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I THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY, |
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BV 4915 .A5 1841 ""^'"^

Alexander, Archibald, 1772-

1851.
Thoughts on religious

THOUGHTS

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

BY THE

Rev. ARCHIBALD ALEXANDER, D.D.

Professor of Pastoral and Polemic Theology in the Princeton Theological Seminary.

PHILADELPHIA:

PRESBYTERIAN BOARD OF PUBLICATION.

JaMES RUSSELL, PUBLISHING AGENT.

1841.

Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1841, by A. W. Mitchell,
M. D., in the office of the Clerk of the District Court for the Eastern District of
Pennsylvania.

Printed by

WILLIAM S. MARTIEN.

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.

Early religious impressions. — Different results. — Classes of per-
sons least impressed. — Examples of ineffectual impressions. 13

CHAPTER II.
Piety in children. — Comparatively few renewed in infancy and
childhood. — Soul awakened in different ways. — Legal convic-
tion not a necessary part of true religion. — Progress of con-
viction 22

CHAPTER III.

The new birth an event of great importance. — The evidences of
the new birth. — Diversities of experience in Converts. — Ex-
amples. — Causes of diversity 35

CHAPTER IV.

Causes of diversity in experience continued. — Effect of tempera-
ment.— Melancholy. — Advice to the friends of persons thus
affected. — Subject continued. — Illustrative cases. — Causes of
melancholy and insanity. ....... 48

CHAPTER V.

Effect of sympathy illustrated. — Cautions in relation to this sub-
ject.— A singular case in illustration .... 69

CHAPTER VI.

Erroneous views of regeneration. — The correct view. — The ope-
ration of faith. — Exercises of mind, as illustrated in President
Edwards' Narrative. — The operations of faith still further ex-
plained. 79

CHAPTER VII.

Considerations on dreams, visions, &c. — Remarkable conversion
of a blind infidel from hearing the Bible read. . . . 102

CHAPTER VIII.

Religious Conversation. — Stress laid by some on the knowledge
of the time and place of conversion. — Religious experience of
Halyburton 120

CHAPTER IX.

Christian experience of R C . — Narrative of Sir Richard

Hill's experience. 134

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER X.

Imperfect sanctification. — The spiritual warfare. . . 156

CHAPTER XI.

Narrative of G A S , an Episcopal Clergyman.

Narrative of a young Officer in the Army. . . .167

CHAPTER XII.

The spiritual conflict. — Various exhibitions of it. — Evil thoughts.
A case in illustration. 177

CHAPTER XIII.

Growth in grace. — Signs of it. — Practical directions how to
grow in grace. — Hinderances to it. .... 191

CHAPTER XIV. '^

Backsliding.— The Backslider restored. .... 205

CHAPTER XV.

The rich man and the poor. — TJie various trials of believers. 215

CHAPTER XVI.
Death-bed of the Believer 225

CHAPTER XVII.
Death-bed exercises of Andrew Rivet. .... 234

CHAPTER XVIII.

Death-bed exercises and speeches of Rev. Thomas Haly burton. 250

CHAPTER XIX.

Dying Experience of Mr. John Janeway, the Rev. Edward Pay-
son, and Rev. Samuel Finley, D. D. .... 259

CHAPTER XX.

Remarks on Death-bed Exercises, with several illsutrative ex-
amples 271

CHAPTER XXI.

Death-bed exercises of Mr. Baxter, and the Rev. Thomas
Scott, D. D 282

CHAPTER XXII.

Preparation for death. — The state of the soul after death. . 294

Prayer for one who feels that he is approaching the borders of
another world 307

PREFACE.

There are two kinds of religious knowledge,
which, though intimately connected as cause and
eflect, may nevertheless be distinguished. These
are the knowledge of the truth as it is revealed
in the Holy Scriptures, and the impression
which that truth makes on the human mind
when rightly apprehended. The first may be
compared to the inscription or image on a seal;
the other to the impression made by the seal on
the wax. When that impression is clearly and
distinctly made, we can understand, by contem-
plating it, the true inscription on the seal more
satisfactorily, than by a direct view of the seal
itself. Thus it is found, that nothing tends
more to confirm and elucidate the truths con-
tained in the word, than an inward experience
of their efficacy on the heart. It cannot, there-
fore, be uninteresting to the Christian, to have
these effects, as they consist in the various views
and affections of the mind, traced out, and ex-
hibited in their connexion with the truth, and in

PREFACE.

their relation to each other. There is, however,
one manifest disadvantage, under which we must
labour, in acquiring this kind of knowledge,
whether by our own experience, or that of
others; which is, that we are obliged to follow
a fallible guide ; and the pathway to this know-
ledge is very intricate, and the light which
shines upon it, often obscure. All investiga-
tions of the exercises of the human mind are
attended with difficulty; and never more so,
than when we attempt to ascertain the religious
or spiritual state of our hearts. If, indeed, the
impression of the truth were perfect, there
would exist little or no difficulty ; but when it is
a mere outline and the lineaments obscure, it
becomes extremely difficult to determine whether
it be the genuine impress of the truth: especially
as in this case, there will be much darkness and
confusion in the mind, and much that is of a
nature directly opposite to the effects of the en-
grafted word. There is, moreover, so great a
variety in the constitution of human minds, so
much diversity in the strength of the natural
passions, and so wide a difference in the tem-
perament of Christians, and so many differ-
ent degrees of piety, that the study of this
department of religious truth is exceedingly
difficult. In many cases the most experienced
and skilful casuist will feel himself at a loss; or
may utterly mistake, in regard to the true nature

PREFACE.

of a case submitted to his consideration. The
complete knowledge of the deceitful heart of
man, is a prerogative of the omniscient God.
" I the Lord search the hearts and try the reins
of the children of men." But we are not on this
account forbidden to search into this subject;
so far is this from being true, that we are re-
peatedly exhorted to examine ourselves, in rela-
tion to this very point; and Paul expresses
astonishment, that the Corinthian Christians
should have made so little progress in self-
knowledge. " Examine yourselves," says he,
" whether you be in the faith — prove your own
selves — know ye not that Jesus Christ is in
you, except ye be reprobates." In judging of
religious experience, it is all important to keep
steadily in view the system of divine truth, con-
tained in the Holy Scriptures ; otherwise, our
experience, as is too often the case, will degene-
rate into enthusiasm. Many ardent professors,
seem too readily to take it for granted, that all
religious feelings must be good. They there-
fore take no care to discriminate between the
genuine and the spurious, the pure gold, and the
tinsel. Their only concern is about the ardour
of their feelings ; not considering, that if they
are spurious, the more intense they are, the fur-
ther will they lead them astray. In our day, there
is nothing more necessary than to distinguish
carefully between true and false experiences, in

PREFACE.

religion; to "try the spirits whether they are of
God." And in making this discrimination, there
is no other test but the infalhble word of God;
let every thought, motive, impulse and emotion,
be brought to this touch-stone. " To the law
and the testimony, if they speak not according
to these, it is because there is no light in them."
If genuine religious experience is nothing but
the impression of divine truth on the mind, by
the energy of the Holy Spirit, then it is evident
that a knowledge of the truth is essential to gen-
uine piety; error never can, under any circum-
stances, produce the effects of truth. This is
now generally acknowledged. But it is not so
clearly understood by all, that any defect in our
knowledge of the truth, must, just so far as the
error extends, mar the symmetry of the impres-
sion produced. The error, in this case, is of
course not supposed to relate to fundamental
truths, for then there can be no genuine piety;
but where a true impression is made, it may be
rendered very defective, for want of a complete
knowledge of the whole system of revealed
truth; or its beauty marred by the existence of
some errors mingled with the truth, which may
be well illustrated by returning again to the seal.
Suppose that some part of the image inscribed
on it has been defaced, or that some of the let-
ters have been obliterated, it is evident, that
when the impression is made on the wax there

PREFACE. 9

will be a corresponding deficiency or deformity,
although in the main the impress may be cor-
rect. There is reason to believe, therefore, that
all ignorance of revealed truth, or error respect-
ing it, must be attended with a corresponding
defect in the religious exercises of the person.
This consideration teaches us the importance of
truth, and the duty of increasing daily in the
knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
This is the true and only method of growing in
grace. There may be much correct theoretical
knowledge, I admit, where there is no impression
corresponding with it on the heart; but still, all
good impressions on the heart are from the truth,
and from the truth alone. Hence we find, that
those denominations of Christians which receive
the system of evangelical truth, only in part,
have a defective experience; and their Christian
character, as a body, is so far defective; and
even where true piety exists, we often find a sad
mixture of enthusiasm, self-righteousness, or
superstition. And even where the theory of doc-
trinal truth is complete, yet if there be an error
respecting the terms of Christian communion,
by narrowing the entrance into Christ's fold to
a degree which his word does not authorize, this
single error, whatever professions may be made
to the contrary with the lips, always generates
a narrow spirit of bigotry, which greatly ob-

PREFACE.

structs the free exercise of that brotherly love
which Christ made the badge of discipleship.

If these things be so, then let all Christians
use unceasing diligence in acquiring a correct
knowledge of the truth as it is in Jesus ; and let
them pray without ceasing for the influence of
the Holy Spirit, to render the truth effectual
in the sanctification of the whole man, soul,
body, and spirit. "Sanctify them through thy
TRUTH, THY WORD IS TRUTH," was a prayer offer-
ed up by Christ, in behalf of all whom the Father
had given him.

ADVERTISEMENT.

The following Thoughts on Religious Experi-
ence were, for the most part, published in succes-
sive numbers, in the Watchman of the South,
and thence transferred to several other papers,
belonging to different denominations; so that
they have been pretty widely circulated through
the religious community. They were commen-
ced without any view to their being collected
into a volume; and, indeed, without any plan or
purpose, in regard to the extent to which the
subject would be pursued. They were generally
written hastily, in such fragments of time as
could be spared from the daily duties of an ar-
duous profession, and in a state of health far
from being perfect. This is the only apology
which the author has to offer, for the imperfec-
tions which will doubtless be found in them.
For although he has cursorily revised them since
the call was made for their re-publication, in this
form, yet he has made no alteration of any con-
sequence. He is thankful to God, that they

ADVERTISEMENT.

have been made useful to a single soul; and
that they may be rendered still more so, is his
humble prayer. He would, however, inform the
reader that one third or one fourth of this
volume, principally the latter part, has never
before been publislied.

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

CHAPTER I.

Early religious impressions. — Different results. — Classes of persons
least impressed. — Examples of ineffectual impressions.

There is no necessity for any other proof of native
depravity, than the aversion, which children early
manifest to rehgious instruction and to spiritual exer-
cises. From this cause it proceeds, that many children,
who have the opportunity of a good religious educa-
tion, learn scarcely any thing of the most important
truths of Christianity. If they are compelled to com-
mit the Catechism to memory, they are wont to do this
without ever thinking of the doctrines contained in the
words which they recite; so that, when the attention
is at any time awakened to the subject of religion, as
a personal concern, they feel themselves to be com-
pletely ignorant of the system of divine truth taught in
the Bible. Yet even to these, the truths committed to
memory are now of great utility. They are like a
treasure which has been hidden, but is now discov-
ered. Of two persons under conviction of sin, one of
whom has had sound religious instruction, and the
other none, the former will have an unspeakable
advantage over the latter in many respects.

Many children, and especially those who have
pious parents, who speak to them of the importance
of salvation, are the subjects of occasional religious
impressions, of different kinds. Sometimes they are
alarmed by hearing an awakening sermon, or by the

14 THOUGHTS ON

sudden death of a companion of their own age; or,
again, they are tenderly affected, even to tears, from
a consideration of the goodness and forbearance of
God, or from a representation of the love and suffer-
ings of Christ. There are also seasons of transport-
ing joy, which some experience, especially after being
tenderly affected with a sense of ingratitude to God
for his wonderful goodness, in sparing them and be-
stowing so many blessings upon them. These tran-
sient emotions of joy cannot always be easily accoun-
ted for, but they are commonly preceded or accompa-
nied by a hope, or persuasion, that God is reconciled
and will receive them. In some cases it would be
thought that these juvenile exercises were indications
of a change of heart, did they not pass away like the
morning cloud, or early dew, so as even to be oblit-
erated from the mind which experienced them. Some
imdertake to account for these religious impressions,
merely from the susceptible principle of human na-
ture, in connection with the external instructions of
the word, and some striking dispensations of Provi-
dence ; but the cause assigned is not adequate, be-
cause the same circumstances often exist, when no
such effects follow. Others ascribe them to the evil
spirit, who is -ever seeking to deceive and delude un-
wary souls, by inspiring them with a false persuasion
of their good estate, while they are in the gall of bit-
terness and bonds of iniquity. While I would not
deny that Satan may take advantage of these tran-
sient exercises to induce a false hope, I cannot be per-
suaded that he produces these impressions; for often
the persons, before experiencing them, were as care-
less and stupid as he could wish them to be; and be-
cause the tendency of these impressions is salutary.
The youth, thus affected, becomes more tender in con-
science, forsakes known sin before indulged, has re-
course to prayer, and feels strong desires after eternal
happiness. These are not what Satan would effect,
if he could; unless we could suppose that he was
operating against himself, which our Saviour has
taught us to be impossible. I am of opinion, there-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

fore, that these transient impressions should be ascri-
bed to the common operations of the Spirit of God,
and may have some inexplicable connection with the
future conversion and salvation of the person. There
is a common practical error in the minds of many Chris-
tians in regard to this matter. They seem to think
that nothing has any relation to the conversion of the
sinner, but that which immediately preceded this
event; and the Christian is ready to say, I was awa-
kened under such a sermon, and never had rest until
I found it in Christ; making nothing of all previous
instructions and impressions. So, when a revival
occurs under the awakening discourses of some evan-
gelist, people are ready to think that he only is the suc-
cessful preacher whose labours God owns and blesses;
whereas, he does but bring forward to maturity, feel-
ings and convictions, which have been long secretly
forming and growing within the soul, but so imper-
ceptibly, that the person himself was little sensible of
any change. It may be justly and Scripturally com-
pared to a growing crop: after the seed is sown it
vegetates, we know not how, and then it receives
daily the sun's influence, and from time to time, re-
freshing showers; but about the time of earing, after
a long drought, there comes a plentiful shower, by
means of which, nutriment is afforded for the forma-
tion of the full corn in the ear. No one will dispute
the importance and efficacy of this last shower in
maturing the grain; but had there been no cultiva-
tion and no showers long before, this had never pro-
duced any effect.

Whether those who are never converted, are the
subjects of these religious impressions, as well as
those who are afterwards brought to faith in Christ,
is a question not easily answered. That they expe-
rience dreadful alarms and pungent convictions at
times, and also tender drawings, cannot be doubted;
but whether those " chosen in Christ" are not, in their
natural state, subject to impressions which others
never experience, must remain undetermined, since
we know so little of the real state of the hearts of

16 THOUGHTS ON

most men; but as there is, undoubtedly, a special
providence exercised by Christ over those sheep not
yet called into the fold, I cannot but think it probable
that they are often influenced by the Holy Spirit in a
peculiar manner, to guard them against fatal errors
and destructive habits, and in preparing them, by de-
grees, to receive the truth.

We know very little, however, of what is passing
in the minds of thousands around us. The zealous
preacher often concludes and laments that there is no
impression on the minds of his hearers, when, if the
covering of the human heart could be withdrawn, he
would be astonished and confounded at the variety
and depth of the feelings experienced. Those im-
pressions which manifest themselves by a flow of
tears, are not the deepest, but often very superficial;
while the most awful distresses of the soul are entirely
concealed by a kind of hypocrisy, which men early
learn topractise,to hide their feelings of a religious kind
from their fellow-creatures. A man may be so much
in despair as to be meditating suicide, when his near-
est friends know nothing of it. The attempt at im-
mediate eff'ect, and the expectation of it, is one of the
errors of the present times; indeed, it is the very
watch-word of a certain party. But let us not be
misunderstood; we do not mean to say that all men
are not under indispensable obligations immediately
to obey all the commands of God. Concerning this,
there can be no difference of opinion. But the per-
sons to whom we refer seem to think that nothing is
done towards the salvation of men, but at the mo-
ment of their conversion, and that every good effect
must be at once manifest. Perhaps some one may
infer that we believe in a gradual regeneration, and
that special grace differs from common, only in de-
gree; but such an inference would be utterly false,
for there can be no medium between life and death;
but we do profess to believe and maintain, that there
is a gradual preparation, by common grace, for regen-
eration, which may be going on from childhood to
mature age; and we believe that, as no mortal can

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE,

tell the precise moment when the soul is vivified, and
as the principle of spiritual life in its commencement
is often very feeble, so it is an undoubted troth, that
the developement of the new life in the soul may be,
and often is, very slow; and not unfrequently that
which is called conversion is nothing else but a
more sensible and vigorous exercise of a principle
which has long existed. Just as the seed under
ground may have life, and may be struggling to come
forth to open day; but it may meet with various ob-
structions and unfavourable circumstances which re-
tard its growth. At length, however, it makes its
way through the earth, and expands its leaves to the
light and the air, and begins to drink in from every
source that nutriment which it needs. No one sup-
poses, however, that the moment of its appearing
above ground is the commencement of its life; but
this mistake is often made in the analogous case of
the regeneration of the soul. The first clear and
lively exercise of faith and repentance is made the
date of the origin of spiritual life, whereas it existed
in a feeble state, and put forth obscure acts long be-
fore, I find, however, that I am anticipating a dis-
cussion intended for another part of this work.

At present, I wish only to remark further, that
what has been said about early impressions and ju-
venile exercises of religion is not applicable to all.

There are, alas! many who seem to remain un-
moved amidst all the light and means by which most
are surrounded in this land; and these, too, are often
found in the families of the pious, and do actually
pass through more than one revival without parta-
king of any unusual influence, or experiencing any
strong religious feeling. Esau had a title to the birth-
right, and yet he so despised this peculiar blessing
that he actually sold it for " a mess of pottage."
Abraham, too, had his Ishmael, and Jacob a troop of
ungodly children. Eli's sons were wicked in the
extreme, and Samuel's came not up to what was
expected from the children of such a father. Among
all David's children we read of none who feared God

THOUGHTS ON

but Solomon. Those, however, who become ex-
tremely wicked have often resisted the strivings of the
Spirit; and not unfrequently the most impious blas-
phemers and atheists have once been much under the
influence of religious light and feeling; but quench-
ing the Spirit, have been given up to " believe a lie,"
and "to work all uncleanness with greediness.*'

We have said that there are some persons who
grow up to manhood without experiencing any re-
ligious impressions, except mere momentary thoughts
of death, and judgment; and these may be persons of
a very amiable disposition and moral deportment;
and these very qualities may be, in part, the reason
of their carelessness. They commit no gross sins,
the remembrance of which wounds the conscience.
Being of a calm and contented temper, and fond of
taking their ease, they shun religious reflection, and
turn away their thoughts from the truth, when it is
presented to them from the pulpit. Some persons, of
this description, have been awakened and converted,
at mature age, and have then confessed, that they
lived as much without God as atheists, and seldom,
if ever, extended their thoughts to futurity. Of course
they utterly neglected secret prayer, and lived in the
midst of gospel hght, without being in the least
affected by it.

There is, moreover, another class, who seem never
to feel the force of religious truth. They are such as
spend their whole waking hours in the giddy whirl
of amusement or company. Full of health and spirits,
and sanguine in their hopes of enjoyment from the
world, they put away serious reflection as the very
bane of pleasure. The very name of religion is hate-
ful to them: and all they ask of religious people is to
let them alone, and seize the pleasures of life while
within their reach. If we may judge from appear-
ances, this class is very large. We find them the
majority in many places of fashionable resort. The
theatre, ball-room, and the very streets are full of
such. They flutter gaily along, and keep each other
in countenance; while they are strangers to all grave

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 19

reflection, even in regard to the sober concerns of this
life. If a pious friend ever gets the opportunity of
addressing a word of serious advice to them, their
poHteness may prevent them from behaving rudely,
but no sooner is his back turned, than they laugh him
to scorn, and hate and despise him for his pains. They
habituate themselves to think that religion is an awk-
ward unseemly thing, and wonder how any person
of sense can bear to attend to it. Very often this
high reverie of pleasure is short: in such a world as
this, events are apt to occur, which dash the cup of
sensual delights, while it is at the lips. Death will
occasionally intrude even upon this gay circle, and
put a speedy end to their unreasonable merriment.
0 how sad is the spectacle, to see one of the votaries
of fashion suddenly cut down, and carried to the
grave! — When mortal sickness seizes such persons,
they are very apt to be delirious, if not with fever,
yet with fright; and their officious but cruel friends,
make it their chief study, to bar out every idea of
religion; and to flatter the poor dying creature with
the hope of recovery, until death has actually seized
his prey. Such an event produces a shock in the
feelings of survivors, of the same class, but such is
the buoyancy of their feelings, and their forgetfulness
of mournful events, that they are soon seen dancing
along their slippery path with as much insane thought-
lessness, as before. Nothing, which ever occurs, tends
so much to disturb the career of this multitude, as
when one of their number is converted unto God.
At first they are astounded, and for a moment pause,
but they soon learn to ascribe the change to some
natural cause, or to some strange capriciousness of
temper, or disappointm.ent in earthly hopes. Very
soon you will see them as much estranged from such
an one, although before an intimate friend — as if he
had never been of the number of their acquaintances.
Often their nearest relatives are ashamed of them, and,
as much as possible, shun their company. How ab-
surd then is it, for any to pretend, that men naturally
love God, and only need to know his character to re-

THOUGHTS ON

vere it! If there be a truth established beyond all
reasonable question, by uniform experience, it is, that
lovers of pleasure are the enemies of God.

The class of speculating, money-making, business-
doing men, is probably as numerous, and, though
more sober in their thoughts, yet as far from God,
and as destitute of religion as those already described ;
but as we find these not commonly among the youth,
but middle aged, we shall not attempt to delineate
their character, or describe their feelings. I must re-
turn to the consideration of early religious impres-
sions which do not terminate in a sound conversion
to God. Some five and forty years ago, I was fre-
quently in a family where the parents, though re-
specters of religion, were not professors. They had
a sweet, amiable little daughter, eight or ten years of
age, who had all the appearance of eminent piety.
She loved the Bible, loved preaching and religious
people, was uniform and constant in retiring for de-
votional exercises, and spoke freely, when asked, of
the feelings of her own mind. I think I never had
less doubt of any one's piety than of this little girl's.
There was no forwardness, nor pertness; nor any as-
sumption of sanctimonious airs. All was simplicity,
modesty, and consistency; she was grave but not de-
mure; solemn and tender in her feelings, without
affectation. She applied for admission to the com-
munion— and who dare refuse entrance into the fold
to such a dear lamb? Here my personal acquaint-
ance ends. But years afterwards, upon inquiry, I
found that when she grew up to woman-hood, she
became gay and careless, and entirely relinquished
her religious profession. My Methodist neighbour,
I know, if he had the chance to whisper in my ear,
would say, "I have no difficulty in accounting for
this case, she was a child of God, but fell from grace."
But I have never been able to adopt this method of
explaining such phenomena. There are few truths
of which I have a more unwavering conviction, than
that the sheep of Christ, for whom he laid down his
life, shall never perish. I do believe, however, that

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

grace may, for a season, sink so low in the heart into
which it has entered, and he so overborne and buried
up, that none but God can perceive its existence.
Now, that may have been the fact in regard to this
dear child; for her later history is unknown to me.
She may, for aught I know, be still alive, and be now
a living consistent member of Christ's Church, and
may possibly peruse these lines, though if she should
she may not recognize her own early features, taken
down from memory after the lapse of so many years.
But the picture is not of one person only, but of
many; differing only in trivial circumstances.

I retain a distinct recollection of another case of a
still earlier date; and where the history is more com-
plete. An obscure youth, the son of religious pa-
rents, in a time of awakening, seemed to have his at-
tention drawn to the concerns of his soul; so that he
seriously and diligently attended on all religious
meetings. He had the appearance of deep humility;
and though free to speak, when interrogated, was in
no respect forward or self-sufficient. Indeed, he was
scarcely known, or noticed, by the religious people
who were in the habit of attending prayer meetings.
It happened, that on an inclement evening, very few
were present, and none of those who were accus-
tomed to take a part in leading the devotional exer-
cises; the person, at whose house the meeting was
held, not wishing to dismiss the few who were pre-
sent, with a single prayer, asked this youth if he
would not attempt to make a prayer. He readily
assented, and performed this service with so much
fervency, fluency, and propriety of expression, that
all who heard it were astonished. From this time
he was called upon more frequently than any other,
and often in the public congregation; for some peo-
ple preferred his prayers to any sermons; and I must
say, that I never heard any one pray, who seemed to
me to have such a gift of prayer. The most appro-
priate passages of Scripture seemed to come to him
in rapid succession, as if by inspiration. Now the
common cry was, that he ought to be taken from the

THOUGHTS ON

trade which he was learning, (for he was an appren-
tice)— and be put to learning. The thing demanded
by so many, was not difficult to accomplish. He be-
gan a regular course of academical studies, and his
progress, though not extraordinary, was respectable.
But, alas! how weak is man — how deceitful is the
heart! This young man soon began to exhibit evi-
dence too plain, that conceit and self-confidence, were
taking root and growing very rapidly. He became im-
patient of opposition, arrogant towards his superiors,
and unwilling to yield to reproof administered in the
most paternal spirit. When the time came to enter
upon trials for the ministry, the Presbytery, to which
he applied, refused to receive him under their care.
But this solemn rebuff, instead of humbling him, only
provoked his indignation, and, as if in despite of
them, he turned at once to the study of another pro-
fession, in which he might have succeeded had he
remained moral and temperate in his habits ; but falling
into bad company, he became dissipated, and soon
came, without any known reformation, to a prema-
ture end. Now suppose this man had been permitted
to enter the ministry, the probability is, that though his
unchristian temper would have done much evil, yet
he would have continued in the sacred office to his
dying day. " Let him that thinketh he standeth
take heed lest hefall.''^

CHAPTER II.

Piety in children. — Comparatively fevr renewed in infancy and child-
hood.— Soul awakened in different ways. — Legal conviction not a
necessary part of true religion. — Progress of Conviction.

It is an interesting question, whether now, there are
any persons sanctified from the womb? If the commu-
nication of grace ever took place, at so early a period
of human existence, there is no reason why it should
not now sometimes occur. God says to Jeremiah, " Be-
fore I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee, and be-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

fore thou earnest forth out of the womb, I sanctified
thee." And of John the Baptist, Gabriel said to
Zacharias, his father, "And he shall be filled with the
Holy Ghost, even from his mother's womb." The
prophet Samuel also, seems to have feared the Lord
from his earliest childhood. In later times, cases
have often occurred, in which eminently pious per-
sons could not remember the time when they did not
love the Saviourand experience godly sorrow for their
sins; and, as we believe that infants maybe the sub-
jects of regeneration, and cannot be saved without it,
why may it not be the fact, that some who are regen-
erated Uve to mature age? I know, indeed, that
many conceive that infants are naturally free from
moral pollution, and, of course, need no regeneration;
but this opinion is diametrically opposite to the doc-
trine of Scripture, and inconsistent with the acknow-
ledged fact, that, as soon as they are capable of moral
action, all do go astray, and sin against God. If chil-
dren were not depraved, they would be naturally in-
clined to love God, and delight in his holy law; but the
reverse is true. Perhaps one reason why so few are
regenerated at this early age is, lest some should adopt
the opinion that grace came by nature, or that man
was not corrupt from his birth. Some have opposed
the idea that any are sanctified from their birth, for
fear that mere moralists and those religiously edu-
cated, should indulge the hope that they were born of
God, although they have experienced no particular
change, in any part of their lives, as far back as me-
mory reaches. But, allowing that some may improp-
erly make this use of the doctrine, it only proves
that a sound doctrine may be abused. All the doc-
trines of grace have been thus abused, and will be, as
long as "the heart is deceitful above all things."
There is, however, no ground for those who are still
impenitent, to comfort themselves with the notion that
they were regenerated in early infancy; for piety in a
child will be as manifest as in an adult, as soon as
such a child comes to the exercise of reason; and in
some respects, more so, because there are so few young

THOUGHTS ON

children who arc pious, and because they have more
simplicity of character, and are much less liable to play
the hypocrite than persons of mature age. Mere de-
cency of external behaviour, with a freedom from
gross sins, is no evidence of regeneration; for these
things may be found in many whose spirit is proud
and self-righteous, and entirely opposite to the reli-
gion of Christ: and we know that outward regularity
and sobriety may be produced by the restraints of
a religious education and good example, where there
are found none of the internal characteristics of gen-
uine piety. Suppose then, that, in a certain case,
grace has been communicated at so early a period,
that its first exercises cannot be remembered, what
will be the evidences which we should expect to
find of its existence? Surely, we ought not to look
for the wisdom, judgment, and stability of adult years,
even in di pious child. We should expect — if I may
say so — a childish piety: a simple, devout, and tender
state of heart. As soon as such a child should obtain
the first ideas of God, as its Creator, Preserver, and
Benefactor, and of Christ, as its Saviour, who shed
his blood and laid down his life for us on the cross, it
would be piously affected with these truths, and would
give manifest proof, that it possessed a susceptibility
of emotions and affections of heart, corresponding
with the conceptions of truth which it was capable of
taking in. Such a child would be liable to sin, as all
Christians are, but, when made sensible of faults, it
would manifest tenderness of conscience and genuine
sorrow, and would be fearful of sirining afterwards.
When taught that prayer was both a duty and pri-
vilege, it would take pleasure in drawing nigh to
God, and would be conscientious in the discharge of
secret duties. A truly pious child would be an affec-
tionate and obedient child to its parents and teachers;
and kind to brothers and sisters, and indeed, to all
other persons; and would take a lively interest in
hearing of the conversion of sinners, and the advance-
ment of Christ's kingdom in the world. We ought
not to expect from a regenerated child uniform atten-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 25

tion to serious subjects, or a freedom from that gaiety
and volatility which is characteristic of that tender
age; but we should expect to find the natural pro-
pensity moderated, and the temper softened and sea-
soned, by the commingling of pious thoughts and af-
fections with those which naturahy flow from the in-
fant mind. When such children are called, in Provi-
dence, to leave the world, then commonly, their piety
breaks out into a flame, and these young saints, under
the influence of divine grace, are enabled so to speak
of their love to Christ and confidence in him, as aston-
ishes, while it puts to shame aged Christians. Many
examples of this kind we have on record, where the
evidence of genuine piety was as strong as it well
could be. There is a peculiar sweetness, as well as
tenderness, in these early buddings of grace. In short,
the exercises of grace are the same in a child as in an
adult, only modified by the peculiarities in the charac-
ter and knowledge of a child. Indeed, many adults
in years, who are made the subjects of grace, are
children in knowledge and understanding, and require
the same indulgence, in our judgments of them, as
children in years.

To those wiio cannot fix any commencement of
their pious exercises, but who possess every other
evidence of a change of heart, I would say, be not
discouraged on this account, but rather be thankful
that you have been so early placed under the tender
care of the great Shepherd, and have thus been re-
strained from committing matiy sins, to which your
nature, as well as that of others, was inclined. The
habitual evidences of piety are the same, at whatever
period the work commenced. If you possess these,
you are safe; and early piety is probably more steady
and consistent when matured by age, than that of
later origin, though the change, of course, cannot be
so evident to yourselves or others.

If piety may commence at any age, how solicitous
should parents be for their children, that God would
bestow his grace upon them, even before they know
their right hand from their left; and, when about to

THOUGHTS ON

dedicate them to God, in holy baptism, how earnestly
should they pray that they might be baptized with
the Holy Ghost — that while their bodies are washed
in the emblematical laver of regeneration, their souls
may experience the renewing of the Holy Ghost,
and the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus. If the sen-
timents, expressed above, be correct, then may there
be such a thing as baptismal regeneration; not that
the mere external application of water can have any
effect to purify the soul; nor that internal grace uni-
formly or generally, accompanies this external wash-
ing, but that God, who works when and by what
means he pleases, may regenerate, by his Spirit,
the soul of the infant, while in his sacred name,
water is applied to the body. And, what time in
infancy is more likely to be the period of spiritual
quickening than the moment when that sacred rite is
performed, which is strikingly emblematical of this
change. Whether it be proper to say that baptism
may be the means of regeneration, depends on the
sense in which the word means is used. If in the
sense of presenting motives to the rational mind, as
when the word is read or heard, then it is not a
means; for the child has no knowledge of what is
done for it. But, if by means, be understood some-
thing which is accompanied by the divine efficiency,
changing the moral nature of the infant, then, in this
sense, baptism may be called the means of regenera-
tion when thus accompanied by divine grace. The
reason why it is believed, that regeneration does not
usually accompany baptism, is simply because no
evidences of spiritual life appear in baptized children
more than in those which remain unbaptized.

The education of children should proceed on the
principle that they are in an unregenerate state, until
evidences of piety clearly appear, in which case, they
should be sedulously cherished and nurtured. These
are Christ's lambs — " little ones, who believe in him"
whom none should offend or mislead upon the peril
of a terrible punishment. But though the religious
education of children should proceed on the ground

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 27

that they are destitute of grace, it ought ever to be
used as a means of grace. Every lesson, therefore,
should be accompanied with the lifting np of the
heart of the instructer to God for a blessing on the
means. "Sanctify them through thy truth; thy word
is truth."

Although the grace of God may be communicated
to a human soul, at any period of its existence, in this
world; yet the fact manifestly is, that very few are
renewed before the exercise of reason commences;
and not many, in early childhood. Most persons,
with whom we have been acquainted, grew up with-
out giving any decisive evidence of a change of heart.
Though religiously educated, yet they have evinced
a want of love to God, and an aversion to spiritual
things. Men are very reluctant, it is true, to admit
that their hearts are wicked, and at enmity with God.
They declare that they are conscious of no such feel-
ing, but still the evidence of a dislike to the spiritual
worship of God, they cannot altogether disguise; and
this is nothing else but enmity to God. They might
easily be convicted of loving the world more than
God, the creature more than the Creator; and we
know that he, who will be the friend of the world, is
the enemy of God. Let the most moral and amiable
of mankind, who are in this natural state, be asked
such questions as these, Do you take real pleasure
in perusing the sacred Scriptures, especially those
parts which are most spiritual? Do you take delight
in secret prayer, and find your heart drawn out to
God, in strong desires? Do you spend much time in
contemplating the divine attributes? Are you in the
habit of communing with your own hearts, and ex-
amining the true temper of your souls? No unregene-
rate persons can truly answer these, and such like
questions, in the affirmative. It is evident, then, that
most persons, whom we see around us, and with
whom we daily converse, are in the gall of bitterness
and bond of iniquity, and, continuing in that state,
where Christ is they never can come. And yet, alas!
they are at ease in Zion; and seem to have no fear of

THOUGHTS ON

that wrath which is coming. Their case is not only-
dangerous, but discouraging. Yet those who are now
in a state of grace, yea, those of our race who are
now in heaven, were once in the same condition.
You, my reader, may now be a member of Christ's
body, and an heir of his glory; but you can easily look
back, and remember the time, when you were as un-
concerned about your salvation, as any of the gay,
who are now fluttering around you. The same
power which arrested you, is able to stop their mad
career. Still hope and pray for their conversion.
But tell me, how were you brought to turn from your
wayward, downward course? This, as it relates to
the external means of awakening, would receive a
great variety of answers. One would say, while
hearing a particular sermon, I was awakened to see
my lost estate, and I never found rest or peace until I
was enabled to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Another would answer, I was brought to a consider-
ation, by the solemn and pointed conversation of a
pious friend, who sought my salvation. While a
third would answer, " I was led to serious considera-
tion, by having the hand of God laid heavily upon me,
in some afiiiction." In regard to many, the answer
would be, that their minds were gradually led to
serious consideration, they scarcely know how. Now,
in regard to these external means or circumstances, it
matters not, whether the attention was arrested, and
the conscience awakened, by this or that means,
gradually or suddenly. Neither do these things at all
assist in determining the nature of the effect produced.
All who ever became pious must have begun with
serious consideration, whatever means were employed
to produce this state of mind. But all who, for a sea-
son, become serious, are not certainly converted.
There may be solemn impressions and deep awaken-
ings which never terminate in a saving change, but
end in some delusion, or the person returns again to
his old condition; or rather to one much worse; for it
may be laid down as a maxim, that religious impres-
sions opposed, leave the soul in a more hardened state

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 29

than before; just as iron, heated and then cooled, be-
comes harder. In general, those impressions which
come on gradually, without any unusual means, are
more permanent than those which are produced by
circumstances of a striking and alarming nature. But
even here there is no general rule. The nature of the
permanent effects is the only sure criterion. "By
their fruits ye shall know them."

That conviction of sin is a necessary part of ex-
perimental religion, all will admit; but there is one
question respecting this matter, concerning which
there may be much doubt; and that is, whether a
law-work^ prior to regeneration, is necessary; or,
whether all true and salutary conviction is not the
effect of regeneration. I find' that a hundred years
ago, this was a matter in dispute between the two
parties, into which the Presbyterian church was divi-
ded, called the old and new side. The Tennents and
Blairs insisted much on the necessity of conviction of
sin, by the law, prior to regeneration ; while Thompson
and his associates were of opinion, that no such work
was necessary, nor should be insisted on. As far as
I know, the opinion of the necessity of legal convic-
tion has generally prevailed in all our modern revi-
vals: and it is usually taken for granted, that the con-
victions experienced are prior to regeneration. But
it would be very difficult to prove from Scripture, or
from the nature of the case, that such a preparatory
work was necessary. Suppose an individual to be,
in some certain moment, regenerated; such a soul
would begin to see with new eyes, and his own sins
would be among the things first viewed in a nev/
light. He would be convinced, not only of the fact
that they were transgressions of ihe law, but he would
also see, that they were intrinsically evil, and deserved
the punishment to which they exposed him. It is
only such a conviction as this that really prepares a
soul to accept of Christ in all his offices; not only as a
Saviour from wrath, but from sin. And it can scarce-
ly be believed, that that clear view of the justice of
God, in their condemnation, which most sensibly ex-

30 THOUGHTS ON

perience, is the fruit of a mere legal conviction, on an
unregenerate heart. For this view of God's justice
is not merely of the fact, that this is his character, but
of the divine excellency of his attributes, which is
accompanied with admiration of it, and a feeling of ac-
quiescence or submission. This view is sometimes so
clear, and the equity and propriety of punishing sin are
so manifest, and the feeling of acquiescence so strong,
that it has laid the foundation for the very absurd
opinion, that the true penitent is made willing to be
damned for the glory of God. When such a convic-
tion as this is experienced, the soul is commonly nigh
to comfort, although at the moment it is common to
entertain the opinion, that there is no salvation for it.
It is wonderful, and almost unaccountable, how calm
the soul is in the prospect of being for ever lost. An
old lady of the Baptist denomination was the first
person I ever heard give an account of Christian
experience, and I recollect that she said that she was
so deeply convinced that she should be lost, that she
began to think how she should feel and be exercised
in hell; and it occurred to her, that all in that horrid
place were employed in blaspheming the name of
God. The thought of doing so was rejected with
abhorrence, and she felt as if she must and would love
him, even there, for his goodness to her; for she saw
that she alone was to blame for her destruction, and
that He could in consistence with his character do
nothing else but inflict this punishment on her. Now
surely her heart was already changed, although not a
ray of comfort had dawned upon her mind. But is
there not before this, generally, a rebellious rising
against God, and a disposition to find fault with his
dealings? It may be so in many cases, but this feel-
ing is far from being as universal as some suppose.
As far as the testimony of pious people can be de-
pended on, there are many whose first convictions ate
of tlie evil of sin, rather than of its danger, and who
feel real compunction of spirit for having committed
it, accompanied with a lively feeling of ingratitude.
This question, however, is not of any great practical

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

importance; but there are some truly pions persons
who are distressed and perplexed, because iliey never
experienced that kind of conviction which they hear
others speak of, and the necessity of which is insisted
on by some preachers. Certainly that which the
reprobate may experience — which is not different
from what all the guilty will feel at the day of judg-
ment— cannot be a necessary part of true religion;
and yet it does appear to be a common thing for
awakened persons to be at first under a mere legal
conviction. 3.

Though man, in his natural state, is spiritually
dead, that is, entirely destitute of any spark of true
holiness, yet is he still a reasonable being, and has a
conscience by which he is capable of discerning the
difference between good and evil, and of feeling the
force of moral obligation. By having his sins brought
clearly before his mind, and his conscience awakened
from its stupor, he can be made to feel what his true
condition is as a transgressor of the holy law of God.
This sight and sense of sin, under the influence of the
common operations of the Spirit of God, is what is
usually styled conviction of sin. And there can be
no doubt that these views and feelings may he very
clear and strong in an unrenewed mind. Indeed,
they do not differ in kind from what every sinner will
experience at the day of judgment, when his own
conscience will condemn him, and he will stand guilty
before his judge. But there is nothing in this kind of
conviction which has any tendency to change the
heart, or to make it better. Some indeed have main-
tained, with some show of reason, that under mere
legal conviction, the sinner grows worse and worse;
and certainly he sees his sins to be greater in propor-
tion as the light of truth increases. There is not,
therefore, in such convictions, however clear and
strong, any approximation to regeneration. It cannot
be called a preparatory work to this change, in the
sense of disposing the person to receive the grace of
God. The only end which it can answer is to show
the rational creature his true condition, and to con-

32 THOUGHTS ON

vince the sinner of his absolute need of a Saviour.
Under conviction there is frequently a more sensible
rising of the enmity of the heart against God and his
law; but feelings of this kind do not belong to the
essence of conviction. There is also sometimes an
awful apprehension of danger; the imagination is fill-
ed with strong images of terror, and hell seems almost
uncovered to the view of the convinced sinner. But
there may be much of this feeling of terror, where
there is very little real conviction of sin; and on the
other hand, there often is deep and permanent convic-
tion, where the passions and imagination are very little
excited.

When the entrance of hght is gradual, the first ef-
fect of an awakened conscience is, to attempt to rec-
tify what now appears to have been wrong in the
conduct. It is very common for the conscience, at
first, to be affected with outward acts of transgres-
sion, and especially with some one prominent offence.
An external reformation is now begun: for this can
be effected by mere legal conviction. To this is added
an attention to the external duties of religion, such
as prayer, reading the Bible, hearing the word, &c.
Everything, however, is done with a legal spirit;
that is, with the wish and expectation of making
amends for past offences; and if painful penances
should be prescribed to the sinner, lie will readily
submit to them if he may, by this means, make some
atonement for his sins. But as the light increases, he
begins to see that the heart is wicked; and to be con-
vinced that his very prayers are polluted for want of
right motives and aff"ections. He, of course, tries to
regulate his thoughts, and to exercise right aff'ections;
but here his efforts prove fruitless. It is much easier
to reform the life than to bring the corrupt heart into
a right state. The case now begins to appear despe-
rate, and the sinner knows not which way to turn for
relief, and, to cap the climax of his distress, he
comes at length to be conscious of nothing but un-
yielding hardness of heart. He fears that the con-
viction which he seemed to have, is gone, and that he

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

is left to total obduracy. In these circumstances he
desires to feel keen compunction, and overwhelming
terror, for his impression is, that he is entirely without
conviction. The truth, however, is, that his convic-
tions are far greater, than if he experienced that sen-
sible distress which he so much courts. In this case,
he would not think his heart so incurably bad, because
it could entertain some right feeling, but as it is, he
sees it to be destitute of every good emotion, and of
all tender relentings. He has got down to the core of
iniquity, and finds within his breast a heart unsuscep-
tible of any good thing. Does he hear that others
have obtained relief by hearing such a preacher, read-
ing such a book, conversing with some experienced
Christian? he resorts to the same means, but entirely
without effect. The heart seems to become more in-
sensible, in proportion to the excellence of the means
enjoyed. Though he declares he has no sensibility of
any kind, yet his anxiety increases; and perhaps he
determines to give himself up solely to prayer and
reading the Bible; and if he perish, to perish seeking
for mercy. But however strong such resolutions may
be, they are found to be in vain ; for now, when he at-
tempts to pray, he finds his mouth as it were shut.
He cannot pray. He cannot read. He cannot medi-
tate. What can he do? Nothing. He has come to
the end of his legal efforts; and the result has been,
the simple, deep conviction that he can do nothing;
and if God does not mercifully interpose, he must in-
evitably perish. During all this process he has some
idea of the need of divine help; but until now, he
was not entirely cut off from all dependence on his
own strength and exertions. He still hoped that, by
some kind of effort or feeling, he could prepare him-
self for the mercy of God. Now he despairs of this;
and not only so, but for a season he despairs, it may
be, of salvation — gives himself up for lost. I do not
say, that this is a necessary feeling, by any means,
but know that it is very natural, and by no means un-
common, in real experience. But conviction having
accomplished all that it is capable of effecting, that is,

THOUGHTS ON

having emptied the creature of self-dependence and
self-righteousness, and brought him to the utmost ex-
tremity— even to the borders of despair, it is time for
God to work. The proverb says, " Man's extremity
is God's opportunity:" so it is in this case; and at this
time, it may reasonably be supposed, the work of re-
generation is wrought; for a new state of feeling is
now experienced. Upon calm reflection, God ap-
pears to have been just and good in all his dispensa-
tions; the blame of its perdition the soul fully takes
upon itself; acknowledges its ill-desert, and acquits
God. "Against thee, thee only, have I sinned and
done this evil in thy sight, that thou mightest be justi-
fied when thou speakest, and be clear when thou
judgest." The sirmer resigns himself into the hands
of God; and yet is convinced that if he does perish
he will sutler only what his sins deserve. He does
not fully discover the glorious plan according to which
God can be just and the justifier of the ungodly who
believe in Jesus Christ.

The above is not given as a course of experience
which all real Christians can recognize as their own,
but as a train of exercises which is very common.
And so I do not consider legal conviction as necessary
to precede regeneration, but suppose there are cases
in which the first serious impressions may be the ef-
fect of regeneration, I cannot, of course, consider any
particular train of exercises under the law as essen-
tial. It has been admitted, however, that legal con-
viction does in fact lake place in most instances, prior
to regeneration ; and it is not an unreasonable inquiry,
why is the sinner thus awakened? What good pur-
pose does it answer? The reply has been already
partially given ; but it may be remarked, that God
deals with man as an accountable, moral agent, and
before he rescues him from the ruin into which he is
sunk, he would let him see and feel, in some measure,
how wretched his condition is; how helpless he is in
himself, and how ineffectual are his most strenuous
efforts to deliver him from his sin and misery. Ho
is, therefore, permitted to try his own wisdom and

RELIGIOTJS EXPERIENCE. 35

Strength; and finally, to lead him to the full acknow-
ledgment of his own guilt, and to justify the right-
eous Judge who condemns him to everlasting tor-
ment. Conviction, then, is no part of a sinner's sal-
vation, but the clear practical knowledge of the fact
that he cannot save himself, and is entirely dependant
on the saving grace of God.

CHAPTER III.

The new birth an event of great importance. — The evidences of the
new birth. — Diversities of experience in Converts. — Examples. —
Causes of diversity.

There is no more important event, which occurs in
our world, than the new birth of an immortal soul.
Heirs to titles and estates, to kingdoms and empires,
are frequently born, and such events are blazoned
with imposing pomp, and celebrated by poets and
orators, but what are all these honours and posses-
sions but the gewgaws of cliildren, when compared
with the inheritance and glory to which every child
of God is born an heir. But this being a birth from
above, and all the blessings and privileges of the
young heir, of a hidden and spiritual nature, the
world around cannot be expected to take a lively in-
terest in the event. It is with the children of God as
with the divine Saviour; "the world knoweth them
not as it knew him not." The night on which He
was born, there was a great crowd of the descendants
of David, collected from every part of the Holy land,
where they were scattered abroad; but none of all
these knew that a Saviour was born that night. Yet
the angels celebrated the event in a truly celestial
hymn, and announced the glad tidings to a company
of simple shepherds, who were watching their flocks
in the open field. So these celestial inhabitants, the
messengers of God, take a lively interest still in events

THOUGHTS ON

in which a gay and ungodly world feel no concern.
For " there is joy in the presence of the angels of God
over one sinner that repenteth." How they know
certainly when a soul is born to God, we need not
inquire; for they have faculties and sources of know-
ledge, unknown to us. We know that "they are all
ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who
shall be heirs of salvation;" but how they carry on
their ministry we cannot tell. If the evil spirit can
inject evil thoughts into our minds, why may not good
spirits suggest pious thoughts, or occasionally make
sudden impressions for our warning, or change, by
some means, the train of our thoughts? No doubt
the devil soon learns the fact, when a sinner is con-
verted unto God; for he has then lost a subject, and,
perhaps, no conversion ever takes place, which he
does not use every effort to prevent.

Bnt, to return to our subject. The implantation of
spiritual life in a soul dead in sin, is an event, the
consequences of which will never end. When you
plant an acorn, and it grows, you expect not to see the
maturity, much less the end of the majestic oak, which
will expand its boughs and strike deeply into the earth
its roots. The fierce blast of centuries of winters may
beat upon it and agitate it; but it resists them all. Yet
finally this majestic oak, and all its towering branches,
must fall. Trees die with old age, as well as men.
But the plants of grace shall ever live. They shall
flourish in everlasting verdure. They will bear trans-
planting to another clime — to another world. They
shall bloom and bear fruit in the paradise of God. At
such an hour one is born in Zion unto God. Few
know it — few care for the event, or consider it of
much importance. But, reader, this feeble germ —
this incipient bud, will go on to grow and flourish for
infinitely more years than there are sands upon the
sea shore. To drop the figure. This renewed soul will
be seen and known among the saints in heaven, and
assisting in the never-ceasing songs of those who sur-
round the throne of God and the Lamb, millions of
ages hereafter. Pure and holy shall it be — " without

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

spot or wrinkle or any such thing." Bright as an
angel, and as free from moral taint — but still dis-
tinguished from those happy beings, to whom it is
equal, by singing a song in which they can never
join — in wearing robes made white in the blood of
the Lamb; and claiming a nearer kindred to the Son
of God, than Gabriel himself. Can that event be of
small moment, which lays a foundation for immortal

bliss? for ETERNAL LIFE?

Let us, then, patiently and impartially inquire into
some of the circumstances and evidences of the new
birth. And here I cannot but remark, that among
all the preposterous notions which a new and crude
theology has poured forth so profusely, in our day,
there is none more absurd, than that a dead sinner
can beget new life in himself The very idea of a
man's becoming his own father in the spiritual re-
generation, is as unreasonable as such a supposition
in relation to our first birth. Away with all such
soul-destroying, God-dishonouring sentiments. Which
were "born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh,
nor of the will of man, but of God" — "Born of the
Spirit" — "And you hath HE quickened who were
dead in trespasses and sins." But who can trace the
work of the Spirit in this wonderful renovation? Can
we tell how our bones and sinews were formed in
our mothers' wombs? Surely, then, there must be
mystery in the second birth. As our Lord said to
Nicodemus when discoursing on this very subject: "If
I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not,
how shall ye believe if I tell you of heavenly things?"
" The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest
the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh,
and whither it goeth."

There are, doubtless, great diversities in the ap-
pearances of the motions and actings of spiritual life
in its incipient stages.

The agent is the same — the deadness of the subject
the same — the instrument the same, and the nature of
the effect the same, in every case. But still, there are
many differing circumstances, which cause a great

THOUGHTS ON

variety in appearance and expression; such as the
degree of vigour in the principle of life communicated.
I know, indeed, that there are some who entertain
the opinion, that the new creature as it comes from
the hand of God — if I may so speak — is in all respects
identical or of equal valne. But this is not the fact.
There is as much difference in the original vigonr of
spiritual as of natural life. Now, who does not per-
ceive, what a remarkable difference this will make in
all the actings and external exhibitions of this princi-
ple. As in nature, some children as soon as born are
active and vigorous and healthy; and let all around
know quickly that they are alive and have strong
feeling too; whereas others come into the world with
so feeble a spark of life, that it can hardly be discerned
whether they breathe or have any pulsation in their
heart and arteries; and when it is ascertained that
they live, the principle of vitality is so weak, and sur-
rounded with so many untoward circumstances and
symptoms, that there is a small prospect of the infant
reaching maturity. Just so it is, in the new birth,
some are brought at once into the clear light of day.
They came "out of darkness into the marvellous light"
of the gospel. '' Old things are" consequently " passed
away, and all things are become new." The change
is most obvious and remarkable. They are as if in-
troduced into a new^ world. The Sun of righteous-
ness has risen upon them, without an intervening
cloud. Their perception of divine things is so new
and so clear, that they feel persuaded that they can
convince others, and cause them to see and feel as
they do. Indeed, they wonder why they did not
always see things in this light, and they do not know
why others do not see them as they do. Such per-
sons can no more doubt of their conversion than of
their existence. Such a case was that of Saul of
Tarsus. Such also was the case of Col. Gardiner.
Now this bright day may be clouded over, or it may
not. In the case of the two persons mentioned, there
does not seem ever to have arisen a passing cloud to
create a doubt whether indeed they had been brought

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 39

to enjoy the light of a heavenly day. But many a
day which hegins with an unclouded sun, is deformed
by dark and lowering clouds, and even agitated with
tremendous storms before it closes. So it may be in
the spiritual life. Some commence their pilgrimage
under the most favourable auspices, and seem to
stand so firmly on the mount, that they are ready to
say, " I shall never be moved." Yet when their
Lord hides his face, they are soon troubled; and may
long walk in darkness, and enjoy no hght of comfort.
And commonly this change is brought about by our
own spiritual pride and carelessness.

The opinion commonly entertained, that the most
enormous sinners are the subjects of the most pungent
convictions of sin, and the most alarming terrors of
hell, is not correct. In regard to such, the commence-
ment of a work of grace is sometimes very gradual,
and the impressions so apparently slight, that they
afford very little ground of sanguine expectations of
the result. While, on the other hand, some persons
of an unblemished moral character, and who, from
the influence of a religious education, have ahvays
respected religion, and venerated its ordinances, when
brought under conviction, are more terribly alarmed
and more overwhelmed with distress, than others
whose lives have been stained by gross crimes. The
Rev. John Newton, when awakened to some sense
of his sinful and dangerous condition, which occurred
during a violent and long continued storm at sea,
though his judgment was convinced that he was the
greatest of sinners, and he doubted whether it was
possible for him to be saved ; yet seems to have had
no very deep feelings or agitating fears. He says,
" It was not till after, perhaps, several years, that I
had gained some clear views of the infinite righteous-
ness and grace of Christ Jesus my Lord, that I had a
deep and strong apprehension of my state by nature
and practice; and perhaps till then I could not have
borne the sight; so wonderfully does the Lord pro-
portion the discoveries of sin and grace. For he knows
our frame, and that if he were to put forth the great-

THOUGHTS ON

ness of his power, a poor sinner would be instantly-
overwhelmed, and crushed as a moth." And, though
from this time there was a sensible change, and his
mind was turned towards religion, yet it is evident
from the history of his life, as well as his experiences
afterwards, that grace existed during several years,
in the feeblest state of which we can well conceive.
It appeared so much so to himself, that he warns all
persons from considering his experience a model for
for them. " As to myself," says he, " every part of
my case has been extraordinary — I have hardly met
a single instance resembling it. Few, very few have
been rescued from such a dreadful state, and those
few that have been thus favoured, have generally-
passed through the most severe convictions; and,
after the Lord has given them peace, their future lives
have been usually more zealous, bright, and exem-
plary than common." Now this is the opinion wliich
I think, is taken up rather from theory than an ob-
servation of facts. I think that those persons, who
have been most conversant with exercised souls will
say that there is no general rule here — that very pun-
gent convictions and deep distress are found as fre-
quently in those who have been preserved from out-
breaking transgressions, as in those noted for their
immoralities. There seems, indeed, more reason for
severe convictions in the latter case; but convictions
are not uniformly proportioned to the magnitude of
crimes. And in truth, we are incapable of comparing
together the heinousness of the sins of different per-
sons. The moral man, as we call him, may be the
greater sinner of the two, when weighed in the
balances of the sanctuary. I heard a popular preacher
once undertake to prove, that moral men and formal
professors must, in all cases, be far more wicked than
the blaspheming infidel, and gross debauchee. The
argument was plausible, but laboured under one es-
sential defect ; and I was of opinion, and still am, that
such a doctrine is highly dangerous, and calculated to
encourage men to go to all lengths in wickedness.
When I was a very young preacher, 1 expressed the

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 41

opinion, in a sermon preached in North C irolina, that
the mere morahst and formalist were more out of the
way of conviction than the openly profane. When
the sermon was ended, a fierce looking man came up
to me and said that I had delivered precisely his
opinion on one point, and mentioned the above senti-€
ment. I inquired, when he was gon€, who he was,
and found that he was the most notorious profligate
in all the country; and not long afterwards he was
apprehended and imprisoned, at the head of a com-
pany engaged in felonious acts. This taught me a
lesson which I never forgot. Mr. Newton proceeds
thus: "Now, on the one hand, my convictions were
very moderate, and far below what might have been
expected from the dreadful review I had to make;
so, on the other, my first beginnings in a religious
course were as faint as can well be imagined. I never
knew that season alluded to, Revelation, ii. 4, usually
called the time of "first love." And then he relates facts
which give sad evidence of a very low state of grace;
and, if it had never risen higher, we should certainly
have been inclined to believe that he was not a sub-
ject of saving grace. But this leads me to remark a
fact analogous to what is common in the natural
world; that the infant which, when born, barely
gives evidence of life, may not only grow to maturity,
but in size and strength* may far exceed those who
commenced life with more activity and vigoiu*; and
so in the spiritual life, when the incipient motions
and aftections are very feeble, the person may even-
tually become a mature and eminent Christian, as we
have no doubt Mr. Newton did. Another instance
of a similar kind, if my memory serves me, was the
Rev. Mr. R. Cecil, who had also been, for many
years, a profane infidel; hut who, in process of time,
became one of the most eminent Christians, as well
as spiritual ministers of his day. Dr. Thomas Scott,
also, was a Socinian, and yet a preacher of the es-
tablished Church; but the progress of illumination
and conviction in his mind was very gradual. His
" Force of Truth" is an admirable little work, and

42 THOUGHTS ON

furnishes a full illust ration of the sentiment which I
wish to inculcate: Tliat grace, in the commencement,
is often exceedingly faint and feeble, and yet may
grow into a state of maturity and comparative per-
fection.

} In the experience of President Edwards, as re-
corded by himself, we find no account of any deep
and distressing convictions of sin at the commence-
ment of his religious course; though, afterwards,
perhaps few men ever attained to such humbling
views of the depth and turpitude of the depravity of
the heart. But his experience differs from that of those
mentioned above, in that his first views of divine
things were clear and attended with unspeakable de-
light. " The first instance that I remember of that
sort of inward, secret delight in God and divine things,
that I have lived much in since, was, on reading those
words, 1 Tim. i, 17, 'Now, unto the King eternal,
immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and
glory, for ever and ever. Amen.' As I read these
words, there came into my soul, and was as it were
diffused through it, a sense of the glory of the divine
Being; a new sense, quite different from any thing I
ever experienced before. Never any words of Scrip-
ture seemed to me as those words did. I thought
with myself, how excellent a being that was, and how
happy I should be, if I might enjoy that God, and be
rapt up to him in heaven, and be as it were swallowed
up in him for ever." " From that time I began to
have a new kind of apprehensions and ideas of Christ,
and the work of redemption, and the glorious way of
salvation by him. An inward, sweet sense of these
things, at times, came into my heart; and my soul
was led away in pleasant views and contemplations
of them. After this, my sense of divine things gra-
dually increased, and became more and more lively,
and had more of that inward sweetness. The ap-
pearance of every thing was altered. There seemed
to be, as it were, a calm, sweet, cast or appearance
of divine glory, in almost every thing. God's excel-
cency, his wisdom, his purity, and his love seemed to

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 43

appear in every thing." The difference between this
and many other cases of incipient piety, is very
striking. And yel these views and exercises do not
come np to the standard which some set up in regard
to Christian experience, because they are so abstract,
and have such casual reference to Ciirist, through
whom alone God is revealed to man as an object of
saving faith. And if there be a fault in the writings
of this great and good man on the subject of experi-
mental religion, it is, that they seem to represent re-
newed persons as at the first, occupied with the con-
templation of the attributes of God with delight,
without ever thinking of a Mediator. But few men
ever attained, as we think, higher degrees of holiness,
or had made more accurate observations on the exer-
cises of others. His work on the Affections is too
abstract and tedious for common readers; but is an
excellent work, although I think his twelve marks
might with great advantage be reduced to half the
number, on his own plan. The experimental exer-
cises of religion are sure to take their complexion
from the theory of doctrine entertained, or which is
inculcated at the time.

The variety which appears in the exercises of real
converts does not depend alone on the different de-
grees of vigour, in the principle of spiritual life, but on
many other circumstances; some of which will now
be noticed. The benefit of sound doctrinal instruc-
tion to the new-born soul has already been mention-
ed, but demands a more particular consideration.
What degree of knowledge is absolutely necessary to
the existence of piety cannot be accurately determin-
ed by man, but we know that genuine faith may con-
sist with much ignorance and error. Suppose two
persons, then, to have received the principle of spirit-
ual life in equal vigour; but let the one be ignorant
and the other well instructed, it is easy to see what
a difference this will make in the exercises of the two
converts; and also in the account which they are able
respectively to give to others of the work of grace on
their hearts. It is here taken for granted, that no-

THOUGHTS ON

thing but divine truth can be the object of holy affec-
tions, or furnish the motives from which true Chris-
tians are bound to act; and ihat faith in all its actings
has respect to revealed truth. But that which is un-
known can neither be the object of faith or love, and
that which is known obscurely, and viewed indistinct-
ly, can never operate with the same effect as that
which is clearly understood. Accordingly, our mis-
sionaries inform us, that we ought not to expect the
same consistency or maturity in the religion of real
converts from heathenism, as from religiously edu-
cated persons in our own country. It is a lamentable
fact that m this land of churches and of Bibles, there
are many who know little more of the doctrines of
Christianity, than the pagans themselves. The pro-
per inference from the fact stated is, that they are
egregiously in error, who think that the religious edu-
cation of children, is useless, or even injurious; and
their opinion is also condemned who maintain that it
matters little what men believe provided their lives
are upright. All good conduct must proceed from
good principles; but good principles cannot exist
without a knowledge of the truth. "Truth is in
order to holiness;" and between truth and holiness
there is an indissoluble connexion. It would be as
reasonable to expect a child born into an atmosphere
corrupted with pestilential vapour, to grow and be
healthy as that spiritual life should flourish without
the nutriment of the pure milk of the word, and
without breathing in the wholesome atmosphere of
truth. The new man often remains in a dwarfish
state, because he is fed upon husks; or, he grows into
a distorted shape by means of the errors which are
inculcated upon him. It is of unspeakable import-
ance that the young disciple have sound, instructive,
and practical preaching to attend on. It is also of
consequence that the religious people, with whom he
converses, should be discreet, evangelical, and intelli-
gent Christians; and that the books put into his hands
should be of the right kind. There is what may be
called a sectarian peculiarity in the experimental reli-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 45

gion of all the members of a religious denomination.
When it is required, in order that persons be admitted
to communion, tiiat they publicly give a narrative of
the exercises of their minds, there will commonly be
observed a striking similarity. There is a certain
mould into which all seem to be cast. By the way,
this requisition is unwise; few persons have humihty
and discretion enough to be trusted to declare in a pub-
lic congregation, what the dealings of God with their
souls have been. When ignorant, weak, and fanci-
ful persons undertake this, they often bring out such
crude and ludicrous things, as greatly tend to bring ex-
perimental religion into discredit. The practice seems
also to be founded on a false principle, namely, that
real Christians are able to tell with certainty whether
others have religion, if they hear their experience.
Enthusiasts have always laid claim to this discernment
of the spirits, and this enthusiasm is widely spread
through some large sects; and when they meet with
any professing piety, they are always solicitous to
hear an account of their conviction, conversion, &c.
A free intercourse of this kind among intimate friends,
is no doubt, profitable; but a frequent and indiscrimi-
nate disclosure of these secret things of the heart, is
attended with many evils. Among the chief is, the
fostering of spiritual pride, which may often be de-
tected when the person is boasting of his humility.
In those social meetings, in which every person is
questioned as to the state of their souls, the very
sameness of most of the answers ought to render the
practice suspicious. Poor, weak, and ignorant per-
sons, often profess to be happy ^ and to be full of the
love of God, when they know not what they say. It is
wonderful how little you hear of the spiritual conflict
in the account which many professors give of their
experience. The people know what kind of answers
is expected of them, and they come, as near as they
can to what is wished; and it is to be feared that
many cry '-peace," when there is no peace; and say
that they are happy, merely because they hear this
from the lips of others. Hypocrisy is a fearful evil,

46 THOUGHTS ON

and every thing which has a tendency to produce it
should be avoided. Among some classes of reli-
gious people, all doubting about the goodness and
safety of our state is scouted as inconsistent with
faith. It is assumed as indubitably true, that every
Christian must be assured of his being in a state of
grace, and they have no charity for those who are dis-
tressed with almost perpetual doubts and fears. This
they consider to be the essence of unbelief; for faith,
according to them, is a full persuasion that our sins
are forgiven. No painful process of self-examination
is therefore requisite, for every believer has posses-
sion already of all that could be learned from such ex-
amination. Among others, doubting, it is to be fear-
ed, is too much encouraged; and serious Christians
are perplexed with needless scruples originating in
the multiplication of the marks of conversion, which
sometimes are difficult of application, and, in other
cases, are not Scriptural, but arbitrary, set up by the
preacher who values himself upon his skill in detect-
ing the close hypocrite, whereas he wounds the weak
believer, in ten cases, where he awakens the hypo-
crite in one. I once heard one of these preachers,
whose common mode was harsh, and calculated to
distress the feeble minded, attempt to preach in a very
different style. He seemed to remember that he
should not " bruise the broken reed," nor " quench
the smoking flax." A person of a contrite spirit
heard the discourse with unusual comfort, but at the
close the preacher resumed his usual harsh tone, and
said, "Now you hypocrites will be snatching at the
children's bread." On hearing which, the broken
hearted hearer felt himself addressed, and instantly
threw away all the comfort which he had received.
And though there might be a hundred hypocrites
present, yet not one of them cared any thing about the
admonition.

In some places, anxious inquirers are told that if
they will hold on praying and using the means, that
God is bound to save them; as though a dead, con-
demned sinner could so pray as to bring God under

RELIGIOUS EXPEKIENCE. 4T

obligation to him, or could secure the blessings of
the covenant of grace, by his selfish, legal striving.
These instructions accord very much with the self-
righteous spirit which is naturally in us all; and one
of two things may be expected to ensue, either that
the anxious inquirer will conclude that he has worked
out his salvation, and cry peace; or that he should
sink into discouragement and charge God foolishly,
because he does not hear his prayers, and grant him
his desires. There is another extreme, but not so
common among us. It is, to tell the unconverted,
however anxious, not to pray at all — that their pray-
ers are an abomination to God, and can answer no
good purpose, until they are able to pray in faith.
The writer happened once to be cast into a congrega-
tion where this doctrine was inculcated, at the time
of a considerable revival, when many sinners were
cut to the heart and were inquiring, what must we
do to be saved? He conversed with some who ap-
peared to be under deep and awful convictions; but
they were directed to use no means, but to believe,
and they appeared to remain in a state of perfect
quiescence, doing nothing, but confessing the justice
of their condemnation, and appearing to feel that they
were entirely at the disposal of Him, who " has mercy
on whom he will have mercy." The theory, how-
ever, was not consistently carried out, for while these
persons were tauglit not to pray, they were exhorted
to hear the gospel,- and were frequently conversed
with by their pastor. But this extreme is not so
dangerous as the former, which encourages sinners to
think that they can do something to recommend them-
selves to God, by their unbelieving prayers. The
fruits of this revival, I have reason to believe, were
very precious. Even among the same people and
under the same minister, the exercises of the awaken-
ed in a revival are very different. In some seasons
of this sort, the work appears to be far deeper and
more solemn than in others.

48 THOUGHTS ON

CHAPTER IV.

Causes of diversity in experience continued. — EiFect of temperament. —
Melancholy. — Advice to the friends of persons thus aflected. — Sub-
ject continued. — Illustrative cases. — Causes of melancholy and in-
sanity.

We have before shown how the principle of spirit-
ual life is affected in its appearance by two cir-
cumstances— the degree of vigour given to it in its
commencement, and the degree of knowledge and
maturity of judgment which one may possess above
another. We now come to another pregnant cause
of the great variety which is found in the exercises
and comforts of real Christians, and that is the differ-
ence of tempercwient which is so familiar, and which
so frequently modifies the characters, as well as the
feelings of men in other matters. There can be no
doubt, I think, that the susceptibility of lively emotion
is exceedingly different in men under the same cir-
cumstances. Persons of strong affections and ardent
temperament, upon an unexpected bereavement of a
beloved wife or child, are thrown into an agony of
grief which is scarcely tolerable; while those of a cold,
phlegmatic temperament, seem to suffer no exquisite
anguish from this or any other cause. Not that they
possess more fortitude or resignation, for the contrary
may be the fact; but their susceptibilities are less
acute. And this disparity appears in nothing more
remarkably than in the tendency to entertain different
degrees of hope or fear in similar circumstances. For,
while some will hope whenever there is the smallest
ground for a favourable result, others are sure to fear
the worst which can possibly happen; and their ap-
prehensions are proportioned to the magnitude of the
interest at stake. Now is it wonderful, that men's
religious feelings should be affected by the same
causes? When two exercised persons speak of their
convictions, their sorrows and their hopeS((^U isjnot to

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 49

be expected, that with the same truths before their
minds, those of a sanguine temperament will expe-
rience more sensible emotions, and, upon the same
evidence, entertain more confident hopes than those
of a contrary disposition ? And, of necessity, the joy
of the one will be much more lively than that of the
other. Thus, two persons may be found, whose ex-
perience may have been very similar as to their con-
viction of sin, and exercise of faith and repentance;
and yet the one will express a strong confidence of
having passed from death unto life; while the other is
afraid to express a trembling hope. Of these two
classes of Christians, the first is the most comfortable,
the latter the safest, as being unwilling to be satisfied
with any evidence but the strongest. But there is
not only a wide difference from this natural cause of
the liveliness of the emotions of joy and sorrow, and
of the confidence of the hopes entertained, but usually
a very different mode of expression. Sanguine per-
sons, from the very impulse of ardent feeling, have a
tendency to express things in strong language con-
stantly verging on exaggeration. They are apt to use
superlatives and strong emphasis, as wishing to con-
vey a full idea of their feelings, while those of a colder
temperament and more timid disposition, fall below
the reality, in their descriptions, and are cautious not
to convey to others too high an idea of what they
have experienced. This diversity, as the cause is
permanent, characterizes the religious experience of
these respective classes of Christians through their
whole pilgrimage, and may be equally manifest on a
dying bed. Hence it appears how very uncertain a
knowledge of the internal state of the heart we obtain
from the words and professions of serious persons.
It should also serve to shake the vain confidence of
those who imagine that they can decide with certainty
whether another is a truly converted person, merely
from hearing a narrative of his religious experience;
and that is, that two persons may employ the same
words and phrases to express their feelings, and yet

THOUGHTS ON

those feelings may be specifically different; each may
say, " I felt the love of God shed abroad in my heart,"
which in the one case may be the genuine affection
described in these words; while in the other it may
be a mere transport of natural feelhig; a mere selfish
persuasion of being a favourite of heaven; or a high
state of nervous exhileration, produced by a physiolo-
gical cause. Both these persons may be sincere, ac-
cording to the popular acceptation of that term; that
is, both have really experienced a lively emotion, and
both mean to express the simple fact; and yet the one
is a real Christian, while the other may be in an un-
regenerate state. Another thing which ought to
destroy this foolish persuasion, that we can certainly
determine the true spiritual condition of another
person by hearing from him a narrative of his expe-
rience, and that is that any words or phrases which
can be used by a really pious man, may be learned
by a designing hypocrite. What is to hinder such an
one from using the very language and imitating the
very manner in which true Christians have been
heard to relate their experience? What can prevent
deceivers from catching up the narrative of godly
exercises so abundantly found in religious biography,
and applying it to themselves, as though they had
experience of these things? While only two classes
of Christians have been mentioned, yet in each of
these there are many subordinate divisions, to de-
scribe all of which would be tedious and not for edifi-
cation. The reader can readily apply the general
principles to every variety of experience, modified by
this cause.

In the preceding remarks, the healthy, constitutional
temperament has alone been brought into view; but
by far the most distressing cases of conscience, with
which the spiritual physician has to deal, are owing
to a morbid temperament. As most people are in-
clined to conceal their spiritual distresses, few have
any conception of the number of persons who are
habitually suffering under the frightful malady of

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 51

melancholy. With some, this disease is not perma-
nent, but occasional. They have only periodical
paroxysms of deep religious depression; and they
may be said to have their compensation, for the dark
and cloudy day, by being favoured with one of pe-
culiar brightness, in quick succession. If their gloom
was uninterrupted, it would be overwhelming, but
after a dark night, rises a lovely morning without the
shadow of a cloud. This rapid and great alteration
of feeling is found in those who possess what may be
called a mercurial temperament. It is connected with
a nervous system peculiarly excitable and exceedingly
liable to temporary derangement. A rough east wind
is sufficient to blow up clouds which completely ob-
scure the cheerful sunshine of the soul; while the
wholesome zephyrs as quickly drive all these gloomy
clouds away. Such persons always have a stomach
easily disordered, and one ounce of improper food, or
one too much of wholesome food is cause sufficient
to derange the nerves and depress the spirits. The
want of refreshing sleep, or watchfulness is another
cause of the same effects; and in its turn, is an effect
from disordered nerves. But physical causes are not
the only ones which produce this painful state of feel-
ing. It is often produced, in a moment, by hearing
some unpleasant intelligence, or by the occurrence of
some disagreeable event. But, as was hinted, when
these people of nervous temperament are relieved
from a fit of depression, their sky is uncommonly
free from clouds; their hopes are lively, their spirits
buoyant, and nothing can trouble them. These alter-
nations of day and night, of sun-shine and darkness,
must of necessity affect the feelings in regard to all
matters, temporal and spiritual, for as in a dark night
every object appears black, so when llie mind is over-
cast with gloomy clouds every view must partake of
the same aspect. To many persons this description
will be unintelligible; but by others, it will be recog-
nized, at once, as a just view of their own case. But
when religious melancholy becomes a fixed disease,
it may be reckoned among the heaviest calamities to

52 THOUGHTS ON

which our suffering nature is subject. It resists all
argument and rejects every topic of consolation, from
whatever source it may proceed. It feeds upon dis-
tress and despair, and is displeased even with the sug-
gestion or offer of reUef, The mind thus affected
seizes on those ideas and truths which are most awful
and terrific. Any doctrine which excludes all hope
is congenial to the melancholy spirit, and it seizes on
such things with an unnatural avidity, and will not
let them go.

There is no subject on which it is more vain and
dangerous to theorize than our religious experience^
It is therefore of unspeakable importance that minis-
ters of the gospel, who have to deal with diseased
consciences, should have had some experience them-
selves in these matters. This, no doubt, is one reason
why some, intended to be "sons of consolation" to
others, have been brought through deep waters, and
have been buffeted by many storms, before they ob-
tained a settled peace of mind. It is a proper object
of inquiry, why, in our day, so little is heard about
the spiritual troubles, of which we read so much in
the casuistical treatises of writers of a former age. It
can scarcely be supposed that the faith of modern
Christians is so much stronger than that of believers
who lived in other days, that they are enabled easily
to triumph over their melancholy fears and despon-
dency. Neither can we suppose that Satan is less
busy in casting his fiery darts, and in attempts to
drive the children of God to despair. There is rea-
son to fear, that among Christians of the present time,
there is less deep, spiritual exercise, than in former
days; and as little is said on this subject m public dis-
courses, there may be greater concealment of the
troubles of this kind than if these subjects were more
frequently discussed. It is observable that all those
who have experieiiced this sore affliction and have
been mercifully delivered from them, are very solicit-
ous to administer relief and comfort to others who are
still exposed to the peltings of the pitiless storm; and
these are the persons who feel the tenderest sympathy

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

with afflicted consciences, and know how to bear with
the infirmities and waywardness which accompany a
state of religious melancholy. It is also remarkable,
that very generally, they who have been recovered
from such diseases, attribute no small part of their
troubles to a morbid temperament of body, and ac-
cordingly, in their counsels to the melancholy, they
lay particular stress on the regular, healthy state of
the body.

About the close of the seventeenth century, the
Rev, Tim.othy Rogers, a pious and able minister of
London, fell into a state of deep melancholy; and
such was the distressing darkness of his mind, that he
gave up all hope of the mercy of God, and believed
himself to be a vessel of wrath, designed for destruc-
tion, for the praise of the glorious justice of the Al-
mighty. His sad condition was known to many pious
ministers and people throughout the country, who, it
is believed, were earnest and incessant in their suppli-
cations in his behalf. And these intercessions were
not ineffectual; for it pleased God to grant a complete
deliverance to his suffering servant. And having re-
ceived comfort of the Lord, he was exceedingly de-
sirous to be instrumental in administering the same
comfort to others, with which he himself had been
comforted. He therefore wrote several treatises with
this object in view, which are well calculated to be of
service to those labouring under spiritual distress.
One of these is entitled, " Recovery from Sickness,"
another " Consolation to the Afflicted," and a
third, " A Discourse on Trouble of Mind, and the
Disease op Melancholy." In the " preface" to this
last, the author gives directions to the friends of per-
sons labouring under religious melancholy, how to
treat them. The substance of these, I will now com-
municate to the reader. " 1. Look upon your dis-
tressed friends as under one of the worst distempers
to which this miserable life is obnoxious. Melan-
choly incapacitates them for thought or action: it
confounds and disturbs all their thoughts and fills
them with vexation and anguish. I verily believe,

THOUGHTS ON

that when this mahgn humour is deeply fixed and
has spread its deleterious influence over every part,
it is as vain to attempt to resist it, by reasoning and
rational motives, as to oppose a fever, or the gout, or
pleurisy. One of the very worst attendants of this
disease is, the want of sleep, by which in other dis-
tresses men are relieved and refreshed; but in this
disease, either sleep flies far away, or is so disturbed,
that the poor suff"erer, instead of being refreshed, is
like one on the rack. The faculties of the soul are
weakened, and all their operations disturbed and
clouded; and the poor body languishes and pines
away, at the same time. And that which renders
this disease more formidable is, its long continuance.
It is a long time often before it comes to its height;
and usually as tedious in its declension. It is, in
every respect, sad and overwhelming; a state of dark-
ness that has no discernible beams of light. It gene-
rally begins in the body, and then conveys its venom
to the mind. I pretend not to tell you what medicines
will cure it, for I know of none. I leave you to ad-
vise with such as are skilled in physic, and especially
to such doctors as have experienced something of it
themselves; for it is impossible to understand the
nature of it in any other way than by experience.
There is danger, as Mr. Greenham says, 'that the
bodily physician will look no further than the body,
while the spiritual physician will totally disregard the
body, and look only at the mind.'

" 2. Treat those who are under this disease with
tender compassion. Remember also, that you are
liable to the same affliction; for however brisk your
spirits and lively your feelings now, you may meet
with such reverses, with such long and sharp afflic-
tions, as will sink your spirits. Many, not naturally
inclined to melancholy, have, by overwhelming and
repeated calamities, been sunk into this dark gulf

" 3. Never use harsh language to your friends when
under the disease of melancholy. This will only
serve to fret and perplex them the more, but will
never benefit them. I know that the counsel of some

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 55

is, to rebuke and chide them, on all occasions; but I
dare confidently say, that such advisers never felt the
disease themselves; for if they had, they would know
that thus they do but pour oil into the flames, and
chafe and exasperate their wounds, instead of heal-
ing them. Mr. Dod, by reason of his mild, meek,
and merciful spirit, was reckoned one of the fittest
persons to deal with those thus afflicted. Never was
any person more tender and compassionate as all will
be convinced, who will read the accounts of Mr. Pea-
cock and Mrs. Drake, both of whom were greatly
relieved by his conversation.

"4. If you would possess any influence over your
friends in this unhappy state of mind, you must be
careful not to express any want of confidence in what
they relate of their own feelings and distresses. On
this point, there is often a great mistake. When they
speak of their frightful and distressing apprehensions,
it is common for friends to reply, ' that this is all
imaginary' — 'nothing but fancy,' 'an unfounded
whim.' Now the disease is a real one, and their
misery is as real as any experienced by man. It is
true, their imagination is disordered, but this is mere-
ly the effect of a deeper disease. These afflicted per-
sons never can believe that you have any real sym-
pathy with their misery, or feel any compassion for
them, unless you believe what they say.

"5. Do not urge your melancholy friends to do what
is out of their power. They are like persons whose
bones are broken, and who are incapacitated for ac-
tion. Their disease is accompanied with perplexing
and tormenting thoughts; if you can innocently
divert them, you would do them a great kindness;
but do not urge them to any thing which requires
close and intense thinking; this will only increase
the disease. But you will ask, ought we not to urge
them to hear the word of God? I answer, if they are
so far gone in the disease as to be in continual, unre-
mitting anguish, they are not capable of hearing, on
account of the painful disorder of their minds. But
if their disorder is not come to such a distressing

56 THOUGHTS ON

height, you may kindly and gently persuade them to
attend on the preaching of the word; but beware of
using a peremptory and violent method. The method
pursued by Mr. Dod, whh Mrs. Drake, should be
imitated. 'The burden which overloaded her soul
was so great, that we never durst add any thereunto,
but fed her with all encouragements, she being too
apt to overcharge herself, and to despair upon any
addition of fuel to that fire which was inwardly con-
suming her. And so, wherever she went to hear,
notice was given to the minister officiating, that he
had such a hearer, and by this means she received no
discouragement from hearing.'

"6. Do not attribute the effects of mere disease to
the devil; although I do not deny that he has an agen-
cy in producing some diseases; especially, by harass-
ing and disturbing the mind to such a degree, that
the body suffers with it. But it is very unwise to as-
cribe every feeling and every word of tlie melancholy
man to Satan; whereas, many of these are as natu-
ral consequences of bodily disease, as the symptoms
of a fever, which the poor sufferer can no more avoid,
than the sick man can keep himself from sighing and
groaning. Many will say to such an one, 'Why do
you so pore over your case and thus gratify the
devil?' whereas, it is the very nature of the disease
to cause such fixed musings. You might as well say
to a man in a fever, 'Why are you not well, why will
you be sick?' Some, indeed, suppose, that the mel-
ancholy hug their disease, and are unwilling to give
it up, but you might as well suppose that a man
would be pleased with lying on a bed of thorns, or in
a fiery furnace. No doubt the devil knows how to
work on minds thus diseased, and that by shooting
his fiery darts, he endeavours to drive them to utter
despair. But if you persuade them that all which
they experience is from the devil, you may induce the
opinion in them, that they are actually possessed of
the evil one; which has been the unhappy condition
of some whose minds were disordered. I would not
have you to bring a railing accusation, even against

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 57

the devil, neither must you falsely accuse your friends
by saying that they gratify him.

"7. Do not express much surprise or wonder at any
thing which melancholy persons say or do. What
will not they say, wlioare in despair of God's mercy ?
What will not they do, who think themselves lost,
forever? You know that even such a man as Job
cursed his day, so that the Lord charged him * with
darkening counsel by words without knowledge.'
Do not v/onder that they give expression to bitter
complaints; the tongue will always be speaking of the
aching tooth. Their soul is sore vexed, and although
they get no good by complaining; yet they cannot but
complain, to find themselves in such a doleful case.
And they can say with David, 'I am weary with my
groaning: all the night make I my bed to swim,!
water my couch with my tears;' yet they cannot for-
bear to groan and weep more, until their very eyes
be consumed with grief. Let no sharp words of
theirs provoke you to talk sharply to them. Sick peo-
ple are apt to be peevish, and it would be a great
weakness in you, not to bear with them, when you
see that a long and sore disease has deprived them of
their former good temper.

" 8. Do not tell them any frightful stories, nor re-
count to them the sad disasters which have overtaken
others. Their hearts do already meditate terror, and
by every alarming thing of which they hear, they are
the more terrified, and their disordered imagination is
prepared to seize upon every frightful image which
is presented. The hearing of sad things always
causes them more violent agitations. Yet yon must
avoid merriment and levity in their presence, for this
would lead them to think that you have no sympa-
thy with them, nor concern for them. A mixture of
gravity and aff'ableness will best suit them; and, if I
might advise, I would counsel parents not to put their
children, who are naturally inclined to melancholy,
to learning, or to any employment, which requires
much study; lest they should at length be preyed
upon, by their own thoughts.

58 THOUGHTS ON

" 9. Do not, however, think it needless to talk with
them. But do not speak as if you thought their dis-
ease would be of long continuance; for this is the
prospect which appears most gloomy to the melan-
choly. Rather encourage them to hope for speedy
deliverance. Endeavour to revive their spirits by
declaring, that God can give them relief in a mo-
ment, and that he has often done so with others; that
he can quickly heal their disease, and cause his amia-
ble and reconciled face to shine upon them.

10. It will be useful to tell them of others, who
have been in the same state of suffering, and yet have
been delivered. It is, indeed, true, that they who are
depressed by such a load of grief, are with difficulty
persuaded, that any were ever in such a condition as
they are. They think themselves to be more wicked
than Cain or Judas, and view their own cases to be
entirely singular. It will, therefore, be important to
relate real cases of deliverance from similar distress
and darkness. Several such cases have been known
to me, as that of Mr. Rosewell, and also Mr. Porter,
both ministers of the gospel. The latter was six
years under the pressure of melancholy; yet both
these experienced complete deliverance, and after-
wards rejoiced in the light of God's countenance. I
myself, was near two years in great pain of body,
and greater pain of soul, and without any prospect
of peace or help; and yet God hath recovered me by
his sovereign grace and mercy. Mr. Robert Bruce,
minister in Edinburgh, was twenty years in terrors of
conscience, and yet delivered afterwards. And so, of
many others, who after a dark and stormy night,
were blessed with the cheerful light of returning day.
Mr. Fox, in his book of Martys, gives an account of
a certain Mr. Glover, who was worn and consumed
with inward trouble, for five years, so that he had no
comfort in his food, nor in his sleep, nor in any enjoy-
ment of life. He was so perplexed, as if he had been
in the deepest pit of hell, and yet this good servant
of God, after all these horrid temptations and buffet-
ings of Satan, was delivered from all his trouble, and

KELI6I0US EXPERIKNCE. 59

the effect was such a degree of mortification of sin,
that he appeared as one already in heaven.

"11. The next thing which yon are to do for your
melancholy friends, is to pray for them. As they have
not liglit and composure to pray for themselves, let
your eyes weep for them in secret, and there let your
souls melt in fervent holy prayers. You know that
none but God alone can help them. Mr. Peacock
said to Mr. Dod, and his other friends, 'Take not the
name of God in vain, by praying for such a repro-
bate.' Mr. Dod replied, ' If God stir up your friends
to pray for you, he will stir up himself to hear their
prayers.' You ought to consider that nothing but
prayer can do them good. It is an obstinate disease
that nothing else will overcome. Those who can
cure themselves by resorting to wine and company,
were never under this disease.

"12. Not only pray for them yourself, but engage
other Christian friends, also, to pray for them. When
many good people join their requests together, their
cry is more acceptable and prevalent. When the
church united in prayer for Peter, in chains, he was
soon delivered, and in the very time of their prayers.
All believers have, through Christ, a great interest in
heaven, and the Father is willing to grant what they
unitedly and importunately ask, in the name of his
dear Son. I myself have been greatly helped by the
prayers of others, and I heartily thank all those espe-
cially, who set apart particular days to remember
at a throne of grace, my distressed condition. Bless-
ed be God that he did not turn away his mercy from
me, nor turn a deaf ear to their supplications!

" 13. Put your poor, afflicted friends, in mind, con-
tinually, of the sovereign grace of God, in Jesus
Christ. Often impress on their minds, that He is
merciful and gracious; that as far as the heavens are
above the earth, so far are his thoughts above their
thoughts; his thoughts of mercy above their self-con-
demning, guilty thoughts. Teach them as much as
you can, to look unto God, by the great Mediator, for
grace and strength, and not too much to pore over

THOUGHTS ON

their own sonls, where there is so much darkness and
unbelief. And turn away their thoughts from the
decrees of God. Show them what great sinners God
has pardoned, and encourage them to beUeve and
to hope for mercy. When Mrs. Drake was in her
deplorable state of darkness, she would send a descrip-
tion of her case to distinguished ministers, concealing
her name, to know whether such a creature, without
faith, hope, or love to God or man — hard-hearted,
without natural affection, who had resisted and
abused all means, could have any hope of going to
heaven ? Their answer was, that such like, and much
worse, might, by the mercy of God, be received into
favour, converted and saved; which did much allay
her trouble. ' For,' said she, ' the fountain of all
my misery hath been, that I sought that in the law,
which I should have found in the gospel; and for that
in myself, which was only to be found in Christ.'
'From my own experience, I can testify,' says Rog-
ers, ' that the mild and gentle way of dealing with
such is the best.' "

A volume might be written on the subject of reli-
gious melancholy, and such a volume is much needed;
but it would be difficult to find a person qualified for
the undertaking. We have some books written by
pious casuists; and the subject is handled in medical
treatises on insanity; but, to do it justice, physiolo-
gical knowledge must be combined with an accurate
acquaintance with the experience of Christians. Bur-
ton's "Anatomy of Melancholy," is one of the
strangest books I ever read. For curious learning
and classical quotations, it cannot be surpassed. And
there is much originality of remark, and frequent
strokes of wit in the work, but very little valuable
information on the subject of which it treats. The
author seems to have been himself troubled with fits
of melancholy, and, enjoying much learned leisure,
amused his melancholy hours by searching after and
heaping up much learning, out of the common track.
The spiritual physician, who has the cure of diseased
souls, takes much less pains to inquire minutely and

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 61

exactly into the maladies of ?ns patients, than is ob-
servable in physicians of the body. I have often
admired the alacrity and perseverance with which
medical students attend upon anatomical and physio-
logical lectures; although often, the exhibitions are
extremely repulsive to oiu* natural feelings. The
patience and ingenuity, with which the men of this
profession make experiments are highly worthy of im-
itation. Many of our young preachers, when they go
forth on their important errand, are poorly qualified to
direct the doubting conscience, or to administer safe
consolation to those troubled in spirit. And in modern
preaching, there is little account made of the various
distressing cases of deep affliction under which many
serious persons are suffering. If we want counsel
on subjects of this kind, we mnst go back to the old
writers; but as there is now small demand for such
works, they are fast sinking into oblivion ; and their
place is not likely to be supplied by any works which
the prolific press now pours forth. It is, however, a
pleasing circumstance, that the writings of so many
of our old Eiiglisli divines have recently been reprint-
ed in London. Eat still many valuable treatises are
destined to oblivion. The only object which I have
in view, in introducing this subject, is to inquire,
what connexion there is between real experimental
religion and melancholy. And I must, in the first
place, endeavour to remove a prevalent prejudice,
that in all religious persons there is a strong tendency
to melancholy. Indeed, there are not a few who
confound these two things so completely, that they
have no other idea of becoming religious, than sink-
ing into a state of perpetual gloom. Such persons
as these are so far removed from all just views of the
nature of religion, that I shall not attempt, at pres-
ent, to correct their errors. There are others, who
entertain the opinion, that deep religious impressions
tend to produce that state of mind called melancholy;
and not only so, but they suppose that in many cases,
insanity is the consequence of highly raised religious
affections. The fact cannot be denied, that religion

62 - THOUGHTS ON

is often the subject which dwells on the minds of
both the melancholy and the insane. But, I am of
opinion, that we are here in danger of reversing the
order of nature, and putting the effect in the place of
the cause. Religion does not produce melancholy,
but melancholy turns the thoughts to religion. Per-
sons of a melancholy temperament seize on such
ideas as are most awful, and which furnish the great-
est opportunity of indulging in despondency and des-
pair. Sometimes, however, it is not religion which
occupies the minds and thoughts of the melancholy,
but their own health, which they imagine, without
reason, to be declining; or their estates, which they
apprehend to be wasting away, and abject poverty
and beggary stare them in the face. Not unfrequent-
ly this disease alienates the mind entirely from reli-
gion, and the unhappy victim of it refuses to attend
upon any religious duties, or to be present where
they are performed. Frequently it assumes the form
of mo7iomania, or a fixed misapprehension in regard
to some one thing. The celebrated and excellent
William Cowper laboured, for years, under one of
the most absurd hallucinations, respecting a single
point; and in that point, his belief — though invinci-
ble— was repugnant to the whole of his religious
creed. He imagined, that he had received from the
Almighty a command, at a certain time, when in a fit
of insanity, to kill iiimself; and as a punishment for
disobedience, he had forfeited a seat in paradise. And
so deep was this impression, that he would attend on
no religious worship, public or private; and yet at
this very time took a lively interest in the advance-
ment of Christ's kingdom; and his judgment was so
sound on other matters, that such men, as John New-
ton and Thomas Scott, were in the habit of consult-
ing with him on all difficult points. The case of this
man of piety and genius, was used by the enemies of
religion, and particularly by the enemies of Calvin-
ism, as an argument against the creed which he had
embraced; whereas his disease was at the worst, be-
fore he had experienced any thing of religion, or had

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 63

embraced the tenets of Calvin. And, let it be remem-
bered, that it was by turning his attention to the con-
solations of religion, that his excellent physician was
successful in restoring his mind to tranquilHty and
comfort; and the world will one day learn, that of
all the remedies for this malady, the pure doctrines of
grace are the most effectual to resuscitate the melan-
choly mind. This is, in fact, a bodily disease, by
which the mind is influenced and darkened. Thus
it was received by the ancient Greeks; for the term is
compounded of two Greek words which signify black
bile. How near they were to the trnth, in assigning
the physical cause which produces the disease, I leave
to others to determine. Casuists have often erred
egregiously, by referring all such cases to mental or
moral causes. It is probable, even when the disease
is brought on by strong impressions on the mind, that,
by these physical derangement occurs. To reason
with a man against the views which arise from mel-
ancholy, is commonly as inefficacious, as reasoning
against bodily pain! I have long made this a crite-
rion, to ascertain whether the dejection experienced
was owing to a physical cause; 'for, in that case,
argument though demonstrative, has no effect. Still
such persons should be aftectionately conversed with;
and their peculiar opinions and views should rarely
he contradicted. Cases often occur, in which there is
a mixture of moral and physical causes; and these
should be treated in reference to both sources of their
'affliction. Melancholy is sometimes hereditary, and
often constitutional. When such persons are relieved
for a while, they are apt to relapse into the same
state, as did William Co vvper. The late excellent and
venerable James Hall, D. D. of N. C, was of a mel-
ancholy temperament; and, after finishing his educa-
tion at Princeton, he fell into a gloomy dejection,
which interrupted his studies and labours for more
than a year. After his restoration, he laboured suc-
cessfully and comfortably in the ministry for many
years, even to old age; but at last was overtaken
again, and entirely overwhelmed by this terrible mal-

64 THOUGHTS ON

ady. Of all men, that I ever saw, he had the tender-
est sympathy with persons labouring imder religious
despondency. When on a journey, I have known
him to travel miles out of his way to converse with
a sufferer of this kind; and his manner was most
tender and affectionate in speaking to such.

I have remarked, that persons who gave no symp-
toms of this disease until the decline of life, have then
fallen under its power; owing to some change in the
constitution at that period, or some change in their
active pursuits. I recollect two cases of overwhelm-
ing melancholy in persons, who appeared in their for-
mer life, as remote from it as any that I ever knew.
The first was a man of extraordinary talents, and elo-
quence; bold and decisive in his temper, and fond of
company and good cheer. When about fifty-five or
six years of age, without any external cause to pro-
duce the effect, his spirits began to sink, and feelings
of melancholy to seize upon him. He avoided com-
pany, but I had frequent occasion to see him, and
sometimes he could be engaged in conversation, when
he would speak as judiciously as before; but he soon
reverted to his dark melancholy mood. On one oc-
casion he mentioned his case to me, and observed
with emphasis, that he had no power whatever to
resist the disease, and said he, with despair in his
countenance, " I shall soon be utterly overwhelmed."
And so it turned out, for the disease advanced until
it ended in the worst form of mania^ and soon termi-
nated his life. The other was the case of a gentle-
man who had held office in the American army, in the
revolutionary war. About the same age, or a little
later, he lost his cheerfulness, which had never been
interrupted before, and by degrees, sunk into a most
deplorable state of melancholy, which as in the for-
mer case, soon ended in death. In this case, the first
thing which 1 noticed, was, a morbid sensibility of
the moral sense, which filled him with remorse, for
acts, which had little or no moral turpitude attached
to them.

I would state then, as the result of all my observa-

KELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

tion, that religion, in its regular and rational exercise,
has no tendency to melancholy, or insanity, but the
contrary; and that, religion is the most effectual re-
medy for this disease, whatever be its cause. But
melancholy persons are very apt to seize on the dark
side of religion, as affording food for the morbid state
of their minds. True Christians, as being subject to
like diseases with others, may become melancholy; but
not in consequence of their piety: but in this melan-
choly condition, they are in a more comfortable, as
well as in a safer state, than others; they may relin-
quish all their hopes • but they cannot divest them-
selves of their pious feelings.

I have said nothing respecting the supposed ten-
dency of strong religious feelings to produce insanity,
for what has been said respecting melancholy is equally
applicable to this subject. Indeed, I am of opinion,
that melancholy is a species of insanity; and in its
worst form, the most appalling species; for, in most
cases, insane persons seem to have many enjoyments,
arising out of their strange misconceptioTis, but the
victim of melancholy is miserable; he is often suffer-
ing under the most horrible of all calamities, black
despair. When a child, I used to tremble when I
I read Bunyan's account, in his Pilgrim, of the man
shut up in the iron cage. And in the year 1791,
when I first visited the Pennsylvania Hospital, I saw
a man there who had arrived a few days before, said
to be in a religious melancholy, and to be in despair.
He had made frequent attempts on his own life, and
all instruments, by which he might accomplish that
direful purpose, were carefully removed. Having
never been accustomed to see insane persons, the
spectacle of so many, deprived of reason, made an
awful impression on my mind, but although some
were raving and blaspheming, in their cells, and
others confined in strait-jackets, the sight of no one so
affected me, as that of this man in despair. Although
near half a century has elapsed since I beheld his sor-
rowful countenance, there is still a vivid picture of it
in my imagination. We spoke to him, but he re-

THOUGHTS ON

turned no answer; except that he once raised his des-
pairing eyes; but immediately cast them down again.
Whether this man had been the subject of any re-
ligious impressions, I did not learn. But this one
thing, I must t&stify, that I never knew the most pun-
gent convictions of sin to terminate in insanity; and
as to the affections of love to God, and the hvely iiope
of everlasting life producing insanity, it is too absurd
for any one to beheve it. I do not dispute, however,
that enthusiasm may have a tendency to insanity;
and some people are so ignorant of the nature of true
religion as to confound it with enthusiasm. I will go
further and declare, that, after much thought on the
subject of enthusiam, I am unable to account for
the effects produced by it, in any other way, than by
supposing that it is a case of real insanity. Diseases
of this class are the more dangerous, because they are
manifestly contagious. The very looks and tones of
an enthusiast are felt to be powerful by every one;
and when the nervous system of any one is in a state
easily susceptible of emotions from such a cause,
the dominion of reason is overthrown, and wild ima-
gination and irregular emotion govern the infatuated
person, who readily embraces all the extravagant
opinions, and receives all the disturbing impressions
which belong to the party infected. Without a sup-
position such as the foregoing, how can you account
for the fact, that an educated man and popular
preacher, and a wife, intelligent and judicious above
most, having a family of beloved children, should
separate from each other; relinquish all the comforts
of domestic life, and a pleasant and promising con-
gregation, to connect themselves with a people who
are the extreme of all enthusiasts — the Shakers.? But
such facts have been witnessed in our own times, and
in no small numbers. In a town in New Hampshire,
the writer, when in the neighbourhood, was told of
the case of a young preacher, who visited the Shaker
settlement, out of curiosity, to see them dance, in
which exercise their principal worship consists: but,
while he stood and looked on, he was seized with the

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 67

same spirit, and began to shake and dance too; and
never returned, but remained in the society. But,
there being no demand for his learning or preaching
talents, whatever they might be — and he being an
able bodied man, they employed him in building
stone fences. This species of infatuation, which is
called enthusiasm, is apt to degenerate into bitterness
and malignity of spirit, towards all who do not em-
brace it, and then it is termed fanaticism. This spe-
cies of insanity, as I must be permitted to call it, dif-
fers from other kinds in that it is social, or affects
large numbers in the same way, and binds them to-
gether by the link of close fraternity. It agrees with
other kinds of monomania, in that the aberration of
mind relates to one subject, while the judgment may
be sound in other matters. No people know how to
manage their agricultural, horticultural, and mechani-
cal business more skilfully, and successfully than the
Shakers. And the newer sect of Mormonites, would
soon settle down to peaceable industry, if the people
would let them alone. This country promises to be
the theatre of all conceivable forms of enthusiasm and
fanaticism; and as long as these misguided people
pursue their own course, without disturbing other
people, they should be left to their own delusions, as
it relates to the civil power; but if any of them
should be impelled by their fanatical spirit, to disturb
the peace, they should be treated like other maniacs.
The causes of melancholy and insanity, whether
physical or moral, cannot easily be explored. The
physician will speak confidently about a lesion of the
brain, but when insane persons have been subjected
to a post-mortem examination, the brain very seldom
exhibits any appearance of derangement. The casu-
ist, on the other hand, thinks only of moral causes,
and attributes the disease to such of this class as are
known to have existed, or flees to hypothesis, which
will account for every thing. There is a remarkable
coincidence, however, which has fallen under my ob-
servation, between those who assign a moral and
those who assign a physical cause for melancholy

68 THOUGHTS ON

and madness, in regard to one point. Some forty or
fifty years ago, tiie writer, about the same time, read
Siiepard's "Sincere Convert," and Robe on "Reli-
gious Melancholy," and he noticed, that they both
ascribe the deep and fixed depression of spirits, fre-
quently met with, to a secret, criminal indulgence.
Well, in the statistics of several insane asylums and
penitentiaries which have been published recently,
the most of the cases of insanity are confidently as-
cribed to the same thing, as its physical cause. This
increasing evil is of such a nature that we cannot be
more explicit. Those who ought to know the facts,
will understand the reference. It must, after all, be
admitted that the claims of intemperance, in the use
of intoxicating drinks, to a deleterious influence on
the reason, stand in the foremost rank; but the mad-
ness produced by this cause is commonly of short du-
ration. I do not speak of that loss of reason which
is the immediate effect of alcohol on the brain; but of
that most tremendous form of madness called deliri-
um tremens. I have said that it was short, because
it is commonly the last struggle of the human consti-
tution, under the influence of a dreadful poison, which
has now consummated its work — and death soon
steps in and puts an end to the conflict.

After spending so much time in speaking of melan-
choly as a disease, I anticipate the thoughts of some
good people, who will be ready to say, what, is there
no such thing as spiritual desertion — times of dark-
ness and temptation, which are independent of the
bodily temperament? To which I answer, that I
fully believe there are many such cases; but they de-
serve a separate consideration, and do not fall within
the compass of my present design. The causes, symp-
toms, and cure of such spiritual maladies are faith-
fully delineated by many practical writers; and al-
though these cases are entirely distinct from melan-
choly, they assume, in many respects, similar symp-
toms, and, by the unskilful casuist, are confounded
with it. These two causes, as I have before intima-
ted, may often operate together, and produce a mixed

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. f)9

and very perplexed case, both for the bodily and
spiritual physician.

After all that has been said, the fact, with which we
commenced, is that religious exercises are very much
modified by the temperament; and in some cases, by
the idiosyncrasy of the individual. The liquor put
into an old cask, commonly receives a strong tincture
from the vessel. Old habits, although a new govern-
ing principle is introduced into the system, do not
yield at once; and propensities, apparently extin-
guished, are apt to revive, and give unexpected trou-
ble. It is a comfortable thought, that those bodies
cannot go with the saints to heaven, until they are
completely purified. What proportion of our present
feelings will be dropped with the body, we cannot
tell. How a disembodied spirit will perceive, feel,
and act, we shall soon know by consciousness; but,
if ever so many of the departed should return and at-
tempt to communicate to us their present mode of
existence, it would be all in vain ; the things, which
relate to such a state, are inconceivable, and unspeak-
able. What Paul saw in the third heaven he dare
not, or he could not communicate; but he did not
know whether he saw these wonderful things in the
body or out of the body. This was a thing known,
as he intimates, only to God.

CHAPTER V.

Effect of sympathy illustrated. — Cautions in relation to this subject —
A singular case in illustration.

The causes, already considered, which modify reli-
gious experience, relate to Christians as individuals:
but man is constitutionally a social being; and reli-
gion is a social thing; so that we cannot have a com-
plete view of this subject, without considering them
as they stand connected with others; and, especially,
as they are influenced by one another. There is a
mysterious bond, called sympathy, by which not only

THOUGHTS ON

human beings, but some species of animals are con-
nected. It is much easier, on this subject, to state
facts than to account for them. A man cannot go
into any company without being sensible of some
change in his feelings. Whatever passion agitates
those around him, he involuntarily participates in the
emotion; and the mere external expression of any
feeling, often produces the same expression in himself,
whether it be yawning, smiling, crying, or coughing,
and this must be effected by an assimilation of the
mind of the beholder, to tiie slate of mind which
produced the external act. The wilder and stronger
the passions which agitate others, the more are we
affected by them. This operation of mutual sympa-
thetic excitement, when many persons are brought
together under some agitating influence, produces a
streamof emotion which cannot easily be resisted; and
far above what any one of the crowd would have felt, if
the same cause had operated on him alone. Hence the
ungovernable fury of mobs, carrying desolation, and
often murder in their train; and yet the ring-leaders,
had they been alone, would have experienced no such
violence of passion; and hence the danger, in large
cities, of permitting multitudes of undisciplined peo-
ple to assemble promiscuously. A mob is an artifi-
cial body, pervaded by one spirit; by the power of
sympatliy; for which the French have an appropriate
phrase, esprit du corps. If there be any thing in
animal magnetism, which has of late made so much
noise, beside sheer imposture, it must be grafted on
this principle; for the extent to which human beings
may influence each other, by contact or proximity, in
certain excitable states of the nervous system, has
never been accurately ascertained. In those remark-
able bodily afiections, called ihe jerks, which appear-
ed in religious meetings some years ago, the nervous
irregularity was conmionly produced by the sight of
other persons thus affected; and if, in some instances,
without the sight, yet by having the imagination
strongly impressed by hearing of such things. It
is a fact, as undoubted as it is remarkable, that, as this

EEtlGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

bodily affection assumed a great variety of appear-
ances, in different places, nothing was more common,
than for a new species of the exercise, as it was called,
to be imported from another part of the country, by
one or a few individuals. This contagion of nervous
excitement is not unparalleled; for whole schools of
young ladies have been seized with spasmodic or epi-
leptic fits, in consequence of a single scholar being
taken with the disease. There are many authentic
facts ascertained in relation to this matter, which I
hope some person will collect and give to the public,
through the press. It will not be thought strange
then, that sympathy should have a powerful influence
in increasing and modifying the feelings wliich are
experienced m religious meeth)gs; nor is it desirable
that it should be otherwise. This principle, no doubt,
is liable to abuse, and when unduly excited, may be
attended with disagreeable and injurious effects, but
without it, how dull and uninteresting would social
worship be? When a whole assembly, in listening
to the same evangelical discourse, or praising God in
the same divine song, or sitting together around the
same sacramental table, are deeply affected, they form,
as it were, one body, and the whole mass is melted
down and amalgamated into one grand emotion.
They seem to have but one heart and one soul; and
as harmoniously as their voices mingle in the sacred
song of praise to the Redeemer, do their feelings amal-
gamate in one ascending volume, to wards heaven. The
preacher, who is privileged to address such an assem-
bly, seems to have before him one great body, having
many eyes, but one soul. Heiice we see the reason,
why a company thinly scattered over a large house,
always appears cold and uncomfortable; while the
same persons brought near together, in a small house,
have an entirely different appearance ; and also we
see why social meetings in private houses, are felt by
sincere Christians to be more profitable, often, than
the more solemn assemblies of the church. And,
upon the same principle, all worshippers feel more
animated when surrounded by a multitude. But, it

THOUGHTS ON

is in times of revival, or general awakening, that the
power of this principle manifests itself most evidently;
and it is no evidence of a spurious work, that the
sympathies of the people are much awakened, or that
many are led to seriousness by seeing others affected.
God often blesses this instinctive feeling in this very
way. But, is it not to be expected that, at such a
time, many will be affected by mere sympathy? And
will not such as are thus affected, be in great danger
of being deceived, by taking these tender emotions
of sympathy to be the exercises of true repentance,
especially, as they fall in with those convictions of
conscience, which all who hear the gospel experience?
Is it then judicious, by impassioned discourses, ad-
dressed to the sympathies of our nature, to raise this
class of feelings to a flame? or to devise measures^
by which the passions of the young and ignorant may
be excited to excess? That measures may be put
into operation, whicli have a mighty influence on a
whole assembly, is readily admitted; but are excite-
ments thus produced really useful ? They may bring
young people, who are diffident, to a decision, and as
it were, constrain them to range themselves on the
Lord's side, but the question which sticks with me, is,
does this really benefit the persons? In my judgment,
not at all, but the contrary. If they have the seed of
grace, though it may come forth slowly, yet this prin-
ciple will find its way to the light and air, and the
very slowness of its coming forward, may give it op-
portunity to strike its roots deep in the earth. If I
were to place myself on what is called an anxious
seat, or should kneel down before a whole congrega-
tion to be prayed for, I know that I should be strangely
agitated, but I do not believe that it would be of any
permanent utility. But if it should produce some
good effect, am I at liberty to resort to any thing in
the worship of God which I think will be useful.^ If
such things are lawful and useful, why not add other
circumstances to increase the effect ? Why not require
the penitent to appear in a white sheet, or to be clothed
in sackcloth, with ashes on his head? and these, re-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 73

member, are Scriptural signs of humiliation? And
on these principles, who can reasonably object to holy
water, to incense, and the use of pictures or images in
the worship of God. All these things come into the
church upon this same principle, of devising new mea-
sures to do good ; and if the anxious seat is so pow-
erful a means of grace, it may soon come to be reck-
oned among the sacraments of the church. The lan-
guage of experience is, that it is unsafe and unwise to
bring persons, who are imder religious impressions,
too much into public view. The seed of the word,
like the natural seed, does not vegetate well in the
sun. Be not too impatient to force into maturity the
plant of grace. Water it, cultivate it, but handle it
not with a rough hand. The opinion, entertained by
some good people, that all religion obtained in a revi-
val is suspicious, has no just foundation. At such
times, when the Spirit of God is really poured out,
the views and exercises of converts are commonly
more clear and satisfactory, than at other times, and
the process of conversion more speedy. But doubt-
less, there may be expected a considerable crop of
spurious conversions, and these may make the great-
est show; for the seed, on the stony grounds, seems to
have vegetated the quickest of any. And this is the
reason that, after all revivals, there is a sad declension
in the favourable appearances; because that vi^hich
has no root must soon wither. In looking back, after
a revival season, I have thought, how would matters
have been if none had come forward, but such as per-
severe and bring forth fruit. Perhaps things would
have gone on so quietly, that the good work would
not have been called a revival. But ministers cannot
prevent the impressions which arise merely from
sympathy — neither should they attempt it; but, when
they are about to gather the wheat into the garner,
they should faithfully winnow the heap; not that
they can discern the spirits of men, but the word of
God is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the
heart. The church is no place of safety for the un-
converted. Hundreds and thousands are shielded

74 THOUGHTS ON

from salutary convictions, by their profession and
situation in the church. Let ministers be " wise as
serpents," as well as " harmless as doves." " Be not
many masters, (StSaaxaTiot) knowing that ye shall re-
ceive the greater condemnation." "They watch for
souls as they that must give account," — awful ac-

count

From what has been said about the power of
sympathy, some may be ready to conclude, that all
experimental religion, and all revivals may be ac-
counted for, on this principle, without the necessity
of supposing any supernatural agency to exist; and
if no effects were produced but those excitements
which often mingle with religious exercises, this
would be no irrational conclusion. But under the
preaching of the gospel we find a permanent change
of moral character taking place: so great a change,
that, even in the view of the world who observe it,
the subject appears to be " a new man." An entire
revolution has taken place in his principles of action
as well as in his sentiments respecting divine things.
Now those who would ascribe all experimental re-
ligion to mere natural feelings, artificially excited,
must believe that there are no such transformations
of character as have been mentioned; and that all
who profess such a change are false pretenders. But
this ground is manifestly untenable; for no facts are
more certain than such reformations; and if there be
men of truth and sincerity in the world, they are to
be found among those who have undergone this
moral transformation. Surely there are no pheno-
mena now taking place in our world half so impor-
tant and worthy of consideration, as the repentance
of an habitual sinner; so that he utterly forsakes his
wicked courses, and takes dehght in the worship of
God and obedience to his will. Let it be remem-
bered, that these are effects observed only where the
gospel is preached, and in some instances, numerous
examples of such conversions from sin to holiness
occur about the same time, and in the same place.
No series of miracles could give stronger evidence of

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

the divine origin and power of the gospel, than the
actual and permanent reformation of wicked men;
and the skeptic may be challenged to account for
such effects on any natural principles. But it may
still be asked how the person who is the subject of
these new views and exercises, can know that they
are the effects of a supernatural agency? It is readily
admitted that we cannot be conscious of the agency
of another spirit on ours, because our consciousness
extends only to our own thoughts, .and often when
new feelings arise in our minds we are unable to
trace them to their proper cause. In this case, if we
had no revelation from God, we might not be able
with certainty to account for such effects; but in the
word of God we are distinctly and repeatedly in-
formed, that God by his Spirit will continue to ope-
rate on the minds of men, to turn them from iniquity,
and to cause them to engage with delight in his
service; and when we find these very effects taking
place, in connexion with the means appointed to pro-
duce them, we can have no doubt about their divine
origin; and our faith is confirmed in this doctrine
of divine agency by observing the wonderful change
produced by the preaching of the gospel upon the
most depraved and degraded of the heathen. The
transformation of character, in thousands of instances
now existing, is enough to produce conviction in any
mind, not rendered obdurate by the prejudices of infi-
delity. It may be objected, that, in many instances,
the change professed is not permanent, but temporary,
and they who appear saints to day, may be found
wallowing in the mire of iniquity, to morrow. These
are facts which we cannot gainsay; but we do deny
that they go to invalidate the argument from the ex-
amples of a permanent and thorough change which
do really take place. If there were only one real,
sound conversion, and reformation, in a hundred of
those who may be religiously impressed, still, the
conclusion in favour of a divine influence, would be
valid. In the spring we behold the trees clothed and
adorned with millions of blossoms, which never pro-

THOUGHTS ON

duce mature fruit; but when in autumn, we find here
and there, apples, large, sweet, and mellow, do we
hesitate to believe that this is a good tree which pro-
duces good fruit? For reasons already given, it
ought not to be expected that all serious impressions
should eventuate in a sound conversion. External
appearances may be the same to our view, where
the causes are entirely diverse. This is especially to
be expected when a great many are affected at once,
and meet in the same assembly. And if these tran-
sient appearances did not take place under the preach-
ing of the gospel, our Saviour's doctrine of the various
effects of the word would not be verified. Ministers
of the gospel cannot be blamed for these temporary
impressions; unless they use unauthorized means to
work upon the sympathies of their hearers. That,
through ignorance, vanity and enthusiastic ardour,
many preachers in our day, have attempted to pro-
duce such excitements, cannot be denied, and by the
true friends of vital piety, is greatly lamented. Per-
haps nothing has so much prejudiced the minds of
sensible men against experimental religion, as the ex-
travagance and violence of those factitious excite-
ments which have been promoted, in various places,
by measures artfully contrived to work upon the pas-
sions and imagination of weak and ignorant people.
And as the preacher must have his reward of glory
for his efforts, all this must be so brought out, that
their number may be counted and published to the
world. Alas! alas! poor human nature! 1 believe
that all respectable denominations, among us, are be-
coming more and more sensible, that something more
is requisite in the rninistry than fiery zeal. Some
who, within our remembrance, disparaged a learned
ministry, are now using noble exertions to erect semi-
naries, and encourage their young preachers to seek
to be learned. This is a matter of rejoicing, and
augurs well for the American Church hereafter. I
should be unwilling to bring before the public all the
scenes that I have witnessed under the name of re-
ligious worship. But as the subject of sympathy is

HELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 77

Still under consideration, I will relieve the reader by
a short narrative. Being in a part of the country
where I was known, by face, to scarcely any one, and
hearing iliat there was a great meeting in the neigh-
bourhood, and a good work in progress, I determined
to attend. Tlie sermon had commenced before I
arrived, and the house was so crowded that I could
not approach near to the pulpit, but sat down in a
kind of shed connected with the main building where
I could see and hear the preacher. His sermon was
really striking and impressive, and in language and
method, far above the common run of extempore dis-
courses. The people were generally attentive, and,
so far as I could observe, many were tenderly affected,
except that in tlie extreme part of the house, where I
sat, some old tobacco-planters kept up a continual
conversation in a low tone, about tobacco-plants,
seasons, &c. When the preacher came to the appli-
cation of his discourse he became exceedingly vehe-
ment and boisterous, and 1 could hear some soimds in
the centre of ilie house which indicated strong emo-
tion. At length, a female voice was heard, in a
piercing cry, which thrilled through me and affected
the wliole audience. It was succeeded by a low
murmuring sound from the middle of the house; but,
in a {'iy^ seconds, one and another arose in different
parts of the house, under extreme and visible agita-
tion, casting off bonnets and caps, and raising their
folded hands, they shouted to the utmost extent of
their voice; and in a {q^^ seconds more, the whole
audience was agitated, as a forest when shaken by a
mighty wind. The sympathetic wave, commencing
in the centre, extended to the extremities; and at
length it reached our corner, and I felt the conscious
effort of resistance as necessary as if I had been ex-
posed to the violence of a storm. I saw few persons
through the whole house who escaped the prevailing
influence; even careless boys seemed to be arrested
and to join in the general outcry. But, what aston-
ished me most of all was, that the old tobacco-planters,
whom I have mentioned, and who, I am persuaded,

THOUGHTS ON

had not heard one word of the sermon, were violently
agitated. Every muscle of their brawny faces ap-
peared to be in tremulous motion, and the big tears
chased one another down their wrinkled cheeks.
Here I saw the power of sympathy. The feeling
was real, and propagated from person to person by
the mere sounds which were uttered; for many of the
audience had not paid any attention to what was said;
but nearly all partook of the agitation. The feelings
expressed were different, as when the foundation of
the sacred temple was laid; for while some uttered
the cry of poignant anguish, others shouted in the
accents of joy and triumph. The speaker's voice
was soon silenced, and he sat down and gazed on the
scene with a complacent smile. When this tumult
had lasted a few minutes, another preacher, as I sup-
pose he was, who sat on the pulpit steps, with his
handkerchief spread over his head, began to sing a
soothing and yet lively tune, and was quickly joined
by some strong female voices near him; and in less
than two minutes the storm was hushed, and there
was a great calm. It was like pouring oil on the
troubled waters. I experienced the most sensible re-
lief to my own feelings from the appropriate music;
for I could not hear the words sung. But I could not
have supposed that anything could so quickly allay
such a storm; and all seemed to enjoy the tranquil-
lity which succeeded. The dishevelled hair was put
in order, and the bonnets, &c. gathered up, and the
irregularities of the dress adjusted, and no one seemed
conscious of any impropriety. Indeed, there is a pe-
culiar luxury in such excitements, especially when
tears are shed copiously, which was the case here.
But I attended another meeting in another place
where there had been a remarkable excitement, but
the tide was far on the ebb; and although we had
vociferation and outcrymg of a stunning kind, I did
not hear one sound indicative of real feeling, and I
do not think that one tear was shed during the
meetine.

KELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 79

CHAPTER VI.

Erroneous views of regeneration. — Tlio correct view. — The operation
of" faith. — Exercises of mind, as ilkistrated in President Edwards'
narrative. — The operations of faitli still further explained.

It is proper now to inquire, what are the precise
effects of regeneration, or the exercises of a newly
converted soul. . As the restoration of depraved man
to the image of God, lost by the fall, is the grand ob-
ject aimed at in the whole economy of salvation, it
can easily be said, in the general, that by this change
a principle of holiness is implanted, spiritual life is
communicated, the mind is enlightened, the will re-
newed, and the affections purified and elevated to
heavenly objects. Such general descriptions do not
afford full satisfaction to the inquiring mind; and
as we have taken into view many of those cu'cum-
stances which diversify the exercises of grace, in dif-
ferent subjects, let us now endeavour to ascertain, with
as nuich precision as we can, what are those things
which are essential to the genuineness of this work,
and which, therefore, will be found in every sincere
Christian. But in this attempt, great difficulty must
be met in conveying our ideas with precision. Even
those terms which are most used in the Holy Scrip-
tures, to designate the essential exercises of piety
are differently understood, and when used, convey
different ideas to different persons. I will endeavour,
however, to avoid this difficulty, as much as possible,
by defining the terms which I employ. I have all
along admitted, that the mode of the Spirit's opera-
tion, in regeneration, is altogether inscrutable: and an
attempt to explain it, is worse than folly. We may,
however, without intruding into things unseen, or at-
tempting to dive into the unsearchable nature of the
divine operations, say, that God operates on the hu-
man mind, in a way perfectly consistent with its na-
ture, as a spirit, and a creature of understanding and
will. On this principle some suppose, that there can

80 THOTJGHTS ON

be no other method of influencing a rational mind but
by the exhibition of truth, or tlie presentment of mo-
tives: any physical operation, they allege, would
be unsuitable. Their theory of regeneration, there-
fore, is, that it is produced by the moral operation of
the truth, contemplated by the understanding and in-
fluencing the affections and the will, according to the
known principles of our rational nature. Bui re-
specting what is necessary to bring the truth fairly
before the mind, the abettors of this theory, divide
into several parts. The Pelagian, believing human
nature to be uncontaminated, and needing nothing
but a correct knowledge of the truth, rejects all super-
natural aid, and maintains, that every man has full
ability to perform all good actions; and to reform
what is amiss by simply attending to the instructions
of the word, and exercising his own free will, by
which he is able to choose and pursue what course
he pleases. The semi-Pelagian agrees with the views
given, except in one particular. He believes that the
truth, if seriously contemplated, will produce the ef-
fects stated, but that mankind are so immersed in the
world of sensible objects, and so occupied and filled
with earthly thoughts and cares, that no man will, or
ever does contemplate the truth so impartially and
steadily, as to produce a change in his affections and
purposes, until he is influenced by the Holy Spirit;
and, according to him, the only need of divine
agency, in regeneration, is to direct and fix the atten-
tion on divine things. This being done, the truth, as
contained in the divine word, and as apprehended by
the natural understanding, is adequate to produce all
the desired effects on the active principles of our na-
ture. There is still a third party, who attribute regen-
eration to the simple operation of the truth on the
mind, whose views are neither Pelagian nor semi-Pe-
lagian. They hold, that the natural man cannot dis-
cern the things of the Spirit of God, and that if a man
should ever so long contemplate the truth with such
views as natural reason takes of it, it would never
transform him into the divine likeness: but that, by

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 81

the illumination of the Holy Spirit, the sinner must
obtain new, spiritual views of divine things, by which
he is renovated or regenerated: yet, these deny that
any operation on the mind itself is necessary, as they
allege that these spiritual views of truth will cer-
tainly draw after them the exercise of those affections,
in which holiness essentially consists. Now, in my
judgment, this theory is defective, only in one point,
and that is, it supposes the mind, which is already in
possession of doctrinal knowledge of the truth, to
have this same trutli presented to it in an entirely new
hght, without any operation on the soul itself. Just
as if a man was blind, but standing in the clear
shining of the sun's rays. These he feels, and can
talk philosophically about the sensation of light and
colours; while he has not in his mind the first simple
perception of any object of sight. Could this man be
made to perceive the visible objects around him,
without an operation on the eyes to remove the ob-
struction, or to rectify the organ? The case of the
soul is entirely analogous. Here is light enough, the
truth is viewed by the intellect of unregenerate man,
but has no transforming efficacy. The fault is not in
the truth, which is perfect, but the blindness is in the
mind, which can only be removed by an influence on
the soul itself; that is, by the power of God creating
"a new heart" to use the language of Scripture.
The apostle Paul was sent to the Gentiles " to open
their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light."
Two things are always necessary to distinct vision;
the medium of light, and a sound organ; either of
these without the other, would be useless; but com-
bined, the beauties of nature, and the glory of God in
the visible world, are seen with delight. It is so in
the spiritual world. The truth is necessary; but until
the mind is brought into a state in which it can per-
ceive it in its beauty and glory, it is heard, and read,
and contemplated, without any transforming effect —
without drawing the affections to God, or subduing
the power of selfish and sensual desires. The fault
being in the percipient being, there must be such an
exertion of divine power as will remove it, and this

THOUGHTS ON

is regeneration. Then, all the effects of the truth will
take place, as according to the former theory. But
I seem to hear the common objection, that if the
soul be the subject of any operation, this must be
physical, and what is this but to make man a mere
machine, or to deal with him as if he were a block?
I believe that a more ambiguous, unhappy word
could not be used than physical; the best way to get
clear of the mists which surround it, is to drop its use
altogether in this connexion. Indeed, it is a term
which properly belongs to another science — to natu-
ral philosophy. If the operation must have a name,
let it receive it from the nature of the effect produced;
this being spiritual, let it be called a spiritual opera-
tion; or, as the effect produced, is confessedly above
the powers of unassisted nature, let us call it super-
natural, which is the precise technical term, used by
the most accurate theologians. Can the Almighty,
who made the soul, operate upon it in no other way
than by a mechanical force? Cannot he restore its
lost power of spiritual perception and susceptibility of
holy feeling, without doing any violence to its free
and spiritual nature? But I shall be told, that there
neither is, nor can be, any moral or spiritual nature,
or disposition prior to volition, in the mind — for mo-
rality consists, essentially, in choice; and to suppose
morality to have any other existence, than in the
transient act, is an absurdity. If this be sovmd moral
philosophy, then my theory must fall. This is a
question not requiring or admitting of much reason-
ing. It is a subject for the intuitive judgment of the
moral faculty. If there are minds so constituted, that
they cannot conceive of permanent, latent dispositions
in the soul, both good and evil, I can do no more
than express my strong dissent from their opinion,
and appeal to the common sense of mankind.

Some of my most serious readers, I know, will ob-
ject to my theory of the mind's operations, in one
important particular. They are so far from thinking
that any illumination of the mind will produce holy
affections, that it is a radical principle in their philos-
ophy of religion, that light always increases or stirs

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 83

up the enmity of an unregenerate heart; that the
more unholy beings know of God, the more they
will hate him, as is supposed to be proved by the ex-
perience of thousands under conviction of sin; and
by the case of the devils who believe and tremble,
but never love. The difference between me and
these persons is not so great as at first view it seems.
Their error consists, if I am right, in making too
wide a severance between the understanding and the
will; between the intehect and the atiections. I am
ready to admit, that all the knowledge wliich you
can communicate to a man remaining unregenerate,
may have the tendency of incr€?cising or stirring up
his enmity to God and his law; but, observe, tiiat I
make illumination the first effect of regeneration.
And I hold that no unregenerate man is, while in
that state, any more capable of spiritual perception
than a blind man is of a perception of colours. Tfie
blind man, however, has his own ideas about colours,
and may understand their various relations to each
other, and all the laws which regulate the reflexion
and refraction of light as well as those who see.
This was remarkably exemplified in the case of Dr.
Sanderson, who, though blind from his early infancy,
delivered an accurate course of lectures, on light and
colours, in the University of Oxford. Just so, an un-
regenerate man may be able to deliver able lectures
on all the points in theology, and yet not have one
glimpse of the beauty and glory of the truth, with
which he is conversant. The Sacred Scriptures re-
present all unconverted men, as destitute of the true
knowledge of God. If there be a clear truth in the
laws of mental operation, it is, that the allections are
in exact accordance with the views of the under-
standing. If men are unafljected with the truth
known, it must be because they do not know it
aright: neither can they perceive it in its true nature
until they are regenerated. Did any man ever see
an object to be lovely and not feel an emotion cor-
responding with that quality? And what unconvert-
ed man ever beheld in Christ, as represented in Scrip-

THOUGHTS ON

ture, the beauty and glory of God? Hence thatdoc-
trine is not true, which confines depravity or hoHness
to the will; and which considers the understanding
as a natural and the will a moral faculty. The soul
is not depraved, or holy by departments; the disease
affects it, as a soul; and of course, all faculties em-
ployed in moral exercises, must partake of their moral
qualities. There is, however, no propriety in calling
either of them a moral faculty; for although both
understanding and will are concerned in every moral
act; yet not one hundredth part of the acts of either
partakes of a moral nature. The will is just as much
a natural faculty as The understanding; and the un-
derstanding is as much a moral faculty as the will.
But in strict propriety of speech, the only faculty
which deserves to be called a moral faculty is con-
science; because, by it only are we capable of moral
perceptions or feelings.

I am afraid that I have gone too far into abstruse
distinctions, for most of my readers; but there are
thousands of plain, private Christians, in our country,
who can, not only enter into such disquisitions, but
will relish them.

I come now to what I intended when I began this
subject, to describe as exactly as I can, what are the
exercises of the new heart, or the regenerate man.
And here my appeal is to no theories, but to experi-
ence, combined with the word of God. Every man,
on whom this divine operation has passed, experi-
ences neiu views of divine truth. The soul sees that,
in these things, which it never saw before. It dis-
cerns, in the truths of God, a beauty and excellence,
of which it had no conception until now. Whatever
may be the diversity in the clearness of the views of
different persons, or in the particular truths brought
before the mind, they all agree in this, that there is a
new perception of truth; whether you ascribe it to
the head or the heart, I care not. It is a blessed re-
ality, and there are many witnesses of sound mind,
and unquestionable veracity, who are ready to attest
it as a verity, known in their own delightful experi-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

ence. But, as the field of truth is very wide, and
divine things may be perceived under innumerable
aspects and relations, and as there is no uniformity in
the particular objects wliich may first occupy the at-
tention of the enlightened mind, it is impossible to lay
down any particular order of exercises which take
place. The case may be illustrated by supposing a
great multitude of blind persons restored to sight by
an act of divine power. Some of them would be so
situated, that the first object seen would be the glori-
ous luminary of day; another might receive the gift
of sight in the night, and the moon and stars would
absorb his wondering attention; a third might direct
his opened eyes to a beautiful landscape; and a
fourth might have but a ray of light shining into a
dark dungeon without his knowing whence it came.
Of necessity, there must be the same endless variety
in the particular views of new converts; but still they
all partake of new views of divine truth; and the
same truths will generally be contemplated, sooner
or later; but not in the same order, nor exhibited to
all with the same degree of clearness. Now, accord-
ing to the views which I entertain, this spiritual
knowledge granted to the regenerated soul is nothing
else but saving faith; for knowledge and belief in-
volve each other. To know a thing and not believe
it is a contradiction; and to believe a thing and not
know it is impossible. Faith is simply a belief of
the truth, when viewed as distinct, and discriminated
from all other mental acts. Some will be startled at
this nakedness of faith; and many will be ready to
object, that it is to make faith to be no more than a
bare assent of the understanding to the truth: well,
if it be uniformly accompanied by all holy aftections
and emotions what is the diiference? But I deny that
as described, it is a naked assent of the understand-
ing, as those words are commonly understood. The
wide distinction between the understanding and will,
which has very much confounded our mental philo-
sophy, has come down to us from the schoolmen.
But in making the distinction, they made simple

THOUGHTS ON

verity, the object of the understanding. And that is
what we commonly mean by bare assent; it relates
to the simple truth; but the will, has respect, they
said, to good — every species of good. Now the faith
of which I have spoken, at the same time contem-
plates the truth, and the beauty, excellency, and good-
ness of the object, and also its adaptedness to our
necessities: all these things are comprehended in the
views which the Holy Spirit gives to the mind.
Therefore, though faith be a simple uncompounded
act, a firm belief, or persuasion, it comprehends the
objects ascribed both to the understanding and will.
Here I shall be met by a definition of faith, which
makes the act simple also, but considers that act to
be trust or confidence. This the reader will remem-
ber is Dr. D wight's definition of Faith. And the
only objection to it, is, that it is too narrow to com-
prehend all that belongs to the subject. Trust is no-
thing else than the firm belief or persuasion of the
truth of a promise. When we say that we trust, or
have confidence in a person, it relates to some pro-
mise. This definition comprehends all acts of faith,
which have a promise of God for their object, and
these are certainly the most important acts, and ac-
companied with the most sensible emotions. But all
divine truth is not in the form of a promise. The
whole word of God is the proper object of a true
faith; and a large part of divine revelation is taken
up with histories, prophecies, doctrines, and precepts.
The Christian believes all these, as well as the pro-
mises.

Here faith is the first act of the regenerated soul;
and the most important act, for it draws all holy
affections and emotions in its train. But though it
sweetly mingles with every other grace, it is distinct
from them all. All its diversified acts arise from the
nature of the truths believed, and men may enumer-
ate and name as many of these acts as they please;
still the nature of faith remains simple. It is a firm
persuasion or belief of the truth, apprehended under
the illumination of the Holy Spirit. It necessarily

KELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

works by love and purifies the heart, for divine things
thus discerned, cannot but excite the affections to holy-
objects, by wiiich sinful desires and appetites will be
subdued; and when we are persuaded of the truth of
God's gracious promises, there will always be a sweet
repose of soul because the promises contain the very
blessings which we need; and to be assured that there
are such blessings for all who will receive them, and
especially if the soul is conscious that it is exercising
faith, will produce sweet consolation — " There is joy
and peace in believing."

According to the view of faith now given, there is
nothing mysterious about it. To believe in divine
truth is an act of the mind, precisely the same as to
believe in other truth; and the difference between a
saving faith and a historical or merely speculative
faith, consists not in the truths believed: for in both
they are the same; nor in the degree of assent given
to the proposition, but in the evidence on which they
are respectively founded. A saving faith is produced
by the manifestation of the truth, in its true nature to
the mind, which now apprehends it, according to the
degree of faith, in its spiritual qualities, its beauty,
and glory, and sweetness; whereas a historical or
speculative faith may rest on the prejudices of edu-
cation, or the deductions of reason; but in its exer-
cise, there is no conception of the true qualities of
divine things. The humblest, weakest believer pos-
sesses a knowledge of God, hidden from the wisest
of enlightened men. According to that saying of
Christ, " I thank thee, 0 Father, Lord of heaven and
earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise
and prudent, and has revealed them to babes."

On the subject of experimental religion our depen-
dence must not be on the theories of men, but on the
unerring word of God, and on the facts which have
been observed in the experience of true Christians.
In the exercises of new converts there is, in some res-
pects, a remarkable similarity, and in others a remark-
able variety. All are convinced of sin, not only of
life but of heart. All are brought to acknowledge

THOUGHTS ON

the justice of God, in their condemnation, and to feel
that tliey might be left to perish, without any dero-
gation from the perfections of God; and that they
have no abihty to bring God under any obhgations to
save them, by their prayers, tears, or other rehgious
duties. All true Christians, moreover, love the truth
which has been revealed to their minds, and are led
to trust in Christ alone for salvation; and they all
hunger and thirst after righteousness, and resolve to
devote themselves to the service of God, and prefer
his glory above their chief joy. But, beside those
varieties already described, as arising from several
causes, there is often much difference in their exerci-
ses, arising from the particular truths which they are
led to contemplate when their eyes are first opened.
I do not mean to go over the ground which we have
already passed, otherwise than by astatement of facts
from authentic sources, which may serve to corrobor-
ate and illustrate the statements already given. Per-
haps no man, who has lived in modern times, has had
a better opportunity to form an accurate judgment of
facts of this kind, than President Edwards; and few
men, who ever lived, were better qualified to discrim-
inate between true and false religion. It is a thing
much to be prized, that this great and good man has
left a record of that most remarkable revival which
took place in Northampton, New England, in the year
1734 and onwards. This narrative was written soon
afterwards, and was communicated to Dr. Watts and
Dr. Guyse, who tmited in a preface which accompa-
nied the narrative, when published in London. In
this account, carefully drawn up, we have a satisfac-
tory account of the exercises of the subjects of the
work, with the varieties which were observed in the
experience of different persons. The leading facts
have here been selected from the narrative, so as to
occupy the least possible room. To any, who take
an interest in this subject, these facts cannot but be
gratifying; and however the narrative may have been
perused by some, yet it will not be disagreeable to
them to have some of the prominent traits of the

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 89

religions exercises, at that time, presented to them in
a condensed form. Mr. Edwards informs us, '• that
there was scarcely a single person in the town, old or
young, left unconcerned about the great things of the
eternal world;" and although lie does not pretend to
know the precise number of converts, he is of opinion
that it could not be less, in a judgment of charity,
than three hundred. Our object is not to abridge the
narrative, but merely to select the account of the vari-
ety of exercises experienced, as there given. "There
is a great variety," says he, "as to the degree of
trouble and fear, that persons are exercised with, be-
fore they attain any comfortable evidence of pardon
and acceptance with God. Some are from the begin-
ning carried on with abundantly more hope and en-
couragement than others. Some have had ten times
less trouble than others, in whom the work yet ap-
pears the same in the issue The awful apprehen-
sions persons have had of their misery have, for the
most part, been increasing, the nearer they have ap-
proached to deliverance. Sometimes they think them-
selves wholly senseless, and fear that the Spirit of God
has left tliem, and that they are given up to judicial
hardness, yet they appear very deeply exercised with
that fear, and in great earnestness to obtain conviction
again. Many times, persons under great awakenings
were concerned because they thought they were not
awakened, but miserably hard-hearted, senseless, sot-
tish creatures still, and sleeping on the brink of hell

Persons are sometimes brought to the borders of des-
pair, and it looks as black as midnight to them, a
little before the day dawns on their souls. The de-
pravity of the heart has discovered itself in various
exercises, in the time of legal convictions. Some-
times it appears as in a great struggle, like something
roused by an enemy. Many, in such circumstances,
have felt a great spirit of envy towards the godly; es-
pecially towards those thought to have been recently
converted. As they are gradually more and more
convinced of the corruption and wickedness of their
hearts, they seem to themselves to grow worse and

THOUGHTS ON

worse, harder and blinder, more desperately wicked

instead of growing better When awakenings first

begin, their consciences are commonly more exercised
about tlieir outward vicious courses, but afterwards
are much more burdened with a sense of heart sins,
the dreadful corruption of their nature, their enmity
against God, the pride of their hearts, their unbelief,
their rejection of Christ, the stubbornness of their will,

and the like Very often, under first awakenings,

they set themselves to walk more strictly, confess
their sins, and perform many religious duties, with a
secret hope of appeasing God's anger. And some-
times, at first setting out, their affections are so moved,
that they are full of tears, in their confessions and
prayers, which they are ready to make much of, as
if they were some atonement, and conceive that they
grow better apace, and shall soon be converted; but
their affections and hopes are short-lived, for they
quickly find that they fail, and then they think them-
selves to be grown worse again. When they reflect
on the wicked working of their hearts against God,
they have more distressing apprehensions of his anger,
and have great fears that God will never show mercy
to them; or perhaps, that they have committed the
unpardonable sin, and are often tempted to leave off

in despair When they begin to seek salvation,

they are commonly profoundly ignorant of themselves.
They are not sensible how blind they are, and how
little they can do, to bring themselves to see spiritual
things aright, and towards putting forth gracious ex-
ercises in their own souls. When they see unexpect-
ed pollution in themselves, they go about to wash
their own defilements and make themselves clean;
and they weary themselves in vain, till God shows
them that it is in vain; and that their help is not
•where they have sought it. But some persons con-
tinue to wander in such a labyrinth ten times as long
as others, before their own experience will convince
thera of their own insufficiency — so that it is not their
own experience at last, that convinces them, but the
Spirit of God. There have been some who have

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 91

not had great terrors, but yet have had a very quick
work. Some, who have not had very deep convic-
tions before their conversion, have much more of it
afterwards. God has appeared far from limiting
himself to any certain method, in his proceedings with
sinners, under legal convictions. There is in nothing
a greater difference in different persons, than with
respect to the time of their being under trouble:
some, but a few days, and others for months and
years. As to those in whom legal convictions seem
to have a saving issue, the first thing that appears
after their trouble, is a conviction of the justice of God
in their condemnation, from a sense of their exceeding
sinfulness. Commonly, their minds, immadiately be-
fore the discovery of God's justice, are exceedingly
restless — in a kind of struggle or tumult; and some-
limes in mere anguish; but commonly, as soon as
they have this conviction, it immediately brings their
minds to a calm and unexpected quietness and com-
posure; and most frequently, then, though not always,
the pressing weight upon their spirits is taken off; or
a general hope arises, that some time God will be
gracious, even before any distinct, particular discove-
ries of n)ercy. Conmionly, they come to a conclusion,

that they will lie at God's feet and loait his time

That calm of spirit which succeeds legal conviction,
in some instances, continues some time before any
special and delightful manifestation is made to the
soul, of the grace of God, as revealed in the gospel.
But, very often some comfortable and sweet views of
a merciful God, of a sufhcient Redeemer, or of some
great and joyful things of the Gospel, immediately
follows, or in a very little time. And in some, the
first sight of their desert of hell, of God's sovereignty
in regard to their salvation, and a discovery of all-
sufficient grace, are so near, that they seem to go to-
gether. The gracious discoveries, whence the first
special comforts are derived, are, in many respects,
very various. More frequently, Christ is distinctly
made the object of the mind, in his all-sufficiency and
willingness to save sinners; but some have their

THOUGHTS ON

thoughts more especially fixed on God, in some of
his sweet and glorious attributes, manifested in the
Gospel and shining forth of Jesus Christ. Some view
the all-sufliciency of the grace of God — some chiefly,
the iiifiniie power of God and his ability to save them,
and to do all things for them — and some look most to
the truth and faithfulness of God. In some, the truth
and certainty of the Gospel, in general, is the first
joyful discovery they have: in others, the certain
proof of some particular promise. In some, the grace
and sincerity of God, in his invitations, very com-
monly, in some particular invitation, is before the
mind. Some are struck with the glory and wonder-
fulness of the dying love of Christ; and others v/ith
the sufficiency of his blood, as offered to make an
atonement for sin; and others again, with the value
and glory of his obedience and righteousness. In
many, the excellency and loveliness of Christ chiefly
engage their thoughts, while in some, his divinity;
being filled with the idea, that He is indeed the Son
of the living God; and in others, the excellency of
the way of salvation by Christ, and the suitableness

of it to their necessities There is often in the mind,

some particular text of Scripture, holding forth some
particular ground of consolation; at other times, a
multitude of texts, gracious invitations, and promises,
flowing in one after another, filling the soul more and
more with comfort and satisfaction. Comfort is first
given to some while reading some portion of Scrip-
ture; but in others, it is attended with no particular
Scripture at all. In some instances, many divine
things seem to be discovered to the soul at once; while
others have their minds fixed on some one thing; and
afterwards a sense of others is given; in some, with
a slower, in others, a swifter succession.

" It must be confessed, that Christ is not always
distinctly and explicitly thought of in the first sensible
act of grace — though most commonly he is — but some-
times he is the object of the mind only implicitly.
Thus when persons have evidently appeared stripped
of their own righteousness, and have stood condemn-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

ed, as guilty of death, they have been comforted with
a joyful and satisfactory evidence, that the mercy
and grace of God is sufficient for them — that their
sins, though never so great, shall be no hindrance to
their being accepted — that there is mercy enough in
God for the whole world, &c. — while they give no ac-
count of any particular or distinct thought of Christ;
but yet it appears, that the revelation of mercy, in the
gospel, is the ground of their encouragement and
hope, yet such persons afterwards obtain distinct and
clear discoveries of Christ, accompanied with lively
and special actings of faith and love towards him.
Frequently, when persons have had the gospel ground
of relief opened to them, and have been entertaining
their minds with the sweet prospect, they have thought
nothing at that time of their being converted. The
view is joyful to them as it is in its own nature glori-
ous; gives them quite new and delightful ideas of
God and Christ, and greatly encourages them to seek
conversion, and begets in them a strong resolution to
devote themselves to God and his Son. There is
wrought in them a holy repose of soul in God through
Christ, with a secret disposition to fear and love him,
and to hope for blessings from him in this way, yet
they have no conception that they are nowconverted;
it does not so much as come into their minds. They
know not that the sweet complacence they feel in the
mercy and complete salvation of God, as it includes
pardon and sanctification, and is held forth to them
through Christ, is a true receiving of this mercy, or a
plain evidence of their receiving it. Many continue
a long time in a course of gracious exercises and ex-
periences, and do not think themselves to be convert-
ed, but conclude otherwise; and none knows how
long they would continue so, were they not helped
by particular instructions. There are undoubted in-
stances of some who lived in this way for many years
together. Those who, while under legal convictions,
have had the greatest terrors, have not always ob-
tained the greatest light and comfort; nor has the
light always been most speedily communicated; but

THOUGHTS ON

yet I think the time of conversion has been most sen-
sible in such persons. Converting influences com-
monly bring an extraordinary conviction of the cer-
tainty and reality of the great things of religion;
thougli in some, this is much greater, sometime after
conversion, than at first."

The religious exercises, contained in the preceding
statement, will not be new to those who have been at
all conversant with revivals. Such will recognise, in
the account, what they have observed, and will be
gratified to find the same facts which they have ob
served, recorded and published by such a master in
Israel. Almost the only remark which I feel disposed
to make, is, that it is too commonly supposed that the
time of receiving comfort, is always the time of re-
generation; whereas, this might rather be termed the
time of conversion; for then the exercises of the re-
newed soul came to a crisis, and faith, which was
before weak and obscure, shines forth with vigour.
Perhaps it is the prevalent opinion among orthodox
writers, that the first views of the renovated soul are
views of Christ; and when mere legal convictions are
immediately followed by such views and their attend-
ant consolations, this opinion may be correct; but in
many cases, it is reasonable to believe, that the con-
victions experienced are those of the true penitent.
And as, in almost aii cases here recorded and observ-
ed by others, there is a distinct view and approbation
of God's justice in the condemnation of the sinner, I
cannot but think, agreeably to what was stated in a
former number, that the soul has passed from death
unto life, before these feelings are experienced ; and
and that may help to account for the remarkable calm
which now succeeds the dark and stormy night. This
revelation of Jesus Christ in the believer, may be
compared to the birth of a child into the light of this
world; but its conception was long before. And so
this interesting point in experience is the new birth,
but the principle of spiritual life commonly exists be-
fore. Besides, comfort is no sure evidence of a genu-
ine birth; some who become strong men in the Lord

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 95

are born in sorrow, like Benoni. They weep before
they are able to smile-, but, in the spiritual birth, joy
and sorrow often sweetly mingle their streams.

There are two reasons why faith, though one of
the simplest exercises of the mind, is represented as
having so many different acts; the one is, the great
variety in the truths believed; and the other, that,
commonly, various exercises are included in the ac-
count of ftiith, which do always accompany or follow
a true faith, but do not appertain to its essence. As
faith has all revealed truth for its object, the feelings
produced in the mind correspond with the particular
nature of the truth which is, at any time, in the con-
templation of the mind. If, to the soul under the
illumination of the Holy Spirit, the law is viewed in
its spirituality and moral excellence, while there will
be experienced an approbation of the will of God
thus expressed, yet a lively sense of the sinfulness of
our hearts and lives, must be the predominant feel-
ing. This discovery of the purity of the law, and
deep feeling of the evil of sin, commonly precedes
any clear view of Christ, and the plan of salvation;
and has given rise to the prevalent opinion, that re-
pentance goes before faith in the natural order of
pious exercises. But, according to our idea of faith,
as given above, it must necessarily precede and be
the cause of every other gracious exercise. Com-
monly, indeed, when we speak of faith, we describe
its maturity; but there are often many obscure but
real acts of faith, before the soul apprehends the ful-
ness, and excellency, and suitableness of Christ. And
in many cases, when some view of the plan of salva-
tion is obtained, the single truth believed is, the ability
of Christ to save; and even the full persuasion of this
gives rise to joy, when the soul has been long cast
down with gloomy forebodings of everlasting misery,
and with the apprehension that, for such a sinner,
there was no salvation. As faith does no more than
bring the truth before the mind in its true nature,
every act of faith must, of course, be characterized by
the qualities of the truth thus presented, and by its

96 THOUGHTS ON

adaptation to the circumstances and convictions of
the sinner. All those acts of faith which bring the
extent and spirituality of the law of God fully into
view must be accompanied with painful emotions, on
account of the deep conviction of disconformity to
that perfect rule which cannot but be experienced,
when that object is before the mind. But all those
invitations, promises, and declarations which exhibit
a Saviour, and the method of recovery, when truly
believed, under a just apprehension of their nature,
must be accompanied, not only with love, but joy,
and hope, and a free consent to be saved in God's
appointed way; and when the previous distress and
discouragement have been great, and the views of
gospel truth clear, the joy is overflowing, and as long
as these views are unclouded, peace flows like a
river. But even in the discoveries which faith makes
of Christ, there is a great variety in the extent and
combination of divine truth which comes before the
mind at any one time. Probably no two persons, in
believing, have precisely the same truths in all their
relations, presented to them; and not only so, but it
is hardly credible, that the same believer, in his vari-
ous contemplations of divine truth, takes in exactly
the same field of view at difl'erent times. Hence it
appears, that the whole power of faith is derived from
the importance, excellence, amiableness, and suitable-
ness of the truths believed. And when faith is " im-
puted for righteousness," it is not the simple act of
faith which forms a righteousness. If any exercise
of the renewed mind could constitute a righteousness,
it would be love — which according to its strength, is
"the fulfilling of the law;" but when the soul by
faith is fully persuaded that Christ is the end of the
law for righteousness; this righteousness of the Surety,
when received by faith, is imputed ; and by this alone,
which is perfect, can God be just in justifying the
ungodly. " Faith thus receiving and resting on Christ
and his righteousness, is the alone instrument of jus-
tification; yet is not alone in the person justified,
but is ever accompanied with all other saving graces,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

and is no dead faith: but worketh by love.'* "By
this faith, a Christian beheveth to be true, whatsoever
is revealed in the word, for the authority of God hun-
self speaking therein; and acteth differently, upon that
which each particular passage thereof containeth;
yielding obedience to the commands, trembling at the
threatenings, and embracing the promises of God for
this life, and that which is to come. But the prmci-
pal acts of faith are, accepting and resting upon Christ
alone for justification, sanctification, and eternal hfe,
by virtue of the covenant of grace." This quotation,
taken from a formulary, known to many of my read-
ers, contains as just and comprehensive a view of the
nature of a saving faith as could be given in words.

But another reason why so many divine acts are
attributed to faith is, because other exercises are in-
cluded in the description of faith, which though they
always accompany it, ought not to be confounded
with it. It was, two hundred years ago, a question
much agitated among the divines of Holland, whether
love or charity entered into the essence of faith? And
in our own country, faith and love have not been
kept distinct. A very prevalent system of theology
makes the essence of faith to be love. Much evil
arises from confounding what are so clearly distin-
guished in the word of God. If faith and love were
identical, how could it be said that "faith works by
love?" The apostle Paul speaks of fauli, hope, and
charity, or love, as so distinct, that, although they are
all necessary, they may be compared, as to excel-
lency— " The greatest of these is charily." The cele-
brated Witsius, in his "Economy of the Covenants,"
in describing faith, among the various acts which he
attributes to this divine principle, reckons "love of
the truth," and " hungering and thirsting after Christ."
Now, it is an abuse of language to say that faith loves
or desires; faith works by love, and excites hungering
and thirsting desires after Christ.. But, it may be asked,
if these graces are inseparably connected, why be so
solicitous to distinguish them? First, because in so
doing, we follow the sacred writers; secondly, be-

THOUGHTS ON

cause it has a bad effect to use a Scriptural word to
express what it was never designed to express; and,
thirdly, because of the special office of faith in a sin-
ner's justification; in which neither love, nor any-
other grace has any part, although they are the effects
of faith. When love is confounded with a justifying
faith, it is very easy to slide into the opinion that as
love is the substance of evangelical obedience, when
we are said to be justified by faith, the meaning is,
that we are justified by our own obedience. And
accordingly, in a certain system of divinity, valued
by many, in this country, the matter is thus stated:
faith is considered a comprehensive term for all
evangelical obedience. The next step is — and it has
already been taken by some — that our obedience is
meritorious, and when its defects are purged by aton-
ing blood, it is sufficient to procure for us a title to
eternal life. Thus have some, boasting of the name
of Protestants, worked around, until they have fallen
upon one of the most offensive tenets of Popery. But,
it would be difficult to bring a true penitent to enter-
tain the opinion, that his own works were meritori-
ous, or could, in the least, recommend him to God.
The whole of God's dealings with the souls of his
own people effectually dispels from their minds every
feeling of this kind. The very idea of claiming merit
is most abhorrent to their feelings.

But while it is of importance to distinguish faith
from every other grace, yet it is necessary to insist
on the fact, that that faith, which does not produce
love and other holy affections, is not a genuine faith.
In the apostles' days, a set of libertines arose, who
boasted of their faith, but they performed no good
works to evince the truth of their faith. Against
such the apostle James writes, and proves that such
a faith was no better than that of devils, and would
justify no man; that the faith of Abraham and other
believers, which did justify, was not a dead faith, but
living; not a barren faith, but productive of good
works, and proved itself to be genuine by the acts
of duty which it induced the believer to perform.

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 99

While then faith stands foremost in the order of gra-
cious exercises, because it is necessary to the exist-
ence of every other, love may be said to be the cen-
tre, around which all the virtues of the Christian re-
volve, and from which they derive their nature.
Love, of some kind, is familiar to the experience of
all persons; and all love is attended with some plea-
sure in its exercise; but it varies on account of the
ditference of the objects of affection. Divine love is
itself a delightful and soul-satisfying exercise. The
soul which has tasted the goodness of God, is con-
vinced, that nothing more is necessary to complete
felicity, than the perfection of love. This supposes,
however, that our love to God is ever accompanied
with some sense of his love to us. Love, unless reci-
procated, would not fill up the cup of human happi-
ness. But to love, and be beloved, this is heaven.
And "we love Him because he first loved us." In
the first exercises of a renewed mind, love to God
and man are both brought into action; but often the
prospect of deliverance from eternal misery which
threatened, may absorb the attention. It is indeed a
marvellous deliverance, to be snatched from the verge
of hell, and assured of everlasting life; what a tumult
of feeling must it create? But notwithstanding this,
it frequently happens, that in the first discoveries of
the plan of salvation, the soul loses sight of its own
interest, and is completely occupied in contemplating
and admiring the wisdom, love, and justice of God,
as exhibited in the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Indeed, the believer, when these spiritual discoveries
are afforded, thinks nothing of the nature of those
acts which he is exercising; and it may not be till
long afterwards, that he recognises these outgoings of
soul to be true love to the Saviour.

There are two affections, distinct from each otlier in
their objects, which are included under the term love;
the one terminates on the goodness or moral excel-
lence of its object, and varies accordins:to the particu-
lar view, at any time enjoyed, of the divine attributes.
This comprehends all pious affections and emotions

100 THOUGHTS ON

arising from the contemplation of the affections of
God ; and some of them, such as reverence and humi-
Hty, would not fall under the name of love, when
taken in a strict sense; but when used as a general
term for our whole obedience, it must compreliend
them all. This may, for convenience, be called the
love of complacency , in which the rational soul de-
lights in the character of God as revealed in his word.
The other affection, called love, has not the character
of the person beloved for its object, but his happiness.
It may be intensely exercised towards those in whose
moral qualities there can be no complacency, and is
called the love of benevolence. God's love to sin-
ners is of this kind; and this is the kind of love which
Christians are bound to exercise to all men in the
world, even to those that hate and persecute them.
Though the love of benevolence may exist without
the love of complacency, yet the converse cannot be
asserted. No one ever felt love to the character of
another without desiring his happiness. Before con-
version, the soul is sordidly selfish, but no sooner does
this change take place, than the lieart begins to be
enlarged with an expansive benevolence. The whole
world is embraced in its charity. "Good will to
man" is a remarkable characteristic of the "new
creature;" and this intense desire for the salvation of
our fellow men, and ardent wish that they might all
become interested in that Saviour, whom we have
found to be so precious, is the true source of the mis-
sionary spirit, and is the foundation, often of labo-
rious and long continued exertions to prepare for the
holy ministry; and prompts and inclines delicate fe-
males to consent to leave all the endearments of home,
for arduous labour in a foreign, and sometimes a
savage land.

But, however lively the affection of love in the ex-
ercises of the real Christian, he never can lose sight of
his own unworthiness. Indeed, the brighter his dis-
coveries of the divine glory, and the stronger his love,
the deeper are his views of the turpitude of sin; the
more he is elevated in affection and assured hope, the

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 101

deeper is he depressed in humility and self-abasement.
His penitential feelings, from the nature of the case,
keep pace with his love and joy; and when his tears
flow in copious showers, he would be at a loss to tell,
whether he was weeping for joy or for sorrow. He
might say, for both; for in these pious exercises, these
opposite emotions sweetly mingle their streams: and
so delightful is this mingling of affections naturally
opposite, that the person could hardly be persuaded,
that the sweet would be as agreeable, without, as with
the bitter. One hour spent under the cross, while the
soul is thus elevated — thus abased — thusjoyful — and
thus sorrowful — is better than a thousand of earthly
delights. Observe, Bunyan does not make the burden
of Christian fall off instantly on his entering in at the
strait gate; but when, as he travelled, he came in
sight of the cross. Then, in a moment, those cords
which had bound it to his back, and which none could
loose, were burst asunder, and his burden fell oft', and
never was fastened on him again; although he lay so
long in the prison of Giant Despair. The feelings of
a renewed heart, are never afterwards the same as
under legal conviction. There are scenes, in the ex-
perience of the lively Christian, of which the wise
men of the world never dream; and which, if they
were told of them, they would not believe; and
these things, while they are hidden from the wise and
prudent, are revealed unto babes. The secret of the
Lord is with them that fear him. The soul, which
lias thus returned from its wanderings to the bishop
and shepherd, feels under the strongest obligations to
live for God — to deny itself — to forsake the world —
to do any thing — be anything — or suff'er any thing,
which may be for the honour of its divine Master.
Hence a new life commences — a new spirit is mani-
fested— and the new man, maugre all his remaining
ignorance and imperfection, gives lucid evidence to all
who carefully observe him, that he has been with
Jesus, and has been baptized with the Holy Ghost ;
and, the more frequently these views and exercises
are reiterated, the more spiritual and heavenly is his

102

THOUGHTS ON

conversation. This is a light which cannot be hid,
and which ought to shine more and more unto the
perfect day. Hear then the exhortation of the apos-
tle Jude, "But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on
your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,
keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the
mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life." , ,

CHAPTER VII.

Considerations on dreams, visions, &lc. — Remarkable conversion of a
blind infidel from hearing the Bible read.

There are many professors of religion in our coun-
try, who, if they should peruse this work would ima-
gine a great defect in the account given of a sinner's
conversion, because nothing has been said about
dreams and visions, or voices and lights, of a super-
natural kind. During the various religious excite-
ments which extended over the southern States, un-
der the preaching of different denominations, there
was mingled with the good influence by which sin-
ners were converted and reformed, no small degree
of enthusiasm, which led the people to seek and ex-
pect extraordinary revelations; which were supposed
to be granted in dreams or visions. Indeed, at one
time, the leaders in a very general excitement, which
occurred in Virginia, about the commencement of the
Revolutionary war, were impressed with the idea,
that they possessed precisely the same gifts and
powers which had been bestowed upon the apostles;
and this enthusiastic idea would have spread widely,
if they had not failed, in some private attempts, to
work miracles. But the opinion, that certain persons
had an extraordinary call from God to preach, and
that they needed neither learning nor study, to enable
them to preach the gospel, continued to prevail for a
long time, and this species of enthusiasm is not en-
tirely passed away even to this day. Such preachers

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 103

were much in the habit of declaiming in every ser-
mon, against letter-learned and college-bred ministers,
and they seldom failed to inform their hearers, that
they had selected the subject of discourse, after enter-
ing the pulpit; and some of them even gloried that
they had never learned to read, as they believed, that
all learning interfered with the inspiration of the
Spirit, which they were confident that they possessed.
While this notion of an extraordinary call and imme-
diate inspiration was common, it is not surprising
that the people should have entertained wild opinions
respecting the nature of conversion. As it was cus-
tomary to give tlie narratives of religious experience
in public; not only in the presence of the church, but
of a promiscuous assembly, there was a strong temp-
tation to tell an extraordinary story; and the more
miraculous it was, the higher evidence it was sup-
posed to afford of being the work of God; concern-
ing the genuineness of which the subject never ex-
pressed a doubt. Seldom was a narrative of expe-
rience heard, which did not contain something super-
natural; such as a remarkable prophetic dream; an
open vision; a sudden and brilliant light sliining
around, as in the case of Paul; or an audible voice,
calling them by name; or uttering some text of Scrip-
ture; or some other encouraging words. Sometimes,
however, the cause of experimental religion was
sadly dishonoured by the ludicrous stories of poor
ignorant people — especially the unlettered slaves; for
this religions concern seized upon them with mighty
force, and many of them, I doubt not, were savingly
converted.

The philosophy of dreams is very little understood:
and it is not our purpose to entertain, or perplex the
reader with any theories on the subject. Dreams have
by some been divided into natural, divine, and dia-
bolical. The wise man says, " A dream cometh
through the multitude of business." Most dreams
are undoubtedly the effect of the previous state of
the mind, and of the peculiar circumstances and state
of the body, at the time. Most persons find their

104

THOUGHTS ON

thoughts, in sleep, occupied with those things which
gave them concern when awake; and every cause
which disorders the stomach or nerves, gives a char-
acter to our dreams. Most persons have expe-
rienced the distress of feverish dreams. But there
are sometimes remarlcable dreams, which leave on
the mind the strong impression that they have a
meaning, and portend coming events. And that there
have been dreams of this description, we learn from
the authority of the Bible; and these prophetic dreams
were not confined to the servants of God, as we learn
from the instances of the butler and baker, in the pri-
son of Pharaoh, and from the remarkable dream of
Pharaoh himself. All these must have proceeded
from some supernatural influence, as, when inter-
preted by Joseph, they clearly predicted future events,
of which the persons dreaming had not the least know-
ledge. So, Nebuchadnezzar's dream, contained a sym-
bolical representation of future events of great impor-
tance, which, however, neither he nor his wise men
understood, but which was intrepreted by Daniel, by
divine inspiration. Why God so frequently made his
communications to his servants by dreams, is not
easily explained. Perhaps, the mind is better pre-
pared for such revelations, when external objects are
entirely excluded; or, it might have been to obviate
that terror and perturbation to which all men were
subject, when an angel or spirit appeared to them.
Whether God ever now communicates any thing by
dreams is much disputed. Many, no doubt, deceive
themselves, by fancying that their dreams are super-
natural ; and some have been sadly deluded by trusting
to dreams; and certainly people ought not to be encour-
aged to look for revelations in dreams; but there is
nothing inconsistent with reason or Scripture, in sup-
posing that, on some occasions, certain communica-
tions, intended for the warning or safety of the indi-
vidual himself, or of others, may be made in dreams.
To doubt of this, is to run counter to a vast body of
testimony in every age. And if ideas, received in
dreams, produce a salutary effect, in rendering the

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 105

careless, serious, or the sorrowful comfortable in
the view of divine truth, very well; such dreams
may be considered providential, if not divine. But
if any are led by dreams, to pursue a course repug-
nant to the dictates of common sense or the pre-
cepts of Scripture, such dreams may rightly be con-
sidered diabolical. Some persons have supposed
that they experienced a change of mind while asleep.
They have gone to rest with a heart unsubdued and
unconverted, and their first waking thoughts have been
of faith and love. Some have sunk to sleep, worn
down with distress, and in their sleep have received
comfort, as they supposed, from a believing view of
Christ. Such changes are suspicious; but if they are
proved to be genuine by the future life of the person,
we should admit the possibility of God's giving a new
heart, just as he does to the infant. Or, truth may be
as distinctly impressed on persons' minds in sleep, as
when they are awake. Some persons appear to have
their faculties in more vigorous exercise, in some kinds
of sleep, than when their senses are all exercised.
The Rev. John Fletcher, vicar of Madely, relates that
he had a dream of the judgment day, the effect of
which was a deep and abiding impression of eternal
things on his mind. As the scene was vividly paint-
ed on his imagination, and the representation of truth
was as distinct and coherent as if he had been awake,
it may be gratifying to the reader to have the account
of it, set before him. He had been variously exer-
cised about religion before this. " I was," says he,
'' in this situation, when a dream, in which I am
obliged to acknowledge the hand of God, roused me
from my security. On a sudden, the heavens were
darkened, and clouds rolled along in terrific majesty,
and a thundering voice like a trumpet, which pene-
trated to the bowels of the earth, exclaimed, ' arise
ye dead and come out of your graves.' Instantly the
earth and the sea gave up the dead which they con-
tained, and the universe was crowded with living
people who appeared to come out of their graves by
millions. But what a difference among them ! Some,

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THOUGHTS ON

convulsed with despair, endeavoured in vain to hide
themselves in their tombs, and cried to the hills to fall
on them, and the mountains to cover them from the
face of the holy Judge, while others rose with seraphic
wings above the earth which had been the theatre
of their conflicts and their victory. Serenity was
painted on their countenances, joy sparkled in their
eyes, and dignity was impressed on every feature.
My astonishment and terror were redoubled when I
perceived myself raised up with this innumerable
multitude into the vast regions of the air, from
whence my affrighted eyes beheld this globe con-
sumed by the flames, the heavens on fire, and the
dissolving elements ready to pass away. But what
did I feel, when I beheld the Son of man coming in
the clouds of heaven, in all the splendour of his glory,
crowned with the charms of his mercy, and surround-
ed with the terrors of his justice; ten thousand thou-
sands went before him, and millions pressed upon his
footsteps. All nature was silent. The wicked were
condenmed, and the sentence was pronounced — the
air gave way under the feet of those who surrounded
me, a yawning gulf received them and closed upon
them. At the same time He that sat upon the throne
exclaimed, ' Come ye blessed of my Father, inherit
the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of
the world.' Happy children of God, I cried, 'You
are exalted in triumph with your Redeemer,' and
my dazzled eyes will soon lose sight of you, in the
blaze of light which surrounds you. Wretch that I
am, what words can express the horrors of my situa-
tion ! A fixed and severe look from the Judge, as he
departed, pierced me to the heart, and my anguish
and confusion were extreme, when a brilliant per-
sonage despatched from the celestial host, thus ad-
dressed me, ' Slothful servant, what dost thou here?
Dost thou presume to follow the Son of God, whom
thou hast served merely with thy lips, while thy
heart was far from him? Show me the seal of thy
salvation and the earnest of thy redemption. Exam-
ine thy heart, and see if thou canst discover there a

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 107

real love to God, and a living faith in his Son? Ask
thy conscience what were the motives of thy pretend-
ed good works? Dost thou not see that pride and
self-love were the source of them? Dost thou not see
that the fear of hell rather than the fear of offending
God, restrained thee from sin?' After these words
he paused; and regarding me with a compassionate
air, seemed to await my reply. But conviction and
terror closed my mouth, and he thus resumed his
discourse, 'Withhold no longer from God the glory
which is due him. Turn to him with all thy heart,
and become a new creature. Watch and pray was
the command of the Son of God; but instead of hav-
ing done this by working out thy salvation with fear
and trembling, thou hast slept the sleep of security.
At this very moment dost thou not sleep in that state
of lethargy and spiritual death, from which the word
of God, the exhortations of his servants, and the striv-
ings of [lis grace have not been sufficient to deliver
thee? Time is swallowed up in eternity. There is
no more place for repentance. Thou hast obstinately
refused to glorify God's mercy in Christ Jesus — go
then, slothful servant and glorify his justice.' Hav-
ing uttered these words he disappeared, and, at the
same time, the air gave way under my feet — the
abyss began to open — dreadful wailings assailed my
ears, and a whirlwind of smoke surrounded me. The
agitation of my mind and body awoke me, the horror
of which nothing can equal, and the mere recollection
of which still makes me tremble. 0 how happy I
felt on awaking to find that I was still in the land of
mercy, and the day of salvation ! 0 my God, I cried,
grant thfit this dream may continually influence my
sentiments and my conduct! May it prove a power-
ful stimulus to excite me to prepare continually for
the coming of my great Master!"

By this dream Mr. Fletcher was convinced that he
had been indulging vain hopes, and that his mind
was still unrenewed. His conviction of this truth,
however, did not rest entirely, nor chiefly on what
had been told him in his dream, but he now set to

108 THOUGHTS ON

work in sober earnest to examine his religious princi-
ples and motives, by the Scriptures; and the more he
examined the more fully was he convinced that he
was yet in an unconverted state. From this time
he began with all earnestness to seek for justification
through the blood of Christ; and never rested until he
found peace with God by a living faith in the truth
and promises of God.

The dream of John Newton, which he had long
before his conversion, when in the harbour of Ve-
nice, is probably known to most of our readers. — " I
thought," says he, " that it was night, and my watch
upon the deck — a person came to me and brought
me a ring, with an express charge to keep it care-
fully; assuring me that while I preserved that ring,
I should be happy and successful; but if I lost or
parted with it, I must expect nothing but trouble and
misery. I accepted the present and the terms will-
ingly, not in the least doubting my own care to pre-
serve it, and highly gratified to have my happiness
in my own keeping. I was engaged in these thoughts,
when a second person came to me and observing the
ring on my finger, he took occasion to ask me some
questions concerning it. I readily told him its vir-
tues, and his answer expressed a surprise at my
weakness, in expecting such effects from a ring. I
think he reasoned with me sometime on the impos-
sibility of the thing; and at length urged me in direct
terms to throw it away. At first, I was shocked at
the proposal; but his insinuations prevailed. I began
to reason and doubt, and at last plucked it off my
finger, and dropped it over the ship's side into the
water, which it had no sooner touched, than I saw,
at the same instant, a terrible fire burst out from a
range of mountains (the Alps) which appeared at
some distance behind the city of Venice. I saw the
hills as distinct as if awake, and that they were all in
flames. I perceived too late my folly, and my tempter,
with an air of insult, informed me that all the mercy
God had in reserve for me was comprised in the ring
which I had wilfully thrown away. I trembled and

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 109

was in great agony, and stood self-condemned, wiien
a third person, or the same who gave me the ring,
came to me and demanded the cause of my grief.
He blamed my rashness, and asked me if I thought
I should be wiser, if I had my ring again. I could
hardly answer, but thought it gone beyond control.
He went down under the water, and soon returned,
bringing the ring with him — the moment he came on
board, the flames were extinguished. I approached
to receive the ring, but he refused to restore it, say-
ing ' If you should receive this ring again, you would
soon bring yourself into the same distress — you are
not able to keep it; but I will preserve it for you,
and whenever it is needful will produce it in your
behalf Upon this I awoke in a state of mind not to
be described. I could hardly eat or sleep or transact
necessary business for two or three days, but the im-
pression soon wore off, and in a little time I totally
forgot it, and I think it hardly occurred to my mind
till several years afterwards."

I will conclude this unsubstantial discussion by
citing the words of that remarkable young sage of
remote antiquity, Elihu, the reprover of both Job
and his friend, and the sublime defender of God and
his dispensations. " For God speaketh once, yea
twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a
vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon
men, in slumberings upon the bed. Then heopeneth
the ears of men and sealeth their instruction."

Sometime in the year 1811, as well as he remem-
bers, the substance of the following narrative was
put into the hands of the writer, by the Rev. Dr. Wil-
liam M. Tennent, of Abington, Pennsylvania, when
this excellent man was on his death-bed, and near
his end. It will be seen that it was drawn up with
a view to publication as soon as the subject of the
memoir, who was then alive in Dr. Tennent's con-
gregation, should be called home to his rest. That
event occurred some time since; and in communica-
ting this memoir to the public, the writer considers

110 THOUGHTS ON

himself as fulfilling an implied promise, when he ac-
cepted the manuscript.

Having, however, ascertained that Mrs. Ann Snow-
den, of Philadelphia, was the lady at whose house
this gentleman resided, and that she was the person
by whom the Scriptures were read; and knowing,
also, that she was both pious and intelligent, the wri-
ter requested her to put down on paper an exact ac-
count of this pleasing and remarkable event; which
she did with the utnjost readiness. From these au-
thentic sources, the following narrative is derived;
and will be given with very slight verbal alterations,
in the very words of the respected persons named.

Dr. Tennent's memoir is prefaced by the following
words:

" Unfinished memoir of George Inglis, who has
been a member of the Presbyterian church in Abing-
ton from 1790 till the present time, 1810. It is ex-
pected, that some fit person into whose hand these
sketches of his character may fall, will, after his de-
cease, prepare them for the press; as it is hoped the
Church of Christ may derive some advantage from
them."

The narrative then proceeds as follows: " George
Inglis was born in the city of Philadelphia, A. D.
of honourable parentage, and received a lib-
eral education in the university of that city, vviiich
was completed between his 16th and 17th year.
Having served a regular apprenticeship to a mer-
chant, he entered into the mercantile business, and
settled in the island of Jamaica, where he continued
about eleven years. Very early in life he begun to
drink in iniquity like water, discovered strong pre-
judices against serious persons and serious things;
associated with the gay, libertine, and dissipated;
never read the Scriptures except so much of them as
enabled him to construe his Greek lessons, whilst in
college. His propensities to sinful indulgences in-
creased with his years, and in the island where he
resided, temptations being increased, and the means
of restraint from vicious courses diminished, he be-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. Ill

came more and more confirmed in tlie habits of sin,
until at length he was given np to almost every spe-
cies of iniquity. Amidst his open and avowed en-
mity to God and religion, at the close of the afore
mentioned period, an awful tornado fell upon that
part of the island where he resided, by which he lost
the greater part of his property, and was compelled
to return to the continent. Tliis happened during
the revolutionary war. All this made no alteration
in his morals for the better; but the more he was
corrected, the more hardened he grew; casting off
the fear of God, and putting to defiance the scourges
of Jehovah. Thus he continued till some years after-
wards. Being in the town of Manchester, Virginia,
without any natural (known) cause, to produce the
effect, he was smitten by the immediate hand of God,
whilst in the possession of good health, with tlie total
loss of sight within a {e\v days. In this situation his
mind was all distraction. His cry was to man only
for help; but to God his Maker, who giveth songs in
the night to the afflicted and oppressed, lie had not
learned to cry. This lesson, however, he was taught
not long afterwards."

Thus far the narrative has been given in the words
of Dr. Tennent; it will now be proper to hear Mrs.
Snowden's account of the conversion of this man, as
she was the only human instrument made use of in
bringing him to the knowledge of the truth. It is in
the form of a letter addressed to the writer.

" Rev. and Dear Sir — I will now endeavour to fulfil
the promise made to you some time ago, by giving
such information as is within my recollection, respect-
ing the case of Mr. George Inglis. That gentleman,
a native of Philadelphia, had received a classical
education, and with it every indulgence which a
father's partiality could bestow. Brought up in the
gay world, it is to be feared there was but little atten-
tion paid to his immortal interests. After spending
the time necessary to acquire the knowledge of mer-
cantile affairs, he left the city for the West Indies,
where he was, for a while, successful in business,

112 THOUGHTS ON

and found himself in circumstances to visit England;
and, while in London, throwing aside every restraint,
he indulged liimself in all the amusements atid levi-
ties of tliat gay metropolis. Returning to America,
he engaged in business in the state of Virginia.
After residing some time there, it pleased the Lord
to deprive him of his sight; an affliction at that time
looked upon by him as insupportable, for he saw not
the hand from whence it came, but after lie was
made sensible that he was a brand snatched from the
burning, often have I heard him bless the chastise-
ment as that of a tender Father.

" Mr. Inglis had weak eyes from an early age, but
his blindness came on him suddenly. Finding no re-
lief from the physicians where he resided, he left
Virginia for Philadelphia; and upon the application
of his friends, was received, with his servant, into my
house, as a boarder. I found him a man of strong
passions, impatient under sufferings, and not willing
to submit to restraints of any kind. When the phy-
sicians of the city were consulted, they gave his
friends no hope of the recovery of his eyesight: him
they soothed with the promise of a further considera-
tion of his case. A few weeks after he came to my
house, a gentleman, very much celebrated as an
oculist, came to the city. Mr. Inglis applied to him
for advice. He did not tell him that his was an incura-
ble case, but said that he would see him again. He
bore this very impatiently, observing to me that life
was now becoming an intolerable burden; but that he
had this consolation, that he had it in his power at
any time to lay it down. It was but to increase the
quantity of opium (he was in the habit of taking
opium) and all his sufferings would be at an end;
and that, after seeing the doctor once more, if he
found there was no hope of his recovering his sight,
he would certainly take that method of putting an
end to his existence. I remonstrated with him on the
impropriety of his behaviour; alleging, that he had
no more right to take away his own life, than he had
to take away the life of his neighbour; asking him if

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

113

he had considered the consequences of rushing un-
called into the presence of his Maker. His answer
was, that he had considered it well; and advocated
his opinion on this principle, that he was by a
merciful Creator placed on this earth to enjoy the
good things of this life as far as it was in his
power honestly to obtain them. That the duties re-
quired of him were, to be as useful to his friends in
particular, and society at large, as his circumstances
would admit of — that having lost his sight, he should
no longer enjoy any happiness here, would become a
burden to his friends, and could be of no use in the
world. He alleged, that the purposes for which life
v/as given to him were now defeated; of course there
would be no impropriety in laying it down. I made
some remarks on what he had advanced as his senti-
ments, and to strengthen what I said, quoted some
passages of Scripture. These he treated in a very
light manner — spoke of the Bible as the work of a
man, contrived to keep the vulgar in awe — with
many other observations too common with men of
deistical principles. I then inquired if he had ever
read the Bible; he frankly acknowledged that he had
not since he left school. Upon asking him if he had
not read the works of those that were opposed to the
Scriptures, he admitted that he had. If so, I observed,
he must have formed his opinions from the avowed
enemies of that sacred book. Was this a fair method
of proceeding? Was it just? That I thought he
would not act thus, on any other occasion. This book
you acknowledge you have not read since you were
a, boy. All that you know about it, you have
from the enemies of the Christian religion. Taking
these things into consideration, I hope you will no
more speak against the Bible, as it is a book that you
have never read since you were capable of forming a
judgment of its contents. He apologized for what he
had said, in a handsome manner, acknowledged that
he was wrong in speaking as he had done, and ex-
pressed a wish to have it read to him. This I de-
clined, and gave my reasons for so doing, which were,

114 THOUGHTS ON

that a man so prejudiced, as he appeared to be, was
not hkely to profit by the reading of the Bible; that
he would most probably cavil at, and perhaps ridicule
it; in so doing, he would wound my feelings without
benefitting himself; for I considered it as the word of
God; and my hopes of eternal salvation rested on
the truths contained in it. He then assured me on
the word of a gentleman, that if I would read to him,
whatever his opinions might be, he would carefully
avoid saying any thing that might have a tendency
to wound my feelings, or give offence, in the smallest
degree. There was an earnestness in his manner of
addressing ^e which satisfied my mind, that he was
•sincerely desirous to have the Scriptures read to him;
and the next day was fixed upon for that purpose. It
appeared to me that he waited impatiently for the
arrival of the appointed hour, for, no sooner did the
time come, than he sent for me. Before we began,
I observed to him, that as in the New Testament he
would find the fulfilment of the promises of the Sa-
viour, I v/ould point out those promises as they should
occur in reading the Old Testament; and which it
would be necessary for him to take notice of as we
proceeded. Beginning then with the first chapter of
Genesis, before we had gone through the chapter, he
stopped me to express his admiration of the language.
' It was sublime beyond any thing he had ever read.'
While I was reading, he was all attention; and when
the time arrived when I was under the necessity of
leaving oft', it was with regret that he observed that I
had finished; putting me in mind, at the same time,
of my promise to attend to him, on the next day. I
think it was on the second day of my reading to him,
that he cried out, ' What a wretch am I to have
spoken against such a book! a book that I knew no-
thing of, having never given it an attentive perusal.'
I went on for a few days, reading to him according
to the plan laid down, which was one hour every
day; when the distress of his mind greatly increased.
There was now no more said about a second visit to
the doctor — no complaints — no murmurings, on ac-

EELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 115

count of tlie loss of sight. He now saw the hand of
God in the dispensation of his providence, and would
acknowledge that it was less, far less, than he de-
served. My farnilj'' duties preventing me from being
with him as much as I wished, I now called in the
aid of some of my religious friends, among whom
was Mr. Joseph Easlburn, to converse with him and
to assist in reading to him. Several religious books
were now occasionally read to him, among which
were Boston's Fourfold State, Newton's Works, Her-
vey's Dialogues, &c. The descriptive parts of the last
mentioned author, were at his request passed over,
except where it more fully served to explain the doc-
trines of free grace — a subject to him of the deepest
interest. Though totally deprived of sight, and unac-
customed to go out, he now neglected no opportunity
of hearing the word of God; attending sermons on
Sabbaths, and weekly societies as often as was in his
power. As might be expected, his natural disposition,
sometimes getting the better of the good resolutions
he had formed, would betray him into a fretfulness
that was troublesome to his friends, and occasioned
much uneasiness to himself. On such occasions I
have heard him lament deeply over his sinful nature,
accusing himself of ingratitude to that God wlio had
mercifully stopped him in his career of vice, by de-
priving him of the light of day, and enlightening his
darkened mind, and had enabled him to understand
the truths contained in his blessed word. I do not
recollect how long he staid with me, but it was some-
thing less than a year, when his friends thought it
would be best to remove him to the country: and
boarding was obtained for him in the neighbourhood
of the Rev, Dr. Tennent, of Abington."

Dr. Tennent, in the memoir already quoted, after
mentioning some circumstances which have been
given in detail in the former number, goes on to say,
" It pleased God, by these means to bring him to very
serious and deep impressions of his moral character,
and to constrain him, after some time, to attempt to
pray. This [change] was effected in the gentleness,

116 THOUGHTS ON

kindness, and tenderness of infinite mercy, and with-
out those liorrors which often precede the conversion
of high-handed and daring sinners. In his case, all
was mercy, without extraordinary terror. He was
embraced in the arms of redeeming love, and deli-
vered from the fiery pit without beholding its awful
flames. In his first attempt to supplicate the Deity,
he was principally affected with a sense of the baseness
of his conduct, and vile ingratitude for the mercies
bestowed, and this exercise was accompanied with an
involuntary flow of tears, and a desire to call God
his Father, and afterwards to mention the blessed
name of Jesus, the Saviour. Probably, this was the
beginning of his new birth, and the hour of his con-
version; which was not long afterwards confirmed
by a remarkable vision of two books, with a glorious
light shining in the midst of them, as he was lying in
his bed; whicli he apprehended to be the Old and
New Testaments of the living God, presenting to, and
impressing on his mind this sacred declaration, but
without a voice, " This is the way," and filling
his soul at the same time, with inexpressible joy."

What is here related, is no doubt strictly true, but
there is no propriety in calling it " a vision," since it
can easily be accounted for by a vivid impression on
the imagination. A vision is something supernatural
seen with the bodily eyes ; but this man was totally
blind; the objects so clearly discerned must then have
been from impressions on the imagination. But in
saying this, it is not intended to deny that the cause
was the Spirit of God. This divine agent can, and
does produce vivid impressions on the imagination,
which have so much the appearance of external re-
alities, that many are ])ersuaded that they do see and
hear what takes place only in their own minds.

"In the year 1790, Mr. Inglis was removed to
Abington, and became a boarder in the house of the
Rev. William M. Tennent, and soon afterwards was
admitted to the communion of the church, in that
place, with which he hath walked steadfastly in the
faith ever since; exemplifying in a striking and high

KELICIOUS EXPERIENCE. 1 17

degree the power of God's grace to the ' new creation/
From the beginning of his turn to God, there was
abundant proof that 'old things had passed away and
that all things had become new.' Before a blas-
phemer, but now a worshipper of the true God.
Before, a drunkard, and a Sabbath-breaker, unclean,
a ridiculer of holy things, and indulgent habitually in
all ungodliness and wickedness — led captive by the
prince of the power of the air, who ruleth in the
children of disobedience, but now, freed from his
bonds and made by sovereign grace to rejoice in the
liberty of the gospel. Before, a hater of good men
and good things, but now a lover of both. He was
made to hunger and thnst after righteousness — after
the bread of life — after the knowledge of His will; and
seemed only to be happy when he had a glimpse of
his glory. For more than a year after his conversion,
he could not bear to hear any other book read to
him than the Holy Scriptures; and the most practical
authors on religion. He shunned all political conver-
sation, the reading of newspapers, and whatever might
divert his thoughts from holy meditations and a fur-
ther knowledge of his Redeemer.

" Whilst residing in his first permanent lodgings
in the country, it may not be improper to mention a
second remarkable vision which he had. Walking in
the garden one day, as he usually did for sacred me-
ditation, he was suddenly arrested and overcome with
a most affecting view of his Saviour, as suspended
on the cross, and bearing his very sins. In this ^
vision of redeeming love he was so lost that he knew
not where he was — overwhelmed with unutterable
joy, and the most affecting gratitude for the discharge
of the immense debt which he owed to the justice of
a holy God. The impressions then made are still
kept in strong remembrance. How long he was in
this state he knew not, but was finally conducted to
the house, after having called for a guide— full of joy
and gladness: a second remarkable proof of his inte-
rest in gospel redemption."

We will simply repeat our objection to the use of

118

THOUGHTS ON

the word "vision'^ to represent what was nothing
more than a strong, beUeving view of the scene of the
crucifixion, accompanied, no doubt, with a vivid ima-
gination of tiie bleeding, dying Saviour, suffering for
his sins.

"The writer will only add, that he has frequently,
within the term of twenty years, heard Mr. Inglis
say, he would not if it had been within the power of
a wish, have had his natural sight restored, having
found his eyes such an avenue to sin. His whole
conduct, since his conversion has corresponded with
his profession as a Christian disciple. He has, in the
view of his brethren where he resides, made a visible
growth in grace, even in the knowledge of our Lord
and Saviour Jesus Christ. He has, with others
travelling to the same blessed country, been on the
mount and in the valley —an humble, meek, patient,
self-denying Christian, rejoicing in the hopes of a
better country — weeping on account of his own un-
fruitfulness — looking for strength to vanquish his
enemies, and hoping for victory by the merits of the
great Redeemer. Hitherto steadfast, may he hold
fast unto the end! and may many such be added unto
the Lord! Blessed be God for the gift of his Son,
for the revelation of his incomprehensible love and
grace, and for the crown of glory which is laid up for
all who are looking and longing for his second ap-
pearance!"

The foregoing account was written about thirty
years ago, and Mr. Inglis, who was then in years, did
not depart this life until two or three years since.
As the Rev. Robert Steel succeeded Dr. Tennent, as
pastor of the Presbyterian church at Abington, I re-
quested him to give me notice of the old gentleman's
death, with an account of his state of mind in his latter
days. This he did, and I regret that I have mislaid
his letter, so that I cannot at present put my hands on
it. But I confess that I was much disappointed in
not finding something more memorable in the closing
scene of one who had been so manifestly snatched
" as a brand from the burning." As well as I recol-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIKNCE. 119

lect, Mr. Steel represents that the spirituaHty and
ardour of Mr. Inghs's rehgion considerably dechned
in his latter years; that he became somewhat worldly
minded, and appeared to be too ranch concerned about
his little property; and that he had nothing remarka-
ble in the exercises of his mind, while on his death-
bed; but no one, I believe, ever doubted the reality
of the change which he had experienced: neither was
he ever left to do any thing to bring discredit on the
profession which he had made.

One reflection which occurred to me on reading
Mr, Steel's letter was, that it is not desirable for a
Christian to live to be very old; especially when all
active service in the cause of Christ is precluded.
Old age is a peculiarly unfavourable season for growth
in grace. Many of the natural auxiliaries to piety
are ilien removed; and at the same time, many in-
firmities cluster around us; so that a declension in
religion is not uncommon in the protracted years of
the aged.

Another solemn reflection was, that a man is never
too old nor too decrepit to be covetous. Covetousness
is peculiarly the vice of the aged, and when indulged,
strikes its roots deeper, the older we grow. What
Christ says to all, may with emphasis be addressed
to the aged, " Take heed, and beware of covetous-
ness." The writer remembers to have seen and con-
versed with the old gentleman in the church at
Abington, soon after Dr. Tennent's death. At that
time he was always in his place in the house of God,
and attracted attention by his venerable and solemn
appearance. It was agreed that his taste and judg-
ment in regard to preaching were uncommonly sound
and good; but nothing would pass with him in which
Christ was not made conspicuous. Purely evange-
lical preaching was that in -which he delighted; and
at that period, his conversation was in a strain of
warm and pious feeling.

My closing remark is, that we should despair of
the conversion of no one; and we should use all our
eff'orts to prevail on skeptical men to read the Bible.

120

THOUGHTS ON

The Bible has converted more infidels than all the
books of " evidences" which exist.

CHAPTER VIII.

Religious Conversation. — Stress laid by some on the knowledge of the
time and place of Conversion. — Religious experience of Halybur-
ton.

It is often a question among serious people, whether
every person, who is a real Christian, knows not only
that he is snch, but the time and place of his conver-
sion. This subject has already been partially dis-
cussed in these essays, but demands a more particular
and extended consideration.

It is well known to all, that the Christian denomi-
nations, which exist in this country, differ from one
another in their views of various doctrines and rites
of religion; but the fact is not so well known, that
the religious experience of the individuals of the seve-
ral denominations is as various as their doctrines and
external forms of worship. To those who view these
things at a distance, and superficially, all religious
people appear alike; and many, when they hear of a
number converted, take it for granted that they have
all passed through the same train of exercises, to
whatever sect they belong. There are some serious
people, well indoctrinated in the Scriptures, who,
while they hold a sound theory respecting the nature
of regeneration, never speak of their own religious
exercises; believing that such exposures are not for
edification, as they tend to foster spiritual pride and
vain glory, and afford a temptation to hypocrisy,
which is commonly too strong for the deceitful heart.
Among such professors, you hear nothing of convic-
tion and conversion; and when any of this class fall
into a distressing case of conscience which urges them
to seek spiritual counsel, they always propose the
case in the third person. They will talk to you by
the hour and the day, about the doctrines of religion,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 121

and show that they are more conversant with their
Bibles, than many who talk much of their religious
feelings. There are two objections to this practice.
The first is, that it has the effect of keeping out of
view the necessity of a change of heart. The second
is, that it is a neglect of one effectual means of grace.
Religious conversation, in which Christians freely tell
of the dealings of God with their own souls, has been
often a powerful means of quickening the sluggish
soul, and communicating comfort. It is in many
cases, a great consolation to the desponding believer,
to know that his case is not entirely singular; and if
a traveller can meet with one who has been over the
difficult parts of the road before him, he may surely
derive from his experience some solitary counsel and
warning. The Scriptures are favourable to such
communications. "Come and hear," says David,
" all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath
done for my soul." " Then they that feared the Lord
spake often one to another, and the Lord hearkened
and heard it, and a book of remembrance was writ-
ten before him for them that feared the Lord, and
that thought upon his name." Paul seldom makes a
speech or writes a letter, in which he does not freely
speak of his own religious joys and sorrows, hopes
and fears. There is, no doubt, an abuse of this means
of grace, as of others; but this is no argument against
its legitimate use, but only teaches that prudence
should govern such religious intercourse. The oppo-
site extreme is not uncommon in some denominations;
as where professors are publicly called upon, and
that periodically, for their experience; or where,
when professors are met, it is agreed that every one^
in turn, shall give a narrative of his or her experience,
in religion. Such practices are not for edification.'
There are, however, cases in which it may be ( xpe-
dient— it may be delightful— for a few select friends
to enter into a full detail of the dealings of God with
their souls, respectiveljr. The writer, in another
place, published an account of such a conference in
Holland, which he received from the late Rev. Dr.

122 THOUGHTS ON ^

Livingston, of New Brunswick. A company of pious
friends liaving met for religious conversation, the sub-
ject which came up was the striking similarity of the
experience of God's people in all ages, and in all
countries; when some one observed, that there were
present, four persons from the four quarters of the
world, respectively, and who had embraced religion
in their native country. One was from the Dutch set-
tlements in the East Indies, a second from the Cape
of Good Hope, the third a young nobleman of Hol-
land, and the fourth Dr. Livingston himself, from the
United States of America. It was then proposed as
an illustration of the subject of conversation, that each
should give a narrative of his Christian experience.
The company in attendance expressed the highest
gratification, and were no doubt greatly edified. It

ills much to be lamented, that many persons who are
j fond of religious conversation, deal so much in cant
I phrases, and assume an air so affected and sanctimo-
I nious. This is the thing which disgusts grave and
intelligent Christians; and often occasions the wicked
to ridicule or blaspheme. " Let not your good be
evil spoken of" Be not public nor indiscriminate in
your communications of this kind. "Take heed that
you cast not your pearls before swine, lest they tram-
ple them under their feet, and then turn again and
rend you."

It is a fact, that what passes for conversion in one
sect, will be condemned as altogether insufficient in
another. A few years since there was, what was
called a great revival, in a Presbyterian congregation,
in New Jersey. The Presiding Elder of the Metho-
dist Society, for that district, having classes of his
Church, mingled with the people of that congregation,
so that he had the opportunity of conversing with a
number of the subjects of this work, gave it as his
opinion, to a person who communicated the fact to
me, that none with whom he spoke, were converted,
for he did not meet with one who w^ould say, that he
kneiv his sins were pardoned. On the other hand,
many of the conversions which take place at camp

RELIGIOUS EXPEKIENCE. 123

meetings, and other meetings, where there is much
excitement, though the subjects do profess to know-
that their sins are pardoned, are not believed to be
cases of sound conversion by Presbyterians; and
they are confirmed in this opinion, often, by the
transitory nature of the reformation produced. We
have known instances of persons professing conver-
sion at a camp-meeting, and filUng the camp with
their rejoicing, who relapsed into their old habits of
sin, before reaching their own dwellings. In these
strong excitements of the animal sensibilities, tliere is
great danger of deception. When feelings of distress
are wound up to a very high pitch, there often occurs
a natural re-action in the nervous system, by which
the bodily sensations are suddenly changed, and this,
attended with some text of Scripture impressed on the
mind, leads the person to believe, that he was in that
moment converted, when in reality no permanent
change has been efl'ected. It is one thing to be per-
suaded of the truth of the gospel, and quite another
to be certain that I have believed, and that my sins
are pardoned. Mr. Wesley was for several years in the
ministry, and a missionary to America before he had
this joyful sense of the forgiveness of sins, and he
seems to intimate, that until this time he was an un-
converted man; and most of his followers make this
joyful sense of pardoned sin, the principal evidence
of conversion, and one which all must experience.
Most serious, intelligent readers, however, will be of
opinion, that Mr. Wesley was as humble and sincere
a penitent, before this joyful experience, as after-
wards; and that it is a dangerous principle to make a
man's opinion of his own state, the criterion by which
to judge of its safety. Certainly, we should greatly
prefer to stand in the place of some broken-hearted,
contrite ones, who can scarcely be induced to enter-
tain a hope respecting their acceptance, to that of
many who boast that they never feel a doubt of their
own safety. Men will not be judged in the last day
by the opinion which they had of themselves. For
the confidence, it v/ould seem, never forsakes some

124 THOUGHTS ON

to the last, who nevertheless will be cast into outer
darkness. " Not every one that saith unto me Lord,
Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he
that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Many will say unto me in that day Lord, Lord, have
we not prophesied in thy name, and in thy name have
cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonder-
ful works. And then will I profess unto them, I
never knew you, depart from me ye workers of ini-
quity." In early life, the writer knew some high
professors of his own denomination, who could tell
the day and hour when God had mercy on them.
One of these, a fair spoken, plausible man, who had
spent the former part of his life in pleasure and dissi-
pation, gave such an account of his conversion as was
adapted to produce envy and discouragement in pro-
fessors who had been less favoured; and not only
could designate the month and day of the month, but
the hour of the day, when he obtained reconciliation
with God. No one doubted of his piety — but mark
the event. This high professor, a few years after-
wards, was excommunicated from the church, for
manifest perjury! Another, whose experience was
remarkable and his conversion sudden, became a
preacher, then a fanatic— and finally an infidel. This
man told me, that though often in great spiritual dis-
tress, he never doubted of the goodness of his state.
They who believe that a man may be a saint to-day
and a devil to-morrow, not in appearance only, but
in reality, easily account for these apostasies, but we
are inclined to hold fast by what the beloved disciple
says about such, in his lime. " They went out from
us, but they were not of us, for if they had been of
us they would no doubt have continued with us; but
they went out, that they might be made manifest
that they were not all of us."

Few men in later times appear to have arisen to
greater eminence in piety than Henry Martyn, the
missionary. The strength of the principle of holi-
ness, in his case, was manifested in his habitual spir-
ituality of mind, and the constant exercise of self-de-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIE>XE. 125

nial; yet, as far as is related, his incipient exercises
of religion were no how strongly marked, but seem
to have been rather obscure and feeble. The same
is the fact respecting those two distinguished men of
God, Philip and Matthew Henry, the father and the
son. The early exercises of these men were not in
any respect remarkable. Indeed, they both became
pious when very young; and we rarely get a very
distinct and accurate account of the commencement
of piety in early life. But no one, who is acquainted
with the lives of these eminent ministers, will deny
that they grew up to an uncommon degree of piety,
which in the experience of both, though characterized
by genuine humility, was free from any mixture of
gloom or austerity. True religion can rarely be
found exhibiting so cheerful a mien and so amiable
an aspect, and yet, with these men every thing be-
came a part of their religion; to this one object their
wliole lives were devoted. I have derived much satis-
faction, and I hope, profit, from the account which
Halyburton gives of his religious experience; especial-
ly, because the account was given wlien the writer was
advanced in years, and when his judgment was fully
matured. Many youthful narratives of pious exer-
cises are very fervent, but they are frothy, and marked
with that kind of ignorance and self-confidence which
arise from inexperience. Halyburton is an example
of a person brought up under religious discipline and
instruction, and under constant restraint, whose con-
victions of sin were nevertheless exceedingly pungent
and awful. His conversion too was sudden, and his
first exercises of faith clear and strong. " I cannot,"
says he, " be very positive about the day or the h'our
of this deliverance; nor can I satisfy many other
questions about the way and .manner of it. As to
these things I may say with 'jthe blind man, ' One
thing I know, that whereas I ^as blind now I see.'
It was towards the close of Jan\mry, or the begin-
ning of February, 169S, that this seasonable relief
came; and, so far as I can remembej", I was at secret
prayer; in very great extremity, not^fer from despair,

126 THOUGHTS ON

when the Lord seasonably stepped in and gave this
merciful turn to affairs. When I said there was none
to save, then ' his arm brought salvation.' God, who
commanded the light to shine out of darkness, 'shined
into my mind,' to give the light of the knowledge of the
glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. That which
afforded me relief was a discovery of the Lord, as man-
ifested in his word. He said to me, 'thou hast destroyed
thyself, but in me is thy help.' He let me see that there
are forgivenesses with him, that with him is mercy
and plenteous redemption. He made all his good-
ness pass before me, and proclaimed his name, ' The
Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suf-
fering, and abundant in goodness and trutii, keeping
mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgres-
sion and sin.' Who will be gracious to whom he will
be gracious, and will show mercy to whom he will
show mercy. This was a strange sight to one who
before looked on God as a 'consuming fire' which I
could not see and live. He brought me from Sinai
and its thunderings, to Mount Zion, and to the Medi-
ator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprink-
ling that cleanseth from all sin, and speaketh better
things than the blood of Abel. He revealed Christ in
his glory. I now with wonder beheld his glory, the
glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace
and truth. And I was made, by this sight, to say,

' Thou art fairer than the sons of men.' And I

was hereby further satisfied, that not only was there
forgiveness of sins and justification by free grace,
through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom
God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith
in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remis-
sion of sins that are past, through the forbearance of
God — but I saw moreover, with wonder and delight,
how God by this means might be just even in justi-
fying the ungodly, who believe in Jesus. How was
I ravished with delight v/hen made to see that the
God in whom a little before I thought there was no
help for me, or any sinner in my case — if indeed there
were any such — notwithstanding his spotless purity,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 127

his deep hatred of sin, his inflexible justice and righ-
teousness, and his unimpeachable faithfulness pledged
in the threatenings of the law, might not only pardon,
but without prejudice to his justice or his other attri-
butes, might be just, even in justifying the ungodly.

And the Lord further opened the gospel-call

to me, and let me see that even to me, was ' the word
of this salvation sent,' All this was offered unto
me, and I was invited to come and freely take of the
waters of life, and to come in my distress unto the

blessed rest He, to my great satisfaction, gave

me a pleasing discovery of his design in the whole,
that it was, ' that no flesh might glory in his sight,'
but that he who glories, should glory only in the
Lord; and that he might manifest the riches of his
grace, and be exalted in showing mercy, and that we
in the end might be saved. The Lord revealed to
my soul the full and suitable provision, made in this
way against the power of sin — that as there is right-
eousness in him, so there is strength, even 'everlast-
ing strength' in the Lord Jehovah, to secure us against

all enemies When this strange discoverj'- was

made of a relief, wherein full provisions were made
for all the concerns of God's glory and my salvation
in subordination thereto, my soul was, by a sweet
and glorious power, carried out to rest in it, as worthy
of God, and every way suitable and satisfying in my
case. ' They that know thy name will put their trust
in thee,' All these discoveries were conveyed to me
by the Scriptures only. It was not indeed by one
particular promise or testimony of Scripture, but by
the concurring light of a great many, seasonably set
home, and most plainly expressing the truths above
mentioned. The promises and truths of the Bible, in
great abundance and variety, were brought to remem-
brance, and the wonders contained in them, were set
before my eyes in the light of the word. 'He sent

his word and healed me.' But it was not the

Bible alone that conveyed the discovery; for most of
these passages whereby I was relieved, I had formerly
in my distress, read and thought upon, without find-

128 THOUGHTS ON

ing any relief in them. But now the Lord shined
into my mind by them. Formerly, I was acquainted
only with the letter, which profits not, but now the
Lord's words were spirit and life, and in his light I
saw light. God opened my eyes to see wonders out
of his law. There was light in his words; a burning
light by them shone into my mind, not merely some
doctrinal knowledge, but ' the light of the knowledge
of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.' The
light, that I now had, shone from heaven; it was not
a sparic kindled by my own endeavours, but it shone
suddenly about me; it came by the word of God, a
heavenly means. It opened heaven and discovered
heavenly things, even the glory of God; and it led
me up as it were to heaven. Its whole tendency was
heavenward. It was a true light, giving manifesta-
tions of God, even the one true God, and the one Me-
diator between God and man; and giving a true view
of my state with respect to God It was a pleas-
ant and a sweet light: it had a heavenly satisfaction
in God attending it. It led to a pleasure in the foun-
tain whence it came. It was a distinct and clear light,
not only representing spiritual things, but manifesting
them in their glory. It put all things in their proper
place, in due subordination to God, and gave distinct
views of their genuine tendency. It was a satisfying
light. The soul rested in the discoveries that it made
and was satisfied; it could not doubt of what it saw,
and that things were as they were represented. It
was a quickening, refreshing and healing light; when
'the Sun of Righteousness' arose, there was 'healing
under his wings.' It was a great light : it made dis-
coveries which were easily distinguished from any
former discoveries it had ever made; and it was a
powerful light. It dissipated that thick darkness
which had overspread my mind, and made all those
frightful temptations, which had formerly disturbed
me, fly before it. It was composing: not like a sud-
den flash of lightning, which fills the soul with fear
and amazement, but it composed and quieted my soul
and put all my faculties, as it were, in their due pos-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 129

ture, and gave me the exercise of them. It destroyed
not, but improved my former knowledge. But, as
the true idea of Ught is not conveyed by the ear; so
no words can convey the idea of Hght to the bhnd.
And he who has eyes, will need no words to describe
it. It is like the new name that none knows, save he
that has it.

" The first discernible effect of this light was, an
approbation of God's way of saving sinners by Jesus
Christ, to the glory of his grace. And this I take to
be the true Scriptural notion of justifying faith; for it
not only answers the Scripture descriptions of it, by
receiving, coming, looking, trusting, believing, &c.,
but it really gives God that glory which he designed
by all this contrivance — the glory of his wisdom,
grace, mercy, and truth. Now this discovery of the
Lord's name brought me to trust in him, and glory
otily in the Lord. I found my soul fully satisfied in
these discoveries, as pointing out a way of relief,
altogether and in all respects suitable to the need of a
poor, guilty, self-condemned, self-destroyed sinner,
driven from all other reliefs. In this I rested, as in a
way of full peace, comfort, security, and satisfaction,
as providing abundantly for all those ends I desired to
have secured. And this approbation was not merely
for a time; but ever after in all temptations it dis-
covered itself, by iieeping in me a fixed assent and
adherence of mind to this truth, and full persuasion
of it, that God hath granted unto us eternal life, and
this life is in his Son.

" The next remarkable effect of this discovery was,
that it set me right as to my chief end, and made me
look to the glory of God, for which formerly I had no
real concern. Now mine eye was made, in some
measure, single in eyeing the Lord's honour. It
manifested itself in frequent desires, that the Lord
might be honoured and glorified, in my life, or by my
death. It kept my soul fixed in the persuasion that
it was every way meet that I should take shame and
confusion to myself as what only belonged to me; and

130 THOUGHTS ON

that the glory of my salvation was only and entirely
the Lord's due.

"A third discernible effect was, that I was led to
look upon his yoke to be easy and his burden light;
and to count that his comniandments were not griev-
ous, but 'right concerning all things.' — This was
very contrary to my former temper. I now came to
a fixed persuasion that the law was not only just,
such as I could make no reasonable exception against,
but holy, and such as became God; and good, such as
was every way suited to my true interest and peace,
and advantage — which I could never think before.
The duties to which my heart was most averse had
now become agreeable and refreshing.

"A fourth remarkable effect of this discovery was,
the exercise of evangelical repentance, which was
very different, in many respects, from that sorrow
with which I was before acquainted. It differed in
its rise. Sorrow before flowed from the discovery of
sin as it brings on wrath; now it flowed from a sense
of sin as containing wretched unkindness to one,
who was himself astonishingly kind to an unworthy
wretch. I looked on him whom I had pierced, and
did mourn. Sorrow formerly wrought death, alien-
ated my heart from God, and thus dispirited me for
duty, and made me fear hurt from him; but this sor-
row filled my heart with kindness to God and to his
ways, sweetened my soul, and endeared God to it.
It flowed from a sense of his favour to an unworthy
wretch that deserved none, and was thus a godly sor-
row leading to kindness to God, and a drawing near
him, but with much humble sense of my own unwor-
thiness, like the returning prodigal. The more God
manifested of his kindness, the more still did this feel-
ing increase: when he was pacified, then was I
ashamed and confounded. The sorrow I had before
looked on as a burden: it was nothing but selfish con-
cern for my own safety, and a fear of the righteous
resentment of God. But this sorrow was sweet and
pleasant, as being the exercise of filial gratitude; and

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

131

I took pleasure in the surprising manifestations of
God's favour to one so unworthy, and in acknow-
ledging my own unworthiiiess. This sorrow was a
spring of activity, and I was glad to be employed in
the meanest errand that might give opportunity to
evidence how deeply I was grieved for my former
disobedience. It resulted in a return to the way of
life, and to such a course, as upon a review, I did not
repent of, but delighted in, and in which I desired
continually to advance. It wrought carefulness to
avoid sin, anxiety to please God, indignation against
sin, fear of offending God again, vehement desire of
having sin removed, the Lord glorified, and obedi-
ence promoted.

"A fifth discernible effect was, an humble, but
sweet and comfortable hope, and persuasion of my
own salvation, answerable to the clearness of the dis-
covery. When the Lord gave me this view of the
way of salvation, he satisfied me, that it was a way
full of peace and security, the only way which I might
safely venture. Hereby I was freed from the dis-
quieting fear that the ground of my trust would fail.
I was satisfied I could not fail, otherwise than by mis-
sing the way. While I held fast and reposed with
satisfaction on what I was convinced was safe, I
could not but be quiet and composed about the result.
This shows how nearly allied faith and assurance are;
though they are not the same, no wonder the one
should be taken for tlie other. This discovery, mani-
fested that salvation was in the way of self-denial,
and trust in the Lord alone ; f(tr nothing so soon mar-
red this hope, as the least appearance of self, and
stirring of pride. Whenever the glory of the Lord
appeared and he spake peace, I was filled with
shame, and the deeper this humiliation was, the more
the humble confidence of my safety increased.

"A sixth discernible difference was, with respect
to the ordinances of the Lord's appointment. I was
drawn to follow them as the Lord's institutions, and
his appointed means of our obtaining discoveries of his
beauty. I desired ' to behold the beauty of the Lord,

132 THOUGHTS ON

and to inquire in his temple.' I was brought to exer-
cise more liveliness when the Lord discovered him-
self; 'my soul then followed hard after him.' When
the Lord enlarged me and caused me to approach to
him and see his glory, he still humbled me, discovered
self, and put me in opposition to it. I was now ac-
quainted, in some measure, with that boldness and
freedom of access, with humble confidence, to God as
on a throne of grace, manifesting himself in Christ.
In a word, I was in some measure, sensible of the
Lord's hiding or manifesting himself, according as I
performed my duty, and of the necessity of the exer-
cise of grace, particularly faith, in all approaches to
God."

Although in the preceding authentic narrative of
religious experience, we have entered more into detail
than usual, yet we are persuaded, that the serious
reader will not think the account too long or too par-
ticular. J have not met with any account of Chris-
tian experience which is so full and satisfactory as
this; and when it is known to have been written by
a man of sound understanding, and most exemplary
piety, at a late period of life, when his judgment was
matured by much experience, it cannot but furnish a
decisive proof of the reality of experimental religion,
which cannot be gainsayed. In these exercises there
is not a tincture of enthusiasm. Indeed, holy affec-
tions thus produced by the contemplation of truth is
the very opposite of enthusiasm; which always sub-
stitutes human fancies or impulses for the truths of
God, which it uniforrrily undervalues. In this case,
we see also, how high the exercises of Scriptural piety
may rise, without degenerating into any extrava-
gance. Many Christians seem not to know or believe
that such spiritual discoveries of the beauty of holi-
ness and the glory of the Lord, are now attainable:
but still there are some, and often those of the hum-
bler class of society, who are privileged with these
spiritual discoveries, and prize them above all price.
The language of such is, " One day in thy courts is
better than a thousand. I would rather be a door-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 133

keeper in the house of God, than dwell in the tents
of sin." "Return unto thy rest 0 my soul, for the
Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee." It is delight-
ful to trace the effects of God's truth in producing
every holy affection, when it is discerned by the light
of the Holy Spirit. Faith is almost identified with
this view; love flows out sweetly and spontaneously;
evangelical repentance is enkindled ; the soul is clothed
with humility; zeal for God's glory is predominant;
his ordinances are sought with desire, and found to
be channels which freely communicate with the rich
fountain of grace beneath the throne of God. So
far are right views of free grace from leading those
who entertain them to indulge in indolence, or be
careless about holy living, that they impart the only
true cause of activity and diligence in the work of
the Lord. In the foregoing account, the reader may
learn the nature of true religion more clearly than
from many sermons and long treatises; but the hum-
ble, doubting Christian must not make the measure of
grace which this favoured saint enjoyed, the standard
by which to judge of the reality of his own religious
experience. The same light may shine with vastly
different degrees of clearness, from the meridian blaze
down to the faint crepuscular dawn, but the rays
come from the same source; and tbat which is now
but just discernible in the midst of shades of depart-
ing night, will go on to increase, until it shines more
and more to the perfect day. Let not the extraor-
dinary clearness and distinctness discourage those
who are sincerely desirous to see "the beauty of the
Lord," but let them rather take fresh courage in a
pursuit, which from this example, they find may be
crowned with glorious success. "They that wait
upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall
mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and
not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint."

134

THOUGHTS ON

CHAPTER IX.

Christian experience of R C . — Narrative of Sir Richard

Hill's experience.

The following extracts, from a narrative of the

Christian experience of R C , will serve to

illustrate some points which have heretofore been
treated ; particularly the gradual manner in which
some persons are brought to the knowledge of the
truth; and the extreme difficulty of ascertaining, in
many cases, where common grace ends and special
grace commences.

" I grew up," says the narrator, " to manhood with
very little thought of religion, and without expe-
riencing any serious impressions, except the alarm
occasionally produced by the death of a companion,
or relative. Whilst I habitually cherished a strong
dislike to strict religion, which frowned upon a life of
pleasure and amusement, I entertained a strong preju-
dice in favour of Christianity in general, and that
particular denomination to which my parents and.
ancestors belonged. I call this a prejudice, for I
knew nothing of the evidences of the truth of Chris-
tianity, and had only a very vague and confused
notion of what the Scriptures contained; except that,
when a child, I had read, frequently, many portions
of the historical parts of the Bible. In this state of
mind, I was exposed to the common objections of
infidels; which arose from reading history, and find-
ing that all nations had their respective religions, in
which they believed as firmly as we did in ours; and
the thought occurred, often, ' Why may they not be
in the right and we in the wrong? but, about this
time, infidelity began to prevail, and its abettors to be
bold in declaring their opinions. My mind was so
completely unfurnished with arguments in favour of
Christianity that the only thing on which I could fix
was, that it had come down from my ancestors, and
the people with whom I was conversant, generally

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

135

believed in it. But this was far from satisfying my
mind. I began to feel uneasy for fear that we were
all wrong in our belief; but the thought was never
pleasing to my mind. As to books of evidence, I
knew nothing about them, and cannot remember that
I had ever heard of such works. And I was so situated
that I had no one to whom I could apply for instruc-
tion. The only person with whom 1 had any com-
munication, on literary subjects, was a gentleman,
who though he said nothing to me on the subject, was
deeply imbued with skeptical opinions. Being sepa-
rated from the companions of my youth, and placed
in a secluded situation, where, except on particular
occasions, I saw little company, and where there were
few opportunities of hearing instructive preaching, I
was cast upon my own thoughts, and my reflections
were often not very pleasing. One day — it was the
Lord's day — as I was looking over some books, which
I had in a trunk, my eye caught the words, ' Internal
Evidences of the Christian Religion.' I had often
seen the same book, and never so much as thought
what the subject of it was; but in my present per-
plexity, I seized it with avidity, and began to read.
The work was, the celebrated treatise of Soame Je-
nyns, Esq. I never removed from where I was
sitting until I had finished it, and as I proceeded, the
light of evidence poured in upon my mind with such
power of demonstration, that at the conclusion, I had
the idea of the room being full of resplendent light. I
enjoyed a pleasure which none can appreciate but
those who have been led to the contemplation of the
truth, in like perplexing circumstances. Not only
were all my doubts removed, but I wanted no more
evidence. My conviction of the truth of Christianity
was complete. I believe it could not have been
increased.

"But still I knew scarcely anything of the method
of salvation, revealed in the gospel. I entertained
the common legal notions of thousands of ignorant
people, ' that at a convenient time I would become
good,' never doubting, for a moment, of my ability to

136

THOUGHTS ON

do all that was requisite. The only thing which gave
me uneasiness was, the fear of a sudden death, which
would not afford me the opportunity of repenting and
making my peace with God. But the hope prevailed,
that I should die a lingering death, and be in my
senses, and then I would do all that was requisite to
prepare me for heaven; while at the same time, I had
no definite idea, what that preparation was. During
this period, I was exposed to few temptations; but
still some sins had dominion over me. One day a
child brought to me a small book and said that Mrs.
T. requested that I would read it, and return it
soon, as it was borrowed. The title, was, ' Jenks on
Justification by Faith.' I read the book through at
a single sitting, and again a new light sprung up in
my mind. The author, in the introduction, gives an
account of his ignorance of the true method of a sin-
ner's justification, until he had been for years a
preacher. He was a minister of the church of Eng-
land. I now found that I likewise had been all my
life ignorant of the way of salvation; for I entertained
the same legal and unscriptural notions which he
proves to be utterly erroneous. Although these new
views seem to have been merely intellectual, yet they
afforded me a great satisfaction. I had now a dis-
tinct knowledge of the gospel method of justification,
which I ever afterwards retained. Another copy of
this book I have never seen.

" The preaching, to which 1 had access, was mostly
of a wild, fanatical kind, and the way in which I
heard the new birth described, tended to prejudice me
against the doctrine of regeneration. I had never
before heard any thing about this change, and yet I
was sure that I knew some very good and religious
people. I began to be troubled to know, whether
sober, intelligent Christians believed in this doctrine.
It also became a subject of discussion in the little cir-
cle with which I was conversant; and I found that
one person in the company professed to have expe-
rienced this change: another was convinced of its
reality, but professed to be merely an inquirer; a

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 137

third was of opinion, that it related to the conversion
of Jews and infidels, and that there was no other re-
generation, except in baptism; and the fourth, was
the skeptical gentleman, already mentioned, who was
incredulous about the whole matter. In these con-
versations, I, being young and ignorant, took no part,
but I listened to them with intense interest. I had
recourse to such books as I had access to, but could
find nothing that was satisfactory; for my range of
religious books was very narrow, and few of these of
an evangelical cast. The person of my acquaintance,
who professed conversion, one day gave me a narra-
tive of the various steps and changes experienced in
this transition from darkness to light. As I enter-
tained a favourable opinion of the veracity and sin-
cerity of the individual, I began to think there might
be something in it. Although I had experienced
no remarkable change thus far, I knew that the sub-
ject of religion had become one of much more fre-
quent thought, and excited much more interest in my
mind than formerly. One evidence of which was,
that I commenced secret prayer, a duty utterly neg-
lected until this time, except when some one of the
family was dangerously sick. I had selected a re-
tired spot, surrounded by a thick growth of trees and
bushes, on the margin of a brook. Here I made a
kind of arbour, over a little plat of green grass, and
in the summer evenings I would resort to this seques-
tered spot. It was on the afternoon of a Sunday, I
was reading a sermon on the long-suffering and pa-
tience of God, in waiting with delaying sinners; and
so many things applied so exactly to my own case,
that I became so much affected with a sense of the
divine goodness and forbearance, in sparing me, and
waiting so long with me, while I was living in neg-
lect of him, that I felt impelled to go out and weep.
I was reading the sermon aloud to the fiimily, by^-
quest. I laid down the book abruptly, and hastened
to my retirement, where I poured out a flood of tears,
in prayer. And, suddenly, I was overwhelmed with
a flood of joy. It was extatic beyond any thing

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THOUGHTS ON

which I had ever conceived; for though I thought re-
ligion a necessary thnig, I never had an idea that there
was any positive pleasure in its exercises. Whence
this joy originated, I knew not. The only thing
which had been on nny mind was, the goodness and
patience of God, and my own ingratitude. Neither
can I now say how long it continued; but the impres-
sion left was, that I was in the favour of God, and
should certainly be happy for ever. When the tumult
of feeling had subsided, I began to think that this was
conversion — this was the great change, of which I had
recently heard so much. It occurred to me, when
walking home, that if this was indeed the change
called the neiv birth, it would be evinced by my for-
saking all my sins. This suggestion appeared right,
and I determined to make this the test of its reality.
All the evening, my mind was in a delightful calm;
but the next day my feelings had returned into their
old channel. I was grieved at this, and resorted to
the same place where I had experienced such a de-
lightful frame, in hopes, that by some kind of associa-
tion, the same scene would be renewed; but though
there was the place and all the objects of yesterday,
the soul-ravishing vision was not there; and after a
feeble attempt at prayer, and lingering for some time,
I returned without meeting any thing which I sought
and desired. It was not long before I was subjected
to the test which I had fixed; a temptation to a beset-
ting sin was presented, and I had no strength to re-
sist, but was instantly overcome. This failure gave
me inexpressible pain, on reflection. I did not know
how dear were my cherished hopes until they were
wrested from me. I never felt a keener regret at any
loss which I ever experienced."

" Although I was constrained to admit, that I was
not a regenerated person, I was sensible of a consid-
era15le change in my views and feelings on the subject
of religion. I had no longer any doubt of the neces-
sity of regeneration, and entertained some consistent
notions of what its effects must be. I had, as before
stated, acquired evangelical views of the way in

BELIGIOtrs EXPERIENCE.

139

which a sinner must be justified ; and entertained dif-
ferent feeUngs from what I had formerly towards
reUgious people. Formerly they were objects of dread
and aversion, now I felt a sincere regard, and high
respect for the same characters; and was pleased,
when I heard of any of my friends becomingreligious,
or more serious than before. I had now an oppor-
tunity of hearing an able minister preach an evange-
lical sermon on the text, ' For our righteousnesses
are as filthy rags,' &c,, and I cannot tellt he gratifi-
cation I experienced, in hearing the doctrine of justi-
fication, which I had fully embraced, preached dis-
tinctly and luminously from the pulpit: but when I
looked around on the audience, I had the impression,
that they were all, or nearly all, ignorant of what he
was saying, and were still trusting to their own works.
It gave me pleasure, also, now, to converse on the
doctrines of religion; and I felt a real abhorrence of
vicious courses. This was my state of mind when
Providence cast my lot where a powerful revival
had been in progress for some time. I had witnessed
something of this kind in a wild, fanatical sect; where
bodily agitations were common and violent; but this
was a different scene. The principal conductor and
preacher was a man of learning and eloquence ; and
his views of experimental religion, as I think, most
correct and scriptural. If he erred, it was on the safe
side, in believing in the thorough conversion of but a
small number of those who appeared impressed. In
entering into this scene, I experienced various new,
and conflicting feelings. The young converts spoke
freely, in my presence, of their conviction and con-
version; but often with a degree of levity, which sur-
prised me. In their conversations I could take no
part, and although my general purpose was to con-
sider myself an unawakened, unconverted sinner; yet
when I heard the marks of true religion laid down,
and especially by the distinguished preacher, before
mentioned, I could not prevent the thought arising
continually, ' If this is religion, then you have expe-
rienced it.' This seemed to me to be the suggestion of

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THOUGHTS ON

a false hope, by the enemy, to prevent my falling un-
der conviction. Still the idea was continually pre-
sented to my mind, and with the appearance of truth.
I took occasion to state the matter to the clergyman
above alluded to, as soon as I could gain access to
him; for I was diffident and timid, and had never
opened my case to any one, freely, I told him all my
former exercises, and stated distinctly, that they had
not been sufficient to break the habit of sinning, to
which I was addicted. As soon as I mentioned this
part, he said, in a peremptory tone, 'then surely
your exercises were not of the nature of true reli-
gion; and you must seek a better hope or you will
never be admitted into heaven.' This decisive an-
swer drove away, from that moment, every idea of
my being in a state of grace; and I felt relieved from
what I had myself considered a temptation, to enter-
tain a false hope. Now I began to seek conviction,
as a necessary preliminary to conversion; and hoped
that every sermon which I heard, would be the
means of striking terror into my soul. I read the
most awakening discourses, went to hear the most
arousing preachers; endeavoured to work on my own
mind by imagining the awful realities of the judg-
ment, and the torments of the damned. I strove to
draw the covering from the pit, that I might behold
the lake of fire, and hear the wailings of the damned.
But the more I sought these awful feelings of con-
viction, the further they seemed to fly from me. My
heart seemed to grow harder every day. I was sen-
sible of nothing but insensibility. I became discour-
aged; and the more, because I was obliged to re-
move from the scene of the revival, to a place where
there was no concern about religion, in the people
generally; and where, I expected the preaching to be
cold and lifeless. I spent a day before my departure,
in secret, and in solemn reflection on my deplorable
and hopeless case. I ran over all the kind dispensa-
tions of God's providence towards me, and reflected
on the many precious means of grace, which I had
recently enjoyed, without eflect. The conclusions

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE,

141

which seemed now to be forced on my mind was, tliat
God had given me up to a hard heart, and that I
never should be so happy as to obtain religion. This
conclusion had, to my mind, all the force of a cer-
tainty; and I began to think about the justice of God
in my condemnation: and no truth ever appeared
with more lucid evidence to my mind. I fully justi-
fied God in sending me to hell. I saw that it was not
only right, but I did not see how a just God could
do otherwise. And I seemed to acquiesce in it, as a
righteous and necessary thing. At this moment,
my mind became more calm than it had been for a
long time. All striving and effort on my part ceased,
and being in the woods, I recollected that it was time
for me to return to the house, where I expected to
meet some friends. Here I found a minister wailing
for me, whom I had seen but never spoke to. He
took me aside, and began to represent the many pri-
vileges which 1 had enjoyed, and expressed a hope
that I had received some good impressions. I told
him that it was true, that I had been highly favoured;
but that I had now come to a fixed conclusion that I
should certainly be for ever lost; for under all these
means, I had not received the slightest conviction,
without which my conversion was impossible. He
replied, by saying, 'that no certain degree of con-
viction was necessary — that the only use of convic-
tion was, to make us feel our need of Christ as a
Saviour; and appealed to me, wliether I did not feel,
that I stood in need of a Saviour.' He then went on
to say, ' Christ is an advocate at the right hand of
God, and stands ready to receive any case which is
committed to his hands, and however desperate your
case may now appear to be, only commit it to him
and He will bring you off safely, 'for He is able to
save to the uttermost all that come unto God by
Him.' Here, a new view broke in on my mind. I
saw that Christ was able to save even me, and I felt
willing to give my cause into his hands. This disco-
very of the bare possibility of salvation, was one of
the greatest deliverances I ever experienced. I was

142

THOUGHTS ON

affected exceedingly with the view, which I had of
this truth, so as to be unable to speak. Hope now
sprung up in my desolate soul — not that I was par-
doned or accepted. Such a thought did not occur —
but that it was yet possible, that I might be, hereaf-
ter, and I was resolved never to give over seeking,
until I obtained the blessing. All (hat evening I was
sweetly composed, and precious promises and decla-
rations of the word of God came dropping succes-
sively into my mind, as if they had been whispered to
me. I never could have believed, unless I had ex-
perienced it, that the mere possibility of salvation
would produce such comfort.

About this time, next morning, probably — when I
retired to the woods — where my secret devotions were
usually performed, I experienced such a melting of
heart from a sense of God's goodness to me, as I never
felt before or since. It seemed as if my eyes — so hard
to weep commonly — were now a fountain of tears.
The very earth was watered with their abundance.
Indee I, my heart itself seemed to be dissolved, just as
a piece of ice is dissolved by the heal of the sun. Of
the particular exercises of this melting season, my
memory does not retain a distinct recollection.

" For some months I attended to religious duties,
with various fluctuations of feeling. Sometimes I
entertained a pleasing hope that I was indeed a Chris-
tian— a renewed person; but, at other times, I was
not only distressed with doubts, but came to the con-
clusion, that r was still in my sins. The only thing
which I deem it important to mention during this pe-
riod, was, a deeper discovery of the wickedness of my
own heart. This conviction of deep-rooted, inherent
depravity, distressed me much; but I obtained con-
siderable relief from reading Owen on 'Indwelling
Sin.' This book exhibited the state of my heart
much better than I could have done myself Still,
however, I was much dissatisfied with myself, because
after so long a time, I had made so little progress. On
one occasion, at the close of the exercises of the Sab-
bath, I was so deeply sensible that my soul was still

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

143

in imminent danger of perdition, that I solemnly re-
solved to begin a new and more vigorous course of
engagedness to secure my salvation. I had spent
much time in reading accounts of Christian expe-
rience, and those which lay down the marks and evi-
dences of true religion, such as 'Owen on Spiritual
Mindedness,' 'Edwards on the Affections,' 'Guth-
rie's Trial of a Saving Interest in Christ,' 'New-
ton's Letters,' ' Pike and Hay ward's Cases of Consci-
ence,' &c. I also conversed much with old and ex-
perienced Christians, as well as with those of my own
age. But all these having, as it then seemed to me,
very little facilitated my progress, and the evils of my
heart seeming .rather to increase, I hastily resolved to
lay aside all books, except the Bible, and to devote
my wiiole time to prayer and reading, until I expe-
rienced a favourable change. In pursuance of this
purpose, I withdrew into a deeply retired spot, where
I knew I should be free from all intrusion from mor-
tals, and began my course of exertion with fasting
and strong resolution never to relinquish my eflbrts,
until I found relief. For five or six hours I was en-
gaged alternately in reading the Scriptures and at-
tempting to pray; but the longer I continued these
exercises, the harder did my heart become, and the
more wretched my feelings, until at length I was
exhausted and discouraged, and began to despair of
help, and was about returning from my chosen retire-
ment, in gloomy despondence, when it occurred to
me with peculiar force, that if I found I could do no-
thing to help myself, yet I might call upon God for
mercy. Accordingly, I fell down before him, and
said little more than is contained in the publican's
prayer, 'God be merciful to me a sinner;' but this I
uttered with a deep and feeling conviction of my utter
helplessness. The words were scarcely out of my
mouth, when God was pleased to give me such a
manifestation of his love in the plan of redemption
through Christ, as filled me with wonder, love, and
joy. Christ did indeed appear to me as altogether
lovely, and I was enabled to view Him as my Saviour,

144

THOUGHTS ON

and to see that his sufferings were endured for me.
At no time before had I the full assurance of being in
the favour of God; but now every doubt of this was
dissipated. I could say, for the first time with un-
wavering confidence, ' My beloved is mine, and I
am his,' And this assurance of God's favour arose
not from any suggestion or impulse directly made to
my mind, but from the clear view, that Christ, as a
Saviour, was freely offered, and from a conscious
assurance, that I did truly accept the offer. I now
opened my Bible and began to read at the 18th chap-
ter of John and onward. Every word and sentiment
appeared glorious. I seemed to be reading a book
which was perfectly new, and, truly, the sacred pages
seemed to be illuminated with celestial light. And
I rejoiced to think that the Sacred Scriptures would
always be read in the same manner. How little did
I know of the spiritual warfare! After my feelings
had a Httle subsided, but while the glorious truths of
the Gospel were still in full view, I made a formal
and solemn dedication of myself to God, the Father,
Son, and Holy Spirit; and having writing materials
with nie, I wrote down the substance of this covenant,
and subscribed it with my hand.

"I now believed, assuredly, that I was reconciled
to God through Jesus Christ; but being naturally in
dined to be suspicious of myself, I resolved to make
the Holy Scriptures the test of the genuineness of my
exercises, and to leave the final determination to the
fruits produced, as our Lord says, 'By their fruits ye
shall know them.' I remembered that it was writ-
ten, that faith works by love and purifies the heart.
I hoped, therefore, that I should now be delivered
from those evils of the heart with which I had been
lately so much affected. But, alas! in a few days,
I found that the 'old man' was not dead, but had
power to struggle in a fearful manner. I must
acknowledge, therefore, that, after a few weeks, I
was much in the same spiritual condition in which
I was before this remarkable manifestation."

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 145

Here the narration breaks off abruptly. It will not
escape the notice of the attentive reader, that in this
account all circumstances are avoided which could
lead to the discovery of the writer. The true reason
of this, I have reason to believe is, that the writer is
still alive, and has no desire to be made conspicuous.
It would be attended with no advantage to explain
by what means this imperfect narrative came into
my possession. The use which I make of it is not
contrary to the wishes of the writer, while the injunc-
tion is peremptory, that no hint shall be given to the
public, by which it may be conjectured who it is.

It may be remarked, in the first place, on this nar-
rative, that sometimes persons are brought along very
gradually in their acquisition of the knowledge of the
truth. One discovery is made at one time, and an-
other truth is revealed at another time; and between
these steps there may be a long interval. It may
again be remarked, that commonly before a person
comes to the knowledge of a truth, the need of infor-
mation is sensibly felt; and the appropriate means of
communicating it are provided. A book, a sermon,
a casual conversation, may be intimately connected
with our salvation. Those, who commence a religi-
ous life, though they may appear sincere, should
always be urged to go forward; there is much before
them which they have not yet experienced. If they
are not yet in the right way they may arrive at it.
In looking over the various exercises here detailed, I
am utterly at a loss to say when the work of grace
commenced. Perhaps, scarcely any two persons,
taken at random, would agree in this point; for, while
some would scarcely admit, that there was any exer-
cising of saving faith until the last manifestation here
described, others would be for carrying back to the
very beginning of the exercised soul's serious atten-
tion to religion. However this matter may be deci-
ded, one thing, I think, is evident, that it is a great
practical error to suppose, that nothing, connected
essentially with the sinner's conversion, is experien-
ced or done, until the moment of his conversion. He

146 THOUGHTS ON

may have to unlearn many erroneous opinions, taken
up through prejudice or inclination. He must learn
the truth of the Christian rehgion, if unhappily he
has adopted skeptical notions. He must learn to
know what the Bible teaches, as to man's duty, and
the true method of salvation. God's methods of
bringing his chosen into the paths of truth and holi-
ness are often wonderful. They are, at every step,
led in a way which they knew not. How remarka-
bly true is this, as it relates to conviction of sin?
When the sinner is most convinced, he thinks he has
no conviction at all. And in regard to conversion,
what a different thing does it turn out to be in expe-
rience, from what it was conceived to be beforehand.
Whilst the anxious saint was expecting something
miraculous, or entirely out of the way, he experi-
ences a new train of thought, new and pleasing views
of truth, with corresponding emotions, by which the
mind is so occupied, that it has no time nor inclina-
tion to scrutinize the nature or cause of these pleas-
ing exercises. He believes and hopes without asking
himself the question, are these the views and feelings
of a renewed soul? Afterwards, he can look back
and see that faith was exercised in these very acts,
and that the peace which he then enjoyed was the
peace of reconciliation through our Lord Jesus Christ.
But when the love of God is shed abroad in the heart
by the Holy Ghost, as described in the last part of
this narrative, the distressed soul is made sensible at
once of its happy state, and is made to rejoice in the
smiles of the divine favour. Then he can no more
doubt that God is reconciled and has lifted upon him
the light of his countenance, than that the sun is shining
at mid-day. All Christians, however, are not favoured
with these bright discoveries, but always walk in a
degree of darkness, or at best in a mere crepuscular
light; yet they fear the Lord and obey the voice of
his servants. I have known instances of some per-
sons changing their opinion of the time of their own
conversion, several times, and fixing it at different
periods of their experience, as their sentiments be-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 147

came more correct and mature; and those converts
who shine forth more brightly at first, are not always
they who appear best after the lapse of years.

The following narrative of the experience of Sir
Richard Hill, written by himself, is found in his life,
by the Rev. Edwin Sidney, and has been inserted in
the Christian Observer of London, for September,
1839. We make no apology for its length, as we are
confident that all who have a taste for this kind of
reading, will be gratified to have the whole of this
interesting account, without curtailment.

"It would not be an easy matter for me to ascer-
tain the time, when the first dawnings of divine light
began to break in upon my soul; but I remember
particularly that, when I was about eight or nine
years of age, being then at a neighbouring school, and
repeating the catechism one Sunday evening with
some other boys, to the master, I found my heart
sweetly drawn up to heavenly objects, and had such
a taste of the love of God, as made every thing else
appear insipid and contemptible. This was but a
transitory glimpse of the heavenly gift; and I was no
sooner withdrawn with the rest of my school-fellows,
tlian my religious impressions vanished, and I return-
ed to folly with the same eagerness as before. But
God did not leave me to myself; I had frequent checks
of conscience, and the thoughts of death sometimes
came forcibly into my mind. I remained about two
years at the school before mentioned, after which I
was removed to Westminster, where my convictions
still pursued me, and forced me to several superficial
repentances and resolutions; but these, being all made
in my own strength, soon came to nothing.

" When I had been about four or five years at West-
minster, I was to be confirmed with several more of
my school-fellows. I looked upon this as going into
a new state, and therefore made the most solemn
resolutions of becoming a new creature. But, alas!
my happiness and conversion were far from begin-
ning here, as I had fondly imagined. The adversary,
now finding that he was not likely to make me con-

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THOUGHTS ON

tiniie any longer in a state of practical wickedness by
his former stratagems, began to attack me on another
side, viz. by suggesting horrible doubts concerning
the very fundamentals of all religion — as the being of
a God — the immortality of the soul, and the divine
origin of the Scriptures. I endeavoured to reason
myself into the belief of these truths, but all in vain.
However, I thought I might easily get some book
that should convince me of their certainty. Accord-
ingly, I borrowed Dr. Beveridge's Private Thoughts,
of a clergyman's widow, with whom I boarded, she
having first read to me a few pages in that excellent
work. It was, to the best of my remembrance, whilst
she was reading, that such glorious instantaneous
light and comfort were difiiised over my soul, as no
tongue can express; the love of God was shed abroad
in my heart, and I rejoiced with joy unspeakable and
full of glory. However, these comforts, I think, did
not last above half an hour at most, but went off by
degrees, when the same doubts succeeded; upon
which I again had recourse to Bishop Beveridge's
Thoughts, or to conversation on the subject of reli-
gion ; and for several times, as I did this, I experienced
the same manifestations of divine love, which were
sometimes of longer, sometimes of shorter duration.

"At length I began to be tired of this state of un-
certainty, especially as the comforts I had before felt be-
gan to be few and faint. Add to this the bad exam-
ple of my school-fellows, and the despair I began to
be in of obtaining satisfaction of the truth of what is
called natural as well as revealed religion, contributed
not a little to make me lay aside my inquiries, and to
fall into many sins that youth and strong passions
prompted me to; and this I did with the more eager-
ness, as I was desirous of laying hold of every op-
portunity of turning my thoughts from within myself.

" I believe I might now be about eighteen years
of age, when, having gone through the school at
Westminster, I was entered at Magdalen College,
Oxford, where I continued between four and five
years. After which I went abroad for about two

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

149

years more, returning to England in 1757, being then
about the age of twenty-three or twenty-four. During
my residence at Oxford and in foreign parts, notwith-
standing all the wretched pains I took to lull con-
science asleep, still my convictions pursued me; yea,
the more I endeavoured to put from me the thoughts
of my soul by drinking deeper draughts of iniquity,
the more strongly did the insulted Spirit plead with
me, and often in the very act of sin, would so em-
bitter my carnal gratifications and strike me with such
deep remorse, that, oh! horrid to think! I have even
been ready to murmur, because God would not let
me alone, nor suffer me to sin with the same relent-
less satisfaction which I observed in my companions.
"But He that hath loved me with an everlasting
love, had all this while thoughts of mercy towards
me, and would not take his loving kindness utterly
away from me. He therefore waited that he might
be gracious unto me, and followed me with such loud
and constant convictions as often brought me upon
my knees, and sometimes forced me to break off my
sins for a month, or a quarter of a year together, for,
though 1 still remained full of doubts as to the truth
of religion, yet I thought that, if there was a God
and a future state, and if Jesus Christ was indeed the
true Messiah and the author of eternal salvation to
those who obey him, I could by no means be saved
in the state I was in; and that, being uncertain
whether these things were so or not, it was the
highest infatuation to leave the eternal happiness or
misery of my soul at a peradventure, especially as I
could be no loser by admitting the truths of religion,
and living under their influence; whereas, were I to^
continue in sin under the supposition of their being
false, I might find myself fatally mistaken, when it
would be too late to recant or retrieve my error.
But, notwithstanding I came to this conclusion, and
plainly saw its reasonableness, yet were my religious
fits of no long continuance, but every temptation that
offered itself hurried me impetuously away, and I
became seventimes more the child of hell than before.

150 THOUGHTS ON

Nevertheless, every new fall increased my anguish of
spirit, and set me upon praying and resolving; inso-
much, that I frequently bound myself under the most
solemn imprecations.

"But alas! alas! I was, all this while, as igno-
rant of my own weakness, as of Him on whom my
strength was laid; and therefore no wonder all my
attempts to make myself holy, were attended witli no
better success than if I had tried to wash the Ethio-
pian white, and answered no other end than to dis-
tress my soul a thousand times more than if I had
never made such solemn vows; for, all this while, I
had no other notion of religion than that it consisted
in something which I was to do in order to make
God amends for my past sins, and to please him for
the time to come, in consideration of which I should
escape hell and be entitled to everlasting life.

"In this manner I went on vowing and breaking
my vows, sinning, and repenting, till my most mer-
ciful God and Saviour, seeing that all his gracious
calls would not overrule the horrible perverseness
of my will, instead of giving me up, as in just judg-
ment he might have done, or pronouncing against me
that dreadful sentence, 'Cut it down, why cumbereth
it the ground?' — I say, instead of this, he began to
deal with me after a far more violent method than he
had hitherto done, filling my soul with the most un-
imaginable terrors, insomuch that I roared for the
very disquietness of my heart. The arrows of the
Almighty stuck fast in me, the poison whereof drank
up my spirits, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me.

" From this time, which was about October, 1757,
I may say that sin received its mortal blow, (1 mean
its reigning power, for God knows the body of sin
yet is far from being done away,) and I set myself to
work with all the earnestness of a poor perishing
mariner, who is every moment in expectation of
shipwreck. I fasted, prayed, and meditated; I read
the Scriptures, communicated, and gave much alms.
But these things could bring no peace to my soul; on
the contrary, I now saw, what I never had seen be-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

151

fore, that all my works were mixed with sin and im-
perfection. Besides this, Satan furiously assaulted
me with suggestions that I had committed the upar-
donable sin against the Holy Ghost; and had let my
day of grace slip; that therefore my prayers were
cast out of God, and were an abomination to him,
and that it was too late to think of mercy, when it
was the time of judgment.

" It is beyond the power of conception, much more
of expression to form an idea of the dreadful agonies
my poor soul was now in. What to do, or to whom
to have recourse, I knew not; for, alas, I had no ac-
quaintance with any body who seemed to have the
least experience in such cases. However, those
about me showed the greatest concern for my situa-
tion, and offered their remedies for my relief, such as
company, physic, exercise, &c., which, in order to
oblige them, I complied with; but my disorder not
being bodily, but spiritual, was not to be removed by
these carnal quackeries, as they were soon convinced.

«' I recollected, however, that once, if not oftener,
the Rev. Mr. Fletcher, then tutor to two neighbouring
young gentlemen, but since vicar of Madely, in this
county, had, in my hearing been spoken of in a very
disrespectful manner, for things which seemed to me
to savour of a truly Christian spirit. I therefore de-
termined to make my case known to him, and ac-
cordingly wrote him a letter, without mentioning my
name, giving him some account of my situation, and
begging him for God's sake, if he had a word of
comfort to offer to my poor, distressed, despairing
soul, to meet me that very night at an Inn in Salop,
in which place I then was. Though Mr. Fletcher
had four or five miles to walk, yet he came punctually
to the appointment, and spoke to me in a very com-
fortable manner, giving me lo understand that he had
very different thoughts of my state from what I had
myself After our discourse, before he withdrew, he
went to prayer with me; and among other petitions
that he put up in my behalf, he prayed that I might
not trust in my own righteousness, which was an ex-

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THOUGHTS ON

pression, that, though I did not ask him its import, I
knew not well what to make of.

" After my conversation with Mr. Fletcher, I was
rather easier, but this decrease of my terrors was but
for a few days' duration; for, though I allowed that
the promises and comforts he would have me apply
to myself belonged to the generality of sinners, yet I
thought they were not intended for me, who had been
so dreadful a backslider, and who, by letting my day
of grace slip, had sinned beyond the reach of mercy.
Besides I concluded that they could be made effectual
to none but such as had faith to apply them; whereas
I had no faith, consequently they could avail me no-
thing. I therefore wrote again to Mr. F., telling him,
as nearly as I can remember, that however others
might take comfort from the Scripture promises, I
feared none of them belonged to me, who had cruci-
fied the Son of God afresh, and sinned wilfully after
having received the knowledge of the truth. 1 told
him also, that I found my heart to be exceeding hard
and wicked; and that, as all my duties proceeded
from a slavish dread of punishment, and not from the
principles of faith and love, and were withal so very-
defective, I thought it was impossible God should
ever accept them. In answer to this, the kind and
sympathising Mr. F. immediately wrote me a sweet
and comfortable letter, telling me that the perusal of
the account I had given him had caused him to shed
tears of joy to see what great things the Lord had
done for my soul, in convincing me experimentally of
the insufficiency of all my own doings to justify me
before God, and of the necessity of a saving faith in
the blood of Jesus. He also sent me ' The Life and
Death of Mr. Halyburton, Professor of Divinity in
the University of St. Andrews,' which book I read
with the greatest eagerness, as the account Mr. H.
therein gives of himself, seemed in a very particular
manner to tally with my own experience. I there-
fore thought that what had been, might be; that the
same God who had showed himself so powerfully,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 153

on the behalf of Mr. H., and deUvered him out of all
his troubles, was able to do the same for me.

" You will wonder how I could hold out under all
these pressures; the half of which, I might say, has
not been told; and indeed it was impossible I could
have held out, had it not been that, at those very-
times when I thought all was over with "me, there
would, now and then, dart in upon me some com-
fortable glimmering of hope, which kept me utterly
from fainting.

"In this situation I continued from September 1757,
to January 175S, when the Vinerian Professor of
Oxford being to read a course of lectures upon the
Common Law, I resolved to set out for that place,
not through any desire I had to attend the lectures,
for I had no heart for any such thing, but because I
knew I should have chambers to myself in college,
and thereby have an opportunity of being much
alone, and of giving way to those thoughts, with which
my heart was big, as also of seeking the Lord with
greater diligence, if peradventure I might find him.
Accordingly, when I arrived at the University, though
to save appearances, I dragged my body to several of
the lectures, yet my poor heavy-laden soul engrossed
all my attention; and so sharp was the spiritual an-
guish I laboured under, that I scarcely saw a beggar
in the streets, but I envied his happiness, and would
most gladly have changed situations with him, had
it been in my power. 0, thought I, these happy
souls have yet an offer of mercy, and a door of hope
open to them, but it is not so with me; I have re-
jected God so long, that now God has rejected me as
he did Saul; my day of grace is past, irrecoverably
past, and I have forever shut myself out of all the
promises.

"All this while, one thing that greatly astonished
me was, to see the world about me so careless and
unconcerned, especially many that were twice my
age amongst the Doctors of Divinity, and fellows of
the college. Surely, thought I, these people must be
infatuated indeed, thus to mind earthly things and to

154 THOUGHTS ON

follow the lusts of the flesh, when an eternity of hap-
piness or misery is before them, when they know not
how short a time they have to live, and their ever-
lasting state depends on the present moment.

" It was now the season of Lent, the first or second
Sunday in which, the sacrament of the Lord's Supper
is always administered in Magdalen College Chapel.
I therefore besought the Lord with strong cryings,
that he would vouchsafe me some token for good,
some sense of his love towards me, and willingness
to be reconciled to me, that I might wait upon him at
his table without distraction, and partake of those
blessings which that ordinance is instituted to convey
to the souls of true believers.

" And 0, for ever and for ever blessed be his holy
name, he did not reject the prayer of the poor desti-
tute; he heard me what time the storm fell upon me,
and, I make no doubt, had heard, and, in his purpose
at least, answered me, from the first day he inclined
my heart to understand, and to seek after him. But
he knew better than I did myself, when it was meet
to speak peace to my soul, and therefore waited that
he might be gracious unto me; first, in order to con-
vince me the more deeply of the exceeding sinfulness
of sin, and the desert thereof; secondly, to show me
more experimentally my own weakness and the in-
sufficiency of any righteousness of my own to recom-
mend me to his favour; thirdly, to make me prize
more highly, and hunger and thirst more earnestly,
for Jesus Christ, and the salvation that is in him.
These ends being in some measure answered, on
Saturday, February 18th, to the best of my remem-
brance, the night before the sacrament, it pleased the
Lord, after having given me, for a few days before,
some taste of his love, first to bring riie into a com-
posed frame of spirit, and then to convey such a tho-
rough sense of his pardoning grace and mercy to my
poor soul, that I, who was just before trembling upon
the brink of despair, did now rejoice with joy un-
speakable and full of glory! The love of God was
shed abroad in rny heart through the Holy Ghost that

RELIGIOUS EXPERIKNCE.

155

was given unto me, even that perfect love which
casteth out fear; and the Spirit itself bore witness
with my spirit that I was a child of God.

" For some time after these sensible manifestations
of God's love were withdrawn, my mind was com-
posed and my hope lively; but I had still, at seasons,
secret misgivings and many doubts as to the reality
of my conversion, which put me seriously to examine
my state, whether the Scripture marks of a work of
grace were really to be found in me or not; and in
these examinations I had great help from those ex-
cellent books, Guthrie's Trial of a Saving Interest in
Christ, and Palmer's Gospel New Creature. Add to
this, that being now in London, I had there the oppor-
tunity of hearing that faithful minister of Christ, the
Rev. Mr. Romaine, whose discourses were so exactly
descriptive of, and adapted to, my own experience,
that they afforded me a good confirmation that I was
indeed passed from death unto life, and from the
power of Satan unto God.

"During my stay in London, it pleased God to
make me acquainted with many of his people, to
whom my heart was immediately knit with the
closest affection; yea, so great was my love to all
those, in whom I discerned the Divine image of the
Lord Jesus, that the yearnings of Joseph's heart to-
wards his brethren will but very faintly express it.
Be they who or what they would, high or low, rich
or poor, ignorant or learned, it mattered not; if I had
reason to believe they were born of God and made
partakers of a divine nature, they were equally dear to
me; my heart was open to receive them without re-
serve, and I enjoyed the sweetest fellowship and
communion with them, whilst all other company was
insipid and irksome.

"For about two years after this, I was, in a good
measure, relieved from those piercing terrors and that
deep distress with which I was before overwhelmed.
This, you will say, was living upon frames and experi-
ences, more than upon the exceeding great and pre-
cious promises made to returning sinners in Christ

156

THOUGHTS ON

Jesus. It is true it was so, and of this God soon con-
vinced me; for I now began to doubt whether these
great comforts I had set so high a value upon, might
not be all delusion, or proceed from the workings of
my own spirit; and if so, my case was just as bad as
ever. My day of grace might still be past, and no-
thing yet remain for me but 'a fearful looking for of
judgment and fiery indignation.'

"This was in April, 1759, soon after my return
from London into Shropshire, where I had not been
long before I wrote to Mr. Fletcher, giving him an
account of my state. After this it pleased the Lord
to remove my burthen, and to exchange these sharp
terrors of the spirit of bondage, for the sweet reviving
comforts of the spirit of adoption, showing me the
rich treasures of Gospel promises, and that they, and
not my own frames, were to be the ground of my
hope and my stay in every time of need. Since this
time, I may say with Bishop Covvper, that my soul
has never experienced the like extremity of terror;
and though I have had many ups and downs, many
grievous temptations and sharp conflicts, much aridi-
ty of soul, deadness, and strong corruptions to fight
against, yet have I always found the Lord to be a
very present help in trouble; his grace has been suffi-
cient for me in every hour of need, and I doubt not
but all his dealings with me, however thwarting to
my own ideas of what was fit and meet for me, have
some way or other been subservient to my spiritual
interest, since his most sure promise is that all things
work together for good, to them that love God 'and'
are the called according to his purpose."

CHAPTER X.

Imperfect sanctification. — The spiritual warfare.

It may be difficult to account for the fact, that when
the power of God was as sufficient to make the sin-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 157

ner perfect, in the new creation, as to implant a prin-
ciple of spiritual life, he should have left the work
imperfect; and that this imperfection, according to
our views of Scripture, and of the fact as made
known by experience, should continue through the
whole period of human life, to whatever extent it may-
be protracted. Some, indeed, seem to suppose, that
the remainders of sin in believers are seated in the
body, and therefore as long as this sinful body conti-
nues, this inbred corruption will manifest itself, more
or less. This opinion seems to have been imbibed, at
a very early period of the history of the church, and
was probably derived from the Platonic philosophy,
which considers matter to be the origin of evil. From
this view of the seat of indwelling sin, men, in all
ages, who entertained it, have been led to lay great
stress on fasting and other bodily austerities, by which
the body was enfeebled and emaciated. But, the
principle assumed being false, all that is built upon it
must be false likewise. The body, though infected
with the pollution of sin, through its connexion with
the soul, is not, and cannot be the source of iniquity.
Mere matter, however curiously organized and ani-
mated, is apart from the soul, no moral agent, and
therefore not susceptible of moral qualities. Sin must
have its origin and seat in the free ratienal soul, arsd
the appetites and passions, which have their seat in
the body, partake of the nature of sin, by their excess
and irregularity, and by their cravings, often influence
the will to choose that which is not good, or is not the
best. Still, however, the body is a great clog to the
soul, and the appetites and passions, which are seated
in the body, being very urgent in their cravings for
gratification, greatly disturb the exercises of piety,
and sometimes prevail against the higher principles
which by grace have been implanted. As the body
is also subject to various diseases, these, on account
of the close connexion between the soul and body,
mightily aff"ect the mind, and often create a great hin-
derance to devotion, and the exercises of piety.

Where two opposite principles exist in the same
11

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THOUGHTS ON

soul, there must be a perpetual conflict between
them, until "the weaker dies." But as the "old
man," though crucified, never becomes extinct in this
life, this warfare between the flesh and spirit never
ceases until death. As these opposite moral princi-
ples operate through the same natural faculties and
aflections, it is a matter of course, that as the one gains
strength, the other must be proportionably weakened;
and experience teaches that the most effectual way
to subdue the power of sin, is, to cherish and exer-
cise the principle of holiness. But, if the love of God
grows cold, or declines in vigour, then the motions of
sin become more lively, and the stirring of inbred cor-
ruption is sensibly experienced. Just then, in the same
proportion, will the principle of evil be diminished,
as the principle of grace is strengthened. Every vic-
tory, over any particular lust, weakens its power; and
by a steady growth in grace, such advantage is ob-
tained over inbred sin, that the advanced Christian
maintains the mastery over it, and is not subject to
those violent struggles which were undergone when
this warfare commenced. Young Christians, how-
ever, are often greatly deceived by the appearance of
the death of sin, when it only sleeps, or deceitfully
hides itself, waiting for a more favourable opportunity
to exert itself anew. When such an one experiences,
in some favoured moment, the love of God shed
abroad in his heart, sin appears to be dead, and those
lusts which warred against the soul, to be extin-
guished; but when these lively feelings have passed
away, and carnal objects begin again to entice, the
latent principle of iniquity shows itself; and often
that Christian who had fondly hoped that the enemy
was slain and the victory won, and in consequence,
ceased to watch and pray, is suddenly assailed and
overcome by the deceitfulness of sin. Christians are
more injured in this warfare, by the insidious and
secret influence of their enemies lulling them into the
sleep of carnal security, than by all their open and
violent assaults. No duty is more necessary, in main-
taining this conflict, than watchfulness. Unceasing

RELICI0T7S EXPERIENCE. 1 59

vigilance is indispensable. "Watch and pray that
ye enter not into temptation," — "and what I say unto
you, I say unto all, watch." Lawful pursuits are
more frequently a snare than those which are mani-
festly sinful. It is a duty "to provide things honest
in the sight of all men," but whrie this object is in-
dustriously pursued, the love of the world gradually
gains ground. The possession of wealth is viewed as
important. Eternal things are out of view, or viewed
as at a great distance, and the impression from them
is faint. Wordly entanglements and embarrassments
are experienced; the spiritual life is weakened. A
sickly state commences, and a sad declension ensues.
Alas! for the Christian now. Where is the burning
zeal with which he commenced his course? Where
now are the comforts of religion, with which he was
so entirely satisfied, that the world was viewed as an
empty bauble? Where now is his spirit of prayer,
which made this duty his delight? Where his love of
the Bible, which drew him aside often from wordly
business to peruse its sacred instructions? 0! what a
change! Reader, it is, perhaps, tliy own case. "Thou
art the man" who has tlius fallen, and left thy first
love. " Repent, therefore, and do the first works,"
lest some heavy judgment fall upon thee. God holds
a rod for his own children, and when the warnings
and exiiortations of the word, and the secret whis-
pers of the Spirit are neglected, some painful provi-
dence is sent — some calamity, which has so much
natural coimexion with the sin, as to indicate that it
is intended as a chastisement for it. These strokes
are often very cutting and severe, but they must be so
to render them effectual. "'No chastening for the
present, seemeth to be joyous, but grievous, never-
theless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of
righteousness unto them which are exercised there-
by." Our heavenly Father afflicteth not willingly,
but " for our profit, that we might be partakers of his
holiness." The followers of Dr. Hawker, in England,
who are ultra Calvinists, entertain the opinion, that
"the law in our members" is not, in the least, affected

160 THOUGHTS ON

or weakened, by our regeneration or sanctification,
but that through life, it remains the very same, no
how weakened in its strength, by any progress in the
divine life which the Cln'istian may make. But this
is contrary to the word of God, which speaks of
"dying daily unto sin" — of "mortifying the deeds of
the body" — "crucifying the flesh," &c. The same
opinion, or one near akin to it, was held by Mr.
William Walker, of Dublin, which he brings to view
in his able "address to the Wesleyan Methodists."
His opinion, however, I think, was, that there is no
such thing as a progressive work of sanctification
which word properly means a consecration to God.

In a former chapter, I mentioned the different views
of different denominations of Christians respecting the
nature of the soul's exercises in conversion, but this
difference is far more considerable as it relates to the
spiritual conflict and sanctification. It is far from the
wish of the writer to give offence to any body of
Christians, much less to provoke controversy. This is
no proper field for controversy. In the midst of this
militant state, there ought to be one peaceful ground,
where all true followers of Jesus might sit down to-
gether and compare their experiences of the loving
kindness and faithful dealings of tlieir Lord and Mas-
ter. But surely it ought not to be offensive to any
body of Christians simply to state what their views
are in regard to experimental religion, and how far
they agree or differ from those of other Christians.
If there be mistakes, or erroneous views, on any side,
they should be considered and corrected. And the
writer of these essays will be thankful to any one
who will kindly point out any mistakes in regard to
matters of fact into which he may happen to fall.
There has long been a difference of opinion respect-
ing the true interpretation of the seventh chapter of
the epistle to the Romans, respecting Paul's descrip-
tion of the spiritual conflict, whether he describes the
exercises of a convinced sinner, whom he personates;
or whether he does not express honestly the feelings
of his own heart, and describe the painful conflict be-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 161

tvveen the powers of sin and holiness which was go-
ing on in his own bosom. The latter, undoubtedly,
is the obvious meaning, for the apostle speaks in the
first person, and gives no notice of introducing a per-
son of another character; and some of the expres-
sions here employed, are as strongly descriptive of a
regenerate heart as any in the Bible. Who, but a re-
generate man, can say, " I delight in the law of God
after the inward man !" And the closing words show
clearly enough, that the apostle was detailing the
exercises of his own soul; for he give thanks to God
for giving him the victory, in this severe conflict, but
still intimates that the two irreconcilable principles
continued, according to their respective natures, to
operate within him. " I thank God, through Jesus
Christ our Lord. So then, with the mind, I myself
serve the law of God, but with the flesh, the law of
sin.'' Arminius began his career of departure from
the commonly received opinions of the reformed
churches, by writing a book in exposition of the vii.
of the Romans; and it is a remarkable coincidence
that Faustus Socinus, in Poland, was engaged at the
same time in writing a book on the same subject, and
to support the same views. Tliis subject is excel-
lently treated in one of President Dickinson's Letters;
and more largely by " Frazer on Sanctification." The
same subject is also treated accurately and judiciously
by Dr. Hodge, in his commentary on the Epistle to
the Romans. It is understood that the followers of
Mr. John Wesley, hold, in conformity with his re-
corded opinion, that sanctification is not a gradual
and progressive work, which remains imperfect in
the best, in this life, but that, like regeneration, it is
instantaneous, and that the result is a complete de-
liverance from indwelling sin; so that from that mo-
ment they are perfectly holy, and sin no more — unless
they fall from this high state of grace — in thought,
word, or deed. Here then there can be no similarity
between the religious experience of an Arminian,
who has attained sanctification, and a Calvinist, who
is seeking to grow in grace and in the knowledge of

162 THOUGHTS ON

our Lord Jesus Christ. The one is conscious of no
sin, inward or outward, of nature or of act, and must
have perpetual joy — a heaven on earth; while the
other is groaning under a deep sense of inherent de-
pravity, wiiich works powerfully against his will, and
continually interrupts and retards his progress. His
frequent language is, " 0 wretched man that I am,
who shall deliver me from the body of this death!"
Here, indeed, we have a wide difference in the reli-
gious experience of professing Christians; and it must
be acknowledged, that if the experience of the Ar-
minian is in accordance with the word of God, he
has greatly the advantage over the contrite, broken
hearted penitent, whose complaints are so great that
they often cause him to wet his couch with tears.
How to reconcile these widely different views of our
condition as sanctified sinners, I know not. There
must be a grand mistake somewhere; and I sincerely
pray to God, that if my views on this subject are
erroneous, they may be corrected!

The Christian is a soldier, and must expect to en-
counter enemies, and to engage in many a severe
conflict. The young convert may well be likened to
a raw recruit just enlisted. He feels joyous and
strong, full of hope and full of courage. When the
veteran Christian warns him of coming dangers and
formidable enemies, and endeavours to impress on
his mind a sense of his weakness and helplessness
without divine aid, he does not understand what he
says. He apprehends no dangers or enemies which
he is not ready to face, and is ready to think that the
aged disciples, with whom he converses, have been
deficient in courage and skill, or have met with ob-
stacles which are now removed out of the way. He
views the contests, of which they speak, as the young
soldier does the field of battle at a distance, while he
is enjoying his bounty-money, and marches about
with a conscious exultation, on account of his mili-
tary insignia, and animated with martial music.
The young Christian is commonly treated by his
Lord with peculiar tenderness. He is like the babe,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

163

dandled on the knee, and exposed to no hardships.
His frames are Uvely, and often joyous, and he hves
too much upon them. His love to the Saviour and
to the saints is fresh and fervent, and his religious
zeal, though not well regulated by knowledge, is
ardent. He often puts older disciples to the blush
by the warmth of his affections, and his alacrity in
the service of his Redeemer, and it is well, if he does
not sometimes indulge a censorious spirit, in judging
those who have been long exercised in the spiritual
life. This is indeed the season of his "first love"
which began to flow in the day of his espousals; and
though occasionally dark clouds intercept his views,
these are soon forgotten, when the clear sunshine
breaks forth to cheer him on his way. During this
period he delights in social exercises, especially in
communion with those of his own age, and hi prayer,
and in praise, and spiritual conversation, his heart is
lifted up to heaven, and he longs for the time, when
he may join the songs of the upper temple. But ere
long the scene changes. Gradually the glow of fer-
vent affections subsides. Worldly pursuits, even the
most lawful and necessary, steal away the heart; and
various perplexing entanglements beset the inexperi-
enced traveller. He begins to see that there v/ere
many things faulty in his early course. He blames
his own weakness or enthusiasm; and, in avoiding
one extreme he easily falls into the opposite, to which
human nature has a strong bias. He enters into more
intercourse with the world, and, of course, imbibes in-
sensibly some portion of its spirit. This has a deaden-
ing efi'ect on his religious feelings; and his devotions
are less fervent and less punctual; and far more inter-
rupted with vain, wandering thoughts, than before;
and he is apt to fall into a hasty or formal attendance
on the daily duties of the closet; and a little matter will
sometimes lead him to neglect these precious seasons
of grace. A strange forgetfulness of the presence of
God, and of his accountableness for every thought,
word, and action, seizes upon him. Close self-exami-
nation becomes painful, and when attempted, is un-

164

THOUGHTS ON

successful. New evils begin to appear springing up
in the heart. The imagination, before he is aware,
is filled with sensual imagery, which affording carnal
pleasure, the train of his thoughts is with difficulty-
changed. A want of prompt resolution is often the
occasion of much guilt, and mucii unhappiness. Pride
is sure to lift its head when God is out of view; and
it is wonderful how this and kindred evils will get
possession and grow, so as to be visible to others,
while the person himself is not aware of the disease.
Anger, impatience, fretfulness, envy, undue indul-
gence of the appetites, love of riches, fondness for
dress and show, the love of ease, aversion to spiritual
duties, with numerous similar and nameless evils are
now bred in the heart, and come forth to annoy
and retard the Christian in his course. His pride
makes him unwilling to open his ear to friendly and
fraternal reproof; such words fall heavily on him,
and wound his morbid sensibility, so that a conflict
takes place between a sense of duty and unmortified
pride. He inwardly feels that the rebuke of a brother
is just and should be improved to the amendment of
the evil pointed out; but pride cannot brook the
thought of being exposed and humbled; and he tries
to find something in the manner or circumstances
which can be censured; or suspicion will ascribe it
to a bad motive. If in this spiritual conflict, pride
should gain the victory, alas how much sin follows
in its train; — resentment towards a kind brother, hy-
pocrisy in concealing the real dictates of conscience,
and approbation of the inner man ; and a neglect of
all efforts at improvement. The person thus circum-
stanced, is instinctively led to endeavour to persuade
himself that he has done right. Still, however, the
language of his better part is that of self-condemna-
tion. But he hushes it up, and assumes an air of
innocence and boldness, and thus the Spirit is griev-
ed. Who can describe the train of evils which ensue,
on one defeat of this kind? The mind becomes dark
and desolate; conmiunion with God is interrupted,
and a course of backsliding commences, which some-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 165

times goes on for years, and then the wanderer is not
arrested and brought back without severe chastise-
ment. In such cases the judgments of God against
his own straying children are fearful; and if any
experience them not, who have thus dechned, it is
because they are not children, "for what son is he
whom the father chasteneth not?"

Worldly prosperity has ever been found an un-
favourable soil for the growth of piety. It blinds the
mind to spiritual and eternal things, dries up the
spirit of prayer, fosters pride and ambition, furnishes
the appropriate food to covetousness, and leads to a
sinful conformity to the spirit, maxims, and fashions
of the world. Some few have been enabled to pass
this ordeal, without serious injury; and have come
forth like the three children from Nebuchadnezzar's
furnace, without the smell of fire on iheir garments;
but this could not have been unless the Son of Man
had been with them. Such persons use all their
health, influence, and wealth in promoting the king-
dom of Christ; but generally, God in mercy, refuses
to give worldly prosperity to his children. He hath
chosen the poor of this world, rich in faith ; that is,
he liath commonly chosen poverty as the safest con-
dition for his children. His are "an afflicted and
poor people, and they shall trust in the name of the
Lord." But the poor have their conflicts and temp-
tations, as well as the rich. They are continually
tempted to discontent, to envy at the prosperity of the
rich, and sometimes to use unlawful means to satisfy
their craving wants. On account of the dangers of
both these conditions, Agur prayed, " Give me neither
poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for
me; lest I be full and deny thee, and say, who is the
Lord; or lest I be poor and steal and take the name
of my God in vain." But in whatever state Provi-
dence has placed us, we should therewith be content.
Certainly when Christians make haste to be rich,
they are not governed by the wisdom which cometh
from above. No wonder that they pierce themselves
through with many sorrows, and are often in danger

166

THOUGHTS ON

of eternal perdition. If we sought wealth from no
other motive but to use it for God's glory, it would
do us no harm; for this principle would regulate the
pursuit; so that it would not be detrimental to the
kingdom of God within us.

The enemies of the Christian have been commonly
divided into three classes, the world, the flesh, and the
devil; but thougli these may be conceived of, and
spoken of separately, they resist the Christian soldier
by their combined powers. The devil is the agent,
the world furnishes the bait or the object of tempta-
tion, and the flesh, or our own corrupt nature, is the
subject on which the temptation operates. Some-
times, indeed, Satan injects his fiery darts, enkindled
in hell, to frighten the timid soul, and drive it to des-
pair; but in this he often overshoots his mark, and
drives the poor trembHng soul nearer to his Captain,
whose broad shield aff"ords ample protection. And
we are not to suppose that we are not often led as-
tray by the enticements of sin within us, without the
aid of Satan; but we need not be afraid of charging
too much evil upon this arch adversary. He is ever
on the alert, and is exceedingly cautious in his ap-
proaches. Long experience has doubtless greatly
increased his power and subtlety, unless he should bo
more restrained than formerly. Some people make a
mock of Satan's temptations, as though they were the
dreams of superstitious souls. Not so Paul, and
Peter, and John — not so Luther, and Calvin, and
Zuingle. Not so any who understand the nature of
the spiritual warfare. It is to the great injury of
many professors, that they are not constantly on the
watch against the wiles of the devil. If you wish
to know where he will be likely to meet you, I
would say, in your closet, in the church, on your bed,
and in your daily intercourse with men. A single
thought which suddenly starts up in your mind, will
show that the enemy is near, and is suggesting such
thoughts, as without his agency never can be ac-
counted for. " Watch, therefore," " resist the devil,
and he will flee from vou."

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. " 167

CHAPTER XI.

Narrative of G A S , an Episcopal Clergyman. — Narra

live of a young Officer in the Army.

The following is the religious experience of G

A S , an Episcopal Clergyman in H-

which he recently communicated to the author of
these essays, to be used as he might think proper.

" I entered the military academy at West Point, in
the summer of 1825; the second year of the present
Bishop Mcllvaine's residence there as chaplain. I
sat under his preaching 'as with the Spirit of God,'
with eyes that did not see, and ears that did not hear.
The Bishop departed, the curse was still upon my
soul. Finally, I became much involved in the spirit
of infidelity, together with several others. One even-
ing, in particular, I trembled at the thoughts of our
conversation: in the darkness of our minds, we had
denied all. A few days afterwards, one of my com-
panions, noted for his brightness of intellect, called at
my room, and said, I have been reading 's ' Evi-
dences of the Christian Religion,' and it has almost
persuaded me to be a Christian. I well remember
with what great delight I received the communica-
tion, resolving to get the book, and ' see if those things
were so;' not however, with any view or desire of
becoming a Christian, at present. In due time, the
book was procured, I retired to my room, my heart as
hard as tlie mill-stone, the heavens over my head as
brass, and the earth beneath my feet as iron. I
opened to the introduction, the most blind of unbe-
lievers; all around me were perfect clouds and dark-
ness. I began to read, I had proceeded half way-
through the introduction, and ivas suddenly im-
pressed^ that the religion of Christ tvas of God. I
did not doubt its truth more than I did my life: yet I
was entirely without argument. At that time I could
have given no reason, yet I did not doubt. I felt
a perfect belief that an Omnipresent Spirit did it.

168 THOUGHTS ON

Before, I hardly believed there was a God: now I felt
it as by a two-edged sword. It was a most awfully
sublime moment; yet I had not the least fear. I did
not even think of sin. The next impression was,
that I was undergoing a conversion. This, I would
not then: the thought was very pleasant, that now I
knew Christ died for the world; and that at some
future time, I would go further in his love. I was
happy, sublime; no terror; a thought did not enter my
mind of the consequence of delay. To avoid the
progress of conversion, I threw down the book per-
fectly satisfied, for I had attained to one of the most
splendid pieces of consciousness imaginable; a sight
beyond the veil, within eternity, worth thousands of
worlds to me. I turned to think of something else.
And oh! the horrors of hell, how they came flooding
in upon my soul. I felt that an Omnipotent hand
was guiding them there. Commensurate with my
agony, was my awful sense of sinfulness; a convic-
tion of sin, righteousness, and judgment to come, rose
before my eyes in immense reality. I felt no anguish,
no fear, no sin, until I resolved not to attend to these
things at present. My anguish of soul became in-
supportable, it thickened and darkened, I could not
endure it longer. And ivith the sole ^;^e^^ of escaping
my present misery, I resolved to yield to the will of
that Mighty Being who was rending my soul. I in-
stantly caught up the book, and offered a prayer for
mercy. The intensity of my anguish began immedi-
ately to subside. The wrath of God seemed to miti-
gate, in a few moments, I settled down into a state of
deep and solemn conviction ofsiji; a^tate more tolera-
ble than the former; but still one ^ gloom so thick
that it could be felt. A mountain weight pressed
upon my soul; how to remove it I knew not, for the
spirit still held me bound. I did not know but this
was to continue through life. I endeavoured to lose
my feelings, and feel at ease, but I could not. I knew
nothing of the way of salvation; I had no spiritual
guide; but in order to keep my present sorrow as
light as possible, I continued to read and pray for

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. IGO

mercy. Thus I continued in the wilderness for about
a week: when, sitting by my fireside, dwelling upon
my despair, a sudden light came down from heaven;
I saw the open gate—' the wai/, the trui/i, and the
{{A' — a new song was put into my mouth, and I re-
joiced with joy unspeakable, and full of glory ! Un-
speakable gratitude be to the Father, Son, and Holy
Ghost, forever and ever.' I have thought that two
particulars in the above are worthy of notice. 1st.
The motives that actuated me. 2d. Tiiat being per-
fectly ignorant of the way of salvation, the Spirit was
a perfect teacher."

There are several things very remarkable in the
preceding narrative. The delight at finding an infidel
companion convinced, or almost convinced of his
error; the desire to see the book which had produced
this effect; the sudden persuasion of the truth of the
Christian religion, by a sudden impression on the
mind, the elevated happiness experienced on account
of having discovered the truth, the determination still
not to become a Christian at present, the liorror and
anguish consequent on this resolution, the relief ob-
tained by resuming attention to religion, and finally,
the discovery of the way of salvation through Christ'
when the moment before, no idea was entertained of
such a way, are all remarkable circumstances; and to
some, may seem to savour of enthusiasm. But we
cannot prescribe limits to the Holy Spirit, in his ways
of leading benighted souls into the path of life. Still,
it may be asked, Iiow could there be a rational con-
viction of the truth of Christianity, when the individ-
ual knew no reasons or arguments in favour of it?
To which it may be answered, that Christianity has
a light of its own, independent of all external evi-
dences; and if the Spirit of God cause one ray of this
divine light to irradiate the mind the truth becomes
manifest. This person was on the borders of athe-
ism. By an awful impression on his mind, God
caused him to feel and know that He existed, and
held him in his hand; and at the same time, let a ray
of light from Divine Revelation into his mind. Sup-

170 THOUGHTS ON

pose a number of human beings to be educated in a
dark cavern, where they never saw the light of
heaven; but being visited by one and another who
testified to them the existence of the celestial lumi-
naries, the candid among them, upon weighing the
evidence, would acknowledge the existence of such
bodies; although, of necessity, their conceptions of
these objects would be very inadequate. But some,
depending on their own reason, might reject the testi-
mony as a mere fabrication, since what was related
was totally contrary to all their own experience. Sup-
pose then that the guardian of these subterranean
inhabitants, should take one of these skeptics to a
point where a single ray of light from the sun should
be let in upon his eyes, how wonderful the sensation,
how sublime the emotion, how strong now the per-
suasion of the existence of such a bright luminary !
The doubts of such an one, however deep and invet-
erate, would be dissipated in a moment ; not by ar-
gument; where we possess intuition, argument is
superfluous. So, in the case before us, one ray of
divine light produced instantaneously, the undoubted
persuasion of the divine existence, and that the Chris-
tian religion was from God. The next ray of light
opened to the astonished view of the man, the awful
sinfulness of his character, and discovered to him that
he was in the hands of an angry God, from whose
terrors he could not escape; and the third cast a clear
light on the way of salvation, filling the soul with
joy unspeakable. The only thing which seems con-
trary to our common theory is, that the person sup-
posed, that he was taught the method of salvation by
the Spirit without any aid from the external teaching
of the word. Now, this is very possible; but it
would be of the nature of inspiration and not mere
illumination. I am, therefore, of opinion, that there
was within the knowledge of the individual so much
acquaintance with Christ and his mediatorial work,
that, agreeably to his usual method, the Spuit took of
the things of Christ, and showed it unto him. And
ahhough now, when inspiration has ceased, the Spirit

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 171

makes no new revelations to men; yet he often brings
to tlieir remembrance trutlis once known, bnt which
may have been long forgotten. According to John
xiv. 26: see also xvi. 8 — 14. One single evangelical
text may be made the object of saving faith.

It is exceedingly gratifying to be made acquainted
with such cases. It shows that the Holy Spirit, who
operates where and when he will, is often at work
on the minds of those whom we would least sus-
pect to be thus visited. Here a thoughtless cadet
at our military academy, falls into infidelity, yea, athe-
ism; is surrounded by companions in the same state
of mind. Providence throws a book of " Evidences"
in his way; and, while he reads, a new light darts
into his mind; not from the book, but from the Father
of lights, and this infidel young man becomes a
preacher of that very gospel, which he aimed to de-
stroy. Latjs Deo.

The writer of the following narrative, is a young
officer of high promise, belonging to the American
army. It is a pleasing thing to find that men, who,
by their profession, are commonly far removed from
the usual means of grace, are not beyond the reach
of the divine mercy. It is much to be desired that
both our army and navy should be supplied with a
competent number of pious and exemplary chaplains;
but this want seems to be very little felt, and therefore
is very imperfectly provided for. When men of either
of these professions embrace religion, they are com-
monly remarkable for the eminence of their piety. The
fact is, that they are exposed to so much ridicule and
opposition, that unless their religious impressions were
strong, and their resolutions firmly fixed, they would
not be able to stand up against the opposing current.

This narrative will at least encourage the hearts of
pious parents, who have sons in exposed situations,
not to despair of their conversion, but to be incessant
in their prayers, that God would graciously follow
them with the strivings of his Holy Spirit, and in due
season bring them to the foot of the cross. And may
it not be a good opportunity to remind all praying

172 THOUGHTS ON

persons, that in the variety of their intercessions, the
young men in our army and navy should not be for-
gotten. As long as such institutions are needed, they
who are set for the defence of our country, by sea and
land, should not be forgotten in the prayers of Chris-
tians and of the Church.

" I entered the Military Academy in 1S28. As was
customary with my parents, I was furnished with a
Bible, with the injunction to read it often, and make it
the rule of my life. Like most other youths, however,
I kept it in my trunk; and I blush while I say it, I do
not believe that during the whole time I was there, four
years, I took it out to read more than six times; and
then, probably, I had a desire to, if I did not actually
conceal the act from my room-mates around me. How
strange the aversion to that good Book, and yet how
general this antipathy in the thoughtless around us!
I must confess, however, that though my aversion to
it was strong, I had a firm belief in its truth, and
though in such a body of young men, I could not, but
now and then, hear an effort on the part of one or
another around me, to convince himself of its untruth,
yet, I must say, that I never could get rid of the fear
of God in my heart, or of the firm conviction of the
truth of His word. Still, however, I graduated an
impenitent sitmer; and being let loose from scholastic
restraint, and left to my own guidance, like most
other youths under the same circumstances, I fol-
lowed the ways of pleasure and worldly gratification.

"After graduating, in 1832, I went home. But,
alas, how changed ! My father and brother had both
gone during my absence, to that bourne from which
no traveller returns. Their spirits had fled — it is
hoped to heaven. I did not see them in their dying
hours; but their spirits, though gone, still speak. I
was told of the anxiety they both expressed, just
before death, on my account; and in particular the
reply of my father, to the question asked him, if he
had any word to send to me: 'No, only to read my
letters,' was his reply. Yes, father, I have read
those letters, and long shall they be treasured up in

KELIGIOUS EXPERIE^'CE.

173

recollection of thy solicitude. But I must continue
my narrative. Though the scenes at home, this visit,
were impressive, yet they did not result in producing
within me the conviction that I was a sinner. I left
my home again as impenitent as I had come. This
time my sister furnished me with a Bible, with the
prayer written in it, that I ' would make it the rule of
my conduct and the guide of my life.' As before, I
stowed it away in my trunk; thence scarcely, if ever
at all, to come out. Probably for years together, I
did not so much as look into it, and during all this
time, except when at home, I was as much a stranger
to the church, as I was to the Bible. Indeed, what
is more shameful, in 1836, I, in some unaccountable
way lost my Bible; so that, from that time till the
latter part of the year 1838, or during an interval of
two years, I was entirely without one: and during
all tliis time, besides having no Bible, (I did not
dream of buying one,) I was so situated, at least for
much the greater portion of the time, that I could not
have access to any church. I was serving with the
army, against the Indians at the South, and every
one knows how ill calculated an active life in the
field is to produce serious impression. Still, I may
say, during all this time I had the fear of God before
my eyes; though not to the extent as to cause me to
love and serve Him, or to cut off any of my darling
pleasures. And yet how good the Lord was! Though
I went on sinning, day after day, and was often
thrown into discussion with infidels around me, who
strove their utmost to argue or laugh me out of what
they would call my early prejudices, and though I
indulged in reading infidel productions, Tom Paine's
work among the number, yet still His Spirit would
strive with me, and would not give me entirely over
to my own devices.

'' I returned North in the fall of 1 838, and again saw
my widowed mother; she who had nurtured me with
a Christian's care, and had early instilled into me
those religious principles and feelings, which, by the
grace of God, had never been entirely lost to me, and

174

THOUGHTS ON

to which under the same spiritual influence, I must
attribute my having been kept from utterly falUng
away. I saw her again, exhibiting as before, the
chastening influences of the reHgion she professed.
The same calm and resigned countenance; the same
sweet smile of welcome, still showed the powerful
influence of the Holy Spirit upon her heart. I thought
I could see the workings of her feelings in my behalf;
and- 1 could not but imagine that in every look she
gave me, she ofl'ered up a prayer on my account.

"I lefther for a station North. I may say I went away
this time with better feelings than I ever did before. I
had had, by this time, some experience of the world,
and had already thought of the nothingness of its
pleasures; and, besides, the calm, peaceful, and happy
deportment of my mother, made me anxious to be-
come a partaker also of religion. I went away with the
firm determination of at least looking more into the
Bible, and thus to take the first step towards making
myself better. Another sister, this time, on my
leaving her, presented me with a Testament. This,
when I got to my station, I read, or attempted to
read, every evening. I tasked myself to one chapter.
But a late return from a party, or ball, would cause
me to defer it till the morning! and then if the break-
fast bell should arouse me from my slumbers, I would
neglect it till the evening. And so, between the par-
ties and balls, and indolence in the morning, my
reading of the Testament was very irregular. But
still, I had a great respect for religion, and admired
the truths of the gospel. I would always uphold
good principles of conduct in those around me, and
wotild as often reprobate those that were bad. But
all my ideas of virtue were founded on a wrong basis.
I believed that it was in the power of every indivi-
dual, of himself, to do good and eschew evil. And,
therefore, when I did see good principles in those
around me, my admiration was upon the individual
himself and not upon the Holy Spirit which restrained
him; and when I saw wickedness in those aroimd
me, my condemnation, (and my self-righteousness

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 175

could not make it too strong,) was upon the indi-
vidual, and not upon the sin which impelled him.

"But still, though I strongly criticised the conduct of
others; upholding the good and denouncing the bad;
yet I felt that I was not a Christian, in the Bible sense
of the term. I knew this from my utter inability to
pray. On retiring, I had often attempted to realize
the overshadowing presence of a God above me; but
all was hard, dark, and impenetrable. I could not
realize the existence of an all merciful Saviour.
During all this time, I regularly attended divine ser-
vice, at least once a day, every Sunday. I was de-
lighted to either hear or read a good sermon. But I
heard, or read it, more with* the feelings of a critic
than of an humble follower of the lowly Jesus, desi-
ring the sincere milk of the Word. And so, whenever
the preacher expatiated upon the beauties of virtue,
though I received pleasure from his discourse, yet I
had none of the consciousness that virtue was to be
followed because God had commanded it; but because
it seemed to be a necessary element in society; and,
perhaps, because its votary reciprocally recommended
himself to society, by its pursuit. I recollect, in par-
ticular, that Dr. Chalmer's sermons afforded me great
satisfaction. But the beautiful imagery in them, as
well as his elegant diction, probably pleased me quite
as much as the truths he inculcated,

" Things went on in this way, for nearly a year,
when at the close of this time, I began to feel myself
strongly tempted by the evil one, though, at the lime,
I did not attribute it to this unseen Spirit. Probably,
it is better to say, (to use the language I would have
then used,) I was uneasy, discontented, looked at
things awry, extracted more of the bitter than the
sweet from the things and circumstances around me;
or, in other words, was extremely miserable. I could
experience no joy from the things of earth, and of the
joys of heaven, I knew nothing of them.

"But thanks to a good and righteous God, he was
pleased to let me into this state, to show me that all
my hopes of happiness from earthly things were vain.

176 THOUGHTS ON

I was in the act of throwing myself on the settee,
when I carelessly took up the Bible, which happened
to be lying near me. The first chapter I opened at,
was the 1st Epistle general of Peter, chapter 1st.
But how shall I describe my feelings, the moment I
cast my eyes upon its pages! My heart was melted
into deep contrition. I felt the love of God shed
abroad in my whole being. I was convinced that I
had the Holy Spirit at work within me. I was affect-
ed to tears at his goodness. 1 tvept like a child. I
felt that I had been a sinner. My ingratitude came
like a flood upon me. I was overcome with gratitude
for his mercy. It completely possessed my whole
being. I rejoiced in the thought, that though I had
been a wanderer from him, yet that he was a good
and kind Saviour, and was ready to forgive me all
the injuries I had done him. I could indeed say,
with deep conviction, as I read the passage which
presented itself to me: 'Blessed be the God and
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which, according to
his abundant mercy, hath begotten us again unto a
lively hope, by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, from
the dead.' Indeed, this whole chapter seemed to be
perfectly adapted to my state. I recollect, in particu-
lar, the eighth verse was singularly pleasing to me.
' Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom though
now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy
unspeakable, and full of glory.'

"Another remarkable circumstance connected with
this display of divine goodness, was, the wonderful
acuteness of intellect I felt myself to have, in reading
the word of God. And not only could I perceive
things in the gospel that I never saw before, but I
felt my whole character changed. I felt not only a
strong love to God, but to every body around me. I
could have wept over the bosom of my bitterest ene-
my. Oh, the joys of that momeiit! But, alas, how
vain and impotent are the attempts of man, unless the
Holy Spirit of God remains with him. I recollect
very well, that I thought I would go and see the
minister, and tell him what had passed. But not

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

177

acting up to the suggestion immediately, I neglected
it, and soon again, sad to say, I had relapsed into my
former forgetfulness of the Lord. The fear of the
ridicule of the world had been too strong for my faith,
and I felt, too, that I could not yet give up the world,
and declare myself on the Lord's side. But still he
would not let me go. He would not give me up. I
was removed shortly afterward to another station,
and here I can see the all gracious design of Provi-
dence in this change. I was by this means thrown
into the society of several pious officers. One in
particular, whom I valued very highly, and who, the
very evening he conversed with me upon the good-
ness of God, in twice leading him back from signal
relapses into sin, was seized with the fever, that in
five days carried him to his grave, was in particular
of great service to me, under the divine blessing, in
confirming me in my resolves to renounce the world,
and cleave unto the Lord; and so indeed were all the
others. Suffice it to say, that not many months after,
I came among them, 1 openly proclaimed myself on
the Lord's side, and sealed the covenant by partaking
of the emblems of his body and blood. And it is an
additional source of happiness for me to state, that it
was not long after that, the partner of my bosom, also
renounced the world, and joined me in the race set
before us in the gospel.

"The foregoing narrative, I have thought would be
of some interest to you. But if it serve no other pur-
pose than to show you how good the Lord has been
to me, it will answer its end.'^

CHAPTER XII.

The spiritual conflict.— Various exhibitions of it.— Evil thoughts.—
A case in illustration.

We have spoken of the Christian's enemies, in the
general, it is now intended to enter into a more partic-

178 THOUGHTS ON

ular view of the conflict which is experienced by the
pilgrim to Zion. Swarms of vain thoughts may be
reckoned among the first and most constant enemies
of the servant of God. The mind of man is hke a
fountain which is continually sending forth streams.
There is not a moment of our waking time when the
rational soul is entirely quiescent. How it may be in
our sleeping hours, this is not ttte place to inquire —
as we are not in that state engaged in this warfare.
Perhaps, this is saying too much. I believe that sin
may be committed in sleep; for there is often a deli-
berate choice of evil, after a struggle between a sense
of duty and an inclination to sin. And often the same
vain and impure thoughts, which were too much in-
dulged in waking hours, infest us when asleep, and
may find much readier entertainment than when we
have all our senses about us. It is difficult indeed, to
say when moral agency is suspended, so as to render
the person inculpable for his volitions; and many
know that they consent to temptations in sleep, when
they abhor the evil as soon as they are awake. And,
in other cases, inclination is indulged, where there is
not the least sense of the moral turpitude of the act.
But, in other cases, persons in sleep consent to sin
with a clear apprehension of the evil of the thing to
which they consent; here, there must be some guilt;
for, if there was not an evil nature, prone to iniquity,
such volitions would not take place. Two things are
in our power, and these we should do: first, to avoid
evil thoughts and such pampering of the body as have
a tendency to pollute our dreams; and, secondly, to
pray to God to preserve us from evil thoughts, even
in sleep. Particularly, we should pray to be deliv-
ered from the influence of Satan during our sleeping
hours. Mr. Andrew Baxter, in his work on the soul,
is of opinion that dreams can in no way be accounted
for, but by the agency of other spirits acting on ours.
While I do not adopt this theory of dreaming, I am
inclined to believe, that, some how or other, both
good and evil spirits have access to our minds in sleep.
They actually seem to hold conversation with us, and

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

179

suggest things of which we had never thought before.
To return from this digression — it may be safely as-
serted that no human mind, in this world, is free from
the incursion of vain thoughts. The proportion of
such thoughts depends on the circumstances of the
individual, and the degree of spirituality and self-
government to which he has attained. The question
very naturally arises here, is the mere occurrence of
vain or wicked thoughts sinful? This is a nice ques-
tion in casuistry, and should not be answered incon-
siderately. It is said in Scripture, ''the thought of
foolishness is sin;" but by thought, in this place, we
should probably understand " intention." The wise
man would teach that sin may be committed in the
mind without any external act; a doctrine abundant-
ly taught in other parts of Holy Writ. Or, we may-
understand it to mean that, when thoughts of evil are
entertained and cherished in the mind, there is sin.
But as our thoughts are often entirely involuntary,
arising from we know not what causes, it cannot be
that every conception of a thing wrong is itself sinful.
If I conceive of another person stealing, or murder-
ing, or committing adultery, if my mind abhors the
deed, the mind is not thereby polluted. Thoughts
may not in themselves be sinful, and yet they may
become so, if they fill and occupy the mind to the
exclusion of better thoughts. Ideas of present scenes
and passing transactions, are not, in themselves, sin-
ful, because necessary, and often required by the
duties which we have to perform; but if the current
of these thoughts is so continuous that they leave no
room for spiritual meditations, they become sinful by
their access. Again, as every Christian has set times
for prayer and other devotional exercises; if the mind,
on such occasions, wanders off from the contemplation
of those objects, which should occupy it, such forget-
fulness of Clod's presence, and vain wandering of the
thoughts is evidently sinful. And here is an arena on
which many a severe conflict has been undergone,
and where, alas, many overthrows have been expe-
rienced by the sincere worshipper of God. How our

180

THOUGHTS ON

perfectionists dispose of this matter, and what their
professed experience is, I know not. I suppose,
however, that they are, at best, no more exempt from
wandering thoughts than other Christians; and if so,
they must practise a double hypocrisy, first, in per-
suading themselves that there is no sin in all this; and,
secondly, in denying, or concealing from others, their
real experience on this subject. But is it not true,
that from the very laws of association of ideas,
there will often be an invokmtary wandering of the
thoughts? This is admitted; and it is conceded, also,
that it may be impossible, in all cases, to determine
with precision which of our straying thoughts con-
tracts guiU, and how much blame to us, when our
thoughts suddenly start aside from the mark hke a
deceitful bow. There are, however, some plain prin-
ciples which sound casuistry can establish. If, when
the thoughts thus start aside, they are not immediately
recalled, then there is sin; for the mind has this power
over its thouglits, and, when it is not exercised, it
argues negligence, or something worse. Again, if
this deviation of our thoughts would have been pre-
vented by a solemn sense of the divine presence and
omniscience, then it is sinful; for such impressions
should accompany us to the throne of grace. And,
finally, if the true reason of these erratic trains of
thought, at such seasons, is owing to a secret aversion
to spiritual things, and a preference, at the moment,
to some carnal or selfish indulgence — then, indeed,
there is not only sin, but sin of enormous guilt. It is
the direct acting of enmity against God. There are
many, it is to be feared, who take little or no account
of their thoughts; and who, if they run tlirough the
external round of duties, feel satisfied. Multitudes
are willing to be religious and even punctilious in
duty, if no demand is made upon them for fixedness
of attention, and fervency and elevation of affection.
The carnal mind hates nothing so much as a spiritual
approach to God, and the remainders of this enmity,
in the pious, is the very "law in their members,
which wars against the law of the mind." This is

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

181

the very core of their inbred sin, from which all evil
thoughts proceed, on account of which they need to
be humbled in the dust, every day that they live.
There is much reason to fear, however, that many who
appear to be serious Christians, are not at all in the
habit of watching their thoughts, and ascertaining the
evil that is in them. I knew a person, nearly half a
century ago, who, being greatly troubled with wan-
dering thoughts in times of devotion, was solicitous
to know whether any other person was troubled in
the same way, and to the same degree, with such
swarms of vain thoughts. He carefully wrote down
what he experienced in this way, and then took it to
two serious professors, of whose piety he had a good
opinion, and, without intimating that it was his own
experience, inquired whether they were acquainted
with any thing like this. They both acknowledged
that they were often interrupted with wandering
thoughts in prayer; but, in the degree described in
the paper, they were not, and could not believe that
any real Christian was. There may be, and no doubt
is, a constitutional difference among men in regard to
this matter. In some minds the links of association
are so strong, that, when a particular idea is suggested,
the whole train must come along, and thus the object
previously before the mind is lost sight of, and will
not be recovered without a resolute effort.

An old writer says, " what busy flies were to the
sacrifices on the altar, such are vain thoughts to our
holy services; their continued buzzing disturbs the
mind and distracts its devotion." St. Bernard com-
plained much of these crowds of vain thoughts, he
said — " Introeunt and exeunt," they pass and repass,
come in and go out, and will not be controlled.
"Amovere volo, nee valeo," I would fain remove
them, but cannot. This is in perfect accordance with
Paul's experience, "when I would do good, evil is
present with me." And Chrysoslom says, " that
nothing is more dreadful to the godly than sin. This
is death — this is heliy Therefore, though nothing
amiss be discerned by man, yet is he afflicted, deeply

182

THOUGHTS ON

afflicted on account of his rebellions thoughts, which
being in the secret closet of the heart, can only appear
unto God.

The old writer, before mentioned, introduces a
struggling soul, mourning on this account. " 0 the
perplexing trouble of my distracting thoughts! How
do they continually disturb the quiet of my m.ind, and
make my holy duties become a weariness of my soul?
They cool the heart, they damp the vigour, they
deaden the comfort of my devotions. Even when I
pray God to forgive my sins, I then sin whilst I am
praying for forgiveness; yea, whether it be in the
church, or in the closet, so frequently and so violently
do these thoughts withdraw my heart from God's
service, that I cannot have confidence he hears my
suit, because I know by experience, I do not hear
myself; surely therefore God must need be far off
from my prayer, whilst my heart is so far out of his
presence, hurried away with a crowd of vain imagina-
tions." To whom he applies the following consola-
lations: " 1, These vain thoughts, being thy burden,
shall not be thy ruin; and though they do take from
the sweetness, they shall not take from the sincerity
of thy devotions. 2. It is no little glory which we
give to God in tlie acknowledgment of his omnipres-
ence and omniscience, that we acknowledge Him to
be privy to the first risings of our most inward
thoughts. 3. It is much the experience of God's
children, even the devoutest saints, that their thoughts
of God and of Christ, of heaven and holiness, are very
unsteady and fieeting. Like the sight of a star through
an optic glass, held by a palsied hand, such is our
view of divine objects. 4. Know thou hast the
gracious mediation of an all-sufficient Saviour to
supply thy defects, and procure an acceptance of thy
sincere though imperfect devotions, 5. As thou hast
the gracious mediation of an all-sufficient Saviour to
supply thy defects, so hast thou the strengthening
power of His Holy Spirit to help their infirmities;
which strength is made perfect in weakness. — When
thou art emptied it shall fill thee ; when thou art slum-

EELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 183

bled, it shall raise thee. The experience of God's
saints will tell thee, that they have long languished
under this cross of vain thoughts: yet, after long con-
flict, have obtained a joyful conquest, and from
mourning doves have become mounting eagles."

The conflict with vain and wandering thoughts is
common to all Christians, and is the subject of their
frequent and deep lamentations: but there are other
conflicts, which seem to be peculiar to some of God's
children, or are experienced in a much greater degree
by some than others. These arise from horribly
wicked thoughts, blasphemous, atheistical, or abomi-
nably impure, which are injected with a power which
the soul cannot resist, and sometimes continue to rise
in such thick succession, that the mind can scarcely
be said to be ever entirely free from them. I have
known persons of consistent piety and sound intellect,
who have been infested with the continual incursion
of such thoughts, for weeks and months together: so
that they had no rest during their waking hours; and
even their sleep was disturbed with frightful dreams;
and whilst thus harassed, they had no composure to
attend on religious duties; but when they attempted
to pray, Satan was present with his terrific sugges-
tions; and when they presented themselves with God's
people, in his house, they found no comfort there; for
the thought was continually introduced into their
minds, that there was no truth in the Bible, or any of
its doctrines. And it is wondered what new and un-
thought of forms of blasphemy and infidelity do, in
such cases arise ; so that the ideas which occupy their
minds are often inexpressible, and indeed not fit to be
expressed, in words. These may emphatically be
called " the fiery darts of the wicked one." They
may be compared to balls or brands of fire cast into a
house full of combustibles. The object of the enemy,
by such assaults, is, to perplex and harass the child of
God, and to drive him to despair; and as many, who
are thus tempted, are ignorant of Satan's devices, and
of the "depths" of his subtlety, and charge upon them-
selves the fault of all these wicked thoughts, the effect

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THOUGHTS ON

aimed at, does actually take place. The tempted,
harassed soul is not only distressed above measure,
but, for a season, is actually cast down to the borders
of despair. We know of no affliction, in this life,
which is more intolerable than such a state of tempta-
tion, when continued long. It, no doubt, is true, that
there are certain slates of the physical system which
favour the effect of these temptations; but this does
not prove that these thoughts do not proceed from
Satan. This arch-fiend is deeply versed in the physi-
ology of human nature; and wherever he discovers a
weak point, there he makes his assault. The melan-
cholic, and persons wasted and weakened with ex-
cessive grief, are peculiarly susceptible of injury from
such temptations; as is that class of doubting, mourn-
ing Christians, who are for ever disposed to look on
the dark side of the picture; and who are wont "to
write bitter things against themselves." On unin-
structed minds, the effect often is to induce the belief,
that they have sinned the sin unto death, by blas-
pheming the Holy Ghost; or, that they have sinned
beyond the reach of mercy, and that God has aban-
doned them to be a prey to sin and Satan. But it is
not upon ignorant, weak, and diseased persons only
that these furious assaults are made; such a man as
Luther, was in frequent conflicts of this kind; and he
was so persuaded that these were the temptations of
the devil, that he speaks of his presence with as much
confidence as if he had seen him by his side.

A friend of the writer, who is yet alive, was for
months so harassed by these fiery darts of the wicked
one, that I never saw any human being in a more
pitiable condition of extreme suffering; and although
there was no intermission, during his waking hours,
there were seasons when these blasphemous sugges-
tions were injected with peculiar and terrifying vio-
lence. Knowing this person to be discreet, as well as
pious, I requested, by letter, some account of this
dreadful state of mind, if there was a freedom to
make the communication. In answer, I received re-
cently, a letter, from which the following is an ex-

RELIGIOUS EXPEKIENCE.

185

tract: " I feel a singular reluctance to speak of my re-
ligious experience. I have felt that my case was a
very remarkable one. I have thought, at times, that
no one could recount a similar experience. It has
appeared to me so uncommon, that I have refrained
from disclosing the peculiar exercises of my mind to
the most intimate friend. I know not that I ever
opened to you my case, with the exception of that
distressing point to which you refer, and even then I
think I was not very particular. That was a season
far more distressing than any I ever experienced —
' I well remember mine afflictions and my misery; the
wormwood and the gall.' My deliverance from it
was an unspeakable mercy. I have no doubt that the
state of my health had some connexion with the
mental sufferings I then endured. My constitution,
which had always been feeble, had given to my dis-
position a proneness to melancholy; and in my be-
reaved and desolate state I was peculiarly susceptible
of gloomy impressions. My nervous system was deep-
ly affected. Sleep at one time forsook my pillow for
successive nights. It was under these circumstances
that I sunk into the darkness and distress which you
witnessed. In all this there was nothing very re-
markable. I think very many can record a similar
experience. It was not the fact that in a feeble state
of health I was dark and comfortless in spirit, that
has so much tried me, but the peculiarity of my case
seemed to consist in the nature of my spiritual con-
flicts. You may, perhaps, recollect that I stated to
you that my chief distress arose from blasphemous
suggestions — unnatural, moyistrous, and horrid,
which seemed to fill the mind, and hurry away my
thoughts, with a force as irresistible as a whirlwind.
I strove against them — I prayed against them; but it
was all in vain. The more I strove, the more they
prevailed. The very effort to banish them appeared
to detain them. My soul all this while was wrapped
in midnight darkness, and tossed like the ocean in a
storm. It seemed to me as if I was delivered over to
the powers of darkness, and that to aggravate my

186

THOUGHTS ON

wretchedness, some strange and awfully impious as-
sociation would be suggested by almost every object
that met my eye. You ask me to describe my de-
liverance. It was gradual. A return of domestic
comforts, a restoration of health, and an occupation
OF THE MIND WITH DUTY, Were the means which
God was pleased to bless to the removal of this dis-
tressing experience. For twelve or thirteen years I
have had no return of this state of mind, except to a
partial extent; yet I have, at times, been greatly ha-
rassed with these fiery darts of the wicked one, which
I can truly say, are my sorest affliction. I have
always remarked, that these painful exercises of mind
have attended seasons of special examination and
prayer. When I have thought most of my obligation
to God, and endeavoured to meditate most on divine
things, then it has been, that my mind has suffered
most from the intrusion of thoughts, at which my soul
is filled with anguish, and from which I desire deliv-
erance more than from death. This fact is mysterious
to me. I cannot but think 1 love God. I am sure I
do desire an entire consecration to Christ. It is my
daily prayer to attain holiness. I esteem the way of
salvation glorious; and justification through the alone
righteousness of Christ is a precious doctrine. But
did ever any Christian experience such trials, is a
question which I am ready often to ask. I know of
no uninspired writer that has come nearer a descrip-
tion of what I have experienced than John Bunyan
and John Newton. The hymn of the latter, com-
mencing with ' I asked the Lord that I might grow,'
&c., contains many thoughts remarkably accordant
with my experience.

" You see, I have nothing to relate, that is instruc-
tive or cheering — and yet I sometimes feel thankful
for the terrible conflicts which I endure, for there is
nothing which so constantly drives me to a throne of
grace — nothing that strips me so entirely of self-de-
pendence, and creates within me such longing after
holiness. I am much inclined to think that Satan is far
less dangerous when he comes as ' a roaring lion,' and

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 187

frightens the soul with liis horrid blasphemies, than
when 'he transforms himself into an angel of light,'
and seduces our affections gradually'' and secretly
away from God, and attaches them sinfully to the
world.

"P. S. — The most discouraging fact in all my ex-
perience has been, what I have already alluded to —
the rushing in of a tide of unutterably impious
thoughts or imaginations, at a time when I have
sought the most elevated and glorious views of God,
breaking up my peace and comfort, when I have tried
to fix my mind most intently on spiritual objects. Is
the onset of the enemy to drive one from a close com-
munion with God? or is it to be traced to a law of
association recalling past experiences?

" If I had more confidence iia my religious experi-
ence I think I could suggest many thoughts that might
be useful to Christians under temptation; and espe-
cially, when suffering under certain physical disor-
ders. One thing, I am free to say, useful occupa-
tion is essential to the restoration and peace of some
minds."

Many other eminent servants of God have expe-
rienced, in various forms, the same conflicts with the
great adversary: and when we describe these temp-
tations as not unfrequent in the experience of the
children of God, we do not speak without authority.
Paul says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and
blood, but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places." From
this passage, it is evident, that our spiritual foes are
numerous, and powerful, and that the believer's con-
flict with them is violent: it is a "wrestling," or a
contention which requires them to put forth all their
strength, and to exercise all their skill. Therefore, it
was, that the apostle, who was himself engaged in
this conflict, urges it upon Christians to put on the
panoply of God. Against such enemies, armour,
otfensive and defensive, is requisite. And blessed be
God, there is a magazine, from which such armour

188

THOUGHTS ON

may be drawn. Hear Paul's enumeration of the sev-
eral parts of this panoply: "The girdle of truth,
the breast-plate of righteousness, — sandals of gospel
peace, — the shield of faith." This he places highest,
as being an indispensable defence against "the fiery
darts of the wicked" — "the helmet of salvation,"
"the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
To all which must be added prayer and watchful-
ness. As one of God's methods of comforting and
strengthening his mourning children is, by good
books, I will embrace this opportunity of recommend-
ing to those engaged in the spiritual warfare, " Gur-
nall's Christian Armour." In such cases, there is
almost a necessity of referring to old authors; for,
some how or other, our modern sermons and tracts
touch but seldom on these things, which filled so many
of the pages of our fathers.

The soul struggling with the intrusion of wicked
thoughts may be supposed to express its feelings in
language like the following: " 0 my wretchedly wick-
ed heart, which is the fountain from which proceed
such streams of abominable thoughts! Sure if I had
ever been washed in the fountain of Christ's blood,
or at all purified by his Spirit, so foul a corruption
could never cleave unto my soul. Woe is me! for so
far am I from being a holy temple of the Lord, that
my heart rather seems to be the cage of every un-
clean bird, and even a den of devils. The flames of
hell seem to flash in my face, and the amazing ter-
rors of cursed blasphemies torture my soul and wound
my conscience even unto death. I would rather
choose to die ten thousand deaths than undergo the
fears, and frights, and bitter pangs of my amazing
thoughts and dreadful imaginations. In every place,
in every action — in the church and in the closet — in
my meditations and in my prayers, these abominable
and tormenting thoughts follow and harass me; so
that I loathe myself and am a burden to myself ' 0
wretched man, that I am, who shall deliver me from
the body of this death!' Alas! I perish, whilst
ashamed to speg,k what I abhor to think, I must

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 189

needs despair of a cure, not knowing how to lay open
my sore."

To a complaint of this kind, the pious Robert Mos-
som, addresses the following grounds of consola-
tion:

1. '' The horrid blasphemies which affright thy soul,
though they are thy thoughts, yet are they Satan's
suggestions; and not having the consent of thy will,
they bring no guilt upon thy conscience. It is agree-
able to the truth of God's word, and the judgment of
all divines, ancient and modern, that where the will
yields no consent, there the soul may suffer tempta-
tion, but act no sin. Again, 'The importunity and
frequency of these suggestions which weary the soul,
resisting, shall bring a greater crown of glory in its
overcoming,' True it is, that, 'he that is born of
God, keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth
him not.' But how toucheth him not? Is it meant
of wicked temptations? No, sure, but of wilful trans-
gressions. He toucheth him not so as to leave the
impress of sin and guilt upon the soul. It is no
sin to be tempted; for Christ our Lord and Saviour,
was tempted, ' but without sin.' To admit the temp-
tation with allowance or delight, that is sin.

2. " That these foul and frightful suggestions have
not the consent of thy will appears by this, that thou
hast a loathing and abhorring of them; which speaks
the greatest aversion, and so is far from a consenting
of the will. What is forcibly cast into the mind can-
not be said to be received w^ith our consent. It is out
of our power to prevent Satan from suggesting evil
thoughts. These arise not from thy own corrupt na-
ture: they are 6rff/.s laid at thy door, not thine own
lawful children. These are the biiffetings of Satan.
Paul had * a messenger of Satan to buffet him,' which
was as a 'thorn in his flesh,' constantly pricking and
keeping him uneasy, and tempting him to impatience;
and he prayed earnestly and repeatedly to be deliv-
ered from this cross, but his request was not granted;
yet he received an answer more gracious and bene-
ficial than the removal of the thorn would have

190 THOUGHTS ON

been; for God said unto him, 'My grace is sufficient
for thee,'"

The heart assailed by Satan, is hke a city besieged,
within which there lie concealed naany traitors, who,
as far as they dare, will give encouragement and aid
to the enemy without. And this creates the chief dif-
ficulty in the case of many temptations; for although
there is not a full consent, or a prevailing willingness,
yet there is something which too much concurs with
the temptation; except in shocking blasphemies,
which nil the soul with terror. The soul afflicted
witli these temptations is apt to think its case singu-
lar, it is ready to exclaim, " Never were any of God's
children in this condition. It must be some strange
corruption which induces the enemy thus to assault
me, and some awful displeasure of God towards me,
which makes him permit such a temptation." To
which it may be replied, " Afflictions, of this kind,
are no new thing; and that with the real children of
God. Such cases are not uncommon, in every age,
and occur in the pastoral experience of every faithful
minister. Some persons have, for years, been so afflic-
ted with these temptations, that they have pined away
and have been brought near the gates of death; and
these, too, persons of no ordinary piety. Take then
the following directions: 1. Learn to discriminate be-
tween the temptation and the sin of temptation. 2.
Examine with care, what transgressions may have
occasioned this sore affliction. 3. Humble yourself
before God with fasting and prayer, and supplicate
the throne of grace to obtain the mercy of God
through the merits of thy Saviour, for the full and
free pardon of whatever sin has occasioned these
temptations; beseeching God to rebuke Satan; and
then make an unreserved resignation of thyself into
the hands of Jesus, the Great Shepherd of the
flock, that he may keep thee as a tender lamb, from
the paw and teeth of the roaring lion. 4. If still these
thoughts intrude, turn your mind quickly away from
them; they are most effectually subdued by neglect.
5. "0 thou afflicted, tossed with tempests and not

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 191

comforted," do as children with their parents when
they see any thing frightful: they cling closer and
hold faster. So do thou with thy God and Saviour.
Satan's aim is to drive you from God into some des-
perate conchisionsjor into some ruinous act; but thou
mayest disappoint this subtle adversary, by running
to Christ as your refuge, and cleaving to him witii
humble, believing confidence; and when Satan sees
this, he will soon cease from the violence of his temp-
tations. And when the devil hath left thee, angeis
will come and minister unto tliee; especially the

ANGEL OF THE COVENANT, ChRIST JeSUS. He shall

rejoice thy soul with the quickening graces and cheer-
ing comforts of his Spirit.

CHAPTER XIII.

Growth in grace. — Signs of it. — Practical directions how to grow in
grace. — Hinderances to it.

When there is no growth there is no life. We have
taken it for granted, that among the regenerate, at
the moment of their conversion, there is a difference
in the vigour of the principle of spiritual life, analo-
gous to what we observe in the natural world; and no
doubt the analogy holds, as it relates to growth. As
some children, who were weak and sickly in the first
days of their existence, become healthy and strong,
and greatly outgrow others who commenced life with
far greater advantages; so it is with the " new man;"
some who enter on the spiritual life with a weak and
wavering faith, by the blessing of God on a diligent
use of means, far outstrip others who, in the begin-
ning, were greatly before them.

It is often observed, that there are professors who
never appear to grow, but rather decline perpetually,
until they become, in spirit and conduct, entirely con-
formed to the world, from whence tliey professed to

] 92 THOUGHTS OS

come out. The result, in regard to them, is one of
two things; they either retain iheir standing in the
Churcli, and become dead formahsts, " having a name
to Hve while they are dead;" "a form of godliness,
while they deny the power thereof;" or they re-
nounce their profession and abandon their connexion
with the Church, and openly take their stand with the
enemies of Clu-ist, and not unfrequently go beyond
them all in daring impiety. Of all such we may con-
fidently say, " they were not of us, or undoubtedly
they would have continued with us." But of such I
mean not now to speak further, as the case of back-
sliders will be considered hereafter.

That growth in grace is gradual and progressive is
very evident from Scripture; as in all those passages
where believers are exhorted to mortify sin and cru-
cify the flesh, and to increase and abound in all the
exercises of piety and good works. One text on this
subject will be sufficient: " Grow in grace and in the
knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."
And this passage furnishes us with information of the
origin and nature of this growth. It is knowledge;
even the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus
Christ. Just so far as any soul increases in spiritual
knowledge, in the same degree it grows in grace.
Persons may advance rapidly in other kinds of know-
ledge, and yet make no advances in piety; but the
contrary. They may even have their minds filled
with correct theoretical knowledge of divine truth;
and yet its effect may not be to hnmble, but to " puff"
up." Many an accurate and profound theologian
has lived and died without a ray of saving light.
The natural man, however gifted with talent, or en-
riched with speculative knowledge, has no spiritual
discernment. After all his acquisitions, he is desti-
tute of the knowledge of Jesus Christ. But it should
not be forgotten, that divine illumination is not inde-
pendent of the word, but accompanies it. Those
Christians, therefore, who are most diligent in attend-
ing upon the word in public and private, will be most
likely to make progress in piety. Young converts are

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 193

prone to depend too much on joyful frames, and love
high excitement in their devotional exercises; but
their heavenly Father cures them of this folly, by
leaving them for a season to walk in darkness, and
struggle with their own corruptions. When most
sorely pressed and discouraged, however, he strength-
ens them with might in the inner man. He enables
them to stand firmly against temptation; or, if they
slide, he quickly restores them, and by such exercises
they become much more sensible of their entire de-
pendence, than they were at first. They learn to be
in the fear of the Lord all the day long, and to dis-
trust entirely their own wisdom and strength, and to
rely for all needed aid on the grace of Christ Jesus.
Such a soul will not readily believe that it is growing
in grace; but to be emptied of self-dependence, and to
know that we need aid for every duty, and even for
every good thought, is an important step in our pro-
gress in piety. The flowers may have disappeared
from the plant of grace, and even the leaves may
have fallen off, and wintry blasts may have shaken it,
but it now is striking its roots deeper, and becoming
every day stronger, to endure tlie rugged storm. One
circumstance attends the growth of a real Christian,
in grace, which renders it exceedingly difficult for
him to know the fact, upon a superficial view of his
case, and that is, the clearer and deeper insight which
he obtains into the evils of his own heart. Now this
is one of the best evidences of growth, but the first
conclusion is apt to be, " I am growing worse every
day" — " I see innumerable evils springing up within
me which I never saw before." This person may be
compared to one shut up in a dark room, where he is
surrounded by many loathsome objects. If a single
ray of light be let into the room, he sees the more pro-
minent objects; but if the light gradually increase, he
sees more and more of the filth by which he has been
surrounded. It was there before, but he perceived it
not. His increased knowledge of the fact is a sure
evidence of increasing light. Hypocrites often learn
to talk by rote of the wickedness of their hearts; but

194 THOUGHTS ON

go to them and seriously accuse them of indulging
secret pride, or envy, or covetousness, or any other
heart sins, and they will be offended. Their confes-
sions of sin are only intended to raise thejn in the
opinion of others, as truly humble persons; and not
that any should believe that corruption abounds with-
in them. Growth in grace is evinced by a more hab-
itual vigilance against besetting sins and temptations,
and by greater self-denial, in regard to personal indul-
gence. A growing conscientiousness in regard to
what may be called minor duties, is also a good sign.
The counterfeit of this is, a scrupulous conscience,
which sometimes haggles at the most innocent gratifi-
cations, and has led some to hesitate about taking their
daily food, jincreasing spiritual-mindedness is a sure
evidence of progress in piety; and this will always be
accompanied by deadness to the world. /Continued
aspirations to God, in the house and by the way, in
lying down and rising up, in company and in solitude,
indicates the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, by whose
agency all progress in sanctification is made. /A
victory over besetting sins by which the person was
frequently led away, shows an increased vigour in the
renewed principle, j Increasing solicitude for the sal-
vation of men, and sorrow on account of their sinful
and miserable condition, and a disposition tenderly to
warn sinners of their danger, evince a growing state
of piety. /It is also a strong evidence of growth in
grace, when you can bear injuries and provocations
with meekness, and when you can from the heart de-
sire the temporal and eternal welfare of your bitterest
enemies. /An entire and confident reliance on the
promises and providence of God, however dark may
be your horizon, or however many difficulties environ
you, is a sign that you have learned to live by faith;
and humble contentment with your condition, though
it be one of poverty and obscurity, shows that you
have profited by sitting at the feet of Jesus. \ Diligence
in the duties of our calling, with a view to the glory
of God, is not an evidence to be despised. Indeed,
there is no surer standard of spiritual growth, than a

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 195

habit of aiming at the glory of God in every thing.
That mind which is steady to the main end, is as
good evidence of being touched by divine grace, as
the tendency of the needle to the pole proves that it
has been touched by the magnet. ('Increasing love to
the brethren is a sure sign of growth; for as brotherly
love is a proof of the existence of grace, so exercising
brotherly love is of vigour in the divine life. This
love, when pure, is not confined within those limits
which party spirit circumscribes, but overleaping all
the barriers of sects and denominations, it embraces
the disciples of Christ wherever it finds them. A
healthy state of piety is always a growing state; that
child which grows not at all must be sickly. If we
would enjoy spiritual comfort, we must be in a
thriving condition. None enjoy the pleasures of
bodily health, but they who are in health. If we
would be useful to the Church and the world we must
be growing Christians. If we would live in daily
preparation for our change, we must endeavour to
grow in grace daily. The aged saint, laden with the
fruits of righteousness, is like a shock of corn fully
ripe, which is ready for the garner; or hke a mature
fruit, which gradually loosens its hold of the tree, until
at last it gently falls off. Thus the aged, mature
Christian, departs in peace. As growth in grace is
gradual, and the progress from day to day impercep-
tible, we should aim to do something in this work
every day. We should "die daily unto sin and live
unto righteousness." Sometimes the children of God
grow faster when in the fiery furnace than elsewhere.
As metals are purified by being cast into the fire, so
saints have their dross consumed and their evidences
brightened, by being cast into the furnace of affliction.
" Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery
trial which shall try some of you, as though some
strange thing happened unto you," but rejoice, be-
cause " the trial of your faith, being much more
precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried
with fire, might be found unto praise, and honour,
and glory."

196 THOUGHTS ON

We shall here present some practical directions how
to grow in grace, or make progress in piety.

1. Set it down as a certainty that this object will
never be attained without vigorous, continued effort;
and it must not only be desired and sought, but must
be considered more important than all other pursuits,
and be pursued in preference to every thing which
claims your attention.

2. While you determine to be assiduous in the use
of appointed means of sanctification, you must have
it deeply fixed in your mind, that nothing can be ef-
fected in this work without the aid of the Divine Spirit.
" Paul may plant and Apollos water, but it is God
that giveth the increase." The direction of the old
divines is good; use the means as vigorously as if
you were to be saved by your own efforts, and yet
trust as entirely to the grace of God, as if you made
use of no means whatever.

3. Be much in the perusal of the Holy Scriptures,
and strive to obtain clear and consistent views of the
plan of redemption. Learn to contemplate the truth
in its true nature, simply,'devoutly, and long at a time,
that you may receive on your soul the impression
which it is calculated to make. Avoid curious and ab-
struse speculations respecting things unrevealed; and
do not indulge a spirit of controversy. Many lose the
benefit of the good impression which the truth is calcu-
lated to make, because they do not view it simply in
its own nature, but as related to some dispute, or as
bearing on some other point. As when a man would
receive the genuine impression which a beautiful land-
scape is adapted to make, he must not be turned aside
by minute inquiries respecting the botanical character
of the plants, the value of the timber or the fertility
of the soil; but he must place his mind in the attitude
of receiving the impression which the combined view
of the objects before him, will naturally produce on
the taste. In such cases the effect is not produced by
any exertion of the intellect; all such active striving
is unfavourable, except in bringing the mind to its
proper state. When the impression is most perfect,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE,

197

we feel as if we were mere passive recipients of the
effect. To this there is a striking analogy in the way
in which the mind is impressed with divine truth.
It is not the critic, the speculative or polemic theolo-
gian, who is most likely to receive the right impres-
sion, but the humble, simple-hearted, contemplative
Christian. It is necessary to study the Scriptures
critically, and to defend the truth against opposers;
but the most learned critic and the most profound
theologian must learn to sit at the feet of Jesus in the
spirit of a child, or they are not likely to be edified
by their studies.

4. Pray constantly and fervently for the influences
of the Holy Spirit. No blessing is so particularly
and emphatically promised in answer to prayer as
this; and if you would receive this divine gift, to be
in you as a well of water springing up to everlasting
life, you must not only pray, but you must watch
against every thing in your heart or life which has a
tendency to grieve the Spirit of God. Of what ac-
count is it to pray, if you indulge evil thoughts and
imaginations almost withont control: or if you give
way to the evil passions of anger, envy, pride and
avarice, or bridle not your tongue from evil speaking?
Learn to be conscientious; that is, obey the dictates
of your conscience uniformly. Many are conscien-
tious in some things, and not in others; they listen to
the monitor within, when he directs to important
duties; but in smaller matters, they often disregard
the voice of conscience, and follow present inclina-
tion. Such cannot grow in grace.

5. Take more time for the duties of the closet, and
for looking into the state of your soul. Redeem an
hour daily from sleep, if you cannot obtain it other-
wise; and as the soul's concerns are apt to get out
of order, and more time is needed for thorough self-
examination, than an hour a day, set apart, not peri-
odically, but as your necessities require, days of fasting
and humiliation before God. On these occasions,
deal faithfully with yourselves. Be in earnest to
search out all your secret sins, and to repent of them.

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THOTJGHTS ON

Renew your covenant with God, and form holy re-
solutions of amendment in the strength of divine
grace, and if you find upon examination, that you
have been Uving in any sinful indulgence, probe
the festering wound to the core, and confess your
fault before God, and do not rest until you have had
an application of the blood of sprinkling. You need
not ask why you do not grow, while there is such an
ulcer within you. Here, it is to be feared, is the root
of the evil. Sins indulged are not thoroughly re-
pented of and forsaken ; or the conscience has not
been purged effectually, and the wound still festers.
" Come to the fountain opened for the washing away
of sin and uncleanness." Bring your case to the
great Physician.

6. Cultivate and exercise brotherly love more than
you have been accustomed to do. Christ is displeased
with many of his professed followers, because they
are so cold and indifferent to his members on earth;
and because they do so little to comfort and encourage
them; and with some, because they are a stumbling
block to the weak of the flock; their conversation
and conduct not being edifying, but the contrary.
Perhaps these disciples are poor, and in the lower
walks of life, and therefore you overlook them, as
beneath you. And thus would you have treated
Christ himself, had you lived in his time; for he took
his station among the poor and afflicted; and he will
resent a neglect of his poor saints with more displea-
sure than he would of the rich. Perhaps they do^not
belong to your party or sect, and you are only con-
cerned to build up your own denomination. Remem-
ber how Christ condescended to treat the sinful wo-
man of Samaria, and the poor woman of Canaan,
and remember what account he has given of the last
judgment, when he will assume to himself all that
has been done, or neglected to be done, to his humble
followers. There should be more Christian conver-
sation and friendly intercourse between the followers
of Christ. In former days, " They that feared the
Lord spake often one unto another, and the Lord

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

199

hearkened and heard it, and a book of remembrance,
was written for them that feared the Lord and thought
upon iiis name,"

7. If yon are in good earnest to make greater pro-
gress in piety, yon must do more than you have done
for the promotion of God's glory and of Christ's
kingdom on earth. You must enter with livelier,
deeper feeling, into all the plans which the Church
has adopted to advance these objects. You must
give more than you have done. It is a shame to
think how small a portion of their gains some pro-
fessors devote to the Lord. Instead of being a tithe,
it is hardly equal to the single sheaf of first fruits. If
you have nothing to give, labour to get something.
Sit up at night and try to make something, for Christ
hath need of it. Sell a corner of your land and throw
the money into the treasury of the Lord. In primi-
tive times many sold houses and lands, and laid the
whole at the Apostles' feet. Do not be afraid of
making yourselves poor by giving to the Lord, or to
his poor. His word is better than any bond, and he
says, "I will repay it." Cast your bread on the
waters, and after many days you will find it again.
Send the Bible — send missionaries — send tracts to the
perishing heathen.

8. Practise self-denial every day. Lay a whole-
some restraint upon your appetites. Be not con-
formed to this world. Let your dress, your house,
your furniture, be plain and simple, as becometh a
Christian. Avoid vain parade and show in every
thing. Govern your family with discretion. Forgive
and pray for your enemies. Have little to do with
party politics. Carry on your business on sober, judi-
cious principles. Keep clear of speculation and surety-
ships. Live peaceably with all men as much as in
you lies. Be much in ejaculatory prayer. Keep your
heart with all diligence. Try to turn to spiritual
profit every event which occurs; and be fervently
thankful for all mercies.

9. For your more rapid growth in grace, some of
you will be cast into the furnace of affliction. Sick-

200

THOUGHTS ON

ness, bereavement, bad conduct of children and rela-
tives, loss of property, or of reputation, may come
upon you unexpectedly, and press heavily on you.
In these trying circumstances, exercise patience and
fortitude. Be more solicitous to have the affliction
sanctified, than removed. Glorify God while in the
fire of adversity. That faith which is most tried, is
commonly most pure and precious. Learn from
Christ liow you ought to suffer. Let perfect submis-
sion to the will of God be aimed at. Never indulge
a murmuring or discontented spirit. Repose with
confidence on the promises. Commit all your cares
to God. Make known your requests to him by
prayer and supplication. Let go your too eager
grasp of the world. Become familiar with death and
the grave. Wait patiently until your change cometh;
but desire not to live a day longer than may be for
the glory of God.

If we are on the watch we often may find good
things when they were least expected. It is seldom
that I consult an almanac for any purpose, but wish-
ing, the other day, to see when the moon would
change, I opened the calendar at the current month,
and the first thing which struck my eye was the
heading of a paragraph in the very words which I had
selected as the subject of this essay — " Hinderances to
Growth in Grace." Of course I preserved the short
paragraph, and I was so well pleased with what I
read, that I resolved to take it for my text — and here
it is, word for word:

" The influence of wordly relatives and compa-
nions— embarking too deeply in business — approxi-
mations to fraud for the sake of gain — devoting too
much time to amusements — immoderate attachment
to a wordly object — attendance on an unbelieving or
unfaithful ministry — languid and formal observance
of religious duties — shunning the society and religious
converse of Christian friends — relapse into known
sin — oversight and of course non-improvement of
graces already attained."

Now, all this is very good and very true; the only

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 201

objection is, that several of the particulars mentioned
should rather be considered as the effects of a real
declension in religion than tfie mere hinderances to
growth; although it is true, that nothing so effectually
hinders our progress as an actual state of backsliding.
It seems desirable to ascertain, as precisely as we can,
the reasons why Christians commonly are of so diminu-
tive a stature and of such feeble strength in their reli-
gion. When persons are truly converted they always
are sincerely desirous to make rapid progress in pieiy;
and there are not wanting exceeding great and gra-
cious promises of aid to encourage them to go for-
ward with alacrity. Why then is so little advance-
ment made? Are there not some practical mistakes
very commonly entertained, which are the cause of
this slowness of growth? I think there are, and will
endeavour to specify some of them. And first, there
is a defect in our belief of the freeness of divine grace.
To exercise unshaken confidence in the doctrine of
gratuitous pardon is one of the most difficult things in
the world ; and to preach this doctrine fully without
verging towards antinomianism is no easy task, and
is therefore seldom done. But Christians cannot but
be lean and feeble when deprived of the proper nutri-
ment. It is by faith, that the spiritual life is made to
grow; and the doctrine of free grace, without any
mixture of human merit, is the only true object of
faith. Christians are too much inclined to depend
on themselves, and not to derive their life entirely
from Christ. There is a spurious legal religion,
which may flourish without the practical belief in
the absolute freeness of divine grace, but it pos-
sesses none of the characteristics of the Christian's
life. It is found to exist in the rankest growth
in systems of religion which are utterly false. But
even when the true doctrine is acknowledged, in
theory, often it is not practically felt and acted on.
The new convert lives upon his frames, rather than
on Christ; and the older Christian still is found
struggling in his own strength; and failing in his
expectations of success, he becomes discouraged first,

202 THOUGHTS ON

and then he sinks into a gloomy despondency, or
becomes, in a measure, careless, and then the spirit
of the world comes in with resistless force. Here, I
am persuaded, is the root of the evil; and, until reli-
gious teachers inculcate clearly, fully, and practically,
the grace of God as manifested in the gospel, we shall
have no vigorous growth of piety among professing
Christians. We must be, as it were, identified with
Christ — crucified with him, and living by him, and in
him by faith, or rather have Christ living in us. The
covenant of grace must be more clearly and repeat-
edly expounded in all its rich plenitude of mercy, and
in all its absolute freeness.

Another thing which prevents growth in grace, is,
that Christians do not make their obedience to Christ
comprehend every other object of pursuit. Their
religion is too much a separate thing, and they pursue
their wordly business in another spirit. They try to
unite the service of God and Mammon. Their minds
are divided, and often distracted with earthly cares
and desires, which interfere with the service of God;
whereas they should have but one object of pursuit,
and all that they do and seek, should be in subordina-
tion to this. Every thing should be done for God
and to God; whether they eat or drink, they should
do all to his glory. As the ploughing and sowing of
the wicked is sin, because done without regard to
God and his glory; so the secular employments and
pursuits of the pious should all be consecrated, and
become a part of their religion. Thus they would
serve God in the field and in the shop, in buying and
selling, and getting gain — all would be for God. Thus
their earthly labours would prove no hinderance to
their progress in piety; and possessing an undivided
mind, having a single object of pursuit, they could
not but grow in grace, daily. He whose eye is single
shall have his whole body full of light.

Again, another powerful cause of hinderance in
the growth of the life of God in the soul, is, that we
make general resolutions of improvement, but neglect
to extend our efforts to particulars; and we promise

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 203

ourselves that in the indefinite future, we will do
much in the way of reformation, but are found doing
nothing each day in cultivating piety. We begin and
end our days without aiming or expecting to make
any particular advance on that day. Thus our best
resolutions evaporate without effect. We merely
run the round of prescribed duty, satisfied if we do
nothing amiss, and neglect no external service which
we feel to be obligatory. We resemble the man who
purposes to go to a certain place, and often resolves
with earnestness that he will some day perform the
journey, but never takes a step towards the place. Is
it at all strange that that person who on no day makes
it his distinct object to advance in the divine life, at
the end of months and years is found stationary? The
natural body will grow without our thinking about it,
even when we are asleep, but not the life of piety,
which only increases by, and through the exercises of
the mind, aiming at higher measures of grace. And,
as every day we should do something in tliis good
work, so we should direct our attention to the growth
of parlicular graces; especially of those in which we
know ourselves to be defective. Are we weak in
faith? let us give attention to the proper means of
strengthening our faith; and, above all, apply to the
Lord to increase our faith. Is our love to God cold
and hardly perceptible, and greatly interrupted by
long intervals in which God and Christ is not in all
our thoughts? let us have this for a daily lamentation
at the throne of grace — let us resolve to meditate more
on the excellency of the divine attributes, and espe-
cially on the love of God to us — let us be much in
reading the account of Christ's sufferings and death,
and be importunate in prayer, until we receive more
copious effusions of the Holy Spirit; for the fruit of
the Spirit is love, and the love of God is shed abroad
in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto
us. And so we should directly aim at cultivating
and increasing every grace; for the divine life, or
"new man," consists of these graces, and the whole

204

THOUGHTS ON

cannot be in health and vigour, while the constituent
parts are feeble and in a state of decay. The same
remarks are applicable to the mortification of sin; we
are prone to view our depravity too much in the
general, and under this view to repent of it, and hum-
ble ourselves on account of it; whereas, in order to
make any considerable progress in this part of sancti-
fication, we must deal with our sins in detail. We
must have it as a special object, to eradicate pride and
vain glory, covetousness, indolence, envy, discontent,
anger, &c. There should be af)propriate means used,
suited to the extirpation of each particular vice of the
mind. It is true, indeed, that if we water the root we
may expect the branches to flourish; if we invigorate
the principle of piety, the several Christian virtues
will flourish; but a skilful gardener will pay due
attention both to the root and the branches; and, in
fact, these graces of the heart are parts of the root,
and it is by strengthening these, that we do invigo-
rate the root. The same is true, as it relates to the
remaining principle of sin; we must strike our blows
chiefly at the root of the evil tree, but those inherent
vices which were mentioned, and others, should be
considered as belonging to the root, and when we aim
at their destruction particularly, and in detail, our
strokes will be most effectual.

I shall mention, at present, but one other cause of
the slow growth of believers in piety, and that is the
neglect of improving in the knowledge of divine
things. As spiritual knowledge is the foundation of
all genuine exercises of religion; so growth in religion
is intimately connected with divine knowledge. Men
may possess unsanctified knowledge and be nothing
the better for it; but they cannot grow in grace with-
out increasing in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus
Christ. "Being," says Paul, "fruitful in every good
work, and increasing in the knowledge of God."
" Grow in grace," says Peter, "and in the knowledge
of our Lord Jesus Christ." Mr. Edwards remarks,
that the more faithful lie was in studying the Bible,

EELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

205

the more he prospered in spiritual things. The rea-
son is plain, and other Christians will find the same to
be true.

CHAPTER XIV.

Backsliding. — The Backslider restored.

There is a perpetual, and there is a temporary back-
sliding. The first is the case of those who, being par-
tially awakened and enlightened by the word accom-
panied by the common operations of the Spirit, make
a profession of religion, and, for a while, seem to ran
well, and to outstrip the humble believer in zeal and
activity; but having no root in themselves, in the
time of temptation, fall totally away, and not only
relinquish their profession, but frequently renounce
Christianity itself, and become the bitterest enemies
of religion. Or, seduced by the pride of their own
hearts, they forsake the true doctrines of the gospel,
and fall in love with some flattering, flesh-pleasing
form of heresy; and spend tlieir time in zealous ef-
forts to overthrow that very truth, which they once
professed to prize. Or, thirdly, they are overcome
by some insidious lust or passion, and fall into the ha-
bitual practice of some sin, which at first they secretly
indulge, but after awhile cast ofl" all disguise, and
show to all that they are enslaved by some hurtful
and hateful iniquity. Persons who thus apostatize
from the profession and belief of Christianity, or who
fall into a habitual course of sinning, are commonly
in the most hopeless condition of all who live in the
midst of the means of grace. When they openly
reject Christianity, their infidelity is commonly accom-
panied by contempt and a malign temper, which often
prompts them to blasphemy; and are, according to
our apprehension, in great danger of committing the
unpardonable sin; and some who in these circum-

206 THOUGHTS ON

Stances are actuated by inveterate hatred to the trnth,
and who make use of their tongues to express the
feeHngs of enmity which ranlde in them, do often fall
into this unpardonable sin. The case of such seems
to be described by Paul, in the sixth chapter of his
Epistle to the Hebrews. " For it is impossible for
those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of
the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the
Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God
and the powers of the world to come, if they shall
fall away, to renew them again to repentance, seeing
they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh and
put him to an open shame." Some suppose that the
Apostle here describes the character of the true Chris-
tian, and that he merely supposes the case, if such
should fall away, what would be the fearful conse-
quence; but this seems to us a forced construction.
It seems more reasonable to believe that he is descri-
bing a case which may, and often does occur, and
that the description applies to such professors as had
received the miraculous endowments of the Holy
Spirit, and yet apostatized: and by crucifying the
Son of God afresh he probably alludes to the manner
in which those who went back to the Jews, were
required to execrate the name of Christ in the Syna-
gogues, and to profess that he deserved to be crucified
as he had been, and thus put him to an open shame.
But whether such apostates do actually commit the
unpardonable sin or not, seems in most cases to be of
little consequence, for they commonly die in their
sins, and all sin unrepented of is unpardonable. In
some cases, however, apostates stop short of infidel-
ity and blasphemy, and while they stand aloof from
religion, content themselves with decency, and do not
treat religion with disrespect; yet it will be found on
examination, that the hearts of such are extremely
callous, their consciences are seared as with a hot
iron. The Spirit of God, evidently has left them,
and strives no more with them; and they often die as
they have lived, fearfully insensible, having " no bands
in their death.'" But sometimes conscience is let

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207

loose upon them in their last hours, and they are left
to die in the horrors of despair. In the days of the
apostles, they seem to have had some way of know-
ing when a man had committed " the sin unto death,"
and for such, Christians were not to pray, as their
destiny was irretrievably fixed: but such knowledge
cannot be possessed now, and we may therefore
pray for all, as long as they are in the place of repent-
ance.

But when we speak of backsliding, we commonly
mean those sad departures of real Christians from
God, which are so common, and often so injurious to
the cause of religion. These cases are so common,
that some have thought that all Christians had their
seasons of backsliding; when they left their first love,
and lost the sweet relish of divine things, and were
excluded from intimate communion with God. But,
however common backsliding may have been among
Christians, there is no foundation for the opinion,
that it is common to all ; we find no such declension
in the experience of Paul or John; and in the bio-
graphies of some modern saints we find no such sad
declension. We could refer to many recorded ac-
counts of personal experience, but it will be sufficient
to mention Mr. Baxter, Col. Gardiner, G. Whitefield,
and Mr. Brainerd. No doubt all experience short
seasons of comparative coldness and insensibility,
and they who live near to God have not always equal
light, and life, and comfort, in the divine life. Those
fluctuations of feeling, which are so common, are not
included in the idea of a state of backsliding. This
occurs when the Christian is gradually led off from
close walking with God, loses the lively sense of
divine things, becomes too much attached to the
world and too much occupied with secular concerns;
until at length the keeping of the heart is neglected,
closet duties are omitted or slightly performed, zeal
for the advancement of religion is quenched, and
many things once rejected by a sensitive conscience,
are now indulged and defended.

All this may take place, and continue long before

208 THOUGHTS ON

the person is aware of his danger, or acknowledges
that there has been any serious departure from God.
The forms of religion may be still kept up, and open
sin avoided. But more commonly baci^sliders fall
into some evil habits; they are evidently too much
conformed to the world, and often go too far in par-
ticipating in the pleasures and amusements of the
world; and too often there is an indulgence in known
sin, into which they are gradually led, and on account
of which they experience frequent compunction, and
make solenjn resolutions to avoid it in future; but
when the hour of temptation comes, they are over-
come again and again, and thus they live a miserable
life, enslaved by some sin, over which, though they
sometimes struggle hard, they cannot get the victory.
There is in nature no more inconsistent thing than a
backsliding Christian. Looking at one side of his
character, he seems to have sincere, penitential feel-
ings, and his heart to be right in its purposes and
aims, but look at the other side, and he seems to be
" carnal, sold under sin." 0 wretched man! how he
writhes often in anguish, and groans for deliverance,
but he is like Sampson shorn of his locks, his strength
is departed, and he is not able to rise and go forth, at
liberty, as in former times. All backsliders are not
alike. Some are asleep, but the one now described is
in a state of almost perpetual conflict, which keeps
him wide awake; sometimes when his pious feelings
are lively he cannot but hope that he loves God and
hates sin, and is encouraged; but oh, when sin pre-
vails against him, and he is led away captive, he can-
not think that he is a true Christian. Is it possible
that one who is thus overcome, can have in him any
principle of piety? Sometimes he gives up all hope,
and concludes, that he was deceived in ever thinking
himself converted; but then again, when he feels a
broken and contrite heart, and an ardent breathing
and groaning after deliverance, he cannot but con-
clude, that there is some principle above mere nature,
operating with him.

The sleeping backslider is one who, by being sur-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 209

rounded with earlhly comforts, and engaged in secu-
lar pursuits, and mingling much with the decent and
respectable people of the world, by degrees, loses the
deep impression of divine and eternal things; his
spiritual senses become obtuse, and he has no longer
the views and feelings of one awake to the reality of
spiritual things. His case nearly resembles that of a
man gradually sinking into sleep. Still he sees dimly,
and hears indistinctly, but he is fast losing the im-
pression of the objects of the spiritual world, and
sinking under the impression of the things of time
and sense. There may be no remarkable change in
the external conduct of such a person; except that he
has no longer any relish for religious conversation,
and rather is disposed to waive it. And the differ-
ence between such an one, and the rest of the world
becomes less and less distinguishable. From any
thing you see or hear, you would not suspect him to
be a professor of religion, until you see him taking
his seat at the Lord's table. Such backsliders are
commonly awakened by some severe judgments, the
eartlily objects on which they had too much fixed
their affections are snatched away, and they are
made bitterly to feel that it is an evil thing to forget,
and depart from the living God.

Tliere is still another species of backsliding, where
by a sudden temptation, one who appeared to stand
firm, is cast down. Such was the fall of Peter, and
many others have given full evidence, that a man's
standing is not in himself; for frequently men are
overcome in those very things in which they were
least afraid, and had most confidence in their own
strength. These cases are usually more disgraceful
than other instances of backsliding, but they are less
dangerous; for, commonly, where there is grace they
produce such an overwhelming conviction of sin, and
shame of having acted so unworthily, that repentance
soon follows the lapse, and the person, when restored,
is more watchful than ever against all kinds of sin,
and more distrustful of himself Such falls may be
compared to a sudden accident by which a bone is

210 THOUGHTS ON

broken, or put out of joint, they are very painful, and
cause the person to go limping all the remainder of
his life, but do not so much affect the vitals, as more
secret and insidious diseases, which prey inwardly,
without being perceived.

There are many persons, who never made a pub-
lic profession of religion, who for a while, are the
subjects of serious impressions, whose consciences
are much awake, and whose feelings are tender.
They seem to love to hear the truth, and in a con-
siderable degree fall under its influence, so as to be
almost persuaded to be Christians; and for a season
give to the pious, lively hopes of their speedy conver-
sion. They are such as the person to whom Christ
said, "thou art not far from the kingdom of God."
But through the blinding influence of avarice or am-
bition, or some other carnal motive, they are led
away and lose all their serious thoughts and good
resolutions. Such persons usually lose their day of
grace. I have seen an amiable young man, weep-
ing under the faithful preaching of the gospel, and
my hopes were sanguine, that I should soon see him
at the table of the Lord, but alas! I believe that, on
that very day, he quenched the Spirit, and has been
going further and further from the Lord ever since !

The backsliding believer can only be distinguished
from the final apostate by the fact of his recovery; at
least, when Christians have slidden far back, no satis-
factory evidence of the genuineness of their piety can
be exhibited; nor can they have any which ought to
satisfy their own minds. In the course of pastoral
visitation I once called upon a habitual drunkard
who had been a flaming professor. I asked him
what he thought of his former exercises of religion.
He said, that he was confident that they were genu-
ine; and expressed a strong confidence that the Lord
would recover him from his backsliding state. Now
here was the very spirit of Antinomianism. Whether
he was ever recovered from his besetting sin, I cannot
tell; but I rather think that he continued his intem-
perate habits to the very last. I have often remarked

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

211

how tenaciously the most profane and obstinate sin-
ners will cleave to the hope of having been once con-
verted, if Ihey have ever been the subjects of religi-
ous impressions. One of the profanest men I ever
heard speak, and one of the most outrageous drunk-
ards, when asked on his death-bed, to which he was
brought by intemperance, respecting his prospects
beyond the grave, said, that when a very young
man, he had been among the Methodists, and thought
that he was converted; and though he had lived
in the most open and daring wickedness for more
than twenty years since that time, yet he seemed
to depend on those early exercises. Miserable de-
lusion! But a drowning man will catch at a straw.
An old captain, whom I visited on his death-bed,
seemed to be trusting to a similar delusion. He re-
lated to me certain religious exercises which he had
when he first went to sea, but of which he had no
return ever since, though half a century had elapsed.
I have met with few persons who had neglected to
cherish and improve early impressions, who were
ever afterwards hopefully converted. They are gene-
rally given up to blindness of mind and hardness of
heart. But some of these are sometimes brought in,
in times of revival; or, at a late period, driven to the
gospel refuge, by severe affliction. The conviction
of a Christian backslider is often more severe and
overwhelming than when first awakened. When his
eyes are opened to see the ingratitude and wicked re-
bellion of his conduct, he is ready to despair, and to
give up all hopes of being pardoned. He sinks into
deep waters where the billows of divine displeasure
roll over him; or he is like a prisoner, in a horrible
pit, and in the miry clay. All around him is dark and
desolate, and he feels himself to be in a deplorably
helpless condition. His own strivings seem to sink
him deeper in the mire; but, as his last and only re-
source, he cries out of the depths unto God. As his
case is urgent he cries with unceasing importunity,
and the Lord hears the voice of his supplications, and
brings him up out of the horrible pit, and places his

212 THOUGHTS ON

feet upon a rock, and establishes his goings, and puts
a new song into his mouth, even of praise to the Re-
deemer, The freeness of pardon to the returning
backshder is a thing which is hard to be believed, un-
til it is experienced. No sooner is the proud heart
humbled, and the hard heart broken into contrition,
than Jehovah is near with his healing balm. To heal
the broken in heart, and to revive the spirit of the
contrite ones is the delight of Immanuel. And he re-
ceives the returning penitent without reproaches. He
pardons him freely, and sheds abroad his love in his
heart, and fills him with the joy of the Holy Ghost.
It is, in fact, a new conversion; there is but one regen-
eration. We never hear of a sinner being born a
third time — but we remember that Christ said unto
Peter, " when thou art converted strengthen thy
brethren." Indeed, the exercises of the soul on these
occasions may be so much more clear and comforta-
ble than on its first conversion, that the person is dis-
posed to think that this is the real commencement
of spiritual life, and to set down all his former expe-
rience as spurious; or, at least, essentially defective.
Christians, when recovered from backsliding, are com-
monly more watchful, and walk more circumspectly
than they ever did before. They cannot but be more
humble. The remembrance of their base departure
from God fills them with self-loathing. Whenever
spiritual pride would lift up its head, one thought of
a disgraceful fall will often lay the soul in the dust.
And whether the backslider's sins have been open
or secret, the recollection of his traitorous behaviour
fills him with shame and self-abhorrence. When such
persons have so conducted themselves as to bring
upon them the censures of the church, so as to be
separated from the communion of his people, at first,
it is probable, resentment would be felt towards the
officers of the church who performed this painful duty;
but after reflection, these resentments are turned
against themselves, and they pass nnich heavier cen-
sures on themselves than the church ever did. Judi-
cious, seasonable discipline is a powerful means of

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCK.

213

grace, and often would be the effectual means of re-
covering the backslider, if exercised as it should be.
Indeed, this may be said to be one main design of its
appointment. If whenever there is an appearance of
declension in a church member, the pastor, or some
other officer of the church, would go to the person,
and, in the spirit, and by the authority of Christ,
would address a serious admonition to him, and then
a second, and a third, and if these were unheeded,
then to bring him before the church, backsliding, in
most cases, would be arrested before it proceeded far.
But every member of the church has a duty to per-
form towards erring brethren. When they see them
going astray, they should not act towards them as if
they hated them, but should in any wise rebuke them.
Christian reproof from one Christian to anotlier seems
to be almost banished from our churches. There is a
quick eye to discern a brother's faults, and a ready
tongue to speak of them to others; but where do we
now find the faithful reprover of sin, who goes to the
man himself, without saying a word to any one, and
between themselves, faithfully warns, exhorts, and
entreats a straying brother to return. Tlie serious
discipline of formal accusations, and witnesses, &c., by
such a course would be, in a great measure, rendered
unnecessary; but the practice is, to let the evil grow
until it has become inveterate, and breaks out into
overt acts, and then there is a necessity to pay atten-
tion to the matter, and to put in force the discipline of
the church. But even this often proves salutary, and
is a powerful means of reclaiming the offender; or, if
he persists in his evil courses, it serves to separate an
unworthy member from the communion of saints.
But when church officers and private Christians ut-
terly fail in their duty towards backsliding brethren,
God himself often makes use of the means of his own,
which does not require the hUervention of men. He
smites the offender with his rod, and causes iiim to
smart in some tender part. He sends such afflictions
as bring his sins forcibly before his conscience. He
deprives him of the objects for the sake of which he

214

THOWGHTS ON

forsook the Lord. — It may be the wife of his youth,
or a beloved, child, on which his affections were too
fondly fixed, so as to become idolatrous. Or, if it was
the love of the world which was the seductive cause
of his backsliding, "riches are caused to make to
themselves wings and flee away like the eagle to
heaven." Or, was the love of ease and indulgence
of the sensual appetites the cause of his delinquency,
the stroke falls on his own body. He is brought low
by sickness, and is tried upon his bed with excru-
ciating pains, until he cries out in his distress, and
humbly confesses his sins. Or, if he was carried
away by an undue love of the honour that cometh
from men, it is not unlikely that his reputation, which
he cherished with a fondness which caused him to
neglect the honour of his God, will be permitted to be
tarnished by the tongue of slander, and things may
be so situated, that although innocent, he may not
have it in his power to make the truth appear.
Children, too much indulged, become, by their mis-
conduct, fruitful causes of afliiction to parents; and
thus they are made to suffer in the very point where
they had sinned. Look at the case of Eli and of
David. All afflictions, however, are not for chastise-
ment, but sometimes for trial; and those whom God
loves best are most afflicted in this world. They are
kept in the furnace, and that heated seven times, until
their dross is consumed, and their piety shines forth
as pure gold, which has been tried in the fire. But
we are now concerned only with those afflictions
which are most effective to bring back the backslider;
the virtue of which the Psalmist acknowledges when
he says, "It is good for me to be afflicted, for before
I was afflicted I went astray." It may be truly said,
that many who had backslidden never would have
returned had it not been for the rod; other means
seemed to have lost their power, but this comes home
to the feelings of every one. Whether a believer is
ever permitted to go out of the world in a backslid-
den state, is a question of no practical importance;
but it seems probable that Christians die in all condi-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 215

tionsin which any of this character are ever found. No
one has any right to presume, that if he backslides,
death may not overtake him in that unprepared con-
dition. Backsliding then is a fearful evil ; may we all
be enabled to avoid it; or if fallen into it, to be reco-
vered speedily from so dangerous a state!

CHAPTER XV.

The rich man and the poor. — The various trials of believers.

They are not the happy whom the blinded would
think to be such. This man of successful enterprise,
and increasing wealth had some enjoyment while
busily occupied in makir)g a fortune; but now when
he has arrived at a higher pitch of wealth than his
most sanguine hopes had anticipated, he is far from
being happy, or even contented. The desire of ac-
quisition has grown into an inveterate habit, and he
cannot stop in his career; he must find out some new
enterprise; he must engage in some new speculation;
and before all is over, it is well if he loses not all he
had gained; and being accustomed to live high, he is
unprepared to meet poverty; and to preserve his
family from such a mortifying change of circum-
stances, he contrives ways and means to defraud his
creditors. This man is not happy in his prosperity,
and under a reverse of fortune, he is truly miserable.
He has put away a good conscience, which is the
most essential ingredient in that peace which Christ
gives to his disciples. His reputation too, if not tar-
nished, remains under a dark cloud of suspicion,
which never can be removed. Abroad, he meets
with neglect and sometimes contempt, from those on
whom he once looked down; at home he has before
him the sad spectacle of a family degraded from their
former rank, and under all the feelings of mortified

216

THOUGHTS ON

pride, struggling to conceal their poverty from the
gaze and contempt of an unpitying world. But even
if no reverse is experienced, and the man continues to
be successful in all his enterprises; and if at the close
of his career, he can calculate millions, in the bank,
or in real estate; and his only remaining difficulty
is, how to dispose of such a mass of wealth. He has
a son, it is true, but he is a base profligate, and in a
single year, would, by reckless speculation, or at the
gaming table, dissipate the whole which has been
so carefully hoarded up. And yet this man could
scarcely be induced to give a dollar to any benevo-
lent object, lest he should lessen the amount which he
was by every means raking together, for this unwor-
thy son. He has daughters, too, whose liusbands in
selecting them had more respect to their fortunes, than
to any personal qualifications, and these are impa-
tient, that the old man should live so long, and hold
the purse-strings with so close a gripe. Though they
will go through all the ceremonial of deep grief, and
mourn as decently, and as long as fashion requires;
yet no event is heard with more heart-felt pleasure,
than that their aged relative is at last obliged to give
up all his possessions.

Are the rich happy? not such as have been de-
scribed. But there are a favoured few who seem
to have learned the secret of using wealth so as to
do much good, and to derive from it much enjoy-
ment. They are desirous of making increase too, but
it is all for the Lord ; not to be hoarded, until they are
obliged to leave it, and then to be distributed among
benevolent societies. No; they are continually con-
triving methods of making it produce good, noiv.
They are parsimonious to themselves, that they may
be liberal to the poor; and may be able to enrich the
treasury of the Lord. Such men are blessed, in their
deed; and though unostentatious in their charities,
their light carmot be hid. A few rich men of this
description have lived in England, and even our new
country, records with gratitude, the names of a few

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 217

benefactors of tlie public; and we trust in God that
the number will be multiplied. Reader, go and do
likewise.

But, more commonly, the elect of God are not called
to glorify him in this way. Wealth is a dangerous
talent, and is very apt so to block up the way to
heaven, that they who do press in, have, as it were,
to squeeze through a gate as difficult of entrance as
the eye of a needle to an elephant: and alas! many
professors who bid fair for heaven, when in moderate
circumstances, when become rich, are found "drown-
ed in perdition'" — "pierced through with many sor-
rows." Poverty and suffering are by infinite wisdom
judged best for the traveller to Zion. Let the Lord's
people be contented with their condition, and thank-
ful that they are preserved iVom snares and tempta-
tions, which they would have found it difficult to with-
stand. God will not suffer them to be tempted above
what they are able to bear, but with the temptation
provides a way for their escape. The rich are ex-
posed to suffering as well as the poor; though his suf-
ferings may be of a different kind. The poor man
may be forced by necessity to live on coarse bread!;
the rich also, while tantalized with the daily sight of
the finest of the wheat, is obliged for the sake of his
health to live upon bran. The poor man lies on a
hard bed, because he can afford to get no better; the
rich man lies as hard to preserve himself from aches
and pains, which are the natural fruit of luxury.
The poor man has little of the honours of the world,
but then he is envied by none, and passes along in
obscurity, without being set up as a mark to be shot
at, by envy and malignity, which is often the lot of
the rich. When sickness comes, the rich man has
some advantages, but when oppressed with painful
sickness neither a bed of down, nor rich hangings and
carpets, contribute any thing to his relief; and in such
a time of distress, the [)rivations of the poor, though
the imagination readily magnifies them, add much to
the pain produced by disease. But we have dwelt
too long on this comparison between the real suffer-

218

THOTTGHTS ON

ings of the rich and the poor. More after all depends
upon the submission and patient temper of mind,
than upon external circumstances; and, indeed, so
short is the time of man's continuance upon earth,
and so infinite the joys or miseries of the future
world, that to make much of these little differences
would he like estimating the weight of a feather,
when engaged in weighing mountains. Who thinks
it a matter of any concern, whether the circum-
stances of persons who lived a thousand years ago
were affluent or destitute? except, so far as these
external enjoyments and privations contributed to
their moral improvement, or the contrary? If we
could be duly impressed with the truths which re-
spect our eternal condition, we should consider our
afflictions here as scarcely worthy of being named.
Thus the apostle Paul seemed to view his own suffer-
ings, and those of his fellow Christians, when he said,
"For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time,
are not worthy to be compared with the glory which
shall be revealed in us." Compared with the suffer-
ings of others, those of the apostle were neither few
nor small; but in the view of eternity by faith, he
calls them " these light afflictions which are but for a
moment;" and he had learned the happy art, not only
of being contented, in whatever state he was, but of
rejoicing in all his tribulations; not that tribulation,
considered in itself, could be a matter of rejoicing, for
who ever found pain and reproach to be pleasant?
But he rejoiced in these things on account of their
salutary effects, "for," says h(j, "tribulation work-
eth patience, and patience experience, and expe-
rience hope, because the love of God is shed abroad
in our hearts by the Holy Ghost." The primitive
Christians were encouraged to bear patiently and joy-
fully, their present sufferings, on account of the rich
and gracious reward which awaited them in the
world to come. Upon the mere principle of con-
trast, our earthly sorrows will render our heavenly
joys the sweeter. BiU this is not all, — hear the words
of Jesus himself, "Blessed are they who are perse-

RELIGIOUS EXPEKIENCE. 219

ciited for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom
of heaven. Blessed are ye when men shall revile
yon, and persecute yon, and say all manner of evil
against you falsely, for my sake, rejoice and be ex-
ceeding glad, for great is your reward in heaven,"
Peter also testifies, " and if ye suffer for righteousness
sake, happy are ye," — " for it is better, if the will of
God be so, that ye suffer for well doing than for evil
doing. For Christ once suffered, the just for the un-
just." He was also of the same opinion with his
brother Paul, that Christians ought to rejoice in all
their sufferings for righteousness sake, " Beloved,"
says he, " think it not strange concerning the fiery
trial which is to try you, as though some strange
thing happened unto you: but rejoice, inasmuch as
ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings, that when his
glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with
exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of
Christ, happy are ye, for the Spirit of God resteth on
you." " If any man suff'er as a Christian, let him
not be ashamed, but let him glorify God on this be-
half." Let Zion's mourners lift up their heads and
rejoice, for though weeping may endure for the night,
joy Cometh in the morning! Let all Christians mani-
fest to others the sweetness and excellency of religion,
by rejoicing continually in the Lord. The perennial
sources of their spiritual joy can never fail — for while
God lives and reigns, they ought to rejoice, since
Christ has died, and ever lives to make intercession
for them, they have ground of unceasing joy. While
the throne of grace is accessible, let the saints rejoice;
let them rejoice in all the promises of God, which are
exceeding great and precious, and are all yea and
amen in Christ Jesus to the glory of God.

In one sense, all our sufferings are the fruits of sin,
for if we had never sinned, we should never have
suffered: but, in another sense, the suff'erings of be-
lievers are produced by love, "whom the Father
loveth, he chasteneth and scourgeth every son which
he receiveth." As in the economy of salvation, God
leaves his chosen people to struggle with the remain-

220 THOUGHTS ON

ders of sin in their own hearts; so he has ordained,
that their pilgrimage to the heavenly Canaan, shall be
through much tribulation. From the beginning the
saints have generally been a poor and afflicted people,
often oppressed and persecuted, and when exempt
from sufferings from the hands of men, they are often
visited with sickness, or have their hearts sorely-
lacerated by the bereavement of dear friends, are
punished with poverty, or loaded with obloquy and
reproach. Tliere seems to be an incongruity in be-
lievers enjoying ease and prosperity, in this world,
when their Lord was " a man of sorrows and ac-
quainted with grief." It seems, indeed, to be a con-
dition of our reigning with Him, that we should suffer
with Him. When James and John, under the influ-
ence of ambition, asked for the highest places in
his kingdom, he said to them, "can ye drink of the
cup which I drink of, and be baptized with the bap-
tism that I am baptized with?" they seem not to
have understood his meaning, for, with self-confi-
dence, they answered, " we are able." He replied,
"ye shall, indeed, drink of the cup that I drink of,
and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized
with." For the Christian to seek great things for
himself here, does not become the condition of a dis-
ciple of the meek and lowly Jesus. The early Chris-
tians were called to endure much persecution, but
they did not count their lives dear unto them. When
the apostles, after our Lord's ascension, were publicly
beaten for preaching that the Saviour was risen, they
rejoiced together that they were counted worthy to
suff'er such things for his name's sake. It is a stri-
king peculiarity in the religion of Christ, that, in the
conditions of discipleship, "taking up the cross" is
the first thing. He never tempted any to follow him
with the promise of earthly prosperity, or exemption
from suffering. On the contrary, he assures them
that in the world they should have tribulation. He
does, indeed, promise to those who forsake father and
mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, houses
and lands, a compensation of a hundred fold more

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 221

than they left; but he permits them not to fall into
the delusion that this hundred fold was to consist in
earthly good things, for he immediately adds, ^^ with
persecution.'''' Whosoever will not take Clirist with
his cross, shall never sit with him on his throne.
"A'b cross, no crown,''^ holds out an important truth
in few words. Christ, in his intercessory prayer, does
request, for his disciples, that they may be kept from
the evil, which is in the world, but he means from the
"evil one," — from the evil of sin, and from tempta-
tions above their strength to endure.

The reasons why Christ has chosen that his people
should be afflicted, and often sorely persecuted, are
not difficult to be ascertained. In the former essay,
it was shown that the rod is one of God's means for
recovering backsliders from their wanderings; but
afflictions are also employed to prevent Christians
from backsliding. In prosperity, pride is apt to rise
and swell; carnal security blinds their eyes; the love
of riches increases; spiritual affections are feeble;
and eternal things are viewed as far off, and concealed
by a thick mist. These circumstances are, indeed,
the common precursors of backsliding; but to prevent
this evil, and to stir up the benumbed feelings of piety,
the believer is put into the furnace. At first, he finds
it hard to submit, he is like a wild bull in a net.
His pride and his love of carnal ease resist the hand
that smites him; but severe pain awakes him from
his sleep, and he finds himself in the hands of his
heavenly Father, and sees that nothing can be gained
by murmuring or rebelling. His sins rise up to
view, and he is convinced of the justice of the di-
vine dispensations. His hard heart begins to yield,
and he is stirred up to cry mightily to God for help-
ing grace. Although he wishes, and prays for de-
liverance from the pressure of affliction; yet he is
more solicitous that it should be rendered effectual
to subdue his pride, wean him from the love of the
world, and give perfect exercise to patience and re-
signation, than that it should be removed. He knows
that the furnace is the place for purification. He

222 THOUGHTS ON

hopes and prays that his dross may be consumed; and
that he may come forth as gold, which has passed
seven times through the refiner's fire.

Paul attributes a powerful efficacy to afflictions;
so as to place them among the most efficacious means
of grace. " For," says he, " our light affliction
which is but for a moment, worketh out for us a far
more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." " Fur-
thermore, we have had fathers of the flesh, which
corrected us and we gave them reverence, shall we
not much rather be in subjection to the Father of
spirits and live. For they, verily, for a few days,
corrected us after their own pleasure, but He for our
profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
Now, no chastening for the present seemeth to be joy-
ous but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth
the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them who
are exercised thereby," When faith is in very
lively exercise, believers can rejoice even in tribula-
tion. Not that they cease to feel the pain of the rod
— for then it would cease to be an affliction — but
while they experience the smart, they are convinced
that it is operating as a salutary though bitter medi-
cine; and they rejoice in the prospect, or feeling of
returning health. But, again, God pours not the rich
consolations of his grace into a heart that is not
broken. " He sendeth the rich empty away." " The
whole need not a physician;" but when by affliction
he has broken the hard heart, and emptied it of self-
confidence, he delights to pour in the joy of the Holy
Ghost. Therefore, it often occurs, that the believer's
most joyful seasons are his suffering seasons. He
has, it is true, more pungent pain, than when in
prosperity and ease, but he has also richer, deeper
draughts of consolation. Though sorrow and joy
are opposite, there is a mysterious connexion between
them. Sorrow, as it were, softens and prepares the
heart for the reception of the joy of the Lord. As
the dispensations of God towards his children, are
exceedingly diverse, in different ages, so his dealings
with individual believers, who live at the same time,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 223

are very different. Why it is so we cannot tell; but
we are sure, that he has wise reasons for all that he
does. In some cases, pious persons appear to pass
through life with scarcely a touch from his rod ;
while others, who to us do not appear to need more
chastisement than those, are held the greater part of
their life under the heavy pressure of affliction, with
scarcely any intermission. Here is a Christian man
who has nearly reached the usual termination of
human life, and has hardly known what external
affliction is, in his own experience. Prosperity has
attended him through his whole course. But there
is a desolate widow who has been bereaved of her
husband and children, and has neither brother nor
sister, nephew nor niece, and for eight years has been
confined to her bed, by wasting and painful disease,
and has no hope of relief on this side of the grave.
Such a disparity is striking; but we see only the
outside of things. There are sore afflictions of the
mind, while the body is in health. That man may
have had severer chastisement than this afflicted, des-
olate widow. I have heard an aged Christian de-
clare, that though he had experienced much sickness,
lost many dear friends, and met with many sore dis-
appointments in life, his sufferings on these accounts
were not to be compared with the internal anguish
which he often endured, and of which no creature
had the least conception. This shows that we are
not competent to form an accurate judgment of the
sufferings of different persons. Besides, when afflic-
tion has been long continued, we become, in a mea-
sure, accustomed to it; and, as it were, hardened
against it; but when we judge of such cases, we
transfer our own acute feelings to the condition;
which are no correct standard of the sufferings of the
patient, under a lingering disease. The widow, to
whom I referred, was not a fictitious, but a real per-
son. I once visited her, and conversed with her,
and found her serene and happy; desiring nothing
but a speedy departure, that she might be absent
from the body, and present with the Lord; but she

224 THOUGHTS ON

was not impatient; she was willing to remain and
suffer just as long as God pleased. Her heart was
truly subdued to the obedience of Christ. There was
only one earthly object for which she seemed to feel
solicitude, and that was for the little forsaken, and
almost desolate church of which she was a member.
For a series of years, disaster after disaster had fallen
upon this little flock. Tiieir house of worship had
been accidentally burnt, they had been so long with-
out a pastor, that they dwindled down to a few dis-
heartened and scattered members, and only one aged
elder remained. Seldom was there an occasional
sermon in the place, as they had no convenient house
of meeting on the Sabbath. Now, although this poor
widow could not have attended, if there had been
preaching every Lord's day, yet that little church
lay as a burden on her mind; and I heard a minister
who knew the circumstances say, that as once a poor
wise man saved a city, so this poor, pious widow, by
her prayers; saved a church from extinction. For
before her death, a neat, new church was erected, and
a pastor settled, and a number of souls hopefully
converted, and gathered into the church. I was
once on a visit to a friend, who requested me to ac-
company her to see a sick woman, supposed to be
near her end. The house was not a cabin, but a
mere wreck of a once comfortable dwelling. Every
appearance of comfort was absent. The partitions
appeared to have been taken down, and the whole
house was turned into one large room. There was
no glass in the windows — but that mattered not, it
was summer. Upon entering this desolate place, I
saw the sick woman lying on a miserable bed, unable
to raise her head from the pillow, and attended only
by an aged mother above eighty years of age, and a
little daughter about seven or eight. Here, indeed,
seemed to be the very picture of wretchedness; and I
was told that the brute of a husband generally came
home drunk, and never gave her a kind or soothing
word. — Hear the conclusion — I verily thought be-
fore I left the house, that this was the happiest woman

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 225

I ever saw. Her devout and tender eye was sweetly
fixed on heaven. Pier countenance was serene, and
illumined with a heavenly smile.

CHAPTER XVI.

Death-bed of the Believer.

We have arrived now, at a very solemn part of our
subject. The writer feels that it is so to himself, as
he knows that he must soon be called to travel the
road which leads to the narrow house, appointed for
all living. If after having gone through this scene,
he were permitted to return, and finish these papers
on religious experience, by narrating what the soul
suffers in passing the gate of death; and more es-
pecially, what are its views and feelings, the moment
after death, he would be able to give information
which at present no mortal can communicate. The
thought has often occurred, when thinking on this
subject, that the surprise of such a transition as that
from time to eternity, from the state of imprisonment
in this clay tenement, to an unknown state of exist-
ence, would be overwhelming even to the pious.
But these are short-sighted reflections. We under-
take to judge of eternal things, by rules only suited
to our present state of being, and our present feel-
ings. That the scene will be new and sublime,
beyond all conception, cannot be doubted; but what
our susceptibilities and feelings will be, when sepa-
rated from the body, we cannot tell. Is it not possi-
ble, that our entrance on the unseen world, may be
preceded by a course of gradual preparation for the
wonderful objects which it contains, analogous to our
progress through infancy in the present world? That
knowledge of future things will be acquired gradu-
ally, and not instantaneously, we are led to believe

226 THOtTGHTS ON

from the constitution of the human mind, and from
all the analogies of nature. The soul may therefore
have to go to school again, to learn the first elements
of celestial knowledge; and who will be the instruc-
ters, or how long this training may continue, it would
be vain to conjecture. Whether in this gradual pro-
gress in the knowledge of heavenly things, our remin-
iscence of the transactions in which we were engaged
upon earth, will be from the first vivid and perfect,
or whether these things will at first be buried in a
sort of oblivion, and be brought up to view gradually
and successively, who can tell us? But I must with-
draw my imagination from a subject, to which her
powers are entirely inadequate. Though I have been
fond of those writings of Dick, Taylor, and Watts,
which give free scope to reasonings from analogy, in
regard to the future condition of the believer, yet I
am persuaded, that they add nothing to our real
knowledge. Their lucubrations resemble the vain
efforts of a man born blind to describe to his fellow
sufferers, the brilliance of the stars, the splendours of
the sun, or the milder beauties of a lovely landscape.
While he seems to himself to approach nearest to the
object, he in fact is most remote from any just con-
ceptions of it. This brings to recollection, what has
often appeared highly probable, in regard to the de~
velopement of our mental powers; that as in infancy
some of our most important faculties, as for example,
reason, conscience, and taste, are entirely dormant,
and gradually and slowly make their appearance
afterwards; so, probably, this whole life is a state of
infancy in relation to that which is to come, and there
may exist noiv, in these incomprehensible souls of
ours, germs of faculties never in the least developed
in this world, but which will spring into activity as
soon as the soul feels the penetrating beams of celes-
tial light; and which will be brought to maturity
just at the time when they are needed. The capacity
of the beatific vision may now be possessed by the
soul, deeply enveloped in that darkness which con-
ceals the internal powers of the mind even from itself,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 227

except so far as they are manifested by their actual
exercise. How shallow then, is all our mental phi-
losophy, by which we attempt to explore the depths
of the human mind? But are these conjectural specu-
lations for edification? Do they bring us any nearer
to God, and to our beloved Redeemer? I cannot say,
that they do. At the best, they are no more than an
innocent amusement; and in indulging them, we are
in great danger of becoming presumptuous, and even
foolish, by supposing that we possess knowledge,
when in fact our brightest light is but darkness.
Vain man would be wise. Let us then cease from
man — let us cease from our own unsubstantial dreams,
and lay fast hold of the sure word of prophecy as of
a light shining in a dark place. "To the law and to
the testimony, if they speak not according to these,
there is no light in them," or as some render the pas-
sage, "light shall never rise to them." One simple
declaration of the word of God is worth more to a
soul descending into the valley and shadow of death,
than all the ingenious and vivid imaginings of the
brightest human minds.

Considering the absolute and undoubted certainty
of our departure out of life, it seems passing strange
that we should be so unconcerned. If even one of a
million escaped death this might afford some shadow
of a reason for our carelessness; but we know that
"it is appointed unto men once to die." In this war-
fare there is no discharge, and yet most men live as
if they were immortal. I remember the foolish
thought which entered my childish mind when my
mother informed me that we all must die. I enter-
tained the hope that before my time came some great
change would lake place, I knew not how, by which
I should escape this dreaded event. I have nothing
to do with the death of the wicked at present. The
dying experience of the believer is our proper sub-
ject, and we read that one object of Christ's coming
into the world was " to deliver such as were all
their life time in bondage through fear of death."
Death, in itself considered, is a most formidable evil,

228 THOUGHTS ON

and can be desirable to none. The fear of death is
not ahogether the consequence of sin 5 the thing is
abhorrent to the constitution of man. Death was
held up in terror to our first parents when innocent,
to prevent their transgression, and having entered the
world by their sin in whom v/e all sinned, this event
has been, ever since, a terror to mortals — " The King
OF TERRORS." Man instinctively cleaves to life, so
does every sentient being. There are only two things
whicli can possibly have the effect of reconciling any
man to death. The first is, the hope of escaping
from misery which is felt to be intolerable: the other,
an assurance of a better, that is a heavenly country.
The captain of our salvation conquered death, and
him that had the power of death, that is the Devil,
by dying himself. By this means, he plucked from
this monster his deadly sting, by satisfying the de-
mands of God's holy law. "For the sting of death
is sin, and the strength of sin is the law." All those,
therefore, who are united to Christ, meet death as a
conquered and disarmed enemy. Against them he is
powerless. Still, however, he wears a threatening
aspect, and although he cannot kill, he can frown and
threaten, and this often frightens the timid sheep.
They often do not know that they are delivered from
his tyranny, and that now he can do nothing but
falsely accuse and roar like a hungry lion disappoint-
ed of his prey. There are still some who all their
Hfe time are subject to bondage " through fear of
death." Their confidence is shaken by so many dis-
tressing doubts, that though sincerely engaged in the
service of God, they can never think of death with-
out sensible dread ; and often they are afraid, that
when the last conflict shall come, they will be so
overwhelmed with terror and despair, that they shall
prove a dishonour to their Christian profession. I
recollect a sickly, but pious lady, who with a profu-
sion of tears, expressed her anxiety and fear in the
view of her approaching end, and there seemed to be
ground for her foreboding apprehensions; because,
from the beginning of her profession, she had enjoyed

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

229

no comfortable assurance, but was of the number of
those who, though they "fear God, and obey the
voice of his servant, yet walk in darkness and have
no light" of comfort. But mark the goodness of
God, and the fidehty of the Great Shepherd. Some
months afterwards I saw this lady on her death-bed,
and was astonished to find that Christ had delivered
her entirely from her bondage. She was now near
to her end and knew it, but she shed no tears now but
those of joy and gratitude. All her darkness and
sorrow were gone, and her heart glowed with love
to the Redeemer, and all her anxiety now was to de-
part and be with Jesus, There was, as it were, a
beaming of heaven in her countenance. I had before
tried to comfort her, but now I sat down by her bed-
side to listen to the gracious words which proceeded
from her mouth, and could not but send up the fer-
vent aspiration, "0 let me die the death of the right-
eous, and let my last end be like hers," Then I
knew that there was one who had conquered death,
and him who has the power of death, for Satan, to
the last moment, was not permitted to molest her.

No arguments have ever so powerfully operated,
on my mind, to convince me of the reality and power
of experimental religion, as witnessing the last exer-
cises of some of God's children. Some of these
scenes, though long past, have left an indelible im-
pression on my memory; and I hope a salutary im-
pression on my heart.

Another lady, and a near relative of the former, I
had often observed passing along her way, humble,
gentle, silent, evidently seeking no conspicuity, but
rather to remain unnoticed and unknown. She had
a few chosen female friends, with whom she freely
communicated, for her heart was affectionate, and her
disposition sociable — to these she poured out her in-
most soul, and received from them a similar return.
She was crushed under a habitual feeling of domestic
affliction; but not of that kind which freely utters its
complanits, and engages the sympathy of many; but
her sorrows were such as her delicacy of feeling, did

230

THOUGHTS ON

not permit her even to allude to; the conduct of an
imprudent father, weighed heavily on her spirits; but
towards him — and her mother being dead, she kept
his house — she was assiduously respectful; and while
he made himself the laughing stock of his acquaint-
ances, she endeavored to make his home comfortable;
but often, I thought, that her lively sensibility to the
ridicule and reproaches which fell upon him, would
be an injury to her delicate constitution; and the more
so, because this was a subject on which she would
not converse, even with the intimate, confidential
friends, before mentioned. It was evident, that her
health was slowly giving way, and that the disease
which carries off nearly one half the adults in this
land, was secretly consuming her vitals. But she
never complained, and seemed rather to become more
cheerful, as her eye became more brilliant and her
cheeks more pallid. She was for a long time after
this, seen occupying her humble retired place in the
house of God, and still went her accustomed rounds
among her poor and sick neighbours, and doing every
thing to render home comfortable to her restless, un-
happy parent. At length, however, her strength
failed, and she was obliged to confine herself to the
house, and before long to her bed. Being informed
of this, as being her pastor, I visited her. Hitherto
her extreme modesty and retired habits, had prevented
me from having much personal acquaintance with
this excellent woman. I was accompanied to the
house by one of her intimate friends, who still lives,
and if she should see this paper will readily recognise
the portrait of her beloved friend. The house was a
cottage, and all its furniture of home manufacture;
but upon the whole there was impressed a neatness
and order, which indicated a superior taste in her who
had long had the sole management. I did not know
but that from her habitual reserve and silence, she
would be embarrassed in her feelings, and reserved in
her communications; but I was happily disappointed.
She received me with an affectionate smile, and a
cordial shake of the hand, and said that she was

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

231

pleased that I had thought it worth my while to come
and see a poor dying woman. Not many minutes
were spent in compliments, or general remarks; she
entered freely and most intelligently, into a narrative
of her religious exercises, which had commenced at
an early period of her life, but expatiated in the
sweetest manner, on the divine excellencies of the
Saviour; not as one that was speaking what she had
learned from others, or from the mere exertion of her
own intellect; but as one that felt in the heart every
word which she uttered. There was a gentleness, a
suavity, and a meek humility expressed in every tone
of her voice, and the same depicted on every linea-
ment of her countenance. Though, when in health,
she was never reckoned beautiful, yet there was now
in her countenance, animated with hope and love,
and religious joy, or rather peace, a beauty of coun-
tenance which I never saw equalled. It was what
may without impropriety be called, spiritual beauty.
I found what I had not known before, that her mind
had been highly cultivated by reading, and this was
manifest in the propriety, and indeed I may say, ele-
gance of her language. Not that she aimed at say-
ing fine things. Such an idea never entered her hum-
ble mind: but possessing, naturally, a good under-
standing, which she had carefully improved by read-
ing, especially the best religious authors, and being
noV animated with a flow of pious affection, which
seemed never to ebb; all these things gave her lan-
guage a fluency, a glow, and a vividness, which was
truly remarkable. I have often regretted that I had
not put down, at the trnie, her most striking expres-
sions, but the mere words could convey no more than
the shadow of such a scene. It has often been re-
marked, that the speeches of great orators, when
written and read, have scarcely a resemblance to the
same speech, delivered with all the pathos, the grace,
and the varied intonations and gestures of the orator.
The same may more truly be said of the sayings of
the dying Christian; we may catch the very words,
but the spirit, the secret and solemn tones, free from

232

THOUGHTS ON

all affectation, the heavenly serenity of countenance,
and the nameless methods of manifesting the pious
affections of the heart, never can be preserved, nor
distinctly conveyed, by words, to others. The mind
of this young lady possessed a uniform serenity, un-
disturbed with fears, doubts, or cares. Every thing
seemed right to her submissive temper. It was
enough, that her heavenly Father appointed it to be
so. For many weeks she lay in this state of perfect
tranquillity, as it were on the suburbs of heaven; and
I believe no one ever heard a complaint from her lips.
Even that grief which had preyed on her health,
when able to go about, had now ceased to cause her
pain. Hers was, in my apprehension, the nearest ap-
proximation to complete happiness which I ever saw
upon earth; yet there was no violence of feeling, no
agitation, no rapture. It was that kind of happiness
which, from its gentleness and calmness, is capable of
continuance. As it was her request that I should visit
her often, I did so as frequently as the distance of my
residence, and other avocations, would permit. Not,
as I often said, with any expectation of communica-
ting any good to her, but of receiving spiritual bene-
fit from her heavenly conversation. 0! how often
did I wish that the boldest infidels — and they were
rampant at that time — could have been introduced
into the chamber of this dying saint. I often, espe-
cially after witnessing this scene, endeavoured to de-
scribe to such as attended preaching, the power of
religion to sustain the soul in the last earthly conflict;
but they were incredulous as to the facts, or ascribed
them to some strange enthusiasm which buoyed up
the soul in a preternatural manner. But here there
was no enthusiasm — nothing approaching to what
may be called a heated imagination. All was sober
— all was serene — all was gentle — all was rational;
and, although five and forty years have passed since
this scene was witnessed, the impression on my mind,
is distinct and vivid. The indescribable countenance,
calm but animated, pale with disease, but lighted up
with an unearthly smile. The sweet and affection-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

233

ate tones of voice — the patient, submissive, cheerful,
grateful temper, are all remembered with a vividness
and permanence with which I remember nothing now.
When I think of such scenes, I have often thought
and said, "if this be delusion, then let my soul for
ever remain under such delusion."

If the foregoing was a sample of the death-bed
exercises of all Christians, then would I say, that his
last days are his best days, and the day of death hap-
pier than the day of birth. This, however, is far from
iDeing a true view of the general fact. It is a select
case — one of a thousand — upon the whole, the hap-
piest death I ever witnessed. I have, indeed, seen
dying persons agitated with a kind of delirious rap-
ture; in which the imagination has been so excited,
that the person looked and spoke, as if the objects of
another world were actually present to the view. In
such case, the nervous system loses its tone, and when
the general feelings are pious, and the thoughts di-
rected heavenward, the whole system is thrilled with
an indescribable emotion. And we have a number
of recorded death-scenes, which partake of this char-
acter; and are greatly admired and extolled by the
injudicious and fanatical. Scenes of this kind, are
frequently the effect of disease, and sometimes of
medicine operating on the idiosyncrasy of particular
persons. Such persons may be pious, but the extra-
ordinary exhilaration and exstacy, of which they are
the subjects, ought not to be ascribed to supernatural
influence, but to physical causes. Between such ex-
periences, and the case described above, there is no
more resemblance, than between a blazing meteor,
which soon burns itself out, and the steady, genial
beams of the vernal sun. I once witnessed an extra-
ordinary scene of this kind in a skeptic, who neglected
religion, and scoffed at its professors, till very near the
close of life; and then seemed to be agitated and
exhilarated with religious ideas and feelings, leading
him to profess his faith in Christ, and to rejoice, and
exult in the assurance of salvation, and all this with-
out any previous conviction of sin, or mingled at the

234 THOUGHTS ON

time with deep penitential feelings. Well, wliy might
it not have been an instance of sovereign grace, like
that of the thief on the cross ? It is possible. As in
life, that piety which is founded on knowledge, and
in which the faculties of the mind continue to be well
balanced, and the judgment sound, is by far the least
suspicious; so those death-bed exercises, which are
of a similar character, are much to be preferred to
those which are flighty; and in which reason seems
to regulate the helm no longer; but an excited, and
irregular imagination assumes the government of the
man. According to this rule, some glowing narra-
tives of death-scenes will be set aside as, if not spu-
rious, yet not deserving to be admired and celebrated
as they often are.

* CHAPTER XVII.

Death-bed Exercises of Andrew Rivet.

I PROPOSE now to give a summary view of the re-
corded experiences of several eminent persons on
their death bed; and as comparisons among the living
are odious, so also among the dead, I will endeavour
to act the part of an impartial and faithful narrator,
but having given my analysis I will leave my readers
to judge respecting the genuineness and the devotion
of the persons whose exercises shall be introduced.
Our accounts of the death-scenes of the apostles are
too brief to enable us to say much about them; but
judging from their epistles, we may conclude, that
they met death, not only with firmness, but with joy.
Not one of them ever expresses the least fear of
death; but on the contrary, Paul speaks with exulta-
tion of the prospect before him, for he exclaims, " For
I am now ready to be offered up and the time of my
departure is at hand," " I have fought a good fight,
I have finished my course, I have kept the faith;

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

235

henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of right-
eousness, which God, the righteous Judge, will give
me at that day, and not to me only but to all who
love his appearing;" and Peter who knew that he
was to go out of the world by a violent death; as
Christ had showed him; yet he seems to be no how
troubled about it, but when old, speaks of it with the
utmost composure. " Yea, I think it meet," says he,
"as long as I am in this tabernacle to stir you up by
putting you in remembrance. Knowing that shortly
I must put off this my tabernacle, even as our Lord
Jesus Christ hath showed me." IS'^o doubt, John, the
beloved disciple, sweetly fell asleep, with love upon
his lips and in his heart. His whole soul seems to have
been dissolved into love, and to such a man death
could have no terrors. His brother James, who was
slain by the sword of Herod, is the only one of the
apostles of whose death we have an account in the
sacred word; except the awful account of the suicide
of the traitor. Of the circumstances of the death of
James, who seems to have been one of the most dis-
tinguished, and always when a selection was made
to witness any particular scene, he was one of them;
the historian, with characteristic brevity, says, " Now
about that time, Herod the king, stretched forth
his hands to vex certain of the church. And he

KILLED JAMES, THE BROTHER OF JOHN WITH THE

SWORD." From this we may learn, that in order to
go safely to heaven, it is not necessary, that we
should have a laudatory obituary on earth. I have
often been shocked with the thought, that while a
man's eulogy is pronounced upon earth, the poor
soul may be writhing and blaspheming in the tor-
ments of hell! Among the primitive members of the
Church, Stephen was the first martyr, and his death
was — I will not say heroic — for heroes know nothing
of Christ or heaven — but I will say it was Christian,
which is a much better style of dying, than any of the
heathen gods or goddesses knew any thing about.
He was well prepared, for he had just before been
favoured with a direct view into heaven, and saw

236

THOUGHTS ON

Christ on the right hand of God. No wounds on the
body would be felt by one absorbed in such a hea-
venly vision. 0 how little can they harm us who
can do no more than kill the body! They rushed upon
the man and hurried him to the place of execution
and stoned him, "calling on the name of God, and
saying, Lord Jesus receive my spirit. And he kneeled
down and cried with a loud voice. Lord lay not this
sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he
fell asleep." There was nothing wanting here to
render this a glorious death. And as he is called the
protomartyr, so his death was a prototype of the
deaths of succeeding martyrs. The accounts given of
the joys and triumphs of some of them, approximate
to miracle; but we know not how insensible to bodily
pain, the soul may be rendered, which is overflowing
with tlie love of Christ. This is the true secret of
their ambition to be crucified or burnt, or cast to the
wild beasts. But as these martyrs seem to have been
another race of men from us, and lived in times very
different from ours, let us come down and contem-
plate the dying Christian in circumstances similar to
our own; and see what grace can do, in these latter
days. And I propose to select the experiences of men
of different countries. The accounts which I shall
bring forward are not new: to some of my readers they
may all be familiar; but as the men were eminent in
the church, and distinguished for talents, their biogra-
phies being commonly known, will answer the end
in view, better than the death-bed exercises of un-
known persons, of whose lives we could have no
satisfactory information.

The first person of whose dying exercises I propose
to give a condensed narrative is Andrew Rivet, a
Frenchman by birth and education; but who spent
the greater part of his life in Holland; where at Ley-
den, he was professor of theology. The learned need
not be informed, that in that age when theology was
more thoroughly studied, than in any other since the
apostles' days, Andrew Rivet had no superior, wheth-
er you contemplate him as an exegetical or polemi-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 237

cal theologian. His acquaintance with the Christian
fathers was most exact and extensive; and he knew
how to estimate their labours, and what deference
was due to their authority, of which he gave full evi-
dence, in the work entitled Critici Sacri, which is
now the best guide on this subject, which the young
tlieologian can follow. Rivet's theology was as sound
as it was extensive. His great learning did not turn
his head or lead him into heresy; but it will be seen
by the following narrative, abridged from Middleton,
how little value he set on all his learning compared
with the teaching of the divine Spirit.

Having preached a sermon on Christmas day, he
was, immediately afterwards, taken ill, with a con-
stipation of the bowels. Of a beloved niece, who
attended on him, he asked what she thought of his
disease, which he thought would prove mortal, — she
answered, that she was of tlie same opinion, but that
he had nothing to fear, having been long prepared to
follow God, when he should call — and that his life
had already been long, and nothing left to be desired,
but that it should be crowned with a happy and glo-
rious end! « Thou speakest right," said he, "and I
pray thee always address thyself to me with like
speeches, and while my sickness continues, depart
not from me, day nor night. Promise me now that
thou wilt keep a cheerful countenance, and that thou
wilt speak nothing to me but what may administer
joy and support to me. Although I fear not death,
yet I fear the trial of those pains which I have always
had a very sharp feeling of." Then, suddenly turn-
ing his speech unto God, he said, "great God, thou
art my Father, thou hast given me both life and a
new life; thou hast taught me from my youth, and
I have declared thy wonderful works, forsake me
not now in my old age. Hitherto, through thy pecu-
liar favour, thou hast preserved me sound in my body
and my faculties, and the functions of my mind have
not been impaired, so that a little before I was op-
pressed by this disease, I found myself as apt and
ready for the exercise of my vocation, as in my flour-

238 THOUGHTS ON

ishing youth, 0, Lord God ! if it be thy will that I
should longer attend upon thy service, thou canst
assuage my disease in one moment; but if thou hast
decreed otherwise, thy will he done. This one thing
I beg with most inward affections, that thou wilt make
me conformable to thy good will — let not thy good
Spirit depart from me, that in this conflict thy strength
may make me a conqueror; accomplish this, 0 Lord,
for thine own sake, and since thou hast employed me
in thy work, grant that I may die an honourable
death! and such as may be an example unto others:
that I may stand fast in that sound doctrine which I
have taught, and may make a good confession thereof
before v/itnesses — that thereby thy church may be
both instructed and edified; let me applj'- to myself
by a lively faith, all the promises of the gospel, and
let them put forth their efficacy in me, unto my joy
and eternal consolation, that nothing in the world,
neither affliction nor distress, may separate me from
thee, or cause me to doubt of thy love and favour.
Thou knowest my weakness and infirmities, permit
not the grievousness of my pain to cast me into impa-
tience or murmuring; either make my pains tolerable,
or furnish me with fortitude and constancy sufficient
to bear them that I may not offend with vciy tongue —
keep thou the door of my lips!" The pains of his
disease were very great, but he continued to call upon
God for help and for support. His expressions of his
own sinfulness and weakness were of the most abas-
ing kind, confessing himself to be a miserable sinner,
and casting away all confidence in any good thing
which he had done in his life, — he accused his own
defects, and ascribed unto God all the good which he
had ever done, often rep(?ating such expressions as
these: "It is God that hath wrought the work for
me; shall I allege or plead my own righteousness
before Him? Far be that from me. If I should jus-
tify myself, my own mouth would condemn me. I
will rather open my sin before Him in a most hum-
ble confession of it, and pray that He will increase in
me the grace of true repentance; yea, let Him wear

nELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 239

out this body with sorrow, it matters not, so He give
to me a broken and a contrite spirit, which is a sacri-
fice acceptable imto himseh'. As for my part, I do
most wiUingly offer up myself. Accept, 0 Lord, this
imperfect sacrifice, and supply the defects thereof by
the perfect righteousness of that Great High Priest,
who, through the eternal Spirit, offered himself unto
God without spot. Let me be accepted as a living
sacrifice, holy, and well pleasing unto God, which is
our reasonable service. Crucify, 0 Lord, this old man,
that the body of sin may be utterly destroyed, and
that I may rise to newness of life. The ivages of sin
is death, but the gift of God is eternal life, through
Jesus Christ, our Lord." He repeated the word
GIFT and added, " it is mere grace, not of works, but
of him that calleth." ^'■Who shall lay anything to
the charge of God'' s elect? It is God that justifieth.
Who is he that condernneth? It is Christ that
died; yea, rather that is risen again, who is even at
the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession
for us."

After a short sleep, he proceeded, in the following
strain: "I am God's, and He will save me. He hath
honoured me with a holy calling, and hath not suf-
fered his gift to be altogether useless in me, as to the
edification of his church. As to myself, I can most
truly atfirm, that I have not served Him for filthy
lucre, but with a sincere heart; and that I myself was
first persuaded of the truth of the gospel, before I
preached it to others. I tasted the good word of God,
which, by its power, pierceth to the dividing asunder
of soul and spirit, and is a discerner of the thoughts
and intents of the heart. Thou hast known my heart,
0 eternal God! Thou knowest that I am not ashamed
of the gospel of Christ, but have esteemed it my only
honour to serve thee; and that I have delighted my-
self in the pleasure of obeying thy will. Such was
thy goodness to me. I truly and humbly acknow-
ledged that whatsoever good thing was in me, flowed
from thy grace; but my defects ought to be ascribed
to my inbred corruption. Alas! I acknowledge this

240 THOUGHTS ON

with humble and serious repentance. How often
have I sinned in so holy a charge, not only by omit-
ting many things which I ought to have done, but
also by doing many things amiss. Long since had
I been cast off, were it not that I had to do with so
good a Lord, who hath borne with me, and hath
been so gracious to me, as not to exact a severe ac-
count of my words and works. Alas! 0 Lord my
God! en^er not into judgment with thy servant; for
in thy sight shall no man living be justified. Let me
be found, not having my own righteousness, but the
righteousness of thy Son; for the sake of whom I
beg thy favour. Pardon, 0 my God! pardon the ini-
quity of thy servant, who is devoted to thy fear. I
refuse not thy discipline — I know it is necessary.
Only this I earnestly beg, that it may turn to my sal-
vation. ' Chasten me, 0 Lord, but in measure, lest
thou bring me to nothing.' Let not my trial exceed
my strength, lest I sin through impatience, and be-
come a scandal to those I should edify." With
many similar expressions, for which we have not
room.

To Renessius, a doctor ofdivinity, who came to see
him, he said, '•' I pray you testify unto all men, that I
die in the faith and the doctrine which I have always
delivered, both in preaching and writing; and if in
some things I have erred, I pray God, that He will
make perfect all my imperfections."

He received the visits of all who expressed a desire
to see him, and would have none hindered from
coming to him. "Let all that will," said he, "have
access to visit me. I ought to give an example of
dying to other men." And to those who stood around
his bed, he said, " Come see a man, who is an exam-
ple of the great mercy of God. What shall I render
unto him? All his benefits overwhelm me. He hath
so disposed my life, that in my whole course, I have
had a healthy body. He hath heaped upon me both
temporal and spiritual blessings; and now, before I
am rendered feeble or morose, through old age, he
comes unto me and prevents me. He has both called

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

241

me, and made me willing to follow at his call. And
now, when the end of my life is within my view, he
still affords me the perfect use of reason, that I may
praise my God in the land of the living, and instruct
my neighbours by my example. Pray for me, my
friends, that this grace may be contined unto me, un-
til I draw my last breath; that He will strengthen my
faith, confirm my patience, and raise my hope. He
hath already captivated all my affections to his will.
I have cast the care of me, of mine, of life, and all my
affairs, upon him. Let him do with my body as it
pleaseth him, so it may but be well with my soul.
* * * And now there is nothing I am concerned
about, neither is my life dear unto me, so that I may
finish my course with joy, and fulfil the ministry which
I liave received of the Lord; which is best done at
the last."

He would not permit any clergyman who came to
see him, go away without praying with him. It
grieved him much that his wife, who was of feeble
health, should be subjected to so much fatigue and
watchfulness in attending on him. But as she was
unwilling to leave him, he said, " Since thou wilt
have it so, tarry; it is a pleasure to me to see thee.
The Lord strengthen thee !" Friday nighi was spent
in grievous pains, and in most ardent prayers for the
church of God, for the princes, who were defenders of
it, for the people that lived under their jurisdiction,
and for the pastors, to whom the care of souls was
committed. He seemed to be greatly interested in be-
half of the United Provinces of Holland. "0 God,"
said he, " withdraw not thy protection from these
Provinces; neither remove thy candlestick away.
Let not thine anger burn against them, because of
that impiety and profaneness which hath made too
great a progress. Rather bow their hearts unto re-
pentance, and convert them, that thy judgments may
be prevented. Let them coalesce in one body; espe-
cially, let them be joined unto thee, without whom
all union is but conspiracy. Preside in their Assem-
bly; and bend their hearts, so that all their decrees

242

THOUGHTS ON

may lean to the good of the Commonwealth, and
especially of the church," &c.

His sufferings were exceedingly great, but he bore
them with wonderful patience, and whenever there
was the least interval of ease, he was engaged in
prayer or exhortation. On the last day of Decem-
ber, which closed the current year, Mr. Rivet, after
having endured indescribable agonies from the dis-
ease, and from the remedies made use of, offered
up the following fervent prayer for the church: — " 0
Lord, it is thy possession, which thou hast purchased
with thy own blood. Forsake not thy own work —
let a holy jealousy be kindled in thee. Lift up on
high the arms of thy power, and bring down the
audacious ones, Avhich tyrannize over thy flock. Re-
buke thou the negligent that heal her wounds slight-
ly. Reduce in the right way those that wander,
and strengthen those ready to fall through division.
Gather both the one and the other to thyself, into one
body, building them up upon the foundations of the
apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the
chief corner stone, in whom all the building fitly
framed together, groweth into a holy temple in the
Lord." And then making a little pause, he said, " I
have been one of those builders; I have brought what
I received from the Lord, that I might put to my
helping hand, with others, towards the building of
the temple; and I myself shall be a living stone in
the house."

On the first day of the year 1651, and the Lord's
day, upon opening his eyes, he said, "0 Lord, thou
hast granted me to see the beginning of the year.
Thou hast measured out my time until the middle of
this age." Having sent to the Hague for his son, he
inquired respecting the weather, and being informed
that the cold was sharp and severe, he prayed thus,
" O my God, bring my son unto me, that I may see
him, embrace him, and bless him, before I die."
Then turning to his wife, he said, " dost thou think
that this earnest desire to see my son proceeds from
mere natural affection? Nothing less. Truly I love

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

243

no man any more according to the flesh. I earnestly
desire his eternal salvation, and I hope to have such
discourses with jiim, which may increase his zeal in
adorning his spiritual vocation." (His son was a
minister.) "I have yet spirit and utterance sufficient
for this work. Let none be hindered from coming to
me. It is usual for a man in my station, by admon-
ishing others, publicly to make profession of his own
faith. Not for the sake of a little vain-glory, 0 Lord,
thou knowest ; for it little concerns me to be approved
nnto men, provided, I may approve myself unto God.
But I desire the salvation of many, and to give testi-
mony to the truth of those things which I have pub-
licly taught."

Some officers of the garrison having come to see
him, two or three of whom were from France, he
addressed them in the following manner, " I rejoice
that I have an opportunity to make a confession of
my faith before you that are my countrymen; and I
pray you to keep it in memory, and give testimony of
it, where it shall be necessary. You see before you,
a man, weak indeed, but without guile, who solemn-
ly protesteth, that he hath never published in his wri-
tings, nor taught with his lips, any thing that did not
agree with the sense of his heart, and the doctrine
which hath been delivered to us by the prophets and
apostles, which is the same with that laid down in
the Confession of Faith of our churches, in which I
have lived, and in which I purpose to die. The Lord
God Almighty confirm you in that faith, so that no-
thing may move you from it. ' For what will it pro-
fit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his
own soul.-*' Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and
the righteousness thereof, and then all other things
shall be added unto you. Learn to number your
days, and get a wise heart. Look upon me, and let
me be as an example unto you.' It is but eight days
since I preached to you of man's frailty, being myself
in health and lively at that time, and now you see
the truth of what I said, in myself." And then taking
leave of them he said, " The Lord deliver you from

244 THOUGHTS ON

the allurements of the world, and give you an in-
crease of his fear and of all spiritual gifts."

When his visiters were all gone, and his own fami-
ly stood around his bed, he said to his niece, " My
daughter do not depart from me, but persist with me
in the duty of prayer. Do not fear to rehearse all
those words to me, which God shall suggest unto thy
heart or mouth. This sweet and pleasing communi-
cation shall help to pass over the night with the
more ease. And God will be with us and assist our
good intentions. He will help our weaknesses and
afford us matter of supplications, and thanksgivings.
Such discourses are pleasing unto him. He attends
unto them that fear him, when they talk together of
those things that belong to the salvation of their
souls." And then, as one in a rapture, he exclaim-
ed, " My God, thou hast drawn me and I was drawn.
Thou hast known me from my mother's womb with
a merciful and efficacious knowledge. Thou hast
called me by name. Thou hast bored mine ears, and
I was attentive. 1 have declared thy message in the
congregation, and thy word was sweeter than honey
in my mouth. Who am I, 0 God, but dust and ashes,
an earthen and a frail vessel, into which, notwithstand-
ing, thou hast been pleased to pour a holy liquor, and
seed of immortality. Thou livest, and thou makest
me to live. I shall not die, but live for ever, with
that ' life which is hid with Christ in God,' Blessed
and holy is he who hath a part in the first resurrec-
tion: over him the second death shall have no power.
'Behold I am dead, and also raised from the dead. I
live, but not in myself, but in the life of the Son of
God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.' Thou
hast chosen me before thou gavest me a being. And
it pleased thee that I should be born of believing
parents, and especially of a mother eminent in holi-
ness, who dedicated me to thy service from my ten-
der years. With what care and affection did she
instil the seeds of piety into me. And the Almighty
God, who worketh in all, gave his blessing to this
diligent nurture, and heard his ardent prayers; and

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

245

my ministry hath been accepted of him. I am thy
servant, 0 my God, thou hast taught me from my
youth; and I have taught thy wonderful works, and
thy grace unto this day; for thy gifts have not been
without fruit in me. Thou usest weak instruments
for the accompUshing of thy work. Thou hast par-
doned, thou hast helped me, thou hast accepted the
truth and sincerity of my heart. And now, 0 my
God, seeing it is evident that thou wilt have me re-
tire from this valley of miseries, do not thou forsake
me in this last and important act. If it be thy will,
that I die, that also is my will. I am ready — my
heart is prepared. I give thee my heart, for that is
it which thou requirest. Let this gift be approved by
thee. Receive this gift which is thy own, from him
to whom thou hast given all things — who gives him-
self to thee. 0 Lord, I give thee thanks; thou in-
structest me, thou enlightenest me, thou talkest with
my soul, 0 Lord. Thou embracest me in the arms of
thy mercy. Grant also that I may embrace thee, by
a lively faith, and that I may apply unto myself the
promises of the gospel, which I have proposed unto
others. Let them be effectual in me, that by them
I may be supported against all pains, yea, death
itself"

Mr. Rivet had a brother in the ministry nearly as
eminent as himself, whom he loved with a very sin-
cere and tender afiection. The niece who now attended
on him, was the daughter of this brother, and that he
might know the gracious dealings of God towaids
him in his sickness, he requested liis niece to write
down whatever he might say, from time to time, and
communicate it to her father. " Not," says he, *' that
I would procure praise to myself, but I would have it
known to all, that the religion which I have professed
and taught in the name of God, is the true religion,
and that alone which leads men unto salvation; and,
particularly, I would have my brother informed of
that inestimable grace which I have received of God,
that he may be abundantly comforted and strengthen-
ed in his expectation of a better life, which I already

246

THOUGHTS ON

enjoy. 0! with how great love have I loved and
esteemed him! Yea, I have loved the gifts of God in
him, and shall love them to the last. I pray God,
who is the giver of every good gift, that he will
strengthen and make perfect his own work in him.
0, Lord God, I pray not only for my brother, but for
all those in France to whom thou hast committed the
conduct and rule of the churches; bless their persons,
sanctify their gifts, grant that they may return to the
simplicity which is in Christ, and that they detract not
from the glory of God to ascribe unto man v/hat be-
longs to his salvation." He now broke out in an
extraordinary transport, " 0 great and immense mer-
cy! who can but be rapt into admiration? He gives
both being and well-being, — he bestows his gifts, he
supporteth, he pardoneth, he worketh in us both to
will and to do, according to his good pleasure, and
when himself hath given and wrought all this, yet
he gives to us an eternal reward." But not satisfied
with sending messages to his brother, on the 2d
day of January he requested to be raised up and
placed in a chair, that he might write to him; and,
accordingly, he penned, with his own hand, a fare-
well letter,full of solemnity and tenderness; he wrote
also to his nephew, — after which exertion he found
himself much exhausted. But the only thing which
gave him any uneasiness of mind, was, lest he should
be disappointed in seeing his son. But his comforts
were not uninterrupted. After his regular physicians
had given him up, some persons who had known
relief, in such cases, from a particular remedy, urged
that it should be tried. He submitted, but while the
experiment put him to great pain, it produced no
change for the better; and when it was over, his mind
appeared to be perturbed and uncomfortable. "Alas!"
said he, " He is departed from me that made glad my
heart. I have grieved that Holy Spirit, the com-
forter, who had filled my soul with peace and joy. I
have been so wretched and unhappy as to give ear to
those who spoke to me of my returning to the world. I
have been tickled with the desire of living, and how

KELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

247

could such a thing be, after the fruits of the heavenly
Canaan had been tasted?" Here he appeared much
distressed, and casting his arms about the neck of his
beloved niece, exclaimed, "my dear niece, help me,
continue to discourse of good things to me, — call
upon the Comforter to return and renew that excel-
lent work which he had begun in me. 0, return! re-
turn! conform me with thy strength before I go hence
and be seen no more." He remained in this state of
distress for a short time — when he was reminded of
the precious promises of God; but being exhausted, he
fell into a swoon. When he opened his eyes, he said
to his wife, who was by him, "my dearest yoke-fel-
low, we have lived together in peace for thirty years,
and I thank thee for thy help, which hath been a
great comfort unto me, for I did cast all domestic
cares on thee; continue, I beseech thee, to love my
children with that pious affection which thou hast
hitherto," (the children were by a former wife).
Then turning to his son, who had arrived that morn-
ing, he said, "and thou my son, love and honour this
dearest companion of my life, the partner of all my
joys and my sorrows, who hath done the duty of a
motlier towards thee, — this I desire of thee, and this I
command thee, as thou expectest a blessing from God
upon what I have gotten for my labour, — divide it
between you, without quarrelling or contention, ac-
cording to what is just and right. Then taking hold
of both their hands and joining them together, he
said, " promise that you will maintain a holy and mu-
tual friendship with each other," — to which they
gave their assent. Then turning to his wife, he said,
" the Lord bless thee, my dear love, and strengthen
thee. He is a husband to the widow, and a father of
the fatherless."

And to his son, "the Almighty Father bless thee,
my son, guide thee in all thy ways, enrich thee with
all Christian virtues, and plentifully make thee to
abound in all spiritual and temporal blessings! Re-
gard not the world, nor its deceitful hopes, for the
world passeth away, and the lusts thereof. Place all

248

THOUGHTS ON

thy felicity in the blessing of God. Be strong in
faith, and prepared unto every good work. Let the
peace of God dwell in thee, and make thee peaceable
and kind." And to his niece, he said, " Farewell,
my dear niece, we have a kindred in the heavens,
which shall endure for ever."

After many other similar discourses, to those recor-
ded, he again collected his family and blessed them,
and desired all to retire and leave him alone. His
niece, who scarcely ever went out of his sight, asked,
if he wished her to withdraw also, he said, " Do not
go from me, but be thou a witness of my last hours."
After he had exhausted himself with conversation
with his son, Mr. Hulsius, and others, he was asked
how he did, he said, " Very well — I feel no pain — I
am filled with the grace of God — lam not sensible of
cold or heat — I fear, no more, the inconveniences of
temporal life — the Spirit of God strengthens me, and
affords me abundant consolations. I have no doubt
of my salvation. He hath set me on high. He hath
hid me in his hiding place. He hath fenced me round
about, and hath perfected whatsoever concerns me. I
am like a vessel filled with pure water which no
agitation troubles. It is God that justifieth me, who
shall condemn? It is Christ that died, yea rather is
risen again." * * * " 0 my God, I thank thee that
thou hast given me the spirit of humility, sincerity
and truth. I have not been as a tinkling cymbal.

0 Lord, thou knowest the secrets of my soul, and my
inmost thoughts. Thou hast taught me in the school
of true doctrine, and I have above all sought the
glory of thy name. 0 Lord, I wait for the moment
which thou hast determined. I believe, I persevere.

1 am not troubled. The Spirit of God vvitnesseth
with my spirit that I am a child of God."

Though every day was expected to be his last, yet
the strength of his constitution enabled him to hold
out until Saturday, January 7, 1651. To the last, he
continued to spend his whole time, when awake, in
prayer, and in such discourses as we have recorded.
On Thursday morning, when he saw the light of day.

RELIGrorS EXPERIENCE. 249

he said, " It is day-light. I shall shortly no more
know the difference between day and night. I am
come to the eve of that great and eternal day, and
am going to that place, where the sun shall no more
give light. God will bean everlasting light nntome;
and already, 0 Lord, thon sendest the rays of that
light into my soul, and openest my eyes that I may
perceive them. 0 how powerfully dost thou work in
me! While this old man decays, thou puttest on me
the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after
the image of him that created it. Deliver me from
this prison, that I may celebrate thy name; yet nei-
ther do I so contemn this body, as not to think of its
■restoration; for I know thy dead shall live, yea my
dead body. It is sown in corruption, it shall be raised
in iiicorruption; it is sown a vile body, but it will
rise a glorious body; it is sown in weakness, but it
shall be raised again in power. In a word, it shall
be conformed to the glorious body of our Lord Jesus
Christ, who is become the first fruits of them that
sleep. I shall see him in my flesh — mine own eyes
shall see him — I shall behold his face in righteousness,
and shall be satisfied with his likeness when I
awake." The whole of this day was spent in such
like discourses. Among other things, he said, "The
sense of divine favour increaseth in me every moment.
My pains are tolerable, but my joys inestimable.
I am no more vexed with earthly cares. I remem-
ber when any new book came out, how earnestly I
have longed after it — but now all that is but dust.
Thou art my all, 0 Lord, my good is to approach unto
thee. 0, what a library have I in God! in whom is
all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Thou
art the teacher of spirits — I have learned more divin-
ity in these ten days that thou hast come to visit me,
than I did in fifty years before." The last words
he attempted to utter, were those of Paul, "I have
fought a good fight," &c. and when others assisted
him to finish them, he said. Amen.

250 THOUGHTS ON

CHAPTER XVIII.

Death-bed exercises and speeches of Rev. Thomas Halyburton.

Having in a former chapter given an account of
Halyburton's conversion, written by himself, in ma-
ture age, it will be gratifying to the pious reader to
learn how he ended his course; and how his religion
sustained him in the last trying conflict. And here,
as in the case of Rivet, much opportunity was given
to this holy man to leave behind him an ample testi-
mony of the preciousness of the Lord Jesus Christ,
and of the power of divine grace to support and com-
fort the true believer, even in the pangs of dissolu-
tion. When first seized with mortal sickness, he
experienced, for a while, a terrible conflict, in which
he was afraid that his faith would fail; but his God
was merciful and faithful to his promises, and came
to his relief. To one who came to see him, he said,
"I have a great conflict, and my faith is like to fail.
0 that I may be kept now in this last trial, that is
ensuing, from being an offence to God and his peo-
ple." When some of his brethren came to see him,
he said, " I am but young, and have but little experi-
ence, but this death-bed now makes me old, and
therefore I use the freedom to exhort you to faithful-
ness in the Lord's work. You will never repent this.
He is a good JNIaster, I have always found him so.
If I had a thousand lives, I would think them all too
little to employ in his service." But for several days
he was under a cloud, and his spiritual joys had de-
serted him; and when a friend came in, he said, " 0
what a terrible conflict I had yesterday; but now I
can say, ' I have fought the good fight, I have kept
the faith.' Now he has filled my mouth with a new
song. 'Jehovah Jireh, in the mount of the Lord.'
Praise, praise is comely for the upright. Shortly I
shall get a different view of God from what I have

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 251

ever had, and shall be more qualified to praise him
than ever. 0! tlie thougiits of an incarnate God are
sweet and ravishing. And how do I wonder at my-
self that I do not love him more. 0 that I could
honour him! What a wonder that I enjoy so much
coniposure under uU my bodily trouble, and in view
of approaching death. 0 what a mercy, that I have
the use of my reason till I have declared his goodness
unto me." To his wife he said, " He came to me in
the third watch of the night, walking upon the waters,
and he said unto me, 'I am Alpha and Omega, the
lieginning and the end. I was dead and am alive,
and live for ever more, and have the keys of liell and
death.' ' He stilleth the tempest, and 0 there is a
sweet calm in my soul." To one who requested
him to be careful of iiis health, he replied, "I'll strive
to last as long as I can, and I'll get my rest ere it be
long. I have no more to do with time, but carefully
to measure it out for the glory of God." Then he
said, ■' I shall see my Redeemer stand on the earth at
the last day; but I hope to see him before that, the
Lamb in the midst of the throne. 0 it will be a beauti-
ful company, 'The spirits of just men made perfect,
and Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant. 0
for grace, grace, to bo patient to the end.'" When
one said, "Keep the light of the window from him,"
he said, "Truly light is sweet, and a pleasant thing
it is to behold the sun — the Sun of Righteousness.
0 glorious light, when the Lamb is the light of the
temple. We cannot have a conception of it now, eye
hath not seen, nor ear heard, &c." Seeing his youngest
child, he caused them to bring her to him, and said,
" Mary, my dear, the Lord bless you. The God of
your father and of my father bless you. — The God
that fed me all my life. — The Angel that redeemed
me from all evil, bless you and the rest, and be your
portion. That is a goodly heritage, better than if I
had crowns and sceptres to leave you. - JSIy child, I
received you from him, and I give you to him again."
To his wife he said," Encourage yourself in the Lord.
He will keep you, even though you come into enemies'

252 THOUGHTS ON

hands, surely he will cause the enemy to treat you
well." He then declared his willingness to part
with his dearest relatives, and said, "For this is the
practical part of religion; to make use of it when we
come to the strait. This is a lesson of practical di-
vinity." When the physician came in, he addressed
him in the following solemn and pungent language,
" Doctor, as to this piece of work you are nearly at an
end of it. I wish you to lay it to heart; death will
come to your door also. And it is a business of great
moment to die like a Christian; and it is a rare thing.
Christ himself has told us that there are few that shall
be saved even among them who are outwardly called.
I wish the Lord himself may show you kindness.
The greatest kindness I am now capable of showing
you is, to recommend serious religion to you. There
is a reality in religion, Doctor, but this is an age that
hath lost the sense of it. 'He has not said to the
house of Jacob, seek ye my face in vain.' Atheists
will one day see whether it be so or not. I bless God
that I was educated by godly parents in the princi-
ples of the Church of Scotland. I bless him that
when I came to riper years, I did, on mature delibe-
ration, make these principles my choice. I bless the
Lord, I have been helped ever since to adhere to
them, without wavering. I bless him that I have
seen that holiness yields peace and comfort in pros-
perity and adversity. What should I seek more, or
desire more to give in evidence of the reality of re-
ligion? Therefore I am not ashamed of the gospel of
Christ; for it is the power of God unto salvation to
every one that believeth. I am so far from altering
my thoughts of religion by reason of the present con-
tempt thrown on it, and opposition made to it, that
these things endear it the more to me." After much
more of the same kind, he said, "Well, Doctor, the
Lord be with you, and persuade you to be in earnest.
I return you thanks for your attention." After a
pause, he proceeded, "Every one that is in Christ
Jesus must be a new creature: he must have union
with Christ and a new nature. That is the ground-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 253

work of religion. The Christian religion is little
understood by the most of us. 0, the gospel of
Christ, how purely was it preached in this place,
when I was at the university; though I found not
the sweetness of it, at that time, as 1 have found it
since. It has fallen on me like showers on the mown
grass. Verily there is a reality in religion. Few
have lively impressions of it. Now get acquaintance
with God. The little acquaintance 1 have had with
God these two days, has more than ten thousand
times repaid the pains I have in all my life taken
about religion. It is a good thing to have God to
go to, when we are turning our face against the
wall. 'He is known for a refuge in the palaces of
Zion, a very present help in trouble.' 0 there is a
strange hardness in the heart of man."

To his children, he said, " My children, I have no-
thing to say to you, but that ye be seekers of God.
Fulfil my joy. Alas! that I was so long in beginning
to seek God! and yet I was touched with convictions
tiiat God was seeking me, before I arrived at the
years of some of yon." To his eldest daughter he
said, " Margaret, you seem sometimes to have con-
victions; beware of them — they are the most danger-
ous things you ever meddled with: for although you
seek not God, every one of them is God's messen-
ger; and if you despise God's messenger, it will be
avenged on you. My dear, seek the Lord, and be
your mother's comfort."

He requested that the 13Sth of Mr. Rutherford's
letters should be read to him, and then said, "This
is a book I would recommend to you all; there is
more practical religion in that letter, than in some
large volumes."

When the three ministers of the place came to see
him, he addressed them with great fidelity and affec-
tion:— "Dear brethren, it is not from any confidence
in myself, but out of a sincere love to you, and from
what I myself have experienced, that for your encou-
ragement I presumed to say: when the Lord helped
me to diligence in studying and meditating, I found
' 17

254 THOUGHTS ON

him then remarkably shining upon me, and testifying
his approbation of a sincere mind. There is nothing
to be had with a slack hand." And to one of them
who had recently entered the ministry, "Your entry
into His ministry, is likely to fall on an evil day; but
there is one thing for your encouragement: you have
a call. The times will make hard work for you in
this place; but that which makes your work the
harder is, that the people are hardened under a long
course of pure gospel ordinances. However, be
faithful, and God will strengthen his own work. I
will not say that you will get things brought to the
state you desire them; but I'll tell you I have ever
thought, and I'll abide by it, if ministers will ply
their work, though they cannot bring sinners to the
Lord, they may make their consciences, that a prophet
has been among them, speak for the Lord, whether
they will or not."

" Now, brethren, give diligence, hold fast what ye
have, I must say a word unto my brethren, it is on
my heart; I am young, but I am near the end of my
life, and that makes me old. It becomes me to take
advice from you, however, I only wish to exhort you
to diligence in the common salvation, — I repent I did
no more, but I have peace in reflecting that what I
did, I did sincerely. He accepted the mite. It was
the delight of my heart to preach the gospel, and it
made me sometimes neglect a frail body. I even
thought if I could contribute to the saving of a soul,
it would be to me a star, a crown — a glorions crown.
I knew this was the thing that I aimed at — I desired
to decrease, that the bridegroom might increase; and
to be nothing, that He might be all, and I rejoice in
his exaltation." To two ministers who came in from
the country, he said, •' brethren, we have need to
take care, with the great apostle, lest when we have
preached Christ to others, we ourselves should be cast-
aways. We have need to fear, lest it be so. Happy
is the man that feareth always. Be diligent in preach-
ing the gospel — let it be your care not only to be dili-
gent in composing sermons, but, above all, to scan

RELIGIOUS EXPERIEXCE. 255

your own hearts, to enable you to dive info con-
sciences to awaken liypocrites, and to separate the
precious from the vile — and to do it with sucli accu-
racy as not lo make sad the hearts of those whom
God would have made glad. The great point in
religion, and in the management of your ministry, is,
that you may obtain the testimony of the great Shep-
herd, when he shall appear. As to the work of the
ministry, it was my delight and my deliberate choice;
and were my days lengthened out much more, and
the times as troublesome as they are likely to be, I
would rather be a continued minister of God, than
the greatest prince on earth. I preached the gospel of
Christ with pleasure, and loved it, for my own soul's
salvation was upon it, and since I lay down, I have
not changed my thoughts about it. I connnend it to
you all to double your diligence. There may be hard
conflicts; you have a prospect of difficulties between
you and the grave. We all appear good when un-
tried, but we have need to have on the whole armour
of God, to watch and be sober."

To his successor in the parish which he had served
before he came to the University, he said, " I have
this to say, as to that congregation, that people were
my choice. With much peace and pleasure I preach-
ed as I could, though not as I should, the gospel of
Jesus Christ. Though, in all things, I own myself to
have sinned exceedingly before the Lord, yet I have
the consolation that I anxiously aimed at leading
them to the Lord Jesus, and another foundation can
no man lay. I hope you will build on the same
foundation, for, as you will in that way save your
own soul, so it is the way to save them that hear you.
From experience I can say, that the pursuing this
sincerely, is the way of salvation. Signify to them
that if it pleases the Lord to take me away, I die,
rejoicing in the faith, and in the profession of what I
preached to them, under a low state of body; and,
that without this I could have no comfort. I would
have my people understand, that the gospel which I
recommended to them, if not received, will be a wit-

256

THOUGHTS ON

ness against them." His successor remarked, " I am
persuaded you have seals to your ministry in that
parish." He answered, " we are Hke our Master, set
for the fall and rising again of many, though we can
do no more; if we are faithful, they shall know that a
prophet has been among them."

Mr. Halyburton conversed much with his friends,
and most of his discourses have been preserved, but
we have only room for a small part of what he uttered
on his death-bed. A specimen, however, will serve
to show the spirit of the man, and the state of his
mind, as weU as the whole. There are still some of
his dying speeches so excellent, that I cannot think
that their insertion will appear tedious to the pious
reader. But besides his discourses with his friends
and visiters, he drew up a paper in the form of a last
will or testimony, in which he gives at large his
views of doctrine and worship. The whole of this
paper is highly worthy of attention, but we can only
insert the following extract:

"Everything in God's way and in his word is
glorious, honourable, and like himself He needs
none of our testimonies; but it is the least that we
can do to signify our wishes to have his praises cele-
brated. And I, being so many ways obliged, take
this solemn occasion to acknowledge, before I leave
the world, these, among many other innumerable
obligations; and I desire to bequeath this as my last,
best legacy, to my family, even my serious and solemn
advice, that they should make choice of God for their
God. He has been my father's God: the God both
of my wife's predecessors and mine; and he has been,
we hope, our God; and I recommend him to my
children, for their God; solemnly charging them, even
all of them, as they will be answerable on the great
day, to make it their first care, to seek after peace
with God, and reconciliation through Christ crucified;
and being reconciled, to make it their constant care
to please him in all things. I beseech them with all
the bowels of a father, as they love their souls, that
they sit not down short of a saving acquaintance with

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 257

him; that they wait dihgently upon the means of
grace, atid attend the worship of God in all duties,
especially secret and family duties, and that they
carefully attend public ordinances. Beware of con-
tenting yourselves with the mere form of these duties,
but cry to the Lord for communion in them; and
for the outpouring of his Spirit, whereby ye may be
enabled to worship God in spirit, who is a Spirit.
It is my charge to you, and that in which I am more
concerned than in any thing relating to you, that you
follow him fully, without turning to the right hand,
or to the left. In this way I dare promise you bless-
edness. If you follow this way, I do bless you all,
and pray that He who blesses, and they who are
blessed, may bless you all. I have, often as I could,
devoted all of you to God; and there is nothing I
have so much at heart, as that ye may indeed be the
Lord's. And if ye turn aside from this way, I would
have this be a standing witness against you, in the
day of the Lord. 0 that God himself by his grace,
may, in the day of his power, determine your tender
hearts to seek him early; for then will He be a good
portion unto you."

When some people came in to see him, he said,
" For these fourteen or fifteen years, I have been
studying the promises; but I have seen more of the
book of God this night, than in all that time. 0 the
wisdom that is laid up in the book of God! I know,
a great deal that comes from a dying man will go for
canting and raving, but I bless God, that he has pre-
served to me the little judgment that I had, and I
have been enabled, with composure, to reflect on his
dealing with me. I am sober and composed, if I
ever was so. And whether men will hear or forbear,
this is my testimony. The operations of the Spirit
of God, are ridiculed in this day; but if we take away
the operations and influences of the Spirit of God,
in religion, I know not what is left. He promised
the Spirit to lead us into all truth. 0 that this gene-
ration would awake to seek after the quickening
influences of the Spirit. 0 for a day of the down

258

THOUGHTS ON

pouring of the Spirit from on high, in a work of con-
version ! — For such a day as that, when the Spirit of
God effectually reached our fathers, and brought
forth great men, and caused others to be conquered
by thern ! ' The residue of the Spirit is with him.' "

The state of the church was much on his mind,
and he was greatly concerned for Scotland, lest a
dry, formal, and merely rational religion should pre-
vail; of which he saw some symptoms. He ex-
pressed also strong apprehensions that the judgments
of God were about to be inflicted on his country.
The welfare of his pupils also engaged much of his
attention. He often expressed a desire to have them
around him, that he might give them one practical
lecture from his death bed. But as this could not
be done, it being vacation, he dictated a letter to the
students of theology, in which he gives them solemn
and useful advice. He recommended to them the
perusal of the writings of the great Dr. Owen; but
immediately added, "But the word of God, in depen-
dence on the Spirit of God, must be your study and
meditation, day and night. Words cannot express
what I have found of God, since I came to this
bed of languishing; I am bold to recommend to
you this work, as the most noble, honourable, and
advantageous you can be employed in. And I
am this day sure, from experence, that it is better
to serve the Lord in the gospel of his Son, than to
serve the greatest princes on earth, in the highest
station. If God help you in this service, the reward
is too great to be expressed. My thoughts, my words
are swallowed up, and my affection toward you is
such, that my body would quite sink to speak what is
in my heart, of love to you, and desire to have you
acquainted with my dearest Lord, to whom I was
always deeply obliged, but am now so much indebted
that I fear to mention how good he has been to my
soul. 0 choose him — cleave to him — serve him —
study to know him more and more — live in communion
with him. Never rest until you reach eternal com-
munion with him. I have desired my brother-in-law

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

259

to sign this in iny name. I wish nothing more than
that when you have done ranch service to the church
here, I may have the happiness of hearing you ap-
proved by the Great Shepherd."

As his disease was a puhnonary consumption, he
lasted long, and retained the uninterrupted exercise of
his reason, and after the first severe conflict, of which
mention was made, he enjoyed peace and joy without
intermission, and manifested in manifold ways, and
particularly by his heavenly discourse, the power of
divine grace, and the eminence of that faith in Christ,
by which he was so remarkably supported to the end.
He lost no opportunity of seeking to benefit all who
approached him, and often addressed himself to his
wife and children individually, in the most tender and
earnest manner. And as many ministers came to see
him, he exercised great fidelity in his solemn exhorta-
tions to them, to be diligent and faithful in the work
of the Lord. At length the powers of nature were
exhausted, and for some days he was in a dying state.
Among his last words were, " Free grace, free grace —
not unto me." And when his speech had utterly
failed, when one said, I hope you are encouraging
yourself in the Lord, he lifted up his hands and clap-
ped them.

CHAPTER XIX.

Dying Experience of Mr. John Janeway, the Rev. Edward Payson,
and Rev. Samuel Finley, D. D.

Mr. Janeway was a young man who had just enter-
ed the holy ministry, when he was called away, and
exchanged earth for heaven. He was never permit-
ted to preach more than two sermons, before his lungs
were so affected, that he was obliged to cease from his
earthly labours. During his last days, he was absorb-
ed in the contemplation of Christ and heaven. His

260 THOUGHTS ON

meditations, his discourses, his whole deportment,
made it evident, that he was ripening for glory. His
faith had grown up to a full assurance, and he often
feasted on the rich provisions of God's house, and
enjoyed many foretastes of future blessedness. The
Lord often called him up to the mount and let liim
see his glory. In the midst of earthly comforts, he
longed for death, and his thoughts of the day of judg-
ment were refreshing to him. He would say, " What
if the day of judgment were come, even this hour, I
would be glad with all my heart. I should behold
such lightnings, and hear such thunderings as Israel
did at the mount, and I am persuaded, my heart
would leap for joy. The meditation of that day,
hath even ravished my soul; and the thoughts of its
certainty and nearness, are more refreshing to my
soul, than all earthly comforts. Surely nothing can
more revive my spirit, than to behold the blessed
Jesus, who is the life and joy of my soul." When
he began to sink rapidly under his complaint, his soul
was so devoutly occupied in the contemplation of
Christ and heaven, that he almost forgot his pains and
sickness. His faith, his love, and his joy, exceedingly
abounded. Ha would frequently exclaim, " Oh! that
I could let you know what I feel! Oh, that I could
show you what I now see! Oh, that I could express
the thousandth part of that sweetness which I now
find in Christ! You would then all think it worth
while to make religion your chief business. Oh, my
dear friends, you little think what Christ is worth
upon a death-bed. I would not now for a world,
nay, for a million of worlds, be without Christ and
pardon. I would not for a world live any longer,
and the very thought of a possibility of recovery,
makes me tremble. I do tell you, that I so long to
be with Christ, that I could be content to be cut in
pieces, and put to the most exquisite tortures, so I
might die and be w^xh Christ. Oh how sweet Jesus
is. ' Come Lord Jesus, come quickly.' Death do thy
worst. Death has lost its terrors. Through grace, I
can say death is nothing to me. I can as easily die

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 261

as shut my eyes. I long to die — I long to be with
Christ." He charged his friends most earnestly, not
to pray for his Hfe. " Oh the glory, the unspeakable
glory which I behold — my heart is full — my iieart is
full. Christ smiles, and I am constrained to smile.
Can you find it in your hearts to stop me, now I am
going to the complete and eternal enjoyment of Christ.-'
Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of
my blessed Saviour are open to receive me. The
angels stand ready to carry my soul into his bosom.
Oh, did you see but what I see, you would cry out
with me, ' Dear Lord, how long.' ' Come Lord Jesus,
come quickly.' ' Oh why are thy chariot wheels so
long in coming.' " A minister having spoken to him
of the joys of heaven, he said, " Sir, I feel something
of it. My heart is as full as it can hold in this lower
state. I can hold no more. Oh, that I could but let
you know what I feel. Who am I Lord, who am I,
that thou shouldst be mindful of me? Why me,
Lord, why me? and pass by thousands to look on
such a wretch as I. Oh, what shall I say unto thee,
thou preserver of men? Oh blessed, and for ever
blessed, be free grace. Why is it Lord that thou
shouldest manifest thyself unto me and not to others?
*Even so, Father, because it seemed good in thy
sight.' Thou wilt have mercy, because thou wilt
have mercy. And if thou wilt look on such a worm,
who can hinder? Who would not love thee, 0 bless-
ed Father? Oh how sweet and gracious hast thou
been to me! Oh, that He should have me in his
thoughts before the foundation of the world.

On one occasion, after his brother had been praying
with him, his joys became unutterable, he broke out
in such exclamations as these, " Oh, He is come — He
is come — how sweet, how glorious, is the blessed
Jesus! He is altogether lovely. How shall I speak
the thousandth part of his praise? Oh for words to
set forth a little part of his excellency! Come look
on a dying man and wonder. Was there ever greater
kindness? Were there ever more sensible manifesta-
tions of grace? Oh why me. Lord, why me? Surely

262

THOUGHTS ON

this is akin to heaven, and if I were never to enjoy
more than this, it is more than a sufficient recompense
for all that men and devils could inflict. If this be
dying, it is sweet. The bed is soft. Christ's arms,
and smiles, and love, surely would turn hell into
heaven. Oh that you did but see and feel what I do.
Behold a dying man, more cheerful than you ever
saw a man in health, in the midst of his sweetest
worldly enjoyments. Oh sirs, worldly pleasures are
poor, pitiful, sorry things, when compared with this
glory in my soul." He often exhorted those around
him to assist him in his praises. " Oh," said he," help
me to praise God. Henceforth, through eternity, I
have nothing else to do but to love and praise the
Lord. I cannot tell what to pray for, which is not
already given me. I want only one thing, and that
is, a speedy lift to heaven. I expect no more here.
I desire no more — I can bear no more. Oh praise,
praise, praise that boundless love which hath won-
derfully looked upon my soul, and hath done more for
me, than for thousands of his children. Bless the
Lord, 0 my soul, and all that is within me bless his
holy name. 0 my friends, help me, help me, to ad-
mire and praise Him who hath done such astonishing
wonders for my soul. He hath pardoned all my sins
and filled me with his goodness. He hath given me
grace and glory, and no good thing hath He withheld
from me. All ye mighty angels help me to praise
God. Let every thing that hath being help me to
praise Him. Praise is my work now, and will be my
work for ever. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!"
A few hours before his death he had his mother
and brothers and sisters called around his bed, when
in a most solemn and affecting manner he addressed
himself in turn to each, and took leave of them. To
his mother he offered his thanks for her tender love,
and expressed his desire that she might see Christ
formed in the hearts of all her children, and meet
them all with joy at the day of judgment. Then he
took his brothers and sisters in order, and offered an
appropriate petition for each. He then said, "Oh,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

263

that none of us may be found among the unconverted
in the day of judgment! Oh, that we may all appear
with our honoured father and dear mother, before
Christ with joy. Oh, that we may hve to God here,
and Uve with God hereafter. And now, my dear
mother, brothers, and sisters, farewell!" His last
words were, " thy work is done — I have fought a
good fight," &c. " Come Lord Jesus, come quickly."
After which he immediately expired.

No man, in our country, has left behind him a
higher character for eminent piety, than the Rev.
Edward Payson. His views and exercises, when
near death, will answer well to be placed by the side
of those of Mr. John Janeway.

When this faithful pastor found that his end was
approaching he felt a strong desire to address some
advice to his flock, he therefore had it announced
from the pulpit, that he would be pleased to see as
many of them as could make it convenient to come to
his house, and appointed them a time. To them, when
assembled, he spake nearly as follows: "It has often
been remarked that people who have gone to the
other world cannot come back to tell us what they
have seen; but I am so near the eternal world, that I
can see almost as clearly, as if I were there; and I
see enough to satisfy myself, at least, of the truth of
the doctrines which I have preached. I do not know
that I should feel at all surer had I been there. It is
always interesting to see others in a situation in which
we know we must shortly be placed ourselves; and
we all kuow that we must die. And to see a poor crea-
ture, when, after an alternation of hopes and fears, he
finds that his disease is mortal, and death comes to
tear him away from every thing he loves, and crowds
him to the very verge of the precipice of destruction,
and then thrusts him down headlong. Tiiere he is
cast into an unknown world; no friend, no Saviour
to receive him. 0 how different is this, from the
state of a man who is prepared to die! He is not
obliged to be crowded along, but the other world

264

THOUGHTS ON

comes like a great magnet to draw him away from
this; and he knows that he is going to enjoy — and
not only knows but begins to taste it — ^perfect happi-
ness, for ever, for ever, and ever. And now God is
in this room. I see Him! and 0, how unspeakably
lovely and glorious does he appear! worthy of ten
thousand hearts, if we had so many. He is here, and
hears me pleading with the creatures that he has
made, whom he preserves and loads with blessings,
to love him. And how terrible does it appear to me
to sin against this God — to set up our wills in
opposition to his. It makes my blood run cold to
think how miserable I should now be without reli-
gion. To lie here and see myself tottering on the
verge of destruction. 0, I should be distracted. And
when I see my fellow creatures in this situation, I
am in an agony for them, that they may escape the
danger before it be too late. Suppose we should
hear the sound of some one pleading earnestly with
another, and we should inquire, what is that man
pleading for so earnestly? 0, he is only pleading
with a fellow creature, to love his God, his Saviour,
his Preserver, his Benefactor. He is only pleading
with him, not to throw away his immortal soul; not
to pull down everlasting wretchedness on his own
head. He is only persuading him to avoid eternal
misery and accept eternal happiness. ' Is it possible,'
we should exclaim, ' that any persuasion can be neces-
sary for this?' And yet it is necessary. 0, my friends!
do, do love this glorious Being. Do seek for the salva-
tion of your immortal souls. Hear the voice of your
dying minister, while he entreats you to care for your
souls."

On another occasion, he said, " I find satisfaction in
looking at nothing that I have done. I have not
fought, but Christ has fought for me. I have not
run, but Christ has carried me. I have not worked,
but Christ has wrought in me. Christ has done all."
The perfections of God were to him a well-spring of
joy, and the promises were breasts of consolation,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

265

whence his soul drew aliment and comfort. "0,"
exclaimed he, "the loving kindness of God. His
loving kindness! This afternoon, while I was medi-
tating, the Lord seemed to pass by and proclaim him-
self, ' The Lord God, merciful and gracious.' ' 0
how gracious!' Try to conceive of that — ' his loving
kindness,'' as if it were not enough to say kindness,
hut loving kindness! What must be the loving
kindness of the Lord who is himself infinite in love?
It seemed, as if Christ had said to me, ' You have often
wandered, and been impatient of the way, by which
I have led you; but what do you think of it now?'
And I was cut to the heart, when I looked back and
saw the goodness by which I had been guided, that
I could ever for a moment, distrust his love?"

To a minister who called upon him, he said, " That
the point in which he believed ministers failed most,
and in which he had certainly failed most, was in
doing duty professionally, and not from the heart."
He said also, " I have never valued as I ought the
doctrines which I have preached. The system is
great and glorious, and is worthy of our utmost efforts
to promote it. The interests depending will justify
us in our strongest measures. In every respect we
may embark our all upon it; it will sustain us." — " I
was never fit to say a word to a sinner, except when
I had a broken heart myself; when I was subdued
and melted into penitence, and felt just as if I had
received pardon to my own soul; and when my
heart was full of tenderness and pity." He seemed to
be greatly affected with a view of the grace of God,
in saving lost men; and especially, that it should be
bestowed on one so ill-deserving as himself. "0
how sovereign ! 0 how sovereign ! Grace is the only
thing that can make us like God, I might be dragged
through heaven, earth, and hell, and I should still be
the same sinful, polluted wretch, unless God himself
should renew and cleanse me."

In conversation with his eldest daughter, being
asked whether self-examination was not a very diffi-

266 THOUGHTS ON

cult duty for young Christians, "Yes," he replied,
"and for old ones, too; because it is displeasing to the
pride of the heart, because wandering thoughts are
then most apt to intrude, and because of thedeceitful-
ness of the heart. When a Christian first looks into
his heart, he sees nothing but confusion — a heap of
sins, and very little good, mixed up together; and he
knows not how to separate them, or how to begin
self-examination. But let him persevere in his ef-
forts, and order will arise out of confusion." She
mentioned to him a passage in the life of Alleine,
which led him to say, " We never confess any faults
that we really think disgraceful. We complain of
our hardness of heart, stupidity, &c., but we never
confess envy, covetousness, and revenge, or anything
that we suppose will lower us in the opinion of
others; and this proves that we do not feel ashamed
of coldness and stupidity. In short, when young
Christians make confessions, unless there is an ob-
vious call for it, it commonly proceeds from one of
the following motives: either they wish to be thought
very humble, and to possess great knowledge of their
own hearts; or they think it is a fault which the other
has perceived, and they are willing to have the credit
of having discovered, and striven against it; or they
confess some fault from which they are remarkably
free, in order to elicit a compliment."

His soUcitude for the welfare of his people was so
great, that though he had given them one solemn ad-
dress, he was not contented with that, but sent for
particular classes of them. On one day, he had the
young men of the congregation assembled around
him, when he delivered to them a peculiarly solemn,
tender, and appropriate exhortation. He also sent
an affectionate valedictory address to the association
of ministers with whom he had been connected. The
substance of it was, " A hearty assurance of the ar-
dent love with which he remembered them even in
death — an exhortation to love one another with a
pure heart fervently — to love their work— to be

KELICI0U3 EXPERIENCE. 267

diligent in it — to expect success, and to bear up un-
der discouragements — to be faithful unto death, and
to look for their reward in Heaven."

While speaking of the rapturous views which he
had of Heaven, he was asked if it did not appear iike
the clear light of vision, rather than that of faith. He
said, " I don't know — it is too much for the poor eyes
of my soul to bear — they are almost blinded with the
excessive brightness. All I want is, to be a mirror,
to reflect some of those rays to those around me." —
" My soul, instead of growing weaker and more lan-
guishing, as my body does, seems to be endued with
an angel's energies, and to be ready to break from
the body, and join those around the throne." When
asked, whether it was now incredible to him, that the
martyrs should rejoice in the l^ames and on the rack,
" No," said he, " I can easily believe it. I have suf-
fered twenty times as much as I could in being burnt
at the stake, while my joy in God so abounded, as to
render my sufferings not only tolerable, but welcome.
The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to
be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in
us." At another time, he said, " God is now literally
my all in all. While He is present with me, no event
can in the least diminish my happiness; and were the
whole world at my feet, trying to minister to my
comfort, they could not add one drop to the cup."
" It seems as if the promise to wipe away all tears, is
already accomplished, as it relates to tears of sorrow.
I have no tears to shed now but tears of love, and
joy, and thankfulness." Shortly before his decease
he was heard to break forth in a soliloquy, of which
the following is a specimen: — "What an assemblage
of motives to holiness, does the gospel present? I
am a Christian; what then? I am a redeemed sinner
— a pardoned rebel — all through grace, and by the
most wonderful means which infinite wisdom could
devise. I am a Christian; what then? Why I am a
temple of God, and surely I ought to be pure and
holy. I am a Christian; what then? Why I am a
child of God, and ought to be filled with filial love

268 THOtrGHTS ON

and reverence, joy, and gratitude. I am a Christian;
what then? Why I am a disciple of Christ, and must
imitate him who was meek and lowly of heart, and
pleased not himself I am a Christian. — Why I am
an heir of Heaven, and hastening on to the abodes of
the blessed." " It seems as if my soul had found a
pair of new wings, and was eager to try them, that in
her fluttering she wonld rend the fine knit-work of
the body to pieces." He had the choir to come in and
sing for him, and chose the hymn, " JRise my soul,"
&c. Soon after which he expired, October 21, 1827.
The Rev. Dr. Samuel Finley, who had been for
some time President of New Jersey College, upon
being informed by his physicians that his disease was
incurable, expressed his entire resignation, and ex-
claimed, " welcome, Lord Jesus." On the Sabbath
preceding his death. Dr. Clarkson, one of his physi-
cians, told him that he observed a manifest alteration,
and that he could not live many days; he said, " may
the Lord bring me near himself! I have been waiting
with a Canaan hunger for the promised land. I have
often wondered that God suff'ered me to live. I have
more wondered that he ever called me to be a minister
of his word. He has often afforded me much strength
which I have abused. He has returned in mercy.
Oh, how faithful are the promises of God! 0 that I
could see him as I have seen him before, in his sanc-
tuary. Although I have as earnestly desired death,
as the hireling pants for the evening shade, yet will I
wait all the days of my appointed time. I have often
struggled with principalities and powers, and have
been brought to the borders of despair. Lord, let it
suffice." He then closed his eyes and sat up and
prayed fervently that God would show him his glory,
before he departed hence; that he would enable him
to endure patiently to the end — and, particularly,
that he might be kept from dishonouring the minis-
try. He then resumed his discourse, and said, "I
can truly say that I have loved the service of God. I
know not in what language to speak of my own un-
worthiness — I have been undutiful — 1 have honestly

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 269

endeavoured to act for God, but with much weakness
and corruption." Then lying down again, he said,
"a Christian's death is the best part of liis experience.
The Lord has made provision for the whole way; pro-
vision for the soul, and provision for the body. The
Lord has given me many souls, as the crowns of my
rejoicing. Blessed be God — eternal rest is at hand.
Eternity is but long enough to enjoy my God. This,
this has animated me in my severest studies. I was
ashamed to take rest here. Oh, that I could be filled
with the fulness of God! that fulness which fills hea-
ven." Being asked whether he would choose to live
or die, he said, 'Mo die, though I cannot but feel the
same strait that Paul did when he knew not which to
choose. ^ For me to live, is Christ — but to die, is
gairi.^ But should God, by a miracle, prolong my
life, I would still continue to serve him. His service
has been sweet to me. I have loved it much. I
have tried my Master's yoke, and will never shrink
my neck from it. His yoke is easy, and his burden
is light!" One said to him, "■ you are more cheerful
and vigorous, sir." " Yes, I rise or fall, as eternal
life seems nearer or further off." It being remarked
that he always used the appellation, "dear Lord," in
his prayers, he answered, " 0, He is very dear! very
precious, indeed. How pretty is it for a minister to
die on the Sabbath! I expect to spend the remainder
of this Sabbath in heaven." One said, " you will
soon join the blessed society of heaven — you will for
ever hold converse with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,
and with the spirits of the just made perfect — with
old friends, and many old fashioned people." " Yes
sir," he replied, with a smile, " but they are a most
polite people now." He expressed great gratitude
to his friends around him, and said, " may the Lord
repay you for your tenderness to me! may he bless
you abundantly, not only with temporal, but with
spiritual blessings." Turning to his wife, he said,
" my dear, I expect to see you shortly in glory."
Seeing a member of the second Presbyterian Church
present, he said, " I have often preached and prayed

270 THOUGHTS ON

among you, my dear sir, and the doctrines I preached
are now my support, and, blessed be God, they are
without a flaw. May the Lord bless and preserve
your church! He designs good for it yet, I trust."
To a person from Princeton he said, "give my love
to the people of Princeton, and tell them that lam
going to die, and that I am not afraid to die."

He would sometimes cry out, " the Lord Jesus will
take care of his cause in the world." Upon waking,
next morning, he exclaimed, "0, what a disappoint-
ment I have met with — 1 expected this morning to
have been in heaven." On account of his extreme
weakness, he was unable to speak much during the
day, but all that he said was in the language of
triumph. Next morning, with a pleasing smile on
his countenance, he cried out, "0 1 shall triumph
over every foe — the Lord hath given me the victory.
Now I know that it is impossible that faith should
not triumph over earth and hell — I exult — I triumph.
0, that I could see untainted purity! I think I have
nothing to do but die — yet, perhaps, I have — Lord
show me my task." He then said, " Lord Jesus, into
thy hands I commit my spirit — I do it with confidence
— I do it with full assurance. I know that thou wilt
keep that which T have committed to thee. I have
been dreaming too fast of the time of my departure,
for I find it does not yet come — but the Lord is faith-
ful, and will not tarry beyond the appointed time."

In the afternoon, the Rev. Mr. Spencer came to
see him, and said, " I have come, dear sir, to see you
confirm by facts, the gospel you have been preach-
ing. Pray sir, how do you feel?" To which he re-
plied, " Full of triumph — I triumph through Christ.
Nothing clips my wings but the thoughts of my dis-
solution being prolonged — 0 that it were to night!
My very soul thirsts for eternal rest." Mr. Spencer
asked him what he saw in eternity to excite such
vehement desires in iiis soul. He said, " I see the
eternal love and goodness of God. I see the fulness
of the Mediator. I see the love of Jesus. 0 to be
dissolved and to be with him! I long to be clothed

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 271

with the complete righteousness of Christ." He
then requested Mr. Spencer to pray with him before
they parted, and said, "I have gained the victory
over the devil; pray to God to preserve me from evil,
to keep me from evil in this critical hour; and to sup-
port me with his presence through the valley of the
shadow of death."

He spent the remainder of the day, in taking an
affectionate and solemn leave of his friends, and ex-
horting such of his children as were with him.

On the next day, July 16, the conflict was termi-
nated. He was no longer able to speak, but a friend
having desired him to give a token by which his
friends might know, whether he still continued to
triumph, he lifted up his hand, and uttered the word
"yes." About nine o'clock, he fell into a sound
sleep, and appeared much more free from pain than
he had been for many days before. He continued to
sleep, without changing his position, till about one
o'clock, when he expired, without a groan or a sigh.
During his whole sickness he was never heard to
utter a repining word; and in taking leave of his
dearest friends, he was never seen to shed a tear, or
exhibit any sign of sorrow.

His remains were interred in the Second Presby-
terian Church, on the corner of Mulberry or Arch
and Third streets; by the side of his dear friend the
Rev. Gilbert Tennent. From this resting place, their
dust and bones were removed to the burying ground
on Arch street, when the church was removed.
Mrs. Finley survived her husband many years, the
latter part of which time she was entirely blind; but
bore the affliction with meek and cheerful submission.

CHAPTER XX.

Remarks on Death-bed Exercises, with several illustrative examples.

The cases of religious experience, at the close of life,
which have been presented to the reader, furnish

272

THOUGHTS ON

much reason for encouragement and hope to the real
Christian. We learn from them, that death, however
terrible to nature, may be completely divested of its
terrors; that the Christian religion when it has been
cordially embraced, has power to sustain the soul in
the last conflict; that the supplies of grace may be so
rich and abundant, that the bed of death may be the
happiest situation which the child of God ever occu-
pied, and his last hours the most comfortable of his
whole life; that it is possible for such a flood of divine
consolation to be poured into the soul, that the pains
of the body are scarcely felt; by which we may un-
derstand how it was that the martyrs could rejoice in
the midst of flames, and on the rack. We learn, also,
that these blessed communications of the joy of the
Holy Ghost, are derived to the soul, through the
promises of God; and that all that is necessary to fill
it with these divine consolations, is a firm and lively
faith. There is, in all these extatic and triumphant
feelings, nothing miraculous; nothing different from
the common mode of God's dealing with his people,
except in the degree. The things of eternity are
more clearly apprehended; confidence in the pro-
mises is more unshaken; submission to the will of
God is more unreserved, and gratitude for iiis good-
ness more fervent. Another thing suggested by such
happy death-bed exercises, is, that the dying saint
never entertained a more humble sense of his own
unworthiness, than during this season of the anticipa-
tion of the joys of heaven. These experiences, there-
fore, furnish strong evidence of the truth of the doc-
trines of grace; indeed, free grace is the predominant
theme in the minds of these highly favoured servants
of God. It is also highly worthy of our marked at-
tention, that the Lord Jesus Christ is precious to
the dying believer, in proportion as his consolations
abound. He attributes all that he enjoys, or hopes
for, to this blessed Redeemer. And He who loved
him, and died for him, is most faithful to his gracious
promises, at this trying moment. Now, when heart
and flesh fail, He will be the strength of their hearts.

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 273

Now, he enables them to say, with confidence,
"Though I walk through the valley and shadow of
death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy
rod and staff comfort me." Death is, indeed, a for-
midable enemy when armed with his envenomed
sting; but when this sting is extracted, death is harm-
less; death comes as a friend to release us from a
body of sin and misery; "The sting of death is sin,
and the strength of sin is the law," but when the law
has received a full satisfaction, and all sin is pardoned
through the blood of Christ, the sting exists no longer.
There is no condemnation to them who are in Christ
Jesus. It is God that justifieth, who is he that con-
demneth? It is Christ that died; yea, rather who is
risen again. " Precious in the sight of God is the
death of his saints." The meek shall sing even on
a dying bed. Here, often, the timid grow bold; the
feeble, strong. Here doubts and fears which ha-
rassed the weary pilgrim, all tlie journej'' through,
are dismissed for ever; and that joyful assurance is
realized, which had long been ardently desired and
hoped for. Where else, but among real Christians, do
we witness such happy scenes, at the near approach
of death? Can the infidel point to any of his associ-
ates, who could thus exult in the prospect of death?
Can the man of the world exhibit any thing like this?
Alas! they are driven away from all they love: they
may die stupidly; they may be under an awful, blind-
ing delusion; but the positive joys of the believer,
they cannot experience. Now, as we must all die,
and that soon, ought we not to take all pains, and
use all possible diligence, to be ready to die the death
of the righteous? When that awful hour shall arrive,
worldly honours, and worldly possessions, will be
nothing to lis. Royal sceptres and crowns, and
treasures, will be utterly unavailing; but the humble
believer, however racked with pain of body, is safe
in the hands of a kind Redeemer, who having him-
self experienced the pangs of death, knows how to
sympathize with and succour his beloved disciples,
when they are called to this last trial. He will not

274 THOUGHTS ON

then forsake those whom he has supported through
their whole pilgrimage. His everlasting arms of love
and faithfulness will be placed underneath them, and
he will bear them as on eagles' wings. Truly then,
for them to die, is gain ! They rest from their labours,
exchange darkness, sin, and sorrow, for perfect light,
perfect purity, and perfect felicity. Lift up your
heads, then, ye servants of God, for the day of your re-
demption draweth nigh. The night is far spent, the
day is at hand. With some of us, it must be near
the dawn. The darkness will soon be past for ever.
Let us then rejoice in the hope of the glory of God,
and wait till our salvation cometh. Now is our sal-
vation nearer than when we believed.

But, it may be asked, do all real Christians die in
such joy and triumph, as those whose experience has
been related? No; this is not pretended. Some, no
doubt, die under a cloud, and go out of the world in
distressing doubt respecting their eternal destiny. It
is to guard against such an event, that we would ex-
hort all professors of religion, and include ourselves
in the number, to begin in time to make preparation
for death. Dear brethren, let us look well to the
foundation of our hope; we cannot bestow too much
pains and diligence in making our calling and elec-
tion sure. We shall never regret, on a death-bed,
that we were too much concerned to secure the sal-
vation of our souls; or, that we were too careful in
making preparation for another world. Let us re-
member that our time on earth is short, and that
whatever is done, must be done quickly. There will
be no opportunity of coming back to rectify what has
been done amiss, or to supply what is wanting.
" Now is the accepted time, now is the day of salva-
tion." Let us work while it is day, knowing that the
dark night cometh when no man can work. Let us
then awake to righteousness. Let us watch and be
sober. Let us put on the armour of light, and es-
pecially let us see to it, that we have on the wedding
garment; else we shall never find admittance to the
marriage-supper of the Lamb. The only robe which

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 275

can bear the scrutinizing inspection of the King, is
the perfect and spotless robe of Christ's imputed
righteousness. This will render us acceptable in the
Beloved. With this, we must put on the robe of in-
herent righteousness; for " without holiness, no man
shall see the Lord;" and these two, though distinct,
are never separated. Only, the latter is never per-
fect until we come to the end of our course; and
this single consideration should reconcile us to the
thoughts of death; that then we shall be freed from
all sin. 0 how blessed is that state, where we shall
see no more darkly through a glass, but face to face;
where we shall know no more in part, but as we are
known. 0 bright and delightful vision of the glory
of God in the face of Jesus Christ! Surely this is
worth dying for.

But it may be asked, is there not evidence of too
much excitement, in the experiences which have been
narrated ? May not a part at least of the elevated and
exhilarated feelings be the effect of an accelerated cir-
culation ? People who die of pulmonary consumption
are apt to be sanguine, and to indulge buoyant hopes
even in regard to recovery. In answer, I would say,
that this may be admitted to have some effect in in-
creasing the degree of excitement; but it never can
account for the bright views and unspeakable joys
which some experience. And the truth is, we are
poor judges of the degree of elevated excitement,
which the sense of God's love will produce.

It must be confessed, that while we may admire
and breathe after such an elevated and triumphant
state of mind, as was experienced by those of whom
some account has been given; yet we cannot so read-
ily sympathize with such high emotions, as with a
more calm and deliberate frame of spirit. Indeed, it
is here as in health, when we see persons much ex-
cited in regard to religion, or any thing else, we do
not place such entire confidence in what they utter,
as when the same persons calmly and soberly express
their sentiments. The reason is, that in all great ex-
citements the imagination and feelings predominate

276 THOUGHTS ON

over the judgment; and experience teaches that in
all such cases there is a tendency to exaggeration,
and to the use of strong expressions; and it cannot
be doubted that, in some cases, the religious exulta-
tion experienced is somewhat delirious. The ner-
vous system loses its tone, and although its agitations
are violent, they are somewhat irregular and exces-
sive, so as to produce an irrepressible thrilling through
the soul. It is not wonderful, that while the myste-
rious connexion between soul and body is coming to
an end, there should be something in the emotions
new, and in the looks, tones, and gestures, out of the
common way. This does not alter or vitiate the
nature of the pious exercises of the soul, though it
may modify them, and give them a peculiar aspect
and expression. If any person chooses to suppose,
that in some of the cases specified, while faith was
triumphant, and hope full of assurance, that there
might be superadded an exhilaration arising out of
the peculiar state of the body, he will not have me
objecting. The last exercises of that useful and de-
voted man, Jeremiah Evarts, were very remarkable
for the degree of powerful excitement manifested;
and the more remarkable, because his mind was
highly intellectual, and very little subject to excite-
ment, in common. Still it was well known to those
intimate with him, that when he was aroused, his
feelings were very strong.

Often, officious friends and physicians are ex-
tremely averse to have any thing said to their friends,
on the subject of religion, when they are sick, lest it
should disturb their minds, and so increase the vio-
lence of the disease. I would not, it is true, admit
every loquacious old man or woman, into the chamber
of a friend dangerously ill, but a discreet and pious
counsellor is of great value at such a time. If the
patient is hopefully pious, none can doubt the propri-
ety and comfort of aiding such by holding forth to
their views the rich promises of a faithful God. But
even when the character of the sick is different, it
often gives relief to have an opportunity of conversa-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 277

tion with a pious friend or minister. Anxious feel-
ings, pent up in the soul and finding no vent, are far
more injurious than a free expression of them; and if
the person is in danger of death, will you, can you, be
guilty of the cruelty of debarring them from the only
opportunity of salvation, which they may ever have?
If you do, their blood will be found in your skirts.
To show how erroneous the opinion is, that religious
conversation tends to injure the sick by increasing his
disease, I will relate a fact which fell under my own
observation.

A young gentleman of fortune and liberal educa-
tion, had been for some months thinking seriously
about his soul's salvation; but the work had not
come to any maturity, when by making too great an
exertion of his bodily strength, he ruptured a large
blood vessel in the lungs, and was brought to death's
door; not being able to speak above a low whisper.
Having been a pupil of mine, I was permitted to see
him, and upon asking the state of his mind, he whis-
pered in my ear, that he was overwhelmed with the
most awful darkness and terror — not one ray of light
dawned upon his miserable soul. I prayed with him
and presented to him a few gospel invitations and
promises, and left him, never expecting to see him
alive. Next day I called, the physician coming out
of his room, informed me, that while they were wait-
ing for his last breath, a favourable change seemed
unexpectedly to have taken place, and that he had
revived a little. When I approached his bed, he
looked joyfully in my face, pressed my hand, and said,
"AH is well — I have found peace — this morning,
about the dawn, I had the most delightful view of
Christ, and of his ability and willingness to save me."
And upon inquiry, I found, that that was the moment
when the favourable change took place in his sym.p-
toms. Faith and joy accomplished what no medi-
cine could, and acted as a reviving cordial to liis dying
body. He so far recovered as to live a number of
years afterwards; though his lungs were never sound;
and his consistent walk and conversation attested the

278

THOUGHTS ON

reality of his change. He soon joined himself to the
communion of the church, and died in her communion.

While spending a summer in Germantown, near
Philadelphia, I was sent for to visit a young man,
whom I had often seen. He did not helong to my
charge, but two pious ladies who did, were his friends,
and had come out of the city to nurse him. He had
a hemorrhage of the lungs, which left little room to
hope for recovery. As he was a mild and moral
man, I did not know, but that he might be a professor
of religion; but upon asking him a question respecting
his hope, he frankly told me that he had been skepti-
cal for many years, and had no belief that the gospel
was divine. I never felt more at a loss. The man
was too weak to attend to argument, and if I could
by reasoning convince him of his error, it would not
be a saving faith, and he must die before this process
could be gone through. I found that his infidelity
afforded him no comfort in a dying hour, and that he
wished he could believe in Christ. It occurred to me
that the word of God contained light and energy in
itself, and that if he could not attend to the external
evidences, the beams of truth might shine in upon his
soul, and thus generate a saving faith by the efficient
aid of the Spirit. After pointing out the probable
sources of his skepticism, I requested the ladies who
were attending on him, to read certain portions of the
gospel to him, as he could bear it — for he was very
low. This was done; and next day, when I came
to see him, he declared that his doubts were all scat-
tered, and that he had hope in Christ. Afterwards,
he was never able to converse ; but as far as is known
died in hope.

I never saw any one approach death so deliber-
ately and composedly, as the late Rev. Robert Ray,
pastor of the church of Freehold, in New Jersey. He
had spent a winter at St. Augustine, with the hope of
restoring his health, but came home more diseased
than before he went. His lungs were deeply affected,
and he foresaw that his end was approaching. But
as long as he was able to speak, he caused himself to

KELIGIOUS EXPERIEXCE. 279

be carried to the chnrcli and to be assisted into the pul-
pit, where he would preach and exhort until his breath
failed, when he would pant as if about to die, and
then be conveyed home as he came. This was done
not once or twice, but for many weeks; for he said, as
he must die, he might as well die preaching; and he
felt a strong desire to be the means of saving the peo-
ple committed to his charge; and he hoped that a
voice of affectionate warning from the grave might
have tiie effect of awakening some of them. As he
suffered but little acute pain, he appeared until his
dying day, as calm and cheerful, as a man long absent
from home, would when the time came to return to
his friends. He conversed as familiarly and com-
posedly about his approaching change, as if there was
nothing formidable in it. Indeed, it had no terrors
for him. Even when death was upon him, having
observed some of his neighbours coming in, he said,
" Well, you have come to see your pastor die." He
then remarked, that his feelings were very peculiar,
such as he never experienced before; and without
any perturbation of mind or bodily agony, he gently
fell asleep.

Wishing, in these experiences of dying saints to
give as great a variety as is compatible with my
limits, I will now extract an account of the last illness
of Mrs. Susan Huntington, of Boston, taken down by
her pastor, the Rev. Dr. Wisner, after his visits to her
sick room.

Tuesday, October 28, 1823. Called on Mrs. Hunt-
ington about half past nine in the morning. Found
that she had failed considerably since my last visit.
To an inquiry respecting the state of her mind, she
said, " I think I have felt more of the presence of
Christ, than when I saw you last. I have not had
those strong views and joyful feelings, with which I
have sometimes been favoured. My mind is weak;
I caimot direct and fix my thoughts as I once could.
But I think I have fled for refuge to lay hold on the
hope set before me in the precious gospel; and He
who is the foundation of that hope will never forsake

280

THOUGHTS ON

me." Then, with a most interesting expression of
countenance, she said, "I trust we shall meet in
Heaven, and spend an eternity in praising our dear
Redeemer." "I feel," said she, " that I have been
very, very unfaithful; but He is merciful — his blood
cleanseth from all sin: and I trust he has blotted out
my sins from the book of his remembrance. 0 what
should we do without Christ?" "As much debtors
to free grace at the end of our course as at the be-
ginning," observed her pastor. " More, far more,"
she replied, " for we sin against greater light and
love, after we are born again. Yes, it is all free
grace — if it were not, what would become of me?"
It was answered, " You would have perished — justly
perished." " Yes," she replied, " what a glorious
plan, what a precious Saviour! 0 that I could love
him more! Pray that I may love and glorify him
for ever!"

On Friday, October 31, found her more comforta-
ble. She said, " My mind has generally been in a
peaceful frame since I saw you; but I want to real-
ize the presence and preciousness of Christ, more dis-
tinctly and constantly than my great weakness per-
mits me to do." In answer to some remarks on the
covenant of grace, she said, " Glorious covenant! pre-
cious promises ! I have given myself and body to
Him, in whom they are yea and amen, and I do not
fear; I desire him to do with me as it shall please
him."

Tuesday, November 3. To the usual inquiry, she
replied, "Mrs. Graham accurately describes my feel-
ings, when she says, ' Thus far the Lord hath brought
me through the wilderness, bearing, chastising, for-
giving, restoring. I am near to Jordan's flood. May
my blessed High Priest and ark of the covenant, lead
on my staggering steps, the little further I have to
go.'" And on December 4, she breathed her last, in
the faith and hope of the gospel.

As in the preceding account of Mrs. Huntington,
mention is made of Mrs. Graham, of New York, it
may be in place to give a few particulars of this wise

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 281

woman, as she may properly be called, during her
last illness. Foreseeing that her end was near, she
sent for Mrs. Clirystie, a dear friend, between whom
and herself an agreement had been made, that which-
ever was first sunmioned away, should be attended,
in her last moments, by the other. To her son-in-
law, Mr. Bethune, whom she saw standing by, she
said, " My dear, dear son, I am going to leave you;
I am going to my Saviour." He answered, " I know
that when you do go from us, it will be to the Saviour;
but, my dear mother, it may not be the Lord's time
now to call you to himself." " Yes," said she, "now
is the time; and Oh! I could weep for sin." Her
words were accompanied with her tears. "Have you
any doubts, then, my dear friend," asked Mrs. Chrys-
tie. " 0 no," replied she, " I have no more doubt
of going to my Saviour, than if I were already in
his arms. My guilt is all transferred. He has can-
celled all my debt; yet I could weep for sins against
so good a God. It seems to me there must be weep-
ing even in Heaven." When her dear friend and
pastor. Dr. Mason, came to see her, they had a very
interesting interview — at the close of which, he in-
quired if there was any thing, in particular, for which
he should pray. She said, " The Lord will direct,"
and immediately offered up this short prayer: " Lord,
direct thy servant in prayer." During her sickness,
she was for much of the time lethargic, and it was
often difficult to arouse her. But when at any time
waked up for a moment, she would utter some sweet
word — such as " peace," indicating the happy state
of her mind. Dr. Mason, in his funeral sermon,
said, "This may truly be called falling asleep in
Jesus." All terror seemed to be removed, and her
countenance was placid, and looked younger than be-
fore her illness. At a quarter past 12 o'clock, on the
27th of July, 1814, without a struggle or a groan, her
spirit winged its flight from a mansion of clay to the
realms of glory.

282

THOUGHTS ON

CHAPTER XXI.

Death-bed exercises of Mr. Baxter, and the Rev. Thomas Scott, D. D.

Dr. Bates, in his funeral sermon, occasioned by the
death of Mr. Baxter, has given us an interesting ac-
count of his last days, some part of which I will
extract, as furnishing an example, not of a highly
excited state of feeling, but of a truly pious, calm,
submissive frame of mind. Few persons, who ever
lived, have given more convincing evidence of fervent
piety, throughout a long life, than this devoted servant
of God. His end corresponded with the tenor of his
life, and with the religion which he inculcated in his
sermons.

"He continued," says Dr. Bates, "to preach so
long, notwithstanding his wasted and languishing
body, that the last time, he almost died in the pulpit.
It would doubtless have been his joy to be trans-
figured in the mount. Not long after he felt the
approaches of death, and was confined to his sick
bed. Death reveals the secrets of the heart: then
words are spoken with most feeling and least aifec-
tation. This excellent saint was the same in his life
and his death: his last hours were spent in preparing
others and himself to appear before God. He said to
his friends, who came to see him, ' Ye come hither to
learn to die, I am not the only person that must go
this way. I can assure you, that your whole life, be
it ever so long, is little enough to prepare for death.
Have a care of this vain, deceitful world, and the
lusts of the flesh. Be sure you choose God for your
portion, heaven for your home, God's glory for your
end, and his word for your rule, and then you need
never fear, but we shall meet in comfort.' Never
was penitent sinner more humble, never was a sin-
cere believer more calm and comfortable. He ac-
knowledged himself to be the vilest dunghill worm

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 283

(it was his usual expression) that ever went to hea-
ven. He admired the divine condescension to us,
often saying, 'Lord, what is man! what am I a
vile worm, to the great God.' Many times he prayed
' God be merciful to me a sinner,' and thanked God
that this was left on record, in the gospel, as an effec-
tual prayer. He said, ' God may justly condemn me
for the best duty I ever performed. All my hopes
are from the free mercy of God in Christ.' After a
slumber, he awaked, and said, ' I shall rest from my
labour.' A minister present said, 'And your works
shall follow you.' To whom he replied, 'no works —
I will leave out works, if God will grant me the other,'
When a friend was comforting him with the good
many had received by his preaching and writing, he
said, ' I was but a pen in God's hand, and what praise
is due to a pen?'

" His resigned submission to the will of God, in his
sharp sickness, was eminent. When extremity con-
strained him earnestly to pray to God for his release,
by death, he would check himself, ' It is not fit for
me to prescribe — when thou wilt, what thou wilt,
and how thou wilt,' Being in great anguish, he said,
'0 how unsearchable are his judgments, and his
ways past finding out — the reaches of his providence
we cannot fathom.' And to his friends, ' Do not think
the worse of religion for what you see me suffer.'
Being often asked, how it was with the inner man,
he replied, 'I have a well-grounded assurance of my
eternal happiness, and great peace and comfort with-
in.' He said, 'flesh must perish, and we must feel
the perishing of it, and that though his judgment sub-
mitted, yet sense would still make him groan,' He
derived great comfort from that description in Heb.
xii. 22. That he was going to the innumerable com-
pany of angels, and to the general assembly and
church of the first born, whose names are written in
heaven; and to God the Judge of all, and to the
spirits of just men made perfect, and to Jesus the
Mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of
sprinkling, that speaketh better things than the blood

284

THOUGHTS ON

of Abel. ' That Scripture,' he said, ' deserved a thou-
sand and a thousand thoughts.'

" At another time, he said he derived great comfort
and sweetness, in repeating the Lord's prayer, and
was sorry some good people were prejudiced against
the use of it, for there were all necessary petitions for
the soul and body contained in it. He gave excellent
counsels to young ministers, that visited him, and
earnestly prayed to God to bless their labours, and
make them very successful in turning many souls to
Christ; expressed great joy in the hopes that God
would do a great deal of good by them, and that their
spirits might be moderate and peaceful. He often
prayed that God would be merciful to this miserable,
distracted world, and that he would preserve his
church and interest in it. He advised his friends to
beware of self-conceit, as a sin that was likely to ruin
the nation.

" I visited hiu), with a very worthy friend, Mr.
Mather, from New England, the day before he died.
I said to him, ' You are now approaching your long
desired home,' he answered, ' I believe, I believe.'
He expressed great willingness to die, and during his
sickness, when asked, ' how he did,' his reply was,
' almost well.' His joy was most remarkable, when,
in his own apprehension, death was nearest; and
his spiritual joy was at length consummated in
eternal joy. On the day of his death, a great trem-
bling and coldness extorted strong cries from him, for
pity and relief from heaven; which cries and agonies
continued for some time, till at length he ceased, and
lay in patient expectation of his change. The last
words he spoke to me, on being informed that I was
come to see him, were, ' Oh, I thank him, I thank
him,' and turning his eye to me said, ' The Lord
teach you how to die!' To the last I never could
perceive his peace and heavenly hopes assaulted or
disturbed. I have often heard him greatly lament
that he felt no greater liveliness in what appeared so
great and clear to him, and so much desired by him.
He told me he knew it should be well with him,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 285

when he was gone. He wondered to hear others
speak of their sensible and passionately strong desires
to die, and of their comforts of spirit, when sensible
of their approaching death; when, though bethought
he knew as much as they, and had as rational satis-
faction as they could have, that his soul was safe, he
never could feel their sensible consolations. I asked,
whether much of this was not to be resolved into
bodily constitution, he told me he thought it must be
so.

A wicked and groundless report was circulated,
that he was greatly troubled with skeptical thoughts
before he died. Mr. Sylvester, who was with him
during his whole sickness, declares there was not the
least foundation, whatever, for such a report. But
the devil seems to be greatly envious at the comforta-
ble death of God's people, and therefore his agents
are busy in circulating slanders against the saints, in
regard to this matter. So, although Calvin ended his
days in great tranquillity and in the full exercise of
faith and enjoyment of reason, his enemies circulated
the report, that he died in all the horrors of despair.
Thus also, when the Rev. Augustus Toplady was near
his end, it was circulated that he had renounced all
those doctrines of grace, for which he was so zeal-
ous in his life. Happily the report reached him be-
fore his decease, which gave him the opportunity of
contradicting it, and leaving his dying testimony in
favour of those doctrines. His dying experience was
of the most joyful and triumphant kind, and would
do to be classed with those of John Jane way, Ed-
ward Payson, and Dr. Samuel Finley, but we have
not room for it, and many others.

The two Henrys, father and son, so eminent for
their piety and usefulness, were carried off by sudden
and painful diseases, wliich afforded little opportunity
for much conversation. They experienced, however,
much of the divine aid and support. John Howe's
death was exactly in character with his life and wri-
tings.

It may be thought, that all the specimens of the ex-
19

286

THOUGHTS ON

perience of believers, during their last illness, have
been of the favourable kind; and far above what is
witnessed in the greater nuniber of Christians, on
their dying bed. It may be so. But I wish to remark,
that in all my life, I have known few persons, who
lived like Christians, when in health, who did not
in their approach to death, manifest as much hope
and fortitude, in that trying hour, as could reasonably
have been expected from the character of their piety.
In many cases, as I have before stated, the comfort
and assurance of some timid and desponding be-
lievers, has risen far above what any of their friends
dared to hope. In general the result of my observa-
tion is, that the pious find death less terrible on their
near approach to the event, than when it was viewed
at a distance. Some persons have naturally a much
greater dread of death than others, though their piety
may be more lively. Of this class was the late Dr.
Thomas Scott, the author of the Commentary on the
Bible. Few men of the last age, gave stronger evi-
dence of deep-rooted and constant attachment to the
Saviour, than this devoted man. In the service of
his Master, he was most laborious and faithful, and
it would be difficult to name any man whose evan-
gelical labours have been attended with happier re-
sults. He contributed much, in conjunction with
such men as Romaine, Newton, Cecil, and others, to
extend the influence of vital religion, far and wide,
through the established church of England ; and his
usefulness was not confined to his own country, or to
the period of his life; but, in these United States, I
know no writings which have been so extensively
circulated, and which have so powerful an effect in
correcting prevailing errors in religion, and promoting
sound, evangelical views of Scriptural truth. 1 have
selected the dying experience of this man, of un-
doubted and eminent piety, for the reason hinted at
in the beginning of this chapter; because his exer-
cises, though deeply serious, were not for the most
of the time, remarkably comfortable; and in no part
of his illness, did he express much elevated joy. I

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 287

think it right to view God's people in their various
states and frames, as they approach the end of their
pilgrimage. A pious clergyman remarked, in rela-
tion to the exercises of Dr. Scott, that men of pro-
found thought, and deep reflection, are not commonly
so joyful on a dying be as Christians of less under-
standing and less experience, and refers to Bunyan,
as of the same mind, who represents Christian,
his chief pilgrim, as almost overwhelmed with the
waters of Jordan, while the less experienced pilgrim,
Hopeful, goes over with little difficulty or danger. I
cannot say, that I can altogether concur in this re-
mark. It may often happen, that the unlettered
Christian has a livelier faith than the profoundly
learned theologian, and of course will be likely to
have a calmer, happier exit from the world. But
if men of talents and learning possess a vigorous,
evangelical faith, they are as likely to rejoice on a
dying bed as any others, as is evinced by the exam-
ples of Rivet, Baxter, Horace, &c. The difference
between the comforts of dying saints may be attribu-
ted, first to divine sovereignty, which distributes grace
and consolation as seemeth good unto him; secondly,
to bodily temperament; some persons being more
fearful than others, and more prone to suspect their
own sincerity; and thirdly, to the nature of the disease
by which the body is brought down to the grave. It
is the tendency of some diseases, while they do not
disturb the intellect, to exhilarate the spirits, and en-
liven the imagination; while a distressing depression
or perturbation is the effect of others, to say nothing
of the different degrees of pain experienced by different
persons. And we know that some diseases have
a deplorable stupifying efi'ect; and a fourth and fre-
quent cause of difference in the exercises of dying
persons is produced by the medicine which is admin-
istered. When physicians can do nothing to cure,
they think it right to lull their patients by opiates or
excite them by alcohol. I have, when sick, been more
afraid of nothing than these intoxicating and stupify-
ing, or even exhilarating drugs. 0 let no artificial

288 THOUGHTS ON

means be ever used with me, in that dread hour, to
interrupt sober and deliberate reflection !

But to return to Dr. Scott; his disease was a violent
fever, so that the range of his pulse was from 150 to
175 in a minute. Under such a disease it is not
wonderful that he was often restless and uncomforta-
ble in his feelings. The Rev. Daniel Wilson, (now
bishop of Calcutta) in his funeral sermon observes,
"That for several years preceding the event itself, his
bodily infirmities had been increasing. His strength
and natural spirits at times sensibly failed. His own
impression was, that his departure was approach-
ing, and he contemplated it with calmness and tran-
quillity." Mr. Wilson with great propriety remarks,
" Before I proceed to give some particulars of his
most instructive and affecting departure, I must ob-
serve, that I lay no stress on them as to the evidence
of his state before God. It is the tenor of the life,
not that of the few suffering and morbid scenes which
precede dissolution, that fixes the character. We are
not authorized from Scripture to place any depen-
dence on the last periods of sinking nature, through
which the Christian may be called to pass to his
eternal reward. But though no importance is to be
attached to these hours of fainting mortality, with
reference to the acceptance and final triumph of the
dying Christian, yet, where it pleases God to afford
one of his departing servants, as in the instance be-
fore us, such a measure of faith and self-possession,
as to close a holy and most consistent life, with a
testimony which sealed, amidst the pains of acute
disease, and in the most impressive manner, all his
doctrines and instructions, during forty-five preceding
years, we are called on, as I think, to record with
gratitude the divine benefit, and to use it with hu-
mility, for the confirmation of our own faith and joy."

His second son, writes from his bed-side, " His
gloom, of which I had heard a good deal, in an indis-
tinct manner, by no means relates to the prospects
which lie before him. He is perfectly calm and
cheerful in the view of dissolution, and seems disap-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 289

pointed at the symptoms of recovery. He thought
his trials were almost over; and said, that yesterday
morning he had hoped to end the sacred services of
the day in heaven. Indeed, his wish is, decidedly,
to depart, in the confidence that he shall he with
Christ, ivhich is far better. His dejection is mani-
festly nothing more than the feeling of a mind ex-
hausted by its own exertions. His feelings on Sunday
were very distressing both to himself and others, and
were clearly aggravated by a degree of delirium
arising from fever. Yesterday and to-day he has
been quite calm, and though too weak to speak much,
is evidently in a tranquil state. I brought my eldest
boy witli me, that he might once more see his grand-
father, and receive his last blessing. He spoke to
him this morning for a few minutes in a most atfect-
ing manner, and pronounced his blessing upon him,
in a way, which I trust, he will never forget. May
God grant that he may walk in the steps which are
leading his grandfather to glory!" In another letter,
a few days afterwards, he says, "Though I can say
nothing favourable respecting his health, for he ap-
pears approaching very near to his end, yet, thanks
be to God, the clouds which overspread his mind are
breaking away, and he talks with a placidity and cheer-
fulness greater than I have before seen, since I came."
"Just as we had assembled for family worship, he
sent to say, that he wished us to meet in his room,
and join in the Lord's supper, as a means of grace
through which he might receive that consolation that
he was seeking. The whole family — with one ex-
ception— was present, and an old parishioner. It is
impossible to describe the deeply interesting and af-
fecting scene. The fervour displayed by my dear
father, the poor emaciated form, the tears and sobs
of all present, were almost more than I could bear
with that degree of composure which was requisite
to enable me to read the service, so as to make him
hear, (Dr. S. had become very deaf) But it was a
delightful feeling, and has done more to cheer our
downcast hearts, than can well be conceived. It

290 THOUGHTS ON

was, moreover, a cordial to my father's spirits, who
adopted the words of the venerable Simeon, in the
prospect of dissolution; Noiv lettesi thou thy servant
depart in peace.''

The Rev. D. Wilson, in his funeral sermon, of
which a number of editions were published, makes
the following just remarks: — "The remarkable suf-
ferings of so eminent a saint, in his last sickness,
may, perhaps, at first perplex the mind of a young
Christian. But such a person should remember, that
the way to Heaven is ordinarily a way of tribulation,
and that the greatest honour God puts on his ser-
vants, is to call them to such circumstances of afilic-
tion as display and manifest his grace. What would
have crushed a weak and unstable penitent, with im-
mature knowledge of the promises of salvation, only
illustrated the faith of the venerable subject of this
discourse. God adapts the burden to the strength.
As to the darkness and anguish which at times rested
on his mind, they were clearly the combined effects
of disease and the temptations of the adversary. The
return of comfort as the fever remitted, made this quite
certain, and he was himself able, at times, to make
the distinction. But even in the midst of his afflictive
feelings, it is manifest to every real judge of such a
case, that a living and a strong faith was in vigorous
activity. For consolation is one thing, faith another.
This latter grace often lays hold of the promises made
in Christ with the firmest grasp, at the very time
when hope and comfort are interrupted by the mor-
bid state of the bodily and mental powers. Our
feelings and powers, thank God, are not the founda-
tion on which we build. Never, perhaps, was stronger
faith exhibited by our Saviour himself, than when he
uttered those piercing words, " My God, my God,
why hast thou forsaken me?''

His daughter, in giving an account of the condition
of her dying father, says, " In the time of his dark-
ness and gloom, he prayed without ceasing, and with
inexpressible fervour. He seemed unconscious of
any one being near him, and gave vent to the feel-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

291

ings of his mind without restraint. And, Oh! what
holy feelings were they! What spirituality; what
hatred of sin; what humility; what simple faith in
Christ; what zeal for God's glory; what submission!
Never could I hear him without heing reminded of
Him, who beins; in an agony, prayed the more ear-
nestly. ' I think nothing,' said he, ' of my bodily
pains— my soul is all. I trust all will end well, but it
is a dreadful conflict. I hope— I fear— I tremble— I
pray. Satan tries to be avenged of me in this awful
hour, for all that I have done against his kingdom
through life. He longs to pluck me out of Christ's
hand. Subdue the enemy, 0 Lord! Silence the ac-
cuser. Bruise Satan under my feet shortly. —

* Hide me, O my Saviour hide,

Till the storm of life is past.
Safe into the haven guide,

O receive my soul at last. —
Other refuge have I none.'

0, to enter eternity with one doubt on the mind— 0
eternity — eternity— eternity! 0 what a thing sin is!
Who knoioeth the power of his ivrath? If this be
the way to Heaven, what must be the way to hell?
If the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the
ungodly and sinner appear 7''^

He mentioned the wonderful way in which his
prayers for others had been answered, and seemed to
derive some comfort from it. He rejected every at-
tempt to comfort him by reminding him of the way in
which he had served and glorified God. " Christ is
all," he said, " He is my only hope." His wonder-
ful knowledge of Scripture was a source of great com-
fort; and the exactness with which he repeated pas-
sage after passage, was amazing. The manner in
which also he connected one with another, was ad-
mirable. His first clear consolation was after re-
ceiving the Lord's Supper, of which an account has
been given. He had previously observed, " An un-
due stress is, by some, laid on this ordinance, as ad-
ministered to the sick; and others, I think, are in

292 THOUGHTS OX

danger of undervaluing it. It is a means of grace;
and may prove God's instrument of conveying to me
the comfort I am seeking," After he had partaken
of this divine ordinance, he said to his son-in-law,
"It was beneficial to me; I received Christ and he re-
ceived me. I feel a composure which I did not ex-
pect last night. I have not a triumphant assurance,
but something which is more calm and satisfactory.
I bless God for it." And then repeated, in the most
emphatic manner, the 12th chapter of Isaiah, "O
Lord I will praise thee, though thou ivast angry with
7726," &c. 0 to realize the fulness of joy — 0 to liave
done with temptation ! " They shall hunger no more,
nor thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on
them nor any heat; for the Lamb which is in the
midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead
them unto living fountains of waters, and God shall
wipe away all tears from their eyes." — " They come
out of great tribulation, and have washed tlieir robes
and made them white in the blood of the Lamb;
therefore are they before the throne of God." — " We
know not what we shall be, but we know that when
He shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall
see him as he is." — " The righteous hath hope in his
death; not driven away — no, no, not driven away!"

" There is one feeling," said he, "which I cannot
have if I would. Those that oppose my doctrine
have slandered me sadly, but I cannot feel any resent-
7nent. I can only love and pity them, and pray for
their salvation. I never did feel any resentment
against them. I only regret that I did not more
ardently long and pray for the salvation of their
souls. I feel most earnest in prayer for the promo-
tion of Christ's kingdom all over the earth. There
are two causes in the world, the cause of God and of
the devil; the cause of our Lord Jesus Christ and of
the devil. The cause of God will prevail all over the
world, among all kindreds, and people, and tongues.
It shall fill the whole earth, ' Hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom, come.' "

Waking, after a short sleep, in great calmness, he

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

293

said, " This is heaven begun ; I have done with dark-
ness/or ever— for ever. Satan is vanquished. Noth-
ing now remains but salvation, with eternal glory —
ETERNAL GLORY." But the couflict Wds not yet over,
for another paroxysm came on with great violence;
his sufferings were extreme, and confusion and gloom
prevailed. He cried earnestly to God, and said, " All
my calm and comfort are gone; nothing remains of
them but a faint recollection. Well, after all, God is
greater than Satan. Is not Christ all suliicient? Can
he not save to the uttermost? Has he not promised
to save? Lord deliver me — suffer not Satan to pre-
vail. Pity, pity. Lord pity me !" But during all his
severe sulferings of mind and body, not a word of
repining or murmuring ever escaped his lips. He said
with reference to his dying in this gloom, " I cannot
help it. Thou art righteous, Father, glorify thy
name.^^ And then repeated those affecting hues of
Watt's paraphrase of the fifty-first psalm,

"And if my soul were sent to Hell,
Thy righteous law approves it well; —
Yet save a humble sinner Lord,
Whose hope still hovering round thy word,
Would light on some sweet promise there.
Some sure support against despair."

To his wife, he said, " God be your father and your
husband. I trust all mine will be kind to you. You
have been a great blessing unto me. We shall, I
trust, meet in heaven. I have less doubt of you, than
of myself"

A message was received from the Rev. D. Wilson,
his highly esteemed friend, expressing among other
things, the great benefit he had been to the church.
" Now this," said he, " is doing me harm. ' God be
merciful to vie a sinner,'' is the only ground on
which I rest. If I am saved, God shall have all the
glory." Having talked too much, he was again dis-
tressed, but having obtained some rest, he awoke in
the night, and said to his youngest son, who sat up
with him, " What is the world and the glory of it? ^ I
would not change my hope, lean and meagre as it is,

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THOUGHTS ON

for all the kingdoms of the world and the glory of
them, were I sure of living a thousand years longer,
to enjoy them."

I asked him on Sunday, if I should stay from
church and attend on him, " 0 no," he replied, "noth-
ing gives me pleasure but what is for your good, and
the thought that you pray for me."

On Monday, he said to the servant who attended
him, " I thank you for all your kindness. You have
been a faithful domestic, and I hope a conscientious
one. If at any time I have been hasty and sharp,
forgive me, and pray to God to forgive, but lay the
blame upon me, not on religion." A similar address
and request he made to his curate. Thus his feelings
continued to alternate for several days, until death
closed the scene. But whatever were his pains, his
prayers were unceasing and most earnest. During
the whole scene, his patience, his kindness, his sub-
mission, his humility, and his faith, were most mani-
fest.

CHAPTER XXII.

Preparation for Death — The state of the Soul after Death.

It was intended to have added the death-bed expe-
rience of the Rev. Dr. Andrew Fuller, and of some
others, but it seemed that this part of the subject had
been extended far enough. Indeed, some may be
ready to inquire, why so much said respecting the
thoughts and speeches of dying persons? To which
we would reply, that there is no subject in the world
which ought to be more interesting to all men, since
all men are appointed to die. Whatever other evils
we may escape, "in this war there is no discharge."
It is a scene of which we can have no previous ex-
perience; and therefore, it is prudent to learn what
we can from the experience of those who have gone

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

295

before us. It is an important and an awful scene, and
should therefore occupy many of our thoughts. If
due preparation has been neglected in life and health,
there is small probability that it will be made on a
dying bed. If I had set down all that I have wit-
nessed and read of the dying exercises of unconverted
sinners, it would have presented an appalhng object
for our contemplation. Such scenes have often been
exhibited in print, and are not without their use, but
such narratives did not fall in with the scope of these
essays. But however insipid, or even disgusting these
accounts of the dying exercises of believers may be to
some readers, there is a class, and a large one too, who
will take a deep interest in these things, because they
are now waiting till their change comes, and are
looking forward with intense interest to that inevit-
able event of which we have been writing so much.
These are the persons whom the author has had prin-
cipally in view, in selecting these experiences of de-
parting saints; and as the hopes and comforts of the
children of God in life are very various, so he has en-
deavoured to show, that a like variety is found in
their views and exercises, at the time of their depar-
ture out of the world. The writer confesses also, that
in dwelling so long on this subject, he had some re-
gard to his own editication, and preparation for death.
As he knows from infallible evidence, that he will
soon be required to put off this tabernacle, and to
emigrate from this lower world, he was solicitous to ac-
quii-e as much information as he was able from those
who have gone before, what were the difficulties, suf-
ferings, and encouragements, of pilgrims in this last
stage of their journey. And, however it may be with
others, he has derived instruction and encouragement,
from the contemplation of such scenes as are here de-
scribed. It appears to him supremely reasonable, that
during the short time which remains of his lite, he
should be chiefly concerned in the meditation of the
things of another world, and in making actual prepa-
ration for his own departure. He once supposed that
the near approach of death would of itself be sufficient

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to arouse the mind, and impress upon it the reahty
and awful importance of eternal things; but he finds
by sad experience, that however bis judgment is con-
vinced of the certainty of death, and its consequences,
that nothing will bring these things to bear on the
heart, but the illumination of the Holy Spirit. He
wishes, therefore, to engage in such reading, medita-
tion, and writing, as may have a tendency to fix his
thoughts on the solemn scene before him, when he
must close his eyes on the light of this world, and
bid adieu to all friends and objects with which he has
been conversant here. He is not of opinion, however,
that the best way to make preparation for death, is to
sit down and pore over the condition of our own
souls, or to coiifine our exertions to those things
which are directly connected with our own salvation.
We are kept here to do our Master's work, and that
relates to others as well as ourselves. We have a stew-
ardship, of which we must give an account; and the
faithful and wise steward is careful and diligent in dis-
pensing blessings committed to him, to others; this is
especially the case in regard to ministers of the gospel.
We have a responsible office, and our account before
the tribunal of Jesus Christ must be solemn and
awful; and it will not do to relinquish the proper
work of our calling, upon the pretext of seeking our
own salvation. Our own seeking will be entirely
unavailing, without the aid and blessing of God, and
this we may expect most confidently, when we are
diligently engaged in doing his work, which is always
the duties of our station and calling. Active duty
must be performed as long as we have strength for
the work; and like the Levites, we must attend around
the tabernacle and altar, when we are too old for
more laborious services. Many of the faithful ser-
vants of God have expressed a strong desire not to
outlive their usefulness; and some have wished that
their departure might occur in the very act of preach-
ing. These things we may better leave to the wis-
dom of God, who directs all the circumstances of the
death of his people, as well as of their lives. Even

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE, 297

when by bodily infirmities, the servants of God are
obliged to desist from public labours, they do not
cease from serving their Master; their lives are not
useless. His name is as much honoured by patient
submission and cheerful resignation, as by zealous
public exertion; and the greatest and most effectual
work which can be performed by any on earth, they
can perform — I mean the offering of prayers and in-
tercessions, day and night, at The throne of grace.
Let not the infirm and aged say, that they can now
do nothing for God. They can do much; and for
ought they can tell, more than they ever did in the
days of their vigour. It is a beautiful sight to see
men laden with fruit, even in old age. Such fruits
are generally more mature than those of earlier days;
and the aged saint often enjoys a tranquillity and re-
pose of spirit, which is almost peculiar to "that age.
David, or whoever is the author of the 71st Psalm,
prays most earnestly a prayer which should be daily
on the lips of the aged, " Cast me not off in the time
of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth."
And again, "Now when I am old and grey-headed
forsake me not, until I have showed thy strength to
this generation, and thy power to all that are to come."
Let the aged then tell to those that come after them,
the works of divine grace which they have witnessed
or which their fathers have told them. Let them be
active as long as they can, and when bodily strength
faileth, let them wield the pen; or if unable to write
for the edification of the church, let them exhibit a
consistent and shining example of the Christian tem-
per, in kindness and good will to all; in uncomplain-
ing patience; in contented poverty; in cheerful sub-
mission to painful providences; and in mute resigna-
tion to the bereavement of their dearest friends. And
when death comes, let them not be afraid or disnia\'-ed ;
then will be the time to honour God by implicitly and
confidently trusting in his promises. Let them "against
hope believe in hope." It is by fiiith that the last
enemy must be conquered. He that believeth shall
not be confounded, in this trying hour. The great

298 THOUGHTS ON

Shepherd will not forsake his redeemed flock, for
whom he has shed his blood; and though the adver-
sary may rage and violently assault the dying saint,
he shall not overcome them. Each one of them may
say with humble confidence, "Though I walk through
the valley and shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for thou art with me, thy rod aixl thy stafl!" they com-
fort me."

Let us not desire to make»a parade and ostentatious
display on a dying bed. Death has been called the
holiest hour, but hypocrisy may be practised even
on a dying bed. Although this event often reveals
secrets, and brings deceived souls to a conviction of
the sandy foundation on which they have built their
hopes; yet some keep on the mask to the last moment.
More, however, suppress the expression of their fears
and distress of mind. So much is said often about
the manner in which persons meet death, that some
good men have wished and requested to be left very
much alone: they have feared lest they should be
tempted to vain-glory, even on a dying bed; or they
have feared lest their coiu'age should fail them in the
last struggle, and they should, through pain and im-
becility of mind, be left to bring dishonour on their
profession. The late excellent and evangelical Simeon
of Cambridge, seems to have been under the influence
of a feeling of this kind. But the best and safest way
is submissively to commit all the circumstances of our
death unto God.

We have no conception of the soul, but as a think-
ing, active being. The body is merely an organ or
instrument by which the soul acts while connected
with it; indeed, it cannot be demonstrated that the
soul performs all its acts here by the use of this organ.
But whether or not, is of little consequence. We
know that activity belongs to the soul, not to the
body; and it would be a strange conclusion, that that
which is essentially active, should cease to act, be-
cause it had been deprived of one set of organs. The
only legitimate inference is that when separated from
the body, the mode of action is different from what

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 299

it was before. As we leani the various operations
of the soul, only by experience, it is plain, that we
cannot fully understand or explain, the precise mode
of its action after it is separated from the body. Paul
teaches us, that the soul may exist and have conscious
exercises of a very exaUed kind, for, he says, speak-
ing of his rapture into heaven, " Whether in the body
or out of the body, I cannot tell;" for if the soul
could not act without the body, he could have told
certainly that ho was in the body, when he witnessed,
in the third heavens, things which it is not lawful for
a man to utter. But this truth is taught more clearly
and directly by Christ himself, when he said to the
penitent thief, on the cross, "this day shalt thou be
with me in Paradise." This testimony is of itself
abundantly sufficient, and there is no evasion of its
force, but by an interpretation so frigid and far-fetched,
that it only serves to betray the weakness of the
cause which it is brought to support. Paul, in an-
other passage, speaks clearly and explicitly on this
point: " Therefore, we are always confident, know-
ing that whilst we are at home in the body, we are
absent from the Lord. We are confident, I say, and
willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be
present with the Lord." In the previous context this
apostle intimates that when the clay tabernacle is
dissolved the soul will not be found naked, but that
there will be another house ready to receive it; so
that it will not be unclothed, but clothed upon. "For,"
says he, "in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be
clothed upon with our house, which is from heaven.
If so be that being clothed, we shall not be found
naked. For we that are in this tabernacle so do
groan, being burdened, not that we would be un-
clothed but clothed upon, that mortality might be
swallowed up of life." It would seem, then, that the
soul is never without a suitable dwelling; it will not
be unclothed; it only passes from one house to an-
other— from an earthly to a heavenly habitation.
But what this celestial clothing will be, of course we
cannot now tell. When Stephen was dying, he cried

300

THOUGHTS ON

"Lord Jesus receive my spirit." The Lord Jesus is
every where near to his saints; and as he watches
over his sheep during their whole passage through
the wilderness; so He is especially near to them,
when they come to the "valley and shadow of Death,"
so that they may then sing with the sweet psalmist of
Israel, " When I walk through the valley and shadow
of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy
rod and thy staff they comfort me." But as Jesus
the Lord, has his residence in heaven, where he occu-
pies a place on the throne of God, at the right hand
of the Father, and is surrounded hy an innumerable
host ready to execute all his commandments; so he
commissions messengers to attend at the dying bed of
believers, and receive the spirits of the just and con-
duct them to his presence. It is evident that the de-
parting soul will need a guide and convoy, for utterly
ignorant of the glorious world into which it has en-
tered, it would not know which way to direct its
course, or where to find its allotted mansion. For
heaven is a wide domain — the house of the Father of
our Lord Jesus Christ, has many mansions, and every
redeemed soul has provided for it, an appropriate
residence, "for," says Christ, "I go to prepare a
place for you." And tliat guardian angels are sent
to perform these kind offices for departed saints, we
are not left to conjecture, for we read, that as soon as
Lazarus died, he "was carried by the angels into
Abraham's bosom." There is no reason for sup-
posing that the privilege now conferred on the beg-
gar, was peculiar to him; every saint needs the
guidance and guardianship of angels as well as Laza-
rus; and we may conclude therefore, that angels will
attend on every departing saint.

Although we cannot now understand, how the
soul will act in the future Avorld, when divested of
the body of clay; we cannot doubt that its conscious-
ness of its identity will go with it. The memory of
the past, instead of being obliterated, will, in all pro-
bability, be much more perfect, than while the per-
son lived upon earth. It is no how incredible, that

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

301

memory in the future world, will present to men,
every thing which they have ever known, and every
transaction in which they were ever engaged. The
susceptibility of joyful emotions will also accompany
the soul into the invisible world; and one of the first
feelings of the departed saint, will be, a lively sense
of complete deliverance from all evil, natural and
moral. The pains of death will be Ihe last pangs
ever experienced. When these are over, the soul
will enjoy the feeling of complete salvation from
every distress. What a new and delightful sensa-
tion will it be, to feel safe from every future danger,
as well as saved from all past trouble. But the most
important change experienced at this time, will be, a
perfect purification of the soul from siff. The soul,
heretofore struggling with inbred corruption, which
damped its ardour, darkened its views, stupified its
feelings, now can act without any moral obstruction.
Who that has often complained, like Paul, " 0 wretch-
ed man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body
of this death," but will feel this to be indeed heaven
begun, when there will no more be felt any secret
working of pride, or envy, or selfishness; but when
it shall be pure, and sweetly conscious of its own
purity. As perfection in holiness supposes a clear
knowledge of spirUual objects; so we know, that we
shall no more see the divine glory, as it were, by re-
flection from a glass, but directly, or "face to face."
The soul of man, though probably greatly enlarged
in its powers, may have new faculties developed, for
which there was no use here, and of which it had
no consciousness; yet the field of knowledge being
boundless, and our minds being capable of attending
only to one thing at one time, our knowledge of celes-
tial things will be gradually acquired, and not per-
fected at once. Indeed, there can be no limit set to
the progression in knowledge; it will be endless.
And no doubt the unalloyed pleasures of the future
state, will be intimately connected with this continual
increase of divine knowledge. And as here, know-
ledge is acquired by the aid of instructers, why may

302 THOUGHTS ON

not the same he the fact in heaven ? What a dehght-
fiil employment to the saints who have been drink-
ing in the knowledge of God and his works for thou-
sands of years, to communicate instruction to the
saint just arrived! How delightful to conduct the
pilgrim who has just finished his race, through the
ever blooming bowers of paradise, and to introduce
him to this and the other ancient believer, and to as-
sist him to find out and recognize, among so great a
multitude, old friends and earthly relatives. There
need be no dispute about our knowing, in heaven,
those whom we knew and loved here; for if there
should be no faculty by which they could at once be
recognised, yet by extended and familiar intercourse
with the celOTtial inhabitants, it cannot be otherwise
but that interesting discoveries will be made continu-
ally; and the unexpected recognition of old friends
may be one of the sources of pleasure which will
render heaven so pleasant. But as the fleshly bond
of relationship is dissolved, at death, it seems rea-
sonable to think, that the only bond of union and
kindred in heaven, will be the spiritual bond, which
unites all believers in one body, and to Christ their
living head; therefore, we may presume, that there
will be felt an ardent desire to form an acquaint-
ance with the most remarkable personages, who have
lived from Adam downward. Who, if admitted into
paradise, could repress his curiosity to see, and if
possible, to converse with the progenitor of our
race? Doubtless, he could tell us some things which
we do not fully understand. And who would not
wish to see the first person who ever entered those
blessed abodes from our earth.? Ah, and Enoch
too, who never tasted death, and who still pos-
sesses his original body, changed and glorified, it
is true, but still substantially the same. We might
expect to find him in the company of Elijah, who is
similarly circumstanced; and some think that the
body of Moses, though it was dead and buried, was
raised again, as he seems to have appeared in his
own proper body on the mount of Transfiguration.

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 303

And where is Abraham, that venerable saint, who in
faith and obedience exceeded all other men, and ob-
tained from God the honourable appellation of " The
Father of the Faithful,'^ and the friend of God? And
who would be in heaven ever so short a time, with-
out desiring to see Paul, the apostle of the Gentiles?
And not him only, but Peter, and John, and all the
college of the apostles. But methinks we are in dan-
ger of indulging our imaginations too far, and of
transferring to a heavenly state, too many of the feel-
ings and associations of our earthly condition. And
I am reminded also, that as the twinkling stars are
lost in the blaze of the rising sun, so there is one per-
son in the highest heavens, visible to all who enter
that place, whose glory irradiates all the celestial
mansions; whose love and smiles diffuse ineffable
joy through all the heavenly hosts, and in whom
every believer has an absorbing interest with which
no other can be compared. On his head he wears
many crowns, and in his hand he holds a sceptre by
which he governs the universe; but yet he exhibits,
visibly, the marks of a violent death, which, for us,
he once endured. His name is, The Word of God,
King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. The Alpha
and Omega. The Almighty. And behold, all the
angels of God worship him. And the host of the re-
deemed, which no man can number, sing a song of
praise to the Lamb, which no man can learn, except
those that are redeemed from among men, for the
burden of their song is " To Him that loved us, and
washed us from our sins in his own blood. These
are they that have washed their robes, and made
them white in the blood of the Lamb." Every re-
deemed soul, upon being admitted into heaven, will,
for a while, be so completely absorbed in the contem-
plation of that DIVINE PERSON, that he will be inca-
pable of paying much attention to any others. Like
that Armenian princess, of whom Zenophon gives an
account, who after all the rest of the company had
been expressing their admiration of Cyrus, one prais-
ing one thing and one another, upon being asked

304

THOUGHTS ON

what about this royal personage she admired most,
answered, that she did not even look at him, because
her whole attention had been absorbed in admiring
him (her young husband) who had offered to die for
her. But the saved sinner may say. that his atten-
tion was completely absorbed in gazing upon Him,
who not only said that He would die for him, but
who actually did die in his place, and by this sacri-
fice redeemed him from the curse of the law, and
from all iniquity. The sweet and intimate inter-
course which the redeemed soul will have with his
Saviour cannot now be conceived: it will far trans-
cend all the ideas which we now can form; and will
be a perfection of bliss so great that nothing can be
added to it in any other way, than by an increase of
the capacity of the soul. But still, all that is enjoyed
in this intermediate state between death and judg-
ment, is but a part of that felicity to which the re-
deemed of the Lord are destined hereafter. It is
only the enjoyment of a separate soul; but "the ex-
ceeding great and eternal weight of glory" laid up
in heaven for the children of God is for the whole
man, made up of soul and body; and as even in this
world many pleasures are enjoyed by means of bodily
organs, who can tell what new and ever varying
delights may be let into the soul by means of bodies
of a celestial mould ? bodies fashioned after the model
of the glorious body of Jesus Christ! If our senses
now bring to our view so many glorious objects both
in the heavens and the earth, how rich and delight-
ful will be the vision of the upper heavens by the
eyes of the resurrection body? Then shall we see
Jesus with our bodily eyes — then shall we behold
what now no tongue can describe, nor even heart
conceive. The departed saints, therefore, though bless-
ed to the full amount of their present capacity, yet
are living in joyful expectation of a more glorious
state. We should not think that the redemption and
resuscitation of the body is a small matter. The
body is an essential part of human nature, and the
glorified body will add to the felicity of the redeemed

RELIGIOVS EXPERIENCE.

305

in a degree which we have no means of calculating.
The inspired writers, therefore, when they speak of
the blessedness of Heaven, speak sparingly of the
state of the separate soul ; but when they describe the
resurrection, they seem to be enraptured. Hear Paul,
drawing a comparison between this mortal, corrupt,
and earthly body, and that immortal, pure, and spi-
ritual body, which will be possessed by every saint.
"It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption.
It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory. It is
sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown
a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. As we
have borne the image of the earthly, so shall we bear
the image of the heavenly. For this corruptible must
put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on im-
mortality." No sooner shall these resuscitated bo-
dies open their immortal eyes, than they shall behold
the Son of man coming in the clouds of Heaven.
And no sooner is the judgment set, than all these shall
be caught up to meet the Lord in the air, and shall
be so highly honoured as to have a place, as asses-
sors, on the judgment seat with Him. And when
the awful transactions of that day are ended, the re-
deemed shall accompany their Lord and Saviour to
Heaven, where they shall be put in full and eternal
possession of that felicity and glory which Christ has
purchased for them by his precious blood. In this
sublime temple, their songs shall mingle with those of
the holy angels, for ever and ever. It need not be
supposed that saints in Heaven will be continually
employed in nothing but praise. This, indeed, will be
their noblest employment; and the anthems of praise
to God and the Lamb will never cease; but may we not
reasonably suppose that the exercises and pursuits of
the saints will be various. The wonderful works of
God will open to their contemplation. They may
be employed, as angels are nov^r, as messengers to
distant worlds, either as instruments of justice or
mercy: for we find that the angels are employed in
both these ways. While, then, one choir surrounds
the throne, and elevates the celestial song of praise

306

THOUGHTS ON

for redemption, others maybe employed in executing
the commands of their Lord; and then, in their turn,
these last may keep up the unceasing praise, while
the first go forth on errands of mercy or wrath.
Some have divided the angels into assisting and
ministering: the first are supposed to be always en-
gaged in acts of worship, while the last are always
employed in other services. But it would be much
more reasonable to suppose, that they all, in turn, take
their part in both these services. Here, however, it be-
comes us to pause, and in deep humility, on account
of our ignorance and un worthiness, to put our hands
on our mouths, and our mouths in the dust. We are
slow to learn earthly things; how then can we com-
prehend those which are heavenly? But if we are
the children of God, we shall have experience of these
celestial employments and never ending joys. Soon,
very soon, these things which are now dimly discerned
by means of faith, will be realized, when every hum-
ble saint shall appear with Christ in glory, and shall
never be exposed any more to danger or suffering.
Let us, then, now begin the song which shall never
cease to Him that saved us and washed us from our
sins in his own precious blood.

RELIGIOUS EXPEKIENCE. 307

PRAYER

FOR ONE WHO FEELS THAT HE IS APPROACHING THE BOR-
DERS OF ANOTHER WORLD.

0 MOST merciful God! I rejoice that thou dost reign
over the universe with a sovereign sway, so that thou
dost according to thy will, in the armies of heaven
and among the inhabitants of the earth. Thou art
the maker of my body, and Father of spirit, and thou
hast a perfect right to dispose of me, in that manner
which will most effectually promote thy glory: and

1 know that whatsoever thou dost, is right, wise, and
just, and good. And whatever may be my eternal
destiny, I rejoice in the assurance that thy great name
will be glorified in me. But as thou hast been
pleased to reveal thy mercy and thy grace, to our
fallen miserable world; and as the word of this sal-
vation has been preached unto me, inviting me to ac-
cept of eternal life, upon the gracious terms of the
gospel. I do cordially receive the Lord Jesus Christ
as my Saviour and only Redeemer, believing sin-
cerely, the whole testimony which thou hast given
respecting his divine character, his real incarnation,
his unspotted and holy life, his numerous and bene-
ficent miracles, his expiatory and meritorious death,
and his glorious resurrection and ascension. I be-
lieve, also, in his supreme exaltation, in his prevalent
intercessions for his chosen people, in liis aflectionate
care and aid afforded to his suffering members here
below, and in his second coming to receive his humble
followers to dwell with him in heaven; and to take
vengeance on his obstinate enemies. My only hope
and confidence of being saved, rests simply on the
mediatorial work and prevailing intercession of the
Lord Jesus Christ; inconsequence of which the Holy
Spirit is graciously sent to make application of Christ's
redemption, by working faith in us, and repentance
unto life; and rendering us meet for the heavenly in-

308

THOUGHTS ON

heritance, by sanctifying us in tfie whole man, soul,
body, and spirit. Grant, gracious God! that the rich
blessings of the new covenant may be freely bestow-
ed on thy unworthy servant. I acknowledge that I
have no claim to thy favour, on account of any good-
ness in me by nature; for alas! there dwelleth in me,
that is in my flesh, no good thing; nor on account
of any works of righteousness done by me; for all
our righteousnesses are as filthy rags. Neither am I
able to make atonement for any one of my innume-
rable transgressions; which I confess before thee, are
not only many in number, but heinous in their na-
ture, justly deserving thy displeasure and wrath; so
that if I were immediately sent to hell, thou wouldst
be altogether just in my condemnation. Although I
trust, that I have endeavoured to serve thee with some
degree of sincerity; yet whatever good thing I have
ever done, or even thought, I ascribe entirely to thy
grace, without which I can do nothing acceptable in
thy sight. And I am deeply convinced, that my best
duties have fallen far short of the perfection of thy
law, and have been so mingled with sin in the per-
formance, that I might justly be condemned for the
most fervent prayer I ever made. And I would con-
fess with shame and contrition, that I am not only
chargeable with sin in the act, but that there is a law
in my members, warring against the law of my mind,
aiming to bring me into captivity to the law of sin and
death. This corrupt nature is the source of innu-
merable evil thoughts and desires, and damps the
exercise of faith and love, and stands in the way
of well-doing, so that when I would do good, evil is
present with me. And so deep and powerful is this
remaining depravity, that all efforts to eradicate or
subdue it, are vain without the aid of divine grace.
And when at any time I obtain a glimpse of the
depth and turpitude of the sin of my nature, I am
overwhelmed, and constrained to exclaim with Job,
"I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes."
And now Righteous Lord God Jilmighty, I would
not attempt to conceal any of my actual transgressions,

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 309

however vile and shameful they are. But would pe-
nitently confess them before thee; and would plead
in my defence, nothing but the perfect righteous-
ness of the Lord Jesus Christ, who died, the just
for the unjust, to bring us near to God. For his sake
alone, do I ask or expect the rich blessings necessary
to my salvation. For although I am unworthy, he
is most worthy; though I have no righteousness, he
has provided by his expiatory death, and by his holy
life, a complete justifying righteousness, in which spot-
less robe I pray that I may be clothed; so that thou
my righteous Judge, wilt see no sin in me, but wilt
acquit me from every accusation, and justify me
freely by thy grace, through the righteousness of my
Lord and Saviour, with whom thou art ever well
pleased. And my earnest prayer is, that Jesus may
save me from my sins, as well as from their punish-
ment; that I may be redeemed from all iniquity, as
well as from the condemnation of the law; that the
work of sanctification may be carried on in my soul
by thy word and Spirit, until it be perfected at thine
appointed time. And grant, 0 Lord ! that as long as
I am in the body, I may make it my constant study
and chief aim to glorify thy name, both with soul
and body, which are no longer mine, but thine; for I
am " bought with a price" — not with silver and gold,
but with tlje precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb
without blemish and without spot. Enable me to let
my light so shine, that others, seeing my good works,
may be led to glorify thy name. 0! make use of
me as an humble instrument of advancing thy king-
dom on earth, and promoting the salvation of immor-
tal souls. If thou hast appointed sufferings for me,
here below, I beseech thee to consider my weakness,
and let thy chastisements be those of a loving father,
that I may be made partaker of thy holiness. And
let me not be tempted above what I am able to bear,
but with the temptation make a way for escape.

0, most merciful God! "Cast me not off in the
time of old age; forsake me not when my strength
declineth. Now, when I am old and grey-headed,

310 THOUGHTS ON

forsake me not; but let thy grace be sufficient for me;
and enable me to bring forth fruit, even in old age.
May my hoary head be found in the ways of right-
eousness! Preserve my mind from dotage and im-
becility, and my body from protracted disease and
excruciating pain. Deliver me from despondency
and discouragement, in my declining years, and ena-
ble me to bear affliction with patience, fortitude, and
perfect submission to thy holy will. Lift upon me
perpetually the light of thy reconciled countenance,
and cause me to rejoice in thy salvation, and in the
hope of thy glory. May the peace that passeth all
understanding be constantly diffused through my
soul, so that my mind may remain calm through all
the storms and vicissitudes of life."

As, in the course of nature, I must be drawing near
to my end, and as I know I must soon put off this
tabernacle, I do humbly and earnestly beseech thee,
0 Father of mercies, to prepare me for this inevitable
and solemn event. Fortify my mind against the ter-
rors of death. Give me, if it please thee, an easy
passage through the gate of death. Dissipate the
dark clouds and mists which naturally hang over the
grave, and lead me gently down into the gloomy val-
ley. 0 my kind Shepherd, who hast tasted the bit-
terness of death for me, and who knowest how to
sympathize with and succonr the sheep of thy pas-
ture, be thou present to guide, to support, and to
comfort me. Illumine with beams of heavenly light
the valley and shadow of death, so that I may fear
no evil. When heart and flesh fails, be thou the
strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Let
not my courage fail in the trying hour. Permit not
the great adversary to harass my soul, in the last
struggle, but make me a conqueror and more than a
conqueror in this fearful conflict. I humbly ask that
my reason may be continued to the last, and if it be
thy will, that I may be so comforted and supported,
that I may leave a testimony in favour of the reality
of religion, and thy faithfulness in fulfilling thy gra-

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE. 311

cious promises; and that others of thy servants who
may follow after, may be encouraged ]3y my example,
to commit themselves boldly to the guidance and
keeping of the Shepherd of Israel.

And when my spirit leaves this clay tenement,
Lord Jesus receive it. Send some of the blessed an-
gels to convey my inexperienced soul to the mansion
which thy love has prepared. And 0, let me be so
situated, though in the lowest rank, that I may be-
hold thy glory. May I have an abundant entrance
administered unto me in the kingdom of our Lord
and Saviour Jesus Christ. For whose sake, and in
whose name, I ask all these things. Amen.

THE END.

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