THE BEAT WITHIN ' A WEEI
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t~l CllO wonderful Beat writers, readers and fans. Once again, as we
do every week, we're bringing you this knock-out publication of writing
from the warehoused in juvenile halls and beyond, and once again, we
are so proud to be associated with this unique publication. Each week
we type and respond to our young writers who fill our pages, sometimes
with childish dreams of riches — dreams that require ignoring the
circumstances in which they write; sometimes with unaccustomed
thoughts that reveal a mind in transition from childhood to adulthood;
and sometimes with profound depth of insight and knowledge that make
us shake our heads in wonder at the amount of human talent that is so
easy to overlook. Even after more than thirteen years of weekly Beats,
we are still blown away by what you produce every single week. The
Beat Within is truly a treasure.
So, what would your lives be like without this treasure? We want all
of our Beat family to think about that question. What would your world
be like without The Beat? We're not on the verge of collapse, so don't
panic, but the economic disaster our country (and world) are confronting
right now does affect The Beat. (The economic collapse we are facing
comes from our crushingly expensive wars in Iraq and Afghanistan;
some of you deeper thinkers will be able to see a connection between
the devastating effects these wars have had on our economy, and the
devastating effects the street wars have had on your lives...)
Like other non-profit organizations, we need to face this economic
downturn and make some changes, if we are to thrive. If we don't make
these changes, we could lose the whole project, which is why we asked
you to consider what your world would be like if you didn't have The
Beat in it. We know what our world would be like — gray, ordinary,
unexciting. We'd have to go back to 9 to 5 jobs (if we could find any) ,
and it would be like climbing down off a mountaintop and having to
adjust to life at the bottom. We would hate it!
We have already gone over with you some of the changes we plan
to make in order to continue publishing The Beat. But it never hurts
to drive the point home, because things aren't getting better out there,
and this is nothing we have any control over. Either we make some
changes, or we will be crushed. The Beat's biggest expense is in the
amount of paper we use to print enough issues to give to all our writers,
plus anyone who asks for a subscription. But cutting down on that
mailing, we can save a substantial amount of money, so that's our first
economy. We will, of course, continue giving out Beats in the workshops
for all who write something that's serious enough to be in The Beat, but
we will not be sending Beats out in the mail any more, except for those
(mostly prisoners) who write a piece for publication, and want to see the
issue it was printed in.
It may be that the hardest part for our workshop writers is the
phrase, "write something that's serious enough to be in The Beat." Until
now, we have been very generous with what we publish. Although we
work long hours putting this magazine out each week, we've noticed a
large number of Beat writers who put in almost no effort or thought or
tim e into what they write. Instead, they just put down a few sentences
so that they can get The Beat to take to their rooms. That kind of writing
is now a thing of the past, at least as far as being published in The
Beat is concerned. We will not publish any more two- or three- sentence
pieces because there's no way you can say anything worthwhile in
just three sentences. But even if you write more than three sentences,
you will still have to spit some knowledge, say something serious, be
thoughtful, to be in The Beat. We have seen so many pieces that require
no thought on your part, pieces that usually begin, "I want outta here
so I can go back to the block and do me..." Yes, we know you want out
of here, but that kind of statement teaches nothing, and The Beat is
about teaching something. So you writers who have relied on a lazy
line or two that tells us what we already know, you will find your pieces
missing from The Beat. Of course, the kind of pieces that were never
appropriate — love letters, threats, graphic descriptions of violence that
you try to justify, hate pieces, and pieces holding your set or 'hood up —
are still not appropriate, and we'll probably be even stricter on keeping
those kinds of pieces out of The Beat.
While we're trying to trim the budget at one end, we're also trying
to increase our income at the other end. We have been meeting with
various people in the community about how to increase The Beat's
visibility, how to reach out to individual donors as well as foundations
which give money to non-profits like The Beat, people who believe in
what we (you) are doing and want to support it. We are developing a
number of public events to expose The Beat to new people and groups,
and, of course, we are extending The Beat's program to places like New
Mexico, Arizona, Monterey, Fresno, Washington, DC, and now Miami,
Florida, while responding to requests we get each week to see about
bringing The Beat to other counties and states. (If any of you fans of The
Beat know of individuals or organizations that you think might be
interested in contributing to our future, we would love to know who
they are...)
We don't want to discourage any of you. But we have to be honest
with this kind of warning; we have no choice. We have to increase our
efforts both to trim our budget and to add to it in order to keep The
Beat alive. Far from discouraging you, we hope this inspires you to step
up big and deliver those doubles, triples and home runs that fill every
issue of The Beat, and which the many fans of your writing have come
to expect. Here are a few of the diamond-brilliant gems in this issue you
hold in your hand:
"If the PO, DA or judge could live in the conditions we do they would
realize that this is not a 'rehabilitation process' as they like to call it.
Have them spend around 16 hours in their room, eat when people tell
you to, wake up to ice water showers, and not have people listen to
what you have to say." (Ballard, SF).
"At least in this place I can escape the madness
The sun shines bright, here I have no sadness
I was a kid who was hurt physically and emotionally
The pain is like a disease that will stay in me permanently
When I awake from sleeping, the walls close in
Reality hit home, I lived a life filled with sin"
(Chango, Santa Clara)
"I've decided to stop doing drugs and running the streets so I can focus
on my schoolwork, which I really want to do so I can have a chance at
getting my diploma. I've become more dedicated to my schoolwork in
these past few months. I took my exit exam, and I think that I did a
good enough job to pass. I tried my best."
(Donald, SF)
"I have to give up a lot in this world
but it's a sacrifice that I need to succeed in life.
I'm going to do this for me and my family,
the people that I love and need in this world.
What I need is what I'm going to achieve."
(LiT Joker, Alameda)
We could have chosen dozens of other examples, but you get the
point. Without The Beat, our world would be so much poorer, and
we believe your world would be too. So we need all of you to do your
part. Writers, step up and take The Beat seriously so you can teach
and we can publish what you teach. Readers, step up and take The
Beat seriously so that you can introduce us to potential hinders, both
individuals or organizations.
While you're thinking of what you might do to help us, these are
the topics in this issue that have produced such outstanding writing:
The first topic is "Sacrificing for my future" What do you think you
have to give up to change your future, to make it better? What's keeping
you from making that sacrifice? When you think of the sacrifices your
mom or grandmother have made for you, does it make you want to
sacrifice anything for them? What have they given up for you? What are
you w illin g to give up for them?
Topic #2 is, "Can the rich put themselves in the shoes of the poor?"
Last week, a news reporter began a month experiment to live on food
stamps, trying to learn what over 30 million poor Americans experience,
having to live on only $6.28 a day. Do you think he will have a better
understanding of what life is like for those who have to struggle to put
food on the table? If DAs, POs, PDs or judges had to spend a little time
in lock-up, do you think it would make them less likely to put young
people there? Can "rich" people learn about the experiences of the
"poor" by putting themselves in their shoes? What would they learn?
The last topic is, "Lucky or unlucky." Do you consider yourself
lucky or unlucky? How do you define both those words? Have you been
lucky in some situations but unlucky in others? Do people bring their
own good or bad luck, or does it just happen that way? Who's the
luckiest person you've ever met, and what's the luckiest thing that ever
happened to you? Who's the unluckiest person you've ever met, and
what's the unluckiest thing that ever happened to you?
Okay, good people. This issue goes out to all of you taking that
extra step to put
The Beat on a secure financial footing. As long as there are juvenile
halls, The Beat wants to be there to capture the talent that is so
casually thrown away. As Abraham Lincoln said, "We — even we here
now — hold the power and bear the responsibility."
WJMM/M ' // ' ////////
ThC BCHt Wlthllt, a weekly newsletter of writing and art by incar-
cerated youth, is published by Pacific News Service.
At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor inappropriate sexual
remarks, foul language, and gang references. There is enough tension in our com-
muities already-we don't aim to bolster it. It is in The Beat's interest to promote
peace and unity. Our goal is to educate one another.
The Beat Within publishes the opinions and views expressed by the participants in
our workshops. This is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you read do
not necessarily reflect those of the publisher, editor or staff. All rights are reserved.
Nothing from this publication can be reproduced without our written permission.
To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words have con-
sequences, and could be used to incriminate you. Try to illuminate your feelings and
viewpoints without running the risk of providing ammunition for those who might
use your words against you.
Co-founders: Sandy Close and David Inocencio
Senior Editors: David Inocencio
Assistant Editors: Michael Kroll, Omar Turcios
Graphics/Layout Editor: Manen Pau
Staff: Pauline Craig, Carolyn Goossen, Jill Wolfson, Allan Martinez, Patricia John-
son, Amanda Abies, Dennis Morton, Sheerly Avni, Hanif Bey, Brenda Navarro, Sa-
mantha Navarro, Johnny Le, Laura Vitaro, Karla Serrano, Ricky Rollins, Kendra
Davis, Anastasia Freeman, Demarius Brown, Mon'Kesia Butler, Michaela, Ava,
Danyal, Jeanette Beltran, Monica Carlos, Janet Lagto, Allan Tinker, Nic Reiner-
Parra, Laura Goode, Molly Patterson, Peggy Simmons, Kirstin Dan, Angel Ryono,
Siliva Mortenson, Kolby Hanson, Sam Peterson, Kim Nelson, Gwendolyn Hubner,
Oscar Pena Jr., Julia Scheinbeim, and Neela Banerjee.
The Maricopa County, Phoenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department Beat
Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C, Hillary Shluker, M.C, Lisa
Karczewski, MA. The detention staff are: Carissa Allen, Antoinette Flores, Mr. B.,
Tammie Utter, D. Scott Herrmann, Connie Pyburn, Ph. D. Clinical Director, Ph.D.
Clinical Director.
Bernalillio County Juvenile Detention & Youth Services Center Beat Staff:
Steve Serna
Oak Hill - Washington, DC Staff: Alex Moe and Gabriel Prodder
Fresno : Mai Der Vang, Rosie Wentz, Liliana Romero, Nigel Medhurst, Ashleigh
Rocker, and Cindy Jenson
JDS - Dade County, Miami, Florida : Edward Ahmeel
Monterey : Sam Peterson and Sarah Damico
Art: Much props to everyone for the great art this week.
Spiritual Advisor: JackJacqua
Special Volunteer: Nancy DeMartini
Book Donor: Marisela Norte
Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous support
of funders of Pacific News Service's Youth Communications Programs - California
Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund, Community Foun-
dation of Silicon Valley, Community Technology Foundation of California, Comp-
ton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foundation, Evelyn and Walter
Haas, Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foundation, Marguerite Casey Foun-
dation, Marin Community Foundation, Morris Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cum-
mings Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children and Youth, Open Society Institute,
Peninsula Community Foundation, Philanthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cow-
ell Foundation, Monterey, Fresno, Solano, Oak Hill - Washington DCSan Francisco
Arts Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W. Clem-
ent and Jessie V Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation,
Surdna Foundation, The California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben Sels/
Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard Public Foundation, Wallace Alexander Gerbode
Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, Youth Justice Funding Collaborative, the
Zellerbach Family Fund and individual donors.
Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our workshops in the San Francisco, Mari-
copa County Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bernalillio County New
Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have any questions or
comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to become a subscriber, con-
tact us at: 275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415) 503-4170 or check us out at:
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like M1K
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I've been locked behind cells
trying my hardest to get out of here.
My mind is taking over, I'm about to explode.
I got to let y'all hear what I'm carrying in my load.
I been riding on the same road since I was young
but now I think it's time for a change.
I want to be like Martin Luther King
And I don't want nobody judging me.
I used to live my life on these streets,
y'all criminals use to be just like me.
Yes violence is taking over these streets,
young people hear now and listen to my speech:
I use to be committed to crime but now
I'm committed to these cells.
I'm trying to make it better while I'm in here.
-Baby Boy
From The Beat: We're glad you've taken the opportunity to get things
off your chest, and in a very effective way. If you were to continue this
message, what other similarities do want to share with MLK?
Jam Up
Being jammed up in DJJ. When you're back to your
room, just pray to get out the next day. Then you look up
at your wall and think "Is that all? All this that I'm doing,
is it hurting my family or friends?" You look out a little
hole out the window, look up at the dark skies then tears
start to come down. You're teary eyed and you're like,
"damn, I'm jammed for petty stuff." Then you say "I'm not
doing the crimes 'cause I can't do the time."
-J-Zoe
From The Beat: You've drawn a great comparison between the freedom
you hope for and the reality of being in detention. Seeing the sky from
a little hole is not satisfying, and it's an image that all of us should
carry with us in the future.
Bad Times
RIP to my dogs that are gone. You was balling when you
were here and you still balling while gone. A boy still
going through hard times but now that you gone, know
that a boy done stop doing all these bad crimes.
When the time comes for me to take the throne you
best believe I'm going to take it straight home. I can't say
I'm ever going to change.
I never use to be a goon. I use to be a smart book-
addicted kid that stayed in school.
-Baby Boy
From The Beat: Baby Boy, does saying goodbye give you the freedom to
get back to the books.. .to find that lost part of yourself that you begin
to speak about here? If so, saying goodbye may allow you to say hello
to something hopeful.
The Beat Within
Today I just joined a group called The Beat Within. I
really like it, it's okay. I'm gonna really keep trying so I
can stay in this group.
Yesterday we just got a new black president and
we made history 'cause he's black. I think he is really
gonna change the world for not only black people, but
for everyone in this country. And he's really gonna make
a change for the world. He's gonna make prices go up on
people's pay.
-Shayon
From The Beat: Welcome, Shayon! We hope you stick with this and
continue to develop your writing. It seems that you have hopes for
Obama and what he'll do for this country. Maybe you should consider
writing him at some point.
From The Beat: We welcome these incredible SUBMISSIONS FROM
MIAMI DADE REGIONAL JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER, in MIAMI-
DADE COUNTY, Florida. A big thank you to you writers and to our
wonderful friend and colleague, Miami Eddy bka Eddy Ameen.
The Outside World
\
I'm wild on the outside but deep down I'm clod. I done
had my chance to walk through the hospital doors. The
machine once used to be strapped to my chest and here
now I law with a bullet-proof vest. I want to be able to treat
my child with much respect.
Man can change the world but he can't change me. I
done reach the end. DJJ - that's where all my problems
had begun. Once you come once, you best believe that
you're gonna come twice. This is my change to a better
life. This is where I start my life all over again.
-Baby Boy
From The Beat: You really show a metamorphosis with this piece. If it's
true that detention repeats itself, what can you do to break this cycle?
You sound convinced that you're going to change. We'd like you to tell
readers what that change means so you can inspire others!
J L
My Grandmother's My Mother
To me, my grandma is my mother. Under God, the
person who gives birth is your mother. But what about if
she was never there? What if she left you in the hands of
your father, a cruel and malicious man? "Is she still your
mother?" Not to me...
To me the person who raises you is your mother, the
person who teaches you right from wrong, the person who
will be there for you no matter what. Good, bad, right, or
wrong, your mother will never turn her back. You can life,
cheat, or steal and your mother will love you no matter
what. That's why to me, my grandmother is my mother.
No matter what I've done in my life, she's always stands
by my side. From birth till the end of time, she tells me
she will be there,. The bond we share, the love we have
surpasses any other. That's why to me my grandmother's
my mother. Forever. And ever. Dedicated to my abuelita,
Regina.
-Remek
From The Beat: This is a heartfelt piece. You clearly express how
fortunate you are to have a relationship like you do with your grandma.
For many, family is how you define it.
r
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Just Me
Just before I went to sleep last night,
I thought about who I used to be.
And the life I lived.
What I thought then to be right,
I know now to be wrong.
All the nights in the street,
Posted up smoking reef.
I put my family through grief,
I let them down, like the Cardinals,
Who suffered deafeat.
But who can I blame?
Nobody but me.
-Remek
From The Beat: Taking stock of your life like this is not easy because
you have to accept that you've hurt those you care about - yourself and
your family included. But acceptance also means that you can move
forward, playing a new ball game.. .You go first and maybe the Cardinals
will follow!
Vibin 1 On That Beat
I'm vibin' to the beat with the lady.
I'm just vibin' to the beat with my baby.
Vibin' to the beat. I'm vibin, no stoppin.
People be jokin' my vibe while I'm on the street
Just bopping, move to the beat.
Every day of the week
Ya could catch me vibin' on that beat.
-Joselin
From The Beat: Joselin, this has got great rhythm and a good break
from the stress that many readers face every day. Let's all vibe to the
beat (no pun intended).
On My Mind
I got a lot going through my mind, especially court
cannot stop thinking about it. I don't have any idea what's
going to happen. I'm very nervous.
My public defender has not come to talk to me. I just
can't wait till she comes to speak to me - I have so many
things to tell her. I tried calling her but I just cant get in
contact. I'm really frustrated because of that. Hopefully
she'll come talk to me this week, and I'll feel better. I need
to tell her the facts of my case so that she will fight for me
in court and let them know what happened.
I hope the judge will let me go home and I will be a
happy kid again. Then I can go home and deal with my
family problems.
-Chucky
From The Beat: You've got a LOT on your mind and show how hard it
can be to never reach your lawyer. Hopefully through writing this piece,
you were able to transfer some of that frustration from your head to the
page, and leave it there.
What's On My Mind
What's on my mind is: Can my grandma see me or not.
'Cause when I talked to her the other day, she said she
was very sick. She said she was very, very sick. But she's
been sick since I was 12 and now I'm 16 and she's still
sick. But she's been trying to get get herself fixed for the
longest. So right now she's in a wheelchair everywhere
she goes, but that's just one thing that goes on in my
mind.
-Jv
From The Beat: Thanks for sharing a little bit of you and putting into
words your concerns about your grandma. It is tough to see a loved one
get sick. We hope she is able to visit you - it sounds like it would mean
a whole lot!
X
at'e
People show ways of joking.
People treat things as a joke.
So why don't the world do a joke?
Because jokes are evol (evil) and evol spelled backward
is love.
So what's love. ..evol.
So evol is a sin but love would always be there.
-Mail
From The Beat: You did a nice play on words here, and show what a
good thing it can be to turn things around, literally and symbolically.
Let there be love, but not evil/evol. If you're up for it, please share your
thoughts on good jokes and humor, if you think that exists.
Le'
th<
Why?
"\
J L
I ask myself why.
Why do I feel all this pain?
Why did I take that day as a game?
Why have I brought all of this shame upon my family
name?
The family and the glory --
It's not worth it to hurry.
Thru the fog and clouds,
I ask myself out loud, why?
The money means nothing
Compared to my freedom.
All I hear from the judge
Is "boy, you're done."
Funny thing is, I didn't even use a gun,
Just walking down the street looking up at the sun.
I get rushed, beaten, and jumped -
I run to my home and ask myself why?
So I call up my friends and tell them the story
They come to my house as quick as a flurry,
We decide to walk back to the scene
With anger on my mind, I decide to be sheen.
See a blade on the counter, I decide to be keen.
I come through the shadows, not to be seen.
We begin to fight, he pulls out a knife
And he's aware that I'm only seventeen.
He makes a move but he's quick to lose
My blade is no longer clean.
I turn around and see my friends,
both bleeding like the blood won't end.
I pick them up and begin to run
This madness has just begun.
They're both in pain, I don't feel the same.
And then I ask why?
Why did this just happen?
Why did I just do what I did?
I dirtied my life, in a simple act of rage.
Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by red lights
And I knew my life would never be the same.
Now I sit here in my cell, seven months of this cold hell.
And it's my first offense.
They gave me a plea, to which I agreed
And now I have to be among criminals that compare
nothing to me.
I know now that life ain't fair.
But still I keep that hope in me.
Why?
So the world can see that time will never, ever break me.
-Remek
From The Beat: Thank you for giving the readers a play-by-play of that
fateful day. We know that for many in your shoes, it repeats like a tape
that's stuck in the VCR. Is there another way you can move the tape
forward to the next chapter?
r
7
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Death
Death is a cruel think and it hurts people's hearts.
It's easy to say but hard to tell.
If I don't get out of jail, I'm gonna raise hell.
-BlackBoy
From The Beat: We hope you do get out and live life! Keep writing and
expanding your thoughts through words, you're on to something!
Loved
Couldn't find that four letter word until I approached u.
Couldn't find a reason for L.O.V.E. until you gave it a
purpose.
You console me, you bring me closure when you touch
and hold me.
My misses never temped to leave me lonely.
Your silent whispers sooth my body.
If I kiss her, will she feel the magic? Ecstatic.
Her body shivers in pleasure when I deliver.
Not lust - more than a crush. But this is pure passion.
When you cry I'm quick to clear your weary eyes.
Tell me where it hurts.
I'll hurt myself to ease your mind. And ease the tension.
My better half finishes my sentences. It's worth it.
Just be persistent, so ardent.
We'll go the distance. On an expedition.
In our mind when we're together. And savor this precious
moment.
'Cause nothing lasts forever.
Never felt this way so at first the feeling scared me.
Scared of something new. Comfortable.
She says she's there for me and through my darkest
moments.
When I was low and couldn't feel her.
Words were justified by action.
Kisses like fireworks and touches make me tingle.
Your eyes are two stars in the night.
I watch them twinkle — I get lost in them.
Feening for that bottom lip.
Your words are inspiration, makes me say stuff like this.
This feeling caught me off guard.
No question 'bout what it was. Damn. U found love.
-Joselin
From The Beat: This is a wonderfully descriptive poem about love. As
complex an issue love is, you broke it down while still retaining its
beauty. You are credited for talcing the chance at expressing yourself
through just the right words.
Birdie says
"Different fo'you —
Somebody wanna find you real bad.
So many folks! And them dogs!
Feel the hunt?
All night an' now day.
When it was me, nobody looked."
I say,
"No one? Never?"
Birdie says,
"So long ago, anyways.
Ain't nobody left knows my name.
So what they call you?"
I look at my ghost hands.
Fingers melt away.
I have no edges.
I tell Birdie,
"Well, once I was Shayon."
-Shayon
From The Beat: Wow, Shayon. This is powerful and the images are
crystal clear. You've melted and are feeling invisible, in the shadows.
Please think about how you can emerge from them once again. And if
you do, would you want to be something different? Would you want
the dogs on you?
Money Can't Change Relationships
Money can't fix a relationship with your parents. And
it cant fix a relationship with your girlfriend either. All
many can do is pay financial bills.
-Shayon
From The Beat: Yes, yes, and yes. So what does it take to repair these
relationships? What inside of you needs to come out in order to heal
what you think you can heal? And what do you wish for in those you
are in relationships with?
Wlj nit me?
\
Why it couldn't have been me? I always ask God why
he took my vultures away - why not me. Then I ask God
when it's my turn. But I know if I stay on the right track,
I might go to heaven.
-Joselin
From The Beat: In between thoughts of people you've lost, we hope you
consider all the lessons you've gained and we wish you all the strength
you might need to stay on that right track.
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The Set Up (Parti)
D-Dog: "Hey, JJ, you want to go see them girls that we met
at the club other night? 'Cause they been begging me and
you to come over there for the last three days."
JJ: "Man, bro, I really don't know about that crap going to
meet them girls, I got a bad vibe about them girls 'cause
they look like they just trying to get in a man's pockets,
and I heard that them girls down the way be getting' fools
murdered.
D-Dog: "Man, JJ, them girls ain't on that stuff, the only
thing they want is a man and that's it, so what's up? You
gonna slide with your boy or what?"
JJ: "Damn, dog, you always getting me with that shhh. Yes,
I'm gonna slide, but how we gonna get down that way?"
D-Dog: "I had already hollered at Cam-D about letting me
use his car, alight, then let's go and holla at Cent and see if
he would let us hold the Mac II and the four-five, alright?"
JJ and D-Dog went to D-Dog's house to get Cam-D's car.
When they got to the house, they went straight to the car,
got in and D-Dog started it up.
As they drove out of D-Dog's yard, JJ said "Dog, Cent
should be around by the Cookie Store and you know he
always keeps the you know what on him." Within two and a
half minutes, they saw Cent posted up on the Cookie Store
wall.
JJ: "Hey, Cent, check it out bro bro."
Cent: "Yeah, what up J?"
JJ: "Hey, Cent, me and D-Dog is about to go down the way
and I want to know if you would let us hold your FYE?"
Cent: "What y'all need J is the Mac II and the 4-5. Damn boy
y'all lucky today 'cause I was just about to sell them things,
but hold up. ..I'll be right back."
In seconds, Cent came back with a black bad and two
pairs of black gloves and said "Here, you lil' ninjas, go ."
D-Dog: "A'ight, Cent, we out bro. We'll holla at you later."
Now J J and D-Dog are on their way to the town. In about
a half hour they were in town, and at the girl's house they
met the other night. JJ got out of the car and went to knock
on the door when D-Dog said, "J, how much money do you
have on you?"
JJ: "About $5,600. And you?"
D-Dog: "About $7,000. A'ight JJ, let's go in there and see
them girls and then leave.
JJ: "A'ight, Dog."
When they got into the house, Sarah and Kim greeted them
and they began getting heavy. Within about ten minutes, all
of a sudden three boys came through the house by kicking
down the door with a loud noise and said "GET ON THE
FLOOR!"
JJ: "Man, screw you"
The boys repeated, "get down!"
D-Dog: "JJ, get down before they kill...."
One of the boys shouted, "Y'all shut the hell up!"
JJ and D-Dog were both thinking the same thing: Why in
the hell didn't they bring the damn FYE and park the car
in the yard.
To the continued...
-John
From The Beat: John, we all want to see how this ends up! You write
vividly and take us directly into the action. What are these characters
about and what brought them here? Where are YOU within this story?
Hopefully we'll learn more about this soon.
Alone
x
Why do I have to feel so alone?
Like walking in the rain, as a bum with no home.
Got stress on my mind, feels like a ton on my back.
The pressure's building slowly, I swear I'm gonna crack.
Wishin' I wouldn't have done what I did back then.
Now I'm trapped in this cell, till God knows when.
-Remek
From The Beat: Remek, you use a few words to paint a picture worth
1,000. Well done. We hope you can find some support to case the
loneliness and pressure.
J L
Briny Back My Dead
If I could go back in time, knowing what I know today,
and prevent that one death from happening -- a homeboy
from violence - I think my life would be better. I think I
would be on the outs. He was a special person. I would
tell him that I love him.
-ZoeForLife
From The Beat: In simplicity, you have expressed true feelings about a
lost friend. We can't go back in time but we can move forward knowing
how important people we've lost are in our lives, and just how precious
life really is.
r
7
HEM £nr&¥
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If I change Htif life that would make
mif grandma happy, and If I would
make mif grandma happif that would
make me happif I
Better Days
Better days seem so far.
Times keep moving like miles on a car.
As I watch days go by, I always wonder why?
Why are these days so bad, why am I sad.
I know if I just hold on, better days will come.
Like when I was little, always having fun.
Yesterdays worries are gone, that's all in the past.
Tomorrow is a mystery that will come fast,
today is a gift that's why it's called the present.
Hope for better days with a blessing.
Better days will come but it's a matter of time.
Wait for days to change be better and shine,
we just got to hold on. Things will get easy,
I just got to have faith and keep on believing.
Hope for the best expect the best,
that's all we can do forget the rest.
Bad days are hear but won't last.
Soon this miserable life will be in the past.
If we can survive today,
tomorrow will bring happiness;
better days will come and grant your wish.
-Xavier, YDDC
From The Beat: The key to what you call "Miserable life" is what you
learn from them. Learn to better your life, so your not back where you
The Good And Bad In Me
x
\
I'm sitting in my cell thinking what the hell, I could be
doing something better with my life then sitting in jail.
Starring at these white bricks making me trip, I miss my
familia and my Lady, shhh, I know I can do better then
this, but when I'm on the streets I'm to stubborn to see
that there's more to life then gang banging, and serving
them friends.
I'm trying to snap and see where I'm going to be in
the next three years, but I'm facing eighteen. That's not a
sight to see, I hope I get out.
I would make a perfect life for me. Starting with
making Reyna, my wife to be, and getting a good job to
keep me free, I got people to help me when I'm in time of
need. I know in my mind what I need to succeed, it's just
when I'm on the streets it's a hole different me, Baby Syco
comes out, he's got a reputation to keep. He thinks in his
mind that he has to hurt people to survive, Baby Syco, is
a creation from the streets.
Jesus, that's a whole different part of me, still
stubborn, but sweet and smarter then you think, going to
college for criminal justice. Not that's a sight to see, yeah,
I got to personalities. I don't care what you think, I wrote
this for all to read, there's good in everybody even me. It
just takes a while for you to see.
-Jesus
From The Beat: It's sounds like you know exactly what you have to do;
now the choice is yours. Do you want to be "Baby Syco" or do you want
to be Jesus? Know, if you continue as Baby Syco, you'll remain where
you are, or you can have the flip side, to the life you're living now.
Sacrificing for my future
\
To make my future better, I got to give up a lot of things.
I got to give up all my old ways, my old friends, my old
doings, my old everything.
Lots of things have kept me from making this sacrifice,
but now that I'm locked up nothing is, but me. I've been
in the Bernalillo County Juvenile Detention Center for
a month, and none of my friends have wrote me or even
tried to do anything to get a hold of me. The only ones
that have are my Grandma and my parents.
When I think of the sacrifice's that my Grandma has
made for me, I think to myself 'why can't I make a couple
of sacrifice's to make her happy?' She's done everything
for me, why can't I do a little bit for her? My Grandma
has given up a lot for me. When I had no place to go she
welcomed me with open arms, when I got kicked out of
school she was there too pick me up, when I came to jail
she was the one to pick me up, when I needed money
she gave it to me with no questions. Whenever I needed
anything she was the one to give it to me. When I think
about all the stuff my Grandmas done for me I think 'why
would it be hard to change my life. If I change my life that
would make my Grandma happy, and if I would make my
Grandma happy that would make me happy!
-Ian, YDDC
From The Beat: It's sad to think of how you treated your family and the
way you treated your friends, but when it comes down to it you have to
learn the hard way, who your true friends and family are.
I don't care what h oh think, I wrote
this for all to read, there's good in
everifhodif even me, It just takes a
while for ifou to see,
Chanyin' My Way's
J L
Changin' my way's
Walkin' down the streets
Sayin' I'm an ex-convict
Ex-convict
Gangs don't mean nothin' to me, fool
Cause I'm keepin' my head up
Sayin'
These two words
I'm ex-convict
Ex-convict
Ain't goin' back
Had put my life to pause
Right then an there
Had kept me from my 111' boy Jeremiah
He name came from the bible
He goin' to be holy
This is no preach
This is the life
This is true story
It ain't comin' from my mouth
It comin' from my heart
The tears comin' from my eyes
Is no day, feelin' lonely
In that cell havin' nobody to talk...
-Diamond
From The Beat: Life's all about a choice, take your life out of "pause", and
start living, so you can be with that "lil boy Jeremiah". Stop thinking as
an "ex-convict" and start thinking like a mom.
r
HEM £nr&¥
Memory lane
\
Take a trip with me down memory lane, but this isn't
a happy trip to feel my pain. See what I see and know
why I'm me, hold my hand, close your eyes and just
visualize.
It starts at age 5. The chaos is no lie. Daddy's leaving
in a cop car, why is mommy crying so hard. Now my pops
is in prison. No dad around. This is when my life gets
lost and will never be found, now fifteen moms trying her
best. This kid who loved school and sports no one would
have guessed. Young with no fillings gives his life to his
hood. It seems like every things wrong, nothing all good.
It never gets better, it only gets worse. Crying out for
help, stuck with this curse, mom's grip is slipp'in, she
can't hold him no more. He's full of tattoos, his mammas
hart is tore. He's well known in the streets. Loves to carry
his cold heat, gots it in his waist line, pulls it out in the
drop of a dime, now he's 16 and feeds on pain, and hate.
Seen his homie die, and used to being behind gates. Every
day selling grams to make life good, cuz he know no one
makes it out of the hood. December, getting faded out
of his mind, hate mixed with being drunk. His eyes are
blind. Pulls out his peace, lets it exploded watching that
person stumble and fold. Now he's in jail can't get out of
this cell, mom cries asks him why?
2008 spent locked behind doors, wearing jump suites,
scrubbing floors. He wants to cry but the tears never
come, he can't face his pain so he always runs. 2009,
he spends locked up to, all by myself no gang, no crew,
now hell sit in this 8 by 10 letting my mind free with this
pen. 22 months of life he'll never get back, and will never
be the same he knows for a fact. Parole seems to never
come, frustrated, cuz this time isn't done. So he sits back
and waits for my day, regretting the game he used to play.
Now you seen what I have felt, my pain, never forget my
memory lane.
A "Beat" wuts good? As for ya boy X just posted
in DC. Still, now in Sandia cottage, but my times almost
done, so I ain't trippin'. Here's some of my work enjoy.
Peace out
-Xavier, YDDC New Mexico
From the Beat: It sounds like you have had one bad thing after another
happen in your life. Now that your time is almost up, don't give up, but
most of all don't go back to your old ways. Do your best to change for
the better and learn from your mistakes. When you get out don't forget
to send us updates on your life, and how you're doing in the outs.
Wonder
Sometimes I wonder what's going on in my own head.
I think that I want to do something with my life.
I wonder what it's going to be like ten years from now.
I know that as a young man I am going to have to step up
to the plate, I wonder what it would have been like
if I did this or did that?
I wonder what it would have been like
if I would have gone to school every day,
and arrived on time to class.
I wonder what it would have been like
if I did not get on probation and then violate my probation.
I still wonder what it would be like to live my dreams
and bring my homie's with me.
I wonder,
but I know wondering isn't going to get me any where.
I know that I got to try and accomplish what I need to do
in order to be where "I wonder".
-Joker
From The Beat: Now that your "wondering" is done, do as you say,
"step up to the plate", and do what you have to do, so you can stop
"wondering".v
Feeling The Beat!
x
I feel The Beat
When my feet start tappin'
But it's just a reaction
I feel it in my hand
When it hits the paper
But my flows keep bustin' out on paper
This is a girl feelin' "The Beat Within"
With another excitement
To The Beat!
-Diamond
From The Beat: Thank you for the quick poem, it always makes us at The
Beat feel good, knowing that were making a difference, no matter how
small the difference may be.
It never gets better, it only
gets worse. Crying out for
help, stuck with this curse,
mom's grip is slipp'in, she
can 't hold him no more.
HEM £nr&¥
YMIM
If I Had a Second Life
\
If I had a second life I would want it to be better than
my first,
And it would be full of love and hurt.
But in my second life would I be born from birth?
And would I get ringworm from that same dirt?
Or would I have spilled that juice stain on my same
shirt?
And instead of shooting that gun I should have been in
church.
I wonder what is a second life worth
But if I had a second life, I would do things different
Like staying out too late and my mother thought I was
missing
In this life her feet I should be kissing
But I appreciate you all for listening
To my second life
But keep your first one it's worth no price.
-Paul
From The Beat: You keep blessing us with wonderful work, Paul! You ask
some interesting questions about what a second life might look like,
while reminding us to cherish the life we have. All while keep a strong
rhyme and rhythm. Given that we only have one, are you ready to make
the changes you mention for your second life in this one?
Remaking America...
Before I Sleep, I Pray to The Lord My
Soul to Keep
When I sit back in my room and pray,
I wonder do my enemies say the things I say.
I wonder do he listen, or put us aside.
But at some times, I sit back and cry.
Because all the things I have done, it's been a sin.
But all I ever tried to do was go out and win.
Be the best man I could be.
But some of my family ashamed of me.
'Cause I robbed and sold ninjas drugs
They say I'm just being another young thug.
All my intentions are good,
But overlooked 'cause I'm from the hood.
Late at night before I lay in my bed,
I pray to God he could bring back my man Lil' Ed.
- Sam
From The Beat: Sam, we loved this piece. You're saying some powerful
things through some good rhymes. How can you find new ways to show
the people around you that your intentions are good? What are some
ways you can "go out and win" without getting yourself in trouble?
Pictures and Times
Pictures remind me of old and good times.
Sometimes I think what was I doing on that day and
time.
Sometimes I wonder what's going through my mind.
I feel like a spy looking from behind.
Trying to find out who I really am on the inside.
I am not a person that likes to commit crimes,
I was just around the wrong people at the wrong time.
But I can fix all this just in the right time.
My favorite picture is of me when I was a baby on 4th
of July. I was 2 years of age. I was also real cute and
handsome. A lot of my family was in the picture.
-Marcus
From The Beat: You do a great job capturing the feeling of looking at a
picture and trying to remember how things were back then — "like a spy
looking from behind." And we love your optimism. There is plenty of
time to change things, and show people the kind of person you really
are. Make it happen!
I think that the only way we can remake America is to go
out there and work for our money. I think Obama is going to
put the people that are in poverty in nice houses.
First thing we have to do is change ourselves. Not mess
up the community. We need to fight for what's ours. We need
to help our young youth finish school and go to college. But
also the way we grew up is to fight.
All these people were leaders, like Martin Luther King,
Jr., and Malcolm X. Barack Obama is going to spend the
economy money on something positive. Like many people
said, we thought we would never see a black president. But
look, the work is done and there will be change. But now I'm
about to dig deeper.
I heard a lot of people talking about Obama being killed.
I'm glad that no one actually tried to do something like that.
There's one thing I wanted to see which is that Obama would
put us in schools with his daughters. That will be another
historical moment. I also think Barack Obama will make
marijuana legal. I think violence is good and bad, because
you need to protect yourself, but the bad thing is that you
can kill and hurt people. We want to help and nurture people.
I think that everyone should be valedictorian. I don't think
that it is good to fire people and take their jobs from them.
-Patrick
From The Beat: We love your commitment to supporting the community
and young people in school. We'd like to know more about your thoughts
on violence. You say it's necessary to protect yourself, but do you think
we could ever move away from having to protect ourselves? Is this a
possible or realistic goal?
Cianges Made in the Ecoiumj
\
Ml
In DC they are pushing the poor out of the hood as fast as
they can.
Is it because of the violence or the young black man?
As the economy starts to change day by day
They move us out of our home just to get us away
As things get worse, I can see the difference
All homeowners care for is the money they're getting
It shouldn't be that way in our economy
But everyone knows that the world revolves around money.
-Daniel
From The Beat: In rhyme, you remind us of an old fact: the world
revolves around money. You also address the changes taking place in
neighborhoods all over the city. Are there things that can be done to
give poor people in the city more power, so that they can't be pushed
out so easily? We need strong voices to call attention to these issues the
way you are, and we hope you'll keep it up.
J L
Picture that I Can Reminisce On
I have two pictures that I will always remember. One is
my baby picture because when I get older I can reminisce
on my child life. Your child life is the best one.
Second is my Oak Hill picture because I took a popular
pose that everybody would remember. This is the best
one because I can show my mom when I get home and my
little brother. And also when I have kids I can show them
what it was like.
When I get home I'm going to put that picture in a
frame on the wall of fame. All the girls are going to like
it because of my smile and also my pose. Yeah I did send
that picture to everybody.
And when I publish this I'm going to send it to my
family and when I get home I'm going to read it again.
-Lil' Whan
From The Beat: We're glad you share your work in The Beat with loved
ones. What will you tell your littler brother, and others, about your time
at Oak Hill? What other pictures do you hope to be able to share one
day? Graduation pictures? Vacation pictures? There is so much ahead for
you, we look forward to hearing about what other pictures await.
r
/EZE2
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Who Really Suffers From The Choices
So what's up, Beat Within? This your boy, Frank, coming
at you guy's from the hall. So I wanted to let you guys up
on some game about how my life has been since I started
making some messed up choices for myself, and who my
choices really affect in the long.
So, it all starts about when I turned 11 years old. My
grandma had passed away and she was like a second mom
to me, and from when she had past I started messing up
in life. Started doing drugs, getting caught up with the
5-0, and started getting locked up and I kept telling my
parents I'm done with my mistakes but I was not real, I
was lying.
Not only was I putting my mom and dad in tears and
pain, but I couldn't see that I was just bullshhhing myself
but I could not see it but I had to find out the hard way.
As days went by and years, I find myself, at 16 year's
old, now hurting more than just my parents, I'm hurting
all my family and my baby mama, but not just them but
myself too.
Now I'm an alcoholic, about to be a dad, sitting in
this unit thinking to myself, "I'm done hurting my family,
my girl. I'm done putting myself in this place because of
the choices I wanna make," and the reason why I know
that I'm done making bad choices and hurting everyone
is 'cause now I'm not only talking about it, I'm doing what
I got to do to get my life back on track and I could tell you
this, I'm being real. This ain't just talk.
I'm ready to clean myself up and be a good soul and
a good dad and ready to make the right choices that will
make my family happy and put us in a good spot. I'm done
with the hall, third time and last time. Trust me, you ain't
hearing from me again. I'm out and to all, just make that
right choice 'cause it ain't just effing you, alright Late.
-Frank, Santa Clara
From The Beat: You're right, you have a child on the way and you can't
afford to mess it up this time around. You're life is worth more than
what you're making it and your child deserves a father who will be
there. We hope that you can really step it up and make the changes you
need, you never know when it might be too late. Keep us posted!
Only Free With Closed Eyes
My heart is aching, my memories are now dreams
Every time I close my eyes, I see darkness, but still I feel
free
I'm gone but haven't left; everything looks so clear
The sky is cloudless and the light appears
At least in this place I can escape the madness
The sun shines bright, here I have no sadness
I was a kid who was hurt physically and emotionally
The pain is like a disease that will stay in me
permanently
When I awake from sleeping, the walls close in
Reality hit home, I lived a life filled with sin
They say the simple plan for life is change
Then why am I still this person who remains the same
Years keep passing, tears begin to fall
Held them back to hide feelings, oh too long
I was happy once before, at least that's what I thought
Did everything my way then... was mad and upset when
I got caught
-Crazy L, Santa Clara
From The Beat: This is such a powerful and painful poem, CL! That pain
you carry around like a disease may be permanent, but it doesn't have to
weigh you down all the time. The memory of pain is not the pain itself,
so we can understand why your own mind could be your sanctuary. To
be honest, your words remind us of a character in a Shakespeare play.
King Lear, who said: "I am a man/ More sinned against than sinning."
Whatever you have done — and we don't want to minimize it — what
was done to you as a child is the true sin. Forgive yourself.
I Ain't Mad At You
I ain't mad at you primo, 'cause you put it down.
I feel you right next to me, even though you not around.
You was a well known "g" up in Sacramento
who covered ground, with his gold crown
I remember the phone call when I was in the hall
A tear fell down my cheek as I hit the wall
Then it hit me that my cousin was long gone
Legend to his hood, so his name forever lives on.
I stood strong, because his life was a sad song
Everything that ever happen to him went wrong
I always wondered to myself how he made it through?
He had nothing in life that he could pursue
He held his little brother's body when the slug ripped his
chest
Closed his eyes with his fingers and his head he caressed
He witnessed his step-father take his mothers last breath
Then he used a hammer and beat his step-fathers ass to
death
He did his years and got out on parole
Moved in with my cousin and had himself a set goal
He promised us he'll protect us with his help
We were everything to him, he had nobody else
He was one of a kind, the craziest fool you'd ever meet
Stuff he did would even sometimes scare me
Steve from Sacramento
Bring an army, he'd bring himself and you can't compete
I blame myself when I feel guilt creep
But the truth is he fell victim to these bloody ruthless
streets
And when I sleep at night I could hear my heart beat
echoing away
following my cousin deep weep
He got shot a few times and he still survived
He said he'd never let an enemy take his life
And he was right, 'cause that stupid vato took his own
He said that he'd always live and die by the chrome
He stole my homies gun and I said "the hell
and supposedly before he died he told his lady he "loves me too".
I never imagined my big cousin being suicidal,
yet again held act like a bleeding brood without her midol.
You didn't just take your life, you took a little piece of ours
And I still lie to myself and say your floating with the stars
I miss you fool. ..How much more can I do?
Than lace this game with your name and pour a 40 out for
you
You took a bigger bite, then you thought that you could
chew
But you really took a bite out of what the city fed you
We can't blame each other,
but we could blame the animal living in the jungle of
California's State Capitol
I don't know what it is?
But I do recognize, that it hasn't ate me for the fact I'm still alive
I've witnessed hell, through these light brown eyes
But compared to what you seen would make an OG cry
So I'll finish what you left and climb up that ladder.
Take care of the family and those who really matter.
Did you wonder what it'd look, if you seen your blood
splatta.
But it's whatever, 'cause I love you and I can't be mad at ya.
-Jon Jon, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We're sorry for your cousin, for his loss and for the crazy
life he had to put up with. But in this writing, it seems like you are
going to follow his lead. Or are we wrong? Think about what happened
to him? Killed someone, served years in prison, got shot a few times
and ended up taking his own life. Tragic. You don't want this type of
life for your life? Do you? Take care of what's yours and learn from this
experience. By the way, you got a great talent as a writer. Don't throw
that away.
/EZE2
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That Lucky Leaf Clover
What happens when it's all over
When you plucked your last lucky clover
You got shot and lived... that was luck
Took it for granted, and it was pluck after pluck
Look around, there's no more
And you wonder why death is at your door
Open up, you might as well
Don't act surprised if you're sent to hell
You earned your way, now you should stay
Ain't no point on kissing ass to the Lord
You were down enough to pull out the sword
From the rock claiming your king of the block
So take responsibility for what you've done
Now that it's over, including the fun
You were higher than the sky late at night
Surprised to see the sun shine its light
Couldn't even think straight
Heart beating at a horse's rate
Too dizzy so you passed out
Should have listened to your soul shout
You lived with nothing but luck
And there you go, pluck after pluck
It only took a finger, pop, pop, pop
Disappointed because your target didn't drop
Wrong people screaming so you ran
Wondering why the bullet didn't stick to the plan
You're disturbed from your nap
By a detective talking about a murder rap
You could have sworn so one was hit
But they claim you're the perfect fit
They didn't have to be as sharp as a knife
To stick the case and put you away for life
On your hands and knee looking for a clover
But you forgot you were pluck after pluck
Now your cloverleaf luck is over
-Cisco, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We had to change the number you used in your title,
Cisco, but we have only admiration for this tragic poem that tells such
a sad, and much too familiar, story. We've come to hate those guns
that, in the hands of children, so easily destroy lives in an instant,
and not just the lives of those that get hit and their families, but also
those of the hitters and their families. Now, your world has changed,
so it's a good thing that you arise from your hands-and-knees search
for clover and start putting the pieces of your life back together. Even
behind bars, human beings can rise above their circumstances. Some
develop relationships with people on the outs that they may never
otherwise have been exposed to; some write incredible books which
change people's perceptions; some are able to explore their own minds
in ways they never had the opportunity to do before. Of course, none
of these "benefits" outweighs the loss of freedom, but we know far too
many so-called free people who never explore anything beyond their
very limited experiences, and who are truly imprisoned by a lack of
imagination. Fortunately, you are not one of them!
Thinking
All day I think think about me ma family, ma girl, ma life
ma future. Sometime thinking lead's to stress and you
get mad. But you really cant get mad because you only
thinking. That's like you getting mad at the truth. Feel
me.
But when people think sumthing about you it really
can't hurt you because it's all in their head. Only if they
speak it to you and it fits you then you can worry but
other than that it shouldn't matter.
Me I don't care what people think bout me because
I'm me feel me, but this young Nuttso I'm gone.
-Young Nuttso, Alameda
From The Beat: We agree it really doesn't do much good to worry about
what other people think about you, unless you have a good chance to
set it straight. What makes you mad when you think about your life?
One Day in Our Shoes
If the PO, DA or judge could live in the conditions we
do they would realize that this is not a "rehabilitation
process" as they like to call it. Have them spend around
16 hours in their room, eat when people tell you to, wake
up to ice water showers, and not have people listen to
what you have to say.
People don't care about what you've done or what
you're trying to do. None of that matters to them. They
don't care about our futures because they think we're
all going to be failures. And that's the purpose of jail, to
oppress (hold people down) and not let us up.
-Ballard, San Francisco
From The Beat: We've come to expect your deeply analytical thinking
that lets you get under the surface of things. Jail has many purposes,
but oppression is certainly one of them. (Another is job security for
thousands of people.) But if keeping you down is what they're about,
then it seems to us that true revenge is beating this system, getting
out and educating yourself so that you can expose some of the worst
abuses, and live your own life while doing it!
One Love, One Life, One Struyyle
Days passed and I'm still incarcerated. No release date
Court dates continue to pop up; continuing to mark each
day
That slowly passes by
Start losing pages on the calendar; stressing on how
months fly
I just want on answer from the Father up high,
"Why hasn't the judge sentenced me for my case?"
I created all this dead time
I'm slowly losing my mind
I don't think I could take it
I always think about letting go but I know I'll regain it I
It's like a game between life and death
I'm slowly trying to live my life without going through
hell
By being incarcerated, but it's the evil ways inside of me
I love them, plus the game play all day every day
Engraved in my veins
But when you see Peanutt going insane
Don't trip, I'm just letting out the rage
That be carried throughout the hardest days of the life I
lead
So please, Lord, when I go to court I would like to see a
blessing
When the judge is eying me I start sweating and
stressing
Thinking what the heck is going to happen to me
Am I going to get out, get sentenced, or get another court
date thrown at me
Well Beat, that's something little for you, but you know
I always got more. But I would like to say I'm going to
probably serve three years in CYA. I hope everything is
OK when I get out. I hope my wife holds our love down
(Elissa) and keeps it 100% real. Also, it's always and
forever Precious. Stay solid straight up 100 rounds you
feel me my love.
- Peanutt, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We hope you don't mind that we typed your piece up
as a poem (and separated it into two different pieces). It just sounded
like that to us. Waiting can be the hardest part of this process since you
have absolutely no control over moving it forward, but simply have to
wait for things to happen. We're not worried that you'll really go crazy,
Peanutt, because you've got too much going on for that to happen.
Three years is long, but not so long that you can't start planning for
the life you (and Precious) want to live when this is all behind you. The
only advice we can give is to avoid the provocations to fight inside the
Y; that's just a trap to add more time.
/EZE2
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Rich To Poor Or Poor To Rich
Poverty! Being poor has its ups and downs. See, as I
was growing up, money was a huge factor. My mom drove
us around to stores that accepted food stamps, and we
would go in with one dollar in food stamp money and buy
a ten-cent candy. The cashier has to give us change in
currency, so that's mainly how we got our money. It was
hard, don't get me wrong.
If any judge, PO or DA ever went through my situation,
they would understand out struggles that poor people
had to go through. I bet they were born into rich families
and are stuck up.
Also, like I said, being poor has its ups, too. Being poor
brings your family closer than ever, and you learn to stick
together. I believe if you put a PO in my position, then it
would open up his/her eyes to all the crossroads we have
to face. They would learn that being incarcerated is not
so good and it would make them put all their efforts into
putting us youngsters into rehabilitation programs. Also,
my mom told me money is not everything. It won't make
you happy, and if it does, then you're an unthoughtful
person. She says money is for survival, and without it,
our family has no structure and we would eventually live
on the streets.
So, to all the people that strive to get money, pursue
on what talents you have to offer to society. So, do you
think money is everything? It's not...
-Chango, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We love the advantages you list for not having money
because they are worth so much more. We also think people with power
would learn to use it more wisely if they had to experience that their
decisions meant. At the same time, it might also work in the other
direction. You might learn, if you got to be in their shoes, that not all
were born into it, and that some people had to make major sacrifices in
their lives to get what they have. Not everyone, but some.
An Innocent Child Made Wile
A creature that runs free and wild,
It's beautiful in the eyes of nature
And in Mother Earth's eyes beguiled
Astoundingly magnificent, but unaware of its danger
Blinded by freedom, it maintains an oblivious demeanor
Protected by Mother Earth and secretly cast out by
society
The creature wanders unknowing like a dreamer
In an instant his world is jarred and gone are his skies
Looked upon by society as a savage
But in his mind run thoughts of an innocent child
Society frightened by the rumors, cast him out like
burdens and baggage
They put him in a cage and his mind runs wild
His mind pumps furiously as he wonders why
He grows numb as he mills with the previously captured
His mind no longer innocent, his eyes refuse to cry
As time slowly flows, freedom is no longer reassured
The creature feeling no longer magnificent and free
But society has him feeling like an outcast
Once released he goes to the life society said he would lead
He throws away his innocence and says good-bye to the past
A creature no longer free but definitely wild.
-Cisco, Santa Clara
From The Beat: For a wild creature, you have a remarkable ability to
tame your words, to make just a few of them count for so much. Don't
surrender to what "society" predicted for you, Cisco! Look deeply within
yourself, and you will find, still, that beautiful child, wanting to love
and be loved. Sometimes, feeling numb is necessary self-protection, but
numb is not the same as gone. You are still there, even though your
innocence has been badly bruised. But even injured, you are full of life
and hope. Saying good-bye to the past is one thing, but someone with
your gifts must never say good-bye to the future!
From Past To Present
Sure, you could say I knew it was a bad idea,
that years would be taken
and leave a dent in my soul.
Tears of disbelief ran down my mother's face
as I stood in silence,
listening to that voice,
a language that felt foreign,
telling my story.
It's been three years now.
I think I have another chance
to change the question:
Is she a fool?
to-
What would you like?
My fear has turned to trust
as I breath in and face the rest.
-L, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: This is a fine poem. And we like the language you're
speaking here. Good work L.
"Yes I Can'
What I would like to say to the new president is, I am glad that
you became president because I believe that you're going to
make a big difference in our life.
With the war, 1 know you'll try to stop it and I love that you
don't start judging people, you help people. Thank you for saying
No against Prop 8 because I believe that everybody should be
treated equally and fair because they are people just like us,
there's no difference. So I think that's a good thing that you
did.
When I found out that you became president I started crying
because you're going to make such a big difference. Financial
problems, health care, and jobs are the main things that people
need help with, especially me because with my financial problems
I am having trouble.
My dad's on disability and we don't have money; we barely
have money for the rent, food, and electricity. I wish we could
have more this Christmas. I didn't get anything for Christmas
'cause we didn't have no money but I didn't care. It just hurt me
that my little sister and brother didn't get a Christmas gift, they
only got a card with candy and they were happy but I started to
cry for them because it hurts seeing my little brother and sister
without nothing under the tree.
The same thing with health care. My dad's really sick right
now, he has diabetes and liver problems but my parents don't
have health care no more. My dad's been in the hospital more
then five times because he's really sick 'cause his liver. The
doctor told him that it's going to take up to five years to get a
new liver. I wish that I could just take my liver out and give it to
him so he could be okay again but sometimes its not that easy.
He's getting sicker each day and I can't see that no more.
But I know you're going to start changing things, I am really
counting on you because you change so much. Obama, what was
so inspirational about you, you said in one of your speeches "yes
we can." That's powerful because you can make a difference, so
can I. "Yes I can" make a difference in my life and get out of here
and go to school and graduate high school. "Yes I can" go to
college and study to be a doctor and do good with my life. "Yes I
can make a difference" a difference but there's a problem.
My parents don't really have enough money for college, I
wish they did, but no matter what I will succeed on going to
college. I promise you, Barack Obama, that I will accomplish on
my dream the same way you did. Thank you so much for making
a change in my life.
-Alicia, Santa Clara
From The Beat: You are going through such a hard time, with your dad
being sick and with all of the financial difficulties you're going through.
How do you feel about being away from your family knowing that your
dad is sick? We know that you must be a valuable source of comfort to
your father and we hope that once you get out you stay out, to help
your dad and to be a better role model to your brother and sis. Great
heartfelt writing!
/EZE2
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I Ain't Mad At You
I ain't mad at you primo, 'cause you put it down.
I feel you right next to me, even though you not around.
You was a well known "g" up in Sacramento
who covered ground, with his gold crown
I remember the phone call when I was in the hall
A tear fell down my cheek as I hit the wall
Then it hit me that my cousin was long gone
Legend to his hood, so his name forever lives on.
I stood strong, because his life was a sad song
Everything that ever happen to him went wrong
I always wondered to myself how he made it through?
He had nothing in life that he could pursue
He held his little brother's body when the slug ripped his
chest
Closed his eyes with his fingers and his head he caressed
He witnessed his step-father take his mothers last breath
Then he used a hammer and beat his step-fathers ass to
death
He did his years and got out on parole
Moved in with my cousin and had himself a set goal
He promised us he'll protect us with his help
We were everything to him, he had nobody else
He was one of a kind, the craziest fool you'd ever meet
Stuff he did would even sometimes scare me
Steve from Sacramento
Bring an army, he'd bring himself and you can't compete
I blame myself when I feel guilt creep
But the truth is he fell victim to these bloody ruthless
streets
And when I sleep at night I could hear my heart beat echoing
away
following my cousin deep weep
He got shot a few times and he still survived
He said he'd never let an enemy take his life
And he was right, 'cause that stupid vato took his own
He said that he'd always live and die by the chrome
He stole my homies gun and I said "the hell
and supposedly before he died he told his lady he "loves
me too".
I never imagined my big cousin being suicidal,
yet again held act like a bleeding brood without her midol.
You didn't just take your life, you took a little piece of
ours
And I still lie to myself and say your floating with the
stars
I miss you fool. ..How much more can I do?
Than lace this game with your name and pour a 40 out for
you
You took a bigger bite, then you thought that you could
chew
But you really took a bite out of what the city fed you
We can't blame each other,
but we could blame the animal living in the jungle of
California's State Capitol
I don't know what it is?
But I do recognize, that it hasn't ate me for the fact I'm
still alive
I've witnessed hell, through these light brown eyes
But compared to what you seen would make an OG cry
So I'll finish what you left and climb up that ladder.
Take care of the family and those who really matter.
Did you wonder what it'd look, if you seen your blood
splatta.
But it's whatever, 'cause I love you and I can't be mad at
ya.
-Jon Jon, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We're sorry for your cousin, for his loss and for the crazy
life he had to put up with. But in this writing, it seems like you are going
to follow his lead. Or are we wrong? Think about what happened to him?
Killed someone, served years in prison, got shot a few times and ended up
taking his own life. Tragic. You don't want this type of life for your life?
Do you? Take care of what's yours and learn from this experience. By the
way, you got a great talent as a writer. Don't throw that away.
Just Because
Prostitutes, go-gettsa, hustlas, and drug dealers
Robbers, thugs, gangsters, and killas
To me it's a daily to see these types of people
And the game has a special hold as my soul keepa
Here's the thing people mess up
Just cuz I'm white don't mean my house aint been shot
up
Just because I have no scars don't mean I haven't been
in a war
And just because I don't cry openly doesn't mean I'm not
sore
Just because I aint been shot don't mean I aint been shot
at
And just because I smoke don't mean I smoke crack
Just because my parents got money don't mean I haven't
lived on the streets
And even though I'm a hustla I have tear stains on my
cheeks
You wouldn't believe my story, even if I told you
You can tell from my writing that this shhh is true
Just open your eyes from racism and see
That just because I'm white doesn't make me one thing
-Walnut, Solano
From The Beat: You understand the frustration of being stereotyped.
Writing is often a great way to authentically express who you are, in
part because it goes beyond immediate appearances.
In My Fresh J's
If you took a walk in my shoes
You'd see money
You'd see females
You'd see the good and the bad side of life
When it comes to bad
You see my family dying
People getting shot and killed
People getting robbed
You see poor
You see people addicted to drugs
You see pain, suffering, guilt
And loneliness
Oh yeah, and depression
When it comes to good
You see love
Peace
You see little children playing
You see happiness
You see friendships
And you see loving family members
If you take a walk in my shoes
This is what you see
-Chubbs, Alameda
From The Beat: This is a great piece, thanks for sharing. You really give
the readers a sense of where you come from and what your life is like,
both the bad and the good. Keep up the writing!
/EZE2
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Como Nos Volvemos Violentos
Hola amigos y amigas. Pues aqui les Saluda Luis.
Respondiendo a la pregunta sobre como los jovenes se
vuelven violentos.
Bueno, desde mi punto de vista, yo digo que se vuelven
violentos cuando se meten en pandillas. Quiza porque lleban
el nombre de un barrio y por defenderlo se pelian. Por el
honor a ese barrio, terminan peliandose hasta matandose.
Yo si era violento tiempos atras cuando empece a
juntarme con pandilleros antes de llegar a este pais cuando
vivia en el DF, Mexico. Ahi empece a meterme en pandillas.
Me peliaba constantemente con otros pandilleros segiin
porque eran mis enemigos y no eran de mi barrio.
En Mexico tube una vida violenta. Despues me vine a este
pais, anduve en pandillas por medio ano, pero todo cambio
cuando conoci a una novia. Ella me conocio pandillero, pero
ella le dio a mi vida un jiro total. Me enseno que la vida es
linda. Me enseno que la vida solo es una, me enseno la palabra
"amor." Aconsejandome me dijo que tomara otro rumbo en
mi vida y que no fuera aquel pandillero del tiempo pasado
porque sino algiin dia mi padres me iban a estar visitando
en la carcel o llebarme flores a un funera. Me dijo que a ese
punto seria un gran dolor para ellos.
Ahora miren donde estoy aqui encerrado en la juvenile.
i,Y por que estoy aqui? Simplemente por un robo que hice
en Diciembre del ano pasado. Mi vida nuevamente cambio
cuando empece a juntarme con un primo. Me dijo que
fueramos a robar.
From The Beat: Se nota que tu vida ha sido ntuy dificil. Gracias a tu
novia pudistes ver la realidad de la vida, pero cometistes un error mas.
Lo principal es que ahora tienes un conocimiento que puedes usar
para tus siguientes pasos de la vida. Mantente alejado de las malas
influencias que te lleben al mismo camino de antes. Si tu novia te dijo
que no eres la persona de antes es porque ella debio haberlo visto en ti.
No pretendas ser la persona que no eres. No te niegues la oportunidad
de ser una persona diferente. Ella es una Buena influencia en tu vida.
Quedate ahi y no andes con tu primo u otro homie.
How We Become Violent
Hi my friends. Well, this is Luis responding back to the
question about how young people become violent.
Well, from my point of view, I say that they become
violent when they get into gangs. Maybe because they claim
the name of a 'hood and for defending it. For the honor of
their gangs, they end up fighting until they kill themselves.
I was violent back in the days when I started hanging
around a gang, before I came to this country in DF, Mexico.
There I started messing with a gang. I would fight constantly
with other gang members just for the simple fact that they
were my enemies and were not from my 'hood.
In Mexico I lived a violent life. Later, I came to this country,
joined a gang for a year and a half, but my life changed when
I met my girlfriend. She met me as a gangster, but turned my
life around totally. She taught me that life is beautiful. She
taught me that life is only one, and taught me the meaning of
the word "love." By giving me advice, she told me to change
my path of life and to stop being the gangster I used to be
because if not one day my parents were going to visit me in
jail or bring me roses to my funeral. She told me that once I
ended up to this point, it was going to create a big pain their
lives.
Now, look at where I am, locked up in juvenile hall. And
why am I here? Well, for a robbery. My life changed totally
again when I started hanging with my cousin. He asked me
to go rob.
-Luis, Fresno
From The Beat: It's obvious how hard your life has been. Thanhs to your
girlfriend, you got to see the reality of life. But you committed another
mistake. The good things about all this are that you now have the
knowledge that you can use for your next steps in life. Keep yourself
away from bad influences that can lead you to past road. Don't deny the
chance to be a different person from yourself. She is a good influence in
your life. Stick with her and not with your cousin or other homie.
Sacrificing For My Future
What I think I have to change about my life to make my
future better is everything I was doing before I got locked
up. I was doing everything that I wasn't supposed to be
doing. I wasn't going to school, I was running with my
ninjas, smoking, sippin' on some drank, goin' to parties,
gettin' with so many females I could've been mistaken for
a pimp. I have a mouthpiece for females. That's how it is
with the men in my family.
There are so many things that I've done wrong in my
life, and when I get out, I'm going to change for the better.
I've decided to stop doing drugs and running the streets
so I can focus on my schoolwork, which I really want
to do so I can have a chance at getting my diploma. I've
become more dedicated to my schoolwork in these past
few months. I took my exit exam, and I think that I did a
good enough job to pass. I tried my best.
I really want to get my diploma because it would open
so many doors for my future, which I'm going to sacrifice
a lot to make sure it will be a good one.
-Donald, San Francisco
From The Beat: Even though your plan seems simple, it is profound.
And if you follow what you've laid out here, we truly believe that the
sacrifices you make today will pay you back a hundred times tomorrow.
Congratulation on doing well on your exit exam, and frame that diploma
when you get it so it can go on the wall right next to the college degree
you'll earn afterwards...
Fulfilling Her Dream
Wow! You know I've never really sat down and thought
about what I would sacrifice for my future! I mean yeah I
can name off some things like sacrificing my drug habit,
how I spend my time, yeah those are easy to sacrifice,
but I don't think I could make the sacrifice that my mom
made!
Gosh I admire her so much, she had to quit school
and she had to stop going out and partying with her
friends, just to have me. Those parties turned into jobs
and her dream of being a nurse faded away. Dang!
Now she had to take care of me and her life revolved
around that. But now that I'm older she fulfilling her
dream, she now a registered nurse R.N. Working a good
job with not as much money worries, yeah she struggles
sometimes, but not as much as she did back then.
I really don't think I could do what my mom did, but I
guess that's why she's my mom and I love her! Moms rock
socks! Lol! Well I'm out!
-Lil' Skittles, Solano
From The Beat: It sounds like your Mom re-organized her priorities
when you were young, and it's cool she was able to return to school and
achieve her dream. We hope it helps you to understand her — to know
and appreciate this part of her life.
SMJfc
nz?
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Changing My Womanizing Ways
To change my future for the better and make things easier
for myself I think I need to change my womanizing ways
and stop being involved with so many women at one time.
It gets kind of difficult to juggle all those women. Then
they start complaining about how they feel neglected and
I don't spend enough time with them. I wear myself thin
trying to keep them all happy. And when feelings start
to develop, that just complicates things even more. What
can I say, I don't want to be a player no more.
-B, Alameda
From The Beat: This is an important piece, B. Your current situation
sounds stressful for you, and also for the women involved. It also sounds
very time consuming. Ideally, what kind of relationship would you like
to have? And what are the challenges you see yourself facing?
What Goes Around Conies Around
What's crackin'? This is Jon Jon placing some words
in your face about my perspective of luck. Some believe
it's a false superstition. Others think it's the reason stuff
happens to them.
Me, I like using the superstition of luck. But the truth
is it's a law of attraction. You pull positively or negativity
into your surroundings, like a magnet, except you don't
attract the opposite.
When you going around acting a fool and messing
shhh up, a boomerang of what you consider bad luck will
hit you from behind. When you doing cool and doing good
things, good things will happen.
What goes around, comes around, but hit harder. I
have a homebody named Mac. He always has cool shhh
going good for him. All the homies consider him hella
lucky. We even started calling him clover because he
attracts luck, like a four leaf clover but really he just
cool and laid back. He just handles situations when they
comes his way or when we bring them his way.
Me and my canal are now unlucky. It always seems
like messed up shhh always happens to us. But in reality,
we be messing shhh up for ourselves. Yeah, we'll go
out looking for trouble and getaway. But trouble always
comes back looking for us to catch us on the rebound.
-Jon Jon, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It's like you said, if you're handling things right, good
things will come your way, but if it not, then your current situation is
the result of your actions. What would change the way your destiny is
going? You should try to do things right and see what can come out of
it. Give it a shot. Your life situation can change from bad to good.
A dp Male Me Realize
I'm going to write about me. I'm locked up because I
wanted to start funk with an undercover.
I thought he wanted problems 'cause he was hella
staring at us. So we went up to him and asked him where
he was from. He said nowhere and said to leave the school
before he knocks me out.
I got mad so I started walking up to him to hit him and
he pulled out a gun telling me to get on the ground. I was
talking smack to him so he slammed me to the wall.
He took me to the place where they take your
fingerprints and talked to me about why I got "*#@&
love" on my wrist. He thought I got it because some girl
broke my heart. I told him," No, me and my girl are doing
fine. It's about something else." So he started talking and
asking me questions and he actually made sense.
A cop was making me realize what I got and what I'm
doing to my mom and my girlfriend by being in here. I'm
gonna try to change for them. It's gonna be hard but I'm
gonna do it because I love them both.
-Daniel, Santa Clara
From The Beat: You lucked out, you should feel lucky. You didn't die that
night but what if you come across someone mean mugging again? You
might not be so lucky then. Don't take this close call to the head and
just chalk it up to luck 'cause luck won't always be there to pull you out
of another sticky situation.
lust don't sacrifice your life for
the negative stuff in life, Mif
whole family is a screw up, hut
that doesn't mean I have to he
one too. 1
Sacrifice
Sacrificing is a very hard thing to do. In my opinion,
is extremely hard. I've been incarcerated my whole life,
mostly,- and all I've heard is people talking lots of shhh
and tons of peer pressure.
Me, being a ward of the state and all my life and I
personally sometimes want to blame the government for
my failures even though I know it's my own fault. I was
put in places where others did drugs, fought and were
active gang members. I was raised around that stuff and
then people expect me not to except it as a way of life.
I think it was their error in putting me in those
environments, but I am also aware that I am 100%
responsible for my actions that is something that they
have had no control over. My point to all this is that
just take responsibility for your actions. I learned that
if someone wants to talk their mouth off then let them,
especially if you know you can beat their ass.
Drugs be above the influence of others. Just don't
sacrifice your life for the negative stuff in life. My whole
family is a screw up, but that doesn't mean I have to be
one too. Just think about it.
-Mike, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Wherever you go, you will witness the same type of
environment. But whether you get hooked or not, it's your choice and
mistake, like you've said. We understand that growing in an environment
full of negativity guided you to be the person you are, but what about
now? You're an adult. You have hands, legs, and a brain to do anything
you want in life. Now let's turn the page over, what do you think can
make your life and choices easier?
r
SMJfc
nz?
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Lucky Or Unlucky
x
I feel like right now I'm unlucky. But to me, you make
your own luck by the way you carry yourself. People treat
you accordingly. I know I'm in here because of my own
actions, but I know when I get out I'ma go back to my
lucky ways,
I've got a master plan that will keep me out of here,
and luck has nothing to do with it. Every time something
goes wrong, people say they're just not lucky. But they
don't notice that it might be their mistakes that brought
the bad luck.
I've learned to use my luck, good or bad.
-Nothing But Time, San Francisco
From The Beat: Having a plan for success puts the luck in lucky. We
agree that most "luck" or "unluclc" is the result of the choices we make,
so if being here has caused you to plan to make different choices, then
you should be able to put this unhappy experience behind you and
move forward in freedom.
In The Halls
Man, I been up in here for thee months now... OMFG! I
am so ready to get out of here. I was sittin' in my room
lookin out the window the other day just wishing...
wishing I was out, feeling the business of the streets of
San Francisco. I hate being in here. It's not the place for
me. This shhh is draining me. Making me lazy.
I know The Beat is gone ask me, "What are you going
to do to change? How will you stay out of here?" Well, I'm
tired of hearing those questions. The questions I wanna
hear are: How'd you survive? Can I have your autograph?
Did you learn from your mistakes?
All I'm sayin is I just need to get out and finish doing
my music thing! Go back to the studio and make music.
That's what I'm missing being in the "Halls."
-Dow Jones, San Francisco
From The Beat: How'd you survive? Can we have your autograph? Did
you learn from your mistakes?
Will Goes Ariunl Games Around
\
What's crackin'? This is Jon Jon placing some words
in your face about my perspective of luck. Some believe
it's a false superstition. Others think it's the reason stuff
happens to them.
Me, I like using the superstition of luck. But the truth
is it's a law of attraction. You pull positively or negativity
into your surroundings, like a magnet, except you don't
attract the opposite.
When you going around acting a fool and messing
shhh up, a boomerang of what you consider bad luck will
hit you from behind. When you doing cool and doing good
things, good things will happen.
What goes around, comes around, but hit harder. I
have a homebody named Mac. He always has cool shhh
going good for him. All the homies consider him hella
lucky. We even started calling him clover because he
attracts luck, like a four leaf clover but really he just
cool and laid back. He just handles situations when they
comes his way or when we bring them his way.
Me and my canal are now unlucky. It always seems
like messed up shhh always happens to us. But in reality,
we be messing shhh up for ourselves. Yeah, we'll go
out looking for trouble and getaway. But trouble always
comes back looking for us to catch us on the rebound.
-Jon Jon, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It's like you said, if you're handling things right, good
thing will come your way, but it not, then your current situation is
the result of your actions. What would change the way your destiny is
going? You should try to do things right and see what can come out of
it. Give it a shot. Your life situation can change from bad to good.
J L
\
Wkit I Heel
My future is to be a staff at Juvenile Hall.
I have to give up a lot of things like my friends.
Also I have to give up the place I live and go to a good
college.
I have to give up a lot in this world
but it's a sacrifice that I need to succeed in life.
I'm going to do this for me and my family,
the people that I love and need in this world.
What I need is what I'm going to achieve.
-Lil' Joker, Alameda
From The Beat: It can be really empowering to know that what you
need is something you can control. You know how to get to where you
want to be, you just have to turn that plan into action. Take that first
step now, keep up school, so you'll be able to reach that goal.
\
Sacrifice
Sacrificing is a very hard thing to do. In my opinion,
is extremely hard. I've been incarcerated my whole life,
mostly,- and all I've heard is people talking lots of shhh
and tons of peer pressure.
Me, being a ward of the state and all my life and I
personally sometimes want to blame the government for
my failures even though I know it's my own fault. I was
put in places where others did drugs, fought and were
active gang members. I was raised around that stuff and
then people expect me not to except it as a way of life.
I think it was their error in putting me in those
environments, but I am also aware that I am 100%
responsible for my actions that is something that they
have had no control over. My point to all this is that
just take responsibility for your actions. I learned that
if someone wants to talk their mouth off then let them,
especially if you know you can beat their ass.
Drugs be above the influence of others. Just don't
sacrifice your life for the negative stuff in life. My whole
family is a screw up, but that doesn't mean I have to be
one too. Just think about it.
-Mike, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Wherever you go, you will witness the same type of
environment. But whether you get hooked or not, it's your choice and
mistake, like you've said. We understand that growing in an environment
full of negativity guided you to be the person you are, but what about
now? You're an adult. You have hands, legs, and a brain to do anything
you want in life. Now let's turn the page over, what do you think can
make your life and choices easier?
r
SMJfc
nz?
// ' ////// ' // ' ///
'//// //
The Struggle
I think the rich wouldn't be able to survive in the shoes
of the poor. They wouldn't know about how the poor
struggle because they haven't experienced it. They're
used to havin dough in their pockets.
If they lived the life of a poor man for one day they
wouldn't be able to take it and they would be ready to
return to their old life. If a judge spent a week in jail they
probably would stop sentencing young people to jail for
so long for misdemeanors and violations.
My family doesn't really know about living poor. I grew
up in a family of middle class, my auntie has a decent
job. I may not have everything I want but she provides
everything I need.
If there is something I want Ima get on my money
game and cop that D-game, connive, or work to get it but I
will get it! But I don't really know how it feels to struggle.
Aight I'm gonc.T's up.
-Juice, Solano
From The Beat: We wish there was a way for people to really understand
how others live. Maybe it would be easier to make changes in our
communities if we did. We're glad you're motivated to work for what
you want!
Listen
\
Street game, street fame. What's it all about? Nothin' but
incarceration or six feet under. The thrill is breathtaking,
but isn't worth it. I know and everybody else who is doing
hard time knows it. It ain't worth a family member's life or
your own. I mean who will die for you? Or who will take a
sentence of a year or more for you? You're not even going
to take the rap for anybody.
Some people do take the rap for their so- called
homies, not knowing that the person they took the rap
for is out there messing with their mind and emotions.
Just know that your only friends is your family. So to
the wise, think of your family and yourself before you do
something stupid and get put behind bars. Much love to
the homies. Late.
-Saetern, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It sounds so obvious, so simple, but obviously it's neither
since it often takes the harsh consequence to motivate the thinking
you're asking everyone to do. But if your words can save even one
person from having to experience what you're experiencing, that will
be a great accomplishment.
Unlucky
Right now I consider myself unlucky, every time I get
back on my feet I do some thing wrong. It's because of
my decisions I make at times like I was post to go home
yesterday, but the week before that I wrote something and
they said it was "gang related." Every time I do something
it always has to do with that. So to every body think twice
before you do some thing.
Every time you don't think you will get in trouble you
probably will. When my PO finds out what happen this
week I hope he won't send me to Fouts or back to the
hall. Hope he gives me a break. I'm post to get out soon,
in March been here for about 9 months.
I pray it all goes well for me. I don't talk to much
people cause I'm going crazy think about snap'n-may
snap on you for the simple reason why? That's why I stick
to myself. Unlucky.
-Think'n bout Snap'n, Solano
From The Beat: We know who you are and have carefully edited your
pieces for the Beat every week. That piece last week was evaluated
before we could edit. This is your last opportunity to give yourself a
chance to consider a different life before you are released. You do not
need to change your being, your self — but you need to change your
actions if you want to have a life! We wish you luck.
J L
Karma!!!
\
Man I'm not into luck but I do believe in karma, karma
hit me so many times I'm tired of doing wrong, so all I
think about is what's going to happen if I do this or that.
I believe in karma so much that I help others for it can
come back when ever I'm in need.
For example, I was going to the store and there was
a guy asking for money, he asked for a dollar and I gave
him five, then a couple days later I walked into a store
and I was hungry. I just went to use the bathroom, I found
twenty dollars sitting on the ground, I was happy, that
brighten my whole day.
But karma isn't always good because it hurts you
down forever. I remember I was going to a school with a
lot of trouble makers, and I wasn't thinking, me and my
friends went to take somebody stuff. Then two years later
I wasn't thinking of doing nothing illegal and I was going
to my uncle house and these other gang members saw me
walking, it was close to mid-night, and they ran up on me
with a gun. I didn't know what to do. They took my money
and everything, but I thank God I wasn't shot-so that was
karma too.
-Cutthroat Ray, Solano
From The Beat: We think it all matters, and that what you think about
the world, and what you put out into the world is what you will believe
about the world and what you will get back.
One Person, Many People
Money can buy the world if you have enough of it but
money doesn't necessarily bring you happiness,
Out in the streets, I made innocent people become
victims. Inside I'm hurting going through personal
issues.
I stay quiet on how I really feel, but deep down I want
somebody to listen.
At night I look at these walls that grabbed me. My
heart's aching from all the broken promises,
They say for you to love and you will be loved, but that's
just to get you to believe in something.
Once you open your heart and it's crushed, it seems
you'll never get back that same feeling.
Why even try to find the one when all the ones before
were deceitful.
Trying now to have fun, but a big portion of me is missing.
Why is life so hard, and how come "why" is always the
question no one can always answer.
You can take it step-by-step and still come to the same
question.
Guessing won't help, and trying to find it will just lead
you to get lost in a sea of letters.
Where did it begin and when will it all end? I'm so tired
of living in this illusion.
Voices talking, but none directly to me. My mind says
otherwise; now I'm gone into heavy thinking.
I talk back and hear no reply. No one knows what I'm saying.
I speak English, but in a different sense where every
time I fall into my own conversations.
Only a few can keep up, but really it's only one with
many shadows.
-Crazy L, Santa Clara
From The Beat: In a way, we are all many people at different times.
But what we find so interesting about this piece is that you make it
sound like the various people you find within yourself carry on their
own conversations with each other. How does that work? Do you hear
different voices? Do your conversations lead you anywhere? What is
the illusion you're so tired of living? Are there steps that you can take
(or any of your many shadows can take) to make life less difficult, to
give you a sense that the future will be easier than the past? We hope
that you haven't given up on love, even if your heart has been crushed,
because nobody knows what — or who — is around the next corner.
r
SMJfc
nz?
// ' ////// ' // ' ///
'//// //
Sacrifice
Right now all that's important to me is my friends, girls,
and getting high, yacked out, and drinkin. I steal, lie,
cheat and hurt people who don't have a fightin chance.
I hang wit the friends and we always lookin for a way to
get into trouble.
But I'm gonna have to change all of that so I can join
the Marine Corps and I'll be forced to sacrifice all that
because in the corps they drug test you, and your girls
probley gonna warm up to someone else.
You can't workout 22 hours a day if you drink every
night, and you can't keep skippin school or you'll probley
blow yourself up~heck you can't even get into the corps
without a high school diploma.
And for some reason I don't have a problem given any
of that stuff up.
-Ace, Solano
From The Beat: Interesting that you say you don't have a problem giving
up the things that you started out saying were all that's important to
you. So why are you willing to sacrifice them for the Marine Corps? Or
is it for you, and your future?
Sacrificing For My Future
First off, I know I gots to give up my "associates." The
reason being is because your "associates" are going to
bring you down no matter what! Ain't nothing holding me
back from this sacrifice. It's already in full effect!
I'm making three types of sacrifices so I could be with
my son at all times, instead of being up in JJC. OR 850!
Jail ain't got nothing but violence and homosexuality. I
ain't involved in neither one! Peace!
-Nicoya, San Francisco
From The Beat: You wrote that you're making "three types of sacrifices,"
but you only give us one example. What are the other two sacrifices you
are making? We hope you get out of here and back with your son soon,
because that's where you belong and that's where you want to be.
Happy Valentine's Day, My Love
x
Happy Valentines Day, love, to the fullest. No girl will
take me from you, so I hope I get the same in return. It's
one love, one life, one struggle, so we will get through
this. Stay strong.
Also Beat, I been going on OT, so that's been helping
me get through these days. Hopefully I get sentenced
fast so I could start my time and be out once again living
that life I always dreamed of having with a mother who's
always there for me, my sweet sisters and nephews right
along with my niece.
No one's perfect, but I have realized a lot. I want a lot
in life, but I'm the one that gots to be a success to get
it — from getting married to my wife Elissa aka Precious,
to graduating from college — live the life I always been
running from. Well, I should say I got halfway robbed
from it.
So Beat, stay up. Plus to the homeboys, do what you
got to do and keep your head up high. Don't look back.
To my primo Eagle, stay focused on the day you wake up
to be strong. Well, time to cut it, but to all, keep a good
mind frame on your shoulders. Gone. One love, one life,
one struggle.
-Peanutt, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We think the life you want — to be a man with a loving
family, a decent job, an education — has been more than halfway robbed
from you. You may have been running from it, but until you were able
to think like an adult, you didn't know what you were running from.
Now you're running toward something good , and we know you will get
there. In the meantime, we hope you don't forget about The Beat. We
want to know what you find at the Y, how your experiences continue
to broaden you, and to be able to pass on your wisdom to our many
I
\
If They dull Hani
Can the rich put themselves in the shoes of the poor?
HAHAHAHA! If they could hang. Rich people will never
understand of what life is like to live a struggle.
What kind of question is "can rich people learn about
the experiences of the poor?" Hell nah they won't learn
How you gonna try to learn some with out livin' by it.
The only way to know how it's like to live a struggle is by
experiencing life as a struggle.
-Baby, Solano
From The Beat: It's unlikely that many people with money will experience
the struggle of poor people. Some believe that people do care about
others less fortunate, especially when they know more about what's
really going on. What kind of communication might work?
Luck) Or Unlucky?
\
Wha's up, Beat? Once again I would like to give much
respect to the homeboys out there. This is the homeboy,
G, coming at you. Well, today I am going to be writing
about luck. I do somewhat consider myself lucky. But, at
the same time, I feel not so lucky.
I do feel lucky, because at this moment, I could be
dead. Maybe there is a reason why I am in here. I could
have died on the outs. But I don't feel so lucky, also,
because even though I am alive, I am incarcerated and I
am going to be in here for a long time, and I won't be able
to see my family and homeboys.
I kind of feel that luck comes and goes. Sometimes
things go your way and sometimes they don't, it kind
of depends on the situation. The luckiest person I have
ever met is probably my grandmother. I think she is the
luckiest person, because she made my mom and had a
loving family. Even though she is gone, I know she lived a
good life.
Well, Beat, I'ma go for now. All right, then.
-Baby G, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Do you ever think that luck (or bad luck) comes in
groups? You might have a bunch of lucky things happen together, and
then you might have a bunch of unlucky things happen. We think you
are even luckier than you know because you realize that being in here
has some benefits, which leaves you feeling upbeat and positive. That's
the kind of attitude that brings good luck with it.
Until That Day
Who are they to say
That I need to change?
Who are they to say
If they have never felt my pain?
How can the rich feel our pain
If they have a good house to go to the next day?
How can they live our lives
If they have never felt locked inside?
Maybe one day
I won't need to change.
Maybe one day we will switch sides.
Maybe one day
They will realize
How everything is slow when it comes to time.
Maybe one day
The judges will need to change
When they're locked up 24 hours a day.
Until that day
I am stuck in here for 24 hours pain
To feel everyday.
-Angel, FRESNO
From The Beat: Your poem reminds us to treat each other like human
beings and empathize before we act or judge. Keep writing, and using
poetry to tell your side of the story.
r
SMJfc
nz?
// ' ////// ' // ' /// ' #,
///// //
at fimix
f I70M£JJ ff&ffl k
Are You Lucky
Lucky or unlucky? I think that the difference between
the words is obvious. If you're lucky, you get things in
life and you succeed if you're not, you end up here with
us. Luck is like karma with a different word. If you do
good things, good happens to you. And for the bad things
you do, you end up with us. Obviously if you want to
have good luck, do good, and I'm sure you want god luck.
But continue in the bad direction, and you know what
happens.
I think the luckiest person or people in the world are
the ones who have what they want. And the unlu8ckiest
people are us in the max units. Well, not me as much
'cause I only have 12-18 months. But to the others who
are doing years, they will always be in my prayers. Much
love to all.
-M Vest, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Are you using those 12-18 months to carve out a better
future for yourself? If you use this time to advance your education, to
learn as much as you can about living on the outs without risking your
freedom or your life, to build your loving relationships, then you will be
a very lucky person, indeed!
What's Been on my Mind
Comin' back to bein' locked-up has messed with my
head a whole lot. With my birthday one week ahead and
family problems also got a ninja think bout my master
plan that's supposed to keep me out here.
Keepin' my head up at all times not trustin' no
females, wit no religious beliefs, dependin'on the fast
money coming out the streets, getting' tired of getting
locked up. Only leave a ninja wit a few choices.
Don't want to get a job cause the money they be given
away. Tired switchin high schools, they trippin on me
smoking, drinkin, and lighting up my Newports getting
on my nerves. Dope prices hella high I'm not about to give
them what they want. Women aint about shhh these days
but givin ninjas a STD, can't be trusted hard to find wifey
material.
The system is messed up, waitin to see what Obama
going to do. Sometimes I feel glad that I cam to jail cause
it gave me time to think bout really getting' on my shhh
and that what I'm do and aint nothin' getting' in my way.
Man it's hard to find ninjas like me these days, that's
why I know how to keep certain ninjas in my circle cause
you can't mess with everybody.
I'll see you when I see you man and best believe I'm
make it do what it do. Peace.
-Brand New 3000, Alameda
From The Beat: One thing Obama has done is made funds available for
people to finish high school and go to college. If you do both those
things, you'll make more money over your lifetime (than if you didn't —
statistically) and you won't have to get locked up! Maybe you should
take the GED? (Peace)
Sacrificing For The Future
I don't know if I'm sacrificing but I'm willing to stop
everything that I did in the past that was tearing my life
apart and willing to make the path for my future more
successful and brighter.
Drinking and smoking on the outs is just tearing my
life apart and robbing people and roaming the streets just
don't do no good for me.
Listening to my parents will better my future for me
because they know what's right for my future.
-Halatoa, Alameda
From The Beat: How does it feel to be sober and clean for awhile? What
do you want for your future? It's good to listen to your parents, and to
your self as well.
66B For Life
\
Chorus (X2)
Triple 6 for life triple 6 for life, triple 6 for life
Verse
As a youngster I wanted to hang with the older men.
I wanted to eat the flesh of my enemies and show no
love.
I hated every being because they hated me.
They used to call me Satanloks, and now I throw away
that name
Like it means nothing no more.
I used to say, "Forget the east, south, north and west"
And hail Satan 'cause that's all that mattered.
I take it back.
Now I'm down with Christ.
But my best friend still haunts me and will never stop.
I talk to him in my dreams and visions, but never see his face.
I got to keep my enemies closer and my friends out of
sight.
I used to be a slave; I used to be a psychopath and
I keep hitting the wall to let the pain go away.
What's there to say? The walls close in
And they put me in the chains of hell.
Why? Why am I a slave? Why am I afraid 'til this day?
Now I'm working towards my future to be a wrestler,
Get a house and a beautiful wife.
I used to be down to sacrifice and torture; now I lost my
touch.
I back down too much. It feels like this ain't me no
more.
But I feel better, and just feel free.
I used to watch my sisters get beat and never did a thing
'Cause I listened to Satan.
Now I'm free; now I can defend them, fight for their life.
My family's love is the only thing that changed my life,
But I guaranteed that if I never would've changed my
ways
I know y'all been dead. Man, I just can't stop. Amen.
Chorus (X3)
-Moe Joe, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We're confused by your title, MJ. You make it sound like
you're about to salute Satan r but then you write how bad your life was
before you let Satan go and gave your life to Christ. We love what you
wrote, but think you should consider changing the title.
Thoughts On Death
J L
Life's hard and than you die. Death is everywhere. That's
something you can't escape, something that is prone to
happen. I mean, death is not just get hit up. People die all
kinds of ways. So when death come for me, my chin up
high, hand on my crotch, looking that grim reaper right in
the eye. Feel no pity for myself, but for the people I leave
behind. I wont be able to feel, or will I? But I know for
sure they will, everybody that got love for me.
So for a ninja like me, it's important to live every day
like your last, because you never know when death is
coming. Life is the greatest gift given, but most overlooked
and least appreciated until it is no longer. Death is treated
more delicate and most looked at knowing that people
look at life after death. When I die, the whole world gone
know me. Or will they?
-Pinky An' The Brain, San Francisco
From The Beat: Last month, the writer John Updike died. He left the
following poem about death: "It came to me the other day:/ Were I to
die, no one would sayj 'Oh, what a shame! So young, so full/ Of promise
- depths unplumbable!/ Instead, a shrug and tearless eyes/ Will greet my
overdue demise;/ The wide response will be, I know,/ 'I thought he died
a while ago.'/ For life's a shabby subterfuge,/ And death is real, and
dark, and huge./ The shock of it will register/ Nowhere but where it will
occur." Is death the end of everything, or the beginning?
r
SMJfc
nz?
// ' ////// ' // ' ///
'//// //
Life Strange
Wats good Beat this young Nuttso about to get at yall
about how life strange.
Life strange because we born to die and the bible
give us certain rules to live by like honor thy mother and
father. And if you don't you sinning.
But everywhere you go its rules and some people cant
really follow rules because they got a mind that say heck
rules but life is short and tomorrow aint promise that's
why you got to live life to the fullest and stay outta jail
feel me-but I'm gone Beat.
-Young Nuttso, Alameda
From The Beat: It seems like you're saying that it's more important to
realize that we can be grateful for all we have, instead of fighting
rules. We think it's important to decide what you're really dedicated to
fighting for, thankful that we're able to live to love and know what's
important to us.
Sacrificing For My Future
\
To make my future better. I'll sacrifice the time I've
spent doing wrong things to make them right. The thing
that's keeping me from making the sacrifice is being kept
behind this wall.
My mom has made plenty of sacrifices to help me
become a man, and this is the way I repay her. I'd give
up anything for my mom, except for my life because that
would hurt her more then anything.
Me and a friend of mine had a saying "To be successful,
sacrifices must be made." The other way of saying this is,
"Sacrifices must be made to be successful."
-Ballard, San Francisco
From The Beat: We often read pieces where the writer proclaims that
he would "die" for his mother, which is why we especially like your
thoughtful rejection of that particular "sacrifice." (What mother would
want her son to sacrifice his life for hers? We can think of none.) We
hope you are saving these wonderful pieces and showing them to your
mom because, despite where you are and what you have done to get
here, we know she must be proud of how much you've matured, and of
the future you've now dedicated yourself to achieving.
Checking In
What's up, Beat? This is your girl, Angel, aka Shay,
writing from the girls' unit. I go to court on March 19. I'm
ready to see what's going to happen. I might go home or
to this transitional house. We shall see. I'm trying to keep
my thoughts clear and free of bad shhh that will end me
back up in here. I just want to at least graduate from high
school and take it from there.
I've been through so much shhh and I'm tired of
coming to jail. It's getting played out. Plus, I'm getting
closer to eighteen and I can't be getting the D-cases going
to 850. Man, I'm just trying to keep my head to the sky,
but not in the clouds, ya dig? Your girl trying to make it in
life and get out of this poverty. For me, my mom, my dad,
and my future kids, I'ma make it. I promised myself I will.
I know it's gone take determination, patience, endurance,
but I will.
God's got my back, and I know my mom is looking
down on me from the sky. But, anyway, that's all for this
week. I'll write next week. P.S. I don't ever see my stuff in
this Beat. What's up with that?
-Tercha Angel, San Francisco
From The Beat: We're not sure why you haven't found your writing in
The Beat. If this is an example, it should be seen by all. Keep your goals
simple and achievable. Don't try to change everything, just one thing at
a time. If you follow through on graduating from high school, so many
other problems will be solved at the same time! When you examine your
life on the outs, what is the one thing that keeps bringing you bade?
If you can look at that one most important thing (Drug use? Alcohol?
Anger?) and focus just on that, you'll realize just how much you can
J L
Lucky Or Unlucky
\
The luckiest person I ever had in my life was my step
dad. If my mom never met my step dad, I would never
know how to have manners or know how to be respectful.
He taught me a lot of things that I know today. I really
miss his ass. But now he's gone. He passed away on 12-
5-05. Now I just gotta go on with time. And whatever he
taught me I'm going to have to teach his son which is my
little brother.
The Unluckiest person... Well, I've met a lot of those
people so I'm not going to write about them.
-Ceaser, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It warms us to read such a tribute to your stepfather.
Mostly we read in The Beat about fathers that abandon their children
or, in some way, are selfishly focused on themselves. Your step dad is
not really gone because he continues to live in and through you, as you
live by the decent things he taught you, and as you pass them on to
your own brother.
Greetings
Well, first, I would like to send my love to all the
homeboys that I know and that know me. I will like to
send my respect to all the homeboys staying solid. With
that said, what's up, Beat? As you could see, I'm Cisco,
the real one, the one with real poems. There is another
Cisco in the hall, but don't mistake me. I'm the one who
rhymes in his poems.
Well, I'm still here, but I'm done with my court
situation. I've been in here for a little bit over a year. On
January 27th, I got sentenced to ten years. Pretty wack,
huh? But to make my matter worse, I have to do my time
with two strikes hanging over my head. Now that's some
BS. Ten with two was the DA's (from adult courts) plea
bargain. I asked for something with one strike, but he
wasn't having it. He didn't even take in consideration that
I didn't hurt no one. But I can't change what is done. All I
could do is stay strong and ask the man up above to help
me get through this struggle without catching my third
and final strike. I see my situation as if I was punched in
the jaw and got knocked out.
Now that I'm sentenced... I woke up on January 29 of
'08. 1 fired a gun at a car with two people in it. Of course it
wasn't like an action movie where someone that is about
20 yards away, shoots and hits his target and the car
crashes, and all that movie action shhh happens. I shot
twice. One hit the car and the other missed and traveled
through a restaurant window and into a beverage fridge.
I am so thankful that I'm not here for accidentally
murdering an innocent person. You should be thankful
for not being at that restaurant and getting a soda.
But, yeah, I took a deal, or should I say, I was forced
to take a deal? If I would have taken it to trial, I had about
a 70% chance of losing. They were tryna get your boy for
attempt, which is stupid, because no one was injured.
Anyways, I'm just chillin', trying to stay away from
punks and half-breed wannabees. Well, Beat, Im'a let
you go so you could publish mines. To all doing time,
look at the brighter side. Also, to all the females in the
girls' units, much love, and stay strong and sexy. Because
when this gangster walks free, I'ma be looking for a good-
looking dime.
-Cisco, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Ten years plus two strikes is a big price to pay, Cisco,
but when you consider how close your actions came to something far
more serious, it's a kind of blessing. We hate when anyone has to go to
prison, but at least you won't have the burden of someone's death on
your conscience forever, and you will be able to get through this time
and start a new life. Develop those "chillin' skills," because state prison
is not much better than juvenile hall for being filled with punks and
snitches and people without a thought of the future. So, watch your
back while you nourish your head and heart. And keep writing!
SMJfc
nz?
// ' ////// ' // ' /// ' #,
///// //
at fimix
f I70M£JJ ff&ffl k
Get It How You Live
Get it how you live, is what I was told and now I did it
my childhood was put on hold,
when I was stripped of my innocence it was like a loss
of virginity
and it took many long years to find my true identity,
so I turned to the streets to turn a new leaf
and I found myself being swallowed by the streets,
when they spit me out I landed in jail
and that's how I started my new living hell,
so I pinched myself and it wasn't a dream
and reality hit and I didn't want to intervene,
I found out getting it how you live is the naked truth
but you will never find a ninja that's bulletproof
I find that life is like baseball,
three strikes you're out or you could get knocked down
in these streets and be out for the count
in these Oakland streets you gotta walk after you've
crawled
and if you've accomplished that then you deserve a round
of an applause
Life is like a box of chocolates,
but sometimes you have to receive what you get,
because tomorrow is not promised to you and your past
will be a debate,
so enhance your thoughts and arouse your hands,
because getting it how you live is more physical than you
think.
-Meezy, Alameda
From The Beat: You may have walked before you crawled but now your
mind is standing tall if you take the thoughts you've had in the hall and
stick with them outside then you'll never fall!
Younger Kids
The last two times I came here, I've been seeing kids
younger and younger for crimes more serious than me. I
be looking at them like, "If I was your big brother I would
beat yo' lil' ass." I always ask them their situation at
home, and they tell me it's cool, but I see in their face that
it's bad. So if you got a lil' brother, pay more attention to
them before they end up on the wrong path.
-ER-Daddy-O, San Francisco
From The Beat: We wish everybody would think of their little brothers
or sisters before they do the things that lead them here. If you don't
want you're little brother doing what you're doing, then don't do it!
We're curious, though, whether you really think beating their ass would
change their behavior. After all, how many times do you think they've
already had their ass beat before getting here? Is there any other way
to make people think about what they're doing to themselves and to
Tears In Manna's Eyes
\
Dadadoe! What's good with The Beat, maine? Well, I ain't
got that much on my mind, so today my topic is being
locked up. Maine, being locked up is messed up because
you can't see your girl, your fam, and especially yo' moms.
Everybody that's in juvenile halls should thank yo' mom
for supporting you and being there for you when you need
somebody.
Man, I feel bad because I'm putting tears in my
momma's eyes because I got locked up. When I see my
mom cry, then it makes me want to kick somebody's butt.
So my advice to you is stay out of the halls and keep your
mom proud. (I love you, Momma!) Everybody in the halls
keep your head up.
-Harry Potter, San Francisco
From The Beat: When you see your mom crying because you're here,
whose butt do you want to kick? Seems like the only butt that needs
kicking is yours! But your mom doesn't want you to luck yourself, she
wants you to stop doing the things that let the system take you away
from her. She wants you to put tears of joy in her eyes, and not tears of
pain. So, how are you going to follow your own advice to "stay out the
halls and keep your mom proud?"
Sacrificing For My Future
those that love them?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Man, the way my life going, I have to give up a lot to
change my future. I'm seventeen. I'm running the streets
with all my friends, smoking weed and staying out hella
late. Things I gotta sacrifice is being with my friends,
because being with them, I missed out on my daughter's
life. I felt like I abandoned my one-year-old daughter. She
barely even like me. To me, I think she love my grandma
as a mother more than me, 'cause when she cry, she don't
even come to me. She will run to my grandma before me,
'cause she barely know me as her mother, 'cause I choose
to be in the streets than to be at home with my daughter.
To be honest, the only thing keeping me from making
the sacrifice of not being with my friends is not wanting
to be at home. I like to be out enjoying myself, but
sometimes you gotta give up the things you like doing to
get somewhere in life. For my momma and my grandma,
I would sacrifice anything for them, because I love them
and they helped me so much with my daughter, while I
been a mess up towards my daughter.
-Priscilla, San Francisco
From The Beat: You say you would sacrifice anything for your mom
or grandma, but what have you sacrificed for them? In truth, you've
sacrificed your mother-daughter relationship because you were too
young to have a child. It's not a surprise that you want to be out in
the streets with your friends instead of at home with your own child,
because you are still experimenting with your own childhood. But you
did have a child, so now is the time to put away childish things and step
up to your responsibilities. It will not only save your child from what
you have had to go through, it will also save you.
Sacrificing For My Future
What's up, Beat? I need to stop twistin' that pizzle. What
was keeping me from doing it was that I thought it was the
best feeling in the world, being up in the many galaxies.
The truth is, I've been clean for a month, and it's a
good feeling. I know what I'm doing. I do miss trippin'
hard, but I still trip a little.
Tweaking made life at home so difficult. I let my mom
find out and everything went upside down. My mom did
sacrifice a lot, too much for me to be hurting her this way.
We're practically broke because of me.
I have to stay sober. It's a little sacrifice. I'd rather
sacrifice that, then the love of my jefita. Peace out Beat.
-Blank, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Surround yourself with clean, sober friends and family
who want to help you kick this habit. It's going to be hard but like you
said, tweakin' isn't half as good as having family.
J L
Lucky Or Unlucky
What up Beat? I'm writing 'bout being lucky or unlucky,
and if I'm lucky. To tell the truth, luck comes from one
person. That person creates his/her luck. Say, if a person
is having a good life or a good time in that moment,
then they will probably have luck. Like when you're at
an amusement part and you're having a good time and
etc. you will probably have luck and maybe find money
or something, or run into someone that you haven't seen
in a while.
Some people believe in luck and others don't. But to
me, luck comes from one. It depends on that person.
-Brandon, San Francisco
From The Beat: We like your idea that when things are going well, or
you're having a good time, more good things will happen. Do you think
the opposite is also true, that if you're not doing well or having a bad
time, more bad things will happen?
i
aMnnnmEB jw—
Luck Or No Luck
\
Whats up, Beat? This Lil' Shadow. I been up in Alameda
County for almost three months. Well I'm 'bout to write
about lucky or unlucky.
Well, I consider myself both. I consider myself
both because sometimes bad things happen to me and
sometimes good things happen to me.
One time I was lucky was when me and my homies hit
a lick under a bridge by McDonalds and we got hella weed
without getting caught.
One time when I was unlucky was when we jumped
some people and somehow he got stabbed and we took
his shoes. We got caught 'cause the people I was with
snitched.
Being lucky, to me, means to get away with hella
shhh, having hella money and hella shhh. Being unlucky,
to me, means to get caught when you do something bad.
Also, being unlucky when you lose hella money or go to
jail.
The luckiest person I ever met was this ninja named
Kevin. First he was a bum then inherited hella money. The
unluckiest person I might know is me because I always
mostly get caught.
-Lil' Shadow
From The Beat: It's all on you and the choices you make in life. If you
make the choice to jump a random guy then you'll have to take the
consequences that come along with it. We hope that you take the time
to sit down and really think of where you're headed with this lifestyle,
a lifestyle that will keep you down and out.
Sacrificing For My Future
x
I will have to sacrifice my friends and be by myself
because all of the people I hang out with get me in trouble.
So I should be with my family and do stuff with them like
go to the movies and family things.
I will like to do more stuff with my mom and dad on
weekend but sometimes we don't have the money and I
just go and do stupid stuff. That's what got me here and
hopefully I won't come to jail no more.
-Yung Rell
From The Beat: Maybe you can talk to your family and suggest that
there should be more family time? Being more open with your family can
help you to understand each other more.
She Wait
A
The best thing that happen to me is when I found Mi
Hina. She is the best thing that happen because she is
always here for me and always write me and all that good
stuff. My lady shorty... she stays true.
-Trigger
From the Beat: Now you have to figure out how to be the best thing
that's ever happened to her too.. .a free man she can rely on.
lor a Reasin
\
Time goes by but my life is on hold I-ve got 41/2 more
month to go. I feel lucky that I've found some body to love
me for me.
She's the love of my life we plan on getting married
when I get out-7 days before my 18th birthday. She writes
me all the time and is at all my court dates.
I don't feel unlucky cause every thing happens for a
reason.
-Mr David
From The Beat: You are lucky to have someone to love who loves you
too! What is the reason for the time you're doing now? How will this
time help your future? What are you learning?
Love?
Love. When you say you love someone and they say they
love you back, do it make the relationship grow, or does it
become harder, or does it mess up your relationship?
Is you scared to tell someone you love them? Is it the
same when you tell a homie "I love you" or you tell a girl
"I love you" or when you tell your parent "I love you" or
is love all the same feeling you get when you truly care
about somebody?
-Moe
From The Beat: These are great questions to ask, Moe, but are you
asking for the answers or are you asking your peers to ask themselves
these questions?
Sacrificing For My Future
What I think I need to give up is the way I live my life.
What's keeping me from making this sacrifice is mainly
because I love living the way I live.
Yes I do want to sacrifice the way I'm living my life for
my family, because I want to keep my family and I don't
want to leave away from them or lose them ever. My family
have gave me all their time, and attention. I'm willing to
give up anything that's going to get me in trouble and
took away from my family.
-Michael
From The Beat: Willing to do something and actually doing it is two
different things. So what steps do you need to take to make it happen?
For you, for your family, and for the love you got.
\
Can The Rich Put Tleaaaselves In Ike
Shees Of Peor
I think that the rich, PO's, judges, etc. should put
themselves in here so they can feel what we feel. I
guarantee that if they come in here they will regret putting
some of as in here.
But for the people who have killed, or tried to kill, or
committed crimes should stay in here. They don't know
what we feel in here and they should provide us with
better quality food, clothing, and etc.
-Anthony
From The Beat: Do you think once a kid or adult kills that that person
should be locked up forever? Can they still be a good person?
r
&Mnnnn*EE jw—
RIP Shonnie-Bo & Lil' Mori
Through the years ever since I can remember my ninja
Sonnie-Bo been a factor throughout Richmond. He was
the type of ninja that played his part to the fullest not
fearin' nobody, my ninja gets down. One min he was there
in tha hood the next he was dead and gone, got whacked —
shhh was terrible.
Lil' Mori was fresh out of Camp Sweeney, came home
been out not even six months wit only money on his
mind. Just saw him hoopin' in tha hood the next he tellin'
everybody he be back. The next thing we know he get
whacked by a store clerk, he get hit at least five times,
died on a get money mission.
Shhh messed up my young ninjas gone and can't
nobody do shhh to bring them back. All I'm sayin' ninjas
miss y'all, may y'all Rest in Paradise, love y'all-peace.
-Brand New
From The Beat: We are sorry for your losses. It's a tragedy that the
choices in life your friends had, and made led them to die so young. We
can't afford to be losing young men like you, we need you to be part of
the world, our lives and communities. A lot needs to change and we
can't keep losing you.
To Be In Mj Sties
\
A rich person can't put themselves in my shoes, they
might get hurt or just kill they self from all the stress and
danger. I think I'm a strong dude cause I'm still dealing
with all these problems I've been having since I was in the
7th grade. I think if a rich person put his/herself in my
shoes they would probably get killed, it's sad to say but
it's true and I just learned how to survive through it and
deal with the everyday pain.
A sick person would try to use drugs to hide all the
pain from being in my shoes. I have some good times in
my life, like the money I make, the girls I be with and the
great family and friends I have. All the people I find myself
with' till this day is SOLID. And that's the type of people I
like to be around.
-Jabari
From The Beat: While you go through tough times, it sounds like you
have some great things in your life that some other people (even rich
people) might not have. Not everyone is lucky enough to have people
who love them and are there for them. We're not trying to say you've
got everything easy, but it can be good to be thankful for what we do
Drinking at School
The most lucky thing was that I found 20 dollars in a
jacket when I was 10 years old at school looking through
jackets kids leave behind.
My sister said I'm not finding nothing, but I did. The
most unlucky thing that happened was when I got caught
for drinking at school-that's why I'm here.
-Churro
From The Beat: It's always fun to find money. Why were you drinking
at school? Are you an alcoholic? Maybe it's lucky to deal with this now
while you are young and have your whole life ahead of you...
Independently Thinking
I'm lucky in this situation cause I woulda went to jail
with my friend that just went down, cause I'm always with
him. And while I'm here I feel lucky cause I woulda prolly
did sumtang dumb.
-John
From The Beat: How can you get stronger yourself so that you make
decisions based on what you think is right and a good idea, instead of
doing whatever someone you're around is doing?
RIP Uncle Charles, Jerm, Scooter / The Rich
Man last times you didn't show ma RIPs man, that hella
disrespect on the real RIP Scooter and Jerm an Uncle
Charles.
And naw I don't think they would be able to ever spend
a day in ma shoes, it's sick and hella ugly.
-Lil' Marv
From The Beat: No disrespect. We always ask that people write a
testament to those they love and lost-not just a list of names. Tell us
about these people, what they were like, what they loved, what you
r
Luck
I think I'm unlucky. I say this because it seems like
almost every time I do something bad, I end up getting
caught. On the other hand, I know other people who do
crime on a regular basis and NEVER get caught.
I sit here day-by-day and try to figure out what is so
different about me and the other people that I know who
get away with crimes and I got nothing. They're definitely
not smarter than me by any means. Not "street smart" or
"book smart".
Although most of them live in different neighborhoods
than me, most people wouldn't do crime in their own
hood anyway.
The only explanation I can come up with is that I
simply don't have good luck at all. Everything I have, I had
to do my own thang to get it. I don't get nothing handed to
me from money to females. Maybe not females but from
money to other material wants.
-Sawsaw Young
From The Beat: We all go through times where it seems life is easier
for everyone else, that all the bad stuff only happens to us. But if you
look around you, we're sure a lot of your peers in the hall feel the same
way as you about their bad luck. Everyone has good and bad luck
sometimes, but when it comes to getting caught, you can make your
own luck better by not doing stuff that you can get caught for.
Who I Am
I'm someone I thought didn't exist. American Gangstas
inspire me everytime I watch the documentaries. I hate
suckas and people that's all talk, and the people that
thinks marijuana is a drug.
I believe there's no love in this world and that you can
not trust nobody that don't trust you (and I mean trust
you with they house keys trust).
I also feel that someone needs to do something about
our messed up system.
-Brand New 3000
From The Beat: What do you think marijuana is? And we find it hard to
believe you have no love — and therefore there's at least That much love
in the world. ..We agree that "someone" needs to do something about
many things, including the "system." What can you do?
Certain Lessons
I don't really believe in good or bad luck. I believe in god,
he has things happen for a reason to teach you certain
lessons about life like when new born babies die.
I think he lets people know that they're not ready for
parenthood. ..I believe life is hard that gets you the wrong
way most of the time if not everytime, but you still have
to deal with her cause you need her.
-Been Rough
From The Beat: When some things happen, like when babies die, it's
very hard to understand. We don't think the "reason" is ever to punish
or reward, but like you say — to learn about life and death, and love
J L
,
aMnnnmEB jw—
Being Top Citizen
\
I like being top citizen. It makes me feel good to know
that I'm being
a good person and doing the right thang up in here.
Plus it's helping with my court 'cause they not seeing
me as a bad ass little ninja ...they saying "oh okay, he got
another side to him and he ain't just a heartless ninja."
So I'm going to a group home.
I can't wait to get out of here!
-Leon
From The Beat: Congratulations - you were in the hall, and you saw
something you wanted to do to make your life better, and you made it
happen! That is a "good side" to you, a side that can help you survive
in the future. What can you do build on this success in your next
placement?
Life
If you live to win, you're going to lose, but if you live to
enjoy life you will win.
-Fat Boy
From The Beat: This is short and sweet.
Lil' Mama
Lil' mama see time you see me jocking
You got me stalking
Think about jocking
I got you an my life you can't stop me
We going shopping and buying the thangs you jocking
I remember like it was yesterday
I was down and you picked me up
And you was special
At first was scared to talk to me
Until I got out the car an' told you walk with me
And we was going head to head
You got my mouth watering like the candyman
Lil mama you seeing time you see me walking
You got me jocking thinking about stalking.
-Casey
From The Beat: We hope that when you get you have a chance to treat
your girl right, and stay out of jail!
Stressed
I can't believe that shhh homey.
It's all bad enough I got all this
shhh going on on the outs but now I'm locked down and
I'm stuck
stressing about it. Some real warfare type shhh going on
in the hood
right now, plus my charges and all this court shhh, I got
a female
pregnant, family problems and the stress this all causes.
But all I
can do is maintain and keep it solid you feel me.
-Demon
From The Beat: Too much stress! We're glad to see that you are trying to
stay positive despite everything going on at home. It's good you wrote
about it for The Beat - you keep all that inside and it can eat you up.
Sacrificing For My Future
Still Alive
N
I don't consider myself lucky or unlucky because both
have happened in my life. I'm not dead even though I've
been stabbed a few times. I guess I've been lucky about
that but right now I don't have my freedom. Just like the
five times I've been here before.
Combined to all the six times I've been here I've lost
three years of my life. I do believe in karma, what goes
around comes around. Cause I've robbed people, sold
drugs to kids younger than me, so I guess this is my
karma.
The luckiest person I know is a friend of mine. I've
know him all my life in Oakland. He's been shot, stabbed,
beat, hit wit a car and he's still alive. He's got a lil' baby
girl and I'm her Uncle. So I guess I lucky about that u feel
me.
-Doughboi
From The Beat: It sounds like you like being an Uncle! Stop giving away
your time to jail. If you believe in karma, how can you put out what
you want back?
I'm willing to give up my hustle to stay free.
I'm willing to give up robbing and other things I do
as a negative hustle. I would do so because I'm big 18 and
I'm ready to take that next step towards the positive path,
and experience the college life and college parties, but I
got news, only I can change me and I'm in progress.
I would say that my upcoming temptation would be
girls, money, and drugs why do I say this? Because those
three things named, would be a big temptation because
it is a deadly combination and will make you a nervous
wreck and can cause you to self-destruct.
-Big Temptation
From The Beat: It's good that you recognize the things that are
temptations hopefully you can stay away from them and resist the
urges. Maybe if you find that one girl who is on a positive path, and a
job to get you legit money, it will help you resist temptation.
\
I'm Lucky
Every day has some luck.
I thank God for letting me open my eyes eveyday and
I'm lucky for that. I'm lucky my judge didn't give me the
whole eight. I'm lucky the judge and my PO is giving me
another chance to walk the streets. And when I get out I
have to make a change.
-Patrick
From The Beat: Step 1: Appreciate your luck, which you've done. Step
2: Make your own luck - meaning once you get out, be careful what
decisions you make about what you do on those streets!
Panic
If the rich were in my shoes they sure enough panic,
I'm so wild they think I'm schizophrenic
and naw I'm not lucky, unless I had a woman
member I was young ninjas tried to jumpy
play with luck cause it's all in the mind
I'm mobsta one of a kind.
From The Beat: Time to play your good luck.
Lucky Me
x
-j
J L
I am lucky because god blessed me and my case because
I'm doing 8 months in here till I turn 18 then I'm tryna do
4 to 6 months in Rita but god really blessed me and I hope
he continue to bless me.
And if I get my 2nd chance I'm gonna take care of my
two sons and go to enroll in college and get anotha job.
-Freeway
From The Beat: We're glad you feel blessed! Here's another reason you're
lucky: Obama has dedicated money to help more people go to college —
you are just in time. Think how great it would be for your sons if you
go to college.
.
aMnnnmEB jw—
*i»»»»i»an
\
If There's a Sun Let it Shine
It's like the same thing keeps on happening. I fall, I get
up, I fall again and continue to get up. It seems that I
probably don't get the point that one more fall and I might
not get up again.
It all happens when I'm locked up that I notice all
these things. It seems like I realize all my mistakes by
being in between four walls and a steel door. It's so easy
to see sunshine while you on the outs but just so hard to
let it shine on you and I wait to be in here to realize all of
the good stuff while I'm in here.
But I get it and that's what matters. If there's a sun,
let it shine as bright as it wants you won't notice when all
that light is gone and that's when it's too late. Surviving
is the clue.
-M
From The Beat: Great piece written with lots of heart. Sorry we had to
shorten your name to just M (we're not allowed to print last names in
the hall). Give us another name to use so we can let your light shine!
God Bless My Ninjas
God gives me D-Scrilla back for 24 hours
So we could mob in a rental car like it was ours
hit the block bra smoke and sip bo' for hours
Show him how some of our real ninjas done went sour
Plus the girls on the block getting wilder and wilder
The gunfire ain't stopped bra
It's louder and louder yo' legacy live on my ninja
I'm getting prouder
I used to be a hot boy but now I'm getting milder
A ninja doing jail time but ain't forgot about ya
wish you was still here can't do it without ya
God bless Laron he on a timeout
and please watch over Dolo until he shined out
I know we did a lot of things in this past year
over jail time you can stress but I won't shed a tear
lost my auntie to a stroke just a week ago
plus my potna got shot
again but he made it though
we was out hustling hard just to get the dough
a ninja made it through the rain just tryin' to survive the
snow
(Chorus four times)
God bless my ninjas baby, yeah, yeah, yeah
I know I ain't been good so God bless my ninjas
'Cause it be hard for the kid surrounded by killers
Everybody wants to be a thug in these streets
But where I'm from shhh ugly gotta hustle to eat
That's why I'm praying to you God
That you reach out and help us
It seem like the rich folks getting richer and selfish
Show us all the right ropes guide us through the maze
It's ninjas out there starving who ain't ate in days
watch over all the youngsters as they grow of age
who rather load up a gun before turning a bible page
bless the young lil' sick one who dying of AIDS
free my ninjas out the jail who got caught in the raid
show that girl that's tryin' to get in the club underage
help the ones with anger so it don't turn to rage.
(Chorus four times)
God bless my ninjas baby, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Lil' Purp
From The Beat: This time you add a new dimension to all the skills
you've been developing as a writer over time: Compassion. It's a mark of
artistry and also shows how much you've grown as a person. You're not
growing milder, just smarter.
Three Topics, Three Answers
1. To change my future I might have to give up being
lazy, smoking and being careless. I'm not feeling like I
have to, even though I know I'm going to have to. When I
think of my mom sacrificing all the fun she used to have
it makes me feel like there's nothing I would do for her.
2. I think rich people would be very grateful if they spent
a month on food stamps. If DA's PO PDs and judges put
them selves in certain positions maybe they'd try to
understand situations more before they lay down a big
sentence on someone who didn't really deserve it.
3. I consider myself lucky for everything I have even
though it's not much, just because I've seen how a lot of
people live and I'd be stupid to say I'm unlucky. Unlucky:
Someone who had something's happen to them that they
didn't deserve.
Luck: If someone got something they didn't earn or
need or you could be lucky to get something that not
everyone has or that a lot of people wish they had. People
don't always get what they deserve and they don't always
deserve what they got.
-Matt
From The Beat: Wise insights all the way through, next time focus all
your energy on the one topic you like the best, that way you can go
deep and develop your ideas some more.
200 Days
I been in this thing for 200 days and some change.
My release date is in four months, and I feel good
because I am getting out real soon. It feel like I been here
for years. ..seen people come and go a couple times, and
that's why it feel like I been here a long time.
Kay gave me a juvenile bullet... and for you slow
learning cream puffs that's a year in juvenile hall I
turned 18 in here he wanted me to go to Santa Rita .
But I been doing a good program, so my public defender
recommended I do my program in the hall, and now I am
sitting here doing my time by these lil' kid rules but I
ain't trippin' though.
I feel God put me here to slow me down some cause I
was really wilding out but when I get out I'm gonna try to
change
-Stan Da Man
From The Beat: You only got a lil' more time left to go. Keep your head
up. Hopefully you learned something from doing all the time locked up.
Don't mess up again when you get out.
Have A Plan
What is good Beat, this is your boy Michael, coming
at you from the honor unit at Alameda County Juvenile
Hall. I am writing to all my ninjas out there, you all need
to look at your life. Do you want to be locked up your
whole life or do you want to die? Stop doing what you are
doing.
See me, I am going to stop. I have a plan, and my plan
is to go back to school get a job, go to a college become
a diesel mechanic for Santa Clara County VTA. I have a
plan and I will stick with it. I get out in April that is when
I am going to start my plan.
To all, keep your head up stand tall and stay strong
much love and respect.
-Michael
From The Beat: It's great that you have such a clear goal. What are
the obstacles you see in your way, and how do you plan to overcome
J L
w
&Mnnnn*EE jw—
Oakland Streets
\
... is where I grew up, I've lived there basically my whole
life. I never really sold no drugs but that really don't mean
nothing, I'm happy I never had to sell drugs.
My father is a hard worker and I never had to break
the law because my dad kept food on the table. I really
didn't have to do anything bad but I chose to.
Where I'm from everybody else was bangin' their
block so I started bangin' because that's were I'm from.
-Lil Boobie
From The Beat: When you think of the people who grew up with you
who didn't bang. ..what did they do? You'll need to think on how some
are able to stay away.. .so you don't get caught up again.
Answers on Two of the 14.10 Topics
1. 1 think there are a lot of things a man will have to give
up to change his future as life goes on it will never stop!
You will always have to sacrifice something in order to
get something!
My parents made a big sacrifice for me every visiting
day they come and see me! They are sacrificing their time
to visit me here and I am very thankful for that!
I sacrifice not smoking weed for the time that I'm in
here now am clean 'cause I been here for a month I don't
think weed and bad as long as you don't disrespect it!
But now think I can get a job now a good one without
worrying to find some clean piss.
2. Yes I think he will have a better understanding
because he is experimenting to see what I would be like.
Now if the DA or PD was in our shoes in ail I think they
would like it at all! They will learn that being locked up
will make you crazy. I think they will keep locking teens
up, but for a less amount of time maybe!
But being in the hall also messes up your mind 'cause
when you get out you're going to want to go out more and
that might get you into some messed up shhh! Or just the
cops might just mess with you for one reason.!
-Jorge
From The Beat: You bring up a lot of good points in this piece, especially
about the sacrifices our loved ones make for us, and the need for
powerful people in the system to understand where young people are
coming from - but we also want to ask you about that last point. What
are some other things you could do with your time on those nights you
might want to go out and get in trouble?
X
I'm The Lucky One
The luckiest person I've ever met is myself because I
got away with a lot of robberies and fights in school and I
mostly never get caught with that.
The unluckiest is my cousin because he used to get
robbed, went to the hall and the pen, then when he got
out he had got shot.
His name was Sione Maha.
He was a person who was strong by lifting weights,
but people had guns to rob him, so it don't matter how
strong you are when it comes to guns.
-Jacob
From The Beat: We're sorry to hear about your cousin - especially
because it sounds like he struggled so much throughout his life. Do you
think it was because of getting robbed so much when he was little that
he ended up getting involved in crime?
The Real Choice
Friday need to hurry up come so I could see what they
got to say to me it might be good it might be bad, but I got
faith in the lord so he would be the one who makes the
real choice.
Can't nobody judge me but the lord. Not the judge,
D.A, nobody that's why I don't care what people say to
me. ON MAMAS
-Lil 1 Rolo
From The Beat: We know these times have been rough for you, and yet
we also know that you are a good writer, and someone who wants to
do right. We hope you can find the strength in your mind and heart
to live through your time, and become the man you can be! We think
you can do it.
Thank You
I would like to thank The Beat for this program. It gives
young people a chance to freely express themselves in a
positive way.
By reading several issues of The Beat I have learned
a lot from what others have wrote. I think The Beat is an
amazing creative writing program. I appreciate the chance
to get in The Beat.
-B
From The Beat: You are very welcome, B. What are the some of the
things you've learned from tThe Beat? Do you have a favorite Beat
writer?
J L
Lucky And Onlucky
I don't got nothing to say but I think I'm lucky and
unlucky.
I think I'm lucky 'cause I got a good mother who
take care of me. Also, because she comes to visit me and
comes to my court dates when she really don't got to.
Another reason is because she do what ever she could do
to keep me out of trouble.
I think the reason why I'm unlucky is because I got a
bad environment. Another reason is I been in out of jail
six times in one year and I'm only twelve.
I think I could do better if I really want to but it's
something that's stopping me. I don't know what is it. It
just seem like every time I come in here I just be a kid. On
the outs it's like something that's making me do bad but I
don't know what it is, but I think I should just live my life
instead of going down the wrong path.
It's like every time I got to duck blue and red lights.
-Lil' Smashin
From The Beat: You're right, your mother doesn't have to have your back
and care the way she does but she does it anyways. You're her son, her
flesh and blood do you think this is what she wants for you?
r
aMnnnmEB jw—
Lucky or Unlucky
\
Do I consider myself lucky or unlucky? Urn, I think both
I'm lucky in many ways, like what family I came from. I
have an amazing family I came from we all "go" (means
cool). They all taught me a lot in the world and more to
come to teach and were always there for me in anything.
Then it goes my "bruh's" (friends). Some of them been
there for me through whatever. We steady mobbing with
them everywhere, boyee! They always had my back but
some didn't, they was never down and never "active" and
that's how I'm unlucky and lucky.
-Juice
From The Beat: Do you think the situation you're in right now is unlucky.
Juice? Do you think you can change your luck by just keeping it straight
and staying out of trouble?
These Streets
I don't think you can just get anyone and throw them in
these streets. They just won't survive like us, who just
get enough food so they can make it through. The days
are hard, it's stressful for us when we get shot at and the
police don't let us just live.
I have so much things I have to do, I have to go to
school with no food to eat then after school I gotta grind.
I put my life in danger every day by just steppin' out that
door.
That's why we get caught with guns. It's because we,
ourself, have to be the police. Lookin' everywhere front,
back, side to side, just to make sure that I can see another
day.
-Jahfanie
From The Beat: It's tough on the streets and either the public turns a
blind eye or they don't care. There are people who care but there's only
so much they can do because they're struggling too.
Change for My Daughter
The things I need to give up to change my future, to
make it better is hanging with the wrong crowd of people.
Wanting to be outside so much is what's keeping me from
making that sacrifice.
Right now I'm willing to give up a lot for my future
daughter. Three months from now I plan on being a father.
I plan of taking care of my baby the best way I can. So
when I get out of here I'm gone give up hanging out with
my friends, so I could be there for my family.
-DeVaughn
From The Beat: Having a child, full of love and innocence, can help
motivate you to make that change. Think about it - you want her life
to be better than yours has been, right? So what are the concrete steps
you will have to take?
Beef
x
\
This beef shhh is crazy not knowing if you're going to
see the next day worrying about getting shot having to
watch yo back everyday every minute of everyday having
to worry about my family... it's just crazy out on the
streets.
But in here you don't have to worry about guns or
dying from bullets, the most you have is if a lot of your
enemies is in here you can get jumped, but its not as
crazy as on the streets-then when u in beef and you have
your gun on you you have to worry about the police. You
can go to jail or they can kill you. Beef is just crazy.
-Young Boobie
From The Beat: It sounds terribly stressful no matter where you are.
What's the solution to this craziness?
This And That
My life is about this and that.
Dodging the read and blue.
Sometimes I wish it would be easy
But my dream disappears when I hear screams.
Population 400,000
But most of it the population you see is
Thugs, hoes, crack heads, and people
Suffering from the shhh that goes on.
Why can't it be easy?
-Cash
From The Beat: We wish that we could just wave a magic wand and
change the horrible conditions in our neighborhoods but it's not that
easy. You never know, this poem could start the movement to reform
our hoods! Nice work!
I Have To Give Up Hanging With My Friends
What do you think you have to give up to change your
future, to make it better? I think I have to give up hanging
out with my friends in the streets. I think if I give up most
of my friends I can study more and get a good education,
and not be in the streets causing problems and stuff.
Being with my family, going to church once a week.
Nothing will keep me from making that sacrifice.
My mom has given all her life to raising me as a good
child. I am willing to give up most of my friends that put
me into trouble. I think that will make me have a better
future.
-Genaro
From The Beat: Giving up your friends is indeed a big sacrifice. But if
you know it will help your own future, it's an important step towards
making the right choices for yourself.
-
I'm Blessed
\
I don't believe in luck I believe that either you're going
to be blessed or not blessed. People are chosen by the
way they live they life. I always use to think in luck but
not no more.
God has a life for you and if you are living your life
right then God will bless you. He isn't gonna get you luck.
He's got to bless you. Everyday I wake up by being blessed
I don't take it for granted but I just trying to live my life
right.
Hope all y'all be good and stay blessed. Wake up and
don't forget to thank God.
-Marqise
From The Beat: Do you believe that everyone is born blessed by God,
or do they become blessed once they've chosen a life path? And what
happens when someone lives a negative life for many years, and then
they change halfway through?
Sacrificing For My Future
I think I should give up skipping school to change my
future. If I start going to school I can have a better future,
even though I hate school. Fma just finish high school
and then I'm done, that's it.
I started out skipping classes then later on I started
getting caught and I said to myself," If I don't go to school
the whole day I wouldn't get caught no more." But all that
is going to change now once I finish freshman year in
Camp Sweeny.
When I am a sophomore that is when I'm a start 'cause
I can't go back home yet.
-Tony
From The Beat: That's a great start, but what will you have to do to
make sure you don't start skipping again? You're young and you have
room to mess up but what's the point if it lands you in the hall, right?
r
aMnnnmEB jw—
I Consider Myself Lucky
I consider myself lucky because when I got in the high-
speed and then the car crash they said I should've been
dead, how the car came out to be, but God had my side and
I ain't doing that stuff again. That wasn't a good decision
but since I been in jail I'm going to be wiser.
I'm not getting in no more trouble 'cause jail is hecka
boring and now that I'm getting out on 2-2-09 I got to do
what I got to do to be successful in life and I'm going to
church, home, and hanging with my family. Forget the
block where it's hot, it ain't cool like that no more.
The stuff that's going on is 'bout to be more than ever
'cause people 'bout to try to beat the violence record from
last year. If they didn't make the violence papers showing
how many people got killed every year the violence wont
be that high, it wont even be like this. But if they stop
making those a lot of people going to have they life
'cause it's 2009 and people 'bout to start dying 'cause the
newspaper people keep telling the world how many people
got killed and stuff and they need to stop the violence.
■Chapman
From The Beat: You're right, we wished that the media would use their
stories for good, to help the communities but it seems like it's just
another story to them. Maybe you can go to school for journalism and
do some justice to the stories floating out there?
Sacrificing For My Family
Me I'm willing to sacrifice going out in the streets late
at night. I'm willing to do that for my parents so that they
won't be worried that something is going to happen to
me.
I'm also willing to sacrifice my friends that are bad
influence to m. the reason that I'm willing to do that is,
because I love my family and I'm going to do anything to
make my family really happy.
-Rigoberto
From The Beat: Are there other friends in your life that are more
positive, people you could turn to that might help you take those steps
towards change?
My Mom's Sacrifices
\
I think mom has made a lot of sacrifices for me. She has
raised me and my two brothers by herself, working hard
for the years that I remember. I feel like I should sacrifice
things for her too.
I feel bad that I am in here and can't help her do
anything , but when I get out I will sacrifice what I think
I should to have a better future for me and my mom who
has sacrificed so much for me.
-Jesus
From The Beat: What are you willing to sacrifice for your mom, and for
your own future? What will be hard to sacrifice?
Rich People Are Ignorant
Hell naw, rich people can't put themselves in the shoes
of the poor.
Why? Because rich people would never even stop to shop
at Walmart.
Rich people are ignorant because they think poor people
are not
considered humans, but "they are animals" (They say)
-Sad Boy
From The Beat: Do you think that reading The Beat, or talking to a
person without money, or seeing a movie about poverty might help
a rich person see the other point of view? Have you ever personally
experienced getting looked down on by someone with money? What
happened?
J L
My Parents
I think some people sacrifice themselves for other
people, like how my parents sacrifice their lives for me
and my brothers by working and giving us a better life.
I think I owe my life to my parents and I'm very
thankful for them for giving me a better life and sometimes
I think I let them down by being in here and that's what
makes kind of sad.
When I get out of here I'm going to do my best to not
come back in here because I really do miss my family and
friends.
-Aaron
From The Beat: Are you willing to make some sacrifices of your own, to
ensure that you don't come back? What are they?
Dwelling and Reminiscing
It was October 31st, the year of '07
Them ninjas, they slid through and sent my cousin Bill
to heaven
He didn't have nothing to do with that block shhh
But they still let him have it
I'm talkin' about a full clip
I was on the block that night in front of my uncle's
house
It was me and my ninjas
But we had seen 'em first 'cause they ridin' slow in a van
They drove up to the liquor store and they was goin' fast
Next thing you know I seen Bill from a block away
And then they let it rain, doors open,
And I would've been dead too if I would have stayed up
the block Now I'm dwelling and reminiscing, I could've
got shot.
Rest In Peace Bill Ray Taylor
We miss you.
-Lieutenant Alley Bo
From The Beat: This is a beautiful and raw tribute to your cousin's death.
So many innocent people get caught between the crosshairs because
we've turned our streets into a war zone and they're getting caught
in between. This fight for power will soon tear apart our communities
beyond repair. What do you think we could do, as a community, to
strengthen our kids and streets against this type of violence?
r
&Mnnnn*EE jw—
*i»»»»i»an
I Need To Say, "Forget All This!"
What's good with The Beat? Me, shhh keep my head
above water, hoping the sky don't fall, ya feel me? But
y'all asking what do I think I have to give up to change
my future to make it better? I need to stop selling drugs,
robbing people, fighting, just basically this whole 111' hype
movement.
I need to really just calm down and get back into the
books, instead of worrying about what's going on and the
streets. I just need to go back to the old Brittany and
say, "Forget all that other shhh" and just do what I know
what's right and get me a job, and be in the house by
a certain time. The only thing that's keeping me from
making this sacrifice is I like fast money, even though
fast money leave fast. But I can't help it. I just love to
have the finer things, feel me? I mean, that's what's really
stopping me. Hell, yeah.
My mom made hella sacrifices for me and she still do.
One sacrifice that my mother made for me is when she
gave birth to me. Something could have happened during
her giving birth to me. To keep it real, I give my life back
to my mother.
So, yeah, that's a lil' something I just wanted to drop
down on paper. So, yeah, I'm out. Love, your girl, Bri. I'm
out here. Man, get with it or get lost, 'cause I'm a boss.
-Bri
From The Beat: The one thing you seem unwilling to sacrifice for your
mother is that child's attitude, "I can't help it." Of course you can help
it. There were many times when your mom wished she could be doing
something she wanted to do instead of taking care of you, but she made
her desires second to yours. She doesn't want you to give your life back
(why would she go through all that trouble to have you if she wanted
you to give it up), she wants you to be the responsible young woman
she saw in you as she was raising you. You know exactly what you
need to sacrifice, both for your own advancement and for your mother's
peace of mind. When you reach maturity, you will do it! Just don't wait
too long...
Word Of Advice!
What's up with The Beat? This Young Life, ya know?
But, man, all you cats that's trying be hard and carry
guns, just stop while you got a chance! You ain't ready
for yo' mama to be walking out that big-ass church, when
all yo' people cryin', hollerin' 'bout, "Why you had to take
my son?" That's what them choppas 'bout, is you 'bout
that boy!
-Yung Newt
From The Beat: Why is your piece so similar to C's piece called "Stop
Talking"? We're not sure which one of you copied from the other, but
when we read the same words in two different pieces, it makes us
suspicious of both writers. So, don't use others' words as your own, and
don't let others use your words as their own!
\
I'm Sick In lie Mini, Ya Heard?
What's good with The Beat? This the Young Life back
strap. Man, it's so phony up in the Ranch. I'm missing the
females right now, and my ninjas. We do the same shhh
every day up here — eat the same food every day, talk
about the same shhh.
I miss my freedom, my moms, my sis, my family. I'm
tired of all this. Something got to be done. My head is
spinning. I'm stressing. I feel invisible. I'm going ill, but I
gotta go.
-Yung J Newt
From The Beat: How tired of this are you? Are you tired enough to make
some changes when you touch down so that you won't have to suffer
through this again? We can understand why you'd rather be home than
here, but what would make being here a better experience for you?
What could they do that they are not doing already that might better
prepare you for a life of freedom on the outs? Are you using your time
to think about how to stay out? What conclusions have you reached?
Money, Weapon, Woman
That's all a ninja need, fo' real. Me, man, I got to do me.
That's just who I am. So if you ain't my hype, get wit' it
before I get on ya head. Get active!
-Grimey
From The Beat: Seems like you need one more thing besides the three
you named: freedom! Without that, all the money you make is going
into the systems pockets, the only weapon you have access to is your
mouth, and as for women... well, only in your dreams!
Word Of Advice
ma
we
What's up wit' The Beat? Man, this CB, ya heard? I'ma
let y'all know that when ninjas go to jail and they gotta
do more than a year, they might as well off-top know that
they girl getting flipped. Man, you can't trust them girls.
They unfaithful and weak -hearted.
Being in jail really ain't coo' because if I didn't do
what I did, I would be out with my female, cuddled up in
bed and chillin'. Damn, I need to get out. I miss my girl
and my thugs.
-C
From The Beat: Aren't you the one that's being unfaithful? After all, if
you get yourself locked up, then you left her first, she didn't leave you!
Why should a girl wait around for you when you weren't thinking of her
when you put yourself here? Do you think getting yourself locked up
makes you "strong-hearted"? We combined your two pieces because they
were too much alike.
The Rich Have No Clue
Hell no, the rich can't put themselves in the shoes of the
poor. I have friends that are rich and who talk about some
stuff they don't even know. Most of the rich girls that I
meet normally think I'm a wannabe "black" or something
stupid like that because they're just used to their racist
things they know.
Rich people ask me all the time why I be this, why I
be that, and I tell them, and they don't get it because they
don't have these problems. Rich people don't know what
it's like to come home and have no food to eat for days to a
week at a time. They always have food on the table. A poor
man has to worry about so much, like paying something
like a cell phone bill.
-Ricky
From The Beat: Do you think poor people could be helped if the rich had
to sacrifice their riches for a period of time — say a year — and have to
live on food stamps in the projects. Or, do you think that by the time
we are adults, our ideas are already fixed and can't be changed by new
experience? What do you think rich people worry about?
r
My Racism
x
x
J L
I wasn't feelin' none of the topics, so I'ma write about
racism, feel me. I hate when I get on the bus and them
others be tuckin' they purse and people be callin' the
police all the damn time. Plus, the Mexicans be always
callin' me the "N" word.
But me, I'm very racist. I talk about every race and
I'm not ashamed of it, because when I talk about white
people, it's payback for when they enslaved us; and
Asians because they always act like they know karate but
they don't; and the Mexicans think they sick 'cause they
in gangs. Either way it go, I don't like white, yellow or
Mexicans' color.
-Angry Black Man
From The Beat: It's terrible that you have to hear those ugly racist words
thrown around. But if you respond to racism with racism, what does
that change? Since very, very few of us are "pure" anything, what would
you do if you found among your ancestors some whites, some Asians or
some Latinos? Would that change your view of yourself? Have you ever
imagined what it would be like to be another race?
r
't+j:M*M**dj mmwrn ///////// //////
///////#///// /// ////#/ //. //
//// //
Can The Rich Put Themselves In The
Shoes Of The Poor?
Man, Beat, when I seen this topic, I was just laughing in my
head. This is a stupid-ass topic. No offense to the person
that came up with it. It's just stupid in its own way. Can't
no rich person put theirselves in a poor person' shoes.
They gon' die before the day is over with. They don't have
the survivor skills like the poor do, so they wouldn't
make it. That's just like saying George Washington — you
put him in my shoes or some other people' shoes like
us — imagine that.
But, yeah, I'm out. I'm still loving my haters, because
they know we out here and we got many of haters just
make my ice on my neck shine even more. I'ma do
something good for my haters today, God help me with
tomorrow.
-Queen Bee
From The Beat: You may be right about the rich not being able to survive
what the poor have to survive, but human beings are very adaptable.
Have you ever heard of the story, 'The Prince and the Pauper"? It's
by Mark Twain, and it tells the story of what happens when a prince
changes places with a poor boy. Both of them have to make some major
adjustments.
Living In The Shoes Of The Poor
I think that the news reporter might understand a little
better, but he won't completely know how it feels to be
poor. They won't know completely because he knows he
has money to go back to. Also he didn't have to grow up
poor and experience poverty and gang violence or drug
abuse at a young age.
-Forest
From The Beat: We agree with you. He might be able to learn something,
but he can never truly understand what real poverty is because he knows
he can escape from it. What about the other part or the question? Would
it help if judges, POs, DAs and PDs had to experience a little jail time?
r
Don't Get Trapped
Your Daddy Loves You
x
What would I sacrifice for you?
Would be anything to keep you,
Everything,
And the impossible things,
Just to make you see,
That your daddy loves you,
And for you always be
I just don't got much to say
Today, so I will be back again
But all I wanted to say,
Is that I love you Lavelle
And for you I will do anything
Just to see a smile in your face
And to make of your future the best
Just 'cause I love you so
-Lavelle
From The Beat: It is touching to read each week of your overwhelming
love for your daughter. We only hope that when you get out of this
situation, you don't do anything to put your freedom in jeopardy. Words
of love are great, but you need a real relationship with your daughter,
and she needs a real relationship with her daddy.
Live life to the fullest. Don't hold back.
Make millions and never look back.
Do it right so you don't get trapped.
But if you a youngsta, you can afford one minor setback.
One's enough but you don't need that.
Always remember mo' money mo' problems.
So take it how you want it...
You want money wit' problems or no money without.
Choose! It's up to you, but never forget live life to the
fullest
Whichever is best for you, and I'm gone fast.
-Mo' Money Mo' Problems
From The Beat: Well, you've laid out the choices, but you haven't
given us a hint of which one you'll choose. If you plan to take the "no
problems" alternative, what's your plan for when you get out of here in
order to stay out of here?
Back To It
Dadadoe! What's good, mayne? I'm just in this thang
waitin' till I go to court again. But it's most likely they
goin' waive my time again to another month. It's good,
though. I'ma do all my time, but when I get out, I'ma be
on shhh, all blacked up, ya'msayin. But I'ma try and be
smooth about it though, so I want get locked up.
-Jerry Geez
From The Beat: We don't care how "smooth" you think you're going to
be, JG. You can dress in black, creep around the 'hood, do "your thing,"
but you won't be smooth enough to avoid the consequences, unless
you think you're that much smarter than the 200,000 other people in
California prisons who, like you, thought they could do it smooth.
Every Project Is Deefin'
I wish teenagers claiming they 'je'ts would all be coo'
'cause hella of these kids is dying at a young-ass age.
Every Project is beefin'— Potrero Hill, 6th Street, GG
Boys, North Beach, Jackson Boys, Sunnydale, Harbor,
West Point, Kirkwood, Lakeview, Quesada, Hollister,
Palou, Shatter, gcolu, Shorview, OC, The muck, 800,
Westside, The O, Tp, Ko, Russia block, E-mob, VG's,
Oakdale, Alemany, Double Rock, Tower block, Holly
Courts, 16th, 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, 24th, 26th,
30th, Army Street, Page, Hayes Valley, Bishop block, even
ninjas from the Aves. You just gotta think about why are
we doing this when we could be doing things to be making
us rich as hell.
-Tall Dude
From The Beat: Well, you got in every street, 'hood, 'je't, and turf in the
city! When you say you could be out there making money, what did you
have in mind? Isn't the search to make you rich what leads too many
people to places like this? The best way to make yourself rich is to finish
school, prepare for a career, and start stacking your chips slowly, little
by little.
Two Kids
x
J L
Man, what's good with this Beat shhh? Me, just being
this 100% real ninja I was born to be.
But man, I just had a boy and 'bout to have a girl.
Man, this life shhh a trip. I would say the "B" word, but
even they got feelings, and this life can give a damn how
you feel, fo' real. So I'm ready to knock this dead time out
and go do my real time in that real world and get on my
grind.
Vonnie Pooh Pooh the only ninja Fa kill and die for. It
'09 and it our time to shine straight like that.
-Shawny B
From The Beat: If you just had a boy and you're about to have a girl,
does that mean you're responsible for two children by two different
girls? If so, then we have to take back the word "responsible," and
substitute the word "irresponsible!" Why would you bring children into
the world when you are still unable to take care of yourself? How will
getting on your "grind" help your children? Where will it lead you? Your
son doesn't need or want you to die or kill for him. He wants and needs
you to live for him and be responsible for him. When will that happen?
r
' &nnnnnsB MKHmmu j t / f t i //////
Sacrificing My Future
\
I think I need to change and give up struggles that get me
caught in the game. I wanna be a better person by talking
to my mama to the troubles I have, for my mama can see
that I really wanna change to become a better person,
which I can be. It gets hella hard when I feel triggered by
others' actions towards me.
Also, I feel by me giving up sacrifices for my family
makes me feel like I can make it. I can live to become
who I want to be if I challenge myself enough to where
I can be honest and loyal to my mama. I am blessed for
having a mama who always have my back, even when I got
difficulties on my shoulders. Mama, when I look at you,
I see a mother who really cares about her daughter and
who wants the best for her, which is me. Thanks, Mama.
I love you 'til I die.
-Young Cali
From The Beat: We hope you show this piece to your mama. She will see
in it the beginnings of the responsible young woman she has always
seen in you even when you didn't see it in yourself. Work on those
anger issues because losing your temper and going off on someone is
the quickest way we know to lose your freedom and everything you've
worked for. When you get out of here, stay out of here; that's the best
way to honor and respect your mother.
Lucky Or Unlucky
I really don't believe in luck or unluck, I believe in God
and faith. That's what I believe in. You know my brother,
Darious, got killed and we didn't have a piece of him on
earth. But February 8th, God gave me a beautiful niece.
She so adorable. She is premature. At first, she wasn't
eating and they had to feed her through a tube, and, on
top of that, her body temperature kept dropping. Now
she's eight days old and she is getting breast fed, and
that was all through faith.
But she a survivor. She got it through her blood, and
all these beezies that's already hating on her know what's
up. She's a beast an' she going to be ready to attack. Like
they say, she get from her daddy. But, yeah, I'm out. Love
y'all. Her name is Derion September copper. But I'm out.
Until next time.
-Queen Bee
From The Beat: We're so glad Darious has left a part of him behind, but
we have to ask why you would encourage your baby niece to become a
beast, to learn how to attack. That sounds like a prescription that leads
exactly to where you are right now! Wouldn't it be a better tribute to
your brother to guide her, protect her, teach her, and help her to become
educated, intelligent, and independent?
s
_________
The Love I Have For You
The love I have for you is more than love. The love I
have for you is respect. The love I have for you is more
than love. I see you as my king. I see you as my role, my
everything. And then you go and move on without even
telling me.
You told me you loved me. You said you will always
be there for me, but you lied to me. You promised me you
will always love me, but you know what? I don't care no
more. You can get it moving. The love I have for you is
gone, so, boom! I don't love you no more.
So I am going to keep it moving on you and I am going
to drop you like a pack of Newports. I don't want you no
more, so, boom! I don't want you.
-Liss Baby
From The Beat: Before you give your love to any boy, you have to give it
to yourself. By that we mean you have to find a way to live on the outs
without risking your freedom or your health. When you're in a better
place — in school, thinking about your future, helping yourself — then
you will find someone who loves the real you.
J L
Cash Rule Everything Around Me
What's happenin' with The Beat? It's ya boy Jeez. Let
me tell ya how money rules everything and how people go
past they limit to get it. I hustle every day on the outs, but
I ain't shhh but a brotha tryna do me. Tryna get rich or
die tryin'. People goes through people' house, kill people,
and hella otha stuff. It's mainy but get it or get spitted
trying to. Feel me.
-P Jeez
From The Beat: Are you really feeling what you're writing? Get rich
or die trying? We think if you actually thought death was around the
corner, you would rethink that "get rich quick" strategy and realize
that the slower, step-by-step approach is not only more likely to lead to
riches over time, but to keep you alive and well until old age.
r
Fed Up Completely
X
\
What's really good? This Von gonna get at y'all fo' a
min. Man, these attorneys and POs keep asking the
soldier where I get my way from. They think I come from
a dysfunctional family, but my family don't got nothing
ta do with my ways. Man, I'm me, I'ma do me and can't
nobody do me betta than I can do me. If they knew betta,
they'll do betta.
They also be sayin' shhh about my environment,
but what do you expect? I'm from San Francisco, and
the majority of my district is violent. They tryna make a
brand new map without us. But it ain't gone happen. But
I'm getting fed up with this lil' kid life comin' back an'
forth to the halls, so I gotta get goals together so a ninja
don't gotta worry about this shhh. I'm fed up, gone.
-Von
From The Beat: Without an education or a job, it is very hard to stay
out of places like this. But if you're tired of this back and forth, then
you have to take control of your life and make some changes, since
the system for sure isn't going to change. What goals can you set for
yourself that you can accomplish without having to risk your freedom
or your life? You say you're family had nothing to do with who you are,
but we can't accept that. They are a part of you and you are a part of
them. What would they like you to accomplish?
So Real
\
Started with nothin', turned into somethin'
Neva had a job, so you know ya girl hustlin'
I keep it so real, while these otha females frontin'
But bein' locked up got me feelin' like I'm nothin'
And everywhere I turn it's my bustas that's provokin' me
to get mad
Plus, I'm sad
I'm not jokin', it's really all a cycle
'Cause I'm young and steady thuggin'
My big homies told me, "Thug it out
But no dumb shhh"
And, "It just a game
But the rule is 'not to get caught'"
Bein' up in here make me stronger
Show no "weak" thoughts
And knowin' that the squad raised a savage
Ain't no big loss
I'm jus' missin' school
And the shhh that got me locked up!
-Safearia
From The Beat: Those "big homies" who told you to thug it out and that
it's all a game may look "big" to you, but their minds are small, very
small. Why pattern your behavior after a bunch of people who have lots
of experience as prisoners, or taking orders from shot-callers on the
street, but never taking control of their own lives. It's not just school
you are missing Safearia, you are missing a way of thinking that could
lead you away from this and toward something more meaningful in
your life, like a good education to prepare yourself for a life of freedom
and family. As long as you're down to follow, you'll be getting a lot of
behind-these-walls experiences.
r
- t+j:M*M**dJ mmwrn ///////// //////
///////#///// /// ////#/ //. //
Palabras (Response To The Editor)
\
Orale, check it out. My piece, "It All Comes Back" is
based on a double meaning. It's a hypothetical piece that
challenges the average youngster who has plans to become
a gangbanger to really contemplate if that's the decision
they truly want to sacrifice themselves at a critical price;
therefore, causing them to rethink the decision. And in
order to do that, I just stated it is necessary to tell it like
it is. That's my nature, take it or leave it, it doesn't get any
more simple than that. You can't tell one side of the story
without the other — it just doesn't function that way, and
contrary to popular belief, exposing what's mandatory
does in fact, discourage.
So mi consejo to you is to be more open-minded
instead of trapping yourself in a judgmental box. In
conclusion, I must state that you sound a bit hypocritical,
considering the fact that on several occasions I have
personally heard Beat facilitators promote individuality
and to express ourselves honestly. In conclusion, if you
dislike what I write, don't publish it at all and skip all
the inane palabra changing mierda, or better yet, I just
won't submit mi wilascos to hypocrites. Orale, pues, this
jaina's out. Al rato.
-Grumpy
From The Beat: You're right, there is a certain hypocrisy in encouraging
self-expression, and then censoring what we can't or won't print in
that expression. But that is the nature of every publication; there are
certain rules that, if we did not follow, would lead us to be kicked out
of county facilities very quickly (as we already have been in some). So,
you either have to put up with our "inane" words changing your mierda,
or not write for The Beat. The rules are the same for all. You say that
by putting it down honestly, some will be discouraged by the reality.
But we think you're not being entirely honest. You make it sound like
you're being objective, just describing both sides of what you see, but
there is much too much passion for one side of the "balance" you say
you're presenting — too much boasting about being a gangster and too
much ridiculing of those you find wanting. To you, those that take the
challenge have courage and those who are weak shouldn't be in it. That
already prejudices the discussion. We hope you'll step back from your
stated position here ("If I can't play by my rules, I'll take my marbles and
I just won't play"), because we have tremendous admiration for your
skills and — despite your certainties to the contrary — we hope your
excellent brain will cause you to rethink your dedication to someone
else's creed. We want to encourage you to keep writing, but only if
you're writing does not sound like an advertisement for gang banging
(as in your last piece, "Dark Angel" in which you salute your rag and
laugh at the "fools" who try but fail to emulate you).
Getting Out And Doing Right
The times I have been unlucky is when I am outside
and I get in trouble over some stupid stuff. But if I get
with a good crowd, all that will change I think and then I
wouldn't get in trouble so much. If I start going to school
and I never get in trouble, that's good and lucky because
I am doing the right thing. When I am doing right, I don't
get in trouble. So when I get out, I am go do the right
instead of the bad. But it is me, Ya Boy Speedy Bad Ass .
-Speedy Bad Ass
From The Beat: Are you really talking about luck? It seems like you're
saying that if you do bad things, bad luck follows, but if you do good
things, good luck follows. So, when you say you are going to "do the
right" (and bring yourself good luck), what kinds of things are you
thinking about doing (and not doing)?
If mtf mom or grandma ever
asked me to sacrifice any-
thing for them, I would,,,
Love At Night
sei
lot
I love making love to someone older than me. I love to
play music. The older women love it. They love me. Older
women have experience with their love making.
-LIT Goo
From The Beat: If you're talking only about the act of sex, then you may
be right that older women can draw on their experience in ways that
younger girls cannot. But are you using the term "love making" in the
same way? In other words, have you experienced love (with or without
sex) with either older or younger women? Is there a difference between
love and sex?
Awake From Within
Death circling around me
And it's drownin' me in
Been losing my whole life, now it's time to win
Learnin' to separate fakes from friends
The real me now's awake from within
I'm done livin' at the bottom, time to rise to the top
Interrupt my hustle get left in the grass
And phony wannabe friends get left in the past
Psych, sorry my ass
You haters gone with the wind
Nothing else to say but good-bye Beat Within
-Young Panch
From The Beat: We're not sure what has awoken within you. We'd like to
believe that it's an awakening of what changes you need to bring about
to avoid the consequence of imprisonment, but we had to removed some
lines that threaten others, so we're waiting for the evidence that you've
had enough of this. The system won't change; it's up to you.
Money Lucky
One day I go to my friend's house. On the way I see a
100-dollar bill. Then I pick it up. That's called lucky.
-Alex
From The Beat: We almost didn't print this, Alex, because it's too short!
Don't be lazy! You can write a lot more than this. Where were you when
you found that money? Did you spend it all on yourself, or did you buy
things for others, too? Was that the only lucky thing that happened to
you?
Sacrificing lor My Future
\
What's up? This be the one and only Jessenia. I think
that in order to make my future better, I have to change
my ways, which would need a lot of work. I have gone
through a lot of situations that God has put me in, but I
would have to give up my block, and that's one thing I can
never do, not because people gonna talk or peer pressure,
but because that's where I was raised. That's my second
home. That's where I spend all day and every day of my
life. I feel that if I can do something good for myself, it
would start from there.
If my mom or grandma ever asked me to sacrifice
anything for them, I would, but I know they would never
ask me to leave my 'hood, because they know how much
it means to me. All they ask me to do is be successful and
be something with myself. But for now, I just want to do
my time, get out, and get on my feet, and be happy with
my friends, family, and my man, Chris. So if haters gon'
hate, I'ma let them, because in the end I'ma shine.
-Jessenia
From The Beat: We applaud your commitment to "shine," but what are
you planning to do to make that happen? The fact that you are here
tells us that your strategy has not worked well, so you need to come
up with something else. We want to encourage you to leave the 'hood,
at least temporarily, and to explore the much, much bigger world that
lies beyond. Unless you know what's out there, how can you compare
what you have to what you might have? Don't you think your mom and
grandma would like you to sacrifice whatever it is you're doing that
takes you away from them?
r
' &nnnnnsB MKHmmu j t / f t i //////
Waiting To Hear: "You Are Released'
\
My son is coming through
But am still not out yet
I feel myself lucky to find a caring baby mama
But I feel unlucky to have a sick mind
I feel lucky for still breathing
It was unlucky for them people I hurt
But that was the past
And now I'm looking toward the future
Fma raise my sun with care and love
I'ma try to provide him with all his needs
Let me out of here
I have a life and responsibility to take care of
Can't wait till the day they say "you are released"
Till then I'm still waiting with hope...
-Free Me
From The Beat: Unless you deal with the "sickness" that brings you
here, you can't be the father you want to be to your son. Finish school
and prepare yourself for the responsibilities of adulthood. To be the
best father you can be you first have to be the best person you can be.
Vons Strategizing
\
What it really is with The Beat? This ain't the kid but the
grown man, Von, up in this dirty rat hole wit' no way out.
I'm tryin' to keep my head up and doing a lot of thinking.
I'm strategizing how to find my way to the exit and not get
lost up in here again, ya'msayn? The big dawg getting too
old fo' all this shhh, havin' these 111* weak-ass big mouth
staff thinking they got the strongest hand, threatenin' us
with all this room time. But I'm fed up gone.
-Von
From The Beat: The sad reality is that, whatever you think of them,
the staff does have the strongest hand in here. If you're truly fed up
having to take orders from strangers, there's only one solution: when
you touchdown, don't come back. Are you making a plan for when you
get out? That's how you should be using your time here, making plans
that go from step one to your goal, so that you can follow your road
map.
Missing The Action
What's poppin'? I've been down for a minute now. I don't
know where I'm 'bout to go. Times been goin' fast lately.
I'm up here holdin' it down, ridin' solo bolo. I'm missin'
out on the action, but once I'm out this thang, bruh...
-T-Ras
From The Beat: What's "the action" you miss so much? If you go back to
the "action" that got you here, what makes you think the consequences
will be any different the next time?
The Boy Boy Getting' But
Yeah, it's that ninja Grimey. What's good with The Beat?
I'm just waiting these last few days in here. I'm go do
me at this grouper down the way for a minute. Can't say
where I'm going. You know how them hatas is.
But yeah, get at me. You know where I'ma be when
I knock this group home out, so come see what's up. I
miss the block hella much, man, holdin' them hatas and
getting the paper, ya'msayin. Dadadoe is what it is right
now, but all the thugs stay up. I'ma see you when I get
the home pass. I'ma be out here for the summer and you
know I'm getting active straight up.
-Grimey The Realist
From The Beat: If you think you can "get active straight up" — go back
to the block you miss so much and get back into the same stuff that
led you here — without facing similar or worse consequences, then
you're still thinking like a child. The prisons are filled with men who
thought they had learned how to be slick in their juvenile years. We
hope you don't have to join them before you see the path you're on
leads nowhere.
I Need To Be In School, Learning
Well, it's boring in here. I already know this is not the
place for me. I mean, we do get a lot of time outside the
room, but being in my room is just reading and sleeping.
It's not me.
I'm used to being with my friends, being on the phone
38/7, and texting. But I know God let things happen for
a reason, so I'm just go' put it in his hands and let him
do what he think is best for me. I know he would never
do nothing that can hurt me or that I can't handle. But I
know I'm going to change, because I know what I want to
do in the future. This will not actually help me, because I
need to be in school, learning.
-Tannia
From The Beat: If being in here gives you the motivation you need to
finish school (which should be your first priority), then maybe it was
worth it to be here. Nobody likes being in jail, being told what to do
and when to do it. Jail is designed to make you want to stay away.
Staying in school is the best way to accomplish that.
Window Warriors
Many brothas in here be window warrioring, like muggin'
behind windows they gone hurt somebody, or they get
stripes for it. I'm P Jeezy. I don't got to explain myself,
but the othas think they do.
People come in here talking 'bout what they did and
stuff. (But it never happened) Real brothas do real things
and don't tell, and the fake let everybody know. So when
you hear stories, don't pay 'em no mind 'cause it's fake
like the brotha who told you.
-P Jeez
From The Beat: We always read pieces saying, "I'm real but they're fake."
We never read a piece that said, 'They're real but I'm fake." Everybody
thinks they're real, so forget about the ones you think are fronting,
and focus on things that will keep you from coming here, like finishing
school on the outs.
Stop Talking
You ain't 'bout what you be talkin' 'bout
You ain't ready for ya mama to be walkin' out
That big-ass church with all them people crying
Hollerin' 'bout why you had to take my son
That's what them choppass 'bout
Is you 'bout that, boy!
-C
From The Beat: Are these your words? Who are you writing to/about?
If this is your original writing, we'd like to read a piece by you that
describes what was happening in that "big-ass church" with all the
people crying.
This Place Has Changed My Life
Some people think that the halls is a bad thing. I think
that coming here four times in six mouths was a good
thing for me, because I hate this place so much that I will
change my life not to come back. And thanks to all the
staff that hated on me, and did me wrong,
'cause all they did was make me better as a person,
and changed my life forever.
Every time I left this place, I said that I was not
coming back, but in the back of my mind I knew I was
lying to myself. But this time around it will be different, a
lot different.
-Snow Man
From The Beat: Hating this place and they way you are treated when
you're here should be enough to make anyone want to give up the
things that lead you here. But what you did not explain is why it took
you four times to stop lying to yourself? How do you know that this
time is truly different? What's your plan for success when you touch
J L
,
>*y.v#A/*/wv
r//// //////
Sacrificing For My Future
\
What I have to give up to change is I have to stop smoking
weed and getting in trouble, start to get my life together
and get a job to help out my family. What I do now is not
going to lead me anywhere.
When I get out of here, I am getting my life together
and I will start working. And I am going to stop smoking
weed.
-Sergio
From The Beat: Well, it's all up to you. You already know what's holding
you back.
My Family Is Sacrificiny
My family has given me their money and there time.
They went out of their way for me. They cared because
they were there for me.
What I want to sacrifice is my time and also to show
them that what they sacrifice was worth it and that they
did it for a good cause. I'm going to go to school and get a
diploma and a job and show my family I cared also.
-B
From The Beat: Do it! They deserve this and more. Make it happen.
Make them proud and don't let anyone hold you back from making this
happen. Show no weakness when it comes to this! Ask for help if you
need it too!
Sacrificing For My Future
Sacrificing my life is like giving up everything I have.
One of the things I should especially give up in my life is
my attitude and my bad language at home. Also, the thing
that keeps me back from not making that sacrifice is by
trying to be cool in front of my friends and not being a
good teenager.
When I see that my parents always sacrifice something
for me, especially my mom, I want to show her that I would
sacrifice anything for my mom because she showed me in
my life that she really loves me and cares about me.
Like one example, in my life, was when I was smaller
I use to be a really bad troublemaker. They would always
call my dad from work and next thing you know my dad
sacrifice his job to take care of me at home.
One thing I'm willing to give up in my life is my respect,
my language, and my attitude because my parents have
showed me a lot in life. And when you're willing to give
up and sacrifice, you should go right ahead and go for it.
-Alejandro
From The Beat: Friends can play a big role in our lives, but why let
someone control the way we are? Although they might not directly
"control" you, your actions are still based off of what kind of impressions
you can make on them. In the end you have to decide.
Remaking America
It means a lot to us just because we need change. Obama
said that he wants to remake America and that he needs
our help. That stuck with me just because we're losing a
lot of things we need.
A lot of people are losing their jobs and homes. They
talk about taking away welfare and housing, some of us
really need that stuff. They're making it so that medical
won't even pay when you go to the doctors.
That's sad, we really do need a change. It would do
us a lot of good. Maybe even then some of the people will
change too. We would have better lives that way. I really
hope Obama really helps us change this world around.
-Germella
From The Beat: We hope so too!
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
//// //
Change
I'm changing for the better. All my life I've been messing
up, never going to school and giving my mom a hard time.
Just running the streets doing whatever to get money,
having a lot of dudes.
I didn't care how no one else felt about how I was
living. I wasn't even living at home at 15. Then I got a
reality check when I almost lost my mom. She had got
stabbed and lit on fire. That woke me up and made me
think. I wanna make my mom proud. I wanna make myself
proud. I wanna be able to look at myself and say I made it
and I am somebody.
I'm 'bout to be 18 in 5 months and I know if I keep
living this life, the same thing that happened to my mom
could happen to me. I have dreams, I wanna be a nurse. I
want my kids to be proud to call me mom. I've been doing
a lot better I'm get out of here on the 1-29-09. I got my
GED and I'm going to start community college.
Me and my mom are getting along. I've been staying
at home. I'm changing and I like this change. I just wanna
thank you to my mom for being strong and holding on
and never giving up on me. For helping me get through all
of this I love you. To my boyfriend of two years now I love
you and thank you for sticking with me through all my
shhh... I know it's been hard.
-Germella
From the Beat: What was going through your head when you found out
what happened to your mom? Were you locked up or on the outs when
you found out? Even with this going on, you still found the strength to
step up and change! We know you can do it and we're pulling for you.
Your Gonna Regret It
You cheated, you lied.
You hit me, I cried.
You said that you loved me,
But I want you to see,
That you'll regret this,
And I'm the one you'll miss.
You're going to cry,
And come to me on your knees,
I'll look down at you "Sigh"
Then say "ninja please!"
-La Foolish
From The Beat: What advice would you give to others who may be stuck
in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship? What are you doing
for yourself?
The Wrong Ways Of Life
\
To change my future I would have to give up everything
I had, which means all my tattoos removed, and I would
have to give up all my friends, at least the ones who don't
drink or smoke. But I would also have to give up my social
life which means no drinking and smoking, or kicking it,
and I would have to get a job and start being with my
family because in the end they the only ones that's gonna
be there for you, and if I would have listened to my family
in the first place I wouldn't be here at all. But I would give
up everything right now just to be with my family and my
girlfriend.
Well, for all you youngsters out there just to let you
know that there's nothing to prove to anybody and it's not
worth it, you guys should just be with you families and
enjoy life while you're still young.
-Clumsy
From The Beat: Are you ready and willing to make the break? This break
from the ol" you, will be the best thing for your future. You want to look
back on your life with pride, nor regret.
r
>*y.v#A/*/wv
Unlucky Times
\
Well, what's up, Beat? It's the homeboy, Cash. Well, I
just went to court today and I feel like I'm going through
some unlucky times in my life. I just found out that I'm
a suspect on another murder charge. Now it's two of the
worst charges on me. But I don't really know, 'cause I
didn't do shhh. But the other murder charge, I might have
to go through the time.
It's crazy. I once felt lucky and now I feel unlucky. Two
murder charges are too much. Damn, sometimes I feel
like there's nothing I can do to change the situations I
put myself through. I've been through a lot, for only being
seventeen years old. Well, that's what's been happening
with me. Gots to go.
-Cash
From The Beat: We don't want to put any more pressure on you. Cash,
but we have to ash if you ever think about the victims of those two
murders, whether you had anything to do with either one of them or
not. We ask that because we see how easy it is, when you're cast into
a dungeon and are perhaps facing years in an even darker dungeon, to
forget your own responsibility, and the people at the other end who are
having to deal with a permanent loss of someone they loved as much as
you love your family. Do you see any connections between you and your
life and them and their lives?
Gold Father
\
What up Beat? This is Sleepy from Santa Clara. Well,
Beat I'm hella mad because I'm going to Nevada, an out
of state group home. Man, I wish I never ran away from
Visalia but then I don't because I might not have met my
beautiful girlfriend Nissa that I love so much. I wish I could
be out so I can be there for my son and my grandmother
that has been there since day one. She's pretty much like
my mom.
My mom was pretty much locked up most of my life
and I never met my dad. I'm trying to be a good father and
be there for him. That's why I'm going to do my time and
not run. I'm trying to get hall time but I don't know, I
wish.
I was mad too because I'm not going to be with my
lady Nissa. I love her a lot, she is my everything. I don't
want anyone think, I'm my own person I don't follow
other people, I do my own thing.
-Sleepy
From The Beat: You're on the road to bettering your life, but how will
you get the ball rolling? For now, all you can do is keep your head up,
but don't think that this time in the hall is just dead time! Use this time
to your advantage - read and write- and make your plans for the outs
now; it'll be easier to avoid the places/people who might land you back
in the hall.
r//// //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
//// //
Luck And Unhid
\
What up, Beat? I remember when I used to blaze it up
every day at school. Never got caught, not even once. Felt
pretty damn lucky.
All that luck changed one day, the day that got me
locked up. Well, I was blazin' with my lady. I had two
grams, so we were blazin' it up like crazy. All of a sudden
I felt someone watchin' me, but to realize it was my vice-
principal. He searched me, me not knowin' I had a filero
(knife) in my backpack.
Even though I got caught, I didn't stop blazin' it
up, mayne. I blow smoke like a chu chu chu chu train.
Unlucky? Shhh, tell me about it. Stay up and stay
strong.
-Mr. Green
From The Beat: We hope that all that smoking at your age doesn't lead
to some feared disease down the road, like testicular cancer! Now that
would truly be unlucky! And by the way, what do you need to carry a
knife to school for?
J L
Sacrifice For Your Future
If there is anything we must sacrifice as humans
it is our pride and arrogance.
The world moves on,
but we are if we still hold dear our pride
and to write and become stronger,
combine our knowledge and advance.
If any have kids, let go your haughtiness and give them
the life
that never you had. Take them out and have fun be there
for them. Advance and let go of your anger.
-Derrick
From The Beat: This is a great piece! Maybe you can make it longer and
explain in detail what you mean by this.
Hit All Mi Life
\
What up, Beat: This is Yoggie from last week. Well, I am
thinking about being a homeboy from my 'hood. I don't
know yet, but I would like to, because my mom is one, so
is my sisters, but I am scared. All my life I been hit, so
that why I am scared to be a homeboy.
-Yoggie
From The Beat: If you've been hit all your life, Yoggie, we hope you don't
follow in the footsteps of your mom and sisters, but carve your own
path in life. Stay in school; get your diploma; find someone you love and
want to spend time with, and move forward with your life. The other
way leads here, or worse...
Talk Now
x
I'm looking in the shadows of the valley of death, looking
up, praying to the lord, "Take my guilt away," but the
cops wanna hold me for eternity. They better count their
blessings. I go to juvenile hall... look how many fans I
get. I'm loving it. I'm gonna make their graves, 'cause they
ain't got nothing on me. They can't hold me down.
The cops talk smack because they wear their badges,
but they better tell God they're sorry for holding an
innocent person in chains.
■Moe Joe
From The Beat: If there is a god that we all have to answer to, then
there will be a lot of cops trying to explain things that have no good
explanation. But, of course, there will also be a lot of young men trying
to come up with some good stories, too. Do you really want god to take
away your guilt? Maybe he gave it to you so you wouldn't be tempted to
repeat the mistakes of the past.
r
Gotta Keep Fighting
Chorus
I keep on praying to the Lord to take my sins away. I keep
on suffering. Why can't I see my sis? I keep holding on.
Verse
I keep on ducking from the cops, ready to run. But I could
neva run, I could neva hide, so I gotta stay strong. I gotta
fight my battles, just never lose. I was raised by the dead
so ain't no stopping me. My blood keeps falling every
time I win. They see a beast, but they see wrong. My heart
stops every time my family shed a tear, but there ain't
no running, so I gotta fight, 'cause no one can hold me
down.
Chorus (X2)
-Moe Joe
From The Beat: "They" see a beast, but what do you see? You say you
have to fight, but what are you fighting for? Or against? If you're in it
to win it, can you define what "winning" means?
r
>*y.v#A/v*j*y
r//// //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
Shine
\
Yeah, it's about that time to get money and be positive.
That means to climb mountains and go through mazes
or be that negative person and get money by any means
necessary either or I'm getting money and doing me but I
really want to live life to the fullest. One day make it big
in business or be the next O.G. dope dealer.
That's my life, I'm fighting a battle. I think I'm going
to lose but I know I'm going to win the war so get money
and be successful. That's the business, that ninja shine.
-Shine
From The Beat: You can be successful in life, you don't have to settle
for dealing dope! If you're willing to work hard for what you want and
work to get it then you can do it.
Patience
I think the more you're patient with something, the more
it will come out the way you want it to.
The phrase "nothing changes overnight," to me
means that you can't expect things to be different from
bad to good because it will still be there.
For example, if you have a death in your family you
can't expect for the person to come back the next day or
get over it in a day. You have to be patient with things.
-Patient
From the Beat: You're absolutely right. Patient, you can't expect things
to change in a day. But how do you start the process of change?
Ya Boy's Luck
What's up Beat? My court date went well. The judge
gave me a few months in "Life Skills" and I get out with
no probation. You can say I'm lucky, but unlucky at the
same time because I'm doing a few more months.
It's lucky but unlucky 'cause I'm in here messing up
my school and college plans. I'm also lucky 'cause God
has gave me the athletic ability to have college scouts and
scholarships.
A coach even came to visit me in here and has plans
for me when I get out. So overall you can say I'm lucky
and I'm going to change my ways and friends so my luck
won't change.
-Hollywood
From The Beat: If you are gifted with opportunity, use your talent to
your advantage. Keep us posted.
Guns Are Necessary
I think that's guns are necessary just for the fact that
people need protection and you never know when its
going to be needed. I know that me and my family have
been in situations where if I didn't have a gun I wouldn't
be here today. I'd be 6 feet under.
Off something that pushes my buttons, I hate when
someone talks shh about people that are mentally 111. I
think that's messed up. I mean, I don't trip off someone
saying that someone looks retarded but when someone
talks about how they can't do shhh for themselves or
they should die. Hell no.
Then about me. Well, I get out in 30 days, on the 5th
of January, and I am hella excited. I might not see this
one but have to say it's been a crazy journey. I can't come
back here no more but I know that I'm moving on to bigger
and better things.
-Baby Face
From The Beat: The way our neighborhoods are now, guns do seem
necessary. What can we do, as a community, to make the streets safe so
we don't have to pack heat all the time?
X
N
Lucky or unlucky
Ipe
ill
I feel lucky that I have a family that cares about me and
a girlfriend that's there for me.
I just get unlucky sometimes and I end up being in
the wrong place at the wrong time but all I can do is learn
from my mistakes.
It's just my luck that I end up in the hall and about to
do 5 month, but I'm going to do my best and try to turn
my luck around.
-Brandon
From The Beat: Maybe it isn't luck, it could be (like you said) being
at the wrong place at the wrong time or the choices you make or the
people you hang out with. Now is the time to think about whether it's
luck or not and see where the problem lies.
Lucky and unlucky
I feel that I'm lucky because I got a lady who shows me
she really cares and that has a good head on her shoulders
and that is also hella beautiful.
But I also feel unlucky because me growing up since
I was younger basically without my family going through
a lot.
Having to get my own things and having to take care
of my little brother so I really have a tough life but when
I get out I plan on getting a job and help my lady as much
as possible.
Love you Anthony & Amanda.
-Eddie
From The Beat: Thank you for sharing this with us! You're going through
a lot now but you can choose your future, you just have to apply
yourself and work at it! We know you can do it, it might be hard at first
but when the alternative is being locked up or dead then it shouldn't
be I
i too hard to choose.
r
My Family Is Sacrificing
X
\
My family has given me their money and there time.
They went out of their way for me. They cared because
they were there for me.
What I want to sacrifice is my time and also to show
them that what they sacrifice was worth it and that they
did it for a good cause. I'm going to go to school and get a
diploma and a job and show my family I cared also.
-B
From The Beat: Do it! They deserve this and more. Make it happen.
Make them proud and don't let anyone hold you back from making this
happen. Show no weakness when it comes to this! Ask for help if you
need it too!
^^-
My Baby Mama
What up, Beat? It's Nino. Well, today I am going to write
about my baby's mama.
Well, when I got out this last time I met some girl and
it was love at first sight. We talked on the phone for like
four hours and it seemed like I knew her for a long time.
Well, we hit it off and before I got locked up she told
me she was pregnant and I was hella happy and I started
to look for a job. Also, I was doing hella good and I got
locked up for something I didn't do. Hopefully, I get out
on my court date.
Now, my lady is a couple months pregnant. Also, she's
going to move in with me. Well, that's all for today. To all
locked up, stay up. Much love. Alrato
-Sunny
From The Beat: You really have to think now, you're going to have a
baby and the world won't just be about you. Sunny. Congratulations on
your bundle of joy yet to come and we wish you the best in getting your
life right, for you and your baby.
r
>*y.v#A/*/wy
r//// //////
If They Knew Me
Living in my shoes is not an easy thing. I wish my PO
and judge would live at least one day in my shoes. They
would never last.
I've live in a car for a couple of months, to around
four or five. After that, I lived with family and strangers. I
lived a normal life from around nine to eleven, but no one
really raised me.
My father got locked up and my mom would care
about the three little bro's, so I was raised basically by
homeboys and the streets.
So now I'm in here. I wish the PO and judge could
feel like I feel, living the life I lived. I wish they could see
how hard it is for kids like us to make it, 'cause we don't
know the way. I wish they could see how hard it is to look
at these walls all day everyday for a long time, I wish they
could give us a break.
-Silent
From The Beat: We appreciate the piece and we understand how you
feel, though it is in your best interest to get your life back on track and
start working hard to never return to juvenile. You cannot rely on the
homeboys to make things better, it's on you to see the way. Stay focused
and determined!
^^^^^^^^^^-^^^^^^^^^^
For My Mother
x
\
What's up Beat? Todays topic is about sacrificing for my
future. Well, here I am willing to sacrifice for my family
my love ones. I am willing to sacrifice for my love ones
because I think they have sacrificed enough for me.
For instance, my mom has been willing to sacrifice
all her life just to put a roof over me and my brothers'
heads.
I think she has done enough for me and now it's my
turn to return all the good things she has done for me.
Anyways I am willing to do the same for her.
For instance, when she is having a hard time looking
for a roof to put over her head. I wouldn't even want for
her to keep on struggling looking for a job when her son
can be their for her. I would want her to spend the rest
of her life just relaxing and enjoying her last few years of
life.
-Crime
From The Beat: Exactly! She has a son that can help her situation and
make her life easier. What are you planning to do to help her when you
go home?
Stop Running!
X
Man, to all, stop running! You're just running away from
your problems. What, are you scared? You can gangbang,
drink, steal cars but you can't do a program?
I see homeboys come in all the time running from the
Ranch or failing or cutting off EMP.
I ran from the group in San Jose and Visalia, I cut off
my EMP, I stole cars, I did a lot of bad stuff. I'm going to
stop. I'm cool off getting in trouble. This is my seventh
damn time, forget this, it's a messed up life to live.
People, just do your time and be cool, go to school,
and stay out of trouble.
Well, much love to everyone that's locked up and to
my lady that's here, I love you and you're always in my
heart.
Well everybody, I know what you're going through, I
feel your pain. Much love and respect!!
-Sleepy
From The Beat: Thank you for this piece, it's so true! What made you
want to change this time, though? What inspired you to finally stop the
bullshhh and focus on what you want?
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
What They Should Do
Hey what's up Beat? This is Carlos again. Well I am going
to write about the topic what I think of PO's if they were
ever locked up. They would go a lot easier on us. They
would probably let people get a couple of dirty bottles,
because the PO I got is hard on me. She gave me six to
eight months and I would have expected to get EMP. So
then that's all I could think of writing.
-Carlos
From The Beat: Why not making it easy and just follow your probation
rules? Do your program and no drama!
Lucky And Unlucky
I think some people get lucky and some people are
unlucky. This ya boy Dre speaking from the max. Some
people get released when they do a big charge because
they're lucky.
Some people might do the same charge as them and
get washed.
Also other races that ain't African American they're
the one that are unlucky especially in this county.
-Dre
From The Beat: Which of those people are you? A lucky or unlucky one?
So, if you were in charge of sentencing people equally, how would you
do it? What would be fair?
I Hardly Know You
I hardly know you, but I feel I need you.
I feel like your that responsible young woman
That I've been looking for.
I hardly know you but I wish I could hold you
In my arms and gaze into your eyes,
For me to say I love you and for you to say it back.
I hardly know you,
But girl, I need, I want you
I don't know why but I do.
-Love Struck
From The Beat: Great poem. Love! We hope that the special someone
you're talking about feels the same about you. Maybe next time put a
name on your piece and the girl's name, then she'll know it was meant
for her AND she'll know who the young Casanova is! Remember, in
order to make a relationship work you need to be free!
Don't Try To Speaking On something You
Don't Know
Well first welcome back, Beat. So first, I hope everybody
is in great health and spirits. So about don't go there, well
where to start?
Okay, I member a while back when I was talking to
this certain youngster I was talking about my primo that
passed away (relax in paradise) and she started to talk
about how she chilled with him, drank, smoked with him
all the time.
I was letting her talk then it hit me hard. I told her to
keep his name out her mouth. So the point is, I hate when
people try to speak upon shhh they don't know about. It
just strikes me bad when people talk about my family or
loved ones.
Just don't go there. It's just all out of respect, it could
get some one mad. I'm out with most love and hate.
-Nena
From The Beat: When someone close to us passes, it hurts to hear other
people speak about them but that doesn't mean that that person is
trying to disrespect you. She might've known him too and just wanted
to reminisce on the good times, Nena.
r
>*y.v#A/v*j,*y
r//// //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
Sacrificing For My Future
\
In life I would like to see myself succeed. When I think
about succeeding in life I come to a list of things I wish I
should have done.
I also know in life you can do anything you put your
mind to so I don't necessarily base my life on what I wish
I could have, should have, would have done but I do know
this, now that I see things clearly and have a better view
on life I wish I hadn't set myself back in life as many
times as I did.
Some say," God throws obstacles in your path to see
how you work around them, but it is we who stall our
time on that one obstacle in life that we should have been
bypassed." I'm not too sure of the exact saying so that's
the way I put it but to me that means when your mother
tells you to clean the kitchen you should do it and get
it out the way 'cause even if you stall or leave and come
back, that same dirty kitchen is right there waiting for
you.
So that is my only wish: that I don't keep setting
myself back. I'm ready for change.
-Bear Iyisha
From The Beat: Although you may have set yourself back you still have
your whole future to look forward to. Keep positive and keep your goal
in your mind and you can do anything, even with obstacles blocking
your way!
Pain
Shhh is too, too crazy,
Look, got bad luck like I ran and messed with the voodoo lady
Every other week I'm in handcuffs,
Stack something, lose something, something keeps
mucking my plans,
Moving in a hurry thinking some time slow
When I pass the cemetery where 111* brother is buried.
All I can do is salute and pound my chest.
God got his army and we all His recruits
But every other night I see demons do something crazy
And don't the reason blame it on the ass so I say it's the
season,
tell my ninja's light the hell up 'cause I'm gonna get it,
Something when the sadness turns into madness,
Got me doin' shhh where I'm running from badges
I can see my life in some flashes,
I pour more Hen in the glass,
I go to sleep in my soul,
I cry, it's no lie, why you think I'm so high?
And just watch the time go by, funny when ya mine gold
mine,
And ninja's is gold diggaz,
Guess you gonna know when it's your time,
Stress built up on my shoulders
Forget it, now I'm gonna ride, now bring the hat low sitting
over the eyebrow,
Look at the stash, and think that I'm gas,
On some godfather saga 'cause Veda wouldn't lay down,
Me and destiny got a date,
However rolling if I'm not go get your faith,
'Cause I ain't fold I take whoever I been die for the day to
my war on
Reflect on the days when played grown man get my
stroll,
-Stackz
From The Beat: It seems like being able to write in this style is a good
way to get things off your chest-you can just let everything flow off
you, but not many people can do this, instead they act on their feelings.
What would you say to a friend that was in a bad mood and looking
for a fight?
Speak Up
I know one time that I was in a situation like this my
boy was slamming heroin and I saw how it was starting
to slam him.
One day I went by his pad and I told him that he
needed to kick it or else he was gonna end up dead. I told
him to call my dad 'cause he has been clean for 19 years
- off heroin.
He said he wouldn't but when I left I wrote it down
just in case. He got pissed and I didn't hear from him and
then a few days later my dad told me he called and he's
been off it for almost a year.
I'm proud of him. I mean, he still does shhh but he
ain't slamming no more.
-Baby Face
From The Beat: You did a good thing, it's hard to stand up to our friends/
family but sometimes we just have to. Are you two speaking now?
\
Time GOING BY SLOW!
J L
X
What's good, Beat? This Yung Uso Kefl, once again today
I'm not really feeling the topic so I'm going to write about
my time going by slow.
When I was in max looking at CYA, my time was going
by hella fast. I don't know why, it seemed kind of messed
up because I was going to the Y and I thought I was going
to be mucked but then my PO was on my side. She's the
best PO you could get because she talked to the judge
talking about all the good stuff I was doing and she didn't
even talk about nothing bad.
But anyways now that I'm in another unit, time is
going by slower then slow. I think it's because I know I
was going by slower then slow. I think it's because I know
I was going to do a lot of time on my hands but I didn't
and it's hitting me by making every day go slower for me.
Well Beat, with that said I'm out. Too all doing time
keep your head up.
-Yung Uso Kefl
From The Beat: When you're unaware of what will happen with your
life, if you'll get a strike or a life, time will take forever. We wish we
could do something to speed up your sentence but we can't. All you can
do now is keep your head up, write, read, and TALK with your PO!
Soon To Be A Bad
\
Well I have a story for you, the story of a girl that has my
baby on the way. In two weeks, she will be a few months. I
am hoping that she will be fine without me there.
I was going to take her to get ultrasounds last week.
I hope she made it there without me. It's funny. I got out
the last time on December 6, and that night I express my
feelings of love to her all night. You know what it's like to
get out and see your girl after all that time. I wasn't able
to control myself after thirty minutes. That morning, we
checked the condom and it was ripped.
At first, we did not care. We were too busy, but life
went on as much as I wish we could have stayed in her
room. At first, it was cool. I did not even have to go to
school. And would just kick it all day with the homeboys
and my chicka.
About a week later, my lady told me she was pregnant
and I am the dad. I am locked up and can't be there for
her.
-Hero
From The Beat: How can she be fine without the support she needs.
She'll need you more than ever. Having a child is a lot responsibility, so
if we were you, we would do whatever was possible to be there and stop
fooling around with your friends. Get smart! Seek help too!
r
' k+*M*w**d?t
r//// //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
Forget Me And You
\
You said you loved me but you played me for a fool
It's cool 'cause I knew the real you
But to tell you the truth I'm the one who played you
I hated how you said "don't do this" and "don't do that"
And in the end you just stabbed me in the back
But I ain't trippin' off what you say
'Cause I still be sittin' and hittin' that dank
I'm sorry, but it's all business
I ain't got no time for you anymore
All you were was a little girl, nothing more
Girl, I remember when you used to do my chores
Had you on a leash you sneaky chick
But look here, girl, you long gone and no where to be
found
But by the way I was tired of giving you
The wham, bam, thank you ma'am treatment
And I'm a end this with a forget you and have a nice day.
-Abraham
From The Beat: It seems like you're harboring some ill feelings towards
an unlucky girl. Do you think this old flame has affected you in the way
you look at other girls? Well this relationship didn't work out, and it will
make both of you stronger!!
Still Waiting
x
Sacrificing For My Future
x
With me, I have a lot to sacrifice if I want to change, if I
want my future better. Which I do.
I would have to sacrifice and slow down with the ways
I'm getting money. With all the dudes and females I run
with. My attitude. There a lot of things, I can go on and
on.
The reason why I haven't sacrificed anything is
because I'm not ready and it's hard. Really because I'm
very independent and if I can't get stuff done than I'ma end
up going back to that life style. My mom has sacrificed a
lot for me and I would be willing to sacrifice everything
for her.
-Germella
From The Beat: You shouldn't need your mother to tell you it's time to
change, you have your cell to tell you it's time to change. Being in there
should be enough to make you want to turn your life around.
Hey Beat, what's up? I'm just gonna write about how my
court's been going. Well, it's still taking its time I have
court on May 6. I just want this to all be over already.
But it's true what some people say, that being in juvie
ain't that bad 'cause it ain't county, YA or jail. So we're a
little lucky to be here. Just change your life in here and
everything that comes in life you can learn in here. I am.
The only reason why I wanna bounce already because
I'm ready now. I've been locked up since Oct. 3, '08, for
attempted murder. The DA's trying to give me life, but I
know that I'm getting out soon having faith to always just
stay up.
We could make it better for us in here when we go in
the right path, just have to know which way to take it.
Took me a really long time. Here's a hint on what to do...
Look up!
So yeah, well, I'm just gonna stay strong and forget
what everyone else says. This is my life, not theirs.
Everyone should do that. So late. I'm out.
■Moe Joe
From The Beat: Whether you get out soon or not, we think your faith
should keep you strong and positive. What are the things you are doing
to make it better for yourself?
J L
You Make Your Own Luck
I don't consider myself lucky or unlucky, but lucky
and unlucky things happen to me. ..You bring your luck
on yourself. If you're thinking positive, good things will
happen. If you think negative, bad things will happen.
I've been lucky in situations and unlucky in others. It
just depends on how my mind set is at the time.
-Desz
From The Beat: What about now, are you thinking positive or negative?
What do you see for your future? What's in it?
One Size Doesn't Fit All
\
r
What's good with the Beat? It's Lil' Man dropping some
lines this week, about how it would be for the DA's, PO's,
judges to put themselves in my shoes, or any other
homeboy that's been in the system.
I would love to see them lock themselves in a cell
with thin mattresses, rough ass covers, somebody else's
underwear around your waist and some cold ass rooms,
waiting for mail that never comes, visits that never take
place, vatos telling you what to do, when to shower, and
when to brush your grill.
These system people wouldn't last a minute in this
life that I'm living. Well to all doing time, don't let the
time do you. Que no? alrato.
-Lil' Man
From The Beat: It's hard to live in the system, but remember, you don't
have to live here. It's your choice. Right? The time is now to not only
recognize you have a drug issue, but to put your words into action.
You're too smart for juvenile, get back to school!
If They Were On Our Shoes
What I think if the DA's, PO's, PD's or judges step into
the cells that we live in or be us for a second.
I think it would make them wanna not give us that
much time or send people to CYA or prison as often as
they do to us nowadays.
I also think that rich people can't just step into the
poor people's shoes. I think that they have to live it to
experience it.
-Elmo
From The Beat: Well, you can be p[art of the change if you choose to
become a DA, PO, PD, or judge, you can then give young people a better
chance to rehabilitate, better than being here. What kind of program
would you create that can help our young generation to stay out of
Locked Op
It's been a week in the cell
Now I'm just living in hell,
I'm wishing everything is gonna be well,
doing time for the crimes,
every time I sleep hoping it's all a nightmare,
wishing I was never living this fear,
16 years old
the world I'm living in is so damm cold,
I be thinking and thinking
time is ticking
so what is there to do now?
Once I'm out everyone will be saying wow
Trying to take a stand screaming out
who the better man.
-Layzie
From The Beat: The way to make things better to is address what
brought you to juvenile and begin to work on bettering you. Are you
ready to put in the work? It is not an easy task, but can be done!
r
>*y.v#A/*/wv
r//// //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
Lucky Or Unlucky
I think I'm pretty lucky because I've been in situations
that I probably wouldn't be out here. Like when I was
drunk with one guy that lives in my 'hood and it was the
first day he moved in from Puerto Rico.
This guy was pretty big, so everyone thought he was
tough. Anyways we were drinking because one of the
homeboys brought him over. We were drinking, having a
good time, but the whole time I was kind of giving the new
guy an attitude. So, we were hella drunk. The homeys
from the 'hood and I sparked a blunt up and I didn't let
him hit my blunt, so we started arguing and we ended up
fighting. That fool was hella bigger and older, so he ended
up beating me up. That's when I pulled out my shank
and...
An hour later, they called my brother and they told
me that they were going to call the cops and that's when
I knew I was going away for a long time, but they called
me and told me they weren't going to call the cops any
more.
So, I went to his pad a couple of days later and
apologized and we started chilling hella cool. We ended
up being boys and me and the Puerto Rican got hella
close.
I found out he was schizophrenic and one day he was
going to go get his medicine and later on that day his
mom told me he was dead and told me that a cop tazed
him to death.
I was tripping I guess they tazed him for no reason
and his mom sued the police and she got hella money, but
it wasn't worth it, so that's my story about being lucky.
-Willy
From The Beat: We're sorry for the loss of your friend. Yes you were
lucky he didn't press any charges against you that one day; otherwise
your story would have been different. What did you learn from this
experience?
Sacrificing For My Future
What I have to give up to change is I have to stop smoking
weed and getting in trouble, start to get my life together
and get a job to help out my family. What I do now is not
going to lead me anywhere.
When I get out of here, I am getting my life together
and I will start working. And I am going to stop smoking
weed.
-Sergio
From The Beat: Well, it's all up to you. You already know what's holding
you back.
Somethiny I Will change
What's good with it Beat? It's that one and only Kefi
coming at you.
Well today I'm going to talk about something I will
change. Something I will change is being there for my
mom. As you know I talked about my mom going back
to Samoa. Even though when she comes back, I'm going
to be there for her. I'm not going to let anything stop me
from doing that, not even my boys. I'd spend more time
kicking it with the usos/homeboys more than with my
moms.
I think ever since I know my moms is going somewhere
faraway don't mean I can't change and do what I said I was
going to do.
-Kefi
From The Beat: Sounds good to us. Now that she is going away, she
will need your support — doing things right. You don't want her to worry
about you when being far away. Do you?
My Mommy Martha
Hey what's up Beat? This your girl Esmeralda. Well,
I'm not feeling these topics so I'm gonna write about my
mom, Martha , and how much I miss her and how I want
to be home with her.
Damn, I wish she could forgive me 'cause I put her
through a lot and she still by my side.
Well mommy, I love you and this poem is for you.
Mommy,
Even though we have our ups and downs
You will always put a smile on my frown
Even when I put you down
You were always around
And maintained your ground
So here I am once again
Telling you I will be here
'Till the very end.
-Esmeralda
From The Beat: This is a beautiful tribute to your mother! What other
ways could you show your mother your love and respect? Changing your
lifestyle could be a way to show her that you care. What do you think?
My Angel
My angel I express some words from my heart and it
speaks to you...
I thank you for love and your time for always staying
true....
True to yourself, because by that then you're also true
to me.
True to our future and everything that we will be...
I wish I could hold you in my arms and gaze into your
eyes...
And tell you that you are special and truly 1 of a kind...
Your beauty is more than skin deep and it's that I've ever
wanted and thank god for you...
Thank you, God, for this wonderful and caring woman,
thank you for answering my prayers.
Audrey, this poem is for you. Since we have been talking,
I have over come so many obstacles because of you.
-Jared
From The Beat: This is a really touching tribute to somebody who is
obviously very special to you. It's a beautiful poem and we hope that
whoever it was written for was able to read it on Valentines Day last
I Miss You Mom!
What's up, Beat? This Yung Uso Kefi coming at you once
again. Today I'm going to talk about my moms.
Just the other day my mom went back to her
hometown. She went back to Western Samoa and I don't
know when she's coming back. What I'm trying to say is
I miss you, mom. I hope you come back soon, your son
Keith.
-Yung Uso Kefi
From The Beat: Did you and your mother speak about her trip before she
left? What happens when you're released, Uso? Do you think you would
ever live out in Samoa with your mother?
r
J L
RIP Too My Unborn Sis/Bro
Just know that I love you even though I never got to hold
you, kiss you, and even got to know you. I just want you
to know that I'm one of your big bruhs and you won't be
forgotten.
-Yung Uso Kefi
From The Beat: Even though your little bro/sis didn't leave to see the
world he/she might come in another form, Uso, you never know.
r
' agninnnts mmmmtrnt / a £ //////
Reminiscing
\
Hey Beat! It's your girl Lugo coming at you from Honors
Unit. Well, I'm really not feeling these topics today but I
have a lot on my mind chest right now and I want to get it
off. First off, I'm on C program right now but the staff are
letting me go tonight, so I thank them for that.
So, when I'm posted up in my room I just reminisce
about everything. I think a lot about my family and how I
was never there for them, especially not for my sister.
It kinda hurts talking about this but I need to get it off
my chest. I just want to be the big sister. It kinda hurts
talking about this but I need to get it off my chest. I just
want to be the big sister I never was. I hope one day she
can find deep down in her heart to forgive me.
Also, I hope my whole familia can do the same. I put
them through hell. But they were by my side through
thick and thin. And I really truly thank them for that.
Another thing I've been thinking about is my husband.
Damn I hella miss him. It kills me to know what kind of
situation he is in. But I hope for him the best.
-Lugo
From The Beat: You may not have been there for your sister or your
family in the past but the past is over and done with, you have the
future to look forward to. Now that you've gone through these hurdles
in your life you can go forward with the knowledge you've gained.
licked Up
\
It's been a week in the cell
Now I'm just living in hell,
I'm wishing everything is gonna be well,
doing time for the crimes,
every time I sleep hoping it's all a nightmare,
wishing I was never living this fear,
16 years old
the world I'm living in is so damm cold,
I be thinking and thinking
time is ticking
so what is there to do now?
Once I'm out everyone will be saying wow
Trying to take a stand screaming out
who the better man.
-Layzie
From The Beat: The way to make things better to is address what
brought you to juvenile and begin to work on bettering you. Are you
ready to put in the work? It is not an easy task, but can be done!
For My Mother
x
What's up Beat? Todays topic is about sacrificing for my
future. Well, here I am willing to sacrifice for my family
my love ones. I am willing to sacrifice for my love ones
because I think they have sacrificed enough for me.
For instance, my mom has been willing to sacrifice
all her life just to put a roof over me and my brothers'
heads.
I think she has done enough for me and now it's my
turn to return all the good things she has done for me.
Anyways I am willing to do the same for her.
For instance, when she is having a hard time looking
for a roof to put over her head. I wouldn't even want for
her to keep on struggling looking for a job when her son
can be their for her. I would want her to spend the rest
of her life just relaxing and enjoying her last few years of
life.
-Crime
From The Beat: Exactly! She has a son that can help her situation and
make her life easier. What are you planning to do to help her when you
go home?
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
-
Plenty On My Mind
What's cracking, Beat? Well, I have a lot, a lot, on my
mind lately and sometimes I feel like I'm gonna go crazy
with all this thinking I do.
Well, today my momma was supposed to visit me
today but she didn't. It's all good though 'cause I won't be
here for long.
Last time I was here, I did like 30 days and like a extra
15 days dead time and she never visited me. But I can
understand her 'cause she hates seeing me like this and I
don't like it when I see her cry, like when I turned myself
in.
It killed me seeing her hella break down like she did,
but like I said I wo'nt be here for long, so until my release
date in April, and it's almost March, I'll see her again!
Well, I have hella other shhh on my mind that really
gets to me and brings me down, but I dunno I could
probably write on and on 'bout that but for now I'll just
end it here before I get all depressed.
-Christina
From The Beat: It hurts for any parent when they have to see the
direction their kid is going, Christina. Do you think when you get out
you'll try and change for your mother and yourself?
My Loved Ones
\
I've decided to write about being lucky which I do
consider myself.
I believe I'm the luckiest person in the world.
I'm alive, I got a loving family, girlfriend and something
to look forward to
when I get out. I feel that even though I'm here I'm
happy.
There are a whole lot of people out there in worst
situation.
Everything happens for a reason and it's up to you to
make the best of it
-Elemen
From The Beat: You're right! There are a lot of people in bad shapes of
situation. It seems like you got something that brings a smile in your
face. Well, what are you willing to give up for them?
Never Know What It's Like
What's cracking, Beat? This is Christina here to drop a
few lines for whoever reads these things.
Well, one of the topics says if DA's or judges were
to put themselves in our shoes or any other people
incarcerated, would they know how we felt and see what
it's like for us or especially if they incarcerate you for a
long time or if they mess with your case unfairly?
Well, my answer to that is hell no. They'll never
know what's it's like for us and what we think if they're
just gonna do it for like an "Experiment". Only maybe
if it would happen for real to them, but even then I got
doubts.
They would have to know what it's like to miss out on
so much with the people that matter most to them and
lose a lot just 'cause of being incarcerated. Especially the
young heads that be doing hella time and facing maybe
life sentences or years.
I know have a lot to say about this but I don't even
know if I'm making sense right now 'cause I'm rushing so
I'ma cut this here.
-Christina
From The Beat: This was a great effort. You're right, the DAs, judges,
or anyone really wouldn't know what it's like to be locked up. We hope
that you will keep writing and get everything off your chest!
r
'&Mnnnn*MB mmmKBMt / Ji j //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
Sacrificing For My Future
\
As I was reading down the list, "Sacrificing for my future"
caught my attention.
Since I've been associating myself with positive
people, I've started to change drastically my thought
process. I've been analyzing my life and mindset and I
wasn't glad with what I came up with.
Now that I've had a long time to really, really think
about my life, I am willing to sacrifice myself- pride for my
family or the girl I am going to have in my life soon.
Before I got re-incarcerated, I had that typical "I don't
give a fuge" mindset. I was the homeboy who would attack
anyone who disrespected my fellow carnal (homeboy). I
thought everyone was the same as I. I was mistaken.
For example, I was with two other people when I came
back into juvenile hall. One of those people was one of
my family member the other is a guy I considered a loyal
friend. I've been through so many things with that guy. I
knew him since I was attending pre-school.
When he heard "years" he sang like a bird about me.
Since that happened, I started to think about the people
I associate with. So friend or homeboys are something I
am willing to sacrifice for my future or the future of the
loved ones in my life. One love to all!
-Chuko
From The Beat: Well said! Do it and you'll see how your life will become
full of happiness and joy surrounded with the people you care about.
Whatever you past and thoughts from the past were, leave it in the
past. Start building up a new life that can make you proud and happy.
It's on your hands.
Sacrificing Fir My Future
X
What's up Beat? Right now I'm in a position where
sacrificing for my future is exactly what I have to do,
because I'm being sent to Wyoming. From this point, I've
been running from everywhere else so I got to make a
lot of sacrificing, so I can try something new and be out
legit.
-Travieso
From The Beat: So what are you thinking to sacrifice to change your life
around? You're not just saying this just to say it are you?
You Make Your Own Luck
x
I don't consider myself lucky or unlucky, but lucky
and unlucky things happen to me. ..You bring your luck
on yourself. If you're thinking positive, good things will
happen. If you think negative, bad things will happen.
I've been lucky in situations and unlucky in others. It
just depends on how my mind set is at the time.
-Desz
From The Beat: What about now, are you thinking positive or negative?
What do you see for your future? What's in it?
Lucky Or Onlucky
I think I'm pretty lucky because I've been in situations
that I probably wouldn't be out here. Like when I was
drunk with one guy that lives in my 'hood and it was the
first day he moved in from Puerto Rico.
This guy was pretty big, so everyone thought he was
tough. Anyways we were drinking because one of the
homeboys brought him over. We were drinking, having a
good time, but the whole time I was kind of giving the new
guy an attitude. So, we were hella drunk. The homeys
from the 'hood and I sparked a blunt up and I didn't let
him hit my blunt, so we started arguing and we ended up
fighting. That fool was hella bigger and older, so he ended
up beating me up. That's when I pulled out my shank
and...
An hour later, they called my brother and they told
me that they were going to call the cops and that's when
I knew I was going away for a long time, but they called
me and told me they weren't going to call the cops any
more.
So, I went to his pad a couple of days later and
apologized and we started chilling hella cool. We ended
up being boys and me and the Puerto Rican got hella
close.
I found out he was schizophrenic and one day he was
going to go get his medicine and later on that day his
mom told me he was dead and told me that a cop tazed
him to death.
I was tripping I guess they tazed him for no reason
and his mom sued the police and she got hella money, but
it wasn't worth it, so that's my story about being lucky.
-Willy
From The Beat: We're sorry for the loss of your friend. Yes you were
lucky he didn't press any charges against you that one day; otherwise
your story would have been different. What did you learn from this
experience?
Lucky Or Onlucky
\
People say that I'm lucky for what I got sentenced. I kind
of agree to that. But I kind of think I'm unlucky 'cause my
loved ones got some pretty heavy sentences.
My brother got six years and two strikes. Two of my
co-parts failed fitness and are getting charged as adults.
-Dave
From The Beat: Well, from your side, things look better. Focus on your
L situation and how to get out of this lifestyle aka misery. It seems that
life has given you another chance to do something with your life.
Lucky And Onlucky
I think some people get lucky and some people are
unlucky. This ya boy Dre speaking from the max. Some
people get released when they do a big charge because
they're lucky.
Some people might do the same charge as them and
get washed.
Also other races that ain't African American they're
the one that are unlucky especially in this county.
-Dre
From The Beat: Which of those people are you? A lucky or unlucky one?
So, if you were in charge of sentencing people equally, how would you
do it? What would be fair?
\
Luck) Or Unlucky
I consider myself pretty lucky 'cause I'm still alive
today and most of my homeboys are alive. I feel unlucky
sometimes because I always end up writing on this yellow
paper for The Beat Within.
In some situations when some homeboys get locked,
I might get or they might get away and I might get caught.
So really you're never "lucky" or "unlucky" all the time.
Shhhh happens.
My luckiest homeboy off top! I don't know how
many times he's cut off his EMP, ran from the Ranch or
alternative, but he always gets out some way or another.
Good shhh though! We need the homies in the 'hood not
in the cells. To all in here just keep your head up.
-Grinch
From The Beat: Why do you need your homeboys in the 'hood? To be
productive legit citizens? To go to school toget good grades? To be good
sons to the parents? Or to go back to the lifestyle that brings great pain
J L
and sadness?
V
>*y.v#A/v*j*y
r//// //////
Sacrificing For My Future
\
To make my future better, I am going to have to give up
a lot of things that I got used to. I have got to sacrifice
most of my old friends who are not going to sacrifice old
habits with me.
I am trying to make change for my own benefit. If I
have to do it on my own so be it.
I have never known anyone who has sacrificed more
for me than my parents. My parents have sacrificed a lot
of time and money for this crime I have committed. I know
that when I get out, I could not repay them.
-Brian
From The Beat: Sounds a good start to us. What are your plans? Why
can't you repay them bach? What are your obstacles? If they've done
so much for you, don't you think they deserve some appreciation in
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
Ya Boy's Luck
What's up Beat? My court date went well. The judge
gave me a few months in "Life Skills" and I get out with
no probation. You can say I'm lucky, but unlucky at the
same time because I'm doing a few more months.
It's lucky but unlucky 'cause I'm in here messing up
my school and college plans. I'm also lucky 'cause God
has gave me the athletic ability to have college scouts and
scholarships.
A coach even came to visit me in here and has plans
for me when I get out. So overall you can say I'm lucky
and I'm going to change my ways and friends so my luck
won't change.
-Hollywood
From The Beat: If you are gifted with opportunity, use your talent to
your advantage. Keep us posted.
What I Need To Sacrifice
Today I'm going to write about something I have to
sacrifice for my future.
Something that I'm going to sacrifice to benefit my
future is to stop selling drugs. By me being able to do
this, it's going to help me stay out of jail and it's going
to help me go down the right road and become someone
important in life and not just another statistic.
-Bb
From The Beat: That's a good thought, but also think about an education
for brighter future. With a good education you can get a better job and
better chances to succeed and earn things in the proper way.
Love
Love is a strong word
A word that I have often heard
But it has no meaning
My body doesn't want it, but my heart is fiending
I've been with a couple of boys
No love, but I stay with them, a bad choice!
My heart feels torn
But when you're born with a broken heart it can never be
rebroke
I want to find love... I think I did
But my feelings for him I hid
Love between a boy and girl
It's wonderful, so I heard
Never experienced it, that's no lie,
All the boys I meet seem to get all sly,
Well next time I write on these Beats
I hope I find love ...
-Joanna
From the Beat: What does this poem mean to you? Does it come from
personal experience?
To Want
Well if you got a rich person like Bill Gates and he
volunteered for 30 days to make minimum wage and get
food stamps. He would probably think it's gonna be a nice
experience.
Well the first couple of days will go good, until he
starts to want things like new clothes, go to fancy
restaurants, need gas, or wants jewelry. Then he's gonna
feel sad to want. Then we could just tell him how does it
feel to want. Well, I got to go Beat late.
-Monkey
From The Beat: What do you think he would do to help the poor after
this experience? If you had his money, what would you do to help the
poor? Would you help?
J L
Some Of Us Are Lucky
I think I'm lucky but at the same time I feel very unlucky
because I was gonna get out last week but instead they
brought up two more gay charges on me.
It just seems that sometimes they want to set you up
for failure but I guess that's how the system is. But at the
same time I feel very lucky because if I weren't 17 I would
be facing 9 years in CYA. But thank God that I'm not,
because I got most of the charges dropped and I'll be out
in about a month and a half.
I also feel very lucky 'cause I got my family right
behind me to help out with everything. So good luck to
all you people and homeys out there doing time and have
messed up families or what so ever is your problem.
Just remember to always keep your head up and just
take it day by day and never look back at this place 'cause
who knows, you might end up right back?
-Clumsy
From The Beat: Wow, you really could have ended up with a messed up
sentence. Has this close call made you think back on what you want to
do with your life? It's time to think fast and think ahead because the
next move you make could land you in places far worse than the halls
I Would Say toObama
X
x
I would say to Obama I want to meet you, it would be the
happiest moment in my life. I think you are so inspiring to
me, you persevered in everything you did, you never gave
up and you tried your hardest. I wanted to break down in
tears and cry when I found out you were President.
Also, I wanted to say Thank you on not discriminating
on Prop 8 because I think us lesbians, and also gay and
bisexual people, have the right to get married (Because
in the constitution it says NO DISCRIMINATION). I think
it's wrong to discriminate, we don't hurt nobody we just
want the right to get married. Marriage does not have to
be between men and women. Marriage is love, it does
not matter what gender it is and if they wanna talk about
the bible it says DON'T JUDGE PEOPLE, ONLY God can
judge me. And also the bible says don't have sex until
you're married, look around, everybody's having sex
without getting married. But everybody's judging gays,
and lesbians, and bisexual's and that's wrong.
Well thanks for your time. I hope this letter gets to
you.
-Palmida
From The Beat: We loved how you put it in terms that we all could
understand. Hopefully the LGBT community is able to get the rights
that they deserve and finally be apart of their neighborhoods without
being discriminated against. We are all one community, one world, and
we should all have the same rights.
r
>*y.v#A/v*j*y
Dear Mr. President
\
Hello Mr. Obama, this is a 16 year young teenager from
Santa Clara California.
I really would like to congratulate you for becoming
president of the USA. I really hope that you can encourage
people to keep making changes because just by you
becoming president you already made a change, it proves
that people in America are ready for change. But those
who aren't they might never be so that's when people
who can make change should start showing that were no
longer in the past we're looking at now.
-Samantha
From the Beat: Great letter. If you were Obama what would you change
Put On My Shoes
\
If the DA had to switch shoes with me and was stuck in
here for multiple drunken mistakes he would probably
not last as long as I have with the positive attitude that I
think that I have.
If the DA had to deal with all the things that I have
had to put up with, all the stupid people thinking that I
am nothing but another juvenile screw-up, but if instead
of just throwing me in here and making me wait a whole
month before even giving me a sentence.
If the DA switched with me they would probably
realize that there are probably some people that can't be
fixed by just looking them up. And if I was a DA, instead
of just thinking every single person that comes through
the system will keep screwing up, I would give them one
chance to switch their life around (which I plan to do
myself) but if they don't then those are the people that
deserve to stay in here.
-Don't Judge Me
From The Beat: Sounds like you have a good plan there, if you were the
DA. Do you think the system will ever change the way it works? Do you
think there's something you could do to change the system?
Sacrifices, Good and Bad
If I want to change my future I will have to start by
giving things up and start making small changes in the
present.
For example, I want in my future a good job that
brings in good, clean, money. But to do that I need to
go to school, get good grades but if I want to get good
grades I need to go home after school so that I can do my
homework and study, instead of going out with my friend
right after school smoking and drinking and then come
home so messed up all I can do is eat and sleep, let alone
do homework.
So the sacrifices I will have to make to get the good job
with the clean money, that I can take pride in. I will need
to stop smoking weed and drinking everyday because
that is the biggest obstacle in my way other than these
walls keeping me in.
But in a way I am glad to be locked up in here because
I know that when I get out and will be on house arrest
I will have no choice but to go home after school, stay
clean, and get good grades and when all that is over I will
find this whole experience has actually bettered me more
then I thought possible.
-Awoke
From The Beat: It's hard to stop doing the things that were once fun for
us but when that fun could land you in the halls then it shouldn't be
too hard to make your decision. We have faith in you and we hope that
you can turn your words into reality because in the end your decisions
can either make or break you.
r//// //////
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. //
J L
If They Were On Our Shoes
What I think if the DA's, PO's, PD's or judges step into the cells
that we live in or be us for a second.
I think it would make them wanna not give us that much
time or send people to CYA or prison as often as they do to us
nowadays.
I also think that rich people can't just step into the poor
people's shoes. I think that they have to live it to experience it.
-Elmo
From The Beat: Well, you can be p[art of the change if you choose to
become a DA, PO, PD, or judge, you can then give young people a better
chance to rehabilitate, better than being here. What kind of program
would you create that can help our young generation to stay out of
trouble?
Dear Barack Obama
\
I really hope you change a lot about what is going on in the
United States. My opinion is I don't think that they should try
minors as adults and if they still are, I think they should have
more programs for us instead of just sending us away for a really
long time because what about the ones who want to change?
I think everybody deserves a second chance, Mr. Obama. So
I really hope you can make a lot of change. TAKE CARE, GOD
BLESS YOU. Sincerely,
-Miranda
From The Beat: This is a great letter for the president. What kind of
programs do you think at risk youth are in need of?\
What I Need To Sacrifice
\
Today I'm going to write about something I have to
sacrifice for my future.
Something that I'm going to sacrifice to benefit my
future is to stop selling drugs. By me being able to do
this, it's going to help me stay out of jail and it's going
to help me go down the right road and become someone
important in life and not just another statistic.
-Bb
From The Beat: That's a good thought, but also think about an education
for brighter future. With a good education you can get a better job and
better chances to succeed and earn things in the proper way.
What I Need To Sacrifice
What I have to sacrifice for a better future is giving up
the things I do like for instance smoking, doing dumb
stuff.
I need to stay focus on my schoolwork. I'm so close
to graduate, I need to sacrifice, be quiet and stay on task
just for a few more months and hopefully graduate. So I
have to sacrifice my attitude towards my behavior to stay
focus on what I need to do
-Flea
From The Beat: You're saying the things that you need to sacrifice for
a better future. The question is: are you willing to do it? Is it in your
plans?
My Loved Ones
x
I've decided to write about being lucky which I do consider
myself.
I believe I'm the luckiest person in the world.
I'm alive, I got a loving family, girlfriend and something to look
forward to
when I get out. I feel that even though I'm here I'm happy.
There are a whole lot of people out there in worst situation.
Everything happens for a reason and it's up to you to make the
best of it
-Elemen
From The Beat: You're right! There are a lot of people in bad shapes of
situation. It seems like you got something that brings a smile in your
face. Well, what are you willing to give up for them?
r
' kM=M*M*kd?i WMWMMh
The Question
\
The question is, when you look at the mirror
do you see an error, maybe a bad habit,
or, do you see the treasure inside?
Forget the sins. Pause for a moment
and find the message that makes you feel like a hero.
Stop! Look at the clock.
It's time to realize you are a beautiful child.
Look at the mirror now.
-Alex
From The Beat: Good writing and good thinking, Alex. Have you always
been comfortable looking at yourself? What did it take?
Nothing Changes Overnight
x
I know that nothing changes over night. Sometimes it's
extremely hard to change something when you are so
used to it. I can't really imagine my life without drugs. It's
going to take some time for all that to change. Nothing
changes overnight.
-E
From The Beat: Obviously, you need some help with your drug problem.
Remember that it is a sign of strength and growth to ask for help when
you need it. We wish you good luck. Work hard. Stick with it.
Best Gift I've Given On Valentines Day
The best thing I've done for a woman on Valentine's Day
was break up with her. She was my girlfriend and I did
not give her anything but some kisses. And that was it.
It wasn't intentional. It just happened because it had to
happen. I guess we weren't meant to be together.
-Dennis
From The Beat: There is wisdom in knowing when to change course,
and when to keep on the same path. We bet you're both better off for
the decision.
Old Habits
The old habits run us into that same stone wall
with no hope that we can get up when we fall.
As children, we made errors and sins
and didn't realize what we were getting ourselves into.
But eventually, we pause and think about what we do.
And a change in the air makes us change
and we get to act like heroes.
-Dennis
From The Beat: Good poem. You're already our hero.
I'm Trying
Trippin' on society
Always having cops lie to me.
They call me a criminal,
lock me up like an animal.
But to myself- I'm phenomenal.
I'm trying to take responsibility
and I know with this liability
I'm gonna do the best in me.
And I'm feinding
to be treated like a human being.
I never keep my body leaning.
I stand up straight
and I have faith.
Keeping my mind straight, too.
From The Beat: Cool A. Great rhymes. You do your best and it really
work out.
^
-A
will
No Heart
I never had anybody to give my heart to on any Valentines
Day, until this year. But I'm locked up, and yet she is still
the sweetest little pudding a young man could ever want.
I really love the woman.
So, the best gift for Valentines Day is my new puppy
love and sweet heart whose name is like a silky cloud from
heaven. Due to my incarceration, I have not been able to
give this poetic offering to my babe. But just the thought
of my girl has my blood flowing like Niagara Falls.
-Nathan
From The Beat: Nathan, we're happy for you. We hope you know the
story about Niagara Falls and the barrel. So don't get too excited.
Marijuana And Cancer
I think that because it's only a possible link between the
two that it is not enough to stop the use of this substance.
I'm sure people only wear seatbelts because they know,
or are related to, someone who has seen the severity of
a car crash. I think from my own experience that many
of the young men, and women, are willing to risk their
health because they don't really know that what they use,
or experience, might affect them in the long run. Or, they
want to have fun, or, just don't care. It's hard for me to
criticize or point the finger.
-Nathan
From The Beat: You're probably right, Nathan. We hope you will use
common sense. Read the study. Become a voice of reason.
r
SMnnnnnE mwmmm
\
Breaking The Rules
Always breaking the rules.
Not fiction, just facts.
So close to the edge
I can hear screams echo
in the distance.
Never catch me again.
I'll disappear in the shadows.
You'll only see my dust.
-Omar
From The Beat: We admire your poem but we have a few words of
caution for the narrator (whoever that might be). If we had a dollar for
every time we've heard ...they'll never catch me again... we'd be able to
buy the Empire State Building ten times over, or maybe. The Brooklyn
Bridge.
A Trip
It's a trip I'm here looking at white walls and bricks.
I used to get high and fly like a pigeon.
Now I'm reading and talking about religion.
I have all these problems. I just want to solve them.
I want to get out soon and eat with a metal spoon.
I'm in a small space, getting a taste
of how life can be a blur and thick like fur.
Feels like I'm trapped in a web, half dead.
I never had wealth. Always in bad health.
I wish I could be reborn so I could survive on this earth.
-Paris
From The Beat: Top rate poem. We would love to see more. Terrific
writing.
The Voice Of Knowledge
I like the voice of knowledge. It's the type of wisdom I've
always wanted to learn. Everyone needs to know about
life. It tells you to have faith and to love everything you
do. I have a different perspective on my life. I've realized
that life is a story, that it's what you make of it. I am going
to change my life with my faith.
I recommend this book. It's what everyone needs. It's
taught me about faith, love, respect, and understanding.
When I say faith, I mean never giving up, and believing
in yourself. By love I mean to love everything you do,
and everything people do for you - to have a love that
will stand out in anything. To Respect is to appreciate
everything in your life, and everyone's life. When I say
understand, I mean to comprehend the meaning of your
life.
I would like to read a book that is about philosophy,
that asks questions about life and the world. I want a
book that gives me knowledge about my surroundings.
-Damian
From The Beat: Those are wonderful aspirations Damian. We'll look for
a book, or two, that might help you on your quest.
Encounter With A Spider Web
I knocked my head on a spider web.
I fell down and when I woke up
everything was a blur.
I got mad, picked up a brick
and threw it through it.
All this happened on earth.
From The Beat: Terrific poem Edward.
"X
-Edward
Thank You
I just want to say thank you to Jill and Gwen from The
Beat Within for the book "Forgotten Memories" by Art
Rodriguez. It is a great book about Art's life. It's a sequel
to "East Side Dreams". "Forgotten Memories" is similar
to the first book. They both talk about Art's teenage years,
and when he was younger. It's about the problems he had
to overcome and what he went through with his parents
and his brothers and sisters. So thank you Jill and Gwen
for such a great book.
-Paris
From The Beat: They both say: you're very welcome.
r
He Threw It
He threw that brick, then tripped, got a bump on his
head.
He thought he saw a pigeon. They gave him a spoonful
of medicine. His vision blurred. He dreamt he was stuck
in a spider's web, had lost his wealth, didn't even know he
was on this earth.
-Ruben
From The Beat: We really like your poem. What inspired this work?
Is The Soul Solid, Like Iron?
(title from a line by Mary Oliver)
The soul is as weak,
or as strong, as you make it.
But if your heart is right,
so will be your soul.
From The Beat: Lovely poem Nathan.
\
-Nathan
Just Another Day
J L
I'm stuck in the hall, looking at a toilet and a sink.
And these cold walls.
I have to maintain without my girl.
I have to change my ways, if I want to get out.
Some days, it seems I need weed and brew, just to stay
cool.
I'm addicted to the blocks and avenues.
Soon, I'm to be in a group home, because I'm in this alone
-just lonely me.
I have the qualities of a poet, a smoker, and a G.
I have to get my stuff together because I can't live like
this forever.
I need to stand tall and stay out of the hall.
I need to calm down or soon I'll be county bound.
That's what I've got to say. It's just another day.
-P
From The Beat: Sounds like you might be addicted to more than the
block. Are you open to getting some help with your drinking problem.
By the way, who are your five favorite poets? Can you answer that
question? Maybe we should find an anthology for you.
r
EmnnnmE m/mwm
Three Topics In One
\
When I get out, something I have to sacrifice is my
behavior, because if I don't, God knows what would
happen to me. But one thing I would want for me is trying
to go home and get enrolled in school.
If rich people put theirselves in poor people' shoes,
they wouldn't like it. They would feel cold. They will be
dirty and no bed to sleep in, no money to get nothing to
eat.
If someone kill someone and go to jail and go to court
the next day and get out, that will be lucky. Unlucky, if
you steal something from someone, but before they steal
something, they look around before they take it and when
they take it, someone is in the back of them.
-Socorro
From The Beat: First, Socorro, please choose only one topic to write
about. You chose three topics, and didn't write enough about any of
them. So we put your pieces together. Next time just choose one topic
and write a lot more about it. As to what you wrote, how could killing
someone and going to jail, or stealing something from someone, ever
be considered lucky? Are you here because of bad luck or because of bad
choices you made?
Free Me
When I'm free I don't trip
Because I don't gotta be in my room countin' bricks
The same routine every day
Come out, eat, go to sleep
I try so hard
But I can't stay away from the back of a cop car
Lookin' through a glass window wishin' I had some indo
San Francisco, where I was born and raised
I pray I could stay out of here someday
-LIT Husalah
From The Beat: How does wishin' for that indo help you stay out f the
back of a cop car? Seems like you should use the forced time you have
to spend here to think about some of those reasons you keep getting
arrested, and think hard about how to avoid them. The system will not
change, so unless you do, prepare for more of the same.
One Love To All My Loved Ones
Much love to all my loved ones
Good night to all my haters
To the ones I love, I'll see you later
-Chalups
From The Beat: Sweet little poem, but really too short. Next time, add
more details. If your loved ones could write a poem to you, what would
they say?
The Studio
I like going to the studio, because I can express my
feelings. Then, when we finish the song, we listen to it
from the beginning and rate it from one through ten. We
be like, "Ugh, that's tight." Another reason I like rapping
is because I just like the sound of music, ranging from
R&B to rap to hyphy.
I got put on to music by my uncle. I got a lot of rappers
that I like. I will name a few. I like Messy Marv, Husalah,
Young Curt, Mac Dre, 2 Pac, LIT Obei, J Mak, Young Bari,
Keak Da Sneak, J Diggs, and many more. I want to get in
the studio with a couple of friends, My favorite song is
Mac Dre, "U Beezy" and Husalah', "Murder On My Mind,"
and Messy Marv, "Thug Life," and "Sei Love." That's it.
Peace, Beat. Oh, yeah, RIP to the homie, Mac Dre.
-Lil' Husalatt
From The Beat: Can you write a new rap for The Beat. What do you
like to write about the most? Do you have fans for your raps? What do
they tell you after they listen to one of your raps? Are you working on
CD? As soon as you're home, we hope you get on it, and leave the rest
\
My Struggles, Now No Love
All I can do is think about my struggles
Wishin' I could step back and really stand tall instead of
tumble
While I was in the hospital
I sho' wasn't alone
And to the people that wasn't there, call me up ova the
phone
Twelve days in a coma, I was beat with a baseball bat
Got ran out of the mall 'cause of my certain football hat
Ya boy been shot at — not sayin' it to brag
My boy was messin' wit' a bobber
Turned around and got the clap
I was on the run one day in San Rafael at the Mic
It was Dread Heads, police and all kind of fights
My bro met a girl
Been together for the crazy
And it's crazy... only fifteen with a baby
I almost lost my life as a new teen
Now I'm fifteen
No females to hug. so love to me is a mystery
I've been away from home since I was put in the hospital
My love is the size of the mouse called Stuart Little
My experience is the reason
For my fatal decision
-Obie
From The Beat: If you want to be around females, you're going to have
to figure out how to stay out of this place. As long as you keep putting
yourself behind walls, the only females you'll have will be in your
dreams! What's fatal decision you made?
r
tmntt-HIE W1MJSM/7A
She Makes Me Lucky!
\
I think I am unlucky because of my lifestyle. I never had
a dad and my mom got lost cause of that damn dope she
was on. So I am on my own. It's been like five or six years
like that with no one to care for me. I was forced to live a
thuggish life.
The street mentality is what I know. Robbing people
and selling dope, that's the street code. On the other
hand, I am lucky cause two years ago the Lord gave me a
little girl who I love so much. That was the happiest day of
my life and I thank him for that! My little girl is incredible
and makes me so lucky.
-Bryan
From The Beat: No young person deserves to experience what you had
to go through growing up. Your daughter is a symbol of hope, and a
gift, that you can make your life better, and she is lucky to have you
too.
J_!_!_|_LJ_!_!_L_!_!_!_!_!_!_I_L_L
Unfinished
I feel unfinished
Will my future be diminished
Or come back to this bad business
I'm doing some time
But I've learned to keep this as a reminder
In mind
I will stay on the grind
But in the right way
My lesson got me stressing
Putting my mom through worries
The homies that I used to call brothers
Didn't care if I stay here a few summers
I hope the judge will see my eyes
And see the suffering
And just say release period.
-Ryan
From The Beat: It seems like you've learned a lot from this experience.
We hope things work out for when you see the judge.
Giving It Up
Giving up my gang life would be a big sacrifice because the
only way out is to be six feet under, so I don't think that I can
do it. But that is the way that it should be.
The one thing that keeps me from doing it is my boys
because they are more just than family, they are like brothers
to me. I don't think that I will ever retire; I think that I would
just probably have a lot of kids and then lay low.
-Doubtful Guy
From The Beat: Everyone has to go down some day because we are not
immortal. Do you want to spend your whole life avoiding death, or do
you want to spend it living? We would like to ask you what do you
want for your children? Do you care if they have to live in the same
neighborhood and violent condition that you are living in? Do you think
that your children will have an easy time being a free human being and
making choices in an environment that is as rigid as your gang. ..either
you side with the gang or you die?
~~ ~
Ever Since
Ever since you left me alone I haven't been the same. I feel
like a lost child going insane. Mama I love you and you know
that's true so why do I feel so sad and blue? I know I am
so suppose to be strong while your gone but it just so hard
when you're all alone. I sit in the cell wondering what you'll
think but all in the end it's up to me.
Mama I'm sorry I let you down but one day I'll be around
until that day. Mama I want you to know that I love you
and this is true. Your guardian angel and I hope to see you
soon.
-Tiffany
From The Beat: Focus up on yourself and let your momma be. She can
look after herself. You need to work on yourself and do what you need
to do to get out and to stay out of Juvi.
Struyyle
If a rich man put themselves in a poor man's shoes,
then for sure they would understand what it means to
struggle. Not going to college or finishing high school will
definitely make a difference.
A day in a poor person's shoes would make them
understand why people do what they do on the streets.
Whether it is selling drugs or prostitution. They would
learn that it is not as easy as they think to put food on the
table, not only for themselves but for their families as well.
People struggle, not because they are lazy, but because it
is hard when you do not have the right education for the
job that you want.
The families that struggle are out getting their hustle
on. Trying to make some money for rent or whatever it is
that they need. Basically struggling would teach anyone
to get their education.
-Kast
From The Beat: But being able to get an education takes staying out
of trouble and being responsible for paying to go there too. These are
hurdles you should think about as well.
Getting Released
\
J L
Today, my public defender came up to me and said I was
going to be released on JED. It's a one-year program that
has mini programs within the main program. When he
told me this, I was surprised! Was this really happening?
That's all I could think about.
The hard part will be to give up all the negative things
in my life, things that make me happy, but the funny
thing is I ain't tripping about having to change for the
better. I'm willing to change if it means being out and
being free. I don't know why I didn't realize this sooner,
but it's better late than never. I'm also going to forgive the
people who told on me. I ain't going to let hatred build up
in me. People have to learn to forgive one another. I did.
Believe me it is easy to do if you try.
-George
From The Beat: Congratulations on getting out! Making those changes
won't be easy, but keep working on it and you'll get there.
r
£HHnU-HIE W1MJSM/7A
I'm Not Bitter
\
I wrote you a poem today
Still I don't know what to say
The day I was put away, we started to fade
The look in my eyes is still and gone
Never to know why you left after all
I hold on to our memories squeezing them tight
being in your arms felt so amazingly right
I'm sitting in my bed sobbing through the nights
You know the only question to God is why?
I thought it was meant to be. Still I try
to grab the moments you made me feel fuzzy inside
Forget us being best friends this is where
it has to end
You know I'm not bitter. I just want you
DEAD!
-Jaymee
From The Beat: Resentments are like poison. We use them to get back at
other people but all we do is infect ourselves.
Giving It Up
If I want to have a better future, I would have to change a
lot. I would have to give up my second family, which is the
gang. My criminal mind and I would have to be positive. I
don't know what's keeping me from making the sacrifice.
When I think about what my mom and grandmother did
for me, it makes me want to sacrifice anything for them
but yet I haven't.
I guess I'm still growing up from my kid mind, but I
do know I have grown up over the years. I am willing to
give up the gang life and whatever they want me to give
up. I need to change in life and succeed for me and for
them. I'm about to graduate from school and am looking
forward to college. I got a few positive friends in life, and I
o accept one of them as a brother. He's on his way to Iraq
soon and I hope to see him soon — best of luck to him. He
wants me to do good and I want him to do good.
-Lil Lophy
From The Beat: It sounds like you've been doing some serious thinking,
which has helped you realize what you need to change about yourself
in order to have a better future. Many good things can come your way
when you graduate, so start making those important sacrifices now.
Good luck, and thanks for writing The Beat.
Sacrificing For My Future
I need to make sacrifices to make my future better.
Nothing is going to be held back. It's just that I make the
bad choices. When I think back I feel bad because my
mother's sacrificed her life for me.
She was only 16 years old when she had me. She could
have had an abortion and continue to lead her regular
life and go to high school but instead she had me. She
gave up school and her fun times at a young age. She has
struggled so much to give me the best she can. It hurts
me when she has to see me in here. So for her, I got my
high school diploma and certified at a young age to be a
secretary.
But I made a bad choice. Hopefully, I'll be home soon
and for her I'm going to work and help her in what ever
way I can.
-Blancalicette
From The Beat: We agree that if we want to improve our lives, we will
have to do some things we don't necessarily like and we may have to
stop doing destructive things we enjoy. We commend you for graduating
but we want to remind you that although your mother may be proud
of your accomplishments, you are the one who will reap the rewards of
your accomplishment. Live your life and do the right things for yourself.
It is your life. Live it.
Changing Shoes
I think the rich should put themselves in poor people's
shoes so they can see the life they live. They don't have full
plates every night. They have to make ends meet any way
they can. It is especially hard for the parents too so that's
why the rich should start appreciating what they have.
Judges and POs should also put themselves in our
shoes so they can see the problems and challenges we face
everyday!
-Joshua
From The Beat: Thanks for sharing Joshua. We agree there is so much
for people to learn from one another, and this is one of them.
Both Parents
\
I think I am a lucky kid because there are a lot of kids in the
world that do not have both parents. But lucky for me I have
both of my parents and I love them and they love me. On top
of that, they are still together. I'm lucky because my parents
want me to live in a good place and stay in school. I don't
want to offend anyone who doesn't have both parents.
To all the kids who don't have any parents, or maybe your
parents are separated, just have hope that one day they'll be
back together. If you don't have any parents, you have my
sympathy and I am sorry.
-Binky
From The Beat: You're right; many kids live in single-parent homes while
others have no parents. You've made an important realization about
what keeps a family strong. Thanks for offering your support to others
who are not in the same boat as you.
Making A Sacrifice
x
I know what I have to sacrifice in my life, but I don't think
I can. One of the things I know I must change is my attitude
against my teachers. I say this because now I'm having a
daughter and I know I need an education to get a good job.
Now I have a new responsibility, a new challenge, and I am
willing to do anything for my baby girl.
When I say anything, I mean I will give up my home,
friends, and life just so I can see my daughter be successful
in life. I know what my mom had to go through when she was
in my position. I love my daughter with all my heart.
-Antonio
From The Beat: You must have bad experiences with teachers in the past.
But please know there are many teachers out there with a passionate
heart and desire to help you. If you willing to make changes for your
daughter, start by ensuring that you get your education.
M
__________________
Midnight Candy
When you look at me I get shy
When you talk to me I lush
When you take my hand I get a little scared
When you kiss me my heart starts to pump
When you say 6l love you: I can't breathe.
When you tell me everything will be alright
I start to believe you.
When you say I'm your only one I hope it's true.
When you say I'm your only one I hope it's true.
When you say by my side hope it's forever.
When you leave I cry.
When you tell me good night I don't want to sleep.
When you ask me to be yours I will
When you say you will never have another bitch but me.
Damn straight you won't.
-Bethany
From The Beat: Wow! We see Juvi isn't all that bad after all? Appreciate
the gifts life offers everyday. God bless and thanks for sharing.
r
£HHnU-HIE W1MJSM/7A
I'm Lucky
\
I consider myself lucky simply because I am alive. I wake
up every morning to a bed, water, food and shelter so I'm
lucky. I may be locked up but there are some people that
would like to be locked up rather than where they're
staying.
I do sometimes feel like I'm unlucky but I have to be
thankful for what I have which is life. I have been lucky
to get out of an abusive home but unlucky that I could
not bring my sisters with me. The luckiest thing that
happened to me is surviving being thrown out of a moving
car.
My step-mom threw me out of the car and I cracked
my skull on the cement. The doctors said I could have
died if the crack was any bigger so I am lucky to be alive
today.
-Samantha
From The Beat: Yes, God bless. No matter our situation we can decide
and we can see ourselves as lucky and blessed. Making this decision
makes us feel better. A lot of life and the way it rolls out is all a result
of how we think about it. We think we're lucky and we are grateful for
your thoughts.
What Honiies?
For me, the sacrifice would be to drop the "homies" I
finally came to realize that they weren't even friends
that I thought they were. Turns out those ladies were
some flipping snitches, flipping the script the about the
situation and making it light on them and giving me the
short end of the stick. They'll be there as long as there's
still some grass but once it's gone and you get caught
they'll let you take the rap and rot.
-Alsiha
From The Beat: It's strange how important it is to depend on others
when we are up to mischief but when we walk the right path, we need
not have anyone else with us. When we walk in righteousness we do
not need anyone else with us but when we play games, we need our
friends to play them with.
Unlucky
My life is very unlucky and not safe
It's unlucky because of my race
I'm in juvenile hall because I had a chance to walk away
But instead I chose to stay, that's why I'm locked up
today
Luck is a wall that I cannot see
Because it's hidden deep inside of me
I am unlucky and want to ignite
Ignite and go crazy like dynamite
I feel I have a ghost lurking at my insides
I still feel unlucky because prides holds my side
-Kevin
From The Beat: Being in juvenile hall can make you feel stress and
anguish. But don't feel you are alone, many writers to The Beat also
share your same feeling. We also want to encourage you to think about
how you don't have to rely on luck to move through this world and
your life.
No Place Like Home
I have two weeks. I don't know if I can hold on. I'm
scared. Now I know there's no place like home. And no
one cares about you more than your family. Just to see
their faces. How I hurt them is really hurting me.
-Chris
From The Beat: It hurts to be away from your family. But keep faith and
know that this time will pass.
J L
The World Would Be Better
I think if the rich put themselves in the shoes of the
poor, the world would be a better place. Less people
would be poor because most of those rich people who
put themselves in the shoes of the poor would give more
money to charities. Rich people wouldn't be as greedy
and would be more willing to share their money.
-Shane
From The Beat: When we put ourselves in the other person's shoe, we
begin to feel compassion for what they go through. Your theory about
the world being a better place is very cool!
Mom Knows
My life was hard to control
Another blunt I rolled
Once my eyes were glazed over
I felt so much better
Mom said stay away from drugs
So I picked up a bottle
Misunderstand me as I start to waddle
Friends came up with pills and shrooms
Then I was flying across the room
Now I'm back
When I'm on the streets
that was whack
Now I know for a fact
When my mom says stay away from drugs
She knows it's hard
but she means it with love
-Jaymee
From The Beat: Listen to your Mama. Nothing good happens when
we started to abuse drugs. Only our money disappears as we chase an
escape from life. It is better to just face it and make it good.
WiuN Yin?
\
If I were poor, would you still love me?
If I were rich, would you still love me?
If I was on the streets and I didn't have any money, would
you still love me?
If I were still gang-banging, would you still love me?
If I'm locked down, would you still love me?
If I was murdered, would you still love me?
-Maurice
From The Beat: Such bold questions! Perhaps you are trying to find trust
The Way I Act Hurts Me
The Way I act keeps me in and out
of juvenile hall. I think
it's because I listen to people
that keep wanting to bring me down
and if I would just listen to the people
that want to keep me out of trouble.
Maybe I wouldn't be here. Sometimes
I feel unlucky because I'm here,
locked up. I can't eat when I want,
wear my own clothes and just do me
and feel free but I'm on the out. I'm
really lucky because I can do some of what
I want to do. That makes me lucky
in a way. I just want to go home.
-Special
From The Beat: It is never good when our actions can limit us by
getting us in trouble. Actions should be a means of freedom. An action
is triggered by a thought. We can use this time to meditate on the the
actions we will be taking by contemplating our reason beforehand.
r
£HHnU-HIE W1MJSM/7A
What I Think
\
If a rich person had the chance to put themselves in the
shoes of the poor, it would probably help them understand
what a poor person has to go through just to make it
through the day. They would really know what life is
about when money is not always there. Just because rich
people try to put themselves in a poor position, they're
still going to be the same as before. It's just that for some
people, it's a bigger struggle to live like a rich person.
Now if a rich person were to get locked up, what would
he do there? Is he going to use his money to say he's not
guilty? I don't think so, but he will learn that it's not all
about money. Money is the best, though, everyone loves
it but some people are just different because of where
they are from.
I think if a rich person were to put themselves in
the shoes of a poor person, that person would kind of
understand how bad it is to be poor and would probably
never want to be in that situation again.
-Jesus
From The Beat: It's not fun to be locked up or poor, but you make a good
point about how switching sides would create more understanding.
Thanks for sharing your perspective.
ck.
Lucky Or Not
I would have to say that the unluckiest person is myself.
Everywhere I go and whoever I am with, I have bad luck
Most of the time the bad luck gets me put in here. Even
when I am in here I have bad luck. I could be on my way
getting out, and I could get into a fight and then get
rebooked, and it has happened. The only luck I think I
have is getting with girls.
-Doubtful Guy
From The Beat: Are you sure that bad things happen to you because of
pure luck, or is there something that maybe you are doing to yourself
to make bad things happen to you? Also, have you thought about the
intentions or purpose behind some of your past behavior?
Good News
x
I got into the program I've been writing about every week!
That's good news. When I get out, I'm gong to have to
sacrifice a lot if I want to stay out and do my program, but I
am willing to do it. I'd have to give up smoking in order to be
successful.
I have now realized that my family and loved ones are
more important than anything and if I'm going to be putting
in work, it's going to be for them and no one else.
-Thor
From The Beat: We're happy for you Thor! Good things will come your
way as long as you avoid negative things. Take care of yourself out in
Reuniting with my family.
I have had a bad relationship with my family. The last
two years my family and I have had a split up. I will be
reunited with my family once and for all. No more on the
run. I leave this place of probation because I will be 18
ears old and now I'm a grown up woman. No one can tell
me what to do except my mom and dad.
Me and my dad are closest out of my family. I have
not seen him for a year because he has been locked up so
now we are going to be best friends again. Love always.
-Destiny
From The Beat: That's wonderful that you are reuniting with your family.
There is no substitute for family because we only have one family.
I'm Getting Out Today
Damn, I'm getting out today. I'm so happy. I'm never going
to come back. I just want to tell my homegirls in here that
I'm going to miss them. Keep your head up girls. They
know who they are. I don't want to fight anymore because
if I do then I'm gonna come back here to JJC. Well that's
it. Peace out.
-Giggles
From The Beat: We hope you stay out but it takes a lot more than
wanting to stay out to stay out. We need to change who we hang with,
we need to change how we think, we need to change how we react.
r
Can They Do It?
X
\
The rich people think about the poor because some people
have money. That is why some people work in the fields to get
money and some people work in an office, for other people.
Poor people need to work more than rich people so that's
why they work harder than the rich people. The poor need to
educate their children so that they can help them not have to
work so hard.
-Ulises
From The Beat: People who want to be comfortable in life need to work
hard to get what they want no matter how rich or poor they are. And
working hard requires skills that you can't get while being locked up.
Sacrifices
I would sacrifice anything to get myself home. I would give
up all but one friend. I would give up cigarettes and weed
and whatever else it takes. I am 12 years old and I've already
messed up so bad that I'm in Juvi. I personally believe that I
need to go home to be a good role model for my sisters.
When I get out, I'm not coming back. I know that there
are some things that I can never take back. But I also know
that there are other things that I can fix.
-Denii
From The Beat: That's the way they say the wise one goes; she knows
what she can change and what she can't and she does the things she
can and let's the other things go.
^^^^^^^^^_^_^_^_
Never Giving Up
That's what I would have to give to change my life and
future. What is keeping me from giving up is the fact that it
makes everything I love so much better. The sacrifices that
my grandparents made up for me make me feel a lot of guilt
when I don't change but I continue to do the same.
My grandparents are giving up time, money, and love for
me and that's what I am willing to give up for them if need be.
But not my drug of choice.
-Thizz
From The Beat: The drugs you choose to do can take away your ability
to repay your grandparents, are you sure you want to take that risk?
r
£HHnU-HIE W1MJSM/7A
Your Love
\
My life is filled with love
Especially the love for you
Love is in my heart
It's starting to break through
It's starting to flow through
My blood
I can see it my love
It's starting to come out
Pretty soon the words
I love you
Are gonna come out my mouth
This crush for you is deep
It's down
It's deep
So deep, that you can't measure
My very love using feet
It's clear to me
What I can see is my love
For you
My love for you
Can inspire what we can do
It is also based on
What we been through
What we been through
Are the greatest series of events
So to not love you
It wouldn't be likely
It wouldn't make sense
But at least my life is filled with love
From all kinds of people
You can see it
You can spot it from a mile away
Just like you were an eagle
So I'm gonna live this life of mine
That's filled with joy and pain
But please baby, without your love
It wouldn't be the same
-Devonte
From The Beat: We sense there is a deep longing in your poem, but
there is also some sadness. It's good to write it out and not keep those
emotions inside. Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece.
Addicted To Mary Janes
When will I change? Only God knows. Will I go back to
the street, runnin' into the five-o, on the outs. It's real
tough to stay away from all the drugs that I will see all
day. Right now I am locked up and ain't thinking of her,
but Mary Jane is the only way I know how to calm my
nerves. I know that I am addicted.
My grandma doesn't like it. But it's my stress, and I
can't fight it. She is not the reason that I am in here, but
she didn't help me. I am hurting my family, but most of all
myself, when will I change? Only God knows. I have my
mind set strong, on not getting blown.
-Problems
From The Beat: When we don't want to do something, we should replace
it with something else, so what can you do instead, that can help
you grow and be happy? We noticed that you focus on the drugs, the
outward behavior, and what's happening outside of yourself. However,
you did spend a moment to talk about calm nerves, stress, and hurt.
We encourage you to think about what's happening on the inside,
your emotions, why you feel anxiety. Spend this time to understand
yourself.
Sirrj Mil
\
Sorry Daddy for growing up so fast. Sorry for giving up on
myself. Sorry Daddy for not being Daddy's Lil Gurl no more.
Also Daddy, sorry for yelling at you.
Also sorry for hurting Momma. If I could I would say
sorry for giving my love away. Sorry for walking off on you.
Also sorry Daddy for telling you that you are dumb. Sorry
Daddy for making the same mistakes you made. If I could,
I would tell you that I love you and ask you to forgive you.
Sorry Daddy. I love you always.
-Jamikka
From The Beat: We admire your willingness to accept responsibility
and your willingness to ask for forgiveness. We hope and pray that you
receive it and if those who can, don't forgive you then we hope and pray
that you forgive yourself. Peace.
Ninety More Days
\
I went to court on Thursday and they gave me a pretty good
deal. Instead of giving me a year in boot camp they gave me
three months. I almost got two months but some other stuff
came up and I got thirty more days. I have done forty five
days so far, before I got committed and it's not even that bad
here. Even now it is not that bad but I don't want to come
back so I can do productive things in life.
When I get out I am just going to kick it with the homies.
I am going to finish my year and a half on probation and try
to stay away from dealing.
-Daniel
From The Beat: You are very lucky to get a break, and the wise thing to
do is to keep in mind that you may not be so lucky next time! So don't
take the wrong chances!
The Lucky One
I am lucky because I still have my mom here supporting me
and even though my sisters are with CPS, I am lucky they
are still alive.
There are many things I guess I am lucky for, and one
of those things is life, and life goes on even though I am
incarcerated. It doesn't mean life stops. If you think it does,
then think again cause this is just the beginning. You can
use your time wisely here and get educated, or you can use
your time to rebuild trust and love with your mom, like me.
-Puppet
From The Beat: Your piece inspires! Each week, we see you are really
making an effort to reconnect with your mom. We hope she knows how
lucky she is to have a son who wants to make things better.
r
- agnnnnsH mrnmm
Lucky And Unlucky
I am writing about being lucky and unlucky because I myself
am both. This is my first time here, so I can't say what I have
been through much yet. One day my big brother had to go
to county, and now he is on parole. The police came looking
for him but he was in custody two nights before that. They
searched my room and found some stuff so I had to come
in.
Court released me with a monitor. I violated that, so now
I am in here and my court date is next week. I know that
I am not at fault because they searched my room without
consent and papers, so I am hoping that the judge will drop
the charges.
The worst thing about it is that I wasn't even on probation
so I hope I get out of here because this isn't the place for me.
I love my family and my baby girl too much to be here.
-Brandon
From The Beat: You are lucky that you have a brother whose struggles
you can avoid in your own life. You only make yourself unlucky when
you do things that you should have in the first place.
Raving
This is what I live for. I live for the weekend. Forget a
nine to five job. All I want to do is to have a fun time. I
literally have the time of my life every time I go to one. It
is a life-time experience, and once you do you will never
want to give up. I don't really have a reason not to do
these things.
My mom is the root of all of the reasons why I do the
stuff that I do, so that's not a reason because of all of the
stuff that she has done to me. But I guess maybe my dad
is a good reason to not do these things, because he has
done a lot for me and I do want to pay him back for that.
-Wolfe
From The Beat: Showing others respect will help you to respect yourself.
How can you show him respect, because that will pay him back for sure!
We would like you to think a bit about your comment about how all you
want to do is to have a fun time. We would like encourage you to ask
the people who seem to enjoy their life and seem to be healthy.. .do they
work, do they spend time to have fun, what are their friendships and
family relationships like...?
Marijuana
I think that I should give up drugs to make my future
better. I have been smoking herb since sixth grade. I was
introduced to it by my older cousin. I have too many
problems, that is what I think keeps me from making that
sacrifice. Usually when I have problems I smoke pot most
of the time.
My parents have given up a lot of things for me, I bet.
I don't think that I could give up smoking. I am addicted
to it, I think. I tried to stop for my girlfriend, because she
is there for me. But I couldn't. But maybe I could stop.
-Oso
From The Beat: What other things can you do when you get stressed out
by problems, that won't get you into trouble?
Just To
\
They try to stop me but police don't even have a chance
Don't even try it 'cause my pistol poppin' out my pants
And it's itchin' to pop on those tryin' to cap on me
You can't catch me 'cause I am trigga flnga happy.
But I can't help it.
I told you that it is just the way I am.
If you don't get it by now
I will make you understand.
-Lil' Whodini
From The Beat: We would like to see you give yourself a chance to live
your life, but if you don't want that chance for yourself, life will never
get better. If you had a choice to choose between a life that is changing,
evolving and learning OR a life that is fixed, "it is just the way I am,"
which would you choose?
mnmnE mmi/rMM
^\
Can The Rich Put Themselves In The
Shoes Of The Poor
Na they can't do it they wouldn't know what to do if they
was in their situation because they wouldn't know how
to live with a little bit of money especially since they use
to getting everything they want so they won't know how
to save money.
-Real Talk
From The Beat: What would they learn if they tried?
I'm Not Feeling The Topics
What up Beat this ya boy Happy Feet doing it live up in
the hall. Well today like usual I'm not feeling the topics
so I'm just gonna write what's on my mind but yeah let
me tell you about this girl I know on the outs she's hella
fine and she's really nice and this song is stuck in my
head...
-Jesse
From The Beat: We had to edit your song... It was not appropriate for
the peaceful intentions of the Beat! We hope this girl on the outs is a
good influence for you.
Notebook and a Pen
x
I'm in challenge tryna finish this track note book and
a pen always on my lap boy I'm never faking the boys
I'm shaken because everywhere I go I got the trunk earth
quaken fasho lil Alex gotta bring home that bacon every
dang thang I do is straight money making and man I got a
all pro team like John Madden beezy slapping irby beats
clappen man what is it let me get her digits I'll pay her a
visit because that's just how we do it in the town.
-Lil 1 Dopey
From The Beat: We had to edit your piece a little, but hopefully we still
got the flavor of your piece.
Can The Rich Put Themselves In Our Shoes
The rich people could not put themselves in our shoes.
They won't last 30 days in our shoes. They probably get
on dope. Real dope.
-Pooh
From The Beat: What would they find so difficult they'd have to escape
on dope? Is there anything they might find, in your shoes that is
positive and would help them?
r
&M£nnnntE mwi/wim
Sacrifice If Necessary
\
The only time I would sacrifice anything that I do or
anything at all if it's had to be done. For example, if I had
a baby on the way and I knew I couldn't take care of it
unless I change and get a job then maybe I would have to
sacrifice a lot.
The sacrifice is going to be a lot because when you
try to stop doing one thing it ends up to be everything
you do. That's a real big step in life but if its important
enough then its worth to give it a chance, but if it aint
then most likely I'm not going to make the sacrifice.
-Chow Main
From The Beat: You make the point that everything is connected one
way or another in our lives. Steps end up being more far reaching
than they look at first. You'd change everything for a baby, which is
important. Could you think of your own life and potential as being as
fresh and worthy of commitment? You and your life count too.
Good Conies to You
x
Yes I believe in luck most people say you can just be
blessed! But when you're doing bad and sinning every day
and good still comes to you I think that's luck.
I remember one time I was going around tighten,
stealen, roben all nite the next da I hit tha block early
before every one got there and did it live all day and nite.
-Cash
From The Beat: When did that luck run out? Sometimes if you look at
the really big picture luck in the moment looks different. Maybe one
guy doesn't get caught up (and seems lucky), and one guy does — and one
guy ends up changing, and having a life.. .and the other guy doesn't,
X
Lucky And Unlucky Sacrifices
What's up Beat? Sacrificing for my future, see sacrificing
is a big deal in life, sacrifices can be made for the good or
for the worst.
Many people have sacrificed a lot for me and I've done
the same, now I need to sacrifice a habit not just for me,
but for everyone else around me.
And if you ask me I'm an unlucky person, that's just
one view from me. I could sacrifice something to do good,
but sometimes after that, my luck just drops.
My ninja (m) is the luckiest person I know. He do
everything that I do an more an never gets into it with the
law, an when I just side step on that line, I come to find
myself hemped up on a curb, but guess time catches up
with everyone.
-AM
From The Beat: We think your hard work on yourself will get you a lot
farther than relying on luck, good or bad! If you could see the really
big picture of your life you might evaluate your lucky or unlucky times
differently.
Real Boys Get Real Lucky
I remember when I had only like 30 dollars then I went
to go shoot dice and at the end of the game I had like 230
dollars. I got lucky that day.
Another time when I was only like in the six grade and
I seen this girl she was in the 8th grade she was bad too.
At first I was scared to say something but then I called
her over where I was and I snatched her from somebody.
I was mess'n wit her for a cool little minute. We
was mess'n wit' each other for like two years~I was the
luckiest man on the team.
-Lil 1 Rashawn
From The Beat: Maybe it wasn't luck! Maybe you're a great guy and she
could see that. ..The thing about luck is it can be bad or good right? If
you are a good guy people will respond to that, it's not luck.
Forget The Rich Man
The rich man won't be able to have the shoes of a poor
man
because they don't now how it is to be poor.
The rich people don't care 'bout us they wanna run
every thang around them because they think money is
every thang. So the poor always find a way to get money.
-Sleepy D
From The Beat: How will things change if there's no understanding?
Do you have any ideas of what might communicate between rich and
poor?
Lucky Or Unlucky
x
I've been lucky in some situations with staff, some staff
really work with you and treat you like you're in a group
home like the real definition of New Foundations, and
they know who they are... some staff in here, just come
here just to get paid and treat you like you the lowest
thing on earth... They know who they are... Those been
my unlucky situations... to the staff that really works
with kids don't stop doing what you doing...
-Running the Best Program
From The Beat: All through life you'll find people who understand you
and support you, allies, and those that don't and don't care to. Put your
attention and energy into the people who give it back to you!
Lucky
There's been several of situations I could of died, but I
didn't. Also there has
been times I could of got caught in any kind of way
especially when
you're living this crazy life...Orale pues I'm out
-Traviesa
From The Beat: Do you think you're lucky to have this chance to get
yourself together, and make good plans for your future?
r
A Good Program
x
What's up Beat, I'm up in challenge right now, I been
up in here for a minute doing my time I'm tryna get this
money and I been in here for hella long.
I been running a good program in here so it's all good
I'm Anna touchdown in June. I've been taking it one day
at a time.
-Mille
From The Beat: When you were a little kid what did you want to be
when you grew up? There are more job training programs now thanks
to Obama. How would you like a "green" job?
Focused
\
J L
Everyday I make sacrifices for my future. Before I would
never even think about sacrificing anything. I was hard
headed.
Now, I have to sacrifice my friends, thoughts, anger,
lifestyle, and even living situation just so I can better
myself.
I had to do this so I wouldn't go back to my old ways.
The ultimate test is when I get out so I can see if I follow
through with these sacrifices or if I go back to my old
ways.
I have to stay focused or else I will end up in a bad
situation again.
-Hard Headed in the Past
From The Beat: You do sound focused. What helps keep you motivated?
What helps you stay focused? We think it will help you to keep what's
really important to you in the front of your mind...
r
&Mnnnn*EE mmmmm- //
Mi Vida Desde Nina
\
Cuando mi mama se vino a US, yo era muy pequefia y
apenas tenia unos cuantos afios. Mi mama me mandaba
dinero para la comida, pero en tres meses que ella se
habia ido mi hermana mas grande murio.
Mi familia no sintio nada por ella porque ella no vivio
con nosotros.
Despues un dia un nifto me ofrecio droga y en ese
tiempo yo tenia un apenas 11 afios. Viviia en Mexico. Lo
acepte. Yo me sentia muy bien. Le segui poniendo a la
cocaine hasta que mi abuelita se dio cuenta y me mando
con mi mama aqui. Mi madre le dijo a mi abuelita que
no me queria aqui porque era muy peligroso por las
pandillas.
Al ano y medio, mi mama le llamo a mi abuelita y le
dijo que en dos meses me iba a mandar con ella y ahora
estoy aqui.
Cuando tenia 12 y medio de edad, commence a
juntarme con pandilleros, pero no me traia nada bueno.
Solo me la pasaba drogandome. Ahora tengo muchos
problemas lo que yo nunca habia querido. Ahora mi
mama me apoya y me da consejo sobre lo que tengo y no
tengo que hacer. Ahora ya tengo 14 afios y estoy mucho
mejor con mi mama.
From The Beat: Sentimos mucho lo de tu perdida y tambien sentimos que
desde pequena edad hayas tenido que aguantar una vida sin control.
Ahora las cosas ya han cambiado. Ahora ya tienes el apoyo de tu madre
quien te aconseja y esta dispuesta apoyarte en lo que sbhs. Es tiempo
que tomes un nuevo rumbo en tu vida. Ahora ya eres toda una dolecente
que necesita la vida normal de cualquier joven que se merece. Tienes
toda una vida que disfrutar.
Ever Since I Was A Little Girl
When my mom came to the US, I was very young, and I
was a few years old. My mom would send me money for
food. A few months after she left, my older sister died.
My family wasn't affected because she didn't live with
us.
Later a kid offered me drugs and I accepted. Around
that time, I was 11 years old. I was living in Mexico. I felt
very good using it. I continued using cocaine until my
grandmother found out about it and sent me to my mom.
My mother told my grandmother that she didn't want me
here because it was dangerous due to the gangs.
A year and a half later, my mom called my grandmother
and told her that she was going to send me back to her in
two month, but I came here.
When I was 12 and a half. I started to hang with
gangsters but it didn't do anything good to me. I would
spend my time getting high. Now I have a lot of problems
I never wanted. Now my mom supports me and gives me
advice about what I have to do and what I can't do. Now I
am 14 years old and things with my mom are better.
-Emilita, Marin
From The Beat: We are sorry about your loss and we are also sorry
for that uncontrollable life that you had. Now things have changed.
Now you have the support of your mother who gives you advice and is
willing to work with you to help you out. This is the time to take a new
lead in your life. Now you are a youth who needs to get back the life a
normal youth deserves. You have a whole life to enjoy.
/ started to hang with
gangsters but it didn't do
an ^ thing good to me.
Para Que Se Den Cuenta
Alguien pregunto que si los ricos se pueden poner los
zapatos de los pobres. Claro que si me gustaria para que
se dieran cuenta como es ganar el pan de cada dia porque
los ricos malgastan el dinero. Cuando tienen mucho
dinero, compran drogas mientra el pobre no tiene para
comer. ^Por que en lugar de comprar drogas buscan como
ayudar a los pobres para que tengamos un mejor futuro.
From The Beat: Tienes razonf^Si fueras rico, como ayudarias a los
pobres?
So They Would Know
Someone asked if rich people would put themselves into
the shoes of the poor. Well, I would like that so they can
know how hard it is for us to gain the bread we eat when
they waste their money. When they have a lot of money,
they buy a lot of drugs while the poor don't have anything
to eat. Why won't they help the poor instead of buying
drugs?
-Conejo, Marin
From The Beat: You're right! But, if you were rich, how would you help
the poor?
Esa Foto
Las fotos se toman en fiestas, cumpleanos o cuando
andas en un equipo de soccer. Las tomas para asi tener
un recuerdo de las cosas que pasastes bien.
En tu cumpleanos, te tomas fotos con todas las
familias. En la fiestas, te tomas con tus amigos o con
personas que mas quieres que son buena onda contigo.
Cuando andas en un equipo de soccer, te tomas fotos
cuando andas jugando o cuando ganas un trofeo.
Esas fotos tu las guardas porque pasastes un tiempo
hermoso, compartistes muchas cosas y asi tienes algo
con que recordar lo de tu vida.
Hay veces que tu familia te toma fotos cuando estas
chico y te empiezas a contar de tu niiiez, el tiempo que
pasaron felices contigo.
Por eso es bueno guardar tus fotos para tener recuerdo
de tus pasado vivos.
From The Beat: Te agradecemos tus opinines siertas sobre las rezones
por las cuales nos tomamos fotos. £Dinos y tu tienes fotos de tu ninez?
iTienes fotos de algunos momentos bonitos en tu vida? ;Deberias!
That Picture
Pictures are taken in parties, birthdays or when being part
of a soccer team. People take them to keep the memories
of a good fun alive.
In your birthday, you take picture with your whole
family. In parties, you take pictures with your friends or
with people you care and who are good to you.
When you are part of a soccer team, you take pictures
when you are playing or when you win a trophy. People
safe those picture because they spent a good time, shared
good things, and you keep it to remind people of it.
There are times when your family takes picture of you
when you are younger so they can tell you about your
childhood and about the good time they spent with you.
That's why it is a good thing to safe your picture, so you
can keep your past alive.
-Pitufo, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We thank you for your inputs on this topic about the
exact reason why we take and keep pictures. Do you have picture of
your childhood? Do you have picture of any happy moment of your life?
You should!
W
&Mnnnn*EE mmmmm- //
ion get to realize that money
doesn't give if on health, love,
peace in your heart or make you
proud when knowing that you
are spending money you stole
from someone.
El Dinero No LoEsTodo
X
Sacrificandome Para Mi Futuro
Para empezar lo que debo cambiar es mi caracter y
mi forma de ser. Al menos a mi no me detiene nada y
simplemente no he querido. Ahora que cahi en la carcel
si quiero cambiar. Cuando pienso en sacrificios que han
hecho por mi es cuando estoy en mi cuarto y mas en las
noches.
La neta es que nunca me he sacrificado por ellos,
pero quisiera probar que es lo que siente sacrificarse por
alguien. Si les platicara lo que han hecho por mi, nunca
acabaria de contarles y seria capaz de hacer todo por
ellos.
Claro que nunca se van a poner los ricos en los
zapatos de los pobres porque les costaria mucho.
Si los jueces pasaran el tiempo encarcelado que yo
he pasado, pes apuesto que no durarian ni una hora por
querer salirse.
Si he conocido a una persona con suerte. El fue mi
amigo quien fue mi maestro. El maestro salio y el alumno
que soy yo le dieron un tiempo en la carcel. El salio sin
programa y sin nada.
From The Beat: £Sabes que nadie te detiene a cambiar, entonces porque
no lo has intentado? £Que es lo que estas esperando que pase contigo
para que puedas cambiar? Deberias de buscar la forma como sacrificarte
por aquellos quienes te quieren y darte una oportunidad de ser feliz en
la vida. Alejate de las malas influencias que solo te metan en problemas.
Aprende de tus erores.
Sacrificing Myself For My Future
To start this off, what I need to change is my way of
behaving and my attitude. Nobody is holding me back,
but I just simply don't want to change. Now that I am in
jail, I want to change. I think about the sacrifices people
have done for me when at night when I'm in my room.
The truth is that I've never sacrificed anything for
them, but I want to try what it is to make sacrifices. But If
were to tell you about all the sacrifices people have done
for me, I wouldn't have time to share it with you. But yes,
I am able to do anything for them.
Of course that rich people would never put themselves
in the shoes of the poor because it would be something
hard for them to do. If judges were to spend some time
I've served, they wouldn't handle it, not even one hour.
They would want to get released.
Yes, I have met a person with good luck. He was my
friend and my teacher. The teacher got out and the student
got time in jail. I'm the student, and he is the teacher. He
got out without program, and clean.
-Chino, Santa Clara
From The Beat: If you know that nobody is holding you to change,
why don't you try? What are you waiting to happen to you in order to
make this change You should find the way to make sacrifices for those
who care for you and give yourself the chance to live a better life. Stay
away from bad influence that can get you into trouble, your teacher for
Pues yo siempre habia pensado que el dinero era la mejor
manera de salir de problemas y salir adelante pero ubo un
dia donde el dinero que ganaba, haciendoles un mal a la
gente como robando, solo me sirvio para joderme mas y para
gastarlo en drogas.
Te das cuenta que el dinero no te da salud, amor, y paz en
tu corazon muncho menos te sientes orgullo cuando sabes
que estas gastando dinero mal habido que robaste de otra
personas. O sea que el dinero no es todo en la vida.
Hay otras cosas mas importantes al igual que estar bien
con nuestro criador y todo Poderoso Dios, que nos deja ver
cada nuevo dia el amanecer con
nuestros propios ojos.
From The Beat:Estas en lo cierto el dinero mal habido. No te d alas cosas
que el dinero bien habido te pueda dar. Asi como lo obtienes, de esa
misma forma lo pierdes y hasta peormente. Solo date un vistazo a las
cosas que ese dinero te ha llebado. £Alguna vez has ganado el dinero
en buenas maneras?
Money Is Not Everything
Well, I've always thought that money was the best way to get
rid of problems and succeed, but one day that money I would
get by hurting someone, was used to hurt me more and spent
it drugs.
You get to realize that money doesn't give you health,
love, peace in your heart or make you proud when knowing
that you are spending money you stole from someone. In
other words, money is not everything in life.
There are other things that are more important like being
ok with our creator Almighty God, who let us see another day
with our own eyes.
-Armando, Alameda
From The Beat: You're right about fast money. It doesn't give you the
things that good money could provide. The same way you get it will
be the same way you will waste it or even worse. Just take a look at
what fast money has gotten you to. Have you ever gained money in the
proper way?
wn
I P™
r
La Mujer De Mi Vida
Hoy me encuentro solo recordando a un amor que tube.
Estoy recordando a una lindisima persona que ame, pero
le tube que fallar una y otra vez. Despues de perderla, hoy
me encuentro encerrado en la juvenile pensando en que
voy a hacer cuando saiga.
Pienso que la vida mia dia tras dia se consume sin
poder ver a mi ex-novia, sin poder pedirle perdon por todo
el dano que le hice.
En las noches me despierto con lagrimas en los ojos
por no poder estar con ella.
From The Beat: Todavia no es tarde. Tendras la oportunidad de salir y
tartar de ganarte el amor de tu amada. Si la anas, has la cosas bien para
ti y ella. £Crees que puedas con eso?
The Love Of My Life
J L
I find myself thinking about a love I had. I am thinking
about the person I love, but I had to fail her over and over
again. After losing her, I find myself locked up in juvenile
hall thinking about what I'm going to do when I get out. I
feel that my life get is getting to its end day by day without
being able to see my ex-girl and without being able to ask
her to forgive me for the harm I caused.
At night, I wake up with tears in my eyes for not being
with her.
-Luis, Fresno
From The Beat: It's not too late. You will have the chance to get out and
try to gain the love of your life back. If you love her, do the right thing
for you and for her. Can you do that?
,
EBmnnmE mmmmts
\
Los Dos Amores De Mi Vida
Pienso en que tal vez los unicos dos amores de mi vida
se apartarian de mi. Son mi mama y mi novia. Me duele el
estar pensando que no puedo estar con ellas. M u y
pronto tengo corte y tengo fe en que voy a salir de este
lugar.
Si mi madre muere, me gustaria que en el entierro
vaya alguien que la ame mas que yo. Si mi novia me deja y
se casara con otro me gustaria que se casara con alguien
que la ame mas que yo.
Solamente quiero que ellas busquen a alguien que las
ame mas que yo quien las ama como no tienen idea y que
yo daria la vida por las dos.
A ti madre: Te doy las gracias, aunque estoy en este
lugar, por darme todo tu amor, carifio, tus consejos, y
tus abrazos. Gracias madre por traerme a este mundo
gracias.
A ti mi amor: te doy las gracias porque contigo he
aprendido a luchar en esta vida. Aunque estamos jovenes,
pienso en compartir toda mi vida contigo, y no importa lo
que page. Sea bueno o malo, yo siempre voy a estar a tu
labo para ayudarte. Yo voy a ser mejor. Se los prometo!
Las amo!
From The Beat: Que Linda dedicacion! Se nota miicho que las quieres
mucho y que estas dispuesto a dar lo que sea para que ellas sean felices.
£Pero que estas dispuesto a dar por ellas? Ya tu sabes que es lo que
necesitan para que lo esten. £Cuales son los planes que tienes en mente
para cumplir tu promesa? Te recomendamos que si vas a prometer algo,
que siempre cumpla. Las promesas quebrados duelen mas.
The Two Love Of My Life
I think that maybe the two love of my life would leave me.
They are my mom and my girl. It hurt me to think that I
can't be with them. Very soon, I'm going to have court and
I have faith that I'll get out.
If my mother dies, I would like someone who love her
like I do to be over there. If my girl leaves me, and marries
another person, I would like her to marry someone who
can love her more than I do.
All I want for them is to find someone who can love
them more than I do. I love them like you got no idea and
I would give my life for them.'
For you mother: I thank you, even though I'm in this
place, for giving me all your love, caress, advices and
hugs. Thank you for bringing me to this world.
To you my love: I want to thank you because with you
I've learned how it is to fight in life. Eventhough we are
young, I'm seeking the chance to shary our lives together,
and I don't care how much it will take. Good or bad, I will
always by your side to help you. I'll be better. I promise! I
love you!
-Alberto, Fresno
From The Beat: What a nice dedication. It's obvious how much you love
them and are willing to give up for them to be happy? But, what are
you willing to give up for them? You know what they need from you?
What are your plans to keep your promise alive? We recommed you not
to promise something that you can't keep. Broken promises can be more
painful.
The most beautiful thing I've
gotten oh Valentine's Da if was
being with mtf family, That's the
best gift of all,
\
Nadie Gambia De Un Dia A Otro
Hola a todos los compas. Pues nadie cambia de un dia
a otro. Yo les voy a contar algo. Yo no podria cambiar asi
porque todo se toma su tiempo. Por eso hay que pensar
en las cosas cuando quieras algo.
Lo que quiero en mi futuro o cuando saiga de aqui es
empezar a continuar mi vida. Quiero dejar de andar con
personas que no tiene nada en el futuro, y dejar de andar
haciendo cosas que son malas. Ya no me quiero meter en
problemas con otras personas como venganza.
Lo mas bonito que me han regalado en un dia de San
Valentine fue estar con mi familia y convivir con ellos.
Ese es el regalo que me han dado. No puedo estar con
ellos porque estoy encerrado.
Muy pronto voy a estar con ellos. Ya mero me voy
para estar con ellos. No tengo mas tiempo para contarles
mas.
From The Beat: Nos parece que tienes razon en dejar de juntarte con
personas que no te convienen. Solo el hecho de estar con ellos te puedes
meter en serios problemas. Busca como conocer amigos que tengan
mejor chanza de futuro, personas que te puedan llebar un lugar mejor
que este.
Nobody Changed From One Day
To Another One
Hi to all my friends. Nobody changed from one day to
another. I'm going to share something. I couldn't change
like this because everything takes time. That's why you
have to think about things when you want something.
What I want for my future or when I get out from here
is to continue my life. I want to stop being with people
that don't have a future ahead of them and stop doing
things that are bad. I don't want to get into trouble with
other people like revenge.
The most beautiful things I've gotten in a Valentine's
Day was being with my family. That's the best gift of all. I
can't be with them because I am locked up.
Very soon, I will go with them. I'll leave soon to be
with them. I don't have more time to say more.
-Paco, Santa Clara
From The Beat: It sounds good to us that you're thinking to stop
hanging with people who are not for your convenience. Just to be with
them, you can get into very serious problems like other have. Seek to
meet people with a better chance of future, people that can lead you to
a better place than this one.
r
&Mnnnn*EE mmmmm- //
Perdoname Ama
Perdoname ama,
no te quise lastimar
me quisiste avisar
no te pude escuchar
me mandabas ala escuela
me pintiaba con los homies
en la casa de mi amigo me pasaba
tome y tome le entrabamos a todo
no teniamos perdon
el jefe del barrio era mi homie
el mas chingon
Pero todo yaga al fin
la lana se acabo
quise ser un jale
asaltar la licor
No quise usar mi cuete
pero mi homie se aselero
le metio un cuentaso al chino
y al piso se cayo,
en medio del pedo
no supe que paso
corri pal otro lado
y la jura me alcanzo
me dijo no "te muevas o te trueno aqui pelon"
despues de ese dia otra vida enpeso,
cuando iba en la patruya
pense en mijefita
ora si que la regue
yo recuerdo que mi jefe me decia
no hay ni pandilla
ni homeboy que te saque de este olio,
Ahora encerrado
el resto de mi vida sufriendo un gran dolor
por fayarle ami jeflta
ya no se que hacer
mi vida esta perdida
pagare las consecuencias
ya no habra salida,
en la calle fui chingon
pero aqui no valgo nada
Soy un simple numero como otros camarandas
aunque no fue mi culpa
y no quise yo matar
si andas en pandilla
lo mismo te va a pasar
vas a estar encarselado
pensando que hacer
si me hubiera yo quedado hacer el bien
por eso yo les digo
sigan.
Buenos paisas hay que ser cumplidos, y sigan estudiantos.
Destroce el corazon de mi madre la que medio su sangre,
la que me dio a luz y me quito el hambre y el sufrimiento
que tengo mi vida.
Perdoname ama. No te quise lastimar.
From The Beat: Esperantos que esta carta llegue a las manos de tu madre y
sepa entenderte como lo hicimos. A veces cometemos errores que nos hacen
paga muchisimo de lo que nos imaginamos. Aunque tu no hayas hecho el
crimen fuistes parte del crimen. Se llama conspiracion. Esta experiencia
te ayudara e entender bien tu situacion. Esperantos que busques la forma
como mantenerte con fuerzas para poder enfrentar las consecuencias de
tus actos. La vida no se acaba aqui, sigue con tu cabeza en alto y lucha por
salir de este lugar con seguridad.
Forgive Me Mother
I didn't want to hurt you
You wanted to warn me
And I couldn't listen to you
You would send me to school
But I would hang with my homies instead
I drank and drank, I would use anything
We didn't show any mercy
The boss of the 'hood was my homie
The tightest
But everything has its ending
Money was spent
I wanted to do a dirt
To steal from a store
I didn't want to use my gun
But my homie got accelerated
Shot the Chinese guy
And he fell on the ground
In the middle of the scene
I didn't know what to do
I ran to the other side
and the police caught me
and told me, "don't move or I'll kill you, bold headed"
After that day, another life started
When I was in the police car
I thought about my mother
This time, I messed up
I remember my mom would tell me
There isn't a gang
Or a homeboy that can get you out of this hole
Now I am locked up
The rest of my life, suffering a big pain
By failing my mother
I don't know what to do
My life has ended
I'll pay the consequences
There will never be an exit
In the streets I was tight
But I'm nothing here
I am another simple number like other friends
Even if it wasn't my fault
If you're in gangs
The same thing will happen
You will be locked up
Thinking what would I be doing
If I had stay to do right
That's wrote I say this to you.
Well my friend you have to be reasonable and keep going
to school. I destroyed my mother's heart, the one who gave
me her blood, the one who gave light, the one who took
away my hunger, and the sufferings I have in life. Forgive
me mother. I didn't want to hurt you.
-Lil' Joker, Fresno
From The Beat: We hope this poem gets to her and take the time to
understand you, like we have. Sometimes we make mistakes that make
us pay so much that we can ever imagine. Even if you were not the one
who pulled the trigger, you are part of the crime. We call the conspiracy
This experience should teach a lesson that will help you understand what
things should not be done. We hope you find the strength that you will
need to confront the consequences of your action. Your life doesn't end
here, keep your head up and fight hard to get out of here safe.
/ destroyed nn/ mother's heart, the one who gave we her blood, the one who gave light,
the one who took awatf nitf hunger, and the sufferings I have In life.
/ 7^ wzz nnzMzzzzzmz m
'UBCnB OWZBnU/SKX'
The Cheapskate
I never really needed seeing glasses
Just always expected more from a vision
Come to find it empty
No matter how detailed you slice it
I still don't see the point
Vivid imagery only appeal to the soul blinded
Those who will only see beauty in light
Traveling at tip of the iceberg speeds
A dark side at every fathom
Along yet unimagined spectrums
A lump of coal has a long way to go
Before it becomes a diamond that is
Only forever because we've never
Cared to really go there
Just figured it would come to us.
I made for my girl a ring
From dried celery fibers
The only insurance that it needs
For life
Is that she never go too hungry.
Mama Fortuna
Put the key in the ignition
Twist it in, hit switches
Let 'em spin while the world just stops
I move across the hills
And through the valleys in a mist
Na-na-na-na ya just missed me again
It ain't about nothing
I shall not want.
Oh, you didn't know
I've got ho's and homies in hell too
At times I do worry
And I wonder
What the devil a man
Like I must go through hoop after hoop
And every crack of your whip I just lick my lips
Why don't you think...
You've got it coming?
We would like to give a warm welcome to our next writer, Jacob,
as this is his very first experience of The Beat Within. Jacob is a
first time writer as he looks to submit his creative pieces of poetry
and have them heard throughout The Beat Community. In these three
very outstanding poems Jacob's writing goes above and beyond trying
to get his message across. A first time writer, and a very skilled one at
that, Jacob sends us his work from a Correctional Facility in Camp Hill,
Pennsylvania.
A Fully Grown Doy Playing Like A Puppy
See, my idea of anarchy is a
Compost heap on a concrete street
A non-profit economy so we
Wouldn't all be forced to become thieves
Ownership is the essence of order
A counterfeit clockwork at the
Expense of natural hierarchy
No longer a grazing herd or hunting pack
Humanity has abandoned its pride
We've colonized, becoming fully automated
Earth may have evolved apes from primates
But the origin of the intellect that
We are possessed by is alien insect
A parasitic species probably a decomposer
Carried on dominant genes of our weak
They unravel brain coils learning
To better exploit our appetitive selves
Procreating pale, ungainly beetle
Faces breeders that feast on the naive and the meek
Who's humble indifference to desire is an inherent
Resistance to the controlling greed
But the difference has become apparent
And we are now targeted directly
Reluctantly subdividing our purity
And selling off bits of soul piecemeal
Just trying to remain under the radar
It starts with being, and knowing of the good
But wanting of, and becoming the evil
The will to choose is too alluded
To produce truth in self
So our curiosity creates a life of it's own
The lie-
From where we justify
Our daily labor
Biting the handoff the feeder.
Hmanittf has abandoned its pride
We We colonized, becoming fully automated
Anyels
As an angel came to visit me
At least that's how it seems,
We walked and talked about you
as we drifted through my dreams
In a moment full of happiness and a moment full of bliss
I handed her my love
for you in a form of a golden kiss
As she took it upon her finger tips
She promised me, she would visit you,
and placed it on your warm tender lips
This the only way I thought I could send my love to you
As they got me locked away
what is your man suppose to do?
'f?nn snn unsE'
Our next writer wants to share a short poem/dream that he recently
wrote for all of us. We welcome Rob San Jose originally from San
Jose, yet today finds himself In Deuel Vocational Institution in Tracy,
CA. We thank Rob for expressing himself through this short poem.
We walked and talked about t/ou
as we drifted through my dreams
In a moment full of happiness
and a moment full of bliss
rt/t/ifwifiii. /// ////#/ //. // //// //
^^^MHI^HOK^//jl^V/////
-nffBL, L,EE HOULE'
To The Beat Within
Probably every community in the world has needs and
problems which could be metby the involvementof prisoners
and juveniles of their near by institutions. Men and women
who really need to experience the thrill of helping out. It is
time now in our social development, to begin recognizing
this natural pool of volunteers rather than trying to forget
they exist.
This is something I'm addressing on how they are
trying to "pass a law" that will (prohibit) prisoners, male
and female from being put on pen pal web sites. This is
being pushed forth by Polly Klass' father. I understand how
he feels. I can't begin to express how much my heart goes to
him in regards to his daughter. However myself, and many
others strongly disagree.
Men and women in prisons, and jails, and juveniles have
a "right" to be heard. To cut off outside communication is
like saying "you're no longer human." Your feelings and
emotions no longer matter.
A lot is learned by prisoners and juveniles when people
reach out to find hope, and good in another. The fact that
this is even being thought about is disturbing. For the only
thing that will be accomplished would be to make prisoners,
juveniles, etc, hate life and society. "I hope that people will
see that the best things for these prisoner and juveniles is
positive friendship and guidance."
It's time to let all the authorities know that prisons/
juvenile halls are part of the community. And to begin
discussing ways prisoners/juveniles can contribute to
the community life even while they are inside. We have to
remember that every human being needs to feel useful,
and therefore we need to present as many opportunities as
possible for prisoners to experience their usefulness.
In this way the community becomes part of a person's
(rehabilitation), which in all reality is really how it should
be.
Many people feel though that things wont get better
until we tear all the prison/juvenile halls down. I say that's
cop-out. It is obviously going to be a very long time (if ever)
before such profound changes take place. Meanwhile,
hundreds of thousands of human beings live in prisons/
juvenile halls as they are, and we can begin making a
"real" (change) in their lives without waiting for such major
breakthroughs.
We must help prisoners and juveniles to change their
feelings towards prisoners/juveniles. What better way to
show how unnecessary the present system is.
Kindness towards prisoners isn't pity, and it's also not
gullibility. Kind people have to lock people up, or refuse to
let people out on bail or parole, or remove them even from
We would like to welcome back our next writer who is writing to
us from The Main Detention Facility in Santa Rosa, CA. This week
Carl Lee Houle graces the pages of our publication with some very
helpful ideas on how to go about taking the prison system down. Carl
does more than voice his opinions as he gives great ideas that these
people (or whoever in charge may be) some consideration to what he's
saying. So without further ado we present to you Carl and his latest
essay on how to uplift our communities!
the mainstream prison population if they continue to be
dangerous or act up. A great Indian sage once said. "Do
what ever you must with people, but never shut anyone out
of your heart."
Most prisoners and a lot of juvenile have been shut
out of society's heart for a long time. Taking their only
form of love, and guidance in communications is wrong,
cruel, and un-usual. Many of them have never been in an
environment or had a form of communication of kindness
and encouragement. Many also have never experienced the
satisfaction of helping out others. That is what it will take
to make us safer from crime. I don't know whether our
prison and juvenile halls will ever be empty. But I know
that we could drop their receiving rate from 70% to 10%
if we could drop out "out of sight, out of mind" attitude
and focus some creative attention on the humanity of the
people... all the men and women, adults, and juveniles that
we lock up.
With this being known I continue to write my raps for
my next c.d. And while doing so, I am studying (law) and
many other areas of rights of juveniles and prisoners. I will
continue to spend time as I do with my music, advocating
human rights and political rights for all of you juveniles
and prisoners. Doing this by publicizing various issues
with regard to governments and multinational corporations
violations against you all.
I thank my beautiful and wonderful woman, Cassandra
Macias, for encouraging me to step up and be the leader I
can be. My heart forever belongs to you (smile for me). And
to our "Lil' Poppa," Dominic Macias. I love you as my own
mijo and I'm always here for you. You also have helped me
do what I am doing now for the people. I miss your smile
and laughs and cant wait to play with you again. Much love
to Vivian and Jessica Macias. Jessica the Mexican Paris
Hilton. You all are great women and are in my prayers. I
want the best for you and your families. You're beautiful
and smart. You're possibilities to success are endless.
Listen to your hearts.
And to all my brothers and sisters locked up in prisons
and juvenile halls I will continue to be an "activist" for you
all. With that, until pen dances on paper again next week.
Take care Mr. Inocencio and I love you all at The Beat.
Cassandra Macias I love you with all my heart
Sincerely and respectfully submitted,
Circumstances
People are always blaming
Their circumstances for what they are
I don't believe in circumstances
The people who get on in this world
Are the people who get up
and look for the circumstances they want
And if they can't find them, make them.
'nuns¥ siBum,'
The one and only Bugsy Siegal has a short poem that he would
like to share with everyone. He writes from a Correctional Facility
in Lancaster, Ca.
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // //// //
£ ]/?JWJ *7MMMaMfM / ' #//////
*nn7-
Ten Years After The Beat
It's a sunny Sunday afternoon. The birds outside are chirping
away happily. It seems even they take a day off from the everyday
hustle and bustle. I finally get around to organizing my house
and I come across a box buried beneath a pile of old clothes.
Peering inside the box, I immediately recognized the black and
white pages of The Beat Within. Joy and pain churned too and
fro as I flipped pages upon pages of pieces I had compiled over
those dreadful years.
This was a special box. This box held my history, years of
it tucked away so that one day I could reflect on my journey.
Although I still have a long road to walk, looking at how far I've
come just amazed me. I sat for about an hour reading over the
pieces I wrote; some happy, some sad, most were filled with the
ferocity of my youth embellished in anger and turmoil. God I
was an angry kid.
This box held my life from the age of 12-18. I'm pushing 30
now and although it's been this long I will never
forget those walls. ..the banging on doors. ...the fights. ..the
screams.... the hate teeming inside. ...Man if I knew what it felt
like to be almost 30 when I was at that po -int I would have
done things different. I would have ruled the world or at least
attempted. So my young friends let me be your crystal ball into
the future, your time machine, your fortune-teller.
I used to pity myself. I cursed the gods for having a broken
home and being poor. I never had this. I never had that. Why
this why? Why that? Forget it. I'll be a gangster. I'll turn my
heart into ice man. I was a little crybaby. That was me inside,
but there was no way in hell you would ever see it. I had my
thoughts trapped inside a place even I couldn't find. I thought
I was invincible. I felt the world owed me my own show on
MTV. Boy was I naive. If you don't know the word then look
it up because when you hit my age and you don't have more
and more words people won't even look at you the same. Trust
me.
Never GET STUCK BEING JUST ONE THING. YOU WILL
REGRET IT. What I mean by that is "don't fall into a category.
"Don't just be a thug because maybe the girls like it now, but
they sure as hell don't like it at 30. They will just laugh at you
and think you're immature. Lots of my friends never amounted
to much. Not because they weren't smart of intelligent; it was
because they were stuck with that mentality. They could only
be one thing.
Who the hell stays a gangster when you start hitting my
age? It's not cool anymore. By this time the whole group is
either in jail or paralyzed or cracked out. Ya' get my drift. Try to
do something for your family by doing something for yourself.
Because if you don't know anything about anything neither
will your kids, and I'll be the one to say that it's your fault. The
difference between the rich and the poor is intelligence. That's
it. Donald Trump was bankrupt and had lost everything during
one point, yet he could come back from owing millions to
making billions. He knew much more than the common man.
Read my friends. Read whatever. It doesn't matter as long
as it interests you. And if you can't read then you better hurry
the hell up and learn because the world is moving faster and
faster. More people are getting born each day and you aren't
just competing against Americans, nowadays, you're competing
against the world. The thing about juvenile hall is that you
might not think the judges and P.O.'s care about you and most
likely they don't. Wait till you hit mainline Adult and you'll
wish for the days in Juvie. I promise you. You don't know jack
right now, 111* friends, and truthfully I don't even wanna waste
my time telling you this but I feel like I owe it to the one thing
that helped me get through Juvie.
I was in B5 San Francisco which is the max unit looking at
8 years at the Y. I had so many lockdowns they wouldn't even
let me out of my room anymore. Having a solitary cell really
battered my soul. I didn't know if I was alive or dreaming. Half
the time I was losing my mind in a hurry. A guy named Josh
ood decade
plus ago, back when he was dwelling in the maximum security unit
in B5 of San Francisco's Youth Guidance Center. 007 was one of the first
writers to step out of the workshop boundaries and write epic pieces
for The Beat Within. Even back then he was an outstanding writer who
used to write about his street life and various topics that inspired others
to take writing more seriously. Upon his sentence to CYA Alternative
Glen Mills in Pennsylvania, 007 came to work for The Beat, and even for
a spell use to assist with Beat workshops and editing! Now after a long
drought and absence from our publication, agent 007 returns to give
y'all probably the most important and realest advice someone his age
can give you. Writing to us from his home in San Francisco, CA, here's
007 with a brilliant piece of work once again.
from The Beat would come by with the issue every week and I
would see that
I wasn't the only one with a bad life and that people were
surviving.
I snuck some pencils into my room. Broke them in half,
pulled out the led, flushed the outer layer into the toilet and
would write throughout the night, under the moonlight or
fluorescent. It would just flow like it does now. Do whatever it
takes to get into college and go to one far away from home. You
need to take yourself outside on your city to actually reflect on
who you are as a person. Just like writing in The Beat.
I used to catch myself writing gang affiliated messages of
hate and crime glorifying the street life as if it was something
to be proud of. I realize now that I wrote those things because
that's all I had. That's all I could hold onto. I would write like
I was a crazy demon, but inside, I would wonder why I had to
prove myself. Writing is like a mirror into your soul. Sometimes
at the tip of your pencil you can find yourself. It might not
happen to most of you but I assure you that it's someone
who can listen. I used to think of it as a news reporter really
interested in what I had to say about my life. Getting back to
the subject about your future I want you to know that every
second counts.
Tick someone, somewhere just died Tick
someone just had a baby.. ..Tick you just got a second
closer to where I am right now. You will get old whether you
like it or not. No one prepared me for this. I'm still a little kid
inside a grown man's body. It's like with every year that passes
time just speeds up until I'm no longer here.
I once read a book called "The Art of Happiness" and it was
probably the most influential book in my life. It changed my life,
chapter by chapter, and page by page. The level of intelligence
and profound philosophical tact I gained will be implemented
throughout my life. Since you will probably forget to drop by
the library and pick it up I'll give you a breakdown of what the
book teaches.
BE HAPPY IN JAIL! Crazy? Am I insane?! Yes. ..Be Happy
anywhere. Be an Optimist. Always look at what you have, not
what you don't have. You know the old saying "is your glass
half empty or half full." If you can remind yourself that every
second of every day, you just figured out the secret of life. It's
about being happy when you have absolutely nothing. You
don't need anything, you don't want anything, you'll do fine
with some payless shoes because you're humble. Most kids in
the world can't even get a meal let alone Jordan's so stop being
spoiled.
Everyone in America is spoiled -even the homeless, so get
over your small trials and tribulations and do some good before
you leave. I never knew it till now that I was blessed to be in
jail for that long. To be put on that journey at such a young
age I learned so much. I came out a man wiser than most and
humbled for no man on earth knows much. Einstein knew the
theory of relativity but could he race me on a motorcycle? I
highly doubt it. Life is predestined to some degree. If you think
you are completely in control just remember that you never
chose to come here to this world. You were brought here. That
alone should prove my point.
I'm Chinese so that already sets me up for a path I will
follow. Just choose good not evil. And be nice to David
Inocencio, he's my friend. ..or I'll jump-kick you!
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // //// //
£ Z/£JWJ*7MMMOMfM / • #// ////
My Grandmother, A Member of the Community
My Grandmother lives in Oakland, California as a retired
nurse from Arkansas. She raised five children of her own
and four grandchildren. She's my great Grandmother and
raised my mother when her own parents passed away in
a tragic car accident. My mother didn't know her mother
because she was four years old when she passed, but
my great grandmother loved and cared for her. She is a
sweet little woman who's involved in the neighborhood
activities and church celebrations. She goes out of her
way to help the youth in the community, by feeding them,
taking them to school even sheltering them.
She's like a youth counselor in the community. She
listens to your problems and tries her best to come up
with a solution. You can ask people in her neighborhood
about her and they'd tell you how wonderful she is and
how much she has done for them. She has delivered
babies in the community, fed homeless people, cleaned
streets, and home schooled young children. She is an
active force in the community, but due to sickness she
isn't as active as before.
My Grandmother suffers from diabetes and arthritis;
this slows her down from completing simple tasks around
the house. People still love and respect her because she
has supported a lot of people. She is the oldest person on
her block and has lived there the longest so she is more of
a positive figure in the neighborhood. If she hadn't been
there babies wouldn't have been born, children would've
missed school, people would've been homeless, and the
community would've been even more violent.
I believe the mayor owes her a thank you because
before she moved to the neighborhood the crime rate
was very high but statistics show since she moved, the
crime rate has came down about 37 percent in the last
ten years. It was said that about 2 out of ten crimes in
Oakland came out of the area she lives in. But now 1 out
of 15 come out of the area. She is a strong figure to the
neighborhood and people would be devastated to see
her leave. Even the police call her to settle feuds in the
community that symbolizes power and respect.
Due to this economy the government wants to shorten
her social security and she cannot live without it. She
has two options; to move away, or live with one of her
children. I don't think that is fair at all, so I feel sorry for
elders who have lost their other government funding. I
realize that this is a huge issue for our elderly citizens,
who haven't done anything to deserve this.
Our next writer is sa\ intelligent young man that has just started
his internship for The Beat! He's a 17-year old young man that has
already accomplished acquiring his GED and now wants to move on
to bigger things like being active in the community by advocating for
his elders. Coming all the way from Oakland, CA, please give Shawn a
moment of your time as he tells us the important role his Grandma plays
not only for him, but for everyone in the community!
My Great Grandmother
Is a force that holds the family together and a role model
and motherly figure. She is our history and an elder my
family looks up to. Ms. Dorothy Smith provides for the
hungry and homeless and people in the neighborhood
have witnessed her accomplishments. Born and raised
in Arkansas but moved to Oakland, CA, to raise her five
children. When Ms. Smith was young she provided for the
family and watched her children grow older, unfortunately
her middle child Dorothy Davis died in a bicycle accident,
which was my grandmother. She passed when my mother
was four years old. So my great Grandmother Dorothy
Smith raised her as her own child.
Ms. Smith, eventually, was infected with diabetes and
arthritis, till this day she suffers from these conditions.
Getting to the hospital has become a struggle for her
because she doesn't have the transportation and the
medicine have little effect on her. During this financial
crisis she needs as much support as she can get, not to
have her funding reduced. She has been some one I could
look up to since birth and has played a tremendous role
in the neighborhood. Anyone who knows her will literally
vouch for her, she's sweet and compassionate and
interested in helping people, which most grand parents
are. Almost all her children are grown and have been
successful in society.
She plays a big role in our family, without her we
wouldn't be as close as we are now. My Grandmother does
receive Medicare because she doesn't have the strength
to go out and buy food, clothes and other necessities. So
she knows the hassle of leaving the house and living with
sickness in her body. She can feel the struggle of needing
help and didn't receive it.
We don't really understand the burden Elders go
through because we haven't felt it. There's two sides to
this puzzle, life and awaiting death. These people like
my grandmother deserve to be pampered because they
pampered us as babies and our future lies between their
wisdom. Youth problems can wait because without elders
who will we possibly learn from. This generation needs
Elders in the community to teach and reach the youth.
Thank you Grandma for the support.
These people like mif grand-
mother deserve to he pam-
pered because they pampered
ms as babies and our future
lies between their wisdom.
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // //// //
£ J^I^ 7mg m f l f^JJ^fJJJJ/J.
'PGHFESSnG BL,nrt<MinD'
Blackmind Intro
Beat: We're glad to have you back, Professor.
Blackmind: The pleasure is all mine.
Beat: We see you got some new pieces for us. Tell us
about these pieces and what inspired you to write them?
Blackmind: Well, I've written four new pieces to honor
and celebrate Black History Month. I had to continue what
I started in The Beat issue 14.03.
Beat: How did it feel to see your " Black President"
piece on the cover?
Blackmind: Wow. It was a very humbling experience.
I've never felt anything like it. It was surreal, like I was
reading someone else's work. It also shows that the Beat
appreciates President Obama as much as I do. I love y'all
for that.
Beat: Thanks. Change is good. Now to stay on subject,
tell us about "Black Supremacist".
Blackmind: My definition of a Black Supremacist is a
black person who treats other less fortunate blacks like
they are inferior to them.
Beat: Have you met any Black Supremacists?
Blackmind: Unfortunately, I have and it's a sad sight
to see.
Beat: How do you think other African-Americans will
receive "Black Supremacist"?
Blackmind: Hopefully, they will read it out and
understand my meaning. I'm not trying to diss our people.
I wrote this piece to let people know that prejudice is not
only between different races, it exists within the same race
as well. This is not new, it's been going on for centuries,
usually between the rich and poor.
Beat: Okay. Now tell us about your other new pieces.
Blackmind: Well, it's back to the basics. When I first
started writing The Beat, I wrote pieces that the readers
could relate to. I was writing solely for the readers and
not so much myself. The Beat is bigger than me, it's about
empowering the youth with a powerful message and
words of encouragement. I wrote "Black Mayor", "Black
Woman", and "Through These Black Eyes (Part Three)"
strictly for the readers. I'm not writing any therapeutic
autobiography pieces anymore. It's not all about Professor
Black mind anymore. It's bigger than me and I want the
youth to benefit from my writing.
Beat: That's great. Speaking of the youth, what kind
of advise do you have for the record teenagers being sent
to state prison with major time?
Blackmind: To all the incarcerated youth going
through hard times, please keep your head up. Stay
strong, and realize that you're life is not over. Listen to
those who are wise, but do not trust anyone but God and
yourself. Keep your eyes on the prize and do whatever it
takes to get your freedom back. Educate yourself and use
your knowledge to succeed in life. There is no future in a
life of crime.
To all the incarcerated youth going
through hard times, please Keep uour
head up, Stat/ strong, and realize
that uou're life is not over.
Professor Blackmind is back with some more pieces of inspirational
writing and empowerment. In his latest pieces Blackmind gives us
some thoughtful pieces, which brings up some great points. Blackmind
speaks from his heart with a lot of courage and authority. Tells us
what "Black Supremacy" means, and dedicates all his pieces to Black
History Month and History in itself as we stand back and watch our first
African American President work towards change and a better America.
Sending us his work from Folsom State Prison in Represa, CA, Professor
Blackmind is back with some words to refreshing our own minds!
What Kind of world do we live in?
What maKes t/ou better than me?
We are both beautifully blacK
Or are you too blind to see?
Black Supremacist
What kind of world do we live in?
What makes you better than me?
We are both beautifully black
Or are you too blind to see?
So what I come from the projects
Who cares if you went to jail?
Our ancestors were slaves
They went through living hell
I know you grew up in the 'burbs
And I can't knock you for that
We have many white friends
But we will always be black
So take a second to think
About our similarities
You can't possibly believe
You're superior to me
Remember Dr. King
And the message that he preached
Or did your private school
Disregard what he taught
Even the white folks
Can't stand bigotry
So I ask you again
What makes you better than me?
'Cause I like BET
While you watch A&E
'Cause I eat collard greens
And you dine at cuisines
Okay, my clothes ain't new
And I got them from my brother
Everybody ain't rich
With a father or mother
So save the wrinkled up nose
Like you smell your own shhh
Blacks hating on blacks
That's a black supremacist
Blacks selling blacks dope
That's a black supremacist
Blacks killing blacks hopes
That's a black supremacist
Blacks shooting other blacks
That's a black supremacist
Blacks degrading other blacks
That's a black supremacist
If you hate your own people
You're a black supremacist
Don't forget where you came from
And why we exist.
///////#/////. /// ////#/ //. // //// //
^^w^mmmmmm y / . # / / / / / /
Black Mayor (Kevin Johnson)
My black brother
You have made history
Sacramento's first black mayor
You made it out of the slums
But never forgot where you came from
From college to the NBA
Scoring big for the Phoenix Suns
You made a name for yourself
And had a successful career
Retiring gracefully
You went back to your old neighborhood
Saddened by its condition
The teenage drug runners
On every block
The senseless murders
And violent gang wars
The youth had become endangered species
Products of the environment
Victims to the streets
Numbers in the system
You promised to make a change
And rebuild the community
And you didn't fail
Building youth centers
And new businesses
To increase employment
Restored old buildings
And created homes
For those with low-income
And shelters for those without homes
You stressed the importance of education
Repairing and restructuring our schools
My black brother
My black mayor
You have accomplished so much
And we are so proud of you for it
We believe in you
And we trust you with our city
In hopes that you will set an example
For other mayors in other cities
We supported you when they call you "baby Barack"
And continue to make a change
My black mayor.
$3
-V
Black Woman
Hold your head up high my black sister
Even when this world leaves your heart blistered
Remember to love God and be loyal to your man
When times get rough give it all you can
Love your children and teach them to share
Shower them with tender and loving care
Respect yourself and your father's wishes
And cook your grandma's favorite dishes
Be independent and never rely on a man
Cause you can do for yourself whatever he can
Believe in you and the essence of your beauty
To love yourself in your duty
Don't be fooled by charm and good looks
Educate yourself and hit the books
Live your dreams and achieve your goals
Find what makes you feel whole
Say your prayers and pray for others
Be a good daughter, wife, and mother
Remember that true beauty comes from within
Break free from those who live in sin
Take care of your mind, body and spirit
Give good advise to those who'll hear it
Don't get obsessed with material things
And cherish the joys that life brings.
Through these Black Eyes (Part Three)
The hatred
The pain
The oppression of my people
Forced into a life of slavery
Then freed
Just to be forced into modern day slavery
Praying that we could be freed
From these mental and physical chains
Beaten and thrown into this deadly pit
By the guards of the dungeon
Forced to scrub these toilets
And mop the blood from these floors
New slavery
Either work or go back into the pit
Where ghouls and goblins live
And feed off the souls
Of the living dead
But although the conditions are depressing
We remain strong
Building our resistance each day
Empowering each other
Through the strength of God
Sharing our love
And standing undivided
We will make it through anything
There is nothing that can break us
Nothing but ourselves
We destroyed slavery once
And we will destroy it again
We wont be denied
Our people is too strong
Freedom will come
This is what I see
Through these black eyes.
'U&pm
///// r //#/////. /// ////#/ //. // //// //
vgmmffM/' #/ /// / /
Your Imagination
A source of vast infinite
Knowledge
Yet we fail to utilize it for the quest to better ourselves
Instead using if for selfish gratification and frivolous
desires
It has the answers to your unanswered questions...
Thoughts and ideas...
Without it mankind ceases to exist.
mi \
The Blueprints To Greatness
To learn, grow and then put into practice your work, is a
beautiful thing. The will to succeed is what should keep
you motivated, unless misery and failure is something
that you have welcomed to stay in your life. There is a
way to overcome the obstacles in your way whether they
be physical, mental or emotional, but you've gots to be
willing to work hard and achieve!
You have nothing but time on your hands to perfect
your blueprints to greatness. Stop being fooled by the
same ole tricks/lies and take control of your future. We
can't change the past but you can dictate your future!
Knowledge is priceless, but to achieve it and put it to
good use is what brings you true happiness. Build, grow,
and strive to reach your dreams, goals, and aspirations.
Too much time is wasted on frivolous, unnecessary
games and fantasies that you don't even believe yourself!
Progress, perseverance and your potentials will bring
you prosperity. So push for nothing less and surround
yourself with people who can help you improve. Failure
should never be an option.
V%K Dff/IIELS'
Our friend Mr. Daniels stays delivering pieces that get us to know
him a little bit better. In his upcoming pieces he does a great job on
getting his messages across. His words paint a crystal clear picture
of all the pain and strife that you'll feel when you lead a life through
the criminal justice system. In his piece titled " The Blueprints To
Greatness" Mr. Daniels drops some inspirational writing. Probably some
of the realest game that you'll ever hear is found throughout that piece.
Sending us his utmost respect from California Corrections Institute in
Tehachapi, CA, we would like to return that respect by publishing his
work!
Then I Cry
Freedom taken
Life forsaken
Steel bars
Painful scars
Mental strains
Waist chains
Concrete walls
Collect calls
Nothings fair
No one cares
Mind games
Nick names
Count bells
Stairwells
Masked strangers
Constant danger
Jingling keys
Trembling knees
Lonely hours
Faith sours
Years wasted
Hope tasted
I question why?
Then I cry!
Young Life
We should protect it by any means
It's our future
Yet we continue to let them become what we despise
And after there gone
We call them riders martyrs, lost souls, etc.
But if we truly love them
We would protect them from the bullshhh
While they are alive and with us!
Their life should be protected
To where silly shhh don't happen.
Your Culture
It gives you history,
knowledge to fill that empty void that we call a soul.
We are people with no true identity.
And what you are taught in schools
is probably (one) percent truth and the rest fiction.
History class is really his-story!
So dig deeper than the surface
to find out who you truly are.
We've been through too much
to not be proud of whom we are:
Offsprings of wars,
lost/confused, drugged, targets of genocide, etc.
Learn your true self.
It gives you something to be proud of...
something to stand for.
///////if/////, ffgff ////#/ //. // //// //
^^^MHI^HOKK//4#//////
'&&¥ snnrHEZ *jb. '.
My life Is A Cell (chapter 2)
I live in a bathroom. That pretty much sums up "home for the
next 18 years, at the very least. I live in an 8 by 12 bathroom,
with another man. Oh yeah, and our toilet has limited amount of
flushes. When your forced to not only live in a very small space, for
a very long time with someone, but also have to smell that person
defecate, you either become really good fiends... or you learn to
friggin' hate the guy.
I've been lucky in the fact that my last couple of cellies
(roommates) have been really easy to get along with. Mostly
because we shared the same values and had some sense of common
courtesy. You learn to tolerate each other's faults- like how Bugsy
forgets to flush the toilet after he takes a leak sometimes. Or how
I'll cut some righteously nasty gas, but pretend to be asleep so
I don't have to hear Bugs complain- and adapt to each other's
program (daily routine). Good cellies are hard to find. So I was
pretty happy when they threw me and Bugs in the same cell in the
hole.
The hole sucks. Well, it does at first. You get none of your
personal property, and are stripped down to the bare minimum: two
pairs of socks, boxer shorts and t-shirts; one raggedy blanket, two
sheets with various mystery stains, and two thick foam "mattress"
that's supposed to make the slab of sheet metal they call a bed
softer. You get one bar of lye soap, one small packet of bleach that
is suppose to disinfect a toilet that looks like it might try to bite
you if you attempt to crap in it; and tooth powder. Tooth powder
tastes like chalk with less flavor. So, yes, the hole sucks at first.
But, you adjust. You don't have much of a choice, really.
The system of "due process" is unique here. It goes something
like this: A cop doesn't like your attitude so he throws a piece of
trash in your cell through your door. You feel disrespected and
mad, so you throw the trash back out. The cop steps in the way- on
purpose- so the trash hits him. Boom! Assault on an officer! Loss
of good time, a year in the SHU, you lose what little property you've
amassed. Game over. I'm not exaggerating, though not every cop
is crooked, just most of them. You're basically guilty 'till proven
innocent. Beyond a reasonable doubt by another cop, who probably
sees you as a lying sack of shhh, and it's usually your word against
COs' (correctional officer), or like me; you get snitched on. God
how I hate snitches!
Me and Bugsy are unique in that we didn't do what the
"confidential informant" claimed. Which is to say, we did make,
own, or know of any weapons in our cell. We had no clue they were
there! Much like it is on the street, in a cell block, you can move to
a new "neighborhood". Me and Bugsy moved to cell #116 to be near
friends in the adjoining cells and area. Our little 'hood was coo'!
Everyone got along. People were respectful of each other and their
space. No problems! We had just moved there a few months before
we got caught up. And, as I said before, it all started when a child
molester got his face sliced.
There are three main types of rats: Ones' who tells on you out
Ray Sanchez Jr. has been a part of our publication since damn near
the beginning of time. Ray had made a name for himself through
our pages as he has always submitted well thoughtout raps, that
included a vast vocabulary of frivolous wordplay. But not only does Ray
specialize in making his rhymes jump out these pages and into reality,
he is also great in painting a picture about the realities and struggles
one faces once they are trapped behind bars and face the realities of life
in prison. Always coming through with some food for thought and great
writing Ray sends us his masterpieces from Pleasant Valley State Prison
in Coalinga, CA. Ray first started writing for The Beat when he was
fighting for his life in San Mateo County Jail a number of years ago.
of jealousy. One who telsl in order to gain a favor with police. And
ones' who tell on you to get their butts out of trouble. That day
the ChoMo got cut, someone (or someones) got caught, and then
all of a sudden, ISU (Investigative Services Unit) gets a snitch who
can tell them where to find a pair of knives. The whole time this
is going on, I'm just barely waking up to wipe the sleep out of my
eyes.
They found the shanks behind a steel plate that houses
the port for our TV cable and two electrical outlets. The plate is
attached to the concrete wall with four security screws that require
a special Allen wrench to loosen them. There is no way we could've
known about those weapons. It's not as if you move into a new
cell and decide to start ripping open light fixtures and electrical
outlets. Somebody who had access to tools and previously lived
there must've put them there. I really wish they would have taken
them when they left. Inconsiderate bastards.
What got me screwed up is how the rat knew about the knives
when I lived in that cell and had no clue. Us getting hit only after
the slicing is pretty indicative that someone told to try and get out
of trouble. Remember how I said due process is different here?
Well, we don't get to face our accuser. It's kind of messed up when
one man's lies had the ability to keep you from ever going home.
I got a 24 to life sentence and have to stay straight if I ever
want to parole- and you can't even cross-examine him to prove
your innocence. On top of the in-prison write-up that could screw
your good-time/parole date, the DA could choose to press charges
and add another case onto your sentence. So it's quite possible for
you to end up like my junior prom date and get done more than
once on the same night.
Prison food is crap. At least, it is here. We supplement our diet
with products bought from the prison commissary/canteen. You
get to go once a month at a specified time depending on the last
two numbers of your prison I.D. numbers, one through thirty-three
usually go to canteen the first whole week of the month, followed
by the next thirty-three numbers, so forth and so on. My last two is
eleven. Lucky me. Me and Bugs just ran out of food and I was about
to go to canteen to get us some much needed coffee, Top Ramen
soups, and various toiletries. But we hit the hole before this can
happen. I miss canteen. So does Bugs. Second draw has already
passed in the hole! Great. No food no deodorant. No toothpaste,
soap or shampoo for another month. Maybe I ain't so lucky after
all. Ah well.... Fudge it! At least I got a good celly.
Nock This
I'm the liar's liar
Strung out like piano wire
Asbestos laced paper
Everything I write, is fire
Missing from the black pages
Hitta's in the back page us
Economic down-turn
Down you for my back wages
Tired of yo' false truths
You frontin' like you's false tooths
Constantly bump yo' gums,
'bout nothin' in the sound booth
The Beat Within
The Beat Without my mouth is nothin' coo', dude
An instrumental patient,
loosing patience with yo' foul moves
I'm the king of my castle
My vassals move at my call
Checkmate, wit' check shredders
You should check yo' vest y'all
Not like it's gonna do nuthin'
You just runnin' with it showin'
Telling where, not to hit, when you wear it in the open
Chasing after what's fashionable
You get smashed in yo' mandable
My baby girl, Nina, eat yo' face like she cannibal
Accountable fo' animal's
Who could snuff ya' like a candle, brah
You wearing that bandana like the color doesn't matter,
brah
Making light of our dark times, the chalk lines, that
outline
Our fallen fellow factors
Aren't for you to use and get shine.
w,
ho the hell stays a gangster when
you start hitting my age? It's not cool
anymore. By this time the whole group
is either in jail or paralyzed or cracked
out. Ya' get my drift. Try to do something
for your family by doing something for
yourself. Because if you don't know
anything about anything neither will
your kids, and I'll be the one to say that
it's your fault. The difference between the
rich and the poor is intelligence. That's
it. Donald Trump was bankrupt and had
lost everything during one point, yet he
could come back from owing millions to
making billions. He knew much more
than the common man.
read the rest of 007's BWO piece on page 62
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