The Project Gutenberg eBook, Three Plays, by Zora Neale Hurston
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Three Plays
Lawing and Jawing; Forty Yards; Woofing
Author: Zora Neale Hurston
Release Date: November 29, 2005 [eBook #17187]
Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THREE PLAYS***
E-text prepared by Charlene Taylor and the Project Gutenberg Online
Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net/) from page images
generously provided by the American Memory Project of the Library of
Note: These plays have been transcribed from original manuscripts.
There are pencilled notations possibly by Ms. Hurston herself.
These pencilled notations have been transcribed as
with the exception of things that were clearly corrected typing
mistakes. Uncorrected typographical errors were left as in the
original. Words which were underlined in the text are enclosed
by underscores ("_").
Images of the original pages are available through the
American Memory Collection of the Library of Congress.
For "Lawing and Jawing" see
For "Forty Yards" see
For "Woofing" see
Lawing and Jawing
Zora Neale Hurston
LAWING AND JAWING
by Zora *[Handwritten: (Neale)] Hurston
PLACE: Way cross Georgia
SCENE: Judge Dunfumy's Court.
PERSONS: Judge Dunfumy, Officer Simpson and another, Jemima
Flapcakes, Cliff Mullins, John Barnes, two lawyers,
a clerk, a pretty girl and her escort.
SETTING: Usual court-room arrangement, except that there is a
large red arrow pointing off-stage left, marked
ACTION: At rise everybody is in place except the Judge.
Suddenly the CLERK looks off-stage right and motions
for everybody to rise. Enter the JUDGE. He wears a
black cap and gown and has his gavel in his hand.
The two POLICEMEN walk behind him holding up his gown.
He mounts the bench and glares all about him before he
seats himself. There is a PRETTY GIRL in the front row
left, and he takes a good look at her, smiles, frowns
at her escort. He motions the police to leave him and
take their places with the spectators and he then raps
vigorously with his gavel for order.
Hear! Hear! Court is set! My honor is on de bench. You moufy folks set
(He glares at the boy with the pretty girl)
All right, Mr. Whistle-britches, just keep up dat jawing now and see
how much time I'll give you!
I wasn't talking, your honor.
Well, quit looking so moufy.
Call de first case. And I warn each and all dat my honor is in bad
humor dis mawnin'. I'd give a canary bird twenty years for peckin'
at a elephant.
Bring 'em on.
Cliff Mullins, charged with assault upon his wife with a weapon and
disturbing the peace.
(As CLIFF is led to the bar by the
officer, the JUDGE glares ferociously
at the prisoner. His wife, all
bandages, limps up to the bar at the
So youse one of dese hard-boiled wife-beaters, huh? Just a mean old
woman-Jessie! If I don't lay a hearing on you, God's a gopher! Now what
_made_ you cut such a caper?
Judge, I didn't go hunt her. Saturday night I was down on Dearborn
Street in a nasty ditch *[Handwritten: nasty ditch crossed out in
pencil, (buffet flat)]--
A nasty ditch? *[Handwritten: A nasty ditch crossed out in pencil,
Aw, at Emma Hayles' house.
Oh, yes. Go on.
(Points thumb at wife)
she come down dere and claim I took her money and she claimed I wuz
spending it on Emma.
And dat's just whut he was doing, too, Judge.
AW, she's tellin' a great big ole Georgia lie, Judge. I wasn't spendin'
no money of her'n.
Yes he was, Judge. There wasn't no money for him to git _but_ mine. He
ain't hit a lick of work since God been to Macon. Know whut he 'lowed
when I worry him 'bout workin'? Says he wouldn't take a job wid de
Careless Love Lumber Company, puttin' out whut make you do me lak you
do, do, do.
So, you goes for a sweet-back, do you?
Naw suh, Judge. I'd be glad to work if I could find a job.
How long you been outa work?
You been takin' keer of dis man for seventeen years?
Naw, but he been so mean to me, it seems lak seventeen
Now you tell me just where he hurt you.
Judge, tell you de truth, I'm hurt all over.
(Rubs her buttocks)
Fact is I'm cut.
Did you git cut in de fracas?
(feeling the back of her left thigh
below her buttocks)
Not in de fracas, Judge--just below it.
(She starts to show the JUDGE where
she has been cut. He motions to stop
(to Officer Simpson)
Grab him. Put him in de shade.
Judge, I'm unguilty! I ain't laid de weight of my hand on her in malice.
You got me 'cused of murder and I ain't harmed a child.
Lemme ast _you_ something. Didn't you know dat all de women in dis town
belongs to me? Beat my women and I'll stuff you in jail. 90 years. Take
(CLIFF is led off to jail. JUDGE looks
angrily at the boy who is holding
hands with the pretty girl)
You runs me hot and I'm just dyin' to sit on _yo'_ case.
Whut you in here for?
Well, whut you doin' in my court, you gater-faced rascal?
My girl wanted to see whut was goin' on, so I brought
(Smiles at GIRL)
She was usin' good sense to come see whut I'm doin', but how come _you_
come in here? You gointer have a hard time gittin' out.
I ain't done a thing. I ain't never done nothin'. I'm just as clean as a
fish, and he been bathin' all his life.
You ain't done nothin', hunh? Well den youse guilty of vacancy. Grab
'im, Simpson, and search 'im--and if he got any concealed weapons, I'm
gointer give 'im life-time and eight years mo'.
(The OFFICER seizes the boy and frisks
him. All he finds is a new deck of
cards. The JUDGE looks at them in
Unh hunh! I knowed it, one of dese skin game jelly-beans. Robbin' hard
workin' men out they money.
Judge, I ain't used 'em at all. See, dey's brand new.
Well, den youse charged wid totin' concealed cards and attempt to
gamble. Ten years at hard labor. Put him in de dark, Simpson, and throw
de key away.
(He looks at the girl and beams.)
Don't you worry bout how you gointer git home. You gointer be took home
right, 'cause I'm gointer take you myself. Bring on de next one, clerk.
Jemima Flap-Cakes, charged with illegal possession and sale of alcoholic
(She is a fat, black, belligerent
looking woman. JUDGE looks coldly at
Well, you heard whut he said. Is you guilty or unguilty? And I'm tellin'
you right now dat you come up befo' _me_ it's just like youse in church.
You better have a strong determination, and you better tell a good
Yes, I sold it and I'll sell it again.
(snaps fingers and shakes hips)
How does ole booze-selling mama talk?
Yes, five thousand dollars and ten years in jail.
(Snaps fingers and shakes hips)
How does ole heavy fining papa talk?
(She is led away, shouting and
De Otis Blunt, charged wid stealin' a mule.
(LAWYER arises and comes forward with
You can't convict this man. I'm here to represent him.
Yo' mouf might spout lak a coffee pot but I got a lawyer
(Looks at other lawyer)
dat kin beat your segastuatin'.
(Looks admiring at girl)
How am I chewin' my dictionary and minglin' my alphabets?
Well, I kin try, can't I?
Oh yeah, you kin try, but I kin see right now where he's gointer git all
de time dat God ever made dat ain't been used already. From now on.
Go 'head, and spread yo' lungs all over Georgy, but he's goin' to jail!
Mules _must_ be respected.
(Striking a pose at the bar)
(Looks at the pretty girl)
Ladies and Gentlemen--
Never mind 'bout dat lady. You talk yo' chat to _me_.
This is a clear case of syllogism! Again I say syllogism. My client is
innocent because it was a dark night when they say he stole the mule and
that's against all laws of syllogism.
(JUDGE looks impressed and laughs)
Dat ole fool do know somethin' 'bout law.
When George Washington was pleading de case of Marbury vs. Madison, what
did _he_ say? What _did_ he say? Scintillate, scintillate, Globule
orific. Fain would I fathom thy nature's specific. Loftily poised in
ether capacious, strongly resembling a gem carbonacious. What did
Abraham Lincoln say about mule-stealing? When torrid Phoebut refuses his
presence and ceases to lamp with fierce incandescence, then you illumine
the regions supernal, scintillate, scintillate, semper noctornal.
Syllogism, again I say syllogism.
(He takes his seat amid applause)
Man, youse a pleadin' fool. You knows yo' rules and by-laws.
Let me show my glory. Let me spread my habeas corpus.
'Tain't no use. Dis lawyer done convinced me.
But, lemme parade my material--
Parade yo' material anywhere you wants to exceptin' befo' me. Dis lil
girl wants to go home and I'm goin' with her and enjoy de consequences.
ZORA *[Handwritten: (Neale)] HURSTON
(A Negro football game with the
popular concept of Negro life)
PLACE: Washington, D.C.
SCENE: The Ball Park
PERSONS: The Howard and Lincoln teams, the Howard band, cheer
SETTING: The park with grandstands on either sides and up-stage.
ACTION: At rise, the grandstands are full, the cheer leaders
are violently gyrating to whip up the mob. The
Lincoln colors fly from the right. The Howard from the
left. Both have cheer leaders. First is heard the
Lincoln mob singing "DIDN'T HE RAMBLE, RAMBLE."
And didn't he ramble, ramble, ramble all around, in and out of town
He rambled, he rambled, rambled till Ol' Lincoln cut him down
There'll be nothing but sweetmeats, for our football team
There'll be nothing but sweetmeats for our football team
Baked Hampton, boiled Shaw, fried Union, Lincoln Slaw,
There'll be nothing but sweetmeats, for our football team.
(Enter the HOWARD BAND, led by a
hot-strutting drum major. They parade
the field and the men students pile
down and fall in behind the team.
They sing and shout to the TEAM
This is the t-e-a-m team
On which the hopes of Howard lean
Beat Ol' Hampton, beat Ol' Union
Sweep Ol' Lincoln clean
We are the b-e-s-t best
Of the r-e-s-t rest
Come and watch us put Ol' Howard
On top of Lincoln's chest.
We'll hit the l-i-n-e line
For a hundred ninety-nine
For we love Ol' Howard, yes we love her
All the t-i-m-e time.
(At the conclusion the teams takes
the field. The ball is put into play
and LINCOLN kicks off to Howard. As
the ball is caught and when the
player who is carrying the ball
plunges, followed by his team, the
Lincoln players fall on their knees
and begin to sing I COULDN'T HEAR
NOBODY PRAY. The HOWARD team charges
down shouting Joshua fit de battle of
Jericho. Whenever a player is tackled
there is a duet of dancing. Every
step is a dance. Finally the
grandstand catches fire and the
dancing and the shouting runs riot up
there. When the ball is on Lincoln's
ten-yard line, they hold Howard there
by rounding up both teams into a
huddle and the bunch-shout and sing
to a QUICK CURTAIN.)
Ah, ah, they shall not ah pass us
Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord
They shall not pass us, Ah-h-h-h.
*[Handwritten (Jul. 21, 1931)]
_ZORA *[Handwritten (Neale)] HURSTON_
PLACE: Negro Street in Waycross, Ga.
PERSONS: Loungers, two children, guitar
players, women, band--
SETTING: Porch and side walk, etc.
ACTION: Thru the open window of 'one' of
the shacks a WOMAN is discovered
ironing. A MAN is sitting on the
floor of the porch asleep. She
hums a bar or two, then comes to
the window and calls to the man.
Good Black, why don't you git up from dere and carry dese white folks
clothes home? You always want money but you wouldn't hit a lick at a
Aw, shut up woman. I'm tired of hearin' bout dem white folks clothes. I
don't keer if dey never git 'em.
You better keer! Dese very clothes took and brought _you_ out de crack.
'Cause de first time I saw you you was so hungry till you was walkin'
lap-legged. Man, you had de white-mouf, you was so hungry.
(Enter another MAN leisurely. Good
Black sees him and calls)
Hey, Cliffert, where you headed for?
Oh, no where in particular.
Come here then, fish, and lemme bend a checker game over yo' head. Come
on, youse my fish.
(Comes to the porch and sits)
Git de checkers and I'll have you any, some or none. I push a mean
(Voice inside quarreling)
Dress up and strut around! Yes! Play checkers? Yes! Eat? Yes! Work? No!!
(The game starts. A period of silence
in which they indicate their
concentration by frowns, cautious
moves, head scratching. GOOD BLACK is
pointing his index finger over the
board indicating moves. He wig-wags,
starts to move, scratches his head
thoroughly, changes his mind and fools
around without moving)
Police! Police! Come here and make dis man move!
Aw, I got plenty moves.
(Scratches his head)
Jus' tryin' to see which one I want to make. But when I do move, it's
gointer be just too bad for you.
(A guitar is heard off stage and
Cliffert brightens. He cups his hand
Hey Lonnie! Come here! Ha, ha, ha! I got me a fish.
(Enter LONNIE picking "East Coast" on
his box and stands watching the game.
He ceases to play as he stops walking)
Ha, ha! You see ol' Good Black goes for a hard guy. He tries to know
more than a mule and a mule's head longer'n his'n. Ha, ha! I set a trap
for him and he fell right in it. Trying to ride de britches! _Now_ look
Aw, shut up! You tryin' to show yo' grandma how to milk ducks. You can't
beat me playin' no checkers.
(Scratches his head again)
Just watch me show my glory.
(Leans out of window)
Good Black! When you gointer come git dese clothes!
(He does not answer, he is trying to
You got him Cliffert. You got him in Louisville Loop. He's yo' fish all
Man, didn't I push a mean chuck-a-luck dat time! I'm good, better, and
best. Move, Man!
(To Good Black)
I tole you not to do it.
All dat noise ain't playin' checkers. You just wait till I make my move.
All right, now, Mr. Nappy-Chin! I don't want to have to call you no mo'
to come keer dese white folks clothes! I'm tired of takin' and takin'
affa you! My belly's full clear up to de neck. I don't need no lazy coon
lak you nohow. I'm a good woman, and I needs somebody dats gointer give
aid and assistance.
Aw, go head on', woman, and leave me be! Every Saturday it's de same
thing! Yo' mouth exhausting like a automobile. You worse than "cryin'
Emma". You kin whoop like de Seaboard and squall lak de Coast Line.
(Taps his head)
You ain't go all dat b'long to _you_, and nothin' dat b'long to nobody's
else. You better leave me 'lone before you make a bad man out of me.
Fool wid me and I'll go git me somebody else. I'm a much-right man.
Now you ain't no much right man neither. You didn't _git me_ wid no
saw-mill license--You went to de court house and paid a dollar and a
half for me. Tain't no other woman got as much right to you as I got. De
Man to tell you youse divorced befo' yo' kin play dat much-right on me!
De Man don't have to tell me nothin'! I got divorce in my heels.
You ain't de only one dat knows where de railroad track is, I done made
up my mind, and I done promised Gabriel and a couple of other men dat
if yo' don't do no better than yo' been doin', I'm gointer pack me a
suit case and grab de first smoky thing I see. I'll be long gone.
Aw, yo' ain't no trouble! Yo' can be had. Yo' ain't never gointer
How come I won't? Just 'cause I been takin' keer of yo', don't make a
park ape out yo'self. I'll leave yo', just as sure as yo' snore!
(Rises and hitches up his trousers)
Aw, yo' ain't gointer leave me, and if yo' go, yo' wouldn't stay, 'cause
I'm a damn sweet man, and yo' know it!
(He begins to pick and Good Black
sings. Lonnie sings a line now and
Yo' may leave and go to Hali-muh-fack
But my slow drag will--uh bring yo' back
Well yo' may go, but this will bring yo' back
I been in de country but I moved to town
I'm a tolo-shaker from my head on down
Well, yo' may go, but this will bring yo' back
Some folks call me a tolo-shaker
It's a doggone lie I'm a back-bone breaker
Well, yo' may go, but this will bring yo' back.
Oh, ship on de sea, boat on de ocean
I raise hell when I take a notion
Well, yo' may go, but this will bring yo' back.
Oh, who do, who do, who do wackin'
Wid my hells a' poppin' and my toe-nails crackin'
Well, yo' may go, but this will bring yo' back.
Dat's all right too, pap but if yo' can't make me tote dese clothes
home, don't bring de mess up. Yo'se abstifically a humbug.
Man, come on back here and move, or else own up to de folks yo' can't
push no checkers wid me.
(He sits and begins to lay out moves
with his fingers and scratch his head.
Enter another MAN and stands akimbo
looking over Cliff's shoulder)
Don't stand over me lak dat, ugly as yo' is.
You ain't nobody's pretty baby yo'self!
Dat's all right, I ain't as ugly as yo'--youse ugly enough to git behind
a Simpoon weed and hatch monkies.
And youse ugly enough to git behind a tombstone and hatch hants.
Youse so ugly dey have to cover yo' face up at night so sleep can slip
up on yo'.
You look like ten cents worth of Have-Mercy. Yo' face look lak ole Uncle
Jump-off. Yo' mouth look lak a bunch of ruffles.
Yeah, but yo' done passed me. Yo' so ugly till they could throw yo' in
de Mississippi River and skim ugly for six months.
Look here, Cliff, don't yo' personate me! Counting from de little finger
back to de thumb--yo' start anythin', I go yo' some.
Go head and grab me buddie, but if yo' don't know how to turn me loose
too, don't bring de mess up! If yo' hit me, I may not beat you, but
yo'll be so dirty when St. Peter git yo' dat he can't use yo'.
Don't call _me_ buddy. Yo' buddy is huntin' coconuts. Don't yo' try to
throw me for a nap. Do. I'll kill yo' so stiff dead they'll have to push
yo' down. Yo' gointer to make me do some double cussin' on you.
(He picks up a heavy stick and walks
back towards Cliff)
Now I got dis farmer's choice in my hands, yo' better git outa my face.
Yo' wanta fight?
Yeah I wanta fight. Put it where I kin use it and I'll sho' use it. I'll
fight anybody. I get so hot sometimes I fights de corner of de house.
I'm so hot I totes a pistol to keep from gettin' in a fight wid myself.
I prints dangerous every time I sit down in, in a chair.
Man, this ain't no fighting weather. Ha, ha, ha! Did yo' think I was mad
sho' nuff? Yo' can't fight me. They's got to be runnin' before fightin'
and they's got to be plenty _good_ runnin' before dis fight comes off.
All right now. Yo' leave me alone and I'm a _good_ man. I'm just like an
old shoe. If yo' rain on me and cool me off I'm soft! If yo' shine on me
and git me hot, I'm hard.
(He drops the stick and exits)
(Cliff is shaking all over. He looks
after the Man to be sure he is gone)
Kah, kah, kah. Whut yo' so scarred about? De way yo' was talkin' I
though yo' was mad enough to fight.
I was. I gits hot real quick! But I'm very easy cooled when de man I'm
mad wid is bigger'n me.
(He drops into his seat, wiping his
Man did yo' see how he grabbed up dat check? He done skeered me into a
Good Black's Wife
Good Black, dese clothes is still waiting.
Well, let 'em wait on, I done tole yo' once. Yo' kind run yo' mouf but
yo' can't run my business.
(Enter a PRETTY GIRL. She strolls
happily across without stopping. Good
Black pretends to cough)
Who is dat?
(Turns and glares at him)
My old man got something for dat cough yo' got.
Dat's right, tell dese old mullet hear married men to mind they own
business. Now, take _me_ for instance. I'm a much-right man.
(Gets up and approaches her
I didn't quite git yo' name straight. Yo' better tell it to me again.
My name is Bee Ethel, turned round to Jones.
Yo' pretty lil ole ground angel yo'? Where did yo' come from?
Detroit. Yo' like me?
Do I lak yo'? I love yo' just lak God loves Gabriel, and dat's his best
angel. Go 'head and say somethin'. I jus' love to hear yo' talk.
Gimme five dollars. I need some stockings.
_Now_ Mama, dis ain't Gimme, Ga. Dis is Waycross. I'm just lak de
cemetery. I takes in but never no put out. I ain't puttin' out nothin'
but old folks eyes--and I don't do that till they's dead. Run
(The girl exits and he resumes his
Come on, Good Black, lemme wrap dis checker roun yo' neck.
Gimme time, gimme time! Don't try to rush me.
(He begins same business of figuring
out moves and scratching his head)
(Enter two or three girls and fellows.
The girls are dressed in cool summer
dresses, but nothing elaborate)
I know I'm gointer play something now.
(He tunes and plays "Cold Rainy Day".
He begins to sing and the others join
in. Not all. But all start to dancing.
They couple off as far as possible and
Lindy. The men unmated do hot solo
steps. The men cry out in ecstacy)
1. Shimmy! If you can't shimmy, shake your head.
2. Look, baby, look! Throw it in de alley
3. Look, if you can't look, stick out, and if you can't stick
out, git out.
(At the end of the son and dance, one
of the girls exclaim)
Aw, we got to go. Mama's looking for us.
(The three girls exit, walking
happily. The men watch them go)
Oh boy, look at 'em! Switching it and looking back at it.
(He imitates the girl's walk)
Yeah Lawd, ain't they specifyin'! They handles a lot of traffic.
(Seating himself again)
Yeah, but dat don't play no checkers. Come on here, Good Black
and lemme finish wearing your ant.
Good Black's Wife
Good Black, yo' better come git dese clothes.
Good Black, yo' wife kin cold whoop for what she want.
Yeah and if she don't git, she keep right on whoopin'. B'lieve
I wants a drink of water. Wisht I knowed where I could slip
up on me a drink.
Aw man, come on back here and move. Yo' doin' everythin' but playin'
checkers. You'd ruther move a mountain wid a pry bar than to move
Lemme hurry up and beat dis game befo' yo' bust yo' britches.
(He wags his finger to indicate moves,
scratches his head, but doesn't move.
Several men enter and group around the
players. All offer suggestions. One
says, "you got him Cliffert. He's
locked up just as tight as a keyhole".
Another: "Aw, man he kin break out!"
Another: "Yeah, but it'll cost him
plenty to git out of dat trap".)
Police! Police! He won't move!
Aw, leave go de checkers and less shoot some crap.
(Enter a WOMAN in a house dress, head
rag on, run down house shoes. She goes
to the edge of the porch and calls
Him there Bertha, what yo' doin'.
Still bumpin' de white folks clothes--hittin' for de sundown man. Come
on in and have some sit down.
Ain't got time. Got a house full of company. I took a minute to see if
yo' could let me have a little skeeting garret.
How come yo' didn't git yo'self some snuff whilst yo' was at de store?
De man ast yo' what else. I ain't no Piggly Wiggly. Reckon I kin spare
yo' a dip tho.
(She hands out the box and the outside
woman fills her lip and hands it back)
Much obliged, I thank yo'. Reckon I better heel and toe it on back, to
see how de comp'ny is makin' out.
Step inside a minute I want to put a bug in yo' ear.
(She makes an urgent gesture and the
other woman goes inside)
(Lonnie is sitting off to himself and
picking "Rabbit on de Log" softly. A
small BOY dashes on with a lolly pop
in his hand. He is licking it and
laughing. He is pursued by a little
GIRL yelling "you gimme my all day
sucker! Johnny! You gimme my candy,
now!" They run all over the stage. The
men take notice of them and one of
them seizes the boy and restores the
candy to the girl. She pokes out her
tongue at the boy and says "goody,
goody, goody, goody, goody!" She notes
the guitar playing and begins to
dance. The boy makes faces back at her
and dances back at her. The music gets
louder, dancing faster, check board
gets upset. General laughter at that.
When dance is over, boy snatches the
lolly pop again and races away and the
girl runs behind him yelling "Johnny!
You gimme my candy! Johnny!" The music
stops and the crap game gets under
way. Furious side bets for 5 and 10
cents each. Loud calls on Miss "Daisy
Dice", snake eyes, "Ada from Decatur".
Somebody suggests a soft roll, others
object on the ground that it's too
easy for the experts to cheat)
Gimme de dice! I'm gointer play 'em like John Henry.
John Henry didn't bother wid de bones. He used to play Georgy Skin.
He shot crap too. He played everythin' and everythin' he played, he
played it good. Just like he uster drive steel. If I could whip steel
like John Henry, I wouldn't stay here and nowhere else.
Whut would yo' do?
I'd go somewhere and keep books for somebody.
I know how to play John Henry.
Well, turn it on and let de bad luck happen.
(As Lonnie plays thru a verse warming
up, all the men get interested and
start to hum. Cliffert shouts out)
Lawd, Lawd, what evil have I done)
(They sing John Henry. At the close,
the woman who came to borrow snuff
emerges from the house still talking
back at the woman inside)
He ain't no trouble. I tole him, I says, "yo' must think youse de man
dat made side meat taste lak ham." See yo' later.
(She exits hurriedly. The crap game
goes on until a band is heard
Nobody. Don't you know de Imperial Elks is goin' to New York to de Elks
Grand Lodge? Yeah, bo, and they's takin' they band. Dat's supposed to be
de _finest_ band in de United States.
(The band approaches followed by a
great crow. The crap game is instantly
deserted and all follow the band)
***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THREE PLAYS***
******* This file should be named 17187.txt or 17187.zip *******
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.
Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.net),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.
- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.
- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.gutenberg.net/fundraising/pglaf.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
email@example.com. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://www.gutenberg.net/about/contact
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://www.gutenberg.net/fundraising/donate
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
donations. To donate, please visit:
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.