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THROUGH    THE    LOOKING-GLASS. 


AND    WHAT  ALICE  FOUND    THERE. 


DRAMATIS  PERSONS. 


(As  arranged  before  commencement  of  game.) 


White. 

pieces.  tawns. 

Tweedledee  :  Daisy. 

Unicorn      ......  Haigha. 

Sheep Oyster. 

W.  Queen "Lily." 

AVT.  King Fawn. 

Aged  man Oyster. 

W.  Knight Hatta. 

Tweedledum Daisy. 


Red. 


PAWNS. 

PIECES. 

Daisy    .     . 

.  Humpty  Dumpty 

Messenger 

.  Carpenter. 

Oyster .     . 

.   Walrus. 

Tiger-lily  . 

.  R.  Queen. 

Rose    .     . 

.  R.  King. 

Oyster . 

.   Crow. 

Frog     .     . 

.  R.  Knight. 

Daisy  . 

.   Lion. 

RED. 


//Aw/A'9mW'/AW 


W  H  I  T  E. 


White  Paivn  {Alice)  to  play,  and  win  in  eleven  moves. 


vxc.v 

1.  Alice  meets  E.  Q.       .     .     35 

2.  Alice  through  Q.'s  3d  (by 

railway)      ....     48 
to  Q.'s  4th  (Tweedledum 
and  Tweedledee)  .     .     54 

3.  Alice  meets  W.  Q.  (with 

shawl) 91 

4.  Alice  to  Q.'s  5th  (slwp, 

river,  shop)     .     .     .     .101 

5.  Alice  to  Q.'s  6th  (Humpty 

Dumpty) 112 

6.  Alice  to  Q.'s  7th  (forest)  155 

7.  W.  Kt.  takes  R.  Kt,  .     .  161 

8.  Alice  to  Q.'s  8th  (coro- 

nation)       183 

9.  Alice  becomes  Queen      .  196 

10.  Alice  castles  (feast)  .     .  204 

11.  Alice  takes  R.Q.  &  wins  215   i 


1.  R.Q.  toK.R.'s4th 


PAOR 

45 


2.  W.  Q.  to  Q.  B.'s  4th  (after 

shawl) 91 


'3.  W.  Q.  to  Q.  B.'s  5th  (6c- 
comes  sheej))   .... 

4.  W.  Q.  to  K.  B.'s  8th 

(leaves  egg  on  shelf)     . 

5.  W.  Q.  to  Q.  B.'s  8th  (fly- 

ing from  R.  Kt.) 

6.  R.  Kt.  to  K.'s  2nd  (ok) 

7.  W.  Kt,  to  K.  B.'s  5  th      . 

8.  R.  Q.  to  K.'s  sq.  (exami- 

nation)       186 

9.  Queens  castle    .     .     .     .199 
10.  W.Q.  to  Q.R.'s  6th  (soup)  211 


100 

111 

149 
158 

182 


THROUGH  THE  LOOKING-GLASS, 


AND  WHAT   ALICE   FOUND  THERE. 


BY 

LEWIS    CARROLL, 

AUTHOR  OF  "ALICE'S  ADVENTURES  IN  WONDERLAND." 


WITH    FIFTY    ILLUSTRATIONS 
BY   JOHN    TENNIEL. 


JToninw : 
MACMILLAN  AND   CO. 

1872. 

[The  Rigid  of  Translation  and  Meproduction  is  reserved.] 


Child  of  the  pure  unclouded  brow 
And  dreaming  eyes  of  wonder  ! 

Though  time  he  fleet,  and  I  and  thou 
Are  half  a  life  asunder, 

Thy  loving  smile  will  surely  hail 

The  love-gift  of  a  fairy-tale. 


I  have  not  seen  thy  sunny  face, 
Nor  heard  thy  silver  laughter; 

No  thought  of  me  shall  find  a  place 
In  thy  young  life's  hereafter 

Enough  that  now  thou  wilt  not  fail 

To  listen  to  my  fairy-tale. 


A  tale  begun  in  other  days, 

When  summer  suns  were  glowing 

A  simple  chime,  that  served  to  time 

The  rhythm  of  our  rowing 

Whose  echoes  live  in  memory  yet, 
Though  envious  years  would  say   '  forget. 


Come,  hearken  then,  ere  voice  of  dread, 

With  hitter  tidings  laden, 
Shall  summon  to  unwelcome  bed 

A  melancholy  maiden ! 
We  are  but  older  children,  dear, 
Who  fret  to  find  our  bedtime  near. 


Without,  the  frost,  the  blinding  snow. 
The  storm-wind's  moody  madness 

Within,  the  firelight's  ruddy  glow, 
And  childhood's  nest  of  gladness. 

The  magic  words  shall  hold  thee  fast : 

Thou  shalt  not  heed  the  raving  blast. 


And  though  the  shadow  of  a  sigh 
May  treinble  through  the  story, 

For  '  happy  summer  days  '  gone  by, 
And  vanish'd  summer  glory 

It  shall  not  touch  with  breath  of  bale 

The  pleasance  of  our  fairy-tale. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

I.       LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE 1 

11.      THE   GARDEN   OF   LIVE    FLOWERS .  26 

III.  LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS 46 

IV.  TWEEDLEDUM   AND   TWEEDLEDEE         .       .     ' 66 

V.      WOOL   AND   WATER 91 

VI.      HUMPTY   DUMPTY 113 

VII.      THE    LION   AND    THE    UNICORN 137 

VIII.       "IT'S   MY   OWN    INVENTION          157 

IX.      QUEEN   ALICE 185 

X.      SHAKING 215 

XI.      WAKING     .             216 

XII.       WHICH    DREAMED    IT? 218 


/P/1A^/^^V\\'VX^C^ 


CHAPTER   1. 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


ONE   thing   was    certain,   that   the    white   kitten 

had   had   nothing  to    do    with    it : it  was  the 

black  kitten's  fault  entirely.  For  the  white  kitten 
had  been  having  its  face  washed  by  the  old 
cat  for  the  last  quarter  of  an  hour  (and  bearing 
it  pretty  well,  considering) ;  so  you  see  that  it 
couldn't  have  had  any  hand  in  the  mischief. 

/  B 


2  LOOKINU-GLASS   HOUSE. 

The  way  Dinah  washed  her  children's  faces 
was  this :  first  she  held  the  poor  thing  down 
by  its  ear  with  one  paw,  and  then  with  the 
other  paw  she  rubbed  its  face  all  over,  the 
wrong  way,  beginning  at  the  nose :  and  just 
now,  as  I  said,  she  was  hard  at  work  on  the 
white    kitten,    which   was   lying    quite    still    and 

trying  to  purr no    doubt   feeling   that   it   was 

all    meant    for    its    good. 

But  the  black  kitten  had  been  finished  with 
earlier  in  the  afternoon,  and  so,  while  Alice  was 
sitting  curled  up  in  a  corner  of  the  great  arm- 
chair, half  talking  to  herself  and  half  asleep, 
the  kitten  had  been  having  a  grand  game  of 
romps  with  the  ball  of  worsted  Alice  had  been 
trying  to  wind  up,  and  had  been  rolling  it 
up  and  down  till  it  had  all  come  undone  again; 
and  there  it  was,  spread  over  the  hearth-rug, 
all  knots  and  tangles,  with  the  kitten  running 
after    its   own    tail    in    the    middle. 

"Oh,  you  wicked  wicked  little  thing!"  cried 
Alice,    catching   up   the   kitten,    and   giving   it    a 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE.  3 

little  kiss  to  make  it  understand  that  it  was  in 
disgrace.  "  Really,  Dinah  ought  to  have  taught 
you  better  manners  !  You  ought,  Dinah,  you 
know  you  ought ! "  she  added,  looking  reproach- 
fully  at    the    old   cat,    and   speaking   in   as   cross 

a    voice    as   she   could   manage— and   then    she 

scrambled  back  into  the  arm-chair,  taking  the 
kitten  and  the  worsted  with  her,  and  began 
winding  up  the  ball  again.  But  she  didn't  get 
on  very  fast,  as  she  was  talking  all  the  time, 
sometimes  to  the  kitten,  and  sometimes  to  herself. 
Kitty  sat  very  demurely  on  her  knee,  pretending 
to  watch  the  progress  of  the  winding,  and  now 
and  then  putting  out  one  paw  and  gently  touching 
the  ball,  as  if  it  would  be  glad  to  help  if  it  might. 
"  Do  you  know  what  to-morrow  is,  Kitty  ? " 
Alice     began.      "  You'd    have    guessed    if    you'd 

been  up  in  the  window    with  me -only  Dinah 

was  making  you  tidy,  so  you  couldn't.  I  was 
watching  the  boys  getting  in  sticks  for  the  bon- 
fire  and    it    wants    plenty    of    sticks,    Kitty  ! 

Only   it    got    so    cold,    and    it   snowed    so,    they 

B  2 


4  LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 

had  to  leave  off.  Never  mind,  Kitty,  we'll  go 
and  see  the  bonfire  to-morrow."  Here  Alice 
wound  two  or  three  turns  of  the  worsted 
round  the  kitten's  neck,  just  to  see  how  it 
would  look :  this  led  to  a  scramble,  in  which 
the  ball  rolled  down  upon  the  floor,  and  yards 
and    yards    of  it   got   unwound   again. 

"  Do  you  know,  I  was  so  angry,  Kitty,"  Alice 
went  on,  as  soon  as  they  were  comfortably 
settled  again,  "when  I  saw  all  the  mischief  you 
had  been  doing,  I  was  very  nearly  opening  the 
window,  and  putting  you  out  into  the  snow! 
And  you'd  have  deserved  it,  you  little  mis- 
chievous darling !  What  have  you  got  to  say 
for  yourself  I  Now  don't  interrupt  me ! "  she 
went  on,  holding  up  one  finger.  "I'm  going 
to  tell  you  all  your  faults.  Number  one :  you 
squeaked  twice  while  Dinah  was  washing  your 
face  this  morning.  Now  you  can't  deny  it, 
Kitty :  I  heard  you  !  What's  that  you  say  ? " 
(pretending  that  the  kitten  was  speaking.)  "Her 
paw    went    into    your    eye  ?      Well,    that's    your 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


fault,  for  keeping  your  eyes  open — if  you'd  shut 
them,  tight  up,  it  wouldn't  have  happened.  Now 
don't  make  any  more  excuses,  but  listen !     Num- 


6  LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 

ber  two :  you  pulled  Snowdrop  away  by  the 
tail  just  as  I  had  put  down  the  saucer  of  milk 
before  her !  What,  you  were  thirsty,  were  you  ? 
How  do  you  know  she  wasn't  thirsty  too  % 
Now  for  number  three :  you  unwound  every 
bit  of  the  worsted  while  I  wasn't  looking ! 

"That's  three  faults,  Kitty,  and  you've  not 
been  punished  for  any  of  them  yet.  You  know 
I'm  saving  up  all  your  punishments  for  Wednes- 
day   week Suppose    they    had    saved    up   all 

my  punishments ! "  she  went  on,  talking  more 
to  herself  than  the  kitten.  "What  would  they 
do  at  the  end  of  a  year?  I  should  be  sent 
to     prison,    I     suppose,    when    the     day     came. 

Or let    me   see suppose    each    punishment 

was  to  be  going  without  a  dinner :  then,  when 
the  miserable  day  came,  I  should  have  to  go 
without  fifty  dinners  at  once !  Well,  I  shouldn't 
mind  that  much !  I'd  far  rather  go  without 
them    than   eat  them  ! 

"  Do  you  hear  the  snow  against  the  window- 
panes,    Kitty  1      How   nice   and    soft    it    sounds ! 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE.  7 

Just  as  if  some  one  was  kissing  the  window  all 
over  outside.  I  wonder  if  the  snow  loves  the 
trees  and  fields,  that  it  kisses  them  so  gently  1 
And  then  it  covers  them  up  snug,  you  know, 
with  a  white  quilt ;  and  perhaps  it  says,  '  Go  to 
sleep,  darlings,  till  the  summer  comes  again.' 
And  when  they  wake  up  in  the  summer,  Kitty, 
they   dress   themselves    all    in    green,    and    dance 

about whenever     the     wind     blows oh, 

that's  very  pretty ! "  cried  Alice,  dropping  the 
ball  of  worsted  to  clap  her  hands.  "And  I 
do  so  wish  it  was  true !  I  'm  sure  the  woods 
look  sleepy  in  the  autumn,  when  the  leaves 
are    getting  brown. 

"  Kitty,  can  you  play  chess  1  Now,  don't  smile, 
my  dear,  I'm  asking  it  seriously.  Because,  when 
we  were  playing  just  now,  you  watched  just  as 
if  you  understood  it:  and- when  I  said  ''Check!' 
you  purred !  Well,  it  was  a  nice  check,  Kitty, 
and  really  I  might  have  won,  if  it  hadn't  been 
for  that  nasty  Knight,  that  came  wriggling  down 
among  my  pieces.     Kitty,  dear,  let's  pretend " 


8  LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 

And  here  I  wish  I  could  tell  you  half  the 
things  Alice  used  to  say,  beginning  with  her 
favourite  phrase  "  Let's  pretend.'"'  She  had  had 
quite  a  long  argument  with  her  sister  only  the 
day  before — all  because  Alice  had  begun  with 
"Let's  pretend  we're  kings  and  queens:"  and  her 
sister,  who  liked  being  very  exact,  had  argued 
that  they  couldn't,  because  there  were  only  two 
of  them,  and  Alice  had  been  reduced  at  last  to 
say,  "Well,  you  can  be  one  of  them  then,  and 
I'll  be  all  the  rest."  And  once  she  had  really 
frightened  her  old  nurse  by  shouting  suddenly 
in  her  ear,  "Nurse!  Do  let's  pretend  that  I'm 
a  hungry  hyaena,  and  you're  a  bone  ! " 

But  this  is  taking  us  away  from  Alice's 
speech  to  the  kitten.  "Let's  pretend  that  you're 
the  Red  Queen,  Kitty!  Do  you  know,  I  think  if 
you  sat  up  and  folded  your  arms,  you'd  look 
exactly  like  her.  Now  do  try,  there's  a  dear!" 
And  Alice  got  the  Red  Queen  off  the  table,  and 
set  it  up  before  the  kitten  as  a  model  for  it  to 
imitate  :    however,  the  thing  didn't  succeed,  prin- 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE.  9 

cipally,  Alice  said,  because  the  kitten  wouldn't 
fold  its  arms  properly.  So,  to  punish  it,  she  held 
it  up  to  the  Looking-glass,  that  it  might  see  how 

sulky  it  was "  and  if  you're  not  good  directly," 

she  added,  "I'll  put  you  through  into  Looking- 
glass  House.      How  would  you  like  that  ? 

"Now,  if  you'll  only  attend,  Kitty,  and  not 
talk  so  much,.  I'll  tell  you  all  my  ideas  about 
Looking-glass  House.     First,  there's  the  room  you 

can  see  through  the  glass that's  just  the  same 

as  our  drawing-room,  only  the  things  go  the 
other  way.  I  can  see  all  of  it  when  I  get  upon 
a  chair— — all  but  the  bit  just  behind  the  fire- 
place. Oh !  I  do  so  wish  I  could  see  that  bit ! 
I  want  so  much  to  know  whether  they've  a 
fire  in  the  winter :  you  never  can  tell,  you 
know,  unless  our  fire  smokes,  and  then  smoke 
comes  up  in  that  room  too  but  that  may  be 
only  pretence,  just  to  make  it  look  as  if  they 
had  a  fire.  Well  then,  the  books  are  something 
like  our  books,  only  the  words  go  the  wrong 
way ;    I  know  that,  because    I've  held  up  one  of 


10  LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 

our  books  to  the  glass,  and  then  they  hold  tip 
one   in   the  other  room. 

"  How  would  you  like  to  live  in  Looking- 
glass  House,  Kitty  ?  I  wonder  if  they'd  give 
you  milk  in  there  %    Perhaps  Looking-glass  milk 

isn't  good  to  drink But   oh,   Kitty  !    now   we 

come  to  the  passage.  You  can  just  see  a  little 
peep  of  the  passage  in  Looking-glass  House,  if 
vou  leave  the  door  of  our  drawing-room  wide 
open  :  and  it 's  very  like  our  passage  as  far  as 
you  can  see,  only  you  know  it  may  be  quite 
different  on  beyond.  Oh,  Kitty !  how  nice  it 
would  be  if  we  could  only  get  through  into 
Looking-glass  House !  I  'm  sure  it 's  got,  oh ! 
such  beautiful  things  in  it !  Let 's  pretend  there 's 
a  way  of  getting  through  into  it,  somehow, 
Kitty .  Let 's  pretend  the  glass  has  got  all  soft 
like  gauze,  so  that  we  can  get  through.  Why, 
it 's  turning  into  a  sort  of  mist  now,   I  declare ! 

It'll   be  easy   enough  to   get    through "     She 

was  up  on  the  chimney-piece  while  she  said 
this,   though    she  hardly   knew  how    she  had    got 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


11 


MlJ]l!j|ilfllOJ!,ii!!i 


there.      And  certainly    the   glass   was    beginning 
to  melt  away,  just  like  a  bright  silvery  mist. 
In   another    moment   Alice   was    through    the 


12 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


glass,  and  had  jumped  lightly  down  into  the 
Looking-glass  room.  The  very  first  thing  she  did 
was   to    look   whether   there   was   a    fire    in    the 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE.  13 

fireplace,  and  she  was  quite  pleased  to  find  that 
there  was  a  real  one,  blazing  away  as  brightly 
as  the  one  she  had  left  behind.  "So  I  shall  be 
as  warm  here  as  I  was  in  the  old  room/'  thought 
Alice:  "warmer,  in  fact,  because  there '11  be  no 
one  here  to  scold  me  away  from  the  fire.  Oh, 
what  fun  it'll  be,  when  they  see  me  through 
the   glass  in  here,   and  can't  get  at  me  ! " 

Then  she  began  looking  about,  and  noticed 
that  what  could  be  seen  from  the  old  room 
was  quite  common  and  uninteresting,  but  that 
all  the  rest  was  as  different  as  possible.  For 
instance,  the  pictures  on  the  wall  next  the  fire 
seemed  to  be  all  alive,  and  the  very  clock  on 
the  chimney-piece  (you  know  you  can  only  see 
the  back  of  it  in  the  Looking-glass)  had  got 
the  face  of  a  little  old  man,  and  grinned  at  her. 

"  They  don't  keep  this  room  so  tidy  as  the 
other,"  Alice  thought  to  herself,  as  she  noticed 
several  of  the  chessmen  down  in  the  hearth 
among  the  cinders :  but  in  another  moment,  with 
a  little  "  Oh ! "  of  surprise,  she  was  down  on  her 


14 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


hands  and  knees  watching   them.     The   chessmen 
were  walking  about,   two  and  two  ! 

"  Here  are  the  Red  King  and  the  Red 
Queen,"  Alice  said  (in  a  whisper,  for  fear  of 
frightening  them),  "and  there  are  the  White 
King  and  the  White  Queen  sitting  on  the  edge 
of  the  shovel and  here  are  two  Castles  walk- 
ing   arm     in    arm 1    don't     think     they    can 

hear  me,"    she    went   on,    as    she   put    her   head 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE.  15 


closer  down,  "and  I'm  nearly  sure  they  can't 
see  me.  I  feel  somehow  as  if  I  were  in- 
visible   " 

Here  something  began  squeaking  on  the  table 
behind  Alice,  and  made  her  turn  her  head  just 
in  time  to  see  one  of  the  White  Pawns  roll 
over  and  begin  kicking :  she  watched  it  with 
great  curiosity  to  see  what  would  happen  next. 

"  [t  is  the  voice  of  my  child  ! "  the  White 
Queen  cried  out,  as  she  rushed  past  the  King, 
so  violently  that  she  knocked  him  over  among 
the  cinders.  "  My  precious  Lily  !  My  imperial 
kitten  !  "  and  she  began  scrambling  wildly  up 
the  side  of  the  fender. 

"  Imperial  fiddlestick ! "  said  the  King,  rub- 
bing his  nose,  which  had  been  hurt  by  the  fall. 
He  had  a  right  to  be  a  little  annoyed  with 
the  Queen,  for  he  was  covered  with  ashes  from 
head  to  foot. 

.  Alice  was  very  anxious  to  be  of  use,  and, 
as  the  poor  little  Lily  was  nearly  screaming  her- 
self into  a  fit,  she   hastily  picked  up   the  Queen 


16  LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 

and  set  her  on  the  table  by  the  side  of  her 
noisy  little   daughter. 

The  Queen  gasped,  and  sat  down :  the  rapid 
journey  through  the  air  had  quite  taken  away 
her  breath,  and  for  a  minute  or  two  she  could 
do  nothing  but  hug  the  little  Lily  in  silence. 
As  soon  as  she  had  recovered  her  breath  a  little, 
she  called  out  to  the  White  King,  who  was  sitting 
sulkily  among  the  ashes,   "  Mind  the  volcano  !  " 

"  What  volcano  ? "  said  the  King,  looking  up 
anxiously  into  the  fire,  as  if  he  thought  that 
was  the  most  likely  place  to  find  one. 

"  Blew me up,"  panted  the  Queen,  who 

was  still  a  little  out  of  breath.  "Mind  you  come 
up the  regular  way don't  get  blown  up  !" 

Alice  watched  the  White  King  as  he  slowly 
struggled  up  from  bar  to  bar,  till  at  last  she 
said,  "Why,  you'll  be  hours  and  hours  getting 
to  the  table,  at  that  rate.  I'd  far  better  help 
you,  hadn't  I  \ "  But  the  King  took  no  notice 
of  the  question :  it  was  quite  clear  that  he  could 
neither  hear  her  nor  see  her. 


LOOKING  GLASS    HOUSE. 


17 


So  Alice  picked  him  up  very  gently,  and 
lifted  him  across  more  slowly  than  she  had  lifted 
the  Queen,  that  she  mightn't  take  his  breath 
away :  but,  before  she  put  him  on  the  table,  she 
thought  she  might  as  well  dust  him  a  little, 
he   was   so   covered  with   ashes. 

She  said  afterwards  that  she  had  never  seen 
in  all  her  life  such  a  face  as  the  King  made, 
when   he   found   himself    held   in  the   air    by   an 

c 


18  LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 

invisible  hand,  and  being  dusted :  lie  was  far  too 
much  astonished  to  cry  out,  but  his  eyes  and 
his  mouth  went  on  getting  larger  and  larger, 
and  rounder  and  rounder,  till  her  hand  shook 
so  with  laughing  that  she  nearly  let  him  drop 
upon  the  floor. 

"  Oh !  please  don't  make  such  faces,  my  dear ! " 
she  cried  out,  quite  forgetting  that  the  King 
couldn't  hear  her.  "  You  make  me  laugh  so 
that  I  can  hardly  hold  you !  And  don't  keep 
your   mouth   so  wide    open !     All   the   ashes   will 

get   into    it there,     now    I    think   you're    tidy 

enough ! "  she  added,  as  she  smoothed  his  hair, 
and  set  him  upon  the  table  near  the  Queen. 

The  King  immediately  fell  flat  on  his  back, 
and  lay  perfectly  still:  and  Alice  was  a  little 
alarmed  at  what  she  had  done,  and  went  round 
the  room  to  see  if  she  could  find  any  water  to 
throw  over  him.  However,  she  could  find 
nothing  but  a  bottle  of  ink,  and  when  she  got 
back  with  it  she  found  he  had  recovered,  and. 
he   and    the    Queen   were   talking   together    in    a 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE.  19 

frightened  whisper — —so  low,  that  Alice  could 
hardly  hear  what  they  said. 

The  King  was  saying,  "  I  assure  you,  my 
dear,  I  turned  cold  to  the  very  ends  of  my 
whiskers  ! " 

To  which  the  Queen  replied,  "  You  haven't 
got   any  whiskers." 

"The  horror  of  that  moment,"  the  King  went 
on,   "I  shall  never,  never  forget ! " 

"You  will,  though,"  the  Queen  said,  "if  you 
don't  make  a  memorandum  of  it." 

Alice  looked  on  with  great  interest  as  the 
King  took  an  enormous  memorandum-book  out 
of  his  pocket,  and  began  writing.  A  sudden 
thought  struck  her,  and  she  took  hold  of  the 
end  of  the  pencil,  which  came  some  way  over 
his    shoulder,    and   began    writing    for   him. 

The  poor  King  looked  puzzled  and  unhappy, 
and  struggled  with  the  pencil  for  some  time 
without  saying  anything;  but  Alice  was  too 
strong  for  him,  and  at  last  he  panted  out,  "  My 
dear !   I  really  must  get  a  thinner  pencil.     I  can't 

C  2 


20 


LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 


manage    this   one    a   bit ;    it    writes    all    manner 

of  things  that  I  don't  intend " 

"  What   manner  of  things  ? "   said   the  Queen, 
looking  over  the   book   (in  which   Alice  had  put 

'  The  White  Knight 
is  sliding  doum  the 
poker.  He  balances 
very  badly').  "That's 
not  a  memorandum 
of  your  feelings ! " 

There  was  a  book 
lying  near  Alice  on 
the  table,  and.  while 
she  sat  watching 
the  White  King  (for 
she  was  still  a  little 
anxious  about  him, 
and  had  the  ink  all  ready  to  throw  over 
him,  in  case  he  fainted  again),  she  turned  over 
the  leaves,  to  find  some  part  that  she  could 
read,  " — for  it's  all  in  some  language  I  don't 
know,"  she  said  to  herself. 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE.  21 

It  was  like  this, 

\&<S»w  &fa  wV  aW«vV^  bwo  yr^\>  SwCL 


She  puzzled  over  this  for  some  time,  but 
at  last  a  bright  thought  struck  her.  "  Why, 
it's  a  Looking-glass  book,  of  course !  And  if 
I  hold  it  up  to  a  glass,  the  words  will  all  go 
the  right  way  again." 

This  was  the  poem  that  Alice  read. 


JABBERWOCKY. 

*Twas  Irillig,  and  the  slithy  toves 

Did  gyre  and  gimhle  in  the  wade; 
All  mimsy  were  the  borogoves, 

And  the  mome  raths  outgrabe 


22  LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 

"  Beware  the  Jabberwock,  my  son ! 

The  jaws  that  bite,  the  claws  that  catch  ! 
Beware  the  Jubjub  bird,  and  shun 
The  frumious  Bandersnatch  /" 


He  took  his  vorpal  sword  in  hand: 

Long  time  the  manxome  foe  he  sought — 
So  rested  he  by  the  Tumtum  tree, 
And  stood  awhile  in  thought. 


And  as  in  ufflsh  thought  he  stood, 

The  Jabberwock,  with  eyes  of  flame, 
Came  whiffling  through  the  tulgey  wood, 
And  burbled  as  it  tame  ! 


One,  two  !    One,  two  !    And  through  and  through 

The  vorpal  blade  went  snicker-snack  ! 
He  left  it  dead,  and  with  its  head 
He  went  galumphing  back. 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE. 


24  LOOKING-GLASS   HOUSE. 

"  And  hast  thou  slain  the  JabbervjocJc  ? 
Come  to  my  arms,  my  beamish  boy  ! 
0  frabjous  day!   Gallooh!    Callay!" 
He  chortled  in  his  joy. 


'Twas  brillig,  and  the  slithy  toves 

Did  gyre  and  gimble  in  the  wabe; 
All  mimsy  were  the  borogoves, 

And  the  mome  raths  outgrabe. 


"It  seems  very  pretty/'  she  said  when  she 
had  finished  it,  "  but  it's  rather  hard  to  under- 
stand ! "  (You  see  she  didn't  like  to  confess,  even 
to  herself,  that  she  couldn't  make  it  out  at  all.) 
"Somehow  it   seems   to  fill   my   head  with  ideas 

only  I   don't    exactly  know   what  they   are ! 

However,  somebody  killed  something:  that's  clear, 
at  any  rate " 

"  But  oh  !  "  thought  Alice,  suddenly  jumping 
up,    "if    I    don't    make    hastj   I   shall    have    to 


LOOKING-GLASS    HOUSE.  25 

go  back  through  the  Looking-glass,  before  I've 
seen  what  the  rest  of  the  house  is  like !  Let's 
have  a  look  at  the  garden  first ! "  She  was  out 
of  the   room   in  a  moment,   and  ran  down  stairs 

or,   at   least,    it   wasn't   exactly  running,  but 

a  new  invention  for  getting  down  stairs  quickly 
and  easily,  as  Alice  said  to  herself.  She  just 
kept  the  tips  of  her  fingers  on  the  hand-rail, 
and  floated  gently  down  without  even  touching 
the  stairs  with  her  feet ;  then  she  floated  on 
through  the  hall,  and  would  have  gone  straight 
out  at  the  door  in  the  same  way,  if  she  hadn't 
caught  hold  of  the  door-post.  She  was  getting 
a  little  giddy  with  so  much  floating  in  the  air, 
and  was  rather  glad  to  find  herself  walking 
again  in  the  natural  way. 


CHAPTER   II. 

THE    GARDEN    OF    LIVE    FLOWERS. 

"  I  should  see  the  garden  far  better,"  said 
Alice  to  herself,  "if  I  could  get  to  the  top  of 
that  hill :    and  here's   a  path  that   leads   straight 

to    it at    least,    no,    it    doesn't    do   that " 

(after  going  a  few  yards  along  the  path,  and 
turning  several  sharp  corners),  "but  I  suppose 
it  will  at  last.  But  how  curiously  it  twists ! 
It 's  more  like  a  corkscrew   than  a   path !     "Well, 

this    turn    goes  to   the   hill,    I   suppose no,  it 

doesn't !  This  goes  straight  back  to  the  house  ! 
Well  then,  I'll  try  it  the  other  way." 

And   so    she    did :    wandering   up   and   down, 


GARDEN    OF    LIVE    FLOWERS.  27 

and  trying  turn  after  turn,  but  always  coming 
back  to  the  house,  do  what  she  would.  Indeed, 
once,  when  she  turned  a  corner  rather  more 
quickly  than  usual,  she  ran  against  it  before 
she  could  stop  herself. 

"It's  no  use  talking  about  it,"  Alice  said, 
looking  up  at  the  house  and  pretending  it  was 
arguing  with  her.  "I'm  not  going  in  again 
yet.  I  know  I  should  have  to  get  through  the 
Looking-glass  again — back  into  the  old  room — 
and  there 'd  be  an  end  of  all  my  adventures  ! " 

So,  resolutely  turning  her  back  upon  the 
house,  she  set  out  once  more  down  the  path, 
determined  to  keep  straight  on  till  she  got  to 
the  hill.  For  a  few  minutes  all  went  on  well, 
and  she   was  just   saying,   "  I   really  shall   do   it 

this   time "    when    the    path    gave    a    sudden 

twist  and  shook  itself  (as  she  described  it  after- 
wards), and  the  next  moment  she  found  herself 
actually  walking  in  at  the  door. 

"  Oh,  it 's  too  bad !  "  she  cried.  "  I  never  saw 
such  a  house  for  getting  in  the  way !     Never!" 


28  THE   GARDEN   OP 

However,  there  was  the  hill  full  in  sight, 
so  there  was  nothing  to  be  done  but  start 
again.  This  time  she  came  upon  a  large  flower- 
bed, with  a  border  of  daisies,  and  a  willow-tree 
growing  in  the  middle. 

"  0  Tiger-lily,"  said  Alice,  addressing  her- 
self to  one  that  was  waving  gracefully  about 
in   the   wind,  "  I    wish   you    could   talk ! " 

"  We  can  talk,"  said  the  Tiger-lily :  "  when 
there's    anybody   worth    talking    to." 

Alice  was  so  astonished  that  she  couldn't 
speak  for  a  minute :  it  quite  seemed  to  take 
her  breath  away.  At  length,  as  the  Tiger-lily 
only  went  on  waving  about,  she  spoke  again, 
in  a  timid  voice — almost  in  a  whisper.  "And 
can  all  the  flowers  talk  ? " 

"  As  well  as  you  can,"  said  the  Tiger-lily. 
"  And  a  great  deal  louder." 

"It  isn't  manners  for  us  to  begin,  you 
know,"  said  the  Eose,  "and  I  really  was  won- 
dering when  you'd  speak !  Said  I  to  myself, 
'Her    face   has    got    some    sense    in   it,    though 


LIVE   FLOWERS.  29 

it's  not  a  clever  one!' 
Still,  you're  the  right 
colour,  and  that  goes 
a  long  way." 


'I   don't   care   about   the   colour,"   the  Tiger- 
lily  remarked.     "If  only  her  petals  curled  up   a 


little   more,  she'd  be  all  right 


30  THE    GARDEN   OF 

Alice  didn't  like  being  criticised,  so  she 
began  asking  questions.  "  Aren't  you  sometimes 
frightened  at  being  planted  out  here,  with  no- 
body to  take  care  of  you  1 " 

"  There's  the  tree  in  the  middle,"  said  the 
Eose  :    "  what  else  is  it  good  for  ?  " 

"  But  what  could  it  do,  if  any  danger 
came  ? "   Alice  asked. 

"It  could  bark,"  said  the  Rose. 

"  It  says  '  Bough-wough  ! ' "  cried  a  Daisy  : 
"  that 's  why  its  branches  are  called  boughs  ! " 

"  Didn't  you  know  that  ? "  cried  another 
Daisy,  and  here  they  all  began  shouting  together, 
till  the  air  seemed  quite  full  of  little  shrill 
voices.  "  Silence,  every  one  of  you ! "  cried 
the  Tiger-lily,  waving  itself  passionately  from 
side  to  side,  and  trembling  with  excitement. 
"They  know  I  can't  get  at  them !  "  it  panted, 
bending  its  quivering  head  towards  Alice,  "or 
they  wouldn't  dare  to  do  it ! " 

"Never  mind!"  Alice  said  in  a  soothing 
tone,    and    stooping    down    to    the    daisies,    who 


LIVE    FLOWERS.  31 

were  just  beginning  again,  she  whispered,  "If 
you  don't  hold  your  tongues,   I'll  pick  you  !  " 

There  was  silence  in  a  moment,  and  several 
of  the  pink  daisies  turned  white. 

"That's  right!"  said  the  Tiger-lily.  "The 
daisies  are  worst  of  all.  When  one  speaks,  they 
all  begin  together,  and  it's  enough  to  make 
one   wither   to    hear   the   way   they   go   on ! " 

"  How  is  it  you  can  all  talk  so  nicely  ? " 
Alice  said,  hoping  to  get  it  into  a  better  temper 
by  a  compliment.  "  I've  been  in  many  gardens 
before,  but  none  of  the   flowers  could  talk." 

"Put  your  hand  down,  and  feel  the  ground," 
said  the  Tiger-lily.     "  Then  you  '11  know  why." 

Alice  did  so.  "It's  very  hard,"  she  said, 
"but  I  don't  see  what  that  has  to  do  with  it." 

"In  most  gardens,"  the  Tiger-lily  said,  "they 
make  the  beds  too  soft — so  that  the  flowers 
are    always   asleep." 

This  sounded  a  very  good  reason,  and  Alice 
was  quite  pleased  to  know  it.  "  I  never  thought 
of  that  before  ! "  she  said. 


32  THE   GARDEN   OF 

"  It's  my  opinion  that  you  never  think  at 
all"  the  Eose  said    in  a  rather  severe  tone. 

.  "I  never  saw  anybody  that  looked  stupider," 
a  Violet  said,  so  suddenly,  that  Alice  quite 
jumped ;    for    it    hadn't    spoken    before. 

"  Hold  your  tongue !  "  cried  the  Tiger-lily. 
"As  if  you  ever  saw  anybody !  You  keep  your 
head  under  the  leaves,  and  snore  away  there, 
till  you  know  no  more  what's  going  on  in  the 
world,  than  if  you  were   a  bud  1 " 

"  Are  there  any  more  people  in  the  garden 
besides  me  ? "  Alice  said,  not  choosing  to  notice 
the  Eose's  last  remark. 

"There's  one  other  flower  in  the  garden 
that  can   move   about   like    you,"   said  the  Eose. 

"  I     wonder    how    you    do    it "      ("  You're 

always     wondering,"    said    the    Tiger-lily),    "but 
she's    more    bushy    than    you    are." 

"  Is  she  like  me  ? "  Alice  asked  eagerly,  for 
the  thought  crossed  her  mind,  "There's  another 
little   girl   in   the   garden,    somewhere ! " 

"  Well,  she   has   the   same  awkward  shape  as 


LIVE    FLOWERS.  33 

you,"  the  Eose  said,    "but   she's   redder and 

her  petals  are  shorter,   I  think." 

"  Her  petals  are  done  up  close,  almost  like 
a  dahlia,"  the  Tiger-lily  interrupted :  "  not  tum- 
bled about  anyhow,  like  yours." 

"  But  that's  not  your  fault,"  the  Eose  added 
kindly :     "  you're   beginning   to   fade,    you    know 

and  then  one  can't  help  one's  petals   getting 

a  little  untidy." 

Alice  didn't  like  this  idea  at  all :  so,  to 
change  the  subject,  she  asked  "  Does  she  ever 
come   out  here  ?  " 

"  I  daresay  you'll  see  her  soon,"  said  the 
Eose.     "  She's    one   of  the    thorny  kind." 

"  Where  does  she  wear  the  thorns  ? "  Alice 
asked  with  some  curiosity. 

"  Why,  all  round  her  head,  of  course,"  the 
Eose  replied.  "I  was  wondering  you  hadn't  got 
some  too.     I  thought  it  was  the  regular  rule." 

"  She's  coming ! "  cried  the  Larkspur.  "  I 
hear  her  footstep,  thump,  thump,  along  the 
gravel-walk ! " 

D 


3*  THE   GARDEN    OF 

Alice  looked  round  eagerly,  and  found  that 
it  was  the  Ked  Queen.  "She's  grown  a  good 
deal !  "  was  her  first  remark.  She  had  indeed  : 
when    Alice   first    found    her   in   the    ashes,     she 

had   been    only   three     inches    high and    here 

she  was,  half  a  head  taller  than  Alice  herself  ! 

"  It 's  the  fresh  air  that  does  it,"  said  the 
Rose  :    "  wonderfully  fine  air  it  -  is,  out  here." 

"I  think  I'll  go  and  meet  her,"  said  Alice, 
for,  though  the  flowers  were  interesting  enough, 
she  felt  that  it  would  be  far  grander  to  have  a 
talk  with  a  real  Queen. 

"  You  can't  possibly  do  that,"  said  the  Rose  : 
"i"  should  advise  you  to  walk  the  other  way." 

This  sounded  nonsense  to  Alice,  so  she  said 
nothing,  but  set  off  at  once  towards  the  Red 
Queen.  To  her  surprise,  she  lost  sight  of  her 
in  a  moment,  and  found  herself  walking  in  at 
the  front-door  again. 

A  little  provoked,  she  drew  back,  and  after 
looking  everywhere  for  the  Queen  (whom  she 
spied  out   at   last,   a   long   way  off),  she  thought 


LIVE    FLOWERS. 


35 


she   would    try   the    plan,    this    time,    of   walking 
in  the  opposite   direction. 


It  succeeded  beautifully.  She  had  not  been 
walking-  a  minute  before  she  found  herself  face 
to  face  with  the  Eed  Queen,  and  full  in  sight  of 
the  hill  she  had  been  so  long  aiming  at. 

D  2 


36  THE    GARDEN    OF 

"  Where  do  you  come  from  ? "  said  the  Red 
Queen.  "  And  where  are  you  going  1  Look  up, 
speak  nicely,  and  don't  twiddle  your  fingers  all 
the  time." 

Alice  attended  to  all  these  directions,  and 
explained,  as  well  as  she  could,  that  she  had 
lost  her  way. 

"I  don't  know  what  you  mean  by  your 
way,"  said  the  Queen :    "  all  the   ways  about  here 

belong   to   me -but     why     did   you   come    out 

here  at  all  % "  she  added  in  a  kinder  tone. 
"Curtsey  while  you're  thinking  what  to  say. 
It    saves    time." 

Alice  wondered  a  little  at  this,  but  she  was 
too  much  in .  awe  of  the  Queen  to  disbelieve  it. 
"I'll  try  it  when  I  go  home,"  she  thought  to 
herself,  "the  next  time  I'm  a  little  late  for 
dinner." 

"  It's  time  for  you  to  answer  now,"  the  Queen 
said,  looking  at  her  watch :  "  open  your  mouth 
a  little  wider  when  you  speak,  and  always 
say    'your   Majesty.'" 


LIVE   FLOWERS.  37 

"I  only  wanted  to  see  what  the  garden  was 
like,  your  Majesty " 

"That's  right,"  said  the  Queen,  patting  her 
on  the  head,  which  Alice  didn't  like  at  all . 
"though,  when  you  say  'garden.' — I've  seen 
gardens,  compared  with  which  this  would  he  a 
wilderness." 

Alice    didn't   dare    to    argue     the    point,    but 

went  on  :   " and  I   thought   I'd  try   and  find 

my  way  to  the  top  of  that  hill " 

"  When  you  say  '  hill,' "  the  Queen  inter- 
rupted, "  /  could  show  you  hills,  in  comparison 
with  which  you'd  call  that  a  valley." 

"  No,  I  shouldn't,"  said  Alice,  surprised  into 
contradicting;  her  at  last  :  " a  hill  cant  be  a 
valley,  you  know.     That  would  be  nonsense " 

The  Eed  Queen  shook  her  head.  "You  may 
call  it  'nonsense'  if  you  like,"  she  said,  "but 
I've  heard  nonsense,  compared  with  which  that 
would  be  as  sensible  as  a  dictionary  ! " 

Alice  curtseyed  again,  as  she  was  afraid  from 
the   Queen's  tone  that  she  was  a  little  offended  : 


38 


THE    GARDEN    OP 


and  they   walked    on   in   silence   till   they  got    to 
the  top  of  the  little  hill. 


For  some  minutes  Alice  stood  without  speak- 
ing, looking  out  in  all  directions  over  the  country 
— and  a  most  curious  country  it  was.  There 
were  a  number  of  tiny  little  brooks  running 
straight  across  it  from  side  to  side,  and  the 
ground  between  was  divided  up  into  squares  by 
a  number  of  little  green  hedges,  that  reached 
from   brook    to    brook. 

"I  declare  it's  marked  out  just  like  a  large 
chess-board !  "   Alice  said   at  last.     "  There   ought 


LIVE    FLOWERS.  39 

to   be   some    men    moving   about    somewhere 

and  so  there  are ! "  she  added  in  a  tone  of 
delight,  and  her  heart  began  to  beat  quick 
with  excitement  as  she  went  on.  "  It's  a  great 
huge     game     of    chess    that 's     being    played— — 

all    over    the    world if  this    is   the    world    at 

all,  you  know.  Oh,  what  fun  it  is !  How  I 
wish  I  was  one  of  them !  1  wouldn't  mind 
being  a  Pawn,  if  onlv  I  might  join — — though 
of  course  I  should  like  to  be  a  Queen,  best." 

She  glanced  rather  shyly  at  the  real  Queen 
as  she  said  this,  but  her  companion  only  smiled 
pleasantly,  and  said,  "That's  easily  managed. 
You  can  be  the  White  Queen's  Pawn,  if  you 
like,  as  Lily's  too  young  to  play;  and  you're  in 
the    Second    Square    to    begin    with :    when   you 

get  to  the  Eighth  Square  you'll  be  a  Queen " 

Just  at  this  moment,  somehow  or  other,  they 
began  to  run.  . 

Alice  never  could  quite  make  out,  in  think- 
ing it  over  afterwards,  how  it  was  that  they 
began :  all  she  remembers  is,  that  they  were  run- 


40  THE    GARDEN   OF 

ning  hand  in  hand,  and  the  Queen  went  so  fast 
that  it  was  all  she  could  do  to  keep  up  with 
her :  and  still  the  Queen  kept  crying  "  Faster ! 
Faster ! "  but  Alice  felt  she  could  not  go  faster, 
though  she  had  no   breath  left  to  say  so. 

The  most  curious  part  of  the  thing  was,  that 
the  trees  and  the  other  things  round  them  never 
changed  their  places  at  all :  however  fast  they 
went,  they  never  seemed  to  pass  anything.  "  I 
wonder  if  all  the  things  move  along  with  us  ? " 
thought  poor  puzzled  Alice.  And  the  Queen 
seemed  to  guess  her  thoughts,  for  she  cried, 
"  Faster  !     Don't  try  to  talk  ! " 

Not  that  Alice  had  any  idea  of  doing  that. 
She  felt  as  if  she  would  never  be  able  to  talk 
again,  she  was  getting  so  much  out  of  breath : 
and  still  the  Queen  cried  "  Faster !  Faster ! " 
and  dragged  her  along.  "  Are  we  nearly  there  % " 
Alice  managed  to  pant  out  at  last. 

"Nearly  there!"  the  Queen  repeated.  "Why, 
we  passed  it  ten  minutes  ago  !  Faster ! "  And 
they   ran   on    for    a    time    in    silence,   with    the 


LIVE   FLOWERS. 


41 


wind  whistling  in  Alice's  ears,   and  almost  blow- 
ing her  hair  off  her  head,  she  fancied. 


wsmmm?-^'^^ 


"  Now !  Now  !  "  cried  the  Queen.  "  Faster  ! 
Faster ! "  And  they  went  so  fast  that  at  last 
they  seemed  to  skim  through  the  air,  hardly 
touching  the  ground  with  their  feet,  till  sud- 
denly,  just  as  Alice  was  getting  quite  exhausted, 
they  stopped,  and  she  found  herself  sitting  on 
the  ground,  breathless  and  giddy. 

The  Queen  propped  her  up  against  a  tree, 
and  said  kindly,  "You  may  rest  a  little  now," 


42  THE    GARDEN    OF 

Alice  looked  round  her  in  great  surprise. 
"  Why,  I  do  believe  we  've  been  under  this  tree 
the  whole  time  !     Everything's  just  as  it  was  ! " 

"  Of  course  it  is,"  said  the  Queen :  "  what 
would  you  have  it  1 " 

"  Well,  in  our  country,"  said  Alice,  still 
panting  a  little,  "  you'd  generally  get  to  some- 
where   else if    you   ran  very   fast  for   a   long 

time,  as  we've  been  doing." 

"  A  slow  sort  of  country ! "  said  the  Queen. 
"Now,  here,  you  see,  it  takes  all  the  running 
you  can  do,  to  keep  in  the  same  place.  If 
you  want  to  get  somewhere  else,  you  must  run 
at  least  twice  as  fast  as  that ! " 

"I'd    rather    not    try,    please!"     said    Alice.' 

"I'm   quite  content   to   stay    here only  I    am 

so  hot  and  thirsty  ! " 

"I  know  what  you'd  like!"  the  Queen  said 
good-naturedly,  taking  a  little  box  out  of  her 
pocket.     "  Have  a  biscuit  ? " 

Alice  thought  it  would  not  be  civil  to  say 
"  No,"   though  it   wasn't  at  all  what  she  wanted. 


LIVE    FLOWEKS.  43 

So  she  took  it,  and  ate  it  as  well  as  she  could  : 
and  it  was  very  dry  ■  and  she  thought  she  had 
never  been  so  nearly  choked  in  ah  her  life. 

"While  you're  refreshing  yourself,"  said  the 
Queen,  *"  I'll  just  take  the  measurements."  And 
she  took  a  ribbon  out  of  her  pocket,  marked 
in  inches,  and  began  measuring  the  ground,  and 
sticking  little  pegs  in  here  and  there. 

"  At  the  end  of  two  yards,"  she  said,  putting 
in  a  peg  to  mark  the  distance,  "  I  shall  give 
you  your  directions have  another  biscuit  % " 

"No,  thank  you,"  said  Alice:  "one's  quite 
enough ! " 

"  Thirst  quenched,  1  hope  ? "  said  the  Queen. 

Alice  did  not  know  what  to  say  to  this, 
but  luckily  the  Queen  did  not  wait  for  an 
answer,    but   went    on.      "  At    the    end    of    three 

yards   I    shall    repeat    them for    fear   of   your 

forgetting  them.  At  the  end  of  four,  I  shall  say 
good-bye.     And  at  the  end  of  five,  I  shall  go!" 

She  had  got  all  the  pegs  put  in  by  this 
time,    and    Alice   looked    on    with    great    interest 


44  THE   GARDEN   OP 

as  she  returned  to  the  tree,  and  then  began 
slowly  walking  down  the  row. 

At  the  two-yard  peg  she  faced  round,  and 
said,  "  A  pawn  goes  two  squares  in  its  first 
move,   you    know.      So    you'll    go    very  .quickly 

through  the  Third  Square by  railway,  I  should 

think and  you'll  find  yourself  in  the    Fourth 

Square   in   no   time.      Well,    that   square    belongs 

to   Tweedledum    and  Tweedledee the  Fifth   is 

mostly   water the   Sixth    belongs    to    Humpty 

Dumpty But  you  make  no  remark  1 " 

"I 1  didn't  know  I  had  to  make  one 

just  then,"  Alice  faltered  out. 

"  You  should  have  said,"  the  Queen  went  on 
in  a  tone  of  grave  reproof,  "  *  It 's  extremely  kind 

of  you   to   tell    me    all    this' however,    we'll 

suppose    it    said the    Seventh    Square    is    all 

forest however,  one  of  the  Knights  will  show 

you  the  way and   in   the    Eighth   Square   we 

shall  be  Queens  together,  and  it's  all  feasting 
and  fun ! "  Alice  got  up  and  curtseyed,  and 
sat    down   a^ain. 


LIVE    FLOWERS.       .  45 

At  the  next  peg  the  Queen  turned  again, 
and  this  time   she   said,  "Speak  in  French  when 

you    can't    think   of  the  English  for  a  thing 

turn  out  your  toes  as  you  walk and  re- 
member who  you  are ! "  She  did  not  wait 
for  Alice  to  curtsey  this  time,  but  walked  on 
quickly  to  the  next  peg,  where  she  turned  for 
a  moment  to  say  "  good-bye/'  and  then  hurried 
on  to  the  last. 

How  it  happened,  Alice  never  knew,  but 
exactly  as  she  came  to  the  last  peg,  she  was 
gone.  Whether  she  vanished  into  the  air,  or 
whether  she  ran  quickly  into  the  wood  ("and 
she  can  run  very  fast  ! "  thought  Alice),  there 
was  no  way  of  guessing,  but  she  was  gone, 
and  Alice  began  to  remember  that  she  was 
a  Pawn,  and  that  it  would  soon  be  time  for 
her  to  move. 


CHAPTER   III. 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 


Of  course  the  first  thing  to  do  was  to  make 
a  grand  survey  of  the  country  she  was  going 
to  travel  through.  "It's  something  very  like 
learning  geography,"  thought  Alice,  as  she  stood 
on   tiptoe  in  hopes    of   being  able  to  see  a  little 

further.      "  Principal     rivers there    are    none. 

Principal  mountains I'm  on  the  only  one,  but 

I    don't    think    it's    got    any    name.       Principal 

towns why,  what  are  those  creatures,  making 

honey  down  there  ?   They  can't  be  bees nobody 

ever  saw   bees   a   mile   off,    you   know "   and 

for  some  time  she   stood   silent,   watching  one  of 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS.  47 

them  that  was  bustling  about  among  the  flowers, 
poking  its  proboscis  into  them,  "just  as  if  it  was 
a  regular  bee,"  thought  Alice. 

However,    this   was    anything    but    a    regular 

bee :  in  fact,  it  was  an  elephant as  Alice  soon 

found  out,  though  the  idea  quite  took  her  breath 
away  at  first.  "  And  what  enormous  flowers 
they  must  be  !  "  was  her  next  idea.  "  Something 
like  cottages  with  the  roofs  taken  off,  and   stalks 

put   to    them and    what   quantities   of    honey 

they  must  make!    I  think  I'll  go  down  and- 

no,  I  won't  go  just  yet,"  she  went  on,  checking 
herself  just  as  she  was  beginning  to  run  down 
the  hill,  and  trying  to  find  some  excuse  for  turning 
shy  so  suddenly.  "  It'll  never  do  to  go  down 
among    them    without    a    good    long    branch    to 

brush  them   away and  what  fun  it'll  be  when 

they    ask    me   how    I   liked    my   walk.       I    shall 

say '  Oh,    I    liked   it    well    enough '  (here 

came  the  favourite  little  toss  of  the  head),  'only 
it  was  so  dusty  and  hot,  and  the  elephants 
did   tease   so  ! '  " 


48  LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 

"I  think  I'll  go  down  the  other  way,"  she 
said  after  a  pause  :  "  and  perhaps  I  may  visit 
the  elephants  later  on.  Besides,  I  do  so  want 
to  get  into  the  Third  Square  ! " 

So  with  this  excuse  she  ran  down  the  hill 
and  jumped  over  the  first  of  the  six  little 
brooks. 


"  Tickets,  please  !  "  said  the  Guard,  putting 
his  head  in  at  the  window.  In  a  moment  every- 
body was  holding  out  a  ticket :  they  were 
about  the  same  size  as  the  people,  and  quite 
seemed  to  fill  the  carriage. 

"  Now  then !  Show  your  ticket,  child  ! "  the 
Guard  went  on,  looking  angrily  at  Alice.  And 
a  great  many  voices  all  said  together  ("like  the 
chorus  of  a  song,"  thought  Alice),  "  Don't  keep 
him  waiting,  child!  Why,  his  time  is  worth  a 
thousand  pounds  a  minute  ! " 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS.  40 

"  I  'm  afraid  I  haven't  got  one,"  Alice  said 
in  a  frightened  tone :  "  there  wasn't  a  ticket-office 
where  I  came  from."  And  again  the  chorus  of 
voices  went  on.  "  There  wasn't  room  for  one 
where  she  came  from.  The  land  there  is  worth 
a  thousand,  pounds  an  inch  !" 

"  Don't  make  excuses,"  said  the  Guard  :  "  you 
should  have  bought  one  from  the  engine-drrver." 
And  once  more  the  chorus  of  voices  went  on 
with  "The  man  that  drives  the  engine.  Why, 
the  smoke  alone  is  worth  a  thousand  pounds 
a    puff!" 

Alice  thought  to  herself,  "  Then  there  s  no 
use  in  speaking."  The  voices  didn't  join  in  this 
time,,  as  she  hadn't  spoken,  but,  to  her  great 
surprise,  they   all  thought  in    chorus   (I  hope  you 

understand   what    thinking   in  chorus   means 

for  I  must  confess  that  /  don't),  "  Better  say 
nothing  at  all.  Language  is  worth  a  thousand 
pounds    a    word  !  " 

"  I  shall  dream  about  a  thousand  pounds 
to-night,  I  know   I   shall !  "  thought  Alice. 

E 


50 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 


All  this  time  the  Guard  was  looking  at  her, 
first  through  a  telescope,  then  through  a  micro- 
scope, and  then  through  an  opera-glass.  At  last 
he  said,  "  You  're  travelling  the  wrong  way,"  and 
shut  up  the  window  and  went  away. 

"  So  young  a  child,"  said  the  gentleman  sitting 
opposite  to  her,  (he  was  dressed  in  white  paper,) 
"ought  to  know  which  way  she's  going,  even  if 
she  doesn't  know  her  own  name  ! " 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS.  51 

A  Goat,  that  was  sitting  next  to  the  gentleman 
in  white,  shut  his  eyes  and  said  in  a  loud  voice, 
"  She  ought  to  know  her  way  to  the  ticket-office, 
even  if  she   doesn't  know  her  alphabet ! " 

There  was  a  Beetle  sitting  next  the  Goat  (it 
was  a  very  queer  carriage-full  of  passengers 
altogether),  and,  as  the  rule  seemed  to  be  that 
they  should  all  speak  in  turn,  he  went  on  with 
"  She'll  have  to  go  back  from  here  as  luggage ! " 

Alice  couldn't  see  who  was  sitting  beyond 
the  Beetle,  but  a  hoarse  voice  spoke  next.    "  Change 

engines "    it    said,   and    there   it    choked    and 

was  obliged  to  leave  off. 

"  It  sounds  like  a  horse,"  Alice  thought  to 
herself.     And  an   extremely  small   voice,   close   to 

llGr       Gcl/T^       SttlClj      "You  might  make  a  joke  on    that something    about   'horse'   and 

'hoarse,'  you  know." 

Then  a  very  gentle  voice  in  the  distance  said, 
"  She  must  be  labelled  '  Lass,  with  care/  you 
know " 

And  after  that  other  voices  went  on  ("  What 
a  number  of  people  there    are  in  the    carriage ! " 

E  2 


52  LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 

thought  Alice),   saying,    "  She  must   go   by   post, 

as   she 's   got   a   head   on    her "     "  She    must 

be    sent     as    a    message    by    the    telegraph " 

"She  must  draw  the  train  herself  the  rest  of 
the   way- ,"  and  so-  on. 

Bat  the  gentleman  dressed  in  white  paper 
leaned  forwards  and  whispered  in  her  ear, 
"Never  mind  what  they  all  say,  my  dear,  but 
take  a  return-ticket  every  time  the  train  stops." 

"Indeed  I  shan't!"  Alice  said  rather  impa- 
tiently.     "  I  don't  belong  to  this  railway  journey 

at   all 1   was   in   a   wood  just  now and   I 

wish  I  could  get  back  there !  " 

o 

"You  might  make  a  joke  on  thai,"  said  the  little  voice  close  to 

iier      ear  .       "something  about  'you  would  if  you  could,'  you  know." 

"  Don't  tease  so,"  said  Alice,  looking  about  in 
vain  to  see  where  the  voice  came  from  ;  "if  you're 
so  anxious  to  have  a  joke  made,  why  don't  you 
make  one  yourself?" 

The  little  voice  sighed  deeply :  it  was  very 
unhappy,  evidently,  and  Alice  would  have  said 
something    pitying    to    comfort  it,    "if   it    would 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS.  53 

only  sigh  like  other  people ! "  she  thought.  But 
this  was  such  a  wonderfully  small  sigh,  that  she 
wouldn't  have  heard  it  at  all,  if  it  hadn't  come 
quite  close  to  her  ear.  The  consequence  of  this 
was  that  it  tickled  her  ear  very  much,  and  quite 
took  oif  her  thoughts  from  the  unhappiness  of 
the  poor  little  creature. 

"I  know  you  are  a  friend,"  the  little  VOiCC  Wdlt  On;  "a,  dear 
friend,  and  an  old  friend.     And  you  won't  hurt  me,  though  I  am  an  iuseet." 

"  What  kind  of  insect  ? "  Alice  inquired  a 
little  anxiously.  What  she  really  wanted  to 
know  was,  whether  it  could  sting  or  not,  but  she 
thought  this  wouldn't  be  quite  a  civil  question 
to  ask. 

••mat,  then  you  don't— -  the  little  voice  began,  when  it 
was  drowned  by  a  shrill  scream  from  the  engine, 
and  everybody  jumped  up  in  alarm,  Alice  among 
the  rest. 

The  Horse,  who  had  put  his  head  out  of 
the  window,  quietly  drew  it  in  and  said,  "  It 's 
onl}7  a  brook  we  have  to  jump  over."  Every- 
body  seemed    satisfied    with    this,    though  -Alice 


54  LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 

felt  a  little  nervous  at  the  idea  of  trains  jumping 
at  all.  "However,  it'll  take  us  into  the  Fourth 
Square,  that's  some  comfort!"  she  said  to  her- 
self. In  another  moment  she  felt  the  carriage 
rise  straight  up  into  the  air,  and  in  her  fright 
she  caught  at  the  thing  nearest  to  her  hand, 
which  happened  to  be  the  Goat's  beard. 


But  the  beard  seemed  to  melt  away  as  she 
touched  it,  and  she  found  herself  sitting  quietly 
under  a  tree — —while  the  Gnat  (for  that  was 
the  insect  she  had  been  talking  to)  was 
balancing  itself  on  a  twig  just  over  her  head, 
and  fanning  her  with  its  wings. 

It  certainly  was  a  very  large  Gnat :  "  about 
the  size  of  a  chicken,"  Alice  thought.  Still,  she 
couldn't  feel  nervous  with  it,  after  they  had  been 
talking  together  so  long. 

" then   you   don't   like   all   insects  ? "   the 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS.  55 

Gnat  went  on,  as  quietly  as  if  nothing  had 
happened. 

"  I  like  them  when  they  can  talk,"  Alice  said. 
"  None  of  them  ever  talk,  where  /  come  from." 

"What  sort  of  insects  do  you  rejoice  in, 
where  you  come  from  ? "  the  Gnat  inquired. 

"  I  don't  rejoice  in  insects  at  all,"  Alice  ex- 
plained, "because   I'm  rather  afraid  of  them 

at  least  the  large  kinds.  But  I  can  tell  you  the 
names  of  some  of  them." 

"Of  course  they  answer  to  their  names?-" 
the  Gnat  remarked  carelessly. 

"  I  never  knew  them  do  it." 

"  What 's  the  use  of  their  having  names,"  the 
Gnat  said,   "if  they  won't  answer  to  them?" 

"No  use  to  them,"  said  Alice  ;  "but  it's  useful 
to  the  people  that  name  them,  I  suppose.  If  not, 
why  do  things  have  names  at  all  ? " 

"  I  can't  say,"  the  Gnat  replied.  "  Further  on, 
in  the  wood  down  there,   they've  got  no  names 

however,    go    on   with    your   list   of    insects  : 

you  're  wasting  time." 


m 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 


"Well,  there's  the  Horse-fly,"  Alice  began, 
.counting  off  the  names  on  her  fingers. 

"  All  right,"  said  the  Gnat :  "  half  way  up, 
that  bush,  you'll  see  a  Rocking-horse-fly,  if  you 
look.  It's  made  entirely  of  wood,  and  gets  about 
by  swinonno;  itself  from  branch  to  branch." 


"  What  does  it  live  on  ? "  Alice  asked,  with 
great  curiosity. 

"Sap  and  sawdust,"  said  the  Gnat.  "Go  on 
with  the  list." 

Alice  looked  at  the  Eocking-horse-fly  with  great 
interest,  and  made  up  her  mind  that  it  must  have 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 


57 


been  just  repainted,  it  looked  so  bright  and 
sticky ;  and  then  she  went  on. 

"And  there's  the  Dragon-fly." 

"  Look  on  the  branch  above  your  head/'  said 
the  Gnat,  "  and  there  you  '11  find  a  Snap-dragon- 
fly. Its  body  is  made  of  plum-pudding,  its  wings 
of  holly-leaves,  and  its  head  is  a  raisin  burning 
in  brandy." 

"  And  what  does  it  live  on  ? "  Alice  asked,  as 
before. 

"  Frumenty  and  mince-pie,"  the  Gnat  replied ; 
"and  it  makes   its  nest   in  a   Christmas-box." 


58 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 


"  And  then  there 's  the  Butterfly,"  Alice  went 
on,  after  she  had  taken  a  good  look  at  the  in- 
sect with  its  head  on  fire,  and  had  thought  to 
herself,  "  I  wonder  if  that's  the  reason  insects  are 

so   fond    of   flying    into    candles because   they 

want   to  turn  into  Snap-dragon-flies !  " 

"  Crawling  at  your  feet,"  said  the  Gnat  (Alice 
drew  her  feet  back  in  some  alarm),  "you  may 
observe  a  Bread-and-butter-fly.  Its  wings  are 
thin  slices  of  bread-and-butter,  its  body  is  a 
crust,  and  its  head  is  a  lump  of  sugar." 

"  And  what  does  it  live  on  ? " 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS.  59 

"Weak  tea  with  cream  in  it." 

A  new  difficulty  came  into  Alice's  head.  "Sup- 
posing it  couldn't  find,  any  ? "  she  suggested. 

"  Then  it  would  die,  of  course." 

"  But  that  must  happen  very  often,"  Alice 
remarked  thoughtfully. 

"  It  always  happens,"  said  the  Gnat. 

After  this,  Alice  was  silent  for  a  minute 
or  two,  pondering.  The  Gnat  amused  itself 
meanwhile  by  humming  round  and  round  her 
head :  at  last  it  settled  again  and  remarked,  "  I 
suppose  you  don't  want  to  lose  your  name  1 " 

"No,  indeed,"  Alice  said,  a  little  anxiously. 

"And  yet  I  don't  know,"  the  Gnat  went  on 
in  a  careless  tone  :  "  only  think  how  convenient 
it  would  be  if  you  could  manage  to  go  home 
without  it !  For  instance,  if  the  governess  wanted 
to  call   you  to  your   lessons,   she  would   call   out 

'Come  here /  and  there    she  would   have   to 

leave  off,  because  there  wouldn't  be  any  name  for 
her  to  call,  and  of  course  you  wouldn't  have  to 
go,  you  know." 


60  LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS. 

"  That  would  never  do,  I  'm  sure/'  said  Alice : 
"  the  governess  would  never  think  of  excusing  me 
lessons  for  that.  If  she  couldn't  remember  my 
name,  she  'd  call  me  '  Miss ! '  as  the  servants  do." 

"  Well,  if  she  said  '  Miss/  and  didn't  say 
anything  more,"  the  Gnat  remarked,  "  of  course 
you  'd  miss  your  lessons.  That 's  a  joke.  I  wish 
you  had  made  it." 

"  Why  do  you  wish  /  had  made  it  ? "  Alice 
asked.       "It's  a  very  bad  one." 

But  the  Gnat  only  sighed  deeply,  while  two 
large  tears  came  rolling  down  its  cheeks. 

"You  shouldn't  make  jokes,"  Alice  said,  "if 
it  makes  you  so  unhappy." 

Then  came  another  of  those  melancholy  little 
sighs,  and  this  time  the  poor  Gnat  really  seemed 
to  have  sighed  itself  away,  for,  when  Alice  looked 
up,  there  was  nothing  whatever  to  be  seen  on  the 
twig,  and,  as  she  was  getting  quite  chilly  with 
sitting  still  so  long,  she  got  up  and  walked  on. 

She  very  soon  came  to  an  open  field,  with  a 
wood    on    the    other   side  of  it :   it   looked   much 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS.  61 

darker  than  the  last  wood,  and  Alice  felt  a  little 
timid  about  going  into  it.  However,  on  second 
thoughts,  she  made  up  her  mind  to  go  on  :  "for 
I  certainly  won't  go  hack"  she  thought  to  herself, 
and  this  was  the  only  way  to  the  Eighth  Square. 
"This  must  be  the  wood,"  she  said  thoughtfully 
to  herself,  "  where  things  have  no  names.  I  wonder 
what  '11    become  of  my  name  when  I   go   in  ?      I 

/shouldn't  like  to  lose  it  at  all because  they'd 

'have  to  give  me  another,  and  it  would  be  almost 
certain  to  be  an  ugly  one.  But  then  the  fun 
would  be,  trying  to  find  the  creature  that  had  got 
my  old  name !  That's  just  like  the  advertise- 
ments,   you    know,    when    people    lose   dogs 

'  answers  to  the  name  of  "  Dash : "  had  on  a  brass 

collar' just   fancy  calling  everything  you   met 

'Alice/  till  one  of  them  answered!  Only  they 
wouldn't  answer  at  all,  if  they  were  wise." 

She  was  rambling  on  in  this  way  when  she 
reached  the  wood :  it  looked  very  cool  and  shady. 
"Well,  at  any  rate  it's  a  great  comfort,"  she  said 
as    she   stepped  under   the  trees,   "  after  being  so 


62  LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 

hot,  to  get  into  the into  the into  what  f  " 

she  went  on,  rather  surprised  at  not  being  able 
to  think  of  the  word.    "  I  mean   to  get  under  the 

-under  the- under  this,  you  know  !  "  putting 

her  hand  on  the  trunk  of  the  tree.  "What  does 
it  call  itself,  I  wonder  ?  I  do  believe  it's  got  no 
name why,  to  be  sure  it  hasn't ! " 

She  stood  silent  for  a  minute,  thinking  :  then 
she  suddenly  began  again.  "Then  it  really  has 
happened,  after  all !  And  now,  who  am  I  %  I 
will  remember,  if  I  can!  I'm  determined  to 
do  it ! "  But  being  determined  didn't  help  her 
much,  and  all  she  could  say,  after  a  great  deal  of 
puzzling,  wras,  "  L,  I  know  it  begins  with  L ! " 

Just  then  a  Fawn  came  wandering  by :  it 
looked  at  Alice  with  its  large  gentle  eyes,  but 
didn't  seem  at  all  frightened.  "  Here  then  !  Here 
then!"  Alice  said,  as  she  held  out  her  hand  and 
tried  to  stroke  it ;  but  it  only  started  back  a 
little,  and   then  stood  looking  at  her  asjain. 

"What  do  you  call  yourself?"  the  Fawn  said 
at  last.      Such  a  soft  sweet  voice  it  had ! 


LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 


53 


"  I  wish  I  knew ! "    thought  poor  Alice.     She 
answered,   rather  sadly,   "Nothing,  just  now." 
"Think  again,"  it   said:     "that  won't  do." 


Alice  thought,  but  nothing  came  of  it.  "  Please, 
would  you  tell  me  what  you  call  yourself?"  she 
said  timidly.      "  I  think  that  might  help  a  little." 

"  I  '11  tell  you,  if  you  '11  come  a  little  further 
on,"  the  Fawn  said.       "  I  can't  remember  here." 


64  LOOKING-GLASS    INSECTS. 

So  they  walked  on  together  through  the  wood, 
Alice  with  her  arms  clasped  lovingly  round  the 
soft  neck  of  the  Fawn,  till  they  came  out  into 
another  open  field,  and  here  the  Fawn  gave  a 
sudden  bound  into  the  air,  and  shook  itself  free 
from  Alice's  arms.  "  I'm  a  Fawn ! "  it  cried  out 
in  a  voice  of  delight,  "  and,  dear  me !  you  're  a 
human  child ! "  A  sudden  look  of  alarm  came 
into  its  beautiful  brown  eyes,  and  in  another 
moment   it   had   darted    away  at   full    speed. 

Alice  stood  looking  after  it,  almost  ready  to 
cry  with  vexation  at  having  lost  her  dear  little 
fellow-traveller  so  suddenly.  "  However,  I  know 
my  name    now,"   she    said,    "that's   some   comfort. 

Alice Alice 1   won't  forget  it  again.      And 

now,  which  of  these  finger-posts  ought  I  to 
follow,  I   wonder  ?  " 

It  was  not  a  very  difficult  question  to  answer, 
as  there  was  only  one  road  through  the  wood, 
and  the  two  finger-posts  both  pointed  along  it. 
"I'll  settle  it,"  Alice  said  to  herself,  "when  the 
road  divides  and  they  point  different  ways." 


LOOKING-GLASS   INSECTS.  65 

But  this  did  not  seem  likely  to  happen!  She 
went  on  and  on,  a  long  way,  but  wherever  the 
road  divided  there  were  sure  to  be  two  finger- 
posts pointing  the  same  way,  one  marked  'TO 
TWEEDLEDUM'S  HOUSE/  and  the  other  'TO 
THE  HOUSE  OF  TWEEDLEDEE.' 

"I  do  believe,"  said  Alice  at  last,  "that  they 
live  in  the  same  house !     I  wonder  I  never  thought 

of    that   before But   I    can't   stay   there    long. 

I'll  just  call  and  say  'How  d'ye  do?'  and  ask 
them  the  way  out  of  the  wood.  If  I  could 
only  get  to  the  Eighth  Square  before  it  gets 
dark ! "  So  she  wandered  on,  talking  to  herself 
as  she  went,  till,  on  turning  a  sharp  corner,  she 
came  upon  two  fat  little  men,  so  suddenly  that 
she  could  not  help  starting  back,  but  in  another 
moment  she  recovered  herself,  feeling  sure  that 
they  must  be 


CHAPTER  IV. 

TWEEDLEDUM  AND  TWEEDLEDEE. 

They  were  standing  under  a  tree,  each  with 
an  arm  round  the  other's  neck,  and  Alice  knew 
which  was  which  in  a  moment,  because  one  of 
them  had  'DUM;  embroidered  on  his  collar,  and 
the  other  '  DEE/  "  I  suppose  they  Ve  each  got 
'TWEEDLE'  round  at  the  back  of  the  collar," 
she  said  to  herself. 

They  stood  so  still  that  she  quite  forgot  they 
were  alive,  and  she  was  just  looking  round  to  see 
if  the  word  '  TWEEDLE '  was  written  at  the  back 
of  each  collar,  when  she  was  startled  by  a  voice 
coming  from  the  one  marked  'DUM.' 


TWEEDLEDUM   AND    TWEEDLEDEE. 


67 


"  If  you  think  we're  wax-works,"  he  said,  "yon 
ought  to  pay,  you  know.  Wax-works  weren't 
made   to   be   looked   at   for   nothing.      Nohow ! " 

"  Contrariwise,"  added  the  one  marked  '  DEE/ 
"if  you  think  we're    alive,  you  ought  to  speak." 

"I'm  sure  I'm  very  sorry,"  was  all  Alice  could 
say;  for  the  words  of  the  old  song  kept  ringing 
through  her  head  like  the  ticking  of  a  clock,  and 
she  could  hardly  help  saying  them  out  loud  : — 

F  2 


TWEEDLEDUM 

'■'  Tweedledum  and  Tweedledee 
Agreed  to  have  a  battle; 
For  Tweedledum  said  Tweedledee 
Had  spoiled  Ms  nice  new  rattle. 


Just  then  flevj  down  a  monstrous  crow, 

As  Mack  as  a  tar-barrel; 
Which  frightened  both  the  heroes  so, 

They  quite  forgot  their  quarrel." 


"  I  know  what  you  're  thinking  about,"  said 
Tweedledum  :    "  but  it  isn't  so,  nohow." 

"Contrariwise,"  continued  Tweedledee,  "if  it 
was  so,  it  might  be  ;  and  if  it  were  so,  it  would 
be ;   but  as  it   isn't,  it  ain't.     That 's  logic." 

"  I  was  thinking,"  Alice  said  very  politely, 
"  which  is  the  best  way  out  of  this  wood  :  it's 
getting  so  dark.     Would  you  tell  me,  please  ? " 

But  the  fat  little  men  only  looked  at  each 
other  and  grinned. 

They  looked  so  exactly  like  a  couple  of  great 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  63 

schoolboys,  that  Alice  couldn't  help  pointing  her 
finger  at  Tweedledum,   and  saying  "  First  Boy  1 " 

"Nohow!"  Tweedledum  cried  out  briskly, 
and  shut  his  mouth  up  again  with  a  snap. 

"  Next  Boy ! "  said  Alice,  passing  on  to 
Tweedledee,  though  she  felt  quite  certain  he 
would  only  shout  out  "  Contrariwise ! "  and  so 
he  did. 

"  You  've  begun  wrong  !  "  cried  Tweedledum. 
"The  first  thing  in  a  visit  is  to  say  'How  d'ye 
do?'  and  shake  hands!"  And  here  the  two 
brothers  gave  each  other  a  hug,  and  then  they 
held  out  the  two  hands  that  were  free,  to  shake 
hands  with  her. 

Alice  did  not  like  shaking  hands  with  either 
of  them  first,  for  fear  of  hurting  the  other  one's 
feelings ;  so,  as  the  best  way  out  of  the  difficulty, 
she  took  hold  of  both  hands  at  once  :  the  next 
moment  they  were  dancing  round  in  a  ring. 
This  seemed  quite  natural  (she  remembered  after- 
wards), and  she  was  not  even  surprised  to  hear 
music  playing :    it  seemed  to  come  from  the  tree 


70  TWEEDLEDUM 

under  which  they  were  dancing,  and  it  was  done 
(as  well  as  she  could  make  it  out)  by  the  branches 
nibbing  one  across  the  other,  like  fiddles  and 
fiddle-sticks. 

"But  it  certainly  was  funny,"  (Alice  said 
afterwards,  when  she  was  telling  her  sister  the 
history  of  all  this,)  "to  find  myself  singing  'Here 
we  go  round  the  mulberry  bush.'  I  don't  know 
when  I  began  it,  but  somehow  I  felt  as  if  I'd 
been  singing  it  a  long  long   time  I " 

The  other  two  dancers  were  fat,  and  very 
soon  out  of  breath.  "  Four  times  round  is  enough 
for  one  dance,"  Tweedledum  panted  out,  and  they 
left  off  dancing  as  suddenly  as  they  had  begun  : 
the  music  stopped  at  the  same  moment. 

Then  they  let  go  of  Alice's  hands,  and  stood 
looking  at  her  for  a  minute  :  there  was  a  rather 
awkward  pause,  as  Alice  didn't  know  how  to 
begin  a  conversation  with  people  she  had  just 
been  dancing  with.  "  It  would  never  do  to  say 
'How  d'ye  do?'  now,"  she  said  to  herself:  "we 
seem  to  have  got  beyond  that,  somehow ! " 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  71 

"  I  hope  you  're  not  much  tired  ? "  she  said 
at  last. 

"  Nohow.  And  thank  you  very  much  for 
asking,"  said  Tweedledum. 

"  So  much  obliged  ! "  added  Tweedledee.  "  You 
like  poetry 

"  Ye-es,    pretty    well some    poetry,"    Alice 

said  doubtfully.  "  Would  you  tell  me  which  road 
leads  out  of  the  wood  ? " 

"  What  shall  I  repeat  to  her  ? "  said  Tweedle- 
dee, looking  round  at  Tweedledum  with  great 
solemn  eyes,  and  not  noticing  Alice's  question. 

" ''  The  Walrus  and  the  Carpenter  is  the 
longest,"  Tweedledum  replied,  giving  his  brother 
an  affectionate   hug. 

Tweedledee  began  instantly  : 

"  The  sun  was  shining " 


Here  Alice  ventured  to  interrupt  him.  "  If 
it's  very  long,"  she  said,  as  politely  as  she  could, 
"would  you  please  tell  me  first  which  road " 

Tweedledee  smiled  gently,  and  began  again  : 


72  TWEEDLEDUM 

"  The  sun  was  shining  on  the  sea, 
Shining  with  all  his  might: 

He  did  his  very  best  to  make 

The  billows  smooth  and  bright — 

And  this  was  odd,  because  it  was 
The  middle  of  the  night. 


The  moon  was  shining  sulkily, 
Because  she  thought  the  sun 

Had  got  no  business  to  be  there 
After  the  day  was  done — 

'  It 's  very  rude  of  him'  she  said, 
'  To  come  and  spoil  the  fun ! ' 


The  sea  was  wet  as  wet  could  be, 

The  sands  were  dry  as  dry. 
You  could  not  see  a  cloud,  because 

J\ro  cloud  was  in  the  sky: 
Xo  birds  were  flying  overhead — 
There  were  no  birds  to  fly. 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE. 


73 


The  Walrus  and  the  Carpenter 
Were  walking  close  at  hand ; 

They  wept  like  anything  to  see 
Such  quantities  of  sand  : 

1  If  this  were  only  cleared  a;way' 
Tliey  said,  '  it  would  be  grand  ! 


'  If  seven  maids  with  seven  mops 
Swept  it  for  half  a  year, 

Do  you  suppose'   the    Walrus  said,, 
'  That  they  could  get  it  clear  1 ' 


74  TWEEDLEDUM 

'  I  doubt  it,'  said  the  Carpenter, 
And  shed  a  bitter  tear. 


'  0  Oysters,  come  and  walk  with  us  ! ' 

The   Walrus  did  beseech. 
'  A  pleasant  walk,  a  pleasant  talk, 

A  long  the  briny  beach : 
We  cannot  do  with  more  than  four, 

To  give  a  hand  to  each. 


The  eldest  Oyster  looked  at  him, 
But  never  a  word  he  said : 

The  eldest  Oyster  winked  his  eye, 
And  shook  his  heavy  head — 

Meaning  to  say  he  did  not  choose 
To  leave  the  oyster-bed. 


But  four  young  Oysters  hurried  up, 

All  eager  for  the  treat: 
Their  coats  were  brushed,  their  faces  washed, 

Their  shoes  ivere  clean  and  neat — 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  75 

And  this  was  odd,  because,  you  know, 
They  hadn't  any  feet. 


Four  other  Oysters  followed  them, 

And  yet  another  four ; 
And  thick  and  fast  they  came  at  last, 

And  more,  and  more,  and  more — 
All  hopping  through  the  frothy  'leaves, 

And  scrambling  to  the  shore. 

The  Walrus  and  the  Carpenter 

Walked  on  a  mile  or  so, 
And  then  they  rested  on  a  rock 

Conveniently  low : 
And  all  the  little  Oysters  stood 

And  waited  in  a  row. 


'  The  time  has  come',    the   Walrus  said, 

'  To  talk  of  many  things : 
Of  shoes — and  ships — and  sealing-wax — 

Of  cabbages — and  kings — 


76 


TWEEDLEDUM 


And  why  the  sea  is  boiling  hot— 
And  whether  pigs  have  wings' 


'But  wait  a  bit,'  the  Oysters  cried, 
'  Before  we  have  our  chat ; 

For  some  of  us  are  out  of  breath, 
And  all  of  us  are  fat  !' 

'  JSro  hurry  ! '  said  the  Carpenter. 
They  thanked  him  much  for  that. 


'  A  loaf  of  bread'  the  Walrus  said, 
'  Is  what  we  chiefly  need  : 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  77 

Pepper  and  vinegar  besides 

Are  very  good  indeed — 
Now  if  you  We  ready,  Oysters  dear, 

We  can  begin  to  feed! 


'  But  not  on  us ! '  the  Oysters  cried, 

Turning  a  little  blue. 
After  mck  kindness,  that  would  be 

A  dismal  thing  to  do  ! ' 
'  The  night  is  fine,'  the   Walrus  said. 

'  Do  you  admire  the  view  I 

*  It  was  so  hind  of  you  to  come  ! 

And  you  are  very  nice  ! ' 
The  Carpenter  said  nothing  but 

'  C%d  us  another  slice : 
I  wish  you  vjere  not  quite  so  deaf — 

Tve  had  to  ask  you  twice!'' 

'It  seems  a  shame,'  the  Walrus  said, 
'  To  play  them  such  a  trick, 


TWEEDLEDUM 

After  we've  brought  them  out  so  far, 
And  made  them  trot  so  quick!' 

The  Carpenter  said  nothing  hit 
'  The  butter's  spread  too  thick  I ' 


' I  weep  for  you'  the  Walrus  said . 

'  I  deeply  sympathize! 
With  sobs  and  tears  he  sorted  out 

Those  of  the  largest  size, 
Holding  his  pocket-handkerchief 

Before  his  streaming  eyes. 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  79 

'  0  Oysters]  said  the  Carpenter, 
'  You  've  had  a  pleasant  run  ! 

Shall  we  he  trotting  home  again  V 
But  answer  came  there  none — 

And  this  was  scarcely  odd,  because 
They'd  eaten  every  one" 

"  I  like  the  Walrus  best/'  said  Alice  :  "  because 
you  see  lie  was  a  little  sorry  for  the  poor  oysters." 

"  He  ate  more  thau  the  Carpenter,  though," 
said  Tweedledee.  "You  see  he  held  his  hand- 
kerchief in  front,  so  that  the  Carpenter  couldn't 
count  how  many  he  took :     contrariwise." 

"  That    was   mean !  "     Alice    said   indignantly. 

"  Then  I  like  the  Carpenter  best if  he  didn't 

eat  so  many  as  the  Walrus." 

"  But  he  ate  as  many  as  he  could  get,"  said 
Tweedledum. 

This  was  a  puzzler.  After  a  pause,  Alice 
began,  "  Well !     They  were    both   very  unpleasant 

characters "    Here  she  checked  herself  in  some 

alarm,    at    hearing    something    that    sounded    to 


80 


TWEEDLEDUM 


her  like  the  puffing  of  a  large  steam-engine  in 
the  wood  near  them,  though  she  feared  it  was 
more  likely  to  be  a  wild  beast.  "  Are  there  any 
lions  or  tigers  about  here  ?  "  she  asked  timidly. 

"It's  only  the  Eed  King  snoring,"  said 
Tweedledee. 

"  Come  and  look  at  him ! "  the  brothers  cried, 
and  they  each  took  one  of  Alice's  hands,  and  led 
her  up  to  where  the  King   was  sleeping. 


^&%%^™'wi&, 


:'%*%f^$M' 


"  Isn't  he  a  lovely  sight  \ "  said  Tweedledum. 
Alice  couldn't  say  honestly  that  he  was.     He 
had  a   tall   red   night-cap  on,   with  a  tassel,    and 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  81 

he  was  lying  crumpled  up  into  a  sort  of  untidy 

heap,  and  snoring  loud "  fit  to  snore  his  head 

off ! "    as  Tweedledum  remarked. 

"I'm   afraid   he'll   catch    cold   with   lying   on 
the    damp   grass,"   said    Alice,   who    was   a   very    . 
thoughtful  little  girl. 

"  He  's  dreaming  now, "  said  Tweedledee : 
"  and  what  do  you  think  he 's  dreaming 
about  ? " 

Alice  said  "  Nobody  can  guess  that." 

"Why,  about  you!"  Tweedledee  exclaimed, 
clapping  his  hands  triumphantly.  "  And  if  he 
left  off  dreaming  about  you,  where  do  you  sup- 
pose you  'd  be  ?  " 

"  Where  I  am  now,  of  course,"  said   Alice. 

"  Not  you  ! "  Tweedledee  retorted  contemptu- 
ously. "You'd  be  nowhere.  Why,  you're  only  a 
sort  of  thing  in  his  dream ! " 

"  If    that    there    King   was   to    wake,"   added 

Tweedledum,    "  you  'd    go    out bang ! just 

like  a  candle !  " 

"  I   shouldn't !  "    Alice   exclaimed   indignantly, 
a 


82  TWEEDLEDUM 

"  Besides,    if   I'm   only   a   sort    of    thing   in    bis 
dream,  what  are  you,  I  should  like  to  know  ? " 

"Ditto,"  said  Tweedledum. 

"Ditto,  ditto!"  cried  Tweedledee. 

He  shouted  this  so  loud  that  Alice  couldn't 
help  saying,  "  Hush !  You  11  be  waking  him, 
I  'm  afraid,  if  you  make  so  much  noise." 

"  Well,  it 's  no  use  your  talking  about  waking 
him,"  said  Tweedledum,  "  when  you  're  only  one 
of  the  things  in  his  dream.  You  know  very  well 
you  're  not  real." 

"  I  am  real ! "  said  Alice,  and  began  to   cry. 

"  You  won't  make  yourself  a  bit  realler  by 
crying,"  Tweedledee  remarked  :  "  there  's  nothing 
to  cry  about." 

"  If  I  wasn't  real,"  Alice  said — half-laughing 
through  her  tears,  it  all  seemed  so  ridiculous — 
"  I  shouldn't  be   able  to  cry." 

"  I  hope  you  don't  suppose  those  are  real 
tears  ? "  Tweedledum  interrupted  in  a  tone  of 
great  contempt. 

"  I    know    they  're    talking    nonsense,"    Alice 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  83 

thought  to  herself:  "and  it's  foolish  to  cry 
about  it."  So  she  brushed  away  her  tears,  and 
went  on  as  cheerfully  as  she  could,  "  At  any  rate 
I'd  better  be  getting  out  of  the  wood,  for 
really  it's  coming  on  very  dark.  Do  you  think 
it 's  going  to  rain  ? " 

Tweedledum  spread  a  large  umbrella  over 
himself  and   his   brother,    arid   looked  up  into  it. 

"  No,  I  don't  think  it  is,"  he  said  :    "at  least ■ 

not  under  here.     Nohow." 

"  But  it  may  rain  outside  f  " 

"  It  may if  it  chooses,"    said   Tweedledee  : 

"  we  've  no  objection.     Contrariwise." 

"  Selfish  things !  "  thought  Alice,  and  she  was 
just  going  to  say  "Good-night"  and  leave  them, 
when  Tweedledum  sprang  out  from  under  the 
umbrella,  and  seized  her  by  the  wrist. 

"Do   you    see    that?"    he    said,    in    a    voice 

choking   with    passion,    and  his    eyes   grew   large 

and  yellow  all  in  a  moment,  as  he  pointed  with 

a  trembling  finger  at  a  small  white   thing   lying 

under  the  tree. 

G2 


84 


TWEEDLEDUM 


"  It 's  only  a  rattle,"  Alice  said,  after  a  careful 
examinatic-D  of  the  little  white  thing.  "  Not  a 
xa,ttle-snake,  you  know/'  she  added  hastily,  think- 
ing that  he  was  frightened :  "  only  an  old  rattle 
quite  old  and  broken." 


"  I  knew  it  was  !  "  cried  Tweedledum,  begin- 
ning to  stamp  about  wildly  and  tear  his  hair. 
"  It 's  spoilt,  of  course ! "  Here  he  looked  at 
Tweedledee,  who  immediately  sat  down  on  the 
ground,  and  tried  to  hide  himself  under  the 
umbrella. 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE.  85 

Alice  laid  her  hand  upon  his  arm,  and  said 
in  a  soothing  tone,  "  You  needn't  be  so  angry 
about  an  old  rattle." 

"  But   it  isn't  old ! "    Tweedledum  cried,  in  a 

greater  fury  than  ever.     "  It's  new,  I  tell  you 

I  bought  it  yesterday my  nice  new  BATTLE  ! " 

and  his  voice  rose  to  a  perfect  scream. 

All  this  time  Tweedledee  was  trying  his  best 
to  fold  up  the  umbrella,  with  himself  in  it :  which 
was  such  an  extraordinary  thing  to  do,  that  it 
quite  took  off  Alice's  attention  from  the  angry 
brother.  But  he  couldn't  quite  succeed,  and  it 
ended  in  his  rolling  over,  bundled  up  in  the 
umbrella,  with  only  his  head  out :  and  there  he 
lay,  opening  and  shutting  his  mouth  and  his  large 
eyes "looking  more  like  a  fish  than  any- 
thing else,"  Alice  thought. 

"  Of  course  you  agree  to  have  a  battle  ? M 
Tweedledum   said  in   a  calmer  tone. 

"  I  suppose  so,"  the  other  sulkily  replied,  as 
he  crawled  out  of  the  umbrella :  "  only  she  must 
help  us  to  dress  up,  you  know." 


86  TWEEDLEDUM 

So   the   two    brothers   went   off    liancl-in-hand 
into  the  wood,    and    returned   in   a   minute    with 

their    arms    full    of   things such    as    bolsters, 

blankets,  hearth-rugs,  table-cloths,  dish-covers,  and 
coal-scuttles.  "  I  hope  you're  a  good  hand  at  pin- 
ning and  tying  strings  \ "  Tweedledum  remarked. 
"  Every  one  of  these  things  has  got  to  go  on, 
somehow  or  other." 

Alice  said  afterwards  she  had  never  seen  such 

a   fuss   made   about   anything  in  all  her  life 

the  way  those  two  bustled  about and  the  quan- 
tity  of    things   they    put   on and   the    trouble 

they   gave    her    in    tying    strings    and    fastening 

buttons "Really  they'll  be  more   like  bundles 

of  old  clothes  than  anything  else,  by  the  time 
they're  ready  ! "  she  said  to  herself,  as  she  arranged 
a  bolster  round  the  neck  of  Tweedledee,  "  to  keep 
his  head  from  being  cut  off,"  as  he  said. 

"  You   know,"    he   added    very   gravely,    "  it 's 
one  of  the  most  serious  things  that  can  possibly 

happen   to    one  in   a  battle to  get  one's  head 

cut  off." 


AND    TWEEDLEDEE. 


87 


Alice  laughed  loud :  but  she  managed  to  turn 
it  into  a  cough,  for  fear  of  hurting  his  feelings. 


"  Do  I  look  very  pale  % "  said  Tweedledum, 
coming  up  to  have  his  helmet  tied  on.  (He 
called  it  a  helmet,  though  it  certainly  looked 
much  more  like   a   saucepan.) 

"  Well yes a  little,"  Alice  replied  gently. 

"  I  'm  very  brave  generally,"  he  went  on  in 
a  low  voice :  "  only  to-day  I  happen  to  have 
a  headache." 


88  TWEEDLEDUM 

"  And  i"  've  got  a  toothache  ! "  said  Tweedle- 
dee,  who  had  overheard  the  remark.  "  I  'm  far 
worse  than  you  ! " 

"  Then  you'd  better  not  fight  to-day/'  said 
Alice,  thinking  it  a  good  opportunity  to  make 
peace. 

"  We  must  have  a  bit  of  a  fight,  but  I  don't 
care  about  going  on  long,"  said  Tweedledum. 
"  What's  the  time  now  ? " 

Tweedledee  looked  at  his  watch,  and  said 
"  Half-past  four." 

"  Let 's  fight  till  six,  and  then  have  dinner," 
said  Tweedledum. 

"  Very   well,"   the    other    said,    rather    sadly : 

"  and    she    can    watch    us only    you  'd  better 

not  come   very   close,"    he   added :     "  I   generally 

hit   everything   I   can   see when   I   get   really 

axcited." 

"  And  i"  hit  every  thing  within  reach/'  cried 
Tweedledum,    "  whether  I  can  see  it  or  not ! " 

Alice  laughed.  "You  must  hit  the  trees 
pretty  often,  I  should  think,"  she  said. 


AND   TWEEDLEDEE.  89 

Tweedledum  looked  round  him  with  a  satisfied 
smile.  "  I  don't  suppose,"  he  said,  "  there  11  be 
a  tree  left  standing,  for  ever  so  far  round,  by 
the  time  we  'ye  finished  ! " 

"  And  all  about  a  rattle ! "  said  Alice,  still 
hoping  to  make  them  a  little  ashamed  of  fighting 
for  such  a  trifle. 

"  I  shouldn't  have  minded  it  so  much,"  said 
Tweedledum,   "  if  it  hadn't  been  a  new  one." 

"  I  wish  the  monstrous  crow  would  come ! " 
thought  Alice. 

"  There's  only  one  sword,  you  know," 
Tweedledum  said  to  his  brother  :    "  but  you    can 

have  the  umbrella it's  quite  as  sharp.      Only 

we  must  begin  quick.  It's  getting  as  dark  as 
it  can." 

"  And  darker,"  said  Tweedledee. 

It  was  getting  dark  so  suddenly  that  Alice 
thought  there  must  be  a  thunderstorm  coming 
on.  "  What  a  thick  black  cloud  that  is  ! "  she 
said.  "  And  how  fast  it  comes !  Why,  I  do 
believe  it 's  got  wings  !  " 


90  TWEEDLEDUM   AND    TWEEDLEDEE. 

"  It «  the  crow ! "  Tweedledum  cried  out  in 
a  shrill  voice  of  alarm :  and  the  two  brothers 
took  to  their  heels  and  were  out  of  sight  in  a 
moment. 

Alice  ran  a  little  way  into  the  wood,  and 
stopped  under  a  large  tree.  "  It  can  never  get 
at  me  here,"  she  thought :  "  it 's  far  too  large  to 
squeeze   itself  in   among   the   trees.     But   I   wish 

it   wouldn't   flap    its    wings  so it  makes  quite 

a  hurricane  in  the  wood — —here's  somebody's 
shawl    being   blown    away  !  " 


CHAPTER   V. 


WOOL      AND      WATER. 


She  caught  the  shawl  as  she  sjDoke,  and  looked 
about  for  the  owner :  in  another  moment  the 
White  Queen  came  running  wildly  through  the 
wood,  with  both  arms  stretched  out  wide,  as  if 
she  were  flying,  and  Alice  very  civilly  went  to 
meet  her  with  the  shawl. 

"  I  'm  very  glad  I  happened  to  be  in  the 
way,"  Alice  said,  as  she  helped  her  to  put  on 
her  shawl  again. 

The  White  Queen  only  looked  at  her  in  a 
helpless  frightened  sort  of  way,  and  kept  repeat- 
ing    something     in    a    whisper    to     herself    that 


92  WOOL   AND   WATER. 

sounded  like  "  Bread-and-butter,  bread-and-butter," 
and  Alice  felt  that  if  there  was  to  be  any  con- 
versation at  all,  she  must  manage  it  herself. 
So  she  began  rather  timidly :  "  Am  I  addressing 
the  White  Queen  ?  " 

"  Well,  yes,  if  you  call  that  a-dressing,"  the 
Queen  said.  "  It  isn't  my  notion  of  the  thing, 
at  all." 

Alice  thought  it  would  never  do  to  have  an 
argument  at  the  very  beginning  of  their  con- 
versation, so  she  smiled  and  said,  "If  your 
Majesty  will  only  tell  me  the  right  way  to  begin, 
111  do  it  as  well  as  I  can." 

"  But  I  don't  want  it  done  at  all ! "  groaned 
the  poor  Queen.  "  I  Ve  been  a-dressing  myself 
for  the  last  two  hours." 

It  would  have  been  all  the  better,  as  it 
seemed  to  Alice,  if  she  had  got  some  one  else  to 
dress  her,  she  was  so  dreadfully  untidy.  "Every 
single  thing's   crooked,"  Alice  thought  to  herself, 

"and   she's   all   over   pins! May  I   put   your 

shawl  straight  for  you?"    she  added  aloud. 


WOOL   AND    WATER. 


93 


"  I  don't  know  what 's  the  matter  with  it !  " 
the  Queen  said,  in  a  melancholy  voice.  "  It 's 
out  of  temper, 
I  think.  I  've 
pinned  it  here, 
and  I  Ve  pin- 
ned it  there, 
but  there 's  no. 
pleasing  it !  " 

" It  cant  go 
straight,  you 
know,  if  you 
pin  it  all  on 
one  side,"  Alice 
said,  as  she 
gently  put  it 
right  for  her ; 
your  hair  is  in  \" 

"  The  brush  has  got  entangled  in  it ! " 
the  Queen  said  with  a  sigh.  "And  I  lost  the 
comb  yesterday." 

Alice   carefully   released   the    brush,    and    did 


^$&&~%%&. 


"  and,    dear    me,    what    a    state 


94  WOOL    AND    WATER. 

her  best  to  get  the  hair  into  order.  "  Come, 
you  look  rather  better  now ! "  she  said,  after 
altering  most  of  the  pins.  "  But  really  you 
should  have  a  lady's-maid  !  " 

"  I  'm  sure  I  '11  take  you  with  pleasure !  "  the 
Queen  said.  "  Twopence  a  week,  and  jam  every 
other  day." 

Alice  couldn't  help  laughing,  as  she  said,    "  I 

don't   want   you   to  hire  me and  I  don't  care 

for  jam." 

"It's  very  good  jam,"  said  the  Queen. 

"  Well,  I  don't  want  any  to-day,  at  any  rate." 

"  You  couldn't  have  it  if  you  did  want  it," 
the  Queen  said.  "The  rule  is,  jam  to-morrow 
and  jam  yesterday but  never  jam  to-day." 

"It  must  come  sometimes  to  'jam  to-day,"; 
Alice  objected. 

"No,  it  can't,"  said  the  Queen.  "It's  jam 
every  other  day :  to-day  isn't  any  other  day, 
you  know." 

"  I  don't  understand  you,"  said  Alice.  "  It 's 
dreadfully  confusing ! " 


WOOL   AND    WATER.  95 

"  That 's  the  effect  of  living  backwards,"  the 
Queen  said  kindly :  "it  always  makes  one  a 
little  giddy  at  first 

"  Living  backwards ! "  Alice  repeated  in  great 
astonishment.     "  I  never  heard  of  such  a  thing; !  " 

" but   there's    one   great   advantage   in   it, 

that  one's  memory  works  both  ways." 

"I'm  sure  .mine  only  works  one  way,"  Alice 
remarked.  "  I  can't  remember  things  before 
they  happen," 

"It's  a  poor  sort  of  memory  that  only  works 
backwards,"  the    Queen  remarked. 

u  What  sort  of  things  do  you  remember  best  ? " 
Alice  ventured  to  ask. 

"  Oh,  things  that  happened  the  week  after 
next,"  the  Queen  replied  in  a  careless  tone. 
"  For  instance,  now,"  she  went  on,  sticking  a 
large  piece  of  plaster  on  her  finger  as  she 
spoke,  "there's,  the  King's  Messenger.  He's  in 
prison  now,  being  punished :  and  the  trial 
doesn't  even  begin  till  next  Wednesday  :  and  of 
course  the  crime  comes  last  of  all." 


96 


WOOL    AND    WATER. 


"  Suppose  he  never 
commits  the  crime  ?  " 
said  Alice. 

"  That  would  be  all 
the  better,  wouldn't 
it  ?  "  the  Queen  said, 
as  she  bound  the  plas- 
ter round  her  finger 
with  a  bit  of  ribbon. 

Alice  felt  there 
was  no  denying  that. 
"  Of  course  it  would  ^^t&rs&smp 

be  all    the   better,"  she   said:     "but  it   wouldn't 
be    all   the   better  his  being  punished." 

"  You  're  wrong  there,  at  any  rate,"  said  the 
Queen  :    "  were  you  ever  punished  ? " 

"  Only  for  faults,"  said  Alice. 

"  And  you  were  all  the  better  for  it,  I  know ! " 
the  Queen  said  triumphantly. 

"  Yes,  but  then  I  had  done  the  things  I  was 
punished  for,"  said  Alice :  "  that  makes  all  the 
difference." 


WOOL    AND    WATER.  97 

"  But  if  you  hadn't  done  them,"  the  Queen 
said,  "  that  would  have  been  better  still ;  better, 
and  better,  and  better ! "  Her  voice  went  higher 
with  each  "  better,"  till  it  got  quite  to  a  squeak 
at  last. 

Alice  was  just   beginning   to    say  "  There 's   a 

mistake  somewhere ,"  wdien  the  Queen  began 

screaming,  so  loud  that  she  had  to  leave  the 
sentence  unfinished.  "  Oh,  oh,  oh ! "  shouted  the 
Queen,  shaking  her  hand  about  as  if  she  wanted 
to  shake  it  off.  .  "  My  finger 's  bleeding !  Oh, 
oh,   oh,  oh  !  " 

Her  screams  were  so  exactly  like  the  whistle 
of  a  steam-engine,  that  Alice  had  to  hold  both 
her  hands  over  her  ears. 

"  What  is  the  matter  ? "  she  said,  as  soon  as 
there  was  a  chance  of  making  herself  heard. 
"  Have  you  pricked  your  finger  ?  " 

"  I  haven't  pricked  it  yet"  the  Queen  said, 
"  but  I  soon  shall oh,  oh,  oh  1 " 

"  When  do  you  expect  to  do  it  ? "  Alice  asked, 
feeling  very  much  inclined  to  laugh. 

H 


S8  WOOL    AND    WATER. 

"  When  I  fasten  my  shawl  again,"  the  poor 
Queen  groaned  out :  "  the  brooch  will  come  un- 
done directly.  Oh,  oh ! "  As  she  said  the  words 
the  brooch  flew  open,  and  the  Queen  clutched 
wildly  at   it,    and  tried  to  clasp  it  again. 

"  Take  care  !  "  cried  Alice.  "  You  're  holding 
it  all  crooked ! "  And  she  caught  at  the  brooch ; 
but  it  was  too  late  :  the  pin  had  slipped,  and  the 
Queen  had  pricked  her  finger. 

"  That  accounts  for  the  bleeding,  you  see," 
she  said  to  Alice  with  a  smile.  "Now  you  under- 
stand the  way  things  happen  here." 

"  But  why  don't  you  scream  now  ? "  Alice 
asked,  holding  her  hands  ready  to  put  over  her 
ears  again. 

"Why,  I've  done  all  the  screaming  already," 
said  the  Queen.  "  What  would  be  the  good  of 
having  it  all  over  again?" 

By  this  time  it  was  getting  light.  "  The  crow 
must  have  flown  away,  I  think,"  said  Alice  : 
"I'm  so  glad  it's  gone.  I  thought  it  was  the 
night  coming  on." 


WOOL  AND  WATER.  99 

"  I  wish  /  could  manage  to  be  glad ! "  the 
Queen  said.  "  Only  I  never  can  remember  the 
rule.  You  must  be  very  happy,  living  in  this 
wood,   and  being  glad  whenever  you  like ! " 

"  Only  it  is  so  very  lonely  here !  "■  Alice  said 
in  a  melancholy  voice ;  and  at  the  thought  of 
her  loneliness  two  large  tears  came  rolling  down 
her  cheeks. 

"  Oh,  don't  go  on  like  that !  "  cried  the 
poor  Queen,  wringing  her  hands  in  despair. 
"  Consider  what  a  great  girl  you  are.  Consider 
what  a  long  way  you've  come  to-day.  Con- 
sider what  o'clock  it  is.  Consider  anything, 
only  don't  cry  ! " 

Alice  could  not  help  laughing  at  this,  even 
in  the  midst  of  her  tears.  "  Can  you  keep  from 
crying  by  considering  things  ? "    she  asked. 

"That's  the  way  it's  done,"  the  Queen 
said  with  great  decision  :  "  nobody  can  do  two 
things  at  once,  you  know.  Let's  consider  your 
age  to  begin  with how  old  are  you  ?  " 

"  I  'm  seven   and  a  half  exactly." 
H  2 


100  WOOL    AND    WATER. 

"  You  needn't  say  '  exactually,' "  the  Queen 
remarked :  "I  can  believe  it  without  that.  Now 
111  give  you  something  to  believe.  I'm  just 
one  hundred  and  one,  five  months  and  a  day." 

"  I  can't  believe  that ! "   said  Alice. 

"  Can't  you  ? "  the  Queen  said  in  a  pitying 
tone.  "  Try  again :  draw  a  long  breath,  and 
shut  your  eyes." 

Alice  laughed.  "There's  no  use  trying,"  she 
said :    "  one  cant  believe  impossible   things." 

"  I  daresay  you  haven't  had  much  practice," 
said  the  Queen.  "  When  I  was  your  age,  I 
always  did  it  for  half-an-hour  a  day.  Why, 
sometimes  I've  believed  as  many  as  six  im- 
possible things  before  breakfast.  There  goes 
the   shawl  again  !  " 

The  brooch  had  come  undone  as  she  spoke, 
and  a  sudden  gust  of  wind  blew  the  Queen's 
shawl  across  a  little  brook.  The  Queen  spread 
out  her  arms  again,  and  went  flying  after  it,  and 
this  time  she  succeeded  in  catching  it  for  herself. 
"I've  got  it!"    she   cried  in  a  triumphant  tone. 


WOOL    AND    WATER.  101 

"  Now   you    shall    see   me   pin   it   on   again,    all 
by  myself ! " 

"  Then  I  hope  your  finger  is  better  now  ? " 
Alice  said  very  politely,  as  she  crossed  the  little 
brook  after  the  Queen. 


"  Oh,  much  better  !  "  cried  the  Queen,  her  voice 
rising  into  a  squeak  as  she  went  on.  "Much 
be-etter!  Be-etter !  Be-e-e-etter  !  Be-e-ehh  !  "  The 
last  word  ended  in  a  long  bleat,  so  like  a  sheep 
that  Alice  quite  started. 

She  looked  at  the  Queen,  who  seemed  to 
have  suddenly  wrapped  herself  up  in  wool.  Alice 
rubbed  her  eyes,  and  looked  again.  She  couldn't 
make  out  what  had  happened  at   all.      Was    she 

in  a  shop  ?    And  was  that  really was  it  really 

a  sheep  that  was  sitting  on  the  other  side  of  the 
counter  ?  Rub  as  she  would,  she  could  make 
nothing   more   of    it :     she   was   in   a   little    dark 


102 


WOOL    AND    WAT  EH. 


shop,  leaning  with  her  elbows  on  the  counter, 
and  opposite  to  her  was  an  old  Sheep,  sitting  in 
an  arm-chair  knitting,  and  every  now  and  then 
leaving  off  to  look  at  her  through  a  great  pair 
of  spectacles. 

"  What  is  it   you  want   to   buy  V*   the  Sheep 


WOOL    AND    WATER.  103 

said  at  last,  looking  up  for  a  moment  from  her 
knitting. 

"  I  don't  quite  know  yet,"  Alice  said  very 
gently.  "I  should  like  to  look  all  round  me 
first,  if  I  might." 

"  You  may  look  in  front  of  you,  and  on  both 
sides,    if  you   like,"    said   the    Sheep ;     "  but   you 

can't    look   all   round   you unless   you've   got 

eyes  at  the  back  of  your  head." 

But  these,  as  it  happened,  Alice  had  not  got : 
so  she  contented  herself  with  turning  round, 
looking  at  the  shelves  as  she  came  to  them. 

The    shop   seemed   to    be   full    of    all    manner 

of  curious   things but   the   oddest   part    of    it 

all  was,  that  whenever  she  looked  hard  at  any 
shelf,  to  make  out  exactly  what  it  had  on  it, 
that  particular  shelf  was  always  quite  empty : 
though  the  others  round  it  were  crowded  as  full 
as  they  could  hold. 

"  Things  flow  about  so  here  ! "  she  said  at 
last  in  a  plaintive  tone,  after  she  had  spent  a 
minute    or   so  in   vainly  pursuing  a   large  bright 


04  WOOL    AND    WATEK. 

thing,  that  looked  sometimes  like  a  doll  and 
sometimes  like  a  work-box,  and  was  always  in 
the  shelf  next  above  the  one  she  was  looking  at. 

"  And  this  one  is  the  most  provoking  of  all 

but    I'll     tell    you   what "  she    added,    as    a 

sudden  thought  struck  her,  "  1 11  follow  it  up 
to  the  very  top  shelf  of  all.  It'll  puzzle  it  to 
go  through  the  ceiling,  I  expect ! " 

But  even  this  plan  failed  :  the  '  thing '  went 
through  the  ceiling  as  quietly  as  possible,  as  if 
it  were  quite  used  to  it. 

"Are  you  a  child  or  a  teetotum?"  the  Sheep 
said,  as  she  took  up  another  pair  of  needles. 
"  You  11  make  me  giddy  soon,  if  you  go  on 
turning  round  like  that."  She  was  now  working 
with  fourteen  pairs  at  once,  and  Alice  couldn't 
help  looking  at  her  in  great  astonishment. 

"  How  can  she  knit  with  so  many  ? "  the 
puzzled  child  thought  to  herself.  "  She  gets 
more  and  more    like  a  porcupine  every  minute !  " 

"  Can  you  row  % "  the  Sheep  asked,  handing 
her  a  pair  of  knitting-needles  as  she  spoke. 


WOOL    AND    WATER.  105 

"  Yes,    a    little but    not    on    land and 

not   with    needles "   Alice    was   beginning   to 

say,  when  suddenly  the  needles  turned  into  oars 
in  her  hands,  and  she  found  they  were  in  a 
little  boat,  gliding  along  between  banks :  so 
there  was  nothing  for  it  but  to  do  her  best. 

"  Feather  ! "  cried  the  Sheep,  as  she  took  up 
another  pair  of  needles. 

This  didn't  sound  like  a  remark  that  needed 
any  answer,  so  Alice  said  nothing,  but  pulled 
away.  There  was  something  very  queer  about 
the  water,  she  thought,  as  every  now  and  then 
the  oars  got  fast  in  it,  and  would  hardly  come 
out  again. 

"  Feather !  Feather  !  "  the  Sheep  cried  again, 
taking  more  needles.  "You'll  be  catching  a 
crab  directly." 

"  A  dear  little  crab  !  "  thought  Alice.  "  I 
should  like  that." 

"Didn't  you  hear  me  say  'Feather'?"  the 
Sheep  cried  angrily,  taking  up  quite  a  bunch 
of  needles. 


106  WOOL    AND    WATER. 

"  Indeed   I    did,"   said    Alice  :     "  you  Ve    said 

it   very   often and   very   loud.      Please,  where 

are  the  crabs  ?  " 

"  In  the  water,  of  course ! "  said  the  Sheep, 
sticking  some  of  the  needles  into  her  hair,  as 
her  hands  were  full.       "  Feather,  I   say  !  "■ 

"  Why  do  you  say  '  Feather '  so  often  ?  "  Alice 
asked  at  last,  rather  vexed.     "I'm  not  a  bird!" 

"  You  are,"  said  the  Sheep  :  "  you  're  a  little 
goose." 

This  offended  Alice  a  little,  so  there  was  no 
more  conversation  for  a  minute  or  two,  while 
the  boat  glided  gently  on,  sometimes  among 
beds  of  weeds  (which  made  the  oars  stick  fast 
in  the  water,  worse  than  ever),  and  sometimes 
under  trees,  but  always  with  the  same  tall 
river-banks  frowning  over  their  heads. 

"  Oh,  please !  There  are  some  scented  rushes  !  " 
Alice  cried  in  a  sudden  transport  of  delight. 
"  There  really  are and  such  beauties  ! " 

"  You  needn't  say  '  please '  to  me  about  'em," 
the    Sheep    said,    without    looking     up    from    her 


WOOL    AND    WATER.  107 

knitting :    "  I  didn't  put  'em  there,  and   I  'm  not 
going  to  take  'em  away." 

"No,    but    I   meant- please,   may   we    wait 

and  pick  some  ? "    Alice  pleaded.     "  If  you  don't 
mind  stopping  the  boat  for  a  minute." 

"  How  am  /  to  stop  it  ? "  said  the  Sheep. 
"  If  you  leave    off  rowing,    it  '11  stop    of  itself." 

So  the  boat  was  left  to  drift  down  the  stream 
as  it  would,  till  it  glided  gently  in  among  the 
waving  rushes.  And  then  the  little  sleeves  were 
carefully  rolled  up,  and  the  little  arms  were 
plunged  in  elbow-deep,  to  get  hold  of  the  rushes 
a   good    long    way    down    before    breaking   them 

off and  for   a   while    Alice    forgot    all    about 

the  Sheep  and  the  knitting,  as  she  beut  over  the 
side    of    the    boat,    with    just     the    ends    of   her 

tangled    hair    dipping    into     the   water while 

with  bright  eager  eyes  she   caught  at  one  bunch 
after  another  of  the   darling  scented  rushes. 

"  I  only  hope  the  boat  won't  tipple  over ! " 
she  said  to  herself.  "  Oh,  what  a  lovely  one ! 
Only    I    couldn't    quite    reach   it."      And   it   cer- 


108  WOOL    AND    WATER. 

tainly  did  seem  a  little  provoking  ("  almost  as 
if  it  happened  on  purpose,"  slie  thought)  that, 
though  she  managed  to  pick  plenty  of  beautiful 
rushes  as  the  boat  glided  by,  there  was  always 
a  more  lovely  one   that  she  couldn't  reach. 

"  The  prettiest  are  always  further ! "  she 
said  at  last,  with  a  sigh  at  the  obstinacy 
of  the  rushes  in  growing  so  far  off,  as,  with 
flushed  cheeks  and  dripping  hair  and  hands, 
she  scrambled  back  into  her  place,  and  began 
to  arrange  her  new-found  treasures. 

What  mattered  it  to  her  just  then  that 
the  rushes  had  begun  to  fade,  and  to  lose  all 
their  scent  and  beauty,  from  the  very  moment 
that  she  picked  them  ?     Even  real  scented  rushes, 

you   know,   last  only  a  very  little   while and 

these,    being    dream-rushes,    melted    away    almost 

like  snow,  as  they  lay  in  heaps  at  her  feet ■ 

but  Alice  hardly  noticed  this,  there  were  so  many 
other  curious  things  to  think  about. 

They  hadn't  gone  much  farther  before  the 
blade  of  one   of  the    oars  got    fast   in    the   water 


WOOL    AND   WATER.  109 

and  wouldn't  come  out  again  (so  Alice  explained 
it  afterwards),  and  the  consequence  was  that 
the  handle  of  it  caught  her  under  the  chin,  and, 
in  spite  of  a  series  of  little  shrieks  of  '  Oh,  oh, 
oh ! '  from  poor  Alice,  it  swept  her  straight  off 
the  seat,   and  down  among  the  heap   of  rushes. 

However,  she  wasn't  a  bit  hurt,  and  was  soon 
up  again :  the  Sheep  went  on  with  her  knitting 
all  the  while,  just  as  if  nothing  had  happened! 
"  That  was  a  nice  crab  you  caught ! "  she  re- 
marked, as  Alice  got  back  into  her  place,  very  much 
relieved  to  find   herself  still  in  the  boat. 

"  Was  it  ?  I  didn't  see  it,"  said  Alice,  peeping 
cautiously   over   the    side   of    the    boat    into    the 

dark    water.       "  I    wish    it    hadn't    let    go 1 

should  so  like  a  little  crab  to  take  home  with 
me ! "  But  the  Sheep  only  laughed  scornfully, 
and   went  on  with  her  knitting. 

"  Are  there  many  crabs  here  ? "    said  Alice. 

"  Crabs,  and  all  sorts  of  things,"  said  the 
Sheep  :  "  plenty  of  choice,  only  make  up  your 
mind.     Now,   what   do   you  want  to  buy  ? " 


110 


WOOL    AND    WATER. 


"  To  buy !  "    Alice  echoed  in  a  tone  that  was 

half   astonished    and    half    frightened for    the 

oars,    and   the   boat,  and  the  river,    had    vanished 


WOOL    AND    WATER.  Ill 

all  in  a  moment,  and  she  was  back  again  in 
the  little  dark  shop. 

"  I  should  like  to  buy  an  egg,  please,"  she 
said   timidly.     "  How  do  you  sell  them  ? " 

"  Fivepence  farthing  for  one- twopence  for 

two,"  the  Sheep  replied. 

"  Then  two  are  cheaper  than  one  \ "  Alice 
said  in  a  surprised  tone,   taking  out  her  purse. 

"  Only  you  must  eat  them  both,  if  you  buy 
two,"  said   the  Sheep. 

"  Then  I  '11  have  one,  please,"  said  Alice,  as 
she  put  the  money  down  on  the  counter.  For 
she  thought  to  herself,  "  They  mightn't  be  at 
all  nice,  you  know." 

The  Sheep  took  the  money,  and  put  it  away 
in   a  box :     then    she   said    "  I   never   put   things 

into  people's  hands that  would  never  do 

you  must  get  it  for  }^ourself."  And  so  saying, 
she  went  off  to  the  other  end  of  the  shop,  and 
set  the  egg  upright  on  a  shelf. 

"  I  wonder  why  it  wouldn't  do  ? "  thought 
Alice,   as   she  groped   her  way  among  the  tables 


112  WOOL    AND    WATER. 

and  chairs,  for  the  shop  was  very  dark  towards 
the  end.  "  The  egg  seems  to  get  further  away 
the  more  I  walk  towards  it.  Let  me  see,  is  this 
a  chair  ?  Why,  it 's  got  branches,  I  declare ! 
How  very  odd  to  find  trees  growing  here ! 
And  actually  here 's  a  little  brook !  Well,  this 
is  the  very  queerest  shop   I   ever  saw ! " 


So  she  went  on,  wondering  more  and  more 
at  every  step,  as  everything  turned  into  a  tree 
the  moment  she  came  up  to  it,  and  she  quite 
expected   the  egg  to  do  the  same. 


CHAPTER    VI. 


HUMPTY      DUMPTY. 


However,  the  egg  only  got  larger  and  larger, 
and  more  and  more  human :  when  she  had  come 
within  a  few  yards  of  it,  she  saw  that  it  had 
eyes  and  a  nose  and  mouth ;  and  when  she 
had  come  close  to  it,  she  saw  clearly  that  it 
was  HUMPTY  DUMPTY  himself.  "  It  can't  be 
anybody  else ! "  she  said  to  herself.  "  J  'm  as 
certain  of  it,  as  if  his  name  were  written  all 
over  his  face   " 

It  might  have  been  written  a  hundred  times, 
easily,  on  that  enormous  face.  Humpty  Dumpty 
was   sitting   with   his  legs   crossed,  like    a   Turk, 

i 


114  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

on  the  top  of  a  high,  wall — —such  a  narrow  one 
that  Alice  quite  wondered  how  he  could  keep 
his  balance and,  as  his  eyes  were  steadily- 
fixed  in  the  opposite  direction,  and  he  didn't 
take  the  least  notice  of  her,  she  thought  he 
must  be  a  stuffed  figure  after  all. 

"  And  how  exactly  like  an  egg  he  is !  "  she 
said  aloud,  standing  with  her  hands  ready  to 
catch  him,  for  she  was  every  moment  expecting 
him  to  fall. 

"It's  very  provoking,"  Humpty  Dumpty  said 
after  a  long  silence,  looking  away  from  Alice  as 
he  spoke,  "to  be  called  an  egg very ! " 

"  I  said  you  looked  like  an  egg,  Sir,"  Alice 
gently  explained.  "And  some  eggs  are  very 
pretty,  you  know,"  she  added,  hoping  to  turn 
her  remark  into   a  sort;   of  compliment. 

"  Some  people,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty,  look- 
ing away  from  her  as  usual,  "  have  no  more 
sense  than  a  baby ! " 

Alice  didn't  know  what  to  say  to  this :  it 
wasn't   at   all   like  conversation,    she   thought,    as 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  115 

he  never  said  anything  to  her;   in  fact,   his  last 

remark   was    evidently  addressed  to   a  tree so 

she  stood  and   softly  repeated  to  herself: — 

" Humpty  Dumpty  sat  on  a  wall: 
Humpty  Dumpty  had  a  great  fall. 
All  the  Kings  horses  and  all  the  King's  men 
Couldn't  put  Humpty  Dumpty  in  his  place  again." 

"That  last  line  is  much  too  long  for  the 
poetry,"  she  added,  almost  out  loud,  forgetting 
that  Humpty  Dumpty  would  hear  her. 

"  Don't  stand  chattering  to  yourself  like  that," 
Humpty  Dumpty  said,  looking  at  her  for  the 
first  time,  "  but  tell  me  your  name  and  your 
business." 

"  My  name  is  Alice,   but " 

"  It 's  a  stupid  name  enough ! "  Humpty 
Dumpty  interrupted  impatiently.  "  What  does 
it  mean?" 

"Must  a  name  mean  something?"  Alice 
asked  doubtfully. 

i  2 


116  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

"  Of  course  it  must,"  Humpty  Dumpty  said 
with  a  short  laugh:    "my  name  means  the  shape 

I  am and  a   good   handsome    shape  it  is,  too. 

With  a  name  like  yours,  you  might  be  any 
shape,  almost." 

"  Why  do  you  sit  out  here  all  alone  ? "  said 
Alice,  not  wishing  to  begin  an  argument. 

"  Why,  because  there 's  nobody  with  me  !  " 
cried  Humpty  Dumpty.  "  Did  you  think  I  didn't 
know  the  answer  to  that  ?      Ask  another/' 

"Don't  you  think  you'd  be  safer  down  on 
the  ground  ? "  Alice  went  on,  not  with  any 
idea  of  making  another  riddle,  but  simply  in 
her  good-natured  anxiety  for  the  queer  creature. 
"  That  wall  is  so  very  narrow ! " 

"  What  tremendously  easy  riddles  you  ask ! " 
Humpty   Dumpty   growled    out.       "  Of    course    I 

don't  think  so !     Why,  if  ever  I  did  fall  off 

which  there 's  no  chance  of but  if  I  did ' 

Here  he  pursed  up  his  lips,  and  looked  so  solemn 
and  grand  that  Alice  could  hardly  help  laughing. 
"  If   I   did   fall,"   he   went   on,    "  the    King  has 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  117 

promised  me ah,  you  may  turn  pale,    if   you 

like!      You    didn't    think    I    was    going    to    say 

that,  did  you?      The  King  has  promised  me 

with  his  very  own  mouth to to " 

"To  send  all  his  horses  and  all  his  men," 
Alice  interrupted,  rather  unwisely. 

"Now  I  declare  that's  too  bad!"  Hompty 
Dumpty  cried,    breaking    into    a   sudden    passion. 

"You've  been  listening   at  doors and   behind 

trees and   down   chimneys or  you  couldn't 

have  known  it !  " 

"I  haven't,  indeed!"  Alice  said  very  gently. 
"It's  in  a  book." 

"  Ah,  well !  They  may  write  such  things  in 
a  hook"  Humpty  Dumpty  said  in  a  calmer  tone. 
"That's  what  you  call  a  History  of  England, 
that  is.  Now,  take  a  good  look  at  me !  I  'ra 
one  that  has  spoken  to  a  King,  I  am  :  mayhap 
you'll  never  see  such  another:  and  to  show 
you  I  'm  not  proud,  you  may  shake  hands  with 
me  ! "  And  he  grinned  almost  from  ear  to  ear, 
as    he    leant    forwards   (and   as   nearly  as    possible 


118 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 


fell  off  the  wall  in  doing 

so)   and  offered  Alice  his 

hand.     She   watched  him 

a   little   anxiously  as  she 

f    he    smiled 

much   more,    the  ends   of 

~f.     his    mouth     mio;ht     meet 

behind,"      she      thought : 

"  and   then    I    don't   know    what   would    happen 

to  his  head !     I  'm  afraid  it  would  come  off !  " 

"  Yes,  all  his  horses  and  all  his  men,"  Humpty 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  119 

Dumpty  went  on.  "They'd  pick  me  up  again 
in  a  minute,  they  would !  However,  this  con- 
versation is  going  on  a  little  too  fast :  let 's  go 
back  to  the  last  remark  but  one." 

"  I  'm  afraid  I  can't  quite  remember  it,"  Alice 
said   very  politely. 

"  In  that  case  we  start  fresh,"  said  Humpty 
Dumpty,  "and  it's  my  turn  to  choose  a  sub- 
ject  "    (-"  He   talks  about  it  just  as  if  it   was 

a  game  ! "  thought  Alice.)  "  So  here 's  a  question 
for  you.     How  old  did  you  say  you  were  ? " 

Alice  made  a  short  calculation,  and  said 
"  Seven  years   and  six  months." 

"  Wrong !  "  Humpty  Dumpty  exclaimed  tri- 
umphantly.    "  You   never  said  a  word  like  it ! " 

"  I  thought  you  meant  '  How  old  are  you  V 
Alice  explained. 

"If  I 'd  meant  that,  I 'd  have  said  it,"  said 
Humpty  Dumpty. 

Alice  didn't  want  to  begin  another  argu- 
ment, so  she  said   nothing. 

"  Seven    years    and    six    months ! "     Humpty 


120  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

Dumpty    repeated     thoughtfully.       "An     uncom- 
fortable   sort  of   age.      Now    if  you  'd   asked   my 

advice,   I'd  have   said  'Leave   off    at   seven' 

but  it's  too  late  now." 

"  I  never  ask  advice  about  growing,"  Alice 
said  indignantly. 

"  Too  proud  ? "   the  other  enquired. 

Alice  felt  even  more  indignant  at  this  sug- 
gestion. "  I  mean,"  she  said,  "  that  one  can't 
help  growing  older." 

"  One  can't,  perhaps,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty, 
"  but  two  can.  With  proper  assistance,  you  might 
have  left  off  at  seven." 

"  What  a  beautiful  belt  you  Ve  got  on ! " 
Alice  suddenly  remarked.  (They  had  had  quite 
enough  of  the  subject  of  age,  she  thought :  and 
if  they  really  were  to  take  turns  in  choosing 
subjects,  it  was  her  turn  now.)  "  At  least," 
she    corrected    herself    on    second    thoughts,    "  a 

beautiful     cravat,     I    should    have    said no,    a 

belt,  I  mean 1  beg  your  pardon!"    she  added 

in  dismay,  for  Humpty  Dumpty  looked  thoroughly 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  121 

offended,  and  she  began  to  wish  she  hadn't 
chosen  that  subject.  "  If  only  I  knew,"  she 
thought  to  herself,  "  which  was  neck  and  which 
was  waist ! " 

Evidently  Humpty  Dumpty  was  very  angry, 
though  he  said  nothing  for  a  minute  or  two. 
When  he  did  speak  again,  it  was  in  a  deep 
growl. 

"  It     is      a most provoking — —thing," 

he  said  at  last,  "  when  a  person  doesn't  know 
a  cravat  from   a  belt !  " 

"  I  know  it 's  very  ignorant  of  me,"  Alice 
said,  in  so  humble  a  tone  that  Humpty  Dumpty 
relented. 

"  It 's  a  cravat,  child,  and  a  beautiful  one,  as 
you  say.  It's  a  present  from  the  White  King 
and  Queen.     There  now  !  " 

"  Is  it  really  ? "  said  Alice,  quite  pleased  to 
find  that  she  had  chosen  a  good  subject,  after 
all. 

"  They  gave  it  me,"  Humpty  Dumpty  con- 
tinued thoughtfully,   as  he  crossed  one  knee  over 


122  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

the  other  and  clasped  his  hands  round  it,  "they 
gave  it  me for  an  un-birthday  present." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon  ? "  Alice  said  with  a 
puzzled  air. 

"  I  'ru  not  offended,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty. 

"  I  mean,  what  is  an  un-birthday  present  ? " 

"  A  present  given  when  it  isn't  your  birthday, 
of  course." 

Alice  considered  a  little.  "  I  like  birthday 
presents  best,"  she  said  at  last. 

"  You  don't  know  what  you  're  talking 
about !  "  cried  Humpty  Dumpty.  "  How  many 
days  are  there  in  a  year  ? " 

"  Three  hundred  and  sixty-five,"  said  Alice. 

"  And  how  many  birthdays  have  you  ? " 

"  One." 

"  And  if  you  take  one  from  three  hundred 
and  sixty-five,   what  remains  ?  " 

"  Three  hundred  and  sixty-four,  of  course." 

Humpty  Dumpty  looked  doubtful.  "  I  'd  rather 
see  that  done  on   paper,"  he  said. 

Alice    couldn't    help   smiling   as  she  took   out 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  123 

her    memorandum-book,     and    worked    the     sum 

for  him  : 

365 
1 


364 


Humpty  Dumpty  took  the  book,  and  looked  at 

it  carefully.      "That  seems  to  be  done  right " 

he  began. 

"  You  '"re  holding  it  upside  down ! "  Alice 
interrupted. 

"To  be  sure  I  was ! "  Humpty  Dumpty 
said  gaily,  as  she  turned  it  round  for  him.  "  I 
thought  it  looked  a  little  queer.     As  I  was  saying, 

that  seems  to  be  done  right though  I  haven't 

time   to   look   it   over   thoroughly    just    now 

and  that  shows  that  there  are  three  hundred 
and  sixty-four  days  when  you  might  get  un- 
birthday  presents " 

"  Certainly,"  said  Alice. 

"  And  only  one  for  birthday  presents,  you 
know.     There's  glory  for  you  !  " 


124  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

1 "  I   don't  know  what   you   mean  by  '  glory,' '; 
Alice  said. 

Humpty  Dumpty  smiled  contemptuously.     "  Of 

course   you   don't till   I    tell    you.       I    meant 

'  there  's  a  nice  knock-down  argument  for  you !  ' 

"But    'glory'    doesn't    mean   'a   nice    knock- 
down  argument/  "  Alice  objected. 

"  When    I   use    a    word,"    Humpty    Dumpty 
said    in    rather   a  scornful   tone,    "it   means    just 

what     I     choose    it     to     mean neither    more 

nor  less." 

"  The  question   is,"  said  Alice,   "  whether   you 
can  make  words  mean  so  many  different  things." 

"  The    question    is,"    said    Humpty   Dumpty, 
"which   is  to  be  master that's  all." 

Alice  was  too  much  puzzled  to  say  anything, 
so     after      a     minute     Humpty    Dumpty     began 

again.     "They've    a  temper,    some    of   them 

particularly  verbs  ,   they're  the  proudest adjec- 
tives you    can    do    anything  with,    but  not  verbs 

however,   I    can    manage    the    whole    lot    of 

them  !     Impenetrability  !     That 's   what   /  say  !  " 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  125 

"  Would  you  tell  me,  please,"  said  Alice, 
"  what  that  means  ?  " 

"  Now  you  talk  like  a  reasonable  child,"  said 
Humpty  Dumpty,  looking  very  much  pleased. 
"  I  meant  by  '  impenetrability '  that  we  Ve  had 
enough  of  that  subject,  and  it  would  be  just  as 
well  if  you  'd  mention  what  you  mean  to  do 
next,  as  I  suppose  you  don't  mean  to  stop  here 
all  the  rest  of  your  life." 

"  That 's  a  great  deal  to  make  one  word 
mean,"  Alice  said  in  a  thoughtful  tone. 

"  When  I  make  a  word  do  a  lot  of  work 
like  that,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty,  "  I  always  pay 
it  extra." 

"  Oh ! "  said  Alice.  She  was  too  much 
puzzled  to  make  auy  other  remark. 

"  Ah,  you  should  see  'em  come  round  me  of 
a  Saturday  night,"  Humpty  Dumpty  went  on, 
wagging  his  head  gravely  from  side  to  side : 
"for  to  get  their  wages,   you  know." 

(Alice  didn't  venture  to  ask  what  he  paid 
them  with ;  and  so  you  see  I  can't  tell  you.) 


126  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

"You  seem  very  clever  at  explaining  words, 
Sir/'  said  Alice.  "  Would  you  kindly  tell  me  the 
meaning   of  the  poem  called  '  Jabberwocky '  V 

"  Let 's  hear  it,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty.  w  I 
can  explain  all  the  poems  that  ever  were  in- 
vented  and   a   good   many   that   haven't   been 

invented  just  yet." 

This  sounded  very  hopeful,  so  Alice  repeated 
the  first  verse : 

" '  Twas  brillig,  and  the  slithy  toves 

Did  gyre  and  gimble  in  the  wabe : 
All  mimsy  were  the  borogoves, 

And  the  mome  raths  outgrabe" 

"That's  enough  to  begin  with,"  Humpty 
Dumpty  interrupted :  "  there  are  plenty  of  hard 
words  there.     '  Brillig '  means  four  o'clock  in  the 

afternoon the   time   when   you   begin   broiling 

things  for  dinner." 

"That'll  do  very  well,"  said  Alice:  "and 
>  slithy 'V 

"  Well,     '  slithy '     means    '  lithe     and     slimy/ 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  127 


*  Lithe '   is   the   same   as    -  active/      You   see   it 's 

like   a    portmanteau there   are    two    meanings 

packed  up  into  one   word." 


128  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

"  I  see  it  now,"  Alice  remarked  thoughtfully : 
"and  what  are   'toves'l" 

"  Well,  '  toves '  are  something  like  badgers 

they're    something     like    lizards and     they're 

something  like   corkscrews." 

"  They  must  be  very  curious-looking  creatures." 

"  They    are    that,"     said     Humpty    Dumpty : 

"  also  they  make  their  nests  under  sun-dials 

also  they  live  on  cheese." 

"  And  what 's  to  '  gyre '  and  to  '  gimble '  1 " 

"To  ' gyre '  is  to  go  round  and  round  like 
a  gyroscope.  To  ' gimble'  is  to  make  holes  like 
a  gimblet." 

"  And  '  the  ivabe '  is  the  grass-plot  round  a 
sun-dial,  I  suppose  1 "  said  Alice,  surprised  at 
her  own  ingenuity. 

"Of  course  it  is.  It's  called  '  wabe,'  you 
know,  because  it  goes  a  long  way  before  it, 
and  a  long  way  behind  it " 

"  And  a  long  way  beyond  it  on  each  side," 
Alice  added. 

"  Exactly  so.     Well  then,   '  mimsy '  is  '  flimsy 


HUMPTY   DUMPTY.  129 

and   miserable '   (there 's  another   portmanteau   for 
you).     And  a  '  borogove '  is  a  thin  shabby-looking 

bird  with  its  feathers  sticking  out  all  round 

something  like  a  live  mop." 

"  And  then  '  mome  ratlis '  ? "  said  Alice. 
"  I  'm  afraid  I  'm  giving  you  a  great  deal  of 
trouble." 

"  Well,  a  '  rath '  is  a  sort  of  green  pig  :  but 
'mome'   I'm    not    certain    about.       I     think    it's 

short   for  '  from   home '- meaning    that    they  'd 

lost  their  way,   you  know." 

"And  what  does  '  outgrabe'  mean?" 
"  Well,    '  outgribing '    is    something     between 
bellowing   and   whistling,    with   a  kind    of  sneeze 
in   the   middle :     however,    you  '11    hear    it   done, 

maybe down     in     the     wood    yonder and 

when  you  Ve  once  heard  it  you  '11  be  quite 
content.  Who  s  been  repeating  all  that  hard 
stuff  to  you  ? "    ■ 

"  I  read  it  in  a  book,"  said  Alice.  "  But 
I  had  some  poetry  repeated  to  me,  much  easier 
than  that,   by Tweedledee,  T  think  it  was." 

K 


130  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

"  As  to  poetry,  you  know/'  said  Humpty 
Dumpty,  stretching  out  one  of  his  great  hands, 
"I  can  repeat  poetry  as  well  as  other  folk,  if  it 
comes  to  that " 

"  Oh,  it  needn't  come  to  that ! "  Alice  hastily 
said,   hoping  to  keep  him  from  beginning. 

"  The  piece  I  'm  going  to  repeat/'  he  went 
on  without  noticing  her  remark,  "  was  written 
entirely  for  your  amusement." 

Alice  felt  that  in  that  case  she  really  ought 
to  listen  to  it,  so  she  sat  down,  and  said  "  Thank 
you"  rather  sadly. 

"  In  winter,  when  the  fields  are  while, 
I  sing  this  song  for  your  delight— 

only  I  don't  sing  it,"  he  added,  as  an  ex- 
planation. 

"  I  see  you  don't,"  said  Alice. 

"If  you  can  see  whether  I'm  singing  or  not, 
you've  sharper  eyes  than  most,"  Humpty 
Dumpty  remarked  severely.      Alice  was  silent. 


HUMPTY   DUMPTY.  131 

"  In  spring,  when  ivoods  are  getting  green, 
I  HI  try  and  tell  you  what  I  mean." 

"Thank  you"  very  much/'  said  Alice. 

"  In  swmrner,  when  the  days  are  long, 
Perhaps  you'll  understand  the  song: 

In  autumn,   when  the   leaves  are  or  own, 
Take  pen  and  ink,   and  write  it  down." 

"  I  will,  if  I  can  remember  it  so  long,"  said 
Alice. 

"  You  needn't  &o  on  making  remarks  like 
that,"  Humpty  Dumpty  said :  "  they  're  not 
sensible,   and  they  put  me  out." 

"  I  sent  a  message  to  the  fish ; 
I  told  them  '  This  is  what  I  wish' 

The  Utile  fishes  of  the  sea, 
They  sent  an  answer  hack  to  me. 
K2 


132  HUMPTY   DUMPTY. 

The  little  fishes'  answer  was 
'  We  cannot  do  it,  Sir,  because- 


"  I  'm  afraid  I  don't  quite  understand,"  said 
Alice. 

"  It  gets  easier  further  on,"  Humpty  Dumpty 
replied. 

"I  sent  to  them  again  to  say 
'It  will  be  better  to  obey! 

The  fishes  answered  with  a  grin, 
'  Why,  what  a  temper  you  are  in ! ' 

/  told  them  once,  I  told  them  twice: 
They  would  not  listen  to  advice. 

I  took  a  kettle  large  and  new, 
Fit  for  the  deed  I  had  to  do. 

My  heart  %vent  hop,  my  heart  went  thump ; 
I  filled  the  kettle  at  the  pump. 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

Then  some,  one  came  to  me  and  said, 
'  The  little  fishes  are  in  bed.' 


133 


/  said  to  him,  I  said  it  plain, 

'  Then  you  must  wake  them  up  again.' 


I  said  it  very  loud  and  clear ; 
I  went  and  shouted  in  his  earl 


134  HUMPTY    DUMPTY. 

Humpty   Dumpty  raised    his   voice  almost   to 

a    scream    as   he   repeated    this    verse,  and   Alice 

thought  with   a   shudder,   "  I  wouldn't  have  been 
the  messenger  for  anything !  " 


"  But  he  'was  very  stiff  and  proud ; 
He  said  '  You  needn't  shout  so  loud  ! ' 

And  he  was  very  proud  and  stiff; 
He  said  '  I'd  go  and  wake  them,  if — 


i"  took  a  corkscrew  from  the  shelf: 
I  ■went  to  wake  them  up  myself 

And  when  I  found  the  door  was  locked, 

I  pulled  and  pushed  and  kicked  and  knocked. 

And  when  I  found  the  door  ivas  shut, 
I  tried  to  turn  the  handle,  but " 

There  was  a  long  pause. 

"  Is  that  all  ? "    Alice  timidly  asked. 


HUMPTY    DUMPTY.  135 

"  That's  all,"  said  Humpty  Dumpty.  "  Good- 
bye." 

This  was  rather  sudden,  Alice  thought :  but, 
after  such  a  very  strong  hint  that  she  ought  to 
be  going,  she  felt  that  it  would  hardly  be  civil 
to  stay.  So  she  got  up,  and  held  out  her  hand. 
"  Good-bye,  till  we  meet  again ! "  she  said  as 
cheerfully  as  she  could. 

"  I  shouldn't  know  you  again  if  we  did 
meet,"  Humpty  Dumpty  replied  in  a  discontented 
tone,  giving  her  one  of  his  fingers  to  shake ; 
"you're   so  exactly  like  other  people." 

"  The  face  is  what  one  goes  by,  generally," 
Alice  remarked  in  a  thoughtful  tone. 

"  That 's  just  what  I  complain  of,"  said  Humpty 
Dumpty.     "  Your  nice   is   the  same  as  everybody 

has the     two    eyes,    so "    (marking    their 

places  in  the  air  with  his  thumb)  "  nose  in  the 
middle,  mouth  under.  It's  always  the  same 
Now  if  you  had  the  two  eyes  on  the  same  side 

of   the    nose,    for    instance or    the   mouth   at 

the  top that   would  be  some  help." 


136  HUMPTY    DUMPTY.     . 

"It  wouldn't  look  nice,"  Alice  objected.  But 
Humpty  Dumpty  only  shut  his  eyes  and  said 
"Wait  till  you Ve  tried." 

Alice  waited  a  minute  to  see  if  he  would 
speak  again,  but  as  he  never  opened  his  eyes 
or  took  any  further  notice  of  her,  she  said 
"  Good-bye !  "  once  more,  and,  getting  no  answer 
to  this,  she  quietly  walked  away :  but  she 
couldn't    help     saying    to    herself    as    she    went, 

"Of    all    the     unsatisfactory "    (she    repeated 

this  aloud,  as  it  was  a  great  comfort  to  have 
such  a  long  word  to  say)   "  of  all  the  unsatisfac- 

toiy  people  I  ever  met "     She  never  finished 

the  sentence,  for  at  this  moment  a  heavy  crash 
shook  the  forest  from  end  to  end. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

THE    LION    AND    THE    UNICOJJN. 

The  next  moment  soldiers  came  running 
through  the  wood,  at  first  in  twos  and  threes, 
then  ten  or  twenty  together,  and  at  last  in  such 
crowds  that  they  seemed  to  fill  the  whole  forest. 
Alice  got  behind  a  tree,  for  fear  of  being  run 
over,   and  watched  them  go  by. 

She  thought  that  in  all  her  life  she  had 
never  seen  soldiers  so  uncertain  on  their  feet : 
they  were  always  tripping  over  something  or 
other,  and  whenever  one  went  down,  several 
more  alwTays  fell  over  him,  so  that  the  ground 
was  soon  covered   with   little  heaps  of  men. 


138 


THE    LION    AND 


Then  came  the  horses.  Having  four  feet, 
these  managed  rather  better  than  the  foot-sol- 
diers :    but   even   they   stumbled    now    and   then ; 


THE    UNICORN.  139 

and  it  seemed  to  be  a  regular  rule  that,  when- 
ever a  horse  stumbled,  the  rider  fell  off  instantly. 
The  confusion  got  worse  every  moment,  and 
Alice  was  very  glad  to  get  out  of  the  wood 
into  an  open  place,  where  she  found  the  White 
King  seated  on  the  ground,  busily  writing  in 
his  memorandum-book. 

"  I  Ve  sent  them  all ! "  the  King  cried  in 
a  tone  of  delight,  on  seeing  Alice.  "Did  you 
happen  to  meet  any  soldiers,  my  dear,  as  you 
came  through  the  wood  ?  " 

"  Yes,  I  did,"  said  Alice  :  "  several  thousand, 
I  should  think." 

"Four  thousand  two  hundred  and  seven, 
that's  the  exact  number,"  the  King  said,  referring 
to  his  book.  "  I  couldn't  send  all  the  horses, 
you  know,  because  two  of  them  are  wanted  in 
the  game.  And  I  haven't  sent  the  two  Mes- 
sengers, either.  They're  both  gone  to  the  town. 
Just  look  along  the  road,  and  tell  me  if  you 
can  see  either  of  them." 

"  I  see  nobody  on   the  road,"  said  Alice. 


140  THE    LION   AND 

"I  only  wish  I  had  such  eyes,"  the  King 
remarked  in  a  fretful  tone.  "To  be  able  to 
see  Nobody !  And  at  that  distance  too !  Why, 
it's  as  much  as  /  can  do  to  see  real  people, 
by  this  light!" 

All  this  was  lost  on  Alice,  who  was  still 
looking  intently  along  the  road,  shading  her 
eyes  with  one  hand.  u  1  see  somebody  now ! " 
she  exclaimed   at   last.     "But   he's   coming  very 

slowly and    what    curious    attitudes    he    goes 

into ! "  (For  the  Messenger  kept  skipping  up 
and  down,  and  wriggling  like  an  eel,  as  he 
came  along,  with  his  great  hands  spread  out 
like  fans  on   each  side.) 

"Not  at  all,"  said  the  King.  "He's  an 
Anglo-Saxon  Messenger and  those  are  Anglo- 
Saxon  attitudes.  He  only  does  them  when  he 's 
happy.  His  name  is  Haigha."  (He  pronounced 
it  so  as  to  rhyme  with  '  mayor.') 

"  I  love  my  love  with  an  H,"  Alice  couldn't 
help  beginning,  "because  he  is  Happy.  I  hate 
him   with  an    H,  because   he   is   Hideous.     I   fed 


THE   UNICORN.  141 

him  with with with   Ham-sandwiches  and 

Hay.     His  name  is   Haigha,  and  he  lives " 

"  He  lives  on  the  Hill,"  the  Kino-  remarked 
simply,  without  the  least  idea  that  he  was  joining 
in  the  game,  while  Alice  was  still  hesitating 
for  the  name  of  a  town  be^innin^  with  H.  "The 
other   Messenger's    called    Hatta.      I   must    have 

two,    you    know to    come    and    go.       One   to 

come,  and  one  to  go." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon  \ "  said  Alice. 

"  It  isn't  respectable  to  beg,"  said  the  King. 

"  I  only  meant  that  I  didn't  understand,"  said 
Alice.     "  Why  one  to  come  and  one  to  go  ? " 

"  Don't    I    tell    you  % "     the    King    repeated 

impatiently.       "  I    must     have     two to     fetch 

and  carry.     One  to  fetch,  and  one  to  carry." 

At  this  moment  the  Messenger  arrived :  he 
was  far  too  much  out  of  breath  to  say  a  word, 
and  could  only  wave  his  hands  about,  and  make 
the  most  fearful  faces  at  the  poor  King. 

.  "  This   young    lady   loves    you   with    an    H," 
the   King   said,  introducing  Alice  in  the  hope  of 


142 


THE    LION    AND 


turning  off  the  Messenger's  attention  from  him- 
self  but    it   was    no    use the   An.o;lo-Saxon 

attitudes  only  got  more  extraordinary  every 
moment,  while  the  great  eyes  rolled  wildly  from 
side  to  side. 


r  ■        :*£: 


"  You  alarm  me  !  "  said  the  King.  "  I  feel 
faint Give  me  a  ham  sandwich  ! " 

On  which  the  Messenger,  to  Alice's  great 
amusement,    opened    a   bag   that   hung  round   his 


THE    UNICORN.  143 

neck,  and  handed  a  sandwich  to  the  King,  who 
devoured  it  greedily. 

"Another  sandwich!"  said  the  King. 

"  There 's  nothing  but  hay  left  now,"  the 
Messenger  said,  peeping  into  the  bag. 

"  Hay,  then,"  the  King  murmured  in  a 
faint  whisper. 

Alice  was  glad  to  see  that  it  revived  him  a 
good  deal.  "  There 's  nothing  like  eating  hay 
when  you're  faint,"  he  remarked  to  her,  as  he 
munched  away. 

"  I    should    think    throwing   cold    water    over 

you  would  be  better/'  Alice   suggested :    " or 

some  sal-volatile." 

"  I  didn't  say  there  was  nothing  better,"  the 
King  replied.  "  I  said  there  was  nothing  like 
it."     Which  Alice  did  not  venture  to  deny. 

"Who  did  you  pass  on  the  road?"  the 
King  went  on,  holding  out  his  hand  to  the 
Messenger  for  some  more  hay. 

"  Nobody,"  said  the  Messenger. 

"  Quite   right,"   said  the   King :    "  this   young 


144  THE    LION"    AND 

lady  saw  him  too.  So  of  course  Nobody  walks 
slower  than  you." 

"I  do  my  best,"  the  Messenger  said  in  a 
sullen  tone.  "  I  'm  sure  nobody  walks  much 
faster  than  I  do  !  " 

"He  can't  do  that,"  said  the  King,  "or  else 
he'd  have  been  here  first.  However,  now  you've 
got  your  breath,  you  may  tell  us  what 's  hap- 
pened in  the  town." 

"  I  '11  whisper  it,"  said  the  Messenger,  putting 
his  hands  to  his  mouth  in  the  shape  of  a  trumpet, 
and  stooping  so  as  to  get  close  to  the  King's 
ear.  Alice  was  sorry  for  this,  as  she  wanted  to 
hear  the  news  too.  However,  instead  of  whisper- 
ing, he  simply  shouted  at  the  top  of  his  voice 
"  They  're  at  it  again  1 " 

"  Do  you  call  that  a  whisper  ? "  cried  the 
poor  King,  jumping  up  and  shaking  himself. 
"  If  you  do  such  a  thing  again,  I  '11  have  you 
buttered !  It  went  through  and  through  my 
head  like  an  earthquake  !  " 

"  It    would    have   to    be    a    very   tiny   earth- 


THE    UNICORN1.  145 

quake  !  "  thought  Alice.       "  Who  are  at  it  again  ?  " 
she  ventured  to  ask. 

"  Why,  the  Lion  and  the  Unicorn,  of  course," 
said  the  King. 

"  Fighting  for  the  crown  ?  " 

"  Yes,  to  be  sure,"  said  the  King :  "  and 
the  best  of  the  joke  is,  that  it's  my  crown  all 
the  while  !  Let 's  run  and  see  them."  And 
they  trotted  off,  Alice  repeating  to  herself,  as 
she  ran,   the  words  of  the  old  song : — 

"  The  Lion  and  the   Unicorn  were  fighting  for  the  crown  : 
The  Lion  beat  the   Unicorn  all  round  the  town. 
Some  gave  them  white  bread,  some  gave  them  brown; 
Some  gave   them  plum-cake   and   drummed    them   out    of 
town." 

"  Does the    one that    wins get   the 

crown  ? "  she  asked,  as  well  as  she  could,  for 
the  run   was  putting  her  quite  out  of  breath. 

"Dear  me,  no!"  said  the  King.  "What 
an  idea  !  " 

L 


146  THE    LION    AND 

"  Would     you be     good     enough,"     Alice 

panted    out,    after    running   a   little   further,    "to 

stop    a    minute just    to     get — —one's    breath 

again  t 

"  I  'm  good  enough,"  the  King  said,  "  only 
I  'in  not  strong  enough.  You  see,  a  minute 
goes  by  so  fearfully  quick.  You  might  as  well 
try  to  stop  a   Bandersnatch ! " 

Alice  had  no  more  breath  for  talking,  so 
they  trotted  on  in  silence,  till-  they  came  in 
sight  of  a  great  crowd,  in  the  middle  of  which 
the  Lion  and  Unicorn  were  fighting.  They 
were  in  such  a  cloud  of  dust,  that  at  first  Alice 
could  not  make  out  which  was  which  :  but  she 
soon  managed  to  distinguish  the  Unicorn  by 
his  horn. 

They  placed  themselves  close  to  where  Hatta, 
the  other  Messenger,  was  standing  watching  the 
fight,  with  a  cup  of  tea  in  one  hand  and  a 
piece  of  bread-and-butter  in  the  other. 

"  He 's  only  just  out  of  prison,  and  he  hadn't 
finished  his   tea  when   he  was   sent   in,"   Haigha 


THE    UNICORN".  147 

whispered  to  Alice:     "and  they  only  give  them 

oyster- shells    in    there so    you    see   he  ;s   very 

hungry  and  thirsty.  How  are  you,  dear  child?" 
he  went  on,  putting  his  arm  affectionately  round 
Hatta's  neck. 

Hatta  looked  round  and  nodded,  and  went 
on  with  his  bread-and-butter. 

"  Were  you  happy  in  prison,  dear  child  ? " 
said   Haigha. 

Hatta  looked  round  once  more,  and  this  time 
a  tear  or  two  trickled  down  his  cheek  :  but  not 
a  word  would  he  say. 

"  Speak,  can't  you ! "  Haigha  cried  impa- 
tiently. But  Hatta  only  munched  away,  and 
drank  some  more  tea. 

"  Speak,  won't  you  !  "  cried  the  King.  '■  How 
are  they  getting  on  with  the  fight  \ " 

Hatta  made  a  desperate  effort,  and  swallowed 
a  large  piece  of  bread-and-butter.  "  They  're 
getting  on  very  well,"  he  said  in  a  choking  voice  : 
"  each  of  them  has  been  down  about  eighty-seven 
times." 

l2 


148 


THE    LION    AND 


=&===--— 


"  Then  I  suppose  they  '11  soon  bring  the 
white  bread  and  the  brown  ? "  Alice  ventured 
to  remark. 

"It's  waiting  for  'em  now,"  said  Hatta: 
"  this  is  a  bit  of  it  as  I'm  eating." 

There  was  a  pause  in  the  fight  just  then, 
and  the  Lion  and  the  Unicorn  sat  down,  pant- 
ing, while  the  King  called  out  "  Ten  minutes 
allowed   for   refreshments ! "      Haigha   and    Hatta 


THE    UNICORN.  149 

set  to  work  at  once,  carrying  round  trays  of 
white  and  brown  bread.  Alice  took  a  piece  to 
taste,  but  it  was  very  dry. 

"  I  don't  think  they  11  fight  any  more  to- 
day," the  King  said  to  Hatta :  "  go  and  order 
the  drums  to  begin."  And  Hatta  went  bound- 
ing away  like  a  grasshopper. 

For  a  minute  or  two  Alice  stood  silent, 
watching  him.  Suddenly  she  brightened  up. 
"  Look,  look ! "  she  cried,  pointing  eagerly. 
"There's  the  White  Queen  running  across  the 
country !  She  came  flying  out  of  the  wood  over 
yonder How  fast  those  Queens   can  run ! " 

"  There 's  some  enemy  after  her,  no  doubt," 
the  King  said,  without  even  looking  round. 
"That   wood's   full    of   them." 

"But  aren't  you  going  to  run  and  help 
her  1 "  Alice  asked,  very  much  surprised  at  his 
taking  it  so  quietly. 

"  No  use,  no  use  ! "  said  the  King.  "  She  runs 
so  fearfully  quick.  You  might  as  well  try  to 
catch  a  Bandersnatch !     But    I  '11    make  a  memo- 


150  THE    LION    AND 

rand  urn   about   her,  if  you   like She's   a  clear 

good  creature/'  he  repeated  softly  to  himself,  as 
he  opened  his  memorandum-book.  "Do  you 
spell   '  creature '   with   a  double  '  e '  ?  " 

At  this  moment  the  Unicorn  sauntered  by 
them,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets.  "  I  had 
the  best  of  it  this  time  ?  "  he  said  to  the  King, 
just  glancing  at  him  as  he  passed. 

"  A     little a     little,"     the     King     replied, 

rather  nervously.  "You  shouldn't  have  run 
him  through  with  your  horn,   you  know." 

"  It  didn't  hurt  him,"  the  Unicorn  said  care- 
lessly, and  he  was  going  on,  when  his  eye 
happened  to  fall  upon  Alice :  he  turned  round 
instantly,  and  stood  for  some  time  looking  at 
her  with  an  air  of  the  deepest  disgust. 

"  What is this  ?  "    he  said  at  last. 

"This  is  a  child!"  Haigha  replied  eagerly, 
coming  in  front  of  Alice  to  introduce  her,  and 
spreading  out  both  his  hands  towards  her  in  an 
Anglo-Saxon  attitude.  "  We  only  found  it  to-day. 
It's  as  large  as  life,  and  twice  as  natural!" 


THE     UNICORN.  151 

"I  always  thought  they  were  fabulous  mon- 
sters !  "    said  the  Unicorn.     "Is  it  alive  ? " 

"It  can  talk,"  said  Haigha,  solemnly. 

The  Unicorn  looked  dreamily  at  Alice,  and 
said  "Talk,    child. " 

Alice  could  not  help  her  lips  curling  up  into 
a  smile  as  she  began  :  "Do  you  know,  I  always 
thought  Unicorns  were  fabulous  monsters,  too ! 
I  never  saw  one  alive  before ! " 

"  Well,  now  that  we  have  seen  each  other," 
said  the  Unicorn,  "if  you'll  believe  in  me,  I'll 
believe  in  you.     Is  that  a  bargain  ? " 

"  Yes,  if  you  like,"  said  Alice. 

"  Come,  fetch  out  the  plum-cake,  old  man  ! " 
the  Unicorn  went  on,  turning  from  her  to  the 
King.     "  None  of  vour  brown  bread  for  me  ! " 

"  Certainly — — certainly  !  "  the  King  muttered, 
and  beckoned  to  Haigha.     "  Open  the  bag  ! "    he 

whispered.     "Quick!    Not  that  one that's  full 

of  hay!" 

Haigha  took  a  large  cake  out  of  the  bag, 
and    gave    it    to    Alice    to    hold,    while    he    got 


152 


THE    LION   AND 


out  a  dish  and  carving-knife.  How  they  all 
came  out  of  it  Alice  couldn't  guess.  It  was 
just  like  a  conjuring- trick,  she  thought. 


The  Lion  had  joined  them  while  this  was 
going  on  :  he  looked  very  tired  and  sleepy,  and 
his  eyes  were  half  shut.  "  What 's  this ! "  he 
said,  blinking  lazily  at  Alice,  and  speaking  in 
a  deep  hollow  tone  that  sounded  like  the  tolling 
of  a  great   bell. 


THE    UNICORN.  153 

"Ah,  what  is  it,  now?"  the  Unicorn  cried 
eagerly.     "You'll  never  guess!    /  couldn't." 

The  Lion  looked  at  Alice  wearily.     "Are  you 

animal or  vegetable or  mineral  ? "  he  said, 

yawning  at  every  other  word. 

"  It's  a  fabulous  monster  ! "  the  Unicorn  cried 
out,  before  Alice  could  reply. 

"  Then  hand  round  the  plum- cake,  Monster," 
the  Lion  said,  lying  down  and  putting  his  chin 
on  his  paws.  "And  sit  down,  both  of  you," 
(to  the  King  and  the  Unicorn)  :  "  fair  play 
with  the  cake,  you  know  ! " 

The  King  was  evidently  very  uncomfortable 
at  having  to  sit  down  between  the  two  great 
creatures  ;    but  there  was  no  other  place  for  him. 

"What  a  fight  we  might  have  for  the  crown, 
now!"  the  Unicorn  said,  looking  slyly  up  at 
the  crown,  which  the  poor  King  was  nearly 
shaking  off  his  head,  he  trembled  so  much. 

"I  should  win  easy,"  said  the  Lion. 

"I'm  not  so  sure  of  that,"  said  the  Unicorn. 

"  Why,  I   beat   you    all   round  the   town,  you 


154  THE    LION    AND 

chicken !"  the  Lion  replied  angrily,  half  getting 
up  as  he  spoke. 

Here  the  King  interrupted,  to  prevent  the 
quarrel  going  on :  he  was  very  nervous,,  and 
his  voice  quite  quivered.  "All  round  the  town?" 
he  said.  "  That's  a  good  loDg  way.  Did 
you  go  by  the  old  bridge,  or  the  market-place  ? 
You  get  the  best  view  by  the  old  bridge." 

"I'm  sure  I  don't  know,"  the  Lion  growled 
out  as  he  lay  down  again.  "There  was  too 
much  dust  to  see  anything.  What  a  time  the 
Monster  is,  cutting  up  that  cake ! " 

Alice  had  seated  herself  on  the  bank  of  a 
little  brook,  with  the  great  dish  on  her  knees, 
and  was  sawing  away  diligently  with  the  knife, 
"It's  very  provoking!"  she  said,  in  reply  to 
the  Lion  (she  was  getting  quite  used  to  being 
called  'the  Monster').  "I've  cut  several  slices 
already,    but   they   always  join    on    again!" 

"You  don't  know  how  to  manage  Looking- 
glass  cakes,"  the  Unicorn  remarked.  "  Hand  it 
round  first,  and  cut  it  afterwards." 


THE    UNICORN.  155 

This  sounded  nonsense,  but  Alice  very  obedi- 
ently got  up,  and  carried  the  dish  round,  and 
the  cake  divided  itself  into  three  pieces  as  she 
did  so.  "Now.  cut  it  up,"  said  the  Lion,  as 
she  returned  to  her  place  with  the  empty  dish. 

"I  say,  this  isn't  fair!"  cried  the  Unicorn, 
as  Alice  sat  with  the  knife  in  her  hand,  very 
much  puzzled  how  to  begin.  "The  Monster  has 
given  the  Lion  twice  as  much  as  me!" 

"  She  -s  kept  none  for  herself,  anyhow,"  said 
the  Lion.     "  Do  you  like  plum-cake,  Monster  %  " 

But  before  Alice  could  answer  him,  the 
drums  began. 

Where  the  noise  came  from,  she  couldn't 
make  out :  the  air  seemed  full  of  it,  and  it 
rang  through  and  through  her  head  till  she  felt 
quite  deafened.  She  started  to  her  feet  and 
sprang     across    the    little    brook     in    her    terror, 


156 


THE    LION   AND    THE    UNICORN. 


ssfc^telgfe 


and  had  just  time 
to  see  the  Lion 
and  the  Unicorn 
Bit  rise  to  their  feet, 
I;  with  angry  looks 
at  being  inter- 
rupted in  their 
feast,  before  she 
dropped  to  her 
knees,  and  put 
her  hands  over 
her  ears,  vainly 
trying  to  shut 
out  the  dreadful 
uproar. 

"  If  that    doesn't   '  drum  them  out  of  town/ yj 
she  thought  to  herself,    "  nothing   ever  will ! " 


CHAPTER   VIII. 


"  it  'a 


IT  S     MY     OWN     INVENTION. 

After  a  while  the  noise  seemed  gradually  to 
die  away,  till  all  was  dead  silence,  and  Alice 
lifted  up  her  head  in  some  alarm.  There  was 
no  one  to  be  seen,  and  her  first  thought  was 
that  she  must  have  been  dreaming  about  the 
Lion  and  the  Unicorn  and  those  queer  Anglo- 
Saxon  Messengers.  However,  there  was  the  great 
dish  still  lying  at  her  feet,  on  which  she  had 
tried  to  cut  the  plum-cake,  "So  I  wasn't  dream- 
ing,   after    all,"  she  said   to    herself,    "unless 

unless  we're  all  part  of  the  same  dream.     Only  I 
do  hojje  it's  my  dream,  and  not  the  Red  King's  ! 


158  "  IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

I  don't  like  belonging  to  another  person's 
dream,"  she  went  on  in  a  rather  complaining 
tone  :  "  I  ;ve  a  great  mind  to  go  and  wake  him, 
and  see  what  happens  !  " 

At  this  moment  her  thoughts  were  interrupted 
by  a  loud  shouting  of  "Ahoy!  Ahoy!  Cheek!" 
and  a  Knight,  dressed  in  crimson  armour,  came 
galloping  down  upon  her,  brandishing  a  great 
club.  Just  as  he  reached  her,  the  horse  stopped 
suddenly  :  "  You  re  my  prisoner  !  "  the  Knight 
cried,  as  he  tumbled  off  his  horse. 

Startled  as  she  was,  Alice  was  more  frightened 
.for  him  than  for  herself  at  the  moment,  and 
watched  him  with  some  anxiety  as  he  mounted 
again.      As  soon   as    he    was    comfortably  in   the 

saddle,   he    began   once    more    "You're   my " 

but  here  another  voice  broke  in  "  Ahoy !  Ahoy ! 
Check ! "  and  Alice  looked  round  in  some  surprise 
for  the  new  enemy. 

This  time  it  was  a  White  Knight.  He  drew 
up  at  Alice's  side,  and  tumbled  off  Ins  horse  just 
as  the  Red   Knight   had   done  :    then   he   got   on 


IT    S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  159 

again,  and  the  two  Knights  sat  and  looked  at 
each  other  for  some  time  without  speaking. 
Alice  looked  from  one  to  the  other  in  some 
bewilderment. 

"She's  my  prisoner,  you  know!"  the  Red 
Knight  said  at  last. 

"  Yes,  but  then  /  came  and  rescued  her ! " 
the  White  Knight  replied. 

"Well,  we  must  fight  for  her,  then,"  said  the 
Red  Knight,  as  he  took  up  his  helmet  (which 
hung  from  the  saddle,  and  was  something  the 
shape   of  a  horse's  head),  and   put  it  on. 

"  You  will  observe  the  Rules  of  Battle,  of 
course  ? "  the  White  Knight  remarked,  putting 
on  his  helmet  too. 

"I  always  do,"  said  the  Red  Knight,  and 
they  began  banging  away  at  each  other  with 
such  fury  that  Alice  got  behind  a  tree  to  be  out 
of  the  way  of  the  blows. 

"  I  wonder,  now,  what  the  Rules  of  Battle  are," 
she  said  to  herself,  as  she  watched  the  fight,  timidly 
peeping   out   from   her    hiding-place :    "  one    Rule 


160  ".  IT  'S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.' 


seems  to  be,  that  if  one   Knight    hits    the    other, 
he  knocks  him  off   his  horse,  and  if  he  misses,  he 

tumbles    off"    himself- and  another    Rule    seems 

to  be  that  they  hold  their  clubs  with  their  arms, 

as  if  they  were  Punch  and  Judy What  a  noise 

they  make  when  they  tumble  !     Just  like  a  whole 


IT   S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  161 

set  of  fire-irons  fallings  into  the  fender  !  And  how 
quiet  the  horses  are  !  They  let  them  get  on 
and  off  them  just  as  if   they   were  tables  ! ,; 

Another  Eule  of  Battle,  that  Alice  had  not 
noticed,  seemed  to  be  that  they  always  fell  on 
their  heads,  and  the  battle  ended  with  their  both 
falling  off  in  this  way,  side  by  side :  when 
they  got  up  again,  they  shook  hands,  and  then 
the    Eed    Knight   mounted   and   galloped  off. 

"  It  was  a  glorious  victory,  wasn't  it  ? "  said 
the  White   Knight,  as  he  came  up  panting. 

"I  don't  know,"  Alice  said  doubtfully.  "I 
don't  want  to  be  anybody's  prisoner.  I  want  to 
be  a  Queen." 

"So  you  will,  when  you've  crossed  the  next 
brook,"   said   the    White    Knight.      "  I'll   see   you 

safe  to  the  end  of  the  wood and  then  I  must 

go  back,  you  know.     That 's  the  end  of  my  move. " 

"  Thank  you  very  much,"  said  Alice.  "  May  I 
help  you  off  with  your  helmet  ? "  It  was  evidently 
more  than  he  could  manage  by  himself;  however, 
she  managed  to  shake  him  out  of  it  at  last. 

M 


162  '"  IT   S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

"  Now  one  can  breathe  more  easily,"  said  the 
Knight,  putting  back  his  shaggy  hair  with  both 
hands,  and  turning  his  gentle  face  and  large  mild 
eyes  to  Alice.  She  thought  she  had  never  seen 
such  a  strange-looking  soldier  in  all  her  life. 

He  was  dressed  in  tin  armour,  which  seemed 
to  fit  him  very  badly,  and  he  had  a  queer-shaped 
little  deal  box  fastened  across  his  shoulders, 
upside-down,  and  with  the  lid  hanging  open. 
Alice  looked  at  it  with  great  curiosity. 

"  I  see  you're  admiring  my  little  box/'  the 
Knight  said   in  a   friendly  tone.     "  It's   my  own 

invention to   keep  clothes   and   sandwiches  in. 

You  see  I  carry  it  upside-down,  so  that  the  rain 
can't  get  in." 

"  But  the  things  can  get  out,"  Alice  gently 
remarked.     "Do  you  know  the  lid's  open?" 

"  I  didn't  know  it,"  the  Knight  said,  a  shade 
of  vexation  passing  over  his  face.  "  Then  all  the 
things  must  have  fallen  out !  And  the  box  is  no 
use  without  them."  He  unfastened  it  as  he  spoke, 
and  was  just  going  to  throw  it  into  the  bushes, 


IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  163 

when    a   sudden   thought    seemed    to    strike    him, 
and  he  hung  it  carefully  on  a  tree.       "  Can  you 
guess  why  I   did  that  ?  "  he  said  to  Alice. 
Alice  shook  her  head. 
"In   hopes  some  bees  may  make  a  nest  in   it 

then  I  should  get  the  honey." 

"  But  you've  got  a  bee-hive or  something 

like  one fastened  to  the  saddle,"  said  Alice. 

"Yes,  it's  a  very  good  bee-hive,"  the  Knight 
said  in  a  discontented  tone,  "  one  of  the  best 
kind.  But  not  a  single  bee  has  come  near  it  yet. 
And  the  other  thing  is  a  mouse-trap.     I   suppose 

the  mice  keep  the  bees  out or  the  bees  keep 

the  mice  out,  I  don't  know  which." 

"I  was  wondering  what  the  mouse-trap  was 
for,"  said  Alice.  "  It  isn't  very  likely  there 
would  be   any   mice    on   the   horse's   back." 

"  Not  very  likely,  perhaps,"  said  the  Knight  ; 
"  but  if  they  do  come,  I  don't  choose  to  have 
them   running  all  about." 

"  You  see,"  he  went  on  after  a  pause,  "it's  as 
well   to   be   provided   for   everything.     That's   the 

M  2 


164  "  IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

reason  the  horse  has  all  those  anklets  round  his 
feet." 

"  But  what  are  they  for  ? "  Alice  asked  in  a 
tone  of  great  curiosity. 

"  To  guard  against  the  bites  of  sharks,"  the 
Knight  replied.  "  It's  an  invention  of  my  own. 
And  now  help  me  on.  I'll  go  with  you  to  the 
end  of  the  wood What's  that  dish  for  ? " 

"It's  meant  for  plum-cake,"  said  Alice. 

"  We  'd  better  take  it  with  us,"  the  Knight 
said.  "  It  '11  come  in  handy  if  we  find  any 
plum-cake.     Help  me  to  get  it  into  this  bag." 

This  took  a  long  time  to  manage,  though  Alice 
held  the  bag  open  very  carefully,  because  the 
Knight  was  so  very  awkward  in  putting  in  the 
dish :  the  first  two  or  three  times  that  he  tried 
he  fell  in  himself  instead.  "  It 's  rather  a  tight 
fit,  you  see,"  he  said,  as  they  got  it  in  at  last ; 
"  there  are  so  many  candlesticks  in  the  bag." 
And  he  hung  it  to  the  saddle,  which  was  already 
loaded  with  bunches  of  carrots,  and  fire-irons, 
and  many  other  things. 


IT   S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  165 

"I  hope  youVe  got  your  hair  well  fastened 
on  ? "    he  continued,   as  they  set  off. 

"  Only  in  the  usual  way,"  Alice  said,  smiling. 

"That's  hardly  enough,"  he  said,  anxiously. 
"  You  see  the  wind  is  so  very  strong  here.  It 's 
as  strong  as  soup." 

"  Have  you  invented  a  plan  for  keeping  the 
hair   from  being   blown  off  ?  "    Alice  enquired. 

"Not  yet,"  said  the  Knight.  "But  I've  got 
a  plan  for  keeping  it  from  falling  off." 

"  I   should   like  to  hear  it,  very  much." 

"  First  you  take  an  upright  stick,"  said  the 
Knight.  t  "  Then  you  make  your  hair  creep  up 
it,    like   a   fruit-tree.     Now   the   reason   hair   falls 

off    is   because    it    hangs    down things    never 

fall  upwards,  you  know.  It 's  a  plan  of  my 
own  invention.     You   may  try  it  if  you  like." 

It  didn't  sound  a  comfortable  plan,  Alice 
thought,  and  for  a  few  minutes  she  walked  on 
in  silence,  puzzling  over  the  idea,  and  every  now 
and  then  stopping  to  help  the  poor  Knight,  who 
certainly  was  not  a  good  rider. 


1(56 


it's  my  own  invention, 


Whenever  the  horse  stopped  (which  it  did 
very  often),  he  fell  off  in  front;  and  when- 
ever it  went  on  again  (which  it  generally  did 
rather  suddenly),  he  fell  off  behind.  Otherwise 
he  kept  on  pretty  well,  except  that  he  had  a 
habit  of  now  and  then  falling  off  sideways  ;  and 
as   he    generally    did   this    on    the    side   on   which 


IT   S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  167 

Alice  was  walking,  she  soon  found  that  it  was  the 
best  plan  not  to  walk  quite  close  to  the  horse. 

"  I  'm  afraid  you  Ve  not  had  much  practice  in 
riding,"  she  ventured  to  say,  as  she  was  helping 
him  up  from  his  fifth  tumble. 

The  Knight  looked  very  much  surprised,  and  a 
little  offended  at  the  remark.  "  What  makes  you 
say  that  %  "  he  asked,  as  he  scrambled  back  into  the 
saddle,  keeping  hold  of  Alice's  hair  with  one  hand, 
to  save  himself  from  falling  over  on  the  other  side. 

"Because  people  don't  fall  off  quite  so  often, 
when  they  've  had  much  practice." 

"I've  had  plenty  of  practice,"  the  Knight  said 
very   gravely  :     "  plenty   of  practice  !  " 

Alice  could  think  of  nothing  better  to  say 
than  "  Indeed  ? "  but  she  said  it  as  heartily  as 
she  could.  They  went  on  a  little  way  in  silence 
after  this,  the  Knight  with  his  eyes  shut,  mutter- 
ing to  himself,  and  Alice  watching  anxiously  for 
the  next  tumble. 

"  The  great  art  of  riding,"  the  Knight  suddenly 
began  in  a  loud  voice,  waving  his  right  arm  as  he 


168  "IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

spoke,  "is  to  keep "    Here  the  sentence  ended 

as  suddenly  as  it  had  begun,  as  the  Knight  fell 
heavily  on  the  top  of  his  head  exactly  in  the  path 
where  Alice  was  walking.  She  was  quite  frightened 
this  time,  and  said  in  an  anxious  tone,  as  she 
picked  him  up,  "  I  hope  no  bones  are  broken  ? " 

"  None  to  speak  of,"  the  Knight  said,  as  if 
he  didn't  mind  breaking  two  or  three  of  them. 
"The  great  art  of  riding,  as  I  was  saying,  is — 
to  keep  your  balance  properly.  Like  this,  you 
know " 

He  let  go  the  bridle,  and  stretched  out  both 
his  arms  to  show  Alice  what  he  meant,  and  this 
time  he  fell  flat  on  his  back,  right  under  the 
horse's   feet. 

"  Plenty  of  practice ! "  he  went  on  repeating, 
all  the  time  that  Alice  was  getting  him  on  his 
feet  again.     "  Plenty  of  practice  !  " 

"  It 's  too  ridiculous  ! "  cried  Alice,  losing  all 
her  patience  this  time.  "  You  ought  to  have  a 
wooden  horse  on  wheels,  that  you  ought ! " 

"  Does  that  kind   go   smoothly  ? "  the  Knight 


"IT  S    MY    OWN"   INVENTION.  169 

asked  in  a  tone  of  great  interest,  clasping  his 
arms  round  the  horse's  neck  as  he  spoke,  just  in 
time   to  save    himself  from  tumblina;  off   as;ain. 

"Much  more  smoothly  than  a  live  horse," 
Alice  said,  with  a  little  scream  of  laughter,  in 
spite   of  all  she  could  do  to  prevent  it. 

"  I  '11  get  one,"  the  Knight  said  thoughtfully 
to  himself.      "  One  or  two several." 

There  was  a  short  silence  after  this,  and 
then  the  Knight  went  on  again.  "  I  'm  a  great 
hand  at  inventing  things.  Now,  I  daresay  you 
noticed,  the  last  time  you  picked  me  up,  that 
I  was  looking  rather  thoughtful  ?  " 

"  You  were  a  little  grave,"  said  Alice. 

"  Well,    just    then    I    was    inventing    a    new 

way    of  getting    over   a   gate would   you  like 

to  hear  it  ?  " 

"  Very  much  indeed,"  Alice  said  politely. 

"  I'll  tell  you  how  I  came  to  think  of  it,"  said 
the  Knight.  "  You  see,  I  said  to  myself,  '  The 
only  difficulty  is  with  the  feet :  the  head  is  high 
enough   already.'     Now,  first   I   put   my  head  on 


170  "it  s  my  own  invention. 

the    top    of   the    gate then    the    head's    high 

enough then    I    stand    on    my   head then 

the   feet   are    high    enough,  you   see then  I'm 

over,  you  see." 

"Yes,  I  suppose  you'd  be  over  when  that 
was  done,"  Alice  said  thoughtfully :  "  but  don'.t 
you  think  it  wou]d  be  rather  hard?" 

"I   haven't    tried   it   yet,"    the    Knight    said, 

gravely  :  "so  I   can't  tell  for  certain but  I 'm 

afraid  it  would  be  a  little  hard." 

He  looked  so  vexed  at  the  idea,  that  Alice 
changed  the  subject  hastily.  "  What  a  curious 
helmet  you've  got ! "  she  said  cheerfully.  "  Is 
that  your  invention  too  ? " 

The  Knight  looked  down  proudly  at  his  helmet, 
which   hung   from    the    saddle.      "  Yes,"   he    said, 

"but  I've  invented  a  better  one  than  that —like 

a  sugar-loaf.    When  I  used  to  wear  it,  if  I  fell  off 
the  horse,  it  always  touched  the   ground  directly. 

So  I  had  a  very  little  way  to  fall,  you  see But 

there  was  the  danger  of  falling  into  it,  to  be  sure. 
That  happened  to  me    once and  the  worst  of 


IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  171 

it  was,  before  I  could  get  out  again,  the  other 
White  Knight  came  and  put  it  on.  He  thought 
it  was  his  own  helmet." 

The  Knight  looked  so  solemn  about  it  that 
Alice  did  not  dare  to  laugh.  "I'm  afraid  you 
must  have  hurt  him/'  she  said  in  a  trembling 
voice,  "  being  on  the  top  of  his  head." 

"  I  had  to  kick  him,  of  course,"  the  Knight 
said,  very   seriously.       "  And   then    he    took    the 

helmet  off  again but  it  took  hours  and  hours 

to  get  me  out.     I  was  as  fast  as as  lightning, 

you  know." 

"  But  that 's  a  different  kind  of  fastness," 
Alice   objected. 

The  Knight  shook  his  head.  "  It  was  all 
kinds  of  fastness  with  me,  I  can  assure  you  \"  he 
said.  He  raised  his  hands  in  some  excitement  as 
he  said  this,  and  instantly  rolled  out  of  the  saddle, 
and  fell  headlong  into  a  deep   ditch. 

Alice  ran  to  the  side  of  the  ditch  to  look  for 
him.  She  was  rather  startled  by  the  fall,  as  for 
some  time  he  had  kept  on  very  well,  and  she  was 


172 


IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 


afraid  that  he  really  ivas  hurt  this  time.  However, 
though  she  could  see  nothing  but  the  soles  of  his 
feet,  she  was  much  relieved  to  hear  that  he  was 
talking  on  in  his  usual  tone.  "  All  kinds  of  fast- 
ness," he  repeated  :  "  but  it  was  careless  of  him  to 
put  another  man's  helmet  on — —with  the  man 
in  it,  too." 


"  How  can  you  go  on  talking  so  quietly,  head 
downwards?"  Alice  asked,  as  she  dragged  him 
out  by  the  feet,  and  laid  him  in  a  heap  on  the 
bank. 


"IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  173 

The  Knight  looked  surprised  at  the  question. 
"  What  does  it  matter  where  my  body  happens 
to  be  ?  "  he  said.  "  My  mind  goes  on  working  all 
the  same.  In  fact,  the  more  head  downwards 
I  am,  the  more   I  keep  inventing  new  things." 

"  Now  the  cleverest  thing  of  the  sort  that  I 
ever  did,"  he  went  on  after  a  pause,  "  was  invent- 
ing a  new  pudding  during  the  meat- course." 

"  In  time  to  have  it  cooked  for  the  next 
course  ? "  said  Alice.  "  Well,  that  was  quick  work, 
certainly !  " 

"  Well,  not  the  next  course,"  the  Knight  said 
in  a  slow  thoughtful  tone  :  "  no,  certainly  not  the 
next  course!'1 

"  Then  it  would  have  to  be  the  next  day.  I 
suppose  you  wouldn't  have  two  pudding-courses 
in  one  dinner  ?  " 

"  Well,  not  the  next  day,"  the  Knight  repeated 
as  before  :  "  not  the  next  day.  In  fact,"  he  went 
on,  holding  his  head  down,  and  his  voice  getting 
lower  and  lower,  "I  don't  believe  that  pudding 
ever  vxis  cooked  !     In   fact,   I    don't  believe   that 


174  "  IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

pudding  ever  will  be  cooked !  And  yet  it  was 
a  very  clever  pudding  to  invent." 

"  What  did  you  mean  it  to  be  made  of  % " 
Alice  asked,  hoping  to  cheer  him  up,  for  the  poor 
Knight  seemed  quite  low-spirited  about  it. 

"  It  began  with  blotting-paper,"  the  Knight 
answered  with  a  groan. 

"  That  wouldn't  be  very  nice,  I  in  afraid " 

"  Not  very  nice  alone,"  he  interrupted,  quite 
eagerly :    "but  you've  no  idea  what  a    difference 

it   makes,    mixing    it   with    other   things such 

as  gunpowder  and  sealing-wax.  And  here  I 
must  leave  you."  They  had  just  come  to  the 
end   of  the  wood. 

Alice  could  only  look  puzzled :  she  was 
thinking  of  the  pudding. 

"You  are  sad,"  the  Knight  said  in  an  anxious 
tone :   "let  me  sing  you  a  song  to  comfort  you." 

"  Is  it  very  long  ? "  Alice  asked,  for  she  had 
heard  a  good  deal  of  poetry  that  day. 

"It's  long,"  said  the  Knight,  "but  it's  very, 
very   beautiful.      Everybody   that    hears   me    sing 


"  IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  175 

it either   it  brings  the    tears  into   their   eyes, 

or  else " 

"  Or  else  what  ?  "  said  Alice,  for  the  Knight 
had  made  a  sudden  pause. 

"  Or  else  it  doesn't,  you  know.  The  name 
of  the  song  is  called  '  Haddocks  Eyes?  " 

"Oh,  that's  the  name  of  the  song,  is  it?" 
Alice    said,   trying    to    feel    interested. 

"  No,  you  don't  understand,"  the  Knight  said, 
looking  a  little  vexed.  "  That 's  what  the  name 
is  called.  The  name  really  is  '  The  Aged  Aged 
Man?  " 

"  Then  I  ought  to  have  said  '  That 's  what 
the  song  is  called '  ?  "  Alice  corrected  herself. 

"No,  you  oughtn't:  that's  quite  another 
thing  !  The  song  is  called  '  Ways  And  Means ' : 
but   that 's  only    what  it's  called,   you   know ! " 

"  Well,  what  is  the  song,  then  ?  "  said  Alice, 
who  was  by  this  time   completely  bewildered. 

"  I  was  coming  to  that,"  the  Knight  said . 
"  The  song  really  is  '  A-sitting  On  A  Gate '  :  and 
the  tune 's  my  own  invention." 


176  "  IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

So  saying,  he  stopped  his  horse  and  let  the 
reins  fall  on  its  neck  :  then,  slowly  beating  time 
with  one  hand,  and  with  a  faint  smile  lighting 
up  his  gentle  foolish  face,  as  if  he  enjoyed  the 
music    of  his  song,  he  began. 

Of  all  the  strange  things  that  Alice  saw 
in  her  journey  Through  The  Looking- Glass, 
this  was  the  one  that  she  always  remembered 
most  clearly.  Years  afterwards  she  could  bring 
the   whole    scene   back   again,   as    if  it   had  been 

only  yesterday the  mild  blue  eyes  and  kindly 

smile  of  the  Knight the  setting  sun  gleaming 

through    his    hair,    and   shining    on    his     armour 

in    a    blaze    of  light  that   quite  dazzled    her 

the  horse  quietly  moving  about,  with  the  reins 
hanging   loose    on   his    neck,    cropping    the   grass 

at   her    feet and    the    black    shadows    of    the 

forest    behind all     this    she    took    in    like     a 

picture,  as,  with  one  hand  shading  her  eyes,  she 
leant  against  a  tree,  watching  the  strange  pair, 
and  listening,  in  a  half  dream,  to  the  melan- 
choly music  of  the    song. 


'  IT  S    MY    OWN   INVENTION.  177 

"Bat  the  tune  isn't  his  own  invention,"  she 
said  to  herself:  "it's  'I  give  thee  all,  I  can  no 
more.'"  She  stood  and  listened  very  attentively, 
but  no  tears  came  into  her  eyes. 

"I'll  tell  thee  everything  I  can; 

There's  little  to  relate. 
1  saw  an  aged  aged  man, 

A-sitting  on  a  gate. 
'  Who  are  you,  aged  man  ? '  I  said. 

1  And  how  is  it  you  live  ?  ' 
And  his  answer  trickled  through  my  head 

Like  water  through  a  sieve. 

He  said  '  i"  look  for  hutterjlies 

That  sleep  among  the  wheat : 
I  make  them  into  mutton-pies, 

And  sell  them  in  the  street. 
I  sell  them  unto  men,''  he  said, 

1  Who  sail  on  stormy  seas; 
And  that's  the  way  I  get  my  bread — 

A  trifle,  if  you  please.' 


178  "  IT  'fl    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

But  I  was  thinking  of  a  plan 

To  dye  one's  whiskers  green, 
And  always  use  so  large  a  fan 

That  they  could  not  be  seen. 
80,  having  no  reply  to  give 

To  what  the  old  man  said, 
I  cried  '  Come,  tell  me  how  you  live  ! ' 

And  thumped  him  on  the  head. 

His  accents  mild  took  up  the  tale : 

He  said  '  I  go  my  ways, 
And  when  I  find  a  mountain-rill, 

I  set  it  in  a  blaze  ; 
And  thence  they  make  a  stuf)  they  call 

Rowlands'  Macassar  Oil — 
Yet  twopence-halfpenny  is  all 

They  give  me  for  my  toiV 

But  I  was  thinking  of  a  way 
To  feed  oneself  on  batter, 

And  so  go  on  from  day  to  day 
Getting  a  little  fatter. 


"it  s  my  own  invention. 

I  shook  him  well  from  side  to  side, 

Until  his  face  was  blue : 
1  Come,  tell  me  how  you  live,'  I  cried, 

'  And  what  it  is  you  do  ! ' 


179 


He  said.  '  i"  hunt  for  haddock^  eyes 

Among  the  heather  bright, 
And  work  them  into  waistcoat-buttons 

In  the  silent  night. 
n  2 


180  "it  s  my  own  invention. 

And  these  I  do  not  sell  for  gold 
Or  coin  of  silvery  shine, 

But  for  a  copper  halfpenny, 
And  that  will  purchase  nine. 


1 1  sometimes  dig  for  buttered  rolls, 

Or  set  limed  twigs  for  crabs  ; 
I  sometimes  search  the  grassy  knolls 

For  wheels  of  Hansom-cabs. 
And  that's  the  way'  (he  gave  a  wink) 

'  By  which  I  get  my  wealth — 
And  very  gladly  will  I  drink 

Your  Honour's  noble  health' 

I  heard  him  then,  for  I  had  just 

Completed  my  design 
To  keep  the  Menai  bridge  from  rust 

By  boiling  it  in  wine. 
I  thanked  him  much  for  telling  me 

The  way  he  got  his  wealth, 
But  chiefly  for  his  wish  that  he 

Might  drink  my  noble  health. 


"IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  181 

And  now,  if  e'er  by  chance  I  put 

My  fingers  into  glue, 
Or  madly  squeeze  a  right-hand  foot 

Into  a  left-hand  shoe, 
Or  if  I  drop  upon  my  toe 

A  very  heavy  weight, 
I  weep,  for  it  reminds  me  so 
Of  that  old  man  I  used  to  know — 
Whose  look  was  mild,  whose  speech  was  slow, 
Whose  hair  was  whiter  than  the  snoiv, 
Whose  face  was  very  like  a  crow, 
With  eyes,  like  cinders,  all  aglow, 
Who  seemed  distracted  with  his  woe, 
Who  rocked  his  body  to  and  fro, 
And  muttered  mumblingly  and  low, 
As  if  his  mouth  were  full  of  dough, 

Who  snorted  like  a  buffalo 

That  summer  evening,  long  ago, 

A-sitting  on  a  gate." 

As   the    Knight   sang   the    last   words   of    the 
ballad,    he     gathered    up    the    reins,   and    turned 


182  IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION. 

his  horse's  head  along  the  road  by  which  they 
had  come.  "  You  've  only  a  few  yards  to  go," 
he  said,    "  down    the    hill    and    over    that    little 

brook,     and    then    you'll     be    a    Queen But 

you  11  stay  and  see  me  off  first  1 ,;  he  added 
as  Alice  turned  with  an  eager  look  in  the 
direction  to  which  he  pointed.  "  I  shan't  be 
long.  You'll  wait  and  wave  your  handkerchief 
when  I  get  to  that  turn  in  the  road  ?  I  think 
it  '11  encourage   me,  you   see." 

"  Of  course  I  '11  wait,"  said  Alice  :  "  and  thank 

you   very   much   for'    coming    so    far and    for 

the   song 1   liked   it   very   much." 

"  I  hope  so,"  the  Knight  said  doubtfully  : 
"but  you  didn't  cry  so  much  as  I  thought 
you    would." 

So  they  shook  hands,  and  then  the  Knight 
rode  slowly  away  into  the  forest.  "  It  won't 
take  long  to  see  him  off,  I  expect,"  Alice  said 
to  herself,  as  she  stood  watching  him.  "  There 
he  goes !  Eight  on  his  head  as  usual !  How- 
ever,   he     gets    on    again    pretty     easily that 


"IT  S    MY    OWN    INVENTION.  183 

comes  of  having  so  many  things  hung   round  the 

horse "      So    she    went  on  talking  to  herself, 

as  she  watched  the  horse  walking  leisurely  along 
the  road,  and  the  Knight  tumbling  off,  first  on 
one  side  and  then  on  the  other.  After  the 
fourth  or  fifth  tumble  he  reached  the  turn,  and 
then  she  waved  her  handkerchief  to  him,  and 
waited  till  he  was  out  of  sight. 

"  I  hope  it  encouraged  him,"  she  said,  as 
she  turned  to  run  down  the  hill :  "and  now 
for  the  last  brook,  and  to  be  a  Queen !  How 
grand  it  sounds ! "  A  very  few  steps  brought 
her  to  the  edge  of  the  brook.  "  The  Eighth 
Square  at  last !  "   she  cried  as  she  bounded  across, 


and  threw  herself  down  to  rest  on  a  lawn  as 
soft  as  moss,  with  little  flower-beds  dotted  about 
it  here  and  there.  "  Oh,  how  glad  I  am  to  get 
here !      And  what   is   this   on    my   head  \ "     she 


184 


IT  S   MY   OWN   INVENTION. 


exclaimed  in  a 
tone  of  dismay, 
as  she  put  her 
hands  up  to 
something  very 
heavy,  that  fitted 
tight  all  round 
her  head. 

"  But  how  can 
it  have  got  there 
without  my  know- 
ing it  ? "  she 
said  to  herself, 
as     she    lifted    it 

off,    and   set    it    on   her   lap   to   make   out   what 

it  could  possibly  be. 

It  was  a  golden   crown. 


CHAPTER     IX. 


QUEEN    ALICE. 


"  Well,  this  is  grand !  "  said  Alice.     "  I  never 

expected   I    should   be   a    Queen   so   soon and 

I  '11  tell  you  what  it  is,  your  Majesty,"  she  went 
on  in  a  severe  tone  (she  was  always  rather  fond 
of  scolding  herself),  "  it  '11  never  do  for  you  to 
be  lolling  about  on  the  grass  like  that !  Queens 
have  to  be  dignified,  you  know  !  " 

So    she   got   up    and   walked    about rather 

stiffly  just  at .  first,  as  she  was  afraid  that  the 
crown  might  come  off:  but  she  comforted  herself 
with  the  thought  that  there  was  nobody  to  see 
her,    "  and    if   I    really    am    a    Queen,"   she    said 


186  QUEEN   ALICE. 

as  she  sat  down  again,  "I  shall  be  able  to 
manage  it  quite  well  in  time." 

Everything  was  happening  so  oddly  that  she 
didn't  feel  a  bit  surprised  at  finding  the  Red 
Queen  and  the  White  Queen  sitting  close  to  her, 
one  on  each  side :  she  would  have  liked  very 
much  to  ask  them  how  they  came  there,  but 
she  feared,  it  would  not  be  quite  civil.  How- 
ever, there  would  be  no  harm,  she  thought,  in 
asking  if  the  game  was  over.  "Please,  would 
you  tell  me — : — "  she  began,  looking  timidly  at 
the  Red  Queen." 

"  Speak  when  you  're  spoken  to !  "  the  Queen 
sharply   interrupted   her. 

"  But  if  everybody  obeyed  that  rule,"  said 
Alice,  who  was  always  ready  for  a  little  argu- 
ment, "  and  if  you  only  spoke  when  you  were 
spoken  to,  and  the  other  person  always  waited 
for  you  to  begin,  you  see  nobody  would  ever 
say  anything,  so  that " 

"  Ridiculous  !  "  cried  the  Queen.  "  Why,  don't 
you   see,    child "   here  she   broke    off  with   a 


QUEEN    ALICE.  187 

frown,  and,  after  thinking  for  a  minute,  suddenly 
changed  the  subject  of  the  conversation.  "What 
do  you  mean  by  '  If  you  really  are  a  Queen '  % 
What  right  have  you  to  call  yourself  so  ?  You 
can't  be  a  Queen,  you  know,  till  you've  passed 
the  proper  examination.  And  the  sooner  we 
begin   it,    the   better." 

"I  only  said  'if'!"  poor  Alice  pleaded  in 
a  piteous  tone. 

The  two  Queens  looked  at  each  other,  and 
the  Eed  Queen  remarked,  with  a  little  shudder, 
"  She  says  she  only  said  '  if '         " 

"  But  she  said  a  great  deal  more  than  that !  " 
the  White  Queen  moaned,  wringing  her  hands. 
"  Oh,  ever  so  much  more  than  that !  " 

"  So   you   did,   you    know,"   the    Eed    Queen 

said    to   Alice.       "  Always    speak    the   truth 

think   before   you    speak and   write    it    down 

afterwards." 

"  I  'm   sure    I    didn't    mean "    Alice    was 

beginning,   but   the   Eed   Queen    interrupted    her 
impatiently. 


183  QUEEN    ALIOE. 

"That's  just  what  I  complain  of!  You 
should  have  meant !  What  do  you  suppose  is 
the  use  of  a  child  without  any  meaning  ?     Even 

a    joke    should    have    some    meaning and    a 

child's  more  important  than  a  joke,  I  hope. 
You  couldn't  deny  that,  even  if  you  tried  with 
both  hands." 

"  I  don't  deny  things  with  my  hands,"  Alice 
objected. 

"Nobody  said  you  did,"  said  the  Red  Queen. 
"  I   said  you   couldn't  if   you  tried." 

"  She 's  in  that  state  of  mind,"  said  the  "White 

Queen,  "  that   she  wants   to    deny  something 

only  she  doesn't  know   what  to   deny  !  " 

"A  nasty,  vicious  temper,"  the  Red  Queen 
remarked ;  and  then  there  was  an  uncomfortable 
silence  for  a  minute   or  two. 

The  Red  Queen  broke  the  silence  by  saying 
to  the  White  Queen,  "I  invite  you  to  Alice's 
dinner-party  this  afternoon." 

The  White  Queen  smiled  feebly,  and  said 
"  And  I  invite  you" 


QUEEN    ALICE.  189 

"I  didn't  know  I  was  to  have  a  party  at 
all,"  said  Alice ;  "  but  if  there  is  to  be  one,  I 
think  /  ought  to  invite  the  guests/' 

"We  gave  you  the  opportunity  of  doing  it," 
the  Eed  Queen  remarked  :  "but  I  daresay  you've 
not  had  many  lessons  in  manners  yet  ? " 

"  Manners  are  not  taught  in  lessons,"  said 
Alice.  "  Lessons  teach  you  to  do  sums,  and 
things  of   that  sort." 

"  Can  you  do  Addition  ? "  the  White  Queen 
asked.  "  What 's  one  and  one  and  one  and  one 
and  one  and  one  and  one  and  one  and  one  and 
one  I 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Alice.     "  I  lost  count." 

"She  can't  do  Addition,"  the  Eed  Queen  in- 
terrupted. "  Can  you  do  Subtraction  %  Take 
nine  from  eight." 

"Nine  from  eight  I  can't,  you  know,"  Alice 
replied  very  readily  :  "but " 

"  She  can't  do  Substraction,"  said  the  White 
Queen.  "  Can  you  do  Division  ?  Divide  a  loaf 
by  a  knife what 's  the  answer  to  that  ? " 


190  QUEEN    ALICE. 

"  I  suppose "  Alice  was  beginning,  but  the 

Eed  Queen  answered  for  her.  "  Bread-and-butter, 
of  course.  Try  another  Subtraction  sum.  Take 
a  bone  from  a  dog :   what  remains  ? " 


Alice  considered.  "  The  bone  wouldn't  re- 
main,  of    course,    if    I   took    it and    the   dog 

wouldn't  remain ;    it  would  come  to  bite  me 

and  I  'm  sure  /  shouldn't  remain ! " 

"Then  you  think  nothing  would  remain?" 
said  the  Eed  Queen. 

"I  think  that's  the  answer." 


QUEEN    ALICE.  191 

"  Wrong,  as  usual/'  said  the  Red  Queen  : 
"  the   dog's   temper   would   remain." 

"  But  I  don't  see  how ■" 

"  Why,  look  here ! "  the  Red  Queen  cried. 
"  The  dog  would  lose  its  temper,  wouldn't  it  ? " 

"  Perhaps  it  would,"  Alice  replied  cautiously. 

"  Then  if  the  dog  went  away,  its  temper 
would  remain! "  the  Queen  exclaimed  trium- 
phantly. 

Alice  said,  as  gravely  as  she  could,  "  They 
might  go  different  ways."  But  she  couldn't  help 
thinking  to  herself,  "  What  dreadful  nonsense 
we  are  talking  !  " 

"  She  can't  do  sums  a  hit ! "  the  Queens 
said  together,  with  great  emphasis. 

"  Can  you  do  sums  ? "  Alice ,  said,  turning 
suddenly  on  the  White  Queen,  for  she  didn't 
like  being  found  fault  with  so  much. 

The  Queen  gasped  and  shut  her  eyes.  "  I 
can    do   Addition,"    she    said,    "if    you   give   me 

time but   I   can't   do  Substraction,   under  any 

circumstances ! " 


192  QUEEN    ALICE. 

"  Of  course  you  know  your  ABC?"  said 
the  Eed  Queen. 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,"  said  Alice. 

"So  do  I,"  the  White  Queen  whispered : 
"we'll   often   say   it   over    together,    dear.       And 

111   tell   you   a    secret 1    can   read    words    of 

one   letter !      Isn't   that   grand  ?      However,   don't 
be  discouraged.     You'll  come  to  it  in  time." 

Here  the  Eed  Queen  began  again.  "  Can 
you  answer  useful  questions  1 "  she  said.  "  How 
is   bread   made  % " 

"  I  know  that !  "  Alice  cried  eagerly.  "  You 
take  some  flour " 

"  Where  do  you  pick  the  flower  ? "  the 
White  Queen  asked.  "  In  a  garden,  or  in  the 
hedges  ?  " 

"  Well,  it  isn't  picked  at  all,"  Alice  explained  : 
"  it 's  ground " 

"  How  many  acres  of  ground  ? "  said  the 
White  Queen.  "  You  mustn't  leave  out  so 
many   things." 

"  Fan   her   head ! "   the   Eed  Queen    anxiously 


QUEEN   ALICE.  193 

interrupted.  "  She  11  be  feverish  after  so  much 
thinking."  So  they  set  to  work  and  fanned 
her  with  bunches  of  leaves,  till  she  had  to  beg 
them  to  leave  off,  it  blew  her  hair  about  so. 

"  She 's  all  right  again  now,"  said  the  Eed 
Queen.  "  Do  you  know  Languages  ?  What 's 
the  French  for  fiddle-de-dee  ? " 

"  Fiddle-de-dee 's  not  English,"  Alice  replied 
gravely. 

"  Who  ever  said  it  was  ? "  said  the  Eed 
Queen. 

Alice  thought  she  saw  a  way  out  of  the 
difficulty  this  time.  "  If  you  11  tell  me  what 
language  '  fiddle-de-dee '  is,  I  '11  tell  you  the 
French  for  it !  "    she  exclaimed  triumphantly. 

But  the  Eed  Queen  drew  herself  up  rather 
stiffly,   and  said  "  Queens  never  make  bargains." 

"I  wish  Queens  never  asked  questions,"  Alice 
thought  to  herself. 

"Don't  let  us  quarrel,"  the  White  Queen 
said  in  an  anxious  tone.  "What  is  the  cause 
of  lightning  ? " 

o 


194  QUEEN   ALICE. 

"The  cause  of  lightning/'  Alice  said  very 
decidedly,  for  she  felt  quite  certain  about  this, 
"  is  the  thunder no,  no  !  "  she  hastily  cor- 
rected herself.      "  I  meant  the  other  way." 

"  It 's  too  late  to  correct  it,"  said  the  Eed 
Queen :  "  when  you  Ve  once  said  a  thing,  that 
fixes  it,   and  you  must  take  the  consequences." 

"  Which  reminds    me "   the  White    Queen 

said,  looking  down  and  nervously  clasping  and 
unclasping  her  hands,  "we  had  such  a  thunder- 
storm last  Tuesday— — I  mean  one  of  the  last 
set  of  Tuesdays,  you  know." 

Alice  was  puzzled.  "  In  our  country,"  she 
remarked,   "  there 's  only  one  day  at  a  time." 

The  Eed  Queen  said  "  That 's  a  poor  thin  way 
of  doing  things.  Now  here,  we  mostly  have 
days  and  nights  two  or  three  at  a  time,  and 
sometimes  in  the  winter  we  take  as  many  as 
five  nights  together for  warmth,  you  know." 

"  Are  five  nights  warmer  than  one  night, 
then  ? "    Alice  ventured  to  ask. 

"  Five    times    as   warm,    of  course." 


QUEEN  ALICE.  195 

"  But  they  should  be  five  times  as  cold,  by 
the  same  rule " 

"  Just   so  !  "    cried    the    Ked    Queen.      "  Five 

times   as   warm,    and   five   times   as   cold just 

as   I  'm   five   times   as  rich  as  you  are,  and   five 
times  as  clever ! " 

Alice  sighed  and  gave  it  up.  "  It 's  exactly 
like  a  riddle   with   no    answer ! "   she  thought. 

"  Humpty  Dumpty  saw  it  too,"  the  White 
Queen  went  on  in  a  low  voice,  more  as  if  she 
were  talking  to  herself.  "  He  came  to  the  door 
with  a  corkscrew  in  his  hand " 

"  What  did  he  want  ?  "    said  the  Eed  Queen. 

"  He  said  he  would  come  in,"  the  White 
Queen  went  on,  "  because  he  was  looking  for 
a  hippopotamus.  Now,  as  it  happened,  there 
wasn't  such   a  thing  in  the  house,  that  morning." 

"  Is  there  generally  ? "  Alice  asked  in  an 
astonished  tone. 

"  Well,  only  on  Thursdays,"  said  the  Queen. 

"  I    know    what    he    came    for3"    said    Alice : 

"  he   wanted   to  punish  the  fish,  because " 

o  2 


196  QUEEN   ALICE. 

Here  the  White  Queen  began  again.  "It  was 
such  a  thunderstorm,  you  can't  think ! "  ("  She 
never  could,  you  know/'  said  the  Eed  Queen.) 
"  And    part   of  the   roof  came    off,    and    ever    so 

much    thunder    got    in and     it    went    rolling 

round  the  room  in  great  lumps and  knocking 

over    the    tables    and    things -till     I     was    so 

frightened,  I  couldn't  remember  my  own  name  !  " 
Alice  thought  to  herself,  "  I  never  should 
try  to  remember  my  name  in  the  middle  of  an 
accident !  Where  would  be  the  use  of  it  ? "  but 
she  did  not  say  this  aloud,  for  fear  of  hurting 
the    poor    Queen's     feelings. 

"  Your  Majesty  must  excuse  her,"  the  Eed 
Queen  said  to  Alice,  taking  one  of  the  White 
Queen's  hands  in  her  own,  and  gently  stroking 
it  :  "  she  means  well,  but  she  can't  help  saying 
foolish   things,   as  a  general  rule." 

The  White  Queen  looked  timidly  at  Alice,  who 
felt  she  ought  to  say  something  kind,  but  really 
couldn't  think  of  anything  at  the  moment. 

"  She  never  was  really  well  brought  up,"  the 


QUEEN   ALICE.  197 

Red  Queen  went  on :  "  but  it 's  amazing  how 
good-tempered  she  is !  Pat  her  on  the  head, 
and  see  how  pleased  she  '11  be  !  "  But  this  was 
more   than   Alice  had  courage  to  do. 

"A   little   kindness and    putting    her   hair 

in  papers would  do  wonders  with  her " 

The  White  Queen  gave  a  deep  sigh,  and 
laid  her  head  on  Alice's  shoulder.  "I  am  so 
sleepy !  "    she  moaned. 

"  She 's    tired,    poor     thing ! "     said    the    Red 

Queen.       "  Smooth     her    hair lend    her    your 

nightcap and   sing  her   a   soothing  lullaby." 

"  I  haven't  got  a  nightcap  with  me,"  said 
Alice,  as  she  tried  to  obey  the  first  direction  : 
"  and  I  don't  know  any  soothing  lullabies." 

"  I  must  do  it  myself,  then,"  said  the  Red 
Queen,  and  she  began  : 

"  Hush-a-by  lady,  in  Alice's  lap  ! 
Till  the  feast 's  ready,  we  've  time  for  a  nap : 
Wlien  the  feast 's  over,  we  'M  go  to  the  ball — 
Bed  Queen,  and   White  Queen,  and  Alice,  and  all ! " 


198 


QUEEN    ALICE. 


"And  now  you  know  the  words,"  she  added, 
as  she  put  her  head  down  on  Alice's  other 
shoulder,  "just  sing  it  through  to  me.  I'm 
getting  sleepy  too."  In  another  moment  both 
Queens  were  fast  asleep,   and  snoring  loud. 


L>Ji.Ov-v,  i/  /•  -~-J 


"  What  am  I  to  do  \ "  exclaimed  Alice, 
looking  about  in  great  perplexity,  as  first  one 
round  head,  and  then  the  other,  rolled  down 
from  her  shoulder,  and  lay  like  a  heavy  lump 
in  her  lap.  "I  don't  think  it  ever  happened 
before,    that   any    one    had  to    take   care   of  two 


QUEEN   ALICE.  199 

Queens    asleep    at    once !       No,    not   in    all    the 

History    of    England it    couldn't,  you    know, 

because  there  never  was  more  than  one  Queen 
at  a  time.  Do  wake  up,  you  heavy  things  ! " 
she  went  on  in  an  impatient  tone ;  but  there 
was  no  answer  but  a  gentle  snoring. 

The  snoring  got  more  distinct  every  minute, 
and  sounded  more  like  a  tune :  at  last  she 
could  even  make  out  words,  and  she  listened  so 
eagerly  that,  when  the  two  great  heads  suddenly 
vanished  from  her  lap,  she  hardly  missed  them. 

She  was  standing  before  an  arched  doorway 
over  which  were  the  words  QUEEN  ALICE 
in  large  letters,  and  on  each  side  of  the  arch 
there  was  a  bell-handle  ;  one  was  marked 
"  Visitors'  Bell,"  and  the  other  "  Servants'  Bell." 

"  I  '11     wait    till    the    song 's    over,"    thought 

Alice,  "and   then   I'll   ring  the the which 

bell  must  I  ring  1 "  she  went  on,  very  much 
puzzled  by  the  names.  "  I  'm  not  a  visitor, 
and  I  'm  not  a  servant.  There  ought  to  be 
one  marked   'Queen,'  you  know " 


200  QUEEN   ALICE. 

Just  then  the  door  opened  a  little  way,  and 
a  creature  with  a  long  beak  put  its  head  out 
for  a  moment  and  said  "No  admittance  till  the 
week  after  next ! "  and  shut  the  door  again 
with  a  bang. 

Alice  knocked  and  rang;  in  vain  for  a 
long  time,  but  at  last  a  very  old  Frog,  who 
was  sitting  under  a  tree,  got  up  and  hobbled 
slowly  towards  her :  he  was  dressed  in  bright 
yellow,  and  had  enormous   boots   on. 

"  What  is  it,  now  ? "  the  Frog  said  in  a  deep 
hoarse  whisper. 

Alice  turned  round,  ready  to  find  fault  with 
anybody.  "  Where  's  the  servant  whose  business 
it  is  to  answer  the  door  ? "    she  began  angrily. 

"  Which  door  ? "    said  the  Frog. 

Alice  almost  stamped  with  irritation  at  the 
slow  drawl  in  which  he  spoke.  "  This  door, 
of  course  !  " 

The  Frog  looked  at  the  door  with  his  large 
dull  eyes  for  a  minute  :  then  he  went  nearer 
and    rubbed    it    with    his    thumb,  as   if  he  were 


QUEEN   ALICE. 


201 


trying     whether     the     paint    would     come"     off ; 
then  he  looked  at  Alice, 


"  To  answer  the  door  ? "  he  said.  "  What 's 
it  been  asking  of?"  He  was  so  hoarse  that 
Alice  could   scarcely  hear    him. 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean,"  she  said. 


202  QUEEN   ALICE. 

"  I  speaks  English,  doesn't  I  ? "  the  Frog 
went  on.  "Or  are  you  deaf?  What  did  it 
ask  you  ? " 

"  Nothing  !  "  Alice  said  impatiently.  "  I  've 
been  knocking  at  it !  " 

"  Shouldn't  do  that shouldn't  do  that " 

the  Frog  muttered.  "Wexes  it,  you  know." 
Then  he  went  up  and  gave  the  door  a  kick 
with  one  of  his  great  feet.  "  You  let  it  alone," 
he  panted  out,  as  he  hobbled  back  to  his  tree, 
"  and  it  11  let  you  alone,  you  know." 

At  this  moment  the  door  was  flung  open, 
and  a  shrill  voice  was  heard  singing  : 

"  To  the  Looking-Glass  world  it  was  Alice  that  said, 
'I've  a  sceptre  in  hand,  I've  a  crown  on  my  head; 
Let  the  Looking-Glass  creatures,  whatever  they  be, 
Come  and  dine  with  the  Bed  Queen,  the   White  Queen, 
and  me  ! '" 

And  hundreds  ,  of  voices  joined  in  the 
chorus  : 


QUEEN   ALICE.  203 

"  Then  fill  up  the  glasses  as  quick  as  you  can, 
And  sprinkle  the  table  with  buttons  and  bran : 
Put  cats  in  the  coffee,  and  mice  in  the  tea — 
And  welcome  Queen  Alice  with  thirty-times-three  !  " 

Then  followed  a  confused  noise  of  cheering, 
and  Alice  thought  to  herself,  "  Thirty  times 
three  makes  ninety.  I  wonder  if  any  one  's 
counting  V  Id  a  minute  there  was  silence  again, 
and  the  same  shrill  voice  sang  another  verse  : 

"  '  0  Looking -Glass  creatures]  quoth  Alice,  '  draiv  near  ! 
'Tis  an  honour  to  see  me,  a  favour  to  hear : 
'Tis  a,  privilege  high  to  have  dinner  and  tea 
Along  with  the  Red  Queen,  the  White  Queen,  and  me  I ' " 

Then  came  the  chorus  again : — 

"  Then  fill  up  the  glasses  with  treacle  and  ink, 
Or  anything  else  that  is  pleasant  to  drink ; 
Mix  sand  with  the  cider,  and  wool  with  the  wine — 
And  welcome  Queen  Alice  with  ninety-times-nine ! " 


204  QUEEN    ALICE. 

"  Ninety  times  nine  !  "  Alice  repeated  in  de- 
spair.    "  Oh,  that  11   never  be   done  !     I  'd  better 

go  in  at  once "  and  in  she  went,  and   there 

was  a  dead  silence  the  moment  she  appeared. 

Alice  glanced  nervously  along  the  table,  as 
she  walked  up  the  large  hall,  and  noticed  that 
there  were  about  fifty  guests,  of  all  kinds  :  some 
were  animals,  some  birds,  and  there  were  even 
a  few  flowers  among  them.  "  I  'm  glad  they  Ve 
come  without  waiting  to  be  asked,"  she  thought : 
"  I  should  never  have  known  who  were  the 
right   people   to    invite ! " 

There  were  three  chairs  at  the  head  of  the 
table ;  the  Red  and  White  Queens  had  already 
taken  two  of  them,  but  the  middle  one  was 
empty.  Alice  sat  down  in  it,  rather  uncomfortable 
at  the  silence,  and  longing  for  some  one  to  speak. 

At  last  the  Red  Queen  began.  "  You  Ve 
missed  the  soup  and  fish,"  she  said.  "Put  on 
the  joint !  "  And  the  waiters  set  a  leg  of  mutton 
before  Alice,  who-  looked  at  it  rather  anxiously, 
as  she  had  never  had  to  carve  a  joint  before. 


QUEEN    ALICE.  205 

"  You   look   a   little    shy ;    let    me    introduce 
you  to  that  leg  of  mutton,"  said  the  Eed  Queen. 

"Alice Mutton; 

Mutton- 


-  Alice." 
The  leg  of  mutton 
got  up  in  the  dish 
and  made  a  little 
bow  to  Alice ;  and 
Alice  returned  the 
bow,  not  knowing 
whether  to  be  fright- 
ened or   amused. 

"  May     I     give 
you   a    slice  ?  "   she 
said,  taking  up  the 
knife  and  fork,  and 
looking  from  one  Queen  to  the  other. 

"Certainly  not,"  the  Eed  Queen  said,  very 
decidedly :  "  it  isn't  etiquette  to  cut  any  one 
you've  been  introduced  to.  Eemove  the  joint!" 
And  the  waiters  carried  it  off,  and  brought  a 
large  plum-pudding  in  its  place. 


206  QUEEN    ALICE. 

"  I  won't  be  introduced  to  the  pudding, 
please,"  Alice  said  rather  hastily,  "  or  we  shall 
get  no  dinner  at  all.     May  I  give  you  some  ? " 

But  the  Eed  Queen  looked  sulky,  and  growled 

"Pudding- Alice;  Alice Pudding.     Eemove 

the   pudding ! "     and    the    waiters    took   it   away 
so  quickly  that  Alice  couldn't  return  its  bow. 

However,  she  didn't  see  why  the  Eed  Queen 
should  be  the  only  one  to  give  orders,  so,  as 
an  experiment,  she  called  out  "  Waiter !  Bring 
back  the  pudding !  "  and  there  it  was  again  in 
a  moment,  like  a  conjuring- trick.  It  was  so 
large  that  she  couldn't  help  feeling  a  little  shy 
with  it,  as  she  had  been  with  the  mutton ;  how- 
ever, she  conquered  her  shyness  by  a  great  effort, 
and  cut  a  slice  and  handed  it  to  the  Eed  Queen. 

"  What  impertinence !  "  said  the  Pudding.  "  I 
wonder  how  you'd  like  it,  if  I  were  to  cut  a 
slice  out  of  you,  you  creature!" 

It  spoke  in  a  thick,  suety  sort  of  voice, 
and  Alice  hadn't  a  word  to  say  in  reply :  she 
could  only  sit  and  look  at  it  and  gasp. 


QUEEN   ALICE.  207" 

"  Make  a  remark,"  said  the  Ked  Queen  :  "  it  'b 
ridiculous  to  leave  all  the  conversation  to  the 
pudding ! " 

"  Do  you  know,  I  've  had  such  a  quantity 
of  poetry  repeated  to  me  to-day,"  Alice  began, 
a  little  frightened  at  finding  that,  the  moment 
she  opened  her  lips,  there  was  dead  silence, 
and  all  eyes  were   fixed    upon   her;    "and   it's  a 

very   curious   thing,  I   think every   poem   was 

about  fishes  in  some  way.  Do  you  know  why 
they  're  so   fond    of  fishes,    all    about   here  % " 

She  spoke  to  the  Red  Queen,  whose  answer 
was  a  little  wide  of  the  mark.  "  As  to  fishes," 
she  said,  very  slowly  and  solemnly,  putting  her 
mouth   close  to  Alice's  ear,   "her   White   Majesty 

knows    a    lovely   riddle- —all    in    poetry all 

about  fishes.     Shall  she  repeat  it  ?  " 

"Her  Red  Majesty's  very  kind  to  mention 
it,"  the  White  Queen  murmured  into  Alice's  other 
ear,  in  a  voice  like  the  cooing  of  a  pigeon.  "It 
would  be  such  a  treat !    May  IV 

"  Please  do,"  Alice  said  very  politely. 


208  QUEEN    ALICE. 

The  White  Queen  laughed   with  delight,   and 
stroked   Alice's  cheek.     Then  she  began : 

" '  First,  the  fish  must  be  caught! 
That  is  easy:    a  baby,  I  think,  could  have  caught  it. 

'Next,  the  fish  must  be  bought.'1 
That  is  easy :   a  penny,  I  think,  would  have  bought  it. 

'  Now  cook  me  the  fish ! ' 
That  is  easy,  and  will  not  take  more  than  a  minute. 

'  Let  it  lie  in  a  dish  ! ' 
That  is  easy,  because  it  already  is  in  it. 

'  Bring  it  here !    Let  me  sup  !  ' 
Lt  is  easy  to  set  such  a  dish  on  the  table. 

'  Take  the  dish-cover  up  ! ' 
Ah,  that  is  so  hard  that  L  fear  L'm  unable  ! 

For  it  holds  it  like  glue 

Holds  the  lid  to  the  dish,  while  it  lies  in  the  middle : 

Which  is  easiest  to  do, 
Un-dish-cover  the  fish,  or  dishcovcr  the  riddle  ? " 


QUEEN    ALICE.  2(H) 

"  Take  a  minute  to  think  about  it,  and  then 
guess,"  said  the  Red   Queen.     "Meanwhile,   we'll 

drink  your  health Queen  Alice's  health  !  "   she 

screamed  at  the  top  of  her  voice,  and  all  the 
guests  began  drinking  it  directly,  and  very 
queerly  they  managed  it :  some  of  them  put 
their  glasses  upon  their  heads  like    extinguishers, 

and  drank  all  that  trickled  down  their  faces 

others   upset  the  decanters,    and  drank   the   wine 

as  it  ran  off  the  edges  of  the  table and  three 

of  them  (who  looked  like  kangaroos)  scrambled 
into  the  dish  of  roast  mutton,  and  began  eagerly 
lapping  up  the  gravy,  "just  like  pigs  in  a 
trough  !  "    thought   Alice. 

"You  ought  to  return  thanks  in  a  neat 
speech,"  the  Red  Queen  said,  frowning  at  Alice 
as  she  spoke. 

"We  must  support  you,  you  know,"  the 
White  Queen  whispered,  as  Alice  got  up  to  do 
it,  very  obediently,  but  a  little  frightened. 

"  Thank  you  very  much,"  she  whispered  in 
reply,   "but  I  can  do  quite  -Well  without." 


210  QUEEN    ALICE. 

"  That  wouldn't  be  at  all  the  thing,"  the 
Red  Queen  said  very  decidedly :  so  Alice  tried 
to  submit  to  it  with  a  good  grace. 

("  And  they  did  push  so ! "  she  said  after- 
wards, when  she  was  telling  her  sister  the 
history  of  the  feast.  "  You  would  have  thought 
they  wanted  to  squeeze  me  flat ! ") 

In  fact  it  was  rather  difficult  for  her  to 
keep  in  her  place  while  she  made  her  speech : 
the  two  Queens  pushed  her  so,  one  on  each  side, 
that    they    nearly    lifted    her    up    into    the    air : 

"  I    rise     to     return     thanks "    Alice    began : 

and  she  really  did  rise  as  she  spoke,  several 
inches ;  but  she  got  hold  of  the  edge  of  the 
table,   and  managed  to  pull  herself  down  again. 

"Take  care  of  yourself!"  screamed  the  White 
Queen,  seizing  Alice's  hair  with  both  her  hands. 
"  Something 's  going  to  happen  ! " 

And  then  (as  Alice  afterwards  described  it) 
all  sorts  of  things  happened  in  a  moment.  The 
candles  all  grew  up  to  the  ceiling,  looking  some- 
thing  like    a    bed    of    rushes    with    fireworks    at 


QUEEN    ALICE.  211 

the  top.  As  to  the  bottles,  they  each  took  a 
pair  of  plates,  which  they  hastily  fitted  on  as 
wings,  and  so,  with  forks  for  legs,  went  flutter- 
ing about  in  all  directions :  "  and  very  like  birds 
they  look,'"'  Alice  thought  to  herself,  as  well  as 
she  could  in  the  dreadful  confusion  that  was 
beginning. 

At  this  moment  she  heard  a  hoarse  laugh 
at  her  side,  and  turned  to  see  what  was  the 
matter  with  the  White  Queen;  but,  instead  of 
the  Queen,  there  was  the  leg  of  mutton  sitting 
in  the  chair.  "  Here  I  am ! "  cried  a  voice 
from  the  soup-tureen,  and  Alice  turned  again, 
just  in  time  to  see  the  Queen's  broad  good- 
natured  face  grinning  at  her  for  a  moment  over 
the  edge  of  the  tureen,  before  she  disappeared 
into  the  soup. 

There  was  not  a  moment  to  be  lost.  Already 
several  of  the  guests  were  lying  down  in  the 
dishes,  and  the  soup-ladle  was  walking  up  the 
table  towards  Alice's  chair,  and  beckoning  to  her 
impatiently  to  get  out  of  its  way. 

p  2 


212 


QUEEN   ALICE. 


"  I  can't  stand 
this  any  longer  !  " 
she  cried  as  she 
j  limped  up  and 
seized  the  table- 
cloth with  both 
hands :  one  good 
pull,  and  plates, 
dishes,   guests,  and 


QUEEN   ALICE.  213 

candles  came  crashing  down  together  in  a  heap 
on  the  floor. 

"And  as  for  you"  she  went  on,  turning 
fiercely  upon  the  Eed  Queen,  whom  she  con- 
sidered  as  the  cause  of  all   the   mischief — —but 

the  Queen  was  no  longer  at  her  side she  had 

suddenly  dwindled  down  to  the  size  of  a  little 
doll,  and  was  now  on  the  table,  merrily  running 
round  and  round  after  her  own  shawl,  which 
was   trailing   behind    her. 

At  any  other  time,  Alice  would  have  felt 
surprised  at  this,  but  she  was  far  too  much 
excited  to  be  surprised  at  anything  now.  "  As 
for  you,"  she  repeated,  catching  hold  of  the  little 
creature  in  the  very  act  of  jumping  over  a  bottle 
which  had  just  lighted  upon  the  table,  "  I  '11 
shake  you  into  a  kitten,   that  I  will ! " 


CHAPTER  X. 


SHAKING. 


She  took  her  off  the  table  as  she  spoke,  and 
shook  her  backwards  and  forwards  with  all  her 
might. 

The  Eed  Queen  made  no  resistance  whatever ; 
only  her  face  grew  very  small,  and  her  eyes 
got  large  and  green :  and  still,  as  Alice  went 
on    shaking   her,    she     kept    on    growing    shorter 

and  fatter and  softer and  rounder 

and 


CHAPTER  XL 


WAKING. 


-and  it  really  was  a  kitten,  after  all. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

WHICH      DREAMED      IT  ? 

"Your  Bed  Majesty  shouldn't  purr  so  loud/' 
Alice  said,  rubbing  her  eyes,  and  addressing  the 
kitten,  respectfully,  yet  with  some  severity. 
"  You  woke  me   out  of   oh !   such   a  nice    dream ! 

And   you  Ve   been   along   with    me,    Kitty all 

through  the  Looking-Glass  world.  Did  you  know 
it,  dear  % " 

It  is  a  very  inconvenient  habit  of  kittens 
(Alice  had  once  made  the  remark)  that,  what- 
ever you  say  to  them,  they  always  purr.  "  If 
they  would  only  purr  for  'yes,'  and  mew  for 
'no/    or    any   rule    of    that   sort,"    she   had    said, 


WHICH    DREAMED    IT  \  219 

"so  that  one  could  keep  up  a  conversation!  But 
how  can  you  talk  with  a  person  if  they  always 
say  the  same  thing  ?  " 

On  this  occasion  the  kitten  only  purred : 
and  it  was  impossible  to  guess  whether  it  meant 
'yes'  or  'no/ 

So  Alice  hunted  among  the  chessmen  on  the 
table  till  she  had  found  the  Eed  Queen  :  then 
she  went  down  on  her  knees  on  the  hearth-rug, 
and  put  the  kitten  and  the  Queen  to  look  at 
each  other.  "  Now,  Kitty  !  "  she  cried,  clapping 
her  hands  triumphantly.  "  Confess  that  was 
what  you  turned  into !  " 

("  But  it  wouldn  't  look  at  it,"  she  said, 
when  she  was  explaining  the  thing  afterwards  to 
her  sister  :  "it  turned  away  its  head,  and  pre- 
tended not  to  see  it :  but  it  looked  a  little 
ashamed  of  itself,  so  I  think  it  must  have  been 
the  Eed  Queen.") 

"  Sit  up  a  little  more  stiffly,  dear  ! "  Alice 
cried  with  a  merry  laugh.  "  And  curtsey  while 
you're     thinking   what    to what   to   purr.     It 


220 


WHICH    DREAMED    IT  ? 


saves  time,  remember ! "  And  she  caught  it  up 
and  gave  it  one  little  kiss,  "just  in  honour  of  its 
having  been  a  Red  Queen." 


"  Snowdrop,  my  pet !  "  she  went  on,  looking 
over  her  shoulder  at  the  White  Kitten,  which 
was  still  patiently  undergoing  its  toilet,  "  when 
will  Dinah  have  finished  with  your  White  Ma- 
jesty, I  wonder  %     That  must  be  the   reason  you 


WHICH    DKEAMED    IT?  221 

were    so    untidy   in    my    dream. Dinah !     Do 

you  know  that  you  're  scrubbing  a  White  Queen  ? 
Keally,  it 's  most  disrespectful  of  you ! 

"  And  what  did  Dinah  turn  to,  I  wonder  ?  " 
she  prattled  on,  as  she  settled  comfortably  down, 
with  one  elbow  on  the  rug,  and  her  chin  in  her 
hand,  to  watch  the  kittens.  "Tell  me,  Dinah, 
did    you    turn    to    Humpty   Dumpty  1      I    think 

you    did however,    you'd   better   not   mention 

it  to  your  friends  just  yet,  for  I  'm  not  sure. 

"  By  the  way,  Kitty,  if  only  you  'd  been 
really    with    me    in    my    dream,   there   was    one 

thing    you    ivould    have    enjoyed 1   had    such 

a  quantity  of  poetry  said  to  me,  all  about 
fishes  !  To-morrow  morning  you  shall  have  a 
real  treat.  All  the  time  you  're  eating  your 
breakfast,  I  '11  repeat  '  The  Walrus  and  the  Car- 
penter '  to  you ;  and  then  you  can  make  believe 
it 's  oysters,  dear  ! 

"Now,  Kitty,  let's  consider  who  it  was  that 
dreamed  it  all.  This  is  a  serious  question,  my 
dear,    and    you   should   not   go    on   licking    your 


222  WHICH    DREAMED   IT  ? 

paw    like    that as    if    Dinah    hadn't    washed 

you  this  morning !  You  see,  Kitty,  it  must 
have    been    either    me    or    the    Eed    King.      He 

was    part    of  my   dream,    of  course ^-but    then 

I  was  part  of  his  dream,  too !  Was  it  the  Red 
King,    Kitty  ?      You    were    his    wife,    my    dear, 

so    you    ought   to    know Oh,    Kitty,    do  help 

to  settle  it !  T  'm  sure  your  paw  can  wait ! " 
But  the  provoking  kitten  only  began  on  the 
other  paw,  and  pretended  it  hadn't  heard  the 
question. 

Which  do  you  think  it  was  ? 


223 


A   boat,  beneath  a  sunny   sky. 
Lingering  onward  dreamily 
In  an  evening  of  July 


Children  three  that  nestle  near. 
Eager  eye  and  willing  ear, 
Pleased  a  simple  tale  to  hear — 


Long  has  paled  that  sunny  sky  : 
Echoes  fade  and  memories  die  : 
Autumn  frosts  have  slain  July. 

Still  she  haunts  me,  phantomwise, 
Alice  moving  under  skies 
Never  seen  by  waking  eyes. 


224 

Children  yet,  the  tale  to  hear, 
Eager  eye  and  willing  ear, 
Lovingly  shall  nestle  near. 


In  a  Wonderland  they  lie, 
Dreaming  as  the  days  go  hy, 
Dreaming  as  the  summers  die 


Ever  drifting  down  the  stream- 
Lingering  in  the  golden  gleam- 
Life,   what  is  it  hut  a  dream? 


THE   END. 


[TURN  OYER, 


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