Things a pastor's wife can do

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BY

ONE OF THEM

PHILADELPHIA

American :©apti0t publication Societi2

MDCCCXCVIII

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Copyright 1898 by the
American Baptist Publication Society

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CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE

I. Chosen as a Wife 5

II. Living Within One's Income . . 10

III. Earning Money 15

IV. THE Gift of Silence 20

V. leading Contributors 24

VI. holding Office 28

VII. Making Changes 32

VIII. Giving praise 37

IX. THE Pastor's Study 40

X. Home religion 44

XI. THE Sunday-school and Relig-
ious JOURNAL 50

XII. DECLINING A MOLD 54

XIII. On Baptism 57

XIV. On Communion 61

XV. Relation to Other Pastors'

Wives 64

XVI. alabaster Boxes 67

XVII. Our homes and Our intimate

Friends 72

XVIII. THE pastor's Wife a Widow . . 77

THINGS A PASTOR'S WIFE

CAN DO

CHOSEN AS A WIFE

A LETTER came to me recently from
a friend who has been asked by a
young pastor to enter our ranks. She
says she feels utterly unfit for the great
responsibilities so soon to be hers, and
that she will often be obliged to ask ad-
vice from those of us who are older and
more experienced. Her letter reminded
me of an article I thought of writing when
I was a young pastor's wife, but my pen
exhausted itself on the title "Pastors'
Wives and Sweethearts," and it has taken
all these years for the accumulation of
courage sufficient to attack this important
subject.

The writer of this letter had no thought

5

of being a pastor's wife until she met
this young minister and their love became
mutual. To my mind she could have no
better fitness. A pastor's wife who car-
ries about her an official air is, to say the
least, a very disagreeable person, and a
minister who marries a woman simply be-
cause he thinks, or is told, that she will
make a good wife for a pastor, makes the
mistake of his life. Any healthy, hope-
ful, happy, devoted Christian girl is capa-
ble of making the ideal pastor's wife. A
pastor should not choose his wife as he
does his pulpit suit, or silk hat, or even as
he does his concordance. Any girl who
has health and education, and loves Christ
more than she does the world, can soon
train into service and need have no fear of
failure.

Ministers wives who are failures are few,
and they would have been failures if their
husbands had been in other professions or
in business. The same rules for the choice
of a wife apply in the ministry that are
absolutely necessary for happiness in any
other calling in life.

Two people who are to be intimate

friends for life should have similar tastes.
It is not necessary to agree in everything.
In fact, there is more "spice" in slight
differences where questions are simply
matters of opinion, and right and wrong
are not involved.

We once knew a notable housewife and
exquisite needle woman, but if there had
not been a newspaper in the world she
would not have cared. Her husband, on
the other hand, thought there was no
greater luxury than a book, and he was so
ignorant of practical affairs that in carving
for guests he left the choice meat on the
platter. Who could expect this banker
and his wife to be happy? She longed
for a lover, and he came home simply for
his meals and a quiet place in which to
read. She would have worked or denied
herself anything for a material blessing or
to give to the church, but the money
** wasted in books" wrecked their lives.

No one can tell what disease the future
may hold in store for either the husband
or wife, but a healthy person should not
marry one with frail health. More happi-
ness will come from the union of two inva-

lids, for then they can condole and truly
sympathize with each other. If one is rich
and the other poor, for real happiness the
wife had better be the poorer. Equality
in earthly possessions is to be desired for
the most perfect happiness.

While a pastor does not look for the
label on a girl, he should not utterly disre-
gard common sense in the choice of a wife,
and look for happiness and success in a
flirt, or for a girl whose heart is in the
world, or for one who is utterly selfish.
Worldly men prefer Christian wives. In
choosing, the pastor should pray for this
wisdom.

If the writer has had any share in the
success of her pastor it is not because she
felt called to the place. In fact, a little
scene in her girlhood is recalled with
amusement. A young man called one
afternoon and brought with him an offer
of marriage. He had the reputation of
being a very devout Christian man, and
the offer he presented so surprised her that
silence was accepted as encouragement.
His hope put a ring in his tone as he in-
formed her that he was preparing to enter

the ministry. I cannot recall the young
man's name, and know not if he is on
earth or in heaven, but I can never forget
his look of horror as I exclaimed that I
was too frightened to answer him at first ;
but the information just given settled the
matter, for I would never be a minister's
wife. He left the house no doubt thank-
ing God for his merciful escape from a
girl who could not appreciate the honor.

It may help some one else for me to say
that I once had so little reverence that I
told the Lord that he was unfair, that it
was not right, to lead me to love a man
with all my heart, and then call him into
the ministry after marriage. But I see
now I was very ignorant in those days and
saw only the dark side. It is true the
trials of a pastor's wife are often sharp
and peculiar to the place ; but it is just as
true, that no other woman can have the ex-
quisite joys that God gives alone to the
pastor and his wife.

II

I.IVING WITHIN one's INCOME

IT is said by some that the first three
months of a young convert's life will
determine his future usefulness. The sweet
halo of the winning time is over. The
church-members rejoice in possession and
begin wisely, or unwisely, to impose bur-
dens on the young Christian and look now
to him to help thdm in winning others. If
the burdens and privileges of the new life
are accepted in the right spirit there will
be growth and development; but if re-
jected there will come great loss and often
utter ruin of all future usefulness.

This crisis comes sooner or later in the
home life of every young man and his
bride, and as the pastor and his wife are,
or should be, an example for all other
young people, it is doubly needful that
they do not fail. There are ministers to-
day seeking in vain for pastorates, be-

10

II

cause some time in their lives they failed
to adjust their expenses to their incomes,
and although repentant, their reputation
follows them. God has just given me the
power, assisted by others, to very materi-
ally aid a pastor, who last year received
less than three hundred dollars in cash,
and yet saved eleven dollars ! This story
seems incredible, but I know it to be true.
No doubt the fuel and food sent this pas-
tor by his people made his real income
larger than that of others whose environ-
ments make a larger expenditure seem to
be absolutely necessary; but no matter
what the demands are, or how small the
income, success in the pastorate requires
that self-denial shall be exercised until the
money received will pay for everything
purchased. We do not believe this self-
denial should be required only of the wife,
and in order that it be equalized it might
be a good plan to pay all the general bills
and then divide the remainder between the
two who should be equally interested. As
every one is to give an account of himself
to God, the pastor will in this way allow
his wife the privilege of being accountable

12

to the church, society, and God for the way
in which she divides what is her own.

One large factor in our own happy life
has been the account book kept by the
pastor since the wedding day. Every day
his money is counted before he sleeps and
the book shows every penny expended.
At the end of the month everything is
classified — rent, fuel, food, missions, and
charities, and the allowances to each mem-
ber of the home. This perfect frankness
between the pastor and his wife will bring
peace to the new home and merry hearts
over denials that would otherwise sour and
estrange.

One of the charms of courtship was in
the constant surprise of the little gifts ex-
changed. This division of the amount left
after the general expenses are paid will
make the continuance of this custom pos-
sible, and on it much of the happiness of
married life depends.

A young pastor we know is soon to
marry a lady who has for some years re-
ceived a very fine salary. We know this
pastor's income is very small, but they are
both sensible young people, and we cannot

13

believe that this devoted lover will allow
his bride's income to cease entirely, and
she, in the greater treasure of his love and
in her new work, will not sorrow over the
luxuries she must lose with her present
salary. A long experience proves that
happiness does not depend upon a large
salary. When a church gives to the pas-
tor all it can, the all may be little, but the
hearts of love in it will still find many ways
of supplementing the small salary, inex-
pressibly touching to those who receive.
These gifts almost entirely cease in many
of our larger churches, so that it was not
strange to see a pastor's wife weep when
receiving the gift of a Thanksgiving turkey.
It reminded her of that little first church of
long ago. It is too true, with everything
gained there is some loss, and for all those
difficult denials of early life in the pastor-
ate there are compensations so sweet that
they are never valued until lost in the
"greater blessings" we all crave.

In doing right and keeping out of debt
we must deny ourselves often much that
we enjoyed before marriage ; but there is
one comfort that can never be taken from

14

the true heart, for "your Heavenly Father
knoweth that ye have need of all these
things," and if we fulfill the conditions,
"all these things shall be added."

Ill

EARNING MONEY

THE question often comes to a pastor's
wife : Shall I do anything to earn
money? It is a delicate subject, and one
that demands serious consideration. There
are some who apply the same rule to the
wife that they do to the pastor: "Even
so hath the Lord ordained that they which
preach the gospel should live of the gos-
pel." The disaster that is sure to come
to the man who will not abide by the rule
may well cause the wife to think twice
before she makes a new one for herself.
Wisdom teaches that we must count the
cost before we begin to build.

Any woman who begins her married life
earning money outside of her own home
will always be expected to do it, and there
will be a sense of loss in the mind of her
husband as well as in her own if she does
not. The home and church life of a pas-

15

i6

tor's wife is more taxing than that of the
majority of the other women in the church.

The pastor's wife who draws a salary for
work she may do throws a searchlight on
all her other duties in her home and in the
church. Dust or finger marks on the door,
or furniture, that would not otherwise be
observed, will attain gigantic proportions.
Absence from any meeting will be accred-
ited to the outside work, and the refusal
to do anything, no matter how unjust the
request, will have the same motive applied.
If the home and church work of a pastor's
wife is all she can do well, does it not nat-
urally follow that it is not best to shorten
one's life by any burden that is needless?

* * Needless ! " I hear as a united exclama-
tion from many voices, "you know noth-
ing about it." But I do. My husband's
first salary as a pastor was ten dollars a
week, in the suburb of one of our largest
cities. The ladies in the city churches
overestimated my talents, and brought me
into a prominence that taxed my slender
resources to the utmost. My husband is
now pastor of a large city church where the
salary might look large to many who have

less, but I can say truthfully, we are just
as poor now as we were then, and the
reasons are two-fold.

A small church will rally around a pas-
tor's family as a large one will not. I
recall with pleasure a dressmaker in that
little church who made my gowns without
charge, and another lady who had been a
tailoress in her youth, as beautiful work
on my children's clothes testified, gave
substantial aid. No such assistance comes
in a large church ; and in such a church
the demands upon the purse of the pastor
are a hundred-fold greater. The charity
work sometimes falls entirely upon his
shoulders, so that large and small churches
can unite in the same prayer: "Lord,
keep him humble, and we will keep him
poor."

There is occasionally found in a church
some lady who appreciates the work of the
pastor's wife. She sees that the extra
work put into the church would realize for
her as a teacher or in some other vocation
a handsome salary and much leisure, and
this observant Christian makes her appre-
ciation practical. It has been my good

1 8

fortune to find in all these years one such
woman. She is very wealthy and is an
invalid, and with my superb health I have
been hands and feet for her among the
sick and desolate. In these years she has
given me many dollars. If there were
such women in every church the burden
of the pastor's wife would be lifted, and
she could sing, instead of sighing, her way
into heaven.

No useful talent should be neglected, no
matter if the searchlights of the world
should be drawn upon it, but never let the
world pay you for something you would
not do for it without recompense. Better
write for the Christian press under your
own name, than for money, what you would
blush to have your friends know to be
yours.

Perhaps you have left the life of a suc-
cessful teacher to cast in your lot with a
poor theologian. Do your very best work
in the Sunday-school, and if he has neither
time nor inclination for indoctrinating the
young people, do not leave it undone
through your neglect.

Whatever your peculiar talent, let it shine

19

for Christ. If you can cultivate it quietly
at home while other women are doing
fancy work, looking out of the window, or
aimlessly tossing over drygoods, so much
the better for you and the church. If it
brings you money, it is their gain as well
as yours. Ere long the church and the
whole Christian world will wake up to an
appreciation of their own, and while they
do good to all men it will be especially to
the household of faith.

IV

THE GIFT OF SILENCE

ONE of the doctrines of the Roman
Catholic Church, the celibacy of
the priesthood, is founded on the supposi-
tion that a wife cannot control her tongue.
We do not say this is the only excuse for
the doctrine in the Roman Church, but it is
one of them. In our so-called Protestant
churches there is often the gravest neces-
sity for a pastor's wife to exercise the
golden gift of silence, and we rejoice that
so large a majority are not found wanting
when weighed in the balances.

Sometimes a pastor assumes that his
wife cannot be trusted with the knowledge
in hand. This we believe to be a great
mistake on his part. Unless his wife is
insane or idiotic she is worthy of trust.
From the very nature of affairs she must
know something of every subject that can
come under consideration, and knowing all
20

21

she is less apt to make a blunder than she
would be to know but a part. The object
of this writing is to urge upon the wives
of pastors to cultivate to the highest de-
gree the power of being trusted not only
by their husbands but by others.

Often silly children go about among
their playmates with the boast * * I know a
secret but I won't tell you." It is possi-
ble for a pastor's wife to allow the confi-
dence given her to lie as near the surface
and her manner say as plainly as words,
"I know something you don't know."
Eyes as well as tongues must be under
complete control.

Children should be trained in the home
from their earliest years not to tell every-
thing they know. They should be taught
to say to one who pries too closely: "I
would rather you would ask father or
mother about it."

But suppose one had not been trained
in childhood to control the tongue. The
case is not hopeless. Experience is a
costly teacher but she is a good one, and if
a mistake has been made let the pastor
and his wife look it bravely in the face.

22

Be patient and helpful with each other and
progress will be made. Sometimes the
very best pastor and one who is the truest
and most devoted husband, will assume
when a criticism is made that his wife is
to blame, just as he would, in his humility,
assume that he was to blame if the criti-
cism had been made upon himself. Never
let a wife be depressed if blamed unjustly
— a judicious patient silence will generally
bring everything around all right.

We remember with the profoundest
gratitude the pastor's wife of our girlhood.
Into her ear was poured all our love affairs
and our ambition for an education, and it
was through her influence that we were
given the very best opportunities at home
and abroad. In the love affairs we did
not then see her guiding hand and it was
all the stronger that we did not see it —
and by the way there is just where the
power of a husband or wife lies in guiding
without the other knowing it.

A good pastor's wife and a pastor's
good wife will not need to go about seek-
ing the confidence of people. She will
draw those who need such help as surely

23

as a magnet draws. No matter how
highly gifted a pastor's wife may be by
education and natural endowments, she
must always remember that she is the
pastor's wife and not the pastor. A pas-
tor's confidence in his wife is certainly
misplaced if it causes her to assume the
lead or in any way insist that her opinion
on a subject shall be preferred to the pas-
tor's.

No matter how utterly the pastor con-
fides in his wife or how worthy she is of
his confidence, she is in the pew and he is
in the pulpit, and for this very reason she
can be of the utmost use to her husband.

The ideal church prays for its pastor,
bears his burdens, and lifts him up to his
own ideal and its for him, although all
churches do not fulfill their mission. But
no pastor need despair who has down in
in the pew a noble, true-hearted wife who
is working and praying for him ; and let
him remember that * ' a little leaven leav-
eneth the whole lump."

LEADING CONTRIBUTORS

PASTORS' wives should be leading con-
tributors in the churches of which
they are members, not only to the mission-
ary and charitable societies but to church
finances, including their husbands' salaries.
We may not be able to give the largest
amount each week, or month — according
as the custom of the church may be — but
we can give the largest proportion of our
income.

The old-time idea that the pastor is an
object of charity has passed away even in
the most benighted regions. This fact is
due largely to our religious press. There
are countless other transformations due to
this same agency, if we had but patience to
make a study of the facts.

Between the very few who are still men-
dicants, and the number who give cheer-
fully "as the Lord hath prospered," we

25

have the great majority of pastors' wives.
Somebody must lead in this ideal effort
now before the religious world. Who can
do it better than we?

We were once fortunate enough to be
members of a church where the rule recorded
on the books was "that every member of
the church should either contribute to the
support of the church or be supported by
the church." This rule was a good one
as far as it went. We would have added :
" Those supported by the church must
return a proportion as their own contribu-
tion."

This ideal rule was interpreted in a
peculiar way. When we offered what they
considered a generous subscription, we
were told that we were supported by the
church and were thus exempt. The free-
dom offered was neither appreciated nor
accepted. We replied that our husband's
salary was earned, and should be paid as
the salaries of their school teachers were
paid, and that we were under as much
obligation to the church and to God to
contribute to the expenses of the church as
the teachers or any one else in the church.

26

They acknowledged that we had the better
of the argument, and during a long pastor-
ate we gave with joy as we had received.
We have not been a single day without a
salary in all these years, and we count that
the promise has been fulfilled, "Give
and it shall be given," etc.

The testimony of countless pastors'
wives could be given to prove the joy and
healthful influence of this systematic giving
by pastors' families ; for our work is not
done unless all under our roof share in this
duty. My Protestant cook may have more
money in the bank than I shall ever have,
and if she is a church-member or a regular
attendant, it is mine to influence her to
generous giving. I may only be permitted
to give my hundreds ; a child in my home
may yet be able to give his thousands and
tens of thousands. Will he look back
and bless me that his first thought and
love of giving came from my precept and
example?

If your own experience does not echo
the thought, will you not try it just as you
would accept from me a new pattern for
a garment, or a recipe for cooking? If

27

you do not feel that you owe it to your
church or to your denomination, will you
not acknowledge that you do owe it to
your God, and do it heartily unto hini if
not unto men?

VI

HOLDING OFFICE

SOME of the most important things a
pastor's wife can do are the most
difficult to describe. In some way she
should always be found among the soul
winners in the church. In order to have
the strength and time for this most impor-
tant work, it would be well to accept as
few official positions as possible.

It is the custom when a new pastor
comes to the church to offer his wife the
presidency of the Ladies' Society or so-
cieties. I can think of many reasons why
she should not accept these tender over-
tures of love and honor.

There are in every church, no matter
how small, women who are by nature fitted
for these offices and the ideal pastor's
wife should delight in the discovery of such
workers, and she will be longer and better
loved for helping to train such women than
28

2^

if she filled the office herself. Again, the
most successful pastors are those who can
leave a church in the best running order,
and his wife should so regulate her work
that their leaving should jar as few inter-
ests as possible. But the most important
reason for not accepting these offices is
that both the time and attention they absorb
are too much for any pastor's wife who has
before her the aspiration of being the very
best she possibly can be.

Twice only, and then under the strong-
est protest, have I accepted the presidency
of any existing society I found on coming
to a church. The first time it was on
the condition that I be released at the end
of the year if I found a woman to take my
place. I found the woman and so im-
pressed my thought upon the members
that I think no pastor's wife has since been
president of the society. The second
time, I found upon coming to an old and in-
fluential church that a lady had been presi-
dent of one of the missionary societies for
a number of years. Her influence with the
ladies was so great that once again I was
overpowered and became president ** for

30

one year only." Of course I had pride
enough to do my best, and the money
given that year was more than any previous
year, but after a year's rest this lady so
eminently fitted for the office was induced
to take it again.

There are doubtless exceptions to all
rules but a good general one to have,
taught me by experience and a wide obser-
vation, is that to be a teacher in the Sun-
day-school and a member of the Sunday-
school Library Committee are all the offices
a pastor's wife ought to accept. This rule
should not apply to new work in the church
that a wide-awake pastor sees ought to be
taken up.

It may then seem absolutely necessary
for a pastor's wife to come into prominence,
but even then she should in her own mind
be on the keenest search for some one to
take her place.

It has been my fortune or misfortune,
according to the standpoint from which it
is viewed, to inaugurate various enterprises
in churches where we have worked, but
God has always helped me to leave them in
better hands than my own, so that frequent

31

and constant reports of the work often
cheer me over some present difficulty.
We should continually shrink from promi-
nence, but not from work or influence.

VII

MAKING CHANGES

THE ideal way for a young pastor to
begin his work is with a newly organ-
ized church. Then pastor and people can
experiment and together evolve the best
methods of church work. In this evolu-
tion no doubt mistakes will be made, but
they will be mutual and all will see the
funny side and laugh them off, just as the
blunders of early housekeeping and the
training of the first baby will convulse those
most interested when experience comes to
enlighten.

How well I remember leaning over our
first baby, watching her as she smiled in
her sleep ! The nurse was deaf and did
not hear our words, but noting the seraphic
expression of our countenances, she guessed
our meaning and enlightened us with a
laconic, ''Wind!" It has been a little
watchword with us since.
32

If a young pastor cannot begin with a
new church, let him do the next best thing
and take a small church. There are many-
reasons for doing this that he cannot fully
appreciate at first, but they will grow upon
him as he adjusts himself to his new life.
The pastor's wife will find the training of
her experience in a small church just what
she will need when her pastor is called to
a larger field of usefulness, as he no doubt
will be, if he is faithful in the small one
and keeps himself growing all the time.
If any one rule has insured our present
success, it has been our determination to
be our best at all times. No sermon or
testimony has ever been withheld or saved
for a larger or better audience. The few
who dared venture in the storm came the
next time, for they knew they received the
very best the preacher could give them.
The deep and rich experience, the knitting
together of the very souls of pastor and
people that is known only by those who
experiment together until the times and
methods of doing work are fixed, are so
sweet and peculiar that one hesitates to
analyze them. Such a pastor may have a

34

very marked success in his first church and
fail in his second, because from the first he
cannot conceal the fact that he is chilled
and handicapped by the methods of work.
It is to the wife of such a pastor I want to
whisper words of hope and comfort, for
it is yours to strengthen and encourage.
Draw the pastor's mind from methods to
the people, for he must needs know them
well before he attempts radical changes.
Though he himself may survive a rash
movement on his part, the church may be
divided and he have to leave ruin where he
found only harmony.

Perhaps the method of raising money by
pew rentals is as dear to the church as the
apple of its eye, and the pastor is an en-
thusiast for free pews and voluntary sub-
scriptions ; or perhaps the pastor does not
care particularly how it is raised, but he is
very sure the church has the wrong men in
office, or that the Sunday-school, which is
held in the afternoon, should immediately
follow the morning service. The pastor is
not always right on these questions, for
what is a success in one church cannot
perhaps be in another, and there are always

35

two sides to every question. E. g.^ the
school at the noon hour would accommo-
date those who live at a distance from the
church and those who want the afternoon
for reading and sleep, or it may be the
time is wanted for mission work ; on the
other hand, when the school follows the
morning service, the members are shut oft
from their social hour, which is invaluable.
Then there are busy women who could not
come to morning services without depriving
some one of the school.

But there are other things about which
there is not a question, and just here comes
the supreme test to the patience of the
pastor and his wife. Don't move too
soon ! Perhaps as the mistake, or evil it
may be, bursts upon your vision, you may
feel that you have come to the kingdom
for just such a time as this ; but remember
how slowly and cautiously the queen
worked. If you are right, you are a
"worker together with God." Don't
m.ove any faster than he does. The prime
object in coming to the church was to feed
the sheep and lambs and convert the sinner
from the error of his way. If you have

36

been faithful to these, and there has been
time for a deep confidence in you to grow
in the hearts of the people, they will listen
more readily to the proposed changes. It
is in such crises as these that the power of
the pastor's wife is felt. If she will drink
long and deeply every morning of the
spiritual medicine, — one-half dove, one-
half serpent, — then if it is right for the
changes to come, they will come, or, what
may be just as well, success will come in
spite of the methods.

VIII

GIVING PRAISE

IF your husband is to be a successful
pastor, you must not fail to give him
frequent and tender praise when he has
done his best. Do not be so ready with
your criticism. If he knows he has failed,
there is no use of "rubbing it in," and if
he does not know it, and you have been
wise and faithful in your words of praise,
their absence will be all he will require.

A pastor needs a good wife more than
any other man, for his occupation is not
one in which he can forget his sorrow or
chagrin ; he cannot, like the worldly man,
smoke it away in the club or drink it off in
the saloon. There are delightful women
who, from girlhood, devote all their ener-
gies to their husbands' interests, but they
neglect this one little habit of praise. A
second wife, who has it, takes her place
when she has fallen to enjoy the man and

37

38

the fortune her heroic efforts have made,
and we are regaled with such sentences as
the following, found in the review of a
recent Sunday-school lesson : ** A husband
may lose his wife by death and marry
another wife who may be even dearer to
him than the first." We think the writer
went * ' a long way around ' ' to lug this sen-
tence into that particular Sunday-school
lesson, but he or she gave me a good text.
We, as pastors' wives, ought not to wear
ourselves out and thus give place to a
second ; and if in spite of all our care we
must go first, let us be so lovely and lovable
that no second wife can ever be dearer.

But there are some pastors that no wife
could keep from disaster. I recall one
who came to our home on his wedding
tour. In a whisper we foretold for the
queenly, intellectual bride an early death
in her efforts to * * keep up ' * with her hus-
band as he hurried her breathlessly hither
and thither; but we were mistaken. She
has survived the wear and \.&2.x pJiysically^
and they are the parents of children any
one might envy ; but where has the trouble
been that his pastorates have been short

39

and unsatisfactory? A very foolish little
reason some would say. He was not con-
tent to fly on the wing of love into every
home in his parish, sing his song of hope
and go, but instead, he was content to be
caged by a few women who flattered him.
They knew not how to truly praise. * ' One
made a chicken pie he loved." She made
it often and he went to eat it. "One
talked so respectfully of religion," and he
went to listen; another always wanted "to
consult about something." And the wife,
what shall we say of her? Only this : a
part of his punishment is that she has
learned for herself a little of the lesson he
has been so many years in teaching her,
unconsciously, by his own example. But
let us all hope they have seen their danger
in time and have yet a glorious future
before them.

Let us, as pastors' wives, make our
home cages so large, so delightful, that
the one we love will not feel the bars, but
will always be more than glad to return.

M

IX

THE pastor's study

Y own experience, and that of many
others with whom I have conferred,
convinces me that the best place for a pas-
tor's study is in his own home.

Our pastor's first study was in the
church. We did not realize until the books
were taken from the house how much we
should miss them, but thinking it only a
part of the self-denial required of pastors'
wives we did not dream of complaining.
Ere long, however, the pastor missed them.
Some, which he valued and was not able
to replace, went away never to return;
some of them he loaned ; and others were
borrowed without permission. He is pos-
sessed of boundless patience, but he lost a
small fraction of it when one of his
deacons rested the window on his precious
Inter-leaved Bible, and a rain coming in the
night ruined the work of several years.
40

41

When the pastor, at home, is bored with
a tedious caller the cook can do a little to
keep the dinner from spoiling, but who can
describe the suspense and delay when the
pastor is pinned down in the church study
with no one to help him? There are many
other good reasons for not having the
study in the church that will readily occur
to the mind of any thoughtful person.

The study in the home should be the
most pleasant room in the house. It is
not right to give to the guest who may
sleep once in your home the choice room
and to your pastor one that is small, poorly
ventilated, or in any way unattractive. To
be sure, sometimes this idea is carried too
far. We know one pastor who is a source
of amusement for all who know him. He
has the front parlor for his study and in
the evening his curtains are not drawn,
and people in the city drive past the house
to see the pastor "posing." They are
not troubled for the want of room and have
no children, so that there is no excuse for
this nonsense ; but there are more pastors*
wives who err in the other extreme. This
subject came up in conversation when away

42

on our vacation, and the wife of a city
pastor said she could hardly wait to go
home, she was so anxious to give her pas-
tor the guest room he had so long wanted
for his study.

The pastor's wife should take the entire
charge of the study. Experience will soon
teach her how to dust and put everything
back in its place, and how to ventilate
when the room is to be left only a short
time. The location of the study, its fur-
nishings, its ventilation, and other care
necessary, has more to do with the quality
of the pastor's sermons than the inexperi-
enced would imagine.

The pastor once in the pleasant study is
not all. Let the wife guard him from all
possible interruption. This task will be
very difficult in the first year of a pastor-
ate, but as the people learn to appreciate
the need of uninterrupted study they will
find that the devoted pastor's wife can
answer many questions and attend to a
multitude of callers that would otherwise
spoil a sermon. Most of all, let the pastor's
wife keep out of the study during sermon-
making hours. There are times when no

43

human friend except the divine Elder
Brother is appreciated by the pastor. When
the pastor and his wife are entirely one in
the work, this is sometimes a very difficult
restraint for the wife to put upon herself, but
the best success in life makes it absolutely
necessary. It is difficult to always remem-
ber to replace a book you have taken from
its shelf and to train the children to regard
the sanctity of the pastor's retreat; but
"practice " will in time make ** perfect.'*

HOME RELIGION

THERE is no one more responsible for
the depth and purity of home relig-
ion than the pastor's wife. Very little
things will break the regularity and inter-
est in family worship, which is the very
foundation of home religion. No uniform
method can be suggested or adopted, be-
cause circumstances vary. In our family
we have worship twice every day. In the
morning before we leave the breakfast table
the pastor reads the Scripture selected in
course for reading the Bible entire in a pre-
scribed time. The reading is followed by
prayer, which always closes with the Lord's
prayer, in which all unite. Before retiring
the pastor and his wife together pour out their
hearts in prayer for many blessings that
could not so well be specified before others.
Where the entire family are interested in
the Sunday-school the discussion of points

44

45

in the lesson are often very helpful for
all. But the wife who is much alone with
God will not lack for opportunities. Our
Heavenly Father is very indulgent. He
comes and talks with us while our needles
hurry in and out of the tasks which are
often heavier than we can bear. Often in
city life he is the only guest to whom we
can say: " Please excuse me if I work
while we talk."

If our own home religion is pure and
natural we will find ere long that we are
influencing other homes. A pastor's wife
should go with her husband to every
funeral where he officiates, unless there is
a good reason for her not going. It has
always been my habit to call, after the
funeral, with the pastor, and I have always
found that my self-denial in going has been
the surest entrance into the hearts and
homes. When grief has made the hearts
tender, then experienced tact knows how
to take advantage. I shall never forget the
dismal wail of an old woman upon whom
we once called, who said her "time was
past." "It is too late for me to be
saved." "When my husband died, I

46

thought Christian people would come and
ask me to come to Jesus. Oh, I was ripe
for it then ! But they never came. Oh, I
was ripe for it then ! Now it is too late."

Our custom is when we go to a church
to at once obtain a list of the ** shut-ins "
and together we call on them as soon as
possible. While we are doing this, the
ladies who are able to make calls come to
see me. These calls I return as soon as I
have finished the others. A pastor's wife
should study the church list, and if after
some time she finds that a lady has not
called on her, she should waive the usual
rule and call upon the delinquent.

There can be no fixed rule about pray-
ing in the homes visited ; every pastor must
make his own rule. Often he is asked and
then, of course, the way is plain. Blessed
are the pastor and his wife who enjoy grant-
ing the request.

Sometimes a home seems shut and
barred against all religious influences. I
recall a neighbor and his wife who had two
lovely little children. All the advances
that could be thought of were made, ap-
parently without effect. One morning our

47

door bell rang violently, and an excited
messenger called to me to come quickly.

"Mrs. had sent her. The child —

the baby boy — was dying ! " I v/as there
in a moment. The child had been taking
his late breakfast of bread and milk, and
had seemed to choke and not to regain his
breath. I held him upright in my arms
and set every one to work. In a few
moments I had him in a warm bath, always
holding him so that his lungs had full play.
I wrapped him in warm blankets and tried
artificial respiration. One of the messen-
gers finally succeeded in finding a physi-
cian who could not believe the child was
dead until he had applied every known
test. He approved what I had done, and
there was never any lack of feeling on the
part of the parents after that. They were
not even members of our congregation, but
they were our neighbors, and as such we
were in a degree responsible.

The command to rejoice with those who
rejoice is as binding as the one to weep
with the sorrowful. So that the pastor's
wife is welcomed at the weddings. Even
if she is not invited, she has a right to go

48

and her lack of invitation is always an over-
sight or from ignorance, which it is her
duty to forgive and overlook. I used to
have all the wedding fees, but they were
borrowed, and soon even that ceremony
was dispensed with ; but I have such an
interest in the general fund that I can gen-
erally capture all the weddings that come
near enough.

I try to know the pastor's engagements,
and when the shy young fellow is about to
turn away disappointed because the pastor
is not in, I ask him if it is a wedding, and
very seldom do I make a mistake. He
tells me the time and place, which I care-
fully record. Then I tell him the pastor
gives a beautiful certificate, and if he is
sure the names are all right in the license,
and will leave it with me, the certificate can
be filled. If the pastor has an imperative
engagement and the gentleman will not
change the hour, I can help him to get
some one else if he has no choice. A little
kindness and tact on the part of the pas-
tor's wife insures her many marriages in
her own parlor, which should always have
a welcome for those who need it. Hearts

49

are as easily won in joy as in sorrow, and
if a woman has no higher ambition than to
be popular, it is a greater honor to reign
in the hearts and homes of the great
majority than to be queen in some narrow
society circle.

XI

THE SUNDAY-SCHOOL AND RELIGIOUS
JOURNAL

A THOROUGH acquaintance with the
church and congregation is a great
advantage to a pastor in his work. One
very good way to accomplish this is for
the pastor and his wife to act as supply
teachers in the Sunday-school. There may
be good reasons why a pastor's wife can-
not become a permanent teacher in the
school, but there are few who cannot pre-
pare the lesson each week and be present
in the school. If all the teachers are
present, a good opportunity will then be
had to visit the different departments or sit
on a back seat and overlook the school.
The writer is blessed with such vigorous
health that she is able to teach an adult
Bible class in the audience room at noon
and act as supply teacher in the school at
2.30; but so impressed is she with the
50

51

value of knowing the entire school, that
if one must be given up, it would be the
regular class.

The acquaintance with the girls and boys
thus gained must be experienced to be
appreciated. A large part of many city
schools is composed of children whose
parents do not attend church. This supply
teaching is the entrance wedge into such
homes and untold good is accomplished.
If the pastor's wife will attend the teach-
ers' meeting, she will come into yet closer
sympathy with the teachers and school.

There are some things a pastor's wife
can do better than any one else simply
because she is the pastor's wife. One of
these things we believe to be the circulation
and increased subscription of our denomi-
national newspapers.

She may have no talent and very little
opportunity for other work in the church,
but we can think of nothing that could
prevent her from doing this service for the
Master. Even if confined to an invalid's
chair or bed, it need not limit the opportu-
nity for this work. A pastor's wife too ill
to call upon others seldom lacks for calls

52

herself. Sample copies of the paper are
always ready for those who will use them
wisely. A long experience has taught us
that these should not be distributed at ran-
dom. Read the paper carefully; mark
what you think will interest the non-sub-
scriber you give or send the paper to. Do
not take a refusal as a final "No." Re-
ply kindly that if it is not convenient to
subscribe now, it may be later, and ask
that you may be notified when it is. If
you do not hear in a few months, try again.
Our experience might furnish many illus-
trations of how successful work has been
done, but we believe one's own experience,
as costing more, is better appreciated.
There are very few pastors who do not
soon learn the value of the paper to them-
selves and congregations. They are too
busy to do much about getting subscribers,
and one who does not value the paper has
very little influence in interesting others.

If pastors' wives all along the line would
join hands in this good work, we would see
glorious results. We will not leave it for
the editor to say that the writer of this is
not his wife, and will add that we have in

53

several cities lived under the shadow of
influential Baptist newspapers, and "ye
editors" would testify, if called upon, that
we have practised, and are practising, much
better than we have preached.

XII

DECLINING A MOLD

IT sometimes occurs that the very best
thing a pastor's wife can do is to say
♦* No."

Always refuse to be pressed into the
mold of some former pastor's wife. This
must be done with the utmost kindness and
wisdom so that no offense can be taken.
It is natural for us to love old people, and
we enjoy ministering to their comfort, so
that we were surprised once at a little cloud
that seemed to come between us and the
older ladies in a city church of which we
had become members. At last it was ex-
plained. The former pastor had been an
old man ; he and his lovely wife were with-
out children and without any ambition for
church extension that would consume time
or energy, and the dear old ladies had
been in the habit of spending the day at
the parsonage whenever it pleased them to
54

55

do so. Finding the new pastor's wife out
hunting up new people, or entertaining
many important callers in an hour, was
something so unexpected and disagreeable
that for a time it did not seem to them they
could endure it. Born with a wonderful
love of time^ and having that love cultivated
by the best of teachers, it was some time
before we understood. Even then we did
not **let on," but by every art known to
us we won those dear old ladies into loving
us and into sympathy with our plans, and
in a few years we had no better friends.

If you rebel against the work forced
upon you, do not let any one suspect it.
Do the best you can, and God will either
remove the thorn or give you grace to bear
it. We know the wife of a man rarely
gifted as a pastor. He left his pastorate
because his wife would not make a few
calls. It was not the failure to make the
calls that caused the trouble, but her talk
about it. We are not of so much conse-
quence in the world as v/e think we are
when we do right, and the calls would
probably have not been missed if she had
not boasted that she would not make them.

56

It is cruel to marry a pastor without love
for his work or at least without a desire
to grow into a love for it ; but loving and
trusting him, and loving his work, all things
are possible.

XIII

ON BAPTISM

THE way in which a pastor administers
the ordinances will very largely affect
his success. The pastor's wife may often
suggest improvements in these methods.

If she is a soul winner, it will seem
natural for her to be present when ladies
come before the examining committee. If
there is no committee and the candidates
come immediately before the church, the
pastor's wife can be present when the
pastor instructs those who are to be bap-
tized. A baptism loses much of its beauty
and solemnity because those who are to be
baptized are not told beforehand what they
are expected to do.

We know an overworked pastor who is
often called into other churches to baptize
their candidates during the illness or ab-
sence of the regular pastor. This minis-
ter's only skill lies in the fact that he

57

58

calmly and carefully explains every step
to be taken. It is done in this way:
"There are five steps down into the bap-
tistery ; when you reach the last one I will
tell you, and I will take both of your hands
in mine in this way (his wife folds her
hands one over the other and the minister
takes both in his left hand to show just
how he will do it) ; I do so because, if I
did not, you would be apt to throw one or
both of your hands up when I baptized
you. We will walk well into the baptistery,
and when we stop I will ask you the ques-
tion : * Do you believe that Jesus Christ is
the Son of God and your Saviour?' You
must answer: 'I do,' in a clear voice.
Then I will say : ' Oh this confession of
your faith I baptize thee in the name of
the Father and of the Son and of the Holy
Ghost. Amen.* While I am repeating this
formula, I want you to close your eyes and
your lips and stop breathing; don't catch
your breath but simply stop breathing —
so." And he shows how it is done. In
his own church the attendants never fail to
shake out the handkerchief of each candi-
date as he goes down, and it is handed to

59

the candidate with the admonition to * * give
it to the pastor," who tucks it in the folds
of his own robe, and it is there, dry, and
in a convenient form to be used to wipe
the water from the face after baptism.

These seem to be trifling matters, but
without them the timid will be confused,
and others will, without thought, do little
things that will detract much from the so-
lemnity of the act. The baptismal robes
should be made with a wide box plait down
the center of the back. This gives the best
help possible for a beautiful baptism, when
it is explained to the candidate that he must
neither resist nor in any way attempt to
assist the administrator by throwing him-
self backward. Intelligent school children
know how much lighter a weight is in
water, and that the feet of the candidate
may be firmly planted on the floor of the
baptistery during the baptism, for all the
minister has to do is to draw, not push,
the head and shoulders of the candidate
under the water.

It often falls to the lot of the pastor's
wife to remind even intelligent people that
if the water in the baptistery were not

6p

warmed to correspond with the temperature
of the room, it would chill the candidate
and administrator more than a baptism in
the open air. A warm-hearted, intelligent,
sympathetic patience will accomplish much.
If it is in her heart, let her whisper to those
who are to be baptized: "Do not look
around the room or seem to see any one in
the audience; look straight forward until
you close your eyes ; then, with a prayer
in your heart that God will so help you to
honor him that some one else will be led
to follow Christ in baptism, commit your
way to him, and remember I am praying
for you."

XIV

ON COMMUNION

WE have sometimes thought that the
deacon who has charge of the com-
munion service, and his good wife who so
faithfully does her share of the work every
month, can enter more fully into sympathy
with the pastor than those Christians who
have no such responsibility.

A tender word of appreciation from the
pastor's wife, her word of inquiry or regret
when one is absent, can do much to make
the service what it should be — a solemn
spiritual feast for the soul. The wise pas-
tor will give his message in the sermon that
precedes the communion service, and if he
must share with some ** visiting brother,"
he will give him the wine to pour and ask
him to pray. Years since, when we came
home from our first communion served by
our present pastor, we exclaimed with tears,
"Thank you for that blessed service."

6i

62

"What was there peculiar about it?" he
asked. **0h, you did not talk, you let
the Saviour give the message." "Oh,"
he replied, " I did not talk because I had
nothing to say." "God grant you never
may," I exclaimed with emphasis. And
he never has.

If the pastor or his people wish to see
the bread broken, a finger bowl and napkin
should be included in the service, and the
pastor must not fail to use it. It can be
done so quietly and naturally that the act
will scarcely be noticed. The one who
prepares the bread should cut it into small
squares so that it will come apart easily.
The most beautiful and impressive way to
serve the bread is for each one to wait until
all are served. Then let the pastor, with the
bread in his hand, say, "Eat ye all of it."
We have not seen the individual communion
cups used, but we should think where they
are used, it would add to the service to
repeat, "Drink ye all of it."

We believe most emphatically in the un-
fermented wine, or in the fermented with
the ferment taken out by a patented pro-
cess. We used it in one church and it was

63

universally liked. We now use the un-
fermented and no reformed drunkard is
tempted with it.

If the "Poor Fund" is low, or there
is a special need, a word from the pastor
will be one "fitly spoken," and if gold
coins rest on the silver communion plate,
would the quotation not be completed?

While we do not believe that the bread
and wine is the real body and blood of
Christ any more truly than that he is a
"door" or a "vine," for he was alive
when he said that it was his body, still we
must not go to the other extreme and
neglect or fail to appreciate the worth of
the communion service. If I had the pen
of the poet, I would picture the pastor
earnest and true, the seven deacons, "un-
spotted from the world, visiting the widow
and fatherless in their affliction," the great
rank and file of faithful ones, who think no
denial too great to come to the church to
"show the Lord's death till he come." Then
shall be that last great supper where we, his
honored guests, shall see him in person.
The deacons' and pastors' wives who are
faithful here will not be forgotten there.

XV

RELATIVE TO OTHER PASTORS' WIVES

THE fact that pastors' wives are not
organized into a society is no reason
why they should not exert a world-wide
influence over each other. Let this influ-
ence begin in your own city. If your hear
a vacant church near you is to have a new
pastor, send to his wife a letter of welcome.
The writer has received such letters and
values them highly. If possible, follow
the letter with a call as soon as you know
it will be convenient. There is no obliga-
tion to repeat the calls, for one's own
church will give about all the calling any
ordinary woman can do, but other kindly
acts will be suggested to the mind that is
intent on doing favors.

Perhaps you keep a carriage and the

new acquaintance does not. A ride to

some meeting together is appreciated. No

rule can be given. "Circumstances alter

64

65

cases." If you cannot invite to your own
home, you certainly can to a social or
entertainment in your church. Of course,
this kindness is sometimes misplaced, and
the one so lovingly welcomed repays you
by stealing your members or something
equally bad ; but better this nine times over
than that one loyal, true heart should be
overlooked and left to loneliness.

I have not space or time to enlarge this
thought, but if you have not realized this
obligation to other pastors' wives, the
thought will grow in your own minds and
you will no doubt do more beautiful things
than I have ever imagined.

There is delicious work we can do for
the wives of our home missionaries. If
you are loved and trusted in your church,
the ladies will bring you their best to fill a
barrel. We remember once, a few months
after removing to a city church, asking for
material for a box, and so generous was
the response that we filled nine ; in every
one was a winter wrap, a shawl, and a
waterproof. Some ladies are afraid of the
criticism of the church ladies, but have no
such fear of the pastor's wife. Of course

66

we know this is hard work ; but my mother
used to say, "Anything well done is hard
work," even being lazy.

Our foreign missionaries must not be
forgotten. A dainty handkerchief tucked
in a loving letter, a new book, a tray cloth,
any little gift, will brighten their Christmas.
It should be sent early to reach them in
time. We don't need organization. The
atmosphere is not organized, though I
verily believe there are people who would
capture it if they could and make us pay
dearly for it. With our gifts and our
prayers for each other, who can foretell
what God will accomplish through us ?

XVI

ALABASTER BOXES

THE world has been perfumed many
times since Mary broke the alabaster
box, and no one has greater influence in
repeating the service than the wives of the
pastors.

Society has countless tender courtesies
that are ignored by too many church-mem-
bers, and it is for the pastor's wife to be
"as wise in her generation as the world.'*
Her writing desk must never be without
acceptance stationery and every invitation
must be answered promptly. When the
lady who was obliged to leave her card is
next seen, do not fail to offer her your
verbal regrets. These thoughtful atten-
tions must not cease in sending written
acceptance or regrets for formal invita-
tions, but if the pastor's wife has failed to
attend a social or missionary meeting, she
should in some way communicate with

67

68

those who had the meeting in charge. In
a city church these obligations so multiply
that a confirmed invalid must needs be
excused, but even an invalid can send from
her sick-room messages that will brighten
and sweeten this old world of ours. Our
religious papers are filled with beautiful
poems and stories. The pastor's wife can
cut these out before the papers are de-
stroyed and paste them on bright cards or
colored paper, and the planning where to
give or send them brings a bit of romance
into the dreariest life. If the pastor's wife
has a loving heart and is always polite and
courteous, the pastor has the best illustra-
tion at hand for anything he may say on
the subject. In fact, in these matters
example is better than precept.

Just how and when the pastor's family
shall entertain is a difficult question to
decide. We remember when our work
was in a church so small that we enter-
tained, in instalments, all the church-
members at tea ; but our experience has
been that too much can be done for a
church, so that the members will leave
most of the work of this kind for the pas-

69

tor's wife to do. But the effect of not
doing enough is almost as serious

A very pleasant way is to throw the
parsonage open from three to six in the
afternoon and from eight until eleven the
same evening. The refreshments can be
inexpensive, but should be daintily served
in the dining room. We have several times
entertained the deacons and their wives at
dinner, and occasionally the compliment
has been returned. When small companies
are entertained at the pastor's, there should
be some good reason for it. The Sunday-
school classes of the pastor and his wife,
the ushers, or some sharp division should
be made, so that no one can be offended.
When a pastor changes from one church
to another, he should not be in haste to
entertain his people in his own home. Let
time decide for him the tastes and customs
of his people, and then he will not have to
regret burdens assumed that are neither
enjoyed nor appreciated. Some pastors
find it possible to have one evening *'at
home " in each week. If his people bring
strangers to his house, it is well worth the
sacrifice, but when the church-members do

70

not call on that evening more than on any-
other, and the pastor frequently accepts
other invitations and leaves the burden of
entertaining on his wife, then she has a
right to request a change.

The wives of some pastors never know
when a guest may materialize. This is a
mistake. The pastor is not required to
ask every man who happens to call about
meal-time to stay; if he does, he will soon
have more than he can endure. It is like
feeding too many tramps. They mark the
house.

The only question that need trouble the
pastor's wife is to know that she has the
spirit and heart for bringing joy to those
about her and the judgment to control her
impulses. A good rule is, not to so ex-
haust ourselves In one department of work
that we are unfit to enjoy others. We can
easily see what holds society together — a
certain charm of person and manner that no
doubt often requires an effort. But should
we do less for Christ? Can we expect
success if we are cold and selfish? Sup-
pose others seem so to us. You remember
the old story of the wind and the sun.

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We were in a church five years once before
we saw much response, but there is a soft
place in every heart, and time and per-
sistent effort will find it. Is it fair to carry
a sad face to the rank and file of your
congregation because a few think you too
cheerful and undertake to discipline you?
There is only one way for us to keep
sweet, and that is, to do our work heartily
as unto God and not unto men. Mary no
doubt made denials in accumulating money
for the purchase of the alabaster box.
Denials will give to us the power to brighten
many lives, and in giving joy to others our
own hearts will overflow.

XVII

OUR HOMES AND OUR INTIMATE
KRIENDS

THERE are two luxuries denied the
successful pastor and his wife. One
is a home, and the other is intimate friends
among their parishioners. To some na-
tures these blessings do not seem luxuries,
but rather absolute necessities. The love
of home is inbred in some hearts and cul-
tivated through life, so that the frequent
migrations of the pastorate are a source of
terror and abject misery. In my own case
I had lived from childhood until marriage
in one home, and so had my ancestors
before me lived long years in their old
homesteads, so that I have often thought
the physical act of dying could have no
more pain for me than the removals from
one house to another. Some churches love
their neighbors as they do themselves, and
are careful to provide comfortable parson-
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ages for their pastors. If a pastor finds
such a church home awaiting him, it in
some degree compensates the loss of a
house that is absolutely his own.

If a pastor does not find a parsonage,
but is afterward able to influence the build-
ing of one, it is his duty to see that it is
made as convenient for his wife. as possible.
It is not best to connect the parsonage with
the church. It would be just as sensible
for a merchant to unite his residence with
his store; but a parsonage on the church
lot is better than none.

Every minister's home should have a
small reception room, with furniture that
cannot be easily injured in stormy weather,
and where the tedious caller cannot inter-
fere with others. If such a room is avail-
able, children can more frequently be in-
vited, and they will feel more inclined to
come if they are in no danger of doing
injury to the delicate appointments of the
house.

The giving up of intimate friends may
seem to some an irreparable loss, but it has
many compensations. A pastor and his
wife who are faithful to all their members

74

have little time or nerve left for intimate
friends. These intimacies, which seem so
pleasant, often become burdensome, and
in the pastorate absolutely dangerous, for
we may guard our tongues ever so care-
fully, and there may be no breath of slan-
der in our words, yet we may be suspected
of confidences we had no thought of mak-
ing, and harm will come.

There is a compensation when a pastor
removes from one field to another. Then
he and his wife are free to receive into
their homes and hearts some faithful one
in their former pastorate. I find it valu-
able as well as extremely pleasant to have
one correspondent in every former church
home. From them I can hear of the con-
versions for which we prayed while with
them, and bearing each other's burdens
they become lighter.

There are exceptions to all rules, and it
may be that some pastors have been en-
abled to purchase homes of their own and
to live happily in them for a term of years ;
but these exceptions are so rare that it will
not be safe to depend upon them as exam-
ples. It may also be true that some pas-

75

tor's wife has been able to have an intimate
friend without realizing any loss to herself
or the church, but I have not known of
any one who has been able to do it; on
the other hand, I have known of much evil
resulting from disregarding the law. Every
pastor and his wife are accountable to God
if they do not do all they can for the gen-
eral uplifting of the church which they
serve, and in doing this the desire for
special friendships will be absorbed and
the gratitude of many will fill their hearts
to overflowing.

While writing this paper, a young lady
came on an errand. She is the only child
of rich and influential parents ; but, as she
told me, "They care nothing for social
life " ; I invited her in and exerted myself
to entertain her, and not in vain, for she
enjoyed the call. There was more real
pleasure to both of us than there would
have been to two who * * were always run-
ning into each other's homes," often un-
expected, and also sometimes unwelcome.

In some churches there is a fund left by
will for a parsonage. There is such a one
in our present church, but it cannot be used

76

until enough is added to purchase or build
a parsonage. Now, it is the pastor's duty
to provoke his church to every good word
and work, and often in the bringing about
of some material good to a church a spirit-
ual blessing follows. But if there is one
pastor's wife who must go through life
without an earthly home, be assured that
to her there will be a larger welcome and
a more abundant entrance into her "man-
sion" that is awaiting her among the
**many."

XVIII

THE pastor's wife A WIDOW

THIS may be after a short pastorate in
one church. It may be after long
ones in many churches. It may be by ac-
cident. It may be by some disease common
to all men. It may be from a broken heart.
No matter how it comes, the manner of its
coming is swallowed up in the awful fact
that the pastor's wife is a widow. The
first great shock has passed; the painful
excitement of the funeral, with all its ar-
rangements, is over. It seems to you that
you have only kept your heart from break-
ing because you wanted to see his dear
face as long as possible, and there was a
feverish anxiety to do all for him that you
could. But that is all over now, and the
horror of living without him is borne down
upon you like a weight that crushes the life
out of your heart, and you cry out to the
Lord to take you too. But all at once you

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think of the children, whom, perhaps, he
left in your care, and you have just thought
of it, and your long habit of endurance for
his dear sake comes like a staff upon which
you lean, and for his sake and the chil-
dren's you begin to look about you and
wonder how you can win their bread, for
after this you must be mother and father
in one. No rules can be formulated for
such sorrows and perplexities, for each
case is peculiar in itself.

It is better for the church that your hus-
band has served, and that should soon have
another pastor, that you remove to some
other city or village. The removal will be
better for yourself and children. It may
be a wrench, second only to the death of
your husband; but if you do not remove,
you will be obliged to take another place
in the church, and it will be easier to do it
in some other church. If the people follow
you with their gifts as well as their prayers
until you can find your new place in the
world that now seems so dreary to you, do
not refuse them. You will be blessed in
receiving and they in giving.

What can the widowed pastor's wife do?

79

The answer depends entirely upon natural
qualifications. If health and home duties
will permit, perhaps one can go back to
teaching. If there is a love for the work,
no one could be better fitted for a church
or Sunday-school missionary, and the salary
ought to be ample so that the worker could
become absorbed in her work. We can
imagine a sweet and tender intimacy be-
tween such a missionary and the pastor's
wife of the church served. I recall a mis-
sionary who always came to the church
meetings early to meet me and confer about
her work. I felt while she was our mis-
sionary that I had wings and could fly as
well as walk to my work ; but even in such
pure intimacy I learned by a real experi-
ence that there were those who thought
themselves defrauded of my society, and
that I could not be too careful of even the
appearance of being more intimate with
one church-member than I was with others.
The pastor's wife who learned her lessons
well while her husband was living cannot
fail to be a very useful person in the church.
No one can do more to increase the love
of denominational literature, and the editors

Qnr»75'7/

So

and book-men can have the advantage of
her experience and tact. It is everything
in having congenial work, and as success
comes, as it surely will, the sorrows of the
parting will be absorbed in the joy of
meeting in heaven the loved co-worker,
who is even now rejoicing over the sheaves
his wife is garnering.

The children, not alone her own, but all
the children who know her, ''will rise up
and call her blessed," and after a long
and useful life is passed and the pearly
gates are opened wide for her abundant
entrance, the fragrance of life will be so
sweet that the pastor's wife will hardly
realize when heaven is reached. And how
precious her reward when, hand in hand,
she and her loved one hear the Master's
welcome: **Well done, good and faithful
servant ; thou hast been faithful over a few
things, I will make thee ruler over many
things : enter thou into the joy of thy lord."

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