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Full text of "The Uncommercial Traveller"

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CONTENTS 

Bibliographical Note- v , .'- ...i- , . . ix 

CHAPTER r ■ 
His General Liae of ' Business .... I 

CHAPTER II 

The Shipwreck . ' . . . . . . z 

CHAPTER III 
Wapping Workhouse 2i 

CHAPTER IV 
Two Views of a Cheap Theatre .... 36 

CHAPTER V 
Poor Mercantile Jack 5 1 

CHAPTER VI 
Refreshments for Travellers .... 67 

CHAPTER VII 
Travelling Abroad ' . , ... 80 

CHAPTER VIII 
The Great Tasmania's Cargo .... 96 

CHAPTER IX 
Citjr of Lohdott Churches 109 

CHAPTER X 

Shy Neighbourhoods '. '. . . . . 133 

CHAPTER XI 
Tramps . , . . . . . \^ 



BIBUOGRAPHICAL NOTE 



in 1 860, and in the pages of All the 
^ear Rsuttdf that Charles Dickms began the 
:rie» ofpspers known aa The Umsmmgrcial 
tr. He condnued to contribute them to his 
from dcie to time (in three scries^ 1 S6o, 
id 1868-9) up to the year that preceded 
ith. We have the author's own words for 
%ia. ihac nuny of the papers lecord his persoQaJ 
ices. As he wrotcin a letier to Mrs. ]. T. 
ited Deceraber 16, 1868: — "I trust, my 
i^niusj that you have recognised yourself 
rtajn Uncommercial, and also some amal] 
to a name rather dear to you i As an 
of bo\v strapgely somc tbm g comic springs 
in the midst of the direst miaery, look to a 

Eig UncommcrciaJ, called J Sffuili Siar in 
t, published to-day, by-the-by. I have 
1 with eiactness, the poor places into 
Idi I went, and how the people behaved, and 
It tlicy laid. ] was wretched, looking dd ; and 
dw boiler-maker and the poor man ^vith the 
I filed me with a $enae of drollery not to be 
^^nwa by any pressure." 

ptpcn which form this volume appeared 

ly &i All thr Tear Rrrurfd, in, as I have said 

[inree more or less defined series. The first 

of them appeared anonymously under the 

title of The Vncommcriiai Tmvelkr^ at 

1 June »8, i860, to October 13, i86oj 

published in book form at the close of 

Separalc titles were only given to the 



X BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NQTE 

papen in ihe CDntents" list, snd these &equcntly 
differed from those wMch Dkkens adopted on tKc 
completion of the work. The second acrica, of i 
dozen papers, (beginning with From Davcr U 
Caiaii), ran from May i^ 1863, until Octobcf 24, 
1863. Then on October 10, 1 868, appeared sn fa- 
olaied paper (the last in thjs collection), The RuJSan. 
By an Vncaminerci&I TravfUrr, and the third series, 
with a fi-esh title as Nita Uncommercial Sampiei, 
duly signed by the author, began in the issue of 
die jourtal for December 5 following, and ran it 
irregular intervals until June 5, 1869. Of tU* 
Jast series one paper, ^ Fly Lea/ in a Life, has not 
been reprinted in 7ke Vncsmmercial Traveller, 

It is. worthy of note that In JunCj, 1862, when 
contemp]aring an Australian reading- tour — he had 
been offered _^io,aoo for an eight months' tour- 
Charles Dickens coDsidered the possibility of Idi 
writing d series of papers on his Antipodeao 
travels, to be entitled Jn VncsmmsrctAl Tra 
Vpide D&wn. 

WALTER JERROLD: 



)ode&P 

'II 



'he Uncommercial Traveller 



Chapter I 

BIS CEKEKAL LIKE OF HUSIKESS 

ALLOW me to inu'odiicc myself— first nega- 
tively. 
No UndJord ia my fricnti and brother, no cham- 
id loves me, do waiter warships mc, no booH 
res and envies tnc. No round of beef or 
kBgue or ham is expressly cooked for me, no 
jigcoD-pie is especially made for me, no hotcl-ad- 
aent is pcraonalljr addressed to me, no hotel- 
jni tapestried with great-coats and railway wrap- 
!pcn is set apart for me, no house of public etiter- 
i^uixuncct in the UmEed Kingdom greatly cares 
my opimon of ita brandy or sherry. When I 
upon my joameys, I am noi usually ra:ed ai a 
li>w iSgure in the bill ; when I come home fi-om my 
JDtinicys, I never get any commission. I know 
[ftulliitig about pHccs, and ahould have no idea, if I 
>ut to it, how to weedlc a man into ordering 
lag he doesn't want. As a town traveller, 
Dcver 10 be seen driving a vehicle externally 
young and volaole pianoforte van, and inter- 
xn oven in which a number of flat boxes 
ag in layers. As a country trsvclkr, I am 
Ht tA be ibimd in a gig, and am never to be en* 
y a pleafure train, waiting on the plat- 



I 



p 

I 

\ 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

form of a branch atauon, quiie a Druid in th 
midst of a light Stonehengc flf aamples. 

And yer — proceeding now, to introduce myse 
poaidvely — I am both a town traveller and a coui 
try traveller, and am always On the toad, FigUTS 
rivcly speaking, I travel for the great house of H 
man Interest Broihcra, and have rather a large co 
Dcccioo in the fency goods way. Literally speak 
ing, I am always wandering here and there fro 
ray rooms in Covetit 'garden, London — ^now aboi 
the city streets : now, about the coLintry by-roa( 
— seeing many liisle ihings, and some great things 
which, because they Interest me, I think may in 
est others. 

These are ray brief credentitils as the Udco: 
merdal Traveller. 




I 



Chapter II 

THE sHtPWBECK 

[EVER had I seen a year going out, or goir 

under quictcf clrCiLmstances. Eigfate< 

hundred and fiiiy-nine had but anolhcr day to liv( 

and truly its end waa Peace on that sea-shore ihj 

morning. 

So settled and orderly was everything acawar 
in the bright light of the smi and under ijic tram 
parent shadows of the clouds, that it was hard 
ima^e the bay ochermse, for years past or 
come, than it waa that very day. The Tu| 
steamer lying s little off the shore, the lighter 1] 
iog still nearer lo the shore, the boat lilongsidr t! 
lighter, the pe^larly- turning windlajs aboard tl 
lighter, the methodical figures at work, all alow! 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



re{;ular]y heaving up and down with the breath- 

of the sea, a]] seemed as much a part of the 

of tbc plice as the tide itself. The tide was 

the flow, and had been for some two hours and 

i-balT; dierc was a slight obsiructiDn in the sea 

a fc^v yards of my feet ; aa jf the stump of 

Ircc, with earth enough about it to keep it irom 

ig horizontally on the water, had slipped a liltlc 

llic land — -sind as 1 stood upon the beach and 

i^KTTeU it dimpling the light swell that was com- 

j?n, i cast a stone over it. 

So ardcriyr ^ c^uiet, so regular — the rising and 

of the Tug-steamer, the Lighter, and the 

tbc turning of the windlass — the coining in 

the tide — that 1 myself seemed, lo my own 

igj aityihiag but new to the spot. Yet, I 

never seen it In my life, a miatiie before, and 

iveraed two hundred miles to get at it. That 

. maming I had cQmc howling down, and 

3ing up, hill-coimtry raadj; looking back at 

oiry nimmits ; meeting courrcotis peasants well 

I do, driping fat pigs and cattle to market : noting 

Best and thrifiy dwellings, with their UDUsuaJ 

ly of clean white linen, drying on the bushes; 

windy weather suggested by every colter's 

ck, tvith its thatched straw-ridged and extra 

jcd into overlapping compartments like the 

rhUioceros. Had I not given a lii't of 

to the Coast -guaj-dsjn an (kit and all), 

coming to his spell of duty there, and had 

jiiat now parted company? So it was ; but 

jmey Becmed to glide do\vn into the placid 

other chafe and tiDuble, and for the mo- 

nothing veoA 60 calmly and monotonously real 

JKita the sunlight as the gentle rising and fallijig 

[nl ihr water with in freight, the regular turning of 



J 
I 



\ 



I 

I 

t 

I 



4 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TftAVELLER 

the windlass aboard the Lighter, and the sligfat at 
strucDon sa very near my feet. 

O reader, haply [urning this page by the firesic 
at Home, and hearing' the night wind rumble in 
chimney, that Blight obstruction was the uppernit 
fragment of the Wreck of the Royal Charts 
Australian trader and passenger ship, Homew; 
bound, that struck here on the terrible morning 
the twenty-sixth of tMs October, broke into thr< 
p*rt5, went down With her treasure of at least &i 
hundred hurran lives, and has never srirrcd since Ij 

From which point, or from which, she droi 
ashore, atcm foremost ; On wliich side, or 
which, she passed the little Island in the bay, 
Bgea henceforth to be aground certain yards outnc! 
her ; these arc rendered boctlesg questJons by 
darkness of that night and the darkness of" dcat 
Here she went down. 

Even as I &tood on the beach with the woi 
"Here she went down!" in my ears, a diver 
his grotesque dress, dipped heavily over the side 
the boat alongside the Lighter, and dropped to 
bottom. On the shore by the Water's cdgCj wa 
rough tent, made of fragments of wrecks wh« 
other divers and workmen sheltered themselves,: 
where they had kept Christmas-day with mm 
rOaSt becff to the destruction of their firail chimnc 
Cast up among the stones and boulders of 
bcacb, were great spars of the lost vessel, 
jnasae5 of iron nvistcd by the fiiry of the sea 
the strangest forms. The timber was alread 
bleached and iron rusted, and even these obj^ 
did 00 violence to the prevailing air the wl 
scene wore, of having been exactly the same 
yrara and years. 

Yet, only two short moptha had gone, ainceii 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



Jiving on the nearest hiU-top overlooking the 
bdng blown out of bed at about daybreak by 
id that tad begun to atrjp his roof off, and 
jg upon a ladder with his nearest neighbour to 
truct some temporary device for keeping his 
over hh head, saw from the ladder's elevation 
locked down by chance towards the shore, 
dark troubled object close in widi the land. 
he and the other, dcecending to the beach, and 
the Beamcrdlesaly beadrgovera great broken 
clambered up the stony ways, like stajr- 
iou.t stairs, on which, the wild village hangs 
'ie clusters, -ds trujl hangs on boughs, and had 
the alarm. And so, over (he hill-slopes, and 
the waicrtall, and down the gullies where the 
drmins offiuco the octan, the scattered quarry- 
«nd fishermen inhabiting chat part of Wales 
com« running to die dismal sight — their clergy- 
tua among them. And as they stood in the leaden 
[Diogt airicken with pity, leaning hjird against 
fwind, their breath and vision often tailing aa the 
and spray rushed at them Jroro the ever form- 
wid dissolving mountains of set, and a the 
which was a part of the vessel's cargo blew 
the salt foam and rcinpined upon the land 
the foam melted, they saw the ship's life- 
put off from one of the heaps of wreck j and 
Uicre wfcre three men in her, and in a mo- 
u the capiised, and there were but two; and 
s* she was &iruck by a vast ma&i of water, and 
was but one ; and ag:dn, she was thrown 
upward, and that one, with hi^ arm struck 
Bgh the broken planks aiid waving as if for the 
that coald never reach him, went down into 
deep. 
It WM (he clergyman himself ftom whcm I 



THB UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

rhe windlass aboard the Lighter, &itd the slight 

»»tniction bo very near my feet. 
O reader, haply turmug this page by the firea, 
flC Hoine, atid hearing the night wind rumble in r 
chimney, that slight obstruction was the upperm 
iragmeni of the Wreck of the Royal Char' 
Australian trader and passenger ship, Homew 
bound, that struck here on the terrible tnoming 
the twenty-siith of this October, broke into thx 
parti, went down with her treasure of at least 
hundred hLiiian lives, and has never stirred since 

From which point, or from which, she dro 
ashore, atern foremost ; on which aide, or 
which, she passed the little Island in the bay, 
agca he&ceforch to be aground certun yards on 
her ; these are rendered bootless questioas by 
darkness of that right and the darkucas of dcat 
Here she went down. 

Even a& I stood oa the beach with the woi 
" Here ahe went down ! ''' in my ears* a diver 
his grotetque dress, dipped heavily over the side 
the boat alongside the Lighter, and dropped to t 
bottom. On the shore by the water's edge, wa 
rough tent, made of fragments of wreck, whi 
other divers land workmen sheltered chemsdvcB, a 
where they had kept Christmaa-day with mm 3 
roajt beef, to the destruction of thdr frail chini 
Cast up among the stones and boijIder5 of 
beach, were great spara of the lost vessel, j 
masses of Iron twisted by the fiiry of the sea i 
the itrangCBt forms. The dmber was alrci 
bleached and iron rusted, and even ihcEC obj( 
did no violence to the prevailing air the wh 
scene wore, of having been exactly the same 
years and years. 

Yet, only two shore months had gone, una 



TH£ UNCOMMERClAl. TRAVELLEtC 5 

bving on the Dearest hill-cop overtooiung the 
being blown out of bed at aboul daybreak by 
jwitid that had begun to strip his roof off, and 
ig upon B ladder with his nearest neighbour to 
itrucC some temporary device for keeping hJa 
le over hia head, aaiv &om the ladder's elevation 
ie looked down by chance towards the ahorc^ 
dark troubled object close in with the land. 
he and the other, descending to the beach, and 
ig the sea mercilessly beating over a great broken 
b, had clambered up the stony wayi, like stair- 
withont stairs, on which the wiM village hangs 
htle clusters, as fruit hangs on boughs, and had 
the alarm. And so, over the hill-sIopes, and 
the vPaterfalU snd down the gullies where the 
drains off into the ocean, the scattered quarry- 
md fishermen inhabiting that pan of Wales 
come running to the dismal sight— their clergy- 
nan among them. And as they stood in the leaden 
Ktiing, stricken with pity, leaning hard against 
wind^ their breath and vision often failing aa the 
. and spray ru&hed at them from the ever form- 
JDg aad dissolvmg mountains of sea. and &b the 
wool which was a part of the vessel's cargo blew 
in with the salt foam and remained upon the Und 
vhea the foam melted, they saw the ship's lifc- 
toat put oW 6'oin one of the heaps of wreck ; and 
fast, there were three men in her, and in a mo- 
il ihe capsiaed, and there were but two ; and 
ii she was struck by a vast mass of water, and 
wat but one ; and agxin^ she was thrown 
upwud:, and that one, with hie arm struck 
igh the bri>ken planks and waving as If for the 
that could never reach him, went down ioto 
I deep. 
Ii w*M the clergyman himself from whom I 



m 



g THK UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



i 



pace, among the loose stones, the deep mud,- 
wet cDarse grass^ ih^ outlying wstcr, and other ob- 
{tnictioQS trum which frost and snow Jaad lately 
thawed. It was a niiBCake (my irietid was glad tQ 
tell mCj, on the way) to suppose that the peasantry 
rjjiad shown any superjdtious avoidance of tbc 
Hdrowncd ; on the whole, they had done very wel], 
and had ajsisted readily. Ten shillings had been 
paid for the bringing of each body up to the church. 
but the way was steep, and a horse and cart (in 
which it was wrapped in a sheet) were necessary, 
and thret or four men, and, all things considered, 
it was not a great price. The people were none 
the richer for the wreck, for it waa the season of 
the hcmng-shoal—and who could cb&I nets for fish, 
and find dead men and women In the draught ? 

He had the church keys in his hand, and opened 
the churchyard gate, and opened the church door; 
and we went in. 

It is a little church of great annqniiy ; there ii 
reason to believe that some church has occupied the 
spot, these thousand years or more. The pulpit 
waft gone, and other thinga usually belonging to the 
church were gone, owing to its bving congregation 
having deserted It for the neighbocring school-room,, 
and yielded it up to the dead. The very Com- 
mandments had been shouldered out of their placet, 
in the bringing in of the dead; the black wooden 
tables on which they were pdntedj, were askcvf. 
and on the stDtie pavement below them, and aa 
the itonc pavement all over the church, were the 
marks and stains where the drowned had b?cti laii 
down. The eye, with little or no aid from [he 
imagination, could yet see how the bodies had been 
turned, and where the head had been and where i 
tbc feet. Some faded traccn of the wreck of th( I 



g 



, THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 7 

^bkcn^piisseiigers^ wert known to have been in 
^K middle of ihe ship when she par:ed, and i:hu& 
^p coJJapsing wreck would have fallen upon diem 
^■r yawning open, and would keep them dawn, 
PHtver made known, even then, thst he ha.d come 
upon the body of a maD, and had sought to release 
rgpi A great superincumbent weight ; but thai, 
iQg he could not do so without routilaurgg the 
he had left it where it was. 
was the kind and whule^oine face 1 have made 
ioD of at being then beside me, that [ had 
ised to myself to ace, when J left home for 
I bad heard of that clergynmn^ as having 
cd mauiy scares of the shipwrected people ; of 
opened his houae and heart to their 
sed fnends ; ot his having used a most sweet 
pilient diligence tor wccka and ivceks, in the 
ICC of the forlorncst othces that Man can 
ier to his itind ; of his having most tenderly 
tlioroughly devoted hilUKlf to the dead, and 
loac who were sorrowing for the dead. 1 had 
10 myself, " In the Chriicmas season of the 
I should like to see that ma.n ! " Ajid he had 
the gate of his little garden in coming out 
mc, not half an hour ago. 
cheerful of spirit and guiltless of aifcctationj 
practical ChrisdanJty ever is! I read more 
ic New T^tacnent in the fresh frank face go- 
the village beside mc, in five minutes, than I 
nad in anaihc mad sing discourses (^Ibck put 
wiiii enormous dauri&hing of trumpets), in 
I heard morr of the Sacred Book in 
voice that hsd nothing to say al^ut its 
than in all the wodd-be celestial pairs of 
that have ever blown conceit at mc. 
cljixibed towards the little church, iX « cheery 



lo THE UHCOMHBRCIAL TRAVBLLKl 

llui led him ca notke tluT cren the mirfci up< 
iinen were somcumes iaconsisccQC with one am 
and tilUS he came to undcrsUnii ibdt the) 
dressed in gre^c hsstc and agiiauoD, and that 
tlothcs had becciae niixed logctber. The i 
ficadon of men by thar dress, was rcDden 
trcmely di^cult, in coDsequence of 2 large pi 
tion of them being dressed alike — id clothes • 
kind, thiit is to da.y, supplied by slopsellers m 
filters, and not tniade by single ganneiits I 
hundreds. Many of the men were biin^ni 
pzrrttu, and had receipts upcn them lor the. 
of the birds » others bad bilU of exchange i 
pockets, or in belts. Some of these docud 
carefully cnwrinlded and dried, were liiile 
in appearance that day, than the present pag 
be under ordinary droimstanccA, after having 
opcQcd three or four times. 

In that lonety place, ic had not been easy 
taifl even auch common commodities in tow 
ordinary diBinteccants. Pitch had been burnt 
church, as the readiest thing at hand, and thi 
ing-pai! in which tt had bubbled over a braii 
cOali was Bti!l there, with Its ashes. Hard t 
Comniunion-Table, w^rc some boots that had 
taken off the drowned and presetred — a goli 
ger'i boot, cut down ihc leg for its rcraoil 
troddcD'down man's antle*boot with a buff 
top — 8nd others — Boaketl and aandy, wecdj 
tait. 

From the church, we passed out into the ch 
yard. Here, there lay, at rhat time, one hu 
and ferty-five botfies, that h?d come ashore 
the ivreck. He had buried them, when not 
tilied. in graves containing four each. H< 
numbered each body in a register describing i 



F 

^B. placed a corresponding numb^ on each coffin, 
^K over each grave. Identified bodies he had 
^Pcd (ingly, in private graves, in anoChel- part of 
tne ciuirchyard. Several bodies had been cx- 
iwped &om die graves of four, as reladves had 
Hbc froOi B distance and Men his register; and, 
Hen recognised, these have been reburicd in p ri- 
vxte gravcEj so that the mourners might erect sepa- 
bcadstanc^ over the remains. In ail such cases 
pertonrcd the hineral service a. second rnne, 
the Udies of his house had attended. Tiiere 
been no ofleiicc in die poor a&hes when they^ 
brought again to the light oi day ; the benefi- 
E.arth had already absorbed it. T!ic drowned 
buried in their clothes. To supply die great 
demand for coitnsi he had got ail the 
{hbouring peoplf handj' at tools, to work the 
long daf, sjid Sutiday likewise. The coffins 
Vert neatly formed ; — I had seen two, waiting for 
^Rupants^ under the lee of the ruined walls of a 
^ke hut on the beach, within call of the tent 
fKcrc the Christmas Feast was held. Similarly, 
' «c of the graves for four was lying open and 
t, h<Te, in the chiirchyard. So much of the 
•pace was already devoted to the wrecked 
je, that the villagers had begun to express un- 
doubis whether diey themselves could lie in 
own g^riund, with their foretathers and de- 
1, by-and-by. The churchvard being but 
^mn the clergyman's dwelling-house, we 
•d lo due latter ; the white surplice was hang- 
Op near the door ready to be put on at any 
fiir ■ tuncral service. 

chccrfiJ earnestness of this good Chrisdan 
:er was as consolatory, as the drcunisunces 
'which it (rtone were sad. I never have seen 



K^M 



THE Ut^ COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER U 



2 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

form of a. branch atatjon, quiie a Druid in 
midsc of a light StoDchenge of samples. 

And ycl—proceeding pgw, to iniroduce mj 
positively — I am both 3 town traveller and a 
try traveJlcr, and am aJwayj on the road. Fij 
lively speaking, 1 travel lor the great house of 
man Interest Brothers, axid have rather a large 
necrion m the fancy goods way. Uteraily sp 
ing, I am always wanderitig here and there 
my rooms in Covcnt -garden, London — now 1 
the city streets : now, about the country by- 
— seeing many little things, and some great thinj 
which, because they interest me, 1 think may inU 
eat oEhers, 

These arc my brief credentials aa the Ud' 
mercial Traveller. 



Chapter 11 

THE SHIPWRECK 

NEVER had I seen a year going out, w" 
on, under quieter circumstances. Eighte 
hundred and fifty-nine had but another day to In 
and truly its end waa Peace on that sea-shore tl 
morning. 

So settled and orderly was everything seal 
in the bright light of the sun and under the 
parent ahadawa of the clouds, that it was hi 
imagine the bay otherwise, for years past 
come, than it was that very day. The 
steamer lying a little oiF the shore, the Lightel 
Sng still nearer to the ahcre, the boat aloBgsidii 
lighter, the regularly- turning windlass aboai 
lighter, the methodical figures at work, all A 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 13 




cluirchyard with iw open grave, which was the 
of" Dcaxb, to the Christian dwcliing aide hv 
with il, ivhJch was tjic type of Rcsmrecdon, 
;vcr shaJl think of the former, witJiocT die ktter. 
two will nKvays rest side by side in my 
ory. If 1 tad lost any one deaf to mc in thig 
ate ship, it 1 had made a. voyage horn 
aHi to look at the grave in the churchyard, I 
d go away, thankful lo GoD that that hous? 
■u 10 close to it, and that its shadow by day and 
a domesijc lights by night fell upon the earth in 
triBcfa us Master bad so tenderly laid my dear one's 

The rcfereraGM that naturally arose out of our 
<aivcrutioD, to the descriptions setic down of ihjpi- 
neckcd penans, and to the gradtude of reladons 
ai &tena9, made me very anxious to gee some of 
leners. f was presently seated before a ship- 
of papers, all bordered with black, and &oin 
I made the liillgwiiig few ejiaracts* 

mother writes : 

vtirxD Sm. Amongst the many who perished 

Ijoor shore waa numbered my beloved son. I 

I ooly ju»t recovering from a severe illness, and 

aSUction has caused a relapse, so chat [ 

at prcjcnt to go to identify the remains 

and lost. My darling aon would have 

sttecn on Christmas-day next. He was a 

amiable and obedient child, early taught the 

of aaJvatioQ. We fondly hoped that aa a 

aeuiun he might be an ornsment to his pro- 

., but,, " it is well ; " I feel assured my dear boy 

wiib the redeemed. Oh, he did not wiih to 

Uat voyage ! On the iiftecnth of October, I 

a lettCT from him ixom Melbourne, date 



4 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELI^S 






the wmdlass aboard the Llghtcri sod the slight ok 
BtrqcUon BO very near my feet. 

O reader, haply mrning this page by the Bresid 
at Home, and hearing the night wind rumble in 
chimney, that slight obatruction was the uppernK 
fragmert of the Wreck of the RoyaJ Chanc 
Australian trader and passenger ship, Hdiucws 
boctid, that struck here on the terrible momiiig 
the twenry-Bixth of this October, broke into tl 
pirtSj went down with her treasure of at least £i| 
hundred human lives, and has oever stirred since 

Froni which poict, or ii'om which, she droi 
ashore, siem foremost ; on which side, or 
wliich, she passed the liide Island In the bay, 
agCB henceforth to be aground certain yards out 
her ; these are rendered bootless questions by 
darkness of that night and the darkness of 
Here she Went down. 

Even aa I stood on the beach uith the woi 
** Here she went down J " in my ears, a divi 
his grotesque dress, dipped heavily over the aide 
the boat alongside the Lighter, and dropped to 
bottom. On the shore by the water's edge, ws 
rongh tent, made of fragments of wreck, 
other divers and workmen sheltered themselves, 
where they had kept Ckristmas-day with rum 
roast beef, to the destrucdon of cheur frail chimiw 
Cast up among' the stones and boulders nf 
beach, were great spars of the lost vessel, 
masses of iron twisted by the fury of the sea 
the strangest forms. The timber was akes 
bleached and iron rusted, acd even these obj< 
did no violence to the prevailing air the w 
scene wore, of having been exacdy the same 
years and years- 
Vet, only two short months had gone, sine 



TUB UNCOMMERCIAL TKAVGLLER 

1^ lividg on the nuresc hill-top overlodSclng th« 
being blown our of bed at ibouc dzybr^k by 
id that had begun to strip his roof off, and 
3g upon a kdd«r with tiis nearest Deighbour to 
Itruct aomc temporary device for keeping his 
over his head, saw from the ladder's elevation 
loolted down by chance towards the shore, 
dark troubled objecC cIqsc in with the tiind. 
he and the other, descending to the beach, and 
ig the Mfl mercilessly beating over a great broken 
had clinrobereii up the stony ways, like stair- 
wichout stairs, on which the wild village hangs 
Ettic clusters, as fruit hangs on boughs, and had 
the aiarm. And so, over the hill-slopes, and 
the waterfall, and down the gullies where the 
drminj off into the ocean, the scattered quiirry- 
'vcn Mid fishertuen inhabiting that part of Wnks 

Kcome running lo the dismal sight— their clergy- 
among them. And as they stood in the leaden 
iing, stricken with pity, Icitaing hard against 
wind, their breath and vision often failing as the 
and spray rushed at them from the ever form- 
abd dissoivilig mouDtaias of se^i, snd aj the 
which was a part of the vessel's cargo blew 
the salt fbam and remained upon the land 
ehc foam melted, they saw the ship's life- 
put off from one of the he.ap3 of wreck ; »nd 
there were three men in her, and in a mo- 
«be capsised, and there were but two ; and 
I, the WP3 striicfc by a vast mass of water, and 
was bnjt one ; and again, she vm thrown 
lom upward, and that one, with hia arm sauck 
I ibroa^ the broiceri planka and waving as if for the 
' kdp thai could never leacb Mm, went down into 
^deep. 
It waf the clergyman himself &om whom I 




I 



IG THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

Dear and nevir-to-be -forgotten Friends, 
arrived here yesierday morning without acddei 
and am about to proceed to my home by raUwaj'i 

J am overpowered when J think of you aiid yo' 
hospitable home* No words could speak langua] 
suited to my heart, I refrain, God reward y< 
with the same measure you have meted with ! 

I enumerate no namea, but embrace you all. 

My belovep Friehps. This is the first dj 
that I have been able to leave ray bedroDm since 
renimed, which will esplain the rcaaon of my 
writing SDcncr* 

li J could only have had my last melanch 
hope realised in recovering the body of my belo 
apd lamented son, J should have returned has 
somewhat comforted, and I think J could then ha- 
been comparadvely resigned. 

I fear now there is but little prospect, and 
mourn as one without hope^ 

The only consolation to my distressed mind is 
having been so feelingly allowed by you to lea 
the matter in your handa, by whom I well kno 
that everything will Se done that can be^^ accordii 
to arrangements made before I left the Bcene of 
Bwful catastrophe, bath as to the idendfication 
my dear son, and also his inEerment. 
,,i i«! most SBxioua to hear whether anythj 

ih has transpired since 1 left you ; will yoa n 

ather to the many deep obligations I am unc 
to you by writing to me? And should the bo' 
of my dear and unfortunate son be identified, let i 
hear from you immediately, and I will tome ag; 

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel I q 
40 you all for your benevolent aid, your kindni 
and your sympathy. 



TUB UNCOBifMERCUL TJRAVELLER 7 

*pas»Dger&, were kuewn to have betn in 
Elbe oiidiile of the ship when she parted, and thu4 
the coUspsing (vreck wpuld have IbJIhi upon them 
yawning open, aad would keep them dowa. 
\A diver tnsdc koawn, even ihen, that be had coine 
' =pon the b€>dy ot a man, and had sought to release 
it &^m A great Euperincumbem weigh: ^ bat that, 
fiading he could not do to wichout mudlating the 
immins, he had left \x where \% was. 

It wa^ the kind and wholesome tace 1 have trade 

ImeotioD of as being then beside me, ihat I had 

fTBrposedl TO myself to see, when J left home tor 

Wales. 1 bad heard of that clergyman, as having 

aaried many scores of the shipwrecked people ; of 

hartng opened his house and heart to their 

liaed Sietids ; of his having jsed a most sweet 

lod paticrl diligence for weeks and iveeks, in the 

liMTibnnance of the forlornest oiHccd that Man can 

lioidcr to his kind ; of bis having most tenderly 

(horpughly devoted himself to the dead, dtid 

who were sorrowing for the dead. 1 had 

to myseU*, "In die Christmas season of the 

1 ihoilld lilte to see th.flt man ! " ^4jid he had 

the gate of his little garden id coming out 

me, not half an hour ago. 

cheerful of spirit and guihleas of affectation, 

pncdcaj Christianity ever is! I read mote 

New Testament in the fresh frank face go- 

thc vHljge beside me, in five minutes, than I 

read in anathemadsing dtscouracs (aibeit put 

wriih enormous flourishing of trumpets), in 

life, I heard more of the Sacred Book in 

il voice that had nothicig to say about its 

fMITMr. than In all the would-be celestial pairs of 

thil have ever blown conceit at me. 

climbed towards the little church, at a cheery 



1 



» 



> 
k 



l3 THE UNCOMMERCIAI- TRAVKl^LER 

addidon 10 those indeta.ugabk exemoDB, at thi 
sccDc of the late disaster to the Royat Charter 
which have received iiniver&a] rtcOgnition , yoi 
have very benevolently employed your vaJuabli 
eSbtts to as&i^t such members of our fdih as havi 
sDught the bodies ot lost friends to give them burla 
in our consecrated grounds, with the obscrvancci 
and rites prescribed by the ordinances of our ri 
hgipn. 

The wardens desire me to lalce the earljc 
available opportunity to oiTer to you, on behalf 
our communiry, the eipreaaion of their warm 
Imowledgments and grateful [hanks, and thd 
Bircere wishes for your continued welfare an 
ptoiperiry. 

■ A Jewish gentleinin wiitei : 

R£V£K£HD AND DEAR SiR. I take thc OpportU' 

nity of thaJiHng you right earnestly for the prompi 
ii«a you displayed in answering my note with fu! 
particulars concerning my much lamected brothei 
and 1 also herein beg to express my sincere regm 
tar the willingness you displayed aiid for the facilit 
you afforded for getting the remains of my p 
brother exhumed. It has been w us a most sorrow 
fill and pttinfbl event, but when we meet with su 
friends as yom-self, it in a measure, somehow or oth 
abates that mental anguish, and makes the sufferin 
so much easier to be l>orne. Ctmsidcririg the 
cumsiantes connected with my poor brother'* fat 
it does, indeed, appear a hard one. He had be< 
away in all seven yesra ; he returned four ycais ig 
to see his family. He was then engaged to a 
amiable young lady. He had been very succcsbS 
abroad, end was now returning to fulfil his sacre 
vow ; he brought all liis property with him in gol 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

iured. We heard from him when the ship 
ed at Quecnstowa, when be was in the high- 
hope, and in a tew short hours afierwards aU 
|-«wsbed away. 

^oumibl in the deepest degree, but Cqd sscied 
location here, were the tiumcfous references to 
Tiuniatures of women worn round the necks 
lugb men (and fbund there after death), those 
of hair, those scmps of lettersj those many 
slight memoriaJs of hidden tenderness. One 
up by the sea bore about him, printed oa 
fbratcd lace card, the Ibllowiiig singular (and 
Ig) charm : 

IT the blessing of God await thee. May Ehe 
glory ihine around thy bed ; and may the 
of plenty, honour, and happiness be ever open 
May no sorrow distress thy days ; may 
dUturb thy tiighcs. May rhe pillow of 
tliy check, and rhe pleasures ofimagina- 
»d thy drcains ; and when length of years 
lec tired, of earthly joys, and the curtain of 
gently closes around thy last sleep of human 
cc, may the Angel of God attend thy bed, 
taic care that the expiring kmp of life shall 
receive one rude blast to hasten on its citinc- 



MBlor lud tbe^e devices^ on hi» right arm. 
Saviour on the Cross, the forehead of the 
and the vesture stained red ; on the lower 
o:' . 3: man and vegmar ; un une side 

the i . appearaiiL~c of a half inoon, with 

I oa tfac other iide> the sun ; on the tap at' 



-io THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEI 



tht Cross, the letters I.H.S. ; on the left am: 
man aad woman dancing, widi an effort to deli 
ate the lenule's dress ; under which, initiid 
Another seaman ** had, on the lower part of 
right arm, the device of a satlor Eind a female ; 
man holding the Union Jsck with s streajncr, 
folds of which waved over her head, and the t 
of it was held in her hand. On the upper part 
the arm, a device of Our Lord on the Cross, w 
stiis sulToundiDg the head of the Crass, and i 
Urge star oo the side Id ludlaji ink. On the 
arm, a flag, a true lover's knot, a &ce, and initial 
This lattooing was ibund auU plain, below the ( 
coloured outer surfcce of a mutilated arm, w] 
such suriface was carefully scraped away wit\ 
knife. It is noi improbable that the perpetual 
ol this marking cusEom atnong seanicti, may 
referred back to their desire to be identified, 
drowned and flung ashore. 

It Was some time before I could sever mya 
from the many interesting papers on the tabic, 4 
then I broke bread and drank wioe with the t 
femily before I left them. As I brought the Coi 
guard down, so I took the Postman back, with 
leathern wallet, walking 5tict, bugle, and ten 
dog. Many a heart-broken letter had he brou, 
to the Rectory House within two months; man: 
benignantly painstaking answer had he carried ba 

As I rode along, 1 thought of the many peoj 
inhabtiania of this mother country, who wo 
make pilgrimagcfl ro the little churchyard in ■ 
years to come j I thought of the many people 
Austpjlta, who would have an interest in si:cfc 
shipivrcck, and would find their way here wl 
they visit the Old World ; I thought of the writ 
of all the wreck of letters I had left upon the 



J 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 21 

resolved to place ihia little record where 
ids. Convoeadons, Conference 5, Diocesett 

and tkc like, will do a great deal fur 
1, J ihjc say, and Heaven send they may ! but 
ibt if they wiJ] ever do their Maecer'a service^ 

well, in all the time they last, as the Heaver 
seen it dene ia this blealc spot upon 
Sjgcd coast of Wales, 
■Uiid I lost the friend adny life, in the wrecit of 
^■toyal Charter ; had 1 lost my betrothed, il 
Br than friend of my lile j had I lost my maider 
boiltteT. had I lost ray hopefLiI biDy> had J lost n 

t child ; I would kiss the hands that worked 
and gcmly in the church, snd say, " Nou^^ 
CQuld have touched the lorm, though it hac 
it home." I could be sure of It, I could 
fal for it i I could be content to leave thtvj 
oear the hou^e the good family pass^ m atid^J 
every ii*y, undisturbed, in the little church'?,: 
) where eo many are su strangely brought to-; 

hshcnt the name of the clergyman to whom^ 

not without cairj'ing comibrt to aoine heart 

time — I have referred, my reference would 

nothing. He is the Reverend Stephen Rooae 

of Llanallgo, near Mocltra, Anglesey. 

fhrothcr is the Reverend Hugh Robert Hughes, 

rlio9» Alligwy. 



Chapter 111 

WAPPING W0(<tcHOU6£ 

y d.r.'f no-business beckoning me to the East 
end of London, I had turned my face to' 
poisl of the metropolitan cocnposs on leaving 



22 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

Covent-garden, and had got past the Liidia ?Io( 

tbintung in ray ]d!e maDner of Tippoo-Sahib 

Charles Lamb, and had got past my little wofl 

inidshjprnan, aiter atFectionatdy patticg kini on 

]eg of Ma biee-sliorts lor lAd acq uain lance' 

snd had got past Aldgate Pump, and had got 

ihc Saracen*8 Head (with an ignominious rash oi 

posting bills disfiguring his swarthy countenance) 

3nd had strollEd op the empty yard of his ancien 

htteighbour the Black or Blue Boar, or Bull, wbi 

MEpancd thin life ] don't know when, and whc 

Tcoaches are al] gone I don't know where ; 

had come out again into the age ot railways, 

had got past Whiicchap*! Church, and was — ra| 

inappropriately for an Uncommercial Traveller- 

ihe Commercial Rosd, Pleasandy wallowing 11 

the abundant mud of that thoroughfare, and grcath 

[enjoying the huge piles of building belonging to ihi 

^gar reSncrs, the little maSts and Vanes ID sma] 

back gardens in bsck atrects^ the neighbourinj 

.camals and docks, the India vans lumbering alon] 

•their etonc tramway, and the pawnbrokers* shoj 

where hard-up Mates had pawned so manjr 

lantB and quadrancs, ihiit 1 should have boaj 

few fheap if I had the least notion how to rs 

them, I at last began to file off to the right, t9 

wards Wapping. 

Not dial ] intended to take boat at Wat 
Old Stair:^, or that I was going to look at the 
ity, because 1 believe (for J don't) in the constancy 
of the young woman who toid her sea-going lover 
to guch a beautiful old tune, that she had ever con 
tioucd the same, since she gave him the 'bacccr-bo; 
inaHced with his name ; I ara a&aid he usually go 
the worst of those transactions, and was fHghtfijlji 
i^kcn in. No, I waa going to Wapping, be( 



shon 

O US 

II, t* 

focal 



:l 




THE UNCOMMERCIAI- TRAVELLER 33 

.Eastern police magistrate had Mid» through the 
ig papers, that there was no classification at 
W appitig worJdiouse ior women* and that it 
IS a disgrace and a shame, and divers other hard 
:icSf and because I wished 10 ace how the fact really 
For, that Eastern poticr magistrates are not 
liys the wisest men of the East, may be inferred 
chcir course of procedure respecting the fancy- 
Ig and panto mi me-postiiriDg at St, George's 
Lthat quarter : which is uaually, to discuss the 
ter at issue, in a state of mind betokening the 
wrakcst perplexity, with all parties concerned and 

ioncerned, and, for a final expcdicnc. to consult 
complainant as to what he thinks ought to be 
e with the defendant, and take the defendant's 
uoa a.s to what he would recommend to be done 
b bimaeir. 

Long before I reached Wapping, I gave myself 
1^1 u having lost my way, and, abandoning rnvBclf 
In the narrow streets in a Turkish framic of tnind, 
eelJed on predestination to bring me somehow or 
other to the place I wanted if I were ever to get 
liKTC. When 1 had ceased for an hour or bo to 
take mny trouble abcul the matter, [ found myself 
on ■ iwbig-bridge looking down at some dark locks 
i«ome dirtf water. Over against me, stood a 
remotely in the likcncia of a young man, 
a pu0ed sallow face^ and 3 figure all dirty and 
ij* and slimy, who may have been the youngest 
of his filthy old father, Thames, or the 
rned man about wham there was a placard on 
granite post like a Urge thimble, that stood be- 
tu. 
td this apparition what it called the place ? 
rhkh, it replied, with a ghastly grin and a 
like gurgling water 10 its throat: 



24 TMK UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



"Mr. Baker's trap." _ 

As it is A point of great scnsitivenMS with me n 
Kurh occasions to he equal to the intelkctuai prn 
sure of the copvcrsation, I deeply considered til 
meaning of this epeech, while J eyed the apparitlo 
— then engaged in hugging and sucking a horizoi 
tal iron bar at the top of ihc lactg. Inspiradj 
iiiggeated to me that Mr. Baker was the 
coroner of that ncighboarhood. 

" A common place for auidde," said I, lot 
down at Che locks, 

«• Sue ? '* returned the ghost, with a 
" Yes ! And Foil. Likewise Emily. And Na 
And Jane;" he sucked the iron between 
iiame j " and all the bileing. Ketches oSF tha 
bonnets or shorls, takes a run, and headers dav^ 
hcre» they doos. Always a headerin' down lifl 
they is, like one o'clock." -^ 

" And at about that hour of the morning, I s\^ 
poae ? " 

" Ah ! " said the apparition, " They an't ptJ 
tickler. Two 'cli do for tA/m. Three. All tini< 
o' night. On'y mind you ! " Here the apparido 
rested his pro&le on the bar, and gurgled in a sa 
castic manner. •• There must be Bomebody coinin 
They don't go a hesiderin' down here, wen the 
an't no Bobby nor gen'ral Covc^ fur to hear tl 
splnsh." 

According to my interpretation of these word 
I was myself a General Cove, or member of tl 
misccllRtieDus public. In which modest characicx 
remarked : 

** They arc oAen taken out, are they, ane 
stored?'' 

** r dunno about restored,'' said the appani 
who, for some occult reason, very much objc 



& UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 25 

word ; " dicy're carried into the wcrkire 
into a 'ot bath, Jiid brdughi round. But I 
ibout restored," siaid the apparidon ; " blow 
— and vanulietl. 
had ?i]pwn a desire to becotn« offensive, I 
sorry to find myself alone, especially as 
criuss '" it liad indicated with a twist of its 
head, was close m hand. So I left Mr. 
terrible trap (baited with a scum that was 
saapv nnung of soaty chimneys), and 
>ld to ring at the worldiuusc gate, where I 
>llv unexpecled and quite unkuoWD. 
y bright and nimble litde tnairon, with a 
if keys in her hand, responded to my re- 
set the House. I began to doubt whether 
cc magistrate was quite right in his facts, 
aoticed her quiclc acdve little figure aod 
dligcnt eyes. 

Xraveiicr (the matron indraatcd) should see 
fst first- He was welcome to 3ee every- 
Such as it was, there it all was. 
was the only preparadon for olf entering 
Soul vvajds.*^ They were in an old building 
id away in a comer of a paved yard, quice 
id fxom the more modern and spadous main 
ihc workhotwe. They were in a building 
rwTurrcusly behind the dine — a mere series 
u or lofts, with every inconvenient and ob- 
ble circamBtance in their construcdon, and 
c by ftteep and narrow aiaircases, in- 
iapted for the parage up-staira of the 
<Sow-ii^sCairB of the dead. 

in these miserable rooms, here on bed- 
there (for a change, as I under&food it) on 
T, were women in every stage of distreM 
c. None but those wiao have attentivelv 



36 THR UNCOMMERCIAl, TRAVELLER 



obaervcd such scenes^ can conceive the cxtrac 
nary variety of expression: sdll latent under the] 
cral monotonj' and uniformity of colour, acdt 
and condition. The forni a little coiled u| 
turned away, as though it had turned its bat 
this world tor ever ; the uniniercited face at 
lead-coloured and yellow, looking pasaiveEy upi 
from the pillow ; the haggard mouth 
dropped, the hand outside the coverlet, so dullj 
indifferent, so light, and yet so heavy ; these 
on every pallet; but when I stopped beside a' 
and said ever so ellght a word to the figure lyii? 
there, the ghost of the old character came into th 
face, and made the Foul ward as various as the Sd 
world. No one appeared to care to UvSt but III 
one complEtined ; all who could fpeat, said that ■ 
much was done for them as could be done there 
that the attendance was kind and patient, that thd 
^fiering was very heavy, but they had nothmg D 
sk for. The wretched rooms were as clean am 
iweet ai it is possible ±br such rooms to be ; thq 
would become a pest-houfie in a single week, j| 
they were ill-kept. 

I accompanied the brisk matron up another i 
bsrous staircase, into a better kind of loft dei 
to the idiotic and imbecile. There was at 
Light in it, whereas the windows in the foi 
wards had been like sides of schoolboys' 
cages. There was a strong gtating Over the] 
here, and, holding a kind of state on either aic 
the hearth, separated by the breadth of this gra^ 
were t^vo old ladies in a condition of feeble di( 
which was surely tlie vcrj' last and lowest rt 
tion of self-complaccnc)', to be found in this 
derful hnmanicy of oura. They were evid* 
jetlouB of each other, and passed their whole 



THE UNCOMMBRCIAL TRAVELLER 27 

people do, whose fires are not grated) in 
]y disparagiiig each other, and contemptuously 
ig their neighbours. One of these parodies 
kroviaci:iI gendewomen was extremely talkative, 
[expressed a strong desire to attend the service 
lunda%'3, from which she represented herself to 
derived the grestest interest and conEolation 
allowed that privilege. She gossiped so 
L end loolted altogether fio cheery and hannles?, 
I begin to think this a case for the Eastern 
lie, matil J found thai on the last occasion 
attending chapel she had secreted n small 
and liad caused some confiiaion in the re- 
by suddenly producing it and belabouring 

rgation . 

lent two o!d UdicB, separated by the breadth 

gwdng — otherwise they would fly at one 

icr'i ops — ^11 all day long, suspecdng one 

icr, and contemplating a world of fits. For, 

else in the room had fits, except the 

iman ; ao elderly, able-bodied pauperesf, 

irge upper lip, and an air of repressing and 

jg her strength, 35 she stood with her hands 

before her, and her eyes slowly rolling, bid- 

T time for catching or holding somebody. 

civil periOnage fin whom 1 regretted to iden- 

i reduced member of my honourabJc friend 

"i fcniily) said, "They has 'em con- 

They drops without no more notice 

if they was coflch-hofBCS dropped from the 

sir. And when one drops^ another drops, 

jotnetimes thcrc'l] be as many as four of five on 

•C once, dear me, a rolling and a tcarin', bless 

I* — this young wotnam, now, has 'em dreadful 

turned tip this young woman's iace with her 



i& THB UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEKl 

hand as she said ic. Thi& young womin . 
seated DD tiie Roof, pood^ring in the forcgroui 
the siflicted. There wais nothing repclieiit 
:ii her face or head. Many, apparently 
variedea. of epilepsy and hysteria were abouLj 
but she was said to be the wurst here. WJ 
had spoken to her a little, she sdll sat with he 
turned up, pondering, and a gleam ol* the inici 
sun shc^ne in upon her, 

— -Whelher this young woman, and the r( 
^CEC ao sorely Troubled, as they sIt: or lie pal 
ing in theii confused dull way, ever gee tncnl 
gLjmpses amgng ihe motes hi the gunljgbt, ( 
healthy people aud healthy things i Whether tb 
young woman, brooding like thi& in the &ui 
jeason, ever lhi£ik.& that somewhere there «rc 
And Bowers, even mauniains and the great 
Whether, rot to go so tar, this young wotrai] 
has any dim revclatJoD oi that young woman- 
■ynung woman who is not here and never will 
here; who is courted, and caressed, and lovct 
has a husband, and bears children^ and lives 
home, and who never knows what it is to have 
lashing and tearing coining upon her ? 
whether tliia young woman, God help her, 
herself up then and diops like a coach'hor&e 
the moon } 

I hardly knew whether the voices of 
children, penetrating into 50 hopeless a place, 
a sound that was pleasant or painful to mi:. Ul 
something to be reminded thzt the weary 
wai not all dwcary, and was ever renewing it 
but, this youDg Woman wai. i child not long agi 
and » child not long hence might be such as sb 
Howbeii, the active step and eye of the vi( 
nuiron conductedin« past the two pravitidal 



vigik 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 29 

hose dignity was ruffled by the children), 

'the adjftce&E nursery. 

were many babies here, and more than 

some young motiier. There were ugly 

thers also, and sullen young mothers, and 

uDg innlhcrs. But, ihe bsbies had not 

cd to [hemselves any bad expression yet, 

I llflvc been, for anything that appeared to 

rj." in their soft iaces, Princes Imperial, 

E esses Royal. I had the pleasure of giving 
<x>m mis sign io the baker's wdn to make a 
flJl despatch and toss iC into [he oven for 
^eaded young pauper and myself, and Iclt 
f better for it. Without that rc&eshment, 
if I should have been in a condition for 
fracwrfes," towards whom ray quick little 
-for whose adaptation to her office I had 
mc conceived a genuine respect— drew me 
I marshalled me the way thar I was going. 
Le&actoric5 were picking oalcuin, in a small 
ring on a yard. They aat in line on a 
th their haclta to a window ; before them, 
ai>d their work. The oldest Refractory 

t twenty ; youagest Refractory, say sixteen. 
;ver yet ascertained iti the course of my 
Tcial travels,, why & Refractory habit 
ct the tonsIU and uvula ; but, I have al- 
rved that Refractories of both sexes and 
de, between a Ragged School and the Old 
ave one voice, in which the tonails and 
pi a diseased ascendency, 
pound indeed ! I hain't a going fur to 
pound,'* said the Chief of the Refractories, 
time to herself with her head and chin, 
than enough to pick what we picks now, 
place IS this, and on wot wc gets here ! " 



N 



30 THE UNCOMMERCIAl- TRAVEL! 

(This was an aclraowlcdgirent of a dclicaj 
iDBlinn that the amomit of work was likely Cc 
creased. Il certaialv was no: heavy then, i 
Refractory had already done her day's taskn 
barely two o'cloclc^ — -and wai pitting behind I 
a head exactly matciiiiig tc.) 

"A pretty Ouse ihJs is, matron, ain't ic] 
Refractory Two, *' where a plergcman's ca) 
if a gal says a word ! " 

" And wen you're sert to prison for noti 
less ! " said the Chief, lugging at her oakum 
were the matron's hair. " But any plsce It 
dian this ; that's ore thing, and be thankful ] 

A Isngh of Refractories led by Oskiitn 
with folded amis — who originated nothing, b 
was in command of theskirmisherB otitridt tl 
versa ti on. 

" if any place is betler than this," said m 
guide, in the cahnesc manner, " it is a pity y 
a good place when you had one.** 

*' Ho, no, I didn't, matron," returned the ' 
with another pull at her oakum, and a very e; 
ivc look at the enemy's forehead. *' Doj 
thai, matron, cos it*s lies ! " 

Oaknra Head brought up the skirmiaiicn 
sicirmishcd, and retired. 

"And / wam't a going," exclaimed Ref 
Two, " though I was in one place for aa Ir 
four year — / wam't a going fur to stop in i 
that warn't fit for me— there ! And whe 
family viirn't 'spcctable characters — there! 
where 1 fort'natcly or hunfort'naiely, faund i 
people wam'i what they pretended to mak« 
seU'cs oHt to he — there! And where it 
their faults, by chalks, if I wam't made 
ruinated— Hah ! " 



I THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 31 

^■bring this speech. Oakum Head hsd again 
^^ 1 diversion with the skirmishers, and hac 
^M withdrawn. 

jhc Uncommercial Traveller ventured to rema]^| 
ht he supposed Chief Relractory and NumbciJJ 
One, to be the two young women who had beei^tj 
■ta before the magistrate ? ■*' 

^Hes!'* said the Chief, "we harJ and th« 
Wkct is, thac a pleeseman an't 'ad in iio\v, aw 
jje took off" Jgcil. V'ou can't open your lips here, 

1: 3 pbewman." 

imber Two laughed (very uvnalarly), and th 
ifhcrs folEowfd suic. 

i-»ure Vd be cliuntful/* protested the ChJ 
levrnyx at the UncomrtiOTcjar, "if I could' 
to a plncc, or got abroad. I'm sick anAj 
lij ptedoii& Ousc, 1 am, mth reason." 
ild be, and so was. Number Two. S 
and SCI was. Oakum Head. So vvoul 
were. Skirmishers. 
Fttcommerciiil took tlie liberty of hintin 
ily thought it probable that any lady o: 
Mn ia want of » Ukely young domestic o 
ag manners, would be tcjnpted itito the en 
lent of either of the two leading Refractoricsi 
ia o;vn prcaenc^ition of herself as per sample. 
'It ain't no good being nuthink die here," sai 

lief. 

Unrommcrcial thought it might be wor 



Ih Do it ain't," said the Chief, 
'Not « bit of gnod," aaid Number Two. 
[And I'm sure I'd be very thankful 10 be gc 
[• place, or gDl abroad," $md the Chief. 
'And 8f>»houId I»'' said Number Two. "Trul) 
ikfiil, I ihould." 



Oakum Head then rose, and Htmounce 
entirely new idea, the memion of which ] 
uovclcy might be naturally expected to st 
unprepared hearers, that she would be vcr 
fill ID he got into a place, or got abroad, 
if she had then said, ** Chorus, ladies!" 
Skirmishers struck up to the aamc parpoi 
left thetn, thereupon, and began a long wal 
the women who were simply old and inft 
whenever, in the course ot this same walk, 
out of any high window that commflnded t 
[ saw Oakum Head and all the other Rcf 
looking oui at their low window for me, sa 
Ming to catch me, the inoment I showed r 

In ten minutes I had ceased to believe 
fables of 3 golden time as yotith, the prime 
or a hale old age. In ten mirutcB, aU the 
womankind seemed to have been blown 
nothing in that way to be left this vault to 
but the flickering and expiring snufta. 

And what wafi very curious, was, that tl 
old women had one company notion which 
fashion of the place. Every old woman 1 
came aware of a visitor and WSS not in bed 
over a form imo her accustomed scat, and 
one of a line of dim old women coniroii 
other line of dim nid wcmen across a narro 
There was no obBgatiDn whstever upon 
range themselves in this way ; it was their 
of " receiving." As a rule, thcv made no 
[11 talk to one another, or to Ifiolt at the vi 
to look at anything, but sat ailcntly worki 
mouths, like a sort of poor old Cows. In 
theae wards, it was good to ire a few green 
in others, an Isolated RcfraL'tory acting a 
who did well enough iti tliat c.apacitj'. 



I 



MMERCiAL TRAVELLER 




ier fompeera ; every one of these wards, 
m, night room, or both combined, was 
A»\y dean and fresh. I iitve seen as many 
ices as most travellers in my line, and I 
such, better kept. 
le bedriddcD there was grest patience, 
re Dti ihe boofca under the pJlJow, great 
SD. All cared for aympsrhy, bur none 
ro be encouraged with hope of recov- 
the whole, I should say, it was considered 
distinctioii to have a complicarion of dis- 
ind to be in a worje way thtui dke rett. 
mve of the windows, the river couEd be 
I^aU its life and mavemcnt ; the day was 
^■I came upon no one who wm looking 

It laj^e Ward, sitting by the fire in arro- 
' diitinction, like the Presidanr and Vice of 
I company, were two old women, upwards 
»eai^ of age. The youi:ger of the twoj 
Dinecy, was dcal» but not very, and 
be made to hear. In her early time 
racd a child, who wa& now anoiher old 
■re inAim than herself, inhabiting the 

lambcr. She perfectly understood this 

fe matron told it, and, with- sundry nods 
dons of h«r forefinger, pointed out the 
tn queiiion. The elder of this pair, nincty- 






p 



a,, J iTtiat the ^vi. ^^^^ 

alteration vvooia *'« ""•,;" a„d ate 

« ^.^^ f"o k tor/for *«rb^=p^^;-,,eu™ 

tte wise ""=««*'" ■ 



[THE UNCOMMEKCiAL TRAVELLER 35 



l&rli about it, must Iciok tothe Nordi and South 
|Weit; let ihcm also^ my rnprning before 
, the jcat of Solomon, look into the shops and 
En;! nil around the Temple, and fir&c ast them- 
"h^w niuch more caD these poor people — 
of whom teep themselves witJi difficulty 
I uu: of the workhouse — bear ? " 
ai yel other matter for rtiiicction i3 I jour- 
tiomc, basniuch as, before I altogether de- 
&om tiie neighbourhood of Mr, Baker's trap, 
bocked at the gate of the workhouse of Si. 
peViii- the- East, and had found it to be an cs- 
ncni highly creditable to those parts, aad 
ily well administered by a most iutelHgeni 
I rcTiiariccd in it, an instance of the col- 
barm that ohstinaic vanity and folly can do. 
Was the Hall where those old paupers, male 
owle, whom 1 had just secD, met for the 
cb «rv:ctf, was kl "— " Yes."—" Did they 
ic Paalms to any instrument ? "— " They 
^kc lo, very much; they would havs an 
rdioary interest in doing 50,** — " And could 
be got } ** — " Well, a piano could even have 
[got for nothing, but these unfortunate dissen- 
Ah ! hertcr, far better, my Christian 
in the beautiful garment, to have let the 
ijg boys ulonc, and left the multitude to ang 
isclvcs ! V'ou should know better than 1, 
tliinlc 1 have read that they did so, once 
finn:, and that " when they had siing an 
," Some one (not in a beautiful garment) went 
tlic Mmint uf Olives, 
ie my heart ache to think of this miserable 
in the street! of a city where every stone 
ro call 10 mc, as J walked along, " Tutuiii% 
I, aoJ see what w-aitj to be done \ " "ao \ 





As t Aat tW doer vf wr lod^tttg befaiad 
cad CBBC oat tnto tK itrRts ti ax 

(SttXDbg acmitlcir cwesuqc id tac usS 
of Januanr, lO tlut ne^Uxioriiood i 
girdcn kokcd rciy dookte. It u sq 
od^iboarliood whicli has stwc bctrer cUrs. 

weather affects it sooner than another place' 
hzs not come down in the world. In its preseEt 
reduced condition it bears a thaw almost worte 
than ajty place 1 know. It gets so dreadtully low-j 
spirited when damp btesfcs fonb, Thyjc wot 



kTHE UNCOMMERCUkL TRAVELLER 37 
oQsn ^bout Dniry-lanc Th«trc, which in the 
T days of theatres were proBperous and Isni 
etded pUces of business, and which now chani 
laiicU every Week, but never change their character 
ig divided and sub-divided ori the ground 
into mouldy dens of shops where an orange 
khalf-a-doien cuij^ or a pomatum- pot, one cake 
icy soap, and a cigar boi, are offered for sale 
never sold, were most nicliilly contemplated 
evening, by the statue of Shakespeare, with 
KJropa coursing one another down its iano- 
nosc. Those inscrutable pigeon-hole offices, 
Dothrng in them fnot so much as an inkstand) 
model of a theatre betbre the curtain, where, 
Icalutn Opera season, tickets at reduced 
■re kept OD sale by nomadic gentlemen in 
hats too tall for them, whom one occasion- 
Iftccins 10 have seen on race-courses, not wliolly 
incctcd with strips of cloth of various colours 
ti roHiRg bal] — those Bedouin establishments, 
ted by the tribe, and tenanlless, except when 
ing in one corner an irregular row of ^nger- 
30ttle*» which would have made one shuddet ' 
ich a night, but for its being plain that they 
nothing in ihem, shrunk from the shrill cries 
se newsboys at their Bxctiange in the kenrcl 
wthcrinC- street, hke guilrv thinga upon a tearhd 
aoB*. At the pipe.Bhop in Great Ruisell- 
t, the Dcath'fi-hcad pipes were like theatrical 
i?t> tnori, admonishing beholders of the de- 
tif the playhouse as an lusticuticn. I walked 
jw-«ircctj disposed to be angry with the shops 
tIwt were Eetting oat iheatrit'-al secrets by cx- 
ig to work-a~day humanity the stutT of which' 
u and rnbei of kings are made. I noticed ' 
aemc *hops whu-h had once been in the dri- 



^.Si 




on prosperousi 
known, who took lo b^siDcss and failed to inflke it 
answer. In a word, those streets loofccd so dull. 
and;, coniidered as rbeatricd sircets, 50 brolken aiv.l 
bmiknipt, that the Found Dead on the black board 
at the police stadon might hsve announced the de- 
cease of the Drama, and the pooh of water oui- 
mdc the fire-engine tnakers at the cofner of Lorg- 
acre might have been occs^sioced by ids having 
brought out the wbole of hii stock to play upon iu 
laat sniDulderjng ashea. 

And ycl» on such a night jn so degenerate c 
time, the object of my journey was theatrical. 
And yet wkhjn half an hour I was in an immcnH 
theaDrc, capable of holding nearly five thouiandi 

K What Theatre? Her Majesty's i Far better. 

^.oyal IteHan Opera ? Far better. Infinitely su- 
perior to the latter for hearing in ; infinitely su- 
perior to both, for seeing in. To every part of 
this Theatre, spacious fire-proof W3y& of uigreii 
and egress. For every part of it, convenient places 
of refreshment and retiring rooms. Everything 10 
C3t and drink carefully supervised as to quality, and 
sold at an appointed price ; respectable iemale at- 
tendarts ready for the commonesi women in the 
audience ; 2 general air of consideradon, decor 
and supervision^ most commendable ; an unqi 
tionably huimtniiing inilueuce m all the social 
rangements of the place. 

Surely a dear Theatre, then ? Because 
were in London (not very long ago) Theatres with 
entrance-prices up to half-a-guinea i head, whose 
arrangements were not half so civilised. Surely, 
therefore, a dear Theatre I Not very dear. A 



ihreepencc, another gallery at fourpenc-c, 
sixpence, boica and pit-scalls at a siiillirg, 

private-boxes at hali-a-crown. 
incoianiercial curioairy induced me to go 
ry nook of thia gieat place, and among 
35 of Uie audience assembled in jl — araounC- 
Evetiing, as I calculated, to about two iKou- 
odd hundreds. Magnificently lighted 
lament of sparkling chandclicra^ the build- 
ventilated to perfection. My sense of 
, without being pardcularly delicate, has been 
icd in some of the commoner places of 
sort, that J have often been obliged to 
Em when 1 have made an uncommercial 
expressly to look on. The air of this 
was fresb^ cool, and whole&orae. To 
K'ards this end, very sensible precautions 
en used, ingeniously combining the ex- 
nre of hospitals and railway stadons. As- 
pavetnents BubsdtLited lor wdoden floors, 
tc bare walls of glazed brick and rile--even at 
xck of the boxes — for plaster and paper, no 
Stuflcd, and no carpeting or baizc uscd ; a 
kicrial wkh a light glazed surface, being the 
of the seats, 

' various contrivances arc as well considered 

lace in question as if jt were a Fever Hos- 

rcsulc is, that it is sweet and healthful. 

constructed from the gr^iund to the 

th i carefn] rcfercrcc to sight and sound in 

-comer i the residt ia, that m form ia beauti- 

thai ihe appearance of the audience^ a; 

the pfciBcenium — ^wilh every iace in it 

lijig the stage, and the whole so admirably 

id turned to that centre, that a hand can 

[move in the great assemblage without the 



40 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 




mciv«:ttieiiT bc^g seen from thence — » highly 
markable in its union of vsstness with compzcti 
The stage itself, and all ks appurteoanccs of 
cbinery, cellarage height and breadth, are on a at: 
more like the Scala at Milan, or the San Carlo ^ 
Naples, or the Grand Opera at Paris, than anj 
Borioti a stranger wouM be likely to form of 
[Britannia Theatre at Haxion, a mile north of-j 
Luke's Hospital in the Oid-Btreet-rottd, Lone 
The Forty Thieves might be played here, 
every thief ride his real hLTsc, ard the disgt 
captain bring in his oil jars on a trairi of real camels, 
and nobody be put om of the wsy. This reallj 
extraordinary place is the achievement of one man's 
enterprise, and was erected on the ruins of an in- 
convenient old building in less than five moatha, ti 
a round cost of five-and-tweniy thousand pounds. 
To dismiss this part of my subject, and stiii tc 
render to the proprietor the credit that h suictlj 
his due, 1 must add that his scrse of the respond- 
biliiy upnn him to make the best of hia audjence, 
and to do hij be^t for them, is a highly agreca 
jjgn of these times. 

As the spectators at this theatre, for a reasc 
will presently show, were the object of my jc 
Dcy, J entered on the pky oi the night as oni 
the two thouaand and odd hundreds, by lool 
about me at my Dcighboura. Wc were a md 
assemblage of people, and we had a good 
boys and young men among us ; we had also mi 
girls and voung women. To represent, howeveij 
that we did not include a vcrv great number^ and t 
very Jair propordon of tamily groups, wotild be tE 
make a gross m:a -statement. Such groups were K 
be seen in xll parts of the house ; in the Ixtxes 
BtB]l» particularly, they were composed of pcrs 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 41 

</ rcr^ decent appearance, who bad many children 
with xhem. Among our dresses chert wtre tnoBt 
kiad* ol' shabby and greasy wear, and much fusdsn 
snd corduroy that was DQther sound nor Iragrant. 
The cap» of our young men were mostly ol"a limp 
cbarvctcr, and we who wore thcin, slouched, high- 

Kildercd. into our- places with our hend& m our 
kets, and occasionally twisted our cravats about 
necka like cets, and occasionally tied them 
_dawD our breaets like links of saxisageii,. asd occa- 
illy had a screw in our hair over each cheek- 
with a slight Thief- flavour in it. Besides 
rlcTi and idlers, wc were nncchanics, dock- 
cos termongers, petty tradeamen, small 
rk», niilEincrs, stay-makers, ahoe-bindera, slop 
rken, pour workers in a hundred highways and 
rayi. Many of us — on the whole, the majority 
Bot at all dean, end not at aU choice in our 
ConvcrBtion. But we had all come to- 
.ui a place where our cnnvcmencc was well 
Ucd, and where we were well Inoked Bltcr, to 
>y an evening's entenainmenr in common. We 
Twt gning to lose any part of what we had 
far through anybody's caprkc, and as a com- 
tltmity we had a character lo lose. So, we were 
ciofcly artentive, and kept excellent order ; and let 
1^ man or hoy who did otherwise instantly get out 
fr ' : lace, or we would put him out with the 

J.- . iJfdirion. 

V'C began at half-past six with a pantomime — 

■^'■■h a paniomimc 50 long, that before it was over 

js ii' 1 had been travelling for six weeks- — go- 

^ -.1 India, nay, by the Overland Mail. The 

bfint of Liberty was the principal personage in !hc 

EiKUDO, and the Four Quarters of the World 
OIK of tiui globe, glittering, and diicoursed 



43 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

Willi the Spiric, who sang charmingly. Wc i 
delighted to undersiand that ihere was no lib( 
anywhere but among onraelvcs, and we highly 
plaudcd the agreeable Tact. In an aitegorical v 
which did as well as any otlicr way, we and 
Spirit of Liberty got inta a kingdom of Nee 
and Pins, and Tound them a: war with a pote 
who called in to his aid their old arch enemv 
and who would have got the beHcr of them if 
Spirit of Liberty had not in the nick of time 
fomicd the leadgri into Clown, Pantalooo, H 
quin, Colmrbinc, Harlccjuina, and a whole fa 
of SpHies, cpnaisiing of a remarkably stout & 
and three spineless sons. We all knew what 
coming when the Spirit of Liberty addressed 
kmg with a big facj;, and Hie Majesty back 
the sidc-Bccnes and began untying himself behl 
with his big face all on one aide. Our cxcitemem 
at that crisis was grcatj and our delight unboundedi 
After thi5 era in our existence, we went through all 
the incidents of a pantomime ; it wai not by any 
means a savage pantomime, in the way of burning 
or boiling people, or throtving them out of win- 
dow, or cutting them up; was often very droll] 
was always liberally got up, and cleverly prcsentcdi 
I noticed that the people who kept the shops, ind 
who represented the passengers in the thoroughfarrsj 
and so forth, had no conventionality in them, bui 
were unusually lii;e the real thing^ — from which J 
infer that you may take that audience in {if you 
wish to) concerning Knights and Ladies, Fairies, 
Angels, or such like, but they are not to be done u 
to anything in the streets. I noticed, also, thai 
when two yourg men, dressed in exact imitation 
of the ec5 -and 'Sausage -era vp ted pcriion of the audli 
CDce, were chased by policemen, and, lirtding th 



] 



rCOMMERClAI, TRAVELLER 45 

ger of being caughi^ dropped so sud- 

ibligc the policemen w tumble over 

ras great rejoidiig among the ca.ps — -as 

ere 3 delicate reicrercc to something 

Cd of beware, 

Dmime ivaa succeeded by a Melo- 
foughom the evening I was pleased to 
e (juitc aa triunjphant as she usually is 
and indeed I thought rarher more so. 
d (for the time) that honesty was the 
id wc were us hard ss iron upon Vice^ 
dn*t bear of Villainy getting on in the 
lot on any conaidetarion whatever. 
kHc pieces, wc almost all of us went out 
fcd. Many of iis went the length of 
!er at the bar ofthe neighbouring pubBc- 
of na drank spirits, crowds of us had 
d ginger-bccr at the reircsbraenc-bars 
«& irt the Theatre. The sandivich^ 
aa waa consistent with portability, and 
iible — wc hailed as one of our great- 
It forced its w»y among ys at all 
he entcnainmcnc, and we ivere always 
sec it ; its adaptability to the varying 
nature was surprising ; wc could 
comfortably as when our tears fell 
ich ; we could never laugh so heartily 
choked with sandivich ; T.'^irtue never 
tiful or Vice so deformed a& when wc 
|wich in hand, to consider what would 
resolution of Wickedness in boots, lo 
ice in flowered chintz from Honest 
ped stockings. When the curtain 
;hT, wc sdll fell back upon sandwich, 
the rain and mire, and home to 



44 THE UHCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



This, XS 1 hnve incntionedi was Salurdaj' ni| 
Being Saturday nighc, I had accomplished bui i 
half of my uncomnierviai joumcy ; for, its obi 
waa to ccmpare the play on Saiurday tvemng 
the preaching in the same Theatre on Simday evt 
ing. 

ThcrcftiTF, at the sange hour of half^pa&t 
the siniilarly damp and muddy Suaday cvetun^ 
returned to eMb Theatre. I drove ap tg the 
trance (fcaftlil of btiiig law, or I ahoold have 
go foot), and found my3clf in a lafgc (Tpwd 
people who, I am happy to atatc, were put iniO' 
ccllcni spirits by my anivali. Having nothing' 
look at DBt the mud and the closed doors, th 
looked at me, and highly enjoyed the comic !p«- 
tacle. My mtnlesty inducing me to draw off", : 
hundredii of yarda, into a dark coraer, they at 
forgot me, and applied thcmiclvcs to their fa 
occupation of locbng at the mud and looking ii 
the closed doors ; which, being ofgralcd ironwc 
allowed the lighted passage within to be 
They were chiefly people of respectable appc 
ancc, odd aad iqipalsive as most cipwds arc, 
making a joke of bejiig there as most crowds do.J 

lii the dark OMTier I might have sat a long wj 
but that a very obliging passer-by informed me 
the ThcBtrc was already ifnll, and that the pc 
whom I law in the frtreei were all shut out 
want of room. After thai, I lost no cimc^ 
worming myself into the building, pud crcepii 
a place in a ProBceniam box that had be<D 
for me. 

There must have been full fogr thousand p« 
present. Carefully estimating the pit aloRC^ 
could bring i: out as boTding little leas than foun< 
hundred, Every part of the House was well fiHii 



id not found it easy to make my way along 
ijghdt of the boxes to where I sat. The chan- 
|£n i:he ceiling were lighted ; there was no 
^H> tbe &Ugc ; the orchestra was empty. The 
1 curtain was down, and, packed pretcv closely 
hair* on the scial] space ofswge before it, were 
- thirtv gentlemen^ aod two qr three ladles. In 
lentre of these, in a desk or pulpit covered wirh 
haiac, was the presiding minisLer. The kind 

ijIP he gccqpied wUl be very well under-. 
" I liken it to a boardcd-up fireplace turned 
the audience, with a gcntlemari in a black 
sunding in che etove ind leaning forvrard 
mimtelpiece. 
potrJon of Scripture v/ti being read when I 
c in. Jt was followed by a discourse, to which 
agregation listened with mott eKempEsr)- at- 
ditd UDiDtemipced silence And decoruiti. 
acundon comprehetided both the auditory 
speaker, and shall turn to both in this re- 
[ofthe scene, exactly as it did at the time, 
rery diificult thing," I thought, when the 
began, *' to speak appropriately to to 
T an audience, and to speak v/Uk tact, Widi- 
it, bencr not to speak at all. Infinitely better^ 
ead the New Teitament well, and to let ikat 
In ihia congregation there ii indubitably 
If but I doubt if any power short of 
touch it as one, and make it answer as 



tld not posgibly say to ipyself as the dis- 

ipocecded* rhat the minister was a gond 

{ could not poa»ibly say to myself that 

an undeceiHiding of the geacral mind 

icter of hi3 audience. There waa a sup- 

tVQrluji£-xnaB introduced into the homily. 



I 



46 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

Eo make gappoMtirious objections to our Chrifldiir 
religion tnd be reasoned down, who was not only 
a very disagreeable ptfrson^ bat retnarltably unlike 
life— very much more unlike it than anything 
I had seen in the pantomime. The native in 
dqjMiience of characwr this anisan wti sup- 
posed to posicsf, WBS represented by a suggctma 
of a dialect thai I certainly never heard Jn my 
uncommerdal travels, and with a coarse awing of 
voice and manner anything but agreeable to hil 
feeling! I should conceive, cDnaidercd in the light 
of a portrait, sad as far away frnm ihe fact w 
Chinese Tartar. There was a model pauper intro- 
duced in nice manner, who appeared to me to b* 
the mopt intolcmbly arrogart pauper ever relievtd, 
and to show himself in absolute wtnt and dire ne- 
cessity of a course of Stone Yard. For, how dlfl 
this pauper testify to Ms having received the gospel 
of humility f A gentleman mcr him in the wort- 
house, and (aid (which I myself really thought 
good-natured of him), " Ah, John ? I am sorry 
to see you here. J am sorrv to see you so poor.' 
•♦Poor, fdr ! *' replied that man, drawing himself 
up, " I am the son of a Prbcc ! My lather is the 
King of Kings. My father h the Lord of Lords. 
My father is the ruler of all the EMnces of the 
Earth ! " &c. And this was what all the preach 
cr's fellow -sinners might come to, if they wouH 
embrace this ble'ssed book — which I must sty \t 
did some violence to my own feelings of reverence, 
to see held out at arm'* length at frequent intervili 
atjd toundjngly s]appcd, like a slow lot at a Mle 
Now, could r help asking myiclf the queation^ 
whether the mechanic before roe, who must detect 
the preacher djt being wTong about the visible m. 
Qcr of himself and the Ukc of himself, and 




THE UNCOMMBRCIAI. TRAVELLER 47 



f 

^■k a aoisy Hp-ierver as that pauper, might cot, 
TSost unhappily for the usefulEess of the occasion^ 
doubt that preacher's being right about things not 
visible to hiiEnan ssnsss ? 

Again, Js II necessary or advisable to address 
mch an audience continually n& " fellow-sinnera " ? 
li it not eDOLLgh to be fellow-creatures, bom yes- 
terday, suifcring and slrivipg to-dsy, dying Eo-mor- 
tow ? By our conuiton humanity, ray brothers 
and lisiers, by our commoT) capacities for pain and 

Emt, by our common laughter and our common 
, by our comnmn a^piratiur! to reach aamething 
T than ovirselvcB, by our common tendency id 
believe in something goad, and to invest whatever 
we love or whatever we lose ujth some qualities 
that are superior 10 our ovfn failings and weak- 
nesses as we know them in our awn poor hearts — 
by thc&c, Hcai me !^-Surcly, it is enough to bt 
fcUow-creaturcs. Surely, it includes the other des- 
jgnatiou, and some touching meaiiings over and 
above. 

Again. There was a personage introduced into 
the discourse (not an absolute novelty, to the best 
]y remcmbrapce ol my reading), who had been 
mally known to the preacher, and bad been 
tc a Crichton in all the ways, of philosophy, but 
bad been an infidel. Many a lime had the preacher 
talked with him on that subject, and many a time 
had he failed to convince that intelligent man. Bet 

Sfcll ill, and died, and before he died he recorded 
fconveTHOn — in words which the preacher had 
Ml dawn, my fellow- sin tiers, and would read to 
im thii piece of paper. I must confess that 
a& ulie of an iininBtructed audience, they did 
>car particularly edifying. 1 thought their 
Ltremcly leltish, and 1 thought they h.vi % 



4S THE C7K COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

fpiriroa] vanity in tkem -wbicfa w of tfafc ix^ 
mentioDcd rciracEisry pdopea-'s familv, 

AH &lang& md twangs arc objectionable t?ft\ 
where, but die slang znd iwang of the coQ\'cnti 
. — ds bad in iii way as th« of ihc House of Co 
nums, and nothing worse can be ^d of v. — shoi 
be studiously avoided under such cimimstances 
I describe. The avoidance wbs not eomptetc 
tiiia Qccaiion. Not viis it quite agreeable to 
the preacher addres^g hJi pet " points " to 
backers on the stage, ax if appealing to thoK i 
ciple& tD shDW him up, and tesdly to th? nmldd 
thzt each of those points was a clincher. 

But, in respea of the large Chrisdanity of 
general tones ; of hia renunciaBoo of all pneS 
authority ; of lu£ earnest and reiteraTed assura 
to the people that the commonest among ih 
could Work out their own sfdvadon if they wou 
by simply, lovingly, and dutifully following C 
Saviour, and chat they needed the mediation of 
erring man ; in these particulars, this gentleman 
served all praise. Nothing could be betttr U 
the spirit, or the plain emphadc words of hn < 
course in these respects. And k was a most i 
niiicant and encouraging circnmstance that whi 
ever he struck that chord, or whenever he i 
icribed anything which Christ himself had doi 
the array of faces before him waa very much mi 
earnest, and very much more expressive of en 
tion, than at any other time. 

And now, I am brought to the fact, that ' 
lowest part of the audience of the previous nig 
woi net thert. There ii no doubt about il. Thi 
ivaa no juch thing in that building, that Sunc 
evening. 1 have been told since, that the low 
of chc audience of the Vkvotw. TVnwin. 



but 



THE tmCOMMERCIAI, TRAVELLER 



49 




■ctracted to Its Sunday icmccs. I hive been 
ftad to hear it, bur on this occhejou of whlcli 
tc, llie lowcit part of the usual iudicccc of the 
iatH* 'nicatre, decidedly and unquestionably 
aurav. When I first toolc my scat and 
4idfccJ at the haixsc, my surprise at the change in 
It occupaut? was as great as my duappoioUucot. 
To the moic respectalile class of the previous •even- 
trat added a ^reat number of respectable 
pgcni attracted by curiosity, and drafts Horn 
egalni congregauooa of varioua chapels. It 

£alp<vuible to foil in identtfving the character 
last, and they were vzry numeroLis, Ij 
oat in 3 itrong, slow tide of them setdnj 
the box^s. Inde'ed, while the discourse wt 
ETrsj, the respectable character of the auditor 
^it in thdf appearance, that when th^ 
7?iscd a sapposititloits "otttcaa," 
felt a Utile impatient of it, as a Hgur^ of] 
boi jtutified by zn^thing the eye could dia-l 

lie dire appointed for the conclusion of the pT<h-i 

b£> waa aghi o*docL The address havinjj 

'■^ fiill chat drae, and ll being the cusiotd' 

!c wkh a hymn» the preacher intimated 

ittiyblc words that the dock had smict' 

>ui, and that those who desired to go before' 

lymn wa mug, could go now, without g?vintfj 

Mo one stirred. The hymn was thei^T 

in piod rime and tune and utUsoti, and itd' 

\v,)i vcTv iTriking. A comprehensive benevcm 

-.missed the ihrongj and jn seven of) 

there was nothing Ic^ in the Theatr^' 

I ight cloud of dii5t. 

II theter Sunda/ meetings in Theatre* aifc' 
[ihiogr, I do not doubi. Not do I doubt tiiat 



50 THE UNCOMMERaAL TRA 




thcjr will work lower and lower dowDj 
$cile> if thou- who preudc over zhtni 
careful an two holds ; £rstl)'i ooi to dUi 
places m which they spcafc, or tbe intcl 
[hdr h»r0i ; Mcondly, sot ta set thei 
anugooisni to ihe natLral inboni deiire o; 
ol maDkind to recreate thcmselvca m 
amused. fl 

There Is a third head, taking precHl 
others, to which my remarks on the d 
heard, have tended. In the New Tcstai 
is the most beautiful aitd atfcctuig hli 
ceivable by man, and there are the terse : 
all prayer and for all preaching. As to tt 
uniiace them, Stinday preachers — el&e wh 
there, conudcr? As to the history, telt 
people canno: read, some people will 
matiy people (this especially holds ai 
young and ignorant) ^nd it hard to | 
vene-ibrm m which ihe book is preseDtet 
acid imagine that thoSe breaks imply gaps 
ot continuity. Help ihem over that Arse i 
block, by aetdng forth the history in nam 
no ftar of exhauating it. You will never 
well, you will oevcr move ihem so profoi 
will never aend ihcm away with half ao 
think of. Which ia the better interest 
choice of twelve poor mcp to help in thm 
wonders among the poor and rejected j oi 
bullying of a whole Union-full of pauper 
is your changed philosopher to wretched 
ing in at the door out of the mud of the i 
pf my life, when you have the widow's i 
me flbom, die ruler's daughter, the othc 
the door wheti rhc bruther uf the two i 
dead, and one of the two ran to the mou 



TH£ UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 51 



Chapter V 



in^ " The Mister is come and calleih for thee" ? 
—-Let rhe preacher who will ihoroughl)' forget him- 
self and rsmcrabci no bJividuality but one, and no 
doqucDce but one, sijad up bei'ore four thouaaud 
men and women at the Eriiaania Theatre any Sun- 
day nighi, recounting that narrative li> them aa 
fcilaw -creatures . anJ he shall see a sigh: ! 

^^F POOR MERCANTILE JACK. 

^Wthe sweet little cherub who sice smiting aloft 
1 ind keeps watch on cbe life of poor Jack, com- 
miiiioncd to take charge of Mercantile Jack, aa weUf i 
u^Jack of the national navy.' If not, who is J' 
It it the cherub about, and what are we aU[l 
I, when poor Mercantile Jack is having his 
slowly knocked out by peimyweighis, abosrq i 
brig Beelzebub, or liie barque Bowic-kiii& — y ; 
he looks his last at ihat infernal i;raft, witJi 
t officer's iron boot-heel in his remaining cye^\ 
ith his dying body tewed overboard in ihc^i 
I wake, white the cruel wuunda in it do " ihqj 
tttoluiudinous seas incarnadine " ? A 

U unreasonable to entertain a belief that 
d the brig Beelzebub or the barque Bowie-i 
', the first otTicer did half the damage to cottQa.i 
he doea to men, there would presently gjis^] 
both sides of the Atlantic so vociferous an ia^I 
Ion of the sweet llulc cherub who sits calcu- 
ig aloft, keeping watch on the markets that pay,j] 

ttDch vigilant cherub would, with s wingcdJ 
i, have that gultant officer^s organ of detJ 
ITcness oyt of hit head in the space of a flash-' 
z 



r 52 THi 

I irit 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



If it be unrcasanable, then am t the toosr 1 
reasonable of men, for I believe it iviili all my io 

This was my thought && I walked the dock'-quu 
at Liverpool, beeping watch on poor Mcrcani 
lack. Alas for me ! I have long outgrown i 
state of sweet little cherub ; hut there I was, k 
there Mcrcajialc Jack was, and very busy he wl 
and very cold he was : the snow yet lying in I 
frozen fiirruwa of the landj and the nor^Il-Cjl 
winds snipping oiF the lops of the little waves in I 
Mcraey, and rolling thcra inio hailatoncs to pelt h 
with. Mercantile Jack was hard at it, in the h4 
weather : as be mostly 14 in all weathers, pa 
Jack. He was girded to ships' masts and fijiin 
of steamers, like a forester to a great ask, scrap! 
and painting ; he wa& lying out on yards, fiirU 
sails that tried ro beat him off; he w'as dimly d 
ceraiblc up in a world of ^ant cobwebs, reeling 1 
splicing ; he was l^intly audible down in holj 
stowing and unshipping cargo ; he was nindj 
round and round at capstans melodioiiSj monotoMH 
and drunk ; he Was of a diabolical aapcct, w 
coaling for the Antipodes ; he was washing dec; 
barefoot, widi the breast of his red shin open to t 
blast, though it wss sharper than the kmfe in \ 
kalhern girdle; he wss looking over bulwarks, u 
eyes and hair ; he was standing by at the shoot fa 
the Cunard steamer, olf to-morrow, as the 9to<; 
in trade of several butchers, poulterers, and Ei 
tnonger&j poured down into the ice-housc - he 
coming aboard of other vessels, with his tit in 
tarpaulin bag,, attended by plunderere to the vi 
last moment o( Ms shore-going existence. 
though his jcnscj when released from the uproar 
the dcmci::!, wcie under obUgatioa 10 be cod&i 
by oihcT hirmoil* there w&s a rattling of whcelij 



mm 



d( hoofs, a clashirg of iron, a jolting of 
hides and casl-is aJid Mmbcr, an irccssant 
diaturbancc on the quaya, that was the 
icss of sound. And S3, in the midst of 
d 6waying about, with his hair blown all 
"wild way!, rather crazediy taking leave of 
rers, all the rigging in the docks was 
e wind, and every little steamer comiEg 
across ctie Mersey was sharp in its blow- 
d every buoy in the river bobbed spite- 
d down, as if there were a general taiint- 
of ** Come along. Mercantile Jack 1 [II- 
-fed, Ill-used, hociiased, entrapped, anrici- 
cd out. Come along. Poor Mercantile 
be IcmpcSt- tossed till you urc drowned ! " 
rommicrdal transaction which had brought 
ncic togethtr, was this : — 1 had entered 
"Col poljcc^forrc, that I might havc R look 
cms iinlawiijl traps which are every night 
:k. As my term of service in that dis- 
corps was short, and as my personul biss 
acity of one of its members has ceased. 
In will attach to my evidence that it is an 
force. Besides tliat it is composed, with"- 
', of the beat men that can be picked, tt 
by an unusual intelligence. Its organi- 
imt Fires, I t&ke to be much better than 
politan system, and in all respects it tcm- 
inarkable vigilance with n still more re- 
iltcrction. 

d knoclted off work in the docks some 
] had taken, for purposes of identifica- 
otograph-lilccuca! of a thief, in the por- 
at our head police office (on the whole, 
rather romplitneBted by the proceeding), 
! been on police par&de. end the small 



54 ^HE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL! 



hand of the clock wu maving on » ten, 

took up my lantcm to foUow Mr. Superi 
to ihe rraps that were set for Jack, In Ml 
intendeiit I stVJ, a.s anybody might, a ti 
looking well set-up man of a soldierly bead 
a cavalry air, a good chest, and a re8oliit< 
by any means ungentle face. He cariiei 
hand a plain black walkjng-sdck of bard 
and whenever aiid wherever, at any ai'ccr- 
the flight, he struck it on the pavement wii 
ing sound, it instantly produced a wbistl( 
the darkness, and a policeman. To this 
able stick, I refer an air of mystery an 
which pervaded the whole of my pa 
ajnong the traps ihat were set for jack. 

We began by iving into the obacura 
and lanes of the port. Suddenly pausing j 
of cheerful discourse, before a dead waj 
ently same ten nules long, Mr, Super! 
struck upon the ground, and the wall opi 
shot out, with niilit^y sa.lute of band to 
tvvtf policemen — not in the least surprise 
selk'CG, aoi in the lease surprising Mr. Sup 
cn[. 

"All right, Sharpcye?" 

"All rights sir." 

""AH right, Trampfoot?" 

" All right, sir.'* 

"Is Quickear there T' 

*' Here am I, sir." 

*' Come with U3.'' 

"Yes, sir." 

So, Sharpeye went before, and Mr. Sop 
etit and I went nexi^ and Trampfoot and ' 
marched as rear-guard, Sharpeve, I SOOD 
cation to remark, had a skiliul aod quite pn 




M 



iog doora — touched latches dclicatdy, 
fceys of tiius.ica.1 inatfumcnfs — - 
«ry door he touched, as if he ucrc per- 
fidest djiE there was stolen property bc- 
iftstmrly iosiniiated tiunself, to prevent its 

fc opened several doors of traps that were 
but fact did not happen to he in any 
""hey were all such miserable places 
J»ck, if I were you, I woLild give them 
tb. In every trap, Somtbody was ait- 
'firf, waiting foT Jacfc, New, it was a 
bid woman, like the picture of the Nor- 
in the old sixpenny dream-books ; 
m 3 crimp of the male sex, in a checked 
rithout a coat, reading a newspaper ; 
a man crimp and a womati crimp, who 
luced themselves as united in holy ma- 
tWt it ivaa jack's delight, his (un) 
but they were all waiting for Jack^ 
frightfully disappointed to sec U3. 
ivc you got up-stairs here ? " says 
rneraliy. (In the Move-on tone.) 
ody, furr ; sure not a blessed aowl t " 
linlne repV-) 

t do you mean by nobody? Didn't T 
Oman's step go up-atalra when mv hand 
le Iitch I '• 

kitrr thin you're right, surr, T forgot her ! 
|r Betsy White, atirr. Ah! you know 
tr. Come down, Betsy dartin', and say 

r, Betsy looks over the banristerB (the 

IM is in the room) with a forcible ex- 

her prntcsting face, of an intention to 

^-herself for the prewnt trial by grinding 



THE. UN.CQMMJe^RCJAL TRAVEL^ 



Jack finer than u&uaj when he. does come, 
ally, Sharpeye, mma to Mr. Supcriniend; 
says, aj if the subjects of his remarks we 
wof k : 

" One of the warat, sir, this house ift 
woman has been indicted three times. Thj 
a regular bad one likewise. His real n^iQC. 
Gives himself out ajj Watcrhousc." 

*' Never had mch a name aa Fegg near i 
thin, since I was in this houflC, bee the good. 
Bays the woman. . 

Generally, the man says nothing at aU^. 
comes exceedingly re und -shouldered, and 
to read his pspcr with rapt attention. G 
Sharpeye directs ocr observation with a , 
rhe ptincs and pictures that are invanabl) 
ous on the walls. Always, Trampfoot ant 
ear are taking tiodce on the doorstep, h 
of Sharpeye being acquainted with the ej 
dividuahly of any gentleman encountered^! 
these two is sure to prcclaim from the od 
lilce a gruff spectre, that Jackson is not Jackj| 
knows himself to be Fogle ; or that Caj 
Walker's brother, against whom there was D^ 
dent evidence ; or that the man who says 
was at sea since he was a boy, came asho. 
voyage last Thursday, or sails to-niorrow 
" And that is a bad class of manj yoLi si 
Mr. Superintendent, when he got out 
dark again, " and very diffictill to deal wi 
when he has made this place too hot to 
enters himscli' for a voyage as steward or 
is out of knowledge for mondu, and then 
again worse tlim ever," 

When we had gone into many such he 
had cQiije out (.always leaving everybody 



SnuCf ajid Tcscxvcd for mates and 

id company. About the room, aomo 
jffee-coloursd pictarca vamiahed an inch 
!id some stujfcd creatures in cases ; dotied 
the audience, in Snug and out of Snug, the 
Monals ; " among them, the celebrated 
&vouritc Mr. Banjo Bones, looking very 
vdth bis blackened face and Ump sugar-loaf 
eaide him, sipping mm-and-ivaier, Mrs. 
lODca, in her natural colours — -a little height- 

Fiiday night, and Friday Jiight wa5 con- 

a good night for Jack. At any rate, 

ioi show in very great Ibrce even here, 

houae was one to which he much rc- 

irjierc a goqd deal of money is taken. 

18 a. British Jack, a tittle maudlin and 

ling aver his empty glass, as if he were 

id hja fortune at the bottom ; there wsi 

of the Stara and Stripea, rather an un- 

Btomer, with his long nuse, lanic check. 



haccs had been go; together, they wo 

=cre iaa hali-£lied the room. Obser 

ssid Brir. licensed \'ictualler, the host 

'. Fxidar n%ht, snd, besides, it vrts ge 

cw d 'fe, tnd jaA had gone aboard. 
I wacchiol man, Mr. Licensed Victnalli 

f WIC& t^t Eps and a complete cdidon 

itidauecL in each eye. Attended tc 
Mnaeif, he sud. Always on the spot 
aeari of talent, tnisted nobody's accoi 
wee- off by ml to see it. If tnic tal 
ic. Pcuods a week for talent — ^fbur 
rcmtd. Bai^ Bones was cndoubted t 
rtis nuuLiue&t tha: was going to play- 
r^xsn*. In src* r: was twt good{ 
raoo-wccr&n. pV*^ ^ " J'^ung g 
J*» ^T^'n ' i i rt w cf ace, ^gnre, and drea 
:ie mmS ts x c In* coaner. She sang t 
aent w B"^ ^ ^*» ' ^°S '^'^^ villag< 
«eir Arr cfctmed ; then a song about 
tr sea; wttJSdj: np n-jth an imitatior 
zipeh ***'* Mercartiie Jack seemed tc 
mck *« **«• A good girl, said W, 
" T. Kept herself select. Sat i 
. » the blandishments of Mates. 
fc Father dead. Once a mercl 
*!i^ over-speculated himself. C 

V **> salary paid for item of i 

■Won, Mr. Victualler's poun. 

™y *° »WlUng8_still it was a ve 

«»8 for a young person like that, 

7 Went on eii times a night, tr 



to be ihcTc irom six at night to twelve. 

W«i more concfuglve waa, Mr, V'ictualler'B 

ace that In; " never allowed any language, ani 

mffcrcd my disEuibance." Sharpeye cDn- 

the sCj!tCrriC!ll, and ihe order that prevailed, 

the best proot of it iliac could have been cited* 

came to the concluaiun thsi poor Mercantile J 
imight do (85. J am afraid he does) much worstf 
trust hjmtelf lo Mr. Victualler, and pa&s hi| 
here. 

had not y« looked, Mr, Superintendent 
fraaiplbot, receiving us iu the Btrect agaio 
miliiafy salute — for Dark Jack. TniejJ 
tpfoot. Ring the wonderful siiclc, rub th6 
lamcrn, and cause the spirits of ihc stick 
Item lo convey ua to th« Darkiea. 
re was no disappointment in the nutter of 
Jack ; /le was produciblcr The Genii set m 
in the little iirst floor of a little public-house, , 
ItberCt in a stillingly close atmosphere, wcrfl! 
JjKk, and Dark jack's delight, his te/iiSe na*,' 
Iv Nan, sitting against the wall all round ihq 
More than that : Dark Jack's delight vrat 
It unlovely Nan, both morally and phyaic- 
Uuit I «aw that night. 

t fiddle and tambourine band were sitting 

jg the company, f^uickear suggested why not 

itake up I " Ah, la'aids ! " said a negro sitting by 

ROOT, "gib the jcbblcm a damsc* Tak' yah 
:n. jehbJem, for "um QUrtO-rill." 
is was the landlord, in a Greek cap, and a 
half Greek and half English, As nisster of 
lcitnfDOllie&, he called all the figures, and occji- 
}y addresKd himself parentJicticaJly — after this 
icT. W'hen he wm very loud* I use capitals. 
ikttl Hovl Ot*g. RighL md kH, 




6o THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



(Put a steam on, gib 'am powder.) Li»-dies* 
Bal-Iooii say. Lemonade ! Two. At>-wi 
and go back (gib 'ell a breakdDWDr shake it out 
yeratlbsj keep a movil). SwmC'Corners, Bal-Ic 
say, and Lemonade ! (Hoy !) Three. Gi 
conic fpr'ard with a lady and go back, hopf 
come for'^ard atid do what yer can. (Aeiolioj 
Bai-Ioqh say, and lectle lemonade (Dat hair nij 
by 'inn fircplite 'bind a' time, shake it out o' 
selbs, gib 'ell a breakdown.) Now den i 
Four ! Lemonade. BAL-loon say, and swi 
Four Indies meets in *uin middle, fot/h gents 
round 'um ladies, four geni3 passes out under 
ladies'' arms, swijjg — and Lemonade dil *a id( 
can't play no more 3 (Hoy, Hoy !) " 

The Diaie dancerB were all blacks, and one 
an unusually powerful man of si* feet three oriflj 
The sound of their Sat feet on the floor was is 
like the sound of wiUte feet as their faces were 
tike white (aces. They toed and heeled, alu 
double-shuffled, double- do uble-shufRed, coveted' 
buckle, 3tiCt beat the time out, rarely, dancing 
a great show of teeth^ 3nd with a chiMish 
humoured enjoyment that was very prepoaa« 
They gcncraily kept together, these poor feTl'f 
MJd Mr. Superinirendcrt,. because they were 
disadv^Dca^ ^ngly* and liable to slights b 
neighbouring streets. But, if I were Light Jm 
ihouM be very slow to interfere oppressively 
Dark Jack, }or, whenever I have had to do 
him I have found him a simple and a gcntlq kWi 
Bearing this in mind„ [ asked his friendly permtsi 
Co leave him restoraEion of beer, in ■n-ishing 
good night, aijd thus it fell oat that the last woi 
heard him say as I blundered do;vn the worn st 
W«Te, " Jcbbiem's elth ! Ladies drinks fiut ! ' 



nigliT T71I now well on inro the morning, 
ioT miles and hours we explored a strange 
if where nobody ever goes to bed, but every- 
U etcmailly sitting up, waiting for Jack. This 
itioQ wss among a labyrinth of dismal courti 
[blnid alleys, called Entries, kept in wonderful 
by the police, and m much better order than 
corporadcn : the wrdc of gaijjight in the 
ilmgerous and infamous of these places being 
nnworthy of so spiriied ^ town. I tieed de- 
but two or three of the houses in which Jack 
ted for as specimeni of the rest. Msny 
iiamcd by UDiionie passages so profoundly dark 
feh our way with our hands. Not one of 
rbole number we visited, was ivithout it& ihovr 
Its sad ornamental crockery ; the quantity of 
Iter set forth on little shelves and in little 
in otherwise wretched rootns, indicating that 
itile Jack must have an extraordinary fond- 
► for crockery, to necesaitmc so much of that 

hU traps. 

long such gamiruTC, in one front parlour in 
of the night, four women were sitting by 
One of [hem had a male child in her arrna, 
•tool among them was a swarthy youth \vith 
r» who had evidently stopped playing when 
itcp> were heard. 
'cU t how do ysff do?" Idys Mr, Supclln- 
\i, looking about him. 

ijr well, sir, and hope you gentlemen arc 
to treat U8 kdles, now you have come to see 

lOrdcr there [ " says Sharpevc. 
>iunc of that !" sayn Quictcear. 

»f(KH, ouriide, is heard to confide to him- 
teggiison'i lot this is. And a bad 'an I 





suppose 

" A ydiing foreign sailor? " 

"Yes. He's a Spaniard. 
Bc't you, Antonio i" 

" Me Spanish." 

" And he don't know a word you Jity, ] 
not if yoa was to talk to him till dooo 
(Triumph'ancly, as if it redounded to the ci 
ihc house,) 

'" Will he play something ? " i 

" Oh, yes, if ynu like. Play Eoinethin 
tonio. foa ain't ashsmed Co play somcthin 
you ?" 

The cracked guitar raises the feeblest ghti 
time, and three of the women keep time to 
their heads, and the lourth with the child, , 
Tonio has brought any money in with hinj 
airaid he will never iskc it out, and it even 
me that his jacket and guitar may be in a bai 
But, the look of the young man and the tinJt 
the instrumen: so change the place in a moi 
a leaf out of Don Quixote, that I wandei 
his mule :& stabled, midl he le&vea off. i 

I am bound to acknowledge (as it lends n 
my uncommercial confusion), that I occajoj 
dlBiCbiliy in this establish men t, by having ta 
child In my arms. For, on my oFering to rese 
a ferocious joker not un^dmulated by run 
ckitfled to be Its mother, that unnaturaJ 
her handt behind her, and declined to ai 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELl-ER 63 

backlDg into the fireplace, and very shrilljf declaring, 

itgardlesi of reniDrstrance froiri her friends, that 

ihi: InDwed k to be Law, thai whoever toot a. 

rom ki mother of his own will, waa bound 

ID ii. The uncommercial sense of bcipg in 

Scr ridiculous position with the poor liitle child 

ling tD be ^ghtened, was relieved by my 

ly Irieud and fellow -conslabte, Tranipfoot ; 

laving hands on the article as if it vver« a 

:, passed it i>n to the nearest woman, and ha.dc 

••lake hold of that." As vvc came out the 

w« paiscd to the ferocious joker, and they 

down as before, mcluding Antonio and the 

It waa clear that there was no such thing 

tiightcap to this baby^o head, atid that even he 

went to bed, but was always kept up — and 

grow up, kept up — waiting for Jack. 

stiU in the night, we came (by die court 

there the man waa mLirdered," and by the other 

tCTOSt the street, into which hia body was 

I) to another parlour in another Entry, where 

people were sitdng round a fire in juat the 

way. It was a dirty and offensive place, with 

ragged clothes drying in it ; but there was a. 

alielf tivcr the en trance- door (to be out of the 

• rjiiding handsr possibly) with two targe 

. on it, and 3 great piece of Cheshire 

'Well ! " says Mr, Superintendent, with a com- 

laire look all round. "How do v^s do?" 
'N« n»Dch to boast of, sir." From the curt- 
vroinan of the house, " This is tny good 

'Ybtt an not roistered ai a common Lodging 

r* 

No,*." 



64 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

Sharpeye (in che Move-on tone) puts in 
pertinent inquiry, " Then why ain't you ? " 

" Aiti'i got no one hcie, Mr. Shjiirpeye," rg 
the woman and my good man togedticr, ** but 
own iamily." 

" How many are you in ftunily ? " 

The woman takes time to count, under pretc 
of coughing, and adds, as one scant of b; 
" Sevtn, sir." 

But she has Tni^sed one, so Sharpeye, who ]au 
all about it, gays : 

" Here's a young man here makes eight, 
ain't of your family? " 

" No, Mr. Sharpeye, he's a weekly lodger. 

•' What does he do for a living ? " 

The young man here. Cake} the reply upon H 
self, and shortly answers, " Ain't got nothinj 
do." 

The young man here, is modestly brooding 
hitid a damp apron peudect fi-om a dothcs-l 
As I glance at him I become— bni I don't kq 
why — vaguely reminded of Woolwich, Chach 
Portsmouth, and Dover. When wc get out, 
respected fetlow-cons table Sharpeye addressing I 
Superintendent, says ; 

" You noticed that young man, sir, in 
Darbv's?" 

" Yes. What is he ? " 

"Deserter, wr." 

Mr. Shatpeye further intimstcs that when 
have done with his icrvices, he will step back nod fl 
that young man. Which :n course of time 
docs : feeling at perfect case about finding him, i 
knowing for a moral renaiaty that pobody ia 
region %vill be gone to bed. 

Later still in the night, we came to another 



m 



rMER<:lAL TEAVELJ^ES 



up a step or two from the street, which was 

cleanly, cwdy, even tastefully, kept, and in 

zh, sti forth on a draped cheat of drawers mask- 

|ihe staircase, was such a profusion of ornamental 

ckcry, that it wouH have tornishcd forth a hand- 

ilc'baoih at i fair. It backed up a stout gld 

r — Hogarth drew her ciiacc likeness more liian 

id a boy who was carefully wriling a copy 

copy-book. 

Well, ma'am, how dojw do?" 
veedy, she can assure the dear gen'Clenieo> 
Jy. Charmingly^ charmingly. And over- 

td to KC U5 ! 

Why, this is a strange time for this boy to be 
ig his copy. In the middle of the night ! " 
' S» it is, dear gentlemen, Heaven bless your 
zome ^ccs and send ye prospcTous, bitt he has 
lo the Play with a young fiiend for his divcr- 
ond he combinates Ms improvement with cttr 
itnenc, by doing his sdiool*wricing afterwards, 
be good to ye ! " 

ic copy admonjahed human nature to subjugate 
fire of every fierce dfistrc. One might have 
Ight. it recommended scirring the Brc, the old 
to approved it. There she sat, rosily beaming 
ic copy-book and the boy, and invoking showers 
>ietiiTig& nn our heads, when we left her in the 
tdle of the night, waiting for Jack. 
Iter still it] the night, we came to a nauseous 
with an earth floor, into which the refuse scum 
alley trickled. The stench of this habitation 
~nt abominable; the seeming poverty of it, dii^ 
, tiiod and dirt. Yet, here again, was visitor or 
l)ld^ — t nflit sitting before the iire, lil;e the rest 
if them elicwhcre.and apparently not distasteful lo 
Okc miaO'CM^a uicce^ who w^a also before the &te. 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVKLLER 



"he ml&tres» herself had the rniafortune of befa 

Three weird old womea of transcendent ghi 
ss, were at needleworfc at a table in this n 
ya Trampfoot to First Witch, "What arej 
aking ? " Says she, " Moncy-bage." j 

iW7ia^ are you making?" rctortB Tramp; 

Ijctle off his balance. 

" Bags to hold your money/' aay» the 

shaking her head, and afitting her teeth; "fi 
,liii gor it.*' 

She holds up a conunon cash-hag, and o: 
ble ia a heap of such bags. Witch Two Ii 

us. Witch Three «cow1b at ug. Wjlch n 
lod all, stitch, stitch. First Witch has a red a 
und each eye. 1 fancy it like the beginninl 
e development of a perverted diabolical halOil 
at when it spreads all round her head, she ivil| 
the odour of devilry. j 

Trampfoot wishes to be ipfomicd what \ 
itch has got behind the table, down by thcj 
her, there ? Witches Two and Three c 
grily, " Show him the child ! " 1 

She drag$ out a fildniiy little arm from a b| 

duiiheap on the ground. Adjured not to di^ 

the child, she lets it drop agalti. Thus we lii 

last that there is one child in the world of En 

who gnes Id bed^if this be bed. 

Mr. Superintendent asks how long are they g 

10 work at those bags ? ' 

How long ? First Wjtcb repeats. Goinj 

have supper prcseiuly. Sec the cups and taui 

*nd the pfates. 

" Late ? Ay I But v\t has to 'am our m' 

afore we eati it ! " Both the other witches rt) 

tkit aJter First Wiich, and take the Uncoinme 



LVELLBl 

rcrnent with their eyes, as for a chinned. 

-ahMl, Some grim discourse crsucs^ rc-» 

Id the mi&tress of the cave, who will be re- 

friim jail to-morrow. Witches pronounce 

upfooE "right there," when he deems it a try- 

|di»tancc for the old lady ro walk j she shall be 

by niece in a spring-carr. 

I took a parting look at Firat Witch in turn- 

l«r»y, the red marks roui^d her eyes seemed to 

already grown larger, and she hungrily and 

3y looked out beyond roc into the dark door- 

to see If Jack were there. For, Jack cama 

iioc, and the mistress had got into jail througbi 

iing Jack. 

i at last ended this night of travel imd ' 
bed, I tailed to keep my mind on comfort- 
thoughts of Seaman's Homes (not overdone 
itnctncBs), and imprLivcd dock reguladons 
Jack greater benefit oi lire and candle aboard 
through my mind's wandering among ihe 
I had seen- Afterwards the same vermin 
over my sleep, EvermorCt when on & 
day I ace Poor Mercantile Jack rutimng into<i 
I with a lair wind under all »ail, I shall thinks 
^e unsleeping ho&t oi devourers who never go i 
bd, and are always in their set traps waidng for i 



Chapter VI 

RfiPltESHMEnTS FOR T(tAVELL£U 

laic high winds J was blown to a great 
placci — and Indeed, wind or no wind, 

r have extensive traniactiona on hand 
ol' Air — but I ba^e not been bJown 



68 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEl 

any EngUsh place Jately, and J very seldom 
blown to any English place in my life, wh 
could gci anychiDg good to eat aad drink i 
minuses, or where, if I sought it, I was rcci 
with a welcome. 

Thii is a curious thing to consider. But bi 
(sdmulaced by my own experiences and the n 
ss^itations of many fellow-travellers of every 
commercial and commcrcia! degree) I candd 
fiirther, I must uEter a passing word of wa 
concerning high winds. 

1 Wonder why metropolitan gales always 
so hard at WsJworth. I cannot imagine 
Walworth has done, to bring such windy ptf 
me&t upon itself, as I never lail to find record 
[he newspapers when the wind has blown i^ 
hard. Brixton seema to have something on 
ccnscience ; Peckham fiuffers more than a virtu 
Pflclcliam might he supposed to deserve ; the ta 
ing neighbourhood of Deptford figures largcl 
the accounts of the ingenious geDilemeti wh( 
out in every mnd that blows, and to wlio 
an ill high ivind that blows no good ; but, thcP 
hardly be any Walworth left by this tiijii 
muat Burcly be blown away. J have read of 
chimney-stacks and hcimsc-copings coming 
wiih terriflic smashes at Walworth, and of 
sacred ediiice& being nearly (not quite) blow: 
to tea. from the same accursed localit)', than I 
read of pracdscd thieves with the appearani 
manners, of gentlcmcn^ — a popular phenol 
which never existed on earth out of fiction 
police report. Again : I wonder why pcof 
always blown into the Surrey CansI, and i: 
other piece of water ! Why do people get 
and go out in groupsi, to be blown into ti 



>o they Sfy to one another, " Welcome 
It we get ifito the newspjpers? *' Even 
be an inauHickat explan^tian, because 
they trighi Bomctimcs put tbcrosclves in 
bemg blown into the Regent's fanal^ 
always &addling Surrey tor the field. 
kdc35 poUccntan, too, is consUntly, on tHc 
jrovocation, getdng himself blown into 
Surrey Canal. Will Sjr Richard 
to it, and rcstrsin that weak-minded 
!bIe-bodied constable? 

hMume tbe conflderation of the curious qucs- 
H^reshment. 1 am a Britonj and, as such, 
IKie that I never will be a slave — and yet I 
jgtcni suspicion that there must be Bomc 
" wrong custom in this maLier. 

by railroad, I start from home at seven 
^ifl the morning, after breakiaating hur- 
IWhat witli skimming over the open 
what with miaing in the damp bcweb 
th» what with banging booming and 
I the scores of miles away, I am hungry 
tivc at the " Rdreshment " station where 
tcdi PIcaae to obgcrvc, expected. 1 
I, I am hungry ; perhaps 1 might say, with 
r point and force, that I am Co some extent 
uedi> and that I need — in the expressive 
b feua? of the word — to be restored, What 
cd for my restoration ? The apartment 
restore hk is a wind-trap, cunningly 
reigle all the draught; in that country-side, 
>mmauicatc a special intensity and velocity 
i«s ihcy rotate in two hurricanes : one, 
wretched head : one, about my wretched 
ic training of the young ladies behind the 
rho arc to restore me, has been from tbeir 



TO THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

in:&iicy directed to the usumption of s del 
dramatic ahow tbat 1 am mt expected. It if 
vain for me :o represent to them by my hurt 
&nd concilistory manners, that I wiah to be llbd 
Jt is in vain for fne to represent to myself, for 
cneouragemcnt of my sinking saulj, that the yo 
ladies have a pecuniary interest in my arti 
Neither my reascn nor my feelinga can make l! 
against the cold glazed glare of eye with whi( 
am assured that I am not expected, and not waul 
The soil:ary man among the IxittlcB would sol 
timea take pity on me, if he dared, bat he is pov! 
less zgaintt the rights and mights of Woman. ( 
the page I make no accaant, for> he is a boy, 
therefore the natural enemy of Creation.) Chil 
last, in the deadly tDrnadoes to which my uf 
and lawer exn-emines are exposed, and siibd 
by the moral disadvantage at which I atand, I \ 
my disconsolate eyes on the rctrcshmenta that 
to restore me. I iind diat I must either acald 
throat by iiijaiiely ladling into it, against time^ 
for no wager, brown hot watpr stifFened with floi 
or I must make myself flaky and sick with Banbi 
cake ; or, I must stuff into my delicate organi&atj 
a currant pincushion which I know will swell i 
immeasurable dimensions when it has got the 
or, I muBt extort from an iron-bound quarry, w 
■ fork, as if I were farming an inhospitable a 
lome glutinous lumps of gristle and grease, c. 
pork-pie. While thus forlornly ocaipied, I 
that the depressing banquet on the table is^ in ev 
phaje of its profoundly unaatiafiicEOTy characterii 
hke the banquet at the meanest and shabbiest' 
evening pardes, that I begin to think I must 
*' brought down " to supperj the old lady unkno 
blue with cold, who ii setring her teeth on 



ilb 



kVELLER 

orange at my elboiv — that the pasuy- 
iS compoiiHtled for the compajiy on the 
per head, is a fraudulent bankrupt, rc- 
canxraci wich the stale stock fi-om his 
lat, for sOtne unexplained reason, ihe 
ijving the party have become my mortal 
i have given it od purpose to affront mc. 
ocy that I am " breakuig up " again, at the 
conversazione at achoojj charged two-and- 
tiin the half-year's bill ; or bree-ldng down 
Hbai: celebrated evening parly given at 
Ipes't boardlDg-houas when I was a boardcr 
Q which occasion Mrs. Bogles was taken in 
in by a branch of the legal profession who 
iO the harp, and was removed (with the 
ibtcribcd capital) to a place of durance, 
ir prior ca the commeQcement of the 



Jiher caK. 

EingUnda, of the Midland Counties, came 
[by railroad one morning last week, ac- 
hy the amiable and fascinating Mrs. 
IflDdi. Mr. G. 13 a gentleman of a corn- 
property, and had a little buaiuess to trans- 
he Bank of England, which required the 
EDCC aad signature of Mrs. G. Their buai- 
aed ofj, Mr. and Mrs. Grazinglands 
Royal Exchange, snd the exterior of 
i^athedral. The spirits of Mrs. Graz- 
^£D gradually beginning to Hag, Mr. 
(who is the tendcreat of husbands) re- 
sympathy, " Arabel]a, my dear, J fear 
It," Mrs. Grazinglanda replied, "Alex- 
am rather fairtj but don't mind me, i 
c better presently." Touched by the 
^ (iicckjiess of this answer, Mr. Grazing- 



172 THK UNCOMMERCtAt, TRAVELLER 

lands looked in at a pastrycook^s wiatJow, 
idng 83 to the expediency of lunching at tha' 
alishment. He beheld nothing to cat, bm b 
lin various forms, aliglidy charged with jam, 
languidly frizzling over tepid water. Two ati' 
lurtle-ahclls, on which waa inscribed [he leg 
*' Soups," decorated a gUss partition within 
•closing 9 stufiy aioove, from vvhjch a ghi 
mockery of a marriage- breakfast spread oti a rii 
tabic, warned the terrified traveller. An ob 
box of state and broken pastry at reduced p] 
mcumlcd on a stool, qniaracutcd the doonvay t 
two high chairs that looked as if they were peri< 
ing on stilts, embellished the counter. Over 
whole, a young lady prcsidedj, whose glo 
haughtiness as she surveyed the street, annou: 
deep-seated grievance against society, and an 
;>]acable determination to be avenged. Fr 
see tie-haunted kkcheti below this itisdtution, ft 
rose, Buggcsnve of a class of soup which 
irazingUndfi knew, fiom pairfiil eipmencc, 
'ieebles the mind, distends ihe Btotnachj ibpces il 
into the complexion, and tries to ooze out lE 
e^'cs. As he decided againat entering, and tii 
away, Mrs, Grazicglands becoTTiing percepi 
weaker, repeated, " J lim rather faint, Alcxan 
but don't mind me.*' Urged to new elToni 
these words of resignation, Mr. Grazinglands lo' 
in at a cald and rtonrv bakcrV shop, where ' 
lariat] buns unrelieved by a currant, consorted 
hard biscuiti, a stone filter of cold water, a 
pale clock, and a hard little aid woman with fl: 
hair, of an undcvcloped-iarinaceous aspect, as ii 
had been ted upon seeds. He might have cm 
tvcn here, but for the timely remembrance coi 
upon him that Jairing'a was but round the com 



I UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 73 



Now, jairiiig's being xn hotel for ra,Tnilic3 and 
groOemen, in Wgh repute among the midland J 
counties, Mr. Grazinglands plucked up a grest ' 
Ipirit when he told Mrs. Grasinglanda she should 
live a chop ibere. That lady, likewise fek that 
»hc was going to ace Liie. Arriving on thai gay 
and fcsdvc scene, they found the accond waiter, in 
4 flabby undress, cleaning the windowa of the 
empty coffbc-rooin ; and the iirat waiter, denuded 
of his white tie, making «p bis cruets behind the 
Post-Office Directoty. The latter (who took them 
in hand) was greatly put out by their patronage, 
and showed his mind w he troubled by a sense of 
die pressing necessity ol instantly smuggliug Mrs. 
Grazunglaiids into the obscurest career of the build- 
ing. This slighted lady (who Js the pride of her 
dj^Tsion of the county) was immediately conveyed, J 
h» Kvcral dark passages, and up add down several ^ 
ik|l, into a penitential apartment at the back of the 
^^bc( where five invalided old plate- warmera leaned 
tip against one another under adiacardedold melan- ■ 
choJy sideboard, and where the wintry leaves of all I 
the dining-tablcs in the house lay thick. Al^o, al 
of incomprehensible form regarded from any! 
it point of view, munriired " Bed ; " while an I 
of mingled fluJBness and heeltaps, added, ' 
:ojid Waiter's." Secreted in this djsmal hold, 
of & mysterious distrust and suspicion, Mr. 
igEanda and his charming partner vi-aited 
ny miniiies for the smoke (for it neii'er came to 
:), iweitty-five minutes for the &hcrry, half an 
for the tablecloth, forty minutes for the knives 

ferki, three-quarters of an hour for ihc chops, 

tnd an hotir for the potatoes. On settling the little 

I ttll — which wai not much more than the day^s pny 

•T a lieticeiunt b the navy — Mr. Qia^g\-Bit\.^ 



iAAi 



74 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 




took hurt to remonatraTe agiinst the general cjiif 
and cost of his reception. To vs-iiom the wi 
replied, sabstantially, that Jsiring's made it a men 
to have accepted hira on toy wrms : " ibft" add« 
the waiter (^untnistakabl)' coughing at Mrs. GrB 
iglands, the pride of her divisipn pf the t'ountjr) 
when indiwiduals is not staying in the '0«« 
their favours is not as a rale fooked upon as m«t:iii; 
it worth Mr, Jsiring's while ; nor Js it, indeed, 
style of businesa Mr, Jairing wishes." Finallj 
F^jr. and Mrs. Grazinglands passed out of jairini' 
hotel for Familiea and Gentlemen, in a state of ih 

est depression, scorned by the bar; and' 
lot recover their self-respect for several days. 
Or lake another case. Take your own casej 
You are going' off by railway, from any 
inua. You have twenty minutes (br dinnerj 
vou go. You want your dinner, and iike* 
Johnson, Sir, you like to dine. You presc 
your mind, a picture oi the re&eihment-tabl 
ihat terminus. The conventional shabby eve 
party supper — accepted as the model for all ter 
and bI! refreshment stations, because it ia the 
repast known to this state of existence of which, 
human creature would partake, but in the dircE 
ircmiiy — sickens your contemplation, and 
Words are theae ; " I cannci dine on stale sc 
cakes that turn to sand in the mouth. I ca 
dine on shining brown patties, composed ol 
known ammala within, and offering to my view" 
device of an indigestible star^fiah in leaden pie-c*ui 
without. I cannot ndine on a sandwich thac-fl 
long been pining under an cxlianstcd recdvcrtV 
cannot dine on barley-sugar. I cannot dine a 
Toffee." You repair to the nearest hotel, 2nd ai 
rive, agitated in th* coffee-room. 



BS^ 



UWCOMMEKCtAt TRAVELLER 75 



[; ii a moit utonislung fact that the waiter is very 
you. Account fur it Jiow you may, smooth 
bow you Willi you camiot diny thit he it 
you. He 13 not gkd to sec you, he does 
^■n: you, he would much rather you hadn't 
He (j'pptiaes to your HusJitii condition, an 
rablc composure. As if Uua were not enough, 
WHiter, borxi. as it would seem, expressly 
•1 you in this pas^g^ of your lite^ standi n 
di&tance, with his napkin under his arm and 
idi tuldeti, looking at you with all his might, 
ipress OD your waiter that you have ten 
rs for dinner, and he proposes that you ehaU 
[with a bit of fiah which will be ready in 
That proposal declined, he si^gests — as 
otigipality — "a wcsd or mutton cutlet." 
Ekwe with either cut/ft, any cutlet, jinything. 
I, Icmuely, behind a door 2nd calh down 
tanyecB shaft. A ventriloquial dialogue en- 
ling finally to the effect that weal only, is 
Jc on dae spur of the moment. Vou anxiously 
t, " Veal, then ! " Vour waiter having set- 
point, returns to «rray your tablecloth, 
uble napkin folded cocked -hat-wise (slowiy, 
rthing out of mndow engages his eye), a 
u-ine-gia3», 8 green winc-glaas, a blue fiager- 
a mmbfefi and a powc^fiil field battery of 
---r,rs with nothing in them; or at all 
( is enough for your purpose — with 
uitm that will come out. All this time, 
raiter looks at you— with an air of men tal 
and curiasity, now, as if it had oc- 
10 him that you arc rather like his brothrt-. 
IwMt um« gone, and nothing come but the jug 
and the bread, you implore ^our waiter to 
after that cutlet, waiter ; piay do ! " He 



76 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLE 

cansoi go at once, for he is csnying in hev\ 
pounds o{* American cheese for yo<j to finish 
and a ama^l Landed Estate of celtry and 
cresjM. The other waiter changes his leg 
takes a new view of you, doubt^lly, now, 
had rejected the reaeitiblaricfl to his btoth 
had begun to think 70U more iike his aunc 
grandmother. Again you beseech yourwajti 
pathetic indjgnatjpn, to "we alter that coi 
He steps om to we alicr it, and by-and-by, 
you are going away without it, comes back 
Even then, he will not take the sham rilvi 
oJF, without a pause for a f^ourishj and a icxjk 
musty cutlet ae if he were sHrpriscd :o te 
which cannot possibly be the case, he muBl 
seen it so often before. A son of fur has. be 
duced upon its surface by the cook'fr irt, tni 
sham silver vessel staggering on two feet inst 
three, ii X cotancous lund of sauce, of brDWO p 
and pickled cucumber. Yoa order the hi 
your water cannot bring your bill yet, bcci 
19 bringing, instead, three flinty-hearted p< 
and two grim bead of brocoli, like the oca 
omBrnents on area railings, badly boiled, 
know that you will never come to rhi» pai 
more than to the cheese and celery, and y 
pcraiivdy detnand your bill ; but, it take* t 
get, even when gone for, because your wait 
to communicate with a lady who lives bd 
wah-window m a comer, and who appears 
to refer to several Ledgers before she can 
out — B9 if you had been etaying there a year. 
become distracted to get away^ and the other 
once more changing hi* leg, su31 looks at yoi 
luspidously, now, as if you had begun to 1 
him of the party who took the grcat-coa 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER ^^ 



Your bill at la&i brought and {»idt at the 
of ixpcncc a mouthful, your waiter rcproach- 
rfminds you that " attendance is not charged 
ungic meal," and you have to search in all 
poctew tor sixpence inore. He has a worse 
Bcn of von than ever, wht^n you have given it 
B, Old lets yoQ out into the street with the air 
siying to himself, as you, cannot doubt he ie, 
[iope we shall ttcver ace pa here agala ! '* 
r, tale any other of the numerous travelling 
in whicii, with more time at your dis- 
il. you arc, have been, or may be, equally ill 
eI Txkc the old-established Bull's Head 
iu old' established knlfe-boXeft on its old- 
lidcboards, its old-cstabliahed due under 
iblishcd four-post bedsteads in its old- 
airless roDins, ha old-cstahlished frouzi- 
ujvjain and dovm-stairs, its old-estabiished 
K, and its ald-cstablished principles of plan- 
Count up your injuries, in its aide-dishes of 
iwccifareada in white poultices, of apotheca- 
nvdcn ia rice for curry, nf pale stewed bits 
' ineffec^jsHy relying for an adventitious in- 
on Jorcement balls. You have had experi- 
of the old-established Bull's Head stringy 
with lower extremiries like wooden legs, 
up out of the dish ; of its cannibalic boiled 
f gushing horribly among its capersj when 
\\ of iu iitilc dishes of pastry — roofs of spcr- 
oinurcnt, erected over half an apple or four 
e«. Well for you if you have yet for^ 
the old-established Bull's Head fruity port : 
rcputadon was gained solely by the old' 
ilea price the Bull's Head put upon it, and 
old-established air with which the Bull's 
Kt the glasses and D'Oyleys on, and held 



78 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEIXKR 



that liquid Gout In the tkrec-and-sucpenny 
candle, 13 if its old-established coIdut hidn^t cG 
&om the dyer's. 

Or lastly, take to Hsish with, two cages tha.1 
,■11 know, every day. 

We till know the new hotel near thr stafi 

^where it is divays gaaty, going up the lane 

always muddy, where we are sure to arri^ 

DJght, and where wc make the gaa atan awfJ 

Viicn we OpfiE the front door. Wc all kqow tilt 

flooring of the passages and staircases that ia too 

new, and the walls thaL are too new, and the ho 

that is haunted by the ghost of mortar. Wi 

know the doors that have cracked, and the 

shutters dirough which wc get a glimpse of cheJ 

consolate tnoon. We all kpow the new p( 

who have came to keep the new hotel, ajid 

wish chey had never come, and who (inevit 

result) wish we had never come. Wc all 

how much too scjnt and smooth and brightj 

new lurninjre is, and how it haa never 

down, and cannot fit hself into right pli 

*nd will get into ths wrong places. We al] 

how the gas, being lighted, shows maps of Dl 

npon the walls. We all know how the gjiosl 

, mortar passes into our sandwich, itirs our nql 

l^es up to bed with us^ ajccnds th? pale bedr 

Lchimncy, and prcTcnts the smoke from foUoi 

yWz all know how a leg of our chair comes 

I breakfast in the morning, and how the dcje 

waiter Bttribmes the accident to a general 

pervading thr establishmeat, and informs 

, reply to a local inqiury, that he is thankful 

llie is an mtirc jtrangcr in that part of the 

id is going back ta his awn canuutoii on 



IMMEI 

eali linow, on the other hand, rhe great station 

belonging to the company of propriecors, vvhit^h 

ddcniy sprang up ia ihe back outskirts of any 

wc like lo name, ard where we look out o£ 

alitkl windows, at Ikile hacii yards and gitf- 

old summer 'houses, fowl-hQuses, pjgeon-craps, 

■piptiei. Wc all know thia hotd in which wg 

get anything vvc wmi, eficr its kind, for 

fejf; but where cobody is glad to tee na, at 

to Kc Gs, or minds (or bill paid) whether we 

Of go, pr how, or when, of why, or carea 

ui. Wt all know this hotel, where we have 

iity, but put ourselves into the general 

n it were, and are aartcd and disposed of ac* 

% to OUT division. We aH know that we 

gn on v«ry well indeed at such a place, but 

not perfectly well ; and this may be, becaGse 

ce a largely wholeaitlc, and there ia a linger- 

pcnODal tslall interest within us that asks, to be 



siuii up. My uncommercial travelling has 

W brought me to the conclusion that we are 

to p^tection in ihesfl matterj. And Just as I 

M believe that the end ot' the world wi]l e\*er 

ai hsmd, ao long an any of the very tire- 

and arrogant peopie who constantly j^redict 

[cawitrophe lare leit in it, so, I shall have small 

in the Hotel Mitlennium, while any of the 

1? superstitions I baTC gtsDced at re^ 

eziicence. 



So THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLI 



Chapter Vll 



tkavellinc abroad 



I GOT into the travelling chariot — it was o 
man make, roontVi heavy, and luivarnishi 
got into the travelling chariot, palled up the 
after rat, shm myself in with a smart bang i 
door, and gave the word, " Go on ! " 

ImmediaTely, all that W. and S.W. divisi 
London htgsa 10 slide away at a. pace go Uvel; 
I was over the river, atid past the Old Kent 
and out on Bkclcheath, and even ascending I 
er'a Hill, be&re I had had time Co look ahoi 
m the caniagCi lllte a collected traveller. 

I had two ample Imperiala on the roof, 
fitted storage far luggage in fi-ont, and other b 
hind ; 1 had a net for boob, overhead, great pi 
to all the windows, a leathern pouch or two 
up for odds and enda, and a reading latnp E] 
the back of the cbarior, in case I ahguld h 
pighteti4 I was amply provided in all rcapecB 
had no idea where I was going (which was dc 
fill), ejicept that I was going abroad. 

So smooth was the old high raid, and to 
were the hones, and 30 fast wcnt I, that 
midway between Gravcaend and RochestcTj 
the widening river was bearing the shipi. 
Bailed or black-smoked, Out to sea, when I 
by the wayside a very cjueer small boy. 

" Holloa I *' said 1, to the very qacer sma 
•• where do you live ? " 

"At Chatham/' saya he. 

" What do you dv there ? " saya I. 

•* I go to school/' says he. 

I took hint up in I moment, and we 



THZ UNCOMMERCIAL TRAV^^LLBR 8i 

jdy, ihe very queer smali bay iay»j "This ia 
»-hill we Ate coming to^ where FaJstsff went 
to rob those tTaveUerS], and ran away/' 
'You know aomediiug aboui Faljisiff, eh?" 
1. 
' All about liim,'" said the very queer small boy. 
jm old (I am nine), and i read all sons of 
oLi. But ^e let us «top at the top of the hill, 

look »t the house there, if you picsic ! " 
[♦'You admire that house?" said 1. 

B]ee4 yuu, sir," ^aid die very <]uecr eiiuill boy, 
r&ca I wai not more than half se old a» nlne^ it 
U> be a ir^i for me to be brought to looli at 
And now, I am nine, I come by myself to 
at it. Aad ever atnce 1 can recollect, my 
r, leeing toe so fand of it, hag often said to 
r, • If you were to be very persevering and were 
mosi hardt you might some day cume to live ia 
Though liiaf's jniposiibiej " said the very 
sm^l boy, drawing a low breath, said now 
at the kouK out of window with all iiia 

rather amazed to be told this by the very 
boy ; for that houic happens to be rjiy 
I hare rason lo believe that what he 
tnie, 

rWell J 1 made no hsll there, and I hood dropped 
very qvecr amall boy and VFcnt on. Over the 
,!&»d where the old Ramans cacd to marth, over 
road U'bere the old Canterbury pilgrima u^ed to 
over the road where the travelling trains of ths 
imperious priests and pinfcii used to jingle On 
riehack between tlie cantincBt and thu Island 
taufh the mud and water, over the roxd where 
kcspcarc hummed to himaclf, "Blow, blow, 
wtnier wipd," ai he sat in the saddle at the 




• 



* THE UNCOMMERCIAL TftAVBl,!; 



gate oi' the inn yard tioticing the carrie 
among the cherry ordiarda, gpple orchard 
Selds and hap-gardcdS ; so went I, by Cad 
to Dover. There, the aex was tumbling 1 
deep sounds, afier dark, and the revolving 
light oo Cape Grincz was iten regularly 1 
out and becoming obscured, aa it' the hei 
gigantic light-keeper in s.n fttijctoua state q 
were inierpoaed every half mioute, to looU 
was burning. 

Early in the rooniing I was on the ded 
st^am-packet, and we were aimbg fit the 1m 
Qsual intolerable mamier, and the bat was at 
us in the usual intolerable maBner, and the 
by far the best of it, and we got by lar tli 
—all in the UsOfll idtolerable mztrn^^ 

But, VTheti 1 waa deaf of the Custom H 
the other side, and when I beg;ttn to make t 
fly on the tbirsty Frtticb roads, and when ill 
some trees by the wsyside (vuhk-h, I supposi 
will grow leafy, for thcv never did) guard 
and Lhcre a dusty soldier, or field labourer, 
on a heap of broken stones, soond asleep i 
tion of shade, 1 began to recotcr my tp 
spirits. Cotning upon the breaker of the' 
stones, in a hard hot shining hat, on which' 
played at a distance iis on a buming-glaa 
that now, indeed, I was in the dear old Fr 
my affections, I should have known it, 
the well-rcraembered botde of rough ordintT 
the cold roast fowl, the loaf, and the pinch 
on which I lunehed with unspeakable satii 
from one of the stuffed pockets of the chari 

I must have fallen asleep after lunch, hr 
bright face looked in « the window, I 
said : 



I 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

wd God, Louis, I dreamed you were 

cbeerftil servani laughed, and answered : 
e? Not m all, sir." 

dw glad I am 10 wake ! What are we do- 
mis?" 

e go to take relay uf horaea. Will you 
p lite Mil ? " 

inlj'." 
come the old French hill, with the old 

lunatic (not in the raosi distant degree re- 
3 Sleme's Maria) living in a thaic-hed dog- 

hali* way up, and flying out with his crutch 
i big head and exteuded nightcap, to be he- 
ld with tic old men and wOinen exhibiting 
i children, and with the children cxhibiring 
en and women, ugly and blind, who always 
, by resurrecdnnary procesU to be recalled OLLt 
rlements for the sudden peopting afthe loli- 

it well," said I, scattering among thetn what 
tain I had ; *' here comes Louis, and I am 
auKd liam my nap." 

journeyed on again, and I welcomed every 
surance that France stood where 1 had left 
hcfe were the posdng-houses, with iheir 
\yt, dory stable-yards, and clean posunaacers' 
bright women of business, lookitig on at die 
;-T0 of the horse's ; there were the postiliooa 
ig what money thcv got, into their hats, and 
malciog enough of it ; there were the aiand- 
pulation of grey horsea of Flanders deaceni, 
ly Hdng one another when they got a 
; there were the fleecy Bhcepslcins, looped 
tbrir nniforma bv the postilions, tike bibbed 
j[ blew and raijicd t thtttc wctc i^EvdC 



i 



r 



i 



84 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

JBck-boou, tnd iheir cracldng wliips ; iJiere 
the cathedrals that I go: out 10 see, as vnda 
cruel hoadige, m no mse desiriug to kc 
tlierewcre the Mttlt tDwti£ that appeared to have 
reason hr being towiu, since mosc of ihdr hoi; 
were to let and nobody could be iniiuced to laol| 
them, eicepc the people who couldn't let thcoi 
had nothing else to do but look, at them all da}>.l 
lay a night upon the road and enjoyed dele{ 
cookery of potatoes, and some other ^eneiblc 
adoption of which at home would incviial 
shown to be 5-aiight with ruin, somehotv or ot 
U) cha[ nckety nadonal blessing, the British 
and at last I was rattled, like a single pill in a 
over leagues of atones, undl — madly crac 
plunging, and floumhing two grey tails abouc 
made my triumphal entry into Pms. 

At Palis, I took an tipper aparunent for 
days in one of the hoicla of the Rue de RivoB ; 
fiont windows looking into the garden of 
Tuiicrics (where the principal difference bet 
the nujEcmaids and the Bowers seemed to be 
the former were locomotive and the latter nc 
my back windows lookkig at all the other 
windows in the hotel, and deep down into a [ 
yard, where mv German chariot had retired i 
a tight-iiLting archway^ lo all appearance for 
and whwc bells rang all day without anybc 
minding ihem but certain chamberlains with ft 
broonis and green baize csps, who here and 
leaned out of some high nindow pladdly kn 
dxiwn, aoid where neat waiters with trays on 
left fihouldcrs passed and repassed trom momiaj 
night. 

Whenever ] am at Paris, 1 am dragged byj 
visible force into the Morgue. I never want foj 



mCOMMBKCIAI. TRAVELLER 8$ 



am alwajrs pulled there. One Chri«t- 
when I wQuId rather have been sny- 

I waj attracted in, to bcc an old grey 
all alone on liis cold bed, with a tap of 
cd on over his grey hair, ajid running, 

drip, down his wretched face until it 

corner of his mouch, where it took a 
node him look sly. One New Year's 
TV ihc same token, the sun was shining 
1 there was a moimtebank balancing a. 

hii nose, within a yard of the gate), I 

in again to look at a flaxen-haired boy 
, with % heart hanging on hie breast— 
mother," was engraven on it — who had 

the net across the river, with a bullet 
hit fair forehead snd hii hands cut with, 
t whence or how was a blank roystery. 

I wai forced into the satne dread place, 
axgc dark man whose di^Rgurement by 
in a frigbcful manner, comic, and whose 

wat thai of a prtze>iighter who had 
eyelids under a heavy bbw, bat was go- 
iately to open rhem, shake hl3 head, and 
I imiiing." Oh what this ^^rge dark' 
DC in that bright city ! 
rcry hot weather, ard he was none the- 
tliat, and I was much the worse. In- 1 
try neat and pleasant little woman wichi 
' her lodging on her forefinger, who had,| 
ing him to her little girl while she and I 
ate iweettncata, observed monsieur loofc-i 
' as wc came out together, and aakcdl 
with her wundering little eyebrows pret-J 
» if there were anything the matteri 
ilyJng in the negative, monBieur crossed'! 
D a wine-shopt got gome brandy, and r^J 




S6 THE UNCOMMERGIAL TRAVELLE 

solved to freshen himaeif with 
fioadng bach od the river. 

The hath was crowded m (he usual airy m 
by 3 male population in striped drawers of' 
gay colours, who vviilked up and down arm 
drank, coifte, smoked cigars, at at Utile tables, cl 
versed politely with the dsunsels who dispensi 
rowela, and every now and then pkched ther 
into the river he^d foremost, and came oul 
[to repeat this social roudDe. I made haste ti 
ticipaie in the water pari of the eDtertdimieni 
was in the full enjoyment of a delightful 
when all in a moment I was setied with an 
sonablc idea tha-t the large dsrk body was 
BOraight at me. 

1 was out pf the river, and dressing Idsi 
In The shock I had taken some water init 
mouth, aud it turned me aick^ for I lancied ti 
t-'ontaminalion of the creature was in it. I 
back to my cool darltened room in the hotel 
was lyitig on a sofa there, before I began to 
with my self, 

Of conrsej I knew perfectly well that the 
dark creature was stone dead, aii<d that I shot 
more come upon him out of the place where 
8cen him dead, than I should ccime upon the 
dral of Notre-Dame in an entirely new »niati( 
What troubled me was the picture of the cteatiH 
aod that had &o curiously and strongly poinled iq 
upon my brain, that I could not get rid of it 
it was worn out. 

I noticed the peculiarides of tliis possession, 
it was a real discomfort to me. That very 
dinner, some morsel on my plate looked HIh 
piece of hJm, and I was glad to get up and gc 
l*tBr in the evmng, t wan walking along tl 



edui 

I 

! iii» 



THE UNCOMMBRCUkL TRAVELLER 



Honore, wIlcu I exw i bill at a public room 

annourit'itig amall-sword exercise, broad- 

ni exercise, wrestlitig, and other such feats. I 

in, and %oms ol" the sword-play being very 

1, remained, A specimen of our cwn natii^na] 

, The Biirish Boaic, was announced to be 

it ibe c)ote of the evening. In an evil hour, 

iticd to wait far this Boaxe, as became a 

loa. It tva& a clumay specimen {eiecuted by 

Engliih. grocmB out of place), bul one of the 

X3» receiving a straight right-hander v/ith 

glove between his eyes, did exactly what fhc 

! <iaTk creature :n the Morgue had seemed go- 

D do— and (inishcd me for thai night. 

re was rather « oickly smell (not at all tn 
(fBg^BDce in Parig) in the little antc-room 
my aparmeiit at the hotel. The large dark 
in the Morgue was by no direct experi- 
ssiociated with my Kense of smelly because, 
I came to the knowledge of him, he lay be- 
aii of thick pUie-glaGS as good as a wa.II of 
marble for that matter. Yet the whiff of 
never failed to reproduce him. What 
irc curioui, was the capriciouaness with 
hi« porurait acemcd to light itself up in my 
id, cUewhere. I might be wJlking in the Palnis 
Uaily enjoying the shop windowa, and 
;bt be regaling myaclf with one of the rctdy- 
cSothes shops that are ict oat there. My 
idering over impMsible-waisted dresiing- 
and luminous waist-coats, would ^11 upon 
muter, or the shopman, or even the very 
,y at the door, and would suggest to me, 
ethlng li^c him ! " — and instantly I was 
again, 
vrould bippet) at the theatre, in the ume 



B8 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL!^ 

manner. Often it would happen b the 
when I cenainly was not looking for the liki 
and when probably there was no Ukenew 
It was not becRtise the creacure was dead 
was $0 haunted, because I know that I might 
been (and I know it because I have been) « 
attended by the Image of a living averaiQii. 
lasted about a vtedi. The picture did not ft 
degrees, in the aenae that it became a whi 
forcible and distinct, but in the sense that 
truded itself less and less frequently. The 
cnce may be worth considering by same who 
the care of children, [t would be difficuU to 
state the inteasity aiid accuracy of an intcl 
child's observation. At that impressible tin 
life, it muat aometimes produce a fixed impn 
If the fixed iinpreB?ion be of an object terri 
the chiJd, it will be (for want of reasoning 
inseparable from great fear. Force the ch 
such a titne^ be Spartan with it, send it in 
dark against its will, leave it in a lonely be 
against its will, and you had better murder it. 

On a bright morning I ratded away &om 
in the German chariot, and left the large dark 
ture behind me for good. I oughi to cfl 
though, that I had been drawn back t 
Morgue, after he was put underground, to l 
his clothes, and that I found them Nightfall 
hun — particularly his boots* However, I 
away for Svvitzerland, looking fonvard 
backward, and ao we paited cooipany. 

Welcome again, the long long spell of Fi 
mth the queer country inns, full of vase; of fl 
and clocks, in the dull little towns, ajnd wi: 
little population not at all diijl on the little 1 
Vard in the evening, under the little trees! 



"RAVELLER 



Moniieur die Cure walHng aloDC m the early 

ftbg a short way ou: af the tDwn* reading that 

Breviary of yours, which surely might be 

reid, without book, by thJs dmc ! WeJ- 

Miiruicor the Cure, later in the day, jolting 

iigli lite highway dust (as if you had Ktrcady 

niUd lu the cloudv region), in a very big- 

td cabriolrij with the dried mud of a dozen 

on it, Welcome again Monsieur the Cure, 

1 flchongc salutations ; you, arr&ightEiiiiig your 

10 lool; at the German chariot, while picidng 

our Ijitlc village garden a vegetable or two for 

y'i loup : J, looking out of the German 

window in that delicious travellei's trance 

Inovvs no cares, no yesterdays, no in-mor- 

iBotJiJrg but the passing objccta and the pass- 

I wnti and aounds ! And so I came, in due 

ol delight, to Strasbourg, where I passed a 

Saaday evening at a window, while an idle 

of a vaudeville was played for me at the op- 

'fcoujc. 

inch a large house came to have only three 
living in it, was ita own a^dr. There were 
»t I score of windows in its high rocf alone ; 
naay in its grotesque front, I soon gave up 
-Jljng. The oi\Tier was z shopkeeper, by name 
Pknidenbcim { by trade — I couldn't make out 
Hbt by trade, for he had forborne to write that 

Kd hu shop was shut. 
firvt, a» I 1>3oked at Straudenhclm's, through 
idHy falling rain, I set him up In business in 
<.|po9c-livirr line, But^ itispecdoii of Stfauden- 
who became visible at a window on the 
Qoor, convinced me that there wag sotne- 
precious than liver in the case. He 
black velvet skull-cap, and looked uaiuioLs 





go TKR UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELL.I 




Mid rich. A largc-Hpped, pear-nosed ol 
with whitr hair, and keen eyes, thougl 
sighted. He was writing ar a desk, was & 
hcim, and ever and again left off writing, 
pen in hiH mouth, and went through acdcw 
his right hand, like a man steadying piles 
Fiyc-&anc pieces, Straudcnhdm, or goldt 
pqleons ? A jeweller, Straudenhcim, a dt 
money, a diajrond merchant, or what? 

Bclavv Straudenhdm, at a window od 
floor, sat his housekeeper — far from yoaag, 
a comely presenccj soggestive of a wdl- 
iocA and antle. She was cheerily dresse 
fan m her hand, and wore large gold e 
a large gold cross. She would have been oi 
day-making {a I settled k) bat for the pestil 
Strasbourg had given up holidar-making i 
once, as a bad jab, because ihe rain was jcl 
gushes out of the old root-spouts, ard runiii 
brook down the middle of the Btrcci. The 
keeper, her arms folded on her boEom and 
tapping her chin, was bright and imlliag 
open -window, but otherwise Straudenhcim' 
front was very dreary. The housekeeper 
the only open window in it ; Straudcnhei^ 
himself dose, though it was a sultry eveningi 
air is pleasant, and ihotigh the raio had 
into the town that vague refreshing smell 
which rain does bring in the summer-Time. 

The dim appearance of a man at Straud 
shoulder, inspired me with a mijgivtng th&l 
body had come to murder that flourishing 
for the wealth with which I had handao 
dowed him : the rather, as it wa£ an cxcit' 
l«ai} and [png of figure, a&d evidentlv ste£^ 
foot. But, be conferred with Strauderihdm m 



^U2 



UNCOMl 



him. a mortal injury, and then they both 

-ned iht other window of thai room — 

wai immediately over the houackecpcr'a — 

icd to see her by looking down. And ray 

tR of Soatideofieim was much lowered when 

that eminent ddzcn spit out of window^ 

vrith the hope of spittuig on the houae- 

iuicoubcioui housekeeper tanned herself, 
her hcad^ and laughed. Though uncou- 
orStraudenbeiir, she wai conscious of some- 
>f mc ? — there waa nobody else. 
loing so far oat of the window, that I 
ly expected to see their heels dlt up, 
CDheiin and the 3ea.ii Qian drew their heads 
id ahvit the window. Presently, the house 
' ttcrctJy opened, and they slowly and spite- 
IcTept forth inlg {he pouring rain, Thev were 
Dj over to Rie (I thought) to demind satig- 
far my looking at the housekeeper, when 
Jungcd into 3 recess in the architecture under 
adow and dragged out the puniest of little 
begirt with the most innocent of little 
The tall gjiKcd head-dress of this wu-- 
Straudeohetm instantly knocked of, ai^d out 
fill two sugaf'sdcks, and three or four large 
of BUgar, 
ie warrior made nt> effort to recover his 
tj or to pick up h\& ^halco, bat look'ed wKh 
I czpreuion of attention it Straudenheiin when 
kcd htm five timcs^ and also at the lean man 
>(/ kicked htm Hve times, and agdin at 
when he tore the brcait of his (the 
r'f) little coat open, and shook si] his ten 
In hii ftcc, as if thev were ten thousand. 
I ikwe outrages had been committed, Straudcn- 



99 Ttm UNCOMMBRCtAL TRAVBI.LER 



ham rad his man went into the houae again < 
I barred the door. A wonderful circuin stance 
, that the housekeeper who saw it ill (and who 
have uken six such warriors to her buxom 
lit once), only fanned benelf and laughed aa 
^d laughed before, and aeemcd to have no o| 
■bout it, one way or other. 

But, the chief effect of the drama vna 
jnarkable vengeance taken by the little wi 
Left alone in the r^, he picked up his shako i\ 
.k on, ail wet and <tirty a3 it was; retired in 
court, of which Straudcrheim's house formedj 
.roraer j wheeled about ; and bringing his 
ibreliiigen do^e to the top of hia nose, mk 
'them orer one another, cross-wise, in derisioD,' 
i fiance, and contempt of Siraudeoheim, AEthi 
Straudenheim could not possibly be supposed 
conscious of this strange proceeding, it so ii 
and comforted the little warrior's soiil, that 
he went away, and twice came back into the 
to repeat it, as though it muK goad hit mi 
. to madness. Not only that, but he after 
came back with two other small warriors, 
I they all three did it together. Not only 
I— 4S J live to tell the talef — but just as it 
ftlling quite dark, the three came back, 
with them a huge bearded Sapper, whom 
.moved, by recital of the origin^ wrong, 
through the aatne performdtice, with the same 
plete absence of all possible knowledge of ill 
the part of Straudenheim. And then thcyl 
went away, arm ia arm, singing. 

I went away too, in the German chariot iti 
rise, and rattled on* day after day, like one 
sweet dream ; with bo many clear little belllj 
the himeis of the horses, that the rurjcrv rh( 



; ON CO M TWBWa A ^ TRAVBLUR 95 

bury Cross and the venerabk Uiy who 
aiBte there, was aJways m my fan. And 
Bme to the land of wonden houses, inno- 
et, thin butter spop, and spotless little inn 
. with a family Ekeness to Dairies. And 
Swiss marksmen were forever riflc-shoot- 
rics across gorges, so excccdiBgly near my 
I felt !ilce a new Geslcr in a Canton of 
ad went in highly- deserved danger of ray 
bI life. The prizes et these shootings, 
aiches, imnn handkerchlebj hats, spoons, 
ove all) tes'traya j and at these cnntests I 
ion a. more chan usually sccomplished and 
coimiryniBn of my own, who had shot 
deaf in whole years of competition, and 
I flo many ica-traya that he went about the 
vmh his carrisgc full of them, like s gloii- 
Mp-Jack. 

c mountain-country into which I had now 
I, a yoke of oxen were sometimes hooked 
re the post-horses, and I went Iqmbcring 
np, through mist and rain, with the roar 
g water far change of music. Of a aud- 
it and rain would clear a^vay, and I would 
own into picturesque little towns with 
Bpirea and odd towers ; and would stroll 
,to market-places in steep winding streets, 
hundred women in bodices, sold eggs and 
biiner and fruit, and suclcled their children 
lat by their clean baskets, and had such 
I goitres (or glandular swellings in the 
that ii became a science to know where the 
Kied and the child began. About tliis time, 
ted my German chariot for the back of a 
n colour and consistency so very like a 
d hair trunk I once had at school, that [ 



54 TEtE'tJNCOMMEMtriALTRAI 



half-cxpected to see ray initiida m 
DBils an his backbone), and went up 
nigged wsys, and looked down at a thoi 
of fir and pine, and would on tiie wbol 
ferred my mule's keeping a little neare 
tide, and itoc usually traveliicg witii ■ 
over ihc precipice — though much cons 
planation that this was to be attribviied 
lagacity, by reason of his canying br 
wood at ctbcr times, aod Dot being cJe^ 
mjfBeif belonged to that stadon of" Ufe, 
as much room as they. He brought 
his own wi^e way, among the panes of i 
here I enjoyed s dozen climBteB a day; 
(like Don Quisote on liie back of the wc 
in. the region of wind, now in the region 
in the region of unmdting ice and snc 
passed over trembling domes of ice, bei 
the cataract was roaring ; and here 
under arches of icicles, ot Lnspeskablc bt 
here the sweet air was so bracing and sdl 
fit halting-tinics I rolled in the snow i^ 
my luule do it, thinking that he mustj 
Al this part nf the JQumcy wc wqnlq 
midday, into half an hour's thaw: whei 
mountain inn would be found on an ia!a 
mud in a jca of snow, while the bainng 
mules, and the carls of full casks and bJ 
had beeo in an Arctic condition a mild 



woman-guide within the hut, who would. 
(flut haitily, throwing her child over one 

KuldcTS and her goitre over the other, hi 
slong. I slept at religious houses, and 
jes of many kinds, on ihij jouraey, aad 
re at night heard nories of travelers who 
td within wU, ia wreaths and drifti of 
le uight the stove within, and the told 
Wakened childish assodatloDt long for- 
I dreamed I was in Rusiia — the ident- 
o( a picture-book I h^d, before J could 
myself — and that I was goitrg to be 
I bjr a noble personage is a &r cap. boots, 
■nags, who, I think, must have come out 
B melodrama. 

Blend me lo the beactifu] waters among 
ooimcaios ! Though I was not of their 
they, being inveteraiely hem an getting 
ntD the level country, and I ardently dear- 
linger where I was. What deaperate leaps 
what dark sbysses they plunged into, 
they wore away, what echoca they in- 
one pvfi where I went, they were 
the service of carrying wood down, to 
ct winter, as costly fuel, in Italy. But, 
wvage nature was not to be easily con- 
sd ihcy fought with every limb of rh« 
whirling it round and tOund, stripping its 



96 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLB 

wbitc mountains opposite, and tbc boai:» vt o 
with their fiirled Mediterranean saiis, ahowil 
enormous magniiicatioiis of this goosc-quill p( 
is now in my hand. 

-^Thc sky btfcame overcast without any n 
a wind very like the March east wind of En 
bkw across me ; and a voice said, ** How t 
like it? Willie do?" 

1 had merel)' shut myself, for half i nunuC 
Gennan travelling chariot that stood for sale 
Carriage Department of the London Panted] 

I had a commlaBion to buy k, for A friend wi 
going abroad ; and the look and manner 
chariotj as 1 tried the cushions and the n 
brought all these hints of travelling Koieni 
before me^ 

" Ic will do very well," sad I, rather si 
fiilly, as I got out at the other door, and tt 
carriage up. 

^■■b Chaptt^r Vni ^1 

^ THE CRBAT Tasmania's cargo ' 

I TRAVEL constancy, up and down a < 
line of railway that hits a terminus in L( 
It it the railway for a large military depot, a 
other large barracka. To the beat of my 
belief, I have never been on that railway h 
light, without seeing some handcufi'ed deter 
the train. 

It 11 in the nature of things that such an i 
lion as our Enghsh army ahottld have mai 
and troublesome characters in it. But, th 
rcBion for, and not agidntt, its being made 



^6k 



»sibie to well-disposed men of decent 

Such men are assuredly tioT tempted 
lies, by the beastly inversion of natural 
le compulsion to live in worse ihsn 

iftas. Accordingly, when any such 

itioDal embellishments of the soldier'a 

live of Jace bccB brought to notice, wc 

Jed in outer darknesa cheerfuHy tnedi- 

'tncome Tax, have considered the msT- 

oiir busdnes9> and bavc shown a ten- 
dcdare that we would rather not have ji 

tif such declaradon may^, without vio- 
Church Catechism, be hinted to thoic 
in authority over us. 
nimated dejcriptjon of r modem battle, 
te soldier's letter published in the news- 
ay page of the records of the VjctoriE 
LU show that in the ranVs of the army, 
at under all disadvantages zs hue a sense 
tail to be found in any station an earth, 
^p lha.t if we aW did our duty as faith- 
IIb loldier does his, this world would be s. 

K\ There may be greater difficulties in 
1 in the Boldier's. Not disputed. But, 
c do our duty towards hin. 
got back again to thai rich and beautiiiil 
had looked af:er Mercantile lack, and 
fcg up a hill there, on a wild March 
ly conversation with my official iriend 
I whom I was accidentally accompanied, 
Srcction as we took the up-hill direction, 
he object of my uncommercial joumey 
ee tome discharged soldiera who had re- 
homc from India. There were men 
c*a among them ; there were men who 
maAy of the great battles of the great 



98 THE tnsrCOMMSRCIAL TRAVE 

Indian campiign, among them ; utdfl 
to at^ce whar our discharged eoldicrt 
when they were done wi:ii. 

I was HOE :i)e Icsa interested («» I ni 
mjf ofEcisl friend Pajiglcsa) bccaQse tbc 
clsimed to be dischsirged, when their 
disclia^ed was not adinitied. They h 
with aublcmjahcd fidelity and braver 
change of cirfumstajice& had arisen, wlii 
considered, put an end to their coinp 
dtled them to enter on a new one. Tfc 
tad been blunderingly resisted by the ai 
India ; but, it is to be presujned that th 
not far wrong, inaBmiich as the bLiigIc 
in their being sent home discharged, ii 
ef orders from horae, (There wat a. 
waste of money, of cEurse.) 

Under these circumstances — thougk 
walked up the hill, an which i accid 
countered my offirial friend— under th< 
stances of the men having successful 
themaclves to the Pagoda Dcpaj-tmcnl o 
Circiimlocation Office on which the siu 
and the light of reason never rises, the J 
partment wUl have been particularly ca 
national honour. It will have showTi ik 
the scrupulous good faith, not to say the 
of its dealing with them, that great natia 
des can have no jmall retalixtiotu and re 
win kgva made every proviiion for thd 
the passive home, and will have landci 
stored Irom their campaigning ^tigues 
voyagej pure ar, sound food^ and good 
And I pleased myself with dwelling I 
on the greai acu^ouncs of their personi 
which thcic men would, carry tpto tl 




RAVEL.I 

.Tillages, and on the increasing popularity 
lervice tha: would inaenaibly ibllow. I al- 
1^ to hope that the hitherto -never- failing 
I gti my railroad would by-and-by become 

is agreeable frame of mind I entered the 
US of livcrpoo]. — For, the cyldvadon of" 
in a ixady soil, had brought the soldiers ia 
to f/mj abode of Glory, 
e goiag into their wards ca visit them, I in- 
Hovv ihcy had made their triujnphani entry 
They had been brought through the rain 
, h Eccmed, firom the laDdlng-place tg the 
d had then been carried up-stairs on ths 
f paupers. Their groans and paiii3 during 
Oimance of this glorious pageant, had been 
EHing, as to bring tears into the eyes of 
n but too well accustomed to sccnca oi'tuf- 
l"he men were so dreadfiiHy cold, thac 
ha could get near the fires were hard to be 
d &©m thrusting their feet in among the 
ct}ala. They were so horribly reduced, thiC 
re awful to loot upon. Racted with dys' 
nd blackened with scurvy, one hundred and 
reiched soldiers had been revived with 
ind laid in bed. 

al friend Pamgloea ia lineally descended 
id doctor of that name, who was once 
idide, an iagcniaus young gemlennan of 
Icbrity. In his persona] character, he is as 
worthy a gentleman as any I know j 
capaeiiy, he unfortunately preaches 
ice of ius renowned snccsior, by demon- 
On all occasions that wc live in tli£ beat of 
]k oHicial worlds. 

lumauity," said I, "how did 



lOO TH£ UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



the men fkll into thit deplorcble suc« ? Wi 
ship well found In stores ? " 

" I am not here to as^v^ratr that I kno^ 
, ikct, of my own knowledge," answered Paoj 
*' but 1 have grounds for asscrdag that the 
were The best of all possible stores." 

A medical officer laid before us, a hanc 
rotten biscuit, and a handful of split peat. 
biscuit w3lS a honeycombed heap of jnaggots, ind 
the excrement of maggots. The peas were e«o 
harder than this ilkh. A similar handiitl bad 
cxperimen tally boiled sbc hours^ and had showf 
Wgrs of softeniBg. These were the Btorco on 
the soldiera had been led. 

" The beef — " 1 began, when Panglosi ct 
ihort, 

" Was the best of all possible beef," gaid he." 

But, behold, there was laid before us certain evi- 
dence given at the Coroner's Incjueet, holden 08 
some of the men (who had obstinately died of thfi; 
treatment), and &om that evidence It appeared thit 
the beef was the worst of possible beef! 

** Then I kv my hasid upon my heart, and take 
my Btand,'^ laid Pangtosa, " by the pork, w^ 
was the beat of all possible pork." 

" But look at this food before our eyes, if 
may so mijuse the word," said I. " Woult! 
Inspector who did hi^ duty, psaa such abominatic 

" h ought not to have passed," Panglois ac 

" Then the authorities oai there — " 1 
when Panglojs cat me short again. 

" There would certainly aecm to have been : 
thing wrong somewhere/' said he ; *♦ but I 
pared to prove that the auttiorides out tht 
ti\c best of all posiuble authorides/' 

I never htud of any impeached pubUc mt 



^THE UNCOMMEBCJAt. TRAVELLER lOl 

ay life, who wxs not the best public autbority 

existence. 

Wc &re Fold of thete imfbrtunatf men b«ng 

low hy icurvy»" said I. "Since lime-juice 

been regularly stored snd served out in our 

'f surely that di&ease, which used to devastate 

tjs jumost di&appeared ? Was there litne-juice 

this transport ? " 

ly oSdal friend was beginning **the best of all 

sle^" when an iticoDVenicac medical fore- 

poinud out another passage in the evidence, 

which k appeared that the lime-juice had been 

loo. Not to mention that the vinegar had 

hud too, the vegetables bad too, the cooking 

"Dmmodation insufBcient (if ihere had been &ny- 

fg worth mcctionmg to cook), the water supply 
Kdingly inadequate, and the beer s-our. 
' Then the men," said Pangloss, a IJule irritated^, 
ere ihc wgrji of all possible men," j 

' In what respect i " I asked. ■ 

'• Ob ! Habitual drunkards," »aid Pangloss. 
^^ut, agsin the same Incorrigibie medical torcfingcr 
^nted out another passage in the evidence^ shoiv-. 
K that the dead men had been examined after 
death, and that they, at lesetp codd noc possibly 

KE been habitual drunkards, because the organs 
lin ihem which must have shown traces of that 
II, were pcrfccLly sound. 

"And bcujJcs," said the three doctors present, 
and all, ^'hahiiual drunkards brought as loiv as 
»e men have been, could not recover under care 
food, ai the great majority of these men are re- 
vering. They would not have strength ol con- 
jcion to do it," 
Reckless and itnprovident doga, then," >»d 
^AngloM. " Always are— nine time* o«t oi" ten." 



k 



102 THB imCOMMERClAL TRAVELLE 

I nracd to the master of the vrarkfaotue, 

■skcd bim whether the fnen had aoy money? 

" Money f " MJd he, " 1 ha\-c in my iron 

[nearly lour hundred pounda ot' theirs; the t\ 

' bve nearly a huDdred |>oiiDd4 more ; aud man 

di«cn have left money in Indkn bjiika heaides. 

*' Hah ! " Mid 1 to iryaelf, as we went 

fitairs, " this is pot the best of all ppsjiible itori 

doubt 1" 

Wc went into a l»ge wardj, containing 
twenty or five-aod-twcDly beds. We went 
laereral fluch watds, one after another. I fii 
; very difficult to indicate what a shocking h( 
saw in them, -without frightening the reader 
the pcniaa] of these lines, and defeating my o 
of making it tno^vD. 

O the iunken eyes that turned to me as I wi 
between the rows of beds, or — worse still— 
gkzcdly looked »t the white ceiling, and mw 
ing and cared for nothing ! Here, lay the ski 
of a man, so lightly covered with a chin anw! 
some skin, that sot a bone tti the anatomy 
clothed, and I could clasp the arm above the eEl 
in TTiy finger and thumb. Here, lay v man 
the black scurvy eating hia leg* away, his 
gone, and his teeth all gaont and bare, Thi 
w*6 empty, because gangrene had set in, am 
patient iiad died but yesterday. That bed i 
ihopelcBa ore, because its occupant was sinking; 
and cou!d only be roused to turn the poor pin 
mask of tace upon the pillow, with a feeble n 
The awful thinness of the follen cheeks, the i 
brightness of the deep set eyes, the fips of lead 
hands of ivory, the recumbent human images 
in the shadow of deRth with a kind of solctna 
i^ht on thcni, ilke the lixty who had died al 



UNCQMMElKCtAI 



the tbip and were lying at the bcttgm of the M3, O 
;lo»i God Ibrgive you ! 
one bed, lay a man whose life had been paved 
was hoped) by deep iTiciEions in tlic feet and 
While I was speiikiiig to him, a curse came 
change the poultices which this operation had 
Ier«d necessary, and I h^ an inatincdve fediag 
ii vrss DQt well to tum an'ay^ merely to spare 
:lf. He was &oreiy w^Ced abd keenly 648- 
ible, hut die e^Drts he made to aubdue any ex- 
of impauence or aufferlag, were quite 
It was caiy to see, in the ahrinking of ihe 
tod the drawing of the bcd-clothep ovet the 
how acute the endurance waa, and it made 
ik Con, at if i were in pain ; but, when the 
lagea were oe, and the poor feet were 
■gdin, he made an Bpoldgy for himself 
leh he had not uttered a. word), and said 
itively, " I am so tender and weak, you see. 
Neither irotn him norirom anyone lufferer 
kcbc whole ghastly number, did J hear a corn- 
It- or thankfulness for present solicitude and 

I heflrd much j cf complaint, not a word. 

think 1 could have recogni&ed in the dismalest 

iclon there, the ghost of a. aoldier. Something 

le old aif was still latent in the palest shadow 

fe I laliied Co. One emaciated creature, ha the 

teat literalicy worn ta the bone, lay stretched on 

[back, looking so like death that I ulced one of 

I doctors if )ie were not dying, or dead? A few 

woni« from the doctor, in hi& ear, and he 

hi> cycii, and amilcd — looked, in a moment, 

would have made a talutc, if he could, 

pull him through, plca&e God," said the 

" Plaic God, aurr, and thankye," said 

ptdcnt. " Vou are much better ttj^y ; are 




104 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEl 



you not?" said the Doctor " Plasc God, _ 
'da the alape I want, suit j 'ris my breathin* n 
the nighu so long." " He is h careful fellow 
you muBt know," pajd the Doctor, checrfijlly } 
was raining hard when they put him in the 
cEcrt to bring him here, and he had the prcscD 
Blind to ask tn have a sovereign taken out 
pocket that he had there, and a cab ei 
Probably it saved hia lite." The patient rattle 
the skeleton oi r laugti, and said, prtiud of the 
" 'Deed, surr, an open cairt was a cojnicsil HI 
bringin' a dyin' man here, and a clever way to 
him." You might have sworn to Mm for ■ >o' 
when he said it. 

One thing had perplexed me very much in 
from bed to bed, A very significant and 
thing. I could find no young man but one. H 
had attracted my notice, by having got up m 
dressed himself in hia soldier's jacket and troQin 
with the intendon of sitting by the fire ; but he ha 
found Hmself too weak, and had crept back to 
bed and laid himself down on the outside of it. 
could have pronounced him, alone, to be a y 
man aged bv famine and sickness. As wc wen! 
Standing by the Irish soldier's bed, I mentioned mji 
perplexity to the Doctor. He took a board wirii 
an inscription on it from the head of the IrishmuiV 
bed, and asked irc what age 1 siipposeii that tiuie 
10 be ? r had observed him with attention while 
talking to him, and answered, confidently, " Fifty/' 
The Doctor, with a pitying glance at the padeni 
Miho had dropped into a stupor again, put the b 
back, and said, " Twenty-four," 

All the atrangemcnts ot the wards were CX 
t. They could not have been more humane 
ising, gent!?, attendv 




4 OH; 
10^ 

xm 



rmesa. of the ship, too, had done all ihey 
liberally. There were bright tirea in every 
d the convalescent men were sitting roiuid 
reaciing varioas papers and periodicaU, I 
; liberty of bviting my aitcial friend Pan- 
look at thoac ccmvslcscent men, and to tell 
ther iheir faces and bearing were or were 
merally, the faces and bearing of steady 
ble iioldiers? The master of the work- 
overheariiig me^ said he had had a pretty 
xpcrience of troops, and that better con- 
men than theae, he had never bad to do 
They were always (he added) as we saw 
And of us visitors (I add) they knew noth- 
«cvcT, except that we were there. 
la audacious m me, but I took another liberty 
■ngloaB. Prefacing h with the observation 
" course, I tncw beforehand that there was 
I faintest desire, anywhere, id htish up any 
this drcadHil business, and that the Latjuest 
; fairest of all possible (nquesis, I besought 
ingj of Panglo»a. Firstly, to olbacrvc that 
|ueM ttias not htld in that plate, but at some 
z otF. Secondly, to look round cpon t!bo9C 
I gpccTTCS ia their beda. Thirdly, to re- 
r that the witnesses produced from an>ong 
cfore that Inquest, could not bjivc been se- 
because they were the men who had the 
i tell it, but because they happened to be id 
■dmittiiig of their safe removaL Fourthly, 
whether the coroner and Jury conld have 
there, to those pillows, and taken a little 
re.' My olhtial iriend declined to commit 
'lo a reply. 

waa a sergeant, reading, in one of thcfire- 
Ai he Wiu a man of very intelligent 





ta6 THE UNCOMMERCU^ TRAVELLE] 

countenance, and as I have a great respect for 
commissioned oIBcctb wt 2 clsiit, I sat down on 
nearest bed, to have some talk with him. (It 
the bed of one of the grisliest of the poor gkclei 
And hi died soon afterwards.) 

" I was glad to see^ in the evidence of an of 
at the Inquest, sergeant, tiiac he never saw men 
have better on board ship than these men." 

"They did behave very well, sir," 

** I wa^ glad to sec, nni, that every man bi 
haininock-." 

The sergeant gravely shook his bead. " T 
mua: be some mistake, sir. The men of my 
mess had tio hamrfiocks. There were not 1 
mocks enough oti board, and the men oi the 
next messes laid hold at' hammocks for thema 
as soon as they got on boardj and scjueeaed my 
■Out, HE I may say." 

" Had the squeezcd-out luctt none thee i 

" None, sir. As men died, thar hamm 
fwere used by other men, who wanted hamraoc 
(but many men had none at atl." 

"Then you don't agree with the evidcoec 
that point ? " 

"Certainly not, «r. A man CMi*i» wh< 
know-s to the contrary." 

"Did any of the men sell their beddinf 
drink?" 

"There is liome nuBtafcc on that point too; 
Men were under the impression — I knew it 
.fiict at the time— that it was not aJlowed to 
alanlcets or bedding on board, and so men who 
lh!i>g» of that son came to sell them purpoiely, 

" Did any of chc men sell thtJr ctothei 
drinh ? " 

'" They did» air." 1 1 believe (here never 



Hmesa than the sergeant. He had 
m TO make out a case.) 
f" 

nr" (coDwdering the ejuestion). "Sol- 
They had been long mai-chiitg in the 
I, by bad roids — ^no roads at all, in than 
a they ^t to Calcutta, men turned to 
before taiing a last look at it. Soldier^ 

u see any men in thia wurd^ for exam- 

Ad cloches for drink at that time?" 
jeant's wan eye, happily just beginning 
nrith health, travelled round the place 
act to me. " Certainly, sir." 
lafching to Calcutta in the rainy teiaoii 
>een levercf " 
very leverci sir." 

Mt with the rest and the eca 3ir» I should 
hi that the men (even th« men who got 
lid have soon begun to recover on board 

y might ; but the bad food told upon 
when we got into a cold latitude, it be- 
tnore, uid the men dropped.'* 
ick hdd & general dis]nrclinadi>n for food, 
■ergcant ? ** 

yoiu lecn. the food, air ? *' 
Qf it." 
you seen the *ta[e of their mouthi, 

rgcint, who was a roan of a few orderly 
ipoken the amount of this wolomie, h<s 
have settled that question better, I bc- 
ick could ai loon have eaten the &hip, at 
iroviuons. 

■ddicional liberty with roy ^end 



loS THR iraCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLE 

Pangldjs, when I had Ifft the sergeant whh 
wishes, of" asking Panglosa whether he hid 
heard of biscuit getting drunk, and barterii 
nutridou* qtiflliries tor putrefaction and vtrtnii 
peoa becoming hardened m liquor ; of ham' 
drinking thenuelves oft" the face of the earth 
lime'pice, vegetables, vinegar, cooking accq 
dation, water supply, and beer, aU taking m \ 
ing together and going to ruin ? "If not (1 
him), what did he say in defence vf the c 
coodemned by the Coroner's Jury, who, by ij 
the General Inspection report lelatiTe to th 
Great Taamaniaj chartered for these troop* 
deliberately asserted aJ! that bad and poi» 
dunghill refuse, to be good and wholesome foi 
My official friend replied thai it was a rcma 
f^ctj chat whereas some officers were only 
tively good, and other officers only cornpara 
better, those particular officers were superla 
the very best of all possible officers. 

My hand and my heart fail me, iH vmuz 
record of this journey. The spectacle of tK 
dien in the hospital-beds of that Liverpool 
house (a very good worthoufte, indeed, be it 
>tDDd), was JO shocking find so Bhamefid, (hat 
£n£;l;shTnan I blush to remember it. It 
have been amp!y unbearable at the time, 
the considci^tioii and pity with which they 
soothed in their sufferings. 

No pcnishmenr tliat our inefftcicni laws p: 
is worthy of the name when set against thi 
of this trjmsaclion. But, if the ineniory of 
out unavenged, and if :t do not result in the 
ofable diamissal and disgrace of those who i 
sponaible for it, their escape will be infainoiiii 
uovernraent (no matter of what party) tl 



Jts duty^ and mfiimcius to the nation that 
such intolerable wrong to be done in 



Chapter IX 

CITY OS LONDON CHURCHGt 

KrB&tisioti that I have Dfisn travelled from 
iovcnt Garden lodging of mine on Sati- 
jld give offence ta those who never travel 
lys, they will be satisfied (I hope) by my 
Mt ihs journeys in question were made to 

Lat I have any ciiriosicy to hear powcrHil 
. Time was, when I was dragged by the 
ay head, as oce may say, to Iiear too 
Dn sumnncr evenings, when every flower, 
and bird, might have better addrcased my 
ig heart, I have in my day been caught in 
"of a female hand by the crown, have been 
icrubbed from the neck to the rcots of the 
purification for the Temple, and have then 
tied off highly charged with «apon»ccou8 
', to be steamed like a potato in the nn- 
, breath of the powerful BoBncrgea Boiler 
wngregarion, until what small mind I had, 
: steamed out of me. In which pitiabk 
have been haled out of the place of mcct- 
le conciuaion of the exerciser, and cate- 
Bpccdng Boanerges Boiler, his fifthly, his 
tnd bia seventhly, until I have regarded 
nd person in the light of a most dismal 
««lve Charade. Time was, when I was 
platform assemblages at which no hu- 



no THE UHCOMMERCIAl^ TRAVECI>Bll 



mui child* whether of wrath or grace, could 
bly keep its eyes open, and when I feh 
sleep stealing, stealing over me^ and when 
ally heard the orator in posscsaioo, spinning 
humming tike a great top, until he rolled, collapi 
and tumbled over, and I discovered to my bu 
shame and fear, that as to that last ecage it na> i 
he, but I. I have sat under Boanerges whenj 
has apccifically addreajed himself to us — -UJ, 
infants — and at this present wiidng I hear hi» 
bcring jocularity (which never amused ui 
wc baaety pretended that it did), and I 
big round face^ and I look up the inside of ha'' 
stretched coat-sleeve as if ii were a teleacope 
the itopper on, and I hste him with an unwho 
some hatred for two hours. Through such m< 
did it come to pass, that I Itnew the yowt 
preacher from be^nning to end, all over and 
through, while I waf very young, and that I 
him behind at an early period of life. Peace ! 
with hijn ! More peace than he brought to me ! 

Now, I have heard many preachers since 
dme — not powerfui ; merely Chrisdan, unafieetB 
and reverential — and I have had many juch prti 
crs on my roll of iiiends. But, it was not lo ' 
these, any more than the poweiiul clasij that 
made my Sunday journeys. They were joujtic 
of eurioiity to the numerous churches in ihc C^ 
of Iiondon. It came into my head one day, hi 
had I been cultivating a familiarity with all 
churches of Rome, and I knew nothing of the 
sides of the old churches of London ! This be 
«n a Sunday morning. I began my expec 
that very same day, and they lasted me a year. 

I never wanted to know the namca of 
churches to which I went^ and to this hour 1 



foandiy ignorant In that particular of at least 

r-tcntfas of them. Indeed, saving that 1 know 

church of old Gower's Comb (he lies in cffigj/ 

his head upon bis books) to be the church of 

St Saviour's, Southwark ; and the church of 

LTOn's tomb 10 be the church of Cripplegate ; 

the church on Cornhilil wich the great golden 

fM to be the eharch of Saint Peter j I doLbt if I 

Id pass a compedtive examination in any of the 

No (juesdon did I ever ask of Hving crca- 

concerning these dmrcbes, and no answer to 

■ndquaiian qoestioa on the jubjcct that J ever 

to books, shfllJ harass the reader's aoul. A lull 

of my pleasure in them arose out of their 

mysterious I found them ; my&tcrious 

jhall lemain for me, 

(Where shall I begin my round of hidden and 

ten old churches in the City of London i 
III b twenty minnies short of eleven on a Sun- 
momLng, when J Btroll down one of the many 
3W billy streets in the City that tend due aotutli 
the Thames. It is my first experiment, and J 
com? to the re^on of Whittington in an om- 
IS, and we have put down a fierce-eyed spare 
woman, whose slate coloured gown smells of 
«id who walked up Alderagate-street to 
chapel where she comforts herself w!th brim- 
doctrine, 1 warrant. We have also put down 
Iter and sweeter old lady, with a pretty large 
•book in an unfolded pocket-handkerchief, 
got out at a corner of a court near Stationers' 
I, and who I think rnust go to church there, 
eauK «be ia the widow of some dcceaaed old 
-ompany't Beadle. The rest of our freight were 
cJiancc pleasure-seekers and rural walkers, 
went on to the Blackwall railway. So many 




tl3 THS. UNCOUMBRCIAI. TRAVELLER 



beiit are risgiBg;, when I uxad tuMiectded 
, •irect comer, tiiat cveiy skccp iu the ecclcsii 
' fiild m%bt be a bdi-wcthcr. The discoz ' 
' &xritil. Mj state of indedsifni u ccferable toJ 
iboDt equally divisible among, fc»ur grm chi 
tshicli 2re a]l uicirun sight and sotuid, aU 
the spzce of a. few square yards. 

Ab I Btand »t the street corner, J don't 
cnany at fbor people at once going to church, 
I see aj many as four churches with their stc 
clamouring for people. I choose my churcb, 
go up the Eight of steps lo the great eutrauG 
the tower. A mouldy tower withm, and 
neglected waahhouse. A rope comes tlirougl 
beamed roof, and a man in the conicr pulls icj 
clashes the bell — a whity-hrowD man, w| 
< clothes were once black — a mas with flue on 
and cobweb. He stares at me^ wondering h( 
come thcre^ acd I stare at bim, wondering ho^ 
i comea there. Through a screen of wood 
jglass, I peep into :he dim church. About n 
people are diBcemiblc, waiting to begin. Ct 
ing would seem to have iaded out of this 
long ago, for the font iias the du&t of dc9U< 
^ick upon iti and its wooden cover (ihapcd 
fOi old-rashianed tureen-cover) look* as if it wc 
jp'c come off, upon requirement. I perceive thi 
altar to be rickety and the CommandmentB damp 
imciicg alier this survey, I joide the clergymu 
in hia canomcals, who h entering too from a dai 
Uni behind a pew of state with curtains, wl 
nobody »it4. The pew is omametited \vith 
[clue wanda, once carried by four somebody 
jupposc, before somebody else, but which the 
sobody now to hold or receive honour ^ci 
ofax the door of a iamlLy pew, and ahui m) 



f 

11 CO 



MCOMMBRCIAL THAI 



coold occcpv tweat)' Jamily pews at once 
I iuve Lacm. The dcrk, a brisk jroung man 
fJoea A^ coijic here ?), gkncea at me Imowr 
||;who should say, " Vou have dooe it now [ 
^K sup." Organ plays. OrgaE'lofr U in 
ll^Iciy 3cro:ss the churcJi ; gsllcry coogrc- 
iwo £itls. I wonder within Eiiy»elf what 
when wc are required co sfng. 
til E pale heap of books in the comoc of 
id while the organ, wldch is haanT and 
tyi ta sucik fashiDn thai I can bear more 
i:y w-arkiiig of the hWps than of any 
jk At the Ixioks, which are mosdy bound 
and fltu^, Xhcy bcIoDgccl m 17S4* 
rgite famiiy j and wha were they ? jan^ 
must have married Young Dowgate, and 
inlt* the &mi]y that way ; Young Dowgite 
mning jane Comport when he gave her her 
-book, and recorded the prcsentadon in the 
'i if jane were ibnd of Young Dowgate, 
|hc die and leave the book here ? Per- 
K rickety ahar, uid before the damp 
cnts, abe. Comport, had taken him, 
,in a Hush of youthful hope and jQy, and 
had not turned out in tbe long nm u 
tuccesi aj waa cipectcd } 

5g of the service recaJb my wander- 
I then find, to my aBtoniahnicPt, 
been, uid £til] am, taking a strong kind 
ranff, up my noftc, into my eyes, and 
throat. I wink, sqi?czci and cough, 
laeezesi the clergyman winks; the un- 
it sneezes 2nd cougti& (and probably 
II o^r little party wink^ tnecze, and 
The anuff seem* to be made of the decay 
dotb, stone, iron, earth, acd 




Bvrbee 



il4 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVI 



vha 



iomethiRg die. Is the something else. ' 
of dead citizens in the vauha below ? 
Dnth it is ! Not only in the cold dampl 
day, do we cough and! sneeze dead 
through the Bervlce^ but dead citizens hat 
the very bellowa of the organ, and half cho 
tame. We Btamp our feet to warm thcmjj 
cidzens arise in heavy cloads^ Dead cjt 
upon the walla, and lie piulverf&ed on the 
board over the clergyman^s head, and, whfl 
of air comes, tumble down upon him» 

In thta first experience I was so niv 
too much Snuff, made of the Dowgatc &*i 
Comport branch, and other families and bf 
that I gave but little heed to our duU mu 
■mbling through the service ■ lo the 
manner of encouraging us to try a note 
psalm time ; to the galleTy-congregation^ 
of enjoyiitg r shrill duet, without a node 
or tune ; to the whity-hrown man's 
abutting the minister into the pulpit, and bd 
particular with the lock of the door, as ifj 
a dangerous animal. But, I tried again* 
day, and soon accustomed myself to the 
zens when I found that J could not poisibh 
without them among the City churches. 
Another Sunday. _ 

After being again rung for by conflicflfl 
like a leg of mutton or a laced hat a hunt 
igo, I mate selection of a church oddly^ 
in a comer among a number of lanes- 
church than the last, and an ugly : of 
date of Queen Anne. As a congregatic 
fbuneen strong : not counting an exhaust 
ichool in a gallery, which has dwindle 
four boys, and two girls. In the pMch^i 



oei 

J 



i^ 



loavcft of bfcad, which there would seem 
body left in the exhausted congregation to 
d which I saw an exhausted beadle, long 

uf imifortn, eating «'ith his eyes for self 
ly when I passed in. There is also an 

clerk in a brown wig, and two or three 

doors and windows have been bricked 
rhe service boots are musty, and the pul- 

ns are threadbare, and rhe whole of die 
anUtvirc is m a very advanced stage of cx- 

We are three old women (habimal), 
ig lovers (accidental), two tradesmen, one 
lie and one alone, an aunt and nephew, 
girls (these two girls dressed out for 
ith everything about them limp that should 

d vJC£ v/rsa, arc an invariable ciperi- 
id three sniggpring boys. The clergyman 
■s, the chaplain of a civic company ; he 
loist and vinous look, and eke the bulbous 
one acquainted with 'Twenty port, and 
,tages. 

re so quiet in our dulness that the three 
[ bqya, who' havc got away into a comer 
itar-railing, give us a start, like crackcrB, 
' they laugh. And this renninds me of my 
igc church where, during sermon-time on 

daye when the birds we very musical in- 

era' boys palter oiii over the stone pave- 

the clerk steps out from his desk after 
d IS distinctly heard in the summer repose 

and punch them in the chtij-chyard, and 
to return with a meditative countenance. 
)elicve that nothing of the sort has bap- 
The aunt and nephew in this City church 

diiturbed by the sniggering boys. The 

bimKlf a boy, and the sniggcrcrs tempt 




6 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRA* 



Ti 

md 9tni 



him to secular dioughta of marbles and 
set-Tctly offering sudrh commodities to Ms c 
contemplation. Thii young Saint Anthony 
while resiats, but presently becoTnea a backs 
and in dumb show defies the sniggerers to " ht 
a maTble or two in his direciion. Herein he 
teetcd by the aunt (angorDii& reduced gentlew 
who has the charge of offices), and I perceiv. 
worthy reladvc to poke hiro in the side, wii 
corrugated hooked handle of an ancienE urol 
The aephew revenges himseU' for this, by h( 
hii breuh and terrifying hi5 kinhwonaan wi 
dread belief that he has made up his mind to 
Regardless of whispers and shakes, he Bwel 
becomes discoloured^ and yet again awells ac 
comes discoloured, until the aunt can bear 
longer, bu^ leads him out, with no visible nee) 
with hid eyea going before him lake a 
This causes the soiggercrs to regard fli^ 
digible move, and J know which of them 
out firsti because of the over-devout attentio, 
he suddeiily concentrates on the clergymand 
little while, this hypocrite, with so. ckbor^ 
onsu^tioQ of hushing his rc>ocstcp&, and with 
generally expressive of having until now 
a religious appointment elsewhere, u goae.i 
ber two gets out in the same way, bi 
quicker. Nuniber three getting £afely to 
there turns reckless, and hanging it open, 
with a Whoop ! that vibraEcs to the toi 
tower above ue. 

The clergyman, who i> of ■ prandial pri 
and a muflkd voice, may be scant of hcarj 
v.'vll as of breath, b>jt he only glances up, m 1 
an idea chat somebody has said Amen in a i 
place, and coatiaues his steady jog-tiot, „ 



^^ 



"7 



lo market. He does all 
easy way, and gives 



lie 



going 
|JD the Same easy way, an0 gives UB a 
in, &dll like the jog-troi of the farmer'a 
lJcvcI road. lis drowsy cadence soon 
rcc old women asleep, snd the lamnaT' 
lan ELts looking oui: at window^ and 
led tradesman gks looking at hii wife's 
od the lovers Bit looking at one another, 
ativdy happy, that 1 mind when J, turned 
went with, my Angelica to a. City 
laccouat of a shqwcr (by thi& special 
that it WW in Huggin4aDe), and when 
ly Angelica, ♦♦ Let the blessed event, 
:\ir ix no altar but this ! " and when 
consented that it should occur at do 
:h it tertainly never did, for it never 
lywherc. And O, Angelica, what has 
if you, thii present Sunday morning when 
id to the sermon ; and, more diiEcuIt 
in that, what hua become of Me u I 
sat by your aide ! 
jireceivc the aigual to make that unaiii- 
jrwhich surely is a little conventional — 
ige rujtlinga and settlings and clearings 
ind noses, wiiich are never dispensed 
rtain points of the Church senice, and 
Id to be necessary under any other oir- 
In a minute more it is all over, and 
expresses liself to be a$ glad of it as it 
>r anyihitig in its rheumatic state, and in 
ninutc we arc all of ua out of the church, 
^-brown bai locked it up. Another 
kliiile more, and, in the neighbouring 
-not the vard of that church, but of 
churchyard like a great »habby old 
)j.t vvtih two trees in it and one comb 



IiS THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRA 




— I meet Whity-brown, in his 

fetching a pint of beer for his dinner 
lie-house in the corner, where the lie) 
ting firC'Iadderj are kept and were uc\ 
and where there is a ragged, wliite-ses 
elbowed bagatelle board on the first I3( 

In one of these Cliy churches, and o 
found on indivldiial who might have bes 
as eipresaly a City personage. I rem* 
church, by the feature that the clergyma 
get to his own desk without going di 
clerk's, or couIdn^t get to the pulpit witl 
through the reading-desk — 1 forget whit 
is no matter — and by the picsence of this 
among the exceedingly sparse con| 
doubt if we were a dozen, and we 
hausted charity school to help us outi 
sonage was dressed in black of squi 
was stricken in years, and wore a blac 
and cloth shoes. He was of a staid, wen 
dissatisfied aspect. In his hand, he cot 
church a mysterious child: a child of ihi 
gender. The child had a beaver but 
drab pluree that surely never belotif 
of the air. The child was further 
nankeen ^ck and spencer, brown boxi 
and a veil. It had a blemish^ in the 
currant jelly^ on its chin ; and was a. thl: 
Insomuch thai the personage carried in hi 
green bottle, from which, when the first i 
given out, the child was openly refteshei 
other times throughout the service it Wi 
lesB, and stood on the seat of the large pe 
fitted into the comer, like a rain-water 

The personage never opened hii 
luDkrd si the clergyman. Hf nevj 



fcut stood with his arms leaning on the top 

pesv, a^nd his forebe^d eomcriincs shaded 

is right band, aJways looking at the church 

It was a long church for a church of in 

id he wa» at the upper end, but he always 

at th« door. That he was an old book- 

or an old trader wlio had kept his own 

mnd that he might be seen at the Bank of 

d about Dividend times, no doubt. That he 

ed In the City all his life and was disdainful 

localities, no doubt. Why he looked at 

or, I never absolute])' proved, but it is my 

|ut he lived in expectation of the time when 

urns would come back to live in die City, and 

cot glories would be renewed. He appeared 

ict chat this would occur oQ a Sunday, ^nd 

; wanderers would firs: appear, in the dcacrted 

a, peoltent and humbled. Hence, he looked 

door which they never darkened. Whose 

he child was, whether the child of a dJun- 

tbughter, or tome parish orphan whom the 

:ge had adopted, there was nothing to lead 

It never played, or skipped, or smiled. 

the idea occurred to mc that it was an au- 

, and ibac the perBonage had made it ; but 

Dg the atrange couple out one Sunday, I 

the pcraoragc say to it, "* Thirteen thousand 

* to which it added in a weak human 

" Seventeen and fourpence." Four Sund&ys 

wed them out, and this is all 1 ever heard or 

:m say. One Sunday, I followed diem 

They Hved behind a pump, and the per^ 

opened their abode with an exceeding large 

The one solitary inscription on their house 

to a firc'plyg. The house was partly un- 

pd by a deserted and closed gateway ; ita 



I20 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



wmdows were blind with dirt; and it itood nith 
'its face dlBcopsDlately turned to a wall. Five groH 
thurcheft and two small OTiea rang their Sunday 
bells briween thJs house and the church the coup!* 
frequented, so they must have had some «[ 
reason for going a quiffter of a mUe to it. 
la^i: time I saw them, was on this wise. I 
been to explore another church at a dist 
• tnd happened to pass the church they frei^uei 
*t about two of the afiemoon when that edifice^ 
closed. But, a little side-door, which I had nil 
ohaervcd before, stood open, and disclosed certain 
tcllarous steps. Methoughi " They are airing the 
Vaults to-day," when the personage and the child 
jilcndy arrived at the st*pB, and silently dccended. 
Of course, I came to the conclusion that the pet- 
ionage had at last despaired of the lookcd-for retuni 
of the penitent citizens, and that he and the 
♦rent down to get themselves bwried. 

In the cmirBc of my pilgrimages I came upon^ 
obflnire church which had broken out in the rndo-' 
dramatic style, and was got up with various tawdty 
decorations, much after the manner of the citintt 
X^indon may-poles. These attractions had induced 
jeveral young priests or deacons m black bibs fot 
'nraistcoats, and jcveral yming ladies intcrceted in 
that holy order (the proportion being, as I cstl- 
inated, acventrcn young ladles to a deacon), to 
come into the City as a new and odd excitement, 
It waa wonderful to see how these young people 
pkyed out their little play in the heart of the Cn 
all among themselves, without the deserted 
' knowing anything about it. It was as if yoo : 
tike *n empty courting^house on a Sunday, anc 
one of the old Mysteries there. They had 
pressed a small school (fram what neighbourJ 



■cuini 

1 

nm 



rrRAVELLER 121 



r) to assist in (he perfofniances, and it 

t to notice franac garlands of inacriprion 

tils, especially addressing those poor in- 

ehiriictei-s impossible for them to deci- 

lere was a remarkably agreeable amcU of 

this congregation, 
other cases, rot and mildew aod dead 
tncd the uppermost scent, while, infu»ed 
dreamy way not at all displeasing, was 
hairactcr of' ihe ntigliboiirhood. In the 
bout Marlt-knc, for example, there was 
'of wheal; and I accidentally sirucit an 
; of barley out of an aged hassoclt in one 
From Rood-lane to Tower-sireetj and 
, there was often a Bubtle flavour of 
ctirrcSjof tea. One church near Minc- 
elt like a druggist's drawer. Behind (he 
the service had a flavour of damaged 
hich, a little further down towards the 
cred into hernnga, and gradually toned 
nopolitan blast of fish. In one church, 
rountcrpart of tlie church in the Rate's 
'here the hero is being mwricd tn the 
I lady, there was no speciality of atmoi- 
il the organ shook a perfume of hides all 
mi tome adjacent warehouse, 
cent what it would, however, there was 
ty in the people. There were never 
them to represent any calling or ncigh- 
They had nil gone elsewhere over- 
the few stragglers in the many churches 
there inexpressively. 
the Uncommercial travels in which I 
;ed, this year of Sundav travel occupies 
ICC, apart from all the rest. Whether I 
;e church where the sails of the ovstef- 




132 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 




boats in thr iivtr almost flapped agaitiat the ' 
or of the church where the raitrokd made the 
hum as the train rushed by above the roof, i rrtilt 
8 cunoii9 cxpemnce. On summer Sundays* in lit 
gentle rain or the bright sunshine — either, da 
mg the idleness of the idle City— 1 hsve sat, it 
lingular silence which belongs to resting-j 
usually aicir, in scores of buildings at the hea 
the world's metropolis^ unkaowu to far 
numbers of people apeakitig the English to 
than the ancienT edifices of the Eternal City, 
Pyramids of Egypt. The dark vestries and 
tries into which I have peeped, and the 
hemmed-in chujchyards thai have echoed to BSJ 
(eel, have left impressions on my memory u dii- 
tinci and quaint as any it has in that way rccciTed- 
Iji all those dujtv registers that the Tvorijis arc ell' 
ing, there h not a Sine but made some heant leap 
or BDme tears How, in their day. Sti^l and dirj 
BOW, still and dry ! and the old tree at the vptndiHl 
with no room for its branches, hai seen them il 
out. So with the tomb of the old Master of thi 
old Company, on which It drips. His son reatord 
it and died, his daughter restored it and died, UM 
then he had been remembered long cnougfap iM 
the tree took possession of him, and hia 
cracked outi 

There are few more striking indications of 
changes of manners and customs (hat two or thtM 
hundred years have brought about, than these di: 
serted churches. Many of them are handsome an 
costly structures, several of them were designed ^ 
Wren, many of them arose from the aahci of w 
great fire, others of them outlived the plague ad| 
the fire too, to die a slow death in these later 
No one can be wrt of the coming time ; bol < 






if^aia 



] 



too tnuth to s.ay of k thai It has no sign in Us 

nng tides, of the reflux to these ctiiirthea of 

dr con^rcgadons ind uses. They remain like 

Tombs of tliL* old ciUzen» who lie beneath iLem 

around ihein. Monuments of anolher age. 

'tey arc wortli a. Sunday -CJiploradon, now and 

I,, for ihcy yet echo, not Linhiirmonioiisly, to the 

Vthca die City of London really was Loadon : 

the 'Prentices and TraJaed Bauds were of 

in ihe state ; when eVen the Lord Miyor 

' wai a Reality— not 2 Ficdon conventionally 

:d on cine day in the year by lllusiriouj 

idsp who no less convendonally laugh at him 

icinaiiiiog three hundred and sixty-fbgr d^yg. 



Chapter X 

SHV NEIGKBOUJtfiOOD^ 

nuch of my travelling is done on foot, that 

I chcri&hcd belting propcnsidea, I should 

j|y be found registered iii Jipcrdng newapapen 

■omc such ritle as the Elasdc Novice, chal- 

at! elcvei) stone mankind to competition in 

;. My last special feat was turning out of 

two, alter a hard davi pedestrian and other- 

t, and walking thirty miles into the country to 

k£iat. The road was so lotiely in the night, 

I fcU wieep to the monotojious sound of my 

tirct, doing their regular four miles an hour. 

: aitcr mils 1 walked, withtjut the slightest seme 

'exeitioa, doxiag heanly and dreaming constantly. 

, trai only when I made a stumble like a drunken 

struck out into the road to avoid a horsc- 

upoTi me on the path — who had no CX- 




124 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLI 



iBtetice^ — xhii 1 cBtne to myself and looked 
The day broke mistily (it w« Rutumn dmc), 
couSd not disembarrass myself of the idea lh« 
to cUinb those heights and banks cf cloud, ui< 
ihcje was an Alpine Convent somewhere 
the &11B, where I was gcang to breakfast. 
sleepy notion was so inijc)i txrongcr ihza sue 
Btaiitial objects as vUUges aod haystacks, that^j 
the sue wa& up ajid bright, ai^d when I was 
cient]y awake to have a sense of pleasure 
prospect, I still occa&ioQally caught my&elf 1c 
about for wooden srms to point the right tri 
the mountain, and wondering there was no 
yet. It h 2 curioAtty of brokeo sleep tha£ I 
immense quantities of veraea on that pedestni 
casion (of course 1 never make any ^vheli I 
my right senses), and that I spoke a certain \aa\ 
cncc pretty familiar id tne, but which I have 
Ibrgolten from disuie, with fluCBcy. Of bothl 
phenomena I have such frequent experience a 
stale between sleeping and waking, that 1 »niS 
rimes argue with my&elf that 1 know 1 cannc 
awake, for, if I were, I should not he half so i 
The readiness is rot imaginary^ because 1 ofl< 
cbII long strings of the verges, and many tur^ 
the fluent speech, after I am broad awake^ 

My wafkirg is of two kinds : one, atiaigl 
end to a definite goal it a round pace; one, ol 
less, Itatcring, and purely vagabond. Jd the 
itatc, no gipsy c^n e*rth is a greater vagabond , 
myself; it is so natural to mc, and strong wk 
that I think I must be ihe desccndaDt, at no 
dJBtanee, of some irreclaiouble iramp. 

One of riie plcaaantest things I have tatel 
with, in a vtcgabond course of shy metr 
neighbourhoods and small shopi, i» the fancl 



agtoq 

4 



IE UNCaMMERCIAL TRAVELLER II5 



ble artist, as tx«np!ified in two portraits reprc^ 
initing Mr. Thomas Saycre, of Great Britain, and 
Vlr. John Hecnan, of the United States of America, 
rh«s.e illiasTTJous mfn are highly coloured in light- 
Bg mm, and fighting altitude. To suggeac ihe 
tMSlors] and meditative nature of their peaceful calE- 
Kig, Mr. Heenan is rcprcaeated on emerald sward, 
primroses and other modest flowers springing 
ndcr the heels of his half-hoqis ; while Mr, 
s is impelled to the administraiion of hia 
itc blow, the Auctioneer, by the silent elo- 
e of a village church. The humble homes of 
nd, with their domejiic virtues and honcy- 
porchca, urge both heroes to go in and win ; 
tnd ibe \aik and other singing birds are observable 
in the upper aJFj ccglaiicalty carolling their thanks 
« Heaven for a iight. On the whole, the associa- 
ficna enrwincd ivi[h the pugilistic art by this anise 
iJtre much in the manner of Izaak Walton. 
' But* it is with the lopver animals of back Streets 
lOnl by-ways that my present purpose rests. For 
httman notei we may return to luch neighbourhoods 
when teisure and opporturtity aerre. 

Nothing in shy neighbourhoods perplexes my 
imEnd more, than the had company birds keep. 
'Fweigp btrdj often get into good society, but Brit- 
iih birdj arc inseparable from low asiociates. There 
|b 1 whole street of thcra in St. Giles's ; and I al- 
»riy» find them in poor and immoral nelghbotir- 
|fctpodj» convenient to the public'hoase and the 
•<n\^.nf>rnl;er's. Thcy 8eem to lead people into 
, and even the man who makes their cages 
jjcta into a chronic state of black eye. Why 
h f Also, they will do things for people in 
-ikiried veU'eteen coats with bone buttons, *k 
fed wai8tcoat5 snd fur caps, whkk iK^ eat 



J36 THE UNCOMMERCEAI. TRAVELL 




not be peraujtded by the rcspcciCable orders of 
ety to underuke. In a dirty court iti Spitatfi* 
once, I found a goldfinch drawing his own 
and drawirg as much of it 9s if he -were in 
aummg Jcver. Thar goldfincii lived at 3 bird- 
and offered, in writing, ;o barter himself again^ 
clothes, empty bottles, or even kitchen Btmff", 
a low thing and a depraved taste in any fincl 
bought that gcldHnch for moriey. He vn% 
home, and hung upon a nail over agajnsl my 1 
He lived oiuside a cotmterfcH dwelling-houKJ 
posed (as J argued) to be a dyer's i other? 
would have been impossible 10 account farhii| 
sticking out of ihe garrcl window. From th< 
of his appearance in my room, cither he le 
being thirsty — which was not in the bond- 
could not muke up his mind to hc&r his little 
drop back into his well when he let it go : a ' 
which in the best of ti:nes had made him trc 
He drew no water but by stealth and unt 
[cloak of night. After an interval of futile 
length hopeless expectation, the merchant w\ 
educated him was appealed to. The mcrchat 
a bow-legged character, with a flat and cu< 
nose, like the last new strawberry. He worej 
cap, and shorts, and waa of the velveteen , 
velveteeny. He tent word that he would 
round." He looked roundj appeared in the' 
way of the room, and slightly cocked up h| 
eye at the goldfinch. Instantly h raging thirstj 
that bird ; when it was appeased, he still dre^ 
cral unnecessary buckets of water; and 
leaped about his perch and aharpened his billj 
he had been to the nearest wine vaults 
drunk. 

Dginkcys again. 1 know bhy ncighboui 



Donkey goes in at the stree: door^ and 
o [JVC up.stajrs, for I have exammcd the 
irom over ihe palings, and have been un- 
it him out. GeniJIiiy, nobiJity, Royalty, 
ipcal lo that donkey in vain to da what he 
a costcrmonger. Feed him with oats at 
it price, pu: an inikni prince and princess 
of panmcra on liis back, adjust his delicate 
to A nicety, take him to the softest slopes 
lor, and try what pace you can get our of 
hen, starve him^ harness him Bnyhovv lo a 
h a flat tray on it, and sec him bowl from 
tpel to Bayswacer. There appears to be 
ular piivate anderatanding between birds 
Leys, in a state of nature ; but b the shy 
rhood ttate, you shall see them always in 
handfi and always developing th«ir very 
■gies for the very worst company. I have 
donkey— by sight ; wc were not on spcalc- 
I — who lived over on the Surrey side of 
)ridge, among the fastnesses of Jacob's 
id Poclthead, It was the habit of that 
rhen his services were not in immediate 
1, lo go out alone, idling. I have met 
Ue from his place of residence, loitering 
8treeC3 ; and the expression of his counte- 
such times was most degraded. He was 
lo the establishment of an elderly lady 
periwinkles,, and he used to stand on Sat- 
lits with a cartful of those delicacies outside 
t pricking up hia ears when a customer 
he cart, and (oo evidently deriving satls- 
ith the knowledge that they got bad mcaa- 
]nia.iresa was sometimes ovcruken by in- 
Tlie Uttt time I ever saw bim (ahoiir Jive 
»} h« was in circumstances of difficulty. 



tse THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL! 



cftu»ed by thU ^Uag. Having been left 
ihc cirt of pcriwbklcsj and forgocten, he 

idling. He prowleti among his usual lo 
for somt nin«, gratifying his depraved :as 
not talcing the can into his calculations, he 
ourcd to turn up a narrow alley, and became- 
involved. He was caken into custody by 
lice, md, the Green Yard of the district b 
ai hand, wiis bscked into that place of 
At that crisis, J encounlcrcd him ; the 
sense he evinced of being — not to compro 
expression — a blackguard, J never saw txc 
[he human subject, A flaring cjndle in 
&hade, stuck in aitnong his perjwinkka, sfaow( 
with his ragged harness broken and hi» ^ 
lenavely shattered, twitching Ua raouth and, 
his hanging head, a picture of disgrace aiu 
racy. I have seen boys being taken to '■ 
houfei, who were as like him as his own brfl 
Tht dogs of ihy neighbourhoods, 1 ob* 
avoid play, and to be conscious of poverty, 
avoid work., too, if they can^ of course ; k\ 
the nature of all aaitnalB. I have the pla 
knotv a dog in a back street in. the neighbl 
ofWalwoTth, who has grcaOy dletingui&hed < 
in the minor drama, and who takes his porn 
him when he tnakei an engagement, for the 
rion of the play-bill. His portrait (which i 
all Hkc him) represents htm in the act of d 
to the earth a recreant Indian, \^'ho is 6up| 
have tomahawked, or essayed to toniahawl^ 
iih otHccr. The design ia pure poetry, for 
no such Indian in the piece, and no such i 
He ia a dog of the Newfoundland breed, fb 
honesty 1 would be bail lo any Htnount ; bt 
i&irlleclual qualltiei in aiisociation wich tlraig 



iRCiAL, tr/vvellb: 



1 cannot rate high. Indeed, he is too honest 
the prufMuan he has entered. Being m a town 
fotktilure Id&l iitnuner^ and seeing liim posted in 
hoU flf th< night, I attended the pcrfarmance. 
fint scene wa enUDCady Bucceasful ; but, as it 
lipied a second ia its representation (mid (iVC 
in the bill), it scarcely afforded ground for a 
tnd deliberate judgmeDt of Iiis powers. He 
merely to bark, run on, ftnd jump through an 
window, after a camic fugitive. The next 
of importance to the fable w8^ a iitUe marred 
interest by hi* aver-anxieCy ; foraamuch as 
his master (a belated soldier in a den oi rob- 
on a tempeatuous nightj waa feelingly lament- 
;lhe absence of hia faithful dog, and laying great 
. an the fact that he was thirty leagues away, 
liithful dog was barking furiously in the 
aptcr'i box, and clearly choking himself against 
collar. But it waa in hi^ grea^&c accue of alt, 
hii honesty got the better of him. He had ro 
I a dcDsc and uacklcss forest, on the trail of the 
idcrcr, aiid there to fly at the murderer when he 
bim resting at the foot of a tree, with his 
>tind ready for slaughter. It was a hot 
he came into the forest from an altogether 
cpected direction, in the sweeteat temper, at a 
'deliberate trot, not in ihe teaac excited ; trotted 
fbot-light& with his tongue out ; and there sac 
ij panting, and amiably surveying the audience, 
liift tail beating on the boards, like a Dutch 
Meanwhile the murderer, Impadent to 
ive his doom, was audibly calling to him 
•0-OUE here!" while the victim, struggling 
kia bonds, aEsailed him with the nnost injurious 
>ni. It happened through these meanS) dmt 
be vnu b cour&e of time persuaded to trot 




;OMM 




I 



up and rend U*e murderer limb from lim 
it (for aramaiic purpoBcsj a little too obvj 
he worked oat that awhil retribution ■kM 
butter o£F his blood-Btained h^inds. H 

In a sliy street, behind Long-acre, two 
dogs live, who perform in Punch's sho^vs. 
venture to say that I am on terms of intimi 
bothj and ctiat I never saw either guilt) 
fakehood of failing to look davvn at the mi 
the show, during the whole perftirmanrt 
difEcuhy other dogs have in satiafying chei 
about these dags, appears to be never OV 
time. The ^ame dogs must encoimier 
and over again, as they trudge along in 
minutes behind the legs of the show and be 
drum ; but all dogs seem to suspcct thci 
jacltets, and to sniff at thexn as if thi 
those artides of personal adornment, an 
a Botncthing in ihe nature of mange, j 
From this Covent -garden window of mine I 
a country dog, only the other day, who hi 
up to Covent-garden Market under a cart, 
broken his cordj an end of which he stii 
along with him. He loitered about the co 
the four streets commanded by my win 
bid I^ndon doga came cp, and tdld 
he didn"! believe ; and worse London 
up, and made pToposals to him to go and 
the market, which his principles rcjectei 
Ways of the town confused him, and hc 
and lay down in a doonvay. He had 
s wink of sleep, when up comes Punch 
He Was dardng to Tohy for consolation ai 
when hc saw the hrill, and stopped, in tb< 
of the street, appalled. The show w 
Toby retired behind the drapery, thi 



le CO 
^n<^ 

n ^ 



lERClAI. TRAVELLB1 

the drum and pipes struck up. My coun- 
I ^g remtiaed mmiovablc, intentty glaring at 
jtraagc appearances, until Toby opened the 
by sppearjng on hip ledge, and to him eii' 
Piuich, who put a tobacco-pipe into Toby'B 
At this spectacle, tke cauntry dog threw 
bead, gave one terrible howl, and iled due 

ft talk of men keeping dogs, but we might 
talk rnore expressively of dogs keeping men, 
A bull-dag in a shy corner of Hammer- 
rho keeps 3 man. He keeps him up a yard, 
him go to public-houses aj;d lay wagers 
and obHges him to lean against posts and 
at him, and ibnccs him to neglect work for 
xnd keeps him under ngtd coercion. I once 
a ^cy terrier who kept a geotleman — a geu- 
who had been brought up at Oxford, lou, 
dog kept the gentleman entirely for his gloriii- 
1, and the gentleman never talked about any- 
, bui the terrier. This, ho^veve^( waa not in 
ibourhood, and h a digression canse- 

;erc are a great many dogs in &hy ncighbour- 
I, who keep boys. 1 have my eye on a mou- 
rn Somerstown who keeps three boys. He 
thai be can bring down sparrows, and un- 
rao (he can do neither), and he takes the 
out on spOrdng pretencca into all sorts ol 
fields. He has likewise made them be- 
ibat be possesses some mysterious knowledge 
: art v( fishing, and tbcy conaider themselves 
iplctely equipped for the Hampsread ponds, 
■ ptckie-jar and a wide-mouthed bottle, unless 
with them and barking tremendously. There 
rniding in the Borough of ^outhwark who 




Ml 1 1 I iTni !■■■ TODLlT' " ' "*"" "'^— p' fmrt ST. 

-sm OBI -^FT-i.- ITT ComxaxwiiE^ wa 

!3i JiLvetLi. -ix ^3Z 'v^ ST iown in 

XT E^zzz^ :i -zi Its. laDdc lafiing- fu 
ju '.vsl. jn ~.ne 'jntranoB jt x jurk 
a,".!n^Lv TO nstL i m; -er ! a iEQ w — iu 

^4^xcv. J lies- 1 3r^ JSOT rbr SDOuinoi 

TJ^<Z 1X3 JC iCVUT T^VQ JT lOT^ iJ C 

incTnr.:^. Tic." jit -•w^ 'jnccmicr? 
Hjnix <nnie 3iee. jcti Jo m ug a =l-i 

■■.-ST".'" ^nir-cin: '-3a tttsi nc" i^r. 
••.:rjr z:^ -c.tdiic vkt: ~iir' .-.:jJ. 
r;..: :t2:r rsrr vtsn ■^c- rs-j-- t: t 
- : vrsi! r^7^:ur -. r. i -n ' ic^^^ccr 

-vii- ;.f-Tr« I r"" -r* .~; s i -■-^ ;- 
7»:a~i:iT. -on -->.- r-rr^er-" i. :''*t :^ 
r^ .Z"i3.c. ~'^ titf^e .vrisriTS. I :» iz 

ric- ;>; rc^-c -•" -^^Tr .v .ar. ii: 
ii TTit: Tiara Jc .icj ir: iri; rrs:. 
v.— rerrLirji rt T'-'C ri;:.T; xrli " ic-*-; 
•t^' j:r csmir rit.-zt.-:.-tr j.r«7. A lie! 



UNCOMMBBCIAL TRAVELLER 153 



er^s be left xhcm, lad in a burst of gr&ve sat- 
00 Eui cfliighr t fly off his nosc, and shown 
much relieved. If 1 could at zny ame 
cbubted liie fact that ii wai he who kept the 
r, tnd ncFi the drover who Icspt bim, it would 
jbeen abumiatttlv pruved by iiis wzy of takicg 
pdcd charge of the ux iheep, when the digver 
«ui besnteaicd with red ochre and beer» und 
hun Krcng direcdcns, which he calmly disre- 
He haa taken the iheep enib'ely icto hit 
jliuiiii, has merely remarlced with respectful 
fu, "That instruction would place them un- 
omnibus ; you had better conEne your >tien- 
youriclf — you will want it all ; " and bu 
his charge away, with an intelligence of ears 
bU, and a knowledge of business, that has lett 
BC of a man very, very far behind, 
ihc dogs of ghy ceigbbourboods usually bc- 
eliaidng coneciou&uesa of being ia poor dr- 
ncea— for the moat part manifested in an 
of anxiety, an awkwardness in their pky, 
misgiviitg that somebody is going to bamegj 
lU) tQinething, to pick up a living — so the ca« 
acighbourboods txhibit a strong tendency to 
into bttrbarism. Not only arc they made 
|ly liaxicious by ruminating on the surplus 
ion around themr and on the densely 
state of all the avenues to cat's meat ; not 
tHy n there a moral and poliuco-economical hag' 
lieu in them, traceiUe to these rcilcctiotig ; but 
l^nacc a phj-sical detenoration. Their Hnen 
I, and is wretchedly got up; their black 
t, like old mouming s tliey weir very in- 
IX Bit i and take to the shabbiest cotton 
instead of silk velvet, I am on tcrme of 
with Mveral tmzll screeti; of cat&, about 



134 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEI 



the Obelisk m Sainc George's Fields, and 
ihe vicinity of CI crtcp well -green, ami aJso if 
back Settlements of Dmry-lanc. In appea 
they are very liitc the women among whom 
livCi They seen to tum out of their uQWl 
>me beds into the street, without any prej 
They leave their young families to stagger abou 
gutters* uQMsbtcd, while thcj' frouzily quarrel j 
•wear and scratch and spir, at street comers. 
particuJaTj I remark that when they are about 
crease their famiiics (an event of frequent r( 
rence) the resemblance ig, strongly eipresacd* 
certain dusty dowdinesa, dowc-at-he*! self-ncj 
and gcDcraJ giving up of things. I CAnnct boi 
report that I have ever seen a feline matron oi 
class washiDg her face when in an incercedng 
didon. 

Not to prolotig the^e notes of uncoimnt 
travel among the lower anLlTials ot ^y neigli 
hoodsr by dwelling at length upon the exaat 
moodiness of the lom-cais, and their rescinl 
in many respects to a man and a brother, Jj 
come la a close with a word on the ibwls 
same localities. 

That anything bom of an egg and invested , 
wings, should have got to the p^ss that it hopsJ 
lencedly down a ladder Into a cellar, and call& ;> 
ing home, is a circumstance so junazing as to 
one nothbg more in this connexion to wondf 
Otherwise 1 might wonder at the tompletM 
with which these iowh have become separated; 
all the birds of the air — have taken to grovfl 
in bricks and mortar and mud — have torgotw 
about hve treej, and make roosdng-places of 
boards, bairows, oyster-tubs, bulk-heads, tnd 
tcrapcrs. 1 wonder at nothing concerning 



■ ? ihem a they are. I accept as products 

.:t And things of course, a reduced Bantam 

iy oi' my acquaintance in the Hackncy-road, 

I arc incessantly at the pa \vn broker's, 1 cannot 

[that they enjoy themselves, for they arc of i 

IDchoIy tcmperamenc ; but what enjoyment 

»rc cKpftble of, they derive from crowding to- 

in the pautibroker's sidc-encry. Here, they 

iwaya to be found in a feeble flutter, as if they 

newly come down in the world, and were 

of being identified. I know a low fellow, 

ly of a good family from Dorking, who 

his whole eatablishmcnt of wives, in single 

in St the door of the Jug Department of a dij- 

rly tavern near the Haymarket, mancenvre* 

among the company'^ legs, emerges with 

at the Botde Entrance, and 30 passes hts life : 

3m^ in die season, going to bed before two in 

mt>ming- Over Waccrloo-bridgc, there is a 

jy old speckled couple (they belong to the 

Oden French -bedstead, Wflshing-sCaJidi and towel- 

lemaking trade), who are always trying to get 

the door of 8 chapel. Whether the old lady, 

a dclufiion reminding One of Mrs, Southcott, 

fai idea of entrusting an egg to that particular 

iminadon, or merely understands that she has 

[buaiDCSE in the building and is consequently 

ic to enter it, I cannot determine ^ but she is 

Flantl^' endcavt}uring to undermine the principal 

while her partner, who is infirm upon his 

walkt op and down, cm^ouraging her and dc- 

the Universe. But, the family I have been 

acquainted with, since the removal from this 

ig sphere of a Chinese circle at Brentford, reside 

ie dcTiBest part of Bethnal -green. Their ab- 

tioo from the objects among which they live. 




136 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEH 

or rather Uieir cpnviction that those: objC'Cts have iH 
comeinro existence in express Bubaervicncc to fowli, ' 
hiis 8o enchanted me, that I have made CheiD tib^ ; 
subject of manj' journeys at divers hcurs. AhCTii 
careftjl observation of the two lords and the Bni 'I 
ladies of whom ihis feniily consists, I have come tn 

\c conclusion that their opinions are reprcBetiwi ■ 
sy the leading lord and leading lady : the latter, u j 

judge, an aged persooage, afflicted with a psudtji ; 
of feather and visibility of quilU that gives her thi i 
appearance of a handle of office pens. When i ' 
railway goods van that would crush an elephint 
comes round the comer, tearing over these fowb, 
they emergfi UEiharmed from under the horses^ pfl*- 
fectly satisfied that the whole rush was a passing 
property m the air, which may heve left something 
to eat behind it. They look upon old shoes, vi^rcckl 
of kettles and saucepans, and A-agments of boTineti, 
■s a kind of meteoric discharge, lor fowU to peck il. 
Peg-topB and hoops they acCoUnt, J think, aa a lofl 
of hail j Ehuttlecocks^ as rain, or dew. Gaslight 
tromes quite as natural to them as any other light; 
and J have more than a suspicion that, in the rtunili 
of the two lords, the early public-houac at the 
corner hss stjpersedcd the sun, I have established 
il as a certain fact, that they always begin to ctoW 
when the pubhc-house shutters be^n to be taktn 
down, and that they aalutc the potboy, the injUAl 
he appears to perfoim that duty, as if he 
Phoebiu in peracin. 



Chapter XI 

TRAMPS 

chincc use of the word "Trimp" in my 
laM paper, brought that numeroui fratcmicy 
■ bclore my mind's eye, that 1 had no 
ji down my pen than a compulsion was 
•on mc lo lake it up agaip^ «n.d make notes of the 
Tunp; v.-tiom 1 perceived otj ^1 the atitniner roads 
■■-'dona. 
:_jv'^ a tramp sits down to rest by Uic way- 
site with his legs in a dry ditch ; and when- 
goes to ilcep (which ia very uittn indeed), 
Co sleep on his back. Yonder, by the higb 
faring white m the bright sunshine, lies, on 
bit of turf under the bramble-bush that 
I the mppicx Irom the highway, the tfamp of 
HVAge, (Mt nalecp. He lies on the broad 
[back, v/kh his lace turned up to the sky. and 
hi> ragged arms loosely thrown across h]» 
Hi* bundle (what can be the coDtents of 
>us bundle, to make it worth his while 
ry it about i!) ia thrown down beside him, 
>ii ihc waking woman with him sits with her legi 
FUc ditch, atid her back to the road. She wears 
9 faonnci rakishly perched on the front of her 
(hJ* to ahade her face from die sun in walking, 
ul flhe lici her skirta roimd her in conventionally 
[it triiiip-Jashion with n sort of apron. Yoa can 
catch sight of her, resting thus, without see- 
in m despondently dcAant manner doing 
ig to her hair or her bonnet, and glancing 
between her fingcra. She does not often go 
herself in the daytime, but will sit for any 
io{ time beside the man. And his ilumberoua 



I3S TH£ UNCOMliCBRClAL TRAVEI 



pRfp^uiacs vrovU not kcihi to be referable 
itngtt of tmifim^ Ae buodle, tor she en 
BMck o6cKr nd fimher tiun he. When tli 
afcotv jroa win otoidy Ibid him slouching ob 
■i A fniff ig »po , wkile she lags heavUy 
iridi dK bBrdcM- He u given to perEonall^y 
Rcib|; bcTr too — whkh phase of his characte 
vdopt iodf aKtneax, on benches outside 
doon — md she appcan CO become irronglyar 
V> hoB ibr dfecK xwtoi ; it may uiualfy be 
thu wiia dK poor crcfture has a bruised fai 
k tke iMM aflecnoMtte. He hfu ro occu 
wlMtrKr, diii order a£ tmnp, and has no 
w kntwr m gon^anywhac. He will tot 
call kiiBKlf a brickmaJker, or a lawyer, be 
wha be takes an mn|jiiative fligtii. He 
f C ^Mcmi ta faimsclT, in i vague way, as lookii 
inr » job of nork ; bai he Eiever did work, h« 
does, and he nercr will. It is a fkvourite 
with lum^ however (as if he were the mc 
dDStriau} characte Ob eafth), that yes never 
and as he goes pait your garden and e«s youj 
tag XI TOUT flaivcn, you will o%'crhear himl 
wriih a strong jensc ot costrast, " Tpk are 
bidle devil, tsa are!" 

The slinliiag tramp is of the same hopelett i 
md has the same isjufcd convicdori on hifl 
you were barn to whatever you possess, nndl 
did aQ]cthmg to get it : but he is ot a 9c£» aut 
dtspoKtioD. He will stop belbrc your gat 
SB^ to lu9 Jemale companion with an air 
sritutionaj humilitv and propitiation — ^to ec 
one who may be within hearing behind a bl 
bush — "This ia a Bweei apoi, ain't it? A 
ipM ! And I wonder if they'd give two 
Kirc trarcUera like me and you, a drop 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVSLLBR 139 



inter cue of such « prettjr genrteel crib? We'd 
u wery koind on 'err, wouldn't ui I Wary 
ai, opoQ my word, ue would?" He bos a 
KDie of a dog m the viciniiy, and will extend 
QeKlestlz-injurcd propidadon to the dog chained 
your ywd ; rcmflrking, as he slinks at the 
, g«|e, '* Ah 1 You arc a foinc breed o' dog, 
id yaa am't kep lor nothink 3 I'd take it 
' ktund o* your tnfiatcr if he'd clp » trsveUer 
[lui woile as envies no genilefDlk thdj- good 
i, wi' B bit o' your brolcen wiEtles. He'd 
know the wane of it, nor more would you^ 
bark like diBt, ai poor persona 09 never 
yon RO ■nil j the poor is down-trodden ajid 
enough without chat ; O dok't ! " He 
illy beivea ■ prodigiDus eigh in moving «way. 
Jway* lookv up the Unc and down the lane, 
the raid tnd dovim :he road, before go- 

flf ihese orders of tnunp are of a very robust 
f; let the hard-working Uboorer at who*e coi- 
iooT they prowl and beg, have the ague never 
ly, these tmnps arc sure to be in good health, 
bere ii another kind of trampj whom you en- 
tBUDter this bright Eummer d&y — uy, on t road 
Rith the dCA-hreeze making its duat lively, and anils 
If ihips tn the blue distance beyond the slope of 
hwn. Aa you walk cnjoyingly on, you descry in 
h Mnpcctire at the bottom of a steep hill up 
ttkn your way lies, a figure that appears to be 
■irijy on a gate, whistling in a cheerful tad 
onkDDer. Aa you approach nearer to it, 
(he fig;:ure to slide down firotn the grtte, 
t desiit from whiatlmg, to iinci>c;k its hit, 10 be- 
ROC ttadei of foot, 10 depress iu head and elevuc 
■lioaldcrt, ind to prefect all the chflractenstics 





ERUAL 



'^ 



of profound despondency. Amnng 
ofiiie bin and coming c)o^ to the &i 
serve it to be the figure of a thabt 
He is moving paintblly forward, in 
which yea arc going, and kis mind 
■pled with iris misfortunes that he it 
your approach until you are close uj 
hill-foot. When be ia xwdre of you,' 
him to be a remarkably weW-hehaved j 
and a rcmwkably well-spoken j-oung i 
know him to be weH-behaved, by hu 
ftiatiDer of ttFUching his hit: you know 
wtll-spoktfti, by his smooth maniier of 
himself. He mys in a flowing conf 
and without punctuation, " I ask yo< 
but if you would cicusc the liberty of b 
<lre95cd upon the public I-way by one w4 
reduced to raga thongh it as not always I 
by 00 fault of his own buit through ill 
family and many unmerited suffcringa )i 
B great abhgaiion air to know the tir 
give the wel]-3poken young man the c 
well-spoken young man, keeping well uf 
resumes : " I am aware sir that it ia ai lit 
trude a fiirther queMion on a gentlcnii 
for his emerttinment but might I makti 
ask the favour of the way to Dover sir an 
distance > " You Lnforra the well-si 
man that the wsy to Dover if slraigt 
distance some eighteen milea. The' 
young man becomea greatly agitated, 
condition to which I am reduced," k 
could not ope ro reach Dover befiJre di 
my shoe* were in a atate to take me t 
feet Were in a etale iQ old Out over the 
and were not en the hire ground 



ir an 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 141 



pDUemin has the means to amfy himself hy look' 
, Sir may I take the liberty of speaking to you ? ** 
the wcEI-spokcn young man kecpa so well up 
you that you can't prevent his caking the 
of speaking to you, he goes on, with 
Bcy: "Sir it ia not begging that is my inCen- 
for 1 wai brought up by the best of mothers 
begging is not my trade I should not know sir 
to foUon' it as a trade ifsach were my shame- 
she^ fof the best of niothera long taught other- 
tod in the best of omes though now reduced 
I tiJte the present liberty on the Iway Six my busi- 
waj the law-starioQering and I wa& favoiwabJy 
to the Solicitor-General the Attorney-Gen- 
the niajnrity of the Judges and the ole of the 
profcsiion but through ill clth in my faraily 
the treachery of a friend for whom I became 
and he no other than my own wife's 
icr the brother of my owe wife I was cast 
with my tender partner and three young 
en not to bc^ for I will sooner die of depriva- 
Vu: to make my way to the seaport tomi of 
»er where I have 3 relative is in respect not only 
If wiii assist mc but that would trust me with 
utold gold Sir in appier times and hare this calam- 
f&H upon me I made for mv amuaemcnt when I 
thought that I should ever need it excepdng 
my ah" this " — here the well-spolLcn yOung man 
iu3 hand into his breast— " this comb! Sir I 
you in the name of charity to purchase a 
lifitl comb which is. a genuine article at any 
that your humanity may put upon ic and may 
UetODg* of a ouselcBS family awaiting with 
ing artj the return of a husbajid and a &ther 
Dover upon the cold stone seats of London- 
ever attend you Sir may I take the liberty of 



;k»«^«r 





good 
Mr the wellHpoken 

JAC C^piCB btl 

it > long apectonC 



■Tihc i^Bc mlk, on the i 
^Mf^ tf the corner cf die next j 

de per io M of a most 
mif nDptnadence appei 
Acjr lyoB tic lot of diicir Hide . 
Thrf «e a iHB ttvl mamMb. spoUt 
AadoKSawidi dw frosi on hui 
JMKaA ef Iqi " fow," ■nciidei 
Job B aTcr--o9t?Dtatk>u> 
im r^mat^ aad won « cqtidiu 
my, ^ dnoH n nnecem ry demc 
I of ^r& of wUie finoi wpond tbaut ha 
. piifea ^amj m lin. Andenon's .aproc. 
I M t^ czpBBg e^at of the res 
coBpt c , asd ■^^"g diGB TonaiiiKl to Mr. 
torn b«t to gH duLlked npon fas spade in 
wUcc cxip^-liook duncten, mnccKv! and 
<lswB bcTC Va ; OBC diing more remi 
Mr. rtmliiw liii chmctcr : Mooarcbs 
: dqnwc UiB of his hdid-Nniffd character. 
eordiBglT, u rem come op with this spectac 
raxDfr in discirss, Mn. Andcncii risc9> tiid 
decent cnnwv presenis ibr your coaside 
certificate from a Doctot of Divinity, the r« 
the Vicar of Upper Dodgingcon, who infori 
Chriitian ^ends and dJl whoni ii rnay cdoc 
the bmrers, John AndcraoTi and lairlii] wifej 
perscnt to whom you canoot be too liberal. 
beqcYoleut paatar omitted no work of bb hi 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 143 

Ihe good couple out, for with Jwlf an eye yo\x. 

recognise liii autograph on the spade. , 

tnoihcr class of tramp is a man, the most valu»-i 

part of whose Block'in-trad* U a highly pcr- 

Ecd demeanour. He is got up like a cDumtxy- 

I, and YQv will often corae upon the poor fcUow, 

he ii endeavouring to decipher the inscription 

It milcjtotie — quite a fruitlcis endeavour, for he 

aot read. He asks your pardoa, he iruly does 

I » very slow of speech, this tramp, and hq looks 

bewildered way all round the prospect while 

ltx!kx to vou), but all of us shold do as. we wold 

done bv. and he'll take it kind, if you'll put a 

mail iti the right road fur to jine his eldest 

as hat brake his leg bid in the masoning, and 

thii faeere Orapil'I as is wrote dowa by Squire 

incerby's own hand as wold not tell a Ijc iiir no 

He then produces from under his dark frock 

^Bg always very alow and perpleicd) a neat but 

old leathern purse, from which he takes 8 

of paper. On this scrap of paper is written, 

IStjoirc Pouncerby, of The Grove, " Please to 

the Bearer^ a poor but very worthy man, to 

SoMci County Hospital, near Brighton " — a 

of some difficulty at the moment, seeing that 

: request comes suddenly upon you in the depths 

Icrtfbrdshifc. The more you endeavour to in- 

wb«re Brighton is — when you have with the 

icest difficulty remembered — the less the devoted 

can be made to comprehend, and the more 

sly he (tares at the prospect j whereby, being 

:d to extrcQiity, you recommend the faithful 

11 Id begin by going to St. Albans, and preieot 

with half-a-crown. It does him good, no 

■but icAJfcdy helps him forward, since you 

lying drunk that same evening in the 



m 



fplexion; *' educated ai Trin. CoU. C« 

in the lap of affluence— ODce in my sma 
pattroti of the Muses," &:c. &c. &c.- 
s>Tiipadietic mind will not withhold a 
him on to the markcl-town where he 
hig a Lecture to l\\t frugei tomumere n&ti^ %j^ 
in general ? This shameful creature lallia 
hedge tap-rooms in his ragged clothes, noi 
from bdng black that they look a& if the 
can hare been blacEc, is more selfish and 
than even the savage (ramp. He would sp< 
the ponreat boy fpt a farthingj and Epum hii 
ho had got it ; he would Interpose (if he a 
arything by it) betweeo the baby and the n 
breast. So much lott-^er than the comp 
keeps, for his maudlin assumptiaji of being 
this pitiless rasca] blights the aummer roa 
maunders on between the luxuriant hedges : 
(to tny thinking) even the wild convolvu! 
rose and sweetbrinr, are the worse for 
by, and need time to recover from the 
in the air. ^ 

The young fellows who trudge alonj 
five or six together, their bootH slung 
shoulders, thsr shabby bundles under tbei 
their sdcks newly cut from some roadade 
■re not eminently prepossesFing, but are mi 
objectionable. There is a tramp- fellowship 
them. They pick one anoclier up at rcfc 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 145 

^^ U)d go on in conrp^tAts. They alwuys go 
F« list swing — though they generally limp too — . 
ttere is mvariabiy one of the company who. 
jch ado ro keep up with the rest. They, 
ly taik about horaeii, and any other meani 
'locomotion than walking: or, one of the cotn- 
, relates some recent expaiences of the road — 
ore altvays disputes and diliiculties. As for 
sle. " So as I'm a standing at the pump La 
rkel, blest if there don'^t come up a Beadle, 
the sea, " Mustn't stand here,' he iss. ' Why 
I «es. ' No beggars allowed in this town/ 
' Who's a beggar i ' I sea. ' You are,' he. 
Who ever sec JW? bcg? Did ynuP' I ssS^ 
sa you're a tramp/ he sea, 'I'd rather bo 
|p thin a Beadle,^ I scs.'* (The company ex- 
1^ great approval.) " * Would you,' he ses to 
■ ' Yes I would,' I MS to him,, • Well/ he 
^^'aayhow, gee out of thia toivn.' * Why, 
^B youT little towa I ' I pes, * w^ho wants to be 
^B Wot does your diity little town mean by 
^H* sod aticliin' itself in the road to anywhere ?, 
^B don't you get a shovel and a barrer, &Jtd clear 
IF Town om o' people'^ way ? '" (The com- 
luy expressing the highest approval and laughing 
f/idt they all go down the hiih) 
^Kcn, there are the tramp handicraft men. Ate 
ftf iioi all over England, in this Midsummer 
;/ Where docs the lark sang, the corn grow, 
liU turn, the river run, and they arc not 
|g the lights and shadows, tinkerirtg, chair-. 
umbrella-mendiog, clock -mending, knife- 
Surelv, a pleasant thing* if we were in 
Condition of lije, to grind our way through 
leu, Stuwx, and Surrey. For the worst six 
nsb or sp, we should sec the sparks we gioiuui 




t 



'n 



TBiicty in ipwks would be dcrii 

trast with the gorgeoas medley of 

wiUitnii wootlj, and, by tht time wc 

our w«y round lo the h«2thy lands betw« 

■nd Croydon, doing a prosperous jtrokc o 

■II slong, we should show like a little fi 

the Ught frosty ajr» and be the next 

the blacksmith "a forge. Very agreeabl 

on a chair-meodijig tour. What jtidf 

be of mshtSj and how knowingly (wit 

a botiotnless chair at our hack) wc 

im bridges, lookmg over at osier-beds. 

the uiniitneTable occupAtioDi that mino 

he trtnsacied without the assistance of^ 

chair^mending may ake a atBtion in 

When we sat down with our backs 

bam gr the public- house, and begaii to m 

I sense of popularity worild grow upoi 

il] the childrcD came to look at us, 

and the general dealer, and the fa 
r 11 1— -. .k- i:.,!. 



anno 



TRAVBLLBIt r47 



Lve rhoe wordi. Clock-meiiditig tgala. 
tor the slight iticonvtmcnce of carrying » 
der i>ur iirm, and ihc monoiony of tcaluDg 
^, whenever we came to a human babi»- 
Ot a pleasant privilege to give a. voice ta 
ft} caitage-clock, and act it talking to the 
Sunjly again, likewise we foresee great 
ii going round by the park plantadons, un- 
overhangiiig boughs (hares, nibbita, par- 
aod pheasants, scudding like mad acrcaa 
ft^ the chequered ground bei'ore us), and ao 
^hrJc Udder, and through the wood, until 
B ihc Keeper's lodge. Then, would the 
It diacoverHble at hia door, in a deep nest 

Rmokiag hia pipe. Thenj on ouf accojl- 
I the way of our trade, would he call to 
iex, respecting "t'ould clock" in the 
Then, would Mrs, Keeper a^k ua into 
s, and on due cxaminatioo we should offiu" 
a good job of it for cighteenpence i which 
gccepled, would set us tinkling and 
3ng the chubby awc-stnick little Keep- 
Ihoiu and more, Sa completely to the 
sfaction would wc achieve our work, 
would tncndon how char there waa 
jug with the bell of the turret stable-- 
' the Hall, and that if we thought good 
to the housekeeper on the chance cf 
\ why he would take us. Then, should 
}Dg the branching oaks and the deep 
ways of mystery known lo die 
the herd glancing here and there a« 
until we came to the old Hall, 
he Terxiice Flower 
stables, would the 
c ihould ob- 




148 THE UNCOMMKRCIAI, TRAVELLER 



ihel 






»«vc how spadotts and stately the stables, asd 
£ne the pauitiag of [he horses' n:inies over 
stalls, and how aohtary all : the tamily bciog io 
Lcndon. Then, sbould we find DLirseU'ca pre* 
sected to the hoiasekeepcr, siidng, in hushed state. 
at needlework, in a bay-windotv looking out upon 
i mighty grim red-brick quadrangle, guaTdcd bfl 
sianc. iions disrespectfLilly throwing sDmcrsaulu ovtei 
the escutcheons of the aoble ^mily. Then«j 
$ervices accepted And we insinuated vvith a 
into the stablc-rurrct, wc sJiould find it to 
msre qucsnon of pendulum, but one that wouW 
hold us uniil dark. Then, should vvc fall to work* 
with a general impression ot GhoM} being about) 
and of pictures indoors that of a certainty came-' 
out of their irantes and " walked,'* if the liLiiui)P''i 
would only own it. Then, sihould we work 
work, unril the day gradnally nimed to dmit, 
even until the dusk gradually turned to dark, 
task at length accomplished, we should be at 
into ao enormous seirants' hall, and there r«g 
with beef and bread, and poweriu] ale. 
paid freely, we ehould be at liberty to gt 
should be lold by A poindng helper to keep 
over yindcr by the blasted ash, and so sC 
through the woods, till wc should see the 
lights right afore us, Th^n, feeling lone 
ihould we desire upon the whole, that the aah had] 
been bksted, or that the helper had had the ma 
Boi to mention it. However, wc should keep o| 
right, till suddenly the stable bell would striU 
jn the doLefutlest way, quite chilling our bli 
though we had so lately taught hiin how to ati 
hiniBelf. Then, as we went oa, should we rtc 
old stories, and dimly consider what it would bW 
nitwt adviwble to do, in the event o*' a tall lsguTi;(^ 



i 




£flucer eyei 
I want you to come to a cJiurcJiyard and 
church clock, Follow mcl " Then, 
i wc make a burst to get clear of die tfccs, 
itaald soon find ouraclvea in the open, with the 
-tights bright sheadi of us. So should we lie 
light at the ancient sign of :ht Criapin and 
Baus, and rise early neit morning tt> be he- 
Pd tralDp ag^Un. 

bkiayera oAen tramp, in twos and threea, ly^ 
r night at their " lodges," which are scattered 
cr the couDiry, Bricklaying in another of the 
Hciona that Can by no means be tracsHcCed in 
(nrrs, without the assistance of epectators — of 
(by as can be convened. In ihiniy-peoplsd 
I have known bricklayers on tramp, coming 
ith bricklayers at work, to be so sensible of 
idispensability of iookcrs-on, that they them- 
hsvc wt up in that cepscity, and liave been 
subside into the acceptance of a proffered 
the job, for two or three days tciget]\«r. 
the ** navvy," on uarap, v^ith an extra 
Ji'boots over his shoulder, a bag, a bottle, 
tnn, will take a similar part in a job of exca- 
I, and wil! look at it without engaging in ii, 
sU his money is gone. The ciirrent of my 
tnnerrial pijrsqita caused me only last gummer 
ni a little body of workmen for a certain spell 
irk in a pleasant part of the country ; and 1 
it one time honoured with the attendaiice of 
Bi aevcn-and-rwenty, who were lookiug 

[cilii be &nilljir with any rustic \nghway in 
ic, without storing up knowledge of the 

jliQps wIjd go from one oasis of towii or 
ttop^er, to *e!I a stock in trade, flppax- 



TSO- 



rally no: worth a. shilling wliei 
are a favourite commodity for ihi 
tion, and so are cakes of a. soft and spi 
actcT, coupled wiih Spanish nuts and bn 
The stoct is carried tin the head in a bi 
between the head and the basket, ar« ' 
OD which the stDck is displayed &i mi 
FItet of foQiy but a careworn clais of I 
mostly ; with a. certain ati^ess of neck, < 
by much anxious balancing of baskets : 
wtth a long Chinese sort of «ye, wijc 
weighted forehead would leem to blA 
into that form. ■( 

On the hot dusty roads near seaport 
great rivcrsj behold the tramping Soldier 
you should happen never to have zska 
whether his umJorm h suited to his wot 
the poor fellow's appearance as he com 
fiilly cowards you, with his absurdly 
anbuttoned, hia neck-gear in his hand 
well chafed by his trousers of baize, 
ihc pefaonal inquiry, how you think yps 
ic. Much better the tramping Sailor, al 
cloth is somewhat Coo thick for knd bctv 
why the tramping merchant -mate shoult 
black velvet waistcoat, for a chalky coffl 
dog-daya, is one of the great secrets ofl 
will never be diacovered. ^ 

I have my eve upon a piece of Kei 
bordered on cither tide by a wood, and 
one hand, between the road-dust and C 
akirting patch of grass. Wjld flowen 
abundance on this spot, and it lies higl 
with a distant river stealing steadily 
ocean, like a nian'& life. To gain 
here, which the moss, primroses, violi 



4 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 151 



^Bd rases^ would toon fender illegible but for 
luljl cravellers puahing them Asid« with thai 
ii, 3rou mufi: come up <t scccp hill, come ivhich 
f you miy. So, nil the tramps vith carts or 
ivgng — the Gipsy-rnitnp, the Show-tramp, the 
lOp J«ck — find it impossible to resist the tempta- 
U oi* the place, and all turn the horse loose 
iC& they coEne to it, and boil the pot. Bless the 
jCe, J love the ashes of the vagabond Bret that 
re Korched ixs grass ! What tramp chjidreo do 
^ here, attired in a handful of rags, making a 
tDnuimn of the shafts of the cart, maldng a 
{her-bed of the Hints and bramblea^^ maldng ■ 
' 9( the hobbled old horse who is not much more 
R a bone than any cheap toy Would be ! Here, 
I encoimcer the cart of mats and brooms and 
iketi — with all thought} of business given to the 
Bung wind — with the stew made and being 
Ted out— with Cheap Jaclc and Dear Jill striking 
t XDasic out of the plates that are rattled liltc 
diiK cymbals when put up for auctloa at faitl 
^wrketft'^thcir minds so induenced (00 doubt) 
^K melody of the nightiiigales as they begin to 
Pn the woodj behind ihem» that if J were to 
||iO«6 10 deal, they would tell me anything at 
K price. On this hallowed ground has it been 
r happy privilege (let mc whisper it), co behold 
f White-haired Lady with the piak eyes, eadng 
Mt-ple with the Giant ; white, by the hedge-aide, 
ihe box of bUnketa which I knew contained the 
iku;^ were set forth the cups and saucers aud the 
f)0{. It WIS on an evening in August, that I 
need upon this ravi&hing spectacle, and I so- 
ld that> whereas the Giant reclined half c«jn- 
t health the overhanging boughs and seemed 
ni tD Nature, the white hair of the gracious 



hiiy streamed &ee in the breath of 
her ptnk eyes found pleasure in the lan^ 
heard only 3 single scnience of her u~^ 
bespoke a talent for modest repartt 
mannered Giani — accursed be hi* evi 
interrupted the Lady in some rcmai 
passed that enchanted comer of th 
gently reproved him, with the wot 
Cobby ; "' — Cobby ! so short a name I 
fool enough to ta!k at a ume?" 

Within appropriate distance of 
ground, though not so near it as 1 
trolled from tap or bench aT door, > 
woodEand silence^ is a little hostelry 
poisessed of a penny was ever know 
warm weather. Before its entrancci 
pleasant trimmed limes ; likewise, a c 
so musical a bucket-handle that its 
bucket rim will make a horac prick up ia 
neigh, upon the droughty road half* J 
This h a bouse of great resort fot^ 
tramps snd harvest tramps, LnsDrnuch ttt 
within, drinking theb mugs of beer, tl 
quished scythes, and reaping-hooka glare ' 
open windows, as if the whole establi 
a family war-coach of Ancient Brito: 
the season, rhe whole country-side, 
jailes, will swarm with hopping tram 






i_THK UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 153 

^wtt^] the scraps of common^tand, and live 
^H|^k upon chc hops undl diev are all picked 
^PI^Bbp-gvrdeTts, so bcsutilii] dirougb the tnm- 
S^ook is if they had been laid waste by an in- 
bdbg srmy. Then, there u a vast excxiua of 
kmpi out of the county ; smd if yoii ride or drive 
mod nay Cum of any road, at more than a foot 
Ke, you will be bewildered to find that you have 

txi into the bosom of fifty ia mili ea, and that 
arc spla&hing lip all around, you, in the ut- 
prodigality of confiiaion, bundles of bedding* 
, iron pocSf and a good-humoured muldtudc 
b scjcca and all ages, ec^ually divided between 
nion and intoxicatton. 



Chapter XII 

DVlXBOaOlIGa TOWN 

ttely happened that I found myeelf rambling 

sout die scenes among which my earliest days 

passed ; flcenes &om which I departed when 

a child, and which I did not revisit urtil I 

man. This is no uncommon chance, but 

ihat befalls some of us any day ; perhaps it 

ly not be quite uninteresting to compare notes 

reader rcspccdng an experience bo familiar 

V. - iincy so uncommercial. 

Eitll my boyhood's hontc (and I teel like a 
in an English Opera whui I mention it) 
logh. MoEi of us come from Dullboroitgh 
fcaane from a country town. 
'A* I left DuUborough in the days when there 

IRO railroads in the land, I left it in a stage- 
, Through all the year? th«( hjve, tvxK 



154 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVI 

puted^ have I ever lost the jmcll of the t 
ui which I was packed — like gimc — and 
carrisge paid, la the Crasi Keys, W 
Cheapsidc, London ? There was no o 
puaengcr, and I consumed my suidwtc 
tude and dretfiDcaa, and it rained hard a 
and I thought life sloppier than I had e 
And it. 

With this tender rememferance upon 
cavalierly shunted hack into Dullboroug] 
<Jay, by train. My ticket had "been pre 
leeted, like my taixcs^ and my ahming 
ulaDteaii had had a great plaster stuck n' 
I had been defied by Act of Parliament 
Dbjection to anydung that was done to 
under a penalty of not leas than forty i 
more than five pounds, compDundable fbi 
iuiprisonracnt. When I had lent my 
property on to the hotel, I began EO look 
»nd the first discovery I made, was, that 
'iiad swallowed up the playing-field. 
' It was gone. The two beaudftd 
trees, the hedge, the mrf, and all those 
and daiiieSj, had given place to the stoni 
ing roads : while, beyond the StatJon> v 
pJOnttcr of a tunnel kept its jawj open* i 
awallowed them and were ravenous for 
«trucuon. The coach that had carried 
was melodiously called Timpson's Blue-B 
■and belonged to Titnpson, at the coacl: 
'Street; the locomotive engine that had fc 
■back, was called sererely No. 97, and b 
S.E.R., and was spitting ashes and hot' 
the blighted ground. 

When I had been let out at the pU.1 
3ike * prisoner whom his turnkey grut 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER IS5 

[ Jooked in igain over the low wall, art the 
'dcpxncd. gloiiu. Here, in the haymalting 
;d I been delivered from ihc dungeoni of 
iingtpaum, an innmensc pile (of haycock), by 
>iintryiiien» ;!ic viccarioua British (boy neit 
id tus twa cousitiitJT '^d had been recognised 
»tu/ by my affianced one (Miss Green), 
come all the way frorn EngliLtid isccond 
1 ia the terrace) lo rangotn mc, £nd marry iiie* 
had 1 first heard in confidence, from one 
farhcr was greaiiy connected, bdjlg updcr 
rnmcnc^ of the eKiatencc of 3 terrible banditti. 
The Radicals/' whose principles were, 
tie Prince Regent wore stays, and tiiat aqlx>dy 
righi to any salary, and thai the army and 
ought to be put down— horrors at which J 
ed in mv bed, after supplicatjng that the 
all might be speedily tsken and hanged, 
too, had wc, the umali hays of Botes's, had 
_.cltct match against the small boya of Coles's, 
Boles and Coles had actually met upon the 
1, and when, inat^d of Laaiantly hitting out 
another with the uimDsc hiry, as wc had all 
and expected, those aneaks had said respect- 
"l hope Mra. Boles is well," and *' 1 hope 
LCoIci and the baby arc doing charmingly." 
i « be (hat, after all this, and much more, the 
Bg-^eld was a Scadon, and No. 97 cxpec^ 
boiling- water and retihot cinders on it, and 
rliole belonged by Act of Parliament to 

b couid be, mid waa, i left the place with a 

heart for a wallt all over the town. And 

lof Ttinp*on's up-str«et. When J departed 

l-Dullborough in the strawy arm* of Timpson's 

i^ed Maid, Timpson's was a moderate-sized 




mpBi 
npsc 



dously. 1 tound po inuch place 
now — 'HO Euch bricks and rafters, ct 
the name— no sucii edifice on the 
Picklbrd had corae axid knocked TimpBi 
Picicford had iiot only ictiocked Timpsfl 
but had knoclicd two op thfice houses dov 
side of Timpson's, end then had knocii 
into one great estabtishmenc with a ps 
in and out of which, his (Piclcibrd'a) 
in these days, always rattling, with 
aittiiig up so high, that they look in 
floor windows of the old-fashioned 
High-strec: as they shatte the town. 
[he honour of Picldord's acquaintant 
that he had done me an injury, not 
iniiied an act of boysliughter, in mnniaj 
childhood in this rough manner; and ifi 
Pickford driving one of hia own tnonsiciji 
ing a pipe the while (which is the 
men), he shall know by the expressic 
if it catches hi», that there is somet 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 1 57 



[Jr )! P mercy I have not 3 red and green lamp 

1 1 night-bell at my door, for in my very young 

< I wax tat^en to so many Ivings-in that I wonder 

>p«J hecOEnJng a prgfessional martyr to thenn 

ier-lifc, I suppose I had a very syrnpathcTio 

)k, with 1 large drrle of married acquaintance. 

fffiViSr [hit was» a3 I condmied my walk chrpugh 

Dboroughj I found many houses to be solely as- 

in mv mind with ihia pardcdar itiieresc. 

nt little greengrocer's shop, down certain slcpB 

ihc street, I Tcmerabcr to have waited on a 

'wh o had had four children (I am afraid to ivriiE 

jh I fiilly believe it was five) at a birth. 

itoriom woman held quite a reception in 

f>m on the morning when I was introduced 

e, and the sight of the houae brought vividly to 

[mind how the four (five) deceased young people 

I ude by side, on a clean cloth on a chest of 

reminding me by a homely associarion, 

I inspect their complexion to have flssisiedj, 

pg»' feci 35 they arc usually displayed at a neat 

-thop. Hot caudle was handed round on the 

jon, and I further remembered as I stood con- 

plaling the green grncer's, that a subscription 

itered into among the company, which be- j 

extremely alarming to my CDnsdouintfsa of 

*8 pocket-money on my person. This fact be- 

known to my conductress, whoever she was, I 

imestly exhorted to contribute, but resolutely 

icd : therein diaguBtJug the company, who 

Imc to understand thai I must dismiss all ex- 

^tions of going to Heaven. 

ivr does it happen ihil when al! else is change] 

one goes, there yet seem, in every placcj,, 

inme few j>eople who never alter? As the 

of the greengrocer's house recalled these triviil 



15a THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELI-ER 



incidents of loDg ago^ the ideBCical greengrocer s^ 
pcared on the steps, with hii hands in bis pocke^ 
and leaning his shoulder againsc the door-poitj«i 
ray childish eyes had seen hun many a anie; in* 
deed, there was hii old mark on the door-post 
as if his shadow had become a fixture thcxej 
was he himself j he might fermcrly have b« 
old-looking young man, or he might now 
young-looking old man, but there he visu. , 
walking along the street, 1 had as yet look 
vain tor a familiar facej or even 3 cransmitted 
here was the very greengrocer who had been weigh- 
ing and handling baskets on the aiorning o( the re> 
ception. As he brought ivlth kim a dawDing Ifr 
rocmbrance that he had had no proprietary iniaal' 
in those babies, I crossed the road^ and accotied 
Kim on the subject. He was not in the least «t* 
cited or gradJied, or in any way roused, by the »■ 
curacy of my recollection, but said. Yes, summiB, 
out qf the common — he didn't remember bo* 
many it was (as if half-a-dozen babies either in/ 
made no diJTerence) — had happened co a Mn.| 
What'a-bcr-name, aS once lodged there— bill fccj 
didn't call it to mitid, particular. Nettled by 
phlegmatic conduct, I intbrmed him that I hj " 
the town when J was a child. He ilowln 
turned, quite unsofteDed, and not without a : 
iind of complacency^ HaJ I ? Ah ! And 
find it had got on tolerably well without me i 
is the diftereucc (1 thought, when J had left 
few hundred yards behind, and waa by &d maa 
a better temper) between going away Irom a 
ttiA remaining in it. I had no rights I reRet 
Ik angry with the greengrocer for his 
interest, I was nothing to him : whcreai he 
the town, the cathedral, the bridge, the 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 159 

Uldhood, and a. large ilice of my Hf«, to 

Of cooTfle the town had shrunk fearfulty, since I 
a a child there. I had entertained the imprea- 
■ti that Uic Higb'Slrcet was at least as wide as 
[fcni-stree:, London, or the Italian Bouiei^ard &t 
ril. I found it little better than a lane. There 
n 9 public dock in it, which I had supposed to 
' the finest clock in the world : svhereas it now 
ncd out to be u inexpressive, moOD-faced, and 
ttk a clock as ever i saw. It belonged to a 
Wd Ha:II, where i bad seen an Indian (who I 
fuppose wasn'^t an Indian) swallow d sword 
r now suppose he didn't). The edifice 
kppeared to me in those days so glorious a 
that I had set it up in my mind ag ihc 
on which the Genie of the Lamp built the 
ifor Akddin. A mean little brick heap, like 
tnted chape], with a few yawning persons iii 
gaitcTs, md in the last extremit)' for some- 
^to doj, lounging at the door with their hands 
pocltets, and caJliug themselves a Ccm 
age! 
Theatre was in exjatcnce, I found, on ask- 
fishmonger, who had a compact show of 
Ui his window, ctjn^isdng of a sole and a 
01 shtimps — and J rssolved to comfort my 
by going to bok at it. Richard the Third, 
uncomfortable cloak, hsd first appeared to 
r, and had made my heart leap with terror 
tking up against the stage-box in which I was 
i, wiiile struggling for life againS't the virtuous 
Ond. It was within those wails that 1 had 
ill trnm a page of Rngliah history, how that 
Xing slept in war-time on a sola much too 
Inm. and how fearfully his conscience 



l£o THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVBLLI 



Troubled his boois. Tbere, too, had I £rsc 
fiiDnj.' cQUntrymaDj but countrymafl of Ddb]« 
ciplea, in a flowered w^slcoat, crunch up hie iiti 
hat and throw ii on ihe ground, and pull oS I 
coat, sayingj " Dom thee, aqiiire, coom on m 
thy Jiates then!'* At which the lovely yoai 
woman who kept company with him (ma wl 
went out gleanitig, in a narrow while nmtlin apw 
with five bcautifdl bars of five different coloun 
ribbons across it) was so frightened for bis ssk 
that she fainted away. Many wondrguB 8ccr 
Nature had 1 come to the knowledge of 
sanctuary : of which no: the least terrOic were 
the witches in Macbeth bore an awful rescml 
to the Thanes and other proper inhabitanls of J 
land i and that the good Iving Duncan couldnj 
in Ilia grave, but was constantly coming outj 
and calling himself somebody else. To the ■ 
atrc, iherefore, I repaired for coniolation, Btitl 
found very little, far it was in a bad and declitui 
way. A dealer in wine and bottled beer bad i 
ready squeezed his trade into the box-ofEcc. 
the theatrical money was taken — when it ca 
9 kind of meat-safe in the pa&sage. The dc 
wine atid bottled beer must have insinuated 
under the stage too ; for he announced that 
variom descriptionfl of alcoholic drinks " 
wood." and there was no possible stowage 
wood anywhere else. Evidently, he waj bi 
grees eating the establishment away to the core" 
would soon have sok posseasion of it- It waj 1 
Let» and hopelc&aly Wr for its old purposes ; ai 
there had been no entertainment within it* wall* J 
a long time except a Panorama; and even that h 
been announced as "pleasingly instnictive,'* 
know too well the fatal meaning and 



iBtnictJve, UKj 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER l6l 



gf those terrible expressions. No, there was 

! comfort in the Theatre. It was mysteriously 

E, iite my own youth, UnUlte my own youth, 

light be comiiig back some day -, but there wxi 

promise of it. 

the town W33 placarded with references to clie 
Jborough Mechanics' Insdtution, I thought I 
lid go and look at that eatablishraeot next.! 
re had been no BLch thing in the town, in mjf 1 
ig day, and ii occurred to mc that its csiremij 
erity might have brought adversity upon thaJ 
I found the Insriiution with some diS«i 
f, and should scarcely have known that I hadi 
it if I had judged fi-om its external appear*^ 
only ; but this was attributable lo its never 
ig been iinished, and having no &ont : come* 
oendy, it led a xnqdest and reiLred existence up A 
luble-vard. It was (aa I learnt, on inquiry) aj 
.most iiourishing Institution, and of the highest beni] 
efit to the town; two triumphs which I was gladj 
ta underitaLnd were not at all hrpaired by the sccui* 
lag drawbacks that no mechanics belonged to jt^ 
■ad ihat it was steeped in debt to the chimney-pots. 
]t had a large room, which was approached by an] 
infirm itcp-laddcr: the builder having declined to J 
conitruct the intended staircase, without a pieaenl 
payment in cash, which DuUborough (though pro- 
ftapdly appreciative of the Instituuon) seemed ua- 
^Biunubly bashful about igubscribing. The large 
BSin had cost — or would, when paid for— five hmi- 
ed pouodi J and it had more mortar in it and 
echoes, than one might have expected to get 
money. It was fitted up with a platform, 
, the usual lecturmg tools, including z large black 
of a menacing appearance. On referring to 
of the cocirsc& of tectutes that had been g^vati 




I6X THQ UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER I 




in this thriving HiJl, 1 ^incicd I detected a Aft 
in dJnuixing that human Diturf when at ieisiin i 
any desire whatever :d be relieved and dive 
ind a iTntive sliding in of any poor makc-we 
piece of atnuseraent, shame face dly and edgen 
Thi:s, I observed that it was necessary tor 
mcmberj it> be knocked on the head with Gaj, 
Water, Fo(k1, the SoSar System, the Geolog 
periods. Criticism on Milton, the Stcam^cne 
jokn Euuyan, and Arrow-Hcadcd Inscriptloiw,^ 
(on they might be nddcd by those unaccoi 
choristers, che oegro singers in the court ci 
Dt' the reign of Gcorgp the Second. 
thm they must be stunned by a weighty ir 
whether there was internal evidet^ce in Sbakesf 
worki, to prove that his uticle by the mother's i 
Uvcd for some ycsrt ai Stoke Nev^ington, 
they Were hrough(-to by a Mliccllineoys Com 
But, indeed the mastiTig of enter tainmeiw, and 
tending it wza something else — aa people mask 
Rteadi when they are obliged to have them It 
dng-roomA, and make believe that they are 
cases, fiotas, chests of drawers, anything rather 
bedsieade — was manifest evea in the pretcnc 
dreaiiness ihat the unfortunate entertainers it 
lelve* tell obUged in decency to put itbrth 
they came here. One very agrceibJc profeBsiciiil 
singer who travelled with two professional ladkfi 
knew belter than to introduce either of those ladia 
to sing the ballad *' ■Comin' through the Ri 
without pretacing it hiniBelf, with some gent 
marks on wheat and clover ; and even thenj 
dared not for his life call! the soiig, a song, but 
guised it in the bill us an "Illustration." £aj 
library, also — fitted with shelves for three thqi: 
books. and containing upwards of one htmdradi 



prcBeated copies mostly), Bcelhing theif 
damp plasrer— there waa such a paintiiUy 
tetam of 62 offenders who had read 
f*Qptilar Biography, and mierc Fiction dc- 
of the aspiraQona of the hearts and souls 
4jman creatures like diemselves ; and such 
te parade of 2 bright examples who had 
Euclid after the day's occupation and 
and 3 who had had down Mcta- 
itcr ditto ; and l wba had had down 
after tlittt> ; and 4 who had womed 
Political Eccmomy, Botany, and Loga- 
at once after diico ; that I suspected the 
Uss to be one nmn, who hnd been Jiired 

ng irom the Mcchunics' insdtution and 
my walk about the town, I adll noticed 
the prevalence, la an extraorniiTiary de- 
Jiis cuaiom of putting the natural demand 
ment out of sight, as some unddy house- 
ttit dust, and prctenditig that it waa swept 
\nd yet it was mlniatcred to, in a dull and 
iinner^ by all who made thia feint. Look- 
wh«t ia called in Dnllborough " the seri- 
ellcr's,** where, in my childhood, I had 
ic ftcea of numbers of gentlemen depicted 
} with a gaslight on each wde of them, 
ig my eyts over the open pagc3 of certain 
couracs there, I found a vast deal of aim- 
osity and drainadc effect, even in them — 
, even on the part of one very wraihftil 
who bitterly anatheniatiaed a poor little 
Similarly, in the reading provided for the 
pie enrolled in the Lasso of LoVc,, and 
llenl unions, J found the writers gencr- 
a distressing scn3C that they must start 



l64 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



(at all events) like story-tellers, ind delude tin 
young persons into ibc belief that ihcy were gdaj 
tu be intereflting. As 1 looked in at this windou 
for twenij' irinutca by the clock, I am in a posicM 
lo offer a friendly renidnstraiictf — fiot bearing oi 
this pa/ucular point— to the designers and engraver 
of the pictures iu those publications. Have [hq 
Con&idefcd the awiiit consequences likely to flOR 
from their representadons of Virtue ? Have tia^ 
asked themselves the question, whether the tenifit 
prnapcct of acquiring that fearful chubbiat 
head, unwicliiilicas of arm^ fteblc dislocadi 
leg, crispLDcss of hair, and enormity of ihirt' 
which they represent as inseparable from 
tiess, tnay not tend to confimi sensitive wii 
in Evil? A most impressive example (if I hs 
lieved it) of what a DuEtman and a Sailor! 
come to, when they mend their ways, WM^ 
aeotcd to me in this Bamc shop-window. 
they were leaning (they were intimate 
against a poat, drunk and rccklessj with aurf 
bad hats on, and their hair over their forcll 
they were rather pictures*] tie, and looked as 
might be agreeable men, if they would nc 
beasts. Butt when they had got over (heir 
propensities, and when, as a conaeiquencc, tboT 
iieads had swelled alarmingly, their hair had got*^ 
curly that it liified their blown-oui cheeks up, that 
coat'Cuffs were so long that they never cou!d d* 
any work, and their eyes were so wide open i!M 
they never could do any sleep, they pfesentc 
spectacle calculated to plunge a timid natt 
the depths of Infamy. 

But, the clock that had so degenerated 
law it last, Bdmom.s.hed me that I had itay 
loog enough J and I reaumed tny walk. 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL. TRAVELLER 165 



^B had not goce ifty paces along the street when 
T was Baddealy brought up by the sight of a man 
who gat out of a little phaeton at the doctor's door, 
and went into the doctor'a house, Ijnmcdiately, 
the air was filled with the scent of troddci] grass, 
and ihe perspective of years opened, and at the end 
of it was a little lilteoesa of thia man keeping a 
wicket, and I said, " God bless my soal [ Joe 
Specks ! " 

Through many changes and much work, I had 
preserved a tenderness lor the memory cf Joe, for- 
asmuch as we had made the acquaintance o£ Rode- 
rick Random together, and had believed him to be 
no rufiian, but an ingenuous and engaging hero. 
Scorning to ask the boy left in the phaeton whether 
it was really Joe, and scorning even to read tha 
brass plate on the door— so sure was I— I rang the 
bell and informed the servant maid that a stranger 
sought audience of Mr. Specks. Into a room, half 
aorgery, half study, J was shown to await his com- 
ing;, and 1 found it, by a Bcrica of elaborate acci- 
dents, bestrewn with testimonies to Joe. Portrait 
of Mr. Specks^ bust of Mr. Specks, silver cup irom 
grateful patient to Mr. Speclca, presentation sermon 
from local clergyman, dedication poem from local 
poei, dinnej-card from local nobleman, tract on 
balance of power from local refugee, inscribed 
Hemmagg de I'auleur a Specks. 

When my old schoolfellow came in, and I in- 
formed him with a smile that J was not a patient, 
he seemed rather at a loss to perceive any reason 
for smiling in canne::cion with that fact, and in- 
qoired to what was he to attribute the honour? 1 
asked him, with another smile, could he remember 
me at all ? He had not (he said) that pleasure. I 
Was begiomng to have bm a poor of>iiuoti Ci^ ^1 



by my naine^ shook mc by the hand, 
(ijto s roar of laughter. " Why, of coo| 
remember Lucy Gr«n," he said, 
talked a liitle. " Of course/* sud 
do yoa think she married ? '' said he. 
hazarded. " Me," said Specks^ 
Bee her.*' So I saw her, and she was' 
sJI the hay in the world had been heaped<i 
it could scarcely have altered her fat 
Time had altered it irom my remeral 
face that had once looked down uponj 
fragrant dungeons of Seringapatam* B|j 
youngest child came in after dinner (led 
with them, and we had do other comp 
Specks, Junior, Barrister-at-law, who Wi 
at auon a$ the cloth was removed, tg loot 
young lady to whom he was going to bi 
next week), I saw again, in that little dati 
little ikcc of the Iisyficid, unchapgcd, an 
touched my foolish heart. We talkM.j 
Sneeks an d Mrs. S n^flrB anc\ 1_ ^ad- 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 167 

witli a highly agresable chain. And in 
society I bud new occasion to observe 
had before nodced in similar coramtiruca- 
ong other tnec. All the schooifellows and 
f old, whom I inquired about, had either 
be &upcr)atively well or superlativeljr jll-^had 
her become uncerdliciiiced bankrupts., or been 
ddIous and got tbetnselves tracaported ; or had 
great hits in iiiV, and done woDdetSi And 
&o coitimonly the case, Th,il i never can 
If what becoQjes of all the mediocre people of 
'a yocili-^-eapeciall}' conaidering that we ilnd 
i of the species in our msturity. But, I did 
ound thia difficaky to Specks, for no pau^e 
CDnversadon gave me an occasion. Nor, 
I discover one single flaw in the good doctor 
he reads this, he will receive in a friendly 
the pleasantly meant record — except that he 
forgotten his Roderick Random, and that he 
dcd Strap with Liente&ant Hatchway j 
ever knew Random, howsoever intimate 
cUe. 

en I went alone to the Railway to catch my 

I night (Specb had meant to go vrith tne, 

iaoppornincly called out), 1 was in a more 

bic mood with Ddlborough than I had been 

and yet in my heart 1 had loved it all day 

Ah ! who was 1 that I should quarrel with 

n fijf being changed to me, when I myself 

>mc back, ?o changed, to it! All my early 

aad cirly imaginationa dated from this 

I End J look them away so full of innocent 

icliun and guileless bdict, and I brotight them 

worn and ii>ni, io much the wiser and to 

I the wane I 



i 



l6g THE UKCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLei 



Chapter XIII 

MIGHT WALKS 

SOME years ago, a temporary inabilicy to *Ia 
referable to a discressing impressioD, ca 
me to walk about the streets &11 night, for a 
of several nights. The disorder might have 
3 long time to conquer, if it had been taintlf i 
pcrimented on in bed; but, it wa3 soon defeated] 
the brisk treaimenc of getting up direcily after 
(£own» and gobig out, and comhig home 
acnrise. 

Tn the course of those nights, I linished my 
cadon in a Mr amaieur experience of houscSes 
My principal object being to get Through the tii| 
the pursuit of it brought me iBto sympathetic! 
riofli with people who have no other object 
night in the year. 

The month was March, and the weather di 
cloudy, and cold. The sun not rising before 
past five, the night perspective looked Buffidc 
long at lialf-past twelve : which was about my 
for confirontiag it. 

The fesdeasncM of fl great dty, and the wij 
which it tumbles and tosses before it can 
sleep, formed one of the first entcnainmcntj offa 
to the contempktiun of us houseless people, 
lasted about two hours. We lost a great dealj 
companionahip when the late public-houaea 
their lamps out, and when the potmen thniit 
last brawling drunkards ittto the street ; but 
vehicles and ?tray people were left us,-after 
'If wc were very ludcy, a policeman's rattle spl 
and a fifay tinned up; but^ in genera!, iurprisil 
littJe of this diversion was pro^-idcd. ExCiCpt inl 



fmai-ktt, which is the worst kept part of Lon- 
, ind about Kcnr-sircet in the Borough, and 
!g 1 portion of the line of the Old Kent-road, 
ipeacc was aeldom violently broken. But, it 
■prays ihc case that LondoTi, as if in imitation 
Bvuiual dtizeoj bcionging to it, had expiring 
ind btartfi of restlessness^ Aiter all seemed 
I, if one cab rattled hy, half-a-dozen would ^^ 
Y follow ; and H^tigplpstmgaa f^pn_tihiiPT-tf^^ t* 
moju c aced peapi e appea red to ht magnetically U - 
Rpd lowarcfs^eaclL other j go that we ksew |^»? 
ii we saw one dnmiLMi object st^geriiig agauuT) 

ler up before five minutes were out, to 
__ or Jfght with rtP~^WTieh" wiG made a di- 
axrc &0B] lEe regular species of drunkard, the 
nrrocrf, puff-faced, I ead<rn- lipped gin-drink«r, 
encounrurcd a rarer specimen of a more dscedt 
annce, Afty to one bjt thai specirneti was 
led in sDJJied moLtming. As che aireet ex- 
face in the night, so the &treeE experience in the 
■the common folk who come unexpectedly 
Rittlc property, come unexpectedly into a deaJ 
juor. 

t length, these ffickeritig sparks would die away, 
I oat — the last veritable sparks of waking life 
•d 6om some late pieman or hot-potato man — 
London would sink to rest. And thett the 
tjing ol ihc honsclcss mind would be for ary 
of company, any lighted place, any movement, 
BUggrslive of any one heing^ig— -nay, even 
cv2 loo 



looked out 




rjhc 

i ndow s. 

tHe BtrecC^ under the pattering rain, 

lUfle&s would walk and walk and walk, sce- 

g but the interminable tangle of streets, 




l7d tHB tTNCOMMERClAi; 



save at a corner, here and there, two poli< 
cqnversation, or the sergeant or inspecto 
after his men. Now and ihcn in the ni 
rarely — HouaelesBuess would become aw 
furdve head peering oul of & doorway a fi 
before him, and, coming up with the hea' 
find a man standing bolt upright to keep h 
doorway'B shadow, and evidently intent 
parriicukr service to society. Under a kin 
cination, and in a ghostly silence Buitabl 
time, HouselessnesE and dilS gcnileman W 
one another from head to foot, and SO, 
exchange of speech, part, mutual])' 2t 
Drip, drip, drip, from ledge and coplnj 
from pipes and water-spouis, and by-an 
hous.elcss shadow would tal! upon the sti 
pave the way to Waterloo-bridge; it bciu 
boMseiess mind to have a halfpenny wtjrthi 
for saying " Good-oight " to the loll-kei 
catching a glimpse of his fire. A good & 
gotxl greal-coai and a good woollen n« 
Were ciHiifortable things to see in conjanC 
the toll-keeper; also Ms brisk waketulii«H 
celleni: company when he rattled the cJ 
halfpence down upon that metal table 
man who defied the night, with all Jt 
thoughts, and didn't care for the coinini 
There was need of encouragement on 
of the bridge, for the bridge Was d» 
■chopped-up murdered man, had not 
with a rope over the parapet when lJio:i 
were ; he wa» alive, and elept then qujctl' 
moflt likely, and undisturbed by any d 
where he was to come. But the rii 
awful look, the buildings on the banks 
in black shrouds, and the rejected light 



! 



deep in the waier, as if the spectres df 
were holding them lo show where they 
n. The wiid mocn and clouds were at 
an evil coascience in a tumbled bed, and 
thadow of the immensiry of London 
lie oppressiveiy upon the river* 

the bridge and the two great theatres, 
but the distance of a few hundred paces, 
aires came next. Grim and black within, 
those great dry Wells, and lonesome to 
with the rows of faces faded out, the lights 
iicd, and the seats all empty. One would 
t nothing in them fcnew itself at such a 
Yorick'a shul]. In one of my night wnlks, 
Jiurch steeples were shaking the March 
td rain with the strokes of Four, I passed 
boundary of one of these great deserts^ 
red it. With a dim lantern in my hand, I 
y well-tnown way to the stage and looked 
orchestra — which was like a great grave 
time of pestilence — ^into the void beyond. 
cavern of an immetiae aspect, with the 
^ gone dead like everything else, and noth- 
e through mist and fog and space, but tiers 
ig-sheets. The ground at my feet where, 
[ there, I had seen the peasantry of Naples 
among the vines, reckkas of the burning 
which threatened to overwhelm them, 
in possession of a strong serpent ofesgine- 
ichftilly lying in wait for the serpent Fire, 
iy to fiy at it if it showed kt forked 
A ghost of a watchman, carrjiog s. faint 
indje, haunted the distant upper galley end 
ray. Retiring within the proscenium, and 
my Sight above my head towards the 
curtain — freen no more, but black as 



UNCOM 




ebony — my iight ioit itself In * 
showing faint indicauons in ic of ■ shit 
canvas and cordage, Mcthoughi J felt! 
diver might, ae the bottom of the Bca. 

In those small hours when ilierc wj 
mcnc in die streets, it afforded matter fa 
to take NevsTgate in rhe way^ aad, loin 
rough ttone, to think of the prisoners in 
and then to glance in at the lodge dv! 
wicket, and s«e the £re and light of 
turnkeys, on tkc white wall. Not an 
dme chher, tQ linger by that wicked Ut 
Door — shutting tighter thim any atl 
ever aaw — which has been Death's 
many. In the dzys of the uttering of for 
pound notes by people tempted up £roin t 
cry, how many htiDiiJeds of wretched crei 
both seies—many quite innocent— swi^ 
pinlcjB and incoosistent world, with ihfl 
yonder Christian church of Saint Scpulcl 
8trous]y before their eyes ! Is there any 
of the Bank Parlour, by the remorseful aoi. 
directore, in the nighta of these later daj 
der, or is it as quiet as this degenerate 
an Old Bailey f 

To walk onto the Bank, lamentiiig 
tim^s and bemoaning the present evil pe 
be an easy next step, so I would lake it, ai 
make my houseless cB'cuit of the Bank, ai 
thought to the treasure within ; likewisi 
gnard of soldien pasaiog tbe night there, i 
ding over the fire. Next, I went to Bill 
in some hope cjf market-people, but it p: 
yet too early, crowed London-bridgt and { 
by the water-side on the Surrey shore Ui 
buildings oi the great brewery. There : 



fMCOMA^RClAL TRAVELLER 173 



^p>D St the brewery ; and the reek, uid the 
j^vf girsdns, and the rattling of the plump dray 
*ca at their mangBrs, were capital coinpany. 
ice refreshed by having mingled with this good 
rnVj, I made a pew acart vvith a new heart, sei- 
{ the old King's Bench prison hetore me Jbr 017 
':jec:, and resolving, when J should come to 
I,, to thinlE of poor Horace Kiudi, and the 
3t in men. 

carious disease chc Dry Rot in men, and 
fckll to detect the beginning of. It had carried 
mce Kinch inside the wall of the old King's 
irh prison, and it had carried him out wiih his 
I foremast. He was a likely man to look at, in 
I frrinte of life, well (0 do, as clcv'er as he needed 
'he, and popular among many friends. He Was 
libly marrieci, and had healthy and pretty chi]~ 
a. But> like some fsir-looldng houses or fair- 
hbg iiiiipa, he took the Dry Rot. The first 
B^ external revelatian of the Dry Rot in mcr» 
* tendency to lurk and lounge ; to be at sireet- 

twithont iniclligiblc reason ; to be g<^K 
ETC when met j to be about many places 
than at any ; to do nothing ungibic, but to 
n trtertjon of pcrlorniing a variety of in- 
r duties to-morrow or the day after. When 
I RianilVsTalion of the disease is observed, the 
Beer will usually connect it with a vague itn- 
^fel Once ibrmed or received, that the patient 
I^XEtg « Uitle too hard. He will scarcely have 
kittirc w turn it over in his mind and form the 
nnpicion " Dry Rot," when he will notice 
for the worse in the patsciit's appearance : 
alovcnlincss and deterioration, which h, 
ty, hor dirt, nor intoxication, nor itl- 
Ibut tixnply Dry Rot. To this, succeedj a 




e whole structure is devoted, Tfl 
with ttc unhappy Horace Kincli, Jatdl 
amali sufascriprion. Those who kneMj 
nigh done saying, " So well off", so H 
Isbliahed, with such hope before him- 
19 feared, with a alight Touch of Dry I 
lo ! the man was all Dr}' Rot and diisc 
From ihc dead wall associated on 
u with ithia too common story, 
wander by Bethlehem Hospitai ; 
lay on my road round to Westminst 
cause 1 had a night fancy in my he 
be best pursued within sight of its wafl 
And the fancy was this : Are not 
insane equal at night a£ the une 
Are cot all ol* ua outside thia haspit 
more or less in the condition of 
every night of our lives? Arc we n( 
suaded, as they daily are, that wc m 
lOETerously with kings and queens^fl 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 17; 



1 c$xi frequently fly." [ was half ashamed to re- 
flect that so could 1 — ^by night. Said a woman ttfl 
me on ihe same occasian, " (^ueea Victoria tre-M 
quencity comes to dine with me, and her Majesty^* 
■nd I dine off peaches and macaroni m our night- ' 
gowDS, and his Royal HJghneis die Frinte CoDM>rt 
tides as the honour to make a diird on horseback in 
s Field-Marshal's unifbrm." Could I refrain from 

KCDiDg with consdousne&s when I remembered 
qmazing royal parties I myself had given (aC 
t), the cnac countable viands I had put on table, 
«i my extratfrdinary manner of conducting my- 
[ on those distinguished occasions? I wondetJ 
t the grcaU ]iia&ter who knew everything, whenfl 
called Sleep the death of each day's life, did nod 
Dreams the insanity of each day's sanity. Ii 

ly this time I had left the Hospital behind mci 
was again setting towards the river ; and in a 
bitathiag space J waa on Westminater- bridge, 
ig my houseless eyes with the extemal walls 
Bridsh Parliament- — the perfecdon of a siu- 
lui insdtudon, I know, and the admiration of 
all surroLillding nations and succeeding ages, I do 
trot doubt, but perhaps a Ettle die better now and 
then for being pricked up to its work. Turning 
off into Old Palace-yard the Courts of Law kept 
me eompany for a qearter of an hour ; hinring in 
low whispers what numbers of peopSe they were 

tpiDg awake, and how intensely wretched and 
jibie They ivere rendering the small hours lo un- 
bnate luitO'rs. Westminster Abbey was fine 
gloomy aociety !br another quarter of an hour ; 
tuggeating a wonderful proceasioii of its dead 
unong Uic dark arches and pillars, each century 
|dtare amazed by the century following it than by 
^Kbe centuries goin-^ before. And irtdee'^ vr^ vVlow 





a pin's point in all the streets anc^ 
living to come out inlo. Not only tJ 
vast arouca of dead would Overflow 
valleye beyond the city, and would at 
round it, God knows how iar. 

When a church clock slrikcst on 
in the dead of the nighty it may be at ■ 
for i^ompany and hailed as &uch. Bi 
spreading circles of vibration, ivhich yoi 
ceivc at such a time with great clearnesj 
ing out, for ever and ever afterwardl 
perhaps (as the philosopher has suggest* 
Ddl space, the mistake is rectiticd and d 
loneliness is profounder. Once — it vraa 
ing the Abbey and turning my face nort 
to the greet steps of St. Martin's ctm 
clock was strikii^g Three. SuddenljJ 
In a moment more I should have M 
without sceiiig, rose up al my feet wil 

eEiness. and houseleasness, struck out 
the like of which I never he 



[COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 177 

de with its whining mouth as 1/ it: wne 

■g at me, like a worried dog. lotendlDg to 

ugly objcci, money, I put out my hand to 

for it recoiled as it whined and anappcd — 

my hand upon its shoulder. Instantly, it 

out of its gartncntj like the young man in 

ew Testament, and hii me standing alone 

rage in my hand, 
ent-garden Market, when it was marker 
was wonderful company. The great 
na of cabbages, with growers' men and boys 
«sieep under them, and with sharp doga from 
•garden neighbourhoods looking after the 
, were as good as a party. But ddc of the 
night eights I know in London, is to be 
in the children who prowl about this place ; 
llecp in the baskets, fight far the ofFal, dart ac 
ibjeci they think they can lay their thieving 
on, dive under the cares and bjurows, dodge 
Rutablcs, and are perpetually making a blunt 
Ing on the pavement of the Piazza with the 
f their naked feet. A painful and unnatural 
comes of the comparison one is forced to in- 
between the growth of corruption bj dia- 
io the 90 much improved and cared for 
pf the earth, and the growth of corruption a$ 
ftd in these a.11 uncared for (except inasmuch 

-hunted) savages, 
tre was early coFee to be got about Coveat- 
Markct, and that was mare company — 

I company, too, which was better. Toast of 
substantial quality, was likewise procurable: 
I the towzled-headed man who made it, in 
ler chamber within the coffee-room, hadn't 
I coat on yet, and was «o heavy with sfcep 
I every interval of toast and colFce he went 



178 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELUE 

off" anew behind the partidoQ into i^omplii 
tTOSS-roads of diak.ic and snore, aiid lost his 
directly. Into one of these establishments (i 
the earliest) near Bow-sireet, there came one 
ing as I S'St over my houseless cup, poii' 
where to go next, a rran iti & high and long 
coloured coat, and shoes, and, to the belt of 
belief, nothing else but a hat» who toolt out 
hat a large cold meat pudding ; a meat puddil 
large that it wa£ a very tight fit, and broughi 
lining uf the hat out with it. This inysterioui 
was known by his paddiog, for an hia enterinj 
man of sleep brought him a pint of hoc in, 1 1 
Joaf, and h large knife and fork and plate, h 
iilmaelf in his box, he stood the pudding at 
bare table, and^ instead of cutting it, itabbe 
Over-haod, with the kmlk, like a mortal enemy ; 
took the knife itm, wiped it on his sleeve, tnn 
pudding asuntier with his lingers., 2nd ate it tl 
The remembrance of this man with tbe poc 
remain! with me a$ the remembnince of the 
spectral person my hou^eleasness encDunt 
Twice on!y was I in that eatablishmenr, and 
I aaw him stalk in (as I should say, just out of 
>nd presently going back to bed), take out his 
ding, stab his puddingj wipe the dagger, and e 
pudding all up. He was a man whose 
promised cadaverousness, but who had an e3 
ivfly »ed iace, though shaped like a horse's, 
the second occasion of my seeing him, he 
huskily to the man of Bleep, " Am 1 red (o>nig 
" Yoy are/' he un com promisingly answered, ' 
ftiothcr," said the spectre, " was a red-faced wi 
that tikcd drink, and I looked at her hard vrhe 
laid in her cofirti, and I took the complex 
Komehow, the pudding Beemedi an unwhole 




fhen there was no oiiirket, or when I vanicd 

a railway terminus with the morning maik 

in, \va» remuneradve company, fiul like 

ol the compHny to be had in this world* il 

only a very short time. The station lamps 

burst out ablaze, the porters would emerge 

places of concealment, the cabs and truck* 

rattle to iheir places (the post-office carts 

[already in th.eini)j and, Haally, the bell would 

up, and the trdn would come banging in, 

[there were few passengers aod little luggage, 

hreryching scuttled away with the greatest ex- 

The locomotive post-offices, with their 

nets — as if they had been dragging the conn- 

lor bodies — would fly open as to their doors, 

Lwould disgorge a smell of lamp, an exhausted 

, a guard in a red coat, and their bags of let- 

the engirie would blow and heave and per- 

f, %ke an engine wiping its tbrehead and raying 

a run it liad had ; and within ten minutes tha 

were □!!)[> a^d I was hoLLselcsa and alono 



K now, there were driven cattle on the high 
ncv, wanting (as cattle always dt>) to turn 
■the midst of stone walls, and sfjueezc them- 
lives through six inches' width of iron railing, and 
ig their heads dovTn (also 33 cattle altvays do) 
sing.purchase at quite imagbitry dogs» and 
themselves and every devoted creature aaso- 
with them a most extraordinary amount of 
ry trouble. Now, too, the conscious gai 
to grow pale with the knowledge that day* 
wtt coming, and straggling workpeople were 
le streets, and^ as waking life h^d be^ 




^ 



iSo THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL 

corne ezdnguished with the last pieiniin.'s 
it began to be rekindled with the fires of chd 
atreet comer breatlasE-jcilers, Aad 80 by 
and faster degrees, luitiJ the Ust degreea were 
iast, the day came, and 1 was rired and coold 
AndMLjfi_iiot^_a&_I used to think, going ht 
such timcj, the lea^c wonderful thing in 
that in the rea] desert region of the night, 
houEeless wanderer is aJon e the rg.^ I knew 
cnouglTwherc MTinci vice andM is fattune 
kinds, if [ had chosen i but they were pu: o( 
wght, and my houselcssncas had many milea 
miles of streets in which it could, and did, ha% 
own solitary way. 




; that 
y^hoas. 



th 



Chapter XIV 
chameers 

HAVING occasion to tranaacr iome bni 
widi a ^olicitpr who occupies a highly sd 
cidal 8ct cf ehambeM in Gray's Ino, 1 after 
took a turn in the large square of that strong 
ot Melancholy f reviewing^ with congenial 
rouDdio.g&, my experiences of Chambers, 

I btgao, as was natural, with the Chamb* 
had just left. They were an upper set on a 
stajrcajJCr with a mysterious bunk or buikhc 
the landing outside them, of a rather nautit _ 
Screw CollieT'Uke appearance than otherwiw, «B 
painted an intense black. Many dusty years hr 

fiaased since the appropriation of thia Davy Jonei 
acker to any purpose, and during the whole p( 
within the memory of living man, it has 
haaped and padlocked. I cannot quite sada^ 
mind whether it was or^gLoally ouant for 



coali, or bcHclieSf or as a place of tcm- 
mrity for die pkndcr *' looted " by laun- 
lut I incline to ttic lust opinion. It is 
ut high, and usually serves as a bullc for 
in reduced circumstances to lean against 
it, when ihcy come on the hopetiil er^ 
dying to make an arrangement without 
Bider which aiispicious circumstances tt 
ppena that the legal ganJenoaa they want 
much engaged, and they pervade the 
or a considerable period. Against thb 
balk, in the absurdest manner, the totnb- 
door of the solicitor's chambers (which 
an intense black) stands in dark ambush, 
, and half shut, ail day. The solicitor's 
are three in number ; consisting of a 
dl, and a wedge. The slice is assigned 
J clerks, the cdl is occupied by the prin- 
the wedge is devoted to stray papers, old 
;tt8 from the country, a waahing-stand, 
iel of a patent Ship's Caboose which was 
in Chancery at the commencement of the 
tmy on an application tor an injuncdon 
in&ingejnent. At about half-past nine 
week-day morning, the younger of the 
» (who, I have reason to believe, leads 
m at Pentonville in the articles of pipes 
i) may be found knocking the dust out of 
door-key on the bunk or locker before 
I and BO exceedingly subject to dust ia 
d io very retenrive of that superfluity, 
Cep^onal auHimcr weather when a ray of 
lu ^llen on the Eockcr in my presence, I 
sed its inexpressive countenance to be 
by a kind of Bratnah eryupeks or 



iSa THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEl 



This act of chambers (as I have ffada, 
covered, when I have had restless occasion 
inquiries or leave messagCB, after office hours) ii 
ider tiie clutrge of a lady named S^v< 

ire extremely like an old tamily-ui-. _ 
whose dwcllitig coti&oms a dead wall in a couic d 
Gnty's Imi-lane, and who is usual))' fecched 
the passage of that bgwcr, when wanced, 
tome neighbouring home of industry, which 
the curious property of imparung an inHammif 
appearance to her visage. Mrs. Sueeney ia oi 
the race of professed laundresses, aod ii dbe 
pilcr of 3 remarkable tnauuscHpt volmne enti 
" Mrs* Swccucy'a Book," fi"oiii which much 
o\is sCansUcal inibrmaUDn may be gschered fctf 
ing the high prices acd small usc^s of 8odit» 
sand, iirewQQd, and other such articles. J 
created a legend in my nuud — and conteque 
believe it with the utmost pertinacity— ^that ihej 
Mr, Sweeney was a ticket -pone r under the 
curable Society of Gray's Inn, and thai, in 
sideration of ids long and valuable services^ 
Swee-ney was appointed to her present post. For, 
though devoid of personal charms, I have observed 
this lady to exercise a fascination over the cldfflj 
ticket-porcer mind f particularly under the gate^ 
and in comers and entries), which I can only 
10 her being one of the fraternity, yet not comj 
ing VTiUi it. All that need be said concerning ihi 
set of chambers, is said, when i have added thiil i 
is in a large double house in Gray'a^ Inn-sqiuu 
very iniich oct of repair, and that tlie outer 
is omainetited in a hideona manner with 
ttonc rcmainfl* which have the appearance 



1 



disthembered 
It her. 



bust, torso, and lixnbs of 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 1^5 

Indeed, I look Upon Gray'» Inn generally as one 
of the mosr depresaing instimrions in brick and 
mortar, known 10 the children of men. Can any- 
ihing be more dreary than its arid S<]ilflrei Saharah 
Pescn of the law, with the ugly old tiled-topped 
teJcmciiEs, the dirty windows, the bills To Let To 
Lct» the dqar-posta kiaclibecf like gravcstancSj, the 
crazy gateway giving upon the filthy Lanc» the 
Kowling iron-barred prison-like pas^sagc into Vcm- 
Iwn-buil dings, tlic mouldy red-nosed ticteT-porter» 
with little coffin plates and why wjih aprons* the 
dry hard atomy-like appearance of the whole duat- 
bcap ? When my uncommercial travels tend to 
thi* disma! spot, iry comfort is its rickety state, 
fmaginadon gloats over the ftilness of time whew 
the stairca&es shall have quite tumbled down — chc^ ' 
trz daily wearing into an ill-savoured powder, but 
have nor quite tumbled down yet — when the fast 
old prolix bencher aJl of the olden time, ahdll have 
been got out of an upper window by means of i. 
Fire Ladder, and carried off to the Holhom 
Union ; when the last clerk ahall have engrossed 
the kst parchment behind :he last splash on the las^t 
of the mad-stained windows, which, all through 
lie miry year, are pilloried ont of recognition in 
Gray's Irm-lanc. Then, shall a squalid little 
trench, with rant gra&s and a pump in it, lying be- 
tween the coffee-house and South-square, be 
vhoily given up to cats and rats, and not, as now, 
have its empire divided between those animals aod 

Kv briefless bipeds — surely called to the Bar by 
s of deceiving spirits, seeing that ihcy are 
ed there by no mortal — who glance down. 
Width eyes better glazed than their casements, frorrt 
their dreary and lack-lastrc rooms. Then shall the 
way Nor' Wcjiward, now lying utidw % tWitx. 



C84 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



I 



L 



griin cglonqatiA where in auTnmef tune pounce 
from law stationering windows into the eya 
laymeo, be choked with rubbish and happily a 
come impaasable. Then shall the gardens wfc 
turf, trees, and gravel wear a legal livery of bite 
run rank> and pilgrims go lo Goihrnmhary to 
Bacon's effigy as he sat, and not come ho-e (wl 
in mich they seldom do) to see where he wa 
Then, in a word, shall the Qld-catablished veci! 
of pefiodicals sit alone in his little crib of « th 
behind the Hoibam Gate, like that lamb* 
Marius among the ruins of Carthage, who hu 
heavy on a thousand million of simileB. 

At one period of toy uncommercial carter I 
much frequented another set of chambers in Graf 
Inn-square. They were what 13 laniiliarly cali 
" a Cop !et»" and a.If the ralabl-GB and drinkables 11 
troduced into them acquired a flavour of Cocttlof 
I have known an unopened SLrasbourg pate 
from FortDum end Mason's, to draw in thJB 
loft tone through its crockery dish, and becc 
penetrated with cockloft to the core of ita inmc 
truffle in three-quarterB of an hour. This, he 
ever^ was not the most curious fearure of the 
chambers ^ that, consisted in the protoond com 
tion entertained by my cstecired friend Pirh 
(their tenant) that they were clean. Whether i 
was an inborn haJladnation, or whether it was 
parted to him by Mrs. Miggot the SaundrciiiJ 
never could ascertain. But, I believe he 
have gone to the stake upon the quefltion. Nc 
they were so dirty that I could take otF the 
tinctcat impression of my figure on any ardcle ■ 
fiirniturc by merely lounging upon it Iqr a few 
menTs; and it used to be a private amuacinent' 
mine to print myself oW — if I may use the exi 



I THE, UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER iSj 

IB — *^ o^cT the rooms. It vrta the iirst large 
Qrculation I had. At Other times I have accident 

tally shaken a window curtais whik in enimated 
converiatiou wich Paikle, and struggling insects 
which weie Certainlj' red, and were certainly Hot 
Jadyhirtij, have dropped on the back of my hand, | 
Ycl Parklc bved in that lop aet years, bound body 
aod soul to the auperstlcioD that they were cleall. 
He used to lay, when congratulated upon theniy 
" Weil, they are not like chamberai in one reapect, 
you know; they are clean." Concurrcndy, he 
had an idea wbJch he could never eaplaiD, that 
Mrs. Miggot was in some way connected with the, 
Church, When he was in parucularly good \ 
spirits, he used to believe that a deceased uncle of ( 
hers had been a Dean ; when he was poorly and 
low, he believed that her brother had been a 
CoraCe. I and Mrs. Miggot (she was a genteel 
womai)) were on confidential cenns, but I never 
kocw her to commit herself to any disdnci assertion 
m the subject; &hc merely claimed a proprictorahip 
in ihe Church, by looking when it was mentioned, 
IS if the reference awakened the slumbering Past, j 
and were personal. It may have been his amiable 
confidence in Mra. Miggot's better daya that inepiredl 
my friend with his delusion respecting the cham- 
bers, but he never wavered in his fidelity to it for a 
cipmcnt, though he watlcwed in dirt seven years, j 
Two of the windows of these chambers looked-j 
down into the garden; and we have sat up there 
together many a summer evening, saying ho^ 
pleaaani it wai, and talking of many things. To 
yBS^ intiniflcy with that top set, I sm indebted for 
^^■e ftf my liveliest persona! imprepsions of tht 
^^■Eness of life in chambers. They shall follow 
^B, in order } Ath, setoiid, and third. 




fnm 1 was uiucu sui piucu uy 
feech in Picld-court, Gray's Inn, 
way to the West End of London. A 
was sfonc, and was of course unable ta 
position, even if he had been incli 
(which he had not the appearance 
passed him and went on. TumiilL 
of Gray's Inn-stjuaie, I was beyond 
amazed by meeting another leech 
alone, and also proceeding in a wes 
though with less decision of purpose, 
on this extraordinary circumaiaJice, 
ing to remember whether I had e 
Philosophical Transactions or any Wi 
History, of a migration of LeecheB, 
the top ECt, past the dreary series 
doors of offices and an empty set 
iniervencd between thet lofty repou' 
face. Entering my friend's rooma, 
itretched upon his back, like Prom _ 
with 3 pcrtectly demented ticket-portd 
ance on him instead of the Vulture ; wh 
individual, who was feeble and trightcni 
(my friend explained to me, in grcst c 
endeavouring for come hours to apply Ic 
leg, and as yet had only got on two 
To this Unfortunate's distraction bi 
cloth on which be had placed the Ico 
them, and the wrathliil adjurarians of n 
■' SticI: *ein on, air ! " T referred the ph( 
had encountered : the rather as two fini 
were n that nriOBneiit going tmt 




[tut at thtsl 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVBLLER iSyt 1 

insurrection of the rest was in progress on 
ftjijle. After s while our united efforts prp*fl 
sd, and, when the leeches came off and had la^M 
covered iheir apirics, \vc carcfuUv tied, them up in cl 
l^witer. But 1 never heard more of chem rhaita 
^H^they were a!) gon? next mortiing, and that th.s,| 
^H-of-door young man of tiickle Busli and Bodgert 
|Hlhc ground Hoor, had been bitleu and blnoded 
^^some creature not idendfied. They never 
"took" on Mrs. Miggot, the laundress; but» I 
hive always preserved iresh, the belief that she un- 
consciously carried several about her, until they 
ITiduLxlly found openings in life ' ' ■ 

Second, On the same staircase with my fiien^ij 
Pkrkle, and on the same floor, there lived a maiij 
^^law who pursued his business elsewhere, ^n4« 
^n those chamherii aa his place of residence. Fat I 
^Re w four years, Parlcle rather knew of him thaftl 
linew him, but after that — for Englishttien^-ahnrtJ 
pjuie of consideratiotif they began to apeak. Parkl« 1 
ffiihanged words wiih him in his private charactef I 
™ly, and knew nothbg of iia business ways, of I 
iriMns. He was a man a good deal about towmB 
fcui alwavB alone. We used to remark to one an* 
inker, ihat although we often encountered him m 
theatres, concert-rooms, and jimilaj public places, 
_he wrtj alwaye alone. Yet he was not a gloomy 
B, and was of a decidedly conversational Earn ; 
luch that he would samctimea of an evening 
Dgc with a cigar in his mouth, half in and half 
[of Farkic's rooms, and discuaa the topics ot the 
ibv the hour. He used to hint on ihcic occi- 
ibsC he had four t'avilts to find i\ith hfe ; firstly, 
it obliged a man to lie always »\inding up his 
■h ; lecoDdlv. that Londiin was too small ; 
lly, that if therefore wanted variety ■, fo\ii^\^ * 



tSS THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL! 



thic there was too much dust in it. Tberc 
much dust in his own faded chamberSj, cer 
that they reminded me of a sepuJchre, Himiil 
prophetic andcipadon of the present dmv, 
had newly been brought to light, atter havii 
maiaed buried a tew ihousand years. Oi 
hot autumn eveEuig at twilight, thig man, 
then five years turned oi" fiity, looked in is^ 
Pariclc in his usual lounging way, with his d.j 
kia month as muaU anii sai^> " i *tii going 
towti." As he never went out of town, 
said, " Oh indeed I At last ? " " Yea," ai) 
"at last. For what ia a man to do? Lone 
so small I li" you go Wc5tj you came to 
low. If you go Easr, you come lo Bow. 
go South, there's Brixton or Norwood. Jf ; 
North, you can't get rid of BameC. The 
monotony nf all the streets, streets, street 
all the roads, roads, roads — and the dust, 
dust ! " When he had said this, he wished 
a good evening, but came back again and isaid. 
hia watch in his hand, " Oh, I really canaot 
winding up this watch over and over again ; Ij 
you would take care of it." So, Parkle In 
and ccnscntcd, and the ni*n went out of 
The rtati remained out of town so long, tJ 
letter-bos became choked, and no more 
codd be got into it, and they began to be 
the lodge and to accumulate there. At la 
head-porter decided, on conference witl 
steward, to use his mastei-key nnd look int 
chambers, and give them the benefit of a wl 
air- Then, it was found that he had hangcc 
self to his bedstead, and had left this written 
oftttiduTTj : " 1 should prefer to be cut down 
neighbour and ^end (if he wiU allow nic 



JTHB UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER iSg 

lo), H. Parkle, Esq." This was nn end of 
's occupant')' of chambcra. He went into 
iga immediately^ 
rd. While Parkle lived in Gray's Ina, and 
self was uncorarnercialU' preparing for the Bar 
-which is doce, as everybody knows, by having a, 
Hyed old gown pat on bi a pantry by an old woman, 

I a chronic state of Saint Axittony's fire and dropsy, 
ad, so decorated, bolting a bad dinner in a party 

whereof each individual inistrusrs the other 
-I say, while these things were, there was ft 
\a elderly gentlerasn who lived in a coart of 
Temple, and was A gtCAt judge and lover of 
I wine. Every day he dined at his club snd 
his bottle or two of port ivinc, and every 
cam? home to the Temple and went to bed 
B his lonely chambers. This had gone on many 
ran without vanadon^ when one night he hud a, 

II OB coining home, and fell and cut his head deep* 
tB partly recovered and groped about in the dark 
b nod the door. When he wbs afterwards ttis* 

red, dead. It was clearly established by the 

of his hands about the rcwm that he must 

done so. Now, this chanced on the night of 

tu EvcjK and over him lived a young fellow 

had sisters and young conntry-iriends, and 

gave them a little party that night, in the 

of which they played at Blindman^s BuiK 

played that gatne, for their greater spart, by 

light of the fire only ; and once, when they 

ill quietly rustling and stealing about, and the 

in was trying to pick out the prettiest sisier 

^hich I am far from blaMng him), somebody 

HmIi ! The man below must be playing 

'• Buff by him&elf to-night ! They lia- 

•nd they heard sounds of some one falling 



A 



I9a THE UNCOMMERCIAl, TRAVELLEI 



fthout and scumbling &paau furniture^ tad c) 
laughed at the conceit, and went on with 
play, more lighthearted and merry than 
frbus, thoac two BO different games of liie| 
death -were played out together, bllnd&ldcd,. il 

ijEwo sets of chambers. 

Such are the occurrences, which, coming coj 
Jtnowledge, imbued me long ago with a st 

, fensc of the loneliness of chambers, There 

' &nta&tic LLIustration to much the same purpo&e 

■plicidy believed by a strange sort of man now 
whom I knew when J had not quite arhi 
legal years of discretlaD, though 1 was slreAd| 

I the nncommerckl line. 

This was a man who, though not more 

' thtrty^ had seen die world in divers iirecoiK 
Capacities— had been an officer in a Soiilh Ame 

I regiment among other odd things — but hadj 
achieved much in any way of life, and waa in 
and in biding^ He occupied chambers ot 
dreariest nature in Lyona inn ; his name, how( 
was not up on the door, or door-poa:, bui im 
of it stood the name of a friend whp had died i| 
chambers, and had given him the furniture, 
story arose out of the fiimiture, and was to thii 
feci : — Let the former holder of the chamj 
whoae name was atill upon the door and door*] 
be Mr. Testator. 

Mr. Testator took a set of chambers in 
Jnn when he had but very scanty ftimitoiT fe 
bedroom, and none for his aitting-Toom. He 
lived some whitry months in this eondicioD, 
had foynd it Very bare and cold. One night,4 
midnight, when he sat writing and still had vi 
to do thai must be done before he wen lo 
foiind hiitiself out of coals. He had coalft 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 191 

It had never been to his cellar ; however 
W'kcy Wis on his mantelshelf, and if he 
loWD and opened the cellar k fitted, he might 
[y assume ihe coals in that cellar to be his. As 
lucdrees, ^e lived amoDg the coal-waggoDi 
jm watermen — for there were ThamcB 
icn at that time — in some unknown rat-hole 
the river, down lanes and alleys on the other 
the Strand. As to any other person to 
^m or obsTmct hlra, Lyons Inn waa drcam- 
jnt, maudlin, moody, betting, brooding over 
iTDuncing or renewing — asleep or awake, 
)ig its own afiairs. Mr, Testator took hi? 
jttle in one hand, his candle and fcey in the 
[and descended to the dismallcst undergraund 
Lyons Inn, where the kfe veiiiclcs in the 
Msecajne thunderous, and all the water-pipes 
neighbourhood seemed to have Macbeth's 
[sticking iti their throats, and to be trying to 
It. After groping here and there among 
to no purpose, Mr. Testator at length 
a door with a rusty padlock which hi* key 
id. Getting the door open with mutrb trouble, 
' looking in, he found, no coals, but a confused 

i furniture. Alarmed by thia intrusion on 
roan's property, he locked the door again., 
a own cellar, filled his scuttle, and returned 

ithe fumitarc he had seen, ran on castors 
and across Mr. Testatw's mind incessandy, 
in the chill hour of five in the morning he 
^ bed. He particularly wanted 1 table to 
il, and a tabic expressly made to hn written 
lad been (he piece of furnirure in the foreground 

theap. When hia laundress emerged trora 
ow in the morning to make his kettle heal, 
^^^^^^^^MOsi 



193 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVJ 



he artfully led qp m the subject of 
nituTC ; bat the two jdeai had eviden 
oexiaii in her mind. Wben she left 
sat at hi: breakfast, thmkitig about the 
recalled the rusty suie of tLe padlock, ani 
that the fjmilDre must hsve been Btorcd 
lars for & long time — was perhaps foj-gotle 
dead, po-haps ? After thinldiig it o 
days, in die course of which he could pTxa 
ing Out of LyoELB Inn abuut the furnitur' 
came desperate, »nd resolved to borrow 
He did so, that night. He had not had 
long, when he determined to borrow on ei 
he had not had that long,, when he m 
mind CO borrow a bookcase ; then, a couc 
i carpet and mg. By that unie, he lelt 
'" in iumjturc stepped in so iar," 6o that it 
no worse to borrow it all. Conseijucntly, 
rowed it all, and locked up the cellar f 
He had always locked it, ailer every v^ 
had canied up every separate article in the 
the night, and, at the best, had felt ai wiq 
ResurrcctioQ Man. Every article was \ 
furry whej) brought into bif rooms, an^ 
had, in a murderous and guilty son of 
polish it up while London ^lept. 

Mr. Testator hved m his furnished i 
two or three years, or morej and gradua 
himself into the opinion that the tiirmtur^ 
own. This was his convenient state of mi] 
late one nighty a etcp came up the gtau 
hsnd passed over his door feeling for his 
xud then one deep and soleniii rap was raj 
might have been a spring b Mr. Teatato 
chair to ahoot him aut of ii 



tended with thai eJfect. 



pronii 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 193 

With a caodlc in hie hand, Mr. Testator wejii 
(0 the door, and found there, a very pale and very 
tall man; a man who stooped; 2 man whh very 
iiigh shoulders, 3 very narrow chest, and a very 
ftd nose ; a. shabby -gcniccl man. He was wrapped 
a a long threadbare black coat, fasteried up the 
front with more pins than buctons, and under his 
<rm he squeezed an umbrella, without s hmdlc, as 
if he were playbg bagpiper. He said, " I ask 
your pardon» but can you tell me - — " and 
icopped ; his eyes resting on some object within the 
chambers^ 

•• Can 1 tell you what ? " asked Mr, Testatar, 
l?adng his stoppage with quiek alarm. 

" I ask your pardon," said the atranger, " but — 
ihis is not the inquiry I was going to jnatc— ja'f I 
•cc b there, any BjnaU »rtide of propeny belonging 
ta nvf?" 

Mr. Testator waj beginning to stammer that he 

was not aware — when the visitor slipped past him, 

into the chambers. There, in a goblin way which 

T&me Mr. Testator to the marrow, he examined, 

^H^ the writing-table, and said, *' Mine;" then, 

HRcasy-chair, andaaid, " Mine ; " then, the bnok- 

caae, and said, ** Mine ; " then, turned up a corner 

the carpet, and said, " Mine ! " in a word, in- 

tted every item of fiimiturc from the cellar, in, 

Ksaion, and said, " Mine ! " Towards the end 

lis Investigadon, Mr. Testator perceived that he 

sodden with liquor, and that the liquor ivas 

He was not unsteady with gin, either in Ids 

ech or cxrriage ; bi;t he was stif with ,^n in 

particolsrs. 

!r. Testator was 10 a dreadful state^ for (ac- 

_«Mdiag to his making out of the story) the posaibk 

lucncei of what he had done iti rectlctsnew 



Kk^i 



rik 



194 THE UNCOMMERCIAi, TRAVELLl 



and hardihocd, Auhed upon him in their tiilt 
the firjt rime. When chey had stood gazing zl 
another for a little while* he tremqioufrly begin : 
** Sir, I am conactoDs chat the Hillcst explanatia 
cDHipensariofl, and r^stitudon, arc your due. 
shall be j-oura. Allow me lo entreat that, 
iemj>er, without even natural irritation on yout] 
we mj«y hsve s litdc' 




"Drop of something to drink/' btc 

stranger. ** I am agreeable." 

Mr. Testator had intended lo j»y, "a lictlei 
coa versa don," but with great relief of minttadupti 
the aitiCndmeDI, He produced » decanter of ^ 
and was bustling about for hot water und eoff 
when he found that his visitor had already dnu 
half of [he decanter's contents. With hoi w^ 
and sugar the visitor drank the remainder befdH 
had beeu an hour in the chambers by the chinfl 
the church of St. Mary in the Strsnd j and diH 
the prcn:ess he frequently whispered to 
" Mine ! " 

The gin gone, and Mr. TeatHtor woa^ 
what wfla to follow it, the vititur rose and 
with increased stiffheis, " At what hour 
morning, sir, will it be convenient f" Mrj 
tator hazarded, "At ten?" "Sir," eai( 
visitor, ** at ten, to the moment, I shall be 
He then contemplated Mr. Testator somcwl 
leisure, and said, " God blesa you ! How ia} 
wife?" Mr. Testator (who never had a wlie^ 
plied with much feeling, *• Deeply anxiout, pt 
soul, but otherwise well." The risitor thcreup 
turned and went avvay, and fell twice in 
down-staira. From that hour he was never 
of. Whether he was a ghost, or i spectral ij 
of cniiscience, of a druniien ij\m who had 



% or the drunken rightful owner of the 
with a cransuory gleam of memory ; 
he got safe home, or had no home to get 
lether he died of lirjuor on the way, or lived 
»r ever afterw'ards ; he never ivbs beard of 
This was the story, rec«ved with the fur- 
held to be 3S substantial, by its second 
in in upper act of chambers la grim Lyons 

to be rem^lced of chambers in genersl, that 
lust have been built for chambers, to have the 
5 kiud of loneliness, Vou may make a great 
ig-faouse very lonely, by isoUtiag suites of 
land calling them chambers, but yuu cannot 
Ithe true kind of loneliness. In dweiHing- 
thcre have been fumily festivals ; children 
3wn in rhem, girl* have bloomed into women 
1, counahips and marriagea have taken piace 
True chambers never were young, child- 
Idden^y ; never had dolls in them, or rocking- 
, or christenings, or betrothals, or little coffins. 
ly'i Inn ideniify the child who first touched 
id hearts with Robinson Crusoe, in any one 
itny " seta," and that child's little staitue, in 
larble with a golden ingcripdon, shall be ai 
llice, at my coat and charge, as a drinking 
for [he spirit, to freshen its thirsty square, 
icalij's proauce fham all its housea, a twcnd- 
|tiie procession derivable from anv dwclling- 
►ne-(wcntieih of its age, of lair yanng bride* 
rird for love and hope, not settlements, and 
Vice- Chancellors shaJl thenceforward be 
OLVscgays for nothing, on application to the 
(iiercof. It is not denied that on the tensce 
tdelphi, or in any of the streets of that sub- 
■n^iUble^ haunted spot, or abont Bedtbrd-^row, 



i 



or Jtmes-strect of that ilk (a grewsomc" 
anywhere among the neighbourhoods that i 
flowering and have run to eccd, yodB 
Chambers replete with the accommijj 
Solitude, Closenesa, and Darkness, wbef€ 
be as low-epirited as in the geaiiinc trl 
might be as esuly muTdered, with the pis 
urion of having merely gone down to t^ 
But, the many waters of life did run J 
those dry channels once ;— among the mi 
The ojily popular legend known in reladl 
one of die liuH family of lens, it a dark G 
whisper coDcerniiig Clement's, and impoi 
the hlacfc creature who holds the 8un-dia|g 
a Degro who slew hb master and bui^| 
pile out of the contents of his strong - 
which architectural offence alone he ougt 
been condemned to live in it. Bat, wl 
would waste fancy upon such a place,] 
Inn, Staple Ino, Barnird's Inn, or 
shabby crew ? 

The genuine Isundress, too, is an iil3t!l 
to be had in its entirely out of and awaj 
genuine Chambers. Again, it is not do 
you may be robbed elsewhere. El 
may have— for lUDney — dishonesty, 
dirt, lazjncsj, and profound incapadtj 
veritable shining-red -laced shameless Jat 
true Mrs. Sweeney — in figure, colour^ 
smell, like the old damp family uml 
top complicated abominatinn of Btocldng 
bonnet, liirpncs&, looseness, and Ixrccny 
to be drawn at the fauntain-hcad. M^ 
ia beyond the reach of individual art. ^ 
the united e^rts of several men to cQ 
jgrcai result, and it is only deyelc/ped jn 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER Jgr 

Hauourable Society ami in 20 Inn of 



Chapter XV 

nurse's stories 

RE are not many places that I iind it mort 
bk to revisit when J gin in an idle 
tiun some places to whJck I have n'Cver 
For, my acquaintance witli Uidsc spoia is of 
g ftianding, and has ripcued irtto an i&d- 
f of so affectionate a nature, Lha.t J taie a paT- 
ai inceresc in assLuing myself that they arc un- 
gcd. 

jaevcr wai in Robinson Cnisoc's Island, yet J 
tly return there. The colony he eatebliahed 
Q faded away, and it is uninbabiLcd by any 
dants of the grave and cpurtcoua Spaniard9> 
Wm Atkins and the other mucitieera, and has 
id into its original condition. Not a twig of 
ker houses temainsf its goats hsve lung^ run 
giuT), its screaming parratg would darken the 
th a doud of many flaming colours if a gan 
Ircd there, no fece is ever reflected in the 
ol'the little crecit which Friday swam acrosa 
pursued by his two brother cannibals with 
Bed utomachs. Aiicr comparing notes with 
travellers who have similarly revisited the 
id ind conscjentiouely inspected it, I have 
myself that i: contains no vestige of 
na'a domesticity or theology, though his 
tiie memorable evemng o) hi* landLig to 
captain ashore, when he wia decoyed about 
d about undl it was dark, and his boat wu 
d his strength and BplHth tailed him, ia yet 



igS THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVKLl 



pkinly CO fae traced. Sa i$ the hill-tpp on 
Robinson was struck damb with joy when tl: 
staled captain pointed to the ship, riding 
half a mile of th? share, that wag to bcaf 
away» in th« uine-and-cwcntieih year of bit. scd 
Bion in that lonelj" place. So is the sandy ba 
on which the memarable fbdtstfip was JinpresM 
and where the savages hauled up their canoci wh 
they canie ashore for ihose dreadiiil public dl 
ncrs, which led ta a dancing worse ih^n spMC 
making. So is the cave where the Astrng ej 
the old goat made such a goblin appearance ; 
dark. So is the site of the htit where Rot 
lived with the dog and the parrot and the ca 
where he endured those first agonies of sot 
which — strange to say — never involved any 
fimcies ; a circuimscance so very remarkable,, 
perhaps he left out Bomerhing in writing his ren 
Round hundreds, of such objects, hidden in the i 
tropical ibliagc, the tropical sea breaks ever 
and Over them the tropical sky, saving in the 
rainy season,, shines bright and cloudless. 

Neither, was I ever belated among woh 
the borders of France and Spain ; nor, did I^ 
when night vi-as cb&ing in and the ground was ct 
crcd with snovi', draw up my little company amo 
some felled trees which served as a breastwork,* 
there fire a train of gunpowder so dexterously il 
suddenly we had three or four score blazj 
wolves illuminating the darkness around us. Ni 
erthpless, I occaBJonally go back to that dismal 
gion and perform the feat again j when indeed 
smell ihe singeing and the frying of the wol 
aftrc, and to see them scttiijg one another alighl 
they rush and tumble, and to behold them roDi 
in the snow vainly atCetnpting to put thcmselveKi 



I 



INCOMl 



499 



ar their bowlings taken up by all the 
B»eill as by all the uRKcn woJvcB within 
makes me tremble. 

Fcr in the robbers' cave, where Gil Bias 
I dlEcti go back there and find the trap- 
ta heavy to raise as it used to be, while 
d old disabled Black lies everlasditgly 
bed. I was never in Don Quijcote'i 
tre he read his books of chivalry until he 
lacked at imaginary giants, acd ihen re- 
rnseli with great draughts of water, yet 
I'x move a book in ir without my knowl- 
pfith my consent. I was never (think 
n company with die little old woman 
ed out of the chest and tald the merchant 
go in starch of the Talisman of Orci- 
I make it my business to know that she 
eervcd and as intolerable as ever, I was 
le schoal where the hoy Horatio Nelson 
'. bed to steal the pears : not because he 
r, but because every other boy was afraid : 
several times been back to this Academy, 
1 ]ct down OUT of window with a sheet, 
^tmascus, and Bagdad, and Brobrngnag 
1 the curious fate of being usually tnis- 
written), and Ltlliput, and Laputa, and 
ind Abyssinia,, and the Ganges, and the 
e, nnd many hundreds of places — I was 
leni, yet it is an aftair of my life to keep 
[, and I atn always going back to them. 
icn I was in Dullborough one day, revis- 
issociationj of my childhood as recorded 
pages ot' these notes, my experience in 
OS made quite inconsiderable and of no 
f the quantity of places and people — 
kouiblc places and people, bai none the 



5QO TKe UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVBLLSS 



^ 



Icia alarmingly real— that I found I h» 
troduced to by my purse before I waa tiK yc 
old> and used w be forced to go back to u 
without at all wanting to go. if wc all knew 
own minds (in a mort enlarged aenjc than 
popular acceptation of that phraae), I suspect 
shokdd find our nurses responsible for xnost of 
dark comers we arc forced to go back to, 
our wills. 

The first diabolical character who 
himself on my peaceful youth (as I called to c 
that day at Dullhorough^^ was a certain Caf 
Murderer. This v\Tctch mntit have been an 
shoot of the Blue Beard family, but I had no 
picion of the consanguinity in those tiniei. 
warning name would seem to have awakened 
general prejudice against hiir;^ for he was 
ittto the best society and possessed imraense we 
Captain Murderer's miaaion was matriroony, 
the gratificadon of a cannibal appetite with tc; 
brides. On his marriage morning, he alt 
ca-ased both sides of the way to church to 
planted iviih curious flowers ; and when hia 
said, " Dear Captain Murderer, I never saw flc 
erg like ihsse before; what are they called?" 
answered, " They are called Garnish for hon 
limb," and laughed at his ferocious practical 
in a horrid manner, disquieting the tninda of 
Dobte bridal company, with a very sharp show ' 
teeth, then displayed for the first dmc. He 
love tj5 a coach and six, and married io a ec 
and twelve, and all his horses were milk-wt 
hoMes with one red spot on the back which 
caused to be hidden by the harness. Fpr, the 
tt/fiiiU come there, though every horse was 
white when Captain Murderer bought him. 



tpot was young bride's blood. (To iliis :er- 
point I am indebted for my first personal cx- 
jce of * shudder and rold bead5 On ihe fore- 
.) When Captain Murderer had made an end 
tsCing and revelry, and had dismissed the 
guests, and was alone with his wife on the 
month after their marriage, it was his whim- 
custom to produce a goldeU rollizig-piD and a 
pic'board. Now, there was this spedal 
in the Captain's courtships, that he always 
if the young lady could make pic-cntst ; and 
couldn't by nature or education, she wa* 
il. Wdl. When the bride saw Captain 
rderer produce the golden rolling-pin and silver 
3oard, she remembered this, and turned up her 
'Vik sleeves to make a pie. The Captain 
Ight out a silver pie-difh of immense capaciry^ 
the Captain brought oai flour and butter and 
and all things needfiU, except ihc inside of the 
of matcriala for the staple of the pie itself, 
Captain brought out none. Then said the 
Jy bride, ** Dea- Captain Mordercrt what pie 
to be?** He replied, "A meat pie." 
aaid the lovely bride, " Dear Captain Mur- 
I see DO meat." The Captain humorously 
red, •• Lodk in the glasa." She looked in the 
but 3til! she saw no meat, and then the Cap- 
roared with laughter, and suddenly frowning 
idmwing his iword, bade her roll out the crusi. 
rolled out the cnist, dropping hrge tears 
it all the time bc^Tause he was so cross, and 
ihc had lined the dish with crust ard had cut 
Icrust all ready to fit the top, the Captain called 
♦/sec the meat in the glii&s ! " And the 
looked up at the glass, just in time to see the 
rutting her head og*; and he chopped her 




U.J 

'4 



the fiflr twin bved him, and thgM 
hated him, so he chofie the fair onejfl 
twin would have prevented the man^ 
could, but she couldn't ; however, on the 
fore it, much Buspecting Captain Mure 
stole out and climbed his garden wall, 
in at his window through a chink in the 
Mw him having his tectb filed sharp." 
&hc listened all day, and heard him mafa 
about the house-lamb. And that day^ 
had the paste toUed out} dad cut thi 
head off, and chapped her in pieces, ai 
her, and salted her, acd ^ut her in 
sent it to the baker's, and ate it all, 
bones. 

Now, the dark twin had had he 
much increased by the £liiig of the Cap 
and again by thcbouac-lamb joke. Putt 
together when he gave out that her Mito*] 
she divined the cnith, iind determine 



:tER 



tiis window, and agaia saw h:ii) having 
ftlcd sharp. At this sight she laughed 
trrible laugh at the chink In the shutter, 
ptain's blood curdled, and he Mid ; " I 
ling has disagreed with me ! " At that, 
td again, a sdll more terrible !a:ugh, and 
T was opetied and search made, bat she 
\y gonCj and there wa& tio one. Next 
went to church in a coach and twelve, 
married. And that day mnnh, &he 
piq-cnisi nut, and Cnpiain Miirderei: cut 
olf, and chopped her in pieces, and pep- 
, And sahed her, iuid puc her in the pic. 
; to the baker's, and ate it ali, and pickect 

eTofc she began to roll out the paste she 
a deadly poison of a most awful char- 

illed from toads' eyes and spiders' knees ; 

iain Murderer had hardly picked her last 
;n he began to swell, and tti turn blue, 
all over spots, and to scream. And he 
swelling and turning bluer, and 'aatng 

jrvcr spots Had screaming, until he revrhed 
' to cdling and from wail to wall ; and 
ne oVloclc in the mortuag, he blew up 
d explosion. At the sound of it, a|] (he 
: boraes in the stables broke their halters 
mad, and then they galloped over cvery- 
!aptain Murderer^s honse (beginning with 
bkcksmith who had lited his teeth) unri] 
e were dead, ajid then they galloped 

eda of times did I hear this Icp«id of 
bfurdcrcr, in my early youth, and added 
of times was there a mentj] compulsion 
in bed. to peep in flt hia wndow u the 





204 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVE 



(dark twin peeped, »nd to rcviat his horrible houM. 
aad iDok at him in his blue and spotty and scrcun* 
ing sLage, as he ruched from Jloor lo ceiling an4 
&oni wall to wall. The young wcmais wIm 
brought mc ffccjuaiiiEed wich Captain Murderer had 
A fiendish CDJoymetit of my lerrorst and ujcd to be* 
gin, I remember — a a sore of introductory ova' 
tviK — by ckwbg the aii witti bolii hands, nd,' 
utieriitg a long low hollow |roaii. So itcutely did 
I suffer from this ccremon)- in combinadoQ with 
this infernal Captain, that I somedtnes used to 
plead I thought I was hardly strong enough anJ 
old enough to hear the story agaio just yet. Bui* 
ihe never spared mc one word of it, and indeed 
commended the awful chalice w my lips ag the only 
preservative known to Bcience against " The B1<ck 
Cat "^a weird and glaring-cycd snpfrtiatural 
Tom, who was reputed to prowl about the vrotU 
by night, sucking the breath of infancy, and who 
was endowed with a special thirst (as I wai 
to understand) for mine. 

^ pis fcmaic bard^— may she havc been 
my xebt of obligadon to her in the matter of 
mares and perspirsuons ! — reappears in my nn 
aa the daughter of a shipwright. Her narac 
Mercy, though she had notje on mc. There 
(omctliing of a shipbuilding flavour in the fbl 
ing story. As it always recurs to me in a i 
association with ealomel pilla, I believe it to 
been reserved foir dull nights when I was low 
medicine. 

There was once a shipwright, and he wr 

in a Government Yard, and his name was C 

And his father's name before him was Chips, aaJ 
AiV father's name before him was Chips. 
were all Chipses. And Chips the father 






rcoMi 

to the I>evi] for &□ iron pot and a bushd 

enay nails and half a. ton of copper tad a 

could speak ; and Ciiips die grardfather 

liimseir to the Devil for an iron poi and a 

I of tenpcnny nails and half a ton of copper 

|Tt[ that could 5pG-i^ ; and Chips the great- 

ther hid disposed of himself in the same 

on the awe terms ; and the bargain had 

the fairily for a long long dme. So^ one 

toen young Chips was at work in the Dock 

all alone, down in the dark hold of an old 

-four that was haled up for repairs, the 

presented himself, and remarked : 

'• A LeiDOa has pips. 
And a Yard has shipE, 
And /'U have Chips I " 

know why, but this fact of the Devil'* ei- 
himsclf in rhyme was peculiarly trying to 
^Chips looked up when he heard the worda, 
rre he saw the Devil with saucer eyes that 
on a [erriblc great scale, and that BU-uck 
iks of blue fire continually. And whenever 
:d his eyes, showers of bhj^ sparks came 
his eyelashes made a claiiftritig like flints 
kSs striking Ijghls. And hanging over one 
larms by tlie handle was an iron pot, and 
■^at arm was a bushel of ^pnpenny nails, and 
iii other arm was half a ton of copper, and 
one ot hh shoulders was a rat that could 
So. the Devil aaid again : 

" A Lemon h^s pips, 
And R Yard has ships, 
And /'U have Chips 1 " 

jvarjablc cifccc of ihit alarming tautology on 
the Evil Spirit was to deprive mc of 



1 



206 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL! 

my senses for some momciifs,) So, Chi; 
Rwered never a word* hu: went on wiih h« 
" Whit are you doitig. Chips?" said the 
could spcsit, " I am putting in new plankt 
you and vour gang have eaten old awav, 
Chips. "But we*ll eat them too," said 
that could speak; "and we'll kt in the *■' 
dro\m the crew, and we'll cat Khem too. 
being only a sliipwright, and Dot a Man-ol 
man, Ejid, "You are welcome to ii. 
CDuldji't kepp hif eyes oft the half a ton cf 
or the bushd of renpenry nails ; for nails and 
per are a. shipwright's swcathcarta, and shipwnl 
vfill run away with them whenever they can. I 
the Devil caid, " I see what you are lookini 
Chips. You had better Btrikc the bargain, 
know the terras. Your father before you waJ' 
acquainted with them, and so were your 
father and great-grandfather before him."] 
Chips, " I like the copper, and I like 
and I don't mind the pot, but I don't like 
Says the Devil, fiercely, "Yoa can't have 
vrithcut him-^and he's a curiosity. I'm 
Chips, afraidr^f losing the half a ton of 
and the bushel of naila, tben said, " Give tn '■ 
So, he got the copper and the naiU and 
and the rat that could speak, and the Dc 
ishcd. Chips Bold the copper* and he m 
nails, and he would have sold the pot ; but I 
ever he offered it for sale, the rai was in it. 
dcalcrB dropped ii, and wcjujd have tiothingj 
to the bargain. So, Chips resolved to kill 
and, being at work in the Yard cue day 
great kettle of hot pitch on one side of 
rh« iroi> pot with the rat in it on the otH 
turned the ecaJdlng pitch into the pot, and fi!l<^ 



Qt he krpt kis eys upon il till it coolrd 

Oisd, and then he let it stand for twenty 

then he heated the pitch again and turned 

ito the kettle, and then he sank the pot m 

twenty days more, and then he got the 

X> put it in the fumace for twenty days 

then diey gave it him oat, red hot, and. 

:e Tcd^hoc glass instead of iron — yei there 

'at in it, juat the same a^ ever ! And the 

: caoght his eye, it siid with a jeer: 

•■ A Lemon has pLp$, 
And a Yard has ships, 
And /'U have Chips r" 

Reirain I bad waited since m last ap- 

with inexpressible horrpr, which now 
ri.) Chips now felt certain in his own 

ihe rat would stick to him ; the rat. an- 
us thought^ said, " I will — like pitch ! " 
as ihe rat leaped out of the pot when 
token, uid niide of, Chips began to hope 
oaldn't keep it& word. But, a terrible 
pened nest day. For, when dinner-time 
I the Dock-bcll rang to fitrike work, he 
ulc into the long pqckct at the aide of hia 
and there he (bund a rat — not that rat, 
jer rat. And in hii hat, he found an- 
id in Ms poctcc-handkcrchief, itnothcr; 
c sleeves pf bis coat, when he pulled it on 

dinner, two more. And from that time 
himself so irtghtfuliy intimate ivith all the 
ke Yard, that they climbed up his legs 

waa ac work, and »at on his tcoU while 
tlicm. And they could xll speak to one 
Old he understood what they 5aid, And 
nto tu> lodgjjig, and intij his bed. and iiuo 



k 



3oS THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELl 



his tcapctt aod into his beer, and inio hu 
And he was going to be married to a 
dlcr's daughter^ and when he gave her z vri 
he had himself made for her, a rai jumped 
it i and when he put hia arm rouod her 
rat clwng about her ; so the marriage was brt 
though the banns were already twice put 
which the parish clerk well remembers, for, 
handed the book to the clcrgynnan ibr the 
time of a&kitig, a large fat rat van over rl 
(By this time a special cascade of rats was 
d{iivn my back, and the whole of my smalj 
ing person was overrun with them. At 
ever ainccj I have been morbidly afraid of 
pocket, le&i my cxploi^ng hand should find ftil 
men of two of those vermin in tt.) 

You may believe thai all this Was Vcty ter 
Chips i but even all this was not the watsv.i 
knew besides, what the ratj were doing, wl 
they were- Soj sometimes he would cry 
when he was at hia club at night, " Oh ! Kec 
rats out of the convicts' burying-ground! 
let them do that ! " Or, " There's one o( 
at the cheese down-atairs ! " Or, " Thcre^ 
of thcra smelling a: the baby in the garret ! "i 
other things of that sort. At last, he wail 
mad^ and lost his work in the Yard, and coti 
no other work. But, King George wanted 
so before very long he got pressed for s udl 
And so he was taken off in a boat one eveoini 
his ship, lying at Spithcad, ready to sail. 
the iirat tiling he made out in her as he 
her, waa the iigore-head of the oM Seventj 
where he had seen the DcvU. She was call 
Argonaut, and they rowed right under the be 
where the hgure-head of the Argonaut, ivid 



1 



mCOMM£RCIAL TRAVELLER 309 



ikisi in his hand imd a. bloc gown on, was 
ig out lo sea ; and sitting alafing ou Ms fore- 
WAs the rai who could ipeak, and his exact 
were theae : " Chips ahoy ! Old boy ! 
re pretty well eat thera too, and we'll drown 
ll)t crew, and will eat them too ! " (Here I al- 
mys became exceedingly lidst, 9t:d would have 
iBked for water, but that i was specchlejSJ.) 

The ship was bound for the Indies ; and if you 
iw't know where that is, you ought to, and an- 
gtU will never love you. (Here I felt myself an 
outcast from a juEure slate.) The ship set sail that 
rtry lUght, and she sailed, and sailed, and sailed. 
Chips'* feelings were dreadful. Nothing ever 
ecjualled his terrors^ No wotidet. At last, OltC 
jJjV he asked leave to speak to the Admiral. The 
Admiral giv' leave. Chips went down on his 
tnces in the Great State Cabin, " Your Honourj 
imless your HDnour, without a moment's loss of 
time makes sail for ^c nearest shore, this is a 
doncned ship, and her- name \a the Cofin ! " 
" Voung man, your words arc a madman^s words," 
"Your Honour no; they arc nibbling us away." 
"Tbcyi'" "Your Hgnour, them dreadful ra«. 
Dns: and hollowness where solid oak ought to be ! 
Ratg nibbling a grave tor every man on hoard ! 
Oh ! Does your Honour love your Lady and 
year pretty children?" "Yes, tny man, to be 
Hire." "Then, for God's sake, make for the 
cearcsi shore, for at this present moment the rats 
are all stopping in their work, and arc all look^g 
itraight cowards you with bare teeth, and are all 
laying to one another that you shall never, never, 
never, never, see your Lady and your children 
itBta." " My poor fellow, you are a case for the 
^Hk. Sentry, cake care of this mm I" 



210 TH^ UNCOMMERCIAL. TftAVEO-I 

So, he wu bled and he was bliaicred, 
was thia and that, for six whole dsys and 
So, then he again asked leave id speak to ti 
iriral. The Admiral giv' leave He ivcnt 
on ilis knees in ihe Great State Cabin. * 
Admiral, you must die ! You took no vv. 
yau must diet The rats arc never wrong in 
calcLiiatlonSt and tbcy make out that the 
through, at rwclvc lo-mghi. So, yoa mu« 
With me and all the rest!" And so Bt twd 
o^tack there was a great leak, reported in the 
and a torrent of water msbed in and nothing 
stop it, and they all went down, every living 
And what the rats — being water-rats — 1« 
Chips., at last Hoatcd tP shore, and dtiing 01 
was an immense overgrowr rat, laughing 
dived when the corpse touched the beach and 
came up. And there was a deaf of seaweed i 
remains. And if you get thirteen hits of sea 
and dry them and burn them in the hrc, the 
ga off Uke in these thirteen words u plain u 
L'an be : 

•• A Lemon has pips, 
And a Yard has ships, 
And /'ye got thJp&! " 

The same female bard — descended, 
firom those terrible qld Scalds who seem to ha 
iated for the expresa purpose of addling the 
of mankind when they begin to investigate l2n_ 
—made ii standing pretence which prcEily as^ 
in fbrcitig me back to a number for hideout 
Lbat I would by all means have avoided, 
pretence wag, that all her gbo5C stories had 
to her own reladons. PolUenesa toward*. 
tonotu ^lily, therefore forbade iny doubring 
and they aci^uired «Jt air of aulktenticatioo 



i^^^m 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TEAVELL&H 2)i 



my digestive powen of liie. TJicre wu a. 

ive cQacerning an unearthly eninial foreboding 
!i^ which appeared in the open street to a par- 
r-ni&id who " went to fetch die beer " for sup- 
iJa: ftriE (as I noyw recall it) asgiiming the Ikcncsa 
\rii black dog, and gradually rising on its hind-lega 
.swelling into the semblance of some quadruped 
tly surpassing a hippDpol:aniu&; which appa- 
a— not bccaiiae J deemed it in the least im- 
able, but because J fek it to be really too large 
-I Iceblj" endeavoured to explain a.wiy^ 
on Mercy's retorting with wounded dignity i 
the parlour- maid was her own siater-in-Iaw, 
aved there wa no hope, and resigned myself" 
lis £OologicaJ phenqmenon as one of my many 
luers. There was another narrative describing 
[apparition of a young woman who came out of 
Bj»-tfl»e and haxmied another yoong woinan un- 
ric other young woman queaiioned it and elicited 
|iu hones (Lord ! To thJnlc ofits being so par- 
par about its bones ! ) were buried under the 
i-easc, whereas she recjuired them to be interred, 
every Undertaking solemnity up to twcnty- 
poimd ten, ill another partifular place. This 
itive I considered I had a pcrsottal interest in 
3ving, because wc had glafls-cases at home, and 
f, othtywisc, n-as I to he guarantcrd from the 
iion of young women rcc]uiring m^ to bury 
up to twenty-four pound teo, when I had 
■ ' e 3 ^veck } But my remoracJcss nurse 
-id from under my leader feet, by in- 
iig lue [liat yhfi was the other young woman; 
I couldn't say " I don't believe you ; " it waa 
pouible. 

(icb an a iiew of the uncommercial joumeyt 
1 wtt forced to make, against my will, when I 



312 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVBLLEI 

WHS very young and unreasoning. And n»]l] 
tQ the latter part of ihem, it is nm so very longj 
— ^now I come to tMnk of h — that J was askec 
undertake ibem once again, with a steady cot 
xiBuce. 



Chapter XVI 

ARCADIAN LONDON 

BEING in a humour for complete solinio?! 
uniiitemipted meditation this autumn, I " 
[uketv a lodging for ax weeks in die most ui 
'quented part of England — in a word, in Londc 

The retrea: into which I have withdrawn 
«!f, is Bond-street. From this lonely spoE I 
ipilgrimagcs into the surrounding wiidemeBS, 
[ttaverae extensive traas of the Great Desert. 
[irtt aoieinn feeling of isolation overcome, the ■ 
^oppresuve consciousness of prot^bund retirei 
[iconqiiercd, I enjoy that sense of ^eedant, and : 
reviving within me that latent wildness of 
original savage, which has been (upon the wl 
somewhat frequently) noticed by Travellers. 

My lodgings are at a hatter's — my own hatlt 
After ejthibjtiiig no aFtides iti his window for 
weeke, bur sea-side midc-awakes, shootiag-s 
and a choice of rough waterproof head-gear for ' 
mcars and inqmi^sins, he ha& put upon the heiilil 
ol his family as much of this stock as thev 
cany, and has taken them oif to the Isle of Thi 
His young man alone remains — and remains 
— m the Ahop. The young man has let oucj 
fire at which the irons arc heated, and, savinj 
strong sense of duty, I aec bo rcasoD why he il 
take the shutters down. 



iff 



Happily for kimseif and for hU country, 
young man is a Volunc«r; moat happily for him' 
lelf, or i think h« would become the prey of a : 
lJ«i melancholy. For, to live surrounded hy hii- 
min hats, and alienated from hpman heads to lit 
\tiem on, h surely a grear endurance. But, the 
jfoutig man, lustaincd by pracnsing his exerciser 
Ind by coajtantly forbtsluTig up his regulation 
pJurae (it is unneccBBary to observe that, as a, 
urter, he u in a cock*3-fcather corps), is resigned, 
md uncomplaining. On a Saturday, when he 
doKs early and gttj Ms Knickerbockers on, he ia 
rren chcerfu!. I am gracefully parricular in thiai 
rtlrrencc to him, because he is my coinpaniajv-i 
iJirough many peaceful hours. My hatter has ■' 
ijik up certain steps behind his counter, enclosed 
He The clerk's desk at Church. I shut myself 
into this place of seclusion, after breakfast, antftj 
mcdiiate. At such times, I observe the young mni 
iL'iding an imaginary rifle with the greatest preci- 
lidn, und maintaining most galling and destructive 
Im upon the national enemy. J thank him pubi| 
My for hia companionship and his patriotiBm. 

The simple character of my life, and the calm 
Miure of the scenes by which I am surrounded, oc- 
iiion mc to rise early. I go forth in my slippers, 
promenade the pavement. It is pastoral to 
:he freshness of the air in the uninhabited town, 
lo appreciate the shepherdess character of the 
milkwornen who purvey so little milk that it 
be worth nobody^s while to Bdulterutc it, if 
y were leri to undertake the task. On the 
ded sea-shore, the great demand for milk, 
ibincd with the strong local temptation of chalk. 
Id betray it»elf in the lowered quality of the ar«] 
In Arcadian London I derive it Irom thecow« 



314 TUB UNCOMMERCIAL tBAVBI'LSR 



I 



The Aicidian simplicity of the Memipoli» 
g«hcr, aad the primitive waya into which it 
tkllfii in this aururrmal Golden Age, make ic 
tirely new to me. Within a. few huadred yard: 
my retreat, is the hoiis? of a friend who maint 
a mo8C Biimpiuous butkr. J never, und! ycBtcrc 
saw that butler out ol superJine black broidcic 
Until yeatcrdav, 1 never saw him off duty, 
saw him f he is the best of butlers ) with the at 
snee of having any mind for anything but the 
of his master and his master's frieods. VestCfd 
morning, walking in my slippery near the hou»(i 
which he is the prop and omamant — a liouBe 
a waste of shuccerg — J encountered that butler, 
in his slippers, and in a shoodllg suit of one cold 
and in a low-crowned 3iraw-hat, smoking an 
cigar. He leh that we had formerly met b 
other state of exi&tence, and that we were tm 
Utcd into a new sphere. Wisely and well, 
passed me without recognition. Under his 
tarried the morning paper, and shortly afterwa 
i saw him sitting on a rail in the pleasant cp 
landscape of Regent-street, perusing it at his ca« 
under the ripening sun. 

My landlord having taken hi^ whole estihlil 
reient to be sailed down, I am waited on by) 
elderly woiTian labouring under a chronic 
who, at the shadowy hour of half-past nine o'clfl 
of «ery evening, gives admittance at the st 
door to a meagre and tnutildy old man wtioo 
have never yet seen detached Iram a Hat plnlj 
beer in a p«wter pot. The mextgre and mou' 
old man is her husband, and the pair have i < 
jcclcd cunscioustjcss that they are not justifiedj 
uppearing on the surface of the earth* They 
uut of some hole when London empties iticlf, 




.THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 21 5 

|B{n again inben it iills. T saw them arrive on the 
Bvenlng when I myself took possession, and they 
^ed with the flat pint of beer, and their bed in 
J«. The old man is a weak old mar, and 
red to mc to get the bed down ihc kitchen 
irairs by tumbling down with and upon it. They 
te their bed in the lowest and remotest corner 
le basement, and chey smell of bed, end have 
jMMsion but bed: unleus it be (which I rather 
from an under-curreBt of favour in them) 
I know their name, through the chance 
^having called the wife's attentiotiT at half-past 
Be on the second cvetiing of our acquaintance, to 
cirtfumstadcc of there being some one at the 
Itoor i when she flpologetically explained, 
'« only Mr. Klem." What becomes of Mr. 
all day, 6r when he goes out, or why, 13 a 
itcry 1 cannot penetrate ; but at half-past nine 
never fails to turn up on the door-step with the 
pint of beer. And the pint of beer, flat as it 
SO much more important than himself, that it 
lys seems to my iancy b» if it had found Kim 
kcUing in the street and had humanely brought 
home. In making his way below, Mr. Klem 
rer goes down the middle of the passage, like 
icr Chriatian, but ahufflca against the wall as if 
eating me to take notice that he is occupying 
inle space as possible in the house; and when- 
I come upon him face to face, he backs from 
m fascinated confUsinn, The most cxtraordi- 
dicumstance I have traced in connexion with 
iged conple, is, that there is 1 Mi^s Klem, 
daughter, apparently ten years older th-m 
dihct of them, who has also a bed and smells of 
iti and carries it about the earth at dusk and hides 
k th de«erttd houses, [ canie into thit piec* 



2l6 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



of knowledge chrougJi Mrs. Klem's beseeching mc 
to iaoction the aheltcrmg of Miss Klcm under thar 
roof for A single night, " between hex lakin' cart 
of the upper pare in Pall Mall which the family of 
his back, ^nd a ^ouse in Serjamefies-stfceu which 
the family of leavca towng icr-morrer." I gave 
my gracious consent (having nothing that I kiiotv 
of to do with it), and in the shadowy hours Misi 
Klem became perceptible on the door-aiep, wres- 
tling with a bed ia a bundle. Where she made ii 
up for the night I cannot positively £iate, but, 
thini:, in a. sink. I know that with the inatinct 
a reptile or an insect, ahe sinwed it and hene£ 
away in deep obacuiity. In the KJem fatnily, I 
hffve noticed another remarksble gift of nature^ 
that is a power they possess of converting ever 
thing mio :fluc. Such broken victuals is they ta| 
by Stcalthj appear (whatever the nature of 
viands) irvariably to generate flue; and even the 
nightly pint of beer, instead of assimilating natu- 
rally, strikes roe as brealting out in that fonn, 
equally on thifi shabby gnwn of Mrs, Klem, and 
the threadbare coat of her husband. 

Mrs. Klem has no idea of my name — as to Mr. 
Klem he has no idea of anything— and only knows 
me as her good gentleman. Thus, if doubthil 
whether I am in my room or no, Mrs. Klem taps 
at the door and says, " Is my good gentleman 
here ? " Or, if a messenger desiring to sec me 
were consistent with my solitude, ^he would >how 
him in, with " Here ia my good gentleman." 1 
find thia to be a generic custom. For, I meant to 
have observed before now, that in its Arcadian 
lime all my part of London is indistinctly pervaded 
by the Klem apcciea. They creep about with betU, 
and gg to bed in miles of deserted houses. They 



e li 

le^ 

i 




J 



bold no companion ship except that samedmes, after 
ifarlc, two of thnn will emerge from opposite 
jhoosn, and meet in the middle of the road as on 
■witbI ground, or will peep Srom adjoining houses 
^^ an interposing barrier of area raitings, and 
PKpare a few regerved mittnisTfit] notes reipecdng 
adr good ladies or good gentlemen. This I have 
|iKovered m the course of various solitary rambles 
^hve taken Northward from my retirement, along 
PF awful perspectives of Wimpole-street, Harley- 
STicet, and similar ftowping regions. Their effect 
Id be scarcely disdngmshablc from that of the 
;val foreata, but for the Klem stragglers ; these 
be dimly observed, when the heavy shadcjws 
flitdng to and fro, putting up the door-chain, 
tig in Lhe pint of beer, lowering like phantoms 
ae dark parlour vrindows, or ^ecredy contorting 
round with the dust-bin and the wacer- 



the Burlington Arcade, I observe, with pccul- 
'ptcasure, a primidve state of manners to have 
"iiiperscdcd the banefijl iuBucncea of ultra dvJlisa- 
Nothing can surpass the innocence of the 
i' ihioe-shops, the artiiickl- flower repositories, 
the head'drcBS depots. They are in strange 
at this time of year — hands of unaccustomed 
jns, who are imperfectly acquainted with the 
of the goods, and contemplate them with 
ihisticated delight and wonder. The children 
virtuous people exchange lamiliaririca in 
[Arcade, and temper the aaperity of the two tall 
lies. Their youtbfut prattle blejids in an un- 
ited manner with the harmoitiouB shade of the 
)c, and the general effect is, as of the voices of 
in a grove. Fn this happj^ rcsturarion ot the 
dne* it has been my privilege even to sec 



atS THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



the tngger bsiile's wife. She brought him 
dinner in a basin, and he ate it in bis ftrm-chairfi 
aitcrward? fell sslecp like a HtJBted child. At 
Truefitt's, the cicellent hairdreMer's, thev are le 
ing French to beguile the time ; and even the 
Soiitarics Iclt on guard at Mr. Atkirison's, the 
fiimer's round the comer (generally ihe most ir 
orxble gentleman in London, and the mott sf 
of three-and-aixpence), condescend a tittle, 3S ill 
droivsilj- bide fir recall their turn for chasing 
ebbing Nepmne on the ribbed sea-Band. 
Messrs. Hunt ard RosfecirB, the jewellers, all thit 
are absent huT thr precious stones, and the gold ; 
silver, and thf soldierly pensioner at the door 
his deccrated breasn. I might stand night and 
for a month to conie» in Savf]le*row, with 
tongue om, yet not find a doctor lo loofc at it l 
love or money. The dcDcist»' instrunicncs are 
ing in, their drawers, and their horrible cool 
lours, where people pretend to read the Every-I 
Book xnd not to be afi^cj, are doing penance! 
their grimness in white sheets. The light-\ 
of shrewd appearance, with otic eye always 
up, as if he were eating a sharp gooseberry in) 
aeasonSj who usatlly stands at the gateway of i 
livery-stables on very little legs under a very li 
waistcoat, has gone to Poncastcr, Of si^ch un 
signing aspect is his guileless yard now, with 
^flvel and scarlet beans, and the yellow 
housed under a glass roof in a comer, that I ale 
believe 1 could not be taken in there, if I tri*d. 
the places of biisiness of the great tailors, 
theval-gUsses arc dim a^nd duaty for lack of 
looked into. Ranges of brown paper coat 
waistcoat bodies look as ftinereal as if they i Tgre I 
httchmcnts of the eusiomers with whose nsruc* tl 



ac9 



tfd; Lhe ocHsuring tapes hang idle on tl: 
order-iaktr, \ci\ on the hopdess iJuui* 
DC looJung in, )'awns in the laat cxtremiiCyi 

book of patterns, as if he were tj-yiflg i^J 
totertaiBiiig library. Tlic hotels in Brooltr." 
Be DO ODC ia \hsm, itiid the iHiTu of scrvTf! 
' diBCODiobilely tor dsxi aeagou uut of 
iws. The very man who goes about li 
rurtlc, bciwecn livo boards recommend*-^ 
ic Sixteen Shilling Trousers, is aware of i 

a hollow mockery, and cats h]beris whil^N 
^ hinder shel! againsE a wall. 
; these rranqtiiJlising objects, it ia my dt 
'slk and medjtate. ^uoihcd bv the repo»ft^ 
r* 1 wantier inseneibiy to considci-able dia*. 
,d guide mysell' back by the stars. Thuj^'j 
K concrast of a few sdll partially inhabited 1 

ipqis where all the lights are not i\cdf.4 
the garhcdf are not dead, whence ill buz 
3t departed, Theu^ does it appear to me 
113 age three things are clam oroii sly rc- 

Maii in the miscellaneous thorought^ret^ 
Etropolis. Firstly, that ht: have his boots 

Secondly, that he eat a penny ice. 
that he get himself photographed. Then 
Culate, What have those scum-worn artists 
^ Btand at the photograph doors in Greek 
b>lc in handj and rayateriou&ly sdute the 
Bhc female public with a pressing tendertiesa 
\/£ in and be " took"? What did they do 
greasy blandisJimcnts, bctojc che era of 
stography ? Of what class were their 
vktiinii, and how victimised ? And 
jetr and how did thtfy pay for, that lurg 
^o£ lik'CiufrSM, al) piirponing to have bcepi 
rich ihc taking oi none of which hadi 



Z30 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEI 

Ihffl establish m«tt any more to do than 
^itiking of Delhi * 

But, these are small oases, anil I am wod 
[■■gain in meaopolitan Arcadii. Jt is my imj 
Ehst much of its serene and peaceful dnaracter i|| 
ibntable lo theabamce of cusiotnary Talk. 

I know but there may be subtliC infiuent 
Talkj to vcjt the souls of men who don't he 
Jow do I know bill thai Tallt, fivc> ten, ti 
Iroiles off, may get into the air and disagree ' 
me? If I rise from my bed, vagcely croubledj 
weaned and sick of my life^ in the session of Pa 
.iDcntj who shall Say that my noble friend, ttiy 
fcTevcrend fiiend, my right honouTable &ieiid,| 
'lionourable ^end, my honourable and le 
► friend, or my honoyrabic and gallant friend, 
itiot be responsible for that effect upon my nt 
flysicm. Too much Ozone in the air, I tml 
formed and fiilly believe (though I have no 
what it is), would affect mc in a marvellouilfJ 
agreeable way ; why raay not too much Tali I 
don't see or hear the Ozone ■ J don*t see Of 
the Talk. And there ia so much Talk ; so 
too tnuch ; e^ch loud cry, and such scam &u{ 
wool ; such a deal of flccclDg, sird so IJule 
Hence, in the Arcadian season, I iind ic a deUs 
iriamph lo walk down to deserted WestminMcrJ 
Bee the Courts shut up ; to walk a little Ririhe 
see the Two Houses shut up ; to stand in the Al 
Yardt like the New Zealander of the grand Er 
HisEory (concerning which unibrtunate mH 
whole rookery of mares' nests is generally be^J 
discovered), and gloat upon the mins of 
Returning to my primitive solitude and lying 
to sleep, my grateful heart expands with the) 
(dousness thai there i« no adjoufned Delnf 



A* 



J explanation, nobody to give notice of 

lo ask ihc noble Lord fit the head of her 

Government fivc-and- twenty bootiesj 

' in (M>e, no term time with legal argument, 
i"'NIs! Prius with eloquent appeal to British Jury j 
■t the air wil] io'Iikhtow, and to-morrow, and 
-morrow, remain untroubled by thia superabundant 
•D«nting of Talk. In a minor degree it is a de- 
iou» triumph to me to go into tJie club, and see 
kcarpecj up, and the Bores and t-iie other dust 
^Brsed to the four winds. Agzin New Zealander- 
1^ I stand on the cold hearth, and say in the 
litude, ** Here J watched Bore A I, with voice 
vny» mysteriously low and head always niystcri' 
ujy drooped, whispering political gecrets into the 
ira of Adam'a i^Dn^ding children. Accursed be 

I memory for ever and a day ! " 
^T, I have all rhia time been coming to the 
|t, that the happy nature of my retirement ia 
I sweetly expressed in its being the abode of 
■. Jt is, aa it were, an inexpensive Agapcm- 
I nobody's spemJation : everybody's profit. 
Pone great result of the resumption of primitive 
ihits, and (convertible terms) the not having much 
I do, t*, the abounding of Love. 
The KJem species ere ihcapable of the softct 
BOUons ; probably, in that low nomadic race, the 
iftef icmorions have all degenerated into flue. 
or, with this erection, all the sharers of ray rc- 
cat maiic love. 

■ have mentidncd Savillc-row. We all tnow 
BDoctcr's servant. We all !tnow what a pc- 
^ksbTc man he is, what 3 hard dry man, what a 
Vinin, what a confidential man : how he lets ua 
CO the waiting-room, like a man who knowa 
fDtttcly what is the matter vi-ith a^^ but ^in whom 



222 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL! 



1 



the reck cbouW not writig the secmi. In the 
»uc " deasonj," he has distinctly the appeanjti: 
fl man conscious of mouey in the savings bank.,^ 
inking his stand on his respectability with both fei 
'^T that time it is as impossible to assoiriaie 
irith relaxatiau, or any hutnitn weakness, as it id 
meet his eye without feeling giulty of indisposiB 
In the bkst Arcadian time, ho(v changed! 1 fun 
feen bim.itt a pepper-and-saJt jacket — ^jacket- 
Ljjrab troupers, with hh arin roiuid the waist 
'.bootmii^er's housemaid^ stniling in open day, 
jiave seen him at the pump by the Albany, 
ficitedly pumping for two fair young crewa 
liwhose figures Its they beat aver their cans^ wer 
if I may be allowed an original expression— a 
for the sculptor. I have ^een him trying the 
in the Doctor's drawing- room with his forefia 
and have heard him humming tunes in prai» 
ifjovely woman. I have seen tiim seated on a 

engine, Biid going (obvioLsly in search of ett 
I jn«nt) to a Rre. I saw him, one mDcniight e| 
ing when the peace and purity of our Area 
west were at their height, polk Kith the Ic 
daughter of a cleaner of gloves, Irom the door-l 
of his own residence, across Saviilc-row, round 
Clifford -street and Old Burlington -street, bs 
BiirlingTon- garden a. Is this the Goldca AgeJ 
vived, or Iron London ? 

The Dentist's servant. 1» thai man rxo myi 
us, GO type of invisible power ? The tremens 
idividt:al knows (Who else docs?) what it 
with the extracted teeth; he knows what 
in the little room where something is alwayi 
washed or tiled ; he knows what warm epicyj 
fution ii put intn the comfortable tumbler 
which we rime our wounded mouth, with a 



p: 



THE UNCONIMERCEAL TRAVELLER 223 



that feclj ft foot wide ; he knows wbether the 

thing we spit into is a fixwre communicating with 

the Tbimea, or could be cleared away for a dance ; 

he sees tlie faanible parlour when there are RO 

patients in it, and he could reveal, if he would, 

what becomes of the Every-Day Book then, The 

COtivictioD of wy cqward conscience when I see 

that man id a professional light, is, that he knows 

all the scatisucs of my teeth aod gums, my double 

h, my single teeth, my stopped teeth, and my 

und. [n tfiisi Arcadian rest, I am fearless of him 

of a harmless, powerless creature in a Scotch 

ip, who adores a young lady in a voluminoua 

itioline, at a neighbouring bUliard-room, and 

hose passion would be unmflueticed if every one 

6f her teeth were false. They may be. He takea 

{hem all on trust. 

fn secluded corners of the pkce of my seclusion, 
itierc arc little shops withdrawn from public curi- 
osity, and never two together, where servants' per- 
quisites are bought. The cook may dispose of 
grease at these modest and convenient nniarcs ^ the 
butler, of bottles ; the valet snd lady's maid, of 
rlpthes ; most servants, indeed, of most things they 
may happen to lay hold of. I have been told that 
in sterner times loving correspondence, otherwise 
interdicted, may be maintained by letter through 
the agency of some of these useful establishments. 
Jn. ihe Arcadian autumn, no such device is neces- 
fvy. Everybody loves, and openly and blame- 
Itstiy lovea. My landlord's young m^n lovca the 
whole of one side of the way of Old Bond-atrect, 
end it beloved several doors up New Bond-aireec 
beude;. 1 never look Out of window but I ice 
kissing of hands going on all around me. It is the 
fDonuog custom to glide from shop to %\^op t^^ 



I 

I 



I 



J 




334 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



rhgntr teader MsnneBia ; it u the eveniog custfiin 
fir CTBpiea so stmd haad in hand at houte doon, 
or roBB* Iralcd in tiiai Bo^^' mannrr, throagii tbe 
unpeopled sireea. There is noibing die to do 
I0TC ; «ik1 wka: ihav is w do, is done. 

]d usiiOdi with thi$ pursLLlE, a chagic umpll' 
obtains in ihc <ioBKsdc habiu of Arcadia. Ju 
scaxicred people <iinc early, live moderately, sup 
ciallvt ai^ ileep aouadly. It is rumoured thtx 
Bcad^ea of the Arcade, Irom being the tnorial 
eoemies of boys, have signed widi tears an addi' 
to Lord Shafiesbury, and subscribed to t rsi 
school, Nf uonder ! For, tbcy might turn 
hca%y maces into crooka and rend sheep in the 
cade, to the purling of the water-carts as they 
the thirscy ttrceie much more to drink th^n t 
can earn'. 

A happy Golden Age, and a serene ininq 
Chuming picture, but it will fade. The iron 
will renim, London will come back to towfi, 
show my tongue then in Saville-row lor h: 
minute I shall be prescribed for, the Doctor's 
and (he Dendst's man will then pretend that 
days of uc profession il innocence sever cxiAt 
Where Mr. and Mrs. Klcm and their bed will be 
at thai tirac, passes human knowledge ; but my 
hatter hermitage lA'ill then know chcrn no more, nor 
will it then know me. The desk at which I hawf 
written ihe&c meditations will retributivcly assist M 
the making out of my accoiini, and the wheels oi 
gorgeous carriages and the hoofs of high-aieppi&g 
horses will crush the silence out of Botjd'Strcct — 
will grind Arcadia away, and give it to the elei 
in gtudte powder. 




Chapter XVII 

THE CALAIS SICHT-MAII. 

unsettled quesiioti witli me whether I, 
3ve Calais aomeihing handsome in my, 
iciber I shall leave it my miledicdun. ^ 
iiucb, and yec I am always so very glad 
lit I am in a state of constant indedsioj)* < 

Ant made a^waintance wi^h Calais, it 
raaundering/^ii^g wretch in a clammy 
1 and dripping saline particles, who wa^i 
if no cxtreuiidea buc die one great exi 
ea-sickness — who was a mere bilioua 
1 a mislaid headache someivhere in its 
tvbo had been put into a horrible swing 
-larbour,. and had tumbled giddily out of 
French cqajt, qr the IbIc Man^ gr any-. 
""imw have changed, and now 1 enter 
reliant and ranonaj. I know where itig 
dj, I keep a IooIl oat for it, I recogmse iti 

when I see any of them, I am ac- 
ith its ways, and I know — and I can 
Toret behaviour. 

at Calaial Low-lying alligator, evading I 
lit and discouraging hope ! Dodging flat 
IT on this how, now on thai, now any- 
ff everywhere, naw nowhere ! In vaia 
lez, coming lankly forth into the sea; 
e filing to be stout of hear: and atom- 
ting Calais, prone behind its bar, invites 
to dcapair. Even when it can no longe{. 
:eal itself in its muddy dock, it has ai^l 
f &lling off, has Calais, which in morej 
its invisibility. The pier is all bi 



bm its u. 



Xl5 THE UNCOMMERCIAI' TRAVBLLBS 



and, ^1? 



^«B dK boin|nc, xnd too think von sre tbei 
'voir, mall! — C^kk ku ic^n mites iiiUnd, 
'DoTcr kn bunt ooi to iook lb? U. it bas A 
kcftp mad sfidc m rj diaractcr, has Calais, to 
^p ctirfty coramcaded to cite infernal gods. Tt 
^ jsxiin e d be tlus guriwD-wwn, wbm k divei Gnd^' 
^rfac boct's keel, and comes up a Heigue or tw^ 
lAc right, vrhh x}x Jacket shivcripg and splotM 
Mtd •(«■§ ibottt fbr it t 

Not bat wbzt 1 have m}' animosities tc 
Doftf. I pirticvhriT detest Dover for the 
cotnpttcencT witfc wfejch k goes to bed. h alwi^ 
>£ftea to bed (wIkd f am gtung lo Cataii) 
' nove bAfflimt <fiipbT cf txmp tad candle iJiai; 
**fco- town. Mr. tad Mrs, Birmirgbani, 
koncss of the Lord Warden Hotel, are my 
csteeised fiends, bat they arc too conceited 
tte comforts of that establishmcRt wben the 
Mail Is dtaiting. I know it id b good house toi 
at, and I don't want the ifacc insisted upon in 
waim bright windows at such ta Irour. I 
the WartJen is a stationary edifice that nevw! _ 
or pitches, and I object to its big outJitic seeming t» 
bisisc upon ttat circumstance, and, as it were, W 
come over me with it» when I am reeling on tfc 
drctt of the boat. Bcshfctv the Warden likewuc, 
for obsmicting that corner, and making the wind w 
angry as it rushes round. Shall J not know (hat h 
blows quite soon enough, without the oHiaouj 
Warden's interference .* 

As r wait het-c on board the night packet, fbr tin 
Soitth Eastern Train to come down with the Mail 
Dover appears to mc to be ifluminatcd ibr ftonn 
intensely aggravating festivity in my peraonai di» 
honour. All its noises sinactt of launiing 
df the land, and dispnusej of the gloomy teaj 



lie for going on ic. The drums upon the 
lu have gone to bed, or I know ihcy would 
taiinu against me for having my unsteady 
ng on this slippery dftck. The many gas cyca 
He Marine Parade rwinkle in an offensive man- 
I if with derisron. The distant dog? of 
barV at me in my mis-shapen wrappers, at 
were Itichard the Third. > 

icrecch. a bctl, and two red eyes comr gliding 
the Admiraky Pier ivith a flmootliness of mo^ 
Tcniiercd more Binootb bv the iieaving of the 
The sea makes noisea against the pier, afi if 
hippopotami were lapping at it, a;nd were 
led by circumstances over which they had 
iBtrol from drinking peaccabLy. We, the 
become violently agitated- — ^mmblc, huts, 
roar, and establish an immenfie ^mily 
ing-day at each paddle-box. Bright paichca 
out in the (ruin as the dcora of the post-officfi 
«Pf opened, and instantly stopping ifigures with, 
upon their backs begin ta be beheld among 
ilea, descending as it would seem in ghostly 
ton to Davy Jones's Lncken The p^Bsen- 
come on board ; a few shadowy Frenchmen, 
hatboxes shaped like the stoppers of gigantic 
■b«tle9; a few shadowy Gerntans m immense 
igtB and boots ; a few shadowy Englishmen 
d for the worst and pretending not to expect 
I cannot disguise from my uncommercial mind 
^ rrigerable iict that we are a body of outcasts ; 
■M the attendants on us are as sciant In nnniber as 
IP icrvc to g:et rid of us with the least poBwble 
CKy • that there arc no night-loungers interested 
ua f that the unwilling lampa shiver and shudder 
I that the sole object is to commit tis to the 
and ■ba ndon ue. Lo, the two red eyes glar- 



X2S THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

ing in incrcssing distance, and then tlic very i 
itself Hm gone to bed bdorc wc arc off! 

What is the mora] suppon derived bv wm« 
going ajnaceura i'rom an umbrella I Why do 
laiiL voyagers across the Channel aiwayi put up 
article, and hold it up with a grim and Kcr 
nacJty? Afellow-creatiire near me — whom 1 
Imotv to if a fellow -creature, because of hii 
brella : without which he migh^ be a. dark td 
cliff, pier, or bulkhead — clutchcii xhax insTrui 
with a desperate giasp^ that will □«[ relax unt: 
lands at Calais, la there any andogy, in 
constiuitions, between keeping an umbrella up, 
keeping the spirits up ? A haw&er thrown on 
with a flop replies " Stand by ! " " Stand by. 
low." " Half a turn a head J " " Half l 
head ! " " Half speed ! " « Half sj 
*' Port ! " " Port ! " " Steady ! " " Stead 
"Go on]*' "Goon!** 

A stout wooden wedge driven in at my 
temple and out at my left, a floating depoul 
lukewarm oil in my thraat, and a compretuo 
ihc bridge of my nose in a blunr pair of piocc 
these are the persona! sensations by which I 
we aftf otF^ amd hy ^vhich 1 shall cpotinue to 
it until I am on the soil of France. My symp 
have scarcely established themselves comfoT 
when two or three skadng ahadows that have 
trying to walk or stand, get fluag together, 
other two or three shadows in tarpauling slide 
them into corners and cover them up, Th: 
South Foreknd lights begin to hiccup at at 
way that bodes no good. 

it ii at about this period that my dctestau( 
Calais kjiows no bounds. Inwardly I resolve 
ibii I never will Ibrgive that hated tawn, I 



^^ 



before, maay linies, but that i& past^ Lei 
Ister a vow. ' Iiripkcable animosity to CaEoii 

that was an awkward tea, and the iim- 

ns of my apinioD, for it gives a complaining 

wind blows suffly from tie Nor^-East, the 

B high, *vc ship a dca! of water, the night it 
od c()!d, and the shapeless passengers lie 

1 melaciclioly bundles^ as if they were sorted 
the lauDdress; but fof my own uncoitinicr- 

't I cannot pretead thai I am much incon- 
ed by any of chesc things. A gcaeral howl- 
istling flopping gurgling and scooping, 1 am 
if, and a geacral Icnocking about of Nature j 
impressions I receive are very vague. In a 
faint temper, something like the smell of 
d oranges, 1 chink I ahputd feci languidly 
Icnl U 1 had ume. I have not rime, be- 
'. am under a curious coropulaion to occupy 
with the Irish melodies. " Rich and rare 
he gems she wore," h the partictilar melody 
h 1 lind myself devoted. I sing it to my- 
thc most charming manner and with the 
expression. Now and then, I raise my 
am Eitting on the hardest of wet seats, in 
lit uncomfortable of wet atdtudes, but I 
lind it,) and notice that I am a whirling 
»cJt between a fiery battledore of a lighi- 
n the French coast and a fiery battledore 
ghtliouse on die English ctiast ; but I don't 
it particularly, except to feel envenomed in 
red of Calais. Then 1 go on again, " Rich 
c were the ge-ems she-e-e-e wore. And a 
gold ring on her wa-and tht bo-ore, But 
beauty was fa-a-a-a-r beyond " — 1 am par- 
roud of my execution here, when 1 be- 



j^oi 



7y> THE UNCOMMERCIAI. TRAVEL! 



come aware of anotho* awkward shock 
aes, and another proiui from the I'unacL, 
fellow-creatare at the paddle-box more audit 
disposed Than I think he nc«d bc-^" Her a| 
gcmj, or snow-white wand. But O her bcautj 
fa-8-fl-a-ff-r beyond "^another awkwsrd ontj 
and ihe fellow-creature with the umbrelU 
and picked up, " Her spa-a-rkiing gc-crai, 
Port ! port ! steady ! steady ! snow-whltf 
creature at the paddle-box very (ellishly auj 
banip roar wa&h while vvand." 

At my exccudoD of the Irish mdodiei pi 
of my imperfect pefceptioas of what is 
around me, so what is going on around me b«^ 
something etse than what it is. The stoke 
the liirnace doors below, to feed the firts. i 
am again on the box of the old Exeter Tele 
last coach, and that is ihc light of ihe tbr t\ 
anguished coach-lamps, and the gleam 
hatches and paddle-boxes is iJieir gleam on ft 
and haystacks, and the mnrotonoDB noise of 
engines Is the steady jin^k of the splendid tecfl 
Anon, the intermittent funnel roar of prf>iert ( 
everv vjoletit roH, bccomea the regular blast oTl 
high pressure engine, and I rccogni&e the exced 
ingly explosive steamer in which I ast-cndt 
Mississippi when the American civil war vf» 
and when only its causes were. A Iragmcr*' 
majt on which the light of a lanrern falls, anei 
of rope, and a jerking bloclt or 50, become eu^gfl 
ive of Francnni'i Circus at Paris where I shall I 
this very night mayhap {for it must he momii 
now), and thcv dance to the self-same tini( 
tune 19 the trained steed, Black Raven, 
nuty be the speciality of these waves a* they 
ru»h(ng on, I caongt dcscrl the pressing dc^ 



cxcm 



'•PWA» 



•Jf 



me by the gemi she wore, to inquire, 
cku-ged wich aoraething nbout Rubin- 
, «jid J think, it Was in Varnioj^h Roads 
■ went a seclaring and waj near foundcp- 
terriJic Eouod chat word had for me 
ba a boy!) in his first gale of wind, 
[h all thu. J must ask her (who a^as she 

for the iifucdi dine, and without ever 
loes ftfis tioi tear lu £tray» So labe And 
igh ihis bleak ivay. And are Erin's lonsio 
wid, Aa not to be tempted by more fellow- 
t the paddle-box or gold^ Sir Knight I 
t least ala^nit No son of Erin will offer 

or though they love fellow-creature with 
DWD igain aad golden store. Sir Knigbt 
L tremeadous ane Igve honour and virtue 

though they love Stewards with a bull's 

they'll troable you for your ticket, sir — 
Ige to-night ! 

admit it to be a miserable piece of hit- 
ess and inconsiacency, but I no sooner 
nscinus ol those last vvords fxam the 
an J begin to soften towards Calais, 
have been vindJeuvclj' wishing that 
5 burghers who came out of their town 

cut into the History of England, with 

ropes round their necks by which they 

been towed into so many c&rtoons, had 
iged on the spot, J now bcgiji to regard 
(hly lespeccable and virtuous tradesmen. 
&ur me, I see the tight of Cape Grinez 

of the boat on the davits to leeward, and 
Calais harbour undeniably at its old tricb, 
:id and shining. Sentiments of fbrgivc- 
^lis, not to ^av of atiacKmeTit to Crisis, 
mv bn&om. f have weak notion& 



||ttd I 



23X THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELURI 



that I will it*jr there a. day or two or my 

back. A &ded and recumbent straDger pan 
a profound reverie over the rim of a basin, 
what kind of place Calais is ? 1 tell him (Ho 
forgive me I) i very agreeaole place iadeed- 

Jihilly than otherwise. 

So strangely goes the time, and on the wl 
quickly — chough sdU I «eetn to have been un 
o week — that 1 am bumped rolled gurgled w« 
and pitched into Calais Harbour before her 
smile has finally lighted her througii the Green! 
When blest for ever is she who relied. On enti 
Cslais at the top of the tide. For we have 
land to-night down among those slimy limfc 
covered with green hair as il it were the mcr 
favourite combing-placc — ^where one crawl* 
surface of the jetty, like s stranded shrimp, b( 
go steaming up the harbour to the Railway Sfl 
Quay, And as we go, the sea was.he5 in an 
among pi}«s and planks, with dead heavy btaTl 

I in quite a furious manner (whereof we are pr 
and the Ismp^ shake in the wind, aqd the 
Calais striking One seem to aend their vibr 
struggling against troubled air, as we hstvo 
struggling against troubled water. And nc 
the sudden relief and wiping of Iacc% everyS 
on board seems to have had a prodigious dc 
tooth out, and to be this very instant free 
Dentist's hands. And now we all Icnaw 
first lime how wet and cold we are, and hoi 
we are ; and now I love Calais with my he 
hearts! 

•* Hotel Dessin ! " (but in this one ca« it i 
a vocal ay ; it is but a bright lustre in the 
the cheery representative of that best ©f 
" Hfiiel Meurice ! " •• Hotel de France ! " " 



j^THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 233 

^tCalxu!" *'The Royal H5cd, Sir, Angsdshf 
ousel" "You going to Parry, Sir?" " Vour 
twggagc, rcgjstair froo, Sii r " Bkss ye, my Tout- 
crj, bless ye, my cnmTnissionaires, bless ye, my 
hungry-eyed mysteries in caps of 3 military form, 
who are always here, day or night, fair weather or 

» Becking inEcruTable jobs which I never see you 
BJcBS ye, my Custom House officers in green 
grey ; permit me to grasp the wetcoroc hands 
tiue descecd into my rravelU&g-bag, one on each 
side, and meet 31: the bottom [d give my change of 
linen a peculiar shake up, as if it were a measure of 
chaffs or gfaic ! I have nothing to declare, Monsiciir 
\s Do-natiier, exccpr that when I cease to breathe, 
Calais will be found ivritten on my heart. No article 
liable to local duty have I with me. Monsieur I'Of- 
uder dc]'Octroi, unless die oversowing of a breast 
devoted to your chaxming town should be in that 
wise chargeable. Ah I see at the gangway by tlic 
twinlcling lantern, my dearest brother and friend, 
he once of the Passpon Office, he who collecis the 
names ! May he be for ever changeless in Ms but- 
toned black surtout, with his note-book in his hand, 
aad his tall black hat, aunDOundrg his round smil- 
ing padcni face! Let us embrace, my dearest 
brother. 1 am youra a tout jamais- — for the whole 
of ever. 

Calais up and doing at the railway station, and , 
Calais down and dreaming in its bed ; Calais with 
romcching of *' an ancient and fish-lilce smell " 
tiboiit it, and Cakis bloT^vn and sea-washed pure ; 
Calais rcpreacnied at the Buffet by savoury roast 
fowls, hoc cot^c, cognac, and Bordeaux ; and 
Calais represented everywhere by fiirang persona 
with a monomania for changing money — though I 
□CTcr ihall be able to understand, m Tti^ Y^twwt 



^ 



Amiens, and Paris! J, humble 
the tinfxmmiej'cial intc^rest, a$ccnc 
The train is light to-night, and 
partniem with bat two fellow-t 
compatriot in an obsolete cFavaE,J 
quite uniaccoun table thing that 
" London time " on a French raih 
made angry by my mode&ily suggc^ 
bility of Paris dme being more ijflrf 
other, a young priest, with i ver)l 
very gmall cage, who I'eeds the enrfl 
quills and then pjts him up in the 1 
hii head, where he advances twitrerin 
wires, and seems to address me in 
manner. The cDmpatriat (who* 
boat, aod whom I judge to be sal 
uncdon, a^ he was shut up, litce a. 
rabbi[, in a private hutch on 6ec\ 
priest (who joined ua at Cftldsy] 
and then the bird and I have it alL^ 
A storniy ni^hi still; a night. 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



dcUberaie ttianuer), he nmdi in such a whirlwind 

that I grip him faai by the collar, and feci it next t& 
manslaughter to let him go. SdH, when he is gotic^ 
the small small bird remaine at his front wires iccbly 
twlitericg TO me — twittering and twittering, until, 
leaning back in my place and EooJdng at him in 

Iwty fascinsiion, I find that he sceme to jog my 
inory as we rush along. 
Uncommercial travels (thus the email gmflll bird) 
c lain in their idle thriftlesa way through all this 
Tsnge of swamp and dyke, bb through many other 
odd places ; and about here, as you very well know, 
art the queer old stone farm-houses, approached by 
drawbridges, and the windmills that you get at by 
boats. Here, arc the lands where the women hoc 
and dig, paddling canoe-wise frorrt field fo field, and 
here are the cabarets and other peasant -houses 
where the store dove-cotes in the littered yards ajc 
as strong as wardera' towers in old castles^ Here, 
are the long monotonoua miles of canal, with the 
great Dutch-built barges garishly painted, and the 
towing girls, sometimes harnessed by the forehead, 
■ometimes by the girdle and the shoulders, not a: 
pleasant &igh( to see. Scattered through this country 
are mighty works of Vaubak, whom you know 
about, and regiments of such corporals as you beard 
of once upon a time, and many a blue-eyed Be- 
belle. Through these fiat districts, in the shining 
summer days, walk those long grotesque file» of 
young novices in enormouB shovel hats, whom you 
tfmember blacfeening the ground checkered by the 
avenues of leafy trees. And now chat Haze- 
brouclie tlumbers certain kilometres ahead, recall 
the summer evening when your dusty feet strolling 

tfrom the frtation tended hap-hazard to a Fair 
e, where the eldest iahabitatsti wtit tHsSm^ 



round ind rDund i biurel-organ on 
with the greatest gravity, and whicre th 
show in ihe Fair was a ReligiouB Rids 
literally, oa m own antiounccmciit in gi 
Theatke Rehg|£ux. In which imptovir 
the (dramatic rcprcscnLadon wm of " al 
cscing events in the iiie of our Lord; 
Manger to the Toffib j " the principal ft 
acter, wiihom any reservation or cxcepi 
at the moiment of your arrivaS, cnjf 
ming the exiemal Moderator? (as icj 
duak), while the next principal fer 
took the money, and the Young Saint 
parted himself upside down on the pkt£ 
Looking up St this point to coufilS 
amall bird in every pariiailar he has mc 
he has ceased ta twitter, and has put 
his wing. Thercfare, in my djffcrc 
low the good exjunp]e. 



Chapter XVIII 

SOME SECOLLECTIONl OP MORI 

HAD parted from the smal] bird 

■bout four o'clock in the mor 

i not Out ftt Arras, and had 



WMERCIAL. TRAVKLXER 



cmcommerciali, I had left him at the termt- 

ahrough hia convicdon, zgainit a.!! cxplanarion 

WiDonsiraiice, that his baggage -ticJcet was hit 

wgcr-tickct), insisting in a very high temper 

be functionary on duty, that w his awn personal 

lity he was four packages weighing so many 

imnicj — as if he had been Cafsim B^ba ! I 

bathed and breaktas^ed, and wa» atroEling on 

jitright quayo. The fiubject of" my rncdkationa 

>the qaesrion whether it ia positively in the es- 

and nature of things, a.i a certain school of 

would seem to think it, that a Capital muit 

snared and enslaved before it can be made 

kdfal : when I lifted up my eyes and found that 

'cet, itraying like my mind, had brought me to 

e-Dame, 

Ht is to say, Notre-Datiie was before mc, but 
was a large open jpace between us. A very 
while gone, 1 had left that apace covered with 
udings densely crowded ; and now it was cleared 
b lorae new wonder in the way of public Street, 
Ihee, Garden. Foiintain> or all four. Only the 
Mcene iirclc Morgue, slinUng 131: the btinic of the 
ifcer ind soon to come down, was left there, loolt- 
ing tnortajly ashamed of itself, and supreirely 
■ticked. I had but gSanced at (his old acquaint- 
wh*n I beheld an airy proceesion coming 
in front of Notre-Dame, past the great hos- 
It had something of a Masaniello look, 
fluttering jtriped curtains in the midst of it, 
jt came dancing round the cathedral in the 
e»t manner. 
i» speculating on a marriage in Blotise-life, or' 
riiteningj or some other domestic fesuvity 
J would jce out, when I found, from the 
• Hviii rufih of Glomes past me. chat it vru 



aitd ccmsiiCed rfijjlirrrj Trhli had lilliiii M 
ained litter fitjm its staropg-jlace. md oj 
inlorceniggtt it had piclcea up b y the _wi 

5Fthe 



1 



t!ie JitteF I!l>U'u HI the m\3it o\ tlie Ivi 
thm two Cuscodluis proclain>ed aloui 
were all " m«ied " to go out. Thii 
WJ15 rendered the more pressing, if 
flattericg, by our being shoved out, 
^tcs bcin^ barred upon us. 

Those who have never KM the 
fiee it perfectly, by presenting to cheinM 
diSerenily paved coach-house accessibli 
street by a pair of folding- gates ; titi 
coftch-home, occupying its width, 
don tailor's or Ijnendraper's pktc-( 
reaching to the ^ound ; withJn the. 
two rowj of inclined plaDcs, what ti 
has 10 show ; hanging above, like ir 
titcs from the roof of a cave, a i^uanuiy 
-the clothes of the dead and buried 



I ch -bouse. 



J 



ier? Ailjycdgcd.-tcagethcr, anii_a].l _itaring at 
. gpoihcr with our heads thrust forward, wc 
lieae mquTnea" iifid'a hundred more 
Ij^'it'canit to be known that 



lyp the gfjg^Bess to jinpitrt ? It WBB bot a 

I old mm, pssiing along the Etreet under one 

new buildingH, on whom a Brace had fallcnj 

rho had tumbled dead. His age ? Another 

— U£_3gainst the t ail and gallfl^P ffllBon^. 

wave Bweptlirrana[>rote» and Jic was any 



man was not much : mprcovcr, we could 
[unshed he had been killed by human agency 
Lonm, or somebody else's : the latter, preferable 
our comfort was, that he had nothing about 
lead to his identification, and that his people 
iieek him here. Perhaps they were waiting 
tor him even now ? We liked that. Such 
'oi as had pocket-handkerchiefs took a slow ititetiae 
intracted wipe at our nosei, and then crammed 
Inr handkcrchieJ& into the breast of our blouses. 
I of us who had no handkerchiefs administered 
lUor relief to our overwrought minds, by means 
ilonged smears or wipes of our mouths on our 
One man with a gloomy malformadon of 
bomicidd tvorker in white-Ieadj to jtidg*. 
him his blue tone of colour, and a certain 6avour' 
if p»mly»i» pcrwadtJig him— got hia coat-collar be- 
%een his teeth, and bit at it with an appedte. 
levcral decent women arrived upon the outskjrti- i 
crowd, and prepared to launch thcmjclvcsij 
the diama! coach-house when oppQrtunit)r< 
cotnc I among them, a pretty young mother, • 



r 



240 THE UHCOMMERCIAl, TRAVEL 

prcwnding co bice the forefinger of her b) 
kept it betwKn berraay lips ibat it might b 
tor goiding to point at the show. Mcsn 
faces were lurned rowardi the building, 
men waited with a fixed and stem re&olutli 
the most part with folded atros. Surely, i 
only public French sight these imcommei 
had seen, at which the expectant people did 
c» ^tieue. But there was no such ordeJ of 
incut here ; nothing hut a general dctermii 
make a rush for it, ^nd a disposition to ( 
some bovs who had mourned on ihe ty 
posts by the hinges of ihe gates, with the < 
fiwoopitig in when the hinges should turn. 

Now, they turned, and wc rushed ! Gl 
sure, and a scrcani or two from the front, 
laugh or two, some cyprcasions of disappo 
and 3 slackening of the pressure and lubtti 
the struggle, — Old man not there. 

" But rt'hat would you have ? " the C 
reasonably argues, as he looks out at hja lii 
" Padence, padence! Wc make hi$ toil* 
ilemen. He will be eiposed preecntlj 
necessary to proceed according to rule. H 
13 not made all at a blow. He will be ei 
good time, gendemen, ifl good time." Ai 
tircsj smoking, with a wave of his sleeveJea 
wards the window, importbg, " Emerta 
selves in the meanwhile with the other ci 
Fortunately the Museum is nor empty to-d 

Who would have thought of public fickle: 
at the Morgue? But there it was, on tl 
sion- Three lately popular arlicJet that 
aliracdng gready when the litter was JliK 
coming dancing round the comer by t 
cstihedfal, were so completely dcpaicd a 



»MMERCIAL 



Ddy Mve rwD linle girU (one ahowing them to a 
would look at thcni. Yet the chief of the 
liiB trticie in the front row, iiad received 
injury of the left temple ; and the o:her rwo 
back row, the drowned two lying side by 
ifilh their head3' very ^lightly turned towards 
other, eeeincd to be compsring notes about it. 
i, (hose two of die back row were so furdve of 
»n«, and so (in tlieir puffed way) asiaj- 
agly knowing as to th« one of the iront, that 
hard to think the three had never come lo- 
in iheir lives, and were only chance com' 
Ba> after dcsth. Whether or no lhi» waa the 
1, as it was the uticottimercial, fancy, it ii cot 
disputed that the group had draivn exceed- 
within ten minutes. Yet now, the iiiconatanl 
turned its b^ck upon them, and even leaaed 
iwi carelessly against the bar outside the win- 
tnd ihook o^thc m\id from its shoes^ and alsQ 
m irtd borrowed fire for pipes. 
Custodian re-enters &om his door, " Again once, 

jeatlcmen, you are invited " No lurther in- 

rintion necessary. Ready dash into the street, 
roilctte linishcd. Old mati coining out. 

ift time, the interest was grown too hot to ad- 

Vf tAleration of the boys od the atone pogts, 

Iiamiddal white-lead worker made a pounce 

one boy who wat hoisting himself up, and 

tht him to earth anildst general commendation. 

fiiy etowed ag wc were, (ve yet formed into 

BA — -groups of conversation, witliout separation 

'the mass — to dlscu3S the old man. Rivals of 

tall and Salbw mason eprang into being, and 

«gain was popular inconstancy. These rivall 

id audiences, and were greedily listoicd to ; 

rhcrcas ihey had derived their iiJornuLbon 




242 TH£ UNCOMMERCIAL TKAVE1.LER 



soldy from the rat! and iallow one, officious cieci- 
bcra of the crowd now aoughi lo cnlighcen kim on 
their amhority. Changed by this social expericBCt 
\aiQ an iron-visagcd and inveterate misanihrope, llu 
mason glared at mankind, »i>d evidently cheriihcd 
in hii breast the wish that the whole of the present 
company could change places with the deceued 
old miD. And now listeners became inatceutive, 
and people made a start forward at a Ellght &ounfl, 
and an unholy ire IdndJed in the pubUc eye, ttid 
those nest the gatc& beat at them impatiently, aiii 
they were of the cannibal apecies and hungry. 

Again the hinges CTcakedj and we ruthcd. 
Disorderly pressure for some time ensued before die 
imcoramcfoal unit got figured into the &oni rmva' 
the sum. it was strange to see io much heat, 
uproar icething about one poor spare white-t 
old man. quiet for evermore. He was call 
features and nndisfigured, a& he ky on his 
having been struck upon liie hinder part 
head, and chrown forward — and something like i 
tear or two bad staned &om the closed (^yea. toil 
lay wet upon the iace. The uncommercial inicra^ 
sated at a glsnce, directed itself upon the scnvtuf 
crowd on either £ide and betiiod : wgndcticg 
whether one might have guessed, from the e»pM»- 
sion of those Ikces merely, what Icitxi of light thev 
were louting at. The dift'ercaces of cxpreision 
were not many. There was a little pity* but net 
much, and thai mostly with a sel£sh touch in it— 
■4 who would say, " Shall [, poor I, look like thai, 
when the time comes! ^' There waa more of i 
tecrecly brooding contempUtion and curiojiry, u 
"That man I don't like, and have the grudge 
against i would such be his appearance, if some* 
—not to mention names — by any chance 






COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 




ly knock. ? '' There was a wolfish stare at the 
in which the homicidal whitc-l<;aci worker 
conspicuoua. And there w^s a much more 
il, purposeless, vacant staring at it— like look- 
wBXWork, without a catalogue, and not 
g what to make of it. But all these expres- 
concurxed in posscsaing the qoc underlying 
tion ol" ieokiitg at samethmg thJ! csuU not rt' 
toak. The uncommercial notice had cstafa- 
ihis 19 very remarkable, when a new pres- 
1 d[ Once cnming up from the street pinioned 
[nciminiDUsly, atid hurried him into the arms 
Klceved again) of the Custodian smoking at 
or, and answmrg questions, bctween-puS, 
I cetiain placid meritorious air of nor being 
, thoQgh high in otiice. And mentioiiing 
ii may ba observed, by ihe way, thai one 
Dot well help investing ihe original sole occu- 
f the front row with an air depreciatory of 
sgiliinace attraction of the poor old man : 
be two in the second row seemed to exultat 
leraeded popularitj'. 

mg presently round the garden of the Tower 
Jacques dc ta Boucherie, and presently again 
■t of tlic Hotel de Vitle, J called to mind a 
I dcsoUtc open-air Morgue that 1 happened to 
ipon in London, one day in the hard winter 
rl, and which seetned as strange to me, at the 
lf seeing it, as it 1 had found it in China. 
rds that hour of a winter's aflernooa when 
.plighters are beginning iti light the lamps in 
reets a httle before they are wanted, because 
irknesi thickens fast and soon, J was walking 
the country on the northern ade of the 
ft Park— hard frozen and deserted — when I 
empty Hansom cab drive up to the ladgc at 





THE tmCOMM&RClAi. TRAVELLER 



Glouoester-gite, mud the diivar with great igitid 
en!) tQ the man there : who t^uickly Kached a 
poie from a tree, and, dcfdy collared by the dn« 
jumped to tlie step of his little seat, and lo 
Hsnwm rattled out at the gace, galtDping over 
iroD-bound road. I followed nmning, thotigfa 
so &3t bu[ that whea I came to the righc-hand Ca 
Bridge, near the cross-pacb to Chalk Farm, 
Hansom was stadonxrv, the horse was scnol 
hot, the long pole was idle on the ground, ind 
drivel- and the park-keeper were lookitig over i 
bridge parapet. Looking Over too, I sai\',lv^ngf 
the towing-path xvith her face turned up to 
us, a woman, dexd a day or nvo, and under i 
a% I guessed, poOrlr dressed in black. The ; 
were lightly crossed at the ankics, and the 
lioir, ail pushed bzck from the tacc, as though 
hiad been the last action of her desperate ha 
Etreanied over the ground. Dabbled all about 
was the water and the broken ice that had dropf 
iVom her dress, axid had splashed as she was 
out. The pohcematt who had just got her oui» 
the passing costcrmongcr who had hetped 
were standing near the body ; the latter with 
stare at it which I have likened to being at a 
K work exhibition vnthout a catalogue ; the far 
ft looking over his Mock, with prolessional sd 
H and cQolnefs^ in the direction in which the bci 
H he had sent for were expected. So dreddfuUv 
H }oTi\, so drc^fully sad, so dreadiully mysi 
H this specta.cle of our dear sister here det 
H A barge catnp up^ breaking the l^odtktg ice 
H dlence, and a worran Rteercd it. The man 
H the hwse that towed jt, cared so little for the 
H thxi the Mumbling hools had been antong the 
^ft and the tow-rope had caught and turned the 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 24$ 




before our cry of horrDTWok him 1:0 ihe bridle. At 
which SQund the sKering woman looked up at us on 
l^ttbridgCt witb contempt imattcrable, and then 
^Hfing diowTt St the body with a similar expression 
■••4S if it were made in another likeness Irom her- 
self, lisd b«n iiifpnneci with Other paS'Slons, had 
been lost br other chaiices, had had another nature 

:ii down to pcrdiEion — steered a spurning 
of mud at it, and passed on, 

better experience, but also of the Morgue kind. 
In which chance happily made me useful In a slight j 
degree, arose to try remembrance as I took my 1 
way by iht Boulevard de Sehastopo! !□ the brighter 

IM of Paria. 
Sic thing happened, say five-and-twenty yeari 
I was a modest young uccomnicrcia] then, j 
tixnid and inexperienced. Many 5uns and I 
Is have browned me In the line, but tho^e were 
jalc days- Having nc'wly taken the lease of a 
ia a certaiTi distinguished merrop>cliran parish 
'house which then appeared to me to be a 
iltfully fifEt-dass Family Mansion, involving J 
awful ttsponaibilities^J became the prey of a I 
Bcidlc. I think the Beadle must have seen me go- I 
jjein or coming out, and must hive observed that I 
^■ttcred under the weight of my grandeur. Op I 
Wfmsy have been m hiding under straw when I 1 
bought my lirat horse (in the desirable stable-yard 
attached to the firsl-clasj Family Mansion), and 
when the vendor remarked to me, in an original 
manner, on bringing him for approval, taking his 
elgth off and smacking faim, " There Sir ! 7'here's 
a Or*e!" And when I said gallantly, "How 
Jtiuch do you want tor him ? " and when the ven- 
dor wd, " No more than sixty guineas, from yoii»" 
ricd when i said imardy, '* Why iloi nxoic \^ul 



146 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEF 



nxtjr from mef** And when be said cnjj 
** Becuue upon in)r soul and body he'd be coa 
ered dtup tt seventy, by one who undcrsti]Cid| 
nibjed — but you don't^" — I say^ rhe Beadle 
have been in liiding under srraw, ^vbe^ thii dis| 
befell me, or he mav have noied that 1 wu^ 
i»w Bnd vDung an Atlas to carry the first-n 
Funilr Mansion in a icaowing manner. Bel 
it may, the Beadle did whst Melancholy did \t 
youth in Gray's EJegy — he marked tne for his 
And the wa^F in which the Beadle did it^ was 
he summoned mc as a Juryman on his Cor 
Inquests. 

In ray first feverish alarm I repaired ** tor &I 
and for succour"— like those ugacious Nor 
ahepherds who, having had no previous ri 
Vrhttcvcr to believe in young Nerval, very 
dcntly did not originate the hazardous idea 
lieving in him — to a deep householder. Tbi»( 
ibuTid man intbrmed me that the Beadle counw 
my buying Mm off; on my bribing him no 
summon me ; and that It' 1 would attend an Ind 
with s cfaeertijl countenance, and profess ekcrif 
[hat branch of my country's service, the Be 
would be disheartened, and would give up- 
gftitie. 

1 roused my energies, and the next unw 
wily Beadle summoned me, I went. The 
was the blankest Beadle I have ever lookc 
when 1 answered to my twmc ; and his ditcor 
gave me courage to go through with it. 

We were impaimelled to inquire concemini 
death of ^ very Utile mite of a ch3d. It 
old miserable story. Whether the motherl 
committed the minor ofiencc of concea 
btrth, or whether she had comniitted the mak 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 247 

^■e of killing the child, wm the question on 
^Bch wc were wanted. We muse commit her on 
^Kci'the two isBvicE. 

^B^e inquest came off in the pwish workhouBC, 
|P I have yet a lively impr«s9ioti that I was 
fcmoimously received by my brother Jurymen as a 
icr of the utmost conceivable itisigitjficancc. 
k, that before we began, a broker who had lately 
ted me fearfully in the matter of a pair of card- 
Ba, was ior the utmost rigour of the law. I rc' 
iber thai we sat in a son of board-room, on such 
large square horse-hair chairs thar I wondered 
U race of Patagonians they were made for ; and 
brthcr, that an underitaker gave me his c»rd when 
were in the f^iU moral freshneaa of having just 
iwom, as ** an inhabitant that was newly 
into the pari&h, End was likely to have a 
jg femily," The ca&e waft then stated to us by 
Coroner, and then wc went down-siaJrs— led 
plotting Beadle — to view the body. From 
day to thiit the poor little figure^ On which that 
iding le:gal appellatJDn was besrowed, hailaia in 
same place and with the same surrouDdings, to 
I thinking. Jn a kind of crypt devoted to ihc 
;housing of The parochial coffins, and in the 
Jst of a perfect Panorama of coffins of all sizes, 
.was stretched on a boi ; the mother had put it 
icr box—this box — almost as soon as it was 
I, and it had been presently found ttierc. It 
been opened, and ncady sewn up, and regarded 
that point of view, it looked like a gtuffcd 
re., it rested on & clean white cloth, with a 
^cal instrument or so at hand, and regarded 
that point of view, it looked as if the cloth 
** laid,** and the Giant were coming to diq* 
Tbetc wii nothing repellent about the poor 



lb 



9i» THE UNC( 

piece of innocence, and it demanded i im 
of looking at. So, wc looked at be 
who wan going about among the coffins wi 
rule, Bs if he were a caacof Self-Measurem' 
we looked at one anoihcr; and wc sajd 
was well whitewsBhed anyhow i and then 
versational powers as a Bridsh jiay flagged, 
foreman said, " All rightt gentlemen? B; 
Mr. Beadle J" 

The mberablc young creature who 
birih to this child within a very tew days, 
had cleaned the cold wci door-steps im 
afterwards, waa brought before ui wheo 
eumed our horw-hair chaira, and was pre; 
iag the proceedings. She bad a horac- 
hcrself, being very weak and ill ; and 1 n 
bow ihe turned to the unsympathedc dutas 
tended her, and wko might have been 
hta.d of a paupei'iihip;, and how she hid 
and sobs and tein upon that wooden shou 
remember, too» how hard her mistress w 
her (stie was a sefvanC-of-all-worlLj^ and w 
a cruel pertinacity that piece of Virtue i 
thread of evidence double, by intertwistini 
the sternest thread of conatmction. Smil 
by the terrible low wail from the utterly ( 
orphan girl, which never ceased during ih 
inquiry, I took heart to ask this winicss a i 
or two, which hopefully admitted of »«■ 
that might give a favourable turn to the caa 
made the turn as little favourable aa it couk 
it did some good, and the Coroner, who w 
padent and humane (he was the late Mr. \ 
cast a look of sirong encouragement in n 
don. Then, we ha:d the doctor who hi 
ihe cjcaniination, and the usuai testi zi to 






I THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 349 



diiM waa bom alive ; but he was a dmid 

^headed doctor, and got confused and con- 

iccory, and wouldn't say thia, and couldn't an- 

for that, and the immaculate broker was too 

tor bmt, and our side slid back again. How- 

I tried again, and the Coroner backed mej 

, for which I ever afterwarda fek grateful to 

93 I do now to his memory ; and we got an- 

fbvdurable turn, out of same other witncsj* 

member of the family with a strong prcpos- 

lon against the sinner ; and I think we had the 

it back again ^ and I know that Ebe CorDiier 

iltic^d up fcr oixT aidct and that 1 and my 

ish brothers turned round to discuss our verdict, 

get ourselves into great difficulties with our 

chairs and the broker. At that stage of the 

1 tried hard again, being convinced that I had 

for it ; and ai: last we found for the minar 

Ice of only conceding the birth ; and the poor 

itc creature, who had been taken out durini 

I dclibcradon, being brought in. again to be tok 

le verdict, then dropped upon her knees before j 

riih protestations that we were right — protea-l 

iui among the most affecting that 1 have ever 

rd in my life^ — and was carried away insensible. 

Id private conversadan aiier this was all over. 

Coroner showed me his reasons as a trained 

con, for perceiving it to be impossible that the 

could, undtr the moat favourable circum- 

«, have dtvwn many breaths^ in the very 

ful caic of its having ever breathed at all ; 

o»ving to the discovery of some foreign matter 

(windpipe, quite ifTcconcilable with many 

ttf life.) 

lea the agomeed girl had made those imal 

joBt, I had sctn her face, and it was in 



250 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELIXI 

unison with her distracted heflrtbroktn vcnce.j 
it was very moidng. It certainly did not it 
me by any bcaaty that i: had, aad if I cvct ; 
■gain in another world 1 sball only know it ' 
help of some new sense or inteUigence. 
came to me in my sleep that night, and I sel 
dismissed it in the most elSrieat way J could 
of. I caused some extra core to be taken l'{ 
in the prison, and counsel to be retained 
defence when she was tried at the Old Bailej': 
her Kntence was lenient, and her history antj i 
duct proved that it was right. In doing the! 
I did for her, I remember lo have had tlK| 
help of some gentle-hcBrfcd functionary to 
I addresflcd myself — fam what funcdonary I 
long forgotten — who I suppose was officiallr 
ent at the Inquest 

1 regard this as a very notable uncotnroe 
experience, because this good came of a Be 
And lo the best of my knowledge, info 
and belief, it is the onJv good that ever did 
of a Beadle since the first fieadle put on his ■ 
hal. 



Chapter XIX 

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS 

IT came into my mind that I would reciJJin: 
notes a few of the many hostelriw I hawi 
at in the course of my journeys ; and, indeed, 
taken ap my pen for the purpose, when I wu 
by an accidental circumstance. It wm- the 
"to leave ofT, to wish the owner of a certiin 
"lice that looked in at my door, *'manv hat 
tanii of the day." Thereupon a peiv 



IRCIAL TRAVEL 



into tny imnd], driviag irs predecessor out, 

I began to recalJ — instead of Luna — the birth- 

[hai 1 have put up at, on my way to this 

: sheet of paper. 

Can very tveil rcincmijcF being taken out to 

some peach-taccd creature in a blue sash^ uid 

to correspond, whose life I supposed to coti- 

latireJy of birthdays. Upon seed-cake, £we« 

, and shining preseurs, tliat gbrilied young 

on Kcmed to me to be exclusively reared. At 

[-carty a stage of my travels did I S£3]St at the 

veraary of her nativity [and become enamoured 

«r), that I had not yet acquired the recondite 

ledge that a birthd^v is the common property 

who are bom, but supposed to be a special 

beatowed bv the tavouring Heavens on that dec 

rguisjicd injant. There was no other cotn- 

(, and wc sat in a shady bower^undcr a iab]e> 

ioiy lieiier (or worse) knowledge leads me to 

vc — -and were regaled with saccharine sub- 

ices and liquids, until it was dme Co part. A 

powder was administered to me neXE niorn- 

and I was wretched. On the whoIe» a pretty 

tc lore shadowing of my more mature ex- 

enccs in such wise ! 

hen came the rime when, inseparable from 
own birthday, was a certain sense of merit, a 
isdouaneiis of well-earned disdncuon. When I 
ed my birthday ss a graceful aduevement of 
own, a motiuraent of wy pcxBeverancc, inde- 
cc, and good sense, redounding greatly to 
sour, 'litis was nt about the period when 
mpia Squirw becainc involved in rhe anniver- 
Ohmpia wu mojt beauciiibl ( of course), and 
A her to that degree, that J used to be obliged 
..out oi my litde bed in the night, expresely 





TRAVELLER! 

^O, Olyn^ns Sqv 
cadirijr io sagc- 
I iAx M, flk&jLiiviijr edacaird 
K c£ hrr Hjyti.Uui po^ttx, who 
««k tbe Soadi 
fadbic me. Trath ii 
ve cTWBfsi I17 a shiniag 
suggc&dre of t 
pMMOT. My Bcmarj p7««aa a 
Oif^ii sad I WER uken by n 
wip* wng end odcIc, or the 
wre«e oBed aa (hterf. Tbe 
mi Kt Dp u sbe local Tliutre, 
Ind ex|xcved ■ pni&ae wmk in the morning i 

Fkt ; 1^ vU^ a tecioiH asnt htd 
^7 cneKacBce ^tep^ tad oij pocfcef derper, 

B bcNOOTod kiif-cTcnTS. Ii WM a 
fllAk Bid s ifciHij Oivay, m least one it 
aafBaDdtveaij'-&*eco>DCttbduiid thcAge,j 
Aden, k ma Kwfid. When the low-api 
I wkk a wmd aaid, ** Ladies and gentli 
{MTtkiuariy 01)inpM snd me), 
are abaai to be pui out, but there is x 
test cacjie for alarm," 11 \m very all 
;tl the planrls ajid itin bcgsQ, Sc 
ihey WOaldn't cqidc qh, $Dmedlti(?s they wot 
go offj somemnea. they hsd holci in th«m, 
mostly they didn't seem eo be good likcnrsset. 
tlijs aiat the gcDtleman ^itfa the ^vaod wai 
in the daric (tapping away at the hcavj 
sdiei benvecn whiles, like a wearisome w< 
pcciier), abDitt a sphere revolving on its own 
tght hutidrcd and nincty-sevea thoLsand mill 
«f tiroes— «r miles — in two hundred and 
ihrce thoitaand five hundred snd twentV-fblir , 
lion* of lomcthing eitcs, until I thought if thiaJ 



CRCIAL TRAVELLER 353 



it were better never to have been hatn^ 

alsro, became much dcpresicd, and we 

cd and woke crosj, and still the gendc- 

ijoing on in the dart — ^whether up in the 

avm on the stage, it would have been 

lakc out, if ii had been worth trying — 

awav abouE planes of orbits, eo such an 

ixtent that Olympia, stung to madnesa, 

ckcd me, A pretty bh-thday spectacle, 

lights were turned up again, and all the 

the town (including the National, who 

in for nothing, and aenx them right, for 

alwTiys throwing stones) were discov- 

eihaustcd countenances, Ecrewing their 

into ihcir eyes, or cktching their heads 

A pretty birthday speech when Dr. Sleek 

'ree bobbed up his powdered head in 

and said that before this aasembly 

'teally must beg to express hia entire 

f fl lecture t% iraproving, as Informing, as 

anything diat could call a blu^h into the 

tyodth, 93 any it had ever been his lot to 

rd. A pretty birthday altogether, when 
couMn't leave poor Small Olympia 
mc alone, but must put an end to our 
roT, we never got over it ; the threadbare 
twore our mutual tendetnc55; the man 
and was too much for the boy with the 

ihall I disconnect the c?ombipcd smells of 

wn paper, and straw, from those other 
t school, when the coming hamper casts 
r before, and when a week of social har- ' 
b!I I add of admiring and adectionate 
— led up to that Institctjoji ? Whit 
ihnents were r^tpressed to me in the days 




^ould be much surprised and ^^ 
Unobg the tfCasutes In the coming hi 
corered ported game, and guava 
Wcistem lodie^. t had inezitioncdl 
confidence to i few l^cnJs, end 
j^vc away, as I now see reason to 
some covey of partridges potted, ani 
dred weight of guav» jdJy. It was 
fcon. Bully no moTe, aought me oui 
ground. He was a big fat boy, wit 
dnd 8 big fa; fi>t, nod at the bcginniag^ 
had raised such a bump on my fore] 
couldn^t gcr rrv ha: of state on, to gt 
He said that afccr an interval of cot 
(four montKs) he now felt this blow 
error of Judgment, and that he wis 
for the same. Nor only that, bat ho 
his big head between his two 
that I might reach it conveniently, 

le, as an act of juiiicc which wot 
akcned conscience, to rajje a ret 



It IIU 

i 



iiidcratand was of rare exceilcDce. 
Scvcntcttn, eighteen, ninetecns twenty ; and then 
ith ihe waning months came an ever augmeating 
ftie of the dignitj' of twenty-one. Heaven knows 
baii nothing lo *• come into," save the bare birth- 
;y, and yet I esteemed it as a great posses&ion.^ I 
<w and then paved the way to my staite of dig- 
tf, by beginning a proposition with the cajiial 
Brdj, "say thai a man of twenry-one," or by the 
EidentaJ assumpQon of a iact that could not sanely 
t disputed, a^, " for when a fellow cornea to be a 
IB of twenty-one," J gave a party on the occa- 
p. She was there. It is unnecesaacy to name 
cr, more particularly ; Sbe was older than I, and 
d pervaded every chink and crevice of my mind 
r three or four years. I had held volumes of Im- 
Con versa lions with her mother on the sub- 
"our union, and I bsd writien letters more in 
than Horace Walpole's, to that discreet 
I, soliciting her daughter's hand in marriage, 
never had the remotest inientian of sending 
those letters; but to write them, and after a 
tys tear them up, had been a sublime occu- 
Sometimes, I had begun " Honoured 
1 think that a lady gil'ied with those 
of observation which I know yon to pop- 
endnwcd with those womanly gympathica 
young and ardent which it were more 
■y to doubt, can scarceiy have failed ta 
liat I love your adorable daughter, deeply, 
iy." In leas buoyant states of mind I had 
IpB , " Bear with me, Dear Madam, bear with 
^Kng wretch who is about to make a aurpriuDg 
^K^on to you, vi'bolly unanticipated by your- 

■ ^- 



356 the; uncommercxal travelle: 

selii snd wtith he beseeches jav to cDmmit tfl 
Aames a& soon at you hzve become aware lo 1 
a towering hcaght Kis mad ambician soan." 
otbcF QEncs— periods of prafoLind mcDiiiiil dcprcBl 
when She had gone out to bills where I was n 
the draft toot [he aSecting farm of a paper li 
left oE my tabic after my departure to tlic con 
of the globe. As thus : " For Mrs. Ononeiu 
these linci when the hand that traces them thi 
far audy. ! could dot bear tbe daily tortai 
hopcleisly loving the dear one whom I ivU) 
name. BroiHng on the coast of A^ca, or coq 
ing on the ehures of Grcenlaiid, I am iax far fa 
there than, here," (la this Seariment my ei 
judgment perceives that the family of the bek 
object would htvc most completely concun 
" It I ever emerge ffotn obscurity, and mv aai 
ever heralded by Fame, it will be for her dear 
If I ever amass Gold, it will be to pour it 
feet. Should I qn the other hand become the 
of Ravens-^—" 1 doubt if I c\'er quite mai 
my mind what was to be done in thsc 
case ; I tried " then it is better so j " but not 
ing convinced that it would be better so, I 
laced between leaving all else blank, which I 
expressive and bleak, or winding Lp ivith ' 
well ! " 

This fittidous correspon deuce of tca^^ 
blame for tiie foregoing digression. I was abd 
pursue the statement that on my twenty-lirit fa 
day I gave a party, and She was there. It V 
bcautitiil party. There was not a single anirai 
inanimate object connected with it (except 
toinpany and myadf J that J had ever accn M 
Kveiytiung was hired, and the mercen>iic$ \ 
teodance were profouiid atruigeis to me. A 



M. 



TIIE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 257 



jr, in the cmnibj' part of the night when winc- 

glassct wae :□ be found in unexpected spots, I 
ipnlce to Her— spoke out to Her. What passcd> I 
exnnot ai a man of hDnoiir rcveaj. She wu sll an- 
gelical gcntlcaesH, but a word was mcntJoncd — * 
ihon and drcidtul word of three letters, begiaiiing 
with a B — which, as I remarked at the moment^ 
"scorched my brain," She went away soon af- 
terwards, and when the hollow throng (though ce> 
be sure it wss 1:0 fault of theirs) dispersed, I issued 
foTth, with a dissipated acomcr, and, za I men- 
licsned expressly to Ilinn^ ** sought oblivion." It 
was found, with a dreadful headache in it^ btic ic 
didn't last ; for, in the sJiaming Hght of next day's 
Eoon, J raised my heavy head in bed, looking back 
to the birthdays behind me^ and tracking the circle 
by which I had got round, after all, to the bitter 
powder smd the wretchedness again. 

This reacdonar}' power (taken eo largely by the 
human race dbat I am inclined to regard it as the 
Uiuversal Medicine once sought for in Labora- . 
tones} is capable of bdng made up in another form 
fcr birthday use. Anybody's long-Iosc brother will 
do ill to turn up on a birthday. If I had a long- 
loK brother I should biow beforehand that he 
would prove a tremendous fraternal failure if he ap- 
pointed to rush itjto my arms oji mv birthday. The 
iittt Magic Lantern 1 ever saiv, was secretly and 
daborately planned to be (he great clfcci of a very 
juvenile birthday ; bm it wouldn't ici, and its im- 
^es were dim. My experience of adult birthday 
Magic Lanitertis may possibJy have been unfortunate, 
but has certainly been flimilar. I have an illustra- 
tive birthday in mv eye : a birthday of my friend 
FlipAeld, who&e birthdays had long been remirkable 
Iff todol succcMCJ. There hfld been noCniTv^ vex at 




2^S THE UKCOMM£KCtAI, TRAVELLS 

Aumai about them ; Flipticld having been 
tomed merely to say, two or three days 
" Don't forget to come aiid dine, old boy, m 
ing lo custom;*' — I don't know whar he 
the ladks he inviccd, but I nmy safely assume 
to hivc been " old girl." Those were del 
gatherings, and were enjoyed by all panicij 
In an e^il hour, a long-lost brothcT af Flip 
came tt> light in fordgn pans. Where he ha< 
hidden, or what he bad been doing, I don't 
for FUpiield vaguely informed me that he had 
up " on the bants of the Ganges "— spcakj 
Mm as if he had been washed ashore. The 
lost was coming home, and FBpfidd made 
fortunate calculation, baaed on the weU-i 
regularity of the P. and O. Steamers, that : 
might be so contrived as that the Long-lost 
appear in the nick of dme on hb (Flipfieid'a) 
day. Delicacy commanded that I shouSd 
the gloomy anriciparions with which my i 
came fraught when I heard of this plan. 
fata! day arrived, and we assembled la force, 
Flipfield Senior formsd an interesting featort 
group, with 3 bluc-vcincd miniature ol' the li 
Flipfield round her neck, in an oval, rcK 
tart from the pastrycook'! : his hair powdcre 
the bright buttons on his coat. evidcntJv vcl 
She was accompanied by Miss Flipfield, th' 
of her numerous family, vwho held her 
handkerchief to her boanm in a. majegtic m 
and Bpoke to all of us (none of us had evi 
her bejbre), in pious and condoning lonci 
(he quarrT^li that had taken plaCe in the 
&om her infancy — which must have been 
Hme aigo— down to that hour. The Long-L 
ctoc appear. Dinner, half an hoiir later than 



A 



mCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 159 



announced, md eiill no Lang-lost. We 33: 
to labl*- The ItTiif'e and lork of the Long- 
nuide a vacuum in Nature, and when the 
npigne came round for the first time, Flip^eld 
him up for the day, and had them removed, 
then that the Long-lost gained the height of 
opuluity wiith the company ; for my own 
il ielt convinced that 1 loved him dearly. 
Bid's dinners are perfect, and he is the easiest 
M of emcrtainers. Dinner wenc on brillisnlly, 
[the more the L.ong-lDst didn't come, the more 
ibJe we grew, itnd the more highly we 
Sit of him. Flipfield's own man (who has a 
for tnc^ was in the act of struggling with an 
^am siipcjidiary, to wrest from him the wooden 
a Guinea-fowl which he was pressing oa my 
stance, 3.nd to subsdcute a slice of the breast, 
1 ringing at the door-bell suspended the stril'e. 
!d round me, and perceived the sudden pallor 
I knew my own visage revealed, reflected in 
larei of the company. Flipfield hurriedly cx- 
himselft went out, was absent for about a min- 
rwo, and then re-entered with the Long-lost, 
to say disuncdy that it a stranger had 
tht Mont Blanc with him, or had come ai- 
by a retinue of eternal snows, he could not 
Btre chilled the circle to the marrow in a. more 
ficicnt manner. Embodied Failure sat enthroned 
pon the Long-Iaat's brow, »nd pervaded him to his 
.ong-Iosi boots. In vain Mrs. Flipfield senior, 
pcning her arms, exclaimed, " My Tom ! " and 
/etaed his nose against the couatcrfcit present- 
■Bt of his other parent. In vain Miss Flipfield, 
^■e first transports of this rc<uaion, showed him 
^Kt upon her maidenly cheek, and asked him if 
^Knembered when he did that with the bellows? 



r de 




TRAVBLLER | 
. bot' 

■ttcr, jnd 

^fcxhlni- he ci 



^- Gag^L 



t(i 



Is ^. 
diat thr lc«liillCJ 
tc (ietetD 
mrsclf^ up 

ef WMp islred litm' 

c » a ^M Ufc tf rxLt v ao a open to 

we tke fiwnd of the lainQi 
a wa it h oc Tc n t T>ce, 

■D ■■^■Bl HSB ■ mt^gntxicy or 1 

COBS DC f ft Hi'T frotn tke Long-Ic 
«itb tfe isnefiKMs of >By iiidJvidLuJ ' 
He coaen&sed FEpfidd dead, before 1 
axes la tAnetu He bad do ides— or aSkc 
hnv so idea — tiai it wu lui brorii«r'c b'lrchdn 
i 4Md OB the ammaoAcxdtm of dui isicrcsrinf 
■ Id Um, rocT^ vnmed to male hioi out tour 
cider thzD he wax. He was kd tndpatheut 
»^ with a pecaEar power ind gift of trcsdii 
eTctrbodjf'j tendfrest place. Tbcy talk in Amt 
of a mm's "Plarfonn.'* I shnuld deacribc, 
Jtadbmi of the Long-lost as a Platform com.| 
*f other people's corns, on which he had stt 
his vnf, with aB hi& might and tnain, to lii$ 
voritiott. It is needless to adcj that F!jp6eld'a1 
btrthday went by the baard, end that he 
wreck when I pretended at parmig to wisl 
maoj' happy returns of it- 



IM&RCtAI* TRAVEL 



re is aootlicr class of binhda^ys ai which 1 
■0 frequently asslGlcd^ that 1 may asaume scch 
hdays :o be preity well known to the kuman 
K- My friend Mayday's birthday ia an cx- 
Thc guests have no knowledge of one an- 
except on thai one day in the year, and arc 
ily terrified for a week by the prospect of 
ngoncanQtheragain. Thereisaiicuon among 
we have uncommon reasons for being particu- 
tivdy and spiriccd on the occasion, whereas deep 
adency is no phrase for the expression of our 
. But the wonderliii feature of the cage ia, 
are in tacit accordance to avoid the subject—- 
ep it as far of as possible^ as long as possible 
to talk sboLii anything else, rather than the 
event. I may even go so far as tD assert 
there is a dumb cotnpact among us that wc 
ffl pretend that it b not Mayday^s birthday. A 
lyiieiioca and gloomy Being, who is said to have 
Hue to school with Mayday, and who is so lank and 
ao that he seiioLsly impngnB the Dietary of the 
labiiahmcpt a: which they were jointly educated. 
Ways leads us, as I may say, to the block, by tay- 

fttis grisly hand on a decanter and begging us to 
*or glasses. The devices and pretences that I 
(ve leen put ia practice to defer the fatal moment, 
intcr|pose between tliis man and bh pitr- 
larc innumerable. I have known desperate 
when they saw the grisly hand approaching 
Iter, wildly to begin, without any ante- 
atsoever, *'That reminds me — " and 
ito long atones. When at la^t the hand 
decanter come together, a shudder, a pal-> 
pcrcepdiilc shudder, goes round the table. 
Eceive the reminder that it is Mayday'i birth- 
. it* it were the anniversary of aome profound 



THAVEU^K 





drank MiiJ 

vekh A ghat 
if wc wot 

. ei :b T*^^-^ kne i public ai 
Mr-bvvJMoa'j home," 
m ptttar. An lai 
DuQbcmugh to 
i^ dc ngi^it &ce o^ the wa:en ; bej 
matted yfO^Bbmam^gasxjtJh/ftui 
Wtbepnaplkae^ixepM. ThcCc 
m&lpaisd up lir s locilly^ imiDot 
|.Aadf , bim ike R^Micd Dntlbonugk wi 

NobttficL Ik iU> *tcte ot' tluagif it is^ 
record tkn Danbontogh did 
CTCXT mm doea wno ac vmus to wiuc u 
ddivvr a IcCTKC, Hkd it pnmdchd «ich til 
temU except k jobfccc. Ii ieH back upon SI 

No sooBCT WW ii resolved to celebrate SI 
apmt^s btnhday in DuUfaorougb, tioan tbe 
[luit]r of [he immortal bard became surpr 
You miglw have supposed ihc first edition 
works to have been poblishetj last week, ajic 
thusiajiic Dullborougli ro have got half 
them. (I doubt, by the my^ whether it hadi 
done half that, but this is a private opiiugn.J 
young gentleman with a aontiet, the retenlic 
which for two years had enfeebled his ntitK 
underfilled his kueea, got the sonnet into ihe 
borough Warden, and gained flesh. Portrail 
Shakespeare broke out in the bookshop wti 
and our principal artis: painted a large ojiginil i 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 363 



in oils for the decoration of the dining-room. 

|"fai not in the leaai like any of the other por- 

va, Kid was exeeedingl)" admired, the head be- 

icnuch gwollcn. Ar the [nsiitutiorij the Debat- 

Socicty discussed the vew queatian. Was there 

MOi ground Tof supposing that the Immortal 

kItMpcarc ever atole deer ? This wasindignantly 

Mti by an overwhelming raajoriEy in the ncg^- 

ifidecd, there was hut one vote on the Poach- 

■udt, and that was the vote of the orator who 

undertaken to advocate it, and who became 

«n obnoxious cTiarscter — particularly to tht 

trough *• roughs," who were about as well 

rted on the matter as most other people. Dis- 

uiahcd apeakers were invJEed down, and very 

Wy Canoe (but not quite). Subscriptions were 

and committees sat, and it would have 

fir from a popular measure in the height of 

excitement, to have told Dullborougb that it 

I't Stratford-upon-Avon. Yet, after all these 

iljons, when the great fejtivitv took place, 

the portrait, elevated aloft, surveyed the com- 

u if it were in danger of springing a mine ; 

Itcllect and blowing itself up, it did undoubt- 

happcn^ acrording to the inscrutable mysteries 

Wiigs, that nobody could be induced, not to 

iiv to tfiuch iipoTi Shakespeare, but to come within ( 

if him, until the crack speaker of Dullbof-i 

ic tnprnposethe iinmortal memory. Which 

he did with the perplexing and astonishing result I 

before he had repeated the great name ha|f-a- 

timeS, or had been upon his legs as many 

ft he was assailed with a genci^l shout w 




abt THE aaOOHIIEBCIAI. TRAVELL^ 



OMtpccf XX 

■OCXS RIK TKS CSCaT IALT LAKE 



i^^BS^E^OLD Bc oo my vny to an Emigrant S\ 
f T3 OS * kcK icmiig early in June. My 
Bes tfanR)^ us pm of London generally kno' 
to the itasfted *» " Down by ih* Docks." D» 
bjr ^ Docks, IS home to a good many people- 
EDO mnj, it* I tcmf jn^gc ^om die overflow 
local |x>pcu<tk>a tfi the UTCCts — but my nnst Ii 
oi:e9 tb*t tiie &amfa£T ta whom it l» Sweet Uo 
m^gfac be eatiJjr oocxixd. Don'n bv tlie Docks 
a regioo 1 woold. ckooee as my point ot'cmbi 
•doo aboard fbip if I were an eimgraiil:^ U W 
pRSeu mjr tBU&Don to me in such a sensible lij 
it would sfaow me so many tHings to be run 

Down by the Docks, tbey e*t the largest oyj 
and scatter zMe roughest oysier shclU, kooivn lo 
descendants of SuDt Geor^ and the Dn| 
Down by tht Docks, they consume the slimiest 
^ei]-ii?h, which seem to have been scraped off 
copper bottoms o( ships, Down by the Do 
the vegetables at grcmgroccrs' door& acquire a 
and a scaly iook* as if they had been crossed ' 
fish and seaweed. Down by the Dockt« 
"board seajnen" at the eadng-houses, the pu 
hocsea, the plop-^hops, the coft'cc-sbopa, d\e t 
shops, all kinds oC shops mencionablc aiid luui 
lionable — board them, as it were, in tkc )xnl 
sense, making them bleed terribly, and giving 
quarter. Down by the Docks., the teaineu 
in mid-street and mid-day, their poclcect i 
and dieir heads no better, Down by tb 
the daughters of wave-ruling Britannia 





UNCOMMBRCIAL TRAVELLER 365 



in sitkcn ature, with uncovered tresiC£ streatn- 

,in the brcc7-c, bandanin& kerchiefs floating frpin 

jtioulddrs, and crinoline not wanting. Down 

lie Docks, you may hear ihc Fncomparable Joe 

3n sing the Standard of England, wi[h a, horn- 

f, any night ; or any day may sec at the wax- 

for a penny and no waiting, him as killed 

Lpoliccnian aC Acton and auiltred tor it. Down 

Docks, you may buy polonies, saveloys, and 

se prcparationa vajiousj if you are not par- 

wiiat they are made of besides seasoning. 

by the Docks, the children of Israel creep 

aay gloomy cribs, and entries they can hire, 

ihang alopa thcric — pewter watches, aon'-wcstcTi 

waterproof overalls—" hriht rate articleth, 

ick," Down by the Docits, such dealers cs-< 

ig on a frame a complete nauiicai scit wichDUt 

irefinernent of a waxen visage in the ha:, pre- 

ihc imaghiary wearer ss drooping at the yard- 

with his seafaring and earthfaring troubles 

Down by the Docks, tlie placards in the 

■pnstroplusc the customer, knowing him 

riy beforehand, as, "Look here. Jack 1 ** 

's your sort, my lad ! " " Try our sc^ 

mixed, Bt two and nine i " " The right kit 

llhe BriiieK tar!" "Ship ahoy!" "Splice 

lin-brace, brother ! " '* Come, cheer up, my 

We've the best liquors here. And you'll 

something new In our wonderiiil Beer ! " 

ra by (he Docks, the pawnbroker lends mone|r 

IUnion'Jack pockei-handkerchieis, on watchw : 
I iittlc shjpfi pitching fore and ait on the dial, 
iclest'opea, nautical instrunnents in cases, and ' 
-like. Down by the Docks, the apothecary . 
Up in business on the wrcEchcdest .scale — chjcfiy 
Int and pktter &r the strapping of wounds— 



3G6 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



■nd with no bright bottles, and with no little 
rrt, Down by the Docks, the shabbj' ott 
taker's shop (vill bury you for next co tt 
after the Malay or Chinaman has stab 
jioihing at all ; so you can feardly hope 
cheaper end. Down by the DocJcs, any 
wilt quarrd with anybotiy drunk or si 
everybody else will have a hand in it, and 
shorteat notice you may revolve in s whiiiptw 
red shirts, shaggy beardsj vvUd b?sds of liair, 
tattooed arms, Britannia's daughters, mali«, i 
tnauTidering, and madncsj. Down by the D( 
•scraping liddles go in the public-houses a\\ dtyl 
flnd, shrill above their din and all the din, rttM 
•screeching of innumerable parrots brought 
' "fordgn parts, who appear to be very much 
tonbhed by what they find on these native ifc 
'Tsf ours. Posnibly the parrots doti't know, pi 
they do. that Down by the Docka is the ros 
The Pacific Oceaq, with its lovely islands, w 
the savage girls plait Rowers, and the Bavage 
■carve cocoarut shells, and the grim blind idoli 
in their shady groves to exactly the same poi 
as the priests and chiefs. And possibly th* 
rots don't knnw^ possibly they do, that the 
savage is a wearisome impostor wherever he ii, 
has five hundred thou&and volumes of iadiffi 
rhjine, and no reasoTi, to answer for. 

Shfldwell church ! Pleasant whispers of 
being a fresher air down the river than Dow 
the Docks, go pursuing one another, playful 
and out of the openings in its spire. Gigftni 
the basin just beyond the church, looms my 
grant Ship : her natne. the Amazon. HvT fi 
head is not MsfignTcd 95 those b?aut«ou( fbu 
of the race of strong-minded women art fth| 



A 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 267 

1, for the convenience of drawing the bow ; 

fmpilhiae wkh the carver : 

eriDg fairver who mBde it liis care 

busU as they ought to b«— not as they were, 

ligrmt Ship lies broadudc-on to the wharf. 
rest gangwaya made of spare and plankj coa- 
wiih the wharf; and up and down thes* 
lytt perpetually crowding to and fro atid in 
t, like BDts, we the Enugrants who arc going 
my Etnjgrant Sbip. Soiu« ivi;h cabbages, 
mh loaves of breads eome with cheese and 
some with milt and beer, some with boxes 
find bundkfl, &onje with babies — nearly all 
childrei; — nearly all witK bran-new dn cam 
their daily allowance of wat^r, uncomfortably 
ive of a tin ilavour in the drink. To and 
and down, aboard and ashore, swarmitig 
id there and everywhere, my Emigranci. 
ill as the Dock-Gate iswings upon ita hinges, 
»pear, and carta appear, and vans appeat, 
ilg more of my Emigrants, with mnre cabbagESj 
ivea, more cheese and butter^ more milk 
rnore boxes beds and bundles, more tin 
nd on those shipping invejtnicrirs accumi)- 
jmponnd interest of children. 
aboard my Emigrant Ship. I go first to 
peat cabinj and ficd it in the usual condition 
Cabin at that pass. Perspiring landsmen, with 
tpers, and with pens and inkstands, pervade 
the general appearance of things h as if the 
Amazon's funeral had just come home 
cemeicry, and the disconsolate Mrs. 
tnisceee found the sffkir-i in great dJi- 
W<re looking high and low for the will. 
on the poop-deck, for air, and surveying 



THE tmcOiaiBRClAL 



TIU^H 



dnJP 



tW sDJg^can Ml tbe deck brimw f'ind^f!'^ 
axywied iB aboct rac, op there too), €ni 
pcBA and wit<r«Tit1» IB actJDCi, and more pap 
tBtenniidUe cocnsficadon reapecdng 
iiuiindaa}i for nn cass and ivhat not. 
body is is an iU-»cniper, nobody b 
drink, nobody iwnr^ an oath or ua< 
wonj, nobody appean depressed, nol 
feg. Mid down apcm the deck in 
wlwTe h » poiaiMe to find a few sqn 
kneel, crocdh, or tie m^ people, in every in 
attitude for writing:, arc writing letters. 

Now, 1 htvc !<en emigrant ships bef( 
ifl Jc&e. And these people are so strikia; 
cot '&om alt other people in like circvn 
whom 1 have ctct seen, thai I wondcl 
•• What tfaaiJ a strai^ger suppose these c 
be!** 

The vigilant bright face of the vrexthi 
Captahi of the Amazon is at tny shoul 
says, ** What, indeed ! The mosi of 
aboard yesterday evening. They came fiwn 
parts of England tn jmalJ parties !hai 
«en one another before. Vet they had 
couple of hours on board, when they 
their own police, made their own regyltfii 
set their own watches »t all the hatchwa 
nine o*clock, the ship was as orderly and 
a man-of-war." 

I looked sboHt me again, and savr 
writing going on with the most curioua 



i 



1 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 269 

' evcfywhere for two hundred other strangers, 
[ WKcrc asking questions about them of two huu- 
i more ; while the children played up and 
tt all the steps, and in and out among all the 
jle's legs, and were belidd, to the general dis- 
, toppling over alt the dangerous plares ; the 
r-writers wrote on calmly. On the starboard 
of" the ship, a grizzled man dictated a long 
r to another grizzled man in an immense fur 
: ^vhich letter was of so profound a quality, that 
lecame necessary lor the amanuensis ai intervals 
wl^e otf his fur cap in both his hands, tor the 
ilUataoti of hia brain, and stare at him \vhf> 
:iBicd, as a man of many mysteries who was 
cr^ loufcing at. On the larboard aide, a woman 
id covered a belaying-pin with a white cloth to 
nuVc a near desk of it, and was Htring on a littk 
Viox, ^Writing with the deliberadon of a bookkeeper. 
.Dowri ujvij, her breast on the planks nf the deck at 
I iBs woman's feet, with her head diving in under 
|l beam of the bulwarks on that side, as an eligible 
AJJKC of refuge for her sheet of paper, a neat and 
IpTVtty girl wrote for a good hour (she fainted at 

Iw), oflly rising to the surface occasionally for a 
Cipdfink, Along&ide the boaE, close to me on the 
(Suop-tieclt, another girl, a fresh well-grown country 
ftirl, wai writing another letter on the bare deck. 
utcr in the day, when rhia aelf-same boat was 
Sflcd with 3 choir who sang glees and catches fbr a 
'dig riine, one of the singers, a girl, sang her part 
Jie^hanically all the while, and wrote a letter tn the 
Uttom of the boat while doing so. 

" A itranger would be puzzled to guess the 
t|)it name for these people, Mr. Uncommwciad^" 
tfs Ute ctptiin. 
^« Indeed he woifJd. ** 



270 THK UNCOKMBRCIAX. TRAVELI 



"If 



TC9 






kftOWk, could Tou cvtft 



*'Howc(Mi}d II I ilKMild btvcstid duf', 
(Iwr degree the pick and Sower of Ed| 
'* So skeoU V ays the cupuin. 
•■ Haw ntmy mc ibejr I ** 
•• Eight koikdmi io romd mnnben." 
I wv&t betwccB-dcckj, where the funilieal 
^ijdreB avrtrmed is thit dtik, where onavoi 
rcoafaMoo. bad been cauaed by she last iirririli 
lyrhen the cfrnfii^oo wu iDcrcased by the^ 
pprepanoDia fbr dinner ihac were going on 
g;(0)ip. A few womcD here and there, baj 
■ Itm, Mid were laughing at u, and fiskln^ theil 
to tbcir own people, or out on deck ^ain. 
of the poor children were crying; but other 
universal cheertulness was amazing. '" We] 
ahake down by to-morrow." " We shall 
right in 8 day or so." " We jhall have more 
at Ka," Such phrases 1 h^ard evcrywher 
groped my way among chests and bmrrali 
benma and unstowcd cargo and ring-bok 
Emigrants, do^vn to the lowcf-dcck, and 
up to the light of day again, and to my 
eutioB. 

Surely, an extraordinary people in their 
of jcU'-abstraction ! Al! the former Icttcr-i 
were aiill writing calmly, and many more 
writeri had broken out in my ibaence. 
with a bag of boolca in his hand and a slatej 
hi» arm, emerged from below, conccntnw 
■elf in my neighbourhood (espying a com 
tkylight for hi* purpose), and went to wot 
sum w il he were sionc deaf. A &t.hcr and 
and several young chUdren, on the mi 
below inc, had formed i tUmUy circle cl< 




ttm UNCOMMERClAt, TRAVELLER iyj 



6i9t of the crowded tcbcIcss gangway, where tht 

- children made a ant for thcipsclves ix\ a coil of 
TOpe, and ihc fether and mother, she sucfcling the 
voungest, discussed family afiVtirs as peaceably a^ if 
f'tiry ^vcre In perfect rctiremenU I think the mast 
MUceablc characcerisTic in the eight hundred as a 
was their exemption from hiirrv. 
Eight feandred what ? " Geese, villain }" ElCHT 
>RPD Mormons. I, Uncommercial Traveller 
fthe firm of Human Interest Brothers, had come 
("d das Emigrant Ship to see what Eight huti^ 
IjUer-Day Saints vvcre like, and 1 found them 
the rout and overthrow of all my expectations) 

Swhat J now deaciibc with scrupulous exactness. 
fhc Mormon Agent who hud been active in 
Jng rhem together, and in making the contract 
h my fHend^ the owners of the ship to cake 
rficm as far as New York on their way to the Great 
Salt Lake, was pointed out to me. A compactly- 
tDsdc handsome man in black, rather short, with 
rich-brown hair and beard, and clear bright cyca. 
i Fnta hia speech, I should set him dowti aa Ameri- 
;«ta. Probably, a man who had ^* knocked about 
(the world" pretty much, A man with a frank 
•pen manner, and unshrinking look ; withal a man 
(rf great quickneBs. I believe he was wholly igno- 
IttDi of my Uncommercial individuality, and con- 
i*tqacnt}y of my immense Uncoiumercial impor- 
^lace. 

■JJkcommercial. These arc a very fine *« of 
^^tc you have brought together here, 
■ MoBMQN Agent. Yes, sir, ihey are a very fine 
»ei of p«opIc. 

UwCOMMtRCiAL (looking about). Indeed, I think 

Eild be difBcuit to fmd Eight hundred people 
er anywhere else, and find so mucV \itsu.t^ 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLS 

aril 30 much sciMigth and capacity for work u 
th«m. 

Mormon Agent (not looting about^bm Ifl 
atcadUy at Uncoramercia]). 1 thinit 6o.^^^'i 
out about a thousand more, yea'day, irom liva 

UfJcoMMERciAt.. Vou art Hot goiug w^ 
emigrants ? 

MokMojf Agent, No, mt. I remain. 

Uncommercial, But you have been in thfc 
mon Territory ? 

Mormon Agent. Ycsj I left Uiali about 
years ago. 

Uncommercial, Ii h surpming to me that 
peoplfi Are all io cheery, and malte aq ilttte 
immense disracce betbre tbem. 

Mormon AG£Nr. Well, you see; miny 
have friends out at Utah, and msiny of 'en 
forward to meeting triends on the way. 

Uncommercial,. On the way ? 

MoKhiON Agejjt. This way 'm, Tlii 
lands 'em in New York City. Then ihey 
by rait right away beyond St. Louis, to thl 
of the Bank.5 of the Missoari where ihey sEri 
Plains. There, waggons from the Betttcmcn^ 
'em to bear 'cm company on their journey ' 
twelve hundred miles abouL Industrious 
who come oat to the seciJement soon get W: 
of their own, and so the friends of some o£ 
ivill come down in their own waggons to 
'em. They look forward la thai, greatly. 

Uncommercial. On their lorg journey 
the Descn, do you arm liiem } 

Mormon Acent, Mostly you would fin 
have arms of some kind or another alread 
them. SitL-h as had not arms wc should am 
the Plains, lor the general protection aod d 




of 



[oRMON Agent. 

Iqruon Acent. 

Uncommercial, 
MoRUON Agent* 



THE UNCOMMERClAt, TRAVELLER 273 

)MMEKCiAL. Will ihcsc waggonB bring down 
EprcjJuce 10 tlie MisiDuri ? 

loXMON AcEKT, Wcl], siTce the war broke,.' 

Bt, we've uliea Lo growing cotton, and they'll likely 

Pi-i-g tluwi) Cotton to be exchanged ibr mschinery. 
want inackiner)''. Also we have taten 10 gfow- 
in^igo, which is a Has commodity Tor prolit. It 
nu been fouad that the chmate on die fiirt)(er side 

Kie Great Salt Lake auitii well lor raisiiig indigo, 
ACouMEKciAL. I am told that these people 
oa board are priudpally from the Soutlj 
Eaglaxid ? 

KORUON Agent. And from Wales. That'atrue, 
KconMERCiAL. Do you gct msjiy Scotch? 
QRuoN AcENT. Not many* 

Highlanders, for instatice ? 
No, rot Highlanders. Thcytjj 
Mn't interested enough in tmivcrsid brotherhood and^ 
peace atid good will. 

) Uncommercial. The old fighting bloodiiECroog 
KORMO» Agent, Wellj yes. And besJdcB ; 
f've no &iih. 
(JmCqmmercial (who has been burning to get at 
the Prophet Joe Smith, ^nd ^eerns to discover an 

IdHjuiig]. Faith in ! 

^^HoRMOiv A(;ent (iar too many for Uncommer- 
K^D). Well. — In anything ! 

Similarly on this same head, the Uncommercial 
tmderwcnt discomfiture from a Wiltshire labourer: 
> ample fresh -co loured farm -labourer, of elgbt-ajid- 
liiirly, who at one dme stood beside him looking 
at new arrivals, and tvith whom he held thii 
»gue: 

^MCOMMEKciAi.. Would you mind my asking 
tivhat part of the country you cotne &om^ 



TRAVELLET 



d SIT fife •* SiMwT PItin. 
V 1>^rVBL Yen Bit 

^1 *Tb ■ picaacet coimtry. 

BIT fianHy on \ 
TVm dAciv^ brr md gd. II 
«■. ^i4 1^ eottg ODt aLJongerj 
Tfac^ BIT ^I, aid Ae'» a 

fC* Ml fcsdl BT bcT. J'd 

THtn WDtdM« 

oi' booe*. w1 
a Wv fa* m m^tk ! ^Bor b>niig iindat 

!»:> ' 

T'w iMiii III It vmst coat ram a gical 

W {O •■ £r, ^MC KTOBp. 

WaxsBKf. Apmrrrof moacT. Tbcct! 
a week, d^ iUDa a w««k, eigbt 
poi In^ oct oT tte wcck*t wages for 

WiLTscoxx ( it tog aa iag in tkis > kin<lrcd t\ 
Ste Aea Mm* ! / woader how I done it ! 
what with a bk o* tnfascripaoB kecr, and wh&E 

I ■ bit Q* bdp tbrer, ic wot done it la&t, tho' 
dcBi*t bardlff know how. Then ii w^rc unfot 

~fbr ns, you see, is we got kcp' m Bristol %o I 
nigh • tannigbt, it wcrc^-or accounts of a 
wi' Brother Halliday. Swaller'd up money, 
when wc might have come straight on. 

UncjOmmesCiaL (delicately ajTptwoching 
Smith), Vouareof tbcMonnonreSgioD, of 



niRB (confidently). O yes, I'm a Mor- 

(Thcn rcftectivel)'.) I'm i Mormon. 

iooking round the ship, feigns to descry 

lar friertd in an empty spor, and evades the 

inerciil for evermore.) 

r a noontide pau5c for dinner, during which 

migraflts were nearly all faetween-decks» and 

kmaion looked deserted, a general muster took 

The muster was for the ceremony of pass- 

ft Government Inspector and the Doctor. 

aathoriiks held their temporary stste amid- 

ly a cask or two ; and, knowing that the 

Eight hundred emigrants must come face to 

ith iheni, I look my station behind the two. 

knsw nothing whatever of me, I believe, and 

Itimony to the unpretending gentlenesa and 

latufe with which they discharged their duty, 

of the greater worcii. There was not the 

: ilavour of che Circumlocution Office about 

-oceedings. 

K emigranta were now al! on deck. They 

Icnaely crowded aft, and swarmed upon the 

cck like bees. Two or three Mormon agents 

ready To hand them on lo the Inspector* and 

il them forward when fhey bad passed. By 

uccessfiil means, a special apdlude for or- 

ion had been mflised into these people, 1 un, 

*e, unable to report. But I know that, even 

here was no disorder, hurry, or difficulty. 

being ready, the first group are handed on. 

Inember of the party who is entnisted with 

ftenger-ricfcet for the whole, has been warned 

! of the agents to have it ready, and here k 

Ids hand. In every instance through the 

eight hundred, without an exception, this 

» iwaya ready. ^m 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



ImpccTOK {MKaAtg tht ticka). Jessie Ji 
Sop^raou Jobfoo, Jessie Jobsoa 3^ - 
SOB, Waiim* Jt»h*o*i, Ja&e Job**, 
again. Bd^um jobaoo, LcoToido joa&ut., . 
son lobson. Arr j^du aH bcre i {^Itm 
partT, avTT his spectacles}. 

}uit£ JOBSOS Si^lHES. TwO. All hCTC, UT, 

Tlib group u composed ot* an old gnxviiit 
and gnDdiQDiker, their inairied aoq &Did hli 
and :k£rr £uialy of ciiildrcn. Onon Jobson 
liitk child asleep m his mother's arms. The 
tar, wiih s kind wocd or to, liRs up ihe corctfj 
the modier's shawl, looks At the child's fice, : 
louchci the little clenched hand. If we were 
well as Orson Job&on, doctoring would be a 
pro&tsioii. 

Inspector. Quite right, Jessie jotaon. T^ 
your dck.ct, Jes&ie, and pasft on. 

And 3Way they go. Mortnon ageiji, skilful 
quiet, hands them on. Mormon agi^ni, akilful 
quiet, handi next psny up. 

L>5PECT0ii (reading ticket agido). Sui 
Cleverly and Williaia Cleverly. Brother audi 
icr, eh i 

SisTEJt (young woman of buMDcsa, hustling 
brothei). Yes, sir. 

Inspector. V&y good, Susannah Cl« 
Take your uckct, Susannah, and take care of il.J 

And away they go. 

Inspector (taking ncket agalti). Sampson 
blc and Dorothy Dibble (surveying a very 
coDple over lib spectacles, with Eotne surplil 
Vour husband quite bliod, Mrs. Dibble ? 

Mrs. Dibble. Yes, sir, he be stone-bUnd. 

Mk,. DiBBifE (addresung thc-mast). Vu, 
he it[jDC-bUnd. 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 277 

pECTOK. That's a had job. Take your 
Mrs. Dibbl<;, and don't lose it, and pass on. 

tor taps Mr. Dibble on the eyebrow with 

;6nger, and away chey go. 

ECTUK ( taking ticket again). Anastatia 

e. 

,8TAnA (a pretty girl, in a bright Garibalidi, 
[orning elected by umversal suffrage the Beauty 

ihip). Thai is me, sir, 

'BCTOK. Going atone, Anascatia ? 

ATU (shaking her curls). I am wnh 

Jobson, slr» hut I've got separated for ihs 

It. 

'ECTOR. Oh ! You are with the Jofaaons ? 

light. That'll do. Miss Weedle. Don't 

lur tieWt. 

ly she goes, and joins the Jobsona who are 

; for her, and atoops and kisses Erigham Job- 

rho appears to be coc&idercd loo young SoT 

irposc, by several Mormons ming twenty, 

tre looking on. Before her extensive ekirts 

iiepsrtcd from the casks, a decent widow 
there with four children, and so the roll 

ikces of some of the Welsh people, among 
there were many old pcrsans, were ccrteinly 
it inielligent. Some of these emigrants would 
iingled sorely, but for the directing hind that 
ways ready. The intelligence here wss un- 
nably of a low order, and tbe heada were of 

type. Generally the case was the reverse. 
were rtwny worn faces bearing traces of pa- 

vtny and hard work, and there was great 
ja of purpose and much tindemonstradve 
Ipeci among tbii class. A tew young men 
;otDg singly. Several girls were going, two 



iMI 



378 THR UNCOMMERCIAl. TRAVELLU 



or thm together. Theie latter I foanA ii 
difficnh to refer b»ck, in my mind, to thdr 
qciaiiod, bomes and pursuits. Perhaps liicy 
more liie countrj' milliners, and pupil te 
rather tawdrily dressed, thin any cdier cli 
young women. 1 nodced, amoQg many 
nients worn, more than one photograph 
ihc Princei& of Wales, and also of the late Pri 
Coa&on. Some single women of from ttirt] 
'Jbrty^ whom ore might Buppose to be embrcidi 
or jtraw-boiinct-makerj, were obviocsJy goioL 
in que«t of husbands, as finer ladies go tola 
Thar they had any distina notions of a plitrd^ 
busbauds or wives, I do not beUeve. To sup 
the tamily groups of whom the majority of 
grants were composed, polygamicaily po&ic 
would be [o suppose an abmrdity* manifest to 
(ine who saw the fathers and mothera. 

I ehould Bay (I had no means of aBcertaimng 
fact) that most familiar kinds of handicrifi tr 
Were represerited here. Farm-iabourers, &hcph< 
and the like, had their full share of repreacBtxl 
but 1 doubt i!' they preponderated. It wu ifl 
esdng to see how the leading Bpirit in the fl 
circle never failed to show itself, even in liie H 
process of a;nswc:ring to the names as ihey 
called, and checking off the owners of the ni 
Sonietimes it was the father, much ofiener 
mother, somctimcB a quiet litllc girl second or 
in order of seniority. It seemed to occur 
first dine to some heavy fathers, what large 
thev had ; and their eyes rolled about, 
calling of the list, as if they half-misdo 
other fitnily to have been smuggled into their 
Among all the ^ne handsome children, I ob 
but iwo with tnarks upon thejr necks that 



(MMBRCIAL TRAVELIXR 

:bl;^ ecfofiilotis. Out of the whole number 
DJgrants, but one old WDOian was temporariiy 
Side by the doctor, od BuspJcLoa of fever ; 
iven ahe afterwards obtained a clean bill of 

icn all had " passed^'^ and the afterncmn be- 
Eo wear on, a bl^ick box heCame visible on 

which box was in charge of certain person- 
■Jto in blaclc, of whom only one had the con- 
)naJ air of an Itinerant preacher. This box 
ned a supply of hymn-booka, neatly prinred 

DC up, published at Liverpool, and also In 
ID at ihc '* Latter-Day Sainla* Book Depot, 

lorence-strcet." Some copies were hand- 
y bound j the plainer were the more in re* 

and many were bought. The title ran : 
red Hymns and Spiritual Songs for the Church 
at Christ of Lfltter-Day Saints." The Pref- 
atcd Manchester, 1B4.0, ran thus: — "The 

in thjj country have been very deairous for a 
I Book adapted to their faith and worship, 
hey might sing the truth viath an understand- 
eart, and express their praise Joy and gradtude 
)^i adapted to the New and Everlasdng Covc- 

Jn accordance with their wishes^ we have 
cd the following volume, which wc hope will 

■cctptablc until a greater variety can be 
With aentimenta of high consideration and 

, we aubacribe ouraclvcs your brethren in the 

nd Everlasting Covenant, Brigham Vouhc, 
T P. Pratt, John Taylor/' From this 
"by no means explanatory to myself of the 
and Everlaadng Covenant, and not at all 
g my heart an understanding one on the sub- 
that tnystery— a hymn was sntig, which did 
trace any great amount of attendon, and wat 




280 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLKR 



aapportcd by a rarher select circle. But the choir 
in the boat was very popular and pIcasasT ; «nd 
thi^re was ro have been a Band, only the Comet 
vis taie in coming on bo^d. Id [he coutsc of 
alternoon, a mother appeared from shore, in 
of her dflughTcr» " who had run awav with 
MormoDs, " She received every assistance 
the Inspector, but her daughter waa not tbuDiitO 
on board. The saints did not seem to me, 
ticularly interested in finding iter. 

Towards five o'dock, the gailay became ibU of 
tea-kettles, and an agreeable ii>agrditce of ie« p» 
vaded the ship. There was no scrambling of 
)OSliing for the hot water, no ill hturour, no qtiairel' 
ling. As the Amazon was to sill with the naU 
tide, and as it would not be high water before nrt 
o'clock in the rnrming, X left her with her tM in 
full action, and her idle Steam Tug lying by, 
deputing steam and smolce for the time being to tbt 
Tea-kettles. 

1 afterwards learned that a Despatch was lea 
home by the captain before he struck out into thi 
wide Atlantic, highly extolling the behavioui rf 
these Emigrants, and the perfect order and |)ro* 
priety a{ all their social arrangemenrs. What ij ta 
store for the poor people on the shores of the G 
Salt Lake, what happy detusions they are lab 
under now, on what miBerabie blindness their 
may be opened then, I do not pretend to say. 
i went on board their ship to bear tM 
ii^nst them if they deserved it, as I fully belli 
they would ; to my great astonishment they did nrt 
desen^e k ; and my predi8po8ition3 and tendendei 
must not affect me as an honest witness. I went 
over the Amazon's side^ feeling it impossible to 
deny that, «o &r, some remarkable influence had 




ERCIAL 



ix remarkable result, which better known 
vc Dtrcn. miBsed.* 



Chapter XXI 

CITT OF THE ABSENT 

I tiiiiik J deserve particularly well of 
nyself, and have Ciiriied the right to enjoj 
(veat, I stroll from Covent-garden into ihz 
taa^on, after busmeas-hourH there, on a 
I or— better yet— on a Suuday, and roaro 
! deserted nooks s,nd corners. It is neces- 
he full enjayment of rhese joarncvs thai 
tld be made in summer-time, for then the 
K*ts that I love to hsunt, are at their idlest 
141. A gentle fiall of rain ia not objcction- 
( 3 waiTO mist sets off my tavourirc reireaca 
d advantage. 

g these, City Chuirhyards hold a high 
fvtch strange churchyards hide in the City 

lliis Uncommercial Jaumey wss priuted, I 
to mention the experience it describes 1q Lord 
[. That gentleman llien showed ine an article 
[ling', in 7'Ae Ediiib%irgh Reuiiv} for January, 
ph is highly reniarkable for its philgsophicpl 
grjr research conceraing these Latler-Day 
bud in it the rollawingsenleiices ; — " The Select 
p of the House of Cotnmons uti emigrant ships 
Isofnmoned the Mormon agent sTid passenger- 
tfore it, and came Co the couclusion th&t no 
Br the provisions of the ' Passengers Act' cquld 
(JeiJ upon for o^mfort and security in the Same 
those under his administration. TticMonnoQ 

Family under strong and accepted discipline, 
fy provision for comfort, deconim, and inccmal 



I 



382 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEI 



of Loodon ; cburchyirda sometimes so ea' 
tieiachcd from churches, always Jf> pressed 
by houses; so small, so rank, so Gll^at, saj 
gotten, except by the few people who ever 
Jown iQCo them from their smoky windows, 
stand peeping in through the iroa gates and 
caq pec! the rusty metal off, Itke bark trom 
tree. The illegible tomhatonca are all Icpsid 
grave-mounds lost their shxpe in ihc nlni 
hundred years ago, the Lombardy Poplar or 
Tree that was once a drysalter's daiighw 
several common-councilmen, has wiihercd 
thoic worthies, and its departed leaves are di 
neath it. Contagiari of slow ruin overhan; 
place. The discoloured tiled roofs of the t 
ing buildings stand so awry, that they can 
be proof against any stress of weather. Old 
itacks of chimneys seem to look down at 
overharg, dubiously calculating how ikr th 
have [o fall. In an angle of the walls, w 
DEce the tool-house ot ihe g^ave-digger rots 
encniflted with toadstools. Pipca and spi 
carrying ofF the rain from the encompassing 
broken or feloniously cut for old lead long 
let th« rain drip nmd splash as it liflt, u 
weedy earth. Sometimes there is a rusty 
aomervhcre near, and, as I look in at the 
meditate, 1 hear it working under »n unVno 
with a creaking protest : as though the depaf 
the churchyard urged, " Lee us lie here in 
don't suck us up and drink us ! " 

One of my best beloved churchyards, I 
churchyard of Saint Ghastly Grim ; touchin; 
men in general call it, I have no informati 
lies at the heart of the City, and the 
Railway shrieks at it daily. It ts i small^ 



ERCIAL TRAVELLER 28j 



«« with i ferocious strong spiked iron 
I a JBJL This gate is ornamcnced with 
\ CToaa-btnnes, larger tban the life, wrought 
t but it likewise came into the mind of 
pslly Grim, thac ta stick iron spikes a-todj 

rie skulls, 35 though they were irapokdj 
I pleasant device. Therdbre the ikulli 
piiorribly, thrust through and throcgh with 
te. Hence, there is attraction of repulsion 

El Saint Ghastly Grim, and, having often 
ted it in the daylight and the dark, I once 
|n towards it in a thunderstorm at midnight*. i 
pjt?^' 1 said, in aelf-^xcusc. "I havBJ 
nee the Coloiseum by the light of chi 
\ ifworsc to go to see Snini Ghastly Grinf ' 
^t of the lightning ? ''' I repaired to tlie 
|a hackaey cab, and found the skulk most 
I having the air of a public execurian, zncbj 
«i the lightning flashed, to wink and gr'm 
I psin of the spikes. Having no ochtir 
'9 whom to impart my satlsfsction, I com-* 
'p. h to the driver. So far from being' re* 
I he surveyed me — he was naturally 
bsed red-feccd man — with a blanchec 
pee. And as he drove me back, he eve 
|l glanced in over his shoulder through thd! 
|lt window of his carriage, as snistrusting 
$s a lire originally from a grave in the 
^ of Saint Ghastly Grim, who might 
fcd home again wichouc paying. 
nci, the queer Hall of some queer Com- 
to upon a churchyard such as this, and, 
I Uvery dine* you may hear them (it yoii 
ig in through the iron rails, which you 
when I am) tonsting their own Worship- 
Sometimes, a wholcsole house of 




THE tmCOMMERCIAl, TRAVELLER I 



I 



famracM, r?quinng much rooni for srowtgc, 
occupy ODC or two or cren all three sjd« of 
encloiing space, and The backs of bales of 

will iund)cr up the windows, as if they were he 
iug lomc crowded tTadc-mcciing of tb( 
within. Sometimes, the commanding windi>wil 
all blank, and show no more sign of Uie thzn '■ 
graves bciow — nol so much, for Mz-y tell of 
ODce npon a time was life nndoubtedly. Such 
die FUTTOunding of one City churchyard ibat 1 
lut summer, on a VolunteenQg Saturdav cvi 
towards eighi of the clockj when with astOG 
ment I beheld an old aid man and an old old won 
in it, maidng hay. Yes, of all occupadoiii| 
thij world, rpaJdng hay } It waj t vfry ccui 
patch of churchyard lying between Gracechi: 
street ind the Tower, capable of yielding, 127 
apronfiil of hay. By wbal meanA the old old 
and wouisii had got Itito h^ with ait almost COOlll 
hay-malang rake, I could not fathom. No 
window was within view ; no window at lU 
within view, sufficiently near the ground lo 
enabled their old legs to descend from it ; thei 
churchyard -gate was locked, the mouldy d 
was locked. Gravely among the graves, they 
hay, all alone by themselves. They looked 
Time and his wtte. There was but the one : 
between them, and they both had hold of it 
paatorally'IoiTpg manner, and there was hay oo-i 
old woman's black bonnet, as if the old mar 
recently been playful. The old man was quill 
obsolete old man, in knee- breeches and coarse 
stockings, and the old ivnman wore mittens 
onto his stockings in texture and in colour. 
look no heed of jne as I looked on, unable 
count tor them. The old woman was much 1 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 285 

for a. pew-opener, the old man much too 
t fbr a b«dle. On an old tombstone in the 
jround between me and them, were two chcru- 
• but fur those eeleatial cmbelliahmenM bdng 
rseoEcd as having no possible use for knee- 
tbes, stockings, or mittens, I should have cora- 
^thcm ivich die Kay-makcrs, and sought a llke- 
I Coughed and awoke the echoes, but the 
ikcra never looked at mc. They used the 
Kth H measured action, drawing the scanty 
jwafds them; and so I was fejn co leave 
mdcr three yards and a half of darkening 
ively making hay among the graves, aU 
by themselves. Perhaps they were Spectres, 

ranted a Medium, 
mother City churchyard of similar cramped 
maionj, I saw, that self-same aummer, two 
fbrtablc charity children* They were making' 
i.^tremend'ous proof of the vigour of that im- 
articlc, for they were in the graceful cni- 
ider which English Charity delights to Mdq 
W. — and they were overgrown, and their legs 
at least, for I am modestly incompetent to 
of hers) were aa much in the wrang as mere 
ive weakness ot character can render legs. O 
9» a kadcn churchyard, but no doubt a golden 
ikd to those young persons l I first saw them 
ifSaturday cvcnmg, and, perceiving from their 
Ition that Samrday evening was their trysdng' 
~ returned that evening sc'niught, and rc- 
the contemplation of them. They came 
fto shaVe the bits of matting which were 
in the church aisles, and they afterwards 
:d them up, he rolling his end, she rolling her», 
l^ey met, and over the two once divided now 
■ rolU— sweet emblem ! — gave and received a 






::urneil 



386 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL: 

chfLslc salute. It ivaA ao refre^ng to And 
my faded churchj^ards blooming inio Bower 
that I returned a second dme, and t tbird*^ 
tJdmatelj^ thU befell : — They had left the chuKl 
door open, in iheir dusting and arranging. WsJk- 
ing m to look at the church, 1 became aware, bf 
the dim light, of him in the palpEt^ of her it 
reading- desk, of him looking down, of her k 
up, exchanging tender discourse. Immediately! 
dived, itnd became as it were non-ex latejit on iliii 
sphere. With an assumption of innocence J turned 
to leave the »acred cdiiice, when an obcic ioa, 
stood in the portal, puffily demanding Joseph, 
default of jo£cph, CcUa. Taking thii monste 
the sleeve, and luring him forth on pretence 
showing him whom he aougiil, I gave time for fibe 
emergence of Joseph and Celia, who preicntJj 
ca;inc towards us in the churchyard, bending 
duBty matting, a piccure of thriving and 
sdouj; industry. It would be uiperlluous toi 
that I have ever since deemed this the 
passage in my life. 

But KUfh imiijnces, or any tokens of vitaUt] 
rare indeed in my City churchyardi. A few 
rows occasionally try to raise a lively chirrup h 
their solitary tree — perhaps, as taking a 
view of worms from that entertained by hi 
— but tb'Cy are Hat and hoarse of voice, lik« 
clerk, the organ, the bell, the clcrgymiin, 
the rest of the Church-works when they are woo 
up far Sunday. Caged larks, thrushes, or black- 
birds, hanging in ndghbouring courlS:, pour birA 
iheir fitraiiii paaaonately, as scenting the tree, tsj' 
ing to break our, and ace leaves again before the] 
die, but thcif flong is Willow, Willow — of a daij 
_^ard fast. So little Ughi lives inside the ch( 





ICOMMERCIAL TRAVfitLl 



^B cbBrchyRrda, when the two are eo-exiateot, 
Wk is often only by an accident and after long 
[Bounce that I discover their having stained 
H in some odd window. The westering aim 
Dti into the churchyard by some unwonted entry, 
lew priamidc teara drop oa an old tomb&cone, 
1 1 window that J thought was only dirty, u for 

moment all bcjewel3ed. Then the light pasuw 
i the colours Sc. Though even then, if there 
room enough for me to fall back so far as that I 
I gaze up to tJie top of the Church Tower, I 

the rusty vane Tiew burnished, and seeming to 
it out with a joyful flash over the sea of amokc 
he distant shore of country. 

Jlinking old men who are let out of WofthouKJ 
the hour, have a tendency to sit on bits of 
■B Kone in these churchyards, leaning with 
^Bsfids OD their sticks and asthmadcally gaap- 
I^^The more depressed class of beggars too, 
ig hither broken meats, and munch. I am on 
dJng terms with a meditative turncock who 
Crt in one of them, and whom I sus-pccc of a 
I for poetry; the rather, as he looks out of 
per when be gives the fire-plug a disparaging 
nch with that large tuning-fork of his which 
lid wear out the abonldcr of his coat, bat for a 
cautionary piece of inlaid leather. Fire-ladders, 
^ I am satiafird nobody knows anything about, 
jKe keys of which were lost in ancient times, 
Wtr aw-ay in the larger churchyards, under 
Eke wooden eyebrows ; find so removed arc 
comers from the haunts of men and boys, 
j|cc on a fifth of November I found a " Guy " 
to take care of himself there, white his pro- 
had gone to dinner. Of the expression of 
1 cannot report, because it was turned to 



38S THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEl 



the wall ; bat his fihruggcd ahoulders and but ten 
extended lingers, appeared to denote that he lui 
mor^llsedi in hi^ little straw chak oa ihe myitery 
of mortality until be gave it tip as a bad job. 

You do not corac upon these churchyards vio- 
lently ; there sie shades of transitioa in the neigb- 
baurhood. An antiquated news shop, or boi. 
fihop, apparently bereft of cusiojners in the 
days of George the Third, would warn me to 
out for one, if any discoveries in this respect 
left for mc to make. A very quiet court, in 
bination witii an unaccountable dyer's and scoi 
would prepare me for a churchyard. Aa exi 
ingly retiring public-house, with a bagawUe- 
ohadily visible in a savvdusty parlour shaped like 
omnibus, and with a shelf of punch-bowli in tic 
bar, wc}uld apprise me that I atood near consccritid 
ground. A " Dairy," exhibiting in its modest wia^ 
dovv one very litde milk-tan and three eggs, woiiU 
suggest to me the certainty of finding the pnoitTf 
hard by, peckiDg at my forefathers. I i\ra,i inferttd 
the vicinity of Saiat Ghasily Grim;, from a ctitan 
air of extra repose and gloom pervading a ntt 
stack of warehouses. 

From the hush of these places^ it ia congenial ti> 
pass inm the hushed resorts of business. Dovn 
the lanes I like to see the carts and waggons hu<k 
died together in repose, the cranes idle, and 
warehouses ^hui. Pausing in the alleys behijl 
closed Banks of mighty Lcmbaril- street, it gi< 
one as good 2s a rich feeling to think of the 
counters with a rim along the edge, made for 
ing money out on, the scales for weighing prei 
meuU, the ponderous lcdgers> and, above 
bright copper shovels for shovelling goLd. 
I driw money, it never seems so much □)' 



Jowti 



ROMM£RCIAL TRAVSLLEK zi 
iveUed at mc out of a bright copper 
I liLe to say, " In gold," and to sec seven 

musically pouring out qf tlic sbgvcl, 
niy ; the Bank appearing to remarlc to mc 
dae appearing — **if you want more of 
>w cartii, we keep it in barrows at yoLir 
To think of the banker's clerk with, his 
a" ninung the crisp edges of the Huadred- 
■Iote& he ha? taken in a fat roU out of a 
s again to bear the ruittlng ot that deli- 
ith-caah wind. " How will you have it.' " 
leard this usual questioii asked iX a Basic 
of VD elderly female, habited !□ Tnourniaig 
ped in simplicity, who answered, open-. 
ook'Engered, laugliing wich e:Lpeclation, 
iw ! " Calling these things to mind *s i 
long the Banks, I wonder whether the 
icary Sunday man I pass, has designs upon 
IS. For the interest and mystery of the 

almost hope he rrny have, and that his 
itc may be at diis moment taking inipres- 
the keys of the iron closets in wax, and 
lightful robbery may be in course of trana- 
Aboui College-hill, Mark-lane, and so on 
the Tower, and Dockwatrd, the deserted 
rchanis' cellars are fine subjects for con- 
B ; bnl the deserted money-cellars of the 
and their plate cellars., and their jcwel- 
rhat subierraneaD regions of tbe WoDiier- 
I are iheae! And again: possibly some 
)oy in rags, passed through this street yea- 
JT whom it is rcaerved to be a Banker in 
af time, and to be surpassing rich. Such 

ive been^ since the days of Whitdngton ; 

long before. I want to know whether 
any tbrcglittering of thai: glittering for- 



TRAVELLER 



■: anaii dMsc stoDM, k 
1 t^m wmc m kaow wbetlier die 
» km itmgai tf Mcw^l:c roadei, W 
liski^iH 1^ Alt he wM nMvioig 
■ Ac iar, wfa^ be siftsd ao mieli 
HOi wfeo ^od dc «««; prcat <kix « the 

AcH wnemaf Tbe lod 
c3s^ *W cmne* • Mack ponfoiiQ 
I br ■ dam of aai, whioz u hef Doci ! 
bed wsfc !■§ iAhb bb— to chorcli with 
M — m 4ocs kc kf k bf ? And if be 
bft w^tf hcAwcj ^ kiu pord^io wbcn he it 
1 6r a hoSdiy ? The wastepapcr 
PC nfcwLd nHBiiiig-i»ttscf woold let 
IF haot fd" l^s****^* lUMKn if 1 had th? e 
of Aen ; ad whn secrets of the 
AmiU I ifiscovo- on Ae ** psnh " of the y 
dltW— Ac sbtrts of Cxirndge-paper ind bloTt)^ 
piper imopOAed bcrweca Adr wndng And 
iak» I Fmis nc taken into confidence on the 
derot occarioo^ aod oftmnnQcs when I h»ve irn 
« twaneu vuh, and have sent in my ninne from 
fniter o£:oe, hire I hid it forced on my disc 
BOtice that the o'fBdadng young gentleman hit 
rod mrr again inscribe<i Amelia, in inlc of vi 
dKcs, on coraefs of his pad. Iiid«d, the ptd 
be regarded as the legidmate modem succe. 
the old foresi-trce : whereon these young kri 
(having no attainabk forest nearer than Eppl 
engrave thc^ names of their mistresses. After 
is a rm>re satisfactory process than carving, and 
be oftencr repeated. So these courts in ihor 
day rest are courts of Love Omnipotent (I ttv 
to bahink. myself), dry as they look. And h 



■e tmCOMMBRCIAL TKAVELLBR ^H^^l 

fpnw's, bolted and shuttered hard and tast ] It ^^1 
pofljiible to miiigine the man who cuts the sand- ^^H 
ihca, on hia bitcic in a hayt:eld ; it is possible to ^ 
tginc his desk, like the desk of a clerk a: churchi 
hout hini ; but iraaginacion is unable tq porflue 
men who wait at Gairaway's all the week for the 
n who never come. When they are Ibrcibly put 
of Gairaway's on Saturday night — which they 
It be, ior they never wojld go out of their own 
Ofd — where do they vanish until Monday mom- 
?■ On ihe first Sunday that I ever strayed here, 
cted to l:nd them hovering about these lanei, 
tdess ghosts, and trying to peep into Carra- 
tfarough chinks in the shutters, if not endeav- 
_ to turn the lock of the doer with talse Jteys, 
a, and saew-driver^. But the wonder ia, that 
f go clean away ! And now J think of it^ the 
Ikier is, that every working-day pervadcr of these 
la goes dean away. The nian who sells the 
coUan and the little toy coal-scuttles, fecli 
as great an obligatioii to go afar D*f, ita Glyn 
5., Of Smith, Payne, and Smith. There ia 
monaatery-crypt under Garraway's (I have 
Tn it among the port wine), and perhaps Gar- 
'ay'i, taking pity on the maddv men who wait 
public-rDom all their livea, gives them cool 
room down there aver Sundays ; hut the 
lib« of Paris would not be large enough to 
le rest of the missing. This characteriBtic 
on City greatly helps ita being the quaint 
11 in the wccldy pause of business, and 
Itiv helps rny Sunday aensalion in it of being the 
t Man. In my solitude, the ticket-part era being 
gone with the reat, 1 venture to breathe to the 
fcbricki arid stones my confidential wondef' 
Mrby a ticket-porter, who never dees acr work 




3 




. a boond to wear a wfaiu 
h -z: EcdnudcaJ Digmcsiy 

jrark wkh ku bantU di 
: ^ffTBr' u vttt a bbdc one. 



Ch^ccr XXII 



hS 



Sr«GE-<OACHlNG HOUSE 



f>EFOIt£ tW wiinen b«d shut the dooi 
D ifuOM kaw mutv stage-coaches m 
mmi » c^n(e hoea ia tbe town every da 
k «M «f liBk ■nBcnt ; any high nunibc 
4> m wdt « taoiiter. It kud been a grn 
a«« ni dkc greti Ktage-coachui 
«kc mAIbb ntwKft h*d killed and biu 
TW si|» «f ikb b«e was the Dolphin^ 
Wkgr 0^ kead. I 6oa\ fcnovr ; for ihe D 
■tfn « fan katt^ usd a;^de dowt 
Si^lkn k doajrs boimd to be when ut 
tkioa^ 1 Mppow Ik u somedmes ri 
ia luft oanml condidon — ^graced tj 
faaar^ The I'liii I Mil chalcd its niny hm 
aUe At b«»-«rwbw of my tnom, and< 

«ki^4w WOtfc. No WSMor could have dcB 
the Dolptkia was dying by inches, but he fl 
DO briglic colottn. He hid once served i 
master; tbcre wis a dcwct streak of paiaj 
lum. dispUving with iDconsistenc freihtK 
legend, By j. Meixows. 

Mv door opened again, aad J. Mellowg'^ 
sectativA CAiot back. I had asked her \ 
could have iat diiuier, a.ad the dow rei 
the coontcr qtietdoD, what would I like i 
Dolpbia stood possessed of Dothicg that I 



UNCOMMEIRCIAL TRAVELLER 393 

£uR to yield to the suggestion of a duck, 
I don't like. J. Mellows's represeniative 
I I mournful young woman, with one eye bus- 
tlble of guidaace^ snd one uncontrollable eye ; 
kh Utter, seeming to wander in quest of suge- 
diei, deepcued ike melaDchoEy in which the 
Iphirj was steeped, 

This yoong ivoman had but shut the door on 
ring again when I bechought me of adding to my 
cr, the worda, "with nice vegetables," Look" 
ouc at ckie door to give them emphadc utter- 
e, I found her already in a stale of pensive 
Jepiy in the deaened gallery, picking her teeth 
h a pin. 

the Railway Station seven miles off, 1 had 
subject of wonder when I ordered a fly ia 
to come here. And when I gave the 
5n "To the Dolphin's Head," I hasi ob- 
an ominoua atarc oti the countenance of the 
young man in velveteen, who was the plat' 
rvant of the Company. He had also called 
driver at pamng, " All ri-ight ! Don't hang 
t»elf when you get there, Gco-o-rgc ! " in « 
raitic tone, for which I had entertained some 
laitory thoughts of reporting him Ca the General 
nagcr. 

had no business in the town — I never have any 
Si in any Eowti — but I had been caught by 
:y chat I would come and look at ic in its 
:racy. My purpose was lidy inaugurated by 
alphin'a Head, which everywhere expressed 
^achfulneas and present coachlcssncBs, Col- 
prints of coaches, stardng, arriving, changing 
coBche& in the sunshine, coaches in the 
cojiches in the wind, coaches in the mist and 
KhcB on the King's birthday, coaches ia all 






394 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELt 



drcuirtstances compatible wick their triumph \ 
victory, but never in the act of brcakiPg dw 
overturning, pervaded the house. Of these 
of art, some, tramed and not glazed, had boll 
ihem ; the vamish of others hsd Ijecome W 
■nd cracked, that they looked lite overdoofll 
crust ; the designs of others were almost oblic 
by the flies of many flummcrB. Broken 
damaged fi-amw, lop-sided hanging, and cor 
mem of incurable cripples to places of refill 
dark comerB, attested the deaoladon of ibt' 
The old room on the ground floor wher< 
passengers of the HighHyer used to diM,\ 
nothing in it bat a viretched show of twig 
flower-pois in the broad window to hide thtnlj 
ncss of the land, and in a corner lillle MelU 
perainbulator, with even its parssol-head 
despondently to the wall. The other roomj 
pOEt-horae company used CO wait while relHVI 
getting ready down the yard, still held its gr 
but ivas as airless as J conceive a hciirse to be: 
much that Mr, Pitt^ hanging high against the\ 
tition (with spots on him like port wine, thougb 
is mysterious how port wine ever got itjuirted W 
there), hcd good rcMon for pcrldng hii noje m 
sniffing, The stopperlcsB cruets on the Jpin^t^ 
shanked sideboard were in a miserably dejcctti 
state : the anchovy sauce having turned blue kjib 
years ago, pnd the cayenne pepper (with a st-oopfl 
it like a smail model of a wooden !eg) having td 
solid. The old fraudulent candles which 
always being paid for and never used, were 
out at last ; but their tdll itllts of Cdiidle&ttcks aU 
lingered, and still outraged the human inTclEc 
pretending to be stirer. The mouldy old 
formed Borough Member^ with hia right hand 



■oopfl 
:b9 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 295 

Up in the breajt of his CaAt^ atid hia bacfe 
tristicallj' turned on bales of petitions &om 
ituenu, was there too ; and the poker whicl) 

lad been among the ftre-irons, leat post- 
poiDpany should ovcratir the ^e, was net 
ts of old. 

ping tnv researches in the Dolpliin'a Head, 
d it sorely shninken. When J, Mellows 
nto possession, he had walled off half the 

ich was now a tobacca-shop with its own 
tc in lh« yard^the once glorious yard where 

:t-boys, whip in hand and always buttoning 

aisicotts at the last moment^ used to come 

forth to moynt and away* A " Scientific 

g-Smith and Veterinary Surgeon," had 
encroached upon the yard ; and a grimly 
I Jobber, who annnuqced Mmsclf as having 
" A neat one-horse fiy, and a one-horse 
had established his business, tiimself, and his 

in a pait of the extensive stablea. Another 
a lapped clean off from the Dolphin's Head, 
>w comprised a chapel, a wheelwright's, and 
ing Men's Mutual Improvement and Dia- 

Society (in a loft) : (he whole forrning a back 

No audacious hand had plucked down the 

era the central cupola of the stables, but it 
own ruBcy and atucfc at N — Nil : while the 
[)r two of pigeons that remained true cq thdr 

il tradicions and the place, had collected in a 
the roof-ridge of the only outhouse retained 
Dniphin, where all the inside pigeons tried 

1 the oatsidc pigeon off. This I accepted as 

latical of the struggle for post and place in 
times, 

tfrlng forth into the town, by vray of the 

I and pillared entrance to the Dolphin's 



1^^^ 



296 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVI 

Yard, once redolent of soup and stable-litter 
redolent of musty disuse, I paced the ixret 
was a hot d^v, and the little sun-blinds of the 
urer« all drawn down, and the more enter] 
tradesmen had caused their ^Prentices to 
water on the pavement appertaining to ihdr 
age. Ie tooted as if tti«y had been sheddm 
for the stage-coaclies, and drying their Lnct 
pocket-handkerchiefs. Such weaknefs would 
been excusable ; for business wa3— as one di 
porkman who kept a shop which refiu 
reciprocate the complimcnc by keeping hii 
formed me — " bitter bad." Most of the hi 
makers and corn -dealers were gone the way 
coaches, buc It was a pleasant recognidon • 
eternal procession of Children down thi 
origisal steep Incline, the Valley of the Sli 
that those tradesmen were mostly succeed 
vcndon of sweetmeats and cheap toyi. 
opposidon house to the Dolphin, once fkn 
the New White Hart, had long coilapsed, 
of abject depression, it had cast whitewsih 
windows, and bowdcd up its front dooi 
reduced itself to a side entrance ; but even th 
proved a world too wide for die Literary loai 
which had been its last phase ; ibr the Idst 
had collapacd too, and of the ambitious letter 
inscription on the White Han's front, all hac 
off but these : 

L Y INS T 

— scggcsrivc of Lamectably Icsolveni. As 
neighbouring market-place, it aeemed 
wholly relinquished marketing, to the de 
crockery whose pots and pans straggled htHi 
it, and lo the Cheap Jack who sat with foJ< 



A 



E UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 297 

iliilis of lus cart, superciliously gazing around j 
vctccn waistcoat, evidecdy harbouriiig grave 
whether it was worth hia while td a:ay a 
n such a place. 

church bcllf began to ring as I left this 
ut they by no means improved the case^ for 
id, in a petulant way, and speaking with 
difficulty in their irritation, " WHATVbe- 
-THE-coach-ES ! " Nor would they (I 
on listening) ever vary their emphasis, save 
ect of growing more sharp and vexed, but 
sly went 00, '* W hat's -be-come-of-THE 
IS ! " — always beginning the inquiry with an 
c abruptness. Perhaps from their elevation 
iw the jailivay, and it aggravated thejn. 
ing upon a coachmaker'a workshop, I begin 

abou: mc with a revived spirit, thinking 

hance I might behold there some remaiaa 
old times of the town's grcatnesa. There 
\y one man at work — a dry man, grizzled, 
■ advanced in years, but tall and upright, 
ecoming aware of me looldng on, Btraight' 
]M beck, pushed up his apectacles against hii 
ptper cap, and appeared inclined to defy 
To whom J pitcilically nald : 
ood day, sir ! " 
Tut f " said he. 
Dod day, sir.^' 

•eemed to consider about that, and not to 
ith me. — " Was yoti a looking for any- 
" he then asked, in a pointed manner, 
was wondering whether there happened to 
fragment of an old stage-coacti here." 
» that all i " 

t** all." 

ihere ain'i." 




398 THE UNCOMMBRCIAI. TRAVELLI 



h was now my lum to lajf " Oh ! " Jinft 
it. Not another word did ihe dry and 
man say, but bent to his work again. In ikt i 
Eiiaking days, the coach -painlers had lricd| 
brushes on a post beside him ; and quite a Ca 
of departed glories was to be read upon it, ii 
and ycUow and red and green, rome inchol 
pTMCntly he looked up again, 

" You seem to have a dea! of rime on 
hands," was his querulous remark. 

J admitted the tact, 

**I think ii'fl a pity you was doc brought I 
iDmething," said he. 

I said I thought 80 too. 

Appearing to be informed with an idea, 
down hie plane (for it was a plane he was ac 
with), puslied up his sp?c:xcles again, and 
the door, 

" Would a po-shay do for you ? *' he at\ 

" 1 ani not sure that I undcrsMnd wf 
racao," 

•• Would a po-shay," said the coachmafcer, i 
hig close bej'ore me, and folding his armt 
manner of a cross-ex RminJag counsel — " wc 
po-shay meet the views you have expccsaed ? 
or no ? " 

"Yes." 

" Then you keep straight along down cheni 
see one. Tou'l! see one if you go fur enc 

With that, he turned me by the Bhouider 
direction I W5S to take, and went in and 
his work against a background of leaves and 
For, although ho wai a soured man and a 
tented, his workshop was that agreeable itiiit 
town and country, siree: and garden, wl 
often to be »ccn in a small English town. 



IVELl 

rent the Way he had turned mc, and 1 came 
Becr-shop with the sign of The First and 
and waa out of the tawp on the old London 
id. I came to the Turnpike, and I found it, in 

silent way, eloquent respecting the change that 
d &llen on the road. The Turnpike- house was 

ovcrgrowti with ivy j and the Turnpike- keeper, 
*hle to get a living out of the tolls, plied the 
idc of a cobbler. Not only that, but his wife 
Id ginger-beer, aiid» in the very window of espial 
rough which the Toll-takers of old times used 
th awe to behold the grand London coaches 
aang on at a gaJlop, exhibited for sale Utcle 
tber's-polM of aweetstnff in a sticky lantern. 
The political economy of the master of the tum- 
ic ihu3 expressed itself. 
•' How goes turnpike bjsineas, master?" said I 

him, as he sat in his little porch, repairing a 

t don't go at all, master/' said he to me. 

stopped." 

hat's bad," said I. 

id?" he repeated. And he pointed to one 
sunhuml dusty children who was climbing 
mmpike-gate, and said, extending his open 
[ht hand in remonstrance with Universa! Nature, 
Five on Vm ! " 

"But how to improve Turnpike business?" 
kll. 

."TTicrc'^s a way, master," said he, mth the air 
^ke who had thought deeply on the subject. 
HI should like to know it."' 
BlAy a toll on everything as comes through ; 
Wm toll on walkers. Lay another toll on cvcry- 
iDg as don''t come through ; lay a toll on them a 

at heme." 



I 



3oa THS UNCOMMERCIAL TRAV£LI.&^ 

" Would the Use remedy be iaii f " 

*• Fair ? Theni US Etnps at homet could 
through if they liked ; couldn't ciiey ? " 

" Say they could." 

*' Toll ''eui. if they don't come throagl; 
their look out. Arywaya, — ^ToU 'em! '* 

i'lnding it was a^ impossible to argue wUhl 
finanddl genius a£ il he had been Cbancettor of 
Exchequer, aod couaequently the right man ic 
right place, I passed on meekly. 

My jnind now began [o misgive mc that 
apppiivted coachmalter had sent mc OG a wild-J 
enand, and that there was no po&i-thaise in 
parts. But coming within view of certain 
men t- garde iTB by the roadiide, J tctTaclcdl 
Buspicion, and confcs.ied that I had done hun 
jcstice. For^ there I saw, luiely, the poai 
pe^anituated poaE-chaisc left on caith. 

]t wafi a pust-thdise taken off its axlctreaj 
whcels} 2cd plumped down on the clayc} 
among a ragged grou'th of vegetables. It 
post-chaise not even set straight upon diC gr 
but tilled over, as if it had fallen cut of a 
It was a posi-chajic that bad been a long 
those decayed circuniatancra, and against whici 
scarlet beans were trained. It wu » piHt> 
patched and mended with old teatrays, or 
scraps of iron that looked like them^ and 
up as to the windows, but having s ilnockeii 
off-iidc door. Whether k was a po3t-chtii«i 
aa tool-house, aummer-Louse, or dweUiag-hoi 
Could not discover, tor there was nobody «l 
at the post-chaise wh«n 1 koocked j but it wall 
tainly used for something, and locked up. 
wonder d1 this discovery, i walked roi 
round the post-chaise mary umes, and wt doi 



IIAERCIAL TRAVELLl 



t-chaisc, waiting for fiirijier etucidadon, 
ame. At last^ 1 made my way back to the 

doQ load by the further cud of the aDot- 
irdens, and consequently at a point beyond 
UQ wMch I had diverged. 1 bad to scram- 
>Qgh a hedgi= and dotvn a steep bank, and I 
ame down a-top of s little spare man who 
king atones by the roadside. 
tzytd his hammer, and said, regarding me 

usiy tbrougli his dark goggles of wire : 

! ygu Bwsrc, &ir, that you've been tre4pa*5- 

amed out of itic way," said 1, in explana- 
p look at dial odd poat-chaiae. Do you 
to know anything about it ? " 
;nDW it was many a year upon the road," 

I suppose. Do you know to whom it be- 

Stone-breaker bene bis brows and goggles 
I heap of stonca, as if he were eopsidering 
■ h<5 should answer the question, or uot. 
'aiung his barred eyes to my features as be- 
said : 
me. 

[ quite unprepared for the reply, I received 
a sufficiently awkward ^^ Indeed ! Dear 
Presently J added, " Do you — "' I was 
p wy " live there," but it seemed 30 absurd 
on, that I fiubsTimted " live near hear ? " 
Rtone-breiiker, who had no: broken a. Irag- 
ncc we began ta couverse, then did At fbl- 
Hc raised himself by poising his tigore on 
imcr, and took hia coac, on which he had 
ted, over hit smj. He then backed to an 
in of the bank than that by which i had 





anal then Uuit i noaced bt baA 

y a grass-grown milestone, which 



s 



tombstone 
road. 



erected over the grave of t 

My dinner-houT being close it hj^ 
eisure to pursue the goggles or the subjet 
made my way back to the Dolphin's 1 
the gateway I found J. Mellows, lookii 
ingj and apparently experiencing 
raise his spirits. 

" / don't care for the town,*' saic 
when I complimenreij him on the sanit 
tages it may or miy not possess ; 
qffver seen the town 1 " 

" Yon don't belong to it, Mr. Mell 

"Belong to it!*' repeated Mcllowi 
didn't belong to a better style of toj 
IM take and drown myself in a pail,"^ 
nirred to me that Mellows, having so 1 

ss habitually thrown back on his h 
'cc» — hy which X mnB the Dolplill 



saicl^ 

sanit 

1 



^- 



found the document in question stretched ojt 
yti the coff«c*rooni table by the aid of certain 
[hts trom the kitchen, and I gave n the addi- 
ll weight of my uncommercial signature. To 
est cT my belief, 1 bound myselt to the modest 
icnt that universal tragic, happiness^ pros- 
and csvilifiation, together with unbounded 
nal triumph in competition with the ioreigner. 
Id in^ibly flow from the Branch. 
iving achieved this constitutional feat, I askcd 
MeUows if he could grace my dinner with a 
of good wine i Mr. Mellows thus replied : 
i'l couldn't give you a pint of good wine, Td 
Icfc !- — I'd take and drown myself in 3 pail. 
1 wu deceived when I bought this busi:ic5B, 
the stock was higgledy-piggledy, and I haven't 
lasted my way quite through it with a view to 
ng it. Therefore, if you order one kind and 
lOthcr, change till it cornea right. For what,'* 
Mellows, unloading his hat as before, " what 
d yoo or any geritlenjan do, M you ordered 
kind of wine and was required ro drink an- 
■? Why, you'd (and naturally and properly, 
ig the feeling;} uf a gentJenian), you'd take 2nd 
yourself in a pail ! " 



Chapter XXUl 

THE BOILED BEEF OF KEW ENCLaKD 



PHE Ehabbincss of our Engliah capital, as com- 
I pared with Paris, Bordeauix, Frankfort, Milan, 
!va— almost any important town on the con- 
of Europe — I ^d very striking after ilq ab- 



3^4 



THE UNCOMMEHCIAl- THAVBLLBR 



sence of any durarion in foreign parts. Lcmdo 
shabby in contrast with Edinburgh, with Abcr 
with ExcEcr, with liverpowl, with a bright 
Towa like Bury St. Edmunds. LoDdon ii il 
in contrast with New York, with Bosron, 
If bilaiidphia. In detai], one would say it 
rarely Fail to be a disappointing piece ofshabWi 
to a stranger Irom any of those places. Thi 
, nothing shabbicf than Drory-kne, in Rome iti 
I'^Thc meanness of Rcgmt-atreet, set againit 
l^car line of Boulevards in Paris, is as strilh 
the abortive uglinesa of Tralslgar-squafe, set Kg! 
[the galknT beauty of the Palace de k toncc 
■London is shabby by daylight, and shabbier by ; 
|.£ght. No Englishman knows wh^i ga^Eight U,^ 
I'Hl he sees ihc Rue de Rivoh and the Faiim Ri 
fter dark. 

The mass of London people are shabby. 
ibsCHce of dlstbctive dregs has, no doubt, 
ig to do with it. The portera of ihe N'inr 
[Company, the dniymen, and the butchers, are all 
he only people who wear distinctive dressei; 
even these do not wear tbcm on holidays, 
"have nothing which for cheapness, cleanliness, 
venience, or pictureaqueneK, can compare wUhj 
belted blouse. As to our women ; — next 
or Whitsuntide, look at the bonnets ai the Br 
Museum or the National Gailery, and think of 
pretty white French cap, the Spanish rastiitilli 
ihe Genoese meztero. 

Probably there are not more sccond-haiid cic 
sold in London th^n in Paris, and yet the mai 
the London popaktion have a second-hand 
which is not to be detected on the mass of ttw 
risifin pupulation. I think this h mainly 
PariaJan workman does not in the least trouble I 



'•bout W'hst is woro hy i Psriska idler, but 
ewes tn the way of Ms own class, and JoT Ms 
tti comfort. In London, on the contrary, the 
hions descend j and you never fully know how 
WQVCTuent or ridiculoijs a fashion is, until you see 
in its last descent. It was but the otJicr day, on 
r»ce-course, that I observed four people in a. 
rouchc deriving great entfiKainment from the 
atcftiplatioii of four people on foot. The four 
yp\c on foot were two young men and two young 
■men ; the four people in rh,e barouche were twoi 
nog cncB acd two young women. The four 
tmg womcTi were dressed in exactly the 
ne Kyle ; the four young men were dressed iti 
ictly the same style. Yet the twu couples on 
tcels were as much amused by the rwo couples 

foot, n if they were quite unconscious of having 
itnselvC! 9cr those fashions, or of being at that 
ry mornenc engaged in the display of them. 
U it only b the matter of clothes that iashion 
•ccnda here in London— and consc()uentiy in 
igUnd — and thence shabbiness arises ? Let ua 
ink a little, and be just. The " Black Country " 
and about Birmingbam, is a very black country ; 
t h it quite as black as it has been lately painted? 
s appsiiiing accident happened at the People's 
ik new Birmingham, this laat July, when it wa* 
Twdcd with people from the Black Country — ail 
palling accident consequent on a shamefully 
jggcTouB exhibition. Did the shamefiilly danger- 
■ftxhibition {iriginate in the moral bkcknc^s of 
^pigck Country and in the Black People's pccul- 
^m-c of the excitement attendant on great per- 
dbI kiZAid, which they looked on at, but in which 
ey did not participate ? light is much wanted in 

■ Coancry. O wc are all agreed on thK. 



All Una must not be eclipsed in tnc 
die Bkck Coimtry. Ths reserved le 
by the rope, the cleared space below it 
one should be s.n:aihed but the perfbr 
tence of slipping snd falling off, the ba^ 
feel ai\d the sack for the head, the 
everywhere, and the virtuous indignatic 
— -all this must not be wholly swallawc 
blackness of the jet-black country. 

Whatsoever fashion u set in England, i 
to descend. Thia 'n a text far a perpctua 
on care ifi setting fashions. WhcE yo 
&shion law down, look back for the 
never be far off) when it was the 
This is the test for a perpetual 3i 

justice* From imitations of Ethiopian 

to imitations of Prince's coata and waisw 
will iind the original model in St. Jamea' 
When the Sercnaders become tirc&ome, tn 
beyond the Black Country j when the c 
wautcoats become insupportable, refer E^B 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 30; 



TAi 



jrolt 

deb 



^^3 of gentle men. and enhanced their comfortsj 
cause working men couM scarcely, for want 
pital, ongmace sue h combma don 3 wkhou [ 
id because help has not been separable from 
tmpcrUDcnce, Patronage. The insdncuvc 
of his iipirk against patronage, is a quality 
to be rc&pected in the English working man, 
is (he base of the base ot hia best qualities, 
pr is it surprising that he should be unduly sus- 
Bous of patronage, and somctinies resentful of it 
en where it is aoE, seeing what a flood of washy 
I kas been let loose on his devoted head, or with 
»t compSacent condescension the ^ame devoted 
■d has been smoothed and patted. It is a proof 
mc of his self-control that he never itrikes out 
^isdcatly, right and left, when addressed as one 
My Sdends," or "My assembled friends;*' 
ihe does not become inappeasahle, and run 
L^ a Malay, whenever he sees a biped ia 
:toth getting on it platform to tallc to him ; 
It any pretence of improving his tnind, does not 
saxitly drive him out of his mind, and cause him 
iDsi his obliging patron like a mad bull. 
For, how often have I heard the unfortunate 
irking man lectured, aa if he were a little chzrity- 
lid, humid as to his nssal development, strictly 

tas to his Catechism, and calkd by Providence 
k all his days in a station in life represented 
dvc occasions by a mug of warm millt-and- 
rtrr and a bun! What popgima of jokes have 
ac ears tingled to hear let off at him, what 
nine sentiments, what impotent conclusions, 
ut jpclling-book moralities, what adsptations of 
! ordttur's inaufFerable tcdiouatieas to the assumed 

-hammers. 



]ng 



aledge- 



ica znd pick-ajtes, his siiws and chifieU, his 



IK hedag « QxA or a 
csMc 10 adtBcnvtedge hu futronage h 
Mvine: "If: tne aktac. li yoa und< 
M» leow 6hb (Afff, or ai»d tssdun, 
Tfid man tot weS, 1 ^me taj, 
it, ud I vrm^t mfae boc ^xin to 
of h." 

Wluwirer is ooce ftw me conuon ' 
mcBt of the working man masE be 
hamtdf *s thit h is msiiitiiiiicd by 
iitnc Blast bt in it no touch of cod{ 
tludow of pstrouagc. Id the greit 
Diets, this tTiilh ia studied tod undcrsl 
tke Amakan dvil war rendered it ill 
in Ghsg!ovr. and attemarda in MiBcti 
the working people shoiild be shonri hw 
themselves of the idvaotagej derivable En 
and froni the combinatioii cf Tiiitnbers, it 
and the cooking of their food, this 
■II things boTite in mind. The 



attracted by the following hand-bill 

(-coloured paper: 
ELF-SUPPORTING 
COOKING DEPOt 

THE WORKING CLASSES, 

ninercial-Mreet, Whitechapel, 

tromniDdadun is provided for Dining 
brtably 300 Persons at a. timcv 

pen from 7 a, m. till 7 p. m. 

k PRICES, 
clca of the B£st Qvaiaty. 

or Cotifce One Peflny 

iLlter One Penny 

'heese One Penny 

d . . One half-pecny or . One Penny 

One Penny 

. . . . . . One Penny 

ove Articles always ready, 
ibove may be had, from 1 2 to 3 o'clock. 



One Penny 
One Penny 
One Penny 
Twopence 
Twopence 
Twopence 
One Penny 



tcb Broih 

P ■ ■ 
I toes 

iced Beef 

1 Beef . 

i Ham , 

n Pudding or Rice 

Economy of Cooking depends greatly 

E" y of the itraiigenienra wirh which 
>f persons can be sen-ed at one 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELL 

ijm^^ the Upper Room of thic Esubluhm^ 
be espcddll)' set apart for z 

Pufluc DINNER EVERY Day 

From 12 till 3 o'clock. 

Citiiiiti/ig ef the fetkwin^ Dishes: 

Bowl of Broth, or Soup, 
Plaifi of Cold Beef or Ham. 
Pla:e uf Po:aiocs, 
Plum Pudding, w Rice, 

FIXED CHARGE ^%d, 

THE DAILY PAPERS PROVIDED. 

N.B.-^This Establishment is conducted 
acrictest business principifis, with the full in 
of making it self-supporting, so Uia: every o 
frequent it with a feeling of perfect iDdcpend 

The assistance of all irequentiiig the P 
coniidcntly expected in checking anything i] 
ing with the comfort, quiet, and regularity 
establishment. 

Please do not destroy this Hand BUI, but 
to some other person whom it may inierett. 

This Sclf-Supporting Cooking Depot (not 
good name, and one would rather give it 
^ah one) had hired a neivly-bullt warehayjB 
found to let ; therefore il was not catabli 
premises specially designed for the purpose. 
at a Small cast they were exceedingly well 1 
to the purpose : being light, well venrilaled 
and cheerful. They consisted of three large 
TJiat OD die basement story Was the kitche; 
on the ground floor was the geaeral diningi 
that on the iloor above was the Upper R 



id-bill, where the Public Dinner 
L'c-halfpetiny a head was provided every 
I cooldiig was done, with much economy- 
id fuel, by American cooking -stoves, and 
women not previously brought up as 
i walls and pi!!ars of the two diniag- 
e agreeably brightened with omaniental 
(c tables were capable of accommodaling 
It persons each ; the attendants were alt 
nCD, becomingly and neatly dressed, and 
ke* I think the whole sCflff was female^ 
EceptioD of rhfi steward or manager. 

inquiries were directed to the wages of 
because, if any esiablishmcni: clsitimig to 
porting, live upon the spoljadon of any- 
tything, or eke out a feeble exisrence by 
\s and beggarly resources (as coo many ao- 
chanics' Institutitjna do), I make bold to 
Y Uncommercial opinion that it has no 
h live, and had better die. Ic was made 
le by the accoont books, that every per- 
yed was properly paid. My next In- 
■e directed to the quaHiy a( the provi- 
baaed, and to the Eerma on which they 
;ht. It Was made equally clear to me 
ality was the very beat, and that all bills 
weekly. My next inquiries were directed 
ince-sheet for the last two weeks — only 
Ind fbcrth of the establishment's career, 
de equally clear to me, that after cvery- 
[ht was paid for, and after each week 
:d with its fidl share of wages, rent and 
■edaticin of plant iti use, and interest on 
the rate of four per cent, per annum, the 
had yielded a profit of (in round nijtn- 

:en i and the previous week a 



JIJ THE UNCOMMERCIAL TitAVELLER 

pro£t dF six pousda ten. By chis ume I felt tint I 
had a healthy appetite for che dinners. 

It had j\in struck CvveWe, ^d a {\wc\ mcc^sijob 
effaces had already begun to appear at a little win- 
dow in the wall of the pardtioned space vihcrct 
sat lookiag over the books. Wichin this little win- 
dow, like a pay-box at a theatre, a neat and brut 
young woman presided ta take money and UMie 
ticketE. Every one comLng in must take a lickcL 
Either the fourpcnce-ljallpenny ticket for the cppti 
room (the most popular tickcE, I think), or a pcncf 
ticket for a bowl of soup, or as many penny Qckeu 
u he or she choac to buy. For three penny tickfti 
Que had quite a wide ran^c of choice. A pEaCc Dt' 
cdIc! boiled beef and potatoes; or a plate of cold 
ham and potatoes i or a plate of hot minced b«f 
and pocatoea; or a bowl ofsotip, bread and cb^fl 
ynd a plate of plum- pudding. TDuchiag what^| 
ahould have, some customcri de taking their s^W 
fell into a reverie — became mildly distractcd^ — -c 
poncd decision, and ioid in bewilderment, 
would think of it. One old man J roUccd wl 
sat among the ublcs in the lower room, who] 
Btarded by the bill of fare^ and sat contcmplgin 
gi if it wwc aomelhing of a ghostly nature, 
decision of the boys was &3 rapid as thnr cxe( 
and alwa.y3 included pudding. 

There were several women among the 
and several clerks and shoprneu. There wctc] 
pcntcrs and painters from the neighbouring 
ings under repair, and there were naudcal men.! 
there were, as one dincT observed to me, " srnrc i 
most aorw." Some were solitary, some came 
together, some dine J in parties of three or fou 
8Ut, The ktiei- talked together, but assuredlj 
on« WM^ louder than at my club in Fall-Mall. 



Oi 



Wusi 



ERCIAL TRAVELLER f 



istled in rather a shrill mapncr 
for his dinner, but I was gratified 
did 80 in evident defiance of my 
idividuality. Quite agreeing with 
,rion, that I had no business to be 
dined like the rest, I " went in," ai 
ar fourpeuce-halfpentiy. 
if the faurpcnce-halipeony banquet 
wer room, a counter in it, on which 
great number of cold portions ready 
. Behind this cOLncer, the fragrant 
ming tn deep cans, and the best- 
Ltocs were fished out of s^imilar re- 
ithing to eat was touched with tbc 
waitress had her own tables to at- 
n as she saw a. new customer scat 
her tables, she took from the 
'dinner — his soup, potatoes, meat, 
-piled it up dejctcroualy in her two 
fore him, and took his ticket. This 
whole dinner at once, had been 
} simplify the business of attendance, 
popular witt the custornen : who 
sled to vary the meal by varying the 
ha : beginning with soup to-day. 
Hie middle to-morrow, putting soup 
"■day after to-morrow, and riagjng 
on meat and pudding, The rapidity 
;ry new comer got served, was ro- 
l the dexterity with which the 
te new to the art a month before) 
T duty, was as agreeable to aee, as 
es3 with which they wore their dreaa 
1 their hair, 

saw better wailing, so 1 certainly 
r weal, potatoes, or pudding. And 



314 THEi UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



the soup was an honest and stout soup, with lice ; 
and barley in II, and " little matter? for the imA 

,tD toucli," as had been obacrved to mc by rajr 
^end below stairs already quoted. The diimcr- 
servicc, too, wag peither coQfipiciiOilsIy hideoiu Mf 
tligh Art noT for Low Art, but was of a pleftiuti 
jmd pure appearance. CoEceraing the viands indl 
thdr cookery, one last retEark. I dined at my dii ; 
jn Fall-Mall aforesaid, a few days aficTwardj, for 
exactly twelve limes the money, and xiot half u 
well. , 

The company thickened after one o'clock stnick, ] 
and changed pretty quickly. Although expericnct, 
of the place had been so recently attainable, ai 
although there was still considerable curiosity oui'u 
the street and about the entrance, the general ionC| 
was as good as could be, and the custoniera itfl 
easily iaio the ways of the place. It was clcai m 
me, however, chat they were there to have rtW 
they paid for, and to be on an independent footiiij. : 
'To the bc&t of my judgment, they might be patron^ 
Ised out of the building in a month. Whh p£r 
dona visiting, and by dint of being questioned, rcii 

' to, and calked at, they might even be got rid of 
(for the next quarter of a century) in half th« 

This diainrercsted and wise movement is frau|ltf 
with BO many wholcsotne changes In the livci of 
the working people, and with so much good in Ac 
way of overcoming that suspicion which our owb 

ilinconBcious impertinence has engendered, thai It ti 
icarccly gracious to critidse dctaiU as yet ; the rtthts, 

I because it is indisputable that the managers of thC 

jWhitechapel cstablishmenc most thoroughly fed 
thai they are upon their honour with the customer 

MB 10 rhc minutest poinlj of administration;. Ba 



■mAVELLER 3T5 



fh ihc American stoves cannot roast, they can 
K^oil one kind ol mear as iveU aa another, and 
Dot always circumscribe their boiling talents 
the limits of ham and beef. Tiie most en- 
tic admirer of those substantiaU, would prob- 
it abject to occasional inconstancy in respect 
and mutton : or, especialiy in cold weather, 
tile innocent trifling with Iri&h stews, meat 
id toads in holes. Anotiier drawback on 
hjtcchapel establishment, is the absence of 
Regarded merely as a question of policy, it 
impolitic, as having a tendency to send the 
g men CO the public-house, where gin is re- 
lo be sold. But* (here is a mLich higher 
on which this absence ot beer is objection- 
It expresses distrust of the working man. It 
igracnC of that old mantle of patronage in 
M many cBCiirable Thugs, so darkly wander- 
and down the moral world, arc sworn to 
him. Good beer is a good thing for him, 
B, apd he likes it ; the Depot could give it 
)d, and he now gets it bad. Why does the 
not give it him good } Because he would 
mk. Whv does the Depot not let hiin have 
with hifi dinner, which would not make him 
Because he might have had another pint, 
:r two pints, before he came. Now, this 
is an atfront, is exceedingly inconsistent 
He confidence the managera express in their 
11), and ia a timid stopping-short upon the 
highway. It is unjust and unreasonable, 
'ih u unjuit, because it punishes the sober 
)r the vice of tbc drunken man. It is un- 
iblc, because any one at all experienced in 
Hings knowi that the drunken workman docs 
d!rank where he goes to est and drink, bat 



3l6 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEL 

where be goea to drink — cJcpreasly to drink. 
pose that the vvorldng man cannot state thjj 
to himself quite as plainly as I stare it h 
suppose that he is s baby, and Is agaJD to 
in the old wearisome condeaccnding piit 
way that he must he goody-poody, and dd 
[oldy-poldvj and not be a manny-paimy or 
poter, bat fold his handy -pandys, and be i 
pildy. 

1 foiujd &om the accounts of the WUi 
Sdl-Supporting Cooking Depdc, that eve 
sold in it, even at the prices 1 have quoted, 
certain small profit ! Individual speculate 
course already in the field, and arc of course 
appropriating the name. The classca far 
benefit the real depots art designed, wdll di 
between the two kinda of enterprise. 



Chapter XXIV 



CHATHAM DOCKYAKD 



I 



THERE are some smstll out-of-thr-way 
places on the Thames and the Medw«y 
I do much of my summer idhng. Running 
favourable to day-dreami, and a strong udil 
the best of ruiining water for mine. I 
watch the great ships standing out to sea or 
home richly laden, the acdve little steatn-t\ 
fidemly pulling with them to and (torn : 
horizon, the fleet of barges that seem 
plucked their brown and russet sails tfom 
trco in the landscape, the heavy old eotlic 
in bailastt floundering down before the 1 
Eght icretv barks and schooners impcriouiEy 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 317 

: course while the others patiently lack and 
I, the yachts with thicir tiny hulls and great 
lects of canvas, the Lule sailing -boat 3 bob- 
and fto on their errands of pleasure Of 
and — -is it is the nature of little people to 
Idog a prodigiDus fuas about their sinall 
Watching these objects, I still am under 
don to tMnk about them, or even so much 
i them, unless it perfectly suits my humour. 
am I obliged to hear the plash and Bop of 
ihe ripple at my fcec, the clinking wisdJass 
or the humming steam-ship paddles further 
I. These, with the crealurg litde jetty on 
I sit, and the gaunt high'Watcr marks and 
tcr mflrka in the mud, and the broken 
y, and the broken bank, and the broken 
md pjlea leaning forward as if they were 
their personal appearance and looking for 
flection in the water, will melt into any train 
jr. Equally adaptable to any purpose or to 
c the pasturing sheep and kine upon the 
, the gulls thar wheel and dip around me, 
Vfs (well out of gunshoi) going home from 
harvesl-ficMs, the heton tbat has been out 
md looks as melancholy, cp there in the 
if it hadn't agreed with him. Everything 
the range of the senses will, by the aid of 
ling water, lend itself to everything beyond 
ge, and work into a drowsy whole, not 
kind of nine, but for which there is no 
riimtion. 

if these landing-pUces is near an old fort (I 
The Norc Ughi from it with my pockct- 
im which fort mysteriously emerges a boy, 
I am much indebted for additions to my 
lock of knowledge. He is a young boy. 



■ 



3lS THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELI 



with an intelligent face burnt to a dust cok 
the Bummcr sun, and with crisp hair of the ina 
hue. He is a boy id whom 1 hiavc perceive 
niithing incompatible with habits of studiout in^oif 
snd meditatioLj, uoless sn evanescent blact: cte { 
was delicate of inquiring how Occasioned) jhoukib 
90 considered. To him am I indebted for jtniil 
to identify a Custom-house boat at any duanH 
and for flcqiiaintatlce ^\'ith all the forms and cut 
monies observed by a homeward-bound Jndiunl 
coming up the river, when the Custom-huuJ 
ofiicers go aboard her. But for him, I mightrefl 
have heard of *' the dumh-aguej" respecting rtBfi 
malady I am now learned. Had I never jat 
feet, 1 might have hniahcd my mortaj ct 
tievcr knowri that when 1 sec a white hor» 
barge's sail, that barge is a lime barge. Fj 
precious secrets in reference to beer, am I IJkc«| 
beholden to him, invoWing wariuDg against ll 
beer of a certain establishment, by reason 
having cmncd sour through failure in point 
mand : though my youiig sage is not of opinio 
similar deterioration has befallen the ale. 
also enlightened me touching the mushrooms 
marshes, and has gently reproved my ignM 
having supposed them to be impregnated wtlh| 
His manner of imparting infolTtialion, is thoi 
and appropriate to the scene. As he recUneij 
me, he pitches into the river, a little Biooe 
of grit, and then delivers MmBcU* orscul 
though he spoke out of the cemre of the aj 
circie that it makes in the water. He iwvii 
proves ray mind without observing this fbrmil 
With the wise boy^whom I know by dc 
name than the Spirit of the Fort — I recendj 
sorted on a breezy day ^vhcn the river teat 




was fall of life. I had seen the shelved 

^ing in tlie golden iiclds as [ came down 

nvcr ; and tlic rosy fkrmer, watching hia 

ig-iTicn ia :lic saddle on his cob, had told 

how he had reaped his two hundred and sixty 
:b of long'&trawed corn bat week, and how a 
M wtfelt's work he hid never done in all his 
«. Peace and abundance were on the coiuiuy- 
■ in beaatiful fornu and beauUiiil colours, and 

hirvejt seemed even to be sailing one :o grace 

never-reaped sea in the ycllovv-kdcn bargej 
: mellowed the distance. 

t was on :his occasion that the Spirit of tbe 
I, directing his remarks to a certain floaiing iron 
ery lately lying in that reach of the river, 
jchcd my mind with his opinions on naval archi- 
ure, and informed me that he would like to be 
engineer. I found him up to everything that is 
e in the contracdng line by Messrs. Feto and 
sscy — cunning in the article of concrete — mcl- 
' in the matter of iron — great on the subject of 
nery. When he spoke of pile-driving and 
ire-Dialdng, be left me not a leg co stand on, 

I can never suiEciently acknowledge bis fbr- 
nrace with me in my disabled state. Whi3e ha 
I discoursed, he several limei directed his eyes 
9QC distant quarter cf the landscape, and spoke 
h vague mysterious awe of " the Yard." Pon- 
Dg his ksaons after we had parted, I bethought 

thju ihc Yard was one of our large public 
'Jtyards^ and that it ky hidden among the crop* 
Bin the dip behind the ^vindmills, as if it 
BUy kept itself out of view In peacetiil times, 

■ought to trouble no man. Taken with this 
the part of the Yard, 1 resolved to 
fard'i acquaintance. 




320 TH£ UNCOHMBRCIAL TRA 

Mt good opuuDo of the Yard's ntiiiDg 
ttr wu not dished by nemr ■pproocli. 
cMmded with Lhe noise of hammers bea&a^ upa> 
inn ; and the ffcai. she^ or s£ps tiiider wUdi t^ 
BHgliry mea-of-wtfr are built, loomed businnfSk 
■rlien coDtempkted fiom the opposite il 
riva. For all that^ however, the Yard : 
dttpby, hot kept itself anug imder hill-u>ici of. 
corn-fields, bop-gardens, and orchards; iu gn* 
dumDcyi smoking with a quiet — aJmost a Iz^ 
UTf lite gidnts smoking tobacco; »Dii '^'* ""^ 
Shears moored off it, looking meekly sn ■ 
tavdy oat of propomon, Ukc the Giisiic ■. ^• 
machinery- crcadon. The store of cuuioq '°Q^ 
neighboutiiig gun-w-harf^ had ao iniioccm itpj'-fl« 
appearand, and the ooe red'Coated sentry an 
over tbem wu a mere loy figure, widi i 
work movement. As the hot SUnUght ?pit 
him he mighr hare passed for the idenncii 
man who had the little gun, and whose 
thejr were made of lead, lead, lead. 

Crossing the river and landing at »he & 
where a drift of chips iad weed had been 
to land before me and had not succeeded, bi 
got into a comer instead, I found the very 
posts to be cannon, and the architectural 
10 be abells. And so I czmc to the Yaidj 
waj (huE up dght and Btrong with gicai 
gates, like an enormous patent safe. Theu: 
devouring me, I became digested into the 
and it had* at first, a clean-swept hoEday sUTj •• 
it had ^vcn over work until neit war-time. TTitrtV 
indeed a tjuantity of hemp Jbr rope wai tLiEbli^ 
out of jtore-hoascs, evcji there, which woold htf°5 
be lying like so much hay on the white 
the Yard were as placid as it pretended. 



hits alop*y 

'2 



Dong, Bang, Boom, Rattle, Clwh, 
ok. Banc, Dong, EA^o, Clatter, bang 
\G ! Whar on aarLh i& this! This is, 
ilJ bcj the Achilles, iron armoor-plated 
■dvt hundred men are working at her 
Ive hundred men working on stagM over 
Dvcr her bows, over her stern, under her 
ten her dccfci, down in her hold, widiin 
iihout, crawling and creeping inio the 
^ of her lineti wherever it its passible for 
list. Twelve hundred hammerers, mcas- 
Dteri, armouterB, forgers, amicha, ship- 
welve hundred, dingers, ckshers, dongers, 
okerif bangers bangers bangers! Yet all 
dous uproar around the rising Achillea ia 
I iQ the reverberations with which the 
Achillea shall resoand upon the dreadJuI 
the full work is in hand for which this 

of preparation— the day when the scup- 
U'c now fining like great dry thirsty con- 

shall run red. All these husy tigurci 
ccks, dim]y seen bending at their work 
nd fire, are ai nothing to the hgcres thai 
wk here of another kind in smoke and 
ly. These steam-worked enj^nes aJong- 
Ig the ship by travelling to and fro, and 
OS of iron plates about, as though they 
any leaves of trees, would be rent limb 
df they stood by her for a minute then. 
that thii Achilles, monstrous compound 
it and oaken chest, can ever swim or 
'think that any force of wind and wave 

brcai( her ! To think that wherever J 
ling red-hot iron point thrust out ot her 
irithin — as I do now, there, and there. 

Id twp watching men on a atage 



mtcrmnir afae U cvg* finiihuig i 
tiing, and hiilf Dt her coight be ami 
the rcmsiimig hilf auSice and be soui 
go over cbe side again and dowc 
and wet to the bottom of the dock** 
of the i^ubterrancan forest of dog-shon 
that hold her up, and to sec the imi 
bulging out against the upper light, K 
down towsnb roe, i», with grcir 
ciambciiagf to arrive at axi impo&sibil 
time tJiis is a ship at all, and tO' bcc 
by the !&Qcy that it is an enormc 
cdihce set up in an andcnt amphit 
at Verona), and almost filling it ! 
even these things be, without the 
thops and the iDechanica] f>owers 
iron plat'cs— fotir inches snd a half thil| 
shaping them ander hydraulic pressi 
tapering turn^ of the ship's lines, and j 
iiY' v.'i^ tnivcs shaped like the 
L _liirda_ .ID. . the 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 3J3 

and lifting its ponderous head, replies, 
I particularly^ want to da it ; but if ii muat 

fi ^!" The salid metal wriggks out, 

01 the monstcr'^s crunching tooth, and it is 
"Dutiful moQster, obiervc tliis other mass 

It ii required to be pared away, accord- 
ihis delicately Icasening and arbitrary line, 
tleasc to look at." Monster (who has been 
trie) brings down its blunt headj and, much 
manner of Doctor Johnson, closely looks 
le line- — ^very closely, being aomewhat ncar- 

" 1 don't pardoilarly want to do it ;. but 

I8t be done ! " MonsK^ takes another 

^ted look, takes aim, and the tortured piece 
off, and falls, a hot tighr-twistcd snake, 
the ashes. The ma.kiiig of the rivets is 
E pretty round game, played by a man and 
Vvho put red'hot birley sugar in a Pope Joan 
•nd immediately rivets fall out of window ; 
f tone of the great macliines is the tone 
great Yard and the great country : " Wc 
MTiJcuIarly want to do it ; but if ic must be 
[»• 

r such a prodigioua mass as the Achilles can 
; held by such comparatively little anchors 
iC intended for her and lying near her here, 
ystcry of geamanship ivhich I will refer to 
e boy. For my own part, 1 should as soon 
IDUght of tethering an elephant to a. :ent-pcg, 

larger hippopotamus In the iloological Gar- 
► my shirt-pin. Yonder in the river, along* 
mlk, lie two of this ship's hollow iron masts. 
ire large enough for the eye. I find, nnd jo 

her other appliances. I wgodcr why only 

Eora look small. 
: no present time to think about It, for 1 



icTs bmtcrflies ? 

Drawing nearer^ I discern that 
mangles, but inmcate macliines, scti 
end saws end planes, which cut smoot 
here, and slaiitwise there, and cowl 
depth, and now miss cutting ahogct 
to the predestined requirements of 
wood that are pushed on below thi 
wfaich pieces is to be an oar, and is rouj 
to that purpose before it takes its 6nal Ic 
off forests, and sails for Eiig1and» like 
cem that the butterflies are not true butt 
■wooden shavings, which, being spirtci 
the wood by the violence of the muA 
kept in rapid and not equal movement by I 
of lis rotation on the aif, fluner and pla 
and fall, and conduct themselves aa like 
as heart could wish. Suddenlv the noii 
[ion cease, and the butterflies drop deac 
been made since I came in, wantq 
As auiddv as 1 oul. 



m UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 315 

nd ihey have la be made by hand. Side by 
ith the subtle and facile machine, and side by 
ith the fsst-growing pile of oars on ihe floor, 
(hapes out tliese Hpeclal oara with an axe. 
cd by no butterflies, and chipping and ditit" 
coitLparison as leisurely ss if he were a la- 
Pagan gelling theUi ready against his dc- 
Bt ihrefscore and ten, to take with him as a 
lo Charon for his boat, the man (aged 
thirty) plies hia taak. The machine wodd 
regulation oar while the rnan wipes his 
d. The man might be buried in a mound 
oi" the strips of thin broad wooden ribbon 
■om the wood whirled into ours as the min- 
II from the clock, before he had done a. fore- 
work with his a:ce. 

iiig from this wonderful sight to the Ships 
-for tny heart, as ta the Vard, is where the 
"c — 1 nodce certain mihnished wooden walla 
isoning on the aiockj, pending the soJution 
merits of the wood and iron quesdon, aad 
an air of biding their time with surly cdq- 
The names of these worthies arc set up 
them, together with their capacity in guns — 
Jm highly conducive to ease and satisfaction 
I imercourae, if it could be adapted to man- 
By s plank more graccfiilly pendulous than 
dal, r malce bold to go aboard 3 transport 
ron acrew^ Just sent in from the contractor') 
be inspected and passed. She is a very 
ng eaperience, in the simplicity and hucnaa- 
ker arrangements for troops, in her provision 
tit and air and cleanliness, snd in her care 
en and children. It occurs to me, as I 
her, chat I would require a handiome sum 
ey to go aboard her, at midnight by the 



336 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEI 



Doclg'ard bdl, and etay aboard alone dll mot 
for sarely she must be haunced by a ctow< 
ghosts of obstinate old martineLs, roournlulJy 
ping tbeif cherubic epaulettes over the cha 
dmca. Though still wc may learn fi-om thC| 
louDdirig ways and means in our Vards dow, 
highly than ever to respect the forefathers wlwJ 
to sea, and fought the sea, and held the sea, 
out them. This remembrance putting me inj 
beat of rempeirs with an old hulk, very green 
ivcT copper, and generally dim and patched, I 
off my hat lo her. Which salutation a callow 
downy -iaced young ofEcer of" Engineer}, goit 
at the moraeat, perceiving, appro prt3te&^Bn< 
which he is most heartily welcome, 1 am sure. 

Having been torn to pieces (in imaginsdon) 
the ateain clrculsr sawE, f>erpendicular saws, 
xontal saws, and saws of ccctncric action, 1 
to the sauntering part of my expediiion, and 
sequently to the care of my Uncocimercial punt 

Everywhere, as J saunter up and down 
Yard, I nncet with tokens of its quiet and redd 
character. There h s gravity upon its red 
ofBces and houses, a staid pretence of having 
ing worth mentioning to do, an avoidance of 
play, which 1 never saw out of England, 
white stones of the pavement prcKlit no other 
of Achilles and his twelve hundred banging 
(not one of whom strikes an altitude) than i 
Dccasionel echoes. But for a whisper in ih< 
suggestive of sawdust ati:d sJiavings, die oar-ma 
and the aaws of many movements might be 
a:way. Down below here, is the great re*c 
of water where limber is steeped in variou» 
pcratUKS, as a pari of its reasoning proccM. 
it, on a iraniroad supy^TXciXyj ^':^%,'%%CUiij 



KE Ul 



UNCOMMERCIAl. TRAVELLER 327 

ter'i Car, which fishes the logs Dp, when 
cntly steeped, and rolls smoothly away with 
to stack them. When I wan a child (the 
being then familiar to me) I used to think 
[ Ehauld like Co play at Chinese Enchanter, 
have that apparatus placed at my disposal for 
iirpose by a beneficent country. I sdll think 
should rather like to try the effect of tvridng 
: in it. Its retirement is complete, and lo go 
; to and fro among the stacks of rimber would 
Cotivenient kind oi travelling in ibreign coun- 
among the forests of North America, the 
Icn Honduras Bivamps, the dark pine woods, 
Norwegian frDs:s, and the tropical heats, rainy 
J, pud thunder- storms. The costly Store of 
is stacked and stowed away in sequeslered 
\f tvith the pervading avoidance of flourish <3T 
Jt makes as little of itself as passible, and 
to no one ^* Come and look at me ! " And 
la picked from the trees of the world ; picked 
ff length, picked out for breadth, picked oat 
yaightnesS, picked out for crook ednessj chosen 
Bn eye to every need of ship and boat, 
cly twisted pieces lie about, precious in the 
of shipwrigtits. Sauntering through these 
t I come opon an open glade where work- 
re examining some timber recently delivered. 
B pastoral scene, with 3 back-ground of river 
nindmill ! and no mqrc like War thaa the 
lean States are at present like an Union, 
tering among the ropcmaking, I am spun 
state of blissful indolence, wherein mV rope 
i seems to be so untwisted by the process as 
can see back to very early days indeed, when 
Bd dreamj — tJiey were frigh^fult xVtoii-^ rn^ 
iD^iure ufldciTitanditig has never "Kva-it waX 



328 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



■Tvhy — were of an intctniiiiable sort of ropcmik 
Lflvitb long minute filaments for strands, wiucli, 
r^cy were spun home together close to my tj 
[lijccBainricd screaining. Next, I walk aroorgi' 
^quiet lofta of stores — of saita, spars, rigging, 

iaC3 — determined lo believe that BomcMyj 
[authoHcjf wears a. girdie and bends benMilir 

ireighE of 8 itiasdive bunch of keys, and that, 

[.sach a thiDg is wanted, be comes telling hit i 

like Blue Beard, and opens such a door. Ii 

[.eive 33 the long lofis look, let the elcciric hi 

Intend down the word, and the shutters and 

^hall fly open, and such a fleet of arrncii l| 

under steam and under sail, shall burst forth «i 

charge the old Medway — where the merry 

. ILct the Dutch come, while his noi so merry 

«arved in the streets — with aomething worth 

Sng at [o carry to the sea. Thus I idle roi 

rthc Medway again, where it is now fJood tide ; 

■1 i\nd the river evincing a strong soUdlude 10 

A way mto the dry dock where AchillcB is waiii 

fln by the twelve hundred bangers, with ixi^cnifll 

bear the whole away before they sre ready. i 

To the last, the Yard puts a quiet face uponitl 

&r I make my way to the gates through a H(^ 

quiet grove of trees, shading the quainteit of Dufrt 

landing- places, where the leaf speckled shedow of' 

fhipwright just passing away at the lunher cut 

' might be the shadow of Russian Peter himicli 

So, the doors of the great patent safe si Usl do* 

upon ttie, and I take hoax again : somehow, tliint 

ing as the oars dip, of braggart Pistol and b! 

brood, and of the quiet monsters of the Yard, wil3 

thar "We don't particularly want to doit;,)l 

if it roust be done ! " Scrunch. 





MERCIAI^ TRAVELI-ER 329 

Chapter XXV 

IN THE PRENCH-FLEMWH COUNTRY 

ia neither a boW nor a diyersfied counoy," 
said I 10 myself, " this country which is 
cc-quartcrs Flemish, and a quarter French ; yet 
has its attractions too. Though great lines of 
way itaverse it, the traina leave it behind, and 
puffing olf to Paris and tlie South, to Belgium 
I Germany, to the Northern Sea-Coaat of 
Bce, and to England, and merely smoke it m 
ft in passing. Then I don't know it, and that 
I good reason for being here ; and I can't pro- 
incc half the long queer names J sec inscribed 
T the shops> and that ia another good reasod for 
ig here, since I sjrety ought to learn how." Id 
rt, I was " here," and I wanted an excuse for 
going ^way from here, and I mad'S it to my 
l&cCJon, and stayed here. 

What part in my decision was borne by Mon- 
P, Salcy, ia oi no moment, though 1 own to 
itering that gentleman 's name on a red 
ihe wall, before I made up my mind, 
cur P» Salcy, ''par pcrinisaii>n de M. le 
had established hia theatre in the white- 
ihed Hotel de Ville, on the steps of which 
itrious edifice I stood. And Monsieur P. Salcy, 

»gcd director of such theatre, siiuate in *' the 
learrieai arrondlfisement of the department of 
lorth," invited French- Flemish mankind to 
ic and partake of the inlellectual banquet pro- 
by hid family of dramatic artists, fifteen sub- 
fin number. " La Famlllc P. Salcy, com- 
d'lrtiatea dramatlques. aa nombrc dc 1 5 




jy» THE UirOOMlfERClAt. TRAVKLLSI 



Natfaer s bold aor > diversified countr^f, 
fS^ End wilbll Stt .BBlidj tronntry, but pi 
Mx^ tQ ride in, when the paved roads ovc 
I Cats and throo^ the hoQowa, ire not coo dc 
liad BMd. A cocmtn^ so ipsrcJy inhsbircd, 
J wonda- wWre the peuants fvho till and sov 
reap tbe groa&d, cma possibly dwcU^ and 
vriut ia«i^)k btOooiB tlKV arc conveyed from) 
diiCHit boaHt EMo tb« 6dd9 at sonrise and I 
■gxia at suQsct. Ttic occssona] few poor 
rod firms in xhjs rc^on, sor^y cannot afford . 
to the rounbcT! necessary to the cuitivatioD, 
ihc WQtk is doDc so Y^ry deliberately^ thai os 
loDg liin*est dav J hire seen, in tiveire 
■bottt nnce us many men and »'oinen (all 
(capon^ and U^ding. Yet have I Ectn more 
nure &heep, more i^g>} *nd all in belter cm, 
where there is purer French Sfvoken, aod also 
ridu — round swelling peg-cop ricks, well thaU 
not 3 shapeless brows heap, like the toasi 
Giani's Toast-and-waier, pinned to the earth 
one of the skewers om of hl& kitchen, A 
cujiom tbcy have abont here, likewise, of 
ing the alopMif: tiled roof of iarin or cott 
ihfli it overhang:* three or four feet, carn'ilig 
wet, and making a good drying place whe 
hang U:p herbs, or iropleatents, or wha; 
belter custom than the popuUr one of l:< 
refiise-heap and puddle close before the houjc > 
which, although I paint my dvvcllmg ne\ 
brightly bhic (and i: cannot be too blue tc 
hereabouts), will bring lever inside my 
Wonderful poultry of the Freneh-Fl*!rti!gh coi 
why take the troubJe to ie poultry? Why n 
Btnp phort at eggs in the riling generaticm, 
out and have done with it ? Parents of chickeni 



i^ 



enifl 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 331 



this dayt followed by their wretched young 
!ei, scratching nothing out of mud with an air 

Pcring about on legs so acraggy and weak, that 
diant word drLiinaticlcs becomes a niQcLiery 
■ applied to them, and the crow of the lord 
i master has been a mere dejected case of croup, 
.have 1 seen, and other agriculturit] instru- 
unwieldy, dislocated, monstragg, PopW- 
the thousand fringe the fields and ^inge 
of the flat landscape, so that L led, laoking 
It oD before me, as ii, when 1 pass the ex- 
it fringe on the low hori^.on, I shall tumble 
ito space. Little whitewashed black holes 
Ipels, with barred doors and Flemiih inscnp- 
ibouud dt roadside comers.^ and ofien they 
lished with a shcif of ivoodcn crosses, like 
1*3 swords ; or, in their deiault, some ho[law 
with a aaint roosliiig in it, is Bimilarly dccO' 
ar a pole with a very diminutive saint en- 
aloil in a sort of sacred pigeon-houae. Not 
arc deficient in such decoration in the town 
ibr» over at the church yonder, outside the 
IdiDg, is a scemc rcprcientauon of the Cnici- 
&I1 built up with old bricks and stones, and 
■ out with painted canvas and wooden figures: 
•■wliok surmounting the dusiy akull of eomc 
personage (perhaps), shut up behind a little 
3D grate, as If it were originally put there 
[cooked, and the fire hid long gone out. A 
Uy country thia, though the windmills arc 
ip and rickety, that they nearly knoct thetn- 
iheir legs at every tarn of their sails, and 
loud complaint. A weaving coantry, too, 
llie wayside cottages the loom goes wearily — 
click, rattle and click — and, looking in, I 
poor weaving peasant, jnan or wonuA, 



m 



33a THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLE 

bending « the wort, while thtf chM, worldng 
turns a little handwhed pat upon ihc grou 
tuit its height. An unconjdonable moDs:er, 
loom in a small dwelling, asserting himself 

igenifroysly aa the bread-winner, straddling ova 
children's stnw beds, cramping ihc family in . 

• aad air, and making himself generally objectio 

land tvTxnnical. He is tributary, too, to ugty 
and faciofiej and blutching-grounds, rising o 
the sluiced fields la an abrupt bare way, disdat 

[like himseJfj to be oraamenta! or accommodi 
Surrounded by these things, here I stood on 
Btcps of the Hotel de Ville, persuaded to m 
by the P, SflJcy family, (iftctn dramatic sub 
KTOOg. 

There was i Fair besides. The double pc 
ttoQ being irresistible, and my sponge being Ici 
hind at the last Hotel, I made the tour of ihe 
town tti buy another. In the s^mall ^anny she 
incrcersj opticians, and druggiat -grocers, with 
and there an emporiara of religious iinagcs- 
gravcit of old spectacled Flemish husbatid* 
wives Eat contemplating one another across 
counters, while the wasps, who seemed tg 
taken miKiary possession of the toivn, and to 
placed it under wasp-martial law, erecnted wi 
manccuvrcs in the windows. Other ahopa 
waspi had entirely to ihcmsclvesj and nobody 
and nobody came when I beat wth a five-; 
piece upon the board of custom. What I so 
wa» no more to be found than if I had sou, 
nugget of Califomian gold : so I went, spongi 
to pass the evening with the Family P. Salcy. 

The members of the Family P, SaJcy w< 
fat and *o like one another^ — &lhers, moth 
ters, brothers, uncles, and aunts — that I ilun 



J^Hi 



^ 



CHnAL' TRAVELLfiR 333 

itlience were much confused about the plot 
liecc under representation, and to the last cx- 
that everybody must turn out to be the long- 
live of everybody else. The Theatre waa 
lied on die top story of the Hotel de Ville, 
IS approached by a long bare staircase, 
n, in an airy situation, one of the P. Salcy 
—a stout gciuleman imperfectly repressed by 
-took the (iioneyt This Dccasiuned the 

excitement of the evening 3 for, no sooner 
curtdn rise on the introductory Vaudeville, 
real in the person of the young lover (aing- 
try short song with his eyebrpwa) apparently 
yr name indendcal atOLic gcmlcman imperfectly 
•d by a belt, than everybody rushed out to 
ying place, to ascertain whether he could 

b»vt put on that dress-coat, that clear COm- 

and those arched black vocal eyebrows, in 
rt a space of dme. It then became manifest 
s ^vaj another stout gentlemaii imperfectly 
cd by a belt : to whom, before the spec- 
id recovered their presence of mind, entered 

•tout gentleman impcrfccdy repressed by a 

actly like him. These two " subjects,^^ 

with themnncy-takcr three of" the announced 

fell into conversation touching a charming 

widow : who, presently appearing, proved 

5ioi3t lady ilcogcther irrepressible by any 
-e^alic a parallel case to the American Negro 

of the fifteen subjects, and sister of the fifth 
resided over the checked epartment. In 
me the whole of the fifteen subjects were 

lly presented, and we had the inevitable 
ere. Ma Mere ! and also ihe incvicabtc 
tion d'un pere, and litcwiae the "mevilaXaift 

and afpo the inevitable provinciii ■yoMtv^ 




all sword in The body of one of thfl 
men imperfectly repressed by a belt, fiJ 
&anc2 per Hnnum and a decoration C 
stout gentleman imperfectly repressed bj 

assurance irom everybody to th< 
young maj3 that if he were not auprcnu 
which he aectned to have no reason \ 
beiag^hc ought to be. This afforded 
opporttmity of crying and laughing and 
at once, and sent the audience boinuj 
delighted. Audience mora sttentiv^ 
haved there could not possibly beff 
places cf second rank in the Theatre of 
P, Salcy were sixpence each m Engl 
and the places of first rank s shillings 
fifteen subjects ever got so &t uf 
Heavens knows. 

What gorgeous china figures ofkmj 
gilded till they gleamed again, ] migl 

the Fair for the garniture of mvi' 

_^_ _ i?_,__u r-i ^;_i_ 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 335 



to tilt for municipal rewarda at the watcr-qmnwin ; 
which, unless I sent my lancc dean through the 
ting, emptied a full bLckct over me j in fend off 
which the cDCipedtors wore grotesque old scare- 
trow hats. Or, being French- Flemish man or 
woman, boy or girl, I might have circled at! flight 
on my hobby-horse in a stately cavalcade of hobby- 
horses four abreast, inlersperBcd with triumphal 
cars, going round and round and round and round, 
wc the goodly company singing a ceaseless chorus to 
the music of the barrel-organ, drum, and cymbals. 
On the whole, not more monotonous than the Ring in 
Hyde Park, London, and much merrier ; for when 
do the circling company sing chorus, there, to the 
barfcl-organ, when do the ladies embmce their 
horses round the neck with both arms, when do 
the gentlemen fan the ladies with the tails o{ their 
gallant jtccds ? On all these revolving delights, and 
on th'tir o\vn especiiil lamps and Chinese lantern? 
^olving With ihem, the thoughtful weaver-face 
ghien^T and ihe Hotel dc Ville sheds an illumi- 
•d line of gaslight : while above it, the Eagle of 
r'rance, gas-outlined and apparently afflicted with 
(he prevailing infirmiiies (hat have lighted on the 
poultry, is in a very undecided stale of policy, and 
ss a bird rooulring. Flags (lutter all Ground, Such 
is the prevailing gaiety thut (he keeper of the prison 
sits on the stane steps outside the priaon-door, to 
have a look at the world that is not locked up ; 
while that agreeable retreat, the wine-shop opposite 
to the prison In the prison-alley (itj Sign La 
Tranquillite, because fif its charming situation), re- 
sounds with the voices of the shepherds and 
shiCp herd esses who resort there this festive night. 

I it reminds me that only this afternoon, I 
B shepherd in trouble, tervdin^ tiCi* "WTj, 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELl^EH 



\ 



over tht j*gg<^ stone of a neighbouring so 
A magmEccn: sight it was, to heboid him 
iu3 blouic, a feeble liitle jog-troi rustic, sw< 
along by the wind of two immense gendantio,! 
cocked-hats for which the street was hardly 
enough, each carrying a bundle of stolen prope 
that would not have held his should cr-tnot* 
clanking a sabre that dwarfed the prisoner. 

" Messieurs « Mesdaroes, I present to yoi 
this Fair, a s. mark of my confidence in the pec 
of this so-rcnowued town, and as an act of hora^ 
lo their good S'Cn&e and fine taste, the Vcntrik 
ihc Venu-iloijuist ! Further, Messieurs et 
dames, I preaeni to you the FBce-Maker* 
Phyaiognonjiit, ihe great Changer of Countenain: 
wha transforms die features that Heaven has ' 
stowed upon him into an endless auccesaion of IJ 
prising and extraordinary visages, cotnprclicndii 
Messieurs et Mcsdames, all the contortions, a 
gedc and expressive, of which the human fac 
capable^ and all the pasaions of the human hear 
Love, Jealousy, Revenge, Hatred, Avarice, 
tpair ! Hi hi. Ho ha, Lu lu. Come in ! " Ti 



To I 



effect, with an occasional smite wpon 8 fioo< 
kind of tambourine — bestowed with a will, u ^ 
represented the people who won't come in — hi 
forth a man of lofty and severe demeanour ; a 
in stately iiniform, gloomy with the knowlcd| 
possesses of the inner secrets ofthe booth- " C 
in, come m ! Your opportunity presents it»d| 
night; to-morrow it vriB be gone for ever, ^ 
morrow morning by the Express Train the raill 
will reclaim the Ventriloquist and the Facc-MiJ 
Algeria will reclaim the Ventriloquist and the Fj 
Maker! Vcs! For the honour of their coaf 
ihcy have accepted ■pto^oCmom o^ ■». mi^nii 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 337 



ib]e, to appear in Algeria. See them far tht 
ic before their departure ! We go to com- 
DD die instant. Hi hi ! Ho ho ! Lu lu ! 
in ! Take the money that now ascends, 
(uUtnc ; but after chat^ no more, for we com- 
leiice i Come in ! " 
Nevertheless, the eyes both of the gloomy 
puker And of Madame receiving sous in a muslin 
«wcr, survey the crowd pretty aharply after the 
Kendiag money haa a^cctided, to detect any 
ingcring 8cn]s at the turniing-point. ** Come in, 
omc in ! tg there any more money, Madame, on 
he point of ascending f If so, we wait for it. If 
NS, we coramence ! " The orator looks bact over 
h shoulder to iay it, laahJng the spectators with 
hff fonvicdon that he beholds through the folds of 
" ' Try jjito which he js about to plunge, the 
■■.Liiat and the Facc-Makcr. Sevs^al sous 
mm out of pockets, and ascend. " Come up, 
ben. Messieurs ! " eidaims Madame in a shrill 
nee, and beckoning wirh a bejewelled Jinger. 
'Come up! This presses. Monsieur has com- 
■BcJcd that they commence ! " Monsieur dives 
Bo hia Interior, and the last half-dozen of us 
Mlow. His Interior is comparatively severe j his 
lnoior abo. - A true Temple of An needs noth- 
^ but seats, drapery, a small tabk with two 
Ipderator lamps hanging over it, and an ornamental 
KdcJDg-glais let intn the watL Monsieur in unl* 
ffm gets behind the table and surveys us '^vilb dis- 
^|ftj his lorehead becoming diabolically intellectual 
|k. the moderators. *' Messieurs er Mesdames, 
latent to you the Ven.tnlo<)uJat. He will com- 
Sncc with the celebrated Ejpprience of the bee In 
^yindow. The bee, apparently the vcnublt 
H|^ Nuaisv, wi}' haver in the vifmdo-w , «ei!\ 



A 




_^Jow, and of a weakly aspect. '^_ 
in progress. Monsieur the Proprieter 
8tool» immersed in dark and remote t\ 
moment the bee ia bottled^ he etalka' 
US gloomilj' B9 we applaud, and ch< 
sternly waving his hand: "The 
Experience of the child with tt 
cough ! " The child disposed of, hi 
before. " The superb and extraorc 
ence of the dialogue between Monsit 
in his dining-room, and his domescij 
the cellar; concluding with the soi 
grove, and the Concert of domesl 
arimals." All this done* and well done 
the Vcntriloquiit withdraws^ and Mc 
Facc-Maker bursts in, cs if his rctiring-n 
mile long instead of a yard. A cory 
man in a large whiEe waislcoatt wit] 
countenance, and with a wig in his hi 
ent disposinon to laugh, instantly 
tremendous gravity of the Face-Mi 



, will 

I 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

iiooch inaide out. He then becomes &ight- 
|rove again, and says w the Propriewr, " I am 
Jl " Proprietor stalks forth from baleful reverie, 
uujouncej "The Young Conacripcl*' Face- 
iltcr claps hig wig an, hiiid side beibrc, looks In 
' glass, and appears above it aa a conscript so 
y iirbccile, and squinting so cxucmcly hard, that 
ihould think the Stale would never get any good 
him. Thunderj of applause. Face-Maker dips 
and the lookJEg-glasa, brings his own hair for- 
rdj is himself again, is awfully grave. ** A dis- 
gaished inhabitant of the Faubourg St. Germain.** 
ce-Mabcr dips, rises, is supposed :o be aged, 
ar-eyed, toothless, slightly palsied, supernatural ly 
iitc, evidently of noble birth. " The oldest 
LBibcx of the Corps of Itivalides on the fete-day 
his master." Facc-Makcr dips, rise?, wears the 
g on one side, has become the feeblest military 
re in existence, and (it 13 clear) ivould lie frigh:- 
\y about his past achicvcmentSt if he were not 
nfincd to pantomime. "The Miser!'* Face- 
aker dips, rises, clutches a bag, and every hair 
the wig is on end to express that he lives in con- 

K dread of thieves. " The Genius of France ! " 
Maker dips, rises, wig pushed back and 
hcd ilat, little coclted-hsf (artfully concealed 
ttcw) put a-top of it, Face-Maker's white waist- 
U much advanced, Face-Maker's left hand in 
MJtn of white waistcost, Face-Mabcr*s right hand 
hind his back. Thunders. Th3s isthe fimof 
■cc posiliona of the Genius of France. In the 
:ond positioiT, the Face-Maker tales snuff"; in the 
rd, rolls up his right hand, and surveys illimirable 
BieB through that pocket-glass. The Face- 

tthen, by putting out his tongue, atid weir- 
ff wig nohow in particular, bccCim^* ^fe*. 



340 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVfil 

Village Idiot. The moat remarkable feature b 
whole of his ingenious performaTice, is, ihiil vi. 
ever he docs to disguise himself, has ihc e&Q. 
rerdenng him radier more like liimsclf tlua; 
at first. 

There were peep-shows in this Fair, and I 
the pleasure of recognisicig £eperaJ iieldi o( gl 
with which I became well acquainted a year or 
igo as Crimean battJe&, sow doing duty as M 
victoriea. The change ivas neatly effected by 
extra smoldng of the Ru^iani, add by pcrmil 
the camp foUowers free rdtige in the forcgroiin 
despoil the enemy of their uniforms. Ai no B. 
troops had ever happened to he within sight w 
the artist took his original sketches, it iQUowcd 
innately that none were in the way now. 

The Fair wouod up with a ball. Rcspi 
particular night of the week on which the 
place, I decline to commit myself; merely c 
tioning that it was held in a stable-yard to i 
close to the railway, that it is a mercy the locfli 
tive did not a^t fire to it. (Id Scotland, I sjpp 
it would have done so.) There, in a lent pre 
decorated with locking-glosses and a myiii-d of 
flags, the people danced all night. It wa» PC. 
expensive recreation, the price of a double ticket 
a cavstier and lady being one and threepence 
English money, and even of that small sum G 
pence was feclaimabEe for '• c^nsom [nation 
which word I venture to tranfEate into retrcahmt 
of no greater strength, at the strongest, than c 
nary wine made hot> with sugar and lemon in 
It WHS d ball of great good humour and of gi 
enjoyment, though very many of the dancers 
have been as poor as the fifieen subjects of the 
Salcy Family. 




iMCOMMERCiAL TRAVELLER 



Dot h^-vibg takeg my own pel riatioual 

ih me to this Fair, 1 was very well sat- 

ihe meaaurc of simple enjoyment dial it 

the dull French- Flemish cuuntry lifc^ 

that is, I hid aii opportunity of consid- 

the Fair was over — when ihe tri-col- 

i were withdrawn fium ihe windows of 

lOn the Place where the Fair was held — 

(pindows were close shm, apparently un- 

tit-tiine — when the Huiel dfi Ville had 

I gas and pur away its eagle — when the 

VI, whom I take to form the entire pav- 

Ition of the town, were ramming down 

which had been pulled up for the erec- 

icorative poles— when the jailer hid 

Ib gate, and sulkily locked himself in with 

But tbcD* as I paced the ring which 

p track of the departed hobby-horsea on 

^place, pondering in my mind hotv long 

iy^horaes do leave their tracks in pnblic 

'how diiScuIt they are to erase, my eyes 

^ed with a goodly sight. I beheld four 

biagea thooghtfuUy pacing the Place to- 

[the sunlight, evidently not belonging to 

jmnd having upon them a certain loose 

Sm air of not belonging to any town. 

[lad ia a suit of white canvas, another in 
ilouse, the third in an old military frock^ 
in a shapeless dress that looked as if it 
|jnadc QUI of old umbrellas. AH wore 
ed shoes. My heart beat high i for, m 
[nalc personages, although cotrtplcxioolcss 
Dwleas, I behdd four subjects of the 
SaJcy. Blue-bearded though they were^ 
of ttie youthful smoothness of cheek 
apxTted by irhac 13 termed m fiVtaoT. * 



the ■ 
he lafl 



ILll ILLS Upuun 0LUhA BIIgUIB 

his cxnvas crouserj, after 
Glancing down the Ygrd, the 
was. That he looted in through 
soup, no doubt) on one leg. 

Full uf this pleasure, I shortly 
parted from the town, little dreamii 
tjon to my good fortune. Bur mot 
I went by s. train which was heavj 
carriages, hilt of yocng fellawa {\vk 
had drawn unlucky numbers in thel 
and were en their way to a famoui 
town where much of the raw wi\ 
worked up into soldiery. At the eti 
been sitting about, in ihdr threae 
blue gartncnts, with their poor litj 
their 3mT3, covered with dust ai 
various soils of France; aad ctioit^ 
of them, but putting a good face ui 
ping their breasts and ainging chonug 
est provocation ; the gayer srHritB^[ 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 343 

short of thar deaanatjon, and, as that 

of the train was attended nith a quajitity 
>lowing» bcU ringing, and proclamation of 
cssieurs lea Voyageura were to do* and 
lo do, in order to reach their respective 
)na, I had ample leisure lo go forward on 
bmi to take a parting look at my recruits, 
cuds were all out at window, and who 
Sghing like delighted children. Thicn I 
i thai a large poodle with a pink liose, who 
n iheir travelling companion and the cause 
nirth, stood on hia hind-legs presenting armi 
extreme verge of the platform, ready to 
icm as the train went off. This poodle 
military shako (it is unnecessary to add» 
ch on nne side over one eye), a little mili- 
it, and the tegulatJon white gaiters. He 
ned with a little nmskcr and a little 
lyoncl, and he stood prescndng arms in 
ittitiidCj with his ungbscurcd eye on h'u 
T superior officer, who stood hy him. So 
e was his discipline, that, when the train 
,nd he was greeted with the parting cheers 
cruics, and also with a shower of centimes, 
vf which struck hu shako, and had a tcnd- 
idiaconipose him, he remained staunch on 

iindl the train was gone. He then rc- 

h arms to his officer, took offhia shako hy.i 

his paw over it, dropped on four legs, 

his uniform coat into the absurdest rela- 
h the overarching skies, and ran about the 

m his white gaiterN, wagging his tail to an 
g gteat extent. I: struck mc that there 
re waggery than this in the poodle, and 
Jniew that the recruits would ae.^th« ^^c 
tieir cjrefciffw, nor get rid of i.!b.cu ■aviv 



I 



344 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEl 

fbrmi, as easily as he ; revolving which hi 
thoughts, and seel:ing in my pockets boidc 
money to bestow upon him, I casuaHy dirccto 
cy« to the face of his superior officer, and h 
beheld the Face-Maker! Though it was n 
way lo Algeria, but quite the reverse, the m 
poodle's Colonel was the Face-Maker in 
bbuic, with a small bundle dangling ovc 
ehndder at the end of an umbrella, and ta\ 
pipe from Sis breast to smoke a& be and the |j 
went their mysterious way. 



1 



Chapter XXVI 

ME[)lCtME-M£N OF CLVlt.I3AT10N 

MY voyage (in paper boats) among savagn 
yield me matter for reflection «t honK 
is curious to trace the savage in the civilised 
and to detect die hold of some savage custoi 
canditian& of society rsthcr boastiiil of bdR| 
above them. 

I wonder, h the Medicine Man of the I 
American Indians never to be got rid of, out i 
North American country ? He comes inti 
Wigwam on all raanner of occasions, and wit 
ahiurdest " Medicine." I always find it eitK 
difficult, and I often find it simply impossih 
keep him out of my Wigwam. For hi« ' 
** Medicine " he sucks upon his hciad the hi 
cjuadrupeds. and pUsters the same with fat, 
dirty white powder, and talks a gibberi&h ^Mli 
known to the men and squaws of his tribe. 
his religious " Medicine '* he puts on puffy 1 
«lceveft,. little black apronSj large black wai* 



i 



^^^NCi 



OMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 34J 



peculiar cut, collarlcss coata with Medicine 
a-holcs. Medicine stockings and gai:ers and 
, snd tops the whole with highly grotesque 

^il hat. In one respect, to be sure, I am 
c from hiir. On occasions when the 
c Men in general, together with a laJ^e 
er of the miBCcllancDua inhahitants of his vil- 
both Tnak and female, are presented to the 
ipal Chief, his native *' Medicine" is a com- 
llxture of old odds and ends (hired of traders) 
lew things in antiquated shapes, and pieces of 
loth (of which he is particularly fond), and 
■ and red and bhe paint for the face. The 
mality of thia pardcular Medicine culminates 

mock batile-rush, from which many of the 
V3 are bome out, much dilapidated. I need 
ibserve how unlike this is 10 a Dtawing Room 
, James's Palace. 

ic African ma^cian I find it very difficult to 
ide from mj* Wtgwam too^ This creature 

cases of death and mourning under his super- 
3, and will frequently impoverish a whole 
V by his preposcerous enchantments. He is a 

eater and drinker, and always conceals a re- 
ig stomach under a grieving exterior. His 
ma consist of an infinite quintily of worthless 
rt, for which he charges very high. He Im- 
te> on the poor bereaved natives, that the more 
ii followers they pay to exhibit such scraps on 

persons for an hour or two (though thev never 
tiae deceased in their lives, and are put in high 
» by his decease), the more honourably and 
lly they grieve for the dead. The poor people, 
litting themselves to this conjuror, an erpensive 
udon is formed, in which bits of sdck, feathers 
iifc and a quantity of other unmeaning flbjetts 



346 TH£ UNCOMMERClAl, TRAVELLER 



besmeared wicli black pdibt. are carried in a 
ghastly order ofwhich no one utudcntandf the 
ing, if it ever had any, to the brink of the pi 
and Mtt then brought b^ck agaiD. 

In the Tonga. Islands everything 12 lUppQH 
have a soul, so that when a hatchet is iiiE 
broken, they say, ** His iimnortal part has dc 
he is gone to the happy hunting-plsins." Thli 
lief leads to the logical Kquencc that when « 
Is buried, some of his eating asd drinking v 
and some of his warlike implements, man be bn 
and baricd with him. Supcrstitiout and wroii£»' 
surely a more respectable Buperstition than the 
of amic scraps fur a show that has no m 
based on any sincere beliej'. 

Lci me halt on my UncommerciaJ road, to 
A passing glance on some Juneral solenmiHtis t 
have seen where North American Indians, All 
Magicians, and Tonga Islanders, are supposed 
10 he. 

Once, 1 dwelt in an Italian city, where 
dwelt with me for a while, an Englishman 
wniable nature, great cnthusiasoi^aad no 
This friend discovered 3 desolate stranger, 
ing over the unexpected death of one very d 
him, in a solitary cottage among the vincy 
an outlying village- The cirtTjrn stance* 
bereavement were unusually distresHng; 
survivor, new to the peasants and the caui 
sorely needed help, being alone with ihc 
VVilh pome difficulty, but with the Strong iiifl 
of a purpose at once gentle, disinteresreri, Jin 
tennincd, my friend — Mr. Kindhcart — oU 
access to the fflourner. and undertook tn 1 
the burial. 

There was a sjnall Protestant cemetery » 



i 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 347 



HE UM 

l^nth, and as Mr. Kindihean came back eo mp, 
iurned into it and chose the spot. He was 
ays highly flushed when renderirtg a service un- 
sd, and I knew that to make him tiappy I must 
p aloof from his minUtracion. But when at 
tier he wBrmcd with the goad action of the day, 
conceived the brilEiant idea of comforting the 
jrncr iivitli "an English funeral," I ventured to 
mate that I thought that institudon. wMch was 
absolutely sublrine at home, inight prove a fail- 
in Italian hand*. However, Mr Kindheart 
I 30 enraptured with liis coticeptioii, ilut he 
teotly wrote down into the town requesdng the 
fodajice with to-marrow's earliest light of a c«r- 
L little upholsterer. This upholsterer was famous 
speaking the uni intelligible local dialect (his own) 
a far more unintelligible manner than any other 
n alive. 

When from Tny bath next morning I overlieard 
■. Kindheart and the upholsterer in conference 
(he top of an echoing staircase ; and when I 
rrhcard Mr. Kindheart rendering English Undcr- 
bg phrases into very choice Italian, and the 
lolaterer replying in the unlcnortii Tongues j and 
en I fiirthermorc remembered that the local 
crals had no Tcsemblance co English funerala ; 
iccame in my secret bpsom apprehensive. But 
■. Kindheart informed me at breakfast that meas- 
a had been taken to ensure a. signal success. 
hs the funeral was to take place at sunset, and 
I knew to which of the city gateK it must tend, 
rent out at that gate as the sun descended, and 
Iked along the dusty^ dusty road. I had not 
Had Jar, when I encountered this procession ; 

I Mr. Kindheart, much abashed, on an im- 
pey borse. 




nd tht coach, the mai 
coach was intended, walking in' 

4. Concealed behind n roadsie 
irrigatiun cfa garden, the unintclligit 
admiring. 

It matters little noiv. Cozehei 
arc alike xo poor Kindhcart, ard he' 
of ihe little ceinctCTy with thtf cypres* 
city walls where the Mediterranean is 

My first funeral, a fair reprcsenlativi 
its kind, was that of the huKband of a 1 
ant, once my nurse. She married for n 
FIsaders, after a year or two of mat 
the relict of Flanders, a amflll mast 
cither she or Flanders had done tnc t 
express a desire that I ihould " (a 
have been seven or eight years old ;- 
certainly, to feel rather alarmed by] 
IB ncjt knowing where the invitati 
termmatc, and how far I was ejtj 
[he deceased Flanders. Consent 
the heads of houses, I was Jobbd 
was pmnouncccl ai home decent 



.^L.^J-, ^1.^«»-l.i 



BS UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 349 

^^jniiion of myself becauie I oauldn't cry, I 
jizd to Sally's. Sally was an excellent crea- 
, and had been b good wife to old Flanders, 
the roomfltit I saw h'cr I knew that she was not 
icr own real natural staic. She formed a sore 
[^oat of Arms, grouped with a smelling-botde, 
andkerchief, an orange, a. bottle of vinegar, 
idera's aistcr, her own sister, Dandcra'a brother's 
taisnd two neighbouring gossips — al! in mourn- 
ftid ^ redid)' ici hold her whenever she fainted, 
ngbt of poor little me she becarne much agi- 
d (agitaring me much more), and having ex- 
ited, "O here's dear Master Uncommercifll ! " 
ime hysteri^^al, and swooned a$ if 1 had been 

death of her. An afFecTing scene followed, 
ag which I was handed about and poked at 
■y various people, as if J wcrc ihc bottle of 
Jf Reviving a litde, she em'araced me. said, 
ou knew him well, dear Masic '^n'.ommcrcial, 

he tnew yoq ! " and fainted again : ^Sich, as 
rest of rhe Coat of Arms soothingly tuit!, " done 

credit." Now, I knew chat she needn't have 
[ed unless she liked, and that she wnoldn't have 
Kd unless it had been expected of her, quite aj 
I as I know it at this day. It made mc feci 
>mforC£ble and hypocritical besides. I was not 
but chat it might be inanners in mt to faim 
t. and I resolved to keep my eye on Flanders's 
le, and if I saw any signs of his going in that 
ctioT), Co go too» politely. But Flanders's uncle 
lO was a weak little old retail grocer) had only 

idea, which was that we all wanted tea ; and 
liandcd us cups of tea all round, incessantly, 

thcr we refused or not. There was a young 
Ijcw of Flanders's present, to whom F\iTi4ci%* 
St ntmoarcd. bad Scl't nineteen gu^Tttas. 'tt*. 



^ 





THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



Atwak all the tea that wss oSercd hun, this ncpl 
— smotindng, I should say, to several quans 
ate aj much plum-catc as he could pcswWy co 
by; but he felt it to be decent mourning ihai] 
should now and thta stop in ihe midst of a 
of cake, and appear to forget that his mouth 
full, in the trontemplatloa of hJs uncle's nief 
I felt all diis to be the faulr of the undertaker, 
was hsEdiiig us gloves on a tea-tray as if they 
inuffioS) and tying is into doaXs (mine had toj 
pinned up all round, it was ao long for me), 
cause J knew that he was making game. So, wl 
■We got out into the screeta, and I const 
MTongcd the proce&sion by tumbling on 
before mc because my handkerchief Minii 
eyes, and tripping up the people behind mc bcc 
IHy cloak was eo long, I felt that wc w!K 
piaking game. I was truly sorry for Flandcn,! 
] knew that it was no reason why we should! 
trying (the women with their heads in hoods 
coal-acutiles with the black side outward) to 
fiiep with a man in a »carf, cairymg a thing lili 
mourning spy-glass,, which he wa» going to 
presently aJid sxveep the horizon with. I knew I 
we should no: all have been speaking in oat 
ticular kejf-note struck by the undertaker, if we^ 
not been making game. Even in our dczs we 
every one of us a« like the undertaker as ii'wci 
been his own fanitly, and I perceived that 
could not have happened unless we had 
making game. When we returned to SaUy'l 
was all of a piece. The continued impowit 
of getting on without plum-cakc ; the cercmc 
pparidon of a pair ol decanters containing 
Mud iherry and cotk -, Sally's isisccr at the lei-t 
dmksng the be»l <:rocVGv "^^^ ttii^B&%Viw 



y every time she looked down into tha 

if it were the lorab ; the Cost of Arms 

d Sally as before j lastly, the words of 

n administered to Sally when it was con- 

jht thai she should " come roujid riccly : " 

re, that the deceased had had as "com- 

H fu-ne-ral as coraiortable coiild be!" 

funerals have I seen with grovvn-iip cycsj 

; djiy, of which the burden haa been thft.' 

Jdish burdtin. Malting game. Real] 

real grief and solemnity, have been out-i 

d the funeral has been "performed.'* 

e for ivhich the funeral customB of man;^ 

lavRges are conspicuous, has attended theai^^ 

wbsequies; and once, snd twice, have 

p my Boul that if the wasce must be, the)fj 

K the undertaker bury the money, and ' 

flhe friend, -a 

pee, upon the whole, these ceremnmes arAJ 

Bibly regulated, because they are upon th^' 

K expensively regulated, I cannot say that 

Vtt been inuch edified by the custom of 

lb and apron on the front of the house of,] 

', or that r would mysdf particularly care 

•en 10 tny grave to a nodding and bobbing 

Ian infirm foiir-post bedstead, by an inky 

tature in a cocked-hat. Bui it may be 

1 con atituti Dually insensible to the virtues 

ed-hat. Ift provincial France, the aolem- 

fcuSciently hideous, but are few and cheap. 

ds and townsmen of the departed, in thcl 

btscB and not masquerading under 

of the African Conjuror, surround the 

» ind often carry it. It ia not considered 

ible (o stjfic the bearers, or cvtn \o tjV^Kt 

b on their shoulders ; con&et\tteiw\v '"^"^ '"^^ 



352 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELX^R 

eaaly taken up, and easily set down, aad n 
througli the streeta without the distressing &inai{ 
ing and shiiffling thai we see at home. A 
priest or iwo^ apd a dirtier acolyte or two, da] 
lend any especial grace to the procecdingi ; 
regard with per^oDal animosity the baawon, vi\ 
* is blown at intervaU by the big legged pric« 
always a big legged priest who blown the bat 
when his fellows cDmbine in a lugubrious suli 
drawl. But there is far less of th,e Conjjrorj 
the Medicine Man in the bui^nes^ than undet] 
circumstances here. The grim coachei that wa 
serve expressly for such shows, ixc nan-cxtttl 
if the cemetery be far out of the toWD, ihr c( 
that are hired for other purports of life art 
I'fbr tlu£ purpose; and although the hooegt vet 
make no pretence of being overcome, I hate 
nodced that the people in them were the wonB 
it. In Italy, the hooded Members- of Conlisl 
ties who attend on funerals, are dismal and c^ 
look upon ; but the servicu they render are ai ! 
voluntarily rendered, and impoverish no onc.J 
cost nothing. Why sboutd high civilisatioa . 
-low savagery ever come together on the 
inking the;n a wantonly wasteful and contcmp 
Kt nf forms ? 

Once I lost a friend by death, who hicli 
troubled in his time by the Medicine Man and 
Conjuror, and upon whose limited resoauei 
were abundant daims. The Conjuror assure 
thai I must positively ** follow," and both he 
the Mcdidnc Man entertained no doubt 
must go in a blaclt carriage, and muft wear 
tings." I objected to Uttings as having noch:! 
do with my friendaUi^, and I objected to the 
^iniage ax being w tntite iccdfix "Om-u qsai^j 



A 



ac into my mind lo try whac would hap- 

jui^tly walked, in iiiy Own way, from my 

to try friend'5 buria.l-place, and &taod 

open grave in my own dress and person, 

listening to clie best of Services, It 

iy mind, I found, t^uite as wdl as if 1 bad 

{ulsed in a hired hatband and scarf both 

my very heels, and aa if J had cost the 

bitdren, ld tbclr greatest need, ten guincaa. 

ly one who ever beheld the alupcndous 

attcadant on ** A message from the 

the HoLije of Commons, cum upon tiia 

Man of the poor Indians ? Hob he any 

ic" ia that dried skin pouch of hi^, so 

ladicTQU? as tke two Masters in Chan- 

ing up their black petticoats and buitiug 

Iculous wigs ai.Mr. Speaker? Yet there 

Snties innumerable to tctl mc — as there arc 

innumerable among the Indians to tell 

M the nonsense is indispensable, and that 

jtion would involve most awfal conac- 

What would any ratioDuJ creature who 

E' heard of jjdicia] and forensic " fittings," 
the Court of Common Fleas on the first 
erm ? Or with what an awakened aease 
r would LiviNCSTONE^a account of a simi- 
be perused, if the fur a.nd red cloth and 
ud horse hair and powdered chalk and 
rhes on the top of the head, were all at 
ngODgo inetead of Westminster ? Tkat 
Bsionary and good brave man found at least 
of blacks with a very strong sense of the 
}f insomuch that although an aniiablc and 
)p]e, they never could see the Mission' 
)SC of their legs in the attitude of kneeUn^, 
be^n a hymn in c^oiiue., yivOtvouX 



chief mmc & dovrdi'wfcdi 

'vDceCDg takes place : 3 meeting whic 
Ksemblsncc to our own Public Da 
of its being a main part of the 
every gentleuian pretem U required j 
thiag nait}^ ThejK Mataboos 
otdtvy ici bnporum is their a.vt 
mskt the most cf iheir high fiiacdoni 
out of the Tonga lilacdi, indeed, 
Britifih l&Iands, wa there no calling m 
thaot the other day to settle an earti 
qucstioQ of precedence ; and wai then 
opinion delivered oq the part of th 
which, being interpieted to chat unlui 
blacks with the scn&c of the ridiculon 
£dl]bly set the whole popLilaiion km 
iter ? 
My aeuse of justice deuiflndj the 
Ever^ that this ia tiot quite a onc-sidc 
wc submit ourselves meetly to the 
id the Conjuror, dud are not ezi 



KM 



BRCIAL TRAVELLEI 



C into open places and ktting 'otFgtini. Ic 
}nable wherher our kgiskdvc assemblies 
it lake a hint frgni thl&, A shell Is not 
3ua wind-inscruracnc, and it is monoro- 
t it IS 3s niD^tcsl AS, and not more monoto^, 
I, my Honourable friend's own trumpet, 
ler that he blows so hard for the Minisicrk 
:ssnesa of arguing with any supporter of a 
Cut Of of an Opposition, is well known- 
ing. It L5 a better exercise^, and has uic 
)le recommendation chat it couldn't be re- 

The honourable and savage member who 
ided gun, and has grown impatient of de- 
ages out of doors, fires in the air, and re- 
n and silent to the Palaver. Let the hon- 
■nd civilised member similarty charged 
reech, dan bio the cloisters of Westminster 
I [he silence of night, let his speech off, 
e back harmlcBJ, It h not at first sight a 
onal custom to paint a broad blue stripe 
e^i nose and both theeb, and a broad red 
m the forehead to the chin, to attach a few 
if wood to one's under lip, to sticic lish- 
'ODc'fl ears and a brass curtain-ring in one's 
1 to rub one's body all over with rancid 

preliminary ta entering on busineas. But 

question of taste and ceremony, and 30 is 
dsor Uniform. The manner of entering 
isiness itself is another question. A coun- 
[ hundred savage getitlemen entirely indc- 
of tallorB, sitting oti their hams in a ring, 

and occasionally grunting, seem to me, 
I to the experience J have gathered in mf 
and travels, somehow to do what they 
fether for ; whereas that h not at all the 
•tieace of n couni:!! of ms. Wx.'isti. 



3S6 THE UNCOMMERCIAI, TEIAVBLU^ 

dnlbed gcsxlcmcn ver}' dependeni od tailor 
silQDg On mechanical coticHvinces. It is 
tiur &I1 A&icc^bly dbould do its utmost to c: 
iucif m smoke, than, {kat it should diract 
deavotiTs Id £fivebpiQg the public in smoke; 
would rachcr ii buned half a bimdrcd batcb^] 
buiied OQC scbjcct dcmandjjig atteDuon. 



Chapter XXVII 



TITBULLi ALUS-HOUSfS 



BY the side ol most railways out of 
one mzy see Atmi-Houses and R.etreauj 
crally with a Wing or a Ceno-e wanling, vi\ 
bitioos of being much bigger than thty are), 
of which are newly- founded Insdtuuoni, andj 
old establishmeBts transplanted. There !»■< 
ency in these pieces cif architecture to ihool; 
ward unexpectedly, like Jack's bean-stalk, 
be omste in spires of Chapels and lantc 
Halts, which migh^ lead to the embcllishni* 
the air with many castles of questionable 
but for the restraining coasidcradon of cij 
However, the managers, being always of a 
lempcrainent, comfort themaelves with plai 
elevations of Loomings in the fiiture, and 
fluenced in the present by philanthropy towarditl 
railway passengers. For, the qucsdon how pro*!* 
ous and promising the buildings can be ma^ 
look in their eyes, usually £upersed« the 
que&tion how they can be tur:icd to llic b< 
count for the inmates. 

Why none of the people who rcdde ia\ 
phcts ever look o\it ot vm\5.WM , ot liaJke sit 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER M7 

', the piece of ground which is going to be a garden 
f-and-by, 13 one of ihe wanders J have added to my 
V?ay8-Iengthening list of die wqnders of the world. 

have got it into my mind that they live in a stale 
j chfonic injury and reBenLment, and tin that ac- 
Wat. refuse to decoraie the building wkh a human 
iterest. As I have known legatees deeply injured 
iir a bequest of five hundred pgunds because ic was 
3t five thous^Bd^ and as I was once aCiquajnCed 
■ilii a pensioner on the Public to the extent of two 
andred a year, who perpemall)' anaJicmaiised his 
lOimiry because he was not in the receipt of four, 
iving no claim whatever to sixpence : so perhaps 

nsually happens, within certain limits, that to get 

little help is to get a notion of being defrauded 
[" more. " How do they pass their lives in this 
santiful and peacefiil place I " was the subject of 
ly speculation with a visitor who once accom- 
iuied me to a charrrjag ruBtic retreat for old men 
id women: a quaint ancient foundation jn a 
!ea»ant English countVj beliind a picturesque 
lurch and among rich old convent gardens. There 
crc but some dozen or bo of houses, and wc 
greed that we would talk with the inhabitants, aa 
iCy 53t in their groined rooms between the light 
' their ftTSi and the light shining in at their latticed 
kidows, and would find out. They passed their 
rci in conEidering themselves mulcted of certain 
uices of tea by a deaf old steward who lived among 
«n in the qaadrangle. There was co reason to 
ippose that any £uch ounces of tea had ever been 

existeacf, or that the old steward bo much ai 
lew what was the matter ; — he passed /us life in 
Jissidcring himself periodically deirauded of a 
i-bToom by the beadle. 

jt Is ndihcr to old Alni5-Ho\iiei 'vr i^ 





awn i gaps In the bosy Ufc arour 
theses in the close and hlotted reiti- 

Sometiinej, tbese Alms-Houscs 
pany or Sotiety. Sgtnetinjw, they 
by individuals, and are maifltained 
funds bequeathed ic perpetuity long 
favourite among them is Titbuirs, whi 
ment is a picture of many. Gi Titbul 
more than that he deceased in i "23, tt 
lian name was Sampson, and his socia 
Esquire, and that he founded these Air 
Dwellings for Nine Poor Women 
Men by his Will and Testament. 
know even ihls much, but for its be 
a grim stone very difficult to read, W 
of the centre house of Titball's AM„ 
which stone is ornamented a-top mtl 
6ai?prured drapery resembling thCi 
bull's biath-towel, 

Titbuirs Aims-Houses arc in the ' 
a ETcat hie-hwav. in a DOor bui 



I 



Z UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 359 

I take the grouDd to heve risen in those 
tncc TilbiiU's time, and you drop into his 
by three srone steps. So did I first drop 
( very cearly striking iiiy brows agaJmt Tit- 
punip, which glands With Its back tQ the 
ihfkrc juat inside the ga.ce, and has a con- 
dr of reviewing Tiibull's pensioners. 
bd a worse odc," said a virulent old man 
pitcher, " there isn't nowhere. A harder 
work, nor a grudglnger one to yield, there 
wliere!" This old man wore a. long coat, 
\ we ace Hogarth's ChairmeL represented 
l&d it was of that peculiar green-pea hue 
the green, which seems to come of poverty, 
also chat peculiar smell of cupboard which 
to come of poverty. 
,e pump is ruaty, perhaps," said I, 
ot /■/," said the old man, regarding it with 
luted virulence in his watery eye, " It never 
t to be termed a pump. That's what'a the 

ith it." 

03C fault ia that ? " ssld I. 
old rnan, who had a (vorkiag mouth which 
10 be trying to masdcate Jiis anger and to 
:l it was too hard and there was too much 
iplied, "Them gentlemen." 
hat gentlemen ? " 
Maybe you're one of ^cm ? '' said the old man, 
iously. 

e trustees ? " 
iwouldn't trust 'em tnyself," said the virulent 

you mean the gentlemen "who administer 
□Of 1 ani not one of them ; nor have I 
much as heard of them." 
vish / never heard of them," ga^pti tVit *iVi. 



560 THE UNCCMMERCIAL TRAVEL 




" It wtj dmc oTBie — whh the rtioiini 
dnwias wascr — 60m that Unug ! ** Not 10 
Inded into calling h a Purap, the oM man 
^KKber nnlent locA, rook up his pitcht 
carried H into « corner dwctUDg-kousc, ilmU 
door jiro' htm. 

L(x»iag aroDwl zad Kcing that each iicdc 
wxs a housp oT tvro little roofnj ; and scdi 
the Bitle oblong conrt-yard in troot waft like 
yard fbr the inhsbiunis, aaviDg chat no w 
CDgravcD on its flat dry stones ; and seeing t 
cuiTCDtJ of life and noise ran to and fro 
having no more to do w hh ihc place than if 
a son of low-water mark on a lively beach ; 
senng this and nothiog elae, I was gOUIg OUl 
gate when one of the doora opened. 

•* Was voD looking for anything, HI ?" I 
ndy well-i&vocircd woman. 

Really, no ; 1 couldn't say I wm. 

" Not wanting aJiJP One, sir ? " 

" Nd> — at least I — pray what is the oaote 
elderly gentleman who lives in the corner tt 

TTic tidy woman stepped out to be lurs 
door J indicated, and fhc and th« pump and 
all three in a row with our backs to the tJsi 
iare. 

" Oh ! Hh name is Mr. Battens,'* saidi 
woman, dropping her voice, 

" I have just been talking with him." 

"Indeed?" said the tidy woman. •*! 
wonder Mr. Battens talked !" 

" la he usually so silent ? " 

" Well, Mr. Batient is the oldest here- 
to fiay, the oldest of the old gentlemen — inf 
residence." 

She had 1 way of passinig her huidi 



f 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 361 

fC iDother sa ehe spafecj that was not only 

popitiarory ; so I asked her if I might 
her little sitdng-raoni ? She willingly rc- 

1, and we wcM into it together : she leav- 
door open, with an eye as I understood to 
|] proprietiig. The door oprning at once 
1 room without any ioterveninB; eiitrv, even 
tnttBt have been silenced by the precaution. 
b a gloomy little chamber, but clean, and 
(nug of Wallflower in the window. On 
iney-piece were two peacock's feathers, a 
hip, a few shells, and a bkck prsfiEc with 
ksb ; whether this portrait purported to be 
female passed my comprehension, until my 
nfbrmed me that ic was her only soUj and 
L speaJung one." 

J3 alive, 1 hope t " 
ar,'* said the widow, " he were cast 

China.** This was &aid with a modest 

its reflecting a certain geographical disdnc- 
his mother. 

•he old gentlemen here arc not given to 
* fisiid 1, " 1 hope the old ladies are ? — not 

are one." 
ihoolt her head,^ " You see they get so 

IV IB that f " 

ill, whether the gentlemen realty do deprive 
ly little matters which ought to be ours by 
cannot say for certain ; but the opinion of 
ones is thsy do. And Mr. Battens he do 
to iar Bs to doubt whether credit is due to 
ider. For Mr, Battens he do say, anyhow 

as name up by it and he done it cheap." 

m cD-aid the pump hae wured Mr. Bat- 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 363 

my acquaintance subaequendy with 
icted lady» whose name Was Mrs. Mitts, 
tsioTiiily dropping' in upon her with a little 
of sound Family Hyson in ray pocket, I 
y became ^miliar with the inner politics 
's of Titbull'fl Alms-Houses. But I never 
id oui who the trustees were, or where ihey 
i b«ng One of tlie fixed ideas of the place 
wc authorities must be vaguely and mys- 
mentioned as "the gentlemen" only, 
icrctary of " the genttcmen " was once 
out to me, evidendy engaged in champion- 
obnoxious pump against the attacks of the 
nted Mr. Battens ; but I am not in a con- 
} report further of him than that he had the 
r bearing of a lawyer's clerk. I had it 
An. Mitts's lipa in a very confidential 
that Mr, Battens was one* " had up 
the gentlemen " to stand or fall by his 
nns, and that an o!d shoe was thrown after 
his departure fratn the building on this 
and ; — not incfFecruiUy, for, the inierview 
in a plumber, was considered to have 
d the temples of Mr. Battens with the 
if victory. 

tbull's Aims-Houses, the local society is not 
i aa good aociccy. A gentleman or lady 
g viatcjrs from without, or going out to tea, 
\w it wertj accordingly ; but visitings or tea- 
IB interchanged among Titbullians do not 
Such interchanges, however, are rare, in 
CDC* of internal disBenaions occasioned by 
iggers's pail : which household article has 
ilbull's into almoft aa many parties as there 
c!lings in that prednct. The extremely 
ated nature of the confiicting articles of 




There are two old 
HoQces who, 1 have been givca 
knew each other in the world bcyot 
iron railings, when they were boil 
They make the best of (heir 
looked upon with ^eat contempt, 
stooping blear-eyed old men of cheer 
and they hobble up and down the 
gjng [heir chins and talking tog* 
This haa given offence^ and hs9, 
the question whether they are jusiific( 
any other windows than their own. 
hawever, permilling them to pasa 
the disdainJ^Jl giound that th«r ir 
amouniB to irrcspcnsibihty, they are 
their walk in peace. They live nc 
another, and take k by lums to read 
aloud (that is to say, the newest 
can get), and they play crihbage 

arm and sunny days they hive 



1 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 365 

general suspicion that they are spies of 
mtlcmen : " to which ihey were supposed 

g^vcn colour in my own presence en ihc 

of the weak ai:cmpt at jusaficatior of the 
' the gentlemen's clerk ; when they emerged 
,ded from the doors of thdr dwclUngs, as 
!wei)ings and themselves conalituted an old- 
El weaiher-glasB of do'uble acdon with two 
if old ladies inside, and defercnlially bowed 

at intervals until he took his departure. 
•e understood (o be perfectly friendless and 
ess. Unquestionably the two poor fellows 
: very best of their lives in Ticbuira Alms- 

and unquestionably they are (as before 
:d) the subjects of unmitigated contempt 

laturday nights, when there ia a greater stir 
aal outside, and when idneranc vendori of 
neous "WHres even take their stations and 

irh*ir smoky lampa before the ifon railings, 
becomes Hurried. Mrs, Saggers has her 
ed palpitauons of the heart, for the most 

Saturday nights. But Titbull's is nniit to 
ith the uproar of the streets in any of its 

Ji is religiously believed at Titbull's that 
push more th£n they used, and likewise that 
itnost object of the population of England 
lies is to get you down and trample on you. 
if railroads they know, at TitbuH's, little 
tan the shriek (which Mrs, Saggers &ays 
ough her, and ought to be taken up by 
meni) ; and the penny postage may even 
unlinown there, for I have never seen a lei- 
rered to any inhabitant. But there is a tall 

sallow lady resident in NLmber Seven, 
•> who never speaks to anybody, who is 



i^ 




again. An immense senaatioD wi 

gipi)'-party calling in a spriug-vaiir 
kdy up 10 go for a day'^ pl«ast 
Forest, and notes were compared 
the company was the soil, graDc 
other teladvt, the Contractor. A{ 
sonage w^th a white hac and a a^ 
was the favourite : though as TitbuU 
rea«(Jii to believe that the Contract^ 
all, than that this man was suppc 
chimney slacks as if he would like td 
down and cart them off, the genera 
much unsetded in arriving at a concll 
way out of this difficulty, it concentn 
the acknowledged Beauty of the party, 
in whose dreso was verbally urtripf 
ladies th«n and there, and whoit 
with another and a thinner persot 
hat might have aufiiiaed the pump < 
were prindpaily discasned) wit^d 
lOntha afterwardi. Herein Titbufl 



E UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 




ItbuU'i by the mmatea when they establish 
Ivet in that place of contcmpiation for the 
their days, by far the greater and more 
part belongs to the ladies. I may cliita 
noLir o£ having either crossed the threshold, 
xd in at the door, of every one of the nine 

and 1 have noticed that they ire all particu- 
Lhe article of bedsteads, and maintain favourite 
lug-established bedsteads and bedding as a 

part of th&r rcst. Generally an atitiquaCcd 
of drawers is among their cherished posscs- 
a tea-rray always is. i know of at least two 

in which a little tea-kettle of genuine 
led copper, vies with the cat in winking at 

; and one old lady ha^s a tea-urn set forth in 
D the top of her cheat of drawers, which sim 
, us her library, and contains four duadecitno 
!8, and a blact- bordered newspaper giving an 
It of the funeral ol Her Royal Highness the 
Is Charlotte, Among the poor old gentle- 
here are no such niceties. Their furniture 

air of being contributed, like some obsolete 
y Miscellany, " by several hands ; " their 
flirs never march ; old patchwork coverlets 
among them j and they have an untidy habit 
jing their wardrobes in hat-boxes. When I 
me old gentleman who is rather choice in his 
rushes and blacking-bottle, I have summed 
domesric elegances of that side of the build- 

ihe occurrence of a death in TitbuH'a, k is 
bly agreed among the survivors — and it is the 
ibjcct on which they do sgrce — that the de- 
did aomething ** to bring it on.'* Judging 
ibull's, I should say the human race need 
die, if they took. care. But they don't tike 



i 

atntlf' 



36S THE UNCOMMERCWL TRAVELLER 

care, and they do die, and when they die io Tlibdl't 

They are buried at the cost of the Foimt^i' 

Some provision has bwu made for the purpow 

rwirtue ot" which {I record tliis on the btrcDgtl 

Ijflving seen the funeral of Mrs. Qiiinch) a 

[ Jieighbauring undertaicr dresses up Jour of ilie ■ 

jlAicn, and four of the old women, husdes then 

LfcitQ a pracqssjon of four couples, and leads off 

uii-iih a large black bow at the back of his hat. lock' 

[Ing over his shoalder ai them airily trom time w 

time to sec that no member of the party hai got 

lost, or has tumbled down ; as if they vrcrc * 

company of dim old doils. 

I Resignauon of a dwelling is of very nrci 

lieutTCDce in Xilbull'si A alory doej obtain ll 

liiow an old lady's son once drciv a prize of 'I'l 

["Thousand Pounds in the Lottery, and present 

lidrove to the gate in his own carriage, with Kr 

httnrna playing up behind, and whiskid his 

away, and left ten guineas for a Feast. But T 

been unable to aubsnantiate it by any evidence, asS 

regard it as an Alms-Houde Fairy Talc. Ii ii 

Iturious that the only proved case of resjgnatiofl 

|4tappened within my knowledge. 

I it happened on thb wise. There is a 

I tompeiition among the ladies respecdng the 

[«y of their visitors, and I have so often obj 

[ivisitors to be dressed hs for a holiday orcasion,^ 

I I juppoie the ladies to have besought ihei 

I ma-kc all possible display when they come. 

kihcse circumstances much excitement was one 

[tnccasioned by Mrs. Mitts receiving a visit fiti| 

I G^ccn^vich Pensioner. He was a PeiuiODcrl 

I ;bIufF and warlike appearance, with an empty d 

!sleeve, and he was got up with unusual care| 

c«ii-buttun« were extremely biigbt, be won 



eve in a graceful festoon, and he had 
■stick ID Mft hand that must have cost 
fVhen, with the head of his walldng-srick, 
d at Mrs. MjtEs'e door — Ehcre are nO 
H TitbuLl's — Mrs. Mitis was overheard 
■door Beighboiir to ulter z cry of smprbe 
JDUch agitddoD ; dtid the aamc Dcigh- ' 
ifiervuu-ds jolemnl}' aStrm that when he^ 
ted bto Mrs, MJtts's room, she heard & 
[card a smack which Wits not a b?ow. 
WM an air about thia Greenwich Pcn- 
in he took hia departiire^ which imbueci 
'» with the conviction that be was cotn- 
He wss eagerly looked fof, and Mrs, 
dosely watched. In the meanrimc, if 
rould have placed ihc uDforrunatc six old 
at a grcaier disadvantage than that at 
f chronically stood, it ivould have been' I 
ion of this Greenwich Pensioner- They! 
shrunken already, but they thrunk to' 
comparison with the Petisiotier, Even' 
old gemlemcn themaclvci seemed con- , 
heir inferiority, and to know subinisaivcly^t 
could never hope to hold their owii ' 
Pensioner with his warlike and mar^time^ 
in the past, and his tobacco inoDcy in'l 
it : hio chequered career of blue water, 
Dowder, atid red bloodshed for England'J 
beauty. 
three weeks \¥erc ont, the Pensioner re-* 

Again he knocked at Mrs. Mitts's door*] 
liandic of his stick, and again was he ad-M 
lot not again did he depart alone; &rj 
li, in a bonnet identified afi having beea I 
ihed, went otit walking with him, anc 
j3I the ten o'clock beer, Greenwich lime.'' 



^70 THB UNCOMMERCIAL Ti 

There was now a mice, even s 
waters of Mrs, Saggers''s pail ; ootl 
of anipng the ladies but the conduci 
and lis blighting uifluence &□ thi 
.TitbulPs, Ir was agreed that Mr. 
to take it up," and Mr. Battena wa 
witH Gti the subject. That uasauEfi 
j^pUcd " that he didn't see his vi 
was unanimoualy voted by the lid 
tion W3S in hia nature. 

How ic came to psas^ With wmi 
incotisiatency, that Mr&, MittS wai 
ladies and the Pensioner admired \ 
matter* not. Before another wC' 
bull's waa startled by another pli 
ten o'clock in the forenoon app< 
lainJng not only the GreenwicJi 
DTie arn;, bjt, to boot, a Chekea 
one leg. Both dismounting to ai 
into the cab, the Greenwich Pem 
company inside, and the Chelsea Pc 
the box by the driver : his wooden 
after the mamicr of s. bowsprit, 
homage to his friend's seagoing cai 
equipage drove away. No Mn, 
that night. 

What Mr. Battens might have i 
ter of taking it up, goaded by thi 
of public feeling next morning, WJ 
another phenomenon. A Truck, i 
Greenwich Pensionei- and the Chi 
each pladdly smoking a pipe, al 
warrior breast against the handle. 

The display c^n the part of ihe ( 
uoner of hia •• marriage- lines," an^ 
ment that himself and hiend had li 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 37J 

fomitare of Mrs. G. Pen&ioner, late MittSj by no 
means reconciled the lzdie» to ihe conduce of thciC] 
U3ter ; urv die contrary, it ia said that they ap-r* 
peared more thm ever exasperated. Nevertheless, 
myatray visits to Tiibull's since the date of this oc- 
currence, have ctjnfirmed me in an imprcssian that 
il was a whcilcsome fiUup. The nine ladies are 
smarter, both in mind and dress, than they used to 
be, though it must be admitted that they despise 
the six gentlemen to the last extent. They have a 
much greater intcreat in the external thoroughfare 
too, than tiiey had when 1 first ktiew Titbull's. 
And whenever I chance to be leaniQg my back 
sgAinst the pump or the iron railings, and to be 
talking to oas of the junior ladles, and to sec that 
a Hush hss passed over her face, I iramediately 
know witbcut looking round that a Greenwich 
'^tmoner ha^ gone past. 




Chapter XXVIII 

THE ITALIAN PRISONER 

SHE riamg of the Jralian people from under their 
unutterable wrongs, and the tardy burst of 
day upon them after the long long night of oppres- 
sion that has darkened their beautiful country, hnvt 
naturally caused my mind to dwell often of late on 
my own small wanderings in Italy. Connected 
with them* is a curious little drama, in. which the 
character I myself sustained was aa very subordi- 
nate that I may relate its story without any fear of 
being suspected of self-display. It is strictly a true 
story. 

I am newly arrived one summet evewiw^^ico,* 



37* THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



crruui tmall town on the Mediterranean. I 
liad my dinner at the inn, and I and the int 
toes are commg out into the atrcets togcUier. 
far from Naples ; but a bright browB plump 
ivoman-aervatit at the inn, is a Neapolitan, 
so vivaciously expert in pantomimic action^ thit lif' 
the single moment of ansivering my request to hiw 
a pair of shoes cleaned which I have left up-itain, 
■he plicj imaginary bniEhcs, and goes comple 
through the tnodons of polishing the shoes up, 
laying them at my feet. I smile at the brisk 
[■woman in perfect aatisfaccion with her brial 
and the brisk little woman, amiably pleased 
me because I am pleased with her. claps her hi 
and laughs delightfully. We arc in the inn 
Aj the little woman 'i bright eyes sparkle on' 
cigarette I am smoking I make bold to offefi 
one ; she accepts it none the le^i merrily, becai 
touch a most cbarming little dimple in her fat cl 
with its. light paper end. Gittncing up at the! 
green lattices to assure herself that the mist 
not looking on, the litde woman then puts herl 
Jitlle dimple arms a-kimbo^ and stands on tiptC 
Ijghi her cjgarette at mine. " And now, dea 
«r," sayA she, puSing ont smoke in a mosiinnc 
and cherubic manner, "keep quite straight on.l 
the first to the rights probably you will lec 
standing at his door." 

I have a commission to " him/' and I have 
in<]uiring about him. 1 have carried the cor 
aion about Italy several months. Before I 
England, there came to me one night a certain 
crous and gentle Engllih nobleman (he Is dcs 
these days when I relate the story, and exiica 
lost their bcjl British ti"icnd), with this re^^ocw: 
" Wheaerver you come to luch a town, will yvt \ 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 373 



fe UN< 

^Bt one Giovanni Carkvero, ivhin keeps a little 
C-shop there, mendon my name to bun sud- 
,K, aiiJ ubserve how it affects hiin?" [ ac- 
led the trust, and nm on my way to discharge k. 
Tie sirocco baa been blowing all day, and ic is 
koi unwholesome evening \vi:li no cflol sea- 
iei£, Mcjsqiiitoes and fire-Eiea are lively enough, 
I most other creatures are fkinl. The coquettish 
( ef pretty young women in the tiniest and 
tWest of dolh' straw hat&, who lean out at 
ncd tatdce bUad^, are almost the only airs atir- 
(. Very ugly imd haggard old women with 
afi?, and With a grey tow upon them chat looks 
f they were spinning out their own hair (I aup- 
c they were once pretty, too, but it is very dif- 
It to believe ao), sit Dn the footway leaning 
inst house walls. Everybody who has come for 
Sr 10 the fotmtiUD, sisys there, and seem^ ia- 
■hle of any such energetic idea as going home, 
^ers are over, though nor at> long but that I can 
ill the heavy resinous incense as 1 pass the 
rch. No ipan seems to be at work, save the 
persmith. In an Iralian town he h always at 
fk, and always thumping in the deadliest 
tmcr. 

keep straight on, and come in due ttmc lo the 
; On the right ; a narrow dull street, where I see 
tU-favourcd man of good stature and military 
ring, in a great cloak, standing at a door. 
Iwing nearer to this threshold, I see it is the 
ahold ot" a small wine-shop ; and I can just 
te out, it] the dim light, the inscription that it is 
ly Giovanni Carlavcro. 

h my hac 10 the figure in the cloak, and 

and draw a stool to a little tabic, Ttvt 

mr tuch aaotha- as they dig ou\ D^Ycrw^eS^ 



374 "^HE UNCOMMZRCIAL TRAVELLEI 

is iighT?di but the pUce U empty. Tbe &|a 
tbe cloak has followed me iiii and ituidi 
me. 

"The master?" 

*' At your icrvice, sir." 

" Please to give roc a glass of the wiae i 
coimtry." 

He turns to a litde counter, to get it. 
striking fae? is pale, and his acdoB is cvideocl; I 
of ao eofecbled man, 1 remark tliat i Tear 
been ill. It is not roach, he com-ceoii&ly 
gravely answers, though bad while ic lain: 
iever. 

As he leti the wine on the little table* i 
manitcit surprise I lay my hand on the back 
'leok him in die face, and say in a low voice; 
uxi an Engliihmati, and you £t^ acqualnccii 
friend of mine. Do you recrjUect — — ?" 
mendoEcd the name of my generous couniryi 

insiHiitlv, he utters a loud cry, burstj m:o 
and falit on bis knees at my feet, cluaping 
in both his anus and bowing hh head 
ground « 

Some years ago, this man at my feet, 

l-ovcr-fi-aughi heart i& heaving as if it would! 

\&om ha breast, and whose tears are wet 

(•dress I %X'ear, was a galley-slave in the Noct! 

Italy. He was a political offender, having 

concerned in the then la^t rising, and wuacot 

10 imprisonment for lii'c. That he would 

died in liis chains, is certain, but for the cii 

|jltance tbat the Englishman happened to vtii^ 

iion. 

It was one of the vile old prisons of Italy, 
wrt of it was below the waters of the 
The place of Im co^'nTLCTneat. "wia aa 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 37$ 



jimd and undcr-watcr gallery, with a grill- 

tht eiitrance, through which it received such 

id air as it got. Its condition was inaufier- 

jul, and a stranger could hardly breathe 113 it, 

in it with the aid of a torch. At the upper 

this dun^on, and consequently in the worst 

jn, as being the furthest removed from light 

r, the Englishman first beheld him, sirring on 

in bedstead to which he waa chained by a 

; chain. His countenance impressed the Eng- 

In as having nothing id common with the 

I of the malefactors with whom hs was asaoci- 

ind he talked with him, and learnt how he 

[to be [here. 

ben the Englishman emerged from the dread- 
en into the Hght of day, he aaked his con- 
ihe governor of the jail, why Giovanni 
cro was put Into the worst place? 
lecause he is particularly recammendcd," waa 
ingest answer. 

tecomm ended, that it ta vSy, for death ? " 
Izcuse me; pardcalarly recommended," w^s 
|:Jie answer. 

[e has a bad tutnour in his neck, no doubt 

mud by the hardship of his miserable life, 

continues to be neglected, and he remains 

he is, it will kill him." 

Ucuse me, I can do pothing. He is particu- 

r« commended." 

Englishman was staying in that town, and 
« to his home there ; but the figure of this 
lincil to the bedstead made it no home, and 
red hia ra: and peace. He was an Engllsh- 
>f an ejctraordinBrily tender heart, and he 
not bear the picture. He wcnv bacV xo ^V^ 
\graic; went back again and again, ib.AX'^Vs^ 



rHE UNCOMMEKCIAL TRAVI 



to the inan Atid checTML luffl. He H9id 

trnfiucncc to get the nun nndiuned Aoi 

cttad, were it only &>r ever so short a I 

davj and permitted to come to the grati 

s long dme. but the Englishman's statLo! 
dianctcr, and steadiness of purpose, m 
podnon so lar, md that ^ce wm at ksi 
Through the bars, when he could thi 
^poo the tuiaoWf the Engliskmwi lance 
did weil, and healed. His itrong itite 
prisoner had gmtly iccreased by this tii 
formed the desperate resolution thxt hev 
bi£ utmost 9e£f-devotion and use his utn 
to get Carlavero pardoned. 

If the prisoner had been a brigaud 
derer, if he had commiucd every non-pol 
in the Newgate Calendar and oqt of 
would have been easier than for a it 
court or priestly inAuence to obtain 1 
As it was, nothing could have bcea Bit 
Italian authorities, and English atithoritii 
interest with than, alike s;ssurcd the ] 
that his object was hopeless. He met 
ing but evasion, refosal, and ridicule. 
cal prisoner became a joke in the plat 
cBpedally observable that English Cirn 
and English Society on its travels, wen 
oua on the subject as Circumlociitio* i 
may be on any subject without loss of c 
the Englishman possessed (and proved 
hii life) a courage very uncomroon am' 
had not the least fear of being conatdt 
in a good humane csuae. So be wen 
icndy trying, and trying, and trying, t 
vaimi CarUvero out. The pnaoner 
rigorously rc^chaincd, after the tumour 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 577 



fas not likely thiat his miserable life could 
Iqng. 

day, when all the town knew about the 
laa and his poliut^l prisoner, there came 
; Englislunan, a CCKain sprightly Italian Ad- 
jof whom he bad some knowledge; and he 
lis strange proposal. " Give me a hundred 
to obtain Carkvero'a release, 1 ibitik I 
hitn a pardon, with that money. But t 
Ot tell yt>u what 1 am going to do with the 
cy, nor must you ever ask me the question ii 
ccecd, nor must you ever ask me for ati ac- 
t of the money if I fail," The Engli5hmaD 
fd to hazard the hundred pounds. He did 
heard not another word of the matter. For 
,year and more, the Advocate made no sign, 
once "cook on " in any way, to have 
bjcci on his mind. The Englishman was 
sUged to change his residence to another 
Jore fiunous town in the North of Italy. He 
:d from the poor priaoner with a. sorrowful 
I, u from a doomed man for whom there was 
cicasc but Death. 

}» Englishman lived in his new place of abode 
her ba]f*year and more, and had no tidings of 
wretched prisoner. At length, one day, he 
ed from the Advocate a cool concise mya- 
notc, Co this effect. " If you still wish to 
that betielir upon the man in whom you 
ICC imerMted, send me fifty pounds more, 
link it can be ensured." Now, the English- 
id long settled in his mind diat the Advocate 
heanlesa sharper, who had preyed upon hiB 
ity and his interest in an unfnrmnatc sufferer. 
tit down and wrote a dry answer, giving 
Hvocate to understiind that he was wiser now 



I 



I 



than he hsd been jbrmerly, and that 
monev was citractablc from his pocket. 

He lived outside the cirj- gitcs, aoc 
two 6x)m the post-o£lice, and was ace 
walk into the city with his letters and pe 
himself. On a. lovily spring day, ivhcn 
WIS exqui&kely blue, and the sea Divine! 
tiful, he took his usual walk, carrying thi^L 
the Advocate id his pocket. As he wen 
his gcDtlc heart was much moved by the Ic 
of the prospect^ and by the thought of the 
dving prisoner chained to the bedstead, fo 
the universe had no delights. As he drcv 
and nearer to the city where he was to 
letter, he bccatne very uneasy jn Wb nun 
debated \vith himself, was it remotely ] 
after all, that this sum of fifty pounds conk 
the fetlow-CTcature whom he pitied so wx 
thr whom he had striven so hard, to lihert; 
was not a convcntiDnally rich Englishrra: 
far Irom that — but, he had a spare fifty pt 
the banter's. He rcaolved to risk it. 
doubt, God has recompciiscd him for the rei 

He went to the banker's, aud got a bi! 
amount, and encloEed it in a letter TO the fi 
that I wish I could have seen. He simpl)' 
Advocate that he was cjuiie a poor man, . 
he was sensible it might be a great weakncsi 
Id part with so much money on the fail 
vague B communication * hut, that there 
and that he praved the Advocate to mak< 
use of jl. If he did otherivise no good co 
come of it, and it would lie heav\- on his 
day. 

Within a week, the Englishman was 
breakfast, when he heard some supprei 




i 




UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 379 



,tion on the slaircasc. and Giovanni CariavetD 
into the room and fell upon ias breast, a fi-ee 

sciou9 of having wronged the Advocate ia 
n thoughts, the Englishman wrote him an 
Biid grateful Ictcerj avowing ihc fact, ind 
iag him to coniide by what means end 
h what agency he had succeeded io well. 
Advocate rcrurned for answer through the 
There are many things, as yuu know, ia 
a!y of oura, that are safest and beat not even 
of — &r less written of. We may meet 
da)', and then I may tell you wh^t you want 
>w; rot here, and now." But, the two 
did meet again. The Advocate was dead 
the Englishman gave me my trust ; and how 
an had been act free, remained as great a 
y to the Englighman, and to the roan him- 
it was (o me. 
, I knew this : — here was the man, ihia sultry 
OD his kneea at my feet, because I was the 
bmafi's friend ; here were his tears upon my 
here were hii aoba choking his utterance ; 
rre his kisses on my hands, because they had 
d the hands that had worked out ills release, 
id no need 10 tell me it would be happiness 
to die for hca benefactor ; 1 doubt if I ever 
ol, jterling, fervent gratitude of eoul, before 

was much watched and suspected, he said, 
id had enough to da to keep liimsclf out of 
U This, and hi£ not having prospered in his 
y aH*airs, had led to his having failed in his 
Dminuiiications to the Englishman for — as I 
imembcr the period — some two or three 
But, his prospecti were brighter, and his 



1 



I 



38o THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

wife who had been very ill had recorercd, ibII 
fever had left him, and he had bought > lirtle ' 
yard, and would I carry to his benefactor the! 
of its wine? Ay, that I would (I lold him' 
enthuBJum), and not a drop of it fhould be '■ 
or ioet ! 

He had caudously ctoeed the dcxir before! 
ing of himself, and had talked with such exce 
emotion, aod jn a provincial Italian so diffic 
understand, that I had int?re than once 
obliged to stop Mm, and beg him to hive 
passion on me and be slower and calmer, 
degrees be became so, and tranquilly wallted! 
with me to the hotel. There, I sat down bef 
went to bed and wrote a iaithful account of 1 
the Engtishman : which I concluded by sayirl 
I would bring the wine home, agaiiiBt any 
tics, every drop. 

Early next morning, when f came out 
hotel door to pursue my journey, I found jay 
waiting with one of those immcnac bottlea in whit 
the Italian peasants store their wine — a bottle 
ing gome hgli-dozen gallons— bound round 
basket-work for greater safety on the joume 
see him now, in the bright sunlight, tears of 
tudc in his eyes, proudly invidng my attentii 
this Corpulent bottle. (At the stject-corne 
by, tivo high-flavoured able-bodied moaii 
tending to caJk toge:her, but keeping their Uk 
eyes upon us.) 

How the bottle had been got there, did 
pear; but the difficulty of gctdng it into ih« 
shaclde vetturino carriage in which J was dcpl 
wa< so great, and it took up so much room vt\ 
Was got in, thai i cVtttei Vj i.\t. outside. Tl 
i saw of GiovMW CwNwao >n*\ >«* 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 381 

p.e town by the side of the jingling wheels, 
jny bsnd as I stretched it down from the 
fging me with a thousand last loving and 
neiaagea to his dear patronj, and hnaJly 
11 at the bottle as it reposed inside, with an 
b of its honourable way of travelling that 
tnd measure delightful. 
iow, what disquiet of mind this dearly-bc- 
i highly-treasured Bottle began to cost me, 
tnows. It was ray precious charge through 
our, and, for hundreds of miles, I never 
'my mind by Jay or by night. Over bad 
td they were ffiaiiy — i clung to it with af- 
6 desperation. Up mountains, J looked in 
I saw it helplessly dlling over on its back, 
fOli At inniinierable inn doora when the 
was bad, 1 was obliged to be put into my 
jctbre the Bottle could be got in, and was 
to have the Bottle lifted out before human 
d come near me. The Imp of the same 
[cept chat his associations were all evil and 
Dciationa were all good, would have been a 
rblesome travelling companion, f might 
ted Mr. Cruikahank as a aubject for a new 
m of the miseries of the Bottle. The Na- 
'emporance Society might have made a 
, Tract of me. 

■uspicions that attached to this innocent 
jreaily aggravated my difScuIties. U was 

apple-pie in the child's book. Parma 
K it, Modcna mocked it, Tuscany tackled 
n nibbled it, Rome refused it, Austria ac 
f Soldiers iuspected it, Jesuits jobbed it. I 
d a neat Oration, developing my inoffen- 
mtions in connexion with thia Boule^ Mvd 

it in ail ioflnity of gu^d.-V&\iM*v w^ »■ 



383 TU£ UNCOMMSRCIAL. TRAVBU 

multitude of town gates, and on every tlxiw 
angle, and rampart, uf a complett sysiem of 
cations. Fifty tiross a day, I get down tolu 
*n infuriated soldiery about ihc Bottle. T 
the fikhy degradation of the abject and vile 
States, I ttad as much diiGculty in working □ 
widi the BoEtIc, as if k ha.d bottled up a ec 
syatcm of heretical tlieology. In the N« 
country, where everybody was 2 fipy, a so 
prieat, or a lazzaronc^ the sharacless bcggil 
four dcnoitiinatiEns. incessantly pounced 
Botde Slid made it a pretext for eKtordng 
from me. Quires— quires do I Bay ? Rcai 
forms illegibly printed on whity-brown pap 
filled up about the Battle^ and it vgss the su 
more fEainping and sanding ihin I had Ci 
before. In consequence of which haze c 
pcrhap^i it was always irreguki, and alwts 
with dismal penalties of going back or doi go 
ward, which were only 10 be abated by tl 
crossing of a base hand, poked shirtless 
ragged uniform sleeve. Under all di5.coura^ 
however, J stuck to my Bottle, aind held €jt 
resolution that every drop of its contents 
reach the Bottle's destination. 

The latter refinement cost rac a scpaji 
of troubles on its dwd separate account, 
corkscrews did I see the mtllEary power b 
against that Bottle ; what gimlets^ apikn, 
rodsr gauges, and unknown tesrs and Lnscr 
At some places, they persisted in declaring 
wine must not be passed, without being OpC 
tasted i I, pleading to the contrary, used 
ffgue die question seated on the Bottle 
should open it in spite of me. In the 
ipant i>f ItAly more violent shrieidng, &c& 



■be ^y ^f'll\,^^\-''^^^' ^^ ^Abl=*«<i 






I 



^ THE UNCOIIMBRCtAX. TRAVSLLBB 



I 



Mmi wc xcpBred ikm^c, and went on 

A UiOOUBd npraeBUtioiu were made to 
Tim Ac Boole muR be ic& at thia pUce, or 
sad caQcd fbc ag^, I never vieldcd to one i 
tlKin, And BCTcr pvted bom the Bottle, on 
prcteacCj cocuidenaon, tbreat. or eno-eitv. I '■ 
no gdth ik any oScial receipt for ihc Bott]c, I 
bocim^ vraaldi mdoce me to accept one. 
aniMaiigeabte politics at Ust brough: me iiui 
Bottle, ttill muttifihint, tn Genoa. Thert, 1 
a tender and reluctaBt leave of him let a 
weelts, and coQxigned him to a trusty Engli&b 
lain, to be conveyed to the Pon of London by 
While tltc Bottle was on his voyage to £n{;Ii 
i read the Shipping tcteltigcnce as arjcipu»ly 
had beeD an underwriter. There was some Ks 
weather afier I cnyKlfhad got to England 
of Switzerland and France, and my nut 
misgave me that the Bottle might b* wrecl 
kit to my great joy, 1 received notice of tu'i 
arrival, and immediaicljr went down to 
Katharioe'^s Dodas, and found him in a itatt| 
hoEiourable captivity in the Cuitom Hoote. 

The wine was mere vinegar when I set it 
before :hc gcneroLS Englishman — probably it 
been gomcthing like vinegar when I took it upi 
Giovanni Carlavero — but not a drop of it 
•pilled or gone. And the EngUahtnan told 
with much emodon in Ms face and voice« thi 
had never tasted wine that seemed to him bo 
ind sound* And long aftcrwarda,, the Bottle 
his table. And the laai time 1 saw him i 
world :that trusses him, he toot me aride in a cr 
to MVj with hi» amubla smile : " We were 
Ian of yi>\> only to-da-j »t ^iw«i . *ai.\ " ' 



iB^i 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 38$ 

been there, tor J had eome Claret up in 
ivcro's Boctle." 



Chapter XXIX 

THE SHORT -T1M£R.S 



'ITHIN GO many yards of rMa Covent'^] 
garden lodging of mine, as vt^iihin so. 
ty yards of WestminsEer Abbey* Saint Paul'* 
Cathedral, the Houses of Patliament, the Prisons* 
the Courts of Jasticc, all the Jusrimtions that 

(ern the land, i can find — /nusf iiud, whether I' 
, or no — in the open streets, shameiu! iilE(a!lce% 
neglect of children, intolerable toleration of the 
CTTgendermeni: of paupers, idlers, thieves, races of 
Wretched and destriictjvc cripples both ill body and 
mind, a misery to diemsebxs, a misery to the com- 
munity, a disgrace to civilisatian, and an outrage oq 
Cbrisuanity, I know it to be a tact as easy ofl 
demonstration as any sum in any of the elemeniarjc 
rules of arithraedc, that if the State would begin in 
work and duty 3t the beginning, and would with 
the strong hand take those children out of tho 
atreers, whiJe they are yet children, and wiacly 
train them, k would make them a pan of England's 
gloryj not its «hamc — of England's strength, not iia 
weakness— =would raise good soldiers and Bailors, 
and good cirizens, and many great men, out of chq 
leeds of its criminal population. Vet I go on bear- 
ing with the enormity a& if it were nothing, atid I 
go on reatiing the Parliamentary Debates as if they 
were somethitig, and I concern myself iar more 

It one rail way -bridge across a public thoroughr 
thin about a dozen geneiauons oC Kio^ivi.-, 



386 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELl^R] 

ignorance, vrickcdness, prostitiirion, poverty, 
felony. I can sUp out at ciy door, in (tie 
hours ificranjf midBight, and, in one circiu: of' 
purlieus of Co vent-garden Market, can bchwli 
state of infancy and youth, as vile a& if a Boi 
tat upon the English ihrone ; a great police 
looking o a widi au thotity to dt> no more 
worry and hupt die dreadful veirnjn into cor 
and there leave ihem. 'Within the length ot'il 
streets I can find a woikhouse, tniETnanaged 
that du5I short-sighted obstinacy that its gi 
opportunities as to the children it receives are 
and yet not a &rth]ng saved lo any one. Botj 
wheel goes round, and round, and round ; andj 
cause it goes rouod-^so I am told by the 
authorities — -it goes well/' 

Thui I reficcted, one day in the WhJtsun 
Wst past, «5 I floated down the Thsmes imongj 
bridges, looting — not inappropriately — at the 
liat were hanging up at certain dirty u 
tiaok the drowned out, and at the numerom 
venjences provided to facilitate thdr tumbliin 
My object in that uncommercial journey 
up another train of thought, and it ran al- 
lows : 

"When I was at school, one of seventy boj 
wonder by what secret andcrstanding our »tM 
began to wander when we had pored over 
book:* for some hours. I wonder by whitj 
gcnuity wc brought on that confiiacd state of 
when sense became nonsense, when fij 
Wouldn't work, when dead languages wouJ 
construe, when live languages wouldn't be epol 
?hen memory wouldn't cotne, when dulnes* 
icarcy wouldn't gp- I canaot remember that 
ever conspired to be aVec^-y aft« SxiyMs.cT 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 3S7 



^^ particularly wanted ta be ituptd, and to have 
tRuhcd tkccs and hot beating heads, or to 6nd blank 
topcJessnees and obscurity this afternoon in what 
would become perfectly clear and bright in the 
£%8hness ai ta-morrow ttioming. We suiFered tor 
these things, and they made us miserable enough. 

Ker do I remember that we ever bound our- 
by any secret oath or Other solemn obligation, 
d the seata getting too diard to be sat upon 
after a certain time ; or to have intolerable twitches 

kLLT lega^ rendering nB aggressive and malicious 
those members ; or to be ttoiibled With a 
ar nneasinesa in oar elbows, attended with 
fisdc consequences to our neighbours ; or to carry 
two pounds ot lead in the chest, fouf pdiltids in the 
head, and several active blue-baccles in each ear. 
Yei» lor certain, we suffered under those distresses, 
V)d were always charged at for labouring under 
ihcm, as if we had brought them on, o( our own 
deliberate act and deed. As to the mental pordon 
of them being my own feiilt in ttiy own caEe~=-I 
eJiould like to ask any well-trained and experienced 
teacher, not to say psychologist. And as to the 
pibystcal portion — I shonld like to ask Professor. 
Owes.*' 

it happened that I had a small bundle of papers 
with me, on what is called the " The Half-Timc 
System " in schools. Referring to one of those 
papers I found that the indefadgable Ma. Cmad- 
ivicK had been beforehand with me, and hud 
idrcady asked Professor Owen : who had hand- 
lotnely replied that I was not to blame, but thai, 
being troubled with a skeleton, and having been ' 
constituted according to certain natural laws, ] and 
my skeleton were unfortunately bound by those 
kws — even in achoo] — and had com^itei «»js- 



388 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TBAVBLLER 



selves sccordingly. Much comforted by the 
Profisaor's being on my side, I read on to 
whether the indefatigable Mr. Chadwick 
, «p rtic mental pEtn of my afEicrions. I ft 
he had, and that he had gained on my behilfi 
Benjamin Brddie, Sib David Wilcie, S« W, 
ScoTTr and the common acnse of mankind, 
which I beg Mr. Chadwick, if ihia shoulJ m«i 
eye, to accept my warm acknowIedgoieiiW. 

Up to that umc I had retained a misgivuig 
the seventy unfortunates of whom I was one, 
have been, without knowing it, leagued tugctin 
the epirjt of evil in a sort of perpetual Guy Fi' 
Plot, to grope about in vaults wirh dark lani 
after a certain period ol continuoLia study. 
now [he tnis^iving vanished, and I floated on 
a quieted mind to see the HaJf-Timc Syiti 
action. For iha: waa the purpoie of my jo 
both by sieainbost on the Thaincsj and by 
dirty railway on the shore. To which last 
tion, I beg to recommend the legal me of co 
cngiae-fuel, rather than the illegal use of ccwl ; 
recommendation is quite disintercstrdj for I 
most liberaEly supplied with Email coal on 
journey, for which no charge was tjiaide. I 
not only my eyes, npsc, and ears filled* but mj 
and all my pockets, and my pocket-book^ sin 
watch. 

The V.D.S.C.R. C, (or Very Dirty 
Sm,all Coal Railway Company) delivered me 
to my destination, and J soon found the Half- 
System established in spacious premises, sod 
placed at my convenience and disposal. 

What would I see first of the Half-Time Sy 
1 choK Military Drill. " Atten — tion ! " 
atanily a huadred boys mood forth in the 



,^. bright, .-^■r^.'.r-i ■ 

^t Bn aie - Tis^y, ot lis ni .-feet uni- 

^ to be f°^'^^^S French troop^^ ^^ ^^^,,, 
^«^ r hS rT. part i-/^" jrben..clv«in*. 



^. rfttb UNCOMMERCIAL TSAVELUR] 



of boys: one, ihe first to spring inta {)»•■ 
outstripping al] ihe others, and resting on tbc' 
of the main -topmast in no rime. 

And now wc stood <3m to sea, in a mom 
manner ; the Skipper himself, the who!e CK»J 
Unccrnmerdal, and tU hands present, itnph' 
believing chat there was not a moment to Icj«,1 
the wind had that instant chopped round 
sprung up feir, and that wc were away on a' 
Bgc round the world. Get all sail upon tier! 
c will, my lads ! Lay out upon the main-' 
there ! Look alive at the weather caning ! O 
my boys ! Let go the sheet, now ! Stand 
the braces, you [ Wich a will, aloft there ! 
starboard watch ! Fii'er ! Come ail, fifcr, 
give 'cm a tunc! Forthwith, springs up lifo 
in hand — smallest boy ever seen — big k 
temple, having lately iailen down on « psirjng 
—gives 'em a tune with all his might and 
Hooroar, filer ! With a will, my lads ! Ti( 
a livelier one, fiier! Fifer tips *cm 8 livelic 
and excitement incrcaBcs. Shake *ein oatj 
lads I Well done ! There you have her! 
pf etty ! Every rag cpon her she can carry,' 
right as:arn, and ship cutting through the 
iiAeen knots an hour I 

At this, favourable moment of her voyage, 
the alarm " A man overboard ! *' (on the 
but he was immediately recovered, none the 
Presently, I observed the Skipper overboarc: 
forbore to mention it, as he seemed in no ■ 
disconcerted by the accident. Indeed, 1 
came to regard the Skipper ai an amphibioiMl 
ture, for he vsaa so perpetually plunging ov« 
to look tip at the haTkds aloft, that he waa ofie 
the bosom of tht ocein i\xixi oa 4tOt, 



E UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELL.ER 39I 

crew on those occasions was delightful^ and 
nvenuonul urantclligiWjUty of his ordera in the 

uttcommercjal Und-Iubbers and lobloi!/ boya, 
they were always intelligible 10 the crew, 

xdiy le&s pleasant. But we couldn't cxp?ct 
on ia this way for ever ; dirty weather came 
d tiien worse weather, and when we least 
rd it we got into tremendous difficuldci. 

loose in the chart perhaps — aomcthing cer- 
iwrong somewhere — but here we were widi 
rs ahcsd, my ladlii, driving head on, slap on a 
ore ! The Skipper broached this terriiic an^ 
pment itii such great a;gitadoi), cha: the smaU 
|oc lifeing now, but standing looking on near 
lecl with his fife uuder his arm, seemed lor 
oment quite unhoyed, though he speedily re- 
d his presence of mitjd. in the trying cir- 
inces that citsued, the Skipper and the crew 

Worthy of one another. The Skipper got 
plly hoiirsc, but otherwise was master of the 

in. The man at the wheel did wondera ; all 
(except the fifer) were turned up to wegr 
and I observed tliic fifcr, when we were at 
icatest extremity, to refer to some document 

waistcoat- pocket, which 1 concaved to be 
|1. I thitik she struck. I was not myself 
Dus of any collision, but J aaw the Skipper 

' often washed overboard and back again, 

could only impute it tu the beating of the 

J am not enough of a seaman to describe 
iDceiivrea by which we were saved, but they 
the Skipper very hot (French poliihlng his 

ny face) and the crew very nimble, and 
dcd to H marvel; for, wit:h]r a few minutes 

first alarm, we had wore ship and ^ot K« 
(/ were ill 3-:auro — whicTrv 1 ft\i \ct->j ^teslfei. 




made all ship-shape and hant 
voyage endfd. When J complir 
at puting on his exertions and 
crew, he informed me that the latcer 
for the worst, all hands being tai 
dive ; and he added that the al: 
main-topmast truck eapeciaUy, 
u he cDu!d go high. 

The next adventure that befell ' 
the Short-Timera, was the sudde 
militarj' band, 1 had been inspc? 
moclcs of rhc crew ol the good shi 
with astonishment that acveraJ music 
brazen and of great size* appeared 
developed tw^o legs each, and to 
yard. And my astonishment wasj 
I observed a large drum, that ha 
leanbg hclpfess against a wall, 
position on four legs. Approaching 
lookiag over it, I found two bays jji 
miich for onel. and then I fdfl 



I UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 393 

alcce Doodle, and wc finished, as in loyal 
mnd, with God Save the (^ueen. The 
aroficicney was perfectly wonderful, and it 
; at all wonderful that the whole body cor' 
pf Short-Timers listened with faces of the 
interest and pleasure. 

', happrntd next arnong the Short- Timers ? 
lie band had blown me into a great claw- 
at of their brazen tubes, /> a great claaa- 

found mysdf row, with the wholc choral 
" Short'Timerg singing the prmscs of a sum- 
iiy to the harmonium, and my small but 
cspectcd friend the ftlcr blazing away vo- 
I if he had been saving up lii& wind for the 
clve^monthj also the whole crew of the 
lip Nameless swarming up and down the 
I if they had never swarmed up and down 
jng. This done, we threw otir power into 
ess the Prince of Wales, and blessed his 
iighnesa to such an extent that, for my own 
[TCrcial part, I gaapcd again when It wai 
The moment this was done, wc formed, 
rpassing freshness, into hollow squares, and 
fork at oral lessons, as if wc never did, and 
er thought of doing, anything elae. 

veil be drawn over the self-committals into 
the Uncommercial Traveller would have 
ttraycd but for a discreet reticence, coupled 
1 air of flbaolute wisdom on the parr of that 
aronagc. Take the square of five, multiply 
ftcen, divide it by three, deduct eight from 

four dozen to it, give me the result in 
ind tell me how majiy eggs I could get for 
pe fanhings apiece. The problem is hardly 
rvhen a dozen small boys pour om %t<.%V4«:\. 
idc, some very nearly right, %vmz n^^stV*^ 



TRAVELLER 




atxvrmcy, u at ciicc| 
ben been <ircppe<i^ 
Done are qtiiicj 
: tfidk bemnng ibc bi ~ 
» process of inl 
accidental bump on! 
noK m m ciaKestTtnoT) rf 
Umwuf kwwuU*. frieod ( II' be ' 
■e » cd biM «D) ckc ter. \Vltli right i 
f taaeamd a tokat oi' being inspired nitbi 
^•wi ««h ^^ I9 fbrcntost, the gfer ' 
pwv: ifea ivcxQi both arm and kji' 
^i^x-BBfaaik vvsa the next pos^r. 1i 
■■c oc dsce^ BHli^ily it by BerCD» dJiid 
r* aiM klqr *d k, take ihincec b-om jc, 
hf tiH^ <kiiAle k, give m? die KiuLt^ 
~fcacc,nd aiT how may balt-pencc. WIkuI 
■uHj<jm h die fear feet of performer on ihe 
i qifBoa ch fco tk«i iftSTrunMitt. vvho^e right grmi 
•OBMlf ^ycjia , bkI quenchu this arithmetical 
Tcfi mc KODCtluBg about Great Briiain, tcH 
jBDodhJiie about ia principal productions, tell 
■boot its porta, cell tne soiretiiing 
5^ hkI nren, tell me scmetHing about < 
iron, couon, tjinbcr, tin, and EnrpcntiRC. Tbc 1 
low MfUKTc bristles with cxteniicd right aririi 
crcr (iithfu] to fact is the fifer, ever ivisc a thc| 
pent IE the pcribnncr on that iitstniment, 
pramipentljr buoyant and brilliant are all men 
of the band. I observe the player of the evi 
to dash at a sounding answer now and then 
than noi cut in at all ; but i take that to be in] 
way of his instrument. All these quest'ujm.l 
many such, arc put on the Epur of the mc 
Mmi hy one who ha* Pevcr examined these 
Tbt IJncoinnicrcu\> 'itviVw4 \o »A4 vMyOB«t,< 



^miQ^ 



i tjNCOM^EERClA4L TRAVELLER 395 

emancja how many birthdays t man born 
twenty- niiTcli of February will have had on 
lag hJB.fiitieth year? A genera] pcrccprion 
' and picfill insuntly arises, and the fifer 1$ 

retire behind the corduroys of his next 
lura, as perceivitig Special necessity for col- 
himseli and communing with ins mind. 
hile, the wisdom of the serpent suggests chat 
a will have had only one birthday iJk all 
18, lor how can any man have more than 
ing ihac he is born once and dies once ? 
ashang Uncommercial Etands corrected, and 

ihc formula. Pondering cubuca, two or 
iFTong answers are offered, and Cymbals 
up " Six ! " but doesn't know why. Then 
If emerging from hi& Academic Grove of 
ya appears the fifer, right arm extended* 
« ibrcmoat, bump irradiated. " Twelve, 
Pover!" 

feminine Shon-Titnera passed a similar cT- 
m, and very creditably too. Would have 
Btter perhaps, with a little more geniality on 
f of their pupil-teachcr ; for a cold eye, my 
friend, and a hard abrupt manner, are not 
means the powcrfij] engines that your in- 
• suppDacs them to be. Both girU and boys 
atccllenily, from copy and dictation ; both 
ooit; both could mend their own clothes j 
mid clean up everything abowt ihem in 
erly and akilliil way, the girla heving 
f household knowledge superadded. Order 
bod began in the songs of the Infant School 
! viiited likeveise, and they (vere even in 
varf degree 10 be found in the Nunery, 
he Uncommercia) walldng-mck wu t.u- 
" with arcJamarions, and v;>iertc '* ^t 







^ 



proved here ihw rightwn h6im 

leaming are more prolfitable thai 
that the pupils arc far quicker and 
yore. The good! Jnflueucca of mnaic 
body of children have likewise 
proved. Obvioujly another of 
vantages of the Short-Time ayslem- td 
good education is (he great diminutk 
and of the period of rirrtc over whii 
Tht last is a most importsnt consit 
parents are always impatieiii to pri 
dren's labotir. 

It win be objected : Firstly, thi 
well^ but apeciaJ local advantages 
lection of children must be nccessarf 
ceis. Secondly^ that this is all very » 
be very expensive. Thirdly, that thi 
well, but we have no proof of thi 
proof. 

On the first head of local a:dvs 



lat uu 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLKR 397 

On the sccood head of expense. Would six- 
pence i week be considered a very Isi^e cost for 
ihc cducauon of each pupil, indiidjng all salaries 
of teschers and rations of teacticrs ? Bui juppos- 
isg the cost were not sixpence a weelci doe ^ve- 

pCncC? It is FOi;]ir£«CE- HALFPENNY. 

On the third li^d of no pfoof, sir, no prooi^ 
Is there any^ proot in the fkcLs that Pupil Teachers 
more in ntimber, and moie highiy qualified, have 
becD produced here under the Short-Time system 
than under the Long-Timc system? That the 
Short-Timers, in a writing compcnuan, beat the 
Long-Timer» oH" a first-class National School? 
That the sailor-boya are in such demand for 
tnertrhant sMpi, that whereas, before they were 
trained, 10/. prcmimn used to be givci] wjth each 
boy — too often to some greedy brute of a drankeo 
«kipper, who disappeared before the term of ap- 
inceahip was om, ii" the ill-used boy didn't — 
jtaina of the best charaL-tcr now take these boys 
re than wiiUngly, (vith no premium at all ? 
It they are also much esteemed in die Royal 
(vy, which they prefer, " because everything is 
kiieat and clean and orderly " ? Or, is there any 
>f in Naval captains writing, "Yoor little ^1- 
are all that I can desire*'? Or, is there any 
jf in ?uch testimony ag this : " The owner of 
lel called ait the school, and £sid that as his 
was going down Channel on her last voyage, 
|th ORC of the boyj from the school on board, the 
M said, ' It would be as well if the royal were 
fcred ; J wish it were down.* Without waiting 
any orders, and unobserved by the pjlot^ ijic 
whom they had taken on board from the 
>1, instantly moLntcd the mast and lowered the 
], »nd at the next glance of the pilot, w i^ht mux- 



1 

I 

I 



I 



398 THE UNCOMMERCIAl, TRAVELLEBJ 

head* he perceived that tlie su! had been [et 
,He eiclauncd, 'Who's dooc that job?' 
^■owner, who was on boards said, * That was , 
LKttlc fellow whom I put on board two diys : 
The pilot immediately said, ' Why, where couW 
have been brought up J ' That boy haii MviT i 
the sea or been on a real ship beibre ? " Od 
there any proof in ihese boy$ being in greitcri 
mimd fot Regimenta.! Bands than the Utitooi 
iineec? Or, in ninety-eight of ihem having 
into Regimental Bands, in three years/ OrJ 
XTveIre of them being in the band of one rcgicnl 
Or, in the colonel oi Ehgc fcgimcnl writing, 
want six more boys; they arc excellent ladi"!' 
Or, in one ot the boys having risen to be 
corporal tD the same regiment? Or, in cmplo 
of al! kinds chorusing, '• Give us drilled boy* 
they arc prompt, obedient, and punctual " ? 
proofs I have myself beheld with these Uns 
ftiercia] eves, though I do not regard myje 
having a right to relate in what sodat positiontl 
have seen respected men and women who 
once pauper children of the Stepney Union. 

Into what admirable loldiers others of thetei 
have the capabilities for being ttimed, I nee 
point out. Many of them are always tmbid 
of military serrJce ; and once Upon a time 
, «n old boy came back to see the oM pll 
' ravalry sDldier all complete, wit/: hii ipun m, 
S yearning broke out to get ihtO cavalry rcg^T 
and wear those sublime appendages, that it wa| 
of the greatest excitements ever known ii; 
school. The girls make excellent domeitjc^ 
■nr& and at ccwain periods corrc back, a 
two at a time, to see the old building, and 
tea ti'irh the old teacV«%»atiA to View ^:ti*i ^< 



m^m^^ 



old ship with her masn towering up 
^ neighbouring roots and chimneys. As to 
ical heulih of' these schools, it is so tx- 
[y remarkable (simply because the sanitary 
IP arp as g-acd ag the other cducatiqjia! »T- 
tta), that when Mr. Tufnell, the Iti- 
irat stated it in a report, he was supposed, 
f his high character, ta have been betrayed 
e extraordinary miMake or exaggeratioii, 
loral health of these schools — where cor- 
iJshmcnt is unknown— Truthfulness standi 
li'hen the ship was first erected, the boys 
bidden to go aloft, until the nets, which 

always there, were stretched a£ a. pre- 
Lgalns: accideota. Certain boys in their 
, disobeyed the injunction^ got out ot win- 
the early daylight, ajid climbed to the 
, One boy unfortunately fell, and was 
There was no clue to the others ; but all 

were aaacmbled, and the chairman of the 
dressed ihcm. " I promise nothing ; you 
a dreadful thing has happened ; you know 
grave offence it is that has led to such a 
Qcc ; I cannot say what will be done with 
dcrs ; but, boys, you have been trained 
ve al! things, to respect the truth. I wane 
Who are the delinquents ?" Instantly, 
e number of boys concerned, separated 
reat, and stood out. 

the head and heart of that gentleman (il 
B3 to say, a good head and s good heart) 
H deeply iniercated in these schools for 
UTS, and are so still ; and the cfltabliahmenT 
irtunate in 3 most admirable master, and 

the schools of the Steptiey Uidon canwsi 

to be w hat they are, without i,tve Si'te^'QeT 




TRAVELLBK 

ksfHg been cameEt ind 
•wah a sense of tiii 
jcf o£iiicQ can du 
a£ mcA an do ; and (bi: ii 
-i£«C^CT Bodies iind Unioiit, iii 
» :fe Scai£. followed, II 
it^ x» ^bffoeraent i>n bad piircu: 
•treeu cf ihe mot tcrri 
iglu «n:ii — tnyrisds of iltil 
Got SiTioar't 
« ^ ife ff'TiMitiiiii at' HeavCD, boi of 



F*fc 



ec SKh rejmch f Ah ! 
rtLy^ ittc child** ^^e : 

Wbr» wiW thai tw. 



Ml 



Chapter XXX 



A SMAU. STU Ut THE EAST 



H I HAD httn \ocA3ng,r ycsicmight. through 
1 Umoui^ Duice of Death," and jxt-dsty [hcj 
oU wtKxItrau sioie in my miud with the new 
m&cincc of « ghasUr iRODQ'.on]r not to be foui 

»thc ongifivl. The wfird tkclfton rattkd along 
•ertrts before me, and struct fiercdy ; but it 
never u the paiits of assuming a. dis^uiu. 
placed on no dulcimer here, was crowned with : 
iOwcTk, waved no plume, minced in no Sot ' 
robe or train, Hftcd no wine-cup, sat at no fo 
Cau no dice, counted no gold. Il was wmj 
bare, gauni, famithed Bkelcron, skying hu 
•long. 





UNCOMMERCIAL. TRAV£L,l.&fi 401 



borders of RatcUfF end Siepncyt east^'ud 

ipdon, and givjng on ihc impure river, were 
Ecenf d£ this uocompromising dance of death, 
in a diizzling November day. A squalid maze 
KCts, courts. And alleys of miserable houses 
ID single rooms. A wJldernees of dirt, rags, 
]ger< A mud-desert, chieily iiil:Labited by a 
fi-gm whom empioymeaC has departed, or [o 
mm it comc5 but fitfLilly and rarely. They arc 
; skilled meciunics ia any wise. They are but 
ourers,- — dock-labourers, water-side labourets, 
ll-portcrs, batlast-hciivcri, aach like hewera of 
od and drawers of water. But they have come 
D existence, and they propagate their wretched 
t. 

One grifly joke alone, methought, che Aktleton 
med to piay oif here. It had srucic election- 
!i on the walls, which the ivlud tad rain had 
ciiorated liito auitdble rags. It had eveu gummed 
the state of the poll, in chalk, on tlie shutters 
cue ruined houae. it adJLired die tree and in- 
icndeiit starvefa to vote ibr Thisman and vote 
Thatman ; not to plump, as (hey valued the 
c of paruea and the nauunal prosperity (both of 
at bnportaace to them, I think) ; but, by return- 
^liismati and Thatman, each naught without 
Btfier, to compound a glohoi^s and immortal 
Bt' Surely the skeleton is nowhere more cruelly 
licflJ in the ori^Dal monkish idea ! 
Pondering in my mind the far-seeing achcmcs of 
isman aud Thatman, and of the public blessing 
led Party, for staying the degeneracy, physical 
I moral, of many thousands (who ahall say how 
^y?) of the English race; for devi&ing employ- 

i useful to the community for those who want 
I work and live; for equalising ntct, cuid- 



4Q3 THKU'i^COMMERC&t'TnSAl^ 



msi 



vdting waste lands, feciluaring craigraDon, 
above zti tMngs, aaving and utilising the <m 
generations, and thereby changing ever-| 
nanonal weakness into airctigth : poodicriri 
mind, 1 say, these hopctul ejeenions, I rurnei 
a narrow Btreet to luok into a house of two, 

Ie was a dark street with a dead wstl 
side. Nearly all ihc outer doors of the 
stood open. I took the iirst entry, and Jut 
a parlour-door. Might I come in ? I nud 
plased» Gur. ^ 

The woman of the room (Iris^) had jmq 
some long stripa of wood, about some 
bar^e * and they had just now been thrust 
otherwise empty grate to make two iron 
There was sooie fish in one, and iherc w- 
potatQcs in the other. The flare of the 
wood enabled me to ecc a table, aiid a broi 
or ao, and some old cheap crockery 
about the ehlmBey-piece. It was not undj 
spoken with die womaji a few minutes, t 
a. horrible brown heap on the floor in a 
which, but for previous experience in i' 
wige, J might not have suspected id be •* t 
There waa something thrown upon i: ; tnd 
what that was. 

" 'Tis the poor craythur that stays h 
and 'tis very bad she is» and 'tis very 
been this long time, and ''tis belter shell ni 
and 'tis alape she does al] day. and *j 
does all night, and 'tis the lead, sot, 

"The what?" 

"The lead, snr. Sure 'tio the Irad-mil! 
the women geta took Dn at nghteen-pcnc 
BUT, when they makes applicauon caily ctioi 
i« I'»L-liy and wmiled ; imd 'tis lead-plioQcd 





UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 403 



id some of them gets Iciid'pisoncd soon, and 
iht of them geia lead-pisoned later, atid some» 
t not many, niver ; and 'us all according to rhc 
buitooshun, sLtr, and some constiEooshons is 
ong, and some is weak ; and her constitooshun 
Icad-pisoncd, bad as can be, sur ; and her brain 
coming oui s.1 her ear, snd it hurts her dreadful ; 
d that's what it iS|. and niver no more, and niver 
less, sur.*' 

The siclt yoiing woman moanhig herCj the 
taker bent over her, took a bandage irom her 
ad, and threw open a back door CO let in the 
ylight upon it, irom the smallest &nd most miser- 
Ic back-vard I ever saw. 

"That's what coonia froiii her, sur, being lead- 
loii>ed ; and ir cooirs from her night and day, the 
or, sick cravthur; and the pain of it h dreadful ; 
God be knows thai my husband has walked 
r«ta these four days, being a labourer, and 
ig them row, and is icady to work., and no 
|for him, and no fire and no food but the bit in 
n, and no more than ten shilli'ngs in a Ibrt- 
God be good to us \ and it is poor wc arc, 
|Uark it is and could i: is indeed." 
^Bowing that I could compensate myself thcfe- 
^for my self-denklj if I saw fit, I had resolved 
It I would give nothing in the course of these 
its. I did this to try the people. I may aiafe 
once that my closest observation could not detect 
IT indication whatever ot an expectation that I 
luld give money : they were grateful to be talked 
about their miaerable affairs, aJid sympathy was 
]y a comfort to them ; but they neither asked 
sncy in any case, nor shelved the least trace 
rise or disappointment or resentment Kt my 
none. "''»* " '^"^ 




wlk 




404 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVElXEi 



The woman's nutmed daughter had by Oui um { 
^coQie dowD &om her room tui the tlooi til- 
IJoin in die conversation. She herself Ji; 
to the lead-milU veiy early thar mornirij 
"took on," but had cot auc<:cedcd, Sht Ji. 
chJidr^n ; aijd her hu&bandj also a w^iicc-^iui;, 
labourer, aod then out seeking work, seemed inj 
better case as to fuidmg ii than her father. Shei 
English t and by nature of a buxom figure 
choeriul. Eoth in her poor draus and in 
mother's there was an c^or: to keep up soedg 
pcajaoce of nearness. She tnew all abouc the| 
&riag£ of the LinlortuBste invalid, and all abouC| 
lead- poisoning, and how the symptoma canoe i 
and how they grew, — having cftcr seen 
The very smcll whco you Stood inside the dc 
the works was utough to knock you down,] 
I nid : yet she was going back again la gcc 
on." What could she do? Better be ulcCB 
And paralysed tor ei^hieen^pence a day* wl 
lasted, than see the children atarve. 

A dark and Equalid cupboard in ihii 
touching the back door and all mannci' of ofTeiicr,' 
had been tor some time the sleeping place ot , 
sick young ivoman. But ibe nights being 
wintry, and the blankets and coverlets 
the having shop/' &hc lay all night where jli 
all day, and was lying then. The woman ofj 
room, her hu^bandf this most miserable paucut,) 
twici others, lay on the one brown heap lo^ 
for warmth. 

** God bless you, iir, uid thank you ! " wcrt 
pailiag words firom these people,— graieiuHyBp 
too, — -with which 1 left this place. 

!>aine streets away, 1 tapped at another 
'door on anotber gtound-flgor. Looking tn, I 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



lan, bis wife, tnd four children^ fitting at a 
tung-stool by way of table, at their dinner of 
d and infused tea-leaves. There was a very 
ty cinderous iire iii die grate by which ihey 
id there ¥va3 a tent bcJ&tesd in the rooni 
bed upon it and a coverlet. The man did 
when I were in, nor during my stay, but 
iciincd his head on my pulling off roy hat, 
answer to my inquiry whether I might ask 
jueacion or two, said, " Certainly." There 
window ai each end of thia roora> back and 
it might have been vcncilated ; but it was 
tight, to keep tJie cold one, and was very 
I, 

wiib, an intelligent, quick womaii> rose and 
td Hi bt^r hii5.baiid's elbow ; and he glanced up 
ler as If tor help. It soon appeared that he was 
Kr deaf. He was a slow, simple fellow of 
tn thirty. 
■ What was he by trade ? " 

• GeiitlemaD aska what are you by trade, John I '* 
' I am a boilertnater ; " looking about him with 
exceedingly perplexed air, as if for a boiler that 

unaccountably vanished. 

*He ain't a mechanic, you undentand> tir," 
wife put in ; " he's anly a labourer." 
'Are you in work ? " 

ie looked up at his wife again. " Gentleman 
(lire you in work, John i " 

• In work ! " cri«d this forlorn boilemiaker, 

K aghast at his wife, and then working kis 
way very alowly round to mc : " Lord, 
he ain't indeed ! " said the poor woman, 

head, at she looked at the tbur children 
ion, uid then at him. 



4o6 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVKU 



•« Work ! " ?aid the boilermaker, trill seeking^ 
evaporatfd boiler, first in my coumeDsncr, 
the air, and then in the features of Iiis sccooj 
el lijs Jcn« : *' I wish I ufsj in workl I 
had more than a day's work to do thi) 
weeks." 

"How have yoti lived?" 

A &int gleam of" admiration lighted up ilie 
of the would-be boilerroskcr, its he stmche 
tie short sleeve of his ihrcadbare canvas jac« 
replied, pcinUDg her out, " On the work 
wife." 

I forget where boilenuaEdug had gone 
where he supposed it had gone to ; but be . 
some resigned informauon on that bead, 
wiiJi an esrpTcssion of his belief thai it wa» i 
coming back. 

The cheery helpfiiluesj of the wiie wa» v« 
markable. She did slop-work; made pc»-j»i 
She produced the pea-jacket then in tucOi 
spread it ont opon the bed, — ^the only piece 
nitiire in the room on which to spread it. 
showed hoiT much of it she m^dc, and how ! 
was afterwards finished otF by the machine, 
cording to her calculauon at the moment, deii 
what her irimming cost her, she got Sat mik 
pea-jacket teopence half-penny, wid >he 
tnike one in something less than two daVA. 

But, you see, it come to her through two 
and of course it didn't come through t); 
hand for ni>thing. Why did it come in 
second hand at oil ? Why, this way. iJ 
ond herd took the risk of the gjvcn-out worl 
ie«, If she hod money enough to pay the 
ddpoait, — call it two pound, — she couM 
work &vm the iirGt hand, vnd vu the vecoDd 




COMMERCIAL TRAT 

ive td be deducted for. But, having na 
at all, clie second tiand come in and took 
it, and so the whole worked down to :en- 
tcc half-penay. Having explained all this witli 
ait iDtelligeiicc, even with wmc little pride, and 
hout a whine or murmur, she folded her work 
in^ aa[ down by her husband^B side at the wash- 
BKooI, And resumed her dioncr of dry bread. 
|h as th.e mesl w»s, on th« bare botird, with lu 
Btllipota for cup£, and what not oihti sordid 
KC'ShiJls ; shabby »s the woman was in drcas, 
I toning down towards the Bosjesman colour, 
Ji want of nutriment and WBsiiing, — -there was 
(cly a dignity jn her, 3S the tkmily anchor 
aiding the poor shipwrecked boilerinaker's 
When I left the room, the boilerraaker'a 
fere slowly turned tGwarda her, aa if hj^ last 
jf ever again accing that vanished boiler lay 
[dircciiDn. 

8c people had never applied for paji&h relief 
_ M ; and that was when the husband met with 
iblJng acddent at hii work. 
Kot many doors from here, I wmt into «. room 
the first floor. The woman apologised for its 
ing in "an untidy mesa." The day was Satur- 
ff ind she was boiling ibe children's clothes in a 
kcepan on the hearth. There was nothing else 
» which she could have put thetn. There was 

k:kcry, or tinware, or tub, or bucket. There 
. old gallipot or twp, and there was a broken 
or io> and there were some broken boxes for 
ia. The last smatE scraping of coaia left was 
ted together in a comer of the floor. There 
Be some rags in an open cupboard, also on the 
or. In a corner of the room was a crazy old 
bedstead, with a man lying on his back 



Bch bedstead, w 



40& THE UNCOMMERCIAL. TRAVELLKI 

upon ii in ft ragged pilot jadiet. xnd raogb oil 
fantail hat. The room was perfectly blut 
was difficult 10 believe, at first, that it wii nor 
poBcly coloured black, the walls were so bcgrii 

Ae I stood opposite the woman bojling the 
dren*B cIotiieB.^she had not even a piece of 
to wash them with, — and apologising for facr 
cupatJon, I could lake in all these thingB will 
appearing to notice them, and could even « 
my inventory. 1 had missed, at the fim g! 
some half a pound of bread in the otherwise* 
gale, an old red ragged crinoline hanpag a 
haodli of the door by which I had etitercd, 
certain fraginetita of rusty iron scattered oi 
floor, whicb looked like broken tools and a 
of 8trive-pipe. A child stood looking on. O 
box nearest to the Kre sat two younger chili 
one a dciicatc and pretty little creature, whcm 
other sometimes kissed. 

This woinan, like the last, was wofuUy jhabbjj'i 
was degenerating to the Bosjestnin comply 
But her figure, and the ghost of a certain vil 
about her, and the spectre of a dimple in her 
carried my memory strangely back to the oM 
of the Adelph] Theatre, London, when Mfl. 
william waft the friend of Victorine. 

" May I ask you what yonr husband hf'* 

" He's a coal-pprter, sir,"— with x glnct 
Ngh towards the bed. 
■ • Is he out of wort ? " 
' ^' Oh, yes, sir ! and work'a at all uma 
very scanty with him ; and now he's laid op. 

** It's my legs," said the man upon the 
" I'll unroll 'cm." And immediately begin. 

" Have yoB any older children i *' 

*' I have a daughter that does the nc«£De« 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 40^ 



have a son that doct what he can* She's at 
rork now, and he's trying for work." 
~>D they live here? ^' 

^Ucy aleep here. They can't afford to pay 
trcnt, and so they come here at nigh:. The rent 
hafd updl] us. Jt's rose upon us too, now, 
aence a week, — on account of these new 
ECi in the law, about the rates. We arc a 
bebind ; the landlord'e been shaking and 
tiling at that door irighrfully ; he says hell turn 
oat. I don't know what's to come of it." 
Th c m an u pon the be li rueiiil ly in terpossd , 
Here's my legs. The skin's broke, besides the 
telling. I have had » many kicks, working, one 
■y and another." 

He looked at liis legs (which were much dis- 
iteufcd and misshapen) for a while, and then ap- 
jaring to remember that they were not popular 
ith his &rily, rolled them up again, as if they 
In something iit the nature of maps or pEan^ that 
^K not wanted to be referred to, lay hopelessly 
Hri on his back once more with his iantail hat 
fer his face, and stirred not. 
** Do your eldest son and daughter jleep in that 
ipboard ? " 

** Yes," replied the wotnan. 
*• With the children ? " 

~|0f«. We have to get together for warmth, 
lave little to cover us.'^ 
[ave you nothing by you to cat but the piece 
sad ] see there ? " 

lothing. And we had the rest of the loaf 
breakfast, with water. 1 dtrn't know what'i 
Mof it." 
'Have you no prospect of improvement ? " 
** If ray eldest son esms anything tO'day, he'll 



I 



^ 



4IG THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



( t^ 




bring it home. Then wc thall have something to 

eat to-njght, and may be able to dn eomctliing to- 
wards the rent. If nor, I don't know wlal*» la 
come of ic.'* 

" This is a 8a.d stste of thinge." 

" Yes, sir ; it's a. hard, hard liie. Talc« care ofthe 
Bcairs as you go, sir, — they're broken, — and good 
day, sir ! " 

These people had a mortal dread of enteriog the 
workhouse, and received no oui-of-door relief. 

In aQocher room, in still another tecenic 
found a. very idecert woman with five chile 
the laar a baby, and »he herself a paticnr of 
pariah doctor, — to whom, her husband being in the 
hospital, the Union allowed for the support of her- 
self and family, four fihillinga a week and 6« 
loaves. I suppose when Thisman, M. P., nd 
Thatman, M. P., and liic Public-blcasing Pwtjr, 
lay their heads together in course of time, and 
to Eit equalisation of radng, she may go down, 
the dance of death to the tune of sixpence more. 

1 could enter no other houses for that ont wl 
for r could not bear the contemplation of the 
dren. Such heart as I had Giunmoned io k 
me against the miEcries of the adults failed 
when I looked at the children. I saw how youi 
they were, how hungry, how serious and still. 
thought of them, sick and dying in those lain. 
think of them dead without anguish j but to think 
of them so suFcring and ho dying quite uaminned 
me, 

Down by the fiver's bank in RatcIiS', 1 w.i* 

turning upw^ b)' a side-atreet, therefore, to r^tb 

the railway, whctt mv eve?. Tw^d on the inscrip* 

fion acra» the toii> " ^w. Vnii!At«v C'ti\*»«»;\ 

Htwpiul." I covi\d fccaiceV-jVi^t ttroTOWWon^ 



M 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 41! 



ter Buited to my frame of mind ; and I 
cross and wen: atraighi: in. 
mnd the children's hospital established in an 
U-loit or Gtorehouse, of the roughest nature, 
in the simplesi: means. There were trap- 
In the floors, where goods had been hoisted 
d down ; hcapy feet and heavy weights had 
, every knot in the well-trodden planking: 
'cntcxit bulks and beams and awkward stair- 
perpleied my passage through the wards, 
found it airy, sweet, and clean. Jn its seven 
Srty beds I saw but little beauty ; for starva- 
thc second or third gcneratioc takes 1 
id look : but I saw the RuFcrings both of in- 
y and childhood tenderly adsaaged ; I heard 
j^tle patients answering to pet playful names, 
ht touch of St delicate lady laid bare the 
aiickH of arms for me to pity ; and the 
ike little hands, as sbe did ao^ twined them- 
lovingly around her wedding-ring. 

baby mite there was as pretty as any of 

el's angels. The dny head was bandaged 

Vatcr On the brain ; And it w^as BufFering with 

bronchitis too, and made irom time to time a 

ivc, though not impatient or complaining, 

and. The smooth curve of the cheeks and 

chin was faultless in its cond^nsadon ofin- 

beaury, and the large bright eyes were most 

It happened as I stopped at the foot of the 

at theac eyes rested upon niiiic with that 

eipreasioti of wondering thoughttulnesa 

we all know sometimes in very little chil- 

They remained fixed on mine, and never 

frflm rrte while I «ood there. When the 

ice of that plaintive sound shook the little 

he gar,e sdll remained uRchanged. I felt » 



A 





THE UNCOMMERCLAX TRAVELLER 






though the chUdi hnplared me to tell the sttrrv «f 
the Hirle hospital Id which it was shekercd to mj 
gEDtle hcitrt 1 CQtild address. Laying my world- 
worn hsnd upon the little tminarkcrtl ciaspcd had 
at the chin, I gave it 2 sUcnt premise that ] n>oiild 
do so. 

A gentlemaT) and lady, a young hu^tumd ud 
•nifct have bought and lit:cd up this building for its 
present noble uje, and have quJedy iCEticd thcm^ 
■elves in it as its medical cfficers and dij-eci 
Both have had considerable practical experience 
medicine and surgery ; he as hoLse-surgcon of • 
great LondDn hospital ; ahe as a very caroeit 
fltudeiit, tested by severe examinationt and also u 
a nurs^e of the sick potir during the prevalcDce 
cholera. 

With every qualification to lure them away, 
youth and accompli sbmcnts and tasici and 
that can have no response b any breast near ih 
close begin by every repulsive circumstance 
separable from such « ndghbnurhood, there 
dwell. They live in the hospital itself, 
their taami are on ita £rat floor. Sitting « t! 
dinner-cable, they CDtild besr che cry of one of 
children in pain. The lady's piano, drawi; 
iDHteriala, books, and other such evidences of icfi: 
meni are as mijcb a part of the rough place u 
iron bedsteads of the little patients. They are 
10 shifts for room, lite passergers on board 
The dispenser of medicines (attracted 10 them 
bv Hclf-intcreit, bat by their own nia^eti&n] ami 
thai of their cnuse) ihept in a recess in ihc dining 
room, and has his washing apparatus in the sitiebovd. 

Their contented manner of making the best of the 
things around them, I found 90 pleasandji' inscpanhle 
Bom ihelr usehilnesf 1 Tlrveir '^nde in this ^anidni 



rCOMMERCm, TRAVBL'L'Eft 41^ 



put up aiirsclvE-s, or in that partiUon that we 
n, or in that other partition that wc moved, 
ilQvc that was given ub for the waiting-room, 
nightly conversicn of the litde consuluug* 
to a smoking-room J Their admiration 
tuation, if we could only get rid of its one 
pbie incident* the coal-yard at the back ! 
Dspital carriage, presented by a friendT and 
bl." Tha.t was my presentation to a pcr- 
r, for which a coach-houae had been dig- 
in a corner down-srairs, just large enough 
it. Coloured prints, in all stages of prep- 
l>r being added to those already decomting 
la, were plcntiliil ; a charming wooden 
Bon of a bird, with an impossible top-lcnot, 
eked his head when you b« a counter 
;oing, had been inaugurated as a public 
tt very tnorning ; and trotting about among 
t on familiar termj with all the patients, 
mical mongrel dog, called Poodles, This 
tlog (quite A tonic in himself) was found 
udcally starving at the door of the instiiu- 
wa* lakenin and fed, and has lived here ever 
In admirer of his mental endowments hai 
. him with a collar bearing the legend, 
lot Poodles by external appearances." He 
ily wigging his tail on b boy's pillow when 
this modest appeal to fOe. 
. this hospital was first opened, in January 
resent year, the people could not possibly 
but that somebody paid for the services 
: there ; and were diapoaed to claim them 
; and to find fault if out of temper. They 
le to understand the case better, and have 
:]«aised in gratitude. The mothers of the 
ivdl themselves vciy freely of the visiting 




a joUjr 
in his dinner, when I saw liirn. 

Insufficient food and imwhol' 
miin ca.u&ea of disease among th.es* 
So nouns hment^ clpanlincst, aisd 
main remediies. Discharged 
after, and inviced to cc^me uid 
BO are certain fHtnishing cfeatu 
patients. Both the lady and 
well acquainted, not only with 
patients gnd their femilies, but wS 
and circumstances of great numbcTi 
bours : of these ttiey keep a regul 
common tflpericnce, that people, ti 
inches into deeper and deeper povd 
it, even trom them, if possible, 
eilremity. 

The nurses of this hospital 
ranging, say, irom nineteen to fin) 

,ey have even within these n«M 
y vvell-cndowed hospitals wog| 



1 



ICOMMERCIAL TKAVBLLER 415 

ork waa needed. She Is a fair diess- 
e hospital cannot pay her as many 
he year as there arc inoDths in il j and 

lady regarded it as a duty to speak to 
cr impraying her prospects and ibllow- 
Ic. " No," she said ; she could never 

or ao happy elsewhere any more ; she 
jnong the children. And abe stays. 
curses, as I parsed hex, was washing a 
Liidiig her pleasant iace, J stopptd to 
IT charge, — a common, bullet-headed, 
large enough, laying hold of hia own 
ilippcry graep, ajid scaring very solemnly 
ikst. The melting of the pleasant face 
id smiles, as this young gentleman gave 
ed kick, and laughed at me^ was almost 
reviouB pain. 

mg play was acted in Paris years ago, 
« Children's Doctor." As 1 parted 
Edren's doctorj now in quesdon^ I aaw 

black necktie, in his loose buttoned 
:oat, in hia pensive tace, in i:he flow of 
r, in hia eyelashes. In the very turn of 
tie, the exact realisation ot the Paris 
aa it was presented on the stage. But 
r that I know of has had the boldness 

the life and home of this young hua- 
inng wite in the Children's Hospital in 
jOndon. 

way from Ratcliff by the Stepney rail- 
W the terminus at Fenchurch Street. 
10 will reverse that Toate may retrace 



4S6 TBK UMCOMICKRCIAL TRAVE] 



Chapter XXXI 

ABOARD SHIP 

MY journeys is UncaBinicrd>I Tnirellcr ; 
Sim of Hiuiun-lQterest Brother* knt 

ilflckeced since I last reported ot' them, but 
icpt me cantiiiually aa ike move. 1 reniun 
naint idle etnpJojrniem. 1 never tolicit an 
never get any commission, I am the rolling 
that gadicTS no matt, — aniens any should bjr i 
be found among these lampla. 

Sotat haif a yeu ago, I found myself inj 
idlest, dreajnjcit, and leait accouatible cond 
altogedier, on board ship, in the harbour of tbs 
of New York, in ihe United Spates of Amt 
Of all the good ihips ailou, mine wu the 
■teamship " Rt;i5iAj," Capt. Cooit, Cuaud 
boimd for liverpooL What more could I 
for? 

I had nothing to wish for but a prospcrrui 
sage. My salad-days, when I was green of < 
and sea-sick, being gone with better things (i 
none), no coming ereot cast its shadow bci 

1 might bac a few momcEts prcuiously hat 
latcd Sterne, and said, ■** * And yet, mcthinki^ 
genius,' — laying my forefiBgcr wijtfiilly on hii! 
alcevcj thus, — ' and yet, methinb, EugemuaJ 
buE BDiry worfc lo part with thee, for what 
iieids, . . . my dear Eitgcnius, . 
be fresher then thou art, and in u'hat pastur 
shall I find Eliza, or call ber, Eugemus, IT 
wilt, Asnie ? ' " — I say I might have done 
but Eugeniua was gone, and I hadn^t done it. 

i was rcsdng on a sV^^%ht. on the hi 
licit, watching she vjotYVti^ ol -iJcit to.-? nct^ ■ 



-'^"*-- 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 417 

tliit >he might head far England, tt was 
>tioon on 8 mosc brilliant day in Apiil, and the 
tifili bjy WB9 glorioQS and glowing. Full many 
on shore there^ had I seen the snow came 
down, down (itself like down)^ und] i[ lay 
all the ways of men, and pardcularly, 113 it 
I, in my way, for i had not gone dry-shod 
1 hours for inDnths. Widiin two or three days 
St had I watched the fcadiery fall setdng in wjth 
lour of a new idea, in&tead of dragging at the 
if a worn-out winter, and perniitdng glimpses 
sh young spring. But a. bright sun and a 
iky had melted the snow in the great crucible 
Cure ; and it had been poured out again that 
)g over sea and land, tranafonned into myriads 
Igold and silver sparkles. 

The ship waA fragrant with flowci^. Something 
old Meidcan passion for flowers may have 
illy passed into North America, where flowers 
liurioiiily grown, and tastefully Combined In 
rhest profusion ; but;, be that aa it may, such 
farewells in flowers had come on board. 
It the small Dicer's cabin on deck^ n^hich I 
lanted, bloomed over into the adjacent scuppers, 
d banlts of other flowers that it couldn't hold 
ide a garden of the unoccupied tables in the pas- 
igcrs' saloon. These delicious scents of the shore, 
ngling with the fresh airs of the sea, made the 
iphere a dreamy, an enchanting one. And 
ith the watch aloft setting all the sails, and 
ithe screw below rcvoMng at a mighty rate, 
Bionally giving the ship an angry shake for 
3g, I fell into my idlest ways, and logt my- 

for instance, whether it was I lyin?, \Hcic»ot 
iPtber endty even more myalctioMS, >«?* «|] 
u 




4I& THE ITNCOMMSRCIAI. TRAVELLEB 



matter 1 vra* far too lascy to look into. Wiui i 
it signi^ to mc }f it were I ? or to the morei 
tcrioua entity, if it were he? EijusUy a* M 
remembrances that drowsily aotted byiDe, wi 
liim, why 2ak when or where tke things hippc 
Was it not cDougb that they befell at tome ' 

mcwhere ? 

There was that assisting st the church a 
board asother steamship, one Sunday, ia 1 1 
!br«eae. Perhaps on the passage out. No 

leasant to hear the ship'a bells go as like cb 
bells as they could; pleasant to see the w&ichi 
tduty mustered and come in : best hats, best Gu 
■t^yii washed handu and iac£E, bmoathed 
£ut then arose a set ot cLrcumftanrcj $c ramp 
comical, that no check which the grsvesi Intenil 
(iould put upoD them would hold them in hi 
Thas the scene. Some seventy passergcri ta 
b!cd at the saloon ubks. Prayer-books on ub 
Ship rolling heavily, Pau6e> No trintsier. 
mour has related chat a modest young cler^B 
on board has responded to tbe captain's reo 
that he will o^Edste. PauEC aguki, and very hi 
rolling. 

Closed double doors suddenly bcrsi <}pra«ij 
two strong stewards skate in, supporting 
between diem. General appearance as of M 
body picked up drunk and incapable, and 
conveyance to static n^hou^e. Stoppage, 
and particularly heavy rolling. Stewards 
their opportunity, and balance themselves, but 
not balance minister ; v\ ho, struggling with a dr 
tng head and a backward tendcocy, seems d( 
mined to tetiini below, while they arc ?s dcterni! 
that be shall be %<3\ vo t.Vue -readin^-dieak in 
locm. Desk portabk, iii^% 4>Kai ioMri ».i 



kthe 
■pre 

r 



I 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 4I« 

le, and aimirg itscU' st the breflsW of vatioiu 

ictnbers of the congregation. Here the dDubie 

oors, which have been carefully closed by other 

tewaids, fly open again, and worldly passenger 

mbles in, seemingly with pcle-aJe designi : who, 

king friend, says "joe!'* Perceiving incon- 

uicy, says, "Kullo! Beg yer pardon!" and 

mbles out again. All this time the congregauon 

ve been brcaidng up into sects, — as the maimer 

of congregttdons often h, — each sect sliding away by 

itself, and all pounding the weakest sect which slid 

^Tst into the corner. Utmost point ofdjaaent soon 

attained in every comer, and violent rolling. 

Stewards at length made a dash j conduct mmister 

to the mast In the centre of the saloon, which he 

mbraces iviih both arma ; skate out ; and leave 

him in that condition to arrange affairs with flock. 

There was another Sunday, when an officer of 
-the ship read the service. Jt was quiet and im- 
ssive, und] we fell upon the dangerous and per- 
fectly unnecessary experiment of striking up a hymn. 
After it was given out, we all roue, but everybody !elt 
it to somebody else to begin. Silence resulting, the 
officer (no singer hitnself) rather rcprcachiiilly 
gave us the first line again, upon which a rosy pip- 
pin of an old gentlemari, remarkable throughout 
the passage for his cheerful politeness, gave a Hitle 
■tsmp with his boot (as il' he were leading off a 
country dance), and blithely warbled us into a 
tkow of joining. At the end of the first verse we 
became, through these tacucs, so much refreshed 
sad encouraged, that none of us, huwsoever un- 
melodious, would submit to be left out of the sec- ; 
oind verse ; while as to the third wc lifted up 
our voices in a sacred howl that left it doubtful 
iWlicthcr we were the more boa^tiul oS vVkt *fKa- 



•"—^-'-^•' "* 




410 TH£ UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLEt 

ments wc united in pro&ssisg, or of profcMog 
them with s most discordant deliance of tim^ud 
tune. 

** Lard bless us! " thought I, when the freii rt- 
mcmbranee of these things made me laugh hciriv 
alorc in the dead waicr-gurgling waste of th; -'.... 
what dme 1 was wedged into my berdi : , - 
wooden bar, or I must have rolled out of it, " whj: 
errand was I then upon, and to what Abyisinisa 
point had public events then niarchcd^ No mil- 

c« a to me. And a to thero, if the wcr ^ ' 

popular rage for a plaything (utterly confouii 
its inscrutable unreuoti) had not then Ughteci ctr; i 
poor youag savage boy, and a poor old screw oii 
horse, and hauled the first off by the hair of hii 
princely head to 'inspect' British volunteers, 
hauled the second off by the hair of his equine 
to the Cry&tal Palacej, why &o much the bcEter fur i 
of us ouiside Bedlam! " 

Sd, Buckiag to the ship, I was at the trouble J 
asking myself would [ like to show the grog 
bution in "the fiddle" at noon to the Gr 
United Amalgamated Total Abstinence Socic 
Ves* 1 (hint 1 ehould-^ I think it would do 
good to BineH the mnir under the drcuimtuic 
Over the grog, mi^ed in a bucket, presiJes 
boatswain's mate, small tin can in hand. Efl 
the crew, the guilty coniumers, the grown-up i 
of Giant Despair, in contradistincdoa to the 
ot youthful angel Hope. Some in boots, sonw 
leggings, some in tarpaulin overalls, some iti 
some in pea-coats, a very few in jackets, most 
sou'wester hats, all with something rough 
rugged round the throat j all, dripping salt 
where rhcy stand; all ipeltcd. b^ weather, 
with grease, and WacVttieA \iy \!ti*. ukan tv 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 421 



. Each man's knife in Its sheath in his girdle, loos'- 
Encd for dinner. Ab the first man, with a Icnow- 
ingly kindJcd eye, watches the filling of the poisoned 
rhalice (truly but a. very small tin mug, to be pro- 
Mic), and, tossing back his head, tosses the con- 
teats into himself, end passes the empty chalice and 
pMies on, so the second tnan with an anticipatory 
wripc of his mouth or sleeve or handkerchief, bides his 
Eani,and drinks and hends and pa3»e9on,in whom, 
Hid IB each as his turn approaches, beams a know- 
ingly kindled eye, a brighter temper, and a suddenly 
iwakcncd tendency to be jocose with Bome ship- 
mate. Nor do I even observe that the men in 
charge of the ship's lamps, who in right of hia of- 
fice has a donbk allovc^ance of poisoned chalices, 
icems thereby vaatly degraded, even though he 
e&ipdcs the chalices into himself, one after the 
tnher, much as if he were delivering their conrenta 
It some absorbent establishment m which he had 
Dp persoTial interest. But vastly comforted, I nott 
tbein all to be, on deck presently, even ta the cir- 
niJadon of redder blood in their cold blue knuckles; 
lod when i look up at them lying owl on the yards^j 
md holding on for life among the beating saiU, I 
ainnoT for ray life see the justice of i-isidng on them 
— or on me — the drunken crimes of any number 1 
>r criminsls arraigned at the heaviest of assizes. 

Abetting myself in my idle humour, I doaed my 1 
ryes, and recalled Hte on board of one of those 
nail-packcte, as I lay, part of than day, in the Bay 
)f New Vork, O ! The regular lil'e began — mine 
liways did, for J never got ro sleep afterwards — 
with the rigging of the pump while it was yet dark, 
ipd washing down of decks. Any encrmous giant 

tptod'ipous hvdropathic c5ta'b^'tvTrLtTi\, co'a- 
biuljr undergoing the water-cwie \vi 1^ va. i&- 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 




pdnmenta, and extremely panicalaT aboat dc 
hit icetii, would make tliose noises. SwAiii, 
KFub, nib, toothbrush, bubble, awuh, iplub, 
bubble, tooihbruah, tplssb, gpksh, bubble, rob. 
Then the day would break, and, d«3C«iding Beta 
jny benh by a graceful ladder composed c( hilt 
opened drawers beneath ii^ 1 would reopen mj 
outer de»d^ligbt and my inner slidtag windov 
(cloaed by a watchman during the water-cure), anil 
would look out at the long-roltingr lead-colotiral, 
whhc-ioppcd waves over whJch the dawn> «» • 
cold winter morning, cast a level, lonely glance 
and through which the ship fought her melancholjr 
way at a. temtic rate. And now, lying dowa 
again, awaidng the scasop for broiled ham and ua, 
I wnuld be Goitipelled to listen to the voice of coo- 
icience, — -the screw. 

h might be, in &ome c9»eF, no more than (i* 
voice of stomach ; but 1 called it in my fancy by 
the higher name. Because it seemed to me tiut 
we were all of us, all day long, endeavouriiig u 
itiHe the voice, EeCiause it was under everybody! 
pillow, everybody's plate, everybody's camp-stool, 
everybody's book, everybody's occupatinn. Reaau 
we pretended not to hear it, especially atmctl-iimci, 
evening whist, and morning conversadon on deck' 
but it was always among ua in an under monotone, roi 
to be drowned in pea-soup, not to be shuffled with 
cardu, not to be diverted by books, not to be Lniticd 
into any partem, not to be walked away from. It 
was amoked in the weediest cigar, and drunk in tic 
strongest cocktail ; ii was conveyed on deck 
noon with limp kdics, who lay there in their wi 
pcra until the stars shone ; it waited a( 
with the stewards j nobody could put it out 
the Ughu. It WKft considered (u on ihore) 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 423 



iffcd to acknowledge the voice of cotiBcience. It 

Hbs not polite to mention it. Otic squally day an 

^Riiable gentleman in love gave much offence to a 

surroLitiding circle, inclnding the object of his it- 

^uhment, by saying o£ it, aJter it had goaded him 

^■er two easy-chairs and a skylight, " Screw ! " 

^vSometimes it would appear subdued. In Jleec- 

^Pg momcrw, when bubbles of champagne per- 

■radcii the nose, or when there was *' hut pot " in 

the bill of fare, or when an old dish we had had 

regularly every day was described in that official 

document by a new name, — under such cicite- 

mcnta, one would almost believe it hushed. The 

cercTnony of washing pktes on deck, performed 

after every meal by a circle as of ringers of 

crockery triple-bob majors for a prize, would keep 

il down. Hauling the reel, taking the sun at noon, 

Caiing the twenty-four hours' nin, altering the 
ip's time by the meridian, casting the waste fnod 
crboard, and utiracting the eager gulls that fol- 
lowed in our wake,. — thcac events would suppress. 
it for awhile. But the instant any break or pause 
took place in any such diversion, the voice would 

tat it again, importuning us to the last extent. 
newly married young pair, who walked the deck 
:ctionately some twenty mites per day, wouid» 
in the full flush of tlieir exercise, fiuddcnly become 
Wricken by it, and stand trembling, but otherwise 
immovable, under its reproaches. 

When this terrible monitor was most 3c\-erc with 
as was when the time approached Ibr oar retiring 
to our dens for the night ; when the lighted candles 
in the saloon grew fewer and fewer ; when the 
desened glasses with spcona in them grew more 
and more numerous ; when waifs of toasted cheese 
and 6£rav& of iardines fried in batter tVid Vati^w.&'j 



434 THE UNCQMMERClAt. TRAVELLER 

CO and fro in the table-jacks ; when the mm vk 
always re«d had shut up hij boot, and blown 
hiB candle I when the man who alw«y* talked hi 
ceased from troubling ; when ihc man wise m 
alwaya medically reporced a& going to bsvc dciinm 
trcmena bad put k olF till to-morrow ; when t 
man who every night devoted himself to » mi 
night smoke on deck two hours in length, and wi 
every night was in bed within ten nuDutta cfti 
wards, was buitoning himself up in hia third c 
for his hirdy vigil ; tor then, as wc fell oft" one 
one, and, entering our several hutches, csmc int 
peculiar atmosphere of bilge-water and Wind] 
aoap, the voice would shak^e us to the ceoc 
Woe to us when we sat down on our sofa, watl 
ing the swinging candle for ever trying and re 
ing to stand upon his head ! or oui coat upon 
peg* imitating us as wc appeared in ourgymroi 
days by suatainiiig itself horizontally from the w 
in emulation of the lighter and more facile lowe 
Then would the vckc eapcdally claim lu &r 
prey, and rend us all to piec«. 

Lighti out, we in our berths, and the wind rjiii 
the voice grows angrier and deeper. Under 
mattre?? and under the piliow» under the »ofi 
under the wasidiig-stand, under tti£ ship and um 
the sea, seeming to rise h'om the foundations un 
the earth with evcrv scocp of the great Atltai 
(^and oh ! why scoop so f), glwayj the voice. Vi 
to deny iia existence in the night season j impoiaii 
to be hard of hearing ; screw, screw, safl 
Somedmea it lifts out of the water, and revoll 
with a whirr, like a ferocious hrcwork, — ex 
that it never expends Itself, but li always rcad)i 
go off agaifl J someumea it Bccms to be in angtii 
and shivers ; sometinnes it seems u be terri^ed 



plunge, and has a fit which causea it to 
glc, quivcfj and tor &n instant stop. And 
,e sKip sets in rolling, as onlj'stiips io fiercely 
id chrough time and space, day and oightr 
ihcr and foul, tun roIL 

she ever fake a roll beibrc likf that last ? Did 

T take a roll before like this worse one that 

ng now ? Here is the partition at my ear 

r in the deep on the lee side. Arc we ever 

pg up again together ? I think, not ; the 

~ n >nd I are so long about it that I really do 

we tiave cverdone it tMs time. Heavens, 

Bcoop ! What a deep acoop, what a hol- 

loop, what a long scoop ! Will it ever end, 

,n we bear the heavy mass of w&ter we have 

on hoard* and which hss let loose all the 

irciture b the oiEcers' mess, and has beaten 

he door of the little passage between the 

and me, and is swashing about, even there 

en here? The purser snores reassuringly, 

e ship's belh striking, I hear the chcerfiU 

Well ! " of the watch musically given back 

ICBgth of the deck, as the lately diving paru- 

Low high in air, tries (unaofiencd by what 

|re gone throtlgh together) to lorcc ine out of 

ld berth, 

Jl's well ! " Comforting to know, though 
all might be better. Put aside the rolling 
rush of water, and think of dsirting through 
larkneas with such velocity. Think of any 
wmilar object coming in the oppoaite direc- 

her there may be an attraction in two luch 
bodies out at sea, which may help accident 
g ihcm into collision ? Thoughts, too, ariie 
Dice never silent all the while, but marvel- 



436 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



lously euggcsUvc) of th? gulf below ; of the 8t 

Unfruitful mountain ranges and deep valleys 
which we are passing; ofmunstrooa fish nridi 
of tic ship's suddealy altering her course 
own account, and wkh a wild plunge settiing ■ 
and making thst voyage with a crew of dcid dij- 
coverers. Now, too, one recalls flu almost 
vcraal tendency on the part of passengers to 
tic, at some time or other in the day, on ihci 
of a certain large steamer makiug this sae 
■which was lost at Hca, and dcvct heard ni 
-Everybody has seemed under a ipell, cc-mpfl 
approach to the threshold of the griin subjc«, 
page, diacomfiture, and pretence of never ha| 
been near it. The boatswain's whistle smirdal 
'change in the wind, hoarse orders issuing, and 
watch very busy. Sails come crashing home 
head, ropes (that seem at! knor) ditto; evciyi 
engaged appears to have twenty feet, with 
■times the average amount of stamping; po* 
each. Gradually the noise slackens, the home 
■cries die away, the boatswain's whistle sofierii| 
the soothing and contented notes, which rati* 
"luctantly admit that the job is done for the 
and the voice sets in again. 

Thus come uniniclligible dreama of up hiU 
downj, iLnd aivjnging and swaying, until ci>n( 
nesB revives of atmospherical Windsor wMp' 
■bilge-water, and the voice announces that the ; 
luu come lot tlic water nrurc again- 

Such were my fmciiiil reminiscences aa id 
part of that day, in the Bay of New Yoii, 
Also as we passed clear of the Narrow*, uid J* 
out to jca ; also b many an idle hour atWiln 
Sonny wemhcr-' At length the observatioaa ' 
compuiaiiom ihowcd thii we ihouW make the i 




[■HE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 437 



eland tQ-night. So 1 stood watch on deck all 
to-night, to 3CC how we iiia.dE thfr codst of 

id. 

dark, and the s.ea most brillkntly phoi- 

jsccnl. Great way on the ship, and double 
Chk-out kept, VigUant captain on the bridge, 
rigiUitt first oEcer looking over the pOTt side^ vigi- 
lut second officer standing hy the quarter- master at 
ie compass, vigilant third officer posted at the stem 
lil witii a lantern. No pnaaengers on the quiet 
leeks, but expectadon everywhere nevcnheleas. 
rhe two men at the wheel very ateady, very se- 
ions, ard very prompt to aaswer orders. An or- 
ter issued sharply cow and then, and echoed back ; 
itherwiae the night drags alowly^ siiently, with no 

11 of a sudden, at the blank hour ef two in the 
]g> a vague movement of relief from a long 
expresses itself in all hands ; the third offi- 
lantern twinkles, and he fires a rocket, and 
icr rocket. A sullen solitary light is pointed 
to me in the black sky yonder, A change 19 
ixpected in the light, but none takes place. " Give 
um two more rockets, Mr, Vigilant," Two 
bore, and a bluc-ljght burnt. Alt eyes watch the 
Ight again. At last a little toy ^ky-roctec is flashed 
ip from It i and, even as that Bmall etreak in the 
iarkncjs dies away, wc arc telegraphed to Qucens- 
tjwn, Liverpool, and London, and back again un- 
ier the ocean tQ America. 

Then up came the half-dozen passengers who 

in going Bshgte at Quccnstown, and up comes the 

^BDl in charge of the bags, and up come the 

-who are to carry the bags into the mail-tender 

riJl come off for them out of the harbour. 

^ 2nd lantern! gteam here and there about ihc 




; THE. uNcoMM^RCiAt. ti^velle: 

^ecks, avj Bipediag bullcs irc Icnocked fwa^ 
hkiMbpLkes; and the port-nde bolwxrk, botra 
I mom^Dt ago. buna into a crop of h»d» c 
IDCD, sievrxrds, icd engineers. 

The Ught bcgipa to be gained npon, bcgim 
.•loBgnde, b^cs lo be tett a&ieni. More 
.and, between ii> uid ibe land, steams beau 
tbc Xmnan Btcamfthip Chy o{ Pon^, tor New 
outward bound. Wc observe with compla 
that thevnDd ia dead against her (it bcin^ a/il 
and that she rolli and pitches. (Tlie sick 
scpgcr on bojrrd is tbe most delighted by ihi 
cum stance.) Time rusbcj by at we nwh oni 
now wc ICC the light in Qucenstomi Harbour, 
now the Bghts of the nniij5-icnder comiTig out 
What vagaries the mail-tender performs on the 
ia every point of the compass, cspedaJly in 
where she has no business, and why she peri 
them, Heaven only knows ! At length she 
plunging within z cable's length of our pon 
side, and is being roared at through our spet 
trumpets ta do this thing, snd not to do that 
to stand by the other, as if she were a very 
memed tender indeed. Then, we slackening s 
a dealening roar of steam, this mucb-abused I 
lA made fast to us by haw&ers> and the Bii 
readincia cany th? bags aboard, and rctun 
more, bending under tbcir burdens, and l 
just lilce the pasteboarJ figures ol the miller 
men in the theatre of our boyhood, and cnmpoc 
ing themselves almoM as unsteadily. AU the 
the unfortunate tender plunges high and lo' 
ij roared at. Then the Queenscown pttssengi 
put on board of her, with infinite plungin 
roaring, and the tender gets hesved op on 
to that surprising extent that she Eookt wli 



_THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 429 

I of washing aboard of us, high and dry. 
td at with donturacly to the last, this wrctchcd 
IB at length let go, with a final plunge of 
fignomjny, and falls spinning inio our ivakc. 
ie voice of conscience resumed its dominion as 
ly climbed up ihe sky, and kept by ail of as 
Sogers into port ; kept by us as we paaaed other 
jhthouBes, and dangerous islands off the coast, 
here some of the officers, with whom ] stood my 
atch, had gone ashore tn sailiug-shipB in fogs (and 
' -ivhich by that token they seemed to have quite 
1 sffccdonatc reraembratice), and past the Welsh 
last, and past the Cheshire coast, and past every- 
ing and everywhere lying between our aiiip and 
a" own special dock in the Mersey. Off which, 
II, It nine of the clock, on 2 fair ei'etiing early 
lay, wc stopped, and the voice ceased. A 
[carious sensation, not unlike having my own 
(topped, cnjued upon chat silence ; and it was 
\a no less curious sensHtion that I went over 
of the good Cunard ship ** Russia *' (whom 
ity attfnd through all her voyages I) and 
red the outer hull of the gracious monster 
the voice had iahabited. So, perhaps, shiJl 
m, in the spirit, one day survey the frame that 
the btnica- voice fi-om which my vagrant fancy 
lived this iimilitude. 



nved till 



Chapter XXXIl 

A LITTLE DINNEX IK AH HOUR 



el] out on a dry in this last autumn, that I 
hid to go down from London to a place of 

ie resurt^ on ait hour's business, ttccompanled 
y esteemed friend Bullfinch. Let the place 



ITXLLEK 



^K8 WU Wt 



prapBol 



to 



I aad KW beoi need on' 

I A gB » ot w accept tbe 

Ac T ea e iM ig, bot ga the 
aclnr m^bt ^iom it. He " ttemt 
r," Bdl&w^ t^, tkat be hid dined 
A plitB cfiBoCTt bift gotxL Ccruinly 1 
a Ptaaan tfinnEf (bere Bollhnch obviou&lr| 
DC tbe prey of waci of coo^dcnce), but 
" very &ir. 

I appeal to Biill£nch.*« mtimate knowledge of 
wants xnd ways Co decade whether I was utn 
ready to be pleased with any dinner, or — fil' 
rnallet' of that^with anytWng that was but 
kind and really what it claimed to be. BiiUfi 
doing xne the honour m res^pond in the affirmj 
J ijirccd to ithjp myself as an able trentlicrai 
board the Tcrncrairc. 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 431 

HiNovr, our plan shall be this," aaya Bullfinch, 
nh ilia forefinger at his nose. '* As aoon as we 
(t to Naxnelcaacon, wc'U drive atraigh: to the 
emeraire, and order a little dinger in an hour. 
ed aa we shall tiot have more ihan enough time 
which to dispose of ir coinforiablyj what do you 
y to giving the house the best □pportuniucs oi 
rving it hot and quickly by dining in the caffbe- 
om r " 

What I had to say was, Certainly, Bullfjnch 
who is by nature of a hopeful constimticn) then 
igtu to babble of green geese. Bur I checked 
,in in that Fa.Utatiian veinj urging causiderauonf 
* time and cooicery. 
In due sequence of events we drove up to the 
'euLcraire. and alighted. A youth in livery re- 
lived lis on the door-step. •■ Loob well^" said 
Plinch COntidetilially. And then aloud, *' CofFec- 
V" 
aie youth in livery (now perceived to be 

IQuldy) conducEed us to the desired haven, and 
na enjoined by Bullfinch to send the waiter sX 
Dce, as we wished to order a Eittle dinner in an 
flat* Then Bulllinch and I walled far the waiter, 
niil, the waiter continuing to wait in some un- 
ftawn and invisible gphere of acdon, we rang fnr 
he waiter ; which nog produced the waiter, who 
Dnounced hinisetl as not the waiter who ought to 
rait upon us, and who didn't wait a moment longer. 
, So BullJiiich approached the coffee-room door, 
lid melodioU&Iy pitching his voice into a bar where 
tvo young ladies were keeping the books of the 
femcrajre, apologetically explained that we wished 
» order a littk dinner in en hour, aad that we 

t debarred irom the execution of our inotfensiv? 
ye by conaigninent to solitude. 




loiBnnix. -mih- eiTeaje OBoarsEblnas of speet^ 
HBz ^i-^nr. sni V3=K £ Kci^oca <^ fiv-iilown bin 
-fc iarr zi let ^mir vftoc^ the vraho' hid ^vei 
"*fTTT, bd£ m^aza: «^ a stxr v£ gcDcnl mumsct^ 
mnnr ri- err oE3cfaxy-cooi tdq [4e«3e, moved the 

We cacld knc mDck-tnitle soup, a sok, canji 
and nsdBC dock. AffccA. At das ud)le by thii 
wiodow. I \m c tu aIIy in an boar. 

I bad been feigning to look out of this window; 
bot I bad been taking note of the cnunbs on all the 
tables, the dirty table-cloths, the stofiy, soupy, air- 
less atmosphere, the stale leavings everywhere about, 
the deep gloom of the waiter who ought to wO 
npon us, and the stomach-ache with which a lond) 
tnvcller at a distant table in a comer was too evi- 
dently afflicted. I now pointed out to Bullfind 



COMMBRO&L TRAVEL 



ivcUcr had ^^1 
r. wirhnur 



trming drtUTMianct that this traveller 

We hurriccUy debaied whcdier, without 
cment of good brcedixig, we couJd ask him 
iosc if he had partaken of mock-turtJC, sole, 
cir rout duck? We decided chu the thing 
BQt be polJuly done, and we bad &et our awn 
rju Oil ji cdstf md they mmt ataod ih« hdzard 
■die. 

old phrenology, v.'iihlii certain limiu, to be 
J am mjjch of the tame nilnd as to the cubtler 
Hoiu of the hand ; I hold physiognomy to 
kllible ; though all these ^cieaces demand 
lulitics in the srudcm. But I aJ» hoid that 
k no more certain indfrx to perfocal ehanctct 
die condition of a set o( caaters is to the 
ter of any hotcL Knowing, and having 
tstcd thii theory of mice. Bullfinch r.esigned 
to the worst, when, laying aside any re- 
Ig veil of disguise, I held up before him in 
tion the doudy oil and Jwy vinegar, the 
d cayenne, the diny &a!t, the obscene dregs 
and the anchoTy sauce in a Sannel walst- 
f decomposition. 

went out to transact our business. So m- 
ig \sis the relief of pzsising into the clean 
indy streets of Nameletsion from the heavy 
.pid closenejj of the coffee-rooni of the 
aire, ihar hope began to revive wittiia ut. 
egan to consider that perhaps the lonely 
' had taken phytic, or done something inju- 
to bring his complaint on. Bullfinch re- 
that he thought the ivaiter who ought to 
ipon us had brightened a little when sugge^i- 
rry ; and although I knew Mm to have been 
moment the express image of despair, I ai- 
mvicli' to become elevated in spirits. A» 



I 



434 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELUR 

we MTtikcd by tbe sc^y-lapping so, all the i 
bilitin of Namdes^iOD( who art forever 
and down with the chingelcstncss at 
passed to and £rD in prDcesaop. iVrur 
liOTwbscli^ and with deceued ridiag-mostert^ 
girls on feoc ; maiure ladies in hats,- 
stTDDg-mindedr and glsfuig n the 
fweaker scx. The Stock Exchange waai 
b|cpreienied, Jerusalem was sovD^hr 
lie bores of the prosier Locdoa clubs were ssool 
presented. Fomioe-liunters of all deiioimniu 
nerc there, frotn iurauie insolvency, in a. 
I to closclv -buttoned awmdlen* in doubthil hoots. 
the sharp loolt-out for any likely young gcBilt 
'dispased to play a game at billiards lounii 
I Comer. Masters of languages, their Icisost 
buhed iOT the day, were going to thdr he 
|*til of tight of the set ; tnistresscs of accomf 
[jncnts, carrving small portfoiiosT likewise inj: 
[homeward; pxirs of ^cbolasdc pupiis, two 
[iWQi went languidly along the he^ch, ^itnrfyl 
the face of the waters as if waiting for 
Ark CO come and cake them off. Spectres ( 
Gcopge the Fourth days Bitted iiniteadiJy 
the crowd, hearing the outward semblance cf iB'^ 
acnt dandies^ of every one of whom it migbt 

id, not that he had one leg in the grave, or 
legs, but that he was steeped in grave to the 
mit of his high shin-collar, and had nothing 
about him but his bonea. Alone sntiont 
midst of xll the mDveinenia, the Nunelesa 
men leaned against the railings and yawM 
looked out to sea, or looked at the moored fi>hi| 
bnat& and at nothing. Such is the unchiol 
manner of Ufe with this nurawy of our hardy 
men ; and very th-y nurses the^ arc, and all 



^iDcthing to drink. The only two 
Taonagcs dctacLed fi'om the railing 
■o forcunate possessors of th* celebrated^! 
inkjiown barking-rish, jast caught ffi-c-- 

caught oiF Namdesston), who carried 
in a haniper, and pressed ihe scietitific 
C the lid. 

!s of the liour had all ruD out when we 
I the Temerairet Says Bulliinch, then, 
L in livery, with boldness, " Lavatory I " 
z arrived at the family vauh with a sky- 
; the youth in livery prc&enicd a the 
ought, wc had already whisked off our 
coats ; but finding ourselves ia [he pres- 
evil saicll, and no linen but two crum--' 
newly damp &ora the countenances of 
idy cises, we put on our cravaca and 
and ficd unwashed to the coffee-room. » 
E waiter who ought to wait upon us had 
IT knives and forks and glasses, on the 

dirty Bcquainiance we had already had 
of muking, and which we were pleased 
by the familiar expresaioti a fits stains.. 
here occurred the truly surprising phe-. 
[lat the waiter who ought not to wait! 
Kiped down iipaii usj clutched our loat' 
d Vdoished with the satnc^ 
, with diatracied eyas, was foUowiingi 
untable Hgure " om ai the portal," like^ 
a Harnlet, when the waiter who oDghl 
a U3 JDslJcd against it, carrying a tureen. 
E " aaid a severe diner, lately finished, 
bUI fiercely through liia eye-glasS- 
ter put down our tureen on a remote 
Dd went to ace what was anaiss in (Us 



TKAVES.LB8 




w^at scpmce ncss,! 

■.ht^im\kmamwhMn 

6raC 

**Tskt dc laS to d« fav, and |t« it 
wbA Mr. btS^KOaa Cocker, •» n> cdl Inn. 
The iiwiLi i«ok n, looked neudT bi h, 

Ke Ae idea of tilBig k u tbr bu, i 
l^t i^ca the aaCf thitj 

"■1 tdl JOB ^n," tmd Mr. [| 
Cocker, ** hm*s voxodir*! A ei r t c *n*t yoB > 
ii ? — OBC aad d^dpencr, a»d ha« fic arc 
twd chSfiiigi. Whmt do joa loafce oi^ CQC 
^tepenoe and two shiAagsf " 

Tocally muHe to nuke aortking ot one 
dghipcncc and two thiBing?, the waiter went' 
to try if anybody else could ; merely 
helpless t»ckwtrd glance at Bu}!fioch, iti acbia 
edgmeni o}' hii pathedc cncrca-dcs ibr our 
tareeo. After a pause, during whicli Mr., lodij 
tioB Cocker read a newspaper and coughed 
coughs, Bullfinch arose to get the tureen, wheal 
raitef reappeared and brouglii ii,^-droppin)i 
rrdigtiation Cocke's altered bill on Mr. IndJJI 
tion Cocker's labEe as he came along. 

" it'* quite impossible to do it, gentlemen,**! 
mured the waiter ; *' and the kitchen is so ^ 

" Well, you doa'e keep the house ; it's not 

It, we juppose. Bring some sherry." 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 43; 

'"liter I '* from Mr. Indignation Cocker, with 
and burning sense of injjry upon liim. 
waiter, ajrested on h:3 way :a our siietTy, 
ipped Bhon, and came back to see whit was 
rchug now. 

"•Win yoa look here? This ia worse than he- 
re. Da you underMand ? Here'a vcsicrday's 
Kny, one and eigJitpence, and here we are again 
'0 *hilling8. And what ihe devil doea riincpcnce 
»n?" 

This new portent utterly confounded the waiter, 
e wrung his napkin, and mutely appealed ro the 
iling. 

* Waiter, fetch that sheny," eaya Bullfinch, in 
^Lwralh and revdt. 

^M Want to know," persisted Mr* Indignation 
DcltCT, *^ the meaning of nincpence. I watit to 
low the meaning of sherry one and eightpence 
merday, and of here we sre again two ahillings. 
[Dd soBiebody." 

The distracted waiter got out of the room on 
It of lending somebody, and by that means 
wine. But the instant he appeared with 
canter, Mr. Indignation Cocker descended 
a:gain. 
'titer!" 

fou will now have the gcodncsB to attend to 
nner, waiter,'* said Bullfinch, Btemly. 
:«m very sorry, but it's quite impossible to do 
'lentlemeti," pleaded the waiter; "and the 



'aiter ! *' said Mr. Indignation Cocker. 

resumed the waiter, ** so iar off, 

" persbtcd Mr. Indignation Cocker, 
eomebody," 



]*^r^, sue imr we are sgaia rm> ; 
iiDw iiD VDD ^»^"*i xnncpoicc J™ 

Hr<vTTE7 i: "was exiuBned, in t 
iie wcuttwc - lidr. Cocxa- n> kn 



He knc^T imcSer villi die tti 
■H dot dme Mifiered aevtxdj, dn 
now axui rhcn, and ^ipng hot bn 
wrli peed gnga- in it. When 
(vaj) mock-mnie loiipa and were 
witli ijiDpOHDi of 101116 diMnkr : 
plcxy, and occafloned hj the aorcha 
brain with bikewinn dish-water hoi 
sour flour, ptnionoiii condiments^ ani 
five pa cent, of miscellaneotia kite 
into balls, we were incHned to trace 

tb«t imnrirf!. On rh^ nrh^r hitTn\ th 



JE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 439 



Hny made its appearance he suddenly retired in 
l^eat disorder. 

In fine, tor iht uneatable part of this litUe dinner 
[as contradistinguished from the undrinkable) \.ve 
paid only seven shilliDgs and sixpence caeh. And 
Bullfinch and I agreed unanimously, that no such 
[il-icrved, ill-appointed, ill-cooked, nasty little din- 
ner could be got for the money anywhere eke un- 
[Icr the £un. With that comfort to our backs, we 
turned them on the dear old Temcraire, the charg- 
ing Temeraire, and resnlvad {iti the Scotch dialect) 
[g nac raair 10 the Habby Temeraire, 
..x„,.........._.., 
early age, it seems to me as though I had been 
bom under die aiiperinle tide nee of the eadmable 
hat terrific gentletnan whose name stands at the 
head of my present reflections, The inatractiFe 
monomaniac, Mr. Barlow, will be remembered aj 
the tutor of Masttfr Harry Sandford and Master 
Tommy MertOn. H« knew everything, and 
[fidacdcally improved all aorta of occasions, from 
the consumpuon of a plate of cherries to the con- 
templadon of a starlight night. What youth came 
to without Mr. Barlow waa displayed in the history 
of Saad/ord and Mcrton, by tlie example of a 
ccrtaifi awftil Master Mash. This young wretch 
wore buckles and powder, conducted himself witK 
insupportable levity at the theatre, had no idea of 
bang a mad buU si tigle -handed (in which 1 think 
hSm JciA reprehensible, ai remotely rcRecu-nfe ixv'^ 



Chapter XXXni 



MR. SARLrOW 



i 



h 



440 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



own ctutnctcr), and wss a Bnghtiu! insucrc of < 
enervating effects ot" luxury upoa the human no 

Strange deatmy on the pan of Mr. barlow. I 
go down to posterity as childhood's cjpericpvti 
a bore ! Immortal Mr. Barlow, boring hll 
through the verdant freshness of agrs! 

My peraonal indicimefit again jt Mr. B>irlo*'| 
one ol many coutits. 1 ivlU proceed to »el 
few of the injuries he has done me. 

In the first place, he never made or toofc t jO 
This insensibility on Mr. Barlgw's pert not 
cast its own gloorr over my boyhood, but blighlj 
even the sixpenny jest-books of the time ; 
groaning under a moral spell cnnstraiiiitig me lol 
fer all things to Mr. Barlow, I could nrjl chil 
but ask myself in a whisper when tickled bf 
printed jest, ** What would /te think of it? 
vvould he see in it?*' The paint of thejceli^ 
mediately became a tting, and sturg my 
iKicnce. For my mind's eye saw htm sto 
fiigid, pcrch&nce taking from Jt» sbelf some 
Greek bfiok, and translating a: hill length 
■ome dismal sage said (and touched up afcenvi 
perliApSr ^ publicauon), when he bstusheii 
□nlucky joker bom Athens. 

The incompfltibilicy of Mr. Barlow with 
other portions of my young life but himselii 
adamantine inadaptability of the man to my (»n 
ite fancies and amusemcnta, is the thing for v/i 
1 hate him most. What righr had he to horel 
■way into my Arabian Nights l Vel be did. 
was always hinting doubts of the vera-' 
ihc Sailor. W he could have got i . 
Wonderfal Lamp, 1 knew he would have irimii 
it and lighted it, iind dcV\v«.rcd a. lectufe over it 
the qualitio of sipcrm-tai, m-Cb. t -^^ixtix 



Gshenes. He would so soon have found out 
a mechanical pritidplca — the peg in the neck 
he EnchaDied Horse, and would have mmed it 
right way in &o workmanlike a manner, diac the 
could never have got any height iaco the air, 
ic story couldn't have been. He would have 
i, by map and compass, that there was no 
I Idngdam as the delightful kingdom of Casgar, 
frontiers of Tartary. He would have 
chat Jiypocriiical young prig Harry to make 
txperiment, — with the aid of a temporary 
ding in the garden and 3. dummy, — demonstrat- 
thac you couldn't let a choked hunchhsck down 
Eastern chimney with a cord, and leave him 
gbt on the hearth to terrify the oiUtan's pur- 

goldcn flounds of the overture to the first 
jlitan pantomime, I remember, were alloyed 
Ir. Barlow. Click click, dng ting, bang 
f wccdie wcedle wcedle, bang! I recall the 
ing air that ran across my frame and cooled 
)t delight, ai the thought occurred to me, 
would never do for Mr. Barlow ! " After 
lin drew up, dreadflil doubts of Mr. Bar- 
i^consideriftg the costuraea of the Nymphs of 
Ifebula us being sufSciencly opaque, obtruded 
tlvea on my enjoyment. In the clown I 
red two persons ; one a fascinating unac- 
>Ie creature of a hectic complexion, joyous 
nta though feeble in intellect, with flashes of 
icy; the other a pupil for Mr. Barlow. I 
ight how Mr, Barlow virodd secretly rise early 
morning, and butter the paveincni for Aim, 
rhen he had brought hira down, would Inok 
ky out of his study window and uk him Vbovi 
y^cd die fun. 




- ■ CI 1 J ' 

ng-papcr, — and that of ihe 
young prig of prigs, Harry, sitting ( 
feet, sncakingly preteading to be 
youthful ttiowledg*. I though' 
Barlow would smooth the clo 
3t«ad of letting it stand crea 
and hoW( after 3 couple of y« 
Barlow, he would keep his legs c] 
he walked, and would take his 
loose pDckels, aud wouldn't hd' 
him. 

Thar I am particularly ignorBiil 
in the univ'frrse are mfldt of, dud' 
made, is another of my charges 
low. With the dread upon me 
a Harry, and with a further drea 
ing Barlowed if I [nade inquinc 
down upon myself a cold showi 
dona Bnd cjipcrimcnia, I forbo 
youth, and became, as they 
he wreck vou now behold." 



I 

.^uinc 

1 



K UN 

Rrd! i 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 443 

rd ! So I lool: the path, which, but for 
. Barlow, I might never have u-odden. Thought 
idth B shudder, " Mr. Barlow is a bore, with an 
aeuEC constructive power of niaJting bcffcs. His 
'M flpccimen U a bure. He aeeka to make a bore 
me. Xhst knoivledge is power I am not pre- 
ed to gainsay ; but, with Mr. BarloWj knowl- 
;c is puvver to bore/' Tlierefore 1 took rcfijgc 
|hc caves of ignorancej wherein [ have resided 
f «rce, and which are stiil my private ad- 

iiu ibe weighdest charge ofall iny charges agaiiiet 
. Barlow is, chat he still walkj the earth in 
iouB di&guisea, seeking to make a Tommy of me, 
n in my maturity. IrrepresiibJc, iniiructire 
Bomaniac, Mr. Batlow iilb my lil'c with pitfalls, 
: lies hiding at the bottom to barst out upon me 
EH I Jcast expect him. 

\ few of these diainal experiencea of mine shall 
ioe. 

Knowing Mr. Barlow to have invested largely 
the tnoving panorama trade, atid having on vari- 
occasiona identified bini in tiic dark with a 
g. wand in his hand, holding forth iti his aid 
IT (made more appalling in this, connection by 
«ometimcB cracking a piece of Mr. Carlylc's 
Q Dead-Sea fruit in misLoJce foi a joke), I s^ys- 
latically flhiin pictorial entertainment on rollera. 
uiarly, I should demand re&ponsible bail and 
nmy agulnat the appearance of Mr. Barlovr, 
are comniitciiig myself to attendance at any as- 
iiAag^ of tny fcllow-creatuTCA where a bottle of 
^end a note-book were conspicuo^ie objcctnj 
^ther of these associations, 1 should expressly 
him. But sucti it the designing nature of 
1, that he steals in where no reasoning pro- 



444 THE UHCOinaBCIAl* TRA^ 

Ad jmaDe :hc C«*o oT IfiHviKv Is « i 
town. Ed ttiis coUDnr to«rm the lA 
Momcitt, Bine a ninalKTt were Mftnooaccd 
pcsr is dx UTWB-liiI], fer die jcscxd 
tiuf iMt CfatttBiM weet. Kaowinf Mr. 
to fce BBCcmiectcd wiih the Miamaipf^ 

tecurei I Took m (talL Mjr objerr wm tt ' 
fee the Misiasappi Mmum in n-bn the 
KT%ed H their *' Nadoul fatUub, pluatiaB 

dovroSf nigger ptn-songi, ckoicc 
tpBrUing reptftcM, Ac.'* J &Qnd the UIM 

slike. In cbe black cost and nooscn, whin 
coat, Tcry large slurt-finci, very Isrge shin 
md Very Izrgc white tic and wristbxndi, 
coQ*tiitite the drtsa of the mass of the 
race, and which baa been obaerved by trarei 
prcvaD over i vast number of degrees of U 
All (he nme rolled their eyes exceedingly, 
had verv red ^pi. At ihc extremides of ic 
they formed, seated in their chars, were UwJ 
formers on the lamboutine and bones, Tht 
Momos, 2 black of melancholy aspect (w' 
tpired me with a vague uneaeineu for v/ 
could not then account), performed on a i 
sippi instruniert closely resembling what KM 
called in this island a hurdv-gurdy^ The Moi 
on either side of him had each another ins 
peculiar to the Father of Witters, which 
likened Co a stringed weathtfr-glass held 
down. There were likewise a htctc flure 
violin. All went well for a while, and we b 
■evcral sparleling repartees exchanged betw 
erfofffieci on the tambourine and bores, w 



"of 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 445 



of melancholy aspectj turning ro the laiter, 
d addressing him in a deep and improving voice 
" Bones, air," delivered certain grave remarkfl to 
n cDnccrning the juveniles prcacnr, and the season 
the year ; whereon I perceived that I waa in 
f presence of Mr. Barlow — corked ! 
Another night — and this was in London — I at- 
jded the Tepreseniation of a little comedy. Ai 
^nara<:ters were lifehic (and consequently not 
Hving), aod as ihcy went upon their several 
[ji and designs without personally addressing 
imselvea to mcj I felt rather confident of coming 
ough it without being regarded 3S Totniny, the 
iw ao, as wc were clearly getting close to the 
il. But I deceived myself. AU of a sudden, 
jopos of nothing, evcryhgdy concerned came to 
Eoeck and halt, advanced to the foot-iighis in a 
ieral rally co take dead aim at me, and brought me 
»n with a moral homily, in which i detected the 
*d hand of Barlow. 

Hay, so intricate and subtle are the toiia nf this 
Iter, that an the very next night after that, I 
I again entrapped, where no vestige nf a. spring 
ild have been apprehended by the trtnidefit. It 

K burlesque that I saw performed ; an uncom- 
ing burlestjue, where evervfciody couccmcd, 
wciaJly the ladies, carried on at a very ran- 
BTblc rate indeed. Mo&t prominent and active 
TDg the corps of performers was what I took to 
l^nd she really gave me very tair opportunities 
■teing Co a right conclusion) a young lady of s 
^Bfigure. She was dressed ad a picturesque 
1^ gentleman, whose pantaloons had been cut 
their infancy ; and she had very neat kneee 
neat »stin boots. Immediately after Eing- 
90tig and dancing a slang dantt, this en^ 





er of TonunT^, which ii nwfl 
accQUQt of it! cztreroe aggreiai 
urpQscs of a review or ocwspspc 
sn abstruse subject with iniinire pa 
uttcrJy regardless of tbc price 
indeed of ■evaytbing cls% Mve 
the eyei. 

But mark. When Mr. 
matton off, be h not contci 
rammed it home, and dischargi 
Tommy, his target, but he preu 
always in possession of it, and mi 
— that he imbibed it with moiher*i 
I, the wretched Tommy, am mosi 
hand in not having done the sxnu 
Tommy to be always the foil 
this extent ? What Mr. B4 
slightcjt notion of himself, a 
cannot be any verv heavy back-slii 
ve Bt my finger^' ends ta-dajJ 
■rlow svBtcmaticaHv carries iifl 



9«UH 



r 



UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 447 



doing;"), he mil previously tiave gotten flome- 
7 to tel] Mm some trcirendoufl tccliTiicality, and 
, wrirc in the coolest manner, "Now, sir, J 
/ asaume tliat every reader af yoar columns, 
teasing average inibrmadon and inielligeacc, 
>ws £s well as I do that " — say that the draught 
n the tauch'hole of a cannon of fioch a calibre 
n 9iich & proportion in the nicest fi-actions to 
draught from the muzzle ; or some equally fa- 
iar Httle fact. But whatever it !&» be certain 
: it always i«nds to tiic exal cation of Mr. Bar- 
', and the depression of his enforced aiid en- 
'ed pupil. 

Wi. Barlow's Lnowledge of my own pufstiite I 
I to be so profound, tliEt my own knowledge of 
in becomes as nothing. Mr. Earlow (disguiaed 
. bearing a feigned name, but detected by me) has 
xsioQally taught mc, in a aonoroua Voice, from 
! to end af a long dinner-tablc, m^cs that I took 

Rieny of teaching him five- and -twenty years 
My cloaing article of impeachment against 
arlow IB, that he goes out to breakfast, goes 
to dinner, goes out everywhere, high and low, 
I that he will preach to me, and that I can't 
rid of him. He makes af me a Promethean 
amy, bound ; and he is the vulture that gorges 
If BpQQ the liver of my uninstrucced mind. 



Chapter XXXIV 

□ H AN AMAT£UI BEAT 

one of my fendcs> that even my idlest walk 
lit always have its appointed desdnation. I 
fsc\£ I task before I leave my lodging in 



443 TH£ UNCOMMERCIAL TEUlVELUEl 



Coven t-gard en on a street cTpedidob, and 
no more think of alrcruig my route by the 
turning back and leaving a part of it oaacliiil 
than I should think of fraudulently vIoIbm 
agrcEinent entericd into with somebody else. 
other day, finding myself under this kind of i 
tion to piDceed to LiiDehouACj 1 atarced punc 
at noon, in compliance with the terms of rfifi 
traa with myself to which my good Mzh 
pledged. 

On mch. an occwiop, it ijmy habit to regs 
wslk as my beat, and myself as a highw 
pc lice-constable doing duly on the sime. 
many a mfliai! in the streets whom I mentalt 
lar and clejj out of them, who would wtf 
httle of London, I czn cell hin:, if 1 could 
with him physically. 

Issuing forth upon this veiy beat, and &114 
with ray eyes three hulking garrotters on their 
home, — which home J could confidently swtaf' 
he within so many y&rds ot Orury Lane, ia EJCS 
narrow and restricted direction (though they lift' 
their lodging quite as undisturbed ai I in mine),-' 
went on duty with a consideration tvhich I tt 
fully offer to the new Chief CoirmiGsiont 
whom 1 thoroughly confide as a tried and 
public servant. How often (thought I) have! 
forced to swallow, in police-reports, the intoi 
stereotyped pill of nonsense, how that the 
constable inlormed the worthv mapstratc hoi 
the associates of the prisoner did, at that 
speaking, dwell in a street or court which 
dared go down, and how that the worthy 
ttaie had heard of the dark reputation of such ti! 
or court, and bow that our readers weuld dot 
remeinber that it wis alwayi the smxi* it 



i 



IWas 



MMERCUU, TRAVELLER 



IS thuft etiiiyingly dificourecd about, 
, fbrtiiight. 

oppose that a Chjcf Commissioner sent 
"CiUai to every division of police employed ' 
, requiring institndy the names in al! dis- 
I such nuiCh-pufFcd streets or courts which 
urst go down ; and suppose that in such 
c £#ve plain warmng, " If those places 
t, tbcy are a proof of police inefficiency 
lean ro punish ; and if they do cot exist, 
Mftvendonal iicnon, then they are a proof 
idt police connivance with professional 
ich 1 bJeo mean [o punish " — what then ? 
r reaJitiesj could they survive the touch- 
hit atom of comniDn sense ? To tell ua 
jurt* until it has became a& trite a feature 
. the great gooseberry, that a costJy police- 
zh Xi was never before heard of, has left 
1, in the days of steam and gas and pho- 
f thieves and electric telegraphsj the aanc- 
i stews of the Stuarts ! Why, a parity 
if in all departments, would bring back 
i in two summers, and the Druid& in a 

5 &ater under my share of this public in- 
srtoraed a wretched little creature, who, 
M the rags of a pitir of trousers with one 
cs, and at its ragged hair with the oc^rt^ 
'iih bare feet over the muddy atones. I 
) raise and succour this poor weeping 
id fifty like it, but of both sexca, were 
in a tnoTnent, begging, tumbling, iighdng, 
J, yelling, shivering in their nakedness and 
The piece of money I had pu: into the 
ic child 1 bad overturned WBia clawed out 
•wae agaizi clawed out of that wnlh^hi 



45D THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 







gripe, and again out of tii3t» »nd soon I bad no no- 
tion in tvhat part of the obscene scuffle in :he mud, 
Hof rags and legs and arms and dirt, the money miifL, 

''OC. In raising the chJld^ I had drawn U ^id| 

I -of the main thoroughfare, and thia took place 
>SDme wooden hoardings and barriers and 
<ieniolished buifdings, hard by Temptc Bar. 
• Unexpectedly, Irom among them emerged i ga- 
>jine police-constable, before whom the 
l>rood dispersed in varioua direcdon*, he 
feints and dart& in this direcdon and in thar^^ 
hatching nothing. When all were frightened awi|r> 
he took off" his hat, pulled out a handkerchief ~ 
it, wiped hi« heated broiv, and restored the 
-kerchief and hat to their places, with the air^ 
tnan who hi^d discharged a great morzl duty^ 
indeed he had, in doing what was set doivn tor I 
'1 looked at him, and 1 looked aboLt at the 
-derly traces in the n:)ud, and 1 thought of the ' 
of rain and the ibotprinta of an extinct cr* 
hoary ages upon ages old, chat geologists have 
tiiied on the face of a clift ; and this gpcci 
tame over me ; If this mud could petrify atj 
moment, and could lie concealed here for ten 
■■and years, I wonder whether the race of men^ 
■to be OUT successors on the earth could, Jrcm 
i>r any marks, by the otjnost force of ihc humu 

< imellect, unassisted by tradition, deduce »ach an ai> 
tounding intcrcnce as the existence of a poUihedi 
State of society that bore with the public hi<i 

1 4}f neglected rhJLdren in the streets of ilt ci 
>city, and was proud of ita power by sea and 
!«nd never Used m power to seize and gave ihci 
. Aticr litis, when I came to the Old B^ilej 
glanced up k towards Newgate, I found tbi 
prison had an inconsivtent look. There Mcmed' 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

be some unlucky inconsistency in tlie atmosphere 
that day j for chough the proportions of St. Paul's 
Catbedrsl aje very beaudful, it bad an ur ai being 
somewhat out ol drawing, in Ccl^ eyes. I felt as 
though the cro^s were too high up, and perched 
upon the intervening golden ball too faraway. 

Facing eastward, I left behind me Smithlield atid 
Old Bailey, — Are and fagot, condemned hold, pub- 
lic hanging, whipping ihrougb the city at the cart- 
tail, pillory, branding- iron, Aiid other beautiiu] an- 
cestral land marks, which rude hands have rooted 
up, without bringing the stars quite down upon as 
as yet, — and weni my way upon my beat, notiiig 
how oddly characteristic neighbourhoods are divided 
^am one another, hereabout, as chaugh by an in- 
visible line across the way. Here ihall cea^e the 
bankers and the money-changers ; here ahall begin 
the shipping interest and the nautical-instrument 
ahops ; here shall follow a scarcely percepdblc 
Havauring i>f groceries and druge ; here shall cotnc 
a strong infusion of butchers .; now, small hosiers 
shall be in the ascendant ^ henceforth, everything 
exposed for Side shall have ila dclteted price at' 
rached. All this as ii' specially ordered and ap- 
pointed. 

A single stride at Houndsditch Church, no wider 
than sufficed to cross the kennel at the bottom of 
the Canon-gate, which the debtors in Holyrood 
sanctuary were woiit to relieve their minds by skip- 
ping over, as Scott relates, and standing in delight- 
ful daring of catchpolea on the tree side,^ — a single 
stride, and cverythnig: is entirely changed in grain 
Atid character. West of the suide, a table, or a 
chest of drawers on lale, shall be of mahogany and 
French-polished ; east of the stride, it shall be of 

,3, smeared with a cheap luuiiterfett resembUnt 



t 



4S3 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



lip-8iJvc. Weat of the atridc, a penny loif or bnin 
ghaP be compact Kod seli^ contained ; case of die 
stridcj it &hHll be of j Hprawiing and tplay-foatcd 
character, as seeking to make more of itsetf (or tit 
money. My beat lying round by Whitcchapci 
Church, and the adjacent 6iigar-reliqcries,— g«a: 
buildings, tier Lpon iJcr, that have the appcaranr; 
of being nearly related to the dock-warehouses at 
Liverpool, — 1 turned off to my right, and, paasisi: 
round the awkward cnrner on my left, citac uid- 
denly on an appoiidon familiar to London itrccti 
aikroiF. 

What London peripatetic of these timw has not 
seen thjc woman who ha& fellen lorward, double, 
through some aJfectioD of the spice, acd irfaoK 
head has of late taken a turn to one side, so thai it 
now droops over the back of one of her aniii at 
about the wrist i Who does not know her staff, 
and hef jhawt, and her basltct, as she gropes her 
way along, capable of seeiag noiliing but the pave- 
ment, never begging, never stopping, for ever going 
somewhere on no busiaess f How docs she live, 
whence does she come, whither does she go, and 
why ? I mind the time when her yellow arini 
were naught but bone and parchment, Sllgbt 
changes, steal over her; for there i* « shadowy sug- 
gesuoa of human skin on them now. The Siranti 
may be taken as the central point about which she 
revolves in a half-mile orbit. How comes she k> 
far eafC as thls.^ And coming back too! Having 
been how much ^thcr ? She is a rare specucle in 
this neighbourhood. I receive intelligeot in" 
tioti to this effect from a dog — a lop-sided m 
with a foolish tail, plodding along ^vith hh tail i.p, 
sod hit eass prieVed^ «.nd tfv^-pXa.-j'ui.^ *r mku^qV W 
tcrest in the ways of Vi& id\o^-mi3i»— ^t V«a(^\aL 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TKAVELLER 4S3 



Iktlowed ihe expresEion. Afcer pausing at a. porlc* 
sliop, he is jogging eastward like myaelf> with a 
benevolent coutitenance and a watiery mouth, aa 
though musing on the many cxccUcdccs of pork, 
when he beholds this doubled-up bundle approach- 
ing. He 18 not 80 much asroaishcd at the bundle 
(^though amazed by that), aa the drcumscaacc that 
it has within itaelf the means of locqmouon. He 
eiops, pricks his ears higher, makes a slight point, 
BtarcB, utters a shor:, low growl, and gliateos at the 
Bose, — as I conceive with teiror. The bundle 
continuing to approach, he barks, turns tail, and is 
Bibout to Hy, when, arguing with him&elf that flight 
ia not becDming in a dog, he turns, and ODce more 
laces the advancing heap of clothes. Afcer much 
hesitation, it occurs to him that there may be a facit 
in it somewhere. Desperately rcaolving to undiCr- 
lake the adventure, and pursue the inquiry, hcgow 
elowly up to the bundle, goea slawly fOund it, and 
coming at length Dpon che human countenance down 
there where never Jiutnin countenance should be, 
gives a yelp of horror, and flies for the East Jndia 

Docks. 

Being now in the Commerdal Road district of 
my beat, and bethinking myself that Stepney Stadoh 
is near, I cjqicken my pace that I may turn out of 
The road at that point, and ace how my amall east- 
em star is shining. 

The Children's Hospital, to which 1 gave that 
name, U in tull force. All its beds are occupied. 
There is a new face on the bed where my pretty 
baby lay, and that awcet little child Is now at rest 
for cvcr^ Much kind sympathy has been here 
since my former visit, and it ia ■g.ood Vo ^i^tX-W 
H-sJh profuBciy garnished with do\\^. ^^ vio^ii'^ 
^bikir Poodlci xna^riunk of them, » Omtj »a« "* 



I 



I 




T^ uHcamiBstciAi. traveuxr 






> 



ovi tludx anu ibon: ^ bodi, ud kkc, mi a- 
plaj duir q*V»*'*M* dmset. ^kkQo bn ■ i^etia 
ib the pTJmtf I faid hmi a^isg. ik 
ntmd of Ae fani, Hfcc a botmo-aatgeoD, stitsiU 
b^ MHW**^ liog,: — a &ia»l« — wIiq ■pp c an toM 
«bom mth faiiD io cbc chsnc^o' of fall pujd 
dreuer. Poodles ia aoxioui m nnke mc koowa n 
a pretty lirtle giil looking wooda^tT- hciJtby. 
wbo hail iud a leg ukcn off iixr caacer tit' iht latt, 
A dificolt opendon. Poodles inamatci, wiggioi 




Ui t»I oa the poupicrpant, bgi perfectly niccr»rfll), 
m you fcc, dew jjri The patjcnt, paiiiag Poo- 
diet, add* wirh a mule, "■ The kg wa« >o mu 
trouble to me, thit I am glad it'^s gone." I 
Mw anyUiing in doggery finer ihau the dej 
of Poodjcj, wbcD anoih^ little gul opcDi 
mouth to show a peculiar cnlargcmcat of 
longucr Poodlw (« that time on a table, lo br 
■ level with the occasioa) looks at the to&g 
(with his own tynipatbetically out) so very grt>x 
and knowingly, that I i'eel inclined to put my htai 
in my waistcoat ^pocket, and give hita a 
wrapped in paper. 

On my beat agaioj, and close to lii 

I Church, ill tcrminatidii, 1 iouniJ myself ncir 
certain " Lead-Milk." Struck by the name^ wi 
WBi frenh in my Tneinary, and Ending on Ini^i 
that these 83iiie icad-mills were identified 
those same lead-milU of which I made ment 
when I hrst visited the East London Childr 
Hoipital snd its adghbourhood tt UocDintiieT 
Traveller, I resolved to haye a loot at thcin. 

Received by two very intelligent gcntlcm* 
brotheri, and partners wiih thdr ftchcr in the 
cerr, ind who Ecstiiicd every deeire to show 
worki to me freely, J went over the icad-l 



^^a 



.■hi< 




THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 455 



^i5jfl 



» 



I 



he purport of such works ia the conversion of 
ig-lead into while-lead. This conversion ii 
iight about by the slow and gradual effecting of 
certain successive chcinicaJ changes in the lead 
itself. The processes arc picturesque and interest- 
ing, — the most so, being the burying of the lead, 
at a certain stage of preparatioti, in pots, each pot 
contaijiing a certaiji quantdij' oi add beaides, and 
all the pots being buried in vast numbers, in layers, 
uader lan, for so me tenj ycekj 
/ fujppin g~iSp~ lad dersTaad 

[elevated perches, until I was uocerain whetho- 10 
flilten myself to a bird or a bricklayer, I became 
yonacions of Btanding on nothing parricular, looking 
pown into one of a series of large cocklofts, with 
the outer day peepiog jru rhr'>^ig*' thg^^^jiTiTrKjnthf^ 
tiled roo f abovejr'^ number of women were aa- 
cendIrig~Eo7widdesccnd!rtg ft'om, this cocklDft, each 
carrying on the upward journey a pot of prepared 
lead and odd, for dcpoaition under the smoking 
tan. When one layer of pots was completely 
filled, i[ was carefuHy^ covered in with pknb, and 
those were careiiiliy covered with tan again, and 
then another layer of pocs wi? begun above ; suffi- 
dent means of ventilation bdng preserved through 
wooden tubes. Going down into the cockloft then 
filling, I found the heat of the tan to be eurprisingly 
great, and also the odour of the lead and add to be 
not absolutely exquisite, though I believe not noi- 
iou3 3t that stage. In other cocklofts, where the 
pots were being exhumed, the heat of the steaming 
tan was much greater, and the amcll was penetrat- 
ing and peculiar. There were cocklofts in all 
stages ; full and empty, half filled and half emptied ; 
itrong, active women were clambering about them , 

L-hrcitv ■ 7Tid rhp ivhnV rhintr laa^ tsiV^ct^^ ttiA C&^l 



I 



k 



456 THE UNCOMMEKCIA.L TKAVELLER 

tbc tfpper pan of the house of Hmie Innneiisely ric&i 
ofd Turk, whose faithful inraglio were hiding 
monev because the sultan or the pasha was conuogJ 

As is the Case with mott pulps or pigments, so itt] 
the instance of this white-lead, procesacB of Earring 
separating, washing, grindingi rolling, and presnus] 
succeed. Some of these arc unqucationahly iniin- 
ical to health, the tlanger ariaing Srom mhakilon of] 
pwddw q( lead, or irom contact bctwecD the lead 
and the touch, or both. Agaitist iliese dangers, I 
found good reapiratora provided (aimply made of 
flannel and mu'slin, aa as to be inexpensivel}' re* 
newed, and in 3omc instaccrs washed with accnud 
soap), and gauntlet gloves, and loose gown^ 
Everywhere, ihcrc was as much fresh air as win- 
dowg, well placed and opened, could pojably ad- 
mjt. And it was explained that the precaution of 
frequently changing the women employed in the 
worst parts of the work (a precaution originating to 
their own experience or apprehension of in jl! 
effects) waa fonnd salutary. They had a myatcri- 
oua and singular appearance, with the mouth ud 
nose covered, and the looie govvn on, and yet bore 
out the aimitc of the old Turk and the aengUti all 
the better for the disguise. 

At kst this vexed white-lead, having been buried 
and reautdraced, and heated and 'Cooled and stirred* 
and separated and washed and ground, and rolled 
and pressed, is subjected to the action of inienfc 
(icry heat. A row of wonien, dressed as above 
described, stood, let ua sav-, in a large stone bate- 
house, passing on the bBking-dishcs as they were 
given out by the cookj, from hand to hand, bito 
the ovenii. The oven, or stove, co!d as yet, looked 
aa high as an ordinary house, and was fiiH of men 
jnd women on temporary foctholdt.^ brukly pii^ 



r 



I 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 457 

isg up and stowing sway the dishes. The door 
of another oven, or stoVtf, aboUl lo be Cooled and 
emptied, was opened from above, for the uncom- 
mercial countenance to peer down into. The un- 
commercial counteiiairice withdrew itself, with ex- 
pedition BTid a sense of sittfocation, from the duli- 
glowing heat and the overpowering smell. On the 
wholcj perhaps the going into these stoves to work, 
when they are freshly opened, may be the worst 
part of the occupation. 

But I made it out to be indubitable that the 
ownera of these lead-mills honestly and seduloosly 
try to reduce the dangers of the occupation 10 the 
lowest point. 

A washing-piace is provided far the women (I 
thought there might have been more towels), and a 
room Id which tbey hang their clothes, and tzke 
their mealsi and where they have a good firc'rangc 
and iircj and a feinaie attendant to help them^ and ■ 

to watch that they do not neglect the cleansing of ■ 

dicir hands before touching their food. An cx- 
perienced medical attendant is provided for them, 
ajid any premonitory symptoms of lead- poisoning 
are carefully created. Their teapots and such 
thingj were set out on tables ready for theii after- 
noon meal, when I saw their room ; and it had a 
homely look. It is found that they bear the work 
much better than men : some few of them have 
been at it for years, and the great majority of those 

Kbaerved were scrorg and acdve. On the other 
d, h should be remembered that moat of them 
arc very capricious and irregular in their atrend- 
inec. 

American inveniivcness would seem to indicate 
thai: before very long white-lead may be made en- 
tirely by machinery. The sooner, thc^t'w:!. Vt^. 




458 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

the mcandmc, I parted from my two frank cod 
duciors over the mills, by tcHing [hem that ihcj 
had nothing thsre ;u be couceiikd, and tioihio| 
to be blamed for. As to the rest, tjie piiiHojopb] 
of t)ie matter ot" lead-poisoning and workpcopi 
Kccnis Eo me lo have been pretty fairly smnmcd ii^ 
by the IriBhwoman whom I quoted in my lonaf 
paper ; " Some of them gets lead-pitioncd soon, tin 
some of them gets lead-pisoncd later, and iomq 
but not many, niver ; and *tis all actording lo dii 
consdtooshmi, sur; and eome crrtisiitooahum 
itrong and some is weak." 

Reiracing my footsteps over my beat, I wen 
off duty. 




Chapter XXXV 

A PLEA FOR TOTAL ABSTIWEHCE 

NE day thU last WhitEundde, at pn^^| 
eleven o^clock In the forenoon, thcraSH 
dctily rode into the field of vievt' commanded t 
the windows of my lodging an equestrian pbcnom 
Don. It was a fellow-creacure on horscbad 
dressed in ihe absutdest manner. The fcllou 
creature wore high boots i some other (and mu 
larger) fcUow-creamre'^s breeches, of a. £lack-bak< 
doughy colour and a baggy form ; a blue ^hii 
whereof the skirt, or tail, was puflilv nicked in' 
the waist-band oj the said brrechM ; tio cost; 
red 3hi>ulder-bd[ ; and a demi-semi-mjlitar)' urarl 
hat, with B feathered oriiamctit in front, which, 
the uniiiAtnicted htiman vision. ha,d the appciran 
of a moulting shuttlecock. J Jaid down the now 
f«p« with which I had been occtipied, and 



■^^^V«. ioj ,^'=^ J'*^'! «>tin. tol''''^''"'*■ 
'^■^Cti-"'''"™" "4""■ 
^•^^t ^oin J,/', '^^^ « r„to J 




M 



'-□ciu. «na flDounaea in 

Iter Trophies had come up 
much waicring. The day be 

subordination of the large faannert 
hetisible. Each of these being be 
poles and stayed \vich some half- 
cairied, ss polite hooks !□ the 
be written, by "various hatids; 
expressed in the upturned faces . 
something between the anxiet 
balancing art, and that ioEcpsral 
of kite-Bying, with a touch of ihi 
in landing hia scaly prcy^ — mucl 
Suddenly, too, a banner would sh 
and go about in the most incuo 
This alwayj happened ottenest wj 
standards as thaae represenui 
black, corpulent with tea and vvj 
act of sulnrnarjiy reforming a fy 
linched with beer. The gcnileii 
nded by wind would then ccj 



tINCOMMBRCIAT.TItAVKI.tER 4«I 

l2Iy, my dear, 1 am not awtire that yon were 
■cquircti by any hucnoii being to do aijy thing 

intervals^ a gloom would fall on the passing 
ers of the proccsaioa, for which I tvas at first 
; td accDOSl. But this I discovered, after a 
observation, to be occasioned by the coming 
the execmiopcra^ — the terrible official bekigs 
were to make the apeechcs by-and-by.^who 
distributed in open ca.rriages at various paints 
; cavalcade. A dftrk cloud and. a sensation of 
aess, Hi from many wet blsnkets, invariably 
ded the rolling on of the dreadful car* con- 
theae headsmen ; sjid I noticed that the 
:hed people who closely followed thcm^ and 
were in a manner forced to contemplate their 
arms, complacent countenances^ and threat- 
lip>, were more overshadowed by the cloud 
damp than those in front. Indeed, 1 per- 
in some of these bo moody an impkcability 
rdj the magnates of the sca^old, and so plain 
to tear them litnb from limbj that I 
I respectfiill)' suggest to the managers rhe ex- 
icy of conveying the cxccutioneri to the 
of their dismal labours by unfrequented 
and in clojcfy-tihcd carta next Whitsunddc. 
e procession was composed of a series of 
■r proccBsioBB, which had come logeiher, cich 
its pwn metropolitan district. An inhiajon of 
oy became perceptible when patriotic Peck- 
advanced. 3d I judged, from the circum- 
t of Pcckham'a unfurling a fiilken banner that 
d heaven and earth with the words, ** The 
Lifeboat." No boat being m attendance, 
;h life, in the likeness of "a gallant^ gallant 
i" in naiJtical uniibrm, followed the Bag, I 



462 THa UNCOMMBRCUL TRAVBLI 



was led to tneiiitate on the fact that Peckhi 
leicribcd by geographer) a Xn inlatid $ettl( 
rith no larger or nearer shore-line than thei 
ing-path of the Surrey Canal, on which st 
station I had bce& pven to underBtand no 
exiar*. Thus I deduced an allegorical meaninf 
and came to the conclusion^ that if patriodc 
hacn picked a peck of pickled poetry, this a?4 
peck of pickled poetry which patriotic Peel 
picked. 

I have observed that the aggregate pr 
was on the whole pleasant Co see. I made 
that qaalified expression with a direct tut 
which I will now explain. It involves the tit 
lhi^ paper, md « little fair trying of teetotalis 
its own tests. There were many people on 
and matiy people in vehicles of varioLs kinds, 
former were pkaaant lo see, and the latter 
not pIcsBant to ace ; for the reason that 1 new 
any occdsion or onder any circumstances, hiv 
held heavier overloading of horses than ici ' 
public abow. Unless the imposition of a 
kden with from ten to twenty people on a 
horic be a moderate tasking of the poor crcatu 
the temperate n&c of horses waj iramoderUfl 
cmcl. From the smBlIcet and Ughtesi horse 
largest and heaviest, there were many irstane 
which the beast of burden was so shamdully 
laden, that the Society for Uic PrcvciiQol 
Cruelty to Animals have frequently inT 
less gross cases. 

Now, I have always held that there ms] 
and that there unquestionably is. such a thil 
use without abuse, and that theretbre ibe 
abolitionists ate irrational and wrong-hcuied- 
Ihc pnce&sion completely converted me. F<d 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 463 



I 



Uirge ■ number of tlae people u»mg driiiughi-borses 
Fin it were ao clearly unable to use ihem without 
abusing thetn, chat I perceived total abadnence 
[from horsefleah to be tkc only remedy ol* which 
I the case admitced. Aa ic is all one to teetotallers 
Lwhecher you takLe half a pint of beer or half a 
[gallon, 30 it was all one here whether the beaat of 
[burden were a pony or a. cart-horse. Indeed, my 
[case had tlie special strength that the half-pint 
Iquadrupcd underwent as much aulfering as the half- 
Kallon quadruped. Moral : total absdnence 5'om 
iborseHesh through the whole length and breadth 01 
Khe scale. This pledge will be in course of ad- 
imiristratjon to at] teetotaJ processionists, not pe- 
idestiians, at the publishing office of "AU the 
[year Round," on the isi day of April, 1S70. 
I Observe a point for consideration. This pro- 
Bpes&ioil comprised liiany persons in theh giga, 
■broughams, tai-cans, barouches, chaises, amd whac 
kiot, who were merdflil to the dumb beasts that 
krew them, and did not overcharge their strength, 
IWbat is to be done with thase ijnoffendiag per-- 
pons ? I will not run amuck and vilify and de- 
HiTne them, as teetotal tracts and platforms would 
knost assuredly do, if the quesuon were one of 
Idrinking instead of driving : I merely ask what is 
■o be done with chenri ! The reply admits of no 
■dispute whatever. Manifestly, in strict accord' 
BDce with teetotal doctrines^ thev must come in 
■00, and take the total absdnence &om horseflesh 
feledge. It is not pretended that those members of 
Khe procession misused certain auxiliaries which in 
■DOst countries atid all ages have been bestowed 
%3pon man for his ase, but it Js undeniable tha[ 
cithef tnembers of the ptocessLon did, Tctx^sxii. , 

'liAiTiarirjz Aemnnarrate thsir rVip 1p«ft i'n.ci\'uAjE:& vDI^I 



\ 



r 



464 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVE] 

greater ; that the guilty include the innoceoc, 
blind the fleeing, the deaf the hearing, the di 
the speaking, the dranJten the sober. If an; 
the moderate users of draught^cacclc in quci^ 
ahould deem that there is any gentle violence 
to their reason by these cleniencs of logic, theyj 
invited to come out of the procession 
Whitsuntide, and looli at it frcim my windovr. 




Chapter XXXVI 

TH£ RUFF1a:4 

I ENTERTAIN so strong an objection w 
enphoiiioua softeaing^ of RuSaji into Roi 
which has lately become popular, that 1 rcaiorf 
right word to the heading ot this psper ; the rai 
us my object is to dwell upon the fact thui 
Rudian ip tolerated among us to an extent tb>I 
beyond all unmffianly endurance. 1 ulte 
liberty to believe that il" the Rufljan besets 
a profcBSJoria] Ruffian at large in the o 
of K great city, noioriouBly having no other 
than that of RnSiiui, and of disquietiDg and duf 
ing me as I go peaceliiUy about my lawful 
ness, interfering ivith no one. then the Govern 
under which 1 have !he great consututional 
ilcge, lupreme honour and happiness, and all' 
rest of it, to exut, breaks down in the digch 
any Government's most simple elementary dun 

What did I read in the London daily pa 
the esrly days of this last September i Tl 
Police had " At length si^cc£CJi£t) IK 

Two OF THE HOTORIOUB GANG THAT HAVE iO 

fw/E^Eu THE Waterloo Road." Is it 



r 




Kb uncommercial travsllkr 



tt a wonderKil Police ! Here is a. straight, 
I, public thoroughiarc of immctisc resort ; half 
e long J gaa-lighied by night ; with a great gas- 
id railway station in it, extra the street lamps ; y 
>f shops; traversed by two popular cross Ltior- 
jfares of cGnsidcrable traffic; itself the main 
< TO the South of London ; and the admirable 
e have, after long iufestment of this dark and 
V sppc by a gang of Ruffians^ actually got 
of two of them. Why, can it be doubted 
any man of fair London knowledge and com- 
ireaokiioji, armed with the powers of the L^w, 
i have captured the whole contederacy in a 
If 

h to the saving up of the RuJHan class by the 
stracy Had Potice^-tp the conventional prc- 
tig of them, aa if ihcy were Panridgcs — -that 
number and audacity must be in great part re- 
Why is a notodoiiS Thief and Ruffian 
left at large ? He never turns his liberty to 
ccount but violence and plunder, he never did 
(r'a worJt out of gaol, he never will do a day's 
out of gaol. As a proved notoriotis Thief he 
frays conaignable to prison for tbree moachB, 
he comes out, he is surely a^ notariouji a 
as he was when he went in. Then send 
back again. "Just Heaven !" cries the So- 
for the proteciion of reinonairaiit RuSans. 
s 18 equivalent to a sentence of perpetual im- 
illieat ! " Precisely tor that reason it has my 
acy. I demand to have the Ruffian kept oui 
' way, and out of the way of all decent peo- 
I demand to have the Rtiffian employed, 
rce, in hewing wood and drawing water somc- 
for the general service, instead of hewing at 
ajesty'a aubjccts and drawuig their watches oul 




466 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

of tbdr poctctB, If ihia be termed an unrraiDniHF 
demand, then the ta3:-gaLhcrer's demand oa me nice 
be ikr more unreasoaable, and cannot be oiho- 
wise than pxtordonatc and ufijiiSt^ 

It will be seen diat I treat of the Thief and RaA 
Ean a3 one. I do go, because I know the xva 
characters lo be Dne^ in the vast majority ofctxt, 
just £3 well as the Police know it. (As to Uie 
Magistracy, with a few cxccptjona, they Ium* 
nothing aboui h but what (he Police choose lo tell 
them.) There are disorderly classes of men who 
are not thieves ; as railway-navigators, brickmalti 
WDod-gawyers, costermongcre. These claucs 
orten disorderly and troublesome ; but it b en 
among theiraelves, and at any rate they hive 
industriouB avacariouB, they work early and 
and work hard. The generic Rnffiin — honoi 
member for what is tenderly called the R 
Eieraeni — is either a Thic^ or the companion of 
Thievcu, When he mJamouily molests woi 
coming out of chapel on Sunday CT-cningi 
which J would have his back scaiiiied ottea 
deep) it ijs not only for the gratification of 
pleasant iiistuictS:^ but that there may be a com 
raiacd by which either he or his friends may 
in the commission of highway robberies or in 
ii)g pockets. When he geta a police-coui 
down and kicks him helpless for life, it is bei 
that constable once did his duty in bringing 
justice. When he rushes into the bar of s 
house and scoops on eye out of one of the 
pany there, or bites his car of, it it becauie 
man he jnaims gave evidence against bim, W 
he and a liflc of comrades extending acrou the 
way — say of that lolitary mouniain-»pur of 
j^tmiZKi, the "W aVct\«Q 'i<.u?.4— iiiv^wae to 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



-^fsltylarking " among themselves, mv purse or 
Jl-pin is ID predestined peril from his playfulneis. 
Lways a RufEan, always a Tkicf. Always a 
lief, always a Ruffian. 

Now, when I, who am not paid lo tnow these 
" igj, know ihera daily on the evidence of my 
ises and experience ; when I know that the 
never jostles a Udy in the streets, or linocks 
|hat off, but in order that the Thief may profit, it 
I surprising that I should require h-om those who 
ys paid to know these things, prevention of them ? 
' Look at this groap at a scree: comer. Number 
one is a shirking fellow of five-and 'twenty, in an 
ill-favoured and ill-Aavoured suit, his trousers of 
corduroy, his coat of some indiscernible ground* 
work for the deposition of grease, his neckerchief 
like an eel, hts complexion like dirty dough, hi» 
mangy fur cap pulled low upon his beetle brows to 
hide [he prison cut of his hair. His hands axe is 
his pockeis. He puts them there when they are 
idle, as DaruraUy as in other people's pocketa when 
they are busy, for he knows that they are noi 
roughened by work, and that they (ell a tale. 
Hence, whenever he takes one out to draw a sleeve 
across hii nose — which is ofieiir for he has vreak 
eyes and a constitutional cold in his head — he restores 
it to its. pocket immediately aiierward&. Number 
two is a. burly brute of five-and-thiny, in a laU adff 
hat ; is a composite as to his clothes of betung-man 
snd fighring-man ; is^ whiskered; has a staring pJn 
in his breast, along with his right hand ; has in- 
lent and cruel eyes ; large shoulders ; atnmg 
gi, booted and tipped for kicking. Number 
EC is forty years of age ; is short, thick >et| 
rong, and bow-legged ; wears knee corda and 
itc stockings, a very bng-skevcd waiBtcoat, ■ 



468 Tlffi UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLSE 



I 



I 



* 



very large neckerchief doubled or trebled twaii 
his thro3.t, and a crumpled whit's hat crowiutiiil 
gliapdy parchincnt Tace- This fellow loolts like ia| 
executed post-boy ot' other days, cut downfroo' 
the gxllawa too aoaa, and rcstared and prcicmi' 
bjr express diabDllcal agency. Number five, iil(| 
and seven, are huDdng, idle, slouching young mc 
patched and shabby, too short In the slccvci 
too tight in the lega,, slimily clothed, foul-spoke 
rcpalsive wretches inside and nut. In 
party there obtains a certain twitching chanictcn 
mouth and furtiveness of eye, that hint how 
coward i& lurking under the bully. The hbt 
H^iiite correct, (or they are a slinlong sncaidng: 
far more prone to lie down on their backs and \ 
out, when in difficulty, than to make a stand fori^ 
^This may account for the street mud on the bac 
of Numbers five, six, and seven, being 
fi-esher than the stale splashes on their legs.) 

These engaging gentry a Police- constable it 
contemplating. His Stadon, with a Reserve cfi 
&iatancc, is very near at hand. They cannot pt 
tend to any trade, not even to be poriera or 
aengera. It would be idle if they did, (at 
knows them, and they know that he knowi the 
W be nothing but professed Thieves and Ri 
He knows where they resort, knows by what slii 
names ihcy call one another, knows how often ti 
have been in prison, and how long, and for wli 
All thia is known at his Station, tqo, and a 
ought 10 be) knoivn at Scotland Yard, too. 
does he know, or does his Station know, or dfl 
Scotland Yard know, or does anybody know, 
these fellows should be here at hberty, when, 
reputed Thieves to whom a whole Diviaion 
JPolicc could swear, they might all be under Ic 




ItmCOMMBRCtAL TRAVELLER 469 



^c hard labour? Not he; irulj' he wouM 
^ man if he did ! He only knows that 
litember& of the " notorious gang,"^' which, 
I to the newspaper Police-office reporcs of 
bast September, "have so long inlestcd " 
I solitudes of the Waterloo Road, and out 
I almost impregnable faatnesscB the Police 
length dragged Two, (q the unspeakable 
b of all good civilians- 
jinscquences of this contemplative hiabit on 
tef the Executive — a habit to be looked 
thermit, but noc in a Police System — ^are 
p ua all. The Ruffian becomcB one of the 
id orders of the body politic. Under rhs 
inmc of Rough (as if he were merely a 
ijokcr) his movements and successes are 
Ion public occasions. Whether he inus- 
^ge cumbers, or small ; whether he was 
pirits, or depressed; whether he lurned his 
lexeriions to very prosperous account, or 
(Vas against him ; whether he was in a 
y mood. Or robbed with amiable horse- 
k gracious consideration for life and litnb ; 
h chronicled as if he were an Instltutian. 
jany city in Europe, out of England, in 
^se wrms are held with the pc&ts of So- 
Pr in which, at tlus day, such Wolent rob- 
bi the person are constantly committed as 

fepiritory Schools of RuffiaHiam arc simi- 
jc with. The young Ruffians of London 
geves yet, but training for scholarships and 
in the Criminal Court Uoiveirsities — 
lict people and their property, to an ex- 
is hardly credible. The throwing of 
the streets has become a dangeroua and 




470 THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 



destructive pScnce, which surely coald iuvt 
to no grexter hdgfat though we had had no B 
but Dur own riding-whips and waUung-sdcki 
police eq. which I myself appeal on these oco: 
The throwing ot" stones at the windows ot' rail' 
carriages in mouon— -an act of wanton mci 
with the very Arch-Fiend's hand in it — had 
come a crying evil, when chc raiJway com' 
forced it on PoUce notice. Coustabular cc&i 
don had undi then been the order of the d«y. 

Wiihin tlicsc twelve months, there arose am' 
the young gentlemen of London aspiring to Ruffiai^ 
WDf and cultivadng that much -encouraged ioaii 
*rt, a facetious cry of **ri] have ihia ! '* acnm- 
pankd with a clutch at some article of a pautsg 
lady'j dress. I have known a lady's veil to be 
thus humoTously torn from her iace and varricJ off 
In the open streets at noon, and I have had ik 
honour of myself giving chase, on Westnui 
Bridge, to another young RuiBan. who, io full 
light early on a auramer evening, had atxrly thn 
a modest young woman intu a sivoon of iisdii 
uon and confiision, by his itiaincfol manner di 
tactring her with this cry as she harmlessly 
along before me. Mr. Caxlyle, same time si 
awakened a little pleasantry by writing of his 
experience of the Ruffian of the streets. I 
seen the RuiHan act in exact accordance with 
Carlylc's description, innumerable times, a 
never S3VV him checked. 

The blaring use of the very worst languaft^ 
ble, in our public thoroughfares — cspedall 
lOBC set apart ibr recreation — ts anodicrdiign 
Ds, and another result of constabulaf contcin|:dai 
the like of which i have never heard in anjr 
country to which my uncommerdai tnvda 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 471 



, when I had a near interest 
in certain ctiildren who were scni with their nuracs; 
for air and cjtcrci&Ci into the Regent's Park, I found 
this evit to be so abhorrent and horrible there, that 
J called public attCDtioo to it, and also to its con- 
teniplstive rrception by the Police. Looking after- 
vnrda into the newest Paiice Act, and itindmg that 
the offence was puniahitble under it, I resolved, 
tvhen sinking occasion should arise, to try my hand 
as prosecutor. The accasioti arose fiOOQ eaaugh, 
and I ran the fallowing gauntlet. 

The utterer of the base coin In question was a 
gjrl of seventeen or eighteen, who, with a suitable 
attendance of blackguards, youths, and boys, was 
flaunting along the streets, returning from an Irish 
funeral, in a Progress interspersed with Elinging and 
dandng. She had turned round to tne and ei- 
presaed herself in the mast audible manner, to the 
great delight of that select circle. I attended the 
party, on the opposite side of the way, for a tnJle 
further, and then encountered a pDlicc-consiablc 
The party had made ihcfrselves merry at my ex- 
pense urtil now, but seeing me ipeak to the con- 
etabte, its male members inataxttly toolt to their 
beeis, ieaviQg ibe girl alone. I asked the constable 
did he know my name? Yea, he did. "Take 
that girl into custody, on my charge, for using bad 
language in the streets,'* He had never heard of 
such a charge. 1 had. Would he take my word 
that he should get into no trouble ? Yes, sir, he 
would do thst. So he look the girl, and I went 
home for my Police Act, 

With this potent instrument in my pocket, I 
literally as well as figuratively '* returned to the 
charge," and presented inysclf at the Police Station 
acre, 1 fot 



47» THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER 

iciUgcnt In$pector (they are all intelUgem mi 
who, likewise, had never heard of such a cha 
I showed falm my clause, and we went over ic 
gethcr twice or thrice. It was pkin, and 1 
gaged to wait upon the auburbon Magisiraie 
morraw morning at ten o'clock. 

In the moftiing J put my Police Act in 
pocket again, and waited on the saburban Ma 
trace. I was not quite so courteously receiver 
him as J should have been by The Lard Chanc 
or The Lord Chief Juatice, but that was a cjue 
ofgQod breeding on the suburban Magistrate's t 
and I had my clause ready with its leaf tui 
down. Which was enough for ntf. 

Conference took place between the Maglsl 
and clerk respecdng the charge. During cdi 
cnce J was evidently regarded as a much more 
jectionabic peraon thin the priaoner ;— one gi 
trcuble by coming there voluntarily, which 
priaoner could nqt be accused of doings The JJ 
(mer had been got up, since I la&t hsd the plead 
of seeing her, with a greac effen of white apn 
and straw bonnet. She reminded me of en cH 
tjster of Red Riding Ht^od, and I seemed tO': 
mind the s^'mpsthising Chimney Sweep by vh 
she was attended, of t:he Wolf. 

The Magiatrate was doubtful, Mr, UncataOl 
cial Traveller, whether thii charge could be eat 
tained. It was not known. Mr. Uncomma 
Traveller replied that he wished it were h< 
known, and that, il' he could alTord the losurei 
wonld use his endeaiVDur& to make it so. Tj 
waa no quesuon about it, however, be contend 
Here was the clause. ( 

The clause was handed in, and more con^ 
resuhed. After which I was asked the 



m^mm 



4^3 

ry question ; *' Mr. Uncomraerdal»do you really 
sh this girl to be ecm to prison ?" To which I 
ily answered, staring: "If I didn't, why 
ihould I take the trouble to cothc here?" Finally, 
I Was sworn, and gave mjr agreeable evidence in 
gtail, and White Riding Hood was fined ten shill- 
p, under the clause, or scnc to prison for so 
jy days. ** Why, Lord bless you, sir," said 
Po]ice-ofiicer,who showed tne out, ivith a grcaL 
^"oyment of the jest of her having been got up so 
:crively, and caused so much hesitation : *' if she 
to prison, that will be nothing new to /ler. 
cornea from Charles Street, Drury Lane ! "'^ 
tThe Police, all things considered, are an exccl- 
\t force, and I have borne my small testimony 
their merits. Constabutar contemplation ig the 
jlt of a bad system j a system which i» admin- 
red, not invented, by the man in canaiablc'j 
Edfornn, employed at twenty sbiltings a week. He 
hia orders, and would be maiked for discomagc- 
it if he overstepped them. That the system ii 
I» there needs no lengthened largument to prove, 
J8C the fact is self-evident. If it were auy- 
qg else, the results that have attended it could 
possibly have cnmc to pass. Who will say 
M ander a ^ood system, our streets could have 

into their present state ? 

|The objection to the wh.oIc Police system, as 

nceming the Rnfiian, may be stated, and lis 

lure exemplified, as follows. It is well known 

It on all great occasions, when they come to- ^V 

ther in numbers, the mass of the English people 

their own trustworthy Police. It is wcU 

jwn that wheresoever there la collected together 

fair general representation of the people, a rc- 

for Eau' and order, and a determination to 



i^a 



■ 474 TH 



THE UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVEI.LER 



I 



> 



/ 



AacooBtenance bwkssaas and disorder, nra^ 
re&ed upon. Ai to one tnother, che people 
TOT good IV>I)cv, mad yet vrc quite willing in 
gopd-DariiK that the sdpendixry Police should hn 
the credit of the people's niodcradon. But we 
aQ of OS powcHeH against the Rt^Hiatif because 
iabmit to the kw, and it i& his only trade, 
it^xrior force and by violence, to defy it. Mc 
awTf we are conststrtly adjDonishcd from 
places (£ke so many Sunday-ftcihool children out 
a holiday of boiut and millt-and-watcr) that we 
not to take the Is into o\it own handa, boi are'i 
hand oar defence over to it. It is clear that 
common enemy eo be ponished atid extermiaat 
£nt of all is the Rcfiian. It is clear that he is, 
all others, fhe ofirnder for whose reprcsaal 
Tusifitain ^ costly system of Police. Him, the 
fere, we expressly present to the Police to d^ 
with, conscious that, on the whole, we can, 
do, d«l reasonably well t*ith one aoother. H| 
Irhe Felice deal with eo itjcfficienrly and ab&urc 
that he flourishes, and multiplies, and, with all 
evil deeds upon his head as notoriously as hi? 
is,ja£ tad_ e a the fitrects mth no more tct or 
drancc than oiir&eEves. 



TBE EKD 



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O'' 



21464.17 
widww 




3 2044 086 819 786