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TAKE IT FROM ME
TAKE IT FROM ME
BY
NEAL O'HARA
WAVERLY HOUSE
Boston Massachusetts
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Copyright, 1939, by
WAVERLY HOUSE, BOSTON
First Printing March, 1939
Second Printing April, 1939
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
BY C. B. FLEMING & CO., INC.
NORWOOD, MASS.
CONTENTS
Neal O'Hara's Favorite Gags and Favorite Quizzes appear be
tween chapters.
CHAPTER PAGB
1 ALL ABOUT YOURSELF i
2 AROUND THE WORLD 10
3 LITTLE ITEMS ABOUT BIGWIGS 18
4 ANOTHER MYTH IN SMITHEREENS 25
5 ARTS AND ARTISTS 33
6 NATURAL HISTORY A LA CARTE 39
7 HEALTH HINTS 47
8 HOLLYWOOD CLOSE-UPS AND FADE-OUTS 53
9 PRESIDENTS' PARADE 61
10 FAMOUS FIRSTS 69
11 ROYALTY 'ROUND THE WORLD 78
12 DITHERS FROM THE DICTATORS 85
13 AH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS 93
14 YOUR GOVERNMENT — AND MINE 99
15 MEMOS FROM THE MEDICOS 105
vi CONTENTS
CHAPTER pAGE
1 6 LITERARY NOTES 113
17 SPORTS, HOBBIES AND IDIOSYNCRASIES 121
1 8 TATTLE ABOUT TYCOONS / • 127
19 OLD HELPFUL AT THE BAT 133
20 POLITICAL POP-UPS 141
21 BON MOTS SNIPPED FROM SOMEWHERE 149
22 THESE UNITED STATES OF OURS 157
23 SOME VERY VITAL STATISTICS 165
24 TRENDS, FORECASTS AND PLAIN CRYSTAL-GAZING 173
25 FAMOUS BUM GUESSES 179
26 PRESS PRATTLE 188
27 How IT ALL BEGAN 197
28 SCRAPS ABOUT SCHOOLS 205
29 THE LAW 212
30 THE GALS, GOD BLESS '£M 219
31 BIG BUSINESS 227
32 SCIENCE FOR AVERAGE CITIZENS 235
33 FISCAL FACTS 244
34 HISTORY HIGHLIGHTS 251
35 ODDS AND ENDS 260
TAKE IT FROM ME
7.
ALL ABOUT YOURSELF
ACCORDING to the eminent British scientist Hooke,
the human brain is capable of holding some 3,155,-
760,000 separate ideas The human face and fig
ure are generally at their best in a person's 2ist year
Most speech defects develop between the ages of 3 and
8 years
Scientific tests have determined that there's no emo
tional difference between blonds and brunets
In an actuarial survey of a fairly large sample of Balti
more's working class population, it was discovered that
moderate drinkers of alcoholic beverages had somewhat
lower mortality rates and greater expectation of life than
total abstainers Because fear affects the circu
latory system, causing the skin to tighten, it's really pos
sible for a person's hair "to stand on end" from fright
when the skin covering the skull is drawn taut
A psychologist advises one never to try too hard in
memorizing anything because laboratory experiments have
shown that over-trying actually slows down the process of
learning Worry and fear actually cause tooth decay.
There's a prize example of a New Jersey young man with
previously sound teeth who developed 9 cavities within
3 weeks during which his wife was critically ill
2 TAKE IT FROM ME
The bite of a human being is really more serious than
the average bite of a dog, cat or horse, because the human
mouth contains a greater variety and larger quantity of
dangerous bacteria
Your stomach, when absolutely empty and shriveled
up, is just a trifle larger than your index finger
Soothing news from an eminent neuro-psychiatrist: "The
very fact that you fear you are losing your mind is the
best possible proof that you are not." (Time out for a
sigh of relief.) Continued crossing of your legs
may give you palsy in time
Your personal plumbing: Some 15 miles of tiny tubes
and filters are required to strain the waste material of your
body from your blood You can find the approxi
mate number of years you have left to live, according to life
insurance actuarial tables, by subtracting your present age
from 80, multiplying the result by 7 and dividing the re
sult by 10. (But if you're past 70, forget about the sys
tem.)
Near the centre of your brain is an organism that func
tions like a thermostat. Among other things, it will cause
you to shiver and thus, by such involuntary muscular ex
ercise, to generate heat to counteract the cold that discom
forts you The only part of the body that can't
repair itself is the tooth In the course of a year
all your fingernails and toenails grow about n yards in
the aggregate
Throughout life, no matter what age you reach, your
ears never stop growing Laboratory experiments
show that a person can be hypnotized by the playing of
ALL ABOUT YOURSELF 3
a phonograph record Going, going, gone: A
man of middle age who's not already bald loses about
40 hairs a day While you're sleeping, your brain
grows slightly smaller and your body a trifle larger. It's
because your blood vessels dilate during slumber, bring
ing more blood to the body and less to the brain
Inhabitants of rural regions are always more susceptible
to influenza than city folks
Because alcohol and fat mix readily, heavy drinking will
do you much less harm if you stoke up with fatty foods
before you start elbow bending Man can live as
many weeks without water as he can live minutes with
out air Better not scratch yourself because you
have phosphorus enough in your body to make about
750,000 ordinary matches
If you're normal, your ability to learn increases up to
the age of 22, then remains virtually constant up to 35.
The skin of a person sometimes continues to grow
for as long as 24 hours after death Recipe: Your
eyes will be sharpened for night automobile driving by
having milk, cheese, butter, eggs, liver, spinach, lettuce,
carrots and tomatoes in your diet. They all contain plenty
of Vitamin A, which creates "visual purple," a requisite
for night driving In the average hand, the third
finger is as long as the hand is wide
Spring fever isn't a psychological laziness, but an actual
disease that occurs when a body's store of calcium is de
pleted, lowering one's capacity for work Your sa
liva, gastric and intestinal juices are potent killers of germs
within your body Statistics show: If you exam-
4 TAKE IT FROM ME
ined 100,000 persons for their intelligence, 6750 would be
very superior, 13,000 superior, 13,000 dull and 750 would
be morons. And the remainder just average
It's the theory of an eminent Berlin .professor that the
difference in the secretions of human sweat glands and
the variability of the acidity of the skin account for the
fact that some persons attract insects, such as mosquitoes,
while others are practically immune An eminent
medico speaking, "More damage is caused to persons who
use alcohol in quantity by their failure to act properly than
by direct effects of the alcohol itself."
It's hardly credible at first thought, but the air you breathe
during a single day weighs more than the food you eat
in the same span of time It is estimated that there
is enough electricity in a normal male adult's blood cells
to illuminate a 25-watt bulb for about 3 minutes ,
Thunder may scare you, but the odds are 7000 to i against
a person's being struck by lightning during a life span of
70 years Dentists now advance the theory that
bacteria alone don't cause tooth cavities, but are assisted
by a person's own saliva A person's hair invariably
reflects any disease affecting the blood stream. Thus, one
with poor circulation or anaemia always has lustreless hair.
On the say-so of the Association for the Advance
ment of Science, blonde persons are more likely to become
bald than those with brunet locks On the au
thority of Prof. Walter Miles of Yale, a person improves
in his ability to see objects up to his 17th year, then a grad
ual decline sets in. But so gradual is the decline that an
average person of 52 years can see as well as a 14-year-old
boy
ALL ABOUT YOURSELF 5
You're an active volcano: Every minute of the day, some
500,000 atoms in each human body are tearing themselves
apart, and with each disintegration, rays are sent out to
pierce the bodily tissues for about i~5th of an inch
If blood failed to circulate in your brain for 45 seconds and
then resumed, your brain cells would have deteriorated
in that brief meantime and you'd be at least feeble-minded
from then on
Biologists have discovered that the fluid of which your
tears are made, even if greatly diluted, makes a powerful
bacteria destroyer Recipe for remembering: Be
cause memory depends upon your nervous condition (tired
and nervous people forget easily), psychologists recommend
taking a few deep breaths and relaxing when trying to recall
some person's name
More human beings die from over-eating than from
drinking too much Fruit, sugar and honey get into
the human blood stream the fastest of anything you absorb
as food, requiring almost no breakdown at all
Psychologic: Think of the word "bubble" with your
mouth wide open. (Feel the urge to compress your lips?)
In the course of a day your heart pumps enough
blood to fill an ordinary R. R. tank car Cancer of
the lungs or stomach, heart disease and pulmonary tuber
culosis can first be recognized in a person's eyes. In fact,
diseases affecting all blood vessels in the body can first be
detected in the back of the eye and the progress toward
recovery or death may be most accurately watched there,
too
On the say-so of an eminent psychologist, a nervous break
down indicates your personality has been subjected to too
6 TAKE IT FROM ME
great a strain, so Nature has warned you and given you a
respite. But a nervous breakdown is also an indication
you have within you the material for recovery
Handsome males who wish to avoid baldness should
never let the fine spray of water from a shower nozzle come
in contact with their scalps What psychiatrists call
the mid-channel period, the years between 45 and 55, are
the most dangerous for mental onslaughts for both men
and women A man who is genetically fit to reach
a height of five feet, eight inches can eat all the food he
can stow away and yet not add as much as two inches to
his stature. On the other hand, if he is genetically fit to
attain five feet, eight inches, he may never reach that height
if his food is deficient Cold baths are effective
in reducing the weight of fat persons because cold causes a
loss of bodily energy which then repairs itself by consuming
some of the surplus fat
FAVORITE GAGS
Eavesdropped on a Boston street: A panhandler stopped a
Harvard student and said, "I beg your pardon, sir, but you
wouldn't want to see a poor man walking the streets all night,
would you?" Replied the Harvard lad, "Well, it might be
interesting to watch, but I've got to go home and go to bed."
"Who was that, Eliza?" asked the mistress when the
phone conversation ended. " 'Tweren't nobody, Missus
Jones," the maid replied. "Jest a lady sayin', 'It's a long
distance from Chicago,' and I says, Tes, ma'am, it sure is.' "
A guide was grandiloquently telling a tourist group how
many millions of gallons of water went over Niagara Falls
each minute. "Yuh ?" commented one unimpressed sightseer.
"What's to prevent it?"
PATIENT: "Doctor, are you sure I have pneumonia? Some
times doctors prescribe for pneumonia and the patient dies of
something else."
DOCTOR (with dignity) : "When I prescribe for pneumonia,
you die of pneumonia!"
8 TAKE IT FROM ME
BOSS (severely): "You should have been here at nine
o'clock."
NEW EMPLOYEE: "Why? What happened?"
CYRIL: "I really think that our British custom at the tele
phone is superior to the American 'Hello/ "
TOM: "And what do you say in England?"
CYRIL: "We say, 'Are you there?' Then, of course, if
you're not there, there's no use going on with the conversa
tion."
BOSS (to Pat) : "So you want to quit working ? Aren't the
wages all right?"
PAT: "The wages are all right, but I'm afraid I'm doing a
horse out of a job."
MISTRESS: "Do you know how to serve company?"
MANDY: "Yes, ma'am; either way."
MISTRESS: "What do you mean, either way?"
MANDY: "So they'll come again, or so they won't."
SCOTSMAN: "Are you to be my caddie, my lad?"
CADDIE: "Yes, sir."
SCOTSMAN: "And how are you at finding lost balls?"
CADDIE: "Very good, sir."
SCOTSMAN: "Well, look around and find one and we'll
start the game."
FAVORITE GAGS 9
FIRST PATIENT (in doctor's waiting room) : "How do you
do."
SECOND PATIENT: "Oh, so-so. I'm aching from neuritis."
FIRST PATIENT: "Glad to meet you. I'm Mendelbaum from
Chicago."
2.
AROUND THE WORLD
OF Tibet's 3,000,000 population, some 575,000 are
priests Although you associate them with
the Sahara Desert, one-third of the world's camels are found
in Soviet Russia The milk tree, flourishing in Brazil,
bears an edible fruit with the flavor of strawberries and
cream, and its trunk yields milk, similar to a cow's, except
the tree's milk will stand for two months without souring.
Japan is now trailing only Germany and the United
Kingdom in its exports of beer to the United States
No woman is allowed to give evidence in Hindu courts
of justice Such is the British sense of fair play
that they won't stand for the cops operating speed traps to
catch unwary motorists. They consider that sneaky and
unethical The mahogany trees that flourish in
Guatemala and El Salvador are usually cut by the light of
the moon because the trees are sounder, freer of sap and
richer in coloring at night than during the day
Grasshoppers in virtually any style are featured on res
taurant menus in India. (We'll take ours with a little insect
powder on them, with a garbage can nearby.) A
band of sea gypsies, the Bajaos, who live in thousands of
small boats in the Sulu sea, are so used to the ocean's motion
that walking on terra firma actually makes them dizzy.
10
AROUND THE WORLD 11
It's even simpler than Reno in Cochin, China, where
parties desiring a divorce simply break a pair of chopsticks
in the presence of a witness and the thing is done
The bad news: In case you go mountain climbing in the
Alps this year, the dogs of St. Bernard aren't carrying flasks
of brandy any more, but hot coffee in thermos bottles
Instead of hanging their stockings the night before Christ
mas, French children put their shoes on the doorsteps of
their homes Monopoly: Practically all the clay used
in making clay pipes the world over comes from one little
town in Belgium
Settling the unemployment problem: A permanent staff
of 30 painters spend their lifetime just daubing the famed
Firth of Forth railway bridge in Scotland. By the time
they've got through giving it a thorough painting, it's time
to go over it again In Greenland, the natives cremate
the body of a person who's just died almost before the flesh
turns cold. And with the body they burn everything that
belonged to the deceased
All Arabs abhor whistling and believe that after a person
has whistled, it takes 40 days to purify the mouth
Where ferryboats flourish: One of the great rivers of India,
the Brahmaputra, 1800 miles long, isn't spanned by a single
bridge Java hears more thunder than any other
country in the world
On the island of Cyprus, the natives greet you, when
speaking English, by saying "Goodbye" when, of course, you
expect them to say "Hello." It's all due to a mistake in a
Greek-English grammar used for years in the Cyprus public
schools Centuries before American women ever
gave the matter a tumble, Burma was the first nation to give
12 TAKE IT FROM ME
women equal suffrage with men and the right to own prop
erty in their own name
At a celebrated banquet to 25,000 mayors and dignitaries
of all the cities and towns of France, once held in the Tuil-
leries, the set-up was so vast that the head waiter and cap
tains had to ride around on bicycles to see that the service
was functioning smoothly
Iceland has neither policemen nor prisons India
has only 3 seasons — the hot, the rainy and the temperate.
Boston, Mass., and Aberdeen, Scotland have more
book stores per acre than any 2 other places on earth
But it's a heap-big honor: The baby-austin Republic of
Andorra, tucked in between France and Spain, pays its
President the munificent salary of $15 a year Lon
don's morning newspapers have a combined circulation of
9,000,000 as compared with 3,500,000 odd for New York
City's A.M. sheets Occasion: Since 1875, at Sevres,
France, there has been stored in the great vault of the In
ternational Bureau of Weights and Measures a platinum-
iridium meter bar, the standard of the metric system. Once
every 6 years representatives of more than a dozen nations,
each with a key to some special door to the vault, meet to in
spect it with great and solemn formality
Police in Bulgaria mark the ears of pickpockets with a
bright red, indelible ink when they're released from prison
—that the public may beware An American comedy
act playing in Rio de Janeiro had to send all the way to
N. Y. for a supply of blank cartridges. It seems that down
in South America there's no fooling about it when they make
ammunition— the bullets are the real thing and no blanks
are manufactured.
AROUND THE WORLD 13
In a normal year, the vineyards of France produce enough
wine to float 165 battleships Quick, Watson, the
umbrella: The Brazilian city of Belem, on the equator,
prepares for rain virtually every afternoon at four o'clock —
and gets it
When the Javanese sit down to a meal, they really eat. Din
ner there always consists of 17 rigidly defined courses
In Italy a girl doesn't get her engagement ring until the
day of the wedding. Still that's better than none at all.
Any Chinese business man who hasn't cleaned up all
his debts by the Chinese New Year's Day not only loses his
credit rating, but also his reputation for honesty
Among the warriors of Tungo-besch in Central Africa, an
unfaithful wife isn't divorced or cast off. She's simply beaten
to death
Service: After you have made your application, it takes
from 10 months to 2 yrs. to have a telephone installed in
Japan Blizzard-exempt: Snow never falls on 70
per cent of the earth's surface Haggis, which the
Scots go for in a big way, is a dish consisting of a calf's,
sheep's or other animal's heart, liver and lungs boiled in
the stomach of the animal with a seasoning of pepper, salt,
onions, etc., chopped fine, with suet and oatmeal. (We'll
take wheat cakes!)
Land of prosperity: Only one Japanese in 10,000 owns a
passenger automobile In many parts of China,
where chronometers are scarce, they tell the time by looking
at a cat's eyes, which are at a maximum distention at noon
and dilate from then on Safety first: In Akureyri,
Iceland, the town church is chained fast to the rocks so it
won't be blown away in one of those fierce arctic storms.
i4 TAKE IT FROM ME
We know the linotyper will be pleased to know
that the official name of the Hindu Maharajah of Travencore
is Sir Padmanabba Dasa Vanchi Pala Rama Varma Kulasek-
hara Kiritapathi Maney Sultan Maharaja Raja Ramaraja
Bahdur Shamsher Jang
When Hungarians dine out, they cease all conversation
as soon as a course is laid on the table and do not utter a
syllable till the food is eaten
Service: One of Copenhagen's leading hotels has running
beer as well as running water piped into all its guest rooms.
Swank no end: The great city of Manchester,
England, provides its mayor with a personal valet — at mu
nicipal expense
Hazardous profesh: An average of 2 gendarmes on the
Paris police force are run down and injured by motorists
every day The sign "Free House" in front of many
British saloons means it has no special brewery product that
it pushes and you may order virtually any brand of ale or
beer that you wish
Over in Japan, childlessness and failure to produce a son
and heir are the chief causes of divorce Fair enough :
In Soviet Russia, they'll slap a 5o-cent fine on you for getting
on or off a moving trolley car Equality in
Scandinavia: The only countries in the world that pay women
the same wages as men for the same kind of work are
Denmark, Norway, Sweden, the Netherlands, and Czecho
slovakia (unless Der Fuehrer has changed that latter).
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS i to 15
1. Where did the famed Mayo Brothers of Rochester, Minn., get
their primary medical education?
2. Where is Heidelberg College in America located?
3. Quick now, how much is 2l/2 X ^Vz ?
4. Is it the Marquis of Queensberry or Queensbury who laid
down the rules of boxing?
5. Who is the current poet laureate of England ?
6. What was the first story published serially in a newspaper?
7. Who was Gavrilo Princip ?
8. The Bible still holding top honors for the largest distribution
of any book printed in English, do you know what comes
second? And third?
9. Has the U. S. flag ever consisted of more than 13 stripes?
10. Of course you know, but try to give us a reasonably exact
definition of "white."
11. Outside of the art books, where you will always find it, do
you know if "The Last Supper," by Da Vinci, is still in ex
istence ?
12. For Sunday school teachers: Quick now: What Biblical
character went mad and ate grass ?
13. For femmes: You couldn't have much perfume without it,
but do you know what ambergris comes from?
14. Do you know when the abbreviation "MS." should be used?
15. Winslow Homer was a great American. Was he famous as
a baseball player ? Artist ? Politician ?
Answers on pages 16 and 17.
15
16 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions i to 15)
7. Dr. Charles Mayo was graduated from Chicago Medical Col
lege, and Dr. William Mayo from the medical school of the
University of Michigan.
2. Heidelberg College in the U. S. is at Tiffin, Ohio.
3- 2l/2 X 21A ^ 6J4 — as if you didn't know!
4. It was the Marquis of Queensberry who laid down the boxing
rules.
5. John Masefield is the poet laureate of England as we go to
press.
6. "Robinson Crusoe," by Daniel Defoe, was the first story
published serially in a newspaper.
7. Gavrilo Princip is only the guy who %noc\ed off the Arch-
du\e Ferdinand at Sarajevo and thereby created the incident
which set off the World War fireworks.
8. "Pilgrim's Progress" holds second honors for the largest distri
bution of any boo\ printed in English, with "Robinson
Crusoe" third.
9. Originally Old Glory was to have a star and stripe for every
state in the Union. So when Vermont and Kentucky were
admitted, in 7797 and 7792 respectively, both the stars and
stripes were increased to 75. But shortly after, as other states
entered, it was obvious there' d be too many stripes, so a law
enacted in 1818 called for a stripe for each of the 13 original
states and a star for every state.
10. White, according to the dictionary, is that color which is
devoid of any tint and is the opposite of blac\ — which con-
founds that school of thought which declares white is merely
the absence of color.
n. Yes, on the wall of the Italian Convent of Santa Maria Delle
Grazie in Mussolini's Italy.
12. Nebuchadnezzar.
FAVORITE QUESTIONS— AND ANSWERS 17
/j. From whales — and a good sized hun\ of it is practically worth
its weight in gold.
14. When you don't %now whether the woman you are writ
ing to is married or single, you use it in place of Miss
or Mrs.
75. Winslow Homer was last century's great artist whose wor\
attracted wide attention in Harper s Weekly and else
where.
LITTLE ITEMS ABOUT BIGWIGS
LONG before John D. Rockefeller started giving away
new dimes, the original P. D. Armour, founder of the
packing company, had $100 in new $i bills placed on his
desk each day for casual distribution We'd tell you
his name, but he might sue us, so we'll just say one of the
nation's leading chess players learned the game while an
inmate of an insane asylum
Testimonial statistic: For endorsing the same cosmetic
product, Dowager Queen Marie of Rumania got $2000,
Alice Roosevelt Longworth $5000 All the money
that Benjamin Franklin received for his public services
would pay only half what he spent out of his own
pocket In London's inner Fleet Street circles they'll
tell you that Edward VIII's famed "at long last" abdication
speech was actually written by Winston Churchill
Inspiration: As a boy, U. S. Supreme Court Justice Car-
dozo had no less than Horatio Alger, Jr., famed author of
juvenile rag-to-riches tales, for his private tutor. It seems
that Author Alger was forever going broke and took the
tutorial assignment to tide him over the rough spots
Prexy Nicholas Murray Butler of Columbia is so exclusive
he has a private elevator to take him to his second story
office in the university's administrative bldg
if
LITTLE ITEMS ABOUT BIGWIGS 19
Discrepancy: In the 1921 "Who's Who," Andy Mellon
listed himself as born in 1852. In the 1929 edition, he put
it down as 1854. And in the 1930-31 "Who's Who," his birth
date is placed in 1855. Oh, well, that's one way of avoiding
old age An urgent 1 1. 30 P.M. interview with a news
paper man revealed that President James B. Conant of
Harvard Univ. still sticks to old-fashioned, one-piece night
gowns
N. Y. bellhops will covertly tell you that tips skid toward
minimum when there's a bankers' convention in the town.
Whenever he mentions it in stage dialog, conversa
tion, or a song lyric, Geo. M. Cohan always refers to the
American public as "they"— never "it."
The founder of the great Collier publishing house, Peter
F. Collier, came to the U. S. from Ireland in 1866 to study for
the priesthood, but did so well peddling books to earn his
education that he turned to that field and remained in it —
later to become a multi-millionaire
Evolution: The name of the famed circus family actually
isn't Ringling, but Rungeling And vaudeville pro
grams of 15 years ago show that Harry Richman, now a big
shot entertainer himself, was successively pianist for Mae
West and Peggy Joyce in the 1923 season
Addicted to sartorial splurges, Manuel Quezon, head man
of the Philippines, thinks nothing of buying $5000 worth of
clothes at a lick, mostly from Fifth Avenue tailors.
John L. Lewis got mad as you-know when a newspaper
photog snapped him with his face swabbed with towels in
a barber's chair and all but thrashed the lens lad
Prof. Raymond Moley (remember him?) once paid this
tribute to a great lawyer: "Always he fought with the fine
20 TAKE IT FROM ME
blade of reason, never with the bludgeon of abuse."
Refreshingly frank is Mrs. F. D. R., who in her autobiography
freely admits her coming-out party was a flop
That arbiter of etiquette, Mrs. Emily Post, who's punctili
ous in most matters, has one weakness — slang. It's her safety
valve. In a down-to-brass-tacks business conversation, she's
liable to pop out with a "lousy" almost any minute
Alexander Graham Bell, the telephone's inventor, in 1907
also devised a man-lifting kite, 40 ft. long, which hoisted
a U. S. Army flyer in the air 168 ft. and held him suspended
for more than 7 minutes
New Dealer: The late multi-millionaire merchant, E. A.
Filene, once said this to a political audience : "Why shouldn't
the American people take half my income away from me?
I took it all away from them."
Nest egg: The richest man on earth, the Nizam of
Hyderabad, India, is reputed to have $250,000,000 in solid
gold stored in his private vault, along with a couple of
bushels of precious gems Stymie: Not even the
President of the U. S. can wangle the private unlisted
number of a person from the telephone company. F. D. R.
found that out when he tried to contact Joseph P. Kennedy
recently. The best the phone company could do was call
up J. P. K. and ask if he'd speak to Mr. Roosevelt
Will Rogers, who met death in an airplane crash, was so
careful about motoring that he had his brakes tested every
night
A man who never played a note, Laurens Hammond of
Chicago, invented the only musical instrument that won't
get out of tune — an electric organ which creates tones by
measured electrical impulses. It's always at the right pitch,
LITTLE ITEMS ABOUT BIGWIGS 21
neither temperature nor humidity affecting it
John Wanamaker started his original store at the age
of 23 and took in $24.67 the first day. He put the 67 cents
in the cash drawer and took the $24 down to the Phila.
Public Ledger to buy an adv. for his new store
Sartorial miser: When John G., the head of N. Y.'s famed
Wendel family, died, he left $80,000,000 in realty and $10
worth of clothes
When the original Commodore Vanderbilt, aboard his
yacht, once defied a constable to arrest him, the latter
promptly seized the multi-millionaire, took him like a babe
in arms, stalked off the boat and unceremoniously dropped
the Commodore ker-plunk on the pier. Vanderbilt wasn't
so defiant from then on Harlem's famed Father
Divine was examined for lunacy in Georgia back in 1914.
The legal writ at the time designated him as "J°rm Doe,
alias God."
Lull: Radio bigwigs have recently discovered that the
kiddies just won't send in any more box-tops, labels, etc.,
for trivial gifts that the broadcasters offer
Fixed for life, you might say, is Anthony Eden, whose
pappy-in-law left him an annuity paying $25,000 a
year
The celebrated economist, Stuart Chase, asserts a family
with an annual income of below $2500 has no business
owning its own home; it's too great a risk
Pioneer: R. E. Olds, the motor magnate, was the first person
in America to have a garage built in his home. That was
in 1904
Mrs. F. D. R. consults with the President on the topics she
plans to discuss in her radio talks— just so she won't hit on
22 TAKE IT FROM ME
a subject that's sprinkled with dynamite Alias:
Nicolai Lenin, the patron of Communism, wasn't his real
name at all. On his birth certificate he was entered as
Vladimir Ilytch Ulanov
Ralph Waldo Emerson and John fereenleaf Whittier
both suffered from tuberculosis There was life in
those old boys of other days. Cato, at 80, started to study
Greek. Tennyson, at 83, wrote one of his greatest poems,
"Crossing the Bar." Between 70 and 83, Commodore
(the public-be-damned) Vanderbilt added $40,000,000 or
$50,000,000 to his fortune.
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 16 to 30
1 6. Would you know who Lincoln Perry is?
17. Briefly, what is suede?
1 8. Where is Washington and Lee University?
19. In what small, but now famous, Minnesota village was Sin
clair Lewis born?
20. What state currently accounts for more than half the U. S.
production of cigarettes?
21. How soon after Abraham Lincoln's inauguration did the
Civil War break out?
22. What was the name of the plane in which Lindbergh made
his epochal New York to Paris solo flight?
23. What was the title of Colonel Lindbergh's best-selling book
which he wrote after that ?
24. Identify Robert Todd Lincoln.
25. What was the outstanding achievement of Dr. Joseph B.
Lister, British surgeon?
26. What Hungarian composer was even more famous as a
pianist ?
27. What is the difference, if any, in the meanings of bi-weekly
and semi-weekly?
28. Where is the largest wireless receiving station in the world
located ?
29. What was the first street-car subway ever built in the U. S.?
30. What is the most malleable metal?
Answers on page 24.
23
24 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 16 to 30)
16. Lincoln Perry is the true name of the film comic you know
as Stepin Fetchit.
77. Suede is generally calf or tyd s^tn that 'is finished by buffing
on an emery wheel.
18. Washington and Lee University is at Lexington, Va.
79. Sinclair Lewis was born at SauJ^ Center, Minnesota.
20. North Carolina currently accounts for 57 per cent of the U. S.
cigarette production.
21. Within six weeJ(s after Lincoln's inaugural, the Civil War
broke loose.
22. The plane in which Lindbergh made his epochal New Yor^
to Paris solo flight was called "The Spirit of St. Louis."
23. Lindbergh's boo\ describing his New Yor^ to Paris solo
flight was entitled "We."
24. Robert Todd Lincoln was the oldest son of Abraham Lincoln.
25. Dr. Joseph B. Lister, British surgeon, introduced the antiseptic
system to modern surgery and revolutionized it.
26. Franz Liszt's fame as a pianist exceeded even that as a com
poser.
27. Bi-wee1(ly means every two wee\s', semi-weekly means twice
a wee\.
28. The largest wireless receiving station in the world is at
Chatham on Cape Cod.
29. Boston's Tremont St. subway was the first street-car tunnel
ever built in the U. S.
jo. Gold is the most malleable of all metals.
ANOTHER MYTH IN SMITHEREENS
THE famous incident of Pocahontas saving Capt. John
Smith actually occurred in Maine — and it wasn't
Pocahontas, the daughter of a Virginia chieftain, who saved
the captain's neck, but the obscure daughter of a Maine
tribal chief. These facts Capt. Smith set forth in his original
Journal. But in its second printing the incident was doctored,
its locale switched to Virginia and Pocahontas rung in.
And outside of that, it's correct
The Department of Agriculture blasts another myth in
advising that it's perfectly safe to mix food such as milk or
ice cream with lobster or fish, provided the foods are fresh
and in good condition The theory that Eskimos are
immune to cancer recently went blooey when the first case
ever known was discovered in a member of the tribe on
Baffin Island in northern Canada
Although the Caesarian operation supposedly derives its
name from Julius Caesar, it was not performed on living
mothers during Caesar's time according to eminent medical
authority. And, to dispel another myth, Caesar's mother
lived for years after his birth After all the red flags
that have been waved at bulls in arenas, it's a surprise to
know those animals can't distinguish colors, but will charge
at any bright object in motion
26 TAKE IT FROM ME
The notion of people that food left remaining in an opened
tin can becomes poisonous is the bunk. A tin can, opened or
closed, is just as good a container as a porcelain dish
Of all the jungle's predatory animals, the lion relatively
has the smallest heart
Despite that "dog days" come in hot, sultry, summer days,
fewer dogs go mad in the summer than in any other season
of the year. And that's on the word of the U. S. public health
service The phrase, "as strong as a bull," is hardly
apt. For most bulls, being fat, tire very easily from ordinary
exertion
Rubber is not waterproof. Indeed, when exposed to
moisture for a period of time, it disintegrates into a soft
mushy substance A receding chin doesn't mean
any weakness in character. In fact, some of the most force
ful and resolute persons in all history have been very Andy
Gumpish
Recent tests in 14 U. S. industrial cities by the govt. public
health service show that rain does not clear the air of im
purities The fellows behind any oyster bar will
tell you that from May i through August of this yr. folks
ordered plenty of oysters despite those months contained no
letter R. So there's another taboo that's vanishing
Horace Greeley wasn't such a terrible penman as history
would have you believe. Many papers of his, recently un
covered, are perfectly legible
Rice paper isn't made from rice, but from a pithy plant
called tungstua, found in Japan and China The
first battle of the Revolutionary War wasn't fought at Lex
ington, Mass., but at Alamance, N. C., 2 yrs. before the
battles of Lex. & Concord. It was started by Irish settlers
ANOTHER MYTH IN SMITHEREENS 27
who wouldn't stand for the entry of the English in No.
Carolina
The notion that yawning is a concomitant of boredom
is strictly the bunk. A person whose interest and attention
are at their peak may still give vent to an awful gape
The Sat. Eve. Post front cover to the contrary, according to
an exhaustive research of American printing history just
published, the only newspaper that Benj. Franklin founded
was a German language sheet called Der Philaddphischc
Zeitung
Despite the cartoonists, goats don't eat tin cans. When
ever you see a goat gnawing at a tin can, it is simply getting
at the paper labels, which contain salt that the animals
love
No ventriloquist (even Edgar Bergen) can really "throw"
his voice and make it seem to be coming from the opposite
side of the room Although bloodhounds are popu
larly rated as ferocious creatures, they are really kind and
gentle— and almost never attack a person they have tracked
down
Although the popular phrase is "as strong as a lion," tests
conducted in a Boston zoo revealed the tiger is much stronger
than the lion when compared pound for pound of weight.
It takes a fraction of a second longer to kill a
criminal in the electric chair than by hanging him
The govt. Bureau of Fisheries asserts no pearl of any sales
value has ever been found in an edible oyster in the
U. S Ostriches don't stick their heads in the sand
under any circumstances Although Britons are
forever mumbling about tubbing themselves, an outstand
ing statistician of their country estimates the average
28 TAKE IT FROM ME
Britisher takes 60 baths a year or only a trifle oftener than
once a week
Stalwart male strutters on the summer beaches are hereby
advised that hair on the chest is no indication of strength.
The growth of bodily hair is merely due to glandular de
velopment, not muscular power Although the
term "Georgia peaches" is world famous, that state actually
contributes only one per cent of the nation's output of that
particular fruit
The Indians never regarded totem poles as either idols
or gods. The truth is, an Injun believed the totems were
descended from animals which could understand when they
were spoken to. The octopus, which most of us
have nightmares about actually isn't such a dangerous
creature, after all
When, during the World War, a German general sent
word to America's famed Lost Battalion asking for a sur
render, its commander, Maj. Whittlesey, didn't reply, "Go
to hell," as is popularly supposed. He simply ignored the
message Despite the popular notion to the con
trary, the forests of North American woods are growing
faster than they're being cut down
Throughout the history of the Mormon church, not more
than 10 per cent of its membership ever practised polygamy.
The popular notion that Sir Isaac Newton dis
covered the law of gravity when an apple fell from a tree
and hit him on the head is strictly the bunk. When a dull-
witted bore once asked Newton how he discovered gravity's
law, the scientist made up that story on the spur of the
moment and told it as a gag— and that's how the legend
spread. But it was purely a prank on Newton's part
ANOTHER MYTH IN SMITHEREENS 29
Contrary to popular notion, pure white paint was seldom
used in New England in colonial days. The most popular
color was a mixture of red lead and lampblack
Summer stuff — to paste in your Panama hat: It isn't the
heat of the sun that causes sunburn, but the actinic rays of
the sun. In fact, there have been severe cases of sunburn con
tracted within the Arctic circle Although called
catgut, violin strings are never made of a cat's innards.
Usually they're from lambs' intestines
The tremendously long neck of a giraffe actually contains
no more vertebrae than the neck of a human being
Despite the title, "The man who broke the bank at Monte
Carlo," no one ever did. The funds at one particular table
might run out after a series of lucky plays by gamblers, but
there has always been plenty of dough in the casino's coffers
to meet all payoffs
The average resident of Scotland may be thrifty, but
when you're a guest at his home he'll heap more food on
your plate than you can possibly eat — unless you're a gour
mand The bagpipe isn't a Scotch instrument. It
was introduced by the Greeks.
Although the popular impression is that wrinkles are
brought on by worry, most of them actually come from
laughing These days the phrase, "spending money
like a sailor ashore," is all cock-eyed. For P.O. figures on
and U. S. naval ship reveal a huge total of postal money
orders sent home by the enlisted men
Credit where it's due: John L. Soule, writing in the
Terre Haute (Ind.) Express in 1851, originated the phrase,
"Go West, young man, go West," and not Horace
Greeley
30 TAKE IT FROM ME
The belief that when a snake is killed its tail continues
to live till sundown is so much hooey. On acct. of a snake's
nervous system, the tail continues to wiggle some time after
the reptile's death, but sundown has nothing to do with
it There's no documentary evidence that St. Patrick
ever conducted a crusade against snakes in Ireland
The most beer per capita is drunk by the Belgians and
not the Germans, as you probably thought Shining
eyes or not — no animal can see better in the dark than in
the light Far from dying in poverty, Christopher
Columbus was a relatively wealthy man when he passed
on from earth
Despite Boston's pride in its initiation of anesthetics
for surgical operations, the Chinese had achieved the same
results as far back as the 2nd century Tomato
juice as a soother for a hangover is over-rated. Milk or just
plain water will fix up your awful stomach just as
well. ,
FAVORITE GAGS
TEACHER: "Who gave us this beautiful school?"
PUPIL: "President Roosevelt."
TEACHER: "Who keeps our roads so nice?"
PUPIL: "President Roosevelt."
TEACHER: "Who makes the trees and flowers grow?"
PUPIL: "God."
VOICE IN BACK OF ROOM: "Throw that Republican out!"
KIND LADY: "And how would you like a nice chop?"
WEARY TRAMP: "That all depends, lady! Is it lamb, pork,
or wood?"
DRUNK (to resplendently uniformed bystander) : "Call me
a cab, will yuh?"
BYSTANDER: "My good man, I am not a doorman; I'm a
naval officer."
DRUNK: "Okay, then, buddy; call me a boat. I gotta get
home."
SOLICITOR: "Will you give me a quarter to help the Old
Ladies' Home?"
STUDENT: "Gosh, what are they doing out on a night like
this?"
32 TAKE IT FROM ME
FIRST BOARDER: "What sort of coffee does the landlady
bring up in the morning?"
SECOND BOARDER: "Well, I give the milk to the cat, the
sugar to the dog and I use the water for shaving."
MOTHER: "I don't think the man upstairs likes to hear
Johnny play his drum."
FATHER: "Why?"
MOTHER: "Well, this afternoon he gave Johnny a knife
and asked him if he knew what was inside the drum."
DOCTOR: "Could you pay for an operation if I thought
one necessary?"
PATIENT: "Would you find one necessary if I couldn't
pay for it?"
FATHER: "I've been thinking, my son, of retiring next
year and leaving the business to you."
SON: "There's no hurry, dad. You go ahead and work
a few more years and then we can retire together."
SHIP'S OFFICER: "There goes eight bells, you'll have to
excuse me; it's my watch below."
LADY PASSENGER: "Goodness! Does your watch strike
as loud as that?"
JONES: "Ants are supposed to be the hardest working
creatures in the world."
SMITH: "Yes, but they still seem to have time to attend all
the picnics."
5-
ARTS AND ARTISTS
SYNTHETIC Southerner: Stephen Foster, composer of
^5 "Old Black Joe," and regarded as the great Dixie melo
dist, was in the South but once in his life and that was on a
boat excursion to New Orleans In case anyone
should ask you, the musical scale was invented in 1024 by
Guido Aretino, and Guido was an Italian
A Stradivarius may be the world's most prized violin,
but one of history's greatest violinists, Paganini, preferred
an instrument fashioned by Giuseppe Guarneri of Cremona,
Italy It is authoritatively estimated that in his
career, the great Stradivari made approximately 1116 musical
instruments — chiefly violins, but also about 20 violoncellos
and 10 violas
Bargain: Millet, the artist, sold one of his greatest works,
"The Angelus," for $360. It was later bought for $160,000
at an auction One of the late George Gershwin's
unpublished tunes was a satirical opus called "Mischa, Sascha,
Toscha and Yascha" — and dedicated, of course, to the world's
4 outstanding concert violinists
Correggio's celebrated picture, "The Muleteers," which
now hangs as a masterpiece in the London Museum, was
originally painted as an advertising sign for an inn
Big Three: The only dramatist besides Geo. Bernard Shaw
33
34 TAKE IT FROM ME
and Eugene O'Neill who commands a royalty as high as
15 per cent of the gross receipts is Noel Coward
Anomaly: As any artist will tell you, although modern
pigments are more permanent, oils more binding, and
varnishes far superior, the works of relatively modern
painters don't stand up with old masters in the matter of
longevity Bizet, composer of the opera "Carmen,"
died 3 months after its premiere, broke and discouraged.
He had no idea his opus was destined to be universally
popular
The annual royalties on "The St. Louis Blues" published
33 yrs. ago, still amount to around $20,000 a yr
At the age of 89, Michelangelo was still active with his
paint brush and Titian painted his famed "Battle of
Lepanto" when he was 98
The breakdown of an organ in a tiny church at Obendorf,
Germany, on Christmas Eve of 1818 led directly to the
composition of the classic religious song "Silent Night"
(Heilige Nachf). Special music for the church's Christmas
festival had been prepared, but when the organ broke down,
it was out of the question. Only a guitar was available as
an instrument. So the asst. pastor dashed off a poem, went
to the organist's home and asked him if he couldn't arrange
a simple melody for 2 solo voices and a chorus to sing the
poem to a guitar accompaniment. The organist said he'd
try — and then and there jotted down the music. The next
morning, at the little church, the greatest of all Yuletide
songs was sung for the first time
Rubinoff, with his violin, was top guest artist at Chicago's
free open air concerts the past yr., and an audience of 225,000
turned out to hear the maestro scrape the bow over his
ARTS AND ARTISTS 35
fiddle. Lily Pons and Andre Kostelanetz were next, with a
mere 175,000 listening Hart Danks, composer of
the immortal "Silver Threads among the Gold," separated
from his once-adored wife in the twilight of his life and died
alone in a cheap boarding house. And several yrs. later
Mrs. Danks also passed away alone in a poor tenement dis
trict of Boston
Sir William Gilbert (of Gilbert and Sullivan), who wrote
such gay operettas, deserted the theatre in his declining days,
became a magistrate of a British village and turned out to
be the meanest sort of judge — and especially grouchy to
motorists
In the last stages of illness, Mozart composed his famed
Requiem for his own funeral Bargain: The com
poser of the immortal "Memphis Blues," W. C. Handy, sold
all rights to the song for $50 right after he'd written it in
1912. It cleaned up a fortune for someone else. And its
original title was "Mister Crump." Boston's famed
symphony is the only non-union orchestra of its class in the
United States
Because there's no record of the birth of the great violin
maker, Stradivarius, he is always honored on the anniversary
of his death In his lifetime he made instruments
that today have a total value of $4,000,000
The famed painting "The Spirit of '76" was called
"Yankee Doodle" by the artist, Archibald Willard, when
he completed it in 1875. It was changed while the picture
was on exhibition in Boston because one of that town's
eminent half-wits was nicknamed Yankee Doodle
Distinction: Of all the regulars they meet year after year,
the pet dislike of N. Y. ship news reporters is Toscanini,
36 TAKE IT FROM ME
the conductor, who can always be depended on to be gruff
and boorish toward the press lads The more
abundant life: Under a new contract, musicians in Chicago
radio stations now draw as much as $150 salary for a 5-day,
25-hour week
Retort snappy: When the famed warbler of an earlier
generation, Patti, spurned an American concert tour at
$50,000 a month, the exasperated promoter pointed out to
her that the President worked a whole year for as much
money. Replied Patti: "Then get the President to sing
for you!" (That's telling 'em, Adeline!)
When Brown University at a special ceremony conferred
an honorary degree on the conductor of the Boston
Symphony Orchestra, Serge Koussevitsky, he responded,
not with a speech, but by performing a short concert on
his double bass Twas ever thus: Whistler painted
the portrait of his mother, which became famous all over
the world. But a still greater artist, Rembrandt, painted the
portrait of his father (on view these many yrs. at the Boston
Museum of Fine Arts) and it hardly got a tumble
Nice job: With the rank and file of musicians starving,
here's the emolument James Patrillo, prexy of the Chicago
musicians' union, received last year: A $26,000 salary, a
$25,000 home, $12,000 for home furnishings, $1700 for a
garden, $16,000 extra to cover his income taxes, $25,000
for an armored car with guards, $5000 for expenses and a
few trivial items, adding up to $100,700
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 31 to 45
31. What New England city was once actually named Bean-
town?
32. In what manner does a pigeon differ from other birds when
it takes a drink of water?
33. What is the largest church edifice in the world?
34. Next to Massachusetts, what state raises the most cranberries ?
35. In our peak year of 1929 what was the approximate income
produced by the American people?
36. What are the so-called Big Four meat-packing companies in
the U. S.?
37. What color are the eggs of canary birds?
38. Identify Dr. Edward Jenner.
39. What American city is the world's biggest food center?
40. What President of the United States was a tailor by trade?
41. Who is the only President of the U. S. buried in the Arling
ton National Cemetery?
42. Identify John Maynard Keynes.
43. What is pig iron made of?
44. Was Rudyard Kipling the full name of the famed British
author ?
45. What is the highest temperature (in the shade) ever recorded
in the U.S.?
Answers on page j#.
37
38 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 31 to 45)
31. Danbury, Connecticut, was originally \now as Beantown.
32. When a pigeon drinks, it holds its head in the water until it
is finished.
33. St. Peter's Cathedral, in Rome, with an area of 227,009 square
feet, is the world's largest church.
34. Next to Massachusetts, the state which grows the most cran
berries is New Jersey.
35. The income produced by the American people in 7929 was
about $81,000,000,000.
36. The so-called Big Four meat-packing companies are Swift,
Armour, Wilson and Cudahy.
37. The eggs of canaries are colored pale green or blue and are
often spotted with reddish brown.
38. Edward Jenner was the brilliant British physician who dis
covered vaccination.
39. Chicago is the world's biggest food center.
40. Andrew Johnson, our ijth President, was a tailor by trade.
41. William Howard Taft is the only President who is buried
in the Arlington National Cemetery.
42. John Maynard Keynes is the eminent English economist.
43. CoJ(e, limestone and ore go into the making of pig iron.
44. His full name was Joseph Rudyard Kipling.
4$. The highest temperature recorded in the U. S. was 134
degrees in the shade at Greenland Ranch, California.
6.
NATURAL HISTORY A LA CARTE
deadliest species of the African jungle isn't the
tiger, the lion or the snake, but the driver ants which,
swarming in millions, proceed to eat serpents, human beings
and animals — and don't even fear to feast on a live elephant.
Jesse Owens of the jungle: A few hours after it is
born, a baby zebra can run as fast as its papa and mamma
— and that's fairly fast
The scientific name for a skunk is Mephitis mephiticam
in case you want to start calling anyone names A
trout sees what is above the level of its eyes, but never sees
anything under him, because its vision is upward. .....
Don't ask us why, but a nail driven into a tree, say 5 ft.
above the ground, will remain at that height regardless
of how tall the tree subsequently grows Jungle
acrobatics: When a baby kangaroo is frightened, it dives
head first into its mamma's pouch and then turns a com
plete somersault to land right side up again
When a penguin dives under water, a transparent film
drops over its eyes to keep out the water and yet permit
the penguin to see The reason it's easy to poison
rats is that they have no facilities for quickly getting rid
of anything bad they've eaten. The rat is one of the few
species that's unable to vomit
39
40 TAKE IT FROM ME
The albatross, with a wingspread of more than 12 ft.,
has to take off into the air just like an airplane, facing the
wind, then running a short distance and finally taking
off. But once it's in the air, it can stay there for days.
The biggest of all vegetable growths is a seaweed
called nereocystis, whose stalks are at least 600 ft. tall as
they extend from the bottom of the sea
Octogenarians of the insect world are the ants, with
run-of-the-mill workers living to the ripe old age of 4
or 5 yrs. and the queen ants becoming female Methuselahs
and lasting as long as 15 yrs Almost without
cessation, the queens of those terrible termite colonies lay
more than 7000 eggs a day, day in and day out
It's the biologists' theory that instead of being a warn
ing signal, the rattlesnake rattles as a call to another rattle
snake during the breeding season and it's really more to be
compared with the cooing of a dove A tough
baby to get into a scrap with is the duckbill, which uses its
own hypodermic needles as weapons. Each of its hind feet
has a lance-like spur concealed in it, which shoots venom
into an adversary, producing sharp anguish and pain, swell
ing and drowsiness — and then the duckbill polishes it
off
Fingertip aquarium: Goldfish are so tiny just after they're
hatched, a small fry of them can swim about comfortably
in a thimbleful of water Every day of its life, an
oyster draws from 4 to 5 gallons of water through
itself
Home, sweet home: Using large sticks and limbs, eagles
often construct nests for themselves that weigh nearly a
ton Tests made at the agricultural school of Cornell
NATURAL HISTORY A LA CARTE 41
Univ. showed that cows are smarter than horses. The
bossies not only learn quicker than equines, but the smartest
cows give the most milk
Far from being wise, the owl is so dumb that when it's
attacking its prey, it always lets out a cry of joy too soon,
warning the prey and often allowing it to escape
The chameleon of the deep is the octopus, which can
change its color at will and appear green, white, copper-
colored or light brown
Dopey, the dinosaur: The skull of a hadrosaurus dinosaur
in the Smithsonian Institute shows that though its head
was more than two feet long, its brain weighed less than
two ounces — making it probably one of the most stupid
creatures that ever roamed the earth All mammals
possess hair, even with a few scattered bristles on the noses
of young whales
An ostrich egg weighs from 2l/2 to 3 pounds. And a hum
ming bird's egg registers about half a gram — about looth
the size of an ostrich's egg There's no danger in
just taking a sniff of the flower, but the ordinary lily of
the valley contains minute qualities of the most powerful
heart poison known
Despite their freedom from the ills of civilization, few
wild animals die of old age, reports of the U. S. Biological
Survey show. Food shortages, diseases, accidental injuries
and attacks by natural enemies are the principal causes of
death among wild animals Twilight sleep: Only
the female polar bear hibernates. And while she's asleep
over the winter months, her two cubs are born. In fact,
when the mamma bear wakes up, her cubs are already
8 wks. old. ,
42 TAKE IT FROM ME
Super-zzzzz: Dr. Roy Chapman Andrews designates the
celhenomyia fly, found in New Mexico, as the fastest liv
ing thing in the world. This insect has attained a speed
of 818 miles an hour, which means it travels even faster
than sound and can therefore keep ahead of its own
buzz Armor-plated: A giraffe's hide is an inch
thick and very tough, in addition
If a giraffe ever sticks out its tongue at you, you've got
something there — a giraffe's tongue averages 17 inches in
length Elephantine equine: The largest horse in
the world is Jerry, who chews his oats on the Earle Brown
farm at Lyndonville, Vt. He's a six-year-old gelding weigh
ing 2500 pounds — and is crazy about — of all things! — ice
cream cones
The venturesome nature of the male or female giraffes
cannot assert itself in speech, for they have no voice at all
and are therefore mutes During its rather tenuous
lifetime, an elephant has from 6 to 7 sets of teeth
Habitat: Rattlesnakes are found nearly everywhere in
America, but nowhere else on earth A rhinoceros's
tusk gets red at the tip when the animal is angry, which
makes a red-tipped tusk more valuable than the ordinary
kind A python eats only once in 6 or 8 wks.,
and then it takes about 9 days to digest its meal and be active
again
And the cobra's aim with its deadly fluid is perfect
within a radius of 4 ft., but marvelously accurate up to
15 ft Methuselahs in shells: Of all living crea
tures nowadays, the tortoise is credited with the greatest
longevity. Some of them live to be 200 or 300 yrs. old
Freight car insects: A bee can carry a load of honey as
heavy as 90 per cent of its own weight
NATURAL HISTORY A LA CARTE 43
Because bats have nerves in their wings, they can de
tect the proximity of objects, even in pitch darkness, by
sensing air current vibrations — which gives bats even greater
flying skill than birds have What, no amber? A
species of firefly found in Paraguay flashes a red light at
the end of its body and a green light along the side. And
no wonder they call it the railway beetle
North of the equator, all twining vines climb from left
to right, but south of that imaginary line, they all go
from right to left
Quota: A bedbug doesn't reach maturity until it has taken
5 bites out of a human being A frog may be.
boiled and still live, provided the temperature of the water
is increased by slight degrees to the boiling point. We
just thought you'd like to know
Some alligators grow as many as 40 sets of teeth in a
lifetime — and what teeth! A whale is a mammal
that never walks and a penguin a bird that never flies
Far from being lumbering, with its eight tentacles, the
octopus is one of the swiftest things in water. By filling the
cylinders of its lungs with water, then ejecting the aqua,
it propels itself backwards at a bewildering speed. A big
fellow can make 18 to 320 feet in a single leap
Ouch: The electric eel of average size, about a yard long,
can cut loose with an electromotive force of 300 volts
when it makes a major discharge
A curious air-breathing insect, the halobates, runs lickety-
split over the ocean and is often found thousands of miles
from land. And its eggs are also often found embedded in
floating feathers of sea birds
A super-glutton is the pterophryne, a denizen of the
Sargasso Sea. A reputable scientist reports having seen a
44 TAKE IT FROM ME
six-inch specimen swim up and swallow a four-inch fellow-
pterophryne in one gulp Phi Beta Kappa insects:
In proportion to its size, the ant has the largest brain of
any living thing on earth y •
Such a dread for killer whales do ordinary whales
entertain that they will often commit suicide by beaching
themselves rather than fight it out with their fearsome
enemy, who delights in ripping out the whale's tongue for
a starter and then gradually tearing the mammal to
pieces
Poisonous snakes are immune to the venom of other
snakes. So when a couple of cobras, for instance, get to
fighting, one has to knock off the other by biting rather
than injecting poison via the fangs Reverse gear:
Lobsters swim by flapping their tails and dragging them
selves backwards. And one lobster, tagged by Uncle Sam
at Woods Hole, Mass., traveled up to the Maine coast
(more than 100 miles) in less than a month
FAVORITE QUESTIONS— AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 46 to 60
46. Who was the tallest United States President?
47. How many legs have all true insects?
48. Would you happen to know just who Alfred C. Fuller, a
Hartford, Connecticut, manufacturer, is?
49. Who was the oldest President of the United States to be
inaugurated ?
50. What two nations are in both Europe and Asia?
51. What is a luthier?
52. What is thaumaturgy?
53. By what fraction of an inch do women's shoes increase with
each full size?
54. Where was petroleum first discovered in the U. S.?
55. Rank these cities according to population : Prague, Singapore,
Marseilles.
56. What nation is currently the world's largest producer of
iron ?
57. What state do you suppose has the most farm tractors?
58. What is acne vulgaris?
59. What state leads all others in the production of cheese?
60. Why is walnut almost universally used for gun stocks?
Answers on page 46.
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ANSWERS (to Questions 46 to 60)
46. Abraham Lincoln — 6 feet 4 inches tall.
4J. All true insects have six legs.
48. Alfred C. Fuller is the head man and founder of the cele
brated Fuller Brush Company.
49. The oldest President of the U. S. to be inaugurated was
William Henry Harrison at the age of 69.
50. The Soviet Republics and Turkey are in both Europe and
Asia.
57. A luthier is a violin maker.
52. Thaumaturgy is a fancy name for magic.
55. In women's shoes there is an increase of one-third of an inch
for each larger size.
54. Petroleum was first discovered at Titusville, Pennsylvania, in
1850.
55. Marseilles, 915,000; Prague, 850,000; Singapore, 590,000.
56. Japan is the world's largest producer of iron.
57. More tractors (758,000) are used on the farms of Illinois than
of any other state.
58. Acne vulgaris is just a fancy name for adolescent pimples.
59. Wisconsin leads all states in cheese-making, producing 58
per cent of all U. S. cheese in its jooo factories.
60. Walnut is used for gun stocks because it absorbs a recoil
better than any other wood.
7-
HEALTH HINTS
A HEADACHE in itself is the result of irritation of the
brain — and may be a warning of a disease almost
anywhere in the body Here's a thought from a
health magazine: "Overwork and overstrain lead to physi
cal or mental breakdown; yet, paradoxically, idleness can
lead to the same results."
To week-end vacationists: You can avert the shock of
ducking into cold sea water if you first douse the back of
your neck and then both your wrists before taking the
plunge Quota: An adult should drink an average
of 5 pints of water a day Don't take any case of hay
fever lightly, if it's neglected it can grow into a bad case of
asthma
Because any hindrance of a free flow of bile may lead to
gallstone trouble, you should beware of constantly wearing
tight belts or tight girdles Tooth decay among white
persons could virtually be eliminated if refined sugar were
taken out of our diet
There's a reasonable doubt that sunlight is absolutely es
sential to health and as proof they point to the Eskimos of
northern Greenland, who get virtually no exposure to the
ultra-violet rays "Early to bed and early to rise
never put circles under anyone's eyes."
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48 TAKE IT FROM ME
If you're going to reduce by exercise, summer is the best
time to do it inasmuch as the appetite then is less keen and
it's easier to keep your poundage down Shake that
shaker: During summer hot spells, sprinjde plenty of salt on
your food. It'll help replace the large amount of bodily salt
you lose through perspiration
Worry and hurry are the twin sisters of Fate, promising a
short life and anything but a merry one Victims of
excessive perspiration might try bathing the affected members
in a basin of water containing a teaspoon of formalin so
lution. It's helpful in hardening the skin and cutting down
perspiration
A haze over the sun by no means obscures its dangerous,
sunburning ultra-violet rays, so don't let that fool you. In
fact, on a hazy day at the shore, the sun can do a terrible
job on your exposed skin "Sleep eight hours every
night. We can't all be Edisons and Napoleons — and besides,
Edison had his deafness and Napoleon finally met his Water
loo." — Health hint by an expert Rest taken BE
FORE physical exertion is worth much more than rest taken
after you're fatigued
Summertime advice by an eminent medico: Don't go
swimming when you have the slightest head cold
Ether pneumonia is sometimes caused by impure ether, of
which there is more sold than you may think Re
sistance to infection is lowered in fat persons, which is why
diabetes is more common among obese than among those
of normal weight
Danger sign: Actually there is no such thing as "grow
ing pains" that children are said to experience. They're
usually due to rheumatism, bad posture, tuberculosis of
HEALTH HINTS 49
the joints and the like Smoking definitely cuts down
your susceptibility to germs. Samples of human saliva,
laden with bacteria, showed the bacterial count reduced by
35 per cent after tobacco smoke had been blown through
them
Another myth is that persons with easily upset stomachs
should avoid the so-called acid fruits. On the authority of
the American Public Health Association oranges, tomatoes
and grapefruit, known as the acid fruits, contain only real
organic acids and are easily oxidized in the body
Through ventilators which draw air from the front of
your automobile, it's possible to suck in dangerous quantities
of carbon monoxide gas from the car ahead of you in dense
traffic Watch your waist line, mister: The mortality
rate among fat persons from pneumonia is considerably
higher than for those of normal weight
The world's leading nutritional authority, Dr. Henry
Sherman of Columbia Univ., estimates the average span of
human life could be increased by about 7 years if folks
consumed more vegetables, fruit and milk
Swimming ranks high among all forms of exercise be
cause it brings into play almost all the muscles of the
body White sugar taken into an empty stomach
causes excessive mucus by irritating the membranes and
retards the digestion For your information: Those
tables specifying what your weight should average for your
height are not to be depended upon absolutely. The width
of your body is most important in that conjunction,
too Hey, there, lazybones: A person who sleeps
long hours is more susceptible to fatigue than one who
5o TAKE IT FROM ME
sleeps soundly for a briefer spell. A Colgate Univ. survey
dishes up that dope
A survey among 500 patients at the famed Mayo Clinic
revealed that virtually the same percentage of them got dis
tressed stomachs from milk, butter and ice cream as from
eating maligned onions Warning: Late hours and
too much tobacco and alcohol are among the leading causes
of loss of memory There is more nourishment in
a single hen's egg than in a doz. average-sized oysters. .....
FAVORITE GAGS
LITTLE ELSIE: "Mummy, you know that vase you said had
been handed down from generation to generation."
MUMMY: "Yes, dear."
LITTLE ELSIE: "Well, this generation has dropped it."
TRAFFIC COP (bawling out woman motorist): "Don't you
know what I mean when I hold up my hand ?"
WOMAN MOTORIST: "I ought to; I've been a school teacher
for 25 years."
CUSTOMER: "Look here, you're giving me a big piece of
bone. With meat costing what it does, I don't want all that
bone."
BUTCHER: "I'm not giving it to you, Mister. You're paying
for it."
Said a nervous woman to the motorman, after reading the
signs on a Boston street car, the front sign which read
"Dorchester" while the side signs said "Ashmont-Milton,"
"Does this car go to Dorchester ?"
MOTORMAN: "Yes, lady."
LADY: "Are you sure of it ?"
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52 TAKE IT FROM ME
MOTORMAN: "Yes, lady; get right on."
LADY: "But it says Ashmont and Milton on the side."
MOTORMAN: "We ain't going sideways, lady; get right on."
BABY EAR OF CORN: "Mamma, where did I come from?"
EAR OF CORN: "Hush, dear, the stalk brought you."
WIFE: "What's wrong, Henry?"
HUSBAND: "My razor! It doesn't cut at all!"
WIFE: "Don't be silly, your beard can't be tougher than the
kitchen linoleum."
JUDGE: "The evidence shows, Mrs. Grumpz, that you threw
a dish at your husband."
MRS. GRUMPZ: "It shows more than that, Your Honor; it
shows that I hit him."
WIFE (acidly) : "And what would you be today if it weren't
for my money?"
HUSBAND: "A bachelor."
FATHER: "You'll never get rich talking to yourself."
SON: "Edgar Bergen did."
TEACHER: "What is etiquette, Tommy?"
TOMMY: "Etiquette is the noise you don't make when you
are eating your soup."
8.
HOLLYWOOD CLOSE-UPS AND FADE-OUTS
FOR the big scene in the super-film, "The Hurricane,"
Samuel Goldwyn spent $150,000 to build a reproduction
of a Samoan village and then $235,000 more to have it
inundated and then blown to smithereens. It all comes
under the head of art The Will Hays organization
forbids any Hollywood studio to portray revenge in any
film with a modern background. But if the story's laid in
ancient days, revenge is O. K
Bobby Breen, the young radio and film star, is the son of
Rebecca and Hyman Borsuk Point of view: "What
is hard for the business man to understand," says the show
biz weekly Variety, "is how two moving pictures can differ
by as much as $1,000,000 in cost. But what Hollywood seeks
is the reason why two films, equal in cost, can vary by as
much as $2,000,000 in gross income." And that's what makes
the film business the crazy enterprise it is
Promotion: The head horse wrangler on a Hollywood
lot that specializes in Western pictures used to be called
just that — the head horse wrangler. But since the studio's
making a higher grade of picture, he's acquired the flossy
title of "director of equitation." (But he's still the head
horse wrangler.)
He was mad: When a Hollywood columnist got a bum
seat to the world premiere of a film in that town recently,
53
54 TAKE IT FROM ME
he sent a cablegram to the studio's chief press agent, then
in Paris, to tell him how burned up he was — at 28 cents a
word Opportunists: When a rabies epidemic re
cently broke out in Minneapolis, an alert Hollywood studio
made a timely reissue of its film, "The Life of Louis Pasteur,"
in that territory
Transition: Harry Langdon, once a $35oo-a-week film
comic himself, now writes funny dialogue for Laurel &
Hardy— but not at $3500 a week
When a major Hollywood studio reissues the film, "Fare
well to Arms," watch the Italian ambassador yelp to high
heaven. The valor of Italian soldiers is impugned in the
picture at which Mussolini reared in 1930 when it was first
released Mark-down: After a feature picture has
been exhibited for 15 months, the major Hollywood studios
carry it on their books at a valuation of only $i, even if it
cost $1,500,000 to make
Fertile: A Hollywood press agent, looking for a job, sent
a crated rabbit to each prospect, along with a letter explaining
the P.A. could originate publicity ideas faster than rabbits
multiply Sideline: Shirley Temple collected $50,000
for indorsing a certain brand of breakfast food. Yum-
yum
Bing Crosby in a philosophical mood: "My mother saved
me from being a lawyer and Dixie Lee (his wife) saved me
from being a bum." Indispensable genius: Because
they felt no one else could make satisfactory pictures from
them, Hollywood's M-G-M studio put more than $1,000,000
worth of film stories on the shelf following the death of
Irving Thalberg, Norma Shearer's husband
The modern cameras now used in the Hollywood studios
HOLLYWOOD CLOSE-UPS AND FADE-OUTS 55
cost around $7000 each After clicking as a new star
in Hollywood, it takes about 2 yrs. before the cinema celeb
attains that rating in all foreign countries. And by the
some token, a star who's all washed up in the U. S. still
hangs on to his popularity for a couple of annums in alien
lands
Windfall: For writing the tunes in the unexpectedly suc
cessful Fred Astaire film, "Top Hat," Irving Berlin garnered
a mere $240,000. They guaranteed him a percentage of the
profits
Bing Crosby's racing stable now totals 30 horses — and
they eat oats, not cheese By showing a chart of
what Uncle Sam grabs in income taxes from high-bracketed
stars, one Hollywood producer can readily convince an
actor in his employ not to be sucker enough to make an
extra picture for a rival company instead of taking a needed
vacation. The figures show the star'd be doing the extra
work for practically nothing, with the tax lads getting
nearly all
How the movies first came to Hollywood — on Oct. 27,
1911: During the spring and summer of that yr., David
Horsley, owner of the Nestor and Centaur picture com
panies, had a scout covering the U. S. looking for an ideal
place where movies could be produced out of doors yearly.
The scout, Horace Davey, returned to the studio in Bayonne,
N. J., and announced that Hollywood, then an unheard-of
suburb of Los Angeles, was the ideal spot, with plenty of
climate and practically no weather. So Horsley, his family,
with 3 companies went on to Hollywood to find a suitable
location. He rented the Old Blondeau tavern and saloon
at the junction of Sunset Blvd. and Gower St., as the city
56 TAKE IT FROM ME
had voted dry the previous year. The companies set up
shop on Oct. 27, 1911, and 2 days later the first scenes were
shot. "Her Indian Hero" was the title of the first movie
made in Hollywood, directed by Milton Fahrney and with
an all-star cast including Dorothy Davenport, Jack Conway,
Geo. Gebhardt and Russell Bassett. Prints of the film are
still treasured in several Hollywood vaults today. The
original Horsley studio was destroyed by fire in 1913. And
Horsley, the pioneer, never made a fortune, even a small
one, out of motion pictures
That eminent film rodent, Mickey Mouse, was called
Mortimer Mouse in Walt Disney's earlier films The
experts are worrying for fear too heavy a schedule of movie
and radio work may put too great a strain on Deanna
Durbin's young voice
Souvenirs: When a recent Hollywood picture was finished
ahead of time and well within its budget, the grateful pro
ducer gave the 4 Rolls-Royces used in the film to the di
rector, technician, cutter and electrician as a mark of ap
preciation It sounds more like a WPA project,
but because three large hills partly blocked his view of the
mountains beyond, Jesse Lasky, the movie magnate, had
them removed by steam shovels from in front of his ranch
house near Hollywood
Hollywood not only demands authenticity for its films,
but is willing to pay for it. Which accounts for a fellow
there renting a British car of ancient vintage to one studio
for a week and collecting therefor more money than the
car cost him 10 years ago God comes to Hollywood :
The Gideon Society has just installed Bibles in all dressing
rooms on the major studio lots
HOLLYWOOD CLOSE-UPS AND FADE-OUTS 57
Fists across the sea: A leading Sydney, Australia, news
paper is whacking the old tom-tom that the "American
film octopus" is bleeding that continent and that Wall
Street controls most of the Australian movie theaters. It's
the same old stuff. If it weren't for Hollywood pictures,
Australian cinema houses would have to close up
Sideline: It's estimated the Hollywood stars pick up an extra
$5,000,000 each year just indorsing commercial prod
ucts So impressed by the excellence of the film,
"The Life of Louis Pasteur," was the Egyptian government
that it refunded to the Hollywood producers the customs
duties it had already collected
On a check-up, a major Hollywood studio discovered that
of its 13 most recent super-deluxe films, 9 had shown a
deficit of $1,700,000, while 4 had rung up a profit of
$1,800,000 — with the result that only a net profit of $100,000
had been obtained from a total investment (and risk) of
$9,000,000 on the 13 films
Mae Murray, glamorous $5ooo-a-week blonde of the silent
screen, now conducts an advice-to-the-lovelorn session over
a N. Y. radio station Daily dozen, plus : One of the
major Hollywood stars keeps her girth down by spilling
4 boxes of matches on the floor each morning before break
fast and then picking the matches all up one by one
It costs a Hollywood extra about $1000 to acquire a ward
robe for full dress scenes and $5 a wk. thereafter for upkeep.
And their pay is $15 a day — when they work
When Sonja Henie continually complained of cold feet
while shooting her ice-skating scenes, it was discovered that
her high shoes, too firmly laced, were the cause
Sure fire: A year's output of Shirley Temple pictures
58 TAKE IT FROM ME
(usually 4) is certain to bring in from $10,000,000 to
$11,000,000 at box offices the world over Memento:
Among the ornaments in Cecil De Mille's private office is
a crown of thorns, reposing on a red velvet pillow. The
crown was used in the crucifixion scene of "The King of
Kings" that Cecil made yrs. ago
The average print of a Hollywood talkie that goes whir
ring through the projection machine costs the studio about
$140 Plastic surgery in the Hollywood movie
colony during the past year: 42 nose and ear alterations;
385 dimples applied or removed; 345 pairs of eyebrows
raised or lowered; 191 hair lines changed; 186 lips made
thinner or thicker. And 60 per cent of the stars altered
were males
Good customers and fast travelers are the Hollywood
cinema stars and executives. They spent over $1,000,000 in
airplane fares last year There are more policemen
inside the Hollywood studio lots than there are coppers
covering regular Hollywood beats
There are all kinds of ways to make a living, and no less
than 4 concerns in Hollywood do nothing but supply insects
for the movies — anything from a trained flea to a dragon
fly Non-super-film: It took only 8 days of actual
shooting to make the most artistically successful movie of
1935, "The Informer." And the total cost was below
$250,000 — which is practically pin-money in Cinema-
land. ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS— AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 61 to 75
61. Rank these cities according to population: Belfast, Ireland;
Yokohama, Japan; Frankfort, Germany.
62. Which of the senses varies the most?
63. Is pneumonia an infectious disease?
64. Which is the lighter, balsa wood or cork?
65. Identify Edward Streeter as the author of what?
66. Excepting Australia, what are the three largest islands in
the world?
67. What direction does a tornado usually travel?
68. Rank these cities according to population: Buenos Aires;
Philadelphia; Moscow.
69. What jockey won the English Derby six times?
70. About how long are the days and nights at the equator?
71. What is the chief difference between an asteroid and a
satellite?
72. What is a vixen?
73. What are the tallest trees that grow in the world?
74. How many types of human blood are there?
75. What U. S. newspaper is often called "The Manchester
Guardian of America"?
Answers on page 60.
59
60 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWER (to Questions 61 to 75)
61. The cities ranJ^ thus: Yokohama, 705,000; Franltfort,
555,000; Belfast, 415,000. f •
62. Man's sense of taste varies more than any other sense.
63. Pneumonia is infectious.
64. Balsa wood weighs about half as much as cor\.
65. Edward Streeter is the author of the sensational best-selling
humorous boo\ of the World War, "Dere Mabel," and he
has just clicked again with "Daily Except Sundays."
66. The three largest islands in the world, next to Australia, are
Greenland, New Guinea and Borneo.
67. A tornado usually travels from southwest to northwest.
68. The cities ran\ thus: Moscow, 3,670,000; Buenos Aires,
3,325,000; Philadelphia, 1350,000.
69. Steve Donoghue won the English Derby six times.
70. The days and nights at the equator are virtually 12 hours
long throughout the year.
77. The chief difference between an asteroid and a satellite is
that the first revolves around the sun but the latter revolves
about a planet.
72. A vixen is a she-fox.
73. The tallest trees in the world are the California redwoods,
some attaining a height of 600 feet.
74. There are four types of human blood.
75. The St. Louis Post-Despatch is often called "The Manchester
Guardian of America"?
9-
PRESIDENTS' PARADE
PRECISIAN: Abraham Lincoln regarded the United
States as a plural term. In other words, he'd say "The
United States are" instead of "The United States is."
George Washington once said, "My public and private senti
ments are alike at all times."
The shortest President of the U. S. was James Madison,
who measured only 5 ft. 4 inches. The tallest, of course, was
Abe Lincoln with his 6 ft., 4 inches It was none
other than Geo. Washington, in his "Moral Maxims," who
said: "Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of
celestial fire called Conscience." Distinction: John
Quincy Adams was the only bald-headed President of the
U. S
Quick, now: For what President of the U. S. did the Su
preme Court actually stand up and cheer? Well, when
Woodrow Wilson entered the House chamber to deliver
his war speech in 1917 the Supreme Court Justices, down
front under the President's nose, rose and led the entire
assemblage in applause An eminent portrait painter
points out that George Washington's features indicate he
was a man of the strongest and most ungovernable pas
sions
61
62 TAKE IT FROM ME
When F. D. R. had more than 1000 Washington cor
respondents as his White House guests on a recent evening,
the rations consisted of cheese and bologna sandwiches and
oodles and oodles of beer Solon's secret: From
youth on through his earlier adult days, Abraham Lincoln
practised writing poetry — and some of it wasn't half
bad
Despite the legend of Geo. Washington's modesty per
sists, Carl D. Sandburg, in his "The Saga of American So
ciety" relates that until a friend laughed him out of the idea,
the Father of His Country, as President, wanted to be called
"High Mightiness." Kiss of death: In all history,
the only 2 men the Whig party elected President of the U. S.
died in office — Wm. Henry Harrison and Zachary Taylor.
They also happen to be the only Presidents who actually
died in the White House
Rumblings and reverberations: When President Millard
Fillmore had the first bathtub installed in the White House
in 1851, a national scandal virtually ensued, with red-
blooded Americans all over the land yelping that the chief
executive was a sissy Abraham Lincoln, under the
firm name of Berry & Lincoln, was granted a saloon license
to dispense liquor at Springfield, 111., on March 6,
1833
Payroll : from Geo. Washington to U. S. Grant, Presidents
of the U. S. drew $25,000 a yr.; from Grant to Teddy Roose
velt, $50,000 annually; and from Taft to F. D. R.,
$75,000 Distinction: The first President to be born
a citizen of the U. S. A. was Martin Van Buren
Catch of the season: At the tender age of 29 Geo. Wash
ington was the richest resident of America Eliza
PRESIDENTS' PARADE 63
McArdle, who afterward became his wife, taught Andrew
Johnson, later to be President of the U. S., how to read and
write On becoming President of the U. S., George
Washington did not take the oath prescribed by the Con
stitution. He simply said, "I do solemnly swear that I will
support the Constitution of the United States."
The 5th cousinship between the F. D. R.'s and the T. R.'s
is the 4th instance of relationship between 2 Presidents of the
U. S. John Adams and John Quincy Adams were father
and son; Wm. Henry Harrison and Benj. Harrison were
grandfather and grandson; and James Madison and Zachary
Taylor were 2nd cousins The most costly candidate
for President of the U. S. was Warren G. Harding in
whose behalf the Rep. Nat. Committee of 1920 spent
$5,319,729
Evolution: When the republic started, George Washing
ton favored calling the executive mansion "The President's
Palace," but that was discarded as too formal. So it became
just "The President's House." Later, on stationery and in
documents, Teddy Roosevelt substituted "The White House"
as its official designation Woodrow Wilson once
observed : "People never remain the same after they come to
Washington. They either grow or swell — usually the lat
ter.",
It was no walkaway for Geo. Washington to obtain the
Presidency of the U. S. The first time there were n other
candidates running against him and for his 2nd term he was
opposed by 4 hopefuls Question: A researcher in
quires if F. D. R. got that Phi Beta Kappa key he always
wears from a pawn shop. For in his 1904 class book at
Harvard, his name isn't listed among the class members of
64 TAKE IT FROM ME
the P. B. K. nor is he in the group photo of those mem
bers
President U. S. Grant once pulled one of those Dolly Gann
controversies when he visited Europe, yis son, accompany
ing him, refused to dine at the state dinner unless he was
seated at the same table with the Queen — and Ulysses backed
him up to the hilt although Sonny Boy didn't rate the
honor President James K. Polk of U. S. got re
ligion late. It wasn't until he was on his death bed that he
was baptized by a Methodist clergyman
During the whole year when Calvin Coolidge served as a
newspaper columnist, under contract to write 200 words a
day, he never varied as much as 10 words from the quota of
200 Emily Post's etiquette goes into the ashcan
when folks line up to shake F. D. R.'s hand at a presidential
reception. The attendants insist that the gentleman go ahead
of his lady in the reception line and you'll get a tap on your
shoulder if you go in for gallantry and disobey
Love comes to the White House: Three American Presi
dents were married during their term of office — Tyler, Cleve
land and Wilson. But Tyler's and Wilson's were their 2nd
marriages The greatest of all death coincidences
in American history were two ex-Presidents, Thomas Jeffer
son and John Adams, passing away on the same day, the
Fourth of July of 1826, exactly a half century after the Dec
laration of American Independence in which they both
played a prominent part
A President with a high sense of humor was Andrew
Jackson while in the White House. When Andy picked
Martin Van Buren for U. S. minister to Great Britain and the
Senate turned down the nomination, Old Hickory framed
PRESIDENTS' PARADE 65
the works and had Van Buren elected Vice President and
thus preside over the very body that once spurned
him
Distinction: Just one Vice President of the U. S. resigned
from that office before the expiration of his term — John Cal-
houn, when he had a testy quarrel with President Andrew
Jackson
The suspense was awful: It wasn't until 8 days after the
election of 1789 that George Washington was notified he'd
been elected President of the U. S There weren't
any White House correspondents till Teddy Roosevelt's
term in the White House. Up to then the newspaper lads
had tarried on the sidewalk outside the W.H., in all kinds
of weather, to buttonhole and interview personages on their
way out. Then, kind-hearted T.R. set aside a special room
for them inside and invited them in — where they've been
welcome ever since
President John Adams once defined an aristocrat thus:
"Whenever I use the word aristocrat I mean a citizen who
can command or govern two votes or more in society,
whether by his virtue, his talents, his learning, his loquacity,
his taciturnity, his frankness, his reserve, grace, face, figure,
eloquence, air, attitude, movements, wealth, birth, art,
address, intrigue, drunkenness, debauchery, fraud, perjury,
violence, treachery, Pyrrhonism, deism, or atheism — for by
every one of these instruments have votes been obtained."
(Sounds like John was kind of sarcastic.)
Fancy, we calls it: It sounds kind of oo-la-la in these demo
cratic days, but Geo. Washington's presidential coach was
canary colored and adorned with Cupids holding garlands
of flowers The killing job: Not counting the 3
66 TAKE IT FROM ME
who were assassinated, the first 7 Presidents of the U. S.
died at an average age of 78, the second 7 at an average of
71, the third 7 at an average of 66 and the last 8 died at an
average of 65 yrs / .
Only one of the first 7 Presidents of the U. S. had a son.
And that one son, John Quincy Adams, grew up to be a
President himself Dominie in the White House:
At the time of his election to the Presidency, James A.
Garfield was a minister of the church called the Disciples
of Christ Poof for the Presidency of the U. S.!
Thomas Jefferson wrote this epitaph for his tomb: "Here
lies buried Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of
Independence, of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Free
dom, and Father of the University of Virginia." (Not a
word of his 8 years in the White House.) Maybe
Henry Clay was smart: George Washington, although rich
in land and slaves, suffered so financially from depreciated
currency that he had to borrow money to pay his travelling
expenses from Mt. Vernon to N. Y. to be inaugurated— and
Thomas Jefferson, once a wealthy Virginian, died virtually
broke. ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 76 to 90
76. What is the most abundant metal found in the earth?
77. How does Boston rank as a U. S. wholesale market?
78. What is the oldest of America's great symphonic orchestras?
79. What three states lead in the production of leather foot
wear ?
80. Will sound travel faster on a hot, humid summer day or on
a dry, cold day?
81. Which weighs more, a cubic foot of water or a cubic foot
of ice?
82. Who was the first Vice-President of the U. S.?
83. What was the One Hundred Years' War?
84. At about what figure is the current enlistment of the U. S.
regular Army?
85. Which is heavier, a troy ounce or an avoirdupois ounce?
86. What are Uncle Sam's submarines named after?
87. Which is higher, the Empire State Building or the Great
Pyramid of Egypt?
88. Give the names of the five Great Lakes.
89. Name the capital of Canada.
90. Is there any U. S. battleship now in service that is named
after a New England state?
Answers on page 68.
68 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 76 to 90)
76. Aluminum is the most abundant metal found in the earth.
77. Boston is the third largest wholesale ,marfet of the U. S.,
exceeded only by New Yor^ and Chicago.
j8. The Philharmonic of New Yor](, founded in 1842, is the
oldest of America's great symphonic orchestras.
79. New Yor^, Massachusetts and Missouri lead all other states
in the production of leather footwear.
80. Sound travels through hot summer air faster than through
dry zero air.
81. A cubic foot of water weighs 62% pounds. A cubic foot of
ice, 57.2 pounds.
82. John Adams was the first Vice-President of the U. S.
83. The One Hundred Years' War was actually a series of con
flicts between England and France, and lasted from 13$] to
84. In the regular United States Army today the enlistment is
approximately 180,000.
#5. In the U. S. table of weights and measures the troy ounce
is about one-tenth heavier than the avoirdupois ounce.
86. Uncle Sam's submarines are named after fish.
8j. The Great Pyramid is 485 feet high; the Empire State
Building is 1248 feet high.
88. The names of the five Great Lakes are: Superior, Michigan,
Huron, Erie and Ontario.
89. Ottawa is the capital of Canada.
90. No. No U. S. battleship now in service is named after a
New England state.
10.
FAMOUS FIRSTS
first watches sold commercially were made in Ger-
JL many, had the shape of an egg and varied as much as an
hour a day — yet folks of the time thought they were won
derful The word "nickname" was originally "eke-
name," in which "eke" had the meaning of "also."
N. Y. City's first major industry — of all things ! — was com
merce in beaver pelts. Which is why the city's official seal
bears a picture of that animal The catch phrase,
"Don't sell America short," was first uttered by the elder
J. P. Morgan during the banking crisis of 1907 It
was Benjamin Franklin who first observed, "Nothing is
certain but death and taxes."
Paper money and playing cards were both printed for
the first time in the loth century The first copy
right in the world was granted in Ireland when a monk of
Tara designed a psalter that was copied by a rival monastery.
The designer thereupon appealed to the king, who ordered
the imitation psalter destroyed and thereby laid the ground
work for the copyright law of today
The idea for the Christmas seal originated with a Danish
postal clerk, Einar Hobbell, working in the Copenhagen
post office back in 1904, and from the first the receipts were
devoted to combatting tuberculosis Back in 1895,
69
7o TAKE IT FROM ME
Prof. Samuel P. Langley built an airplane powered by a
steam engine and managed to keep it up in the ozone for 6
seconds
The word "news" has been in use only 400 yrs. Before that,
ty dings (spelled that way) meant the same thing
No. i martyr: The first person in the world to be killed in
an airplane smash was Lieut. T. E. Selfridge, who was killed
near Wash., D. C., when flying with Wilbur Wright on
Sept. 17, 1908. Wright was injured in the crash, but re
covered
Nothing new under the sun: On view at Johns Hopkins
Univ. is a Cretan cross-word puzzle that's at least 2000 yrs.
old. ..... Historic: The first ice cream soda was made
in 1874 when a Phila. druggist dropped a hunk of ice cream
into a soda and discovered it was an improvement
The first real Christmas tree can be traced back to about
1600 A.D. in Germany. And for the next 200 yrs., that was
the only country that had them. .....
The first edition of the Bible ever printed in America
(1663) was in the Indian language and was called "Um-
Biblium God." The newly-riches of ancient Rome
imported scholars from Greece to teach their children — and
that's where the private tutorial system started
Movable metal type was being used for printing in Korea
50 yrs. before Gutenberg bobbed up with the idea in Eu
rope
Evolution: When the original Pierce Arrow company
started in 1870, it manufactured bird cages, incubators and
bicycles Distinction: The first American ship to
sail around the world was the Columbia, out of Boston, in
1790
FAMOUS FIRSTS 71
The first fellow who appreciated a good press agent was
Alexander the Great, who, standing at the tomb of Achilles,
cried out, "O fortunate youth, to have had Homer as the
herald of your fame!" Pioneers: The first American
hotel to be built on modern lines, with a lobby, was the
Tremont in Boston, shortly followed by the Astor in N. Y.
and the St. Charles in New Orleans Credit where
it's due: It was William Drennan, the Irish poet, in a book
published in 1795, who first called Ireland the Emerald
Isle
The world's first pot of tea was brewed as a beverage be
cause of the fact that a Chinese mandarin sought to hide
the awful taste of Yangtze river water by steeping in it a
few dried leaves of a shrub that grew in his garden
The acre was originally the area that a yoke of oxen could
plow in a day There's certainly nothing new under
the sun: Anyway, chain stores were started in China 'way
back in the 2nd century of the Christian Era
Oracles and priests originated the art of ventriloquism
more than 2000 yrs. ago when they learned to speak with
their lips closed, thereby making listeners think they were
hearing the prophecies of a nearby image
Birth of a notion: It was an obscure French confectioner,
Nicholas Appert, who first successfully put up food in
tin cans — and won a prize of 12,000 francs from no less
a person than Napoleon, to whose soldiers and sailors the
process of preserving foodstuffs meant a great deal
Far back in 1870, when Lenin was in diapers and Stalin
was unborn, Dr. John B. Ellis published an expose of Com
munism in the United States
Set in an old stone wall at Rugby school in England is
72 TAKE IT FROM ME
a century-old bronze tablet with this inscription: "In mem
ory of William Webb Ellis, who, with a fine disregard for
rules of football as played in his day, first took the ball
in his arms and ran with it, thus laying the foundations
for the Rugby game." (And for American football, too,
if I might add it.)
It'll interest F. D. R. to know that Dr. Pierre Purve of
the University of Chicago has dug up hieroglyphic tablets
to prove that holding companies flourished in the Mesopo-
tamian city of Nuzi more than 3000 years ago In
the war with Siam centuries ago, the Chinese were the first
to use armored ships. They covered their boats with raw
ox hides to protect the crew from the stones and arrows
hurled by the enemy
When coffee was first used as a beverage, only learned
and religious people drank it Such is fame: An
Englishman named Preece invented the low frequency tele
graph a whole yr. before Marconi brought out high fre
quency wireless telegraphy in 1896 — but who ever heard of
Mr. Preece ? When Joseph Jefferson approached the
pastor of a great N. Y. church to hold funeral services for
his actor friend, George Holland, the snooty divine declined
and gingerly recommended that he try "the little church
around the corner" — which is how that now famous edifice
first got its name
H. Gordon Selfridge, ex-Chicago merchant prince who
now owns London's greatest dept. store, is credited with
establishing the world's first bargain basement No. i
man: The first student of the first law school in this country
(Litchfield Law School in Conn., 1763) was Aaron Burr,
of whom you may have heard
FAMOUS FIRSTS 73
In addition to serving as President and writing the Declara
tion of Independence, Thomas Jefferson did another good
turn for his countrymen. He introduced waffles to America,
bringing the first criss-crossed waffle iron here from
Holland Stout is also called Porter because so
many porters used to drink it in British pubs when it was
introduced in the i8th century
A Scotch humorist, John Arbuthnot, in 1712, created
John Bull as the personification of the English nation. In
a satire, John Bull was portrayed as a fat, good-natured,
bull-headed man, Louis Baboon as a Frenchman, and
Nicholas Frog as a Dutchman, but John Bull was the only
name and figure that stuck
Snoopy-ookums: The Roman poet Cato asserted that
the custom of kissing came into being that the men folks
might more readily discover if their wives had been tasting
wine The term "going west," used as a euphemism
for death during the World War, originated in the i6th
century. In those days, writers said that prisoners who were
sentenced to death in London, "went west" — to be hanged
at Tyburn
An old-timer informs us: When the typewriter was first
put on the market, salesmen had to give demonstrations to
skeptical prospects and their favorite word to tap out was
"typewriter." So the letters in that word were carefully
placed in the top row of the keyboard (to make it easier
for the sales lads) and a few other letters tossed in to fill
out the line. The rest of the keyboard was arrived at more
or less haphazardly
Slight accident: The Frenchman Daguerre was trying
to discover a way to clean tarnished silver when he stumbled
74 TAKE IT FROM ME
on the secret which led to photography Few folks
know what they mean when they say, "I slept like a top."
Top is a corruption of the French word "taupe," meaning
a mole, and the expression is derived from the French
phrase, "II dort comme un taupe" (He sleeps like a
mole.)
The first world's Ely Culbertson to cash in on teaching
card games was none other than Edmond Hoyle, the fellow
who drew up all the rules. He cleaned up a tidy fortune
explaining whist to Londoners — and lived to the ripe old
age of 97
The Romans were the first to use feather beds
Yum-yum: The world's largest Christmas pudding was
brewed (yes, brewed!) at the Red Lion Inn, Southmark,
England, in 1718 and weighed more than 1000
pounds
FAVORITE GAGS
"We were starving to death," said the great explorer at
the boarding house table, "but we cut up our boots and ate
them."
"Hush, not so loud," said a pallid fellow boarder, "the
landlady might hear you."
"Is this the fire station?" asked a timid voice.
"Yes," said the chief eagerly.
"Well," continued the voice, "I've put in some new
plants—"
"Where's the fire?" asked the chief.
"and some of these new plants are very expensive," the
voice continued.
"Look here," said the chief. "You want the flower shop."
"No, I don't," said the voice. "I was coming to that in
a minute. My neighbor's house is on fire and I don't want
your firemen treading all over my garden when you get
.here."
JUDGE: "Who was driving the car when you collided with
the truck?
STEW (triumphantly) : "No one," he said, "we were all in
the back seat."
75
76 TAKE IT FROM ME
SON: "What does P. S. mean at the end of a letter?"
FATHER (absent-mindedly) : "Please Settle."
FATHER (to son) : "Why don't you go but and find a job?
When I was your age, I was working in a store for $3 a
week and in 10 years I owned the place."
SON: "You can't do that nowadays. They have cash reg
isters."
FRESHMAN: "Ginger ale."
WAITER: "Pale?"
FRESHMAN: "No, thanks. A glass will do."
LITTLE ELSIE: "Mother, is it correct to say you water a horse
when you give it a drink ?"
MOTHER: "Yes, dear; that's right."
ELSIE: "Well, then, I've just milked the cat."
WIFE: "Wake up, Henry! There's a burglar going through
your pockets."
HUBBY (rolling over) : "Oh, you two just fight it out be
tween yourselves."
CUSTOMER: "You know that music stool you sold me?"
SHOPKEEPER: "Yes."
CUSTOMER: "Well, I've twisted and turned it in all direc
tions but I can't get a single note out of it."
FAVORITE GAGS 77
SMITH: "Did you give your wife that lecture in economy
you talked about?"
JONES: "I'll say I did."
SMITH: "Any results?"
JONES: "Yes; I've got to give up smoking."
ROYALTY 'ROUND THE WORLD
AT any British banquet, no one may smoke during the
dinner or even after the last course until the toast
to the King has been given The successor to the
throne of Japan was determined in 858 A.D. by a wrestling
match. The two sons of the Emperor Buntoku settled who'd
be the next Mikado by the grunt and groan method
A king is addressed in a letter as "Sire." And the envelope
is directed to "The King's Most Excellent Majesty."
Distinction : When you're knighted by the King of England,
you are a "Sir" for the duration of your life. But when
you're made a baronet, you can pass the title down to your
oldest son
When skies are blue: British monarchs whose birthdays
don't fall in either May or June have to celebrate them in
one of those 2 months anyway. It just happens, though,
that the current George VI is the first King since Edward
VII who had to suffer a switch in his natal celebration,
George V and the abdicated Edward VIII having actually
been born in June anyway And that reminds us:
King George VI's favorite fags are a brand of Virginia
cigarettes
Delayed Durbar: Although King George has postponed
his coronation visit to India, it's probable it won't even
78
ROYALTY 'ROUND THE WORLD 79
occur, due to a seething unrest among the inhabitants of
that jumpy land
King Victor Emmanuel of Italy, despite the high-heeled
boots he always wears, looks short because his height is
only 4 feet, ii inches in his stocking feet Nice going,
kid: Young King Farouk of Egypt inherited $62,000,000
from his old man in addition to his throne
Thar she blows: Because Henry VIII liked his women
folks plump, he ordered that the maids of honor at his
court be allowed a daily ration of eight gallons of
beer Candid cameras are out: Newspaper photog
raphers are not permitted to take pictures of King George
VI's personal activities without making prior arrangements
with the royal secretary
Another abdication: Expect no more world-wide Christ
mas greetings from King George VI by radio. He becomes
so jittery before a microphone that that form of royal ac
tivity is definitely out in the future The Duke
of Windsor isn't exactly dependent on what the British
royal family kicks in to him. When he abdicated, the best au
thorities placed his personal worth at $3,500,000, and as the
boys say, that ain't hay.
So strait-laced was King George VI's great-grand
mother, Queen Victoria, she absolutely forbade glasses to be
worn at Court, in fact, the late King George V was the first
British monarch to wear spectacles in public Queen
Mother Mary of England still enjoys her after-dinner cig
arettes, but that's the only time she smokes them
Hands off the Mikado: So sacred is that descendant of
the Sun Goddess, the Emperor of Japan, regarded that no
one is permitted directly to touch his body. Even the court
8o TAKE IT FROM ME
physician, feeling His Majesty's pulse, for instance, has to
wear silk gloves for the chore Side line : To dispose
of surplus goods produced by his royal vineyards, dairies and
orchards, King Carol of Rumania runs a' small grocery store
just inside the back door of his palace at Bucharest
Dessert de luxe: Some of the most fastidious of India's
maharajahs have their ice cream coated with a thin cov
ering of gold leaf and then eat it Britain's new
Queen Elizabeth isn't averse to wagering a pound or so on
a hoss .race. And she likes to play long shots and
hunches
Prophetic: On the front cover of the popular song, "If I
Had You," published in 1928, was printed, "The Prince of
Wales's Favorite Fox Trot." And the concluding lyrics of
the chorus run: "I could climb the snow capped mountains,
sail the mighty ocean wide, I could cross the burning desert,
if I had you by my side. I could be King, dear, uncrowned,
humble or poor, rich or renowned. There is nothing I
couldn't do, if I had you!"
Of course it's still red when you have a nosebleed, but
when you're a member of Italy's social elite, you're said to
have black blood not blue blood, in your veins
Recent photos reveal that Queen Elizabeth of Gt. Britain
has a pair of rather pudgy ankles for her age
Embarrassing moment: At the coronation of Henry I,
the Bishop of Salisbury, jealous of the Archbishop of Can
terbury, roughly pushed the latter aside and at the height
of the ceremony himself jammed the crown on the King's
head. Whereupon Canterbury, good and mad, knocked the
crown to the floor with his crozier and then whacked Henry
over the bean.
ROYALTY 'ROUND THE WORLD 81
The famed solid gold table service at Buckingham Palace
is worth an average of $2000 a plate. And no guest has ever
copped one as a souvenir Royal etiquette: As a
ruling monarch, no king attends the coronation of another
king. But he sometimes is present only as an individual —
ex officio, as you might say
Distinction: The only white rajah in the world is Sir
Charles Vyner Brooke, who reigns over some 40,000 sq.
miles in northern Borneo Dowager Queen Mary
of England manages to struggle along on an annual pension
of $335,000, which is not derived directly from the public
treasury but from the revenues of former royal
estates
A nice old guy was King George III of England, who
enjoyed inviting a flock of persons to his palace, making
them dance three or four hours to the same tune and then
dismissing them without offering the slightest trace of re
freshments Public notice: To quell the excite
ment caused by rumors of miracles happening in the St.
Medard cemetery in Paris in 1732, Louis XV ordered its
gates locked and posted this sign on them: "By order of
the King, God is hereby forbidden to work miracles in
this place."
The Duke of Windsor not only abdicated his throne,
but has also renounced his title of the world's best dressed
man, a sartorial authority asserts. Says the critic, on the
basis of Edward's recent clothes: He's wearing trousers
too wide for his height; the cut of his lapels is too short
and too wide for his height; and his neckties are pretty
weird
Although the late King George V's widow is officially
82 TAKE IT FROM ME
titled the Queen Dowager, she obviously dislikes the term.
In official court items in the London papers, she is referred to
simply as Queen Mary. And Queen Elizabeth is spoken
of as "the Queen," not "Queen Elizabeth,"
Depressions don't worry the famed Aga Khan. As
spiritual leader for more than 100,000,000 Moslems, he
gets 2l/2 per cent of their annual incomes as a gracious
tribute. It runs around $3,000,000 a yr We Amer
icans know the Japanese Emperor as Hirohito, but in Nip
pon they never use that term. To his subjects he's O-
Tenshi-Sama Absentee ownership: King Ananda
of Siam has never seen the country over which he reigns as
monarch. He's an n-yr.-old kid grabbing off an education
in Switzerland
England's Queen Elizabeth is tickled pink at the pros
pect of that trip to the U. S. and Canada, but the fly in
King George's ointment is reported to be that speech in
French he'll have to make at Quebec. It's tough enough
for the monarch to orate in his native tongue without going
into Frangais
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 91 to 105
91. What Presidents of the U. S. have been related to each
other ?
92. About how many Jews are there in the world?
93. Which draws the larger salary, the Chief Justice of the
United States or the Vice-President ?
94. What is the largest bird that flies?
95. Which is heavier, milk or cream?
96. What is the legal difference between slander and libel?
97. Who composed the opera "Tannhauser" ?
98. Where was Labor Day first celebrated?
99. From where was the nation's motto, "E Pluribus Unum,"
taken ?
100. About how many pounds more does the average American
male, 5 feet 5 inches high and 40 years old, weigh than the
average woman of the same height and age?
101. What makes common pins shine so brightly?
102. What is the middle name of Herbert C. Hoover?
103. Name the largest city in the world beginning with T?
104. What is dromania?
105. What and where is the tallest all-stone building in the
U. S.?
Answers on page 84.
83
84 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 91 to 105)
97. John Quincy Adams, the sixth President, was the son of
John Adams, the second President. Benjamin Harrison, the
twenty-third President, was the grandson of William Henry
Harrison, the ninth President. Zachary Taylor, the twelfth
President, was the second cousin of James Madison, the
fourth President. And, of course, Teddy and Franklin
Roosevelt are fifth cousins.
92. Of about 16,000,000 Jews in the world, 4,225,000 live in the
U.S.
95. The salary of the Chief Justice of the U. S. is $20,500. That
of the Vice-President, $15,000.
94. South American condors are the largest birds that fly.
95. Mil\ is heavier than cream. The cream rises to the sur
face, in fact, because it is composed of infinitesimal drops
of oil and fat that are lighter than the rest of the mil\.
96. "Legally, slander is malicious defamation by speech or oral
language. Libel is the same thing in print.
97. Wagner composed the opera "Tannhauser."
98. New Yor^ City was the first to celebrate Labor Day, in
1882, but Oregon was the first state actually to ma\e it a
legal holiday.
99. The nation's motto, "E Pluribus Unum," originally oc
curred in a poem, "Moretum," attributed to Virgil.
100. The average weight of a man 5 feet 5 inches high and 40
years old is only three pounds more than of a woman of
the same height and age.
101. Common pins have a coating of tin that ma^es them shine.
102. His full name is Herbert Clar\ Hoover.
103. The largest city in the world beginning with T is To^to.
104. Dromania is the scientific term for the instinct to wander.
105. Boston's Ames Building, at Washington and Court Streets,
is the tallest all-stone building in America.
72.
DITHERS FROM THE DICTATORS
slug: Although the adv. rates for Mussolini's
JL daily paper, // Popolo d'ltalia, are terrific, most Italian
business and industrial leaders are smart enough to buy
plenty of space in it just the same A sign in a
celebrated delicatessen advertises "Hitler herring." Ask
what it is and the prop, explains, "I take a Bismarck her
ring, cut out the brains, remove the backbone and open
the mouth.". ....
To conserve paper, Herr Hitler's govt. beseeches German
housewives to carry baskets and plates with them when
marketing, so the stuff they buy won't have to be put in
paper bags The govt. has warned all newspaper
editors in Japan to suppress: "Any item that is liable to
give the impression that the Japanese are a bellicose people
or that the Japanese foreign policy is aggressive." (My
goodness, perish the thought!)
Such is the acute shortage of foodstuffs in Germany that
the Nazi regime has even ordered magicians to cease doing
tricks involving the breaking of eggs in a hat, etc
Embarrassing diplomatic moment: Shortly after Mustapha
Kemal abolished the fez for all Turks, the Egyptian am
bassador to Turkey showed up wearing one, the fez also
85
86 TAKE IT FROM ME
being the national headgear of Egypt. Whereupon the
Turkish dictator stepped up and smacked the envoy right
smartly on his cheek
Me und Gott again: The Nazi-controlled Brunswich
Court of Appeals recently rendered this pronunciamento :
"Der Fuehrer is an envoy whom God has charged with a
great mission for his people and for the world. It is there
fore the duty of the church not to oppose, but to obey, the
will of God, of which Der Fuehrer is an expression." So
that settles it
From Gaudens Megaro's biography of Mussolini: "One
thing he fears is assassination. And does he not fear assas
sination because his own early teachings constitute an in
citement of his own assassination, now that he has come
to rule tyrannically?" It's estimated by excellent
authority that Hitler is shooting $80,000,000 a year on the
Nazi propaganda and spy system throughout the
world
High pressure man: In the 18 months he edited "Avanti"
before his accession to power, Mussolini jacked up its cir
culation from 28,000 to 94,000 — not bad Adolf
sets the styles — and we mean Hitler, not Menjou: The
German government's fashion headquarters actually con
trols the styles of all ready-to-wear clothing in that happy
land
The biographer, Gaudens Megaro, again speaking of
Mussolini: "He cannot pay even lip service to ideas un
less he can utilize them as instruments of his ambition for
power — With him, the utterance of an idea and the convic
tion that he alone can be its standard bearer are in
separable."
DITHERS FROM THE DICTATORS 87
Herr Hitler's running a special school for 800 super-
Nazis, covering all phases of spreading propaganda, not
only in Germany but throughout the world. It also con
tains a "poison library" of answers to any unfriendly
criticism from any other nations Despite all Hitler's
hullabaloo and hand waving, Germany's birth rate has
steadily declined in the past 15 years from 23 to 18.9 per
1000 population
Still talking in terms of cannon fodder, Mussolini's own
Milanese newspaper, II Popolo d'ltalia, recently moaned that
the steady decline of the national birth rate has already
deprived II Duce of 15 army divisions a score of yrs.
hence Aloofness and Adolf: Since he knocked
off his friend, Ernst Roehm, in the 1934 blood purge, there
isn't an acquaintance, however close, who's had the nerve
to address Herr Hitler as Adolf — and not even the No. 2
Nazi, Gen. Goering
Dictators vs. Cupid: Despite governmental subsidies and
ballyhoo to increase the marriage rate (and therefore the
birth rate) in Italy and Germany, there has been a steady
falling off in wedlocks in both lands Almost the
only fruit available in Germany today at reasonable prices
is bananas, tons of which Hitlerland has received from
South American republics in exchange for German ma
chinery and chemicals
Prerogative: Mussolini may run the works in Italy, but
when he confers with the King, he's not supposed to open
his mouth until Victor Emmanuel has the first word.
(Dunno how it works out, but we have our doubts.)
Hitler's first role in political life in Germany after the
World War was that of a corporal assigned to spy on
88 TAKE IT FROM ME
labor meetings and report the gist of the speeches
there
Yours sincerely: All letters originating in Germany,
wherever destined, must wind up with a "Heil, Hitler" in
stead of the customary "Yours truly" or the like
Talking out of turn: Mussolini got so mad at a British
journalist who asked him in a press conference, "What's
going to happen when you die?" that the fourth estater
has never since been readmitted to II Duce's tete-a-tetes
with newspaper men
Benito in a berth: When the Fascist blackshirts made
their memorable march on Rome in 1924, Mussolini wasn't
triumphantly in the lead, as you might expect. II Duce came
down from Milan to Rome in a sleeping car
Mussolini is pushing thousands of cheap radio sets into the
Near East with the gadgets so arranged that propaganda
from Italy comes in clearly, but powerful British stations
are shut out altogether
II Duce was christened Benito Amilcare Andrea Musso
lini — Benito after Benito Juarez, the Mexican revolutionist
who led a revolt against the Emperor Maximilian and had
him executed; Amilcare after Amilcare Cipriani, the
Romagnoule anarchist, one of the founders of the Italian
Socialist party; and Andrea after Andrea Costa, another
anarchist-internationalist. So maybe that explains every
thing Whoops, my dear: More than 15 kinds of
perfumes grace Adolf Hitler's private boudoir
For the record: In the last "free" election held in Ger
many, 6,000,000 voted the Communist ticket whereas the
total number of Jews in the country was only about i-ioth
of the total. And of the 100 Communist deputies elected, not
DITHERS FROM THE DICTATORS 89
one was a Jew When Hitler comes to town: On
Der Fuehrer's most recent sortie to Italy to call on his pal,
Mussolini, 500 Nazi strong-arm men were imported to
Rome, where they donned black shirts and mingled with
the Fascist police. Then a phalanx of Italian detectives
visited every home and shop on the route over which Adolf
was to pass, not only inspecting roofs and drains from
which a pot-shot might be fired, but requiring landlords and
tenants to be entirely responsible for anyone using their
premises. (Gosh, we'll bet one loud Boo! would have scared
Adolf stiff.)
Ain't there a good dentist in the Reich?— or maybe he
doesn't care. Anyway, Adolf Hitler's teeth are badly out of
alignment. (And maybe that isn't all.)
With all Hitler's verbal bravado, there are those close to
him who say his own physical courage is extremely doubt
ful Ever notice how often Mussolini, in his pictures,
has a hat of some sort on? Well, no Italian photographer
would dare snap him with his dome uncovered. Reason:
II Duce is terribly sensitive about his nearly bald
head
II Duce likes 'em plump: A recent ukase from Mussolini
is that all advertisements in Italian publications, featuring
women, must portray the buxom type of femme
Non-erudite: Herr Hitler's so busy being a big shot, he
never has time to read anything except the most screaming
headline
Adolf Hitler's papa, a hard-drinking cobbler, thought
his adolescent lad was slightly nutsy and beat him time and
again Smoke screen: To take the German Nazis'
minds off their terrific food shortage, Hitler's subsidized
90 TAKE IT FROM ME
newspapers are constantly printing pictures of Americans
in breadlines — taken, of course, at the depth of our own
depression
The boy who made good: Dr. Paul Goebbels, Nazi big-
shot and Minister of Propaganda, before Hitler came along
was a third-rate hack writer and had the greatest of difficulty
selling his stuff One European writer observes that
Mussolini came into power without a program of any sort,
but quickly evolved one, whereas Hitler stepped into power
with a well-defined program, but speedily abandoned
it
It's generally accepted that they use doubles — that Musso
lini has one do his physical work, like threshing that wheat,
and another to drive his car those 90 miles an hour you hear
about — but have you heard the rumor that persists to the
effect that Hitler was assassinated and several doubles are
now being used as stooge for him ? The latest is that he was
knocked off just before the Munich conference
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 106 to 120
106. What are the leading wine-producing states of the U. S.?
107. Identify Demosthenes.
108. Name the eight states beginning with M.
109. Name the only planets on which physical and chemical
conditions would make human life possible.
no. Did Fahrenheit invent the thermometer or not?
in. What does a rasher of bacon mean?
112. Name the five senses.
113. What are the so-called Maritime Provinces in North
America ?
114. About how many men are there in the U. S. Marines
today?
115. Are all these words, or any, misspelled: leisure, hemor
rhage, indispensable, embarrassment, obeisance?
116. What is the largest city in the world beginning with C?
117. Where, in Massachusetts, does the British Government
own a plot of land?
118. What is an ampersand?
119. Next to the U. S., what nation has the most telephones in
service ?
120. What does the D stand for in John D. Rockefeller's name?
Answers on page 92.
92 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 106 to 120)
106. California, New Yor^, Ohio and Michigan are the coun
try's leading wine-producing states. X •
107. Demosthenes was a famous orator of ancient Greece.
108. Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mis
souri, Mississippi and Montana.
109. The earth and Mars are the only two planets on which
physical and chemical conditions would permit human
life.
no. Fahrenheit did not invent the thermometer but he was
the first to use quicksilver instead of alcohol in the glass
tube, which made a superior instrument.
in. A rasher of bacon means three slices of it.
112. The five senses are those of sight, smell, taste, touch and
hearing.
113. The Maritime Provinces are Nova Scotia, New BrunswicJ^
and Prince Edward Island.
114. The U. S. Marines consist of about 17,000 men today.
775. None of the words in this question was misspelled. Ouch!
Sorry.
116. Chicago is the largest city in the world beginning with C.
777. The British Government owns a plot of land near Concord
Bridge containing the graves of thirteen soldiers filled in
the famous battle in 7775.
775. Ampersand is the name of the sign for "and," you 1(now,
this: &.
779. Germany, with approximately 3450,000, ran\s next to the
U. S. in the number of telephones.
120. John D. Rockefeller's middle name is Davison.
AH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS
EXEMPTION: In ancient days, expectant mothers
could take fruit from any orchard without a chance
of redress for the owner Fair enough: But back in
George Washington's day U. S. Senators and Representa
tives got $6 a day as pay, but only while Congress was in
session It was an old Roman custom to serve a
guest as many cups of wine as there were letters in his
name. (And we don't see how a guy named Theophilus
McGillicuddy could stand it.)
Up to 1870, the title of professor was held in disrepute.
Such intellectual Harvard eminents as James Russell
Lowell, Louis Agassiz and William James didn't want it
attached to their names Up to a century ago
strangers customarily shared the same room and bed at
American hotels. In fact, it was a sensational innovation
when a Boston hostelry, in 1829, for the first time offered
to rent rooms for the exclusive occupancy of just one
guest
Oh, doctor: The accepted method of curing a stomach
ache 300 yrs. ago was for the physician to sit on the pa
tient's stomach and bounce up and down It was
only as far back as your grandmammy's day that folks in
the North thought that infantile paralysis was spread by
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butterflies and those in the South thought buzzards trans
ported the disease When H. C. Lytton, head man
of a leading Chicago dept. store, The Hub, bet on Grover
Cleveland to win the Presidency in 1888 and lost, he donned
a full dress suit and sawed a cord of wood in the window
of his store as a publicity stunt
On Feb. 12, 1849, the selectmen of Nantucket Island
decreed the town bell should thenceforth be rung thrice
daily as follows: "7 A.M., time to start the day's work; 12
noon, time to quit for dinner; 9 P.M., time to go to bed."
And it's still rung on that very same schedule today. The
town bell ringer collects 40 cts. each time he ascends the
belfry and yanks the rope
The electric eye, which we like to think so modern, was
invented more than 50 yrs. ago. But at the time they didn't
know just how to adapt it to some good use Up
to 1845, it was a Boston custom for shopkeepers to bill their
customers only once a year for goods purchased — on Dec.
31 The Youth's Companion, a juvenile weekly pub
lished in Boston, once had the largest mass circulation of any
magazine in the U. S
For 2 years under the Tweed ring's rule half a century
ago N. Y. City's bill for stationery alone was $2,272,-
ooo A 35-yr.-old automobile just traded in to a
dealer has a dash socket for a whip. The lash was used to
keep the kids from jumping on at the rear. Some of its other
equipment consists of a running board mud-scraper, a
celluloid windshield and a folding rear-entrance step.
When automobiles first went on pneumatic tires in
the U. S., it took 2 hours to repair a punctured inner
tube. .
AH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS 95
Historic: The first automobile advertisement published
in the U. S. was in the Scientific American for July 30,
1898, and boosted the Winton "motor carriage." The ad's
flaring headline read: "Dispense with a Horse . . . and
save the expense, care and anxiety of keeping it. To run a
motor carriage costs about !/z cent a mile." (Oh, yeah?)
Its demoniac speed was advertised as about "from 3 to 20
miles an hour."
At the turn of this century, only one pair of silk stock
ings was sold for every 2000 inhabitants in the U. S
Up to 1776, corporal punishment was dealt out to Yale un
dergraduates by the prexy himself, who publicly boxed
their ears Half a century ago, just 4 cities in the
U. S. — N. Y., Chicago, Phila., and Boston — had newspapers
that could boast 100,000 circulation
Back in 1676, in Northampton, Mass., one Hannah
Lyman was summoned before the judge for having publicly
worn a dress trimmed with gold lace and bright-colored
ribbons, "to the shame and mortification of her betters."
And the kindly judge slapped her with a fine of a couple of
pounds In the good old days half a century ago,
football backs usually had leather straps like valise handles,
sewed to the shoulders and hips of their suits so teammates
could grab them the better and haul them forward for extra
yardage
The gals of the gay po's not only used bustles, but also
false calves to conceal unshapely legs. The phoney attach
ments for the gams were cloth filled with sawdust and
tied about the calves, beneath the stockings, in any shape
desired From a "25 Years Ago Today" column:
"Auto traffic from Cape Cod Sunday afternoon was the
96 TAKE IT FROM ME
heaviest ever. In a half hour, 90 cars were counted."
Back in 1856, the crotchety editor of Harper's Monthly
described Young America as a "Pasty-faced, narrow-chested,
spindle-shanked, dwarfed race." That mus-t have been before
we started eating vitamins Payroll records dug up
for the First Nat. Bank of Boston reveal the salary of its
president in 1789 was $200 a yr. — the same as the porter's.
FAVORITE GAGS
Comedian Jack Osterman tells of the Schenectady, N. Y.,
hotel alongside the railroad tracks, with trains choo-chooing
past all through the night.
The other evening when a drunk checked in and could
stand it no longer, he called up the desk and asked, "What
time does this hotel stop at Syracuse?"
A tourist traveling through the Texas Panhandle got
into conversation with an old settler and his son. "Looks
like we might have some rain," said the tourist.
"Well, I hope so," said the Old Settler, "not so much for
myself, as for my boy here. I've seen it rain."
OLD LADY: "Captain, what shall I do if I become seasick?"
CAPTAIN: "Don't worry about that. You'll do it all right."
The judge stared at the prisoner with contempt in his eyes.
"Do you mean to say," he asked, "that you murdered that
poor old woman for a paltry three dollars ?"
The prisoner shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Well,
Judge, you know how it is. Three bucks here and three
bucks there — it mounts up."
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MOTHER: "William!"
WILLIE: "What, ma?"
MOTHER: "Are you spitting in the goldfish bowl?"
WILLIE: "No, ma, but I'm coming pretty close."
"Johnny, I wish you'd have better table manners. You're
a regular little pig at the table." Deep silence on Johnny's
part so father, to impress him more, added, "I say, Johnny,
do you know what a little pig is ?"
"Yes, sir," meekly replied Johnny. "It's a hog's little boy."
"Clorine," said her mistress, "I heard about your hard luck
and I'm terribly sorry."
"Deed, ma'am, Ah ain't had no hard luck."
"Why, wasn't your husband killed in an accident yester
day?"
"Oh, yes, ma'am; but dat's his hard luck."
MISTRESS (to new maid) : "Be careful when you dust these
pictures, Mary; they're all old masters."
MAID: "Good gracious! Who'd ever think you'd been
married all those times, mum!"
FATHER: "A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes
over to the other side."
BOY: "Well, what's a man who leaves his party and comes
over to your side?"
FATHER: "A convert, my boy."
ELDERLY GOLFER (on a Miami course) : "Notice any improve
ment since last year?"
CADDY: "Had your clubs shined, haven't you?"
YOUR GOVERNMENT— AND MINE
IN the nation's history, the numerical strength of the
Supreme Court has been changed half a doz. times —
from 6 members to 7 to 9 to 10 to 7 to 9 Who read
'em, we dunno, but last yr. the govt. printing office whirled
off 5,806,276,860 copies of various publications
Just why, we dunno, but: If a U. S. Senator dies in
office, the Governor of his state can appoint his successor.
But if a Representative dies in office, they have to hold an
election to obtain a successor Cablegrams sent and
received by the state dept. in Washington cost around $700
a day Always butting in: The U. S. govt. has
landed its troops on foreign soil on more than 100 occasions
in the past 115 yrs
Efficiency in Washington: The original tabulating ma
chine was first tried out in the census of 1890 and al
though the govt. spent $750,000 for the layout, it cut 2 yrs.
from the previous census tabulation record and saved
$5,000,000 This nation was stunned and bewildered
in 1890 when Congress appropriated a total of $1,000,000,000
to run the federal govt. Today it's only a question of months
when it will cost Uncle Sam $1,000,000,000 per yr. just to
meet the interest on his national debt
The grasping hand: The Standard Oil Co. of Indiana
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reports that in 1937 its total taxes amounted to 50 per cent
more than all the wages paid its 32,000 employees
With strings attached: Because the U. S. govt. made such
generous land grants to struggling R.R,s yrs. ago, Uncle
Sam has since got a 50 per cent reduction below the regular
rates when those R.R.s transport the troops of the govt.
The saving amounts to from $7,500,000 to $10,000,000 a
yr. nowadays
Although West Point cadets are allowed $760 a yr. by
Uncle Sam, it's against regulations for them to carry any
money with them on the military academy premises. All
their purchases are made with credit cards or "chits."
The federal govt. is still holding out vs. Hollywood's pleas
to make a movie with Alcatraz island as a background.
Doesn't want the secrets of its super-prison registered on
film
It costs on an average of $3,000,000 a yr. to run the U. S.
Senate and $7,500,000 for the expenses of the House of
Reps Our benevolent govt. offers pamphlets on
the following intriguing subjects to its citizens: (i) drug
plant cultivation, (2) elimination of bats from buildings and
(3) mountain lion trappings
The Federal Trade Commission keeps a very strict eye
on the automotive industry to see that it doesn't show cars
in advertisements with various accessories attached which
accessories aren't included at the price listed when the car
is actually delivered Side racket: Every yr. your
Uncle Sam collects from $5,000,000 to $8,000,000 from the
tax on playing cards
Biography in holes: There's one card in the govt. census
bureau for each of 122,775,000 persons in the U. S. But
YOUR GOVERNMENT-AND MINE 101
since each card is run through tabulating machines several
times for different sets of data, taking the complete census
is the equivalent of adding up a total of 3,000,750,000 book
entries. And without those tabbing machines, it would take
more than a doz yrs. to carry out the various calculations
of a modern census
Windfall: More than $50,000,000 worth of U. S. bonds
that have matured have never been redeemed It
was 26 long yrs. before the basic patent on the cash register
was finally issued by Uncle Sam, the main question having
been just who was entitled to the patent Every roll
call made in the lower House of Congress costs the govt.
$54
Point of view: In suits resulting from damage to goods
in transit, U. S. courts decreed that the Johnstown flood
was an act of God, but that the Great Chicago fire was not,
inasmuch as it was caused by a human agency The
U. S. Dept. of Labor's definition of a strike is an affair in
volving at least 6 workers and lasting at least one day
Horticultural protection: Uncle Sam has to date granted more
than 200 patents on flowers and plants
Free service: You can find out anything you wish to
about the U. S. govt. by writing the U. S. Information
Service at Wash., D. C The only 2 places where
Old Glory is permitted by law to be flown at night during
peace times are over the capitol at Washington and over the
grave of "The Star-Spangled Banner's" composer, Francis
Scott Key, in Maryland
The largest public office bldg. in the world is the new
Dept. of Agriculture edifice at Washington, with 4500 rooms,
7 miles of corridors and 39 elevators For the pro-
102 TAKE IT FROM ME
tection of aviators, the govt. is ordering all broadcasting
towers to be painted with a tint called "international orange,"
prepared by the Bureau of Standards
Bargain: All the territory of the U. S. A. not included in
the 13 original colonies cost the govt. only $108,167,-
622
American genius, it would seem, got a slow start. During
the first yr. following the U. S. patent act, only 3 patents
were granted by Uncle Sam Although all Gov
ernors are called "His Excellency," the President of the U. S.
and the Gov. of Massachusetts are the only ones possessing
that title by legislative act
Neat profit: It costs your Uncle Sam about 5/iooths of
a dollar ($0.0069) ^or every postage stamp he prints, whether
it's a one-center or a 25-ct. one. And over in the currency
dept., a $i bill or a $10,000 baby costs about i/ioth of a
cent to print It costs Uncle Sam an average of
$13,000 to educate a boy for the 4-yr. course at An
napolis
Quick now, what's the difference between a post card
and a postal card? Well, according to the U. S. Post Office
Department, a card bought from the Post Office and con
taining a stamp printed on it is a postal card. But unstamped
cards bought from private firms (and often containing a
picture on one side) are post cards It costs the
average inventor from $200 to $500 to get a patent from
Uncle Sam— and that includes the drawn description,
lawyer's fee, etc
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 121 to 135
121. What three nations of the world have the greatest rail
road trackage?
122. Identify Hippocrates.
123. Which element has the highest and which the lowest
atomic weight?
124. At about what rate is the U. S. population increasing an
nually ?
125. Which is longer, a radio wave or a light wave?
126. What country elects the President for only a one-year
term ?
127. About how long would it take a bomb dropped from a
plane a mile high to reach the ground?
128. What do the initials PWA and WPA stand for?
129. What is a decibel?
130. Since when has "The Star-Spangled Banner" been our na
tional anthem officially?
131. About how many vessels do you think go through the
Panama Canal in a year?
132. Rank these cities according to population: Naples, Boston,
Budapest.
133. What is often rated the most significant scientific devel
opment of the nineteenth century?
134. How many gallons should a barrel of beer contain?
135. Identify Sidney W. Porter.
Answers on page 104.
103
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ANSWERS (to Questions 121 to 135)
/2/. The United States, Soviet Russia, and India have the world's
greatest railroad trackage, with Canada fourth.
122. Hippocrates was a famed Gree\ physician, living around
450 B.C., and sometimes called "The Father of Medicine!'
123. Hydrogen has the lowest atomic weight (i), and uranium
the highest (283).
124. The U. S. population is currently gaining at the rate of
about 900,000 a year.
725. Radio waves can be as long as 3000 feet, while light waves
are about 1/50,000 of an inch.
126. Switzerland elects its President for a one-year term but he
is virtually a figurehead, the Federal Council actually run
ning the nation.
727. Experiments show that, owing to air resistance, it ta\es
about 79 seconds for a bomb to reach the ground after
being dropped from a plane one mile in the air.
128. PWA stands for Public Worlds Administration, while
WPA stands for Worlds Progress Administration.
729. Decibel is a term for one unit of sound intensity.
750. "The Star-Spangled Banner" has officially been our na
tional anthem only since 7957.
757. From 4500 to 6300 vessels go through the Panama Canal
in a year.
132. The cities ran\ thus: Budapest, 1,055,000; Naples, 860,000;
Boston, j8i,ooo.
133. Louis Pasteur's germ theory of disease is often ranged as the
most significant scientific development of the nineteenth
century.
134. A barrel of beer contains 31 gallons.
135. Sidney W. Porter was O. Henry's real name.
MEMOS FROM THE MEDICOS
IT'S an eminent medico's theory that just as there are
pathological liars, there are instances where a lack of
essential fluids causes persons to be victims of truth-telling
mania, tactlessly blurting out the naked truth, regardless
of how much it hurts Once hydrophobia is estab
lished in a human being, his doom is virtually sealed. There's
no known method of treatment with that dread disease when
it finally breaks out
Vitamin D has finally been produced in pure crystalline
form, so powerful that a teaspoonful of it would cure the
rickets in 8000 children It seems kind of silly, but
any medico will tell you that the largest organ of the body is
actually the skin One-third of all the medicos now
practising in this country are specialists
An eminent Cleveland medico believes that the tonsils'
function is to assure a proper chemical content of the blood
and then observes that tonsil operations don't lessen suscep
tibility to common colds and that pneumonia occurs even
more frequently to children who've had their tonsils and
adenoids cut out World wide statistics indicate that
except for measles in an epidemic yr., syphilis is the most
prevalent of all communicable diseases
Four parts of helium (the stuff with which they fill
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dirigibles) to one part oxygen produces anaesthesia faster
than any other known agent and recovery from that mixture
is also more rapid. In addition, the helium-oxygen mixture
is easier for patients to breathe and is a, preventive against
asphyxiation Maybe there's something in that "eat,
drink and be merry" stuff, after all. Anyway, as the
N. E. Journal of Medicine points out, very few persons ever
attempt suicide on a full stomach
Attention of parents : An eminent Harvard Medical school
professor asserts a child as a rule should be at least 6 yrs. old
before its tonsils or adenoids are removed Health
statisticians estimate the death rate from cancer in the U. S.
will continue to rise for the next 35 to 50 yrs., then be
come stationary at approximately i% times the present death
rate from that scourge
Soothing: A celebrated Southern medico states that a
nurse with a good reading voice is a most helpful factor in
the treatment of illness.
Goat's milk doesn't require pasteurization because it's at
all times free of tuberculosis germs Twelve hours
after a Chicago cancer victim committed suicide, newspapers
received copies of a letter he had sent his doctor and which
read in part: "If you had made a careful examination the
first time I consulted you, the cancer could have been re
moved You have seemed hard and unsympathetic,
so it will not affect you much to know that you have short
ened a human life by 10 or 15 years. I do not think this
blunder of yours should be covered up."
Any life insurance actuary will tell you there's a lot of
understatement in cancer statistics. Sympathetic medicos, on
diagnosing a cancer, often soften the blow to the family of
MEMOS FROM THE MEDICOS 107
the deceased by assigning death to another cause on the burial
certificate Ouch! When a Washington, D. C, med
ico summoned an ambulance for a woman with an acute
appendix attack, the first one went to the wrong address,
the second became involved in a collision and the third and
fourth were sent to the scene of the crash. The fifth am
bulance, the last one the hospital had, finally showed up
and took the appendicitis victim away
"Physician, heal thyself," to the contrary, one out of every
seven American doctors dies from diseased heart arteries, a
particularly common cause of death among professional
workers Now they're using electrical waves to diag
nose brain diseases. Brain waves with a normal frequency
of 10 per second will drop off as low as three per second
when the brain's tissue is injured and diseased. And when
they drop off to less than three per second, it indicates a
brain tumor
Miracle: When a woman on a London operating table
had an internal hemorrhage and stagnant blood threatened
her life, there was no suitable blood donor available. There
upon the surgeons took a 100 to i chance, drained three pints
of blood from her own body, strained it through gauze to
eliminate clots and then injected it into her arm. It worked
and she lived
A quarter century ago half the deaths from diabetes in the
U. S. were due to coma. Today only one in every 16 diabetic
deaths results that way White spots on a person's
fingernails indicate excessive nervous irritability
An eminent medico speaking: "Skin cancer is becoming
much more common and can be traced to the sun-bathing
fad. In many cases the consequences of foolish exposure may
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be delayed for years. I've had cases where skin cancer de
veloped 10 years after a severe sunburn."
A new alibi, as recounted by the Medical Record, states
that when a person staggers and talks > thickly, he's not
necessarily intoxicated, but is merely allergic to alcohol —
or a victim of "allergic alcohol sensitization," in medical
language A monopoly: After obstetrical forceps had
been invented around 1600, they remained the secret of one
medical family for the next 125 years before they were
brought to public attention by Dutch physicians
So heartily do Dutch physicians resent night calls that
a patient had better be pretty sick before he puts in a noc
turnal summons. And even then he must dispatch a taxi-
cab to the medico's home before the M. D. will go out on
the call Such is the modern efficiency of blood trans
fusion that it can now be accomplished without the loss of a
single drop of blood or a twinge of pain by either the donor
or the recipient
Because it accelerates the disappearance of alcohol from
the blood stream, insulin, largely used for diabetics, would
make a bang-up cure for hangovers if it could only be ad
ministered via the mouth instead of by a shot in the arm,
eminent medical researchers report False faces:
During the great plagues of the i6th century, English physi
cians always wore a mask with long nose projecting — and
in the false proboscis were spices which were supposed to
purify the air they breathed in
One of the world's first great physicians, Asclepiades the
Greek, always maintained that a really good medico
should never become ill himself. And Asclepiades himself
never did. He lived without sickness to a ripe old age and
MEMOS FROM THE MEDICOS 109
died when he fell off a ladder The medicos will tell
you that golf is perhaps the least harmful of all competitive
games in that it can be played as strenuously or leisurely as
one wishes Health authorities in one eastern state
uncovered the sordid fact that 17 cases of syphilis could be
traced to a party of young folks at which kissing games were
played
Be of good cheer: Medical records show it's entirely pos
sible for a victim of high blood pressure to live to be 100 yrs.
old The eminent Dr. Alexis Carrel, of the Rocke
feller medical institute, speaking: "The importance of hu
man life depends on its quality, not its length. If, for in
stance, our duration could be increased by a lowering of
metabolism, as Loeb succeeded in doing with the fruit fly,
the existence that obtained would not be worth liv-
ing."
An eminent neurologist speaking: "Is a nervous break
down a sign of weakness? Not at all! Sometimes a weak
ling goes through life without ever having a breakdown,
simply because he has never been subjected to a critical
test." Any experienced surgeon will tell you that a
pulsating human heart, held in the hand, feels just like a
fish out of water
Lockjaw, or tetanus, is caused by an organism in the
soil The American family pays approximately $100
per year for medical services Deer, deer: While
it takes about 3 hours for your stomach to digest beefsteak,
venison steak is digested in half that time An
eminent medico asserts: Few things in a home are more
dangerous than cracked dishes. They breed billions of
germs
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Another thing for fond parents to worry about: An emi
nent medical authority asserts that rope-jumping by children
is a contributing factor toward heart disease
Gelatine is the highest protein food. ...'.. And speaking
of food-value: The best part of a potato, so far as food-value
is concerned, is the thin layer next to the skin, where most
of the mineral salts are deposited. The inside of the potato,
below the layer, is mostly starch, of course
The medical profession doubts seriously if anybody was
ever really frightened to death. A research covering 40 years,
by an eminent medico, failed to turn up one authentic case,
except when the victim of fatal fright was already in a
weakened condition It's estimated there are $350,-
000,000 worth of unpaid doctors' bills in the U. S
So deft are the hands of Cleveland's great surgeon, Dr.
George W. Crile, that he has performed as many as 30
operations in a single day. That's at the rate of one every
13 minutes For every 25 pounds of excess avoirdu
pois you put on, there are created some 20 additional miles
of blood vessels in your body which must be fed
A Mayo Clinic expert asserts that many persons who
think themselves epileptic are actually only victims of tight
collars, which, pressing against sensitive carotid arteries,
cause spells of dizziness and sometimes unconscious
ness. ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 136 to 150
136. Name the smallest country in the world in point of area.
137. What is the second highest mountain peak in the world?
138. Who was the first woman to be elected to the U. S.
Senate?
139. Which is heavier, gold or platinum?
140. What is a euphemism?
141. About how many couples are married in the U. S. each
year?
142. Who was the first President to be recorded in news-
reels?
143. Approximately how high was the celebrated Tower of
Babel?
144. What disease was once called the "Black Plague"?
145. What university did the late John D. Rockefeller endow
with $35,000,000?
146. What is the largest U. S. Naval Base?
147. About how long did it take Magellan's ships to sail around
the world the first time?
148. What are the three most densely populated states of the
U. S.?
149. What country is the world's greatest exporter of lamb and
mutton ?
150. What do the 4 H's stand for in the 4~H Clubs?
Answers on page 112.
in
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ANSWERS (to Questions 136 to 150)
136. The world's smallest country in area is Vatican City, only
iff. The second highest mountain pea\ in the world, which rises
28250 feet, in Tibet, is unnamed but is designated on maps
as K-2.
138. Hattie Caraway of Arkansas was the first woman ever
elected to the U. S. Senate.
139. Platinum is heavier than gold.
140. A euphemism is a mild or inoffensive expression used in
place of an unpleasant statement. Example: He is a trifle
careless in handling the truth.
141. About 1,200,000 couples are married in the U. S. each year.
142. McKinley was the first President to be recorded in news-
reels.
143. The famous Tower of Babel reached a height of 300 feet.
144. The bubonic plague was once tyiown as the Blac\ Plague.
745. John D. Rockefeller, the elder, endowed the University of
Chicago with $35,000,000.
146. The largest U. S. Naval Base is Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.
147. It tooJ^ Magellan's ships 1083 days to sail around the world.
148. The three most densely populated states are Rhode Island,
New Jersey and Massachusetts, in that order.
149. New Zealand is the world's largest exporter of lamb and
mutton.
750. The 4~H Clubs are designed to develop head, heart, hands
and health.
LITERARY NOTES
ONLY beginners and amateurs receive printed rejection
slips from the better magazines. Recognized writers
always rate a personal note from the editor when their stuff
is turned down The best selling book just 400 yrs.
ago was the "Colloquies" of the great Dutch scholar, Eras
mus. It attained a sale of 24,000 copies Not quite
alphabetical: In the first edition of Samuel Johnson's cele
brated dictionary, the words beginning with "V" came be
fore the words beginning with "U."
Rewards of literature: S. S. Van Dine, who, under his true
name, Willard S. Huntington, has written many fine and
weighty volumes, sadly comments that each one of his Philo
Vance detective stories made him more money than all his
serious works combined Thomas Gray, who wrote
the immortal "Elegy in a Country Churchyard," also once
tore off a poem entitled "On the Death of a Favourite Cat,
Drowned in a Tub of Goldfishes."
Although today Voltaire is one of the most widely read
French authors, nearly a dozen men lost their shirts publish
ing his works while he was still alive. One of them, Beau-
marchais, composer of "The Barber of Seville," dropped a
cool 1,000,000 francs on an early Voltaire masterpiece and
then died broke In Sir James M. Barrie's "The
"3
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Little Minister," chap. 3, par. 5, there appears this strange
word: cofff rented. It means, according to the book, "com
paratively open," but dictionaries don't give it a tumble.
Abbe Dimnet, the philosopher, speaking: "One test of
a book's quality is to read it out loud. No book that
is trash could ever stand this test for more than a page."
"We're all human: The average book contains about
150 typographical errors on its first printing Edna
St. Vincent Millay, America's greatest living femme poet,
rises regularly at 5 A.M. each day and starts work in her
library
In the course of a yr., those erudite Bostonians spend more
than twice as much per capita on books as the residents of
any other U. S. city A penny a word is still the
average rate the pulp magazines pay the authors who supply
them with stories Mark Twain so loved his favorite
novel, "The Prince and the Pauper," that he once wrote his
wife: "I take so much pleasure in the story, I am loath to
hurry, not wanting to get it done."
Robert Browning's first whack at poetry was a prodigious
flop. Not a single copy of his first anonymous volume of
poems, titled "Pauline," was sold Edgar Allan Poe,
at the height of his writing career, once lived for 9 days on
boiled dandelions for lack of money. But we'll bet he was
able to scrape up enough for a couple of pints of grog
Sinclair Lewis, who now gets $5,000 for it when he feels
like tearing off a short story, sold his first for $75. . . * . » .
It was Washington Irving, in his tale "The Creole Vil
lage," who coined the term "the almighty dollar."
If a publisher doesn't sell at least 2000 copies of any book he
issues, he's bound to lose money on it Milton got
LITERARY NOTES 115
$50 for his "Paradise Lost." A precisian observes
that "only" is the most misinserted word in the English lan
guage There's about a mile of type in the average
novel
Here's how the current novel, "If I Die Before I Wake,"
was written by its starving author: Broke, Sherwood King
made an arrangement with his Chicago landlady that he'd
write a chapter a week of his book. She agreed to let him
remain rent-free as long as each new chapter pleased her and
the rest of the boarders. With such a desperate incentive,
Author King rapped out a tale that really clicked
Since Mark Twain's death in 1910, his publishers have paid
nearly $1,500,000 in book royalties to his estate. They have
never dipped under $50,000 per year and have hit as high
as $91,000 in a single year Just the thing for your
library: A recently published book, "Atlantic Salmon Fish
ing," sells for $250 a copy The height of indifference
or something is that of a U. S. publishing company, issuing
chiefly limited editions at lofty prices, which actually charges
$2.50 for a catalogue of the books it offers for sale
S. S. Van Dine, the author, read 2000 detective stories be
fore he felt prepared to write his first one — that smash hit
called "The Benson Murder Case." Eugene O'Neill's
plays in book form sell better than most novels, with his
"Strange Interlude" tops at 100,000 copies sold You
can't help but like Sinclair Lewis's sobriquet for Gertrude
Stein— "The Gas Goddess." Laurel wreath: Ultra-
critical Sinclair Lewis picks Willa Gather as the greatest liv
ing American novelist and designates her "A Lost Lady" as
her premier work .*
Pioneer: Edgar Allan Poe, with his "The Murders of
ii6 TAKE IT FROM ME
the Rue Morgue" in 1841, invented the deductive type of
detective story so popular today And while we're
at it — it's Sinclair Lewis's observation that Gertrude Stein
thinks all Americans are either freaks or worshippers of her
self or both Since Emily Post became the Ameri
can arbiter of etiquette 15 years ago, the public has spent
$1,500,000 on her books, to keep informed on the correct
way to eat watermelon at Mrs. Vanderbilt's picnic, how to
introduce a Brother Elk to your wife, etc
Americans' reading taste in the past 5 years, according
to public librarians, has lessened the demand for fiction, but
has accelerated interest in proletarian literature and the
drama Triple threat man: Oliver Goldsmith is
rated as the only English writer to excel in three branches
of literature — as a novelist with "The Vicar of Wakefield,"
as a playwright with "She Stoops to Conquer" and as a
poet with "The Deserted Village."
Spur-of-the-moment stuff: Elbert Hubbard's famed classic,
"The Message to Garcia," which has since been translated
and printed in virtually every civilized language, was writ
ten casually one night, and without any forethought, in
side of a single hour A survey by an Ohio State
Univ. professor shows that stenographers and clerks read
the most by volume of any class of workers and that business
executives read the least. And, surprisingly, college students
read less than high school pupils
Prophets without honor: In the annals of American lit
erature, such eminent figures as Mark Twain, Bret Harte,
Edgar Allan Poe and Harriet Beecher Stowe won recogni
tion and acclaim abroad before homeland critics gave them
a tumble Speedy poet: Robert Burns wrote his
LITERARY NOTES 117
immortal "Tarn O'Shanter" inside of 24 hours
The great Hoosier poet James Whitcomb Riley, when he
felt his stuff wasn't up to scratch, used to sign it Benjamin F.
Johnson Although there are reputedly no words
in the English language to rhyme with orange and month,
a reader contributes "blorange" and "grunth." (Time out
to look 'em up in the dictionary.)
The late Arnold Bennett classed Dickens, Scott, Thack
eray and Dumas as 2nd raters because he considered them
as sentimental. (But they'll doubtless be read when Ar
nold Bennett's works are forgotten.) Tyros with
a typewriter: Mary Roberts Rinehart got $35 for the first
story she ever sold. Munsey's bought it. And Edna Fer-
ber's first literary remuneration was 62.50 from Everybody's
for a short story
Conan Doyle's first Sherlock Holmes story was rejected
so many times by magazine editors, he came near tearing
it up and calling it quits So unknowing of the
ways of the world was Ralph Waldo Emerson that when
he received his first check from his publisher, he asked the
latter if he might use it
Antiquity item: A first edition of Sinclair Lewis's "Main
Street" (mint copy) was recently quoted as worth
$12 The first publication of Dickens's Pickwick
Papers was a flop, less than 400 copies being sold. But
Dickens persevered and shortly after started jazzing up
the series. He introduced the smart-cracking character of
Sam Weller, who soon tickled the Britons' fancy to the
tune of 40,000 copies an issue
Triumvirate: Thackeray, Kipling and Tagore are the
only grade A writers who were born in India The
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famous Pepys diary wasn't published until a whole century
after Samuel died Addendum: Sinclair Lewis's
front name is Harry
They're famous today, but: Keats the poet died of a
broken heart. Shelley and Wagner were exiled. Beethoven
and Schubert were left to starve. Huxley was denied a
professorship. Walt Whitman was fed by a few English
men while his poems were banned as obscene in the U. S.
And Poe lived and died a pauper
Aversion: Shakespeare rarely mentions dogs in his plays
without showing his dislike for them The femi
nine mind, it would seem, matures faster than the male's.
Anyway, in world history, women writers have produced
the most masterpieces between the ages of 35 and 39 while
most of the men's chefs d'oeuvres have been written be
tween 40 and 44 yrs. of age The average American
buys 2 books a yr., borrows 2 from the public library and
reads slightly less than 2 that he borrows from his
friends
The pen is mightier than the sword: Gen. John J. Pershing
made more money from writing his World War memoirs
than he drew as salary all his yrs. as general On
June 22, 1854, Henry Wads worth Longfellow wrote in his
diary: "I have at length hit upon a plan for a poem on the
American Indian. It is to weave together their beautiful
traditions into a whole." And that's how "Hiawatha" was
born. ,
FAVORITE GAGS
A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at
a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by ask
ing, "What do you do in life?"
He explained, "I study astronomy."
"Dear me," said the girl, "I finished astronomy last year."
A tramp was sleeping behind the bunker on the fairway
of a golf course when the club secretary, prowling around,
kicked him none too gently and ordered him to clear out.
"And who are you?" demanded the tramp.
"I'm the secretary of the club," said the official.
"Well," replied the tramp, "that's no way to get new mem
bers."
There's the story of a stew who kept knocking on a lamp
post one night and muttering. "There must be someone
home — there's a light up there."
And then there was the obliging kitchenware clerk who
got a smack in the face from the young housewife who had
asked him for a little oven.
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MERCHANT: "Listen, I wouldn't cash a check for my own
brother!"
STRANGER: "Well, of course, you know your own family
better than I do."
BELLHOP: "Telegram for Mr. Neidspondiavannci, Mr.
Neidspondiavannci."
MR. NEIDSPONDIAVANNCI: "What initial, please?"
One day a clerk in a British shop remarked to his austere
employer, "I think we're going to have rain, sir."
"WE!" snarled the employer. "WE are going to have
rain? How long since you've been a member of the firm?"
JONES: "What were you doing outside the Ritz-Carlton
yesterday?"
SMITH: "I live there."
JONES: "Where?"
SMITH: "Outside the Ritz-Carlton."
Little Willie rushed into the house and showed papa a
new penknife he said he'd found in the street. "But are you
sure it was lost?" asked papa.
"Of course, it was lost," said Willie. "I saw the man look
ing for it."
"Frequent water drinking," said the physician to the col
lege student, "will prevent you from getting stiff in the
joints."
"Yes," admitted the student, "but some of the joints don't
serve water."
SPORTS, HOBBIES AND IDIOSYNCRASIES
THERE'S no doubt golf originated in Scotland, but for
many yrs. after the game got a foothold there, the Scots
men imported their golfing equipment from Holland.
Mass production: Somewhere in the world, every
20 minutes, a golfer gets the thrill of his life and makes a
hole in one Observation of an eminent editor: "The
American reader is better informed on sports and its prac
titioners than on any other domestic activity."
Dud : August circulation figures for U. S. newspapers show
that the international yacht races, Ranger vs. Endeavor II,
didn't mean a thing to the public pulse Poetic jus
tice: The English Derby of 1867 was run in a blinding snow
storm and won by Hermit, a 40 to i shot. A marquis who
bet and lost $500,000 on the race had only 3 years previously
eloped with the fiancee of Hermit's owner, so it was a sort
of double-jointed victory
Six gallant race horses have each rolled up more than
$300,000 in purses — Sun Beau, Equipoise, Phar Lap, Gallant
Fox, Zev and Mate The govt. estimates the U. S.
spends more than $3,000,000,000 a yr. on sports of all kinds.
Success secret: When Babe Ruth was at his prime
as a home run walloper, tests proved his eyes functioned 12
per cent faster than those of normal human beings.
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When the Olympic games first started in 776 B.C.,
they consisted not only of track and field events, but con
tests in poetry and the drama You never can tell
dept.: Bill Tilden, probably the greatest tennis player
America ever produced, couldn't even make the varsity ten
nis players' team when he was a student at the Univ. of
Pennsylvania Jittery indeed was Andrew Kirkaldy
in 1889 when he only had to hole a one-inch putt to win
the British open golf championship. And then darned if
he didn't miss it!
It's the sage observation of Bobby Jones that long putts are
easier for a golfer than short ones — because you try to hole
the long ones, but with the short 2-footers, you try not to
miss. ..... Idiosyncrasy: One of America's great editors,
the late Morril Goddard, always expressed a contempt for the
stage because the actors "didn't even create the lines they
spoke."
Another idiosyncrasy (while we're at it): Rupert Hughes,
the novelist, never starts writing till after 9 o'clock at night.
Not a bad idea: It's the valid demand of Benny
Friedman, ex-football star, that gridiron officials at the start
of a season be required to take a physical examination to
prove they have the wind, stamina and efficiency to get right
down under a play
Idiosyncrasy (III) : So superstitious is Lily Pons that before
singing her first song for an audience, she cuts a small piece
out of the curtain and holds it in her hand till she's through
her melody. There's hardly an opera house in the U. S.
that hasn't been slightly damaged by the diminutive diva.
In the course of a season, the major league ball
clubs spend about $128,000 for baseballs alone Every
SPORTS, HOBBIES AND IDIOSYNCRASIES 123
other major league city in the U. S. has had a pennant win
ner since a Boston team last copped a flag in 1918
The man who invented basketball, Dr. James A. Naismith,
played the game only twice in his life Red isn't the
only color Spanish matadors use to infuriate a bull. Their
outer cloak, which they wave at the beast, is almost always
of cerise and yellow silk Deadlock: The longest
baseball game every played in the major leagues went 26
innings on May i, 1920, when the Boston Braves and the
Brooklyn Dodgers finally called it oft with a i-i tie.
It saves shooting them: A Hungarian just invented
a scarecrow, equipped with photo-electric cells, which
lets out blood-curdling shrieks when any bird, animal or hu
man being comes within a loo-yard range of it
Nonchalance: When a committee called on Abraham Lin
coln to notify him of his nomination for President of the
U. S., they found him playing baseball. But Abe said,
"They'll have to wait a few minutes till I get another
hit."
The usual signals from a catcher to his pitcher in base
ball are: One finger for a fast ball, two for a curve, a clenched
first for a pitch-out and waving all fingers for a change of
pace Idiosyncrasy: S. S. Van Dine, the most success
ful of all American detective story writers, always has a 6-
letter word in his book titles, as witness the "Greene," "Ben
son," "Dragon," etc., murder cases of which he wrote
Intramural football was banned at Harvard in 1870 by the
faculty because they felt it was "foolish to run around after
a bag of wind."
Laurel: Babe Ruth is down in the history books as the
greatest home run slugger the game ever produced. But
124 TAKE IT FROM ME
he also still holds the record for consecutive scoreless innings
pitched in world series games Not through the pari-
mutuel machines, of course: The largest known bet ever
made on a hoss race was the $515,000 the Marquis of Hast
ings put on a nag's nose at Epsom Downs, England, in 1867.
The horse came in 3rd
What's become of the art of drop-kicking in college foot
ball games these last few yrs. ? The place kick has apparently
pushed it into disuse, and yet Charley Brickley of Harvard
alone beat Yale by 15 to 5 in 1914 by plopping 5 drop-kicks
over the crossbar Ancient records dug up in Rome
contain accounts of touts selling tips on the outcome of the
chariot races
The first Harvard football game was vs. McGill Univ.
on May 14, 1874, at Cambridge, Mass. It was intended
there should be 15 men on each side, but 3 of McGill's
athletes couldn't leave Montreal, so n men played on each
team. (And what did the other man on each team do?
We dunno. Guess they were the subs.) Split-
second stuff: It was the theory of the late John }. McGraw
that baseball pennants were lost by the margin of the last
step to first base
The eminent sportsman and journalist, James Gordon
Bennett, introduced pony polo in the U. S Age's
toll: At the height of his hitting prowess, Babe Ruth swung
a 52 ounce bat with the greatest of ease. In his waning big
league days, though, he eased off to a 32 ounce stick
When experts play at it (an expert asserts) chess is the most
unsociable of games
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 151 to 165
151. Are there more bathtubs or more automobiles currently in
use in the U. S.?
152. Which was invented first, the telephone or the incandes
cent lamp?
153. Who was the first widow of a U. S. President to receive
a pension from the government?
154. What nation had the briefest participation in the World
War?
155. What major league baseball team won the first World
Series played?
156. With the diameter known, how is the circumference of a
circle obtained?
157. Who composed the opera "Ai'da"?
158. Give the half-dozen smallest prime numbers.
159. Just why does the Great Salt Lake have so much salt
compared to the other American lakes?
1 60. How many miles away from the flash can thunder be
heard, do you think?
161. Are all West Point cadets, on graduation, commissioned
second lieutenants in the U. S. Army?
162. What king is on Uncle Sam's payroll?
163. Is the Suez Canal at sea level or does it have locks?
164. Are the British inch and the U. S. inch exactly the same
length?
165. Does Uncle Sam employ any women letter carriers?
Answers on page 126.
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ANSWERS (to Questions 151 to 165)
757. There are in the U. S. approximately 25,000,000 automo
biles in use against 20,000,000 bathtubs.
752. Bell invented the telephone in 1876, two years before Edi
son came along with the first incandescent lamp.
153. Mrs. John Tyler was the first widow of a President to be
pensioned by the government.
154. Of all nations concerned, Honduras participated in the
World War for the briefest time, three months and twenty-
three days.
755. The first major league team to win a World Series was
the Red Sox, who in 1903 beat Pittsburgh 5 games to 3.
756. The circumference of a circle is obtained by multiplying its
diameter by 3.1416.
757. Verdi composed " Aida"
158. The half-dozen smallest prime numbers are i, 2, 3, 5, 7
and 77.
759. The Great Salt La\e has such a high saline content because,
having no outlet, it loses water only through evaporation,
while the mineral content remains behind.
160. Thunder can be heard more than 20 miles away from the
fash.
161. On graduation all West Point cadets except Filipino and
foreign are commissioned second lieutenants of the U. S.
Army.
162. The one fyng who is paid by the U. S. Government is
the Sultan of Sulu, carried on the federal payroll to \eep
things running smoothly in his part of the world.
163. The Suez Canal, 100 miles long, has no loc\s.
164. There is a slight difference between the U. S. and the British
inch, the latter being .000113 of a meter long.
765. There are about 250 women letter carriers on R. F. D.
routes in sparsely settled sections of the country.
TATTLE ABOUT TYCOONS
WHEN young Philip K. Wrigley has something to
say to the chewing gum trade, he sends the same
letter to 900,000 retailers, 43,000 jobbers' salesmen and
20,000 jobbers In his lifetime, it's estimated the
late John D. Rockefeller distributed $3000 worth of dimes
to acquaintances and bystanders — for which he accumu
lated a million dollars' worth of publicity
5 terrific hours: In a single day during the 1929 market
crash, Harrison Williams, the utilities magnate, saw
$90,000,000 of his paper profits go down the spout. Yet
he ate a hearty dinner that night Although he
averages 30 trips to the metropolis per yr., the multi
millionaire Indiana industrialist, George A. Ball, never
stops at the same N. Y. hotel twice. And he hasn't re
peated himself yet That pliable and floppy Panama
hat worn by J. P. Morgan cost $450
The captain of J. P. Morgan's private yacht Corsair draws
more salary for the job than the skipper of the Queen Mary.
J. P.'s man reputedly gets better than $11,000 a yr
Trying to borrow 5^ for a phone call at a recent S. E. C.
hearing at the New York Stock Exchange, an official put
the bee on two big-shot J. P. Morgan partners, Thomas
Lamont and Arthur Anderson, and neither had the neces-
127
128 TAKE IT FROM ME
sary nickel. (Or else they were holding out.)
They didn't follow his wishes, but the late Andrew
Carnegie once remarked, "I wish to have for my epitaph:
'Here lies a man who was wise enough to, employ men who
knew more than he.' " From the "Fifty Years Ago"
column of the San Diego (Cal.) Union: "W. R. Hearst
arrived in the city yesterday morning. Mr. Hearst is a
bright and intelligent-looking young man, with light
complexion and a small mustache."
Before he got into the circus business and cleaned up a
fortune, P. T. Barnum ran one of those Mississippi river
showboats and lost his shirt in the venture
Prophecy fulfilled: Just half a century ago an Oberlin
College professor announced to his chemistry class that
the man who could produce aluminum commercially at a
reasonable cost would make himself a millionaire. The
casual remark intrigued one member of the class, Charles
N. Hall, who, taking the professor at his word, toiled and
studied for yrs. at his own special process and finally
reached his goal. When he died at the start of the World
War, he left a fortune of $26,000,000
This nation's No. i inventor, Carleton Ellis of Montclair,
N. J., with more than 700 patents under his belt, is like
Thomas A. Edison in that he rarely sleeps more than four
out of every 24 hours. His chief difficulty, he complains,
is trying to remember in the morning ideas he had in his
sleep London calling: When she is in England,
the wife of Ambassador Joseph P. Kennedy calls up her
mother in Boston via the trans- Atlantic telephone — just for
a homey chat
Alfred P. Sloan, Jr., chairman of General Motors, washes
TATTLE ABOUT TYCOONS 129
his hands from a doz. to 15 times a day And
while we think of it, he was such a bright lad that after he'd
passed his entrance exams to the Massachusetts Institute of
Technology, he was found to be under age and had to mark
time till they'd let him in the following year. Then he did
the stiff four-year course in three
Another bit of "Sloaniana": He was elevated to the job,
of president of General Motors, by J. P. Morgan because he
did so well running the Hyatt roller bearing works, now
a GMC subsidiary Once fired as a vice president
of Montgomery Ward, Gen. Robert T. Wood is now prexy
of their greatest competitor, Sears Roebuck, at $90,000 a
year
Pet name: Although Junius Spencer Morgan is closing on
50, his pop, J. P., still calls him "Junie." A lot of
the big shot executives of the Woolworth Company get
paid off only once a yr The tremendous industrial,
banking, land and shipping holdings of the Emperor of
Japan foot up to nearly $500,000,000, making him one of
the richest rulers on earth (but not THE richest)
Idiosyncrasy: The volatile $20o,ooo-a-yr. president of the
American Tobacco Co., Geo. W. Hill, wears his hat all day
long in his office Historic was the day on the
New York Stock Exchange when, in the midst of the 1929
crash, Richard Whitney, now in Sing Sing, bid 205 for
25,000 shares of U. S. Steel, a couple of points above the
market. Steel closed that day at 206 and the market
steadied for 48 hours— and then resumed its terrible tail-
spin
Fortune designates Elizabeth Arden (christened Florence
Nightingale Graham) as the woman who has probably
i3o TAKE IT FROM ME
earned more money than any other American business
woman Laurel wreath: Henry Ford has con
tributed more to the purchasing power of the world than
any industrialist in history When a Washington
dispatch disclosed that Tom Girdler, fiery head man of
Republic Steel, received a salary of $174,999 m X93^ mem
bers of the Johnstown, Pa., C. I. O. steel workers' organiza
tion raised $i among them and sent it by registered mail
to Girdler — to make his income an even $175,000
Sir Edward Beatty, head man of the Canadian Pacific
system, calls his "the world's biggest job." And to keep
fit for it he has his private trainer give him an hour of
pummeling each day
Pioneers: The huge Huntington, Mark Hopkins, Crocker
and Leland Stanford fortunes of California, which lumped
together would total more than $300,000,000, all sprang
from a measly $250,000 that those four gents raised among
themselves to build the Southern Pacific Railroad. The
public loaned the rest of the money for the great enter
prise
Scrumptious: If the G men are still tracking down gold
hoarders, they may be interested to know that the Newport,
R. I. villa of a N. Y. stock broker is equipped with solid
gold faucets throughout — excepting only the servants'
quarters
Dr. John Dorrance, who founded the Campbell Soup
Company, left even a greater fortune than J. P. Morgan —
$115,000,000
FAVORITE QUESTIONS— AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 166 to 180
1 66. If you are a victim of alopecia what is the matter with you?
167. Who became President after Lincoln's assassination?
1 68. What is said to be the most valuable first edition in Ameri
can literature?
169. Which of these girls' colleges was founded first: Wellesley,
RadcliflFe or Smith?
170. Name the three largest cities between the Mississippi River
and the Pacific Ocean.
171. Besides alligator pear, what is another nickname for the
avocado ?
172. Identify Mr. Paul C. Wilson.
173. What is asthenopia ?
174. In what year, do you think, did the U. S. consume the most
beer?
175. Just what is terrapin?
176. In the way that John Bull stands for England and Uncle
Sam for the U. S., what name represents France?
177. What Presidents of the U. S., if any, have won the Nobel
Peace prize?
178. What is the standard gauge for the rails on U. S. railroads ?
179. For how many years has the U. S. Post Office Department
offered air mail service?
180. What title does H.B.M. stand for?
Answers on page 132.
i32 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 166 to 180)
166. Alopecia is just a fancy name for baldness.
167. Andrew Johnson became President after Lincoln's assassina
tion.
168. The first edition of Poe's "Tamerlane," printed in Boston
in 1827, is reputedly the most valuable first edition in Amer
ican literature.
169. Wellesley was founded in 1870, Smith in 1871 and Radcliffe
in 1879.
170. The largest cities between the Mississippi River and the
Pacific Ocean are Los Angeles, St. Louis and San Francisco.
iji. In addition to alligator pear, the avocado is also nicknamed
"midshipman's butter."
172. Mr. Paul C. Wilson is the little-tyown husband of Secretary
of Labor Frances Perkins.
173. Asthenopia is the word for tired eyes or sleepiness.
174. The peaf( year for the U. S. consumption of beer was 'way
bac\ in 79/4.
775. Terrapin is a fresh- water turtle.
776. In the way that John Bull represents England and Uncle
Sam the U. S., Marianne stands for France.
177. Teddy Roosevelt, in 7906, and Woodrow Wilson, in 1918,
were awarded the Nobel Peace prize.
178. The standard gauge of U. S. railroads is 4. feet 8l/2 inches.
779. The United States Post Office Department will celebrate
the 21 st anniversary of its air mail service in May.
180. HJB.M. is the abbreviation for His Britannic Majesty.
ig.
OLD HELPFUL AT THE BAT
YOU can remedy soup that's been over-salted by putting
it back on the fire, adding a few sliced raw potatoes
and letting it boil for a few minutes A trick
worth trying in your electric icebox is freezing ginger ale
cubes for use in highballs You can drive a nail
into a plastered wall without crumbling the plaster if the
nail is first dipped in hot water or melted paraffin for a
few minutes
You can easily warp aluminum cooking pans out of
shape by repeatedly putting cold water in them while they're
hot By trimming an old whiskbroom into a sharp
V point, you'll have a good implement for cleaning the floor
corners and the like Don't keep your spare tire
unused. It should be alternated with all the other tires on
the wheels
Every 6 months you should remove your automobile tires
from the rims and reverse them, so that the side formerly
nearest the centre of the car is on the outside A
good way to get rid of ants is to spray crude petroleum oil
over their retreats in two successive doses Never
kill a bat that makes your cellar its habitat. They prevent
damage to rafters and other basement woodwork by devour
ing beetles and grubs that bore into them.
133
134 TAKE IT FROM ME
Here's how to fireproof clothes, curtains, etc., at home:
Dissolve 10 oz. borax and 8 oz. boric acid in one gallon
of hot water. Saturate garments by dipping in the solution,
then drain and hang up to dry. The garment may be ironed
when dry or slightly damp, but the iron should not be quite
so hot as ordinarily By mixing salt with the rinsing
water, you ladies can prevent a loss of color in your silk
stockings
A bit of milk added to the water in which potatoes are
boiling will make them lighter and fluffier when mashed.
An omelet's fluffiness can be better maintained by
putting a pinch of powdered sugar or corn starch in the
mixture You can prevent linoleum from cracking
by cleaning it with equal portions of lukewarm vinegar
and water
Colored clothes, although guaranteed color-fast, should
never be washed in water that's hotter than no degrees —
and that's not so hot Sugar is useful elsewhere than
in your tea. An addition of 6 per cent of it to sandlime
mortar increases its tensile strength by 60 per cent
You can remove chewing gum from clothes by rubbing
the spot with kerosene and then brushing the residue
away A small quantity of charcoal in a saucer on
the top shelf will help eliminate food odors in a refrigera
tor You can make a shabby umbrella look newer
by sponging it with a strong solution of sweetened tea.
Recipe: By mixing honey with whipped cream,
you can get a swell sauce for baked apples You
shouldn't pierce meat with a fork while it's cooking. It
allows rich juices to escape
Recipe: To best maintain the tang of fresh oysters, you
OLD HELPFUL AT THE BAT 135
should keep them from contact with water and ice at a
temperature between 35 and 40 degrees Cretonne
slip covers will retain their colors better if you wash them
in bran water A cracked egg can be successfully
boiled by first rubbing the shell with lemon juice
You can remove the deep brownish stain of iodine with a
quick application of ammonia
Add a few tablespoons of sulfurous (not sulphuric!) acid
to each pint of water in which you place cut flowers and it'll
bring out the buds better and make the leaves and stems
greener You can often improve the lighting of
your house by dusting off the electric light bulbs, especially
those frosted ones You can remove alcohol stains
from polished furniture by rubbing the spot with olive
oil
To prevent doughnuts from absorbing too much of the
fat in which they're fried, put a couple of drops of vinegar
in the dough when mixing it Watch that cigarette
butt: Among the known causes of fires in the U. S., careless
tobacco smoking leads — to blame 14 per cent of the time.
You can remove grass stains by saturating the spot
thoroughly with kerosene and then washing it
Pared apples won't discolor if you rub them with lemon
or orange juice If you hold a pin or needle in your
mouth while peeling onions, you won't shed tears
If at times your iced coffee seems weak, be advised that
more coffee grounds are needed to make the iced kind
than hot coffee For them as like it: You can readily
tell real jade from the fake stuff by placing it against your
lips or tongue. Real jade will feel cool
To mothers: A University of Chicago expert on mental
136 TAKE IT FROM ME
hygiene, Dr. Mandel Sherman, warns against parents re
counting the bright sayings of their children in the presence
of the kiddies themselves. It often leads to a child becoming
a troublesome, egocentric personality. . f . . .
No handling required, or Old Helpful at the bat again:
Place any doubtful egg in a pan of water. If it's absolutely
fresh, it'll lie on its side. If a few days old, it'll tilt upwards.
If stale, it'll stand on end Don't store cloths saturated
with polishing fluids away in closets. They often cause fires
from spontaneous combustion
It may be bad luck to kill a cricket, as most folks think,
but the darn things, if they get into your clothes, are liable
to chew holes in 'em just as moths do Try mixing
one part honey to four parts peanut butter the next time
you make a sandwich spread
Piling up left-over potatoes in a small dish causes them
to sour quickly. Spread 'em on a large dish if you want
to save 'em The Germans' favorite remedy for
winter colds is radish juice mixed with sugar candy. (We'd
rather have the cold.) Fruits that are not quite
ripe make the best jellies
Old Helpful also begs to report from the kitchen that
you can scale a fish a lot more easily if you dip it in boiling
water for one minute before giving it the works
You can keep frost off your windows or windshield by a
light smearing of glycerine over the glass
A Ritz-Carlton chef advises: To serve strawberries at
their best, first dip them in scalding water, then plunge
them quickly into icy water. Then add a touch of lemon
juice to cancel the berries' acidity and add a certain tart
ness You can readily determine if an article is
OLD HELPFUL AT THE BAT 137
solid gold by touching the metal with a glass stopper
moistened with nitric acid. The acid won't cause any
change in the color of the gold, but it'll change the color
of base metals
Bananas shouldn't be kept in a refrigerator You
can have our share, but for those who like 'em — prunes
should always be stewed in the same water in which they
were soaked You can improve the flavor of old
potatoes by adding a little sugar to the water in which
they're boiled
The way to roast beef exactly to your taste, advises the
government bureau of home economics, is by using a roast-
meat thermometer, which is thrust into the thickest part of
the beef. A roast will be rare at about 140 degrees, medium
at 1 60, and well done at 180 You can make your
table linen stay whiter in storage by wrapping it in blue
paper or putting it in drawers with a blue lining. Just why,
we can't say
If you want to preserve the tang, never place salt water
fish in fresh water. And lemon juice, you might like to
know, will dissolve small fish bones
FAVORITE GAGS
JONES: "Did you fish with flies?"
SMITH (just back from a fishing trip): "Fish with them!
Say, we fished with them, camped with them, ate with them
and slept with them!"
OLD GENT: "What are you crying for, my little man?"
BOY: "My b-b-big brother d-d-dropped a h-h-hammer on
his t-t-toe."
OLD GENT: "That's nothing to cry about. I should think you
would have laughed."
BOY: "I did."
As the train sped through western cattle lands a passenger
kept jotting down figures and explained to a fellow traveler
he had a ranch in Montana and was checking up on the stock
Wyoming ranchers kept. He showed a neat row of figures
on his paper — 406, 592, 315, etc. Amazed, the traveler asked,
"But how can you possibly count the cattle on each ranch as
we whizz by at this speed?"
"Oh, that's easy," said the rancher. "I just count the legs
and divide by four."
138
FAVORITE GAGS 139
The little lad was going to Sunday school for the first
time and his mother gave him a nickel for the collection.
He returned with the money. "I didn't need it," he ex
plained. "The minister met me at the door and let me in
free."
SHE: "Did anyone ever tell you how wonderful you are?"
HE: "No, I don't think anyone ever did."
SHE: "Well, then I'd like to know just where you got the
idea."
The frugal Scot, taking his son for a walk, asked, "Son,
have you got on your Sunday shoes?"
SON: "Aye, father."
FATHER: "Then take longer steps."
WILLIE: "Please, teacher, what did I learn today?"
TEACHER: "Why, William, what a peculiar question!"
WILLIE: "Well, that's what they'll ask me when I get home."
WILLIE: "Mum, that apple I just ate had a worm in it
and I ate that, too."
MOTHER: "Here, drink this water and wash it down!"
WILLIE: "Aw, let him walk down."
LAWYER: "Why are you so certain this man was drunk?"
OFFICER: "Well, I saw him put a penny in the patrol box on
Main street, then look up at the clock on the Presbyterian
church tower and shout, "Gosh, I've lost 14 pounds!"
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The farmer's horse would start going slowly and then
stop.
"Is he balky?" asked the city man.
"No," replied the farmer, "but he's, so afraid I'll say
'Whoa' and he won't hear me, he stops every once in a while
to listen."
20.
POLITICAL POP-UPS
STYMIE: No speaker of the national House of Repre
sentatives has ever stepped up to the Presidency of the
U. S It's still whispered in Washington that
Hoover, when President, only offered the Chief Justice
ship to Charles Evans Hughes because he understood
Hughes would refuse it. It was Herbert's real intention to
give it to his medicine ball companion, Justice Harlan
Stone
Embarrassing thought: That Old Joe Chamberlain, the
father of the present Premier of Gt. Britain, time after time
in his younger days had demanded that Queen Victoria be
kicked off the royal throne and a republic installed
Checker-upper: However much U. S. Senators garble
Shakespearian and Biblical quotations in their speeches
they always appear correct in the Congressional Record.
For so steeped in the works of the Bard and the Bible is
James H. Wick, official Senate stenographer, he can catch
the slightest misquotation the instant it's uttered
Aaron Burr, 3rd Vice President of the U. S., was the first
boss of Tammany Hall after the U. S. became a nation.
The 6 American statesmen sometimes called the
unelected Presidents were Henry Clay, Daniel Webster,
Stephen A. Douglas, James G. Blaine, Horace Greeley and
141
142 TAKE IT FROM ME
Samuel J. Tilden Miracle man: Mayor Frank
Hague of Jersey City lives in a luxurious duplex apartment,
has a $150,000 summer home on the Jersey shore, rides
around in a car half a block long and dresses fancier than
Jimmy Walker — on a mayoral salary of $8000 a year
A candidate for President of the U. S. doesn't have to
obtain a majority of the popular vote to get elected. In
fact, Lincoln (1861), Hayes, Garfield, Benj. Harrison,
Cleveland and Wilson (1916) received less than a majority.
To prevent election frauds, a plan is advanced to
make each citizen sign a receipt for his ballot, with checkers
then comparing that signature with a permanent file that
voters have previously signed when registering. It's an idea
that political machines and ward bosses frown upon,
naturally
Back in 1907, when he was a rookie representative in the
Massachusetts legislature, one Calvin Coolidge signed a
petition of the Anti-Third Term League, protesting against
a third Presidential term for Teddy Roosevelt and favoring
the nomination of Wm. Howard Taft. In the closing
months of Coolidge's 2nd term as President, when he was
considering running again, the petition bearing his signature
turned up in the hands of a Worcester, Mass., politician —
and eventually led to the famous "I do not choose to run"
in 1928 ukase. Had C. C. chosen to run, the petition would
have been flaunted at the Kansas City G. O. P. convention
to embarrass him and his supporters
Another statesman who long ago dropped his first name
is the Premier of Great Britain, Arthur Neville Chamberlain.
With gestures: For $250, you can get any one of
virtually half the U. S. Senators to make a speech at any
POLITICAL POP-UPS 143
function within 500 miles of Washington — whether the
Senate is in session or not. They're booked through a N. Y.
lecture agency
Retort: When U. S. Senator Ashurst of Arizona received
a letter from a constituent saying, "I think you are an ass,"
the Solon promptly replied, "You may be right. Fraternally
yours." Every once in a while Sec. of State Hull
telephones Henry L. Stimson, who was Sec. of State in
Hoover's cabinet, for the lowdown on Far Eastern matters,
into which Stimson delved very deeply during his Wash
ington tenure
The crustiest member of the U. S. Supreme Court,
Mr. Justice McReynolds, had the discourtesy to deliberately
read a newspaper while his fellow member, Benjamin
Cardozo, was taking his oath of office Immune to
ballyhoo : The political experts estimate that in a presidential
election, all but 3 per cent of the nation's voters have made
up their minds whom they'll vote for at least a fortnight
before election day
The long haul: It's estimated U. S. Senator LaFollette of
Wisconsin will have to remain in that body for 12 or 15 more
years before he acquires, by seniority, the desk once occupied
by his father, Fighting Bob LaFollette. And Henry Cabot
Lodge, Jr., of Massachusetts will have to wait even longer
than that before he sits in his grandfather's Senate chair.
Two Negroes have served in the U. S. Senate, both
representing Mississippi — Hiram R. Revels from 1870 to
1871 and Blanche K. Bruce from 1875 to 1881
F. D. R. and Al Smith both use the phrase, "off the
record," to indicate confidential stuff. But Jim Farley's
term for secret information is "in the room." "Now this is
144 TAKE IT FROM ME
in the room, boys." U. S. Senator Hiram Johnson
of California definitely deprived two men from serving
as President of the U. S. — himself and Charles E. Hughes.
At the 1920 G. O. P. convention, at which he was a hopeless
candidate for the presidential nomination, he spurned to
be the running mate of Warren G. Harding and let the
honor go to Calvin Coolidge. Less than three years later
Harding died and Coolidge went into the White House.
And in 1916, while G. O. P. Candidate Hughes was cam
paigning in California, party leaders snubbed Johnson, who
subsequently refused Hughes his benedition. Hughes lost
California by less than 3000 votes; if he'd carried it, Hughes
and not Woodrow Wilson would have been elected Presi
dent
When an amendment was offered in a recent session of
Congress to slash the 20-cents-a-mile travel allowance to
Congressmen to what they actually spent, just six patriots
voted in favor of the measure
Any Republican who'd like to see the White House
without F. D. R. occupying it can do so by traveling to
Biloxi, Miss., where the leading hotel of that resort is simply
called The White House Rated as the great states
man of ancient Athens, Themistocles would be called a
politician today. He could call more than 20,000 Athenians
by name, which is almost out-Parleying Postmaster-General
Jim Benjamin Franklin and Patrick Henry, using
their political influence, set about to make a financial cleanup
speculating in western lands in their day
The Mayor of Milton, Wash., to prove most people have
no idea for whom they're voting in an election, had a ficti
tious name listed among the G. O. P. candidates at a recent
POLITICAL POP-UPS 145
primary and darned if the phantom candidate wasn't elected
precinct committeeman over the flesh-and-blood contenders.
A bill introduced in a recent Congress called for
members of the House to wear uniforms bearing numbers,
not unlike a baseball team, so visitors in the galleries could
readily identify them
Grab bag: One amendment to the U. S. Constitution
(which fortunately was turned down) proposed that the
President be chosen by lot with all retiring U. S. Senators
drawing little balls from a box. One of these pellets was
to be of a distinctive color and the Senator drawing it would
be President for a year. And to make the plan work, it also
proposed to limit the Senators' terms to three years, with one-
third of the members retiring every 12 months
Progress in the midwest: Chicago citizens once had voting
machines. But the cagey pols quickly had them discarded
on the plea that the voting apparatus could be "fixed," just
like slot machines, for any percentage desired
That famed G. O. P. slogan, "A chicken in every pot," was
really a chestnut warmed over. Back in 1840 the Whigs
boomed Harrison over Van Buren by shouting, "Van's
policy — 50 cents a day and French soup; our policy — $2 a
day and roast beef." And in McKinley's 1900 campaign,
they revamped that and tom-tommed "The Full Dinner
Pail." Although bigwigs of the Democratic party
fight the ultra-conservative, anti-New Deal, Massachusetts
Republican Congressman, Robert Luce, tooth and nail,
nevertheless Jim Farley, himself personally, and the Demo
cratic National Committee are leading clients of Mr. Luce's
profitable press clipping bureau, with the latter spending as
much as $2500 monthly for cuttings during a campaign.
146 TAKE IT FROM ME
Birth of the spoils system: When the Postmaster General
bluntly refused to discharge capable postmasters for political
reasons, President Andrew Jackson said to him, "Mr.
McLean, would you do me the honor of accepting a seat on
the Supreme Court?" Mr. McLean quickly accepted and
Jackson promptly fired a flock of enemies and hired a bunch
of friends
Incident: Pausing to shake hands with young U. S.
Senator Henry Cabot Lodge of Massachusetts in the national
capitol, Vice President Garner observed, "You know, suh,
everybody goes 'round saying I hate you Yankees from the
North. But it isn't so. The fact is, I like to see you here."
Then he paused and added, "That is, so long as there aren't
too many of you."
It's never happened, but: If a successful candidate for
President of the U. S. should die between election day and
his inauguration, the national committee of his party would
then select the man for whom the electoral college members
should cast their votes
Profligate, but no hypocrite: Daniel Webster threw away
3 good chances of becoming President — in 1836, when he
rejected the Anti-Masons; in 1844, when he supported Tyler
against his own Whig party; and in 1859, when he defied
the radicals of his own party Maybe they're worth
it, but a U. S. Congressman gets 5 times as much pay as a
member of the British Parliament. ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 181 to 195
181. What is the approximate diameter of the moon?
182. About how many colleges and universities are there in the
U. S.?
183. What is meant by China's "open door policy"?
184. What are homonyms?
185. What is an abstract noun?
1 86. Who was the last Sultan of Turkey to have a harem?
187. What are often called the chemical senses?
1 88. What is the figure of speech called synecdoche?
189. Was any President of the U. S. ever in a railroad wreck
during his term of office?
190. Whose portrait adorns our $5000 bills?
191. Is it possible for every ship afloat at present to get through
the Panama Canal?
192. Where are most of America's walnuts grown?
193. Are snakes immune to their own venom?
194. What is chronic nephritis?
195. What lake is the highest navigable body of water in the
world ?
Answers on page 148.
147
148 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 181 to 195)
181. The diameter of the moon is approximately 2000 miles.
182. There are approximately 650 universities and colleges in the
United States.
183. China's "open door policy" means equal trade liberties for
all nations in that land.
184. Homonyms are words pronounced the same but differing
in spelling and meaning. Example: bier and beer.
185. An abstract noun is the name of an idea. Examples: honesty,
thirst, hope.
186. Abd-al-Hamid II (Abdul the Damned), deposed in 1909,
was the last sultan to have a harem. They let him ta\e a
half-dozen of his top notchers into exile with him.
i8j. The senses of taste and smell are often called the chemical
senses because they are stimulated directly by the chemical
attributes of food and other substances.
188. Synecdoche is the figure of speech in which a striding part
of the objective is used to signify the whole. Example: The
hearths (homes) of the nation.
189. President Franklin Pierce was once in a railroad wrec\ in
which his son was filled.
190. The portrait of President James Madison is on our $5000
bills (not that we ever owned one to tell).
191. Neither the Normandie nor the Queen Mary could get
through the Panama Canal under present conditions.
192. More than 90 per cent of America's walnuts are grown in
California.
193. Snakes are immune to their own venom.
194. Chronic nephritis is a form of kidney trouble.
795. Lafe Titicaca, in Bolivia, 12,500 feet above sea level, is the
highest navigable body of water in the world.
21.
BON MOTS SNIPPED FROM SOMEWHERE
WISE old Ben Franklin once observed: "Experience
keeps a very dear school, but fools will learn in no
other." Observes a cynic: "The trouble with most
men who worry about society's moral code is that they don't
worry about it until they're too old to break it them
selves." Definition by Editor Floyd Parsons: "In
flation dollars are like hat checks — you can increase the num
ber, but there won't be any more hats on the rack."
Wise old Elbert Hubbard once defined an expert as a
man "who decides quickly and is sometimes right."
"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he
begins to blame somebody else." A popular French
proverb runs: "Maternity is a matter of fact, but paternity
is a matter of opinion." "It's well and good for this
country to care for its mentally incompetent, but it shouldn't
get into the habit of doing so by electing and appointing
them to office."
"Mussolini — the greatest seizer of them all!" Bon
mot flipped off by Sir Philip Gibbs: "It is better to give
than to lend — and it costs about the same anyway."
A philosopher once observed: "Poverty may be no disgrace,
but that's the only nice thing you can say about it."
"An expert is usually just an ordinary fellow a long way
149
150 TAKE IT FROM ME
from home." "After months of labor, accountants
have arrived at the conclusion the total cost of the depression
was $149,000,000,000. All we can say is it wasn't worth it."
"A widow is the most fortunate woman in the
world. She knows all about men and all the men who know
anything about her are dead."
"Every married man knows there are two sides to every
question — his wife's and her mother's." "Silence is
not always golden; sometimes it's just plain yellow."
"It's a great kindness to trust people with a secret — they feel
so important while telling it." "We can't have a
revolution after 1948. If the rate of increase continues as it
has for a decade, in 10 years all of us will be working for the
government."
"When you're stripped of your enthusiasms, you'll be
dressed for the Great Beyond." "If the police only
knew it, the quickest way to disperse a mob is to pass around
the hat." "Arguing with a woman is just a case of
'He came, he saw, he concurred.' " "A well driven
golf ball leaves the head of the club at 135 miles an hour.
This is only slightly faster than a golfer leaves the
office."
"For bituminous coal operators, the year consists of two
seasons — winter and waiting for winter." A bon
mot originating in Southern California : "New England has
two seasons — winter and July. In the latter season it is
said the sleighing is darn poor." Carlyle once ob
served: "The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none."
The late Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes once re
marked that freedom of speech doesn't mean the right to
cry "Fire" in a crowded theatre
BON MOTS SNIPPED FROM SOMEWHERE 151
Observation of a country editor: "Sometimes a man thinks
he has a clean conscience when he only has a poor memory."
"The power of reason enables you to see the right
and the wrong in everything that doesn't affect your pocket-
book." "A plagiarist is one who gives birth to an
adopted child." "From England and Scotland we
got sects; from France we got sex."
"Following the line of least resistance is what makes rivers
and men crooked." "A green salesman will sell
more than a blue one." Cecil Rhodes, the empire
builder, once said: "I have never met anyone with whom it
was not just as easy to deal as to fight. Always reach a com
promise, if necessary, when no vital principle is involved."
"Getting even isn't half so profitable as getting
ahead."
"Knitting gives women something to think about while
they're talking." After a career in show business,
Producer Arthur Hopkins observes: "What many of us call
friendship is only tolerant intercourse, and too frequently
the tolerance is easily strained." "It ain't no disgrace
for a man to fail, but to lay there and grunt is."
Observation of Matthew H. Buckham, ex-prexy of the Univ.
of Virginia: "A gentleman is one who thinks more of other
people's feelings than his rights; and more of other people's
rights than of his own feelings."
"Let's thank our lucky stars that we can't see into the
future. It's bad enough to be able to see into the past."
"An explorer says wolf meat is very nourishing.
Gosh, here we've had a good meal on our doorstep all the
time without knowing it."
Bon mot by Henry Ford: "There's only one way to
152 TAKE IT FROM ME
retire — that's to retire in time every night to get up early to
go to work again." "Only one sound mind is needed
to make a sound decision. 'Two heads are better than one'
is a convenient excuse offered by those who are too lazy to
think or too timid to make up their mind alone."
Philosophy of an eminent statesman, "Learn to cultivate
a wallflower. The rich, the popular and the powerful get
plenty of attention anyway, but most people neglect the less
fortunate. They never fail to appreciate a little attention."
Bon mot by Ellen Glasgow: "The only difference
between a rut and a grave is in their dimensions."
An old Chinese proverb runs: "Be not disturbed at being
misunderstood; be disturbed at not understanding."
Saying by Ambrose Bierce: "Prejudice is a vagrant opinion
without visible means to support it."
An old Spanish proverb runs: "Go to friends for advice;
to women for pity; to strangers for charity; to relatives for
nothing." Some of the soundest words ever uttered
by the late Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes: "The law is
always approaching and never reaching consistency. It is
forever adopting new principles from life at one end and
it always retains old ones from history at the other, which
have never been absorbed or sloughed off. It will become
entirely consistent only when it ceases to grow."
"This is a great country. Over here they don't fight over
minorities — they just take the postmasterships away from
them."
Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch once flipped off this gem: "In
literature, as in life, he makes himself felt who not only
calls a spade a spade, but has the pluck to double spades
and redouble." The celebrated Dorothy Parker once
BON MOTS SNIPPED FROM SOMEWHERE 153
wise-cracked that the only thing she learned in school was
that if you spit on a pencil it would erase ink
Old Dr. Sam Johnson once said, "Money and time are
the heaviest burdens of life and the unhappiest mortals are
those who have more of either than they know how to
use." The wall motto of General Motor's super-
genius, Charles Kettering, reads: "A man must have a
certain amount of intelligent ignorance to get anywhere."
Macaulay wrote, more than a century ago: "We
know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one
of its fits of morality."
Smart and veracious crack is this: "The difference between
death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time
the legislature meets." "Remorse is something many
persons claim to experience after they have been hopelessly
caught." Laveter (whoever he was) once observed:
"If you wish to appear agreeable in society you must consent
to be taught many things you already know."
Admiral Moffett once got off this bon mot: "A second-
best navy is like a second-best hand in poker — worthless
when called." Sir James M. Barrie, discussing
charm: "If you have it, you don't need to have anything
else — and if you haven't it, it doesn't matter what else you
have." "It was night clubs that discovered the
relationship between gauze and effect." Wise old
Ben Franklin once said: "They that give up essential liberty
to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty
nor safety."
London's gloomy Dean Inge speaking: "The chief danger
of the white man arises from his arrogant contempt for
other races." The philosopher observes: "If your
154 TAKE IT FROM ME
foot slips, you may recover your balance; but if your tongue
slips, you can never recall your words." Said Glad
stone wisely, during a financial panic: "Credit is only
suspicion asleep." - f .
The late multi-millionaire, Julius Rosenwald once said:
"I never could understand the popular belief that because
a man makes a lot of money he has to have a lot of brains.
Some very rich men who made their own fortunes have
been among the stupidest men I have ever met in my life.
Don't confuse wealth with brains.". ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 196 to 210
196. What is the annual salary of the National Commander of
the American Legion?
197. How may the softest water be easily obtained?
198. Just what is wind?
199. Which ranks higher in the British peerage, an earl or a
duke? ,
200. What is the difference between a majority and a plurality?
201. On which side of the sun does an eclipse always begin ? On
which side of the moon?
202. Who is the ruler of Iceland?
203. What is the wife of an earl called?
204. What did the political term "Hunker" refer to?
205. What language is spoken by the largest number of persons ?
206. Which of the forty-eight is called the "Old North State."
207. What President of the U. S. never stayed in one place long
enough to become a qualified voter?
208. What is the principal ingredient of Roquefort cheese?
209. What is a megameter?
210. Just what does a bank do when it certifies a check ?
Answers on page 756.
155
156 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 196 to 210)
796. The National Commander of the American Legion receives
$10,000 a year salary and $10,000 expenses.
797. Rain in summer and melted snow in winter constitute the
softest water.
79$. Wind is air, naturally and horizontally in motion, with a
certain degree of velocity.
799. A du\e ran\s higher than an earl in the British peerage.
200. A majority is more than half the votes cast. A plurality is
only the highest number when three or more candidates are
running.
201. Eclipse of the sun always begins on the west side of that
body and eclipse of the moon on the east side.
202. The present ruler of Iceland is King Christian X of Den-
mar\, the Danish monarch always ruling over Iceland too.
203. The wife of an earl is a countess.
204. A "Hunger" was a conservative member of the Democratic
party opposed to Congress.
205. The language spoken by the largest number of persons
isn't English but Chinese.
206. North Carolina is called the "Old North State."
20j. Zachary Taylor was the President who never stayed in one
place long enough to become a qualified voter.
208. Roquefort is made out of ewe's mil\.
209. A megameter is a million meters.
210. When a ban\ certifies a chec\ it withdraws the amount
of the chec\ from the signer's account for the purpose of
paying the chec\ that it guarantees.
22
THESE UNITED STATES OF OURS
CENSUS headquarters: The most inventive state in
the Union right now is Delaware, one out of every 870
of its inhabitants having patented some invention within
the past 2 years. Up to then, Connecticut had been the
top state Illiteracy among the rural population of
the U. S. has decreased only 2 per cent in the past 20 years.
Monopoly: Of the 42 highest mountain peaks in the
U. S., 35 are in Colorado
Distinction: Arkansas is the only state in the Union where
diamonds have actually been mined Next to "Uncle
Tom's Cabin," "Ten Nights in a Barroom" is rated as having
influenced American thought more than any other play.
Blue law: Northfield, Conn., has an ordinance for
bidding anyone to proceed along a public street while eat
ing anything. (And it must be tough on local hot dog
stands.)
Spotless Town: Keene, Tex., a village of 600 population,
has never had a crime committed within its borders since
it was founded 44 years ago An eye witness reports
this casual incident: When a Negro member of a Florida
chain gang recently made a break for liberty, one guard
quickly bet another $i he'd nail the escaping convict right
between the shoulder straps over his overalls. The bet taken,
157
158 TAKE IT FROM ME
Guard No. i fired, the Negro toppled forward, they sauntered
up to the corpse, inspected the bullet hole and the crack-shot
guard collected Odd names of bona fide towns
are Rat, Mo., and Hole-in-the-Wall, La/
N. Y. state consumes 1/6 of all the beer drunk in
the U. S Service: The Springfield, Mass., public
library not only lends books, but phonograph records, with
a collection of 2000 to choose from Some more oddly
named communities in Texas are Loco, Grow, Noodle, Tow,
Art, Sublime, Industry, Bluff, Jonah and Cat Spring
Distinction: Mississippi is the only state in the Union today
having less than 1000 New England-born persons among its
residents
Some more odd Texas communities: Loving, Energy,
Tarzan, Gasoline, Best, Goodnight Living in lux
ury: A century ago Virginia's method of soaking the rich
was to slap a $30 annual tax on every bathtub in the state.
It's a small world : Back in 1904 there were only two
automobiles registered in Kansas City — and in the course of
that year they met in a head-on collision.
Blot on the escutcheon: Reckoned on a population
basis during the past quarter century, the American auto
mobile death rate has been more than twice as high as that
for neighboring Canada and for England. And it's more
than five times the rates for Germany and Italy, despite
the terrific speeds permitted in these totalitarian nations.
Suffocation point: During the summer months, the
temperature of the famed Death Valley ranges from no
to 125 degrees day after day, and sometimes goes even higher.
Chamber of Commerce item: "One advantage of
living on Nantucket is that on one side of the island you can
THESE UNITED STATES OF OURS 159
see the sound and on the other side you can hear the
sea."
A town that assesses no taxes on its citizens is Danville,
N. H., which, thanks to 50 acres of woodland set aside for
the town's benefit in 1760, now brings in enough municipal
revenue from lumber to make taxes unnecessary
The Grand Canyon gets all the press notices but little heard
of Snake River Canyon in Idaho is actually deeper than
it
Safety first: Only 20 years ago, when Nantucket island
admitted automobiles there for the first time, the town
fathers quickly sprang into action and established eight
miles an hour as the speed limit for them She
knew what she wanted: A little old lady from Dubuque,
or somewhere, who was visiting Chicago, asked the Trav
elers Aid to furnish her with police protection while she
did a little shopping
"Stenographer's Spread" and "Civil Service Hips" are the
self-explanatory terms facetiously applied to the physiques
of hordes of femmes who sit all day working for Uncle
Sam in Washington, D. C Street scene: A resident
of a Massachusetts town who drove up to the town hall
to collect his weekly $6 welfare check was discovered to
have spent $4.50 of the previous week's allotment on gaso
line. So now he's ofT the list, but still driving around
Nightly a staff of a dozen erudite copy readers goes
through the speeches delivered each day while Congress
is in session and routs out all the "ain'ts" and other gram
matical errors before they appear in the Congressional Rec
ord next day Civic pride item: Yuma, Ariz., goes
St. Petersburg, Fla., one better by offering not only free
160 TAKE IT FROM ME
newspapers, but also free restaurant meals on any day of
the year when the sun fails to shine there
Maybe you can make it out: One of Cleveland's banks is
the Fifth Third Union Trust Company Only 12
states have names of English origin while 26 are Indian
names. The remaining 10 are French or Spanish
It's always the way: An Illinois radio station puts on a weekly
quiz entitled "Know Your Government," putting a group
of foreign-born persons against one of native-borns. So far,
the foreign-born group has won every match On
a motor trip to California, Rev. C. C. Hill of New Orleans
stopped to take on a hitchhiker whom he promptly engaged
in conversation. In a couple of minutes the clergyman learned
he was talking to his own 76-year-old father whom he had
never seen before.
In the half century Washington, D. C., has had a police
harbor squad, they have failed in only one instance to re
cover the bodies of the many suicides who have leaped into
the Potomac river — believed to constitute a national record.
Land of the clean: We Americans consume one-third
of all the soap manufactured in the world Credit
where it's due: It is the announced opinion of a British mem
ber of the board of the Oxford dictionary that the best Eng
lish spoken in the U. S. is in Virginia and Massachusetts—
respectively
This great land of ours: The United States, with 6 per
cent of the world's population, consumes three-fourths of
the world's silk, half the world's oil, one-third of the world's
coal and contains half the world's communication facilities
and electrical energy capacity Revolting ratio: For
every 9 criminals killed in the commission of crime in the
THESE UNITED STATES OF OURS 161
U. S. nowadays, one officer of the law loses his life
Land of the Free: In Mayor Frank Hague's Jersey City,
the Disorderly Persons Act is so fulsomely worded that a
person can be arrested for merely frowning at a police
man
FAVORITE GAGS
The proud father of triplets called up the local weekly
to report the event. The fellow at the other end, not quite
hearing what he said, asked, "Will you repeat that ?" Snapped
back the proud papa, "Not if I can help it."
FAITH HEALER: "How is your father, George?"
GEORGE: "He's pretty sick."
FAITH HEALER: "Nonsense. He just thinks he's sick. You
tell him he just THINKS he's sick!"
Six months later:
FAITH HEALER: "Well, George, how's your father now?"
GEORGE: "Not so good. He thinks he's dead!"
CITY MAN (on tour of countryside): "What time is it?"
FARMER: "Twelve o'clock."
CITY MAN: "Only twelve? Why I thought it was much
more than that."
FARMER: "It's never much more than that, around here. It
goes up to twelve and then starts all over again."
The family and its guest had just seated themselves at the
table. "Susie," said Maw, "why didn't you put a knife and
fork at Mr. McKlunk's place?"
162
FAVORITE GAGS 163
Replied little Susie, "He don't need any, Maw. You said
he eats like a horse."
YOUNG WIFE: "What's the price of your hamburger steak?"
BUTCHER: "It's 25^ a pound."
YOUNG WIFE: "But at the corner store it's only 13^."
BUTCHER: "Well, why didn't you buy it there?"
YOUNG WIFE: "They didn't have any."
BUTCHER: "Oh, I see. Well, when I don't have it, I sell
it for 10^ a pound."
"How much for the mule?" asked a stranger of a Texas
farmer.
"Just a hundred dollars," was the reply.
"I'll give you $5," came the counter-offer.
"Stranger," said the farmer, "I ain't a-goin' to let a little
matter of $95 stand between me and you. The mule's
vourn."
The lawyer was examining a conscientious witness in a
pig stealing case and asked him to repeat the exact words
of the defendant.
WITNESS: "He said, sir, that he took the pig."
LAWYER: "Did he say, 'He took the pig' or 'I took the
Pig?"'
WITNESS: "He said he took it. Your name wasn't men
tioned."
TEACHER: "Lucy, I'm disappointed in your examination.
Didn't you tell me your father promised you a bicycle if you
came out on top?"
164 TAKE IT FROM ME
LUCY: "Yes, ma'am."
TEACHER: "Then why didn't you work harder? What have
you been doing these last eight weeks?"
LUCY: "Learning to ride a bike." <
TEACHER (to pupil) i "Spell the word 'straight.' "
PUPIL: "S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T."
TEACHER: "Correct. Now, what does it mean?"
PUPIL: "Without ginger ale."
SOME VERY VITAL STATISTICS
THE psychiatrists have definitely established that sex
insanity begins in childhood and has no connection
with heredity National shame: Of every 3 U. S.
infants who die during the first yr. of their lives, at least
one succumbs in the first 2 days after its birth Some
master mind has figured it out (without revealing his exact
system) that the economic value of a male child at birth is
$9333 and of a female baby $4600. No wonder they always
hope it's a boy
There are 6,000,000 blind persons in the world not includ
ing those in love The hesitant stork: Last fall
1,000,000 fewer children entered American elementary
schools than in the peak year of 1930. And it's readily ex
plained by the statistic that U. S. births are now falling off
at the rate of 50,000 annually The great majority
of giants (which includes all persons over 7 feet 6 inches in
height) have glandular defects and as a group live far
shorter lives than normal persons
The world's largest life insurance company asserts that
poor obstetrics are primarily responsible for the majority
of stillbirths in the U. S., which is a blot on the medical
profession's escutcheon You'll be surprised to know
that accidents in U. S. homes caused more deaths (38,500)
165
i66 TAKE IT FROM ME
last yr. than motor vehicles on U. S. highways
The rate of suicides along the Pacific slope is higher than
in any other section of the country. /And in New Eng
land, fewer persons go in for self-destruction than in any
other group of states ...... Observation of a naturalist:
"Animals do not often die long deaths, of broken hearts
and inner sickness and slow despair, but mostly fast and
uncomprehendingly, with torn jugulars or cracked spines
or the breath crushed out of their lungs."
1936 accident statistics show that in the daytime there
were twice as many instances of a locomotive hitting
an automobile at a grade crossing as at night. But at
night, more automobiles hit locomotives than in the day
time. And no particular reason for it is advanced ......
One of Britain's outstanding psychologists asserts that folks
with lots of iron in their blood are intellectual and artistic,
those with a high calcium content are strong, quiet and
plodding, those with too much carbon are dull, lazy and
plump, those with excess of oxygen are optimistic and
friendly and those with surplus sulphur are unstable and
emotional ......
It isn't until a baby is 9 months old that it begins to dis
tinguish some simple words and to discriminate between
sounds and really start to learn the language. So up to
then, you're wasting your time talking sense to Baby.
..... Tired of it all: The largest percentage of suicides
occurs between the ages of 65 and 75 years ......
Woman ahead of her time: On Dec. 6, 1898, long
before the days of high-powered publicity, Mrs. Henry
Gephart of Little Bear Ridge, Idaho, gave birth to quintu-
SOME VERY VITAL STATISTICS 167
plets — all boys and all alive. But all the publicity she gar
nered from this feat of maternity was a 3-inch item in the
county's weekly paper Fish, reptiles and birds are
all known, in specific instances, to have outlived the old
est men
After an exhaustive survey of 25,000 names in "Who's
Who," insane asylum rosters and the like, a Univ. of Il
linois professor arrives at the conclusion that children con
ceived in the first half of the year are more likely to be
geniuses or insane criminals than those conceived in the
latter half It's not quite a ioo-to-1 bet that an ex
pectant mother won't bear twins. Currently, duplex births
occur once every 93 times in the U. S
U. S. statistics show that a divorced woman who remarries
more often chooses a widower than a divorced man for sec
ond mate The safest of all places to be is in bed,
the accident statistics show. But they still didn't help the
woman in Salamanca, N. Y., who broke her right leg just
turning over in bed Fly-time statistic: It's esti
mated that one person out of every eight snores
The U. S. consumption of cigarettes increased 51 per cent
in the past decade, with femme addicts taking a bow for
the major share of the upward trend It's estimated
that of the approximately 1,000,000 persons who die in the
U. S. each year, some 300,000 might have been saved by
proper medical attention
Bossy's peak: During the eight months after their calves
are born, cows whose offspring arrive in February
give more milk than those whose calves are born in any
other month, research at Yale has recently revealed
According to the most recent government figures Novem-
i68 TAKE IT FROM ME
her and December, in that order, account for the smallest
percentage of the year's total of babies, while July tops all
months for keeping the stork on the hustle
A survey shows that 15 per cent of the money borrowed
by Americans from small loan companies is to defray doctors'
and hospital bills How about a Babe-of-the-Month
Club? Anyway, American babies born in March by and
large have better minds than those born in any other
month, an exhaustive research by Prof. Ellsworth Hunting-
ton of Yale reveals The more, the unmerrier: Sta
tistics show that the larger a U. S. city is, the higher its
suicide rate is also likely to be
Life insurance statistics show that women are the chief
victims of diabetes these days Who, me? Only
one in 10 snorers is aware he has the habit until informed
by someone else The greatest factor in longevity,
the life insurance statistics show, is heredity — having parents
who live to a ripe old age. But, of course, that won't help you
in an automobile accident Both experiments and
statistics prove that the safest motorists are those of middle
age, who are most likely to combine judgment with dex
terity
Despite the old gag of papa always whacking his thumb
with a hammer, the statistics show that home accidents occur
most frequently to women, infants and elderly folks
Youths reaching the military age of 20 in Germany dropped
from 644,000 in 1932 to 315,000 in 1937 — a decline to be
traced directly to the World War Last year in the
U. S., only 7 per cent of all the drivers arrested in fatal motor
accidents were intoxicated while 9 per cent of the pedestrians
killed were under the influence of liquor
SOME VERY VITAL STATISTICS 169
Statistics show that the average man with only a high
school education reaches his maximum earning power at
40, with a salary of $2200 a yr., while college men are aver
aging nearly $3000 only 5 yrs. after they're graduated
The old statistics show that 1,600,000 American children
(about one in every six) have defective hearing. And of
that number about 300,000 have to resort to lip reading.
December is highly favored as a month for wed
dings in Scotland and Norway, where a large part of the
population is engaged in the fishing industry and marriages
are accelerated with the return of the fishing fleets the
last month of the year Scourge: Fully 5,000,000
more persons died during the world-wide influenza epi
demic of 1918-19 than lost their lives in the World War.
The venturesome nature of the male asserts itself from
birth. Which accounts for the fact that the accident rate of
U. S. boys in the first year of life is 20 per cent higher than
that of baby girls
Brains and longevity: Phi Beta Kappa men have the
lowest death rate of all classes of college men. (So bone
a little harder, boys; it may prolong your life.)
Every year, Americans lose about $1,250,000,000 in wages
due to absence by sickness So prolific are white
rats, that a sturdy pair of them can become the ancestors
of 15,000,000 white rats in only 5 years
Terrific toll: Of all the combatants in the World War
who survived that cataclysm, more than 15,000,000 have
since died from the effects of their war service
Paris operates a municipal stud farm for cats. Its object
is to breed the type of cat most efficient for catching
rats The dangerous age: Among U. S. and Canadian
170 TAKE IT FROM ME
children between the ages of 5 and 19, accidents are the
greatest single cause of death. And from the age of 20 to 34
in the U. S. and Canada, tuberculosis ranks as the No. i
killer £
"Three Blind Mice" is understating the case. At birth,
every mouse is blind No outstanding man in world
history has been a twin Man obtains 85 per cent
of his knowledge through his eyes — excepting the blind, of
course Grim statistic: 3 times as many men as
women commit suicide in the U. S. each year. And among
cases past 45 years of age, the ratio mounts to approximately
6 male suicides to one woman
Stork protection: You can insure yourself against having
twins for a premium as low as 5 per cent. In other words,
they'll bet you 20 to i you don't score a parental
double Each year, more than 500,000,000 tons of
soil from American farms reach the sea, with the Mississippi
river sucking along more than 60 per cent of it. The
potassium, nitrogen and phosphorus contained in that much
soil is worth $2,000,000,000 at current prices, so you can see
what a bill we have against OF Man River
This awesome statistic is offered by the world's largest
life insurance company: One out of every ten adults in the
U. S. will become infected with the most ravaging of all
social disease sometime during his or her life
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 211 to 225
211. What is the standard length of a cigarette?
212. What is absolute zero?
213. Just what is the function of a gland?
214. What scientist discovered vaccination for smallpox?
215. What artist painted the famed picture of "Washington
Crossing the Delaware"?
216. How many pounds are there in a long ton?
217. Who invented the piano?
218. What happens to money found in dead letters whose senders
cannot be traced?
219. Do you happen to know what causes a hangover after the
big night before ?
220. Who was the first woman to serve in Congress?
221. About how many tons would all the gold in the world
weigh ?
222. What are said to be the three essential needs of man?
223. What were the seven wonders of the Middle Ages?
224. What is the hardest substance in the human body?
225. What is the approximate total population of South Amer
ica?
Answers on page 172.
171
172 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Question 211 to 225)
211. The standard length of a cigarette is 2% inches.
212. Absolute zero is 456.69° Fahrenheit. '
213. A gland is a secreting place which abstracts material from
the blood and ma%es a new substance of it.
214. Edward Jenner discovered vaccination for smallpox.
21$. German-born Emanuel Leutz painted the famed picture,
"Washington Crossing the Delaware."
2/6. There are 2240 pounds in a long ton.
2/7. The piano was invented in Italy by Bartolomeo Christofori.
218. Money found in dead letters which cannot be traced bac\
to the sender is turned into United States currency.
2/9. A hangover is caused by the lactic acid staying in one's
blood long after the alcohol of the night before has been
absorbed.
220. Jeanette Ran fen of Montana, elected in 1916, was the first
woman to serve in Congress.
221. All the gold in the world at present would form a cube of
331A 1ect and weigh 22,23$ tons.
222. The three essential needs of man are food, clothing and
shelter.
223. The seven wonders of the Middle Ages were the Coliseum
of Rome, the Catacombs of Alexandria, the Great Wall of
China, Stonehenge, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Porce
lain Tower of Nanking and the Mosque of Santa Sophia
at Constantinople.
224. The dental enamel is the hardest and most indestructible
substance in the human body.
225. The population of South America is about 92000,000.
TRENDS, FORECASTS AND PLAIN
CRYSTAL-GAZING
REAL estate dealers with a vision prophesy that 10 yrs.
from now every home valued at $7500 and up will be
air-conditioned We roving Americans : Travel in the
U. S. this yr. will average more than 2000 miles per inhabit
ant One of India's rich and canny maharajahs is
dickering with a leading London dept. store to buy for
around $100,000 its now discarded coronation decorations.
The maharajah intends to use 'em all over again for
George VTs Durbar celebration in India if and when it
happens
And the height of something or other is N. Y. city worry
ing that it won't have hotels enough to accommodate the
crowds flocking there to the 1939 world's fair It's
bruited among their friends that Col. Lindbergh is writing
a book of his memoirs these days, with Friend Wife Anne
helping him to whip it into literary shape
Rehabilitation: Americans will buy $500,000,000 worth of
new furniture this yr., which is a big improvement over 1932
when we bought only $206,000,000 worth, but doesn't hold
a candle to 1926, when we splurged and bought $800,000,-
ooo in furniture Observes a leading cinema au
thority: The Hollywood trend is to make even more ex
pensive pictures, with the $2,000,000 mark now being ap-
173
174 TAKE IT FROM ME
preached. But as soon as a few super-super-films flop, the
producers will snap back to sanity.
Dr. Morris Fishbein, eminent editor of the American
Medical Association Journal, predicts the time will come
when birth control technique will cause women to be sterile
for 2 or 3 yrs. at a stretch by the injection of a certain sub
stance in the blood stream You don't have to worry
about it right now, but 200 yrs. hence, if nothing further is
done to conserve America's topsoil, this land will be suf
fering from famines as devastating as those that plague
China now
With a practical and suitable glass joint now available,
the glass industry expects that glass piping will soon be
adopted by homes and factories as a substitute for metal
pipes The word from Washington is that John
Hamilton, the $25,ooo-a-yr. national G. O. P. chairman, will
be out of that job long before the next presidential campaign
is cranked up
Back to bottles: Via grapevine telegraph from the brewing
centres (or should we say hopvine?) comes the word that
beer in tin cans has seen its peak days and the swing is back
to glass containers It was inevitable, of course,
that some leading makes of electric refrigerators should come
out with a radio set built in the icebox. So now the happy
housewife can hear "September in the Rain" while she's
frying doughnuts in June. . . . :« ., .,;
One eminent educator, President Walters of Cincinnati
University, predicts the year 1943 will mark the beginning
of a long and steady decline in American college enroll
ments. Indeed, the number of pupils in the six lowest grades
of U. S. public schools is already declining Igor
Sikorsky, big shot aircraft executive, estimates that by 1950
TRENDS, FORECASTS, CRYSTAL-GAZING 175
airplanes whizzing in the stratosphere will be making three
or four-day cruises from New York to the North Pole and
routine trips to Asia or Australia in less than two days. And
as for New York-European traffic, that'll be a matter of only
15 to 18 hours
Scarfpins, or what grandpa called stickpins for neckties,
are on their way back to fashion, our spy in London's Bond
Street reports When aerodynamically designed
planes reach a flying altitude of 40,000 feet (as they will
within a few years), they'll be able to glide to a landing
place anywhere within a 120-mile radius if anything should
stop the motors
Don't be surprised if out of the old Literary Digest its
present aggressive owners in the near future fashion a maga
zine to invade the field of the amazingly successful Reader's
Digest When television is finally established in the
U. S., only the largest cities will be serviced until the pro
hibitive costs are cut down
One cosmetics manufacturer is now shooting at the juvenile
market with a line of lotions, creams, lipsticks, powders, etc.,
for use of adolescents between 10 and 16 years of age
Get set, mates: Any day now, Hitler will be frankly and
definitely offered to the German public as a substitute for
God. (It's been in the works quite a while already.) And
although Adolf likes to think of his humble origin as a
paperhanger as not unlike Christ's as carpenter, he never
gets around to explaining why the streets have to be lined
with S. S. black shirts every time he makes a public ap
pearance, for fear someone may knock him ofT, while Christ
required no bodyguard. But at the proper time, Joe Goebbels
will probably give the rational answer
176 TAKE IT FROM ME
One of radio's biggest shots observes: "Television will
never supplant sound broadcasting. You can't watch tele
vision while you're eating, dressing, playing bridge or doing
odd jobs around the house."
When it's put on sale, there'll be a market for this gadget:
It's a small connection with your telephone and radio set —
and when you lift the receiver of the phone, your radio
is automatically silenced till your receiver is put back
again Sakes alive! The tin bathtub of your granny's
day is coming back — only it's ultra-modern in design and
coated with baked enamel in various tints. ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 226 to 240
226. What is the difference between egoism and egotism?
227. What is the capital of Portugal?
228. What causes an eclipse of the sun ? Of the moon ?
229. About how many Quakers do you suppose there are in the
world ?
230. What was the last state necessary to ratify the U. S. Consti
tution and make it operative?
231. Which has the strongest explosive power, gasoline or dyna
mite?
232. What three parts of the world are the most thickly settled?
233. Name the highest mountain in Europe.
234. How many acres are there in a square mile?
235. What vegetable is canned in the largest volume in the
United States? And what two fruits lead the canning field?
236. In his political career, on the tickets of how many parties
did William Jennings Bryan run for President?
237. How long, high and wide is a standard cord of wood ?
238. What nation is often called the "Land of the Gods"?
239. Who first officially fixed 6 per cent as the legal rate of inter
est?
240. What three nations are the largest source of crude oil today ?
Answers on page ij8.
177
178 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 226 to 240)
226. Egoism is the ethical theory that views self-interest as the
end of moral action. Egotism is the practice of self-praise.
227. The capital of Portugal is Lisbon.
228. An eclipse of the sun is caused by the moon coming between
the sun and the earth and shutting off sunlight from the
earth. An eclipse of the moon is caused by the earth com
ing between the sun and the moon and cutting off the moon's
supply of sunlight.
229. There are about 170,000 Quakers in the world, mostly in
the United States.
230. The last state necessary to ratify the U. S. Constitution and
ma\e it operative was 'New Hampshire.
231. According to a University of Michigan professor, gasoline
has ten times the explosive power of dynamite.
232. The three most thickly settled parts of the world are eastern
U. S., western Europe and China.
233. The highest mountain in Europe is Elbrus, in the Caucasus
— 75,465 feet.
234. There are 640 acres in a square mile.
23$. The tomato is canned in the largest volume in the U. S.,
with peaches and pineapple leading the fruits.
236. In the course of his career, William Jennings Bryan ran for
President on the tickets of 36 different parties.
237. The standard cord of wood measures 8 feet long, 4 feet
high and 4 feet wide.
238. Japan is sometimes called the "Land of the Gods."
239. When money lenders in Rome waxed greedy, Julius Caesar
finally fixed the legal interest rate at 6 per cent.
240. The three nations having the largest source of crude oil today
are U. S., Soviet Russia and Venezuela.
25-
FAMOUS BUM GUESSES
A BOSTON newspaper of some 54 yrs. ago reported:
"Joshua Coppersmith has been arrested for trying to
exhort funds from ignorant and superstitious people by a
device which he says will convey the human voice over wires.
He calls the instrument a telephone." (We wish Joshua
had stuck our ancestor with a big block of that stock.)
No hurry about it: George B. Selden, the father of
the automotive industry, built his first automobile in 1877,
and he didn't bother to patent it until 18 yrs. later
An idea that went busto was that of "packaged securi
ties" offered by a Wall Street brokerage firm, with the in
vestment parcel containing one share each in 25 to 50 low-
priced issues It was the Junkers, the big German
land owners and the major industrialists, who actually put
Hitler into power — and not because they wanted him but at
the time Germany was in a turmoil and Adolf was making
the most noise and causing the most trouble. (And do they
wish they had a second guess!)
In a book published in 1933, Dorothy Thompson related
it took her just 50 seconds after meeting Adolf Hitler to
decide that that "formless, almost faceless man" would
never become dictator of Germany. ("Oh, Dotty!" — as
Charlie McCarthy would say.) Unsung genius:
Among the many nutsy things your Uncle Sam has granted
179
i8o TAKE IT FROM ME
patents on is a self -tipping derby hat, invented about 40 yrs.
ago
A Connecticut woman whose neck was broken in a rail
road wreck back in 1913 settled for $K>,OOO cash and $700
monthly during her lifetime when doctors said she had only
a few months to live. But, though a helpless invalid, she's
living today, with the railroad having paid her $193,000 to
date, plus $161,000 which provides an $8400 annuity for the
next 20 years When forks were introduced in
civilization, many preachers ranted against their use on the
grounds that God had provided human beings with hands
and it was impious for man to substitute artificial fingers of
steel for his own digits
The inventor of the safety pin sold all rights to his idea
for $400. He could have become a millionaire by holding
on Critique: Here's how the Chicago Times of
1865 evaluated Lincoln's Gettysburg address and com
mented on it the next day: "The cheek of every American
must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat and dish-
watery utterances of a man who has to be pointed out to
intelligent foreigners as the President of the United
States."
So little faith did C. Latham Sholes have in the future
of the typewriter, which he invented, that he sold all his
rights in the machine for $12,000. Hanging on would have
made him a millionaire When the telephone was
first exhibited, a N. Y. editor put himself out on the limb
with this prophecy: "Well-informed people know that it is
impossible to transmit the human voice over wires . . .
and that, were it possible to do so, the thing would be of
no practical value
FAMOUS BUM GUESSES 181
The nation's leading game manufacturer turned down
"Monopoly" when it was first offered them, but months later
reluctantly took it on. It turned out to be the best seller of
the decade When radio broadcasting hit the at
mosphere in a big way 15 yrs. ago, that outstanding journal
of show biz, the N. Y. Clipper, predicted that the wireless
concerts would "die a natural death" and folks would
soon revert to their phonographs for musical divertise-
ment
On the U. S. entering the World War, our experts feared
Germany might seize the Virgin Islands, so we promptly
bought them from Denmark for $25,000,000. It was later
discovered that not a harbor of the islands could accom
modate a modern warship of any appreciable size
When Maryland granted a patent on a steam-propelled
wagon (the precursor of the locomotive) in 1787, it of
ficially commented that "it would doubtless do no good,
but certainly could do no harm."
Half a dozen yrs. ago our British cousins felt talking pic
tures would sound the death of Hollywood. Exulted, one
of London's big shots said: "Hollywood has played into
the hands of Ellstree (Britain's film-making centre). No
body (in England) will wish to listen to American speech
when we can hear the pure English of our own play
ers." When Edison first demonstrated his incan
descent electric lamp, the prexy of the Stevens Institute of
Technology, Henry Morton, sneered, "Everyone acquainted
with the subject will recognize it as a conspicuous
failure."
Coronet magazine, established to lose (for income tax
purposes) some of the huge profits rolled up by its big
182 TAKE IT FROM ME
brother, Esquire, fooled its publishers and turned in a profit
of $115,000 in its first six months Back in 1827 the
Boston Courier printed the discouraging observation that
the then proposed railway from Boston to Albany was "a
project which every one who knows the simplest rule of
arithmetic knows to be impracticable and which if practicable,
every person of common sense knows would be as useless
as a railroad from Boston to the moon."
An eminent clergyman once went on record that the in
troduction of railroads into the U. S. would require many
additional insane asylums for folks driven stark mad with
terror at the sight of locomotives rushing across the country
with nothing to pull them. And railroads were likewise
denounced by rational people because they weren't foreseen
in the Bible When the world's first mutual savings
bank was founded in Scotland in 1810, a leading economist,
William Cobbett, promptly called it "The great fraud, the
cheat of all cheats." (Those economists are always calling
their shots wrong.)
Eight eminent N. Y. business men conferred in 1883 to
decide whether to buy up the rights to Alexander Graham
Bell's telephone or another invention, both of which were
offered at the same price, $300,000. They decided there'd
be more money in the other contrivance
At a recent banquet, Louis B. Mayer, Hollywood film
magnate, spoke thus: "Thirty years ago, back in Massachu
setts, B. F. Keith said to me, 'My boy, motion pictures are
a fad; they're like the bicycle. They won't last long.'"
Man without vision: There's a legend in Uncle
Sam's patent office that half a century ago one of its ex
aminers resigned because he figured inventors were too
FAMOUS BUM GUESSES 183
swiftly exhausting every conceivable idea for new inven
tions. He wanted a job that would be permanent
Following discovery of the first American oil well back
in the 1840*5, its crude petroleum was sold as medi
cine
Following the killing of Archduke Ferdinand, which im
mediately precipitated the World War, a leading N. Y.
newspaper said this editorially on June 29, 1914: "While
it is only natural that one should be stricken with horror
at the brutal and shocking assassination of Archduke Fer
dinand, it is impossible to deny the fact that his disappear
ance from the scene is calculated to diminish the tenseness
of the situation and to make for peace both within and
without the Dual Empire." (Oh yeah!)
When Samuel Pepys, the old time diary keeper, first saw
Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet" presented, he said it was
the lousiest play on the boards — which may have made him
a famous diarist, but a lousy drama critic When
New York's Y. W. C. A. in 1881 announced typewriting
lessons for women, there were vigorous protests from reform
groups that the female constitution would break down
completely under the strenuous six months' course of
fered
Over a stretch of years, the great New York merchant
A. T. Stewart spent more than $500,000 in a fruitless fight
against replacing the old stage coaches of that city with
"modern" horse cars — on the grounds that street cars would
keep his fashionable patrons from driving their carriages
to his store
In many a public speech, the great Daniel Webster ex
pressed his doubt of the ultimate success of American rail-
184 TAKE IT FROM ME
roads, arguing that frost on the rails would prevent a train
from moving — or if it did move, from being brought to a
stop Speaking before the British Association for
the Advancement of Science in 1896,, the eminent A. R.
Sennett contended that horseless carriages (automobiles)
could never be widely used because so much skill was re
quired of the driver, who would not have the intelligence
of the horse for shaping his path
A sketch of him in the New Yorker in 1932 said it seemed
as if Richard Whitney, now of Sing Sing, "had been selected
early by some eugenic process and groomed for a place at the
top of the financial heap." When Carrie Jacobs Bond,
as a young widow, composed "I Love You Truly" and
offered it to a succession of publishers, they all turned it
down. So she borrowed some money and published and per
sonally peddled it herself. To date it has sold more than
1,000,000 copies — one of the world's classics
Most persons who lent money to Robert Fulton to pursue
his plans for a steamboat did so with the stipulation that
their names be kept secret — for fear they might be ridi
culed for backing such an absurd idea
FAVORITE GAGS
Johnny was told to invite a sissified boy to his birthday
party. When he failed to show up for the occasion, Johnny's
mother became suspicious. "Are you sure you invited
Reginald?" she asked.
"Of course I did, mother," assured Johnny. "I not only
invited him to come; I dared him."
WILLIE: "Grandma, when are you going to start playing
football?"
GRANDMA: "Why, darling, I can't play football. Why?"
WILLIE: "Well, papa says he's going to buy a new car just
as soon as you kick off."
TRAFFIC COP: "Pardon me, lady, but didn't you see me wave
my hand?"
FEMME DRIVER: "Of course I did. And didn't I wave back to
you? What did you expect me to do — throw you a kiss?"
"Hello," said a feminine voice over the phone. "Is this
the humane society?"
"Yes," replied the official in charge. "Well, there's a book
agent sitting out here in a tree teasing my bulldog."
185
i86 TAKE IT FROM ME
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER: "Can you tell me who made you,
Jimmy?"
JIMMY: "Yes; God made part of me."
TEACHER: "Just what do you mean by that?"
JIMMY: "I mean He made me real little, and I just growed
the rest myself."
FRESHMAN: " Where Ve you been the last two hours?"
SOPHOMORE: "Talking to the blonde at the cigar counter."
FRESHMAN: "What did she say?"
SOPHOMORE: "No."
A doctor, receiving an urgent call from a man who said
his son had swallowed a fountain pen, said, "Okay, I'll be
right over. But in the meantime just what are you going
to do?"
Replied the man, "Oh, I'll use a pencil."
The distinguished visitor to an insane institution had
difficulty getting the right phone number. Finally, in des
peration, he shouted to the operator, "Young lady, do you
know who I am?"
Came back the voice calmly, "No, but I know where you
are!"
JONES: "What are you running for?"
SMITH: "To stop a fight."
JONES: "Who's fighting?"
SMITH: "Oh, just me and another guy."
FAVORITE GAGS 187
The enthusiastic golfer came home to a late dinner. Dur
ing the meal his wife remarked, "Willie tells me he caddied
for you this afternoon."
"Well, I'll be darned," said Willie's papa, "I thought I'd
seen that boy somewhere before."
26.
PRESS PRATTLE
J. H. WILLARD, publisher of the Tyler County (Tex.)
Booster, managed to get a fortnight's vacation in Utah
this summer by printing up 2 issues of his weekly paper in
advance of his going away. "You see," he explained, "we
knew all about the local news and what social events were
scheduled, so we wrote them up ahead of time." (Is that
a system!)
What the layman calls a "scoop" is a word never used by
newspaper men themselves. They usually call it a "beat"
or "exclusive." Recently a reporter on an eminent
N. Y. morning daily tried to dig up clippings in the paper's
reference library on the Wall Street bomb explosion of some
15 yrs. ago in which 36 persons were killed. But looking
through the filing system under "Explosions," "Disasters,"
"Bombings" and "Wall Street," he couldn't find a thing.
The envelope of clippings finally turned up under the head
ing "Mishaps."
Classified adv. snipped from a midwest journal: "Green
colored girl wants work as gen. maid." And this
classified adv. recently appeared in a Bergen County (N. J.)
daily: "Man (elderly) for kennel work; $15 a month with
room and broad." Frank admission of a famed and
conservative newspaper editor: "Sex is something you can't
down by ignoring it, because it will always be with us — I
188
PRESS PRATTLE 189
hope." The English language edition of the Osaka
(Japan) Mainichi recently contained this pip: "The (Japa
nese) army and navy must go arm in arm like the two
wheels of a cart."
When a Johnson City, Tenn., citizen finally came in to
cancel an advertisement in the local paper for a lost cow,
he explained advertising's power this way: "The first day
you ran my ad, a man brought my cow home and I forgot
about it. That night the cow kicked down the rails and
escaped again. The ad kept on working and another reader
brought her back, but I couldn't get here to stop the ad. Last
night the cow knocked down the rails and got away again
and another fellow brought her back. Now I finally got
down here to cancel the ad for sure, because I'm going
home and kill the dad-blamed cow."
Light-hearted: When a Newark newspaper recently re
ceived bombing threats, it posted a sign on its editorial floor
with an arrow pointing and these words printed on it:
"Offices of Ledger Editor. Throw Bombs That Way."
Unhurried: It wasn't until 1905 — 67 years after it
was founded — that the celebrated Baltimore Sun got around
to hiring its first advertising solicitor
It was a chance visit of a newspaper editor, Carl Magee,
of an Albuquerque, N. M., sheet, to the ranch of Albert B.
Fall (where he noted vast improvements and signs of pros
perity) that led to the opening of the famed Teapot Dome
scandal Monopoly: All governmental news beats
in Italy are handed to Mussolini's own newspaper, Popolo
d'ltalia of Milan, on a silver platter. Then all the other
papers have to print the news and credit its origin to II Duce's
sheet. ,
190 TAKE IT FROM ME
Bouquet for Dixie: In a recent speech to editors, John
Martin, head man of "Time," asserted time-worn phrases
and cliches appear less frequently in Southern newspapers
than elsewhere in the U. S Just/ another paragraph:
When Samuel F. B. Morse sent the world's first telegraph
message, "What hath God wrought," from Washington to
Baltimore, the esteemed Baltimore Sun was so unexcited
by the news, it gave the epochal item just n lines under
"Local Matters" on page 2
To keep it functioning in high, membership newspapers
kick in more than $10,000,000 a yr. to the Associated
Press Latest! Extra! A Fascist newspaper in
Bologna is out with the news that Buffalo Bill was an Italian,
born in Barbigarezzo in 1840 and whose real name was
Giovanni Tambini Two-thirds of the nation's news
papers have no competitor in the morning, evening or Sun
day field And that reminds us: News-stands report
that almost any new magazine the size of Reader's Digest
sells readily on its first appearance but it's the repeat sales in
subsequent months that lick most of them
When Stanley Baldwin was made Premier of England,
the editor of the powerful London Times (which later
backed him to the hilt in the abdication crisis) remarked,
"He's discreet enough to be 'safe' and stupid enough not
to intrigue." The largest single issue of a U. S. daily
newspaper ever published was in 1925, in the midst of the
Florida land boom, when the Miami Daily News came out
one day with 504 pages. . . . * «
Fair question: The son of a nonagenarian recently called
up the city editor of a midwestern daily and proudly pro
claimed, "My father will celebrate his 92nd birthday to-
PRESS PRATTLE 191
morrow. In all his life he has never touched liquor or
tobacco. He's never used profanity. He's never been mixed
up with women. He indulges in no vices and excesses. And
tomorrow he will celebrate his p2nd birthday." "Just how?"
asked the city editor simply
Der Tag: For 19 yrs. the Daytona Beach (Fla.) News-
Journal had type all set to rush an extra to the street on the
occasion of Neighbor John D. Rockefeller's death. But on
the day when the oil king passed away, the motor that runs
the News-Journal's presses was dismantled for repairs and
not a cylinder rolled
When British newspapers merge they almost never hy
phenate the titles of the anschlussed sheets (like New York
Star-Gazette), but stick an "and" in between the two names
(like Sheffield Telegraph and Star) A recent sub-
headline in the Woburn (Mass.) Times read: "President
Roosevelt Achieved Most of What He Attempted to Ac
complish — Congressman Dies Suddenly."
Wm. Allen White's famed Emporia (Kan.) Gazette de
clines to run those husband-refuses-to-be-responsible-for
wife's-debts advs. for this stated reason: "We don't want
the money of the poor devil with a fool wife and we don't
want the money of a tightwad husband with a good wife."
An inspired desk man on the Norfolk Virginian-
Pilot dashed off this piquant headline: "IN SPELLING BEE
VIRGINIA GIRL SITS ON 'POSTERIOR.' "
Remarkable operation reported in the Des Moines Trib
une: "They lengthened one leg several inches shorter than
his other." Although the Madison (N. C.) Weekly
Messenger is dated Thursday each week, it often doesn't
come out till Friday, which sometimes creates a dilemma.
192 TAKE IT FROM ME
As to how a Friday fire was recently handled in an issue
dated Thursday: "Fire Tomorrow at Hawkins." And the
story went on to say, "Tomorrow at 3:30 P.M. fire fighters
will go to Jack Hawkins's place where they'll find a big
barn in flames. A calf will have been burned to death and
the building will be nearly a total loss."
That was a good gag of a Texas editor recently making
a critic of his eat his words. Ye ed clipped a flock of his
editorials, reduced the newspaper to dextrin and glucose by
a chemical process and made the critic eat them as a slice
of cake — which really didn't taste so bad A recent
item in the Staunton (Va.) Leader read: "Dr. Beverly D.
Tucker, as bishop coadjutor of the Ohio diocese, will be
eligible for succession to the Bishop's position, with Wallace
Beery and Jackie Cooper in the costarring roles."
Public notice in the Tell City (Ind.) News: "If my shovel
isn't back by Tuesday, I will have the person I saw take it
arrested. Not just on account of taking my shovel but
anyone that will steal a shovel will take anything else he
can get hold of. MARTIN WOLF." (That's telling 'em,
Mart!)
A recent advertisement in a suburban weekly read: "Will
launder and stretch curtains and return them, if desired."
What could be fairer than that ? When a New York
store recently ran some misspelled words purposely in its
newspaper advertisements, the manager explained, "Oh, we
just did it for the hell of it."
When a citizen recently wrote a classified ad to appear
in the Peru (111.) News-Herald, offering $50 reward for the
return of his wife's pet cat, the clerk observed, "Isn't that a
rather big reward for a cat?" Replied the citizen, "Not in
PRESS PRATTLE 193
this case. You see, I drowned the cat." A recent
headline in the Athens (O.) Messenger read: "Woman Shot
by Deceased Is Recovering." It was about a man who shot
a woman and then killed himself
A columnist on a Philadelphia paper groups his brightest
comments under the modest heading: "Too Much For
Two Cents." A recent headline of the Poughkeepsie
(N. Y.) Eagle-News read: "7 Alcohol Bottles Found by
Dead Man." (Of course they meant "found beside dead
man," but space was tight.) A recent headline in
the Bloomington (111.) Pantagraph read: "Near Riot Flares
as Bloomers Split." The Bloomers is what the local ball
team is called and the riot happened when they split a
doubleheader
That was a friendly crack out of the London dailies made
about our Ambassador Kennedy's white tie and tails instead
of knee breeches at a court presentation. The Fleet Street
rag commented that our envoy, at the Buckingham palace
shindig, was "dressed like one of the less important servants"
(Deah! Deah!)
A symposium of crack newspapermen recently agreed
that the biggest DOMESTIC news event of the past century
in the U. S. was the drawing of draft numbers in the World
War, since it interested every family Recipe of the
late Arthur Brisbane: "You have written a good editorial
if your reader says, That is what I have thought a thousand
times.' "
As always: Fifty managing editors, queried as to the
10 biggest news stories of the year, all ranked the weather
in the list Here's how a New York newspaper
(the Sun) scored a tremendous beat on the outbreak of
194 TAKE IT FROM ME
yellow fever among the U. S. troops at Guantanamo, during
the Spanish-American war, despite rigid censorship: An
innocuous cable to the paper from its chief correspondent
read, "Everything O. K. with the Sun boys. Anderson
gone to Kingston. Lloyd is here. Carroll on yacht. JACK
OCHRE is with troops at Guantanamo. Richardson is in
camp." In the home office Jack Ochre was cleverly trans
lated to mean yellow jack (a nickname for yellow fever)
and that's all the editors wanted to know
U. S. newspaper chains pale into insignificance when
you consider 3 British groups who control 177 publications
in England, Scotland and Wales N. Y.'s leading
society editor gets $500 weekly salary, a better income than
some of the hoity-toits he writes about enjoy
Some rag: At one time in the 90'$, an obscure Montana
newspaper, the Anaconda Standard, used more linotype
machines than any N. Y. or Chicago paper. The sheet was
owned by Marcus Daly, the copper king, who spent dollars
like coppers
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 241 to 255
241. Are executions in the U. S. Army now performed by a firing
squad or how?
242. Where is the geographical center of continental U. S.?
243. Where is the population center of the U. S.?
244. Just how do you change the centigrade temperature into
Fahrenheit ?
245. Do U. S. ships of any kind have to pay tolls for going
through the Panama Canal?
246. Of how many karats is pure gold?
247. Of what do hailstones consist?
248. What food product is eaten more than any other in the
world today?
249. Can the President or Congress declare a legal holiday for
the U. S.?
250. Of how many guns does our national salute consist?
251. What is the difference between albumen and albumin?
252. How much of your bodily weight consists of water?
253. What is meant by the actor's term "milkman's matinee"?
254. What Harvard, Yale and Princeton men have been Presi
dents of the U. S.?
255. Is Niagara Falls a city by itself?
Answers on page 196.
195
196 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 241 to 255)
241. Not since before i8jo have executions in the U. S. Army
been performed by a firing squad. It's nowadays done by
hanging.
242. The geographical center of continental U. S. is in Kansas.
243. The center of U. S. population is in western Indiana.
244. You can change the centigrade temperature into Fahren
heit by multiplying by 9/5 and adding 32 to the product.
245. U. S. ships pay no toll when passing through the Panama
Canal.
246. Pure gold is 24 \arat and anything less than that indicates
that an alloy has been used.
2$]. Hailstones consist of alternate layers of snow and ice.
248. More rice is eaten today than any other food product in the
world.
249. There is no constitutional power for the Federal Govern
ment to declare a legal holiday except for the District of
Columbia.
250. Our national salute consists of one gun for each state, or
48 as of today.
251. Albumen is the white of an egg and albumin is a chemical
substance that is contained in many living tissues.
252. Water constitutes about two-thirds of the weight of your
body even though you're a violent anti-prohibitionist.
255. A vaudeville show that starts near the so-called supper hour
(around 6 p.m.) is known as the milkman's matinee.
254. Four Harvard men have been Presidents of the United
States, the two Adamses and the two Roosevelts; Princeton
has had two, Madison and Wilson; and Yale one, Taft.
255. Niagara Falls is a city of about 80,000 population.
27-
HOW IT ALL BEGAN, FROM LEFT TO RIGHT
REAL estate promoter: Eric the Red falsely named it
Greenland as an inducement to colonists from Ice
land to migrate there Genesis: The first press
agents in history were the avant couriers of the middle ages
who bragged how brave and bold their masters were just be
fore those jousting tournaments started. And a hand-down
of that custom is still pursued in Japan when a champion
wrestling match is to take place. The champion wrestler
makes a speech to the audience telling them how good he is
— and maybe he doesn't lay it on thick!
The Earl of Sandwich invented the thing that bears his
name because he was a card fiend and hated to take any
time off for eating. So he had to dope out some way to
eat meat without soiling his hands and messing up the cards
— so there you are Wall Street got its name from a
wall of cedar palisades built in lower N. Y. during an Indian
scare
Pioneers: The great Francis Bacon died from a chill con
tracted while stuffing a fowl with snow — one of the earliest
experiments in refrigeration The founder of the
Borden Milk Co., Gail Borden, got the idea of condensed
milk in 1851 when he crossed the Atlantic in a liner that
had to take cows along to furnish the passengers'
milk
197
198 TAKE IT FROM ME
Soda got its name from the fact that at one time it was
obtained by pouring certain acids on baking soda. But
nowadays it's obtained as a gaseous by-product of the fermen
tation process in the production of industrial alcohol
Christening: When samples of the substance we know as
rubber were first given to the British scientist, Priestley,
he found he could erase pencil marks by rubbing it over
them. Hence he termed the substance rubber
Origin: The tune of "The Star Spangled Banner" was
swiped from a folk song of the French province Brittany.
The monkey wrench gets its name from the fact
it was invented by a London blacksmith named Moncke —
pronounced "mun-ke."
It was James Madison and his charming wife Dolly who
established the custom of holding an inaugural ball in honor
of a new President U. S. postal money orders were
first issued in 1861 that the folks back home might send
funds to the Union soldiers during the War Between the
States
The word "blimp" crept into the language during the
World War when Britain classified her non-rigid airships
as the B-limp type. Eventually the hyphen was omitted.
Denim derives its name from the phrase "serge
de Nim," given the name of a textile made in the French
city of Nim.
The word "boudoir" is derived from the French
word "bouder," meaning to pout. In other words, a boudoir
originally was a place a woman scrammed to when she had
the sulks
The family name of the famed House of Rothschild was
Bauer. They derived their present name from the fact
HOW IT ALL BEGAN 199
that the original Mayer Bauer distinguished his little shop
in the Frankfort (Germany) Ghetto by a red shield — and
rothschild is German for that The word "bunkum"
got its place in the language 115 yrs. ago when a Southern
Solon, who continually tired out Congress with his windy
speeches, always announced he was speaking for "Buncombe
county, North Carolina." A young drug clerk, Isaac
E. Emerson of Baltimore, picked up a formula for a head
ache cure in the course of his work, marketed it under the
name of bromo seltzer and died leaving $40,000,000
Because of tradition, seven bells are never struck in the
British navy. That was the appointed time for mutiny on
an English ship in 1759. But the ship's officers got wind of
it and seven bells was never struck; nor has it struck on any
British naval vessel since The idea of placing halos
around the heads of statues (and later of oil paintings)
originated with the Greeks. They were not at first used to
denote divinity, however, but simply to protect the statue's
head from rain and lightning
Gin was originally called Geneva, a corruption of the
French word "genievre," meaning juniper berry, one of its
ingredients Limburger cheese is named in honor
of a town in Belgium — if you'd call it an honor
The expression "tickled to death" derives from an old
Chinese form of torture — tickling the soles of a victim's feet
until he went crazy or death ensued The English
word "pretty" is derived from the Anglo-Saxon word "preat-
tig," which meant tricky or sly
Origin: Cigar bands came about when Cuban ladies who
smoked cigars started wrapping narrow bands of paper
around them so their dainty fingers wouldn't get stained.
200 TAKE IT FROM ME
Not a Yankee idea: The first troupe of undressed
gals to play — and shock — America was an importation,
Lydia Thompson and Her British Blondes Noth
ing new under the sun: 'Way back in 1859 a scientist ad
vanced the theory that tobacco gives one a "lift."
Origin: The slang term "to get his goat" has been traced
back as far as 1585, when French wisecrackers used the
phrase "prendre sa chevre." The beautiful poin-
settia is named after our American Minister to Mexico,
1825-29, Joel R. Poinsett, who first brought the plant to this
country from there Origin : The idea for individual
safe deposit vaults was copped by a New York banker in the
i86o's from the method of keeping guests' valuables at the
New England hotel in Boston
Although it was spawned in Japan, the jinricksha was
invented by a European, Rev. M. B. Bailey, a Church of
England clergyman in the early 70'$ It's the little
things that count: The great mutiny in India, in which
100,000 lives were lost, all started with the British introduc
tion of a fat from pigs and cows for greasing of cartridges.
The native soldiers, outnumbering the British 5 to i, con
sidered that a curse and revolted They call 'em blue
laws because the book in which Connecticut's rigid statutes
were bound (and Connecticut was the original blue law
state) had blue covers
Good guess: In 1908, when banks in other cities refused
to finance a corporation that had acquired 10 or 20 small-
fry automobile companies, a group of Boston capitalists
advanced the money that finally put the organization on its
feet. The corporation was General Motors
When it comes to the odd name of that city in Washing-
HOW IT ALL BEGAN 201
ton state— Walla Walla— well, "walla" is the Indian expres
sion for "many waters," and the proud natives boast that the
original settlers liked the place so well they named it twice.
Chicken a la king gets its name from the fact it
was first prepared for King Edward VII of England, from
his own recipe
The Injuns nicknamed whiskey "firewater" not because
it tasted like fire when they swallowed it, but because when
whiskey was spilled over a fire, its alcoholic content caused a
blue flame to leap into the air When yrs. ago, scurvy
was prevalent in the British navy, lime juice was served as
a cure. That's when the British gobs (and later all Britons)
got the sobriquet of "limeys."
The word tobacco is derived from tobago which was an
Injun pipe The ancient Romans created the super
stition about seven years of bad luck for breaking a mirror
because they believed a human being's health changed
every seven years, and since the mirror reflected the health
and appearance of a person, to break it meant to break the
health line for seven years
Roquefort cheese was discovered 800 years ago when a
Frenchman left some cheese in a cave, forgot all about it
for some time, then returned to find it so much improved in
flavor that cheese has been ripened in caves ever since
If you've wondered about the origin of jitter-bugism,
you might like to know that the first jazz band started
getting hot in New Orleans in 1895. And billed itself "The
Razzy Dazzy Spasm Band." The name "John
Barleycorn" became a synonym for liquor because the best
beer is made from barley
Col. Martinet was a French army inspector. And so well
202 TAKE IT FROM ME
did he do his stuff that he left his name in the dictionary
as a synonym for a strict disciplinarian The word
"ballyhoo" comes from Ballyhooly, a village in Cork county,
Ireland, long famous for its party fights. And ballyhoo,
its contraction, at first meant to berate, not to boost
How a big-time college was born: In 1884, rich Gov.
Leland Stanford of California approached the then President
of Harvard, Dr. Charles W. Eliot, and asked this startling
question: "How much, Dr. Eliot, would it cost me to dupli
cate this Harvard University of yours on the Pacific Coast?"
Dr. Eliot quickly flashed the reply, "At least thirty million
dollars." Turning to Mrs. Stanford the Governor casually
remarked, "I guess we can afford that, can't we, mother?"
And then he founded Stanford University
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 256 to 270
256. Identify Frederick J. Noonan.
257. How long is a fathom?
258. Name the heaviest gas that is used in warfare.
259. Just what is meant by one horsepower?
260. What is gingivitis?
261. What are the three primary colors?
262. How many Presidents of the U. S. have died on the 4th of
July? And who were they?
263. Would it be possible to make the Panama Canal a sea-
level passageway?
264. In what language was the first Bible printed in America ?
265. Is the rank of commodore ever bestowed in the U. S. Navy ?
266. How many yards are there in a skein of yarn?
267. How many First Ladies of the Land have been produced
by Massachusetts?
268. What was the real name of the author of "Alice in Wonder
land"?
269. Is sterling silver composed solely of pure silver?
270. What is the singular of dice ?
Answers on page 204.
203
204 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 256 to 270)
256. Frederic^ J. Noonan was the navigator who disappeared
with Amelia Earhart.
257. Six feet equal one fathom.
258. The heaviest gas used in warfare is bromine, nearly six
times heavier than air, and that is why it rolls along close
to the ground when liberated by gas bombs in an attacJ^.
259. One horsepower is the amount of power required to raise
a weight of 35,000 pounds one foot in one minute.
260. Gingivitis is inflammation of the gums.
261. The three primary colors are red, yellow and blue.
262. Three Presidents of the United States have died on the qth
of July — John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and James D.
Madison.
265. // it were worth the huge sum it would cost, the Panama
Canal could be made into a sea-level passageway, but it is
more economical to use the locfo as they are now installed.
264. The first Bible printed in America was the Indian transla
tion made by John Eliot, printed in 1663.
265. The ran\ of commodore in the U. S. Navy was abolished
in 1899.
266. There are 256 yards in a s\ein of woolen yarn.
267. Only one First Lady of the Land was born in Massachusetts
— Mrs. John Adams.
268. Lewis Carroll was the nom de plume of "Alice in Won
derland's" author but his real name was Charles Lutwidge
Dodgson.
269. Sterling silver consists of 925 parts pure silver to 75 parts
copper.
270. The singular of dice is die.
28.
SCRAPS ABOUT SCHOOLS
EVERY yr. American colleges give out around $30,000,-
ooo worth of scholarships, with students at Columbia,
Harvard, Princeton, Penn., Swarthmore and Yale getting the
lion's share of them Recipe: Dean Gildersleeve,
eminent educationalist of Barnard College, Columbia's
femme appendage, advises her girl students that the best way
to prepare for exams is reading a detective story
Catching up: At Cairo, Egypt, a university which is older
than either Oxford or Cambridge ceased teaching only a
few yrs. ago that the earth is flat Here's smugness
for you: Oxford University calls itself "the world's greatest
institution of learning." Columbia Univ. reports
that law graduates annually are at the bottom of its employ
ment list, with only around 25 per cent of the law students
being offered positions on graduation
Proceeds from lotteries helped out such great institutions
as Harvard, Yale and Columbia in their early days
In a Wellesley College psychology class recently, girl stu
dents were shown on a screen, front and profile views of
four masculine faces, one of whom was a moron, another a
criminal, another a college professor and the fourth a police
man. They were asked to identify each as such. Nearly all
picked the policeman correctly, but a majority of the class
dubbed the college professor as a moron!
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206 TAKE IT FROM ME
The University of California, with 22,955, nas tne coun
try's largest enrolment of full-time students A
flock of colleges' regularly subscribe to those weekly services
dishing up the inside dope and dirj: from Washington.
The Big Three of American women's colleges,
from the standpoint of enrolment, are Hunter College, N. Y.,
Texas State College for Women and Smith College, in the
order named
The exhaustive research by Dr. F. C. Packard, Jr., professor
of public speaking at Harvard University, reveals that the
famed "Harvard accent" is actually brought to Cambridge
instead of being developed there. Voice recordings of an
entire freshman class of Cambridge, carried through an
nually up to and including the senior year, brought about
this startling conclusion
The late Justice Holmes of the U. S. Supreme Court once
observed, "After I get back to Boston it takes me several
days to realize that the reference 'the President' refers to
the President of Harvard and not to a minor official in Wash
ington." Britain's famed Oxford Univ. is not exclu
sively a stronghold for men. Four of its colleges are for
women students Pioneer: The first women's college
in the U. S. was Georgia Female College, now known as
Wesleyan, at Macon, Ga., founded 101 yrs. ago
A new wrinkle at the Univ. of Illinois is a course in ap
preciation of the movies. To pass the final exam, its mem
bers are asked questions on a dozen movies they've studied
during the preceding term In the good old days
at Harvard, slightly less than 300 yrs. ago, lecture classes
were from 5 to 9 A.M. and the remainder of the day was
spent in serious study
SCRAPS ABOUT SCHOOLS 207
High-pressure culture: A Cambridge, Mass., tutoring
school, which crams not-so-bright Harvard students with
sufficient data to pass courses, averages $1000 a day in gross
income while the university is in session Not a bad
idea: A noted educator suggests that pronunciation bees
would be even more helpful to both young and old than
spelling bees
Booked solid: The enrolment list of the fashionable Eton
school in England is already full until 1947 Smoke-
room statistics: A questionnaire answered by 200 members
of this year's Columbia Univ. graduating class listed "sex"
as their favorite topic of conversation After having
been fined for a traffic violation a i6-yr.-old N. Y. high school
lad piped up to the judge, "And now will you give me a note
to the teacher explaining why I'm late for school?" (Hiz-
zoner complied.)
Patriotism — with brakes : A recent survey of 4 large U. S.
universities reveals that only n per cent of the male
students feel it would be their duty to enlist unreservedly in
any war that Congress might declare The 2 richest
girls' colleges in the U. S. are Wellesley and Vassar, each
with an endowment of approximately $8,500,000. Which is
still pretty puny compared with Harvard's $130,000,000 and
Yale's $97,000,000
Lacrosse being the No. i sport of Johns Hopkins Univ.,
a squad of more than 300 turns out for it annually whereas
they're lucky to get 50 to 60 men competing for the varsity
baseball and football teams Not one in 100 col
lege men knows that the degree of S.T.D. means Doctor
of Sacred Theology Romance is in the air and so
the Princeton Tiger reports this fact: A student of that
208 TAKE IT FROM ME
university regularly wears a pair of pale green silk pajamas,
very exotic. Pressed for an explanation, he confessed,
"They're my girl's. She's at Vassar and I don't get to see her
much, so we exchanged pajamas to have some reminder of
each other." (Now there's a thought!)
The University of San Marcos in Peru is 87 years older
than Harvard Fortune observes that the Annapolis
naval academy is probably the only boarding school in the
nation whose inmates actually like the food served them
there A student at South Dakota State College, con
templating a course on typesetting, approached the pro
fessor and said, "I can typewrite, but I make a lot of mistakes.
Can you erase on a linotype?"
Dunno if Harvard graduates are the most prosperous of
all college men, but Harvard has the best supported alumni
fund of any American institution of higher learning
Smart Stanford University lads froze water in molds the size
of nickels and used the ice slugs to pay for their telephone
calls — until the phone company's collector found water in
the boxes instead of coins. They had to threaten to remove
all instruments from fraternity houses to call the boys
off
Just so the Dartmouth College lads will have no distraction,
the town's only movie theatre closes up tight during the
period for final exams Holdouts: Harvard and
Princeton are the only two major Eastern colleges that still
spurn the blandishments of heavy coin and refuse to have
their football games broadcast on commercial pro
grams
FAVORITE GAGS
HUSBAND: "Why, darling, I didn't make a sound when I
came in last night."
WIFE: "Nonsense, the noise woke me up."
HUSBAND: "Well, don't blame me. It was the three fellows
carrying me that made all the racket."
MOTORIST: "I had the right of way when this man ran into
me, yet you say I was to blame."
COP: "You certainly are."
MOTORIST: "Why?"
COP: "Because his father's the mayor, his brother's the chief
of police and I'm engaged to his sister."
HUNTER: "Hey, Bill!"
BILL: "Yeah?"
HUNTER: "Are you all right?"
BILL: "Sure."
HUNTER: "Then I've shot a bear."
SAILOR: "Don't bother me. I'm writing my girl."
MARINE: "But why are you writing so slowly?"
SAILOR: "She can't read very fast."
209
210 TAKE IT FROM ME
William, in what condition was Job at the end of his life ?"
asked the Sunday School Teacher.
"Dead," was William's calm and explicit reply.
FATHER: "Well, Son, you flunked that course again."
SON: "Well, what did you expect? They gave me the same
exam."
Willie, seriously ill, refused to take from his mother the
medicine the doctor ordered, whereupon she wailed, "Oh, my
darling boy will die!"
But Willie, from his sick bed, said gently, "Don't worry,
mother. Father will be home soon and he'll make me take it."
SHE: "How can you talk to me like that when I've given
you the best years of my life ?"
HE: "Yeah? And who made 'em the best years of your
life?"
SALESMAN: "Is your mother at home, my little man?"
SMALL BOY (playing in the yard) : "Yes, sir."
SALESMAN (after ringing doorbell): "Are you sure she's
home ? She doesn't answer my ring."
SMALL BOY: "I'm sure she's home, mister, but I don't think
she'll answer the bell till you reach our house four doors
down the street."
A Negro lad read this inscription on a tombstone: "Not
dead, but sleeping." Scratching his head, he remarked, "He
sho' ain't foolin' nobody but hisself ."
FAVORITE GAGS 211
The prospective juror pleaded they were very busy at the
railroad shop and he really ought to be there. "So," sneered
the judge, "you're one of those that think the Union Pacific
couldn't get along without you!"
"No, your honor," said the shopman, "I know it could get
along without me, but I don't want them to find out."
Snapped the judge, "Excused !"
This notice appeared in a country weekly: "Anyone found
near my chicken coop at night will be found there the next
morning."
29.
THE LAW
T TNDER common law you need at least 3 persons to have
^J a riot If you decide to put up a fence in Massa
chusetts, the property owner next door can be made to bear
half the expense. And the town official, called the fence
viewer, has the job of adjusting difficulties between owners
when they come to an impasse
The famed lie-detecting machine has no legal standing,
by which is meant that no defendant can be forced to submit
to a test of his truthfulness and then have the evidence used
against him in court A survey of U. S. jury awards
in recent yrs. shows that in various damage suits, as much
as $40,239 has been awarded for the loss of an eye and as little
as $1500 for the loss of the same organ
90 per cent discount: A N. Y. man who suffered from loss
of memory after an automobile smash forgot to go to his
own wedding, causing the bride-to-be to call the whole thing
permanently off, sued the accident insurance company for
$50,000 and collected a verdict of $5000 One of
Pennsylvania's blue laws prohibits an auctioneer from hand
ing out free drinks of liquor to stimulate the bidding
It's unlawful to carry a cane in Texas. But they don't pay
much attention to the statute Because its defini
tion of evolution was objectionable to the fundamentalists,
212
THE LAW 213
Webster's dictionary was once barred from the entire state of
Arkansas Under a screwy Rumanian election law,
a party getting 40 per cent of the vote is entitled to a 50 per
cent representation in the national parliament
Pigs is pigs, but: Pigs that are to be made into genuine
Smithfield hams are required by law to be "peanut-fed hogs
raised in the peanut belt of Virginia and North Caro
lina." A Manchester, England, judge ordered a man
to pay off $513 to a creditor at the rate of one shilling (25
cents) a month. Which means the debt will be all cleaned
up by the year 2108 A.D
No woman is allowed to give evidence in Hindu courts
of justice Good law: A city ordinance of Dunn,
N. C., prohibits a person's snoring so as to disturb his neigh
bors Erie, Pa., has a city ordinance forbidding any
one going to sleep while in a barber's chair
12 of the 48 states require the reading of a passage from the
Bible each day in the public schools, while n other states
specifically prohibit the reading of any Scriptures in the
public schools Ruling favorably on a citizen's right
to wear shorts in Yonkers, N. Y., the Court of Appeals
observed: "The Constitution still leaves some opportunity
for people to be foolish, if they desire."
In the civil court at Athens, Ga., is a deed recorded 117
years ago bequeathing the land on which a certain white oak
tree stands to the tree itself. It was in the will of Judge W. H.
Jackson, once Chief Justice of the Georgia Supreme
Court Observation by Bolton Hall, octogenarian
N. Y. attorney: "The law is a game played by us lawyers
under complicated rules made by ourselves for our own ben
efit — at the expense of our clients." (Double check.)
2i4 TAKE IT FROM ME
A decision of the Bermuda Supreme Court declares that
a woman is not a "person." But the jurists didn't go on from
there and define just what she is A motion to fix
the time at which to adjourn takes precedence over all others
under parliamentary law Sanitary, no end: A Los
Angeles city ordinance makes it unlawful for a meat market
customer to poke a turkey to see just how tender it is
We like that system of a Spokane jury which, to decide a
gambling case, took a slot machine and a quantity of nickels
into the jury room and played the thing. When the nickels
were exhausted, they came out with a verdict of
guilty A liberal Illinois regulation states an employe
of the liquor commission may enter a taproom only to inspect
the license. Then it's up to him to scram
A peculiar West Virginia liquor regulation forbids anyone
taking an alcoholic swig from a bottle in an alley. But it's
O. K. on a public thoroughfare Petticoat paradise:
The laws of the Bamba tribe in Rhodesia, Africa, require a
man, when he marries, to live with his wife's parents and
work for his father-in-law. The wife and her mother run
the whole shebang, totally ignoring Mr. Hubby
Sage observation by Fortune: "Previously, a law was a law
until it was overturned; now a law is not the law until all at
tempts to overturn it have failed." Fair enough: A
Hungarian law calls upon Gypsies to take a bath at least once
a month Distinction: The California resort city,
Ocean Park, has an ordinance legalizing draw poker, but
stud poker is beyond the pale of the law. . . . . .
A blue law never wiped off the statute books requires that
the sheriff, at any murder trial in Worcester county, Mass.,
shall wear a sword, tall silk hat and cutaway coat
THE LAW 215
Fair enough: It's agin the law to have a radio set turned on
after n P.M. or before 7 A.M. in Trinidad, South Amer
ica
Because a stenographer inserted just one extra comma in
a legislative act, it's illegal today to sleep in any hotel in
North Dakota. Because the law reads: "No hotel, restaurant,
dining room or kitchen shall be used as a sleeping or dressing
room by any employe or other person." (The comma
that gummed up the works occurs after the word
"hotel")
Indicted on two counts, assault with a pistol and illegal
possession of a pistol, in a Southern court, the defendant was
tried separately in each charge. The jury found him guilty
of the first and innocent of the second — in short, it found him
guilty of committing a crime with a deadly weapon which it
also found he had not in his possession Testament:
A will drawn in 2550 B.C. by an Egyptian citizen is cited as
the oldest on record. And so closely does it follow the legal
form of today, it could almost be probated now
No, my darling daughter: A city ordinance of Mammouth,
Ore., makes it unlawful for a young woman to enter an auto-
moble with a young man unless accompanied by a chap
eron
An act of Congress, still on the books, but never enforced,
is the one passed in 1856, providing for deductions from the
pay of any U. S. Senator or Representative who may be
absent from sessions on account of anything but illness.
Uncle Sam could save plenty of bucks per year if he thus
checked up on Congressmen playing hookey
Real estate given outright in a will doesn't pass through
an executor's hand, the will in such a case operating as a
216 TAKE IT FROM ME
deed Under English law, once a person is arrested,
no newspaper may make any comment about him until his
trial is over
Getting the matter straight: While, the Supreme Court
of the U. S. passes on the constitutionality of any law with
a federal application, it never does so until some person
objecting to the law violates it and thereby creates a test
case Fussy: A political party must have not more
than ii letters in its name to get on the ballot in
Ohio For your information: There's no law on any
statute book in this country requiring a witness to answer
either "yes" or "no" to a question, despite any attorney's
apoplectic insistence
FAVORITE QUESTIONS— AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 271 to 285
271. During what part of what two months are day and night
of equivalent duration all over the world?
272. Are any of the Great Lakes entirely within the United
States?
273. Which can be heard a farther distance, cannon fire or
thunder?
274. Who first said, "Lafayette, we are here"?
275. What are the maximum and minimum ages for becom
ing West Point cadets?
276. About how tall are giraffes on an average?
277. What is the largest battleship in the world?
278. What President of the U. S. was called the "Little Magi
cian"?
279. What President of the U. S. was named "Rough and
Ready"?
280. What fish swims backwards?
281. Who first called Ireland the "Emerald Isle"?
282. What planet comes nearest the earth?
283. What is the oldest public school in the United States?
284. Who founded the Girl Scouts?
285. What is a zebroid?
Answers on page 218.
217
2i8 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 271 to 285)
277. Toward the latter part of each March and September,
When the earth's axis is at right angles to the direction of
the sun, day and night are equivalent in length all over the
world.
272. LaJ(e Michigan is the only one of the Great La^es whose
area is wholly within the U. S.
273. Thunder cannot be heard unmistakably more than twenty
miles from the flash. On the other hand, cannon fire has
been heard as far as one hundred miles distant.
274. It was Col. Charles E. Stanton, filling in for General Per-
shing on a speaking date, who actually said "Lafayette, we
are here!"
275. By properly qualifying in other respects, one may become
a West Point cadet any time between his seventeenth and
twenty-second birthday.
276. The top height reached by a giraffe is 21 feet, but from
16 to 28 feet is pretty lofty for the average long nec\er.
277. The world's largest battleship is the British Navy's Hood,
42,000 tons.
278. President Martin Van Buren was called the "Little Magi
cian."
279. President Zachary Taylor was nicknamed "Rough and
Ready."
280. The squid, a relative of the octopus, swims backward.
281. In a boo\ of poems published in 1795, William Drennan
first called Ireland the "Emerald Isle."
282. Venus is the planet that comes nearest to the earth.
283. The oldest public school in the U. S. is Boston Latin,
founded more than joo years ago.
284. The Girl Scouts were founded in Savannah, Georgia, by
Juliette Low, a native of that city, in 1911.
285. A zebroid is a cross between a zebra and a horse.
JO.
THE GALS, GOD BLESS 'EM
LIFE in the old gals yet: Five American women past the
age of 50 hold licenses to pilot airplanes, the oldest
being Edith Clark of Santa Monica, Calif ...... Half
of U. S. feminine population is married by the age of
22 ...... Attorney General Bennett of N. Y. State ob
serves that women are the most successful swindlers — and
then goes on to add that they seldom swindle another woman
because it's so much easier to take over a trusting man ......
Summer's summarization of a life guard: Women swim
ming in the water are much more sensible than men. They're
minus the vanity that causes cocky males to swim farther
from shore than they're physically able and they refuse to
show off by going into deep water and ducking ...... A
survey of 400 recent cases of women embezzlers turned up the
fact that the great majority of them were married. And the
dangerous age of pilfering and being found out is 35
On the back of a blonde society woman's photograph sent
in to a midwestern newspaper was this note: "Please darken
hair, as the subject is now a brunette." ..... The weaker
sex: Although only one ex-President is still alive (Hoover),
the wives of six former Chief Executives still live a placid
existence ...... American women have been granted more
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220 TAKE IT FROM ME
than 15,000 patents on their inventions, among the most use
ful of which is the modern paper bag that one bright femme
thought up
An Indianapolis movie theatre tackled one problem by
periodically flashing on its screen this announcement: "Ladies
over 50 may wear hats; all others please remove them." And
wow! The female customers protested so vigorously that the
management promptly discarded the gag Trigger
minds: Because the plasticity of the female brain enables it
to assert itself on one side with more facility than the male
brain, there are far less femme stutterers in America than
masculine ones.
It's the leisure sex: It's estimated 65 per cent of all America's
bridge players are women It's estimated U. S. beauty
parlors give 40,000,000 permanent waves each year
Gallstone trouble occurs to women much more than to
men Despite heavy advertising outlays, they've
never been able to inveigle the women of Ireland in for cig
arette smoking
They're the same throughout the ages : In Queen Shub-ad's
tomb, built 5000 years ago in Samaria, was found a vanity
case containing a spoon for scooping rouge, a metal stick
for manicuring and a pair of eyebrow tweezers The
height of something or other (maybe it's nerve) is the New
York woman who's suing a movie theatre for the loss of a
pivot tooth, which came out when she bit the doorman's arm
in a row.
When subscribers on a telephone line at North Bay, On
tario, complained of someone constantly listening in, a trouble
shooter discovered the offender was an old lady who was
using the phone receiver as a darning egg to mend stock-
THE GALS, GOD BLESS 'EM 221
ings Ah, we thought so: Although women are sick
oftener than men, their illnesses are less important from the
standpoint of endangering life.
We thought it a lost art, but a recent survey reveals that
79 per cent of all American women do more or less
sewing 89 per cent of the adult female population
of the U. S. marries at least once Observation of
the veteran editor, Anna Steese Richardson: "American
women's primary interest is to get a man — and if not to keep
him, then to replace him with one more desirable." (You're
telling us, Mrs. R.?)
Aye, aye, madame: Many a Soviet ship sailing on the Baltic
sea these days has a woman for its captain Subtle but
effective: A custom still adhered to by the Mennonites who
inhabit eastern Pennsylvania is to paint their front gate blue
when a daughter becomes of marriageable age They
call 'em the weaker sex, but among the world's white races,
the ratio of deaths from heat prostration is 3 men to i
woman Scented cigarettes for women, once a big
seller, have virtually disappeared from the market today.
The femmes like the same brands as the males
When a romance in Turin, Italy, recently went busto, the
ex-fiance sued his sweetie for the entire cost of his courtship
and darned if the court didn't assess her $68 1. (They split up
because she found just before the wedding he wasn't as rich
as he'd pretended to be.) It was a woman, Sara
Hale, editor of the famed "Godey's Lady's Book," who really
put Thanksgiving Day over on a national basis. For years
she hounded four Presidents to issue a proclamation for
Thanksgiving to the country, but Fillmore, Pierce and
Buchanan turned her down. Abraham Lincoln finally gave
222 TAKE IT FROM ME
her the nod in 1863 and the November festival came into
its own
Fancy, we calls it: The beautiful queen of ancient Egypt,
Nefertiti, had her lower eyelids painted -green and her upper
ones black, while her fingernails, toenails and even the soles
of her feet were colored with an orange-red dye
Vanity by the ton: The average American woman uses 3 times
her weight in cosmetics during the course of her life
Girls make better pearl divers than men, larger lung
capacity being the reason Despite the gore they'll
witness, two women to one man, apply to be shown through
the slaughterhouse of a leading Chicago packing plant.
An educational survey showed that girls are superior
to boys in ability to remember in a related way the main
thoughts after reading a paragraph
Hope the wife doesn't see this, but here's what Mme
Schiaparelli says every woman should have in her wardrobe :
One fur coat, one tweed suit, a silk dress for afternoon wear,
at least four hats and as many more as she can afford, six
pairs of shoes and all the accessories to match. . . . * *
Another mystery solved: Women talk more than men
because their vocal cords are lighter and move more
easily The nimble sex: Women assemble most of
the speedometers built in the U. S. because the gals are
faster and more accurate with their hands A most
surprising survey reveals that a city-dwelling housewife
devotes more time to her home-making duties than a farmer's
wife. The urban gals turn in an average of 66 hours, 48
minutes of housework a week, compared with 63 hours,
32 minutes for the rural spouses
Twice as many women as men have migraine, which is a
THE GALS, GOD BLESS 'EM 223
fancy name for a sick headache Dexterous darlings :
The crack box office girlies of the de luxe movie theatres
can push out (and collect for) as many as 1600 tickets an
hour
In 14 states, a wife can legally be made to pay alimony
to an ex-husband. But the privilege is rarely invoked
Ladies prefer 'em, too: A New York service that supplies
male guides and escorts to lovely ladies, reports that calls
for blond youths exceed those for brunet lads by 2 to
i They may call 'em the weaker sex, but of
1,000,000 persons considered in an insurance survey, 30 had
lived to be 100 years old, and 21 of them were women
Leap Year all the time: In the Ukraine, it's the maidens
who do the active courting, even calling at the homes of
their boy friends for an evening's necking Dis
tinction: Only four women have ever had their faces
engraved on U. S. postage stamps: Martha Washington,
Pocahontas, Queen Isabella of Spain, and James McNeill
Whistler's mother. From time to time, other women have
appeared in scenes pictured on U. S. stamps, but they were
un-named
The Flighty Sex: After questioning 3,000 women, a
Columbia professor arrived at the conclusion that 98% of
them are influenced by some superstition or other
A woman in her thirties is three times as likely to die from
diphtheria as a man of the same age. Accounted for by
the fact that mothers, older sisters and nurses, in caring for
younger children attacked by diphtheria, catch it themselves
and die in larger numbers than the men folks
Surprise: Soviet scientists, after much survey, assure us
that, by and large, men's brains are not superior to
224 TAKE IT FROM ME
women's 60 per cent of American women use a
single brand of nail polish Cheerio statistic: A
survey of cases runing back 20 years, revealed that more
women commit suicide on Wednescjay than any other
day
Femmes beware: For no special reason the circus folks
have ever been able to discover, giraffes in captivity have an
intense dislike for all women When a woman runs
for President of the U. S., it won't exactly be a novelty. For
a woman has already run twice for that office: Belva
Lock wood, who tried for the White House in 1884, run
ning on the Equal Rights ticket, and again in 1888, with
like success
Buzz-buzz-buzz: If you've wondered what it is, a statis
tician brings in the report that women talk most about
clothes, with children 2nd, gossip 3rd, husbands 4th and
movies, bridge and weather 5th And while we're
tattling: Another statistician reports that a woman spends
i /6th of her life shopping for this and that
A French philosopher once said that women spend two-
thirds of their lives in waiting. First, she waits 18 or 20
years for a husband, then she waits for her children to come,
then she waits for them to grow up, then she waits till they
obtain husbands and wives, and after that she waits for
her grandchildren. (But of course she washes a few dishes
in between.)
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 286 to 300
286. Which is the harder, platinum or aluminum?
287. What is the longest river in the U. S.?
288. What is a defective verb?
289. What city within a 25-mile radius o£ New York City is
more densely populated than the metropolis itself?
290. What nation had more casualties than any. other during
the World War?
291. Which would weigh more, a cubic foot of ice or a cubic
foot of butter ?
292. What is the chief difference between battle cruisers and
battleships ?
293. If you had f 1000 in silver dollars, how much do you think
they'd weigh?
294. Which is the larger in area, Canada or Australia?
295. Who were the only brothers to sign the Declaration of
Independence ?
296. What President of the U. S. was called "Young Hickory"?
297. What is the correct position of the flag on its staff on
Memorial Day?
298. What falls in the U. S. are nearly ten times as high as
Niagara Falls?
299. How many different executive mansions have Presidents
of the U. S. occupied?
300. What is called the most beautiful monumental building in
the U.S.?
Answers on page 226.
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226 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 286 to 300)
286. Platinum is more than twice as hard as aluminum.
287. The Missouri is the longest river in the U. S., 2945 miles
against the Mississippi's 2486.
288. A defective verb is one which lac^s some of its principal
parts. Example: ought.
289. Jersey City, New Jersey, across the river, is more densely pop
ulated per square mile than New Yor\ city.
290. Russia had more casualties during the World War than
any other nation — 9,750,000.
297. A cubic foot of ice would weigh slightly more than a cubic
foot of butter.
292. Battle cruisers have high speed and the offensive power of
battleships, but to gain the speed their protective armor
is reduced.
293- If you nad $1000 in silver dollars they'd weigh 59 pounds
(about) .
294. Canada is larger than Australia by about 100,000 square
miles.
295. The only two brothers to sign the Declaration of Independ
ence were Richard and Francis Lee of Virginia.
296. President James K. Polf^ was %nown as "Young Hickory."
297. On Memorial Day the flag should fly at half staff until
noon and then be raised to the top until sunset.
298. Ribbon Falls in Yosemite Par\ are 1612 feet in height as
compared with the 767 feet drop of Niagara Falls.
299. Presidents of the U. S. have, in all, occupied four executive
mansions, two in New Yor\, one in Philadelphia, in which
George Washington lived during his two terms, and the
present White House.
joo. The National Capitol at Washington, D. C., is called the
most beautiful monumental building in the U. S., but the
Lincoln Memorial is not far behind.
BIG BUSINESS
FROM the thousands of sightseers who go to see the
Dionne Darlings, Mamma and Papa Dionne are re
puted to have run up a fortune of $75,000 from vending
souvenirs and the like We Americans spend
$1,700,000,000 a year just replacing the bulbs in our electric
lights
Age of specialization: An enterprising citizen of Coopers-
town, N. Y., still makes a neat living by supplying, at a
modest price, box tops, labels, wrappers, etc., enabling folks
who don't want to buy quantities of certain products to enter
merchandising contests A $5oo-a-year tax per unit
on chain stores, which many states propose, would actually
wipe out 40 per cent of the average chain's net annual profit
on a store
The superliners, Normandie and Queen Mary, have to
earn more than $4,000,000 cash each year to keep out of red
ink The R. R.'s of the U. S. employ more men than
the steel and automotive industries combined The
third largest stock exchange in North America, in point of
shares traded, is the Toronto exchange, which ranks right
after N. Y.'s Big Board and the N. Y. Curb
The spirited march "Stars and Stripes Forever" reputedly
made its composer, John Philip Sousa, $250,000
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228 TAKE IT FROM ME
Negroes of the U. S. are currently operating 15 banks and 41
insurance companies And it wasn't worth it: It
cost the U. S. $1,000,000 an hour to participate in the World
War In the interests of safety 'for its workers, the
U. S. Steel Corp. has spent $25,000,000 in the last 29 years.
But they figure it was well spent, that it saved $117,000,000
in accidents prevented and claims avoided
Phooey to new-fangled notions and modern office equip
ment, says the rich and powerful First National Bank of
N. Y. It requires all its officers to sit at those old-fashioned
roll-top desks By-product : Thanks to chemistry, the
seeds of the U. S. cotton crop which once were useless now
have a value of $200,000,000 a yr. from the cotton-seed oil that
goes into soaps, candles, cooking preparations, etc
You can't work for the Lannom Mfg. Co. of Grinnell, la.,
unless you save part of your salary. A $75-a-month man, for
instance, must live on $50 a month and put the remainder
in the savings bank — or else The nation's lowest
commercial broadcasting rate is offered by a small station
in Dublin, Tex.— -5 minutes of time for 75 cts. or a whole
hour for 5 bucks
You can spend as much as $50,000 for a single aerial
camera Expensive blueprints: Just the plans of a
modern battleship cost from $75,000 to $150,000
Horn of Plenty: Father Divine, Harlem's "God," is reputed
on high authority to have disbursed funds at the rate of
$1,500,000 a yr. in the past 3 annums Idleness in
dustry: The pool parlors and bowling alleys of the U. S.
take in around $45,000,000 a yr
Not only weatherwise but financially is March lamb
like. For a Wall Street survey shows that in the past 20 yrs.
BIG BUSINESS 229
that month has seen declines in N. Y. stock exchange prices
50 per cent more often than rises Less than 10 per
cent of the U. S. retail establishments are chain stores, but
they do about 42 per cent of the business
Windfall from the air: Americans spend approximately
$425,000 a day for electricity to operate their radio sets
Concentration: A single Detroit motor plant employs more
aliens than there are Americans working in all the factories
of Europe One of the most compact sales organiza
tions in the world is that of the St. Joseph Lead Co., which,
with one sales mgr. and 2 assts., sells $50,000,000 worth of
metal in any average yr.
Doubling the U. S. standard : You aren't rated in the mil
lionaire class in Gt. Britain unless you have an annual in
come of at least $100,000 To keep its various plants
in the Detroit area running, General Motors foots an elec
tricity bill of around $10,000 a day The wear and
tear on Uncle Sam's metal money amounts to about $7,000,000
a yr., representing the difference between the face value of
the coins returned and the amount the coins produce in new
coins after being melted down and reminted
It costs around $20,000 a yr. to give the White House a
thorough cleaning Although the $10,000 bill is sup
posed to be tops, Uncle Sam also prints $100,000 bills, but
they're gold certificates used exclusively in transactions be
tween the U. S. Treasury and the Federal Reserve
Banks
To collegians home on vacation: No matter what high
marks you get in college courses, you'd better have some
extra-curricular activity, too. Because when talent scouts for
the big corporations eye the records of potential employes,
230 TAKE IT FROM ME
they regard with suspicion anyone, however lofty his marks,
who has no interests outside the classroom
Philadelphia's finest cinema temple, the Mastbaum, built
about 10 years ago at a cost of $5,000,000, was torn down
recently to make room for a parking lot. . ».vv* Czecho
slovakia got a start with its tremendous shoe manufacturing
industry when a canny Czech, an adventurer, took a plane
to India and started spreading propaganda that persuaded
the Hindus to wear shoes after centuries of barefootedness.
In a jiffy it opened a huge virgin market The
Interstate Commerce Commission requires every railroad to
send it a monthly or annual report on freight train perform
ance, passenger train performance, yard service, revenue
traffic, fuel and power for locomotives, car equipment, rev
enues and expenses, number of employes, service and com
pensation, accidents, hours of service, automatic train control
performance, locomotive inspection and repair, assignment
of engines and a vast number of income and balance sheet
items. (Are you listening?). . . .v.
Look, girls : The marcel wave is named in honor of its in
ventor, Marcel Grateau. And he started in charging only one
franc (then worth gl/2 cents) for his waves. But when he got
famous he tilted the price as high as $275 — ouch!
Research shows that in department stores doing from
$2,000,000 to $5,000,000 annual gross business, the corset de
partment, in relation to sales, is usually the most profitable
one in the store
The customary royalty a land owner receives when oil is
struck on his property is % the value of the black gold
pumped out of it The leading bank of Pikeville,
Ky., a mountain town of 4000, starts the day's grind with a
BIG BUSINESS 231
hymn and a Bible reading and then, throughout the day,
soft music is played through amplifiers all over the place.
But it's still just as tough as any other bank to raise a
loan Vanity statistic: To keep his hair cut and
his face shaved and smelling pretty, the American male
spends $30,000,000 a year more than the American femme
spends in beauty parlors
Mouthful: The actual name of Phila.'s largest bank is
the Pennsylvania Company for Insurance on Lives and
Granting Annuities To catch the public's fancy: In
the course of a single yr., the nation's largest cracker mfr.
will try out as many as 150 new brands of cracker and dis
card as many more
That problem of distribution: It requires more men to
handle N. Y. City's daily milk supply than are employed on
all the farms that the milk comes from The Big
Three among U. S. soap makers control 78 per cent of the
nation's business in that line. Some 400 other mfrs. whack
up the remaining 22 per cent among them
Up-and-down item: The cost of running the various ele
vators in N. Y.'s Rockefeller Centre runs to $10,000 a
wk Analysis — by a great firm of industrial engi
neers: Most gentlemen's agreements fail because 60 per cent
of the agreers are not gentlemen, 30 per cent just act like
gentlemen and 10 per cent neither act like nor are gentle
men
For every $22 it takes in from retail sales, the average
dept. store spends $i on its window displays Com
mercial rivals though they are, the great French brandy
firms of Hennessey and Martel once a wk. let the rival
company open and inspect all their mail — just so they can
232 TAKE IT FROM ME
check on each other's doings and show there's no skull
duggery in violation of their trade agreements
Sideline: The R. C. A. bldg. in Radio City, N. Y., takes
in around $80,000 a yr. as admissions from visitors seeking
a view from the top Blot on the escutcheon:
American industry spends more than $75,000,000 a yr. on
strikebreakers, union spies and the weapons and ammunition
used in labor conflicts Calling all margin: One
of the greatest of stock market nosedives was made by
Deere & Co., farm implement manufacturers, which skidded
from an all-time high of $790 a share in 1930 to the equivalent
of $3.50 a share in 1932
Experts in retail merchandising estimate 60 per cent of
their feminine customers and 40 per cent of all customers
buy goods on impulse. Which is why such things as
trinkets, handbags, toilet goods, etc. are known in the trade
as impulse items On an average banking day, the
nation's largest, Chase National of New York, collects a
total of 370,000 checks with a total value of $250,000,-
ooo
The largest single real estate mortgage in the U. S. is
one for $44,300,000 on the Radio City, New York, group
of buildings, held by the world's largest life insurance
company
FAVORITE GAGS
JUDGE: "Well, Sam, I see you're back in court for fighting
with your wife. Liquor again ?"
SAM: "No, sah, Jedge; she licked me dis time."
The old farmer looked moodily at the recent ravages of a
flood. "Hiram," yelled a neighbor, "your pigs were all
washed down the creek."
"How about Flaherty's pigs?" asked the farmer.
"They're gone, too."
"AndLarsen's?"
"Yes, he lost his."
"Humph!" ejaculated the old farmer, "tain't as bad as I
thought!"
PARSON: "My friend, I'se got a call to another church."
DEACON: "How much does you-all git?"
PARSON: "Three hundred dollahs."
DEACON: "Parson, you-all hasn't got a call, you'se got a
raise."
"We shall make our permanent residence at the Old
Manse," said the bride to the newspaper man. Whereupon
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the reporter wrote in his story: "When they return from
their honeymoon the newlyweds will reside with the bride's
father."
SANDY (to employer) : "I've been around here 10 years, sir,
doing three men's work for one man's pay and now I want
a raise."
ANGUS: "I canna gie ye that, but if ye'll tell me the names of
the ither two men, I'll fire 'em."
A defense attorney in a Pennsylvania drunken driving case
asked the arresting policeman, "But if a man is on his hands
and knees in the middle of the road, does that prove he was
drunk?"
Replied the cop, "No, sir; it does not. But this one was
trying to roll up the white line."
The British actor Barrett once asked a group of workmen
decorating his home how they'd like to see his play. They
said they would and he provided them all with passes for a
Monday night. At the end of the week, going over the pay
roll of his estate, the actor saw this entry on one man's bill :
"Monday night, 4 hours overtime at Princess theatre, 8
shillings."
SCIENCE FOR AVERAGE CITIZENS
SO sensitive to weather variations is brass that a one-inch
bar of it will expand as much as a io,ooo,oooth of an inch
for every rise of one degree in temperature Over
in Holland the canny Dutch scientists are now making glass
from potatoes So flexible is pure platinum that it
can be drawn into a wire with a thickness of only ioo,oooth
of an inch. And 2 ounces of platinum could thus be drawn
out to encircle the globe
But folks still try 'em: The seven so-called follies of science
are the duplication of the cube, quadrature of the circle,
trisection of the angle, transmutation of metals, fixation of
mercury, perpetual motion and the elixir of life
Kilowatt Bill Klem: A Texas genius has just patented a
robot baseball umpire which never calls them wrong. Photo
electric cells, arranged for vertical and horizontal beams,
form a strike zone in front of each batter, adjustable to his
height. When a baseball from the pitcher penetrates this
zone, it's a strike; if it fails to, it's a ball
Diamonds can be completely burned in oxygen of a high
temperature — and a pure diamond will leave no ash what
soever Although virtually all chemical elements ex
pand when melted, bismuth behaves like water and contracts
in volume Dust may take the shine off your car
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236 TAKE IT FROM ME
and your shoes, but without it there'd be no life here on
earth. For there'd be no rain, and consequently no water,
except for grains of dust in the air which precipitate as rain,
with a speck in the centre of each raindrop
Eureka long delayed : Luther Burbank grew 65,000 hybrid
bushes before his patience was rewarded and he managed to
grow a white blackberry Cycle: Every 23 yrs. we
start having the same succession of weather conditions all
over again
Using high-pitched musical notes, a scientist of the Univ.
of Penn. medical school has aged whiskey in 7 hours as
effectively as 4 yrs. in wood would make it. And with
similar vibrations he has sterilized milk Back 39
yrs. ago when Madame Curie discovered radium, she named
it "polonium" in honor of her native Poland, but the term
didn't stick
A hurricane may last for days, but even the most lingering
tornado is usually over within an hour. It seems sort
of fantastic, but most odors have weight. By which is meant
that the sensation of nearly all odors is caused by tiny particles
of a substance contacting the olfactory organs of the nose,
such particles having escaped from a volatile substance by
evaporation. And these particles do have weight, however
infinitesimal Due to the effect of centrifugal force,
an object at the equator loses i-289th of its weight
Two identical whistles sounded together don't make a
noise twice as loud as one, but a combined sound only
three decibels louder than one whistle. Thus, if each whistle
makes a 50-decibel sound, the two together will give a
sound of only 53 decibels Description: Some sci
entists call cosmic rays the death rattle of dying stars
SCIENCE FOR AVERAGE CITIZENS 237
Good for the long pull: A five-cent balloon, filled with
hydrogen by the chemistry class in a Quebec high school,
and released in the air with a return tag tied to it, was picked
up six weeks later in Singapore, 13,000 miles away
If the earth were represented by a single grain of salt in
N. Y. City, the nearest star, in proportion to size and distance
away, would be represented by a 6-inch globe in Juneau,
Alaska. (Or do you get the idea?)
Swish: A single lightning bolt has 5 times the horse
power of all the power plants in the U. S It's not
the force of the lightning itself, but the expansion of steam
from the water they've absorbed that cause wood to splinter
and rocks to shatter when struck by a lightning bolt
The longest possible duration of a total eclipse of the sun is 7
minutes, 31 seconds. But so far as science knows, a total
eclipse of that length has never occurred
Light particles setting out from distant stars toward the
earth in many cases finally get tired and quit without reach
ing us, a Notre Dame scientist reports. Gosh, they're al
most human A radio signal from London to N. Y.
will not only travel westerly, but will also go around the
world in an easterly direction from London. The direct
signal, having a much shorter distance to travel, will reach
N. Y. first, with the reverse-path signal, traveling farther,
arriving slightly later and producing a sort of echo
Trick of the month: You'd have hardly believed your own
eyes if you could have witnessed a recent experiment in
London when a big slice of raw beefsteak was frozen in the
middle of an ice cake, then radio short waves turned on and
the beefsteak cooked to a turn — while still enclosed in the
block of ice Although mighty radium's strongest
238 TAKE IT FROM ME
emanations can penetrate only a fraction of an inch of lead,
those lively cosmic rays can easily dance right through a
foot-thick layer of that metal and keep on going
Most of the stars of the Milky Way are so distant from us
that the light we may see from them tonight started coming
toward the earth in the year 6000 B.C We call 'em
shooting stars: When it enters the earth's atmosphere, from
50 to 75 miles above the ground, a meteorite generates so
much friction sweeping through the air that it gets heated
and lights up
The wages of speed: If an aviator making 400 miles an
hour in one of those naval planes should stick his hand
out, it would be blown back violently enough to break his
wrist. At that velocity, pressure on his hand would be 70
pounds to the sq. inch
There is virtually no pure radium existent in the world
today Solar system in one lump: If all the known
stars of the universe were brought together and packed
closely, they'd occupy a space the size of a cube measuring
60,000,000,000 miles each way
Lost, strayed or stolen: When the de Vico comet was
discovered in 1844, tne astronomers computed that it would
continue to show up every 5l/2 years. But instead, after its
first visible appearance, it swung its 5,ooo,ooo-mile tail off the
estimated orbit, dashed off into space and has never been
seen since Soothsayer: The first man in world
history to predict an eclipse was the Greek philosopher
Thales, who back in 585 B.C. called the shot on an eclipse
of the sun. The closest he came was naming the year in
which it would occur, but that still made him a scientific
hero. .
SCIENCE FOR AVERAGE CITIZENS 239
The way science rates the feeble-minded, an idiot has an
intelligence quotient of from zero to 20, an imbecile from 20
to 50 and a moron from 50 to 70. And when you get above
that mark, you're almost bright Because of the
earth's rotation, smoke rising from a camp fire will always
revolve counterclockwise
Science has determined that the length of a lightning bolt
varies from il/2 to 4.7 miles Scientifically, the sweet
potato doesn't belong to the potato family at all, but is a
member — can you beat it? — of the morning glory family.
The British scientist Faraday discovered the basic
principle of the electric generator when he got a reaction
by thrusting a magnet inside a wire coil. And then, having
made this important discovery, he didn't know to what
practical use to put it— and his idea lay dormant for months.
The word "gas" is really a simplified "ghost."
When Van Helmont discovered he was able to produce
spirit by distillation of various fuels he named it
"geist."
The Mt. Wilson observatory has a photo-electric photom
eter so delicate that the instrument can measure the heat
of a candle burning 2000 miles away. It's used to measure
the brightness and color of stars It's still just
around the corner, but more than half a century ago, 1884,
one Paul Nipkow applied to Uncle Sam for a basic patent
covering television
It's the caffein citrate, an alkaloid, in your coffee and tea
that tends to keep you awake Science asserts that
when one of the 5 senses is being used, the others are, at
the same time, being stimulated. Thus, your vision will be
improved if music is played and incense burned while your
240 TAKE IT FROM ME
eyes are concentrated on reading. All of which may be so
(who are we to asperse science?) but a radio blaring while
we're reading drives us nerts
During its brief life, a 20,000 volt spark of electricity is
50 per cent hotter than the sun and 100 times as
bright Atmospherical analysis: The air you breathe
is composed of i/5th oxygen by volume, 3/4ths nitrogen,
i /2500th carbon dioxide, and a variable portion of water
vapor Neighbor: The star nearest the earth is still
25,300,000,000,000,000 miles away
Buzzing in the dark: They've just discovered where
mosquitoes go in the winter time. Thousands of them were
recently captured by college researchers in Tennessee caves,
where earth heat protects 'em till warm weather comes
along Your geometry to the contrary, a curved
line on a chart, drawn on a Mercator projection represents
the shortest distance between 2 points on the earth's sur
face If you don't believe it, count 'em: The
Milky Way contains approximately 30,000,000,000 fixed
stars
The mean temperature on the planet Pluto is 380 degrees
below zero. (We'll say it's mean.) A pint of
Sirius, the star, would weigh 50,000 pounds. For that star
is denser than any metal or stone — and is neither solid nor
liquid, but pure gas Such is modern science that
a strand of glass can now be spun out until it has i/20th
the thickness of a human hair. ,
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 301 to 315
301. Could a Mohammedan become President of the U. S.?
302. What two famous French authors were partly of Negro
blood?
303. Is it illegal to destroy a U. S. coin?
304. Just how can a fly walk upside down on a ceiling?
305. What is a manuscript U?
306. Can the President of the U. S. be put under arrest for any
cause whatsoever during his term of office?
307. Are the Atlantic and Pacific oceans of the same average
levels?
308. Is there any basis of fact in that celebrated poem, "The
Charge of the Light Brigade"?
309. When was the Declaration of Independence first read to
the people of Philadelphia ?
310. What is the approximate distance between Africa and
Europe ?
311. On his voyage to discover America in 1492, how many
days did Columbus sail before sighting land over here?
312. What is the only state in the Union that has never voted
Republican in a national election since the Civil War?
313. What is the proper disposition for worn-out American
flags?
314. Can an ice boat sail faster than the wind that propels it?
315. Since its inception has the Government of the U. S. ever
been entirely debt-free and if so, when?
Answers on pages 242 and 243.
241
242 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 301 to 315)
307. Since the Constitution says no religious test shall be re
quired as a qualification to any office, a Mohammedan
could be President of the U. S. provided he fulfilled all
other qualifications.
302. Alexandre Dumas the elder was of one-fourth, and Dumas
the younger one-eighth, Negro blood.
joj. // is illegal to deface a U. S. coin but there is no federal law
against the total destruction of a coin by its possessor.
304. Membranous pads on a fly's feet secrete a sticky, viscous
fluid which enables that insect to wal\ upside down on a
smooth surface.
305. When a capital V is used for a U // is known as the manu
script U.
306. Technically, the President of the U. S. cannot be placed
under arrest for any crime or misdemeanor during his term
of office. He has to be impeached by Congress.
$oj. At one end of the Panama Canal the Pacific Ocean is on
an average 8 inches higher than the Atlantic Ocean level
on the other end.
jo5. A tragic incident in the Crimean War inspired the poem
about the Charge of the Light Brigade.
309. // wasn't until July 8, 7776, that the people of Philadelphia
were summoned to listen to the first reading of the Declara
tion of Independence.
310. The width of the strait between the southernmost point of
Spain and Africa is 8l/2 miles.
3/7. On his first voyage to America, Columbus sailed for seventy
days before sighting land.
572. The only state which has never gone Republican in a
national election since the Civil War is Georgia.
313. The Government disposes of its worn U. S. flags by burn
ing them.
FAVORITE QUESTIONS-AND ANSWERS 243
3/4. An ice boat can sail faster than the wind that propels it;
sometimes it can travel twice as fast.
3/5. For two years — from January i, 1835, to January i, 1837 —
the federal treasury had funds on hand sufficient to meet
its outstanding indebtedness to the U. S. Government.
33-
FISCAL FACTS
IT'S easier to predict an upturn in Wall Street than a
decline. Anyway, analysts of the market trends for the
leading brokerage houses have a group batting average of
85 per cent right for prophesying a financial upbeat, but
only 75 per cent for calling the shot on market declines.
Tut-tut, mere bagatelle: During the War between
the States, Abraham Lincoln was down in the dumps plenty
when the national debt reached $2,845,907,626
All the gold in the world at present would form a cube of
33% feet and weigh about 22,238 tons Of last
year's receipts of $1,671,800 for the Springfield, O., post
office $1,236,800 was paid by the Crowell Pub. Co., which
prints a group of magazines in that town
Rate of exchange: The shekel of gold, often mentioned in
the Bible, was worth about $8 in our money today; the
silver shekel, about 50 cts Thrifty: Although New
England has only 6l/2 per cent of the nation's population,
more than 30 per cent of the country's savings deposits are
in N. E. banks
Nest egg: The Gulf Oil Co., controlled by the Mellon
family, has rolled up $375,000,000 in earnings since it was
founded 30 yrs. ago
The saintly directors of the N. Y. Curb Exchange refuse
244
FISCAL FACTS 245
to list the stock of any corporation engaged in operating a
pari-mutuel horse-racing track. (Gosh, that would be close
to gambling!)
Practically pin money: The father of the present J. P.
Morgan, on his death in 1913 left his son $19,000,000, which
would seem pretty small to the Whitney family, which in
herited $200,000,000 from Payne Whitney and $140,000,000
from Harry P. Whitney A tabulation reveals the
U. S. had 27 millionaires before the War between the
States; 2348 just before the World War; 5526 just after the
world conflict; and 14,818 in 1929. But some of the latter
are now doubtless living on welfare
When they closed their books on the fiscal year, nearly
every London newspaper found its 1937 profits had been
hacked into by the heavy extra expense incurred in print
ing special issues during the coronation ceremonies
Reputedly the oldest savings bank account in the U. S.
is one of $15 deposited in a N. Y. institution in 1819.
Interest has increased it to $3450 today The 3 rarest
animals in the world's jungles (and therefore the most
valuable for zoos) are the giant panda, the okapi and bongo,
each of which will fetch $20,000 a copy on the auction
block
Out of $5,000,000 worth of checks a leading N. Y. hotel
cashes for guests in the course of a yr., it averages only
$2000 worth that bounce The good old days: The
Rockefeller family's investments in the various Standard
Oil companies alone, at their 1929 highs, were worth
$1,100,000,000 Mustn't touch: If you drop a chip on
the floor of the Monte Carlo casino you're not allowed to
pick it up
246 TAKE IT FROM ME
Benevolence: Whenever a member of the N, Y. stock ex
change dies, all surviving members kick in with $15 each
to the deceased member's estate, regardless of how rich he
is. In the aggregate, the gift amounts to better than $20,-
ooo Discrepancy: A diamond may be worth from
850 to $12,000 a carat, a ruby from $10 to $15,000 a carat, and
an emerald from 10 cts. to $10,000
The interest from $9,000,000 left by the inventor of
dynamite pays for those Nobel prizes High cost of
carelessness: The American Petroleum Institute estimates
that if every carburetor in the U. S. automobile were properly
adjusted, American motorists would save $250,000,000 a yr.
in gasoline bills Discoveries in Canada recently
of radium deposits have depressed the world price of that
precious element from $70,000 to $30,000 a gram
You can get a private pullman car made to your order for
around $90,000
Since their legalization, Florida's slot machines have
gleaned an average of $60,000,000 a yr. from hopeful
suckers All the gold mined in the world since
Columbus discovered America would amount to (at $35 an
ounce) about $41,850,000,000 — or just enough to pay our
national debt with a little change left over. . . . .V,
The $200,000 worth of tungsten used in making a year's
supply of incandescent electric light bulbs for the U. S. re
sults in a saving of more than $350,000,000 in our annual
electric bills The world's most powerful telescope
(that one of the 2oo-inch lens being set up on Mt. Palomar,
Calif.) will represent an investment of $6,000,000 before it
starts functioning sometime in 1940
More than $25,000,000 worth of United States coins are
FISCAL FACTS 247
in circulation in foreign countries In the heyday
of its career, 1920 to 1925, the Ku Klux Klan took in
$90,000,000 from the booboisie in dues, for regalia,
etc Burden: Every second of the day and night,
the railroads of the U. S. pay $9.45 in federal, state, county
and municipal taxes
Monopoly: More than 99^ per cent of all bond sales in
the U. S. are made on the floor of the N. Y. stock ex
change Although no expense was spared to make
it a first class fighting ship, the original cost of the frigate
Constitution (Old Ironsides) was only $302,718. Nowadays
a good battleship sets Uncle Sam back about $25,000,000
or more
It isn't much to worry about, but a postal money order
becomes invalid if not presented for payment within one
year from the last day of the month in which it was issued.
And you'd be surprised how much money Uncle Sam makes
by that rule Bargain: The United States made the
Louisiana Purchase at the rate of 4^ an acre A
billion dollars in $i bills, laid end to end, would stretch
around the world 46 times. (And if we had that many,
that's about the number of times we'd go around the
world.)
Despite things are booming, it's estimated that $1,000,000,-
ooo worth of Uncle Sam's currency is still being hoarded,
chiefly in the larger denominations Transferring
$6,000,000,000 of gold bullion from New York and Philadel
phia to the government's new stronghold at Fort Knox,
Kentucky, was done by the P. O. department at the special
rate of $100,000 for the job — a tremendous bargain
It's the little things that count: $i placed at 4 per cent
248 TAKE IT FROM ME
compound interest in the year i A.D. would amount to ap
proximately $600,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to
day — a nice little nest-egg for someone Inter
national country club: The dues for belbnging to the League
of Nations amount to around $9,000,000 a year
Chief industry: Reno, Nevada, figures its divorce mill
brings about $2,000,000 a year into the town that would be
spent elsewhere Pilfering at random, shoplifters
take $10,000,000 worth of goods each year out of American
retail stores The yearly sugar bill of us Americans
nowadays is likely to average about $698,000,000
One road to riches: Obtaining the property by foreclosure
of a $420,000 loan on it, John D. Rockefeller later sold it
to U. S. Steel for $79,000,000 worth of their securities
Things were cheaper in the old days: All the Napoleonic
wars, lasting from 1790 to 1815, cost slightly more than
$3,000,000,000. Whereas the direct cost of the World War
was about $186,000,000,000 — and we hate to think of the
bill for another major world fracas
FAVORITE QUESTIONS— AND ANSWERS
QUESTIONS 316 to 330
316. Did any or all of the U. S. Presidents who have been
assassinated die instantly? .
317. What are the only countries having Emperors today?
318. Which foot of the rabbit is the only one that's supposed to
be lucky?
What is the proper way for a woman to salute the flag?
What nation once used platinum coins?
On what day does Canada celebrate Armistice Day?
What two words do you suppose are most often used in
telephone conversations in the U. S.?
323. Have diamonds ever actually been mined anywhere in the
United States?
324. Who first spanned the Atlantic Ocean in an airplane?
325. How many cubic inches are there in one gallon ?
326. About how much does a gallon of pure water weigh?
327. Which country is the more populous, Argentina or Brazil?
328. What does the abbreviation "ign." mean?
329. How many broadcasting stations do you guess there are
in the U. S. right now?
330. What does Mardi Gras mean when translated into English ?
Answers on page 250.
249
250 TAKE IT FROM ME
ANSWERS (to Questions 316 to 330)
316. Lincoln died the day after he was shot, Garfield lingered
for ten wee\s, and McKinley lasted eight days before
succumbing.
3/7. The only countries having Emperors today are Japan,
British India, Italy and Manchu^uo.
318. It is only the left hind foot of the rabbit that's supposed to
be lucty.
319. The proper way for a woman to salute the flag is to place
her right hand over her heart.
320. Between 1828 and 1845 Russia put into circulation $1,250,000
worth of platinum coins.
321. In Canada, Armistice Day is celebrated on the Monday of
the wee\ in which 'November nth jails.
322. The two words used more often in the U. S. telephone con
versations are I and You.
323. Arkansas is the only state in the Union where diamonds
have actually been mined.
324. The first spanning of the Atlantic by airplane was achieved
by Lt. Comdr. A. C. Reid and a crew of 5 in the U. S. Naval
plane NC~4, in May 1919, with a stop en route at the
Azores.
525. There are 251 cubic inches to one gallon.
526. A gallon of pure water weighs 8.345 pounds.
327. Argentina's approximate population is 13,000,000; Brazil's
31,000,000.
328. The abbreviation "ign." (for ignotus) means unknown.
329. There are approximately 730 broadcasting stations in
the U. S.
330. Mardi Gras is French for "fat Tuesday."
34
HISTORY HIGHLIGHTS
GETTING the matter straight: The pass at Thermopy
lae, famed in ancient Greek history, was defended
not by a mere 400 men, as the legend has it, but by a force of
from 7000 to 12,000, which makes their brave feat slightly
less thrilling Historic: The first words ever writ
ten on a typewriter were, "C. Latham Sholes, September,
1867" — tapped out by its inventor.
The long arm of coincidence: In 1832, when the Black
Hawk war was raging, a young army officer named Jefferson
Davis, who was later to become President of the Con
federacy, gave the oath of allegiance to young soldiers at
Dixon, 111., and among them was a gangling fellow named
Abraham Lincoln, who was destined to be President of the
United States when the Confederate States seceded and
Davis became their President
Historic check-up: What Longfellow never mentioned in
his poem is that just before Paul Revere got to Concord on
his famous midnight ride, a small group of British soldiers
halted him and took away his horse. Paul had to walk the
rest of the way. (And that's backed up by notations in
his own handwriting, presently owned by the Massachusetts
Historical Society.) Whether he intended starting
an "Uncle Tom's Cabin" show or not we dunno, but on
351
252 TAKE IT FROM ME
that 1492 trip to America, Columbus brought about 20
bloodhounds along with him
Debacle: Napoleon started out to conquer Russia with
500,000 picked troops and staggered back to France with.
a mere handful of 22,000 History in the changing:
But for a leak in a boat, Mayflower descendants might now
be sharing honors with Speedwell descendants. For the
boat Speedwell would have carried half the Pilgrims who
came to Plymouth in the Mayflower in 1620 if it hadn't
sprung a leak shortly after leaving Southampton, Eng.
Both ships repaired to Plymouth, Eng., where the Speedwell's
passengers transferred to the more seaworthy craft and
the Mayflower sailed alone to these shores
As you might expect, old Benjamin Franklin was the first
person to cook with an electric stove Before B.C. —
Before Cables: It took 48 days for news of Cornwallis' sur
render at Yorktown to reach London — and even then it
was only an unauthenticated rumor The philoso
pher Aristotle, equipped with one of mankind's greatest
brains, always preached that the brain's chief function was
to cool the human body's warm blood to the proper tempera
ture
Cheerio note: The depression that followed the War
between the States didn't end till 14 yrs. afterward
Of so little interest were the American colonies to the
British that the story of the Declaration of Independence,
6 lines long, was tucked under a theatrical notice in that
great organ of the Tories, the London Morning Post
Versatile Paul Revere made the boilers for the world's
first steamboat, Robert Fulton's Clermont Some
thing Uncle Sam has overlooked: The first year of her reign
HISTORY HIGHLIGHTS 253
in England, Queen Elizabeth had a law passed taxing beards
that had grown for more than two weeks at the rate of 4
shillings a year
Distinction: Nicholas Brakespeare, elected in 1154, was
the only English Pope Over-rated: The famed Bos
ton Massacre resulted in the death of only 5 persons and
injuries to 6 — and probably wouldn't have created a ripple
in the newspapers today Premiere: The first wire
less distress signal at sea was sent out in January 1909, when
the White Star liner Republic collided with the Florida off
Nantucket
Hate to take away credit from the women folks but
Francis Hopkinson of Phila. is generally credited with hav
ing designed Old Glory, not Betsy Ross When the
Revolutionary War was successfully ended, Congress or
dered all continental troops discharged, with the exception
of only 80 soldiers to guard the public stores Mem
bers of the Supreme Court of U. S. used to wear wigs on the
bench till Thomas Jefferson kidded them out of the
idea
Turning point: At one stage of the War between the States,
Ulysses S. Grant had packed his belongings and was on the
verge of going home because, as he told Gen. William
Tecumseh Sherman, he felt he was only in the way. Sher
man had a tough job persuading him to stick
Cornwallis didn't surrender to Washington at Yorktown in
person. It was Gen. O'Hara (!) acting for Cornwallis, who
surrendered his superior's sword to Gen. Lincoln, who had
been designated by Washington to receive it
Shortly after the signing of the Declaration of Independ
ence, the British Crown put a price of $2500 on the head
254 TAKE IT FROM ME
of each patriot who had scrawled his name on the docu
ment This nation would be known simply (and
officially) as the States of America if it hadn't been for Benj.
Franklin. He insisted that the adjective "united," with a
capital U, be added and thus it became incorporated in all
official documents
Part of the state of Colorado was once the state of Jef
ferson, from 1859 to 1861 N. Y. was the only one
of the original colonies not to vote for independence in
1776 Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation didn't
free all the slaves in the U. S. Those in West Virginia and
some parts of Louisiana were excepted
The bankers' friend: When money lenders in ancient
Rome waxed too greedy, Julius Caesar finally fixed a legal
interest rate at 6 per cent When eyeglasses first
came into use in Europe, nobody thought of attaching them
to the ears for support. Instead, the early models were held
in place by 2 small gadgets that gripped the wearer's tem
ples
Distinction: The first living being to make a flight in a
lighter-than-air craft was a dog. In 1783, two Frenchmen,
the Montgolfier brothers, filled a large cloth bag with hot
air and let it loose in the air with Fido as a passenger.
When balloon and dog shortly returned to earth in safety,
it encouraged one of their friends, Mons. Rosier, to try it
and be the first human being to take flight in the atmos
phere
Only 2 men signed the Declaration of Independence on
July 4, 1776 — John Hancock and Charles Thompson. The
other delegates to the congress didn't affix their signatures
till Aug. 2 of that year
In 585 B.C., while the ancient Medes and Lydians were en-
HISTORY HIGHLIGHTS 255
gaged in a terrific battle, a total eclipse of the sun took
place. It so frightened the soldiers on both sides, that they
threw down their arms and fled the battlefield and peace
was signed before the day was over.
Better late than never: Gen. Andrew Jackson, in com
mand of the American forces in the War of 1812, didn't
know a peace treaty between the U. S. and Gt. Britain
had been signed on Dec. 24, 1814, until 26 days afterward —
and then he found it out from a paragraph in a London
newspaper that turned up in Mobile, Ala., nearly a month
later
The conquest of Peru in 1532 was a cinch for Pizarro, who
accomplished the coup with only 177 men, less than half
of whom were mounted No. i man: The first
pirate on the Atlantic seaboard was Dixie Bull. He got
busy in 1632 and looted Pemaquid, Me Getting the
matter straight: President Monroe, who promulgated the
document, gets his name on it in history, but John Quincy
Adams, his Sec. of State, actually thought up and worked
out the famed Monroe Doctrine
Its composer, Francis Scott Key, didn't christen it "The
Star Spangled Banner." Its more prosaic name, when first
written, was "The Defense of Fort McHenry."
Besides horseback riding and silversmithing, Paul Revere
did a little dentistry on the side. He advertised that he fixed
teeth "in such a manner they are not only an Ornament,
but of real use in Speaking and Eating."
Taxicabs loaded with soldiers saved Paris in the first battle
of the Marne, you may remember, but it wasn't the first
time such a trick was worked. In our war of 1812, when
the British threatened Washington, D. C., United States
sailors on ships at Philadelphia were loaded into stage-
256 TAKE IT FROM ME
coaches and rushed south, too late to save the national
capital, but just in time to repulse the subsequent attack
on Baltimore. And if they hadn't arrived, Francis Scott
Key wouldn't have had any Star Spangled Banner to write
about
David and Goliath stuff: Spain, which ruled half the
world from 1567 to 1684, came to her downfall when she
picked a war with Holland, then one of the smallest
European nations Still, he finished what he started:
It'll surprise most patriots to know that George Washington,
when he took command of the Continental Army in Cam
bridge, Mass., wrote that he "abhorred the idea of inde
pendence" for the American Colonies
Monument: The remains of the enemy's fleet, which the
U. S. Navy destroyed in the Spanish-American War, can
still be seen on the coast of Cuba, west of Santiago
Getting down to basic facts : The box-score shows Germany
won the celebrated battle of Jutland, losing only one battle
cruiser, one dreadnaught, four light cruisers and five
destroyers. But — the British retained control of the sea, the
loss of which would probably have meant the loss of the
World War
The so-called Father of the American Navy, John Paul
Jones, joined up with the Russian Navy as a Rear Admiral
right after the Revolutionary War, but later quit and
returned to France, where he died One-fight ships
were the Monitor and Merrimac; for after their single
celebrated battle during the War Between the States, the
Monitor foundered at sea, while being towed to Charleston,
S. G, and the Merrimac was destroyed by the Confederates
when they abandoned Norfolk, Va
Nothing new under the sun: A pyramid recently un-
HISTORY HIGHLIGHTS 257
covered south of Cairo, Egypt, proves that the tourists were
scrawling their names on walls as far back as 6000 years
ago The famed Whiskey Rebellion of 1791 was
inspired by a government tax of only 7^ on all hard stuff.
Today the federal slug is $2 a gallon — and no rebellion.
During the California gold rush of 1849, tne
quickest trip there from N. Y. city consumed 141 days.
Today you can reach there in under 16 hours by
plane
The lowdown: That naval battle in which Lawrence got
ofi his immortal command, "Dont give up the ship," lasted
only 15 minutes — and his subordinates did give up the ship
to the British
Heroine: It was Dolly Madison herself who saved the
original of the Declaration of Independence and a portrait
of George Washington just before the British invaded and
burned the White House in the war of 1812 Payoff:
Each of the 88 men who sailed on his America-discovering
expedition got $29 for the trip. Christopher's cut for the
epochal voyage was $320. And the entire expense of the
argosy was $7,250 — and well worth it
Warfare in the old days: In the midst of the Battle of
Manila Bay, Admiral Dewey temporarily withdrew the
American ships at 7:30 in the morning to give the crews
their breakfasts, and then returned to the fray
Sesame: When Admiral Perry and his U. S. fleet opened up
Japan to world trade in 1854, ne achieved the miracle by
giving high Japanese officials, among other things, toy trains
on circular tracks. The toys pleased the high Nipponese
officials immensely and smoothed the way for Perry's subse
quent international trade agreement
FAVORITE GAGS
Dorothy, attending church the first time, was surprised
to see the people all about her kneel suddenly and turned
to her mother to ask what they were doing.
"Hush, darling," said Mumsie, "they're going to say their
prayers."
"What!" piped Dorothy, "with all their clothes on?"
Said the kind old gentleman to the little newsie who
carried a heavy load of newspapers under his arm, "Don't
those papers make you tired, little man?"
"Naw," replied the kid, "I don't read 'em."
NEWLYWED WIFE: "Don't you think I put too much salt in
the soup, dear?"
HUSBAND: "Not at all, darling. There's perhaps not quite
enough soup for the salt, but that's all."
TEACHER: "Harold, if there were n sheep in a field and six
of them jumped over a fence, how many would there be
left?"
HAROLD: "None."
TEACHER: "Oh, yes, there would."
HAROLD: "No, ma'am, there wouldn't. You may know
arithmetic, but you don't know sheep."
258
FAVORITE GAGS 259
WOMAN DRIVER: "Can you fix this fender so my husband
will never know I bent it?"
GARAGE MECHANIC: "No. But I can fix it so you can ask
him in a couple of days how he bent it."
When the great Henry Ward Beecher was once told he
used poor grammar in a sermon, he replied : "Did I ? Well,
all I have to say is God help grammar if it gets in my way
when I'm preaching."
CIRCUS OWNER: "Where's the Human Fly today?"
RINGMASTER: "He's in the hospital. His wife swatted
him."
COP (shaking hobo on park bench): "Wake up there;
wake up!"
HOBO: "Can't."
COP: "Why not?"
HOBO: "I ain't sleeping."
WIFE: "Where have you been all evening?"
HUSBAND: "At the office."
WIFE: "Then you must be made of asbestos. Your office
building burned down three hours ago."
LONG-WINDED PROFESSOR: "If I have talked too long, it's be
cause I haven't a watch with me and there isn't a clock in
the hall."
STUDENT: "Yes, but there's a calendar behind you."
35-
ODDS AND ENDS
TT THEN those volatile Frenchies decide nothing but
V V a duel can satisfy their honor, do they use guns like
those toted by American bandits? Don't be silly. Their
duelling tools are usually old-fashioned, muzzle-loading
weapons and the seconds take good care that only light
charges of powder are put in them. Sometimes the bullet
hasn't enough velocity to break an egg
A distraught citizen explained to the Louisville federal
income tax bureau just why he couldn't pay his $7.40 as
sessment thus: "My salary was $400 a month. Somebody
got my job, the finance company took my car, the bank
took my home, my wife took the furniture and somebody
took my wife. All I have left is my health and education
and I'd be glad to work out the bill in your depart
ment.",
For 50 years in the ipth century, Dr. James Barry was an
eminent British medico, serving a brilliant stretch as In
spector General of Hospitals for the British Army. On Dr.
Barry's death, the autopsy revealed "he" was a woman whose
sex had been concealed successfully throughout "his" life.
.... Up in Alaska, a Father Llorento advised a class of
young missionaries never to bring up the subject of hell's
fire to the Eskimos. "When the first preachers told them
260
ODDS AND ENDS 261
about hell," the dominie warned, "the Eskimos expressed
a desire to go there to keep warm."
The cultivation of cotton by white men in the U. S. dates
back to 1821 when cotton seeds were brought to America
from Siam and planted in Talbot county, Maryland. But
they were planted only for the ornamental value of the
flower — raising cotton being farthest from their mind.
A mad bull closes its eyes when it rushes at an ob
ject of its wrath, which makes it easier for a person to
dodge
Change of mind: Lanny Ross, of the movies and air
waves, studied for three years at the Columbia Law School,
but he has never picked up a law book since On a
road in which there are no hills to climb or descend, a
tired horse has no chance to rest one set of muscles while
another works, so long stretches of level highway aren't
the boon to Dobbin you might think
Communists may be interested to know that 2 French
men, back in 1885, wrote the words and music of their So
viet hymn, the "Internationale." The fingerprints
of leprosy victims change constantly The modern
way: To wham over a sales message, a Newark, N. J., ad
vertising man dispatched a two-page folder to hundreds of
prospects. The first page contained an actual slice of
boloney, wrapped in cellophane, with the caption: "This is
boloney." The second page was captioned, "This is not" —
and contained the sales message
From a recent blotter of the Phoenix, Ariz., police de
partment: "12:08 P.M. — Officer wanted at 727 Moreland
Street to investigate suspicious character who has been sit
ting on curb all morning. Officers Slaughter and Spain dis-
262 TAKE IT FROM ME
patched on call. Report by officers: 'Man is O.K. Works
for PWA; "
A veteran and articulate citizen of Audubon, la., hasn't
uttered a voluntary word in the past 50 years. It seems that
when his bride-to-be deserted him at the altar in 1887, he
vowed he'd never speak till she returned. She never did.
Oh yes, and he's worn his wedding suit to church every
Sunday since
Federal agents who raided a counterfeiting plant of a
negro, Andrew Dickson, for making spurious silver dollars
found he'd been gypping himself — he'd been putting more
silver in his phoney coins than the govt. in its good ones.
In the course of an ordinary 6-man bowling match
lasting about two hours, the busy pin-boy will have picked
up some 30 tons of maple pins
This ingenuous advertisement just appeared in a trade
weekly: "Situation wanted. Age 23. College grad, but hard
worker." If the U. S. ever split up its territory
equally, each of us would have 18 acres. (We'll take ours
in downtown N. Y.) When it's noontime in
N. Y. City, it's 3 A.M. the next day in Sydney, Aus
tralia
Aviators have reported condors soaring at a height of
22,000 ft. above the Andes mountains, which is probably
the greatest height at which birds fly When John
D. Rockefeller, Jr., instructed a N. Y. dealer in second hand
books to get him a certain obscure hymnal, with expense
no object, the honest book dealer went through his stock,
found the desired volume on his shelf of lo-cent items,
sent it pronto to J. D. R., Jr. — and charged him only a
dime. ,
ODDS AND ENDS 263
The real motto of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police is
in French and means, "Maintain the right." (They scorn
"They always get their man.") Distinction: There's
only one piece of furniture existent that is positively known
to be the personal handiwork of the ace cabinet maker,
Sheraton
A taxpayer's paradise is Newfoundland, where no taxes
whatsoever are collected except customs duties, which sup
ply all needed revenue The kisser, a stringed
musical instrument played in Central Africa, is made from
a human skull plus the horns of a gazelle You can't
reverse the charge of a U. S. telephone call to Scotland —
or to any other country overseas What we call
chain stores here are known as multiple shops over in Eng
land
Reward : Eli Whitney, who invented the cotton gin, which
should have made millions, went broke trying to protect
his valuable patents. He recouped his fortune only by mak
ing guns for the U. S. Army
Price list: The manufacturers of counterfeit money usually
sell their stuff to the middle men and distributors at n cents
on the dollar. And the ultimate passers of phoney currency
pay from 25 to 35 cents per $i for it 90 per cent of
all the payments made in the U. S. are by check, currency
and coin accounting for only 10 per cent of the total vol
ume
i4th man: Boston's famed Parker House has as part of
its equipment a clothing dummy to be placed at a banquet
table when only 13 are present. He has a name, too —
McTavish Finklestein To get a $20 to feo-a-wk.
job with the public library board of erudite Boston, one
264 TAKE IT FROM ME
must take an examination testing his knowledge of litera
ture, music, fine arts, history, science, technology, philoso
phy, psychology, religion and the social sciences. (Better
stick to digging ditches.)
Prison patois: A bank is called a "big top." The Supreme
Court is "the big boy." A judge is a "Blackstone." To hide
away until things blow over is "Waiting for the moon to
go down." A burglar alarm is a "bug." Forging is called
"paper-hanging." And the death house is "the dance
hall."
Insomnia by appointment: A rather exacting post is that
of Patriarch of the Coptic church, residing in Alexandria,
Egypt, who has to be waked up every 15 minutes, night or
day, whenever he falls off to sleep v
A spelling test given New York public school teachers
revealed they have the toughest time spelling such words
as irascible, plebiscite, dirigible, mementoes, incorrigible,
hockey, cellar, gauge and ecstasy. (We had a tough time
typing that item ourself.) You may be inclined to
doubt it — and we don't blame you — but three-quarters of
the world's population uses soap
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