^^Chicago, Chicago,
That toddlin, town,
toddlin' town , . /^'^
*From the song "Chicago" by
Fred Fisher, copyright, 1949,
by Fred Fisher Miisic Co., Inc.
THAT TODDLIN' TOWN
A ROWDY BURLESQUE OF CHICAGO
MANNERS AND MORALS
BY
HUGH M. HEFNER
CHI PUBLISHERS, CHICAGO
Dedicated to a wife named Millie,
my soul mate and sole support
Copyright, 1951, by Hugh M. Hefner
1922 N. New England Ave., Chicago 35
All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, must
not be reproduced in any form without permission
FIRST PRINTING
Printed in the United States of America by -^
Stamats Publishing Company, Cedar Rapids, la. ^
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CHICAGO ... The Loop, Michi-
gan Avenue, "The World's Greatest
Newspaper" . . . Maxwell Street, North
Clark, Skid Row . . . B-girls, burlesque,
the syndicate. Here is that rowdy, big
shouldered, wonderful town in broad
caricature ... a humorous poke at its
institutions, its culture, its sex life . . .
THE TOURIST
" Chica go! — It's exactly as I ituagined it!"
THE TOURIST
.ft.'^TATE STJ^rKT
/ /
/
/
"Vve really been looking forward to this chance
to see the Wind y City!"
THE EASTERNER
m 1
''You're really far more civilized out here than I
realized. I notice some of your neivstands
actually carry 'The New Yorker'."
THE EL
6kWJ/'PJi5
THE EL
UNION STATION
^^^^(j><
'He's out to prove you can go through
Chicago without changing trains!"
MICHIGAN AVENUE
TWO SENSATIONAL H<T5
)PEN CITY"& "PAISAN" ^
If.T ,,,,'ffl
MICHIGAN AVENUE
"They're taken care of.
NORTH AVENUE BEACH
nv^^
"''^^''^f==^^/^^^:
'Darling, you're different
r"
"THE WORLD'S
GREATEST NEWSPAPER"
^'The Colonel's in a helluva mood!! Little Orphan
Annie got off a comment in this morning's edition
that could easily be construed as pro-Defnocrat!"
SOUTH STATE STREET
''And what's more, I don't think you really
are Dr. Kinsey!"
MAXWELL STREET
'Don't take my word for how good this suit is
— Ask my partner!"
MAXWELL STREET
FiFI e
FORTUNES TOC0
"You ain't got much of a future, mister — but
for another five, Madame Fifi can make
your present pretty nice!"
WEST MADISON STREET
7 couldn't take those off, honey! — It'd make
the show indecent!"
WEST MADISON STREET
"She's outa step with the music."
THE LOOP
^7 do ivish Claudia C as sidy had let me like it.
I thought it was awfully good."
THE LOOP
bUKtfto
GlRLS*i
"Joey ain't interested. — He's got a sister.'
THE LOOP
'Mmm — ]ust like ] at her used to make I"
THE LOOP
<@<
"Shall I leave the sideburns, sir?"
THE LOOP
u4
THE LOOP
"Now here comes an mteresting couple.
THE LOOP
'Would it be worth my time and money
to buy yon a drink?"
THE LOOP
"IJm always enjoys a game of chance.
THE LOOP
M^^i?^*^
7 wonder what you'd use for bait?!
i»
GRANT PARK
MUSEUM OF
NATURAL HISTORY
THE ART INSTITUTE
m^.
'i-zfA ,,
ffT
'Man — is she stacked^'
THE BAND SHELL
''We're listening to the music. What d'ya
think we're doitig?!"
LINCOLN PARK ZOO
'7/ hasn't been easy — fUling the
gap left by Bushman."
WRIGLEY FIELD
"Start chewing, men — here comes the boss."
COMISKEY PARK
RIVERVIEW
T^TfiSfT^'
''You'll usually jiud the Air Force ou the roller coasters,
the paratroopers on the parachutes, and the
sailors all over the whole damn park!
,f>*
COMISKEY PARK
RIVERVIEW
"You'll usually fiiid the Air Force on the roller coasters,
the paratroopers on the parachutes, and the
sailors all over the whole damn park]
.V*
THE ARAGON
'Td ask you to sit this out, but I'm a lousy
conversationalist too."
THE FOURTH ESTATE
/
/
MAN
DECAPITATES
WIFE
BtooOV PICTURES P. II
TOINTMESON-TlMES
AX MURDER
CONTEST
StE PAGE 3
I!
/
T^k r«^x< <M«>\.| «CMlw*^ *»-f
xva..**)- *'nAf ^»»t* i^-***.
^HlCAGO^jLY NEWS l«* 1
HUSBAND SEVERS RELA'
f TIQNS WITH WIFE
j^^| l^vUU^ f^Tgg»
/
mb^
(Heral^^ *S^^^^ *^^^ "2^
MONSTER HACKS
NUDE TORSO
WITH AX!!!
AOMJTS FAVaWHG
VlVlStCTION
HtU
?CItjtcaso5**^^^S CTrtlmttftSi
MIOWESTERMERPUTS
END TO SPOUSES PRO-
BRITISH RANTING S
couLO NOT Tolerate
LeAWtNG5, CoKFE55eS
HU56AN0.
«aui
^45 Chicago's dailies tuight handle a
husband-wife ax murder.
UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO
"And please don't call me ^comrade' in class,
Miss Liipchek. Save it for the meetings"
HOUSING
"You'll like this apartiuent. It's stark modern
simple and jmictiojial!"
POLITICS
^'Do you think deff/nudif/g a clea}i-up is a very good
idea ubeii it's me who's riuiuDig for re-election?"
THE SYNDICATE
"Fn? here on a tip there's a tie-in between some of
the banking and gambling interests of the city."
THE SYNDICATE
'All this is just ci jroiit: I got a bookie joi?it
iu the back!"
THE SYNDICATE
" ' Ixfia y o psca y' looks good in the sixth?!! Never
heard of him! What's his number?!"
THE SYNDICATE
"The raid's off, men! — The Captain's
hit the jackpot!"
THE CONVENTIONEERS
«]|7^// _ / threw the toilet paper out
the ivindow! — Now what?!"
THE CONVENTIONEERS
"Uh — /*;;/ ajraid you have the wrong room.'*
NORTH CLARK STREET
"What tie need is some little gimmick
to give the place class!
.Iff
NORTH CLARK STREET
'Ya said ya ivanted a dress like that doll was
uearin', so I got ya the dress, so shut up!"
NORTH CLARK STREET
'How do you expect to attract any business
serving a lousy drink like this?!"
THE TRANSIENT
''Well — 1 could take ya to one on Wabash,
hut the) usually expect luggage."
BUG HOUSE SQUARE
"// that free love stnfj ever catches on, you and well
be back on the assembly line at Vuited Cau."
BUG HOUSE SQUARE
'7 ain*t advocatui' nothing lady. Vm just a little guy.
that's tired of lookiu' up at people all the time."
SOUTH HALSTED
"He says he's a love child, but I say he's a bastard!"
SKID ROW
''How about a dime fey a cuppa coffee?"
SKID ROW
"// ya want quality, go to the Puf?/p Room,
Here at Sick's, we stress q//autity!"
SKID ROW
J /;'
"Man — that's what I call a drink !"
•PB-7200-5-SB
R/T
LAKE MICHIGAN
''So I sez to him, 'Kosaloivski, are you tellin' me
how to butcher a ho ^?! — / wuz cuttin^ the
insides outa pigs before you.\ .\^^'''vC ^1
All the people and places in this book,
including the City of Chicago, are
obviously fictitious, and any similarity
to real people or places is entirely
because it was planned that way.
UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS-URBANA
741.5H361T C001
THAT TOODLIN' TOWN: A ROWDY BURLESQUE OF
30112
025320414
