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D  2007  lEbBMEl  7 

California  State  Library 


156781 


Accession  No.  - 


Call  N 


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05\      >!3 

y,  IP 


98767     11-32     lOM       CALIF 


ORNIA   STATE   PRINTING   OFFICE 


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J         I 


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Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

in  2012  with  funding  from 

California  State  Library  Califa/LSTA  Grant 


http://archive.org/details/waspjanjune188310unse 


THE  CELEBRATED 

iHAMPAGNE  WINES 

i  Measre.  Dkvt?  ft  Qbldbruans  Ay,  en  Champagne. 


CACHET    BI.AXt- Extra    Wry, 

In  ctiaes  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

UgBDEAEX   RED   AND  WHITE   MIXES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Liize  &  Fils. 

MOCK     WINES, 

cases  from  0.  M.  Pabatniann  Sohn,  Mainz. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND     GIN, 

FRENCH      lilt  t  Mills, 

■■OUT,     SHERRY,     Elc. 
In  bond  or  duty  pnlil. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
:;ls    Front     Street,    Room    g,     San    Frnnciseo 


I 


FRAGRANT 


0 


arles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314      SACRAMENTO      STREET. 


a 


CHAMBERLAIN  &  ROBINSON 

PROPRIETORS. 


IIACIFIC 
f     BUSINESS 
AOLLEGE. 
U32Q 


Post   )«. 
Street,  Bit  i 


»"SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS 


Leopold  Bro's 
'LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny. 
Bouquets,  Baskets. Wreathes.Crosse: 


S 


s 

MOM'V 

Street. 


"hotographer. 


LLEN   NTGARYaCO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

IQUOR    MERCHANTS, 

822  and  824  FRONT  STKEET, 

N    FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


SlpOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

lipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

I    li  2  0     and     13  3     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

sr/.mento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR     SALE     BV    ALL    DRUGGISTS. 


James  Siiea.         A.   Bocqueraz.         R.  McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  .laekson   Streets, 

SAX     FRANCISCO. 

E.     M  A  RTI  N     &    Co., 

Importei    ind  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"MILTON    •>.    HARDY." 

".r.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old    Houruon    Whiskies. 

408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 

s  o  h:  L  I  T  z  = 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING-,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

EICHARD8    &    HARRIS  0:N\ 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.  Corner    SAX  SOME   and    SACRA.HEXTO    Streets,   San   Francisco. 


HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

314  I'nllfbrnfit  St.,  Satii  Francisco,  Cal. 


"Excelsior  !  "        "Excelsior  I" 

C.     ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  (Masonic  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gaa  specialists  for  extraetin^r  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,    8    and     10, 

Entrance,  SOG  Market  street. 

Dr.  CIIAS  ,V.    I, ECU 


EDWARD    E.   OSBOKN. 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(Auk  ri 

320    CALIFORNIA     STREET,! 

Correspondent* 

Australia,  Montreal,  Berl 


Hi 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &.  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

DXANOflHazelton  Bros 
First  Glass,    V   halleti&  cumston, 

"  Medium  Price,  A 


l 


A.  M.  BENHAM, 
OHAS.  S.  EATON. 


FINE  OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


FULL    VALUE 

i,     FOR   YOUR  MONEY 


647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

ii 


«9emS. 


321  MONTGOMERY  BTSlCJ 

Formerly  United  Ar     , 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Go's 

dweserJeerJi 

"  '■ ' 


i  Francisco,  Cal. 

ociation. 


Photographs 
House  worth's 

The  Highest  Standard  of  Excellence, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and    Mioe    Maker, 


^T  Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Rest  Work, 
lunnship. 


IEUSSDORFFEB/S  HATS  ARE  "THE" 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMEP" 
and  404  KEARNY  Street 


BUY   TOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CAR  MM,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCOESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULM  ANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet,  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  t*an  Francis<o. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS-  German 
Sausages.  A.  It  II  ><  HE. 

CHAMPAGNE! 

1)111  MONOPOLE  (extra), 

t.  ROEOERER  (sweet  ami  dry), 
1IOET  A  CIIA.XDON. 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(Jons  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
4S"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

683  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
nils.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.      D., 

(Oculist.) 
TflORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
"  removed  to  Pbelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12m.  to 3 p.m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  anil  lit,  Market  street, 
\os.  II  ami  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDONALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

817  to  335  Spear  St.,  -.'is  to  ■;■.•<!  Smart  St. 
San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


olters  Brothers <&. Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 


W. 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Danbri.  Henry  Casanova 

F  .     DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

WINES,   LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  ami  39  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Druram,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


§AN  pRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERI 
Capital  Stock 


(200,000. 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 
Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 

UUD0LPH  M0HR,  Secretary. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    "■" 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
:  |!V       SPARKLING 

WINES, 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

BaTNone  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  "Label  and  Cork 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
M111.    F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 

WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  <5c  CO. 
shipping  and 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

A&ENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
Mich.  Ashton  &  Son"s  Fait. 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

J?2j£6  MONTGOMERY  ST.  8LS.LC0R.  SUTTER  &DUP.QNI,ST5-,...."^' 

'sKsvS.  ■ .  _        -  S  F 


Drink 

BOCA! 


The    Only 
LAGER 


BEER 


L.    P.    DEGEN,    Maker    o 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


O 


pq 


0 
o 


Go]  J  Seal  Is 

■Premiere    Quolite 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 

A  M  P  A  G  N   E" 

Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         ^mm 
SOS    MONTGOMERY  St.,  San   Franeisco. 


CH 
Pu 


H.    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

KNOW   MANNING'S 

Oyster    Ghotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS  ,  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Alien  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP  _A.   IP  IE    ~El 


OF    ALL     KINDS. 


II.:  and  415  Sau.some  St. 


Brewed   on   the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office: 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refiner}',  Eighth  anil  Rrannan  streets. 

OLATJS  SPREOKELB President 

J.  D.  SPREOKELB Vice-Preident 

A.  B.  SPREOKELB Beoretory 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
'  including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.   umilphf.  low,  Presided! 
oiiicc    -ios  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 

— —    v  -  — 


CVOL.IO- 


X?3<36. 


SAfaS&P  /fr r//s  />asr <?*/?/&  jr s/trf /mtfC'SCC C'i  M0  JOtf/rtt  rf>f  rWf«>;r;'W  -rffl0O6tf   7#f  /Mf/ts  s?r  Sscd¥Q  MASS  wr^s 


THE        BEAUTIFUL        SNOW 


THE     WASP. 


THE     WIFE'S    APPEAL. 


I  love  to  go  a  shopping 

With  a  dollar. 
To  buy  a  pair  of  stockings 

Or  a  collar ; 
I  smile  so  sweetly  on  the  clerk, 
I  make  him  "  hump  himself  "  and. work 

For  my  dollar. 

I  stay  an  hour  or  .over 

With  my  dollar. 
When  shopping  I'm  in  clover 

You  can  hollor ; 
When  I'm  tired  I  just  walk  out, 
And  the  clerk  sits  down  to  pout 

For  my  dollar. 

But  I  made  the  rounds  at  last 

With  my  dollar ; 
And  I  go  home  so  fast 

With  my  collar ; 
And  that  little  evening's  walk 
Keeps  me  just  a  week  in  talk 

About  my  dollar. 
It's  nice  to  go  shopping 

With  a  dollar ; 
To  buy  a  pair  of  stockings 

Or  a  collar 
Now,  husband,  do  not  judge  me  ; 

Dear  Hubbv,  don't  begrudge  me 

'Nother  dollar. 


LAUGHORISMS. 


A  man  overbored — The  country  editor. 


Caws  and  effect — Crows  and  a  shotgun. 


One  pleasing  feature  about  horseshoe  jewelry  is 
that  it  isn't  life-size.  . 


Student  (act  very  clear  as  to  his  lesson)  :  "That's 
what  the  author  says,  anyway.''  Professor:  "I 
don't  want  any  author;  I  want  you!'  Student 
(despairingly)  :     "  Well,  you've  got  me." 

Bookseller  :  "  What  sort  of  books  do  you  want, 
sir?"  Customer:  "Oh,  such  books  as  a  gentle- 
man generally  has."  Bookseller:  "About  how 
many?"  Customer:  "  Wal,  my  library  is  12x15, 
and  I  want  to  fill  it."  Bookseller:  "Will  you 
have  them  bound  in.  Russia  or  Morrocco  ?"  Cus- 
tomer :  "You  need'nt  seend  them  so  far.  Have 
them  bound  in  New  York." 


"  That  man  is  a  phrenologist,  Pat. "  "A  phat  V 
asked  Pat,  puzzled.  "A  phrenologist."  "  Phat's 
that  ?"  "  Why  a  man  that  can  tell,  by  feeling  the 
bumps  on  your  head,  what  kind  of  a  man  you 
are."  "  Bumps  on  me  head,  is  it  ?"  exclaimed  Pat. 
"Begorra,  then,  I  should  think  it  would  give  him 
more  of  an  oidea  phat  kind  of  a  woman  me  wife 
is." 


Once  upon  a  time  an  editor  in  search  of  food 
was  compelled  to  pawn  his  diamond  shirt  studs  for 
a  loaf  of  bread.  While  conveying  the  humble 
meal  to  his  castle  a  hungry  dog  ran  off  with  it, 
and  a  few  minutes  later  robbers  relieved  the  editor 
of  his  watch.  Instead  of  being  rattled  by  these 
untoward  incidents,  the  editor  smilingly  remarked : 
"I  thank  the  gods  that  I  still  have  my  appetite 
left."  We  are  taught  by  this  little  fable  that  true 
contentment  is  the  greatest  of  all  journalistic 
boons. 


A  Connecticut  lecture  is  called  "A  Night  in  a 
Volcano."  The  author  passed  a  night  once  in  a 
bed  in  a  country  hotel  in  Western  Pennsylvania. 


An  Austin  clergyman  visited  the  jail  a  few  days 
ago,  and  asked  one  of  the  prisoners  if  he  did  not 
want  something  interesting  to  read,  offering  him  a 
tract  with  the  title  :  "  The  Sinfulness  of  Glut- 
tony. " 

The  prisoner  shook  his  head  and  replied  : 

"  I've  got  some  reading  matter  that  interest  me 
more  than  that." 

"What  is  it?" 

"Yesterday  I  had  a  copy  of  the  indictment 
served  on  me,  and  to-morrow  I'm  going  to  get  a 
list  of  the  jurors  that  are  to  try  me." 


cold  perspiration  on  an  agonized  brow  inspire,  the 
matter  of  making  a  reputation  at  present,  either 
as  a  humorist  or  horse  trainer,  is  not  nearly  si) 
easy  as  in  days  that  have  tumbled  over  the  jump- 
ing-off  place  of  time.  There  was  a  time  when  the 
skilful  recital  of  a  few  neighborhood  jokes  would 
brand  a  man  as  a  humorist,  but  now,  hard,  persist- 
ent, sleepless,  shirtless  work  is  required  ;  and  even 
then  the  candidate  "is  in  danger  of  being  refused 
credit  at  a  cabbage  stall. 


When  luck  knocks  at  the  door,  it  often  finds  the 
man  inside  too  lazy  to  lift  the  latch. 


A  portly  old  merchant  was  advised  by  his  physi- 
cian to  take  hurse-back  exercise.  He  had  not  been 
on  a  horse  since  he  was  a  boy,  he  said.  They  put 
him  on  an  easy-going,  tractable  horse,  and  he  jog- 
ged about  the  ring  for  one  hour  faithfully.  Then 
he  dismounted  stiffly,  with  many  grimaces  and  a 
few  pithy  remarks,  waddled  into  the  office  and  de- 
clared himself.  "That,"  said  he,  "let's  me  out. 
I  can  get  exactly  the  same  results -for  half  the 
money  and  in  half  the  time,  by  hiring  my  porter 
to  kick  me." 


"  Why  do  dogs  have  fleas  ?"  a  young  naturalist 
asks  us.  Dear  boy,  that's  just  what  the  dogs  are 
anxious  to  know.   _ 


When  the  dry  goods  house  of  Dollar  Bill  &  Co. 
opened .  business  in  New  York  the  manager  was 
particular  about  the  character  of  the  employees.  To 
one.  of  the  travelers,  who  seemed  in  need  of  extra 
advice,  he  said  :  "  I  hope,  sir,  you  will  do  every- 
thing in  your,  power  to  sustain  the  honor  of  the 
house."  "Yes,  sir;  yes,  sir  ;  depend  upon  me," 
replied  the  traveler,  as  he  set  forth.  In  three  days 
word  reached  the  firm  from  Syracuse  that  this  par- 
ticular man  was  on  a  spree  in  that  city,  but  it  was 
five  or  six  days  before  the  firm  could  get  an  answer 
to  any  of  its  telegrams  ordering  him  home.  At 
last  he  wrote  :  "  Drummer  from  Boston  said  he 
could  out  drink  any  hyena  connected  with  our 
house.  Took  me  four  days  to  lay  him  out,  but  I 
was  bound  to  sustain  our  sacred  honor  or  bust. 
Shall  I  let  any  one  bluff  me  at  poker  I  Forgot  to 
ask  before  I  left  home.     I  go  West  from  here." 


Speaking  with  all  the  seriousness  that  beads  of 


Just  down  the  intervale  where  the  brake  grows 
rank,  she  placed  her  easel  and  sat  down  by  it, 
sketching  from  nature:  "Please  ma'am,  is  that 
me  you're  drawing  milking  that  cow  in  the  pic- 
ture ?"  "  Why,  yes,  my  little  man,  but  I  didn't 
know  you  were  looking."  "  Coz  if  it's  me,"  con- 
tinued the  boy,  unmindful  of  the  artist's  confu- 
sion, "you've  put  me  on  the  wrong  side  of  the 
cow,  and  I'll  get  kicked  way  off  the  lot." 


A  correspondent  asks  why  it  is  that  no  bride- 
groom can  recall  the  first  words  spoken  to  his  bride 
when  they  had  found  themselves  alone  in  the  car- 
riage which  is  to  bear  them  away  on  their  honey- 
moon. Why?  The  secret  of  forgetful  n  ess  is  that 
he  has  already  said  to  her  everything  he  could 
think  would  interest  her,  everything  that  does  in- 
terest him.  His  conversational  resources  are  ex- 
hausted, and  he  has  nothing  to  say.  Instead  of  an 
important  speech,  he  utters  some  dreamy  common- 
place, throws  himself  back  into  the  cushions,  de- 
voutly thanking  heaven  "the  thing  is  over." 
Thus,  before  the  honeymoon  is  five  minutes  old,  the 
bridegroom  breaks  down. 


THE    NEW    YORK    SUNDAY     LAW. 


"Now  my  vriend, "  the  barber  said,  having 
bolted  the  donr  and  begun  to  lather  the  reporter's 
face,  "you  vos  porn  by  America  und  I  peen  an 
American  citizen.  Ve  oughter  veel-broud  of  dot. 
Here  ve  pe  mit  ter  door  polted  nnd  parred,  mit  der 
vinder  plinds  trawn  town,  und  mit  ter  gas  purning 
py  ter  taylight.  Der  achent  uf  der  society  vich 
idself  vorks  on  Sunday  to  keep  der  rest  der  peeple 
from  vorking  is  shpying  at  ter  door.  Der  bolees- 
men  are  rushing  der  sdreed  along  mit  parbers, 
krocers  und  putchers  py  der  nape  der  neck  and  vill 
dem  all  lock  up  py  der  chails.  Der  leedle  news- 
poys  peen  vrightened  out  of  deir  lifes.  TJnd  here 
ve  are  drembling  like  biokbockets  vor  vear  ve  peen 
arrestet.  Now  let  us  dry  dot  pootivul  hymn  to 
rememper : 

"  My  coundry,  dis  uf  dee, 
Sweet  lant  uf  liperty. 

"I  can  get  a  nutshell  insite  der  whole  dings. 
Der  benal  gode  been  in  der  inderest  uf  golt  water. 


Veil,  I  peen  in  vafer  uf  larker  peer  ;  ven  haf  effer 
you  heert  of  larker  peer  doing  such  damitches 
vot  der.  water  in  der  Rhine  riffer.done  last  veek  in 
Europe  ? 

' '  Der  parber  der  negst  shair  py,  vich  is  dot  vel- 
ler  dot  grazy  chokes  got  vere  oughder  peen  his 
prains,  he  got  hitnzelluf  ofl"  yon  vunny  dings.  He 
treamed  he  tied,  he  sayt,  und  vent  to  heffen  ;  und 
shtanding  der  gate  arount  vos  a  big  growd  of 
beeple.  Some  of  tern  his  vrends  peen.  Den 
gomes  St.  Beder  out.  '  So  helluj.  me  ciashus  !'  he 
hat  sayt,-  fvy,  how  vos  dees  ?  Here  comes  effery 
tay  a  barty  of  New  Yorgers.  I  neffer  haf  some 
New  Yorgers  zeen  pefore. ' 

"  'I  vill  choost  dell  you  apouddot,'  von  of  dem 
vellers  hat  sayt.  '  Ve  used  to  pe  like  der  rest  der 
vorld,  but  now  ve  got  to  gome  here  py  der  law.' 

"Py  shimminy hooky,  dot  parber  a  vool  of  him- 
self makes  mit  zUch  a  chokes  like  dot." — The  Sun- 


THE    "  SECOND    ADVENT." 

"I  would  like  to  have  an  advertisement  in- 
serted." 

This  is  a  slogan  that  would  resurrect  a  dead  man 
behind  a  newspaper  counter,  and  the  clerk  turned 
as  if  moved  byan  electric  current,  and  ejaculated  : 

"  Yes,  sir  ;  want  the  top  of  the  column,  I 
s'pose  ?  " 

"  No  ;  I  am  not  particular,"  said  the  advertiser. 

"  Want  it  inside,  next  leading  editorial  ?  " 

"  Either  page  will  answer,"  replied  the  other. 

"  Want  a  cut  of  a  death's  head  and  marrow  bones, 
or  a  sore  leg  to  make  it  attractive,  or  a  portrait  of 
the  advertiser  with  long  hair  and  a  turn  down 
shirt  color  1  " 

"  Clear  type,  black  ink  and  white  paper  are 
good  enough  for  me,''  was  the  response. 

"All  right;  want  head  line  in  type  an  inch 
longer  than  Jenkins'  ad.  in  next  column,  or  will 
you  have  it  put  in  upside  down,  or  your  name  in 
crooked  letters  like  forked  lightning  all  over  it  ?  " 

"  No  ;  a  plain,  straightforward  advertisement 
in  space  of  four  inches  will  answer  my  purpose  ?" 

"  Good  enough.  Want  about  ten  inches  of  no- 
tice free,  don't  you  ?  Family  history  ;  how  your 
grandfather  blacked  Washington's  boots  once ; 
mention  of  yourself  as  a  member  of  a  circulating 
library,  church,  tire  company,  co-operative  store, 
base-ball  club,  and  other  important  public  posi- 
tions ?  " 

The  customer  said  he  did  not  care  for  any  notice. 

"  Of  course,"  said  the  clerk,  "  you  wrant  a  paper 
sent  to  each  member  of  the  firm  ;  one  for  yourself 
and  the  privilege  of  taking  half  a  dozen  copies  off 
the  counter  for  the  next  year  or  two  because  you 
advertise  ?  " 

The  gentleman  expected  to  pay  for  his  paper  and 
asked  the  price  of  the  advertisement. 

The  delighted  clerk  figured  it  up,  and  then 
asked  : 

"  If  we  send  the  bill  around  in  about  a  year  you 
can  tell  the  boy  when  to  call  again,  cant  you  ?  " 

"  No,  I  will  pay  now,"  said  the  other,  taking 
out  a  roll  of  bills. 

The  newspaper  man's  eyes  bulged  as  he  said  : 

"  Ah  !  you  want  to  ask  for  75  per  cent,  discount 
and  25  per  cent,  off  for  cash  ?  " 

"  I  am  ready  to  pay  fair  cash  for  value  received. 
Tell  me  your  regular  rates  and  here  is  the  money." 

A  beatific  expression  spread  over  the  wan  face  of 
the  worn  clerk,  and  he  murmured  : 

"  Stranger,  when  did  you  come  down  and  when 
do  you  expect  the  apostles  along?" 


FOREIGN    ETIQUETTE. 


In  China  no  conversation  is  allowed  at  dinner 
except  remarks  upon  the  food — complimentary,  of 
course — as,  for  example,  to  the  host  : 

"Oh,  Beaming  Sun,  essence  of  gentility,  deign 
to  allow  the  miserable  worm  at  your  feet  to  remark 
(casually)  that  this  chow-chow  is  prime  1"  or  words 
to  that  effect. 

In  India,  especially  in  Lucknow,  they  are  excru- 
ciatingly polite.  Two  natives,  once  upon  a  time, 
fell  into  a  ditch.  You  think  they  floundered  out 
in  a  twinkling  %  They  didn't  anything  of  the 
kind.     Politeness  interfered  ;  one  said  : 

"When  your  honor  rises,  then  I  may  get  up." 

"No,  your  honor  must  get  up  first,"  said  the 
second. 

"How  can  I  take  precedence  of  your  honor? 
Never  !" 

Neither  would  consent  to  violate  the  laws  of 
good  breeding,  and  they  are  lying  there  yet. 


156781 


THE    WASP. 


A     NOBLE     BOOK. 


Mr.  Loring  Pickering's  "  Hark  from  the  Toral)." 


Among  t!...'  poetsoi  California  Mr.  Pickering  has 
ever  held  an  honored  place.  Ml-  was  presenl  as 
midwife  at  the  birth  «.f  our  Pacific  coast  literature, 
and  as  undertaker  he  will  be  at  itadeath.  Indeed, 
it  was  in  his  capacity  as  undertaker  that  he  began 
to  be  famous.  In  tin'  year  L849  lie  was  employed 
;u*  Bereaved  Survivor-Soother  in  the  coffin  and 
shroud  palace  of  the  popular  undertaker,  Mr. 
.lames  Maginn,  and  such  was  his  personal  magnet- 
ism that  the  heart  bowed  down  instinctively  in- 
clined his  way.  He  at  once  engaged  the  confi- 
dence of  the  afflicted  and  compelled  the  respect  or 
the  deceased.  His  words  of  professional  condol- 
ence were  so  aptly  chosen  and  studiously  rehearsed 
that  those  who  came  to  weep  remained  to  smile. 
Among  Mr.  Pickering's  duties  at  this  stage  of  his 
career  was  that  of  writing  verses  to  accompany  the 
death  notices  in  the  daily  newspapers.  It  may 
not  be  generally  known  to'  the  public  that  these 
literary  adjuncts  to  the  bald  and  somewhat  repel- 
lant  obituary  statements  under  the  head  of 
"Died"  are  supplied  by  the  undertakers,  in  ac- 
cordance with  the  customary  carte  blanche  order  to 
"furnish  whatever  is  necessary."  It  is  true,  they 
are  commonly  signed  "His  Sorrowing  Mother," 
"Her  Aunt,"  "The  Bereaved  Family,"  etc.,  but 
they  are  invariably  written  in  the  cotlin  shop  and 
charged  in  the  bill  at  so  much  per  line,  according 
to  the  age  of  the  deceased,  the  financial  solidity  of 
the  surviving  relations,  and  the  merit  of  the 
poetry.  The  system  was  not  of  Mr.  Pickering's 
invention,  but  as  its  most  illustrious  exponent  he 
may  be  said  to  have  made  it  his  own.  In  this 
peculiar  Held  he  may  be  said  to  have  achieved  his 
greatest  artistic  triumph  and  his  widest  popular 
success.  Indeed  it  is  to  this  circumstance  that  we 
are  indebted  for  the  founding  of  the  Morning  <',<!/ 
newspaper,  Mr.  Maginn  having  early  perceived 
the  financial  advantage  of  having  an  "organ"  in 
which  his  gifted  employee's  effusions  might  be  pre- 
served intact  for  republication  in  book  form,  as 
has  now  been  done.  With  the  subsequent  consoli- 
dation of  the  undertaking  establishment,  under 
the  management  of  Mr.  Maginn,  and  the  news- 
paper, with  Mr.  Pickering  upon  the  editorial  stool, 
the  public  is  already  familiar.  The  partnership 
has  been  productive  of  the  happiest  results,  the 
payments  of  the  afflicted  being  all  kept  in  one  firm 
and  divided  equally  between  the  concern  that 
buries  the  body  and  the  one  that  immortalizes  the 
memory. 

At  the  end  of  each  calendar  year  Mr.  Picker- 
ing's consolatory  metrical  effusions  are  brought  out 
in  book  form  under  the  title  of  Baric  from  the 
Tenth— For  tin-  Yr.tr  is — .  The  volume  for  the  year 
1882  is  before  us.  It  is  appropriately  bound  in 
ebony,  with  ivory  skull  and  cross-bones  in  the 
centre  of  the  cover.  Around  the  edges  are  admir- 
ably engraved  heads  of  collin-screws  in  silver.  The 
paper  on  which  the  book  is  printed  is  of  excellent 
quality,  deeply  bordered  with  black,  each  page 
containing  but  a  single  poem,  from  four  to  twelve 
lines  in  length,  appended  to  a  brief  statement  of 
the  name,  sex.  age  and  date  of  death  of  the  person 
in  honor  of  whose  memory  the  verses  are  written. 
Below  will  be  found  some  of  the  best  and  brightest 
examples  of  Mr.  Pickering's  workmanship.  In  pre- 
senting them  here,  we  have  considerately  omitted 
the  accompanying  prose  and  made  such  alterations 
of  names  as  would  disguise  the  identity  of  the  de- 
ceased and  permit  the  work  to  stand  squarely  upon 
its  literary  merit.  No  particular  classification  has 
been  attempted,  further  than  to  place  first  such 
lines  as  are  veriations  of  one  theme— Mr.  Picker- 
ings famous 

Dearest  father  thou  hast  left  us, 

And  thy  loss  we  deeply  feel ; 

Cut  'tis  God  who  hath  bereft  us— 

He  can  all  our  sorrows  heal, 

Written  for  the  remains  of  Mr.  Joaquin  Murietta. 
In  these  lines  Mr.  Pickering's  genius  was  at  man- 
hood's high  noon  and  his  hand  struck  twelve  ;  with 
great  judicion  he  has  ever  since  devoted  his  best 
inspiration  to  attempts  at  equaling  that  incompa- 
rable performance  by  reworking  its  central  idea. 

Little  Jessie,  thou  hast  left  us, 

And  thy  loss  we  deeply  feel, 
For  the  one  we  loved  so  dearly 

Has  forever  passed  away. 

-~W.  K. 

You  have  left  me,  dearest  husband, 


Ami  your  loss  I'll  deeply  feel ; 
lint  <  rod  loved  you  the  best, 
Relieved  you  "f  your  suffering 
Ami  called  you  to  his  home, 

'I'"  Bpend  your  life  in  happiness 

In  a  bright  and  eternal  home. 

-  F.  II. 

Dearest  father,  you  have  left  us, 

Though  you  suffered  long  and  suit' ; 
Peace  to  your  body,  heart  ami  hand, 

For  your  suffering  now  is  o'er. 
Not  unforgotten  shall  you  be. 

Your  memory,  like  a  star. 
Shall  light  the  Bad  hearts  <-f  those 

Who  now  your  mourners  are. 

In  these  admirable  imitations  of  himself,  Mr. 
Pickering  by  no  means  exhausted  his  ingenuity  in 
paraphrase  ;    the    volume  contains  no  fewer  than 

sixty-seven  poems  of  the  "Dearest .thou  has 

left  us  "  pattern,  the  whole  producing  a  feeling  of 
monotony  and  gloom  strictly  in  keeping  with  the 
volume. 

Subjoined  is  the  longest  poem  in  the  book.  It  is 
variously  remarkable,  and  for  nothing  more  than  for 
the  brilliant  but  somewhat  confusing  signature 
which  certainly  does  not  appear  to  bear  out  the 
idea  given  in  the  body  of  the  text— namely,  that 
it  is  written  by  the  sister  of  the  remains  ;  but  as 
signatures  are  only  for  the  purpose  of  imparting 
vraisemblance  to  work  of  which  all  is  confessedly 
Mr.  Pickering's  own,  this  is  a  point  of  compara- 
tively small  importance.  Another  striking  feature 
of  this  poem  is  the  alarming  intimation  in  the  last 
lines  that  Heaven's  favoritism  is  not  the  sum  of 
all  possible  advantages.  But  we  are  keeping  our 
readers  from  a  feast  : 

Like  the  sweet  morning  glory 

That  lives  but  a  day, 
From  mother  and  sisters 

He  called  me  away. 
Resigned  to  my  Master 

My  spirit  I  yield. 
Down  low,  in  Death's  chamber, 

Which  alone  angels  shield, 
I  await  the  bright  morning 

When  father  and  mother,  and  sisters  dear, 
Will  meet  me  in  Heaven 

And  shed  not  a  tear  ; 
For  there,  say  the  poets, 

All  trouble's  at  rest, 
And  the  small  and  the  great 

Live  pure  with  the  best. 
Thus,  my  good  sisters, 

The  path  I*ve  prepared, 
Is  ready  fur  you 

And  all  that  God's  spared  ; 
To  those  who  believe, 

The  priest  often  saith, 
Heaven  gives  its  favorites 

Premature  death. 

—Her  Sistei'S. 

The  following  unsigned  lines  breathe  a  beauti- 
ful spirit  of  resignation,  considering  that  they  are 
written  of  a  corpse  which  had  had  three  whole 
days  of  life  in  which  to  make  itself  indispensable 
to  its  "  husband,  child  and  home  "  : 

Her  spirit  rudely  taken 

From  husband,  child  .and  home, 
In  Heaven  soon  will  waken, 

And  with  bright  angels  roam. 

We  fought  so  hard  to  keep  you, 

But  Death  the  victory  won  ;^ 
We  loved  you  well,  but  God  loved  you  best, 

His  blessed  will  be  done. 

The  ap;jar~nt  discrepancy  in  the  foregoing  lines 
between  the  tender  age  and  the  mature  domestic 
relations  of  the  deceased  is  probably  due  to  the  not 
altogether  defensible  plan  of  blindfolding  the  per- 
son who  comes  to  the  undertaker's  office  to  order 
"whatever  is  necessary,"  and  permitting  him  to 
select  some  verses  from  a  great  number  of  all  kinds 
shaken  up  in  a  hat — a  method  of  securing  appro- 
priateness established  under  the  regime  of  Mr. 
Pickering's  predecessor,  a  poet  lacking  decision  of 
character 

If  the  following  is  imperfect  in  the  matter  of 
rhyme  it  has,  nevertheless,  a  certain  value  as  im- 
parting the   interesting   information   that  heaven 


lias  obtained  a  mother,  and  is   therefore  no  longer 
an  orphan  : 

Dear  mother,  we  will  miss  you 
From  our  circle  many  times, 
When  we  think  of  how  you  'mused  as 
With  your  suvt.-t  and  loving  smile. 
But  what  heaven  has  ordained, 
And  lias  now  obtained, 

Is  a  loved  and  devoted  mother. 

-By  11,,-  Children. 

The  following  is  a  "  gem  of  purest  ray  serene" 
hardly  inferior  to  the  brightest  jewel  in  the  crown 
of  the  illustrious  George  W.  Childs  : 

Maggie,  ten  years  ago  at  the  altar  we  met, 

And  your  sweet  voice  then  answered  "  Yes." 

Now  I  ask  at  your  grave,  while  in  Heaven  you've   power, 

Pray  to  .fleet  your  two  children  and  me  yet. 

— Henri/. 

Of  the  four  immediately  subjoined,  we  have  no 
opinion  to  express  ;  the  reader  must  endeavor  in 
each  instance  to  put  himself  in  the  place  of  the 
corpse  and  judge  them  from  its  prostrate  stand- 
point, asking,  "How  would  I  relish  a  thing  of  this 
kind  if  written  of  me  ?" 

Charley  dear,  young  and  tender, 
With  aching  hearts  we  lay  you  down  ; 

May  (rod  his  blessings  to  you  render, 
Far  surpassing  all  we  know. 
From  his  affectionate  father  and  mother. 

She  was  hut  as  a  smile 

Which  glistens  in  a  tear, 
Seen  but  a  little  while, 

But  oh,  how  loved,  how  dear! 

Belive  what  you  can,  what  you  must, 
Yet  we  know  it,  O,  beautiful  trust ! 
That  our  cold,  pale,  loved   one,  our  dead, 
To  a  glad  shining  future  has  Hed. 

A  cloud  has  darkened  o'er  our  home, 
Where  happiness,  like  sunshine,  lay  ; 
One's  gone  whose  tender  words 
Would  fill  a  parent's  heart  with  bliss 
A  seraph  might  have  wished  to  share. 
The  bud's  withdrawn  from  human  care 
And  set  where  crystal  waters  flow, 
And  there  they'll  open,  watched  by  a  Saviour's  love. 

—Lizzie. 

The  originality  of  the  following  is,  we  believe, 
entirely  unexampled  in  the  whole  range  of  funereal 
literatue.  We  do  not  remember  to  have  seen  it 
more  than  three  times  in  any  one  issue  of  the  Gall 
in  the  past  twenty  years  : 

Open  wide  the  brazen  gates 

That  lead  to  the  other  shore  ; 
Our  uncle  suffered  in  passing  through, 

But  his  sufferings  now  are  more. 

—By  His  Aunt. 

Sometimes,  however,  it  is  "  shining  galea "  and 
" pearly  shore  " — and  that  is  perhaps  the  preferable 
form. 

With  one  more  delicious  quatrain  we  must  close 
our  extracts  from  this  most  agreeable  holiday  vol- 
ume ;  but  before  giving  it  we  wish  to  add  our 
praise  to  the  voice  of  posterity,  in  testimony  to 
the  uncommon  poetical  powers  of  this  great  and 
good  poet,  the  venerable  Loring  Pickering,  of 
whom  it  is  our  dearest  and  most  important  wish 
to  write  an  epitaph  that  shall  comfort  his  illus- 
trious remains — for  his  relatives,  friends  and  ac- 
quaintances he  has  already  outlived  by  as  many 
decades  as  he  has  fingers  and  toes: 

Come  to  the  gates,  O  God,  and  behold 
How  we  give  our  boy  to  the  worms  ! 

He's  an  angel  now.     Forty-five  years  old, 
And  we  loved  him  with  all  our  might. 


Once  upon  a  time,  when  General  Ney,  the  Duke 
of  Elchingen,  who  committed  suicide  last  year, 
was  commanding  the  cavalry  at  Arerseilles,  a  circus 
manager  was  introduced,  who  came  to  obtain  a 
dozen  cuirassiers  to  take  part  in  the  grand  tri- 
umphal entree  of  his  circus. 

"  Oh,  I  suppose  you  can  have  them  !"  answered 
the  Duke.     "  Whatll  you  pay  them  ?" 

'"  Three  francs  a  head  !" 

"  Three  francs  !"  exclaimed  the  Duke,  whe  was 
very  prudent  in  money  matters;  "why,  man,  I'll 
go  myself !" 


THE    WASP 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT   MO  AND  543   CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

£.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


TERMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

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Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 


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Company. 


All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 


The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp:  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J. W.  A.Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 


IVo  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


SATURDAY,    -    -    -    JANUARY    6,    1883. 

Against  an  interested  opposition  expressing  it- 
self by  maligning,  and  an  apathetic  public  opinion 
manifesting  itself  b)r  indifference,  this  paper  has 
for  a  long  time  made  war  upon  the  vulgar  and 
mischievous  practice  of  reporting  private  enter- 
tainments in  the  newspapers.  Despite  our  efforts, 
backed  as  they  are  by  the  approval  of  all  self-re- 
specting people  ;  despite  the  common  and  obvious 
decencies  of  private  life  that  fight  upon  the  same 
side  ;  despite  the  conspicuous  mischief  of  the  prac- 
tice, it  has  grown  into  a  regular  "feature"  of 
journalism,  until  such  a  thing  as  the  sacred 
privacy  of  home  life  is  almost  unknown  to-day  in 
San  Francisco.  The  rage  for  social  distinction 
through  social  publicity  has  assumed  the  character 
of  a  madness  destructive  alike  to  the  social  graces 
and  the  domestic  virtues.  The  field  being  open  to 
any  one  who  chooses  to  enter  by  the  payment  of 
money  (and  we  cannot  too  often  assure  our  read- 
ers that  it  is  by  direct  payment  of  money  that  this 
kind  of  distinction  is  obtained)  the  vulgarians,  up- 
starts and  disreputables  have  naturally  thronged 
through  the  gates  and  usurped  all  the  com- 
manding eminences  of  the  wide  domain.  Let 
us  not  be  misunderstood  :  we  mean  to  affirm,  with 
whatever  force  words  can  give,  that  the  men  and 
women  whose  names  are  oftenest  in  the  "  society 
reports  "  of  the  newspapers  purchase  that  foul  dis- 
tinction by  direct  payment  of  coin  or  coin*  equiva- 
lent. As  those  who  tastes  are  low  and  whose  lives 
are  disreputable  have  most  coin  and  least  scruple ; 
as  it  is  they  who  most  strongly  believe  that  a  shin- 
ing mantle  best  hides  a  dirty  skin — that  social 
conspicuousness  atones  for  obscure  birth  and  faulty 
breeding,  it  follows  that  in  the  struggle  for  front 
place  they  are  first.  The  time  has  come  when 
never  to  be  heard  of  through  the  society  columns 
of  the  newspapers  constitutes  the  most  honorable 
fame  to  which  a  man  or  woman  can  decently  as- 
spire. 

If  no  less  disagreeable  truth  will  open  the  eyes 
of  our  "  society  ladies  "  to   the  horrible  purposes 


to  which  the  cupidity  of  newspaper  publishers  sets 
their  vanity ;  if  they  will  not  be  stayed  by  the 
knowledge  that  their  names  and  the  names  of  their 
daughters  are  made  familiar  in  the  mouths  of 
gamblers,  hoodlums  and  all  manner  of  blackguards 
by  display  at  the  bootblack  stands,  on  the  beer 
tables  of  low  saloons  and  by  being  posted  upon  the 
walls  of  dives  under  the  "  latest  stock  quotations  "  ; 
if  association  in  the  same  columns  with  the  names 
of  their  own  servants,  who  participate  in  enter- 
tainments humbler  than  their  own  but  deemed 
equalty  worthy  of  record,  will  not  cure  them  of 
the  unholy  craze  for  the  cheap  honors  of  print — 
then  we  must  beg  their  attention  to  a  statement 
which  we  have  not  hitherto  made,  but  which  their 
husbands,  sons  or  brothers  can  verify  if  they  will. 
One  of  the  latest  and  most  outrageous  developments 
of  the  "society  reporter's  "  black  art  is  the  custom 
of  printing  on  the  last  days  of  December  a  list  of 
"ladies  who  will  receive"  on  New  Years' Day. 
If  only  women  who  are  otherwise  decent  made 
advertisement  of  themselves  by  this  monstrous 
method  it  would  be  bad  enough  to  keep  every  well- 
bred  gentleman  from  their  doors  ;  but  the  tempta- 
tion to  advertise  also  the  demi-monde  is  too  strong 
to  be  resisted,  and  sandwiched  in  among  the  other 
names  are  the  ' '  announcements "  of  notorious 
courtezans  who  pay  roundly  for  this  annual  privi- 
lege. We  solemnly  assure  our  lady  readers  that 
this  almost  incredible  statement  is  bald  and  frosty 
truth — that  this  rascally  practice  is  a  part,  and  a 
profitable  part,  of  the  business.  Every  woman 
who  permits  her  name  to  be  used  in  these  lists  of 
"ladies  who  will  receive,"  is  made  an  accomplice 
in  this  immatchable  crime  against  morality.  She 
may  plead  that  she  cannot  prevent  the  newspapers 
from  publishing  her  name.  With  some  prefessional 
knowledge  of  this  matter,  we  affirm  that  she  can 
commonly  prevent  it  by  not  conniving  at  it  ;  and 
in  the  rare  instances  iu  which  that  negative  action 
may  prove  ineffectual,  she  can  prevent  a  repetition 
of  the  liberty  by  the  more  positive  method  of  ap- 
pealing to  some  resolute  male  relative. 


Naturally  the  foulest  hand  addicted  to  this  sordid 
practice  of  using  the  vanity  of  respectable  women 
to  advertise  the  business  of  prostitutes  is  that 
which  guides  the  dirty  destinies  of  the  Chronicle. 
With  the  same  thievish  thrift  which  has  enabled  its 
proprietor  to  pitchfork  himself  out  of  the  gutter 
into  a  forty-thousand-dollar  house  that  did  not  cost 
him  a  cent,  and  climb  to  a  social  altidude  where  he 
is  comparatively  secure  from  the  kickings  that  gave 
him  his  first  upward  impetus,  he  now  gathers  un- 
holy gold  by  muck-raking  the  dark  by-ways  of  un- 
speakable sin.  This  bird  of  prey  is  feathering  his 
nest  with  the  plumage  of  soiled  doves,  employing 
their  spotless  sisters  to  assist  in  the  plucking.  In 
last  Monday's  issue  of  his  detestable  newspaper  the 
list  of  "ladies  who  would  receive"  contained 
names  and  addresses  which,  even  for  the  purpose 
of  illustration  and  proof,  we  have  not  the 
hardihood  to  publish — names  and  addresses 
which  two  men  in  every  three  know  to  have  an  im- 
moral notoriety  of  which  the  Chronicle's  proprietor 
is  equally  well  aware.  It  is  the  habit  of  the  class 
of  women  here  referred  to  to  seek  newspaper  noto- 
riety with  even  greater  avidity  than  do  the  icy 
"  vulgariennes  "  of  Nobb  Hill  and  Van  Ness  ave- 
nue, and  by  larger  paj'ments  than  these  can  afford. 
The  Quonicle  is  not  the  paper  to  turn  money  from 
its  hospitable  counter,  and  in  order  to  accommodate 
them  it  invented  that  ingenious  device,  "  a  list  of 
ladies  who  will  receive."  To  serve  the  lowlier 
needs  of  dames  and  damsels  less  ambitious  of  pub- 
licity, the  regular  daily  "  Personals"  amply  suffice 


Sun,  contrasting  the  cost  of  a  visit  to  California 
with  that  of  going  to  Florida  and  returning  by  way 
of  the  Mississippi  River  ;  the  expense  in  the  for- 
mer case  being  several  hundred  per  cent,  greater 
than  in  the  latter.  The  correspondent  of  the  Sun 
says  board  and  lodging  are  as  cheap  here  as  in  the 
South  and  of  a  better  quality  ;  the  difference  is  in 
the  cost  of  travel,'  the  passenger  rates  on  the  over- 
land and  California  railroads  being  exorbitant. 
These  statements  were  of  course  promptly  disputed 
by  Mr.  Stanford's  kept  editors  ;  even  that  long- 
discarded  old  flame,  Mr.  Pickering,  coming  to  the 
front  with  a  shrill  volubility  begotten  of  the  mem- 
ory of  past  favors.  Californians  are  proverbially 
skinless  ;  the  lightest  touch  of  a  disparaging  pen  in 
the  hands  of  an  obscure  Eastern  scribe  sets  them 
bucking  like  a  bronco,  and  many  of  even  those 
who  hate  the  railroad  gang  and  all  its  works  and 
ways  have  jumped  stiff-legged  and  discharged  their 
heels  in  air  at  what  they  conceive  to  be  a  high- 
handed assault  upon  the  whole  Califoruian  corral. 
We  are  ourselves  not  very  much  concerned  about 
the  probable  effect  of  the  truth  upon  our  State  and 
its  prosperity — possibly  because  we  are  more  en- 
amored of  the  truth  than  we  are  of  the  State.  Our 
own  journals  do  not  go  east  of  the  Rocky  Moun- 
tains, fortunately  ;  so  if  the  great  New  York  daily 
newspapers  will  assist  in  "  spreading  the  light" 
regarding  Pacific  Coast  matters  we  shall  be  in- 
finitely obliged  to  them,  regardless  of  what  it  may 
reveal.  Under  the  railroad  regime,  California  is  a 
hard  place  to  get  to,  and  a  good  place  to  go  away 
from,  and  the  wider  the  publicity  that  is  given  to 
these  obvious  facts  the  better  it  will  be  for  us  in 
the  end,  for  the  sooner  we  shall  rouse  ourselves  to 
the  duty  of  putting  Messrs.  Stanford,  Crocker  and 
Huntington  in  the  penitentiary,  where  they  be- 
long. 


A  good  deal  of  talk  has  been  made  in  our  news- 
papers about  a  communication  in  the  New  York 


By  the  death  of  Leon  Gambetta,  Europe  is  freed 
from  an  apprehension  which  for  more  than  a  de- 
cade has  oppressed  the  nations  like  a  nightmare — 
the  apprehension  that  France  would  deliver  battle 
to  Germany  whenever,  in  Gambetta's  judgment, 
the  time  should  be  ripe  for  a  war  of  revenge.  By 
way  of  ripening  the  time,  the  French  people,  under 
his  inspiration,  have  been  strengthening  their 
means  of  offense  by  enormous  expenditures  on 
their  army  and  navy  ;  and  these  expenditures  have 
necessitated  equally  heavy  outlays  by  Germany, 
which,  in  their  turn,  have  entailed  corresponding 
ones  by  neighboring  nations  jealous  of  her  domi- 
nance and  fearful  of  her  power.  The  burden  of 
taxation  caused  by  the  monstrous  military  establish- 
ments so  created  has  become  almost  insupportable. 
Europe  is  a  camp  ;  its  people  are  soldiers,  and  its 
Governments  exist  for  the  purpose  of  maintaining 
them  in  arms.  This  is  becoming  yearly  more  diffi- 
cult, and  it  needs  no  prescience  to  perceive  that 
whenever  in  any  nation  there  remains  but  the 
dernier ressort  of  conquest,  that  nation,  breaking  the 
threads  of  diplomacy  and  ignoring  the  traditions 
of  political  interest,  will  take  the  field  against  its 
neighbor.  An  army  is  for  battle,  and  when  the 
people  are  overtaxed  for  its  maintenance,  if  they 
cannot  secure  its  disbanding  their  crude  common 
sense  will  clamor  for  its  employment.  This  is  the 
opportunity  for  ambitious  kings  and  ministers ;  their 
function  is  t'o  supply  a  pretext,  and  see  that  rest- 
lessness under  exaction  is  duly  converted  into 
patriotic  ardor  and  expressed  in  terms  of  invasion. 
To  this  dangerous  point  the  European  peoples  seem 
nearly  to  have  arrived.  Whether  the  death  of 
Gambetta  will  avert  the  storm  that  his  existence 
was  brewing  remains  to  be  seen.  If  so,  it  is  a 
blessing  to  Europe,  and  the  loss  of  his  guidance  to 
France  can  be  supplied  by  the  wisdom  of  the  San 
Francisco  newspapers,  which,  as  a  rule,  have  gov- 
erned that  country  wisely  and  well. 


THE  WASP. 


CROCKER'S  ODE  TO  HIS  FENCE. 


During  tfu  storm  vf  January  1st  tht  famous  high  fenct  with 
which  Mr,  Charles  Crocker  enclosed  tfu  humble  dwelling 
of  thelatt  Mr.  Yung,  who  would  not  sell  to  htm,  wot 
blown  down, 

Tvi"-  of  my  fortunes  as  ->f  me,  0  Fence, 

Time  was  when  you  were  as  I  ara    immense  ! 

Ami  time  aball  be  —yea,  u.11  too  soon,  no  doubt, 

When  I,  as  you  are  now,  shall  lie  laid  out. 

To  that  unpleasant  •  - 1  l  •  1 

I  swiftly,  surely  tend  ; 

I  prophesied  it  ere  I  sang  this  ode. 

For  when  the  tempest  smote  you  down, 
i '  symbol  "f  my  frail  renown, 
'  Well,  1  11  eternally  be  blowed  ! " 


»d: 


Illustrious  Fence,  we  both 

Were  of  a  mushroom  growth. 
And  topped  our  fellow  fungi  in  the  fraction  of  a  night. 

Upon  your  summit  sat 

The  comfortable  cat 
And  twanged  his  fairy  fiddle-strings   in   infantile  delight 

On  me  the  loves  and  graces 

Fought  for  the  foremost  places  : 

Beauty  perched  upon  the  hummock 

Of  my  formidable  stomach, 
Fair  honor  sat  enthroned  upon  my  brow 
And  heaven  was  mirrored  in  my  shining  pow. 

I  smiled  and  all  the  alleys, 

All  the  hills  and  all  the  valets, 

Lay  in  light,  and  all  the  papers 

Executed  calfish  capers. 
And  when  I  sang,  the  cuspidore  and  sticks, 
The  water  jugs,  the  bootjacks  and  the  bricks 
Streamed  from   my  neighbors'  windows.     'Twos   intense 
They  thought  I  was  the  cat  upon  the  Fence. 

0  soul  of  the  dead 
Undertaker,  'twas  said 

In  the  street  and  the  mart  and  the  tavern 
That  I  in  my  spite 
Had  shut  out  God's  light 
From  your  home  and  had  made  it  a  cavern. 
You're    yourself    undertaken,    your    babes     are    gone- 
where  ? 

The  fence  has  blown  down  and  it  softens 
My  gizzard.     I  beg  you'll  forgive,  for  I  swear 
I  but  put  up  a  corner  in  coffins. 

Out  here  in  the  snow 

1  am  singing  my  woe, 
And  my  spirit  is  filled  with  a  fear, 

As  I  sit  on  the  sod, 
That  in  grasping  at  God 
I  have  got  the  wrong  pig  by  the  ear. 


long  one,  and  the  Chronicle  (at  a  dollar  a  line) 
stated  that  "nearly  all"  who  were  invited  at- 
tended. The  Evening  Post  (at  ten  cents  a  line) 
stated  that  all  attended  but  three.  The  gentlemen 
named  below  did  not  attend  :  George  C.  Perkins, 
William  Alvord,  Maurice  M.  Blake,  Washington 
Bartlett.  Frank  Newlands,  James  G.  Fair,  J.  M. 
MeNulty,  James  C.  Flood,  J.  M.  Schofield,  Peter 
Donahue,  W.  T.  Coleman,  E.  L.  G.  Steele,  J.  H. 
Boalt,  James  V.  Coleman,  F.  F.  Lowe,  W.  H.  L. 
Barnes  and  at  least  one  other.  Many  of  these 
gentlemen  could  not  have  been  pulled  to  that  din- 
ner of  dishonorables  by  a  team  of  horses ;  others 
doubtless  had  engagements  to  dine  disreputably 
elsewhere. 


A  discussion  of  the  merits  of  oleomargarine  "as 
an  article  of  commerce  "  may  be  decently  post- 
poned until  the  question  of  its  merits  as  an  article 
of  diet  has  been  settled.  I  don't  care  to  discuss 
either  here,  but  I  may  say  to  Mr.  Alexander 
Sharon  that  the  guests  of  the  Palace  Hotel  have  a 
livelier  interest  in  the  latter  class  of  merits  than 
in  the  former.  This  dinner  was  cooked  in  the  ho- 
tel kitchen.  In  the  cooking,  oleomargarine  was 
used  in  place  of  butter.  Oleomargarine  and  but- 
ter were  served  at  the  table,  and  Mr.  Sharon, 
speaking  in  praise  of  the  former  as  an  article  of 
diet,  challenged  the  guests  to  distinguish  it  from 
the  latter.  The  people  living  at  Mr.  Sharon's 
hotel  will  perhaps  discern  an  unpleasant  signifi- 
cance in  all  this.  It  may,  however,  mean  nothing 
more  than  that  Mr.  Sharon's  folly  is  of  truly  im- 
perial degree  and  cyclopean  magnitude — as  his  at- 
tempts at  social  relations  with  his  patrons  have  al- 
ready demonstrated. 


PRATTLE. 


A  correspondent  who  in  another  column  speaks 
of  the  attendance  of  Messrs.  Stoneman,  Perkins 
and  Estee  at  a  dinner,  the  object  of  which  was  to 
advertise  oleomargarine,  asked  of  these  gentlemen 
if  they  knew  what  they  were  about— meaning,  did 
they  knowingly  sell  their  influence  for  a  free  din- 
ner given  for  commercial  gain?  Governor  Perkins 
did  not  attend  ;  whether  the  gentlemen  who  did 
attend  knew  what  they  were  about  may  be  judged 
from  the  terms  of  the  invitations.  I  quote  from 
the  one  received  at  this  office  and  (somewhat  con- 
temptuously) declined  : 

"The  pleasure  of  your  company  is  requested  to  dinner 
at  the  Palace  Hotel  on  Thursday,  the  28th  inst.,  at  7  p. 
m.  His  Excellency  George  Stoneman,  Governor-elect, 
will  be  present.  This  occasion  wffl  be  taken  to  discuss 
some  matters  of  State  and  local  importance,  among  which 
will  be  the  merits  of  oleomargarine  as  an  article  of  com- 
merce." 


tions,  but  the  disagreeable  simpleton  who  gets  up 
in  the  middle  of  the  night  to  ring  a  bell  because 
the  earth  has  arrived  at  a  given  point  in  its  orbit 
should  nevertheless  be  knocked  over  and  tumbled 
into  the  gutter  as  an  enemy  to  his  race.  He  is  a 
sore  trial  to  the  feelings,  an  affliction  almost  too 
sharp  for  endurance.  If  he  and  his  sentimental 
abettors  might  be  melted  and  cast  in  a  great  bell, 
every  right-minded  man  would  derive  an  innocent 
delight  from  its  pounding. 

The  January  number  of  the  W"armedovetland 
Monthly  contains  the  usual  article  in  praise  of  our 
glorious  climate — the  finest  in  the  world,  sir.  Here 
is  a  sample  sentence  : 

"  By  the  ocean's  edge  a  southern  spring  balm  seems 
waftetl  over  the  blue,  caressing  waves  from  palm  and  spice 
islands  ;  this  is  the  .jEgean  :  the  Farallones,  dim  on  the 
horizon,  are  the  haunts  of  denii-gods,  naiads  and  tritons." 

A  comfortable  thing,  truly,  to  read  during  last 
Sunday's  snow-storm,  while  wrapped  in  a  blanket 
overcoat  ! 

By  the  ocean's  edge  the  southern  spring  balm 

{Pile  on  the  coals  for  mi/  bones  arc  chill) 
Is  wafted  from  islands  of  spices  and  balm. 

(Snows  are  consuming  the  vanishing  hill.) 
This  is  the  famous  ^Egean,  and  far 

( What's  a  tooth,  after  all,  but  a  Castanet  ? 
On  the  dim  horizon  the  Farallones  are. 

[Sing  me  a  song  of  the  lost  Jcannctte.) 
Demi-gods,  tritons  and  nude  naiades — 
(Burn  in  a  furnace  my  stiff  when  I  freeze!) 


This  affronting  invitation  was  signed  by  Messrs. 
E.  B.  Mastick,  L.  P.  Drexler  and  G.  W.  Beaver, 
and  accepted  by  Governor- elect  George  Stoneman, 
Mr.  M.  M.  Estee,  Professor  Thomas  Price,  Messrs, 
Irving  M.  Scott  and  W.  S.  Chapman,  Colonel  R. 
H.  Taylor,  Drs.  Henry  Gibbon,  Sr.,  and  James 
Simpson,  and  many  others  whose  brains  are  for 
Bale  by  their  stomachs.     The  invitation  list  was  a 


For  General  Stoneman  and  Mr.  Estee  there  is 
no  excuse  ;  they  occupy  the  positions  of  gentle- 
men, and  must  be  held  to  gentlemen's  accounta- 
bility. They  have  suffered  a  wily  adventurer  to 
placard  their  distended  stomachs  with  an  adver- 
tisement of  his  wares,  directing  attention  to 
samples  inside  ;  they  must  expect  that  men  whose 
bellies  bear  the  warning,  "  Post  no  bills,"  will  de- 
spise them  accordingly.  A  few  weeks  ago  both 
were  soliciting  and  receiving  the  votes  of  their  fel- 
low citizens  for  the  highest  and  most  dignified 
office  in  the  State  ;  to-day  they  are  self-con- 
fessed as  men  whose  price  is  a  dinner.  Neither  is 
worthy  of  the  office  to  which  he  aspired,  and  for 
my  part  I  blush  with  a  double  shame  to  remember 
that  I  supported  both. 

What  if  the  foot,  ordained  the  dust  to  tread, 
Or  hand,  to  toil,  aspired  to  be  the  head? 
"What  if  the  head,  the  eye,  or  ear  repined 
To  serve,  mere  engines  to  the  ruling  mind  ? 

— Pope. 

'Tis  hard  to  say.     Presumption  such  as  this 
Might  lead  to  sorrow  or  conduct  to  bliss. 
Yet  seeing  how  the  writers  of  this  town 
Write  up  the  wicked  and  the  good  write  down, 
I  can't  help  wishing  that  some  rascal  scribe — 
The  dirtiest  despot  of  the  graceless  tribe — 
Would  try  the  plan  of  thinking  with  his  toes, 
And  trace  the  outcome  with  his  well-inked  nose. 
And  lest  the  boot-born,  snout-recorded  thought 
Resemble  that  by  head  and  hand  now  wrought, 
Twere  best  to  give,  before  he  sets  it  flowing, 
His  feet  a  washing  and  his  nose  a  blowing. 

The  practice  of  inflating  the  midnight  steam- 
shrieker  and  belaboring  the  nocturnal  ding-dong 
to  frighten  back  the  encroaching  New  Year  is  ob- 
viously ineffectual,  and  might  advantageously  be 
discontinued.  It  is  no  whit  more  sensible  and 
dignified  than  the  custom  of  savages  who  beat 
their  sounding  dogs  to  scare  away  an  eclipse.  If 
one  elect  to  live  with  barbarians,  one  must  endure 
the  barbarous  noises  of  their  barbarous  supersti- 


I  saw  two  friends  parting  the  other  day,  and  as 
one  of  them  set  his  foot  on  the  stairs  leading  up  to 
his  office  on  the  fourth  floor  lie  said:  "Well, 
good  morning.  When  you  are  passing  this  way  I 
shall  be  glad  to  see  you  if  you  will'drop  up."  And 
I  thought  that  the  man  who  could  perform  the 
astonishing  feat  of  "dropping  up"  was  indeed 
worth  seeing. 


Scores  of  times  I  have  heard  educated  people 
speak  of  "  climbing  down"  a  ladder  or  a  tree.  Is 
the  English  language,  then,  so  poor  that  those  who 
call  it  their  mother-speech  can  find  for  the  act  of 
going  up  stairs  no  better  word  than  "dropping," 
and  for  going  down  a  ladder  none  better  than 
"  climbing  "  ?  "  Mother-speech,"  indeed  !  It  is 
their  stepmother-speech,  and  it  beats  them  every 
time  they  open  their  mouths. 

The  following  epitaph,  sent  by  a  clever  corres- 
pondent, seems  to  be  intended  for  the  gentleman 
who  was  so  prominent  in  getting  up  the  Dairymen's 
Convention  against  the  principalities  and  powers 
of  oleomargarine,  and  who  afterward  went  over  to 
the  enemy  with  the  glib  facility  of  a  buttered 
snake  gliding  across  a  parallel  of  latitude  : 

Here  lies  Willie  Gaffey 

(God  rest  him  in  peace  !) 
Who  died  giving  taffy 

To  Wilson  for  grease. 

The  cows  at  his  dairy 

Grow  hairy  and  lean 
Bawling  :     "  Oleo— oleo — 

M-a-r-r-r-garine  !" 

B. 


The  snow-storm  affords  an  opportunity  for  the 
"  glorious  climate  "  fiend  to  conceive  and  bring 
forth  numerous  preposterous  reasons  for  the 
phenomenon,  which  he  is  not  slow  to  improve.  In- 
crease of  telegraph  wires  and  of  agriculture,  tran- 
sit of  Venus,  the  comet,  etc.,  are  among  the 
number.  These  will  not  go  far  towards  convinc- 
ing the  Eastern  excursionists  now  sojourning  at 
Monterey  that  they  have  not  been  most  abomin- 
ably lied  to,  and  with  shivering  voices  and  chat- 
tering teeth  they  will  devote  immigration  phamph- 
lets,  excursion  agents,  and  climate  braggarts  to 
that  region  where  snow-storms  really  are  un- 
known. 


THE    WASP. 


LOST    IN    THE     BLIZZARD. 


A  Thrilling  Tale  of  the  Recent  Snuw-Stornh 


"  Thank  Heaven  we  can  all  of  us  put  our  hands 
to  our  hearts,  and  say  with  streaming  eyes  that  our 
life-insurance  policies  are  paid  up." 

It  was  James  Phelan  who  spoke,  and  his  deep 
mellow  voice  contrasted  strangely  with  the  inhar- 
monious howling  of  the  storm. 

"We  are  in  a  fearful  plight,"  growled  Senator 
Sharon. 

"May  Heaven  be  merciful  to  me.  T  fear  I 
shall  never  see  the  Nevada  Block  again,"  sighed 
Con.  O'Connor. 

"Take. courage,  gentlemen,  take  courage, "  said 
Mr.  Schmiedell,  "  and  take  a  nip  to  brace  up  on," 
and  the  thoughtful  stockbroker  produced  a  flask 
from  the  recesses  of  his  overcoat  pocket.  They  all 
drank  deeply — they  needed  a  stininlant ;  they 
were  indeed  in  a  fearful  predicament. 

Where,  the  reader  will  naturally  ask,  where  the 
deuce  were  the  amiable  quartette  the  author  men- 
tions ?  They  were  in  the  suburbs  of  Oakland, 
snowed  in  from  the  outer  world,  and  snowed  out 
from  the  iuner  world.  They  had  started  early  in 
the  morning  with  the  social  intention  of  making 
New  Year's  calls. v  This  bitter  evening  found  them 
cast  away  on  a  desolate  waste,  somewhere  about 
the  northerly  shore  of  Lake  Merritt,  they  sup- 
posed, but  they  had  lost  their  reckoning,  and 
were  now  rapidly  freezing,  nay,  starving  to  death. 
The  team  (§5  an  hour)  was  enveloped  in  the 
snow-wreaths,  the  heads  ef  the  spirited  mustangs 
showed  but  a  few  inches  above  the  drifts  ;  unless 
help  came  swiftly  the  doom  of  Messrs.  Phelan, 
O'Connor,  Sharon  and  Schmiedell  was  sealed. 
And  there  was  not  a  Bible  in  the  crowd. 

*'  It  is  customary,  I  believe,  on  these  occasions," 
said  Senator  Sharon,  breaking  the  painful  silence 
which  succeeded  the  attack  on  Mr.  Schmieden's 
brandy-flask,  "  it  is  customary  for  each  gentleman 
to  write  a  diary.  Can  any  of  the  present  company 
furnish  me  with  a  pencil  'I  " 

"  If  the  honorable  gentleman  who  has  last 
spoken  will  allow  me  to  suggest  an  amendment  to 
the  resolution,''  said  Mr.  Phelan,  who  being  an 
ardent  Land  Leaguer,  and  having  served  a  term  in 
the  Dublin  Legislature,  had  "  Cushing's  Manual  " 
at  the  tip  of  his  tongue,  "I  think  a  relief  party 
should  be  appointed  by  the  Chairman  to  find  the 
nearest  comer  grocery,  and  offer  the  natives  ten  or 
fifteen  cents  each  to  come  to  our  rescue."  Ad- 
miral O'Connor  and  Senator  Sharon  at  once  volun- 
teered, and  after  tenderly  embracing  their  com- 
panions in  misfortune,  sprang  from  the  wagon  and 
disappeared  in  the  snow. 

MR.    THELAN'S    DIARY. 

They  are  gone.  Mr.  Schmiedell  and  myself  are 
left  alone.  Oh,  the  cruel,  cruel  snow,  how  it  beats 
upon  my  unprotected  shoulders.  In  moments  like 
these  how  one's  past  flashes  before  him  !  Could  I 
alter  the  minut  's  of  the  week  gone  by,  would 
those  diamonds  I  gave,  with  a  groan  at  their  cost, 
be  paste  I  Would  I  be  guilty  of  such  a  deception 
as  prevailing  on  the  salesman  to  attach  a  ticket  call- 
ing for  §100  to  a  §10  present?  I  would  not. 
Schmiedell  slumbers.  Can  I  abstract  his  overcoat 
without  disturbing  his  deadly  torpor?  I  cannot. 
He  awakens,  and  with  a  hoarse  imprecation 
threatens  to  knock  m}r  infernal  head  off.  Alas  ! 
even  the  presence  of  death  has  no  effect  upon 
some  natures.  It  fails  to  subdue  and  softon  them. 
Schmieden  dozes  again.  I  can  feel  his  flask.  Can 
I  get  at  it  without  restoring  him  to  consciousness  ? 
I  cannot.  He  declares,  with  a  shocking  oath,  that 
he  will  murder  me  if  I  don't  keep  my  hands  off' 
his  property.  Still  hardened  and  unrepentant.  Does 
he  believe  in  another  world  \  It  cannot  be,  or 
this  fearful  situation  would  subdue  him.  I  have 
no  receipt  from  the  relief  party  for  my  contribution 
towards  the  rescue  fund.  This  will  be  an  induce- 
ment for  them  to  linger  and  drink  and  sing,  and 
forget  us.  I  never,  no,  never  again,  will  be  guilty 
of  such  an  unbusinesslike  transaction. 

MK.    SCHMIEDELL'.S   DIARY. 

I  feel  my  strength  rapidly  fading  away.  Still, 
if  I  do  not  bear  up  for  a  little  while  Phelan  will 
get  my  overcoat.  And  my  pocket-flask.  And  my 
life-insurance  policy.  I  wish  I  had  joined  the  re- 
lief party,  and  left  Phelan  alone.  He  is  a  terri- 
ble companion  in  a  snow-storm.  Ha  !  he  is  tug- 
ging at  my  overcoat  again.  I  feel  him  groping 
around  for  my  pocket-flask.  I  appeal  to  him.  He 
pretends  to  relent,  and  his  lips  mutter  as  if  in 
prayer.     Confound  me  if  he  is  not  running  over 


the  multiplication  table.  And  no  doubt  convinced 
that  he  is  reciting  an  extract  from  the  Roman 
Missel.  I'll  write'no  more.  I'll— [Here  the  diary 
becomes  illegible,  and  the  pages  bear  traces  of  a 
scuffle,  emitting  a  strong  odor  of  brandy,  which 
seems  to  confirm  the  impression  among  Arctic  ex- 
plorers that  the  castaways  were  disputing  about 
rations.] 

THE    RELIEF   PARTY. 

While  this  harrowing  scene  was  taking  place  in 
the  wagon,  Messrs.  O'Connor  and  Sharon  worked 
manfully  through  the  snow.  Their  mode  of  pro- 
gression was  ingenious.  They  had  unhitched  the 
least  exhausted  of  the  horses,  and  Mr.  O'Connor 
convinced  the  Senator  that  their  speediest  way  was 
to  attach  the  legs  of  the  latter  to  the  traces,  and 
form  thus  a  sort  of  human  sleigh.  Mr.  O'Connor 
then  seating  himself  on  the  Senator's  chest,  took 
the  lines,  and  all  that  was  required  was  a  string  of 
merry  bells  to  make  the  delusion  complete. 

They  might  have  driven  a  mile  or  so  when  the 
sleigh,  that  is,  the  Senator,  tipped  over,  and  shot 
Mr.  O'Connor  out  into  a  huge  drift. 

"Hallo!"  cried  the  Admiral,  "what  have  we 
here  ?" 

The  sleigh,  or  rather  the  Senator,  arose  to  a  sit- 
ting posture,  and  struck  his  chest  heavily  with  his 
hand. 

"Another  mile,  Con.,"  he  said,  "and  I  was  a 
dead  man.''  Then  he  examined  the  obstruction. 
"  It  is  a  chimney,"  he  cried.  "We  are  on  the 
roof  of  a  corner  grocery.  The  instinct  of  that 
noble  animal  has  guided  us  aright.  This  is,  in- 
deed, a  marvelous  deliverance." 

Mr.  O'Connor  cleared  away  the  snow,  and  the 
chimney  was  disclosed.  He  shouted  down  the 
opening  in  a  stentorian  voice  : 

"  What,  ho,  below  there,  help  !  help  !" 

"  Go  'vay,  go  "vay  !"  came  from  the  depths  ;  ude 
peer  is  ovvet.  Go  'vay,  or  I  vill  call  de  bolice- 
man  ! "        *■ 

"  We  are  capitalists,  San  Francisco  capitalists, 
lost  in  the  snow,"  appealed  O'Connor.  "  We  have 
a  horse  here,  a  trick  horse,  just  fresh  from  the  cir- 
cus, and  if  you  don't  come  up  the  chimney  right 
oft*,  he'll  dance  your  old  roof  in." 

After  some  growling  the  head  of  the  proprietor, 
a  rubicund  German,  appeared.  He  was  followed 
by  his  good  wife,  bearing  a  glass  of  lager  in  each 
hand.  The  horse  dance  threat  had  proved  effect- 
ive. 

With  witty  jest  and  musical  song  did  the  res- 
cued explorers  pass  the  hours,  until  Mr.  O'Connor 
suddenly  remembered  that  Phelan  and  Schmiedell 
were  still  in  the  snow. 

"Oh,  they  are  all  right,"  cried  the  Senator,  mer- 
rily, "  zwei  layer,  old  Gambrinus,"  and  he  trolled 
out  : 

"  Though  many  a  lass  I  loved  is  dead 

A  nrl  TYinmr  n  lnrl   rrrnwn   Pf»lH  " — 


'  Though  many  a  lass  1  loved  is  ut 
And  many  a  lad  grown  cold  "— 


'' Come,"  said  the  humane  Admiral,  "  we  must 
go  and  hunt  them  up  ;  and  rudely  seizing  their  host 
they  shoved  him  up  the  chimney,  hitched  him  to 
the  faithful  animal  on  the  roof,  and  seated  com- 
fortably on  the  beer-seller's  large  carcass  were  soon 
sailing  gaily  back  to  the  vagon.  The  screams  of 
the  Dutchman  lent  a  vivid  fascination  to  the  ride, 
and  now  thoroughly  wanned  up  by  the  lager,  the 
hardy  explorers  enjoyed  it  keenly. 

A  strange  scene  awaited  them.  Messrs.  Phelan 
and  Schmiedell  had  left  the  wagon  and  were  roll- 
ing in  a  fearful  struggle  on  the  snow.  Their  yells 
were  blood-curdling.  With  remarkable  presence  of 
mind,  the  relief  party  waited  to  hear  what  the  row 
was  about  before  attempting  to  separate  the 
wre  stlers. 

"I  wrote  it,  'tis  mine;  dastard,  'tis  mine  ! 
The  opening  verses  were  composed  in  Trinity  Col- 
lege"—  Here  Schmiedell  got  his  thumb  on  Phe- 
lan's  windpipe,  and  chaunted  grimly  in  his  ea-, 
"  They're  mine,  listen  : 

"  Once  I  was  pure  as  the  beautiful" — 

With  a  fierce  yell,  and  before  the  Admiral  could 
check  him,  Senator  Sharon  sprang  upon  the  writh- 
ing men,  and  began  to  pummel  Phelan  and  Schmie- 
den indiscriminately. 

"  Ha,  ruffians,  claiming  my  poem  !"  bawled  Sen- 
ator Sharon.  "My  own,  my  precious  poem  !  oh, 
villainous  plagiarists  !  oh — " 

It  was  fortunate  that  Admiral  O'Connor  was  a 
man  of  muscle,  else  three  corpses  might  have  found 
winding  sheets  in  those  beautiful  drifts.  It  was 
well  that  the  Dutchman  got  his  breath  again,  and 
helped  the  Admiral  in  the  good  work.     But  the  re- 


turn to  Orkland  was  a  melancholy  one.  A  gloom 
had  fallen  over  the  company,  which  was  not  dissi- 
pated until  seated  before  a  comfortable  tire  at  the 
Palace,  apologies  were  freely  ottered  and  as  freely 
received.  Orion. 


XANTHIPPE, 


'Twas  eighteen  years  ago  this  eve 
We  let  ourselves  be  yok'd  together, 

As  if  Fate's  strongest  loom  could  weave 
For  such  unlikes  a  life-long  tether. 

See  how  the  snowy  crystals  fall 
Like  blessings,  and  how  soft  and  fast 

They  spread  their  drapery  like  a  pall 
To  bury  up  our  wretched  past. 

I  saw  ahead  the  darkness  thick 

And  begged  you  let  me  then  go  free  ; 

Your  little  self  played  woeful  sick 

Lest  lonely  maidhood  yours  should  be. 

Now  you  lament  that  Fate  unkind 
Your  prayers  for  happiness  requited 

By  severing  our  tie  ?    Too  blind 
To  see  we  ne'er  were  half  united. 

You've  had  your  willful  way  in  part- 
But  happii.ess  on  you  smiled  not ; 

That  offspring  of  a  generous  heart 
Was  ne'er  of  littleness  begot. 

We  found  in  years  long  gone  that  Fate 

Was  reckless  when  she  joined  our  hands ; 
But  false  Pride,  cursing  worse  than  hate, 

Refused  to  list  to  my  demands. 
You  ne'er  knew  what  love  is.     No  soul 

At  once  can  foster  love  and  pride  ; 
One  conquers,  and  if  pride  control 

Love  lies  death-stricken  at  its  side. 

Is  it  so  bad  to  part  and  so 

Cure  the  mistake  our  youth  has  made? 
Nay,  live  the  lie— for  none  may  know— 

And  swear  there's  sunshine  in  our  shade. 

You  knew  the  stars  could  never  shine 
For  us,  the  moon  ne'er  give  us  light. 

Slave  of  false  pride  !  To  lie  was  fine. 
Not  proud  enough  to  dare  live  right. 

I  pleaded  that  for  us  the  play 

<  >f  married  life  was  tragedy, 
And— let  the  play  be  ended.     Nay, 

You  laugh'd,  and  in  my  gloom  found  glee. 

I  pleaded  that  'twas  dire  disgrace 

In  thraldom  we  should  thus  be  bound  ; 

You  stolidly  sat  in  your  place 

As  if  you  were  with  virtues  crowned, 

Speechless  and  reasonless  and  all 

Your  little  self  absorbed  in  pride  } 
Too  small  to  know  how  worse  than  gall 

To  him  whose  manhood  was  belied. 

So  you  have  sat  in  reason's  spite, 

And  wagged  your  two-edged,  sword-like  tongue, 
And  spat  your  slanders  to  requite 

The  favors  given  when  I  was  young. 

You  never  knew  that  jealousy 

Is  self-love  over-selfish,  nor 
Felt  that  true  woman's  dignity 

To  fetter  manhood  would  abhor. 

Sweet  Obstinacy  1  Linger  so, 
Curse  me  what  time  life  shall  endure  ; 

Unbind  no  fetters  lest  I  know 
The  joy  that  freedom  would  ensure. 

The  world  looks  on  and  laughs.     It  sees 

That  he  you  cling  to's  not  at  fault ; 
It  wonders  what  the  mystery  is, 

You  make  on  manhood  such  assault. 

But  I  can  tell  them.     Never  blessed 

With  moral  sense,  you  speed  along 
By  nothing  e'er  so  much  distressed 

As  to  confess  you  could  be  wrong. 

Farewell,  Xanthippe  !   Gripe  the  bone 

You  cannot  taste,  nor  suffer  e'er 
Another  to  enjoy  the  one 

Your  charms  no  longer  can  ensnare. 


San  Francisco,  Dec.  31, 18S8. 


-Mr 


THE     WASP. 


THE     MINISTER     AND    THE     ROOSTERS. 


The  Su/n  has  not  been  more  shocked  since  its 
editor  attempted  to  drive  down  a  loose  nail  on  the 
sidewalk,  owing  to  the  sleet  thereon,  than  during 
the  paat  few  days  at  a  recital  of  the  woes  of  a  truly 
good  preacher  of  the  gospel  at  Franksville,  who 
attempted  to  organize  a  revival  among  the 
men  from  Chicago  and  Milwaukee,  who 
had  gathered  there  to  indulge  in  a  cock  tight. 
There  were  uliout  a  hundred  hard  citizens  of  Chi- 
cago and  about  twenty  of  the  bright  young  men  of 
Milwaukee,  engaged  in  the  manly  sport  of  causing 
roosters  to  kick  each  other's  intestines  out.  Had 
the  crowd  been  made  up  of  Milwaukee  people, 
there  is  no  doubt  the  elder  would  have  had  an  in- 
teresting session,  and  it  is  probable  he  would  have 
brought  many  souls  to  repentance,  but  the  wicked 
Chicago  young  men  seemed  to  leaven  the  whole 
lump,  and  the  elder  found  difficulty  in  getting  in 
his  pious  work.  It  is  a  great  discouragement  to  a 
truly  good  man,  in  trying  to  bring  sinners  to  see 
the  error  of  their  ways,  to  be  hit  in  the  neck  by  a 
dead  rooster.  We  know  that  by  experience  in  our 
pastorate  elsewhere.  It  is  unfortunate  that 
roosters  are  endowed  by  nature  with  bad  tempers, 
so  that  they  will  tight  each  other,  even  as  politi- 
cians, church  members  and  railroads  will,  but  such 
is  the  case,  and  the  presence  of  the  Milwaukee 
young  men  was  to  do  all  in  their  power  to  keep  the 
roosters' from  lighting,  but  the  wicked  Chicago  men 
made  it  impossible  for  the  good  Milwaukee  young 
men  to  do  as  they  desired.  Men  may  say  that  the 
preacher,  the  Rev.  Mr.  Richardson,  should  have 
remained  away  from  the  scenes  of  blood,  if  he 
didn't  want  to  have  his  hat  jammed  down  over  his 
eyes;  but  he  is  one  of  the  elect,  who  could  not  stand 
by  and  see  men  periling  their  immortal  souls  by 
fighting  roosters,  without  getting  on  a  bos  and 
telling  them  about  what  would  become  of  them. 
People  may  talk  about  the  hardships  of  mis- 
sionaries to  heathen  lands,  but  we  doubt  if  any 
misrionary  to  a  cannibal  country,  has,  in  bringing 
the  cause  before  the  heathen,. and  attempting  to 
turn  them  from  their  idols,  been  told  to  go  and 
soak  his  head,  or  had  a  frozen  hen  stuffed  down 
the  back  of  his  neck.  When  the  truly  good  man 
spoke  to  the  wicked  Chicago  men,  of  the  pros- 
pects of  their  going  to  hell,  some  of  them  wanted 
to  know  if  it  was  in  Cook  county.  A  minister 
who  attempts  to  reform  a  gang  of  cock  fighters  has 
got  to  have  habits  firmly  fixed  or  they  will  get  him 
drunk.  When  the  reverened  gentleman  was  ex- 
horting the  wicked  Chicago  men  to  cease  their 
rooster  bickering,  one  man  handed  him  a  flask  Of 
benzine  and  asked  him  to  wet  his  whistle.  Such 
conduct  is  exasperating,  and  in  a  crowd  where  to 
decline  to  drink  is  something  unknown,  and  looked 
upon  as  an  insult,  a  minister  is  liable  to  draw  a 
quantity  of  black  eyes  upon  himself.  When  one 
reflects  upon  the  toughness  of  the  game  rooster  he 
can  realize  that  a  minister  who  was  offered  several 
dead  roosters  as  compensation  for  his  holy  work, 
would  feel  that  he  was  subjected  to  an  indignity 
almost  equal  to  having  a  donation  party  sprung 
upon  him.  We  ase  apt  to  think  that  our  minis- 
ters enjoy  a  soft  thing,  but  when  we  think  of  that 
poor,  meek  and  humble  follower  of  the  lamb  being 
a  target  for  dead  chickens,  when  he  is  trying  to 
lead  the  wicked  over  slippery  places,  we  feel  that  a 
minister's  lot  is,  like  the  policeman's  in'  the  "Pi- 
rates," not  a  very  happy-  one.  Let  him  that  is 
Without  sin  throwthe  first  dead  rooster. — Peck's  Hun. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  thin  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
P|l  EC  THIS  distressing  com- 
"■ka&wn  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  ■withconstapation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
*3-   C3TIf  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  SI.  I  USE  I^Drueeists^eir 


KIDNEY-WORT 


-BKtAI   WESTERN 


LYDIA  E.  PINKH AIM'S 

YEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 


Is  a  Po 


■  Cnre 


For  nil  those  Pn  In  fill  Complaints  and  Weaknesses 
-»  common  to  our  boot  female  population. 

A  Medicine  for  Woman.  Invpntedby  a  Woman. 
Prepared  by  a  Woman. 

The  Great  wt  Hedlcnl  Dbeowry  Since  the  Dawn  of  History. 
GTIt  revises  the  drooping-  spirits,  invigorates  and 

harmonizes  the  organic  functions,  gives  elasticity  and 

flrmness  to  the  step,  restores  t  lie  natural  lustre  to  the 

eye,  and  plants  on  the  pale  check  of  woman  the  fresh 

roses  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 

f3?~  Physicians  Use  Hand  Prescribe  It  Freely *^9 
It  removes  faintness,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 

for  stimulant,  and  relieves  weakness  of  the  stomach- 
That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  its  use. 

For  the  care  of  Kidney  Complaint*  of  either  sex 
this  Compound  i-  unsurpassed. 

TuTDJX  E.  PIXKIIAH'S  BLOOD  PURIFIER 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  <>r  Eumors  from  the 
Blood,  and  triee  tone  and  strength  to  the  system,  of 
man  woman  or  child-    Insist  on  having  it. 

Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  233  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  SL  Sis  bottles  for  $5.  Sent  by  majl  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  onrcc*ipt  of  price,  $1  per  box 
for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
inquiry.    Enclose  Set.  stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet. 

No  familY  should  be  without  LYDIA  E.  PES*KHA3I'S 
LIVES.  PILLS.  Tul-v  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  bos. 

jeSj-Sold  by  all  Druggists.c©&.        0) 


Asthma*  Coughs, 

Colds,  ('roup.  in- 
fluenza, Bronchitis, 
Catarrh,  Whooping- 

Coiigli,  Loss  of  Voice.  Incipient  Consumption,  and  al 
Throat  and  Lung  Troubles. 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  GOLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOE    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

A\D    TAKE    NO     OHM. IE.         Price,    50    Cents. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Prop'rs. 

41"  gansome  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  F. 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

MERCHANT  S. 

...  AGENTS    FOE.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 
No.  327  Market  Street, 

Comer  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 

DIVIDEND    NOTICE. 

SAN  FRANC  ISCO  SArVTNGS  UNION, 
532  California  street,  cor.  Webb. 
For  the  half  year  ending  31st  December,  1882,  a  divi- 
dend has  been  declared  at  the  rate  of  four  and  thirty-two 
one-hundredths  (4  32-100)  per  cent,  per  annum  on  Term 
Deposits,  and  three  and  sixty  one-hundredths  (3  GO-100) 
per  cent,  per  annum  on  Ordinary  Deposits,  free  of  Fed- 
eral Tax,  payable  on  and  after  Wednesday,  17th  January, 
1883.  LOVETT  WHITE,  Cashier. 


AKE   HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


House   Decorating  Done  in  the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  fctock  of  "Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market   Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok   COLOR. 


I®.  BUSH     BTl^IEIET  ill 

^foRN'^Tfur*,,^ 

The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles, 

CALL    AKD    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING-  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


1  i  . 


THE   JUDGE  :  AND   THE   THIEVES. 


■     ■   . 


■5  ■&yih ;  i^w**"* 


iKSffl^P^"'" "' 

i't  '■        ill  ri  i' 

*WPlfc... 

THE       THIEVES       AND       THE       JUDGE. 


10 


THE     WAS" 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul 
tural  Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  S^The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  SS  Wall  street,  New  York. 

BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Ual.  P.  C,  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  §>4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  SS"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA    BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


R.    MOTT'S    WILD    CHERRY    TONIC    IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 


^r  ens  the  system,  purifies  the  blond  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  $&  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST- AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  tfSTBrepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Euchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  E.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
niended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  SSs  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
jJSTOne  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


GW.  CHESLEY,  51  FRONT  STREET,  SACRA- 
mento,  Cal.,  importer  and  wholesale  liquor  dealer, 
•   sole  agents  for  the  genuine   Rock   and   Rye,  Maple 
Rum  and  the  famous  Cundurango  Bitters. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
■  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1S50  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  $3f  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
•  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
&5T  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer   of   Carraiges    and    Carriage   Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     £2fAlarge  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,-  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  -west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  ^"Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  §12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  §1  to  62.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.Eldred,  proprietor. 


THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  iJSTThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).    Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process   Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co  proprietors. 


A    VON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,     CAL.      JUST 
U      completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
;  South  worth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  "a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     SS"  Send  for  price  list. 

EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  86.  Per  day,  SI  to  §1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  .  S3T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H-  Allen,  proprietress. 


Garmore'sEa^lsL 

A-  Invented  and  worn  by  film 
perfectly  restoring-  the  hearing.  .En. 
tirely  deaf  for  thirty  years,  he  hears  with 
them  even  whispers,  distinctly.  Are' 
not  observable,  and  remain  in  posi- 
tion without  aid.  Descriptive  Circular 
Free.  CAUTION:  Do  not  be  deceived 
by  bogus  ear  drums.  Mine  is  the  only 
successful  artificial  Ear  Drum  manu- 
factured. 

JOHN    GARMORE, 

Filth  &  Kace  Sts.,  Cincinnati,  O. 


3  O    DAYS'    TRIAL    FREE  ! 

We  send  free  on  30  days'  trial;  Dr.  Oye's  Electro- Voltaic 
Belts  and  oilier  electric  appliances  to  Urn  sutler  ins 
from  Nervous  Debility,  Lost  Vitality  and  Kindred 
Troubles.  Also  ntr  i ciicaiiiiiatisni.  Liver  and  Kidney 
Troubles,  aird  many  other  diseases.  Si  eedy  i.ures  guaran- 
teed.    Illustrated  pamphlet*  free."    Address 

VOLTAIC  KELT  CO..  Marshall,  Nick. ' 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  SS"  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application.  T 


GREAT  REDUCTION..  STOCKTON-  IMPROVED 
Gang' Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;'  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  .and  warehouse,  cor.  Kl  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Glob.e'  Ikon  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail'.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P: 
O,  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL~ 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural    Implements  and  a  full  line 


of  General  Hardware,  No 
ton,  Cal. 


280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
'  Stockton  Gang  Plows}  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
■  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE     DEALER    IN 
Fine   Wines   and   Liquors,    No.    224   Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  tfSTPrin- 
cipal  office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  §500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M, 
West,  cashier. 


(This  Engraving  represent  the  Lungs  in  &  healthy  state. 

Ky  its  laKlit'iil  use  CONSUMPTION  HAS  KEEN  C1IUED 

when  other  lEcmcdics  and  Thysicians  have 

tailed  to  effect  a  cure. 

WM.  C.  Diggins,  Merchant  of  Bowling  Green,  Va., 
writes  April  4,  1881,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  has  cured  his  mother  of  cunxumption,  after 
the  physicians  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He  says 
others  knowing  her  ca.-e  have  taken  the  Balsam  and  been 
cured  ;   he  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a  trial. 

W.M.  A.  Guaiiam  &  Co.,  Wholesale  Druggists,  Zanes-' 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  uf  Mathias  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bronchitis 
in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung  BalsaM 
cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others  of  Bronchitis. 

Voluntary  Editorial  Irom  the  Oithii<|nc  "  Herald.'1 

Allen's  Lung  Balsam  is  a  popular  remedy  in  Dubuque 
and  the  surrounding  country.  The  druggists  whom  we 
have  interviewed  in  regard  to  the  sale  of  different  reme- 
dies for  Lung  Diseases,  all  speak  in  high  terms  of  Allen's 
Lung  Balsam,  not  only  as  having  the  largist  sale  but  of 
giving  entire  satisfaction  wherever  it  is  used.  In  relation 
to  its  excellent  curative  properties  we  can  speak  from  ex- 
perience, having  used  it  in  our  family  for  a  long  time.' 

FOR     SALE      JiY     ALL      MEDICINE     DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  bv 

REDDINGTON  &  CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 

LAUGHL1N  &  MICHAEL,        " 

J.   J.  .MACK  &  CO.,  "  "     ■' 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM.  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 

WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


B  ONESTELL,  ALLEN  &  Co 

Importeis  of 

:f>  _A_  IP  IE   IR 

Of  all  Kinds. 

413  and    415  SANSOME  St- 


I  Imve  a  positively, 
m oily  for  the  above  dis- 
;  by  Its  use  thous- 
i  ot  cases  of  the 
worst  kind  and  ol  longstanding  havo  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
la  my  faith  In  its  efficacy,  that  I  will  send  two  bottles  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  on  (his  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er,    61re  Express  &.  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCDM,  1S1  Pearl  St.,  N.Y. 


CONSUMPTION 


New  Sti-les  :  if  old  Beveled  ±Jdge  ana- 
Chroma  Visiting  Cards, finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromos  with  name.  10c,  a  present 

with  each  order,  ijuaion  linos.  &,  Co.,  (Jlintonvllle.CoiiB. 


CARDS 


PA  DnC  SE2fD  FiyE  3-CENT  STAMPS  FOH  NEW  SET  OF 
UntlUOi  imported  cards.      "  Umbellla."    Whiting,  50  Nas- 


sau street,  N.  Y. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


ISA  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  moat  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 
Ha  nlorio  If  you  aresuffering  from 
IVIClBClI  IC9n  malaria, have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every- 
one Bhould  take  a  thorough  course  of  it, 
±1-   SOLD  BY  PRUCC1STS.  Price  $ 


KIDNEY-WORT 


83T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Of.  C.   D.   SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.     Communications  strictly 
confide  ndal 


THE    WASP. 


11 


THE    HAWAIIAN  TREATY   AND   THE    "CHRONICLE,1 


Etei  iprocity    treaties     are    mutual    concessions, 

granting  certain  privileges   which  are  to   be  c 

pensated  by  corresp  mding  advantages  of  equitable 
value.  The  advantage  of  such  treaties  between 
nations  whose  relations  are  purely  commer- 
cial, can  be  best  estimated  by  statistics  oi 
import  and  export,  by  the  recorded  exchange  of 
commodities  between  such  nations,  and  by  the 
balance  of  resulting  values.  Since  all  articles  of 
trade  have,  beside  an  actual,  intrinsic,  also  a  rela- 
tive, commercial  value,  the  same  is  easily  reducible 
to  figures  which  represent  the  cash-exchange, 
arisiue  from  such  commercial  intercourse.  Now 
il  such  a  test  were  to  be  applied  to  the  Hawaiian 
treaty,  what  would  be  the  result? 

The  export  of  merchandise  to  the  Hawaiian 
Islands,  from  the  port  of  San  Francisco  alone,  since 
187l"t,  when  the  treaty  Hist  went  into  effect,  has 
Bteadily  increased  until  the  amount  of  the  Hrst 
year,  $782,897  has  been  swelled  to  $2,652,075  in 
L881,  and  will  presumably  exceed  s:J,<_HK),000  for 
the  year  1882.  Almost  75  percent,  of  all  values 
imported  in  exchange  for  the  above  exportation, 
consists  of  raw  produce,  which  must  be  manufac- 
tured in  San  Francisco  in  order  to  become  a  mar- 
ketable commodity.  Since  such  raw  produce  is  in 
large  part  the  product  of  soil  owned  and  cultivated 
by  American  citizens,  it  is  quite  evident  that  the 
balance  is  largely  in  our  favor. 

If  it  be  further  considered  that  but  for  that 
treaty  a  very  important  and  extensive  industry 
(that  of  refining  sugar)  would  have  been  on  this 
coast  of  very  insignificant  porportions  ;  that  such 
industry,  in  its  present  extent,  is  a  very  important 
enterprise,  which  employs  hundreds  of  our  people; 
that  the  Hawaiian  trade  has  been  the  direct  cause 
of  the  building  and  fitting  out  of  a  fleet  of  some 
thirty  vessels  and  ten  or  twelve  steamers,  thus 
giving  a  strong  impetus  to  a  languishing  industry, 
that  of  ship-building  ;  that  there  are  again  hun- 
dreds of  American  citizens  directly  interested  and 
materially  benefited  by  such  carrying  tr*de,  it  is 
difficult  to  conceive  how  any  honest-minded,  pub- 
lic-spirited person  or  corporation  can  avow  and 
advocate  any  opposition  to  such  an  advantageous 
contract. 

Yet  the  Chronicle,  although  advocating  similar 
treaties  with  other  countries  where  the  benefits  are, 
as  yet,  a  mere  surmise,  and  the  advantages  purely 
problematic,  persistently  opposes  the  renewal  of  a 
treaty  whose  advantages  are  fully  substantiated, 
the  benefits  of  which  are  amply  authenticated,  the 
continuance  of  which  is  urged  by  the  most  com- 
petent judges  of  the  situation— our  merchants. 

The  columns  of  a  newspaper  are  too  valuable 
to  be  used  extensively  for  the  luxury  of  the  grati- 
fication of  a  spite.  If  ever  circumstantial  evi- 
dence pointed  to  a  corrupt  bargain  ;  if  ever 
anything  was  proved  beyond  a  reasonable  doubt 
without  the  testimony  of  eye-witnesses,  the  Chroni- 
cle stands  to-day  convicted  as  a  journal  which,  un- 
mindful of  its  loyalty  to  the  commonwealth,  has 
bartered  away  its  honesty  and  become  the  hired  ad- 
vocate of  the  interests  of  hostile  aliens. 

The  best  and  largest,  the  most  influential  and 
highly  respected  portion  of  our  merchants,  who, 
after  all,  are  the  best  judges  of  the  advantage  or 
disadvantage  of  a  commercial  treaty,  have,  through 
the  different  Presidents  of  the  Board  of  Trade, 
year  after  year,  commen-Iedand  urged  the  wisdom 
and  advantage  of  the  continuance  and  extension 
of  the  Hawaiian  treaty. 

President  Taber,  of  the  Board  of  Trade,  at  the 
annual  meeting  of  the  Board  in  1880,  addressed 
the  members  as  follows  : 

"The  first  step  in  what  may  be  called  the  new 
national  policy  in  commerce,  as  shown  in  the  Ha- 
waiian Treat}7,  lias  worked  so  well  for  the  mercan- 
tile, manufacturing  and  producing  interests  of  this 
coast,  and  for  the  United  States  in  general,  that  it 
may  be  worth  the  consideration  of  this  Board  of 
Trade  how  far  its  members  shall  exert  themselves, 
through  our  representatives  in  Congress,  to  bring 
about  an  extension  of  this  policy.  There  are  mil- 
lions of  people  in  Mexico  and  Central  America, 
our  immediate  neighbors,  a  preference  of  whose 
custom  might  be  obtained  for  the  United  States. 

"If  the  commerce  of  less  than  70,000  people  in 
the  Sandwich  Islands  has,  from  the  operation  of 
the  treaty  during  three  or  four  years,  become  so 
important,  how  much  more  important  would  be 
the  results  of  treaties  based  on  the  same  principle 
made  with  Mexico  and  the  five  States  of  Central 
America  ?" 

President  Taber,  addressing  the  Board  again  in 


February,  L882,said:     "The   Board  collectively, 

as  well  as  by  individual  efiort,  would  ilo  wisely  in 
using  all  legitimate  means  to  secure  treaties  be- 
tween the  United  States  and  Mexico  ;  also,  the 
Centra]  and  South  American  Republics,  which 
would  encourage  mutual  trade,  as  tfiat  with  the  Ha- 
waiian Kingdom  has  d 

For  this  report  the  President  received  a 
vote  of  thanks,  and  publication  of  the  report  was 
ordered. 

Being  confronted  frith  such  positive  proofs  of  the 
falsity  of  its  position,  the  Chronicle  takes  refuge 
behind  another  sophism.  It  holds  that  the  class 
of  our  exports  are  but  such  as  cannot  be  imported 
into  the  islands  from  any  other  country,  by  reason 
of  our  superior  geographical  position.  The  statis- 
tics show  that  we  have  the  preference  of  trade  on 
the  part  of  the  Islanders,  not  merely  because  we 
are  the  nearest  port  of  supplies,  but  in  the  actual 
fulfillment  of  reciprocity;  the  people  of  the  Ha- 
waiian Islands  trade  with  San  Francisco  when 
England,  the  Australian  colonies,  Germany  and 
France  are  continually  bidding  for  their  patronage; 
the  Islanders,  with  the  true  spirit  of  reciprocal 
commerce,  purchase  from  those  who  purchase  from 
them,  and  it  is  here  in  San  Francisco  that  the 
Islands  find  the  best  market  for  their  produce. 

The  Chronicle  lays  particular  stress  upon  one 
item,  that  of  machinery,  bought  by  the  Etawaiiana 
during  the  year  187"— 1880.  The  discrepancy  in 
the  usual  amount  of  export  of  machinery  from  the 
United  States  to  the  Islands  during  that  year, 
amounting  to  a  difference  of  nearly  $200,000  in 
favor  of  English  machinery,  was  owing  to  the  cir- 
SLimstance  that  a  powerful  English  syndicate  of 
English  capitalists,  of  which  the  Glasgow  Iron 
Works  were  the  principal  stockholders,  had  engaged 
in  sugar-raising,  and  the  Glasgow  stockholders  in- 
troduced their  own  machinery,  partly  from  natural 
disinclination  to  buy  other  manufactures  when 
they  themselves  were  in  the  same  line  of  business, 
and  partly  as  an  advertisement  of  their  machinery, 
which  they  claimed  was  superior  to  American. 
The  sequel  is,  that  the  equilibrium  of  machinery 
exports  from  this  port  to  the  Hawaiian  Islands  has 
been  completely  restored,  and  that  the  amount  of 
American  machinery  used  at  the  Islands  exceeds 
that  of  any  and  all  other  manufactures  five  to  one. 
The  Cll/ronicle  is  not  content  with  garbling  state- 
ments of  that  class  ;  it  goes  further  and  anims 
that  the  treaty  is  a  subterfuge  for  the  importation 
of  Manilla  and  Chinese  sugars,  the  importers  on 
this  coast  availing  themselves  of  the  privileges  of 
the  treaty,  and  the  products  of  those  countries  be- 
ing entered  at  our  ports  duty-free,  because  the  pro- 
ducts have  been  trans-shipped  from  the  Hawaiian 
Islands.  This  charge  has  been  subjected  to  the 
most  searching  investigation  on  the  part  of  the 
Custom  House  department,  and  the  American  Min- 
ister in  a  special  report  to  Washington  has  pro- 
nounced this  a  "  falsehood  "  and  "base  invention," 
proving  by  the  port-entries  and  clearing-lists  the 
absolute  impossibility  of  such  a  flagrant  fraud. 

But  such  statements  are  quite  equal  to  the  ro- 
mances and  ingenious  sensations  circulated  by  the 
same  journal,  which  described  in  passionate  lan- 
guage the  abuse  of  labor  upon  the  Islands,  and 
characterized  the  labor  contracts  as  "peonage" 
and  "  slavery  "  of  the  worst  form. 

The  Portuguese  Government,  through  their 
consul,  and  by  direct  communication  with  the  home 
Government,  has  thoroughly  investigated  that  sub- 
ject and  not  only  exonerated  the  employers,  but 
have  quite  recently,  under  direct  contract  with  the 
authorities,  ratified  the  further  immigration  of 
thousands  of  their  thrifty  sons  of  toil,  being  con- 
vinced that  their  condition  and  treatment. at  the 
Islands  is  a  decided  improvement  upon  their  con- 
dition at  home.  This  has  been  a  basis  for  a  new 
treaty  between  Portugal  and  the  Hawaiian  Islands 
and  at  this  moment  there  are  at  least  two  ship- 
loads of  Portuguese  emigrants  on  their  way  to  their 
new  home  at  the  Islands. 

But  there  is  another  charge  formulated  by  the 
Chronicle:  That  of  using  the  privileges  and  advan- 
tages of  the  Hawaiian  treaty  for  the  exclusive 
benefit  of  a  single  individual,  Mr.  Claus  Spreckles. 
Were  this  charge  not  malignant  and  false  as  the 
rest,  it  would  still  be  no  argument  against  the  ad- 
vantages of  the  treaty  ;  for  even  if  that  advan- 
tage be  enjoyed  by  one  American  citizen  only,  it 
would  yet  remain  an  advantage.  But  that  it  is 
enjoyed  by  Mr.  Spreckles  only,  is  false— false  in 
every  particular.  Mr.  Spreckles  is  a  mere  share- 
bolder  in  a  large  and  remunerative  enterprise,  and 
has  personally  just  as  great  a  proportionate  in- 
terest and  benefit  from  the  treaty  as  the  propor- 


tion of  his  shares  to  the  entire  enterprise  repre- 
sents, liesides,  the  cry  of  monopoly  is  utterly  with- 
out warrant,  since  the  business  of  sugar-refining  is 
open  to  any  one  who  has  the  means,  the  capacity 
and  the  enterprise  to  engage  in  it.  There  are  two 
different  companies  engaged  in  that  business  here, 
even  now,  and  if  there  were  any  arbitrary  oppres- 
sion on  the  part  of  one  or  the  other,  or  any  conniv- 
ance of  the  two,  for  the  purpose  of  an  onerous 
monopoly,  there  are  capital  and  energy  enough 
among  our  merchants  to  find  an  instant  and  effi- 
cient remedy.  It  is  a  standing  taunt  and  slander 
upon  the  judgment  of  our  mercantile  community 
to  make  and  repeat  the  charges  of  an  oppressive 
surgar  monopoly,  and  is  an  inuendo  that  every 
merchant  engaged  in  the  sugar  trade  constitutes 
himself  particeps  criminis — an  accomplice  in  the' 
fraud  upon  the  community. 

It  is  an  undeniable  fact  that  the  quality  of  sugar- 
produced  and  sold  in  San  Francisco  as  a  result  of 
that  treaty  is  pure,  and  therefore  of  a  superior 
quality  to  that  marketed  by  Eastern  refiners.  The 
pernicious  adulterations  which  flood  the  Eastern 
States,  the  glucose  and  other"  deceptions,  have 
found  no  market  here.  It  is  equally  true  that 
neither  jobber  nor  consumer  is  paying  more  for 
the  jJ'ire  article  here,  than  the  same  people  are 
obliged  to  pay  for  an  inferior  article  in  the  States 
east  of  us. 

The  Chronicle,  not  quite  satisfied  with  its  own 
course,  quotes  the  subservient  echoes  of  its  own 
lies  from  the  columns  of  some  of  the  rural  papers, 
which,  like  a  pack  of  sheep,  follow  their  leader.  It 
prints  the  obscure  names  of  the  little  country 
napkins,  and  flatters  them  with  that  kind  of  city 
notoriety  ;  and  abroad,  where  neiter  Chronicle  nor 
its  small  yappeting  whelps  are  so  well  known  as 
they  are  on  this  coast,  it  strengthens  its  cause  by 
such  tactics.  But  leaving  the  Chronicle  and  its 
"policy,"  which  cannot  rise  to  any  higher  con- 
sideration of  any  subject  than  that  of  the  imme- 
diate gain  to  its  polluted  cotters,  let  us  consider 
the  question  of  the  renewal  of  the  Hawaiian  treaty 
from  a  higher  standpoint.  Not  merely  the  Pacific 
States,  but  the  entire  continent  of  North  America 
has  been  aroused  to  a  recognition  of  the  impor- 
tance of  the  Chinese  immigration.  There  is  a 
general  sentiment  that  the  unrestricted  importa- 
tion of  Chinese  labor  must  eventually  result  in 
the  degradation  of  our  own  people.  The  Sandwich 
Islands  are  the  foundation  of  a  pier  to  bridge  the 
difficulties  existing  to  a  transpacific  passage  of  un- 
limited Chinese  hordes  to  the  shores  of  the  United 
States.  It  is  still  fresh  in  the  minds  of  people  in- 
terested in  the  affairs  at  the  Hawaiian  Islands, 
how  the  islanders,  amid  tremendous  excitement, 
beseiged  the  King  in  his  palace  at  Honolulu  be- 
cause of  his  refusal  to  repudiate  C.fesar  Celso  Mo- 
reno and  that  gentleman:s  plans  for  a  transfer  of 
the  Islands  to  the  Chinese  Government.  The 
ridicule  and  the  slurs  cast  upon  the  scheme  of  Mo- 
reno by  a  short-sighted  press  of  this  city  does  not 
dismiss  the  fact  that  the  Chinese  have  made  a 
bona  fide  bid  for  the  acquisition  of  the  Islands  ; 
does  not  dismiss  the  danger  of  their  ultimate  suc- 
cess in  annexing  or  purchasing  that  important 
group— important  to  no  other  nation  as  it  is  to  the 
United  States.  The  opening  of  the  Canada  Pacific 
Railroad  offers  an  additional  channel  for  the 
produce  of  the  Islands;  Great  Britain  looks  en- 
viously upon  the  advantages  enjoyed  to-day  by 
Americans,  by  virtue  of  the  reciprocity  treaty. 
The  Australian  colonies  look  for  their  sugar  supply 
to  the  Hawaiian  Islands  as  the  most  convenient 
group  to  furnish  it.  Should  the  United  States 
forego  all  the  advantages  gained  during  the  exist- 
ence of  the  treaty,  simply  because  a  hired  advo- 
cate of  Eastern  glucose  interests  rears  his  crest  and 
hisses  forth  a  stream  of  lies  ? 

Our  political  as  well  as  commercial  advantages 
reouire  either  a  control  of,  or  the  closest  commer- 
cial and  political  relations  with,  the  Hawaiian 
Islands;  and  considering  the  possible  advantage 
of  such  relations,  which  in  the  event  of  foreign 
complications  would  become  the  welcome  oppor- 
tunity of  a  strategic  point,  the  importance  of  the 
continuance  of  that  treaty,  and  the  consummation 
of  similar  treaties  with  other  states  whose  borders 
fringe  the  Pacific  Ocean,  is  of  vital  importance  to 
our  Government.  The  fact  that  the  Examiner  of 
this  city  was  approached  and  offered  inducements 
to  attack  the  treaty — an  offer  that  was  indignantly 
spurned  by  that  journal — as  contrasted  with  the 
unwarranted  attacks  upon  the  treaty  by  the 
(  hronichj  places  the  latter  in  the  proper  light  of  a 
hired  enemy  of  a  measure  which  has  the  approval 
of  all  right-minded  people. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


SNOBKINS, 


How  the  Morning  Crocodile  Reporter  Got  His  Work 
the  Great 


in    at 


I  am  a  reporter  on  the  Daily  Morning  Crocodile. 
lam  one  of  those  excrescences  that  work  on  "detail'1 
and  live  upon  the  crumbs  that  fall  from  the  ban- 
quet of  the  regular  staff. 

The  Crocodile  got  left  on  the  Snobkins  party  last 
year.  The  Morning  Squall  had  an  elaborate  re- 
port, but  the  day  was  arctic  for  us.  For  the  Snob- 
kins  party  this  year  the  noble  chiefs  decided  to 
make  at  least  an  effort;  and  so  they  cast  about  for 
a  hook.  I  happen  to  have  made  a  mild  success  in 
the  Jenkins  line  once  or  twice,  and  for  that  reason 
when  things  began  to  look  desperate  it  was  re- 
solved that  among  other  efforts  to  be  made  for  the 
procuring  of  a  report  I  should  visit  the  Snobkins 
mansion  and  beg  a  few  particulars  from  the  wid- 
owed proprietor.  Therefore,  on  the  afternoon  of 
the  fete-day,  I  climbed  to  the  palace  of  the  noble 
chatelaine,  on  Snob  Hill. 

The  polished  pavement  and  tesselated  landings 
of  the  entrance  resounded  with  a  haughty  and  re- 
pellant  clank,  as  I  stepped  up  with  the  timid  mien 
and  cowed  demeanor  of  the  average  Crocodile  re- 
porter. With  trembling  hand  I  pulled  the  bell, 
and  stood  waiting  before  the  heavy  portals  through 
whose  glass  panels  I  could  descry  kaleidoscopic 
colors  in  carpet  and  ceiling. 

The  five  minutes  which  elapsed  before  the  door 
opened  gave  me  time  to  gain  courage,  and  my  fea- 
tures began  to  resume  their  former  metallic  lustre. 
I  glanced  about  me  with  an  eye  to  business,  and 
took  mental  memoranda  for  the  report  which  I  was 
going  to  write — Snobkins  willing  or  unwilling. 
"  Aha  !"  exclaimed  I  to  myself,  in  quotation  from 
my  forthcoming  report, 

w  'The  noble  grandeur  of  the  castelated  pile—  the  Gothic 
pillars  severely  chaste  in  their  simple  shaft  and  massive 
base— the  mosaic  pavement  and  granite  vases — all  were 
bathed  in  silvery  moonlight,  as  the  guests  in  fleecy  wraps 
and  thick  surtouts  came  trooping  up  the  spacious — '  " 

Just  here  the  door  slowly  opened  and  a  cerberus 
in  the  shape  of  a  British  bulldog  footman  stood 
before  me.  He  was  not  clad  in  the  traditional 
knee-breeches  habiliaments  of  Jeames  Yellow- 
plush,  but  the  olympian  sublimity  which  gleamed 
from  every  lineament  bespoke  his  entire  confidence 
in  his  own  superiority.  I  meekly  handed  him  my 
introductory  note,  murmuring  that  it  was  for  Mrs. 
Snobkins.  He  majestically  received  the  note,  and 
then,  with  a  sweep  of  his  hand,  loftily  observed 
that  I  might  step  into  the  waiting-room. 

That  I  should  be  taken  for  a  servant  might  he 
accounted  for  by  several  circumstances  :  my  coat 
was  a  short  frieze  cut-away  ;  I  have  a  narrow  strip 
of  hair  on  each  side  of  my  jowl,  and  especially  was 
I  bearing  a  note  —certainly  I  must  be  a  messenger 
from  some  invited  guest. 

As  he  turned  toward  a  side-room  to  carry  the 
missive  to  his  mistress,  I,  with  an  air  of  innocent 
stupidity,  instead  of  going  into  the  designated 
waiting-room,  passed  onward  through  a  pair  of 
heavy  doors  into  a  vast  apartment  beyond.  My 
reasons  for  this  proceeding  were  that  I  was  bound 
to  get  that  report,  and,  if  I  could  not  get  Mrs. 
Snobkins'  permission,  then  I  must  make  the  best 
use  of  what  I  could  hear  and  see. 

The     room   had    the     proportions    of    a    great 
hall.     The  ceiling  stretched  up  to  the  roof,  while 
on  every  side  rare  paintings  decked  the  walls. 
"  Let  me  see,"  I  soliloquized  : 

((  The  softened  lights  cast  their  lustre  on  hundreds  of 
gallant  men  and  fair  women,  as  the  Terpsichorean  mazes 
were  threaded  to  the  music  of  Ballenberg's  best.  The 
hostess,  attired  in  a  magnificent  robe  of  satin  de  Lyons, 
en  train,  gathered  in  heavy  puffs  at  the  back,  shirred  in 
front  with  deep  rows  of  black  point  de  Venice,  corsage  a  la. 
Di/rectoire,  permitting  the  display  of  the  magnificent  dia- 
mond necklace  which  the  illustrious  wearer  secured  at  re- 
duced price  from  an  unfortunate  and  impoverished  French 
Count,  who  had  been — " 

Again  was  my  train  of  composition  broken,  as 
there  bore  down  upon  me  a*  portly  personage  in  a 
black  steel-pen  coat.  He  was  graced  by  a  pair  of 
very  heavy  "haw-haw"  whiskers;  his  voice  and 
manner  were  unmistakably  English,  and  his  words 
seemed  to  delight  in  seducing  from  one  another 
the  letter  H. 

"John  'Enery,  in  'eavens  name,  who  left  these 
doors  open — to  allow  hevery  wulgar  beast  as  comes 


along  to'  henter  these  apartments?"  angrily  ex- 
claimed this  superb  creature,  as  I  hastily  backed 
out.  John  'Enery  was  just  returning  from  deliv- 
ering the  letter.  The  speaker  gave  him  a  few  ad- 
monitory directions,  and  sharply  closed  the  doors. 
But,  notwithstanding  this,  it  was  too  late,  for  I 
had  absorbed  sufficient  particulars  for  a  column  of 
description. 

"  'Er  ladyship  says  as  you're  to  wait,  me  man." 

I  was  completely  *iyself  now.  Verily,  I  re- 
joiced. The  conviction  was  firm  upon  his  mind 
that  I  was  a  serving-man  like  himself,  although  a 
trifle  lower.  I  at  once  assumed  my  most  servile 
tone,  and  gave  an  Irish  twist  to  my  mug. 

lt  In  service  'ere  ?  "  he  queried. 

My  heart  gave  a  leap.     He  was  loquacious. 

"  Groornin' for  Cokeson  in  San  Rafael,"  I  un- 
blushingly  replied,  in  a  raspish  voice. 

He  softened — in  fact,  his  manner  assumed  a 
condescending  benignity. 

"  It's  rather  a  goodish  day  for  the  feete." 

"The  what?" 

"  The  feete — the— aw — the  reception — aw — the 
egstro'nary  ball  and  banquet  'er  ladyship's  giving 
to-night." 

"  Many  comin  ?  "  I  ventured. 

"  Over  height  'undred,"  returned  John  'Enery. 
.      "Jubilate!       The     Morning     Squall     distanced 
again,"  I  softly  murmured  to  myself,  as  I  made  a 
mental  rubric  to  his  information.     Let  me  see  : 


find  them  out ;  family,  Norman — name,  originally, 
De  Snobblekins." 

"Yes,  the  name,  come  to  think,  does  sound 
Norman,"  I  rejoined. 

"  There's  a  lot  of  hancient  family  portraits  com- 
ing over  next  month,  which  same  represents  the 
De  Snobblekinses  in  harmor,  away  to  the  hantique 
Romans." 

Just  at  this  point  there  was  a  light  step  in  the 
hall ;  John  'Enery  bowed  abjectly  to  the  ground  ; 
a  gray  dress  fluttered  through  the  door ;  and 
there  stood  before  me  a  lady — young,  above  the 
medium  height,  and  fair  as  day.  I  stood  confused, 
as  her  lips  parted  and  words  danced  forth  like  the 
sweet  chimes  of  a  silvery  bell. 

"My  aunt  is  very  sorry,  but  she  has  decided  not 
to  throw  open  her  house  to  the  press,  with  but  one 
exception — the  society  reporter  on  the  Morning 
Scavenger,  who  is  a  friend.  The  reporter  for  the 
Squall  has  already  been  refused.  I  am  very  sorry 
— but  we  shrink  so  from  the  extreme  publicity  of 
the  press." 

I  bowed  a  silent  acknowledgment,  and  was 
courteously  dismissed.  But  I  was  not  caat  down, 
for  I  had  secured  the  materials  for  a  column  de- 
scription. And  you  may  see  the  result  on  the 
fourth  page  of  last  Monday's  Crocodile. 

DODDINGTON    PRY. 

San  Francisco,  January  3,  188$. 


"Nearly  a  thousand  of  the  chief  representatives  of  San 
Francisco's  wealth,  beauty,  and  fashion  eagerly  re- 
sponded to  the  invitations  so  discriminately  given  by  the 
hostess.  Every  one  who  has  any  just  pretensions  to 
social  influence  had  secured  the  talisman  of  admission. 
The  Van  Ness  avenue  palaces  had  furnished  their  quota  of 
loveliness.     The  magnates  of  Rincon  Hill " 

"There's  an  uncommon  sight  of  work  to  be 
done  in  these  hextensive  affairs, "  remarked  the 
footman,  interrupting  my  train  of  description. 

"  I  s:pose  you've  got  every  man  and  woman  in 
the  house  bustling  round,"  returned  I,  encourag- 
ingly. 

"  There's  'leven  'undred  hindividuals  in  the 
'ouse  at  work.  Two  dozen  nurserymen  was  en- 
gaged three  days  ago,  a  working  hever  since,  mak- 
ing wreaths  and  garlanges  of  posies  to  'ang  round 
the  apartments." 

Again  my  mental  note-book  was  brought  into 
requisition  : 

"For weeks  previously  a  small  army  of  servitors  was 
engaged  iu  executing  the  elaobrate  plans  which  wealth 
and  good  taste  had  suggested.  The  treasures  of  hot- 
houses and  gay  pxrterres  had  been  rifled  for  this  gala 
night.  Dozens  of  liveried  lacqueys  were  hastening 
through  the " 

"  They're 'ard  at  work  at  the  canvass  for  the 
dancing  tloor  in  the  great  'all  just  now." 

"That's  the  place  which  that  fat  man  in  the 
split-tail  coat  giv'  me  the  bounce  from,"  I  replied. 

"That  was 'Obson,  the  butler.  'E's  served  in 
noble  families  in  the  hold  country  for  twenty 
years.  'Er  ladyship  procured  his  services  at  large 
hexpense.  'E's  seeing  to  setting  the  small  trees 
between  the  columns." 

Once  more  I  penciled  notes  on  the  tablets  of 
my  brain  of  how 

"Youths  and  maidens  dreaming  strayed  through  the 
miniature  forests,  or  feasted  their  eyes  on  the  rare  works 
of  art  which  the  culture  and  taste  of  the  wealthy  hostess 
had  showered  on  every  side." 

But  just  then  there  tripped  past  the  door  a  lit- 
tle man  in  black.  He  had  a  foreign  air,  with  his 
waxed  mustachios  and  carefully  curled  locks. 

"That's  M'seer  Alphonse,  our  young  gentle- 
man's wally-de-sham.  'E  was  got  from  Paris,  and 
is  said  to  speak  French  in  a  style  that  is  quite  su- 
perior." 

"What  is  that  1  "  asked  I,  pointing  to  a  figured 
shield  over  the  archway  of  the  door. 

"  Them  ?     Ho,  them's  the  Snobkins  harms. " 

"The  what?" 

"  The  Escutcheon  de  Snobkins.  It's  or— a 
tower  gules — on  base  vert — embattled  azure  ;  Crest 
a  hoak-tree  proper,"  exclaimed  John  'Enry  in  a 
single  breath. 

"  Is  that  thing  a  tower?" 

"  Most  hobviously  ;  what  else  would  you  take  it 
for?" 

"  Oh  well,  it  looks  something  like  a  wash-board 
with  the  soap  up  in  one  corner.  Now,  I'd  take  it 
to  be  :     or — a  wash-board,  gules,  in  a  tub,  vert. 

"  Why,  them  was  got  at  great  hexpense  from 
Lunnon.     Me  lady  paid  a  man  for  three  weeks  to 


BUTTERING    THE     BUTTERMAN. 


Pajaro,  December  31,  1882. 
Editor  of  the  Wasp—  Sir :  If  Governors  Stone- 
man,  Perkins, '  Estee — elect  and  non-elect — with 
others  of  great  and  little  quality  were  really  pres- 
ent at  Mr.  Wilson's  Bull-butter  banquet  in  the 
Palace  Hotel,  as  was  reported  iu  a  live  city  daily, 
do  they  know  what  they  are  about?  Let  us  see 
somewhat.  This  Bull-butter  banquet  was  given 
under  the  guise  of  a  trumpet -blast  to  herald  a  new 
industry  up  and  down  the  Pacific  coast.  What 
kind  of  an  industry  is  this  new  thing 'I  It  is  to 
make  a  tallow  caricature  and  label  it  "  Butter," 
or  "  Oleomargarine  Butter." 

Oleomargarine  can  be  made  of  any  kind  of  fat. 
The  best  is  made  of  ox-tallow.  This  ox-tallow  is 
obtained  from  slaughter-houses,  and  from  the  great 
cattle  ranches  when  death  ensues  to  the  ox  (and 
cow)  from  what  cause  soever.  The  cleanest  of  this 
tallow  comes  from  the  really  clean  slaughter- 
houses, which  are  not,  to  say  the  least,  as  numer- 
ous as  they  might  be.  The  really  clean  slaughter- 
houses are  clean  in  some  senses,  but  not  in  others. 
During  our  long  Pacific  slope  and  Mexican  summer 
no  slaughter-house  is  clean  in  the  matter  of  blow- 
flies and  fly-blows.  The  beef  which  is  to  be  sold 
in  the  open  market,  from  the  cleanest  houses,  is 
dressed  at  night  or  in  a  dark  room  ;  in  other  houses 
it  is  dressed  no  matter  when  and,  sometimes,  not 
much  matter  how.  But  the  tallow  and  fat-scraps 
for  the  big  rendering  kettle  are  thrown  into  open 
boxes,  tubs,  etc.,  to  accumulate  a  kettleful.  While 
waiting  through  this  epoch  of  accumulation  the 
flies  have  a  good  time  hatching  maggots  in  the  re- 
cesses of  the  tallow.  When  boiling  time  comes, 
which  is  hastened  at  times  to  prevent  the  maggots 
walking  off  with  the  lively  grease — the  full-blown 
mass  is  heaved  into  the  kettle — maggots  and  all — 
and  rendered  into  melted  tallow.  The  maggots 
being  a  product  evolved  from  the  grease — with  a 
little  entomological  asssistance — may  be  some 
grease  too.  Perhaps  the  maggots  make  the  best 
oleomargarine.  It  seems,  however,  in  the  present 
state  of  the  killing  trade,  that  tallow  is  not  the 
thing  to  be  endorsed  by  Governors,  and  other 
wealthy  buyers  of  gilt-edged  butter,  as  the  best 
spread  for  a  poor  man's  bread.  Before  these  dis- 
tinguished gentlemen  are  hoo-dooed  into  another 
Bull-butter  banquet  they  had  better  study  the  his- 
tory of  commercial  tallow.  If  Gov.  Perkins  is  a 
sailor,  as  he  claims  to  be,  and  has  sailed  the  south- 
ern seas,  he  ought  to  be  able  to  tell  some  sweet  and 
clean  tallow  tales.  We  may  suppose  that  the  oleo- 
margarine man  will  promise  that  his  "butter" 
shall  only  be  made  of  clean,  hard  kidney  tallow, 
but  that  promise  can  only  be  taken  for  what  the 
business  will  permit  it  to  be  worth.  There  is  a 
terrible  temptation  to  do  a  big  dirt  in  the  oleomar- 
garine business.  Attorney'  for  the  Cow. 


In  our  last  attack  of  Milton  Nobles  his  playbills 
read  "  The  Phoenix.  A  Drama  of  To-day — Intense 
in  Unman  Interest."  Upon  reading  this  announce- 
ment Bilkins  remarks  that  he  owed  a  note  at  the 
bank  which  was  a  drama  of  sixty  days  and  intense 
in  compound  interest. 


THE     WASP. 


31 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS. 

The  week  has  brought  no  material  changes  either  in  the 
quantity  or  quality  of  the  amusements  offered.  Youth 
i*  well  established  at  the  *  rrand  '  tpera  House  ;  Tin  Waiad 
Qua  «  i-  in  the  last  throes  of  dissolution  at  the  <  latifornia  ; 
M't  Son  in- Zaw  attracts  paying  audiences  at  the  Baldwin. 
Bmeraon  has  changed  the  programme  somewhat  and  plays 
to  overflowing  houses.  Leavitt'a  "All  Stars"  offer  new 
attractions.  Qberon,  at  the  Tivoli,  and  A  Voyage  to  t/te 
Mn.'u,  at  the  Winter  Garden,  are  improved  by  frequent 
repetition  and  are  well  patronized. 

The  holiituy-seasun  was  perhaps  nut  <piite  as  remunera- 
tive as  the  managers  would  have  been  pleased  to  have  had 
it ;  but  taken  altogether,  the  public  Bhowed  a  good  appre- 
ciation of  what  was  offered.  There  has  been  no  mani- 
festation of  great  enthusiasm,  because  there  is  nothing  to 
excite  such  a  demonstration.  The  public,  after  satifying 
its  curiosity  as  to  the  novelties  presented,  subsided  quietly 
and  turned  fondly  to  the  well-known  Minstrels,  to  be 
amused  by  them  for  the  hundredth  time.  The  spectacular 
drama,  at  the  California,  was  gladly  forgotten  in  the  less 
expensive  and  more  satisfactory  performances  at  the  beer- 
gardens,  and  thus  Youth  and  My  Son-in-Law  are  really 
the  novelties  which  deseive  to  be  called  "attractions." 
The  "All  Star  Company,"  at  the  Bush  Street  Theater, 
has  no  competition  except  in  the  variety  performances 
which  are  not  usually  visited  by  the  better  class  of 
theater-goers,  and  consequently  did  a  good  business. 
Considering  the  quality  of  the  entertainments  as  a  whole, 
it  would  be  no  compliment  to  the  judgment  of  our  public, 
had  they  all  been  grandly  successful.  Some  have  been 
fairly  successful,  some  were  failures  in  exact  proportion  to 
their  merit,  according  to  popular  discrimination,  and  in- 
voluntarily the  question  occurs  whether  the  managerial 
or  the  popular  judgment  is  the  preferable  ?  The  manager 
has  but  one  end  in  view—that  of  money ;  the  public  de- 
sires only  to  be  amused  or  entertained.  On  the  one  hand 
there  is  calculating  cupidity,  upon  the  other  a  generous 
desire  for  diversion.  If  the  managerial  efforts  were 
directed  to  productions  which  are  calculated  to  stimulate 
the  popularity  of  the  drama,  produce  a  desire  for  healthy 
object-lessons  told  in  the  best  language,  and  present  the 
fine  humor  and  grand  wit  of  the  English  tongue  ;  if  high 
comedy  alter  the  old  standard  of  excellence  could  be  made 
palatable,  and  the  poetry  of  dramatic  diction  attractive; 
if  uniformly  good  stock -companies  were  to  present  such 
productions,  instead  of  the  quality  of  stuff  which  is  set 
before  us  by  the  specialty-men  and  women,  who  show  to 
advantage  only  by  the  weakness  of  their  surroundings- 
then  the  judgment  of  the  manager  would  be  superior  to 
that  of  the  public,  though  it  might  be  fatal  in  point  of 
remuneration. 

Tania  was  the  German  performance  on  New  Year's 
eve.  At  a  village  in  Russia,  remote  from  any  large  city, 
lives  "Maria  Petrowna,"  a  widow,  and  her  daughter 
"  Tama."  The  girl  is  beautiful,  proud  and  haughty,  with 
ambition  far  beyond  her  station  and  means,  which  contrast 
strangely  with  those  of  her  village  neighbors.  The  Nami- 
rotfs,  a  n>ble  family,  who  occupy  a  country-seat  in  the 
neighborhood,  had  taken  a  fancy  to  "  Tania,"  and  she  had 
been  petted  and  educated  in  their  household.  She  was 
the  playmate  of  the  young  Count  "  Alexander  Namiroff," 
who  entertains  a  strong  affection  for  her.  "Gregor,"a 
young  peasant,  has  won  "Tanias"'  love.  The  young  count 
importunes  her  with  glittering  proposals,  the  import  of 
which  is  well  understood  by  "Tania,"  who  rejects  his 
suit,  and  when  the  count  becomes  more  and  more  urgent 
and  impertinent  they  are  surprised  by  "  Gregor,"  who 
knocks  him  down.  The  lovers,  filled  with  apprehension 
of  the  consequences,  flee  to  the  hermitage  of  a  friendly 
priest,  who  marries  them.  In  the  meantime  the  count 
avails  himself  of  the  services  of  "Shindroff,"  chief  of  po- 
lice for  that  district,  and  "Gregor"  is  arrested  directly 
after  his  wedding  for  his  complicity  in  assisting 
the  escape  of  a  political  criminal.  The  widowed  bride  is 
induced  by  the  wily  "Shindroff"  to  deny  the  fact  of  a 


BURR  &  FINK. 


marriage,  under  the  threat  that  her  divulging  that  circum- 
stance would  cause  her  husband  to  be  mercilessly  perse- 
cuted. 

A  year  passes  and  the  letters  between  the  separated 
pair  arc  regularly  intercepted  by  "Shindroff."  A  child 
is  horn  to  "Tauia,"  and  she  is  obliged  to  bear  the 
shame    of  its    illegitimacy.        A    council    of    the     village 

patriarchs  condemn  her  to  banishment  as  an  atonement, 

and  just  when  driven  to  despair  by  the  reproaches  of  her 
mother  and  by  the  taunts  of  the  villager-s,  she  seek-  her 
death  by  drowning;  the  young  "Count  Namiroff*'  ap- 
pears, -(in)  she,  indifferent  to  death  or  any  other  fate, 
agrees  to  accompany  him  to  St.  Petersburg.  There  she 
becomes  an  accomplished  actress  and  favorite  singer. 
"Gregor,"  who  has  joined  the  army,  advances  to  the 
rank  of  lieutenant,  and  failing  to  find  his  wife  in  her  na- 
tive village,  reaches  the  capital  and  chances  to  attend  the 
theatre,  where  he  instantly  recognizes  "  Tania,"  and  as 
she  leaves  the  scene  he  presents  himself,  and  heaps  re- 
proaches upon  her.  He  relents  when  she  explains  her 
sufferings  the  birth  and  loss  of  her  child  and  the  in- 
tolerable existence  in  the  village,  as  well  as  the  intercep- 
tion of  their  correspondence.  He  then  wants  only  her  as- 
surance that  she  has  been  true  to  him,  which  the  unfor- 
tunate woman  cannot  give  him.  "  Count  Namiroff  "  ap- 
pearing upon  the  scene,  a  personal  conflict  is  prevented 
by  the  intervention  of  the  police,  led  by  '*  Shindroff." 
The  scene  shifts  to  the  vicinity  of  Plevna  during  the 
Turco-Russian  campaign.  "  Namiroff "  commands  a 
regiment;  "Gregor"  is  a  staff -orderly.  "Tania"  has 
joined  the  corps  of  nurses. 

"Gregor"  and  the  Count  meet  previous  to  an  engage- 
ment. The  Count  seeks  "'  Gregor 's  "  pardon  ;  the  latter 
concedes  their  differences,  since  he  knows  that  the  Count 
is  responsible  for  his  reinstatement  in  the  army,  but  re- 
fuses to  forgive  the  private  wrong  inflicted  upon  him.  At 
this  moment  the  camp  is  alarmed  by  a  sudden  charge  of 
Bashi-Bazouks,  and  "Tania"  is  brought  upon  the  scene, 
mortally  wounded  by  a  stray  shot.  She  dies  in  the  arms  of 
"  Gregor." 

The  representation  of  the  above  sensational  story  was  a 
very  creditable  one,  and  the  leading  lady  in  the  part  of 
"  Tania  "  showed  a  dramatic  power  of  more  than  ordinary 
compass.  The  different  phases  of  "  Tania's  "  mind,  from 
the  wayward  peasant-girl  to  the  suffering  woman  of  the 
world,  were  strongly  and  yet  naturally  outlined.  The 
entire  characterization  showed  the  careful  study  of  a 
highly  gifted  actreis.  The  play  on  Sunday  evening, 
January  Oth,  will  be  Odette. 

The  Madison  Square  Theater  Company  in  Esmeralda 
will  open  at  the  Baldwin  on  the  22d  of  this  month.  Man- 
ager Frohman  will  arrive  with  the  party.  The  cast  in- 
cludes the  following  well-known  artists :  "  Elbert 
Rogers,"  Leslie  Allen  ;  "  Lydia  Ann,"  Mrs.  Leslie  Allen  ; 
"Esmeralda,"  Miss  Viola  Allen;  "Dave  Hardy,"  E. 
Buckley  ;  "  Esta  Brook,"  Thomas  Whiifen ;  "Jack 
Desmond,"  F.  Oak  Rose  ;  *'  Nora  Desmond,"  Miss  Sid- 
ney Cowell ;  "  Kate  Desmond,"  Miss  Clayton. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L,  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withrara,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

FINE  WINES  AND  LIQUORS. 

Messrs.  Wolters  Brothers  &  Co.,  No.  221  California  street, 
are  favorably  known  as  large  importers  and  dealers  in 
choice  wines  and  liquors.  Their  importations  are  of  su- 
perior quality,  including  Cook's  Bourbon  and  Hosey  Rye 
Whiskies. 


620     Market     Street, 

Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


A  carpenter,  advertising  for  employment  in  one 
of  our  morning  papers,  and  buastiny  peculiar  skill 
in  the  construction  of  vats,  casks,  etc.,  goes  on  to 
say,  "Address  all  communications  to  Wine  Tank, 
this  office."  The  name  is  suggestive.  Does  any 
one  know  whether  Captain  Kentzal  has  been 
learning  carpentering  and  candor  combined  1 


FINE  LIVESTOCK. 

Mr.  Collin  1'.  Saxe,  No.  218 California  street,  the  well 
known  and  most  reliable  importer,  breeder  and  exporter 
of  choice  live  stock  has  a  fine  lot  of  Berkshire  swine  for 

sale.      Mr.  Saxe  exports  largely  to  the  Sandwich   Islands, 

Australia  and  South  America,  and  solicits  correspondence 
from  all  interested  in  breeding  and  stock  raising. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1881 
59,182  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1882.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

***  "Wise  men  say  nothing  at  dangerous  times."  Wise 
men  use  nothing  in  dangerous  diseases  but  the  most  ap- 
proved remedies.  Thus  Kidney- Wort  is  employed  uni- 
versally in  cases  of  diseased  liver,  kidney  and  bowels.  It 
will  cost  you  but  a  trifle  to  try  it,  and  the  result  will  be 
most  delightful. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

*The  woman  who  seeks  relief  from  pain  by  the  free  use 
of  alcoholic  stimulants  and  narcotic  drugs,  finds  what  she 
seeks  only  so  far  as  sensibility  is  destroyed  or  temporarily 
suspended.  No  cure  was  ever  wrought  by  such  means 
and  the  longer  they  are  employed  the  more  hopeless  the 
case  becomes.  Leave  chloral,  morphia  and  belladonna 
alone  and  use  Mrs.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound. 


/Tt:' Millions  of  packages  of  the  Diamond  Dyes  have 
been  sold  without  a  single  complaint.  Everywhere  they 
are  the  favorite  Dyes. 

Nursing  mothers  gain  strength  by  using  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters.  It  acts  like  a  charm  in  restoring  to  health  and 
strength  overstrained  nature. 


Paralytic  strokes,  heart  disease,  and  kidney  affections, 
prevented  by  the  use  of  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  0.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


DIVIDEND   NOTICE. 

THE  GERMAN  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
For  the  half  year  ending  Deceniber  31st,  1882,  the  Board 
of  Directors  of  The  German  Savings  and  Loan  Society 
has  declared  a  dividend  on  Term  Deposits  at  the  rate  of 
four  and  thirty-two  nne-hundredths  (4  32-100)  per  cent, 
per  annum,  and  on  Ordinary  Deposits  at  the  rate  of  three 
and  six-tenths  (3  0-100)  per  cent,  per  annum,  free  from 
Federal  Taxes,  and  payable  on  and  after  the  2d  day  of 
January,  1883.     By  order. 

GEO.  LETTE,  Secretary. 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Is  a  certain  cure  for  KRRVOUS  DEBILITY, 

LOST  M  iNUOoD.  and  nil  too  evil  etfects  ot 
y.  uthful  fbllii'B  and  ex-ess^s. 

UK.  ClVl'IK.  who  is  a  regular  phyalslan, 
graduate  ci'the  University  of  PuT.rjdV'Vanla, 
mil  :i-r-"e  l»  I'T.Vii  i'i»0  liiin.lr.il  Dollars  for 
ttciieeoftneklndlhe  VITAL  UESTOHATIVE 
(uiiucr  hia  si"*diil  iidviee  nud  treatine"*,)  will 
uni  euro.  Priei:,  S3  a  bottlo;  four  times  the 
mini  hit.  S10.  Sent  to  any  address,  conpi- 
i'km-i.my.  by  A.  [0.  MINTIK.  M.  D,,  No.  II 
Kearny  Street,  S  !■'.     Send  r..r  jmmphlct. 

SWII'M.  IdTlliK  HIKE  will  be  sent  to 
mn    -I  ■   Tuihiiiii  by  letter,  staling  svmptoms, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


14 


THE    WAS!? 


ASLEEP     IN     JESUS. 


The  rimes  of  Bristol,  Lincoln  county,  Nevada, 
has  been  gathered  to  its  fathers.  Its  "  last  words  " 
were,  in  part,  as  follows  : 

With  this  issue  we  give  up  the  ghost,  pass  in  our 
checks  and  retire  from  the  active  control  of  the 
Bristol  Times.  The  paper  will  follow  suit — as  it 
cannot  trump— by  shutting  up  its  bazco  a  week 
hence.  It  may  be  for  aye  and  it  may  be  forever. 
But  one  week  more  and  the  sheet,  which  so  often 
was  the  cause  of  its  editor  being  thrashed,  will  be 
laid  upon  the  shelf  to  await  the  coming  of  a  brighter 
day.  As  we  sadly  prepare  to  go  toes  up,  we  realize 
that  the  exciting  incidents  which  made  our  life  so 
lively,  will  have  passed,  and  tears  of  agony 
slowly  course  in  rivulets  down  our  furrowed 
cheeks.  ***** 

Every  dog  has  its  day.  The  Times,  therefore, 
goes  to  its  planting  cheerfully  and  good-humor- 
edly.  It  dies  because  it  cannot  live.  The  camp 
is  far  too  full. 

Bury  us  deep  under  the  fragrant  sagebrush.  Let 
the  festive  hog  and  rollicking  chipmunk  sing  sweet 
llullabys  to  our  departed  memory.  The  many-hued 
izarcl  will  drop  a  sorrowing  weep  upon  the  lonely 
mound.  Don't  stay  the  pensive  donkey  from  bray- 
ing a  tender  obituary  notice  over  our  dead 
corpse.  Let  the  sympathizing  coyotes  gather  about 
our  grave.  Let  them  yelp  a  mournful  dirge  over 
what  was  but  is  not.     Ta-ta. 


The  AbbePrevost,  the  famous  author  of  "Manon 
Lescaut,"  was  not  rich,  and  like  the  authors  of  his 
time,  resolved  to  be  on  the  lookout  for  a  rich 
patron.  He  accordingly  addressed  himself  to  the 
Prince  of  Conti,  of  whom  he  asked  an  appointment 
as  chaplain. 

"As   my  chaplain  !"    exclaimed    the   Prince 
astonishment.      "But,   good  heavens,  sir,  I  ncv 
hear  mass  !"' 

"That  is  precisely  why  I  asked  for  the  appoint- 
ment," said  the  Abbe  ;  "  I  never  say  it  !" 


Excursionists  are  the  most  ill-used  and  cruelly- 
treated  of  all  the  sons  of  men.  Looked  upon  by 
the  indigenous  population  as  a  natural  prey,  just 
as  is  the  locust  by  the  bushman,  it  is  little  won- 
der that  they  come  to  regard  mankind  in  general 
as  robbers  and  pirates,  from  whose  extortions  they 
can  only  escape  by  acting  on  the  defensive  or  de- 
murring to  all  propositions  emanating  therefrom. 
And  when  such  propositions  are  of  a  pecuniary  na- 
ture the  fervency  with  which  they  dispute  or  de- 
mur is  only  equalled  by  the  vociferous  protest  of  a 
can-haunted  canine.  Apropos  of  this,  an  English- 
man of  the  Dundreary  type,  who  belonged  to  that 
class  of  Ishmaelites  called  tourists,  went  into  the 
barber  shop  of  a  little  rural  town  during  the  sum- 
mer season  and  cautiously  inquired  the  price  of  a 
bath.  Seeing  a  golden  opportunity,  the  chin- 
scraping  artist  rashly  said  :  "  Six  bits,  sah,"  (just 
three  times  his  ordinary  charge)  and  in  return  was 
perplexed  by  the  confiding  manner  and  sleepy 
drawl  of  John  Bull  as  he  replied  :  "  But,  mon,  I 
only  want  a  barth.  I  don't  want  to  buy  your  barth- 
house." 


N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son,  of  Philadelphia,  have  pub- 
lished the  American  Newspaper  Annual  for  1882. 
To  editors,  publishers  and  advertisers  this  is  a  most 
valuable  work.  Its  main  feature  is  a  complete  cat- 
alogue of  all  the  newspapers  in  the  United  States 
and  Canada,  comprising  the  title  of  the  journal, 
date  of  issue,  character,  date  of  establishment,  size, 
number  of  pages,  circulation  (estimated,  or  from 
statements  of  publishers  and  therefiA'e  not  in  all 
cases  to  be  relied  on)  and  rates  for  advertising", 
with  plain  directions  how  to  obtain  estimates.  In 
addition  there  is  a  list  of  cities  and  towns  having  a 
population  of  live  thousand  and  upward,  and  much 
other  information,  all  so  excellently  tabulated  and 
classified  that  it  is  easy  to  find  the  exact  knowl- 
edge that  the  reader  may  require.  The  Annual 
is  undergoing  constant  revision  for  each  year's 
issue,  and  the  publishers  appear  to  have  a  ma- 
chinery for  "getting  at  the  facts''  which  is  as 
nearly  perfect  as  is  possible.  This  book  should 
have  a  place  in  the  office  of  every  publisher  and 
business  man  in  the  country. 


STRENGTH 

to  vigorously  push  a  business, 
strength  to  study  a  profession, 
strength  to  regulate  a  household, 
strength  to  do  a  day's  labor  with- 
out physical  pain.  All  this  repre- 
sents what  is  wanted,  in  the  often 
heard  expression,  "Oh!  I  wish  I 
had  the  strength!"  If  you  are 
broken  down,  have  not  energy,  or 
feel  as  if  life  was  hardly  worth  liv- 
ing, you  can  be  relieved  and  re- 
stored to  robust  health  and  strength 
by  taking  BROWN'S  IRON  BIT- 
TERS, which  is  a  true  tonic— a 
medicine  universally  recommended 
for  all  wasting  diseases. 


501  N.  Fremont  St.,  Baltimore 
During  the  war  I  was  in- 
jured in  the  stomach  by  a  piece 
of  a  shell,  and  have  suffered 
from  it  eversince.  About  four 
years  ago  it  brought  on  paraly- 
sis, which  kept  me  in  bed  six 
months,  and  the  best  doctors 
in  the  city  said  I  could  not 
live.  I  suffered  fearfully  from 
indigestion,  and  for  over  two 
years  could  not  eat  solid  food 
and  for  a  large  portion  of  the 
time  was  unable  to  retain  even 
liquid  nourishment.  I  tried 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters  and  now 
after  taking  two  bottles  I  am 
able  to  get  up  and  go  around 
and  am  rapidly  improving. 
G.  Decker. 


BROWN'S  IRON  BITTERS  is 
a  complete  and  sure  remedy  for 
Indigestion,  Dyspepsia,  Malaria, 
Weakness  and  all  diseases  requir- 
ing a  true,  reliable,  non-alcoholic 
tonic.  It  enriches  the  blood,  gives 
new  life  to  the  muscles  and  tone 
to  the  nerves. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Grand    Opera    House. 

Chas.  L.  Andrews  and  L.  K  Stockwell Lessees. 

Crowded  houses  at  every  performance  of  the 
eclipsing  success, 

■^r   o   tt  t   :e:  1 


1IAII\S;i:     WEDNESDAYS     AND     SATURDAYS. 

POPULAR     PRICES  : 
15,    85,    50    anil    75   vents. 

flSTBox  office  now  open.     Single  Heats  sold  in  boxes. 


Bush  Street  Theater. 

M.    11.    LEAVITT Lessee  and  Manager 

AL.   1IAYMAN Associate  Manager 

Ever}  Evening  (including  Sunday)  at  S  o'clock.      Wednesday  and 
Saturday  Matinees  at  2  o'clock. 

GREAT    StTCCESS  !  GREAT    SUCCESS  ! 

LIMVITT'S    ALL     STAR     SPECIALTY     COMPANY. 

DUDLEY  McADOW,  Manager. 
The  greatest  Vaudeville  Combination  in  America. 

«.i;mm1  Mat i live  Saturday  at  2. 

Monday,  January  S. -SQUATTER'S  SOVKEIGNTY. 

With  Kelly  and  Ryan,  Ferguson  and  Mack, 

P.'ora  Moore  and  entire  company. 

ADMISSION,        -        -        -        50c  and  $1  00 

Matinees— 25c.  50c.  and  75c. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

JAY    RIAL H.  F.  WEED 

Saturday,        ...      January  tith. 

FIRST    NIGHT    OF 

CAD,     THE     TOM     BOY. 

Prices 25c.    50c.    75c    $1  00. 

data    Matinee    Saturdays.         Maitinee    Prices, 
25c.     50c.     75. 

S3?  Ni»  extras  whatevor.  jgy 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  MaRon. 
Keeling  Bros Proprietors  and  Manager* 

Grand  success  of  0.  M.  Von  Weber's  Spectacular 
Opera, 

O    IB    IE    IR   O   ItNT  I 

Produced  in  the  form  of  a 

GORGEOUS    HOLIDAY    SPECTACLE. 

The  handsomest  Transformation  Scene  ever  pro- 
duced in  this  city.        A  powerful  Cast. 


THE  DIAMOND  PALACE. 

TN  THE  DEPATITMEKT  OF  DIAMOND?  AS  L>  OTHFR,  PRECIOUS  STONES,  THE  DTAMOND 
1  PALACE  holds  the  leading  position  00  this  continent.  I  or  many  months  pa-tl  have  been  pur- 
chasing largo  quantities  of  Diamonds  since  which  tunc  \h".  ihnrket price  has  advanced  overnO  per 
cent.  Therefore  I  am  prepared  to  offer  mv  magnificent  collection  of  Stones,  single  and  in  matched 
pairs,  at  a  slight  advance  over  cost,  I  bought  at.  low  prices,  and  intend  to  give  my  cus  niners  the 
benefit.  Extraordinary  bargains  in  Precious  Stones  of  ail  descriptions,  set  in  njost  chaste  and  lovely 
designs;  al><>  Quartz  wot];,  etc.  Special  inducements  offered  in  AmTiean  and  European  Watches  of 
he  latest  and  most oerfect movement.  Gorham  Sterling  Silverware  at  SI  -10  per  onnep.  (.nods  sent 
to  a  11  portions  or  t  lie"  Coast  prr  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s  Express,  C.  O.  D.,  and  if  not  acceptable,  can  be 
gxchanged  or  money  refunded. 

Wo.  221  MONTGOMERY  STREET, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,    CAL, 


A.ANDREWS, 


Winter  Garden. 

Stockton  street,  between  Post  and  Sutter. 
STAHL  &   MAACK Propiietors 

Unbounded  success  of  the  Romantic,  Spectacular 
( Ipera, 

Voyage  to  trie  Moon  ! 

With  its  Grand  and  Beautiful  Scenery,  Startling 
and  Elaborate  Costumes  and  a  Powerful  Cast. 


German     Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte  Genee 


SUNDAY,     - 


JANUARY   7th, 


I    IE    I  MIS  <    A         i:  I.  I.  11    I!  Si  It  E  I  «'  II 

In  her  great  character  of 

O    ID    IE    T    T    IE    . 

Sensational  Society  Play,  in  4  acts,  by 
Victories  Sakdou. 

His  Latest  and  Greatest  Sncccss. 

Orders  for  reservered  seats  every  day  at  Sherman   & 
Clay's  and  at  the  California  Theater.  j 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steamers  of  this  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
Wharf,  Sun  Francisco,  for  jtorte  in  California,  Ore- 
gon, Washington  anil  Muho  Torritoriea,  Britlah 
i  blambla  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 
California  Southern  Const  Route*-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  mil  over}  five  days  at  i)  a.  m.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  I,os  Ahl'oIl^  ami  S;iu  I'iu-o,  a.4  followB  : 
ORIZABA.  10th,  20th  and  80th  of  each  month.  ANCON,  6th, 
16th  and  Sfitb  of  each  month.  The  steamer  SENATOB  s.vils  ovary 
Wedtii-.-dnv  at  s   \,  m    !,.,•  s;uit;i  t'rn/,  .M.uitiTuv ,  San  Simeon,  Cay- 

U' :■■-.  i'-:v  l"t  i,  S.liiM   LUri.:ir.i  :m<!  Srui    BiK-navelltUttt. 

llr.lKli  Colombia  and  Alaska  Koute.—  Steamship  CITY 
OF  CHESTER,  carrying  t.  s.  Malls,  Bails  from  Portland,  QfegOD, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  w.  T.,  v!c- 
toria,  ami   NanoUno,  B.  C,  Port  wrangel,  Sitka  and  Harrishurg-, 

Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Frahcteco  the  80th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  and  I'n-ii  m>iiihi  Boute«—  The  Steamers  IDAHO 
and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Briftfinic  Majesty's  and  United 
States  mails,  8Ai)  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San   Francisco,  at  2   P.   If. 

cm  the  10th.  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month, lor  Victoria,  B.  C;',  Port 

Townsend,  Seattle,  Taroma,  Steilaeooni  and  Olynmia,  making  close 

connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im-1 
portant  points.    Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  l 

P.  M.  on  the  l>th,  19th  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqiii- 
mault)  at  11  A.  u.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
[Xolc  —  When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  FmntiQCO  one  dav  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  ahout  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Ghde. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Route!— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  STATE  OF 
CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUMBIA,  carrying  the  United 
States  Mail  and  WoIIb,  Fargo  .v  Co. 'a  Express,  every  fourth  day  at 
10  A.  U.  for  Portland  and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  Miiiiilmldt  Kay  Route.—  Steamer  sails  from 
San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hook  ton  (Ilumbolt  Bay)  every 
Wednesday  at  9  A.  it. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Itoute.—  Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  m. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 

Citizens1  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsbnrg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  V.,    -    "  435,000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -      --       -       "  141,000 

Office—  219  Sansome  Ntreet,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN   FRANCISCO,  OAL. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  -    '      ■  ■       -  -  ■  1S5B 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Citarauleeil  Tor  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

9  45     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 

Prices  30  per  ceul.  Lower  than  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 

SSr  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SH 


Morris  &   Kennedy. 

1 9  and  2 1.  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


RUPTURE 

Relieved  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  inflict,  by 
Db.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  bad  cases  befcre  and 
after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


A  KEY/  -■.    THAT        ips 
WltLWiND    -— '  ANYWA.TCH"  . 


AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT. 
Th686  KEYS  are  Bold 


by  all   WATCHMAKERS    and   JEWELERS   on  the  PAOIFIO 
COAST.    By  Mail,  25  Ceot.8. 

BIRCH  &  CO    36  Dey  street.  New  Tort. 

CARD  COLLECTORS.      A  handsome  set  of  cards  for    3-cent 
stamp.      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  T. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

OnkhiiHl,     Alameda,    Xenark,    mm     .lose,    Los  GntOS* 
«.  (in  » i,  lYItim  and   Santa  Cruz. 

pun  KKSQrF,  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
-t  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Monterey  Bay.  Forty  miles  shorter  to 
SANTA  CRUZ  thim  anv  other  route.  No  change  of  cars  ;  no  dust. 
Equipment  and  road  bed  lirst-elasa.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
Btation,  foot  of  Market  street,  south  sidk,  at 

8.QA  -*■  XI,'»  daily.  West  San  Lorunzo,  West  San  Lcandro,  Rus- 
,0X3  Bells,  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Hulls,  Newark,  Ccnterville, 
Mowrys,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clam,  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gatos, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glenwood,  Doughertys,  Felton,  BigTreea 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  M. 

2«Qfl  P.  M.,  Daily  Express:  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Newark,  Cen- 
■  UU  fcerville,  Ahi-i.,  Altucws,  Santa  Clara,  SAX  JOSEnnd  Los 

Gatos.    Through  to  SANTA  CRUZ  every  Saturday. 

4, Oil  ''■  M-  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSEand  iiitemiedi- 
.0X3  ftte  stations. 
f)M  Sundays,  Sportsmen's  Train,  4:30  A.  M.  Return  train 
UN  lL-a\'esSiLTi.l.iseatr»:l:">  1'.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:85. 
tf*j-  EXCURSIONS  To  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  $8.50  TO  SAN 
(DO  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sunday*,  to  return  until  Monday  ill- 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAM>    AND    ALAMEDA. 

§6:30— 7:30— 8:30-9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.M.  «[12:3Q— 1:30—  2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—0:30—7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  SI. 

From  Fourteenth  and  IVehster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 
—§(1:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52-10:52— «|11:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—1:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Alunu'tln-§5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:85—  9:35 
—10:35—U11:35  A.  M.  12:35—1:35—2:35—3:35—4:35—5:35—6:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§  Daily,  Sundays  excepted.     *J  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temcseal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  Ti'l  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and   Webster,    Oakland  ;     Park  street,  Alameda, 

A.  H.  FRACKEU,  R.  SI.  GARRATT, 

Oct  21).  Gcn'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 

14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Millwood,    Gleuwood,    Hudson   and   Onr  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELSIWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them, 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


CALIFORNIA 

Safe  Deposit 


Trust  Company 

326    MONTGOMERY    STREET, 
San  I'raneiseo,  C'nl. 

Directors: 
j.  d.  fry,  •  g.  l.  bradley, 

C.  F.  Mal-DERMOT,  NICHOLAS  LUNING, 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  II.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TEVIS,  -    CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADSWORTH;     ,  I.  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

'     JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

J,  B.   FRY.... President 

C.   It.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) '. Treasurer 

MM.  CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

DEPOSITS  RECEIVED  SUBJECT  TO  CHECK.  IN- 
terest  allowed  on  money  deposited  fur  sixty  days  or  longer. 

This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,. Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Rt-al  Estate  ami  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of.  interest  and  Rents,  aiid 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  :  property  and- in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  eollectiens  and  remit- 
tances, purchase  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money.  Exchange,  etc. 
Buy  and  sell  securities,  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Rent  of  safes  in  Safe  Deposit  vaults  from  S2  to  ■  $20  per  month, 
and  from  $12  to  $20(>  yer  year. 


AGENTS 


cau  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
lit  worth  $10  tree.  Address  E.  O. 
KIDE0TJT  &  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.Y. 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

60Q  KEARNY  STREET,  BAN 
^C_>  Franeisco-EstabllEhed 
In  1854  for  the  trebtment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
l'Hity,  ur  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  affiicted  should  not  fall  to 
callupon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  In  Europe,  and  in. 
epectcd  thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  Is 
^competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
-of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
_  _make  uo  charge  unless  he  effects  s 
cure.  Persons  at  a  distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HUME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.    Say  you  saw  thiB  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


'.863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  t-t..  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The   most    complicated  cases  of    defective   visioD 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

S*-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE..^ 


Deutsche    A  |Hitlickc. 


MALDONADO    PHARMACY, 
36  Geary  Street, 

EDWARD   NEUMANN, 

PHARMACIST  ami  CHEMIST. 


Farmncic    Itnliaitu. 


OCEANIC    STEAMSHIP    COMPANY. 
J.  D.  SPRECKELS   &.   BRO'S, 

327    MARKET     STREET, 

Owners  of 

Spreckels'    Line    of   Packets. 

Packages   and    Freight  to  Honolulu. 


DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


c 

0 


H 


Yy  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"- 


Round  and  Pressed 
CIGARETTES.     " 


Pure,  Mild, 
Fragrant  and  Sweet. 


.  ALLEN  &  GINTBR, 

Manufacturers,    Richmond,     Va. 


ICOl/L  fj  H  E  JWj AILOR 


POPULAR     PRICES 


LARGE    STOCK! 


I 


POPULAR    TAILOR! 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


Men's  and  Boys' 

JB_  Ready-Made   Clothing 


Men's    Furnishing     Goods 


And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Cait  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros.  Ho. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


SIBEEIAlsT    ZB-A-LS-^DVH 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause 

l»EI-OT.    415    M<>.\T<;OMEKV    ST1IEET.  For  sole  by  nil  DruggMs. 


B, 


23"  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWEKY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY     &     YUHG, 
No.    051    SACRAMENTO    STKEET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Francisco. 


JESSE  MOORE 


WHISKEY 


QUALITY. 


AN 
Extraordinary     Razor 

HAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
sharing  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
041  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 

DAWICHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  IE.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


Prentiss  Selby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.~  Underbill,  Jr.,  See'y. 


Selbv    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS   OF  

Lead  Pipe,  s  leet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Fig  Lead,  Solder,  Antf- Friction  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  ripe.  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,   416   Montgomery   Street,      -  San    Francisco- 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE'Sai 


Cuarlbs  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS   &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co.- 
BOOK    AND    JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street, 

Below  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


WHITE    HOSE    ELOTJIR, 
MANUFACTURED     l:V    THE 
Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


5ST  Sec  loenl  notice  in  another  column, 


H3-QIJP       KENTUCKY       WHISKEY.-ai 


IMIVEOIVID'S 


Ml) lit' 


NABOB 


the  best 

In  the  World. 

ask  your. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


«®"DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "» 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.  ».  SPRECLELS  Si  BRO'S, 
S*J    IHarket    Street. 

OWNKRS    OP 

Spreckels*    Line    of   Packets. 

1'achagcs  and  Freight  to  Honolulu, 


DR.  THOMAS  HALL'S 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  Appetizer,  giving  tone  and 
strength  to  the  stomach,,  and  as  a  tonic  bev- 
erage it  has  no  equal;  -will  cure  Dyspepsia 
or  Indigestion,  Fever  and  Ague.  Biliousness 
General  Debility  and  kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  resulte; 
it  braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and 
destroys  that  -wretched  feeling  of  enuni 
which  we  constantly  labor  under  in  this 
enervating  climate.  The  tonic  for  its  medi- 
cal qualities  excels  any  other  ever  offered 
to  the  public,  having  taken  the  first 
premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento, 
Han  Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San 
Francisco  for  absolute  purity,  made  from 
pure  California  Port  Wine,  Wine  of  Pepsin 
and  Elixir  Calisaya.  ^*For.  sale  every- 
where throughout  the  State.  Depot  at 
JAMES  H.  GATES'  Drug  store,  corner  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Fran- 
cisco. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


o 

o 


o 


l^HARDWOOD   LUMBER 


„    John    "Wigmor  e, 

129    to    1«     SPEAK    STKEET,    SAN     I  UAVtIStO. 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  Strutter. 


H.  R.  "Williar.Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Francisco 

H.    HOESCH, 

Res  tauran  t, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  aud  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  Up       -     -       $3,000,000 
Reserve  U.  S.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada, 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers, 
Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

:p:R,i:r>rT:E  zero- 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at  Lowest 

Rates.    Orders  by  Hail  receive  prompt 

attention. 

E.  C.    HUGHES, 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Corner  Merchant.  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.   0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Cougls,  Colds, 
Whoopirig  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    HASSHER,    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


PianoS 


Ohickering  &  Sons.Eoston ;  Bluthner.Leipzig. 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR,  MARKET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


C    RAIG     &     KREMPLE 

SUCCESSORS     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS    [ 

And    EMBA1MEK 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  Sta  e. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,     -conces,    Candlesticks    and 

Bouillottts. 

RARE     BRONZES,     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250 .000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Saiisome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wir.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter.  Assistant  Secretary 


0.  I.  HUTCHIDSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark.  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE  and  ,i^S3^'   MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAX  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICEES-C.  L. Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Yice-Pres.;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'v  and  Treasurer.  Di, 
rectors— I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
Daum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of    London,- 
imi  CALIFORNIA.  STREET,  S.  F. 


Rollin  P.  Saxe, 

218  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,   CAL 
Importer,  Breeder,  Exporter  and  Commission  Merchant  in  all  kinds  of 

Live   Stock. 


Berkshire  Swine  a  specialty, 


Correspondence  solicited. 


*"%•%.  .  f»«^«       ^v      ^ 


'A 


VOL.   X. 


SAN    FRANCISCO,  JAN.    13,  1883 


No.  337. 


I 


For 

Breakfast 

AND 

Lunch 
Go  to  the 
New   England 
KITCHEN. 

California  St. 


rHE  CELEBRATED 

HAMPACNE  WINES 

Messrs.  Dki'tz  «  Ueldkrjiann  At,  en  Champagne. 


CACHET    BL.i\C- Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREE\      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

•  ItlM   VI  \    RED   AND  WHITE   WINES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     WINES, 

[n  cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

arles  Meinecke  &  Co. 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


"Give  |y  m  a  literal  etetton," 


Oliampagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from  Mr.    Loots  Roederer,  Reims,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.     Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

M  -.o  i  ■ !  it.  ■-  \  r  r  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,         CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,  CALIFORNIA  WINES,    Etc., 

714     Front     Street, 

{Near  Broadway)-  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND     <.l\. 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

PORT,    SHERRY,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  fluty  paid. 
GEORGE        STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    2,     Sun     Francisco 


CHAMBERLAIN  &  BOBINSON 

PE0PBTET0ES. 


(IACIFIC 
f     BUSINESS 
AQLLEGE 
Uggo 


Post 

Street  ( 


S.F, 


e-SEND   FOR  CIRCULARS   | 


I    Leopold  Bro's 
LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny. 
BouquetB,  Baskets. WreatheB.CrnBee! 


S 


O 


s 

MOiNT'Y 

Street. 


hotographer. 


iEN   MCGAHY  &  CO, 

WHOLESALE 

)UOR    MERCHANTS, 

§22  and  824  FRONT  STREET, 
FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


COFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

13  0     nnd     12  2     Front     Street, 


: 


mento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR     SALE    BY    ALL    DRFtiGISTS. 


James  Sue  a,          A.    Bocqceraz.          R   McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers^nd  Jobbers  of  Fine 

E 

.     MARTI  N     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  HILTON    J.    HARDY," 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 
Corner  Front  suid  Jaekson    Streets, 

and    '*  MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Olii    Bourbon    Whiskies. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

408    FRONT     STREET,    S.    F. 

S    G  "FT    -p  i  ~r  r-p  57  3 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
Ji.  W.  Corner    SANSOME  and    SACRAMENTO   Streets,   San  Francisco. 


iper  Heidsieck 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  St.,  San  Francisco,  Cal. 


P 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  !" 

c.    z  1  isr  :sr  s  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  IMnsonic  Temple), 

SAN   FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,    S    and      10, 

Entrance,  SOO  Market  street. 

Dr.  CH AS    W.   DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORJM, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 
320     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


lIANOflHazelton  Br°s 

First  Class,    I  «halleti&cumston, 
Medium  Price,  A 


FULL    VALUE 

FOR   TOUR  MONLY 


A.JM.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647  g  Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


FINE  OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Photographs 
House-v^orth/s 

The  Highest  Stnndard  of  Exeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Go's 

CfBUDWEISER  BEER;) 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IK 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


4S- Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
II  ecu  AMI'S'  ivs  s  ITI  1 1:.  for  the  Rest  Work- 
manship. 


1 


MEDSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  ''THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUT    IUUH    SHIIHS    AHU    UHUtHWUIH   Uh    UAHHIftWI.  2b    KMBNT   STREET. 


L.  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  ana  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  ban  Ftrancisio. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  OAV- 
IAK  and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS-  German 
Sausages.  A.  RElSt'HE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

I>1!\  HOXOPOLE  (extra), 

I..  ROEUERER  (sweet  and  dry), 
MOET  A  CHANDOX, 
VEUVE    CLICQUOT. 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(Jons  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
IS"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
«'ll  AS.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 

JOHN  WIELAND,    -     -    Proprietor 


H 


olters  Brothers 6tUo 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Wines  and  Liquors 


9<>i    falifrvr^Tq  Pt~o-+.    Ppt,  TV 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F  .    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 

formerly  at  no.  313  bush  street,  has 
removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

No«.  114  and  ins  market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.     W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDONALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building  Co. 

Sawing,  Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

217  to  225  Spear  St.,  218  to  226  smart  St. 
San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


CAN  TRANCISCOOTOCK  DREWERY, 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 


ODR  LAGER  BEER  BREW. 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


^J^CuwKd^RCDOI.PH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


+ 


Cliaiape 


DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


joA  ^o\m\^  t  (jo! 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

syNone  Genuine  unless  bearing:  our  name  on  jLnbel  and  Cork_^8 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant 

THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.    F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUKAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WlLLIAitd,  DIJ..CND  &  CO 

SHIPPING   and 

COMiVIISSIQN  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE   STREETS 

SAN    FRA(VOI5CO. 

AGFNTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  8.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  NhYigati'.n  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Cn.:  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Mnrtne  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald 
win  Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
Nir-fc     Ashtnn  &  Son'ftP:itt. 


jf_626^ONTG0MERYJT.  & ..Sf.COR, SUTTER  &  DUEOtiT.SIS-,.. 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


0 
d 

r— I 

PQ 


0 
■P 

u 
eg 

o 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


OH  A 
Pure,  d 


M  P  A  G  N 


delicious  and  healthful.         \^m 
809  MONTGOMERY  St.,  San   Franeiseo. 


H 


N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 


The   Only 

LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed   ou   the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office: 

■Uh;    Sacramento    Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405     MARKET     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every    Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Ilay,  Grain  ami  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  P 

Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co., 

IMPORTERS  OF 

IE?  _A_  IE?   IE    ~El 

OF    ALL     KINDS. 

413  and  415  Sansome  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Hennery,  FJghtn  and  Brannan  streets. 

OLAXJS  BFBEOKELS President 

J.  D.  SPBE0KEL8    Vice-Preldent 

A.B.  8PKE0KELS Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  i.(MV,  Prcsidedt 
Office— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

415    MARKET    STREET;    S.     i; 


^OL.  10, 


y?  3  3  7. 


-, bi  ,  i 

■?r 


DUNCAN    AS    HE    SHOULD    BE. 


DUNCAN    AS    HE    IS. 


THE     WASP 


THE     BILLS. 


Poe-try   Adapted    to   the   Xmas   Season. 


'  I. 


Hear  the  creditors  with  bills, — 
Hateful  bills  ! 
What  a  world  of  restlessness  their  coming  here  instils  ! 
How  they  tinkle,  tinkle  tinkle, 

At  the  bell  from  morn  to  night, 
While  the  servants'  eyes  do  twinkle, 
And  by  many  a  merry  winkle 
I  can  see  that  with  delight 
They  keep  time,  time,  time, 
With  a  sort  of  laughing  rhyme, 
To  thetintinabulation  that  so  mercilessly  trills 
From  the  voices  and  the  ringing  of  the  bringers  of  the 
bills  — 
Of  the  bills,  bills,  bills,  bills, 
Bills,  bills,  bills,— 
From  the  voices  of  the  duns  who  bring  the  bills. 

II. 
See  the  tailors'  lengthy  bills, — 
Heavy  bills  ! 
What  a  world  of  weariness  the  sight  of  them  instils  ! 
Through  the  dreary,  dreary  night, 
How  they  chill  me  with  affright  ! 
Had  I  cash  in  gold  or  notes, 

What  a  boon  ! 
Then  I'd  get  fresh  vests  and  coats 
And  appear  where  all  the  finest  fashion  floats 

Late  and  soon  ! 
Then,  0  Snips,  withdraw  your  bills, 
And  the  gush  of  gratitude  that  now  my  bosom  fills. 
Let  it  pay 
For  to-day  ; 
And  the  future  and  its  ills, 
.    I  may  meet  with  sweeter  thrills, 
And  get  rid  of  this  vile  ringing, 
And  this  very  vexing  bringing 
Of  the  bills,  bills,  bills, — 
Of  the  bills,  bills,  bills,  bills, 
Bills,  bills,  bills, 
Of  this  ringing  and  this  bringing  of  the  bills. 
Ill 
Hear  again  the  angry  bell, — 
Beastly  bell  ! 
What  a  tale  of  terror  doth  its  turbulency  tell  ! 
It  makes  my  cheeks  turn  white, 
As  full  well,  indeed,  it  might  : 
For  I  hear  shrill  voices  speak 
And  they  vow  they'll  vengeance  wreak 
On  my  head  ! 
In  their  clamorous  appealing  to  the  servant  at  the  door, 
In  their  mad  expostulation  with  the  minion  at  the  door, 
They  shout  higher,  higher,  higher, 
With  a  desperate  desire, 
And  a  resolute  endeavor 
To  see  me  now  or  never. 

Let  me  rest  again  in  bed. 
Oh  these  bills,  bills,  bills, 
How  they  bring  me  dreadful  chills 

Of  despair  ! 
See  !   they  gather  more  and  more, 
Till  the  dinning  at  the  door. 
Really  gives  me  quite  a  palpitating  air. 

Yet  my  heart,  my  heart  doth  know, 
That  their  clanging 
And  their  banging 
Will  not  yield  them'one  poor  sou  ; 
For  my  purse  distinctly  tells 
That  within  it 
This  sad  minute 
Barren  bankruptcy  now  dwells  ! 
For  they've  snatched  my  final  dollar,  have  the  bringers 
of  the  bills, — 

Of  the  bills,— 
Of  the  bills,  bills,  bills,  bills, 
Bills,  bills,  bills,— 
For  they've  taken  every  stiver  have  these  wretches  with 
the  bills. 

IV. 
O,  these  agonizing  bills, — 
Cursed  bills  ! 
What  a  world  of  bitterness  is  bred  from  such-like  ills  ! 
How  I  hate  the  very  sight 
Of  the  messengers  of  spite, 
Who  strike  terror  with  the  menace  of  their  tone  ! 
I'd  like  to  take  their  notes 
And  thrust  them  down  the'r  throats 


Till  they  groan. 
And  the  grocer — ah,  the  grocer — 
How  I'd  like  to  meet  that  foe,  sir, 

All  alone  ! 
How  I'd  roll  him,  roll  him,  roll  him, 

Till  he  ached  in  every  bone, 
And  with  hands  in  hair  I'd  "poll "  him, 

And  then  leave  him  like  a  stone. 
For  no  living  man  01  woman 
Has  so  often  vowed  to  summon 

Me  to  court  ; 
And  he  charges  nought  but  "  goods," 
Always,  goods,  goods,  goods, 

Without  naming  any  sort. 
Oh,  with  rage  my  bosom  fills 
At  his  greasy,  yellow  bills, 
For  on  them  he  butter  spills 
Every  tine,  time,  time  ; 
Yes,  he  daubs  with  dirt  and  grime 
All  his  wretched,  blotchy,  bills,— 

Dirty  bills  ! 
But  if  time,  time,  time, 
Will  but  one  day  let  me  climb 
Out  of  reach  of  these  vile  bills — 
Hated  bills,  bills,  bills, 
Out  of  reach  of  all  my  bills,— 
I  will  rhyme,  rhyme,  rhyme, 
And  no  dime,  dime,  dime, 
Shall  he  get  for  all  his  bills, — 

For  his  bills,  bills,  bills- 
He  shall  gain  nought  by  his  bills, 
By  his  bills,  bills,  bills,"  bills, 
Bills,  bills,  bills  — 
And  I'll  laugh  while  he  is  groaning  and  is  moaning  o'er 

his  bills  ! 
San  Francisco,  January,  2,  1SS3. 


FLOTSAM. 


A  Tale  of  the  Prodigious  Dampness  of  1852. 


I  presume  most  of  my  readers  retain  a  tolerably 
wholesome  recollection  of  the  annoyances  they 
suffered  at  Jackass  Flat  in  1852.  They  remember 
how  bad  the  walking  was,  with  eighteen  or  twenty 
feet  of  running  water  on  the  sidewalks  ;  and  how 
cold  the  water  was.  They  cannot  have  wholly  for- 
gotten the  vexation  caused  by  their  houses  thump- 
ing against  one  another,  lodging  in  the  tops  of 
trees,  and  turning  round  so  as  to  let  the  sun  in  on 
the  carpets.  Those  of  them  who  lived  in  adobe- 
cottages,  it  is  true,  escaped  these  latter  evils  by 
their  habitations  simply  melting  away  and  seeking 
the  sea  by  natural  outlets.  Still,  there  was  a  good 
deal  of  discomfort  for  all. 

One  of  the  greatest  annoyances  in  those  days  was 
the  unusual  number  of  dead  bodies  cruising  about 
—privateers,  steeriug  hither  and  thither  without 
any  definite  destination,  but  aiming  at  making 
themselves  generally  disagreeable.  There  were 
always  some  of  the  fellows  sailing  about  in  this 
desultory  way  ;  and  they  were  reponsible,  one  way 
and  another,  for  considerable  profanity.  I  knew 
quiet,  peaceable  citizens  to  get  as  angry  as  ever 
they  could  be  when  some  waif  of  this  kind  would 
lodge  against  their  dining-room  doors  while  the 
family  were  at  supper ;  and  sometimes  when  you 
wquld  throw  up  your  second-story  window  to  go 
out  for  an  evening  "at  the  office,"  one  would  come 
rocking  gently  in  amongst  the  children,  and  anchor 
on  the  hearth-rug.  And  the  worst  of  it  was  that 
if  you  did  not  feel  hospitable,  you  might  have  to 
swim  a  mile  or  two  to  get  the  coroner  to  deputize 
you  to  hold  an  inquest  and  eject  the  intruder. 
Otherwise,  you  were  liable  to  shooting  for  removing 
a  stranded  body  without  authority.  And  if  the 
coroner  could  not  write  (there  were,  I  think,  four 
coroners  during  the  time  the  water  was  laid  on, 
and  some  could  never  be  taught  to  hold  the  pen 
right  end  up)  you  must  take  along  a  witness ;  or 
that  official  might  "  go  back  on  his  word/:  and  you 
would  be  at  the  trouble  of  killing  him.  All  these 
things  made  Jackass  Flat  practically  untenable  ; 
but  there  was  only  one  direction  in  which  it  was 
possible  to  leave  ;  and  that  route  led  through  sev- 
eral rivers,  Suisun,  San  Pablo,  and  San  Francisco 
bays,  and  so  on  out  into  the  Pacific. 

It  was  a  wild  black  night  in  Bummer  street.  The 
wind  fairly  howled  !  The  rain  scourged  the  roofs, 
twisting  in  wet  sheets  about  the  chimneys,  and 
pulling  them  down,  as  the  velvet  train  of  a  lady 
clings  to  the  ankle  of  the  unwary  dancer,  and  up- 
sets him  in  a  minute.  There  was  more  water  in 
Bummer  street  than  you  would  have  thought  from 


merely  looking  at  the  surface  ;  because,  as  a  rule, 
you  can't  see  very  far  into  water  every  cubic  mile- 
of  which  holds  in  solution  a  small  range  of  moun- 
tains and  two  or  three  mining  towns.  The  board- 
ing house  of  Mrs.  Hashagen  presented,  however 
you  might  look  at  it,  a  very  dejected  aspect.  There 
was  one  tallow-candle  burning  dimly  at  an  open 
upper  window  ;  and  beside  it  sat,  in  anxious  ex- 
pectancy, the  landlady's  old  mother-in-law,  plying 
the  busy  needle.  Her  son,  the  man  of  the  house, 
who  was  "having  a  little  game  with  the  boys" 
behind  a  dormer-window  at  Clawhammer  Jake's, 
had  promised  to  return  at  ten  o'clock  if  he  had 
"any  kind  o'  luck  "—-which  meant  any  kind  ex- 
cepting bad  or  indifferent  luck — and  it  was|now 
eleven.  There  was  no  knowing,  either,  how'soon 
it  might  be  necessary  to  take  to  the  boats.  Pre- 
sently something  bumped  against  the  side  of  th& 
house,  there  was  a  murmur  of  subdued  swearing 
outside,  a  scow  was  pushed  up  to  the  window  ledge, 
and  Mr.  Hashagen  stepped  into  the  room. 

"  How's  business,  Joseph  f  was  the  laconic  wel- 
come from  the  aged  mother. 

"  Disgustin'  !''  was  the  unamiahle  reply  of  her 
son,  as  he  chained  his  barge  to  the  shutter.  ''Never 
held  such  denied  hands  in  my  life.  Beat  the  game, 
though.  Ten  or  twenty  dollars,  I  should  say.  But 
'tain't  no  use  fer  me  to  keep  up  that  lick.  Fate's 
dead  agin  me — that's  how  I  put  it  up." 

"Quite  true,  Joseph,"  replied  the  old  lady, 
mildly  ;   "we  done  better'n  that  to  home." 

"Did,  hay?" 

There  was  a  long  silence,  broken  only  by  the 
pounding  and  chafing  of  Mr.  Hashagen's  galley 
against  the  side  of  the  house.  The  wind  had  died 
away,  or  moaned  only  at  long  intervals,  like  the 
warning  wail  of  the  Banshee.  Some  solemn  and 
mysterious  spell  seemed  to  brood,  upon  that  house- 
hold ;  a  vague  but  ghostly  presentiment  was  at 
the  heart  of  Mr.  Hashagen — a  subtle  sense  of  help- 
lessness and  dread  in  the  presence  of  some  over- 
shadowing Presence.  He  rose  and  looked  out  upon 
the  moving  waters. 

■'Mary  Ann's  got  a  customer,  Joseph,"  said  the 
old  lady,  with  an  air  of  forced  cheerfulness,  as  if 
to  dispel  the  gathering  gloom  by  idle  talk. 

"  What  is  he  ?"  inquired  her  son,  mechanically, 
not  even  withdrawing  his  eyes  from  the  window — 
"  roomer  or  mealer  V 

"  Only  a  bedder  at  present,   Joseph." 

"Pay  in  advance?" 

"  No,  Joseph." 

"Any  traps  ?" 

''Not  even  a  carpet-bag." 

"  Know  him  V 

"  We  never  none  of  us  ever  seen  him  afore. " 

There  was  another  pause.  The  conversation  had 
recalled  Mr.  Hashagen's  faculties  to  the  cares  of 
the  lodging-house  business,  and  he  was  turning 
something  over  in  his  mind,  but  did  not  seem  to 
get  it  right  side  up.     Presently  he  spoke  : 

"Hang  me  ef  I  savvy  !  He  didn't  pungle,  he 
ain't  got  no  kit  ;  and  nobody  don't  know  him  ! 
Now  it's  my  opinion  he's  a  dead  beat — that's  how 
I  put  him  up  !  He  lays  out  to  get  away  with  us — 
to  play  roots  on  the  shebang.  But  I'll  get  the 
drop  on  him;  I'll  ring  in  a  cold  deck  on  him,  or 
I'm  a  Chinaman  ;  you  just  dot  that  down — that's 
me  !  " 

But  all  this  time  there  was  a  chill  fear  creeping 
about  Joseph's  heart.  He  talked  very  bravely,  but 
he  felt,  somehow,  that  it  didn't  help  him.  He 
didn't  exactly  connect  this  feeling  with  his  myste- 
rious lodger  ;  but  he  thought  he  would  rather  have 
taken  in  some  person  he  knew.  The  old  lady 
made  no  further  attempt  to  put  him  at  his  ease, 
but  sat  placidly  sewing,  with  a  face  as  impassive  as 
that  of  the  Sphinx. 

"I  say,  mother,  has  he  turned  in  ?" 

*(  Yes,  Joseph,  I  belive  he  retired  some  hours 
ago." 

"  Then  bust  my  crust  ef  I  don't  go  for  his 
duds ! " 

And  seizing  the  candle  this  provident  landlord 
strode  into  the  hall,  marched  resolutely  to  the 
proper  door,  laid  hold  of  the  knob,  and  then,  as  he 
afterward  described  it,  "  you  could  have  knocked 
him  down  with  a  one-dollar  bill.  However,,  he 
pushed  open  the  door  and  entered. 

And  there,  stretched  out  upon  a  bed  and  de- 
cently sheeted  from  sight,  lay  the  motionless  form 
of  Mary  Ann's  lodger.  Mr.  Hashagen  resolutely 
advanced  and  drawing  off  the  covering  exposed  the 
whole  figure,  which  was  about  ten  inches  long,  and 
rosy  as  a  summer  sunset.  The  new  bedder  was  as- 
much  as  three  hours  of  age  and  quite  hearty.. 


THE     WASP. 


THE    CHRISTMAS    WASP. 


The  demand  for  the  Christmas  Wasp  so  far  ex- 
ceeded our  expectations  that  although  a  second 
and  a  third  edition  were  printed,  many  orders 
have  remained  unfilled  because  their  aggregate 
number  was  not  great  enough  to  justify  the  ex- 
pense of  a  fourth.  The  order  contained  in  the 
following  telegram,  however,  is  su  large  that  we 
decided  to  till  it. 

Portland,  "/*.,  Jan.  S,  1883. 

&CB08BS.  E,C.  MaccarlaneA  Co.  DearSirs:  Ihave 
juat  received  your  Christmas  number,  and  have  to  thank 
you  for  the  elegant  illustrations  of  views  along  our  road. 
I  would  like  to  have  ten  thousand  [10,000]  extra  copies  <  f 
the  paper  for  distribution,  and  will  pay  the  additional  ex- 
pense of  publication.  Please  telegraph  answei,  with 
memorandum  <•(  cost,  etc.     Yours  truly, 

John  Muk. 
Supt.  of  Traffic,  Northern  Pacific  and  Oregon  Railroad  Co. 

In  filling  this  order  we  shall  accommodate  also 
the  dealers  whom  we  have  hitherto  been  unable  to 
supply,  and  such  other  persons  as  have  favored  us 
with  orders  since  our  third  edition  was  exhausted, 
besides  printing  a  number  of  additional  copies  suf- 
ficiently large  to  meet  all  probable  demands  in  the 
future.  Aside  from  other  considerations,  Mr. 
Muir's  order  is  particularly  agreeable  as  testimony 
to  the  exctdlence  of  illustrations  which  were  made 
with  no  expectation  of  such  substantial  recognition 
by  the  great  corporation  which  he  represents.  Per- 
sons who  advertised  in  the  Christmas  Wasp  will 
also,  we  trust,  appreciate  the  advantage  to  them- 
selves of  Mr.  Muir's  action.  The  merchants  of 
San  Francisco  who  are  competing  for  trade  along 
the  great  Northland  route  can  hardly  fail  to  be 
profited  by  the  distribution  of  their  announce- 
ments in  the  wide  field  which  they  hope  to  conquer. 


LITERARY     NOTES. 


What  bind  of    "talent"    it   is   that  stoops   to 
friendly  criticism  "  may  be  inferred  from  the  fol- 
lowing extract  from  the  "  book  notices  "  of  a  well- 
known  weekly  newspaper,  whose  name  we  merci- 
fully suppress  : 

It  is  with  pleasure  we  hail  the  reappearance  of  the  old 
On  rland  Montldy.  Why  its  name  was  ever  dropped  has 
always  been  a  puzzle  to  us,  associated  as  it  is  with  Borne 
uf  the  brightest  names  which  have  adorned  the  literature 
of  California.  The  prose  matter  is  excellent,  and  some  of 
the  verse  far  above  the  average  merit  of  local  productions. 
The  continued  story,  "Thaloe,"  by  Bishop  Kip,  has  a 
great  deal  in  it  that  reminds  us  of  some  of  classic  novels 
oE  Bulwer  Lytton,  and  shows  that  the  writer  is  thoroughly 
at  home  with  ancient  lure. 

What  the  miscjiief  the  writer  of  this  choice  bit  of 
criticism  means  by  regretting  that  the  name  of  a 
magazine  was  "  dropped  "  when  the  magazine  itself 
died  is  beyond  conjecture.  The  circumstance  of  its 
being  long  afterward  picked  up  by  another  mag- 
azine with  another  name  does  not  appear  to  throw 
much  light  upon  the  matter.  As  to  the  rest,  one 
hardly  knows  which  the  more  to  admire,  the  lite- 
rary susceptibility  which    is   stirred    by  the   story 

Thaloe  to  memories  of  Bulwer,  or  the  accurate 
knowledge   which   ascribes  that  story   to    Bishop 

College  Verses  is  the  modest  title  of  a  little  vol- 
ume from  the  press  of  the  California  Publishing 
Company  containing  some  half -a- hundred  efforts  at 
poetry-making  by  the  students  of  the  State  Univer- 
sity. It  begins  with  a  number  of  "sonnets"  that 
are  not  sonnets  and  ends  with  a  number  of  "  lyrics  " 
that  are  destitute  of  any  lyrical  qualities.  In  the 
preface  we  are  told  that  the  selections  were  made 
by  a  member  of  the  senior  class  and  "several  per- 
sons of  authority  in  and  out  of  the  college,  who 
have  also  revised  and  approved  the  whole  selec- 
tion. The  member  of  the  senior  class  may  be  for- 
given on  account  of  his  youth  if  he  will  promise- 
like the  banker's  clerk  whose  wife  had  a  child— not 
to  let  it  occur  again;  but  we  are  clearly  of  the 
opinion  that  the  "persons  of  authority"  should 
be  compelled  to  read  the  whole  work  to  the  bitter 
end.  The  Shmn  family  is  perhaps  over-represented. 
Indeed,  the  book  has  as  many  Shinns   as  a  centi- 


I 


pede.  of  course  it  is  no!  worth  while  to  be 
"severe"  on  juvenile  performances  like  these, 
when  they  are  •'coldly  furnished  forth"  with  a 
tacit  confession  of  their  faults.  At  the  same  time 
u  b  in  iv  venture  to  remind  the  "  persons  of  author- 
ity "  that  the  hard  conditions  under  which  literary 
work  is  produced  and  the  frank  confession  of  its 
faults  are  not  mitigating  circumstances  and  a  re- 
commendation  to  critical  mercy,  respectively.  On 
the  contrary  they  constitute  an  aggrivation  of  the 
offense,  for  they  are  just  so  many  reasons  why  the 
writing  should  not  have  been  done  and  the  book 
published.  The  reader  and  the  critic  have  nothing 
whatever  to  do  with  the  youth  of  a  writer  or  the 
motive  of  a  publisher.  The  knowledge  of  such 
matters  is  unprofitable,  their  consideration  im- 
pertinent. Perhaps  the  best  plea  that  can  be 
urged  by  the  "  persons  of  authority  "  in  defense 
of  this  book  is  that  of  the  unmarried  housemaid 
who,  about  to  be  discharged  for  the  crime  of  ma- 
ternity, pointed  to  her  babe  and  protested,  "It  is 
such  a  very  little  one,  ma'am." 

The  Century  and  St.  Nicholas  for  January  have 
been  awaiting  notice  for  some  time.  Both,  as  re- 
gards their  letter-press,  are  excellent  in  their  dif- 
ferent ways,  but  we  begin  to  tire  of  the  smooth- 
ness, prettiness  and  delicacy  of  their  wood  engrav- 
ing. Without  any  disposition  to  underrate  the 
substantial  superiority  of  the  wood  engraving  of  to- 
day over  that  of  ten  years  ago,  we  protest  that  the 
"revival  "  has  gone  about  as  far  as  it  can  afford  to 
go  on  the  lines  laid  down  for  it,  and  there  is  great 
danger  that  the  strength  and  spirit  of  the  art  will 
be  refined  away  unless  a  halt  is  called  soon. 

The  Illustrated  Annual  of  the  Stockton  Evening 
Mail  is  a  very  pretty  and  attractive  book,  full  of 
excellent  wood  engravings  and  interesting  reading. 
It  was  obviously  got  up  in  ^he  East — all  excepting 
the  advertisements- -and  we  are  in  terror  lest  it 
come  to  us  from  a  dozen  country  newspapers  as 
their  illustrated  annual,  with  no  other  difference 
than  the  title — and  the  advertisements.  In  that 
case  we  shall  feel  compelled  to  pain  our  good  friend 
the  Mail  by  withdrawing  our  praise  and  pronounc- 
ing the  book  exceedingly  ugly  and  dull. 

M1TT1E, 

It  was  a  dreary  November  night.  A  drizzling 
rain  was  falling  and  turning  to  sleet  as  quickly  as 
it  touched  the  ground.  The  air,  even  in-doors, 
was  damp  and  chilly,  and  the  roaring  fire  seemed 
to  have  little  effect  in  battling  with  the  clammy 
atmosphere.  The  moaning  wind  would  occasion- 
ally change  to  a  wild  shriek  and  then  again  lower 
to  a  sigh,  rattling  every  loose  board  and  splinter, 
and  now  and  then  send  a  cloud  of  smoke  back 
down  the  chimney  asagentle  reminder  that  a  severe 
winter  storm  was  getting  well  under  way.  Inside 
an  imposing  mansion  on  such  a  night  as  this  sat 
two  persons,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Arnold.  The  former, 
a  stout,  middle-aged  man,  was  seated  in  a  great 
arm  chair  with  his  head  bowed  down,  his  chin  rest- 
ing on  his  hands  and  his  eyes  half  closed.  He  was 
well  dressed,  and  this  and  the  rich  furniture  and 
cozy  arrangements  of  the  room  indicated  that  the 
owner  was  a  man  of  wealth,  and  being  also  the 
husband  of  a  handsome  young  wife,  one  would 
naturally  suppose  Mr.  Amos  Arnold  was  a  happy 
man.  But  not  so.  Some  unseen  grief,  some  hid- 
den sorrow  had  gnawed  at  his  heart-strings  until 
the  strong  man  had  almost  succumbed.  Beside 
him  sat  his  wife,  a  fair  creature  with  a  pale,  sad 
face  and  sunken  eyes  that  looked  unusually  sad  and 
weary.  She,  too,  had  evidently  seen  something  of 
the  dark  side  of  life  and,  possibly,  more  than  her 
share  for  one  so  young.  She  sat  with  her  hands 
lying  listlessly  in  her  lap,  and  rocking  herself  back- 
ward and  forward,  and  staring  at  the  roaring  fire 
with  her  sad,  blue  eyes  that  sparkled  accasionally 
when  a  tear  was  almost  forced  back,  and  now  and 
then  when  one  would  force  its  way  through  silken 
lashes  and  splash  over  her  little  jeweled  hands. 

"I  feel  so  strange,  to-night,  Amos  dear,"  said 
the  young  wife,  after  prolonged  silence.  "  A 
strange  presentiment  seems  to  steal  over  me  in 
spite  of  myself.  What  can  it  mean?  I  never  had 
such  a  dreadful  fear  of  something,  I  know  not 
what.  I  wonder  how  people  feel  when  they  are 
about  to  die,  Amos  J"  she  went  on  in  a  sad  tone, 
not  once  taking  her  eyes  from  the  glowing  fire. 

Mr.  Arnold's  only  answer  was  a  churlish,  "  How 
should  I  know  ?"  after  which  he  sank  again  into  a 
sullen  silence.  His  features,  which  were  now 
plainly  visible  in  the  glow  of  the  fire-light,  had  a 
jaded   and  care-worn   expression,    and  a  few  hard 


lines  about  the  resolute  mouth  denoted  anything 
but  tenderness.  He  finally  arose  from  his  sitting 
posture  and  glanced  angrily  at  his  wife,  while  a 
half-smothered  fire  flashed  from  his  dark  eyes,  and 
a  savage,  half-desperate  look  settled  over  his  face. 
Mrs.  Arnold  again  broke  the  silence  : 

"  I  feel  as  though  some  great  calamity  was  about 
to  befall  us,"  she  said.  "I  wonder  where  my 
darling  is  to-night  I" 

"'  Nonsense  !"  exclaimed  her  husband,  savagely. 
"  I  have  been  expecting  this  for  some  time,  al- 
though I  had  hoped  once  that  you  would  cease  to 
torture  me.  Your  darling  is  no  doubt  faring  better 
than  she  deserves.'1 

Mr.  Arnold  now  seated  himself  and  relapsed 
into  profound  silence  and  his  wife  continued  : 

"  It  was  on  as  dark  and  stormy  a  night  as  this 
that  my  precious  pet  was  lost  in  the  street.  Alas  ! 
my  own,  my  dearest  Mittie,  I  never  expect  to  see 
you  alive  again." 

"  Mary  !';  cried  Mr.  Arnold,  springing  from  his 
chair  and  walking  rapidly  up  and  down  the  room, 
"  keep  quiet,  I  besech  you,  and  let  this  detestable 
subject  drop,  or  by  heaven  you  will  drive  me  mad. 
I  heartily  curse  the  day  on  which  your  Mittie  came 
into  existence,  and  now,  once  for  all  " — 

But  the  sentence  was  never  finished  ;  the  cruel 
words  were  cut  short  by  a  noise  at  the  door,  a  kind 
of  wailing  cry,  that  sent  the  life-blood  coursing 
through  the  veins  of  Mrs.  Arnold  and  brought  an 
usual  glow  to  her  faded  cheek,  while  her  husband 
stood  silent  with  ashen  face  and  quivering  lip. 

' '  'Tis  she  !  My  poor  lost  darling  !  My  own 
dear  Mittie  !"  screamed  Mrs.  Arnold  as  she  sprang 
toward  the  door.  Her  husband  advanced,  and 
rudely  pushing  her  aside,  opened  it  and  admitted  a 
wee  creature,  destitute  of  clothing,  shivering  with 
wet  and  cold,  and  almost  too  weak  from  exposure 
and  fasting  to  stand  alone. 

Mr.  Arnold  slammed  the  door  vengefully,  and 
without  a  second  glance  at  the  little  waif  which  his 
wife  now  tenderly  clasped  to  her  bosom,  continued 
his  walk  up  and  down  the  room. 

There  was  a  silence  of  several  minutes,  after 
which  the  cruel  husband  said  : 

"  Well,  you  are  satisfied  now,  I  hope,  and  will 
probably  allow  me  a  little  rest  and  quiet.  I  doubt 
whether  you  would  think  more  of  a  child  than  you 
do  of  that  infernal  Maltese  cat." 

Saying  this,  the  irate  husband  strode  indig- 
nantly from  the  room  and  retired  for  the  night. 

Omaha,  January  2,  1883.  H.  S.  S. 


THE     MACE-KALLOCH     AFFAIR. 


The  Mace  testimonial  on  last  Monday  evening  of 
January  8th  was  a  complete  triumph  of  matter 
over  mind.  A  building  dedicated  to  spiritual  wor- 
ship used  for  the  purpose  of  a  brutal  physical  dis- 
play. A  church  furnished  with  all  the  parapher- 
nalia of  divine  service  turned  into  one  huge 
contribution-box  for  the  benefit  of  a  retired  pugil- 
ist. The  science  of  dodging  a  blow  versus  the 
expounding  of  the  text.  Noses  that  were  pulpits 
for  ministers  of  the  gospel  of  "self-defense."  A 
congregation  of  lusty  sinners  who  wrestled  to  get 
a  glimpse  of  the  great  expounder  of  the  Marquis 
of  Queensbury's  rules.  A  church,  packed  with 
smoking,  sweating,  swearing  worshippers  at  the 
shrine  of  muscular  aggression.  An  atmosphere 
thick  with  fumes  of  Barbary  coast  whisky  echoing 
the  coarse  encouragemeut  of  brutality.  A  conven- 
tion of  "muscular  Christianity,"  tilling  the  huge 
edifice  with  vile  oaths  and  viler  tobacco  smoke. 
What  particular  Deity  could  feel  flattered  by  such 
attentions  ?  What  particular  creed  would  care  to 
acknowledge  the  responsibility  of  such  a  convoca- 
tion? 

It  is  playing  the  devil  with  religious  traditions, 
but  the  slogging  was  good. 


The  legislators  have  begun  by  defeating  a  rail- 
road man  for  the  Speakership  of  the  House,  and 
there  is  great  glory  and  joy  thereat,  and  plenty  of 
talk  about  the  way  the  monopoly  will  be  banged 
about  this  session.  A  good  beginning,  no  doubt, 
but  how  long  will  it  last?  When  the  artful  lobby- 
ist parades  the  corridors  with  his  sack,  and  drops 
into  the  bar-rooms  with  his  sack,  and  ushers  legis- 
lators into  his  private  quarters  where  the  sack  sits 
enshrined,  will  the  present  virtue  be  proof  against 
the  temptation?  We  hope  so,  but  we  know  the 
power  of  hard  American  money  when  weighed  in 
the  balance  with  that  hollow  thing  called  public 
approbation. 


THE    WASP 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.   MACFARLANE    &    CO., 
Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS : 

One  copy,  one  year,  or  52  numbers $5  00 

One  copy,  six  months,  or  26  numbers 2  50 

One  copy  for  thirteen  weeks 125 

Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 

The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 

AH  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions  and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp:  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J. W.  A.Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

iVo  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  tkis  journal. 
SATURDAY,   -    -    -   JANUARY    13,   1883. 


This  oleomargarine  movement  is  no  legitimate 
manufacturing  enterprise  ;  it  is  a  stock-jobbing 
speculation.  This  is  the  least  mischievous  form  it 
could  assume,  for  it  is  better  the  public  be  swindled 
than  poisoned.  Unfortunately,  however,  they  do 
make  oleomargarine  and  sell  it.  That  is  necessary 
in  order  to  place  the  shares.  When  they  have  all 
been  placed,  oleomargarine  will  doubtless  disappear 
from  the  market.  Indeed,  none  has  ever  been  in 
the  market — as  oleomargarine.  We  know  they 
are  making  it,  for  in  the  various  butchers'  shops 
and  stalls  are  kept  tubs  of  refus  >  fat,  bloody  fag- 
ends  of  unsaleable  meat,  broken  t  mes  and  all  man- 
ner of  "  dog."  This  precious  accu  lulation  of  stuff 
to  which-  the  oleomargarine  mill  .ms  given  a  new 
value,  is  carted  away  every  mor:  ting  and  sold  to 
Mr.  Wilson  and  his  co-malefactors.  The  pretense 
that  oleomargarine  is  made  of  suet  needs  no  dis- 
proof. All  the  animals  butchered  in  the  State 
have  not  suet  enough  to  supply  the  Palace  Hotel 
with  oleomargarine.  Moreover,  the  butchers  will 
not  sell  suet  except  to  their  customers  for  domestic 
use.  Now  what  becomes  of  the  weekly  output  of 
oleomargarine  ?  Its  sale  as  butteris  prohibited  by 
law,  and  the  Wilson  person  and  the  Mastick  person 
prof  ess  themselves  in  favor  of  the  law's  enforce- 
ment. Yet  it  all  mysteriously  disappears  the  mo- 
ment it  passes  out  of  the  mill.  There  is  not  a 
place  in  town,  that  we  have  been  able  to  discover, 
where  oleomargarine  is  on  sale — as  oleomargarine. 
It  is  sold  at  certain  groceries — as  butter.  It  is 
served  at  certain  hotels  and  restaurants — as  butter. 
We  have  some  of  these  places  noted  down,  and 
when  the  list  is  long  enough  its  publication  will 
supply  reading  matter  instructive  to  some  and  in- 
teresting to  all. 


We  observe  that  the  fellow  James  Wilson  has 
been  replj'ing  (at  a  cost  to  his  stockholders  of  a 
dollar  a  line)  to  our  remarks  of  last  week.  When 
fools  are  derided  and  rogues  exposed  they  have  one 
traditional  method  of  defence  and  retaliation : 
they  lie.  This  is  natural  and,  in  a  sense,  commend- 
able— in  the  same  sense  that  it  is  commendable  in 
a  kicked  skunk  to  execute  a  deafening  odor  :  it  is 


all  that  the  poor  creature  can  do.  As  that  ani- 
mal's means  of  defense  are  carried  well  abaft,  so 
Mr.  Wilson's  peculiar  method  of  retaliation  is  dis 
closed  in  the  tail  of  his  reply — thus  : 

"  Your  readers  may,  perhaps,  be  better  able  to  grasp 
the  animus  of  the  attack  with  which  we  have  been  deal- 
ing when  they  learn  that  the  same  weeldy  in  which  it 
appeared  offered  for  a  certain  price  to  publish  a  caricature 
of  the  same  dairymen  whom  they  now  champion,  and 
that  the  offer  was  refused  and  this  attack  is  the  conse- 
quence." 

We  were  willing  to  publish  Mr.  Wilson's  adver- 
tisement— written  or  pictorial.  Indeed,  we  did 
publish  it.  We  are  willing  to  publish  it  now,  and 
should  now,  as  we  did  then,  "attack  "  oleomarga- 
rine all  the  time.  But  when  we  were  asked  to  put 
a  picture  in  praise  of  his  abominable  merchandise 
on  one  of  our  regular  cartoon  pages  we  declined. 
Turning  to  our  letter  book  (which  anybody  may 
see  who  has  an  interest  in  the  matter)  we  find  that 
the  terms  in  which  we  declined  were  as  follows — 
the  letter  being  addressed  to  Mr.  Feinberg,  agent 
of  the  company,  and  dated  November  16,  1882  : 

"It  will  be  impossible  for  us  to  make  the  cartoon  you 
propose  on  our  middle  page  or  on  any  of  our  cartoon 
pages.  The  only  way  we  can  publish  it  will  be  as  a  col- 
ored supplement.  It  can  be  pasted  in  and  the  page  num- 
bered and  you  will  get  as  much  benefit  froni  it  in  that  way 
as  though  it  appeared  as  one  of  our  regular  cartoons.  But 
under  no  circumstances  can  we  devote  our  cartoon  pages 
to  advertising  purposes." 

Fahus  in  uno,  falsus  .  omnibus :  if  the  oleo- 
margarine gang#will  lie  about  their  critics  they  will 
lie  about  their  bull  butter — and  get  Professor 
Thomas  Low-Price  to  assist  them. 


After  a  good  deal  of  discussion  the  members  of 
the  Charter  Commission  agreed  that  their  new 
Charter  should  go  into  effect  on  the  first  day  of 
January,  1885,  the  Legislature,  the  people  and 
God  willing.  It  is  an  intolerably  long  Charter, 
and  we  do  not  believe  that  one  legislator  in  a 
dozen  nor  one  voter  in  a  hundred  will  read  it  be- 
fore giving  the  city  the  advantage  of  his  judgment 
on  it.  Under  these  circumstances,  it  is  to  be  re- 
gretted that  the  question  of  its  adoption  or  rejec- 
tion could  not  have  been  referred  to  some  simpler 
arbitrament  than  that  provided  by  the  Constitu- 
tion. If  the  Mayor  of  San  Francisco  and  the 
Chairman  of  the  Commission  could  have  been  em- 
powered by  law  to  decide  the  matter  by  the  impar- 
tial method  of  flipping  up  a  copper,  we  believe  the 
result  would  have  been  cheerfully  accepted  by  the 
people  as  a  wise  and  satisfactory  decision.  Laugh 
as  we  may  at  Rabelais'  Judge  Bridlegoose,  who, 
when  impeached  for  determining  legal  questions 
with  dice,  pleaded  for  lenity  on  the  ground  that 
his  eyesight  was  so  impaired  by  age  that  he  some- 
times mistook  the  spots,  this  simple  and  natural 
manner  of  settling  disputed  questions  has  some- 
thing in  it  which  has  commended  itself  to  the 
good  sense  of  all  men  in  all  ages,  and  millions  of 
money  change  hands  every  day  on  hazards  in 
which  no  other  principle  has  a  determining  in- 
fluence. 


At  the  first  meeting  of  the  Board  of  Railroad 
Commissioners,  on  Tuesday  last,  Mr.  Foote  made  a 
vigorous  beginning  at  the  redemption  of  his  pledges 
in  the  lawful  coin  of  performance.  No  sooner  was 
the  Board  organized  than  he  offered  a  resolution 
reducing  passenger  rates  on  all  lines  owned,  leased, 
controlled  or  operated  by  the  Central  Pacific  and 
Southern  Pacific  companies  to  a  uniform  charge  of 
three  cents  a  mile  for  adults,  and  one  and  a  half 
cent  for  children  between  the  ages  of  five  and 
twelve.  Another  resolution  with  which  Commis- 
sioner Foote  came  provided  requires  the  various 
railroad  companies  to  supply  under  oath  complete 
statements  of  their  affairs,-  from  the  original  cost 
of  their  roads  to  the  freight  rates  on  cats.     This  is 


characteristic  of  Mr.  Foote ;  the  promptitude  and 
energy  with  which  he  lays  hold  of  the  horns  of 
any  bull  that  he  has  undertaken  to  subdue  are  his 
most  striking  peculiarities.  Commissioners  Hum- 
phreys and  Carpenter  were  unprepared  to  act  upon 
these  energetic  resolutions,  and  had  themselves 
nothing  to  propose.  There  is  no  special  significance 
in  the  contrast  between  them  and  their  aggressive 
colleague;  if  all  capable  men  were  Footes  this 
world  would  be  too  lively  to  live  in.  There  is  time 
enough  for  Messrs.  Humphreys  and  Carpenter  to 
exhibit  their  zeal  if  they  have  it.  In  the  mean- 
time they  may  profitably  remember  that  they  do 
not  as  yet  enjoy  the  full  confidence  of  the  people, 
and  reflect  that  the  unusual  promptitude  of  their 
colleague  is  likely  to  be  popularly  interpreted  and 
approved  as  a  challenge  to  show  their  hands. 

Governor  Stooeman's  message  ought  to  dispel 
the  apprehensions  of  people  who  have  been  led  by 
disgruntled  newspapers  to  believe  that  he  was  cap- 
tured by  the  Railroad.  He  earnestly  recommends 
that  the  hands  of  the  Board  of  Equalization  be 
strengthened  in  order  that  it  may  circumvent  the 
conspiracies  which  Stanford  &  Co.  are  daily  hatch- 
ing to  escape  taxation  and  plunder  the  people.  He 
distinctly  pledges  his  administration  to  the  use  of 
all  its  constitutional  powers,  and  all  its  influence  for 
the  support  of  the  Railroad  Commission  in  com- 
posing the  quarrel  between  the  transportation  com- 
panies and  the  people  of  the  State  in  a  way  satis- 
factory to  the  latter.  That  this  pledge  will  be 
faithfully  kept,  Governor  Stoneman's  j  ust  and 
manly  course  as  a  member  of  the  old  Board  is  the 
best  evidence  that  could  be  adduced.  If  the  Legis- 
lature stands  by  Stoneman  as  he  stands  by  the 
people,  the  tide  of  dishonest  dollars  has  reached 
high  water  mark  on  Nob  Hill. 


Equally  creditable  to  the  new  Governor  is  his 
demand  for  repeal  of  the  odious  Sunday  laws. 
There  is  no  money  in  that  matter :  the  pious  per- 
sons concerned  for  the  conservation  of  religion  by 
sinful  means  have  no  "  sack."  Even  the  holy  man 
who  edits  the  Argonaut  will  not  put  up  a  cent  to 
secure  the  triumph  of  his  stern  conviction  that  it  is 
wrong  to  get  shivering  drunk  on  the  Christian  Sab- 
bath. When  he  and  Deacon  Stanford  procured  the 
insertion  of  their  heavenly  views  in  the  Republican 
platform,  they  rightly  felt  that  their  work  was  ac- 
complished and  left  the  result  with  God— who  fell 
down.  Without  a  "sack"  the  truly  good  can 
hardly  hope  to  .make  head  against  the  awful  irre- 
ligion  of  a  Legislature  wickedly  Democratic. 


On  retiring  from  the  office  of  Governor  a  few 
days  ago,  Mr.  Perkins  observed  the  harmless  cus- 
tom of  issuing  a  valedictory  message  showing  what 
a  good  boy  he  had  been.  It  is  considerably  longer 
than  his  successor's  message,  and  is,  on  the  whole, 
pervaded  with  a  more  truly  religious  spirit,  as  was 
to  have  been  expected  from  a  man  of  such  des- 
perate piety  and  distinguished  humility.  The  fol- 
lowing passage  is  one  of  the  finest  things  that 
Sacramento  has  inherited  from  Bethlehem: 

"I  congratulate  you  on  the  auspicious  opening  of  the 
New  Year.  Success  has  attended  every  vocation  and  pur- 
suit of  our  fellow-citizens.  The  fertility  of  our  soil  has 
yielded  an  abundant  harvest;  our  orchards  and  vineyards 
have  amply  rewarded  the  labor  expended  on  them;  our 
mines  show  no  diminution  of  their  proceeds  ;  our  mechan- 
ical industries  are  increasing,  and  their  activity  is  the  best 
indication  of  their  thrift." 

The  complacent  satisfaction  that  Mr.  Perkins 
evidently  feels  in  the  contemplation  of  these  va- 
rious results  of  his  administration  is  almost  worthy 
to  be  compared  with  that  of  King  George  III,  of 
blessed  memory,  who  once  explained  to  his  reverent 
courtiers  that  he  prided  himself  upon  nothing  so 
much  as  the  abundance  of  the  last  year's  harvest. 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


People  who  call  on  Mr.  Frank  .lames  at  the  jail 
in  Independence,  Missouri,  are  required  to  send  in 
their  cards.  Any  one  whom  the  distinguished  mur- 
derei  does  not  care  t>>  receive  is  informed  by  the 
turnkey  that  "  Mr.  James  is  not  in." 


Since  the  introduction  of  oleomargarine,  the 
man  who  boards  at  a  hotel  or  restaurant  takes  his 
butter,  as  the  English  are  said  to  take  their  pleas- 
ures—sadly. 


The  Bulletin's  Sacramento  correspondent  says 
that  when  Governor  Stoneman  heard  that  Mr.  La 
Rue  had  been  chosen  for  Speaker  of  the  Assembly 
lie  "  shook  with  joy." 

The  Governor  sat  wearily 

Beside  his  office  table 
Determining  who'd  better  lie 

Appointed  to  each  vacancy, 
As  fa.st  as  he  was  able. 

The  names  of  applicants  lay  there 

( >n  cards  of  his  provision  ; 
Three  hundred  bushels,  written  fair 
.  And  stocked  about  the  room  with  care, 

Awaited  his  decision. 

Two  names  before  him,  one  to  right 

And  one  to  left,  were  laid  for 
Mis  choice— two  men  who'd  made  a  fight 
For  one  snug  berth,  which  many  a  night 

They'd  lain  awake  and  prayed  for. 

His  Excellency  raised  his  hand — 
Their  claims  would  soon  be  favored 

With  just  adjudication  and 

Their  fate  irrevocably  planned, 
But  still  the  balance  wavered. 

Then  hove  a  nigger  page  in  view, 

As  black  as  any  sun-Spot, 
And  cried  :  "  Dey's  'lected  Mars'  La  Rue  !  " 
The  Gov'nor  shook  with  joy — and  threw 

Three  deuces  and  a  one-spot. 


gently  conducted  by  the  warm  spot  on  the  leather 
cushion  of  his  predecessor  ;  when  we  reflect  that 
these  instances  are  not  exceptional  but  typical,  I  Bay 
that  it  is  impossible  for  any  observer  whose  eyes 
are  not  servitors  of  his  prejudicies  to  draw  any 
other  conclusion  than  that  our  political  activity  is 
mainly  directed  to  the  bestowal  of  high  preferment 
upon  rascals  and  dunces.  Reform  is  apparently 
impossible,  but  shall  we  therefore  gripe  our  noses 
and  avert  our  eyes  ?  Not  I,  for  one.  When  I  see 
an  idiot  in  high  station  I  will  add  such  terrors  to 
his  elevation  as  I  can.  I  will  put  as  many  thorns 
in  his  crown  as  the  leisure  that  I  can  snatch  from 
the  pressure  of  other  pleasures  will  permit  me  to 
weave  in ;  and  neither  the  deprecation  of  his 
friends  nor  his  own  re'  tory  lies  shall  stop  the 
good  work. 


one  whose  stentorian  lungs  will  persuade  the  dis- 
tant porker  worse  than  a  fog  horn.  To  persons  to 
whom  stem  fate  has  denied  a  type-writer  our  Sec- 
retary will  supply  a  long-felt  want.  He  will  be 
given  away  and  the  rest  of  our  stock  thrown  in. 
Terms,  credit  and  the  rest  in  trade.         * 


In  another  column  is  described  a  method  of  dis- 
tinguishing oleomargarine  from  butter  :  a  bit  of 
the  suspected  substance  is  to  be  laid  upon  the  un- 
believer's tongue  and  suffered  to  melt.  That  is 
good  enough  for  people  who  have  lost  all  their 
money  in  mining  stocks  or  been  disappointed  in 
love,  but  those  to  whom  life  is  still  bright  and 
beautiful  would  be  grateful  for  a  less  perilous  test 
For  the  atufl*  might  be  oleomargarine. 


Major  General  Samuel  Backus  feelingly  com- 
plains that  certain  evil-spirited  persons  have  dis- 
seminated slanders  about  the  Board  of  Directors  of 
the  Veterans'  Home  Association.  That  is  so  ; 
they  have  even  gone  to  the  length  of  affirming  that 
Mr.  Backus  belongs  to  it ;  whereas  it  is  well 
known  that  he  belongs  to  Mr.  W.  W.  Stow. 

By  the  way,  I  learn  that  Mr..  Backus  has  been 
accusing  various  persons  of  "inspiring"  this  pa- 
per's "attacks"  on  him.  He  needs  not  worry 
himself  about  any  question  of  identity  ;  the  "  at- 
tacks" were  all  inspired  and  made  by  me.-  As  to 
the  matter  of  "  provocation "  (about  which  his 
friends  appear  unduly  concerned)  it  is  cheerfully 
confessed  that  I  have  none  of  a  personal  nature 
that  can  be  urged  in  justification,  never  having  had 
the  advantage  of  the  man's  acquaintance.  My  ob- 
jection to  him  is  that  he  is  imprudent  in  climbing 
so  high  upon  the  tree  of  political  distinction  as  to 
accentuate  his  superior  fitness  to  view  the  world 
from  a  sitting  standpoint.  In  connection  with  the 
subject  of  motive,  it  is  perhaps  barely  worth  men- 
tioning that  Mr.  Backus  is  not  a  good  Postmaster. 


It  is  nothing  that  a  fool  may,  and  sometimes 
does,  creditably  administer  a  high  office  :  "  the 
law  hath  yet  another  hold  "  on  him  in  that  he  is  a 
fool.  His  crime  is  his  preferment  over  men  of 
brains,  and  to  his  prosecution  on  that  indictment 
every  self  respecting  journalist  should  set  his  hand. 
Let  it  be  understood  that  private  rascals  officially 
honest  and  trusted  dunces  accidentally  capable  will 
get  no  quarter  here  ;  their  plea  of  duty  well  per- 
formed will  be  conceded  and  disregarded.  That 
the  people  are  content  with  their  management 
is  a  matter  apart ;  it  will  not  placate.  The  brain- 
less official  may  urge  that  if  he  has  done  his  duty 
he  can  be  attacked  only  through  envy.  I  cheer- 
fully admit  that  in  my  case  this  is  true  :  I  envy 
him  his  superb  and  tranquil  unconsciousness  of  the 
fact  that  men  are  responsible  for  not  only  for  what 
they  do  but  for  what  they  are. 

Concerning  retaliatory  lies,  by  the  way,  I  have 
the  honor  to  suggest  to  Mr.  Feinberg,  the  agent  of 
the  oleomargarine  company,  that  he  be  content 
with  humbler  achievements  in  their  invention  and 
public  dissemination.  He  has  been  openly  reaffirm- 
ing the  falsehood  noted  on  the  oppotite  page, 
namely  that  the  "attacks"  of  this  paper  on  his 
unrighteous  business  were  made  in  revenge  for  his 
refusal  to  give  us  an  advertisement.  They  were 
made  in  deference  to  my  desire  to  make  them.  It 
follows,  therefore,  that  whatever  may  be  the  scope 
of  it  hereafter,  the  controversy  between  the  oleo- 
margarine company  and  the  Wasp  newspaper  is 
narrowed  to  the  question  whether  I  am  a  black- 
mailer or  Mr.  Feinberg  is  a  liar.  It  looks  to  me  as 
if  the  latter  proposition  must  be  held  true  unless 
Mr.  Feinberg  have  the  sagacity  to  involve  it  in  a 
cloud  of  doubt  by  affirming  it  himself. 


Among  the  pictures  whose  loss  by  fire  was  re- 
cently telegraphed  from  New  York  were  "  two 
companion  pieces  representing  California  fish  and 
fruit."  In  our  gratitude  for  the  great  gain  to  art 
by  the  destruction  of  these  twin  evils,  let  us  man- 
fully strive  to  forget  the  incalculable  loss  it  has  sus- 
tained by  the  escape  of  the  artist. 


I  hold  that  under  our  political  system  it  is  very 
rarely  that  a  man  of  brains,  honor  and  good  man- 
ners gets  into  public  life.  In  most  instances  the 
man  who  holds  an  office  is  a  rogue,  a  vulgarian  or 
an  ignoramus  ;  commonly  he  is  all  three.  When 
we  see  our  State  represented  in  the  national  Sen- 
ate by  such  dullards  as  Farley,  and  in  the  House 
by  such  hoodlums  as  Budd  ;  when  such  headless 
nobodies  as  Perkins  are  pitchforked  into  the  office 
of  Governor,  John  McCorab  thrust  into  a  State 
prison  as  Warden  and  Sam.  Backus  shoved  into  the 
Postoffice,  which  would   have    been   more  intelli- 


The  Republican  newspapers  of  Paris  are  deriv- 
ing an  infantde  atisfaction  from  drawing  parallels 
between  the  characters  of  Leon  Gambetta  and 
"  Georges  Ouashington. "  The  similarity  is  cer- 
tainly very  marked  in  the  manner  of  their  death  : 
each  fell  a  martyr  to  his  admiration  of  the  ladies. 
Gambetta  was  directly,  and  no  doubt  righteously, 
shot  by  his  best  girl,  and  Monsieur  Ouashington 
took  a  fatal  cold  by  getting  up  thinly  clad  in  the 
shank  of  the  morning  to  speed  a  parting  guest  who 
happened  to  be  the  wife  of  his  overseer. 


The  Pacific  Stock  Exchange  Board  being  about 
to  retire  from  business  on  account  of  sickness  in  the 
family,  offers  for  sale  all  its  plant,  fixtures,  appur- 
tenances and  goodwill.  Among  these  will  be  found 
a  large  and  complete  assortment  of  broken  hopes, 
suitable  for  jilted  lovers  and  defeated  candidates. 
The  attention  of  debating  societies  and  political 
meetings  is  respectfully  called  to  our  magnificent 
President,  one  of  the  best  ever  offered  in  this  mar- 
ket. As  he  is  slightly  damaged  he  may  be  had  at 
a  bargain.     Hog  ranchers  will  find  in  our  Caller 


'  Dear  as  remembered  kisses  after  death," 

Sings  Tenn37son,  and,  certcs,  I'm  concurring  ; 
But  those  from  lips  still  warm  with  life  and  breath 
Are  surely  worth  preferring. 

Yet  there  are  kisses  dearer  far  than  these  : 
If  you  achieve  them  not,  then  woe  betide  you. 

I  mean  the  ones,  good  reader,  if  you  please, 
That  sternly  are  denied  you. 

O  stingy  damosel,  you  can't  exhaust 

Your  store  of  lasses — won't  you  give  me  any  ? 

If  in  the  giving  half  their  value's  lost, 
Then  give  me  twice  as  many. 

Ambrose  Biebce. 


A    SHAMELESS    BUSINESS. 


When  some  hapless  devil  of  a  woman  like  Carrie 
Baldwin  has  shot  some  disagreeable  blackguard 
like  "Lucky"  of  the  same  ilk,  and  is  suddenly 
shut  up  in  a  cell  for  the  misdeed,  she  is  straightway 
besieged  by  newspaper  reporters,  who  in  pursuit  of 
a  sordid  end  ply  her  with  all  manner  of  ungentle- 
manly  questions.  The  wretched  creature  is  of 
course  in  a  condition  of  hysterical  excitement  and 
moist  sentimentality,  and  has  a  desperate  desire 
to  talk.  In  ten  minutes  her  tongue  has  got  the 
better  of  her  and  she  has  given  herself  dead 
away— has  committed  herself  and  prejudiced  her 
case  by  a  hundred  statements  that  a  brief  season 
of  solitude  and  reflection  would  have  prevented 
her  from  making.  Down  it  all  goes  in  black  and 
white,  and  when  she  afterwards  comes  into  court 
she  is  condemned  out  of  her  own  mouth  and  hasn't 
the  dim  and  insubstantial  spook  of  a  chance  at  acquit- 
tal. Some  of  the  questions  with  which  the  Chronicles 
reporter  plied  Carrie  Baldwin  were  simply  shock- 
ing in  their  brutal  indecency,  and  is  is  hardly  to 
be  wondered  at  that,  as  he  triumphantly  says,  she 
"blushed  and  gave  evasive  answers."  It  is  not  a 
fair  shake,  by  any  manner  of  means.  The  dirty 
business  of  interviewing  female— or,  for  that  mat- 
ter, male — prisoners  red-handed  from  their  crime 
is  the  meanest  md  most  unmanly  development  of 
the  reporter's  horrible  art,  and  any  prison-official 
permitting  it  ondit  to  be  discharged  forthwith  for 
the  betterment  01  his  efficiency. 


The  Record-Union  is  quite  indignant  that  a  dog- 
pit  should  have  been  set  up  in  Sacramento  for  the 
amusement  of  the  legislators.  It  says  it  will 
"brutalize  them."  This  is  a  reflection  upon  the 
honest  dog  who  fights  for  the  pure  love  of  it,  and 
whose  allowance  of  bones  is  not  affected  by  the 
result  of  the  encounter.  His  unworthy  imitator, 
the  man,  does  not  bruise  his  fellow  pugilist  because 
he  has  any  sensual  gratification  in  the  pursuit. 
His  motives  are  sordid.  He  tights  for  money.  The 
dog  simply  obeys  his  natural  instincts,  and  chews 
the  other  dog  with  keen  delight.  Brutality  is  an- 
other name  for  squeamishness,  and  we  believe  the 
Record-Union  man  would  be  the  last  to  turn  away 
from  a  reserved  seat  in  Con.  Mooney's  pit. 


THE    WASP 


OLEOMARGARINE. 


What  It  Is 


Why. 


If  the  chemically  compounded,  highly  manipu- 
lated article,  which  is  known  to  the  trade  as  artifi- 
cial butter,  under  the  name  of  oleomargine,  is  really 
so  very  difficult  to  distinguish  from  the  genuine 
butter,  how  much  more  difficult  would  it  be  to  dis- 
tinguish between  one  kind  of  fat  and  another  ;  be- 
tween one  kind  of  suet  and  another,  when  each 
kind  is  in  a  presentable  condition  ?  When  the  en- 
terprising manufacturers  of  that  spurious  butter 
invite  the  public  to  inspect  their  works  and  exam- 
ine the  sort  of  stock  which  they  use  for  the  pro- 
duction of  oleomargarine  they  are  not  too  bold  in 
doing  so,  for  it  would  take  a  phenomenal  expert  to 
be  able  to  tell  the  fat  of  a  goat  from  that  of  a  dog, 
or  the  suet  of  beef  from  that  of  a  horse. 

If  the  poundkeeper  were  to  be  induced,  he  might 
take  extra  pains  in  preparing  and  cleaning  the  fat 
of  such  animals  as  come  under  his  "treatment." 
It  would  then  be  extremely  difficult  to  find  wit- 
nesses who  could  positively  and  truthfully  swear 
what  sort  of  fat  or  suet  filled  the  vats  of  the  oleo- 
margarine factory. 

And  after  the  fat  is  rendered  and  one  uniform 
mass  of  grease  fills  their  kettle,  there  is  not  a 
chemist  in  the  world  who  could  analyze  and  classify 
the  different  particles  and  report  the  proportion  of 
horse,  dog,  goat  or  beef.  There  is  but  one  way  of 
ascertaining  the  truth,  and  that  is  to  investigate 
the  sources  of  their  supplies.  We  are  credibly  in- 
formed that  the  soap- fat-men.  that  class  of  peo- 
ple who  infest  the  areas,  and  bargain  soap  for 
soup-skimmings  and  table-scraps,  are  the  people 
who  furnish  a  very  large  amount  of  fat  from  which 
the  bogus  butter  is  manufactured.  The  enter- 
prising sons  of  the  land  of  song  and  maccaroni, 
who  act  as  chief  engineers  of  swill-carts  could, 
"  an  they  would,"  disclose  some  of  the  ingredients 
of  which  that  latest  triumph  of  chemistry  con- 
sists. But  the  chief  source  of  raw  material  is  the 
slaughter-house.  Let  anyone  who  is  not  over- 
fastidious  and  who  is  blessed  with  an  unrevoltable 
stomach  walk  through  the  shambles  of  South  San 
Francisco  and  smell  the  odors  of  blood  and  entrails 
and  drying  hides  and  putrid  offal,  and  watch  the 
thrifty  flies  how  they  care  for  their  offspring,  and 
see  the  slimy  ooze  as  it  filters  and  seeps  in  greenish 
black  streaks  along  the  sandy  beach.  Let  him  then 
enter  where  the  entrails  are  stripped  of  every  bit 
of  fat  which  encases  the  repulsive  membrane  and 
see  what  sort  of  care  is  excersised  in  keeping  it 
free  from  the  pollution  of  the  contents  of  the  en- 
trails. Let  him  then  follow  the  course  of  the  fat 
until  it  appears  as  oleomargarine  upon  the  table, 
and  it  would  be  safe  to  lay  long  odds  that  oleomar- 
garine will  remain  untasted  by  him  forever. 

The  object  of  this  article  is  not  to  "attack"  a 
legitimate  industry,  but  to  prevent  the  consumer 
from  being  deceived  by  a  spurious  compound  under 
the  guise  of  butter.  There  should  and  will  be  a 
law  enacted  which  shall  regulate  the  sale  and  con- 
sumption of  oleomargarine  ;  it  is  the  duty  of  our 
Legislature  to  frame  such  a  law  that  will  make  it 
impossible  to  offer  for  sale  or  serve  for  consump- 
tion an  article  which  is  alleged  to  take  the  place  of 
butter,  without  the  purchaser's  or  consumer's  full 
knowledge,  free  will  and  consent.  Every  retail- 
grocer  or  dispenser  of  the  article,  every  hotel- 
keeper  or  eating-house  caterer  who  supplies  oleo- 
margarine instead  of  dairy-butter  should  be 
compelled  to  announce  that  circumstance  without 
the  possibility  of  evasion,  so  that  no  one  partaking 
of  that  compound  shall  do  so  under  the  mistaken 
impression  that  "dairy  butter5'  is  served.  It  is 
not  enough  that  the  jobber  or  wholesale-grocer  s^ll 
oleomargarine  as  such,  but  the  people  who  sell  or 
serve  such  compound  should,  under  heavy  penalties 
for  evasions,  be  compelled  by  law  to  acquaint  the 
people  who  buy  at  retail,  or  before  whom  the  same 
is  set  for  table-use,  that  they  are  expected  to  eat 
oleomargarine. 

Butter  is  more  of  a  luxury  than  a  necessity;  a 
very  large  proportion  of  civilized  people  use  no 
butter.  In  the  South  American  States,  in  Mexico, 
in  Japan  and  in  China  butter  is  not  used;  and 
even  the  French  and  Italians  use  it  but  sparingly 
at  table.  In  the  United  States  butter  is  used  in 
larger  quantities  in  proportion  to  the  population 
than  anywhere  else  in  the  world  ;  it  is  one  of  the 
signs  of  affluence.  Therefore,  it  is  in  the  United 
States  that  the  invention  of  oleomargarine  found 
its  most  important  suppoi't.  The  sixteen  factories 
erected  within  our  borders  here  in  the  past  year 
manufactured  and  disposed  of  2,500,000  pounds  of 


that  article.  The  business  is  a  profitable  one  and 
in  many  respects  a  legitimate  industry.  The 
method  of  treating  fat  for  the  purpose  of  making 
oleomargarine  is  to  collect  animal  fat  (and  we 
affirm  that  any  kind  of  animal  fat,  from  that  of  a 
dog  or  a  cat  to  that  of  a  horse  or  a  human  being, 
is  equally  suitable  for  the  purpose),  which  is  chop- 
ped fine,  so  as  to  free  it  from  its  cells  as  much  as 
possible;  then  ';  tried,"  or  rendered,  and  becomes 
tallow.  The  tallow  is  then  subjected  to  high  pres- 
sure and  becomes  oil.  The  oil  is  then  churned 
with  about  twenty  per  cent,  of  milk  and  five  per 
cent,  of  salt,  and  that  is  run  out  through  ice  and 
becomes  oleomargarine.  The  company  which  was 
organized  in  San  Francisco  for  that  purpose  issued 
10,000  shares  of  stock  at  a  nominal  value  of  $100 
per  share,  the  actual  value  being  .$50.  Two  of  the 
largest  tallow  firms  were  induced  to  acquire  a  con- 
siderable interest  to  allay  their  competition  for  raw 
material. 

The  capacity  of  the  works  at  present  is  limited 
only  by  the  supply  of  tallow  ;  and  it  is  calculated 
that  4,000  pounds  per  day  would  be  about  their 
production.  This  would  supply  32,000  consumers 
at  an  average  of  two  ounces  per  day.  Is  it  to  be 
supposed  that  there  are  that  many  people  here  who 
would,  knowingly,  consume  that  amount  of  oleo- 
margarine ?  Or  is  it  not  more  reasonable  to  assume 
that  the  bakers,  the  cotfee  saloons,  the  restaurants, 
the  eating-houses  and  the  hotels  dispose  of  it  to 
their  customers  under  the  guise  and  pretense  of 
dairy  butter  ? 

There  is  but  one  way  to  distinguish  the  spurious 
from  the  genuine  butter,  and  that  is  by  taking  a 
lump  of  the  article  upon  the  tongue  and  letting  it 
dissolve.  If  it  be  genuine  dairy-butter  the  after- 
taste will  be  of  a  milky,  nutty  character,  with  a 
particularly  agreeable  flavor;  if  oleomargarine,  it 
will  at  first  seem  like  butter,  but  the  after-taste 
will  be  unmistakeably  tallowy.  Used  for  cooking 
purposes  it  is  indistinguishable  when  once  heated 
with  other  condiments.  Therefore,  those  who  use 
it  should,  in  cooking,  as  a  matter  of  simple  fair 
dealing,  acquaint  the  consumer  with  that  circum- 
stance ;  just  the  same  as  the  restaurateur  who  sets 
out  a  joint  of  horse-meat  should  not  pretend  it  is 
beef ;  or  the  one  who  would  dare  to  broil  a  fat 
should  not  impose  it  upon  the  customer  as 
rabbit.  There  is  no  objection  to  any  use  of  oleo- 
margarine as  a  substitute  for  butter,  whether  it  be 
prompted  by  preference  or  economy ;  but  no  one 
paying  for  one  thing  should  get  another. 


WORSES     BY    BYSSHE. 


Oh  !  the  bore,  the  bore,  the  talkative  bore, 

Who  tells  you  the  stories  you've  heard  before  ! 

Who  seizes  your  button  and  never  let's  go 

'Till  he  henrs  what  you  think  of  our  wonderful  snow  ! 

He  says 'tis  "  unparelled,  marvelous,  grand, 
Unknown  to  the  oldest  inhabitant,  and 
Miraculous,  mystical,  really  phenomenal  " — 
'Till  you  feel  that  a  kick  in  his  region  abdominal. 
Or  anywhere  else  that  will  shorten  his  breath 
Is  all  that  can  save  you  from  premature  death! 


A  saucy  young  damsel  named  Pearl 
Was  gone  on  a  red-headed  chearl. 
He  could  pour  down  bad  liquor 
And  swagger  and  sniquor, 
Which  captures  many  a  gearl  ! 


A  gentleman  in  a  fit  of  despondency,  or  eccen- 
tricity, or  both,  chose  to  write  his  epitaph  in  bad 
doggerel  and  put  it  on  the  tombstone  he  had  pur- 
chased to  decorate  the  spot  which  is  to  receive  his 
remains.  This  was  purely  his  own  business;  but 
now  about  every  ten  years  some  newspaper  reporter 
wanders  through  that  graveyard,  copies  and  pub- 
lishes this  worthy  person's  vile  veises,  and  intro- 
duces the  matter  with  a  brief  biography  of  the 
author.  The  lines  tell  of  the  gentleman's  for- 
tunate experience  in  traveling  over  the  first  rail- 
roads, and  sending  dispatches  over  the  first  tele- 
graph lines.  His  determination  to  read  his  epi- 
taph before  he  died  is  fully  gratified,  but  he  might 
have  had  some  respect  for  the  public,  who  look  for 
this  sort  of  literature  in  the  obituary  columns  only, 
and  very  properly  feel  defrauded  when  it  stares 
at  them  in  the  space  that  should  be  devoted  to  more 
interesting  topics.  The  next  time  the  epitaph  is 
published,  it  will  be  in  order  for  somebody  to  hurry 
up  the  corpse. 


|g\        LOST       4pfe-^ 
MANHOOD  \gpS>  RESTORED. 

DR.  L  I  E  B  I  G  ,  400  Geary  Street,  CONTINUES 
to  t-ett  siiLce=sf  ully  every  furni  uf  Chrouic  or  Special  Dis- 
ease 'without  mercury  minerals  or  utnseous  drugs.  DR. 
LIJi'BlG'S  INVIO  RATOR  is  the  rmly  positive  and  perma- 
nent cure  fur  nervous  and  physical  d  bility  loss  of  manhood, 
weatn^us  :md  all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  yature.  exces- 
ses and  youlhful  foUies  One  thousand  dollars  vi'l  be  for- 
feited for  any  cuseof  ■weakness  or  special  disease  th  t  the  Di  c- 
tor  underthk"s  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  fullowcd 
The  reason  that  thousinds  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
aft'r  tryins;  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
lorrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR  LIEHIG'9 
I  VIGOR  i  TO  It,  So.  2,  is  a  specific  for  p  ostatorrhoa.  Price 
of  either  (nvigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bntt!e3  $10.  Sent  to 
ai.y  pait  of  th«  country.  (Jail  or  address  DR.  LIEB1G  &  CO  , 
No.  400  Geary  strfet,  corner  of  Mason  s'reet,  San  FranciRCO. 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  eovr 


•This  Engraving  represents  the  Lungs  in  o,  healthy  state. 

By  US  fail  lit  ill  nSC   CONSUMPTION  HAS  RVA:\  I'l'lEEO 

when  oilier  lU'iiieilirs  :in<l  Physicians  have 
I'iiiU'il  to  effect  a  cure. 

Wm.  C.  Diggins,  Merchant  of  Bowling  Green,  Va., 
writes  April  4,  1881,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  has  cured  his  mother  of  consumption,  after 
the  physicians  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He  says 
others  knowing  her  case  have  taken  the  Balsam  and  been 
cured  ;  he  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a  trial. 

Wm.  A.  Graham  &  Co.,  Wholesale  Druggists,  Zanes- 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  of  Mathtas  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bronchitis 
in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung  Balsam 
cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others  of  Bronchitis. 

Voluntary  Editorial  from  the  Dubuque  "  Herald." 

Allen's  Lung  Balsam  is  a  popular  remedy  in  Dubuque 
and  the  surrounding  country.  The  druggists  whom  we 
have  interviewed  in  regard  to  the  sale  of  different  reme- 
dies for  Lung  Diseases,  all  speak  in  high  terms  of  Allen's 
Lung  Balsam,  not  only  as  having  the  largest  sale  but  of 
giving  entire  satisfaction  wherever  it  is  used.  In  relation 
to  its  excellent  curative  properties  we  can  speak  from  ex- 
perience, having  used  it  in  our  family  for  a  long  time. 

FOR     SALE     BY    ALL     MEDICINE     DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDDINGTON  &  CO.,  San  Francisco,  California, 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.   J.    MACK  &  CO., 


KIDNEY-WORTt 


HE  QfiEAT  CURE 


RHEUMATISM 

As  it  is  for   all  the  painful  diseases    of  the 
KiDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS, 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poii™~ 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms   of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED, 
PRICE,  $1.  LIQUID  OR  DRY,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 
it-  Dry  can  be  sent  by  mail. 

WELLS,  RICHARDSON  &  Co.,  Burlington  Vt. 


KI-BINJEYi-WQFM 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

a  certain  cure  for  NKRVOUS  DEBILITY, 
3ST  JI  iNHOOD,  and  all  the  evil  effects  of 
uihful  follies  and  ex-esses. 

DR.  DJMIK,  who  is  a  regular  phyoblan, 
nduate  cf  Hie  University  of  Pennsylvania, 
illafree  to  rorroit  Five  Hundred  Dollars  Tor 
:ascofthekind  the  VITAL  RESTORATIVE 
oocr  his  special  advice  and  treataif-',)  will 
it  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  the 
larlity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  COMF1- 
;stuliy,  by  A.  E.  11INTIE,  M.  D.,  No.  II 
;ornv  Street,  S.  P.     Send  for  pamphlet. 

SA  TITLE  BOTTLE  FREE  will  be  sect  to 

ie  applying  by  letter,  staling  symptoms, 

;<■£  and  ate    Strict  secrecy  in  ''11  transactions. 


THE     WASP. 


JOKES     FROM     THE     FRENCH. 


An  eminent  lawyer  undertakes  the  defense  of  a 
miserable  and  dejected-looking  man  accused  of 
stealing  a  coat. 

He  cross-examines  the  prosecuting  witness  and 
involves  him  in  numerous  contradictions,  tears  in 
pieces  the  flimsy  sophistries  *>f  the  opposing  coun- 
sel, and  winds  up  with  such  an  eloquent  peroration 
that  the  jury  bring  in  a  verdict  of  "Not  guilty" 
without  leaving  the  box,  amid  a  perfect  Wiggins 
tornado  of  applause. 

The  rehabilitated  prisoner  casts  himself  into  the 
arms  of  his  defender,  bursts  into  tears,  and  sobs  : 

•■  My  preserver  !     My  preserver  I'' 

•'That's  all  right,  my  good  fellow,'  says  the  ad- 
vocate, pattii  g  him  on  the  shoulder  ;  "  your  inno- 
cence has  been  attested  by  a  jury  of  your  peers, 
and  henceforth  you  can  walk  abroad  holding  your 
head  high  in  the  consciousness  of  your  integrity." 

"And  can  I  wear  the  coat  now  f 

A  young  blood  who  is  about  to  enterinto  the 
holy  estate  of  matrimony  goes  to  seek  the  advice 
of  an  old  friend,  his  family  doctor. 

"The  girl,  you  see,'r  says  the  young  man,  with 
engaging  frankness,  "  hasn't  got  any  tin  now,  but 
she  has  a  rich  uncle  with  heart  disease  that  " — 

"  I  don't  know  about  that,"  says  the  doctor,  re- 
flectively, "a  man  with  heart  disease  is  apt  to 
live  much  longer  than  " — 

"  But  it  is  a  serious  case.  Only  this  morning 
they  called  in  your  eminent  colleague,  Dr.  X — ." 

"  Then  if  they  have,  marry  her,  sir  ;  you  haven't 
a  minute  to  lose  !  " 


"  Look  here,"  said  the  Governor  to  a  high  State 
official,"  "when  are  you  going  to  pay  me  that 
310  >  " 

"  Upon  my  honor,  Governor,  I  don't  know." 

"  Why,  sir,  the  other  day  when  I  mentioned  the 
fact  of  your  indebtedness  you  asked  me  where  I 
would  be  Tuesday  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Well,  wasn't  that  a  promise  that  you  would 
pay  me  Tuesday  V 

"  No,  sir." 

"  Why,  then,  did  you  want  to  know  where  I 
would  be  Tuesday  ?" 

"  I  wanted  to  know  where  you'd  be  so  I 
could  make  arangements  to  be  somewhere  else." 


A  wealthy  stock  broker  passing  along  the  street 
surprises  a  ten-year-old  urchin  with  his  hand  in 
the  stockbroker's  pocket  attempting  to  perforin 
the  handkerchief  trick. 

"\ou  young  scoundrel!"  he  exclaims,  with 
severity,  "are  you  not  ashamed  of  yourself  to 
steal — at  your  age  ?  " 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebeubaiini,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaura,  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Keddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &.  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

*  Dr.  S.  B.  Brittan  says  :  "As  a  rule  physicians  do 
not,  by  their  professional  methods  build  up'the  female 
constitution,  while  they  seldom  cure  the  diseases  to  which 
it  is  always  liable  in  our  variable  climate  and  under  our 
imperfect  civilization.  Special  remedies  are  often  required 
to  restore  organic  harmony  and  strengthen  the  enfebled 
powers  of  womanhood  ;  and  for  most  of  these  we  are  in- 
debted to  persons  outside  of  the  medical  profession. 
Among  the  very  best  of  these  remedies  I  assign  a  promi- 
nent place  to  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Com- 
pound." 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 
The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1881 
59,182  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
TX  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1882.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

Ask  for  "Brook's''  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it,  Glace* 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton"  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

DENTISTRY. 
C.  0.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


Little  Jack  Horner  sat  in  the  corner,  eating  con- 
centrated lye  ;  his  mother  came  in— he  had 
emptied  the  tin.  They'll  meet  in  the  sweet  bye- 
and-bye. 

An  <>il  City  lady,  who,  upon  going  into  the 
kitcken,  found  the  cook  nearly  scalded  to  death, 
remarked  :  ' '  Well  done,  thou  good  and  faithful 
servant." 


i%*  "  Men  are  but  sorry  witnesses  in  their  own  cause." 
The  praise  of  Kidney-  \Vort  comes  from  the  mouths  of 
those  who  have  been  made  strung  and  healthy  by  it. 
Listen:  "It  is  curing  everybody,"  writes  a  druggist. 
"  Kidney- Wort  is  the  most  popular  medicine  we  sell.  It 
should  be  by  right,  for  no  otlier  medicine  has  such  specific 
action  on  the  liver,  bowels  and  kidneys. 

,t-  Make  your  old  things  look  like  new  by  using  the 
Diamond  Dyes,  and  you  will  be  happy.  Any  of  the  fash- 
ionable colors  for  10  cents. 


Not  a  drink,  not  sold  in  bar-rooms,  but  a  reliable  non- 
alcoholic tonic  medicine,  useful  at  all  times  and  in  all  sea- 
sons, is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


(Juiigh,  Loss  of  Voice*  hnipj.nl  Consumption,  ami  a 
Throat  and  Lung  Troubles* 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
Eor  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOB,    THE 

California     Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    XO     OTIIEK.        Price,    50    Cents. 

J.  R.  G-ATES  &  Co..  Druggists,  Frop'rs. 

41?  Sansooic  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  s.  r. 


LYDIA 


PINKHAM'S 


VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

A  Snre  Cure  for   all  FE.IIAIVE   WEAK- 
NESSES,   Including   Leocorrlicca,    Ir- 
regular and  Painful  Menstruation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
tlie  Womb,   Flooding,  PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  &c0 
tSTFIeasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  immediate 
in  its  effect.    It  is  a  great  help  in  pregnancy,  and  re- 
lieves pain  during  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
Pin'SICIAXS  TSE  IT  ASD  prescribe  it  freely. 
£^~Foe,  all  "Weaknesses  o£  the  generative  organs 
of  either  sex,  it  Is  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  ever 
been  before  the  public ;  and  for  all  diseases  of  the 
Kidneys  it  is  the  Greatest  Remedy  in  the  World. 
^""KIDNEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LYDIA  E.  PINKHAM'S  BLOOD  PURIFIER. 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  l'rom  the 
Blood,  at  the  eame  time  -will  give  tone  and  t-trength  to 
thesystem.    As  marvellous  in  resultsasthe  Compound. 

ISrBoth  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  "Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass, 
Price  of  either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  The  Compound 
is  sent  by  mail  in  the  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  SI  per  D°s  for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkbam 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3  cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  this  Paper. 

fr^-LTMA  E.  Ptneham'-;  Liver  Pills  cure  Constipa- 
tion, Eiliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  Liver.    25  cents. 
£S"Sold  by  all  Dru agists. *^ft        ('0 


A   Skin    of    Beauty    is   a   Joy    Forever. 
DR.    T.    FELIX    GOURAUD'S 

Oriental  Cream,  or  Magical  Beautifier, 

pURIFIES  as  WELL   As 

-1-        BEAUTIFIES     TLIE     SKIN, 

Removes  Tan,  Pimples, 
Freckles,  Moth-Patches, 
and  every  blemish  on  beau- 
ty, and  defies  detection.  It 
has  stood  the  test  of  thirty 
years,  and  is  so  harmless 
we  taste  it  to  be  sure  the 
preparation  is  properly 
made.  Accept  no  counter- 
feit of  similar  name.  The 
distinguished  Dr.  L.  A. 
Sayre,  said  to  a  lady  of  the 
haut  ton  (a  patient).  As 
you  ladies  will  use  cream,  I 
recommend  '  Gouraud's 
Cream  '  as  the  most  harm- 
less of  all  the  Skin  preparations."  One  bottle  will  last  six  months, 
using  it'  every  day.  Also,  Poudre  Subtile  removes  superfluous 
hair  without  injury  to  the  skin. 

MME.  M.  E.  T.  GOURAUtt,  Sole  Prop.,  4S  Bond  St.,  New  York. 
For  sale  by  all  Druggists  and  Fancy  Goods  Dealers  throughout  the 
United  States,  Canada  and  Europe.  eow 


50W5'» 


BEFORE -AND -AFTER 

Electric  Appliances  are  sent  on  30  Days'  Trials 

TO  MEN  ONLY,  YOUNG  OR  OLD, 

WHO  are  sufferine;  from  Nervous  Debility, 
Lost  Vitality,  Lack  of  Nerve  Force  and 
Vigor,  Wasting  Weaknesses,  and  oil  those  diseases 
of  a  Personal  Nature  resulting:  from  Abuses  and 
Other  Causes.  Speedy  relief  and  complete  resto- 
ration of  Health, Vigor,  and  Manhood  Guaranteed. 
The  grandest  discovery  of  the  Nineteenth  Centura 
a-  'ii.  f.-il-.i  i  !'■>-■  (:>r  Illustrated  Pamphlet  tree.    Address 

VOLTAIC  BELT  CO.,  MAKSHALLJWICH, 


AKE    HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


House   Decorating  Done  in  the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  "Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market   Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok   COLOR. 


SCIENCE"       AND       R 


h 


<* 


■^ 


RECONCILED      AT      LAST. 


10 


THE     WASP 


One  of  the  penalties  of  greatness  is  to  be  misrepresented. 
Henry  Clay  was  charged  with  being  a  gambler  and  Dan- 
iel Webster  with  having  an  excessive  appetite  for  good 
brandy. 

And  that  was  misrepresentation  !  Why,  you  lit- 
erary unfortunate,  it  was  in  those  things  that  they 
were  great  !  They  were  great  statesmen  only  in 
the  indirect  and  roundabout  way  that  Mr.  Picker- 
ing is  a  great  editor — that  is  to  say,  a  great  sinner 
who  happens  to  be  an  editor.  One  of  the  penalties 
of  greatness  is  to  have  your  fame  built  on  the 
wrong  foundation,  while  the  massive,  cyclopean 
substructure  upon  which  it  ought  to  rest  is  given 
over  to  the  usurping  weed  and  the  sun-soaken  lizard 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS 


One  of  Dan  O'Connell's  heroes,  to  wit,  a  pawn- 
broker of  the  Hebrew  persuasion,  advertises,  in  the 
JPost,  "  a  beautiful  stem-winding  lady's  watch  "  at 
a  bargain.  For  shame  to  speak  thus  of  a  lady. 
Wonder  if  he  had  a  handsome  muzzle-loading  gen- 
tleman's shotgun  also  ?  Grammatically  and  or- 
thographically  considered,  the  Sheeny  may  be  de- 
ficient, but  for  turning  the  nimble  penny  he  is  en- 
titled to  the  biscuit.  In  this  connection  'twas 
said  of  Baron  Rothschild  that  he  evinced  a  pref- 
erence for  mutton  over  venison  thus  :  "  I  like  vot 
ish  sheap  better  than  vot  ish  dear,"  leaving  his 
hearers  in  doubt  whether  the  liking  was  econom- 
ical or  gastronomical.       


TRUE 

Temperance 

Is  not  signing  a  pledge 
or  taking  a  solemn  oath  that 
cannot  be  kept,  because  of 
the  non-removal  of  the  cause 
— liquor.  The  way  to  make 
a  man  temperate  is  to  kill 
the  desire  for  those  dreadful 
artificial  stimulants  that  car- 
ry so  many  bright  intellects 
to  premature  graves,  and 
desolation,  strife  and  un- 
happiness  into  so  many 
families. 


Itisafact!  Brown'sIron 
Bitters,  a  true  non-alcohol- 
ic tonic,  made  in  Baltimore, 
Md.,by  the  Brown  Chemical 
Company,  who  are  old  drug- 
gists and  in   every  particu- 
lar reliable,  will,  by  remov- 
ing the  craving  appetite  of 
the  drunkard,  and  by  curing 
the  nervousness,  weakness, 
and  general  ill  health  result- 
ing from   intemperance,  do 
more  to  promote  temperance, 
in  the  strictest  sense   then 
any  other  means  now  known- 
It  is  a  well  authenticated 
fact  that   many  medicines, 
especially '  bitters/  are  noth- 
ing but  cheap  whiskey  vilely 
concocted  for  use  in  local 
option  countries.     Such  is 
not  the  case  with  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.     It  is  a  medi- 
cine, a  cure  for  weakness 
and  decay  in  the  nervous, 
muscular,  and  digestive  or- 
gans of  the  body,  produc- 
ing good,  rich  blood,  health 
and  strength.    Try  one  bot- 
tle.    Price  gi.oo. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  ilSFThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 

BRUCE  HOUSE,  101S  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.     P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.     Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  §5.     Board,  per  week,  S4. 
Meals,  25  cents.     &$T  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  oh 

hand. 


OLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  £3T  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST- AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless. .  ^"Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Euchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  E.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  &W  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cube  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 


GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
83?  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


GW.  CHESLEY,  51  FRONT  STREET,  SACRA- 
mento,  Cal.,  importer  and  wholesale  liquor  dealer, 
'  sole  agents  for  the  genuine  Rock  and  Rye,  Maple 
Rum  and  the  famous  Cundurango  Bitters. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
1  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  AST  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  Jstreet  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 


LK.  HAMMER,  S20  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
*  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on. hand. 
SSg"  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer   of   Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     itSTA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1S50.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  83T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
§6  to  §12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  81  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
■  J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Oilman,  proprietor.  £5TThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  -  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price" — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

WM;    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour"— the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


*   VON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
JA      completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
;'  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a.  peculiar   kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     its?  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  §5  to  $6.  Per  day,  SI  to  §1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £3f  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels,  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,-.,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  ffST  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION. ;  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Ibon  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNIDN  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May,  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

C.   SHAW.    PLOW  WORKS.     DEALER   IN 

Agricultural    Implements,     Randolph     Headers, 

•     Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 

Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.     Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 

El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.    224  Main  street, 
'     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 

ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
^aw.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  PATENT  and  Copyright  Law.  itST  Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 

TOCKTON    SAVINGS  AND    LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid   up    capital,   §500,000.      Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.     Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.     Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.     Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.     L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  &TTHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 

ILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.     It  is  just  the  thing 

for  chopp'ed  bauds.     For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 

in  fancy  goods. 


DIVIDEND   NOTICE. 

THE  GERMAN  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
For  the  half  yfar  ending  December  31st,  1882,  the  Board 
of  Directors  of  The  German  Savings  and  Loan  -Son  i:  iv 
has  declared  a  dividend  on  Term  Deposits  at 'the  rate  of 
four  and  thirty-two  one-hundredths  (4  o2-100)  per  cent, 
per  annum,  and  on  Ordinal  Deposits  at  the  rate  of  three 
and  six-tenths  (3  6-100)  per  cent,  per  annum,  free  from 
Federal  Taxes,  and  payable  on  and  after  the  2d  day  of 
January,  1883.     By  order. 

GEO.     LETTE,  Secretary. 


DIVIDEND    NOTICE.. 

SAN  FRANCISCO  SAVINGS  UNION, 
532  California  street,  cor.  Webb. 
For  the  half  year  ending  31st  December,  1882,  a  divi- 
dend has  been  declared  at  the  rate  of  four  and  thirty-two 
one-hundredths  (4  32-100)  per  cent,  per  annum  on  Term 
Deposits,  and  three  and  sixty  one-hundredths  (3  60-100) 
per  cent,  per  annum  on  Ordinary  Deposits,  free  of  Fed- 
eral Tax,  payable  on  and  after  Wednesday,  17th  January, 
1SS3.  LOVELL  WHITE,  Cashier. 


THE    WASP. 


11 


MORE     OF    THE    TREATY. 


It  were  beat  tu  understand  our  attitude  towards 
the  Hawaiian  Islands.  No  amount  of  maligning 
or  uf  slander  can  drown  the  truth  that  the 
Hawaiian  reciprocity  baa  brought  more  trade  and 
profit  to  San  Francisco  than  any  other  treaty  ever 
did  before  or  since.  Statistics  of  unquestion- 
able authenticity  prove  this  beyond  a  doubt.  Prior 
to  1876,  the  number  of  ships  which  were  an- 
nually cleared  from  this  port  for  the  Hawaiian 
Islands  was  19  ;  already  in  1878  the  number  rose 
to  112.  The  past  year  nearly  *200  clearances  for 
the  same  destination  prove  the  growth  of  our 
trade.  Clearances  of  lumber-craft  from  other 
ports  will  add  no  less  than  forty  more.  There  iano 
port  south,  east  or  west  of  San  Francisco  that  com- 
pares with  Honolulu  in  importance,  and  even  Port- 
land, Oregon,  with  its  regular  steamship  line,  does 
not  exceed  this.  The  profit  accruing  from  this 
connection  can  be  only  approximated,  because  our 
data  embrace  merely  the  value  of  exports  without 
taking  iuto  consideration  the  expenditures  neces- 
sary for  forwarding,  freight,  teaming,  insurance, 
fitting  and  provisioning  vessels,  coal,  repairs,  wages 
and  a  hundred  other  items  which  inure  to  our  ben- 
efit, and  are  directly  attributable  to  the  existence 
of  that  treaty.  The  clas3  of  goods  exported  to  the 
Islands  has  steadily  increased  in  quantity  and  im- 
proved in  quality  with  the  ratio  of  growing  pros- 
perity of  the  Islanders,  until  to-day  the  best  class 
of  fabrics,  the  higher  grades  of  manufactured 
goods,  and  many  articles  of  comfort  and  luxury 
form  a  large  portion  of  the  export  trade.  By  vir- 
tue of  the  peculiar  adaptability  of  the  soil  of  the 
Islands  for  the  raising  of  sugar-cane,  all  other 
crops  there  have  become  quite  insignificant,  and  it 
is  California  upon  which  the  Hawaiians  depend  for 
their  supply  of  breadstuff's  and  feed.  Even  cattle, 
hogs  and  horses  are  regularly  exported  from  here, 
and  visiting  Honolulu  an  American  can  see  but 
little  that  strikes  him  as  foreign.  The  houses, 
great  numbers  of  the  people,  the  shops,  the  ways 
of  business,  all  are  of  the  American  type.  Tele- 
phones connect  every  important  place  and  planta- 
tion ;  American  newspapers  make  their  daily  ap- 
pearance ;  conveyances  of  American  manufacture 
traverse  the  roads  and  highways  ;  American  rail- 
roads steam  across  the  Islands,  and  above  all, 
American  ships,  under  American  flags,  lie  at  the 
Hawaiian  moorings.  If  all  this  seems  an  inade- 
quate return  for  the  paltry,  and  for  the  most  part 
fictitious,  sacrifice  of  a  few  millions  of  revenue, 
(fictitious  because  if  it  were  not  for  the  reciprocity 
the  Hawaiian  Islands  would  have  no  trouble  to  find 
as  good  a  market  for  their  sugar  elsewhere)  then 
let  the  facts  be  considered  that  the  population  of 
the  Islands  consists  of  nearly  one-third  loyal  Amer- 
ican citizens,  and  that  they  constitute  the  most 
important  and  wealthiest  part  of  that  colony ;  that 
it  is  American  thrift  and  American  enterprise 
which  builded  this  magnificent  trade,  so  that  its 
very  prosperity  is  now  used  as  an  argument  against 
the  renewal.  If  every  acre  of  the  sugar-lands  of 
the  United  States  were  under  cultivation,  that 
would  be  insufficient  to  supply  one-half  the  sugar 
demand  of  fifty  millions  of  people.  Our  popula- 
tion is  rapidly  increasing,  and  we  must  either  ex- 
pect larger  importations  of  sugar  or  else  annex 
sugar-lands.  Reciprocity  treaties  are  compromise 
measures  in  this  connection,  and  it  should  be  the 
policy  of  our  government  rather  to  extend  such 
treaties  to  other  nations  than  to  discuss  the  possi- 
bility of  an  abrogation  of  existing  ones. 

There  need  be  no  anxiety  that  the  Sandwich 
Island  sugar  will  ever  come  into  such  competition 
with  our  own  sugar  produce  as  to  make  the  latter 
unprofitable.  For,  in  the  first  place,  the  price  of 
Island  sugar  is  entirely  regulated  by  Manilla  quota- 
tions ;  and  secondly,  the  Islands  have  nearly 
reached  their  maximum  of  production.  *The 
planter  at  Hawaii  naturally  prefers  to  selT  his 
produce  as  near  to  his  own  door  as  possible,  in 
order  to  obviate  risks  and  to  expedite  returns. 
There  is  but  one  port  which  has  representative 
buyers  at  the  Islands,  and  that  is  San  Francisco. 
These  sugar  buyers  allow  the  Hawaiian  planters  for 
their  sugar  Manilla  rates,  2J,  cents  rebate  of  duty 
added  ;  for  if  San  Francisco  were  buying  sugar  at 
Manilla,  it  would  have  to  pay  that  much  duty,  and 
since  under  the  treaty  Hawaiian  sugar  is  free,  the 
amount  of  the  duty  goes  to  the  benefit  of  the 
planter.  Under  this  system  of  encouragement, 
nearly  every  available  acre,  nearly  every  odd  patch 
of  soil  at  the  Hawaiian  Islands  has  been  brought 
into  requisition,  and  there  is  at  present  little  sugar 
land  to  be  found  there  which  is  not  in  cultivation. 


Indeed,  it  is  the  opinion  of  some  experts  that  the 
maximum  production  has  actually  been  reached, 
and  that  henceforth  it  will  be  gradually  diminish- 
ing, until  it  reaches  some  settled  average.  Already 
the  soil  shows  signs  of  exhaustion,  and  fertilizers 
are  in  good  demand  at  the  Islands.  The  coming 
crops  will  be  grown  from  rattoons,  the  growth  from 
the  seed  proving  ton  exhaustive  for  the  soil. 

To  the  impartial  there  is  nothing  in  all  this 
which  can  be  construed  as  a  monopoly. 

The  islanders,  though  well  treated  by  our  buyers, 
would  not  object  to  Eastern  or  any  other  refiners 
bidding  for  their  crops.  San  Francisco  would  be 
glad  to  have  one  or  more  additional  refineries  upon 
this  coast ;  the  grocers  would  certainly  encourage 
any  enterprise  in  that  direction.  Why  this  per- 
petual peevish  cry  of  monopoly  X  Can  it  be  possi- 
ble that  our  little  prosperity  has  caused  this  fretful 
jealousy  among  the  sister  States?  Provincial  as 
we  are,  we  are  more  generous.  We  are  not  jealous 
of  New  York,  or  Boston,  or  Chicago  because  of 
their  superior  advantages.  We  try  in  our  small 
way  to  improve  our  opportunities,  and  are  glad  if 
others  improve  theirs.  Is  it  possible  that  some 
stray  number  of  a  villifying  newspaper  has  reached 
the  East,  and  is  it  possible  that  there  they  give 
attention  to  what  the  Chronicle  says  ?  Californians 
are  foolishly  prone  to  boast  of  their  superiority 
over  others.  If  they  ever  get  to  be  foolish  enough 
to  boast  of  such  things  as  the  vilest  slanderer,  or 
the  most  unscrupulous  liar,  or  the  most  mercenary 
newspaper  in  the  world,  they  will  be  likely  to 
bring  the  Chronicle  into  notice,  and  demand  that 
its  proud  pre-eminence  be  conceded. 


PARAGRAPHS. 


Life  is  full  of  troubles,  but  none  of  them  bring 
so  keen  an  anguish  to  a  diffident  fat  man's  bosom 
as  when  he  enters  a  street  car,  steadies  himself 
carefully  until  he  thinks  the  motion  is  restored, 
and  then,  when  he  is  preparing  to  sit  down,  a  final 
jerk  of  the  cable  deposits  him  in  the  lap  of  some 
lady  passenger.  Her  glaring  ferocity,  the  other 
passengers'  merriment  and  his  own  consciousness 
of  being  a  base  wretch,  make  the  cold  shudders  run 
over  him  for  a  month  afterwards,  whenever  he 
thinks  of  his  dreadful  conduct. 


How  many  great  men  have  passed  away  during 
the  year  gone  by  !  Thurlow  Weed,  Longfellow, 
Trollope,  Emerson — all  gone  to  that  undiscovered 
country  from  whose  bourne,  etc. — and  they  say 
the  man  who  writes  the  poetical  advertisements  for 
the  Chronicle  isn't  feeling  at  all  well. 


A  tenderfoot  in  search  of  work  was  employed  by 
a  barkeeper  to  wait  on  his  lunch-counter,  and  on 
one  oocasion  was  called  upon  to  relieve  his  employer 
during  a  temporary  absence  of  the  latter.  Upon 
his  return  the  substitute  informed  him  that  Jim  son 
(a  noted  beat)  had  just  "  treated  the  house."  "Did 
he  pay  V  anxiously  inquired  the  proprietor.  "No, 
sir.  He  said  he'd  pay  you  next  week,  and  as  he 
went  out  he  made  a  remark  about  'his  mind.'  I 
guess  he  meant  he'd  bear  it  in  mind." 


Professor  of  Law:  "Now,  Mr.  Latehours,  will 
you  please  follow  up  Mr.  Brown'  definition  of  an 
attachment,  by  telling  the  class  what  may  be  the 
object  of  an  attachment?" 

Mr.  L.,  who  was  out  last  night ;  "  I  should  say 
a  fellow's  girl,  sir." 

Uproar  in  the  class.  Bysshe, 


The  departure  of  the  Princess  Louise  from  Cali- 
fornia was  precipitated  by  the  officiousness  of  the 
Call's  correspondent,  who  followed  her  to  Santa 
Barbara,  so  that  the  fashionables  of  Natoma  and 
Clementina  streets  might  be  kept  an  fait  as  to  how 
she  ate,  talked  and  conversed,  and  whether  her 
husband  and  herself  were  prone  to  those  brawls 
this  distinguish  matrimonial  life  in  a  less  exalted 
sphere.  The  good  lady  had  no  means  of  re- 
senting this  persecution  that  placed  a  gaping  oaf 
at  her  elbow  to  whip  out  his  note-book  every  time 
she  opened  her  mouth,  and  therefore  fled  to  Texas 
for  relief.  There  is  really  more  courtesy  in  the 
ordinary  cowboy  than  in  hundreds  of  the  sucking 
journalists  that  constitute  the  staffs  of  the  dailies. 
There  are  some  sensible  men  in  the  profession,  but 
theirs  is  office  work.  The  raw,  green,  cheeky 
youths  are  selected  to  give  strangers  a  favorable 
impression  of  Pacific  Coast  journalism. 


YE    FUNN1E    MAN    HIS     WRITYNGES, 
Ye  Theefe   His   Sheeres. 


A  gentleman  was  talking  to  the  owner  of  a  ferocious 
bull-dog,  and  askt'd  him  the  question,  "  Do  you  think 
your  dog  would  be  fond  of  a  stranger  ?  "  '*  res,"  replied 
the  dog  fancier,  "  if  he  was  raw,  but  he  wouldn't  if  the 
stranger  was  cooked." 

Woman  is  never  safe  ;  new  perils  are  daily  encountered 
by  her.  A  Chicago  woman  lias  been  seriously  injured  by 
falling  through  the  lap  of  a  bow-legged  man.  Only  $50,- 
000  damages  will  heal  her  wounds. 


An  exchange  says  "  the  way  to  treat  a  boy  is  to  get  hold 
of  his  heart "  ;  but  the  old  reliable  method  of  getting  hold 
of  the  boy's  callar  is  not  likely  to  give  place  to  any  new- 
fangled theories. 

The  following  paragraph  shows  how  a  writer  of  true 
genius  can  get  the  whole  truth  into  a  single  sentence  : 

A  medical  student  while  in  the  dissecting  room  filled  up 
his  pockets  with  a  lot  of  ears,  and  fingers,  and  toes,  and 
such,  and  then  loafed  around  to  the  butcher's  shop  and 
slyly  scattered  them  about  in  odd  corners  near  the  sausage 
machine,  and  customers  comiug  in  saw  them  and  were  hor- 
rified, and  demanded  explanations,  which  the  wretched 
butcher  could  not  give,  and  the  story  of  the  scandal  spread, 
and  the  whole  neighborhood  became  aroused,  and  the 
butcher  had  to  escape  across  roofs  to  avoid  being  lynched, 
and  will  never  return  to  the  city,  unless  brought  back  by 
officers  to  answer  a  frightful  charge  of  murdering  men  for 
sausage-meat. 

A  boy  he  would  a-skating  go,  although  his  mother  said 
him  no.  They  fished  him  out  of  the  ice  and  snow,  and  the 
coroner  whistled  and  sang,  "  Oh,  ho  !  " 


The  following  reads  as  if  it  were  intended  for  an  alle- 
gory setting  forth  the  fact  that  Californians  are  turning 
from  mining  to  horticulture,  and  why  : 

A  man  was  putting  a  blast  in  a  quartz  ledge  adjoining 
his  orchard  and  it  went  off  prematurely  and  blew  him 
into  an  apple-tree  about  fifty  feet  away.  In  a  moment  he 
recovered  himself,  and  remarking,  "The  Lord  knows  bet- 
ter than  I  do,  after  all ;  I  guess  it's  about  time  to  go  prun- 
ing," took  a  large  pruning  knife  from  his  pocket  and  set 
to  work. 


One   St.  Louis  paper  wickedly  accuses  another  of  hav- 
ing printed  the  Ten  Commandments  as  original  matter. 


First  young  lady — "I  could  sit  here  forever."  Second 
ditto — "  And  I  till  lunch  time." 

It  was  downright  mean  in  the  Philadelphia  JYcws  to  s&y 
that  "  those  who  have  seen  Mrs.  Langtry  play  'Rosa- 
lind '  are  of  the  opinion  that  unless  she  borrows  somebody 
else's  stockings  to  hang  up  on  Christmas  night  she  will 
get  badly  left." 


"  God   Bless   our   Boarding  House  "    has   never  been 
worked  in  worsted. 


When  a  man  tells  a  story  he  thinks  is  funny,  and  the 
crowd  does  not  catch  on,  his  face  falls,  naturally.  It  is 
affected  by  the  force  of  gravity. 


If  you  judge  of  Brown's  character  by  the  broken  um- 
brella he  carries,  you  will  form  a  poor  opinion  of  Smith, 
for  it  is  Smith's  umbrella. 


"  Who's  that  frizzly,  black-haired  woman,  talking  to 
my  husband  on  the  ottoman  ?  "  "  She's  a  Mrs.  Cardo- 
gan."  "Indeed  !  She's  good  at  flattering  people,  I  should 
say,  and  knows  how  to  lay  it  on  pretty  thick."  "Ah  . 
you  infer  that,  no  doubt,  from  her  attitude  and  expres- 
sion."   "  Oh,  dear,  no  !  from  my  husband's." 


"  Gin  ruins  genius,"  says  an  exchange.    Yes,  but  genius 
ruins  a  good  deal  of  gin,  so  it's  about  a  stand-off. 


It  has  been  remarked  that  the  man  who  says,  "I  should 
smile,"  generally  manages  to  do  so  at  another  man's  ex- 
pense. 


A  member  of  the  school  board  said  in  his  remarks  : 
"  Well,  children,  you  spell  well  and  you  read  well,  but 
you  hain't  sot  still." 


Is  it  true  that  kissing  is  a  cure  for  freckles  ?— Edith. 

We  should  not  think  so,  but  at  the  same  time  a  simple 
little  recipe  like  this  is  worth  trying.  Call  after  business 
hours. 


12 


THE     WASP. 


B.      B. 

Pajaio,  January  8,  18S3. 
Editor  of  the  Wasp;  Last  week  I  said  some- 
thing about  oleomargarine  and  that  something  was 
printed  in  the  Wasp.  That  which  I  said  has  waked 
up  the  talking  and  writing  end  of  the  bull  butter 
machine,  and  what  the  machine  says  is  printed  in 
last  Sunday's  Chronicle.  The  oleomargarine  man 
does  not  disprove  anything  of  that  which  was 
printed  in  the  Wasp.  He  does  not  even  deny,  or 
try  to  deny,  that  commercial  tallow  is  about  what  I 
said  it  is.  But  he  says  that  in  his  (or  their)  partic- 
ular factory  only  caul  fat  is  used,  and  that  every- 
thing is  sweet  and  clean.  Well,  that  is  about  what 
I  thought  Mr.  Bull  Butter  would  say.  In  fact,  I 
strongly  intimated  that  he  would  say  that.  He 
would  like  to  say  a  good  deal  more  if  he  thought  he 
could  find  believers.  I  say  again  that  oleomarga- 
rine can  be  made  out  of  any  kind  of  fat — even 
human  fat.  For  proof  of  this  latter  statement  of 
mine  see  "U.  S.  Dispensatory,  13th  edition,  page 
582."  r  offer  this  proof  because  it  is  easy  to  be 
found  in  any  drug  store,  doctor  shop  or  good  pub- 
lic library.  It  is  good  proof,  too  ;  about  as  good 
as  can  be  got.  Bull  Butter  Wilson  in  his  speech  at 
the  Dairymens1  Convention  iu  San  Francisco,  ad- 
mitted that  b.  b.  could  be  made  out  of  any  fat. 
He  also  said  that  "fat  is  butter  and  butter  is  fat. " 
And  he  might  have  said  with  equal  truth  :  carrion 
is  meat  and  meat  is  carrion.  There  is,  however, 
some  odds  between  butter  and  fat — also,  between 
meat  and  carrion — and  this  odds,  though  small,  is 
awful — on  a  dinner  plate. 

What  is  fat  1  It  is  the  fixed  oils  of  animals  and 
things.     Some  things  have  it  and  some  have  not 

Of  what  is  fat  made  ?  It  is  made  of  oil,  grease, 
and  wax — or,  in  other  words,  olein,  margarin  and 
stearin.  Of  course  there  are  a  few  other  little 
things  in  fat,  but  these  little  things  are  not  in  issue 
at  present. 

Now,  to  make  oleomargarine  you  take  the  stearin 
out  of  the  fat  and  you  also  take  out  much  of  the 
olein,  consequently  you  have  all  the  margarin  and 
some  olein  left,  which  make  olien-and-magarin — 
or,  oleomargarine.  This  stuff  can  be  made  out  of 
any  fixed  oil.  A  "  fixed  oil  "  is  not  a  "  fixed  up  " 
oil,  but  only  an  oil  which  is  not  volatile.  Nut  oil, 
animal  oil,  bug  oil,  root  oil,  bird  oil,  human  oil, 
castor  oil,  goose  grease,  or  the  oil  of  strap,will  make 
oleomargarine  ;  but  ox  tallow  (as  I  said  before) 
makes  the  best  caricature  of  butter.  The  bull  but- 
ter man  says  that  there  is  no  such  thing  in  his 
factory  as  ox  tallow — or  rather  he  says  that  is  what 
I  "would  have  found."  Oh,  no  !  He  uses  the 
"  best  and  purest  caul  fat."  And  what  is  caul  fat  ? 
Caul  fat  is  ox  tallow  taken  from  around  the  sto- 
mach. Caul  fat  is  the  better  quality  of  entrailfat, 
and  it  is  ox-fat,  cow-fat,  bull-fat — tallow.  In  a  good 
beef-ox  or  cow,  there  is  about,  on  an  average,  six 
pounds  of  caul  fat  which  may  make  two  pounds  of 
bull  butter.  If  there  are  killed  in  and  around  San 
Francisco  400  beeves  per  day  (supposing  the  factory 
gets  all  the  caul  fat),  that  would  give  800  pounds  of 
oleomargarine  per  day,  or  a  little  over  8  boxes  of 
"butter."  But  suppose  the  trade  calls  for  16 
boxes  of  butter  per  day,  where  then  is  the  "  best 
and  purest  caul  fat"  to  come  from  \  That  "best 
and  purest"  story  is  only  a  "new  broom"  to 
sweep  away  the  surface  dirt. 

When  the  caul  fat  has  answered  its  purpose  as  a- 
decoy  duck  on  the  oleomargarine  pool,  then — 
presto,  change!  business  is  business  and  "fat  is 
butter  and  butter  is  fat" — bring  on  your  grease, 
And  do  not  forget  that  human  fat  makes  the  very 
best  quality  of  margarine — to  which  add  a  portion 
of  oil  with  a  sniff  of  cow's  milk  and  you  have  oleo- 
margarine. 

Of  course  a  "  Cow's  Attorney"  cannot  speak  very 
scientifically,  but  he  may  be  allowed  to  say  that 
real  butter,  being  the  fatty  extract  of  milk,  would 
be  cow- fat— ox- tallow — if  the  milk  had  gone  into 
the  calf  instead  of  into  the  milking  pail.  By  go- 
ing into  the  pail  the  milk  retained  its  butyric— or 
buttery — power  and  flavor,  which  would  have  been 
lost  had  the  milk  passed  into  the  tallow  condition. 
If  fact,  butter  is  grass  arrested  while  on  its  way  to 
the  calf;  but  oleomargarine  is  grass  after  it  has 
passed  into  and  through  the  calf  ;  when  its  fibre- 
making,  bone-depositing  power  has  been  used  up 
by  the  calf ;  consequently,  in  short,  butter  is  food 
and  sustenance,  while  oleomargarine  is  an  imita- 
tion of  food  from  which  the  sustenance  has  been 
extracted.  If  fat  is  butter,  it  is  butter  from  which 
the  dead  animal  has  already  extracted  the  bone 


and  meat,  leaving  only  heat  and  lubrication.  If 
butter  is  fat,  it  is  fat  plus  bone  and  meat  with  heat 
and  lubrication.     Sdbe  ? 

But  fat  is  not  butter.  Fat — ox-tallow  (caul  fat) — 
does  jiot  contain  butyrin  ;  therefore,  it  is  not  but- 
ter. Oleomargarine  made  from  ox-tallow  cantains 
mostly  margarin,  and  margarin  is  not  butyrin. 
No  amount  of  gilt-edged  twaddle,  in  the  live  daily, 
can  make  margarin  into  butyrin.  Skim  milk  can- 
not do  it,  even  though  Messrs.  Gafiey  and  Moore 
of  Santa  Cruz  should  confess  all  their  sins  to  an 
imaginary  interviewer. 

The  ostentatious  invitation  to  visit  the  b.  b.  fac- 
tory is  declined  by  the  "Attorney  for  the  Cow," 
on  the  same  grounds  that  he  would  decline  to  visit 
Dotheboy's  Hall  when  Mrs.  Squeersis  on  guard,  or 
a  county  infirmary  on  Grand  Jury  day.  The 
"A.  f.  t.  C."  is  not  very  "fly,"but  he  is  somewhat 
aged. 

Attorney  for  the  Cow. 


A     BURNINO     SHAME, 

When  I  was  first  married  my  wife  made  a  fool  of 
me.  She  was  named  Celine,  like  a  stage-heorine. 
My  library,  bequeathed  to  me  from  an  old  uncle, 
was  full  of  precious  books,  folios,  quartos,  octavos, 
in  venerable  binding.  My  friends  said,  "Happy 
man  to  have  such  fine  books  !" 

As  for  Celine,  she  found  fault  about  it  from 
morning  till  night.  I  remember  she  fainted  at  the 
aspect  of  my  Martial  with  a  commentary  variorum. 
and  of  my  Juvenal  uncut.  No  doubt  a  secret  in- 
stinct told  her  that  those  two  authors  had  more 
than  once  spoken  ill  of  her  sex.  She  insisted  that 
they  should  be  banished  from  my  library.  Instead 
of  them  I  would  find  on  my  table  at  each  hour  of 
the  day  Cicero's  De  Amicitia  and  Gentil-Bernard's 
Art  of  Love.  She  had  bad  taste,  my  Celine,  for  I 
know  nothing  more  insipid  than  Gen  til-Bernard. 
What  an  icy  lover!  The  garrulity  of  AmadU  de 
Ganla  is  a  hundred  times  more  tolerable. 

One  day  when  I  was  seriously  occupied  in  erasing 
a  comma  in  my  Virgil  (the  comma  was  by  Pen- 
nartz)  she  thought  of  a  trick  to  vex  me.  She  ap- 
proached without  my  seeing  her  and  covered  page 
27  of  my  Virgil  with  an  enormous  stain  of  ink. 

It  was  indelible  ink  ! 

I  was  petrified.  I  did  not  feel  strength  enough 
for  rage.  The  perspiration  dropped  from  my  face. 
A  mortal  chill  ran  over  me  from  head  to  foot.  My 
heart  conquered  me.  I  fell  in  a  swoon.  While  I 
uttered  deep  sighs,  Celine  made  a  hundred  contor- 
tions, a  hundred  grievances ;  she  laughed  like  a 
fool. 

When  I  came  to  myself,  a  violent  dispute  en- 
sued. .  I  reproached  her  in  terms  full  of  bitterness 
for  her  abominable  conduct.  She  on  her  part  re- 
proached me  for  my  neglect  of  her.  This  I  could 
not.  deny.      I  was  silent. 

We  quarreled  for  eight  days.  The  17th  of  Jan- 
uary arrived;  it  was  my  birthday  and  freezing 
weather.  We  had  no  fuel.  That  day  I  stayed 
away  till  midnight.  When  I  returned  a  bright  fire 
burned  in  the  room  and  Celine  waited  for  me  with 
a  book  in  her  hand.  The  fire  which  warmed  the 
chamber  appeared  to  me  a  delicate  attention  on 
her  part,  and  the  book  which  she  held  in  her  hand 
a  flattery  which  was  to  appease  me.  And  then  the 
idea  came  to  me  that  she  had  perhaps  pawned  some 
of  h«r  jewels  to  buy  the  wood.  That  made  me 
run  to  embrace  her. 

We  pardoned  t  a  m  other.  In  the  midst  of  our 
mutual  endearments  she  whispered  in  my  ear  that 
the  fire  which  warmed  us  was  made  of  Elzevirs  and 
Company.  She  mingled  with  this  information  so 
many  ingenious  flatteries,  so  many  naive  graces 
that  I  exclaimed  : 

"  You  have  done  well.  To  the  devil  with  science  ! 
We  will  think  only  of  love.  Madame  Sevigne  has 
said,  "  Science  is  a  fool." 

And  we  united  in  singing  Beranger's  refrain  : 

Let  us  warm  ourselves,  let  us  warm  ourselves  well. 

And  that  is  why  I  have  the  ears  of  an  ass. 
From  the  French.  E.  F.  D. 


Professor  Proctor,  the  astronomer,  and  learned 
professor,  makes  the  announcement  that  the  planet 
"Jupiter  is  in  the  state  our  earth  was  34-, 000, 000 
years  ago."  Persons  who  are  unable  to  remember 
that  far  back  into  the  musty  ages  of  the  past,  will 
be  surprised  to  hear  this.  But  if  Mr.  Proctor  de- 
sires to  excite  sympathy  for  Jupiter,  he  should  say 
that  it  is  in  the  same  state  this  earth  is  at  present. 
— Peck's  San. 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS. 


To  judge  by  the  reception  of  Cad,  the  Tomboy,  it  would 
seem  as  if  the  author  had  struck  the  key-note  of  success, 
though  he  has  slipped  and  slid  dangerously  close  to  the 
edge  of  offensiveness.  One  scene  in  particular,  that  of 
the  reception  of  "  Robert  Cobb,"  by  "  Mrs.  Disbrow,"  is 
apt  to  call  the  blush  of  shame  to  the  cheek  of  any  lady, 
and  could  appear  familiar  only  to  those  who  are  other 
than  ladies.  The  play,  though  filled  with  slang  and  sen- 
sations, even  to  the  introduction  of  a  full-fledged  bathing 
suit  with  a  full-fledged  girl  inside  of  it,  is  quite  entertain- 
ing and  the  different  parts  are  well  characterized  by  the 
performers.  It  abounds  with  variety  business  and  cheap 
pathos,  and  fills  an  evening,  as  a  not  very  refined  pastime, 
quite  acceptably. 

The  company  at  the  Bush  Street  Theater  has  been 
augmented  by  several  additions,  so  as  to  present  Harrigan 
and  Hart's  Squatter  Sovereignty.  This  is  certainly  one  of 
the  most  boisterous  and  thoroughly  "wild  Irish"  sketches 
which  has  ever  been  conceived.  There  is  a  cowardly  sat- 
isfaction in  seeing  real  live  dumb  brutes,  geese,  chickens, 
pigs  and  goats  suffer  as  much  as,  if  not  more  than,  their 
co-tenants,  who  only  settle  disputes  so  they  may  quarrel 
about  something  else, 

Yet,  withal,  there  is  an  untamed  humor  which  pervades 
their  very  fights,  that  makes  one  overlook  the  brutality  of 
the  proceedings,  and  causes  a  laugh  in  spite  of  one's  self. 
The  plot  of  the  sketch  and  the  different  songs  which  are 
introduced  are  familiar  to  most  readers,  and  it  need  but 
be  added  that  the  company  appear  in  that  piece  at  their 
best,  to  give  guarantee  of  an  hour  full  of  hearty  fun. 

Emerson's  Minstrels  appear  with  an  entire  change  of 
programme,  and  offer  a  new  attraction  in  the  shape  of 
very  clever  gymnastics  by  the  "  Thuzets."  Their  success 
is  unabated. 

Youth,  at  the  Grand  Opera  House,  is  played  to  ample 
and  approving  audiences,  and  may  justly  be  considered  a 
success.  The  mis  en  scene  is  capital,  the  tableaux  are 
spirited  and  the  acting  far  above  mediocre.  A  new  piece 
is  in  preparation,  entitled,  A  Free  Pardon. 

Last  Sunday's  performance  of  Odette,  by  the  German 
troupe,  was  one  of  the  most  enjoyable  of  a  very  brilliant 
season.  Those  who  were  fortunate  enough  to  attend  upon 
that  evening  cannot  easily  forget  that  excellent  perform- 
ance. All  the  parts  were  well  done,  and  that  of  "Odette" 
bordered  upon  greatness. 

The  last  Philharmonic  Concert  deserves  mention  as  one 
of  the  few  entertainments  which  aim  to  improve  and  cul- 
tivate the  public  taste.  If  the  different  numbers  were 
not  all  of  even  excellence,  or  their  rendering  not  uni- 
formly faultless,  there  is  yet  much  to  be  said  in  commen- 
dation for  people  who  take  pains  and  undergo  the  trouble 
to  sudy  such  difficult  numbers  as  Wagner's  "  Parsifal," 
and  Beethoven's  "Eroica."  Such  manifest  efforts  in  the 
right  direction  are  deserving  of  the  warmest  support  of 
the  public  and  the  generous  encouragement  of  active 
musicians. 

At  the  Tivoli  Obcrnn  is  the  progamme  and  is  well  at- 
tended. 

At  the  Winter- Garden,  Voyage  to  the  Moon,  is  soon  to 
be  replaced  by  Gilbert  and  Sullivan's  lotanlhe. 


Ragbag  thought  he  would  get  ahead  of  young  Symonds, 
so  he  went  to  Gallagher  and  said  : 

"  Gallagher,  Symonds  has  got  a  new  story,  and  I  hap- 
pen to  know  he  is  coming  right  down  here  to  tell  it  to  you. 
Now,  I'll  tell  you  the  story,  so  when  Symonds  starts  to 
tell  it,  you  c*.n  sing  '  Auld  Lang  Syne  '  at  him. "  And  he 
proceeded  to  tell  the  story,  and  had  got  about  half  through 
when  Gallagher  said  : 

"Excuse  me,  Mr.  Ragbag,  but  I  heard  that  story  a  year 
ago."  ' 

Here  is  probably  the  shortest  courtship  on  record  :  A 
miner  in  California  fell  in  love  with  a  girl  at  first  sight. 
She  was  equally  smitten  with  him,  and  the  entire  court- 
ship was  ;     "  My  pet."     "  You  bet." 


THE    DOMESTIC. 


Owing  to  the  large  demand  for  the  Domestic  Sewing 
Machines  on  this  Coast  Mr.  J.  \V.  Evans,  the  agent  for 
the  company  here,  starts  to-day  for  New  York  to  arrange 
for  the  shipment  of  several  car   loads  direct  to  this  city. 


THE     WASP. 


13 


UNPUZZUNG     A     DUTCHMAN, 


\  preacher  who  does  uot  believe  in  immer- 
sion for  baptism  was  holding  a  protracted  meet 
ing,  and  one  night  preached  on  the  subject  of 
baptism.  In  the  course  of  his  remarks;  he  said 
that  some  believe  it  necessary  to  go  down  into  the 

water,  and  eu up  out  of  it.  to  be  baptised.     Bui 

this  he  claimed  to  be  fallacy,  for  the  preposition 
"into,'  of  the  Scriptures  should  be  rendered  dif- 
ferently, as  it  does  not  mean  into  at  all  times. 
"Moses,  '  he  said,  "  we  are  told,  went  up  into  the 
mountain;  and  the  Saviour  was  taken  into  a  high 
mountain,  etc.  Now,  we  do  nut  suppose  either 
went  int"  a  mountain,  hut  unto  it.  So  with  going 
down  into  the  water  ;  it  means  simply  going  close 
by,  or  near  to,  the  water,  and  being  baptised  in  the 
ordinary  way,  by  sprinkling  or  pouring.  He  car- 
ried this  idea  out  fully,  and  in  due  season  closed 
his  discourse,  when  an  invitation  was  given  for  any 
one  so  disposed  to  rise  and  express  his  thoughts. 
Quite  a  number  of  his  brethren  arose  and  said 
they  were  glad  they  had- been  present  on  this  occa- 
sion ;  that  they  were  well  pleased  with  the  sound 
sermon  they  had  just  heard,  and  felt  their  souls 
greatly  blessed.  Finally  a  corpulent  gentleman, 
of  Teutonic  extraction,  a  stranger  to  all,  arose  and 
broke  the  silence  that   was  almost  painful,  as  fol- 

ll  l\\  s 

"  MUter  Breacher,  I  is  so  glat   I   cash  hereto- 
night,  lor  1   haf  hat  oxblained   to   my   mint  som 
dings  dot  I  nefer  could  pelief  pefore.     Oh,  I  ishso 
glad  dot  into  does  not  mean  into  at  all,  but  shust 
close  py,  or  near  to,  for  now  I  can  pelief  many  dings 
vot    I    could    not    pelief  pefore.     We    rent,    Mr. 
Breacher,  dot  Taniel  vos  cast  into  de  ten  of  lions, 
und  com  out  alife.     Now  I  neti'er  could  pelief  dot, 
for  de  wilt  peasts  would  ead  him  right  off,  but  now 
it  is  fery  clear  to  my  mint.     He  vos  shust  close  py 
or  near  to,  und  tid  not  get  into  dot  ten  at  all.     I  III, 
1  ish  so  glat  I  vash  here  to-night.     Again  we   reat 
dot   de  Heprew  chiltren  vash  cast  .into  de  tirish 
furnace,  und  dot  always  look  like  a  big  story,  too, 
for   dey   would   half  peen  purnt  up  ;  but  it  ish  all 
Main  to  my  mint  now,  for  dey  vos  shust  cast  py,  or 
close  to,  do  tirish  furnish.     Oh,  I  vash  so  glat  I  vos 
here  to-night.      Und   it  isli  set  dot  Jonah  vos  cast 
into  de  sea,  und  taken  into  de  wale's pelly.     Now, 
I  neti'er  could  pelief  dot.     It  always  seemed  to  me 
to  pe  a  pig  fish  story,  but  it  ish  all  blain  to  my  mint 
now.     He  vos  not  into  de  wale's  pelly  at   all,  but 
yusht  jumpt  onto  his  pack  und  rote  ashore.     Oh, 
I    vos    so    glat    I    vos  here  to-night.      Und  now, 
Mr.  Breacher,  it  you  will  yusht   exblain  vun  more 
passage  of  Scripture,  I  shall  be,  oh,  so  habby  dot  I 
vos  here  to-night.     Der  Biple  says  de  vicket  shall 
be  cast  into  a  lake  dot  purns  in  it  tire  und  primstone 
always.     Oh  !  Mr.  Breacher,    shall  I   pe   cast  into 
dot  lake  if  I  am  vicket,  or  yusht  close  py,  or  near 
to— yusht  near  enough  to  pe  comfortaple  ?     Oh  !  I 
hope  you  tell  me  dot  I  shall  pe  cast  only  yusht  py, 
a  goot  vays  off,  und  I  vill  pe  so  glat  I  vos  here  to- 
night." 


Comments  on  the  middle  aged  gentlemen  who 
occupy  the  orchestra  chairs  of  the  California 
Theatre  to  absorb  the  beauties  of  the  ballet,  are 
this    Season    noticeably    few.       The    reason    is    not 

that  the  middle  aged  man  has  grown  more  virtuous, 

but  that  the  ladies  of  the  ballet  are  not  lobe  gazed 
upon  with  any  sentiment  akin  to  satisfaction. 
Phey  ate  without  exception  the  homeliest  lot  of 
half-dressed  females  that  have  ever  been  permitted 

to  desecrate  the  hoards  of  a  theatre.  Still  there  Is 
something  pastoral  about  them.  Not  that  they 
suggest  the  frisking  lamb,  but  their  resemblance  to 
tiie  gambolling  cow  is  unique  and  striking. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AND  

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co 

WITH    THEIR    UN] 
;.u.|  Rail    rranaiji 


Wit  \  AWED  ROUTES  OF  RIVER 

i"in  h.ii,    ill  pactions  of  Mil.-  Pacific 


Dayti 


liiinbhi      In  1 1  ih 
it,  the   Palousc  I 


,,ii,  -..  i  inatilla,  r  ndlol  m,  Walln 
und) ,  Snake  lUver  Points,  and 


The  Stock  Report  declared  that  tin-  old  Supervis- 
ors retired  covered  with  honors,  and  deserve  thj 
highest  commendation  for  having  served  the  city 
so  faithfully.  This  is  gall  in  the  superlative  de- 
gree. They  did  not  serve  the  city  faithfully,  and 
the  public  know  it.  With  a  few  honorable  excep- 
tions, the  career  of  these  persons  was  marked  by  a 
succession  of  the  most  shameless  jobs.  Clumsy 
jobs,  too,  which  will  stand  against  them,  should 
they  ever  aspire  again  to  positions  of  trust.  But 
they  never  will.  They  burned  their  ships,  so  far  as 
public  life  is  concerned. 


Strangers  are  fond  of  comparing  this  city  to 
Paris,  and  our  people  to  the  Parisians.  We  re- 
semble the  French  in  their  vices  only,  and  of  the 
latter  we  have  what  the  shop-keepers  would  call 
an  exhaustive  variety.  French  girls  would  not  be 
seen  on  the  boulevards  without  an  escort,  nor  sup 
alone  in  their  vicked  oyster-rooms.  But  then  our 
girls  can  take  care  of  themselves  ;  so  their  mothers 
say.  But  the  destruction  of  opportunity  is,  after 
all,  the  best  safeguard  for  man  or  woman. 


ih 


1 1>  lite  IVimI  d'OrcIHc   Division    To  Ainaworth,  Chcnoy, 

iratfuc,  Spokane   Kills,  Lake   Pcnd  d'Oroille,  ami  all   points  in 
'dnhoand  Montann  ; 
Willamette  Valley    To  Oregon  City,  Salotn,  and 
ul  eountrj  ofSouthcrn  Oregon  ; 

lie  Oolinublii    Through  the  most  [>icturcsqiu   scene- 
in  and  Intermediate  Points, 
Over  l«  Fii^ei   sou  ml    To  Tacoma,  Olympla,  Seattle,  Port 
Townsend,    Victoria  and  Bclingham  Bay    asection  unriralod  tor 
its  delightful  climate  ami  charming  prospects. 

The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 


in 

[hut  !l 
j  to  Ast< 


Ihlil 

direct  U 

■  Stages  comic 
r  MK.soiila  an 

itwith  trains  mi  Clark's   Fork  Division, 
;  all  neighboring  points, 

JOHN       fVIUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 

Sati  1 

'rail Cisco  <tiii< 

e    :m  Montgomery  St. 

Mr.  Kalloch  pretends  to  be  much  offended  be- 
cause the  Metropolitan  Temple  was  used  on  Mon- 
day for  a  slogging  match.  Perhaps  he  might 
presume  it  was  a  desecration,  but  all  good  Chris- 
tians know  better.  The  big  organ  never  played  to 
a  worthier  lot  of  sinners,  and  the  platform  was 
never  occupied  by  a  more  godly  gang  than  the 
gladiators  who  pounded  one  another  for  the  amuse- 
ment and  edification  of  Monday  night's  congrega- 
tion. There  was  no  hypocrisy  about  them.  'They 
pretended  to  no  moral  excellence.  They  were 
simply  toughs,  and  they  hit  as  straight  and  hard  as 
their  skill  and  strength  would  permit.  They  were 
an  improvement  on  Kalloch,  and  the  steam  that 
arose  from  their  sweating  bodies  was  an  incense 
which  purified  every  nook  and  corner  of  that  Tem- 
ple from  the  nasty  vapors  of  hypocrisy  with  which 
it  was  befouled. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


The  newspaper  correspondents  of  Sacramento 
seem  convinced  that  their  employers  expect  them 
to  add  the  gift  of  prophecy  to  the  talent  for  fur- 
nishing a  history  of  the  proceedings  of  the  Legis- 
lature. We  are  very  tired  of  those  political  pre- 
dictions. In  nearly  every  case  they  are  but  the 
froth  of  the  bar-room,  the  gossip  of  the  tippling 
hangers-on,  dressed  up  into  a  semblance  of  proba- 
bility. 


A  man  was  exn mined  before  the  Commissioner 
of  Insanity  the  other  day,  whose  malady  was 
brought  on  by  hair  dye.  As  Mr.  Pickering  is 
spending  the  winter  in  some  remote  portion  of  .the 
Eastern  States,  we  cannot  warn  him  at  present  of 
the  fate  in  store  for  him. 


A  fair  lady  of  more  beauty  than  education  was 
trying  to  tell  the  story  of  the  engraving  of  Cor- 
nelia, mother  of  the  Gracchi,  returning  her  im- 
mortal response  to  the  be- jewelled  Roman  matron. 
"Why,  you  see  Cornelia  was  always  bragging 
about  those  two  boys,  and  a  rich  woman  came  to 
see  her  once  and  brought  all  her  diamonds  and 
things,  and  when  Cornelia  began  to  harp  on  the 
children  as  usual,  the  rich  woman  flourished  her 
solitaires  at  her  and  said:  ( These  are  my  sons  ! ' 
and  I  think  she  had  the  best  family." 


EVENING    SESSIONS. 

The  Pacific  Business  College  rooms,  320  Post  street, 
are  open  frum  7  to  9,  Monday,  Tuesday,  Wednesday  and 
Thursday  evenings  of  every  week  during  the  entire  year. 
Instructson  is  given  in  book-keeping,  penmanship,  arith- 
metic, etc.,  etc.  Young  men,  clerks,  mechanics  and  oth- 
ers, unable  to  attend  day  sessions,  will  find  it  greatly  to 
their  advantage  to  join  the  evening  classes.  A  good  bus- 
ness  education,  which  is  an  element  of  success  in  any  pur- 
suit, may  be  obtained  by  studying  evenings  only. 

Liver  diseases,  headache  and  constipation,  caused  by 
bad  digestion,  quickly  cured  by  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


620     Market     Street, 

Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


WHISKIES! 


To  the  Trade. 

We  beg  tn  call  attention  to  the  following  full  lines  of 
well-known  brands  of  Rye  and  Bourbon  : 

ItOUKBON. 

NELSON Fall  79 

MILLER.  C:  C January,  'SI 

I.KXIXI  IT(  IN Spring  '80 

REDMOND Spring'  80 

L.  VANHOOK Spring  '80 

E.  C.  BERRY,  Sour  Mash Fall  79 

.Mi  >X  AKI  'H,  Sour  -Mash Spring  '80 

WILOW  RUN Fall  '70 

it  ye. 

HOESEY Spring  79  and  '80 

NELSON Spring  79 

SHERWOOD Spring  79 

Ml  INTICELLI I Spring  '80 

MILLER Spring  'SO 

Agents  for  bonded  goods  from  several  distilleries.    Sole 
Agents  for 

Idolnlio  Wolfe's  Sclilcduin  Aromatic  Schnapps. 
Daniel  lawrcnce  and  Sou's  .Wcdiord  Hum. 

Willow  Springs  Distilling  Clo.'s  Spirits  and 
Alcohol. 
Kennedy's  East  India    Bitters. 
For  sale  to  the  trade  in  lots  to  suit. 

WM     T.    COLEMAN    &    CO., 

t ier  Market  and  Main  Streets. 

SAN  FRANCISCI ). 


Morris  &    Kennedy 

1  9   md  2  i    Fost  Street. 

Artists'  IViaterials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


S/TJC  a  week  in  your 
00  dress  II.   M.l I 


)wi]  town.     Terms  and 
&  Co.,  Portland,  Maine 


i  outtit  free.    Ad- 


Merchant    Tailors. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


WHO     KILLED     MORGAN, 


The  recent  move  to  raise  a  monument  in  memory 
of  Free  Mason  Morgan  has  called  up  anew  the 
question  :  "  Who  killed  Morgan  ?"  An  old  citizen 
of  Detroit  was  on  his  way  down  town  yesterday 
when  he  met  an  acquaintance  and  seized  the  mo- 
ment to  inquire  : 

"I  suppose  you  know  they  are  going  to  erect  a 
monument  to  Morgan  ?" 

"Oh,  yes." 

"  Very  mysterious  death  !" 

"  So  it  was." 

"  Generally  believed  that  the  Free  Masons  killed 
him  ?" 

"  Yps,  some  folks  believe  it." 

t(  Let's  see — I  think  you  are  a  Mason  yourself  ?" 

"Yes." 

"  Then  you  must  ki.ow  ?" 

"  Well,  I  suppose  I  do." 

"  Then,  sir,  I  demand  to  know  who  killed  Mor- 
gan ?" 

(<  You  don't  want  to  know  to-day,  do  you  ?" 

"Yes,  sir — right  off." 

"  The  Mason  beckoned  the  old  man  around  the 
corner,  looked  all  around  to  see  that  no  one  was 
near,  and  then  whispered  in  his  ear : 

"  You  won't  give  it  away  ?" 

"No!" 

"  On  your  solemn  word  ?" 

"No  !" 

"  Then  I'll  tell  you— I  killed  him  myself  !" 

"Sir,  you  are  an  infernal  liar!"  roared  the  old 
man.  "Yes,  sir;  you  lie,  sir,  and  I  won't  have 
anything  more  to  do  with  you." 

It  will  never  be  known  who  killed  Morgan.  If 
the  people  won't  believe  the  murderer,  how  are  the 
facts  ever  to  come  out  1 — Detroit  Free  Press. 


In  the  recent  but  now  moss-grown  holidays,  a 
small  boy  accompanied  his  mamma  to  the  sacred 
edifice  on  Christmas  day,  and  having  duly  contem- 
plated the  evergreen  symbols  in  the  chancel  where 
triangles  and  trefoils  demonstrated  the  .Trinity, 
vociferated  unquenchably,  "  Mamma,  do  they  say 
their  prayers  to  the  aces  of  spades  and  clubs  ?" 


KIDN'EY-W0RT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 


KIDNEY  DISEASES,, 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a  victim  P  THEN  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney -Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  win  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action.. 
|  £»  j«B  J  ag  For  complaints  peculiar 
BndUl  C3d  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  -will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

EitherSes.  Incontinence, retention  o.'urine, 
brick  dust  or  ropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging 
pains,  aU  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power. 
43-    SOLD  BY  ADD  DRUGGISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDMEy-^VDRT 


J.  D.  SPREGKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  2  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AGENTS    FOK.... 

iSpreckels'  line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 
No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


&5T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  ol  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $=,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.  D.   SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  bv  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.      Communications  strictly 


CALIFORNIA 

Safe  Deposit 

■   AND    

Trust  Company 

32C    MONTGOMERY    STREET, 

San  Francisco,  C'al. 

Directors: 
j.  d.  fry,  g.  l.  bradley, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT,  NICHOLAS  LUNING, 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  H.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TEVIS,  CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADSWORTH,  I.  G.  AVICKERSHAM, 

JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

J.  D.    FRY President 

C.   R.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Treasurer 

WM.   CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

DEPOSITS  RECEIVED  SIR.IECT  TO  CHECK.  IN- 
terest  allowed  on  money  deposited  for  sixty  days  or  longer. 

This  Company  will  aet  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  aet  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  eolleetiens  and  remit- 
tances, purchase  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money,  Exchange,  etc. 
Buy  and  sell  securities,  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Rent  of  safes  in  Safe  Deposit  vaults  from  $2  to  §20  per  month, 
and  from  $12  to  5200  yer  year. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


$5  to  $20 


per  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  S5   free. 
Address  STINSON  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

<|>7Q  A  WEEK.     S12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
M)i^  f  i"ee.    Address  True  &  Co. ,  Augusta,  Maiue. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Bush  Street  Theater. 

M.    B.    LEAVITT Lessee  and  Manager 

AL.    HAYMAN Assoeiate  Manager 

Every  Evening  (including  Sunday)  at  8  o'eloek.      Wednesday  and 
Saturday  Matinees  at  2  o'eloek. 

GREAT    SUCCESS  !  GREAT    SUCCESS  ! 

LEAVITT'S     ALL    STAR     SPECIALTY     COMPANY. 

DUDLEY  McADOW,  Manager. 
The  greatest  Vaudeville  Combination  in  America. 


UraiKl  Matinee  Saturday  at  2; 


Monday,  January  15. -SQUATTER'S  SOVREIGNTY. 

With  Kelly  and  Ryan,  Ferguson  and  Mack, 
Flora  Moore  and  entire  company. 

ADMISSION,        -        -        -        50c.  and  -SI  00 
Matinees — 25c.  50c.  and  75c. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

JAY    RIAL H.  F.  WEED 

Saturday,        -       -       -      January  Kilt. 

FIRST    NIGHT    OF 

CAD,     THE     TOM     BOY. 


Prices 25c    50c.    35c.    $100. 

Gala    Malincc    Saturdays.         Matinee    I'm 
35c.     50c.     75. 

835"  No  extras  whatever,  jgg 


German     Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 

SUNDAY,    -      -     -    JANUARY    14th, 

Last  appearance  but  two  of 
F  E  A  N  C  I  S  (!  A  E  L  L  M  E  Ji  It  E  I  C  II 

In  Bauernfeld's  sparkling  Comedy,  in  4  acts, 

ROMANTIC 
and 
PRACTICAL! 

Katharinavon  Rosen,  FRANCISCA  ELLMENREICH 

Reserved  Seats  every  Saturday  from  9  till  5  o'clock  at 
Sherman  &  clay's  and  Sundays  at  the  California  Theater. 

Sunday,  January  28th,  farewell  benefit  of 
ELLMENREICH. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  MaBon. 
K  he  ling  Bros Proprietors  and  Mana^ur» 


Grand  success  of  C.  M.  Von  Weber's  Spectacular 
Opera, 

o  :b  :e  :e,  o  :r>r  i 

Produced  in  the  form  of  a 
CORGI  Ol  S     HOLIDAY     SPECTACLE. 

The  handsomest  Transformation  Scene  ever  pro- 
duced in  this  city.        A  powerful  Cast. 

Next  week-LA  TRAVIATA  ! 


Winter  Garden. 

Stockton  street,  between  Post  and  Sutter. 
Stahl  &  Maack Proprietors 

Unbounded  success  of  the  Romantic,  Spectacular 
Opera, 

Voyage  to  tlie  Moon  ! 

With  its  Grand  and  Beautiful  Scenery,  Startling 
and  Elaborate  Costumes  and  a  Powerful  Cast. 


Next  production-  IOLANTHE  ! 


Grand    Opera    House. 

Chas.  L.  Andrews  and  L.  R.  Stockwell Lessees. 


Crowded  houses  at  every  performance  of  the 
eclipsing  success, 


IT     O    TT    T    Jf3I    I 


MATINEE    WEDNESDAYS    AND    SATURDAYS. 


POPULAR     PRICES  : 
15,     25,     50    and     75    cents. 

£5TBox  office  now  open.     Single  seats  sold  in  boxes. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steamers  nf  thUC'<tii)>any  will  s.u!  (<v>m  ['.r<>  i ■  1  -.\  :i_\ 

bWfaarf,  San  Pmnclsco,  for  porta  In  California,  Ore- 
.  port,  Washington   ami    Idaho  Territories,  British 
Colombia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 

<iillfornlii  SniillH-ru  COOBl  KimiIc.  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA ami  A\i'n\  Bail  ever}  Qvedaysat  9  a.  k.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angeles  and  San  Diego,  as  follows: 

ORIZABA,   lOlb,   20th   and   BOtJ ucfa   I Eh.     U4CON,  6th, 

16th  and  26th  ol  each  month.  The  Bteamer  SENATOR  sails  everj 
Wednesday  .it  s  \.  «.  (or  SanU  Cnut,  Honterej .  S  u.  Simeon,  Cay- 
ucos,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  sm  Buenaventura. 

Ki-illsh  Columbia  ami  Alaska  ltuuli'.  Steamship 
i.i  RBKA,  carrying  r,  s.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  w.  T.,  vic- 
toria, and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrange),  Sitka  and  Hanishurg. 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
So u rui  Bteamoi  leaving  San  Francisco  the  80th  of  each  month. 

Vltiurla  and  Paget  Sun  ml  Ronte.    The  Ste  imeraGE<  i.  u 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA, carrying  BerBrittaniclfajesty'sand  United 

St  a.  •  in  lii-,  Erall  if Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  -  p.  m. 

on  the  10th,  20th,  and  Until  of  eiieh  month, for  Vk-toria,  H.  C,  Port 

■i.  Seattle, Tacoma,  Steilacooni  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  witfi  ateamboats,  etc,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Ulnes,  Nniainn.,  New  Westminster,  ITole,  sTtko  and  all  other  im- 
portant point*.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.  m.  on  thu  oth,  luth  .ui-i  -'Mi  hi  ...  1 1  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mau! t)  at  II  v  H.  "0  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
5 Riote.-  When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  SOfch,  Bteamers  Bail 
ron i  San  Pram  i-'  0  OI1C  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  twoweaks,  as 
per  advertisements  In  the  San  Francisco  Am  \  or  Guide. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Route.-  The.Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one    of    The    steamships  STATK  <>F 

CALIFORNIA,    OREGON    or    COLOMBIA,  carrying  the  United 
States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co. 'a  Express,  every   Wethn  sdaa 
and  Saturday  at  io  a.  u.  for  Portland  and  Astoria,  Oregon. 
Eureka  and  Ilumlmlilt  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  or 

CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Gureka,  Areata,  Hook  ton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  A.  M, 

r«lnl  Arena  ami  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  8  P.  NT. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co..  St.  Louis,  .  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  KT.  T.,    -    "  435,000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -    *  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       .       —       .       "  141,000 
Office- 210  Sansoiiie  Street,  S.  F. 
E.  P.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BKITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STKEET,  SAN  FRAN0IS0O,  OAL. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established 1S56 

SOLE  AGENT  FOE  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel   Plate  Cushion, 

<.iiai:uiic.(i  for  Ten  Tears. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES     ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

9  4  5     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 

Prices  20  per  cent.  Lower  than  any  other  House  on 
Hie    Coast. 

B3?  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  *^fi 

CARD  COLLECTORS.      A   handsome  set  of  cards-for    3-cent 
stamp.      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y. 


2:30  !r"i 

Gates.    Tli 

4:30^ 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,     Ahunetla,    Newark,    Sao     .lose.    Los   t.alos, 
Glenwood,  l-Ylton   and   Santa  Cnu* 

PICTURESQUE  SCENEKY,  U0UMTA1K  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
Santa  Clara  Valley,  Monterey  Bay.  Forty  miles  shorter  to 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  any  other  route,  no  change  oi  cars  :  no  dust. 
Equipment  and  road  bed  Bret-class.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  B01  1  D  BIDS,  at 

8«Ofl  A-  M., daily,  West  San  Lorenzo,  WeatSan  Luandro,  Rub- 
■OU  Bells,  Ut  Edon,   Alvarado,   Halls,   Newark,  Centerville, 

Mowrys,  Al\is.>,  Aiiinnis,  Santa  Clar;i.  SAN  .toSH,  l.os  Gatos, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glenwood,  Doughertys,  Fulton,  Big  Trees 
and  SANTA  CRGZ,  arriving  12  M. 

Express:  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Newark,  Cen- 
so,  A^news,  Santa  1,'Iara,  SAX  .l«  'SIC  ati'i  Los 

ugn  tu  SANTA  MUZ  every  Saturday. 

.  (Sundays  excepted),  for  sax  josk  and  intormedi- 

(111  Sundays,  Sportamcn'tt  Train,  4:80  A.  M.    Return  train 

UH   leaves  San  .lose  at  ">:!."■  1*.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Fraueisro.  7  :'.'•'<. 
EXCURSIONS  TO   SANTA   CRUX  AND   ffv.'.r.o  Tit,  SAX 
Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

TO    OAKLAND    AMI    ALAMEDA. 
§6:30— 7:30— 8:30—  9:30— 10:30     ll:S0A.  M.     *,  1-2:30-1:30— 2:30— 
8:80— 4:30— 5:80— fl:80— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets.  Oakland — §5:57 

—§6:57—7:57     B:52— 9:52     10:52    1[U:52  A.  M.      12:52-1:5-2—2:52 

3:f.2     -1:52      ■■:;,••     w>      Iii-U    1'.  M. 

From  lli-h  street,  Alailivda— §5.-45— §6;45— 7:45— 8:35—  9:35 
—10:35— 111:35  A.  SI.  12:35  -1:35— 2:35— 3:35-4:35— 5:35— 6:35 
—10:05  P.  SI. 

§Daily,  Sundays  excepted.    *|  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  i'rom  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temeseal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraphand  Transfer  offices  223  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth   and  Webster,   Oakland;     Park    street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  Q.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Kluiwood,    Ulenwtud,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 


rjON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
^  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  eastings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Cheek  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


RUPTURE 

Relieved  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  inflict,  by 
Dr.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  bad  capes  befcre  and 
after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


3  AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT- 
These  KEYS  are  sold 
by  all  WATCHMAKERS  and  JEWELFRS  on  the  PACIFIC 
COAST.     By  Mail,  25  Cents. 

BIRCH  &  CO.   3fi  Dey  street.  New  York. 


220 

222 


BTJ£H      STREET 


22. 
22t 


oKUfORNiA_FURA//r^ 

The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles 

CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE   PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6t  )  i_>  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
riO  Francisco—  Established 
In  185-t  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
si.- 1;  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  In  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
mabe  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  PersonV~aTa"dJstance  may  be  CURED  AT  HUME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  reson able.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
Cisco.    Say  you  Baw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


(863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135. Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  P.,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of   defective  vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTIOE.^a 


Dentsehc    Ai»„<licl.,.. 


MALDONADO    PHARMACY, 
36  Geary  Street, 

EDWARD   NEUMANN, 

rillim  A4  1ST  ami   I'll  EM  1ST. 


■'iiriiiacie    Itnliaiui. 


-tihlAI   WESTERN 


GUN  WORKS,  ■ 

Pittsburgh,11 


■Itc  Tor  Laree  Illustrated  Catnloiruc.  ^^^?  j» 
{titles,  Shot  Orjnu,  Revolvers, sent  0.0,  <L  for  csttmlaatooo. 


CONSUMPTION 

worst  kind  itml  ol' liui^Hlfitullnti  lmvo  been  curcu.  ltmeeil,  no  stionjr 
is  my  faith  in  its  eilWv,  iln>>  I  will  send  two  bottles  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TKEATISK  011  ILi-  disease,  to  iiuv  snlYt-r. 
er.    eivo  Express  &  P.O.  address  DK.T.  A.  SLOCUJ1,  181  roiirl  St.,  M.Y. 


I  have  a  positive  re- 
medy for  che  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  its  use  EIiousf 
atids  ol    cases  •>(    the 


CARDS 


New  Stiles:  (Sold  Beveled  J£dge ana 
GhromoTisitiug  Cards  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  Unrest  prices,  SO 

chromes  -with  name:  10c,  a  present 

witheachorder.  Uumtom  Ueos.  &  Co.,  CllDtuiiville^onn, 


P  APHQ  SEND  FIVE  3-CENT  STAMPS  FOll  NEW  SET  OP 

UfinllOijmported  cards.     ■'"  Umbellla."    Whiting,  50  Nas- 


sau street,  N.  Y. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  $"10  iree.  Address  E.  O. 
KIDE0UT  &C0.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.r. 


iy"QUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"-- 


Round  and  Pressed 
CIGARETTES.     " 


Pure,  Mild, 
Fragrant  and  Sweet. 


.  ALLEN  &  GINTBR, 

Manufacturers,    Blchmond,    Va« 


ICOKL 1HE  rglAILOR 


POPULAR     PRICES! 


r  POPULAR    TAILOR! 


POPULAR    STYLES  ! 


Men's  and  Boys'  Men's    Furnishing     Goods, 

M    Ready-Made  Clothing.  _  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.  816  &  818  Market  Street,  Sail  Francisco. 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 


NEW 

ENGLAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  anfl  Bi-Carli.  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

ta  Bros.  Ho. 


SAN  FRANCISCO 


AN 
Extraordinary     Razor 

fXAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
J-L  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  EE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
sharing  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
Even'  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
suppiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  O.  D. 

TIic  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


siBEBi^:sr  db^ils-^im: 

CURES  Catarrh,  Astnrua,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

DEPOT.    415    MONTGOMERY    STREET.  For  Mile  by  nil  Drug 


:i«ls 


B. 


tsr  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAtTSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY    &     YUNG, 
NO.    Got    SACRAMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sax  Francisco. 


JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


ihP, 


1,J 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
I  Market       Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Dewcese,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 


JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

H.  IE.  limit, 

San  Francisco. 


Prentiss  Selby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.~  Underbill,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 


Selby    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS  OF   

Lead  Pipe,  S  <eet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Antl-Frlctlon  Tidal.  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

-      -      -      San    Francisco 


Office,   416   Montgomery   Street, 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion. 


Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE^ 


DANICHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  -*- 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

FACTORY,    119    DUPONT  STREET, 
Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


Charles  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS   &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 
BOOK   AND    JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street,  i 

Below  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


w 


HITE    ^OSE    FLOUE 

MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


SST  See  local  notice  In  another  column. 


B-QI.D       KElXTTJOKy       WHISKEY.^ 


IMIVIOIVD'S 


IIIIHDMIIIIUIHUIIIII' 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 

ask  your 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


«®"DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "W 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.  D.  SPKECLELS  &  BBO'S, 
:!'.•:    Market     Street. 

OWNERS    OP- 

Spreckels'    Line    of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


DR.  THOMAS  HALL'S 


ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  Appetizer,  giving  tone  and 
strength  to  the  stomach, ,  and  as  a  tonic  bev- 
erage it  has  no  equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia 
or  Indigestion,  Fever  and  Ague.  Biliousness 
General  Debility  and  kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results ; 
it  braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and 
destroys  that  wretched  feeling  of  enuni 
which  we  constantly  labor  under  in  this 
enervating  climate.  The  tonic  for  its  medi- 
cal qualities  excels  any  other  ever  offered 
to  the  public  having  taken  the  first 
premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento, 
Han  Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San 
Francisco  for  absolute  purity,  made  from 
pure  California  Port  Wine,  Wine  of  PepBin 
and  Elixir  Calisaya.  £ST"  For  sale  every- 
where t  hr  oughout  the  State.  Depot  at 
JAMES  H.  GATES'  Drug  store,  corner  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Fran- 
cisco. 


-    ° 

l    <U  <  o 

G  Q) 


Cd 


(D 


,m 


DC 
US    III 

TO    K 

£ 


o 
O 


a    - 


5    s 

a  3 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


o 

o 


o 
W 

> 

o 

W 

M 
W 

X/l 

o 

a 

w 
w 

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> 

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M 


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a 

g 


o 

02 

> 


CO 

en 

CD 

X/l 

CD 
CD 


^^  HARDWOOD      UMBER -- JohrL  Wismore'   *®b 

*^  i     •    *\   ■     1    t^     ¥  »     ^^    \^    L^  I—    \^     I  V  I    \-J    I—     It.  i»9    to    14J    SPEAK    STREET,    SAN    FRANCISCO.  " 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St-a^S. 


fe^H.  R.  Williar.Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Station  es, 

(226    CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Francisco. 

H.     HOESCH, 

Restaurant, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 

THE     NEVADA     BANK 


OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Capital  Paid  Up       -     .       $3,000,000 

-    4,500,000 


Reserve  1 .  s.  Bonds 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


Agency  at  New  York 6?  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 
Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

ZPIRIZtSTTI  ZLSTGr- 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at  Lowest 

Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive  prompt 

attention. 

E.  C.   HUGHES, 
511    Sansome   Street, 

Corner  Merchant.  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


IT   WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.  0.    Box,   1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  CougTs,  Colds, 
Whcopii  g  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


FIRE-  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS $1,250,000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

■S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sis. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  V-ce-President. 
Wit.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  CARPENTER.  Assistant.  Sprrptarv 


VALENTINE    11  assume.    (133  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


PianoS 


Ohic&ering  &  Sons, Boston  ;  Bluthner, Leipzig; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St, 

NEAR  MARKET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


C     F  AIG     &     KREMPLE 

8U00ESSORS     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS    J 

And    EMBALMER 

22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  Sta  e. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


J 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO. 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant  — 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,     -conces,    Candlesticks,    and 

Bouillottes. 

RARE     BRONZES,     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Capt.  A.  M.  BnrnB,  Maiine  Surveyor. 


FIRE  and 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST. 
Capital,    ;       ; 

OFFICERS 


MARINE. 

SAX  FRANCISCO. 

$300,000  00. 

C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 


Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  See'v  and  Treasurer.  Di, 
rectors— I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  Loudon, 
40G  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


"The    Baldwin.' 


This  Hotel  was  completed  and 
opened  in  May,  1877,  and  is  con- 
ducted on  the  American  Plan. 

Over  83,500,000  having  been  ex- 
pended by  Mr.  Baldwin  in  its  con- 
struction and  furnishing. 

The  Baldwin  is  the  most  ele- 
gantly appointed  Hotel  in  the 
world. 


Situated  on  Market  Street,  at 
the  intersection  of  Powell  and  Eddy 
Streets,  and  fronting  on  four  prin- 
cipal streets  in  the  business  center, 
it  is  convenient  of  access  to  and 
from  all  quarters  of  the  City. 
Eight  lines  of  Street  Cars  pass  its 
doors. 

Hotel  Coaches  and  Carriages  in 
waiting  at  all  Steamer  and  Railway 
Depots. 


The  Leading  Hotel  of  San  Francisco,  California. 


TOURISTS'        HEADQUARTERS. 


Speeial  Accommodations  for  Families  and  Large  Parlies. 


Priees  the  same  as  at  other  Firsl.elass  Hotels— $2  50  to   $5  per  flay. 


H.  H.  PEARSON,  Proprietor, 


BRUSH    HARDENBURGH,    Chief   Clerk,  I 
M.    A.    FRENCH,    CashIer.  J 


Formerly  Proprietor  of  "  The  Cosmopolitan,"  San  Francisco. 


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'A 


VOL.  X. 


SAN    FRANCISCO,  JAN.   20,  1889 


No.  338. 


For 
Breakfast 

AND 

Lunch 
Go  to  the 
Mew   England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California  St. 


HE  CELEBRATED 

AMPAGNE  WINES 

jBsra.  Dbutz  &  Ueldermakn  Av,  en  Champagne. 


CACHET    BLANC- Extra    Dry, 

In  coses  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GKEES      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

MM:  11  \    BED   AND  WHITE   MINES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     WINES, 

cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstniann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

tries  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


"Give  my  sua  a  literal  etotion," 


;H  O  E  D  E  H  E  R 

Champagne, 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from  Mr.   Loo  is  Roederer,  Reims,  over  hie  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.     Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
JU    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN, 

FRENCH     BRANDIES, 

PORT,     SHERRY,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  dnty  pnitl. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,   Room    2,     Snn    Franclseo 


BOHT 


For   Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE    BY    ALL    DRUGGISTS. 


HAMBEELAIN  &  K0BINS0N 

PROPIUETORB. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 

COLLEGE. 
ggOjgtUr, 


rSEND  FOR  CIRCULARS 


Leopold  Bro's 
ILORIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny. 
Bouquets,  Baskets, Wreathes, Crosses 


S 


J 


s 

MOAT'V 

Street. 


lotographer. 


UN  iraRY&co, 

WHOLESALE 

iUOR    MERCHANTS, 

(22  and  824  FRONT  STREET, 
FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


DOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

1 2  0     and     12  3     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

,mento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


James  Shea.         A.   Bocqueraz.         R.  McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  .InchHon   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

E.     MARTI  N     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"MILTON    J.    HARDY," 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "  MILLER'S    EXTRA " 

Old    Bourbon    Whiskies. 
408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 

S   G  ~FT   Ti  "T  T  Z  s 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECRTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


Diper  Heidsieck 

r     CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  St.,  San  Frnnclsco,  Cal. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

c.    z  1 3sr  N"  s  , 

FASHIONABLE   tailor, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  (Masonic  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Buildi  ng, 

ROOMS    6,    8    and     10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Dr.  <  II AS    IV.   DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and  Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


RICHAEDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.   W.  Corner    SANSOME  and    SACRAMENTO   streets,   San  Francisco. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonio  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  P.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


lIANOj 

I   First  Class, 
Medium  Price, 

FULL    VALUE 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY 


Hazelton  Bros 

HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 

A.  M.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 
647  ^Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


FINE  OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth's 

!Ph.ot  ograplis 

Tbe  Highest  Standard  of  Exeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  &  Go's 

(°BUDWEISER  BEER;) 

1§§&  Item  &§§s 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET, 


San  Francisco,  Cal. 


Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers' Association. 


JOHN    UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

W 


t&  Received  3  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCII'.TV  ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Best  Work- 
manship. 


MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY   YOUR    SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


CO 


09 


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L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  OO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and  Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  ban  Francisco. 

Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 

made  to  Order.     Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 


IAR    and     WESTPHALIA 


HAMS-       German 
A.  REI'SCIKE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

l»Itl"  MOKOPOEE  (extva), 

I,.  UOEDEREU  (sweet  and  dry), 
MOET  *  CHANDOJJ, 

TEIITE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE,    "WORKS. 

(Johs  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 

ijg- Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

68S  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  &  Gents'  suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
(HAS.   J.  1IOL.1IES,  Prop. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


olters  Brothers  &  Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  In 


Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F  .    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

2J  and  39  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drunrm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  fRANCISCOOTOCK  DREWERT 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW. 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WABB  ANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 

MSMif^oWMtf1^/      the  Pacific  Coast. 

5UM<J&-^RUD0LPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


4*rVH"- 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH 

(Oculist.) 


M.     D. 


FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

WHOLESALE 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  116  Market  street, 
Wos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falco^r,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  M  U  I»0\ALI>,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building-  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Boors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  225  Spear  St.,  218  to  236  Stnart  St. 

Sas  Feancisco,  Cat... 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  BINING-KOOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.   F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


)<xxmo 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F  CAL. 

8S*~None  Genuine  unless  "bearing  our  name  on  Lubel  and  Cork._£=8 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUNAN,  Proprietor.  . 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  snipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE   STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo.  ■ 
Nich.  Ashton  &■  Son's  Palt. 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

626jnpNTGQMfgIST,^ 


Drink 

BOCA 

Beer. 


The    Only 
LAGER 


L.    P.    DEGEN,    Maker    of 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED   CALIFORNIA 


CH, 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         J^mm 
son   MONTGOMEBY  St.,  San  Franelseo. 

H  .    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established       1854. 

GEO.     MORROW    &    CO., 

Ray,  Grain  and  Commission  mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS..  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OP 

IE?  J±.  U?   IE    ~El 


OF    ALL    KINDS. 


413  ami  415  Sansoine  St. 


BEER 


Brewed   on  tlie    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office: 
40C    Sacramento    Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


CALIFORNIA 

SuGAk  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Belinery,   Eighth  and  Brannan  streets. 

OLADS  SPREOKEL8 President 

J.  D.  BPRECKELS    Vice-Preident 

A.  B.  SPRECKELB Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  AB-OLFHE  LOW,  Presidedt 
Office— 308  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


.TRADE 

MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

413    MARKET    STREET,    S.    F. 


CVOL.  10. 


]J?338 


^^Kf^ANfGfl^CO,   <JAX    2CTA    1883- 


FROM  PILLAR  TO  POST 


THE     WASP 


THE    DISCOVERY    OF    GOLD, 


The  fact  was  unimpeachable,  the  times  were  very  bad, 
Stockbrokers  grew  demented,  and  jewelers  went  mad  ; 
Storekeepers  all  asserted  that  they  lived  upon  the  brink 
Of  utter,  hopeless  bankruptcy,  and  some  began  to  drink ; 
Whilst  certain  bar  proprietors  of  impious  turn  of  mind 
Made  sundry  observations  of  an  irreligious  kind, — 
Observations,  I  may  mention,  much  more  ribald  than 

refined. 

<• 
The  lawyers  all  were  busy,  as  at  such  times  lawyers  are, 
For  sin  and  crime  were  commoner  than  now  they  are, 

by  far, 
And  auction-men  industrious  were  in  selling  peoples 

sticks, 
■  And  many  Nob-hill  families  were  thrown  into  a  fix  ; 
For  over-speculation  then  in  mine,  and  share,  and  stock 
Had  almost  brought  this  'Frisco  to  what  is  called  ' '  dead 

lock," 
And  Fortune  barred  the  door  against  the  very  hardest 

knock. 

Old  Smith  might  say  to  Robinson  :  ' '  I've  lovely  bargains 
here," 

But  Robinson  would  say  to  Smith:  "Oh,  come  and 
stand  a  beer  "  ; 

Brown  might  persist  in  telling  Jones  he'd  "something 
grand  in  view," 

But  Jones  would  sigh  and  think  upon  the  bills  just  com- 
ing due. 

Yes,  things  were  very  flat  indeed ;  folks  longed  for  ' '  days 
of  old," 

When  California's  atmosphere  was  redolent  of  gold, 

And  anything  and  everything  could  be  both  bought  and 
sold. 

All  this  was  most  depressing,  and  in  melancholy  tones 
So  settled  Messrs.  Brown  and  Smith,  and  Robinson  and 

Jones, 
And  many,  many  others  too,  but  none  with  sadder  zest 
Than  Mr.  Jonas  Jenkins,  much  more  crushed  than  all 

the  rest. 
Indeed  the  times  with  him   had  been   exceptionally 

rough, 
And  fate  had  smacked  him  in  the  mouth  with  many  a 

cruel  cutf , 
His  ancestry  was  dubious,  so  about  it  he'd  nt)t  "  puff." 

Ere  Jonas's  misfortune  he'd  a  splendid  residence 
Situated  very  boldly  on  a  Nob-hill  eminence  ; 
Ere  Jonas's  misfortunes  he  was  never  known  to  mix  ; 
With  any  common  people,  and  he  always  dined  at  six  ; 
Ere  Jonas's  misfortunes  he'd^bme  massive  silver  plate, 
And  horses  fine,  and  carriages,  and  serving-men  to  wait, 
And  a  pretty  little  useless  lodge  nigh  to  his  garden  gate. 

Miss  Eva  Jenkins  had  been  used  to  fashionable  balls, 
To  yawn  through  stylish  concerts  and  to  ornament  the 

stalls, 
To  wear  a  double  eye-glass  which  gave  her  eyes  much 

pain, 
To  look  on  all  poor  humble  folk  as  worthless  or  insane, 
To  associate  with  persons  who  were  very  gently  born, 
To  have  a  maid  to  help  to  put  her  clothes  on  every  morn, 
And  to  flirt  with  'Frisco's   "  quality"  at  tennis  on  the 

lawn. 

Mr.  Nugent  Howard  Jenkins  had  been  what  is  styled  a 
swell, 

Though  what  a  swell  quite  is,  perhaps,  it's  difficult  to 
tell. 

His  cuffs  were  never  known  to  be  above  his  finger  joints, 

And  he  never  played  at  poker  for  ought  less  than  dol- 
lar points, 

He'd  sup  with  ballet  ladies,  and  ne'er  think  it  any 
crime, 

Then  send  them  pretty  presents  with  nice  scented  notes 
of  rhyme, 

And  lie  in  bed  till  ordinary  persons'  dinner  time. 

He  liked  his  hock  and  seltzer,  didn't  care  for  vulgar 

"  beers ; " 
When  fashion  strolled  on  Kearny  street  he  came  there 

with  his  leers. 
He  smoked  (superfluous  to  say)  the  very  best  cheroots, 
And  always  wore  drab  gaiters  over  patent  leather  boots, 
He  had  a  real  gold  toothpick,  and  a  silver-mounted 

"crutch," 
In  comic-song  accompaniments  he  had  a  graceful  touch, 
And  San  Francisco's  pretty  girls  adored  him  very  much. 


But  luxury  must  lessen  and'a  fortune  must  wax  thin, 
With  piles  of  money  going  out  and  nothing  coming  in  ; 
And  twelve  months  brought  the  Jenkinses  from  hand- 
some house  and  land, 
To  an  unassuming  tenement  down  by  the  bay's  cool 
strand. 
:  Ah,  things  are  changed,"  sighed  Jonas-,  "through  this 
(very  bad  word )  trade, 
And  Eva  wept  profusely  upon  parting  with  her  maid, 
Who  wept  still  more  profusely,  her  wages  were  unpaid. 

And  Nugent  changed  his  "circle"  chair  where  he'd 
been  used  to  sit, 

To  occasional  small  drinking  bouts  in  some  saloon's  rude 
pit ; 

He  gave  up  ballet  ladies,  left  uncurled  his  blonde  mous- 
tache, 

And  cut  his  old  elaborate  sticks  for  those  of  humble  ash. 

His  toothpick  and  his  gaiters,  his  cheroots  were  quickly 
gone  ; 

No  dainty  spotless  linen  could  he  see  his  way  to  don, 

But  sadly  took  to  flannel  shirts  with  "dickies  "  fastened 


But  matters  with  rapidity  went  on  from  bad  to  worsen 
And  Jonas  Jenkins  soon  found  out  the  bottom  of  his 

purse ; 
The  Sheriff  took    his  furniture,  each  table  and  each 

.  yhair, 
Untti  the  humble  tenement  of  its  last  stock, was  bare. 
The  .sofa  fetched  three  dollars,  and  the  clock  a  trifle 

more, 
-  For  fifteen  cents  the  towel  sold  behind  the  kitchen  door, 
And'a  very  useful  bedstead  went  for  dollars  only  four. 

And  after  paying  debt  and  costs,  to  Jonas  thus  bereft 
Was  handed  just  one  nickel.    All  the  surplus  that  was 

left 
Of  this  poor  coin,  however,  poor  old  Jenkins  made  the 

most, 
He  melted  it  in  literature  and  bought  an  Evening  Post  ; 
An  article  on  hearses  just  appearing  on  that  day, 
He  read  with  satisfaction  in  a  hazy  sort  of  way, 
Then  fell  upon  a  paragraph,  the  which  had  this  to  say  : 

*"'On  Tuesday  last  an  officer,"  so  Jonas  Jenkins  read, 
'  Lit  on  the  body  of  a  man  indubitably  dead, 
Within  a  dirty  cellar  which  deceased  had  occupied, 
And  in  which  we  should  imagine  he  unquestionably 

died. 
We  hear  the  aged  party  just  gone  to  Kingdom  Come 
Was  a  very  wealthy  miser,  and,  tho'  living  in  a  slum, 
'Tis  thought  he  must  have  somewhere  left  a  very  hand- 
some sum," 

A  smile  shone  o'er  the  reader's  face,  its  clouds  began  to 
clear, 
'  I'll  take  that  cellar,  Nugent,  boy,  I'll  take  it  Eva,  dear. 
The  rent's  perhaps  four  bits  per  week,  not  more,  one 

would  suppose, 
Aud  Uncle  Hurris  will  lend  that  upon  my  underclothes. 
The  fixtures  will  be  trifling,  but  who  is  there  to  say 
How  great  the  fortune  in  that  cellar  deftly  hid  away, 
I'll  go  and  see  the  landlord — yes,  I'll  get  the  key  to- 
day." 

The  loan  negotiated  with  the  Uncle  I've  just  named, 
Then  Jenkins  went  and  bought  some  tools,  and,  not  the 

least  ashamed, 
Pushed  off  unto  the  landlord,  and  a  week's  rent  paid  in 

hand, 
When  all  the  Jenkins  trio— such  a  very  hopeful  band — 
Went  down  into  the  celler,  and  then  locked  and  barred 

the  door, 
Then  turned  their  iron  implements  upon  the  wall  and 

floor, 
And  prayed  to  find  as  much  of  wealth  as  they  had 

known  before. 

They  worked  and  chiselled  at  the  wall,  and  soon  knocked 
out  a  chink, 

And  on  the  other  side  they  heard  a  sweetly  welcome 
clink, 

Then  Nugent  put  his  hand  within,  drew  forth  a  glitter- 
ing gem, 

Which  Eva  said  was  worthy  of  a  monarch's  diadem. 

Then  followed  as  a  guerdon  for  their  trouble  and  their 
pains, 

Watches  of  the  Waltham  make  and  highly  polished 
chains. 

Old  Jenkins  gave  a  war-whoop  and  sat  down  to  count 
his  gains. 


They  summed  up  fifteen  treasures,  and  they  might 
have  summed  up  more. 

When  Bloggs,  a  jobbing  jeweler,  who  had  a  shop  next- 
door, 

Walked  in  with  three  stout  officers,  and  spite  of  kicks- 
and  yells, 

Hauled  all  the  Jenkins  trio  off  unto  the  "dungeon. 
cells." 

Not  all  the  touching  eloquence  of  lawyers  the  next  day! 

Sufficed  to  get  the  Jenkinses  in  freedom  sent  away, —     j 

A  half  a  year  in  prison  each  poor  Jenkins  had  to  stay.  ! 
—James  Burnley-     I 


THE     RAGGED    THIRTEEN, 


Did 


Devil    Throw    the    Ace    of 


I  have  always  had  a  peculiar  fondness  for  the 
number  Thirteen. 

•  If  the  cards  are  properly  dealt  at  whist  each 
player  will  hold  thirteen,  whereas  if  the  dealer 
niake  a  blunder,  some  will  hold  twelve,  some  four- 
teen, and  no  one  thirteen,  and  the  deal  passes;  and 
when  the  unlucky  dealer  chances  to  be  my  partner, 
there  is  to  me  a  weird  significance  in  these  facts. 
If  at  euchre  we  throw  out  all  the  cards  except  they 
face  cards  and  one  ten,  there  would  be  only  thir- 
teen left  in  the  deck,  which  would  not  be  enough 
to  deal  five  to  each  person,  even  playing  cut-throat. 
If  at  seven-up  one  took  in  a  ten  and  a  king,  he 
could  count  thirteen  for  game.  .  There  is  no  com- 
bination of  ten  and  three  or  eight  and  five  which 
does  not  equal  thirteen,  and  in  cribbage  a  hand 
consisting  of  a  six,  seven,  eight  and  two  aces  scores 
thirteen,  and  is  called  the  ragged.  I  admit  that  it 
is  womanish,  but  to  be  obliged  to  count  this  hand 
in  a  hurry  always  makes  me  shudder. 

I  lounged  into  the  club  one  evening,  and,  having 
nothing  better  to  do,  watched  Grahame  and  Roch- 
ester playing  this  fascinating  game.  No  ladies 
being  present,  the  gayety  was  unchecked — not  a 
syllable  was  spoken. 

I  hoped  demoniacally  that  Rochester  would  win, 
for  I  had  played  with  Grahame  the  night  before, 
and  when  I  had  the  first  count  and  a  twenty-four- 
hand,  he  had  malevolently  pegged  thirteen  and] 
gone  out. 

I  watched  the  game  with  intense  interest.      Itj 
was  nearly  finished.     Each  had  exactly  thirteen  to 
go,  and  Grahame  had  the  deal.      I  felt  safe  in  bet- 
ting thirteen  cents  on  Rochester,  although  he  had  1 
a  way  of  getting  nineteen-hands  rather  gruesome-; 
for  his  backers.    Grahame  dealt  in  thirteen  seconds. 
I  looked  over  Rochester's  hand.     He  held  a  six  of  f 
hearts,  eigth  of  clubs,  seven  of   diamonds,  ace  of  J 
hearts — only  nine  !     Another  ace  would  carry  hug 
out.     I  pushed  the  deck  towards  him  to  cut.     He-? 
cut  the  ace  of  spades ! 

I  met  Grahame  about  a  week  later. 

"Jack,"  said  he,  "  I  am  convinced  that  the  devil 
cut  that  ace  of  spades." 

"Why?"  said  I. 

"Because,"  said  he,  "no  one  could  beat  such  a 
player  as  I  am  without  supernatural  aid." 

"  Oh,  the  devil  he  could'nt !"  said  I,  and  subse- 
quently I  won  from  him  thirteen  games  on  thirteent 
consecutive  evenings  at  thirteen  dollars  a  game  ! 
Foolano  Argonatjticus. 


■%*  "  There  is  no  arguing  a  coward  into  courage."  But 
even  the  coward  may  be  brave  after  trying  Kidney- Wort,, 
that  medicine  of  wonderful  efficacy  in  all  diseases  of  the 
liver  and  kidneys.  It  is  prepared  in  both  dry  and  liquid 
form  and  can  always  be  relied  on  as  an  effective  cathartic 
and  diuretic.     Try  it. 

S3T  Dresses,  cloaks,  coats,  stockings  and  all  garments-) 
can  be  colored  successfully  with  the  Diamond  Dyes.. 
Fashionable  colors.     Only  10c, 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op-j 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace1' 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine! 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by( 
all  dealers.  _  ^ 

Ladies  of  all  ages  who  suffer  from  loss  of  appetite;] 
from  imperfect  digestion,  low  spirits  and  nervous  debility 
may  have  life  and  health  renewed  and  indefinitely  ex- 
tended by  the  use  of  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  remedies 
for  all  complaints  incident  to  the  female  constitution. 

Ladies  and  sickly  girls  requiring  a  non-alcoholic,  gentle 
stimulant,  will  find  Btowil's  Iron  Bitters  beneficial. 


THE     WASP. 


THE    CAPITAL    OF    THE    COMMONWEALTH.-I. 


Special  Correspondence  os  thb  Wasp. 


tiacranu  rito,  ./-in.  }>'<,  1883. 

Your  correspondent  arrived  the  other  day,  bul 
having  made  a  tour  of  the  Theatre  Comique  aud 
Con.  Mooney'a  cock-pit  with  the  San  Francisco 
delegation,  is  unable  to  fix  dates  with  that  accu- 
racy that  should  lie  the  prominent  virtue  of  the 
representative  of  a  journal  so  vastly  enterprising 
and  universally  respected.  For  some  days  after  his 
arrival  your  correspondent,  was  entirely  at  sua,  and 
wandered  aimlessly  round  the  lobbies  of  the  Senate 
and  Assembly,  occasionally  pausing  to  listen  for  an 
hour  or  two  to  the  matchless  eloquence  of  Senator 
Martin  Kelly  on  the  oleomargarine  interests,  and 
the  fervid  remonstrances  of  Senator  Ryan  against 
the  deplorable  practice  of  allowing  goats  to  run  at 
large  in  Siskiyou.  At  last  even  these  edifying  ex- 
hibitions of  patriotism  failed  to  interest  him,  and 
your  correspondent  found  Ins  list-  of  pastimes 
abridged  to  one  melancholy  pursuit — the  hopeless 
attempt  to  discover  the  sinister  motives  of  the 
public  in  electing  legislators  and  sending  them  to 
Sacramento  at  a  salary  of  eight  dollars  a  day.  The 
explanation  that  eight  dollars  a  day  would  be  a 
small  sum  to  pay  for  the  boon  of  getting  many  of 
the  legislators  away  from  their  abiding  places  did 
not  entirely  solve  the  problem.  A  hundred  cheap 
plans  for  decoying  the  dangerous  statesmen  might 
be  suggested.  For  example,  they  might  be  induced 
to  start  a  daily  newspaper  in  Oakland,  and  thus  re- 
duced to  the  lowest  depths  of  poverty  be  left  dur- 
ing the  remainder  of  their  days  of  starvation  to 
wander  along  the  shores  of  the  bay,  gazing  hun- 
grily across  the  ferry  they  could  neither  wade  nor 
swim.  They  might  be  enticed  to  the  Farallones 
by  the  report  that  W.  W.  Stowe  was  seen  landing 
there  with  a  large  sack.  Many  other  expedients 
that  suggested  themselves  convinced  the  corre- 
spondent that  the  motive  in  sending  legislators  to 
Sacramento  was  something  beyond  the  mere  desire 
of  their  unfortunate  constituents  to  get  rid  of 
them. 

On  the  first  visit  of  the  correspondent  to  the 
Assembly,  he  had  been  startled  by  this  strange 
apparation  behind  the  clerk's  desk  : 


The  correspondent's  first  impression  was  that 
some  member  of  the  barn-storming  theatrical  com- 
pany was  there,  had  mistaken  the  Capital  for  the 
theater,  and  rolled  in  to  take  a  part  in  Siberia.  As 
the  apparation  caused  no  astonishment  among  the 
legislators,  the  idea  that  the  weird  stranger  was  a 
mimic  nihilist  gave  way  to  a  suspicion  that  he  was 
an  actual  fugitive  for  the  realm  of  the  Czar.  The 
correspondent  was  in  the  depths  of  his  melancholy 
reflections  when  Senator  Jere.  Lynch,  who  had 
just  been  overjoyed  by  a  false  report  that  he  was 
to  be  appointed  on  the  Committee  of  Corporations, 
slapped  him  on  the  shoulder. 

"Hullo,  Percy,"  cried  the  elated  Senator,  "come, 
I  suppose,  to  look  for  the  Adjutant-Generalship." 

Your  correspondent  reluctantly  but  firmly  denied 
the  flattering  accusation,  whereupon  the  tears 
rolied  into  the  Senator's  liquid  eyes,  and  he  drew 
out  a  daintily  embroidered  handkerchief  that 
scented  the  whole  Assembly  chamber,  and  caused 
great  distress  to  the  members  from  Tar  Flat. 

"  I  had  hoped  to  find— in  the  representative  of 
the  Wasp  at  least  one — one  man — yes,  one  man 
who  could  tell  the — the — -truth,"  said  the  Senator 
between  the  flaps  of  his  handkerchief.  "  But,"  he 
added,  "  alas  !  even  chromo-lithographic  journal- 
ism has  not  escaped." 

Your  correspondent  tried  to  relieve  the  distressed 
Senator  by  reiterating  his  confession  of  a  total 
lack  of  ambition  to  shine  in  the  brass  buttons  of 
an  Adjutant-General,  but  the  Senator's  sorrow  only 
deepened  with  the  force  of  the  assertion. 

"  Pray,  do  not,"  said  he,  smiling  sadly  through 


his  tears  at  the  humor  of  the  idea  that  any  one 
should  visit  Sacramento  without  designs  on  the 
Adjutant- Generalship.  "  Pray,  do  not,  he  repeat- 
ed, and  immediately  changed  the  subject. 

"  Have  you  seen  the  Governor  V  lie  asked. 

four  correspondent  was  anxious  to  see  His  Ex- 
cellency, and  accepting  the  Senator's  cordial  escort 
proceeded  to  the  Governor's  private  office.  Your 
correspondent  observed  that  a  large  track  had  been 
worn  in  the  threshold  of  the  Gubernatorial  sanc- 
tum, and  noted  that  a  young  man  with  eye-glasses, 
who  sat  in  the  outer  apartment,  wore  a  collar  that 
was  awry,  and  bore  other  marks  that  betokened 
his  recent  engagement  in  a  former  round  contest. 
The  young  man  nodded  familiarly  to  the  Senator. 
and  laid  aside  his  glasses  to  read  a  novel  by 
"Ouida,"  while  the  Senator  pushed  open  the  door 
of  the  Governor's  private  oflice.  As  the  door  flew 
back,  a  man  prematurely  old  and  woefully  sad  of 
countenance,  looked  over  a  huge  pile  of  papers  in 
which  he  was  inmersed. 


"  It's  the  Governor,"  whispered  the  Senator  to 
your  correspondent,  who  thought  the  weary  and 
woe-be-gone  old  gentleman  was  a  distressed  paper 
merchant  examining  his  stock  before  going  into 
bankrupty. 

Your  correspondent  bowed  and  gave  a  second  re- 
spectful salutation  as  the  Senator  introduced  him. 

"  Governor  Stoneman,  Mr.  Percival  Gilhooly. " 

"  Of  what  place  ?"  asked  the  sad  eyed  old  gen- 
tleman, glowering  over  the  huge  rolls  of  paper 
which  the  correspondent's  quick  eye  discovered 
were  the  petitions  of  applicants  for  office. 

"  Of  San  Francisco,"  said  your  correspondent, 
and  was  about  to  add  a  delicate  bit  of  flattery  of 
the  climate  of  Sacramento,  but  the  old  gentleman 
interrupted  him  fiercely: 

"Go  away — go  away  !  the  oflice  is  filled.  It's 
filled,  I  tell  you  !"  he  repeated,  reaching  for  a 
small  pistol  which  lay  among  the  pile  of  papers. 

When  the  Senator  explained  that  your  corre- 
spondent was  merely  representing  the  most  digni- 
fined  and  enterprising  journal  of  the  metropolis, 
His  Excellency  grew  less  terrible,  but  the  sight  of 
a  man  from  San  Francisco  plainly  unnerved  him 
and  aroused  his  darkest  suspicions,  and  not  desir- 
ing to  annoy  him  unnecessarily,  your  correspondent 
withdrew.     In  the  rotunda  this  strange  spectacle 


revived  the  unpleasant  thoughts  which  your  corre- 
spondent had  entertained  while  gazing  at  the  re- 


markable apparation  behind  the  clerk's  desk.  The 
visions  of  a  dark  conspiracy  were  dispelled,  how- 
ever, when  the  cordial  Senator  grasped  the  hand  of 
one  of  the  mysterious  looking  brigands  and  called 
him  "John,"  and  familiarly  addressed  the  other 
as  "Bill."  After  bidding  the  weird  three  adieu, 
the  Senator  stated  that  the  brigandish  looking 
assemblage  was  merely  a  friendly  meeting  between 
an  oratorical  editor  from  Oakland,  the  artist  of  a 
San  Francisco  weekly,  and  the  plethoric  personage 
who  to  the  indecency  of  a  low-necked  shirt  adds  the 
notoriety  of  the  name  of  "Mexico  Bill."  Attracted 
by  affinity  the  three  had  struck  up  an  im- 
mediate friendship,  and  as  the  correspondent 
took  himself  out  of  the  glare  of  the  artist's  I  X  L 
diamond  were  sealing  the  bond  of  eternal  re- 
gard by  a  proposition  to  step  down  to  Chris.  Buck- 
ley's bar  in  the  cellar  and  shake  for  the  drinks. 
On  the  way  back  to  A.he  Assembly  to  get  another 
glimpse  at  the  apparation  behind  the  desk,  a  dark- 
haired  legislator 


With  a  bundle  of  bills  in  his  arms  marked, 
"to  abolish  swearing,"  "to  make  mine-owning 
a  felony,"  "to  provide  brown  stone  mansions  for 
the  indigent,"  and  other  moral  and  highly  benevo- 
lent titles,  stumbled  over  the  Senator's  varnished 
shoes  and  entangled  the  crook  of  his  elbow  in  the 
Senatorial  chair. 

"  Hello  !  Look  out,  Leverson  !"  exclaimed  the 
Senator,  and  the  gentleman  of  Hebraic  nose  and 
excited  mien  answered  through  his  armfullof  bills: 
"Beg  pardon  ;  weally  I'm  wushed  to  death  wun- 
ning  awound  after  Lawoo,  you  know  ;  'ave  you 
seen  'im,  you  know  ?" 

By  this  time  your  correspondent  and  the  Sena- 
tor had  reached  the  Assembly  door  and  were  in  full 
view  of  the  apparition  behind  the  desk,  but  before 
the  correspondent  could  inquire  from  Mr.  Lynch 
the  business  of  the  strange  personage,  another  ex- 
citing misstatement  that  he  had  been  appointed  on 
the  Committee  on  Corporations  reached  the  Sena- 
tor and  he  shot  away  through  the  crowded  lobby. 
There  is  a  rumor  afloat  that  the  mysterious  person- 
age is  an  escaped  tailor  from  San  Francisco,  who 
does  clerical  work,  but  the  story  is  disbelieved. 
The  greater  credence  is  given  to  the  statement  that 
he  is  a  secret  agent  imported  from  St.  Petersburg 
by  Clarence  Greathouse  to  watch  the  San  Francisco 
delegation  during  the  session. 

Percival  Gilhooly. 


Mr.  David  Bush  is  a  living  refutation  of  that 
lying  slander,  familiar  in  the  mouths  of  property- 
owners  as  household  words,  "  that  plumbers  have 
no  souls. "  For  Mr.  Bush,  mourning  over  the  black- 
ened ruins  of  the  Park  conservatory,  even  as 
Rachel  mourned  for  her  children,  and  refusing  to 
be  comforted  because  it  was  burned  down,  has 
started  a  Fund.  This  amiable  citizen,  with  a  weak- 
ness common  to  all  great  men,  plumbers  not  ex- 
cepted, seems  determined  that  his  name  shall  go 
down  to  posterity  in  connection  with  the  Fund. 
Therefore,  his  generous  fellow-citizens  are  invited 
to  contribute  to  this  Fund  for  the  reconstruction  of 
the  conservatory.  It  is  not  called  the  Conservatory 
Fund,  or  the  Fioral  Fund,  or  the  Sleeping  Watch- 
man Fund,  or  the  Phoenix  Fund.  No,  its  name  is 
the  Bush  Fund,  for  short,  and  the  David  Bush 
Fund  when  any  particular  euphony  is  desired.  It 
may  be  a  little  harsh  to  insinuate  that  a  desire  for 
posthumous  fame  has  anything  to  do  with  Mr. 
Bush's  energy  in  this  matter.  But  we  have  suf- 
fered so  much,  and  humanity  has  suffered  so  much 
from  the  plumbers  and  gas  fitters  of  this  vale  of 
tears,  that  we  are  unwilling  to  acknowledge  the  ex- 
istence of  even  a  shred  of  virtue  in  any  member 
of  the  fraternity. 


THE    WASP 


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The  war  for  the  preservation  of  the  Union  is 
being  actively  pushed  in  California.  Our  people 
are  pretty  slow  to  anger.  They  are  like  a  pile  of 
hard  wood,  which  requires  a  deal  of  kindling,  but 
once  the  mass  is  penetrated  by  the  flame  burns 
with  a  strong,  steady  slow  exceedingly  difficult  of 
extinguishment.  We  didn't  get  very  "mad"  dur- 
ing the  first  four  or  five  years  of  the  Rebellion. 
Our  first  formidable  blows  at  the  Great  Insurrection 
consisted  mainly  in  the  resignation  of  John  Mc- 
Comb  from  the  State  militia—sometimes  facetious- 
ly called  the  National  Guard ;  the  forwarding  of 
ceitain  sample-sacks  of  prize  potatoes  to  the  Sani- 
tary Commission  ;  the  fiery  harangues  of  Thomas 
Starr  King  ;  the  thrifty  demonetization  of  the  na- 
tional currency,  and  the  dispatch  eastward  of  the 
California  Hundred,  in  whose  ranks  Sam  Backus 
rose  to  the  dignity  of  corporal  and  fleshed  his 
maiden  sword  in  his  foot,  and  all  of  whom,  we  be- 
lieve, returned  with  valor  unimpaired  each  proudly 
exhibiting  his  own  scalp  as  a  trophy.  But  as  the 
years  went  on  and  returning  peace  gave  us  leisure 
for  battle,  our  warlike  spirit  blazed  out  an  inextin- 
guishable flame.  Our  loyalists  put  fresh  coals  upon 
their  loyalty,  our  rebels  chucked  new  niggers  into 
the  furnance  of  their  displeasure.  And  now  the 
land  is  vocal  of  the  clamor  of  combat — "the  thun- 
der of  the  captains  and  the  shouting."  At  every 
movement  in  the  social  or  political  field  "  the 
wonted  roar,"  like  the  revelry  of  Comus'  crew,  "is 
up  amidst  the  woods  and  fills  the  air  with  barbar- 
ous dissonance."  We  shonld  not  be  surprised  if 
by  the  time  the  present  generation  of  Californians 
have  passed  one  another  away  the  whole  face  of 
the  world  would  be  changed.  Indeed,  it  has-been 
changed  already — by  a  serene,  slow  smile  of  de- 


For  some  years  the  main  battleground  has  been 
at  Berkeley,  where  the  State  University  has  served 
as  a  rat-pit  for  the  glutting   of   the   Regents'  pur- 


poseless sectional  animosities,  until  now  there  ap- 
pears to  be  no  way  of  composing  the  strife  but 
by  abolishing  the  institution  that  provokes  it.  The 
latest  direction  taken  by  this  unholy  flame  is  to- 
ward Governor  Stoneman's  appointee  to  the  office 
of  Adjutant-General.  In  this  instance  the  fire  is 
urged  by  the  bad  breath  of  a  ring  of  militia  mal- 
contents, headed  by  the  great  Backus,  who  wanted 
a  shrimp  of  their  own  catching — a  man  said  to  be 
named  Laven.  Governor  Stoneman,  however,  pre- 
ferred General  Cosby,  a  soldier,  a  gentleman  and 
a  man  whom  he  knew.  The  circumstance  that 
Cosby  had  been  a  Confederate  officer  did  not  count 
for  anything  with  a  man  who  had  been  himself  a 
man  of  battle,  not  a  man  of  picnic.  The  North- 
ern States,  which  gave  most  blood  and  treasure  in 
the  war,  most  quickly  forgave  those  who  had  ex- 
acted the  sacrifice.  The  veterans  in  the  field 
divided  their  food  with  their  prisoners,  the  Militia 
and  Home  Guards  in  the  rear  took  from  them  that 
which  the  Government  gave.  Honor  and  duty  are 
not  more  closely  allied  than  generosity  and  cour- 
age ;  by  his  treatment  of  the  vanquished  the  brave 
man  is  as  readily  distinguished  from  the  coward  as 
by  his  attitude  before  the  victor.  In  the  light  of 
his  splendid  military  record  General  Stoneman  can 
afford  to  ignore  the  differences  that  were  his  op- 
portunity ;  these  are  important  only  to  the  small 
souls  of  little  nobodies  with  neither  a  career  before 
them  nor  a  history  behind  ;  thrifty  patriots  camp- 
following  in  the  rear  of  conquest  to  plunder  dead 
reputations  and  besmirch  living  ones  ;  prowling 
swashbucklers,  who  never  resented  a  foul  blow  and 
never  struck  a  fair  one ;  the  Backuses,  Dickinsons 
and  Tharps — the  accidents  and  ailments  of  society, 
incurred  by  our  follies  and  inflicted  for  our  sins.  It 
is  this  kind  flf  yappeting  whelpage  that  is  now  as- 
sailing the  heel  of  Gen.  Cosby  by  gratuitous  ex- 
pressions of  small  animosity  in  the  newspapers.  In 
writing  of  them  one  is  tempted  to  hold  the  pen  in 
his  toes  for  the  satisfaction  of  making  every  up- 
stroke  an  energetic  kick. 


We  have  always  held  that  California's  opposition 
to  the  Chinese  bordered  closely  upon  barbarism  in 
spirit  and  persecution  in  act.  It  has  been  our  be- 
lief, and  slill  is,  that  the  mischief  of  Chinese  immi- 
gia'ion  and  cheap  labor  was  absurdly  overstated  ; 
and  we  know  that  no  due  deductions  were  made  on 
account  of  certain  indisputable  benefits.  As  the 
utterance  of  disagreeable  truth  as  we  understand 
it  is  one  of  the  most  cherished  functions  of  this 
journal,  we  have  not  scrupled  at  seasonable  times 
to  set  forth  these  views  with  such  iteration  of  state- 
ment and  variety  of  illustration  as  seemed  best 
calculated  to  make  them  wholesemely  offensive  to 
those  denied  the  advantage  of  sharing  them.  With 
the  Restriction  Act,  however,  we  find  no  fault.  It 
seems  to  us  about  the  only  honest  and  manly  anti- 
Chinese  law  that  has  ever  gone  on  the  books.  It 
proceeded  from  the  only  body  that  had  any  au- 
thority in  the  matter.  It  did  not  propose  to  ac- 
complish anything  by  indirection.  It  took  account 
of  treaty  obligations  and  the  common  rights  of 
man.  It  had  the  assent  of  the  Chinese  Govern- 
ment and  of  the  Chinese  here,  and  by  falling  short 
of  extermination  offended  the  Irish — no  small 
merit  in  a  law.  President  Arthur's  various  "con- 
stitutional advisers1' — whose  official  existence,  by 
the  way,  does  not  happen  to  be  recognized  by  the 
Constitution — are  now  engaged  in  obstructing  the 
execution  and  minifying  the  benefits  of  this  excel- 
lent law,  and  are  making  a  mess  of  it.  It  forbids 
the  Chinese  to  enter  our  ports  ;  they  propose  to  let 
them  in  at  one  port  on  their  promise  to  go  out  at 
another.  How  to  hold  them  to  the  promise  is  a 
problem  which  old  Folger  has  now  the  impudence 
to  ask  Californians  to  assist  him    in   solving.     We 


have  the  honor  to  suggest  that  they  be  sent  across 
to  San  Francisco  in  gangs  of  ten  thousand,  each 
batch  escorted  by  a  constitutional  adviser.  On 
their  arrival  at  San  Francisco  our  people  will  see 
that  the  Chinese  embark  for  Hongkong,  and  there 
need  be  no  appropriation  made  for  the  return  trip 
of  the  constitutional  adviser  ;  we  will  convert  him 
into  a  fine  quality  of  oleomargarine  to  gratify  the 
gullets  of  our  dogs  withal. 


There  is  a  concerted  movement  on  the  part  of 
the  press  and  the  mercantile  community  to  procure 
the  passage  of  an  act  to  prevent  the  traditional 
robbery  of  ship-owners  under  the  various  forms  of 
"port  charges."  There  is  not  in  the  world  a  port 
where  ships  are  plundered  so  pitilessly  as  here,  The 
exactions  of  Algerian  "harbor  commissioners"  in 
the  pre-Decatur  period  were  perhaps  less  moderate 
in  sum,  but  they  were  more  manly  in  method. 
Our  authorities  have  studied  as  a  science  the  pillag- 
ing which  they  practice  as  an  art,  and  the  profit  of 
their  theft  they  keep  for  their  honesty.  Now  that 
the  Southern  Pacific  Railroad  Company  is  bending 
its  benevolent  energies  to  the  task  of  making  New 
Orleans  the  sea-port  of  California,  and  San  Fran- 
cisco an  emharcadero  for  the  dried  hides  of  Butcher- 
town,  it  is  about  time  to  put  a  stop  to  this  dishon- 
est nonsense,  or  the  enterprising  teredo  will  soon  be 
the  only  concern  doing  business  along  our  wharves. 
The  class-leaders  in  this  revival  of  piracy  for  ex- 
horting the  impenitent  skipper  appear  to  be  the 
Goodall-Perkins  crowd  of  tug-boat  toughs.  These 
ca/ronivorce  have  had  an  entire  administration  in 
which  to  pick  the  ribs  of  foreign  ships,  and  ought 
by  this  time  to  be  comfortably  fat  and  amenable  to 
the  sweet  suasion  of  yelling  and  rock-throwing,  but 
they  are  not ;  they  have  hooked  their  taluns  into 
our  commerce  and  propose  to  sit  up  with  the  corpse. 
By  forcing  the  pilots  into  an  unholy  alliance  they 
have  doubled  the  charges,  and  taken  for  their  share 
three  halves  of  the  increase.  The  Legislature  has 
been  memorialized  against  their  exactions.  Let 
some  ambitious  white-plumed  La  Mancha  of  debate 
respite  his  windmill  and  tackle  these  more  eminent 
and  imminent  oppressors.  If  their  outrages  result 
in  placing  the  whole  matter  of  port  charges  in  the 
hands  of  the  General  Government,  where  it  ought 
to  be,  they  will  not  have  lived  in  vain  though  too 
long. 

The  opposition  to  Salmi  Morse's  Passion  Play 
appears  to  us  to  have  no  basis  of  common-sense. 
If  the  religion  of  Jesus  Christ  has  so  precarious  a 
hold  on  the  hearts  and  consciences  of  the  Ameri- 
can people  that  Salmi  Morse  can  loosen  it  we  think 
the  worship  of  Salmi  Morse  might  advantageously 
be  substituted  for  the  worship  of  Jesus  Christ.  In 
this  judgment  we  are  not  consciously  influenced 
by  the  circumstance  that  he— Mr.  Morse — was  once 
the  editor  of  this  paper ;  the  position  is  one  of 
great  honor  but  not  of  sanctity  in  the  religious 
sense.  We  cannot  conscientiously  affirm  that  Salmi 
was  a  very  good  editor,  nor  do  we  believe  that  he 
is  now  a  very  good  Christian  ;  but  a  reformed 
journalist  is  under  any  circumstances  entitled  to 
considerate  encouragement,  and  this  one  has  not 
been  given  a  fair  deal.  To  hold  that  the  prohibi- 
tion of  the  Passion  Play  is  legal  is  to  deny  ail  mean- 
ing to  the  term  religious  freedom.  Will  any  one 
affirm  the  legal  right  of  the  civil  authority  to  in- 
hibit a  play  representing  a  solemn  incident  in  the 
life  of  Brahma,  Buddha,  Mahomet  or  Zoroaster  ? 
The  thing  is  illogical  and  absurd  no  end,  and  if 
Mr.  Morse's  persecution  means  anything  it  means 
the  old  thing — that  "  a  factious  band  agree  to  call 
it  freedom  when  themselves  are  free."  The  hot- 
gospelers  of  the  Christian  faith  are  "  on  top  "  in 
this  country  and  mean  to  stay  there  by  fair  means 
awl  foul.     That  is  about  all  there  is  of  it. 


THE    WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


Besides  his  profession  ol  spreading  the  gospel, 
Dr.  Hallelujah  Cox  lias  another-  that  of  making 
Republican  speeches  for  money.  He  was  always 
paid,  but  Senator  Miller  saw  lit  to  reward  him 
with  a  pension  agency  worth  four  thousand  dollars 
a  year  in  salary,  and  iis  much  as  he  could  make  out 
of  the  pensioners.  As  was  to  have  been  ex- 
pected, he  lias  been  caught  taking  hack  from  an 
ailing  veteran,  with  one  hand  what  he  had  re- 
luctantly passed  over  to  him  with  the  other.  So 
there  is  a  fair  prospect  of  the  thrifty  hypocrite  re- 
ceiving at  the  hands  of  the  public  jailor  a  part  of 
that  reward  of  which  the  balance  will  be  handed 
up  to  him  by  a  glowing  gridiron  in  the  tenebreous 
realm  of  Jack  Satan.  In  the  sweet  by-and-by 
Hallelujah  Cox  en  brochette  will  be  one  of  the 
daintiest  dishes  served  to  himself  in  Lower  San 
Francisco.  It  is  to  be  hoped  he  will  enjoy  the  spit 
as  much  as  his  congregation  have  hitherto  enjoyed 
his  spittle. 


This  oleaginous  hypocrite  lias  also  been  com- 
pelled by  a  court  of  justice  to  refund  to  a  weak- 
minded  woman  several  thousand  dollars  which  he 
had  persuaded  her  to  loan  on  the  insecurities  of  a 
mining  company,  of  which  he  was  the  President  and 
she  the  mine.  However,  I  know  things  about  Dr. 
Cox  so  much  worse  than  these  that  if  he  were  con- 
victed of  them  he  would  plead  these  in  mitigation 
of  sentence. 


appearance  of  maintaining  it— and  of  being  an 
" enemy "  to  the  Overland  Monthly;  though,  as  I 
am  not  a  "contributor,"  Mr.  Scott  would  seem  to 

class  me  as  its  "friend."  I  am  a  friend  to  its 
merits,  an  enemy  to  its  faults.  Of  these  latter  the 
chief  is  its  existence,  "supported  by  voluntary  con- 
tributions." Whatever  may  be  true  of  books,  it  is 
true  of  periodicals  and  journals  that  none  fails 
which  ought  to  succeed.  The  death  of  a  journal  is 
conclusive  proof  that  it  was  not  wanted.  Sup- 
ported by  factitious  aids  it  has  no  representative 
character,  supplies  no  demand,  is  not  in  any  sense  a 
part  of  the  life  and  literature  of  its  period  and 
country— has  no  value  or  meaning.  A  people's 
literature  is  the  outgrowth,  the  fruit  and  flower  of 
that  people's  social  life  and  intellectual  needs.  The 
Overland  Monthly^  supported  by  voluntary  contri- 
bution of  work  bv  writers  and  money  by  Mr.  Irving 
Scott,  represents  the  ideas  of  its  writers  and  its 
patron  ;  bt.t  having  no  root  it  must,  and  ought  to, 
fall.  It  is  amazing  that  facts  so  simple  should  not 
be  obvious. 


A  telegram  from  New  York  significantly  avers 
that  an  acrobat  from  California  was  brought  into 
the  General  Sessions  and  sentenced  to  the  State 
prison.  It  does  not  appear  whether  he  was  sen- 
tenced as  a  Californian  or  as  an  acrobat.  Probably 
he  had  before  been  arrested  as  a  Californian  and 
released  on  bonds,  and  had  jumped  his  bail.  If 
that  makes  a  man  an  acrobat  this  would  be  a 
mighty  good  place  to  pick  up  the  raw  material  for 
a  circus. 


I  received  last  week  the  following  invitation — if 
it  is  an  invitation  : 

"The  contributors  and  friends  of  the  Overland  Monthly 
will  be  welcome,  informally,  at  the  residence  of  Irving  M. 
Scott,  507  Harrison  street,  Wednesday  evening,  January 
17th. 

There  are  several  reasons  why  I  did  not  attend, 
and  Mr.  Scott  will,  I  hope,  consent  to  learn  two  of 
them.  In  the  first  place,  his  favor  reads  less  like 
an  invitation  than  a  permission.  Secondly,  it  is 
printed  on  a  postal  card,  a  kind  of  thing  which  has 
not  obtained  recognition  in  the  exchange  of  social 
coui'tesies  among  gentlemen.  Possibly  the  "con- 
tributors and  friends'1  are  not  fastidious  as  to  how 
they  are  called  up  to  the  trough,  but  I,  for  one, 
prefer  to  munch  my  distant  acorn,  retaining  such 
self-respect  as  is  allowable  to  a  pig  of  delicate  sen- 
sibilities. 

In  future  communications  on  social  matters  Mr. 
Scott  may  profitably  make  them  as  other  gentlemen 
do — under  cover  of  an  envelope  and  with  some  re- 
gard to  the  usages  of  well-bred  men  and  women. 
He  is  rich,  and  most  of  the  persons  whom  he  has 
assured  of  a  welcome  without  inviting  them  are  not. 
He  is  a  patron  of  the  kind  of  literature  that  is 
supported — like  private  hospitals  and  editors'  waste- 
baskets — by  "voluntary  contributions,"  while  many 
of  them  are  workers  in  that  humbler  kind  which 
needs  no  patronage.  Yet  I  discern  in  these  condi- 
tions and  relations  nothing  to  justify  him  in  send- 
ing them  supercilious  invitations  printed  on  postal 
cards. 


What  would  be  thought  of  the  business  sense 
and  personal  integrity  of  a  man  who  advertised  for 
sale  the  best  brands  of  flour  and  begged  his  flour  ? 
Suppose  some  man  should  set  up  a  law  office  to  sell 
legal  advice — asking  lawyers  to  contribute  the  ad- 
vice !  Might  not  these  be  pardoned  for  thinking 
his  pretense  of  "  encouraging  lawyers  "  a  transpar- 
ent sham  ?  Will  Mr.  Scott  undertake  to  sell  a 
good  quality  of  machiuory,  relying  upon  the  zeal 
or  vanity  of  iron-workers  to  make  it  for  nothing, 
or  for  smaller  wages  than  they  can  command  from 
other  employers  ?  In  literature  and  art,  as  in 
everything  else,  you  may  be  willing  to  pay  a  good 
quantity  of  nothing,  but  it  will  not  procure  you  a 
good  quality  of  something. 

All  such  projects  as  periodicals  "supported  by 
voluntary  contributions,"  not  of  readers  but  of 
writers,  debase  the  quality  of  literature  by  lessen- 
ing its  rewards.  They  are  not  only  superfluous  ; 
they  are  mischievous.  To  cut  down  the  compensa- 
tion for  literary  work  is  not  the  way  to  "  encourage 
literature."  Harte,  in  conducting  the  old  Overland, 
attempted  the  impossible,  but  he  attempted  it  in 
the  only  way  that  offered  the  faintest  chance  of  suc- 
cess ;  and  the  best  merited  rebuke  I  ever  got  he 
gave  me  when,  in  youthful  enthusiasm  I  once 
offered  "  for  the  enccouragement  of  literature"  to 
forego  the  payment  for  my  monthly  work  in  it. 
If  I  had  not  been  a  professional  writer  I  presume 
he  would  have  permitted  me  to  accept  my  nothing 
—for  that  is  what  my  work  would  probably  have 
been  worth. 


and  his  associates  have  so  long  and  so  earnestly 
minded  ours  that  we  have  very  little  left  that  pays 
a  cent — to  us.  Mr.  Crocker  is  also  pleased  to  be 
unhappy  about  oppressive  taxation  at  the  dictation 
of  the  Sandlot  ;  but  with  all  our  faults  he  loves 
our  properly  still,  and  will  never  desert  us  while 
there  is  any  of  it  left  that  is  transferable.  Well,  if 
we  can  endure  our  cross  he  ought  to  stand  his 
crown,  certainly.  For  California,  too,  has  a 
grievance.     It  is  Mr.  Crocker. 

When  Charley  A.  Sumner  for  Congress  ran, 

It  is  clear  he  had  never  reflected 
That  the  sins  of  youth  will  follow  a  man 

Into  office — if  he  is  elected. 

The  ballots  no  sooner  had  told  the  tale 

Than  Mr.  Choynski  (all  know  him) 
Put  all  of  poor  Charley's  poor  poems  on  sale — 

Yes,  every  particular  poem. 

And  poor  Charley  Sumner  now  wildly  tears 

His  hair  and  refuses  his  victual ; 
He's  weary  of  life,  and  he  solemnly  swears 

He'll  die,  the  next  time,  while  he's  little. 

Take  heart,  O  poor  poet :  'tis  not  so  bad, 
For  only  three  books  have  been  taken  : 

One  reader  is  dead  and  another  gone  mad, 
And  nothing  the  third  can  awaken. 


There  ought  to  be  some  stringent  law  regulating 
the  publication  of  posthumous  writings  not  in- 
tended for  publication  ;  the  greed  of  publishers  ap- 
pears to  be  restrained  by  no  considerations  of  de- 
cency in  this  matter.  Here  is  the  Century  print- 
ing, under  the  title  of  "  A  Look  into  Hawthorne's 
Workshop,"  that  great  dead  author's  most  private 
of  all  private  memoranda — his  notes  for  a  romance 
that  he  never  completed.  Of  course  they  are  des- 
titute of  literary  value  and  interesting  only  to 
those  vulgarly  curious  understandings  which  hold 
the  details  of  William  Shakspeare's  private  life  in 
superior  esteem  as  reading  to  those  of  John  Jones 
—understandings  which  in  art  are  equally  de- 
lighted by  a  painter's  finished  work  and  his  char- 
coal "sketches"  and  imperfect  "studies."  Un- 
fortunately, it  is  this  class  of  minds  that  makes 
the  laws  and  sets  the  intellectual  fashions. 


'  A  most  repulsive  looking  pat 
Of  oleomargine  is  that," 

Said  the  butcher  to  the  baker. 

'  Of  course  :   it  is  created,"  said 
The  baker,  as  he  daubed  his  bread, 
"  In  the  image  of  it's  maker." 


I  suppose  if  Hawthorne  were  alive  the  publisher 
or  editor  of  the  Century  would  have  the  grace  to 
blush  if  caught  in  a  back  yard  boosting  his  fellow- 
men  up  to  a  window  of  the  great  man's  workshop 
and  charging  them  twenty-five  cents  a  peep.  If 
there  is  a  moral  difference  between  doing  that  and 
doing  what  he  has  done,  it  is  distinctly  in  favor  of 
the  hypothetical  iniquity  and  against  the  one  ac- 
tually committed  ;  for  not  only  would  the  specta- 
tors be  fewer,  but  the  show  would  be  better. 


I  am  accused,    sometimes,   of  lowering   the   dig- 
nity of  my  profession — though  tit  is  has   rather  the 


Some  Los  Angeles  patriot  is  said  to  be  "taking 
steps  "  to  have  Governor  Stoneman  expelled  from 
the  Grand  Army  of  the  Republic  for  appointing  a 
"  rebel  "  to  the  position  of  Adjutant-General.  The 
best  steps  for  this  impudent  fellow  to  take  are 
those  leading  down  and  out  from  an  organization 
which,  if  he  is  too  good  to  disgrace  it,  is  so  bad  as 
to  disgrace  him. 


Mr.  Charles  Crocker  has  been  dumping  his  mind 
into  the  ear  of  a  New  York  reporter.  Mr.  Crocker, 
it  appears,  has  a  grievance  or  two,  and  rather  than 
suffer  in  silence  he  will  even  incur  the  risk  of 
stating  them  in  Railroad  English.  He  complains 
that  "out.  in  San  Francisco  they  mind  other  peo- 
ple's business  too  much."  We  must  mind  other 
people's  business  if  we  mind  any,  for  Mr,  Crocker 


If  I  were  dictator  I  would  make  two  offenses 
capital :  the  publication  of  anything  that  is  not 
written  with  that  object,  the  rejection  of  anything 
that  is.  This  would  make  a  clatter  among  the 
bones  of  publishers,  but  it  would  give  Hector 
Stuart  the  grandest  opportunity  he  ever  had  in  all 
his  life. 


Mr.  Faull,  of  the  firm  of  Merry,  Faull  &  Co.,  is 
a  brave  man.  He  can  face  death  to  others  with 
never  a  flinch.  The  other  evening  his  packing- 
house got  afire,  and  after  trying  hard  to  extinguish 
the  flames  his  employees  gave  it  up,  and  were  about 
to  save  themselves.  Mr.  Faull  was  "  equal  to  the 
occasion"  :  he  promptly  pulled  down  the  ladder 
which  was  their  only  means  of  escape.  They  put 
out  that  fire.  For  this  heroic  act  of  his,  Mr.  Faull 
has  received  much  tardy  commendation  in  the 
newspapers,  but  the  men  owed  him  some  kind  of 
prompt  recognition.  They  should  have  gone  to 
him  in  a  body,  expressed  their  high  admiration  of 
his  superior  nerve  and  shot  him. 

Ambeose  Bieiice. 


THE    WASP 


WOOD    ENGRAVING. 


San  Francisco,  January,  13, 1883. 

Editok  of  the  Wasp:— It  seems  odd  that  there  are 
people  of  remarkably  bright  minds  who  constantly  essay 
to  appear  superior  in  the  very  judgment  wherein  they  are 
most  deficient.  The  figure  of  a  great  comedian,  with  the 
ever-present,  never-satisfied,  longing  for  tragedy  is  not 
more  grotesque  than  the  confused  art-strabismus  of  a  man 
of  letters.  The  journalists  who  has  erected  for  himself 
some  pedantic  pre -Raphael  ite  standard  for  lines ;  the 
litterateur  who  looks  upon  suggestive  treatment,  as  he 
would  upon  imperfect  tj'pe-work ;  the  reviewer  who  scans 
a  picture  orthographically,  are  cases  in  point.  Anent  your 
last  criticism  of  the  St.  Nicholas  illustrations,  and  the 
tendency  of  American  vood-en graving,  the  above  ideas 
rise  involuntarily.  Had  your  reviewer  confined  himself 
to  criticising  the  propriety  of  publishing  the  efforts  of 
amateurs,  dilletanti  and  tyros  instead  of  assailing  new 
methods  and  original  treatments,  there  would  be  no  occa- 
sion for  this  screed. 

It  is  because  he  shows  by  his  remarks  a  non-apprecia- 
tion of  the  very  quality  which  elevated  wood-engraving 
to  the  high  artistic  position  which  it  occupies  at  present ; 
because  he  endeavors  to  discourage  efforts  to  follow  in  the 
path  of  improvement  by  dwelling  upon  points  of  artistic 
excellence,  intent  upon  proving  them  inartistic,  gaudy 
and  cheap  effects  ;  it  is  because  he  affects  such  a  superior 
air  that  I  inflict  myself  upon  you. 

It  is  not  such  a  bad  quality,  that  of  hyper-criticism,  for 
it  makes  a  critical  mind  a  conditition  ;  one  cannot  be 
hypercritical  without  first  being  critical,  but  the  difference 
between  the  two  conditions  is  the  breadth  of  judgment  of 
the  one,  and  the  corresponding  narrowness  of  the  other. 

Stigmatizing  delicacy  of  lines,  as  timidity  and  consider- 
ing regularity  as  boldness,  is  not  justifiable  upon  princi- 
ples of  art  criticism,  they  being  simply  the  result  of 
individual  feeling  and  treatment.  There  may  be  styles  of 
equal  artistic  merit,  the  one  vague  and  sketchy,  the  other 
pronounced  and  elaborate,  and  the  critic  will  have  to 
judge  not  by  the  treatment,  but  by  the  general  standard 
of  artistic  value.  The  diversity  of  subjects  would  neces- 
sitate a  variety  of  handling ;  thus  an  atmospheric  effect 
would  not  be  generally  produced  by  the  same  treatment 
which  is  accorded  to  high  lights.  And  yet  for  the  sake  of 
effectiveness  the  artist  may  use  the  same  handling  to  ex- 
press either  or  both.  What  seems  to  worry  your  reviewer 
particularly  is  the  attempt  of  engravers  to  express  more 
than  a  mere  black  and  white  print.  It  is  like  the  hungry 
man  who  is  served  with  roast  beef  and  potatoes  when  he 
only  expected  a  cold  potatoe. 

Why  should  wood-engraving  not  be  made  the  vehicle 
for  familiarising  the  differences  between  an  etching  and  an 
oil  sketch  ?  Why  should  the  one  branch  of  printing 
which  admits  of  individuality  be  circumscribed  by  the 
cast-iron  rules  of  typography  ?  Why  grudge  the  public 
the  only  means  to  generalize  and  diffuse  a  knowledge  of 
the  difference  in  artistic  treatment  ? 

Reproductions  of  real  works  of  art  by  the  process  of 
wood-engraving  perform  exactly  the  opposite  function  of 
reproductions  by  chromo-lithography.  A  chromo,  if  ever 
so  faithful  to  the  original,  both  in  color  and  drawing, 
never  fails  to  cheapen  the  effect,  and  always  bears  the 
pinch  beck  spuriousness,  the  brazen  effrontery  of  a  sham 
upon  its  face,  while  the  print  from  a  wood  engraving  of 
the  modern  school  is  simply  the  gray  dream  of  an  artistic 
memory  which  reflects  the  mood  of  an  impression  in  so 
suggestive  a  manner  that  the  imagination  is  animated, 
and  all  of  truly  artistic  value  becomes  appreciable  by  be- 
holding the  copy. 

The  efforts  of  American  publishers  who  have  given  that 
branch  of  art  so  much  encouragement  that  the  American 
wood-engraving  of  to-day  takes  first  rank  among  the  art- 
productions  of  the  world,  is  worthy  of  the  highest  com- 
mendation; and  I  trust  that  you  will  grant  the  publica- 
tion of  this  slight  tribute  from  one  who  has  derived  so 
much  pleasure  in  observing  its  progress. 

M.  T. 


We  insert  this  letter,  not  because  it  has  any  intrinsic 
value— except  in  so  far  as  by  a  study  of  its  opening  sen- 
tences the  ill-bred  may  perfect  themselves  in  impolite- 
ness— but  because  it  is  a  capital  example  of  the  loose 
thinking  and  random  expression  peculiarly  characteristic 
of  the  art-afflicted  mind.  This  writer  is  no  doubt  honest 
and  tries  to  mean  what  he  thinks  he  thinks,  but  all  that 
he  makes  clear  is  that  he  "  feels"  that  an  attack  has  been 
made  upon  the  extremest  (and  therefore  sacredest)  devel- 
opment of  the  latest  (and  therefore  wisest)  sweet  thing  in 
art.     To  such  minds  as  that  of  our  correspondent  the 


passing  moment,  be  it  occupied  with  whatever  new  method 
in  painting,  engraving,  etching  or  what-not,  is  the  cus- 
todian of  the  wisdom  of  the  centuries.  No  transient 
abomination  can  spring  up  and  obtain  the  currency  that 
goeth  before  a  fall  into  the  dust-bin  without  commanding 
their  entii'e  approval  and  being  "  hailed"  as  "  a  creation." 
This  gentleman  would  no  doubt  unhesitatingly  approve 
that  sum  of  all  art-villainies,  the  modern  French  school  of 
drawing,  with  its  blotches,  dots  and  gobs  of  black,  its 
opaque  shadows,  its  random  scratches  and  "suggestive" 
omissions  of  those  parts  which  uninstructed  nature  has 
seen  fit  to  accentuate — a  spectacle  for  gods  and  men  and  a 
candidate  for  the  laughter  of  posterity.  Happily  he 
would  not  be  able  to  formulate  the  grounds  of  his  devo- 
tion :  ideas  incapable  of  expression  must  seek  it  darkly  in 
terms  incapable  of  definition.  So  almost  universal  is  the 
incapacity  of  the  understanding  "  artistically"  inclined  to 
manifest  its  vagaries  that  when  some  man  like  Ruskin  or 
Hamei'ton  arises,  who  to  the  accident  of  writing  on  art 
adds  the  mere  capacity  of  expression,  he  is  considered  a 
prodigy  of  knowledge,  simply  because  he  knows  the  mean- 
ing of  words,  and  is  not  compelled  to  discuss  one  art  in 
the  terms  of  another.  By  way  of  illustrating  the  typical 
irrelevancy  of  our  correspondent's  criticism,  we  append 
the  remarks  he  criticises  : 

The  Century  and  St.  Nicholas  for  January  have  been 
awaiting  notice  for  some  time.  Both,  as  regards  their 
letter-press,  are  excellent  in  their  different  ways,  but  we 
begin  to  tire  of  the  smoothness,  prettiness  and  delicacy  of 
their  wood  engraving.  Without  any  disposition  to  under- 
rate the  substantial  superiority  of  the  wood  engraving  of 
to-day  over  that  of  ten  years  ago,  we  protest  that  the 
"  revival"  has  gone  about  as  far  as  it  can  affoi'd  to  go  on 
the  lines  laid  down  for  it,  and  there  is  great  danger  that 
the  strength  and  spirit  of  the  art  will  be  refined  away  un- 
less a  halt  is  called  soon. 

Had  our  correspondent  answered  this  awful  judgment 
of  our  wicked  book-reviewer  by  the  statement  that 
"  Humpty  dumpty  is  an  abracadabra,"  we  submit  that 
his  letter  would  have  had  greater  relevancy  and  quite  as 
much  common  sense. 


THAT    PICTURE. 

Editor  of  the  Wasp  :  Sir— You  have  inadvertently 
fallen  into  an  error  in  regard  to  my  picture,  "  The  Last 
Spike."  It  was  never  in  possession  of  Governor  Stanford, 
and  therefore  he  could  not  under  any  circumstances  have 
sent  it  back  to  me.  He  never  advised  the  introduction  of 
Gen.  Colton's  portrait,  nor  did  he  in  any  manner  suggest 
that  it  should  be  painted  out.  I  did  that  entirely  of  my 
own  accord  three  years  ago  when  I  learned  that  Gen. 
Colton  was  not  present  at  the  laying  of  the  last  rail,  and 
was  not  connected  with  the  affairs  of  the  Central  Pacific 
till  several  years  after  that  event.  The  picture  was  only 
intended  to  include  persons  connected  with  the  Central  or 
Union  Pacific  railroads  at  the  time  of  the  occurrence, 
and  among  them,  for  this  reason,  Gen.  Colton  could  not 
appropriately  have  a  place.     Very  respectfully, 

Thomas  Hill. 

San  Francisco,  Jan.  17,  1SS3. 


"We  fancy  Mr.  Hill  painted  out  Colton  in  order  to  sell 
the  picture  to  Stanford.     That  it  ? 


TO    CORRESPONDENTS. 


G.  B.  G.— Too  late  for  this  week.     "Will  see  about  it. 

Daniel  Fohman,  Madison  Square  Theater,  New  York.— 
You  surprise  us !  We  would  have  laid  odds  it  would 
not  succeed.  We  will  lay  odds  you  will  not— in  getting 
a  free  advertisement  from  us. 

"Dream  of  Love." — If  in  "looking  over  the  papers  of 
a  diseased  friend "  you  could  find  nothing  better  than 
this,  you  must  be  almost  sorry  he  was  taken  sick. 

Jb\  A.  G. — Awfully  nice  compliment.  What  can  you 
want  ? 

Jemima  Spugoins. — We  like  you  for  a  contributor.  Your 
prudence  in  the  matter  of  your  real  name,  if  you  have 
one,  and  your  thrift  in  respect  of  pen  and  ink  spare  us 
the  trouble  of  reading  your  articles. 

A.  H.— Hate  you.     Bet  anything  you  are  a  woman. 


VEREIN    EINTRACHT    BALL. 

The  Committee  having  in  charge  the  Grand  Masquerade 
to  be  given  under  the  auspices  of  the  Verein  Eintracht, 
are  making  every  preparation  to  have  it  the  best  appoint- 
e  I  of  any  heretofore  given  by  this  popular  Society.  It 
will  take  place  at  the  Mechanics'  Pavillion  on  Saturday, 
February  10th.  See  advertisement  in  next  issue  of  the 
Wasp. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  0.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


iKPPtNE^N^jORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

Wo  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equaUed  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  thia  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
"  E?&  THIS  distressing  c< 
=  Ei w  ■  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
Btrensthens  the  -weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and' medicines  have  before  failed. 

C3TTf  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 


PRICE  SI.  I  USE 


KIDNEY- WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

la  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  M\NHooD,  and  all  the  evil  effects  ot 
yuuthful  follies  and  ex^css-B. 

lilt.  D1MIK,  who  la  n  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  the  University  or  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  forfeit  Five  llumli-  <1  Dollars  Tor 
ac.iseofthektnd  the  VITAL  It  1  sjoil  I  1 1 VE 
(uueier  his  special  ndvioo  ami  truatmc"'.)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  the 
quantity,  S10.  Sent  to  any  address,  confi- 
dentially, by  A.  K.  MINTIK.  M.  D-,  No.  II 
Kearnv  Street,  S.  F.     Send  f"r  pamphlet. 

S  A  ill1 1,1'.  BUTTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  si-mpt-ms, 
"v  iliuI  nan     Rtrinf,  MHfrcnv  In  <-ll  iranminl.lont 


CONSUMPTION        CURED ! 

A   Good    Family    Remedy, 

STRICTLY       PURE, 

Harmless    1  o     ( Ite    most    del ieate  ! 

By  its  faithful  use  CONSUMPTION  has  been  CURED 

when  other  Remedies  and  Physicians  have  failed 

to  effect  a  cure. 

Jeremiah  Wright,  of  Marion  County,  \V.  Va.,  writes 
us  that  his  wife  had  Pulmonary  Consumption,  and  was 
pronounced  INCURABLE  by  their  physician,  when  the  use 
of  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  entirely  cured  her.  He  writes 
that  he  and  his  neighbors  think  it  the  best  medicine  in  the 
world. 

Wm.  C.  Diggins,  Merchant  of  Bowling  Green,  Va., 
writes  April  4,  1881,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  has  cured  his  mother  of  consumption,  after 
the  physicians  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He  says 
others  knowing  her  case  have  taken  the  Balsam  and  been 
cured  ;  he  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a  trial. 

Dr.  MEREDITH,  Dentist,  of  Cincinnati,  was  thought  to 
be  in  the  last  Stages  of  Consumption  and  was  induced 
by  his  friends  to  try  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  after  the  form- 
ula was  shown  him.  We  have  his  letter  that  it  at  once 
cured  his  cough  and  that  he  was  able  to  resume  his  prac- 
tice. 

Wm.  A.  Graham  &  Co.,  Wholesale  Druggists,  Zanes- 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  of  Mathias  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bronchitis 
in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung  Balsam 
cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others,  of  Bronchitis. 

It  is  harmless  to  the  most  delicate  child  ! 

It  contains  no  Opium  in  any  form  ! 
Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has   given  it  a  good  trial.      IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun  the  use  of  all 
remedies  without  merit  and  an  established  reputation. 
As  an  Expectorant  it  has  no  Equal ! 

Sold    by  all   Medicine  Dealers. 


SSP  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervousand  Physical  DabilUy,  Vital  Ex- 
ha  us  t  ion,  Weakness,  Loss  ul  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or  C.   D.   SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms ana    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential. 


3  0    DAYS'    TRIAL    FREE  ! 

We  send  free  on  30  days'  trial  Dr.  Dye's  Klectro-Voltaic 
Belts  and  other  electric  appliances  to  Men  suffering 
from  Nervous  Debility,  Lost  Vitality  and  Kindred 
Troubles.  Also  for  Itlieauinntisiu,  Liver  and  Kidney 
Troubles,  and  many  other  diseases.  Speedy  uirea  guaran- 
teed.    Illustrated  pamphlets  free.     Address 

VOLTAIC  KELT  CO.,  Marshall,  MieJi. 


<<riRST    NIGHT    OUT."    New  comic  set  of  cards  and  price-list 
r     mailed  on  receipt  of  10c.     WHITING,  SO  Nassau  Street, 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terras  and  £5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  HalLkt  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


THE     WASP. 


A     FAULTY     LAW. 


Mr.  James  Wilson,  the  head  malefactor  of   the 
oleomargarine  iniquity,  professes  himself  favorable 

to  the  law  regulating  the  manufacture  and  sale  of 
his  wares,  and  in  this  we  give  him  credit  for  sin- 
cerity.     In  order  to  Bhow  what  kind  of  a  law  it  is, 
d   hmv    easy  it  is  to   drive   a   coach    and    four 
lOUght  it  in  any  direction,  we  present  it  here: 

i  At  t.i  Prevent  Fraud  and  Deception  in  tin-  Manufac- 
ture and  Sale  of  Butter  ami  Cheese.  Approved 
March  2,  1881. 


"Justice,  your  Honor  !"  exclaimed  a  legal  comet 
in  one  of  his  eccentric  perorations,  "is  not  like 
the  fabulatcd  Briareus  of  old,  whose  eyes  were  as 
multiplical  as  the  sands  of  the  sea,  nor  yet  like  the 
famed  Cyclops  whose  eyes  perforated  only  the 
arena  of  coming  futurity,  hut  like  the  sportive 
demonstration  of  *  blind  man's  bufl','  she  pursues 
her  way  unseeing  and  unseen,  holding  the  steel- 
yards that  weigh  with  coeval  vicissitudes  the  carats 
of  gold  and  the  carrots  of  horticulture,  and  know- 
ing no  north,  no  south,  no  east,  no  west  1"— Bjhifl 
Sentin*  I. 


'J'/"  /'<■■/,/.  of  tin  StaU  of  California,  represented  in  Senatt 
•in-/  Ass<  mhhi,  do  •  nact  as  follows: 
Sei  iioN  1.  Whosoever  manufactures,  sells,  or  offers 
Egr  sale,  or  causes  tin.-  same  to  Ijl-  id  me,  any  substance  pur- 
porting to  be  butter  ur  ehuese,  whieh  Mth»tance  is  not 
made  wholly  from  pure  cream  and  milk,  unless  the  same 
!.._■  manufactured  under  its  true  ami  appropriate  name, 
And  unless  each  package,  roll  or  parcel  of  sueh  substance, 
And  each  vessel  containing  one  or  mure  packages  of  such 
mibstanee,  has  distinctly  and  durably  painted,  stamped, 
-or  marked  thereon,  in  English,  the  true  and  appropriate 
name  of  such  substance,  in  ordinary  bold-face  capital  let- 
ters, not  less  than  five  lines  pica,  shall  be  punished  as 
[in",  ided  in  Section  3  of  this  Act. 

Si  i.  '_'.  Whosoever  shall  sell  any  such  substance  as  is 
mentioned  in  Section  1  of  this  Act,  or  causes  the  same  to 
be  done,  without  having  on  each  package,  roll,  or  parcel 
so  sold,  a  label  attached  thereto,  on  which  is  plainly  and 
jfligibly  printed  in  English,  in  Roman  letters,  the  true  and 
appropriate  name  of  such  substance,  shall  be  punished  as 
is  provided  in  Section  3  of  this  Act. 

SEC.  3.  Whosoever  shall  violate  Section  1  or  Section  2 
of  this  Act,  shall  be  guilty  of  a  misdemeanor,  and  shall 
1  > ■  -  Mm  ;d  in  any  sum  not  less  than  $10,  nor  more  than  $500, 
or  imprisoned  in  the  County  Jail  not  less  than  10  nor 
more  than  1)0  days,  or  by  both  such  tine  and  imprison- 
ment, in  the  discretion  of  the  Court;  provided,  that 
nothing  contained  in  this  Act  shall  be  construed  to  pre- 
vent the  use  of  skimmed  milk,  salt,  rennet,  or  harmless 
coloring  matter  in  the  manufacture  of  butter  and  cheese. 
Sec.  4.  AH  Acts  and  parts  of  Acts  in  conflict  with  the 
pi"\  Isiona  of  this  Act  are  hereby  repealed. 

Sec.  "».  Th's  Act  shall  taked  effect  on  and  after  its 
passage. 

The  defects  of  this  law  are  obvious.  It  is  a  law 
against  selling  oleomargarine  as  butter,  not  against 
Serving  it.  The  whole  wording  of  it  shows  that  the 
Legislature  had  in  mind  not  the  business  of  the 
hotel-keeper  and  restaurateur,  but  the  business  of 
the  manufacturer  and  grocer.  It  is  true  that  serv- 
ing butter  at  a  restaurant  is,  in  a  Bense,  selling  it ; 
although  that  view  of  the  transaction  may  be  con- 
troverted by  the  fact  that  no  charge  is  made  for 
butter  at  any  restaurant ;  and  it  is  extremely  un- 
likely that  any  Court  would  hold,  say  Mr.  Alexan- 
der Sharon,  of  the  Palace  Hotel,  to  accountability 
as  a  seller  of  butter.  To  conspicuously  mark  by 
label  or  stamp,  in  the  manner  contemplated  by  this 
law,  each  pat  of  butter  served  at  a  hotel,  restau- 
rant or  boarding  house  table  is  clearly  impractica- 
ble, and  was  as  clearly  never  intended  to  be  re- 
quired by  the  authors  of  this  law.  This  is  a  matter 
that  needs  amending;  oleomargarine  does  its  mis- 
chief in  all  kinds  of  places — wherever  people  eat — 
but  it  is  at  the  hotels  and  restaurants  that  its  use 
as  butter  should  be  chiefly  guarded  against  by  law. 
An  immensely  large  proportion  of  our  people 
habitually  board  at  these  places — a  larger  propor- 
tion than  in  any  other  of  the  world's  cities,  and 
they  have  rights  which  their  caterers  should  be 
made  to  respect. 

Hotels,  restaurants  and  boarding  houses  where 
oleomargarine  is  used  should  be  compelled  to  post 
up  conspicuously  notices  to  that  effect.  This  would 
ruin  their  business,  it  is  granted,  but  it  ought  to 
be  ruined.  Stringent  penalties  should  be  provided 
for  bettering  the  morals  of  those  caught  serving  it 
to  customers  without  displaying  the  required  dan- 
ger signal.  At  many  places  where  it  is  not  served 
at  table  it  is  used  in  the  kitchen ;  so  it  would  be 
well  to  make  the  mere  having  it  on  the  premises  a 
misdemeanor  in  those  who  do  not  tiy  the  bull  but- 
ter flag. 

Granting  that  the  dislike  of  oleomargarine  is  a 
mere  senseless  prejudice  (though  we  think  we 
showed  last  week  that  it  is  not)  yet  no  good  pur- 
pose can  be  served  by  depriving  thousands  of  peo- 
ple who  feel  that  way  of  genuine  butter.  That  is 
what  the  oleomargarine  sharks  have  done,  practi- 
cally, for  he  is  a  bold  man  who  to-day  dares  to 
lubricate  his  swallow  with  anything  set  before  him 
as  butter  in  a  hotel  or  restaurant  in  San  Fran- 
cisco. 

It  is  to  be  hoped  that  some  member  of  the  Legis- 
lature will  take  this  matter  up  and  introduce  a  bill 
for  the  amendment  of  the  present  loosely  drawn 
and  wholly  inadequate  law.  It  would  be  a  popular 
measure,  and  would  endear  its  author  to  every  man 
who  can  afford  to  keep  a  stomach. 


A  citizen  of  Austin,  who  has  been  traveling  in 
Europe  for  the  past  year,  returned  not  long  since, 
and  he  is  surprised  at  the  changes  that  have  taken 
place  during  his  absence.  In  talking  with  a  friend 
about  the  changes,  the  returned  traveler  asked : 
"Is  Miss  Esmeralda  Chase  still  engaged  to  young 
Conkling?"  "No,  the  engagemedt  is  broken  off. " 
"You  don't  say  so?  How  ^id  that  happen?" 
( '  Well,  you  see  they  got  married  six  months  ago. 
That  broke  off  the  engagement." — Tesas  Siftings. 


Nervous  debility,  the  curse  of  the  American  people,  im- 
mediately yields  to  the  action  of  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


A  NOTEI>  HUT  UNTITLED  WOMAN. 

[From  tlio  Boston  Globe.] 


Messrs.  Editors : — 

The  above  is  a  good  likeness  of  Mrs.  LydlaE.  Pink- 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mass.,  who  above  all  other  human  beings 
may  be  truthfully  called  the  ''Dear  Friend  of  Woman," 
as  some  of  her  correspondents  love  to  call  her.  She 
is  zealously  devoted  to  her  work,  which  is  the  outcome 
of  a  life-study,  and  is  obliged  to  keep  six  lady 
assistants,  to  help  her  answer  the  large  correspondence 
which  daily  pours  in  upon  her,  each  bearing  its  special 
burden  of  suffering,  or  joy  at  release  from  it.  Her 
Vegetable  Compound  Is  a  medicine  for  good  and  not 
evil  purposes.  I  have  personally  Investigated  it  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

On  account  of  Its  proven  merits.  It  Is  recommended 
and  prescribed  by  thebest  physicians  in  the  country. 
One  says :  "  It  works  like  a  charm  and  saves  much 
pain.  It  will  cure  entirely  the  worst  form  of  falling 
of  the  uterus,  Leucorrhcea,  irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation,  aU  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
Ulceration,  Floodlngs,  alt  Displacements  and  the  con- 
sequent spinal  weakness,  and  is  especially  adapted  to 
the  Change  of  Life." 

It  permeateB  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  vigor.  It  removes  faintness,  flatulency, 
destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervous  ProBtration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Impression  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down,  causing  pain,  weight  and  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  It  will  at  all  times,  and 
under  aU  circumstances,  act  in  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  81.  per  bottle  or  six  for  $5.,  and  is  Bold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  required  as  to  Bpeclal  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  stamp  for  reply, 
at  her  home  in  Lynn,  Mass. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compound  is 
unsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonials  show. 

"Mrs.  Pinkham's  Liver  Pills,"  says  one  writer,  "are 
the  best  in  Vie  tcorld  for  the  cure  of  Constipation, 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  livei.  Her  Blood 
Purifier  works  wonders  in  its  special  line  and  bids  fair 
to  equal  the-Compound  in  its  popularity. 

All  mustfrespect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  is  to  do  good  to  others. 
Philadelphia,  Pa.  (2)  Mrs. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1881 
59,182  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1882.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  I  huh  ii  I'luitic  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

—   ■♦  ^  -♦ 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rosa 
Flour,  mode  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
Btreete,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L,  Cook  & 
Co.,  comer  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


.  M.D. 


Catarrh,  Wlpoopiiig- 

t'oiigli,  Loss  or  Voice.  Inclpieui  Coiisiuu|>liuii,  and  a 
Throat  ami  Lung  Troubles. 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOR    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AN©    TAKE    NO     OTHER.        Price,    50    Cents. 

J.R.GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists, Prop'rs. 

417  Saiisome  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  s.  if. 


TO     THE     UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£*  O  O  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
\^y  <<**  £j  Francisco— Established 
in  1864  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  LostManhood,  la- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  In  need 
of  his  services.  DE.  GIBBON  will 
--"  i  mi  In'  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
Persons  at^'dTstance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  reaonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 

DEALERS   IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome   Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


MAKE   HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


The 


House   Decorating  Done  in  the   Highest  Style  of  Art. 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok   COLOR. 


LOOK        OM        THIS        PICTURE- 


THEN        ON        THIS 


10 


THE     WASP. 


WHISKIES! 


To  the  Trade. 

We  beg  to  call  attention  to  the  following  full  lines  of 
well-known  brands  of  Rye  and  Bourbon  : 

BOOCBON. 

NELSON.... .■ Fall  79 

MILLER.  C.  C January,  '81 

LEXINUTON Spring  '80 

REDMOND Spring'  80 

L.  VANHOOK Spring  'SO 

E.  C.  BERRY,  Sour  Mash Fall  79 

MONARCH,  Sour  Mash Spring  'SO 

WILOW  RUN Fall  79 

KVE. 

HORSEY .".Spring  79  and  '80 

NELSON Spring  79 

SHERWOOD Spring  79 

MONTICELLO : .  .Spring  '80 

MILLER .Spring  '80 

Agents  for  bonded  goods  from  several  distilleries.    Sole 
Agents  for 

I  riolpho  Wolfe's  Seliiertnm  Arouiatie  Schnapps. 
Daniel  Lawrence  and  .Son's  Hertford  Kiuii. 

Willow  Springs  Distilling  t'o.'s  Spirits  and 
Alcohol. 
Kennedy's  East   India    Hitters. 
For  sale  to  the  trade  in  lots  to  suit. 

WM     T.    COLEMAN    &    CO., 

Corner  Market  and  Main  Streets. 

SAN  FRANCISCO. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


CALIFORNIA 

Safe  Deposit 

AND   

Trust  Company 

33«    >iovn;«mi:iti    STREET, 
San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Dl  R  E  C  TO  RS  : 
J.  D.  FRY,  G.  K  BRADLEY, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT, 


SAMUEL  DAVIS, 
LLOYD  TEYIS, 
HEXRY  WADSWORTH, 


NICHOLAS  LINING, 
F.  H.  WOODS, 
CHARLES  MAIN, 
I.  G.  WICKERSHAM, 


JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

J.   I>.    FRY President 

C.    R.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Treasurer 

WM.   CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

DEPOSITS  RECEIVED  SUBJECT  TO  CHECK.  In- 
terest allowed  on  money  deposited  for  sixty  days  or  longer. 

This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities.  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  colleetiens  and  remit- 
tances, purchase  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money,  Exchange,  etc. 
Euv  and  sell  securities,  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Rent  of  safes  in  Safe  Deposit  vaults  from  §2  to  $20  per  month, 
and  from  $12  to  $200  yer  year. 


;  ' -  'HEMRV    TIETJEN. 

'.U.HENSY  AHRENS.ycJo.v.  'tH.-V.BORSTEL. 


A;.-.;.;  "l4e.0i-l434-."Sfe"'PiNE  ST  NEAR  POLK 


Moiris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  2i   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  £5TThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  SS  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  §5.  Board,  per  week,  $4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  S3T  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


OLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER    Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
ereases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  S3f  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hah-  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ilSTPrepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co. ,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  AST  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 


GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
JtSTOne  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


GW.  CHESLEY,  51  FRONT  STREET,  SACRA- 
mento,  Cal.,  importer  and  wholesale  liquor  dealer, 
1  sole  agents  for  the  genuine  Rock  and  Rye,  Maple 
Rum  and  the  famous  Cundurango  Bitters. 


HWACHHOEST  (Signof  theTownClock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
*  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  SS'  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 


LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
CaL,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
'  Organs.  A  complete%tock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
B£T  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer   of   Carraiges    and    Carriage   Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     83TA.  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  &5T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  $12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR   "  SPEERY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  iJSTThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    {SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  0.  Box,  312.     S&  Send  for  price  list. 

EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  85  to  86.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £2T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  33T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Cajne,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

C.   SHAW.    PLOW  WORKS.     DEALER   IN 

Agricultural    Implements,     Randolph     Headers, 

•     Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 

Hardware,  etc.,  etc.     Office  and  warerooras,  201  and  203 

El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  £3T Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 

TOCKTON    SAVINGS  AND    LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid   up    capital,   §500,000.      Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.     Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.     Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.     Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.     L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 

HE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  nf  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 

WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


DIVIDEND   NOTICE. 

THE  GERMAN  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
For  the  half  year  ending  December  31st,  lSS2,the  Board 
of  Directors  of  The  German  Savings  and  Loan  Society 
has  declared  a  dividend  on  Term  Deposits  at  the  rate  of 
four  and  thirty-two  one-hundredths  (4  32-100)  per  cent, 
per  annum,  and  on  Ordinary  Deposits  at  the  rate  of  three 
and  six-tenths  (3  6-100)  per  cent,  per  annum,  free  from 
Federal  Taxes,  and  payable  on  and  after  the  2d  day  of 
January,  1883.     By  order. 

GEO.     LETTE,  Secretary. 


I  have  a  positive  re- 
medy for  the  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Its  use  tuous- 
of   the 


CONSUMPTION 

worst  kind  and  of  longstanding  have  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
is  my  faith  In  Its  efflcacv,  that  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  on  this  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCUil,  181  Pearl  Sl.,  N.Y. 

QE   4*/"v    QtOfl  ^ler  ^a^  a^  home.     Samples  worth  §5  free. 


$72 


Address  Stiksox  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


A  WEEK.     512  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


THE    WASP. 


ii 


CHEMISTRY    AND    ADULTERATIONS, 


I 


In  preceding  articles  we  have  endeavored  to  show 
what  sort  of  unwholesome  ingredients  and  disgust- 
ing compounds  are  sold  as  a  Bubstitute  for  butter. 
The  misleading  representations  and  unsubstantiated 
assertions  of  the  manufacturers  of  oleomargarine, 
who  endeavor  to  prove  that  their  product  is  whole- 
some, that  their  compound  contains  all  the  ingre- 
dients uf  genuine  butter,  that  their  process  of  man- 
ufacturing eliminates  all  objectionable  features,  are 
Quite  as  spurious  as  the  article  which  they  attempt 
to  .-t-ll  fur  consumption.  When  they  assert  that 
beef-fat,  tallow  or  suet  contains  elements  identical 
with  butter  made  from  cream,  they  state  what  is 
not  true.  Their  process  of  manufacture  itself  is  a 
direct  refutation.  After  winning  an  oleagenous 
substance  from  tallow,  they  find  it  necessary  in 
order  to  give  it  the  semblance  of  a  butter-taste  to 
add  20  percent,  of  milk,  whereas  if  tallow-oil  were 
really  btityrine  there  would  be  no  necessity  for 
milk  to  flavor  it  with.  Every  chemist,  every  medi- 
cal practitioner  knows,  and  all  people  of  common 
sense  cannot  doubt  it,  that  the  fat  of  mammalia  is 
no  more  like  butter  than  the  tissues  of  these  ani- 
mals are  like  the  vegetable  which  they  feed  upon. 
The  process  of  deglutition  and  digestion  which  dis- 
integrates the  milk  wherewith  the  calf  is  nourished, 
results  in  chemical  changes  at  which  the  different 
functions  uf  the  organism  actively  assist,  and  the 
fluid  food  thus  changed  into  various  organic  solids. 
Blood,  mucus,  tissue,  fat  and  bones,  all  originate 
from  that  first  form  of  mammalian  nourishment. 
Milk  contains  therefore  an  admixture  of  all  these 
organisms  combined,  and  not  a  single  one  of  the 
above  organisms  contains  all  the  elements  which 
constitute  milk. 

In  other  words,  milk  which  has  passed  through 
the  laboratory  of  the  digestive  organs  cannot  be 
led  back  to  its  original  properties  by  conversion  of 
one  of  its  chemical  changes.  It  may  be  urged  that 
milk  is  not  butter.  We  reply  that  all  that  is  not 
water  and  fibre  in  milk  is  butter.  Oleomargarine 
as  a  substitute  for  cooking-fats  would  not  be  so  ob- 
jectionable, if,  as  in  England,  the  industry  were 
under  the  direct  supervision  of  the  authorities, 
who  watch  attentively  that  no  impure  or  tainted 
matter  is  used.  Here  where  there  is  no  limit  to 
the  vile  quality  of  the  material  used  for  its  man- 
facture,  except  the  selfishly  mercenary  "motive  to 
furnish  an  article  which  will  sell  at  a  profit,  the 
consumer  has  no  warrant  as  to  the  wholesomeness 
or  fitness  of  the  raw  material  which  is  to  produce 
oleomargarine.  So  far,  our  efforts  have  been  di- 
rected solely  towards  the  deception  practised  by 
dealers  upon  consumers,  when  oleomargarine,  pure 
and  simple,  has  been  offered  for  sale  under  pretense 
of  being  "dairy  butter."  There  is,  however,  quite 
another  phase  of  the  business,  and  that  is  the  adul- 
teration of  genuine  butter  by  an  admixture  of  oleo- 
margarine, and  that  uf  cream  adulterated  with 
margarine  for  making  butter. 

Already  some  dairymen  have  been  found,  who 
are  corrupt  enough  to  be  blindtd  by  and  cupidity  use 
margarine  as  a  part  of  their  stock  in  trade.  The 
practice  is  not  a  new  one.  Holland  dairymen  have 
for  some  time  drawn  largely  upon  the  margarine 
factories  of  this  country  and  those  of  England 
for  their  supply  of  the  coveted  adulteration.  Since 
the  margarine  can  be  bought  for  about  15  to  17 
cents  per  pound,  and  butter  is  worth  about  double 
that  amount,  the  people  engaged  in  the  manufac- 
ture of  butter  derive  a  considerable  profit  from  the 
adulteration,  and  it  is  reasonable  to  suppose  will 
not  be  urged  by  any  conscientious  scruples  to  fore- 
go that  advantage. 

The  profit  from  adulteration  is  likely  to  outweigh 
any  other  consideration,  and  it  is  to  this  end  that 
we  feel  it  a  duty  to  urge  the  passage  of  a  law  which 
will  make  it  a  penal  offense  to  manufacture  oleo- 
margarine from  any  but  pure  fat,  and  to  punish 
j  any  attempt  to  conceal  the  disposition  made  of  the 
product.  It  should  become  the  duty  of  the  au- 
thorities to  superintend  the  manufacture  of  the 
article  and  its  disposal ;  and  any  one  engaged  in 
using  margarine  as  an  adulteration  of  butter-stock 
should  be  held  liable  under  the  law.  Milk  and  the 
different  products  which  have  milk  as  their  basis, 
are,  with  the  exception  of  eggs,  the  only  animal 
food  fit  for  human  consumption  which  are  not  won 
by  brutal  butchery  ;  and  to  taste  pure  dairy-pro- 
duce with  all  its  rich  fragrance  suggests  the  green 
pastures  and  the  gentle  creatures  who  banquet 
there  ;  the  meadow,  rich  in  clover,  the  cows  with 
their  beautiful  fawn-eyes  gazing  dreamily  upon  the 
intruding   stranger ;    the  limpid  pool  in  the  cool 


shade  of  the  oak,  with  groups  of  cattle  slaking 
their  thirst  ;  the  glorious  sunshine  flecking  the  lit- 
tle narrow  path  with  golden  leopard-spots,  as  it 
breaks  through  the  rifts  in  the  denss  foliage; 
nature  in  her  pastoral  moods,  when  her  influence 
is  most  soothing,  most  grateful,  most  beautiful. 

But  what  horrible  suspicions  crowd  our  thoughts 
at  the  idea  of  oleomargarine  !  How  repulsive  tin- 
notion  of  feeding  upon  the  distillment  of  offal  ! 
Revolting  suggestions  assail  us  and  tax  our  very 
courage  to  the  utmost  to  give  the  fraud-butter  room 
in  our  stomachs.  Does  it  contain  only  pure  tallow  ' 
and  is  it  such  tallow  as  soap  and  candles  are  made 
from?  My  dog  was  stolen  last  week;  am  I  par- 
taking of  some  of  his  substance  '.  A  horse  fell 
dead  upon  the  street,  and  I  saw  his  carcass  upon 
one  of  those  horrid  carts  dragged  to  the  public 
pound.  Is  it  possible  that  I  am  about  to  eat  some 
of  his  fat  f  They  tell  all  sorts  of  horrible  tales 
about  medical  men,  and  dissecting  rooms;  is  it 
possible  that  people  are  so  depraved  that  they 
would  dispose  of  human  remains  as  they  would  sell 
beef  \  Can  it  be  that  people  are  so  unscrupulous 
that  for  paltry  gain  they  would  have  us  cannibals  ? 

To  all  these  queries  rises  the  gaunt  skeleton  of 
distrust,  and  grins  and  chatters  a  soul-freezing  con- 
firmation which  shakes  our  faith  in  the  integrity  of 
mankind  until  our  entrails  twist  and  writhe  in  the 
agonizing  effort  to  forget  that  we  have  eaten  oleo- 
margarine ! 


THE    TREATY    AND    THE    LOBBY. 

The  latest  scheme  of  the  lobby  is  to  coerce  the 
Legislature  of  the  State  of  California  into  voting 
for  a  discontinuance  of  the  existing  Hawaiian 
treaty.  There  never  wes  a  more  bare-faced  scheme 
for  blackmail  attempted  by  any  lobby.  The  lobby- 
men  do  not  expect  any  vote  of  the  Legislature  in 
reality  ;  they  are  aware  that  the  common  sense  of 
the  people  would  forbid  their  representatives  to 
disapprove  of  a  measure  which  is  universally  recog- 
nised as  surpassingly  beneficial ;  they  know  full 
well  that  the  Legislature  is  largely  composed  of 
men  whose  intelligence  would  be  insulted  by  ask- 
ing their  votes  for  such  a  stupidly  wicked  measure. 
But  what  they  really  want  is  that  those  directly 
interested  in  a  renewal  of  this  treaty  with  the 
Hawaiian  Islands  should  make  a  bid  for  their  in- 
fluence ;  should  buy  off  their  opposition.  We  hope 
that  no  Democrat  will  so  far  forget  the  principles  of 
his  party  as  to  vote  against  any  measure  which 
tends  to  a  gradual  reduction  of  the  tariff.  The 
Hawaiian  treaty  is  such  a  measure.  It  provides  for 
the  import  free  of  duty  of  a  raw  produce — that  of 
sugar.  Since  that  treaty  first  went  into  effect  in 
1870  the  commercial  and  political  relations  between 
the  United  States  and  the  Hawaiian  Islands  have 
increased  in  such  proportions  that  the  amount  of 
goods  exported  directly  is  over  three  millions  per 
annum,  and  the  American  population  at  the  Islands 
numbers  7,500.  Such  a  result  is  more  than  en- 
couraging to  the  free-trader.  The  treaty  with 
Hawaii  will  be  held  up  as  an  example  of  the  wis- 
dom of  free-trade  in  raw  produce  at  least ;  its  ab- 
rogation would  be  a  triumph  for  the  high  tariff  men 
in  Congress.  Every  man  who  professes  interest  in 
California's  prosperity ;  every  citizen  who  desires 
that  our  State  occupy  the  position  which  its  geo- 
graphical position  entitles  it  to  ;  and  particularly 
eveiy  Democrat  who  respects  the  principles  upon 
which  he  has  been  elected,  must,  as  in  duty  bound, 
vote  for  a  continuance  of  the  Hawaiian  treaty. 

It  is  the  fashion  for  the  dramatic  critics  of  the 
dailies  to  make  a  good  deal  of  fua  of  the  donkey 
that  comes  on  the  stage  in  Michael  Strogoff.  Those 
gentlemen  are  short  sighted.  That  donkey  is  the 
precursor  of  the  drama  of  the  future,  and  we 
might  add  the  dramatist ;  for  it  is  now  the  business 
of  the  latter  to  write  up  to  donkeys,  dogs,  expert 
rifle  shots  and  athletic  females.  What  would 
Uncle  Tom's  Cabin  be  without  the  bloodhounds,  or 
Frank  Frayne's  border  drama  without  the  toothless 
lions  and  the  half-minute  crack  of  the  rifle  ?  Yet 
the  public  alone  is  to  blame  for  all  this  tomfoolery. 
Is  the  actor  to  go  hungry,  and  the  dramatist  go 
ragged  in  Quixotic  attempts  to  elevate  public  taste, 
when  they  know  that  any  nonsensical  jumble  of 
circus,  dog  fights  and  gymnasium  will  put  money 
in  their  purse  'i     We  should  hope  not. 


Since  the  Legislature  convened  in  Sacramento, 
the  San  Francisco  Sabbath  has  been  despoiled  of 
the   restful   and   sedate   characteristics  which   we 


have  been  accustomed  to  associate  witli  the  Lord's 
day,  The  reason  is  that  the  Saturday  night  trains 
from  the  State  Capital  bring  those  law-makers  to 
this  city,  and  the  stream  that  pours  through  the 
Market  street  ferry  exit  distributes  itself  in  bar- 
rooms and  hotel  halls,  elbows  honest  and  thirsty 
men  out  of  its  course  at  the  counters,  and  makes 
the  atmosphere  murky  with  a  cloud  of  legislative 
jokes  and  legislative  wisdom.  All  through  Satur- 
day night  this  gabble  goes  on,  nor  does  Sunday 
morning  bring  relief.  They  are  still  there,  in  the 
words  of  the  street  Arab,  "playing  upon  their 
chins,1'  and  very  dolorous  and  disagreeable  music 
it  is.  There  should  be  some  sort  of  a  nu-fence  law 
in  Sacramento  ;  some  effective  method  of  keeping 
those  fellows  within  the  bounds  of  that  slickens- 
afflicted  district.  Surely,  the  strong  waters  of  its 
bar-rooms  are  stimulatiug  enough,  but  still  those 
chuckle-headed  Solons  insist  upon  changing  their 
tap,  and  making  frantic  Saturday  night  and  Sun- 
day morning  attempts  to  create  a  whisky  famine  in 
San  Francisco. 


We  have  the  most  intense  admiration  for  the 
Bulletin's  profundity.  Its  essays  upon  the  new 
Charter,  since  that  document  was  laid  before  an 
appreciative  public,  are  marvels  uf  perspicacity. 
Gravely,  and  with  a  master  hand,  the  Bulletin 
editor  analyzes  the  new  Charter.  He  steers  his 
editorial  galley  over  this  mysterious  sea  of  ver- 
biage, and  with  the  fidelity  of  a  conscientious  ma- 
rine-surveyor anchors  a  buoy  here  to  mark  a  dan- 
gerous shoal,  and  plants  a  flag  there  as  a  warning 
of  some  treacherous  current.  The  most  remarkable 
thing  about  these  essays  is  that  they  are  conclusive 
evidence  that  the  Bulletin  editor  has  read  the  new 
Charter.  For  this  daring  feat  alone  he  is  entitled 
to  a  medal  for  valor.  But  as  we  only  give  medals 
in  this  country  for  target  shooting,  bruising,  saw- 
dust tramping  or  baking  powders,  the  worthy  man 
might  be,  as  a  reward  of  merit,  unchained  for  a 
few  hours  and  permitted  to  visit  his  family.  For 
we  understand  that  the  rules  of  the  Bulletin  office 
demand  that  no  commentator  on  the  new  Charter 
be  permitted  to  mingle  with  the  outside  world  least 
he  should  imbibe  prejudice  and  be  infected  with 
broad  minded,  and  therefore  non-BnUi-tin  views  of 
that  masterly  production. 


When  Dr.  Montague  Leverson  was  elected  to  the 
Legislature  by  an  intelligent  and  discriminating 
majority  of  his  fellow-citizens,  we  felt  confident 
that  the  Doctor  would  make  his  mark.  Dr.  Mon- 
tague Leverson,  from  circumstances  over  which  he 
has  had  no  control,  has  left  a  heap  of  talking  un- 
done during  the  past  three  years.  His  opportuni- 
ties for  opening  the  flood-gates  of  his  eloquence 
(the  Doctor  has  an  interesting  lisp)  has  been  surely 
and  sadly  limited.  True,  he  belongs  to  a  club,  but 
it  took  the  members  but  a  week  to  know  the  Doc- 
tor and  understand  his  mission.  Then  they  fled  at 
his  approach,  and  the  noble  stream  of  social 
science  and  philosophy  was  dammed  in  a  double 
sense.  But  now  there  stretches  before  the  gratified 
vision  of  Dr.  Montague  Leverson,  a  long  vista  of 
feet,  yards,  rods,  furlongs,  miles,  leagues  of  talk- 
ing to  be  done.  He  has  got  to  a  place  where  they 
must  hear  him,  and  we  make  no  mistake  when  we 
affirm  that  before  Dr.  Lontague  Leverson  gets  done 
with  that  Democratic  Legislature,  seven-eighths  of 
the  members  will  wish  that  they  had  never  been 
born,  or  being  born  had  entered  life  in  a  condition 
of  incurable  deafness. 


The  wily  boarding  Missus,  incited  thereto  by 
the  recent  hotel  fires,  when  she  wants  to  get  one 
straight  from  the  shoulder  in  on  the  opposition 
house,  designates  her  rival's  establishment  as  a 
"death-trap."  Alas,  death  in  the  San  Francisco 
boarding  house  does  not  always  come  in  the  shape 
of  a  destroying  angel  in  fiery  garments,  cutting  off 
with  a  flaming  sword  every  avenue  of  retreat.  It 
assumes  varied  and  more  insidious  forms.  It 
lingers  on  the  table  in  the  guise  of  buscuit,  half 
baked,  cloggy,  and  destructive  to  ordinary  diges- 
tion. It  peeps  from  behind  the  cruet-stand  in  the 
guise  of  bull  butter,  labeled  fresh  from  the  dairy. 
It  plays  hide  and  seek  about  the  corridors,  now  as 
sewer  gas,  and  again  pneumonia-laden  drafts. 
When  the  boarding  ladies  correct  all  these  evils, 
fire  or  escape  or  no,  they  will  enjoy  an  ample  and 
appreciative  patronage.  The  chances  of  getting 
burned  up  are  nothing  when  compared  to  the  daily 
enduranceof  the  other  abominations. 


12 


THE       WASP- 


SEASIDE    TAFFY. 

Wandered  a  youth  and  a  maiden  fair 
Over  the  sands  where  the  curling  waves 

Evei  their  foaming  frontlets  bear 
To  the  shore  which  the  boundless  ocean  laves. 

Winsome  and  sweet  was  the  girl,  I  ween, 
Lovingly  round  her  the  sunbeams  fell, 

Gilding  her  head  with  a  silken  sheen 
Then  flashing  away  on  the  ocean  swell. 

Little  we  reck  of  the  lover  tall 

Close  by  her  side  on  the  shelving  strand, 

Save  that  his  heart  was  her  bounden  thrall 
And  she  held  his  fate  in  her  small  white  hand. 

Lifting  a  shell  from  its  sandy  bed, 
"  Hark  to  its  murmaring  moan,"  said  he  ; 
"  Forever  and  ever  it  grieves,  'tis  said, 

For  its  silent  home  'neath  the  deep,  deep  sea  !  " 

Brushing  it  free  from  the  clinging  sand, 

Placing  it  close  to  her  dainty  ear, 
He  held  it  still  in  his  daring  hand. 

Never  a  sound  could  the  maiden  hear  ! 

"  Marvel  I  not  at  the  sea  shell's  freak, 

Hushing  its  sorrowful  strain,"  cried  he. 

"  Kissing  the  rose  on  my  fair  one's  cheek 

Why  should  it  mourn  for  its  native  sea  ?  " 


San  Francisco,  January  14,  1SS3. 


Btsshe. 


"THE     LOWING     HEARD," 


Pajaro,  Jan.  16, 1SS3. 
Dear     Mr.    Wasp  : — Thank  you.     Permit    me 
through  you  to  make  my  best  conge — is  that  Gaelic 
for  ;{  bow  "  1* — to  the  Legislature  of  this  State,  now 
in  session, 


Gentlemen  of  the  Legislature  :  I  arise,  sirs,  in  the 
cow- pasture,  to  say  that  real  butter  is  the  market- 
able form  of  green  grass.  The  coast  counties  of 
this  State,  as  well  as  parts  of  counties  not  coast, 
are  rich  in  green  grass,  which  is  for  sale  in  the 
form  of  butter.  The  industry  in  grass  is  an  im- 
portant one.  The  coast  counties  are  numerous  in 
votes.  Votes  elect.  Need  I  say  more  to  intelli- 
gent Legislators  1  You  will  be  called  upon  to  say, 
by  law,  whether  the  green  grass  industry  of  the 
coast  counties  of  this  State  shall  be  destroyed  by  a 
soap-grease  substitute  called  oleomargarine.  This 
oleomargarine  is  not  for  the  very  wealthy  few,  but 
for  the  poor  and  less  wealthy  many.  The  few  of 
great  wealth  and  "  proud  "  position  can  guard  with 
gold  the  gateways  of  their  gobs;  but  the  many — 
ah  !  the  many  for  votes  are  good  as  any— the  many 
must  spread  and  eat  that  which  is  set  before  them. 
Will  you,  0,  democratic,  anti-monopoly,  represent- 
ative gentlemen,  will  you — you  for  whom  the  toil- 
ing many  voted — will  you,  can  you,  dare  you, 
when  the  moiling  many  ask  you  for  the  nutty- 
flavored  extract  of  the  meadow,  set  before  them 
the  shameless  fraud  of  the  shambles  ?  No,  gentle- 
men, I  will  not  believe  it.  You  cannot  afford  the 
luxury  of  such  a  villainy.  Let  me  warn  you  that 
the  certificates  upon  which  you  now  sit  and  ad- 
journ from  day  to  day  must  come  back  to  the  peo- 
ple to  be  endorsed  by  the  voters  on  account  of 
posterity,  the  funeral  orator,  the  obituary  scribe 
and  the  tombstone  fiend.  You  stand  before  some- 
thing less  than  a  million  of  constituents,  barring  a 
few  thousand  Chinese  and  Major  McQuiddy.  The 
soul  of  the  departed  argonaut  (not  Pixley's)  looks 
down  upon  you  while  the  "milky  mothers  of  the 
meek-eyed  herd"  lookup  to  you.  Can  you  in  the 
impending  crack  of  this  crisis  weaken  ?  Fear  you 
to  take  a  bull-butter  monopoly  by  the  horns  ?  If 
so,  then  avaunt,  ye  braggarts.  Get  ye  gone,  ye 
blathering  promise-breakers.  But  if  ye  will  be 
true  to  the  many,  then  give  us  that  law  which  shall 
cause  all  oleomargarine  in  this  State  made  or  im- 
ported to  be  colored  ;  any  color  other  than  butter- 
color.  A  good  healthy  brown  color  will  answer  the 
purpose.  Then  add  to  that  law,  or  in  another  law 
put,  that  it  shall  be  a  heavily  punished  crime  for 
ally  dairyman,  middle-man,  merchant,  or  person 
whatever  to  offer  for  sale  any  butter  mixed  with 
oleomargaiine  or  other  part  or  quality  of  oil,  fat  or 
grease.  Oh,  sirs,  it  is  only  a  little  thing  for  which 
we  ask.  It  is  nothing  that  will  bankrupt  the 
abundance  of  your  great  wisdom.     We  do  not  ask 

*No  ;  it  means  bow-wow— Editor. 


for  a  special  cow-tail  commission,  as  the  viticultur- 
ists,  horticulturists  and  the  other  culturists  would 
ask  if  they  were  in  our  situation.  All  we  want  is 
law,  with  room  to  see  it  executed.  Such  a  law  is 
mercy.  Mercy  to  the  butter  producer  and  thrice 
mercy  to  the  consumer.  The  quality  of  mercy, 
sirs,  is  not  strained;  therefore,  give  us  no  skim- 
milk  statute  on  this  subject. 

If  Mr.  B.-B.  Wilson  comes  among  you,  like  a 
smiling  Satan  at  Job's  picnic,  with  the  golden 
chink-chink  of  his  Manhattan  conscience  roosting 
in  his  greasy  palm,  give  him  to  know  that  the  Cali- 
fornia mare  is  not  made  to  go  by  money  of  that 
odor.  Or  if  any  among  you  must  take  his  money 
take  it  all.  Take  it  all  and  send  him  naked  to  the 
frozen  purlieus  of  his  Gould-haunted  island  ayont 
the  awful  hills. 


Now  Mr.  Wasp,  excuse  me,  but  I  think  this 
style  of  oratory  ought  to  fetch  'em.  The  Legisla- 
tors, I  mean.  Because  it  is  rather  better  than 
they  are  accustomed  to.  But  if  it  don't  fetch  'em — 
well,  the  ballot-box  is  not  closed  forever.  Or  if 
the  ballot  should  by  any  possibility  be  taken  from 
us,  we  can  meet  the  home-coming  Legislator  as  he 
returns  to  us  next  spring,  with  a  procession  of 
bereaved  cows  and  bawl  him  out  of  existence. 

Attorney  for  the  Cow. 


Governor  Stoneman  has  succeeded  in  highly  of- 
fending the  militia.  The  Executive  seems  to  con- 
sider that  the  National  Guard  is  not  absolutely 
necessary  for  the  peace  and  welfare  of  the  country, 
and  that  its  dissolution  would  not  involve  riot, 
anarchy,  arson  and  murder.  But  he  has  offended 
them,  and  many  of  the  prominent  members  of  the 
organization  talk  gravely  about  handing  in  their 
resignations.  Of  the  latter  calamity  we  have  not 
the  slightest  apprehension.  If  they  resign,  how 
could  they  wear  out  their  gay  clothes,  their  bril- 
liant uniforms,  glittering  with  brass  buttons  and 
gold  lace.  No,  the  militia  officer  never  resigns. 
Death  alone  can  remove  him  from  the  muster  roll. 
He  is  bound  to  get  the  worth  of  his  money  out  of 
the  military  tailor  as  long  as  Providence  permits 
him  to  rattle  a  saber  and  tramp  a  cobble  stone. 


In  a  recent  interview  between  two  of  our  local 
playwrights,  as  reported  in  the  Alia  of  last  Mon- 
day, the  sentence  occurs:  "Many  of  our  best 
writers  have  abandoned  pwe  literature  for  the 
drama."  To  judge  those  writers  by  their  dramatic 
productions  this  is  absolutely  true,  for  their  dramas 
lack  both  purity  and  literary  merit.  The  fact  that 
the  gentleman  who  is  reported  to  have  uttered  the 
above  quoted  sentence,  classifies  the  drama  as 
something  separate  and  distinct  from  "  pure  litera- 
ture,'' proves  what  sort  of  estimation  he  has  of  the 
drama  generally,  and  when  he  further  on  modestly 
states  that  t;  the  most  promising  writeis  in  the 
United  States"  are  at  present  engaged  in  construct- 
ing plays,  adding  the  assertion  that  he  is  one  of 
these,  one  can  only  pray  that  the  special  Providence 
which  guards  the  purses  of  an  unsuspecting  public, 
may  prevent  a  consummation  of  his  nefarious  plot 
to  sell  the  mental  poison  which  he  is  engaged  in 
compounding  into  an  alleged  drama. 


He  was  fond  of  antithesis  and  thought  he  had  a 
happy  knack  at  putting  things  neatly.  So  he  wrote 
from  Marysville  :  "  I  don't  know  my  dear  girl, 
whether  I  am  the  more  glad  to  learn  of  your  re- 
covery from  a  dangerous  illness,  or  sorry  to  hear 
that  you  have  lost  your  favorite  cat." 


Oleomargarine  is  greatly  vaunted  by  its  manufac- 
turers on  the  ground  of  its  inexpensiveness,  but 
somehow  Mr.  Wilson  looks  only  half  delighted 
when  some  one  admits  that  it  is  dog,  cheap. 


If  there  is  one  compliment  that  we  appreciate 
more  than  another  it  is  that  of  the  publisher  who 
sends  us  his  newspaper  wrapped  in  a  Wasp  cartoon, 
with  a  request  for  an  exchange. 


fL  Who  was  the  first  man  ?"  inquired  a  young  lady 
of  one  of  her  Sunday  school  scholars.  "My  pa,1 
answered  the  youth.  "  Oh,  no,  your  pa  was  not 
the  first  man."  "  Well,  he  was  the  first  one  I 
ever  saw,  anyway," 


If  the  paragraphers  who  write  each  week  of  find- 
ing hairs  in  the  butter  will  send  us  the  hairs  we 
should  be  glad  to  start  a  matrass  factory  here. 


OhJyBack! 


That's  a  common  expres- 
sion and  has  a  world  of 
meaning.  How  much  suf- 
fering is  summed  up  in  it. 

The  singular  thing  about 
it  is,  that  pain  in  the  back 
is  occasioned  by  so  many 
things.  May  be  caused  by 
kidney  disease,  liver  com- 
plaint, consumption,  cold, 
rheumatism,dyspepsia,over- 
work,  nervous  debility,  &c. 

Whatever  the  cause,  don't 
neglect  it.  Something  is 
wrong  and  needs  prompt 
attention.  No  medicine  has 
yet  been  discovered  that 
will  so  quickly  and  surely 
cure  such  diseases  as 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  and 
it  does  this  by  commencing 
at  the  foundation,  and  mak- 
ing the  blood  pure  and  rich. 

Wm.  P.  Marshall,  of  Logans- 
port,  Indiana, writes  :  "  My  wife 
has  for  many  years  been  trou- 
bled from  pain  in  her  back 
and  general  debility  incident 
to  her  sex.  She  has  taken  one 
bottle  of  Brown's  Iron  Bitters, 
and  I  can  truthfully  say  that 
she  has  been  so  much  benefited 
that  she  pronounces  it  the 
only  remedy  of  many  medi- 
cines she  has  tried." 

Leading  physicians  and 
clergymen  use  and  recom- 
mend Brown's  Iron  Bit- 
ters. It  has  cured  others 
suffering  as  you  are,  and  it 
will  cure  you. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PEINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.    C.    HUGHES, 

5ir    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.  Merchant.  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BILLIABDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE- SU3DUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making'  a  noi.se  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during1  the  past 

two  3'ears.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHX  CREAIIAX, Continental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Pcnn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDER,  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  -States.  Price, 
$1  perdoz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers. 


THE    WASP. 


13 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS. 


The  post  weL-k  has  brought  no  material  changes  at  the 
different  places  of  amusement,  and  consequently  the  at- 
tendant m-rally  deiTi-iisin^.     The  exception  in 

the  latter  respect  has  been  the  Grand  '  >pera  House,  where 
Y>»tth  U  nightly  attracting  large  audiences  who  are  evi- 
dently well  pleased  with  that  interesting  si>eetacle. 

Emerson's  Minstrels  appear  to  have  lost  none  of  their 
powers  of  attraction,  and  their  cosy  little  place  is  always 
comfortably  rilled  by  an  appreciative  public.  Heed's 
Wax  Works  are  the  piea  tb  raietana  of  the  entertain- 
ment. 

Oberon  at  the  Tiroli  has  been  replaced  by  Tra 

which  perfomiance  a  more  extensive  notice  cannot  be 
given  in  time  for  this  issue. 

.-1  Voyagi  fa  the  Mo  m  still  continues  at  the  Winter  Gar- 
den. 

The  play  at  the  California  is  a  sad  failure  financially. 

Leavitt's  All  Star  Combination  has  also  suffered  from 
a  slender  attendance. 

The  coming  week  promises  an  unusual  form  of  amuse- 
ment, by  the  representation  of  Mrs.  Frances  Hodgson 
Burnett's  play,  Etm  ralda.  Both  the  play  and  its  per- 
formance by  the  Madison  Square  Theater  Company  are 
very  highly  spoken  of  by  the  most  respectable  of  Eastern 
critics,  and  to  judge  by  the  plot  and  cast,  Esmeralda  will 
prove  both  wholesome  and  enjoyable.  The  stage  prepara- 
tions at  the  Baldwin  Theater  are  of  the  most  elaborate 
character  and  the  novelty  of  the  setting  will  be  enhanced 
by  extraordinary  speed  of  changes  of  scenes,  which  ordi- 
narily raquire  tedious  delay  for  their  arrangement.  An 
outline  of  the  plot  might  prove  interesting  :  "  Dave 
Hardy,"  a  fine  specimen  of  the  North  Carolina  farmer, 
obtains  the  reluctant  consent  of  the  "  Rogerses  "  to  mary 
their  daughter  "  Esmeralda."  Just  before  the  wedding  a 
rich  vein  of  ore  is  discovered  upon  the  lands  owned  by  the 
"Rogerses",  which  makes  them  suddenly  wealthy  and  causes 
the  ambitious  mother  to  break  off  the  engagement  with 
"Hardy."  The  " Roger?"  family  enjoy  their  fortune 
in  Paris,  and  ''Esmeralda,"  though  faithful  to  her  first 
attachment,  is  betrothed  to  a  Marquis.  "  Dave  Hardy," 
who  has  secretly  followed  "Esmeralda,"  learns  in  Paris 
that  the  ore-vein  upon  the  "Rogerses' "  farm  has  given 
out  and  has  been  rediscovered  upon  his  own  land.  He 
thereupon  generously  supplies  (secretly)  the  means  for  the 
luxurious  living  of  the  "Rogers"  family.  The  father, 
observing  the  intense  love  of  "  Esmeralda  "  for  "  Dave," 
endeavors  to  break  the  engagement  with  the  Marquis  and 
fails.  Just  then  "  Esmeralda"  discovers  the  presence  of 
"  Dave  "  in  Paris  and  defies  parental  restraint,  resolving 
to  return  to  North  Caroling  The  last  act  finds  all  parties 
t  their  old  home  in  America,  and  after  "  Old  Mis.  Rog- 
ers" is  made  aware  of  the  noble  conduct  of  "  Hardy  "  and 
of  the  genuine  affection  of  her  daughter,  she  finally  re- 
lents and  the  play  ends  with  the  union  of  the  loving 
couple.  


Did  you  ever  think  how  many  male  and  female 
ancestors  were  required  to  bring  you  into  the 
world  ?  First,  it  is  necessary  that  you  should 
have  a  father  and  mother— that  makes  two  human 
beings.  Eeach  of  them  must  also  have  had  a 
father  and  mother — that  makes  four  human  be- 
ings. -Each  of  those  four  must  have  had  a  father 
and  mother — that  makes  eight  human  beings.  So 
on  we  must  go  back  for  fifty-six  generations,  which 
bring  us  only  to  the  time  of  Jesus  Christ.  The 
calculation  thus  resulting  shows  that  139,235,017,- 
489,534,970  births  must  have  taken  place  in  order 
to  bring  you  into  the  world  !  Was  there  ever  such 
an  incalculable  disproportion  between  cause  and 
effect  ? 


BURR  &  FINK, 


OTHER    FOOLS'     FOLLIES, 


"  Wliistlers  are  always  good-natured,"  says  a 
philosopher.  Everybody  knew  that.  It's  the  folks 
that  have  to  listen  to  the  whistling  that  get  ugly. 

Boston  Post. 


No  man  living  walks  in  a  straight  line.  The 
sparest-footed  walker  walks  to  the  right  or  left  a 
distance  of  thirty-six  feet  in  a  mile.  In  case  there 
is  a  saloon  on  the  way  he  may  diverge  as  much  as 
150  feet.— Detroit  Free  Press. 

Butter  is  one  of  the  most  gratifying  results  of  the 
modern  cow,  but  the  butter  that  is  calm,  placid  and 
pacific  on  top  of  the  tub,  gaining  your  confidence 
and  then  rising  up  out  of  the  bottom  as  you  get 
down  on  it,  and  cleaning  out  the  whole  family  like 
an  army  with  banners,  is  not  the  symbol  of  a  glor- 
ious progress. — Laramie  Boomerang. 

A  reporter  rang  up  the  office  of  two  prominent 
physicians.  "  Is  anybody  in  I"  was  asked.  "Yes, 
sor."  "Who?"  "Me,  sor,  plaze."  "Is  Dr.  A. 
in  ?"  "  Wouldn't  Dr.  R.  do,  sor,  plaze  .'"  "  Well, 
yes."  "  Nather  man  iv  'em  is  here,  sor." — Colum- 
bus Globe. 


A  large  band  of  New  England  spinsters  are  pre- 
paring to  go  West,  and  a  knowledge  of  that  fact  is 
having  a  powerful  influence  in  directing  the  tide  of 
emigration  toward  the  Southern  States. — Brooklyn 
Eagle. 

A  young  man  entered  a  barber  shop  the  other 
day  and  said  he  wanted  his  hair  cut  commodore 
style.  After  some  investigation  and  inquiry  it  was 
determined  that  Pompadour  was  what  he  wanted. 
— Hume  Sentinel. 


Glass  eyes  for  horses  are  now  made  with  such 
perfection  that  even  the  animals  themselves  cannot 
see  through  the  deception. — Omaha  Bee. 

How  sadly  the  bummer,  who  once  was  in  clover. 
Is  pushed  for  a  drink,  since  election  is  over  ! 
From  bar-room  to  bar-room  he  tramps  in  sad  plight 
In  search  of  his  whisky,  or  may  be,  a  bite ; 
And  when  on  his  rounds  he  shivering  goes, 
With  a  much  paler  hue  on  his  face  and  his  nose, 
How  keenly  he'll  watch  for  a  nod  or  a  wink ; 
How  nimbly  he'll  step  to  the  bar  for  a  drink  ! 
Then  pity  the  bummer,  the  down-hearted  bummer, 
Who  wears  in  the  winter  the  clothing  of  summer 
— Boston's  local  p"d. 


A  bald-headed  man,  who  has  heard  that  the 
hairs  of  a  mail's  head  are  numbered,  wants  to 
know  if  there  is  not  some  place  where  he  can  ob- 
tain the  back  numbers.— Cur.  Saturday  Night. 


"In  choosing  a  wife,"  says  an  exchange,  "be 
governed  by  her  chin."  The  worst  of  it  it,  that 
after  choosing  a  wife  one  is  apt  to  keep  on  being 
Governed  in  the  same  way. — Philadelphia  Bulletin. 

John  Logan's  smashing  grammar 

Into  ten  thousand  bits ; 
Cries  John  :     "  0,  hear  my  clamor  ! 

I'm  giving  Porter  Fitz  !" 

— Louisville  Courrier  Journal. 


Parson  (to  ne'er-do-well)—"  What's  this  I  hear, 
Giles— that  your  wife  has  left  you  ?     Ah  !   this  is 

what  I "    Giles — "  She  might  do  worse  than  that, 

sir."    Parson— (shocked)— "Worse?"    Giles — "She 
might  come  back  again." — Punch. 

Secretary — "Here,  old  man,  is  your  witness  fee." 
Old  man— "Thank  you  very  much.  As  I  am  an 
old  man,  with  few  opportunities  of  earning  a 
penny,  I  hope  you  will  call  upon  me  again  when 
you  need  a  witness." — Fliegende  Blatter. 


620     Market     Street, 


0pp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


He  did  not  object  to  his  daughter  joining  a  mu- 
sical society,  but  gently  insisted  that  abbreviations 
were  coarse — Philip  Harmonic  sounds  much  more 
genteel,  my  dear. 


MASQTTEBADK   COSTUMES. 

Messrs.  Jahn  &  Foster  have  the  largest  assortment  of 
unique  and  costly  Masquerade  t  lostumes  to  rent  at  reason- 
able rates.  Messrs.  Jahn  &  FoBter  are  well  known, 
having  been  established  ten  years  at  their  place  of  busi- 
ness, at  121  Stockton  street. 

CONSUMPTION. 

For  the  cure  ,,f  this  distressing  disease  there  has  been 
no  medicine  yet  discovered  that  can  show  more  evidence 
of  real  merit  than  Allen's  I. ung  Balsam.  This  unequaled 
expectorant  for  curing  consumption  and  all  diseases  lead- 
ing to  it,  such  as  affections  of  the  throat,  lungs,  and  all 
diseases  of  the  pulmonary  organs,  is  introduced  to  the 
suffering  public  after  its  merits  for  the  cure  of  such  dis- 
eases have  been  fully  tested  by  the  medical  faculty.  The 
Balsam  is,  consequently,  recommended  by  physicians 
who  have  become  acquainted  with  its  great  success. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and   I 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  most  important ,  £ 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowel3  in.  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 


are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
41-    SOLD  BY  DRUCCISTS.   Price  $1. 


x  urn  meWGmt 


1 1 


The    Waterbury. 


Exact  sue  oi  watch. 

We  make  bat  one  size  as  above.  "  Series  A  "  is  Skele- 
ton Plates  and  Open  Dial.  "  Series  B  "  is  Solid  plates 
and  Full  Dial  (as  cut  shown  above). 

WATERBURY    WATCH     CO., 

A.  I.  Hall  &  Son, 

528  and  530  Market  Street, 

SAN  FRAXC1SCO,  CAL., 

Sole  Agents  for  Pacific  Coast. 


Merchant    Tailors. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


THE    SANCTUM, 


He  came  sliding  into  the  editorial  den  yesterday, 
loaded  to  the  muzzle  with  vaccinated  conundrums. 
Nobody  looked  up,  but  he  didn't  blink  at  that. 
"  When  did  the  carte-blanche  ?"  he  fiendishly 
yelled.  The  office  boy  says  he  never  had  such  a 
tough  job  of  scrubbing  in  all  his  life,  and  that  lie 
can't  get  half  the  blood  stains  off'  the  wall.  Our 
apologies  are  hereby  tendered  to  the  coroner  for 
omitting  to  leave  enough  of  the  remains  for  him  to 
sit  on. — New  York  News. 


"  What  shall  I  write  about  1"  asked  a  young  re 
ported  of  the  managing  editor.  "  Oh,  write  about 
the  first  thing  that  comes  to  hand,"  was  the  brief 
order.  The  scribe  drew  his  pay  that  night  for  an 
article  on  "  door-knobs." — New  York  Commercial. 


The  editor  must  work  and  work,  without  so  much 
as  a  moment  of  rest.  He  cannot  even  tip  back  in 
his  editorial  chair  for  a  nap,  without  being  awak- 
ened by  a  rock-roach  running  over  his  nose,  or  the 
rustle  made  by  a  rat  looking  over  the  exchanges. — 
Lowell  Oitiz&ns. 


The  sun  comes  up  and  the  sun  goes  down, 

And  behind  us  rolls  the  years ; 
But  the  day  and  night  are  the  same  as  one 

To  the  chap  who  wields  the  shears. 

— Hackensaek  Repvblimv. 

The  only  break  in  this  treadmill  life, 

The  only  rest  that  he  gets, 
Is  when  he  scoops  his  hash  with  a  knife, 

And  his  whistle  with  beer  he  wets. 

Burlington  Enterprise. 


A  countrj1  editor  has  been  made  the  victim  of  a 
diamond  robbery.  His  opponent  stole  the  ace  of 
that  suite  out  of  the  pack. — Boston  Post. 


QUID     PRO    QUO. 


Kate  Field,  the  famed  and  fascinating  lassie,  has 
had  good  words  to  say  about  journalists  of  late, 
and  the  latter  return  the  compliment  in  the  follow- 
ing manner  :  Kate  Field  says  she  honors  journal- 
ists. Kate,  by  the  way,  is  the  young  lady  who  is 
continually  being  taken  for  Mrs.  Langtry. — Boston 
Star.  In  personal  appearance,  yes.  But  as  a 
writer  she  is  very  much  like  George  Eliot — rather 
superior,  in  fact. — Rochester  Express.  Authorship 
and  beauty  are  well  enough  ;  but  you  should  hear 
Kate  sing.  Then  is  when  the  people  pity  Patti 
and  get  sorry  for  Nilsson. — Louisville  Courier- 
Journal.  Nothing  shows  Miss  Field's  versatility 
so  much  as  her  work  in  the  domain  of  art.  Rosa 
Bonheur  is  great  in  a  limited  field — say  of  animals 
—but  the  pencil  of  Miss  Field  takes  in  the  whole 
realm  of  painting. — Detroit  Free  Press.  Beauty, 
art,  literary,  musical  and  domestic  talents  are  very 
good  in  their  way  ;  but  what  we  most  admire  about 
Kate  is  her  fresh,  charming,  rosebud  youth.  One 
would  never  suppose  from  her  sweet  girlishness 
that  she  is  almost  eighteen  years  old. — Philadelphia 
News.  As  a  fool  about  newspapers,  this  gifted  lady 
takes  the  cake. 


A  jolly  Dutchman,  when  the  steamboat  was 
likely  to  sink,  succeeded,  after  much  trouble,  in 
finding  a  life-preserver  large  enough  to  fit  him. 
While  he  was  trying  his  best  to  blow  it  up  a  young 
fellow  standing  by  said  :  "  You  can't  fill  that  with 
wind  ;  it  leaks.  Don't  you  hear  it  sizz  ?"  "Ish 
dot  so  ?"  he  replied.  "  Veil,  I  dinks,  den,  I  pet- 
ter  keep  de  vind  in  myself." 


A  watchmaker  of  Middlebury,  Conn.,  has  manu- 
factured a  clock  which,  at  striking,  carries  out  a 
representation  of  Garfield's  assassination.  Guiteau 
fires ;  the  President  falls.  The  scene  shifts.  A 
funeral  service  is  represented  ;  suddenly  a  door 
opens  and  reveals  Guiteau  on  the  gallows.  Then 
seventy-five  doctors,  three  hundred  nurses,  and  a 
crowd  of  miscellaneous  pirates  appear  and  present 
long  bills,  and  the  scene  closes. 


"  My  wife,"  remarked  Fitzboodle,  "  is  fairly 
crazy  over  the  winter  fashions.  She's  got  the 
delirium  trimmins. 


Two  sons  of  an  English  aristocrat  were  remark- 
able for  hastiness  of  temper,  which  on  certain  oc- 
casions broke  out  into  very  indiscreet  expressions. 
During  a  quarrel,  and  in  thd  height  of  passion,  one 
said  to  the  other  :  "  You  are  the  greatest  ass  in 
the  world."  "  Come,  come,  my  lads,"  said  their 
highly  incensed  father  :  "  you  forget  that  I  am 
present. 

"  How  old  is  that  dog  ?"  was  asked  of  a  colored 
man.  "  If  he  lives  ter  see  the  fifth  ob  naixt  June, 
sah,  he  will  be  de  oldest  dog  on  de  plantation." 
"  And  if  he  don't  live  until  then—  1"  "  He'll  be 
dead,  sah." — Arkansaw  Traveler. 


Great  Pacific  Coast  Spring  Medicine. 

sk^TRY  PFUNDER'S 


SPRING    1S82. 


As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  So. 


^&mmm 


AROIAEI*  GOIJ>  SOLID l!l>f-,  makcsn  heauli 
tul  and  valuable  gilt  to  alndy.  pent h  inn ri  orcliild.aiid 
in  order  to  secure  new  cu^u'iulis  for  our  firm,  we  will 
forward  rbb'll'AU*  to  nnv  nikln^s  in  ilu-  Vnited 
States  orC'nnatla.oin  of  cm  1.1  AA  ^  I*K.  JiOl  J, Kit 
GOll*  K1M.5-.  Utlicr  in  ]!AM»,  HALF  MIlMK 
or  handsome  AMk/lIIYbX,  <  AI.M.'l,  «.OLl> 
BTO>L,  ONYX,  JJil'lA'JlON  MAMOM>  or 
A!..vii  S1/11LNG,  on  receipt  -  i  only  ?2  t  l.Mt* 
each,  in  Silver  or  restate  Mint  i  «,  m.d  il  vmi  di  Mrewe 
will  EH  GK  AVE  any  1M1  1A1  ,  >\1.J,  JiOTTO 
OK  frtVUillVl  on  tin-  niMilc  ol  ll,c  lire  \\  ITU 
OUT  A>Y  1  A'JKA  I  HA  Jit-]-',  ]ut*  idul  jou  CL1 
OUT  'JJIIS  AJ>\I.1."11M  iMJ  N'l.  and  ii.ml  to  u: 
with  amount,  on  or  before  MAY  Jul,  II 688.  At  th< 
some  time  we  send  your  ring  we  will  mail  you  a  Vundli 
ol  our  Catalogue*,  and  feel  sure  tliat  you  will  be  Si 
highly  pleased  with  tlie  ring,  imd  that  it  will  give  mi  el 
satislaetion  that  you  will  oblige  us  by  dfsmbutin| 
Catalogues  sent  you  among  your  friends,  at  tin-  earoi 
timeshowing  them  the  btuutitul  ringyouliove  net  ivet 
from  us.  "it.ii  ean  in  tins  «in  assist  us  in  celling  othe: 
goods  of  h'l  AM>AJiI>yi  ALII  V  which  we  mniiu 
facture from  new  and  original  design*,  and  GUAR 
AMKE'IO  G1VU  SA1IM  Ai'llON.  1JY  Ol  It 
Fill  Jit   SALES    WE  MAKE   tllJt    Mill  FIT 


i;.-n 


•  the 


id 


■  h. 


INK 


VH1  IMII.l*     AMI 


KOLLLlMiOLIta 

only  to  intH'din  c  <  ur  g'-'  Hr 
vicinity.  Our  Brm  i-  oi.H 
Ktl.lAIiJ.K,  luanufnetuiii 
the  J'Lfcl  1411  S  All/1  Al>.  Wccanonli  Miiiiimtn 
L13111E1>M  AI1II  It  ol  lingual  inii-e  nan.nl,  and  to 
protect  ourselves fri  m  jewelers  ami  dealers  ordering 
in  quantities,  we  will  insert  ibis  advertisement  but 
OSit  11A1F  in  tins  paper,  hence  require  you  to  rut 
it  out  and  send  to  us  that  we  may  know  you  arc 
ES  Til  LEV  TO  1J1E  KEKEE1TS  OF  THIS 
OF!  hit.  Under  no  circumstances  will  we  send  MOKE 
11IAS  I'M  O  ICINGS  to  any  person  sending  us  7E 
cents  each  and  this  advertisement.  But  alter  you 
order  and  other  rings  are  desired,  we  will  furnish  1SK. 
MILJV  t.OLV  U  1M.&.  a tj^i  iees  given  in  our  Illustrat- 
ed Catalogue,  ranging  I  rem  £5  lufelOeaeh.  If  you  wish 
one  ring  send  this  advertisement  and  73  cents,  if  you 
wish  two  rings  send  this  advertisement  and  Si-**. 
If  more  than  two  are  desired  you  must  pay  full  price; 
as  quoted  in  our  Catalogue,  'lo  ascertain  the  size  ring 
you  wear  cut  a  piece  of  paper  so  it  will  just  meel 
around  the  linger  and  send  Hie  sin.  to  us.  Male  which 
you  want,  BAKV,  HALF  liOUNV  "r  STO.NE 
RUNG.  If  you  order  a  stun,-  i  nig  slat 
KLM>    OF  frTOMi    IS  lll.MKl.ll,  aiie 

Slainly  what  vou  wish  i:>GliA\  1.11  on  in 
uttiiisAvvei{T1m;au:m  oitamisesu 

TO  USREEORK  A1AY  l^t,  1888.  It  is  sale  to  send 
small  amounts  through  the  mails,  or  you  ean  send  by 
Money  order,  or  Registered  Letter.  Addiesr 
G.W.  PETTlBONE&CO.,26MaidenLane.  NewYork. 


<«t%.  "°o%£°** 


AP.^  °^ 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Ebos Proprietors  and  Manager* 

First  week  of  Verdi's  Grand  Lyric  Opera 

LA    TR  AVI  ATA. 

Liver  and  Kidney  Regulator.  Consti- 

OREGON    BLOOD 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Grand    Opera    House. 

Chas.  L.  Andrews  and  L.  E,.  Stockwell Lessees. 


Crowded  houses  at  every  performance  of  the 
eclipsing  success, 

~^~     O     TJ~    T     IE!    I 


MATINEE    WEDNESDAYS    AMD    SATIIBDAVS. 

POPULAR     PRICES  : 
15,    25,    50    and    75   cents. 


Jt2TBox  office  now  open.     Single  seats  sold  in  boxes. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUST  AVE  FBOHMAN Lessee 

Inauguration  of  llic  Madison  Square  Management. 

MONDAY     EVENING, 

January   22d,    1883. 

EVERY  EVENING  (excepting  Sunday)  AND  SAT- 
URDAY MATINEE. 

The  Madison  Square 

HOME     COMPANY. 

-    Including    — 

Mr.  Leslie  Allen,  Mr.  Ed.  J.  Buckly, 
Mr.  Thos.  Whiffin,  Mr.  F.  Oakes  Rose, 
Mr.  Harry  Rich,  Mr.  Henry  Talbot, 
Miss  Viola  Allen,  Miss  Sidney  Cowell, 
Mrs.  Thos.  Whiffin,  Miss  E.  Leslie, 

IN    

Mrs.  Frances  Hodgson  Burnett's  beautiful  play, 
in  four  acts, 

ESMERALDA." 

The  Companion  Play  to  "HAZEL  KIRKE." 

A  run  of  over  three   hundred   and   fifty  nights  in  New 
York. 

roriL.iit    i'ieij  is. 


i  i 


Winter  Garden. 

Stocfeton  street,  between  Post  and  Sutter. 
Stahl  &   Maack Proprietors 

Unbounded  success  of  the  Romantic,  Spectacular 
Opera, 

Voyaore  to  the  IVEoon  1 

With  its  Grand  and  Beautiful  Scenery,  Startling 
and  Elaborate  Costumes  and  a  Powerful  Cast. 


Monday  Evening,  January  22d— I0LANTHE  ! 

Grerman     Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,    -      -     -    JANUARY  21st, 

Last  appearance  but  one  of 
I   It   I  N  (  I  S  (   A  EI19IENSEICU 

as    

Countess    Lea, 

In  the  briliant  sensational  play,  in  5  acts,  by 

Paul  Lindau, 

OOUJSITESS   LEA. 

Sunday,  January  28th,  farewpll  benefit  of 
ELLMENREICH. 


p;i i  inn .  Sick-lieadaelie  and  Biliousness  entirely  cured 


PURIFIER! 


See  Local. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steamers  of  thtaContvinv  will  sail  frmti  Broadway 
■Wharf,  San  Francisco,  for  ports  in  California,  Ore- 
rgon,  fVaahltnton  a\A  Idaho  Territories,  BrltUh 
■  Columbia  and  xteais*,  as  follows  : 
Calir»rnla  Southern  CmHI  Route.  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  AM '« >\  snil  cwr:  five  days  at  9  a.  m.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  hrm  Angeles  and  San  liietfO,  as  followH  : 
ORIZABA,  10th,  20th  ind  fiMi  of  each  month.  ANCON,  5th, 
15th  and  25th  of  c;u:h- month.     Tin-  Steamer  8BNATOB  sails  cvecy 

Wedneadu  at  s  a.  m.  forSmKa  Cruz,  Monterey,  Sin  siniconMCfcy- 
ucce,  Gaviota,  Santa  BarKartflind  San  Buenaventura. 

ItnlNh  Columbia  nml  Aluskn  Koute.  —  Steawntfrip 
EUREKA,  carrying  I".  S.  Hails,  BftUfl  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each/month,  for  Port  Townsetid,  W.  T.,  Vic- 
toria, and  Nanaiuio,  B.C.,1  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  HarrKAmrg, 
Alaska,  conneetint:  at  Port  Townseud  with  Victoria  and  Pugct 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  nml  I'nyrl  mhiii.I  Route.— The  SteMqerMSEp.  \\ 
ELDKlt  and  DAKOTA,  earn  ing  Her  Brittanic  .Majesty's and  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  ©roadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  wt  *2  r.  M. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  *mE  aoth  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  R.  C,  Port 
Tovrasend,  Seattle,  Ta^onia,  Steilacoom  and  Olympio,  naalniik'  close 
connection  with  ritaem  boats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  a»d'  Cassiar 
Uinea,  Vxnaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  SlWta  and  alt  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leaw  Seattle  and  Port  Tcnniwcnd  at  1 
p.  M.  on  the  9th,  l»h  and  -20th  of  ea'ch  month,  and  Victoria  (Esuui- 
mault)  at  11  a.  k.  on  the  10th,. feuth  and  soth  of  «ach  mouth. 
[Jfote.— When  Swday  falls  on  tb'e'lnth,  20th  or.  SOUl,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francisoo-one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later 'than  st^tc4  above.]  The  Steaeser 'VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  ajid  Nauaiuio  about  every  ibwo  weeks,  as 
per  advertisetnewte  in  the  San  Franeiseo  Al.ta  or  GlTOE. 

Portland,  tNv-gon,  Route.— The  Oregon  Raihuavand  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship 'Company  dis- 
patch from  Spew -Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steataatirps  STATE  OF 
CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUMBIA,  earning  the  United 
States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co. *s  Express,  every  Wednesday 
ami  Saturday  at  10  a.  if.  for  Portland  and  Astoria, Oregon. 

Eureka  and  llunibolilt  ISay  Konte.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHt'-STER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humholt  Bay) -©very  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Art-tui  anil  Mendocluo  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINEsaite-from  Broadway  Wharf,  San'  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
everj'  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffcy*s  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  ltuss  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francieco. 


Citizens*  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Asset*,  £450,000 
German  Ins-  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -         ?  350,000 

Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,   -    "  435,000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  "  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       .-       -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 

W.  J.  .CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,               SAN  FRANOISOO, 

OAL. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELj^a  Manufacturer. 

Established  -  .  H*  -  •  1856 

SOLE  AGENC  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

GnaranJ fu  <l  for  Tin  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    SHOCK    OP    BIflBlAUD    AND    BOOL 
TABLES    ON    EHE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR  _SJ  X  T  H  . 

Prices  2©  per  cent.  Lowe*  .iliiui  any  oilier  House  OB 

(lie    <  *.;!>(. 

g3T  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SS 


c 


l&BD  COLLECTORS.      A  handsoate  -set  of  cards  for    3-cent 
ataaip.      A.  G.  BASSETT.  fioohesfeyr,  JJ.  Y. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

fta)*J*ftHl,    Alaint'ilii,     \c«;irk,    Sun     Juno,   los   l.aln«, 
Glenwoodi  l  Hum   ami   Snnlii  *  >-.i/. 

FOT0RESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
"Santa  Clara   Valley,  Monterey   Bay.     Forty  miles  shorter  to 

SANTA  CRUZ  than  anv  other  route.     No  change  of  care  ;  no  duet. 

■Equipment  and  road  bed  first-class.      PASSENGER  TKAINS  leai  e 

-Station,  foot  of  Market  street,  sorrii  sidk,  at 

QiOn  *■  5t-*  '^lilv.  West  San  Lorvitzo,  West  San  Leandro.  Run- 
O.OU  sells,  ML  Eden,  Alvarodo,  Halls,  Newark,  Centcrville, 
Mown,**,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clam,  SAN  JOSE,  LOB.  Gatoa, 
Alma,  WrightB,  Highland,  Glemvood,  Doughertys,  Fulton,  BigTrees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  M. 

2  .Ofl  ''■  M"  L):ii,-V  Express  :  Mt,  Edwi,  Alvarodo,  Newark,  Cen- 
,0U  terville,  Alviso,  A^news.  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  and  Los 
Gatoa    Through  to  SAXTA  CSKE«eTery  Saturday. 

4, rin  I'.  M.  (Sutidavsoxoeptvd),  (or  SAX  JnsE  and  intemiedi- 
■  OU  att-  stations.  ' 
nij  Sundays,  Sportsmen's  Ir»iM,  4:30  A.  M.  Return  train 
Ull  lea\esSan  J i >se  ut /i :lfi  P.  M.,*rri%'ing  at  San  Francisco,  7:35. 
tfjr  EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  #'i.50  TO  SAN 
OU  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Swidays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

TO    OAKLAXIft     AM*    ALAMEDA. 
§6:30— 7:30— S:30— 930—1030— 11:30  A.  M.    1112:30—1:30—2:30— 
3:30— (:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  nud  W*4wtcr  streets.  Oiiklnntl— §5:67 
r,.,:    ■7:-i7— 8:52— »:52— Wi2— 1i  11:52  A.  M.      12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:5-2— 1:52— 5:.V2-<>:5«— 18^20  -P.  M. 

From  High  street,  .Uawedn- §5:45- §6 -.45-7:45^-8:35— 9:35 
— 10:35—^11:35  A.  M.  M;85— 1:35— 2:35—  3:35— 4:35— 5:35— 6:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 
$  Daily,  Sundays  excepted.  *J  Sundays  only. 
Stations  in  Oakland,  uwt  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  *ar  'Piedmont,  Temeseal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  snort  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Teleyrapha»d  Transfer  offices  '»'»*>  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland ;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKEB,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'I  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elmwood,   tileiiwuod,    Hudson  and   Our  Choice. 


nON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
^  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  eastings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Cheek  Diraft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


RUPTURE 

Relieved  and  cured  without  the  iiy'ury  trusses  inflict,  by 
Db.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenessesorf  >bad  cases  befcre  and 
after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


AND  NOT  WEAK  OUT. 

TlMae  KEYS  are  sold 

by  all  WATOHMaKERS    and  JEWELERS  on  the  PA0IFI0 


w THAT-, 
'ANV  WATCH 


0OA8T.    By  Mail,  26  Cem.s. 

BIRCH  k  CO 


Dey  Btreet,  New  York. 


222 


2124 

22S 


BUSH     £3  T  ^-6  IE  IE  17 

oM.,FORNlXTFUR«lr(/^ 

The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles, 

CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


"^AOTURINQ    0°^ 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AKD 

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE   AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OP  RIVEB 
and  Rail  Transportation   penetrate  all  seetions  of  tin.    I 
Northwest,  and  form  direct  routes 

I'p  I  lie  Columbia— To  the  Dalles,  Umatilla,  Pendleton,  Walla 
Walla,  Dayton,  the  Palouse  Country,  Snake  River  Points,  and 
Lev.  iaton  ; 

I  »  Hie  I'eiiil  irorellli-   Division     To  Alnsworth,  I 
Spraguo,  Spokane   Kails,  Lake  Pend  d*OreiUe,  and  all  point-sin 
Northorn  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

lp  the  Willamette  Valley —To  Oregon  City,  Salem,  and 
the  beautiful  country  of  Southern  Orejron  ; 

Down  Hie  (oluiiihiu  -Through  the  most  pictures-  [Ui   - 
ry  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points. 

Over  lo  l*usel  Sound— To  Taeoma,  Ol.vmpia,  Seattle,  Port 
Townaend,  Victoria  and  Belingham  Bay— a  section  miriraled  for 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prospeets. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

Dally  Slaves  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  Fork  Division, 
direct  for  Missoula  and  all  neighbors nj,'  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  I  ran  rise.  ,. Hi.-.      :  it  Montgomery  St. 


i  863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment 


882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective   vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

f^-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE.  j& 
•    j  Deutsche    Apotliekc. 

1 1  MALDONADO   PHARMACY, 
36  Geary  Street, 
EDWARD   NEUMANN, 

I'll  .IIS  II  U  I*T  and   chemist. 


Farmneie    Itnlhiiia. 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

....AQENTS    FOE.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machlnes,^g 
Heed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 
No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


-      AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  $10  live.  Address  E.  0. 
HIDEOUT  &  CO.,  10  BarcIaySt.,  N.F 


/ 


rfLJt^ 


y  "OUR  LITTm  BEAUTIES  - 


Kouna  ana  tressea 
CIGARETTES.    " 


rure,  ivma, 
Fragrant  and  Sweet." 


Mnnnfactnrers.     Richmond,     Yo. 


POPULAR     PRICES 


ICOLL  pE  fj AILOR 


LARGE    STOCK! 


choice  woolen  Ready-Made 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


:  I w - 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


Men's  and  Boys' 


Men's    Furnishing     Goods, 


Clothing,  j  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

816  &  SIS  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


SIBEEIAN    ZB-^LS-^IM:  |n-  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 


CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause 

liri'n  r.    415    iiiim  <<(ll  lltl     STREET.  For  Mile  by  nil  Drngglals. 


SOLK   AOESTH   FOR 


B. 


£®"Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAOSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  10th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY     &     YUKO, 

No.   651    S  i<  it  Mii:vni   siitiir. 

First  House  below  Kearny.      San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


"GOLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    flay    Street. 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


J.  J.  Palmer. 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  antl  Bi-Carl).  Sofia 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros.  S  Co. 


SAN  FRANCISCO 


AN 
ixtraordinary 


Razor 


EAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
LTRE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
ides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
awing  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
REAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
rperts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION, 
ivo  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
very  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
verse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
■1  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
te  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
ippiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  O.  D. 
The  Qncen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
,rged  their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
?ORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
NIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
le  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
.AZOR. 

DlffiCHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  -1- 

kLWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

et.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


fprlPianoS 

Ohlclcering  &  Sons.BoBton  ;  Bluthner, Leipzig; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAB  MARKET,  SaN  FRANCISCO. 


Valentine  Rey. 


PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

PEESSES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wareroouis,  405  &  407  Sansome  St.  S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

BTJGOEBBOBS     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAK  B  RS 

And    EMBALMEKS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


DR  .THOMAS  HALL'S 


Prentiss  Selby,  Sup't. 


Selby    Smelting    and    Lead    Co 


MANUFACTURERS   OF   - 


lead  Pine,  S  icet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-1  iictioii  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -  ;  ^     ivaneiseo 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion. 


Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


Iharleh  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS   &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 

BOOK    AND    JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street, 

telow  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


w 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR    THE 

HITE     ROBE    FLOUTS 

[HANI  I  4111  ItEll    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process 

S3T  See  loeal  notiee  In  another  coliuim, 


B-OLD       KEffTTJCKY       WHISKEY.' 


£@-QIM!]VtOIVDsS 


NABOB 


the  best 

In  the  World. 

ask:  your 
Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


B^DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. "«» 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  Appetizer,  giving  tone  and 
strength  to  the  stomach,,  and  as  a  tonic  bev- 
erage it  has  no  equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia 
or  Indigestion.  Fever  and  Ague.  Biliousness 
General  Debility  and  kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results ; 
it  braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and 
destroys  that  wretched  feeling  of_  enuni 
which  we  constantly  labor  under  in  this 
enervating  climate.  The  tonic  for  its  medi- 
cal qualities  excels  any  other  ever  offered 
to  the  public,  having  taken  the  first 
premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento, 
San  Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San 
Francisco  ■  for  absolute  purity,  made  from 
pure  California  Port  Wine,  Wine  of  Pepsin 
and  Elixir  Calisaya.  j^~  For  sale  every- 
where throughout  the  State.  Depot  at 
JAMES  H.  GATES'  Drug  store,  corner  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Fran- 
cisco. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


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^^  HARDWOOD    LUMBER .-.£22. SSSFSES*  '^ 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,8utB 


Throat, 


K1IIII  I  1!  «S  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro's  Pianos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.      Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  B.  Williar,  Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

San    Francisco, 


H.    HOESCH, 

Restaurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  I 'n        -       -        $3,000,000 
Reserve  V.  S.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agencj'  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    II A  SSMER,    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans.  Etc., 

118    SUTTER    STREET, San  Franelsco,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant ■ 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,    -conces,.  Candlesticks    and 

Bouillotr.es. 

BARE     BRONZES.     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFOENIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME  OFFIOE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Boll,  Vice-President 
Wm.  J.  Dotton,  Secretary. 

E.  "W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  E.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASBETB  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Capt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE  and  "^aS^'  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'v  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors-I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London. 
400  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


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AS  A  BEVERAGE, 
AS  A  REMEDY, 


NECTAR  ! 
-     SOVEREIGN  ! 


AS  AN  APPETIZER, 
AS  A  WHOLE, 


UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED  ! 


An  Unfailing  Cure  for  all  Malarial  Diseases,  Dyspepsia  and  Debility. 


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■«3fe*      JtJSht       ^fev     ^ 


Xl, 


VOL.   X. 


SAN    FRANCISCO,  JAN.   27,   188S 


No.   339. 


f 


For 
Breakfast 


Lunch 
Co  to  the 
New    England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California  si. 


E  CELEBRATED 

Jmpacne  wines 

.\L.  Dei  rz*  Gbldbrmasn  Av,  en  Champagne. 


U'HE'I      ISLAM-  Extra    Dry, 

In  '  ases  quarts  and  pints. 

IjiAIIlM  T     (.REE*      SEAL, 

J     In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

U.Y   RED   AND  WHITE   MIXES, 

leases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

II4M  K     WINES, 

es  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 


ijles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
I      SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


ive' 


IAMBEELAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PROPItIET"KS. 


1ACIFIC 

f      BUSINESS 


HQLLEGE. 


U32O|0rf,t|S,F 


;f[SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS*   | 

Leopold  Bro's 

LOEIST 

;5  POST  STREET,  below  Ktarm 
louqueta.  Baskets, 'Wreathes, Crusses 


S 


otographer, 


N  NTGAHY&CO, 

WHOLESALE.... 

DOR    MERCHANTS, 

and  824  FRONT  STREET, 

IfcANCISCO.   -  CALIFORNIA 


)FIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

ping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

ento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


R  O  K  D  E  R  E  ,R 

Ohampagrie. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from  Mr.    Lou  Is  Roederer,  Reims,  over  hiB  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.     Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACON  DRAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,    CALIFORNIA   WINES,    Etc., 
;il    Front    Street. 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN, 

FRENCH      RRANDIES, 

PORT,    SHERRY,     Etc. 
In  oond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
3IK    Front     Street.    Room    2,     San    Franelneo 


K 


FRAGRANT 


I' 


Fcr  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

EOR    SALE    BY    ALL     !>i:n.«.!S  I S. 


jAMElj   SlIEA 


A.     BOCQCERAZ. 


SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jackson    Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON'    J.    HARDY," 

"  3.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

OU1    Bourbon    Whiskies. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


S  O  H  X,  I  T  Z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING-,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


EICHAEDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.  Corner    SANSOME  and    SACRAMENTO   Streets,   San  Francisco. 


k 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  P.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


IIANOi 

I   First  Class, 
Medium  Price, 

FULL    VALUE 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY 


Hazelton  Bros 

HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
Jl.M.  BENHAM, 

"CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647  ^Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Diper  Heidsieck 

f     GHAMPACNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

211  California  St.,  San  Franrlsco,  Oil. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

O.     ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  masonic  Temple), 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extmctinff  teeth  without  pain.) 
NAVE      REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    G,    8    and     10, 

Entrance,  80G  Market  street. 

Dr.  Illls  W.  DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and    Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Go's 

C°BUDWEISER  BEERe) 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 

! 

321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers' Association. 


FINE   OLD   TABLE   WINES, 


H[oiise/woT?th.'s 

Photographs 

I'll,'  Highest  Standard  of  Exccllenec, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


The 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 


18-  Received  1  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  tbc  Rest  Work- 
manship. 


iJEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


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BUY  YOUR    SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 

L.  &  E.  EMANUEL 


SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  anv  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.     Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  OA V. 


IAK     and 

Sausages. 


WESTPHALIA 


HAMS-       German 
A.  BEl fSCHE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY   IIDMIHIL]'.  (extra), 

L.  BOEDERER  (sweet  and  dry). 
MOET  A   I  II  I  \  1>I>\  . 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE,    "WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
13"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6S3  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dved  without  shrinking. 
tills.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.      D., 

(OCCLIST.) 

TjiORNERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
r  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  u,  to  3  p.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Xos.  114  and  lie  Market  street, 
Xos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  M4.CDONALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  ■;■;.>  Spear  St.,  .'is  to  226  Stnart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
IV in.    F.    II  ABKISOV.  Manager. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWEEY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOTJIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


WoltersBrothers&Co 
Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisrn 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

21  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  CRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY 

Capital  Stock 


>200,000 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
Vft'ABRANTED tdkee ?  /     the  Pacific  Coast. 

j  IN''1  <S  

"^V^yN^S^KUDOLPH  M0HR,  Secretary. 


+ 


530  WASH' 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION 
I    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES 


•  PRODUCERS 
NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


B^None  Genuine  unless  bearine;  our  name  on  T.nbel  and  Cork-_£B 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NTJNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN    FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE   8TKEET9 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  8.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co.  : 
Nich,  Ashton  &  Son's  fait. 


l\K?ANDE[ 


KOHLER  8c  FROHLING 

'?_H6  MONTGOMERY  ST.  a  S.E.COR.SUTTER a  D  UPCASTS. 

■' "-"-  ''; '",        -'  ".11"'  '    _=-v^.„_  -  .  — ^-z£i^^ZJrr^£ii^&^£^ 


tff^^&^WS 


L.     P.     D£G'N.    Mjkfp    of 


Water  Proot  Leather  Belting. 
13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


o  P1 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.  b^m 

809   noMcoilllll    St.,  San   Franciseo. 


H  .    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTINGS  HOSE. 

405    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every    Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &     C0.^ 

liny,  drain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS  ,  S.  F  ; 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OP 

IE?  .A.  IP   IE    ~El' 


OF    ALL     KINDS. 

413  and  415  Sansome  St. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 

406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MABKET  STKEET. 
Refinery,   Eighth  antl   Brnnnan  streets 

0LAU8  SPREOKEL8 President 

J-D.  8PRE0KEL8    Vice-Preidenf 

A.  B.  SPREOKELB Secretary 


THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including-  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.   .tliOM'lli:  LOW,  President 
Office— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


TRADE 


^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

415    MABKET    STBEET,    S.    F. 


CVOL.  10. 


>9<3<3  9 


THE    WASP 


A    CATASTROPHE. 


By  a  Legal  Limb. 


The  Crime. 
In  the  high  court  of  heaven,  the  queen  of  night 
Rode  bright  and  brilliant,  gazing  caliny  down 
Upon  the  party  of  the  second  part, 
To  wit,  the  earth,  within  whose  bosom  dark 
Foul  deeds  are  oftimes  done  which  cause  the  hair 
Upon  full  many  a  lawyer's  head  to  rise 
In  virtuous  indignation — that  is,  when 
He's  for  the  prosecution.     To  resume  : 
The  aforesaid  party  of  the  second  part 
Was  wrapped  in  silence,  save  the  warning  cry 
Of  some  dyspeptic  fowl,  breaking  anon 
The  stillness,  01  the  uneasy,  rattling  noise 
Of  the  omnivorous  goat,  feasting  below 
On  oyster  can?  and  mortar;  whence  you'll  guess 
This  thrilling  scene  with  all  its  incidents, 
Appurtenances,  whole  and  singular, 
And  evils,  joint  and  several,  is  laid 
"Within  the  rear  yard  of  a  dwelling-house. 
But  hark  !   what  "sound  of  revelry  "  is  that 
Which,  swelling  up  with  melancholy  wail, 
Rivals  the  swarthy  organ-grinder's  worst, 
Most  agonizing  effort  ?    'Tis  the  song 
Wherewith  young  Romeo  Felis  throws  his  soul 
Into  his  lips  and  tells  his  hopeless  love 
Unto  the  moon  aforesaid.     List  again  ! 
With  what  a  mournful  eloquence  he  pours 
Into  her  pitying  bosom  all  his  woes 
And  heartfelt  sorrow.     Suddenly  appears 
At  open  casement  window  from  above 
A  fiend  in  human  shape,  who  with  a  curse 
Malignant  and  ferocious  hurleth  down 
The  murderous  boot-jack — answering  complaint 
By  filing  a  demurrer  in  the  case 
With  a  death-dealing  flat-iron  !    Now,  one  cry, 
Fraught  with  a  mortal  anguish,  rings  aloud 
And  once  more  all  is  silent.     The  pale  orb 
Mentioned  hereinbefore  and  sundry  stars, 
The  only  witnesses,  look  sadly  down 
Upon  the  mangled  corse,  and  furthermore 
This  same  deponent  saith  not. 


The  Trial. 
His  Honor  sits  upon  the  bench, 

And  casts  his  eye  around 
The  crowded  hall  where  Justice  reigns 

In  dignity  profound. 

Freedom  indicts  the  guilty  wretch 
Who  dared  infringe  her  laws. 

The  baliff  clamors  from  his  desk 
The  name  of  court  and  cause : 

'  The  People  versus  Easyman." 
The  end  is  drawing  near.- 
This  famous  case  has  been  agog 
For  something  like  a  year. 

The  people's  champion,  Mr.  Fudge, 

In  legal  lore  renowned  ; 
His  skill  in  hanging  men  is  known 

For  many  miles  around. 

For  the  defendant,  Mr.  Flaw, 

A  man  of  giant  mind, 
Who  in  forensic  eloquence 

Can  "  talk  a  jury  blind." 

The  jury  and  the  evidence, 

And  all  the  outs  and  ins, 
Have  days  and  weeks  consumed,  and  now 

The  argument  begins. 

The  people  have  the  opening  ; 

Up  rises  Mr.  Fudge" — 
To  the  jury  one  obeisance, 

Another  to  the  judge. 

1  Ahem  !    Most  worthy  gentleman, 
I  am  rejoiced  to  find, 
In  your  faces  such  intelligence 
And  honesty  combined  !  " 

(Here  let  us  look  :  the  jury  is 

A  most  ill  favored  crew, 
How  can  he  say  they're  honest 

When  he  knows  it  isn't  true  !) 

'  As  for  the  villain  Easyman, 
It's  written  on  his  face, 


He's  a  murderer  and  cutthroat, 
As  is  proven  in  the  case  !  " 

(Let's  look  at  Mr.  Easyman  : 

He's  worthy  of  the  name. 
That  man  a  hardened  felon  ? 

Oh,  Mr.  Fudge  for  shame  ! 

He  wears  a  mild  and  timid  face, 
As  if  he  feared  his  spouse — 

As  if  he'd  shun  all  violence 
As  she  would  shun  a  mouse  !) 

Continues  Mr.  Fudge  :     "  The  facts 

Within  this  case  are  these — 
Pray  give  this  most  important  point 

Attention,  if  you  please  : 

'  'Twas  on  a  beauteous  summer  night  ; 
The  moon  was  shining  fair, 
When  Romeo  Felis  wandered  forth 
To  breathe  the  balmy  air. 

(  An  innocent  and  lovely  youth, 
Ingenuous  and  kind, 
His  person  only  equalled  by 
The  beauties  of  his  mind. 

'  Seated  upon  a  rustic  stile, 
Suspicionless  of  harm, 
He  added  to  the  silent  night 
Sweet  music's  melting  charm, 

'  'Twas  then  with  deep  malignant  hate 
This  villain  fierce  and  rude, 
In  his  young  blood — oh,  hapless  fate  !— 
His  reeking  hands  imbued  ! 

'  The  proofs  ?    His  gory  weapons  prove 
That  what  I  say  is  true  ; 
The  iron  fits  his  servant's  hand, 
The  boot-jack  fits  his  shoe  ! 

'  Now,  gentlemen,  my  tale  is  told, 
And,  if  you  think  with  me, 
You'll  find  a  speedy  verdict 
Of  murder— first  degree."    . 

Then  rose  the  sapient  Mr.  Flaw, 
With  most  sardonic  smiles  : 
'  My  brother  s  tears  recall  to  mind 
The  mournful  crocodile's. 

'  A  gory  picture  'tis  he  paints, 
And  harrows  up  my  souL. 
We  all  know  Mr.  Fudge  has  none. 
Unless  'Us  one  he  stole! 

1  But  he  made  a  fatal  error, 

Which  to  your  minds  I  bring  : 
For  did  he  not  acknowledge  that 
His  victim  tried  to  sing  '.' 

•  Now  add,  to  this  my  argument, 

The  proposition  flat : 
'  Felis'  when  shorn  of  'Romeo,' 

Is  Latin  for  '  a  cat ' ! 

'  Ha  !  honest  fellow-citizens, 
Has  not  your  peaceful  life 
Been  a  burden  from  their  shrieking, 
And  your  spirits  roused  to  strife 

'  By  their  agonizing  yowling, 

Till,  thirsting  for  his  gore, 
'  You've  hurled  the  fiend  tormenting 

To  the  dark  Plutonian  shore  ? 

'  Now,  what  say  you  ?    Is  he  guilty  ? 

Comes  the  answer  in  a  roar  ; 
'  Not  guilty !  we  sincerely  wish 

He'd  killed  a  dozen  more  !  " 

Their  loud  vociferation  drowned 
His  Honor's  peaceful  snore, 

And  "  People  versus  Easyman,". 
That  famous  case,  is  o'er  ! 


San  Francisco,  Jan.  18,  1SS3. 


Bl'SSHE. 


A  western  cyclone  went  through  the- open  win- 
dows of  a  house,,  caught  up  all  the  tidies,  pillow- 
shams  and  a  pocketbook  and  blew  them  miles 
away.  The  man  of  the  house  refuses  to  go  and 
look  for  the  pocketbook.  He  is  afraid  he  might 
find  also  the  tidies  and  the  pillow-shams. 


A     DRAMATIC    FAILURE. 


The  Passion  Play  does  not  promise  to  be  a  suc- 
cess in  this  country.  An  attempt  to  put  it  on  the 
stage  in  New  York  is  now  being  made,  but  St. 
Peter  and  Pontius  Pilate  have  struck  for  higher 
wages  during  the  preliminary  rehearsals,  and  the 
Penitent  Thief  and  Judas  Iscariot  have  intimated 
that  they  will  strike  after  the  first  act  on  the  first 
night  if  they  are  not  assured  of  a  permanent  em- 
ployment before  that  time.  This  recalls  the  story 
of  the  attempt  once  made  to  give  the  Passion  Play 
in  a  town  in  old  Mexico.  It  took  the  total  receipts 
of  the  first  night  to' furnish  the  thirty  pieces  of 
silver  necessary  to  bribe  Judas,  and  when  the 
wretch  had  received  the  money  he  was  so  full  of  the 
spirit  of  his  part  that  he  positively  refused  to  re- 
fund any  of  it.  In  the  row  that  ensusedSt.  Peter 
lost  an  eye,  Herod  had  five  ribs  broken  and  Pon- 
tius Pilate  flung  through  a  window,  while  Judas 
who  was  the  bad  man  of  the  place  and  the  only 
one  sufficiently  lost  to  all  sense  of  self-respect  to 
assume  the  role  of  betrayer,  got  away  with  the 
money,  and,  instead  of  hanging  himself  as  the  play 
provided,  got  full  of  Mexican  "budge"  and  inau- 
gurated a  political  revolution  which  lasted  for  near- 
ly twenty-four  hours.  It  is  very  evident  that  the 
Passion  Play  will  never  be  a  success  in  ,this  coun- 
try.— Denver  News. 


"  My  dear,"  said  a  lady  to  her  husband,  "if  you 
were  to  buy  me  the  most  inappropriate  Christmas 
present,  what  do  you  think  it  wuuld  he  ?" 

11  The  most  inappropriate  ?" 

"  Yes,  something  the  most  dissimilar  to  me  and 
my  style  which  you  could  think  of." 

"  O,  I  reckon  an  umbrella  would  be  the  thing — a 
real  fine  umbrella  with  a  gold  handle — " 

"  An  umbrella  !     Gracious  !  why  an  umbrella  ?  " 

"  Why,  you  know  love,  an  umbrella  can  be  shut 
up-"  ^_^ 

"  How  did  you  ever  come  to  run  for  the  legisla- 
ture, anyhow,"  asked  Charles  O'Bear  of  Myer  Hud- 
gins,  a  newly  elected  member  of  the  Missouri  legis- 
lature, who  is  visiting  Austin  for  his  health. 

"  I  did  it  to  bring  disgrace  on  my  uncle.  He 
treated  me  badly  when  I  was  a  boy,  and  I  took  a 
fearful  vow  I  would  humiliate  him,  and  I  have 
done  it." 

"  What  business  is  your  uncle  engaged  in  ?" 

"  He  is  making  shoes  in  the  Ohio  penitentary. " 


A  man  one  day  came  running  into  a  farmyard 
and  hurriedly  cried  for  a  spade.  The  farmer, 
coming  out,  demanded  what  he  wanted  with  it, 
when  the  man  replied  that  his  friend  had  stuck  in 
a  bog  and  he  wanted  to  dig  him  out.  "  How  far 
in  his  he  ?"  inquired  the  farmer.  "Up  to  his 
knees,"  was  the  reply.  "  Then  he  can  pull  him- 
self out  again.  You'll  get  no  spade  here. "  Scratch- 
ing his  head,  while  his  face  bore  evident  signs  of 
grief,  the  stranger  blurted  out:  "  Och,  but,  be 
jaber's,  he's  in  head  first  !" 


During  the  cold  weather  of  last  week,  a  good 
many  wives  were  hinting  to  their  husbands  in  a 
hesitating,  shame-faced  sort  of  way,  as  if  they 
were  themselves  not  quite  sure  about  the  reasona- 
bleness of  the  thing,  that  a  pair  of  diamond  ear- 
rings would  greatly  add  to  their  comfort  when  out 
of  doors. 


A  Florida  man  killed  a  rattlesnake  by  throwing 
a  glass  of  whisky  in  its  face.  It  wasn't  the  effect 
of  the  liquor  that  caused  the  reptile's  death,  but  it 
was  the  horror  at  the  man's  reckless  extravagance. 


'  Quite  a  number  of  Texas  editors  did  not  get  out 
their  papers  about  Christmas-time.  It  was  as 
much  as  they  could  do  to  get  themselves  out — on 
bail. 


"  I  aim  to  tell  the  truth."  "  Yes,"  interrupted 
an  acquaintance,  "  and  you  are  probably  the  worse 
shot  in  America. 


It  is  a  mistake  to  think  that  the  bubble  reputa- 
tion is  always  fooling  around  the  mouth  of  a  can- 


It  is  the  man  with  a  swelled  jaw  who  realizes 
that  silence  is  golden". 


THE     WASP. 


THE     DOGS    OF     WAR. 


Chapter    I. 


The  military  situation  at  Sacramento  is  about 
this  :  Governor  S  ton  em  an  appointed  Mr,  Coaby 
to  the  position  of  Adjutant-General.  In  a  real 
army  this  is  an  olliee  of  no  great  importance  :  an 
adjutant-general  is  simply  a  general  adjutant,  as 
distinguished  From  the  adjutant  of  a  regiment,  who 
is  a  Hist  lieutenant,  and  hears  the  same  relation  to 
the  regiment  and  its  colonel  that  a  first  sergeant 
does  to  a  company  and  its  captain.  The  adjutant- 
general  of  an  army  IS  commonly  an  "Ulcer  ^\'  low 
rank,  whose  duty  it  is  merely  to  transmit  to  his 
superiors  the  orders  of  the  general  commanding-in- 
phief.  He  attends  to  the  countless  details  with 
which  the  general  commanding-in-ohief  cannot 
afford  to  burden  his  mind,  but  he  has  no  inherent 
authority.  He  is  the  hand  of  the  commander's 
brain,  that  is  all. 

Hut  in  the  sham  military  hierarchy  of  our  "Na- 
tional ( iuard  "  the  adjutant-general  is  a  subordi- 
nate highly  magnified,  and  shines  not  only  by  the 
reflected  light  of  the  Governor,  but  by  an  illumi- 
nation of  his  own  evolving.  He  has  the  rank  of 
major-general,  and  besides  his  other  dignity  may 
be  inspector-general,  commissary-general,  quarter- 
master-general, chief- of -ordnance  and  chief -of - 
statf.  Better  than  all,  he  hits  a  salary  of  §3,000  a 
year.  The  position,  furthermore,  has  come  to  have 
some  traditional  importance  as  a  hoise-block  from 
which  to  mount  the  political  charger.  A  dismissed 
adjutant-general — they  do  not  readily  resign  and 
few  are  killed  in  battle — is  held  to  have  a  good 
claim  to  some  fat  civil  appointment. 

It  is  hardly  surprising  that  when  the  Democrats 
got  into  power,  there  was  a  battle-royal  among 
them  for  this  office  ;  nor  that  when  Mr.  Cosby,  an 
ex-Confederate  from  civil  life,  obtained  it  the  small 
Republican  politicians  who  held,  or  had  held,  all 
the  gaudiest  positions  in  the  "National  Guard," 
exalted  their  loyal  voices  in  a  concerted  howl  of 
pain.  Among  these  the  cracked  and  disobedient 
organ  of  ex-Major-General  Sam  Backus,  ex-Adju- 
tant-General and  present  recumbent  of  the  San 
Francisco  Postmastership,  was  loudest,  shrillest 
and  most  disagreeable.  Next  in  volume  was  the 
deep,  discordant  bass  of  Major-General  Barnes, 
who  is  content  to  sit  alongside  any  number  of 
Confederate  brigadiers  in  the  United  States  Senate 
(God  willing)  but  averse  to  official  relations  with 
General  Cosby,  who  "tit  agin  his  country,"  while 
Barnes,  patriotically  prudent,  didn't  tight  at  all. 
For  the  terrible  insubordination  of  uttering  his 
mind  not  wisely  but  too  well  about  the  official  acts 
of  Commander-in-Chief  Stoneman,  General  Barnes 
has  been  asked  to  resign  and  has  complied.  He 
reminds  one  of  the  young  fellow  who  when  his 
girl  asked  to  be  excused  from  marrying  him,  "like 
a  darned  fool  excused  her."  Indeed,  he  is  at  some 
pains  to  explain  that  he  has  been  pretty  tired  of 
fuss  and  feathers  for  a  long  time  ;  and  in  this  he 
recalls  the  words  of  the  immortal  Roman  who  was 
tired  from  the  eternal  city  : 

f    Banished  from  Home  ?    What's  banished  hut  set  free 
From  daily  contact  with  the  things  I  loathe? 
And  I  was  about  to  move  out  town  anyhow." 

Chapter  II. 

One  of  the  unselfish  gentlemen  whose  connection 
with  the  "National  Guard  "  has  been  creditable  to 
themselves  and  it  alike,  and  whose  characters  gave 
it  about  all  the  dignity  it  has  ever  had  ;  a  man 
who  had  no  political  axe  to  grind,  no  unworthy 
ambitions  to  glut  and  no  desire  to  make  money  out 
of  his  position— is  Mr.  VV.  H.  Dimond,  brigadier- 
general  of  the  second  brigade.  He  was  appointed 
by  Governor  Perkins  when  there  was  no  Legisla- 
ture and  was  therefore  not  confirmed,  Foreseeing, 
or  learning,  that  the  present  Democratic  Senate 
was  intent  upon  a  clean  sweep  of  all  Perkins'  un- 
confirmed appointees,  General  Dimond  promptly 
resigned.  Through  Adjutant-General  Cosby,  Gov- 
ernor Stuneman  has  how  asked  him  to  accept  the 
major-generalship  made  more  vacant  by  the  resig- 
nation of  Mr.  Barnes  under  circumstances  related 
above. 

At  the  time  we  write  a  strong  pressure  of  weak 
men  is  being  made  to  induce  Mr.  Dimond  to  de- 
cline "from  patriotic  motives."  Mr.  Backus  has 
gone  to  him  with  a  tear  on  each  side  of  his  nose, 
imploring  him  to  signify  his  refusal  or  he  will  let 
them  drop.  He  has  sworn  that  awful  imprecation 
known  as  a  tinker's  damn  that  if  General  Cosby 
ever  attempts  to  haul  down  the  Americen  flag  he 


will  spot  him  on  the. snoot.  So  hideous,  dismal 
and  portentous  is  his  loyalty  to  the  bar-strangled 
hanger  that  he  avers  that  rather  than  fight  under 
an  ex- Con  federate  he  would  runaway.      Mr.   Back- 

US  invites  Mr.  Di ad  to  share  these  sentiments, 

and  Mr,  Dimond  is,  we  believe,  having  them 
printed,  with  ;i  view  to  considering  the  advisabil- 
ity of  judging  whether  lie  shall  meditate  upon  the 
question  of  giving  them  his  attention. 

Altogether,  events  appear  to  have  reached  an 
exciting  crisis,  and  are  watched  with  the  same  in 
tense  interest  and  lively  solicitude  awarded  to  the 
famous  military  expedition  of  the  King  of  Fiance, 
who,  with  forty  thousand  men,  marched  them  up 
the  hill  and  inarched  them  down  again. 


TRADE     JOURNALS. 

"  Tin  n  a;  n  two  that  wi  n  rottt  n  -kkI  qm  was  sound." 

The  thrifty  philanthropists  of  the  bull-butter 
communion  of  sinneis  have  shown  the  color  of  their 
money  in  places  where  the  spectacle  is  unusual  and 
attractive.  The  editors  of  two  trade  journals  of 
dubious  character  and  problematic  circulation, 
r/te  Merchant  and  The  Grocer  and  Country  Merchant, 
have  surrendered  their  souls  to  the  lascivious  pleas- 
ing of  Mr.  Wilson's  lute,  and  caper  nimbly  to  the 
saponaceous  strain.  Their  joints  being  duly  lubri- 
cated with  oleomargarine,  they  perform  miracles  of 
saltation  and  execute  the  figure  of  falling  over 
their  own  feet  witli  a  gingerly  agility  that  would 
be  creditable  in  a  brace  of  camels  afflicted  with  the 
jerks.  After  Wilson's  fitful  fiver  they  dance  well. 
The  Grocer,  however,  is  a  paper  of  another  sort 
altogether.  (There  would  appear  to  be  a  penury 
of  names  in  the  world  of  grocerdom.  The  Grocer, 
Tin'  Merchant^  The  Grocer  and  Country  Merchant — 
these  be  three.  We  await  with  confidence  the 
founding  of  a  fourth,  intituled  The  Country.)  It 
is  not  enamored  of  the  exceedingly  filthy  lucre  of 
the  oleomargarine  crowd,  and  does  not  dance  to 
their  piping.  When  Mr.  Wilson  takes  snuff'  its 
sternutatory  apparatus  is  unmoved.  It  does  not 
carry  its  conscience  in  its  pocket.  In  short,  it  is 
opposed  to  oleomargarine. 

In  its  issue  of  the  13th  inst.,  this  rani  avis  in 
terra,  an  honest  trade  journal,  published  the  fol- 
lowing, which  we  commend  to  the  thoughtful  at- 
tention of  persons  who  have  an  objectiun  to  dying 
of  the  same  form  of  cholera  that  is  affected  by  the 
vulgar  porker  and  the  ill-bred  "shoat"  : 

One  argument  used  by  the  oleomargarine  manufactur- 
ers is  that  their  substance  is  preferable  to  old  or  rancid 
butter.  This  is  undoubtedly  true  when  "oleo"  is  made 
of  pure  suet  without  adulterants.  The  fact  of  the  mat- 
ter, however,  is  that  pure  suet  is  seldom  used  alone  in  the 
manufacture  of  oleo:  everything  of  a  greasy  nature  can 
be  utilized  in  its  composition.  In  stale  or  rancid  butter, 
on  the  other  hand,  bad  condition  of  the  cream  or  the  state 
of  the  weather  causes  it  to  be  bad,  and  in  consequence  is 
unsalable.  In  the  case  of  oleomargarine,  which  is  at  no 
time  fit  for  use  (though  salable  because  cheap),  when  it 
becomes  aged— as  is  not  the  case  with  rancid  butter — the 
rottenness  of  the  article  engenders  disease.  In  proof  of 
this,  and  in  contradiction  to  what  some  of  the  fastidious 
physicians  at  the  Palace  Hotel  oleomargarine  banquet  as- 
serted, a  number  of  prominent  physicians  of  Chicago 
have  announced  that  the  prevalence  of  what  is  termed 
hog  cholera  in  that  city  during  the  present  winter  arises 
from  no  other  cause,  and  is  traceable  directly  to  the  use 
of  butterine  (oleomargarine),  in  the  composition  of  which 
hog-products  largely  enter.  They  allege  that  the  process 
of  making  the  compound  does  not  require  the  high  tem- 
perature which  is  necessary  to  refine  lard,  and  that  the 
germ  of  the  disease  passes  through  the  process  without 
being  killed.  The  disease  has  become  so  alarmingly  prev- 
alent that  the  officer  who  is  appointed  to  look  after  sellers 
of  butter  intends  to  turn  his  attention  to  the  cheap  board- 
ing-houses and  restaurants  to  see  if  they  impose  upon 
their  customers  oleomargarine  for  butter. 


AN     INFANT     PRODIGY. 


If  there  ever  has  been  a  "musical  prodigy," 
"Young  Albert"  is  one.  Entering  the  unpretentious 
place  where  he  performs,  we  must  confess  to  many 
misgivings  as  to  what  he  really  was  ;  but  we  are 
quite  sure  now  that  he  is  an  "  infant  prodigy." 
Such  wonderful  playing  !  Such  deft  manipulation  ! 
Such,  perfect  technique  !  We  were  most  agreeably 
surprised.  The  most  difficult  braimras  were  per- 
formed with  apparently  the  same  ease  and  grace  as 
the  simplest  coup.  There  are  times  when  the 
glibbest  of  critics  gropes  for  words  to  express  his 
meaning;  occasions  when  he  vainly  attempts  to 
put  the  marionette  adjectives  in  motion;  and  when 
he  at  last  does  succeed  in  doing  so,  he  only  finds 
that  they  do  not  quite  convey  the  great  flood  of 
meaning  which  ebbs  upon  the  shores  of  expression. 
We  are  now  confronting  such  a  difficulty. 

Regardless  of  the  exorbitant  fares  and  freight : 


leaving  the  other  numerous  difficulties  of  procur- 
ing first-class  talent  out  of  consideration  ;  without 
referring  to  the  thrifty  villainy  of  rival  managers, 
who  resort  to  the  most  unscrupulous  means  to 
divert  real  stars  from  their  God-given  orbit  so  they 
may  indulge  in  the  malicious  satisfaction  to  de- 
prive San  Francisco  of  its  share  of  their  light  ana 
influence,  there  is  among  us  at  last,  despite  the 
sneers  of  Eastern  managers,  one  of  those  phenom- 
ena which  are  destined  to  startle  the  world.  To 
say  that  the  playing  of  Young  Albert  is  superbly 
perfect ;  that  he  performs  with  matchless  ease  and 
certainty  ;  that  his  execution  is  faultless  and  bril- 
liant— all  this  seems  so  tame  and  so  insufficient  to 
convey  any  idea  of  the  real  quality  of  his  genius 
that  we  despair  to  describe  the  wonderful  success 
of  that  young  artist. 

It  would  be  neglecting  a  duty  not  to  speak  of  the 
absolute  self-possession,  the  charming  savoir  faire 
which  characterize  his  performance.  It  is  not 
merely  graceful  assurance,  it  is  assured  grace  !  Of 
his  own  compositions,  he  played  a  march  in  E-uchre 
without  a  flaw  and  had  to  repeat  it.  His  sonata  in 
D-raw  was  simply  wonderful ;  he  played  royally, 
nay,  capitally,  and  on  more  than  one  occasion 
moved  all  hearts.  The  gentleman  who  accompanied 
him  was  a  little  snoozer  from  Los  Gatos  ;  a  snoozer 
of  the  deepest  dye  ;  for  he  squealed  when  he  found 
himself  beaten — beaten  out  of  a  paltry  trifle  of 
$27.50.  He  squealed — squealed  worse  that  Young 
Albert — Young  Albert  the  Learned  Pig. 

San  Francisco,  January  88,  1883. 


MICROSCOPIC    MINDS. 


A  meeting  of  the  San  Francisco  Microscopical 
Society  was  held  on  Monday  evening  last,  Profes- 
sor Gasburner  in  the  chair,  and  the  other  members 
standing  round  loose.  Professor  Gasburner  pre- 
sented to  the  Society  some  diatoms  which  he  had 
caught  in  Europe.  Under  the  instrument  these 
creatures  were  seen  to  be  gigantically  bloated  and 
swollen.  Dr.  Stonebug  suggested  that  the  dia- 
toms were  afflicted  with  dropsy,  but  Dr.  Shanks 
believed  that  that  was  their  natural  size.  When 
one  was  let  loose  which  looked  almost  as  large  as 
the  head  of  a  pin  there  was  great  consternation, 
and  it  was  with  difficulty  that  some  of  the  more 
timorous  members  could  be  kept  up  to  their  work. 

The  Chairman  then  exhibited  a  slide  covered 
with  fly-specks,  and  called  attention  to  their  hex- 
agonal appearance.  He  said  they  were  really  cir- 
cular, for  he  had  measured  them  with  a  tapeworm. 
Dr.  Lawn  Tennis  here  sprang  to  his  feet  and 
wanted  to  know  by  what  right  a  ffy-speck  appeared 
hexagonal  if  it  wasn't  hexagonal ;  and  was  only 
quieted  by  Professor  Gasburner  explaining  that  it 
was  "business" — that  all  circular  objects  looked 
that  way  when  placed  close  together.  Dr.  Shanks 
proposed  to  verify  this  with  coins,  if  any  member 
would  entrust  him  with  some — he  had  left  all  his 
in  his  other  trowsers.  This  proposition  robbed  the 
subject  of  all  scientific  interest,  and  most  of  the 
members  immediately  fell  into  profound  slumber, 
each  with  one  eye  open  and  suspiciously  slanted  at 
Dr.  Shanks. 

This  ended  the  proceedings,  and  some  six  hours 
later  the  Chairman,  who  had  been  all  the  time  ab- 
sorbed in  the  spectacle  of  a  microscopical  rough-and- 
tumble  fight  between  an  atom  and  a  molecule, 
uuglued  his  eye  from  the  instrument  and  declared 
that  the  meeting  would  now  "adjourn  slue  die" — 
which  Dr.  Stonebug  imperfectly  understood  as  a 
proposition  to  make  a  journey  to  San  Diego,  and 
vehemently  protested  against  it  until  he  was  cor- 
rected with  a  cuspidore. 


The  Call  Jenkins  remarks,  anent  a  recent  even- 
ing reception  on  Clementina  street,  that  it  "was 
nearly  midnight  before  the  adeaux  were  said." 
"  Adeaux"  is  good,  but  where  did  the  C.  J.  get  it? 
He  is,  as  we  all  know,  an  accomplished  philologist, 
having,  indeed,  advanced  so  far  in  the  science  of 
linguistics  as  to  invent  and  habitually  use  a  lan- 
guage of  his  own — a  tongue  so  original  in  gram- 
mar, construction  and  spelling  that  it  bears  no 
likeness,  let  us  hope,  to  any  other  spoken  in  heaven 
above  or  on  the  earth  beneath,  or  in  the  waters 
under  the  earth.  Moreover,  it  is  acknowledged, 
even  by  the  cultured  aristocracy  of  Tehama  and 
Jessie  streets,  that  the  "  society""  dicta  of  the 
C.  J.,  like  the  religious  dicta  of  the  vicar  of  J.  C. 
are  infallible.  Yet,  for  all  that,  doth  the  demon 
of  curiosity  possess  our  soul  as  we  contemplate 
that  wonderful  word  "adecmx"  and  wonder  what 
the  partiag  guests  were  trying  to  get  through  them 
by  uttering  it. 


THE    WASP 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  MO  AND  S42  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

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SATURDAY,   -    -    -   JANUARY    27,   1883. 


If  God  should  die,  as  in  Richter's  dream  he  did, 
there  would  be  a  certain  impertinence  in  the  sur- 
vival of  man.  The  principle  that  the  creature 
should  not  outlive  the  creator  commends  itself  to 
the  common  sense  of  mankind.  Yet  it  is  sought 
to  retain  the  present  Police  Commsssioners  in 
office — for  life,  apparently — although  the  power 
that  appointed  them  expired  with  the  old  Consti- 
tution. The  courts  were  abolished  whose  Judges 
were  a  part  of  the  machinery  designated  by  law  to 
create  the  Commission  ;  it  is  the  natural,  right  and 
expedient  thing  that  the  Commissioners,  who  have 
now  for  a  long  time  been  holding  office  "on  their 
own  hook,"  should  retire,  and  Mr.  Flynn's  bill 
having  that  end  in  view  ought  to  pass.  In  case  of 
a  vacancy  there  is  at  present  no  means  of  filling  it, 
except  that  by  a  general  law  of  dubious  validity 
the  Governor  may  appoint.  But  we  do  not  want 
the  Governor  appointing  our  local  officers.  We  do 
not  want  this  city  governed  at  Sacramento  nor  at 
Los  Angeles.  If  our  own  Supervisors  cannot  be 
trusted  to  attend  to  so  purely  local  a  matter  as  the 
management  of  our  police  and  tire  departments  the 
obvious  remedy  is  to  elect  Supervisors  who  can  be 
trusted.  Failing  in  that,  we  deserve  all  the  mis- 
rule that  they  inflict.  The  habit  of  looking  to  the 
State  and  State  officers  to  save  us  from  the  legiti- 
mate effects  of  our  own  incompetency  is  a  vicious 
one  ;  it  diverts  our  minds  from  the  necessity  of 
selecting  good  men.  Every  time  our  local  officers 
are  shorn  of  a  portion  of  their  natural  power  there 
is  one  reason  the  less  for  closely  scrutinizing  the 
characters  of  candidates  for  local  office.  Our  police 
and  its  management,  our  fire  department  and  its 
personnel,  are  none  of  the  State's  business  and 
none  of  the  Governor's.  The  alarm  caused  by  the 
assertion  of  the  Chronicle  and  Bulletin  that  Mr. 
Flynn's  bill  originated  in  Mr.  Buckley's  saloon  is 
amusing.  It  is  not  important  where  it  originated 
as  long  as  it  is  a  good  and  sensible  bill,  and  this  we 
believe  it  to  be.     It  aims  to  put  San  Francisco 


upon  the  same  footing  as  regards  its  local  govern- 
ment with  other  counties  and  towns.  The  attempt 
to  treat  a  large  city  as  an  overgrown  baby  incapa- 
ble of  managing  its  own  aflairs  is  one  to  be  re- 
sented. 


While  the  reform  of  the  civil  service  is  an  un- 
questionably desirable  end,  we  think  we  see  in  the 
various  means  of  effecting  it  a  tendency  as  vicious 
a3  any  in  the  thing  to  be  reformed,  and  which  if 
not  checked  will  eventually  re-establish  the  very 
evils  it  is  proposed  to  abolish.  The  bill  recently 
passed  by  Congress  (and  our  proposed  city  charter 
copies  the  mistake)  sets  up  a  commission  with  vari- 
ous duties  and  powers,  which  may  be  all  summed 
up  thus  :  to  keep  politics  out  of  the  civil  service. 
Yet  in  this  commission  the  political  element  is 
distinctly  recognized  :  it  is  provided  that  not  more 
than  two  members  shall  "  belong  to  the  same  po- 
litical party. "  What  is  it  to  belong  to  a  political 
party  ? — what  is  the  test  \  The  thing  is  as  vague 
as  the  memory  of  a  dream  about  a  fog,  but  the 
tendency  of  recognizing  political  parties  by  law  is 
altogether  mischievous.  A  man  appointed  on  a 
civil  service  commission  because  he  is  a  Republican 
may  rightly  and  logically  conclude  that  in  him  the 
influence  of  Republican  ideas  in  appointments  and 
removals  is  legitimized — that  he  is  there  in  the 
Republican  interest  and  that  the  law  sanctions  his 
partisan  devotion.  The  intent  of  the  law  is  not, 
apparently,  to  eliminate  partisan  considerations 
altogether,  but  to  balance  one  set  against  another. 
This,  of  course,  is  not  always  possible,  and  when- 
ever it  happens  that  a  party  has  a  majority  of  the 
Commissioners  its  advantage  will  undoubtedly  be 
pushed  to  the  limit  of  opportunity  and  conscience. 
So  far  as  the  provisions  noted  mean  anything  they 
mean  mischief.  This  thing  of  legitimizing  partisan 
action — as,  for  example,  in  our  primary  election  law 
— even  by  so  much  as  legal  recognition  of  the  ex- 
istance  of  political  parties,  is  a  new  and  dangerous 
step  down  the  declivity  of  popular  government. 
It  leads  us  directly  to  the  devil. 


This  is  an  "anti-railroad"  paper,  certainly,  and 
we  cannot  deny  that  the  Chronicle  is  another.  This 
similarity  serves  to  accentuate  a  difl'erence.  We 
oppose  the  oppressions,  the  extortions,  the  corrup- 
tions of  the  railroad  crowd — their  greed,  their  dis- 
regard of  law,  their  selfish  and  brutal  interference 
with  all  the  industries  that  they  can  lay  under 
tribute,  their  evasion  of  taxation,  their  meanness. 
The  Chronicle  does  this  and  more :  it  fights  them 
with  the  same  kind  of  dirty  weapons  that  they  use 
themselves  ;  refutes  their  lies  with  lies  of  superior 
magnitude  ;  for  a  foul  blow  at  the  general  pros- 
perity retaliates  with  a  fouler  blow  at  some  private 
reputation  ;  and  seeing  some  industry  struggling 
under  exaction,  champions  it  by  blackmailing  its 
assailant.  In  short,  within  its  smaller  sphere  of 
evil  the  Chronicle  is  meaner  and  more  mischievous 
than  its  antagonist.  In  illustration  of  these  re- 
marks, note  its  course  regarding  the  deplorable  ac- 
cident on  the  Tehachapi  grade.  Taking  a  coward- 
ly advantage  of  what  it  supposed  to  be  a  feeling  of 
public  indignation,  it  promptly  came  to  the  front 
with  bitter  accusations  against  the  management  of 
the  line  on  which  it  occurred.  This  it  did  before 
it  had  any  light  at  all  on  the  matter  ;  before  any 
living  person  knew,  or  could  know,  by  whom,  or 
how  it  was  caused.  For  ought  anybody  could  know 
then,  the  culprit  might  have  been  a  pebble  in  the 
coupling  of  an  air-brake  hose.  Let  us  assume  that 
it  was  caused  by  the  carelessness  or  incompetence 
of  an  employee.  On  that  one  line  the  Company 
employs  hundreds  of  employees,  any  one  of  whom 
by  inattention  can  send  a  train  load  of  people  to 
their  death.  And  they  are  all  human,  therefore 
all  fallible.     The  angels  will  not  hire  out  as  rail- 


road hands,  even  for  Charles  Crocker.  So  far, 
there  is  absolutely  no  evidence  tending  to  showi 
moral  guilt  on  the  part  of  the  managers  of  thi) 
Southern  Pacific  Railroad.  That  they  may  justly  | 
be  held  to  pecuniary  responsibility  is  quite  likely, , 
but  we,  at  least,  are  willing  to  wait  for  the  proofs. 

So  long  as  people  choose  to  be  transported' 
through  the  air  at  a  high  rate  of  speed  no  human! 
prevision  can  protect  them  from  the  danger  o£i 
death  by  the  way.  The  mechanical  and  other' 
arrangements  for  so  transporting  them  are  neces-' 
sarily  of  a  most  complex  character,  and  with  each 
new  complexity  for  speed,  comfort  or  security  is 
added  a  new  peril  of  derangement.  Without  a 
high  pressure  of  steam  the  train  cannot  go  as  fasti 
as  we  wish  ;  a  high  pressue  of  steam  is  what  ex-' 
plodes  the  boiler.  With  unheated  cars  we  should, 
suffer  from  cold  ;  when  the  train  upsets  the  stoveej- 
set  it  on  fire.  A  switch  is  necessary  in  order  to 
avoid  collisions ;  misplaced  it  causes  one.  What- 
would  we  have  1  We  ask  to  be  shot  along  the i 
ground  from  place  to  place  like  a  cannon  ball. 
Nature  not  having  supplied  the  means,  man  must 
provide  them.  But  he  cannot  provide  steam  that 
will  push  in  but  two  directions,  metal  that  will  not 
give  way,  brakes  that  know  when  to  apply  them- 
selves, fire  that  will  burn  coal  but  not  wood,  and  fflt 
thousand  other  things  for  the  lack  of  which  ihfii, 
women  and  children  die  on  railroads.  But  what; 
he  chiefly  cannot  provide  are  an  always  obedienW' 
hand,  an  always  infallible  mind,  so  to  regulate! 
adjust  and  control  the  complicated  and  delicatft> 
machinery  he  has  invented  that  all  its  parts  will 
work  with  exactness  and  no  small  imprecision  takai 
a  score  of  human  lives. 


Our  citizens — some  of  them — are  subscribing  to 
a  fund  for  the  re-edification  of  the  conservatory  i: 
the  Golden  Gate  Park.  This  is  a  worthy  objec 
Not  only  should  the  conservatory  be  rebuilt, 
good  as  it  was  before,  but  it  should  be  made  mor 
useful.  The  Park  should,  in  our  judgment — an! 
we  know  Commissioner  Pixley  is  of  the  same  mini 
— be  something  more  than  a  mere  pleasure  resorl 
It  should  be  a  distributing  center  for  rare  an; 
beautiful  plants  not  easily  otherwise  obtainable 
This  can  be  done  at  no  expense.  Such  seeds,  cut 
tings  and  roots  as  can  be  spared  should  be  freel; 
given  away  on  orders  from  the  Commissioners  o 
the  Superintendent.  The  florists  and  nurserymei 
would  "kick,"  no  doubt,  and  by  the  vigor  of  the! 
kicking  we  could  estimate  the  public  benefit  of  th 
plan.  Another  thing  :  while  the  Commissioner 
are  projecting  other  novel  and  interesting  improv 
ments — such  as  a  "  speed  track  "  to  allure  the  hor 
sey  gentlemen  who  wear  dog's-head  scarf-pins  ant 
carry  lady's-leg  walking  sticks — why  not  pay  out  I 
small  sum  for  insurance  1  An  insurance  policy  0] 
the  new  conservatory  would  greatly  add  to  iti 
beauty  as  viewed  from  the  standpoint  of  a  tax 
payer  and  a  man  of  business.  Through  the  Com- 
missioners' neglect  of  this  simple  precaution  we  ar( 
now  compelled  to  rebuild  the  conservatory  by  pri- 
vate subscription.  We  have  the  honor  to  sugges 
that  the  hat  be  passed  round  to  Messrs.  Lelanc 
Stanford,  John  Rosenfeld  and  Frank  Pixley,  anc 
that  no  change  be  given  for  poker-checks  and  sus- 
pender buttons. 

The  resolution  of  the  Railroad  Commissioned 
calling  on  all  the  railroad  companies  in  the  State  t( 
furnish,  under  oath,  a  list  of  all  persons  who  receive 
from  them  a  salary  of  more  than  five  thousand  dol- 
lars a  year  is  causing  considerable  consternation 
at  the  Bulletin  and  Argonaut  establishments. 
Galled-jade  Fitch  and  gaUed-jade  Pixley  wince 
but  Colonel  Jackson's  withers  are  unwrung.  H( 
is  borne  on  the  books  as  a  switch -tender,  and  get! 
but  thirty  dollars  a  month. 


THE     WaSP. 


PRATTLE. 


A  bill  has  been  introduced  into  the  Legislature 
:  taking  it  a  misdemeanor  to  have  a  stove  in  a  rail- 
way car,  for  when  the  car  is  upset  the  fire  in  the 
tove  sets  the  wreck  ablaze.  The  glass  in  the  car 
vinii. -■.-,  s  frequently  annoys  the  passengers  under 
imilar  circum stances.  Why  not  prohibit  glass  in 
ar  windows  '.  Sometimes  when  a  car  is  smashed 
uto  matchwood  the  passengers  are  stuck  so  full  of 
plinters  that  they  experience  no  small  inconven- 
3ace.  Let  us  be  consistent  and  enforce  the  aboli- 
ion  i  if  woodwork.  The  wheels  are  more  or  less  in 
he  way  too,  sometimes,  when  a  fellow  has  sifted 
town  between  the  platforms  <>f  two  moving  cars. 
?erhaps,  upon  the  whole,  it  would  be  wise  to  pro- 
libit  railway  cars  altogether  and  let  the  passenger 
ide  securely  to  his  destination  upon  the  two  feet 
>f  him. 


If  railway  cars  are  not  to  be  heated  by  stoves 
;hey  must  apparently  be  heated  by  steam.  Then 
vheii  the  train  is  ditched  and  the  pipes  broken — 
veil  you  know  how  it  would  be,  yourself.  If  both 
systems  were  in  use  on  alternate  days  there  would 
3e  the  advantage  of  variety,  and  the  intending 
lorpse  could  have  his  choice  whether  to  be  roasted 
>e  boiled — whereby  all  could  be  suited. 


Poor  Lily  never  -joes  to  sleep 
But  tirst  she  takes  a  prudent  peep 
Beneath  the  bed,  lest  hid  from  view 
There  lurk  some  rich  and  handsome  Jew. 
Not  there,  O  Lily,  and  not  thus 
The  rich  young  Jews  are  dangerous. 
To  get  your  gems  they'll  never  come— 
The  peril  is  they'll  bring  you  some. 
Turn  down  the  blankets,  child,  with  care- 
Turn  down  the  blankets  and  look  there. 


A  man  in  Chicago  having  thrown  his  grandmother 
out  of  a  cart,  breaking  her  leg,  the  judge  before 
wbom  he  was  held  felt  justified  in  sending  him  to 
jail  for  as  long  a  time  as  six  months.  The  circum- 
stance that  the  old  lady  was  partially  paralyzed 
and  her  leg  therefore  was  of  little  service  to  her 
had,  no  doubt,  as  no  doubt  it  ought  to  have  had, 
some  mitigating  significance,  but  the  incident 
shows  that  a  Chicago  man  is  worse  than  the  devil, 
anyhow  ;  for  on  a  church  at  Breslau,  Silesia,  is  a 
sculpture  representing  Satan  wheeling  his  grand- 
mother in  a  barrow — a  truly  touching  example  of 
filial  piety.  The  suggestion  that  he  is  taking  her 
out  to  the  ash-heap  was  first  made,  I  understand, 
by  a  man  from  Chicago. 


Lucky  Baldwin's  wound  is  not  doing  as  well  as  it 
was  hoped  it  would,  and  it  is  now  feared  that  he 
will  recover.  His  returning  appetite  is  considered 
a  most  dangerous  symptom,  and  the  attending  un- 
dertaker has  about  given  him  up.  Unless  there 
should  ensue  some  unforseen  check  to  the  fearful 
progress  of  his  recuperative  powers  the  community 
will  soon  be  shrouded  in  the  deepest  gloom. 


When  a  husband  in  the  wrong  appears, 
A  prudent  wife  has  nor  eyes  nor  ears. 

She. 
Tis  true,  my  love— it  is  true  enough  : 
No  eyes  to  blacken,  no  ears  to  cuff. 


Now  it  came  to  pass  that  Deadbeete,  the  son  of 
Bigbilque,  set  up  a  shop  where  he  sold  at  retail 
unto  the  people.  And  that  which  he  sold  was 
named  oleomargarine  in  his  advertisements  which 
he  sent  abroad  in  the  land,  and  it  was  also  stamped 
after  that  fashion  ;  and  the  same  is  made  of  cat. 
And  the  people  were  of  the  tribe  Old  Smarty,  and 
they  took  counsel  together,  they  and  their  wives, 
and  they  said,  This  duck  is  a  fraud  ;    forasmuch  as 


he  is  a  disciple  of  Wilson  and  a  serving  man  of 
Mastick  he  would  have  us  believe  that  oleomar- 
garine is  the  same  as  butter,  therefore  that  which 
he  sells  is  butter  and  not  oleomargarine.  Behold, 
now  if  we  buy  we  beat  him.  And  multitudes  came 
and  did  buy,  and  when  they  had  bought  they  wink- 
ed and  said,  We  have  made  the  difference  in  price, 
and  are  not  taken  in  with  cat.  But  lo  !  in  the 
middle  of  the  night,  after  they  had  partaken  thereof 
and  slept,  they  rose  and  came  forth,  each  in  his  lit- 
tle nighty,  and  mounted  the  fences  and  crept  along 
the  ridge-poles  of  the  woodsheds  and  lifted  up  then- 
voices  and  miaoued  and  said  pht-pht  !  For  they 
were  full  of  cat. 


Once,  in  the  county  of  Marin, 
Where  milk  is  sold  to  purchase  gin — 
Renowned  for  butter  and  renowned 
For  fourteen  ounces  to  the  pound, 
A  bull  stood  watching  every  turn 
Of  Mi-.  Wilson  with  a  churn, 
As  that  deserving  worthy  stalked 
About  him,  eying  as  he  walked, 
El  Toro's  sleek  and  silken  hide, 
His  neck,  his  flank  and  all  beside  ; 
Thinking  with  secret  joy  :     "  I'll  spread 
That  mammal  on  a  slice  of  bread  !  " 

Soon  Mr.  Wilson's  keen  concern 
To  get  the  creature  in  his  churn 
Unhorsed  his  caution — made  him  blind 
To  the  fell  vigor  of  bullkind, 
Till,  filled  with  valor  to  the  teeth, 
He  drew  his  dasher  from  its  sheath 
And  bravely  brandished  it ;   the  while 
He  smiled  a  dark,  portentous  smile  ; 
A  deep,  sepulchral  smile  ;   a  wide 
And  open  smile  which,  at  his  side, 
The  churn  to  copy  vainly  tried  ; 
A  smile  so  like  the  dawn  of  doom 
That  all  the  field  was  palled  in  gloom, 
And  all  the  trees  within  a  mile, 
As  tribute  to  that  awful  smile, 
Made  haste,  with  loyalty  discreet, 
To  fling  their  shadows  at  his  feet. 
Then  rose  his  battle-cry  :     "  I'll  spread 
That  mammal  on  a  slice  of  bread  !  " 

To  such  a  night  the  day  had  turned 
That  Taurus  dimly  was  discerned. 
He  wore  so  meek  and  grave  an  air 
It  seemed  as  if,  engaged  in  prayer, 
This  thunderbolt  incarnate  had 
No  thought  of  anything  that's  bad  : 
This  concentrated  earthquke  stood 
And  gave  his  mind  to  being  good. 
Lightly  and  low  he  drew  his  breath — 
This  magazine  of  sudden  death  ! 
All  this  the  thrifty  Wilson's  glance 
Took  in  and  crying,  "  Now's   my  chance," 
Upon  the  bull  he  sprang  amain 
To  put  him  in  his  churn.     Again 
Rang  out  his  battle-yell :     "  I'll  spread 
That  mammal  on  a  slice  of  bread  !  " 

Sing,  Muse,  that  battle-royal — sing 
The  deeds  that  made  the  region  ring, 
The  blows,  the  bellowing,  the  cries, 
The  dust  that  darkened  all  the  skies, 
The  thunders  of  the  contest— all — 
Nay,  none  of  these  things  did  befall. 
A  yell  there  was— a  rush— no  more  : 
El  Toro,  tranquil  as  before, 
Still  stood  there  basking  in  the  sun, 
Nor  of  his  legs  had  shifted  one  ; 
Stood  there  and  conjured  up  his  cud 
And  meekly  munched  it.      Scenes  of  blood 
Had  little  charm  for  bim.     His  head 
He  merely  nodded  as  he  said  : 
"  I've  spread  that  butterman  upon 
A  slice  of  Southern  Oregon." 


The  "cold  snap"  is  over,  we  have  had  a  wet 
snap,  and  now  we  shall  probably  be  favored  with 
a  warm  snap  ;  but  thou  hast  all  snaps  for  thine 
own,  O  death,  and  I  wish  you  would  tackle  the  dis- 
tasteful dunce  who  invented  the  word.  I  could 
forgive  the  man  who  first  parted  his   hair   on  the 


side  of  his  head,  and  can  tolerate  the  maledic- 
torian  who  wishes  me  a  "merry  Christmas"  or  a 
"  happy  New  Year,"  never  by  any  chance  varying 
his  adjectives.  But  the  measureless  miscreant  who 
set  the  fashion  of  calling  a  period  of  time  a  ' *  snap  " 
I  would  kill  if  I  could  get  at  him.  And  then  I 
suppose  the  disembodied  wretch  would  be  given  a 
gridiron  alongside  that  reserved  for  my  own  im- 
mortal part,  and  make  himself  a  portion  of  the 
penal  apparatus  by  occasionally  speaking  of  eter- 
nity as  a  hot  snap. 


In  childhood's  hungry  days,  long  fled, 

'Twas  matter  of  renowD 
That  always  when  we'd  dropped  our  bread 

The  butter  side  was  down. 

Hard  was  the  law,  but  Nature  still 

To  reparation  runs  : 
And  that  which  works  the  fathers  ill 

Will  benefit  the  sons. 

Our  children  drop  their  slices,  faced 

With  fat  from  the  machine— 
The  dirt  that  clings  improves  the  taste 

Of  oleomargarine. 


During  the  past  week  the  word  "  holocaust "  has 
probably  been  used  in  the  daily  newspapers  not 
more  than  three  hundred  times.  This  is  unusual 
moderation,  considering  the  superb  opportunities. 
I  should  advise  newspaper  writers  to  get  all  the  sat- 
isfaction they  can  out  of  that  noble  word  before 
some  cold-nosed  chap  rises  in  his  place  and  rubs 
the  bloom  off  it  by  telling  them  what  it  means. 


The  circumstance  that  the  Berkeley  powder  mill 
exploded  with  such  terrible  results  while  Sunday- 
work  was  going  on  for  the  first  time  in  a  year  will 
be  made  the  most  of  to-morrow  in  the  various  pul- 
pits. When  the  good  parsons  have  rounded  off 
their  solemn  warning  to  Sabbath-breakers,  I  hope 
they  will  not  fail  to  use  the  dreadful  railway  ac- 
cident of  Saturday  to  make  another  set  of  sinners 
uncomfortable,  too. 

'Tis  wicked  to  labor  on  Sunday, 
On  Saturday  wicked  to  travel  : 

For  you're  blown  up  sky-high  on  the  one  day, 
On  t'other  you're  ditched  in  the  gravel 
And  roasted  before  you  can  cavil. 


I  know  a  lady  who  cannot  at  all  times  command 
the  exact  word  that  she  wishes  to  speak.  On  Mon- 
day morning  last  I  had  the  happiness  to  meet  her 
on  the  Oakland  ferry-boat.  "  Have  you  heard  the 
dreadful  news  from  Berkeley  ?  "  she  asked.  I  had 
not  the  heart  to  deprive  her  of  the  pleasure  of  be- 
ing first  to  impart  it.  "  Why,"  she  explained, 
with  great  vivacity,  "  the  powder  mill  over  there 
has — it  has — eloped  !  " 

Of  the  sycophant  chap  it  has  long  been  said, 

In  a  semi-contemptuous  way, 
That  he  knows  very  well  which  side  of  his  bread 

The  butter  is  on.     To-day 

'Tis  a  sorrowful  thing  to  say. 

Since  oleomargarine  camped  in  the  land 
It  has  added  an  ill  to  his  lot; 
For  he  still  cannot  choose  but  to  understand 
Which  surface  the  smearing  has  got — 
Though  he  really  would  rather  not. 


There  is  a  marked  improvement  in  the  religious 
press  ;  it  is  giving  more  attention ,  to  living  topics 
and  less  to  dead.  That  is  to  say,  obituary  notices 
of  deceased  brethren  are  growing  shorter,  editorial 
approvals  of  swindling  enterprises  longer. 


Definition  from  The  Bulletins  Unabridged  Dic- 
tionary of  the  XTptonese  Language  :  ' c  Bloodcurd- 
ling holocaust,  n.     A  smash-up  on  a  railway." 

AilBEOSE  BlERCB. 


THE    WASP 


MUSICAL     LANGUAGE. 


It  is  instructive  to  note  how  quickly  many  of  the 
foreigners  who  come  over  here  acquire  a  knowledge 
of  our  language,  and  how  free  they  become  in  the 
use  of  it,  smoothing  down  its  native  ruggedness, 
and  giving  it  a  force  and  a  power  previously  nn- 
known.  Mr.  Max  Ludwig  Donderwetterkapfel- 
hausen,  of  Oberspiegelsdorf  on  the  Rhine,  landed 
in  San  Francisco  in  the  spring  of  the  present  year. 
He  found  a  friend  or  two  amongst  the  stores  of 
Kearny  street,  and  after  a  few  months'  mixing  with 
them,  and  a  persistent  study  of  the  peculiarities  of 
our  language,  he  began  to  look  upon  himself  as 
pretty  prohcient  ii.  it.  Mr.  Max  Ludwig  Donder- 
wetterkapfelhausen  was  also  a  musician  ;  he  could 
play  on  every  instrument  of  the  orchestra,  but  the 
instrument  that  he  loved  to  play  on  best  was  his 
own  beautiful  tenor  voice,  which  he  was  never 
weary  of  exercising.  With  the  English  language, 
therefore,  he  learned  a  number  of  our  most  favor- 
ite songs,  which  songs  he  is  never  backward  in 
practising  for  the  amusement  of  himself  and 
friends.  As  an  example  of  his  style  the  following 
version,  which  he  gives  of  the  well  known  ballad 
"  She  wore  a  wreath  of  roses,"  may  be  worth 
study  : 

She  vore  ein  rote  von  wreases 

Ze  virst  dime  zat  ve  met ; 
Her  lofely  gurls  vass  schmiling 

Penead  her  vace  of  shet ; 
Her  lisjht  shtep  had  ze  footness, 

Her  Joyce  ze  voyous  done, 
Ze  dokens  ov  ein  hearty  happ 

Vhere  zorrow  vass  ungnown. 

Ich  zaw  her  pud  ein  momend. 

But  I  zee  mezinks  her  now, 
Mit  ein  wreaze  ov  Summer  zowers 

Upon  her  browy  snow. 

Ein  wreaze  von  borange  lossom 

Ven  negst  she  met  1  vore  ; 
Ze  veatures  of  her  aspegt  vass 

More  zurrowfuller  as  pefore. 
Und  by  her  shtand  vass  siding  von 

Who  shtrove,  und  nod  in  fain, 
Zu  fall  away  ze  viping  tear 

Unt  ease  mit  her  zome  pain. 

Ich  zaw  her  pud  ein  momend, 
Put  I  zee  mezinks  her  now, 

Mit  ein  wreaz  von  zummer  oranges 
Ubon  her  browy  znow. 

AThen  negst  I  fee  zose  seatures 

Nicht  ridal  brease  izt  zere, 
Ein  zombre's  wittow  gab  gongeals 

Zat  lunch  ouxuriant  hair  ; 
She  veeps  in  zolid  zilentude, 

Und  zere  ist  nairvon  near, 
Zu  hant  her  glasp  mitin  zein  own, 

LTnt  vibe  avay  no  dear. 

Ich  zaw  her  pud  ein  momend, 
Put  I  zee  mezinks  her  now, 

Mit  ein  wreaz  of  orrid  blozzoms 
Upon  her  browy  znow. 


A     BATCH     OF     REGRETS, 


A  meeting  of  citizens  was  held  on  Saturday 
evening  last  with  the  charitable  object  of  relieving 
the  sufferers  by  the  inundations  in  Europe.  The 
following  letters  were  received  from  prominent 
gentlemen  who  had  been  invited  to  be  present  and 
contributp. 

From  Governor  Stoneman. 

'L  Perhaps  you  do  not  know  what  it  is  to  be 
Governor :  it  ties  a  man  up  like  a  dog.  I  fully 
sympathize  with  the  object  of  the  meeting  and 
hope  all  who  hold  office  under  me  will  contribute 
liberally.     See  you  later." 

From   the  Acting   Chancellor  of  the  Feench 
Consulate. 

"  Mister  ze  Consul  is  sicker  zan  one  horse.  He 
moch  regret  zat  from  ze  meeting  he  eez  compel  to 
make  himself  scarce.  Accep  ze  insurance  of  his 
consideration  distinguis,  and  zat  he  weesh  well  to 
ze  fund." 

From  the  Japanese  At  ting-Consul. 

"  I  have  to  state,  in  reply  to  your  kind  invita- 
tion to  Mr.  Yanagiya,  the  Consul,  that  he  is  at 
present  in  Yokohama,  and  is  not  expected  back 
until  eight  o'clock  Sunday  morning.  He  authori- 
zes me  to  siy  that  if  he  were  here  he  would  jump 
at  the  chance  to  give  something  to  so  noble  a 
cause.     It  was  a  great  mistake  not  to  invite  we." 

From  the  Consul  of  Paraguay. 
"  While    cordially   sympathizing  with  the  sub- 
lime  object  of    the   meeting,  and   expressing  my 


burning  desire  to  contribute  something  whenever 
your  collector  has  the  good  luck  to  find  me,  I  regret 
to  say  that  I  have  just  paid  out  my  last  doubloon 
to  the  sufferers  by  the  drought  in  Soudan.  I  have 
the  distinguished  honor  to  be  P.  J.  Van  Loben." 

From  ex-Governor  Woods. 

"  America  !  the  hope  and  pride  of  the  world, 
the  asylum  for  the  oppressed  of  all  nations,  is  ever 
foremost  "in*  deeds  of  charity,  and  I,  as  her  child, 
am  eager  to  share  her  glory  of  giving ;  but  in  this 
particular  instance  I  am  suffering  from  a  broken 
leg,  spinal  hiatus  and  convexity  of  diaphragm. 
The  friend  of  the  destitute, 

"  Geo.  Woods. 

lt  P.  S.     Columbia  is  the  gem  of  the  ocean." 

From  the  Editor  of  the  Wasp. 
"  On  receipt  of  your  invitation  and  on  learning 
the  object  of  the  meeting,  I  sent  a  note  to  my 
horrible  contemporaries,  Deacon  Fitch,  Colonel 
Jackson,  Judge  De  Young,  Father  Pickering,  Phil- 
osopher Greathouse  and  the  Rabbi  Pixley,  suggest- 
ing that  every  one  of  them  give  ten  dollars  to  the 
fund.  I  regret  to  say  that  by  each  of  these  small 
souls  the  intimation  was  treated  with  the  same  con- 
tumelious indifference  that  distinguishes  him  when- 
ever the  benevolent  make  an  appeal  to  the  sphinc- 
ter muscle  of  his  pocket.  I  am  therefore  unable  to 
forward  you  anything  but  my  best  wishes,  for 
which  the  messenger  is  instructed  to  collect  twenty- 
five  cents  on  delivery." 


NEWS     0'     THE     WEEK. 


Smash  ! Bang  ! Frauds  in  Street  Depart- 
ment.— - — Frauds  in  the  measurement  of  vessels. 

Frauds  in  the  State  prisons. Frauds  in  the 

Pension  Office. Frauds  in  the  Harbor  Commis- 
sion.   Assorted     frauds.  — —Child     vigorously 

prosecuted  for  stealing  a  cake. William  Mathe- 

son  rested  his  arm  on  the  muzzle  of  his  gun.  Pen- 
sion for  William. Dead  auctioneer  next  week 

in  front  of  the  Wasp  office.     All  are  invited. 

Overcoat  stolen  from  rooms  of  Board  of  Educa- 
tion. Thief  welcome  to  the  applications  for  ap- 
pointment if  he  will  restore  the  coat. Messrs. 

Simon,  Koch,  Levi,  Levi  and  Levi  have  tiled  arti- 
cles of  incorporation  to  till  the  soil.  HiL'h  old 
grangers  !  No  money  in  New  City  Hall  fund. 
Commissioners  nobly  resolve  to  serve  without  com- 
pensation.—  — No    money   in    Golden   Gate   Park 

fund.     Commissioners  n.   r.   to  s.    without  c. 

Meeting  to  raise  money  for  sufferers  by  inunda- 
tions in  Germany.  Many  wealthy  and  prominent 
citizens  cheerfully  contribute  letters  of  enthusias- 
tic  sympathy. Busted   cattle   dealer. Dead 

Freemason. Looks  as  if  our  anti-oleomargarine 

bill  would  be  the  successful  one.     Please  pass  the 

butter,  Mr.  Wilson. Quake  at  the  City  of  the 

Angels.— Andrews  and  Stoekwell  heap  gone.— 
Comstock  mine  managers   now    levy   assessments 
along  the  Geiger  Grade,  by  the  struggling  moon- 
beam's misty  light. Investigation  of  every  body 

by  Legislative  Committees.     Investigate  us. 


THE     LUCKLESS    "  LUCKY. ' 


So  far  as  our  observation  goes  but  three  papers 
in  the  State  have  dared  to  insinuate  that  E.  J. 
Baldwin,  "Lucky"  Baldwin,  was  not  the  aggrieved 
party  in  the  shooting  affair  in  San  Francisco  the 
other  day— we  mean  the  Stockton  Mail,  San  Fran- 
cisco Wasp,  and  the  Delta,.  It  is  a  shameful  fact 
that  the  great  dailies  of  San  Francisco  are  so  mor- 
tally afraid  of  E.  J.  Baldwin  and  his  millions  that 
they  dare  not  use  their  columns  for  the  purpose  of 
exposing  his  rascally  designs  upon  unprotected  vir- 
tue. If  there  is  no  law  to  reach  such  men  as  Bald- 
win, the  press  at  least  should  not  uphold  them.  If 
Baldwin  were  not  worth  a  dollar  the  city  papers 
would  be  on  his  track  worse  than  bloodhounds  on 
the  foot-steps  of  a  slave.  We  are  tired  of  this 
fawning  upon  the  rich,  and  when  a  millionaire  dis- 
cards every  principle  of  honor  in  order  to  gratify 
his  base  passion,  public  sentiment  should  make 
things  so  hot  for  him  that  he  would  prefer  to  re- 
side in  Hades.  "Lucky"  Baldwin  has  been  mixed 
up  with  more  disgraceful  love  (I)  affairs  than  there 
are  days  in  the  month,  and  the  latest  news  from 
the  front  is  to  the  effect  that  Miss  Salina  Abbott, 
of  Los  Angelos,  either  has  or  is  about  to  bring  suit 
against  him  for  seduction  and  breach  of  promise. 
One  of  these  tine  days  he  will  run  against  a  woman 
who  has  had  some  practice  with  the  revolver,  and 
the  chances  are  that  the  hole  in  his  arm  will  be 
duplicated  by  one  through  his  body.  —  Visalia  Delta. 


LYDIA  E.  PBNKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

Ip  a  Positive  Cure 

For  nil  thonc  Pnlnfu  I  Complaints  and.  Weaknesses 

so  cunmion  to  our  best  female  population. 

A  medicine  for  Woman.    Invented  by  a  Woman. 
Prepared  liy  a  Woman. 

The  Greatest  Medical  Discovery  SIneo  the  Dawn  or  History. 

G?~It  revives  the  drooping;  spirits,  invigorates  and 
harmonizes  the  organic  functions,  gives  elasticity  and 
firmness  to  the  step,  restores  the  natural  lustre  to  the 
eye,  and  plants  on  the  pale  cheek  of  woman  the  fresh 
roses  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
£3?~  Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe  It  Freely  ""©d 

It  removes  faint ness,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 
for  stimulant,  and  relieves  weakness  of  the  stomach. 

That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  its  use. 

For  the  cure  of  Kidney  Complaints  of  cither  sex 

this  Compound  In  unsurpassed. 

I/TOIA  E.  PIXKIIA1TS  BLOOD   PURIFIER 

will  eradicate  every  vest  ice  of  Humors  from  Hie 
Blood,  and  trii-e  tone  and  strength  to  the  system,  ot 
man  woman  or  child.    Insist  on  having  it. 

Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  SI  per  box 
for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
inquiry.    Enclose  3ct.  stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet. 

Uo  family  should  be  without  LYDIA  E.  PINKHAM'S 
LIVER  PILLS.  They  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  box. 

J83"SoId  by  all  Druggists.1^        0) 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Ih  ii  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  the  evil  effects  ot 
youthful  Tollies  and  excesses. 

DR.  I1IKTIE,  who  ia  a  regular  pbynlclno, 
gradual*  of  the  University  or  Pennsylvania, 
will  ngrco  to  forfeit  Five  Hundred  Dollars  for 
aca=coflhekind  the  VITAL  lll.STOItA TIVK 
(under  his  S[iL-ci:il  advice  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  tba 
quantity,  S10.  Sent  to  any  address,  confi- 
de>ti*lly,  by  A.  E.  MINTIE.  M.  D.,  No.  11 
Kearny  Street,  S.  P.     Send  for  pamphlet. 

SAMPLE  BUTTLE  FREE  will  bo  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
oi"¥  and  nee     SIrlot  nwrMT  tn  '"II  irniin actions 


KIQNEV-WORtf 


T« 


E  G^EAT   CURE 


RHEUMATISM- 

As  it  is  for  all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Hheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the   worst  forms   of  this  terrible   disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  $1.  LIQUID  OR  DRY,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 
Or  Dry  can  he  sent  by  mail. 

WELLS,  EICHARDSON  &  Co..  EurlinetonVt 


KI-DNEY-WOrtT 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
lit  worth  $10  tree.  Address  E.  O. 
HIDEOUT  &  CO.,  10  Barcla,ySt.,N.y. 


SST  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 

Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
haustion,  Weakness,  Loss  ol  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 

Price.  $2.50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $ro.oo 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.  D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street.  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying;  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.     Communications  strictly 


THE    WASP. 


i  oiiuli.    Lush  of  Voice.  Inclpleiil  Coii«unii)limi,  and  n 
Throat  and    Lung    I  ion  i>i<  ■-. 

In  nine  ca^es  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IX  THE  HEAD,  or  CHJEST. 
Wot  Loaa  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  ,<  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
nquired  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK     FOB    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    NO     OTHER.         Price',    50    Cents. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Proprs. 

417  Banaonie  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  F. 

DEALERS  _IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  *  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

....AQENTS    FOR 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

8.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Coyering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


i  ( 


The     Waterbury." 


Exact  size  >>f  watch 


We  make  but  one  size  as  above.  "  Series  A"  is  Skele- 
ton Plates  and  Open  Dial.  '"  Series  B  "  is  Solid  plates 
and  Full  Dial  (as  cut  shown  above). 

WATERBURY    WATCH    CO., 

A.  I.  Hall  &  Son, 

528  and  530  Market  Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL., 

Sole  Agents  for  Pacific  Coast. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

,1    Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRI^TINGr 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

.  prompt  attention. 

E.    C.'    HUGHES, 
511    Sansome    Street,  - 


Cor.  Merchant. 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


AKE   HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


House   Decorating  Done  in  the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  trie  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  .Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok   COLOR. 


222 


BUS  ZEi    -STi-iEET 


22 
22. 


FxU? 


ORNIA     FURfy/ 


TU» 


The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles. 


CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE   PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


^FAOTURINQ    00^ 


WHISKIES! 

To  the  Trade. 

We  beg  to  call  attention  to  the  following  full  lines  of 
well-known  brands'  of  Rye  and  Bnurbon  : 

BOITBBON. 

NELSON..-. Fall  79 

MILLED.  C.  C January,  M 

LEX  [NOT!  IN Spring  'SO 

REDMOND Spring'  Ml 

L.  VANHOOK Spring  'SO 

E.  C.  BERRY,  Sour  Mash Fall  79 

MONARCH,  Sour  Mash Spring  'SO 

WILOW  RUN .Fall  79' 

RYE. 

•HORSEY Spring  79  and  'SO 

N  EL.s<  IN Spring  79! 

SHERWOi  ID , Spring  79 

MONTICELLl  I Spring  '80 

MILLER Spring  'SO 

Agents  for  bonded  goods  from  several  distilleries.    Sole 
Agents  for 

l/dolnho  Wolfe's  Selilcdaiii  Aroiuntlc  Scltnnpns. 
I>anii'l   Laivrenee  and  Son's  Hertford  Slum.     ■ 

Willow  Springs  Distilling  Co.'s  Spirits  anil 
Alcohol.  ... 

Kennedy's  East   India    Killers; 
For  sale  to  the  trade  in  lots  to  suit.  ,1 

WM     T.    COLEMAN    &    CO., 

Corner  .Market  and  Main  Streets. 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  .. 


CALIFORNIA 

Safe  Deposit 

AND    

Trust  Company 

32G     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 

San  Francisco,  Cal. 

,*;i!      ^0\  RECTORS: 

J.  D.  FRY,  G.  L.  BRADLEY, 

G.  V.  MACDERJfOT,  NICHOLAS  LUNING, 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  H.  WOODS, 

LLOYD   TEVIS,  CHARLES  MAI-X, 

IIENKY   WADSWOUTH,  "L  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

J.  D.   FRY'-: .-,...-......'. President 

C.   R.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of^few  - 

York) . . . . : ;.-... .-. Treasurer 

WM;  CUNNINGHAM .: .Secretary 

DEPOSITS.  RECEIVED  SUBJECT  TO  (HECK.  IN- 
terest  allowed.on  money  deposited  for  sixty  days  or  ldn'ger. 
This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Finns 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities.  Real  Estate  aud'Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  trie  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  -property  and  .in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will,  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of .  Transfers  of  St6ck 
and  as  Tnisteeundcr  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 
•  Will' hold'  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  eollectiens  and  ren'lir'- 
tjances,* purchase  .Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money,_Fxchange, etc. 
Buy  and  sell  securities,  make  investments  and  ntigotiateToaTis.  " 
Rent  of  safes  in  Safe  Deposit  vaults  from  &2rco  $20 pet ipontlt, 
a'hd  from  ^12  td°S200  ver  year.     '  ' 


HEMJtY    TlfeTJEN. 
-.HENRY  AHRENS./c-jo.     TM.V 


34.-0;^ -PINE  STNEAR  p0l_K 


Morris  <fe   Kennedy. 

19  and  Mi.  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


*«** 


Wi'iiW.    ■■■■.■:■•'  f,i  I'fe.l'     ■:jtf.l  -W-*?.  --iiK   ."    <''"■■■■--'"■■:"'' 


a)  '^sr 


-  -  v*      - 


2sT  -A.  SI  IE 


10 


THE      WASP- 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  £STThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  8S  Wall  street,  New  York. 

BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  S5.  Board,  per  week,  $4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  3ST  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand.  .    , 


OLAUSS    &   WERTHEI&IS'    BOCA    BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  a3T  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco.  ■ 

GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  SST  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
83T  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  t  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


GW.  CHESLEY,  51  FRONT  STREET,  SACRA- 
mento,  CaL,  importer  and  wholesale  liquor  dealer, 
*  sole  agents  for  the  genuine  Rock  and  Rye,  Maple 
Rum  and  the  famous  Cundurango  Bitters. 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  theTown Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  AST  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  Jstreet  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
'  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
ti£T  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     £5TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1S50.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  23T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  $1  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gihnan,  proprietor.  flSTThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,  Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK   YOUR  GROCER  FOR   "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process   Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street, tSan  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors.'" 


AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors.  ■    ■  ' 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO  '  COMPOUND 
but'  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists.    " 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NO AK, 
"agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and'  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     *®"  Send  for  price  list.      ' 


EAGLE  HOTEL/  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  $Q.  Per  day,  Si  to  $1,25; 
Meals,  25  cents.  gST  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  SSOT  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application.-- 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box/  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW,  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.  -Office  and  warerooms,  201  alicT'203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
9  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.    224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal.* 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  £5T  Prin- 
cipal office,' Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  S500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON,  m  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


CONSUMPTION 


I  have  a  positive  re- 
medy for  the  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Us  use  tliotis- 
_  anas  ot  cases  of  the 
worst  kind  and  of  longstanding  have  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
■is  my  faith  In  Its  efficacy,  that  I  will  sond  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  on  this  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DB.T.  A.  3L0CC11,  lsi  Pearl  St.,  N.Y. 


Great  Pacific  Coast  Spring;   Mc<licine. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


AC    +-f\   ©ft A  per.  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  §5  free. 


Address  Stinson  &,  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


$72 


A  WEEK.     S12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


Liver  ami  Kidiiev  It  emulator. 


OREGON    BLOOD 


A   Skin    of    Beauty    is    a    Joy    Forever.  ' 
DR.    T.    FELIX    GOURAUD'S 

Oriental  Cream,  or  Magical  Beautifier, 

-pURIFIES  as  WELL    A3 

-*■        BEAUTIFIES     TilE     SKIN, 

Removes  Tan,  Pimples, 
Freckles,  Moth-Patches, 
and  every  blemish  on  beau- 
ty, and  defies  detection.  It 
has  stood  the  test  of  thirty 
years,  and  is  so  harmless 
we  taste  it  to  be  sure  the 
preparation  is  properly 
made.  Accept  no  counter- 
feit of  similar  name.  The 
distinguished  Dr.  L.  A.  . 
Sayre,  said  to  a  lady  of  the 
hant  ton  (a  patient).  As 
you  ladies  will  use  cream,  I 
recommend  '  GOORAUD'S 
Cream  '  as  the  most  harm- 
less of  all  the  Skin  preparations."  One  bottle  will  last  six  months, 
using  it  t  every  day.  Also,  Poudre  Subtile  removes  superfluous 
hair  without  injury  to  the  skin. 

Miie.  M.  B.  T.  GOURAUD,  Sole  Prop.,  48  Bond  St.,  New  York. 
For  sale  by  all  Druggists  and  Fancy  Goods  Dealers  throughout  the 
United  States,  Canada  and  Europe.  eow 


OWS'M, 


Electric  Appliances  are  sent  on  30  Days'  TriaL 

TO  MEN  ONLY,  YOUNG  OR  OLD, 

WHO  are  suffering  from  Nrrvous  Debility, 
Lost  Vitality,  Lack  of  Nerve  Force  and 
Vigor,  Wasting  Weaknesses,  and  all  those  diseases 
o(  a  Personal  Nature  resulting  from  Abuses  and 
Other  Causes.  Speedy  relief  and  complete  resto- 
ration of  Health, Vigok  and  Manhood  Guaranteed. 
The  grandest  discovery  of  the  Nineteenth.  Centura- 
Send  at  once  (or  Illustrated  Pamphlet  free.    Address 

VOLTAIC  BELT  CO.,  MARSHALL. 


MANHOOD 


REST0I 


DR .  LIE3IG,  400  Geary  Street,  continues 
to  treat  successfully  every  form  of  Chronic  or  Special  Dis- 
ease 'without  mercury,  minerals  or  nauseous  drugs.  DR. 
LIEBIG'S  INYIGORA.TOB  is  the  only  positive  and  perma- 
nent cure  for  nervous  and  physical  debility,  Iobb  of  manhood, 
weakness  and  all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  exces- 
ses and  youthful  follies  One  thousand  dollars  will  be  for- 
feited for  any  case  of  weakness  or  special  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  followed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
aft*r  trying  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR.  LIEBIG'S 
^VIGORATOR,  No.  2,  is  a  specific  for  prostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBIG  &  CO., 
No.  400  Geary  street,  corner  cjf  Mason  street,  San  Francisco.' 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  eow 


CARDS 


New  Styles:  O'otd  lievdud  Midge  and 
Chroma  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality ', 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

loUheachorder.VLiiiioiiliROS.  &  Co.,<JUntunvllle,Conn. 

TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£»OQ  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
^7)  ^O  Francisco— Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in* 
spectea  thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
™J^of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
'^^?,^^^^^^^^^W^  make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  PeraonB  at  a  distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HuME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential."  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box- 1957,  San  Fran, 
cisco.  t  Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 

patiim,  Sick -headache  and  Biliousness  entirely  eured 

PURIFIER! 


See  Local. 


THE    WASP. 


11 


THE     MECCA     OF     FLIRTATION, 


By  a   Pilgrimi 

What  there  is  in  the  ordinarily  prosaic  dusty  - 
carpeted  staircase  which  suggests  flirtation  to  the 
powerful  minds  of  society's  belles  and  beaux,  is  a 
lark  and  impenetrable  mystery;  but  the  fact  re- 
mains, and  from  the  rickety  malodorous  backstairs 
vf  Tehama  street,  whore  the  frowsy  servant  girl 
encompasseth  her  policeman,  to  the  imitation-ma- 
hogany  balustrade  of  Nob  Hill,  the  phenomenon  is 
apparent. 

Whenever  there  is  a  gathering  of  the  oleomar- 
garine de  la  oleomargarine*  of  San  Francisco  fash- 
ionables the  staircase  plays  a  prominent  part,  and 
its  devotees  are  more  numerous  than  a  society  re- 
porter's brains,  or  honest  men  in  Congress.  The 
custom  was  probably,  originated  by  some  level- 
headed girl,  who  either  could  not  dance,  or  was 
troubled  with  enlargement  of  the  feet,  which  ex- 
posed her  to  the  carefully  audible  gibes  of  her 
amiable  contemporaries,  and  she  hit  upon  this 
lucky  expedient  to  maintain  an  equality  with  other 
fair  husband-anglers.  The  fashion  thus  set  has 
grown  popular,  and  now  no  sooner  does  a  young 
woman  set  eyes  on  a  staircase  than  she's  ".so  tired  ; 
let's  sit  down."  Of  course  the  animated  claw- 
hammer coat  on  the  arm  of  which  she  leans  as- 
sents, and  then— tableau — she  is  on  the  stairs,  one 
step  higher  than  the  swain,  looking  unutterable 
things  at  his  preposterous  nose,  while  he  assumes 
a  fascinating,  balconyscene  attitude  and  returns 
glances  of  melting  tenderness,  resembling  the 
watery  eagerness  of  an  expectant  dog,  when  a  bone 
is  imminent. 

Then  a  thoughtless  reveler  passing  below  makes 
some  remark  in  a  shout  about  "flirts,"  or  a  "tete-a- 
hte"  and  their  reward  has  come.  Of  course  both 
of  them  pretend  not  to  have  heard,  but  the  bridling 
feminine  satisfaction  instantly  beams  forth, eclipsed 
only  by  the  killingly  conquering  masculine  com- 
placence. The  lady  feels  an  exultation  akin  to 
that  of  the  '49er  who  had  just  made  an  addition  to 
his  private  graveyard,  and  the  other  inwardly  de- 
clares himself  a  sly  dog  who  ought  to  be  ashamed 
of  being  so  irresistable,  feels  that  he  is  a  des- 
perately wicked  and  deceitful  Don  Juan,  and  is 
happy  in  his  guilt.  What  they  say  to  each  other 
is  a  matter  of  indifference.  The  position  on  the 
stairs  answers  every  purpose,  and  when  Dun  Juan 
makes  a  feeble-minded  remark,  such  as  "Do  you 
like  dancing?"  he  is  rewarded  by  a  look  of  tender- 
ness which  would  charm  the  heart  of  a  wheelbar- 
row. One  of  the  peculiarities  of  flirting  is  that 
the  appearance  is  equal  to  the  reality,  and  since 
the  staircase  affords  facilities  for  assuming  the 
shadow  to  young  ladies  who  are  incapable  of  com- 
manding the  substance,  no  wonder  they  nock 
thither.  Go  to  the  staircase  thou  sluggard  ;  ogle 
thy  partner  and  confound  thy  rivals. 


*Vulgus,  creme  dc  la  creme. 


As  if  there  had  not  been  enough  of  disaster  to 
signalize  the  first  month  of  the  new  year,  we  read 
that  A.  L.  Bancroft  &  Co.  have  severed  all  connec- 
tion with  Professor  Alonzo  Phelps,  and  furthermore 
that  the  firm  never  has  been  responsible  for  any  of 
his  obligations  or  promises.  There  is  a.chivalric 
ring  about  the  name  Alonzo  that  suggests  the  faith- 
less knight  of  the  ballad  who  wooed  the  fair  Imo- 
gene.  By  the  way,  Imogene  was  the  faithless  one, 
and  we  do  the  memory  of  Alonzo  an  injustice  when 
we  insinuate  that  he  was  untrue  to  his  vows.  If 
our  memory  is  correct  regarding  this  later  Alonzo 
— Professor  Alonzo  Phelps — he  was  the  jackal  that 
scented  out  the  biographical  carcass  for  the  worthy 
publishing  firm.  When  Alonzo  the  Brave  found  a 
citizen  vain  enough,  and  rich  enough,  and  foolish 
enough  to  pay  two  or  three  hundred  dollars  for  the 
privilege  of  being  enrolled  in  that  dubious  gang 
entitled  the  "  Representative  Men  of  the  Pacific 
Coast  "  he  led  him  to  the  Bancroft  den,  took  his 
photograph,  jotted  down  the  particulars  of  his 
measles  and  teething  days,  and  the  bargain  was 
clinched  there  and  then.  But  these  worthy  peo- 
ple have  quarreled  and  Alonzo's  drafts  on  the 
Bancrofts  will  be  honored  no  mom  We  should 
like  to  know  what  they  fought  about.  Was  it  a 
"  divvy  "  on  some  biography  bonanza  ? 


A  recent  writer  in  the  China  Review  exemplifies 
the  difficulties  surrounding  interpretation  from  Chi- 
nese into  English,  or  vice  versa,  by  mentioning  that  | 


the  simple  question,  Was  he  for  she)  dead  ?  which 
occurs  so  frequently  in  inquests  and  other  judicial 
proceedings,  admits  of  a  positive  or  negative  reply 
according  to  whether  the  European  or  Chinese  idea 
as  to  when  death  occurs  be  followed.  We  believe 
that  a  man  is  dead  when  he  lias  ceased  to  breathe, 
and  when  his  blood  no  longer  circulates ;  the  Chi- 
neae  consider  him  still  alive  while  a  trace  of 
warmth  lingers  in  the  body.  The  two  estimates 
may  thus  differ  by  several  hours.  Hence  it  was 
that  in  inquests  in  Hongkong  the  time  of  death 
formed  a  stumbling-block  in  almost  every  Chinese 
case.  The  medical  evidence  would  show  that  the 
deceased  must  have  been  dead  when  brought  to 
the  hospital,  while  the  relatives  would  swear  he 
was  alive  at  the  gate.  Subsequent  inquiry  showed 
that  the  general  view  among  the  Chinese  was  that 
a  person  is  considered  to  be  dead  when  the  body  is 
cold,  and  not  before.  This  important  disagreement 
does  not  affect  the  investigations  conducted  here. 
In  California  Americans  and  Chinese  unite  in  con- 
sidering a  man  dead  when  he  has  gone  to  work  in 
a  powder  mill. 


The  daily  newspapers  are  making  the  customary 
exposure  of  theft.  This  time  it  is  in  the  street  de- 
partment. This  branch  of  the  public  disservice 
has  been  a  nest  of  thieves  from  the  founding  of 
the  city.  There  has  never  been  a  time  when  it 
was  honestly  conducted,  and  nobody  has  ever 
thought  it  to  be  so.  It  is  apparently  maintained 
for  no  other  purpose  than  to  permit  such  fellows 
as  ex-Supervisor  Parrish  to  enrich  his  rascally 
backers  and  his  relatives  while  remaining  indubi- 
tably poor  and  conspicuously  honest  himself.  It 
costs  more  in  San  Francisco  to  sweep  a  street  or 
unchoke  a  sewer  than  it  ought  to  cost  to  make  one ; 
and  after  all  it  is  the  very  nastiest  city  in  the 
world,  and  its  people  die  of  malaria,  diphtheria 
and  all  manner  of  preventible  disease  faster  than 
the  devil  can  replace  them.  It  serves  the  men  and 
women  right,  but  what  have  the  babies  done  to  the 
Superintendent  of  Streets  ? 


According  to  the  Denver  Trillion:  —famous  for  its 
"  Fables  " — Miss  Kate  Castleton  is  lying  ill  in  that 
town  and  the  young  woman  who  plays  with  the 
Rice  Surprise  Party  here  is  a  substitute — Miss 
Castleton's  doppelganger,  as  it  were.  If  the  Sur- 
prise Party  keeps  relays  of  Kate  Castleton  in  the 
various  places  that  it  visits,  the  lady's  performances 
must  have  a  freshness  and  vivacity  that  are  peren- 
nial ;  and  we  see  no  good  reason  why  her  long  il- 
lustrious line  should  not  be  spun  out  to  the  crack 
o'  doom  and  remote  posterity  enjoy  her  as  much 
as  we  do.  We  are  ourselves  so  well  satisfied  with 
the  pseudo  Kate  Castleton  that  our  anxiety  for  the 
recovery  of  the  genuine  Denver  article  is  a  merely 
sentimental  solicitude,  hardly  worthy  to  rank  as  an 
emotion.  We  think  our  Castleton  quite  as  nice  as 
our  Denver  contemporary's,  and  she  has  the  added 
advantage  of  lively  health.  But  "for  goodness' 
sake  don't  say  we  told  you  !  " 


When  the  drama  fails  and  art  becomes  a  burden 
Mme.  Bernhardt-Daniala  can,  as  a  final  resort, 
give  lessons  in  the  science  of  puffiing  and  be'Sure 
no  patent-medicine  man  could  rival  her  therein. 
Here  is  a  recent  example  of  her  genius.  A  weekly 
illustrated  paper  in  Paris,  called Panurge,  announced 
that  it  would  the  next  week  give  a  full  account  of 
"Fedora,"  M.  Sardou,  and  Sara.  Forthwith  she 
sent  a  messenger  to  the  editor,  saying  that  she 
heard  they  were  going  to  publish  a  drawing  which 
was  an  exact  copy  of  the  photograph  she  had  taken 
of  herself  in  her  coffin,  and  that  if  they  did  she 
would  invoke  the  law  and  have  the  edition  confis- 
cated. Of  course,  she  hadn't  heard  any  such  yarn 
nor  had  they  intended  doing  any  such  thing.  But 
true  to  her  word,  she  had  the  police  there  ready  to 
seize  the  whole  issue  of  the  paper  in  case  it  con- 
tained the  picture — which  it  did  not.  However, 
the  affair  got  into  all  the  papers,  set  all  the  boule- 
vardiers  agog  with  curiosity  and  their  tongues  wag- 
ging and  gave  Sara  a  tremendously  big  free  adver- 
tisement— an  end  that  crowned  her  work  to  her  su- 
preme satisfaction.—  N.  Y.  Tribime, 


A  religious  tract,  called  "  Put  Not  Your  Trust  in 
Princes,"  was  thrown  into  the  saloon  of  a  simple 
old  German.  He  read  the  title  and  soliloquized  : 
"  Veil,  I  don't  put  some  trust  in  brinces.  Dey 
must  pay  der  cash  in  dis  shop  chust  der  same  as 
vite  mans." 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS. 

During  the  past  week  no  lead  than  four  novel  perform- 
ances were  introduced  at  the  different  theaters  in  this 
city.  Esmeralda  at  the  Baldwin,  Pop  at  the  Bush  Street 
[Theater,  Iolantlu  at  the  Winter  Garden  and  the  disap- 
pearance of  Youth  and  its  managers  at  the  Grand  Opera 
Souse, 

Esmeralda  is  one  of  the  few  plays— and  the  Madison 
Square  troupe  one  of  the  few  companies— that  do  not  fall 
short  of  their  annonncem  mts.  Esmeralda  is  such  a  pure- 
ly told  story,  and  the  people  who  move  in  it  are  so  ex- 
tremely good,  that  it  is  a  marvel  how  so  simple  a  plot  can 
he  so  engrossing.  In  the  absence  of  villainy  and  the  su- 
perabundance of  goodness,  the  characterization  is  restrict- 
ed tu  simple  vagaries  and  idiosyncracies  of  human  nature  ; 
but  the  fact  of  its  being  truly  human  and  natural  is  faith- 
fully and  loyally  adhered  to.  Even  the  blight  of  the 
Parisian  atmosphere  is  unable  to  mar  the  idyllic  tenden- 
cies of  the  homebodies,  whose  first  acquaintance  is  made 
in  "North  Carliny." 

Pop/  What  a  vision  of  sparkling  exhilaration  that 
name  provokes.  And  the  people  who  move  in  the  play  of 
that  title  seem  to  appreciate  its  import  to  the  fullest  ex- 
tent. The  play  is  frothy,  gauzy,  like  its  name,  but  the 
fun  is  just  as  crisp  and  effervescent  as  champagne. 
Beauty,  wit,  grace  and  music  are  each  embodied,  and 
what  is  still  better,  have  each  a  special  representative. 
The  Kay  masquerade  of  eccentricity  flashes  amid  the  fizz 
and  bubble  of  fun  ;  songs  and  dances,  choruses  and  speci- 
alities while  away  the  hour  and  staid  folk  laugh  like 
children  and  forget  their  cares. 

At  the  Winter  Garden  Gilbert  and  Sullivan's  Iolanthe 
attracts  attention.  The  libretto  is  extremely  amusing 
and  in  the  true  Gilbertian  vein  ;  it  is  only  a  pity  that 
most  of  the  satire  is  of  so  local  a  character  that  much  of 
its  application  must  here,  perforce,  remain  unintelligible. 
The  music  is  clever,  hut  does  not  compare  favorably  with 
other  works  by  Sullivan  ;  hut  take  it  all  in  all  the  per- 
formance is  an  enjoyable  one. 

Despite  the  numerous  counter-attractions,  Kmeraon's 
Minstrels  do  not  suffer  by  comparison.  An  entirely  new 
hill,  and  some  additions  to  the  personnel  of  the  company, 
attract  crowds  of  people. 

At  the  Tivoli  Traviata  "coughs  her  life  away"  to  the 
music  of  Verdi.  Traviata,  is  one  of  the  best  performed 
operas  of  the  number  of  lyric  works  produced  at  the 
Tivoli. 

A  concert  for  the  benefit  of  the  sufferers  by  the  recent 
inundations  in  Germany  has  been  arranged  to  take 
place  at  Piatt's  Hall  on  the  evening  of  January  25th. 


FRESH     EPITAFFY, 


Here  lies  the  body  of  Susan  Lowder, 
Who  burst  while  drinking  a  seidlitz  powder. 
Called  from  this  world  to  her  heavenly  rest, 
She  should  have  waited  till  it  effervesced. 


When  dear  papa  went  up  to  heaven, 
What  grief  mamma  endured! 
And  yet  that  grief  was  softened,  for 
Papa  he  was  insured  ! 

Amanda  Jane  has  gone  to  rest ; 
She's  laid  her  head  on  Abraham's  breast. 
To  tell  the  truth,  and  not  to  sham, 
It's  awfully  rough  on  Abraham. 


Under  the  sod 
And  under  these  trees 
Lieth  the  body  of  Solomon  Pease. 
He's  not  in  this  hole, 
But  only  his  pod  ; 
He  shelled  out  his  soul 
And  went  up  to  his  God. 


Stranger,  pause  and  drop  a  tear, 

For  Mary  Jane  lies  buried  here ; 

Mingled  in  a  most  surprising  manner 

With  Susan,  Maria,  and  portions  of  Hannah. 


Mammy  and  I  together  lived 
Just  two  years  and  a  half. 
She  went  first,  I  followed  next- 
The  cow  before  the  calf. 


Tins  .stone  was  raised  by  Sarah's  lord — 
Not  Sarah's  virtues  to  record. 
For  they're  well  known  to  all  the  town — 
But  it  was  raised  to  keep  her  down. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


THE    CAPITAL    OF    THE    COMMONWEALTH.-II. 


Special  Correspondence  of  the  Wasp. 


Sacramento,  Jan.  So,  188S. 
The  daily  newspapers  have  already  given  a  lurid 
picture  of  the  revel  called  "  the  inaugural  ball." 
Tall  columns  of  type  and  barrels  of  ink  have  been 
necessary  to  the  composition.  California  street 
has  been  electrified  and  Tar  Flat  stunned  by  the 
polysyllabic  adjectives  of  adulation.  The  North 
Beach  schoolma'am  and  the  Hayes  Ar  alley  milliner 
h%ve  swooned  in  ecstasy  over  the  accounts,  and  in 
the  mental  unreserve  of  their  midnight  dreams 
have  seen  the  "  kaleidescopic  brilliancy,"  and  the 
"phantasmagorical  magnificence"  of  the  ball  in- 
tensified by  their  own  participation  iu  the  enno 
bled  character  of  an  Assemblyman's  wife.  As  a 
matter  of  course  those  accounts  were  as  inaccurate 
as  the  biblical  history  of  the  deluge  or  the  unaided 
orthography  of  Senator  Tim  McCarthy.  The  ball 
was  neither  a  "gorgeous  creation  of  the  magician's 
wand,"  nor  a  "fairy  scene  of  indescribable  beauty. " 
How  could  it  be  with  such  fairies  as  Charley 
Gildea,  a  member  of  the  State 
Board  of  Equalization  capering  a- 
round  in  swallow-tail  coat  and  white 
gloves  that  looked  like  the  balloon- 
gib  of  the  Nellie  spread  out  in  a  stiff 
South-wester.  The  sketch  that  is 
here  presented  is  as  accurate  as  the 
art  of  instantaneous  photography 
could  make  it.  The  camera  was 
turned  on  the  distinguished  states- 
man and  his  beautiful  partner  just 
as  he  was  bending  his  manly  form 
for  the  last  figure  of  the  opening 
quadrille.  It  is  almost  unnecessary 
to  offer  this  explanation,  as  the  ex- 
traordinary energy  which  is  dis- 
played in  the  simultaneous  eleva- 
tion of  both  feet  from  the  floor  and 
the  violent  agitation  of  Mr.  Gildea's 
coat-tails,  indicate  the  unexpended 
enthusiasm  of  the  first  stage  of  tin 
revel.  The  devotees  of  the  fash- 
ionable dance  with  its  languid  con- 
volutions may  object  to  the  sylph 
like  rapidity  of  motion  displayed  by 
Mr.  Gildea,  but  it  should  be  re- 
membered that  the  festive  equalizer 
of  assessments  learned  to  dance  be- 
fore the  modern  school  was  invented. 
The  insinuation  is  not  that  Mr.  Gildea  learned  to 
dance  while  the  tread-mill  was  in  vogue  as  an 
effective  corrector  of  youthful  errors.  This  is 
stated  for  the  benefit  of  those  cynical  persons  who 
imagine  that  any  clouded  reference  to  a  State 
office-holder  must  necessarily  be  a  disguised  alle- 
gation that  a  hot  stove  would  not  discourage  him. 
No  such  charge  could  seriously  hold  for  a  moment 
against  a  gentleman  of  Mr.  Gildea's  well  estab- 
lished reputation.  At  the  same  time,  and  at  this 
short  distance  from  the  spirited  photograph  of  the 
State  Equalizer,  it  would  be  foolish  to  deny  that  he 
stepped  wonderfully  high  in  the  opening  quadrille 
of  "the  inaugural1';  but  to  those  who  reflected 
for  a  moment  that  the  bogs  of  Connemara  are  very 
soft,  the  exhibition  of  agility  was  more  indicative 
of  undiminished  patriotism  than  anything  else. 
There  were  other  dancers  of  celebrity  around  Mr. 
Gildea.  The  floor  bristled  with  them  ;  men  famed 
in  the  world  of  politics,  and  famed  in  the  world  of 
fashion.  That  glowing  pink  of  style,  Executive 
Secretary  Dam,  was  revolving  under  the  blaze  of 
the  chandeliers  like  one  of  Mr.  Flavin's  eighteen- 
carat  paste  diamonds  on  Saturday  night.  That 
versatile  journalist,  Ned  Townsend  of  the  Call,  was 
brushing  the  cobwebs  off  the  ceiling  with  his  inde- 
pendent bristles,  so  proudly  and  high  did  he  carry 
the  repository  of  brains  which  Mr.  Pickering  opens 
to  its  fullest  when  my  near  relative.  Senator 
Gilhooly  of  Brannan  street,  gives  one  of  his  Sun- 
day night  kettledrums.  Senator  Harrigan  was 
tiptoeing  the  tag  end  of  the  night  as  nimbly  as  one 
of  the  goats  that  browse  on  the  lowering  brow  of 
his  native  Telegraph  Hill.  Senator  Frank  Sulli- 
van (with  the  accent  on  the  a,  as  in  Paree)  was 
stalking  through  the  halls  of  pride  and  pleasure 
like  the  majestic  ghost  of  Brian  Boru  on  a  moon- 
light pasear  through  Tara's  Hall.  Assemblyman 
O'Connor,  forgetful  of  his  late  misfortune  in  hav- 
ing backed  a  plebeian  from  proud  Petaluma 
"black  and  red"  against  a  blue-blooded  Bush 
street  "Doninick,"  made  the  floor  trembled  as  he 
hummed: 


"  Hands  around  and  thin  cross  over, 
Welt  the  flure,  yer  trotters  shake. 
Hell  to  yer  sowl,  Paddy  Plover  ; 
This  is  as  good  as  Lannigan's  wake." 

Sergeant-at-arms  Farrelly,  who  had  snatched  an 
hour  from  Con.  Mooney's  seance,  spun  round  in  the 
embrace  of  a  Yolo  grass  widow  until  the  feathers 
flew  out  of  his  pockets  and  made  little  Senator 
Ryan  shiver  with  the  idea  that  the  skylight  was 
letting  in  a  snow  shower.  It  would  be  impossible 
in  this  brief  article  to  describe  all  the  marvelously 
graceful  dancers  that  were  spinning  over  the  floor, 
and  yet  through  the  moving  bouquets  of  beauty  and 
the  waving  conservatories  of  talent,  the  festive 
State  Equalizer  loomed  up  with  the  unconscious 
prominence  of  a  bull  frog  on  a  water  lilly.  The 
only  person  who,  in  the  language  of  the  poet,  gave 
Mr.  Gildea  "  a  shake,"  was  Colonel  Burtiss  Burtiss, 
chief  bottle  washer  to  the  late  lamented  Samuel 
Backus,  High  Cockalorum  of  the  Military  Mutual 
A.id  and  Admiration  Association  and  Brevet  Boss 
of  the  N.  G.  C.  (Notable  Galoot  Combination.) 
As  a  matter  of  justiea,  Colonel  Burtiss  should  have 
been  disqualified  from  competition  with  Mr.  Gildea 


as  he  set  the  shining  merits  of  gilt  uniform 
against  the  plain  elegance  of  Mr.  Gildea's  claw- 
hammer. A  picture  of  the  illuminated  Colonel 
would  be  given,  but  before  the  camera  could  be 
focussed  on  the  blistering  rays  of  his  shoulder- 
straps,  the  glass  split.  Before  the  damage  could  be 
repaired  the  dancing  ceased,  and  as  many  of  th 
guests  as  could  beat  the  record  got  to  the  supper- 
table.  Three  hundred  and  fifty  who  could  do  no 
better  than  ten  seconds  for  the  hundred  yards,  and 
would  be  slightly  incommoded  if  they  met  a  fugi- 
tive band  of  steers  on  Long  Bridge,  made  a  dash 
for  the  railing  in  the  rotunda,  from  which  they 
could  feed  their  eyes  while  their  stomach  grew 
riotous.  This  lovely  engraving  illus- 
trates the  easy  grace  with  which  the 
three  hundred  and  fifty  hungry  guests 
leaned  over  the  railing  and  watched 
the  San  Francisco  delegation  giving  its 
beautiful  and  marvelous  exhibition  of 
sword-swallowing.  The  Hon.  Phil  Fay, 
who  had  prudently  concealed  himself 
in  the  celler  several  hours  before  the 
supper  was  announced,  succeeded  in 
obtaining  a  prominent  place  at  the 
board  and  at  the  first  glance  pronounced 
the  feast  thoroughly  "rekerky. "  A 
Siskiyou  statesman  who  was  flavoring 
his  crab  salad  with  Charlotte  Russe 
agreed  with  Mr.  Fay,  but  rather  ques- 
tioned the  propriety  of  leaving  the 
table  ungarnished  with  some  good  hot 
saleratus  buscuit  and  a  few  pieces  of  fried  bacon. 
The  majority  of  the  distinguished  statesmen  care- 
fully avoided  the  jellies,  and  those  who  did  attempt 
to  carve  the  transparent  and  unsubstantial  dish 
were  visibly  laboring  under  the  fear  that  they  were 
attacking  the  ghost  of  a  Sacramento  turkey.  A 
few  hayseed  Senators,  of  a  less  superstitious  turn 
of  mind,  hinted  that  fried  mucilage  was  not  a  fa- 
vorite dish  in  their  section.  Some  of  the  more 
daring  and  irreverent  joked  about  boiled  ice,  but 
the  superstitiously  serious  and  the  flippantly  face- 


tious were  visibly  relieved  when  that  intrepid 
epicure,  Assemblyman  Biff,  shook  some  pepper  over 
a  large  jelly  and  infused  it  with  the  spirit  of  a  half 
pint  of  vinegar  and  a  spoonful  of  mustard.  There 
was  brief  satisfaction  along  the  whole  length  of  the 
table  when  the  waiters  distributed  the  turkey,  but 
the  smiles  of  pleasure  deepened  into  the  frowns  of 
aggravated  hunger  after  the  first  futile  asault. 
Senator  Cronin  who  thinks  nothing  of  extracting  a 
spike  from  the  sidewalk  with  his  teeth,  for  a  small 
bet,  failed  to  leave  the  print  of  his  cultured  jaw  on 
the  fragment  of  antiquity  that  was  handed  him  by 
one  of  the  disguised  emisaries  of  the  Dental  Asso- 
ciation who  officiated  as  waiters.  Assemblyman 
Murphy,  who  has  cultivated  great  molar  power  by 
hanging  on  to  the  Democratic  vote  of  the  Potrero 
by  the  skin  of  his  teeth,  denounced  his  fragment 
of  poultry  as  a  patent  celluloid  imitation  frequently 
used  at  fashionable  weddings  in  the  Ninth  and 
Tenth  Wards  to  give  a  false  idea  of  the  wealth  and 
prodigality  of  the  contracting  parties.  When  the 
waiter  handed  the  venerable  Assemblyman  Mat- 
thews his  piece  of  imperishable  poultry  the  tears 
rolled  into  the  kindly  statesman's  eyes,  so  tender 
and  melancholy  were  the  recollections  of  '44  that 
were  roused  by  the  sight  of  the  venerable  relic. 
When  the  fact  became  apparent  that  without  a 
buzz-saw  it  would  be  impossible  to  do  the  turkey 
justice,  the  band  of  baffled  lawmakers  turned  their 
knives  to  the  chicken  salad,  and  this  exhilarating 
picture 


Presented  itself  to  the  camera.  Notwithstanding 
the  skill  and  courage  displaj'ed  by  the  hungry 
statesmen  in  dispensing  with  that  relic  of  imma- 
ture civilization,  the  fork,  several  fearful  accidents 
occurred.  It  was  not  so  much  the  personal  incon- 
venience which  the  mishaps  occasioned,  but  rather 
the  shadow  of  distrust  that  it  raised  between  the 
caterers  of  the  splendid  feast  and  their  voracious 
patrons.  Several  times  during  the  continuance  of 
the  raid  in  the  salad  whole  rows  of  knives  disap- 
peared. Contractor  Creighton  not  only  engulfed 
his  carving  knife  in  the  region  of  his  midriff  but 
swallowed  three  spoons  while  filling  the  awful  void 
under  his  vest  with  coffee  and  lemonade.  The  ac- 
companying photograph  shows  the  discomfiture  of 
the  waiter  on  arriving  for  the  fourth  time  in  sight 
of  the  San  Francisco  delegation  and  finding  them 
rapidly  consuming  the  last  instalment  of  cutlery. 


Did  space  permit  I  should  relate  with  pleasure  the 
stories  that  went  round  the  steaming  coffee  cup  and 
reproduce  the  flashes  of  wit  that  mingled  with  the 
gleaming  rows  of  knives.  I  should  describe  the 
amplitude  of  arm  and  the  fullness  of  bust  that  were 
UDfolded  to  the  enraptured  gaze  of  the  respected 
legislators.  I  should  depict  the  Egyptian  voluptu- 
ousness of  outline  and  the  roseate  hues  of  hose  that 
made  the  chair  of  the  most  conspicuous  blonde  from 
the  Palace  Hotel  a  shrine  of  Venus  over  which 
every  devotee,  from  the  callow  statesman  from  San 


THE     WASP. 


13 


Joaquin  to  the  full  fledged  cavalier  from  San  -Ma- 
teo, reverently  bowed.  Hut  space  forbids,  and  I 
can  only  portray  General  Bamberger 


As  I  found  him. sitting  behind  a  copy  of  the  Waspin 

the  seclusion  of  the  Sergeant-at-Arms'  office.  The 
General  acknowledged  me  with  his  childlike  simper, 
and  lifting  the  pupils  of  his  mild  eves  over  the  rim 
of  his  spectacles,  said  :  "  I  vos  sittin'  in  frund  auf 
Gundractor  Grayton  und  he  shvollow  dree  spoons 
und  a  garvin'  knife,  und  I  dink  beraps  he  mish- 
dakes  me  as  a  fryin'  pan  and  shvollow  me  doo— vat 
you  dinks,  eh  I — so  I  gum  oop  und  I  read  the  Vasp. 
Goin'  home  ?  Good-py."  "Good-bye,"  said  your 
correspondent.  Per»-ival  Gilhooly. 


LITERARY    NOTES. 


Mr.  Ben.  C.  Truman  i>  1 1 1 ■-  author  and  compiler  ol  a 
work  entitled  Th>  Tourinti  Guidt  of  California.  The 
text  compriftea  spirited  descriptions  of  many  of  the  note  I 
show  placed  and  resorts  "f  this  State,  and  the  range  of  tin- 
book  i'  wide  enough  to  include  Shasta  Butte  and  the  Gil- 
roy  M  ul  Springs.  Mr.  Truman  has  enlivened  hi*  pa 
with  copious  quotations  from  the  poets,  mingled  with 
raises  of  iii>  own.  tie  is  sometimes  rivacious,  seldpm 
trivial  and  never  dull  except  where  the  exigencies  "f  the 
statistical  situation  compel  him  to  be;  though  naturally 
some  of  tlii_-  most  useful  parte  <<f  the  book  under  the  head- 
ing "  Routes  of  Travel "  are  not  very  wildly  exhilarating. 
The  book  is  in  the  gorgeous  paper  covers  beloved  "f  the  rail- 
way bookseller,  and  embellished  with  a  multitude  of  en- 
gravings, most  of  which  are  pretty  bad.  It  is  published 
by  H.  S.  Crocker  &  Co.,  ->f  San  Francisco,  rather  obvi- 
ously  in  the  interest  of  the  Central  and  Southern  Pacific 
Railroads,  but  on  the  whole  is  a  very  creditable  bit  of 
work  and  decidedly  useful  withal. 

The  frontispiece  of  the  February  Century  is  a  portrait 
of  Mr.  George  William  Curtis,  hy  Cole,  exhibiting  all 
that  famous  engraver's  virtues  and  vices  of  method  and 
execution— his  strong  modeling  and  his  meaningless  misti- 
ness. A  paper  on  "American  Etchers"  contains  wood- 
engraved  copies  of  their  work,  illustrating  in  a  lamentable 
way  the  foolhardihood  of  the  artists  who  are  determined 
that  the  capabilities  of  wood  engraving  shall  cover  the 
whole  field  of  graphic  representation,  even  if  the  art  per- 
ish in  the  attempt.  Neither  a  painting,  a  steel  engraving 
nor  an  etching  can  be  copied  in  wood.  It  can  be  trans- 
lated, and  if  these  ambitious  gentlemen  would  recognize 
the  limitations  of  their  art  they  could  give  us  the  spirit  of 
the  other  arts,  which,  so  long  as  they  attempt  their  meth- 
ods, they  can  never  do.  The  Century  contains  the  usual 
variety  of  "'prose  and  worse"  and  the  usual  range  of  en- 
graving, from  good  to  execrable. 

We  acknowledge  the  receipt  of  the  following  pamphlets  : 
Reports  of  the  President  and  the  Secretary  of  the  Board 
of  Regents  of  the  Stite  University  ;     Report  of  the  Trus- 
tees of  the  State  Normal  School ;   Bulletin  No.    (i   of  the  | 
TJniversitv,  and— Heaven  save  us  !— a  publication  of  the  | 
Mege  Pacific  Commercial  Company  giving  a  touching  ac- 


<  "nut  .if  the  struggles  of  bull-butter  to  get  down  the  pub- 
lic throat  despite  the  repeated  inversions  of  the  public 
stomach. 


PACIFIC    BUSINESS    COLLEGE. 

On  rii,'  outside  coverof  this  issue  of  the  Wan  can  be 
Been  the  large  advertisement  <>(  tin-  above  named  popular 
institution  for  learning.  Messrs.  I  lhan  berlain  and  Rob- 
inson are  practical  teachers  and  in  bigh  standing  with  the 
public.  Full  Life  scholarship!  for  ;i  perfect  business  course 
is  only  $70.  Day  and  evening  sessions  the  year  round. 
See  advertisement. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  {Sec  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

■  Humanity's  great  hope  for  the  future  is  alone  to  be 
realized  in  improved  condition  of  matrimony.  What  a 
profound  obligation  does  this  fact  involve  !  Those  who 
realize  the  responsibility  can  hardly  do  better  than  take 
advice  from  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pinkham  whose  wonderful 
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so  justly  celebrated.     Send  for  pamphlet. 


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The  SUREST  CURE  for 

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Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
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OLIVE      BUTTER. 

An    Absolutely    Pure    Vegetable    Oil. 


MANUFACTURED 


P.  Y 


ASHINCTON  BUTCHER'S  SONS,  PHILADELPHIA. 

For  Cooking  Purposes  is  better  than  Lard.        Full)"  equal  to   Butter,  and  at  much  less  cost  than  either. 
ONE  POUND  OP  OLIVE   BUTTER  WILL  DO  THE  WORK  OF  TWO  POUNDS  OF  LARD, 

OLIVE   BUTTER   means  health,  economy  and  cleanliness  ;   absolute  freedom  from  all  adulterations  of  any  kind. 

We  present  OLIVE  BUTTER  to  the  public  with  the  conviction  that  it  will  permanently  take  the  place  of  Lard  and  Butter  for  culinary  purposes.  It 
needs  but  a  single  trial  to  demonstate  its  great  value  and  merits  ;    and  we  guarantee  it  for  the  following  qualities,  viz  : 

It  is  a  pure  vegetable  product,  free  from  adulterations  and  is  much  more  nutritious  than  lard  or  butter.  It  remains  perfectly  sweet  in  every  climate 
and  is  unaffected  by  age  ;  hence  it  never  becomes  rancid.  It  is  much  cheaper  than  lard  or  butter  and  requires  but  half  the  quantity  to  attain  the  same 
results  in  cooking.  Articles  of  food  cooked  with  it  retain  their  natural  flavor  ;  no  greasy  taste  is  imparted,  the  oil  not  being  so  readily  absorbed  as  ordinary 
lard  or  butter,  because  it  is  a  vegetable  product. 

The  fact  that  we  are  and  have  been  for  many  years  manufacturers  and  refiners  of  lard — our  trade  amounting  to  millions  of  pounds  annually— and  now 
ofler  to  the  public  this  vegetable  oil  of  our  own  manufacture,  for  culinary  purposes  in  lieu  of  laid  or  butter,  is  of  itself  a  sufficient  guarantee. 

Our  Trade  Mark  is  secured  by  letters  patent,  registered  at  the  Patent  Office  in  Washington,  D.  C. 


DIRECTIONS: 

Use  in  the  same  manner  for  cooking  as  you  would  lard  or  butter,  only  use  half  the  quantity  for  the  same  purposes.     Put  up  in  60-pound  cases  of  3,  5 
and  10  pound  cans.     For  sale  by  all  grocers. 

W.  J.  HOUSTON  &  Co.,  Sole  Agents, 

JSTo.       37       Market       Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


14 


THE        WASP- 


DANTE'S    INFERNO    REVISED. 


Satan — "  Who  are  you  ?" 

"  A  bank  cashier.'' 

"Defaulter?" 

"  Yes." 

"  How  much  V 

1  '  $2,000,000." 

"  Felix,  give  him  a  top  seat,  away  from  the  fire, 
where  it  is  nice  and  cool.  Never  mind  thanking 
me,  Mr.  Cashier.  You're  welcome.  But  who  is 
this  V 

No.  2. — "  A  bank  cashier." 

(;  Defaulter  V 

"Yes." 

"How  much?" 

"$8,000." 

"  Here,  Felix,  take  this  fellow  and  give  him  a 
seat  right  on  to})  of  the  stove." 


SPRING  1883. 
As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 

%*  "  No  eye  like  the  master's  eye."  Had  „rEsop  lived 
in  our  day  he  might  well  have  added,  "  No  popular  cura- 
tive like  Kidney-Wort."  All  eyes  are  beginning  to  turn 
to  it  for  relief  from  diseases  of  the  liver,  bowels  and  kid- 
neys. Kidney-  Wort  is  nature's  remedy  for  them  all. 
Those  that  cannot  prepare  the  dry  can  now  procure  it  in 
liquid  form  of  any  druggist. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebeubaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  JU  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

Remarkable  for  overcoming  diseases  caused  by  impure 
water,  decaying  vegetation,  etc.,  is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  ().  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


CONSUMPTION        CURED ! 
A  Good    Family    Remedy, 

STRICTLY       PURE, 

Harmless    to    Ihe.    most    delicate  : 

By  its  faithful  use  CONSUMPTION"  has  been  CURED 

when  other  Remedies  and  Physicians  have  failed 

to  effect  a  cure. 

Jeremiah  Wright,  of  Marion  County,  W.  Va.,  writes 
us  that  his  wife  had  Pulmonary  Consumption,  and  was 
pronounced  INCURABLE  by  their  physician,  when  the  use 
of  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  entirely  cured  her.  He  writes 
that  he  and  his  neighbors  think  it  the  best  medicine  in  the 
world. 

Wll.  C.  Digcins,  Merchant  of  Bowling  Green,  Va., 
writes  April  4,  18S1,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  has  cured  his  mother  of  consumption,  after 
the  physicians  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He  says 
others  knowing  her  case  have  taken  the  Balsam  and  been 
cured  ;  he  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a  trial. 

Dr.  Meredith,  Dentist,  of  Cincinnati,  was  thought  to 
be  in  the  last  Stages  of  Consumption  and  was  induced 
by  his  friends  to  try  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  after  the  form- 
ula was  shown  him.  We  have  his  letter  that  it  at  once 
cured  his  cough  and  that  he  was  able  to  resume  his  prac- 
tice. 

Wm.  A.  Graham  &  Co.,  Wholesale  Druggists,  Zanes- 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  of  Mathias  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bronchitis 
in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung  Balsam 
cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others,  of  Bronchitis. 

It  is  harmless  to  the  most  delicate  child  ! 

It  contains  no  Opium  in  any  form  ! 
Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
.  In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial      IT 
NEVER  PAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun  the  use  of  all 
remedies  without  merit  and  an  established  reputation. 
As  an  Expectorant  it  has  no  Equal ! 

Sold  l>y  till  Mcdltliie  Dealers. 


Suffer 


no  longer  from  Dyspep- 
sia, Indigestion,  want  of 
Appetite,loss  of  Strength 
lack  of  Energy,  Malaria, 
Intermittent  Fevers,  &c. 
BROWN'S  IRON  BIT- 
TERS never  fails  to  cure 
all  these  diseases. 


Boston,  November  26,  1881. 
Brown  Chemical  Co. 

Gentlemen: — For  years  I  have 
been  agreat  sufferer  from  Dyspepsia, 
and  could  get  no  relief  (having  tried 
everything  which  was  recommend- 
ed) until,  acting  on  the  advice  of  a 
friend,  who  had  been  benefitted  by 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  I  tried  a 
bottle,  with  most  surprising  results. 
Previous  to  taking  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters,  everything  1  ate  distressed 
me,  and  I  suffered  greatly  from  a 
burning  sensation  in  the  stomach, 
which  was  unbearable.  Since  tak- 
ing Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  all  iny 
troubles  are  at  an  end.  Can  eat  any 
time  without  any  disagreeable  re- 
sults. I  am  practically  another 
person.  Mrs.  W  J.  Flynn, 

30  Maverick  St.,  E.  Boston, 


BROWN'S  IRON  BIT- 
TERS acts  like  a  charm 
on  the  digestive  organs, 
removing  all  dyspeptic 
symptoms,  such  as  tast- 
ing the  food,  Belching, 
Heat  in  the  Stomach, 
Heartburn,  etc.  The 
only  Iron  Preparation 
that  will  not  blacken  the 
teeth  or  give  headache. 

Sold  by  all  Druggists. 

Brown  Chemical  Cq. 

Baltimore,  Md. 

See   that  all  Iron  Bitters  are  made  by 
Brown  Chemical  Co.,  Baltimore,  and 
have  crossed  red  lines  and  trade- 
mark on  wrapper. 

BEWARE  OF  IMITATIONS. 


OUR   NEW 

TIME -KEEPER. 

A  Little  Wonder. 

Just  what  everybody  needs.  Farmers,  Mechanics 
Business  Men.  or  Boys  can  now  own  11  Perfect  Time- 
Keeper.  Tlic  Little  Wonder  Time-Keeper  is  NO  HUM- 
BUG, nor  is  it  a  cheap  toy.  It  is  a  thoroughly  rulinhlc 
teller  of  the  time  of  day,  in  a  handsome  silver  nickel 
hunting-case,  and  fullv  warranted.  Cheap  Watches 
are  as  a  general  tiling  poor  time-keepers,  hut  the 
Utile  Wnmli-r  ciin  always  In-  relied  upon.     Our  offer: 

We  wan  300,000  new  readers  for  our 
paper  immediately,  and  in  order  to  obtain  them  and 
introduce  it  into  every  home  in  the  Union,  we  arc 
tinwnmkiiiR  extraordinary  offers.  We  will  send  our 
new  paper,  entitled  "Youth."  for  the  next  three 
months  to  all  who  will  send  us  thirty-three  cents  in 
one-cent  postage  stamps,  to  help  pny  postage  and  cost 
of  this  advertisement;  and  to  each  person  we  will 
s'l'iid  ahsnlitleiy  free  one  of  the  T  ittle  'Wonder 
Time- Keeper's.     Anyone  sendins  SI  .00  for  three 

■  iwrriptii  >ns  will  receive  paiier  ami  Thne-Keeperfree. 

YOUTH  is  a  l;in:c  :;_>-(■<. himn  Illustrated  Literary 
:.ii<l  Family  Paper,  filled  with  bright  and  sparkling 
Mnries,  Sketches,  Poems,  Household  Notes,  Puzzles, 
Pictures,  etc.;  in  fact,  everything  10  amuse  and  in- 
struct the  whole  family  circle.  We  know  that  yon 
will  be  more  than  pleased.  Address  at  once,  Youth 
P-iblishing  Co.,  27  Doane  St.,  Boston,  Mas;. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 

SUNDAY,    -      -_ "JANUARY  28th, 

Farewell  benefit  of 
I   IE   1  N  C  I  S  C  A  EI19IGNKEI  C  II  , 

In  her  celebrated  Comedy  part,  as 

DONNA        DIANA. 

Friday.   February   4th,    benefit   of    R.    BOJOCK, 

L'Arronge's  newest  Comedy,  in  3  acts, 

DIE    SORGLOSEN. 


Winter  Garden. 

Stockton  street,  between  Post  and  Sutter. 
Stahl  &   Maack proprietor 

First  week  and  unbounded  success  of  Gilbert 
and  Sullivan's  latest  sensation 

IOLANTHE ! 

(Ok  the  Peek  and  the  Perl) 
Produced  with  a  powerful  cast. 

Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  MaBon. 
EjtELiNG  Bb.08 Proprietors  and  Manage™ 

Grand  success  of  Verdi's  Lyric  Opera 

LA^    TRAVIATA! 

Produced  with  powerful  cast  and  magnificent  scenery. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUSTAYE  FKOHMAN Lessee 

ESMERALDA 

A    Splriuliri    Sncccss !       A    Slcinlid    Success ! 

EVERY  EVENING  (excepting  Sunday)  AND  SAT- 
URDAY MATINEE. 

The  Madison  Square 

HOME     COMPANY. 


Magnificent    Singe    Set  ling   ami    a    IEi  illianl 
Performance. 


When  your  wife's  health  is  bad,  when  your  children  are 
sickly,  when  you  feel  worn  out,  use  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 

68T  Don't  wear  dingy  or  faded  things  when  the  ten- 
cent  Diamond  Dye  will  make  them  good  as  new.  They 
are  perfect. 


MARVELLOUS  CHANGE  OF   SCENE. 

MASQUERADE      BALL! 

VEREIN   EINTRACHT 


Saturday  Evening,  Feb'y  10th 

AT  THE 

MECHANICS'   PAVILION. 


1  LOOK    TICKETS  (for  Maskers  only), 
SPECTATORS,     ...... 


-        $1 
50    frills 


A  false  face  alone  will  not  be  recognized  as  Mask. 

All  Maskers  must  be  in  Costume  or  Domino. 

Cars  will  run  ALL  NIGHT. 

Doors  open  at  7  o'clock,  P.  M. 

Concert  at  8  o'clock,  P.  M, 

Grand  March  at  SI  o'clock,  precisely. 

THE    COMMITTEE. 


■ry  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"- 


Round  and  Pressed 
-     CIGARETTES.     " 


Pure,  Mild,        ALLEN  &  GINTBR, 

Fragrant  and    Sweet.  Manufacturers.    Richmond.     Vn. 


o 

o 


o 

w 

a 

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w 

o 
d 

w 

w 

o 

o 
w 

C/3 


p.  o 

CD   H 

St  wj 

p.  » 

H 


CO 

en 

w 

CD 

R 

CD 
CD 


XCOI.Ii 


POPULAR     PRICES  ! 

LARGE    STOCK! 


POPULAR    TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys' 


E,r* 


POPULAR    STYLES 


IV.  en's    Furnishing     Goods,  i 


Ready-IVIade   Chilling.  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.  816  &  818  Market  Street,  Sail  Francisco. 


NEW 

ENGLAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 


Alum 

Hour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Carb.  Sofia 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros  J  Co. 


SAN   FRANCISCO 


SIBERIAN    ZB^ZLS-A-IIVi: 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and.  Urinary  Organs  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

DEPOT.    115    MONTGOMERY    STREET.  Fur  salt'  by  all  Druggists. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE   AGESTS  FOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    flay    Sired, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


B. 


«■  Ask    For 

illows  Deer 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 

WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  St3.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY. 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY    4    YUNG, 
No.    «.-.  l    SACRAMENTO   STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


PianoS 


AN 

Extraordinary     Razor 

HAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
ia  bo  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  ia  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  \  ITU  IN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

Tlic  QueenN  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY CARVING'KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


Obickering  &  Sons, Boston ;  Bluthner.Lelpzig; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  Q.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St. 

NEAR  MARKET,  SaN  FRANCISCO. 
J.  J.  Palmkr.  Valentine  Rkv. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers of'rrlut in«and  Lit hograpliing 

PRESSES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms.  405  &  407  Sansome  St.  S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing 


CRAIG     &       KREM  PLE 

SUCCESSORS     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDE RTAK  B  RS 

And    EMBALMEKS, 

22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


Selbv    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS   OF   

lead  Pipe,  S  iee«  lead.  Sliot,  Bar  lead,  Pig  lead.  Solder,  AiUI-Frlcllau  Metal,  lead 
Sash  Weights,  lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Ele. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -      -      -      -      San    Francisco 

Reflners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Ears  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


DANIOHEFTT 
Kid  Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


w 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

HITE     JflOSIE    FLOTIIR 

MANUFACTURED     BY     THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


eST  Sec  local  notice  In  another  column. 


DR  .THOMAS  HALL'S 


B^"0  "TJD       ICEIVTTJCICY       WHISKEYS 


Cuarlks  W.  Freeman 


Vincent  A.  Torras 


TORRAS   &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 
BOOK    AND    JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street, 

Below  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  Freneh,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


IMMOIVD'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 
In  the  World. 
■A.SK  YOTJIfc 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


US-DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "W 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  Appetizer,  giving  tone  an 
strength  to  the  stomach,,  and  as  atonic  bev- 
erage it  has  no  equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia 
or  Indigestion,  Fever  and  Ague,  Biliousness 
General  Debility  and  kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results; 
it  braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and 
destroys  that  wretched  feeling  of  enuni 
which  we  constantly  labor  under  in  this 
enervating  climate.  The  tonic  for  its  medi- 
cal qualities  excels  any  other  ever  offered 
to  the  public,  having  taken  the  first 
premium  at  the  iairs  of  Sacramento, 
San  Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San 
Francisco  for  absolute  purity,  made  from 
pure  California  Port  Wine,  Wine  of  Pepsin 
and  Elixir  Calisaya.  (^"  For  sale  every- 
where throughout  the  State.  Depot  at 
JAMES  H.  GATES1  Drug  store,  corner  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Fran- 
cisco. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


S3THARDW00D   LUMBER. 


John    Wigmore, 

139    to    147    SPEAR    STREET,    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


■DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,sut°te 


Fevers. 


KOHLER  A  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bros  Pianos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.      Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  R.  Williar,  Jr.  A.  Carlisle. 

A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Francisco 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  tauran  t, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  lip       -      -       $3,000,000 
Reserve  IT.  S.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


Throat,  Lungs, 

Catarrh, 

For   Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
P  >  i!86       ^PTjff      yall    Throat    affections 

Address:  UL         lt  has  n0  equaL 

VAlESiTISfE    HASSMER.    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans.  Etc., 

IIS    SUTTER    STKEET, Sim  Francisco,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO, 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,    -conces,    Candlesticks,    and 

Bouillotces. 

RARE     BRONZES,     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     "WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


m 


(YNKriSn 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  Ddtton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

"W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Olftrk,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Capt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE  and  ~**$m££^  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

Cnpitnl,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Prea. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gnstave  Nie- 
bauni,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  MeKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO. 

Of   London, 
400  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


PACIFIC  BUSINESS  CO 


m 


LIFE  SCHOLARSHIP  FOR  A  FULL  BUSINESS  COURSE.  $70. 

THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTED. 

BEST 

Regulated, F 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE 

ON  THE 

Pacific  Ooast, 


HEADS 

01' 

Families 

{Of  moderate  means) 

CAN  GIVE 

THEIR  SONS 


Good  Business 

EDUCATION 

AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 


9   SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR. 


VIEW  OF  ACTUAL  BUSINESS  DEPARTMENT   OF  PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


§fo 


rafs.  CHAMBERLAIN  &  ROBINSON,  Proprietors 
320  POST  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 


4*«^*.,     iM^C         3&K>'"    Ife* 


'A 


~>,h 


VOL.   X. 


SAN    FHANi;lSCO.  FKB.   3,  138:- 


N< 


540. 


BE  CELEBRATED 

AMPAGNE  WINES 

»rs.  Dkl'tz  &  Geldeiuiann  Ay,  en  Champajfne. 


CACHET    BLANC-  Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GBEEN      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

IDKUl    BED   AND  WHITE   WINES, 

[n  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  File. 

BOCK     WINES, 

cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstnmnn  Sohn,  Mainz. 

rles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SUBintVIll       STREET. 


"Give  thy  son  a  literal  education."  I 


HAMBEELAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PEOPRIETnTIS. 


ACIFIC 


J      BUSINESS 

COLLEGE. 
32QSU. 


5 


9"SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR-®! 

I   Leopold  Bro's 
LOEIST  . 

55  POST  STBEET,  below  Kearny.  E    ^ 
Bouquets.  Baskets. Wreatb.es, Crosse-  CW 

8 ~ 

Ml»T'v 
Street. 

lotographer. 


.EN   rfiAHY&CO, 

WHOLESALE.... 

>UOR    MERCHANTS, 

(22  and  824  FRONT  STREET, 

FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


JOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

vmento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


,E  O  K  D  E  K  E  R 

hampagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from   Mr.   loois  Koeclcrer,  Reims,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.     Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,  CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
JI4    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

El.l.ril  IVT    HOLLAND    <.l\. 

FRENCH      BRANBIES, 

PORT,     SHERRY,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
313    Front     Street.    Room    2,     San     Francisco 


I 


FRAGRANT 


«' 


P 


iper  Heidsieck 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  SI.,  San  Francisco,  Cal. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

C.     Z  I  JN"  N"  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOK, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  <1lnsonIc  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE    ICY    ALL    DRUGGISTS. 


James  Shea.         A.  Bocqueraz.         R,  McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaekson    Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTI  N     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  HILTON    J.    II AltltY." 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old    Rourbon    Whiskies. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


S   CJ  "FT  ~T~i  T  T  Z  ° 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  YOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


EICHAEDS    &    HARRISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
JJ.   W.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets,    San   Francisco. 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonio  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUAN2E,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sola  Agents  for  the  Pacifc  Coast. 


iT  A  "NTOfiHazelton  Bros 


First  Glass, 
Medium  Price,, 

FULL    VALUE 

FOR   YOUR  MONLY 


HALLET£&  CUMSTON, 
A.JVL  BENHAM, 

"CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647  ^Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad.  &  Co"s 

CjBUDWBSERjEERel 

"WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IS 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    S,    8    and     10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Or.  CIIAS   W.   DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN. 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and  Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers' Association. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs. 

The  Highest  Standard  or  Excellence, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN    UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

W 


its- Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  I  lie  Rest  Work- 
manship. 


MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  'THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUT   TOUR    SHIRTS    AND   UNDERWEAR  OF  CftBMjNY,  25   KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  "Wholesale   and  Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  Han  Franciaio. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
Sausages.  A.  ItEUSCHE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY  MONOFOLE  (extra), 

L.  Kui:vivKi:r.  (sweet  and  dry), 

.flOUT  «fc  CHAN  HON, 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    JDYE    "WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 

S3-  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Murket  Street,  Palace  Motel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking;. 
C1LAS.  J.  HOL.flES,  Frop. 


WILLIAM     F.     "SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 
piOEMEKLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
1    removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  lir>  Market  street, 
Nes.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
n.  A.  HlllMlv.lli.  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

21J  to  225  Spear  St.,  218  to  236  SI  null  St. 
San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HO  USE 

ON      THK 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 
THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.    F.  II ARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNOTIOM  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  8.  8.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line; 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  BalcU 
win  Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo.  ■ 
Nmh.  Ashton  h  Son'B  Fait. 


ILADELPHIA 

EWERY 


Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LAKGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OP  ST.  LOTUS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


olters  Brothers&Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Wines  and  Liquors 

931  California.  Ptroof..  San  Vm-nM^on 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F  .    DANERI    &    Co  ., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,     -      -     SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  fRANCISCOQTOCK  BREWERY, 


Capital  Stock 


►  200,000. 


OUR  LASER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP   IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 

KCD0U*H  M0HR,  Secretary. 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
SN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


*&0&tfii*J!***^r^***e>  <v*VJ*^%A^SvN^^--i-*i!  -^V*>^**S*j\A&*S<StJ  t 

THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

^^ill  wines; 

ON  THE 

PACIFIC 
COAST 


8S?~None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  label  and  Cork  _^a 


3$  i;:»iS;^S*fet^ll  SlPMKS^Ss     .     (it 


2^FAN£>££ 

KOHLER  a  FROHLING 

;«_626  MONTGOMERY  ST.  8..S.E.C0R. SUTTER  &  DUpiQNL.SIS,..,H' 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Fkancisco. 


Water  Proot  Leather  Belting. 
13  Fremont  St..  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


CH 
pi 


AMPAGN 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.  |  umm 

80!)    }ll»ll:<llli:i:v   St;,  San    Francisco. 


H  .     N.     COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MAKKKT     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 


Every     Lady    Should 

KNOW   MANNING'S 

Oyster    Gkotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Griiln  mid  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Alien  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP   J±.   IP   IE    "El 


OF    ALL     KIN'D 


413  ami   415  Sansonie  St. 


CALIFORJN  IA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eighth  and  Brannan  streets. 


OLADB  SPREOKELS . 
J.  D.  SPRECKELB    . 
A.  B.  SPRECKEL8  ... 


President 

.  Vlce-Preident 
Secretary 


THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Prcsidcdt 
OBlce— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


. TRADE 
MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

415    MARKET     STREET,     S.     F. 


°VOL.  10. 


y°3  4o 


^ffKAKfCfl£CO,    FEB,    3*-*      1883 


£*rs9if/>  *rm£-/wsrar/&J9rsM/wimsco.eAL.  j/m  «-/w  /^  r^z/s/tf/sswy  v/we/Trfe  sfj/ts  s/r  sscove  cmss  fjrss  ' 


"WZHIO        DID        IT? 


THE     WAS* 


A     GALLIC    GROWL, 


[La  France,  commenting  upon  the  death  of  General 
Chanzy,  the  foremost  military  man  of  France,  so 
closely  following  that  of  Gambetta,  the  most  bellig- 
erent and  astute  of  modern  French  statesmen,  ex- 
claims :  "  What  has  France  done  to  Death  ?  Has 
Bismarck  made  a  compact  with  him  ?  "] 

"  What  can  I  have  done  to  Death  ?  " 
Aye,  fair  France,  with  bated  breath, 

Well,  indeed,  you  ask  ! 
Good  your  cause  to  curse  the  fate 
Laid  upon  your  Sword  and  State, 
And,  cast  down  and  desolate, 

Bring  grim  Death  to  task  ! 

Yet,  France,  if  you  did  only  dare, 
Better  far  the  question  were 

Boldly  put  outright : 
"  What,  Death,  have  T  done  for  thee 
That  this  awful  thing  should  be  ? 
Hast  thou,  then,  forsaken  me — 

Me,  thy  chosen  knight? 

"  In  thy  courts  I've  loved  to  dwell, 
And  have  done  my  best  to  swell 

The  number  of  thy  hosts  ; 
Late  and  early,  first  and  last, 
Corpses  at  thy  feet  I've  cast, 
Lookback,  Death,  upon  my  past, 

And  count  the  pallid  ghosts  ! 

"  For  thy  cold  and  fleshless  lips 
Many  a  boarded  scaffold  drips 

With  my  noblest  blood  ; 
On  battle-field,  at  barricade, 
I  my  hecatombs  have-made  - 
That  my  offerings  might  be  laid 

Where'er  thine  altars  stood. 

"  Aye,  dread  King  of  Dole  and  Doom, 
Prince  of  Silence,  God  of  GIooti  — 

I,  red  from  spur  to  crest, 
Cleft  through  helm  and  pierced  through -shield, 
Ever  in  the  bloody  field 
Have  been  readiest  to  yield 

Spent  souls  unto  thy  breast. 

"  Yet,  behold  !  thou  snatchest  life 
From  my  twin  high  priests  of  strife — 

The  smooth-tongued  one  who  bred 
War  and  tumult— at  whose  word 
Swift  uprose  the  butcher  horde 
Whom  his  brother  of  the  sword 

Straight  to  thy  shambles  led  !  " 

Sister,  justly  you  complain 
Of  your  grisly  suzerain. 

Still,  perchance,  he  hath  fair  cause 
To  grip  thee  with  his  bony  hand 
While  sheathed  the  sword  and  quenched  the  brand 
That  tilled  and  sunned  his  frosty  land 

Through  centuries  of  wars. 

Fling  to  the  winds  thy  prosperous  ease  ; 
Let  thy  war-eagles  sniff  the  breeze  ; 

Be  thine  own  self  again  ! 
'  Gird  on  thy  sword  and  couch  thy  lance  ; 
Thy  lilies  are  too  white,  fair  France — 
Dye  them  deep  crimson— then,  perchance, 
Death's  favor  thou'l  regain. 
San  Francisco,  January  24, 1SS3. 


IN     THE    DEATH     STATION, 
From  the  Recollections  of   a  Siberian  Fugitive. 

I  had  lived  four  years  as  exile  in  Siberia,  in  the 
village  of  Balachta,  when  one  night  the  opportun- 
ity came  to  escape  with  the  horse  and  sleigh  be- 
longing to  the  inspector  of  the  exiles.  I  flew  out 
of  the  village  and  all  night  long  through  solitary 
plains  of  snow  without  stopping.  As  dawn  ap- 
proached I  saw  a  village  on  my  right,  but  fearing 
recognition  and  capture  I  went  on  across  the  end- 
less wastes  of  snow,  after  pausing  down  in  a  ravine 
to  feed  my  horse  and  strengthen  myself  with 
brandy.  On  I  went,  the  whole  day  without  having 
seen  a  single  human  being. 

Toward  night  roy  horse  grew  weary  and  soon 
could  only  walk.  At  last  he  stood  still,  panting 
heavily.  I  was  uneasy,  for  I  feared  if  I  remained 
quiet  there  on  the  plain,  I  might  be  surprised 
either  by  wolves  or  by  the  innumerable  tramps  of 


Siberia.  Unfortunately,  I  did  not  know  in  what 
direction  I  had  journeyed  during  the  last  hours, 
for  I  might  have  approached  the  place  I  started 
from.  For  readiness  in  any  case,  I  drew  out  two 
revolvers,  also  stolen  from  our  inspectors,  charged 
each  barrel  with  ball  and  laid  them  both  before 
me. 

After  my  horse  had  stood  awhile  and  eaten  snow, 
he  showed  readiness  to  proceed.  But  whither  ? 
I  did  not  know,  and  left  it  to  the  horse  to  go  where 
he  would.  As  soon  as  he  felt  the  loose  rein  he 
turned  at  once  to  the  left  and  went  oft'  in  a  quick 
trot. 

■  Meanwhile  it  grew  darker  and  darker  till  at  last 
I  could  scarcely  see  a  step  before  me.  But  the 
horse  seemed  to  trace  something,  for  he  pointed 
his  ears  continually  and  looked  steadily  before  him. 
I  also  was  watchful,  and  standing  up  in  the  sleigh, 
gazed  straight  ahead.  But  I  saw  and  heard  noth- 
ing, and  was  about  to  sit  down  again  when  I  sud- 
denly perceived  a  point  of  light  in  the  distance. 
My  horse  also  saw  it  and  trotted  faster  forward. 
This  light  might  come  from  a  farm-house  window, 
but  it  might  also  come  from  a  fire  built  by 
wanderers  in  the  snowy  desert. 

;t  Be  it  what  it  may,"  I  said  to  myself,  "I  must 
get  out  of  this  uncertain  situation  though  I  fall  in 
with  rubbers." 

Soon  afterward  I  could  discern  the  outline  of  a 
great  structure  which  stood  alone  in  the  middle  of 
the  desert,  and  from  whose  one  window  the  rays  of 
light  shown.  I  was  especially  struck  with  the  lone- 
liness of  the  building  and  the  smoke  which  came 
from  the  one  window.  Afraid  of  being  observed, 
I  drove  slowly  and  quietly  up,  stopped  by  the  back 
wall  of  the  strange  building,  fastened  the  horse  to 
a  post,  threw  a  heap  of  hay  before  him,  and  then 
stole  cautiously  and  noiselessly  up  to  the  window 
whence  the  light  streamed. 

Accustomed  to  the  darkness,  my  eyes  could  at 
first  distinguish  nothing  of  the  interior;  it  was 
only  after  some  minutes  that  I  realized  the  picture 
presented  to  my  view.  But  this  scene  was  so 
frightful  that  my  blood  curdled  in  my  veins,  my 
hair  rose  on  end  and  a  cold  sweat  broke  out  on  my 
brow.  . 

The  whole  interior  of  the  building  was  filled  with 
smoke  which  rose  from  a  burning  pile  of  logs  in 
the  centre.  Round  this  fire  sat  three  men  whose 
faces  had  a  fantastic  look  in  the  red  glow  of  the 
fire.  Near  the  hearth,  in  the  loose  boards  of  the 
floor,  a  great  opening  was  visible,  from  which  six 
men,  one  after  another,  soon  came  out,  and  each 
bore  a  stiffened  human  corpse  !  The  bodies  were 
wrapped  only  in  linen,  and  were  chalk-white  from 
frost.  The  bearers  wore  peasants'  dress,  and  were 
robust  fellows  with  rough,  repulsive  faces. 

Two  of  the  men  sitting  round  the  tire  were 
dressed  in  city  clothes,  while  the  third  appeared 
like  a  butcher;  he  wore  a  blue  apron,  had  his 
sleeves  rolled  up  and  held  a  great  knife  in  his 
hand.  When  the  six  peasants  entered  with  their 
dreadful  burden,  the  three  stepped  back  from  the 
fire,  and  the  six  corpses  were  put  in  their  place, 
erect  round  the  pile  of  lotrs  like  candles  ! 

It  was  a  horrible  sight  for  me  !  The  fire  glared 
upon  the  white  forms  of  the  dead,  while  over  their 
heads  the  black  smoke  gathered.  I  distinguished 
among  them  four  men,  a  woman  and  a  boy.  One 
of  the  male  corpses  had  a  beard  of  extra  or  dinary 
length. 

When  the  bodies  were  somewhat  thawed  they 
were  taken  by  the  peasants  from  the  fire  and  laid 
on  the  floor  on  the  outspread  linen.  At  the  same 
moment  the  "butcher"  went  up  to  the  corpses  with 
his  great  knife  and  thrust  it  deep  in  the  abdomen  of 
the  one  nearest  him.  I  could  not  explain  to  my- 
self the  meaning  of  this  whole  scene.  I  simply 
stared,  and  saw  how  with  almost  indifference  the 
"  butcher"  ripped  open  the  abdomen,  took  out  the 
insides,  carved,  divided,  and  showed  to  the  city 
dressed  men,  and  then  thrust  again  into  the  body 
belonging  to  them. 

I  had  often  in  my  life  witnessed  terrible  events, 
but  what  I  saw  here  went  beyond  all  human  con- 
ception. It  seemed  to  me  that  all  this  was  more  a 
fantasy  of  my  wearied  brain  than  a  reality.  I 
remembered  how  authors  of  horrible  tales,  after 
presenting  a  train  of  impossible,  unheared-of  oc- 
currences and  exciting  the  reader's  curiosity  to  the 
highest  degree,  suddenly  broke  off  with  the  simple 
sentence  ;  "  I  waked  up,  the  bright  sunshine, 
etc."  What  happened  in  romances  might  be  in 
reality.  I  rubbed  my  eyes,  looked,  tried  to  collect 
my  thoughts,  in  vain  !  I  did  not  sleep,  I  saw, 
I  heard,  I  breathed  ! 

Before  me  the  wall  of  the  awful  building,  black- 


ened by  the  eternal  sterms  ;  near  me  my  tethered 
horse,  and  my  sleigh  ;  all  about  me  a  boundless- 
waste  of  snow;  above  me  the  sullen,  clouded 
Siberian  heavens.  What  should  I  do  ?  I  thought 
to  mvself.  Should  I  fly  1  But  vhere  ?  Or  should 
I  penetrate  into  the  house  and  shoot  down  these 
desecrators  of  the  dead  ?  Terrified,  benumbed,  I 
stood  there  half  dead  and  did  not  know  what  to 
decide  upon. 

At  last  I  cencluded  to  abandon  this  unlucky  post 
of  observation.  I  wanted  to  steal  softly  to  my 
sleigh  again  and  run  up  and  down,  but  my  feet  re- 
fused to  serve  me.  I  tried  to  scream  out;  my 
voice  died  in  my  throat.  An  impenetrable  mist 
veiled  my  thoughts,  paralyzed  my  will.  I  already 
began  to  doubt  the  correctness  of  my  judgment. 

I  could  not  understand  who  I  was,  who  these 
dreadful  people  were,  what  was  the  object  of  their 
terrible  doings.  Finally  the  moment  came,  the  one 
moment  in  my  life  when  I  began  to  believe  in  a 
supernatural  world,  in  ghosts  or  mystic  sorcery. 
But  this  moment  did  not  last  long.  Then,  as  I,  so 
perplexed,  mused  and  stared  within,  I  suddenly 
felt  someone  from  behind  seize  me  by  my  fur  collar 
and  roar  fearfully  at  me.  Like  a  broken  straw  I 
dropped  without  a  sound  and  knew  no  more  that 
happened  to  me. 

When  I  recovered  my  consciousness  and  opened 
my  eyes,  I  lay  in  the  snow  while  the  two  men  in 
city  clothes  rubbed  my  forehead  with  snow  and 
tried  to  revive  and  encourage  me. 

"  You  are  frightened,  my  friend,"  one  of  them 
said  to  me.  *'  Do  not  fear;  we  will  do  nothing  to 
you.  We  are  doctors  and  here  only  in  the  discharge 
of  our  duty." 

"  Yes— but  the  corpses."  I  could  scarcely  utter 
the  words. 

"  The  corpses,  brother,"  one  of  the  men  replied, 
"  are  of  the  peasants  in  this  region  who  died  of 
cholera,  and  here  in  the  Death  Station  we  have  • 
dissected  them.  By  accident  you  witnessed  the 
most  repugnant  work  of  our  office.  Such  a  scene 
is  offensive  to  anyone,  but  most  so  to  those  who 
have  never  before  seen  it.  If  it  is  agreeable  to 
you  to  travel  with  us  to  the  next  post-station,  it 
will  give  us  great  pleasure,"  concluded  the  amiable 
doctor. 

But  I  thanked  him  for  his  invitation,  pleaded  a 
pressing  business  journey,  climbed  then  with  the 
assistance  of  both  doctors  into  my  sleigh,  and  rode 
swift  as  an  arrow  off'  and  away.  I  breathed  freely 
when  I  felt  myself  alone  again  on  the  plains,  but  I 
was  long  agitated  by  what  I  had  seen  in  the  lonely 
Death  Station. 

In  Siberia  sudden  deaths  frequently  occur,  but 
there  in  such  a  case  they  may  not  inter  the  body 
without  its  inspection  by  the  police  and  a  post 
mortem  examination  by  physicians  ;  but  the  num- 
ber of  doctors  in  Siberia  is  insufficient,  so,  between 
the  solitary  villages  so-called  Death  Stations  are 
erected,  to  which  the  dead  are  brought  and  placed 
in  cold  cellars  built  for  them,  remaining  there  till 
a  police  and  medical  commission  arrives  and  ex- 
amines them.  Then,  only,  are  they  separately 
conveyed  to  their  lonely  burial  places  and  in- 
terred. 

Thus  I  was  the  involuntary  witness  of  such  a 
judicial  post  mortem,  and  I  shudder  even  now  when 
I  recall  that  night  during  my  flight  from  Siberia. 
— From  the  German. 

E.    F.    D. 


A  patriot  returns  to  his  native  land  more  pro- 
foundly convinced  than  ever  of  its  immeasureable 
superiority  to  every  other  country  in  the  world. 

"  The  language  of  those  other  countries,"  he 
says,  with  a  tine  scorn,  ""is  particularly  idiotic. 
Why,  they  call  things  this,  that  and  the  other, 
without  the  slightest  regard  for  their  nature  or  use. 
Now,  you  know,  it  is  different  with  us.  We  call  a 
brush  a  brush,  because  you  use  it  to  brush  with  ; 
or  a  glass  a  glass,  because  it  is  made  of  glass  ;  or  a 
hat  a  hat,  because'— — 

'*  Well,  because — why  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  guess  that  must  be  derived  from  one  of 
those  same  foreign  languages,  now  that  I  come  to 
look  into  it  !  " 


Character  of  a  journalist  by  another  journalist : 
"  He  is  the  best  feUow  in  the  world — indulgent 

to  the  vices  of  all  his  friends  and  merciless  only  to 

their  virtues." 


A  rare  flower — the  pink  of  politeness. 


THE     WASP. 


3 


LITERARY    NOTES. 


|  the  February  number  of  the  so-called  "Over- 
Monthly,"   Mr.  Leonard    Kip   concludes   his 
story  "  Thaloe."     Nothing  else  in  the  num.. 
ppoars  to  merit  the  distinction  of  separate 
on,  though   most  of  the  matter  deserves  it. 
'.  T.  Hopkins  contributes  a  paper  on  "Evil 
'actor  in  Evolution,"  in  which  he  says  much 
I  is  so  true  as  to  be  trite,  though  he  must  be 
ed  with  a  considerable  originality  as  a  humor- 
hen  he  says  such    thing  as  this:     "Would 
itry  ever  have  have  existed  but  for  the  tooth- 
Clearly,  it  would  not ;  and,  clearly,  but 
e  toothache  it  could  have  been  spared.     Mr. 
ins'  other  illustrations  of  the  value  of  evil  as 
iciting  cause  of  means  to  overcome  it  are  not 
so  frankly  idiotic  as  this,  but  altogether  his 
e  is  a  very  choice  bit  of  unconscious  humor, 
i  a  paper  on  "  the  Criminal  Responsibility  of 
nsane,''  Mr.    Harold  Wheeler  concedes  that 
ire  criminally  responsible,  we  commend  him 
1  nost  of   his  fellow-contributors  to  the  atten- 
I  )f  the  police  authorities.     The  verses  in  the 
i  er  are  mostly  on  the  lowest  attainable  intel- 
ttl  level — the  two  exceptions  being  the   late 

I  s  F.  Bowman's  "  Sweethearts  and  Wives,"  in 
:  i,  could  the  author  have  emancipated  himself 
]  his  servitude  to  monosyllabic  weakness,  he 

I I  have  risen  to  a  higher  altitude,  and  Ina 
c  rith's  "occasional"  poem  read  at  that  gath- 
i  of  overgrown  children  "  the  Overland  dinner" 

r.  Irving  M.  Scott's,  where  everything  was 
1  irnian,  the  wines  economically  included.  Miss 
( irith  too  would  doubtless  have  written  better 

e  had  had  a  more  inspiring  subject  than 
-  r"— that  is  to  say,  the  Oocrland's — "  Poets." 
1  dering  that  by  "  our  "  poets  are  meant  such 

•ace  this  number  of  the  magazine,  namely, 
l  :s  Berry  Bensel,  Seddie  E.  Anderson,  John 
u  pe — who  modestly  heads  his  metrical  folly 
I  is  Is  Wisdom"— Kate  M.  Bishop,  B.  E.  Wood, 
<  E.  C.  Stanford,  the  wonder  is  that  Miss  Cool- 
i  did  not  write  a  dirge.  It  is  true  they  are  not 
;  but  they  ought  to  be  ;  though  doubtless  Mr. 
3  cins  would  deplore  their  extinction  as  the  re- 
3  il  of  "factors  in  evolution."     The  Overland 

e  happy  hunting  ground  of  ambitious  ama- 
i  ,  of  whose  adventures  in  that  enchanted  re- 
3  it  is  one  of  the  hard  conditions  that  they 
I  figure  not  as  hunters  but  as  huntees. 
'  e  proprietor  of  the  Overland  Monthly,  the  man 
l  owns  its  debts,  is  Mr.  Warren  Cheney,  a  gen- 
s  in  who  was  a  voluminous  writer  in  it  when  it 
|  the  honest  name  of  The  Californium.  During 
|  period  we  had  frequent  occasion  to  say  of  Mr. 
n  iey  that  he  could  not  write— at  all.  In  the 
I  iary  number,  however,  he  had  a  critical  paper 
I  he  works  of  Bret  Harte.  Of  this  paper  we 
1 

Ir.  Warrea  Cheney's  review  of  Bret  Harte's  work 
3  a  notable  advance  in  the  reviewer's  powers  of 
sis  and  a  clear  improvement  in  his  style.  We  should 
le  surprised  to  find  this  gentleman  becoming  a  good 
r  by  mere  dint  of  much  writing." 

ow  comes  the  New  York  Tribune  with  an  expose 
Lr.  Cheney  as  a  plagiarist.  With  a  light  heart 
exposer  proceeds  to  the  utter  and  irremedible 

;  rmination  of  Mr.  Cheney  by  showing  that  he 

i  the  whole  article,  sentence  by  sentence,  from 

critiques  of    Mr.   Edmund  C.   Stedman,  the 

on  Poe,  the  other  on  Lowell.     This  result  the 

i  mm  writer  accomplishes  by  the  cold  cruelty  of 
ting  long   extracts   from   Mr.    Stedmad's    ar- 

;  !S  in  parallel  columns  with  long  extracts  from 
Cheney's  article.  We  have  room  here  for  but 
w  sample  sentences  taken  at  random : 

edman  on  Poe:  "  With  each  of  these  is  associated 
ji  accident  of  condition,  some  memory  of  eccentric 
us,  through  which  it  arrests  our  attention  and  claims 
special  wonder." 

|heney  on  Habte:  "With  each  of  these  is  linked 
e  association  of  aptness,  some  instance  of  felicitous 
•actenzation  by  which  he  holds  attention  and  forces 
special  approval." 

HiDMAN  ON  Poe:  "  Only  in  the  most  perfect  tales  can 
English  style  be  called  excellent,  however  significant 
!  thought." 

heney  on  Haute:  "  Only  in  a  small  group  of  his 
les  can  he  be  said  to  be  truly  individual,  however  fresh 
new  his  thought." 

tedman  on  Poe:  "  His  imagination  was  not  of  the 
lest  order,  for  he  never  dared  to  trust  to  it  implicitly  ; 
iainly  not  in  his  poetry,  since  he  could  do  nothing 
h  a  measure  like  blank  verse." 

Iheney  on  Haute:  "  His  imagination  is  not  of  the 
nest  order,  for  he  never  dares  to  trust  to  it  implicitly ; 


certainly  not  in  liis   prose,  for  he  can  do  nothing  in  the 
way  of  continued  production." 

Steoman  on  Lowell:  "  In  a  liberal  sense,  and  some- 
what as  Emerson  stands  for  American  thought,  the  poet 
Lowell  has  become  our  representative  man  of  letters." 

Cheney  ox  Haste:  "In  a  liberal  sense,  and  some- 
what as  Poe  stands  for  American  Poetry,  he  has  become 

our  representative  story-teller." 

STBDHAN  'in  Lowell:  "Mr.  Lowell's  prose  diver- 
sions, so  wide  in  range,  could  not  have  been  made  without 
some  lapse  of  fealty  to  the  Muse  of  Son::." 

Cheney  on  Haute:  "Bret  Harte's  dialect  diversions, 
so  cramped  in  range,  could  not  have  been  made  without 
some  supplemental  work  in  the  way  of  legitimate  song." 

Of  these  sample  sentences  of  Mr.  Cheney's  work, 
as  of  the  scores  of  others  not  here  given,  it  is  true 
and  obvious  that  no  one  single  could  have  been 
written  without  the  corresponding  one  of  Mr.  Sted- 
man's  placed  alongside  the  manuscript — without 
Mr.  Cheney's  eye  oscilating  like  a  pendulum  be- 
tween the  two  as  his  thievish  hand  transcribed  the 
thought  while  ingeniously  altering  the  words.  And 
this  is  the  man  who  as  proprietor  and  manager  of  a 
magazine  dishonestly  called  The.  Overland  Monthly 
proposes  to  resurrect  the  buried  glory  of  a  "purely 
Californian"  literature  !  This  is  the  person  who  un- 
der the  patronage  of  an  unlettered  man  who  wishes 
to  be  Governor,  and  by  the  aid  of  amateur  pens 
and  the  unrewarded  labor  of  a  misguided  young 
girl-editor  who  has  no  true  friend  to  dissuade  her, 
has  promised  himself  the  glory  and  profit  of  re- 
creating a  literary  golden  age  that  consisted  solely 
in  the  genius  of  one  man  whose  services  he  cannot 
command — Mr.  Bret  Harte.  It  is  "  of  a  piece" 
with  this  whole  Warmedoverland  Monthly  enter- 
prise— an  enterprise  conceived  in  sin,  brought  forth 
in  corruption  and  nurtured  by  Irving  M.  Scott. 

The  best  two-bits'  worth  of  fun  that  we  know  of 
is  Pitch's  Animal  for  1883.  Two-bits'  worth  of  fun 
at  current  rates  goes  a  long  way  ;  it  will  last  a  con- 
siderable time,  with  proper  economy  ;  for  fun  is  a 
thing  to  be  taken  in  small  doses.  Still,  this  is  very 
good  fun,  albeit  a  trifle  trivial  and  occasionally 
puerile.  Perhaps  the  chief  value  of  the  book  lies 
in  its  extraordinary  development  of  the  capabili- 
ties of  the  zincographic  process  of  illustration. 
The  pictures,  ouite  apart  from  their  subjects,  aiv 
really  quite  remarkable  in  execution,  some  of  them 
being  but  little  inferior  to  wood  engraving — supe- 
rior, indeed,  in  the  matter  of  strength  and  forth- 
right honesty  of  method  to  much  of  the  wood  en- 
graving of  to-day.  A  member  of  the  English  firm 
of  Dalziel  Brothers,  the  principal  wood  engravers 
in  London,  once  said  to  the  writer  that  he  saw  in 
the  zincographic  process  something  that  threatened 
the  extinction  of  the  art  in  which  he  had  all  his 
fortune  invested.  The  prophecy,  fortunately,  has 
not  been  verified,  but  if  the  same  talent  that  now 
works  upon  the  boxwood  block  should  take  hold  of 
the  zinc  plate  it  is  hard  to  say  what  might  eventu- 
ally come  to  pass.  One  advantage  zinc  certainly 
has  over  wood  :  it  is  not  capable  of  the  silly  smooth- 
ness and  prettiness  into  which  wood  engraving  has 
fallen.  Its  limitations,  too,  are  easily  recogniza- 
ble, whereas  the  wood  engraver  seems  incapable  of 
discerning  those  of  his  own  art,  and  is  constantly 
transgressing  them. 

The  February  St.  Nicholas  is  an  admirable  num- 
ber. One  does  not  need  to  be  a  child  in  order 
adequately  to  enjoy  this  best  of  all  children's 
oeriodicals.  As  an  editor,  Mrs.  Mary  Mapes 
Dodge  has  a  conspicuous  talent  for  her  vocation. 
It  is  difficult  to  recall  the  name  of  any  other  per- 
son who  has  given  token  of  a  talent  that  could  do 
acceptably  the  work  that  hers  has  done  admirably. 
If  when  she  dies — may  the  day  be  distant — every 
child  that  she  has  made  happy  could  lay  a  pebble 
on  her  grave  she  would  have  a  monument  that 
would  supply  the  means  of  personal  encounter  to 
all  the  bad  boys  who  do  not  read  her  magazine. 

Mr.  William  Black  has  been  engaged  to  write  a 
serial  for  the  Illustrated  London  News,  and  is  pre- 
paring his  yacht,  his  Scottish  coast,  his  tempest, 
his  sunrise  at  sea  and  his  other  "properties."  The 
characters  that  he  has  drowned  in  his  other  stories 
will  live  again  in  this  one.  In  that  sense,  at  least, 
they  are  immortal. 

Jas.  R.  Osgood  &■  Co.  are  bringing  out  a  new 
book  by  Mr.  Henry  James,  Jr.  Are  we  rash  in 
conjecturing  that  it  will  deal  with  certain  aspects 
of  certain  phases  of  certain  differences  between 
European  and  American  manners  ? 

The  most  interesting  paper  in  the  February 
Harper  is  on  "  German  Political  Leaders"  contain- 


ing their  portraits.  Excepting  Ton  Moltke— who 
is  not  a  political  leader— they  are  not  :i  handsome 
lot  to  eyes  accustomed  to  the  charms  of  American 

political  bosses. 

The  latest  addition  to  the  Taudmih  series  is 
Mr.  H.nvcll  s  extremely  slovenly  novel,  .1  Modern 
Instance, 

The  American  lovers  of  Alphonse  Daudet  are 
agog  for  his  latest  novel,  which  will  be  published 
by  the  Petersons.  It  has  created  something  of  a 
furor  in  Paris. 

The  Critic  will  be  a  weekly  henceforth,  and  will, 
we  hope,  improve  the  "tone"  of  its  criticism, 
which  is  a  trifle  slangy. 


A     PLEA    AT    BAR, 


Pajarox.oranuary  -P,  1888, 

Mb.  Wasp  : — Please  Btand  aside  once  more  and 
let  me  at  'em  again. 

Representatives,  on  a  previous  occasion  I  address- 
ed you  as  "  Legislators,"  or,  at  least,  that  is  what 
I  meant.  I  have  since  found  that  'most  any  darned 
fool  can  represent  but  it  takes  brains  to  legislate  ; 
therefore  I  speak  to  you,  now,  by  the  broader  title 
— a  title  broad  like  a  slap-jack,  also  as  thin— and  I 
speak  to  you  not  as  at  the  other  time,  arising  to  the 
house  of  legislation,  but  I  take  you  at  the  bar  —be- 
tween drinks.  Sahe '!  (No,  thank  you — just 
drank.)  I  am  informed  that  a  majority  of  you 
(particularly  from  the  rural  districts)  do  your  best 
intellectual  work  in  front  of  this  polished  plank  ; 
therefore  it  is  that  I  lean  my  back  up  against  this 
counter  and  talk  to  you.  Most  of  you,  Represent- 
atives, doubtless  know  what  is  a  sick  stomach, 
else  you  would  not  be  here  now  before  this  polished 
plank  on  this  or  other  occasions.  Healthy  men, 
with  twisting  inwards,  have  rushed  to  the  rear- 
porch  rail  of  this  Capitol  gasping,  "  Ugh  !  Smwal'd 
a  fly."  That's  diplomacy.  All  the  "  fly  boys  "  do 
it.  It  is  rough  on  the  insect,  yet  it  makes  the  insect 
the  hero  of  a  fiction — which  is  compensation. 

But  what  I  wanted  to  s  ly  to  you  is  this  :  If  you 
cannot  bear  the  thought  of  swallowing  a  fly  will  you 
permit  these  bull-butter  fellows  to  sell  the  juice  of 
rhe  fly's  children  to  your  children  ?  Will  you  not 
pass  a  good  stout  law  against  the  S'tle  of  a  culinary 
grease  made  from  slaughter-house  offal  ?  Will  you 
not  enact  a  statute  to  stop  the  sale  of  soap-grease 
under  the  guise  of  butter  or  oleomargarine  looking 
like  butter  ?  Think,  Oh' !  think  of  that  fly  you 
thought  you  swallowed,  then  go  out  to  the  slaugh- 
ter-houses of  Sacramento  and  smell  and  smell  and 
smell.  Go  inside  those  houses,  slide  across  the 
bloody  floors  and  watch  the  festive  maggot  as  he 
waltzes  through  the  filth  ;  look  into  the  slimy 
corners  and  behold  the  big  black  beetle  with  his 
glassy  eyes  and  putrid-painted  feelers  as  he  seeks 
for  his  prey  !  Watch  the  Chinaman,  knee-deep  in 
entrails,  gather  the  feculent  fat  from  which  is  made 
the  best  of  this  oleomargarine  !  And  this,  being 
the  best,  holy  Moses  !  what  must  the  worst  be  s 
Now  go  to  your  desks  and  read  "  The  Seventh  Re- 
port of  the  State  Board  of  Health  of  California," 
pages  110  to  118. 

And  don't  you  dare  come  home  without  being 
able  to  show  to  your  constituents  that  you  did  your 
level  best  to  stop  this  frightful  fraud. 

Attorney  for  the  Cow. 


Vanderbilt  has  decided  to  forego  his  visit  to  Cali- 
fornia for  the  present  at  least.  We  should  like  to 
have  seen  him,  and  sent  our  reporters  on  his  trail. 
If  would  be  interesting  to  hear  his  comparison  of 
the  baronial  castles  on  Nob  Hill  with  his  own 
mansion  on  Fifth  avenue.  He  stated  that  he  de- 
ferred his  trip  because  he  feared  a  snow  blockade. 
There  was  a  more  potent  and  widely  different 
reason.  Mr.  Vanderbilt  was  aware  of  the  exis- 
tence of  an  ex-Board  of  Supervisors  in  this  city, 
who,  having  squeezed  San  Francisco  to  her  ultimate 
dollar,  had  sworn  a  mighty  oath  over  a  pile  of 
fraudulent  warrants  to  Captain  Vanderbilt,  and 
hold  him  for  ransom.  The  scheme  was  an  excel- 
lent one.  Indeed,  it  may  be  still  practicable. 
If  these  swollen  millionaires  can  be  reached  in  no 
other  way,  let  us  kidnap  them,  clip  off  an  ear  or 
the  tip  of  the  nose  to  show  the  earnestness  of  our 
pui'pose,  and  send  these  tokens  of  a  grim  resolve 
to  their  bankers  with  a  quiet  intimation  to  remit. 
It  might  not  be  acceptable  in  the  sight  of  the  law, 
but  heaven  would  smile  upon  such  a  noble  attempt 
at  a  retributive  j  ustice. 


THE     WASP 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  MO  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 
E.    C.     MACFARLANi    <&    CO.. 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


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SATURDAY, 


FEBRUARY  3,  1883. 


The  Railroad  gang's  latest  and  most  formidable 
movement  against  the  public  interest  is  shown  in  a 
bill  now  pending  in  Congress  authorizing  a  con- 
solidation of  the  various  companies  whose  lines 
extend  from  New  Orleans  to  San  Francisco  into 
"  a  body  politic  and  corporate  of  the  United 
States" — that  is,  the  creation  of  another  giant 
monopoly  which  shall  be  independent  uf,  and  supe- 
rior to,  the  Governments  of  the  States  and  Terri- 
tories through  which  these  lines  are  laid.  The 
disposition  now  manifested  in  California,  Arizona 
and  Texas  to  regulate  and  restrain  the  operations 
of  these  companies,  curbing  their  insufferable  greed 
and  taxing  their  dishonest  profits,  is  the  inciting 
cause  of  this  new  "  protective  "  action.  The  com- 
munities most  affected  by  their  piciless  plundering 
having  become  restive  under  the  repeated  thrusts 
of  Stanford's  and  Crocker's  hands  into  the  public 
and  private  pocket,  these  crafty  rascals  propose  to 
put  their  property  under  a  remote  jurisdiction 
having  only  a  general  and  undefined  interest  in 
the  matter — a  jurisdiction  where  "  offense's  gilded 
hand  may  shove  by  justice"  and  be  assisted  by 
Judge  Field  in  the  shoving.  In  order  to  "accom- 
plish this  magnificent  iniquity  there  is  a  great 
gathering  uf  the  conspirators  at  Washington  and 
the  "  sack  "  has  been  pulled  wide  open.  The  bdl 
has  already  commended  itself  to  the  judgment  of 
every  thrifty  patriot  who  has  had  his  arms  in  the 
"sack."  It  will  probably  pass,  and  the  monopoly 
impoverished  people  of  California  may  eat  their 
teeth  in  ineffectual  rage.  Indeed,  they  will  soon 
have  very  little  else  to  eat. 


In  the  meantime  Senator  Del  Valle  has  offered 
in  our  Legislature  a  memorial  requesting  the  Cali- 
fornian  delegation  in  Congress  to  use  all  honorable 
means  to  defeat  the  bill.  As  we  write,  this  me- 
mor  al  has  not  been  adopted.  We  do  not  think  it 
will  be.  This  Democratic  anti- Railroad  Legisla- 
ture takes  its  instructions  from  Mr.  W.  W.  Stow, 
the  professional  beauty  and  kept  statesman  of  ex- 
Governor  Stanford.  In  the  Senate  are  not  one 
dozen  men  who  have  not  been,  or  do  not  expect  to 
be,  bought  by  the  R.dlroad  for  coin  to  them  iu 


hand  paid;  and  most  of  them  justly  felicitate 
themselves  on  the  delivery  of  an  inferior  quality 
of  goods.  Many  an  Honorable  Member  of  the 
Assembly,  too,  who  has  all  aloDg  voted  in  the 
Railroad  interest  without  compensation  is  con- 
fidently waiting  for  Mr.  Stow  to  come  along  with 
the  sack  and  make  an  honest  man  of  him.  If 
the  Senate  had  had  a  majority  of  self-respecting 
members  it  would  not  have  tolerated,  Lieutenant- 
Gvernor  Daggett's  Committee  on  Corporations, 
seven  of  whom  out  of  the  nine  are  indebted  to 
Mr.  Stanford  for  the  rent  of  their  own  entrails, 
and  some  of  whom  would  not  have  a  shirt  to  their 
backs  if  he  went  about  gathering  up  his  property 
with  half  the  assiduity  that  he  uses  in  gathering 
up  ours. 


The  Examiner's  summary  of  the  mischiefs  that 
would  result,  and  are  intended  to  result,  from  the 
proposed  consolidation  of  these  railroad  companies 
so  far  as  the  people  of  California  would  be  affected, 
is  accurate.  It  would  withdraw  the  Southern  Pa- 
cific Railroad  Company  from  their  control ;  make 
it  independent  of  the  Railroad  Commission  ;  still 
further  increase  the  difficulty  of  making  it  pay  its 
taxes  ;  force  litigants  against  it  to  come  to  San 
Francisco  to  the  Federal  court,  instead  of  having 
their  cases  tried  in  the  State  court  of  their  own 
counties,  and,  generally,  fortify  the  Company 
against  every  just  demand  and  needed  regulation. 
Moreover,  the  bill  is  ingeniously  so  drawn  that  the 
new  "  body  politic  and  corporate  of  the  United 
States "  would  be  confirmed  in  the  possession  of 
the  enornous  land  grant  which,  as  matters  now 
stand,  the  Texas-Pacific  has  forfeited  by  failure  to 
perform  its  agreement  with  the  Government.  If 
this  rascally  bill  is  suffered  to  get  through  Congress 
without  a  vigorous  protest  from  our  State  Legisla- 
ture we  trust  we  shall  be  spared  the  sore  trial  of 
listening  to  any  further  inane  gabble  about  the 
moral  difference  between  a  hungry  Democrat  and 
a  gorged  Republican.  The  tranquil  complacency 
with  which  the  poddy  and  pampered  dog  on  a  door 
mat  ingulfs  the  unearned  increment  of  his  cus- 
tomary viand  could  not  exceed  as  a  spectacle  the 
vivacity  with  which  these  ragged,  tagless  and  bob- 
tail canine  tramps  of  the  new  Legislature  will  have 
raveled  out  the  coils  of  sausage  in  Mr.  W.  W. 
Stow's  coat  tail  pocket. 


The  advocates  of  the  new  Charter  are  in  a  pretty 
bad  way  :  the  strongest  argument  that  they  can 
present  why  it  should  be  adopted  happens  to  be  an 
insuperable  obstacle  to  its  adoption.  Its  main  de- 
sign is  to  prevent  the  pillaging  of  the  public  treas- 
ury ;  but  the  public  treasury  has  been  already  so 
industriously,  thoroughly  and  minutely  pillaged 
that  there  is  no  money  to  pay  the  expense  of  an 
election  for  the  new  Charter's  ratification.  This 
absurd  outcome  of  the  Commission's  labors  and 
the  people's  hope  is  quite  in  character  with  the 
whole  business.  So  great  is  the  people's  distrust 
of  anybody  and  everybody  whom  they  select  to 
perform  any  public  function  that  any  desired  broth 
must  have  as  many  cooks  as  possible.  The  sensi- 
ble and  business-like  way  to  get  a  charter  would  be 
to  select  the  fifteen  "freeholders"  and  let  them 
make  one,  which  should  become  a  law  the  moment 
they  sign  it.  But  that  is  not  popular  government ; 
that  would  be  the  fifteen-men  power,  and  therefore 
only  fifteen  times  as  good  as  the  one-man  power. 
So  we  first  elect  the  charter  makers  before  know- 
ing if  we  want  a  charter.  Then,  when  they  have 
made  one,  we  have  to  learn  by  an  election  if  we 
want,  not  a  charter — there  is  no  way  to  ascertain 
that — but  this  particular  charter.  The  Legislature 
too  has  to  have  a  hack  at  it ;  the  member  frum 
Horn  Toad  Valley  would  feel  defrauded  of  his 
political  rights  if   he  were  not  permitted  to  say 


how  the  resident  of  Tar  Flat  should  be  local 
governed.  It  is  just  as  well  that  the  childish  fan  ; 
be  stopped  right  here;  and  the  thieves  who  sto; 
us  so  poor  that  we  cannot  go  on  with  the  show  hai 
rendered  an  unimportant  public  service.  The  r  i 
tired  Carmanarchy  is  entitled  to  respectful  grat  I 
tude  ;  it  has  deserved  well  of  its  victims. 


It  looked  the  other  day  as  if  this  helpless  con 
monwealth  were  to  be  exposed  to  the  ravages  of  tl 
warlike  hordes  of  Nevada  without  either  the  powt 
to  resist   or   the   right  to   sue.     In   pursuance  < 
his  duty  and  in  discharge  of  the  high  trust  of  guart 
ing  against  invasion,  and  consequent  disbandmei 
of  the  Militia,  the  Governor  had  solemnly  desij 
nated  that  grizzled  veteran,  Walter  Turnbull,  as 
proper  person  to  step  into  the  military  jackbooi 
vacated    by    the    late     lamented     Major-Genen, 
Barnes,  dead   on  the  field  of  honor  ;    had  selecte 
ex-Brigadier-General  W.  H.  Dimond  to  lead  agaii 
the    Bloody    Second    into    the    imminent   deadll 
breach  ;    had  persuaded  Messrs.  Cadwallader  an 
Hall  to  shine   "  with  horrid  splender  dazzling  a 
the  field,"  at  the  head  of  the  Fighting  Fifth  am 
the  Indomitable  Sixth,  respectively.     He  had  nom- 
inated  El  Capitan  Don  Carlos   Sonntago,    as   Im 
spector-General   of    Rifle   Practice   and  Lady  Lei 
Mix  as  Vivandiere  to  the  Brass  Band.     And  thei 
the  Senate  would  not  confirm  !      It  bucked  like 
mule  and  balked  worse  than  the  Rock  of  Gibraltar 
For  several  days  it  left  the  military  forces  of  thii 
great  State  with  no  commanders  high  enough  ili 
rank  to  whip  a  cripple.     If   the   Republican  parti 
had  started  a  servile  insurrection  there  was  no  powe:< 
to  oppose  their  triumphant  advance  upon  the  publ 
lie  treasury.     From  this  terrible  peril  we  were  ree 
lievod  by  the  unselfish  patriotism  of  the  appointee* 
themselves.     All  means  of  compromise  having  beel-l 
exhausted,    they  generously    consented    to    servil 
without  confirmation.     It  was  a  masterly  stroke — 
a  coup  d'etat  that  overthrew  the  sullen  Senate  andi 
broke  its  heart  like  a  motion  to  adjourn  on  the  last 
day   of    the   session.     The  Senate  confirmed  those 
appointments  and   the   hostile  Republican  folded' 
his  tent  like  an  Arab  and  silently  stole  a  thousand- 
dollars. 


For  the  mere  honest  love  of   lying   the  Eveniim 
Post  publishes  a  long  defense  of   ex-Governor  Per-. 
kins  against  the  attacks  made  upon  his   reputatioi 
by  his  own  acts  in  connection  with  the  Harbor  anc 
Pilot   Commissions;  and   then   it   is   put  into  th<  < 
Alta  and  Chronicle  at  a  dollar  a  line.     This  is  a  lit 
tie  hard  on  the  Post,  but  in   all  the  affairs  of   thii  I 
mismanaged   world  the  rewards   of  zeal  go  mostlj  i 
to  the  unzealous.     If  the  testimony  taken  by  th<  ( 
investigating  committee  did  not  show  that  Gover- 
nor Perkins  had  used  his  official  position  in  such  a 
way  that  the  firm  of  which  he  is  a  member  obtained  I 
a  dishonest  advantage  from   dishonorable   practi4 
ces  it  did  not   show  anything.     That  Mr.  Perkins 
should  have  disgraced  himself  for  gain  was  to  b» 
expected.      When   a  man  with  the  education  of  at 
cart-horse  and  the  morals  of  its  father;  whose  onlw 
credentials  are  all  the  various  degrees  of  obscurity ,i 
and  whose  sole  qualification  is   inexperience;   whw 
has  but  four  virtues — real  estate,  personal  property! 
cash    on   hand,  and  solvent  credits — when  such  a; 
man  is  elected  to  high  office  it  is  not  to  be  expected] 
that  he  will  discern  in   the   happy  accident    anyl 
thing   but  an  opportunity  to  get  as  rich  as  he  cad 
consistently  with  his  duty   of   enriching  his   partJ 
ners.     Compared  with  the  expectation  of  making} 
such  a  man  serve  the  State  first  and  himself  after- 
ward, the  dream  of  persuading  the  foremost  pig  aw 
the  trough  to  withhold  its  snout  in  mannerly  defer 
ence  to  the  squealing  laggards  is  a  reasonable  proba 
bility  and  a  substantial  hope. 


THE     WASP. 


TO     ADYERTISEKH. 


Wo  (/ton  .i-it: ,  i,„  llt,„fs /..,-  Hi-'  Wasp  can  &i  (ofcen 

,-/  o/i  a»ii/  fc  ntia.     On   Ww  txpiratitm  of  thou 

\lready  in  ttu    paper,  pre/   e»c«   um/J    necewartti/  he 

■  ><'■..      Pi  i'  ,M,,-,  /aio]  mg  u  -  with  a   notieA 

\f  their  wish  to  twits  rtim  will  he  uppt  isi  d  of  vacant  ■•  ■- 

(,s  they  occur. 


EDITORIALETTES. 


<-1 

l 

It"   < .vert!  still  looking  about  for  the  causes  of 

.  ;he  Republican  defeat  last  year  one  could  Gnd 
tome  twenty  millions  of  them  in  the  sum  appropri 
ited  by  the' River  and  Harbor  Bill.  The  Republi 
;ans  in  Washington  appear  to  be  dissatisfied   with 

■i  ;his  meagre  number,  and  are  about  to  supply  sum 
leventy  millions  of  reasons  why  the  party  Bhould 
je  exterminated  at  the  next  Presidential  election, 
seventy  millions  is  the  sum  which,  Mr.  Page  ex- 
Jains,  will  be  asked  for  in  the  River  and  Harbor 
Bill  this  year.  One  hundred  and  forty-six  mem- 
bers of  the  House,  mostly  Republicans,  will  per- 
manently retire  from  public  life  at  the  end  of  the 
present  session.  It  is  clear  that  they  mean  to  re- 
tire on  a  competency.  Seventy  million  dollars  an- 
no nearly  a  half  million  apiece  that  the  deficiency 
is  unimportant  and  may  be  applied  to  the  im- 
provement of  rivers  and  harbors. 


It  is  agreed  all  round  that  the  present  is  a  most 
disastrous  year,  so  far  as  it  has  gone,  and  our  artist 
has  cleverly  embodied  that  estimate  of  it  in  one  of 
our  cartoons  this  week.  Curiously  enough,  i7  Popa- 
gallo,  the  famous  Italian  illustrated  journal  pub- 
lished at  Bologna,  comes  to  us  this  week  with  a 
brilliant  cartoon  representing  the  year  1882  as  a 
rascally  looking  old  man  pursued  and  pelted  off  the 
earth  by  all  the  nations  on  it.  The  inscription  is 
as  follows: 

Aimn  birbone,  anno  di  terribili  innonda/.ioni,  di  fame, 
di  terremoti,  delle  guerre  intduste,  degli  attentati  ed  ass  s- 
ainii,  di  tifo,  colera,  scontri  di  treni,  incetidi,  disastri  di 
terra  e  di  mare  e  fallimenti.  Ce  V  hai  vuotato  il  sacco? 
Va  al  diavolo,  anno  scellerato  ! 

For  the  unlearned  reader  this  is  then  turned 
into  French  thus  : 

Annee  friponne,  annee  d'inondations  terribles,  de 
famine,  de  tremblements  de  terre,  de  guerres  injuatea, 
d'attemtats  et  d'assasainats,  de  typhus,  cholera,  heurtes 
de  trains,  incendies,  deaastres  de  terre  et  de  mer  et  fail- 
litea.  Tu  1*  as  vide  le  sac  !  Va-t-en  au  diahle,  annee 
abominable  ! 

This  is  not  the  language  of  compliment  in  either 
tongue.  The  fact  seems  to  be  that  every  year  is 
pretty  hard  on  us  poor  mortals. 


presentations,  and  more  introductions  have  Idled 
up  the  sum  of  that  hapless  nobleman's  days  in 
this  famed  Republic.  W  hat  is  it  about  a  title  that 
wins  its  way  so  swiftly  to  the  American  heart  '. 
Not  that  the  Marquis  is  not  a  gracious  gentleman, 
but  had  he  been  otherwise  it  would  not  have  made 
a  shade  of  difference  in  the  amount  of  homage  he 
ie.-ei\ed.  I 'aii  it  be  that,  following  the  human 
law,  we  hanker  after  what  we  cannot  possess,  and 
as  we  have  no  hereditary  nobles  Hy  to  the  imported 
article  whenever  and  wherever  it  appears,  and  con- 
sole ourselves  with  the  husk  of  railroad  kings, 
bonanza  kings  and  merchant  princes  in  lieu  of  the 
true  kernel  ? 


One  would  have  thought  in  excusing  and  de- 
fending corporations  that  human  ingenuity  could 
no  further  go  than  it  has  gone  in  the  Argonaut, 
Post  and  Sacramento  Record- Union,  but  there  is  an 
editor  in  a  little  town  across  the  bay  who  can 
"  just  lay  over"  even  Pixley  in  his  loftiest  night  of 
subserviency.  There  have  been  two  accidents  re- 
cently to  the  steamers  connecting  San  Francisco 
with  the  town  aforesaid,  which  circumstance  moves 
the  abovementioned  editor  to  remark  : 

"  The  two  contretemps  to  our  steamers  of  late  serve  to 
remind  us,  what  all  our  travelers  say,  that  our  company 
are  very  careful,  and  it  may  he  added  that  they  are 
lucky." 

Even  accidents,  you  see,  are  beneficial :  they 
serve  to  emphasize  their  own  infrequency.  If 
powder  mills,  for  example,  did  not  occasionally  ex- 
plode there  might  be  an  unfounded  notion  in  the 
public  mind  that  they  were  exploding  most  of  the 
time.  This  ingenious  novum  organum  is  capable  of 
considerable  extension.  In  the  hands  of  a  master- 
in-sycophancy  like  the  editor  of  the  Argonaut,  it 
could  be  used  thus;  "The  paltry  two  or  three 
thousand  instances  of  swindling  by  Mr.  Governor 
Stanford  Esquire  and  the  Hon.  Mr.  Charles  Crocker 
Esquire  serve  to  remind  every  candid  and  unpreju- 
diced native  American  Christian  how  uniformly 
honest  these  gentlemen  are." 

Let  any  impartial  Judge  of  the  way  we  do  busi- 
ness in  this  county  turn  to  Martin  Ghuzzlewit*  and 
raad  of  his  American  reception,  and  the  number  of 
"remarkable  men"  who  were  presented  to  him. 
Then  with  Dickens'  creation  still  fresh  in  his  mind, 
let  him  peruse  the  telegrams  relative  to  the  visit  of 
the  Marquis  of  Lome  to  Washington.  Presented, 
received,  received,  presented,  hand-shaking,  more 


The  Democratic  members  oi  the  Legislature  need 
not  concern  themselves  about  the  criticisms  passed 
upon  their  motives  in  investigating  Republican 
officials.  We  are  ourselves  not  so  profoundly  im- 
pressed with  a  sense  of  their  patriotic  purpose  as  we 
ought  to  be,  and  are  unable  to  believe  that  many 
of  them  can  without  difficulty  rise  to  the  concep 
t  ion  of  those  unselfish  considerations  by  which  alone 
we  are  ourselves  L'uided.  Still,  they  are  doing 
irood  and  wholesome  work  in  exposing  the  corrup- 
tion of  the  incumbents  of  offices  which  they  are 
willing  to  administer  themselves.  We  submit, 
however,  that  it  is  not  enough  merely  to  put  a 
rouge  out  of  office.  It  is  like  saying  to  a  burglar  ; 
'■  Take  up  your  loot  and  skip,  and  don't  you  ever 
let  me  see  your  face  again."  If  the  committee 
charged  with  the  investigation  of  State  prison  af- 
fairs find  the  institution  at  San  Quentin  tit  for  the 
habitation  of  hogs,  we  suggest  it  as  a  singularly 
proper  place  for  ousted  officials.  If  a  man  isn't 
bad  enough  to  be  put  in  the  penitentiary  he  makes 
a  conspicuously  honest  official,  as  officials  go. 


TALES    OF    THE    COLD     "SNAP," 


Much  must  be  allowed  to  a  man  in  the  position 
and  condition  of  ex-Governor  Downey,  but  his  in- 
timation that  the  railway  hands  were  paid  to  let 
loose  the  train  that  was  smashed  on  the  Tehachapai 
grade  is  certainly  destitute  of  support.  On  the 
other  hand,  the  railway  officials'  hypothesis  that 
the  slaughter  was  planned  and  executed  by  maraud- 
ing tramps  is,  as  Mr.  Downey  weakly  describes  it, 
"  a  damnable  insult  to  intelligence,  truth  and  hu- 
manity." The  blame  appears,  from  all  the  evi- 
dence, to  rest  where  the  coroner's  jury  put  it — on 
the  conductor  and  brakeman  ;  perhaps  on  the 
brakeman  alone,  who  abandoned  his  post  to  assist 
a  young  woman  off'  the  train.  If  this  is  so  he 
should  be  made  to  feel  the  law's  severest  displeas- 
ure ;  though  if  the  young  woman  is  pretty  that  cir- 
cumstance will,  we  fear,  seem  to  the  jury  to  have  » 
mitigating  significance.  We  do  not  ourselves  think 
it  any  excuse,  but  other  men  are  quite  weak  that 
way. 


Here  is  a  sample  sentence  of  the  Evening  Post's 
defense  of  ex-Governor  Perkins  ; 

'*As  regards  pilotage,  it  is  a  matter  of  history  that 
when  a  bill  was  pending  in  the  Legislature  affecting  the 
pilots,  he  unhesitatingly  declared  in  advance  that  he 
would  sign  it  if  passed,  even  though  it  might  not  deal 
quite  fairly  with  that  interest,  because  he  would  not  have 
it  charged  that  he  in  any  way  showed  favor  to  a  line  of 
business  in  which,  while  he  himself  had  no  part  or  parcel, 
partners  of  his  in  respect  to  other  enterprises  were  indi- 
rectly concerned  as  to  revenues  derived. 

The  Pout  defends  Mr.  Perkins  against  his  accu- 
sers, but  who  is  to  defend  him  against  the  Post? 
What  our  contemporary  really  says  in  the  above 
extract  is  that  Governor  Perkins  declared  himself 
willing  to  be  unjust  in  act  in  order  to  save  himself 
from  injustice  in  thought— was  ready  to  deal  un- 
fairly with  others  lest  he  be  unfairly  suspected  of 
favoring  them.  If  this  is  praise  we  should  prefer 
the  Post's  detraction. 


I— Why  She  Shoak  Him. 


Wait  till  1  blow  my  nose.  "  Ah-kcr-shoo  !  Ker 
shook  !  "  wistfully  shouted  Mabel  McGiddygaddy 
is  ahe  stood  in  the  gathering  twilight  and  gently 
repelled  young  Sparkington's  passionate  caresses 
with  mi  axe.  For  Mabel's  lover  had  been  over  the 
-tea  to  Saueelito  fishing  and,  but  just  returned,  he 
sought  her  side  to  find,  not  the  vision  of  beauty 
and  brightness  which  had  filled  his  waking  dreams 
with  a  soft,  sweet  longing,  and  gave  him  strength 
to  dodge  the  amateur  sportsmen,  but  a  blue-nosed 
girl  with  a  snuffling  voice  who  stood  aloof  while 
she  took  from  her  reticule  a  mysterious  parcel  and 
carefully  anointed  her  red.  ripe  mouth  until  it 
looked  like  a  tomato  with  a  slice  cut  out.  Then 
she  settled  her  back  hair,  pushed  up  her  bangles, 
dropped  the  axe  and  flung  herself  into  his  arms  as 
she  murmured  "  Kiss  me,  darling,  it's  only  cam- 
phor-ice for  my  chapped  lips  !  " 


One  day  last  week  there  stood  under  the  shadow 
of  the  Nevada  Bank  Mr.  Pixley  of  the  Argonaut 
and  Mr.  Kearney  of  the  sand  lot  in  earnest  con- 
verse. At  their  feet  reclined  Mr.  Pixley 's  faithful 
dog,  and  looked  dreamily  at  the  passer-by  as  if  to 
say:  "Don't  say  there  are  three  of  us.  I  am  an 
honest  dog." 


The  dailies  have  ceased  to  mention  the  conserva- 
tory fund  as  the  "  Bush"  fund.  And  so  perishes 
the  honest  plumber's  hope  of  recognition  from 
posterity.  Nothing  but  a  patented  system  of  sew- 
erage will  now  save  him  from  the  ignominy  of 
forgetful  n  ess. 


II- 


What  He  Died  Of. 

And  it  came  to  pass  that  the  day  was  freezing  in 
the  city  of  'Frisco,  even  unto  the  uttermost  limits 
of  the  street  called  Tehama,  which  is  nigh  unto 
Gehenna.  And  the  citizens  shivered  and  blas- 
phemed and  were  exceeding  wroth,  save  that  Short- 
weight,  the  coal  dealer,  waxed  merry  and  was  joy- 
ful, and  his  scribe  chalked  upon  the  blackboard 
many  graven  images  not*in  the  likeness  of  anything 
in  the  heavens  above,  nor  in  the  earth  beneath  nor 
the  waters  under  the  earth.  Many  came  and  did 
buy  coal,  and  to  each  one  he  spoke,  saying,  Lo  ! 
is  the  day  cold  enough  for  thee  t — which  same  sage 
query  he  deemed  an  exeeeding  great  pleasantry. 
And  the  sun  fell  low  in  the  heavens,'  when  came 
one  of  the  Pharisees  from  the  club  which  is  called 
Bohemian,  whose  visage  bore  marks  of  great  wear- 
iness, and  he  rent  his  garments  in  search  of  skekels 
with  which  he  might  buy  fuel  ;  for  verily  the  day 
was  so  cold  that  whisky  could  no  longer  warm  him. 
Then  spake  Shortweight,  the  coal  dealer,  saying, 
Selah  !  Is  this  cold  enough  for  thee  ?  To  which 
made  answer  the  Pharisee,  Selah  yourself  !  Be- 
hold, have  ninety  and  nine  double-barreled  idiots 
spoken  thus  unto  me,  and  thou  the  hundredth  shalt 
die  !  And  he  smote  him  hip  and  thigh,  even  unto 
the  going  down  of  the  sun,  and  many  people  hearing 
thereof  rejoiced  and  said,  Amen.  Bysshe. 


The  late  John  Smedder  of  this  city  would  never 
acknowledge  defeat  nor  admit  that  anything  affect- 
ing his  own  affairs  could  occur  without  his  special 
connivance.  About  an  hour  before  his  death  from 
consumption,  the  other  day,  an  Oakland  parson 
called,  and  seeing  that  the  end  was  near  said  : 
"John,  you  are  about  to  be  called  hence;  are  you 
willing  to  go?"  "Willing?"  replied  the  dying  man, 
as  well  as  he  could;  "What  do  you  s'pose  I'm  a  lay- 
ing in  this  bed  for?  I've  been  tiggering  round  af- 
t.:r  this  thing  for  two  years." 


They   are  spelling  it  Sackramento  since  W.  W. 
Stow  went  up  there  to  hell)  make  the  laws. 


Whenever  the  gentlemen  who  write  up  the  local 
sports  for  the  morning  papers  are  short  of  a  few 
lines  to  fill  in  with,  they  allude  in  warm  terms  to 
the  fishing  along  the  city  front.  This  drives  a 
s:ore  or  so  of  idle  men  to  dabble  from  the  wharves, 
and  drowse  away  the  day  waiting  for  bites  that 
never  come.  This  puff'  of  the  city  front  fishing  is 
given  very  possibly  in  the  interest  of  these  idle 
men's  wives,  as  well  as  in  that  of  the  water  front 
saloons,  which  absorb  the  loose  change  drawn  from 
the  family  till  under  the  pretext  of  bait  money. 


He  was  after  an  appointment  on  the  Harbor 
Commission.  The  Governor  would  not  give  him 
any  positive  answer,  but  said:  "I  may  possibly 
wish  to  communicate  with  you.  Please  give  me 
your  address."  "Just  address  meat  the  postoffice," 
he  said.  "But  I  may  want  to  send  a  messenger, 
Where  do  you  live?"  said  the  Governor  with  gentle 
insistence.  "See  here,  Governor'.' — and  the  aspi- 
rant proudly  erected  himself — "if  I  had  any  place 
to   live  what  the  devil  would  I  want  an  office  for?" 


No  more  the  wildwood  cheers  our  eyes 

With  eglantine  and  aster, 
No  more  the  kine  do  kick  the  flies 

That  tease  them  in  the  pastur'. 
No  more  are  rural  maids  employed 

In  mashes  with  the  "utter," 
But  well  they  fill  the  aching  void 

With  buckwheat  cakes  and  butter. 


THE    WASP 


THE    PIPSISSEWA    BUSINESS. 


Mr.    Oldstone   on   State   Reports. 


In  the  Wasp  last  week,  where  and  when  you  ac- 
knowledge receipt  of  certain  State  pamphlets,  it 
does  not  appear  that  you  have  received  the  great 
boss  pam unlet  of  the  season,  entitled  Second  lie- 
port  of  the  State  Mineralogist  of  California — over 
500  pages,  sole-shelled,  law-book  size.  It  reads 
like  a  loouey  prose  edition  of  Walt  Whitman.  You 
get  it  and  look  into  it.     Pay. 

In  it,  after  local  "  puffs"  of  San  Diego  as  a  com- 
mercial point,  garnished  with  the  private  feelings 
and  scalded  foot  of  the  State  Mineralogist,  there 
are  110  pages  of  "  supplementary"  minerals  in  the 
guise  of  " -.orest  trees,"  "huckleberries,"  "heath- 
ers,'' cotton-woods,"  and  "  pipsissewa." 

Of  course  every  fellow  knows  that  there  is  some 
relation  oetween  trees  and  minerals,  but  I  submit 
if  it  is  not  drawing  it  heap  much  fine  to  pull  a 
miner  into  reading  a  big  fat  State  report  on  min- 
eralogy, and  then  run  him  into  the  woods  in  the 
middle  of  the  book.  What  in  thunder  does  a 
miner  want  with  pipsissewa,  anyhow  ?  Huckle- 
berries he  might  make  use  of  to  paint  autumnal 
boyish  bearings  on  his  new  chip  hat ;  but  pipsis- 
sewa— pah  ! — pipsissewa  biddaui  I  What  common 
honest  granger  wants  to  pay  big  money  to  print  a 
mineralogy  Cook  about  pipsissewa  /  Next  thing  we 
know  the  name  will  become  cuntagious,  and  well 
see  obituary  poetry  in  the  Call  (corrected  by  E. 
Curtis)  like  this  : 

"  Alas,  clear  child,  she's  lost  her  grip, 
Our  darling  dainty  missy, 
Who  laughed  when  we  would  call  her  "Pip," 

And  sanling  came  for  "  Sissy." 
Sli£'s  gone  to  meet  a  brighter  day, 
Poor,  patient,  pale  Pipsissewa." 

Then  again,  this  pipsissewa  and  these  huckle- 
berries are  rung  in  on  us  under  the  title  "Forest 
Trees  of  California."  Thus,  you  see,  the  State 
Mineralogist,  not  satisfied  with  basely  betraying 
us  into  the  forest,  goes  further  and  when  he  has 
us  in  the  umbrageous  gloom  puts  us  to  digging 
weeds.  If  these  weeds  and  berry  bushes  were  new 
to  science  there  might  be  some  use  in  printing 
books  about  them  in  California;  or  if  any  new 
point  had  lately  been  discovered  regarding  their 
habits  or  powers  we  might  be  able  to  "take  a  statis- 
tical statement  of  the  new  puints  ;  but  this  "re- 
port is  no  mere  statistical  statement.  Far  from  it. 
In  fact  it' is  a  hash  and  rehash  of  science,  memory, 
romance,  poetry,  drama,  melodrama  and  circus. 
The  author  has  a  quotation  of  Latin  and  anothei 
of  poetry  for  every  tree,  plant,  bush  and  weed. 
And  we,  the  taxpayers,  have  to  pay  high  for  print- 
ing that  Latin  and  those  poetry.  The  money  paio 
out  on  Latin  and  poetry  is  all  lost,  because  we 
common  folks  cannot  read  the  Latin,  and  we  won't 
read  the  poetry. 

How  do  you  like  this  ? 

PIPSISSEWA. 
f\(Chvmap?iila  umbellata  and  Mi»zk.sii.) 
"  Thy  sports,  thy  wanders  when  a  child, 
Were  ever  in  the  sylvan  wild."—  Bryant. 

Now  what  has  that  Bryantic  tosh  got  to  do  with 
that  dog- Latin  ?  Is  the  noble  author  speaking  o: 
Pip.  as  a  sportive  child,  or  does  he  lovingly  refer  to 
the  wood-brooding  waywardness  of  his  own  infant 
hours  ?     If  the  latter,  we  dash  a  tear  as  we  sigh: 

How  lovingly  sweet  memories  rise 
Of  days  devoted  to  mud-pies  ! 
Oh,  days  departed — up  the  flume — 
The  hardest  hearted  give  thee  room." 

The  author  of  "Forest  Trees  of  California'" 
quotes  the  lines  of  some  thirty-three  poets,  seven, 
saints  and  himself  ;  all  of  which  taken  separately 
like  the  stripes  across  the  zebra  are  "naryom 
alike";  and  no  quotation  sheds  any  light  on  thi 
subject  under  present  treatment.  But  we  have  t< 
pay  for  printing  it  all  the  same  ;  and  right  there 
is  where 

"  Our  fears  stick  deep  in  Banquo," 

For  we  fear  that  all  this  "  dried  apple"  literaturt 
is  intended  to  swell,  per  folio,  and  means  cold,  co:d 
busii  ess. 

Hi  ie  is  tie  author's  quoted  poetry  onto  a  hucMe- 
beirj  -bush  : 

"  How  calmly  sinks  the  parting  sun  ! 
Yet  t\\  Lligbt  lingers  still ; 
As  beam  iful  as  dreams  of  heaven 
It  slumbers  on  the  hill." — -Prentice. 

Alas,  poor  George,  I  knew  him  well  ;  and  if  tl  e 
fat  twinkle  of  his  beady  eyes  could  fall  upon  thote 


quoted  lines  he  would  probably  chuckle  and  say  : 
"  I  mayn't  be  much  of  a  poet,  but  I'm  the  devil 
on  a  huckleberry  sunset." 

You  and  your  readers,  Mr.  Wasp,  might  smile 
and  say  that  I  burlesque  the  "  Second  Report  of 
the  State  Mineralogist."  Don't  you  do  it.  I'm 
not  burlesquing.  I  represent  facts.  Solemn  facts. 
Facts  which  cost  money.  You  get  the  "  Second 
Report"  and  read  it.  Needn't  read  it  all.  Just 
read  enougli  to  see  that  I  speak — aye,  and  write 
too — like  a  right  reporter. 

But  I  now  come  to  write  about  the  meanest 
thins  in  the  whole  500  pages.  As  I  have  said  : 
thirty  and  odd  poets  are  quoted,  and  the  quotations 
paid  for  by  California  taxes,  and  yet  not  one  Cali- 
fornia poet  is  quoted.  Not  one.  Where  was  the 
author  of  "Joe  Bowers,"  who  also  wrote  "Betsey 
from  Pike"  ?  Did  he  not  pen  these  beautiful  lines 
appropriate  to  the  sage  brush,  or  any  kind  of  a 
brush  ? 

"  They  came  by  Salt  Lake,  as  they  drove  on  the  way, 
Where  Brigham  saw  Betsey  and  said  she  must  stay  ; 
But  Betsey  got  wrathy  and  called  him  "  old  fool" — 
Bucked  stiff-legged  and  snorted  and  broke  like  a  mule." 

Note  the  superior  domestic  virtue  of  our  ances- 
tral Betsey  as  compared  with  the  scriptural  Sarah 
of  Abrahamic  times.  No  nonsense  about  Betsey. 
No  going  in  with  Abimelech,  or  any  of  the  other 
Alecs.  Betsey  was  an  honest  woman,  on  the  dead 
square. 

But  if  the  "  Second  Report"  did  not  wish  to 
quote  our  most  ancient  of  poets,  it  might  have 
quoted  Dan.  O'Connell,  Harry  Dam,  Hector  Stuart, 
Harte  or  Hart  without  the  e,  Miller,  the  Shinn 
family,  Prof.  Sill,  Jim  Ayers,  William  F.  White, 
Mr.  Pickering  of  the  "Call,"  or  all  the  girls  and 
boys  over  at  Berkeley  ;  to  say  nothing  of  the  vast 
range  of  rural  rhymsters.  Here  is  cause  for  insur- 
rection. If  we  have  not  rythmic  talent  enough  to 
placard  with  broken-candy  couplets  one  tree  each 
of  our  varieties  of  forest  trees,  then — -well,  then  it 
is  time  to  stop  paying  good  tax  money  for  making 
and  printing  trashy  State  Reports. 

Solomon  Oldstone. 

Horn  Toad  Valley,  Col. 


HAIL    TO    THE     CRIEF. 


Walter  Turnbull,   the    newly  appointed  Major- 
Gen  eral  of  the  State  Militia,  was  made  in  the  town 
of  Northest  Bethlehem,  Connecticut,  the  year  that 
Napoleon  died.     He  is  of  white  pine,  and  origi- 
lally  carried  a  tin  musket,  but-  in  his  first  cam- 
paign this  was  wrested  from  him  by  a  victorious 
enemy  and   given  to  her  doll.     Walter  was  there- 
upon returned  to  the  factory  and   repaired  at  a 
jost  of  one  cent.     Some  ten  years  afterward  he 
was  so  weather  beaten  and  battle-scarred  that  he 
was  repainted — his  trowsers  a  bright  blue,  his  jacket 
in  audible  red  and  his  cocked  hat  a  screaming 
green.     It  was  at  this  time,  too*,  that  he  was  pro- 
moted from  the  ranks  and  given  a  basswood  sword 
well  glued  on.    During  the  campaign  that  followed, 
while   engaged   in    a   stubborn   encounter  with   a 
housemaid's  dust-brush,  he  fell,  severely  disabled  ; 
in-  fact,  he  was  thrown   from   the   rampart   of    a 
bureau   and   wrenched   bodily   from  his  pedestal. 
For  a  long  time  he  linger  between  the  lid  and 
bottom  of  a  rubbish  box  until,  his  heroic  patience 
md  uncomplaining  fortitude  attracting  the  notice 
if  one  in  authority — an  ingenious  lad  named  Jimmy 
Tones — he  was  furnished  with  a  new  cedar  pedestal 
and  made  whole.     It  was  at  about  this  time  that 
ie  made  his  famous  march  upon  San  Francisco  in 
■  he  till  of  an  old  hair  trunk.     On  arrival  here  he 
•vas  voted   a  new  uniform — trowsers  of  crimson, 
jacket  of  blue  and  cocked  hat  of  yellow ;  but  soon 
liter,  in  an  engagement  with  a  cat  on  the  mantel, 
\e  was  struck  down,  losing  an  arm  and  the  tip  of 
ds  nose.     The  former  was  skilfully  restored  with 
i  brass  pin,  but  the  latter  was  an  irreparable  loss 
to  the  service.     Since  then  he  has  been  on  the  re- 
tired list  in   an   unconsidered  corner  of  a  garret, 
ieneral  Turnbull  is  a  tine  specimen  of  military 
architecture,  standing   nearly  six  inches  high  on 
lis  pedestal,  which  is  itself  nearly  half  an   inch 
luck.    His  eyes  were  originally  sky  blue,  but  have 
.iffered  a  partial  eclipse  from  a  splash  of  ink  in- 
ir-red  in  receiving  a  moustache  from  the  unskilful 
■  <nd  of  a  youthful  admirer  who  painted  not  wisely 
>ut  too  well.     Time  and  the  rough  usages  of  war 
Slave  somewhat  dimmed  the  pristine  glories  of  his 
latest  uniform  and  worn  away  the  salient  points  of 
lis  figure,  but  he  is  still  firm  on  his  pedestal  and 
rill  stand  erect  if  not  pushed  over.    It  is  expected 
that  he  will  now  be  repainted  and  perhaps  gilded.  | 


FREAKS    OF    THE    FUNNY    MEN, 

We  point  with  pride  to  the  fact  that  English  girls 
beginning  to  chew  American  gum. 


Young  lady,  writing  a  love-letter  for  the  kitchen  mat 
"  That's  about  enough  now,  isn't  it  ?  "  Maid  :  "  0 
thing  more,  miss  ;  just  say  please  excuse  bad  spellin'  a  i 
writin'." 


A  gentleman  having  a  horse  that  ran  away  and  bro 
his  wife's  neck,  a  neighbor  sought  to  buy  the  anim 
"  No,  no,"  said  his  owner,    "  I  intend  to  marry  again, 


A  New  Jersey  man  has  patented  a  stove  that  exploc 
at  10  oclock  at  night.     He  has  four  daughters. 

Persons  who  do  not  understand  the  nature  of  an  oa 
should  not  undertake  to  use  the  telephone. 


Lodgers  who  are  too  poor  to  square  their  bills  contin 
to  board  'round. 


The  toothless  man  ought  to  be  a  sweet  talker,  for  j 
his  words  must  of  necessity  be  gum  drops. 


When  a  colored  man  gits  ter  be  so  well  educated  dat 
doan't  believe  in  de  Bible,  he  hah  lost  his  identity  as  a  nj 
ger,  but  yet  ain't  fitten  ter  be  classed  wid  de  white  foul 


A  man  who  has  happened  to  have  agood  deal  nf  expe 
ence  says  :  "  Stand  anywhere  but  four  feet  to  the  left 
a  woman  when  she  hurls  au  old  bottle  at  a  hen." 

A  humorist  was  once  called  into  the  presence  of  t 
managing  editor  and  solemnly  reproved  for  the  dullness 
his  wit.  "Your  jokes,"  quoth  the  editor,  "are  so  b 
that  I  ara  daily  compelled  to  print  them  in  that  nom 
script  department  entitled  '  Pearls  of  Thought.'" 


"  Does  your  Helen  remind  you  of  Helen  of   Troy 
she  asked,  sweetly,  as  the  sofa  springs  flattened  under 
pressure  of  160  pounds.    "  No,  not  precisely  ;  you  remil 
me  more  of  Helen  of  Avoirdupois,"  was  the  scaly  reply 


It  rather  annoys  a  woman  after  she  has  had  her  chi 
christened  some  romantic  Indian  name,  to  learn  that  tl 
name  translated  means  "  old  hoots." 


A  Southern  paper  speaks  of  "  the  death  of  several  cil 
zens  of  throat  disease,  superinduced  by  razors." 


Oases  of  bigamy  are  becoming  quite  numerous,  and  yfll 
it  seems  quite  possible  to  break  up  that  crime  by  clippinl 
the  ears  of  both  groom  and  bride  at  the  marriage  cerffl 
mony.  That  would  also  prevent  the  married  men  froil 
palming  themselves  off  as  single. 


First  swell :  "By  Jove,  Fred,  that  is  quite  the  highesB 
collar  I've  struck  yet."  Second  swell:  " Think  so,  olfl 
man  ?  Weil,  I  don't  mind  telling  you  it's  a  little  idea  ofl 
my  own.     It's  one  of  the  Guv'nor's  cuffs." 


The  martyrs  who  burned  at  the  stake  had  stout  hearl 
that  never  quailed  on  toast. 


• 


"  May  it  please  your  Honor,"  said  a  lawyer  who  was 
trying  a  case  of  assault  and  battery,  "  the  defendant  fell 
oniously  beat  my  client  with  a  certain  iron  implement* 
known  as  a  wooden  pestle." 

Talmage  says  that  spanking  children  should  be  d«n 
coolly,  quietly,  vigorously,  and  with  the  aim  to  let  the 
lesson  sink  deep  into  their  little  hearts.  That  seems 
rather  a  roundabout  way  to  reach  a  child's  heart. 


"  Has  your  dog  got  fleas  ?  "  asked  a  gentleman  on  the 
street  the  other  day  of  Aminadab.  "  Well,  I  can't  just 
tell,  now.  He  had  last  week  ;  but  I  rather  suspect  now 
that  the  fleas  have  got  the  dog.  It's  nip  and  tuck,  any- 
way." 


"  Do  you  believe  that  a  woman,  nowadays,  would  die 
for  the  object  of  her  love  ?  "  asked  a  bachelor  friend.  "I 
don't  know  whether  she'd  die  or  not,"  answered  the  Ben 
edick,  "but  I've  known  her  to  go  wild  when  the  trimming 
did'nt  suit  her." 


THE    WASP. 


ilarrh.  hihu.jhh^- 
(tough,  Loss  of  Voice.  Incipient  Consumption,  ami  n 
Throat  mid  Lung  Troubles. 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
Of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK     FOR    THE 

California     Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam. 

AND     TAKE     NO     OTHEK.         PrlCC,     50     Cents, 

J.  R.  G-ATES  &  Co..  Druggists.  Prop-rs. 
417  BauBome  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  s.  F. 

DEALERS  _ffl    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

J.  D.  SPREGKELS&  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

AQENT8    FOE.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

.s.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 
No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


<  < 


The     Waterbury." 


Exact  size  of  watch. 


We  make  but  one  size  as  above.  "  Series  A  "  is  Skele- 
ton Plates  and  Open  Dial.  "  Series  B  "  is  Solid  plates 
and  Full  Dial  (as  cut  shown  above). 

WATERBURY    WATCH     CO., 

A.  I.  Hall  &  Son, 

528  and  530  Market  Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL., 

Sole  Agents  for  Pacific  Coast. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRUSTTHSTGr 

Executed  with  Neatnesa  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.    C.    HUGHES, 
511    Sansome    Street, 


Cor.  Merchant. 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


AKE    HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


House   Decorating  Done  in   the   Highest  Style  of -Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  trie  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    OK   COLOR. 


220 
222 


BUSH     STREET 


224 
226 


PxUF 


ORNIA     FURfVy 


T(j* 


The    Largest    Stock— Tlie    Latest    Styles, 

CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH    PLEASURE. 


WHISKIES! 

To  the  Trade. 

We  beg  t..  call  attention  to  the  following  full  lines  of 
well-known  brands  of  Rye  and  Bourbon  : 

■toritnov. 

NELSON Fall'79 

MILLER.  C.  C January,  '81 

LEXINGTON  Spring  '80 

REDMOND Spring'  80 

L.  VANHOOK Spring  '80 

E.  C.  BEERY,  Sour  Mash Fall  '79 

MONARCH,  S,.ur  .Mash Spring '80 

WILOW  RUN Fall  79 

ItVK. 

HORSEY Spring  '70  and  '80 

NELSON Spring  '79 

SHERWOOD Spring '79 

Ml  INTICELLI  > Spring  '80 

MILLER Spring  '80 

Agents  for  bonded  goods  from  several  distilleries.    Sole 
Agents  for 

Udolplio  Wolfe's  Selilcdnni  Aromatic  Schnapps, 
Daniel   Lawrence  mid  .Son's  Mcdford  IE n in. 

Willow  Springs  Distilling  Co. 's  Spirits  anil 
Alcohol. 
Kennedy's  East   India    Kilters. 
For  sale  to  the  trade  in  lots  to  suit. 

WM.    T.    COLEMAN    &    CO., 

Corner  Market  and  Main  streets. 

SAN"  FRANCISCO. 


CALIFORNIA 

Safe  Deposit 

AND    

Trust  Company 

S26    MONTGOMERY    STREET, 

San  Franeisca,  Cal. 

DIRECTORS: 

;  J.  D.  FRY,  G.  L.  BRADLEY, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT,  NICHOLAS  LUNING, 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  H.  WOODS, 

LLOYD   TEY1S,  CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADSWORTII,  I.  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 


I.   ». 


FRY President 


C.  It.  THOMPSON-(late,  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 


WIH.  CUNNINGHAM... 


.  Treasurer 

......... .Secretary 


D'^ 


OSITS     IMHI-ill^    SUBJECT    TO    CHECK.       IX- 

wed  on  money  deposited  for  sixty  days  or  longer. 

mis  uompany  will  act  us  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
tarests  intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney",  and  make  eollectiens  and  remit- 
tances, purchirse--Drafts,-Hullioii,  Foreign  Money,- Exchange,- etc. 
Buy  and  sell  securities,  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Kent  of  safes  in  Safe  Deposit  vaults  from  82  to  §20  per  month, 
and  from  §12  tct&aeo  yer  year. 


Morris  &   Kennedy, 

19  and  Hi  Post  Street. 

Artists1  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  flSTThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
PaciBc  Coast.     Eastern  office,  SS  Wall  street,  New  York. 

BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board; 'per  week,  S4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  S3?  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS"    BOCA   BEER    Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment,     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  app  itite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  $&  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND    AT    LAST-AN    INFALIABLE    HAIR 
Restorer.     It  reproduces  a  growth  of  'Hair  to   Bald" 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.      Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.     I  warrant  this  Restorative 
.,  as  harmless.     ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  P.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECO  Si- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  etfectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  g&  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  NO  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
AST  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


GW.  CHESLEY,  51  FRONT  STREET,  SACRA- 
mento,  Cal.,  importer  and  wholesale  liquor  dealer, 
•   sole  agents  for  the  genuine   Rock   and  Rye,  Maple 
Rum  and  the  famous  Cundurango  Bitters. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  theTownClock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
*  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1S50  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  -for  reasonable 'prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  £^  Watch  repairing  a  specialty.- 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  -Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal, 

LK.  HAMMER,  S20  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal. ,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
'  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
&3T  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS; J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento.- 
Manufacturer  of   Carraiges    and    Carriage   Wheels^ 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     tf^*A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,1  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1S50.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  JJ3*  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  81  "to"  §2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street,' 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilm an,  proprietor.  flSTThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  ■  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  "—goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


ASK-  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co  proprietors. 


AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
^completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors.    ~  ■  -    ■ 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar   kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,  Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.     ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;   325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     tf^*  Send  for  price-list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  arid  Lodging,  $5  to  §6.  Per  day,  SI  to  §1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £S"  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 

FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  .cor.-  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  S3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  HI  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  waretooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc'  No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows*  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
"  law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ^"Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  S500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM.  STOCKTON.  &2T  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  cf  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  arid  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


CONSUMPTION 


I  have  a  positive  re- 
medy for  tlie  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Its  uho  thous- 
_  ands  of.  cases  of  the 
worst  kind  and  ©(longstanding  havu  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
Is  my  faith  In  Its  efficacy,  that  1  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  cm  this  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCUil,  181  Pearl  St.,  N.Y. 


Great  Pacilie  Coast  Spring  medicine. 

s&srTRY  PFUNDER'S 


AC    4-r\   QQA  per  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 


Vddress  Stinson  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
fit worth  §10  tree.  Address  E.G. 
KIDEOUT  &C0.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.Y- 


Liver  and  Kidney  Regulator. 


OREGON    BLOOD 


SPRING    1883. 

t  AsSpring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  hnwels  nf  the  earth,  so  does  Plunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  $1  a  bottle,  six 
for  So. 


In  countries  where  malaria  is  prevalent,  or  where  the 
climate  is  subject  to  sudden  changes— should  be  found  in 
every  house  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

*  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound  ranks  first 
as  a  curative  agent  in  all  complaints  peculiar  to  woman. 


Ask  for  "  Brook's  "  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace! 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton"  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

%*  "  Evil  dispositions  are  early  shown."  Evil  tenden- 
cies in  our  systems  are  to  be  watched  and  guarded  against. 
If  you  find  yourself  getting  bilious,  head  heavy,  mouth 
foul,  eves  yellow,  kidneys  disordered,  symptoms  of  piles 
tormenting  you,  take  at  once  a  few"  doses  of  Kidney- 
Wort.  It  is  nature's  great  assistant.  Use  it  as  an  ad- 
vance-guard—don't wait  to  get  down  sick.     Read  adv't. 


in  Diamond  Dyes  will  color  any  thing  any  color,  and 
never  fail.      The  easiest  and  best  way  to  economize.    10 

cents,  at  all  druggists. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  this  coun- 

■"  try  as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 

equalled   the   celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 

£  cure.    Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 

the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 

DDI    EC         THIS    distressing    ci 

ilhbOi  plaint  is  very   apt  to  be 

complicated  with. constipation.    Kidney- Wort 

strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 

cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 

and  medicines  have  before  failed. 

43-  GTIf  you  have  either-of  these  troubles 

PRICE  Si.  I  USE  I    Druggists  Sell 


KIDNEY- WORT  I 


3  O    DAYS'    TRIAL    FREE  ! 

We  send  free  on  30  days'  trial  I»r.  Dye's  Electro-Voltaic 
Belts  and  other  electric  appliances  to  Men  sntTering 
from  Nervous  Ochility,  Lost  Vitality  and  Kindred 
Troubles.     Also  for  ltheaiimalism.    Liver   and  Kidney 

Troubles,  and  many  other  diseases.      Speedy  cures  guaran- 
teed.    Illustrated  pamphlets  free.     Address 

VOLTAIC  BELT  CO.,  Marshall,  Mich. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  §5  outfit  free.     Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£*  O  Q  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 

\^)  /w<£)  Francisco—  Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  wIU 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  "Persons  at  a  distance  may  be  OTJRED  AT  HOME.  _  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 

pation,  $ick-headaehc  and  Biliousness  entirely  cured 

P  U  R  I      I  E  R  !   See  Local, 


THE     WASt 


11 


THE     BALLET    GIRL. 


With  complexion  like  the  roee 

'Mill  the  mows, 
Due  to  powder  on  her  nose, 

I  suppose. 
She  twirls  upon  her  tu.-> 
In  abreviated  clothes 
And  exhibits  spangled  hose 

To  the  beaux. 

When  cruel  time  bestowB 

Adipose, 
Fairy  parts  and  all  ..f  those 

She  outgrows, 
And  nmrmuringly  goes 
To  the  very  hindmost  rows, 
To  pirouette  and  pose 

With  the  "  (ti.m  b." 

When  life  frayed  and  faded  grows 

Like  her  bows, 
She  in  garrets  sits  and  bct  a 

Furbelows 
Till  her  weary  eyelids  close 
In  the  peace  of  death's  repose. 
Is  she  reaping  what  she  sows  '! 

Heaven  knows. 

I-  ■PI"' 


THE  BARBER  AND  THE  BUNKO  MAN. 


"  A  vool  has  got  nine  lifes  und  alvays  lants  on 
his  feet,"  said  the  barber  near  the  Cooper  Institute, 
and  then  he  made  change  for  a  man,  and  helped 
him  on  with  his  coat.  When  he  came  back  he 
added :  "  I  vas  dinking  of  Osgar  Vilde.  Der 
Lort  neffer  makes  a  vool  mitout  daking  care  of 
him,  choost  as  He  does  of  dem  little  sbarrows  vot 
gan't  vail  py  der  grount  mitout  He  found  it  owid. 
Id  vood  peen  bedder  for  der  goot  name  of  dis  gun- 
dry  if  der  Yankee  dhieves  got  avay  mit  der  money 
vich  dot  crackdonkey  dook  in  from  der  Yankee 
vools,  but  dot  could  not  pe,  for  Heffen  dakes  care 
of  dem  sellufs  don't  got  some  prains. 

"  Dot  vos  a  sensiple  dings  vot  der  Marquis  of 
Lome  und  his  vife  done,  alretty  ;  getting  brodec- 
tion  of  a  poddy  guard  of  soldiers  to  keep  dem 
bunko  men  avay.  Bedher  der  rest  der  Englishmen 
done  der  same  dings  yen  they  come  py  this  gun- 
dry." 

The  loquacious  barber  pronounced  bunko  "pung- 
go. "  He  took  advantage  of  the  fact  that  his  assis- 
tant was  shampooing  a  man  in  a  further  corner  of 
the  room  to  tell  this  story  : 

"  You  know  dot  monkey  parber  py  der  negst 
shair  always  tresses  so  vine  like  der  glerk  by  a 
hotel  ?  Veil,  he  always  done  dot,  efen  ven  he 
liffed  mit  his  farder  in  Bennsylvania.  Vonst  he 
came  py  Nye  Yorrick  on  a  leedle  sbree,  und  he  vos 
tressed  poodif  ul.  He  ditn't  know  somebings  apowd 
dem  bunko  vellers  any  more  as  you  somedings 
know  abowd  der  negst  Vort  of  Chuly.  He  vos 
going  down  der  Powery  ven  comes  up  a  man  und 
says  :     '  Hello,  Prown  1 ' 

"  'I  ton'd  vos  any  Prown,'  der  barber  says. 

"  'Vot,  ain'd  you  Pob  Prown  I  met  in  Hot 
Sbrings  ? ' 

"  'No,  I  vos  Martin  Arnemann,  of  Bottstown, 
Bennsylvania,'  der  parber  says. 

"  By  chimmaneddy,  in  dwo  minuits  comes  up  a 
veller  vich  says  : 

"  '  How  you  vos,  Arnemann  ;  und  your  sister 
Loweesa,  how  she  vos  ;  and  how  gits  along  der  olt 
man  ? '  und  he  dolt  dot  parber  more  apowd  Botts- 
down  as  de  parber  could  found  owid  in  sixty 
years. 

"  '  My  vrend,'  dot  parber  says,  'I  been  oxdreme- 
ly  bleased  to  see  you,  und  sinz  you  know  my 
vamily  more  better  as  I  minezelluf,  vill  you  blease 
lent  me  seffen  tollars  und  half,  for  I  haf  peen  on  a 
sbree  und  tond  got  a  cent  left  to  get  my  home  back 
again  already.5 

"  He  says  dot  bunko  veller  could  mit  a  feather 
himselluf  knock  down." — N.  T.  Svn. 


OLEOMARGARINE, 


"The  Wasp  of  San  Francisco  is  stinging  to 
death  the  "bull-butter"  manufacturers,  lashing 
without  mercy  the  gentlemen  at  the  head  of  the 
enterprise.  We  are  astonished  at  this  temerity. 
The  men  put  at  the  head  of  this  "bull-but- 
ter" enterprise  on  the  Pacific  coast  are  thor- 
oughly able  to  strike  back  boldly.     One  of  them 


intimated  thai   the  oppi  sitioD  of  the  Wasp  ■■ es 

of  their  not  advertising  in  its  columns  h  the 
oleomargarine  firm  had  been  a  transfer  company  it 

COUld  have  charged  that  the  lack  of   :i 

whal   vas  the  matter  with  the  Wasp,  or  if  it  had 

been  a  \  illainous  "  grub  '  machine  thai  n 

was  whai  would  stop  ill.-  stinger's  mouth.     Thai  is 

ll"'  l«ind  "i  u|,  m  answer  I..  .1. 

i   criticism.     That   is  the 
variety  "f  mud  with  n  hich  cul  i  to  lill 

the  pui-  paralyze  the  public  judgment  ; 

and  they  frequi  mil  bucci  ed,  foi  the  masses  are  too 
often  asses,  ami  do  their  thinking  by  proxy.  We 
are  expecting  ever)  daj  to  heai  thai  .i  dan 

has   I I.  threatened  against   the    Wasp,   or   thai 

BOme  singed  eat  lias  made  a  threat  of  »hal  lie  will 
<\". "     Banta  I '/  " .  n.  titin<  I. 

Our  contemporary's  words  were  almost  prophetic  ; 
even  while  he  was  penning  them,  tin-  bull-butter 
men  were  conspiring  against  life,  ami  on  Saturdaj 
last  sent  us  a  studiously  polite  note  inviting  us  to 
their  factory  to  examine  their  process  and  fas* 
their  oleomargarine  .'  It  is  needless  to  say  that  we 
prudently  declined.  We  did  not  suspect  that  the 
stuff  had  been  treated  with  arsenic  ;  we  feared  that 
it  had  not. 


THE    GIRLY    GIRL, 


The  girly  girl  is  the  truest  girl.  She  is  what  she 
seems,  and  not  a  sham  and  a  pretense.  The  slangy 
girl  has  a  hard  job  of  it  not  to  forget  her  character. 
The  boy  girl  and  the  rapid  girl  are  likewise  wearers 
of  masks.  The  girly  girl  never  bothers  about 
woman's  rights  and  woman's  wrongs.  She  is  a 
girl,  and  is  glad  of  it.  She  would  not  be  a  boy 
and  grow  up  into  a  man  and  vote  and  go  to  war 
and  puzzle  her  brain  about  stocks  for  a  kingdom. 
She  knows  nothing  about  business,  and  does  not 
want  to  know  anything  about  it.  Her  aim  is  to 
marry  some  good  fellow  and  m-ike  him  a  good  wife, 
and  she  generally  succeeds  in  doing  both,  for  that 
is  the  kind  of  rooster  that  goes  after  her.  She  de- 
lights in  dress  and  everything  that  is  pretty,  and  is 
not  ashamed  to  own  up  that  she  does.  She  is 
pleased  when  she  is  admired,  and  lets  you  see  that 
she  is.  She  is  feminine  from  the  top  of  her  head 
to  the  end  of  her  toes,  and  if  you  try  to  draw  her 
into  the  discussion  of  dry  themes  she  tells  you 
squarely  that  the  conversation  does  not  suit  her. 
She  is  the  personification  of  frankness.  There  is 
not  a  particle  of  humbug  in  her  composition.  Here 
is  health  to  the  girly  girl.  May  her  numbers  never 
grow  less. 


JOKES    FROM    THE    FRENCH, 


Methodical  man  going  through  the  formalities  of 
an  introduction — "  Let  me  present  you,  sir,  to  my 
wife  and  daughter.      The  elder  lady  is  my  wife  !  " 


On  the  eve  of  the  election  of  Clement  XIV.  to 
the  Papacy  he  was  waited  upon  by  four  Cardinals, 
who  urgently  insisted  that  it  was  absolutely  neces- 
sary that  he  should  be  elected  Pope. 

"  Brethren,-"  was  his  answer,  "  if  this  is  a  joke 
there  are  too  many  of  you,  but  if  it  is  in  earnest 
there  not  enough  of  you  !  " 

'"  You  infernal  scoundrel,  didn't  I  tell  you  to  call 
me  at  6  o'clock  so  that  I  could  catch  the  steamer  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir  ;  but  you  see,  sir,  you  were  sleeping  so 
nicely  I  didn't  have  the  heart  to  waken  you  !" 

Happy  thought : 

"  Confound  it,  barber,  I  say,  you've  cut  me  !" 

"  Cut  you  i"    (With  sad  surprise  and  affectionate 

reproach.)     "  Oh,  no  sir.    It  is  only  the  towel  that 

is  bleeding— that's  all,  sir  !" 


"  I  say,  father,"  observed  an  irreverent  passen- 
ger on  a  ferryboat  to  a  good  priest  whose  mule  was 
displaying  signs  of  uneasiness  as  the  bark  pushed 
off,  "  your  mule  seems  rather  uneasy." 

"  My  son,"  said  the  good  priest,  with  mild  re- 
proof, "some  of  these  days  when  you  find  yourself 
with  only  a  thin  plank  between  yourself  and  eter- 
nity, a  halter  round  your  neck  and  a  priest  patting 
you  on  the  shoulder,  you'll  be  a  great  sight  un- 
easier  n  this  ere  mule  !" 

"  Poor  fellow  1  he  died  in  poverty  !"  said  a  man 
of  a  person  lately  deceased.  "  That  isn't  any- 
thing," exclaimed  a  seedy  bystander.  "  Dying  in 
poverty  is  no  hardship.  It's  living  in  poverty  that 
puts  the  thumbscrews  on  a  fellow." 


That  is  what  a  great 
many    people-     are    doing. 

Ill  ■;,    don't  know  just  what 

is  the  matter,  but  they  have 

a  combination  of  pains  and 
"  hi  ,  and  each  month  they 
grow  worse. 

The  only  sure  remedy 
yet  found  is  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters,  and  this  by  rapid 
and  thorough  assimilation 
with  the  blood  purifies  and 
enriches  it,  and  rich,  strong 
blood  flowing  to  every  part 
of  the  system  repairs  the 
wasted  tissues,  drives  out 
disease  and  gives  health  and 
strength. 

This  is  why  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  will  cure 
kidney  and  liver  diseases, 
consumption,  rheumatism, 
neuralgia,  dyspepsia,  mala- 
ria, intermittent  fevers,  &c. 

Mr.  Simon  Elanchard,  a  well- 
known  citizen «f  Hayesville,  Meade 
county, Kentucky,  says  :  "My  wire 
had  been  sick  for  a  long  lime,  and 
her  constitution  was  all  broken 
down  and  she  was  unable  lo  work. 
She  was  advised  to  use  Brown's  Iron 
liiilL-rs,  and  found  it  to  work  like  a 
charm.  We  would  not  now  be  with- 
out it  for  any  consideration,  as  we 
consider  it  the  best  tonic  in  the 
world." 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  not  a  drink  and  does  not 
contain  whiskey.  It  is  the 
only  preparation  of  Iron 
that  causes  no  injurious  ef- 
fects. Get  the  genuine. 
Don't  be  imposed  on  with 
imitations. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 

■ — LIVER  — 

It  has  specific  action  on  thaa  moBt  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  tbe  healthy  secretion  of 
tbo  Bile,  and  by  keeping  tbe  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

nrjnj  nujn      Ifyouaresufferingfrom. 

IVlCllui  Ida  malaria,  have  the  chilla, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  ■will  Burely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
il-    SOLD  BY  DRUCCISTS.   Price 


KIDNEY- WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Ii  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
UI*T  M  INHOOD,  and  nil  thf  evU  effects  ol 
youthful  frillies  aud  chesses. 

IMC.  DINT/IE,  who  is  a  rceulsr  physician, 
Rnduate  of  the  University  of  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  rorreii  l-'Ue  liuodn-d  Dollars  for 
ae^eofthekind  the  VITAL  ltLSTURATIYB 
(unoer  his  special  ndviee  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  S'J  a,  bottle ;  four  times  tbo 
.-.ii.ituhv,  £10.  Sent  lo  auv  adJress,  cosfi- 
dkm-hlly.  by  A.  E,  MINTIE.  M.  D.,  No.  II 
Kcarnv  Street.  S.  F.    Send  Tor  pamphlet. 

BAJIPLB  BOTTLE  ETREE  will  be  sent  to 
anr  one  iiriplying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
sci  aud  ace.   Strict  secreej-  in  rll  transaction*. 


12 


THE     WASP. 


THE    CAPITAL   OF    THE   COMMONWEALTH.— III. 


Special  Correspondence  of  the  Wasp. 


Sacramento,  Jan.  SI,  1SS3. 
Since  my  last  letter  to  the  Wasp  I  received  a 
communication  from  my  cousin,  ex-Senator  Gil- 
hooly  of  Brannan  street,  which  fills  me  with  grave 
apprehensions  of  the  future  of  the  Democratic 
party.  The  Senator  informs  me  that  at  the  last 
meeting  of  his  club  resolutions  condemnatory  of 
the  growing  practice  <  f  excluding  citizens  of  Irish 
birth  and  parentage  from  public  office  were  unani- 
mously adopted.  For  years  I  have  labored  under 
the  fear  that  the  hot  blood  of  the  Celtic  race  would 
rise  against  the  tyrannous  oppression  of  caste  that 
has  kept  it  from  sharing  the  benefits  of  the  State 
treasury.  As  a  good  Democrat  the  thought  has 
been  to  me  a  torture,  and  I  find  my  fears  in  a  fair 
way  towards  realization  far  sooner  than  I  had  ex- 
pected. I  find  that  my  apprehensions  are  shared 
by  such  a  distinguished  authority  as  Mr.  Tralalaloo 


Of  the  Hangtown  Hammerer,  who  has  attended 
every  Democratic  Legislature  since  '49.  Mr.  Tra- 
lalaloo occupies  a  prominent  seat  in  the  Senate 
chamber.  Though  an  American,  his  heart  bleeds 
for  the  distressed  people  who  get  but  89  per  cent, 
of  the  offices,  and  the  columns  of  his  journal  are 
at  their  service.  He  is  depicted  in  the  act  of 
writing  a  scathing  editorial  for  the  Hammerer  on 
the  crime  of  denying  us  98  per  cent,  of  the  official 
representation.  His  thoughtful  air  is  caused  less 
by  the  importance  of  the  literary  task  than  the 
doubts  whether  the  advantage  of  editing  the  ad- 
vertisement of  McGulligan's  wood  and  coal  yard, 
and  the  editorial  would  not  be  offset  by  the  loss  of 
credit  at  Hans  Schnoffindoffer's  grocery.  In  sen- 
timent Mr.  Tralalaloo  agrees  with  the  resolutions 
of  the  Brannan  street  club,  which  are  but  the 
echoes  of  the  indignation  expressed  here  by  pat- 
riotic voters  who  have  seen  their  countrymen  ruth- 
lessly thrust  out  of  reach  of  the  public  sack  by 
representatives  of  the  Southern  Chivalry  and  whol- 
ly unworthy  Dutchmen.  It  makes  one's  heart 
bleed  to  think  of  the  atrocities  that  have  been 
perpetrated  against  the  Irish  in  the  name  of  Amer- 
ican politics  ;  to  remember  how  they  have  been 
banned,  ostracized  and  proscribed,  as  it  were  ;  how 
they  have  been  debarred  from  the  exercise  of  their 
electoral  rights  ;  excluded  from  ward  clubs  ;  brow- 


beaten at  primary  elections,  and  each  cruelly  limi- 
ted to  the  influence  of  his  single  vote  in  selecting 
representatives  in  the  government.  To  be  sure 
some  397  of  the  400  policemen  of  San  Francisco 
are  the  constituents  and  countrymen  of  my  cousin, 
the  Senator  ;  the  Tax  Collector  caught  eels  in  the 
same  bog-hole  with  him  in  his  youth  ;  the  Sheriff 
of  San  Francisco  came  from  the  same  parish  in 
Cork ;  the  StreDt  Superintendent  came  over  in  the 
same  steerage,  while  the  doctors  were  picking  the 
buckshot  out  of  my  uncle's  landlord.  There  is 
reason  to  believe  that  Judge  Toohey  is  an  Irish- 
man. Judge  Clough  would  hardly  pass  for  a  lost 
heir  of  the  Bonaparte,  and  the  portraits  of  Super- 
visor Griffin's  ancestors  were  not  amongst  the  de- 
molished treasures  of  the  Tuilleries..  I  admit  that 
you  cannot  swing  a  fishing  pole  anywhere  from 
North  Beach  to  Hunter's  Point  without  running 
the  risk  of  hooking  an  Irish  wharfinger ;  that  you 
cannot  throw  a  brick  out  of  any  window  from 
Lone  Mountain  to  the  Market  street  ferry  without 
addling  the  brain  of  some  Celtic  street-sweeper ; 
and  that  the  municipal  pay  roll  might  be  used  as 
the  delinquent  list  of  a  land  league  club.  But 
what  are  three  paltry  rewards  ?  Do  tliey  recom- 
pense the  faithful  devotion  of  our  race  ?  Do  they 
fully  represent  in  American  dollars  the  value  of 
our  disinterested  labors  to  the  party  of  reform  ? 
Let  the  resolutions  of  the  Brannan  street  club  and 
the  suppressed  indignation  at  the  Capital  answer. 
The  response  would  be  an  emphatic  "No"  that 
with  its  accompanying  expletive  of  "BeJabers" 
would  strike  dismay  to  the  triumphant  Chivalry 
and  cause  th«  Chief  Executive  to  reconsider  the 
dangerous  policy  of  darkening  the  portals  of  pub- 
lic offices  with  the  inscription  "  No  Irish  need 
apply."  I  am  aware  that  this  is  a  dolorous  subject 
to  write  about,  but  it  h  better  that  the  matter 
should  be  discussed  now  in  public  print  than  be 
left  to  feed  the  smoldering  fires  of  discontent  and 
supply  the  raging  flames  of  discord  next  year  when 
we  prepare  to  elect  a  Democratic  President.  •  The 
skeleton  must  be  dragged  from  the  closet,  and  here 
it  is  : 


This  is  the  incubus  that  crushes  the  patriotic 
spirit  of  our  people.  This  is  the  power  behind  the 
throne  that  is  supposed  to  raise  the  barriers  of  sec- 
tional jealousy  in  front  of  the  public  sack  and 
lower  them  only  when  touched  by  the  strains  of 
"Dixie"  or  "Die  wacht  am  Rhein."  The  prepon- 
derous  part  of  the  power  behind  the  throne  is  la- 
belled "Terry"  and  represents  the  rear  elevation 
of  the  great  Jurist  for  the  San  Joaquin.  The  tag 
on  his  coat  tails  is  added  for  the  purpose  of  identifi- 
cation, as  the  expression  of  his  back  may  not  be  fa- 
miliar to  the  public  in  general.  There  is  no  sinis- 
ter intimation  that  the  portion  of  the  eminent  jurist 
shown  so  prominently  is  the  most  attractive  of  him, 
or  that  he  is  a  member  of  the  National  Guard  and 
obeys  the  natural  impulse  to  turn  his  coat  tails 
for  hostile  criticism.  The  disposition  made  of  the 
celebrated  jurist  is  merely  on  an  artistic  conveni- 
ence. The  person  for  whom  he  serves  as  a  pedes- 
tal is  Senator  Langford,  who  is  popularly  supposed 


to  have  easier  access  to  the  Governor's  ear  than  is 
accorded  any  other  politician  in  the  State.  The 
critical  observer  will  not  fail  to  be  struck  by  the  ab- 
normal dimensions  of  Mr.  Langford's  head  and 
dwarfs  his  body  and  makes  small  by  comparison 
the  seat  designed  for  the  reception  of  the  guberna- 
torial frame.  This  enlargement  is  not  that  juve- 
nile disease  known  as  hydrocephalus  or  the  evil 
effects  of  a  picnic  in  the  poison  oaks  that  shelter 
the  beautiful  city  of  Stockton.  The  enlargement 
is  a  miraculous  one  that  began  immediately  after 
the  San  Jose  Convention  and  has  continued  at  an 
alarming  rate.  Since  the  commencement  of  the 
legislative  session  the  Senator's  head  has  swollen 
so  enormously  that  on  the  night  of  the  inaugural 
ball  there  was  talk  of  putting  a  candle  in  his  hat 
and  having  him  pose  as  the  dome  of  the  Capitol, 
thus  avoiding  the  expense  of  lighting  that  enor- 
mous bulge  on  the  roof  of  the  State  building  and 
carrying  out  the  Democratic  principle  of  economy. 
So  much  ditficulty  has  lately  been  experienced  by 
petitioners  for  the  Senator's  influence,  in  finding 
his  ear,  that  the  Surveyor  General  will  at  the  ear- 
liest opportunity  prepare  a  map  of  the  Senatorial 
protuberance  and  a  guide  book  for  the  enlightment 
of  those  who  can  do  their  own  reading.  The  Sena- 
tor has  not  been  seen  at  his  desk  for  a  week  and  it 
is  therefore  feared  that  the  swelling  has  reached 
such  proportions  that  the  entrance  to  the  Capitol 
will  have  to  be  widened  to  accommodate  the  unfor- 
tunate gentleman.  It  may  be  remarked,  however, 
that  his  affliction  attracts  comparatively  little  at- 
tention here,  as  enlarged  craniums  are  as  common 
as  genuine  bottles  in  the  Capitol.  It  remains  to 
be  seen  whether  this  publication  of  the  party  skele- 
ton in  the  Wasp  will  avert  the  impending  calamity 
and  be  the  means  of  according  some  consideration 
to  a  harrassed  and  neglected  race  which  can  pro- 
duce such  magnificent  specimens  of  statesmanship 
as    Senator   Sullivan   of    the  Thirteenth  District. 


/  '  i  v 


Mr.  Sullivan  is  depicted  in  the  act  of  offering  to 
the  Senate  a  bill  for  the  amelioration  of  his  dis- 
tressed race  entitled  "An  Act  to  make  the  degrees 
of  N.  B.  and  A.  O.  H. ,  synonymous,  and  to  com- 
pel colleges  and  educational  commissions  to  recog- 
nize the  same." 

Senator  Sullivan's  eyes  in  the  accompanying 
portrait  are  fixed  on  the  row  of  youth  and  female 
beauty  which  surrounds  the  Senate  every  fine  after- 
noon, and  contains  all  grades  of  feminine  physical 
and  moral  loveliness  from  that  of  the  faithful  and 
respected  mother  of  future  statesmen  to  the  un- 
fortunate seeker  of  a  committee  clerkship.  The 
latter  class  so  far  outnumbers  the  former  that  a 
week's  observation  of  the  female  audience  is  cal- 
culated to  give  the  superficial  observer  the  idea 
that  the  object  of  woman's  existance  is  to  petition 
for  clerkships  and  exhibit  the  quality  of  her  stock- 
ings. A  picture  of  the  clerical  wall  flowers  that 
fringe  the  Senate  would  in  the  luxuriousness  of  its 
display  make  a  fine  frontispiece  for  the  Police 
Gazette.  I  have  observed  that  this  system  of  silent 
electioneering  is  eminently  successful,  and  that  the 
most  pleasant  sinecures  fall  to  the  best  turned 
ankles  and  the  neatest  curveture  of  hose.  It 
wo».ld  be  in  the  interest  of  economy  to  devise  some 
less  romantic  method  of  apportioning  political 
favors  for  the  distracting  influence  of  clocked 
stockings  hampers  legislation,  and  will  eventually 
drag  our  party  into  the  slough  of  an  extra  session. 


THE     WASP. 


13 


I  am  informed  of  Senator  Kellogg,  who  is  par 
•  xeeUence  the  critic  of  clerical  ankles,  that  for  hours 
after  he  leaves  the  Senate  chamber  this  is  the  one 
vision  that  dances  before  his  delighted  eyes. 


"sZZm* 


TALK.     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


Pebcival  Gilhooly. 


A  lecturer  on  the  science  of  astronomy  said  in  a 
recent  lecture  in  New  York  that  it  would  take  a 
railroad  train  running  forty  miles  per  hour  without 
stops  about  2(>5  years  to  make  the  journey  from  the 
earth  to  the  sun,  and  at  one  cent  per  mile  the  fare 
would  be  over  *!UX),000.  That  seems  to  eternally 
bust  all  hopes  of  getting  to  the  sun  by  rail,  as  the 
time  consumed  in  getting  there  would  make  it 
necessary  for  a  person  to  start  very  early  in  life 
and  the  chances  are  he  would  be  old  and  rheu- 
matic before  he  got  there.  And  again,  the  fare 
is  pretty  steep,  and  we  doubt  if  there  is  a  person 
in  the  country  who  would  give  nine  hundred  thou- 
sand dollars  for  a  ticket  to  the  sun,  and  run  the 
chances  of  the  engine  getting  a  hot  box  and  hav- 
ing to  side-track  aDd  run  into  a  comet  for  repairs. 
Science  is  a  great  thing  perhaps,  but  it  wastes  its 
wind  when  it  talks  about  railroading  to  the  sun. 
— Perk's  Ski,. 


"How  many  times  have  you  been  married?" 
was  asked  of  a  colored  legislator. 

"  Wall,  boss,  I  ain't  much  on  figgers  an'  you'll 
sorter  hafter  help  me.  I  was  married  ebery  time 
I  changed  masters." 

"  How  often  did  you  change  masters  i " 

"  Dat's  what  I  don't  know;  boss,  and  that's 
whar  I  wants  yer  ter  do  a  little  figgerin1.  Now,  ef 
yer  can  tell  me  by  'dition  an'  'straction  how  many 
times  I  changed  ban's  afore  de  wah,  den  we  can 
get  at  de  correck  number  ob  wives  which  I  has 
been  in  possession  ob. " — Arkinsaw  Traveler. 


A  Virginia  preacher,  who  bought  his  butter  from 
his  brother  Paul,  sent  for  a  fresh  supply  for  his 
Sunday  dinner  and  was  in  the  midst  of  his  sermon 
when  his  negro  servant  returned  and  took  his  seat 
in  the  church.  The  preacher  had  eloquently  re- 
lated what  Matthew,  Mark,  Luke  and  John  had 
said  in  relation  to  the  subject  matter  of  his  text, 
and  he  then  said,  in  thundering  tones:  "  And 
what  does  Paul  say  f"  The  negro,  thinking  the 
question  addressed  to  him  replied,  in  the  hearing 
of  the  whole  congregation  :  '^Marse  Paul  says  as 
how  you  can't  »et  any  more  butter  till  you've  paid 
for  dat  you  got  last  week." 


After  the  Revolution  of  1848  an  amiable  Social- 
ist took  refuge  in  Geneva,  where  he  began  the  pub- 
lication of  a  weekly  paper  devoted  to  promulgating 
the  great  idea  of  the  equal  division  of  all  prop- 
erty. 

In  Hue  course  a  relative  of  the  reformer  died  and 
left  him  a  legacy  of  15,000  francs. 

The  paper  appeared  as  usual  next  week,  but 
there  had  in  the  meanwhile  been  a  slight  modifica- 
tion of  the  proprietor's  programme. 

"All  property  should  be  equally  divided,"  he 
wrote,  "share  and  share  alike  when  its  value  ex- 
ceeds 15,000  francs  !" 

Alphonse  Daudet's  new  French  novel  is  said  to 
"  treat  of  a  subject  never  yet  handled  by  a  French 
novelist."     We  suspect  it  treats  of  morality. 

Everything  is  ready  for  the  coronation  of  the 
Czar,  but  he  continues  to  send  his  regrets. 


The  Beemingly  justified  assumption  that  the  public 
now-a-days  desire  the  excitement  of  the  melo-drama  in 
prefer*  nee  to  thi  6m  r  i  motii  us  ol  high  i  omedy  or  legiti- 
mate drama  i  on  Bnd  no  stronger  refutation  than  the  suc- 
cess of  Esmeralda  at  the  Baldwin  Theater.  The  eimplic- 
ity  "f  the  story  "f  that  play  seems  quite  tame  I"  - ■:■■■ 
of  the  recenl  blood  and  thunder,  marrow-freezing  plays, 
which  evidently  wen-  supported  by  our  public  simply  be- 
cause of  the  absi  nee  of  comparison.  It  may  he  all  very 
well  to  cater  to  the  natural  desire  for  exciting  Bight-seeing 
and  stirring  climax  of  criminal  complications,  but  it  cer- 
tainly dees  not  satisfy  any  intellectual  craving,  neither 
does  it  stimulate  the  gentle  By  input  hies  for  human  weak- 
nesses. Etmeralda  has  proven  itself  to  be  as  i  otent  an  at- 
traction as  tliL'  most  violently  exciting  plays,  "i"  the  most 
gorgeous  spectacles,  that  preceded  it.  Much  uf  that  is 
tlue  to  the  extremely  careful  mounting  of  the  play  and  to 
the  superior  quality  of  the  representation  of  its  charact- 
ers; the  acting  is  so  uniformly  good  that  the  strength  of 
any  individual  performance  melts  imperceptibly  into  the 
excellence  of  the  whole.  One  of  th*>  features  of  the  per- 
formance  is  that  of  a  change  >■(  stei.e,  which  occupies 
something  like  40  seconds,  which  time  suffices  to  trans- 
form the  interior  of  an  humble  house  in  North  Carolina 
into  the  most  bewildering  arrangement  of  a  Parisian  art- 
studio,  crowded  with  a  complete  bazaar  of  picturesque 
bric-a-brac.  The  Madison -Square  management  are  de- 
serving of  their  success,  if  for  no  other  reason  than  that  of 
aiming  at  a  refinement  of  taste  and  for  their  honest  en- 
deavor to  satisfy  every  promise  made  to  the  public.  The 
music,  which  is  intended  to  bridge  over  the  tediousness  of 
long  waits  and  entre-acts,  is  so  rarely  of  an  acceptable 
quality  that  the  theater  orchestra  at  the  Baldwin  deserve 
special  commendation  for  the  excellence  of  their  perform- 
ance. 

"  The  laugh  of  yonder  days  is  yet  a  smile."  How  glad 
we  are  to  meet  with  those  who  return  to  us  after  a  time 
of  absence  if  their  acquaintance  has  been  a  pleasure.  Not 
that  we  have  missed  then.,  for  no  one  is  missed  very  long 
in  this  world  and  nothing  is  easier  to  fill  than  vacancies, 
but  that  the  recollection  of  past  pleasure  strenthens  the 
pleasure  of  anticipation — and  so  some  of  the  late  acces- 
sions to  the  Minsti  els  have  pleasantly  renewed  their  ac- 
quaintance with  our  people,  and  there  has  rarely  been 
such  a  home-like  "entre-nous"  feeling  in  that  cosy  lit- 
tle place  as  now.  Emerson  and  Keed  are  as  funny  as 
ever,  the  Quartette  sing  as  sweetly  as  before,  but  "  Sena- 
tor Doolittle  "  and  the  "Wood  Sawyer"  and  the  "Anti- 
Fat  Twins  "  had  the  laugh  on  them.  It  need  scarcely  be 
added  that  their  theater  is  packed  every  evening. 

At  the  California  Theater  Mme.  Ellmenrei'ch,  the  emi- 
nent German  actress,  is  to  appear  next  Monday  for  the 
first  time  in  English  drama  ;  those  who  have  rehearsed 
with  her  predict  a  great  success  ;  at  all  events  it  will  be 
more  interesting  than  Around  Ike  World  in  Eighty  Days 
at  SI.  50  per  seat.  It  seems  a  short  sighted  policy  to  play 
in  a  house  but  half  filled  with  spectators  when  a  judicious 
reduction  might  fill  it.  But  it  is  an  open  question  whether 
that  performance  would  he  particularly  satisfactory  at 
any  price  ;  so  it  does  not  matter  now. 

rop  still  fills  the  Standard  brimful  of  fun,  but  will  soon 
give  way  to  Miss  Minnie  Palmer  in  a  new  play  ei. titled 
My  Sweetheart. 

Travinia  at  the  Tivoli  is  doing  a  good  business  and 
Iolanthc  at  the  Winter  Garden  proves  attractive. 


A  gentleman  at  the  theater  sits  behind  a  lady  who  wears 
a  very  large  hat.  "  Excuse  me,  madam  :  but  unless  you 
remove  your  hat  I  can  see  absolutely  nothing."  Lady  ig- 
nores him.  "Exeuseme,  madam,  but  unless  you  remove 
your  hat  something  unpleasant  will  happen."  Lady  ig- 
nores him  again.  Gentleman  puts  on  his  own  hat.  Loud 
cries  from  the  audience:  "  Take  off  that  hat  !  take  off 
that  hat  !  "  Lady  thinks  they  mean  her  hat,  and  re- 
moves it.     "  Thank  you,  madam." 


A  foolish  showman  once  advertised  for  the  following 
curiosities.  A  printer  who  carried  tobacco,  a  negro  min- 
strel who  did  not  wear  a  plug  hat,  a  woman  who  did  not 
wash  her  face  with  a  rag,  an  editor  who  had  $10  in  his 
pocket,  a  dog  whose  hind  legs  were  plumb  with  his  front 
legs,  a  business  manager  who  does  not  consider  the  editors 
robbers,  and  a  pair  of  shoes  that  were  too  small  for  the 
lady  who  wore  them.  The  foolish  showman  died  a  death 
of  bitter  disappointment. 


TO    CONTRIBUTOR     AND     CORRESPONDENTS. 

Squib.  -Thank  you ;  wi  are  unable  to  use  th< 
however. 

Ci  I  mi  Mr,  i.     Accepted,     w  e  had  lost  track  •  ■!"  you. 

J.   1*.     No.     He  cares  nothing  about  either  race  or  any 

religion.     His  onlj  fellows  aa  you 

to  talking  and  writing  about  him.  Personally  he  is  a 

very  g I  fellow  . 

<  Iliver,  Sacramento.     STouan  pour  base.    The 

gentleman  you  mention  i-  not    our  correspondent. 
Not  that  it  \b  any  of  your  business,  though. 


MUSIC  BOXES,  KINK  CLOCKS,  WATCHES 

and  Jewelry  and  Fans  repaired.  S,  ■'.  Pembroke,  212 
i 'Tamil  street,  above  Powell,  San  Francisco.  Orders 
from  the  country  prompt  I  j  attended  to. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
lias  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  i  ieary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  tin's  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.}  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

Persons  recovering  from  wasting  diseases,  such  as  ma- 
laria, fevers,  etc.,  will  be  greatly  benefitted  by  the  use  of 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  a  true  tonic. 


DENTISTRY. 

C.  ().  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  120  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


LYDIA  E,   PINKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

A  Sure  Cure   for    all    FEMALE   WEAK- 
NESSES,   Including  Lcucorrbtrn,    3  r- 
rcfrulur  anil  Painful  Menstruation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb,    Flooding,  PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  &c. 
tSTPleasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  Immediate 
In  its  effect.    It  is  a  great  help  in  pregnancy,  and  re- 
lieves pain  during  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
ritYSICUNSTJSElT  AND  PRESCRIBE  IT  FREELY. 
'J3TFor  all  Weaknesses  of  the  generative  organs 
of  either  sex,  it  is  second  lono  remedy  that  hay  eve  i 
been  beforo  the  public;  and  for  nil   diseases  of  the 
Kidneys  it  is  tho  Greatest  Remedy  in  the  World, 
C^~KinXEY  rO.HPUArSTS  of  Either  Sere 
Find  Creat  Relief  io  Its  Use. 

ltdia  e.  prrnaiAM's  blood*  prnrFtEu 

■will  eradicate  cvi-ry  vestige  of  Humors  Irani  lho 
Blood,  at  the  same  time  will  give  lone  and  strength  t  j 
the  system.    As  marvellous  i  n  results  as  the  Cuniuoui-d. 

tjTBoth  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  pre- 
pared at  23a  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn.  Hers, 
Price  of  either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $5-  TheCompounl 
is  sent  by  mail  in  tho  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  $1  per  box  for  either,  Mrs.  Pinkhara 
freely  answers  nU  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclcsc3cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  this  Paper. 

(3TLYTHAE.  PnoaiAM's  I  rvm  Pn.i-9  cure  Onst'pa- 
tion.  Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  thi_-  Liv-r.    Lj  cuitls. 
i  .,  Sold  by  all  Druggists.*^        (S) 


14 


THE     WASP. 


"  ANOTHER  TYRANT  FALLEN. 


The  journal  from  which  the  following  is  quoted 
is  not  published  secretly  in  St.  Petersburg  but 
openly  in  Boston.  It  is  called  Liberty  but  perhaps 
License  would  be  the  better  name  : 

"  Not  this  time  a  Czar  of  Russia  by  the  hand  of 
a  Sophie  Perovskaya,  but  Leon  Gambetta  by  the 
hand  of  Madame  Leonie  Leon  ;  not  a  frank,  out- 
spoken, unmistakable  tyrant  by  the  hand  of  a 
woman  representing  the  people  he  had  oppressed, 
but  a  cunning,  two-faced,  plausible  tyrant  by  the 
hand  of  a  womam  representing  in  her  own  betrayal 
the  people  he  had  betrayed.  It  is  a  flitting  ending 
to  the  life  of  one  of  the  most  dangerous  characters 
of  Europe,  over  whose  disappearance  Liberty,  not 
in  a  spirit  of  triumphant  revenge,  but  simply  voic- 
ing a  sincere  desire  for  the  public  welfare,  can  only 
rejoice.  And  yet  journals  and  public  men  the 
world  over — professed  raidicals  among  the  rest — 
vie  with  each  other  in  doing  homage  to  the  mem- 
ory of  this  self-seeking  political  adventurer  !  " 


A  man  in  Boise  city  proposes  that  if  he  is  given 
the  exclusive  right  to  sell  spirituous  liquors  in  that 
town  he  will  agree  to  pay  the  indebtedness  of  the 
city  and  school  district,  and  forever  keep  up  a  first- 
class  public  school  sufficient  to  educate  all  the 
children,  pay  a  good  liberal  salary  to  every  preacher 
for  every  church  in  the  city,  and  build  a  new  church 
every  five  years. 


This  account  of  a  most  extraordinary  occurrence 
is  from  the  Oroville  Evening  News  : 

A  fight  occurred  between  two  negroes  on  Mont- 
gomery street,  just  below  the  mill,  which  J.  R. 
Peterson  was  riding.  Mr.  Peterson  was  thrown  off 
the  horse  head-foremost,  knocking  him  senseless 
and  bruising  him  up  a  good  deal.  One  of  the  ne- 
groes was  cut. 


Parliament  is  always  the  pow-wow  behind  the 
throne,  says  the  New  Orleans  Picayune. 


She  once  was  mine, 

But  now,  oh  Lord, 
I  her  to  thee  resign, 

And  remain, 
Your  obedient  humble  servant, 

Robert  Kemp. 


"  General,"  said  a  United  States  Senator  to  a  dis- 
tinguished official  in  Washington,  "  why  do  you  take  two 
drinks  before  breakfast  ?  Wouldn't  one  tone  you  up 
enough  ?  "  To  which  the  General  replied,  "Senator,  the 
reason  is  this  :  when  I  take  one  drink  it  always  makes 
me  feel  like  another  man,  and  then,  you  see,  I  am  bound 
by  common  courtesy  to  treat  that  man,  and  so  I  take  a 
second." 


"  Did  yer  ever  know  how  I  kem  pooty  nigh  havin'  a 
narrer  escape  ?  "  asked  Czardine.  ct  No,"  was  our  reply 
"  Yes,  I  did.  Yer  see  when  I  was  a  young  man,  I  want- 
ed to  marry  Miss  Clute,  she  as  married  Joe  Stebbins.  I 
axed  her  if  she'd  be  a  Czardine,  and  she  sez  no.  Last 
week  her  husband  broke  through  the  ice,  and  come  mighty 
nigh  bein'  drowned.  If  she'd  said  yes,  d'ye  see  what  a 
narrer  escape  I'd  had  ?  "  and  the  old  man  picked  up  his 
pile  of  old  papers  and  scuffled  down  stairs. 


85T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex 
haustioii,  Weakness,  Loss  o(  Manhood  and 
all  [lie  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  a,  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  On  C.   D.   SALFIELD. 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FKEE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and    age.      Communications  strictly 


H.  R.  MACrWKLA.NK. 


Geo.  W.  Macfarlane. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants 


FEKE-PROOF    i:ill[>l\<.. 53    <(|  ■:■;%     STKEET, 

Honolulu.  Hawaiian  Islands. 


CONSUMPTION        CURED ! 

A   Good    Family    Remedy, 

STRICTLY       PURE, 

liar  in  less    to    the    most    delicate  ! 

By  its  faithful  use  CONSUMPTION  has  been  CURED 

when  other  Remedies  and  Physicians  have  failed 

to  effect  a  cure- 

Jeremiah  Wright,  of  Marion  County,  W.  Va.,  writes 
us  that  his  wife  had  Pulmonary  Consumption,  and  was 
pronounced  incurable  by  their  physician,  when  the  use 
of  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  entirely  cured  her.  He  writes 
that  he  and  his  neighbors  think  it  the  best  medicine  in  the 
world. 

Wsi.  C.  Diggins,  Merchant  of  Bowling  Green,  Va., 
writes  April  4,  1881,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  lias  cured  his  mother  of  consumption,  after 
the  phys:cians  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He  says 
others  knowing  her  case  have  taken  the  Balsam  and  been 
cured  ;  he  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a  trial. 

Dr.  Meredith,  Dentist,  of  Cincinnati,  was  thought  to 
be  in  the  last  Stages  of  Consumption  and  was  induced 
by  his  friends  to  try  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  after  the  form- 
ula was  shown  him.  We  have  his  letter  that  it  at  once 
cured  his  cough  and  that  he  was  able  to  resume  his  prac- 
tice. 

Wm.  A.  Graham  &  Co.,  Wholesale  Druggists,  Zanes- 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  of  Mathias  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bronchitis 
in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung  Balsam 
cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others,  of  Bronchitis. 

It  is  harmless  to  the  most  delicate  child  ! 

It  contains  no  Opium   in  any  form  ! 
Recommended   by  Physicians,  Ministers   and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has   given  it  a  good  trial.     IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun  the  use  of  all 
remedies  without  merit  and  an  established  reputation. 
As  an  Expectorant  it  has  no  Equal  ! 

Sold    >>,\    all   Medicine  Dealers. 


Recommended  bythe  Faculty 
TAR  RANT  '  S 

COMPOUND  EXTRCTS 

—   OF  — 

Cubebs    and    Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  cot  venient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street. 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


I  CURE  FITS 

the  disease  of  FITS,   EPILEPSY  o 

study.    I  warrant  my  remedy  locun 

imvt)  fulled  is  no  reason  r«r  not  ijoi 

(bra  treatise  Mid  ;i  l-'reo  Bottle  of  in,  ... 

and  Post  Office.    It  costs  you  nothing  for  a  trim,  „„. 

Address  Dr.  H.  G.  ROOT,  163  Pearl  Street,  New  York 


When  I  say  cure,  I  do  not  mean 

merely  to  stop  them  for  atlracaud 
then  have  them  return  again,  I 
mean  a  radical  cure  I  have  maili- 
■  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  life-long 
iho  worst  cases.  Because  others 
receiving  a  euro.  Send  at  once 
fallible  remedy.  Give  Express 
---dl  will  cure  you. 


RICHARDT— BUSH 

ART_riALE; 

On  Thursday  next,  at  12  noon  and 
7  30  P.  M  ,  we  will  sell  by  auction  at 
the  art  galleries  of  the  San  Fianci-co 
An.  Association,  -130  1  ine  street,  a 
collection  of  paintings  by  the  above 
named  artists,  comprising  European, 
Cei.tral  and  South  Am-jiican,  En-tern 
and  California  scenery. 

The  Pictures  are  now  on  view  day 
and  evening  at  the  gallery,  430  Pine 
street,  where  catalogues  may  be  had. 
EASTON   &  ELDRIDGE, 
Auctioneers. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUSTAVE  FKOHMAN 


UNABATED    SUCCESS! 
Crowded    houses   continue    to   greet 

ESMEEALDA 

AND    THE 

MADISON  SQUARE  THEATER  HOME 

COMPANY. 


Now  approaching  the  Four  Hundredth  Performance. 

In  active  preparation— YOUNG  MISS  WIN- 
THROP.  Now  being  presented  at  the  Madison 
Square  Theater,  New  York. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
K  r. i- 1. 1  n i i  Bros Proprietors  and  Manager* 


Last  nights  of  Verdi's  Grand  Opera 

LA        TRAVIATA 


Monday,  Feb.  5th — Offenbach's  charming  Comic 
Opera,  in  four  acts,  THE  BRIDGE  OP  SIGHS. 
First  time  in  America. 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,   -      -    -    FEBRUARY.  4th, 

Benefit  of    ItDIMIOI  1>    KO.IOCK 

Ami  appearance  of  OTTILIE    (JENEE  in  the  original  cmuical 

part  of  Auguste  Sttrzbaciier  in  L'Arronge's  celebrated 

latest  Comedy,  in  three  acts, 

W  I  T  II  O  I    T        (   (I  \  I    I  II  M 


Sunday  Februarv  11th— First  appearance  of   the  cele- 
brated Comedian   ADOLF    LINK. 


MASQUERADE      BALL! 

OF  THE 

VEREIN   EINTRAOHT 


Saturday  Evening,  Feb'y  10th 

AT   THE 

MECHANICS'  PAVILION. 


$72 


A  WEEK.     S12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.    Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


I  1  1M»K    TICKETS  <n>r  Maskers  only), 
SPECTATOKS,     ---.-- 


-        #1 
50    Cents 


A  false  face  alone  will  not  be  recognized  as  Mask. 

All  Maskers  must  be  in  Costume  or  Domino. 

Cars  will  run  ALL  NIGHT. 

Doors  open  at  7  o'clock,  P.  M. 

Concert  at  S  o'clock,  P.  M, 

Grand  March  at  8-?,-  o'clock,  precisely. 

THE    COMMITTEE. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steamer  of  this  Company  win  Ban  from  Broadway 
Wharf,  San  Francisco,  for  j>orts  hi  California,  Ore- 
gon, Washington   ancl    Idaho  Territories,  liritish 

Columbia  and  Alaska,  oa  fellow's  : 

California  Southern  Count  Route-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  sail  every  five  days  at  i»  a.  if.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angeles  and  San  Diego,  as  follows  : 
ORIZABA,  10th,  20th  nnd  30th  of  each  month.  ANl'oN,  ;.th,  if.th 
and  2ftth  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  ANCKLKS  sails  every 
Wednesday  at  S  a.  II.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey,  Son  Simeon,  Cay- 
ucos,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

Kr.iUii  Colombia  ami  Alaska  Koutc.  —  Steamship 
EUREKA,  carrying  U.  S.  .Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  \V.  T.,  Vic- 
toria,  and  Nanaimo,  B.  c.,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  Harrisbure;; 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  ami  Pujit't  Souml  Koiit*'.— The  SteainersCEti.  W. 
EIDER  .ind  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  BrittanieMajesty'saiid  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broad wav  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  2  p.  M. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilaeoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc. ,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
P.  u.  on  the  9th,  19th  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  a.  If.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
ISfole.-AVhcn  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
eails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alt  a  or  Guidb. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Koute.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamship*  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Express,  every  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  a.  m.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Enreka  anil  Humboldt  Bay  Koute.— Stfamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  A.  m. 

Point  Arena  anil  Mendocino  It  on  te.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  -  -  .  -  .  1856 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

<.u:ii:inl<  id  for  Tell  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OP    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    gOAST. 

9  45     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 

Prices  30  per  cent.  Lower  llian  any  other  House  on 

the    Const. 

IS-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  -ffil 

BILLIAEDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making;  a  noi.se  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

.MHl>  CREAU  A  ft,  Continental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  bv  H,  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
$1  perdoz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers. 

RUPTURE 

Kelieved  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  inflict,  by 
Dr.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  bad  capes  befcre  and 
after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


8:30 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland.     I  In  in  I'd  ji,     %t- vturk,    San     .lose,    Los    (dittos, 
Glenwood,  leliou  am!  Snulu  Gnu. 

PICTURESQUE  BCENERY,  MOUNTA1M  views.  BIG  TEBESj 

■*-  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Monterey  Bay.  Forty  milt-n  slmrlfr  tu 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  anv  other  route.  No  change  of  cars ;  DO  dust 
Equipment  and  road  bed  first-class.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leavs 
station,  foot  of  Market  street.  BOOTH  BOB,  at 

A.  M.,  daily,  West  San  Lorenzo,  West  San  Lcandro,  Rus- 
alls,  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Mulls,  Newark,  OnUrvHle, 
Howrys,  AIviBO,  Afrnewa,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Lob  Oatoa, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Ok-nw  nod,  Oun^hcrtvs,  Felton,  Big  Trees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  M. 

2,Qfl   '"   "  ■  "'il,v  K\pr..-s ;  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Newark,  Cen- 
■  OU  tervUle,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara",  SAN  JOSE  and  Lou 
Gains.     Through  to  SAM  A  «  It!  /,  every  Saturday. 

4»Qfl  ''■  *'-  (Sundays  excepted),  f"r  SAN  JOSE  and  Intermedi- 
.013  at.  stations. 

nil    Sundays,  Sportsmcn'H  Train.  4:110  A.  M.     Return  train 

Ull  leaves  Sun  Jn.se  at  5:1.'.  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:85. 
tfJC  EXCURSIONS  TU  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  &2.50  TO  SAN 
WU  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

TO     OAKLAND     AM>     tinilin. 

§6:30— 7:30— S:30-9:30— 10:80—  11:30  A.M.  tl2:S0— 1:30—  2:30— 
3:30— 4:30— 5:30— 0:80— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  nn<l  AVelister  streets.  Oakland— §5:f>7 
—§6:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52— 10:52— "111:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  H. 

From  High  street,  Alaiiierta-§f.:45-§6:45-7:45-8:35-9:36 
—10:35—1111:35  A.  M.  12:35—1:35—2:85—3:35—4:35—5:35—0:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

gDaily,  Sundays  excepted.     If  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  oltices  •»'»■£  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,  Oakland  ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets.  $450,000 

German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -         "  350,000 

Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,    -    "  435,000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  f\ 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &.  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

So.  213   SANSOME   STREET,  SAN   FRANCISCO,   0AL. 

14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Klmwond,    ttlenwood,    Hudson   and   Onr  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENW00D, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


,  AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT. 
Theae  KEYS  are  sold 
by  Ill~WAT0H MAKERS  and  JEWELERS  on  the  PA0IFI0 
OOAST.     By  Mail,  25  Cents. 

BIROH  &  CO.  36  Dey  Btreet,  New  York. 


SfpiRST    NIGHT    OUT."    New  comic  set  of  cards  and  price-list 
T     mailed  on  receipt  of  10c.     WIIITI.VG,  50  Nassau  Street, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

A.NH  

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE    AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OF  RTVEH 
and  Rail  TruiiH)»ortat.i«>ii  penetrate  all  sect sol  tin   Pa 

Northwest,  and  form  direct  routes  -    i 

Up  tin-  Columbia-  To  the  Dalles,  Umatilla,  Pendleton, Walla 
Walla,  Dayton,  the  Palouse  Country,  Bnake  Rivet  r<>inte,^and 
Lewiston  ; 


Spratflle,  Spokane    Fulls,    Uike    I 'end    il'i  Ircillc.  and    all    i«-ints  hi 

Nortiii  in  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

In  the  Willamette  Valley  T.»  Oregon  City,  Xidcm,  and 
the  Beautiful  country  ofSouthern  Oregon  : 

iimui  tin*  Colombia  Through  the  mosl  picturesque  scene- 
rj  to  Astoria  and  [ntermedlateJPoInta 

Over  to  riiKfi  Bound    ToTfcu ia,  Olympia,  Seattle,  Port 

Townsend,  Victoria  and  Bellngham  Boy— a  section  unrivaled  for 
Its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prospects. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

Dully  Stage*  connect  with  trains  on  Clark-   Fork  Division, 
direct  for  .MInmhiIu  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN        MUIR, 
Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
Sun  Francbeo  office    :\  i  limit  gome  ry  St. 


i863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

130  Montgomery  St..  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defeotive   vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free  of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^•AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE.^S 


Deutsche    Apotliekc. 


MALDONADO    PHARMACY, 

36  Geary  Street, 
EDWARD   NEUMANN, 

PH  ABM  A  CIST  and  CHEMIST. 


Fannacfe    italiana. 


CARD  COLLECTORS.      A   handsome  set  of  cards  for    3-cent 
stamp-      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y. 


Merchant    Tailors. 


cfwTfakjfi 


"0 

> 


o 


-I 

X 

m 

O 

> 


y  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES  "-RocTGdAaRngTpTTled- 


Pure,  Mild, 
'Fragrant  and  Sweet.' 


._  ALLEN  &  GINTER, 

tliinuftirlurrr*.     Klrhmnnil,      V«. 


ICOX.L 


POPULAR     PRiCES! 

LARGE    STOCK! 
CHOICE  WOOLEN 


H  £  f|  AILOH 


POPULAR    TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys' 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


IV.  en's    Furnishing     Coods. 


Ready-Made  Chthing.  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

Sanq.l.s  with  Instructions^  j?c_lMIe,,surcnient  Sent  Free.  816  &   8 1  S  Market  Street,  Sail  FraudsCO. 


NEW 

EN8LAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Caii  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros.  1  Co. 

SAN   FRANCISCO 


AN 
xtraordinary 


Razor 


'AS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
-  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
JRE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
des  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
aving  quite  a  luxury.  It  ia  CREATING  A 
IEAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
perts,  who  pronounee  it  PERFECTION, 
fo  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory, 
ery  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
terse  side  the  name  of  \  ill!  i.\  JOSEPH, 
1  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
eUnitedStates  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
ppiied  ;  sent  by  mail  lOe.  extra  or  C.  O.  D. 
Tbe  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
'ged  their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
ORYCARVING  KNIVES, TABLE  and  POCKET 
SIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
e  same  quality  as  their  inarvelously  wonderful 
\ZOR, 

DANICHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  -1- 

LWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  1 19  Dupont  Street, 

it.  Geary  and  Post San  Francigco 


3ARLB3  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS    &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 

BOOK    AND   JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street, 

:low  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


SIBEEIA1T    ZB^LS^ZMI 

CURES  Catarrh,  Astnma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Afl'ec- 
tions  of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Orgins  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause 

IHSPBT.     415    MONTGOMERY    STREET.  lor  sale  by  all  Druggists. 


B. 


£3"  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER. 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 

WILLOWS    BREWERY 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY     4     YUNG, 
No.    CM    S.W'BAML.VTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLK    AuKNTS    FOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    tiny    street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 

PianoS 

Chlckerlng&BonB.EcjHtDn;  Bluthrer.T-eipzle; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  Q.  ScuwecLten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT, 
B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrcll  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  SaN  FRANCISCO. 
J.  J.  Palmer.  Valentine  Rbt 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  ori»rlnllnsandLlth«Kr:»pli*iiK 

:p:r:kjssd±!s 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Rabeock,  Peerless  and 
J  Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;    also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wardrooms. 40.)i407SansonieSt.s  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing-  presses, 


II.  IE.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


Prentiss  Selby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  TjNDERniLL,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 


Selfov    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS,   of   

Lead  Pipe,  S  icct  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pis  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-Frlctlon  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery    Street,       -      -      -      -      san    Francisco 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Ears  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK    YOUR 

WHITB 


GROCER    FOR    THE 

ROSE    FLOUE 

MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


32TSCC  local  notice  in  another  column. 


83-0  T  ^P       KENTUCKY       •WTIISSTvl^Y.-sai 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

SUCCESSORS     TO 

Craig    and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 
The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State, 
ders  promptly  attended  to. 


DR  .THOMAS  HALL'S 

mm 


Hsg-QIIVIMOIVD'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World.      ^sg^7/  |£| 

-a.sk  your 
Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


es-DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO.  ■«» 


ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal ;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  General  Lfcoility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  nnst  beueBcial  in  its  results;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medictjl  qualities  excels  anv 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

jJSTFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


DRINK  FALK'S   MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


o 

o 


o 
W 

o 

W 
w 


ks-HARDWOOD   LUMBER. 


John    Wigmore, 

129    to    147     SPLAB     STE1.KT,    SAN     FIEAN'CISl'O. 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  Goods  Housa-132  Kearny  St..8nttl 


Ask 


KOniEK  A  CHASE,  13?  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bros  Piaaos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  (lie  EMKItsOV  Pianos. 
Cash  or  installments.      Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  PL  Williae,  Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

San    Franciscc 

H.    HOESCH, 

Restauran  t, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  lip        -      -        $3,000,000 
Reserve  U.  S.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  hap  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


Fevers. 


Throat,  Lungs, 

Catarrh, 

For    Coughs,  Colds, 

Whcopirg  Coughs  and 

I  wall    Throat    affections 

Address:  ^SpF  ll  has  n0  e1uaL 

VALENTINE    n  ISSUER,    933  Washington  SI:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers     and      Importers     of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   S'ONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,   Fans,   Etc., 

11$    SETTER    STREET, San  Frnnciseo,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,     -conces,    Candlesticks*    and 

Bouillotcts. 

RARE     BRONZES,     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WABE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

Tie  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 

OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansonie  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Oapt.  A.  M.  PnrnB,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ~°sm2&^   MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres.;  Ed.  E  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


"A  THIMQ  OF  BEJUJTY  A  JI©¥  F©RE¥EIL>W 

■ — ->4— § °-f*4° 3~-5-<- — ■ 

DAMASCUS! 


IT 

Will  Make 

SALLOW 
SKIN 

LOVELY, 
GIVING 

HEALTH 

TINTSOF 

YOUTH. 


EVERY 
CAN  HAVE 

A  BEAUTHUL 

C01LEB0H. 


VIEW  OF  OUR  LABORATORY  AND  THE  ANCIENT  CITY  OF  DAMASCUS. 

fe«m  Damas:cii^  and  Fo^dei?  Bamasm*is  MeaEtiftam 


STODDART  BROS.  SanFrancisco. 


CITY  LABORATORY,  400  GEARY  ST. 


T**^ 


■aifci    j!^t    ^k,  >fe 


VOL.  X. 


SAN   FRANCISCO,  FEB.   10,  1883. 


341. 


MMi 


.ISSlte^z 


For 
Breakfast 

AMD 

Lunch 

Go  to  the 

Hew   England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California  SI. 


PHE  CELEBRATED 

IAMPAGNE  WINES 

lessrs.  Deltz  4  Geldbrjjasn  Ay,  en  Champagne. 


CACHET    BLANC- Extra   Dry, 

Id  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN*     SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

RIH.il  \    RED   AND  WHITE  WINES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     "IMS. 
i  cases  Irom  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

arles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


"Give  thy  son  a  literal  etetton." 


OHAMBEELAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PROPRIETORS. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 
OLLEGE. 


U32 


Street 


S,P, 


WSEND   FOR  CIRCULAR"^   B 


1    Leopold  Bro's 

LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets,  Baskets /Wreathes,  Crosses 


S 


S 

Street. 


hotographer, 


LEN   WlcGMiY  &  CO, 

WHOLESALE 

QUOR    MERCHANTS, 

822  and  324  FRONT  STREET, 

N   FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


SCOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

lipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  3     Front     Street, 

—  ALSO  

3RAMENTO,  STOCKTON  AND  LOS  ANGELES 


Champagne, 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from   Mr.   Louis  Boederer.  Reims,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.     Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACON  DRAY  &  CO.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 
SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
714    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN. 

HUM  II      BRANDIES, 

PORT,     Ml  i:  It  It  V.     Etc. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE.      STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    2,     San    Franclseo 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE    BY    AIL    DRl'CCISTS. 


James  Suea.         A.  Bocqi'EBAz.         R.  McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaekson   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTI  N     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"MILTON   J.    HARDY," 

"J.    F.    t'L'TTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old    Bonruou    Wnlxklelt. 

408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


S  C  T3I  L  I  T  Z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOEOHTING-,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.    VI.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO   Streets,    San   Francisco. 


k 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &.  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


DT  A  "NTOflHazelton  Bros 
First  Class,    1    hallete&cumstok, 
»     A) 

Medium  Price,  J\^H 


FULL    VALUE 

FOB   YOTTR  MONEY  mJ 


M.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647  liMarket     Street, 


Diper  Heidsieck 

r     CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

314  California  St.,  Han  Frnnclftco,  C'al. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

C.     Z  I  N"  N  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  (Masonic  Temple), 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,    8    and      10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Dr.  CHAS    \\.   DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and  Foreign,) 
320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  &  Go's 

f°BUDWEISER  BEERU 


'WHOLESALE  DEALERS  I  IT 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


House  worth's 

Photographs 

I  lie  Highest  Standard  of  Excellence, 
2       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and    Shoe    Maker, 

M 

Eh 

H 
W 

tn 
DQ 


43"  Received  fawards  or  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  LNSTrnjTE,  Tor  the  Rest  Work- 
manship. 


.  MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  AM  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L.  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

STJOOEaSOKS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and  Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULM  ANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon. 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cateB 
made  to  Order.     Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR    and     WESTPHALIA     HAMS-       German 
A.  REI'SCHE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY  MOXOPOIE  <e>-tra>, 

1,.  ROEDERER  (sweet  and  dry), 
JIOET  .V   «  II  IM><>\. 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
«3"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6SS  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
cil.l.«i.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 
■pORJIERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
■^  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  ji.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Kos.  114  and  11G  Market  street, 
Vos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.     W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  JIACDOXALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Boors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

311  to  2J5  Spear  St.,  218  to  S26  Smart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-classRestaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
« in.   F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NU1IAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,      SAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


olters  Brothers&Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  In 


W 

Wines  and  Liquors 


2?l  ralifomiT  Ftr^t.  San  Fr 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  FRANCISCO  OTOCK  DREWERT, 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BT  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANT  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


DUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


Natural 

Cbampagne 


DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 

raw aA  %mmJ#w}  ^  Srf 

530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

B^~None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Isabel  and  Corlc.^j 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


^FAND££ 


WILLIAMS,  DIJMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders*  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
Nich.  ABhton  &  SrnTa  Palt. 


I  KOHLER  a  FROHLING 

^j^^igomery st. &_ s.e.cor. slitters Dyjyy^kSiS-   * 


QJJ-P-- 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the   Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
40G    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


L.    P.    DEGEN,    Mak 


ER     OF 


Water  Prool  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S  WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


CH 
p, 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         Lm 
809   MONTGOMERY  St.,  San  Franeiseo. 


H  .      N  .      COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTINGS  HOSE. 

«.     405     11  ABKET     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

KNOW   MANNING'S 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

liny,  Grain  and  Commission  mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS  OF 

PAPEE 


OF    ALL     KINDS. 

413  and  415  Sansonue  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refiner}',  Eighth  and  Brannan  streets. 

0LAU8  SPRE0KEL8 President 

J.D.  8PEE0KELS Vlce-Preident 

A.  B.  8PBE0KELS Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOIJPHE  LOW,  Presidedt 
Office— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  *•  S-^SXLtJP* 


r 


CVOL.  10 


y°  34 


£vr&?£/)  /?r  r//s /°0sr p/f/Cf  /?rsM'c/?Mf/sr'0.M£  4.W  /90AF?rv&  &#  T/tyMsmss/OA'  7-W0OG//   7#£  ,\f/?/i.s  .■?/"  sjr&.vo  arfJS  /frfrss 


HALLELUJAH  —  AMENI 


THE    WASP 


A    TALE    OF    WOE. 


[An  attempt  to  adapt  Rossetti-Swintmrne,  Oscar-Wilde-ism  to 
the  requirements  of  modern  times.] 

The  sky  was  as  dull  as  a  ditch  or  a  bog, — 

Three  Kearny-street  Jews  smoked  all  in  a  row  I 
The  streets  were  choked  with  a  murky  fog, 
The  air  one  breathed  wasn't  fit  for  a  dog. 
Fair  Margaret  cried,  "  Woe's  me  I    Ah,  woe  !  " 

Most  folks  went  muffled  ritjht  up  to  the  nose, — 

Three  sailors  walked  into  the  wax-works  show  ! 
You  couldn't  tell  friends  and  you  couldn't  tell  foes  : 
Nothing  was  really  the  thing  you'd  suppose. 
Fair  Margaret  cr'ed,  "  Woe's  me  /    Ah,  woe/" 

Her  lover  so  true  had  left  her  that  day,— 

three  beggars  implored  just  a  dime  or  two  I 
He'd  gone  with  his  mother  to  sweet  Monterey, 
And  had  not  left,  word  how  long  he  would  stay; 
So  Margaret  sighed  "  Woe's  me  !    Ah,  woe  /  " 


Her  tenement  fronted  the  broad  street  side, — 
Three  car-horses  stumbled,  then  on  they  did  go  / 

And  horsemen  and  waggons  close  past  her  did  glide  ; 

But  darkness  came  on  and  scarce  one  she  descried, 
And  Margaret  wept,    "  Woe's  me./    Ah,  woe  I  " 

She  spent  the  long  hours  at  the  window  pane — 

Three  urchins  upon  their  tin  trumpets  did  blow  / 
And  people  went  by  her  again  and  again, 
But  never  her  lover  in  all  the  dim  train. 
And  Margaret  wept,  "  Woe's  me  '.     Ah,  woe  .'  " 

As  night  closed  around  strange  voices  she  heard, — 
Three  cats  on  the  tiles  joined  in  frightful  mi-aoiv  / 

And  her  weary  young  heart  alarmingly  stirred  ; 

She  listened  intently  but  caught  not  a  word. 
Fair  Margavet  cried,  "  Woe's  me  /    Ah,  woe  /  " 

At  length  came  a  knock,  like  a  thunderous  roar, — 

Three  lodgers  ran  down  in  their  shirts,  without  shoe  ! 
Her  lover  burst  in,  and  a  friend  or  two  more, 
And  cried,  "  Who  are  those  that  await  at  the  door  ?  ; 
Fair  Margaret' gasped,  "  What?  Wliich?  Ah,  woe/' 


The  lamplighter  came  and  lit  up  the  way, — 

Three  dressmakers  home  from  their  work  did  go  .' 
In  front  of  the  door  stood  three  horsemen  so  gay, 
They  asked,  "  Where's  the  voice  that  bids  us  to  stay  ? ' 
And  Margaret  cried.  "  I  said  but,  Ah,  Wee  /  " 

"  *  Woe '  to  a  horse  meaneth  stop,  don't  you  know  ?  " 
The  lover  explained,  as  he  stooped  and  spoke  low — 
Three  horsemen  set  off  as  if  shot  from  a  bow  / 
"  And  when  next  I  a  holiday-making  shall  go, 
Don't  sit  by  the  window  and  carry  on  so." 
So  she  muttered11  Ah  won't"  instead  of  "Ah,  woe  /  ' 
— James  Burnley. 


SOCIETY, 


Clementina's  Letter. 

Dear  Tehama;  The  social  event  of  the  week 
was  the  Sohladhiel  tattoo  and  reception  at  the 
Royal  Wickiup.  It  was  an  affair  gorgeous  beyond 
description,  and  reflected  the  highest  credit  upon 
Her  Majesty,  Queen  Swhellahhed,  the  Royal  Moth- 
er, who,  as  usual,  was  in  her  element  in  receiving. 
As  a  receiver  Her  Majesty  is  a  pre-eminent  suc- 
cess— she  is  equal  to  a  card  receiver  or  a  tan 
collector.  Speaking  of  card  receivers,  I  must 
not  omit  to  mention  that  the  nobility  of  the  Islands 
and  the  rest  of  us,  including  the  American  Lega- 
tion and  officers  of  the  Chinese  turtle  fleet  at  pres- 
ent wintering  in  our  harbor,  received  the  following 
invitation  to  the  reception  : 


;  QUEEN    SWHELLAHHED 

'.  Desires  the  Exquisite  Pleasure  of  Your  Polite  Society  : 

!  At  the  Tattoo  Ceremonial  and  Reception  of 

;  Our  Most  Poyal  Daughter,  ; 

;  'Princess  Bhridwihette  Sohtahdhiel,  : 

:  Tuesday  Eve.,  Nov.  38, 1882.  ; 

:  Society  Islands,  Nov.  1, 1883.  S.  N.  0.  B.  \ 


These  invitations  were  elegantly  embossed  and 
bore  the  royal  crest — a  kangaroo  rampant  and  a 
peppermint  lozenge.  In  these  Islands,  dear  Te- 
hama, you  must  know  that  when  a  young  lady, 
destined  to  ornament  society,  reaches  the  age  of 
sixteen,  she  is  tattooed— an  event  similar  in  scope 
and  intent  to  the   "debut"  ceremonial  of  civilized 


society.  The  occasion  when  the  tattoo  designs  are 
chalked  upon  the  fair  frame  of  a  Society  Island 
lady,  and  after  the  first  color  has  been  inserted  be- 
neath her  epidermis,  the  event  is  celebrated  with 
festivities  and  hilarious  rejoicings.  And  when  one 
of  the  Royal  family,  a  Princess  of  the  blood  Im- 
perial, submits  to  the  needle  of  the  tattooer  for 
the  first  time  the  affair  is  stupenduously  chic  and 
magnificently  recherche  beyond  even  the  lurid  de- 
scription of  the  social  gossip  reporter  of  the  metro- 
politan daily.  On  this  auspicious  occasion  no 
effort  has  been  spared  by  the  genial  hostess  to 
render  the  entertainment  a  veritable  shiendhig,  as 
it  is  poetically  expressed  in  the  musical  native 
dialect.  The  tesselated  floors  of  the  banquetting 
hall  of  the  Royal  Wickiup,  corresponding  to  the 
front  parlors  of  a  Minna  street  mansion,  had  been 
covered  with  variegated  cocoa  matting  for  the 
dancers,  and  presented  a  much  more  pleasing  ap- 
pearance than  the  monotonous  white  canvass  of 
the  Vallejo  street  domiciles  on  reception  nights  ; 
moreover,  colored  matting  is  not  so  apt  to  become 
soiled  by  the  dusty  or  muddy  boots  of  the7ta»/i  ton. 
The  door-posts  and  candelabra  were  tastefully 
decorated  with  smilax  and  pea  vines,  and  the  palm 
groves  surrounding  the  Wickiup  were  illuminated 
with  gourd  lanterns  fashioned  in  fanciful  devices. 
After  the  guests  had  assembled,  the  Princess, 
blushing  a  rich  ashes-of-roses  tint,  was  led  forward 
by  the  Royal  Tattooer,  supported  on  the  right  by 
her  uncle,  the  Duke  de  Monstrosity,  and  on  the 
left  by  the  Prelate  of  Fiji.  She  was  followed  by 
four  Maids  of  Honor.  The  beautiful  tattooante, 
who  is  a  semi-brunette  of  the  gamboge  order,  was 
tastefully  attired  in  coral  earrings  and  an  embroid- 
ered kilt ;  ornaments,  shark  bones  and  turtle  teeth. 
The  Maids  of  Honor  were  Miss  Alesia  Smith,  late 
of  South  Park,  Miss  Kate  O'Rourke,  late  of  Min- 
na street,  Miss  Euphemia  Spargrub,  late  of  the 
Watts  Tract,  Oakland,  and  Miss  Bella  Moran,  late 
of  Saucelito,  all  of  whom  were  dressed  alike  in 
white  satin  bodices  with  epaulettes  of  cloth  of 
gold  and  leotards  of  spangled  silicia  a  la  Bisqui- 
schanti,  supporting  Vanderbilt  trains  trimmed  with 
broad  guage  Huntington  lace ;  cloudlet  veils  with 
silver  lining  depended  in  graceful  folds  from  uni- 
formly auburn  coiffures  artistically  banged ;  sailor 
hide  moccasins  a  la  Sarah  Winnemucca ;  stockings 
au  nature!;  ornaments,  seed  pearls  and  cockle 
shells.  A  short  address  was  delivered  by  the  Pre- 
late, stating  the  purpose  of  the  ceremonial,  after 
which  the  Princess  was  led  to  a  low  couch  where 
she  was  chalked  by  the  Royal  Tattooer.  The  de- 
signs thus  far  settled  upon  by  the  Royal  Family 
Council  comprise  an  elaborate  marine  view  by 
Barney  to  be  pricked  on  the  right  shoulder,  the 
strawberry  mark  on  her  left  arm  to  be  enlarged  to 
a  Jersey  lily  with  Gebhardt  pistils,  the  mole  be 
tween  the  cervical  and  dorsal  vertebra  to  be  sur- 
rounded by  a  nimbus  in  yellow  ochre,  from  de- 
signs by  Keller.  It  is  also  hinted  that  garters  will 
be  tattooed  a  la  K.  C.  B. ,  including  the  Royal 
motto  " Money,  suet,  malt  and  peas,7'  derived  from 
the  favorite  potage  of  the  Imperial  table,  and  of 
which  the  famous  motto  of  English  Knighthood  is 
a  plagiaism  and  corruption.  Should  the  garters  be 
tattooed  they  will  be  "  done"  in  ultramarine,  but 
as  this  decoration  is  only  tattooed  upon  the  royal 
limbs  of  the  reigning  monarch  it  is  doubtful 
whether  the  Princess  Bhridgghette  will  be  accord- 
ed the  superlative  honor.  It  is  almost  certain, 
however,  that  the  monogram  "IT.  S.  A.,"  a  la 
Mule  of  the  Government,  will  be  tattooed  appropos. 
After  the  chalking,  the  needle  work  began  and 
continued  for  several  minutes,  accompanied  by  soft 
sighs  and  mellow  moans  from  the  Royal  Tattoo- 
ante.  The  initial  ceremony  concluded,  the  merry 
guests  abandoned  themselves  to  the  varied  pleas- 
ures of  the  hour ;  social  converse  was  indulged  in, 
and  the  mazy  dance  was  whirled.  At  midnight  a 
superb  collation  was  served  as  follows  : 

MENU. 

Huitres  au  Methusalen. 

Finnanhaddies  a  1'  Ecossaise. 

POTAGES. 

Beans  a  la  buffet  libre. 

Clams  au  "de  profundus  Clamavi." 

Huitres  de  Sunday  School  Festival,  au  Eureka. 

Boca  Veure  Cliquot. 

Entrees. 

Missionary  fricassee,  sauce  Baptiste. 

Filet  de  Kangaroo  au  Woodward's  Gardens. 

Boned  Bird  of  Paradise,  Cherub  sauce. 

Bacon,  decore  a  la  Van  Ess. 

Aspic  of  Tongue  au  Denis  Kearney. 

Fredericksburg  Yquem. 


Rotis. 

Roast  Lamb,  au  Chris.  Buckley. 

Armadillo  au  Mail  Carrier. 

Chimpanzee  au  North  Beach. 

Canards  au  Pickering. 

Din(g)  don(g)  au  Pixley. 

Buddweiser  Eclipse. 

Legumes. 

Leeks  au  Street  Department. 

Cucumber  farcis  au  Cholera  Morbus. 

Hachis  d'  Onions  et  Garlic. 

Breadfruit  Yams. 

Piper  Schlitzsic. 

Dessert. 

Bread  Pudding,  Imperial  Sauce. 

Cabinet  Pudding,  Nabob  Sauce. 

Chateau  Milwaukee. 

Glaces. 

Bombardes  au  Navy  AMERICAINE. 

Corn  Starch  a  la  Women's  Temperance  Restaurant. 

Oakland  Mumm,  Extra  Dry. 

Chiccory,  Crackers  and  Cheese, 

Opium  Pipes. 

Mandragora. 

More  Beer. 

After  the  banquet  dancing  was  resumed,  and  the 
light  fantastic  hula  tripped  until  the  wee  sma* 
hours  to  the  delicious  strains  of  the  Presidio  band, 
when  those  who  were  sober  dispersed,  well  pleased 
with  the  delightful  manner  in  which  the  revelry 
had  been  fostered  by  the  hospitable  hostess.  Among 
other  notable  people  present  I  noticed  Baron  Pee- 
meekartee,  Keeper  of  the  Royal  Feed  Trough  and 
Grand  Chamberlain  of  the  Imperial  Nose  Ring  ; 
His  Royal  Highness  Simpson  Machghlahthrarhee, 
Most  Potent  Executor  of  the  Royal  Will ;  Auxen- 
cico  Maro  Poeno  Venezuela  Hildreth  Dickeson  of 
New  Jersey,  American  Minister  and  Ambassador 
Plenipotentiary  to  the  Court  of  Her  Royal  Nibs, 
Queen  Swhellahhed  ;  T.  Jinks,  Secretary  to  the 
American  Legation;  Marquis  de  Murfee  of  San 
Francisco  ;  Hon.  Duncan  LeWarne,  R.  A.  N. ; 
G.  0.  T.  Count  Robert  Von  0.  Ehlhaffen,  Adju- 
tant Extraordinary  to  the  King  of  the  Cannibal 
Islands ;  Baron  Whuckockeridemofiieschaupunpon- 
sky,  a  noble  political  refugee  from  the  ironclad  des- 
postism  of  a  Russian  tyrant,  seeking  an  alliance 
with  a  rich  coffee  planter's  daughter,  Lady  Ichi 
Ban ;  Lydia  Pinkham,  visiting  the  Islands  for 
health  ;  The  Unmentionable  Mrs.  Stow ;  Misses 
Nellie  Black,  Jennie  Grey,  Blanchie  Brown,  Mau- 
die  White,  forming  a  perfect  galery  of  beauty  and 
a  convocation  of  scintillating  brilliancy  and  female 
loveliness ;  Messrs.  Jeffie  Leerberger,  Frankie  Bal- 
linger,  Countie  Von  Huhn,  Joie  Irwin,  Rossie 
Jackson,  Tommie  Williams,  Paulie  Vandor,  Hughie 
Burke,  Simpie  Simpson,  Andie  Morrison,  Freddie 
Hackett,  Georgie  Squires,  Tommie  Flynn,  Dannie 
O'Connell,  J  erne  Hart,  Cockie  Cockaigne,  Dunkie 
Milne,  Warrie  Cheney,  Harrie  Dam,  Eddie  Town- 
send,  Paddie  Murphy,  Horrie  Wright,  Frankie 
Chase,  Mickie  de  Young,  Frankie  Pixley,  Lorrie- 
Pickering,  Freddie  Marriott,  Deakie  Fitch. 

Clementina. 

Hottongmlle,  Society  Islands,  Dec.  3,  1882. 


This  is  how  the  Stockton  Herald  prefers  to  make 
itself  disagreeable  to  contemporaries  that  it  has  not 
the  happiness  to  approve  of  : 

We  have  no  special  anxiety  to  add  the  scalp  of 
the  editor  of  the  San  Jose  Times  to  the  row  on  our 
girdle,  but  if  he  does  not  cure  himself  of  the  vice 
of  wreaking  his  able  shears  upon  these  columns 
and  giving  the  glory  to  some  other  paper,  his  es- 
teemed topknot  shall  be  ours. 


St.  Louis  society  is  agitated  by  the  fact  that  a 
beau  got  into  a  carriage  with  a  belle  to  escort  her 
home  from  a  ball,  at  which  time  his  face  was 
smooth  and  fair,  but  when  he  emerged  his  eye  was 
blackened,  as  though  by  the  blow  of  the  fist,  and 
the  girl  walked  up  the  steps  of  her  home  alone. 


A  human  skeleton  can  be  bought  for  $25.  At 
this  price  it  hardly  pays  a  man  to  raise  his  own 
skeleton  ;  but  some  poor  families  will  continue  to 
worry  along  without  a  skeleton  in  the  house  as  long 
as  they  can  get  three  dogs  for  a  dollar  and  a  half. 


The  old-fashioned  policeman  used  to  give  an 
alarm  by  rapping  on  the  pavement.  When  he  was 
not  walking  his  beat  he  was  beating  his  walk. 


A  friend  that  every  man  turns  his^back  on- 
back.     -  LanAHOin^  -_■■ 


-his 


THE     WASP. 


3 


THE    CAPITAL    OF    THE    COMMONWEALTH.— IV. 


Special  Coriibspondehge  o*  rHE  Wasp. 


Sacramt  nto,  !'•  b.     .  I  183. 

.My  recent  letter  descriptive  of  theatrocil  i 
ire  perpetrated  on  the  Irish  in  Californian  politics 
lias,  I  am  proud  to  say,  been  already  produc 
jreat  reforms.  During  the  past  week  tin- 
men of  Celtic  antecedents  have  received  many  flat- 
tering recognitions  from  those  in  authority 
tain  i  "of  ley  lias  been  assured  by  the  colored  porter 
of  the  executive  department  that  his  application 
for  the  position  of  Pilot  Commissioner  would  not 
fail  to  receive  attention.  Senator  Harrigan,  while 
tewing  the  Governor  the  other  afternoon. 
was  permitted  to  treat  his  Excellency  to  a  cigarette. 
Senator  Cronan,  who,  I  am  proud  to  say,  comes 
from  our  great  metropolis,  which  adds  the  irresist- 
able  charm  to  the  golden  shore  of  our  beautiful 
State,  lias  been  allowed  to  do  the  dirty  work  for 
the  railroad,  and  almost  supersedes  Major  Gillis  in 
the  affections  of  Mr.  -Stanford's  kept  beauty,  Col- 
onel Stow.  The  disposition  to  open  the  doors  of 
political  preferment  to  statesmen  of  foreign  birth 
or  parentage  has  been  extended  even  beyond  the 
purple  hills  of  Tipperary  and  has  gone  forward  on 
its  magnanimous  mission  until  it  has  spread  joy 
among  the  deep  fjords  and  the  snow-capped  moun- 
tains of  Scandinavia.  That  distinguished  Norse 
statesman,  Senator  Nelson,  is  giving  Senator  Cro- 
nan a  close  rub,  and  in  the  substantial  rewards  of 
patriotism  that  have  come  in  the  shape  of  mileage, 
"perquisites,"  etc.,  is  believed  to  be  fully  three 
dollars  ahead  of  the  Thirteenth  District  representa- 
tive. Not  all  the  financial  ability  of  the  Roth- 
schilds and  all  the  rash  commercial  enterprise  of 
Dick  Turpin  and  A'asquez  could  show  a  more  mer- 
itorious result.  As  compared  with  the  benefits 
lately  showered  on  these  naturalized  and  hitherto 
neglected  lawmakers,  the  paltry  rewards  of  anti- 
police  and  debris  legislation  and  the  small  testimo- 
nials of  esteem  that  have  been  accorded  native 
statesmen  by  anxious  bull-butterers  and  grateful 
contractors  have  been  as  the  "  sand  1J  of  a  militia 
general  is  to  that  of  the  Mojave  Desert.  Though 
my  sympathies  are  with  the  foreigner,  I  must  admit 
that  the  native  statesman  is  showing  great  speed, 
and  that  in  the  present  sack  race  he  has  fallen  in 
the  rear,  is  not  so  much  the  fault  of  his  inclinations 
as  of  his  opportunities. 

The  Legislature  is  now  in  the  throes  of  hard 
work,  as  can  be  seen  by  the  accompanying  picture 
of  the  Sergeant- at- Arms  of  the  Assembly  pursuing 
his  laborious  vocation. 


There  is  a  mistaken  idea  outside  the  halls  of 
legislation  that  the  position  of  a  Sergeant- at- Arms 
is  a  sinecure  of  great  profit.  The  sketch  here 
given  will  correct  the  error.  The  task  of  straddling 
a  dog-pit  for  six  nights  in  the  week  is  enough  to 
test  the  strength  of  the  most  powerful  ahtlete  and 
is  wearing  out  the  vitality  of  the  incumbent,  a  fact 
made  painfully  apparent  by  the  elongation  of  his 
legs,  the  attenuation  of  his  body  and  the  haggard 
expression  of  his  back  hair.  The  twenty-dollar 
piece  which  he  holds  up  for  speculative  purposes  is 
drawn  on  the  scale  of  an  inch  to  the  mile,  to  give 
an  idea  of  the  size  which  it  takes  in  the  hungry 
eyes  of  the  few  starving  Republicans  who  are  feast- 
ing on  its  distant  and  enchanted  loveliness.  It 
will  be  seen  that  the  Sergeant's  vest  needs  pulling 
down,  but  this  is  a  mere  affectation  of  rustic  care- 
lessness, copied  from  John  P.  Irish,  with  a  view  to 
capturing  the  hoosier  vote  and  becoming  door- 
keeper of  the  House  of  Representatives  when  the 
editor  of  the  Oakland  Times  shall  have  been  sent 
on  by  Mr.  Stow  to  advocate  consolidation  of  the 


tilroad  lines  of  the  country.      It  mu 

however,    b 
■     out  his  young  Life  bj 
P1*  and  cliPP"  'hat  all  the  statesmen  in 

Sacramento  Such  an  impn  b- 

sion  would  be  aiost  incorrect      Then 
legislators  who  have  an  unspe 
such  pastime        Of  thi     i  Senator  Barney 

Murphy,  of  Santa  Clara, who  devotes  all  th- 
ttion  tu  pra 
the  conversion  of  his  colleagues. 


/ 


This  tngraving  uf  the  pious  Senator  exhibits  him 
in  the  intense  fervor  of  a  benediction  on  the  hotel 
cook,  who  had  tried  his  Christian  fortitude  by 
throwing  a  fistful  of  salt  into  a  pot  of  Sacramento 
water  and  palming  it  off  as  pea  soup.  The  pray- 
erful disposition  of  Senator  Murphy  is  all  the 
more  commendable  as  he  is  a  native  of  San  Jose, 
and  has  several  times  been  thrust  by  his  admiring 
townsmen  into  prominent  political  positions.  Let 
us  hope  that  in  the  ecstacy  of  his  invocation  the 
pious  statesman  may  not  forget  to  mingle  with  his 
petitions  for  the  depraved  soup-maker  an  earnest 
prayer  to  be  saved  from  the  fate  of  Jim  Budd,  and 
not  be  railroaded  into  Congress.  Senator  Ryan  is 
another  distinguished  statesman, 


To  whom  the  spectacle  of  Mr.  Farrelly  bestriding 
a  dog-pit  is  not  irresistible.  The  Senator  devotes 
his  leisure  moments  to  the  practice  of  the  manly 
art.  It  may  be  well  to  state,  however,  that  he  is 
not  the  Ryan  who  fought  Sullivan,  the  Boston 
slogger.  The  Senator  is  a  person  of  entirely  dif- 
ferent tastes,  being  exceedingly  active,  powerful 
and  courageous.  He  stands  fully  three  feet  six 
inches  in  his  shoes,  and  on  ordinary  occasions 
weighs  forty  pounds.  When  the  wind  blows  strong 
from  the  northwest  the  Senator  dispenses  with  a 
carriage,  and  fluttering  out  of  his  hotel  allows  him- 
self to  be  blown  up  to  the  capitol.  During  the 
recent  gales  he  imprudently  followed  his  usual  cus- 
tom, and  becoming  entangled  by  his  back  hair  in 
the  flagstaff  of  the  capitol  he  was  mistaken  for  a 
bluejay  and  shot  at  several  times  by  an  urchin  with 
a  parlor  rifle.  The  Senator  is  a  native  of  Goat 
Island,  and  in  his  youth  developed  his  splendid 
oratorical  powers  after  the  fashion  of  Demosthe- 
nes, by  wandering  along  the  pebbly  strands  of  his 
beautiful  home  and  exchanging  the  gossip  of  the 
day  with  the  passing  ferryboats.  It  was  this  am- 
bitious exercise  of  lung  that  suggested  to  the  Fed- 
eral Government  the  establishment  of  a  fog-horn 
station  on  the  sland,  so  the  Senator  holds  his  posi- 


tion on  tin-   Commil 

tion  bj  virtue  of  distinguished  mer- 

cantile marine.     Thi 

..'  himself   to  posterity   in  the  toga  of  a 
■i  of  the  olden  time,  he  borrowed   a  table- 
cloth hum  the  Gold  sed  be- 

i ,  niis- 
called  a  photographer.  The  following  fiendish 
production 


Shows  the  terrible  nature  of  the  atrocity  com- 
mitted against  him.  The  Senate  is  thinking  of  in- 
vestigating the  outrage,  and  passing  a  bill  limiting 
the  privileges  of  photographers  and  making  a  care- 
less use  of  the  camera  a  felony,  punishable  by  im- 
prisonment for  life.  Herewith  I  append  a  beauti- 
ful photograph  of  the  distinguished  Democrat  who 
is  expected  to  receive  the  appointment  of  Harbor 
Commissioner.  It  is  generally  believed  here  that 
his  speech  against  the  railroad  bill  the  other  day, 
when  Stoneman  was  listening,  was  a  "cap"  that 
John  Wise  and  all  the  other  Ave  hundred  and 
eighty  candidates  cannot  beat.  I  understand  that 
one  of  the  other  candidates  has-  procured  the  origi- 
nal hickory  which  dusted  the  Gubernatorial  panta- 
loons and  is  having  it  mounted  with  gold.  But 
even  this  ingenious  device  for  winning  the  Guber- 
natorial favor  will  not  win  against  the  anti-rail- 
road organ  of  the  Democratic  ex-Governor. 


The  broom  in  his  ex-Excellency's  hands  is  not 
the  besom  with  which  he  intended  to  sweep  the 
dominant  corporation  off  the  face  of  the  State,  or 
knock  the  railroad  attorney  who  tackled  him  out 
of  time.  The  modest  emblem  of  industrious  clean- 
liness is  the  emblem  of  reform  which  the  ex-Gov- 
ernor is  expected  to  carry  into  the  Board  of  Har- 
bor Commissioners.  His  attitude  is  that  in  which 
the  hopeful  eye  of  the  good  Democracy  already  sees 
him  as  he  sweeps  the  pets  of  Pinafore  Perkins  on  to 
the  cold  charity  of  the  sidewalk  and  into  the  cheer- 
less hospitality  of  the  Alms-House, 

Percivai  Gilhooly 


THE    WASP 


PUBLISHED    EVERT  SATIT.DAY.   AT  510  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   EELOW    KEAESY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACTARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

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Ho  quesiionafcU  advertisement  inserted  in  thiz  journal* 


SATURDAY,  -  -  FEBRUARY  10,  1883. 

It  is  difficult  to  imagine  a  more  offensive  specta- 
cle than  ooe  of  Mr.  Creed  Haymond's  pleas  in  be- 
half of  the  Piailroad  before  a  Legislative  Commit- 
tee, a  Railroad  Commission,  or  any  other  body. 
The  man  acts  like  an  inspired  windmill  and  talks 
like  a  divine  idiot.  The  other  day  this  pretty  gen- 
tleman uttered  his  mind  upon  the  I>el  Valle  resolu- 
tion asking  Congress  not  to  pass  the  bill  authoriz- 
ing the  consolidation  of  the  railway  companies 
whose  lines  extend  between  New  Orleans  and  San 
Francisco.  Some  allowance  must  be  made  for  Mr. 
Haymond's  frame  of  mind  :  he  was  badgered  a 
good  deal  by  ex-Governor  Irwin  and  Representa- 
tive-elect Eudd,  But  this  allowance  being  made, 
it  remains  true  that  Mr.  Haymond  made  a  holy 
show  of  himself.  That  he  carried  with  him 
the  Senate  Committee — before  whom  bis  harangue 
was  executed — is  nothing  ;  the  members  of  the 
Committee  had  been  selected  with  a  view  to  their 
special  fitness  for  being  carried  with  Mr.  Hay- 
mond- If  anybody  has  ever  before  exuded  such 
idiotic  drivel  as  this  fellow's  gabble  about  our  State 
("surrounded  by  bands  of  iron  owned  by  Eastern 
corporations")  struggling  against  the  corporate 
power  of  the  Atlantic  Coast  and  finding  no  safety 
but  in  another  transcontinental  route  owned  by 
Californiaus.  it  has  not  been  our  unspeakable  priv- 
ilege to  hear  of  it.  Mr.  Haymond  is  himself  his 
only  peer;  none  but  he  could  have  transcended 
the  immeasurable  folly  of  such  talk,  and  he  only 
by  an  impassioned  outburst  of  eulogium  on  those 
noble  patriots.  Stanford,  Crocker  and  Huntington, 
who,  without  a  cent  of  their  own  money,  built  a 
railroad  as  a  war  measure  after  the  war  was  over, 
by  mortgaging  their  land  grant ;  their  other  subsi- 
dies being  shoved  down  into  their  pockets  as  divi- 
dends. High  old  patriots;  these  !— just  the  sort  of 
chaps  to  save  us  from  the  Eastern  monopolist — by 
taking  a  hack  at  our  pockets  themselves.  For 
their  scheming  and  plundering  we  could  forgive 


them.  Their  obvious  corruption  of  the  Senate 
Committee  we  can  forget.  But  for  the  sin  of  af- 
flicting us  with  the  audible  "  slobber  "  of  that  au- 
tomatic tongue,  Creed  Haymond,  there  is  pardon 
in  neither  this  world  nor  the  next. 


Frank  Pixley  is  at  his  old  discreditable  trick  of 
accentuating  himself  by  inciting  religious  and  race 
animosities.  This  businesB  is  the  more  unworthy 
because  Pixley  is  a  man  of  brains,  who,  if  he  would 
form  convictions  and  take  the  trouble  to  be  true  to 
them,  could  make  himself  a  power,  and  earn  in 
any  one  year  more  fame  by  the  conscientious  ex- 
pression of  liberal  viewB  than  he  ever  has  won,  or 
ever  can  win,  by  the  method  which  he  has  the  bad 
luck  to  prefer.  That  he  is  an  uneducated  man  is 
his  own  fault.  Like  similar  men  everywhere,  he 
tries  to  make  it  his  glory  by  disparaging  every  kind 
of  learning  that  he  does  not  himself  possess.  But 
he  was  born  with  an  uncommonly  alert  mind  and 
has  acquired  a  felicity  of  expression  which  in  a 
man  of  his  meager  attainments  is  one  of  the 
rarest  things  in  nature.  But  the  man's  devouring 
vanity  will  not  permit  him  the  leisure  to  be  right. 
He  cannot  afford  the  delay  of  thinking.  His  rest- 
less egotism  is  forever  flinging  its  eyes  about  it  to 
discern  some  short  cut  to  notoriety.  Observation 
has  shown  him  that  races  have  no  skins — touch 
them  and  they  jump.  So  he  reaches  out  his  clumsy 
hand,  laying  his  not  over-clean  finger  on  the  super- 
sensitive peripheries  of  the  German,  the  Irishman 
and  the  Jew.  and  straightway  he  haB  them  all  danc- 
ing and  howling  his  name.  That  gratifies  him  but 
does  not  satisfy.  It  is  the  nature  of  this  kind  of 
childish  ambition  that  its  thirst  is  never  slaked  ; 
when  it  has  drunk  dry  every  small  spring  of  noto- 
riety within  reach  of  its  fever,  it  suffers  insuffera- 
ble pangs  of  thirBt  because  it  cannot  lave  its  hot 
mouth  in  the  inexhaustible  fountains  of  fame. 
Let  not  the  Jews  whom  Pixley  is  now  malign- 
ing take  the  matter  too  seriously.  It  is  not  worth 
their  while  to  reason  with  a  man  who  writes  from 
his  feelings  and  can  feel  any  way  he  wishes  to  feel; 
but  they  have  their  revenge  in  the  assurance  that 
their  traducer  would  rather  be  the  least  among 
their  famous  men  than  to  be  what  he  is.  There 
is  this  advantage  in  being  assailed  by  Pixley  :  that 
which  he  affirms,  if  it  were  ever  so  true  before, 
becomes  false  by  the  mere  force  of  his  assertion  ; 
and  such  is  the  peculiarly  instructive  character  of 
his  journal  that  the  man  who  is  indiscreet  enough 
to  read  in  it  some  truth  that  he  has  known  aU  hie 
life,  lives  ever  thereafter  in  darkest  ignorance  of 
that  once  familiar  fact. 


The  existence  of  such  men  as  Pixley  is  not 
without  its  advantage.  They  have  noses  deli- 
cately endowred  ;  they  know  what  is  in  the  wind. 
Like  the  witches  in  "Macbeth,"  they  can  tell  by 
the  pricking  of  their  thumbs  that  something  evil 
their  way  comes  ;  and  the  rest  of  us  are  apprised 
of  its  approach  by  seeing  them  going  out  to  give 
it  welcome.  Whenever  there  is  an  "impending 
conflict"  the  Pixley "s  sensitive  nostril  smelleth  the 
battle  afar  off.  There  is  notoriety  going,  and  it 
will  accrue  to  the  early  worker  in  the  wrong.  So 
one  can  always  confidently  calculate  on  seeing  a 
Pixley  in  the  forefront  of  every  battle  that  is  purely 
intellectual,  delivering  mighty  words  and  shoulder- 
ing the  whole  cause  of  the  deviL  We  should 
hardly  have  known  out  here  on  the  verge  of  the 
American  continent  how  our  Christian  souls  were 
warmed  by  the  unholy  tires  recently  kindled  in 
Russia  if  this  man  of  problematic  race  but  indu- 
bitable irreligion  had  not  begun  to  sweat,  and 
labor  in  the  aides  like  a  lizard,  and  disburse  a  mul- 
titude of  evil  smells.  He  is  a  kind  of  moral 
thermometer  :  when  the  mercury  rises  in  the  nar- 


,, 


row  tube  of  his  understanding  be  sure  thai 
in  the  invisible  public  bulb  is  not  altogether 
fected.     It  is  true  that  such  natures  record  hi; 
backward  and  barbarous  tendencies.       Revt  in, 
the  famous  legend  of  the  sun-dial,  Born 
Hi': ro  nisi  Berenas,  they  mark   only  the  hours  ha' 
are  shadowed    with  malevolent   remiDiscenC' 
the  dark   ages.       As    disease    is    contagiouB 
health  is  not,  so  with  them  a  wicked  influen 
powerful  to  impress,  while  a  good  one  "  reel 
heededly  away."     They  are  nature's  awful  e 
pies,  and  useful  after  the  unpleasant  mann 
their  kind.     Without   a  Pixley  to  embody  1 
all  in  his  own  person  we  should  have  been  a  |  hi 
ously  long  time  learning  of  the  unlovely  race   ej 
udices  and  religious  animosities  that  are  newl;  le 
tiling  our  civilization.       This  irreligious  bigot  tt 
racial  nondescript  is  a  conspicuous  and  alari  De 
symptom  of  the  fatty  degeneration  of  the  C  I 
tian- American  heart. 


The  various  departments  of  our  municipal  lr- 
ernment  have  now  a  common  aim — to  get  mo  f 
That  is  the  oDe  problem  to  which  local  statesL  n- 
ship  is  now  addressing  itself.  By  the  laws  ui  ft 
which  we  live  the  city  can  contract  no  debt  in  i- 
cess  of  its  monthly  income.  Our  authorities  re 
required  by  the  most  stringent  prohibitions  It 
can  be  worked  into  words  not  to  exceed  this  al.  r- 
ance,  and  it  is  declared  that  all  demands  in  ex  JB 
of  it  are  invalid.  Behold  the  value  of  law  in  "]B 
ular  government  "  !  The  city  is  bankrupt.  le 
water  company  and  the  gas  company  opi  I 
threaten  us  with  fire  and  darkness  because  ti  u 
bills  are  unpaid.  Work  which  the  law  commaij, 
the  law  forbids  us  to  pay  for.  In  short,  we  hit 
been  stolen  poor,  and  now  the  brakes  of  bankrupt 
are  so  cinching  the  "  wheels  of  government  "  tlf 
the  train  can  move  neither  forward  or  back.  The 
is  one  way  out  of  the  dilemma  :  to  borrow  a  h  - 
million  dollars  for  the  new  set  of  thieves  to  ste . 
But  this  cannot  be  done  without  the  consent! 
the  people,  given  at  a  popular  election — and  th  I 
is  no  money  to  pay  the  expense  of  an  electi  . 
With  but  an  indifferent  regard  for  the  needs! 
their  successors,  the  old  lot  of  officials  not  o: ' 
picked  the  public  pocket  clean,  but  sewed  it  1  j 
All  this  is  the  natural  and  logical  outcome  of  stt 
government  in  an  American  city  where  the  balai  I 
of  power  is  hrmly  held  by  the  most  ignorant,  selni 
disreputable  and  unpatriotic  elements  in  the  co  ■ 
munity  ;  where  every  habitual  misdemeanant  1 1 
a  vote  ;  where  the  classes  whose  sordid  intere  '< 
are  best  served  by  misgovernment  are  most  actii 
and  successful  in  obtaining  and  transmitti  I 
power;  where  the  first  man  you  meet  is  a  rog 
and  the  second  a  fool.  There  are  two  remedies  | 
endurance  and  emigration. 


The  bill  of  Senator  Lynch,  appropriating  §2( 
000  dollars  to  pay  ex-Senators  Sears  and  Dickinsi 
and  ex- Judge  Waymire  for  legal  services  in  havii 
the   infamous   Drainage  Act  declared  unconstit , 
tional,  ought  to  pass  both  houses  of  the  Legisl  i 
ture  without  a  dissenting  vote.     These  three  gel : 
tlemen  took  up  the  matter  at    their   owninstanij 
and  fought  the  Act  in  the  courts  until  they  ti'> 
umphed  over  not  only  its  avowed  supporters  an ' 
the  paid  attorneys  of  those  interested  in  maintaii  i 
ing  it,  but  over  the  unconcealed  hostility  of  tl  | 
Attorney-General  himself.     They  saved  the  Stai  j 
several  millions  of  dollars  and  it  is  but  simple  jui 
tice  that  they  be  partly  compensated  for  their  ej 
penditure  of  time,  labor  and  money.     Mr.  Lynch  , 
estimate  of  the  sum  to  be  awarded   them  is  an  ej 
ceedingly  moderate  one,  evidently  based,  not  upo.  | 
the  magnitude   of   their  service   to  the  State,  bu 
up»on   his  own  very  low — and   therefore   correct- , 
conception  of  the  public's  gratitude. 


THE    WASP. 


OUR     BULL    BUTTER     BARDS, 


The  Malefactor's  Dream. 


Scene:    A  room  in  the  Tower. 

ter  Wilson,  1'ukt-  nf  ( 'Ian  m  rand  I. mi i I  Marquis  of  Hull 
*     Butter,  accompanied  by  Abominable  Merchandise,  his 
foreman  i 
M.     Win   looks  your  grace  so  heavily  to-day  ? 

.ke.—  Oh,  I  have  passed  a  miserable  night, 

So  full  of  fearful  dreams  and  ugly  sights, 
That  as  I  am  a  rancid-tallow  rogue, 
I  would  not  spend  another  such  a  light, 
Though  'twere  to  buy  a  world  of  happy  clays, 
( >r  through  the  Legislature  pass  a  bill 
Declaring  dairy  butter  damnable  ! 

M.  -What  was  your  dream,   my  lord?    I  pray  you 
tell  me. 

ke.  -Methought  that  I  was  bidden  to  a  feast 
Among  the  gilded  snobs,  and  on  their  board 
Was  nought  besides  the  product  of  our  mill 
In  villainous  profusion— every  dish 
And  golden  platter  tilled  unto  the  brim 
With  reeking  oleomargarine  ;    and  I 
Perforce  did  eat  thereof.     Straightway  I  died  ! 
Ob,  Lord!     Methought  what  frightful  pain  was 

mine, 
To  perish  by  mine  own  vile  merchandise  ! 
What  dreadful,  deafening  odors  filled  my  nose  ! 
What  sights  of  ugly  death  within  mine  eyes  ! 
Methought  I  saw  a  factory  like  mine, 
In  which  a  thousand  dreadful  vats  were  fvdl 
Of  even  viler  garbage  ;    bubbling  up 
In  steaming,  hissing,  hideous  filthiness  ! 
What  horrid,  reeking,  putrid  things  were  there, 
I  need  not  tell  thee,  good  and  worthy  friend 
Who  see'st  them  every  day.     It  fairly  seemed 
As  if  the  slimy  bottom  of  the  deep 
Had  ransacked  been,  and  all  its  fearful  stores 
*  'umbined  with  the  Potreros  fragrant  pens 
And  Chinatown's  vile  sweepings,  now  were  poured 
Into  those  seething  cauldrons  !    Bloated  toads, 
And  creeping  things,  with  glazed  and  lifeless  eyes 
Came  to  the  top  to  mock  and  leer  at  me  ! 

.  M.— Awaked  you  not  with  this  sore  agony  ? 

uke.—  Oh,  no  ;   my  dream  was  lengthened  after  life, 
And  then  began  the  tempest  to  my  soul  ; 
For  now  methought  the  King  of  Darkness  came 
And  spake  unto  his  thousand  gibbering  fiends, 
Who  seized  and  plunged  me,  shrieking  with  af- 
fright, 
Into  each  ghastly  cauldron,  one  by  oi.e, 
The  first  that  did  receive  my  stranger  soul 
Was  our  great  staple,  axle  grease  and  offal  ! 
Then  cried  a  voice,  "  Bull  Butter  Wilson  comes  ! 
Stockjobbing,  perjured  Wilson  !    Smear  his  soul 
With  oleaginous  infernal  stuff, 
Then  place  our  whole  Bull  dairy  in  his  charge  !  " 
With  that,  methought,  a'legion  of  foul  fiends 
Environed  me,  and  howled  into  mine  ears 
Such  hideous  cries  that  with  the  very  noise 
I  trembling  waked,  and  for  a  season  after 
Could  not  believe  but  that  I  was  in  hell — 
Such  terrible  impression  made  my  dream  ! 
(Exeunt.) 

— Bysshe. 


An  Object  Lessom 
What  is  that,  mother  ? 

A  Dairy,  my  child  ; 
With  grime  and  with  grease  it  is  all  defiled. 
Its  front  elevation  as  black  as  a  boot  ! 
Its  windows  are  murky  with  cobwebs  and  soot. 
See  how  the  smoke  from  its  tall  chimney  swells, 
Smell  how  the  wind  that  sweeps  over  it  smells  ! 

What  is  that,  mother  ? 

That's  Clover,  my  dear  ; 
It's  fed  to  the  cows  every  month  in  the  year. 
They're  hauling  it  in  from  the  "meadows"  to-day — 
For  slaughter-house,  butcher-shop  kitchen,  they  say, 
Are  called  so  out  here  by  these  dairymen.     See  : 
The  Clover-leaves  dripping  with  fat  !  ■  can  it  be 
That  the  axle-grease  sweats  from  the  carts  ?    And  behold 
How  the  blossoms  are  yellow  as  jaundice  or  gold 
With  decay  !— how  the  blow-flies  are  taking  great  pains 
In  blowing  that  Clover's  lamented  remains  ! 
It  is  horse,  it  is  hog,  it  is  dog,  it  is  cat, 
It  is  anything  greasy  and  anything  fat, 


But  the  Cow  Bade  it  toothsome  and  meet,  I'll  allow  : 
My  child  let  us  enter     rilshowy. 

What  is  that,  mother? 

!'!■■■  i  low,  ma  pctiU 
Bolted  and  screwed  to  the  Ho.»r  by  bi  i 
Her  skeleton's  iron,  hei  teeth  in    il  cine, 

Her  udder's  a  spout  that  i^  over  a  sink. 

See  how  she  munches  the  i  Hover  they  dump 

In  her  hopper-her  mouth,  1   should  Bay.      Hear  the 

thump 
Of  her  entrails  that  crush  it  like  stamp-,  of  a  mill, 
And  stir  it  and  mix  it  with  something  like  swill. 
It  runs  from  the  udder  and  tills  up  the  vat 
It  is  milk  though  you'd  swear  it  was  borsate-of  cat 
That's  cream  that  arises  on  top  and  e  ccela 
Intangible,  audible,  visible  mm, 11-. 

What  is  that  mother  ? 

That's  I'.iittei ,  my  sweel   ; 
Boiled  from  the  cream  in  the  vat  at  your  feet. 
Observe  its  gold  glory  and  beautiful  hue. 
Bright  as  the  sunshine  that  breaks  from  the  blue. 
Notice  its  fragrance— it  blesses  the  nose 
Like  heliotrope  or  the  attar-of-rose. 
Ah  !  how  delightful  it  is  to  the  touch  ! 
Silk-sided,  velvety- hearted  and  such. 
Feel  it  and  smell  it  and  look  at  it  well 
Tis  charming  to  touch  and  to  handle  and  smell, 
For 

What  is  that,  mother  ? 

A  Dead  Man,  my  love, 
He  tasted  that  Butter.     (Jod  called  him  above. 


to   Ai>vi:itiisi:its. 


No  more  advertisements  for  the  Wast  can  be  taken 
at  present  on  any  terms.  On  the  erpvration  of  those 
already  in  the  paper,  preference  will  necessarily  be 
given  to  renewals.  Persons  favoring  us  with  a  notice 
of  their  wish  to  advertise  will  be  apprised  of  vacancies 
as  they  occur. 


TINTYPERY, 


Did  any  one  ever  notice  a  couple  of  girls  bent  on 
the  wild  dissipation  of  tintypes  ?  They  premedi- 
tatedly  plan  the  vile  enormity,  rendezvous  at  the 
gallery  and  after  irritating  the  unhappy  man  of 
chemicals  into  a  state  bordering  on  frenzy  they 
conclude  to  be  taken  in  a  group  instead  of  sepa- 
rately. Then  they  get  into  the  ill-smelling  little 
dressing-room  and  giggle,  pose,  brush  and  plaster 
until  the  poor,  patient,  consumptive  looking  artist 
prays  for  death  to  relieve  him.  At  last  they  get 
ready,  twine  their  arms  round  each  other  in  an 
attitude  of  juvenile  innocence  and  simplicity,  put 
their  heads  together  as  if  each  wanted  to  hear  what 
the  other  was  thinking  about,  assume  expressions 
indicative  of  angelic  pity  and  tenderness  (strong 
dissent  from  the  artist)  and  the  deed  is  done. 
Then  they  carry  home  some  dozens  of  the  villain- 
ous little  daubs  and  distribute  them  among  their 
friends,  assuring  each  unfortunate  recipient  that 
"'tis  an  excellent  likeness  of  dear  Jessie"  (or 
whatever  the  other  girl's  name  is)  "  but  not  at  all 
like  me."     Dear  creatures — girls  ! 


O,  Dorney,  Dorney,  Dorney,  Dorney,  P.  S.  Dor- 
ney,  why  do  you  "  Ho  !  Ho  !  "  and  aver  that  you 
are  "  Death,  immortal  Death  "  f  For  you're  not, 
you  know  ;  you  are  only  an  ignorant  and  conceited 
jackass  who  writes  abominable  bosh  for  the  Sacra- 
mento Bee.  Look  at  you,  Dorney— take  notice 
what  a  disagreeable  cuss  you  are  !  Do  you  sup- 
pose that  Death— the  real,  Simon-pure  and  only 
genuine,  sure-enough  Death  would,  should  or 
could  write  such  a  stanza  as  this  'ere  ? 

In  winter's  icy  nostrils  hoar 

I  belch,  dark,  dumb  and  grim  ; 
And  Summer's  sheen,  and  sea,  and  shore 
Submissive  kneel  to  me— and  more — 
They  shudder  and  say  :  "  'Tis  him  ! " 

Do  you  expect  us  to  believe  that  death  doesn't 
know  anything  more  about  English  grammar  than 
to  do  the  like  o'  that?  "  'Tis  Him,"  indeed. 
And  you  go  on  and  end  three  more  stanzas  in  the 
same  way.  Dorney,  we  are  disappointed  in  you. 
You  haven't  turned  out  well  at  all.  We  fear  we 
shall  have  to  put  you  alongside  of  Frank  Pixley 


and  Jamee  McClatchy  in  the  very  fr.ua  rank  o 
blld  I*>'"  believe 

us.      \,.  i ,.  a\i 


If  something  cannol  be  done  to  breathe  a  soul 
under  the  libs  ol  the   Lift  i  i    on  (his 

enly,  unhandsoi tone  oughl  I 

well  shotted  and  bin  ied    I  Phot     if  not,  we 

believe,  a  record  anywhere  ■  ifi  bi  ing  saved  by 
it.  When  tb"  Escaml  i  upeel  within  gun-shot  of 
ahte-boal  station  there  was  not  a  anal  anywhere 
about.     The  other  day  i  In  ■  i  ,,■    ashore 

ami  beat  hersell  to  pii  cea  n  itl >  - s, i   miles  of 

another  Btation,  the  keej t    which  would  not 

permit  his  boat  to  be  launched  although  a  volun- 
teer crow  bad  c.nir  I an  it    and  a  tug    to  tow  it 

to  the  wreck.  By  this  Kind  ol  cowardly  noi 
ten  lives  were  lest.  They  might  have  been  lost 
anyhow,  and  those  of  the  boat?  crew  in  addition, 
but  a  beeper  with  any  kind  of  manliness  and 
spirit  would  have  taken  the  chances  and  "  made  a 
try  for  it.'  It  is  now  time  for  this  manner  "f 
thing  to  be  in.  ] >ss  of  reformation  ;  if  the  ser- 
vice connot  bo  made  effective  on  account  of  the 
ocean's  wetness,  it  would  be  better  to  move  the 
stations  a  few  nubs  inland  and  drill  the  hardy  life- 
boat man  and  his  gallant, gallant  crew  in  such  sim- 
ple and  safe  evolutions  as  Boating  their  machine 
upon  the  placid  bosom  of  the  morning  dew,  for  the 
succor  of  the  imperiled  gopher. 


The  only  man  in  the  State  Senate  Committee  on 
Federal  Relations  who  Bti  oil  up  for  the  interests  of 
the  people  against  the  Railroad  is  Mr.  Baldwin, 
He  made  a  minority  report  advocating  the  adop- 
tion of  the  Del  Yalle  resolution  urging  Congress  to 
defeat  the  "consolidation"  iniquity.  The  other 
members  of  the  Committee  -may  their  God  forget 
them  ! — recommended  the  Kelly  substitute. 


The  Assembly  has  passed  Mr.  Barry's  "  Act  in 
Relation  to  Railroads."  This  is  the  best  wotfc 
done  in  that  House  during  the  present  session. 
We  shall  publish  the  full  text  of  this  bill  next 
week,  in  order  that  if  the  Senate  shall  dare  to  kill 
it  our  readers  may  be  able  intelligently  to  conject- 
ure the  motive  that  prompted  the  murder. 


It  looks  as  if  the  anti-oleomargarine  crusade  at 
Sacramento  were  going  to  succeed.  Roth  Mr. 
English's  bill  in  the  Senate  and  Mr.  Hollister's  in 
the  Assembly  are  drawn  in  accordance  with  sug- 
gestions submitted  in  the  columns  of  this  paper. 
Both  require  that  in  restaurants,  hotels  and  board- 
ing-houses where  oleomargarine  is  used  notice  of 
that  fact  shall  be  conspicuously  displayed.  Mr. 
Wilson,  will  you  please  pass  the  butter  I 


Announcement  is  made  of  the  appointment  on 
Governor  Stonemau's  staff  of  five  colonels  and 
eight  lieutenant-cobmels.  These  inferior  digni- 
taries are  all  aides-de-camp.  As  these  gentlemen 
will  have  to  perform  the  perilous  duty  of  convey- 
ing the  Commander-in-Chief's  orders  on  the  bat- 
tle-field we  think  they  should  all  have  been  made 
major-generals,  in  order  that  the  superior  bril- 
liancy of  their  uniforms  might  paralyze  the  enemy. 


Down  on  business,  T  suppose,"  said  Jex,  meet- 
ing an  old  friend  from  Jackass  Gap.  (i  The  worst 
you  ever  saw,"  was  the  countryman's  energetic  re- 
ply. "Wouldn't  touch  it  with  a  ten-foot  pole. 
Lay  your  life  I'm  down  on  it  !  ' 


'  Im  not  a  Jew  !  "  shrieks  Pixley,  wrung 
By  taunts  of  friends  and  foes. 
What  !    man,  shall  we  believe  your  tongue 
And  disbelieve  your  nose  ? 


If  a  minister  of  the  Gospel  is  honest,  devoted  and  sin- 
cere, the  Wasp  calls  him  a  hypocrite.  If  he  is  shrewd, 
worldly  and  has  an  eye  to  business,  he  is  a  fraud.  —  Unap- 
preciativc  Exchange. 

You  don't  do  us  justice.  It  is  true, we  call  the 
latter  a  fraud,  but  that  is  not  intended  to  preju- 
dice his  claim  to  hypocrisy. 


Physicians  commit  a  great  mistake  when  they  deal  with 
the  bodies  of  their  patients  only.— Dr.  Benry  Gibbons,  Sr. 

Why,  ya-as  :  they'd  save  more  lives  by  giving 
less  medicine  and  more  tally.  But  they  would  lose 
a  great  many  diseases. 


THE    WASP 


MIKE'S     ANCESTORS, 


Chancing  to  pass  the  news-shop  at  the  north- 
east corner  of  Bush  and  Kearney  one  day  last 
week,  we  were  astonished  to  see  its  office  windows 
studded  with  a  number  of  gay,  confectionery-col- 
ored frames,  which  upon  closer  observation  proved 
to  be  stained-glass  panels.  Those  spectacle- 
rimmed  imitations  of  mediaeval  art  represented 
an  odd  lot  of  people  who  are  alleged  to  have  been 
connected  with  printing.  In  doubt  whether  that 
was  really  an  exhibition  of  pinchbeck  sestheticism  or 
the  framed  instruments  of  juvenile  astronomers, 
who,  not  caring  to  observe  another  transit  of  Ve- 
nus, had  thus  pooled  their  stock,  we  resolved  to 
interview  Mr.  de  "Young,  the  proprietor  and  man- 
ager of  that  exhibition.  Aware  of  his  diffidence 
to  be  interviewed  outside  of  Chicago,  and  intent 
to  make  him  tell  the  truth,  we  contrived  to  place 
himin  a  mesmeric  trance,  and  elicited thefollowing: 
"  Mike  " — he  loves  to  be  called  Mike — "  that 
stain-glass  business  is  a  little  ahead  of  anything  in 
this  town  ;  what  gave  you  the  idea  ?  " 

"  Well,  you  know,  stained  glass  is  an  excellent 
device  to  hide  corresponding  reputations,  so  I  got 
quite  a  lot  of  it.  I  bought  a  little  more  than  I 
could  use  in  my  new  glucose  mansion.  What 
could  have  been  the  design  of  a  kind  Providence 
in  permitting  that  I  thus  overstock  myself  unless 
it  were  to  destine  the  surplus  panels  to  secure  the 
privacy  of  my  down-town  shop  1 "  Henceforth  all 
our  business  will  be  strictly  confidential  and  pri- 
vrte,  except  our  family  tree." 

"  Family  tree  !  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 
"Ah,  yes,  to  be  sure,  I  have  not  explained.  You 
see,  when  I  was  in  Europe  I  found  out  that  every- 
body who  was  anybody  had  ancestors.  I  went  to 
a  good  deal  of  trouble  to  find  some  of  mine,  but  it 
was  no  use ;  so,  when  I  was  told  that  according  to 
the  theory  of  metempsychosis  I  must  have  sprung 
from  a  race  of  printers,  I  immediately  gave  orders 
for  panels  containing  pictures  of  those  who  are 
best  known.  And  thus  reverently  I  erected  those 
memorial-tablets  to  let  the  public  beware  that  I 
have  been  in  Europe,  and  to  prove  to  them  that  I 
know  the  correct  thing  about  ancestry.  I  can 
confidently  lay  my  hand  upon  my  heart  and  upon 
the  page  of  the  encyclopedia  which  gave  me  the 
information  which  I  thus  offer  gratis,  free  to  all. 
There  is,  first  of  all,  old  Petrarch,  the  poet  laure- 
ate and  friend  of  Geistinger — no,  I  mean  Boc- 
caccio, who  went  to  the  bad  for  a  girl  called 
Laura.  He  was  my  first  ancestor.  No.  2  is  poor 
old  Koster,  or  Coster,  now  of  Koster  &  Biale,  of 
New  York  beer-garden  fame.  I  don't  think  much 
of  him,  but  he  went  with  the  lot.  No.  3  is  Jo- 
hannes Gutenberg,  who  stole  the  invention  of  mov- 
able type-printing  from  old  Coster,  and  who  lived 
and  died  a  liar ;  another  of  my  ancestors.  My 
fourth  ancestor  was  Eaust,  who  went  to  the  devil 
in  five  tragedies,  and  three  operas  of  five  acts  each. 
No.  5  is  William  Caxton,  the  most  expensive  of 
my  ancestors,  for  I  was  obliged  to  buy  some  re- 
prints of  his  earlier  works  at  a  frightful  price,  but 
it  is  the  correct  thing  to  have  them  in  the  house. 
My  sixth  ancestor  is  Jean  Antoine  Nicolas  de  Con- 
docet,  whom  I  took  in  because  he  is  a  Frenchman, 
and  that  accounts  for  the  prefix  to  my  family 
name." 

"  The  prefix  1" 

"  Yes,  De  in  De  Young,  you  must  know,  that 
generally  intimates  noble  lineage,  a  title  and  that 
sort  of  thing.  Of  course  in  this  country  that  is 
not  much  of  an  advantage,  but  in  Europe  ! — in 
Europe  it  made  quite  a  stir.  In  New  York  I  saw 
a  whole  square  and  several  columns,  I  mean  stat- 
ues, dedicated  to  one  Ben  Franklin,  a  printer-man  ; 
so  I  selected  him  as  Ancestor  No.  7.  I  am  sorry 
that  he  was  not  born  abroad  ;  he  is  entirely  too 
well  known  here  for  one  of  my  ancestors. " 
"But  you  have  nine  panels  with  portraits  ?  " 
[Here  Mike  actually  blushed  in  spite  of  the 
trance.] 

"One  is  'Let  there  be  light  and  there  was 
light,'  Charles,  and  the  other  is  myself.  Particu- 
larly myself  ;  for  I  am  much  my  own  ancestor.  I 
am  a  self-made  manor — I  am  nothing." 

"  Are  you  going  to  write  up  your  family  his- 
tory ?  " 

"  Write  ?  I  never  write  a  line.  I  want  to  sell 
my  paper.  But  as  soon  as  the  Pop  party  have  left, 
I  shall  give  orders  to  have  it  done.  I  went  to  the 
He-raid  office  in  New  York  to  get  a  new  coat-of- 
arms  for  the  panels  of  my  coach.  They  know  me 
there ;  they  gave  me  for  the  field,  a  five-cent 
nickel ;   dexter,  a  leech  ;  sinister,  a  bullet ;    heart, 


a  coal-black  crow  ;  surmounted  by  a  crown  which 
looked  so  much  like  a  three-tined  pitchfork  bearing 
three  golden  balls  that  I  did  not  adopt  it. " 

Just  then  De  Young  awoke  from  the  trance,  and 
since  there  was  no  more  truth  to  be  had  from  him 
we  left. 


TWO    KINDS     OF     PROJECTORS. 

The  announcement  of  the  successful  completion 
of  the  Marine  Railway  at  Honolulu  suggests  a  com- 
parison between  its  projector  and  his  methods  and 
some  of  our  railway  projectors  and  their  methods. 
Mr.  S.  G.  Wilder  conceived  this  project  and  car- 
ried it  through  unaided  by  private  donations  or 
Government  subventions.  In  the  same  way  he  has 
worked  out  all  his  schemes,  supplementing  his  own 
capital  when  necessary  by  loans  contracted  on  his 
own  responsibility,  frequently  at  heavy  rates  of 
interest ;  and  without  repudiating  in  any  single  in- 
stance an  obligation  to  his  creditors  or  corrupting 
a  legislative  body.  Mr.  Wilder  is  the  pioneer  and 
controlling  spirit  in  nearly  all  the  important  com- 
mercial enterprises  of  the  Islands,  outside  the  sugar 
business,  Having  just  finished  the  first  railroad 
ever  built  there,  he  is  now  engaged  in  building 
another  to  skirt  the  island  of  Hawaii  and  still 
another  in  the  island  of  Oahu.  He  is  the  promoter 
and  creator  of  the  steam  commercial  service  among 
the  various  islands,  which  now  controls  the  car- 
rying trade  of  the  entire  group,  employing  no 
fewer  than  nine  or  ten  steamers  conjointly  with  a 
large  fleet  of  schooners.  He  has  now  in  this  city 
plans  and  specifications  for  a  1900-ton  steamer 
specially  adapted  to  freight  and  passenger  service. 

It  is  to  the  existence  of  such  men  as  Mr,  Wilder, 
more  than  to  any  kind  of  "favorable  conditions  " 
or  "geographical  position,"  that  nations  are  in- 
debted for  their  commercial  prosperity.  The  most 
"  favorable  condition  "  that  a  nation  can  have  is  a 
Wilder  ;  and  if  our  selfish  and  corrupt  Stanfords 
and  Crockers  could  have  been  replaced  twenty 
years  ago  by  men  of  his  quality  California  would 
have  been  a  long  stride  in  advance  of  where  she 
now  is.  The  vaunted  "genius"  and  "great  ex- 
ecutive ability  "  that  are  manifested  respectively 
in  persuading  bondholders  to  bear  the  cost  of  build- 
ing railways  and  compelling  the  Government  to  de- 
fray the  expense  of  operating  them,  while  the 
"genius"  and  "ability"  pocket  the  profits,  are 
somewhat  cheap  and  common  qualities.  If  a  Stan- 
ford do  not  "  get  in  ahead  "  and  display  them  for 
our  astonishment  and  admiration,  some  one  of  ten 
thousand  others  will  slide  up  to  perforin  that  ser- 
vice for  us  and  paralyze  our  understandings  with 
equal  success.  We  decidedly  prefer  the  kind  of 
enterprise  exhibited  by  Mr.  Wilder. 


The  Supreme  Court  has  ordered  a  writ  of  man- 
date to  issue  compelling  the  Election  Commission- 
ers to  prepare  for  a  charter  election.  The  circum- 
stance that  there  is  no  money  to  defray  the  expense 
is  one  with  which  the  Supreme  Court  has  nothing 
to  do.  In  what  sense  is  it  supreme  if  it  is  not  su- 
perior to  circumstances  ? 

"  I  have  here,"  said  a  French  Prefect,  "a  duly 
attested  medical  certificate  that  the  man  is  dead. 
The  law  requires  that  the  dead  be  buried  within 
forty-eight  hours.  I  must  beg  you  to  see  that  the 
law  is  observed  without  further  protestation. " 

"  But,  Monsieur  le  Prefect,  I  offer  you  a  certifi- 
cate that  the  man  has  been  resuscitated.  Under 
the  circumstances " 

"  Observe  if  you  please,  that  I  have  nothing  to 
do  with  circumstances,  and  the  law  does  not  pro- 
vide for  certificates  of  resuscitation.  Let  the  man 
be  buried  forthwith." 


Doctor  Coggswell  has  come  again  to  the  surface 
as  a  donor  of  fountains.  This  time  the  city  of 
San  Jose  is  the  fortunate  recipient  of  the  Doctor's 
benevolence.  The  motives  of  the  amiable  lunatic 
are  no  doubt  very  worthy,  but  in  a  community 
like  San  Jose,  where  water-drinking  is  almost  a 
forgotten  custom,  we  cannot  understand  how  his 
gift  will  be  appreciated.  And  then  the  Doctor's 
fountains  are  never  kept  in  order,  So  far  as  their 
utility  goes  they  might,  as  well  be  graven  images 
to  the  glory  of  Coggswell.  If  they  were  dry,  solid 
columns  of  granite  they  might  not  be  more  hollow 
mockeries  of  refreshment. 


Why  has  the  Chronicle  any  readers  ?  Because 
many  people  are  prudent  enough  to  keep  an  eye 
upon  their  enemies. 


New  Life 

is  given  by  using  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.  In  the 
Winter  it  strengthens  and 
warms  the  system;  in  the 
Spring  it  enriches  the  blood 
and  conquers  disease ;  in  the 
Summer  it  gives  tone  to  the 
nerves  and  digestive  organs ; 
in  the  Fall  it  enables  the 
system  to  stand  the  shock 
of  sudden  changes. 

In  no  way  can  disease  be 
so.  surely  prevented  as  by 
keeping  the  system  in  per- 
fect condition.  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  ensures  per- 
fect health  through  the 
changing  seasons,  it  disarms 
the  danger  from  impure 
water  and  miasmatic  air, 
and  it  prevents  Consump- 
tion, Kidney  and  Liver  Dis- 
ease, &c. 

H.  S.  Berlin,  Esq.,  of  the 
well-known  firm  of  H.  S. 
Berlin  &  Co.,  Attorneys,  Le 
Droit  Building,  Washing- 
ton, D.  C,  writes,  Dec.  5th, 
1881: 

Gentlemen:  I  take  pleas- 
ure in  stating  that  I  have  used 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters  for  ma- 
laria and  nervous  troubles, 
caused  by  overwork,  with 
excellent  results. 

Beware  of  imitations. 
Ask  for  Brown's  Iron  Bit- 
ters, and  insist  on  having 
it.  Don't  be  imposed  on 
with  something  recom- 
mended as  "Just  as  good." 
The  genuine  is  made  only 
by  the  Brown  Chemical  Co. 
Baltimore,  Md. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a -victim?  THEN  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney-Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
B  o  jt8  j  &C  ■For  complaints  peculiar 
laCllllvOi  to  your  sex,  such,  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

EitherSex.  Incontinence, retention  ofurine, 
brick  dust  or  ropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power. 
43-    SOLD  BY  ALL  DRUGGISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDMEY-AVORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Ig  a  certain  euro  for  KI5BVOUS  DEBILITY, 

LOST  MANHOOD,  and  ait  tbo  evil  effects  o( 
youthful  frillies  and  excises. 

DR.  DJISTIK.  who  is  a  regular  phy>u-:ian, 
graduate  of  the  1'uiverjtt.y  01  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  forTcit  Five  Hundred  Dollars  for 
acftseoftho  kiud  the  VITAL  KESTOttATIVB 
{ under  his  special  advice  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  th« 
qunutity,  S10.  Sent  to  any  addresa,  conn< 
deNtta1.lv,  by  A.  B.  MINTXE.  M.  D-,  No.  il 
Kearny  Street,  S.  F.     Send  for  pBraphlet. 

SAJ1PLE  B(»TTI,E  FREE  will  be  sent  to 
anr  one  applying  by  letter,  Mating  symptoms, 
sex  and  ace.   Strict  secrw  in  dl  transaction!- 


THE    WASP. 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steamer  of  this  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
Wharf,  San  Francisco,  for  ports  in  California,  Ore- 
gon, Washing-ton  and  Idaho  Territories,  British 
Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 
California  Southern  «'ousl  lEoute.-  The  Steainore  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  sail  every  five  days  at  9  A.  m.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angeles  and  San  Diego,  as  follows* 
ORIZABA,  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month.  ANCON.  flth.  I5th 
and  26th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  ANC.KLEN  Hails  ever} 
Wednesday  at  8  a.  m.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey,  San  Simeon,  Cay- 
ucos,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

lli.rish  i  •iliuuhja  ninl  Alaska  Itoule.  —  Steamship 
BOBEKA,  earthing  U.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland.  Oregon 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  caeh  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  \V.  T..  Wc- 
toria,  and  Nanaiino,  B.  C,  Fort  Wr&ngol,  Sitka  and  Ratrrisburg, 
Alaska,  connecting;  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  SOth  of  each  month. 

Victoria  and  V  n:«i  Sound  Boute.— The  StcamersGEO.  W. 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  BrittanicMajesty'eand  I  nited 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  2  p.  M. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  with  stvam boats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Vale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.  m.  on  the  9th,  19th  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  A.  it.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
[Note— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.)  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Guidk. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Itonte.—  The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co. 'a 
Express,  every*  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  a.  m.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  llninnoldt  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &.  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,  Ala da,  Newark,  snu   jo»e,  Los  Galaa, 

Gleawood,  Fellon  mid  .Nniun  <  ras. 

piCTURESQUK  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  V1KWS.  BIG  TREES: 
a.x™!'*S.  C'"ra   Vall'->.  Montun-y    Itiv.     Fnrt\   i.iik-.   iliurur  to 

hax«  u  buz  than  any  other  route.    Wo  change  of  cars:  no  duat. 

''•'I'"! "'  ;i'i'l  r"i'l  l.  .1  ii,  .i  .■!,..       !•  vssKNtiEKTUAINS  leave 

station,  foot,  of  M:irk.t  itii  situ  ,  .t 

8  .Ofl    ■>■  'I-.  'loll.  W'i'-t    S;m    l..,r,.|i/.,',  U',,t  San  1.,  umlrO,  BtU- 
■  UU  wulh,  .Mt,  Eden,  Alvarado,  Onus,  Newark,  Centervllle, 
Howry.,   Alviao,  agnewi,  -sum  Clara,  SAM  JOSE  l.->-  Oatoi, 

Alma,  Wrighte,  Highland,  Glon« I,  Doughertys, Fatten, Big Trooi 

and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arrivtae  L2M 

2 .Qfl  '"•  M.,  Hiiij  i:-i mi    Eden. Alvarado. Newark, Cen- 
iUU  terviUo,  Alvlso,  Agnew.,  Santa  Clam,  SAN  JOSE  and  Lot 

iy. 
ntermedi' 


Gates,    rbrougli  to  SANTA  CRUZ  every  Saturday. 

A'Qn   '"•  JI-  (Sn'Hlays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSF.  ami  ititt 

liOU  ate  stations. 


ON 


Siimliiyt),  S|M>r|stn 


EXCURSIONS 
Jose  "ii  Satorda 


Trillli,  1:80  A.  M  II.  turn  tmin 
5  r.  M.,  :irriv  Lx&A  ftt  Ban  Francisco,  7:35. 
SANTA   CRt  /-   AND   »2.50  Ti  *  SAN 

nl  Sundays,  tu  ri'turu   until  Mondu\  in- 


TO    OAKLAND    AND     1 1.  I  U  l.l»  \. 

§6:30— 7:30— 8:30—9:30— 10:30-11  ::«> A.M.  •■[1*2:30 — 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 4:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:80  P.  M. 

From  I  .Mirlf.  nlli  ami  tVrhsfcr  slmls,  Oakland— §6:57 
— §6:57— J:57— S:6&— 9:62— 10:52— tll;52A.  M.  12:52-1:52—2:52 
—3:52— 4:52— 5:62— -6:52 — 10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §0:45— 7:45— 8:35-9:35 
—10:35—1111:35  A.  M.  12:35— 1:35-2:35— 3:35— 4-35— 6:35— 6:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

(jDiuly,  Sundays  excepted.     If  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  292  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,  Oakland ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R,  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Qen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established 1856 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIAKD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H . 

Prices  20  per  cent.  Lower  tlinn  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 

US'  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "S» 

BILLIAEDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM  NOISE  -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  playerB  from  making  a  noise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHN  CKEAIIAN.CoHtineiilal  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
-Slperdoz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers. 

RUPTURE 

Kelieved  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  iniiict,  by 
Dr.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  bad  capes  before  and 
-after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  .  Assets,  (450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  InB. 

Co.,  New  York,      .      ..      .      "         141,000 
Office—  219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  OAL, 

14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Eluiwood.    (JleiiwoOd,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 


I) 


ON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Cheek  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  Jor  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


,  AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT. 
These  KEYS  are  Bold 
by  all  WATCHMUKEKS  and  JEWELF.K8  on  the  PAOIFIO 
0OA8T.    By  Mall,  25  Cents. 

'  BIRCH  &  CO.  36  Dey  street.  New  York. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AN  l»  ■ 

Oregon    Railway   and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    im..i  B    \M'  VARIED  ROUTBSfOF  I'lVF.i; 
Bail  TkansporM penetrate  all  Motions  ol  the  Pacific 

northwest,  uid  form    [n  «•**- 

i  n  Ibe  «  olnmbla    To  th<  Dalle*  Omatttla.  Pendleton,  Valla 
Vvtuja,   Dayton,  the  Palou*    Country,  Books  River  Polnl 


■ 


I  p  iii«-  ivimI  d'OrelUe  IM-.I-i.mi    ToAlnsworth 
Bpruue,  Spokane  Kails  Lake  Pend  d'Onllle,  and  .ill  points  in 

NOrtfal  rn  Idaho  and  Uoi  ' 

l  *•  the  iraiamette  Valley    To  Oregon  City,  Snlem,  and 

the  beautiful  oountr)  ol  smith,  rn  i  u 

l»o«  ii  ilu-  (  ului n    Through  the  most  piotureequi     ■    ■ 

rj  to  A-i.-n.  ruid  Intermediate  Pi 

Over  iu  Pugel  Sound    To Taooma,  Olympla,  Seattle,  Porl 
Townsend,  Victoria  and  BeUnshara  Bag     t  section  unrl 
if-  delightful  climate  and  chaiining  prospects, 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

llnlly  singes  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  Fork  Division, 
direct  for  MKkouIu  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 
Sup't  of  Trafflo,  Portland,  Oregon. 
Sim  Frandneo office    .'n  *ii«.iii^(»im.i  *  si. 


1863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


Fn 
mailed  on  receipt  of  10c. 
New  York. 


WHITING,  50  Nassau  Street, 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 

Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  optical  depot 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of   defective  vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. ^S 


Deutsche 

Apothcke. 

|  MALDONADO    PHARMACY, 
36  Geary  Street, 
EDWARD   NEUMANN, 

PHARMACIST  ami   CHEMIST. 

Farmnclc 

ItullllllU. 

1ARD  COLLECTORS.      A  handsome  set  of  cards  for    3-cent 
/  stamp.      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y. 


Merchant    Tailors. 


OUR  FUTURE   OOJ 


3TERED   BY   THIEVES 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGEICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  Ji^The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.    Eastern  office,  8S  Wall  street,  New  York. 

BHUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  S5.  Board,  per  week,  S4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £5TA11  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 

CLAUSS    &  WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  £&  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color-  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co. ,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 

aOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  B§T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  NO  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
83T  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

GW.  CHESLEY,  51  FRONT  STREET,  SACRA- 
mento,  Cal.,  importer  and  wholesale  liquor  dealer, 
•  sole  agents  for  the  genuine  Rock  and  Eye,  Maple 
Rum  and  the  famous  Cundurango  Bitters. 

HWACHHORST  (Signof  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
'  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  AST  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  Jstreet  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  CaL 

LE.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
CaL ,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
■  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
S3T  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer   of   Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     B8TA.  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  SZT  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 

STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2. 50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  iJSTThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

M.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


w 

1  ■     Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.     JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.    Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 

BURNHAM'S    ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.     ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     B@~  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  S5  to  $6.  Per  day,  Si  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  S3T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 

FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  BSS"  illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 

GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 

HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
■  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  CaL 

ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  S3T  Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  S500.000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  TJ.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 

THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 

ILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.     It  is  just  the  thing 

for  chopped  hands.     For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 

in  fancy  goods. 


Morris  &   Kennedy. 

19  and  &l  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 

flJC   -J-.-.   QQfl  per  day  at  h°me-    Samples  worth  S5  free. 
U>U    VKJ  U)£U  Address  Smsos  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  C.  JhLnorhes, 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.  Merchant  SAN   FRANCISCO. 


RESTORED. 


DR  .  L  1  E  B  I  G  ,  400  Geary  Street,  CONTINUES 
to  treat  successfully  every  form  of  Chronic  or  Special  Dis- 
ease without  mercury,  minerals  or  nauseous  drugs.  DR. 
LIEBIG'S  INYIGORiTOR  is  the  only  positive  and  perma- 
nent cure  for  nervous  and  physical  debility,  loss  of  manhood, 
weakness  and  all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  exces- 
ses and  youthful  follies  One  thousand  dollars  will  be  for- 
feited for  any  case  of  weakness  or  special  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  followed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
after  trying  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR.  LIEBIG'S 
INVIGORaTOR,  No.  2,  is  a  specific  for  prostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBIG  &  CO., 
No.  400  Geary  street,  corner  of  Mason  street,  San  Francisco. 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  eow 


k  New  Styles:  if  old  Beveled  Edge  and 

A  ChromoYisiting  Cards,  finest  quality \ 
f largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  SO 

^cJiromos  with  name.  10c,  a  present 

■;■■ nth  c( itv'i i/A/o';-.  (JixsTONliRos.it  Cu.,CllDtonville,Conn. 


cards; 


.  — >     *  DR.  «  *%    . 


Electric  Appliances  are  sent  on  30  Days'  Trial, 

TO  MEN  ONLY,  YOUNG  OR  OLD, 

WHO  are  suffering  from  Nervous  Debility, 
Lost  Vitality,  Lack  op  Nerve  Force  and 
Vigor,  Wasting  Weaknesses,  and  nil  those  diseases 
of  a  Personal  Nature  resulting  from  Abuses  and 
Other  Causes.  Speedy  relief  and  complete  resto- 
ration of  Health,  Vigor  and  Manuood  Guaranteed. 
The  grandest  discovery  of  the  Nineteenth  Century. 
Send  at  once  for  Illustrated  Pamphlet  free.    Address 

VOLTAIC  BELT  GO.,  MARSHALLlMICH 


A   Skin   of   Beauty   is   a   Joy   Forever. 
DR.    T.    FELIX    GOURAUD'S 

Oriental  Cream,  or  Magical  Beautifier, 

pURIFIES  AS  WELL  AS 
•*■  beautifies  the  skin, 
Removes  Tan,  Pimples, 
Freckles,  Moth-Patches, 
and  every  blemish  on  beau- 
ty, and  defies  detection.  It 
has  stood  the  test  of  thirty 
years,  and  is  so  harmless 
we  taste  it  to  be  sure  the 
preparation  is  properly 
made.  Accept  no  counter- 
feit of  similar  name.  The 
distinguished  Dr.  L.  A. 
Sayre,  said  to  a  lady  of  the 
haut  ton  (a  patient).  As 
you  ladies  will  use  cream,  I 
recommend  '  Gouracd's 
Cream  '  as  the  most  harm- 
less of  all  the  Skin  preparations."  One  bottle  will  last  six  months, 
using-  it  every  day.  Also,  Poudre  Subtile  removes  superfluous 
hair  without  injury  to  the  skin. 

Mmb.  M.  B.  T.  GOURAUD,  Sole  Prop.,  48  Bond  St.,  New  York. 
For  sale  by  all  Druggists  and  Fancy  Goods  Dealers  throughout  the 
United  States,  Canada  and  Europe.  eow 


623 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
Francisco— Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
sof  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
imake  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Persons  at  a'dis'tance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


I  CURE  FITS 


When  I  say  euro,  I  do  not  mean 
merely  to  stop  them  for  a  time  and 
then  have  them  return  again,  I 
_  mean  a  radical  cure.  I  have  made 
the  disease  of  PITS,  EPILEPSY  or  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  life-long 
study.  I  warrant  my  remedy  toenre  the  worst  cases.  Because  others 
have  failed  is  no  reason  for  nor  now  receiving  a  cure.  Send  at  once 
for  a  treatise  and  a  Free  Bottli>  of  my  Infallible  remedy.  Wive  Express 
and  Post  Office.  It  ensts  you  notlilntr  for  a  trial,  nndlwiUcare  you. 
Address  Dr.  H.  G.  ROOT,  183  Pearl  Street,  New  York. 


THE     WASP. 


11 


MILES     O1     P1CTERS. 

••  The  San  Francisco  Art  Association"  is  a  delu- 
sive title.  Rambling  through  their  roo 
week  one  would  have  noticed  such  a  badly-ar- 
ranged, queer  l«>t  of  pictures,  that  the  display 
Looked  like  the  nightmare  of  a  bilhticker,  or  like 
the  decoration  of  a  lunatic  asylum  by  its  patients. 
There  were  contusions  in  black-and-falue,  and  rav- 
ings in  yellow  ochre;  tropical  horrors  and  dropsi- 
cal Niagaras  ;  several  degrees  of  poisoned  pup  and 
some  freaks  in  cattle.  There  were  some  paint 
which  resembled  tiowers,  and  some  still-life  which 
resembled  paint;  some  convalescent  landscape, 
and  some  hopelessly  incurable  architecture ;  in 
short,  a  convivial  dissipation  of  canvas  and 
color.  It  resembles  the  seedy  individual  who 
pleads  guilty  before  the  police  court  on  a  Mon- 
day morning,  and  promises  never  to  do  so  any 
more  if  he  is  let  off  this  time.  Those  paintings 
recall  the  beggars  at  the  church  door  who  display 
all  their  decrepitudes  and  deformities,  so  they 
might  excite  the  pity  which  is  necessary  to  gain 
them  a  penny. 

If  it  were  not  that  the  Art  Association  is  in  a 
manner  responsible  for  the  display  of  such  work, 
since  they  lend  their  name  and  whatever  prestige 
they  have  to  advertise  the  sale  of  it,  that  collec- 
tion would  be  beneath  notice.  The  Art  Associa- 
tion is  an  institution  dependent  upon  public  con- 
tributions, under  the  guise  of  membership ;  the 
contributors  furnish  their  mite  under  the  impres- 
sion that  the  Art  Association  exists  for  no  other 
purpose  than  that  of  promoting  the  interests  of 
true  art.  There  are  now  at  their  roooms  upwards 
of  eighty  pupils,  for  the  most  part  inexperienced 
and  unsophisticated  young  women,  who  believe  in 
the  dignity  and  respectability  of  the  institution. 
Those  eighty  pupils  were  obliged  to  pass  through 
the  room  where  that  collection  of  horrors  is  ac- 
cumulated. Whar  sort  of  impression  was  that 
likely  to  make  upon  them  ?  Should  they  look 
upon  that  exhibition  as  works  of  true  art,  worthy 
of  their  emulation,  or  should  they  consider  the 
management  of  the  Art  Association  an  imposition 
upon  their  credulity  ? 

It  is  not  easy  to  combine  "trade"  with  the 
aesthetics,  but  it  is,  under  all  circumstances,  in- 
cumbent upon  every  one  to  be  passably  honest  and 
decent.  That  exhibit  at  the  Art  Rooms  is  neither 
the  one  nor  the  other.  An  auctioneer  praises 
those  daubs  in  the  semi-professional  jargon  of  his 
class,  and  the  public,  attracted  by  the  announce- 
ment that  the  sale  takes  place  at  the  rooms  of  the 
Art  Association,  flocked  to  hear  him,  were  de- 
ceived by  the  glare  of  cheap  trumpery,  by  artfully 
arranged  light,  by  boeus  bids,  and  became  unrea- 
sonable enough  to  acquire  some  of  those  rascally 
emanations  of  depraved  taste.  Let  the  Art  Asso- 
ciation forthwith  discountenance  any  such  practice 
in  their  name,  or  else  assume  the  just  stigma  of 
being  accessory  to  the  fraud. 


SENATOR      FAIR. 


The  ChrottK-h'  makes  a  meanly  malicious  attack 
on  Senator  Fair  anent  the  Hale  &  Xorcross  flurry 
in  the  stock  market.  Thegistof  the  Chronicle's  charge 
is  that  Senator  Fair  knew  that  the  deal  in  Hale  & 
Norcross  was  going  to  be  made,  kept  quiet  until  it 
was  made,  and  after  it  was  all  over  disclaimed  all 
connection  with  it.  Our  disesteemed  contempo- 
rary is  a  tritie  exacting.  If  Senator  Fair  is  to 
disavow  all  the  swindles  with  which  it  may  be 
sombody's  pleasure  to  connect  his  name,  and  do  it 
with  such  opportune  timeliness  that  nobody  will 
go  in  and  get  left,  he  will  have  to  be  very  alert 
indeed.  It  will  be  necessary  for  him  to  employ  a 
very  large  number  of  brisk  and  sharp-eyed  corre- 
spondents all  over  the  country  to  telegraph  him 
immediately  when  a  deal  is  being  put  up  in  some- 
body's back  office,  in  order  that  he  may  promptly 
get  up  in  the  middle  of  the  night  to  repudiate  it. 
And  then  the  smarties  would  copper  his  repudia- 
tion and  get  left  worse  than  they  would  otherwise 
have  done,  and  squeal  a  trifle  shriller.  The  Chron- 
icle affirms  that  Mr.  Fair  is  absent  from  his  duties 
at  Washington  "for  no  other  reason  that  the  pub- 
lic can  imagine  "  than  to  look  after  his  private 
mining  interests.  He  is  absent  because  he  is  a 
very  sick  man— too  ill  to  concern  himself  with 
either  public  or  private  affairs.  Our  prevaricating 
contemporary  knows  that  as  well  as  we.  The 
fatherly  advice  to  a  United  States  Senator  to  drop 
every  thing  "mean  and  sordid"  b  his  past  life 
and  rise  to  the  moral  level  of  his  surroundings  is 


good.     Egad  :  it  a  delicious.     The  moral  level  of  a 
Senator's  surroundings  is,  we  take   it, 
high    to    a     duck— say   a     lame   duck     lik 
'I"  ^  oung. 


AN    AWFUL     EXAMPLE, 


Some  years  ago  Mr.  Joseph   Tilden  was  a  quiet. 
elderly  gentleman  with   little  local  celebrity,  save 
'  eing  and  h  ■■  ■■!  liver.     In  an  evil 

hour  he  submitted  t..  the  persuasion  of  the  lateCol- 
onel  Cremony  and  consented  private^ 
thirty  quails  on  thirty  consecutive  days.  The  feat 
was  one  of  easiest  performance  to  Mr.  Tilden,  but 
Colonel  Cremony,  envious  of  his  friend's  gallic  su- 
periority, bruited  the  story  in  convivial  circles  till 
the  unfortunate  quail-eater's  prowess  became  town 
talk.  Mr.  Tilden  had  his  revenge,  for  he  encour- 
aged his  friend  to  drink  white  wine  when  red  might 
have  prolonged  his  life.  But  the  evil  men  d"  lives 
often  after  them,  and  the  Colonel's  joke  on  his 
friend  became  a  wierd  contagion.  Doctors  and 
lawyers  and  newspaper  men  essayed  to  emulate 
Mr.  Tilden.  All  failed  and  all  declared  that  the 
vaunted  Hrst  feat  had  been  a  sell.  Taunted  to 
desperation  Mr.  Tilden  determined  to  set  the  mat- 
ter forever  at  rest  by  duplicating  his  performance 
in  public.  Friends  of  the  great  gastronome  ar- 
ranged the  details,  and  the  dining-room  of  the 
Bohemian  Club  was  made  the  scene  of  action.  As 
all  well  informed  San  Franciscans  know,  the  feat 
was  thoroughly  successful.  But  it  was  not  meant 
that  the  story  should  leave  the  city.  It  chanced, 
however,  that  Mr.  Fred.  Somera,  at  one  time  a  pro- 
prietor of  the  Argonaut,  left  this  city  for  New  York 
last  year.  In  an  unguarded  moment  that  gentle- 
man told  the  story  to  Mr.  Sam  Ward.  Within  a 
week  thereafter  Mr.  Ward  had  arranged  a  quail- 
eating  bout  at  one  of  the  New  York  dining  clubs. 
Since  that  unhappy  occasion  New  York  has  gone 
gastronomically  daft.  The  prize  maniac  of  the 
great  metropolis  is  now  striving  to  eat  two  quails 
daily  and  seems  likely  to  cause  Mr.  Tilden  to  hide 
his  diminished  abdomen  in  the  folds  of  its  capon 
lining. 

Among  the  Bunkers — and  the  family  is  a  large 
one — the  Bunker  who  makes  the  sausages  and  the 
Bunker  who  fleeces  the  emigrant  have  quarreled. 
The  former Bunkerdeclares that  although  pork  ishis 
specialty  he  is  not  so  pig-headed  as  the  Bunker 
who,  after  making  a  neat  clean-up  on  the  iniigra- 
tion  scheme,  quietly  awaited  investigation  and  ar- 
rest. Xow  the  sausage  Bunker  shows  himself  a 
gentleman  of  wit,  as  well  as  an  honest  man,  about 
whose  premises  domestic  animals  may  be  as  safe  as 
on  the  roof  or  in  the  kennel.  Why  Immigration 
Commission  Bunker  did  not  light  out  while  he  had 
the  opportunity  is  the  problem  that  puzzless  every 
one.  He  forfeits  all  the  sympathy  which  the  con- 
sideration of  the  ingenious  manner  of  his  fee  col- 
lections might  have  won  him.  The  next  thing  to 
a  clever  piece  of  rascality  is  the  getting  away  with 
the  swag.  And  in  this  quality  Mr.  Bunker,  now 
in  quod,  has  shown  himself  most  lamentably  defi- 
cient ;  and  his  namesake  of  the  sausage  shop  is 
properly  ashamed  of  him. 


Governor  Stoneman  is  going  in  for  economy  with 
a  double-distilled  energy,  therefore  the  profits  of 
every  office  connected  with  the  State  capital  have 
been  sadly  cut  down.  All  the  nice,  fat  clerkships 
have  been  clipped  of  their  emoluments,  and  it 
really  looks  as  if  employees  were  to  get  not  one 
more  cent  than  they  earn.  And  as  yet  the  jobs 
have  been  so  few,  the  lobbying  so  dull  and  the  old 
plump  bonanzas  so  bashful  that  unless  some  change 
takes  place  the  legislators  themselves  will  not  be 
able  to  reckon  up  a  single  perquisite  in  addition 
to  their  salaries. 

TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS. 


At  the  Baldwin  Theater  the  well-deserved  success  of 
Esmeralda  augurs  well  for  Bronson  Howard's  Young 
Mrs.  Winthrop,  which  will  be  performed  for  the  first  time 
in  San  Francisco  on  Monday  evening  next.  Tne  careful 
and  conscientious  representation  of  Esmeralda  is  a  guar- 
antee for  the  manner  in  which  the  play  which  succeeds  it 
will  be  presented.  It  is  fair  to  presume  that  Young  Mrs 
Winthrop  will  prove  not  merely  satisfactory,  but  a  com- 
plete success.  The  plot  is  simply  a  phase  of  every-day 
life,  but  is  sufficiently  interesting  in  its  development  to 
make  the  people  who  move  in  it  quite  sympathetic,  aside 
from  the  exquisite  dialogue,  which  is  thoroughly  enjoyable. 
"Mr.  and  Mrs.  Winthrop."  a  young  couple,  find  them- 


p  by  -tv[>  drift  tfaaorbed 

by  business,  unwitting  bis  home;  the 

lually  finds  .1  oampeiutation  for  the  Lack  of  his 
company  in  a   vortex  >>i  fri  \  crusty 

lawyer  with  a  iterling  heart,  and  .1  giddy  nidov  who 
marries  f->r  the  ieoond  time,  form  the  comedy  plot,  and 

I  licationfl  arising  from  their  divergent  endeavors 
to  -et  things  right  are  amusing  in  the  extreme.   Thii  play 

and  its  repr ntation  nave  met  with  great  favor  in  the 

'  management  take  a  pride 

in  presenting  it  here  with  almost  the  entin 

A  notable  event  "f  the  past  week  was  the  fir*t  appear- 
ance in  an  English  part  <<f  Ume.  Elmenreich,  the  well- 
known  and  highly  talented  German  actress.  It  in  unfor- 
tunate that  that  lady  has  identified  herself  with  so  un- 
popular a  management  that  even  such  niperioi  efforts  as 
her  "  Camille  "  and  "  Marie  Stuart  "  are  insufficient  to 
procure  for  them  more  than  pitifully  small  aud 
The  echoes  of  past  managerial  failures  seem  to  fill  tin* 
California  Theater  bo  completely  that  the  spirit  of  its 
"langsyne"  success  stubbornly  refuses  to  rise  from  the, 
misty  deep.  This  is  to  he  regretted  in  behalf  of  Mine. 
Elmenreich,  who  has  demonstrated  by  her  highly  artistia 
performance  of  "  Camille  "  that  she  is  worthy  to  take 
high  rank  among  her  English  sisters  in  the  dramatic 
profession.  Her  representation  of  that  part  disci — a 
degree  of  originality  which  denotes  deep  and  intelligent 
study  of  its  character.  Her  remarkable  control  of  the 
great  difficulties  of  English  pronunciation  imply  an 
amount  of  will-power  and  patient  industry  which  ought 
to  meet  with  proper  recognition.  It  is  true  she  can  not 
as  yet  be  justly  called  a  "great"'  actress,  from  the 
English  standpoint;  her  constant  application  of  "  Ger- 
man "  elocution  gives  her  performance  a  strange,  un- 
English  color,  and  occasionally  we  catch  such  peculiari- 
ties as  "  muzt  "  for  must;  "  enknown  "  for  unknown  ; 
"  pezzle  "  for  puzzle,  and  such  inflections  as  desperate  for 
desperate— all  of  which  may  or  may  not  be  polished 
away  by  the  attrition  of  future  experience.  But  aside 
from  that,  her  performance  has  many  prominent  fea- 
tures bordering  upon  greatness.  "  Canaille's  "  frivolity 
and  waywardness,  the  lights  and  shadows  of  her  affec- 
tion, her  growing  fondness  and  grand  passion  are  drawn 
with  the  delicacy  and  precision  of  a  true  artist.  The 
interview  with  her  lover's  father  is  a  powerful  delineation 
of  passionate  emotion  ;  the  ballroom  scene  is  a  remarkable 
study  of  facial  expression  ;  her  surprise,  her  terror,  her 
despair  are  so  natural,  so  real,  that  the  sympathy  is 
thoroughly  aroused.  Her  death  scene  is  devoid  of  the 
objectionable  harrassing  details  of  pulmonary  consump- 
tion, but  is  very  affecting  in  its  simplicity,  and  ends  in  a 
manner  quite  original  to  the  English  stage.  The  charm 
of  her  performance  consists  in  her  by-play  ;  little  artistic 
touches  elaborate  her  every  motion,  and  graceful  action 
seconds  appropriately  the  flow  of  her  speech.  Such  little 
incidents  as  the  finding  of  her  book  of  accounts,  the 
dusting  of  it  before  she  hands  it  to  "  I><=  Varville,"  make 
the  point  of  her  incorrect  statement  of  her  indebtedness, 
together  with  her  query,  whether  she  has  not  kept  her 
accounts  with  scrupulous  care,  a  very  agreeable  and  hu- 
morous shading,  lime.  Elmenreich  has  undoubtedly  a 
brilliant  career  before  her,  and  though  she  may  be  an 
unmitigated  failure  at  the  California  Theater,  she  is 
bound  to  meet  with  proper  recognition  under  a  different 
management. 

To-morrow  evening  Adolph  Link  will  appear  at  the 
California  Theater  in  the  German  comedy-burlesqe^  Run- 
away  Wives.  The  comedian  will  be  new  to  his  audience, 
but  he  brings  endorsements  that  should  win  him  a  wel- 
come. If  he  be  half  so  good  as  the  critics  of  Eastern 
towns  say  he  is,  the  Genii  an -speaking  theater-goers  of 
this  city  are  in  luck. 

Mrs.  Blake-Alverson,  a  lady  who  has  upon  many  occa- 
sions volunteered  her  services  in  assistance  of  worthy  ob- 
jects, announces  a  benefit  concert  to  take  place  at  Piatt's 
Hall  on  the  evening  of  February  16th.  A  good  pro- 
gramme  and  her  excellent  reputation  as  an  artist  ought  to 
611  the  hall  to  overflowing. 

The  subscription  list  for  the  Thomas  Orchestral  '  'onci  rta 
is  now  open. 

Pop  at  the  Bush  Street  Theater  will  give  way  to  Mn 
Sweetheart  ;  Traviata  at  the  Tivoli  has  retired  in  favor  of 
Offenbach's  Bridgt  of  Sighs;  and  Emerson's  Minstrels 
will  continue  to  dish  up  Bath  for  the  amusement  of  the 
public. 

Saturday,  February  10th,  the  members  of  Verein  Ein- 
tracht  are  prepared  to  meet  their  friends  at  the  Mechan- 
ics' Pavilion  amid  the  maze  and  fun  of  a  grand  masked 
ball. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


THE    UNUSUAL    CLERGYMAN. 


It  has  always  seemed  remarkable  how  quick  a 
story  to  the  detriment  of  a  truly  good  man  will 
spread  after  it  once  gets  started.  It  seems  as 
though  the  winds  took  it  up  and  sent  it  broadcast 
like  thistledown,  and  every  seed  thus  scattered 
takes  root  and  grows  more  noxious  weeds  of  scan- 
dal ;  and  though  there  may  not  be  a  particle  of 
truth  in  the  first  story,  the  victim  is  on  the  rack 
all  the  time,  and  any  explanation  he  may  make  of 
his  conduct  is  laughed  at,  and  people  wink  at  each 
other  and  say,  "it  won't  wash,"  "it  is  too  thin,'' 
and  other  remarks  that  are  discouraging.  The 
other  day  the  dispatches  announced  that  a  truly 
good  Baptist  minister  of  Racine  had  fallen  from 
grace,  and  the  story  was  that  he  had  entered  the 
room  of  his  servant  girl.  Then  there  was  a  com- 
mittee to  investigate,  and  everything  was  excite- 
ment. Finally  the  minister  made  his  statement, 
which  was  that  he  came  home  from  church  at  mid- 
night, where  he  had  been  writing  his  sermon,  and 
in  passing  the  room  of  his  hired  girl  he  noticed 
that  the  door  was  open,  and  it  being  a  cold  night 
it  occurred  to  him  that  she  might  be  suffering  from 
the  cold  and  he  went  in  and  approached  the  bed 
and  felt  to  see  if  she  had  bedclothing  enough  over 
her.  He  asked  her  if  she  had  enough  covering, 
and  she  said  she  had  not,  and  he  put  his  overcoat 
over  her  and  went  away.  At  the  investigation 
the  hired  girl  corroborated  the  statement  of  the 
truly  good  man,  and  the  investigation  was  ended, 
and  the  reputation  of  the  good  man,  which  had 
been  so  nearly  tarnished,  was  as  white  as  snow. 
The  girl's  conduct  shows  that  there  was  nothing 
mean  about  her.  How  easy  it  would  have  been 
for  her  to  have  given  him  away,  or  "bear  false 
witness,"  as  the  good  Book  would  say.  But  now 
that  the  explanation  of  the  good  man  is  so  clear, 
and  his  kind  heart  is  shown  to  such  good  advant- 
age, instead  of  giving  him  a  reception  there  are 
lots  of  worldly  wretches  who  will  not  believe  it. 
They  do  not  know  by  experience  the  feelings  of 
a  truly  good  man,  who  would  suffer  if  he  knew  his 
hired  girl  was  not  warm.  Some  men  are  so  heart* 
less  that  they  never  give  a  thought  to  whether  the 
hired  girl  has  clothes  enough  on  her  bed,  and  girls 
might  freeze  for  all  they  care.  Such  men  would 
say  that  if  girls  had  not  got  sense  enough  to  put' 
clothes  on  her  bed  to  keep  warm  it  was  not  the 
place  of  the  man  of  the  house  to  go  prowling 
around  her  bedroom  at  midnight,  throwing  over- 
coats, hoop-skirts,  corsets  and  petticoats  on  the 
bed  to  bank  them  up.  Instead  of  censuring  the 
minister  for  his  seeming  gall  in  going  into  the 
room,  worldly  people  should  follow  his  example, 
and  when  they  go  home  at  midnight  go  right  to 
the  hired  girl's  room  and  see  if  she  has  got  bed- 
clothes enough  over  her.  Yet  many  girls  who 
work  for  a  living  know  about  as  well  how  much 
bedclothes  they  can  carry  as  the  average  minister 
or  worldly  man,  and  they  will  not  stand  a  great 
deal  of  such  nonsense,  but  if  it  is  the  proper  thing 
for  the  clergy  to  do  everybody  wants  to  know  it. 
We  have  heard  of  hired  girls  who  would  have 
knocked  the  sermon  completety  out  of  that  truly 
good  man,  and  stood  him  on  his  head  in  the  hall, 
and  poured  dirty  water  down  his  trousers  legs;  and 
then  there  are  others  who  would  have  kept  him 
piling  on  clotheB  until  it  was  time  to  get  up  and 
build  a  fire  and  get  breakfast.  On  general  princi- 
ples it  is  a  safe  course  of  conduct  for  the  average 
minister,  as  well  as  the  average  worldly  man,  to 
not  yearn  to  find  out  whether  the  hired  girls  have 
bedclothes  eno  i'.gh  on  their  beds.  They  are  gene- 
rally endowed  by  nature  with  sufficient  intelligence 
to  know  whether  they  are  cold  or  not,  and  if  they 
need  more  they  know  where  the  extra  bedclothes 
are  kept.  While  the  Sun  believes  in  supporting 
ministers  in  everything  they  do,  and  believes  them 
to  be  actuated  in  all  their  charitable  enterprises  by 
tha  kindest  feelings,  it  desires  to  point  out  to 
them  the  danger  of  going  too  far,  especially  in  a 
hired  girl's  room.  "  Charity  covereth  a  multitude 
of  hired  girls,"  or  words  to  that  effect,  but  the  or- 
dinary run  of  wicked  and  perverse  citizens  are 
liable  to  think  that  the  minister  has  cannister  mo- 
tives when  he  goes  to  their  apartments  at  midnight 
and  leave  his  coat,  and  a  life  of  pious  endeavor 
cannot  get  it  out  of  their  minds.  As  the  Psalmist 
says,  "It  is  better  that  a  thousand  hired  girls 
shall  have  cold  feet,  than  that  one  minister  shall 
get  into  the  wrong  pew. "     Selah  !— Peck's  San, 


B@~  For  one  dime  get  a  package  of  Diamond  Dyes  at  the 
druggist's.  They  color  anything  the  simplest  and  most 
desirable  colors. 


FIRE  I 

An     Important     Correspondence. 


On  the  23d  of  January  the  Board  of  Underwriters,  by 
their  President,  Vice-President  and  Secretary,  addressed 
a  communication  to  the  President  of  the  Spring  Valley 
Water  Works,  directing  his  attention  to  the  peril  of  the 
city  in  case  of  a  water  famine — now  threatened. 
They  reminded  him  that  the  water  supply  of  the  city 
could  be  doubled  by  raising  the  da.n  of  the  Crystal 
Springs  reservoir  and  connecting  that  artificial  lake  with 
the  city  by  an  independent  pipe  line,  instead  of  pumping 
from  it  into  the  otherwise  dry  Pillarcitos  system.  They 
affirmed  that  the  supply  pipes  in  the  southeastern  part  of 
the  city  are  altogether  inadequate  in  capacity  for  the  pro- 
tection of  that  section  against  fires.  They  asked  him 
why  his  company  did  not  enlarge  the  capacity  of  the 
Crystal  Springs  reservoir,  connect  it  with  the  city  and 
increase  the  size  of  the  mains?"  In  conclusion  they  re- 
minded him  that  at  the  time  when,  pursuant  to  his  com- 
pany's request,  a  committee  of  their  Board  made  a  long 
and  exhaustive  examination  of  the  city's  water  supply, 
their  opinion  of  its  adequacy  was  based  upon  the  suppo- 
sition that  what  is  now  recommended  would  be  done,  and 
upon  the  company's  assurance  that  any  reasonable  re- 
quest of  the  Underwriters  would  be  complied  with. 

Mr.  Charles  Webb  Howard,  the  President  of  the  Spring 
Valley  Water  Works,  being  absent,  Mr.  Oliver  Eldridge, 
the  Vice-President,  has  written  a  courteous  reply  to  the 
Underwritars,  giving  a  number  of  what  he  esteems  good 
and  sufficient  reasons  why  his  company  has  not  made  the 
improvements  suggested — improvements  which  he  says 
would  entail  an  expense  of  from  §1,500,000  to  $2,000,000. 
Says  Mr.   Eldridge  : 

"  When  Mr.  Howard  addressed  your  Board  in  1878, 
the  relations  of  the  Spring  Valley  Water  Works  to  San 
Francisco  were  widely  different  from  those  now  existing  ; 
then  the  statute  under  which  we  were  incorporated  ref 
quired  our  rates  to  be  fixed  by  a  Board  of  five  Commis- 
sioners, two  appointed  by  the  city,  two  by  the  company, 
and  the  fifth  by  the  other  four  ;  and  that  we  should  fur- 
nish water  free  in  case  of  fire  and  other  great  necessity. 
The  Commissioners  fixed  our  rates  fairly,  reduced  them 
when  justified,  and  the  company  furnished  free  water  as 
required. 

"'  Had  these  conditions  continued  your  present  appre- 
hensions and  investigations  would  have  been  unnecessary, 
because  the  improvements  and  precautions  you  have  sug- 
gested would  have  been  made  and  provided  for  by  this 
company. 

"  JVoic,  the  Constitution  of  1879  has  widely  changed 
the  pre-existing  conditions — our  franchise  has  been  sub- 
jected to  a  heavy  tax  on  an  assessment  of  S5, 000,000,  a 
tax  which  which  was  imposed  only  upon  the  water  and 
gas  corporations,  all  other  corporations  escaping.  Our 
rates  have  been  subjected  to  the  control  of  consumers, 
through  their  political  agents,  the  Board  of  Supervisors  ; 
political  parties  have  pledged  their  candidates  to  a  re- 
duction of  20  per  cent.,  of  25  per  cent.,  of  33£  per  cent., 
and  to  an  indefinite  material  reduction." 

There  seems  to  be  a  certain  cogency  in  this,  and  when 
Mr.  Eldridge  goes  on  to  show  that  under  the  Constitu- 
tion and  a  decision  of  the  Supreme  Court  his  company  is 
entitled  to  pay  for  all  the  water  supplied  to  the  city  for 
the  extinction  of  fires,  but  that  it  is  unable  to  get  a  cent, 
he  makes  out  a  pretty  strong  case  against  the  policy  of 
investing  an  additional  million  or  two  in  that  kind  of 
hopes,  however  gratifying  to  him  it  might  be  to  diminish 
the  risks  of  the  Underwriters.  The  effect  of  excluding  the 
water  company  from  all  control  of  its  rates,  and  permit- 
ting its  customers,  through  their  official  agents,  to  fix  the 
prices  they  shall  pay,  is  shown  as  follows  : 

"  The  present  annual  gross  income  of  the  company  is 
•SI, 325,049  55,  and  it  is  supplying  on  the  average  daily 
15,214,000,  while  in  1877  its  income  was  $1,364,253,  and 
its  average  daily  supply  but  11,941,000  gallons.  Thus,  as 
we  have  increased  the  supply  and  service,  and  necessarily 
the  cost,  we  find  that  the  authorities  add  to  our  taxes,  di- 
minish our  rates  and  withhold  from  us  the  payments  due 
by  the  city.  It  is  a  plain  business  proposition  that  with 
the  continuation  of  that  policy  it  is  only  a  question  of 
time  when  Spring  Valley  will  be  without  revenue  and  San 
Francisco  without  water.  *  *  *  * 

"  If  matters  had  been  fairly  adjusted  between  the 
water  company  and  the  city,  we  should  by  this  time  have 
nearly  doubled  the  supply  ;  but  if  we  obtain  a  less  reve- 
nue from  a  supply  of  15,214,000  gallons  daily  than  from  a 
supply  of  11,941,000  gallons,  the  question  naturally  arises 
as  to  how  much  less  we  will  receive  when  we  increase  our 
supply  to  25,000,000  gallons  daily.  * 

"  If  we  are  to  stand  in  dread  of  hostilitv  and  wrong  at 
the  hands  of  the  Supervisors,  of  the  timid  and  unjust 
veto  power  of  the  Mayor,  of  the  dogmatic  exercise  of  ad- 
ministrative power  by  the  Auditor,  and  of  the  hostile 
influence  of  the  press  to  create  popular  prejudice,  it 
would  be  a  senseless  foliy  for  this  company  to  expend 
further  capital  in  extending  its  works,  and  thus  to  place 
itself  in  jeopardy  of  more  serious  injury." 

Mr.  Eldridge  concludes  thus  : 

((  Our  action  in  the  future,  with  reference  to  the  im- 
provements you  suggest,  will  depend  upon  the  city  au- 


thorities ;  and  as  we  have  no  control  over  our  own  rates, 
and  cannot  estimate  with  any  degree  of  certainty  as  to 
whether  we  will  receive  an  income  which  will  warrant  in- 
creased expenditures,  we  respectfully  refer  you  to  the 
Board  of  Supervisors." 

Acting  on  this  suggestion  the  Underwriters  have  laid 
the  whole  correspondence  before  the  Board  of  Supervi- 
sors, and  we  shall  soon  have  an  opportunity  to  "see  what 
we  shall  see."  It  is  not  quite  clear  that  the  Supervisors 
have  the  power  to  remove  the  principal  grievances  of 
which  Mr.  Eldridge  complains — the  non-payment  of  the 
company's  just  demands,  (for  former  Boards  have  voted 
their  payment  ineffectually),  and  the  re-establishment  of 
the  regime  which  gave  the  company  a  voice  in  fixing  the 
rates,  and  did  not  tax  its  franchise— for  the  Supervisors 
cannot  set  aside  the  Constitution.  As  matters  stand  the 
outlook  is  gloomy  for  San  Francisco,  wherever  the  fault 
lies.  It  may  not  be  easy  for  the  Supervisors  to  determine 
just  what  ought  to  be  done,  aud  what  they  have  the 
power  to  do,  but  it  was  not  stipulated  that  they  should 
have  an  easy  time  ;  they  were  elected  to  look  out  for  our 
interests  under  the  Constitution  and  laws  as  they  exist. 
It  is  not  too  much  to  demand  that  they  take  immediate 
steps  to  protect  us  from  peril  by  fire. 


A  NOTED  RUT  UNTITLED  WOMAN. 

[From  the  Boston  Globe.] 


Hc&sr3.  Editors : — 

The  above  is  a  pood  likeness  of  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pink, 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mass.,  who  above  all  other  human  beings 
may  be  truthfully  called  the  "Dear  Friend  of  Woman," 
as  some  of  her  correspondents  love  to  call  her.  She 
is  zealously  devoted  to  her  work,  which  is  the  outcome 
of  a  life-study,  and  is  obliged  to  keep  six  lady 
assistants,  to  help  her  anBwer  the  large  correspondence 
which  daily  pours  in  upon  her,  each  bearing  its  special 
burden  of  suffering,  or  joy  at  release  from  it.  Her 
Vegetable  Compound  is  a  medicine  for  good  and  not 
evil  purposes.  I  have  personally  investigated  it  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

On  account  of  its  proven  merits,  It  Is  recommended 
and  prescribed  by  the  best  physicians  in  the  country. 
One  says :  "  It  works  like  n,  charm  and  saves  much 
pain.  It  will  cure  entirely  the  worst  form  of  falling 
of  the  uterus,  Leucorrhcea,  irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation, all  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
Ulceration,  Floodings,  all  Displacements  and  the  con- 
sequent spinal  weakness,  and  is  especially  adapted  to 
the  Change  of  life." 

It  permeates  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  vigor.  It  removes  faintness,  flatulency, 
destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervous  Prostration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Dapression  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down,  causing  pain,  weight  and  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  16  will  at  all  times,  and 
under  all  circumstances,  act  in  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  gl.  per  bottle  or  six  for  g5.,  and  is  sold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  required  as  to  special  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  stamp  for  reply, 
at  her  home  in  Lynn,  Mass. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compound  Is 
unsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonials  show. 

"Mrs.  Pinkham's  Liver  Pills,"  says  onewriter,  "ore 
the  best  in  the  world  for  the  cure  of  Constipation, 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  livei.  Her  Blood 
Puriflerworks  wonders  in  its  special  line  and  bids  fair 
to  equal  the-Compound  in  its  popularity. 

All  must/respect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  is  to  do  good  to  others. 

Philadelphia,  Pa.  (2)  Mrs.  A.  M.  D. 


B3T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Lossol  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2.50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.   D.   SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
fit worth  $10  free.  Address  E.  Q. 
HIDEOUT  &C0.,  10BarclaySt.,N.V* 


$72 


A  WEEK,     $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costlv  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


THE     WASP. 


13 


Marriages  are  on  the  increase  in  this  city.  This 
may  be  owing  to  a  sensible  wave  which  lias  struck 
a  large  portion  of  the  female  population,  and  which 
induces  them  to  dress  much  less  extravagantly  than 
formerly.  House  rent  and  beef  have  not  sympa- 
thized with  the  marriage  boom,  and  the  dry-goods 
people  alone  of  all  tradesman  have  shown  a  disposi- 
tion to  set  trousseaus  at  a  moderate  figure.  If  this 
marriage  business  keeps  rushing  all  the  season,  as 
within  the  past  two  months,  the  suffering  in  thoBe 
circles  outside  the  pale  of  polite  society  will  be  ex- 
treme and  many  converts  to  the  straight  and  nar- 
row path  may  be  expected. 


A  bill  has  been  introduced  into  the  National 
Congress  providing,  in  brief,  that  no  vessel  enter- 
ing or  leaving  a  port  of  the  United  States  shall  be 
compelled  to  employ  a  pilot.  This  is  a  part  of 
what  we  had  the  honor  to  mean  a  few  weeks  ago 
in  saying  that  the  matter  of  pilot  charges  should 
be  relegated  to  the  General  Government,  where  it 
properly  belonged.  So  many  of  our  ideas  are  tak- 
ing the  shape  of  legislation  that  we  are  beginning 
to  feel  an  uncomfortable  sense  of  responsibility. 


The  Regents  of  the  University  are  said  to  be 
considering  ways  and  means  of  setting  up  a  depart- 
ment of  veterinary  surgery.  Nothing  easier.  Se- 
lect one  of  the  University's  hoodlumni  to  act  as  pro- 
fessor without  salary,  and  let  him  tinker  ailing 
saw-horses  to  the  satisfaction  of  his  mind  and  heart. 
To  give  variety  to  his  performances  he  might  occa- 
sionally tackle  a  living  jackass  from  the  Board  of 
Regents. 


MUSIC  BOXES,  FINE  CLUCKS,  WATCHES 
and  Jewelry  and  Fans  repaired.      S.    J.    Pembroke,    212 


O'Farrell  street,  above   Powell,  San   Francisco, 
from  the  country  promptly  attended  to. 


Orders 


Ladies  and  all  sufferers  from  neuralgia,  hysteria,  and 
kindred  complaints,  will  find  without  a  rival  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters. 

^  No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder&  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
has  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


MOTHER  SWAN'S  WORM  SYRUP. 

Infallible,  tasteless,  harmless,  cathartic  ;    for  feverish- 
ness,  restlessness,  worms,  constipation.     25c. 


SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  65. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace' 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

***  "  Better  be  wise  by  the  misfortunes  of  others  than 
by  your  own."  Take  warning  in  time.  Avoid  quack 
nostrums  by  which  thousands  annually  perish.  _  Use  only 
such  remedies  as  are  demonstrated  above  suspicion,  fore- 
most among  which  is  Kidney-Wort.  For  torpid  liver, 
bowels  or  kidneys,  no  other  remedy  equals  it.  It  is  sold 
in  both  dry  and  liquid  form  by  all  druggists. 


"DON'T    DIE    IN    THE    HOUSE." 

"  Rough  on  Rats."   Clears  out  rats,  mice,  roaches,  bed- 
bugs, flies,  ants,  moles,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15  c. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 


AKE   HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


House   Decorating  Done  in   the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO, 

645  Market  Street- 

WINDOW  SHADES  IN  ANY  STYLE  Ok  COLOR. 


!1§  BUfcS     fc>  T  l_-t  E  IE  T  Hi 

The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles. 


Man 


CALL,    AND    SEE    BEFORE   PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH    PLEASURE. 


^CTURING    COM? 


tftf 


CALIFORNIA 

Safe  Deposit 

AND    

Trust  Company 

32G     ll«\K.o>li:iM     STREET, 
Sim  Francisco,  Vnl. 

DIRECTORS: 
J.  D.  FRY,  G.  L.  BRADLEY, 

C.  F.  Ma</DERMOT,  NICHOLAS  U  MM;, 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  I".  H.  WOODS, 

LLOYD   TEVIS,  I'MAKLKS  MAIN, 

HENKY  WADSWORTH,  L  0.  W1CKEBSHAM, 

JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 


J.  D.    FBY PWHidcnl 

C.   IE.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Treasurer 

WIH,  CUNNINGHAM Secretary 


[DEPOSITS 


RECEIVED  SUBJECT  TO  CHECK.  In- 
terest allowed  on  money  deposited  far  sixty  days  or  longer. 

This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Finns 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Heal  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Runts,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stouk 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  collections  and  remit- 
tances, purchase  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money,  Exchange,  etc. 
Buy  and  sell  securities,  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Rent  of  safes  in  Safe  Deposit  vaults  from  §2  to  820  per  month, 
and  from  $12  to  $200  yer  year. 


• ,;    •        .•  •'^'■■; HEN.JY   riETJEN.'7 
r-&._HeNRY;AHHE,NS.>c^.c.''T^.V.»OlfSTEL: 


%'Mr//i£^tWi 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  £5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  ic  Co.,  Portland,  .Maine. 


WHISKIES! 


To  the  Trade. 

We  bug  to  call  attention  to  the  fellow ing. full  lines'.of 
well-known  brands  of  Rye  and  Bourbon  : 

lt»l  KltOV.j 

NELSON Fall  79 

MILLER.  0.  C January,  '81 

LEXINGTON Spring  '80 

REDMOND Spring' 80 

L.  VAX HOOK Spring  '80 

E.  C.  BERRY,  Sour  Mash Fall  '79 

MONARCH,  Sour  Mash Spring  '80 

WILOW  RUN KaU  '79 

RYE. 

HORSEY Spring  '79  and  '80 

NELSON Spring  '79 

SHERWOOD Spring  '79 

MONTICELLO Spring  '80 

MILLER Spring  '80 

Agents  for  bonded  goods  from  several  distilleries.    Sole 
Agents  for 

1'dolplio  Wolfe's  Sehlcdam  Aromatic  Bchnnnps* 
Dante]  Lawrence  and  Bon's  Medford  Rum. 

Willow  Springs  Distilling;  Co.'s  Spirits  and 
Alcoliol. 
Kennedy's  Knst  India    Kilters. 
For  sale  to  the  trade  in  lots  to  suit. 

WM.    T.    COLEMAN    &   CO., 

Corner  Market  and  Main  Streets. 

SAN  FRANCISCO. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   RECULATOR. 


DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome   Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


14 


THE     WASP. 


It  is  getting  so  that  even  burglars  are  seriously 
interfered  with  in  the  practice  of  their  profession. 
A  recent  invention  is  connected  with  a  safe  and  is 
so  arranged  that  when  the  burglar  touches  the  safe 
an  electric  light  is  thrown  upon  the  face  of  the 
burglar,  and  a  prepared  plate  inside  the  safe  door 
transfers  the  man's  picture  so  he  can  be  identified. 
If  this  thing  keeps  on  a  poor  burglar  will  have  to 
send  an  agent  to  burgle  for  him  or  he  will  get  into 
trouble.  The  life  of  a  burglar  is  full  of  terrors. 
Not  long  ago  a  woman  whose  room  was  being 
burgled  woke  up  and  made  the  burglar  stay  to 
lunch  and  listen  to  a  lecture  on  the  wickedness  of 
his  profession.  And  recently  a  burglar  was  sur- 
prised while  going  through  the  residence  of  an  edi- 
tor, and  the  editor  sat  up  in  bed  and  insisted  on 
the  burglar  playing  him  a  game  of  seven-up  for 
his  burglar  tools,  and  the  burglar  went  away  with- 
out his  tools. — Peck's  Hun. 


Miss  Miller,  of  Ferris,  chloroformed  the  dogs  and 
eloped  with  a  young  man  her  father  had  forbidden 
the  premises.  The  probabilities  are  that  in  a  year 
hence  she  will  conclude  that  her  life  would  have 
been  less  miserable  if  she  had  chloroformed  the 
young  man  and  eloped  with  her  father's  dogs. — 
Texas  Sigthigs. 


General  Sherman  kisses  every  girl  to  whom  he 
is  introduced.  Tecumseh  always  was  a  reckless 
cuss,  much  given  to  cutting  away  from  his  base 
and  depending  on  the  country  for  his  supplies  as 
he  went  along. — Burlington  Hawkeye- 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  18S2 
(i4,lS8  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

For  tremulousness,  wakefulness,  dizziness,  and  lack  of 
energy,  a  most  valuable  remedy  is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


"  BTJCHUPAIBA." 
Quick,  complete  cure,  all  annoying  Kidney,  Bladder 
and  Urinary  Diseases.     SI.     Druggists.    Depot. 


*If  you  are  a  woman  and  would  contribute  your  influ- 
ence to  redeem  humanity  from  its  numberless  ills,  make 
all  things  else  subordinate  to  health.  If  you  possess  this 
inestimable  treasure  you  may  transmit  the  same  and  your 
offspring  may  rise  up  and  call  you  blessed.  To  secure  this 
it  will  be  well  to  seek  the  motherly  countenance  of  Mrs. 
Pinkham,  Lynn,  Mass. 


"  ROUGH  ON  RATS." 

^Clears  out  rats,   mice,   roaches,   flies,   ants,  bedbugs, 
skunks,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c.     Druggists. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


T* 


E  CHEAT  CURE 


RHEUMATISM— 

As  it  is  for  all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 

KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 

that    causes    the  dreadful    suffering     -which 

only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
price,  $i.  norm  ok  dry,  sold  by  druggists. 

±i-  Dry  can  be  sent  bv  mail. 

WELLS,  RICTLARDSOiN  &  Co..  Burlineton Vfc 


KhDNEY-WORHvr 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  S  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

....AGENTS    FOK.... 

Spreckels'  line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  8.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

■Corner  Fremont.  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


FOR 

Asthma.  Coughs, 

Colds.  Croup.  In- 
llurii/.a.  Bronchitis, 
Catarrh,  Whooping- 
Cough,  Loss  of  Voice.  Incipient  Consumption,  and  a 
Throat  and  Lung  Troubles. 
In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLtJENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOE    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 


AND    TAKE    Ml     Olllllt. 


rice,   50    Cents. 


J.  B.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Prop  rs, 

417  Sansonic  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  1'. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


,-lag  represents  Che  Lungs  In  a  healthy  state.. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 

Coughs,  Colds, 

Croup. 

Ami  Other  Tlirout  ami   Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybodv  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER,  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it   has  No  Equal. 

For  Sale  by  all  Medicine  Dealers. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT5  S 

COMPOUND  EXTRCTS 

—  OF  — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  veryhighly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


BALDWIN       THEATER. 

Monday,      -        -        -      February   12th, 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Beos Proprietors  and  Managera 

First  week  and  unbounded  success  of  Offenbach's 
charming  Comic  Opera,  in  four  acts, 

THE     BRIDGE     OF     SIGHS  I 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte  Genee 


SUNDAY,    -     -    -    FEBRUARY  nth, 

First  appearance  of  the  celebrated  comedian, 

LINK, 

As   "  Reporter  Reunthier,"  in  the  laughable  Burlesque 
with  Songs  and  Dance, 

RUNAWAY    WIVESI 

In  the  last  act  Grand  Pas  Seul,  executed  by  Adole 
Link,  as  Signora  Crambuchini. 


BALDWIN       THEATER. 

Monday,       -        -        -      February  12th, 


Gr^^ZTNTTD 
MASQUERADE      BALL  I 

OE   THE 

VEREIN   EINTRAGHT 


Saturday  Evening,  Feb'y  10th, 

AT  THE 

MECHANICS'  PAVILION. 


Il.ooit     TICKETS  (for  BfclSkCl 
SPECTATORS,     - 


only). 


-       $1 
50   rents 


A  false  face  alone  will  not  be  recognized  as  Mask. 

All  Maskers  must  be  in  Costume  or  Domino. 

Cars  will  run  ALL  NIGHT. 

Doors  open  at  7  o'clock,  P.  M. 

Concert  at  S  o'clock,  P.  M, 

Grand  March  at  81  o'clock?  precisely. 

THE    COMMITTEE. 


CONSUMPTION  if  §§i 

Worst  kind  and  ol  lon^stiiiuling  Ikivo  been  cured.  Indeed,  bo  strong 
Ib  my  faith  In  Irs  ofl'ieacy,  that  1  will  soml  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  u  VALUABLE  TREATISE  <m  1  his  disease,  t.>  an  v  finflVr- 
er.    eive  Express  &  P.O.  address  DK.T.  A.  SLOCUil,  181  Pearl  St.,  N.Y. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


OLIVE     BUTTER 


An    Absolutely    Pure    Vegetable    Oil. 


MANUFACTURED        BY 


WASHINGTON  BUTCHER'S  SONS,  PHILADELPHIA. 


For  Cooking  Purposes  is  better  than  Lard.        Fully  equal  to   Butter,  and  at  much  less  cost  than  either. 
ONE  POUND  OP  OLIVE   BUTTER  WILL  DO  T11E  WORK  OF  TWO  POUNDS  OF  LARD, 


OLIVE    BUTTER    means  health,  economy  and  cleanliness  ;    absolute  freedom  from  all  adulterations  of  any  kind. 

We  present  OLIVE  BUTTER  to  the  pul.lic  with  the  conviction  that  it  will  permanently  take  the  place  of  Lard  and  Butter  for  culinary  purposes.  It 
needs  but  a  single  trial  to  demonstate  its  great  value  and  merits  ;    and  we  guarantee  it  for  the  following  qualities,  viz  : 

It  is  a  pure  vegetable  product,  free  from  adulterations  and  is  much  more  nutritious  than  lard  or  butter.  It  remains  perfectly  sweet  in  every  climate 
and  is  unaffected  by  age  ;  hence  it  never  becomes  rancid.  It  is  much  cheaper  than  lard  or  butter  and  requires  but  half  the  quantity  to  attain  the  same 
results  in  cooking.  Articles  of  food  cooked  with  it  retain  their  natural  flavor  ;  no  greasy  taste  is  imparted,  the  oil  not  being  so  readily  absorbed  as  ordinary 
lard  or  butter,  because  it  is  a  vegetable  product. 

The  fact  that  we  are  and  have  been  for  many  years  manufacturers  and  reliners  of  lard— our  trade  amounting  to  millions  of  pounds  annually— and  now 
offer  to  the  public  this  vegetable  oil  of  our  own  manufacture,  for  culinary  purposes  in  lieu  of  lard  or  butter,  is  of  itself  a  sufficient  guarantee. 

Our  Trade  Mark  is  secured  by  letters  patent,  registered  at  the  Patent  Office  in  Washington,  D.  C. 


DIRECTIONS: 

Use  in  the  same  manner  for  cooking  as  you  would  lard  or  butter,  only  use  half  the  quantity  for  the  same  purposes.     Put  up  in  (iO-pound  cases  of  3,  5 
and  10  pound  cans.     For  sale  by  all  grocers. 

W.  J.  HOUSTON  &  Co.,  Sole  Agents, 

No.       37       Market       Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Rollin  P.  Saxe, 

218  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,   CAL, 
Importer,  Breeder,  Exporter  and  Commission  Merchant  in  all  kinds  of 

Live   Stock. 


Berkshire  Swine  a  specialty,  Correspondence  solicited. 


cT%i-'^i^ 


o 

c 

30 

r 
O 

o 

> 

r 

o 
o 


«o 

c 

X 

o 

H 
m 


"■--.-• 


«  *  ^  _.  ..  - . . .  »_*_ . 


»-*  «— <»  *  *  *_*  *  » *  •  »  * 


y  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES  "-Jggjg£g 


Pressed 


ICOLL 

POPULAR     PRICES  ! 

LARGE    STOCK! 
CHOICE  WOOLEN 


Pure,  Mild,        ___  ALLEN  &  GINTBR 


Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Fr 


HE  filAILOH 


POPULAR    TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys' 
Ready-Made  CbtJiing. 

816  & 


POPULAR    STYLES 


ee. 


NEW 
ENGLAND 
BAKING 
POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Carli.  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Won  Bros.  I  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


Men's    Furnishing     Goods. 
And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
Ms  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


AN 
ixtraordinary     Razor 

IAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
x  OWN  CO.  of  England.     The  edge  and  body 

so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
URE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
lides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
laving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
REAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
xperts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION, 
wo  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory, 
ivery  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
iverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
41  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
le  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
Jppiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
irged  their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
VORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
INIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
he  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
tAZOR. 

TWICHEFTp 

"■-^  Kid  Gloves  -■- 

M.WAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Jet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


3harle8  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS   &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 
BOOK   AND   JOB 

Printers 

419  Sacramento    Street, 

Below  Sanaome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


SIBEBIAIST    BALSAM 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bi-onchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases^ the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

HEPOT.     415    MOXTCOMEBV    STREET. 


For  Mile  liv  ii  1 1   IIiii~Im.. 


B, 


*3"Ask    For 

ILLOWS    UEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FADSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWEBY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY     &     YUNG, 
No.    651    SACRAMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.      San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior   in 


QUALITY. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

HOLK   AURMS   FOB 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    liny    Street, 

SAX  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Ohicfcerlng&  Sons, Boston;  Bluthner .Leipzig; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  Q.  Scliwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 
B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Fan-ell  St 

NEAE  MARKET,  SaN  F'.ANriBCO. 
J.  J.  Palmer.  Valentine  Rky. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

IinportersorPrlnllng and  lithographing 

IFIRIESSIES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines :  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam' engines 

Warerooms,405&407SansoiiieSt.S.F 

Wo  have  on  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

STJOOESBO&S     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDB  RTAK  BRS 

And    EMBALMERS, 

22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


[MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market       Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.   II.    .Hoore. 

0  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 

Louisville,  Ky. 

■I.  It.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


Prentiss  Selby,  Sup't. 

Selfoy    Smelting: 


H.  B.  Underuill,  jR.,Sec'y. 

and    Lead    Co. 


manutactcrers  of  

lead  Pipe,  S  leet  Lend,  Shot,  Bar  lead,  Pig  lead.  Solder,  Antl-Frtctlon  metal,  lead 

Sasli  Weights,  lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    4-16   Montgomery   Street,      -      -      -      -      San    Francisco. 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR 

"WHITE 


GROCER    FOR    THE 

JROSE    FLOUTS 

MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


SsT  See  loeal  notice  in  another  column. 


DR  .THOMAS  HALL'S 


Baf-QT^P       KEKTTJCKY       WHISKEY.  "S3I 


«©*  cimm  o  istd's 


Titiniiiii  i  ■MiiMiiitntm  hi  tut iiiiiiii1 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 

ask  your 
Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


WDEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO."** 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal ;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  General  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicnl  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  Prpsin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

JETFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES'drugstore,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


o 

o 


o 
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en 

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CD 
P3 

c+ 

CD 
CD 


fc^HARDWOOD   LUMBER---J°^  wigmore,    » 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  floods  House-132  Kearny  St,BiS£ 


KOIILER  «fc  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiauos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


H.  R.  Williar,  Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

22G    CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Francisco. 


H.    HOESCH, 

Res  t an ran  t, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 

THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  Up       -     -       $3,000,000 
Reserve  II.  S.  Ronds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelere'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
WhoopiDg  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal . 


VALENTINE    HASSMER,    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry. 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118   SITTER    STREET, San  Franriseo,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,    Sconces,    Candlesticks    and 

Bouillottes. 
BARE     BRONZES.     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS $1,250,000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Car.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wll.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HDTOHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Olark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Oapt.  A.  M.  Barns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and 


MARINE. 


US  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SIN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres.;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
bauni,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
40G  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


05 

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3 

CD    I 
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05' 

CD 
_  » 


o 


"The 


Bald  win." 


This  Hotel  was  completed  and 
opened  in  May,  1877,  and  is  con- 
ducted on  the  American  Plan, 

Over  $3,500,000  having  been  ex- 
pended by  Mr.  Baldwin  in  its  con- 
struction and  furnishing. 

The  Baldwin  is  the  most  ele- 
gantly appointed  Hotel  in  the 
world. 


Situated  on  Market  Street,  at 
the  intersection  of  Powell  and  Eddy 
Streets,  and  fronting  on  four  prin- 
cipal streets  in  the  business  center, 
it  is  convenient  of  access  to  and 
from  all  quarters  of  the  City. 
Eight  lines  of  Street  Cars  pass  its 
doors. 

f  Hotel  Coaches  and  Carriages  in 
waiting  at  all  Steamer  and  Hallway 
Depots. 


The  Leading  Hotel  of  San  Francisco,  California. 


TOURISTS'       HEADQUARTERS. 


Speelal  Accommodations  for  Families  and  Large  Parlies. 


Prices  tlic  same  as  at  oilier  First-class  Holds— $2  50  to   $5  per  day. 


WuZ"F$l88&rc"£S&.  c"«'  Cu«« 


H.  H.  PEARSON,  Proprietor, 

}  Formerly  Proprietor  of  "  The  Cosmopolitan,"  San  Francisco. 


?**** 


M^M 


rA 


.!*Kv-      3fcv 


\(. 


VOL.   X. 


AN    FRANCISCO,  FKR.    1' 


188? 


^J 


For 
reakfast 

Lunch 
Go  to  the 
New    England 
KITCHEN. 

5  22 

California  SI. 


;r  o  E  X)  k  k  J-:  i ; 

nampagne. 

gttlar  Invoices  received dired  fron    Mr.   L*d1a  Korderrr.  B<  □ 

i 

MACONDRAY  &  CO  ,  B 


donald     McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,         CORDIALS,         BITTERSi 

ESSEM  ES,   CALIFORNIA    WINES,   Etc., 

714    From    Street, 

(Near  Broadway),  SAN"    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

111  I'll  l\T    HOLLAND    <;!%."' 

I  Id  Mil     BRANDIES, 

POST,    SHERRY,    Etc 

In  IhuhI  or  tlulv  )>  nil. 
_G  EO'RGE        STEVENS, * 
318    I'ronl     street.    Boom    ■.'.     s:in     FraiicKen 


[■HE  CELEBRATED 

1AMPAGNE WINES 

Jessra.  Dbctz  a:  Gelpf.ru. ins  Ay,  en  Chompapne.'S 


CACHET     BLANC- Exfrn    Dry, 

In  cases  -marts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

tKDEAtX    BED  AND  WHITE  MINES. 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Lnze  &,  Fib. 

HOCK     MINES. 

n  eases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmaiin  Sohn,  Mainz. 

arles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STBEET. 

" Give  thy  sen  a  lineral  education."  I 


OHAMBEELAIN  &  ROBINSON 

PROPRIETY  It  S. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 

COLLEGE. 
32Q 


I'ost   ).. 
Street!  Hit  i 


«8>"SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS!   fl 


p    Leopold  Bro's  T 

Iloeist 

a5  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets,  Baskets.'Wreathes, Crosses 


S 


hotographer 


LEW  M°GAliY  &  CO, 

TVHOLESALi: 

DUOR    MERCHANTS, 

322  and  324  FROST  STREET, 

FRANCISCO.   -  CALIFORNIA 

,COFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

ipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

1U     and     13  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

3AMENTO,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Km 


MERRIMAN'S 


0)101 


FLAGRANT 


iper  Heidsieckl 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

£14  California  >i..  Ban  i  nmri-.m,  cnl. 


f 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

O.     Z  I  1ST  1ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 
\o,  .*,  Montgomery  Street  (Hasonle  Temple), 

a  uj  fi-  w  -  o 


COLTON 


For   Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR     SALE     111       til      llltl  I.I.ISIS. 


SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  anil  Jaekson    streets, 
SAX     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTI  N     &     Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Peak  r*. 
"HILTON    .1.    HARDY." 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
anil    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old     Ironrhon     tvliiskles. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


C3     (~"t    ~pq-     -r-      -T-    rp    r7    3 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS    &    HARBISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  YY.  Corner    SANSOME   and    Ml  It  I'll  \l(i    Streets.    San    Francisco. 


k 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


fliANOflHazelton  Bros 

First  Class,   \ 
Medium  Price,  A  ~j 


FULL    VALUE     I  I 

FOB   TOTIB  MONlyA/ 


HALLET[&  CUMSTOIN, 

jM.  BENHAM, 

CHASES.  EATON. 
647  fjMarket     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Oo"s 

^BUDWEISER  BEER*) 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  I1T 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Gal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

th  without  pain.) 
HAVE     BEHOVED    TO 

P  h  e  I  a  n's 

Rutins   G, 


Building, 

and      10, 


entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Ilr.  CIIAS   «. 

DECILES,  Dentist, 

EDWARD    E. 

OSBOKN. 

Solicitor     of 

Patents, 

(American  and 

Foreign,) 

320     CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  tVashitifrton,    Lomlon,    Victoria, 

Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  U 

rmnjiilu,  UeXlOO. 

^~^gjjV   FRAN  Cls£0^ 

FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


House  A^oi'th. '  s 


Photographs 

'"  The  nljrliest  Slandard  of  Exeollenee,      1' 
"5      MONTGOIWERYCrrST R  e'etT 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Tlie    Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

M 
H 

W 

H 


ttST  Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGR1C1LT1RAL  SOCIETY :  also, 
MECHANICS-  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Rest  Work, 
ninnsliiii. 


MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY   TOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CAWV1AW.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

StJOOESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and    Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  ^d  Bedding. 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'ri 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  yan  Francis*  o. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order-     Sole  agent  tor  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR    and     WESTPHALIA     HAMS        German 

A.  iidimiii:. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DEI  MOSJOPOLE  (extra), 

L.  KOEDEKER  (.sweet  and  <lry>, 

lllliri    A    t  IIANKOV. 
VEUVE    CUCttVOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 

13-  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6SS  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  a  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
tills.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 

FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND. 


Proprietor 


olters  Brothers  &  Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francison 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F  .    DANEBI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

3J  ami  39  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


JAN  fRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY. 

Corner  of  Powell 

ANT) 

Francisco  Streets 

Telephone  9012. 


Capital  Stock 

$200,000. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP   IN  ANY  CLIMATF.. 


1I0I.PH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  110  Market  street, 
\os.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.     W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDONALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  335  Spear  St.,  31810  330  Stuart  st. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 

Win.   F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,      SAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  and 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINS  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.: 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited) 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald 
win  Locomotive  Wnrlrn;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
N^h.  Afhtnn  &P       '«  '     " 


+ 


^       PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION 
^  \  IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES 


+ 


Natural 

Cbaipgne 


DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 

530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F!  CAL. 

B^None  Genuine  unless  "bearing;  nur  i*sitne  on  L^bi-l  and  Cork  . 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

3.E.C0R 
S.F. 


h     626.;P_NTGQWlEgY:ST.8L.S.E,COR.SUTTEfi_&0UP.ONT-lSTS,-.    > 


L.    P.    DEGEN,    Maker 


PHEfeBELT||P 

ifJ'1     JrSteiniiiiiK "■-.:-^  V'l\r' 


Water  Frooi  Leather  Belting. 
13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


0 

s 


CD 
-p 
U 

O 


CELEBKATKIi    CALIFORNIA 


MPAGN 


CH  A 
Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.  Lm, 

809    tloVK.OHCirj    St.,  San    Frnneiseo. 

H  .       N  .       COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MARKET     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW:;  &    CO., 

Hay,  firain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS„  S.  F 


Bonesteil,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS  of 

IF   -A.   UP   IE    "El 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on    the    racitir 
Coast. 

Office 
400    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Feancisco. 


OF    ALL     KINDS. 


n::  and  415  San  some  St, 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Kehncry,  Eighth  and  Brannnn  streets. 

OLAUS  SPEEOKEL8 President 

J.  D.  SPBEOKELS    Vice-Preident 

A.  B.  SPBEOKELS Secretary 

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THB    3L--A-TS    G-TTSTAVB    3DOE3E 


THE    WASP 


THE     EDITOR'S     PLAGUE. 


Of  such  as  know  despair  or  woe 

I  claim  a  fellow  feeling, 
For  torments  keen  for  years  have  been 

My  life's  enjoyment  stealing. 
My  hair  from  black  has  turned,  alack, 

A  sort  of  dingy  mixture, 
And  furrows  now  upon  my  brow 

Are  seemingly  a  fixture. 

Though  ailing,  still,  I'm  hardly  ill — 

The  truth  needs  no  distoition — 
An  appetite  by  no  means  slight 

Is,  happily,  my  portion. 
No  sudden  checks  in  mining  "specs  " 

Have  made  me  thus  dejected. 
With  loose  affairs  in  stocks  and  shares 

I've  never  been  connected. 

It  isn't  drink,  as  people  think, 

That  makes  me  seem  so  shaken, 
And  those  who  say  I  walk  each  day 

Disguised,  are  quite  mistaken. 
No  dun  awaits  about  my  gates, 

With  sheriff 's  writs  to  hand  me, 
Nor  am  I  racked  by  any  act 

Of  evil,  understand  me. 

On  horrors  bent,  with  ears  attent, 

Come  round,  I'll  glut  you  vastly, 
(Slow  music,  please)  my  breast  I'll  ease 

Of  terrors  grim  and  ghastly. 
(The  lights  subdue— they  should  be  blue 

To  satisfy  the  croakers) 
And  let  me  say  that  night  and  day 

I'm  haunted — and  by  jokers? 

It  thrills  me  now  to  tell  you  how 

These  fiendish  jokers  jog  me, 
For,  hapless  soul,  a  perfect  shoal 

Perpetually  dog  me. 
My  steps  they  trace  from  place  to  place 

With  terrible  precision, 
And  jokes  in  hosts  succeeding  posts 

Discover  to  my  vision. 

Whenever  I  emerge  to  try 

And  find  a  theme  to  write  on, 
Some  joking  elf  my  wretched  self 

Immediately  will  light  on. 
For  hours  he'll  gloat  o'er  anecdote 

Which  he  considers  witty, 
While  I  remain  with  fevered  brain 

An  object  marked  for  pity. 

He  sometimes  cloaks  his  little  jokes 

In  many  words  on  paper, 
And  then  with  glee  he  brings  to  me 

His  idiotic  vapor. 
He'll  say  the  while  with  placid  smile, 
"  You're  free  my  friend  to  use  it  ; 
I  think  you'll  find  there's  more  behind, 

If  only  you'll  peruse  it." 

Within  my  breast,  with  all  the  zest 

That's  felt  by  thorough  haters, 
I  cultivate  a  deadly  hate 

Against  all  joke-relators. 
I'd  make  it  hot  for  all  the  lot : 

The  race  I'd  wholly  smother ; 
I'd  make  them— well,  I'd  make  them  tell 

Their  jokes  to  one  another  ! 

San  Francisco,  Feb.  10,  1883. 


OUR    BOASTED     HISTORIAN, 

This  paper  has  frequently  affirmed — and  been 
alone  in  affirming— that  Mr.  Hubert  H.  Bancroft, 
of  this  city,  is  a  literary  impostor,  in  so  far  as 
claiming  as  his  own  the  work  of  others  can  make 
him  one ;  that  he  is  in  no  right  and  recognized 
sense  the  author  of  the  historical  works  put  forth 
under  his  name.  The  other  newspapers  of  the  city 
appear  to  have  so  little  care  for  literature  that 
their  favor  to  the  imposture  can  be  commanded 
by  the  payment  of  so  much  per  line  for  publication 
of  criticisms  of  Mr.  Bancroft's  work  written  by 
the  authors  of  Mr.  Bancroft's  books — who  certainly 
ought  to  know  something  of  their  quality.  As 
showing  that"  our  hostility  to  this  daring  decep- 
tion is  beginning  to  attract  support,  we  re-publish 


a  letter  to  the  New  York  Evening  Post  from  Mr, 
Charles  H.  Phelps,  late  proprietor  of  The  Galifor- 
nian  (now  The  Overland  Monthly),  of  this  city: 

Snt  :  The  admirable  review  of  Mr.  Hubert  Howe 
Bancroft's  "  History  of  Central  America, "  which 
appeared  in  your  issue  of  January  27th,  was  neces- 
sarily kept  within  a  criticism  on  the  volume  itself. 
But  it  seems  to  me  that  the  time  has  come  when  a 
word  should  be  said  as  to  the  methods  employed 
by  that  author  in  the  manufacture  of  the  books 
which  bear  his  name." 

Some  years  since  when  it  was  announced  that 
Mr.  H.H.  Bancroft,  a  sccessful  bookseller  and  sta- 
tioner of  San  Francisco,  was  collecting  all  availa- 
ble material  relating  to  the  history  of  the  Pacific 
Coast,  the  work  was  justly  looked  upon  as  one  of 
great  public  spirit.  At  that  time  Mr.  Bancroft  was 
not  known  to  have  written  anything,  or  if  he  had 
his  writings  were  so  inconsiderable  as  to  escape 
observation.  By  careful  attention  to  the  details  of 
an  exacting  business  he  had  acquired  a  competence, 
and,  so  far  as  the  public  could  judge,  he  now  pro- 
posed to  make  a  collection  which  should  be  of  value 
to   the  historian,  whenever   the   latter  appeared. 

Upon  the  publication  of  "  The  Native  Races 
of  the  Pacific  Coast  "  the  general  reader  learned 
for  the  first  time  of  Mr.  Bancroft's  literary 
aspirations,  and  the  citizens  of  San  Fran- 
cisco felt  a  natural  surprise  at  the  capabilities  of 
one  who  could  devote  all  his  waking  hours  to  the 
stationery  trade  and  yet  produce  five  ponderous 
volumes  in  so  short  a  time.  A  vague  and  evasive 
explanation  that  Mr.  Bancroft  was  "assisted"  by 
a  number  of  collators  and  indexers  was,  however, 
accepted  as  sufficient.  But  of  late  those  who  have 
been  interested  in  literary  matters  on  the  Pacific 
Coast  have  come  to  know  that  the  part  which  Mr. 
Bancroft  has  played  has  been  simply  that  of  Mae- 
cenas, now  trying  to  plume  himself  in  the  laurels 
of  Horace. 

Mr.  Bancroft's  library  is  situated  on  Valencia 
street,  in  San  Francisco,  the  width  of  the  city  from 
the  book  and  stationery  store  where  he  spends  his 
time.  At  the  latter  place  is  carried  on  an  exten- 
sive and  complicated  business,  including,  besides 
the  departments  mentioned,  others  for  priniing, 
lithographing,  book-binding,  law-publishing,  etc., 
at  the  head  of  which,  any  business  day,  directing, 
signing  checks,  managing  the  innumerable  details, 
Mr.  Bancroft  may  be  seen.  At  the  Valencia  street 
library  there  are,  to  be  sure,  a  number  of  persons 
collating  and  indexing.  But  more  important  than 
that,  there  are  two  or  three  gentlemen  and  one 
lady  engaged  in  writing  the  histories  which  bear 
Mr.  Bancroft's  name.  It  is  not  denied  that  what 
they  write  is  submitted  to  Mr.  Bancroft,  who  is  a 
sort  of  managing  editor  to  the  bureau  which  he 
has  founded.  But  I  am  credibly  informed  that 
that  page  after  page  goes  into  print  without  a  mark 
or  interlineation  by  Mr.  Bancroft.  That  he  could 
not  at  the  same  time  write  histories  in  such  vo- 
luminous and  rapid  succession  and  attend  to  the 
multifarious  affairs  of  a  large  and  complex  busi- 
ness is  self-evident.  Four  or  five  different  histories 
on  different  sections  of  the  coast,  such  as  Oregon, 
Utah,  California,  etc.,  are  in  course  of  simulta- 
neous production,  each  section  being  taken  by  a 
different  writer.  That  these  facts  are  deliberately 
suppressed  and  that  the  real  authors,  unknown  and 
underpaid,  are  passed  with  a  slurring  acknowledge- 
ment simply  intended  to  quiet  those  who  know  the 
facts,  are  sufficient  reasons  why  those  facts  should 
be  published.  Mr.  Bancroft  deserves  great  credit 
for  the  expenditure  of  large  sums  of  money  in  col- 
lecting valuable  historical  material.  Governor 
Stanford  deserves  great  credit  for  his  munificence 
in  providing  the  means  by  which  instantaneous 
photography  was  carried  on,  and  by  which  Dr. 
Stillman  was  enabled  to  observe  the  movements  of 
the  horse  and  to  publish  his  work  on  the  habits  of 
that  animal.  But  if  Governor  Stanford,  not  con- 
tent with  being  the  patron,  had  endeavored  to  as- 
sume to  himself  the  discovery  and  the  authorship 
of  the  book,  common  honesty  would  have  cried 
out  "Hands  off!"  Men's  time  and  services  are 
for  sale,  but  literary  reputation  cannot  be  bought 
or  sold. 

Again  :  In  the  publication  of  his  bureaurocratic 
histories  Mr.  Bancroft  displays  remarkable  thrift, 
and  the  habits  of  the  methodical  business  man  still 
cling  to  him.  For  several  months  prior  to  the  ap- 
pearance of  the  volume  just  noted  by  you  the 
newspapers  of  San  Francisco  were  approached  by 
his  agents  with  offers  of  articles  containing  "  infor- 
mation "  as  to  the  forthcoming  volumes,  and  with 
intimations  that  favorable  notices  would  be  lib- 
erally rewarded.     The  only  magazine  published  on 


the  Pacific  Coast  contained  a  long  article  lauding 
Mr.  Bancroft,  from  the  pen  of  a  lady  employed  in 
his  bureau.  Similar  articles  have  appeared  else- 
where, emanating  from  the  author  of  the  book 
about  to  be  published  and  his  employees.  So  little 
did  Mr.  Bancroft  conceal  this  fact  that  he  person- 
ally assured  the  writer  that  he  was  willing  to  pay 
quite  liberally  for  favorable  reviews  in  any  re- 
spectable paper,  not  thinking  or  knowing,  appa- 
rently, that  respectable  papers  were  just  those  with 
which  such  a  bargain  could  not  be  made. 

Such  have  been  the  means  employed  in  the  pro- 
duction and  publication  of  this  work,  and  it  is  to 
be  regretted  that  one  who  by  such  fair  means  as 
establishing  a  valuable  collection  of  historical 
books  and  documents  has  become  entitled  to 
great  praise,  should  be  so  lustful  of  renown  as  to 
adopt  unfair  means  to  obtain  it. 

Charles  H.  Phelps. 

New  York,  January  29,  1SS3. 


AN     ERROR    IN    THE     RECORDS. 


He  came  in  to  see  the  editor  of  the  Wasp  to 
complain  about  having  been  made  the  subject  of  a 
real  nice,  stem-winding,  nickle-plated  little  joke. 

"I  don't  care  a  pin  about  such  things  in  them- 
selves," he  explained,  rather  loftily,  "but,  sir,  my 
wife  and  daughter  read  your  paper,  and  I  do  not 
choose  to  be  made  ridiculous  in  the  eyes  of  my 
own  family." 

"But  surely  you  are  not  married!?"  said  the 
editor,  with  an  exclamation  point  in  one  eye  and  a 
note  of  interrogation  in  the  other. 

"Yes,  lam  married;   and  I  don't  choose " 

"Bless  my  soul  !"  cried  the  editor,  "  there  has- 
been  some  terrible  mistake  here  !  Let  me  see — 
your  name  is ?  " 

"  Jollup,  sir,  Jollup.  You  ought  to  know  ;  you 
have  been  making  very  free  with  it,  and  I  don't 
choose " 

"  Jollup,  yes,  of  course,  Jollup, — but  your  given 
name  ;  your  initials  ?  " 

"Henry  S.  Jollup,  attorn  ey-at-law,  16,094 
Montgomery  street,  up  stairs.  There's  my  card, 
and  I'll  thank  you  to  remember  next  time  whom 
you  are  not  to  attack." 

Editor  ostentatiously  draws  a  blank  memoran- 
dum book  from  a  pigeonhole  and  thoughtfully  con- 
sults it.  Then  putting  his  lips  to  the  mouthpiece 
of  a  speaking-tube  connected  with  the  brick  par- 
tition wall  before  him,  he  calls  out  in  a  stento- 
rian voice  : 

"Jones,  look  at  page  374,  of  volume  700,  Citi- 
zens' Family  Kecords — it's  in  Bookcase  51 — and 
see  if  Henry  S.  Jollup  has  been  entered  in  the 
Immunity  Column  on  account  of  having  a  wife  and 
daughters.  If  there  has  been  an  error  in  trans 
cribing  his  name  from  the  List  of  Exempt  Hus- 
bands and  Privileged  Papas  see  that  it  is  corrected 
at  once,  and  discharge  our  Domiciliary  Inspector  in 
that  district  and  the  Engrosser  of  Domestic  Mem- 
oranda. We  can't  afford  to  pay  out  sixteen,  thou- 
sand dollars  a  year  for  family  history  and  then 
pitch  into  a  married  man  with  nine  small  children 
and  one  at  the  breast.     You  hear  ? 

"You  see,  Mr.  Jollup,"  continued  the  editor, 
dropping  the  speaking  tube  and  smiling  blandly 
upon  his  visitor,  "there  are  so  many  men  of  your 
name  getting  married  and  having  grown-up  daugh- 
ters in  the  last  year  or  two  that  our  mightiest  ef- 
forts to  keep  track  of  all  the  circumstances  are 
sometimes  unavailing.  Some  slight  error  will 
creep  into  our  records,  and  and  a  man  whom  we 
have  derided  or  cri  ticised  will  turn  out  to  have  a  back- 
action  attachment  of  twenty  or  thirty  female  souls 
into  which  our  iron  has  deeply  sunk  !  But  we  mean 
well — nobody  means  as  well  as  we  do,  and,  God 
willing,  it  shall  be  out  proudest  boast  and  divinest 
consciousness  that  we  never  speak  with  levity  or 
dispraise  of  a  man  who  has  wives  and  daughters. 
How  many  wives  did  you  say  that  you  had,  Mr. 
Jollup  1  " 

But  that  worthy  had  skipped. 


She  was  one  of  those  nervous,  fidgety  sort  of 
women  who  get  up  on  a  chair  to  thread  a  needle, 
and  when  she  swallowed  a  lively  fly  with  her  rasp- 
berries on  Wednesday  last  the  neighbors  thought 
that  the  Fourth  of  July  had  arrived  twenty-four 
hours  too  soon.  Freedom,  during  the  primest  days 
of  Kosciusko,  never  shrieked  with  greater  velocity 

than  she  did. 

»  ^-* 

The  man  who  transformed  universal  suffrage  into 
universal  suffering  builded  better  than  he  knew. 


THE     WASP. 


3 


THE    CAPITAL    OF    THE    COMMONWEALTH.— V. 


Special  <  'orbespondi  hi  eoi    mi 


t$at  rami  >■<■■,  /'•/,.  /.".,  1888, 
I  forgot  to  mention   in  my   last  letter  that    my 
cousin,  Senator  Gilhooly,  is  in  town.    By  ;i  strange 
oversight    the  Senator's  movements  have  escaped 
the  notice  of   the    fashionable    heralds,   and    the 
omission  from  the  Wasp   of  a  notice  of  his  visit   to 
tin-  Capital  was  aggravated  by  the  absence   of  any 
reference  to  him   from  last  Tuesday's   Call.     The 
journalistic  dereliction  was  all  the   more  culpable 
as  the  Senator's  absence  from  the  hop  at   Lanni- 
fcn's  Tannery  last  week  was  sufficient  notification 
that  he  had  temporarily  withdrawn  from  the  fash- 
ionable circles  of  Brannan  street.      He  was  very 
much  depressed  on  Tuesday  when  I  handed   him 
Bte  Call  at  lunch  and  he  found  that  his  absence 
from   the   metropolis  had   been    regarded   as   an 
vent    unworthy   of   notice.      The   object    of    the 
Senator's  visit,  I  may  state,  was  to  dissuade  Sena- 
tors Dougherty  and  Keeting  and  a   few  other  rep- 
resentatives of  the  patriotism  of  our  noble  city, 
from  resenting  the  familiar  advances  of  Mr.  Stow 
and  his  railroad  hirelings  by  some  act  that  should 
bring  them  into  conflict  with  the  law.    Desiring  to 
raise  the  depressed  spirits  of  the  .Senator,  I  invited 
him  up  to  the  Capital  to  listen  for  an  hour  or  so  to 
the  fervered  eloquence  of  Senator  Felcher  on  the 
sin  of  giving  some  slab-sided  spinster,  or  razor- 
edged  grass-widow,  a  clerkship  at  thirty-five  dol- 
lars a  week  and  free  apartments,  when  more  buxom 
females   of   less    dubious  immorality  can  scarcely 
earn  that  sum  in  a  month  and  have  to  incur  the 
additional    hardship   of    paying  their    own   room 
rents.  The  Senator  gladly  accepted  the  invitation, 
and   together   we    visited   the   Capital.     Unfortu- 
nately,   however,  Senator   Filcher    was  not  in    a 
speaking  mood.     The  fruition  of  his  eloquence  had 
dried  up  in  the  fever  of  his  anxiety  to  describe  how 
he  could  charge  §15  mileage  on  an  official  trip   to 
San  Francisco  costing  §.*i,  and  yet  hold  undisputed 
possession  of  the  pedestal  of  economy  on  which  he 
poses   as    the    idol  of  the  provident  Democracy. 
Leaving  the  Senator  in  the  agony  of  his  antago- 
nistic feelings  as  a  citizen  and  a  reformer,  we  wan- 
dered over  the  Capital  and  into  a  large  committee 
room,  where  we  found  some  half  dozen  large   por- 
traits thrown  carelessly  against  the  wall  as  if  the 
artist  stricken  by  remorse  had  frantically  daubed 
them    from    the    easel    before    committing     sui- 
cide    by     swallowing     his      palette     knife.       My 
first    impression    was    that    the    Sacramento   po- 
lice had  made  the  room  the  nucleus   of  a  rogues' 
gallery,  but  that  idea  was  removed  by  a  closer  ob- 
servation of  the  rich  frames  that  enclosed  the  pic- 
torial atrocities.     The    subjects   of   the  paintings 
were  also  too  close  to  the  venerable  in  age  to  have 
contributed  to  the  honors  of  a  rogues1  gallery,  for 
on  the  evidence  of  their  looks  alone  they  would 
have  been  hanged  thirty  years  before  the  artistic 
misanthrope  who  selected  them  for  the  perpetua- 
tion of  his  crime  had  wreaked  his  vengeance  upon 
them.     My  cousin,  the  Senator,  thought  that  the 
portraits  were  an  advertisement  of  the  San  Fran- 
cisco wax-work  show,  and  in  support  of  his  belief 
pointed  out  the  strong  resemblance  to  Kelly  the 
Australian   bushranger,  which  was  borne  by  one 
dark  and  bearded  bandit  with  an  eye  like  an  auger, 
and  a  lip  like  a  righting  badger.      While  we  were 
disputing  as  to  whether  the  contiguous   portrait 
was  that  of  Orsini  or  Judas  Iscariot,  the  clerk  of 
the  Committee  dropped  in,  and  dazed  the  Senator 
with  the  information  that  the  the  supposed  high- 
wayman was  none  other  than  ex-Governor  Perkins, 
and  the  typical  cut-throat  next  to  the  compounder 
of  Sunday  school  homilies,  the  urbane  ex-Governor 
Pachco.     As  for  me,  having  spent  four  weeks  in 
observation  of  the  Legislature,  I  was  prepared  to 
bear  anything,  and  was  not  even  moved  by  addi- 
tional intelligence  that  the  intention  is  to  hang 
the  pictures  on  the  walls  of  the  Capitol  (inside  at 
that),  so  that  the  generation  to  come  may  see  what 
manner  of  men  first  left  the  imprint  of  their  fingers 
on  the  treasury  of  the  State. 

In  this  connection  it  is  a  consoling  thought  that 
there  are  still  some  rights  left  us,  and  that  even 
the  most  humble  artizen  cannot  be  dragged  from 
the  grateful  seclusion  of  his  family  circle  to  fill  the 
Governor's  chair,  if  he  throw  himself  behind  the 
broad  shield  of  the  Constitution.  I  think  the  sight 
of  those  half  dozen  ex-Governors  preserved  in  oil 
has  cured  the  Senator  of  his  long  cherished  desire 
to  lead  the  State  ticket  to  victory  some  day,  and  I 
noticed  when  later  we  met  Chris.  Buckley  going 
down  to  his  bar  in  the  cellar,  that  the  Senator 


saluted  him  with  extra  dignity,  and  stiffly  d 
an  invitation   to    drink.       u 
favorable  to  the  ornamentation  of  th< 
with  appropriate  works  of  art,  and  1  woul 
fully  waste  thi  of  my  pen  n. 

bill   appropriating   hah    a  million  dollars  for  half 
■  works  of  surpassing  merit.     The  pictures 
might  represent  fche  ideas  and  culture  ol  our  own 
day.     We  illicit  have  one  splendid  canvas  e 
ing  above  the  President  a  chair  in  the  Sena 
illustrating  the  dignity  of  the  mod. 
statesmanship 


With  Senator  Dougherty  as  the  model  of  intellec- 
tual and  moral  grandeur.  The  artist  could  catch 
the  Senator's  ennobled  expression  at  the  moment 
when  he  is  deliberating  whether  the  interests  ,f 
the  State  would  be  farthest  advanced  by  attending 
Con  Mooney's  cock-fight,  or  playing  the  toga  clad 
statesman  from  the  Potrero  a  game  of  pedro  for 
the  beer.  In  connection  of  the  great  struggle  be- 
tween the  people  and  the  gigautic  corporations 
that  menace  the  stability  of  Democratic  govern- 
ment and  the  integrity  of  State  rights  a  noble  fres- 
co emblematic  of  the  rail  transportation  problem 


Might  be  spread  across  the  Senate  Chamber.  Sena- 
tor^Cronan,  by  virtue  of  his  prominence  in  the  late 
railroad  legislation,  would  have  the  right  to  figure 
conspicuously  in  the  great  work  which  could  show 
the  scope  of  transportation  as  understood  by  the 
Senator's  constituents,  one  of  which  is  outlined  in 
the  accompanying  sketch.  The  beauty  of  this 
painting  could  be  enhanced  by  a  companion  pic- 
ture entitled  the  "Statesman's  Return,  " 


in  I. «'lialf  of  th 
citizens,  Stanford,  Crocker  a    Co.     If,  after  the 
these  works,  there  w«-r*-  any  wealth 
or  any  energy  in  the  arti 
th'1  State,  the  frold  and  the  genius  should 

lining  in  paint  the  evil  remembrance 
oi  the  oleomargarine  lobbyist  who  slinks  through 
the  holla  of  legial&tio  covetous  glan 

th*-  fat  contractors  and  inflated  lobbyists.     Unlike 
(lis  tribe,  his  dearth  of  morality  is  not  due 
ace  of  cheek.     The  odiousness  of  his 
calling  seems  ■■>>  have  deprived  him  of  impudence 
as  weE  and  he  steals  through  the  long 

■   raid   that    any    dark    eorm-r   may 
give  up  of  his  bull-hotter  firkins.     In 

-  -knlks  behind  a  pillar, 


And  is  only  enticed  from  his  ambush  by  the  bark 
of  some  uuchurned  cur  in  the  street,  or  the  hollow 
cough  of  the  asthmatic  porter  in  the  gallery.  His 
sunken    eyes,    and   his   nervous    apprehension    of 

everything  that  does  not  afford  a  hope  of  its  im 

diate  conversion   into   marketable  grease,  denote 
the  completeness  of   his  isolation   from  the  realm 
of  human  sympathy,  and  the  overshadowing      i 
nitude  of  his  terror,  lest  by  some  mischaiu-L-  he  m  >  . 
be  made  to  absorb  some  of  his  own  nostiness. 

Pekcival  Gilhoom  * 


A     SCENE     AT     THE     PALACE     HOTEL. 


And  exhibiting  the  effusive  admiration  of  the  con- 
stituents of  Senator  Wallis,  of  Nevada  County,  for 


Brown. — H'lo,  Jones  ! 

Jokes  -H'lo  !  What  you  doing  with  somebody's 
gripsack  ? 

Bin  >WN.  — Going  to  Monterey  — excursion.  G*- 
long  ? 

Jokes. — Heaven  forbid  !  I've  just  sent  my  c  ml 
up  to  Mrs.  Green,  and  am  waiting  for  the  portej 
to  return  with  an  answer.  How  can  I  go  to  Mon 
terey  ? 

BROWN — My  dear  fellow  the  train  will  start  in 
three  quarters  of  an  hour.  Ticket  good  for  three 
weeks.  Plenty  time.  Go  change  your  tojs  and 
come  along, 

Jokes. — No  you  don't.  I've  been  bitten  that 
way  before.  Last  time  our  friend  Front  took  up 
my  card  at  this  hotel  I  wiled  away  the  time  by  go- 
ing to  Sacramento,  and  on  my  return  I  found  that 
the  black  rascal  had  got  down  an  hour  before  and 
given  the  answer  to  a  bald-headed  old  galoot,  and 
had  forgotten  what  it  was.  He  remembere  t  the 
elderly  party  as  having  sent  up  a  card  in  the  days 
of  his  youth  and  supposed  he  was  entitled  to  ;  n 
answer. 

Bkown — Of  course  you  found  out  what  the  an' 
swer  was. 

JONES. — It  took  me  all  summer.  The  lady  ha  1 
said  she  didn't  want  to  see  me.  Bet  I  don't  miss 
any  more  calls  by  trying  to  kill  time.  I  camp 
right  here  and  catch  my  message  on  the  fly. 
Write  me  what  kind  of  a  time  you  are  having. 

Brown. — Done.  Address  you  here,  I  s'pose 
Got  your  blankets  I 

Jones. — 'Course.     Ta-ta  1 
Brown.— 'Bye  !     Exit  Brown. 


A  young  Brooklyn  husband  ludn't  finished  half 
a  dozen  chapters  of  a  work  on  geology  before  In- 
observed  to  his  wife  :  "  My  dear,  I  wonder  if  the 
women  of  the  glacial  epoch  had  colder  feet  than 
you."— Schaft's  Saturday  Night. 

"  Heaven  lies  about  us  in  our  infancy"  aayj 
Wordsworth,  but  it  is  this  world  that  lies  about  us 
wdien  ve  grow  up  and  run  for  office 


THE     WASP 


SATURDAY,  -  -  FEBRUARY  17,  1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERT  SATURDAY,    AT  MO  AND  5*3  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

One  copy,  one  year,  or  52  numbers S5  00 

One  copy,  six  months,  or  26  numbers 2  50 

One  copy  for  thh-teen  weeks 125 

Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 

The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 

All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp:  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.  W.  A.Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

No  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 

We  are  now  in  the  middle  of  February  and  have 
not  had  a  quarter  of  the  rainfall  that  is  required. 
We  may  have  the  rest  and  we  may  not — no  one 
can  say.  If  not  we  shall  have  a  water  famine  in 
this  city,  and  a  water  famine  means  imminent 
danger  of  the  destruction  of  the  city  by  fire.  The 
movement  to  compel  the  Water  Company  to  pro- 
tect the  city  is  honest  and  sincere.  It  originated 
with  the  insurance  companies,  but  their  interest 
in  the  matter,  amounting  to  $185,042,1175,  is 
comparatively  small.  The  value  of  the  property 
uninsursd  is  immensely  greater.  Moreover,  we  do 
hot  want  our  city  destroyed  for  the  insurance 
money.  We  have  taken  some  pains  to  ascertain 
the  feeling  among  underwriters,  and  in  every  case 
have  found  the  liveliest  apprehension  as  to  the  fu- 
ture. By  the  representatives  of  several  foreign 
companies  we  are  assured  that  unless  some  practi- 
cal solution  of  the  question  can  be  found  they  will 
refuse  further  risks  and  eventually  their  compa- 
nies will  withdraw  their  agencies  altogether.  If 
then  the  local  companies,  whose  risks  already  ag- 
gregate $5,100,251,  continue  doing  business  here, 
which  is  doubtful,  they  will  greatly  advance  their 
rates,  and  being  unable  to  re-insure  their  risks, 
will  themselves  be  bankrupted  by  a  general  confla- 
gration, and  their  policy  holders  get  nothing.  The 
current  rates  of  insurance  were  not  established  in 
contemplation  of  such  peril  as  is  now  before  us.  A 
factor  in  determining  them  was  the  Water  Com- 
pany's promise  to  increase  the  capacity  of  its  mains 
and  connect  the  Crystal  Springs  reservoir  directly 
with  the  city — which  it  now  flatly  refuses  to  do, 
for  the  reason  that  it  has  no  longer  a  voice  in  de- 
termining its  rates,  and  therefore  no  assurance  of 
a  just  return  for  the  necessary  outlay  ;  because  it 
iB  subjected  to  exceptional  taxation  ;  because  the 
present  municipal  officers  are  pledged  to  a  reduc- 
tion of  its  income  ;  because  its  bills  overdue  are 
unpaid,  the  money  twice  appropriated  for  their 
payment  having  been  coolly  applied  to  other  pur- 
poses and  characteristically  stolen. 

This  is  a  matter  that  will  not  stand  aside  ;  it  too 
nearly  concerns  every  man,  woman  and  child  in 
this  town.  That  the  Water  Company  must  make 
the  necessary  improvements  is  beyond  question  ; 
that  it  must  bear  the  immediate  expense  our  im- 
poverished treasury  does  not  permit  us  to  doubt. 
But  it  should  receive  some  assurance  against  the 
practical  confiscation,  not  only  of  the  money  so  in- 
vested, but  of  its  present  plant  and  franchise.  We 
are  not  enamored  of  monopolies  and  corporations, 
but   this   one,  sinner  that   it   is,  has  been  pretty 


badly  treated.  For  example,  it  has  gone  to  great 
expense  in  increasing  the  capacity  of  its  reservoirs 
and  mains  and  for  hydrants,  with  no  other  object 
than  the  protection  of  the  city  from  fire.  It  is 
evident  that  the  less  water  that  is  used  in  extin- 
guishing fires  the  stronger  is  the  testimony  to  the 
adequacy  of  these  precautions.  Yet,  under  the 
present  law,  the  Company,  if  ever  paid  at  all  for 
this  service,  must  be  paid  by  the  measured  gallon. 
Nothing  could  be  more  idiotically  dishonest.  A 
parallel  swindle,  though  with  another  set  of  vic- 
tims, is  the  system  of  compelling  rate-payers  to 
bear  the  whole  burden  of  water  payment,  while 
the  mere  property  owners,  with  vastly  greater  in- 
terest in  the  security  of  the  city  from  fire,  pay 
practically  nothing.  While  John  Smith,  an  artisan 
occupying  a  rented  house,  is  taxed  say  four  dollars 
monthly  for  water,  such  firms  as  Murphy,  Grant  & 
Co.,  Levi  Strauss  &  Co.  and  Wellman,  Peck  & 
Co.,  carrying  stocks  of  goods  worth  hundreds  of 
thousands  of  dollars  in  buildings  worth  as  much 
more,  pay  a  dollar  and  six  bits.  The  cheerful 
land-grabber  who  lets  his  lots  lie  unimproved, 
while  better  men  enhance  their  value  by  building 
all  about  them,  pays  not  a  nickel.  This,  however, 
is  a  matter  for  future  amending ;  the  question  for 
immediate  consideration  by  our  city  officials  is  how 
to  prevent  the  town  from  becoming  an  ash-heap 
without  violating  their  pledge  to  be  as  dishonest  as 
they  can. 


The  Railroad  has  been  beaten  badly,  and  on  its 
own  ground.  Through  its  creature,  Lieutenant- 
Governor  Daggett,  it  succeeded  in  packing  two  im- 
portant Senate  committees,  that  on  Corporations 
and  that  on  Federal  Relations.  To  the  latter  of 
these  was  referred  the  Del  Yalle  resolution  me- 
morializing Congress  against  the  "consolidation  " 
scheme,  and  the  Committee  obediently  made  an 
adverse  report.  Nevertheless,  the  Senate  promptly 
passed  the  resolution,  and  it  went  to  Washington 
as  California's  protest  against  the  giant  swindle. 
The  passage  of  the  Barry  bill  by  the  Assembly  was 
another  knock-down  blow.  The  bill  is  now  before 
the  Senate,  and  a  powerful  Railroad  lobby,  headed 
by  le  Due  de  Sac,  Mr.  W.  W.  Stow,  is  campaign- 
ing against  it,  but  there  is  every  prospect  that  it 
will  go  through.  These  disasters,  actual  and  pros- 
pective, have  stricken  the  stiffiening  from  the  Rail- 
road pride,  and  Mr.  A.  N.  Towne  is  bending  his 
corrigible  back  and  parting  his  coat-tails  before 
the  Commissioners,  begging  them  not  to  kick  too 
hard.  But  Mr.  Pixley,  not  having  received  the 
new  mandate  of  supplication,  openly  charges  a 
former  Governor  of  the  State  with  dishonesty, 
affirming  with  the  shameless  effrontery  of  the  old 
bullying  regime  that  he  didn't  ' '  stay  bought. "  We 
think  Mr.  Pixley's  whip  will  crack  with  a  milder 
explosion  pretty  soon,  and  that  his  tongue,  long 
familiar  with  the  flavor  of  Mr.  Stanford's  boots, 
will  have  an  opportunity  to  compare  with  it  that  of 
the  people's  sturdy  brogans. 


The  Joint  Committee  on  Commerce  and  Naviga- 
tion have  refused  to  make  any  report  of  their  in- 
vestigation of  the  Harbor  and  Pilot  Commissions, 
but  Messrs.  Coleman,  Lynch,  Hughes  and  Cal- 
laghan  have  submitted  a  report  severely  condemn- 
ing the  management  and  methods  of  the  two  Com- 
missions, urging  that  they  be  deposed  and  recom- 
mending a  material  reduction  of  pilot  charges. 
This  report  affirms  what  the  testimony  proves — the 
existence  of  grave  abuses  in  both  departments  of 
the  public  service,  the  prostitution  of  ex-Governor 
Perkins'  prerogatives  to  their  perpetuation  and  a 
characteristically  thievish  condition  of  things  gen- 
erally. If  Senator  Lynch  could  have  had  his  way 
the  investigation  would  have  had  a  wider  scope 
and  the  report  a  sturdier  significance  ;    but  he  was 


unable  to  make  head  against  the  interested  apathy 
of  his  colleagues,  and  it  was  only  by  subordinating 
his  own  vigorous  wishes  to  the  mild  intent  of  his 
colleagues  that  he  was  able  to  get  any  result  at  all 
out  of  an  investigation  that  was  born  without  a 
heart,  lived  without  a  purpose  and  died  unshrivem 
But  a  half-loaf  is  better  than  no  bread,  and  if  the 
Legislature  will  carry  out  the  recommendations  of 
the  four  members  whom  the  Perkins-Goodall  crowd 
could  not  capture  the  investigation  will  not  have; 
been  wholly  in  vain. 


Ever  since  the  dastardly  double  murder  iffl 
Phcenix  Park,  Dublin,  the  Irish  press  in  this  coun- 
try has  been  openly  glorifying  in  the  incorruptible 
fidelity  of  the  Irish  people  to  "the  cause,"  and 
"pointing  with  pride"  to  the  circumstances  that 
although  many  people  in  Dublin  must  have  known 
the  assassins  no  one  would  turn  informer.  To  this 
kind  of  detestable  talk  we  have  all  had  to  listen 
at  times,  even  from  the  lips  of  "Irish-American" 
gentlemen  who,  flatly  accused  of  sympathizing 
with  murder,  would  have  indignantly  resented  the 
charge.  (An  Irish-American  gentleman,  by  tha 
way,  is  commonly  ninety  parts  Irish,  nine  parts 
American  and  one  part  gentleman.)  Now  crops 
out  the  usual  Queen's  evidence  and  "gives  the] 
whole  thing  away,"  an  incident  that  every  man 
having  knowledge  of  the  Irish  character  has  been 
confidently  expecting.  Ireland  is  the  land  of  the] 
"informer;"  it  is  the  only  country  in  the  world] 
where  that  word  has  a  special  and  limited  signifi- 
cation. It  is  a  word  which  has  no  equivalent  in 
any  modern  language.  It  "smacks  of  the  soil." 
Conspirators  "peach"  and  the  accomplices  "squeal," 
the  world  over,  but  you  must  go  to  Ireland  to  find 
the  "informer";  and  having  found  him  you  may 
enjoy  his  companionship  on    the    return   vovage. 


During  the  progress  of  the  Appropriation  Bill  an 
effort  was  made  to  reduce  the  allowance  of  the! 
Viticultural  Commission  from  $20,000  to  $10,000,1 
but  it  was  promptly  defeated.  That  is  right. 
What  the  taxpayers  of  this  State  need  is  morel 
Commissions  with  larger  appropriations.  The  main 
function  of  Government,  as  we  have  the  happiness 
to  understand  the  matter,  is  to  promote  every! 
man's  business  at  the  expense  of  every  other  man's. 
We  are  sorry  to  observe  a  niggardly  tendency  to 
limit  the  application  of  this  noble  theory  to  only 
two  or  three  hundred  of  the  leading  industries— 
that  is,  to  those  which  are  already  so  prosperous 
and  profitable  as  to  have  attracted  attention  and 
sympathy.  Viticulture  and  orticulture  hare  now 
"  fostered  "  twice  :  once  as  viticulture  and  horti- 
culture and  once  as  agriculture.  This  is  ingenious 
and  praiseworthy.  Mining  enjoys  the  advantage 
of  a  State  "  school,  "  a  museum  and  a  salaried 
showman.  The  lawyers,  good  souls,  are  supplied 
with  a  library  at  the  public  expense  ;  that  is  to  say 
the  carpenter  and  the  blacksmith  are  generously 
permitted  to  furnish  the  lawyer  with  the  tools  of 
his  useful  trade.  The  preacher  business  is  profit- 
ably carried  on  in  shops  that  are  exempted  from 
taxation.  The  banks  and  insurance  companies  are 
encouraged  to  declare  themselves  solvent  and  safe 
every  few  months  through  their  respective  Com- 
missions, whom  we  pay  to  advertise  them.  Even 
the  interests  of  the  tooth-carpenter  are  tenderly 
cared  for  by  the  Commonwealth  :  there  is  a  Den- 
tal Department  in  the  State  University.  All  this 
is  good  so  far  as  it  goes,  but  it  is  clear  that  so  long 
as  there  remains  one  industry  or  interest  that  is 
not  permitted  to  thrust  both  arms  into  the  public 
treasury  once  a  year  we  have  not  satisfactorily 
solved  that  ultimate  problem  of  Republican  institu- 
tions :  how  to  live  entirely  off  one  another,  all  sup- 
ported by  the  State  in  the  style  to  which  we  have 
been  accustomed. 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


I  have  not  seen  the  current  number  of  the  Lon- 
lon  Quarterly  Ii<  ri>:iv,  liut  the  Bulletin  of  Saturday 
ast  reprinted  from  it  some  culdly  just  criticism  of 
he  literary  work  of  Messrs.  W,  D.  Howells  and 
Henry  James,  Jr.  Tliese  two  eminent  triners  and 
■;iiiu'it  cutters-in-chief  to  Her  Littleness  the  Bos- 
;onese  small  virgin,  have  fur  some  years  been  the 
tekuowledged  leaders  of  American  literature, 
fheir  measureless,  meaningless  and  unimaginative 
novels,  destitute  of  plot,  destitute  of  purpose,  des- 
titute nf  art,  are  staple  subjects  of  discussion  in 
lOteries  of  the  "cultured.'"  One  may  not  have 
road  Homer,  Goethe  or  Hugo,  but  let  him  look  to 
himself  if  he  have  not  studied  James.  One  may 
venture  to  fall  ill  of  Scott,  but  woe  betide  the 
luckless  wight  unwell  of  too  much  Howells.  For 
there  shall  arise  a  soft-eyed  Creature  of  the  Craze 
and  slay  him  in  the  midst  of  tumultuous  applause. 


Hawthorne,  Bryant,  Emerson,  Longfellow — 
these  are  dead  and  damned.  Whittier,  Lowell, 
Holmes— they  speak  to  averted  understandings. 
These  noble  names  of  a  golden  age  amongst  whose 
palaces  and  temples  we  moved  unaware  gleam  dim 
and  spectral  in  the  enchanted  moondawn  of  their 
successors.  While  yet  the  sky  is  all  ablaze  with 
crimson  glories  of  the  day  that  is  done,  the  orb  of 
the  new  dispensation  unveils  her  fat  and  foolish 
face  and  looks  over  the  hills  like  a  man  with  a 
lantern.  Outlined  against  her  disc  in  transient 
silhouette,  behold  the  figures  of  this  brace  of  no- 
bodies, complacently  enamored  of  their  own  invi- 
rility  and  poring  like  sponges  the  vocal  incense  of 
a  valleyful  of  idiots. 


The  conscious  swains,  rejoicing  in  the  sight, 
Eye  the  blue  vault  and  bless  the  useful  light, 

But  I  venture  to  tell  them  it  is  all  moonshine — 
that  this  new  literature  is  the  offspring  of  mental 
incapacity  wet-nursed  by  a  conspiracy.  The  Amer- 
ican literature  that  is  in  vogue  at  any  one  time  is 
the  literature  of  the  magazines,  the  form  and  di- 
rection being  given  by  the  Atlantic  Monthly,  whose 
editor  may  easily  be  a  fool,  but  ex  officio  he  is  an 
Olympian  deity.  Our  magazines  are  the  advertis- 
ing circulars  of  the  book-publishers  who  own  them. 
Their  function  is  to  ''puff"  the  books  which  first 
appeared  as  serials  in  their  pages.  In  their  pages 
their' writers  "puff"  one  another.  In  the  Atlan- 
tic, for  example,  the  editor,  T.  B.  Aldrich  (a  nerve- 
less, colorless  jelly-fish  of  literature)  will  have  a  long 
laudatory  review  of  W.  D.  Howells.  A  few  months 
later  W.  D.  Howells  will  have  a  long  laudatory  re- 
view of  Henry  James,  Jr.  Later,  Henry  James, 
Jr.,  will  come  to  the  fore  with  a  long  laudatory  re- 
view of  T.  B.  Aldrich,  and  the  circle  is  complete. 
Three  dwarfs  have  towered  above  the  heads  of  their 
fellow  men  by  standing  on  one  another's  shoulders 
in  turn. 


finest  products  of  the  mill  are  James  and  Howells. 
Neither  can  think  and  the  latter  cannot  write.  Si 
can  not  write  at  all.  The  other  day,  in  fulfillment 
of  a  promise,  I  took  a  random  page  Of  this  mans 
work  and  in  twenty  minutes  had  marked  forfcj  Bole- 
cisms— instances  of  the  use  <>f  words  without  a 
sense  of  their  importance  or  a  knowledge  of  their 
meaning— the  substitution  of  a  word  that  he  did 
not  want  for  a  word  that  he  did  imt  think  of.  Con- 
fusion of  thought  leads  to  obscurity  of  expression. 
Without  words  there  is  no  thought,  only  fueling, 
emotion.  Words  are  the  mechanism  of  thought. 
The  master  knows  his  machine,  and  precision  is 
nine  parts  of  stylo.  This  fellow  Howells  thinks 
into  the  hopper  and  the  mangled  thought  comes 
out  all  over  his  cranky  apparatus  in  gobs  and 
splashes  of  expression.  His  loose  locutions  re- 
semble the  clean-cut  rhetoric  of  a  master  as  the 
ropy  riddances  of  a  cowfrog  resemble  the  polished 
and  definite  productions  of  a  lady  linnet. 

At  the  picture  sale  last  week  at  the  rooms  of  the 
Art  Association,  the  following  great  paintings  re- 
mained unsold.  No.  O'Jlj :  Member  of  the  Assem- 
bly saying  to  W.  W.  Stow  ;  "Infamous  corrupter  ! 
Leave  my  presence  and  the  money!"  10IJ4  :  War- 
ren Cheney  and  H.  H.  Bancroft  laying  the  foun- 
dations of  a  distinctively  Californian  literature. 
013 :  Hansen  burning  the  midnight  oil  over 
"the  Life  and  Adventures  of  Jesse  James."  237.r: 
Portrait  of  Dr.  Leversou  as  Silence.  33x187  : 
Frank  Pixley  giving  a  proxy.  21a: :  Revolt  of 
the  Targets;  Major  General  Turnbull  uttering  the 
memorable  words,  "Soldiers,  from  yonder  cattle 
pens  forty  head  of  Texas  steers  are  criticising  this 
stampede  !"  7tyy(30)— 4;  11-;  ^U  ;  Collision 
on  the  Potomac;  General  Sherman  and  Charles 
Crocker  bumping  their  pows  together  trying  to 
kiss  the  same  school-girl.  0,000 :  Full  length 
portrait  of  the  Coroner  as  "The  body  of  an  un- 
known man." 

His  teeth  were  all  chattering  coldly 
In  the  Grand  Hippodrome  Hotel, 

But  he  registered  freely  and  boldly 
His  residence—"  Hell." 

Then  he  pulled  out  his  gun  from  his  pocket 
And  bowed  to  the  gorgeous  clerk, 

Who  paled  at  beholding  him  cock  it, 
But  smiled  at  its  work. 

For  the  suicide  lay  as  if  sleeping 

The  sleep  of  an  innocent  child 
Whom  angels  have  taken  in  keeping — 

And  the  clerk  still  smiled. 

"  What  tickles  my  master  ?  "  the  chap  said 
Who  owned  the  Hotel  Hippodrome. 

"  I'm  laughing  to  think  how  that  sap-head 
Stopped  here  to  go  home  !  " 


the  dual  on  the  gubernatorial  back  with  an  impact 
like  that  of  Vulean  hurled  from  Olympus  to  the 
Leinnian  coast.     "\\  bj    did   you  gel  ofl 
General  Backus,  with  that  facetious  humor  which 

prei  i  mis  his  being  mistaken  for  a  dead  .lam.  "Be- 
cause," replied  the  greal  warrior,  pulling  himself 
together  "because  that  damned  circus  horse  was 
going  to  get  on  !" 


The  public  does  not  "drop  on  to"  this  thrifty 
game  ;  even  the  press  is  deluded  by  it.  The  At- 
lantic has  played  it  boldly  with  marked  cards  since 
its  foundation.  Harper  was  quick  to  emulate,  and 
Tlie  Century  has  been  taken  into  full  fellowship. 
There  is  no  kind  of  cheating  that  this  trinity  of 
literary  blacklegs  do  not  practice  :  their  play  un- 
derstands itself  all  the  time.  Ladies  and  gentle- 
men of  culture,  you  have  the  distinguished  honor 
of  assisting  at  it  as  victims  of  it.  Men  and  women 
of  cultivation  are  otherwise  engaged  at  another 
table. 


After  falling  off  two  or  three  times  His  Excel- 
lency began  to  be  a  very  useful  adjunct  to  the  re- 
view as  something  to  bet  on.  Several  thousands  of 

dollars  changed  hands  durin-j  the  da^  on  the  propu 
sition    that  he  would  or  wouldn't  fall  off  within    a 

stated  time  ;  and   the   marching  was  uncom nly 

wild  because  about  every  third  man  in  the  ranks 
had  his  eyes  averted,  looking  after  his  financial  in- 
terests. Finally  the  Governor  and  his  cavalcade 
of  Field  Marshals  halted  in  front  of  an  undertak- 
er's shop  and  the  famous  soldier  was  lured  from 
his  saddle  by  the  report  that  a  dead  man  could  be 
seen  inside,  and  an  officer  who  had  a  wager  on  his 
sitting  powers  made  himself  solid  in  that  regard  by 
dishonestly  smearing  the  pig-skin  with  warm  glue. 
The  Governor  stuck  on  very  well  after  that,  but 
when  at  the  close  of  the  review  he  dismounted 
in  the  court  yard  of  the  Palace  Hotel  they  had  to 
cut  away  the  whole  rear  elevation  of  his  trousers 
and  pin  his  coat-tails  together  to  conceal  the 
wound. 


Charles  Crocker  was  explaining  the  object  of  the 
Southern  Pacific  Railroad  Company  in  its  great 
consolidation  scheme  : 

"It  are  now,"  said  he,  with  that  heavenly  re- 
gard for  grammar  which  serves  to  distinguish  him 
from  a  horse-block,  (ta  State  corporation;  the  inter- 
ests of  the  public  requires  it  to  be  national," 

"Mr.  Crocker,"    said  Judge  Q.,  gravely,    ' 
prehend  that  you  mean  discriminational." 
Lost.     But  then  it  wasn't  much  of  a  joke. 


'lap- 


It  was  Mr.  Crocker  who  was  the  victim  of  the 
late  John  B.  Felton's  felicitous  quotation  from 
Macbeth.  A  number  of  gentlemen  and  Mr. 
Crocker  were  in  conversation,  and  he,  relating 
some  experience  of  his  own,  repeated  witli  insuffer- 
able frequency  the  words  :  "I  done  it."  Felton 
trained  his  eyes  upon  him  and  said  in  a  tone  of  se- 
rious reproach  :     "Thou  can'st  not  say  I  did  it." 


An  Illinois  parson  fell  dead  at  the  feet  of  a  cou- 
ple whom  he  had  just  pronounced  husband  and 
wife,  and  the  newspapers  record  it  as  an  "  untime- 
ly death."  In  a  few  years  the  husband  and  wife 
will  feelingly  aver  that  it  was  :  he  will  seem  to 
them  to  have  died  about  thirty  seconds  too  late. 


Out  of  all  this  are  evolved  literary  reputations. 
Men  of  letters  manufacture  one  another.     The  two 


Governor  Stoneman  will  hold  a  review  of  the 
Second  Brigade  on  Washington's  birthday.  Last 
year  it  was  held  by  Governor  Perkins,  and  had  one 
feature  of  interest  which  it  will  lack  this  year.  The 
Commander-in-Chief  had  a  pretty  soft  seat  in  the 
saddle,  but  it  wasn't  a  firm  one.  He  had  been  in- 
fantry all  his  life,  at  least  ever  since,  as  adamboy, 
he  had  bestridden  the  broad-backed  porker  and 
witched  the  world  with  noble  hogmanship;  and 
once,  when  his  horse,  striking  at  a  fly,  caught  its 
hind  foot  in  the  stirrup  and  hopped  rather  awk- 
wardly,   the   Commander-in-Chief  dismounted   in 


The  Austrian  Court  of  Appeals  has  confirmed 
the  sentence  of  the  manager  of  the  Ring  Theater 
for  not  providing  proper  means  of  egress  in  case  of 
fire.  There  is  a  lesson  in  this  which  the  manager 
of  the  California  Theater  would  do  well  to  take  to 
heart.  I  don't  know  that  there  is  any  danger  of 
fire  at  his  establishment,  but  there  are  very  inade- 
quate means  of  escape  from  his  plays.  What  is 
needed  is  a  series  of  wide  doors  opening  outwards, 
through  which  the  house  can  be  emptied  in  three 
minutes  from  the  first  warning  cry  that  the  cur- 
tain is  about  to  go  up. 


The  devil,  I  suspect,  is  somewhat  disturbed  by 
the  decision  of  the  Austrian  Court.  His  place,  too, 
is  poorly  supplied  with  means  of  egress  in  case  of 
fire. 


The  "Bible  Students"  of  the  Berkeley  Univer- 
sity have  had  a  set  discussion  of  the  character  of 
Joseph.  Opinions  were  as  various  as  the  colors  in 
the  famous  variegated  coat,  but  in  this  chromatic 
medley  the  unanimous  contempt  of  the  female 
members  asserted  itself  like  a  broad,  unbroken 
patch  of  blazing  scarlet. 


THE     WASP 


SOCIETY, 


Clementina's  Letter, 


Dear  Tehama  :— Event  lias  followed  close  upon 
event  in  such  rapid  and  bewildering  succession  that 
it  seems  but  yesterday  since  my  last  letter  to  you. 
Our  society  people  have  lived  day  and  night  in  a 
whirl  of  delicious  excitement  and  the  Island  has 
seemed  like  a  sweet  poem  of  fairy  land,  or  a  clam 
bake  at  Saucelito.  Glimpses  have  we  caught  of 
beauteous  faces  flashing  for  brief  instants  betwixt 
the  silken  curtains  of  sedan  chairs,  their  owners 
flitting  like  fire-flies  from  reception  to  candy-pull, 
from  German  to  dime  social,  from  pink  domino 
Hula  to  commerce  party,  from  musicale  to  poi-poi 
lunch  and  then  chasseeing  back  again,  swinging 
round  the  circle  of  festivities  like  an  American 
dowager  swinging  for  a  financial  pedro,  or  a  tainted 
widow  swinging  for  a  rich  and  guileless  husband. 
These,  my  dear  Tehama,  are  the  scenes  that  greet 
me  at  every  turn,  scarcely  giving  me  time  to  un- 
lace my  corsets  before  I  am  buttoning  my  bottines 
for  another  schiendhig.  Speaking  of  events,  how- 
ever, I  really  must  tell  you  of  the  most  recherche  af- 
fair that  has  fluttered  our  cercle  choisi  since  the  tat- 
tooing of  her  Royal  Highness  the  Princess  Bhridg- 
ghette.  I  allude  to  the  Tympani  given  by  the 
Hon.  Mrs.  T.  Jinks,  the  charming  consort  of  the 
Secretary  of  the  American  Legation  at  this  place. 
Commodore  Harrison  had  placed  his  elegant  fore 
and  aft  yacht  Colic  at  the  disposal  of  the  lady, 
having  known  her  intimately  while  she  was  con- 
vulsing society  in  San  Francisco  about  a  year  ago. 
San  Francisco  society  will  also  have  a  lasting  re- 
collection of  Mr.  Jinks.  He  disappeared  from 
your  city  rather  suddenly,  you  will  remember, 
about  the  time  that  the  quarterly  assessment  of 
the  Silent  Siren  G.  and  S.  M.  Co. ,  was  paid  in  by 
the  confiding  stockholders.  Having  done  some 
service  to  the  State  as  Commissary  at  Yreka  during 
the  Modoc  war,  he  was  rewarded  by  a  grateful  Ad- 
ministration with  the  remunerative  appointment 
he  now  holds  with  so  much  honor  to  a  great  and 
powerful  nation  and  profit  to  himself.  But  reve- 
nons  a  notre  Tympani,  and  know  you,  my  dear  Te- 
hama, that  Tympani  is  the  Fijian  synonym  for 
Kettledrum ;  know  you  also  that  your  "kettle- 
drum" is  here  considered  a  misnomer,  our  best  so- 
ciety regarding  the  entertainments  so-called  in  the 
States  as  base  snares  set  by  artful  mammas  and 
chaperones  to  entrap  the  innocent  male  virgin  of 
the  jeunesse,  or  genus,  doree. 

But  that  is  neither  here  nor  there.  Our  party, 
a  numerous  and  brilliant  bevy,  assembled  at  the 
sea-wall  at  the  aj>pointed  hour,  3  P.  M. ,  and  were 
conveyed  across  a  crystalline  sea  of  heaving  azure, 
flashing  back  its  defiance  in  ruby  and  opaline  darts 
at  the  tropical  sun  which  dared  to  pry  into  the 
deep  secrets  of  its  throbbing  heart.  On  rounding 
the  Point  Minnie  Yum  Yum  (kiss-the-water — 
how  poetical  these  dear  natives  are  !)  what  a  sight 
met  our  enraptured  gaze  !  There,  in  the  post-me- 
ridian splendor  of  a  cloudless  sky,  over  the  bosom 
of  the  mighty  deep  floated  the  gorgeous  bunting  of 
our  native  land — the  terror  of  tyrants — the  star 
spangled  banner.  Beneath  the  ensign  of  liberty 
(and  appropriations,)  like  a  stormy  petrel  in  a  calm 
at  sea,  floated  the  Colic,  the  pride  of  the  gilded 
yachtsman  and  the  wonder  of  Dan  O'Connell.  It 
was  a  sight  to  make  the  fortune  of  a  Clark  Russell 
or  a  Warren  Cheney — a  marine  picture  that  would 
almost  write  or  paint  itself.  The  gallant  crew  of 
the  Colic  manned  the  yards  and  a  military  band- 
engaged  for  the  occasion  greeted  us  with  the  home- 
sick strains  of  "Yankee  Doodle."  The  ladies  of 
our  party  were  swung  upon  the  deck  by  means  of 
a  block  and  tackle,  not  a  very  dignified  method  of 
boarding  a  yacht,  I  must  confess;  but  one  must 
sometimes  sacrifice  even  propriety  at  society's  be- 
hest. Only  one  accident  occurred  to  mar  the 
pleasures  of  the  occasion.  Rear  Admiral  Yung 
Bee,  of  the  Chinese  Turtle  fleet,  while  attempting 
to  show  us  ladies  how  to  climb  over  the  bulwarks 
via  the  ratlines  without  using  his  dainty  feet,  lost 
his  hold  and  fell  "ker-swash"  into  the  briny  deep. 
.He  was  speedily  fished  out  with  a  boat  hook,  but 
was  inconsolable  during  the  remainder  of  the 
evening  over  the  loss  of  his  elegant  button-hole 
bouquet. 

AYe  were  ushered  into  a  spacious  saloon  rendered 
commodious  for  the  occasion  by  the  removal  of  the 
bunks  and  partitions  separating  the  Commodore's 
cabin  from  the  forecastle.  The  salon  had  been 
handsomely  decorated  and  the  effect  of  the  bright 
sunlight  flashing  through  the  dead  lights  set  off  the 
bits   of   tastefully  contrasted  color  a  n<<:rcetfk,  re- 


minding me  forcibly  of  a  similar  effect  produced  by 
the  sunlight  streaming  through  the  chinks  of  the 
deck  of  the  United  States  man-of-war  Lackawana, 
on  the  occasion  of  the  hop  tendered  by  the  officers 
of  that  pride  of  the  American  navy  when  she  was 
in  these  waters  last  summer.  The  Tympani  was  a 
superb  success  in  every  particular.  Our  genial 
hostess  fairly  surpassed  herself  and  added  another 
wreath  of  laurel  to  her  social  crown.  All  the  deli- 
cacies of  the  season  were  provided,  and  I  assure 
you  that  our  party  did  full  justice  to  the  repast. 
The  attendance  was  all  that  could  be  desired,  and 
only  two  plates  of  marmalade  were  spilled  by  the 
waiters,  one  of  which  ruined  the  back  breadth  of 
Mrs.  Gen.  Debility's  crushed  banana  satin,  and 
the  other  streaking  the  silk  bodice  worn  by  Mrs 
Col.  Sangfroid.  Speaking  of  the  attendance,  I  no- 
ticed, among  the  waiters,  who  were  members  of 
the  crew  and  consequently  of  the  yacht  club  of 
which  the  Colic  is  an  appendage,  several  familiar 
faces  of  dry  goods  clerks,  grocery  clerks,  insurance 
agents  and  other  nautical  society  men,  but  I  could 
not  consistently  address  any  of  them,  under  the 
circumstances,  etiquette  forbidding  any  such  fa- 
miliarity during  the  Tympani.  After  the  cravings 
of  our  inordinate  appetites  had  been  satisfied  the 
upper  decks  were  cleared  for  the  Hula-hula.  The 
dance  was  led  by  Admiral  Yung  Bee  and  Mrs. 
Jinks,  the  whole  company  participating  with  a 
zest  equal  to  that  of  the  natives  themselves  from 
whom  the  foreign  portion  of  the  population  have 
received  it  in  all  its  pristine  fascination.  At  some 
other  time  I  shall  describe  this  lovely  dance.  Suf- 
fice it  to  say  that  the  Hula-hula  is  not  quite  as  in- 
decent as  some  varieties  of  our  own  dear,  wick'ed 
waltz,  while  at  the  same  time  it  is  somewhat  more 
piquant  than  the  deservingly  popular  German  which 
it  resembles  in  many  respects.  On  this  occasion 
some  original  figures  were  introduced,  notable 
among  which  was  "the  little  ape  figure,"  in  which 
the  lady  passes  down  a  line  of  gentlemen  executing 
a  refined  jig  step,  presenting  a  diminutive  monkey 
to  each  gentleman  as  she  skips  along.  The  gen- 
tleman whom  thfe  monkey  embraces  must  consider 
himself  the  partner  of  the  lady  during  the  remain- 
der of  the  evening.  Favors  were  also  distributed. 
Admiral  Yung  Bee  received  a  handsomely  en- 
graved and  brilliantly  illuminated  certificate  enti- 
tling him  to  return  to  the  United  States  whenever 
he  may  desire  to  confer  that  inestimable  honor 
upon  our  great  and  glorious  nation.  The  favor  was 
presented  by  Mrs.  Jinks.  Mr.  Albion  Chisel'em, 
who  recently  arrived  from  San  Francisco,  received 
a  beautifully  embossed  assessment  notice  done  in 
blue  and  gold,  symbolic  of  the  state  of  mind  of  the 
Albion  shareholders.  This  favor  was  presented  by 
Mrs.  Gen.  Hegira.  But  I  must  not  weary  you 
with  details. 

The  costumes  of  the  ladies  were  rich  and  elegant 
but  I  have  not  time  in  this  letter  to  describe  them. 
Read  the  next  full-dress  affair  published  in  the 
Tuesday  supplement  of  the  Call,  and  substitute  the 
following  names  of  the  ladies  composing  our  party 
in  each  dress  description:  Mrs.  T.  Jinks,  Mrs. 
A.  M.  P.  Y.  H.  Dickeson,  Mrs.  Simpson  Mach- 
ghlahthrarkee,  Mrs.  Lydia  Pinkham,  Mrs.  Stow, 
Mrs.  General  Toadie,  Mrs.  Colonel  Parvenu,  Mrs. 
Major  Weevil.  Mrs.  Captain  Hogg,  Mrs.  Lieuten- 
ant Giltedge,  Mrs.  General  Hegira.  There  were  a 
number  of  other  ladies  present,  but  they  were 
simply  ordinary  women— the  wives  and  daughters 
of  clerks,  missionaries,  tradesmen,  attaches,  news- 
paper reporters  and  sailors.  Among  the  gentle- 
men were  Admiral  Yung  Bee,  Senior  Vice-Com- 
mander Wun  Lung,  Junior  Vice-Commander  Tu 
Lung  and  Boatswain  Sing  Hi,  of  the  turtle  fleet ; 
Commodore  Harrison,  Captain  Cheese,  Sailingmas- 
ter  Cutlet,  Lieutenant  Tape  and  Boatswain  Rum- 
angum,  of  the  Colic.  The  military  was  represented 
by  General  John  Fussandfeathers,  General  I.  X. 
L.  Stables,  General  Debility,  General  A.  S.  H.  Bar- 
rell,  General  B.  E.  E.  R,  Kegge,  General  M.  I.  L. 
K.  Paille,  General  Average,  General  Bucket, 
General  Orders,  Major  Scale,  Major  Drum,  and 
others. 

And  now,  my  dear  Tehama,  I  must  say  ax  revoir, 
hoping  that  you  are  enjoying  yourself  in  your  cir- 
cle of  society  as  thoroughly  as  I  am  in  mine.  I  re- 
ceive the  supplements  regularly  and  take  pleasure 
in  observing  that  your  name  appears  as  a  guest  in 
most  of  the  events  reported  therein.  Write  to  me 
soon  and  give  me  all  the  suppressed  gossip  and 
scandal  of  the  town.  I  am  certain  you  must  have 
quite  a  budget  of  rich,  rare  and  pungent  develop- 
ments which  even  the  Chronicle  does  not  dare  to 
publish.  Clementina. 

Hottongvillc,  Sockt>t  Islands,  Dec.  15, 1882. 


BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

will  cure  dyspepsia,heartbuni,  mala- 
ria, kidney  disease,  liver  complaint, 
and  other  wasting  diseases. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

enriches  the  blood  and  purifies  the 
system;  cures  weakness,  lack  of 
energy,  etc.     Try  a  bottle. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

is  the  only  Iron  preparation  that 
does  not  color  the  teeth,  and  will  not 
cause  headache  or  constipation,  as 
other  Iron  preparations  will. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

Ladies  and  all  sufferers  from  neu- 
ralgia, hysteria,  and  kindred  com- 
plaints, will  find  it  without  an  equal. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the   Kidneys   and 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  Hie  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 
Ml  £k  I  £1  PI  O  Ifyou  aresuffering  from 
lea  CI  I  CI  B  Ids  malaria,  have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  win  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the   Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
±1-    SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS.    Price  £1. 


KIDNEY-WaET 


SW  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.    D.    SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applyim;  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.      Communications  strictly 


THE    WASP. 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

learner  ol  thisOompuq  aril]  ai]  rron  Bi  idn  ■■ 
gWlMrt.vih  ftaaclgco,  for  portsin  0&Uforaia,  Ore- 
k'on.  WLishinu-tou  and  Idaho  Territories,  British 
»  I  kuumbla  and  Alaska,  u  follows  : 
<  iilir.irnla  Sonllioru  funs)  Itonl.-.  The  Stearuere  ORI- 
ZABA and  AN'C<»  sail  even- live  dava  at  9  a.m.  for  Ban  Ins 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Loa  Angela  iad  San  in..-  u  follows  - 
ORIZABA,  loth,  20th  and  80th  --i  each  month.  \\r,,\ 
and  26th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  kNGELES  Mllseven 
Wednesday  at  8  A.  M.  (or  Santa  Crai,  Monterey,  s  in  Simeon  Cay- 
oces,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  ami  San  Buenaventura. 

JSTiUH11    t'ol™ml>'«    ■•nil    Alaska    Route.— Steamship 

EUREKA,     carrying    I.   s.    Mails,    nils    Irom   Portland     On 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend    YV  T    Vic- 
toria and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and 'Ha'rrUburg 

Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  1-n  .  t 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month.    " 

Victoria  and  Paget  Sound  Konte.— The  SteamersOEO  » 

ELOLI:  ind  DAKOTA, carrying  HarBrittaiii..>.Majestv'saiid  L'nitcd 
States  mails,  sad  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco  at  2  p  » 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  0  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Stcilacoom  and  Olvmpia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc-.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  iVanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Vale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.  a.  on  the  9th,  19th  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esriui- 
mault)  at  11  a.  m.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
pfole.—  When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports*  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORI  4 
sails  for  New  «  cstmuistcr  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Gvmy.. 

Portland.  Oregon,  Ronle.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis. 
patch  from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREfl.iN  or  n  H  I'M- 
BIA,  carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co  's 
El-press,  every  V\  ednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A.  M.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

-nSHSl™  a*a  Huuiboldt  Bay  Route Steamer  CITY  OF 

,J?  c  ,  „  "8  from  Slln  Fn>neisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every'  Wednesday  at  9  A.  M. 

oTP™'„^rena  an<l  Mendocino  Route— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Ituss  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  ......  is56 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate   Cushion, 

Guaranteed  fop  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S I  X  T  H . 

Prices  20  per  cent.  Lover  than  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 

IS"  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "m. 

BILLIARDS! 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD-ROOM   NOISE  -  SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHaV  <  JEK.VII  A  \.t  -uiliii.  ii fal  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
Slperdoz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers. 


RUPTURE 

Believed  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  mnict,  by 
Dr.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  bad  ca.=es  befcre  and 
-after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


I  BURR  &  FINK, 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,    tlameda,    Vrwark,   San    .1 lu  «iuio«. 

Glenwood,  Pel ami  Santa  Crru. 

P"  ri  u  »i  '■  *  1  *i  ,. .  Soinn  m-.  -. ,,  -,. 

''->»''.'    Mont. 
saj  1  \  cri  /.  thai 

! 
rootol  Marktt  stl 

8 •'in  *"■."•'  ■' 'il;" "  ,|r»-  "">- 

iUU  sells,  -Mr.  Eden,   AJvarado,    Ha] 

'■■■-■'■■■■■    Vcti     -    -  :  .     Clara,  si\  JOSE,    1 0 

Aim...  Wright;,  II-.  ., 

in-.  0  ta  1  \  -  );i  z,  1  in.  ing  IS  M. 

2-li(\   '      ''     '  irk,  Cen- 

■UW  temlle,  Alviso,  Agnemi,  Santa  1  iSBandLoe 

Gatoe.    Throng mm  t  CBUZevcrj  Saturday. 

i.On  '    U.  (Sundaya  excepted),  ror  8AK  JOSE  and  interraedi- 

H-.OU  at.  atatjona 

(lU  Sundays.  Sportsmen's  Train.  4^0  A 

Ull    !-..... -s, 1,. I...,,  ,1  ,-,;|.-,  p.  M.. arri.i.:.  .  I. 

(jje  EXCURSIONS   TO   SANTA   CRUZ  AND   02.50  TO  SAM 

tPU  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return   until  Mi 

TO    OAKLAND    AMD    ALAMEDA. 

§0:30— 7:30— S:S0— 9:30— 10:30-ll;:;i.  A.  M.  "  12  liu  1:30— 2-30— 
3:30—1:30— 5:30— 6:30— 75S0— 10:011  and  1130  P.  M. 

From  I  ..ui-i.-.-nlh  mid  Webster  streets,  Oakland  66:67 
—§6:67— 7S7— 8:52— 952— 10:62— 1[U:52  A.  SI.  IS  :.J-1:52— 2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Alameda— s:.:15— §6:45— 7:45— ?::  -:  : 
—10:35-111:35  A.  M.  12:35-1:35— 2:35— 3:35- 435-5:35-0:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

Sliail...  Sundays  excepted.     *i  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  ear  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it.  * 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  222  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and   Webster,    Oakland  ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.   M.  CAKRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt 


Citizens'  Lns.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350.000 
Farragut  Fire  Lns.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  "  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,      -      —      .      "         141,000 
Oflice— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRAN0IS0O,  OAL. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Klmwood,    Glemvood,    Hudson-   and   Our  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  EUIWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing-  a  Range,  as 
thej-  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Cheek  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.   RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


,  AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT. 
These  KEYS  are  sold 
by  all  WATCHMAKERS  and  JEWELERS  on  the  PACIFIC 
COAST.     By  Mail,  25  CfiDts. 

BIRCH  &  CO-  36  Dey  Btreet,  New  York, 


f-  QWEET  AS  THE  ROSE."    Beautiful  new  set  of  Gilt  Palettes 
O     by  mail,  on  receipt  of  two  3c.  stamps. 


Nassau  Street,  New  York. 


WHITING,  50 

Jn-31 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel   I  n  trance, 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AMi  

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH    THEIH    l  \i..i   E  AND  >DTES*01    1UVEK 

,     Pacific 

I  n  the  Colombia  o.WaI1« 

1 
■    i 
Up  the  Pern)  d'OreUlc  Dlrlnlon 

Spraffue,  Snoka        i  ,  |  ai|   poinU  In 

•. 
I  i>  tin'   WlllnmelKc  Vallcj 

i»i»«  ii  iIm  <  olnmbln  [uq  »c«no« 

I 
Over  i"  I'h^.-i  si.iimi    To  Tacoma,  Olympl*,  8e»ttlo,  Port 
Townsend 

■   . 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

I>;iih   Since* 

direct  for  Hlasonla  and  ill  m  igl ring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 
Bap'l 
Snii  Frniirlsi'u  oiiin-    .'ii  Honlffomerj  St. 


1863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL, 
file  most    complicated  cases  of   defective   vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free  of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^•AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. & 


Doniscii.-    Apotheke. 


MALDONADO    PHARMACY, 

36  Geary  Street, 
EDWARD   NEUMANN, 

PHARMACIST   :iinl    CI1EMIST, 


Faraiacle    ICallana. 


CARD  COLLECTORS.      A  handsome  set  of  cards  for   3-cent 
sto-nip.      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y.  Mr-10 


Merchant    Tailors. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SAC  RAMEN  TO    ADVERTISERS 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  «3"The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 

RUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  S:  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
-  and  Lodging,  per  week.  So.  Board,  per  week,  $4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  23"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 

CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  stree .,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


B 


DR  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach,  i*-  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  USTrepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco.  

GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  «S"  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cdbe  has  NO  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal.  ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm"  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
aS"  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
'  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1S50  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  43"  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  "iven  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  


LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal..  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
'  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
S^~  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC.  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     S^A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  33*  Clocks, 
Watches  and  jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  4SThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


rtjc   4-|-v  QQI°|  Per  day  at  home.    Samples  worth  So  free. 


I  Address  Stinsox  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


HEN.WY    TlEfJEN.  .      . 

(%','hENJJY  AHRENS.rilS  •  TH. V. •ORSTEL. 


•14-2-fl-r"  1*3+ '%ks "'PINE  ST  NEAR  .pOL« 


*Ekss,?f£  iJ/vJi'&s, 


Tt£szj:a-  b't. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR   "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process   Flour" — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co   proprietors. 


AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,     CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURXHARrS     ARTETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.     ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;   325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     83T  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  So.  Per  day,  SI  to  91,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  B8T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  B3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  Ifil  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Calne,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
"dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 

ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ^^Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  §500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  ®  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  C.  Hushes, 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.  Merchant.  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


3  O    DAYS'    TRIAL    FREE  I 

We  send  free  on  30  days'  trial  Dr.  Dye's  Electro- Voltaic 
Belts  and  other  electric  appliances  to  Men  suffering 
from  Nervous  Debility,  Lost  Vitality  and  Kindred 
Troubles.  Also  for  Klieaiiuiatism,  Liver  and  Kidney 
Troubles,  and  many  other  diseases.  Speedy  Lures  guaran- 
teed.    Illustrated  pamphlets  free.     Address 

VOLTAIC  BELT  CO.,  Marshall,  Mien. 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£*y J)  O  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
\"">  t<C  ?3  Francisco  —  Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  LostM&nhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  haB  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
sof  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
?make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Persons'at  a' distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resouable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WARP. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT5  S 

COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

—  op  — 

Cubebs    and   Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 

STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the   VIost    Delicate. 


<Tbis  Engraving  represents  the  Lung  a  la  b.  healthy  state. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 
Coughs,  Colds, 
Croup. 

And  Other  Throat  and    Lung 
A  flections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybodv  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it   has  No  Equal. 

For  Sale  by  nil  Medicine  Dealers. 

When  I  say  cure,  I  do  not  mean 
merely  to  stop  them  for  a  time  and 
then  have  them  return  again,  I 
mean  a  radical  cure.  I  havo  made 
the  disease  of"  FITS,  EPILEPSY  or  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  life-long 
study.  I  warrant  my  remedy  to  cure  the  worst  cases.  Because  others 
have  failed  Is  uo  reason  for  not  now  receiving  a  cure.  Send  at  once 
for  a  treatise  and  a  Free  Bottlu  of  my  Infallible  remedy.  Give  Express 
and  Post  Office.  It  coats  you  nothing  for  a  trial,  and  I  will  cure  vou. 
Address  Dr.  H.  G.  BOOT,  lea  Pearl  Street,  New  York. 


I  CURE  FITS 


THE     WASP. 


11 


O'GRADY    AND     THE    CONSUL. 


A   Study   in   Dipf in 

From  January   16,  1879,  to  July  30,    1882,  Don 
Patrico  <  I'Grady  was  a  great  man  in  San  Bias.  For 
a  consideration,   he   had   hired   himsell   and    liie 
talents  to  Don   Manuel    Carpena,    merchant  and 
land-owner,    carrying    himself  the  while  with    so 
masterful  a  carriage  thai    Bocial    San    Bias  ivaa 
divided  as  to   whether   Senor   Carpena   employed 
Senor  O'Grady,  or   Don    Patrico  was  the   patron 
of  Don  Manuel.     Our  Irish-Spaiiish-American  pro 
prietary  employee  was    tall    and    supple   and   dis- 
tinguished looking.     The  blood  of  the  three  royal 
O's  of  Munster— the  O'Gradys,  the  O'Tooles,  aud 
the  O'Shaughnessys— blent  red  and  rushing  in  his 
ample    veins.     He    had    cast    himself    upon    the 
Mexic  main,  burning  his  ships  at  the  breakers' 
edge,  that  he  might  win    good    store  of  doubloons 
and    sail    the    seas    over    again,    gaily    to    pour 
them  into  Molly   Meadowcraft's   lap   aud   bid  her 
jump    with    him    the    golden  broomstick.     All  the 
grace   of    the   O'Gradys,    all    the    talent    of    the 
O'Tooles,  all  the  brazen  assurance  of  the  O'Shaugh- 
nesseys  were  as  one  in  the  dauntless  personality  of 
Don  Patrico.     As  confidential  adviser  of  the  lead- 
ing merchant  of  the  place,  O'Grady  found  it  easy 
to  establish  himself  on  a  footing  of  social  equality 
with  the  best  people   of  the   town.     He    had    the 
run  of  Don  Manuel's  house,  but   had  also  his  own 
house   and  his   own   housekeeper.      There    was   a 
subtle  Irish  flavor  in   all  the   young   adventurer's 
hospitality,    which   won   the  San  Blasians    to    a 
man,  from  the  jolly  priest  of  the    adobe  church  to 
top-loftish  Senor  El  Sastre,  the  Captain  of  the  Port. 
1'ntil  May  1st,  of  last  year,  the  industrious  Patrick 
had  essayed  to  open  the  Mexican  oyster   with  en- 
tire success.     Gossip   said   that   he    could    not   be 
worth  less  than  ten  thousand  dollars.     Rumor  had 
it  that  the  Mexican  house  of  Baron  Forbes  &  Co., 
and  the  San  Franciscan  house  of  Mr.  Thomas  Bell, 
were  languishing   to   be    permitted  to  proffer  him 
their  agencies.     Report  affirmed  that   Mr.   Carpe- 
na'8  lieutenant  of  the  civil  service  might  marry  the 
richest  widow  in  Western  Jalisco,  if  he  would. 

Until  May  1st,  of  last  year,  all  had  gone  well 
with  Don  Patrico.  It  was  on  that  fatal  day  that 
the  Hon.  Budd  Smith  lauded  from  the  good  ship 
City  of  Panama,  forsaking  the  honor  of  beating 
Captain  Austin  at  cribbage  for  the  glory  of  taking 
on  the  consequence  of  "  Consul-General  for  Zace- 
tecas,  Durango  and  Jalisco,  with  headquarters  at 
San  Bias."  In  reality,  Mr.  Smith  was  Consul  for 
San  Bias  only,  without  salary  and  with  perquisites 
contingent  upon  a  more  rapid  influx  of  American 
merchants,  and  a  consequent  more  rapid  output  of 
merchandise  to  American  ports.  But  Don  Budd 
felt  that  the  States  mentioned  needed  an  American 
Consul-General.  So  he  nominated  himself  to  the 
unencumbered  office,  and  drew  drafts  on  the 
world's  credulity  for  the  salary  thereof.  Strange 
to  believe,  the  astute  Patrico  was  the  first  Mexican 
to  honor  the  dreamer's  draft. 

"I  have  four  thousand  a  year.  I'm  going  to 
bring  down  a  lumber  mill,  a  flour  mill  and  an  im- 
proved sugar  mill,  on  my  own  account  and  in  the 
interests  of  heavy  Boston  backiug  ;  and  I  want  to 
get  hold  of  some  good  man,  whom  I  can  rely  on. 
and  who'll  post  me  for  all  the  damn  country's 
worth. " 

The  Consul  said  this  to  O'Grady  in  strictest  con- 
fidence, as  they  sat  together  on  the  after-deck  of 
the  City  of  Panama,  waiting  for  the  Consul's  bag- 
gage to  be  put  on  board  the  surf-boat  that  was  to 
carry  them  ashore.  If  there  was  one  thing  that 
Patrick  knew,  it  was  a  tenderfoot.  Ere  this  he 
had  helped  od  his  way  more  than  one  of  the  genus 
—by  taking  only  half  of  the  foolish  fellow's  store 
when  he  might  have  taken  all.  Very  good  to  Don 
Patrico  seemed  the  picture  of  the  dispensing  of 
that  four  thousand  a  year  and  the  emoluments  of 
those  many  mills. 

"  I  will  stand  in  with  you,  my  dear  sir,"  he  said  ; 
"and  you  shall  have  the  benefit  of  my  expe- 
rience." 

"That  is  just  what  I  must  have,  no  matter  how 
high  it  comes,"  said  the  other;  and  they  drank 
some  of  Captain  Austin's  sherry  to  clinch  the 
compact. 

Long  the  story  ;  brief  the  telling.  O'Grady  took 
the  Consul  to  his  own  house  aud  there  they  set  up 
the  Consulate,  with  the  "  Consular  Arms  "  over  the 
door,  and  Don  Patrico  commissioned  as  Vice-Con- 
sul at  a  thousand  a  year. 

"By  the  soul  of  the  O'Tooles,  but  I'll  own  him 


within  the  year,"  said  the  thrifty  Celt,  in 
"t  generous  confidence  to  a  friend. 

So  it  seemed.     Gossip  said   that   O'Grady  was 
'  running  the  Consulate  forall  it  waswortl 

promised  sugar  and  Hour  and  lumber  nulls  , 
talkofall  Western  Jalisco.     Bui d 

entered!  lie  roadstead,  and  a.,  I ,■  later  Consul 

Smith  presented  himself  to  his  assist  ll 
a  loan  of  fifty  dollars.  His  remittances  had  failed 
he  said.  That  was  the  II, si  I. f ty  ;  others  followed 
One  day  Senor  Carpena  told  Hoi,  Patrico  that  the 
tonsillar  service  needed  the  attention  of  Mil 
more  than  did  the  business  ,.f  the  forme]  Bui 
the    \  ice-Consul    didn't    mind    a    little  thin-  like 

that,      lie  was  deep  in   uporulnt s.    an. I   1 1,.    i„:u 

gin  of  profit  on  paper  would  have  been  sufficient 
to  buy  up  Ireland  and  make  the  son  of  the 
O  Shaughnessys  Kinj 

May,  June,  July-  July  the  thirtieth.    \  sen ir 

was  to  leave  for  Mazatlan  that  afternoon.      About 

ten  in  the  morning  the  Consul-Genera]   ci mi,. 

the  ollice  of  the  Consulate,  where  the  future  King 
of  an  enfranchised  Ireland  was  calculating  the 
profit  on  ten  thousand  tons  of  crude  sugar  al  ten 
dollars  and  ninety-six  cents  a  ton. 
_  "I'm  called  to  Mazatlan  in  a  hurry,  to  arrest 
Kelton  for  defalcation." 

"But  about  my  salary  and  that  little  matter  of 
five  hundred  between  us  >.  you'll  perhaps  l„-  gone 
quite  a  while,  and  I'm  a  trifie  short." 

Oh,  I'll  make  that  all  right  when  1  come  back 
look  out  for  my  flour  mill  ;  'twill  be    here    on    the 
next  steamer." 

They  parted.  Consul  Smith,  bound  for  Mazat- 
lan, Sonora,  Tombstone,  El  Paso— home  ;  Vice- 
Consul  O'Grady  awaiting  the  coming  of  the  grist  mill 
and  the  profits  on  unlimited  cornmeal. 

A  week  thereafter  some  one  walked  into  the  Con- 
sulate and  asked  Don  Patrico  if  he  had  heard  thai 
Budd  Smith  had  cut  his  stick.  O'Grady  explained 
that  the  Consul-General  had  gone  to  Mazatlan  to 
investigate  Consul  Kelton. 

"What  the  deuce  has  he  to  do  with  Kelton  !" 
"  Isn't  he  Consul-General  '" 
"  There  is  no  such  office.     Besides,    all    he  pre- 
tended to  be    was   Consul-General    for   Zacetecas, 
Durango  and  Jalisco,    and   you   surely  know  that 
Mazatlan  is  in  Sinaloa." 

O'Grady  smiled,  took  down  from  over  the  door 
the  "  Consular  Arms,"  tore  his  beautiful  commis- 
sion into  fragments,  went  out  and  hunted  up  a 
tenant  for  his  house,  and  took  the  next  stage  for 
Tepic,  in  which  place  he  is  at  present  trying  to  sell 
his  experience  to  such  ductile  tenderfeet  as  Ned 
Yorke,  Jim  Watkins  and  Captain   Billy   Borrowe. 


THE     DEVIL'S    DICTIONARY. 


;         ion,  ...      \n  approved  remedy  for  the  disease 
irruhty,     h  i-  also  much  used  in  cases  of 
poverl 

'■'  ' '  ' * i'  to  'I'  loharge  "in-  duty  and 

s  uundi  lates. 

To  si  rod  an  a  platform  and 
scream  that  Smith  is  a  child  of  lisht  and  Jones 
a  worm  of  Hi.-  dust, 

''-'  "  ';"•■  "-     "in'  who  enjoys  the  sacred  privilege 
"f  v.. tin-  for  thi in  ..f  another  man's  r],.  ii 

El  "  ""city,  ii.     Tin-  power  that  causes  all  natu- 
ral  phei lena  not  known   t.,  be  caused  by 

8 thin-  ''Is,-.       It  i>  the  same  thing  as  light". 

ning,    ami    its   fa us  attempt    to  strike  Dr. 

Franklin  is  one  of  the  most  picturesque  inci- 
dents in  that  great  and  good  mans  career. 
The  memory  of  Or.  Franklin  is  justly  held  in 
great  reverence, particularly  in  Prance,  where 
a  waxen  effigy  of  him  was  recently  on  exhi- 
bition, hearing  tin'  following  touching  account 
of  his  life  and  sen  ices  lo  science  : 


A  shocking  anecdote  of  James  Phelau,  the  phil- 
anthropist, has  just  came  to  light.  Mr.  Phelan 
was  bidding  adieu  to  a  faithful  clerk  the  other  day, 
who  was  bound  for  the  mountains  ;  and  in  the  good 
ness  of  his  heart  Mr.  Phelan  begged  to  be  allowed 
the  pleasure  of  presenting  the  departing  lad  with  a 
brand-new  overcoat.  He  took  him  into  a  clothing 
store  and  examined  what  the  proprietor  assured 
him  was  a  very  desirable  article.  But  the  figure 
was  too  high.  Another  and  another  were,  tried, 
all  of  them  very  desirable — apart  from  the  price. 
At  last  Mr.  Phelan 's  eyes  lightened,  and  grasping 
his  clerk's  hand  he  said  in  a  voice  of  emotion  : 
"  Ah  !  Jamie,  me  lad,  shure  your  blood  is  young 
and  warm  ;  'twould  be  an  insult  to  put  an  over- 
coat on  you.  God  speed  you,  me  boy.  Keep  near 
the  stove  on  your  way  to  Virginia  and  you'll  never 
miss  it  !  " 


Among  the  wicked  woods  of  wintry  Hades, 
Jesting  the  while  with  numerous  nudish  ladies, 
Abaddon  walked,  winking  the  merry  while, 
As  who  should  say  no  other  knew  such  guile. 
Uplaughed  a  black-eyed  nymph  from  Frisco,  she 
Knew  twice  as  many  naughty  jests  as  he. 
"  If  you  had  lived  where  I  have  lived,  Hal  Satan, 
You  by  yourself  had  fiercely  been  beraten 
Ere  you  had  parodied  the  songs  thrice  sung 
By  Alec  Badlam  and  M.  H.  De  Young.  " 


In  the  windows  of  all  the  military  tailors  are  gay 
specimens  of  militia  uniforms.  These  are  traps 
laid  for  the  newly  made  soldiers.  In  time  of  peace 
nothing  so  becomes  a  man  aB  mild  behavior  and 
humanity,  but  when  Governor  Stoneman  calls  him 
to  the  service  of  his  countiy  he  must  let  the  tailor 
make  up  for  nature's  shortcomings  in  the  composi- 
tion of  a  broadcloth  warrior. 


The  North  Beach  Nuisance— North  Beach. 


...,".  Monsieur    Franqulin,    inventor  ..f    electricity, 

Ihis  Illustrious  savant,  after    having    mad.'    Beveral 

voyages  around  the  world,  died  .m  the  Sandwich 

Islands  and  was  dev ed  by  Bavages,  of  whom  uot 

a  single  fragment  was  over  recovered. 

Electricity  seems  destined  to  play  a  most 
important  pari  in  the  aits  and  industries.  The 
question  of  its  economical  application  to  some 
purposes  is  still  unsettled,  but  experiment  has 
already  proved  that  it  will  propel  a  streetcar 
faster  than  a  gas  jet  and  give  more  light  than  a 
horse. 
Elegy,  a.  A  composition  in  verse,  in  which,  with- 
out employing  any  of  the  methods  of  humor, 
the  writer  aims  to  produce  in  the  reader's 
mind  the  dampest  kind  of  dejection.  The 
must  fatuous  English  example  is  Gray's  "Elegy 
in  a  Country  Churchyard,"  beginning  with  the 
following  noble  stanza  : 

The  cur  foretells  the  knell  of  parting  day  ; 

The  loafing  herd  winds  slowly  o'er  the  lea  ; 
The  wis.-  man  homeward  plods  ;  I  only  stay 

'I'..  Bddle-faddle  in  the  minor  key. 

Elephant,  ...     A  joker  of  the    animal    kingd , 

having  a  flexible  nose  aud   limited    warehouse 
accommodation  for  his  teeth. 
Eleusinian,  adj.     Relating  to   Eleusis,  in  Greece, 
where   certain   famous   rites   or  "  mysteries  " 
were  celebrated   in    honor   of    Ceres,  though 
that  discreet  goddess  commonly   sent  her  re- 
grets   and    had    an     engagement    elsewhere. 
There  is  a  good  deal  of  uncertainty  among  the 
moderns  as   to    what   these   mysteries   really 
were.     Some  of  the  old  Greek  writers,  wdio  as 
as  small  boys  sneaked  in  under  the  tent,  have 
attempted  a  description,  but  without  success; 
the  spirit  was  willing  but  the   language  was 
weak. 
Eloqoence,  ii.     The  art  of  orally  persuading  fools 
that  black  is  the  color  that   it   appears  to  be. 
It   includes  the   gift  of  making  any  color  ap- 
pear to  be  black. 
Elysium,    ii.     An   imaginary    delightful     country 
which  the  ancients  foolishly  believed  to  be  in- 
habited by  the  spirits  of  the  good.     This  ridi- 
culous and  mischievous  fable  was  swept  off  the 
face  of  the   earth   by   the  early  Christians — 
heaven  rest  their  souls! 
Emancipation,  a.     A  bondsman's  change  from  the 
tyranny  of  another  to  the  despotism  of  him- 
self. 

He  was  a  slave  :  at  wind  he  went  and  came; 

His  iron  .-i. liar  cut  him  to  the  bone. 
Then  Liberty  erased  his  owner's  name, 

Tightened  the  rivets  and  inscribed  his  own. 

Embalm,  u.  /.  To  cheat  vegetation  by  locking  up 
the  gases  upon  which  it  feeds.  By  embalming 
their  dead  and  thereby  affecting  the  natural 
balance  between  animal  aud  vegetable  life, 
the  Egyptians  made  their  once  fertile  and 
populous  country  barren  and  incapable  of  sup- 
porting more  than  a  meagre  crew.  The  mod- 
ern metallic  burial  casket  is  a  step  in  the  same 
direction,  and  many  a  dead  man  who  ought 
now  to  be  ornamenting  his  neighbor's  lawn  as 
a  tree,  or  enriching  his  table  as  a  bunch  of 
radishes,  has  got  a  corner  on  himself  and  is 
holding  for  something  better — he  doesn't  quite 
know  what.  We  shall  get  him  after  awhile  if 
we  are  spared,  but  in  the  meantime  this  violet 
is  just  languishing  for  a  nip  at  his  glutteus 
maximus.  B. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


A    HASTY     INFERENCE, 


The  Devil  one  day,  coming'  up  from  the  Pit, 

All  grimy  with  perspiration, 
Applied  to  St.  Peter  and  begged  he'd  admit 

Him  a  moment  for  consultation. 
The  Saint  showed  him  in  where  the  Master  reclined 

On  the  throne  where  petitioners  sought  him  ; 
Both  bowed,  and  the  Evil  One  opened  his  mind 

Concerning  the  business  that  brought  him  : 

'  For  ten  million  years  I've  been  kept  in  a  stew 

Because  you  have  thougnt  me  immoral ; 

And  though  I  have  had  my  opinion  of  you, 

You've  had  the  best  ei  d  of  the  quarrel. 

'  But  now — well,  I  venture  to  hope  that  the  past 
With  its  misunderstandings  we'll  smother  ; 
And  you,  sir,  and  I,  sir,  be  throned  here  at  last 
As  equals,  beside  one  another." 

'  Indeed  !  "  said  the  Master  (I  cannot  convey 

A  sense  of  his  tone  by  mere  letters) 
1  What  makes  you  presume  you'll  be  bidden  to  stay 

Up  here  on  such  terms  with  your  betters  ?  " 

'  Why  sure  you  can't  mean  it !  "  said  Satan.   "I've  seen 
How  Stanford  and  Crocker  you've  nourished. 
And  Huntington— bless  me  !  the  three  like  a  green 
Umbrageous  great  bay-tree  have  flourished. 

They  are  fat,  they  are  rolling  in  gold,  they  command 
All  sources  and  well-springs  of  power  ; 

You've  given  them  houses,  you've  given  them  land- 
Before  them  the  righteous  all  cower.  " 

'  What  of  that  ?"     "  What  of  that  ?  "  cried  the  Father 

of  Sin ; 
'  Why,  T  thought  when  I  saw  you  were  winking 
At  crimes  such  as  theirs  that  perhaps  you  had  been 
Converted  to  my  way  of  thinking.  " 


'GONE  BEFORE.' 


Being  in  Chicago  some  months  ago,  Mike  de 
Young  of  the  Chronicle  got  himself  "interviewed" 
by  the  horse-reporter  of  the  Tribune  and  gave  off 
so  great  a  volume  and  so  pure  a  quality  of  menda- 
city about  the  Hawaiian  reciprocity  treaty  that  bis 
performance  ought  to  serve  as  a  model  for  the  liars 
of  all  future  generations.  Among  the  utterances 
of  this  monumental  libber  professing  to  act  as 
mouthpiece  for  the  people  of  the  Pacitic  Coast,  was 
the  following  noble  and  impressive  falsehood  : 

"  We  want  the  treaty  abrogated;  all  our  merchants  are 
opposed  to  its  continuance,  for  it  does  no  good  to  our  ex- 
port trade." 

The  strength,  splendor  and  sweetness  of  this  ad- 
mirable untruth  were  long  unabated  by  time  and 
use.  By  iteration  in  his  own  paper  its  author 
added  to  its  sterling  merit  of  mendacity  the 
grace  and  charm  of  an  inexpressible  monotony. 
He  printed  it  as  he  said  it  and  printed  it  as  he  didn't 
say  it.  He  turned  it  upside  down  and  printed  it 
that  way,  turned  it  end  for  end  and  printed  it  that 
way,  turned  it  inside  out  and  printed  it  that  way. 
He  mouthed  it  as  a  tigress  mouths  her  whelp  and 
fondled  it  as  lovingly  as  a  cow-elephant  lapping  her 
lithe  proboscis  about  the  dun  loins  of  her  son  and 
heir.  To  have  seen  him  coddling  this  sturdy  and 
preposterously  lively  lie  you  would  have  supposed 
it  the  only  begotten  or  sole  surviving  offspring  of  a 
now  impotent  imagination,  and  that  he  feared  it 
wasn't  long  for  this  world— as  indeed  it  was  not. 

On  Monday  of  last  week  the  Board  of  Trade, 
comprising  in  its  membership  the  leading  mer- 
chants of  the  Coast,  held  their  annual  meeting  and 
considered  their  President's  report,  from  which  we 
make  the  following  extract  : 

We  have  now  had  nearly  seven  years'  experience  of  the 
working  of  the  reciprocity  treaty  with  the  Hawaiian 
Kingdom,  and  have  found  its  results,  in  enlarging  our  com- 
merce with  those  Islands,  surpassing  the  expectations  of 
its  most  sanguine  friends  and  gratifying  to  all.  The  op- 
position to  it  in  some  parts  of  the  United  States  comes 
from  those  who  do  not  fully  understand  its  workings  and 
have  but  a  small  share  in  its  benefits.  If  those  who  op- 
pose it  would  study  it  as  a  national  policy,  they  would  be 
anxious  to  procure  similar  treaties  with  other  countries, 
which  would  benefit  the  Atlantic  side  of  our  country  even 
more  largely  than  the  Hawaiian  has  benefitted  us.  By 
this  treaty,  five  small  islands  in  the  Pacific  Ocean,  with 
less  than  70,000  population,  some  of  whom  are  removed 
only  one  or  two  generations  from  barbarism,  have  be- 
come as  much  dependent  on  American  products  and 
manufactures,  and  as  large  customers  of  our  merchants  as 
any  country  in  the  United  States  of  the  same  population. 
The  benefits  of  reciprocal  trade  cannot  be  estimated  by 


Custom-house  statistics  alone,  nor  should  the  fact  be 
overlooked,  that  if  our  Government  withdraws  this  fos- 
tering benefit  to  this  people  so  near  to  us  geographically 
and  so  allied  to  us  in  interests  that  in  all  but  name  they 
are  under  our  flag  and  our  fellow-citizens,  European 
governments  are  looking  with  covetous  eyes  towards  them 
for  similar,  and  even  more  liberal  concessions.  From  our 
missionary  times  to  the  present  we  have  done  too  much 
for  them  to  oppose  them  now— and  our  interests  commer- 
cially forbid  that  we  should  do  so. 

After  the  readiDg  of  the  report  and  the  transac- 
tion of  other  business,  Mr.  A.  P.  Williams,  ex- 
plaining that  it  seemed  desirable  to  have  the  sense 
of  the  Board  upon  the  Hawaiian  reciprocity  treaty, 
moved  that  the  Board  endorse  by  vote  the  remarks 
of  the  President  relating  to  that  subject.  This 
motion  was  carried  unanimously  and  enthusiasti- 
cally by  a  rising  vote.  Mr.  de  Young  will  at  some 
time  in  the  future — before  the  result  is  recorded 
in  the  Chicago  Tribune — change  his  attitude  of  an- 
tagonism to  one  of  approval  for  the  purpose  of 
moving  a  reconsideration.  In  the  meantime  he  is 
putting  the  mortal  remains  of  his  favorite  false- 
hood into  a  pickle  of  tears,  in  thoughtful  provision 
against  decay's  effacing  fingers. 


James  Dever  and  Henry  Thorn,  deputies  of  Mr. 
Graham,  late  "recumbent"  of  the  Street  Superin- 
tendent's office,  have  been  arrested  on  a  number 
of  charges  of  felony.  Both  are  accused  of  the  for- 
gery of  Mr.  Graham's  name  to  fraudulent  demands 
on  the  treasury  for  street  work  which  they  protest 
was  badly  needed,  but  which  Detective  Hogan  and 
Police  officer  Healy  aver  was  never  performed.  De- 
ver, however,  swore  that  it  was  performed,  and  is 
held  for  perjury — a  distinction  not  yet  conferred 
upon  his  less  enterprising  collaborator.  In  due 
season  these  gentlemen  will  be  tried  and  acquitted 
on  the  ground  of  emotional  insanity.  There  will 
be  a  banquet  in  their  honor  at  the  Maison  Doree, 
at  which  Messrs.  Duncan,  Tibbey  and  Stuart  will 
be  honored  guests,  and  where  the  officious  med- 
dling of  Messrs.  Hogan  and  Healy  will  be  execra- 
ted in  the  terms  that  it  deserves.  It  is  to  be  hoped 
that  Wheeler  will  by  that  time  be  at  liberty  to 
handle  a  knife  and  fork  at  this  complimentary  din- 
ner, and  entertain  the  company  with  an  account 
of  the  best  way  to  strangle  a  sister-in-law  and  get 
her  body  into  a  hat  box. 


The  Evening  Post,  which  keeps  a  roadside  inn 
hard  by  one  of  the  by-ways  of  thought,  and  finds  a 
profitless  satisfaction  in  entertaining  such  way- 
worn and  mindless  tramps  of  speech  as  "the  Ru- 
pert of  debate,"  "the  white-plumed  Navarre  of  the 
halls  of  legislation,"  "  the  great  commoner,"  etc., 
calls  Lincoln  "the  second  father  of  his  country.''" 
This  is  a  very  striking  indeed,  but  it  has  the  de- 
merit of  being  partly  original.  The  notion  that  a 
country  already  in  the  vigor  of  lusty  young  man- 
hood can  be  begotten  by  any  one  who  has  the  good 
luck  to  command  the  Posfs  admiration  is  a  purely 
Colon eljacksonian  conception,  and  as  such  entitled 
only  to  respectful  considera'ion  of  the  second  rate. 
Our  first-class,  yard-wide  and  all-wool  admiration 
is  justly  reserved  for  imported  ideas  whose  ex- 
pression is  wholly  parroted,  and  which  smell  of  the 
steerage  of  the  ships  that  brought  them  over.  Of 
these  "the  great  commoner  "  is  perhaps  the  best, 
and  its  application  to  the  late  Thad.  Stevens  the 
neatest  and  most  touchinsr. 


The  most  divinely  absurd  proposition  that  ever 
emanated  from  Mr.  Pixley,  was  his  offer  in  the  J  r- 
gonant  of  last  Saturday  to  give  @1,000  to  the  suffer- 
ing Irish,  on  condition  that  Saint  Patrick's  Day 
parade  in  this  city  should  be  abandoned  this  year. 
The  receipt  from  the  Secretary  of  the  Ancient 
Order  of  Hibernians,  framed  and  hanging  in  Mr. 
Pixley's  office,  would  be  an  interesting  addition  to 
his  collection  of  curiosities.  But  Mr.  Pixley,  like 
Bagstock,  was  devilish  sly,  for  he  knew  that  S10,- 
000  would  not  purchase  all  the  pomp  and  glory  and 
prancing  and  speechmaking  the  Irish  patriot  looks 
forward  to  on  that  day  of  days. 


The  Bulletin  contained  some  evenings  ago  a 
wicked  editorial  on  the  degeueracy  of  the  American 
race,  and  a  hearty  exhortation  to  the  young  to  eat 
more  beef  and  drink  more  beer  for  their  muscles' 
sake.  Coming  from  Mr.  Bartlett,  this  sounds  like 
a  change  of  heart.  Because  there  was  a  time 
when  all  the  heavy  moral  business  of  the  Bulletin 
was  entrusted  to  him,  and  he  wore  his  hair  lon<r 
and  buttoned  his  coat  clear  up  to  his  chin.  Since, 
however,  he  has  gone  in  for  treatisies  on  physical 


development  and  the  improvement  of  the  race,  he 
sports  mutton-chop  whiskers,  cocks  his  hat  on  one 
side,  has  a  rolling  gait,  and  smiles  winningly  on  the 
bindery  girls  who  occupy  the  building  oppposite 
the  Bulletin  editorial  rooms. 


Dennis  Kearney  refuses  to  be  guided  by  the 
Board  of  Trade's  approval  of  the  new  Charter  be- 
cause the  members  of  the  Board  are  "all  employ- 
ers of  labor."  The  accusation  appears  to  be  well 
founded,  but  perhaps  if  the  scoundrels  can  be  per- 
suaded to  discharge  their  employees,  Mr.  Kearney, 
touched  by  this  mark  of  practical  penitence,  will 
reinstate  them  in  his  good  will  and  follow  their 
advice.  In  the  next  "  wuriu'  ingman's  purrces- 
sion"  we  hope  to  see  a  conspicuous  banner  in- 
scribed :  "No  Employment  of  Labor — Down  with 
the  Wage-Payer!" 


The  futile  attempt  of  the  Carson  Legislature  to 
resist  the  railroad  afford  much  amusement  to  the 
anti-monopoly  press.  A  few  earnest  men  endeav- 
ored to  get  a  following  ;  a  few,  for  appearance  sake, 
pretended  to  stay  by  them  ;  but  so  sure  as  a  crisis 
arose  the  Railroad  men  took  them  body  and  ears 
into  camp,  and  snapped  their  fingers  at  the  melan- 
choly enthusiasts  who  elected  to  remain  outside  the 
fence. 

"Gimme  the  meat  axe!"  In  hoarse,  savage 
tones  the  words  were  spoken,  and  Bill  Truudlebed 
raised  his  towering  form  above  the  prostrate  bodies 
of  forty-seven  Indian  Chiefs  and  glared  fiercely 
round  him.  Then  spake  Swallow-the-Dead-Horse, 
Chief  of  the  tribe  of  Tipperaries,  and  last  of  his 
noble  race:  "My  pale-faced  brother  is  a  great 
brave.  Henceforth  he  shall  be  called  Mop-Up-the- 
Ground.  Has  my  brother  an  old  pair  of  pants  to 
spare?"  *         *         *         At   this  moment  the 

old  man  entered  the  woodshed  and  interrupted  the 
thrilling  tale.  "My  sons,  what  are  you  read- 
ing ?"  And  the  bad  little  boy  said  :  "  A  book  my 
Sunday  School  teacher  gave  us  !"  But  the  good 
little  boy  said  :  "  Father,  I  cannot  deceive  you  ; 
'tis  a  dime  novel."  And  the  good  little  boy  got 
two  lickings — one  from  the  old  man  and  one  from 
the  bad  little  boy.     He  was  a  little  Fool. 


It  is  hereby  announced  that  Mr.  Plaintoggery 
Decorum  is  not  appointed  a  Major-General  of  Mi- 
litia, and  will  be  respected  accordingly. 


The  Chronicle  having  averred  that  "our  rains 
never  come  from  the  north  is  crushed  by  the  Afta 
with  the  statement  that  they  do,  for  "the  rains 
frequently  do  not  reach  Los  Angeles  until  a  day  or 
two  after  they  begin  on  the  northwest  coast.  " 
Now,  dear,  this  could  easily  be  true  of  a  storm  com- 
ing from  the  westward  :  you  have  only  to  suppose 
its  southern  front  to  have  paused  a  little  for  the 
purpose  of  wetting  down  the  South  Pacific,  while 
its  northern  moved  impetuously  on  to  extinguish 
the  fires  of  genius  in  the  Alto,  office. 


Mr.  Campbell's  Assembly  bill  to  permit  the 
shooting  of  game  at  any  season  on  one's  own  land 
was  defeated.  This  is  unimportant ;  the  law  for- 
bidding it  is  clearly  unconstitutional,  as  will  be 
seen  if  ever  it  is  fairly  tested.  The  notion  that  a 
man  must  tolerate  the  incursions  of  wild  beasts 
and  voracious  fowl  on  his  own  property  is  naked 
nonsense. 


The  editor  of  the  Evening  Post  assures  his  read- 
ers that  slang  is  almost  unknown  in  respectable 
society.  A  few  more  such  center  shots  as  this  will 
go  far  to  remove  the  popular  distrust  of  hearsay 
evidence. 


Last  week  we  pitched  into  Mr.  P.  S.  Dorney  as 
a  bold,  bad  poet ;  now  he  sends  us  his  great  speech 
on  "  labor  legislation  "  and  we  see  that  we  did  him 
an  injustice.  Compared  with  his  political  ideas  in 
prose,  his  poetical  emotions  in  verse  are  so  good 
that  we  beg  his  pardon  and  rank  him  with  Shak- 
speare  and  Goethe.  All  the  time  that  Mr.  Dorney 
can  snatch  from  political  meditation  and  devote  to 
the  utterance  of  his  soul  in  rhyme  is  a  clear  gain 
to  the  great  cause  of  common  sense. 


A  skeleton  "has  been  found  in  an  excavation  on 
Sutter  street.     Estee  ? 


THE     WASP. 


13 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


Mr.  Branson  Howard's  Young  Mrs,  Wintkrop  obtained 

it-  initial  |*erf..nnaiiLe  at  the  Baldwin  Theater  last  Mon- 
day night  The  merits  -'f  that  play  are  bo  far  in  excess  of 
its  faults  that  its  representation  was  not  merely  satisfy- 
ing, but  left  tin-  impression  that  in  writing  it  tin-  author 
had  barely  missed  producing  a  great  play.  He  deals 
throughout  with  none  but  pure  motives  ;  his  pathos  is 
true.  His  emotions  are  genuine  and  worthy.  He  telle  a 
simple,  natural,  every-day  story  so  effectively  that  the 
characters  which  move  in  it  become  absorbingly  interest- 
ing. Hin  language  is  scholarly,  without  the  slightest  affec- 
tation, beautifully  concise  and  occasionally  witty.  An 
uninterrupted  harmony  of  events  leads  up  to  the  climax. 
A  studious  evasion  of  strained  situations  and  a  clever 
manipulation  <>f  trifling  details  composes  a  most  affecting 
picture  of  domestic  life  and  enlists  the  wannest  sympa- 
thies of  the  audience.  The  plot  is  revealed  almost  at  the 
opening,  and  yet  the  interest  is  not  merely  well  sustained 
aw  the  play  progresses  but  grows  stronger  and  stronger  un- 
til the  last  and  most  touching  scene  of  all  fitly  closes  a 
most  beautiful  chapter  of  human  emotions.  The  manage- 
ment may  well  feel  proud  of  its  appreciation.  The  audi- 
ence that  witnessed  its  first  production,  in  this  city,  was 
of  a  moat  critical  character,  yet  was  so  thoroughly  in  sym- 
pathy with  the  action  that  any  demonstration,  save  tears, 
seemed  out  of  place.  Still  the  shading  is  so  accurate  that 
the  situations  never  become  painfully  pathetic ;  the  lights 
of  comedy  are  so  deftly  managed  and  so  opportune  that 
one  cannot  wish  for  the  elimination  of  a  single  line  or  de- 
sire the  alteration  of  any  scene.  It  is  the  foremost  Amer- 
ican society-play,  and  is  far  preferable  to  the  usual  French 
production,  both  in  point  of  tendency  and  treatment. 
The  acting  and  wise  at  see  tie  are  very  satisfactory.  In 
plays  like  Young  Mrs.  Winthrop  it  is  scarcely  required 
that  the  actor  infuse  his  part  with  anything  like  original- 
ity. If  the  idea  of  the  author  be  but  fully  realized,  the 
performance  must  prove  sympathetic.  Yet  it  is  but  jus- 
tice to  say  that  it  may  be  doubted  if  even  Mr.  Howard 
himself  could  have  suggested  anything  that  would  have 
added  materially  to  the  enjoyment  of  the  performance  as 
presented  by  the  Madison  Square  Troupe. 

My  Sweetheart,  at  the  Bush  Street  Theater,  is  one  of 
those  hybrid  plays  which  serve  to  illustrate  the  speciali- 
ties of  one  or  two  performers.  It  is  the  usual  medly  of 
song,  dance,  burletta  and  an  attempt  at  sensational  busi- 
ness. To  one  who  attends  performances  of  that  kind, 
careless  of  what  may  be  offered,  content  with  what  may 
be  had,  pleased  with  trifles,  My  Sweetheart  may  prove  sat- 
isfactory. As  a  performance  following  so  closely  upon 
the  heels  of  Pop  it  suffers  by  comparison  and  cannot  be 
called  anything  short  of  a  failure. 

The  performances  of  the  German  Company  at  the  Cali- 
fornia Theater  are  characterized  by  a  painstaking  consci- 
entiousness worthy  of  emulation,  under  the  skillful  man- 
agement of  Madame  Genee,  and  our  German  public  fully 
appreciate  them.  Last  Sunday  evening  introduced  a  new 
star,  Mr.  Link,  alow  comedian  of  a  peculiarly  German  type ; 
quite  original  in  his  way  and  certainly  very  amusing. 
Mr.  Link  is  an  excellent  character  actor  and  a  good  singer, 
combining  with  those  qualities  an  original  grotesqueness 
and  agile  versatility  which  is  bound  to  make  him  a  great 
favorite.  Next  Sunday  evening  One  of  Our  People  will  be 
the  attraction. 

Mrs.  Francisca  Ellmenreich  struggles  through  her  two 
weeks  of  full-dress  rehearsals.  Although  her  perform- 
ances are  quite  finished  and  her  representations  are  of  a 
superior  character,  yet  the  audiences  are  scarcely  numer- 
ous enough,  even  for  a  first  class  full-dress  rehearsal. 
However  that  is  not  the  fault  of  the  actors,  but  of  an  in- 
capable management. 

The  Tivoli  has  still  its  Bridge  of  Sighs. 

The  Winter  Garden  has  been  reopened. 

The  Grand  Opera  House  opens  next  Monday  with 
Fighting  Fire. 

The  Minstrels  are  doing  well. 


,1 


A  sure  cure  for  impoverished  blood,  pimples  and  sallow 
complexion,  is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters.  It  will  produce  a 
healthy  color,  smooth  skin,  and  is  absolutely  not  injurious. 

SST  For  five  cents,  Wells,  Richardson  &  Co.,  Burling- 
ton, Vt.,  will  send  colored  samples  of  all  colors  of  Dia- 
mond Dyes,  with  directions. 

DENTISTRY. 
O.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


PEMBROKE, 

Wat.W.U,  and  Jeweler,   \|  q  ,  rench  Clllck 

',  ""''•""  gdAjl    Bri       ;  ■■        | 

s[ '■  near  Powell,  San  Fran 

"KIDNEY  DISEASE 

I'-mi.    Irritation     i  eteutton,    Incontinence,    D 
travel,  etc.,  cured  by"  Buchupaiba,      ft]      |> 

MOTHER  sw\\  s  WORM  s\  i;i   p 

Infallible,  tasteless,  harmless,  cathartic ;    for  feverwh- 
nes,s,  restlL-ssne-s,  worms,  constipation.     25c, 


LYDIA  E.  PiNKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 


Is  a  P. 


re  Cure 


For  nil  thoBc  Pnlnful  ComphtlnU  and  Weaknesses 

no  caramon  to  our  bent  female  population. 

A  ML'ilicino  for  Womnn.     Invented  by  a  Womnn. 

Prepared  by  a  Womnn. 

The  fircnlwil   Hedlcnl   Dl^orcr.r  Since  tlie   Down  of  Hlalorr. 

t^*It  revives  the  drooping'  spirits,  invigorates  and 
harmonizes  the  organic  functions,  gives  elasticity  anil 
firmness  to  the  step,  restores  tlie  natural  lustre  to  the 
eye,  and  plants  on  the  pale  cheek  of  woman  the  t resu 
roses  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
K3?~Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe  It  Freely  =£0 

It  removes  faint nc-sa,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 
for  stimulant,  and  relieves  weakness  of  the  stomach. 

That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  it*  use. 

For  the  cure  or  Kidney  Coraplatota  of  cither  bcz 

this  Compound  I*  unsurpassed. 

i/rniA  e.  putkiiasFs  blood  purifier; 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  E amors  from  the 
Blood,  and  give  tone  ami  B&ength  to  the  system,  of 
man  woman  or  child.   Insist  on  having  It, 

Both  the  Compoand  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  3L  Six  bottles  for  $5,  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  §1  per  box 
for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
Inquiry.    Enclose  3ct.  stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet. 

No  family  should  be  without  LTDIA  E.  PlNKHAM'S 
LTVEB,  PILLS.  TheV  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  box. 

jBSTSold  by  all  Druggists.^!        O 


KIDNEY- WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
n||  CC  THIS  distressing  c 
■  ItCOi  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  phy3ioia  " 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
*2-   tyif  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 


PRICE  $lT|  USE  |   PruggiBts  Sell 


KIDNEY- WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Is  a  certain  cure  for  NliBVOUS  DKBILITY, 
LOST  MiNHOOD,  and  oil  tho  evil  ctiecta  of 
youthful  follies  and  excesses. 

in:,  mm-  ■  is  a  regular  physislan, 
graduate  of  (be  University  or  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  U  forfeit  Hie  Hundred  Duilari  for 
acaecofthobiod  tbc  VITAL  KfcSTOUATIYE 
(under  Lis  special  ndvlec  ODd  tronimc  '.)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  the 
Quantity,  $10.  Sunt  10  aoy  nddrcsii,  conn- 
DEVTI.U.V,  by  A.  F..  MINTiR.  M.  II.,  No.  II 
Kearny  Street.  8.  P.     Semi  f'T  pmnnrilel. 

SAnl'I.E  BOTTLE  FUKK  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  sUiiinc  s>  mputms, 
apt  mid  ace     Slrint  necreev  lr 


touzh,  Lom  of  roleo.  Inclpleiri  t'onurampllMs  and  a 

Tlirn:it   mill    I, nil*:  Trmiblr*. 

In  rune  cases  out  of  ton,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently! eradicate  tin-  severest  form 
■'flXKlJ  ENZA,COLD  IX  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  fncipienf  I  Sonsumption,  a  longer  xse  of  it  U 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure, 

ASK.     FOB    THE 

California     Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    take    \o    OTHER.       Price,   BO    Cents, 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Frop'rs. 
4i;  Biuuome street,  cor. Commercial,  s.  f. 


A  CH1NCE  OF  A  LIFETIML 


rektj  publication, 
ike  n>"  following 


Wl  -l.in  •  to  Introduce  our  new  ;ill  i  I  .■  ,,,[!;, 
THE  COLDEN  ARGOSY-  "" 
united  Ptalas  where  it  l#  ma  now  utun,  w 
..  .hi.'  mid  ni m,-ii IDce lit  ollVr  to  all 
Ilncmeiit,    rclyin™   upoD    futurr    patroou^r    Tor    <■«■> 

pro  lit.    It  you  will  und  u»  SOrt*.,  widen  is  llio  price  «r.i 

llirec  mnnil)i>'*iil<iirrlpil we  will  forward  yon 

OXE  sn.\  I  Mt  PL  \  I  I  it  iu  i  i  lit  KNIFE, 
OAK  **n  \  i  it-i-i  Y  i  i  u  HUGAJX  Spoilt. 
NIX  SILVtn  Mi:il.-ri.\ll.U  TE.1  SPOIIIVS, 
parked  In  a  neat  box,  nil  eliark-eS  prepaid.  Thran  ironds  ore  w<.n:i 
and  are  Bold  for  more  th.in  twice  tlie  subscription  price,  and  If  nut 
perfectly  natlaluctory  n.av  be  returned,  and  wo  will  refund  llio 
money  In  every  cane.  Oar  onlyabject  In  m  ..  hi„-  tliii  offer 
to  you  la  to  place  In  your  Imtidn  tin?  beat  nud  most  popular  weekly 
atory  paper  in  the  United  States,  Udlevlnr  yon  v.  i  I  always  re- 
main a  subscriber  after  once  rending  some  of  lis  fatclnatlnr  ato~ 
ilea.  In  Ibo  thirteen  numl«r«  youv.  ill  r.-. c-Ivp  will  l.e  found  four 
aerial  stmles  by  HORATIO  ALGKK,  Jit..  KDWAKD  8.  KLM3, 
HOLLO  KOHBIN'S,  Jn.,  and  HAKIJY  GUBTLBU0N.  ADyoiie„f 
1u.-i.oBton.-a  w».en  bound  In  l.«uk  form  Bell  for  »1.25.  THE 
COLDEN  OARCOSY  Ib  the  n...  s.  itiu«tratrd  aul 

i    «?IfSjant   «»-*-ltIy  paper  publl^lied  Id   the  United 

BlateB,COBIIllg  nearly  SSOO  a  week  to  II I  not  rate.  Wo  are  poll- 
live  When  once  Introduced  Into  a  family  It  will  always  remain  and 
wc  shall  alwuyfl  havo  yon  na  a  permnuent  ,-  ■■>  ■  ■■■■  r.  Our  IIkI  of 
cunliibutorBcmtiiac.;  I  lie  l..ent  latent  o(  tlie  world,  among  whom 
may  be  mentioned:  IKJltAT  0  ALUKK,  Jk.,  EDWAHD  s.  ELLIS, 
HARRY  CASTLEHON',  FKANK  H.  C0WTEB8B,  JURY  A. 
DKMSON,  KDWAKD  ETKEB1T  II ALE,  OLITEB  OPTIU  and* 
IIobt  of  Otiikks.  Our  Firm  la  known  aa  one  of  the  tnoal  rell.Ho 
lu  t  he  UniK-d  States,  and  doing  a  biulncfts  o!  $»00,000  yearly 
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Show  Ihla  to  yom  frlenila,  and  get  Oto  to  join  you,  and  wo  will 
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•t*  Cut  this  out,  It  will  not  appear  again. 


DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome   Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale'. 


/LADIES  ATTENTION!,!,! 

'  100,000    new  readers    for    our  par, 
-J.  in  order  toollluiu  them,  nud  to  in 

l*  It  into  every  lioinc  in  tlie  I'MON,  wcareT. 

iiijtcxtruordnmiy  i.IKts.    W'v  will  Bcml  tho  l 

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rti>r  the  next  Uiree  tuonilu  to  all  who  will  send  uil 

130  cents,  in  one-cent   poaloge  itomps,  to  help  pnyf 

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|nation  Family  Ncc-dle    Package,  containing  vjsm 

Needle-,  put  up  in  improved  wrnpperi.1 

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^Storiea,   Sketches,    Poems,    Puzzles,    Pictures,- 
in  foot,  everything  to  nmutc  tud  in-tructj 
wliolc   Iiiniily   circle,  from   the   uses   i 
eight  io  eighty.    Write  to-day.    Address 
i. Youth  Publishing  Company,! 
'ttDoanc  Street,   BOSTON,   laASA.j 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS 

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are  Safe,  CVrtnJn 

llllll         I  .lici'i  1l;i  I. 


14 


THE     WASP. 


CANCELLED     NOTES. 

D.  A.  M.  Buoy.  ■-  It  is  true,  as  you  allege,  that  Sweden 
is  .about  to  erect  a  monument  to  the  fa  ue  of  Charles 
Darwin.  But  it  is  untrue  that  Mr.  Darwin  was  the 
author  of  the  celebrated  aphorism  :  "  The  Dutch 
have  taken  Holland.'1  That  sentence  is  an  excerpt 
from  a  powerful  work  called  The  Letters  of  Junius, 
written  by  Mr.  Loring  Pickering. 

G.  Irltgir.IiE. — You  are  unwise.  The  hosen  possibilities 
you  display  are  so  indifferently  exploited  by  the  tin- 
type you  send  that  one  is  bewildered  to  distinguish 
'twixt  the  limbs  of  the  chair  and  the  legs  of  the  lady. 

John  Bunyan.— Surely  so  genteel  a  spook  as  you  should 
know  better  than  send  us  an  article  on  reciprocity  in 
your  own  handwriting.  If  you  had  asked  Mr.  M. 
Harry  de  Young  to  copy  it  for  you,  now. 

Altoe. — No  one  on  the  staff  of  this  paper  has  ever  been 
in  ''Wonderland."  The  only  San  Franciscan  jour- 
nalist known  to  have  been  there  is  Mr.  Tom  Vivian 
of  the  Chronicle.  That  gentleman,  in  relating  his  ex- 
perience, used  always  to  ejaculate:  "Oh!  howl 
had  'em  !  " 

Enquirer  : — The  youngest  member  of  the  British  Cabi- 
net is  Mr.  Gladstone,  who  is  seventy-three.  The  old- 
est is  Sir  Charles  Dilke,  who  is  thirty-nine. 

Nancy  Lee.— Sacred  poetry  might  be  admitted  to  this 
office.     It  never  has  been  permitted  to  leave  it. 

Queen  of  Magnetism.— A  copper  crown  invites  a  nickel 
fee.     You  ought  to  furbish  your  guilt. 


HOW    TO     TEST     BAKING    POWDERS. 


■Nearly  every  one  who  keeps  a  nose  must  have  observed 
in  hot  biscuits  a  peculiarly  unpleasant  odor.  It  is  com- 
monly gone  before  you  can  make  up  your  mind  what  it  is 
like,  nothing  being  more  elusive  than  the  memory  of  an 
odor.  This  disagreeable  smell  is  in  most  instances  due  to 
the  presence  of  ammonia  in  the  baking-powder  with 
which  the  biscuits  are  made.  Putting  aside  the  question 
of  whether  or  not  ammonia  is  wholesome,  is  there  any- 
thing in  it,  in  the  manner  of  its  production,  in  its  associa- 
tions, to  make  the  eating  it  an  agreeable  subject  to  think 
about  ?  Most  people  probably  regard  it  with  much  the 
same  feeling  that  inspired  the  man  who  had  dined  on 
crow,  they  can  eat  it  but  they  don't  hanker  after  it.  Now, 
the  housekeeper  by  a  very  simple  method  can  detect  the 
presence  of  adulterations  in  baking-powder.  She  has 
only  to  boil  a  small  quantity  in  a  little  water.  If  the 
powder  contains  starch — which  nearly  all  adulterated 
powders  do  contain— it  will  make  paste,  and  if  ammonia 
is  present  it  will  manifest  itself  while  the  starch  is  warm 
by  an  odor  strong  enough  to  be  unmistakable.  No  bak- 
ing-powder should  ever  be  used  without  having  been  sub- 
jected to  this  simple  and  unfailing  test. 

A  baking-powder  is  made  here  in  San  Francisco  that  is 
absolutely  free  from  ammonia,  starch  and  all  other  adult- 
erants. That  is  the  New  England.  It  is  composed  sole- 
ly of  pure  cream  of  tartar  and  bicarbonate  of  soda.  It 
can  be  tested  in  the  manner  described,  or  in  any  other 
way,  and  it  will  bear  the  test.  It  is  the  best  bak- 
ing-powder in  the  market. 


"  Phew,  times  are  hard  !  Now  I  have  30,000  francs  a 
year,  and  it  is  all  I  can  do  to  make  both  ends  meet !  " 

"  Thirty  thousand  francs  a  year,  and  hard  up  !  Why, 
I  have  barely  a  third  of  the  sum,  and  yet  *' 

"  0,  I  know  ;  but  then  you  have  a  wife  and  family, 
and  so  you  can  get  along !  " 


At  the  ball  : 

"  What,  you  here,  Gaston,  when  only  two  weeks  ago 
you  buried  the  wife  who  loved  you  so  fondly  and  to  whom 
you  seemed  so  devoted  ?  " 

"  Well,  and  where  would  you  wish  me  to  be  ?  " 

"  It  does  seem  to  me  that  if  I  had  lost  the  companion 
of  my  life  I  should  be  somewhere  else,  weep' " 

"  Over  her  grave  ?  I  know,  but  the  cemetery  closes  at 
sundown  !  " 


A  NEW   DEPARTURE   IN  THE  APPLICATION 
OF    ELECTRICITY. 

One  of  the  most  simple,  useful  and  practicable  applica- 
tions of  electricity,  which  has  yet  been  given  to  the  pub- 
lic, is  embodied  in  the  new  invention  of  the  Portable 
Electric  Light  Company.  The  little  machine  which  is 
now  attracting  so  much  deserved  attention  is  a  small  elec- 
trical contrivance  which  performs  the  duties  of  lighter 
and  a  burglar  alarm.  As  a  lighter  it  can  be  arranged  to 
produce  instantaneous  light  throughout  the  house,  and 
can  also  be  attached  to  a  medical  galvanic  coil  by  which  a 
powerful  current  of  electricity  can  be  conveyed.  The  in- 
strument is  small  and  compact,  occupying  a  space  only 
five  inches  square,  and  can  readily  be  carried  from  room 
to  room,  as  it  weighs  but  five  pounds.  In  the  second  ca- 
pacity when  attached  to  window,  safe  or  door,  the  un- 
failing current  places  the  trespasser  in  a  decidedly  embar- 
rassing position,  confronting  such  a  party  with  a  startling 
bell  and  instant  light.  It  is  equally  adapted  for  the  ordi- 
nary uses  of  a  call  bell. 

Many  prominent  business  men  are  interested  in  the 
company,  which  was  incorporated  under  the  laws  of  Mas- 
sachusetts. Orders  or  inquiries  should  be  addressed  to 
the  business  office,  No.  22  Water  Street.  The  instru- 
ment is  sold  at  the  low  price  of  five  dollars  for  the 
lighter  ;  ten  dollars  complete  with  attachments.—  Boston 
Evening  Star,  Jan.  3d. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L.  Cook  & 
Co. ,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

,  *#*  "  Example  is  better  than  precept."  It  is  well 
known  that  dyspepsia,  bilious  attacks,  headache  and  many 
other  ills  can  only  be  cured  by  removingtheir  cause.  Kid- 
ney-Wort hns  been  proved  to  be  the  most  effectual  rem- 
edy for  these,  and  for  habitual  costiveness,  which  so  afflicts 
millions  of  the  American  people. 

REMOVAL. 

The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Coi 
lias  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 

Composed  of  the  best  known  tonic,  iron  and  cinchona, 
with  well  known  aromatics,  is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters.  It 
cures  indigestion,  and  all  kindred  troubles. 


"  What  on  earth  makes  you  announce  that  you  extract 
teetli  without  pain  ?  Didn't  I  hear  every  patient  you  had 
up  here  yell  !  " 

"You  did,  sir,"  replies  the  peripatetic  dentist,  "but 
those  were  shrieks  of  joy  which  they  uttered,  sir  !  They 
were  so  delighted,  sir,  at  being  painlessly  relieved  that 
they  could  not  restrain  their  enthnsiani  !  " 


AMUSEMENTS. 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,    - 


FEBRUARY  i8ch, 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace* 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton"  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

"  CATARRH  OF  THE  BLADDER." 

Stinging  irritation,  inflammation,  all  kidney  and  urin- 
ary complaints,  curod  by  "  Buchupaiba."    81. 

SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Plunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  §5. 

*  No  lady  of  refinement  likes  to  resort  to  superficial  de- 
vices to  supply  a  becoming  semblance  of  her  former  beau- 
ty. It  is  health  alone  that  kindles  the  fire  that  lights  the 
countenance  and  brings  hark  the  fresh  tints  of  the  apple 
blossoms  to  the  faded  check,  If  anything  on  earth  will  do 
this  it  is  Mrs.  Lydia  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound 
which  has  already  brought  health  to  multitudes  with 
whom  all  other  means  had  failed. 


"  FLIES  AND  BUGS." 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."    15c. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,1SS  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 


Charles  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS    &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 

BOOK    AND    JOB 

[Printers 

419    Sacramento    Street, 

Below  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 


Second  appearance  of  the  celebrated  comedian, 

L    I    ZLST    DSZ    , 

"Isaak  Stern,"  in  the  great  character  play,  with  Songs, 

ONE      OF      OUR      PEOPLE  I 

Reserved' seats  every  Saturday  from  9  to  5  o'clock  at 
Sherman  &  Clay's  and  every  Sunday  at  California  Theater. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kreljng  Bbos Proprietors  and  Manager* 

First  week  and  unbounded  success  of  Offenbach's 
charming  Comic  Opera,  in  four  acts, 

THE     BRIDGE     OF     SIGHS  I 
Baldwin    Theater. 

OUSTAVE  PKOHMAN ' Lessee 

Unprecedented  success  of  the  greatest  of  American 
sensational  Society  Plays, 

YOUNG    MRS.    WINTHROPI 

By  the  entire 

MADISON  SQUARE  THEATER  CO'Y. 

EVERY  EVENING  (except  Sunday)  AND  AT  THE 
SATURDAY    MATINEE. 


THE  MECHANIC'S  OK  SPORTSMAN'S 


Malic  uf  razor  steel,  fine  Innidle,  inlaid  iminc- 
lilule.     This  wonderful   Knife   is   almost   as 
r56*  useful  lis  mi  entire  carpenter's  shop, 
^     and  much  handier.    It  hns  screw-driver, flaw, 
«i    kinit-iiiiticr,  machine  i  r  taking  stones  from 
\CJ5ft  hosscs"   feet i   rimnier,   binri-nwl,   nut-cracker, 

^ST  corkscrew,  stout  small  bliide,  aid  a  large, 
idc  bade  It  is  a  full-sized  Knife.  Entire  length, 
les  -lint.  I  inches:  weight,  about  -I  ounces.  Every 
irantecd  exactly  as  represented  nr  money  returned, 

luce     ii     F ily  I'nper  entitled  '*  Youth  "   '"'« 

i    .  wi   will  Mini  it  for  the  1  PXt  four  moi  (lis  to  all 
tvnd  "•  lorty-cicht    cents,  anil  to  each  person 


Youth  Publishing  Co.,  27  Doane  St.,  Boston,  Mass. 

J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  £  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AGENTS    FOE 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hep  worth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


The 

o 
i— i 

ti 
H 
D 

H 
H 


Crowning    Triumph 


of 


-r/r^r 


iioic\k>   patent   eiectii 

world  in  grand  improvements,  sc 
electrical  action.  Most  powerful, 
in  curing;  diseases.  Thousands  of  w 
mechanics,  ministers,  laborers,  bar. 
senators  cured  of  diseases  which  1 
Belt  received  the  highest  Awards 
ilia  State  Fairs,  1S80  and  1881- 
bv  the  State  to  Electric  Belts,  i 
HERALD.  Testimonials  ol  highei 
mation  free. 

W\    J.     IIOICNE,     INVENTOR    and     MtMIKIIKIIC 
Wi  Market  Street.  S.  ■■'. 


H      KELT     IIEAIKS    THE 

jntific  construction,  constant 
iieapest,  durable  and  effective 
.'11  kiiuwii  citizens,  merchants, 
ters,  physicians,  editors  and 
efled  all  medical  skill.  This 
and  Medals  at  the  (  aliloi- 
the  only  medals  ever  awarded 
end  for  HORNE'S  ELECTRIC 
t  character  and  valuable  infor- 


THE     WASP. 


15 


OLIVE     BUTTER. 

An    Absolutely    Pure    Vegetable    Oil. 


MANUFACTURED        B1 


WASHINGTON   BUTCHER'S  SONS,   PHILADELPHIA. 

For  Cooking  Purposes  is  better  than  Lard.        Fully  equal  to   Butter,  and  at  much  less  cost  than  either. 
ONE  POUND  OP  OLIVE    BUTTER  WILL  DO  THE  WORK  OF  TWO  POUNDS  OF  LARD. 

OLIVE   BUTTER   means  health,  economy  and  cleanliness  ;   absolute  freedom  from  all  adulterations  of  any  kind. 

We  present  OLIVE  BUTTER  to  the  public  with  the  conviction  that  it  will  permanently  take  the  place  of  Lard  and  Butter  for  culinary  iiuin.oses.  It 
needs  but  a  single  trial  to  deinonstate  its  ^reat  value  and  merits  ;    and  we  guarantee  it  for  the  following  qualities   viz  : 

It  is  a  pure  vegetable  product,  free  from  adulterations  and  is  much  more  nutritious  than  lard  or  butter.  It  remains  perfectly  sweet  in  every  climate 
and  is  unaffected  by  age  ;  hence  it  never  becomes  rancid.  It  is  much  cheaper  than  lard  or  butter  and  requires  but  half  the  quantity  to  attain  "the  same 
results  in  cooking.  Articles  of  food  cooked  with  it  retain  their  natural  flavor  ;  no  greasy  taste  is  imparted,  the  oil  not  being  so  readily  absorbed  as  ordinary 
lard  or  butter,  because  it  is  a  vegetable  product. 

The  fact  that  we  are  and  have  been  for  many  years  manufacturers  and  refiners  of  lard— our  trade  amounting  to  millions  of  pounds  annually  -and  now 
otter  to  the  public  this  vegetable  oil  of  our  own  manufacture,  for  culinary  purposes  in  lieu  of  hud  or  butter,  is  of  itself  a  sufficient  guarantee. 

Our  Trade  Mark  is  secured  by  letters  patent,  registered  at  the  Patent  Office  in  Washington,  D.  C. 


DIRECTIONS: 

Use  in  the  same  manner  for  cooking  as  you  would  lard  or  butter,  only  use  half  the  quantity  for  the  same  purposes.     Put  up  in  o'0-pound  cases  of  3,  5 
and  10  pound  cans.     For  sale  by  all  grocers. 

W.  J.  HOUSTON  &  Co.,  Sole  Agents, 

No.       37       Market       Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


220 
222 


BUSH     BTl^IEIET 


22* 
226 


pvUF 


ORNIA     FURa// 


TU» 


The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles. 

CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE   PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


F4CTURING    CO^p 


MAKE   HOWIE    BEAUTIFUL! 

House   Decorating  Done  in  the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok   COLOR. 


CONSUMPTION 


I  have  a  positive  re. 
medy  fur  the  above  <lla- 

euNt'  ;  by  Um  uho  Uioub- 
u  ol  cases  of  the 
Worst  kind  and  ofloDg  standing  have  been  cured  Indeed,  so 'strong 
■S  mv  faith  In  Its  elllai.'V,  Dial  I  will  .end  TWO  HOTTLKS  FREE  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TltKATlSK  ,m  Oils  .tls^e,  to  fiiiy  Biiflpr- 
er.     Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCUM,  181  Fenrl  St.,  N.Y. 

A  WEEK.     §12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  Truk  &  Co.,  Augusta,  -Maine. 


$72 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 


Morris  &   Kennedy. 

19  and  £i  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


LIVER  AND   KIDNEY   RECULATOR. 


WHISKIES! 

To  the  Trade. 

We  beg  to  call  attention  to  the  following^full  Jines'.of 
well-known  brands  of  Rye  and  Bourbon  : 

BODRBON. 

NELSON Fall  79 

MILLER.  0.  C January,  '81 

LEXINGTON Spring  '80 

REDMOND Spring'  80 

L.  VANHOOK !  .Spring  '80 

E.  C.  BERRY,  Sour  Mash ■,.  .Fall  79 

MONARCH,  Sour  Mash Spring  '80 

WILOW  RUN Fall  79 

KVK. 

HORSEY Spring  79  and  '80 

NELSON Spring  79 

SHERWOOD Spring  79 

MONTTCELLO Spring  'SO 

MILLER Spring  '80 

Agents  for  bonded  goods  from  several  distilleries.    Sole 
Agents  for 

lldolphn  Woirc's  Sclilcdnm  l  rniuntlc  Schnapps. 
Daniel  Lawrence  anil  Son's  Hertford  Rum. 

Willow  Springs  Distilling  Cos's  Spirits  and 
Alcobol. 
Kennedy's  East  India    Bitters. 
BFor  sale  to  the  trade  in  lots  to  suit. 

WM.    T.    COLEMAN    &   CO., 

Corner  Market  and  Main  Streets. 

SAN  FRANCISCO. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  96  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


AGENTS 


can  now  [n*asp  a  fortnne.  Ont- 
in.  wortli  *M»  free.  Address  E.  0. 
BIDE0UT  &  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.X" 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


*-"£   14/ASP 


ly  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"- 


Round  and  Pressed 
CIGARETTES.     " 


Pure,  Mild, 
"Fragrant  and  Sweet." 


.  ALLEN  &  G INTER, 

M  n.i.r,,.  ci.r.  r..     I! »n 


ICOIA  fj  H  £  m AILOR 


POPULAR     PRICES! 


LARGE    STOCK!  Men's  and  Boys' 

J     Ready-Made  Chthing 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent 


POPULAR    TAILOR  ! 


1 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 

Men's    Furnishing     Goods. 


And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Creai  Tartar  aMBi-Carli.  Sofia 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Won  Bros.  S  Co. 

SAN   FRANCISCO 


siiBiEiRai^iisr  tb^hls^im: 

CURES  Catarrh,  Astimia,  Croup.  Cou^i.s,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases/^ the  Kirlnevs  and  Urinary  Organs  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

i.KiMtr.    4  is    Movu;<»HKitv    STREET.  lor  tale  uy  nil  Drngckla. 


.t-!'  ask    For 

illows   Deer 

Brewed  Dy  0.  FABSS  &  Co. 
WILLOW8     bhEWERY, 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  St&.San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

HI  OCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY    A-     KTJ  KG, 

Ho.    «.">■    SACK  INE.VTII    s  licit. 

First  Bouss  belon  Kearny.      -San  F&ANGIfloa 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 
"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

113    tiny    Street, 

SAN   I'ltANClSCO.  California. 


AN 

Extraordinary      Razor 

HAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
(JURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle;  S3  iu  ivory- 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  .\ATII45f  JOSEPH, 
841  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

Tlie  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING' KNIVES.  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market       Street, 

San    Francisco. 


Prkutiss  Sklby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  U.vdbriiiIjL,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 


Selbv    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUPACTURKRS   QV   

1-..1  i-ine  s  irc-t  trail,  shot,  Kiir  lead.  Pig  Lend,  Solder,  Anti-Friction  Metal,  lend 
lead  I  Ipe.  s   e,  I  $&,«„»»'»•„,„  T  ltl,„.k  rl„,  ,.|„e,  Blue  Stone.  Etc. 

San    Francisco 


Office,    416    Mon  i  gomery    Street 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion. 


Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


DANICHEFTT 
Kid  Gloves -1- 

AL.WAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


w 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR    THE 

HITE     ROSE    FLOTJIR 

HAWDFACTDBED    BV    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

tfSTSee  local  notice  in  another  column, 


<&-QTJD       KEXTnCKY       WIIISKF.V 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    &    BRO'S, 
387     Market    Street, 

OWNERS   OF 

Spreckels'   Line   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


•fz:  NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUR 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


os-DEPOT,  429  and  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. ^ 


PianoS 


Oluckerlng  fc  Sons. Boston;  Bluthner .Leipzig  | 

F,   L.   NeuiDHQu,    Hamburg;    O.    Sehwechtwrj., 

Berlin, 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

VF.AB  MARKET.  SaN  FKAN^ISPO. 


j.  J.  Palmer. 


VaLKNTINB  ItKY. 


PALMER  &  REY, 

ImportersorPrlntlnsandldUiOEnipiiliig 

PRESSES 

And       Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcoek,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  ami  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warflroomst,405<fe407SanKomeSI.S  P 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  B  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

SUOOKSHOBfl     TO 

Craio   and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And    EMBALMERS, 

22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


!.   ItawceHis  Jr., 

.San   Francisco. 

C.       II.         H 'I'. 

O  K 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co  J 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  it.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


DR -THOMAS  HALL'S 

mm 


Bitter] 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  iiM-'  stomach,  and  a*  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal ;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,   Biliousness,    General    Debility    and 

kindred  diNuu.sc*.  .  ■■     J-,H    r"^'S3        &,>* 

:  This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results;  it 
■  braces  the  Bystem,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
Mtroys  that  wretched  feeling  ot*  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
Tho  tonic  for  its  medieul  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
.lose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made-  from'  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  I'alisaya. 

£7;  For  sale  everywhere  thrrougllout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  II.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco, 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


Btsr  HARDWOOD   LUMBER- 


.    John     Wij^more, 

129    lo    147    SFEAK1  [SI  ltl.171  ',|»S  I NJ  I  KANUSCO. 


o 

o 


o 
W 

w 

o 

w 
w 

> 


3 

w 

&  o 

*£ 

fig 

B 


CO 
ISO 

w 

CD 

X/l 

CD 
CD 


"W-hDOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD- -Popular  Dry  goods  House-132  Kearny  SUsSSk 


KOiiu:it  «!fr  CHASE,  13?  to  130  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bros  Piaaos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  the  EMEKSOV  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.      Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  R.  Willi ar,  Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

San    Franctscc 


H.    HOESCH, 

Restauran  t, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  lip       -      -       $3,000,000 
Reserve  II.  S.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


^Visk 


Throat, 


Catarrh,/-;  $  „,M 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.   0.    Box,   1886. 
Address: 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    HASSMEK.    <):!:!  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


_JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers     and      Importers     of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,    Fans.  Etc., 


IIS    SUTTER     ST 


.  San  Francisco,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,     sconces,    Candlesticks    and 

Bouillottes. 

RARE     BRONZES.     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WARE 
IN  GREAT         VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


All 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS $1,250,000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts, 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
T>.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wlf.  J.  Button,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P-  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Capt.  A.  M.  Hums,  Marine  Surveyor. 


INSURANCe 


^ig^ii^ 


FIRE   and^iiS^'  MARINE. 

415  CAXIFOKNIA  ST.,  SAN  FKANHSCO. 
Capital,    ;      ;      ;   $300,000  oo. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N,  Knowlea 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'v  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Ding-ley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


FACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
40G  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  I . 


% 


PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


k 


B 


■ 


LIFE  SCHOLARSHIP  FOR  A  FULL  BUSINESS  COURSE,  $70. 


THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTED, 
BEST 

Regulated, 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE 

OK  THE 

Pacific  11  oast. 

Of 


HEADS 

OF 

Families 

■  (Of  moderate  means) 

can  aiva 

THEIR  SONS 


Good  Business 

EDUCATION 

AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 

SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR. 


VIEW  OF  ACTUAL  BUSINESS  DEPARTMENT   OF  PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


,0  POST  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 


ml 


T*n* 


'"*^« 


VOL.    X.  SAN    FRANCISCO,   FEB.    24.    1 S8H 


N.  . 


R  O  K  D  E  R  K  1  * 

Onampagne. 


'faM 


Fob 
Breakfast 

ASD 

Lunch 

!o  to  the 

New    England 

KITCHEN. 

5  22 

Cullfitriilu  St. 


hHE  CELEBRATED 

IAMPACNE  WINES 

■mot.  Deit/&  Gklukruass  Av,  en  Champagne. 


I      IA4IIET    KLA\<- Extra    Bry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     (.KEEN      SEAL, 

In  boskets,  quarts  ami  pints. 

BDEAIX   BED   AND  WHITE  WINES, 

In  eases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOIK     WINES, 

n  cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

arles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
:;n       SACRAMENTO      STREET. 


"Give  ay  son  a 


lil.'t 
PHAMBEELAIW  &  ROBINSON 

BROPRIETrHB. 

R 


j 


ACIFIC 

„       BUSINESS 
ftOLLEGE. 


""SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS!    (I 


Leopold  Bro's 

IT-Loir-ist 

35  POST  STBEET,  below  Kearny 
Bonqnets  BasketB,'Wreathes,CroBseF 


S 


hotographer. 


.DUOR    MERCHANTS, 

822  and  824  FRONT  STREET, 
HI   FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


LEN   NTGARY&CO, 


."WHOLESALE. 


5COFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

tipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

«  0    and     13  2     Front     Street. 

ALSO  — 

ramento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from    Mr.   Louis  Roederr-r.  Beinu,  over  Ji 
Consular  Invoice.)    Before  purchasing;,  see  tint  each  ease  anil  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACON  DRAY  &  CO 


.'jiintun-  and 
Sok-  Agents  (or  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA   WINES,  Etc., 
Til    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White.  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    tilV 

tit  KM  II      lilt  I  Mill.-., 

1'IIIIT.     -Ill  Kill.     Etc. 
In  bond  or  duly  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
:;is    Front     Slreel,    Boom    '!,     Sun    Frnnrlseo 


FRAGRANT 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOB    SALE     III     ALL    DRI  UGISTS. 


James  Shea.          A.   Bocqukraz.          R,   McKke. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

E 

.     MA  RTI  N     &.     Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Li»|Uor  Dealers. 
"  HILTON    .1.    IIAIIDI," 

"J.    F.    CITTEH," 
and    "  WILLI : It's    EXTRA" 

Old    Bourbon    Whiskies. 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  .laehson    street-. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 

a    r~*  ~r— T   T  ■  "T  T*  Z 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOEOHTING,  ^HAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHARDS    &    HARRISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
.V.  W.  Corner    SANSOHE   and    Ml  It  llllMli    Streets,    Sun    Francisco. 


f 


iper  Heidsieok 


CHAMPAGNE! 


HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

.'il  <   il  ii'nr  niii  m..  Mm  t'rnm-Kro,  *  n\ 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

C.     Z1NNS, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No*  3  MotUKuiiicr.v    SIrri'I  Ol  iconic  Temple), 


SAN     FHANCLSC( 


m&  COLTON 

DENTAL       ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  evtraetinj.'  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

BOOHS    6,    H    mill      10, 

Entrance,  snfi  Market  street. 

Dr.  lilts    >V.    Ill  (  K  I  li.  Dentist. 


EDA'ARD    E.   OSBORN. 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and    Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


k 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonlo  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


DIjAi^OflHazeIton  Bros 
First  Class,   1    pallet  ^umston, 
,«•    -■  t»   •         %     A.jM.  BENHAM, 

Medium  Price,-!  ^h1s  s  EATO] 


FULL    VALUE 

FOR   YOTJR  MONET 


OHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Ooarad  8c  Co's 

ejBUDWEJSER  BEERj 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  of  Exeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


The 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 


iarBeeelYed  nwnnls  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  A«;BICIILTI!RAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Best  Work- 
manship. 


METJSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARU  'THK   STY1ES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


Bur   YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UWDERWEARI  OF*  CflRMflWY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manafacturerf",  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealer* 
id  every  Description  of 

Furniture  ^  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 

SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery. 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  ban  Fh-ancisio. 
Fresa  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  OAV- 
IAR  and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
Sausages.  A.  BEHSCHE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DEI  iiDMiriii.i:  (extra), 

L.  icolld.ltKlt  (sweel  and  dry), 

MOET  A    (I1A\I>(»>. 

l'El'YE    (  IKOIOI. 

For  sale  b,     A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND  431  BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYifi    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
tW  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladies'  &  Gents'  suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs. 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dved  without  shrinking. 
<  II  VS.  .1.  HOLME*.  I'mii. 


WILLIAM     F.     <?MITH      M.      D„ 

(Oculist.) 
TJiORMERLY  AT   No.  313  BUSH  STREET.  HAS 
"  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  anil  lie  Market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.     W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  11 1<  i><>\  Ai  i>.  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,   Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

;i ;  to  235  Spear  si.,  218  to  226  Stuart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant, 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-KOOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.    1 .  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY-WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


W 

Wines  and  Liquors  j  ""^f'J*^ 


o  1 16  rs  B  rot  h  g  rs  Sl  Go  I  ^rancisc°  daneri.  hbnrt  Casanova 

aTtal      .  I     F,     DANERI    &    Co., 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Dealers  in 

LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


qan  crancisco:qtock  drewert, 

Capital  Stock 

$200,000. 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP   IN   ANY  CLIMATK. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


WILLIAMS,  DIM0ND  &  CO, 

SHIPPING   and 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

MJNOTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu. 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  C"- ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited): 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald 
win  Locomotive  Wn»fes;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo. 
Nic^    A^hton  &  Sou's  fjlt. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    T 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


(3^dfe&A»^ 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

8S*~None  Genuine  unless  bfurin^  our  name  on  :Lnb^l  and  Cork  . 


sm% 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

#*  626  iyiONTGOiyil-BY,ST.8L.S.E.CO_R.SUnEJg.aDUPai}I.STS, 

0 .  r.  :      .  .  -  -,  -       f^s 


L-    P.    DEGEN,    Maker    of 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


0 


PQ 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


O  p 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.  ■ 

soil    iioM'i.oiii.ici   St..  Sim   Francisco. 
H  .      N.      COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TANNED 

LEATHER  BELTINC&  HOSE. 

105    MARKET    STREET,! 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto". 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  (.rain  ami  <'oninil*sioii  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS  OF 

P  APE    E 


OF    ALL     RINDS. 


413  and  415  Sanson.*-  St. 


Drink 

BOCA 

Beer. 


The   Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  the    Pacific 
Const. 

Office 
400    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


CALIFOBNIi 

Sugar   Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Befinery,  Eighth  and  Brannan  streets. 

OLAUS  8PRE0KEL.S President 

J.  D.  8FREOKEL8    Vice-Preident 

A.  E.  SPRE0KEL8 Secretary 

THE     AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     IK1M1SM1. 
Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Presldedt 
©nice— 208  ('allium ia  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


SiTRADE 


MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

415     JIABKET     STBEET,     S.     F. 


GVOL.  10. 


X°<343 


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IP 

"NEVADA 


■C-Af  It  CRN! Av 


4RIXC 


THE        MODERN         LAOCOON 


THE     WASP 


THE    FATE     OF    WUN     LUNG. 


Have  you  ever  heard  tell  of  Wun  Lung  ? 

If  you  haven't,  just  list  to  my  story  ; 
It'll  harrow  your  soul,  it'll  make  your  tears  roll, 

For  its  tinged  more  with  terror  than  glory. 
The  scene  is  laid  here,  the  time  but  last  year — 

I  deal  not  with  days  stale  and  hoary. 

Would  you  know  how  appeared  this  Wun  Lung  ? 

He  was  ugly,  and  little,  and  yellow, 
Had  a  small  flattened  nose,  and  wore  scarecrow  clothes 

And  in  years  was  approaching  the  mellow  ; 
And  his  up-standing  eyes  wore  a  look  of  surprise. 

Yes,  Wun  Lung  was  a  queer  sort  of  fellow. 

Would  you  know  where  resided  Wun  Lung  ? 

'Midst  Chinatov.-n's  wretchedest  squalor  ; 
He'd  eat  and  he'd  sleep  where  a  cat  scarce  could  creep, 

His  surroundings  not  worth  half  a  dollar. 
His  lodging  was  bare  of  both  table  and  chair, 

And  than  many  a  kennel  was  smaller. 

Would  you  know  what  he  did — this  Wun  Lung  ? 

For  a  low  Chinese  "  hell  "  he  was  doorman, 
And  every  night,  whether  wet,  dull,  or  bright, 

He  stood  there  to  stop  or  to  lure  man. 
And  if  ' '  Meliean  man  "  any  entrance  should  plan, 

.Wun  gave  the  alarm  to  the  foreman. 

Would  you  know  of  the  lo  /es  of  Wun  Lung  ? 
He  loved  very  much,  and  loved  badly ; 
On  lumpy  Ching  Ching,  and  greasy  Cho  Ling, 

And  vacant  Gee  Fatt  he  looked  gladly  ; 
And  for  him  in  their  turn  they  let  their  hearts  yearn, 
And  hated  each  other  most  madly. 

Would  you  know  how  they  fared  with  Wun  Lung  ? 

One  day  to  Ching  Ching  he'd  go  stealing, 
Next  day  for  Gee  Fatt  his  heart  would  pit-pat, 

And  the  next  to  Cho  Ling  he'd  be  kneeling ; 
And  so  puzzled  he  got  midst  the  charms  of  the  lot 

That  his  heart  ran  the  risk  of  congealing. 

Would  you  know  how  they  worried  Wun  Lung  ? 
At  night,  when  his  work  was  severest, 
They'd  rush  to  his  side,  one  another  deride, 

And  each  claim  Wun  Lung  as  her  "  dearest "  ; 
And  when  Lung  was  done,  to  better  the  fun, 
He'd  run  with  the  one  that  was  nearest. 

Would  you  know  which  did  marry  Wun  Lung  ? 

One  day,  when  with  opium  demented, 
Ching  Ching  came  along,  and  gave  coaxings  so  strong 

That  he  wedded  ber— then  he  repented. 
Yes,  he  married  Ching  ChiDg,  without  parson  or  ring, 

And  when  sober  the  business  resented. 

Would  you  know  how  Ching  treated  Wun  Lung  ? 

She  vowed  she'd  dire  punishment  measure 
To  the  Mongol  who  said  if  he  hadn't  her  wed 

His  life  would  have  been  more  a  pleasure ; 
So  she  waited  the  hour  when  firm  in  her  power 

She  could  torture  poor  Lung  at  her  leisure. 

Would  you  know  what  she'd  stored  up  for  Lung  ? 
One  night,  when  he'd  supped  off  clam  chowder, 
She  his  opium  charged,  and  the  dose  much  enlarged, 

Then  filled  a  revolver  with  powder ; 
And  as  he  lay  dazed  the  pistol  she  raised, 

And  used  all  the  strength  heaven  allowed  her. 

Would  you  know  the  hard  fate  of  Wun  Lung  ? 

Well,  the  pistol?  so  heavily  loaded. 
Was  let  off  so  close  to  his  small  pretty  nose 

That  the  worst  of  all  deaths  was  foreboded ; 
But  the  dose  was  too  much,  for  at  the  first  touch 

The  blessed  revolver  exploded. 

Would  you  know  what  became  of  Wun  Lung  ? 

The  wife  of  his  bosom  lay  shattered  ; 
The  blow  that  was  meant  Wun's  life  to  have  spent 

Had  Ching's  own  existence  all  scattered  ; 
When  Lung  made  it  out  what  the  row  was  about, 

He  said  that  it  hardly  mattered. 

Would  you  know  what  next  came  to  Wun  Lung  ? 

He  went  and  he  wedded  another. 
This  time  for  Cho  Ling  he  made  the  great  fling, 

And  his  bride  with  fond  kisses  did  smother. 
But  one  day,  to  his  awe,  he  discovered  a  flaw, — 

He'd  married  both  Cho  and  her  mother  ! 

Would  you  know  what  at  last  befell  Lung  ! 
He  yellower  grew,  and  more  ghastly, 


For  the  mother  of  Cho  carried  on  with  him  so 
That  in  Chinese  he  cursed  her,and  vastly  ; 

Yes,  this  mother-in-law  was  the  one  final  straw, — 
He  died  of  her  ;  such  was  his  "  lastly." 

Would  you  now  like  the  moral  of  Lung  1 
The  moral  this  tale  has  been  spelling 
Is  that  dangers  most  great  the  Benedick  wait 

Who's  a  mother-in-law  with  him  dwelling, — 
More  than  pistols  or  fire,  or  murderous  ire, 
For  only  death  gives  her  expelling. 

— James  Burnley. 
San  Francisco,  February  $4,  1SS3. 


THE    SQUAWK     OF     A     PLUCKED     POET. 


I  am  tempted  to  give  a  little  side  incident  of  my 
last  interview  with  Jay  Gould  and  wrestle  with 
Western  Union  in  Wall  street.  I  had  .  seen  the 
stock  go  down  about  eighteen  points  and  so  bought 
one  hundred.  It  fell  five  lower  and  I  took  a  hun- 
dred more.  Five  points  lower — I  took  another, 
and  so  on  until  I  was  getting  alarmed.  I  thought 
Jay  Gould  under  some  obligations  to  me,  or  at  best 
a  true  friend,  and  so  stepped  across  from  my  hotel 
to  see  him.  He  was  kind,  quiet  and  purry  as  a 
kitten,  almost  playful,  and  soon  began  to  point 
out  on  his  maps  the  line  of  his  new  Atlantic  cable. 
He  himself  opened  the  subject  of  telegraphs. 
The  occasion  was  opportune.  I  handed  him  a  cer- 
tificate of  purchase  of  Western  Union  and  asked 
him  what  to  do,  as  I  was  already  on  the  edge  of 
my  margin.  He  looked  at  the  paper  with  a  sweet 
and  innocent  surprise,  as  if  saying  :  ' '  Only  to 
think  that  any  man  would  touch  that  worthless 
Western  Union  .'  " 

' '  I'm  so  sorry  that  you  have  bought  this  stuff. 
My  telegraph  is  the  other  line,"  he  sighed  at 
length. 

"\es;  I  know.  But  I  bought  it  because  I 
thought  it  cheap,  Mr.   Gould. 

"It  is  cheaper  now,  Mr.  Miller." 

"  And  will  it  be  cheaper,  Mr.  Gould  ?  " 

"  Well,  we  —looking  at  his  son — "  have  not  a 
share  of  it.     It  ought  to  be  a  great  deal  cheaper. " 

"Then  I  shall  sell  twice  the  amount  I  hold,  and 
hedge.     Thank  you,  and  good  night." 

And  the  next  morning  I  did  sell — sell  right  and 
left — for  the  whole  bottom  seemed  to  be  falling 
out  of  Western  Union.  It  kept  on  tumbling  and 
by  noon  I  was  even.  By  one  o'clock  I  was  not 
only  even  but  almost  rich.  I  was  a  richer  man 
than  I  had  ever  been  before. 

I  remained  a  rich  man  about  thirty-five  minutes. 
The  tide  began  to  turn  against  me.  Western 
Union  bounded  up  with  a  rapidity  that  fairly  made 
me  dizzy,  and  by  the  time  the  hammer  fell  in  the 
Stock  Board  I  literally  had  not  car  fare  left. 

Having  plenty  of  leisure  time  after  that  I  wrote 
-down  the  above  conversation  and  have  copied  it 
here  exactly.  I  have  not  seen  Mr.  Gould  since. 
But  I  find  that  at  the  time  he  said  he  had  not  a 
share  of  Western  Union  he  had  two  hundred 
thousand  shares,  and  was  picking  it  up  as  fast  as 
he  could  knock  it  down.     Honor  ? — Joaquin  Mille. 


A  gentleman  who  is  interested  in  the  manufac- 
ture of  that  filthy  compound  called  oleomargarine, 
approached  the  editor  of  this  paper  yesterday  and 
said,  in  an  aggrieved  tone  :  '.'  I  wish  you  would 
let  up  in  your  attacks  upon  oleomargarme.  You 
are  injuring  my  trade,  and  taking  the  bread  out  of 
my  children's  mouths."  "  My  dear  sir,"  replied 
the  editor,  "  if  you  grease  their  bread  with  the 
disgusting  stuff  you  sell  to  others,  the  sooner  it  is 
is  taken  out  of  their  mouths  the  better."  The 
bull-butter  man  said  nothing  more,  as  he  walked 
away  with  a  saddened  countenance. — California 
Grocer. 

Inquisitiveness  rebuked  :  Mistress  (to  applicant 
for  cook's  position):  "  Why  did  you  leave  your 
last  place?"  Applicant:  "  You're  very  inquisi- 
tive, marm.  I  didn't  ax  yer  what  for  yer  last  cook 
left  you." 

When  a  woman  rushes  out  into  the  yard,  her 
eyes  flashing  with  executive  determination,  and 
picks  up  a  piece  of  board  to  throw  at  a  hen,  it  is  in- 
teresting to  see  how  quickly  all  the  children  play- 
ing in  the  vicinity  will  run  in  front  of  her  to  pre- 
vent being  hit. 

The  Philadelphia  News  says  that  adulteration  is 
so  prevalent  that  you  cannot  purchase  a  quart  of 
sand  and  be  sure  that  it  is  not  half  su^ar. 


PERSONAL 


The  Viennese  "  Waltz  King"  is  about  to  wed  a 
third  wife,  having  divorced  a.  second.  The  new 
bride  will  not  change  her  name,  being  already  a 
Strauss,  but  will  change  her  religion,  being  at  pres- 
ent a  Jewess. 


A  jurist  is  not  always  unuseful.  Chief  Justice 
Cartter  of  the  District  of  Columbia,  in  addition  to 
the  merit  of  spelling  himself  with  two  ts,  has  in- 
vented a  wooden  table  cover.  The  dignity  of  the 
bench  is  preserved  by  the  lucky  circumstance  that 
another  fellow  has  secured  the  patent. 


Miss  Emma  Nevada  Wixom,  who  is  constantly 
being  mistaken  for  Miss  Emma  Wixom  Nevada, 
has  had  her  salary  raised.  She  promises  not  to  re- 
turn to  America  until  it  has  been  raised  to  thirteen 
hundred  dollars  a  month.  Her  sage-brush  ad- 
mirers, fearing  that  she  may  be  persuaded  to  re- 
main always  in  Paris,  have  offered  her  the  free- 
dom of  Virginia  City. 


When  Mrs.  "Gath"  asked  Tom  Ochiltree  if  he 
had  heard  that  her  George  Alfred  had  called  him 
"  the  greatest  liar  in  America,"  Tom  replied : 
' '  Yes,  madam,  but  did  you  not  know  there  were 
three  greatest  liars  in  America  ?  "  "No;  who  are 
they  1"  "Well,  I'm  one,  and  your  husband  is  the 
other  two." 


The  New  York  World  recently  reported  that 
Mephistopheles,  tempted  by  the  rumors  of  wild 
and  unceasing  gayety,  visited  the  metropolis  two 
weeks  ago  and  attended  two  balls  at  the  Academy, 
one  at  Delmonico's  and  several  other  entertain- 
ments, and  was  discovered  on  Saturday  evening  at 
the  Grand  Central  depot  looking  slightly  dispirited 
and  about  to  start  for  home.  To  the  "  farewell  " 
of  a  bystander  he  remarked  :  "  I've  had  a  perfect 
time  ;  it  has  been  beautiful  and  enjoyable  ;  but  I 
can't  stand  it  any  longer  and  am  going  back  to 
my  quiet  little  infernal  regions  for  a  while." 


The  late  Lord  Keane's  will  stated  in  unequivocal 
terms  that  his  funeral  must  not  cost  more  than  two 
hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  His  father's  cost  five 
hundred  pounds  and  the  Earl  made  comment  : 
"  Which  I  consider  a  shameful  waste  of  money." 


That  eminent  vivisectionist,  Br.  J.  Burton  San- 
derson, has  accepted  the  Wayneflete  Professorship 
of  Physiology  in  the  University  of  Oxford.  There 
iB  much  regret  expressed  thereat  by  the  leading 
physiologists  in  this  city.  It  was  at  one  time  hoped 
that  Dr.  Lane  bad  been  able  to  secure  the  distin- 
guished Londoner  for  the  Cooper  College  of  this 
city.  If  that  had  been  possible  vivisection  of  the 
medical  brethren  of  the  Toland  College  and  the 
Homeopathic  Class  in  Oakland  would  have  been 
far  more  pleasurably  scientific  than  it  now  is. 

The  Stockton  Herald,  in  mentioning  the  ruauy 
recent  stories  about  David  Davis,  says  :  "Although 
he  weighs  over  three  hundred  pounds,  and  is  but 
little  younger  than  the  moral  law,  the  lightness  of 
his  conduct  of  recent  years  has  brought  scandal  on 
the  country.  It  is  sad  to  see  an  ex- Justice  of  the 
Supreme  Court  of  the  United  States,  who  is  Presi- 
dent of  the  Federal  Senate,  tripping  around  in  a 
peanut  hat,  low-cut  shoes  and  a  wheat-stalk  cane, 
as  it  were,  ogling  the  marriageable  young  women 
of  thirty-eight  States.  It  is  expected  that  he  will 
sit  on  the  fence  to  see  them  go  by,  but  this  active 
pursuit  of  the  daughters  of  our  land  is  a  little  too 
much  for  a  moral  people  to  bear  patiently." 


The  Democrats  of  Darlington,  Wisconsin,  were 
to  celebrate  the  battle  of  New  Orleans,  or  some- 
thing, in  honor  of  General  Jackson,  and  wanted  a 
picture  of  Jackson  to  decorate  the  banquet  hall. 
No  Democrat  had  a  picture,  and  they  borrowed 
one  of  a  Republican,  and  the  wicked  Republican 
palmed  off  on  the  truly  good  Democrats  a  picture 
of  Daniel  Webster.  The  picture  occupied  the 
place  of  honor  until  a  lady  present  told  them  of 
their  mistake,  when  they  covered  Webster  with  a 
blanket. — Peck's  Stln. 


The  latest  boarding-house  sport  is  called  "Hunt- 
ing the  Clam."  About  fifty  fritters  are  placed  on 
the  floor,  and  the  boarders  proceed  to  tread  for  the 
clam,  and  the  person  who  finds  it  receives  the 
chromo. 


THE     WASP. 


HORRESCO     REPERENS. 

The  Sand  Lot  i>  silent. 

< )'I  tonnell  is  dumb. 
No  longer  revilent 
Grim  Kearney's  base-drum. 
And  the  scent  of  the  sewers  climbt    I  pward, 
With  a  boost  from  the  breath  <>f  Tar  Flat, 
As  thy  workingman  mutters  :  "  [t*a  dry,  Pard  : 
Tv, ■■  mugs  more  "f  that." 

The  Sand  Lot  is  sleeping. 

Its  fleas  aro  all  fled. 
No  maiden  sits  weeping 
Her  Lover,  gone  dead 
By  the  bursting  of  brains  overfreighted 
With  :i  too  zealous  zeal  for  the  cause, 
Her  pel  pup  <■(  freedom  sleeps,  sated, 
A  bone  'twixt  his  paw& 

The  Sand  Lot's  deserted. 
No  red-mouth  remains. 
But  a  host,  all  whitc-shirted, 
Grin  forth  from  the  panes 
That  smile  t<>  the  vision  enraptured, 

In  forty  full  furlongs  of  wall. 
For  the  Working-man's  party  has  raptured 
Tin-  New  City  Hall. 

Alfred  Habdte. 


THE    CAPITAL    OF    THE    COMMONWEALTH. --VI. 


Si'ecial  Cohi:l:si'oni>ence  of  thk  Wasp. 


Sacramento,  Feb.  .'.'.  1S88. 
You  have  doubtless  heard  of  Mr.  Cutter  of  Yub?j 
the  Assemblyman  who  has  a  tender  spot  in  his 
heart  fur  the  harrassed  and  impoverished  owners  of 
the  trans-continental  railroads.  It  would  be 
strange  if  Mr.  Cutter's  voice  had  not  reached  the 
metropolis,  for  his  average  speech,  if  printed  in 
small  type,  would  connect  New  York  and  Sacra- 
mento, and  the  aggregate  products  of  his  jaw,  if  past- 
ed together,  would  girdle  the  globe  and  leave  a  tag 
end  to  facilitate  the  grand  work  of  stretching  his 
neck.     This  sketch  represents  Mr.  Cutter  prepar- 


music  of  iiia  jaw  stirred   bj  eless  pulsation 

"'    ,!'<-  tidea  may  I  0|  ,i1(. 

winter  Btornis  to  gladden  the  hearts  of  tin    i 
tossed   mariner  and   soothe   the  drow   j   l  ■ 
with  the  thought  thai  leagues  ol  watt  i 
them  and  the  irrem  tion. 


•ing  to  swallow  the  railroad,  a  feat  which  he  can 
perform  any  day  without  injuring  his  digestion. 
Like  all  great  swallowers,  however,  from  the  fish 
who  swallowed  Jonah  to  the  persons  who  entomb 
the  story  in  the  depths  of  their  credulity,  Mr.  Cut- 
ter's absorptive  capacity  is  exceedingly  limited  when 
tested  by  some  small  things.  While  able  to  take 
in  the  whole  Central  Pacific  Railroad  without 
straining  even  at  that  camel  of  legislative  crook- 
edness, Mr.  Stow,  the  clamorous  Assemblyman 
from  Yuba  could  no  more  swallow  a  glass  of  the 
diluted  debris  of  the  Sacramento  than  a  mad  dog 
could  absorb  the  contents  of  Lake  Merced.  The 
yellow  water  which  pours  down  from  the  mount- 
ains makes  most  men  gloomily  silent  when  they 
look  on  it,  but  it  only  oils  the  hinges  of  Mr.  Cut- 
ter's vocal  clapper  and  sets  his  tongue  wagging  like 
a  Hail.  In  fact  any  kind  of  water  aggravates  the 
clamor  of  the  jaw  of  this  amalgamated  boa-con- 
strictor and  hydrophobian.  His  future  is  there- 
fore assured.  The  bread-and-butter  problem  oflers 
no  disheartening  difficulties  to  the  member  from 
Yuba,  for  when  the  halls  of  legislation  shall  have 
organized  a  vigilance  committee  to  protect  them- 
selves, he  can  hire  himself  out  as  a  bell-buoy  for 
the  Alameda  flats  or  the  Lime  Point  shoals.     The 


This  is  a  picture  of  the  fat  and  silent  member  of 
the  Assembly,  Mr.  Hirshey.  As  Mr.  Cutter  made 
himself  famous  by  always  keeping  his  mouth  ex- 
tended, Mr.  Hirshy  has  advertised  himself  by  keep- 
ing his  lips  sealed.  He  seldom  talks,  but  when 
the  weather  is  unusually  warm  he  compromises 
with  Ins  constituency  by  sighing.  Even  that  is  no 
small  concession,  for  the  inflation  of  450  pounds  of 
solid  flesh,  which  is  a  necessary  procedure  in  effect- 
ive sighing,  is  a  tremendous  feat  of  lung.  Mr. 
Hirshey  is  engaged  in  the  useful  business  of  rais- 
ing hogs,  and  there  is  a  malicious  rumor  that  he 
came  to  the  Capital  during  the  spring  killing  lest 
the  butcher  might  mistake  him  for  a  line  product 
of  his  own  ranch.  Di  igence  in  book  reading 
has  left  him  somewhat  behind  the  times,  and  when 
the  next  Legislature  is  convened  he  will  probably 
be  winding  up  his  perusal  of  essays  on  towing  and 
homilies  on  wharfage.  The  wags  of  the  Assembly 
practice  small  jokes  on  the  diligent  member  by 
marking  all  kinds  of  books,  "  Report  of  Committee 
on  Corporations,"  "  Report  of  Committee  on  Edu- 
cation," etc.,  and  laying  them  on  Instable.  In 
this  way  the  studious  Assemblyman  has  collected 
a  small  library  for  his  Summer  reading,  the  collec- 
tion embracing  among  other  works  a  Boccaccio's 
"Decamaron"  marked,  "Report  of  the  Committee 
on  Public  Morals,"  and  alarge family Bibleonwhich 
some  sacriligious  hand  has  pasted,  "  Report  of  the 
State  Prison  Investigating  Committee." 


REFORMING     DRUNKARDS, 


An  Open    :  i  luoaists 

illy. 

i  I  believe  if 

thai  drin  ■  |  be  crime,  and  that 

1   Lhe  miser}  in  the  civil- 

■    rectly  or  indirectly  loan 

origin   in   that  vice,  then   it   is  high  time  that  it 

should    be   suppressed,       Bui    that    old    Gulliver 

otto  be  bound  by  your  tilliputian 

ol   prohibition.     5  ou  cannot  aubdue  him  by 

era  with  n 

by  either  the  Big  or  Little  ESndian  factions  of  your 

miniature  party.     He  is  in  your  midst  like  n  Bmb- 

dingnagian  amongst  Yahoos;   and.  as  they  would, 

-  do    '."■<   ob  ci  nely  revile  him  at  ;i  distance,  but 

tnd  fawn  subserviently  in  his  presence.     I 

am  not  fond  of  metaphor,  hut  lei  this  stand  aud  1 

will  plainly  state  facte  from  this  on. 

It  will  require  a  grander  "organization"  than 
yours  one  of  national  extent-  to  suppress  drunk- 
enness, and  even  such  a  party  oai i  accomplish 

tin-  work  vicariously.  It  must  bo  done  by  dealing 
with  the  individu.il  drunkard.  As  the  pioneer  ol 
tin  coming  party  I  will  point  out  the  course. 

The  Government  considers  ami  treat*  as  its 
wards  all  the  red  savaged  within  its  borders,  cloth- 
ing and  feeding  them  upon  reservations,  keeping 
i  in  in  constantly  in  fine  condition  for  their  periodi- 
cal raids  of  murder  and  rapine,  without  any  partic- 
ular obligation  to  do  so  and  with  no  possible  pros- 
pect  of  profit  or  reward.  Let  the  I  iovemment  also 
make  thedi  unken  Bavagea  within  its  borders  its  pro- 
teges— but.  in  a  different  manner.  We  have  gov- 
ernment parks  and  reservations  for  military  pur- 
poses, and  to  conserve  the  sublime  and  beautiful  in 
nature— including  the  Indians;  let  us  also  have 
government  reservations  to  conserve  our  morals. 
Oui  parks  of  the  sublime  can  only  be  enjoyed  by 
the  wealthy  and  are  therefore  a  minor  good,  but 
the  benefit  of  our  moral  reservations  will  be  forced 
upon  those  in  need  of  them  and  will  prove  a  good 
to  the  majority. 

When  drunkards  are  reformed,  saloons  will  close 
without  any  prohibitory  legislation. 

Agriculture  is;  the  most  healthful  as  well  as  the 
most  necessary  employment  for  civilized  man. 
Establish  Government  Farms  at  proper  intervals 
throughout  the  Union,  convict  a  man  for  drunken- 
ness and  put  him  for  a  term  upon  a  farm.  If  he 
has  others  depending  upon  him  for  support,  pay 
them  the  current  wages  for  his  labor  and  they  will 
fare  much  better  than  they  would  if  he  chose  his 
employment  ami  worked  when  he  pleased.  Two 
months  on  a  farm  with  steady  labor,  wholesome 
food,  proper  raiment  and  steady  habits  will  do 
more  toward  reforming  a  drunkard  than  all  the 
prohibition  laws,  praying  bauds  aud  homes  for  ine- 
briates in  Christendom. 

Many  young  drunkards,  after  a  term  on  such  a 
Farm,  would  leave  it  in  perfect  health,  thoroughly 
reformed,  and  returning  to  their  families  find  them 
more  prosperous  and  happy  because  of  this  enforced 
absence  than  they  had  ever  known  them  before, 
and  there  is  no  fear  that  such  indications  will  be 
lost  upon  such  men.  Other  men,  older  in  years 
or  in  habit,  will  never  leave  the  farm  permanently 
until  they  go  in  a  wooden  overcoat,  feet  foremost. 
Hut  they  will  be  better  off  at  the  farm  than  in  the 
house  of  correction.  They  will  be  earning  some- 
thing toward  the  support  of  their  dependents,  and 
when  the  fumes  of  alcohol  are  washed  away  in  sweat 
and  their  poor  chaotic  brains  are  left  in  a  thinking 
condition,  the  knowledge  of  this  fact  will  kindle 
some  glow  of  manhood  and  self-respect  in  their 
hearts,  and  for  the  sake  of  those  they  used  to  love 
they  will  go  with  willing  fuet  and  hands  about  the 
allotted  toil  that  may  save  the  wife  from  the  alms- 
house or  the  daughter  from  the  street. 

I  would  send  to  the  farm  the  drunken  priest 
from  his  altar,  the  drunken  magistrate  from  his 
bench,  the  drunken  editor  from  his  tripod,  the 
drunken  lawyer  from  his  briefs,  the  drunken  doctor 
from  his  pills,  as  readily  as  I  would  the  drunken 
hoodlum  from  his  haunts  :  and  I  would  work  them 
there  until  even  the  dream  of  drunkenness  were 
sweated  out  through  their  skins.  SELAH. 


Here  is  a  sketch  of  the  real  Boss  of  the  Democ- 
racy, Judge  Terry,  as  he  sits  in  the  hulls  of  Il- 
lation. His  attentive  air  is  due  to  the  fact  that 
Mr  Cutter  is  shaking  the  windows  with  his  treble. 
The  other  auditors  who  are  not  included  in  the 
sketch  are  even  more  appreciative,  for  they  aie 
snoring.  Percival  Gixhooia. 


"Agitate  !  Organize!  Educate!'   isthetriplel  slo- 
gan of  "ihe  boss  communists  who  are  essaying  the  role 

of  "Micawtier  Unwashed,"  on  the  lowest  political 
stages  of  this  town.  If  the  unsavory  fellows  would 
only  reverse  the  order  of  their  impertinent  advice, 
the  honest  workmen  of  the  community  might  prof- 
itably ponder  thereon. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


FEBRUARY   24,   1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  U2  CALI- 
FORNIA  ST.,  BELOW   KEARNY,    EY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

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The  bill  introduced  by  Senator  Lynch  to  amend 
the  pilotage  laws  is  a  good  one  in  the  main,  and  its 
passage,  if  it  pass,  will  be  a  distinct  advantage  to 
commerce.  The  sections  fixing  the  number  of 
pilots,  prescribing  their  duties  and  providing  for 
the  revocation  of  their  licenses  for  cause,  and  those 
relating  to  the  appointment  of  Commissioners  and 
the  manner  in  which  they  shall  transact  their  busi- 
ness are  wise,  conservative  and  practical.  There 
are  two  sections  that  seem  to  us  objectionable.  It 
is  provided  that  if  any  pilot  endeavoring  to  assist  a 
vessel  in  distress  shall  suffer  loss  the  vessel  shall 
be  liable.  It  it  hard  to  see  why  a  pilot  should 
enjoy  this  exceptional  immunity  from  the  risks  in- 
cidental to  his  business  and  perhaps  entailed  by 
his  own  incompetence.  If  he  were  assured  of  a 
reasonable  salvage  in  case  of  success,  that  would 
seem  to  be  a  better  incitement  to  zeal  and  daring. 
The  vessel  in  distress  should  pay  nothing  except 
to  those  who  actually  relieve  her.  In  section 
2166  the  traditional  extortion  for  services  not  ac- 
cepted is  perpetuated  by  the  provision  that  an  in- 
ward or  outward  bound  vessel — excepting  whalers 
and  fishers — declining  the  offer  of  a  pilot  shall 
nevertheless  pay  him  half  rates — one-quarter  rates 
in  the  case  of  an  inward  bound  vessel  spoken  in- 
side the  bar.  There  is  about  as  much"  seuse  and 
justice  in  this  as  there  would  be  in  compelling  a 
countryman  who  resists  the  gentle  street  suasion 
of  a  Jew  clothing-dealer  to  pay  that  gentleman — 
for  the  encouragement  of  trade — half  the  price  of 
the  coat  that  was  made  for  President  Arthur  and 
was  a  little  too  small. 


The  bill,  however,  is  a  marked  improvement  on 
the  present  law  and  probably  goes  as  far  in  that 
direction  as  it  was  safe  to  venture,  having  in  view 
its  adoption.  It  is  the  next  best  thing  to  the  re- 
peal of  all  pilotage  laws  whatever.  There 
is  not  a  more  vicious  tradition  rooted 
in  the  legislative  mind  of  the  century  than 
that  it  is  the  duty  of  a  Government  to  look 
after  the  welfare  of  ships  arriving  at  and  depart- 
ing from  its  ports.  If  this  matter  were  left  to 
private  enterprise  commerce  would  quickly  adjust 
itself  to  the  new  condition.  Ships  would  then,  as 
now,  require  assistance  in  navigating  the  waters 
of  an  unfamiliar  port,  and  then,  as  now,  they 
would  get  it.  Then,  as  now,  the  pilot  offering  his 
services  would  present  his  credentials  in  proof  of 
his  competence.  But  the  signature,  instead  of 
being  that  of  a  State  Commission,  would  be  that 
of  a  private  person  or  firm  whose  reputation  would 
he  as  well  known  to  the  skipper  as  that  of  a  Lon- 
don bank  to  a  San  Francisco  merchant,  or  a  Cal- 


cutta merchant  to  a  London  importer.  There 
could  be  no  monopoly  or  extortion  in  a  business 
that  requires  only  a  few  inexpensive  boats  and  in- 
structed seamen  ;  whether  monopoly  and  extor- 
tion are  a  part  of  the  present  system,  or  only 
inseparable  from  it,  is  a  question  that  might  be  dis- 
cussed in  ten  volumes.  If  it  be  urged  that  these 
views  lack  the  approval  of  State  Pilot  Commis- 
sioners, State  Pilots,  the  Governors  of  States  and 
the  governors  of  Governors,  it  will  be  frankly  con- 
fessed that  they  are  open  to  that  objection. 

The  coronation  of   King   Kalakaua   took  place 
at   Honolulu   with    the   solemn   formalities    that 
are  customary  on  similar    occasions  in  European 
capitals.      Opinion   was    pretty    sharply    divided 
on  the  color  line  as  to  the  advisability  of  the  cere- 
mony,   the    European    population    opposing,    the 
Native    favoring.     The   objections  of  the   former 
element   were    mainly    economic :     it     was    held 
to  be  a  useless  waste  of  the  revenues  ;  and  as  the 
revenues  are  mainly  drawn  from  this  class  it  was 
rightly  enough  thought  that  the  protest  was  en- 
titled to   serious  consideration.      The  natives,  on 
the  other  hand,  felt  a  kind  of  dumb  sense  of  some- 
thing lacking  in  the  legitimacy  of  their  sovereign's 
succession,  and   this  unspoken   sentiment  the  im- 
pressive spectacle  and  grave  rites  of  a  public  coro- 
nation  were   intended    to   remove.     There  ■  is   no 
reason  to  doubt  that  they  accomplished  that  ob- 
ject.    If  so,  the  King  has  gained  and  given  the 
best  possible  assurance  of  a  settled  Government, 
fortified  alike  against  the  caprices   of  popular  dis- 
content and  the  machinations  of  selfish  ambition, 
always  quick  to  turn  them   to  its   own  advantage. 
To  us  it  seems  that  this  strengthening  of  the  sov- 
ereign's  tenure   and   consolidation    of    his   power 
must  advantageously  affect  the    investment   and 
security  of  foreign  capital   in  the   Islands.     Any- 
how, the  question  is  now  settled  by  the  arbitration 
of  accomplished  fact,  and  there  is  now  no  longer 
any  reason  why  the  American  lion  and  the  Hawai- 
ian lamb  should  not  lie  down  comfortably  together 
— if  the  lamb  can  restrain  his  disobedient  appetite 
for  spring  lion. 


were  concerned,  the  election  was  a  Democratic  crow 
breakfast  and  they  were  the  crow.  Under  the  guise 
of  a  fair  hearing  they  are  permitting  the  sessions 
of  the  Commission  to  be  used  by  the  Railroad  to 
get  its  whole  case  before  the  public.  They  have 
reversed  the  anaconda's  order  of  business,  covering 
their  living  prey  with  saliva  that  he  may  the  more 
easily  slip  through  when  it  is  time  to  lay  their 
caressing  coils  about  his  ribs. 


The  national  Senate  has  so  far  departed  from 
immemorial  custom  as  to  sanction  the  publication 
of  the  proposed  reciprocity  treaty  with  Mexico 
before  acting  upon  it.  Some  days  must  elapse  be- 
fore the  document  can  be  read  on  the  Pacific 
Coast,  and  we  are  therefore  unable  to  judge  of  its 
wisdom  as  a  whole,  but  it  must  be  a  pretty  bad 
reciprocity  treaty  that  is  worse  than  none  ;  for 
none  means  unbroken  maintenance  of  the  hoary 
iniquity  known  as  Protection,  while  any  signifies 
the  relaxing  of  that  ancient  felon1  gripe  on  the 
public  throat.  It  is  perhaps  fortunate  that  Con- 
gress does  not  know  that  Reciprocity  is  even  dis- 
tantly related  to  Free  Trade,  or  we  should  get  no 
more  of  it.  A  rose  by  that  name  would  have  such 
a  rascally  odor  to  the  nostril  of  American  ' '  states- 
manship "  that  if  flung  into  the  "  halls  of  legisla- 
tion "  the  honorable  members  would  break  their 
necks  in  adjourning  over  one  another's  shoulders. 


It  begins  to  look  as  if  the  majority  of  the  Rail- 
road Commission  were  determined  to  make  Com- 
missioner Foote  the  next  Governor  of  California. 
That  is  the  service  that  Commissioners  'Coon  and 
Beerstretcher,  of  the  old  Board,  performed  for 
Commissioner  Stoneman.  They  bound  him  hand 
and  foot,  gagged  him  and  sat  upon  him  until  the 
people,  attracted  by  the  spectacle  of  "  a  good  man 
down,"  tumbled  them  off  him  into  their  political 
graves,  cut  his  cords  and  armed  him  with  lar^e 
powers  to  do  beneficent  mischief.  Messrs.  Humph- 
reys and  Carpenter  majr  profitably  remember  that 
they  were  elected,  not  because  they  were  trusted 
but  because  they  were  nominated.     So  far  as  they 


When  the  rotten  ship  of  the  Republican  party 
went  down  in  the  last  State  election  two  stowa- 
ways whom  God  had  forgotten  stole  a  boat  and 
paddled  ashore — Mr.  McClure  and  the  Perry 
boy,  Senators  from  the  Tenth  Congressional  Dis- 
trict. They  have  since  been  standing  on  the 
beach,  testifying  their  dislike  of  the  "  tidal 
wave"  by  defiling  the  waters.  Destitute  of  con- 
science as  of  sense,  with  conspicuous  natural  en- 
dowment of  incapacity  strengthened  by  liberal  ac- 
quirements of  ignorance  and  skilled  in  such  accom- 
complishments  as  grace  the  lives  of  tramps,  these 
two  worthies,  coupled  by  the  tie  of  a  common  po- 
litical outlawry,  have  tried  to  make  themselves 
jointly  respected  by  each  multiplying  his  own  in- 
significance by  two.  With  a  touching  faith  in  the 
Gospel  of  Objection  they  have  tried  to  obstruct 
the  passage  of  every  good  bill  and  the  progress  of 
every  needed  investigation.  Each  claims  a  share 
in  the  glory  of  the  other's  defeat  :  when  McClure 
is  sat  upon  Perry  hastens  to  add  his  own  carcass 
to  the  seat ;  when  Perry  is  kicked  McClure  parts 
his  coat-tails,  rubs  the  place  beneath  and  executes 
a  triumphant  grin.  They  repudiate  the  alliance 
only  when  they  observe  Boss  Higgins  combing  out 
his  cat-o'-nine  tails  with  the  fingers  of  his  left 
hand  and  shaking  his  Jovian  head  above  their 
record.  If  the  Tenth  Congressional  District  is  not 
proud  of  this  brace  of  beauties  it  but  imperfectly 
understands  the  advantage  of  possessing  the  nu- 
cleus of  a  traveling  menagerie. 


By  the  appointment  of  Mr.  Dorman  B.  Eaton 
on  the  Civil  Service  Commission,  the  President 
seems  to  have  signified  his  willingness  that  the 
experiment  of  reform  be  given  an  honest  trial. 
Mr.  Eaton  has  been  the  working  brain  in  the 
movement  in  favor  of  civil  service  reform  from  the 
good,  gone  days  when  the  "  practical  politician  " 
sniggered  himself  sick  at  its  mention.  It  now 
"  confines  him  to  his  back  "  with  a  sharp  attack  of 
swearing.  To  the  tireless  efforts  of  such  men  as 
he  and  Mr.  George  William  Curtis  the  country  is 
more  largely  indebted  for  the  light  that  has  pene- 
trated to  its  thinking  apparatus  than  to  all  other 
agencies  combined.  We  are  glad  to  observe  that 
Mr.  Eaton's  two  colleagues  in  the  Board  are  men 
of  whom  nothing  is  known.  There  is  a  chance 
that  they  are  gentlemen. 


The  Evening  Pust,  the  price  of  whose  editorial 
support  fluctuates  between  a  chew  of  tobacco  and 
a  suit  of  cast-off  clothing ;  which  never  con- 
demned a  swindle  except  by  favoring  it,  nor  with- 
drewits  service  from  a  rascal  until  he  promised  to  re- 
form— this  nymph  du  pmxof  journalism  and  literary 
solicitrix  has  discovered  why  the  city  is  bankrupt. 
It  is  because  the  people  in  a  spirit  of  prodigal  ex- 
travagance have  pledged  their  servants  to  a  course 
of  ruinous  integrity  in  the  collection  of  the  reve- 
nues and  a  disastrous  economy  in  their  expendi- 
ture. The  Post  discerns  no  remedy  for  the  finan- 
cial deficit  so  created  but  a  return  to  the  simple 
system  of  taxation  for  the  sake  of  taxation  and  dis- 
bursement without  ulterior  object,  at  the  sweet  will 
of  the  disburser.  Our  contemporary's  pen-picture 
of  a  city  of  nearly  three  hundred  thousand  souls, 
engaged  by  its  representatives  in  the  revolting 
work  of  retrenchment,  is  one  of  the  most  ghastly 
examples  of  word-painting  in  all  the  literature  of 
terror. 


THE    WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


One  can't  somehow  quite  get  the  hang  of  Mr,  P. 
S.  Dorney's  poetry  in  the  Sacramento  Bee.  Its 
sense  is  so  subtle  and  its  charm  so  elusive  thai  ii 
evades  the  understanding,  and  it  mixes  up  the  sensi- 
bilities worse  than  a  pack  of  hounds  after  a  jack- 
ass rabbit.  This  bard  has  a  vocabulary  that  is  a 
sealed  book  to  mortals,  and  his  private  system  of 
grammar  is  a  holy  terror  to  those  who  have  not 
the  duo.  For  example,  iu  his  great  poem,  -The 
Last  Redoubt,"  he  pushes  out  the  soul  of  him  as 
follows  : 

"  Bivouac  forever— great  dead 

Immortal,  wooed  and  truly  free  ; 

The  cold  your  lips  and  Btill'd  your  tread 

Did  not  I  love  I'd  envy  thee  ; 

IM  envy  thee  though  wrap't  in  rout, 

And  stacked  and  stark  in  the  last  redoubt.'' 
To  the  merely  human  intelligence  this  is  alto- 
gether too  entirely  quite.  If  there  were  more  than 
one  of  the  mighty  dead  it  is  wicked  to  say  "  thee" 
instead  of  "  ye  "  ;  if  only  one,  how  the  other  world 
could  he  be  "  stacked  "  in  the  last  redoubt  ?  And  if 
there  was  only  one  there  couldn't  have  been  much 
of  a  fight,  and  Mr.  Dorney  might  almost  as  well 
have  set  his  muse  yawping  over  the  sainted  result 
of  a  snake-bite. 


The  appalling  conundrum  suggested  by  Mr. 
Dorney  in  affirming  that  his  "  great  dead  "  were 
(or  was)  "wrap't  in  rout"  might  perhaps  be 
answered  by  an  undertaker  j  but  when  he  avers  in 
the  next  stanza,  as  he  grimly  does,  that  they  are  (or 
he  is)  also  "  mantled  in  the  victor's  shout  "  he  puts 
too  severe  a  strain  upon  the  imagination  and  it 
goes  all  to  pieces  in  the  effort  to  conceive  the 
double  swaddling.  I  suppose  we  must  try  to  fancy 
the  "great  dead  "  clad  in  rout  as  its  ordinary  cos- 
tume, and  putting  on  the  victor's  shout  as  an  over- 
coat when  it  feelsitself  growing  uncumfortably cold. 


It  must  be  admitted  that  Mr.  Cronan,  being  a 
Senator,  is  not  subject  to  the  jurisdiction  of  Mr. 
Farrelly,  Sergeant-at-Arms  of  the  Assembly  ;  but 
it  is  held  by  the  best  legal  authorities  that  the  im- 
munity, though  extensive,  does  not  embrace  the 
right  to  shoot  that  functionary.  The  honorable 
Senator  seems  to  have  mistaken  the  scope  of  his 
constitutional  prerogatives. 

You  must  learn,  Mr.  Cronan  the  beauty 

Of  holding  your  powers  in  thrall : 

Think  twice  ere  discharging  your  duty 

If  it's  loaded  with  powder  and  ball. 

The  awful  events  that  followed  the  repeal  of  the 
Sunday  Laws  in  this  State  have  cast  a  tenebrous 
gloom  over  the  whole  Christian  community.  On 
the  Sunday  following  the  repeal  a  throng  of  people, 
estimated  at  twenty  thousand,  men,  women  and 
children,  marched  through  the  streets  singing 
blasphemous  songs  and  breaking  the  windows  of 
the  churches.  Many  of  the  Children  of  Light  were 
dragged  from  their  places  of  worship  and  brutally 
beaten.  Some  portions  of  the  city  were  wholly 
depopulated  :  all  the  residents,  with  the  exception 
of  here  and  there  a  just  man,  a  pious  woman  or  a 
righteous  child,  took  to  the  hills  and  got  as  drunk  as 
lords.  The  various  drinking  saloons  were  filled 
with  swearing,  fighting,  shrieking  men.  Many 
temperate  and  God-fearing  citizens  who  ventured 
into  the  streets  were  set  upon  by  worldly  mobs  and 
were  with  difficulty  rescued,  battered  and  bleed- 
ing, by  the  police.  There  was  trouble  everywhere. 
And  overall  this  crime  and  irreligion,  in  the  sweet 
Sabbath  air,  the  church-bells  rang  their  sacred 
chimes  unheeded.      Brethren  it  was  the  verv  devil ! 


Out   of  their  comfortable    homes— out  of  their 


humble  beds  out  of  the  loving  arms  of  wives  and 
away  from  the  sweet  prattle  of  their  babes,  the 
n  were  called  to  their  tasks  by 
godless  employers.  The  Pixleian  Sabbath  do 
longer  interposed  its-broad  regis  between  the  rich 
and  the  poor.  The  pious  mechanic,  with  heaven 
in  his  eye  and  a  hymn  in  his  mouth,  was  cruelly 
haled  to  the  scene  of  his  bondage  ;  the  wicked 
shop-clerk,  with  no  longer  a  Sabbath  to  sober  up 
in,  was  thrust,  shivering  drunk,  behind  his  coun- 
ter. Even  the  minister  of  the  gospel  was  forced 
into  bis  pulpit  to  labor  for  his  heartless  employers. 
California  is  without  a  God  ;  the  Senate  and  the 
Assembly  have  sponged  Mini  out  and  the  Demo- 
crats rule  in  His  stead.  They  say  that  he  wasn't 
much  of  a  God,  anyhow. 


A  meek  "  Young  Christian,"  long  enrolled 
In  the  "Association's  "  fold 
McDowell  bight,  residing  at 
Altoona,  Pennsylvania    Bat 

At  the  receipt  of  treasure.     "  Well, 
The  Devil  tempted  and  he  fell  ?  " 
My  friends,  j  on  greatly  err  ;  I  know 
The  telegraph  reports  it  so, 
But  when  did  that  vivacious  wire 
Speak  otherwise  than  as  a  liar  ? 
The  Devil  tempted  not  at  ail- 
Indeed,  he  scaled  the  brazen  wall, 
And  with  a  dogs'-eared  Bible  came 
To  preach  the  wickedness  and  shame 
Of  thieving  to  that  trusted  youth  ; 
And,  better  to  enforce  the  truth, 
He  cited  some  examples  awful 
( )f  men  whose  dealings  were  unlawful — 
The  tale  of  Ananias  told, 
Who  perished  for  dishonest  gold, 
Nor  left  a  widow  to  express 
Her  sense  of  his  great  righteousness. 
He  showed — the  devil  did— that  all 
Who  when  they're  tempted  weakly  fall 
Come  always,  everywhere,  to  grief. 
He  told  the  story  of  the  thief 
Upon  the  cross  at  Calvary's  mount, 
And  garbled  somewhat  the  account 
To  suit  the  end  that  he  desired  ; 
But  then  the  Devil's  not  inspired. 

With  copious  instance  and  example 
And  illustration  apt  and  ample 
And  edifying  Scripture-reading 
And  every  kind  of  pious  pleading, 
The  Adversary  thus  essayed 
This  thrifty  Christian  to  dissuade 
From  ways  of  wickedness,     Alas  ! 
Before  a  week  it  came  to  pass 
The  man  levanted  with  a  box 
Of  assets,  a  la  Dr.  Cox  I 

The  moral — "  Why  the  moral's  plain  : 
Nick's  not  so  black  as  " — Wrong  again  ! 
He's  blacker.     But,  as  I  was  saying  ; 
The  moral  role  that  he  was  playing 
Disclosed  his  mind's  commercial  turn — 
He  had  his  cash  in  the  concern  ! 


"  Do  you  believe  in  the  doctrine  of  the  transmi- 
gration of  the  soul  ? "  asked  one  member  of  the 
Bohemian  Club  to  another,  last  Saturday. 

"I  do,"  was  the  prompt  reply,  "and  please 
God  I  mean  to  live  up  to  it  :  when  I  am  dead  I 
shall  move  into  the  body  of  that  dog." 

"And  if  the  dog  object  ? " 

"Then  there  will  be  the  toughest  scuttle  that 
you  ever  saw." 

At  one  of  the  too  many  recent  meetings  of  the 
Board  of  Supervisors,  Mr.  Strother  objected  to 
the  payment  of  bills  for  street-sweeping  until  an 
investigation  should  show  that  the  contract  under 
which  the  work  was  done  was  legal  ;  but  Mr.  Ash- 
worth,  with  the  superior  wisdom  which  distin- 
guishes him  from  a  last  year's  bird's-nest,  thought 
the  bills  should  be  paid  first  and  the  nature  of  the 


contract  examined  later     Mr.  Ishworth  i-  as  right 
as  a  preacher:  the  bills  should  first   be  paid,  the 
contract  then  examined,  and  last  ol  all  it  might  be 
o,  ascertain  if  any  worl 


Distrustof  bis  physicians  is  said  to  be  one  of 
the  characteristic  symptoms  -i  the  disease  which 
threatens  to  make  an  endol   Mr.  Vanderbilt,  but 

if   that    is   si.    we    arc    most    nt  us   in    a  "pretty  bad 

state  of  health  and  would  better  put  ourselves  under 

itment  of  a  pestilence   at  once. 


.Mr.  Berbert  Spencer  accuses  a  I I   reviewero! 

attempting     to    connect     him    with    .Mr.     II j 

George,  whose  book,  Progrtsi  and  Poverty,  he  con- 
temptuously dismisses  from   consideration  as  tilled 
with  visionary  ideas.     Mr.  Spencer  is  wrong  about 
that:   nearly  every  newspaper  in  San   Francisco 
has  approved  -Mr.  George's  book  as  one  of  the  Un 
mortal  works  of  genius,  and  it  was  deemed  worthy 
of  notices  as  long  as  a  man's  arm  in  both  the  .Mil 
pitas  Mummydoodl  and  the  Jackass  Gap  '  tartbn 
Mr.  Spencer  was  doubtless  actuated  by  the  mean 
est  motive — if  one   motive  of  a  great  man  can  be 
meaner  than  another. 


It  is  announced  that  General  Booth,  the  Chief 
of  the  Salvation  Army,  will  shortly  make  a  pro- 
fessional visit  to  Oakland.  He's  needed  over  there, 
but  if  he  go  to  exhorting  on  one  street-corner  and 
Jack  Satan  on  another  I  can  tell  you  who  II  have 
the  bigger  audience. 


SCRAPCAST1C. 


"  Sweet  fields  arrayed  in  living  green. 
And  railroads  of  delight." — ffpnin. 

The  business  of  a  great  lawyer  is  to  make  the 
most  evident  truth  appear  uncertain.  If  a  great 
lawyer  become  a  Supreme  Judge,  his  business 
habit  robes  him  on  the  bench ;  hence  there  is  a 
great  Field-  -for  speculation.  This  is  a  joke — un- 
der the  14th  Amendment. 


If  our  law  carve  a  criminal  Mongol's  queue  by 
reason  of  his  religion,  can  we  carve  his  religion  on 
account  of  his  queue  '.  If  not,  what  becomes  of 
the  Missionary  Society  ?  If  the  Missionary  is  free 
to  damn  the  cause  of  the  queue,  why  should  the 
Constable  care  for  the  result 2  "  Thereby  hangs  a 
tale."  The  effort  to  solve  this  problem  is  the  cause 
of  the  late  mortality  in  the  ranks  of  California's 
able  jurists. 

When  the  King,  "by  the  grace  of  God,"  was 
our  sovereign  he  could,  in  certain  cases,  instantly 
wrest  his  delegated  authority  from  the  unfaithful, 
promise-breaking  servant  and  smite  off  the  traitors 
lying  head.  Served  him  right,  too.  Now  that  the 
people  are  sovereign,  instead  of  the  King,  the 
halting  majority  of  the  Railroad  Commission 
should  remember  their  October  promises,  and  be- 
ware of  his  majesty,  the  public,  who  carries  arms 
and  is  getting  hot.  This  is  written  in  the  interest 
of  peace  and  pick-handles.  Pick-handle  pro-rogue- 
ation  is  a  sovereign  remedy  for  dilatory  ofheiation. 

"  Old  Mother  Gregory's  gray  goose  -dead— 
And  out  of  the  window  she  pops  her  head, 
But  the  fox  is  out  of  the  Town-towti-e  : 
The  fox  is  out  of  the  Towne." 

Extremely  Old  Ballad. 

The  late  revelations  before  the  California  Board 
of  Railroad  Commissioners  show  that  the  State 
has  played  the  part  of  Old  Mother  Gregory,  and 
looked  out  a  little  too  late — the  gray  goose  is  gone. 
But,  with  the  able  assistance  of  Mr.  Foote,  we 
seem  to  be  getting  the  fox  out  of  Towne.     S.  O. 

Burn  Toad  Valley,  February  10,  1SSS. 


The  Alia  complains  that  not  one  of  our  harbor 
pilots  has  been  able  to  lay  by  sufficient  money  to 
hire  a  double  team  and  take  a  drive  through  the 
park.  We  don't  want  them  to  drive  through  the 
park — not  even  if  by  their  so  doing  the  skipper  of 
the  Casino  might  be  spoken  inside  the  bar. 


THE     WAS!J 


LITERARY    NOTES. 


Months  ago,  when  Mr.  H.  H.  Bancroft  was  en- 
joying unchallenged  the  fruits  of  his  daring  impost- 
ure iu  the  glory  of  authorship,  a  writer  in  this 
paper  aHirmed  that  lie  was  in  no  right  and  recog- 
nized sense  the  author  of  the  historical  works  pub 
lished  in  his  name.  It  was  asserted  that  his  corps 
of  underpaid  "  hack  writers  :'  not  only  collated  his 
materials  but  wrote  his  books  ;  that  Mr.  Bancroft 
was  unable  to  write  a  dozen  consecutive  sentences 
of  good  English,  aiid  in  point  of  fact  merely  tran- 
scribed the  work  of  his  assistants.  It  was  then  af- 
firmed that  posterity  should  not  honor  the  name  of 
Mr.  Bancroft  as  that  of  a  "great  historian,"  but 
reprobate  it  as  that  of  an  impostor.  In  some  quar- 
ters this  was  regarded  as  the  idle  threat  of  a  con- 
ceited man  ;  in  others  as  the  amusing  judgment  of 
a  humorist.  Now  that  the  great  journals  of  the 
Eastern  cities  are  discussing  Mr.  Bancroft's  claims 
to  his  purchased  honors  and  there  is  a  general  ex- 
posure of  his  pretensions,  the  "threat"'  appears  to 
have  another  significance.  That  Mr.  Bancroft 
himself  is  somewhat  disturbed  we  infer  from  the 
fact  that  he  has  tvice  sent  one  of  his  employees  to 
us  to  effect  a  "reconciliation,"'  and  that  such  jour- 
nals as  the  Bulletin  and  the  Argonaut  (both  of 
which  have  published  for  money  long  commendatory 
"  reviews  "  of  his  books,  written  in  his  own  library) 
are  "  defending  "  him  in  a  characteristically 
sneaking  way — calling  names  but  mentioning  none. 
It  is  one  of  the  traditions  of  these  papers  that  their 
censure  is  beneficial  to  its  object  ;  and  we  are  not 
disposed  to  quarrel  with  this  distrust  of  their  own 
abilities  in  that  direction,  for  it  entirely  agrees 
with  our  own  estimate  of  their  literary  skill. 

We  published  last  week  a  letter  from  Mr.  Charles 
H.  Phelps  to  the  New  York  Evening  Post,  concern- 
ing this  matter.  In  a  communication  which  we 
have  not  seen,  Messrs.  G.  P.  Putman's  Sons,  pub- 
lishers, undertook  with  true  commercial  thrift  to 
controvert  Mr.  Phelps'  statements.  By  way  of 
closing  the  discussion  Mr.  Phelps  publishes  a  se- 
cond letter,  which  is  here  subjoined.  We  may  add 
that  we  know  Mr.  Phelps'  charges  to  be  true,  and 
are  prepared  to  prove  them  in  a  court  of  law  : 

To  the  Editor  of  the  "  Evexing  Post."— Sir :  Upon 
reading  in  your  issue  of  last  evening  Messrs.  G.  P.  Put- 
nam's Sons'  well-meant  correction  of  my  statements  in  re- 
gard to  Mr.  H.  H.  Bancroft  the  "historian,"  I  am  some- 
what forcibly  reminded  of  the  Academicians  who  submit- 
ted this  definition  to  Cuvier  :  "  A  crab  is  a  red  fish  which 
crawls  backward  "  ;  and  to  whom  the  savant  is  reported 
to  have  made  response  :  "A  crab  is  not  red  ;  and  it  is 
not  a  fish  ;  and  it  does  not  crawl  backward  ;  but,  with 
these  exceptions,  your  definition  is  admirable/' 

Passing  by  the  somewhat  pertinent  inquiry  as  to  which 
of  us  is  the  better  authority  in  regard  to  events  in  San 
Francisco— I,  who  have  lived  there  many  years  past,  or 
Messrs.  Putnam's  Sons,  who  have  resided  over  three  thou- 
sands miles  froin  there  ;  overpassing,  also,  the  somewhat 
significant  fact  that  the  defenders  of  the  "historian  "  are 
so  little  informed  as  to  his  movements  that  they  locate 
his  business  office  on  Montgomery  street,  where  it  has  not 
been  since  Mr.  Bancroft's  pre-historic  days— I  wish  to  say 
that  my  letter  was  written  for  the  express  purpose  of  cor- 
recting just  such  impressions  as  those  entertained  by  them. 
While  it  is  true  that  some  years  since  the  firm  of  H.  H. 
Bancroft  &  Co.  suffered  an  alphabetical  change  and  be- 
came the  firm  of  A.  L.  Bancroft  &  Co.,  and  while  it  is 
also  true  that  Mr.  H.  H.  Bancroft,  the  "historian  "  bus- 
ied himself  for  a  time  in  making  his  collection,  it  is  now 
no  longer  the  fact,  as  Messrs.  G.  P.  Putnam's  Sons  and 
others  have  been  led  to  believe,  that  Mr.  H.  H.  Bancroft 
has  "retired  from  all  active  share  in  the  management  of 
the  business,"  or  that  he  "  devotes  himself  exclusively  to 
his  present  literary  undertakings."  Nor  is  it  a  fact  that 
his  brother,  A.  L.  Bancroft,  now  absent  in  Europe,  has 
managed  the  business  in  San  Francisco.  On  the  contrary, 
for  a  long  time  past,  Mr.  H.  H.  Bancroft  has  been  the  ac- 
tive head  of  the  business  house  and  has  given  his  time, 
day  by  day,  to  its  countless  details,  during  which  time  his 
histories  have  steadily  progressed  on  the  other  side  of  the 
city.  The  only  "  literary  undertakings  "  fostered  by  the 
Bancrofts,  at  their  business  office,  have  been  a  history  of 
the  industries  of  the  Pacific  Coast,  in  which  every  firm 
who  paid  a  bonus  received  a  handsome  notice,  and  a  bio- 
graphy of  local  great  men,  in  which  every  gentleman  who 
paid  S25U  was  honored  with  a  full-page  portrait. 

Now,  my  letter  was  not  written  to  deprive  Mr.  Ban- 
croft of  any  of  the  credit  which  is  rightfully  his  for  mak- 
ing the  collection,  but  to  give  to  those  to  whom  it  is  act- 
ually due  the  credit  of  writing  the  book.  It  is  a  word  of 
simple  justice  which  should  have  been  spoken  long  since. 
The  charge  was  not  made  anonymously,  nor  for  gain.  No 
one  will  be  more  glad  than  I  to  see  it  disproved.  But  if 
Messrs.  G.  P.  Putnam's  Sons  will  observe  carefully,  they 
will  see  that  this,  will  not  be  done. 

Chas.   H.   Phelfs. 

New  York,  February  J,  1883. 


It  is  instructive,  as  showing  the  condition  of  "lit- 
erature" in  California,  to  note  the  methods  by 
which  its  honors   are    here   sought   by  the  class  of 


men  that  the  Bulletin  and  the  Argonaut  aid  and 
abet.  In  addition  to  Mr.  Bancroft,  we  have  Mr. 
Warren  Cheney,  proprietor  and  manager  of  our 
only  magazine,  whose  audacious  plagiarism  the  New 
York  Tribune  recently  exposed,  and  whom  we  had 
the  honor  of  assisting  to  the  kind  of  fame  that  he 
deserved.  The  infection  is  general ;  the  whole 
"  republic  of  letters  "  on  this  coast  is  touched  by  it. 
It  is  rife  even  among  the  callow  rhymsters  of  the 
State  University  — as  will  be  seen  from  the  follow- 
ing extract  from  the  letter  of  a  San  Francisco  cor- 
respondent in  the  New  York  Tribune  : 

The  Tribune  s  exposure  of  the  plagiarisms  of  Warren 
Cheney  in  his  article  on  Bret  Harte  in  the  January  Over- 
land Monthly  fell  on  the  literary  colony  here  like  an  earth- 
quake. It  was  the  more  unfortunate  because  Cheney  is 
the  managing  editor  of  the  magazine  and  has  started  out 
with  much  flourish  of  trumpets.  It  seems  that  the  peri- 
odical has  found  a  patron  in  an  iron  founder  of  this  city, 
but  he  does  not  advance  sufficient  money  to  insure  any 
adequate  pay  for  contributions.  Hence  the  magazine  is 
largely  filled  with  articles  by  amateurs  eager  to  see  their 
names  in  print.  Recently  a  dinner  was  given  by  the  pat- 
ron in  honor  of  the  revival  of  the  old  Overland.  Many 
local  literati  were  present  and  the  plagiarist  editor  was 
seated  between  two  sweet  singers  of  Oakland.  His  ex- 
planation of  the  "unconscious  cerebration"  of  which  he 
has  been  guilty  is  not  given.  A  ludicrous  case  of  the 
like  literary|larceny  has  leaked  out  at  the  State  University. 
The  Berkeleyan  Society  recently  made  arrangements  for 
publishing  a  collection  of  verses  by  students.  While  the 
volume  was  in  the  printer's  hands  it  was  discovered  that 
one  of  the  sonnets  by  an  undergraduate  damsel  was 
"  bonded  "  bodily  from  Coleridge.  Later,  when  the  sheets 
of  tluee  hundred  copies  had  been  struck  off,  another  son- 
net, stolen  from  a  well-known  English  poet,  was  found. 
The  sheets  were  destroyed  and  the  disgusted  printer  was 
forced  a  third  time  to  make  up  the  hook. 

Oue  of  the  Bulletin's  editors — the  Rev.  Mr.  Bart- 
lett — is  a  zealous  promoter  of  Mr.  Cheney's  maga- 
zine. If  we  are  not  in  error  he  is  also  one  of  the 
"persons  of  authority''  who  "revised  and  ap- 
proved "  the  volume  of  College  Verses  noted  above. 
We  know  that  he  wrote  an  appreciative  review  of 
it  in  his  journal.  Will  Mr.  Bartlett  now  have  the 
characteristic  honesty  to  rise  to  the  defense  of  Mr. 
Cheney  and  the  fledgling  plagiarists  of  the  Univer- 
sity ?  Will  not  Mr.  Hart  of  the  Argonaut  put  a 
few  more  pennies  in  his  pocket  by  also  vindicating 
these  persons  in  his  "literary"  journal.  !  With 
our  one  magazine,  our  one  high-class  daily  and  our 
one  literary  weekly  to  do  their  bidding,  the  ancient 
and  honorable  order  of  lettered  iin posters  and  de- 
tected plagiarists  ought  to  find  California  a  very 
pleasant  place  to  do  business. 


We  have  received  the  Annual  Report  of  the  Pres- 
ident, Treasurer  and  Librarian  of  the  Mercantile 
Library  Association.  This  is  not  a  cheerful  book  for 
those  who,  without  any  knowledge,  are  forever 
boasting  of  the  intellectual  status  of  California. 
The  following  brief  extract  from  the  report  of  the 
President  of  this  excellent  and  deserving  institu- 
tion may  be  read  by  them  with  profit  to  their  un- 
derstandings : 

It  is  now  my  sorrow  to  have  to  say  that  the  Librarian 
reports  a  net  loss  of  paying  subscribers  during  the  past 
year.  This  lessening  interest  in  our  noble  institution, 
this  decline  in  our  numbers  which  for  years  has  been  go- 
ing steadily  on,  are  facts  which  cannot  he  ignored.  I  can 
but  regret  and  deplore  this  unceasing,  mild,  decadence.  I 
can  offer  no  adequate  remedy.  Indeed,  I  am  obliged  to 
confess  that  in  my  opinion  the  causes  lie  very  deep,  are 
inherent  in  the  social  and  business  condition  of  things, 
and  that  as  a  result  the  libraries  of  our  country,  unen- 
dowed and  dependent,  and  of  which  ours  is  a  type,  can 
have  but  one  fateful  ending. 

As  showing  upon  what  kind  of  literary  pro  vend 
the  Calif ornian  of  the  better  class  exercises  his  men- 
tal tooth,  the  Librarian's  "Table  of  Circulation  " 
is  instructive.  It  appears  that  05.4  per  cent,  of 
the  books  given  out  are  what  he  classes  under  the 
softened  name  of  "Romance" — meaning  thereby 
not  romance  at  all,  but  fiction  of  the  trashiest  sort. 
No  other  single  class  of  books  can  show  a  higher 
figure  than  5.2  per  cent.  And  this  in  a  library 
stocked  with  the  choicest  and  best  of  the  world's 
standard  literature  ! 


AN    HUMBLE    TRIBUTE. 


Thriftily  haggled  for  silver  Iscariot ; 
But  he  was  a  tyro  compared  to  young  Marriott. 
True  son  of  his  father,  in  all  but  the  heart  of  him, 
The  devil  himself  has  had  never  the  start  of  him. 
The  betting  is  even.    Were  Satan  ahead  of  him, 
The  very  next  morning  the  devil  were  dead  of  him. 
— Alfred  Hardie. 


No  Whiskey/ 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  one  of  the  very  few  tonic 
medicines  that  are  not  com- 
posed mostly  of  alcohol  or 
whiskey,  thus  becoming  a 
fruitful  source  of  intemper- 
ance by  promoting  a  desire 
for  rum. 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  guaranteed  to  be  a  non- 
intoxicating  stimulant,  and 
it  will,  in  nearly  every  case, 
take  the  place  of  all  liquor, 
and  at  the  same  time  abso- 
lutely kill  the  desire  for 
whiskey  and  other  intoxi- 
cating beverages. 


Rev.  G.  W.  Rice,  editor  of 
the  American  Cluistian  Re- 
view, says  of  Brown's  Iron 
Bittars: 

Cin.,0.,Nov.  16, 1SS1. 

Gents : — The  foolish  wast- 
ing of  vital  force  in  business, 
pleasure,  and  vicious  indul- 
gence of  our  people,  makes 
your  preparation  a  necessity ; 
and  if  applied,  will  save  hun- 
dreds who  resort  to  saloons 
for  temporary  recuperation. 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
has  been  thoroughly  tested 
for  dyspepsia,  indigestion, 
biliousness,  weakness,  debil- 
ity, overwork,  rheumatism, 
neuralgia,  consumption, 
liver  complaints,  kidney 
troubles,  &c,  and  it  never 
fails  to  render  speedy  and 
permanent  relief. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


HEGREAT  CURE 


As  j 


RHEUMATISM- 


t  is  for  aU  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS, LSVER  AND  BOWELS, 

It  cleanses  the  system  of-  the  acrid  poii 
that    causes    the  dreadful    suffering     which 
only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms  of  t.hjK  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICK,  $1.  I.IQTID  OR  DRV,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 

Dry  can  be  sent  bv  mail, 
WELLS,  RICHAUDSONfe  Co    BurlinErton 


KIDNEY-WORlT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

la  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  tho  evil  effects  of 
juuibful  follies  and  excesses. 

UK.  I1INTIE,  who  is  a  regular  phyololan, 
prndiiatc  of  the  University  of  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  forfeit  Five  Hundred  Dollars  for 
acaseofthekind  the  VITAL  RESTORATIVE 
( under  bis  spcci.il  advice  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  the 
quantity,  S10.  Sent  to  any  address,  confi- 
drntjilly.  by  A.  E.  MINT  IE.  M.  D.,  No.  11 
Kearny  Street.  S.  F.    Send  for  pamphlet. 

SA1IPLB  BUTTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  staling  symptoms, 
twx  and  ace     Strict  secrecy  in  ''II  transactions 


THE     WASP. 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

.i""""  orthlaCompanj  will  anil  from  Broadway 
rpo,   Washington   ami   Idaho  Torrltorli 

•  Columbia  and  Ala.k  i.    «  folio  n 

7ir1"Jw|,";vo:,v""T"  "'""'  """"•-  The  Stoameis  ORI- 
ZABA an.l  ,\.\in.\  sail  everj  Bvedaye  .   Sa„  r„f„ 

OWZABA  10th  20th ijnd  30th ol  each  month      Ijfcos  5th    16th 

fad  25th  of.  ieh  month.    The  Steamer  LOS  ANGELES  „|.„," 
HMnudu  it  •   •   ".for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey.  San  Sli 
uc«e,  Ganota,  Santo  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura  ' 

btlii'.hA.    carrying   i.  3,   Bails,  gain   from   Portland    On 
utthi    1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend  vi   T    \ 

tona  and  Nanalmo,  B.  C,  Fort  v, ,  „,_..|.  ,,„  ,    lt„,  iia'rrtobure 

Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townae tfa  Wctorio     , ■ S 

Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Fn i, .;„„,„,  ,,,,,   ™^  "--' 

ELDLI,  and  DAKOTA,  cam  in-  Hit  Ilrittaiiic.Miii. -ti  -and  I'liltcd 
5    jT'lmi8',"?.'    'r°"J  BrK"h">   »■''■'"".  Sin   Fran,.,;,,,   a,  ■■         , 

on  the  10th   20th   and  80th  of  each  „ th,  for  Victoria    II  c     Port 

Townseiid,  battle.  Tacomn,  Stela ,,,   „,d  <  i|„,,pi„    ,  ,  iki  ,.'-' ,  1  ,". 

connection  with  steamboats,  etc,  for  ska-it  River  SdcS 
Mine,,  Nan;,,,,,,,,  Ne«  Westninste'r,  Vale,  Sitka  and  al  otheMm 
portant  points.     Returning;,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  lWn*cnd  at  1 

mault)  at  11  a.  ».  on  the  10th.  20th  and  30th  of  each  month 
Qfote.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th.  20th  or  30th  steamers  sail 

from  San  Fraud ,e  day  earlier,  and  fro,,,  Sound  porXd v£ 

tona  one  day  later  than  stated  ahove.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  X„,;,i,„,,'  about  evcrv  t»  ,  week  fas 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Or'lDF!. 

Portland.  Oregon,  Konlc-The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the   Pacific   Coast   stcamshi,,  Company  dfa- 

TrIE  pTnV-A"^  Wi"r!  7*  '"'  thl'  *""«>"!-  ',1-EEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC.  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA.  riKF.III  IX  or  COLUM 
B  A    carrying  the  cited  States   Mail  and  Wells.  Fargo  *  Co" 

2n2S&2£*l  a"d  *"'"*>"  '»*■"■ '- PortUnd 

rn?vrvn  "1"',  ,,","'>">"<1<  ""J  Koulc.-Steamer  CITY  OF 
(I I  imhoH    Sli  San  Francisco  for  Eureka.  Areata,  Hookton 

( II '  mihi.lt  Bay)  every"  Wednesday  at  9  A.  M. 

ct'Ivti'vf  "■■?",  '""'r,  M'->'<loc'lno   KouU-.-Sta.mer  CON- 

STANTINE  sails  fro,,,  Broadway  Wharf.  San  Francisco,  at  3  r.  M. 
Men0doe,n°o      >'  P"'"' Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little' River  and 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL.  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

EstaMlsned l83(i 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 


Prices  20  per  cent. 


Lower  than  any  other  House  on 
the  ,  Coast. 


SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE. 


BILLIAEDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard- room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM  NOISE -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250.000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOIIV  <  Iti;  t  li  t \,( ,,,,, inrntal  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  states.  Price, 
Slperdoz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.         ap-14 


RUPTURE 

Kelieved  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  inflict,  by 
Dr.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  badca?es  before  and 
after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

"Ilkl '•    iimi"  ■in.    Newark,   Ban     Ins..   i,,.  «.a 

Glenwood,  PelloB  and  Santa  i  rax. 

P10TURE8QU1  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS  BIOTBKES: 
Clara   Valley,  Uonten  rl 

"'  '  '  '•'  'than  o, >  otherrouti      Nochai  nodus! 

'■'l111 I  llrst  class       |.\. 

'       D.footol  M  irki  I  -',.  ■  I   ioi  ru  - 

8"^fl  A„M-,L"U.  West  San  Lorenio,  Wort  San  Loand 
•  \1\1  sella.  Mi    Eden,    ilvarado,   Halls.  Newark,  Centervlllo 

iSl      Los  I 

Urna,  u  rights,  Highland, Olemv 1   Dou  rhei        I 

and  9  \  vr  \  0R1  /..  arriving  12  H, 

2 .Of!  ''■  M    Da")  Expre  -    Ml    Edi  n.  Ui  irado,  \.  i 
■UU  tervillo,  Alviso,  tirnea-s,  Santa  Clara  SANJOSI 
«'  l-1  !!*:'."-''  '"*»>'■  »  <  HI/.  <>.r>  kiiliirilm. 
^ .Oil  F.  M.  (8unday»  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSI 
*T.OU  ate  -t  ,1 

nu  Sundays. Sportainen'a Train,  I  a  v  u.    i: 

Ull  IcavesSauJoscat  5:15 P.  M.,  arrivinu  at  San  Francl 

<I»C  EXCI  RSIONS   TO   SANTA   I  Rl  /    UJD   8S.M  TO  SAN 

M»«  Joac Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Mondi 

clusli  i 

TO     CP1KI.IMI     AMI     tl.tWH.ni. 

§8:30—7:30— 8:80— 9:30— 10:80-11  ::i A  M.  "r_::,i  l  30-2-30— 
3:30— 1:30— 5:30— ii:.fo    7.1,1-10:1*,  and  11::!0  I'.  M. 

From  1  on  1  ic. 1,11.  antl  Webftter  sli is.  Oakliiml— §5:57 

—10:57-7:57— S:.v.'    9:5!    10:52— mi:52  A.  M. 

—3:5-2— 4:5-2— 5:52-O:r,'2  —  10:^0   P.  U. 

From  IIIkIi  atreel,  Alumeda— {5:45— {8:45  7:46  9:85  B  Si 
—10:35— 111:35  A.  M.  12:85—1:85—2:35  3:35  1:85  r.;35-«:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§Daily.  Sundays  excepted.     «i  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connectuuj 
with  all  street  c^ir  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Tcincscal.  Uui'icrsit, .  Cem- 
■cteries.  etc.    Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.    Tr,  it 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  olhccs  •.»■.'•>  M.,,,i  ^ ,,  street. 

S.  F.  ;  Twelfth  and  Webster,  Oakland  ;  Park  street.  Alameda. 
A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARKATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  O.  F.  i-  P.  Agt 


BURR  &  FINK, 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co..  St.  Louis.  -  Assets.  $450,000 

German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -         "  350,000 

Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,   -    "  435,000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore.    -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Iiis. 

Co..  Now  York,      ....      "  141.001 1 
Office— 219  Sansome  s^t^eet,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BBITISH  AND  NATIONAL 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME   STREET,  SAN    FltANCISOO.    OAL. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elimvood,    Gleuwood,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELM  WOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Rango,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted,  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them, 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH     [        i 
and  I; 
KorthwMt, 
i  p  i  in  «  ola  in  bin 

• 

i  i>  Hi.   Pend  d'Urelllc  DIvIhIob 

I  I 

North  rn  Id 
i  [»  iii.    Willamette  Vallej 

the  iK-aiittfnl  i  oun  i 

Don  u  Mil-  i  olooiblii     i    i 
i  .  to  Utoria  ind  I 

Over  in  Panel  ttoand 

. 

n-  dellj  i  ■  I 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

Dailj  Slageii  ■  omn  1 1  *  Ith 
direct  tor  >ii<.mhiI;i  ,.ii<l  ..ll  neighboring  ; 

JOHN       MUIR, 
Supl 
Sau Fraurlsi'u ofltce    .'it  Hoatcomers  Bt> 


A  KEY    ( \~     THAT 
WILLV/iNO    w' ANY  WATCH 


AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT. 
Th6Be  KEYS  are  sold 
by  all  WATOHMiKEES  and  JEWELERS  on  the  PA01PI0 
0OA»T.     By  Mail.  25  Cents. 

BIROH  &  CO    36  Dey  street.  New  York. 


Beautiful  new  set  of  Gilt  Palettes, 
Willi  1M.,   50 
Jll-31 


it  OWEET  AS  THE  ROSE.'     . 

O    by  mail,  on  receipt  of  two  3c.  stamps. 
Nassau  Street,  New  York. 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


:863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  Pt.,  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The   most    complicated  cases  of   defective   vision 
iboroughly    diagnosed,  free    of    charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 

to  Order 
py-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE..£J 


Deotselte 

AiHithekc. 

MALDONADO 

PHARMACY, 

36  Geary  Street, 

EDWARD  NEUMANN, 

PIIAKMAtlST 

aa<I   (IIEMKST. 

i                          Fai'inat'le 

Il;ili:ni;i. 

1ARD  COLLECTORS.      A  handsome  set  of  cards  (or    S-cent 
/  stamp.      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y.  Mr-10 


Merchant    Tailors. 


VIEWS      IN      THE      GOLDEN 


PARK.      SAN      FRANCISCO. 


10 


THE      W  A  S  P. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul 
tural  Implements,  Hardware,  etc. ,  °  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  SSTThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 

■T)RUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
fS  Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
*-*  and  Lodging,  per  week,  §5.  Board,  per  week,  §4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  US'  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 

CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  48"  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co. ,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hail-  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 

&OGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  £ST  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co. ,  Commissioa  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
£3T  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

HWACHHORST  (Signof  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1S50  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  «S"  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  Jstreet  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 


T  K.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
I  Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  WThite's 
■*-■'  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
4S"  Strings  a  specialty.  


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     S^A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMLTEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  £S"  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  §12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  JS"The  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


mc    +r\   (£On  per  ^a-v  a^  nome-     Samples  worth  $5  free. 


I  Address  Stikson  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


■■     HEMI»Y    TIETJEN. 

/■^..HENSY  AHRENSJclov   TH.  V-BORSTeL 


/,  S-'44£fy#\^V*v^PME&-H£m  POL 
St//,/,/,'/  tJ/v/t/py2j'£-  {$■& 


ASK   YOUR   GROCER   FOR   "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar   kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;   325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     B@~  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  S5  to  @6.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  $3?  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  $8T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  fell  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
0.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  2S2  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
'  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  1S5  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


M 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 

ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  £ST Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  S500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  <>f  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  O.  tLushes, 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.  Merchant.  SAN   FRANCISCO. 


A    Skin    of    Beauty    is    a    Joy    Forever. 
DR.    T.    FELIX    GOURAUD'S 

Orienial  Cream,  or  Magical  Beautifier, 

pTJRIFIES  as  WELL   as 

-E        BEAUTIFIES     THE     SKIN, 

Removes  Tan ,  Pimples, 
Freckles,  Moth-Patches, 
and  every  blemish  on  beau- 
ty, and  defies  detection.  It 
has  stood  the  test  of  thirty 
years,  and  is  so  harmless 
we  taste  it  to  be  sure  the 
preparation  is  properly 
made.  Accept  no  counter- 
feit of  similar  name.  The 
distinguished  Br.  L.  A. 
™*  Sayre,  said  to  a  lady  of  the 

\  jlaBffTffjr^  "^^    '       J         haut ton  (a  patient).         As 

you  ladies  will  use  cream,  I 
recommend  '  Gouraud's 
Cream  '  as  the  most  harm- 
less of  all  the  Skin  preparations."  One  bottle  will  last  six  months, 
using  it  every  day.  Also,  Poudre  Subtile  removes  superfluous 
hair  without  injury  to  the  akin. 

Mme.  M.  E.  T.  GOURAl'D.  Sole  Prop.,  4S  Bond  St.,  New  York. 
For  sale  by  all  Druutivists  and  Fancy  Goods  Dealers  throughout  the 
United  States,  Canada  and  Europe. eow 


(JWSWi 


BEFORE -AND -AFTER 

Electric  Appliances  are  sent  on  30  Days'  Trial: 

TO  MEN  ONLY,  YOUNG  OR  OLD, 

WHO  are  sufferinsr  from  Nervous  Debilitv, 
Lost  Vitality,  Lack  of  Nerve  Force  and 
Vigor,  Wasting  Weaknesses,  and  all  those  diseases 
of  a  Personal  Nature  resulting  from  abuses  and 
Other  Cavsics.  Speedy  relief  and  complete  resto- 
ration of  Health,  Vino  11  and  Man  hood  Guaranteed. 
The  grandest  discovery  of  the  Nineteenth  Centur- 
Send  at  once  for  Illustrated  Pamphlet  free.    Address 

VOLTAIC  BELTCO.,MARSHALlJ_MIGH. 


CARDS 


AewStvles:  Void  lieveied  Kdge ana 
Cfiromo  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality, 

largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 
tiiromos  with  name.  10c,  a  present 

&  Co.,<Jlintunville,Coian, 


MANHOOD 


RESTORED 


DR.  LIEBIG,  400  Geary  street,  continues 
to  t>-eat  successfully  every  form  uf  Chrome  or  Hpecial  Die- 
ease  without  mercury  minerals  or  nauseous  drugs.  DR. 
LIEBIG'S  INYICM'RATOR  is  the  only  positive  and  perma- 
nent cure  for  nervous  and  physical  debility  loss  of  manhood, 
weaknuas  and  all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  exces- 
ses and  youthful  follies  One  thousand  dollars -will  be  for- 
feited for  any  caBe  of  weakness  or  special  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  followed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
aftpr  trying;  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR.  LIEBIG'S 
l^VIGOR^TOR,  No.  2,  ia  a  specific  for  piostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBIG  &  CO., 
No.  400  Geary  street,  corner  of  Mason  street,  San  Francisco. 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  eow 


The    Crowning    Triumph     of 


IIORVE'S     PATE\T     ELECTRIC     KELT     lll.ll>*     THE 

world  in  grand  improvements,  scientific  construction,  constant 
electrical  action.  Most  powerful,  cheapest,  durable  and  effective 
in  curing  diseases.  Thousands  of  well  known  citizens,  merchants, 
mechanics,  ministers,  laborers,  bankers,  physicians,  editors  and 
senators  cured  of  diseases  which  defied  all  medical  skill.  This 
Belt  received  the  highest  Awards  and  itleilals  at  the  Califor- 
nia Slate  Fairs,  1880  and  1881— the  only  medals  ever  awarded 
by  the  State  to  Electric  Belts.  Send  for  HORNE'S  ELECTRIC 
HERALD.  Testimonials  of  highest  character  and  valuable  infor- 
mation free. 

W.    J.     IIORNE,     INVENTOR    ami    MANUFACTURER, 
;«■.*  Market  Street.  S.  F. 

Wlien  I  say  cure,  I  do  not  mean 
merely  to  stop  them  for  a  time  and 
then  nave  them  return  again,  I 
_  '  jmean  aradlcalcure.  I  lmvh  in  ml  a 
the  disease  of  FITS,  EPILEPSY  0?  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  life-long 
atudy.  I  warrant  my  remedy  tocuretlie  worst  cases.  Because  others 
have  failed  Is  no  reason  for  not  now  receiving  a  cure.  Send  at  once 
for  a  treatise  and  a  Free  Bottle  of  mv  Infallible  remedy.  Give  Express 
and  Post  Office.  It  costs  you  nothing  for  a  trial,  and  I  will  cure  von 
AddresB  Dr.  H.  G.  KOOT,  183  Pearl  Street.  New  York. 


I  CURE  FITS 


THE     WASP. 


11 


BALL-ROOM     TAFFY. 


'Tifl  ;i  popular  form  of  attention, 

In  the  temples  where  Fashion  holds  Bway, 
To  exert  one's  colossal  invention 

And  Batter  in  all  that  we  say. 

There's  no  use  in  appealing  to  I  lupid 

If  you  lack  this  agreeable  vice, 
For  the  ladies  will  vote  you  a  "stupid/1 

And  the  fellow  who  flatters  a  "nice." 

Though  a  terrible  ta.sk  to  be  gallant, 

When  the  girl  meets  you  more  than  halfway, 

Tifl  :i  test  * « f  tliis  Bpecies  of  talent 
Even  then  to  have  something  to  Bay, 

If  you  join  in  the  waltz,  for  example, 
And  your  fair  partner  whispers  :  "  You  dance 

Like  an  angel  "-  (an  excellent  sample 
of  the  taffy  you've  swallowed,  perchance  J— 

You  reply  with  a  simper  entrancing, 
"  Wrung  again  !   for  I  cannot  compare 

With  the  angel  with  whom  I  am  dancing  ! " 
|  Asidt .  J     "  Got  the  start  of  her  there  !  " 

She  returns  to  the  charge  :     "  You're  perfection 

In  more  than  in  dancing  alone." 
And  you  answer  ;    "Please  make  this  correction  : 

"  I'm  exceedingly  near  it,  I  own  !  " 

— BvsSHE. 


RATIOCINATION. 


Deeply  and  Darkly  Dedicated  to  Rev.  H.  W.  Beecher, 
lyn,  N.  Y. 


'  Brook- 


The  scene  was  rural.  The  time  was  autumn.  A 
motherly  rat  having  a  large  family  did  prospect 
for  food  and  comfort  during  the  approaching  win- 
ter. She  found  a  large  corn-crib  full  of  yellow 
maize.  "It  is  enough,"  she  said;  and  then  she 
removed  her  family,  in  the  night-time,  to  a  con- 
venient hole  near  the  crib.  Peace  and  plenty 
dawned  upon  the  rat  family,  but  just  while  the  two 
p's  were  a-dawning  there  came  the  farmer  and  his 
strong  men  with  levers,  blocks,  posts  and  tin  pans. 
Straightway  they  lifted  the  corn-criband  placed  it 
upon  the  tops  of  posts,  with  a  large  inverted  milk 
pan  on  the  top  of  each  and  every  post.  Then,  just 
before  lie  went  to  his  home,  the  farmer  cleared 
away  every  elevation  and  thing  near  about,  and 
left  the  crib  standing,  isolate,  upon  the  posts  and 
the  inverted  pans.  Again  the  night  came  down 
and  the  rats  came  up.  The  mother  rat,  in  the  pres- 
ence of  her  admiring,  hungry  family,  climbed  and 
leaped  and  fell,  then  climbed  and  leaped  and  fell 
again  and  again,  but  no  corn  came  of  it.  At  last 
the  weary  mother,  bursting  into  tears,  cried  aloud: 
"  Dear  children,  let  us  acknowledge  the  corn,  it  is 
evolution  —  the  rat  of  the  future  must  have 
wings." 

MORAX. 

When  cheap  preaching  catches  no  corn,  the  the- 
ology must  evolve — and  it  is  time  to  "rat"  on  the 
regular  clergy.  S.  0. 

Horn  Tnthl  Valley,  February  18,1883, 


THE     DAY     OF     WRATH, 


From  the  Monthly  Financial  Circular  of  the 
great  banking  house  of  Henry  Clews  &  Co.,  New 
York,  we  reprint  the  following  significant  remarks 
regarding  the  future  of  monopolies  in  this  country. 
The  article  is  worthy  of  thoughtful  attention  on 
both  sides  of  the  continent,  and  we  commend  it  to 
the  serious  consideration  of  Messrs.  Stanford, 
Crocker  and  Huntington  : 

"While  our  great  corporations  generally  appear  to  be 
in  a  fairly  prosperous  condition,  yet  a  variety  of  circum- 
stances have  arisen  which  suggest  a  new_ class  of  doubts 
respecting  them.  Their  success  in  obtaining  a  larger  re- 
turn on  the  actual  capital  invested  than  has  been  deriva- 
ble from  other  kinds  of  investment  has  been  principally 
due  to  the  large  powers  they  have  been  allowed  to  exer- 
cise. They  have  had  the  success  that  usually  attends 
the  first  stage  of  a  monopoly  ;  and  the  signs  of  the  times 
seem  to  indicate  that  they  must  now  meet  the  storm  of 
popular  and  legislative  hostility  that  privileged  monop- 
olies are  certain  to  arouse.  The  Grangers'  movement  was 
the  first  symptom  of  such  opposition.  That  has  now 
given  place  to  a  broader  and  more  serious  movement,  or- 
ganized under  the  banner  of  'Anti-Monopoly,' and  des- 
tined to  make  its  entry  into  the  domain  of  national 
politics  through  a  national  convention  to  be  held  at  Chi- 
cago on  the  4th  of  July  next.  This  organization  is  so 
widely  popular  in  its  aims  that  it  is  not  easy  to  say  how 


f;'i-  itsull 

tton  ma)  i  Tl 

; 

utiment 
•  ■it  tin-  question.      \\  In 

i  "ii  the 
assumpti 

. 
consider  BeriouBly  whal  thin  new  sentiment  may  p»u<ibry 
seek  to  accompli  ih   thr 

1 ■     The  mon  thi*  cur- 

rent "f  opinion  becaiue  it  i-  n 
tent,  bul  an  e  i  pre    ioi 

Vp.irt 

from  this  danger  to  >    i  unptiona  ariaii 

e  l  protest,  thei 
dence  that  these  monopolie    o,i  inning  to  work 

«.tii  their  own  defeat.     The  \  underbill 
waa  once  deemed  trap]  npi  tition,  bul 

it  waa  Boon  found  neci  ip  Southern  ■ 'anadu  : 

and  now  Mr.  Vanderl  i  I  bimsell     impelled 

to  purchase  the  '  Niekle-plate'  tine  at  a  price  which 
leaves  it-  shrew  I  i    milli  m  ■  ol  pi orit.      Nor  i- 

1         |    I i  whj    his  roods    ms  ■ 

over  and  over  again  i ■  pleasi I    pi    ilators,  and  he 

I"-  fiuupi.'llcd  in  Imy  "ii'  the  opposition  everj  I  inn       I  n 

Like  manner  the  competitive  i  «t<  iiBi i  the  .jreat  lines 

traversing  the  northwest  maki  ely  difficult  foi 

these  companies  to  escape  n  fierce  warfare.  The  VVostern 
Union  Telegraph  *  lompany  baa  hitherto  acted  on  thr  as. 
sumption  that  they  maysafely  buj  up  oppositions  and  in- 
crease its  stock  out  of  all  proportion  to  the  property  ao  ac- 
quired, and  without  any  real  gain  of  business  resource 

Lt  has  done  this  until  its  stuck  and  coi itments  have 

been  swelled  to  four  or  five  times  the  capital  really  re- 
quired to  do  its  business.  Vie  I  yd  tin-  faster  it  absorbs 
opponents  the  more  rapidly  new  ones  are  forthcoming, 
either  successfully  to  operate  or  to  be  bought  nil  at  a 
profit.  These  are  illustrations  of  the  way  in  which  mo- 
nopolies defeat  their  own  ends  and  die  of  their  own  ex- 
cesses." 

15    VS.     35, 

"If  this  is  not  a  Christian  nation  it  us  a  Chris- 
tian people,"  shouts  the  gospel-gobbling  Sunday- 
lawyer;  but  the  fact  is  this  is  nut  a  Christian  na- 
tion nor  a  Christian  people. 

We  have  over  fifty  minimis  of  people  in  the 
United  States,  and  we  have  just  about  fifteen  mil- 
lions of  Christians  of  all  denominations ;  of  whom 
over  six  millions  are  Roman  Catholics. 

Will  the  Sunday-lawyer  please  cast  his  able  eye 
along  the  line  of  his  meagre  host  of  Sundaynari- 
ans,  and  submit  to  the  awful  majority— the  terri- 
ble disparity  of  15  versus  35 — vide  U.  S.  Census 
Tables  1880. 

"But  then  many  believe  who  do  not  belong." 
Just  so ;  and  thousands  belong  who  do  not  be- 
lieve.    Check! 


LETTERS     TO     THE     EDITOR. 


In  this  city  dramatic  criticism  lias  always  occu- 
pied a  commanding  coign  in  the  estimation  of  its 
readers.  It  is  true  that  a  clear  majority  of  its 
readers  has  always  been  composed  of  the  critics 
who  write  it.  But  in  New  York  not  only  is  criti- 
cism read  but  the  critic  is  himself  an  important 
personage.  Here  no  one  outside  of  editorial  rooms 
and  box  offices  knows  anything  about  George 
Barnes,  or  Peter  Robinson,  or  Jefferson  Leer- 
burger.  In  New  York,  Willie  Winter  and  George 
Montgomery  and  half  a  dozen  others  are  as  well 
known  to  the  public  which  reads  as  to  the  public 
which  writes  and  the  public  which  issues  reserved- 
seat  tickets.  Fancy,  though,  Tom  Vivian  or 
Dave  Nestield  having  the  privileges  enjoyed  by 
Willie  Winter.  There  are  few  harder  drinkers  in 
his  hard  worked  profession  than  the  veteran  critic 
of  the  Tribune.  When  Winter  is  drunk  he  seeks 
the  war-path.  The  war-path  leads  direct  to  Wal- 
laces. At  Wallack's  is  a  battle-scarrod  doorkeeper. 
It  has  always  been  Winter's  privilege  to  lick  that 
doorkeeper  whenever  his  drunk  rises  to  fighting 
heat.  The  result  of  a  round  with  the  doorkeeper 
always  sobered  the  critic.  But  a  few  weeks  ago 
Willie  went  into  the  theatre  hard  hit,  and  forgot 
to  cool  himself  by  a  bout  with  his  friend  As  a  re- 
sult he  fell  into  the  aisle  about  the  middle  of  the 
last'act,  and  was  carried  away  by  the  ushers,  into 
the  fresher  outside  air  and  disgrace.  The  1  <  ibune 
is  now  negotiating  with  Mr.  Charley  Johnson, 
criticette  of  the  Alta— who  is  cold  sober  and  no 
fighter.  

The  editor  of  the  Lodi  Review,  being  also  an  ed- 
itress, has  recently  become  mother  of  an  eleven 
pound  baby.  The  editor  of  the 'Stockton.  Herald 
rises  to  remark  that  "no  male  editor  ic  California 
could  attend  to  Mrs.  duff's  newspaper  work  and 
at  the  same  time  find  leisure  to  occasionally  give 
birth  to  eleven  pound  sons  or  even  nine  pound 
daughters." 


■ 
■ 
Humboldt  county,  for  the  boi 

ith  of  our 

Senator,   Mr.  Ryan,    The  picture  La  lifelike  and 

by  everybody 

i  ..f  our  worthy  Senator,  einoe  tufa 

■i       Urn  h     merita  have  been  I  by  San 

I  rancisco  papera    one  "f    your  contemporaries  ha^  ing 

■  ption  of  him  two  yean  ago.    That  thepeo- 

i   i    ol    Humboldt appra  lated  hia  service*  then,  «.i-  ftp. 

-mi   tbi    Ead    that  Senator  Ryan  waa  wi 

I o  amide)    roara  of   applause  and  ahowers   ol 

which,   by   the  way,  were  aaid  to  have  Bmelled  rather 

Yet  we  are  grieved  to  think  that  Mr.  Ryan  must  have 
ith  that  armor-plated  coat  of  hia  of  whieb  your 
contempo  ■  .  two  yeare  ago,  which  not  only  m 
taine  I  bin  gravity,  but  from  which  Bvery  effort  to  corrupt 
him  would  glance  off  on  account  of  the  coal  bein 
with  thrae-ini  b  boiler  iron.  Had  be  worn  that  coat,  he 
would  hardly  have  Boared  so  high  as  to  have  been  ,-iiii-- 
taken  for  a  blue  jay," 

We  are  glad  to  learn  that  our  worthy  Senator  devotee 
iii    leisure  momenta  to  the  practice  of  the  manly  art,  Bince 

In-  is  cspiviidly   titled    fur    that  vocation    by  hia   powerful 

physique.     Vet,  besides  being  a  man  of  sport,  Mr.  Ryan 
would  do  well  as  a  circus  rider,  siuce  he  rode  into  the  Sen- 

it  i'  l  n'n   years  ago  on  the  backs  of  three  il"iik.  ■. 

One  statement  of  yours  has  given  his  friends  much  grief. 
You  state   Mr.  Ryan  is  a  native  of  Goat  Island,  and  by 

si  doing  you  have  knocked    away  the  last    prop  on  which 

to  build  a  structure  of  greatness  for  our  hero,  [have 
often  transplanted  myself  in  fancy  to  the  Emerald  I  ilo, 
ami  have  mused  and  nearly  deified  my  friend  Ryan  by 
imagining  him  born  in  a  stable  among  goats  and  assi  b, 
like  our  Lord  and  Savior.  I  have  often  seen  him  in  my 
mind's  eye.  in  Ins  boyhood,  seated  on  a  rude  bench  in  a 
mud-hovel}  with  a  rosary  at  his  elbow  and  an  Crish  ca- 
nary at  his  feet,  cultivating  by  the  dim  glimmer  of  a  rush- 
light that  mighty  intellect  which  has  caused  his  fame  to 
res.. Mini  from  one  ocean  to  the  other.  And  now  you  tell 
us  In-  is  a  native  of  Coat  Island  !  Time  and  tears  may 
deaden  the  sting  of  the  wound  thus  made,  but  they  cannot 
Ileal  it.  But,  when  you  tell  us  that  a  Sacramento  carica- 
turist has  not  only  deprived  our  worthy  Senator  of  im 
mortality  but  turned  him  into  ridicule,  our  grief  knows 
no  bounds,  for  we  are  undone. 

It  is  in  justice  due  to  our  Senator  and  his  suffering  con 
stituency  that  you  insert  these  few  lines  in  your  paper,  for 
which  you  will  receive  our  heartfelt  thanks. 

Robert  Guhther. 

HoUieter,  Feb.  17,  1S8S, 

It  seems,  in  the  newspapers  at  least,  that  some  of  the 
Bunkers  have  got  into  trouble  with  the  immigration 
money  in  San  Francisco.  Please  ink-black  enough  of 
your  space  to  inform  the  public  that  it  is  none  of  our 
tribe.  When  we  steal  we  steal;  we  do  not  embezzle, 
Thanks.  Km  Bunker. 

P.  S.     This  immediate  range  of  country  is  great  in  its 

hay  crops,  but  if  the  weather  continues  this  cold  and  dry 

racket  much  longer  we  will   be  short  of  hay-hunks  next 

fall. 

The  weather  is  cold, 

The  weather  is  dry— 

And  I  'spose  its  no  odds 

To  any  editor  in  S.  J?. 

But- -so  am  I. 

Which  is  poetry.    Thanks  again.  H.-B. 

Redwoods,  BumboW  Co.,  CaL,  Feb.  SO,  1888, 
Phase  say,  in  your  conspicuous  journal,  in  justice  to 
the  State  of  Maine,  that  the  defaulting  Bunker  is  hot 
from  Kennebunk.  The  Kennebunkers  are  another  fam- 
ily of  Bunkers.  "Let  each  tub  stand  on  its  own  bot- 
tom." We  do  not  bunk  with  the  other  Bunkers.  Re- 
spectfully.   Kennebunk. 


In  the  studio  of  a  successful  artist  : 

Visitor,  observing  a  picture  framed  and  turned  against 
thewall  -"Ha!  what's  that  ?  Something  I  haven't  seen 
yet." 

Artist  "  *  Hi.  thai  /  never  mind  that.  It's  a  daub- one 
of  those  things  that  a  fellow  presents  to  his  native  town, 
you  know  !  " 


12 


THE       WASP- 


MORTUARY     ADVERTISEMENTS. 


The  art  of  advertising  in  death  notices  and  on 
tombstones  is  in  a  backward  state  among  us.  The 
practice  is  universal,  but  it  is  done,  in  most  ceses, 
with  so  little  artistic  effect  as  to  be  rather  disagree- 
able, and  the  result  is  so  unsatisfactory  as  to  make 
even  the  mourners  unhappy.  This  is  because  the 
head  of  the  family  does  not  attend  to  the  matter 
himself,  but  leaves  it  to  the  undertaker's  clerk, 
who  is  usually  no  scholar.  We  beg  leave  there- 
fore to  submit  a  few  model  obituary  notices  and 
epitaphs  by  one  who  has  made  advertising  the 
study  of  his  life,  and  to  whose  sparkling  pen  our 
readers  are  indebted  for  those  charming  "  reading 
notices  "  in  which  this  journal  loves  to  set  forth 
the  merits  of  patent  medicines,  baking-powders, 
dogs  for  sale,  sewing  machines  and  many  other  of 
the  rare  and  beautiful  things  that  make  life  worth 
living  : 

Died. 

In  this  city,  February  13,  James  Jacob  Nash, 
aged  52  years,  seven  months,  three  days  and  an- 
hour-and-a-half.  Mr.  Nash  was  a  devoted  hus- 
band and  father  and  had  built  up  the  largest  lard- 
rendering  business  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  He  was 
personally  known  and  respected  by  every  fat  hog 
in  San  Francisco.  Forty  carriages  have  been 
engaged  at  two  dollars  and  a  half  to  follow 
his  lamented  remains  to  the  grave  —  over 
which  it  is  the  intention  of  the  family  to  erect 
a  monument  that  will  beat  anything  in  Laurel 
Hill  Cemetery. 


In  Oakland,  February  20,  Margaret,  beloved 
wife  of  Henry  K.  Matthews  Diver.  The  deceased 
was  the  best  dressed  woman  in  California,  and 
wore  in  her  coffin — a  magnificent  rosewood,  cost- 
ing one  hundred  dollars  without  the  plate  and 
handles — diamonds  valued  at  eight  thousand  dol- 
lars !  The  remain  was  on  exhibition  at  its  late 
i-esidence  all  one  day  and  looked  so  well  that  all 
its  female  friends  were  perfectly  paralyzed.  It 
was  admitted  on  all  hands  that  no  such  stylish 
mortal  part  had  ever  been  displayed  on  the  Pacific 
Coast.  N.  B.  The  diamonds  for  sale  cheap.  They 
are  genuine,  imported  directly  from  the  mines  at 
Heirloom. 

In  this  city,  February  22,  Ethel,  idolized  daugh- 
ter of  John  and  Elizabeth  Brown,  aged  sixteen. 
Mr.  Brown  has  served  two  terms  in  the  State 
Legislature  and  is  a  deserving  applicant  for  the 
position  of  Harbor  Commissioner.  He  is  strongly 
opposed  to  monopoly  in  all  its  forms.  Of  such  is 
the  Kingdom  of  Heaven. 


In  San  Jose,  February  21,  James  Napoleon 
Buonaparte  Peter-the-Great  Hanks,  aged  fifteen 
minutes,  dearly  beloved  son  of  Lieutenant-Colonel 
and  Mrs.  Lieu  tenant- Colonel  Q.  K.  Hanks,  of  the 
National  Guard  of  California.  The  great-grand- 
father of  the  deceased  was  one  of  the  most  illus- 
trious citizens  of  Albany,  New  York,  where  he 
was  three  times  a  candidate  for  Alderman.  It 
was  he  who  invented  the  monkey-wrench.  The 
family  is  believed  to  be  the  oldest  in  America, 
and  has  for  its  crest  a  mastodon  swallowing  a  meg- 
atherium. The  friends  of  the  deceased  are  cor- 
dially invited  to  attend  his  funeral  from  his  late 
residence.  The  new  family  carriage  will  be  in  the 
procession,  immediately  in  rear  of  the  two  hearses. 
Asleep  in  Jesus. 


Epitaphs. 
Step  lightly,  stranger,  o'er  the  bones 
Of  Samuel  McHenry  Jones. 
He  died  and  all  who  knew  him  said  : 
'*  0  would  to  God  we'd  died  instead !  ' 
His  spirit  heard  the  murmurs  sad, 
And  said  :  "  O  would  to  God  you  had  !  " 
The  widow  was  the  only  one 
Who  sighed,  resigned  :  "Thy  will  be  done  ! 
She  lives,  still  pious  and  discreet, 
At  09  Pacific  street. 


Sacred  to  the   Memory  of 
Jonas   Peto. 
Born  of  a  noble  mother,  July  2,  183G  :     Died  of 
a  boil  on  the  back  of  his  neck,  August  30,  1882. 
In  my  line  I  was  the  boss 
Brick-maker.     Earth  wails  my  loss  ! 
I  was  aged  forty-six 


And  I  made  the  daisy  bricks. 
Other  makers  they  opine 
They  could  make  as  good  as  mine — 
Quite  as  good  in  every  way — 

"  If  they  only  had  my  clay. 
Nay,  good  friends,  respect  you  must 
My  tear- saturated  dust, 
And  my  widow  still  will  make 
Better  bricks  than  you  can  bake: 
Mrs.  Mary  Ellen  Peto, 
Three  miles  north  of  Saucelito. 

Here  lies  all  that  is  mortal  of 


Jabez  Grimes; 

Born  poor  1837  :     Died  rich  1883. 

This  Magnificent  and  Costly 

Monument 

Is  Erected  to  his   Ever-blessed  and  Imperishable 

Memory  by 

The  Grateful  Destitute. 


Sleeping  here  beneath  the  sod 

Till  her  resurrection, 
Frances  Studebaker-Todd 
Waits  her  turn  to  go  to  God 

If  there's  no  objection. 

She  was  fair  and  she  was  tall, 

Full  of  pious  fancies, 
Never  deaf  to  Duty's  call — 
And  her  family  are  all 

Just  as  nice  as  Frances. 

WATCH   THEM. 

By  their  own  communications  and  "open  let- 
ters." and  through  their  paid  attorneys,  kept 
editors  and  retained  legislators,  Messrs.  Stanford, 
Crocker  and  Huntington  have  proved  that  they 
built  their  railroads  without  material  assistance 
from  the  Government ;  and  that,  altogether,  the 
enterprise  has  been  a  losing  speculation.  As  they 
had  but  about  twenty  thousand  dollars  among  them 
when  they  went  into  this  thing,  it  is  a  just  and  in- 
evitable inference  that  they  are  now  very  poor  in- 
deed. It  is  a  simple  duty,  therefore,  to  warn  the 
public  that  these  gentlemen  appear  to  be  living  be- 
bond  their  means.  Their  temptations  and  oppor- 
tunities must  be  very  great.  It  is  greatly  to  be 
feared  that  in  some  moment  of  weakness  they  may 
succumb  to  the  pangs  of  hunger  and  do  something 
that  the  law  will  condemn.  Human  nature  is 
fallible ;  even  the  stern  integrity  of  Charles 
Crocker  might  give  way  if  Freddie  and  Georgie 
were  crying  for  shoes.  And  if  Master  Stanford 
should  exalt  his  thin  voice  in  a  demand  for  ice- 
cream, the  great  ex-Governor  might  have  the  in- 
discretion to  take  a  liberty  with  somebody's  red- 
hot  stove. 

One  ought  always  to  rejoice  at  seeing  a  good 
thing  in  print.  It  is  as  ill-natured  to  resent  the 
age  of  a  funny  paragraph  as  to  question  the  good 
faith  of  the  friend  who  lends  one  ten  dollars.  But 
ever  since  Aspasia  ruled  social  Athens  with  a  golden 
wand  some  form  of  the  following  story  has  been 
causing  smiles  and  heart-ache  amidst  that  minority 
of  society  in  any  age  which  knows  a  witticism 
when  it  sees  one.  And,  as  recently  applied  to 
Washington  society,  it  does  look  rather  white 
around  the  lips  and  leathery  about  the  chops  and 
blue  under  the  eyes ;  even  if  it  come  up  smiling 
in  this  guise  : 

A  woman,  recently  dead,  was  the  scourge  of  the  Wash- 
ington snobocracy.  One  of  the  leaders  of  ton  here  was 
the  daughter  of  a  French  cook,  but,  having  worked  her 
way  successfully  to  the  top  round  of  the  social  ladder,  was 
of  course  rabidly  aristocratic  and  violently  abusive.  Talk- 
ing to  the  snob-scourge  one  day,  this  lady  forgot  the  la- 
mented chef  de  cuisine,  her  father,  and  complained  feel- 
ingly of  the  mixture  of  classes  in  society,  against  which 
she  said  "  a  line  must  be  drawn  somewhere."  "Would 
you  make  it  a  sir-line  or  a  tender-line?"  sweetly  inquired 
the  snob-scourge.  History;  does  not  record  the  answer 
made  to  this  heartless  allusion. 

Fortunately  for  San  Francisco,  its  butchers  have 
always  been  worthy  men,  so  intent  upon  serving 
an  oft-time  unappreciative  patronage  that  leisure 
to  acquire  wealth,  and  achieve  snobbery,  has  been 
denied  them. 


The  present  Board  of  Trustees  of  the  Home  for 
the  Inebriates  are  extremely  loth  to  go  out  of  of- 
fice, and  have  been  making  a  great  fight  about  it 
with  the  Trustees-elect.  Since  the  latter  are  sure 
to  win  the  day  before  long,  however,  theformerhave 


executed  a  brilliant  flank  movement  on  their  suc- 
cessors-to-be by  declaring  that  the  Home  no  longer 
needs  the  subsidy  of  $800  per  month  hitherto 
granted  it  by  the  Police  Court,  which  consequently 
has  been  withdrawn.  Before  this  unutterably 
mean  manoeuvre  the  Trustees-elect  stand  "mute, 
motionless,  aghast."  They  will  get  the  pudding, 
but  with  its  single  plum  plucked  out.  It  is 
true  that  the  officers  of  the  Home  are  popularly 
supposed  to  serve  rather  as  philanthropists  than 
for  the  sake  of  personal  gain,  but  then  that 
surplus  of  $800  a  month  was  so  encouraging  to  the 
humanitarian  !  With  that,  the  inmates  of  the 
Home  appeared  as  a  number  of  unfortunate 
gentlemen  who  could  be  cured  and  restored  to  the 
bosoms  of  their  families  by  kind  and  judicious  at- 
tention. Without  it,  they  are  merely  a  batch  of 
vicious  and  incurable  old  drunks. 


The  usual  reader  likes  to  get  hold  of  "  a  marked 
copy. "  We  use  "  get  hold  "  because  it  is  a  fine  gen- 
eric term,  meaning  just  what  it  implies.  The  usual 
reader  does  not  read.  But  he  likes  to  play  at  read- 
ing. Better  still,  he  likes  to  play  at  thinking.  So 
to  him  the  "  marked  copy  "  is  a  boon.  If  text  or 
comment  be  puerile,  he  smiles  superior ;  if  sug- 
gestive, he  ponders  ;  if  deadly  commonplace,  he 
recognizes  his  own  thought.  The  commentator 
whom  we  most  admire  is  a  commentatrix.  She 
haunts  the  Mercantile  Library ;  and  her  mean- 
dering Trojan  pencilings  may  be  traced  whenever 
a  new  book  returns  having  meadow  enough  of  mar- 
gin to  invite  artistic  defacement.  Unfortunately, 
Shakspeare,  the  Bible,  the  dictionaries  and  good 
literature  generally,  have  so  far  escaped  her  desire- 
ful  pencil.  Recently,  Mr.  Howells  Aldrich,  Mr. 
James  Howells  and  Mr.  Aldrich  James  have  re- 
ceived most  of  her  attention  ;  but  there  is  some 
hope  that  she  may  take  to  haunting  the  reading 
rooms,  and  to  reading  the  Overland. 


Supervisor  Reichenbach,  Chairman  of  the  Hos- 
pital Committee,  finds  that  the  officers  of  the  Hos- 
pitals and  Almshouse  have  been  distending  their 
skins  with  all  sorts  of  kinds  of  costly  comestibles  at 
the  public  expense,  and  threatens  to  make  them 
disgorge.  Mr.  Reichenbach  ought  not  to  go  snout- 
ing into  other  people's  secrets  in  that  uncivil  way. 
He  should  remember  the  Arabian  story  of  the 
porter  who  before  being  entertained  by  Zobeide  and 
her  sisters  swore  to  ask  no  questions  concerning 
anything  he  saw  occurring  in  their  house,  but 
broke  his  word.     Are  porters  <<U  that  way  ? 


San  Francisco  has  never  at  any  one  time  before 
had  such  reason  to  merry  make  :  a  water  famine, 
a  Legislature  in  session  and  not  money  enough  in 
the  treasury  to  pay  the  bob-tail  brigade  the  face 
of  its  monthly  warrants.  That  is  why  we  played 
at  Mardi  Gras  last  Thursday  night— in  order  more 
satisfactorily  to  emphasize  our  appreciation  of  the 
unfortunate  young  gentleman  who  was  born  on 
that  day  of  the  month. 


There  is  now  before  Congress  a  cruel  and  ap- 
parently malicious  bill  designed  in  the  interest  of 
those  common  people  who  vote,  pay  taxes  and 
make  office-holding  possible,  and  directed  against 
that  large,  ill-paid  and  ill-appreciated  class — the 
Civil  Service.  By  the  terms  of  the  bill,  Depart- 
ment clerks  in  and  nut  of  Washington  will  be 
obliged  to  drudge  a  minimum  of  eight  hours, 
while  now  "they  toil  a  maximum  of  seven.  These 
clerks  are  naturally  and  properly  indignant.  It 
remains  to  be  seen  whether  office-holders  have  any 
rights  which  law-makers  are  bound  to  respect. 


The  Stockton  Herald  says  of  a  prominent 
San  Franciscan  :  "  Wheeler,  the  interesting  person 
who  about  two  years  ago  choked  his  sister-in-law 
to  death  because  he  suspected  that  she  was  com- 
mitting adultery  with  somebody  besides  himself, 
and  who  is  to  be  hanged  in  San  Francisco  for  giving 
her  that  proof  of  his  devoted  love,  will  now  get 
more  flowers  from  tender-hearted  females  who  de- 
light to  shower  tears  and  sweet  vegetables  upon 
murderers.  His  wife  died  in  the  East  the  other 
day.  The  wife  to  whom  this  ruffian  was  unutter- 
ably false  and  the  sister-in-law  whom  he  debauched 
are  both  dead,  but  his  neck  still  remains  unbroken. 
This  state  of  things  does  not  tend  to  increase 
proper  respect  for  the  machinery  of  the  law."1 

A  curious  result  of  the  water  famine  has  been 
an  immediate  rise  in  the  price  of  milk. 


THE     WASP. 


13 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


<  Contrasted  with  the  farrago  of  dramatized  variety  -busi- 

dots  and  variegated  drama  which  U  it-  idiotic  poll  at 

the  different  theaters,  the  Madison  Squan    troupe  at  the 
Baldwin  have  it  all  their  own  way. 

Young  Mrs.  Winihrop  has  steadily  gained  in  attendance, 
while  the  rest  of  the  amusements  have  been  justlj  neg- 
lected. No  matter  what  may  be  said  against  the  public 
taste,  or  bow  many  arguments  may  be  advanced  to  prove 
our  theater-goers  capricious,  there  is  not  ;i  better  proof  of 
the  sound  judgment  and  just  discrimination  of  our  amuse- 
ment-seekers  than  the  great  Buccess  of  Bronson  How- 
ard's play.     Much  as  has  been  already  said  about  Young 

Mrs,   Wintkrop  ami  its    merits,  it    may  y._-t  he  in  place  t<> 

apeak  ••(  one  particular  character  in  that  ('lay  which  i-  bo 
thoroughly  original  a,nclao  happily  conceived  that  it  seems 
sufficient  to  have  made  the  play  successful  if  it  were  des- 
titute of  any  other  attraction.  Tt  is  that  of  the  Mind 
girl,  "  Edith  Chapin."  To  deal  with  an  infirmity  so  pit- 
iful as  the  lows  of  the  most  precious  senee,  that  of  sight, 
without  making  a  very  painful  impression,  requires  cer- 
tainly the  highest  dramatic  skill.  But  the  author  of 
Young  Mrs,  II  inthrop  succeeds  even  better  than  that.  He 
manages  to  convey  a  degree  of  simplicity  and  unaffected 
naiveli  by  means  of  that  character  which,  but  for  her  af- 
fliction, would  be  impossible.  The  young  girl  lives  in  a 
world  of  her  own  imagining.  She  is  spared  many  of  the 
vexations  of  on  existence  Messed  with  good  eyesight,  and 
being  surrounded  by  companionable,  sympathetic  andhigh- 
ly  considerate  people  is  perfectly  happy  in  her  blindness. 
Gradually  the  strong  emotion  of  true  love  dawns  uron  her, 
and  the  smooth  current  of  her  existence  flows  a  trifle 
quicker  but  never  disturbs  that  wonderful  equanimity 
of  disposition  and  sweetness  of  character.  She  is  child- 
ish in  her  great  passion  as  she  is  in  everything  else  ;  but 
she  is  charmingly  [jure  and  lovable  throughout,  with  noth- 
ing to  excite  great  pity  for  her  ;  and  yet  she  could  not  be 
thought  of  without  being  affectionately  remembered.  Her 
very  blindness  is  an  additional  charm,  and  she  moves  in 
the  scenes  of  that  domestic  drama  like  the  gentle  fanning 
breeze  among  the  waving  grain.  All  about  her  are  grief, 
excitement,  loud  misgivings  of  consciences  aroused  ;  she 
alone  is  calm,  soothing,  peaceful  and  serene.  Happy  in 
her  own  simple  fancy;  spared  the  sight  of  misery  and 
shielded  from  contact  with  misfortune  by  considerate 
friends,  she  is  the  best  embodimont  of  a  truly  idyllic 
character  upon  the  stage.  The  performance  of  that  part 
is  one  of  the  best  of  that  generally  excellent  cast  and 
seems  to  have  the  largest  share  of  public  favor. 

Mr.  Link,  the  comedian  at  the  German  theater,  is  a 
valuable  addition  to  its  personnel.  The  somewhat  stale 
humor  of  One  of  Our  People  became  bright  and  fresh  in 
his  hands.  He  Wants  to  Perpetrate  a  Joke  I  is  the  title  of 
one  of  Nestroy's  best  farces,  and  the  attraction  for  next 
Sunday  evening. 

The  subscription  list  for  the  Theodore  Thomas  Phil- 
harmonic Concerts  is  open  at  Mr.  Gray's  music  store,  and 
to  judge  by  the  number  who  have  already  subscribed  the 
season  will  be  successful.. 

Mr.  Grover's  City  at  the  California  Theater  lacks  the 
elements  of  success.  It  is  neither  sufficiently  funny  nor 
sufficiently  sensational,  and  the  story  is  so  badly  told  that 
it  is  almost  incomprehensible.  It  seems  as  if  the  Califor- 
nia Theater  were  doomed. 


SPRING    1883. 


As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  <  )regen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine :  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 

What  gives  a  healthy  appetite,  an  increased  digestion, 
strength  to  the  muscles,  and  tone  to  the  nerves  '!  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters. 

X%'  Twenty-four  beautiful  colors  of  the  Diamond  Dyes, 
for  Silk,  Wool,  Cotton,  &c  ,  10  cts.  A  child  can  use  with 
perfect  success. 

*#*  "  One  man's  meat  is  another  man's  poison.'1  Kid- 
ney-Wort expels  the  poisonous  humors.  The  first  thirg 
to  do  in  the  spring  is  to  clean  house.  Por  internal  cleans- 
ing and  renovating,  no  other  medicine  is  equal  to  Kid- 
ney-Wort. In  either  dry  or  liquid  form  it  cures  head- 
ache, bilious  attacks,  constipation  and  deranged  kidneys. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  0.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


i:i:.Mm\  \i.. 

The  old  and  well  known  bouse  of  J.  \\ 
o  thecornerof   Kean 
"lendsand  the  public  will  pi 


Aslc  for     Brooks     machim       tton      Bxperii 
peratora  on   all  sewing  machines  recommend  il      ■ 
■  ini-l,  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  Mack.     "  M 
»  "tton     printed  on  the  cover  of  even  box.     Foi 
all  dealers. 


LYDIA  E3   PINKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

A  Snre  Cnre  for  all  FEMALE  WEAK- 
NESSES,   Including  Ecncorrliam,    Ir- 
regular anil  Painful  Menstruation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb,    Flooding,  PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  &C. 
t3TPIeasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  immediate- 
in  its  effect.    Itisafjreathelpin  pregnancy,  and   re- 
lieves pain  during  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
PirvsiCUXS  USE  IT  AXD  PRESCRIBE  IT  FREELY. 
£F~Fob  all  Weaknesses  of  the  generative  organs 
of  either  sex,  it  Is  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  ever 
been  before  the  public ;  and  for  all  diseases  of  tho 
Kidsets  it  Is  the  Greatest  Remedy  in  the  World. 

C35~KIDNEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LTDIA  E.  PINKHAM'S  BLOOD  PURrFTER 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  from  the 
Blood,  at  the  same  time  "-ill  (rive  tone  and  -tr<Mit-t)i  t  . 
the  system.    Asmarvellouain  results  as  the  Compound. 

tsTBoth  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  ore  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  W.estcm  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass. 
Price  of  either,  81.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  The  Compound 
is  sent  by  mail  in  tho  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  fil  per  box  for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3  cent 
stamp.    Sendforpomphlet,    Mention  this  Paper. 

EsTLydia  E,  Ptvkhasi's  Liteb  Pills  euro  Constipa- 
tion, Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  liver.    26  cents. 
,03=Sold  by  all  Druggists.-^        (:>) 


KIDNEY- WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  bade  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  arc  a  victim  ?  THEN  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney-Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
■  _j:-g  For  complaints  peculiar 
Ld  U I  v9  a  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

EitherSex.  Incontinence, retention  ofurine, 
brick  dustor  ropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  ite  curativo  power. 
±3-    SOLD  BT  ALL  DB.TJGG-ISTS.    Price  81. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


S3T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physiol  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  tlie  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 

Price,  $=.50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 

To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.  D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 
TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 

Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  k-tter,  statinp  his  symp- 
toms and  age.  Communications  stnetly 
confidential. 


PHILADELPHI  \    BREWERY. 
The  Phi 
&4,188  barreli  ol  beei 

in  tlii*  city.    [See  Official  Report, 

I  .  s.  Int. -ni. il  r  I  ii.-  beer  from 

i   i  v  ha  1  a  Pi  .      i  by  any 

other  I'M  the  1 

itft  "ii  having  the  genuine 

B  :      ■.    |  .  .     ;  ■ 

cal  Co.,  ari'l  take  nothing  el«e. 

■  without  the  celt  brated  Wh 
■..  beat  and  by  I 
! '  ing  well 

i  ■■.  I  I  .  !       ■ 

122  Pini  Gold  I  "  I ' 

Lebenbaum,  Go  <  !afifornu  and   Pollt 

'  G.  Neu- 

mann, 1  rrand  v  Sixth  rtri  et,  V  I.  I 

1  '<■..  cornei  '  [rot  e  am     I  treets,  Reddaii  «V  I  relay, 

comer  Si  | : 

2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Marki  I 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  l  D 

Lazalere  A  u  tthram,  conn  rD 

*  llntli  Lydia  B.  Pinkham'c  ind  and 

t'-l I    Purifier  are  prepared  at  333 and  235  Western  A.v- 

■  nm  .  I ,-.  ',1.     y  ■  !  ■         ol    cither,  $L     Six  bottle    foi 

85.    Sent  by  mail  in  the  form  of  pill  ng<  >.  on 

receipt  of  price,  -l  per  box  for  either.  Mrs,  Piokbatu 
freely  answei  -  .ill  Letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3c.  stamp 
Send  for  pamphlet.     Mention  this  paper. 


Cough,  Loss  »r  Voice.  lncii>li'iii  Consumption,  and  u 
Tliroiil    iimi    LOOS  Troubles 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFI/UKX/A,  COLD  IN  THE  HE  LD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required,  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK     FOE     THE 

California     Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    ,\o    oniric.       Price,   so    (ruts. 

J.R.GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists, Prop'rs. 
417  Bonsome  street,  cor.  Commercial,  8.  f. 

TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

/"»00  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
O  rsC'O  Francisco -Establlehed 
in  1851  for  the  treatment  and  cnre  of 
Special  DlBeaBes.  Lost  Manhuod,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cored.  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  iii'Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals i  here,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  Information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
^v  ^N^^^^^^^1^- "  'uafce  no  chBrge  unless  he  effects  ft 
cnre.'  Persons  at  a  distance  miiy  he  CURED  AT  HUME.  All 
commTinicat*onB  strict.lv  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Iran- 
Cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

—  OK  — 

Cubebs   and  Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 

preparation  hitherto  invented,  c 

/It;;  bining  in  a  veryhighly  concenl 
*/  state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubeba  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  l„-,th  pleasant  and  coi.venient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TAKIIAM   &   CO., 

Draerist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  Fob  Sale  Br  Am,  Druggists. 


14 


THE     WASP. 


IMPOUNDED    PUPS    OF    THOUGHT. 


A  young  lady  has  a  peculiar  mode  of  reckoning  time 
on  Sunday.  Last  Sunday  evening,  about  six  o'clock, 
when  asked  what  time  it  was,  she  replied  :  "Five  min- 
utes to  Smith." 

A  Philadelphia  man  who  wants  to  die,  but  doesn't 
want  to  disgrace  his  friends  by  committing  suicide,  has 
engaged  a  fifth-story  room  in  a  hotel,  and  is  awaiting  his 
fate. 

A  very  colored  man,  who  entered  a  complaint  against 
another  for  assaulting  and  battering  him  upon  the  head, 
was  told  by  the  Justice:  "I  don't  see  any  marks.' 
"  Does  ye  s'pose  he  hit  rne  wid  a  piece  of  chalk  ?"  was  the 
indignant  rejoinder.     The  case  proceeded. 

China  and  Japan  buy  our  dried  apples  freely.  Thus 
does  American  industry  help  to  swell  the  population  of 
the  Orient. 

Wife — Can't  you  take  me  to  the  Blank  Restaurant  some 
evening,  my  dear?  Husband— No,  darling  ;  it  is  disrepu- 
table. Wife — Then,  dear,  why  do  you  bring  home  its 
marked  napkins  in  your  pockets  ? 

"Be  silent,  and  safe  ;  silence  never  betrays  you."  And 
yet  it  also  has  been  said  :     "  'Tis  dangerous  to  be  safe." 

At  no  other  time  in  life  is  a  man  so  completely  upset  by 
a  threat  as  at  the  tender  age  of  four,  when  his  mother 
tells  him  she  is  going  to  cast  aside  his  first  trousers  and 
put  him  back  in  frocks. 

Anent  Niagara :  Every  spot  from  which  one  can  see 
the  falls  has  been  boarded  in  with  a  high  fence,  and  it 
costs  fifty  cents  a  glimpse  and  a  dollar,  for  a  lingering 
look.  They  will  charge  the  same  per  minute  for  hearing 
its  roar,  as  soon  as  some  one  invents  a  method  of  bottling 
it  up. 

"After  the  battle  of  arms  comes  the  battle  of  history."' 
And  then  begins  the  battle  of  the  liars. 

An  Ohio  editor,  who  is  down  among  the  orange  groves 
of  Floi'ida,  describing  his  visit  to  one  of  them,  says  that 
"appetite  seems  to  feed  upon  inexhaustible  supplies,  and 
the  sweet  succulence  of  the  golden  bulbs  spurted  in  shin- 
ing sprays  from  pressing  lips  pouting  with  pulpy  fra- 
grance." Florida  whisky,  it  seems,  acts  upon  the  human 
system  about  the  same  as  opium.  The  Ohio  man  should 
swear  off  before  it  is  everlastingly  too  late. 

They  are  now  telling  a  story  about  a  Chicago  girl  who 
insisted  on  throwing  her  shoe  after  a  newly-married 
couple.  The  carriage  is  a  total  wreck,  a  doctor  has  the 
bride  and  horse  under  treatment,  and  large  numbers  of 
men  are  searching  the  ruins  for  the  groom. 


At  this  year's  New  York  Leiderkranz  a  number 
of  society  women  were  on  the  floor  in  masks  and 
dominoes.  A  few  were  recognized  but  most  were 
sufficiently  discreet  to  reach  home  before  the  post- 
man made  his  first  round.     The  Sun  says  : 

"  The  result  might  have  been  seen  any  day  this  week  in 
the  numbers  of  verdant  youths  who  have  haunted  the 
picture  galleries,  stood  idly  at  the  corners  of  streets  or 
walked  rapidly  up  and  down  the  broad  walks  of  squares 
and  parks,  twirling  carelessly  a  bit  of  black,  cardinal  or 
terra  cotta  ribbon  on  their  finger  ends,  and  looking  ear- 
nestly for  the  one  who  did  not  come.  The  name  of  the 
fleet-footed  damsel  who  bewitched,  beguiled  and  tormented 
a  respectable  elderly  gentleman,  well  known  as  a  writer 
of  society  verses,  until  he  offered  her  a  hundred-dollar 
bill  to  unmask,  has  not  been  divulged,  although  it  is 
known  to  one  or  two.  That  she  took  the  note  and  then 
fled  with  such  adroitnes  and  swiftness  as  completely  to 
distance  her  less  active  admirer  is  at  least  to  the  credit  of 
her  heels. " 


"  Willyim,  my  son,"  says  an  economical  mother  to  her 
son,  "for  mercy's  sake  don't  keep  on  tramping  up  and 
down  the  floor  in  that  manner— you'll  wear  out  your  new 
boots.  (He  sits  down.)  There  you  go— sitting  down  ! 
Now,  you'll  wear  out  your  new  trousers  !  I  declare,  I 
never  saw  such  a  boy  !  " 


O  he  was  a  pup  of  the  homeliest  mein  ; 

Kiy! 
The  homeliest  puppy  that  ever  was  seen  ; 

Kiy! 
One  eye  it  was  red  and  the  other  was  green, 
And  his  tail  he  had  lost  in  a  sausage  machine  ; 
Oh,  my  ? 

Kiy! 


PEHWYROYflL  PlLLS^&gcTiS 

I    ■Jiuiw.iiiiiM-fmJJjaji^.-lMll,,;)l„rfiri„„-,;;l-. 
Tlie  Cascara  Mfg  Co.  2313  Madison  Square,  Phila,  Pa 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


'This  Engraving  represents  the  Lungs  in  a  healthy  Btatc. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 
Coadis,  Colds, 
Croup. 

And  Other  Throat  ami    Lint™ 
Affections. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  Btreet,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbeling  Eeob Proprietors  and  Manager* 

Third  week  and  unbounded  success  of  Offenbach's 
charming  Comic  Opera,  in  four  acts, 

THE     BRIDGE     OF     SIGHS  I 

Monday,  Feb.  26.—  LINDA  DI  CHAMOUNIX. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUSTAVE  FROHMAN Lessee 

Unprecedented  success  of  the  greatest  of  American 
sensational  Society  Plays, 

YOUNG    MRS.    WINTHROPI 

By  the  entire 

MADISON  SQUARE  THEATER  CO'Y. 

EVERY  EVENING  (except  Sunday)  AND  AT  THE 
SATURDAY    MATINEE. 

German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,    -     -    -    FEBRUARY  25th, 

Continued  success  of 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it    lias  No  Equal. 

FOB  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUUHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &   CO., 


The  celebrated  comedian  will  appear  as  "Christo- 

phel  "  in  Nestroy's  funny  burlesque, 

with  songs, 

i;iM\     TI  V     WILL     Elt     >l<  II     MACIIEN  ! 

Sunday,  March  4th.— LINK. 


Cures  all  pains:  nice  to _ y s e : 

RHODES  .V  CO.,  Druggists,  San  Jose,  California. 


THE  PACIFIC  MUTUAL  LIFE  INSURANCE  COMPANY  OF  CALIFORNIA, 

418  California  Street,  San  Francisco,  Oal. 


DIRECTORS: 

ROBERT    SHERWOOD Capitalist 

GEORGE  W.    BEAVE II Capitalist 

L.   S.    ADAMS Adams,  McNeill  &  Co.,  wholesale  grocers 

COLUMBUS  WATERHOUSE Waterhouse  &  Lester,  importers  and  jobbers  in  carriage  and  wagon  materials 

W.    T.    GARRATT Brass  and  bell  foundry  and  machine  works 

W.    R.   CLUNESS Physician 

SAMUEL  LAVENSON Locke  &  Lavenson,  carpet  dealers 

GEORGE  A.   MOORE President  of  the  Company 

J.   F.    HOUGHTON President  Home  Mutual  Fire  Insurance  Co 

HUGH   M.   LARUE President  State  Agricultural  Society 

EDWARD  CADWALADER Insurance  and  real  estate 

D.   W.   EARL D.  W.  Earl  &  Co.,  forwarding  and  commission  merchants 

CHARLES  N.  FOX Attorney-at-law 

B.   F.    LANGFORD Farmer,  San  Joaquin  County 

JAMES  CAROLAN Carolan,  Corey  &  Co.,  hardware 

A     SOUND     AND     PROGRESSIVE     HOME     INSTITUTION. 


Cynical  Spanish  proverb,  that,  after  all,  may  not  be 
without  some  justice  : 
"  A  woman's  tears  cost  little  but  bring  her  much  !  " 


The  Annual  Statement  of  the  Company,  of  date  December  31,  1SS2,  shows  the  following,  viz.  : 
All   Increase  in   Policy  Holders, 

Ah   Increase  in    Amount   of  Insurance, 

Ait   Increase   in   Assets, 

An  Increase  in  Surplus. 

The   Policies  of  this  Company  Impose 

No  Restriction   Unou  Residence  or  Travel,  are   E\ pt  from   Execution   ami    the  Claims  of  Creditors, 

and   arc  Indisputable  After  Three  Years. 

For  the  small  annual  premium  of  §38.16  a  man,  at  30  years  of  age,  can  secure  from  the  Pacific  Mutual  Life  In- 
surance Company  an  endowment  of  §1,000,  payable  to  himself  when  he  becomes  55  years  of  age,  or  payable  in  case  of 
previous  death,  to  his  wife  and  children.  Dividends  accrue  upon  second  and  all  subsequent  pre-uium  payments,  and 
if  not  taken  to  reduce  premiums  will  add  largely  to  the  amount  of  endowment.  Equally  favorable  terms  are  offered 
for  older  or  younger  ages,  and  for  larger  amounts.  If  desired,  endowments  may  be  made  payable  in  ten,  fifteen,  or 
twenty  years. 
i;i  in  ,n;i  i:.  thi:  endowment  nil  nil  u  carries  hie  liee  insurance  without  anditional  cost. 

And,  in  case  of  death,  the  full  amount  of  policy  is  payable  without  expense  or  delay  to  the  beneficiary  named  in  the 
policy. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


OLIVE     BUTTER 

An    Absolutely    Pure    Vegetable    Oil. 


M  A  X  0  F  A  C  T  I     R   E  D        B  V 


WASHINGTON   BUTCHER'S  SONS,   PHILADELPHIA. 

For  Cooking  Purposes  is  better  than  Lard.        Fully  equal  to   Butter,  and  at   much  less  cost   than  either. 
ONE  POUND  OF  OLIVE    BUTTER  WILL  DO  THE  WORK  OF  TWO  POINDS  OF  LARD, 

1  >L1VE    BITTER    means  health,  economy  and  cleanliness  ;    absolute  freedom  from  all  adulterations  of  any  kind 

We  present  OLIVE  BUTTER  to  the  public  with  the  conviction  that  it  will  permanently  take  the  place  of  Lard  and  Butler  for  culinary  imrnoses  It 
needs  but  a  single  trial  to  demonstate  its  great  value  and  merits  ;    and  we  guarantee  it  for  the  following  qualities,  viz  : 

It  is  a  pure  vegetable  product,  free  from  adulterations  and  is  much  more  nutritious  than  lard  or  butter.  It  remains  perfectly  sweet  in  every  climate 
and  is  unaffected  by  age  ;  hence  it  never  becomes  rancid.  It  is  much  cheaper  than  lard  or  butter  and  requires  but  half  the  quantity  t..  attain  the  same 
results  m  cooking.  Articles  of  food  cooked  with  it  retain  their  natural  flavor;  no  greasy  taste  is  imparted,  the  oil  not  being  »<■  readily  absorbed  as  ordinary 
lard  or  butter,  because  it  is  a  vegetable  product.  •* 

The  fact  that  we  are  and  have  been  for  many  years  manufacturers  and  refiners  of  lard— our  trade  amounting  to  millions  of  pounds  annually— and  now 
otter  to  the  public  this  vegetable  oil  of  our  own  manufacture,  for  culinary  purposes  in  lieu  of  laid  or  butter,  is  of  itself  a  sufficient  guarantee. 

Our  Trade  Mark  is  secured  by  letters  patent,  registered  at  the  Patent  Office  in  Washington,  D.  C. 


DIRECTIONS: 

Uae  in  the  same  manner  for  cooking  as  you  would  lard  or  butter,  only  use  half  the  quantity  for  the  same  purposes.      I'm  up  in  60-pound  cases  of  3    5 
and  10  pound  cans.     For  sale  by  all  grocers. 

W.  J.  HOUSTON  &  Co.,  Sole  Agents, 

No.       37       Market       Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


220 
222 


AKE    HOME    BEAOTIFOL! 


House    Decorating  Dons  in  tho   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  t-tock  of  Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  Street- 

WINDOW  ISHAOES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok    COLOR. 


22' 
226 


The    Largest    Stocls— The    Latest    Styles, 

CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE   PURCHASING-! 


GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


"^OTURING    CON*"^ 


CONSUMPTION 


I  have  a  positive  re. 
medy  fur  the  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Its  use  thoua- 
.  ..  _  ands  of  cases  of  the 
worst  kind  and  ol  longstanding  have  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
ia  my  faith  In  Its  efficacy,  that  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  mi  thin  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCUM,  181  Peurl  St.,  N.Y. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

8^-TRY  PFONDER'S 


$12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.    Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


<C79  A  WEEK 


AGENTS 


can  now  prasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
lit  worth  $10  free.  Address  E.  <J. 
RIDEOTJT  dt  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.7. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   RECULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Morris  &    Kennedy. 

1 9  and  2 i   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 

J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AOENTB    FOE.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworlh's  Centrifugal   Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 
No.  327  Market  Street, 

Comer  Fremont.  SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Ch/rle*  \v.  Fbkws  Vincent  A.  Touras 

TORRAS    &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  Jons  Wallace  &  Co. 

BOOK    AND    JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street, 

Below  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialty. 

DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome   Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.    Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


Sick    Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See    Local. 


S  . 


.  ■    -  ■  ,-■■    -  ■  -r 


: -  .     ■■    ■ 


LlljftKt  1   1  fc.5. 


fragrant  and  Sweet.' 


nnnnTmrtnrrr%.    Klrhnmnd.     *a. 


| ICOLL  II HE  TAILOR 

*"'        POPULAR    PRICES!  POPULAR   TAI~ 

LARGE    STOCK!  Men's  and  Boys' 


11 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


J     Ready-Made 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


NEW 

EN6LAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Caro.  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros.  £  Co. 

SAN   FRANCISCO 


Furnishing     Goods. 
Clothing.    B        And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


AN 
Extraordinary      Razor 

CTAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
*-*■  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  $3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  VVTII  V\  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
suppiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelouslv  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


DANICHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  1 19  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


OUKfcb  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup.  <  oughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  a  id  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidnevs  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  caune. 

BEI-OT.    413    BOMTCOMEIg    STREET.  For  ,ale  b,  ,.11  nrusal,,,. 


£3r  Ask    For 

ILLOWS 


B 


EER 


Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 

WILLOWS     BREWERY 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  10th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY. 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR   TO 

M  A  S  S  E  Y     4     YUNG, 
No.    651    BACKAHENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Francisco 


"JESSE   MOORE 


S  K   E  Y  .  " 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  C0.,< 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


Deweese,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 

C.  H.   Moore. 

O  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  B.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


Prentiss  Selby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Underhtll,  jR.,8ec'y. 


Selbv    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS  OF  

lead  Pine,  S  .eel  lead,  Snot,  Bar  lead.  Pis  lead.  Solder,  Antl-Frlction  Metal,  lead 
Sash  WetRlits,  lead  Traps,  Rlock  Tin.  Pipe,  Bine  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,   416    Montgomery   Street,      -  San    Francisco 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

WHITE     ROSE    FLOTJIR 
MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 
Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

,•:>,■*■  loeal  notice  In  another  column. 


B3f-OT>D       KEIfTTJOKTT       WHIiSEEy.-Sia 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPBECRELS    &    BRO'S, 
337     Market    Street, 

OWNERS  OF 

Spreckels'  Lin  e    of   Packets. 


Paekagcs  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


«@"CIMMO]\D'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 
In  the  World. 
ASK  YOTJK. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


"S--DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "®» 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 
"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

li ::     May    M '«■«•!, 
SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


ObJckerlng&  Sons, Boston  -,  Bluthner. Leipzig; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  <i.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrel!  St. 

NEAB  MARKET.  SaN  T "AX.TS^O. 
J.  J.  Palmer.  Valentine  Rev. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

IPT^TflSSIES 

And      Mater-al. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms.  405&407SaiisomeSt.s.F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

BTJOOE68DR8     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And    EMBALMERS. 

22  &.  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


DR  THOMAS  HALL'S 

mm 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A.delightful|  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
I  to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
I  equal ;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,    General    Debility    and 
kindred  diseases. 
This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;   it 
!  braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  mediecl  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  Ptpsin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

itaTFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughput  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES'dru^store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


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*£Sr  HARDWOOD   LUMBER .-^^S- SS^SESu  ^^ 


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CD 
CD 


•DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  goods  Hotise-132  Kearny 'St.,ag&l 


KOIILI.U  A  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bros  Piaaos 

Also  for  the 
C  l>4  III  i:  and  the  EllEKSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.      Largest  Fiano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  R.  Williar,  Jr.  A.  Carlisle. 

A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

San    Francisco 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  tanran  t, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OP    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  I  fp        -      -        $3,000,000 
Reserve  l .  S.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,ooo 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.   0.    Box,   1886. 
Address: 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whoopii  g  Coughs  and 
all  I  hroat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    RASSHER.    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   S  ONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,   Pans.  Etc., 

118    SUTTER    STREET, San  Francisco,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and  124  Sutler  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,    -conces,    Candlesticks    and 

Bouillotces. 

RARE     BRONZES.     .BISQUE     and      FAIENCE     WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS SI.S.IO.OOO 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S   W.  C&r.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN   FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
1).  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wm.  J.  DuTTON,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary 


C.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H    E.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE   AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Olark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Oapt  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ^^^sS^  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS-C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Prea. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baura,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  MeKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


S.  J.  PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Flue  Fans  and  Art  Brlc-a-Brac  repaired,  UK  O'Farrell  Street,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 


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AS  A  BEVERAGE, 
AS  A  REMEDY, 


NECTAR ! 
-     SOVEREIGN  ! 


AS  AN  APPETIZER, 
AS  A  WHOLE, 


UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED  ! 


An  Unfailing  Cure  for  all  Malarial  Diseases,  Dyspepsia  and  Debility. 


T***> 


,!»*>»      jn*>, 


'A 


^ 


If        For 
Breakfast 

Lunch 
Go  to  the 
New    England 
KITCHEN. 

52  2 

California  St. 


'HE  CELEBRATED 

IAKPACNE  WINES 

[«srs.  DEcrzi  Geldkrmasn  Av.  en  Champajrne. 


CACHET    BLANC  -Extra    »ry, 

Id  cases  quarts  and  pints, 

CABINET     <.lti:i:s      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

RDI  \l  \    RED   AND  WHITE  WINES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Ltvze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     WINES, 

cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

irles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


a 


I 


CHAMBERLAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PltOPIUT.TOnS. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 

COLLEGE. 


**"SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS   g 


f  Leop  )  ro's 

iLOEIST 

3SOST  STREET,  below  Kerny 
|oug.u:ta  SnkiH.»!)ith5JHi 


s 


8 

MOAT  V 

Street. 


Photographer. 


ILEN  fei  WiY  &  CO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

1)UOR    MERCHANTS 

^22  and  824  FRONT  STREET, 

FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


COFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping  &.  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 


\i  aniento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


VOL.  X. 


SAN    FRANCISCO,  MARCH  3,  1883. 


No.  344. 


ROE  DLE  HER 

Champagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from   Mr.    I  cm  i-   Itm  dmr ,  Iti-ims,  over  his  xiynature  anil 
Consular  Invoice.'    Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACON  DRAY   &  CO.,  Sole  AgentB  for  the  Pacific  Coast 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
114    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN, 

FRENCH      RR  INDIES, 

PORT,    SHERRY,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
:;is    Front     Street.    Room    2,     San     FranelKco 


I 


O  R. 


MERRIMAN'S 


FRAGRANT 


|M 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE     Kl     ALL    DRUGGISTS. 


James  Shea.         A.  Booqueraz.         R.  McKeb. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jackson   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON    J.    HARDY," 

".I.    F.    CFTTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old     Bourbon     niiishli-s. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


S  C  H  L  I  T  Z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHAED8    &    HAERISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
V    «'.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets,    San    Francisco. 


Diper  Heidsieck 

1     CHAMPAGNE ! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  St.,  Han  Francisco.  Cal. 


"Excelsior  ! ' 


'Excelsior  !' 


C.     Z  I  jN"  2ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

\o.  5  Montgomery  Htroet  OIhkoiiIc  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

«*&  COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  spceialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    «,    8    and     10, 

Entrance,  800  Market  street. 

Dr.  C1IAS    W.   DECKER,  Dentist 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


Mean  Stomach  Bitiers. 

Groat  Blootl  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchant 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Paci^e  Coast. 

lIANOflHazeltuii  Bros 

First  Class,   \    HALLBT &c™ston, 

'„„    -■  t-,  •        \     A.iM.  BENHAM, 

Medium  Price,  A  ==5^  s  EATON 

FULL    VALUE     1  I      647     Market      Street, 


FOR   TOUR  MONEY 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  &  Go's 

[JBUDWEISER  BEER  j) 

WHOLESALE  DEALEES  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisoo,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth  's 

Phot  ogr  aph  s 

The  IllKhcst  Slautlard  of  Excellence, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


The 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 


BST  Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AtiRiei/LTIIRAL  SOCIETY;  also. 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Rent  Work. 

manshlp. 


MEUSSDORFFERS  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale  and  Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULM  ANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  tan  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WUSTPHaLIA  HAMS.  German 
Sausages.  A.  KEUSCIIE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DKI  MOaroPOliK  (extra), 

L.  UOEBEltEB  (sweet  ami  dry), 
91  VET  .1    OIANUON, 

VEUVE    CUCUUOT, 

For  sale  l>y    A.      VIGNiER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(Joux  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
£&•  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6'SiS  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladies'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
<  il  AS.  J.  HOLMES,  I'rop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     O., 

(Oculist.) 
piORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
r  removed  to  Phelan's  Building;,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  h.  to  3  p.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

\os.  114  and  lift  Harket  street, 
V>s.  11  aud  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


-    Proprietor 


olters  G  rot  hers  (k.  Ut 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Wines  and  Liquors 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    D  ANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


QANTRANCISCOIQTOCK  DREWERT 
Capital  Stock 


•  200,000 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN    ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

ANT) 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


KCDOlPH  MOHK,  Secretary. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  DIAt'DOXALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufactuking, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

'-•n  to  .'.'.>  Spear  St.,  'Ms  to  '.".'*;  Stuart  st. 
San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     TUB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DIMKG-R00M 

In  the  World. 
Win.   F.  HAKKISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUNAN,   Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN    FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    "T 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 


(§^ttA  $avoi&Yi\\}  $3  (j&! 


LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 

THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

fjyNone  Genuine  unless  bearing:  our  name  on  Label  and  Cork  . 


_6J6  MONTGQMUXST.  &  S.E.C0R. SUTTER  a  DUP.ONT,SIS-,„   *, 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO, 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  8.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited) : 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald 
win  Locomotive  Worts  ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
Nicu.  Aahton  &  Son's  Fait. 


Ml^- 


Mok 

BOCA 

Beer. 


.      <Sp' 


L     P.    nmciM,    maker   of 


Water  Prool  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED   CALIFORNIA 


OH 
p, 


AMPAGN 


Pure,  delicious  and  healtliful.  L« 

809    HONTtiO.HKKY  St.,  San   Franri.sro. 

H  .     N.     COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    mh;m:i   stkeet,  ' 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the   Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 

406     Sacramento     Street, 

San  Francisco. 


OP    ALL     RIM'-,. 


413  and    415  Sansomc  St. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


TRADE 
MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A-  2:°2?JL£,S°N- 


Established       1854. 

GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  drain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IHPORTKRS   OF 

^  J±  I3  IE    "R, 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STKEET. 
Kcnnery,   Eighth  aud   Brannan  streets. 

OLAUS  BPRE0KEL8 President 

J.D.  8PRECKELB    Vice-Preident 

A.B.  8PREOEELS Secretary 

THE     AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  lOW,  Presided! 
Office— SOS  California  street. 


CVOL.  10. 


y°«344. 


& 
& 


IA^   „   *"*  ■'  ■:■■■      -  -W-/\,.^-'       i       r^     »AP} 


HERE 


AND 


THE    WASP 


CAME     ACROSS    THE     GIRLS, 


By  rock  and  by  rift  and  runnel,  by  marsh  and  meadow 

and  mound, 
He  went  with  his  dogs  beside  him,  and  marveled  no  game 

was  found ; 
Till  the  laugh  of  the  whole  green  gorge,  and  the  gray  cliffs 

gleaming  on  high, 
Rang  and  re-echoed  with  horns  and  the  musical  hunting 

cry. 
And  the  hounds  broke  out  of  the  cover,  all  baying  together 

in  tune, 
And  the  hare  sprang  panting  before  them,  along  up  the 

lawn,  dew-strewn : 
And  a  bevy  of  buskined  virgins,  dove-breasted,  broke 

from  the  bowers, 
With  spears  half  poised  for  the  hurling,  and  tresses  tangled 

with  flowers ; 
Their  lips,  rose-ruddy,  disparted  to  draw  their  delightsome 

breath 
For  the  chase,  and  the  cheer  thereof  ringing  the  rapture 

of  dealing  death  ; 
The  fine  heads  eagerly  lifted,  the  pitiless  fair  e3fes  fixed, 
The  flower-fresh  cheeks  flushed  flower-like — rich  lily,  rich 

rose,  commixed  ; 
The  slender  feet  flying  swiftly,  the  slight  shapes  rushing 

like  reeds 
When   the  Thracian  breezes  of  winter  descend  on  the 

marshy  meads. 
So  they  swept  along  like  music  ;    and  wildered  Actfeon 

stood 
Till  the  last  of  the  maiden  rangers  was  lost  in  the  leaning 

wood. 


SOCIETY, 


Clementina's  Letter, 


Dear  Tehama  : — Since  my  last  a  great  and  start- 
ling change  has  come  over  the  spirit  of  my  dream. 
Fairy  land  is  transformed  into  chaos.  The  har- 
mony of  our  very  select  circle  has  been  disturbed 
by  a  discordant  element.  Society  is  writhing  in 
the  clutches  of  the  megrims.  In  short,  the  vitals 
of  our  social  being  are  assailed  by  a  most  hideous 
scandal.  It  originated  on  board  the  Colic  during 
the  Tympani  which  I  described  in  my  last  letter 
You  will  remember  that  I  mentioned  the  fact  that 
Eear-Admiral  Yung  Bee,  of  the  Chinese  Turtle 
fleet  led  the  German  on  that  occasion  with  Mrs.  T. 
Jinks.  Thereby  hangs  the  tale  that  furnishes  the 
cue  for  the  harrowing  rumors  now  afloat.  It 
seems  that  Admiral  Yung  Bee,  yielding  his  soul 
to  the  weird  fascinations  of  the  Tympani,  partook 
too  freely  of  the  tea  which  constitutes  the  piece  de 
resistance  on  these  eventful  occasions,  but  which  in 
this  instance,  so  far  as  the  Admiral  was  concerned, 
proved  to  be  the  piece  d' acceptance.  I  have  lost  no 
time  in  attempting  to  probe  the  matter  to  its  in- 
nermost core,  and  by  dint  of  much  interviewing  I 
am  enabled  to  present  you  with  the  statements  of 
nearly  all  the  people  who  know  anything  whatever 
in  regard  to  the  case.  I  will  let  them  tell  their 
own  stories  without  further  comment  by  myself. 

THE    FEJOIE    DE     CHAMBRE's    STATEMENT. 

My  true  name  is  Kathleen  Mavourneen  Du- 
chesne. I  speak  English  to  a  limited  extent.  Of 
my  past  time  history  it  is  not  best  to  speak.  It  is 
not  necessary  that  I  should  reveal  the  bottom  facts 
regarding  the  reasons  why  I  am  now  an  emigree. 
They  do  not  concern  what  I  have  now  to  relate. 
I  am  now  the  femme  de  chambre  of  Mrs.  T.  Jinks. 
It  is  my  duty  to  keep  the  lady's  wardrobe  in  order 
and  to  make  her  up  for  the  evening  ;  also  to  sit  up 
for  her  until  her  return.  Last  Saturday  I  made  up 
Mrs.  Jinks  as  usual  and  awaited  her  return.  She 
arrived  about  eleven  o'clock  at  night,  and  seemed 
to  be  in  an  unusually  happy  mood.  Her  color,  I 
recollect,  was  much  heightened,  and  I  now  recall 
a  circumstance  which,  at  the  time,  I  did  not  give 
much  attention.  This  circumstance  was  two  cres- 
cent-shaped marks  upon  her  right  cheek,  like  two 
new  moons  with  the  horns  turned  toward  each 
other.  Yes,  Mrs  Jinks  does  use  rouge,  but  that  is 
no  crime,  and  she  may  have  been  kissed  on  that 
cheek  by  her  dearest  female  friend.  My  lady 
seated  herself  and  I  proceeded  to  take  her  hair 
down.  I  remember  that  I  had  uncoiled,  smoothed 
and  laid  away  about  half  of  her  coiffure  when  my 
attention  was  arrested  by  a  voice  beneath  the  win- 
dow. I  am  a  lover  of  music.  It  is  not  derogatory 
to  the  dignity  of  a  femme  de  chambre  to  be  a  lover 


of  music,  is  it  1.  I  instantly  recognized  the  sere- 
nade as  ' '  Mignon's  "  dainty  composition,  "  Rec- 
ompense." I  paused  to  listen  and  noticed  Mrs. 
Jinks  move  toward  the  window.  I  distinctly  re- 
member hearing  the  words,  "  And  so  I  gave  the 
world  was  wide,  corn  for  her  corn  and  pride  for 
pride,  and  yet  alas  I  found  that  she  was  more 
than  all  the  world  to  Bee,  was  more  than  all,  was 
more  than  all  the  world  to  Bee. "  At  this  juncture 
I  heard  a  loud  crash  outside,  Mrs.  Jinks  shrieked 
and  Mr.  Jinks  rushed  into  the  room.  Being  a  dis- 
creet woman,  and  the  affair  being  none  of  mine,  I 
withdrew.  As  I  left  the  room  I  heard  Mr.  Jinks, 
who  was  leaning  out  of  the  window,  say:  ''It's 
a  devilish  good  job  that  I  turned  that  pup  loose 
before  I  came  up  stairs,  and  you  bet  your  bottom 
dollar  he'll  make  it  mighty  lively  for  that  tenor  or 
my  name  ain't  Jinks  by  a  long  shot."  If  you  wish 
any  more  information  you  must  inquire  elsewhere. 
I  have  told  you  all  I  know. 

HON.    T.    JINKS'    STATEMENT. 

I  am  the  Honorable  Theophilus  Jinks,  Secretary 
to  the  American  Legation  now  in  the  dominion  of 
her  more  Royal  Highness  Swellahhed  Gallie  Gra- 
tia, Queen  of  the  Society  Islands  and  Empress  of 
Fiji. 

On  Saturday  last  I  went  along  with  Mrs.  J.  to 
the  Tympani  which  she  gave  aboard  the  yacht 
Colic.  I  noticed  that  she  danced  quite  consid- 
erable with  Rear- Admiral  Yung  Bee(  and  presented 
him  with  one  of  them  German  fixings,  but  I  took 
no  note  of  it  at  the  time,  sir  !  For  my  official  po- 
sition it  keeps  me  from  being  a  jealous  man,  sir  ! 
I  am  a  modest  man — a  vara  avis,  sir  !  I  lay  no 
claims  to  being  nothing  more  than  a  free-born 
American  citizen,  sir  !  But  I  want  you  and  the 
whole  creation  to  know  that,  sir  !  Moreover,  I 
know  as  it  fits  my  official  dignity  as  Secretary  to 
the  Legation  of  my  native  land  to  be  a  man  of 
peace,  sir  ! 

It  takes  a  considerable  to  arouse  an  American 
official,  sir !  But  when  he  is  once  aroused,  sir  ! 
you  can  just  bet  I'm  a  walking  nightmare, 
sir  !  I  come  home  about  11  p.  .jr. ,  sir,  and  went 
right  up  stairs  to  my  room  and  had  got  about  half 
undressed  when  I  was  paralyzed  by  a  scream  from 
a  female  sarcophagus.  I  run  right  oft'  to  Mrs.  J.  's 
room  and  discovered  her  in  a  violent  paradoxism 
of  wisteria.  Upon  interrogating  of  Katie  the 
cause,  I  was  informed  that  Katie  she  heard  a  loud 
crash  under  the  window.  I  couldn't  take  up  arms 
for  I  didn't  know  how  they  might  feel  in  Wash- 
ington about  it,  and  I  couldn't  get  a  lantern  with- 
out an  order  from  the  Quartermaster,  counter- 
signed by  the  Consul  of  the  port,  so  I  went  right 
back  to  my  room  and  locked  the  door  and  put  up 
a  chemo  de  frise  with  the  bureau  and  wash-stand, 
and  stood  on  the  defensive  until  morning.  About 
nine  o'clock  a.  m.  up  came  a  district  telegraph  boy 
with  a  dispatch,  reading  :  "  Oh!  do  take  care  of  the 
Bee — watch  him  while  he  sings."  Ididn'tunderstand 
this  till  I  went  into  the  garden  and  found  a  big 
hole  in  Rear-Admiral  Bee's  hot-house  where  he 
raises  his  vegetables.  I  climbed  over  my  fence 
and  jumped  through  the  hole  and  found  traces  of 
a  man,  sir  !  He  had  fell  through  the  roof  of  the 
hot-hnuse  and  lit  in  a  bed  of  radishes,  sir  !  On 
looking  around  I  found  a  Chinee  fiddle  in  a  state 
of  deliberation,  broken  all  to  pieces,  and  on  its 
handle  I  found  the  name,  Yung  Bee,  sir  !  But — 
don't  get  excited,  sir — I  found  something  more, 
sir  !  I  found  these  here  bits  of  music,  sir  !  :  "I 
loved  her,  and  I  loved  !  "  He  loved  her  !  Great 
Scott!  who  is  "her?"  '"I  found  that  she  was 
more  than  all  the  world  to  me,  was  more  than  all, 
was  more  than  all  the  world  to  me."  He  found  it, 
did  he  ?  How  did  he  found  it,  that's  the  point — 
how  did  he  found  it  ?  And  here's  another  :  what 
do  you  say  to  this  sir?:  "And  so  I  gave — the 
world  was  wide. "  What  did  he  give,  sir  ?  Why 
was  the  world  wide,  sir?  What  rhymes  with 
' '  wide,"  sir,  if  slide  doesn't  ?  That's  it  sir,  slide. 
But  I'll  make  him  sing  a  different  tune,  sir,  to 
rhyme  with  :  died,  sir,  died! 

REAR-ADMIRAI,   YUNG   BEE'S   STATEJIENT. 

Me  feel  belly  bad— all  bloke  up.  You  sabe  Tin 
pan?  Me  goeelong  sidee  Tin  pan  las' ni'.  Tin 
pan  allee  same  big  stuffee,  big  skippee.  You  sabe  ? 
You  sabe  Miss  Links  ?  Miss  Links  she  belly  nice 
lady.  Me  likee  skippee,  Miss  Links  likee  skippee 
alle  same.  Miss  Links  she  skippee  Yung  Bee, 
Yung  Bee  he  skippee  Miss  Links.  Sabe  ?  Belly 
good.  Miss  Links  she  skippee  top  side  my  corn. 
Kong-foot-see!  Makee  me  belly  much  feel  bad.  Me 
gettee   mad   allee    same   like   Melican   man.    .Me 


skippee  top  sidee  Miss  Links'  corn.  Me  pay  she 
giveeto  me.  Sabe  ?  She  gettee  belly  mad — belly, 
belly  mad.  She  say  go  way.  She  say  :  "Oh,  me 
no  skippee  no  mo' long  side  Yung  Bee. "  Me  no 
care.  Me  go  top  sidee  boat  ;  dlinkee  belly  much 
tea.  Tea  belly  good.  You  likee  tea?  Me  dlinkee 
mo'  tea.  Me  feel  belly  sick.  Head  go  lound  allee 
same  top.  No  !  no  !  me  no  dlunk.  Me  sick,  sick. 
Sabe  ?  Me  go  housee.  Me  go  housee,  go  beddee, 
go  sleepee.  Me  get  up  nex'  mo'n;  me  have  man 
come  see  me.  Him  fiend  Mistl'  Links.  He  tellee 
me  I  go  Mistl'  Links'  house  las'  ni'.  I  tly  lira,  way 
long  side  Miss  Links.  He  say  Mistl'  Linksshootee 
me  allee  same  bow-wow. 

Me  no  know.  Me  no  go  long  side  Mistl'  Links' 
housee.  Me  no  likee  Miss  Links  ;  she  makee  my 
corn  feel  belly  bad.  Me  say  Mistl'  Links  he  likee 
have  laugh  on  Yung  Bee.  He  likee  make  fun.  Me 
go  bedee,  sleepee  allee  ni'.  No  go  outee.  You  tellee 
Mistl'  Links  he  tly  makee  fun  Yung  Bee.  You  sabe  ? 

THE   HOUSEKEEPER'S   STATEMENT. 

Me  brooder  he  keepa  da  caf  stand  ina  da  Leides- 
dorffa  streeta.  Ma  brood,  another,  he  keepa  da 
fish  boat.     He  goa  to  da  Far'lone,  catcha  da  smelt 

a  catcha  da  mon .    Ma  nama  1    Orsina.    Duka 

da  Orsina,  he  ma  granda  father  a  greata  granda 
father.  Ma  brood  he  keepa  da  caf  a  Leidesdorffa 
streeta.  What  I  know  a  Yunga  Bee  ?  I  tella  you. 
I  taka  da  candle.  I  goa  to  the  garden.  I  finda  da 
boss  he  sleepa  very  mooch.  No  taka  da  notice 
nobody.  He  walka  da  sleep.  He  catcha  da  gal 
too.      I  no  lika  him  catcha  da  gal.      He  no  catcha 

me.     Ma  brood  he   catcha  da Oh,  you  lika 

know,  eh  ?  I  durmo  nothing.  I. finda  da  boss; 
he  lia  da  vegetabla  drunk,  I  tinka.  He  catcha  da 
cold  ;  I  bring  him  to  da  housa.     Ma  brood   he 

keepa   da  caf  on   a .     Oh,  I  taka  da  boss  he 

cornea  da  housa.  I  puta  da  bed.  He  walka  da 
sleep,  I  tella  da  youa.     Ma  brood  he  catcha  da 

fish .     Oh,  you  lika  catcha  da  boss.     You  no 

catcha  da  boss  with  me.  I  no  giva  da  boss  away. 
I  finda  da  po'try  he  reada  like  this  :  ' '  Da  winda 
creeps  down,  he  walks  da  garden  he  steala  da  bios. 
I  loafa  da  gal ;  she  no  loafa  da  me.  I  giva  da 
scorna  fo  da  scorna  she  giva  me."  Ma  brood 
he  catcha  da  fish — — . 

These,  dear  Tehama,  are  the  facts  of  the  case, 
what  the  outcome  will  be  it  is  very  difficult  to  say. 
It  is  affirmed  on  the  very  best  authority  that  the 
Hon.  T.  Jinks  has  sent  a  card  to  Rear-Admiral 
Yung  Bee,  and  that  a  meeting  has  been  arranged 
for  a  day  in  the  near  future,  the  weapons  to  be 
government  mules  at  three  paces. 

The  statement  of  the  housekeeper  is  most  diffi- 
cult to  understand.  She  affirms  that  the  Rear- 
Admiral  is  a  somnambulist.  If  this  could  be 
proved  it  would  of  course  clear  up  the  whole  affair. 
But  the  thing  is  to  prove  it,  and  just  "  there's  the 
rub."  Meanwhile,  poor  Mrs.  Jinks  is  inconsol- 
able ;  not  even  her  dearest  friends  are  allowed  to 
solace  her  hours  of  darksome  despair.  While  the 
Hon.  Secretary  breathes  fresh  vengeance  with 
every  expiration.  We  all  look  with  feverish  anxi- 
ety for  the  climax,  which  will  probably  appear  in 
the  Fiji  Boomeraiig  to-morrow.  In  my  next  I  will 
give  you  a  full  account.     Till  then,  au  revoir. 

Clementina. 

Hottongville,  Society  Islands,  Dec.  22, 1SS2. 


This  is  what  Prince  Bismark  has  to  say  of  the 
English  mode  of  "  keeping  Sunday  "  :  "  The  first 
time  I  set  foot  on  English  soil — it  was  in  Hull — I 
remember  that  I  began  whistling  in  the  streets. 
'  Oh,  pray  do  not  whistle,'  said  an  English  fellow- 
traveler.  '  Why  not  ? '  I  asked.  '  Why  not  ?  Is 
it  prohibited  ? '  '  No,'  was  the  reply,  '  it  is  not 
against  the  law  ;  but  don't  you  know  it's  the  Sab- 
bath ?  '  I  was  so  angry  at  such  intolerance  that  I 
determined  to  leave  the  town  at  once,  and  I  took 
the  next  steamer  for  Edingburgh. " 


Grace  Greenwood,  who  was  one  of  Gambetta's 
most  intimate  American  advisers,  says  that  his 
character  was  "grandly,  almost  rudely  simple." 
Lydia  Pinkham,  who  knew  the  dead  statesman 
even  better  than  Grace,  declares  that  'twas 
"rudely,  almost  simply  grand."  While  Steve 
Massett,  who  was  most  luxuriously  and  confiden- 
tially snubbed  by  the  great  leader  when  last  in 
Paris,  contends  that'  twas  "simply,  almost  grandly 
rude." 


Women   never  weep   more   bitterly  than  "when 
they  weep  with  spite. 


THE     WASP. 


HE    CAPITAL     OF    THE     COMMONWEALTH.-YII. 


Siavi.w    ColtHBHrONrtKNOK  OV    nil     WaSI*. 


Sacramento,  March  .'.  188$. 

When  the  cultured  legislator  talks  figurative!)  ol 

Cajiitol    he  describes  the  building  as  if   it  were 

e  ship  of  state — the  Senate  being  the  cabin  and 

mbly  the  steerage.     These  terms  are  used 

distinguish  the  rival  houses  of  legislation 
uli  they  may  be  called  for  each  regards  the 
;her  as  an  offensive  competitor  for  the  public  re 
ud.  that  would  best  advance  the  interests  of  the 
•iimionwealth  by  adjourning  itself  for  ail  time 
ith  a  few  barrels  of  nitro-glycerine.     The  I'.tprit 

eorp*  extends  from  the  seat  of  the  President's 
tair  to  the  soles  of  the  smallest  page's  slippers, 
ud  is  never  dormant.  When  some  attache  of  the 
|jper  house  of  legislation  returns  from  the  purlieus 

the  less  aristocratic  establishment  he  remarks, 
i  the  name  of  a  man  who  has  taken  desperate 
lances  on   his  reputation  and  come  oil   with  his 

in-  c paratively  clear  :  "I've  been  over  to  the 

eerage  '  "  Frequently  the  pangs  of  professional 
ide  prevent  the  returned  aristocrat  from  express- 
ig  tli-  full  measure  of  his  indiscretion  or  misfor- 
itie,  oid  he  merely  outlines  his  adventure  by  re- 
tarking  that  "  They're  raisin'  hell  in  the  steer- 
1 ;  thus  delicately  indicating  to  the  alert  per- 
■ptions  of  his  audience  that  he  has  been  a  specta- 
>r  of  the  pandemonium.  On  the  other  hand, 
lien  Sergeant-at-Arms  Farrelly  returns  from  the 
enate,  after  chasing  down  some  delinquent  page 
ud  forcing  the  fugitive  to  disgorge  the  misdirected 
ime,  lie  remarks  disdainfully  between  his  gasps  : 
Tli'  cabin  is  away  behind  and  will  never  ketch 
'. "  Being  too  busily  engaged  in  intercepting 
eery  adventurous  nickel  that  tries  to  find  its  way 
ut  of  the  Capitol,  Mr.  Farrelly  does  not  stop  to 
insider  that  the  proper  place  for  the  cabin  is  in 
sar  of  the  ship  of  state  and  that  the  concentrated 
:om  of  his  Hibernianism  is  therefore  unmerited. 
here  are  various  reasons  why  the  Senate,  in  the 
:ruggle  to  anticipate  the  Millennium,  should  be  dis- 
inced  by  the  other  patriots  in  the  legislative  strug- 
le.  It  is  not  to  be  expected  that  the  foundations  of 
topia  can  be  laid  on  the  bed-rock  of  incorruptible 
atriotism  while  such  distinguished  statesmen  as 
enator  Perry  of  the  Tenth  District  are  kept  toil- 
ig,  as  in  the  subjoined  sketch. 


It  is  unnecessary  to  speak  of  Mr.  Perry  at  great 
length,  as  the  genus  to  which  he  belongs  unites 
with  an  expansion  of  ear  an  ability  of  vocal  ad- 
vertisement that  insures  notoriety  whenever  any 
member  thereof  opens  his  mouth.  Mr.  Perry's 
month  is  of  the  conventional  cast,  and  when  he 
'opens  it  the  paddocks  for  miles  around  twinkle 
with  fraternal  heels,  while  the  corrals  from  Yolo 
to  Tehama  swell  the  anthem  for  the  elevation  of  a 
worthy  representative  to  a  high  public  trust.  For 
some  days  the  energetic  young  statesman  has  been 
woefully  still,  and  as  all  phenomena  need  an  ex- 
planation it  has  been  stated  that  the  unnatural 
quiet  was  occasioned  by  a  melancholy  accident.  It 
is  said  that  on  the  last  day  of  Mr.  Perry's  oratoric- 
al prowess  he  turned  his  face  towards  the  gallery 
where  Mr.  Drexler  sat,  grasping  a  twenty-dollar 
piece  wrapped   in  a  large   gunny-sack  and  labeled 

oleomargarine."  The  bull-butterer  was  so  un- 
nerved by  the  sight   of  the  vocal  abyss  that  he  in- 


stinctively Bung  the  long-cherished  treasure  into 
tne  gun.  it  i>  believed  thai  l,.-  immediately  went 
OH  and  hanged  himself   ii  |,aSno, 

:!"•'"'"  around  the  halls  of   legislation 

'■'"  Ml    '  erry.nol  havin  Bntanele 

he  twenty-dollai 
gizzard,  has  been  for.   .1  to    iv<  in-  j 

as  there  has  been    i  ,  ,  a; ,   .,, 

1  Brrys  nativity,  I   may  as  aril  settle  the  qo 
uowand  forever  by  .,  ,,,..  „0lra„ 

senatoi  is  n  native  of  Mission   Rook,  and  wased 

'.'V'1"'1  ""    fcl"   south   i Rolling  Mills 

Mr.  I  erry  is  a  wonderful  example  of  the  advanta 
ges  of  universal  suffrage;  but,  perhaps  even 
more  interesting  is  Ms  colleague  from  the  Tenth 


1  have  sketched  this  remarkable  automaton  as  it 
appears  when  swayed  by  the  influence  of  Mr.  Win. 
Higgins  in  the  background.  When  not  under  the 
spell  of  its  creator  the  marvelous  bit  of  mechanism 
either  aits  listlessly  at  its  desk  or  engages  indiffer- 
ently in  the  mild  discussion  of  unimportant  topics. 
The  moment,  however,  that  the  Republican  Boss 
exercises  his  mysterious  power  the  automaton  be- 
gins to  range  through  all  the  various  stages  of 
emotion.  If  the  Boss  crook  his  little  finger  the 
automaton  becomes  a  clamorous  reformer,  eager  to 
extend  the  distressed  country  all  concessions 
from  free  whisky  to  female  suffrage.  If  the  Boss 
wink  his  sinister  eye,  the  automaton  rises  in  the 
nobility  of  virtuous  wrath  to  confront  the  persecu- 
tors of  the  distressed  people  who  are  forced  to  oper- 
ate the  Central  Pacific  Railroad.  If  the  Boss  was 
his  ear,  the  automaton  discourses  of  the  green 
fields  where  ,,ie  lawful  parents  of  the  butter  firkins 
wander  amid  cowslips  and  daisies,  or  the  grimy 
rafters  and  reeking  vats,  where  in  the  odor  of  de- 
ceased brutality  Mr.  Wilson  sits  writing  his  apothe- 
osis of  fat  for  the  Evi  niny  Ghost,  At  every  wave 
of  the  Boss's  portly  form  the  automaton  exhibits  a 
new  phase  of  passion,  until  the  spectators  grow 
speechless  in  amazement  that  a  Chinaman  should 
be  regarded  as  a  superfluous  part  of  the  community 
when  a  man  of  wood  can  be  such  an  indefatigable 
and  serviceable  assistant.      Peroival  Gilhoolt:. 


POLITICAL     PIETY. 


The  statesmen  and  students  of  political  economy 
and  other  kindred  matters  should  study  the  so- 
called  evangelizing  forces  of  the  age,  not,  as  is 
often  the  case,  to  play  the  pious  demagogue,  but 
for  the  purpose  of  giving  to  the  missionary  at 
home  and  abroad  due  credit  and  fair  endorsement 
— nothing  more  nor  less.  It  is  time  that  fables 
gave  place  to  facts  in  every  department  of  our  civ- 
ilization, and  that  sentimentalism  were  driven  out 
of  the  engine-room  of  the  ship  of  State. 

Here  is  a  specimen  of  sentimental  statesman- 
ship, from  Michigan:  "The  population  of  the 
earth  is  about  1,450,000,000.  More  than  one-half 
of  this  vast  population  is  not  half  sheltered,  half 
clothed  or  half  fed,  and  is  living  a  life  hardly  worth 
living.  Commerce,  supplemented  by  the  labors  of 
the  Christian  missionary,  will  elevate  these  millions 
to  a  plane  of  civilization  that  will  compare  favora- 
bly with  the  civilization  of  our  own  people  at  the 
present  time." 

The  supplement  of  the  Christian  missionary  to 


hi  its  action 

tramp  t,,  the  indusl 

like  the   al 

olitical 
0 

n 
played  o 

olians, 
lartara  and  othei    "  holj  I o   tou 

hundred  I  .    | i,,.,i  ,,,,( 

lionsol 
The   Michigan   statesman    and    In.,   nami    il    i 

l:"  hard  '01 iontempli -  il levation  of  the 

Chinese  says,  seriously  and  i i  i ,s  bul 

one  prai  I  Lefl  open  for  iliU  nation   to 

pursue,  and  thai   is  to  ra  real   influx  as 

thej  land  upon  our  shores,  with  the  spelling  I 

in  om-  hand  and  il"-  Bible  in  the  other,  and  teach 
them  to  become  God-fearing  and  law-abidin 

^  hoop  !     I  .i i"  .,  jpi  ...,|  :,  Bible  p 

■  I    q       Brotlu  i  i'......  '.'.ill  you  pray  ' 

Sul.n\|,.\     (  >l,h.|.,M;. 

''•  s-      I  almosl  forgol  to  obsen •  remark, 

rather  that  the  Michigan  statesman  wants  a  sub 
ighl  hundred  millions  of  cash  to  be  handled 
bj  the  national  banks  in  the  nextten  years  foi  the 
good  of  the  country.  It  is  a  little  disgusting,  even 
t"  a  .lull  sinner,  hi  find   everj    kind  of  public  steal. 

from  patent  medicine  t,,  party  purity,  endorsed  b; 

tin-  missionaries.     Brother  Gibs will  ./...-  please 

raise  the  tchune  and  sing  : 

"  From  many  an  ancient  river, 
From  insii\  :i  palmy  plain 
T!u-\  call  'I-  to  deliver 
Their  Land  from  error's  chain 

And  sell  it  for  SI.",   per  acre  and  upward. 

ffoni  T<«i.l  Valley,  February  ::.  WW. 


(>.  s. 


OBJECTIONS  TO    THE    NEW     CHARTER, 


It  gii  es  the  clergj  ontrol  of  the  Treasury. 

It  does  nut   provide  fr ysters  ami  champagne 

for  the  poof. 

There  is  nothing  in  if  aboul  the  doctrine  of  oiie,- 
inal  sin. 

The  sections  relating  to  the  cure  of  dyspepsia  am 
loosety  drawn. 

It  provides  no  public  revenue  for  the  payment  of 
private  debts. 

It  dn.vs  in, I  rl,\  un- 
it does  not  recognize  God,  except  indirectly  by 
respectfully  leaving  him  nut. 

It  will  not  break  :i  colt,  nor  repair  a  colt  already 
broken. 

It  requires  the  Mayor  to  be  thirty  years  old  -i 
matter  over  which  he  has  no  control. 

It  is  not  the  same  charter  that  was  rejected  some 
years  ago. 

Water,  under  this  charter,  is  not  made  to  run  up 
hill. 

The  fogs  of  the  autumn  are  not  prohibited,  nor 
the  summer  dust  forbidden. 

It  does  nothing  to  guard  a  man  from  the  peril  of 
living  next  door  to  another  man's  pretty  wife. 

h  does  nothing  for  the  other  man. 

It  does  not  hang  Wheeler. 

There  is'nt  a  word  in  it  about  the  American 
Eagle  and  the  Palladii f  our  Liberties. 

It  has  not  tin-  approval  of  Col.  Jackson. 


The  Monitor  c s  u] lily  to  the  defence  nf 

Columbus  against  the  blood-curdling  charge  of 
having  an  illegitimate  son.     He  was  ton  "practical 

a  Catholic  in  c< it  such  a  crime  as  that  imputed 

to  him,"  ipioth'a.  See  here,  good  friend,  are  there 
mi  illegitimate  sons  in  countries  practically  Catho- 
lic I  Have  the  centuries  of  Catholic  dominance 
nothing  to  answer  for  in  that  way  ?  Have  their 
most  gracious  Catholic  majesties  in  the  present 
and  the  past  been  always  as  the  wicked  Protest- 
ants are  not  I  Firsi  thing  you  know  you'll  provoke 
some  fellow  to  go  at  your  preposterous  ami  bigoted 
innuendoes  with  such  an  equipment  of  historical  in- 
stances that  you'll  feel  like  a  yellow  dog  in  a  tem- 
pest of  brick-bate.  You  are  a  pea-green  fool,  child, 
with  a  vertical  ear,  and  your  ribs  outside  your  skin. 
Your  knees  are  not  mates,  your  liver  is  on  had 
terms  with  your  stomach,  you  are  variously  objec- 
ionable  and  we  do  not  find  your  father's  name  in 
the  directory. 


THE     WASP 


SATURDAY, 


MARCH   3,   1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  540  AND  543  CALI- 
FORNIA  ST.,  BELOW   KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    KACFAELANE    &    CO., 
Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

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The  New  Charter  upon  which  the  people  of  this 
city  will  give  judgment  to-day  is  bitterly  opposed 
by  every  professional  politician  and  "  worker"  in 
San  Francisco,  and  by  every  editor  who  has  opin- 
ions for  sale  cheap.  The  corrupt  journalist  is  des- 
titute of  influence,  butthe  "practical  politician"  com- 
monly manages  to  have  things  his  own  way  except 
when  some  entirely  trivial  " issue"  "rouses  the 
people,"  and  brings  out  a  full  vote,  It  is  proba- 
ble, therefore,  that  the  new  charter  will  be  defeat- 
ed. If  so  there  will  be  no  cause  of  complaint — 
we  shall  have  deserved  that  whicli  we  did  not  take 
the  trouble  to  prevent.  While  the  charter  is  by 
no  means  a  perfect  instrument,  it  is  incomparably 
better  than  the  tangle  of  mischievous  and  contra- 
dictory laws  under  which  the  city  has  been  at  last 
bankrupted  by  successive  regimes  of  open  and  se- 
cure theft.  The  civil  service  provisions  of  the  new 
charter  are  modeled  upon  those  of  the  Pendleton 
Act,  which  is  now  the  law  of  the  land  in  Federal 
affairs.  If  the  charter  be  adopted  they  will  break 
the  power  of  the  "bosses  "and  carry  consterna- 
tion into  the  camp  of  the  corruptionists.  The  one- 
dollar  limit  of  taxation  and  the  stringent  checks 
upon  the  waste  of  the  revenue  will  provide  and 
secure  an  ample  fund  for  the  legitimate  expenses 
of  municipal  government.  The  clause  forbidding 
secret  sessions  of  the  Board  of  Supervisors  and  the 
Board  of  Education  is  of  no  value  :  everything  that 
a  majority  of  the  members  may  desire  to  do  in 
public  can  be  arranged  in  informal  meetings  out- 
side the  City  Hall.  There  is,  of  course,  only  one 
way  to  get  good  government,  and  that  is  by  elect- 
ing honest  and  capable  men  to  administer  it — a 
dream  that  will  hardly  be  realized  as  long  as  a  ma- 
jority of  the  voters  are  professional  idiots  and  mis- 
demeanants in  good  practice  ;  but  the  new  charter 
provides  a  number  of  pitfalls  along  the  paths  cf 
official  felony,  and  an  occasional  rascal  will  fall 
into  one  and  break  the  neck  of  him.  The  strong- 
est approval  the  charter  has  received — next  to  our 
own— is  that  of  the  California  Civil  Service  Asso- 
ciation, which  in  its  quiet  but  effective  way  is  do- 
ing here  the  work  of  the  parent  organization  in 
the  East.  There  is  no  nonsense  about  this  intelli- 
gent and  unselfish  association,  and  its  approval 
ought  to  have  as  much  weight  as  the  opposite 
opinion  of  Bill  Higgins,  Chris  Buckley  and  Sconchin. 


One  of  the  best  provisions  of  the  charter  is  that 
permitting  any  person  to  make  a  written  statement 
under  oath  that  he  has  cause  to  believe  that  a  cer- 
tain deputy,  clerk  or  employee  in  any  department 
■of  the  municipalservice  isincompetent  or  inefficient ; 


or  that  there  are  more  such  persons  than  are  nec- 
essary ;  and  requiring  the  Mayor  on  such  state- 
ment to  investigate  the  matter.  If  he  find  the 
statement  true  he  shall  so  report  to  the  Board  of 
Aldermen,  which,  having  notified  the  person  or 
persons  concerned,  may  make  such  removals  as  in 
its  judgment  may  seem  fit  and  necessary.  By  this 
section  and  those  others  by  which  the  army  of  of- 
fice-holders is  put  upon  a  peace  basis,  an  end  would 
be  put  to  the  existence  of  the  ornamental  clerks, 
pampered  drones,  salaried  statues  erected  by  gene- 
ral assessment,  nephews  of  notables,  Irish  patriots 
and  similar  horned  cattle  who  now  swarm  the  ap- 
proaches to  the  treasury  on  pay-day  and  spend  the 
rest  of  the  month  disparaging  the  universe  and 
exhorting  its  impenitent  Creator.  As  these  profes- 
sional consumers  cannot  legally  be  drowned  in  sacks 
like  unwelcome  kittens  and  superfluous  pups,  the 
next  best  thing  is  to  degrade  labor  by  driving  the 
sturdy  beggars  into  some  kind  of  honest  toil  by 
way  of  loosening  the  moss  upon  their  backs  and 
astonishing  the  swallows  that  build  in   their  ears. 


In  the  interest  of  Eastern  sugar  refiners  the 
Chronicle  undertook  to  abrogate  the  reciprocity 
treaty  with  the  Hawaiian  Islands  by  a  character- 
istic course  of  mendacity  and  abuse.  No  sooner 
is  one  of  its  lies  wrecked  than  it  builds  another 
and  sets  it  afloat,  But  it  has  at  last  exhausted  its 
good  timber,  and  not  a  sane,  staunch,  sea-going 
lie  has  left  its  shipyard  for  some  weeks  :  the  cranky 
hulks  that  it  now  launches  go  to  pieces  of  their 
own  weight  the  moment  they  get  wet.  The  straits 
to  which  this  inexhaustible  but  ineffectual  liar  is 
now  reduced  are  shown  in  its  latest  and  most  fran- 
tic attempt  to  earn  its  dishonest  money  by  setting 
up  the  bogy  of  leprous  contagion.  It  would  put  a 
whole  nation  in  quarantine,  destroy  a  trade  of  mil- 
lions annually  and  reverse  a  traditional  foreign 
policy  of  our  Government  because  a  few  native 
Hawaiians  suffer  from  an  incurable  disorder.  There 
is  but  one  recorded  instance  of  a  white  resident  of 
the  Islands  having  contracted  the  disease — a  dissi- 
pated tramp  named  J.  Boehle,  who  lived  for  years 
with  an  infected  native  wife,  and  who  cherished 
such  a  multitude  of  more  objectionable  ailments 
that  he  was  facetiously  said  to  have  taken  leprosy 
as  a  sanitary  precaution.  The  case  of  Mr.  Derby, 
who  recently  passed  through  this  city  to  Massachu- 
setts, and  is  now  said  to  be  dying  of  leprosy  in  a 
hospital,  is  a  pure  fiction.  Mr.  Derby  is  personally 
known  at  this  office.  He  has  not  leprosy,  nor  any- 
thing like  it.  He  is  a  very  sick  man,  but  his  phys- 
ical taint,  though  similar  in  kind,  is  inferior  in  de- 
gree to  the  moral  disorder  of  Mike  de  Young. 


There  is  a  certain  coarse  humor  in  all  this.  The 
notion  that  a  low-born,  ill-bred,  uneducated  black- 
mailer like  Mike  de  Young  can  by  any  means  that 
he  is  capable  of  employing  turn  awry  the  current 
of  a  public  opinion  that  is  strengthened  by  so  ob- 
viously profitable  a  commercial  intercourse  as  that 
between  San  Francisco  and  Honolulu  is  sufficient- 
ly ludicrous  ;  but  the  idea  that  he  can  do  this  by 
putting  himself  in  alliance  with  a  disease  that 
would  blush  to  be  detected  in  his  company  tran- 
scends the  merely  ridiculous  and  boldly  invades 
a  domain  of  supernatural  humor  whose  absolutely 
unspeakable  laughableness  is  as  yet  without  an 
adequate  name.  This  pattern  blackguard  ;  this 
immeasurable  and  incalculable  dolt ;  this  cogent 
and  unanswerable  argument  for  the  doctrines 
of  original  sin  and  total  depravity  ;  this  mindless, 
conscienceless,  unthinkable  occupant  of  the  throne 
of  sin  ;  this  Prince  of  Fiddle-faddle  and  Duke  of 
Fee-faw-fum,  born  to  the  purple  of  iniquity  and 
brandishingthe  sceptreof  shame,  has  the  hardihood 
to  ask  us  to  believe  the  statements  of  his  detestable 
newspaper  against  the  combined  testimony  of  our 


friends  and  countrymen  in  Honolulu,  of  travelers, of 
medical  men— of  everybody  who  has  knowledge  of 
the  subject  and  an  unselfish  regard  for  the  truth. 
This  testimony  clearly  shows  that  the  existence 
of  leprosy  among  the  natives  at  the  Hawaiian  IB- 
lands  has,  and  can  have,  no  nearer  relation  to  oua 
commercial  and  social  interests  than  the  existence 
of  the  De  Young  family  has  to  the  precession  of' 
the  equinoxes  or  to  the  orderly  arrangement  of  the 
soltititial  periods, 

The  Assembly  has  adopted  a  resolution  callings 
upon  Governor  Stoneman  to  furnish  any  informa- 
tion he  may  have  regarding  such  action  as  thfii 
Railroad  Commission  may  have  taken  in  carrying 
out  "  the  promises  made  to  to  the  people  touching'i 
the  reduction  of  freights  and  fares. "  It  is  need- 
less to  say  that  further  than  to  carry  on  an  apj 
parently  endless  discussion  with  the  Railroaffl 
managers  the  Commission  has  taken  no  action 
whatever.  Moreover,  if  Judge  Sawyer's  injunc- 
tion in  the  Spring  Valley  matter  is  good  law  thai 
Commissioners  need  not  trouble  themselves  to  res 
duee  freights  and  fares,  for  their  action  will  be  in-' 
valid  and  void.  It  is  clear  that  if  the  Supervisors 
cannot  lower  the  water-rates  because  they  prom- 
ised to,  the  Railroad  Commissioners,  who  promised 
to  lower  freights  and  fares,  cannot  do  that.  We 
do  not  care  to  discuss  now  either  the  moral  or  the 
legal  aspect  of  the  water  controversy,  nor  to  waste 
the  mild  dry  light  of  common  sense  upon  the  lu-i 
minous  intelligence  of  Mr.  Frank  Newlands  anffl 
the  flamboyant  temper  of  Mr.  Fleet  Strotber;  ouM 
object  is  to  point  out  the  parallel  between  the  pow-, 
ers  of  the  two  boards  and  that  between  the  rights  of 
the  two  corporations.  It  is  plain  that  the  grounffl 
upon  which  Spring  Valley  and  the  city  are  doinfl 
battle  is  that  upon  which  the  Railroad  will  loclfl 
horns  with  the  State.  Charley  Crocker,  we  be- 
lieve,  has  already  depressed  his  gnarly  pate  and  ira 
covering  his  flanks  with  a  desolation  of  dust. 


A  city  without  courts  of  law,  a  fire  departure™ 
without  fuel   and   horse-feed,  streets  and   publffl 
buildings  without   lights   by  night,  all  the  publffl 
business  inadequately  performed,  from  the  making 
of  assessment  rolls  to  the  protection  of  life  and) 
property — these  are  some  of  the  blessings  of  thS 
present  and  the   near   future,  bequeathed  to  Safl 
Francisco  by  sucessive  bands  of  thieves  whom  iffl 
citizens  have  elected  to  office.     It   is   a  cheerful 
outlook  and  an  instructive  spectacle,  this  reditetiQ. 
ad  absiirdum  of  "popular  government."     How  dffl 
you  like  it,  excellent  gentlemen  who  draw  fanciful, 
distinctions  between  the  office-holder  and  the  man, 
publicly  execrating  a  rascal  in  his  official  capaci™ 
and  privately  taking  him  by  the  hand  in  his  char- 
acter as  a  citizen  1     How  does  it  all  suit,  amiable? 
ladies  who  welcome  to  your  drawing-rooms  the  dis- 
tinguished men  whom  your  husbands  know  as  per/ 
jured  rogues  who  have  stolen  the  bottom  layer  of 
dollars   from    the   public   strong-box  1      They  arS 
"  smart  men,"  doubtless,  the  Bryants,    Kallochfl" 
and   Carmanys,  the — Holy  Moses  !  is   this  article, 
to  be  a  city  directory  ? — but  it  costs  a  good  deal  to 
maintain  them  in  the  style  to  which  thej'  have  done 
our   pockets    the    honor    to    become   accustoinedm 
Think  of   this  :    a  conference  of  leading  citizens- 
consulting  how  to  preserve  even  the  vestiges  of  an 
organized   society    wrecked   by   three   decades  o|* 
known  felons,  but  no  conference  of  leading  citi- 
zens to  bring  a  villain  of  them  to  justice  !     Not  an  I 
indictment ;    not    an   information ;     not  even  SQ» 
much  as  a  social  snubbing  by  an  honest  man  or  a 
self-respecting  woman.     Friends,  you  have  rid 
deserved  all  this.      You  would  have  "  univerffl 
suffrage,"   "party  government,"   "rotation  in  of- 
fice " — the  three  plagues  of  darkness,  deatli  an< 
lice.     How  like  you  ? 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


l!y   way   of  commemorating   the   coronation  of 

King  Kalakua  by  some  signal  murk  of  good  will, 

i  tin-  Emperor  of  Japan  sent   an  embassy  to  Bono- 

mlu  to  confer  upon  His  Hawaiian  Majesty's  most 

distinguished  subject  a  token  of  his  high  consider- 
ation. Naturally  the  honor  fell  by  right  of  su- 
perior eminence  to  that  famous  traveler  and  racon- 
teur, VIr.  Pakana  Spencer,  whom  it  was  decided 
t<»  decorate  with  (he  Imperial  Order  of  the  Rising 
Sim.  Unfortunately,  an  agent  of  the  Rising  Sun 
Sto\  e  Polish  happened  to  be  in  Honolulu,  and  from 
some  confused  notion  of  an.  infringement  of  his 
company's  patent  or  an  appropriation  of  its  trade- 
mark, he  caused  Mr.  Spencer's  arrest  the  first  time 
that  gentleman  appeared  in  public  with  his  decora- 
tion blazing  on  his  breast.  He  has  been  released 
on  bonds,  but  the  incident  has  given  rise  to  a  good 
deal  of  feeling  between  the  Hawaiian  and  Japanese 
Governments  on  the  one  hand  and  our  own  on  the 
other,  and  Mr.  Spencer  is  himself  in  a  singularly 
uuamiable  frame  of  mind. 


P.  Collins,"  murmured  Marshall,  his  memory  turn 
ing  tenderly  to  his  Montgomery  street  alma  mater. 


<  >ut  in  the  Wood  River  country  the  people  have 
a  primitive,  simple  and  straightforward  way  of  ap- 
pealing from  the  decision  of  a  court  without  carry- 
ing the  case  to  any  higher  tribunal.  They  get  the 
judge  outside  and  lay  eggs  at  him  until  he  resem- 
bles a  hen's  nest  that  has  known  some  heavy  sor- 
row. And  now  in  the  Wood  River  country  when 
they  see  a  hen  straddling  a  warm  egg  they  call  her 
an  attorney  for  the  people. 

When  Salmi  Morse  rehearsed  his  Passion  play 
The  constable  took  Salmi  Morse  away, 
Whose  features  worked  in  such  a  furious  fashion 
As  to  produce  a  noble  play  of  passion. 


The  Hon.  Ohas.  Chas.  E.  Slayback,  of  St.  Louis, 
having  publicly  accused  Ben  Butler  of  carrying 
away  from  New  Orleans  a  cofnnful  of  silver  spoons, 
that  gentleman  takes  a  seat  upon  him  thus  :  "  Un- 
less the  coffin  were  of  glass,  or  left  open,  how  could 
he  see  that  spoons  were  in  it  ?  "  I  was  in  New  Or- 
leans soon  afterward,  and  my  recollection  of  the 
matter  is  that  Mr.  Slayback,  being  one  of  the 
mourners,  reverently  unscrewed  the  coffin-lid  and 
endeavored  to  pocket  the  deceased. 


The  Giant  Powder  Company,  whose  works  at 
Berkeley  have  at  various  times  been  transformed  in 
the  twinkling  of  an  eye  from  a  group  of  substan- 
tial buildings  to  a  faint,  far  odor  of  roasted  China- 
naman,  are  considering  a  proposition  to  employ 
none  but  white  men  henceforth.  This  will  be  a 
blessed  boon  to  the  Berkeley  nostril  and  a  distinct 
advantage  to  the  cause  of  white  labor.  I  should 
like  to  recommend  a  number  of  sober,  industrious 
and  capable  men  for  employment  in  that  powder 
mill.  All  have  had  a  considerable  experience  in  the 
business,  most  of  them  having  been  repeatedly 
blown  up  in  this  paper.  For  their  names  and 
present  occupation  the  managers  of  the  works  are 
respectfully  referred  to  the  municipal  pay-rolls. 


In  thn  ll  Mardi  Gras  "  procession  last  Thursday 
evening  was  a  Roman  legion  consisting  of  three 
spindle-shanked  young  men  in  property  armor,  fol- 
lowing 1(  a  banner  with  this  strange  device  " — "  S. 
P.  Q.  R." 

"  What  the  devil  does  it  mean  ?"  asked  Harry 
Marshall,  in  his  frank,  forthright  way.  And  Paul 
Neumann,  with  the  profound  classical  erudition 
which  distinguishes  him  from  a  pupil  of  a  primary 
school,  explained  that  the  letters  stood  for  "  Sen- 
atus  Populusque  Roman  us. " 

"Thought  it  was  a  kind  of  advertisement  of  S. 


f,  Frank  1'ixley,  deep  in  grief, 
Write  this  for  my  bout's  relief. 
/>,  prqfundis  bear  me  squeak 
With  a  tear  on  either  cheek. 

Long  i've  written  and  I've  wrought 
( >n  this  lively  Argonaut, 
Worshiping  the  Golden  Calf 
Till  the  blessed  angels  laugh 
As  I  pray  before  the  shrine. 
Sometimes  prone  and  then  supine  ; 
Prostrate  now,  anon  at  ease 
Standing  manly —on  my  knees  ; 
Knocking  ever  at  the  gate 
Of  the  prosperous  and  great 
For  the  unconsidered  scraps 
That  are  thrown  to  paper-chaps  1 1 1 
Scraps,  I  mean,  of  social  news 
For  my  weekly  gossip  stews  (2). 

Diligently  I've  essayed 
All  the  dodges  of  my  trade 
To  obtain  what  well  I  know 
All  are  eager  to  bestow  (3} : - 
Pushed  reporters  through  the  hole 
Which  admits  the  winter  coal ; 
Sent  them  with  the  greatest  pains 
Down  the  chimneys,  up  the  drains  (4). 
Some  have  entered  drawing-rooms 
Boldly  liveried  as  grooms, 
Shouting  from  their  powdered  pates  : 
"  Ho  !  my  lord,  the  carriage  waits." 
Others  (these  I  greatly  prized) 
Still  more  deeply  weie  disguised, 
And  as  gentlemen  took  notes  - 
Also  hats  and  overcoats. 
Sometimes,  too,  I've  slyly  paid 
Many  a  cook  and  parlor  maid  (5) 
For  the  gossip  that  they  brought, 
To  the  noble  Argonaut. 

Labor  vain  and  vain  expense  (G) ! 
My  reporters  drowned  their  sense 
In  the  flowing  bowl's  delight, 
And  my  cooks  could  never  write. 
So  I  tried  another  plan, 
Worthy  of  a  better  man — 
Went  myself  (7)  to  get  the  news 
Such  as  ladies  can't  refuse 
And  all  gentleman  (8)  will  tell, 
■'  Give,'  I  said,  "  that  I  may  sell, 
All  the  points  you've  got  about 
Your  forthcoming  hall  or  rout," 
But,  good  land  !  they  kicked  me  out  (0) ! 

Notes.     From  the  "  Argonaut,"  Ff.ii'y  24. 

(1)  When  this  journal  was  established  one  of  its  avowed  ob- 
jects was  to  give  "  society  "  news. 

(2)  The  "Argonaut"  undertook  to  do  this  society  work— as  it 
does  everything  else— in  an  open  way.  It  has  invited  "society 
news"  from  "  society  people." 

(:i)  There  are  few  ladies  who  do  not  take  nleasure  in  having 
their  toilets  and  jewels  properly  and  modestly  described. 

(4)  The  result  is  that  the  "society  reporter"  is  compelled  to 
sneak  into  the  back  kitchen,  steal  up  the  back  stairs,  hide  in  clos- 
ets, and  become  a  spy,  in  order  to  provide  his  journal  with  "soci- 


(5)  It  has  had  from  time  to  time  in  its  paid  employ  accomplished 
and  cultured  society  ladies,  who  have  endeavored  to  do  this  work 
in  a  style  that  should  offend  none. 

((>)  It  has  met  with  all  sorts  of  embarrassments,  and  the  at- 
tempt has  been  a  failure.  The  principal  difficulty  lies  in  the  in- 
ginceritv  and  hypocrisy  of  "society  people"— in  their  affectation 
of  modesty  about  appearing  in  print,  which  they  know,  and  we 
know,  is  not  honest  nor  sincere. 

(7)  Polite  requests  by  note,  directed  to  the  giver  of  a  reception, 
for  permission  to  describe  the  entertainment,  give  the  menu,  list 
of  guests  and  noticeable  toilets,  have  been  denied  to  the  "Argo- 
naut," while  professional  reporters  of  daily  commercial  journals 
have  been  surreptitiously  admitted  to  the  house  for  the  very  pur- 
pose of  doing  that  which  the  giver  of  the  entertainment  had  not 
the  courage  to  do  openly. 

(8)  One  thing  every  journalist  who  undertakes  to  "do  "  society 
observes— viz,  those  persons  whose  positions  are  assured,  who  from 
birth,  culture  and  wealth  know  their  own  social  value,  and  feel 
confident  that  it  hangs  upon  no  doubtful  title,  are  the  most  frank 
and  open  in  communicating  to  the  public  such  events  as  are  proper 
for  the  public  to  know. 

(9)  The  failure  of  the  "Argonaut"  as  a  society  journal  is  at- 
tributable to  the  false  delicacy,  and,  we  believe,  affectation, which 

certain  "  society  people  "  assume  toward  the  press, 


the  correspondents  extraordinary  and  reporters 
plenipotentiary  of  the  San  Francisco  press  was 
provided  gratis  by  one  Pete  Dorsey  as  an  adver- 
tisement of  his  "place"  and  in  commemoration 
of  Ins  removal  to  a  better,  beoause  more  disrepu- 
table, locality.  If  this  is  so  it  marks  a  stage  of  so- 
cial degradation  in  Califomian  political  life  of 
which  even  the  recent  oleomargarine  "banquet" 
at  the  Palace  Hotel  was  an  imperfect  illustration, 
This  Pete  Dorsey  keeps,  or  kept,  at  the  corner 
of  Dupont  and  Morton  streets,  this  city,  one  of  the 
most  unspeakably  vicious  and  unthinkably  nasty 
houses  ever  patronized  by  our  gilded  youth  in  theiv 
moments  of  wildest  debasement.  I  do  not  know 
if  that  is  the  character  of  his  Sacramento  place  ; 
if  not  it  does  not  reflect  that  of  its  proprietor 
with  desirable  Hdelity  of  the  environment  to  the 
organism. 


I  am  informed  that  the  dinner  recently  given  at 
Sacramento  to  the  highest  officers  of  the  State  by 


If  the  Governor  of  the  State  and  many  of  ita 
highest  political  dignitaries  suffered  themselves  to 
be  entertained  at  the  table  of  this  incalculable  prof- 
ligate and  social  outlaw  they  may  justly  boast 
themselves  superior  to  the  most  obstinate  and  ine- 
lastic considerations  of  self-respect  that  ever  teth- 
ered a  gentleman  to  the  picket-pin  of  decency  and 
balked  his  ambitious  incursions  into  the  deadly  do- 
main of  bestial  indulgence.  The  newspaper  men 
concerned  in  these  unholy  orgies  deserve  no  special 
censure.  A  newspaper  man  is  like  a  chameleon 
gummed  by  its  own  slime  to  a  rock  in  the  shadow 
of  a  sleeping  nigger  :  he  may  struggle  to  maintain 
his  chromatic  independence  but  he  will  end  by  be- 
coming a  solid  black  and  learn  to  like  it.  Decency 
and  morality  have  to  the  newspaper  man  only  an 
objective  value  ;  they  command  his  approval  in  the 
same  way  that  a  destructive  fire  does,  or  a  broken 
show-case  of  escaping  snakes.  It  was  a  newspaper 
man  who,  being  asked  at  a  religious  revival  if  he 
did  not  feel  the  need  of  Jesus,  replied  :  "  0,  I 
have  nothing  to  do  with  it ;  I'm  a  reporter." 

A  maid  for  Mrs.  Langtry  crossed  the  ocean, 
And  editors  record  it  with  emotion. 
Restrain  your  pens,  dear  brethren  of  the  trade  : 
Who  cares  to  read  of  her  if  she's  a  maid  1 


In  a  review  of  Mr.  H.  H.  Bancroft's  latest  vol- 
ume a  writer  in  the  Bulletin   innocently  remarks  : 

Mr.  Bancroft's  readers  are  compelled  to  notice  that  his 
style  is  extremely  unequal,  and  probably  more  so  in  this 
than  in  the  previous  volume. 

True  ;  the  style  of  Mr.  Oak  is  unlike  that  of  Mr. 
Griffin,  that  of  Mr.  Liddell  has  very  little  resem- 
blance to  that  of  Mrs.  Victor,  and  that  of  Mr.  Har- 
court  is  incomparably  different  from  them  all ;  and 
through  the  whole  patchwork  the  strong  individu- 
ality of  Mr.  Bancroft  asserts  itself  like  three  heads 
of  cabbage  in  ten  square  miles  of  pansy-beds. 

This  Bulletin  person,  by  the  way,  is  more  ze  doua 
than  wise  in  his  defense  of  the  great  tradesman- 
historian.  One  of  his  recent  editorials  was  devoted 
to  the  proposition  that  a  critic  has  no  right  to  go 
behind  the  merits  of  an  author's  book  to  examine  the 
methods  of  his  work.  The  petltio  pmiulpti  is  emi- 
nently Bartlettic  and  correspondingly  charming. 
The  merits  of  the  books  published  under  the  name 
of  Mr.  Bancroft  have  had  nothing  to  do  with  the 
controversy  ;  the  only  question  raised  is— are  they 
his  work  I  His  methods  of  producing  them  are 
rather  pertinent  to  that  inquiry,  and  by  cooly  as- 
suming the  only  point  in  dispute  Mr.  Birtlett  dis- 
qualifies himself  for  the  discussion.  I  assert  and 
can  prove  that  Mr.  Bancroft  did  not  write  these 
books,  and  I  warn  Parson  Birtlett  that  if  he  does 
not  keep  his  long,  capacious  ear  out  of  the  dispute 
I  shall  spit  in  it. 


THE     WASIJ 


SATAN     AND     THE     PSALMSINGER. 


Oratorio    by    Heir  von    Tramp. 


HALLELUJAHCOX  : 


Lord,  I  pray  Thee  to  look  down 
Upon  this  awful,  wicked  town — 
This  town  of  San  Francisco,  Lord, 
Where  I've  so  often  preached  Thy  word. 

Lord,  how  often  at  North  Beach 
Have  Thou  and  Bruin  heard  me  preach  ! 
When  1  with  voice  and  gestures  hug/e-ah  ! 
Have  given  those  monkeys  hallelujah. 

\  et  now,  0  Lord,  the  scribblers  vile 
•Jibe  me  in  sarcastic  style 
Because,  because,  O  Lord,  because 
I  take  no  note  of  worldly  laws. 

Thy  kingdom  is  my  kingdom,  Lord  ; 
I  wield  Thy  law  and  Gideon's  sword. 
Though  in  the  world  I  ani  not  of  it, 
Wrapped  up  in  Thee,  I  am  above  it. 

I'm  but  a  raven  and  I  cry  : 

Feed  me,  good  Lord,  or  else  I  die. 

If  I  can  sin,  Lord,  Thou  can'st  cleanse— 

The  end  will  justify  the  means. 

Satax  [smiling  at  the  door.) 
Played  out !     Played  out !     Oh,  cheese  it,  <_V 
Give  the  poor  soldier  back  his  rocks 
And  come  witli  me.     God  knows  you  well. 
And  in  His  interest  you'll  get  h —  ! 
[Exeunt   a,,tb<>.) 

CKORU8   OF  ANGELS: 

Hail,  smiling  morn — 

Smiling  morn — 

Blow  your  horn. 

Hallelujah, 
Acknowledge  the  com. 

Nay,  nay,  nay, 

It  isn't  his  pious  way. 

Nay,  nay,  nay. 

It  isn't  his  pious  way. 

He  wouldn't  repent 
If  it  cost  him  a  cent, 
But  he'd  pray,  pray,  pray, 
Like  a  Pharisee  by  the  way, 
And  wail,  wail,  wail 
How  the  wicked  'LI  persecute, 
And  pious  acts  assail. 
But  as  soon  as  a  politic  body  gave 
The  parson  the  power  a  dime  to  save 
He  grew  very  cute  himself,  you  see, 
But  meant  no  wrong,  as  why  should  he  ? 
Twas  only  the  trick  of  qua] pro  quo — 
The  bitten  biting  the  biter,  you  know. 
The  persecutor 
Had  been  his  tutor, 
And  now  when  he  clamped  a  penny 
He  was  pursy-cuter  than  any. 

Hail,  smiling  morn- 
Smiling  morn — 

Blow  your  horn. 

Hallelujah, 
Acknowledge  the  corn. 

Nay,  nay,  nay, 

It  isn't  his  pious  way, 

Nay,  nay,  nay, 

It  isn't  his  pious  way. 
[Slowly  evanishing —fainter  and  fainter. ) 

Nay,  nay,  nay, 

It  isn't  his  pious  way. 

Loui)  Echo  by  Unseen  Satan  : 
Hey  I  Hey  !  Hey  ! 
Brethren,  let  us  pray. 
[Dead  silence.      Curtain.] 


Horn  Toad  Valley,  February  2$,  1S8S. 


-S.  O. 


irbificial  cloves  are  being  manufactured  from 
pine,  stained  skilfully  to  imitate  the  required  col- 
or. But  the  odor  cannot  be  imitated  satisfactor- 
ily. There  is  no  safety  in  an  artificial  clove  when 
a  young  man  at  the  theatre  has  been  out  to  see  a 
man"' 


THE     FINALE     OF     FINICAL     FINISH, 


ET    HENIE     JAME   HOWLS, 


A  pallid  moon,  with  just  a  suspicion  of  anhy- 
drous sesfiuioxide  of  iron  on  her  left  cheek,  rose 
over  the  dimpling  hills  of  Marin  and  looked  down 
upon  the  hamlet  of  Saucelito  with  pitying  eyes. 
The  man  in  her  swung  the  parcel  of  kindling  wood 
he  carried  from  his  "left  to  his  right  shoulder, 
crossed  his  legs,  winked  and  grinned. 

Only  a  close  student  in  analysis  could  have  de- 
tected the  conflict  in  expression  between  the  face 
of  the  Lady  Luna  and  the  form  of  the  man.  To 
the  untutored  usual  the  moon  was  merely  squint- 
ing frightfully.  But  one  man  in  Saucelito,  gazing 
with  the  inward  eye  of  the  practiced  analyst,  read 
the  fell  portent  of  that  fateful  squint  and  knew  that 
he  was  very  drunk. 

*  *  #  * 

When  Finical  Finish  rode  into  the  great  rotunda 
of  the  Saucelito  ferry,  on  the  twenty-second  of 
of  February,  1882,  he  was  as  pretty  a  member  of 
the  National  Guard  of  California  as  ever  stepped 
out  of  a  Wasp  cartoon.  The  steed  of  him  had 
been  imported  from  the  blue  grass  meadows 
of  Modesto  by  that  astute  Philip  of  the  Charter 
Oak  Stables,  Mr.  Billie  Bridges. 

In  the  ante  anon  Fourths  of  July,  and  on  like 
eventful  Twenty-seconds  of  February,  this  steed 
had  been  ridden  by  at  least  five  Major-Generals. 
Three  of  these  distinguished  military  civilians  had 
been  Republican  lawyers,  one  had  been  a  Demo- 
cratic merchant,  the  fifth  had  been  a  disfranchised 
gentleman.  Fired  by  the  inspiration  of  the  con- 
sciousness that  he,  too,  was  no  partisan,  Finical 
Finish  pressed  one  barbed  heel  against  his  charg- 
er's flank. 

In  McLellan's  cavalry  tacticB  there  is,  unhappily, 
no  provision  for  guarding  against  the  genuine  Mo- 
desto buck.  When  the  spur  struck  his  side  the 
steed  bounded  from  the  pavement  of  the  rotunda 
so  high  that  his  rider's  shoulders  nearly  touched 
the  transept  of  the  dome.  Then  he  came  down 
with  the  knotted  sinews  of  his  tense  limbs  drawn 
well  together.  The  narrow  drawbridge  leaned  in- 
vitingly over  the  yawning  tide.  The  portcullis, 
having  never  been  erected,  had  not  yet  fallen. 
The  incoming  ferry-boat  was  not  yet  income.  Had 
the  drawbridge  been  up,  had  the  portcullis  been 
down,  had  the  ferry-boat  been  in  her  slip,  this  an- 
alytic study  might  have  been  condensed  into  a 
death  notice  for  the  Call.  But  the  happy  union 
of  three  fortuities  saved  the  soldier's  life.  As  the 
charger's  feet  touched  the  tiles  of  the  rotunda  floor 
the  rider,  rebounding  from  the  saddle,  described 
one  of  those  complex  astronomical  figures  in  the 
employment  of  which  the  daily  newspapers  of  this 
city  have  a  joint  copyright  and  took  a  graceful  but 
emphatic  header  into  the  turgid  but  odorous  tide. 

*  *  *  # 

The  obtrusive  and  tiresome  incident  detailed  in 
the  foregoing  circumstantial  narrative  is  unhappily 
necessary  to  a  proper  understanding  of  Finical 
Finish.  Most  young  men  would  have  been  dis- 
couraged by  that  unpleasant  event.  Many  young 
men  would  have  gone  home  to  get  dry.  Not  so 
Finical  Finish.  He  had  been  reared  in  the  neutral 
region  between  Hayes  Valley  and  the  Western 
Addition,  and  he  belonged  to  the  Fighting  Second. 
Not  Colonel  Smedberg,  not  Colonel  Dickinson,  not 
Colonel  Meyer,  not  Colonel  Granniss— not  even 
General  Turnbull  better  understood  or  more  high- 
ly valued  the  priceless  quality  of  clean  grit  than 
he.  So  he  shut  his  teeth  hard,  came  up  smiling, 
and  was  fished  out  with  a  boat-hook. 

Perhaps,  had  he  known  that  Billa  Bell  was  to  go 
to  the  Saucelito  Clambake  and  Parade,  his  heart 
would  have  failed  him.  But  he  did  not  know  ; 
and  after  carefully  removing  his  spurs  lest  they 
should  be  tarnished,  he  remounted  his  steed  and 
took  his  position  on  the  outer  battlement  of  the 
rear  rank  of  the  outside  tile  of  the  third  detach- 
ment. And  then,  in  the  language  of  Howells,  the 
spirit  of  James  and  the  incisive  indecision  of  Mr. 
Pickering,  he  pondered. 

*  #  *  * 
Billa  Bell  sat  on  the  afterdeck  of  the  Saueelito 

in  silent  contemplation  of  her  own  serenity.  The 
day  was  fair  and  there  were  four  hundred  play  sol- 
diers on  the  lower  deck,  but  neither  propitious  cir- 
cumstance ruffled  the  cultured  calm  of  the  young 
lady's  reposeful  mood.  What  cared  she  for  the 
mere  presence  of  military  pageantry  or  the  mere 
prospect  of  a  militant  clambake?  Her  own  radiant 
eolorlessness  of  attitude  was   enough.       It  lacked 


an  hour  of  noon,  yet  she  was  at  one  with  the  day 

So  absorbed  was  this  ultra  quiet  yet  perfectlj 
Californian  young  woman  that  she  did  not  notice 
the  tall  but  somewhat  illegible  form  of  Finical  Fin- 
ish as  he  stood  before  her,  with  a  smile  playing 
about  his  darling,  downy,  charming  chin,  and  with 
his  best  leg  forward. 

"  Billa,"  he  said  in  the  deep,  resonant,  full-cheat 
tones  of  his  calling,  and  in  the  noble,  free  and 
sprightly  language  of  his  set,  "Billa,  this  is  too 
much  joy." 

She  turned  her  quiet,  questioning,  f/eiularm 
blue  eyes  full  upon  him.  The  subdued  intensity 
of  their  dumb  questioning  burned  itself  into  hffi 
memory  forever. 

"  Once  I  called  you  Finical  ;  now  I  call  you  pig." 

She  said  this  even  more  quietly  than  I  havl 
written  it.  Then  she  turned  her  back  upon  hirti 
and  gazed  wistfully  out  to  sea. 

Her  unfortunate  auditor  stood  like  one  strickeni 
Yet  when  he  regained  his  breeze  his  reply  was  noi 
less  cooly  calm  than  hers.  He  said  :  "  I  am  going 
to  get  blind,  Bella  ;  and  I  shall  miss  the  boat." 

My  proem  foreshadowed  the  denoument—  he  did, 


LONG    VISTAS     OF     GRUB. 


Among  other  magnificent  arrangements  for  the*; 
Czar's  approaching  coronation  at  Moscow,  we  area 
told  that  eleven  miles  of  tables  are  being  laid  out 
for  the  great  banquet   on  the  plain.       Now,  the 
Russians  eat  both  voraciously  and  raveningly,  as 
any  one  who   has  seen  them  at  table  will  testify. 
They  are  great  hands  at  pushing  the  dishes  about;/ 
always  helping  themselves  to  everything  in  sight,  ^ 
and  invariably  bawl  out  for  what  they  don't  see. 
Moreover,  they  are  prodigious  drinkers  and  regard} 
it  as  a  breach  of  etiquette  to  leave  the  table  sober.  I 
lTnder  these  circumstances  the  great  banquet  onl 
the  plain   is  likely  to  be  an  exceedingly  cheerful* 
and  exhilarating  repast.       When  Ivan  Ivanovitchl 
wants  to  know  where  that  turkey  is  and  discovers! 
that  it  is  four  miles  south  of  him,  with  the  gravy  I 
a  mile  or  so  behind  it,  he  is  sure  to  protest ;  andl 
when  Petrotf  Petroffsky  bawls  for  the  butter  over  j 
ten  furlongs  of  table-cloth  in  one  direction  and  bel-  j 
lows  for  the  bread  which   is  belated  a  mile  or  so  I 
in  the  other,  things  are  safe  to  grow  lively.       But 
the  circus  will  fairly  commence  when   the  toasting  ] 
begins.   Russians  do  not  indulge  much  in  set  toasts  ! 
in  which  all  join,  but  prefer  incessant  and  vouifer-  ; 
ous  hob-nobbing  with  their  immediate   neighbors,  j 
Acting  on    this  principle,    two    rows  of  Russians  ' 
facing  each  other  for  a  distance  of  eleven   milts 
are  capable  of  kicking  up  a  considerable    racket, 
especially  when    the  vodka  begins  to  work  warm-  ] 
ingly.      Altogether,  the  field  will  strongly  resemble 
t-hat  of  Plevna,  both  during  action  and  afterwards, 
for  your  true  Russian   always  winds  up  a  carouse 
either  by  fighting  over  the  table  or  slipping,  dead 
drunk,  under  it.     Really,  this  will  be  a  very  pleas- 
ant Sunday-school  picnic,  and  a  goodly  tea-party 
to  be  absent  from. 


FOR 
Asthma,  Coughs, 

Colds,  Croup,  In- 
lliu-itza,  Bronchitis,  J 
Catarrh,  Mlioopiit"^ 
Cougli,  Loss  or  Voice.  Incipient  Consumption,  and  a 
Throat  and  Lung  Troubles. 
In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOR    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    NO     OTHER.         Price,    30    Cents. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Prop'rs. 

417  Saiisome  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  i ■'. 


THE    WASP. 


REMOVAL. 
The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
has  removed  to  the  corner  of   Kearny  aud  Geary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


A  NOTED  BCT  TTNTITIiED  WOAIAN. 

[From  tho  Boston  Qlobcl 


Messrs.  Editors  .— 

The  above  is  a  good  likeness  of  Mrs.  Lydin  E.  Pink- 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mass.,  who  above  all  other  human  beings 
may  be  truthfully  called,  the  "Dear  Friend  of  Woman," 
as  some  of  her  correspondents  love  to  call  her.  She 
Is  aealously  devoted  to  her  work,  which  is  the  outcome 
of  a  life-study,  and  Is  obliged  to  keep  six  lady 
assistants,  to  help  her  answer  the  large  correspondence 
which  dally  pours  in  upon  her,  each  bearing  its  special 
burden  of  suffering,  or  joy  at  release  from  it.  Her 
Vegetable  Compound  is  a  medicine  for  good  and  noj 
evil  purposes.  I  have  personally  Investigated  it  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

On  account  of  its  proven  merits.  It  Is  recommended 
and  prescribed  by  the  best  physicians  In  the  country. 
One  BayB ;  "  It  works  like  a  charm  and  saves  much 
pain.  It  will  cure  entirely  the  worst  form  of  falling 
of  the  uterus,  Leueorrhoea,  Irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation,  all  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
Ulceration,  FloodlngB,  all  Displacements  and  the  con- 
sequent spinal  weakness,  and  is  especially  adapted  to 
the  Change  of  Life." 

It  permeates  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  vigor.  It  removes  faintness,  flatulency, 
destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervous  Prostration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Depression  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down,  cansing  pain,  weight  and  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  It  will  at  all  times,  and 
under  all  circumstances,  act  in  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  $1.  per  bottle  or  six  for  $5.,  and  is  sold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  requiredas  to  special  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  stomp  for  reply, 
at  her  home  in  Lynn,  Moss. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compoundis 
unsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonials  show. 

"Mrs.  Pinkham's  Liver  Pills,"  says  one  writer,  "are 
the  best  in  the  world  for  the  cure  of  Constipation, 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  liver.  Her  Blood 
Purifier  works  wonders  in  its  special  line  and  bids  fait 
to  equal  theCompound"  in  its  popularity. 

All  mustarespect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  is  to  do  good  to  others. 
Philadelphia,  Pa.  (2)  Mrs.  A.  M.  D. 


33T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $=,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.  D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 


KIDNEY- WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  thin  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  "Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
Oil  EC  THIS  distressing  a 
■  ■  ■■  &O  ■  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kin  da  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
42-    t3TIf  you  have  either  of  theso  troubles 

PRICE  SI.  I  USE   I    D 


zists  Sell 


KIDNEY- WORT 


$72 


A  WEEK.     $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

«^TRY  PFUNDER'S 


Recommended  bythe  Faculty 
TAR  RANT'  S 

COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

—  OF   — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TAKE  ANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
Ivew  York.  JTor  Sale  By  Ail  Druggists. 


TO     THE      UJVIFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

/^iOQ  KEABNY  STREET,  BAN 

O  *U  Francisco— Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseaaea  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not -fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hoB- 
pitals  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
.valuable  information,  which  he  ia 
^■^  •'  -■'..  l/U  ,')■"'■  HjH^jEjKS^ competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
^$Jtpw3M8ggCT^B^of  his  aervices.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
\5^oK!S!Sa^oS5S§SSs^5 make  no  charge  unless  Lie  effects  s 
cure.  PersonB  at  a  distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  you  Baw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


H.  R.  Macfarlane. 


Geo.  W.  Macfarlane. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIRE-PROOF     111  II  KIN..  52    QUEEK     STREET, 

Honolulu.  Hawaiian  Islands. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  S5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


PEHNYROYAL  Pltlftafftfisg 

ThoCaacaraMfg  Co.  2313  Madison  Square^  Phil  a"  Pa 


ertnln 


m 


& 


Cures  ail  pains:  nice  m   ns e : 

ICII«iii:.«  .1  CO.,  Druggists,  Sail  Jose,  California. 


CONSUMPTION 

worst  kind  and  ol  lon^sttindlnR  have  boon  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
Ib  myfalth  In  itsefllcncy,  that  I  will  ncnd  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  nn  this  ilWase,  to  imv  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCDM,  181  Pearl  St.    N  Y 


I  have  a  positive  re« 
aedy  for  the  above  ills- 
aso  ;  by  its  use  thous- 
nds  of   et 


DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


Morris  &   Kennedy. 

19  and  21  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


Cuarles  W.  Freeman  Vincent  A.  Torras 

TORRAS   &    FREEMAN, 

Successors  to  John  Wallace  &  Co. 

BOOK   AND    JOB 

Printers 

419   Sacramento    Street, 

Below  Sansome San  Francisco 

Printing:  in  Spanish,  French,  Italian  and 
Russian  a  specialt}'. 


AKE   HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 


House   Decorating  Done  in  the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  Street- 

WINOOWJSHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    Ok   COLOR. 


1 20 
222 


BUeH     BTl-iEET 


224 
22S 


The    Largest    Stools:— The    Latest    Styles, 


CALL   A1SD    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


**4Nu 


F4CTURING    C0^p 


fxttf 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


AN  UNEXlJ 

"She   Could    Not  Help  Noticing    Hell 


___ 


SITUATION. 

er  Grandmother  Seemed  to  be   Altered.', 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS-BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  JtSThe  most  extensive  estabhshmentonthe 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  S8  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  & 11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  §5.  Board,  per  week,  S4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  43"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


D 


CLAUSS    &  WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  BottliDg  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

R  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
I  creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach,  tr  No  family  should  be  without  it  Wil- 
cox Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  ol 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INEALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^"Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Euchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco.     ^- 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  KECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  to  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  US  His  Califobnia 
Rheumatic  Core  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  bac- 
ramento,  Cal. 


GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Stron»  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm" Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
43- One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  ffWateh  repairing  a  specialty. 
Ca>e  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White  s 
■  Organs  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
2@~  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     US' A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  S&  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,.  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2. 50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 


THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  aSThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price"— goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


fl»E   +r\   d> Oil  P«  d«-  at  home.    Samples  worth  So  free. 
Jj)0    HJ   jftZU  Address  8T1NSOS  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


■_':.{■  '-VH'ENJtV    Trt.TJEN/.  '■'"/:','.■ 

HENRY  AHRENS.J^v.    TH.KBOffSTEl-. 


•t4-2.Gi^ I434-.  ^.,'^:"PIN£5T NEAS  POL^ 


t^MWSCkwv 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR,  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BTTRNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     B&  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  §5  to  S6.  Per  day,  §1  to  §1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £5T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  68T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  2S0  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  AVines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  83T  Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up -capital,  8500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  "f  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton,  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'..  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the, skin_soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands;  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
infancy  goods..'*   - 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  C.  Hushes, 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.  Merchant.  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


SPRING  1S83. 
As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money ;  81  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L,  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

The  only  iron  preparation  that  does  not  color  the  teeth, 
and  will  not  cause  headache  or  constipation,  as  other  iron 
preparations  will,  is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 

*A11  ladies  who  may  be  troubled  with  nervous  prostra- 
tion, who  suffer  from  organic  displacement ;  who  have  a 
sense  of  weariness  and  a  feeling  of  lassitude;  who  are 
languid  in  the  morning  ;  in  whom  the  appetite  for  food  is 
capricious  and  sleep  at  proper  hours  uncertain,  should 
have  recourse  to  Mrs.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco, 


3  O    DAYS'    TRIAL    FREE  ! 

We  send  free  on  30  days'  trial  Dr.  Dye's  Electro-Voltaic 
Belts  and  other  electric  appliances  to  Men  suffering 
from  Nervous  Debility,  Lost  Vitality  and  Kindred 
Troubles.  AJso  for  Ulieaiinialism,  Liver  and  Kidney 
Troubles,  and  many  other  diseases.  Speedy  Lures  guaran- 
teed.    Illustrated  pamphlets  free.     Address 

VOLTAIC  BELT  CO.,  Marshall,  11  ich. 

STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


(Thi9  Engraving  represents  the  Lungs  Id  a  healthy  state. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 
Coadis,  Colds, 
Croup: 

And  Other  Throat  and   Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  I 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybodv  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. —Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  aU  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it   has  No  Equal. 

FOE  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &   MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 


I  CURE  FITS 


When  I  say  cure,  I  do  not  mean 
merely  to  stop  them  for  a  time  and 
then  have  them  return  again,  I 
mean  a  radical  cure.  I  have  made 

the  disease  of  FITS,  EPILEPSY  or  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  lifelong 
study.  1  warrant  my  remedy  tocure  the  worst  cases.  Because  others 
have  railed  is  no  reason  for  not  now  receiving  a  cure.  Send  at  once 
for  a  treatise  itud  a  Free  Bottle  of  mv  infallible  remedy.  Give  Express 
and  Post  Office.  It  costs  yon  nothlnsr  for  a  trial,  and  I  will  cure  you. 
Address  Dr.  H.  G.  ROOT,  183  Pearl  Street,  New  York. 


THE     WASP. 


11 


A     SHORT    SUGGESTIVE     SERMON. 


"  Si, iiilm    similibua   curaniu i 
What  to  do  with  the  Chinese,  not  only  in  Amer- 
ica ami  Australia  but  in  the  Chinese   Empire,  is  a 
great  question  for  which  there  lias  heretofore  been 
no  acceptable  big  answer. 

Now  cornea  an  Austrian  savant,  Dr.  Eniiii,  after 
a  prolonged  residence  in  Egypt,  varied  with  ex- 
tended travel  into  tlie  "  Darky  land"  up  the  Nile, 
and  he  says  the  way  to  destroy  the  trade  in  slaves, 
carried  on  by  the  heathen  darkies  in  equatorial 
Africa,  is  0.  invite  the   Chinese   to  colonize  thai 

i ntry.      Bully  for  Dr.    Emit).      If  the  Chinese 

will  only  go  to  Africa-  Amen.  It  solves  the  whole 
difficulty. 

Christian  theorists  and  orthodox  creedologists 
have  for  a  lorg  time  held  that  Noah's  son  Japhet, 
fathers  the  the  European  and  Western  Asiatic— 
mi  what  we  designate  as  "whites";  that  Noahs 
second  son,  Shem,  fathers  the  American  Indian, 
Mongolian,  etc.,  or  what  we  call  "  eopper  colors  "; 
that  Hani  — the  irreverent  Ham,  who  is  tradition- 
ally said  to  have  sung  when  his  father,  Noah,  was 
on  a  post-diluvian  drunk —  : 

"  Oh,  ray  name  it  is  Ham 
And  I  don't  care  a  damn  ; 
I'd  as  lief  he  a  nigger  aa  a  puor  white  man. " 

Hani  is  credited  with  being  the  progenitor  of  the 
wooly-heads.  or  true  Africans. 

In  the  Holy  Bible  it  is  written  that  Japhet  shall 
dwell  in  the  tents  of  Shem  and  that  Ham  shall  lie 
his  (.laphet's)  servant.  Now  if  the  Indian  is  Shem 
of  course  we  are,  by  usurping  the  North  American 
continent,  emphatically  in  Shem's  tent.  If  the 
Chinaman  is  also  a  variety  of  Shem  then,  if  the 
Scripture  must  be  "true  thougtuevery  man  a  liar," 
the  quarrel  begun  in  California  between  the  whites 
and  the  Chines  must  culminate  in  "  white  "  occu- 
pation of  China;  just  as  the  quarrel  between  the 
whites  and  Indians  culminated  in  the  "white" 
occupation  of  America. 

In  the  event  that  it  is  our  Biblical  destiny  to 
occupy  China  in  order  that  the  Scriptures  may  be 
fulfilled  when  Japhet  dwells  in  the  tents  of  Shem, 
then  the  Chinese  will  have  no  choice  but  to  go  to 
Africa  and  put  Dr.  Emin's  end  to  the  slave  trade. 

Then,  when  the  Chinaman  shall  have  occupied 
and  sort  of  half-pacified  Africa  by  grubbing  out 
the  brush  and  eating  up  the  reptiles,  we  can  follow 
him  (as  Japhet)  and  dwell  again  "  in  the  tents  of 
Shem,"  Ham  (the  negro)  being  our  servant  as  well  as 
the  servant  of  Shem — for  it  is  written  ;  "  the  ser- 
vant of  servants  shall  he  be." 

Here  is  a  text  and  an  opening  to  preach  a  far- 
reaching  and  what  Charley  O'Neil  used  to  call  "a 
h  -    snortin' sermon."  Solomon  Olijstome. 

P.  S.  The  above  is  respectfully  submitted  to 
the  Social  Science  Society,  to  be  Hied  among  its 
ethnological  archives.  I ).  S. 

Jin, -,i  Tumi  Valley,  March  J,  1883. 


THE     NAUGHTY     BAD     MAN 


J  le  is  from  Arizona.  You  can  tell  that  by  his  dis- 
position to  pay  the  elevator-boy,  and  his  undis- 
guised admiration  for  the  free-lunch  counters, 
"  where  they  just  give  grub  away."  Talk?  Well, 
if  his  fellow-citizens  in  the  wretched  mining  camp 
of  Pizen  Pup  could  listen  to  his  glowing  descrip- 
tion of  that  metropolis  they  wouldn't  recognize  it. 
That  their  surroundings  of  chaparral  and  grease- 
wood,  tarantulas  and  bones  could  be  called  "  grand 
scenery,"  or  their  acres  of  barren  quartz  "  wonder- 
ful mineral  wealth,"  by  this  long-haired  represent- 
ative, is  a  fable  which  surpasses  even  their  con- 
ception of  lying  as  a  fine  art.  Hailing,  as  he  never 
fails  to  state,  from  the  "land  of  silver,"  he  is 
rather  disposed  to  sniff  at  the  humble  village  of 
San  Francisco  and  its  disgustingly  peaceable  in- 
habitants. He  is  of  the  opinion  that  they  are  poor, 
spiritless  creatures,  utterly  wanting  in  the  ren-e  and 
dash  of  frontiersmen,  who  are  men;  who  live  upon 
excitement,  and  find  life  insupportable  with- 
out a  private  graveyard.  In  Arizona,  he  says, 
they  pray,  "  Give  us  our  daily  homicide,"  and  no 
man  is  respected  or  venerated  until  he  has  shot, 
cut,  stabbed,  gouged  or  otherwise  maltreated  some 
of  his  neighbors. 

If  the  naughty  man  has  money  enough  to  make 
people  believe  his  stories  of  silver  mines  and  fu- 
ture fabulous  wealth,  he  is  sometimes  invited  to 
dinners  or  "informal  gatherings"  by  prudent 
papas,  and  here  he  is  much  admired  by  young  la- 
dies, who  call  him  an    "  original,  "([and  shudder  at 


his  tales  of  bloodshed,  or  sympathize  when  he  be- 

J a  gloomily  remorseful  over  the  many  corpses 

in  Ins  grs  ■  |  ii  »  on  ill.-  frontier.  This  he  takes 
care  t..  do  whenever  practicable,  and  the  little 
dears  think  him  "melancholy,  but  so  interesting, 
Or  he  exhibits  an  infantile  cannon  which  lie  car- 
ries, and  after  soothing  a  chorusof  little  screams, 
says  he  is  not  bo  expert  therewith  as  some,  but  he 
uses  it  to  drive  tacks  in  the  ceiling  which  are  out 
of  reach  :  just  lies  (true)  on  the  Moor  and  nails 
the  paper  on  the  wall  by  shooting  at  each  tack. 
Then  ho  shows  them  a  scaron  his  face  from  an 
Apache  bullet.  Down  in.  Pizen  Pup  they  say  he 
got  it  by  running  against  a  telegraph  pole  when 
inebriated,  but  there  is  no  one  here  to  contradict, 
so  he  is  pitied  and  praised  by  some  femininny  who 
thinks  "society  men  are  so  effeminate." 

At  home  the  naughty  bad  man  is  a  different  be- 
ing. He  prospects  about  three  days  out  of  the 
month  and  devotes  the  other  twenty-seven  to 
"speculating  in  mines  " — Awjlke,  loafing.  Al- 
ways drinks  when  asked,  and  is  quite  inoffensive 
and  harmless.  He  plays  a  good  game  of  pedro, 
and  was  never  known  to  tight  anybody  or  find  any 
mines.  He  is  very  respectful  to  the  rampant  cow- 
boy for  two  reasons—fear  of  being  shot,  or  of  not 
being  asked  to  drink  by  that  worthy,  after  whom 
he  copies  when  abroad.  Should  he  escape  the 
playful  bullet  he  degenerates  under  the  effects  of 
the  frontier  whisky  into  what  the  miners  call  a 
"chronic."  and  tells  his  time-honored  "silver  mine" 
lies  so  often  that  he  comes  to  believe  them  himself. 

So  "ends  this  strange,  eventful  history.1' 

Bvsshe. 


NEWS    01     THE    WEEK, 


Settlement  of  the  Pioche  estate  :  one  fourth  to 
the  legatees,  one  fourth  to  the  creditors,  one  fourth 
to  the  lawyers,  one  fourth  to  the  court.  The  re- 
mainder will  be  given  to  the  poor. Two   little 

lovers  of  one  little  maid ;  meeting  on  Kearny 
street, — hot  fusilade.  Two  little  lovers  compro- 
mise their  broil.  Two  little  tumblers, — hot  fusel 
oil.       Uncharitable    contractors  refuse  to  furnish 

the  city  with  supplies.      And  it  an  orphan  ! 

"  Tacoma  "  investigation  proves  the  ship  to  have 
been  unluiidwoithy. Seasonable  book  for  mu- 
nicipal reading  :  "  How  to  Live  on  Ten  Cents  a 

Day." Beastly  hot,  don't  it? Charges  against 

a  city  official.  What  I The  local  poets  con- 
tinue to  lose  their  Darling  Frankies. Artist  shot 

hisself.     Thanks. Oakland  does  not  swerve  an 

inch  from   her  course  of  crime.      Be  a  shower  of 

fire  and  brimstone  over  there  pretty  soon. No 

street  lights  for  nothing,  quoth  the  gas  company. 
"  Thy  hand,  great  Anarch,  lets  the  curtain  fall, 
And  universal  darkness  covers  all."  Street-car  driv- 
ers can  hardly  see  to  run  over  belated  pedestrians. 

■ — No  more  street-sweeping.  The  inmates  of  the 
jail  and  house  of  correction  say  that  they  would 
do  it  but  the  authorities  might  not  like  it.  Be- 
sides, they  are  afraid  the  Supervisors  might  steal 

the  balls  and  chains  off  their  legs. Dead  Bella 

Cook.      Remember? "The     Merry    War"- 

Spring  Valley  rs.  Everybody. Assorted  felonies. 

Feller  shot  another.     Emotional  carelessness. 

— Barber  thrashed  two  hoodlums,  with  never  a 

break  in  the  flow  of  his  monologue. The  San 

Francisco   Reduction   Works — The  City  Hall. 

Baths  are  being  added  t"  the  Young  Men's  Chris- 
tian Association  Rooms.      Hot  and  cold  blood-o'- 

the-Lamb  always    turned  on. Forty  Mormons 

arrived,  on  pleasure  bent,  causing  a  flutter  in  dim- 
ity.    Be  quiet,  girls  ;    they  won't  bite  unless  you 

bite  first. He  stole  a  church-seal,  James  O'Con- 

nell  did.  "fwas  good,  he  said,  to  stamp  his  coffin- 
lid.  He  never  got  a  coffin,  bless  his  eyes  !  They 
nailed  him  in  a  pawnshop,  with  his  prize. Nan- 
nie Hook  wants  to  be  unhooked  from  Elijah  of  that 

ilk. Mike  de   Young  has   told  a  truth. The 

truth  that  Mike  de  Young  told  has  been  traced  to 
the  devil.  Mike  repeated  it  in  order  to  de- 
ceive a  man  who  wouldn't  believe  anything  he 
aaid. Sacramento  chap  committed  suicide  be- 
cause his  health  compelled  him  to  live  there  and 
he  was  only  eighty-one  years  old.      The  outlook 

was  too  gloomy. San  Bernardino  wives  won't 

do.     When  their  husbands  murder  other  women 

they  tell. The  National  Guard  want  a  suitable 

shooting-range.  One  with  plenty  of  cover,  where 
they  can   sneak  up  real  close  to  the  targets  and 

shoot  'em  in  the  back,  preferred. The  fraternal 

societies  have  all  appointed  a  Grand  Worthy  Cus- 
todian of  Paw  Beefsteaks  for  Black  Eyes.  He 
was  rendered  necessary  by  the  custom  of  two  fra- 


ternal societies  holding  their  Sublime  Conclaves 
in  the  same  Temple  of  Concord-  Soemn  News  ; 
Elegant  funeral  on  Shipley  street. 


A     BAD     STORY, 


\  atory  is  revived  of  ,-,  worthy  ininietei  who 
once  lived  in  Marin  county.  As  it  is  not  over- 
delicate  we  caution  the  public  against  reading  what, 
follows 

The  clergyman,  whom  we  will  call  the  Rev.  Josh- 
ua Hornblower,  rode  outonedayto  visit  his  parish- 
ioners, On  his  tour  he  stopped  at  a  house  where  a 
hog  had  been  butchered.  Being  of  a  speculative 
disposition  the  parson  entered  into  negotiations 
for  the  animal's  insides,  which  he  needed  for  sau- 
sage casings.  Tho  bargain  was  consummated,  the 
farmer  agreeing  to  deliver  the  goods  that  evening. 
The  minister  then  proceeded  on  his  way.  He  vis 
sted  an  unusually  large  number  of  sick  sisters  and 
was  finally  prevailed  upon  to  diue  with  one.  Thus 
it  was  that  he  happened  lo  be  out  long  after  his  ac- 
customed hour  for  returning  home. 

Mrs.  Hornblower  was  a  singularly  nervous  wo- 
man. Whenever  Joshua  was  irregular  in  his  hab- 
its, which  was  very  seldom,  she  immediately 
jumped  at  the  conclusion  that  he  had  been  cruelly 
murdered.  As  the  hours  slipped  by  on  this  par- 
ticular evening  the  good  lady  became  perfectly 
frantic.  At  eight  o'clock  the  neighbors  were 
alarmed  -that  is,  they  were  notified  of  the  divine's 
absence,  and  two  or  three  actually  started  to 
hunt  him  up.  At  last,  about  nine  o'clock,  a  knock 
came  at  the  door.  The  anxious  wife  rushed  to 
open  it.  A  rustic  was  standing  outside,  who  placed 
a  tin  pan  in  her  trembling  hands,  simply  saying  : 

"Here's  the  parson's  guts.  ' 

The  feelings  of  the  poor  woman  as  she  received 
what  she  supposed  were  the  entrails  of  her  hus- 
band can  better  be  imagined  than  described. —  Ma- 
rin Tocsin. 


SOME    ADVERTISING    PAMPHLETS. 


The  South  Pacific  Railroad  Company  (narrow  gauge) 
has  issued  a  neat  "  List  <>f  Hotels,  Boarding-houses  and 
hxcursion  Grounds  '  along  the  fine  of  its  road,  with  names 
and  postoffice  addresses  of  the  proprietors.  These  lists 
are  for  free  distribution,  and  with  "folders"  descriptive 
of  the  road,  time  tables,  rates  of  fare,  etc,  can  be  obtain- 
ed by  application  at  any  of  the  <  'ninpany's  offices,  or  at 
222  Montgomery  street  or  at  the  passenger  station  foot  of 
Market  street  (south  side),  San  Francisco.  The  various 
places  of  interest  along  the  South  Pacific  Road  are  un- 
rivaled in  attraction.  Santa  Cruz,  the  Big  Tree  Grove 
and  the  Santa  Cruz  Mountains  are  admirable  excursion 
places  for  campers  and  health  seekers,  ami  there  are 
many  others  equally  attractive.  The  Company  makes 
special  contracts  with  excursionists  at  low  rates,  through 
Mr.  R.  M.  Garratt.  General  Freight  and  Ticket  Agent, 
at  the  general  office. 

The  Charles  A.  Vogeler  Company,  Baltimore,  have 
published  "The  St  Jacobs  Oil  Family  Calendar  for 
1883  t  and  Book  of  Health  and  Humor  for  the  Million." 
It  is  in  illuminated  covers,  with  original  illustrations  by 
good  artists.  Its  literary  contents  consist  of  articles 
specially  written  for  it  by  the  principal  humorists  of  the 
United  States.  The  book  is  for  gratuitous  distribution 
and  if  anybody  ever  issued  a  better  nothing's- worth  than 
this  we  have  not  had  the  advantage  of  getting  hold  of  it. 
While  the  extraordinary  merits  of  St.  Jacobs  Oil  are  men- 
tioned with  seasonable  insistence,  nearly  the  whole  book 
is  taken  up  with  the  funniest  collection  of  stories,  verses 
ami  pictures  that  we  know.  We  do  not  understand  how 
the  St.  Jacobs  Gil  people  can  afford  to  "medicine  us  with 
laughter  "  for  nothing,  while  selling  a  more  expensive 
remedy. 

The  prettiest,  and  one  of  the  most  useful,  of  these  little 
advertising  gifts  is  issued  by  the  Baltimore  >x  <  tliio  Rail- 
road, entitled  "How  'Twas  Done — .Special  Edition  B.  k 
O.  Bed  Bo  >k."  It  sets  forth  the  charms  and  advantages 
of  that  railroad  rather  exhaustively,  but  in  addition  it 
gives  complete  lists  of  the  Senate  and  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives, with  tables  showing  the  party  vote  of  every 
county  of  tile  Union  in  the  two  elections  ..f  187G  an. I    ISSl'. 

"  The  Illustrated  Year  Book"  of  Jenkins  \  Thomas  is 
a  beautiful  almanac  in  a  splendid  criinsoii-and-brniize 
cover,  full  of  admirable  wood  engravings  and  all  manner 
of  useful  information.  Really,  these  are  the  days  of 
pleasant  things  in  gratis  ait  and  free  reading. 

Messrs.  J.  R.  Gates  &  <'...,  .h-uggists,  417  Siuisorao 
Btreet,  are  the  proprietors  of  flail's  Pulmonary  Balsam 
for  the  cure  of  asthma,  coughs,  colds,  etc.  ft  has  a  good 
reputation. 

The  old  established  lino  of  Moore,  Hunt  .V  Co.,  417 
and  II'1  Market  street,  are  the  sole  agents  for  the  Pacific 
Coast  of  the  suoerior   "Jesse   Moore   Whiskey."    They 

have  just  received  a  large  shipment  direct  from  Kentucky. 


12 


THE       WASP- 


VAGARY. 

I  wandered  by  the  sea, 

In  a  dream  of  dreams  come  true, 
And  a  lover  came  to  woo. 

Strange  Rifts  he  brought  to  me  : 
A  cup  of  grave-caught  dew, 
A  fillet  of  frozen  rue. 

And  I  dreamed  my  dream  might  be 
The  wraith  of  a  faith  untrue. 
I  woke — and  my  lover  was  you. 

— Alfred  Hardie. 
San  Francisco,  Feb.  27,  1883. 


THE     LITTLE     GAME     OF    GAS, 


Some  months  ago  we  mentioned  that  negotia- 
tions were  afoot  between  the  old  and  new  gas  com- 
panies, looking  to  the  inevitable  consolidation. 
Nothing  came  of  the  negotiations,  Mr.  Condict,  the 
president,  representing  large  Eastern  interests  that 
declined  to  "assimilate."  Now  there  has  been  a 
new  deal  in  officers.  Mr,  Condict  and  the  secre- 
tary, Mr.  Burling,  are  both  our,  and  the  new  pres- 
ident, Mr.  Charles  McLaughlin,  is  raising  the  old 
Harry  on  his  watch.  Change  is  the  order  and  dis- 
order of  thfl  day.  Discharges  of  employees  have 
followed  one  another  in  bewildering  succession. 
Engineers  at  the  works  have  been  fired  out  and 
firemen  engineered  in.  There  is  trouble  all  round, 
except  in  the  serene  Olympian  altitude  where  Jove 
McLaughlin  sits  and  hurls  his  blazing  thunderbolts. 
What  does  it  all  mean?  What  thing  would  this 
downy  old  bird  be  at  '? — and  why  would  he  be  at 
that  thing? 

Sing  a  song  o"  sixpence, 

Pocket  full  of  rye  ; 
Twenty-four  stockholders 

Frozen — 0  me  eye  ! 

When  the  stiffs  were  buried 

The  stock  began  to  spring. 
O  wasn't  that  a  dainty  game 

To  play  within  a  ring  ? 


HARRISON    AND,     INCIDENTALLY,    FOOTE. 


Mr.  R.  J.  Harrison  is  crowding  the  Railroad  as 
hard  as  he  can.  So  far,  he  has  been  un- 
able to  make  head  against  the  determination 
of  the  Commissioners  to  do  nothing,  but 
this  at  least  he  has  accomplished— compelled  the 
counsel  and  agents  of  the  Railroad  definitively  to 
abandon  their  last  hope  of  heaven  in  the  endeavor 
to  refute  his  arguments  and  disprove  his  statement 
of  facts.  This  is  a  point  gained  :  we  shall  not  have 
to  meet  them  in  the  New  Jerusalem,  and  the  gold- 
en pavement  will  remain  intact.  By  the  way,  has 
Commissioner  Foote  forgotten  the  distinct  pledge  he 
made  to  present  and  urge  at  each  and  every  meeting 
of  the  Board  a  resolution  for  the  reduction  of  fares 
and  freights  ?  We  remember  that  the  demand 
upon  him  to  do  so  was  made  the  text  of  one  of  the 
most  masterly  letters  on  the  subject  that  he  wrote 
during  the  canvass.  What  has  become  of  the  res- 
olution which,  in  fulfilment  of  his  pledge  he  in- 
troduced at  the  first  meeting  ?  There  are,  no 
doubt  all  manner  of  entirely  cogent  reasons  for 
his  not  repeatedly  calling  it  up  and  urging  its  im- 
mediate adoption  ;  but  there  is  at  least  one  why 
he  should  do  so  :  he  promised  to.  We  note  a  ten- 
dency to  consider  Mr.  Foote  as  having  "fallen 
down."  As  an  assurance  that  he  still  retains  "  the 
godlike  attitude  of  freedom  and  a  man,'1  the  iter- 
ated introduction  of  that  resolution  would  have 
the  effect  that  it  doubtless  was  intended  to  have. 
Mr.  Foote  cannot  afford  to  forego  that  advantage. 


THE     WATER     WAR. 


The  matter  of  the  injunction  of  the  Board  of  Su- 
pervisors by  the  Spring  Valley  Water  Works  is 
undecided  as  our  paper  goes  to  press.  It  is  im- 
possible to  foresee  what  shape  this  useless  and  dis- 
agreeable quarrel  will  assume  next.  One  shape  it 
must  not  assume  again — that  of  shutting  off  the 
water.  In  doing  this  the  company  committed  a 
grave  error,  one  which  arrayed  against  it  many  ele- 
ments of  the  population  that  had  been  friendly  or 
neutral.  The  notion  that  any  kind  of  legal  rights 
is  going  to  stand  against  the  moral  right  of  the 
people  to  water  is  the  wildest  and  most  dangerous 


nonsense.  Surely  the  company's  counsel  cannot 
seriously  think  that  the  husbands  of  women  and  fa- 
thers of  children  will  await  the  slow  processes  of 
the  law  if  their  wives  and  little  ones  suffer  from 
thirst.  Of  course  the  company  did  not  proceed  to 
that  extreme,  but  it  suggested  it  in  a  way  that 
made  it  no  friends,  strengthened  the  hands  of  its 
enemies  and  recruited  their  ranks.  In  view  of  the 
prospect  of  a  dry  season  there  must  in  any  case  be 
economy  in  the  use  of  the  water  ;  but  that  which 
may  be  done  for  economy  may  be  both  improper 
and  unsafe  to  do  for  admonition  or  revenge. 


THE     LOAN      DODGE. 


It  is  to  be  hoped  that  the  Legislature  will  not 
tolerate  any  nonsense  coming  from  San  Francisco 
about  a  proposition  to  issue  city  bonds  for  $500,- 
000  or  any  other  sum.  In  asking  the  Legislature 
for  authority  to  submit  such  a  proposition  to  the 
people  the  Supervisors  did  a  very  foolish  thing.  It 
is  certain  that  the  people  would  vote  no.  It  is 
all  very  well  for  the  Supervisors  to  say  they  cannot 
conduct  the  city  government  without  money.  They 
can  let.  it  alone,  then  ;  and  if  our  old  acquaintance 
Bankruptcy  shall  beg  to  present  his  friends  An- 
archy and  Desolation  their  unwelcome  intrusion  will 
be  the  most  salutarj'  lesson  we  have  ever  received. 
If  any  money  is  borrowed  to  replace  that  stolen  by 
former  officials  the  present  lot  will  steal  that.  It 
is  for  that  purpose  that  they  wish  to  borrow  it. 
The  Legislature  should  promptly  decline  to  inter- 
fere to  save  San  Francisco  from  the  consequence 
of  her  own  apathy,  corruption  and  inability  to  per- 
form so  simple  a  function  as  that  of  local  govern- 
ment. 

Supervisor  Fleet  Strother's  resolution  to  trans- 
fer $500,000  from  the  sinking  fund  to  the  general 
fund  in  order  that  he  and  his  confreres  may  get 
their  arms  into  it5  is  charming.  No  doubt  it  would 
enable  us  to  tide  over  this  deficit,  but  what  would 
enable  us  to  tide  over  the  one  caused  by  its  trans- 
fer? Another  transfer  of  the  remaining  half-mil- 
lion ?  Legal  or  not  legal,  the  tiling  is  idiotic.  We 
deeply  sympathize  with  the  new  city  officials  who 
came  into  office  with  expectant  pockets  and  found 
empty  coffers,  but  they  must  endure  their  lot  as 
best  they  can,  softening  it  by  execrating  the  greed 
of  their  predecessors  which  has  made  their  own  a 
vain  appetite.  The  people,  we  think,  have  made 
up  their  minds  on  this  matter.  Having  apathetic- 
ally permitted  their  overcoat  pocket  to  be  picked 
they  are  not  going  to  replenish  it  from  the  inside 
pocket  of  their  waistcoat — not  in  the  presence  of 
Mr.  Strother. 


Six  women  came  into  the  street  car. 

Six  gentlemen  gave  them  seats. 
They  had  come  on  their  twelve  pretty  feet  far; 

They  were  weary,  this  parcel  of  sweets. 
Yet  not  so  much  as  a  smile  of  thanks 
Flashed  along  their  embattled  ranks. 

But  a  little  girl  sat  in  a  corner 
And  took  in  the  scene  at  a  glance. 

She  Mushed,  this  unripe  reformer, 
And  said,  with  her  eyes  askance  : 
'  Why,  ladies  !  surely  you  have  forgot 

To  thank  the  gentlemen,  have  you  not?" 


All  the  bills  introduced  into  the  Nevada  Legisla- 
ture to  "regulate  the  railroads"  have  been  de- 
feated by  the  golden  arguments  of  St.  Chrysostom 
Stanford,  and  the  battle-born  sister-commonwealth 
—the  land  of  the  <(  sham  rock  and  liar,"  as  John 
B.  Felton  called  it — will  continue  its  placid  career 
toward  the  demnition  bow-wows  as  a  dependency 
of  Nob  Hill.  What  other  result  could  have  been 
expected  from  a  set  of  men  too  poor  to  buy  any 
higher  political  dignity  than  a  seat  in  the  "  halls 
of  legislation"  of  the  war-measure  State,  and  too 
ambitious  to  be  satisfied  with  anything  less  than 
the  means  to  go  to  the  national  Senate.  When 
they  shall  all  have  been  elected  to  that  body  we 
hope  they  will  not  be  rejected  on  the  ground  of  a 
previous  conviction. 


The  plagiarists  are  on  the  increase  and  no  respect- 
able boarding-house  in  these  times  is  without  one. 
The  last  great  effort  in  the  falsification  line  took 
place  on  Washington's  birthday  when  the  Hon. 
William  Sharon,  who,  by  the  way,  is  passionately 
fond  of  Byron,  read  to  Hon.  Eugene  Sullivan  an 
ode  on  the  great  patriot.      Sullivan  admired  it,  and 


when  Mr.  Sharon  modestly  acknowledged  that  he 
was  the  author,  informed  the  members  of  the  Pacific 
Club  that  they  had  a  poet  among  them.  On  Fri- 
day night,  after  a  select  poker  party,  the  ode  was 
read  again,  the  wine  opened,  and  Mr.  Sharon 
further  complimented.  But  the  Senator's  spurious 
literary  reputation  was  blasted  by  the  appearance 
of  those  same  verses,  on  Saturday,  in  the  Grocers 
Literary  Casket  with  the  name  of  Barbour  Lathrop 
affixed.  Mi\  Lathrop,  who  is  the  editor  of  the 
Casket,  had  been  in  negotiation  with  Mr.  Sharon 
about  the  poem,  but  the  Senator  being  rather  slow 
in  coming  to  terms,  Lathrop  published  them  him- 
self, and  Sharon's  claims  to  the  laurel  crown  will 
never  more  be  considered  by  the  Pacific  Club. 


The  Bancrofts,  Hubert  and  George, 

Use  the  same  historical  forge. 
A  worker  is  George,  but  his  namesake,  more  foxy, 
Takes  his  ease  in  his  house  and  wins  glory  by  proxy. 


As  the  years  roll  on,  the  newspaper  advertising 
solicitor  is  growing  head  and  shoulders  above  the 
editor,  having  long  since  outstripped  the  reporter 
and  other  mere  literary  hirelings.  Theatrical  man- 
agers know  him  and  love  him,  and  believe  with  all 
the  energy  of  their  trusting  souls  that  he  is  in  ev- 
ery way  a  bigger  man  than  the  proprietor.  There- 
fore the  solicitor  always  has  his  pockets  full  of  free 
passes,  when  the  poor  miserable  dog  of  an  editoi 
has  to  fawn  about  the  box-office  for  permission  to 
sneak  into  the  gallery.  The  advertising  solicitor 
adopts  in  a  measure  the  ways  of  the  advance  agent 
of  the  circus,  and  any  one  who  wants  to  see  the 
show — proprietor, editoror  reporter — must  courtthe 
solicitor's  favor,  else  he  don't  go.  Merchants,  law- 
yers and  men  of  every  profession,  estimate  the  ad- 
vertising solicitor  at  his  true  worth,  and  laugh  with 
him  at  the  insignificance  of  every  other  department 
of  a  newspaper.  He  is  credited  with  all  the  good 
things  that  appear  in  his  journal,  and  the  saloon 
men  adore  him  for  his  wit  and  puffs.  Still,  all  his 
virtues  considered,  it  is  a  pity  newspapers  cannot 
get  on  without  him.  They  could  if  business  men 
would — as  they  ought — come  up  and  avertise  with- 
out solicitation. 


Arabi  Pasha's  family  is  suffering  for  the  necessi- 
ties of  life.  This  is  the  extremity  Moore  had  in 
his  prophetic  mind  when  he  wrote,  "Farewell, 
farewell  to  thee,  Arabi's  daughter."  It  takes 
your  born  poet  to  tear  a  hole  in  the  veil  of  the  fu- 
ture and  clap  his  eye  on  the  racket  behind. 


The  published  correspondence  between  Secretary 
of  the  Treasury  Chandler  and  Lieutenant-Com- 
mander Gorringe  shows  that  Mr.  Gorringe  acted 
with  unnecessary  haste  and  heat  in  resigning,  for 
it  does  not  appear  that  the  Secretary  really  in- 
sulted him.  He  only  intimated  that  he  was  unpa- 
triotic and  dishonest.  The  Secretary  doubtless  in- 
tended this  as  delicate  flattery  to  affirm  Mr. 
Gorringe's  fitness  for  promotion. 


After  a  wedding  breakfast  in  this  city  th  othere 
day  the  bride  and  groom  started  for  their  carriage 
in  a  tempest  of  old  shoes  flung  for  "  luck."  The 
shoe  of  an  Oakland  girl  struck  the  bridegroom 
abaft  the  ear,  instantly  killing  him.  Let  us  hear 
no  more  about  this  ancient  custom  being  "  a  mere 
superstition." 

: *-■•■-♦ 

The  Street  Superintendent  should  have  his  ears 
cut  oft  or  his  salary  docked,  or  both,  for  the  condi- 
tion of  Market  street  at  the  ferry  landings.  The 
mud  is  almost  knee  high  there  and  the  thousands 
who  cross  and  recross  the  bay  every  day  have  noth- 
ing but  curses  for  this  neglectful  official.  A  cart, 
two  men  and  about  three  hours  a  day,  would  keep 
the  crossing  clean.  However,  the  Street  Superin- 
tendent before  the  present  incumbent  never  paid 
any  attention  to  this  matter,  and  none  ever  will 
unless  dragged  to  the  crossing  in  chains  and  com- 
pelled to  wallow  in  it. 


Two  characteristically  California!!  suifs  are  no  v 
pending  in  the  courts  :  one  to  obtain  possession  of 
the  Mare  Island  Navy  lard  and  the  other  to  grab 
the  city  of  Oakland.  If  the  plaintiffs  in  the  first 
case  will  engage  to  continue  the  Government's  work 
at  the  old  stand  there  is  no  objection  to  a  judg- 
ment in  their  favor  ;  and  it  is  very  certain  that  the 
lady  who  is  reaching  for  Oakland  could  manage  its 
affairs  with  unspeakable  advantage  to  its  morals. 


THE     WASP. 


13 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


A  musical  event  equal  to  the  Nilsson  aeaaorj  i>  in  a  fair 
way  to  be  accomplished.  Advance  subscriptions  guaran- 
teeing $12,500  have  been  obtained  ami  the  interest  among 
musicians  ancj  amateurs  is  fully  aroused. 

Theodore  Thomas,  the  best-known  leiuler  uf  orchestra 
in  America,  i->  to  come  here  with  sixty  of  his  best  musi- 

ciiuia  ami.  in  ;i<I<litinn,  Mm--.  itive-KintC,  solo-pianist, 
Mint.-.   I'm  ma,  suj»r;in(»,  Miss    Belle    Cole,  contralto,    Mr. 

Franz  Remmertz,  basso,  and  a  tenor  of  good  reputation. 
The  Mechanics'  Pavilion  is  to  be  fitted  up  for  concert 
purposes  and  its  acoustic  properties  improved.  One  hun- 
dred and  fifty  to  two  hundred  elegant  boxes  are  to  line 
tin-  gallery,  and  the  main  floor  is  to  have  a  seating  capac- 
ity of  five  thousand.  The  programme  will  consist  of  ora- 
tnrio  and  portions  of  the  latest  works  of  Richard  Wagner, 
beside  some  other  numbers  of  acknowledged  excellence 
\\  liit-li  have  rarely  or  never  before  been  heard  in  this  city. 
Altogether,  it  promises  a  rare  opportunity  for  all  who  are 
fond  of  good  music  and  the  probabilities  are  that  the 
Thomas  season  will  mark  an  epoch  in  the  history  of  music 
in  this  city.  Similar  concerts  outside  of  New  York  City 
hiiv-r  In"-]!  surpassingly  successful  and  were  the  direct 
means  ti>  awaken  a  healthy  desire  for  the  best  class  of 
compositions.  San  Francisco  is  by  no  means  behind-hand 
in  respectable  musicians  and  highly  cultivated  amateurs ; 
therefore,  it  is  probable  that  these  concerts  will  meet  with 
a  liberal  support. 

Young  Mrs.  Winslowt  at  the  Baldwin  Theater,  grows 
steadily  in  favor  and  the  fourth  week  of  its  representation 
in  this  city  will  be  made  doubly  attractive  by  a  distribu- 
tion of  some  exquisite  souvenirs.  The  Madison-Square 
management  are  negotiating  to  secure  the  Baldwin  under 
a  continuous  lease,  intending  to  establish  a  stock  company 
which  shall  rank  with  the  best  in  this  country.  To  judge 
by  the  well-known  energy  and  integrity  of  this  Madison- 
Squure  management,  this  is  an  enterprise  which  should  be 
warmly  supported  by  our  public.  Nothing  can  improve 
the  quality  of  our  dramatic  entertainments  so  effectually 
as  a  permanent  stock  company  composed  of  intelligent, 
painstaking  actors,  managed  by  gentlemen  of  good  judg- 
ment and  correct  taste. 

At  the  Tivoli  another  opera  has  been  added  to  the  fifty- 
odd  lyric  works  produced  upon  that  stage.  Linda  di 
Chamounix  is  creditably  mounted  and,  with  few  excep- 
tions, well  rendered.  The  ensemble  numbers  especially 
show  careful  rehearsals  and  both  chorus  and  orchestra  are 
deserving  of  praise.  The  weakness  of  the  performance 
lies  in  the  concerted  numbers  rather  than  the  solo  parts. 
Take  it  alltogether  it  is  one  of  the  best  entertainments 
here,  and  to  judge  by  the  attendance  one  of  the  most  suc- 
cessful. 

Last  Sunday  evening's  German  performance  recalled 
that  period  when  those  three  princes  of  low  comedy,  Nes- 
troy,  Scholz  and  Treumann  amused  all  Vienna  by  their 
united  efforts.  It  is  probably  the  only  instance  in  the 
annals  of  the  stage,  when  three  comedians  of  such  remark- 
able individuality  and  excellence  performed  together,  sea- 
son after  season,  in  plays  that  were  written  by  one  of 
them — by  Nestroy.  Fancy  Robeson,  Crane  and  Lewis  to 
form  a  similar  combination,  or  Owens,  Whiffen  and  Ray- 
mond cast  in  one  play  simultaneously.  Nestroy  wrote 
the  kind  of  farce  which  preserves  a  thread  of  true  senti- 
ment amidst  the  most  riotous  fun,  at  the  same  time  illus- 
trating the  genuine  Viennese  character  in  the  most  truth- 
fully piquant  manner.  Of  courss  there  is  much  of  local 
color  and  idiom,  and  his  works,  therefore,  do  not  admit  of 
being  transplanted  and  performed  by  actors  unfamiliar 
with  Vienna  and  its  peculiarities  of  manner  and  dialect. 
Einen  Jus.  will  Er  Sick  Maeken  belongs  to  that  class,  and 
considering  the  above-mentioned  peculiarities  it  was  well 
rendered  and  the  soubrette  and  the  star  may  both  be  con- 
sidered as  having  scored  a  success.  The  play  next  Sun- 
day evening  will  be  Carl  Costa's  Her  Corporal. 

The  Red  Pocketbonk,  a  melo-dramawhich  is  not  unknown 
here,  will  be  the  unattraction  at  the  California. 

The  Bush  Street  resumed  Pop. 

The  Minstrels  are  doing  burlesque  opera  bouffe  to  good 
audiences. 


ANCIENT     AND     MODERN     HORSE-CLASSICS, 


[Our  esteemed  contributor,  "Billy  Buckairo,"  writes 
from  the  cow  counties  in  cruel  contradiction  of  a  time- 
honored  myth,  as  follows]  : 

Learning  is  a  great  thing.  After  a  rancher 
breaks  wild  colts  "all   clay  he  is  mightily  refreshed 


when,  if  at  home,  he  takes  down  his  ancestral  copy 
of  Plutarch  ami  reads  thai  Philip  of  Mace  don 
bought  aThessalian  cult  from  I'bilunicus  for  twelve 
thousand,  four  hundred  dollars,  which  was  so  wild 
it  could  not  bear  t«>  be  spoken  t<>  without  rushing 
fiercely  upon  the  grooms.  But  Philip's  son,  Alex- 
ander (who  shares  with  San  Francisco's  Late  la- 
mented Assessor  the  distinction  of  being  the  I -vic- 
inal "Smart  Alec),  discovered  that  the  colt  was 
frightened  at  its  (the  colt's)  own  shadow  :  where- 
upon Alec,  just  turned  the  colt  ''eend  fur  eend  " 
so  that  the  shadow  was  behind  him  That  fixed 
the  colt.  How  that  colt  ever  grew  to  saddle-hood 
a  stranger  to  his  own  shadow  puzzles  the  average 
rancher  and,  if  his  son  was  not  absent  at  the  I  ni 
versity  of  California  absorbing  a  respect  for  classic 
antiquity  and  legislative  appropriations,  the  old 
man  would  like  to  mutter  :  "It  is  a  profane  lie/' 
Mr.  Thompson,  of  the  United  States  of  America,  I 
am  pleased  to  record,  reared  the  only  colt  that  was 
a  bigger  fool  than  Bucephalus,  or  else  the  Thomp* 
soman  biographer  is,  as  might  be  expected  from 
our  advanced  civilization,  a  profounder  liar  than 
Mr.   Plutarch. 


THEEBAWS     PROTRACTED    SPREE. 

When  King  Theebaw,  of  Bumiab,  unlets  himself 
his  title  to  the  bacl-manship  of  Mandelay  is  unques- 
tionable. About  a  year  ago  he  informed  his  royal 
consort  that  he  desired  a  son  aDd  heir,  and  his 
faithful  spouBe  promised  to  do  her  best.  Without 
doubt  it  was  disappointing  to  be  greeted  by  the 
piping  treble  of  a  baby  girl  when  he  confidently 
looked  forward  to  a  salute  from  the  strong  falsetto 
of  a  baby  boy.  Yet  not  even  disappointment  such 
as  that  sufficiently  justifies  so  wild  a  celebration  as 
is  faintly  indicated  by  the  following  particulars  : 

''The  King  went  upon  a  tremendous  and  pro- 
tracted spree,  wagering  a  wilderness  of  pea-green 
monkeys  against  a  jungle  of  scarlet  anacondas 
upon  his  ability  to  drink  a  gallon  of  gin,  which  is 
the  Burmese  equivalent  of  our  rum,  for  thirty  con- 
secutive days;  during  which  period  his  loyal  sub- 
jects waited  with  patient  perturbation  for  further 
developments.  At  the  end  of  this  time  the  King 
came  to  what  are  regarded  in  Burmah  as  his 
senses,  and  immediately  killed  his  mother-in-law. 
He  followed  up  this  proof  of  returning  reason, 
however,  by  opening  all  the  prisons  in  the  country 
and  turning  their  occupants  loose.  This  act  has 
complicated  a  situation  which  for  one  brief  mo- 
ment seemed  comparatively  clear,  and  Burmah  is 
now  in  doubt  whether  the  letting  loose  of  the 
convicts  or  the  strangling  of  her  grandmother  is  to 
be  regarded  as  the  special  compliment  the  King 
meant  to  pay  his  child." 


The  monopolists  have  triumphed  once  more  in 
Nevada.  Several  bills  for  the  regulation  of  rail- 
roads were  introduced  in  the  Legislature  of  that 
State,  but  after  a  struggle  they  have  been  killed. 
That  able  statesman  and  most  convincing  advo- 
cate, Mr.  Steve  Gage,  must  have  been  delivering 
another  of  his  interesting  lectures  to  the  keen-eyed 
and  ready-handed  Solons  of  the  Silver  State.  His 
voice,  though  it  has  a  hard  metalic  ring,  is  not  con- 
sidered unpleasant,  and  it  has  been  thus  far  im- 
possible to  oversize  his  arguments.  So  Nevada  is 
to  remain  for  a  couple  of  years  more  under  the 
heel  of  the  railroad  power.  We  presume  that  the 
railroad's  chattels  in  the  Legislature  will  be  allowed 
to  return  home  and  move  among  honeBt  men,  and 
that  the  careless,  easy-going  public  will  send  them, 
or  men  like  them,  to  the  next  Legislature.  —  E.mm- 


A  company  of  amateurs  in  the  East  sought  to 
amuse  and  edify  a  select  party  of  friends  the  other 
day  with  a  thrilling  melodrama  in  whicli  the  late 
Jesse  .Tames  figured  as  the  hero.  There  was  a  vast 
amount  of  blood  and  slaughter  during  the  first 
two  acts,  but  apparently  gore  was  only  red  paint, 
and  corpses  that  came  to  life  in  the  wings  did  not 
satisfy  the  realistic  ideas  of  the  young  gentleman 
who  personated  the  bold  bandit,  for  in  the  third 
act  he  brought  down  both  the  house  and  his  man 
in  dead  earnest.  Of  course  he  "  didn't  know  it 
was  loaded,"  but  the  widow  whom  this  "  accident " 
has  left  childless  is  dissatisfied  with  this  explana- 
tion, and  criminal  proceedings  are  likely  to  ensue, 
unless  the  amateur  Jesse  escapes  to  Missouri  and 
takes  shelter  under  Governor  Crittenden's  protect- 
ing wing. 

The  champion  boxer— The  Undertaker. 


STRONG 
FACTS/ 


A  great  many  people  are  asking 
what  particular  troubles  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  is  good  for. 

It  will  cure  Heart  Disease,  Paral- 
ysis, Dropsy,  Kidney  Disease,  Con- 
sumption, Dyspepsia,  Rheumatism, 
Neuralgia,  and  all  similar  dUease». 

Its  wonderful  curative  power  is 
simply  because  it  purines  and  en- 
riches the  blood,  thus  beginning  at 
the  foundation,  and  by  building  up 
the  system,  drives  out  all  disease. 

A  Lady  Cured  of  Rheumatism. 

Baltimore,  Md.,  May  7,  1S80. 

My  health  was  much  shattered  by 
Rheumatism  when  I  commenced 
taking  Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  and  1 
scarcely  had  strength  enough  to  at- 
tend to  my  daily  household  duties. 
1  am  now  using  the  third  bottle  and  I 
am  regaining  strength  daily,  and  I 
cheerfully  recommend  it  to  all. 

1  cannot  say  too  much  in  praise 
of  it.     Mrs.  Mary  I'..  Brashear, 
173  Prestmanst. 

Kidney  Disease  Cured. 

Christiansburg,  Va.f  1881. 
Suffering  from  kidney  disease, 
from  which  I  could  get  no  relief,  I 
tried  Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  which 
cured  mc  completely.  A  child  of 
mine,  recovering  from  scarlet  fever, 
had  no  appetite  and  did  not  seem  to 
be  able  to  cat  at  all.  I  gave  him  Iron 
Bitters  with  the  happiest  results. 
J.  Kyle  Montague. 

Heart  Disease. 

Vine  St.,  Harrisburg,  Pa. 
Dec.  2,  1 88 1. 
After  trying  different  physicians 
and  many  remedies  for  palpitation 
of  the  heart  without  receiving  any 
benefit,  I  was  advised  to  try  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.  I  have  used  two  bot- 
tles and  never  found  anything  that 
gave  mc  so  much  relief. 

Mrs.  Jennie  Hess. 

For  the  peculiar  troubles  to  which 
ladies  are  subject,  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters  is  invaluable.     Try  it. 

Be  sure  and  get  the  Genuine. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 

■ — 'LIVER  — 

It  has  specific  action,  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  tho  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  tho  bowels  In  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

Illfl  oEovia      If  you  aresuffering  from 

RfBClBolf  ICto  malaria, have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  tho  Spring  to  cleanso  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
U-    SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS.    Price  81 


KIDNEY- WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY. 

Is  1  certain  cure  for  XF.RVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  tho  ovll  effecta  or 
youthful  ('.lllcsaodcsLCimea. 

Dlt.  E1IATIK,  who  is  a  regular  phynldan, 
gradual*  01  the  t'ulvcMitv  of  Pen  u«  ?lv  aula, 
will  ni-rco  to  forfeit  Hve  Huadrcd  Dollari  for 
„„,,■„ riliekiii-1  the  VITAL  HESTOIIATIVK 
(iiij.KT  bid  special  ndi'icc  nud  treatment)  will 

DO!  eurOa   Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  tba 

uiurv,   £10.      Seul  to  auy   address,  CONPi- 

.'[-■.riAM.V.    I.y    A.    K.    MIN'll'lC.    M.  D..  No.  11 
K.-nrnv  Street.  S.  P.     Send  f'.r  pamphlet. 
SA.Hl'LI'.   IHiTTI,!-;   1'KEE  will  bo  sent  to 

fi,iv   Miic  iipplvinn  l.v  It'tU-r,  HlnHriH  symplonm, 

tex  aud  ace   'Strict  secrecy  Id  ''11  trnnnactlon§ 


14 


THE     WASP. 


A  drummer  lay  dying, 
About  him  were  crying 

The  friends  who  had  loved  him  the  best ; 
But  he  lay  in  his  stillness, 
As  all  through  his  illness, 

For  he  knew  he  would  soon  be  at  rest. 

Ah,  slowly  he's  going, 
Not  asking,  not  knowing, 
With  a  smile  on  his  quivering  lips; 

He  has  learned  the  sweet  story, 
He  is  touched  with  the  glory — 
'  I  won't  carry  my  samples  this  trip." 


THE    UNCI¥IL    SERVICE. 


This  is  what  a  meek  and  lowly  Washington  de- 
partment clerk,  writing  to  the  Boston  Post,  has  to 
say  about  the  reform  movement.  It  is  men  of  his 
stamp  which  make  decent  men  not  over  impatient 
of   "  rotation  "  : 

The  tone  of  the  departments  is  none  too  high  now.  It 
is  exceedingly  difficult  for  a  government  clerk  to  keep  his 
self-respect.  As  it  is  now,  he  can  hardly  be  called  a  man. 
Business  men  consider  him  an  imbecile.  Congressmen 
treat  him  as  a  slave.  Society  regards  him  as  an  ass. 
And  women  look  upon  him  as  a  clinging,  dependent  crea- 
lure,  whom,  if  they  were  to  marry,  they  would  have  to 
support.  Extend  his  day  to  eight  hours,  and  you  pull 
him  down  another  peg.  The  most  ignorant  stone-breaker 
or  hod-carrier  in  the  government  employ  is  only  required 
to  work  eight  hours.  Let  Congressmen  have  some  mercy 
on  their  own  relatives  and  friends,  if  only  for  the  sake  of 
having  decent  connections. 


In  the  twenty  years  that  we  have  engaged  in 
the  newspaper  business,  we  have  always  seen  news- 
papers soliciting  advertisements  and  subscribers, 
and  always  ■'  finding  room  "  for  new  ads.,  and  not 
until  this  week  have  we  ever  seen  a  notice  similar 
to  the  following,  in  the  San  Francisco  Wasp,  with 
which  we  were  connected  previous  to  coming  to 
Tehama  : 

TO  ADVERTISERS. 

No  more  advertisements  for  the  Wasp  can  be  taken  at 
present  on  any  terms.  On  the  expiration  of  those  already 
in  the  paper,  preference  will  necessarily  be  given  to  re- 
newals. Persons  favoring  us  with  a  notice  of  their  wish 
to  advertise  will  be  apprised  of  vacancies  as  they  occur. 

This  is  the  best  showing  ever  made  in  the  United 
States  in  the  newspaper  line,  to  our  knowledge,  and 
shows  good  management  by  the  owners  and  due 
appreciation  by  the  people.—  Tehama  Counselor. 


SOMETHING     RIPE     IN    DENMARK, 


The  girls  of  Salinas  have  organized  a  secret  so- 
ciety. Mr.  W.  C.  Morrow,  of  the  San  Jose  Her- 
ald, has  discovered  the  text  of  their  iron-clad  oath 
of  initiation.     It  is  as  follows  : . 

I,  Jane  Jenkins  (or  whatever  the  name  may  be),  sol- 
emnly pledge  my  sacred  honor  that  I  will  never  again 
kiss  any  young  man,  his  father,  brother,  uncle  or  cousin, 
who  chews,  smokes  or  snuffs,  or  carries  any  cigarettes.  I 
further  declare  that  I  will  not  allow  any  such  person  to 
sit  up  with  me  in  the  night  time,  either  in  the  parlor, 
summer-house  or  any  other  place  ;  neither  will  I  ride  out 
at  night  in  a  covered  carriage  or  buggy  with  any  such 
oigarette-smoker  ;  but  if  by  accident  or  other  persuasion 
1  should  be  induced  to  do  so,  I  pledge  my  word  as  a  lov- 
ing-hearted girl  that  I  will  sit  on  the  opposite  side  of  the 
conveyance  and  keep  my  head  turned  toward  the  ex- 
terior. And  should  he  venture  to  put  his  arm  around 
my  neck  or  waist,  drawing  me  towards  him  and  attempt 
to  kiss,  bite  or  beard  me,  I  pledge  my  word  that  I  will 
not  halloo  or  make  any  noise  whatever,  but  will  treat 
him  as  coldly  as  my  utterly  defenceless  condition  will 
allow.  All  of  which  I  solemnly  premise  and  declare, 
without  equivocation  or  mental  reservation  ;  binding  my- 
self under  no  less  a  penalty  than  that  of  eschewing  the 
Impressible  gum  for  a  period  of  thirty  days. 


The  Danes  are  determined  to  put  down  drinking, 
an  exercise  in  which  they  have  in  early  times  won 
some  renown.  To  drink  like  a  Dane  or  a  Dutch- 
man was  at  one  period  considered  a  meritorious 
act,  and  it  is  generally  understood  that  drinking 
mead  is  the  chief  pastime  of  the  old  Danes  in  Val- 
halla. The  notion  that  they  drank  out  of  the 
skulls  of  their  enemies,  however,  is  a  false  one, 
founded  on  a  mistaken  reading  of  the  text  from 
which  it  is  derived.  The  Danes  of  to-day  are  dis- 
establishing their  public  houses,  and  "no  showily 
dressed  girl  is  to  be  allowed  to  stand  behind  a 
drinking  bar  to  fascinate  youths  of  the  opposite 
sex.''  It  will  prove  difficult  in  practice  to  deter- 
mine whether  a  girl  is  or  is  not  "showily  dressed," 
and  doubtless  many  bar-maidens  will  appear  even 
more  fascinating  to  youths  of  the  opposite  sex 
when  dressed  in  a  manner  the  reverse  of  showy. 
Perhaps  Danish  legislators  have  been  too  hasty. 
The  presence  of  women,  if  well  conducted,  at  the 
bar  should  rather  refine  and  elevate  the  tone  of 
conversation.  Prebably  many  youths  of  the  oppo- 
site sex  have  no  other  opportunity  of  cultivating 
women's  society  in  a  harmless  way.  In  any  case, 
a  well-conducted  English  public  house  is  in  many 
respects  preferable  to  the  majority  of  American 
bar-rooms. 


There  is  a  commune  in  France  which  has  very 
little  to  learn  even  from  the  shrewd  statesmen  who 
frame  and  engineer  River  and  Harbor  bills. 

At  a  recent  meeting  of  the  Municipal  Council 
one  honorable  member  proposed,  in  view  of  the 
fact  that  there  was  a  considerable  surplus  in  the 
treasury,  that  an  appropriation  be  made  for  the 
construction  of  a  bridge. 

"  Of  a  bridge  ?  "  echoed  another  honorable  mem- 
ber, scornfully.      "Why,  there  is  no  river  hen-'" 

"Nevermind  that,"  cried  the  proposer  of  the 
motion  ;  "  let  us  get  the  bridge  first  and  then  we 
can  appropriate  money  to  get  a  river." 


TO    PUBLISHERS    AND    EDITORS. 

Many  Newspapers  and  Magazines  have  been  estab- 
lished in  the  United  States  and  Canada  within  the  last 
two  years,  the  names  of  which  do  not  appear  in  any  News- 
paper Directory  or  Catalogue.  The  publishers  and  edi- 
tors of  such  are  invited  to  send  copies  and  a  full  descrip- 
tion of  their  respective  publications  to  the  Editor  of  Hub- 
bard's Newspaper  and  Bank  Directory  of  the  World,  New 
Haven,  Conn.,  U.  S.  A.,  that  they  may  be  properly  cata- 
logued and  described  in  the  forthcoming  edition  of  that 
work  for  1883.  Editors  who  kindly  give  this  notice  an 
insertion  in  their  columns  will  confer  a  favor  on  the  Press 
of  America. 

***  "  Durability  is  better  than  show."  Durability  of 
health  is  worth  more  than  the  wealth  of  a  Vanderbilt. 
Kidney- Wort  is  man's  colaborer  in  maintaining  health. 
With  healthy  liver,  bowels  and  kidneys,  men  and  women 
will  always  be  in  good  health.  If  the  bowels  are  torpid, 
if  piles  torment,  if  the  back  is  full  of  pain,  get  a  package 
of  Kidney- Wort  and  be  cured  without  more  suffering. 


In  visiting  old  Monterey  every  one  who  wants  a  good 
time,  first-class  liquors,  cigars,  etc.,  should  call  at  the 
"  Bohemian"  kept  by  the  popular  Sanchez  Brothels. 


A  lunatic,  wdiose  monomania  takes  the  direction 
of  autographs,  runs  violently  down  the  stairs  lead- 
ing from  a  shop  and  exclaims  triumphantly  to  an- 
other sufferer  whose  disease  is  art : 

"I  have  it !  "  I've  just  bought  one — a  genuine 
Raphael  1 " 

"  A  Raphael !  "  replies  his  companion.  "I  have 
one. " 

The  autograph  collector,  scornfully  :  "  Yes,  but 
yours  is  only  a  picture  !  " 


The  correspondence  which  appeared  in  the  dai- 
lies the  morning  following  that  Sacramento  press 
dinner  was  a  melancholy  confession  of  human 
weakness.  Those  letters  were  shockingly  "ginny," 
and  were  proof  conclusive  that  the  talented  young 
gentlemen  of  the  press  did  not  waste  that  golden 
opportunity  of  getting  as  tight  as  a  bottle.  By 
the  way,  the  man  who  wrote  those  funny  toasts 
must  have  been  very  much  under  the  weather  when 
he  undertook  their  composition.  For  they  are 
wearily  humorous — so  humorous,  indeed,  that  their 
funny  author  should  have  gone  to  some  remote 
place  and  killed  himself  as  soon  as  he  worked  this 
burden  off  his  mind. 


A  French  joke.  A  mister  strong  elegant 
passes  before  a  poor.  He  feels  at  her  pocket. 
Not  of  littles  pennies.  He  is  already  passed  when 
a  remorse  takes  him  :  he  recomes  upon  their  steps 
and  gives  a  piece  of  ten  pennies. 

The  mendicant,  a  man  modest  without  doubt, 
rests  stupified  before  the  little  coin  white,  and 
full  of  delicacy  : 

"  Ten  pennies  !  Oh,  thank,  mister!  But,  and 
thou !  " 


Who  has  not  heard  the  merry  matin  song  of  the 
tuneful  mule  knows  nothing  of  the  power  and  po- 
tency of  music  in  her  wildest,  freest  mood.  Whether 
in  solo  or  concerted  opera,  the  four-footed  choir  is 
head  and  ears  above  all  human  possibilities.  The 
music  begins  with  an  andante  movement,  soft  and 
sweet  as  the  ungreased  wheelbarrow's  plaintive 
voice  ;  then  comes  the  staccato  furioso,  the  adagio 
fortissimo  splityourearso,  followed  by  the  tremu- 
lous yee-haw,  which  is  the  crown  and  summit,  the 
cloud-capped  mountain  top  of  ecstacy  and  joy. 
Talk  not  of  music,  fellow-citizens,  till  you  have 
heard  the  song  of  the  mule. — Detroit  Post. 


The  New  York  News  says  :  "  W.  D.  Howells  has 
written  a  serial  romance  to  explain  '  A  Woman's 
Reason.'  We  can  give  it  in  a  single  word  :  "Be- 
cause." 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  18S2 
G4,1S8  ban-els  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
IT.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

Ask  for  "  Brook's  "  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

4S*Feathers,  ribbons,  velvet  can  all  be  colored  to  match 
that  new  hat  by  using  the  Diamond  Dyes.  10  cents  for 
any  color. 


One  of  the  largest  and  most  popular  schools  in  this  city 
is  that  of  Messrs.  Chamberlain  &  Robinson,  the  Pacific 
Business  College,  No.  320  Post  street.  Full  life  scholar- 
ship is  only  *70. 

Not  an  experiment  or  cheap  patent  medicine  is  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.  It  is  prepared  by  one  of  the  oldest  and 
most  reliable  chemical  firms,  and  will  do  all  that  is  claim- 
ed for  it. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte  Genee 

SUNDAY,    -     -  ~~  -    MARCH  4th, 

The  celebrated 
HI     K    It    R    Y  W     A     It    . 

Nature- Valse  by  Johann  Strauss,  who  has  created  in  New 
York  the  greatest  success,  will  be  introduced  by 

L    IE"K3 

In   the  popular  burlesque,  with  songs  and  dances, 
II    E    It  CO     It     V    ©     It    A     I,    . 

Also  will  be  introduced  by  Link  :  Hungarian 
Czardaszy,  by  Brain,  "  Not  to  Believe  It  !  "  Couplet 
by  Millocker. 

.Reserved  seats  every  Saturday  at  Sherman  &  Clay's  from 
7  till  5  o'clock,  and  every  Sunday  at  California  Theater. 


Baldwin    Theater. 


OUST  AVE  FKOHMAN. 


Unprecedented  success  of  the  greatest  of  American 
sensational  Society  Plays, 

YOUNG    MRS.    WINTHROPI 

By  the  entire 

MADISON  SQUARE  THEATER  CO'Y. 

EVERY  EVENING  {except  Sunday)  AND  AT  THE 
SATURDAY   MATINEE. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kkeijng  Beob Proprietors  and  Managers 

First  week  and  great  success  of  Donizetti's 
romantic  opera,  in  three  acts, 

LINDA      Dl      CHAMOUNIX   ! 

Enthusiastic  reception  and  success  of  MISS  HATTIE 
MOORE  and  MR.  HARRY  GATES  as  "  Pierotto  "  and 
"  The  Marquis." 


BIRD'S     QUAKER_   RESTAURANT. 

ON  OK  ABOUT  MARCH  1st,  1S83,  THE  COM- 
modious  aud  elegant  quarters,  No.  33  Post  street,  be- 
tween Kearny  and  Montgomery,  in  the  MECHANICS' 
INSTITUTE  BUILDING,  will  be  opened  as  the  finest 
and  most  accessible  Breakfast  and  Lunch  Rooms  in  the 
city.  Everything  new  and  inviting.  Strict  attention 
paid  to  every  detail. 

SAN  FRANCISCO  ADVERTISING  AGENCY 
Established     ixjo. 

A.   MACSORLEY  &  CO., 
306'  Jessie  St.,    Distributors, 

Respectfully  solicit    your  orders  for  the 
distribution  of  advertisements. 
Large  experience.  Excellent  references. 

£5?  Call  or  address  postal  card. 


THE    WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

E&Ji"     y?."  ,"nil    Idah0  Territories,   British 
■  Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  ■ 

BMASd'AWnSw'^Sr™  <'0^,   Rou,e-     Tt>«  Steamers  ORI- 

ELI  n't'an"  d'Vkot  ?'''  *"""", '«<™«*.-Tlle  StcamersGEO.  W. 

mault)  at  11   A     ?   on   ,h     ,^^m'th'  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
rv„.l      ui    t  10th'  20th  and  30th  °f  ««*  morJ'h. 

S^SMFn™?™tVdav0n^0l^^or^^tom'™»» 
Socao      J  P°'"' Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little'Eiver  and 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Gnarauteeil  Tor  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  20  per  eem.  Lower  (nan  any  other  Honse  on 
the    Coast. 

*&  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  -§£ 


BILLIAEDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE  -SUBDUER 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHN  CBEAIIAN.Contlnental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Tabl??e™!!„Ifen,n'a  1°'  "!e  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
rabies,  manufactured  on  y  by  H.    VV    c'OLI  KNDFU      W-inM 

llpUSdoZS^„SrUE,DYERn  \  a"  "lrts  °'  '°eUnMftotesWpriee; 
81  per  doz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.         ap-14 

RUPTURE 

Kehevect  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  indict,  by 
S-vV?6,™8  method-  0ffice.  251  Broadway, 
flZ  Z?J\-  B°°Kw,th  hi™™<"**  of  bad  cases  befcre  and 
alter  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,   Alameda,   Newark,   Snn    Jose,  Los  Gates! 
«.i<nu  in i.i,  i .  Hon   anil   Santa  t'ruz. 

"PICTURESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
•*■  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Monterey  Bav.  Potty  miles  shorter  to 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  any  other  route.  No  change  of  care  ;  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  hed  first-class.  PASSENGER  TKAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street  soith  sidk,  at 

8, OH  A-  1,  daily.  West  San  Lorenzo,  West  San  Leandro,  Rus- 
,OU  sails,  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,'  Halls,  Newark,  Centerville, 
Mowrys,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gates, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glcnwood,  Doughertys,  Fulton  Big  Trees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  II. 

2,Qfl  P.  M.,  Daily  Express :  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Newark,  Cen- 
■  OU  terville,  Alviso,  Agnews.  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  and  Los 
Gates.     Through  (o  SANTA  CRUZ  every  Saturday. 

4,00  P'  M'  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE  and  i ti termed! - 
iOU  ate  stations. 
nil  Sundays,  Sportsmen's  Train,  4:30  A.  M.  Return  train 
Ull  leaves  San  Jose  at  5:15  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:35. 
fl*r  EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  $2.50  TO  SAN 
u)  0  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  retuni  until  Monday  in- 
elusive. 

TO     OAKLAND    AXD    ALAJMEDA. 

§6:30— 7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  1(12:30—1:30—2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—6:30—7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5 :E>7 
—§6:57—7:57—8:52—9:52—10:52—1111:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—o:52~10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Alameda— §5 :45-§6:45— 7:45— 8:35-9:35 
—10:35—1(11:35  A.  M.  12:35—1:35—2:35—3:35—4:35—5:35—6:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§DaiIy,  Sundaj's  excepted.     If  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  222  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


Citizens1  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragul  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -      —      -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 

W.  J. 

CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME 

STKEET,               SAN  FRANCISCO, 

OAL. 

14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elmwood,   Glenwood,   Hudson  and  Our  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street 


AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT- 
These  KEYS  are  sold 
by  all  WATCHMAKERS  and  JEWELERS  on  the  PAOIFIO 
COAST.    By  Mail,  25  Cents. 

BIRCH  &  CO.   36  Dey  street.  New  York. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
lit  worth  810  free.  Address  E.  O. 
HIDEOUT  &  CO.,  10  BarclaySt.,  N.Y. 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AND 

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE    \ND  VARIED  BODTBSjOP  RIVER 
and  Rail  Transportation  penetrate  all  sections  of  the  Pacific 
Northwest,  and  form  direct  routes 
Dp  the  Columbia    To  the  Dalles,  Umatilla,  Pendleton,  Walla 

\\:ill;.,  Dayton,  the  Palou.se  Country,  Snake  River  Points,  and 
Lcwiston ; 

In  the  Peml  <1' Orel  lie  Division—  To  Aimworth,  Cheney, 
Sprague,  Spokane  Falls,  Lake  Pcnd  d'Oreille,  and  all  points  in 
Northern  Idaho  and  .Montana  ; 

Up  the  Willamette  Valley -To  Oregon  City,  Salem,  and 
the  beautiful  country  of  Southern  Oregon  ; 

Down  the  Columbia— -Through  the  most  picturesque  scene- 
ry to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Pojnts. 

Over  to  l'uget  Sound— To  Tacoma,  Olympio,  Seattle,  Port 

Townsend,  Victoria  and  Bclingham  Bay— a  Section  unrivaled  for 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prospects. 

The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dally  Stages  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  Fork  Division, 
direct  for  II  IsHonln  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Frnuclseo  office— 214  Montgomery  St. 


(863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  BETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective  vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

&-A1  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE..^! 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

.... AGENTS    FOB.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Bailer  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


1ARD  COLLECTORS.      A  handsome  set  of  cards  for   3-cent 
/  stamp.      A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y.  Mr-10 


Merchant    Tailors. 


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-&T-- 


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C  ■.'-:■.!* 


'&&& 


'ry  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES^- 


Round  and  Pressed 
CIGARETTE  >.     " 


Pure,  Mild, 
Fragrant  and  Sweet." 


.  ALLEN  &  GINTER, 

Manniartnrrrg,    Bldunond.     \a. 


POPULAR    PRICES! 

LARGE    STOCK! 

CHOICE  WOOLEN        J^  Ready- Made  Ming.  _1       And  Fancy  Neckwear 
8  w.thjnrtruchon^^  Sent  Free.        816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


HEfilAILOR 


POPULAR   TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys' 


POPULAR     STYLES ! 

Wen's    Furnishing     Coods. 


NEW 
ENGLAND 
BAKING 
POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Bream  Tartar  aM  Bi-Carb.  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

NowtonErosJCo. 


SAN   FRANCISCO 


L/UKhb  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

DEPOT.    415    MOMTCOMMMT    STREET. For  sale  by  all  Druggist,,. 


B. 


<^"Ask    For 

illows   Deer. 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  10th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCK8S0R  TO 

MASSEY     &     YUNG, 
No.    651    SACRAMENTO    STBEET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sas  Francisco. 


JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior    in 


80LH    A0RKT8    FOR 


SAN  FRANCISCO. 


California. 


AN 
Extraordinary     Razor 

CTAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
x±  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  Betting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
BUppiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IV0RYCARV1NG  KNIVES, TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 

TWICHEFTp 

-L-^  Kid  Gloves  -*- 

ALWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


Obickering  &  SonB.BoBton ;  Bluthner, Leipzig; 
?.  L.  Ncunianu,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwecbten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

3.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St. 

NEAR  MARKET.  BAN  FltANCISCO. 
J.  J.  Palmkr.  Valbntinr  Rbt. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

IPIRIESSIES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Bibcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,40'>»fe407SansomeSt.S.F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses; 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

BUOCKSBOBS     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAK  E  RS 

And    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


II.  IE.  Hunt. 

San  Francisco. 


Prkatiss  Sklby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Undkrhill,  jR.,Sec'y- 


Selby    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS   OP  

lead  Pipe,  S  icel  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-Friction  Hctal,  Lead 
SasU  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Slone,  Elc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery    Street,       -      -      -      -      San    Francisco. 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


w 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

HITE     EOSE    FJLOTJIR 


u  tvi  i  i<  n  iti:i>   Br    hip; 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

£3~  See  loeal  notice  in  another  column, 


os-or^r*     Kentucky     wrnsicE-sr.-rea 


DR. THOMAS  HALL'S 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    &    BBO'-S 
327     market    Street, 

OWNERS    OF 

S  preckels'Lin  e   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu . 


J^-QIMMOIVJD'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 

ask:  your. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


W 

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S3 
K 


10-DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. "«U 


j ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

^delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  moat  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervatingclimate. 
The  tonic  for  its  mcdiecl  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Franci6C0  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P<  pain  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

JiarSorsiile  everywhere  throughout  "the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  II.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


DRINK  FAIR'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


s^r-HARDWOOD   LUMBER- 


.    Jolin    Wigmore, 

1S»    to    14J    SPEAK    STREET,    SAN     I  KAVLSCO. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 


COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

41S    Hoy    Street, 


PianoS 


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DOANE.&  HENSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,^ 


ROHLER  A  CHASE,  137  «o  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiauos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  the  I  11  Lit  so  v  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments,      largest  lino  and  Uuac 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  R.  Wiujar,  Jr.  A.  Carusle. 

A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226   CALIFORNIA    STRfcET, 

San    Frakoisco, 


H.    HOESCH, 

Restaurant, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  I7p        -      -        $3,000,000 
Reserve  I .  9.  Bonds    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


.A.sk 


A.sk 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whcopirig  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal . 


VALENTINE    HASSMER,    933  Wasntnslon  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

US    SITTER    STREET, San  Franeiseo,  Cal, 


THOMAS   DAY  &  CO., 

122  and.  124  Sutter  Street, 

Are  now  opening  a  very  choice  assortment  of  elegant 

Gas    Fixtures,    Fine    Lamps,    Sconces,    Candlesticks    and 

Bouillottes. 

RARE     BRONZES,     BISQUE     and     FAIENCE     WARE 

IN  GREAT  VARIETY. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  SU. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Cakpentee,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSUBANCM  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Capt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ^££g^  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed,  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors— I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L,  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  P. 


8,  J.  PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Flue  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brac  repaired,  212  O'tarrell  Strctt,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 


01 

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<<1 


"The    Baldwin." 


This  Hotel  wars  complete!  and 
opened  in  Miy,  1377,  and  is  con- 
ducted on  the  American  Plan. 

Over  $3,500,000  having  been  ex- 
pended by  Mr.  Baldwin  in  its  con- 
struction and  furnishing. 

Thb  Baldwin  is  the  most  ele- 
gantly appointed  Hotel  in  the 
world. 


Situated  on  Market  Street,  at 
the  intersection  <f  row  ell  and  Eddy 
Streets,  and  fronting  on  four  prin- 
cipal streets  in  the  business  center, 
it  is  convenient  of  access  to  and 
from  all  quarters  of  the  City. 
Eight  lines  of  Street  Care  pass  its 
doors, 

Hctel  Coache*  and  Carriages  in 
waiting  at  all  Bit eject  ar.d  JRailway 
Depots. 


The  Leading  Hotel  of  San  Francisco,  California. 


TOURISTS'       HEADQUARTERS. 


Special  Accommodations  for  Families  and    Large  Parties. 


Prices   the  same    as  at  other  First-class  Hotel*    $2  BO   to    JfMl  per  d:.j. 


H.  H.  PEARSON,  Proprietor, 


OJ' 


BRUSH    HARDENBURGH,    Chief   Clerk,  1 
M.    A.    FRENCH,    CashIer.  J 


Formerly  Proprietor  of  "  The  Cosmopolitan,"  Pan  Francisco. 


*ro^»     j^&t      *jfetv    >StV, 


'A 


VOL.   X.     | 'SAN    FRANCISCO,  MARCH  10,  1883         No.  345. 


For 
3heakfast 

Lunch 

Go  to  the 
,'tw    England 
<ITCHEN. 

522 

:ilifin ni:i  St. 


SE  CELEBRATED 

AMPACNE  WINES 

9T?.  Dbttz  &  Geldermasn  At,  en  Champagne. 


CACHET    BLANC- Extra   Dry. 

In  cases  quarts  and  pintft. 

(  .IRINI'.T      l.RIIN       SEAL, 
In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

DF.il  \    BED   AND  WHITE  WINES, 

it  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  File. 

HOCH     WINES, 

ases  from  G.  M.  Pabetmann  Sobn,  Mainz. 

rles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
114       «l(B.li;tMO       STREET. 


Eire  thy  son  a  literal  education,1 


EAMBEELAIN  &  E0BINS0N 

PEOPIHETHRB. 


PACIFIC 

J      BUSINESS 
AQLLEGE, 


LU32Q^urj 


^SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR-ai   | 


Leopold   Bro's 

LOEIST 

55  POST  STBEET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


MOATT 

Street. 


lotographer, 


.EN  NTGARY&CQ, 

WHOLESALE.... 

)UOR    MERCHANTS, 

S22  and  324  FROST  STBEET, 
FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 

□OFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

—  ALSO  

vmento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


ROE  DIE  HER 

Champagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from   Mr.    Lou  Ik  Rorderrr,  Reims,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.     Before  purchasing,  see  thit  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


t 


per  Heidsieck 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

-Ml  <  nl  i  fun,  t  ;■  St.,  San    i  r:i  iK'i-t'o,  <al. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

3YRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
714    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    1IOLLAND    GIN, 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

POST,    SHERR1,     Ete. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
3IK    Front     Street.    Room    2.     San     Franrl.seo 


K 


D  R  . 


MERRIMAN'S       FRAGRANT 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  1 " 

C.     ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery    Street  Olasonlr  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


sm  COLTON 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR     SALE     BY     ALL     111:1  I   !.  I- 1  S. 


Jaitbs  Shea.         A.  ■  EocqrKEAi.         R.  McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaekson    Streets 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTI  N     &    Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 

••  MILTON    .1.    IIAIMll ."  

"J.    F.    tTTTEB." 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old    Bonrbon    Mhl-klf-. 

408    FRONT     STREET,  8.    F. 


s  c  h  l  i  t  z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHARDS    &    HARRISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  \T.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets,    San   Franelseo. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANSE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teetfa  without  pain.) 
HAVE      REMOVED     TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,     8    and      JO, 

Entrance,  S06  Market  street. 

Dr.  COLAS    VV.    DIM  KER,  Dentist 


EDWARD    E. 

OSBORN, 

Solicitor 

of 

Patents, 

(American  and 

Foreign,) 

320     CALI 

FOR  NI4    STR  EET 

Correspondents  i 

Washington,    London,    Victoria, 

Australia,  Montreal 

Berlin,  11 

onololn,  Mexico. 

0IANO(IHazelton  Bros 
First  Class,   V  =  ~~ 

-  Medium  Price,  A  == 


I 


FULL    VALUE         I 

FOB   YOTJB.  MONEY  mm 


HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
A-jM,  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Go's 

f  BUDWEISER  BEER  j 

Baeh,  m<m9 $M< 

WHOLESALE  BEALEES  IN 


321  K0NTQ0MEBY  STBEET,         San  Francisco,  Cal, 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


CitAggei^-~^£ggg^^ 
FINE   OLD   TABLE   WINES. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

Tbe  nijrhe»l   Standard  of  Exeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Bitot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

trJ 


fiTReeelTed  award*  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICCLTTRAL  SOCIETY  ;  .  also, 
JIECIIANICS•  LNSTITTTE,  Tor  the  Best  Work- 
manship. 


MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY   YOUR    SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  ft  L  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale  and   Eetail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  ana  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 

SAULMANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  tan  Francisio. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order-  Sole  sgei  t  tor  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS.  German 
Sausages.  A.  ItEl  S« IMS. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY  MONOPOIE  (extra), 

1.  ItOllH.IEI.It  (sweet  anil  dry), 
hoi: i  .v  m  i\i»o\. 
VEUVE    cl.lt  O.I  or. 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATT£RY    ST. 


ELPHIA 


BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
£3"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

63S  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blant.ets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  an-"  o'ved  without  shrinking: 
(II  AS.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM 


M.      D., 


olters  Brothers&Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  39  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drurnm,     -      -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


QAN  CRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY 

Capital  Stock 


©200,000. 

?  ?  ?  ?  ?  ?  ¥ 

OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND    WARRANTED  TO 

KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 

RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


F.     SMITH 

(OCITLIST.) 

FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
removed  toPhelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  fbr  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

\os.  114  anil  ml  Market  street, 
\'.is.  11  ami  !:*.  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDONALD.  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  235  Spear  -I . .  .'  1  8  :,,  226  Stuart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.   F.  II  iltstlsoN,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


(S^gdt  %m&li\\j  h  \&. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    "T 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

G^"None  Genuine  unless  bearinp;  our  name  on  Label  and  C«rk  . 


L.    P.    DEGEN.    Maker    of 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PAOIFIO  MAIL  8.  3.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cu- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Go. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  TraderB'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald, 
win  Locomotive  Worfes-,  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
Nich,  Ashton  &  Son's  Salt. 


§  KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

h  l__626_MONTGOMER¥.ST.  &„S.E.COR,SUTTER  &  DUPQNT.SIS-. 


Drink 

BOCA 

Beer. 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


0 

d 

r— I 


u 

o 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


OH 
p, 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         ^m 
809   MONTGOMERY  St.,  Snn   Franeisea. 

H.    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MARKET     STREET,]: 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  tbe    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  t  oni  mission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS  ,  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP  .A.  IP  IE    "El 


OF    ALL     KIND 


413  and  415  Sansonie  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eighth  and  Rrannan  streets. 

OLADS  SPRE0KEL8 President 

J.  D.  8PREOKELS    Vice-Preident 

A.  E.  8PBE0KELS Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     FBANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 

C.  ADOLPHE  IOW,  Prcsldcdt 
OJuce~308  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


■&* 


. TRADE 


MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

415     MARKET     STREET,     S.     F. 


CVOL.  10. 


y°34  5 


^WfHAKtCfl^CO    MRCH    \<TA    1883- 


£*'7¥-/?£0  jr  r//£-  flasrtw/M  jrw/WimsM  cm  /?#/?  .wv/rva  f0/?  Ttf/r/ys/rr'ss/O/f  ntffafStf  77/£  tfrf/cs  4r  ssco/YO  asss  fjrss 


THE    WASP 


FOREIGN     FUN. 


FRENCH. 

Precautions  against  fire  :  "  Victurine,  will  you 
tell  me  how  that  fireman  came  to  be  in  my  kitchen?" 

"Ah,  it  is  too  much.  Madam  tells  me  everyday 
how  afraid  she  is  of  fire,  and  now  madam  is  aston- 
ished that  I  take  precautions  !  " 


They  were  reproaching  an  old  dowager  for  her 
youthful  follies  :  "  At  your  age,  with  white  hair — 
and  yet  a  lover  ?     Fie  !  " 

She  answered,  smilingly:  "And  does  not  one 
want  warmth  in  winter  ? " 


Miss  Bertha  is  absorbed  in  reading  a  romance. 
Her  mother  discovers  her.  "  It  is  disgraceful,  miss, 
what  you  are  doing  there.  I  have  prohibited  that 
book  to  you." 

"  Oh,  mamma,  I  pass  over  all  the  bad  part." 


"  That  man  is  undecided.       It  is  astonishing  ! ' 

"  Why  ? " 

"  Because  he  is  a  druggist." 

"  Druggists  then  cannot  be  puzzled  ?" 

"No,  since  they  are  the  men  of  all  the  solutions.' 


In  court:  "Prisoner,  tell  us  why  you  threw 
your  wife  in  the  river." 

"  She  was  sick  and  the  doctor  recommended  hy- 
dropathy." 


In  the  Plon-Plon  manifesto  protection  was  to  be 
accorded  to  the  Catholic  religion.  Indignant 
French  papers  review  stories  of  Prince  Jerome's 
irreligion,  shown  under  the  empire,  and  especially 
of  his  eating  sausages  on  Good  Friday  with  Sainte- 
Beuve,  and  the  like  gluttonous  feasts  with  Hippo- 
lyte  Jaine,  the  two  Goncourts  and  Paul  de  Saint 
Victor.  Of  these  impious  revels  Louis  Veuillot 
said  :  "  One  day  Satan  will  seize  these  xsi 
eaters  of  pork,  and  after  plunging  them  in  boiling 
oil  he  will  make  an  eternal  pudding  for  all  unbe- 
lievers." 


GERMAN. 

In  the  heat  of  discussion  :  "  But  how,  sir,  can 
you  make  me  believe  that  you,  as  a  youth — even 
leading  a  fast  life — need  more  money  than  I,  as  a 
married  man,  do  1  " 

''If  that  appears  incredible  to  you,  then,  sir, 
you  have  never  been  single." 

In  school. — Teacher:  "Eh — eh?  So  [none  of 
you  can  name  a  conjunction  ? "  Anna— (after  some 
reflection):    "  A  garter-clasp. " 

Good  counsel :  "If  your  father  will  not  consent 
to  your  getting  married,  do  it  at  once.  Did  he  ask 
your  advice  when  he  married  your  mother.  Meas- 
ure for  measure. " 

A  fierce  officer  was  telling  of  his  affaire  of  honor: 
"  To  sum  them  up,"  said  some  one,  "  how  many 
fatal  duels  have  you  fought  ? " 

With  a  scornful  smile  he  replied  :  "  Do  you  be- 
lieve that  I  have  counted  them  ?  " 


Court  speech  :  "  What  is  the  little  Prince  cry- 
ing about  ?"  "Because  the  little  Princess  has  just 
been  graciously  pleased  to  box  his  ears." 


Professor — (leading  a  patient  before  a  class  of 
medical  students):  "  Gentlemen,  here  you  have  a 
fine  specimen  of  the  scrofulous.  Do  you  see  this 
thick  nose,  these  watery  eyes,  this  bloated  coun- 
tenance " 

Patient — (irritated)  :  "  Now,  do  you  know,  Mr. 
Professor,  you  are  not  exactly  beautiful  yourself, 
either? " 


"  My  treasure,  only  one  kiss  !  " 

"  Go  away,  John  ;  I  should  be    ashamed." 

"Why?" 

"  When  one  is  su  near,  to  beg  instead  of  taking. 


Tramp  :  I  cannot  give  you  warmer  thanks  for 
the  fine  boots,  sir,  than  to  drink  a  good  glass  of 
wine  to  your  health.  Either  give  me  the  neces- 
sary money  for  that  or  I  must  sell  the  boots. 


In  the  aquarium  :     "  Why  does  the  boa-  constric- 
tor tie  himself  up  in  a  knot  like  that  ?  " 
"  To  make  himself  remember  something. " 


A  Berlin  coffee-house  proclaims  that  its  coffee  is 


pure  and  clear  as  heaven,  black  as  the  devil,  hot  as 
hell  and  sweet  as  love." 

Annie  :  Now,  Annie,  how  do  you  get  on  in 
married  life  ?     Have  you  had   any  quarrels  yet  ?  " 

Ida  :  Gracious  !  that  would  be  impossible,  for 
I  don't  know  how  it  happens,  but  I  am  always  right. 


He  :     I  tell  you,   my  conquests  among  women 
are  not  to  be  believed  ? 

She  :     I  do  not  believe  them. 


"Yes,  gentleman,"  said  a  Texas  pioneer,  talking 
of  good  old  times,  "I  was  once  offered  a  square 
mile  of  land  for  a  pair  of  old  boots." 

' '  Did  you  trade  ?  "  asked  a  listener. 

"  No,  I  did  not." 

"  Was  the  land  good  for  nothing  ?  " 

"It  was  the  best  of  land.  Grass  five  feet  high, 
a  stream  of  water  clear  as  crystal  running  through 
it,  and  in  one  comer  a  rich  bed  of  silver." 

"  Why  in  the  world  then  didn't  you  exchange  ?" 

"Because" — answered  the  pioneer,  in  a  sorrow- 
ful tone— "because  I  didn't  have  any  boots." 


"It  is  curious,"  said  Michael,  " how  satisfying 
larded  eel  is.  First  I  ate  a  small  goose.  I  was 
still  hungry.  Then  I  had  an  omelette  of  the  thick- 
est sort.  That  did  not  satisfy  ;  but  when  at  last  I 
ate  one  little  dishful  of  larded  eel  I  had  enough." 


"  Ever  the  woman-soul  dreweth  us  on  !''  quoted 
the  stockings.  Then  Annette  drew  them  over  her 
knees. 


Teacher  : 
Scholar  : 
Teacher  : 
Scholar  : 
Teacher  : 
Scholar  : 


What  is  your  name  ! 
John  Smith. 

What  is  }Tour  father  ? 
Dead. 

Now.  what  was  he  before  that  ? 
Living.  —  E.  F.  D. 


At  a  recent  meeting  of  Evangelical  ministers  the 
discussion  tnrned  upon  the  literal  interpretation  of 
the  scripture.  One  of  the  assembled  divines  had 
been  making  an  impassioned  appeal  for  taking  the 
the  word  of  God  exactly  as  it  was  written,  with- 
out adding  thereto  or  taking  therefrom.  Said  he  : 
"When  God  said  'streets  of  gold,'  He  meant 
streets  of  gold  ;  when  He  said  'gates  of  pearl,'  He 
meant  gates  of  pearl ;  and  when  He  said  '  sea  of 
glass,'  He  meant  sea  of  glass,"  etc.  When  he  had 
finished  his  harangue  a  thin,  piping-voiced  member 
from  the  rural  districts  took  the  floor.  He  said 
he  was  fully  in  accord  with  the  sentiments  of  the 
eloquent  brother  who  had  just  preceded  him.  He, 
too,  was  in  favor  of  taking  the  scriptures  literally, 
and  believed  God  meant  just  what  he  said  every 
time.  Of  course,  he  said  there  were  some  things 
that  rather  puzzled  him  :  as,  for  instance,  when 
He  speaks  of  the  woman  who  was  seated  on  seven 
hills.  He  could  not  understand  how  she  could 
ever  do  it,  but  he  was  willing  to  suppose  that  she 
was  endowed  with  extra  large  seating  capacity. 


He  was  an  Irish  gentleman,  and  he  lay  snug  iu 
bed  in  that  delicious  state  between  waking  and 
sleeping,  known  only  to  those  who  can  afford  an 
extra  half-hour  or  so  in  the  downy.  It  was  a  cold 
winter's  morning,  and  his  good  lady  had  just 
tumbled  up  in  the  dark,  and  was  groping  about  on 
the  dressing-table  for  the  means  of  obtaining  light. 
After  knocking  over  two  or  three  toilet  articles  and 
demolishing  the  dressing-glass,  a  petulant  ejecula- 
tion  escaped  the  lady,  whereupon  a  drowsy  mur- 
mur came  from  between  the  sheets,  ' '  Whist  ! 
Nora  Machree,  what  ails  yez  ?  "  "  Oh,  wirru  ! 
Patsey  darlint,  I  can't  find  the  lucifers  anywhere  ; 
whativer  did  ye  do  wid  'em  last  night  ?  "  "  Can't 
foind  the  lucifers  ?  "  echoed  the  old  man  ;  "  be- 
gorra,  av  ye  wad  just  strike  a  light  ye'd  foind  'em 
in  the  turrun  of  a  hand  !" — Judy. 


A  short  Italian  prayer,  which  is  not  without  wis- 
dom, runs  thus  :  "  I  pray  that  I  may  never  be 
married.  But  if  I  marry  I  pray  that  I  may  not  be 
deceived.  But  if  I  am  deceived  I  pray  that  I  may 
not  know  it.  But  if  I  know  it  I  pray  that  I 
may  be  able  to  laugh  at  the  whole  affair." 


He  did  not  object  to  his  daughter  joining  a  mu- 
sical society,  but  gently  insisted  that  abbreviations 
were  coarse,  so  he  said  :  "Philip  Harmonic  sounds 
much  more  genteel,  my  dear. ": 


CHILD     INCUBATION, 


A  French   Scientific    Substitute  for  Mother?. 


The  report1  of  some  remarkable  experiments  in 
so-called  artificial  child  incubation  comes  from 
France.  The  Glasgow  Mail  says  that  the  immense 
success  which  has  attended  the  artificial  incubation 
of  chickens  in  France  recently  attracted  the  atten- 
tion of  Dr.  Tavenier,  a  learned  and  ingenious  phy- 
sician. He  was  attached  to  a  hospital  for  found- 
lings, and  was  annoyed  at  the  large  number  of 
foundlings  who  died  within  the  first  six  months  of 
their  life.  The  majority  of  those  admitted  to  the 
hospital  were  weak  and  sickly,  and  he  resolved  to 
try  what  "  artificial  incubation  "  would  accomplish 
if  applied  to  infants.  The  doctor  constructed  a 
child  incubator  on  precisely  the  model  of  the  ordin- 
ary chicken  incubator.  It  was  a  box  covered  with 
a  glass  slide,  furnished  with  a  soft  wollen  bed  and 
kept  at  the  temperature  of  86  degrees  Fahrenheit, 
by  the  aid  of  hot  water.  He  selected  as  the  sub- 
ject of  his  first  experiment  a  miserably-made  in- 
fant, one  that  had  come  into  the  world  at  an, 
injudiciously  early  period.  This  infant  was 
placed  in  the  incubator,  provided  with  a  nursing 
bottle  and  kept  in  a  dark  room.  To  the  surprise 
of  the  doctor,  it  ceased  to  cry  on  the  second  day 
after  it  was  placed  in  the  incubator,  and  although 
it  had  previously  been  a  preternaturally  sleepless 
child,  it  sank  into  a  deep  and  quiet  sleep.  The 
child  remained  in  the  incubator  for  about  eight 
weeks,  during  which  time  it  never  once  cried,  and 
never  remained  awake  except  when  taking  nour- 
ishment. It  grew  rapidly,  and  when,  at  the  ex- 
piration of  sixty  clays,  it  was  removed  from  the  in- 
cubator, it  presented  the  appearance  of  a  healthy 
infant  of  at  least  a  year  old.  Delighted  with  the 
success  of  the  experiment,  Dr.  Travernier  next  se- 
lected an  ordinary  six- months  old  infant  addicted 
to  the  usual  pains  and  colic,  and  exhibiting  the 
usual  f retf  uluess  of  French  infants.  The  child  con- 
ducted itself  while  in  the  incubator  precisely  as  its- 
predecessor  had  done.  It  never  cried,  it  spent  its 
whole  time  in  sleep,  and  it  grew  as  if  it  had  made 
up  its  mind  to  embrace  the  career  of  a  professional 
giant.  After  a  six  weeks'  stay  in  the  incubator  it 
was  removed  and  weighed  ;  during  this  brief  pe- 
riod it  had  doubled 'its  wtight.  It  had  become  so 
strong  and  healthy  that  it  resembled  a  child  three 
years  old,  and  it  could  actually  walk  when  holding 
on  to  a  convenient  piece  of  furniture.  These  two 
experiments  satisfied  Dr.  Tavemier  of  the  vast  ad- 
vantages of  artificial  child  incubation.  He  imme- 
diately preceeded,  with  the  permission  of  the  au- 
thorities of  the  hospital,  to  construct  an  incubator 
of  the  capacity  of  400  infants,  and  in  this  he  placed 
every  one  of  the  infants  who  were  in  the  hospital 
on  the  10th  day  of  February  last.  With  the  excep- 
tion of  one  who  died  of  congenital  hydrocephalus, 
and  another  who  was  claimed  by  its  repentant 
parents,  the  infants  were  kept  continuously  in  the 
incubator  for  six  months,  when  they  were  removed 
in  consequence  of  having  outgrown  their  narrow 
beds.  The  result  will  seem  almost  incredible  to 
persons  who  are  unfamiliar  with  the  reputation  of 
Dr.  Tavemier,  and  have  not  seen  the  report  made 
to  the  French  government  on  the  subject  by  a  se- 
lect committee  of  twelve.  The  average  age  of  the 
infants  last  February  was  eight  months  and  three 
days,  the  youngest  being  less  than  twelve  hoars 
old  and  the  eldest  not  much  more  than  eleven 
months.  Their  average  weight  was  sixteen  pounds, 
only  one  of  the  entire  300  having  attained  a  weight 
of  thirty-two  pounds.  At  the  end  of  six  months  of 
aititicial  incubation  the  average  weight  of  each  in- 
fant was  twenty-four  pounds,  and  there  was  not 
one  who  would  not  have  been  supposed  by  a  casual 
observer  to  be  at  least  three  years  old.  In  other 
words,  six  months  of  artificial  incubation  did  as 
much  in  the  way  of  developing  Dr.  Tavemier's 
foundlings  as  three  years  of  ordinary  life  would 
have  done.  The  infants  were  strong  and  healthy 
as  well  as  big,  they  walked  within  a  week  of  leav- 
ing the  incubator,  and  most  of  them  have  since 
learned  to  talk.  These  results  surpassed  Dr.  Tav- 
emier's most  enthusiastic  expectations,  and  there 
can  be  no  doubt  that  his  system  of  artificial  incu- 
bation will  be  adopted,  not  only  in  every  child's 
hospital  in  France,  but  in  every  private  family 
throughout  the  civilized  world. 


Mummies  are  the  only  well-behaved  persons  who 
are  now  left  in  Egypt. 


Any  girl  will   tell    you   that   gold    bangles    are 
warmer  than  worsted  wristlets. 


THE    WASP. 


LITERARY     NOTES. 


Mi.  H.  II.  Bancroft  proposes  to  "make  a  fight 
Wit."  Not  only  has  he  published  a  phamphlet 
foniii.lal.li-  in  si/.e,  defending  himself  from  the 
charge  m  imposture  in  publishing  as  his  own  the 
Books  written  by  others,  but  he  lias  Keen  buying 
alliances  with  all  the  local  newspapers  oi  easj 
gonscience.     Several  of  these  print  Ins  letter  to 

■he  A     1     /.. /  Posi  in  answer  to  the  letters  of 

Mr  Phelps,  and  the  i  'hronicle.  giving  a  part  of  it,  is 
good  enough  to  say  that  n  "completely  disposes 
of  his  slanderer.  "  In  order  to  .show  how  effect- 
ually  it  does  so  we  present  a  portion  of  the  same 
|ltract  that  the  Chronicle  prints,  followed  by  the 
gortion  of  Mr.  Phelps's  rejoinder  that  relates  to  it. 
Mr.  Bancroft 

My  assistants  are  for  the  most  partoccupyed  in  abstractf 
tog  and  preparing  material.  After  long  experi.  nceso.aeo- 
tliem  are  able  t..  furnish  me  manuscript  in  a  more  or  less 
advanced  state,  and  of  their  highest  sen  ices  1  gladlv  avail 
mys.'lt.  The  burden  of  the  work,  however  falls  upon  me, 
Where  it  rightly  belongs.  For  the  past  fourteen  yearsl  have 

Hevoted  ..I.  an  averrge  i ■>•  than  eight  hours  a  day  to  my 

Btei  "  I  work  and I g  so  -till.      \t  least  one-half  of 

me  manuscript  thus  far  completed  has  been  written  by 
by  own  hand,  and  much  of  it  from  material  of  my  own 
■  ig;  and  the  remainder  has  been  so 
thoroughly  revised  and  rewritten  by  me,  according  to  the 
Demands  of  the  case,  .is  tn  make  it  my  own.  1  do  not  re- 
write what  is  perfectly  satisfactory  to  me  merely  for  tin- 
sake  of  rewrit  ngj  I  can  employ  my  time  and  strength  to 
Better  advantage.     Of  course   1   should  he  much   better 

fctisfied  if  i  ill  perform  all  the  labor  myself,  including 

even  the  indexing  and  note-taking.  It  is  what  1  do  that  1 
cake  pleasure  in,  and  not  what  others  do  for  me;  but 
Owing  to  the  magnitude  of  the  work,  and  having  but 
one  short  lifetime  before  me,  such  a  course  is  not  possible. 
There  is  no  attempt  at  secrecy  about  my 
ii"  tli-  I,  as  has  been  implied.  My  library  and  is  details 
We  and  always  have  been  open  to  the  public,  and  I  am 

&o' scious  of  pretending  to   be  other  than   lam.     Re- 

snlt- are  mure  to  me  than  means,  but  the  results  are 
valu.-l. -s  if  the  means  are  questionable.  Early  in  these 
efforts  I  submitted  specimens  of  my  work  to  Eastern 
Bterarj  men.  explained  my  method  fully  and  received  their 
approbation.  The  honor  of  having  done  this  work  is  of 
small  moment  to  me  in  comparison  with  its  full  ami  faith- 
ful accomplishment. 

To  this  "complete  disposal  of  his  slanderer"  the 
p -rson  disposed  of  replies  as  follows  : 

Mr.  Bancroft's  answer  sets  up  what  we  call  at  the  bar 
a  plea  by  way  of  confession  and  avoidance.  The  charge 
that  whole  pages  which  were  not  written  by  him  go  into 
his  I  ii  ink  .Mr.  Lianeroft  admits  in  his  statement  that  "at 
least  one-half  the  manuscript  thus  far  completed  has  been 
written  hy  his  own  hand,"  the  rest  being  revised  by  him, 
and  that  he  "does  not  rewrite  what  is  perfectly  satisfac- 
tory,' being  able  to  employ  his  time  and  strength  to 
"  better  advantage."  Just  how  he  employs  his  time  and 
Strength  to  better  advantage  than  in  writing  what  he 
prints  over  his  own  signature  he  does  not  explain 
'  But  his  justifications  for  his  methods  rests  entirely  in 
the  last  analysis,  upon  the  magnitude  of  the  work,  which, 
"  as  finally  laid  out,  proved  sufficient  to  occupy  one  man 
for  two  hundred  years."  This  is  the  veriest  outcry  of 
weakness  from  one  who  has  undertaken  more  than  he  can 

a'.'1- iplish,  and  on  that  ground  justifies  his  appropriation 

of  the  unacknowledged  work  of  others.  -It  is  also  a  com- 
plete admission  that  Mr.  Bancroft  does  not,  and  could 
not  from  the  nature  of  the  case,  write  the  books  which, 
nevertheless,  he  prints  over  his  name.  Would  Mr.  Sted- 
man  be  heard  to  say  that  he  had  undertaken  to  write  es- 
says on  all  the  poets,  but  on  account,  of  the  "  magnitude 
of  the  undertaking,"  had  been  printing  the  work  of 
others';  Could  anyone  imagine  Mr.  Whittier  claiming 
that  lie  had  set  his  heart  on  producing  thirty-nine 
volumes,  but  that,  finding  the  task  would  occupy  him  two 
hundred  years,  he  had  organized  a  bureau  of  poetry,  care- 
fully suppressing,  however,  all  evidence  as  to  which 
poems  were  his  and  which  were  his  assistants' '.'  Does  the 
"  magnitude  of  the  work"  prevent  Mr.  Bancroft  from 
saying,  "  This  chapter  was  written  hy  Mr.  Oak,  wdio  is 
in  every  way  qualified  for  the  work"  ?  When  he  does  not 
choose  to  rewrite  what  "is  perfectly  satisfactory,"  is 
there  anything  to  excuse  his  not  saving  honestly,  "  I  did 
not  write  the  ensuing  ten  pages  ;  they  are  the  work  of  Mrs. 
^.Victor,  a  lady  of  ability  and  discriminating  judg- 
ment >  Other  historians  than  Mr,  Bancroft  have  found 
their  work,  when,  "  finally  laid  out,"  too  great  for  their 
powers.  Buckle,  touched  with  the  fire  of  a  noble  enthu- 
siasm, left  only  what  has  been  so  aptly  termed  "  a  splen- 
did fragment"  of  his  lofty  endeavor.'  The  brilliant  Ma- 
caulay,  purposing  to  write  his  history  down  to  "a  time 
within  the  memory  of  men  still  living,"  put  down  his  pen 
almost  at  the  begining  of  his  task.  The  name  of  Bancroft 
sue-.,  is  that  illustrious  historian,  now  full  of  years  and 
honors,  whose  history,  a  monument  to  his  learning  and 
genius,  h  irdly  passes  the  threshhold  of  our  national  ex- 
istence. I  venture  to  say  that  not  one  of  these  ever  har- 
bored the  thought  of  padding  out  his  uncompleted  work 
with  the  writings  of  other  people. 

Such  a  course  violates  the  fundamental  contract  be- 
tween the  historian  and  his  readers.  One  who  buys 
Hume  or  Fronde  rests  secure  in  the  assurance  that  the 
facts  stated  have  been  weighed,  the  arrangement  care- 
fully decided  upon,  and  the  form  of  expression  chosen  by 
the  historian  himself.  It  is  the  ever-present  judgment  of 
Hume  or  Froude  that  makes  their  works  of  value.  But 
who  can  tell,  in  looking  at   Bancroft's   pages,    which   are 


!"s  -11"1  «  i    and    perhaps 

ible  mbordinate !    Who  can  tell  which 

has  verified  and  which  he  has  not  [fagiven  chapter  oi 
be  work  of   some  competent   pers ther  than 

'■''    a  in. nil    ii  i    fair  to  the    person,  it  is  only  honest  to 

the  n-.d.-r.  that   thifi  Should  be  state. I. 

»  e  have  given  fr time  to  time  a  g 1  deal  of 

Bpace  to  the  discussion  of  this  matter-  more,  per- 
haps, than  our  readers  may  think  it  worth.  Our 
reason  was  two-fold.  In  the  first  place,  these  his- 
tories are  very  important  and  notable  books,  and 
the  matter  ni  literary  imposture  has  always  been 
regarded  .is  .me  of  greal  importance,  as  one  has 
only  t...  recall  the  names  of  Chattel-ton  and  Mac- 
pherson  to  remind  himself.  Secondly,  we  origi- 
nated the  whole  discussion,  and  ours  is  the  only 
journal  in  San  Francisco,  where  this  stupendous 
fraud  was  accomplished,  that  has  had  the  spirit, 
independence  and  honesty  to  expose  it.  We 
have  had  to  oppose,  not  only  Mr.  Bancroft,  but 
the  whole  local  press,  enlisted  in  his  interest. 
Naturally,  we  desire  to  fortify  our  position  in  the 
matter  and  prove  the  accuracy  of  our  statements— 
a  work  in  which,  by  the  publication  of  his  "de- 
fence," Mr.  Bancroft  has  ably  though  unconscious- 
ly assisted. 

The  North  American  Review  for  March  has  no 
fewer  than  eight  papers  of  interest  and  imp. .fi- 
ance. Mr.  Henry  George  discusses  the  subject  of 
money  in  elections  with  a  good  deal  more  ability 
than  he  brings  to  matters  of  wider  scope,  requir- 
ing greater  knowledge.  Mr.  Moncure  D.  Conway's 
article  on  Mr.  Gladstone  is  a  rather  ambitious  at- 
tempt to  measure  a  tall  man  with  a  short  scale. 
From  the  Hon.  George  W.  Julian's  paper  on  rail- 
way influence  in  the  Land  Office  we  reprint  an 
extract  in  this  issue.  Mr.  Proctor's  solution  of  the 
tli-eat  Pyramid  problem  is  interesting, but  not  con- 
vincing. We  wish  Professor  Sumner's  short  pa- 
per on  protective  taxes  and  wages  could  be  ham- 
mered into  the  understanding  of  every  politician 
in  the  land.  The  other  articles  we  have  not  read. 
The  Nuylh  American  stands  at  the  very  head  of 
periodical  publications  in  this  country,  and  in  its 
particular  walk  it  has  few  superiors  in  Europe. 

The  Century  for  March  is  not  as  good  as  usual, 
but  the  St.  Nialwlas  is  as  delightful  as  ever. 

Everybody  knew  about  the  editor  of  the  old 
.sVi/'/imi-'.s,  for  the  name  of  Dr.  J.  G.  Holland  had 
long  been  familiar  to  the  reading  public,  but  little 
is  generally  known  regarding  the  man  who  is  at  the 
head  of  the  Century  Magazine,  as  it  is  now  called. 
The  periodical  itself  furnishes  no  clew  even  to  the 
editor's  name,  although  those  of  the  president, 
treasurer,  and  secretary  of  the  Century  Company 
are  duly  set  forth,  and  a  large  proportion  of  its 
readers  have  nu  idea  who  he  is.  Well-informed 
people,  of  course,  are  aware  that  he  is  Richard 
Watson  Gilder,  and  that  he  is  a  poet  as  well  as  an 
excellent  editor,  but  beyond  that,  in  most  cases, 
their  knowledge  does  not  go. 

The  Overland  has  not  been  sent  us  this  month ; 
we  are  probably  not  deemed  worthy  to  receive 
it — a  judgment  in  which  we  concur.  We  have 
been  apprised,  however,  by  the  publishers  that  its 
business  management  has  been  transferred  to  Mr. 
Samuel  Carson,  publisher  and  bookseller,  120  Sut- 
ter street.  If  this  means,  as  we  suppose  it  does, 
that  Mr.  Warren  Cheney  is  released  from  the  un- 
congenial drudgery  of  the  office  and  left  free  to  write 
those  admirable  reviews  which  have  placed  Mm  in 
the  forefront  of  the  plagiarists  and  wou  him  the 
respectful  consideration  of  all  literary  plunderers, 
the  change  is  in  the  direction  of  improvement. 
Clearly,  this  eagle  should  not  be  cooped,  but  per- 
mitted to  soar  at  his  own  sweet  will  in  the  sun- 
shine ;  and  if  he  should  soar  out  of  sight  we  could 
medicine  our  grief  with  the  memory  of  how  beauti- 
ful he  was  when  visible. 


Colonel  William  R.  Travel's,  a  noted  club  man 
of  New  York  and  Washington,  was  once  appealed 
to  by  a  youngster  in  his  club  in  this  strain  :  "  Col- 
onel, a  bit  of  advice,  if  you  please.  Now,  sup- 
pose you  were  up  stairs  ill  the  card-room  and  should 
see  in  the  hand  of  a  poker  party  sitting  at  the 
card- table  five  aces,  what  would  you  do  ?"  Evi- 
dently the  youngster  felt  the  importance  of  one 
who  was  about  to  unburden  himself  of  a  great 
secret  that  would  affect  the  status  of  some  member 
of  the  club.  Imagine,  then,  his  chagrin  when 
Travers,  an  inveterate  stammerer,  turned  on  him 
with  the  remark  :  "  F-f-ive  aces,  eh  ■  W-w-well, 
youngster,  I'd  b-b-bet  on  that  fellow,  I  w-w-ould." 


THE     DEVIL'S     DICTIONARY, 

E 

Embezzle,  „  /.  To  protect  property  held  in  trust 
from  the  vicissitudes  of  a  brief  tenure  and  a 
divided  control. 

Emetic,)!.  A  substance  that  causes  the  stomach 
to  take  a  sudden  and  enthusiastic  interest  in 
outside  affaire. 

Emergency,  n.  The  wise  man's  opportunity  and 
the  f..ol's  Waterloo.  A  condition  of  things  re- 
quiring one  to  think  like  a  mill-stream,  look 
like  an  idiot  and  aet  like  an  earthquake. 

Emotion,  ...     A  prostrating  disease  caused  by  a  de- 
termination  of   the  heart  to  the  head.     It  is 
sometimes  accompanied  by  a  copious  disi 
of  dydrated  chloride  of  sodium  from  the  eyes. 

she  showed  such  strong  emotion, 
Leaning  o'er  the  vessel's  planks, 

That  the  man  who  owned  the  ocean 
Said  h.-'d  have  to  raise  its  banks. 

/......,./  /'../,.  riiiit. 

Empyrean,  n.     The  "  sky  "  of  an  orator. 

Encomiast,  n.  A  special  (but  not  particular)  kind 
of  liar. 

Encomium,  ...  A  kind  of  intellectual  fog,  through 
which  the  virtues  of  its  object  are  seen  mag- 
nified many  diameters. 

Encore,  adv.  [French.']  Again.  An  exclamation 
intended  to  procure  for  the  exclaimer  more 
than  his  money's  worth  by  flattering  the  ex- 
claimee.  WHien  shouted  out  at  a  concert  it 
means,  "  Sing  us  '  'Way  clown  upon  the 
S'wanee  Ribber. '  " 

Encourage,  v.  t.  To  confirm  a  fool  in  a  folly 
that  is  beginning  to  hurt  him. 

Encumbrance,  ».  That  which  makes  property 
worthless  without  affecting  its  title.  Another 
fellow's  right  to  the  inside  of  your  pie. 

End,  n.  The  position  furthest  removed  on  either 
hand  from  the  Interlocutor. 

The  man  was  perishing  apace 

Who  played  the  tambourine  : 
The  seal  of  death  was  on  his  face — 

'Twas  pallid,  for  'twas  clean. 

"  This  is  the  end,"  the  sick  man  said 
In  faint  and  failing  tones. 
A  moment  later  he  was  dead, 
And  Tambourine  was  Bones. 

— Sir  William  Emerson. 
Endear,  v.  t.     To  procure  for  yourself,  or  bestow 
upon  another,  the  ability  to  do  a  favor. 

The  friendship  of  Crocker  I  tenderly  prize — 

I  wear  many  kinds  of  his  collars. 
He's  endeared  to  my  heart  by  the  sacred  ties 
<  if  a  thousand  accessible  dollars. 

— Rare  Ben.  Truman, 
Enemy,  n.  A  designing  scoundrel  who  has  done 
you  some  service  which  it  is  inconvenient  to 
repay.  In  military  affairs,  a  body  of  men  act- 
uated by  the  basest  motives  and  pursuing  the 
most  iniquitous  aim. 

English,  a.  A  language  so  haughty  and  reserved 
that  few  writers  succeed  in  getting,  on  terms  of 
familiarity  with  it. 

Enigma,  n.  AMorning  Call  editorial  by  which  the 
illustrious  nation-swayer  of  that  journal  bends 
public  opinion  to  what  is  conjectured  to  be  his 
will.  It  is  written  with  the  dried  tail  of  a 
jackass,  dipped  in  liquid  moonshine,  and  in 
terpreted  by  the  light  of  possible  events  in  the 
sweet  by-and-by. 

Enough,  n.     As  much  as  you  can  get  if  you  like  it. 
Knnugh  is  as  good  as  a  feast  ;   but  no  matter 
Enougher's  as  good  as  the  feast  and  the  platter. 

-Lefand  Stanford. 

Entertainment,  a.  Any  kind  of  amusement  whose 
inroads  stop  short  of  death  by  dejection. 

Enthusiasm,  ...  A  distemper  of  youth,  curable 
by  small  doses  of  repentance  in  connection 
with  outward  applications  of  experience.  By- 
ron, who  recovered  long  enough  to  call  it  "en- 
tuzy-muzy,"  had  a  relapse  which  carried  him 
off— to  Missolonghi. 

Envelope,  n.  The  coffin  of  a  document ;  the  scab- 
bard of  a  bill  ;  the  husk  of  a  remittance  ;  the 
bed-gown  of  a  love-letter. 


THE    WAS," 


SATURDAY, 


MARCH   10,   1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  MO   AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.   MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TERMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS : 

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No  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


The  rejection  of  the  new  charter  by  so  narrow  a 
majority  as  thirty-two  in  a  total  vote  of  nearly 
nineteen  thousand  has  suggested  the  notion  that 
somebody  tampered  with  the  ballots.  We  have  no 
doubt  somebody  did.  In  a  close  vote  somebody 
always  does.  The  hypothesis  in  this  instance, 
however,  is  superflous:  admiting  a  square  count,  it 
is  yet  certain  that  the  charter  was  defeated  by 
fraud.  There  probably  never  was  an  election  in 
this  city  in  which  there  were  not  several  hundreds 
of  illegal  votes  cast.  In  this  case  if  thirty-two  more 
such  votes  were  cast  against  the  charter  than  for  it, 
it  was  fraudulently  beaten.  The  professional  politi- 
cians— that  is  to  say,  the  class  that  does,  and  pro- 
cures to  be  done,  all  the  illegal  voting  in  any 
election  —had  an  immediate,  definite  interest  in 
defeating  this  instrument;  and  nobody  had  one  in 
sustaining  it.  In  a  general  way,  most  men  who 
think  and  read  favored  the  charter,  but  two  out  of 
three  did  not  favor  it  "  real  hard " — not  hard 
enough  to  take  the  trouble  to  vote.  The  new 
constitution,  which  can  be  neither  amended,  re- 
pealed nor  made  to  work,  which  leveled  all  the 
landmarks  set  up  by  three  decades  of  legal  decis- 
ions and  left  us  groping  in  a  clewless  maze  of  laws 
sufferable  only  because  invalidated  by  mutual  con- 
tradiction, has  created  in  all  minds  a  distrust  of 
new  organic  laws.  The  believers  in  the  necessity 
of  a  new  charter  had  to  overcome  this  feeling,  and 
the  effort  left  them  limply  apathetic.  As  San 
Francisco  has  declined  to  fly  to  ills  she  knew  not 
of,  she  may  perhaps  find  a  serene,  sad  satisfaction 
in  the  endurence  of  those  she  lias- — a  satisfaction 
exalted  and  sanctified  by  the  sentimental  reflection 
that  she  has  richly  deserved  them. 


It  is  supposed  that  the  Legislature  will  adjourn 
to-day.  We  have  no  desire  to  enter  upon  an  ex- 
haustive review  of  its  work,  not  being  much  ad- 
dicted to  the  exhaustive  method,  and  life  being 
criminally  short.  That  of  the  two  Houses  the  As- 
sembly was  the  wiser  and  better  body  is,  we  think, 
obvious ;  but  even  the  Assembly  will  hardly  be 
caught  up  to  Heaven  and  its  bright  particular 
spirits  harped  and  plumed  because  they  are  too 
good  for  this  world.  Most  of  them  would  prefer 
San  Francisco  to  Heaven,  anyhow;  while  the 
others  would  doubtless  found  their  preference  for 
the  superior  locality  upon  the  hope  of  pitching  out 
such  Republicans  as  they  might  find  snoozing  in 
the  Bhade  of  the  Tree  of  Life — for  it  is  not  at  all 
certain  that  the  elections  of  last  fall  cleaned  them 
all  out.  That  thu  Legislature  as  a  whole  was  bet- 
ber  than  many  of  its  predecessors  is  shown  by  the 
circumstance   that   there   was  no  comprehensive, 


all-embracing  "steal"  put  through,  whereas  many 
petty  attempts  upon  the  pocket  of  the  common- 
wealth by  the  Railroad  and  other  graceless  corpo- 
rations were  actually  "  defeated  with  great  loss." 
The  Sack  has  not  proved  so  powerful  an  agency  in 
legislation  as  its  priesthood  fondly  hoped.  On  the 
whole,  the  Democratic  party  may  justly  "point 
with  pride"  to  its  "  record,"  and  ask  the  Republi- 
cans for  an  extension  of  the  confidence  they 
showed  in  it  at  the  ballot  boxes  last  autumn. 


It  was  a  rather  interesting  session,  that  of  the 
Railroad  Commissioners  on  Monday  last,  with  the 
Right  Reverend  Mr.  Charles  Crocker  on  the  stand 
and  Commissioner  Foote  bedeviling  him  with  all 
manner  of  conundrums.  Mr.  Crocker,  it  appears, 
was  once  a  kind  of  Contract  and  Finance  Com- 
pany, as  at  a  later  date  he  was  a  Pacific  Improve- 
ment Company — the  intermediate  time,  we  believe, 
being  largely  taken  up  in  the  performance  of  his 
duties  as  a  Western  Development  Company,  an 
Occidental  Credit  and  Trust  Company,  a  Southern 
Investment  Company  and  a  Great  North  American 
General  Transaction  Company.  In  short,  he 
has  been  pretty  much  everything  but  a  railroad 
man.  In  his  successive  outside  capacities  it  was 
his  duty  and  pleasure  to  build  and  equip  railroads 
for  other  men  ;  but  whenever  he  had  completed  a 
contract  he  disincorporated  and  burned  his  books 
behind  him.  He  cannot,  therefore,  tell  how  much 
it  has  cost  to  build  any  specified  road  ;  he  only 
knows  that  it  kept  him  poor.  We  do  not  learn 
all  this  from  the  printed  lines  of  his  testimony  ; 
we,  read  it  between  them.  Mr.  Crocker,  we  ob- 
serve, could  not  be  got  to  concede  the  constitu- 
tional right  of  the  Commission  to  fix  freights  and 
fares,  or,  as  he  prefers  to  express  it,  "  confiscate 
the  Railroad's  property."  This  is  almost  as  good 
as  the  protest  of  a  man  on  the  gibbet,  who  denied 
the  validity  of  his  sentence  on  the  ground  that  the 
judge  had  been  prejudiced  against  him  by  the  ver- 
dict of  the  jury. 

Supervisor  Strother  is  making  a  spectacular  ex- 
traviganza  of  himself,  the  like  whereof  is  seldom 
seen  on  any  stage.  At  every  session  of  the  Board 
he  commits  some  new  assault  upon  common  sense 
and  makes  an  indecent  exposure  of  his  mind.  His 
opinions  appear  to  be  the  offspring  of  his  pocket, 
the  language  in  which  he  clothes  them  is  a  formal 
indictment  against  English  grammar,  and  his  ges- 
ticulation a  straight  steal  from  the  windmills  of  all 
nations.  He  boasts  that  he  whs  born  in  the 
shadow  of  the  national  capitol  but  has  not  as  yet 
given  a  satisfactory  reason  for  having  emerged  into 
the  sunshine.  The  man's  patriotic  eloquence  is  of 
a  characrer  to  excite  the  liveliest  emotions,  but 
they  are  mainly  confined  to  the  stomach.  Wrap- 
ped in  the  star-spangled  banner,  witli  the  Fed- 
eral Constitution  conspicuously  protruding  from 
his  pocket,  and  brandishing  the  bird  o1  freedom  by 
one  of  its  l**gs,  this  village  orator  ' '  mounts  the  ros- 
trum" and  twisting  the  spiggot  of  his  understand- 
ing there  ensues  a  desolating  outrush  of  unthinka- 
ble bosh.  There  are  more  national  emblems  in  one 
of  his  speeches  than  ever  served  to  distinguish  a 
one-dollar  greenback  from  a  two.  For  the  man's 
opinions  nobody  but  himself  cares  a  tinsmith's  im 
precation,  but  the  manner  in  which  he  lets  down 
his  ears,  waves  his  forelegs  and  assassinates  the 
English  language  is  not  to  be  tamely  endured  by  a 
community  jealous  of  its  rights.  As  Mr.  Strother 
lias  declared  his  intention  of  earning  his  salary,  we 
take  the  liberty  to  apprise  the  Coroner. 


A  good  deal  of  unnecessary  nonsense  is  being 
talked  about  the  dreadful  condition  of  the  city, 
destitute  of  street  lamps.  There  iB  not  much  that 
is  dreadful  about  it.     Newly  married  young  men, 


upon  whom  the  habits  of  bachelorhood  are  still  all- 
powerful,  are  compelled  to  go  home  earlier  in  the 
evening,  and  there  is  a  disagreeable  tendency  to 
stay  indoors  after  midnight,  all  round.  The  busi- 
ness interests  of  thieves,  burglars  and  assassins  are 
no  doubt  injuriously  affected  by  the  victim-famine, 
and  there  are  some  other  evils  incident  to  the  new 
order  of  things.  On  the  other  hand,  there  is  the 
advantage  of  two  or  three  hours  of  suspended 
animation  on  the  part  of  wagons,  during  which  it  . 
is  possible  for  the  healthy  to  sleep  and  the  sick  to 
die  in  peace.  No  doubt  light  is  a  protection  to  : 
life  and  property,  but  without  it  people  would  take 
private  precautions  that  would  be  a  deal  more 
effective.  Business  and  social  activities  will  adjust 
themselves  to  any  condition,  and  the  persons  who 
are  actually  compelled  occasionally  to  be  out  of  J 
doors  o'  nights,  and  who  are  worth  protecting,  are 
so  few  that  the  cost  per  capita  of  illuminating  their  ] 
way  with  gas  would  amaze  the  taxpayer  if  figured 
out.  On  the  whole,  we  think  the  man  who  first 
conceived  the  notion  of  making  city  life  insuffera- 
ble all  the  twenty-four  hours  by  lighting  the 
streets  was  one  of  the  most  ingenious  malefactors 
that  the  ambition  to  improve  on  God  has  afflicted 
us  with.  He  beats  the  inventor  of  the  protective  ! 
tariff  and  the  discoverer  of  the  writ  of  error. 


The  chronic  soreheads  who  delight  to  call  them- 
selves Radicals  sometimes  make  significant  revela- 
tions. For  example  Mr.  Henry  George,  a  kind  <>f  j 
educated  Dennis  Kearney,  has  recently  "given 
himself  away"  with  a  singularly  charming  frank-  : 
ness.  The  Government  of  England  is  about  the 
purest  democracy  in  the  world,  but  Mr.  George, 
jvho  has  not  a  penny's  worth  at  stake  in  the  mat- 
ter, wishes  it  overthrown  in  the  interest  of  —de- 
mocracy. In  a  recent  interview  he  expressed  a 
sure  and  certain  hope  of  this  desirable  consumma- 
tion, for  "the  death  of  the  Queen,  bad  crops  or 
severe  industrial  depression"  may  at  any  time] 
bring  it  about.  Truly  that  is  a  worthy  cause  which 
counts  upon  the  services  of  such  noble  allies  as 
death,  famine  and  distress. 

The  failure  of  this  year's  river  and  harbor  bill 
has  made  Mr.  Page  unhappy,  but  he  feels  no  re- 
morse. He  has  had  an  unspoken  speech  printed, 
in  which  he  solemnly  protests  his  innocence  and 
"places  the  responsibility"  upon  those  who  defeat- 
ed it — where  it  must  be  confessed,  it  appears  to  | 
belong.  It  is  supposed  these  hardened  and  im- 
penitent malefactors  will  take  their  punishment 
with  the  cheerful  fortitude  that  distinguishes  the 
traditional  off  wheeler,  whose  luckless  lot  it  is  to 
occupy  a  position  peculiarly  accessible  to  the  lash. 
"  Why  don't  you  hit  him  on  that  sore  '.  "  suggested 
an  outside  passenger,  noting  the  inadequate  effect 
iff  repeated  castigation  as  a  stimulant.  I'm  sav- 
ing that,  "  said  the  driver,  "  to  go  into  town  on.  " 
In  "  placing  the  responsibility  where  it  belongs,1 
Mr.  Page  evidently  intended  to  signalize  his 
arrival  at  the  terminus  of  his  political  career  by  a 
stroke  of  exceptional  cruelty. 


We  are  not  of  those  who  think  that  to  be  on  the 
winning  side  is  necessarily  creditable  :  commonly, 
we  think,  it  is  not.  But.  if  not  always  creditable 
it  is  always  satisfactory,  and  we  confess  to  a  feel- 
ing of  gratification  in  the  result  of  three  battles 
winch  we  have  assisted  to  win.  First,  the  move- 
ment for  the  abrogation  of  the  Hawaiian  recip- 
rocity treaty  has  disastrously  failed.  Second,  the 
Railroad  has  been  beaten  in  its  attempt  to  consoli- 
date all  the  lines  between  San  Francisco  and  New 
Orleans.  Third,  by  the  passage  of  the  anti-oleo- 
margarine bill  the  schemers  in  that  interest  have 
been  brought  up  with  a  round  turn  and  their  hor- 
rible compound  rendered  comparatively  worthless 
for  sale  in  this  State. 


J 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


It  appears  that  the  remarks  in  these  columns  last 
week  concerning  the   Press  dinner  at  Sacramento 

were  based  on  correct  information  misunderst 1. 

The  dinner  was  a  bona  fid*  entertainment  given  by 
tspresentatives  of  the  press  to  officers  of  the  State 
Government  in  recognition  of  courtesies  and  in  re- 
turn for  hospitalities  received.  Pete  Dorsey  had 
nothing  to  do  with  it.  It  T  had  seen  any  published 
account  of  it  J  would  have  known  this,  for  Mr. 
Townsend  of  fchd  Call  was  chairman,  and  it  would 
require  a  wild,  high  flight  of  the  imagination  to 
conceive  him  having  anything  to  do  with  Pete 
Borsy.  Mr.  Flynn,  of  the  S»i r,  and  Execu- 
tive Secretary  Dam  were  concerned  also  in  the 
matter,  while  Senator  Lynch  and  other  self-respect- 
ing gentlemen  were  present  as  guests.  In  short, 
all  who  were  there,  from  Governor  Stoneman  to 
the  waiter  who  doubtless  enjoyed  the  distinction  of 
wetting  his  thumb  in  the  Governor's  soup,  are 
justly  entitled  to  this  retraction,  and  I  have  au- 
thorized Senator  Lynch  to  have  it  proclaimed  from 
the  dome  of  the  State  Capitol.  I  am  really  sorry 
the  mistake  occurred,  and  all  California,  from  Sis- 
kiyou to  San  Diego,  from  the  Sierra  to  the  sea, 
will  kindly  consider  itself  plastered  belly-deep  to  a 
horse  with  alternate  layers  of  penitence  and  apology. 


The  manner  of  its  happening  was  this.  1  received 
a  letter  from  a  trusted  and  trustworthy  friend,  con- 
taining the  following  statement  : 

t  understand  that  some   of   the  city  newspaper  men 
hurl  a  dinner  last  week  which  deserves  notice  in  the  Wasp 

■lint  for  goodness'  sake  don't  say  I  told  you.'  Pete 
Borsy,  that  worthy  person  who  has  long  kept  a  combina- 
tion gin  mill  and  assignation  house  at  the  corner  of  Mor- 
ton and  Dupont  streets,  like  MeGlory's  in  New  York,  or 
one  of  those  low  bar-rooms  along  the  docks  in  Liver- 
pool, was  the  host.  The  dinner  was  given  to  celebrate 
the  removal  of  Dorsy  from  his  old  quarters  to  newer  ones 
more   convenient  to  the  belated  rounders  and  theVenu 

Now,  this  letter  was  written  in  Sacramento, 
about  Sacramento  affairs.  Knowing  that  the 
downy  young  jackals  of  the  San  Francisco  press 
up  there  had  been  laying  tribute  of  meats  before 
the  tawny  monarchs  of  the  political  forest,  I  un- 
fortunately assumed  that  that  was  the  entertain- 
ment mentioned  in.  the  letter.  I  jumped— I 
sprang— I  vaulted  to  that  conclusion.  I  appear  to 
have  come  down  pretty  hard. 


It  is  true  the  statement  was  distinctl}'  made  on 
information  and  liberally  embellished  with  a  mul- 
titude of  ifs  ;  but  several  bushels  of  protesting 
letters  are  already  to  hand,  and  the  good  Lord  He 
knoweth  how  many  tons  of  the  like  Sam  Backus 
has  still  in  his  pouches  for  my  affliction.  Pete 
Dorsey  is  kicking,  too,  I  am  told. 


The  incident  marks  in  a  sharp  and  sigual  way 
the  criminal  folly— the  supernal  and  immeasurable 
hardihood  of  bestowing  charitable  provend  upon 
any  of  God's  poor  without  bidding  me  to  the  feast, 
to  the  end  that  the  facts  may  be  all  accurately  ap- 
prehended and  in  orderly  sequence  duly  embla- 
zoned on  the  page  of  history  for  the  admiration  of 
posterity  and  as  a  sore  trial  to  the  feelings  of  the 
contemporaneous  dyspeptic. 


The  illustrious  dead  appear  to  command  less  re- 
spect than  formerly.  Only  a  few  days  ago  a  prom- 
inent Philadelphia  journal  spoke  of  a  freshly  de- 
ceased person,  whose  various  virtues  all  the  other 
papers  were  reverently  enumerating,  as  "a  con- 
sumate  scoundrel  " — a  rather  coldly  disparaging 
term  to  apply  to  a  corpse.  And  now  the  New  York 
Hour  says  of  certain  newspapers  which  are  now- 
speaking  of  a  certain  dead  man  as  "  the  saintly 


merchant"  that  a  few  years  ago  they  were  de- 
nouncing his  irregularities  at  the  Custom  House, 
for  «  Inch  his  firm  had  to  pay  several  thousand  dol- 
lars in  tines.  Clearly  it  is  not  a  good  time  to  die  : 
the  newspapers  will  take  a  mean  advantage  of  the 
act  to  hurt  a  man  in  his  business. 


1  have  ever  cherished  the  sneaking  notion  that 
the  properest  time  to  sum  up  a  man's  character  is 
that  immediately  succeeding  his  death.  The  pub- 
lic is  then  interested  in  him  as  it  will  never  be 
again.  The  evidence  is  all  in.  You  can  add  up 
his  vices,  subtract  the  sum  of  his  virtues,  double 
the  remainder  and  present  a  tolerably  accurate 
balance.  The  bereaved  relatives  will  no  doubt  try 
to  reduce  it  a  few  figures,  but  to  the  deadster  him- 
self it  can  make  no  difference  whether  his  record  is 
eminently  revolting  or  only  conspicuously  bad. 
Besides,  he  has  his  redress  :  sooner  or  later  his 
juices  will  get  into  your  water  pipes  and  his  gasses 
impest  your  lung. 

By  the  way,  what  has  become  of  that  cremation 
society  ?  Nothing  appeared  to  be  lacking  to  assure 
it  success.  Did  not  the  editor  of  this  paper  offer 
to  procure  for  it  all  the  ignible  remains  of  ambi- 
tious young  men  from  the  monthly  waste-dump  of 
Mr.  Pickering's  great  morning  journal  ?  Did  he 
not  promise  to  endow  it  with  a  score  of  flawless 
corpses— good,  well  nourished  bodies,  rich  in  in- 
flammable oils  and  loaded  with  combustible  vis- 
cera— from  his  own  peerless  collection  ?  Surely 
the  directors  cannot  expect  us  to  supply  coal. 


An  attempt  was  made  in  the  Legislature — I  do 
not  remember  if  it  succeeded — to  repeal  the  law 
giving  a  hotel  keeper  a  lien  upon  the  luggage  of  a 
delinq  uent  guest.  The  purpose  of  repeal  might  be 
more  simply  and  directly  accomplished  by  compell- 
ing him  to  provide  every  bed-room  with  a  rope  fire- 
escape  capable  of  sustaining  a  weight  of  two 
trunks,  three  handbags  and  a  dressing-case,  avoir- 
dupois. 

Joaquin  Miller   is   a  cousin  of  Senator  John  F. 
Miller  of  this  State. — Ludi  Sentinel. 
I  said  it  once,  and  I  say  it  again — 
Repeating  it  over,  as  is  my  way 
Whenever  I've  something  that's  easy  to  say — 
That  'tis  better  to  sickle  your  golden  grain, 
And  smell  the  breath  of  your  clovered  kine 
Evoking  their  cuds  in  your  meadows  fine, 
While  the  world  rolls  on,  as  a  beetle's  ball 
Rolls  over  and  over,  and  that  is  all- 
Except  it  suggest  to  a  drummer  boy's  soul 
That  the  tumble-bug's  march  is  the  true  long  roll ; 
It  is  better  to  sit,  with  your  marvelous  eyes 
On  the  jug,  in  the  shade  of  your  barley  rick. 
And  sip  at  the  jug  till  you're  full  as  a  tick 
And  your  breath  is  incredibly  strong  for  its  size — 
•Strong  as  a  gate  of  brass  or  the  brute 
Strength  of  the  breast  of  a  maiden  Piute  ; 
Better,  I  say,  to  sit  and  drink  gin 
While  the  days  run  on  and  the  drinks  run  in 
And  the  son  comes  up  from  the  under  world — 
Toweled  and  tumbled,  rumpled,  uncurled, 
lake  a  red-headed  lad  that  was  lately  girled — 
And  passes  westward  and  sets  in  the  west, 
And  rises  again  in  the  east,  as  my  song 
Rises  and  falls  and  is  strong  ancTlong  ; 
Better,  I  say,  to  do  this  than  to  be 
A  senator  tine  from  the  Golden  Gate, 
in  caucus  the  boss  aud  no  slouch  in  debate  - 
Unless  you  are  also  related  to  Me  ! 


1 1  is  unnecessary,  I  hope,  to  explain  that  the 
foregoing  noble  lines  are  from  a  poeni  called 
"  Pajaronian,"  by  Joaquin  Miller,  the  Sun- 
Crowned  Bard  of  the  Ineffable  West.  Mr.  Miller 
can  also  write  prose. 


The  lettered  felons  who  selfishly  affirm  that  Mr. 
Hubert   Bancroft   did   not  write   flie  histories  of 


which  he  is  reputed  the  author  have  gone  too  far. 
In  his  History  of  the  Pacific  Statu  of  North  Amer- 
ica, volume  I,  p.  160,  occurs  the  following  striking 
sentence  relating  to  Columbus's  voyage  of  dis- 
covery. I  positively  know  that  Mr.  Bancroft  wrote 
every  word  of  it,  and  there  is  the  strongest  inter- 
nal evidence  that  it  was  not  even  revised  by  Mr. 
Harcourt  or  any  other  scholar  : 

Over  the  trackless  waste  of  sea,  suspended  between 
earth  and  sky,  the  good  ships  had  felt  their  way,  until 
now,  like  goddesses,  they  sat  at  anchor  on  the  other  side 


This  is  pure Bancroftese  ami  vividly  graphic.  It 
presents  to  the  disordered  imagination  of  the  pa- 
tient a  startling  and  life-like  picture — the  good 
ships  suspended  in  the  air  by  stout  hooks  driven 
into  the  sky,  their  arms  extended  before  them  as 
they  cautiously  feel  their  way  across  the  trackless 
waste.  In  the  misty  distance  we  catch  a  glimpse 
of  the  goddesseB  whom  they  resemble,  each  heavily 
cabled  and  anchored  firmly  to  the  bottom. 

I  asked  Mr.  Keller  to  draw  that  beautiful  pic- 
ture and  put  it  in  the  paper.  He  listened  with 
perfect  civility  to  my  enthusiastic  explanation  of 
the  various  points  that  he  was  to  bring  out,  and 
then  replied  that  he  thought  he  could  manage  the 
good  ships,  but  the  hooks  they  were  to  hang  on 
ought,  in  his  judgment,  to  be  driven  into  a  pass- 
ing cloud  or  a  gentle  breeze  ;  else  how  could  the 
vessels  ever  get  across  ?  I  regret  to  add  that  he 
flatly  refused  to  have  anything  to  do  with  the  god- 
desses at  anchor — explaining  that  he  was  not  an 
anchorite.  Probably  he  thought  it  irreverent  to 
caricature  such  patriotic  creatures,  so  strongly  at- 
tached to  their  native  land. 


Ismail  Pasha,  the  ex-Khedive  of  Egypt,  has 
bought  a  residence  in  England  for  four  hundred 
and  fifty  thousand  dollars.  ''Perhaps,"  says  the 
Morning  Cull,"  it  is  impertinent,  but  the  public 
cannot  but  inquire.  'Where  does  he  get  the  money 
to  indulge  in  all  this  extravagance  ?'  "  It  is  not 
impertinent  in  the  public  to  inquire,  and  as  an 
organ  of  public  opion  your  paper,  Mr.  Pickering, 
only  performs  its  sacred  duty  in  putting  the  ques- 
tion. If  you  don't  get  an  answer  you  will  even  be 
justified  in  putting  it  again. 


Died.  — "  The  movement  for  the  abrogation  of 
the  leprous  Hawaiian  treaty  died  in  the  United 
States  Senate  on  the  27th tilt." — Glvronicle, 

Friends  and  acquaintances  are  -respectf ully  in- 
vited to  attend  the  funeral  from  the  late  residence 
of  the  deceased,  1910  California  street. 

Dearest  Movement,  thou  hast  "left"  us, 

And  our  loss  we  deeply  feel. 
That  darned  Senate  has  bereft  us 

Of  another  chance  to  steal  ! 

— Mikr  the  Lep\  >: 


According  to  the  estimate  of  Professor  Hanks,  of 
the  Microscopical  Society,  the  snow  that  fell  in  San 
Francisco  last  December  contained  about  seventy- 
five  tons  of  mud  to  the  square  mile.  That's  a 
pretty  good  showing  for  "the  beautiful  snow," 
emblem  of  purity.  The  sweet  country  air,  too.  it 
now  appears,  is  double-charged  and  overloaded 
with  all  manner  of  mistiness,  and  it  is  even  sus- 
pected that  whisky  is  not  in  all  respects  as  clean  as 
the  poets  affirm.     Thus  one  by  one  our  dreams  are 

rudely  dispelled   by  science,  and   about    tin ! 

thing  that  we  know  to  be  absolutely  what  it  pro- 
fesses to  be  is  filth. 


The  Stockton  Herald  asks:  "Is  the  Devil 
dead  ?  "  What  a  question  from  what  a  source  .' 
I  had  always  believed,  from  reading  the  Stockton 
Mail,  that  he  was  editing  the  Herald, 


THE    WASP 


COW     COUNTY    TYPES. 


I.— A  Real 


My  friend  Jonas  Block  is  a  man  of  copious  im- 
magination.  In  a  more  poetic  age  his  bursting 
inimagination  would  have  overpowered  him,  and 
he  would  have  been  a  poet  in  spite  of  himself  or 
his  friends.  He  might  have  sung  of  the  raptur- 
ous embraces  of  the  harrow  and  the  horned  toad, 
or  the  pride  of  the  pumpkin  that  weighed  two 
hundred  pounds.  The  making  of  poetry  is  a  nice, 
light,  indoor  business,  but  Jonas  Block  found  that 
he  could  not  make  wages  at  it,  so  he  turned  his 
attention  to  the  selling  of  great  expectations,  and 
"warbled  his  nature  wood-notes  wild  "  in  the  ear 
of  '  He  stranger,  who  would  a-f arming  go. 

He  became  a  real  estate  agent  in  a  country 
village  in  the  semi-tropics  with  a  warranted  climate, 
and  he  was  an  eminent  success  because  he  suc- 
ceeded in  convincing  himself  of  the  truth  of  all  his 
lies.  The  treasures"  of  a  richly  agricultured  mind 
fell  from  his  oily  tongue  in  easy  abundance,  and 
he  could  wrap  up  a  fact  in  a  fat  crust  of  that  rich 
and  noble  dialect  invented  by  the  man  who  writes 
advertisements,  flavored  by  certain  sharp  and  bit- 
ing westernisras  of  which  he  kept  a  small  assorment 
borrowed  from  the  Great  American  Humorist. 
People  from  the  East  expected  to  be  talked  to  in 
that  way  by  the  Hardy  Tiller  of  the  Soil,  of  whom 
Jonas  Block  deemed  himself  a  highly  developed 
type;  not  because  he  tilled  any  soil,  but  because  he 
strove  to  collect  in  himself  all  the  other  pleasing 
features  of  the  honest,  simple  farmer.  He  was  a 
many  sided  man,  and  never  a  year  passed  but  Jonas 
Block  had  some  brand  new  scheme  to  get  rich 
''beyond  the  dreams  of  avarice."  These  pleas- 
ant arithmetical  trifles  iie  would  throw  off  in  his 
leisure  moments  for  the  benefit  of  others,  for  he 
never  tried  his  own  schemes,  nor  indeed,  did  any- 
one else;  but  for  all  that,  they  made  pleasant 
reading  when  printed  at  length  in  the  local  news 
paper.  Even  if  we  are  not  rich,  we  liked  to  be 
told  of  the  magnificient  potentialities  of  riches  that 
were  grinning  at  us  every  day  in  that  land  of  prom- 
ise. He  was  a  cheerful  man,  and  he  had  enough 
of  that  exasperating  quality  to  supply  a  whole  com- 
munity. In  proportion  as  the  rain  held  back,  and 
others  grew  melancholy  over  the  prospect  of  im- 
pending drought,  Jonas  Block  grew  more  aggress- 
ively cheerful.  As  a  weather  prophet  h**  was 
great.  The  drier  the  season  the  more  positive  and 
exact  grew  his  prophesies  of  floods  to  come;  in 
rainy  weather,  he  felt  that  prediction  was  out  of 
place.  A  wise  prophet  knows  enough  to  go  in 
when  it  rains.  It  was  my  fortune  when  I  first 
came  to  California  to  encounter  Mr.  Block  at  the 
villiage  of  Dry  town,  where  he  then  resided.  It 
was  a  new  settlement  in  a  "cow  county,  "  and 
was  located  in  the  middle  of  a  sandy  plain — "the 
finest  soil  in  the  world  sir;  all  it  needs  is  water.  " 
When  I  struck  the  town  first,  it  appeared  to  be 
needing  water  very  badly,  but  I  was  afraid  to  say 
so  to  Mr.  Block,  for  he  certainly  would  have  resen- 
ted any  levity  of  that  kind  as  a  personal 
insult.  He  took  pride  in  identifying  himself  with 
"  his  section.  "  A  tumble-bug  residing  within  five 
miles  of  Block's  residence  could  have  found  in  him 
a  champion.  Outside  of  those  limits  things  were 
in  a  very  melancholy  condition,  he  was  pained  to 
say.  He  resembled  the  man  to  whom  it  is  no 
trouble  to  show  goods.  I  remember  how  he 
pounced  upon  me  a  few  minutes  after  my  arrival 
in  the  town.  I  suppose  I  looked  green  enough  to 
buy  anything. 

"  Colonel  "  (he  insisted  on  calling  me  a  colonel) 
"allow  me  to  introduce  myself.  Jonas  Block  is 
the  name.  I  am  always  happy  to  extend  the 
hospitalities  of  the  town  to  a  stranger.  "  I  thank- 
ed him,  and  after  some  conversation  made  an  ap- 
pointment to  ride  around  in  his  buggy  next  day. 
At  the  appointed  hour,  I  met  him  accordingly. 
"Climb  in  Colonel,  "  he  said  cheerily,  pointing  to 
the  seat  in  the  buggy,  alongside  him.  I  climbed. 
"  Would  you  like  to  see' our  prominent  buildings  in 
town,  or  do  you  wish  to  to  inspect  the  environs  at 
once '(  " 

I  thought  I  wanted  to  see  some  environs  as 
soon  as  possible.  The  "prominent  buildings" 
could  all  be  seen  with  the  naked  eye  from  the  steps 
of  the  hotel. 

"  Ml  right.  I  guess  we  will  be  able  to  see  some 
of  our  most  substantial  buildings  on  the  way. 
Look  at  yonder  brick  block!  A  fine  improvement, 
sir— a  line  improvement!  It  is  owned  by  one  of 
our  solid  men,  who  made  his  raise  right  here.  " 


I  politely  admired  the  building,  and  as  Ked  the 
name  of  the  solid  man. 

"Brown,  sir.  Ira  B.  Brown — one  of  our 
Town  Trusstees.  Ran  for  the  Legislature  last  fall, 
but  was  defeated  owing  to  the  jealousy  of  the 
of  the  people  living  on  the  next  street,  who  claim 
that  he  had  the  street  macadamized  in  front  of  his 
own  property,  at  the  expense  of  the  town  and  left 
them  to  paddle  through  the  sand.  " 

"  Brown  appears  to  be  a  hog.  " 

"  Well,  Brown  is  for  Brown  every  time;  that's 
human  nature.  Let  every  man  pull  for  his  own 
street,  audi  guess  things  will  come  out  right  in  the 
end.  " 

It  is  fair  to  say  that  Block  practiced  what  he 
preached,  and  when  he  dies  his  life  and  virtues 
may  be  sumed  in  the  simple  epitaph,  "  He  pulled 
for  his  own  street.  ':  But  Block  never  dies.  "A 
noble  country,  sir,  "  said  my  friend  as  we  drove 
out  into  what  he  called  "the  surburbs.  "  "The 
garden  spot  of  the  universe.  It'll  grow  anything 
under  heaven.  Take  this  yere  alfalfy.  Why,  sir, 
upon  a  patch  of  half  an  acre  you  can  raise  enough 
alfalfy  inside  of  a  year,  that  if  you  took  the  stems 
and  placed  'em  endways,  one  after  the  other, 
they'd  reach  arouni  the  earth;  and  if  you  didn't 
keep  eating  them  ofl'  as  fast  as  they  grew,  there 
wouldn't  be  room  enough  in  California  to  hold  the 
hay  in  five  years.  " 

"You  must  be  all  quite  wealthy  in  this  commu- 
nity, having  such  a  rich  country  ?" 

"Well,  Colonel,  we  ain't  got  exactly  the  right 
crowd  round  here  yet.  The  folks  is  good  folks 
enough,  but  they  don't  put  any  brains  in  their 
farming.  They  don't  know  nothin' but  just  hog 
and  hominy.  They  don't  grrsp  the  situation. 
They  don't  understand  the  beautiful  possibilities 
of  semi-tropical  farming.  I'm  betting  on  intellect 
in  farming,  every  time.  " 

"I've  heard  of  moral  agriculture,  but  mental 
agriculture  is  new  to  me.  " 

"  Well,  sir,  the  moral  idea  is  a  piety  good  lay- 
out, too.  Nothing  gives  real  estate  a  boost  like 
good  schools  and  churches  and  pleanty  of  them, 
too,  right  here.  Morals  is  mighty  good  to  build 
up  a  young  community,  and  I'm  in  favor  of  'em  so 
long  as  they  don't  go  too  far  with  them.  " 

"In  what  way  ?  " 

"  Well,  there's  some  of  these  yere  church  folks, 
and  they're  mighty  good  folks  too,  but  a  little 
cranky,  maybe,  and  they  want  to  close  up  every 
durned  saloon  in  the  hull  outtit.  Now  what's  the 
use  of  driving  away  business  (  If  you  don't  open  a 
saloon  some  other  man  will,  and  it  brings  money 
to  the  town.  No,  sir;  morals  are  good,  but  every- 
thing in  moderation,  you  know.  It  don't  do  to  go 
off  half-cocked.  Live  and  let  live — that's  my 
motto.  " 

There  was  a  good  deal  more  of  the  same  kind  of 
wisdom,  but  perhaps  enough  has  been  said  to  give 
an  idea  of  the  simple  creed,  and  practice  of  this 
devoted  worshiper  of  the  great  god  Business. 

AUTOI/i  cus. 


THE     LAW     OF     THE     MATTER, 


Following  is  the  text  of  the  oleomargaine  bill  as 
it  passed  both  Houses  of  the  Legislature  and  be- 
came a  law.  Strictly  enforced,  it  will  give  all 
needed  protection  against  the  Wilson-Ma  stick- 
Drexler  combination,  that  has  ineffectually  fought 
it  with  a  sack.  We  reprint  it  from  The  California 
Grocer  and  Canner.  It  is  entitled  An  Act  for  the 
Protection  of  the  Dairy  Industry  of  the  State,  and 
the  Consumer  of  Dairy  Productions.  " 

Sec.  1.  Every  person  who  shall  manufacture 
for  sale,  any  article  or  substance  in  semblance  of 
butter,  not  the  legitimate  product  of  the  dairy, 
and  not  made  exclusively  of  milk  or  cream,  but  in- 
to which  the  oil  or  fat  of  animals,  not  produced 
from  milk,  enters  as  a  component  part,  or  has  been 
introduced  to  take  the  place  of  cream,  shall  dis- 
tinctly stamp,  brand  or  mark  in  some  conspicuous 
place,  on  every  package  of  such  article  or  substance, 
the  word  oleomargarine,  in  plain  letters  not  less 
than  one-fourth  of  an  inch  square  each;  and  in 
case  of  retail  sale  of  such  article  or  substance,  in 
parcels  or  otherwise,  the  seller  shall,  in  all  cases, 
deliver  therewith  to  the  purchaser  a  printed  label 
bearing  the  plainly  printed  word  oleomargarine, 
the  said  to  be  priuted  with  type,  each  letter  of 
which  shall  not  be  less  than  one-fourth  of  an  inch 
square. 

Sec.  2.  Every  person  dealing,  whether  by 
wholesale  or  retail,  in  the  article  or  substance  de- 
scribed in  Section  one  of  this  Act,  and  any  hotel  or 


Suicide  is  growing  fashionable  with  the  wise, 
studious  little  boys  who  read  the  dime  novels  and 
imagine  themselves  brigands  and  real  pirates. 
Moralists  keep  growling  at  this  sort  of  literature, 
but  the  boy  who  takes  his  life  because  he  cannot 
be  Jesse  James  but  must  sweep  out  the  store  in  the 
morning,  confers  a  benefit  on  that  ill  treated  class 
termed  posterity.  Now  what  a  lot  of  hypocrisy 
there  is  in  our  solicitude  for  this  same  posterity. 
We  all  know,  pigs  that  we  are,  that  if  the  compass 
of  our  small  existence  would  only  suffice  for  the 
task  there  would  be  no  good  things  left  for  pos- 
terity. As  it  is,  they  get  more  welts  than  benefits, 
and  are  only  dummies  to  scare  young  husbands 
from  drinking  too  much  and  keeping  late  hours. 


It  is  currently  reported  that  when  Major-Gen- 
eral Turnbull  get  on  his  new  uniform  for  the  first 
lime,  he  started  off  to  make  a  friendly  call  in  the 
Western  Addition.  A  little  girl  opened  the  door. 
"  Who  is  there,  Mabel  ?"  asked  her  mother  from 
the  drawing-room.  The  little  child,  shading  her 
eyes  from  the  dazzle  of  the  General's  gold  lace,  and 
surveying  in  open-eyed  admiration  Ins  superb  and 
warlike  figure,  faltered,  "I  don't  know,  mamma. 
I  think  it  is  God." 


restaurant  keeper,  or  boarding  house  keeper, 
in  whose  house  such  article  or  substance 
is  used,  shall  continually  keep  conspicously 
posted  up  in  not  less  than  three  exposed  positions 
or  about  their  respective  places  of  business,  a 
printed  notice  in  the  following  words,  viz. :  Oleo- 
margarine sold  here;  the  said  notice  to  be  plainly 
printed  with  letters  not  less  than  one-half  of  an 
inch  square  each.  And  each  and  every  hotel 
keeper,  and  restaurant  keeper,  boarding-house 
keeper,  or  proprietor  of  other  places  whera  meals 
are  furnished  for  pay,  who  may  use  in  their  re- 
spective places  of  business  any  of  the  article  or 
substance  described  in  Section  one  of  this  Act, 
shall,  upon  the  furnishing  of  the  same  to  his  guests  ■ 
or  customers  [if  inquiry  is  made],  cause  each  and 
every  guest  or  custodier  to  be  distinctly  informed 
that  the  said  article  is  not  butter,  the  genuine 
product  of  the  dairy,  but  is  "oleomargarine.  " 

Sec.  3.  Every  person,  or  director,  trustee, 
officer,  or  agent  of  any  corporation,  who  may 
violate  any  provision  of  this  Act,  shall  be  guilty  of 
a  misdemeanor,  and  upon  conviction  thereof,  shall 
be  punished  by  a  fine  of  not  less  than  fifty  dollars, 
nor  more  than  five  hundred  dollars,  or  by  imprison- 
ment for  not  more  than  three  mouths,  or  by  both 
such  tine  and  imprisonment.  And  it  shall  be  the 
duty  of  the  Court  trying  said  offence  to  order  the 
payment  of  one-half  of  the  fine  imposed  to  the  per- 
son giving  the  information  upon  which  the  prose- 
cution was  based  and  the  conviction  had,  and 
such  fine  may  be  collected  by  execution  as  in  civil 
causes. 

Sec.  4.  All  Acts  or  parts  of  Acts  in  conflict 
with  this  Act  are  hereby  repealed. 

Sec.  5.     This  Act  shall  take  effect  on  and  after 

its  passage. 

♦  .»■-♦ 

They  tell  a  shocking  story  in  the  newspaper 
offices,  this  week,  about  editor  Bartlett  of  the  Bul- 
letin. It  seems  that  between  that  great  man  and 
the  proof-reader  of  his  able  and  influential,  etc.,  a 
dispute  arose  as  to  the  spelling  of  a  word.  "  There 
are  two  ee's  in  it,''  said  Mr.  Bartlett.  "  There  are 
not,"  said  the  pi  oof  reader.  "  Now  what  the  devil 
are  you  two  quarrelling  about,"  interjected  Mr. 
Fitch,  who  believes  in  strong  language  during  bus- 
iness hours.  "Well,"  said  Mr.  Bartlett,  "this 
benighted  duller  insists  that  there  should  be  two 
ee's  in  this  word.  Here  is  the  proof  ;  it  is  the 
leader  I  wrote  this  morning."  Before  Mr.  Fitch 
could  pronounce  judgment,  the  proof-reader  pulled 
a  copy  of  the  New  York  Times  from  his  pocket  and 
pointed  to  Mr.  Bartlett's  leader,  only  the  Times's 
editor  had  written  it  just  five  weeks  before.  '  He 
don't  spell  it  with  two  ee's,"  grinned  the  wretch, 
malicinnsly.  It  is  hardly  necessary  to  add  that 
Mr.  Bartlett  fainted  away  in  the  arms  of  the  copy 
boy,  and  Mr.  (Jpton,  with  ill-concealed  joy,  hum- 
med the  opening  bars  of  "We  shall  meet  but  we 
shall  miss  him,  There  will  be  one  vacant  chair." 
There  was  not,  however,  for  when  Mr.  Bartlett  re- 
covered consciousness  Mr.  Fitch  magnanimously 
forgave  him  on  condition  that  it  should  never  oc- 
cur again. 


Some  genius  has  invented  machines  to  play  pi 
anos.  This  will  give  American  girls  a  chance  to 
help  mother  hangout  the  clothes  Monday  afternoon, 


, 


THE    WASP. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  ami  well  known  houge  of  J.  \V.  Tucker  &  Co 
hM  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Gearv  streets.' 
.friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


LYDIA  E.   PINKHAM'S 

VESETAELE  COMPOUND. 

A  Snre  Cnre  for   all   FEMALE   WEAK- 
NESSES,    (Deluding   Lencorrhcen,    Ir- 
regnlar  and  Painful  Dlenstrnation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb,    Flooding,   PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  drc. 
ESTPleosant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  immediate 
in  its  effect.    It  is  a  great  help  in  pregnancy,  and   re- 
lieves pain  daring  labor  and  at  regular  periods, 
PHYSICIANS  USE  IT  ASD  PRESCRIBE  IT  FREELY. 
^yFoB  all  Weaknesses  of  the  generative  organs 
of  either  sex,  it  is  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  ever 
been  before  the  public ;  and  for  all   diseases  of  the 
Ktdnets  it  is  the  Greatest  Seined  y  in  the  World, 

^""KIDNEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LTDIA  E.  PINKIIAM'S  BLOOD  PURIFIER 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  from  the 
Blood,  at  the  same  time  will  give  tone  and  s-trength  to 
the  system.    As  maxvellotis  in  results  as  the  Compound. 

K3?*Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  rnrifler  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  "Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass, 
Price  of  either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  The  Compound 
la  sent  by  mail  in  the-  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  $1  per  box  for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkhom 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3  cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet,    Mention  this  Paper. 

tifLYDiA  E.  Ptn-kham's  LrvEB  Pnxs  cure  Constipa- 
tion, Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  Liver.    25  cents. 

JSr'Sold  by  all  DrqggiBta*"@8>         co 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT' S 

COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

—   OF   — 

,  Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

j(This  compound  U  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  Due  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street 
New  York.  jf0&  Sale  By  All 


i  Dnuc 


TO     THE      UJ^FORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£*  Ql  Q  KEARNY  STREET,  SAJs 
KJ  fCO  Francisco—  Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  o/ 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De 
biliry,  or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
Bick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  haB  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  oi 
valuable  information,  which  he  ie 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  neec 
of  his  services.  DE.  GIBBON  wil! 
^make  no  charge  unlesB  he  effects  i 
cure.  Persons  at  a  distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Cal"' 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


Los*  of  Voice.  Incipient  Consumption,  and  a 
Throat  and   Limy  Troubles. 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUKN/A.  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST, 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOR    THE 

California     Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    NO    oi'iii.K.       Price,   SO    Cents, 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Proprs. 

417  Sansome  Slrccl,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  *\ 


H.  R.  Macfarlane. 


Geo.  W.  Macfarlake. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

I'IKF.-1'ROOF     NIIIIMM.. 58    QUEEN     STREET, 

Honolulu.  Hawaiian  Inland*. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  §5  outfit  free. 
dress  H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


-    INTE 

Cures  all  pains:  nice  to  use? 


GREAT  €hf 


RHODES  A  CO.,  DruggLsts,  San  Jose,  California. 


I  CURE  FITS 


When  I  aay  euro,  I  do  not  mean 
terely  toatoptbemfor  atl^leanu, 
len  have  them  retain  again,  r 
— ean  a  radical  cure.  I  have  nmdn 
the  dlaen»e  of  FITS,  EPILEPSY  or  PALLING  SICKNESS  a  Ufolonc 
study.  I  warrant  my  remedy  to  cure  the  worat  cases.  Because  Others 
have  failed  li  no  reason  fur  not  now  receiving  a  cure.  Send  at  once 
for  a  treatise  and  a  Free  Bottle  of  my  infaiiihib  remedy.  Glvo  Express 
and  Post  office.  It  cuats  you  nothing  for  a  trial,  and  I  wlU  euro  you. 
Address  Dr.  U.  G.  ROOT.  183  Pearl  Street.  New  fork. 


SST  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex 
haustion,  Weakness,  Loss  ol  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex> 
cesses  and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or,  C.  D.  SALFIELD. 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TBIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  apply" 
toms  and    ag 
confidential. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi 
eate  that  you  are  a  victim  P  THEN"  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney-Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
For  complaints  peculiar 
to  your  sex,  such,  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

EitherSex.  Incontinence, retention  ofurine, 
brick  dustorropy deposits, anddull  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power, 
43-    SOLD  BY  ALT.  DRUG-GISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


A  WEEK.     $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

•a*"  TRY  PFUNDER'S 


$72 


MAKE    HOME    BEAUTIFUL! 

House   Decorating  Done  in   the   Highest  Style  of  Art.    The 
Largest  Stock  of  Wall  Papers  in  the  City. 

G.   W.  CLARK  &  CO., 

645  Market  Street- 

WINDOW    SHADES    IN    ANY    STYLE    OK   COLOR. 


220 

222 


224 
226 


BUSH     STREET 
The    Largest    Stock:— The    Latest    Styles, 


CALL,   AND    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


M4Nu 


F4CTURING    QO*A? 


fvrtf 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY  'REGULATOR. 

OREGON1  BLOOD 


Sick    Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER!    SeeLoca,. 


■MM 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  £3TThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRU(  'E  HOUSE,  1018-J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  S5.  Board,  per  week,  S4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  SST  AU  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


COLUMBUS  BKEWrRY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jn„ 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 

CLAUSS    &  WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL  


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  In- 
creases the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  JET  No  family  should  be  without  it.  W  il- 
cox  Powers  &,  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST- AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co. ,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  4®"  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cuke  has  NO  equal.  Depot,  904  .1  street,  Sac- 
ramento, CaL  ' 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Stron"  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm° Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
1ST  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal.  


HWACHHORST  (Signof  theTownClock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds  Jew- 
'  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  SSST  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK  HAMMER.  820  3  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
( 'al  a»ent  for  (Whickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White  s 
'  Organs"  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
£S"  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill;  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  -Bodies,  etc.     «3"A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento,  aw  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 


THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  «3The  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price"— goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

M.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


.;  ■';•  ■..'•  ':>      HENRY    TIETJEN. 

,.<?% HENRY  AHRENS^S.    TH.V.BORSTEL. 


I42C.-1434-  Vy-'PiNESTNEAR  POL* 


Zk  ?/<"/.  !.yZ//?Cst: 


Mdr.:(:<s 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process   Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co-  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar   kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  0.  Box,  312.     £3T  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  CaL  Board  S4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  S5  to  S6.  Per  day,  SI  to  SI, 25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  83T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  B5T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retaiL  John  Catne,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 

GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  .JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 

C.   SHAW.     PLOW  WORKS.     DEALER    IN 

Agricultural    Implements,     Randolph     Headers, 

■     Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 

Hardware,  etc.,  etc.     Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 

El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Hor3e  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


r      H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
1  •     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  CaL 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  CaL 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  £5TPrin- 
cipal  office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  §500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON,  m  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


ARTISTIC   PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Bates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.  Merchant.  SAN    FRANCISCO 


MANHOOD 

DR.  LIEBIG,  400  Geary  Street,  CONTINUES 
to  treat  successfully  every  form  of  Chronic  or  Special  Dis- 
ease without  mercury,  minerals  or  nauseous  drugs.  DB. 
LIEBIG'S  INVIGORATOB  is  the  only  positive  and  perma- 
nent cure  for  nervous  and  physical  dtbility,  loss  of  manhood, 
weakness  and  all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  Dature,  exces- 
ses and  youthful  follies  One  thousand  dollars  will  be  for- 
feited for  any  case  of  weakness  or  special  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  followed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured., 
after  trying  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR.  LIEBIG'S 
I-1  VIGOK4TOR,  No.  2,  iB  a  specific  for  prostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBIG  &  CO., 
No.  400  Geary  street,  corner  of  Mason  s'reet,  San  Francisco. 
Private  entrance.  405  Mason  street.  eow 


CARDS 


New  Stiles:  If  old  Beveled  Jidge  and 
Chroma  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromos  icith  name.  10c,  a  present 

icj^jeac/(orrfer.CLLKiosliBos.iCo.,(Jllntonvllle,Conri- 

A   Skin   of   Beauty   is   a   Joy   Forever. 
DR.    T.    FELIX    GOURAUD'S 

Oriental  Cream,  or  Magical  Beautifier, 

pl'RIFIES  AS  WELL  AS 
■*-  BEAUTIFIES  TIIB  SKIN, 
Removes  Tan,  Pimples, 
Freckles,  Moth-Patches, 
md  every  blemish  on  beau- 
ty, and  defies  detection.  It 
has  stood  the  test  of  thirty 
years,  and  is  so  harmless 
we  taste  it  to  be  sure  the 
preparation  is  properly 
made.  Accept  no  counter- 
feit of  similar  name.  The 
distinguished  Dr.  L.  A. 
Sayre,  said  to  a  lady  of  the 
hunt  ton  (a  patient).  As 
you  ladies  will  use  cream, 
recommend  '  Gouraud's 
Cream  '  as  the  most  harm- 
one  bottle  will  last  six  months, 
Jrc-  Subtile   removes  superfluous 


all  the 


less 

using  it  every  day.     Als< 

hair  without  injury  to  the  skin. 

Mme.  M.  B.  T.  GOURACD,  Sole  Prop.,  4H  Bond  St.,  New  York. 
For  sale  by  all  Drugjjists  and  Fancy  Goods  Dealers  throughout  the 
United  States,  Canada  and  Europe.  eow 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


<Thta  Engraving  represent*  the  Lungs  Id  a  healthy  state. 


THE     Consumption 
""""    ~    ?hs,  C"" 
Croup. 


Co  a  As,  "Colds 


REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


And  Other  Throat  and    Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybodv  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung_  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

Is  ail  Expectorant  it    lias  No  Equal. 

FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINOTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LACCrHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 

Q>C    4->-^    AAA  per  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5   free. 
$Q    v\J    \J)/u  Address  Stiwson&Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


THE     WASP 


11 


THE    THREE    YOUNG     MATRONS. 
And  the  Orgies  of  a  Very  Bad  Boy. 

A  few  days  ago  three  young    married    women  of 

this  city,  Airs.  K  -,  Mrs.  E—  and  Mrs.  B  -,  con- 
cluded they  would  have  a  quiet  little  hen  pic-nic 
all  by  themselves.  Their  husbands  begged  to  be 
taken  along,  but  they  would  not  hear  of  it.  They 
then  offered  to  foot  all  the  bills,  but'  no  induce- 
ments could  dissuade  these  three  pretty  women — 
and  they  were  very  pretty—  from  the  lieu  pic-nic, 
an  independent  convention  where  they  could  talk 
as  they  pleased,  and  dissect  the  characters  or  their 
friends  to  their  heart's  content,  without  the  fear  of 
any  intercepting  paw  between  the  knife  and  the 
victim.  Then  the  husbands  got  mad,  and  enlisted 
the  services  of  a  very  bad  boy.  He  receives  an 
ample  retaining  fee,  was  furnished  with  a  lucid  set 
of  instructions,  and  then  the  three  conspirators, 
tilled  with  joy,  went  about  their  business. 

The  hampers  were  packed  at  the  house  of  one  of 
the  matrons.  There  were  a  brace  of  roast  chickens, 
a  bottle  of  sherry,  a  lot  of  ham  sandwiches,  fruit, 
nuts,  cake  and  candy.  Now  while  the  ladies 
were  cooking  the  chickens  in  the  kitchen,  the  bad 
boy  had  kindled  a  fire  in  the  stove  in  the  stable, 
and  was  industriously  roasting  a  brace  of  sea  gulls, 
procured  for  him  by  the  conspirators.  He  also 
had  a  bag  of  marbles,  a  bottle  of  red  pepper,  a 
bottle  of  vinegar  and  a  dozen  or  so  of  lawn  tennis 
balls.  No  sooner  was  the  matrons'  hamper  safely 
packed  than  a  ring  at  the  door  bell  was  heard,  and 
the  servant  announced  that  a  peddler  with  a  lot  of 
beautiful  silk  handkerchiefs,  wanted  to  see  the 
ladies  of  the  house.  The  three  rushed  into  the  par- 
lor, and  as  the  skirts  of  the  last  disappeared 
through  the  doorway,  the  bad  boy  crept  into  the 
dining-room   they  had  just  left. 

Two  hours  afterwards,  the  trio  sat  on  the 
beach  at  Harbor  View,  and  chattered  like  so  many 
sparrows.  The  day  was  delightful,  the  salt  breeze 
would  give  the  most  dyspeptic  an  appetite  ;  the 
sun  shone  merrily,  and  the  ladies  grew  real  hungy, 
then  a  snowy  cloth  was  spread  (no  picnic  descrip- 
tion is  complete  without  a  snowy  cloth)  and  the 
hampers  were  unpacked.  "Here,  dear,"  said 
Mrs.  K — ,  "  you  carve  the  chickens."  Mrs.  E— 
unrolled  the  napkins,  and  started.  "  I  never  saw 
such  funny  chickens,  love,"  she  remarked  to  Mrs. 
B  — ;  "  how  brown  they  are,  to  be  sure."  Seagulls 
are  generally  brown,  for  the  bad  boy  had  sub- 
stituted that  unsavory  bird  for  the  true  spring 
fowl.  Then  they  sniffed  it,  and  the  concentrated 
odor  of  stale  herrings  that  it  exhaled  almost 
brought  about  a  shocking  catastrophe,  so  they  put 
the  birds  aside  in  dismay,  and  turned  to  the  sand- 
wiches. Alas  !  between  each  slice  of  bread  was  a 
layer  of  red  pepper,  sufficient  to  poison  even  an 
East  Indian  with  a  sluggish  liver.  Angrily,  now, 
and  suspicious  of  the  truth,  they  examined  the 
fruit.  The  orange  bag  contained  nothing  but  ten- 
nis balls,  and  the  nuts  had  been  metamorphised 
into  marbles.  In  wrathful  despair  they  tried  the 
sherry.  The  sourest  vinegar  had  replaced  the 
delicious  old  Harmony.  What  the  ladies  said,  and 
whether  any  naughty  cuss  words  escaped  their 
rosy  lips,  it  is  not  for  man  to  tell.  But  they  did 
prance,  and  flounce,  and  shake  their  lists  and  dig 
their  parasols  into  the  sand  ;  then,  with  set  teeth, 
and  pallid  faces  they  rushed  for  the  cars,  and 
nearly  knocked  over  three  gentlemen  who,  fol- 
lowed by  a  servant  carrying  a  basket,  were  strol- 
ling leisurly  along  the  beach.  The  recognition 
was  immediate  :  the  newcomers  were  the  three 
husbands. 

'Hallo  !  "  said  one  ;  "  got  through  already. 
Well,  we  are  going  to  have  a  light  feed  on  our  own 
account ;  sorry  you  can't  join  us — ta-ta.  "  The 
matrons  looked  at  each  other,  then  at  the  hamper, 
and  then  as  the  truth  Hashed  across  them  simul- 
taneously, they  wrenched  the  servants  hamper  from 
him,  and  lo  !  chickens,  sherry,  nuts,  oranges,  and 
sandwiches  were  its  contents.  Although  the 
Harmony  sherry  was  restored,  it  was  some 
moments  before  the  temper  of  the  ladies  reached 
this  condition;  for  women  are  slow  to  understand 
a  practical  joke,  especially  when  it  interferes  with 
their  pleasures.  However,  like  sensible  people 
they  kissed  and  made  friends,  but  nothing  would 
make  them  forgive  the  bad  boy,  the  wicked  instru- 
ment of  their  husbands'  revenge,  and  though 
they  declared  their  disappointments  had  spoiled 
their  appetites,  it  was  a  merry  and  a  hearty  feast 
by  the  sounding  sea. 

Advice  to  a  Bridegroom — Run  away. 


A     LETTER     TO     THE     EDITOR, 


I  have  not  the  self  denial  to  debar 
the  pleasure  of,  pen- and- ink- wise,  patting  you  on 
the  shoulder  and  crying— bravo  !  over  your  tilt  at 
that  must  unknightly  knight's  esquire,  Hubert 
Bancroft.  Unknightly  because  bestriding  a  mis- 
appropriated steed,  he  is  richly  deserving  of  being 

tumbled,    sarin    ceren ie,    out    of    his  saddle  and 

rolled  in  the  dust  of  his  own  fraudulency  till  he  be 
pricked  to  death,  or  so  discomfiited  as  to  be  forced 
forever  to  retire  from  the  lists  of  your  genuine 
literary  men  at  arms. 

But,  to  discard  metaphor,  and  leaving  in  abey- 
ance his  spurious  claims  to  authorship,  Mr.  Ban- 
croft's crime  consists  chiefly  in  this,  that  as  greedy 
corporations  by  power  of  pelf,  nowadays,  monopo- 
lize the  mechanical  earnings  of  the  many,  so  this 
bookseller  magnate  would,  after  a  like  pattern,  and 
with  as  little  actual  right,  monopolize  the  intellect- 
ual earnings  of  the  few — themselves  more  defense- 
less and  in  far  worse  plight  than  the  first  men- 
tioned class.  For  show  me  your  literary  man 
reduced  to  a  mere  penny-a-liner  drudge  subject  to 
the  beck  of  some  conscienceless  book  upholsterer 
of  the  Hubert  Bancroft  stripe,  and  1  will  show 
you  one  of  the  veriest  and  most  pitiable  slaves 
alive. 

As  to  bookmaker  Bancroft's  peculiar  methods 
(aside  from  his  cheap  advertising  tricks)  of  dis- 
posing of  his  pilfered  wares  by  peripatetic  ped- 
dlers, were  it  only  for  the  sake  of  the  unwary,  it 
might  not  be  amiss  to  record  a  protest.  It  would 
be  infinitely  amusing,  then,  were  it  not  so  su- 
premely affronting  to  one's  intelligence,  to  listen 
to  his  brassy  agents'  free  How  of  cunningly  devised 
oily  gammon  of  how  Mr.  Bancroft  sent  him  directly 
to  you  as  a  man  of  acknowledged  standing  in  the 
community,  depending  upon  your  initiatory  sub- 
scribed name  as  a  tower  of  strength  successfully  to 
introduce  his  greatest  and  most,  laborious,  etc., 
etc. ;  of  the  obligations  that  all  are  under  to  your 
own  literary  acumen  ;  of  the  duty  that  you  owe 
to  the  cause  of  education — in  fact  to  society  itself, 
to  forthright  subscribe  to  Mr.  Hubert  Bancroft's 
magnificent  work  on — pah  !  how  the  taint  of  it  in 
the  air  sickens  one.  But  do  }rou,  good  Sir  Wasp,  so 
sicken  him,  with  all  his  pestiferous  brood, as  to  rid 
the  land  of  his  sort  of  literary  vermin  ;  thereby 
winning  the  thanks  of  your  too  long-imposed-upon 
countrymen.  Basil  A.  Hester. 

Stockton,  CaL,  March  ''',  1888, 


A     DOSE     OF     STROTHERINE. 


In  the  heated  discussion  on  Monday  evening  on 
the  reduction  of  salaries  question,  Supervisor 
Lewis  alluded  to  Supervisor  Strother's  oratical 
efforts  as  "spread-eagle  speeches."  Mr.  Strother 
retorted:  "The  member  from  the  ninth  must 
remember  that  the  Supervisors  are  an  association 
of  gentleman,  and  that  personal  allusions  are  rep- 
rehensible. The  gentlemen  should  not  slop  over. 
If  I  slop  over  I  hope  the  member  from  the  ninth 
will  tread  on  the  tail  of  my  coat !  "  By  this  with- 
ering remark  we  suppose  Mr.  Strother  intended  to 
show  what  sort  of  language  a  member  of  "an  asso- 
ciation of  gentlemen  "  ought  to  use  when  adressing 
a  colleague.  But  though  the  expressions  to  "slop 
over,  "  "to  tread  on  the  tail,  "  etc.,  are  doubtless 
what  the  Call  Jenkins  would  describe  as  ultra 
recherche,  still,  we  trust  the  gentleman  will  pardon 
our  presumption  if  we  suggest  that  this  metaphor 
is  a  trine  mixed.  Had  he  said  that  if  he  stopped 
over  he  devoutly  hoped  that  Mr.  Lewis  would 
drown  himself  in  the  consequent  mess,  we  should 
regard  the  metaphor  as  an  exceedingly  forcible  and 
appropriate  one;  for  a  more  awful  fate  than  to  be 
submerged  in  the  liquid  contents  of  Mr.  Strother  - 
or  one  more  inevitably  deadly—  it  is  hard  to 
imagine.  Or  again,  if  he  had  been  consistent  with 
the  lattar  half  of  this  metaphor,  and  had  prayed 
that  should  he  trail  his  coat  upon  the  ground,  Mr. 
Lewis  would  trip  over  the  tails  thereof,  and  break 
his  neck  in  seven  places,  one  might  understand 
that  little  pleasantry.  But,  as  it  is,  the  only 
picture  conjured  up  to  us  by  the  tiowery 
language  of  the  Supervisor  of  the  Eighth  is  that  of 
au  ape  just  tapped  for  a  bad  case  of  dropsy,  be- 
seeching his  fellows  to  neutralize  his  agony  by 
twisting  his  tail. 


THE     CORRAL. 


Doea  a  maimed  soldier  make  a  stump  speech  when    he 

applies  for  an  artificial  limb 


Were  you  ever  galvanized  '; 


The  real  glove  fight  occurs  when  ;i  woman  tries  to  put 
a  No.  G  glove  on  a  No.  7  band. 


He  who  courts  and  goes  away  may  live  to  court  another 
day,  but  he  who  weds  and  courts  girls  still  may  get  in 
court  against  his  will. 

Only  colored  individuals  can  be  black  bald. 

"  That  which  is  permanent,''  says  the  New  York  Sun, 
"  is  always  to  be  preferred  to  that  which  is  only  tran- 
sient."   The  Sun  evidently  never  had  a  boil. 

After  all,  churches  are  the  best  fire-escapes. 

The  Eastern  newspapers  complain  that  a  number  of 
swindlers  are  abroad.  Time  enough  t'>  grow]  when  they 
come  home. 

When  the  little  short  man  begged  the  big  tall  (Voman 
for  a  kiss,  she  Btooped  to  concur. 


Tins  is  the  season  of  the  year  when  the  man  who  fishes 
through  the  ice,  does  so  with  "  baited  breath." 

"  But,  mother,  must  1  with  Mr.  Smuckje dance, and  he 
so  very  old  a  man  ?  " 

"Old  man!  Have  1  not  myself  in  my  single  days 
often  and  much  with  lain  danced,  and  myself  never  about 
his  age  troubled  ?  " 

A  Colorado  man  was  recently  killed  while  gathering  a 
scuttle  of  coal  in  his  back  yard.  After  a  few  heartrend- 
ing occurrences  like  this,  wives  will  begin  to  learn  their 
household  duties. 


An  Irish  Stew— Pixley's  feeling  on  the  17th  of 
March.     A  Jew's-harp — His  vocal  organ. 


"  Doctor,  can  you  tell  me  what's  the  matter  with  him  '.'" 
asked  an  anxious  mother,  whose  son  was  undergoing  a 
medical  examination. 

"  Humor  in  the  blood,*'  replied  the  doctor. 

"  I  knowed  it.  I  told  him  not  to  read  funny  papers, 
but  he  would  do  it,  and  the  first  thing  he  knows  it  will 
strike  his  brain  and  kill  him." 

"  No  danger,  madam.     He  hasn't  any  brain." 

In  these  days  it  should  be  changed  around  so  as  to  read, 
"  Where  there's  a  will  there's  a  way  to  break  it." 


The  young  man  who  called  on  his  girl  the  other  night 
and  mistook  the  cat  for  the  chair  cushion  and  sat  down  on 
it,  says  that  he  had  no  idea  a  cat  could  come  up  to  the 
scratch  on  such  short  notice. 


Bella — "  So  you  were  engaged  to  both  of  us  at  once  ! 
Very  honorable,  I  am  sure  :   and  as  for  me " 

Augustus — "  Oh  !  well,  what's  the  use  of  making  a 
scene?  Father  says  our  house  is  going  to  suspend  pay- 
ment before  March,  and  I  knew  one  of  you,  at  least, 
would  break  off  with  me  then  and  things  would  have  been 
all  right  again." 

"  Penniman,"  said  Brown,  "is  a  wonderfully  versatile 
writer.  Take  a  dozen  of  his  articles  and  you  won't  find 
any  two  of  them  written  in  the  same  vein."  "  No,"  re- 
plied Fogg,  "  but  still  every  one  is  written  in  vain,  just 
the  same." 


Boston  Post :  "  A  man  can  get  through  a  hard  d  ay's 
work  very  comfortably  and  happily  if  he  has  something 
to  look  forward  to  at  eventide  to  cheer  him  on.  This  ap- 
pears to  have  been  the  position  of  the  editor  of  the  Lynn 
Bee  the  other  day,  when  he  remarked  :  '  There  is  a  coal- 
hole cover  within  a  short  distance  of  the  .Sec  office,  and 
we  propose  to  have  lots  of  fun  this  evening  in  watching 
people  wrestle  with  it.'  " 


Avers  &  Son's  Manual  gives  just  the  information 
needed  to  make  a  judicious  selection  of  papers  for  any 
newspaper  advertising.  It  contains  also  many  very  ad- 
vantageous special  offers,  Sent  on  receipt  of  ten  tents. 
Address  N.  W.  Aver  &  Son,  Advertising  Agents,  Tiin  es 
Building,  Philadelphia. 


Physicians  say  it  combines  all  the  desiderata  of  every 
ferruginous  tonic  prescribed  by  every  school  of  medicine. 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


12 


THE     WASP. 


A     DEAD     BILL, 


A  bill  introduced  into  the  State  Senate  by  Mr. 
Cross,  which  was  not  "reached"  is  as  follows: 

Whenever  husband  and  wife  have  lived  separate  and 
apart  from  one  another,  by  agreement  or  otherwise,  for  a 
period  of  at  least  four  years,  neither  party  having  brought 
any  action  to  dissolve  the  bonds  of  matrimony  existing 
between  them  within  four  years  after  the  separation,  the 
People  of  the  State  of  California  may,  upon  the  relation 
of  any  citizen,  bring  an  action  against  both  husband  and 
wife  in  any  Superior  Court  of  this  State  to  have  the  bonds 
of  matrimony  existing  between  said  husband  and  wife 
dissolved.  And  if  it  shall  appear  upon  the  trial  of 
such  action  that  said  husband  and  wife  have 
lived  separately  and  apart  from  one  another  for  a 
period  of  at  least  four  years,  by  agreement  or  otherwise, 
and  that  neither  has  brought  an  action  to  dissolve  the 
marriage  existing  between  them  within  a  period  of  four 
years  after  their  separation,  then  said  Court  where  said 
action  is  pending  shall  enter  a  decree  dissolving  the  bonds 
of  matrimony  existing  between  said  husband  and  wife, 
and  said  Court  may,  in  its  discretion,  so  provide  for  the 
support  of  the  wife  and  children,  if  there  be  any  by  said 
husband,  as  may  be  reasonable  and  just. 

To  us  this  seems  a  very  good  bill,  but  Senator 
Cross  for  its  introduction,  and  Senator  Lynch  be- 
cause he  favored  it,  have  been  subjected  to  a 
good  deal  of  criticism,  and  have  even  had  to  en- 
dure a  tongue-lashing  by  a  woman  who  "thought 
it  meant  her.  "  The  principal  of  the  bill,  aside 
from  any  question  of  its  reasonableness,  has  been 
recognized  in  the  very  foundations  of  the  law.  In 
the  Pandects  it  is  recognized  as  expedient  that  a 
husband  and  wife  who  have  been  separated  four 
years  should  be  divorced  by  decree.  The  old 
common  law  provided  for  the  disolution  of  the 
tie  when  one  party  to  the  contract  had  been  absent 
seven  years.  The  Code  Napoleon,  upon  which  the 
present  law  of  Louisiana  is  founded,  makes  two 
years  of  voluntary  separation  ground  of  divorce. 

As  the  bill  did  not  pass,  the  matter  is  not  of  im- 
mediate importance,  but  such  men  as  Senators 
Cross  and  Lynch  ought  not  to  have  been  subjected 
to  the  public  scolding  of  a  disagreeable  woman 
who  chose  to  think  her  private  grievances  of  suffi- 
cient importance  to  have  attracted  their  atten- 
tion. 


AMERICA    FOR    AMERICAN     RAILROADS, 

From  a  most  interesting  and  valuable  paper  in 
the  current  number  of  the  North  American  Review 
on  "  Railway  Influences  in  the  Land  Office,"  by 
the  Hon.  George  W.  Julian,  we  reprint  the  follow- 
ing brief  account  of  the  growth  of  the  "  land 
grant  "  policy  which  has  grown  into  so  measure- 
less a  mischief  as  to  menace  the  very  existence  of 
the  Republic  : 

"  The  policy  of  stimulating  the  construction  of 
railways  by  grants  of  the  public  domain  had  its  be- 
ginning in  1850,  in  the  grant  then  made  in  aid  of 
the  Illinois  Central  Railway.  The  act  gave  '  every 
alternate  section  of  land  designated  by  even  num- 
bers, for  six  sections  in  width  on  each  side  of  said 
road  and  branches';  and  it  provides  that,  '  in 
case  it  shall  appear  that  the  United  States  have, 
when  the  line  of  said  road  and  brauches  is  defin- 
itely fixed  by  the  authority  aforesaid,  sold  any  part 
of  any  section  hereby  granted,  or  that  the  right  of 
pre-emption  has  attached  to  the  same,  then  it  shall 
be  lawful  for  any  agent  or  agents  appointed  by  the 
Governor  of  said  State,  to  select,  subject  to  the  ap- 
proval aforesaid,  from  the  lands  of  the  United 
States  most  contiguous  to  the  tier  of  sections  above 
specified,  so  much  land,  in  alternate  sections  or 
parts  of  sections,  as  shall  be  equal  to  such  lands  as 
the  United  States  have  sold,  or  to  which  the  right 
of  pre-emption  has  attached  as  aforesaid.  *  *  * 
Provided,  that  the  lands  to  be  so  located  shall  in 
no  case  be  further  than  fifteen  miles  from  the  line 
of  the  road.'  It  was  the  theory  of  this  policy  that 
in  a  belt  of  lands  thus  restricted  in  width  the  re- 
served sections  would  be  duplicated  in  value  by 
their  proximity  to  the  road,  and  that,  while  it 
could  work  no  hardship  to  the  settler  to  pay  a 
double  minimum  for  lands  thus  doubled  in  value, 
the  Government  would  lose  nothing,  and  the  fund 
thus  raised  would  enable  the  road  to  be  built. 
This  act  became  a  precedent  for  all  subsequent 
land-grants  for  the  following  twelve  years  ;  and 
had  it  been  adhered  to,  with  adequate  guards 
against  monopoly;  it  would  have  b^en  perfectly  de- 
fensive, and  generally  most  beneficial  to  the  pub- 
lic But,  in  the  year  1862,  a  radically  different 
policy  was  inaugurated.  Simultaneously  with  the 
pas^u'_,e  of  the  Homestead  Act,  and,  as  if  purpose^ 
intended  to  nullify  its  provisions,  our  land-grant 
policy  put  on  new  shapes,  and  entered  upon  its  his- 


toric career  of  recklessness  and  extravagance.  The 
grant  made  in  aid  of  the  Union  Pacific  Railroad,  of 
July  1st,  1862,  as  subsequently  amended,  gave  ten 
sections  per  mile  on  each  side  of  the  road,  within 
the  limit  of  twenty  miles.  The  grant  to  the  North- 
ern Pacific  Railway  was  of  every  alternate  section 
of  public  land,  not  mineral,  to  the  amount  of 
twenty  sections  per  mile  on  each  side  of  its  line, 
with  the  privilege  of  making  up  deficiencies  within 
ten  miles  on  either  side  of  the  land  granted,  or 
fifty  miles  from  the  line  of  the  road.  The  grant  to 
the  California  aud  Oregon  Railroad,  of  July  25, 
1866,  was  twenty  alternate  sections  per  mile  on 
each  side  of  the  line,  with  the  right  to  make  up  de- 
ficiencies within  ten  miles  of  the  land  granted  ; 
and  the  same  quantity  was  granted  to  the  Atlantic 
and  Pacific,  by  Act  of  July  27th,  1866  ;  and  to  the 
Southern  Pacific,  by  Act  of  the  same  date.  The 
grant  to  the  Oregon  Central  Railroad,  of  May  4th, 
1870,  is  ten  sections  per  mile  on  each  side  of  its 
line,  with  the  right  to  make  up  deficiencies  within 
twenty-five  miles.  The  grant  to  the  Texas  Pacific 
Railroad,  of  March  3d,  1871,  is  twenty  alternate 
sections  per  mile  on  each  side  of  the  road,  with  the 
right  to  make  up  deficiencies  ten  miles  beyond 
these  limits  ;  while  no  limits  are  prescribed  as  to  a 
portion  of  the  route,  and  the  company  is  allowed  to 
make  up  deficiencies  in  the  State  of  California 
within  twenty  miles  of  the  lands  granted.  In 
some  of  the  rapidly  multiplying  grants  made  be- 
tween 1864  and  1870,  the  reserved  even-numbered 
sections  were  granted  after  the  odd  ones  had  been 
exhausted  ;  while,  in  one  instance,  tho  grant,  as 
construed  by  the  Land  Department,  had  no  lateral 
limits,  and  thus  was  a  palpable  perversion  of  the 
letter  and  spirit  of  the  original  policy.  The  peo- 
ple at  last  became  so  thoroughly  aroused,  that  Con- 
gress, over  eleven  years  ago,  was  obliged  to  call  a 
halt ;  but  it  was  not  till  more  than  two  hundred 
million  acres  of  the  people's  patrimony  had  been 
appropriated — an  area  as  large  as  that  of  the  thir- 
teen original  States." 


SOME     OLD      STORIES. 


It  must  be  a  subject  for  poignant  regret  that 
Darwin  died  so  soon.  For  when  the  famous 
naturalist  had  exhausted  the  "  Origin  of  Species  " 
he  might  have  investigated  the  "Origin  of  Old 
Stories,"'  and  unquestionably  he  would  have  dis- 
covered an  inexhaustible  fountain  of  facts  in  Otto 
Edward  Leopold  von  Bismarck-Schonhausen,  Gen- 
eral of  Cuirassiers  and  Doctor  of  Philosophy. 

It  is  indeed  a  miracle  where  the  man  of  blood 
and  iron  picks  up  all  his  old  stories.  Buschen 
preserved  a  host  of  them,  but  there  was  hardly 
one  which  was  not  of  the  most  crusted  and  antique 
kind.  For  iustance  that  tale  of  the  sentry  in 
Russia  who  had — he  aud  his  predecessors — kept 
watch  and  ward  over  a  daisy  planted  by  Catharine 
the  Great,  is  singularly  ancient. 

It  has  been  told  of  a  fir-tree  at  Weimar,  and  of 
a  coat  of  paint  at  Munich,  and  is  a  variant  of  the 
hoary  legend  about  the  sentry  who  was  left  to 
look  after  some  munitions  of  war  at  Dittigen, 
drawing  until  lately,  in  the  persons  of  his  decend- 
ants,  a  pension  for  guarding  the  ghostly  Besses 
and  rusty  halberds.  Here,  again,  is  circling  its 
rounds  that  funny  story  of  the  German  envoy 
who,  when  suddenly  ushered  into  the  Sultan's 
presence,  repeated  the  Creed  for  want  of  something 
better  to  say,  and  passed  muster  admirably.  In 
due  time  the  hero  will  be  described  as  an  English 
Minister,  or  a  Frenchman — as,  indeed,  it  has 
been  before  this — but  in  reality  the  original  of  the 
trick  was  Otto  von  Konigsmarck,  who,  when 
he  went  as  Swedish  Ambsssador  to  the  Court  of 
Louis  XIV.,  forgot  his  speech,  and,  not  to  be 
baulked,  recited  a  portion  of  Luther's  Catechism. 
The  Grand  Monarque  l'  gravely  reciprocated  rthe 
amiable  sentiments,"  though  the  envoy's  suite  had 
some  difficulty  in  keeping  their  diplomatic  coun- 
tenance. 

Half  the  modern  French  anecdotes  are  simply 
washed  versions  of  the  stories  told  by  Rabelais, 
Boccaccio,  or  less  recondite  authors.  What  are 
now  attributed  to  M.  de  Bismarck  or  M.  de  Gorts- 
chakofi*  used,  fifty  years  ago,  to  be  fathered  by 
Rougemont  on  Talleyrand  or  Metternich.  The 
stories  told  of  the  Crimean  War  were  old  in  Wel- 
lington's days  and  were  once  more  nicely  refurb- 
ished to  divert  newspaper  readers  during  the  lat- 
est campaigns  in  Turkey  or  France.  In  truth, 
there  is  scarcely  an  authentic  historical  anecdote. 
Ctesar  never  cried  that  cry  to  Brutus,  and  Canute 
never  wrestled  with  the  tide.     Alfred   never  burnt 


the  cake  in  the  neathead's  cottage  ;  and  Cromwel 
never  said  "  Take  away  that  bauble  !''  Wellington 
always  denied  the  story  of  "  Up,  guards  and  at 
them!'  "  The  gentlemen  of  the  English  guard" 
were  not  requested  to  "  fire  first,"  and  Cambronne 
we  know  now,  was  innocent  of  the  sentiment  about 
the  guard  dying,  but  not  surrendering.  The  story 
of  the  Vengeur  has  long  ago  been  pronounced  a 
myth,  and  the  drummer  Barra  was  not  shot  for 
refusing  to.  shout  "  Vive  le  Roil  !'' 

Only  very  simple  people  believe  nowadays  in  the 
romantic  episode  of  Captain  John  Smith  and  Po- 
cahontas, who  before  marrying'John  Rolfe  had 
been  the  brevet-spouse  of  several  earlier  admirers; 
and  Joan  of  Arc,  so  far  from  being  burnt  at  the 
stake,  "  married  well,"  and  died  the  mother  of  a 
large  family.  Finally,  to  come  to  our  own  times, 
Colonel  Synge  "  and  his  wife  "  were  reported  as 
having  fallen  into  the  hands  of  Macedonian  brig- 
ands. The  lady  was  furthermore  described  as  a 
Greek,  and  an  illustrased  paper  supplied  a  page  of 
heroic  pictures  in  which  "  Mrs.  Synge ,;  figured 
prominently.  It  was,  however,  rather  awkard  to 
discover  that  the  Colonel  was  unmarried,  that  no 
lady  accompanied  him,  and  that  the  entire  mistake 
originated  through  the  blunder  of  a  telegraph- 
clerk  writing  "  safemme  "  for  "sa  fernir." 

It  is  questionable  if  there  is  anything  new.  A 
dinner  was  once  given  to  an  American  dignitary 
by  the  chief  Chinese  merchants  in  San  Francisco. 
It  so  happened  that  the  greatest  anecdotist  in  the 
State  was  sitting  next  to  a  white-moustached  man- 
darin, whom  he  entertained  with  a  choice  selection 
from  his  budget.  His  success  was  flattering  ;  for 
the  host  was  kept  in  a  broad  grin  from  the  time 
they  began  with  the  shark's  fins  to  the  period  they 
finished  with  the  stewed  puppy.  Only  the  racon- 
teur felt  poorly  when  he  was  assured  that  all  this 
hilarity  was  due  to  the  listener  recognizing  the 
tales  lt  as  belly  good  lies  all  'e  way  flom  China." 
London  World. 


"The  New  Zealand  Evangelist" — whoever  he 
may  have  the  ill-fortune  to  be,  has  opened  a  series 
of  all  night  prayer  meetings  at  Dr.  Jewell's  Church 
on  Howard  street.  The  prayiug  begins  about  ten 
o'clock  p.  m.,  and  is  kept  up  till  six  a.  m.  ,  next 
morning,  barring  a  "recess"  of  an  hour  for  the 
lubricating  of  jaws,  and  an  exchange  of  religious 
scandal  all  round.  Since  the  Lord  is  popularly 
supposed  to  listen  to  the  prayers  of  the  righteous, 
this  arrangement  must  be  a  rather  heavy  call  upon 
Deity's  time  and  patience.  "How  long  O  Lord? 
How  long  ?  "  is  a  favorite  cry  with  I  he  truly  pious. 
Surely  now  the  conumdrum  ought  to  be  propoun- 
ded by  the  other  side.  Still,  an  all  night  prayer 
meeting  is  not  without  its  merits.  For  instance 
it  will  beat  the  "lodge"  and  club  rackets  all  to 
pieces  as  an  excuse  for  late  hours,  and  as  its  use 
will  be  almost  the  exclusive  privelege  of  the  wives 
and  deacons,  there  is  a  certain  retributive  justice 
about  it  whicli  we  rather  admire. 


Since  the  dismantling  of  the  gas  lamps,  and  the 
melancholy  and  dangerous  condition  of  the  city  in 
consequence,  brass-knuckles  and  pocket- pistols 
have  been  quoted  at  a  higher  figure  than  they  have 
been  for  years.  The  risk  of  being  garotted  or  sand- 
clubbed  and  robbed  will  materially  increase  on  the 
adjournment  of  the  Legislature.  So  many  desper- 
ate men  thrown  out  of  employment  will  make  travel 
through  this  city,  after  midnight,  a  dark  and  per- 
ilous undertaking.  The  utmost  vigilance  will  be 
required  on  the  part  of  the  police  to  save  us  from 
total  anarchy,  and  the  citizen  who  goes  abroad  un- 
armed, knowing  that  the  San  Francisco  delegation 
is  in  town,  can  justify  himself  only  by  the  plea  of 
anxiety  to  realize  on  his  life  insurance  policy. 


"Ah,  yes,  "  said  Mrs.  Finniken  of  Oakland,  at  her 
fancy  dress  ball,  "  I  much  prefer  the  society  of 
young  folks;  they  are  so  much  more  congenial  to 
me.  The  fact  is,  when  people  get  married  I  lose 
interest  in  them  !  " 

"  That's  so,  "sighed  Finniken;  "  you  lost  all 
interest  in  me  as  soon  as  I  married  you! " 


"Tell  you  about  our  Churches  ?  "  said  Funny- 
gag  to  a  recently  arrived  minister  :  "  Certainly. 
You  see  at  the  Advent  we  have  the  worst  preacher 
in  town;  at  St.    John's   the   worst  singing;  at   St. 

Luke's  the  longest  sermons;  and  at  Trinity well, 

at  Trinity  we.  have  the  three  in  one  !  " 


THE     WASP. 


13 


BEATING    THE    'KEEP. 


We  are  sorrowfully  compelled  to  confess  that 
Mr.  Peck,  of  the  Milwaukee  Sun,  appears  to  know 

more  plans  for  beating  barkeepers  out  of  drinks 
than  a  strict  attention  to  editorial  duties  gives  a 
newspaper  man  the  leisure  to  learn.  His  latest 
revelation  is  as  follows  ; 

"'  opposite  the  criminal  court  in  Chicago  is  a  row 
of  saloons,  and  when  one  bar-tender  gets  beat  lie 
steers  the  beat  on  to  the  rest.  The  other  day  a 
fairly  dressed  man  came  in  and  asked  for  a  drink, 
and  after  disposing  of  it  lie  leaned  over  the  bar  and 
confidentially  told  the  bar-keeper  that  he  had  no 
money  but  he  expected  a  friend  in  from  Peoria  at 
three  o'clock  and  would  drop  in  and  pay.  He  was 
too  respectable  looking  to  thump,  and  so  the  bar- 
tender just  looked  at  him  in  disgust  and  he  went 
out.  A  little  after  three  o'clock  the  man  came  in 
with  a  friend,  and  with  his  thumb  and  linger  in  his 
vest  pocket,  lie  said,  smiling,  *  I  suppose  you 
thought  I  would  not  come  around  again.'  The 
bar-tender  smiled,  and  said,  'Sir,  I  knew  you 
would  come  back.  I  can  tell  a  gentleman  when  I 
see  one.  and  I  said  to  myself,  That  gentleman  is 
good  for  all  he  calls  for.'  The  man  thanked  the 
bar-tender  for  his  confidence,  and  said  it  was  pleas- 
ant these  days  when  there  were  so  many  beats 
around  to  feel  that  business  men  had  not  entirely 
lost  confidence  in  everybody.  Then  he  called  for 
the  drinks,  and  he  and  his  friend  took  good,  square, 
everyday  sort  of  full  glasses,  and  after  he  had  wiped 
his  mouth  and  asked  what  brand  of  whisky  that 
was,  and  said  they  would  take  one  more,  he  said  to 
the  bar-tender,  'I  came  in  to  tell  you  that  my 
friend  from  Peoria  did  not  arrive.  I  expect  he  will 
be  here  at  six  o'clock,  when  I  will  come  in  and 
demonstrate  to  you  that  your  confidence  is  well 
placed.'  " 

Newton  Booth,  of  California,  is  in  the  city  look- 
ing better  than  when  he  ceased  to  be  a  Senator, 
two  years  ago.  I  wonder  if  he  has  any  idea  of  be- 
ing a  Civil  Service  Commissioner  ?  Possibly.  He 
came  East  on  account  of  the  sickness  of  his  mother 
in  Indiana,  but  he  may  have  had,  properly  enough, 
other  objects  in  view.  I  shouldn't  be  surprised  to 
see  him  in  office  again.  He  tells  me  that  Califor- 
nia will  probably  be  a  Democratic  State  for  some 
years  to  come.  The  Germans  seem  to  have  gone 
out  of  the  Republican  party  to  stay,  on  the  Sun- 
day-keep and  beer-drinking  issue.  He  says  that 
Stoneman  was  nominated  as  the  opponent  of  the 
railroad,  elected  by  an  arrangement  with  the  rail- 
roads, and  now  seems  to  be  again  opposing  them. 
David  S.  Terry,  the  man  who  killed  Broderick,  is 
the  power  behind  the  throne,  and  Mr.  Booth  says 
he  seems  to  be  making  a  good  administration. 
Washington  Capital. 


The  late  Cardinal  Donnet  had  a  pretty  and  a 
pleasant  wit.  Dining  once  with  a  plutocrat  who 
for  some  reason  kept  his  good  wine  to  the  last,  the 
Cardinal  praised  a  glass  of  Chablis  with  the  words, 
"  bonus  vinus. "  The  host  stared  to  hear  an  Arch- 
bishop talk  such  bad  Latin,  but  presently,  when 
some  unimpeachable  Chateau  Larose  was  produced, 
the  Cardinal  remarked,  blandly  :  "  Bonum  vinum; 
a  bon  vin,  bon  Latin. "  One  of  the  last  good  things 
Cardinal  Donnet  did  was  to  reproach  ayoung  priest 
who  preached  excitedly  about  the  "  persecutions  " 
which  the  church  was  suffering  in  those  times. 
"Persecution  is  a  big  word,"  said  the  Cardinal  ; 
"  what  expression  will  you  invent  if  a  worse  time 
should  come  ?" 


It  is  a  rare  treat  to  see  a  Parisienne  cross  a  muddy 
street.  She  advances  tip-toe  to  the  edge  of  the 
pavement.  There  she  poises  like  a  bird  ready  for 
flight,  and  then  deftly  she  raises  her  dres3  more 
than  enough  to  show  her  embroidered  skirt,  the 
dainty  hose  and  elegant  bottines,  and  without  more 
delay  she  trips  across,  toe  and  heel  hardly  touch- 
ing, and  mud  refusing  to  cling  to  the  fairy  feet  that 
hardly  leave  an  impression  on  it.  Landed  on  the 
other  side  she  gives  her  fine  feathers  a  little  shake 
into  place  and  passes  on  with  shoes  that  look  as  if 
put  on  at  that  moment. 


"He  is  so  changed  now,  since  he  stopped  drink- 
ing," she  tearfully  explained.  "  From  a  lively, 
kind-hearted  man  he  has  become  morose,  cross  and 
stingy.  Why,  when  he  was  about  half  full  he  was 
one  of  the  cheerfulest  men  you  ever  saw,  and  he 
never  came  home  without  remembering  to  bring 
something  nice  for  us.     No  matter  how  late  it  was, 


>  d  always  have  something.  Why,  I've  let  him 
in  many  a  time  at  two  or  three  o'clock  in  the  morn- 
ing, when  he  would  feel  so  badly  that  he  would 
drop  right  down  in  the  parlor  and  go  to  sleep  on  the 
oil  cloth,  but  I  could  always  depend  on  finding  a 
turkey,  or  a  can  of  oy&ters,  or  a  ham.  or  something 
lying  alongside  of  him.  Yes,  he  was  a  good  man 
when  he  was  drunk.  He  was  fuller'n  a  goose  «  hen 
he  bought  the  piano  and  my  watch  and  chain,  and 
everything  else  that  we've  got  that  cost  more  than 
fifteen  cents,  but  that's  all  over  with  now,  and  I 
wish  1  was  dead,"  and  she  burst  into  a  fresh  flood 
of  tears  and  refused  to  be  comforted. 


It  is  necessary  to  know  how  to  distinguish  be- 
tween butter  and  oleomargarine  without  tasting 
the  substance  in  doubt.  This  is  the  plan  commu- 
nicated by  Mrs.  Caroline  Dall  to  the  Boston  Tnm- 
script  : 

11  Butter  is  pure  oil.  Put  a  little  in  a  warm 
place,  and  see  how  quickly  it  liquifies.  If  the  tem- 
perature comes  close  to  boiling,  the  butter  is  (  oil- 
ed '  and  unfit  for  food.  Try  the  same  experiment 
with  oleomargarine.  It  will  not  harm  it,  and  you 
will  hud  it  difficult  to  melt  it  if  you  drop  it  in  boil- 
ing water.  It  will  dissolve  like  tallow,  not  like 
butter.  It  also  cuts  like  tallow,  with  a  sort  of  me- 
talic glint.  Oleomargarine,  if  'flavored'  with  true 
butter  and  made  into  '  prints  '  always  keeps  the 
print  in  the  original  clear  lines.  You  can  handle  it 
without  crushing  it.  It  seems  as  if  it  had  just 
come  off  the  ice." 


The  late  Gustave  Dore  was  full  of  gaminpriea  or 
larkiness.  Some  years  ago,  in  the  country,  he  heard 
that  the  village  priest  was  suddenly  taken  ill.  The 
idea  at  once  occurred  to  him  to  slip  into  the  confes- 
sional and  see  what  adventure  might  befall  him 
there.  In  a  few  moments  a  chatelaine  of  the  neigh- 
borhood entered.  Dore  heard  her  confession.  Be- 
fore he  returned  to  Paris  he  was  invited  to  dine  at 
the  chateau.  After  dinner  he  had  a  seance  >!>' 
chlromancie.  The  lady  of  the  house  nearly  fainted 
when  he  told  her  from  the  palm  of  her  hand  what 
the  romance  of  her  life  had  been. 


A  doctor  is  called  in  to  prescribe  for  a  sick  child, 
and,  having  examined  the  patient,  writes  a  perscrip- 
tion  and  leaves  instructions  as  to  the  treatment  of 
the  little  sufferer. 

On  making  his  visit  the  next  morning  the  prince 
of  science  is  surprised  to  find  the  household  in 
tears. 

"  My  poor  child  !  "  sobs  the  mother,  "  I  never 
thought  that  he  would  have  died  of  croup  !  " 

"Of  croup?"  echoes  the  doctor;  "do  you 
mean  to  say  the  child  had  croup  'I  Why  didn't 
you  tell  me  \  " 


A  worthy  bourgeois  is  telling  his  wife  of  the 
statue  of  Francis  I. 

"  Is  it  an  equestrian  statue  1  "  she  asks. 

"  We- ell,  it  is  somewhat  equestrian  !  "  is  the 
guarded  reply. 

»-  ^  % 

Speaking  of  mashers,  what  is  the  difference  be- 
tween a  sportsman  and  Gebhard  ?  One  pets  his 
clog,  and  the  other  dogs  his  pet. 


When  they  build  a  railway  the  first  thing  they  do 
is  to  break  ground.  This  is  often  done  with  great 
ceremony.  Then  they  break  the  shareholders. 
This  is  done  without  ceremony. 


"  Never  kiss  anybody  on  the  mouth,"  says  Dr. 
Hall,  "unless  you  are  reckless  of  consequences." 
That's  what  we  are.  Let  them  bite  if  they  want 
to. 

The  War  Department  is  seriously  considering 
the  expediency  of  increasing  the  army,  so  as  to 
have  as  many  soldiers  as  paymasters. 

"Civil  service,  indade,"  said  Bridget.  "Faith, 
an'  I  think  they've  been  very  uncivil  to  me  durin' 
me  service  here  'I  " 


Lady  funambulists  are  green  with  jealousy  when 
they  see  a  bride  walking  into  church  on  her  father's 
ar  m .  

Under  cover  of  the  sewer  gas,  the  designing 
mince  pie  escapes  rebuke. 


PLAIN 
TRUTHS 


The  blood  is  (lie  foundation  of 
life,  it  circulates  through  every  part 
of  the  body,  ami  uuluss  it  is  pure 
and  rich,  good  health  is  impossible. 
If  disease  has  entered  the  system 
the  only  sure  and  quick  way  to  drive 
it  out  is  to  purify  and  enrich  the 
blood. 

These  simple  facts  are  well 
known,  and  the  highest  medical 
authorities  agree  that  nothing  but 
iron  will  restore  the  blood  to  its 
natural  condition  ;  and  also  that 
all  the  iron  preparations  hitherto 
made  blacken  the  teeth,  cause  head- 
ache, and  are  otherwise  injurious. 

Br<  iWN'S  I  Ron  Bitters  will  thor- 
oughly and  quickly  assimilate  with 
the  blood,  purifying  and  strengthen- 
ing it,  and  thus  drive  disease  from 
any  part  of  the  system,  and  it  will 
not  blacken  the  teeth,  cause  head- 
ache or  constipation,  and  is  posi- 
tively not  injurious. 

Saved  Ins  Child. 

J7  N.  Eiuaw  St.,  Baltimore,  Md. 
Feb.  12,  1880. 

Cents: — Upon  tlie  recommenda- 
tion uf  a  friend  I  tried  Brown's 
Ihon  Bittehs  as  a  tonic  and  re- 
storative far  my  daughter,  whom 
1  was  thoroughly  convinced  was 
wasting  away  with  Consumption. 
Having  lost  three  daughters  by  tin- 
terrible  disease,  under  the  care  of 
eminent  physicians,  1  was  loth  to 
believe  that  anything  could  arrest 
the  progress  of  the  disease,  but,  tt 
my  great  surprise,  before  my  daugh- 
ter bad  takun  onebotUeof  Bhown's 
Ikon  Bitters,  she  began  to  mend 
and  now  is  quite  restored  to  former 
health.  A  fifth  daughter  began  to 
show  signs  of  Consumption,  and 
when  the  physician  was  consulted 
lie  quickly  said  "Tonics  were  re- 
quired :"  and  when  informed  that 
the  elder  sister  was  taking  Bkown's 
Ihon  Bittehs,  responded  "that  u 
a  good  tonic,  take  it." 

Adoram  Phelps. 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters  effectual- 
ly cures  Dyspepsia,  Indigestion  and 
Weakness,  and  renders  the  greatest 
relief  and  benefit  to  persons  suffering 
from  such  wasting  disea'ses  as  Con- 
sumption, Kidney  Complaints,  etc. 


KIDIfEY-WORt 


THE  GREAT  CURE 
FOR 

—RHEUMATISM 


iio  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS, 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize, 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 

of  the  worst  forms  of  thia  terrible  disease 

have  beon  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  $t,  1,10.110  011  DRV,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 

Dry  cau  he  sent  by  moll. 
WELLS,  RICHARDSON  &  Co. ,  Burlinfrton  Vfc 


Ki-DNEY-WOFTrVl 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

In  a  ceruln  cure  for  KKRYOUS  DF.BILITT. 

LOST  MtXHOOD,  and  nil  tbo  evil  efleou  or 

ithful  rnlllei  and  ex -ousts. 

Olt.  HIKTIB.  who  In  u  regular  pbyololan, 

mile  if  tin'  University  of  Puunsylvanln, 

.'Hi'  ['I  forftll  Hip  Hundred  Dullar*  for 

oofthc  kind  the  VITAL  HLHTOlUTIVB 

it  hla  special  ndvioo  and  treatment)  will 

;urc.   Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  th« 

tity,   $10.      Sent  to  nuy   ail  draw,  Co(m- 

ially,  by  A.  E.  MINTIR,  M.  D.,  No.  II 

in  Street,  S.  F.     S»nd  fur  pnmphlct, 

AMPLE  BOTTLE  FREE  "ill  bo  Hoot  to 

one  applying  by  letter,  alatlng  armptomn, 

uud  oae.  'strict  oecrccj-  Id  fll  transaction!. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS, 


That  the  negotiations  which  were  to  have  secured  the 
Baldwin  Theater  to  the  Madison-Square  management 
for  a  long  period  have  been  unsuccessful  is  to  be  regretted. 
The  character  of  their  plays  and  their  representation  evi- 
dence such  an  honest  endeavor  to  please  with  something 
intrinsically  better  than  ordinary  that  their  absence  will 
leave  a  void  in  dramatic  entertainments  which  cannot  be 
easily  filled.  We  have  had  rather  more  than  enough  of 
French  human  nature,  and  have  been  gorged  ad  nauseam 
with  coarse  melo-dramatic  vulgarity.  Now,  just  when  we 
were  about  to  congratulate  ourselves  upon  securing  a 
management  which  would  produce  plays  that  are  clean  as 
well  as  entertaining,  some  u.iforseen  obstacle  makes  their 
longer  stay  among  us  impossible.  It  is  not  quite  clear 
where  the  "  hitch  "  occurs,  but  it  is  certain  that  to-night 
will  be  the  last  performance  at  the  Baldwin  Theater  by 
the  Madison-Square  Company,  who,  after  performing 
short  engagements  in  the  neighboring  towns  of  Oakland, 
San  Jose,  Stockton  and  Sacramento,  will  wend  their  way 
Eastward,  bidding  a  long  farewell  to  the  Pacific  Coast. 
Their  successors  at  the  Baldwin  will  be  the  Horace  Ungard 
Company,  who  open  Monday  with  The  Parvenu,  said 
to  be  an  excellent  comedy. 

The  Theodore  Thomas  Musical  Festival  is  progressing 
very  satisfactorily.  Mr.  Loring  has  called  a  meeting  of 
singers  and  choral  societies  for  the  purpose  of  arranging 
preliminary  rehearsals  of  some  parts  of  the  programme, 
that  comprises  Mendelssohn's  Elijah,  St.  Paul  and  Hymn 
of  Praise  ;  selections  from  Gluck's  Alceste  and  Wagner's 
Parsifal ;  pai  ts  of  the  Trilogie  and  scenes  from  Lolwttrtviu  ; 
besides  works  by  Beethoven,  Mozart,  Weber,  Berlioz,  and 
selections  from  "popular"  composers.  In  addition  to 
the  soloists  already  mentioned,  Mrs.  Norton-Hardeggen, 
wife  of  the  well-known  violoncellist,  who  is  a  member  of 
the  Thomas  Orchestra,  Mrs.  Humphrey- Allen  and  Mr. 
Frederic  Harvey,  have  been  engaged  to  appear  during  the 
festival  in  this  city.  The  first  week  in  June  has  been 
agreed  upon  for  the  initial  performance.  This  is  an  en- 
terprise which  should  stir  the  pride  of  San  Francisco. 
Similar  undertakings  in  Cincinnati  and  Chicago  were  at- 
tended by  such  gratifying  results  that  a  most  generous 
support  will  be  necessary  to  rival  their  success. 

Last  Sunday's  German  performance  was  enjoyable,  all 
the  principals  appearing  to  good  advantage,  particularly 
the  soubrette,  who  showed  a  surprising  degree  of  clever- 
ness in  the  part  of  "Therese."  Mr.  Link  appears  next 
Sunday  evening  as  "  Wurzelsepp,"  a  tramp,  a  character 
which  has  earned  for  him  the  warmest  commendation  by 
the  Eastern  press. 

At  the  Tivoli  Linda  di  Chamounix  attracts  crowds  of 
listeners,  whose  unstinted  applause  testifies  to  the  satis- 
factory manner  of  its  rendering.  It  is  in  many  respects 
the  best  performance  ever  had  at  that  popular  place  of 
amusement. 

At  the  Winter  Garden  resurrected  Pip  Van  Winkle, 
rheumatic,  ungrammatic,  absurd  and  harhly  treated, 
finds  indulgent  audiences,  who  regard  poor  "  Rip"  as  a 
sort  of  "short-stop"  to  opera  bouffe. 

The  theft  of  the  Ped  Pocketbook  was  not  accomplished 
until  Wednnesday,  the  public  refusing  to  furnish  the  con- 
tents until  then. 

In  the  beginning  of  April  the  talented  and  well-known 
soubrette  Miss  Mathilde  Cotrelly  is  to  appear  in  this  city 
supported  by  McCaul*s  English  Opera  Troupe. 

Modjeska  is  to  appear  at  the  Baldwin  Theater  May  7th. 

Note.— In  last  week's  "Talk"  the  writer  was  made  by  disobe- 
dient types  to  apeak  of  "  Young  Mis.  Wixslow  "  at  the  Baldwin, 
and  was  placated  only  by  repeated  doses  of  Soothing  Syrup  ad- 
ministered in  editorial  taffy.— Editor  Wasp. 


On  the  Third  page  of  the  cover  of  the  Wasp  will  be  found 
an  advertisement  of  San  Leandro  Village  Carts.  They 
are  said  to  be  among  the  best  and  most  popular  of  these 
convenient  and  fashionable  turnouts,  and  we  invite  atten- 
tion to  the  card  aforesaid.  The  advertisement  will  occupy 
the  same  place  from  week  to  week,  but  the  cuts  and  mat- 
ter will  be  changed  each  issue  until  all  the  styles  made 
are  presented. 

***  "  Keep  your  place  and  your  place  will  keep  you." 
But  yon  cannot  expect  to  keep  your  place  without  health, 
the  foundation  of  all  success.  For  instance,  a  railroad  en- 
gineer in  the  employ  of  the  C.  M.  &  St.  Paul  P.  P.  had 
been  greviously  affected  with  diabetes  for  six  years.  He 
took  four  boxes  of  Kidney- Wort  and  now  writes  that  he  is 
entirely  cured  and  working  regularly. 

More  universally  recommended  than  any  proprietary 
medicine  made.  A  sure  snd  reliable  tonic.  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters. 


A  GOOD  FAMILY  HOTEL. 
Families  and  travelers  visiting  Sacramento  will  find 
the  Puss  House  situated  on  J  street  above  Tenth,  one  of 
the  cleanest  and  best  appointed  hotels  in  the  State.  The 
building  is  a  new  brick,  furnished  elegantly  throughout, 
having  all  modern  improvements.  Mr.  M.  H.  Henley,  a 
gentleman  well  known  in  this  city,  and  in  fact  all  over 
the  coast,  is  proprietor.  Mrs.  Henley  and  her  two  amia- 
ble daughters  superintend  the  household  duties,  making 
everything  home-like  to  the  weary  traveler.  Notwith- 
standing the  great  expense  in  fitting  up,  and  the  splendid 
table  furnished  the  guests  the  prices  are  only  from  81  to 
§1  50  per  day  for  board  and  lodging.  The  street  cars 
from  the  depot  pass  the  house  every  five  minotes.  Try 
the  "  Puss." 

*  Many  ladies  who  had  scarcely  enjoyed  the  luxury  of 
feeling  well  for  years  have  been  so  renovated  by  using 
Lydia  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound  that  they  have 
triumphed  over  the  ills  flesh  is  said  to  be  heir  to,  and  life 
has  been  crowned  with  the  added  charm  of  a  fresher 
beauty. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Pose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  JL.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder&  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

SPUING  1883. 
As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace' 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 


PENNYROYAL  PiLLS^ 


£3T  The  most  brilliant  shades  possible,  on  all  fabrics, 
are  made  by  the  Diamond  Dyes.  Unequalled  for  bril- 
liancy and  durability.     10  cts. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


BIRD'S     QUAKER_   RESTAURANT. 

ON  OR  ABOUT  MARCH  1st,  18S3,  THE  COM- 
modious  and  elegant  quarters,  No.  33  Post  street,  be- 
tween Kearny  and  Montgomery,  in  the  MECHANICS' 
INSTITUTE  BUILDING,  will  be  opened  as  the  finest 
and  most  accessible  Breakfast  and  Lunch  Rooms  in  the 
city.  Everything  new  and  inviting.  Strict  attention 
paid  to  every  detail. 


SAN  FRANCISCO  ADVERTISING  AGENCY 
Established    1870. 

A.  MACSORLEY  &  CO., 

3061  Jessie  St.,    Distributors, 

Respectfully  solicit    your  orders  for  the 
distribution   of   advertisements. 
Large  experience.  Excellent  references. 

JtST  Call  or  address  postal  card. 


I  liavo  a  positive  re- 
medy Cur  the  above  dis- 
ease :  by  Its  >.-■■  i  him-. 
_  nnds  ot  cases  of  tho 
_  --longstanding  have  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
Is  my  faith  In  Its  otllcacv,  that  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FKEE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TltEATlSE  n»  Mils  disease,  to  iiny  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DB.T.  A.  SLOCUJI,  181  Pearl  St.,  N.Y. 


CONSUMPTION 


DEALERS  JN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


JVlorris  &    JKLeiinecly. 

19  and  2l  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


J  are  Safe,  Certain 
I  and     Elleetual. 

aUdparticuar,3c 

TfleCascaraMfg  Co.  2313  Madison  Square,  Phila,  Pa 


Doable  Throat, 

Oil  AWIMAZ,  IMITATOR* 

It  imitates  every  sound  in  thennimnl  king- 
dom from  the  thrill  of  the  Nightingale  to 
the  howl  of  a  wolf.  After  little  practice  your 
mouth  will  seem  to  be  a  complete  meuagc- 
"""  'an  raise  n.  laugh  or  d  piercing  cry 


tied  YOrTTT,  for  f/irr 
send  hi  lli  Cents  in  | 
person  we  will  send  Ft 
Throat.  We  nuke  tl 
paper  into  new  homes.    YOUTH 


-  o\'erfln' 


h  churn  i- 
n-slm-R-s  fiketetu'S,  poems,  puzzles  itr.  For  IfiJ.flO,  we  will 
end  oiuht  siibsrript  ions  and  eight  Double  Thn-:iti  (jet  seven 
riends  to  join  vuu  nod  I  bus  secure  voiirown  free.  Address, 
Youth  Fith'rt  Co.,    25  T>oauc   St.,    Boat  mi.    Mass. 


DR.THOMAS  HALL'S 


ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  Riving  tone  and  strength 
to  tin-  sr  , ..  icl  ,    ..-.  ..-  a  tunic  Leverage  it  litis  no 

aad  Ague,  Biliousness",  Ueuenti  buuility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicul  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

jJSTForsale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drugstore,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Bros Proprietors  and  Manager* 

First  week  and  great  success  of  Donizetti's 
romantic  opera,  in  three  acts, 

LINDA      DI      CHAMOUNIX   ! 


Monday,  March  12-MARITANA  ! 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 

SUNDAY,     -     -    -_ -      MARCH  nth, 

Last  appearance  but  two  of 

^Ldolf      Link! 

In  the  great  character  part  of  "  Wurzelsepp, 
the  Vagabond,"  in  Augengraber's  cele- 
brated sensational  play,  with  songs, 

DER   PFARRER  _V0N    KIRCHFELD  ! 

Reserved  seats  every  Saturday  at  Sherman  &  Clay's  from 
7  till  5  o'clock,  and  every  Sunday  at  California  Theater. 

Baldwin    Theater. 

OUSTAVE  FKOHMAN Lessee 


SATURDAY  MATINEE  AND  EVENING. 

HAZEL        KIRKEI 

By  the  entire 

MADISON  SQUARE  THEATER  CO'Y. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO.  ,     SOUTH  PACIFIC  COAST  R.  R.         NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 


i  of  this  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
jNVnart,  San  Francisco,  for  ports  in  California,  Ore- 
,  (ton,  Washington  and  Idaho  Territories,  British 
I  Columbia  :m<i  Alaska,  as  follow*  : 
<;ilir,,rnl:,  Hon!  him  <'ou«t  Knutr.  The  Steamers  OIll- 
ZABA  and  AKCON  aail  every  Are  days  at  0  a.m.  for  San  Luli 
Ohispo,  Bantu  Barbara,  Los  Angelee  and  San  Diego,  u  follows: 
ijKlZAl;\,  loth,  20tl  md  30th  of  each  month.  ANCON,  5th,  loth 
and  ir>th  of  eaeh  month.  The  Steamer  M)S  ANGELES  aailseven 
Wednesday  at  B  a.  h.  for  Santa  f'ruz,  Monterey,  San  Simeon  I  lay- 
Boss,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

i-.l^1*1'    *"■•■■■»••■>■"    and    Alaska    Boat*.      6*  unship 

fc.i  Kt-hA,  carrying  U.  s.  .Mail-,  -ads  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  caeh  month,  for  Port  Townsend  W  T.  Vic- 
toria, and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  Harrlsbnnr, 

Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Towmeml  with  Victoria  and  Paget 
Sound  Steamer  tearing  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 
t-,Vf!or'"  n"''  v""'1  Sound  Itoul.-.- The  SteamereGEO.  W. 
tLlltK  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  ilritt.anic  Majesty's  and  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  !  p.  M 
on  the  10th,  20th.  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle, Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olvmpln,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
HJnes,  Banauno,  New  Wot  minster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
r.  n.  on  tlie  9th.  10th  and  29th  o/  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esnui- 
mault)  at  11  A.  a.  on  the  10th,  20Hl  and  30th  of  each  month. 
Note.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  .N  ew  H  estminster  and  ATanaimo  about  even"  two  weeks  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alt' a  or  Garni. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Rome.- The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
?}'™^,"Sp«>r  Street  Wharf  one  °<  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
HE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  .Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
ixpress,  every  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A,  M.  for  Portland 
and  Astona,  Oregon. 

!s&£!r@?  ".P**  nnmboldt  Bay  Ronle.-Steamer  CITY  OF 
SI       .    ,  8  ,ron1  3an  Franeisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 

(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  A.  M. 

c.i£0.™\.rrr,'.Pa  an<1  Mendocino  Roule.-Steamer  CON- 
ST ANTI.N  E  sails  ironi  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  r.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas.  Cuffev's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street, 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL.  PERKINS  &.  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

I>lablihlic€l  ......  1850 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

<  u;ir;i  hi,  ,i(  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES     ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  30  per  cenf.   Lower  than  any  oilier  House  on 
the    Coast. 

«-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE  "Et 

BILLIABDS! 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard -room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  Doise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  durim:  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  arid  patented  by 

■  MUE\  <  III  \  ii  -v \ .« 'ontinental  Hotel.  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  bv  H.  W.  COLLENDEB.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
SI  per  doz    For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.  ap-14 

RUPTURE 

Kelieved  and  cured  without  the  injury  trusses  inflict,  by 
Dr.  J.  A.  SHERMAN'S  method.  Office,  251  Broadway, 
New  York.  Book,  with  likenesses  of  bad  capes  before  and 
after  cured,  mailed  for  10  cents. 


Oakland.   Alameda,   Newark,   Ban   Joae,  l<».  (Satajfa 

fnlenwiMiil,  lelton   and    Santa  Cruz. 

piCTURESQl-E  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
*  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Monterej  Bay.  Fortg  milee  shorter  Jap 
SANTA  CRTJZ  than  any  otbet  route.  No  change  of  cars  ;  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  bed  ftrat-clatw.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  le  -  l 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  mouth  sikk,  at 

8iQfl   A.  M.,  daily,  West  San   Is<tliw>,  W..st  San  U-andro,  Rus- 
■  uu  sella,  Ut  Eden,  Alvarado,  Halls.  Newark.  Centerville, 

UowryB,  Alvisp,  Agpews,  Santa  Clara.  SAN  JOSE.  Los  Gatos, 
Alma,  tt  righto.  Highland,  Qlenwood,  Doughertys,  Felton  Big  Trees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  M. 

2 .OH  ''  M  ■  1,J|K  ESfpreas:  Mt  Bden,  Alvarado,  Newark,  Cen- 
■  OU  terville,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Banto  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  and  Los 
Gat«,s     Through  In  S  1XTA  «  UIZ  every  Saturday. 

4 ,Qn  p-  M.  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  J<  »SF.  and  intcrmedi- 
■Oil  ate  stations. 
nil  Sundayg.  Sportsmen^  Train,  4:30  a.  m.    Return  train 

Ull   leaves  San  Jose  at  5:15  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:35. 
<hr  EXCLUSIONS    To    SANTA    CRCZ   AND    $8.50  TO  SAN 
U)\J  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundavg,  to  return  until  Honda;    U 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    ALAMEDA. 

§6:30— 7:30— $30—  9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  1112:30-1:30—2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—6:30—7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 
—46:57— 7:57— 8:52—  9:52— 10:52— •[11:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—1:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  Illsh  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §6:45—  7:45— 8:35-9:35 
— 10:35— «[11:35  a.  M.  12:35—1:35—2:35—3:35^:35—5:35—6^5 
—10:05  P.  M. 

;l>aih  ,  Sninl.i;,  -  tA.'.jptcd.      ",    Sunday-  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  bv  anv  other  route.     Trv  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  822  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.   H.  FKACKEK,  R.    M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  *  P.  Agt 

Citizens*  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  8450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  350,000 

Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,    -    "  435.000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -"  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansorue  Street,  8.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 


Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE   AND  >1   rES  OF  RIVER 

transportation  i 

■  ■  ■ 

I  p  the  <  olumMa      i  :    n,  Walla 

'*  iDa.  !'■■  ■  ton  thi  P  douse  Counti  River  Points,  and 
Lewiston  ; 

I  !•  tin     IVnd  U'On-llle    IMU-inii  -To  Ainswort): 

i  i  ■    Pend  d'Oreille,  and  all  i 
Northern  I 

ip  the  HiiiaiiM'itr  VaUbej     r     Oregon  City, Salem   uid 
the  beautiful  country  of  Southern  I  i] 
Down  tin-  t'oluiiihia  - Through  th< 

■  Ti-t  and  Intermedi  iU  Point 
Over  to  Paget   Aonnd    ToTacoms   OI3  inula,  Seattle,  Port 
Townsend,   Victoria   and   B  I    jhan    B  ■        lecnon  aorlTaJi  I  foi 
its  delightful  cl  prosj 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

Daily  Stages  connect  with   trains  on  Clark'a  Fori.  I 
■  1  n   tfoi  MtHSOoJa  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup  •  -i  Tr  iffli    Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Francisco  office    m  Montgomery  si. 


:863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &.  CO.,  . 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FKANCISOO,   OAL. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elm  wood,    dflenwood,   Hudson  and   Our  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELM  WOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


A  KEY  /  ;     THAT         = 

WILLWIND  "•— S-  ANYWATCH     _ 


AND  NOT  WEAR  OUT. 
These  KEYS  are  sold 
by  all  WATCHMAKERS  and  JEWELERS  on  the  PAOIFIO 
COAST.     By  Mail,  25  Cents. 

BIRCH  k  CO.  36  Dey  Btreet,  New  York. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  A10  free.  Address  E.  O. 
EIDE0DT4  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  H.y 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES ! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St..  near  Bush. 

Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 

WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The   most    complicated  cases  of   defective    visioD 
thoroughly   diagnosed,   free    of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOUES'  NOTICE. .^J 


J.  D.  SPREGKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  i  Commission 

MERCHANT  S. 

...  AGENT8     FOB.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  HawaiiaD  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


/■"IARD  COLLECTORS. 


Htamp. 


handsome  set  of  cards 
A.  G.  BASSETT,  Rochester,  N.  Y. 


lor    3-cent 
Mr-10 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


-    '  C«<       ,-  •-  ■_-*■  ■Jr'  \,.t 


;;• 


.-,  *i'i^  s*h-;st.SC*  ^tiu*^nodaM&i&&'Aa*.-  ;*•■  *w»  wwv 


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fry  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES ^.ffjsr-,,, "" 


Mild.        ALLEN  &  GINTER, 

Fragrant  and  Sweet.       «„„„»,,.„„„,  ,„.,.„,„...,    ,„ 


BTICOIJ,  ff  H  E  11 AILOR 


11 


POPULAR    PRICES! 


fPOPI 
Men's  and  Boys' 


choice  woolen        ^  Ready-Made 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


1 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 

lien's    Furnishing     Goods. 
Chthing.  J^       And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Carl).  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Nowton  Bros.  2  Co. 

SAN   FRANCISCO 


OUKbb  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 


AN 
Extraordinary     Razor 

tJ/AS  BEEN  INVENTED  ET  THE  QUEEN'S 
"  OWN  CO.  ol  England.  The  edge  and  body 
Is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  sotting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  83  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  niATHA>'  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  onlv  place  in 
the  United  States  where  thev  3re  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Queen'!*  On  u  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


TWICHEFTp 

-L-r  Kid  Gloves  -*- 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPEECKELS    &    BEO'S, 
327     Hnrkct    Street, 

OWNERS   OP 

S  preckels'Line    of    Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


I>EI'OT.    415     <ll>N  H.lillllty     STREET. 


For  sale  l>y  all  IM-nxc.i.1-.. 


Bi 


isr  Ask    For 

illows   Deer 

Brewed  by  0,  FAOSS  &  Co. 
"WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR,  TO 

MASSEY    &     VlUO, 
No.    Mi    -  H  I;  illi  \  |  ip    STREET. 

First  House  below  Keamy.       San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 


WHISKEY 


upenor    in 


QUALITY. 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
i  Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Dewecse,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 

€.   II.    Moore, 

O  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.   B.   Hunt, 
San  Francisco. 


Prentiss  Seliit,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Underuill,  Jr.,  Sec'y 


PEICE'S       SAN        I  I  \  \mto       VILLAGE 
CASTS. 

|      These  dainty  and  elegant  vehicles  have  recently 
been  much  improved  in  construction  and  finish, 
and  are  now  being  turned  out  at  the  factory-,  at 
San  Leandro,  in  large  quantities.     The  above  style 
Phaeton    with  top)  is  intended,   principally,  for 
(  ladies  and  clildren  and   physicians.     It  is  one  of 
|  the  most  graceful    and    airy  looking  things    on 
(  wheels,  and   is  very  convenient  about  getting  in 
and  out.     Its  riding  qualities  are  superior  to  those 
|  of  the  best  buggy— its  long,  easy,  peculiarly  hung 
springs  giving  it  a  smooth,  floating  motion  that  is 
delightful.     This  may  seem  to  be  strong  language 
but  a  ride  of  a  half  mile  in  one  of  these  carts  will 
convince  any  one  that  the  matter  is  not  overstated. 
These  are  the  only  carts  made  that  are  entirely 
Tree  from  tuc  jogging  or  bobbing  motion 
of  the  horse  and  which  can   be  leveled  to  suit  a 
large  or  small  animal. 
|      They  are  sold  contingent  upon  sustaining  the 
above  statements.    Send  for  illustrated  catalogue, 
givicg  prices  and  different  styles,  or  call  and  exam- 
ine them. 

TICGMAN,  I  MM  11  A  CO., 
511  Market  St.,  San  Francisco,  Cal.,  agents. 

Jacob  Prlee,  San  Leandro,  Cal.,  manufer. 

N.   B.    The  Carts   can  be  Seen  AND   TRIED 
at  either  place. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE  AQENTS  FOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    flay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


Selby    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURE  OS,   OF  

Lead  Pipe,  S  teet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-Fr|etlon  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stenc,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -  San    Francisco. 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Ears  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


Piano  S 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

WHITE     JROSE    FLOTTIR 
MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 
Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

&  ST  See  loeal  notlee  Id  another  eoloiiiD, 


Ohicfcerlng  &  Sons.Boston ;  Blnthner.Leipzlg; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  Q.  Schwechtan, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR  MARKET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  J.  Palmer. 


Valentin!!  Rey. 


B-QI.D       KEXTFCKY       WIH^SKI^Y-Tla 


i8@~qim:m:oivd»s 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 

ask  your. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for 


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Y 


PALMER  &  KEY, 

Importers  orPrlntlngand  Lithographing 

PEESSES 

And       Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,405<fc407SansomeSt.S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


•S^DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "«» 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

8OC0ESS0BS     TO 

Craio   and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAK  B  RS 

And    EMBALMERS, 

22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


«£^  HARDWOOD   LUMBER.--- 


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John    Wigmore, 

189    to   147    SPEAB    STREET,    SAN    I IIIMTSIO. 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD- -Popular  Dry  goods  House-132  Kearny  Strutter, 


ROUTER  «i  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bros  Piaaos 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.      Largest  Piaao  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast 


H.  B.  Williar,  Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


A.    CARLISLE    &    CO. 

Commercial     Stationes, 

226    CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Francisco 


H.    HOESCH, 

Restaurant, 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street, 

Bet  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 


THE     NEVADA     BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  Up        -      -        $3,000,000 
Reserve  V.  S.  Bond*    -       -    4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  setts  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Transfers. 

Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 
This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in  Bullion. 


Throat, 


Catarrh., 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whcopir.g  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


YALENTINB    BASSMER,    933  Washington  S«:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

IIS    SITTER    STREET, San  Franclseo,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER. 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

M"3.L\U.f3,Ct"llT0]rS      of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Francisco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,350.000 

HOME  OFPIOE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  DOTTON,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Caepentek,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

0A8H  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Olarfc,  Special  AgentB  and 
Adjusters.  Capt.  A.  M.  Bums,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ^'SsfeSS^   MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAX  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L. Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowies 
Vice-Pres.;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowies,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  P. 


S.  J.  PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Floe  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brac  repaired,  313  O'FarreU  Street,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 


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AS  A  BEVERAGE, 
AS  A  REMEDY, 


NECTAR ! 
-     SOVEREIGN  ! 


AS  AN  APPETIZER, 
AS  A  WHOLE, 


UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED ! 


An  Unfailing  Cure  for  all  Malarial  Diseases,  Dyspepsia  and  Debility. 


^TO^*       j!j^t        ^,       >4, 


?A 


\r0L.  X.        SAN    FRANCISCO,  MARCH  17,  1*83         No.  34fi. 


rOR 
jREAKFAST 


LUNCK 
Go  to  the 
cw    Englani 
UTCHEN 

522 


'HE  CELEBRATED 

IAMPACNE  WINES 

[essre.  Dhttz  &  Geldermans  Ay,  en  Champafme-I 


CACHET    BLANC- Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     (.BEEN      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

iRDEU'X   RED   AND  WHITE   WINES, 

Id  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     WINES, 

n  cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 


arles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       MCimilATO       STREET. 


"Give  fly  son  a  Meral 


CHAMBERLAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PBGPR1ETORB. 


IIACIFIC 
f     BUSINESS 
AOLLEfiE, 
b32oais,r| 


WSEND  FOR  CIRCULARS   g 


Leopold   Bro's 

LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreaths,  CroBses 


S 


MOM"? 

Street 


hotographer, 


LEN  MCGABY  &  CO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

UOR    MERCHANTS, 

22  and  324  FRONT  STREET, 
I  FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 

JCOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

ipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     13  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

iAMENTO,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Tl  O  E  D^E  R  E  R 

Champagne. 

Ile^ailar  Invoices  received  direct  from    Mr.    I. on  I-  Borderer,  Reims,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.;    Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufaeturer  and  Dealer  in 

3YRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,  CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
714    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN   FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

I  LEPU  INT    nOLLAND    I. IV 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

PORT,     Mll.KRY,      Ete. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    2,     San     Frn.ne.lseo 


Ki  DR.       MERRIMA  N  'S       FRAGRANT 

ALLIODOHT 

For   Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE    Bl     ALL    DRIGGISTS. 


J  auks  Sue  a 


A.    Bocqukraz. 


R.  McKee. 


SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaebtton   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON    J.    HARDY," 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "  MILLER'S    EXTRA " 

Old    Bonrbon    Whiskies. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


S   C  ~FT  ~r,  t  T"1  2  3 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOEUHTING-,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


RICHAEDS    &    HAERISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.   W.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO   Street",    San   Francisco. 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


DIANOfIHazelton  Bros 
First  Glass,   \    HALLET &cUMST0N» 
,,    ,.  T-,   .         \     A.^M.  BENHAM, 

Medium  Price,  wl  =-^s  s  EATON 

FULL    VALUE        I      647     Market     Street, 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY  A# SAN   FRANCISCO. 


Diper  Heidsiecfc 

r     CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  ht,,  San  PrnnclscOj  CuL 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

C.     ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery   street  (MaMinlc  Temple), 


SAN     FBANC1.SC0. 


§m  colton  am 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting'  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    «,    8    and      10, 

Entrance,  80ti  Market  street. 

Dr.  CIIAS    W.    Ill  I  hi  II.  Dontist. 


EDWARD    E.   0SB0RN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and    Foreh/n() 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Co"s 

^BUDWEISER  BEERj 

Bath,  Meese&Co, 

■WHOLESALE  DEALEKS  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The  niglicsl  Standard  of  Excellence, 
2       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 


S&  Received  awards  or  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  aliio, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Rest  worfc- 
manflblp. 


.  MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CABMANY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  DealerB 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  **&  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Str  e  e  t . 


SAULM  ANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Franciaco. 
Fresa  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS.  German 
Sausages.  A.  KECSCIIE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DBY  MONOPOIE  (extra), 

L,  KOEDEICEIt  (sweet  and  dry), 
MOET  «1  CIIANDON, 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  hy    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(Jons  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
iW  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6SS  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Sents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels,  Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
CHAS.  J.   HOLMES,  I'rop. 


WILLIAM 


F.     SMITH 

(Oculist.) 


M.      D., 


T7IOR5IERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
r  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

\os.  114  and  114;  Market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  i:s  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDOVALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,  Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

21 J  to  235  Spear  St.,  21S  to  226  SI  nan  st. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

OK     TUB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 
THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 
In  the  World. 
Win.   F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  I0TJIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


w 

f  f  Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 


o  1 1 6  rs  B  rot  h  ©  rs  &  Oo  Francisc°  danem.  henry  casanoya 

"     ~  F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  29  California  Street, 

221  California  Street,  San  Francisco       '  Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,   -    -   san  Francisco 


QAN  CRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY 

Capital  Stock 


•  200,000 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANT  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AHD 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 

RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    ~5~ 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


+ 

Natural 

Cliaijipape 

DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 

530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

8=?"None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Label  and  Cork  . 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NTJHAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN   FRANCISCO. 

A'  GENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  8.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  tlie  Hawaiian  Line; 
the  China  Tradera'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited) ; 
the  Marine  Insurance  Oo.  of  London;  the  Bald; 
win  Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. : 
Nich,  ABhton  &  Son's  Salt. 


I  KOHLER  a  FROHLING 

^Iji^^NTGOJMpY ST : &. ,S.E,C0R. SUTTER  aflUJj&MkSIS,,,' 


^  ^-r~    :~- 


Water  Prool  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St..  San  Francisco 

A..  FINKE'S  WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


OH 
p, 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         ^    „, 
809  MONTGOMERY  St..  San   1  lancisoa. 

H  .      N.      COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MARKET     STKEET,  ' 

(Cor.  Fremont,  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.     MORROW    &    CO., 

Day,  drain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS,,  S.  F 


Bonesteil,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

P  APE    B 


OF    ALL    KIND 


413  and  415  Sansome  St. 


The   Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Streett 

San  Francisco. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eighth  and  Brannan  streets. 

OLATJS  SPKEOKEL8 President 

.1.  D.  8PKE0KEL8    Vice-Preident 

A.  B.  8PBEOKEL8 Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including;  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Presided! 
Ofilce— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


TRADE 


MARK. 


^-STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &.    SON, 

415    MARKET    STREET,    S.    F. 


^OL.  10. 


X<?34  6 


gggf  f  \ANfC  IfiCO     MRQK  |  gTl883 


l&U 


AT   NI^HT 


;^ 


■Hi 


■ 


THE        EVOLUTION        OF        PATRIOTISM 


THE     WAS!J 


THE    DOG    AND    THE    CELEBRITY. 


'  Found  quite  late  on  Saturday  last, 
As  I  from  Merchant  to  Jackson  passed, 
A  Terries  Dog  :  owner's  name 
Not  on  the  collar  ;    whoe'er  can  claim 
Can  have  by  " 

Yes,  I  had  found  a  dog  ; 
One  December  night  when  drizzle  and  fog 
Were  above  and  around  and  underfoot 
I  stumbled  over  a  draggled  brute, 
Kicked  it  away  and  hurried  on, 
Thinking  the  muddy  mop  was  gone. 
It  wasn't ;  I  tried  to  dode;e  it ;  no, 
Wherever  I  went  the  dog  would  go. 
So  the  only  mtthod  I  could  devise 
Was  to  take  it  home— and  advertise. 

In  all  the  papers  upon  this  coast— 
The  Afta,  Chronicle  and  the  Post, 
The  Wasp,  Examiner,  Morning  Calf, 
The  News  Letter,  Bulletin— yes,  in  all 
I  advertised  that  canine  fiend 
In  whose  behalf  I'd  intervened. 

A  week  went  past  and  nobody  came ; 
A  month  ;  two  months— there  wasn't  a  claim, 
And  so  I  determined  at  last  to  sell  it, 
And  having  determined,  needs  must  tell  it- 
Ass  that  I  was— to  the  women  folk, 
And  they  with  a  voice  unanimous  spoke  : 
'  What  ?  sell  wee  doggie,  the  little  pet  ! 
And  hadn't  I  come  to  love  it  yet  ? 
The  popsy-wopsy,  intelligent  creature, 
So  soft  and  woolly,  so  pretty  of  feature  ! 
The  playful  doggie  !  and  somebody 'd  get  it 
Who'd  scold  and  beat  it  instead  of  pet  it. 
Surely  I  hadn't  the  heart ;  I  couldn't ; 
Besides,  it  was  really  wrong  ;  I  shouldn't !  " 

When  ladies  say  "  shouldn't,"  always  give  in. 
i"  always  do  ;   it  saves  my  skin  ; 
And  saves  a  world  of  wild  tongue- wagging, 
And  nattering,  nasty,  useless  nagging. 

We  kept  the  dog  and  I  rather  guess 

That  a  monkey  insane  would  have  plagued  us  less. 

It  ate  the  butter ;  it  stole  the  meat  j 

It  trod  on  books  with  its  dirty  feet  ; 

It  fought  with  the  cat ;  it  broke  the  bowls  ; 

It  grubbed  the  garden  ;  it  chased  the  fowls  ; 

It  tore  the  trousers  of  romping  boys  : 

It  crunched  to  chips  the  childrens'  toys  ; 

It  trailed  clean  clothes  through  mud  and  mire ; 

It  burnt  its  tail  at  the  kitchen  fire  ; 

It  leaped  on  the  board  when  I  played  at  chess  ; 

It  spoiled  my  daughter's  divines*  dress — 

All  mischief  that  ever  all  dogs  have  done 

Was  bundled  up  in  that  single  one. 

But  the  crowning  mischief  was  now  at  hand  : 

We  gave  a  dinner  and  gave  it  grand. 

We  bought  the  best  Californian  fruit, 

Calif  ornian  wine,  and  all  to  suit ; 

Californian  turkeys,  Californian  quail, 

Californian  whisky,  California*!  ale  ; 

In  fact  that  meal  was  to  represent 

All  in  the  State  that  was  excellent 

It  pinched  and  plagued  me  for  half  a  year 

Getting  things  gorgeous  and  good — and  dear  ; 

For  there  was  coming,  in  all  his  state, 

A  live  Celebrity,  awfully  great — 

A  man  with  a  name  and  a  handle  to  it, 

And  not  a  mere  scribbling,  hair -brained  poet — 

A  man  who  came  from  England  here, 

Like  a  star  fallen  out  of  its  heavenly  sphere.. 

And  expected  worship,  and  got  it  too 

From  big  and  little  and  high  and  low. 

The  day  of  the  dinner  came  at  last, 

And  the  dinner  without  a  hitch  went  past ; 

The  Celebrity  praised  our  food,  our  drinks, 

And  looked  as  wise  as  an  owl  or  the  Sphinx  ; 

And  he  pleased  us  much  by  saying  that  now 

California's  greatness  he  must  allow, 

And  when  he  returned  to  his  native  land 

He'd  give  the  British  to  understand 

That  this,  indeed,  was  an  El  Dorado, 

And  put  all  other  lands  into  shadow. 

We'd  been  terribly  anxious  not  to  offend, 

And  thought  this  great  man  might  be  our  friend. 


But  destiny  willed  that  it  shouldn't  be, 
As  I  will  proceed  to  let  you  see'. 

We  were  talking  ;  and  there  the  Celebrity  sate, 
Speaking  like  Justice,  and  heard  like  Fate, 
But  beginning  to  thaw;  like  a  man  who  has  dined, 
When  that  cursed  terrier  came  behind, 
As  on  balanced  chair  the  Celebrity  swung, 
■   Carught  at  the  coat  that  so  temptingly  hung, 
Looked  round  with  a  look  indescribably  knowing 
And  pulled  !    The  Celebrity  found  himself  going  ; 
Gave  a  startled  cry  and  clutched  at  the  table 
To  keep  from  falling,  but  wasn't  able. 
And  table-cloth  over,  Celebrity  under, 
Down  he  went  with  a  crash  like  thunder  ! 

Then  stared  the  gentles  and  shrieked  the  dames, 
I  called  the  dog  some  unprintable  names  ; 
It  stared  at  the  mischief  it  had  done, 
Half  in  astonishment,  half  in  fun, 
Then— horror  !  before  the  Celebrity  rose, 
It  went  and  quite  gravely  smelt  at  his  nose  ! 
Somebody  tittered  :  more  titters  came  after, 
And  then  it  ended  in  roars  of  laughter. 

What  endless  methods  we  tried  to  assuage 

The  fallen  Celebrity's  smothered  rage  ! 

He  turned  it  off  with  a  careless  joke, 

But  his  smile  was  a  quivering  grin  as  he  spoke. 

He  sat  in  his  chair  in  most  solemn  pose, 

And  ever  he  furtively  rubbed  his  nosev 

The  party  broke  up  :   the  Celebrity  went, 
And  for  good  ;  in  vain  invitations  were  sent, 
In  vain  we  visited  him  at  the  Palace — 
He  treated  us  all  as  if  bearing  malice. 
We  offered  apology,  told  our  pain, 
And  flattered  by  proxy — all  in  vain. 
We  tried  him  on  every  conceivable  tack, 
But  the  lost  Celebrity  never  came  back. 
San  Francisco,  March  7,  1883. 

— James  Burnley. 


COMMISSIONS   GALORE. 


My  Dear  Mr.  Wasp  :  I  am  impressed  with  the 
idea  that  one  main  object  of  your  peculiar  journal 
is  to  enable  wise  men,  in  print,  to  give  briefly  the 
best  of  advice  or  rebuke,  as  the  case  may  be,  to 
the  Human  Family.     That's  where  I  am. 

In  such  attitude  permit  me  to  say  that  our  Cali- 
fornia State  government,  with  its  numerous,  mostly 
useless,  commissions  for  looking  into  every  body's 
business  is  rapidly  becoming  a  paternal  govern- 
ment; that  is,  so  to  say,  a  government  of  daddy  at 
the  top  and  "pap"  at  the  bottom.  We  have  now 
Railroad  Cmmission,  Bank  Commission,  Vine 
Commission,  Bug  Commission,  Fish  Commission, 
Statistics  Commission,  proposed  Bee  Commission, 
etc.,  etc.  All  these  commissioners — whose  name 
will  soon  be  legion — have  to  be  paid.  Our  later 
Legislatures  have  been  on  the  fritter,  like  a  big, 
lucky  miner  who  goes  on  an  American-eagle  spree 
in  the  morning  of  one  day,  with  a  handful  of 
twenties,  and  cannot  tell,  on  the  morning  of  the 
second  day,  why,  how,  or  where  his  money  went. 
He  has,  however,  the  Hat  proof  in  his  empty 
pocket  that  the  coin  is  gone  ;  yet  he  knows  that  he 
did  not  spend  a  large  amount  of  money  in  any  one 
place.  He  was  on  the  fritter.  Now,  our  very 
latest  Legislature,  with  all  its  pretentions  to 
economy,  its  rumagings,  examinations  and 
paradings,  has  got  away  with  nearly  or  quite  as 
much  of  the  people's  coin  as  have  some  of  its  most 
odious  predecessors. 

As  a  ruralist  I  will  take  one  matter — the  Horti- 
cultural Commission.  The  money  spent  on  that 
matter  is  wasted.  The  farmer  does  not  want  a 
guardian  appointed  by  State  law — a  perpetual, 
paid  guardian.  What  the  famer  wants  is  vernacu- 
lar information.  Give  him  light,  and  like  the 
Ajax  of  our  prosperity — which  he  likely  is — he 
asks  no  more.  He  is  capable  of  attending  to  his 
own  business,  bugs  and  all.  But  box-makers,  like 
Cooke  of  Sacramento,  and  tin-peddlers,  of  many 
other  places,  who  call  themselves  horticultural  so- 
cieties and  entomologists,  are  not  capable  of  bear- 
ing the  light  at  the  head  of  the  procession.  The 
money  paid  to  such  men  will  never  eradicate  the 
insects  of  this  State.  That  money  is  lost  to  the 
public. 

When  the  farmer,  with  such  light  as  long  years 
of  labors  a-field  had  given  him,  made  a  name  and 
a   market   for  California  fruits,  then   came   these 


box-makers,  tin-peddlers  and  University  gowks 
with  their  State  airs  and  palavers,  and  introduced, 
among  us,  at  Sacramentorthe  dreaded  codlin  moth 
and  phyloxera.  Then,  having  introduced  their 
pets,  they  rush  into  the  Legislature  howling  for- 
money  and  more  money  to  kill  the  pests.  Pre- 
viously to  the  time  when  these  fancy  salaried  fel- 
lows awoke  to  the  appalling  results  of  their  own 
ignorance,  the  farmer,  for  years,  had  fought  and 
conquered  the  tinted  caterpillar — than  which  no- 
more  frightful  insect  ravages  the  orchards— and 
many  other  enemies.  The  farmer  had  learned  the 
ways  and  wars  of  his  enemies  ;  but  when  the  tin- 
peddlers,  who  call  themselves  hoticulturists,  with 
the  box-makers,  introduced  the  new  enemies  the 
farmer  was,  at  first,  at  a  loss  what  to  do.  But  the 
farmer  did  not  want  nor  ask  for  a  guardian.  What 
did  we  want  ?  Knowledge  how  to  kill  the  new 
enemy.  That  is  all  he  wanted ;  that  is  all  he 
needed  ;  all  he  now  needs.  It  is  the  paid  Univer- 
sity of  California  which  should  have  given  that 
knowledge  without  calling  in  the  Legislative  assist- 
ance of  the  box-makers  and  fin-peddlers.  But 
some  years  ago,  as  I  well  know,  when  a  farmer 
sent  to  the  agricultural  tail  of  the  University  a 
small,  neatly  packed  collection  of  devastating  in- 
sect?, the  package  and  the  queries  were  cooly  hand- 
ed over  to  the  janitor  of  the  Museum.  The  jani- 
tor did  his  best,  I  suppose,  by  advising  the  use  of 
a  small  boy  in  the  orchard.  The  proprietor  of  that 
orchard,  with  a.  gang  of  Chinese,  in  two  insect 
seasons,  and  at  a  cost  of  over  $200,  abated  the  pest 
which  the  janitor  thought  equal  to  a  boy.  In  that 
case,  as  in  most  others,  the  farmer  worried  along 
successfully  without  aid  from  the  University,  the 
I  ox-makers,  or  the  peddlers.  And  he  can  do  it 
again.  It  seems  to  me  that  an  average  Legislator 
might,  if  such  persons  ever  do  such  a  thing,  reflect 
a  litttle  and  conclude  that  the  intelligent  agricul- 
iurists  and  their  wives,  in  California,  aided  by 
their  special  journalists  and  journals,  are  equal  to* 
the  familiar  task  of  wisely  minding  their  own" 
homely  business  without  the  meddling,  unconstitu- 
tional, domiciliary  visitations  of  a  box-maker,  tin- 
peddler  or  University  pensioner. 

This  Commissioner  business  is  rapidly  drifting 
our  government  away  from  the  people  into  the 
hands  of  a  few  men.  Please  stick  a  pin,  right 
there. 

But  if  we  must  have  commissions  and  commis- 
sioners, for  sale  or  otherwise — if  we  must  have  'em 
— I  want  a  "skeeter';  commission;  because  when 
I  go  from  Horn  Toad  Valley  up  along  the  San 
Joaquin,  to  Visalia,  the  "  skeeters  "  nearly  take  my 
scalp.  The  rapid  action  of  my  cerebration  having 
roasted  out  a  large  area  of  my  cranial  covering,  the 
"  skeeters  "  herd  heavily  in  the  "clearing,"  so  to 
speak,  and  render  restful  repose  impossible.  In 
plain  English,  a  bald-headed  person  has  no  com- 
fort or  personal  beauty  in  the  summer  of  the  San 
Joaquin.  Solomon  Oldstone. 

Horn  Toad  Valley,  March  8,  1883. 


Elizabeth  McLaughlin  was  committed  to  he- 
Insane  Asylum  last  Monday,  She  imagines  she's  an 
an  angel,  and  is  on  the  road  to  Heaven.  If  this  is- 
sound  proof  of  insanity,  we  have  not  yet  known  a 
woman,  who  ought  to  be  at  large. 


A  Chicago  woman  says  she  has  walked  the  streets 
of  that  city  time  and  again  at  two  o'clock  in  the 
morning  without  being  addressed.  She  doubtless 
wore  a  scowl  which  indicated  that  she  was  gunning 
for  her  husband. 


The  story  is  told,  it  mayor  may  not  be  true, 
that  during  a  free  fight  in  a  Chicago  saloon  a  man 
was  shot  in  the  mouth,  but  escaped  injury  through 
the  ball  flattening  itself  against  his  breath. 


Reports  from  Ohio  stating  that  a  number  of  of- 
fice-seekers had  been  drowned  in  the  floods,  have 
proved  false.  There  is  no  flood  so  deep  or  fire  so 
hot  as  to  suppress  the  Ohio  office-seeker. 


A  Russian,  claiming  to  be  a  nobleman,  has  been 
arrested  in  Boston  for  getting  money  under  false 
pretenses.  Although  speaking  seven  languages  he 
was  unable  to  tell  the  truth  in  any  one  of  them. 


Professor  Proctor  speaks  of  84,000,000  years  as 
calmly  as  any  other  man  would  remark  of  last 
Fourth  of  July.  It  is  what  has  happened  in  the 
last  fifty  years  that  has  worried  moBt  of  us. 


THE    WASP. 


DARKNESS. 


By  Lord  Byron,  as  It  Were. 

1  had  a  dream  which  wasn't  at  all  a  dream  : 
Tli--  street  lamps  were  extinguished,  and  the  stars 
<  'I  tiif  police  were  ■  pleached,  and  every  place 
jfiaylesa  and  pathless  ;  and  (with  icy  mirth 
Swung  wild  and  threatening  in  the  moonless  air) 
i  nd-club  exercised  its  awful  sway  ; 

Sod  men  forgot  their  passions  in  the  dread 
Of  its  administration.     In  all  parts 
They  killed  each  other  selfishly  by  night. 
And  they  did  lift  out  watches  —breaking  bones 
i  >r  those  who  strove  to  keep  them  ;    and  the  huts 
And  habitations  of  all  things  that  dwell 
Were  broken  into  as  the  daylight  gloomed  ; 
Ami  afterward  men  left  fheir  plundered  homes 
To  curse  the  Supervisors  to  their  face. 
Even  dogs  forgot  their  masters,  --  all  save  one, 
And  he  was  faithful  to  a  corpse,  and  kept 
TIm-  rate  and  cats  and  other  dogs  at  bay, 
Aih  I  ate  it  all  himself.     At  last  but  two 
In  all  of  San  Francisco  did  survive, 
And  they'd. be<-it  Supervisors.     Close  beside 
These  dying  members  of  a  hated  race 
Was  heaped  a  mass  of  watches,  seals  and  rings, 
(Jot  by  garroting  ;   and  the  two  stacked  up, 
There  in  the  darkness,  with  their  skeleton  hands, 
The  coins  of  which  their  fingers  had  bereft 
Tlie  gas-fund.     Then  one  made  a  flame 
By  striking  matches,  and  they  lifted  up 
Their  eyes  as  it.  grew  lighter,  and  beheld 
Each  other's  aspect :  saw  and  grabbed  and  fled— 
Bach  with  his  plunder  from  the  other  tied, 
Well  knowing  who  he  was  upon  whose  brow 
Long  service  in  the  Board  had  written  Thief. 


CHAINED     TO     A     CORPSE. 


I  think  I  ceased  to  be  mortal  about  nine  o'clock 
oi]  the  night  of  February  11,  1854.  At  any  rate 
that  is  the  last  date  I  recollect.  Since  I  ceased  to 
be  what  I  was  and  became  whatever  I  am,  I  have 
been  unable  so  calculate  the  flight  of  time.  The 
date  I  have  mentioned  (which  is  itself  uncertain) 
may  be  a  million  cycles  past,  or  it  may  be  but  an 
instant.  I  remember  the  events  of  my  life  as  dis- 
tinctly, in  my  present  condition,  as  I  did  when 
that  which  has  survived  what  mortals  call  death 
animated  what  afterwards  became  a  corpse.  When 
the  impalpable  disengaged  itself  from  the  palpable, 
darkness  more  intense  than  that  which  might  en- 
velop a  sunless  world  seemed  to  enshroud  the  en- 
tity which  bad  evaporated  from  the  carcase  it  had 
inhabited  until  that  moment.  Memory  alone  sur- 
vives—memory and  a  certain  indescribable  power 
of  receiving  impressions.  I  know  that  my  body, 
after  I  left  it,  was  removed  from  the  place  where 
the  dissolution  occurred.  Dissolution  ?  The  word 
is  not  sufficiently  comprehensive.  It  was  only  a 
partial  dissolution.  I  cannot  explain  my  mean- 
ing ;  I  cannot  explain  how  I  know  that  my  body 
was  removed,  unless  the  statement  that  I  was  im- 
pressed with  the  knowledge,  is  comprehensible. 
But  this  I  do  know — wherever  my  dead  body  was 
conveyed  there  I  followed.  I  was  chained  to  the 
corpse  of  myself.  I  could  see  nothing,  I  could 
hear  nothing.  I  realized  that  I  possessed  no  more 
form  or  tangibility  than  the  shadow  of  an  invisi- 
ble gas.  And  yet  I  was  pervaded  with  the  grief  of 
my  mother.  I  could  feel  it  pressing  upon  me  like 
a  great  weight  which  threatened  to  crush  me.  The 
sorrow  of  my  sister  filled  me  as  my  own  sorrows 
had  tilled  my  mortal  heart  in  my  life  time.  But 
these  intense  griefs  were  not  like  my  mortal  soul- 
afflictions  ;  they  were  impressions — nightmares.  I 
struggled  to  escape  them,  but  they  clung  to  me 
like  the  horrors  of  a  frightful  dream.  How  long  I 
suffered  thus  I  do  not  know,  for,  as  I  have  said 
before,  time  is  incomprehensible  to  me.  Presently, 
however,  the  terrible  oppression  gradually  worked 
off.  A  dull  calm  pervaded  me.*  I  seemed  to  be 
impressed  with  an  idea  that  the  sorrow  of  my 
mother  and  my  sister  had  received  consolation 
from  some  source,  and  that  they  had  ceased  to 
grieve. 

But  in  place  of  the  pangs  of  woe  came 
other  horrors.  An  invisible,  but  to  me,  sufficiently 
powerful  force  continued  to  bind  me  to  my  mortal 
remains  as  they  decomposed  in  the  grave.  Every 
change  which  those  remains  underwent  was  as  visi- 
ble to  me  as  if  I  had  watched  the  processes  with 
mortal   eyes.     As  nature   performed  her  labor  of 


transforming  and  dissolving  the  flesh  of  my  body 
into  the  original  elements,  1  realized  the  fact  more 
acutely  than  I  could  possibly  have  realized  it  had  I 
been  mortal  and  observed  the  process  in  the  body 
of  another.  I  knew  that  out  of  the  corruption  oi 
myself  came  hideous,  crawling  things,  and  each 
one  of  these  corpse-parasites  I  knew  was  tilled  with 
that  indefinable  something  or  nothing  which  I  am 
now.  Perhaps  I  was  too  recently  emancipated 
From  the  conditions  which  surrounded  me  in  my 
mortality,  but  I  could  not  help  feeling  a  profound 
repungance  to  my  corpse  in  its  decomposition.  I 
was  disgusted  with  that  which  had  been  myself. 
The  most  sensitive  virgin  gazing  upon  the  ripe  and 
ever  ripening  horrors  of  the  dissecting  table  for 
the  first  time  could  not  have  felt  as  intensely  as  I 
did  ;  she  could  not  have  recoiled  from  the  reality 
as  presented  to  the  vision  of  her  eyes  as  I  did  from 
the  impression  conveyed  from  that  thing  of  the 
grave  to  my  impalpable,  intangible  being.  Ages 
of  an  agony  of  disgust  may  have  been  crowded  into 
instants  of  time— I  cannot  tell.  I  am  only  cog- 
nizant of  the  terrors  and  the  helplessness  of  my 
situation. 

But  even  this  was  as  nothing  to  my  surround- 
ings. In  that  midnight  of  deatli  were  horrors  un- 
speakable. All  around  me  were  souls,  spirits,  im- 
mortalities, what  you  will,  involuntarily  clinging, 
like  myself,  to  the  corpses  of  what  they  had  once 
been.  From  every  direction,  came  frightful  im- 
pressions like  the  emanations  of  slime-pools,  al- 
most shriveling  my  consciousness  with  their  innate 
horror.  From  one  I  received  the  impression  that 
I  had  committed  a  ghastly,  cold-blooded  murder ; 
and  vividly,  oh,  so  vividly,  did  the  details  of  the 
crime  come  to  me — as  if  I  had  witnessed  the  hor- 
rid deed  as  it  was  committed  by  another  ;  and  then 
dreamed  it  over  again — myself  the  murderer. 
And  I  knew  every  word  of  the  solemn  death  war- 
rant. I  stood  again  upon  the  trap.  I  became 
conscious,  as  in  a  dream,  of  the  rope  about  my 
neck,  of  the  darkness  of  the  black-cap  that  an  in- 
stant after  became  the  darkness  of  an  eternity 
that  car  never  extend  to  oblivion.  This  was  the 
impression  that  flowed  in  upon  me  from  murder,  as 
it  hovered  close  to  its  corpse.  I  felt  that  remorse 
was  there,  too — a  remorse  such  as  mortals  can 
never  feel  until  they  become  as  this  remorse  is. 
Remorse  for  an  ill  spent  life,  remorse  for  the  fate 
of  the  white-haired  mother  who  even  beyond  the 
grave  mourns,  and  will  ever  mourn,  for  the  way- 
ward boy  whose  excesses  drove  hpr,  first  to  despair 
and  then  to  death. 

The  shade  of  the  suicide  impressed  me,  and  I 
felt  that  the  crime  or  misfortune  that  urged  the 
mortal  to  discard  mortality  found  no  surcease  in 
the  night  of  immortality,  but  was  rather  intensi- 
fied by  the  knowledge  that  through  all  eternity 
memory  would  dwell  with  ever  increasing  tenacity 
upon  every  circumstance,  every  action,  every 
thought,  whether  for  good  or  evil,  comprising  the 
life  he  had  so  rashly  abandoned.  All  this  I  real- 
ized, and  more.  I  seemed  to  be  pervaded  by  a 
malaria  of  crime,  unclean  thought,  the  memory  of 
nameless  deeds,  ingratitude,  avarice,  illicit  pas- 
sion, unholy  ambition,  perjury,  brutality,  sen- 
suality—every conceivable  vice,  every  moral  rot- 
tenness to  which  humanity  is  prone.  I  could  feel 
nothing  pure,  nothing  elvating  ;  all  was  degraded, 
immoral,  deformed.  Words  cannot  picture  the 
ineffable  woe  that  filled  that  awful  place— that 
silent  hell  of  eternal  night.  My  own  crimes,  light 
as  I  had  considered  them  before  I  became  what  I 
was,  seemed  to  saturate  me,  and  remorse,  more 
poignant  because  I  realized  that  it  was  eternal, 
was  added  to  the  other  horrors  ever  naming  in 
upon  me. 

Then  I  knew  that  every  immortality  huddled 
there  in  the  darkness  of  death  was  suffering  for  its 
own  crimes,  and  causing  every  other  soul  to  suf- 
fer in  like  manner.  And  hope  had  extricated  it- 
self from  the  essence,  as  the  latter  had  been  torn 
from  the  substance— as  we,  the  life,  the  spirit,  had 
been  extracted  from  our  bodies.  Each  addition  to 
this  community  of  sin-sodden  souls  was  but  another 
burden  of  crime,  immorality,  remorse,  to  be  borne 
forever  by  every  impalpable  existence  there. 

But  at  last  there  came  a  thing  so  black,  so  foul, 
so  diabolical,  that  crime  itself  might  shudder  and 
immorality  draw  back  in  affright.  We  who  were 
as  the  viewless  wind  felt  the  approach  of  this  dis- 
embodied crime— this  unutterable  blasphemy,  as 
mortals  feel  the  approach  of  a  thunder  cloud  in 
the  darkness  of  an  impenetrable  midnight.  We 
crouched  before  it  as  the  coward  crouches  before 
the  terrors  of  the  tempest.  Our  own  woe  was  as 
nothing  to  the  woe  of  this  one,  for  it  came  drench- 


ed with  the  tears  of  the  widow,  the  orphan  and 
ruined  innocence,  Scandal,  slander  and  libel  were 
if-  essence  treachery,  revenge  and  hatred,  its  be- 
ing It  had,  during  its  mortal  existence,  through 
the  medium  of  a  widely  circulated  journal,  carried 
sorrow  to  hundreds  of  hearta  ;  it  had  scattered  the 
seeds  of  dissension  and  strife  broadcast,  sowing  the 
wind  and  compelling  the  innocent  and  the  virtuous 
to  reap  the  whirlwind.  It  had  erected  a  pyramid  of 
infamy  upon  the  summit  of  which  murder  itself  had 
reared  its  go ry  form.  But  the  avenger  had  come 
at  last.  I  know  not  if  in  the  past  or  in  the  future, 
for  eternity  is  both,  but  in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye 
this  gigantic  epitome  of  crime  and  woe  was  hurled 
to  us— to  pile  sorrow  and  remorse  still  higher  upon 
souls  already  crushed  by  the  weight  of  thousands 
upon  thousands  of  sorrows  and  remorses.  Were 
hope  not  dead  to  us,  a  million  writhing  souls  would 
cry  out  to  the  God  of  mercy  for  forgiveness,  to  the 
end  that  this  horrible  soul  might  be  consigned  to  a 
hell  of  its  own,  leaving  us  to  the  beatific  contem- 
plation of  our  comparatively  happy  condition  ere 
this  Monster  come  to  us. 

One  of  the  Damned. 
San  Francisco,  March  1<>.  18SS. 


A  THRIFTY  EXHORTER. 


Revivalists,  it  seems,  do  not  save  souls  for  noth- 
ing, and  according  to  all  accounts  Mr.  Harrison, 
"  the  boy-preacher,  "  who  was  out  here  whacking 
at  Satan  some  time  ago,  charges  the  godly  a  good 
round  sum  for  every  thump  he  gets  in  on  the  Ad- 
versary's vulnerable  periphery.  The  Chicago  Inter- 
Ocean  speaks  of  him  thus  : 

"  If  all  the  stories  that  are  told  about  him  are 
true,  the  revivalist  Harrison,  who  has  recently  been 
ministering  to  the  people  of  Decatur,  should  pray 
earnestly  to  be  delivered  from  the  sin  of  covetous- 
ness.  Almost  everywhere  he  goes  he  gets  into  a 
row  about  his  pay.  He  charges  §100  a  week  for 
leading  lost  sheep  into  the  fold,  and  insists  upon 
payment  in  advance.  While  in  Decatur  he  made 
short  trips  into  neighboring  towns  to  hold  single 
meetings,  for  which  his  terms  are  §25,  and  when 
the  Committee  on  Finance  attempted  to  deduct 
the  amount  he  had  received  for  outside  meetings 
while  he  was  in  their  employment,  to  use  an  un- 
godly expression,  he  '  kicked,  '  and  demanded  his 
full  price  per  week,  whether  he  gave  full  service  or 
not.  The  disposition  to  mingle  cupidity  with  a  de- 
sire to  rescue  wayward  souls  has  made  Mr.  Harrison 
considerable  trouble  heretofore.  Last  summer  the 
good  people  of  an  Ohio  town  erected  and  furnished 
a  house  for  him,  wherein  he  might  rest  from  his 
labors  when  his  flesh  grew  weak,  and  were  very 
much  astonished  to  discover  that  he  sold  it  and 
pocketed  the  money  as  soon  as  the  property  was 
conveyed  to  him.  " 


The  only  valuable  communication  purporting  to 
come  from  the  other  world  thus  far  recorded  in  the 
annals  of  spiritualism  is  said  to  have  been  vouch- 
safed by  a  Chicago  medium  the  other  evening  to  a 
young  man  who,  as  one  of  the  heirs  of  Anneke 
Jans,  asked  for  the  bottom  facts  about  his  inheri- 
tance. The  medium  handed  him  a  slip  of  paper  on 
which  was  written  : 

' '  With  no  design  to  scare 

Any  dear  expectant  hair 
Who  loves  (and  pays  for  loving)  Grandma  Anneke 

I  want  to  give  right  here 

Expression  to  the  fear 
That  the  outlook  just  ahead  of  us  is  panicky." 

The  credit  which  the  Spiritualistic  faith  would 
otherwise  gain  from  this  admirable  revelation  is 
impaired  by  the  moral  certainty  that  it  was  shaped 
by  the"  City  Editor  of  The  Chicago  Tribune,  in 
whose  columns  it  is  reported. 

Apropos  of  our  "  Old  Mother  Hubbard  "  cartoon 
last  week,  a  correspondent  sends  us  the  following 
version  of  the  familiar  rhyme,  carefully  corrected 
for  this   meridian  : 

Old  Mother  Hubbard 
Went  to  the  cupboard 

To  get  her  poor  dogs  a  bone. 
When  she  got  there 
The  cupboard  was  bare — 

As  some  of  her  poor  dogs  had  known. 

Vide  the  disagreeable  curs  in  the  Street  Depart- 
ment, cum  multis  aliis  caniculis. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


-  MARCH   17,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  54»  AND  543  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

One  copy,  one  year,  or  52  numbers $5  00 

One  copy,  six  months,  or  26  numbers 2  50 

One  copy  for  thirteen  weeks 1  95 

Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 


The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 


All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

_  The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp  :  In  Merced 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.  W.  A.  Wkight' 
D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

iVo  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


The  courts  having  dissolved  their  injunctions  and 
restraining  orders,   the  Board  of   Supervisors   ou 
Monday  evening  passed  the  Shirley  order,  making 
"  a  material  reduction"  in  water-rates— a  reduc- 
tion somewhere  between  twenty  and   thirty  per 
cent,  of  the  rates  now  allowed.     That  appears  to 
be   about   the   fair   thing.     In  drawing  this  order 
Mr.  Shirley  appears  to  have  acted  from  a  conscien- 
tious desire  to  do  substantial  justice  to  the  people 
and  the  water  company.      The   Strother  order, 
while  in  many  respects  unobjectionable,   was  ob- 
jectionable in  this— it  was  drawn  by  Strother.    This 
person   has  made  himself  so  vigorously  and  vari- 
ously offensive  that   any  measure   having  the  de- 
merit of  his  approval  and  the  disadvantage  of  his 
support  is  regarded  with   aversion   and  defeated 
with  enthusiasm.     With  the  passage  of  the  Shir- 
ley order  the  warfare  between  the  Board  and  the 
people  on  the  one  side,  the  Spring  Valley  Water 
Works  and  its  kept  editors  on  the  other,  ought  to 
cease.     It  opened  with  Spring  Valley  holding  the 
fort,  but  with  a  Grant -like  promptitude  the  Board 
proposed  to  move  immediately  on  its  works.     Had 
the  courts  not  called  a  halt  and  given  time  for  the 
cooling  of  passions  it  is  probable  that  by  the  adop- 
tion of  the  Strother  ordinance  the  stronghold  would 
not  only  have  been  captured  but  the  grrrison  mas- 
sacred—which by  their  insufferable  action  in  shut- 
ting off  the  water  they  did  their  level  best  richly  to 
deserve.     For  the  present,  we  believe,  active  hos- 
tilities are  at  an  end,  unless  the  water  people  have 
the  hardihood  again  to  assert  practically  their  pre- 
posterous claim  to  the  absolute  ownership  of  the 
rains  of  heaven,  by  virtue  of  possessing  the  water- 
shed  underlying  them— a  claim    by    which    they 
simply  affirm   a   right   to   depopulate  this  city  by 
death  and  exile.     A  second  assertion  of  this  mon- 
strous claim  will  entail  a  swifter  mischief  and  more 
lasting  lesson   than   a    "material   reduction"  of 
rates. 


a  modest  competence,  barely  sufficient  to  keep 
him  out  of  the  penitentiary.  But  the  way  that 
the  company  has  lied  about  the  value  of  its  works, 
the  cost  of  operating,  repairs  and  extensions,  has 
constituted  a  public  offense  against  morals.  It 
has  always  talked  in  millions,  except  to  the  Asses- 
sor. No  estimate,  from  that  of  surveying  a  pipe 
line  to  that  of  putting  in  a  hydrant,  was  deemed 
sufficiently  gorgeous  unless  glorified  with  at  least 
five  naughts,  with  compound  interest  from  the 
time  of  Adam.  One  glittering  estimate  was  never 
permitted  to  stand  in  the  way  of  the  next ;  the 
property  which  for  one  temporary  and  trivial  pur- 
pose was  valued  at  ten  millions  was  for  another 
sworn  at  fifteen.  This  figure-slinging  has  had  at 
last  its  inevitable  result— nobody  believes  a  word 
the  Company's  officers  say,  and  rates  have  been 
fixed  regardless  of  their  private  system  of  arithme- 
tic and  the  method  of  book-keeping  which  they 
appear  to  have  received  by  divine  inspiration. 


that  he  suffers   and  those   that  he  inflicts— *fl 
elicit  the  usual  annual  lament  from  a  prosperous  i 
and  happy  people  having  no  knowledge  of  the  mat- 
ter and  110  substantial  interest  in  it  beyond  the  j 
opportunity  to   insult  a  friendly  power  across  the  ' 
seas  and  conciliate  a  turbulent  element  at  home— 
an  element  that  masters  where  it  can,  and  where 
it  cannot  master — murders. 


Their  most  exasperating  offence  has  been  the 
policy  of  subsidizing  newspapers.  It  has  deceived 
nobody  and  has  antagonized  the  journals  which 
they  could  not,  or  would  not,  subsidize.  Some  of 
the  latter  have  even  been  driven  by  disappoint- 
ment to  the  desperate  expedient  of  telling  the 
truth.  The  Company  must  abandon  this  disreputa- 
ble and  ineffectual  policy  and  utter  its  mind  other- 
wise. A  communication  signed  by  one  of  its  own 
officers  lias  ten  times  the  weight  of  any  editorial 
opinion  that  it  can  dictate  to  any  journal  that  it 
can  purchase.  It  is  not  for  us  to  lay  down  the  law 
to  a  corporation  in  which  we  hold  no  stock,  but  we 
are  publishing  a  kind  of  a  fool  newspaper  on  a 
tolerably  honest  basis,  and  we  are  not  enamored 
of  anything  which  gives  the  other  fool  newspapers 
advantages  of  which  we  deem  it  inexpedient  to 
demand  a  share.  Within  the  limits  of  truth  and 
right  reason  we  shall  antagonize  any  corporation 
or  person  that  subsidizes  our  competitors. 


There  is  not  any  country,  under  any  kind  of 
government,  in  which  the  Irish  are  content-in 
which  they  are  not  dangerous  in  proportion  to 
their  powers  and  opportunities.  There  is  not  any 
American  city  in  which  their  dominance  is  not 
marked  by  misrule.  Delighting  in  disorder  and 
enamored  of  anarchy,  they  are  the  "kickers"  of 
creation.  They  live  upon  special  grievances  anS 
die  with  a  mouthful  of  general  objections.  That 
there  are  many  Irish  gentlemen  and  ladies  goiffl* 
without  saying ;  we  speak  of  the  ruck  of  immi- 
grants  that  spill  themselves  across  the  seas,  leavi 
ing  their  hearts  behind  them— men  and  women 
born  to  turbulence  and  proof  against  liberty.  ( '1 
him,  rum  animam,  Mutant,  qui  trails  mare  currmitM 
the  Irish  leopard  cannot  change  his  spots. 


When  your  enemy  is  beaten  the  temptation  to 
add  good  advice  to  his  previous  afflictions  has  all 
the  force  of  opportunity.  The  Spring  Valley 
Water  Company  has  for  many  years  been  a  public 
and  persistent  misdemeanant.  That  it  has  bribed 
our  public  officials  in  the  large,  wholesale  way  that 
its  enemies  charge  we  do  not  believe.  It  was  not 
necessary  :  our  public  officials  have  generally  been 
cheap  men,  strictly  honest  as  to  prices  that  they 
could  not  command.  Strother's  gabble  of  the 
Bayley  ordinance  having  cost  one  hundred  thou- 
sand dollars  is  ridiculous  ;  it  probably  did  not  cost 
ten  thousand.  There  is  no  evidence  that  even 
Carmany  stepped  out  of  the  Ring  with  more  than 


To-day  the  streets  of  this  American  city  will  be 
gorgeous  with  banners  bearing  foreign  devices  and 
resonant   with   foreign  patriotic    melodies.       The 
emblems  of  another  nationality  will  be  borne  side 
by  side  with  those  of  our  own  country,  aptly  be- 
tokening a  divided  allegiance  to  two  political  tradi- 
tions—the one  inexpressibly  dear  to  every  Ameri- 
can patriot,  the  other  offensive  to  the  moral  sense 
of  every  American  gentleman.     To  the  former  the 
stars  and  stripes  of  our   national  banner  symbolize 
an  honorable  struggle  in  the  open  field  ;  the   vic- 
tory of  an  heroic  people  over  equal  valor  and  su- 
perior numbers  enlisted  in  the  cause  of   tyranny  ; 
the  growth  of  a  great  power  and  the  co-ordinate  de 
velopment  of  liberal  ideas,  priceless  to  the  well- 
being  of  man.     The  green  flag  with  its  blazonry  of 
harp  or  sunburst  or  shamrock,  or  whatever  else  the 
fancy  of  its  followers  may  choose  to  decorate  it 
with,  is,  to  the  thoughtful  understanding,  typical  of 
mischievous  elequence  ;  of  servant  girls  robbed  by 
decamping  orators ;  of  mutilated  cattle ;  of  blaz- 
ing grain-ricks  ;  of  blunderbusses  poked  through 
hedges;  ships  freighted  with  human  lives  sent  to 
the  bottom  with  cowardly  dynamite  ;  gouts  of  gen- 
tlemen's  blood   in    public    parks;    farmers  wives 
savagely    widowed    and  bailiffs'    broods    brutally 
orphaned— epochs  of  declamation,  epochs  of  plun- 
der,   epochs   of  assassination,    and    one    present 
regime  of  all  three.     This   strange  and  awful  con- 
junction of  emblems— this  incestuous  marriage  of 
Liberty  with  License,  will  be  witnessed  with  de- 
light by  thousands  of  reputable  American  citizens 
witli   never   a    thought  of   its  terrible  incongruity 
•and  menacing  significance.     The  brainless  voter, 
the  selfish  politician   and  the  cowardly  editor  will 
equally  applaud,  and  the  Irishman's  wrongs— God 
knows  they  are  deep  and  dark  enough,  both  those 


^  The   suit    of   Mrs.    Ralston   against   Ex-Senator 
Sharon  has  been  compromised,  the  defendant  sur- 
rendering, it  is  currently  believed,  something  like 
a  quarter-million  dollars'  worth  of  property.     That 
the  late  Mr.  Ralston  ever  had  a  moral  right  to  te^ 
cents'  worth  of  this  property  we  take  the  libertj 
to  doubt  ;  but  Mr.  Sharon  evidently  had  not  even 
a  legal  right.     He  is  not  the  man  to  let  go  of  any- 
thing that   he  can  hope  to  hold.     It  is  not  as  I 
philanthropist,  but  as  a  statesman,  that  his  nam] 
will  be  "inscribed  upon  the  page  of  history  "  ;  anrL 
even  then,  it  is  feared,  Posterity  will  absently  inJ 
quire,  Who  was  Sharon  1  and  turn  the  leaf  withouff 
"  pausing  for  a  reply."     When  Mr.  Ralston,  havl 
ing  embezzled  a  matter  of   five  millions,  made  his 
memorable   choice  between  North  Beach  and  San 
Quentin,  the  whole  salvation-army  of   commercial  I 
and  literary  tramps  whom  the   bounty  of  that   in-1 
comparable  almoner  and  soverign  "bank  chashiejr " 
had   endowed  with  broken  meats  from  other  peo- ] 
pies'  kitchens  saw  something  divinely  generous  in  j 
the    way   that   Mr.    Sharon   dumped    his    private 
means  into   the  aching  void  at  the  corner  of  CaliJ 
fornia  andSansome  streets,  and  the  echoes  of  theirl 
praise-service  are  still  knocking  about  in  the  vacant 
interspaces  of   the  public  understanding.     All  the 
same,  every  man  having  knowledge  of  the  circum-1 
stances  knows  that  Mr.  Sharon's  contribution  was! 
about  as  voluntary  as  that  of  a  medieval  Jew  un-l 
dergoing   the   gentle  suasion  of   a   dentist-in-ordi- 
nary  to  a  needy  king.     It    is   matter   for  general 
congratulation  that  the  fellow's  molars  and  incisors  I 
have  again  felt  the  stress  of  the  forceps— an  instrii-  | 
ment   which  in  the  fair  hand  of  Mrs.  Colton  will  1 
probably  evoke  even  more  abundant  returns  from 
the  reluctant  patients   with  whose  dental  outfits* 
she  is  herself  toving. 


For  a  week  or  two  rumors  have  been  rife  that 
this  paper  was  for  sale,  and  these  have  given  rise 
to  animated  differences  of  opinion  as  to  its  owner- 
ship. Several  gentlemen  have  signified  their  wish 
to  purchase,  their  proposals  having  been  made 
with  a  mannerly  delicacy  that  disclosed  their 
doubl  as  to  whether  they  were  applying  in  the 
right  quarter.  The  rumors  mentioned  have  this] 
basis  of  truth  :  Mr.  E.  C.  Macfarlane  lias  sailed  for 
Honolulu  with  the  hope  of  recovering  his  health  by 
a  short  season  of  rest,  and  the  paper  has  not  been, 
and  is  not  now,  for  sale.  The  ownership  remains 
where  it  has  been  for  two  years  past,  and  where  it 
is  likely  to  be  for  a  long  time  to  come,  if  God  is 
willing.      We  take  the  liberty  to  suppose  He  is. 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


\  solemn  evidence  of  the  financial  straits  to 
lich  this  city  has  been  reduced  is  the  removal  of 

e  street-guides    fi i    the   lamp-posts.     Ii    is   a 

neasui f  economy"  which  "  reflects  great  credit" 

OD  the  authorities,  but  it  adds  a  terror  to  the 
nation.  The  man  whose  bewildered  feet  have 
nie  Inm  in  devious  courses  all  night,  while  his 
ea  with  mad  disquietude  sought  six  ways  for  the 
miller  uf  dawn,  Muds  himself  in  receipt  of  a  mag- 
icent  disappointment  when  at  last  it  conns, 
e  illiterate  lamp-post  is  sternly  reticent  to  Ins 
estioning.  It  knows  where  he  is,  but  it  will  not 
1  him.  and  lie  grieves.  But  anon,  as  he  gazes, 
:  naked  aspect  of  its  unfamiliar  spire  impresses 
a.  [ta  slender  finger  pointing  sky  ward  seems  to 
' :  "Not  here,  O  child  of  darkness— not  along 
186  desolate  and  misleading  ways  lies  your  true 
irse.  Leave  off  meandering  in  by  and  forbidden 
.hs,  and  go  to  heaven.  "  "Go  to  the  other 
ce!"  he  mutters,  losing  Ins  soul  without  lind- 
his  body,  and  the  ban. Is  which  removed  the 
Bet-guides  from  the  lamp-posts  are  imbrued  in 
■gravy  of  an  immortal  part. 

The  man  who  does  not  disbelieve  that  Mr.  Fleet 
■other  refused  a  bribe  of  fifty  cents  is  "  wanted." 

is  described  as  singularly  straight  in  figure, 
h  thin,  sharp  features,  prominent  cheek-bones, 
ss  deeply  sunken  and  an  exceedingly  pallid  colli- 
sion. When  last  seen  he  was  closely  shaven 
I  wore  a  pair  of  black  trousers,  a  white  shirt 
I  an   expression  of  profound  peace.     In  short, 

man  is  dead. 

"he  rullian  who  assailed  Judge  MeKinstry  has 
iianded  a  jury  trial  on  the  charge  of  carrying 
cealed  weapons,  and  means  to  contest  the 
idity  of  the  ordinance  prohibiting  it,  on  the 
und  that  it  is  in  conflict  with  the  Federal  Con- 
utiou.  The  language  of  that  instrument,  I  be- 
6,  is,  "The  right  of  the  people  to  keep  and  bear 
is  shall  not  be  infringed.  "  The  ordinance, 
refore,  is  simply,  clearly,  conspicuously,  indis- 
ably  and  self-evidently  unconstitutional.  No 
il  ingenuity,  no  wrenching  of  words  from  their 
meaning  no  plausible  guessing  at  intent,  no 
erstructure  of  argument  upon  a  basis  of  assuinp- 
l,  can  fora  moment,  cloud  the  crystalline  lucidity 
that  sentence  ;  it  prohibits  the  prohibiting  of 
Ting  weapons,  concealed  or  unconcealed,  and 
oes  nothing  else.  Having  said  so  much  for  his 
ouragement,  I  hope  the  rullian  mentioned  will 
mit  me  b.  add  that  fifty  courts  have  at  various 
es  decided  that  laws  prohibiting  the  carrying  of 
cealed  weapons  are  constitutional. 


Je  judges,  then,  fools'  Well,  they  are,  mostly, 
I  commonly  they  are  liars  in  addition,  and  a 
ority  of  them  are  rogues.  But  it  is  neither  as 
iol,  nor  as  a  liar,  nor  as  a  rogue  that  this  ruffian's 
ge  will  affirm  the  constitutionality  of  an  uncon- 
utional  ordinance.  He  will  do  it  as  a  respecter 
irecedent. 


I  precedent,  my  little  ruffians,  is  the  most  re- 
ntable thing  in  the  world,  for  it  has  no  binding 

e,  but  sways  by  the  stress  of  professional  eti- 
>tte  ;  precisely  as  the  first  monkey  that  leaps 
j  the  stream  determines  the  point  at  which  all 

II  leave  it  on  the  other  side.  It  is  revered  for 
priority  and  observed  for  its  badness.  A  deci- 
i,  for  illustration,  that  is  obviously  just  and  le- 
cannol  become  a  true  precedent.  There  may 
a  parallel  decision,  but  there  is  the  law  for  that, 
is  only  when  a  decision  is  to  be  rendered  for 
ich  there  is  no  law  that  your  true  precedent 
is  its  venerated  head  and  gives  the  Jovian,  ir- 


revocable nod.  American  law.  which  is  based 
upon  English  law,  which  is  based  upon  French 
law,  which  is  based  upon  Roman  law.  has  the  ad- 
vantage of  hoarier  precedents  than  English  law, 
which  has  the  advantage  of  hoarier  precedents  than 

French  law,  which  has  the  ad  van  la  [ool  hoarier  on 

cedents  than  I; an  law,  under  « [rich  Pontius  Pi 

late  had  himself  to  establish  a  precedent  by  con- 
victing a  prisoner  in  whom  he  found  no  sin. 


Tie-  Assembly  passed  a  resolution  asking  the 
Govi  i  nor  to  pardon  all  the  Chinese  convicts  in  the 
state  Prison,  on  condition  thai  they  return  to 
China  forthwith.  When  a  legislative  committee 
ting  siaie  Prison  affairs  some  weeks 
ago,  a  number  of  the  convicts  attempted  toescape 
by  mingling  with  the  members  as  they  passed  out 
i  h.  ,iie,  but  all  were  circumvented  by  the  ingeni- 
ous expedient  of  calling  the  roll  of  the  committee 
and  collaring  the  fellows  who  most  promptly  an- 
swered, This  resolution  looks  like  a  similar  scheme 
on  the  part  of  the  Assembly  to  get  a  free  passage  to 
the  Flowery  Kingdom  by  mingling  with  the  Mon- 
golian convicts. 

The  idea  had  its  origin  in  the  brain  of  that  illus- 
trious jurist,  Mr.  Hugh  R.  McJuukin,  who  musi 
be  held  guiltless  of  hoping  to  beat  his  way  to  China. 
His  resemblance  to  a  Chinese  convict  is  not  close 
enough  to  carry  him  farther  than  Yokohama. 


Supervisor  fleet  Strother  hurls  back  the  allega- 
tion that  his  grammar  is  faulty.  Onfortunaiely  he 
hurls  it  back  in  faulty  grammar. 

The  stupidity  of  the  clergy  is  deep,  dark,  meas- 
ureless. Their  minds  are  impenetrable  alike  to 
knowledge  and  to  reason.  The  demonstrations  of 
science  and  the  commonest  facts  of  observation  are 
mysteries  to  the  solution  of  which  they  bring  but 
a  blind  incapacity  and  a  stubborn  immobility  of 
the  understanding.  They  believe  nothing  that  is 
worth  believing,  because  they  know  nothing  that 
is  worth  knowing,  discern  nothing  that  is  worth 
discerning.  One  day  in  seven  they  render  intel- 
lectually hideous  by  utterance  of  the  reasonless 
trash  that  their  rag-picking  faculties  have  gathered 
from  the  world's  dumping-grounds  during  the  other 
six.  I  fatigue  of  their  holy  nonsense  and  fall  in- 
curably ill  of  themselves. 


I  am  moved  to  these  remarks  by  last  Sunday's 
sermons,  as  published  in  the  Monday  newspapers. 
Of  one  pious  ignoramus  in  particular,  I  observe 
that  he  laid  uncommon  stress  upon  the  hoary 
proposition  that  all  the  arrangements  of  nature 
are  intelligently  adapted  to  the  needs  of  man — a 
proposition  which  even  the  optimist  who  wrote 
"  Whatever  is  is  right  "  felt  constrained  to  demol- 
ish in  two  lines  : 

While  man  exclaims,  "  See  all  things  far  my  use  !  " 
"  See  mail  for  mine  !  "  replies  a  pampered  goose. 


If  there  is  a.  God — a  proposition  that  the  wise 
are  neither  concerned  to  deny  nor  hot  to  affirm — 
nothing  is  more  obvious  than  that  for  some  pur- 
pose known  only  to  himself  he  has  ordered  all  the 
arrangements  of  this  world  utterly  regardless  of 
the  temporal  needs  of  Man.  Considered  as  a  habi- 
tation of  man,  this  earth  is  about  the  worst  that 
a  malevolent  ingenuity,  an  unquickened  apathy  or 
an  extreme  incapacity  could  have  devised;  In  the 
first  place,  three  fourths  of  its  surface  is  givi  n  -  er 
to  an  environment  in  which  man  cannoi  breathe. 
In  only  a  comparatively  narrow  belt  of  I  he  remain- 
der can  he  exist  with  occasional  intervals  of  com- 
fort, while  in  vast  regions  ho  cannot  exist  at  all. 
The  most  habitable  portions  are  scourged  by 
storms,  infested   by   savage   annuals  and    noxious 


reptiles  and  in  u  with  recurrent  plagues, 

ubjecl  to  earthquakes,  inundations  and  preachers. 

A  third  of  the  time  all  are  whel I   in  darkness, 

during  which  a  cal  is  I..  tier  of  than  Man. 


Hani  n  i  ed  all  his  life  in  bitter  warfare  with 
a  million  energies  that  conspire  to  kill  him.  Let 
him  rest  upon  his  weapons,  let  him  relax  Ins  vigi- 
lance,  let  him  commit  his  defence  to  the  Power 
that  has  organized  the  attacking  forces,  and  he  is 
gone.  Under  the  most  favorable  conditions,  and 
despite  the  exercise  of  his  wisest  prudence,  the 
enemy  wears  him  out ;  he  tumbles  wearily  into  his 
grave,  and  above  his  battered  carcass  some  smirk- 
ing preacher  iterates  the  offensive  platitudes  to 
which  the  dead  man's  every  experience  has  ap- 
pended the  comment,  Quid  est  dbswrdwn. 


In  proof  of  nature's  beautiful  adaptat  on  ot  means 
to  ends,  some  reverent  naturalist  of  the  old  school 
— I  think  it  was  that  distinguished  scientist,  Nolly 
Goldsmith — points  to  the  apt  illustration  of  the 
elephant,  who,  his  neck  being  too  short  to  enable 
him  to  gather  food  at  his  feet,  has  thoughtfully 
been  supplied  by  Providence  with  a  proboscis. 
On  the  other  hand,  it  may  be  added  in  the  same 
admiring  spirit,  the  giraffe  having  no  proboscis 
Providence  has  generously  endowed  him  with  a 
long  neck.  Both  are  marked  examples  of  creative 
skill,  and  so,  equally,  is  the  hippopotamus  who  has 
neither  neck  nor  proboscis.  But  he  does  not  need 
them,  saith  the  preacher  ;  he  feeds  on  roots  and 
water-weed.  It  is  not  easy  to  see  how,  with  his 
penury  of  appliances,  he  could  get  anything  eke  ; 
but  he  will  take  an  apple  if  you  chuck  it  at  him, 
and  thank  you  with  a  smile  like  a  country  church- 
yard. 


If  he  wasn't  a  preacher  he  mistook  his  calling 
who  stated  that  a  single  swallow  would  devour  in 
one  year  ten  million  insects,  citing  it  as  an  exam- 
ple of  how  abundantly  Providence  supplies  means 
to  sustain  the  lives  of  his  creatures. 


The  human  hand — how  admirably  it  performs  all 
its  functions  !  Does  it  ?  Can  you  crack  a  cocoa- 
nut  with  it,  or  lift  a  dead  mule  over  a  fence  ?  Did 
you  ever  try  the  second  time,  Mr.  Preacher,  to 
drive  a  Bcrew  with  your  thumb-nad  ?  It  would  be 
merry  to  see  you  travel  over  to  Sausalito  on  those 
neatly  adapted  legs  which  the  serious  damsels  of 
your  congregation  so  justly  admire.  My  brother, 
you  have  to  get  a  steamboat.  Be  so  uncommonly 
good  as  to  observe  that  in  this  imperfect  world  the 
end  is  adapted  to  the  means.  We  do  not  the 
things  we  will,  but  the  things  we  can.  Out  of 
millions  which  it  would  advantage  us  to  be  able  to 
do,  our  feeble  powers  permit  us  to  accomplish  here 
and  there  one.  For  my  part,  I  entertain  a  con- 
viction that  it  would  inure  to  the  general  welfare, 
and  to  my  private  satisfaction,  to  tumble  some  of 
the  more  brainless  preachers  out  of  the  pulpits  and 
make  them  go  to  work.  Providence  having  de- 
nied me  the  power,  why  am  I  not  compensated 
with  a  proboscis  ? 

A  fatal  street  fight  was  caused  the  other  night 
by  adveise  criticisms  upon  the  singing  of  four 
young  men  by  live  other  young  men,  one  of  whom 
carried  an  accordeon.  It  was  one  of  the  singers 
who  was  slain,  and  that  ought, -I  am  sure,  to  be 
considered  a  very  proper  selection  ;  but  if  two 
might  have  been  killed  nearly  any  intelligent  spec- 
tator would  have  told  oil  the  accordeon  man  for  the 
second.     If  there  is   anything  wickeder  than  the 

night-bl ning  vocalist  it  is  the  long,  malicious  in 

illation  of  the  dcsluinbcring  accordeon, 


THE    WASP 


A    TRIANGULAR     LITERARY    RIOT. 


"Who    Wrote    " The    Heathen    Chinee" 


A  few  months  ago  the  literary  editor  of  the  New 
York  Tribune  stated  that  Professor  Burlis,  of  the 
Michigan  University,  had  made  a  remarkably 
clever  Latin  version  of  Mr.  BretHarte's  '■'Heathen 
Chinee."  The  next  week  the  New  York  Times, 
with  a  laudable  desire  to  show  its  superior  enter- 
prise and  get  ahead  of  its  rival,  published  the  whole 
of  Professor  Burlis's  version,  and  singularly  clever 
it  appeared  to  be.  Like  the  original,  it  was  in  ten 
stanzas  of  six  lines  each,  the  rhymes  alternate,  and 
the  fifth  un/hymed.  It  had  a  great  vogue,  and  on 
the  strength  of  the  reputation  it  gave  him,  the 
learned  Professor  felt  justified  in  resigning  from 
the  University  and  taking  to  the  ''lecture  field." 
He  is  now  a  millionaire.  His  claim  to  the  author- 
ship of  the  Latin  version  was  of  course  not  suffered 
to  pass  unchallenged ;  the  illustrious  author  of 
"The  Beautiful  Snow"  disputed  it  warmly,  en- 
deavoring to  prove  that  he  was  himself  the  author, 
but  his  pretensions  were  disregarded  by  most  schol- 
ars on  the  ground  that  he  was  already  sufficiently 
famous  and  his  lectures  well  attended. 

But  Professor  Burlis  is  not  permitted  to  rest 
upon  his  laurals.  An  anonymous  writer  in  Notes 
and  Queries  has  been  rummaging  among  the  Har- 
leian  manuscripts,  and  affirms  that  he  has  found 
that  identical  poem.  It  was  written,  according  to 
this  authority,  in  the  Thirteenth  Century  by 
Clement  Constantius,  a  Benedictine  monk.  In 
order  to  supply  ammunition  to  both  the  friends 
and  the  foes  of  Professor  Burlis,  who  are  hotly  dis- 
cussing the  question  of  his  alleged  plagiarism,  that 
sturdy  controversialist,  Dr.  Jerome  Hart,  of  the 
Argnoaut,  having  carefully  collated  the  evidence 
on  both  sides  boldly  expresses  the  opinion  that 
this  is  a  matter  that,  without  detriment  to  the  in- 
trests  of  his  journal,  may  be  left  to  the  private 
judgment  of  the  reader.  Dr.  Hart  prints  the 
first  stanza  of  each  Latin  version  by  way  of  assist- 
ing the  reader  in  making  up  his  mind.  That  of 
Professor  Burlis  is  as  follows  : 

Quod  volo  observare, 

Habenda  lingua  clare, 

Ut  viis  pro  obscuris, 

Et  jacis  pro  perduris, 

Peculiaris  est  paganus  Chinaensis— 

Quod  surgam  monstratuxus. 

That  of  Father  Clement  Constantius  runs  thus  : 

Quod  volo  observare, 

Habenda  lingua  clare, 

Ut  viis  pro  obscuris, 

Et  jocis  pro  perduris, 

Peculiaris  est  Paganus  Chinaensis — 

Quod  surgam  monstraturus. 

Incidentally,  in  connection  with  this  subject,  it 
occurred  to  Mr.  Bartlett  of  the  Bulletin  that  Mr. 
Bret  Harte  might  himself  need  some  defense  in 
the  matter  if  it  should  prove  that  the  work  of  the 
Thirteenth  Century  Benedictine  monk  is  genuine. 
Mr.  Bartlett  therefore  took  up  the  cudgels  for  the 
Calif ornian  bard  and  made  it  very -warm  for  "a 
certain  pretender  to  literary  honors,"  as,  with  his 
characteristic  and  terrible  directness,  he  termed 
that  holy  father.  In  order  to  support  Mr.  Harte's 
claim  to  originality  the  combined  intellect  of  the 
Bulletin  staff  was  addressed  to  the  work  of  trans- 
lating the  stanza  last  above  given  into  vernacular 
prose.     The  result  is  as  follows  : 

Which  I  wish  to  observe,  and  my  language  is  clear, 
that  for  ways  that  are  obscure  and  for  tricks  that  will  not 
work,  the  Heathen  Chinee  is  unique — which  the  same  I 
get  up  and  am  about  to  show. 

Certainly  there  is  a  wide  and  apparently  irrecon- 
cilable divergence  between  this  and  Mr.  Harte's 
work  ;  and  Mr.  Bartlett  justly  points  out  that  he 
himself  could  have  read  the  stanza  of  Father  Con- 
stantins  a  thousand  times  without  it  having  in- 
spired him  to  write  anything  like  Harte's  "Heathen 
Chinee."  He  thinks  it  might  possibly  have  sug- 
gested to  his  mind,  or  to  that  of  Mr.  Upton,  an 
editorial  article  on  "Homes  in  the  Foothills,"  or 
one  on  the  exactions  of  the  Spring  Valley  Water 
Company,  but  that  it  certainly  is  an  insufficient 
basis  upon  which  to  found  so  grave  a  charge  as 
plagiarism. 

If  that  is  so,  Mr.  Bartlett  seems  to  us  to  have 
acted  with  singular  indiscretion  in  having  himself 
raised  the  question  of  Mr.  Harte's  literary  honesty, 
for  many  scholars  will  be  driven  by  mere  dislike  of 
Mr.  Bartlett  to  antagonize  anybody  that  he  de- 
fends ;  and  Professor  Mike  de  Young  may  carry 
this   reprehensible  feeling  to  the  extreme  point  of 


asserting  that  Mr.  Harte  is  not  only  a  convicted 
plagiarist  but  a  leper.  The  question  having  been 
raised,  however,  we  deemed  it  a  sacred  duty  to 
clear  it  up.  With  a  view  to  that  consummation, 
we  addressed  a  note  to  that  eminent  literary  au- 
thority, Mr.  Warren  Cheney,  of  the  Waruinhn; \r- 
land  Mt'titldif,  asking  for  his  judgment  in  the  case. 
After  carefully  balancing  all  the  evidence,  Mr. 
Cheney  sent  us  the  following  note  : 

I  cannot  think  there  has  been  any  plagiarism  in  this 
matter  on  the  part  of  either  Professor  Burlis  or  Mr. 
Harte.  You  will  observe  that  in  the  early  Latin  verses 
of  Father  Constantius  the  word  "Paganus"  is  written 
with  a  capitol  P.  In  that  of  Professor  Burlis  this  is  not 
so.  That,  I  take  it,  sufficiently  disposes  of  the  charge  of 
plagiarism,  so  far  as  the  latter  author  is  concerned.  As 
for  Mr.  Harte,  the  fact  that  he  was  for  a  long  time  con- 
nected with  the  Overland  MoutMij  is  an  unimpeachable 
warrant  of  his  literary  honesty. 

This,  certainly,  was  satisfactory  testimony,  but 
in  order  to  dispel  all  doubt  we  wrote  to  the  eminent 
historian,  Mr.  Hubert  Howe  Bancroft,  enclosing 
all  the  data  herein  given,  and  asking  from  him  an 
opinion  which  (as  the  judgment  of  an  author  whose 
learning  had  been  recognized  by  degrees  conferred 
upon  him  by  all  the  great  colleges  and  universities 
of  Europe  and  America)  would  command  universal 
respect.     Mr.  Bancroft  replied  : 

Sir — I  can  employ  my  time  and  strength  to  better  ad- 
vantage than  in  learning  either  Latin  or  English.  My 
assistants  are  for  the  most  part  employed  in  abstracting 
and  collating  that  kind  of  knowledge  for  me.  I  have  not 
therefore  taken  the  trouble  to  read  either  Father  Con- 
stantius or  Professor  Burlis,  and  life  is  too  short  for  me 
to  understand  Bret  Harte.  The  charge  of  plagiarism, 
however,  is  absurd.  You  will  observe  that  the  three 
poems  were  written  in  this  order  :  1 — that  of  Father 
Constantius;  2— that  of  Bret  Harte  ;  3— that  of  Professor 
Burlis.  This  conclusively  establishes  the  validity  of  Pro- 
fessor Burlis  to  the  authorship  of  all.  The  other  gentle- 
men must  be  regarded  as  his  assistants,  employed  by  him 
in  the  mere  mechanical  labor  of  collecting  his  material 
and  writing  his  immortal  poem.  I  am  very  truly  yours. 
H.  H.  Bancroft.  X  His  Ma  rk. 

That  seems  definitively  to  settle  it,  and  dispose  of 
Professor  Burlis's  slanderers.  By  right  of  pos- 
terity he  is  the  undoubted  author  of  all  three  forms 
of  the  famous  poem,  and  both  Mr.  Bartlett,  of  the 
Bulletin,  and  the  anonymous  writer  in  Notes  and. 
Queries  are  hereby  beseeched  to  give  us  a  rest. 


LITTLE    JOHNNY, 


My  Uncle  Ned,  wich  has  been  in wen  I  had 

rwote  jest  that  far  Uncle  Ned  hisself  he  come  in, 
and  he  luked  over  my  sholder,  and  tuke  hole  of  my 
arm,  and  helled  it.  And  then  he  said,  Uncle  Ned 
did,   "  Johnny,"  and  I  sed  wot  did  he  want. 

Uncle  Ned  he  said,  "  Johnny,  you  were  a  goin  to 
rwite  something  a  bout  me  havin  been  in  the  pen- 
itentionary.  Now  dont  you  dny  it,  cause  I  know 
yure  stile,  and  and  I  havent  never  been  put  in.  It 
was  all  a  mistake  arisin  from  my  bein  a  Demmi- 
crat." 

Then  I  spoke  up  and  sed  wot  was  a  Demmicrat, 
and  Uncle  Ned  he  sed,  "  Johnny,  Ime  sprised  and 
paned  at  sech  iggernance  in  a  rwiter  for  the  public 
press.  Now  you  jest  lisen  to  your  Uncle  Ned, 
wich  has  been  in  Injyand  every  where.  One  time 
a  feller  he  was  a  traveling  a  long  a  road  and  he  see 
a  other  feller  a  settin  on  a  stump,  a  suckin  egs. 
The  travel  feller  he  sed  to  the  suck  feller,  '  Do 
you  think  them  things  is  helthy  ?  '  Then  the 
suckin  feller  he  sed  '  I  haint  herd  em  complain 
any.' 

"  Then  the  travel  feller  he  thot  a  wile  and 
then  he  said  a  other  time,  'Ime  a  mity  hungry 
man,  wot  wil  you  take  for  the  egs  wich  is  left  ?  ' 

"  The  suckn  feller  he  sed  twenty  cents,  and  the 
man  give  it  to  him,  and  he  put  it  in  his  pocket, 
but  jest  went  on  a  suckin,  all  the  same. 

1 '  The  feller  which  had  bot  the  egs  he  was  mighty 
mad,  and  he  said,  (  Gimme  my  egs,  you  greedy  ga- 
loot, and  be  lifely  a  bout  it  ; '  but  the  other  feller 
he  jest  busted  the  end  off  of  a  other  eg  and  said, 
'  How  can  I  till  I  kanow  which  ones  is  a  goin  to  be 
left  ?  '  " 

Then  I  ast  Uncle  Ned  wot  had  all  this  rigmy  roll 
got  to  do  with  wot  a  Demmicrat  was,  and  he  said, 
Uncle  Ned  did,  "I  dunno,  Johnny,  I  dunno,  but  I 
gess  if  there  was  any  Reppublican  in  that  crowd  it 
was  the  chap  which  set  on  the  stump,  cos  us  Dem- 
micrats  spoke  for  wot  is  left  of  this  Guvment  long 
ago  as  last  fall,  and  we  are  gettin  mity  uneasy  wile 
we  wait." 

And  now  I  wil  tell  you  a  other  little  story  a  bout 
egs.  Once  there  was  a  ole  hen  and  she  was  a  set- 
tin,  and  a  boy  which  had  found  some  snakes  egs 


he  took  hern  out  of  the  nest  wile  she  was  gone  1 
dinner  and  put  the  snakes  egs  in.  One  night  tl  i 
egs  they  all  hatch  and  in  the  morning  she  seen  tl 
little  snakes,  wich  was  ofne  ugly.  The  ole  hen  si 
shook  her  head  and  wocked  of  and  got  the  ole  roo 
ter  and  shode  em  to  him  and  sed,  "  You  see  thei 
dam  worms  ?  Wile  I  was  a  sleep  las  night  the 
creeped  under  me,  and  they  have  sucked  every  la; 
one  of  my  eggs." 

The  ole  rooster  he  looked  a  wile,  mighty  sollei  J 
out  of  his  eyes,  and  then  he  said,  the  ole  roosti 
did,   "I  never  see  a  hen  yet  wich  was  without  1 
excuse,  but  I  gess  its  ol  over  tween  you  an  me."  j 

My  sister's  young  man  he  tole  me  that,  but  1 
think  he  is  a  big  fool  for  to  see  any  thing  funr  1 
about  it. 


ABED. 

A  Spanish  Minister  signalized  his  accession  i 
power  by  going  straightway  to  bed  and  stayii 
there,  lest  he  should  be  expected  to  do  somethin; 
No  English  Minister  ever  adopted  that  ignoble  e: 
pedient  to  escape  performing  his  duties,  but  Wa 
pole  relates  that  William  Pitt  and  the  Duke  ■ 
Newcastle  once  held  couusel  together  in  bed.  Pi 
had  the  gout  and,  as  was  his  custom  when  i 
afflicted,  lay  under  a  pile  of  bed  clothes  in  a  firele 
room.  The  Duke,  who  was  terribly  afraid  of  catc 
ing  cold,  first  sat  down  upon  another  bed,  as  tl 
warmest  place  available,  drew  his  legs  into  it  as] 
grew  colder,  and  at  length  fairly  lodged  liimst 
under  the  bed-clothes.  Somebody  coming  in  su 
denly  beheld  "  the  two  Ministers  in  bed  at  the  tv 
ends  of  the  room,  while  Pitt's  long  nose  and  blai 
beard,  unshaved  for  some  time,  added  to  tl 
grotesque  nature  of  the  scene.  "  The  Great  Coi 
moner  was  abed  and  asleep  when  Wyndham  ai 
others  of  his  colleagues  burst  into  his  room  ai 
shook  their  chief  out  of  his  slumbers  to  tell  hi 
there  was  mutiny  in  the  fleet,  that  the  Admiral  w 
a  prisoner  on  board  his  own  ship  and  in  danger  > 
death.  Sitting  up  in  bed,  Pitt  asked  for  pen,  in 
and  paper,  and  wrote  :  "If  the  Admiral  is  notr 
leased,  fire  upon  the  ship  from  the  batteries 
turned  over  on  his  pillow,  and  was  asleep  aga 
before  his  disturbers  were  well  out  of  the  roor 
The  shadow  of  death  was  upon  Fox  when  Geor> 
Jackson  came  for  instructions  before  setting  o] 

Germany,  and  followed  so  quickly  on  the  he; 

the  servant  announcing  him  that  Mrs.  Fox  h 
only  time  to  slip  from  her  husband's  side  and  ta 
refuge  in  a  closet.  The  interview  proved  lona 
than  she  expected  or  desired ;  and  finding  h. 
signals  of  distress,  in  the  shape  of  sundry  lit* 
coughs,  all  unheeded,  the  prisoned  lady  hud  noi 
source  but  to  tap  on  the  closet  panels  and  ask: 
the  young  gentleman  was  going,  as  she  was  peris 
ing  with  cold,  Looking  at  him  with  a  smile,  F 
bade  Jackson  farewell  forever,  and  released  ] 
shivering  wife  from  her  unpleasant  situation. 
Chamber's  Journal. 


ON    THE     WHARF. 


There  is  a  bride  among  the  passengers— a  awt 
thing,  the  soul  of  conscientiousness.  Wheat 
question,  "  Anything  dutiable  ?"  is  propounded 
her,  she  appeals  to  Harry,  standing  by  her  sit 
with  a  confident,  "You  know."  "  But  real! 
don't  know,  my  dear.  You  can  tell  better  wha 
in  your  trunks  than  I  can,"  from  Harry.  ( 
but  how  can  I  tell  ?"  she  continues  in  despair, 
don't  know  what  is  wanted.  I  have  some  presei 
for  friends  ;  some  little  tilings  I  bought  for  myst 
but  really  I  don't  know."  "  Would  §50  coverl 
cost  V  this  from  the  staff'.  "  I  think  it  would,  1  | 
perhaps  you  had  better  say  $60."  "All  right;;] 
will  swear  to  that?"  "Yes;  but  please  war 
minute  ;  perhaps  I  ought  to  think  again  hefor 
swear.  "Oh,  Harry,  dear,  is  there  anything  I  hi 
forgotten?  It  would  be  so  dreadful  if  I  shoi 
swear  to  a  lie.  Let  me  see,  [after  a  minute's  m« 
tal  calculation  ;  ]  yes,  I  really  think  §60  will  co« 
the  utmost."  When  the  bride  has  vanished' 
Inspector  takes  occasion  to  remark,  that  this 
quite  an  exceptional  case.  "  Usually,"  he  o 
tinues,  "I  must  prefer  a  man's  declaration  t 
woman's.  As  a  rule,  you  can't  depend  much 
women.  They  have  no  sense  of  responsibility,  3 
with  most  of  them  the  desire  to  smuggle  some!1" 
amounts  to  a  mania." 


Steinitz  is  the  king  bee  at  chess.  We  wo 
like  to  play  chess  with  him.  We  are  not  much 
chess,  but  feel  satisfied  that  be  could  beat  uswi 
our  eyes  shut. 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 
The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tocker  &  Co. 
hmi  removed   to  the  corner  of   Kearny  and  Geary  streets! 
Friends  and  the  public  will  pleu.se  take  notice. 


y 

LYDIA  E.  PINKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

Is  a  Positive  Cure 
For  oil  thooc  Painful  Complaint*  and  Weaknesses 

so  ci »iiim, ,,i  111  uur  ln'-t  female  population. 

A  Medicine  for  Worn  nil.     Invented  by  a  Woman. 

Prepared  Iiy  a  Woman. 

The  Grentort  SWlcal  DUeovcrj-  Since  the  Dnwo.  or  History. 

Grit  revives  the  drooping:  spirits,  invigorates  and 
harmonizes  the  organic  functions,  gives  elasticity  and 
firmness  to  the  step,  restores  the  natural  lustre  to  the 
■eye,  and  pUnts  on  the  pale  cheek  of  woman  tho  fresh 
roses  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
{^"Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe  It  Freely  -®9 

It  removes  faintness,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 
tor  stimulant,  and  relieves  weakness  of  the  stomach. 

That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 
and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  Lta  use, 
For  the  cure  of  Kidney  Complaint*  of  either  sex 
this  Compound  Is  unsurpassed. 

LYDIA  E.  PHTK1IAST8   BLOOD   PURIFIER 

will  eradicate  every  vo  stipe  <>(  Iiuiin.ru  fruni  tho 
Blood,  nnd  give  tone  and  stT.-npth  to  the  system,  of 
man  woman  or  child.    Insist  on  having  it. 

Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifler  are  prepared 
at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  $L  Six  bottles  for  85.  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  gl  per  box 
for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
inquiry.    Enclose  Set.  stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet. 

No  family  should  be  without  LYDIA  E.  PINTCHAM'S 

LIVER.  PILLS,  Ther  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  box. 

flSTSoldby  all  Druggists.'tBft         (1) 


S3T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
hauition.  Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Of.  C.    0.    SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential 


DR. THOMAS  HALL'S 


*f%\*  V.- 

&4E 


€&&<& 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURF 

A  deli^htuii,  appetizer,  Jiviug  torn!  ind  str-.ne.th 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepstaor  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Agile,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  mcdicnl  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
flrst  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

itSTFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


q0y 

jURES  /ill  PAINS;  NICE  Tn    usr- 
ItllODKS  .1  CO.,  urugglHtj,  Siin  Jusc,  California. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 


LIVER 


$72 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  atimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

UK  olovio      If  you  are  suffering  from 

■™  W  ■  Ct  ■  I  CI  ■  malaria,  have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  coutbo  of  it. 
U-    SOLD  BY  DRUCCISTS      Prf<->A  ft  I 


KIDNEY- WORT  1 


A  WEEK.     §12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costlv 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 


DEALERS  JN"   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terrng  and  S5  outfit  free. 
dre99  H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


Cough,  Lois  or  Voice.  Incipient  Consumption,  and  a 
Throat  ami  LunK  TroultlcM. 
In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOE    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    XO    (Mill  It.        Price,    30    <  .111.. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Proprs. 

411  Sansome  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  I'. 

TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£*OQ  EKAUNY  8TBEET,  SAN 

O  <<£  O  Francisco— Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  core  0/ 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  inind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  Tbe  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected  thoroughly  tbe  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  Information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Persons  "at  a  "distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HUME,  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  AddresB  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran, 
cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


H.  R.  Mackarlank. 


Gko.  W,  Macparlake. 


G.W.  Macfarlane&Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants, 


I  ll.l  -I'lriMil     BUILDING, ■ 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian 


QUEEN 

[glands. 


I  CURE  FITS 

tho  dluenHQ  of  FITS,  EPILEPSY  < 
study.  J  warrant  my  romedy  tocur 
btivo  fnl led  lis  no  reason  Tor  nutni 


When  I  say  cure,  1  do  not  mean 
merely  to  ntup  thorn  for  a  time  nnd 
then  have  thorn  return  again,  I 
mean  11  radical  euro.  I  have  mndo 
■  falling  SICKNESS  a  lift -long 
tho  worst  cases.  Because  others 
receiving  a  euro.  Send  at  once 
n  Free  Bottle  of  my  Infallible  remedy.  Glvo  Biuret), 
•"its  you  nothing  for  a  trial,  and  I  will  cure  you- 


220 
222 


224 
226 


^UFORN'AJUR/v,^ 

The    Largest    Stock:— The    Latest    Styles, 


CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE   PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


M4Nu 


F4CTURING    C0^? 


^ 


LIVER  AND. 

,T^B  UMt  F- 


KIDNEY  "REGULATOR. 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


«^TRY  PFUNDER'S  OREGON '  BL00DiPURIFIERl8~L.au. 


IN     AMERICA 


ST.       PATIll 


IN     IRELAND 


10 


THE       WASP- 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  tf^The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 

BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  CaL  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  S5.  Board,  per  week,  §4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  O"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand- 


(COLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
I  Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
J  mento.      Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER    Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  83T  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^"Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Euchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 

GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  $£T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
£%T  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  S&  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  Whites 
•  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
&3T  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer   of   Carraiges    and    Carriage   Wheels, 
■Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     S5TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  &&  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 

TATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 

State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 

city.     Good  rooms,  good  table.     Board  and  Lodging, 

$6  to  S12  per  week.     Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2.50.    Meals, 

25  cents.    Free  omnibus.    Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 

5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

HE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.     C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.     £3TThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price" — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


HEMWV    TIETJEN. 


MSQi~\434r  %.'k:-PINE.  STNEAB  POLK 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour" — the  very  best  in' use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.     JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     m~  Send  for  price  list. 

EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  S6.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £3T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  S3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Catne,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS1  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.}  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
■  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

JH.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 

ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ^"Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  §500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  i^THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 

ILLIAMS*  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.     It  is  just  the  thing 

for  chopped  hands.     For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 

in  fancy  goods. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Even'  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.    Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  C.  Hughes, 

5  e  i    Sansom  e    Street, 


Cor.V- 


SAN    FftANClSCOJ 


SPRING  1883. 
_  As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu 
tion  in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Plunder's 
celebrated  Oregen  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  §1  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacjn  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  :orner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son's  American  Newspaper  Annual  con- 
tains full  statistics  of  all  newspapers  in  the  United  States 
and  Canada,  also  populations  from  the  census  of  1880. 
Sentpostpaid  on  receipt  of  price,  1  hree  Dollars.  Address 
N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son,  Advertising  Agents,  Times  Building. 
Philadelphia. 

Ask  for  "  Brook's  "  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace' 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

£5T  Dresses,  cloaks,  coats,  stockings  and  all  garments 
can  be  colored  successfully  with  the  Diamond  Dyes. 
Fashionable  colors.     Only  10c. 

Dyspepsia,  the  bugbear  of  epicurians,  will  be  relieved 
by  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
04,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a-  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most   Delicate. 


(This  Bngravlug  represents  the  Lunga  la  a  health; 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 
Coidis,  Colds, 
Croup. 

Aim!  Other  Throat  and   Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRIXG  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it    has  No  Equal. 

FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDING-TON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LATJGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &   CO., 

ftp    4-*-*    AArt  :»■!■  dtfy  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 
^J)0    tU    g)ZU  Address  Stinson  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


♦ 


THE    WASP. 


11 


COW     COUNTY    TYPES. 


II.— A  Squatter. 

Coon   Dowdy   is  not  the  keeper  <>f  a  traveling 

menagerie,  although  the  miscellaneous  ragged 
army  of  half-wild  animals  which  gave  him  a  sort 
of  general  allegiance  might  have  led  one  to  sup- 
pose so.  A  sun-burnt  cow  of  had  character  and 
independent  way  of  thinking  formed  a  kind  of  pre- 
text for  a  struggling  family  of  calves,  although  it 
may  be  said  that  when  they  attempted  any  im- 
proper familiarities  she  repudiated  the  relation- 
ship with  a  kick.  It  was  indignity  enough  to  be 
made  to  serve  as  the  ready- made  mother  of  a 
foundling  hospital.  Horses  were  always  plenty 
in  Coon  Dowdy's  collection,  but  these  were  not 
permanent  members  of  the  family,  like  the  cow, 
for  they  formed  a  kind  of  four-legged  currency 
with  which  lie  did  his  trading.  Horse-trading  was 
his  one  form  of  intellectual  amusement,  aud  he 
bent  all  his  energies  to  perfecting  himself  in  this 
delightful  accomplishment. 

It  is  a  mistake  to  suppose  that  there  is  no  fun  in 
trading  horses.  You  risk  your  money  as  boldly 
and  blindly  as  you  do  at  poker,  and  there  is  the 
added  charm  of  the  chance  of  killing  something. 
If  that  something  should  be  the  horse-trader  who 
attempts  an  ill-advised  experiment  on  the  back  of 
his  uewly-ae<juired  property  it  only  adds  to  the 
excitement. 

Coon  Dowdy  has  a  family  dug.  The  dog  is  not 
known  by  any  name  in  particular,  but  will  answer 
readily  to  any  monosyllable  that  sounds  abusive. 
He  is  a  valuable  animal,  but  his  self-respect  has 
been  much  hurt  by  the  studied  indifference  to  his 
feelings  and  the  plentiful  dispensation  of  rocks  by 
the  superior  animals  of  the  Dowdy  family.  He 
never  barks  back  when  addressed  in  the  usual  en- 
dearing methods,  physical  or  moral,  but  simply 
makes  a  hairy  apology  of  his  tail  discreetly  crum- 
pled in  the  seclusion  of  his  hind  legs.  A  crushed 
dog.  He  is  chiefly  used  for  rounding  up  the 
Dowdy  hens — not  Mrs.  Dowdy  or  her  daughters — 
when  it  is  necessary  to  coop  those  evil-disposed 
fowls  for  one  of  the  frequent  Hittingsof  the  family. 
He  can  catouzle  a  hen  with  enthusiasm. 

I  remember  meeting  Dowdy  at  a  famous  hot 
spring  in  Arena  county,  accompanied  by  his  usual 
assortment  of  unkempt  camp  followers,  including 
what  might  have  been  his  household  goddesses  if 
he  had  a  house.  All  his  children  were  daughters, 
to  his  infinite  disgust,  because,  estimated  by  their 
capacity  for  doing  "chores,"  they  were  almost 
worthless  and  had  never  progressed  beyond  chop- 
ping kindling  wood  and  an  occasional  thumb.  As 
a  general  proposition,  he  regarded  woman  as  a 
waste  of  good  material,  and  a  bad  imitation  of  man. 
He  had  come  up  to  spend  a  part  of  the  summer  at 
the  springs  while  the  "crap"  of  corn  which  he 
had  planted  on  some  disputed  land  in  a  neighbor- 
ing valley  was  "making."  These  were  not  the 
kind  of  springs  at  which  there  are  hotels  and  city 
people  smelling  of  new  clothes  and  shouting  greasy 
slang  in  the  ear  of  the  ragged  hills.  There  was 
not  even  a  saloon  or  a  roasted  peanut  in  the  place, 
and  the  most  luxurious  of  the  campers  indulged  in 
a  brush  shanty  or  a  tent.  It  was  a  virgin  camp. 
Old  man  Dowdy  was  engaged  in  stretching  the 
canvas  cover  of  his  wagon  over  some  abrupt  poles 
so  as  to  form  a  tent.  Mrs.  Dowdy—"  as  elegant 
a  lady  as  ever  stepped  in  shoe-leather,"  the  old 
man  was  wont  to  say— was  squatted  in  a  crumpled 
heap  on  the  ground  in  the  shadow  of  the  wagon, 
her  husband's  old  hat  on  the  back  of  her  head,  and 
a  short  clay  pipe  in  her  mouth,  smoking  with  com- 
manding ability. 

"Hallo,  old  man  !     How's  times?"  I  asked. 
"  Hallo!     What  you  drivin'  at  up  yere  V' 
"Not  much  of  anything.     Just  got  into  camp 
,    eh?" 

"  Wal,    I  allowed  as  I'd  come  up  yar  while  the 
corn  was  making  an'  git  a  gen'ral  wash  an'  maybe 
some  deermeat  fur  the  winter." 
"  How  is  the  crop?" 

"I  reckin  it'll  make  corn.  Can't  tell  much 
about  it  till  huskin'  time.  That  won  t  be  long  now. 
Doggone  such  a  country  as  this,  anyhow.  A  man 
must  scratch  every  day  in  the  year  to  make  a 
livin'.  Back  in  the  .States  a  man  could  work  all 
summer  and  rest  all  winter.  Had  to,  by  gosh  ! 
Talk  of  climate  !  Shucks  !  Yar,  you  !  I'd  like 
to  know  what  you  all  is  adoin.  You,  Suke,  hurry 
up  an  git  some  kindlins,  an'  you,  Madge,  go  to 
cookin'  d'rectly." 

Then  he  hitched  up  one  shoulder  and  deliberate- 
ly pulled  a  jack-knife  and  a  plug  of   tobacco  from 


his  pocket.  He  did  not  appear  to  have  a  full  al- 
lowance of  joints,  and  wln-li  he  w.dkt-d  y.m  al st 

expected  to  hear  him  creak.  Inserting  a  satisfying 
chew  in  his  ckeek  he  squatted  on  his  haumihea  and 
picking  up  ;i  hit  of  wood  began  to  whittle  as  a  kind 
of  intellectual  stimulant  aud  aid  to  conversation. 
California,  he  thought,  was  no  country  for  a  poor 
man.  In  addition  to  its  objectionable  climate,  the 
soil  ititl  not  behave  as  it  ought.  He  was  content 
to  do  just  so  much  work  in  the  year  and,  that 
done,  he  held  that  the  obligation  of  doing  the  rest 
was  transferred  to  the  shoulders  of  nature.  If 
nature  failed  to  deliver  the  goods,  so  much  the 
worse  for  nature.  The  world  owed  him  a  living 
and  if  he  could  not  get  it  in  one  way  he  was  enti- 
tled to  it  in  some  other.  If  in  carrying  out  to  its 
legitimate  conclusion  this  grand  principle  some- 
body had  to  suffer,  that  was  none  of  his  business. 
It  was  only  the  necessary  result  of  a  badly  devised 
social  and  natural  system.  Like  a  man  in  the 
dark,  who  has  a  general  idea  of  where  the  spittoon 
is  and  6pits  at  the  idea,  his  intentions  were  good 
and  if  they  failed  of  hitting  the  mark  he  would  not 
hold  himself  to  blame  or  suffering  because  of  an  ill- 
regulated  world.     He  had  done  his  part. 

Autolvcus. 


DAN'L     IN     DE     LIONS'     DEN. 


By    Uncle    Bob. 


SOME     FRENCH     HUMOR, 


Dan'l  wuz  er  good  Christian  man  wat  lived  in 
de  Bible  ;  and  whedder  he  wur  er  white  man  or 
whedder  he  wur  er  brack  man  I  dunno  ;  I  ain't 
nuber  hyeard  nobody  say.  But  dat's  neder  hyear 
nor  dar ;  he  wuz  er  good  man,  an'  he  pray  tree 
times  ebry  day.  At  de  fus  peepin'  uv  de  day  Brer 
Dan'l  he  use  fur  terhop  out'n  his  bed  and  git  down 
on  'is  knees  ;  an  soon's  eber  de  horn  hit  blowed 
fur  de  ban's  ter  come  out'n  de  field  fur  dinner, 
Brer  Dan'l  he  went  in  his  house,  he  did,  an'  he  flop 
right  back  on  'is  knees.  An'  wen  de  sun  set,  den 
dar  he  wuz  agin,  er'  prayin'  an  er'  strivin'  wid  de 
Lord. 

Well,  de  king  uv  dat  kentry  he  'low  he  nuber 
want  no  prayin1  'bout  'im  ;  he  sez,  s^zee,  "I  want 
de  thing  fur  ter  stop."  But  Brer  Dan'l  he  nuber 
studied  'im  ;  he  jest  prayed  right  on,  tell  by'mby 
de  king  he  'low  bat  de  nex'  man  wat  he  kotch 
prayin'  he  wuz  gwine  cas'  'im  in  de  lions'  den. 

Well,  nex'  mornin',  soon's  Brer  Dan'l  riz  fum 
'is  bed,  he  light  right  on  'is  knees,  an'  went  ter 
prayin';  an'  wile  he  wus  er  wrestlin'  in  prar  de 
pater-rollers  dey  come  in  an'  dey  tied  'im  han'  an' 
foot  wid  er  rope,  an'  tuck  'im  right  erlong  tell  dey 
come  ter  de  lions'  den  ;  an'  wen  dey  wuz  yit  er  fur 
ways  fum  dar  dey  hyeard  de  lions  er  ro'in  an'  er 
sayin',  "Ar-ooorrrar !  arooorrrar  ! "  an'  all  dey 
hearts  'gun  ter  quake  sept's  Brer  Dan'l ;  he  nuber 
notice  'em  ;  he  jes  pray  'long.  By'mby  dey  git  ter 
de  den,  an'  dey  tie  er  long  rope  roun'  Brer  DanT 
wais',  an'  tro'  'im  right  in.  And  dey  drawed  up 
de  rope,  an'  went  back  whar  dey  come  fum. 

Well,  yearly  nex'  mornin'  hyear  dey  come 
agin,  an'  dis  time  de  king  he  come  wid  'em;  an' 
dey  hyeard  de  lions  er  ro'in'  "Ar-ooorrrar  !  ar-ooo- 
rrrar !"  An'  dey  come  ter  de  den'  an'  dey  open  de 
do';  an*  dar  wuz  de  lions,  wid  dey  moufs  open  an' 
dey  eyes  er  shinin',  jes'er  trompin'  backerds  an' 
forerds'  an'  dar  in  de  corner  sot  an  angel  smoovin' 
uv  his  wings  ;  an'  right  in  de  middle  uv  de  den  was 
Dan'l,  jes'er  sot'n  back  dar.  Gemmun,  he  wuz'n 
totch  !  He  nuber  so  much  ez  had  de  smell  uv  de 
lions  'bout'n  'im.  He  wuz  ez  whole,  mun,  ez  he 
wuz  de  day  he  wuz  born.  Eben  be  boots  on  'im, 
sar,  wuz  ez  shiny  ez  dey  wuz  wen  dey  put  'im  dar. 
He  preach  de  Word,  he  did  right  erlong,  an' 
after  dat  he  'gun  ter  sing  dis  hymn  : 

Dan'l  wuz  er  prayin'  man  ; 

He  pray  tree  times  er  clay, 
De  Lord  he  hist  de  winder 

Fur  ter  hyear  po'  Dan'l  pray. 

Den  he  'gun  ter  call  up  de  mo'ners  an'  dey  come 
too  !  Mun,  de  whole  yearth  wuz  erlive  mid  'em  ! 
De  white  folks  dey  went  up,  an'  de  niggers  dey 
went  up,  an'  de  pater-rollers  dey  went  up,  an'  de 
king  he  went  up,  an'  dey  all  come  dar  an' got 
'ligion  ;  an'   fum  dat  day  dem  folks  is  er  sarvin'  de 

An'  now,  chil'en,  efn  yer  be  like  Brer  Dan'l 
an'  say  yer  prars,  an'  put  yer  pen'ence  in  de  Lord, 
yer  needn'  be  er  fyeard  uv  no  lions  :  de  Lord  he  11 
take  kyar  uv  yer,  an'  he'll  be  mighty  proud  to  do 
it. 


Translated  for  the  New  York  "  World." 

A  guest  in  a  salon  is  bidding  good-bye  to  a  poet  to 
whom  lie  lias  just  been  presented. 

I  am  delighted,  sir."  be  Bays,  "  t<>  have  enjoyed  the 
opportunity  nf  making  the  acquaintance  of  an  author  of 
your  talent." 

"  Talent  ?  "  says  tin-  bard,  with  a  frightful  sneer  ;  "  I 
suppose  it  would  have  blistered  your  tongue  to  say 
'  genius1 !  " 


"  Prisoner,  what  motive  inspired  yen  to  poison  your 
accompli*-*/  '.'  " 

"  Well,  you  see,  Your  Honor,  I  wished  to  purchase  big 
silence  !  " 

One  of  the  latest  and  most  malicious  of  the  numerous 
stories  concerning  Prince  Jerome  Napoleon's  alleged  cow- 
ardice has  reference  to  his  famous  challenge  by  the  Duke 
of  Aumale. 

According  to  the  gussips,  Plon-Plon  exclaimed  Indig- 
nantly to  the  Emperor  : 

"  Why,  you  kimw  when  I  wus  in  the  <  Irimea  and  had 
50,000  men  with  me  I  never  fought.  And  now  you  want 
me  to  go  out  and  fight  all  alone  by  myself  !  Stuff  and 
nonsense  !  " 


( 'alino  describes  his  very  unpleasant  railroad  journey. 

"  There  I  was,  all  through  the  trip,"  he  says,  "  with  a 
window  that  would  not  close  right  alongside  of  me,  so  you 
can  imagine  the  sort  of  a  cold  I  caught.11 

"  But  you  should  have  changed  your  seat." 

"  How  could  I  ?  There  Wasn't  another  person  in  the 
compartment  with  whom  I  could  change  !  " 


Of  the  accomplished  dramatic  author  and  humorist, 
Eugene  Labiche,  a  very  enjoyable  story  is  told.  He  was 
Mayor  of  a  village  during  the  invasion  of  1870-71  and 
justly  prided  himself  upon  the  devotion  and  ingenuity 
with  which  lie  defended  the  interests  of  the  place  against 
the  Prussians. 

For  instance,  when  the  German  commander  announced 
that  if  the  village  gave  shelter  to  the  francs  tireurs  he 
would  have  the  Mayor  shot  off-hand.  "  Put  yourself  in 
my  place,"  said  Labiche,  argumentatively.  "  Here  we 
give  shelter  to  you  because  you  are  300  strong,  and  we 
can't  help  ourselves.  Now  suppose  500  francs  tircv/rt 
come  along,  what  are  we  to  do  ?  Can  we  help  ourselves 
then  ?  " 

"  Well,  perhaps  you  can't,"  admitted  the  captain, 
"  but  you  can  let  us  know  if  you  see  any  of  them  in  the 
neighborhood." 

"  My  dear  sir,"  said  Labiche  ;  "  suppose  we  were  in 
Germany  and  I  were  a  captain  of  the  invading  French 
forces  and  you  the  Mayor  of  the  invaded  German  village, 
and  I  asked  you  such  a  question.  What  would  your  reply 
be?" 

The  puzzled  captain  had  to  withdraw  and  Labiche  com- 
pleted the  conquest  of  the  officer  by  asking  the  Prussian 
Lieutenant  what  prince  that  was. 

"  What  prince  ?"  asked  the  second  in  command  ;  "the 
Captain  isn't  a  prince." 

"  Isn't  he  ?  "  queried  Labiche  in  innocent  surprise  ; 
"  why,  I  made  sure  he  was  on  account  of  his  distinguish- 
ed and  aristocratic  bearing." 

Flattered  by  this  compliment,  which  was  duly  reported 
to  him,  the  Captain  proved  an  invaluable  protector  to  the 
village.  One  icy  night  in  winter,  however,  to  his  conster- 
nation, the  Mayor  was  ordered  to  repair  instantly,  under 
guard,  to  headquarters.  Thither  he  was  conveyed  under 
guard,  expecting  nothing  less  than  death  or  deportation. 
To  his  surprise,  when  after  a  long  drive  the  prisoner 
reached  the  Prussian  headquarters,  whom  should  he  meet 
but  the  Captain,  who  fell  upon  his  neck  and  embraced 
him,  saying  : 

"  I  have  been  ordered  home  to  Germany,  and  you  were 
so  kind  to  me  that  I  could  not  leave  without  bidding  you 
good-bye  !     That  is  why  I  have  sent  for  you  I    Adieu  !  " 


On  the  last  page  of  the  cover  of  the  Wasp  will  be  found 
an  advertisement  of  San  Leandro  Village  Carts.  They 
are  said  to  be  among  the  best  and  most  popular  of  these 
convenient  and  fashionable  turnouts,  and  we  invite  atten- 
tion to  the  card  aforesaid.  The  advertisement  will  occupy 
the  same  place  from  week  to  week,  but  the  cuts  and  mat- 
ter will  be  changed  each  issue  until  all  the  styles  made 
are  presented. 

*  For  the  delicate  and  complicated  difficulties  pecu- 
liar to  women,  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound 
is  the  sovereign  remedy* 


10 


THE    WASP. 


AN    AWKWARD     CONFESSION. 


What  ?    Harry,  old  fellow,  still  brooding 
And  filling  the  ceiling  with  smoke  ! 

'Tis  late  and  I  may  be  intruding — 
Disturbing  the  dreams  you  invoke  ? 

"  Glad  I  came  "  ?    Then  I'll  make  myself  cosy, 
Just  shove  the  decanter  along. 
There  is  comfort  one  finds  in  the  "  rosy" 
When  everything  else  has  gone  wrong. 

"  What's  up  "  ?    Oh  a  woman's  deceiving— 
The  regular  story,  you  know  ; 
But  then  you're  not  given  to  grieving 
Over  feminine  sources  of  woe. 

No  matter,  I'm  far  from  heart-broken  ; 

And  though  I've  been  close  to  the  brink, 
Not  a  word  of  my  folly  I've  spoken. 

Too  easily  frightened,  you  think  ? 

No,  Harry  !     I'm  seldom  mistaken 

In  reading  a  woman  aright. 
Her  heart,  if  she  has  one,  is  taken. 

I've  thrown  up  the  sponge  and  the  fight. 

She's  a  trifler — as  shallow  and  heartless 

As  the  average  feminine  prize, 
And  I  deemed  her  open  and  artless 

When  under  the  spell  of  her  eyes  ! 

She  is  willing  to  act  as  the  ocean 

To  any  man's  river  of  love, 
Then  fling  off  his  honest  devotion, 

As  she'd  carelessly  take  off  her  glove. 

'  Who  is  it  "  ?    Why,  Harry,  you  know  her  : 
'Tis  the  girl  whom  I  christened  the  "  Queen." 
What  the  deuce  makes  your  countenance  lower 
O'er  a  woman  you  barely  have  seen  ? 

You'd  rather  I'd  make  no  allusions  ? 

Engaged,  did  you  say  ?    And  to  you  ? 
This  comes  of  my  midnight  intrusions. 

I hang  it  old  fellow Adieu  ! 


San  Francisco,  March  13,  1SS3. 


Bysshe. 


THE    C.    P.    R.    R,    AS    A    PORT    OF    ENTRY. 


Oaklind  is  not  a  port  of  entry,  yet  it  has  long 
been  the  practice  to  permit  the  unloading;  of  foreign 
ships  there  at  the  Railroad  Company's  wharf,  under 
supervision  of  Custom  House  inspectors.  Quite  re- 
cently some  indiscreet  consignee  kicked  against  the 
expense  of  an  inspector  ;  whereupon  the  practice 
of  unloading  at  the  Oakland  wharf  was  prohibited 
altogether,  as  "directly  contrary  to  law."  The 
kicker  was  injured  by  the  recoil  of  his  leg.  But 
on  Tuesday  last  Mr.  French,  the  Acting  Secretary 
of  the  Treasury  (Pappy  Folger  is  suffering  from  an 
acute  attack  of  senility),  telegraphed  an  instruction 
to  Collector  Sullivan  restoring  the  condition  of 
things  which  he  had  previously  declared  to  be  "  di- 
rectly contrary  to  law."  If  we  rightly  remember, 
the  name  of  French  has  before  now  been  discredit- 
ably conspicuous  in  connection  with  Railroad  mat- 
ters on  the  one  hand  and  Government  affairs  on  the 
other,  and  the  circumstance  that  this  matter  of  for- 
eign vessels  unloading  at  the  Oakland  mole  is  one 
in  which  the  Railroad's  interests  are  affected  serves 
to  recall  the  incident.  To  put  it  plainly,  we  sus- 
pect that  Mr.  French  revoked  his  first  order  at  the 
dictation  of  Mr.  Stanford.  However  that  may  be, 
it  must  amuse  Collector  Sullivan  to  be  instructed 
to  re-establish  a  practice  which  is  ' '  directly  con- 
trary to  law,"  after  having  been  ordered  to  discon- 
tinue it  for  that  reason.  Perhaps  Mr.  French  is 
only  a  humorist. 


SINE  DIE. 


The  Legislature  having  adjourned,  constituencies 
may  advantageously  scan  the  "  records  "  made  by 
their  representatives.  The  record  of  the  San  Fran- 
cisco delegation  is  disgraceful,  as  usual.  Mostly 
Democratic,  even  the  Examiner  views  them  with 
cold  disapproval.  It  must  be  said,  however,  that 
the  only  Republicans  in  it,  Senators  Perry  and 
McClure,  were  the  worst  of  the  lot,  and,  on  the 
other  hand,  that  two  of  its  Democrats,  Senators 
Lynch  and  Sullivan,  acquitted  themselves  with  ex- 
ceptional honor  and  credit.  The  best  bill  of  the 
session — the  Pilot  BUI— was  pushed  by  Mr.  Lynch 


with  tireless  energy  and  defeated  by  the  equally 
tireless  energy  of  the  McClure  person,  who  doubtless 
receives  the  substantial  gratitude  of  Messrs.  Goodall 
and  Perkins,  with  a  handsome  douceur  to  the  in- 
former—we mean  the  man  who  discovered  and 
brought  him  to  their  attention.  Mr.  Lynch's  ser- 
vices should  not  go  unrewarded,  nor  McClure's 
unpunished.  Another  man  who  has  done  well  is 
Mr.  James  V.  Coleman,  of  San  Mateo.  He  is  so 
rich  that  it  was  thought  he  would  be  la-/.y.  An 
contraire,  he  was  one  of  the  hardest-working  men 
in  the  Assembly,  performing  his  duties  with  con- 
scientious intelligence.  The  most  irritating  action 
taken  at  Sacramento  was  that  of  the  "  minority  in 
power  "  in  the  Senate,  on  the  Pilot  Bill.  This 
band  of  brothers,  headed  by  the  notorious  McClure, 
bodied  by  Vrooman,  of  Alameda,  and  tailed  by  the 
Perry  boy,  resorted  to  every  discreditable  artifice 
permitted  by  parliamentary  usage  to  strengthen 
and  confirm  the  robber  combination  of  pilot  boat 
and  tug  boat  in  its  unholy  exactions  upon  the  com- 
merce of  the  State,  and  succeeded.  It  is  matter 
of  public  notoriety  that  the  good  Goodall  and 
"pretty  Polly  Perkins"  bribed  right  and  left  to 
keep  their  grip — and  for  another  two  years  at  least 
they  will  keep  it.  The  Senators  who  assisted  them 
are  worthy  to  have  their  names  "inscribed  on  the 
page  of  history  " — and  on  the  passenger  list  of  the 
penitentiary.  "  They  are  Messrs.  Cronan,  Dough- 
erty, Fraser,  Harrigan,  Keating,  Kelly  of  San 
Francisco,  Kellog,  McCarthy,  McClure,  Nelson, 
Perry,  Routier,  Vrooman  and  Wallis— may  the 
devil  fly  away  with  them  ! 


HARPS    FOR    ANGELS, 


Republics  may  be  ungrateful,  but  the  represen 
tatives  of  the  California  Democracy  are  not.  Out 
of  the  waste  of  time  spent  at  Sacramento  rises  the 
beacon  light  of  gratitude,  and  it  shines  with  a 
brilliant  effulgence  upon  the  newspaper  correspon- 
dent, and  the  newspaper  man  generally,  lighting 
his  way  to  lucravtire  honors  and  untold  financial 
prosperity.  P.  J.  Murphy  of  the  -Host  has  been 
appointed  Secretary  of  the  Board  of  Pilot  Commis- 
sioners, with  a  moderately  fat  salary.  It  is  ru- 
mored, with  but  little  fear  of  contradiction,  that 
George  Squires,  of  the  Bulletin,  is  to  be  Secretary 
of  the  Viticultural  Commission,  including  a  trip  to 
France  to  investigate  phylloxera.  Ed.  Townsend, 
of  the  Call,  is  named  as  Secretary  of  the  State 
Board  of  Harbor  Commissioners,  a  very  comforta- 
ble position  for  a  professional  humorist,  provided 
the  old  Board  will  have  the  good  sense  to  vacate. 
Joe  Ward,  of  the  Examiner,  is'  down  on  the  list 
for  Secretary  of  the  Sericultural  Commission 
(which  means  the  propagation  of  silk  worms)  with 
the  possibility  of  traversing  Japan  in  a  jiurikisbau 
to  imbibe  cocoonic  knowledge  and  unadulterated 
teas.  Tom  Flynn,  it  is  said,  will  sway  the  desti- 
nies of  the  State  Educational  .Journal  and  instruct 
the  merry  schoolmarm  how  to  discipline  her  cal- 
low brood.  Last,  but  not  least,  Charley  Hughes, 
promoted  from  the  "  late  watch  "  to  the  Assembly 
Chamber,  is  to  be  Chief  Wharfinger  at  a  salary  of 
84,000  and  perquisites.  The  lines  of  the  newspa- 
per man  have  indeed  fallen  in  pleasant  places,  and 
the  community  has  reason  to  rejoice  that  genuine 
merit  has  at  last  received  a  just  recognition.  The 
newspaper  proprietor,  however,  will  hereafter  use 
more  discretion  in  exposing  his  young  men  to 
the  blandishments  of  a  Democratic  Legislature. 


PORKERS, 


The  Central  Pacific  Railroad  Company  should 
not  be  a  hog  ;  everybody  is  willing  that  it  should 
be  a  pig.  It  is  now  trying  to  choke  ofT  competi- 
tion by  stealing  the  submerged  lands  upon  which 
the  South  Pacific  Coast  Railroad  Company  have 
begun  to  build  their  terminal  wharf.  This  is  an 
admirable  example  of  what  Messrs.  Crocker  and 
Stanford  are  graciously  pleased  to  call  their  bene- 
factions to  the  State  in  promoting  railway  facili- 
ties. They  know,  and  everybody  knows,  that  their 
concern,  even  under  the  name  of  the  Oakland 
Water  Front  Company,  has  not  the  shadow  of  a 
title  to  this  property.  They  have  no  hope  of  es- 
tablishing one.  But  pending  the  decision  against 
them,  they  hope  to  restrain  the  Narrow  Gauge 
people  from  building  their  mole  and  erecting  their 
station,  for  if  these  are  permitted  to  do  so  they 
can  make  quicker  ferry  trips  than  their  competi- 
tor's and  draw  away  from  them  an  enormous 
amount  of  the  local  travel.  If  they  wish  to  ac- 
complish this  result  Messrs.  Stanford  and  Crocker 


might  with  equal  effect  and  greater  honesty  pursue 
a  policy  of  scuttling.  They  could  educate  Ben 
Truman  or  the  Marquis  de  Boruck  as  a  fireman, 
get  him  employed  on  the  apposition  boats  and  in- 
struct him  to  address  his  conversation  to  the  thin- 
nist  planks. 


IT     HITS    'EM     OFF, 


A  recent  number  of  Life  has  a  full-page  illustra- 
tion representing  a  heroic-size  statue  of  Thackeray. 
Beside  it,  standing  on  some  volumes  of  the  Century 
Magazine,  is  W.  D.  Howells  holding  up  Mr.  Henry 
James,  Jr. ,  on  his  shoulders.  Of  course  Mr.  James, 
even  with  this  "artful  aid,"  is  by  no  means  as  tall 
as  Thackeray.  Mr.  Howells,  with  characteristic 
disregard  of  grammar,  asks  : 

"  Are  you  the  tallest  now,  Mr.  James  ?  " 

The  latter,  sorrowfully  ignoring  the  question, 
says  : 

"Be  so  uncommonly  kind,  Mr.  Howells,  as  to 
let  me  down  easy  ;  it  may  be  we  have  both  got  to 
grow. " 

This  clever  cartoon  was  suggested  by  the  follow- 
ing sentences  in  our  "  Prattler's  "  denunciation  of 
the  literary  pretensions  of  Messrs.  Aldrich,  Howells 
and  James,  in  our  issue  of  February  17th  : 

In  the  Atlantic,  for  example,  the  editor,  T.  B.  Aldrich 
{a  nerveless,  colorless  jelly-fish  of  literature)  will  have  a 
long,  laudatory  review  of  W.  D.  Howells.  A  few  months 
later,  W.  J).  Howells  will  have  a  long,  laudatory  review  of 
Henry  James,  Jr.  Later,  HeDry  James,  Jr.  .will  come  to  the 
fore  with  a  long,  laudatory  review  of  T.  B.  Aldrich,  and 
the  circle  is  complete.  Three  dwarfs  have  towered  above 
the  heads  of  their  fellow- men  by  standing  on  one  another's 
shoulders  in  turn. 


'THE  SUPPLE  HINGES, 


In  considering  the  subject  of  "puffery  as  a  lost 
art,  "  the  essayist  of  the  remote  future  should  have 
his  attention  directed  to  the  Bnllctin,  a  newspaper 
believed  once  to  have  been  published  somewhere 
in  a  place  variously  termed  California,  San  Fran- 
cisco and  Deacontitch.     It  reads  thus  : 

The  officers  here  are  entitled  to  a  great  deal  of  credit 
for  so  promptly  getting  on  the  track  of  Marcus,  although 
they  feel  a  little  annoyed  that  he  should  have  even  tem- 
porarily eluded  their  grasp  and  got  away  from  the  State. 

For  the  instruction  of  the  future  essayist  we  will 
explain  that  this  relates  to  a  certain  swindler  who 
came  from  New  York,  boldly  and  openly  registered 
his  true  name  at  the  Palace  Hotel,  had,  we  hope, 
a  good  time  and  departed  on  the  Oregon  steamer 
at  his  leisure  a  few  minutes  before  the  officers 
began  to  be  "  entitled  to  a  great  deal  of  credit " 
for  getting  upon  his  track  and  being  told  that  he 
was  gone  from  their  gaze.  It  is  evident  that  if  they 
had  captured  him  the  vocabulary  of  sycophancy 
woull  have  been  exhausted  by  the  run  upon  it  for 
terms  that  would  adequately  have  expressed  the 
amount  of  credit  that  they  would  then  have  been 
entitled  to.  By  the  way,  the  Webfoot  officers  who 
really  caught  the  scoundrel  have  been  pretty 
severely  condemned  by  our  police  and  press. 


The  Harbor  Commissioners,  one  of  whom  was 
deposed  months  ago  but  has  managed  to  hang  on 
like  a  leech  inadequately  distended,  have  signified 
their  intention  to  hold  the  fort  against  their  newly 
appointed  successors.  As  their  successors  were 
legally  appointed  and  duly  confirmed,  there  is  a 
good  deal  of  vulgar  curiosity  manifested  by  them, 
regarding  the  grounds  of  their  exclusion.  Did 
they  never  hear  of  "  the  cohesive  power  of  public 
plunder  "  ?  That  is  the  kind  of  glue  that  fastens 
the  present  recumbents  to  their  seats  and  prevents 
the  Governor  from  getting  a  fair  kick  at  them. 


The  conviction  of  a  Nevada  county  murderer 
narrowly  escaped  being  set  aside  on  the  ground 
that  the  indictment  did  not  state  that  the  mur- 
dered man  was  a  human  being.  The  counsel  of  a 
man  charged  with  killing  his  father,  over  at  Oak- 
land, demurred  to  the  indictment  the  other  day  on 
the  same  ground.  One  would  suppose  that  the 
bodily  presence  of  the  prisoner — who,  it  is  not 
denied,  is  a  very  human  being  indeed  if  he  killed 
his  father — would  be  sufficient  to  satisfy  a  jury  that 
the  deceased  was  not  an  owl  or  an  ape.  It  is  true 
that  by  hasty  and  intemperate  speech  certain 
coarse-minded  Oaklanders  have  thoughtlessly  im- 
pugned the  prisoners  descent  from  a  human  being 
on  the  mother-side  of  his  make-up,  but  there 
appears  to  be  no  reasonable  doubt  about  the  old 
man. 


THE    WASP. 


13 


TENDER      AND    TRUE. 


The  next  morning  the  young  man  and  the  girl'a 
father  both  appeared  in  the  Mayor's  Court,  the  old 

•gentleman  beitii,'  charged  with  assault. 

"  Where  were  the  parties  standing  when  you  sa\* 
them  I  "  asked  the  court. 

"  <  hit  in  the  moonlight,"  said  the  witness  ;  "  the 
complainant  was  about  half-way  down  the  steps 
and  the  prisoner  was  standing  on  the  porch,  close 
to  the  edge. 

"  What  was  the  distance  between  the  parties  ]  " 
ask.il  the  court. 

"Just  one  foot,''  calmly  replied  the  witness. 

The  court  leaned  forward  and  looked  at  the  wit- 
ness earnestly  for  several  seconds,  then  with  a  pro- 
found sigh  leaned  far  back  in  his  chair  and  frown- 
ed awfully  at  the  otHcer  on  duty.  The  prisoner 
smiled  grimly,  while  the  complainant  tidgetted  un- 
easily in  his  chair  and  tried  to  reach  his  abrupt 
mustache  with  unavailing  teeth,  and  the  witness, 
calmly  gazing  at  the  court  and  placidly  chewing 
his  quid  of  fine-cut,  was  the  only  man  in  the  court 
room  who  sat  unmoved  and  undisturbed. 


THE    ORANG-OUTANG     SHOW, 


"  Well,"  said  the  barber  to  the  usual  crowd  of 
loungers  about  the  shop,  "I  guess  the  orang- 
outang show  will  come  off  this  eveving." 

"What  kind  of  a  show  is  tbat?'.'  inquired  a 
sf  ranger  in  the  chair. 

"Oh,  there's  to  be  a  wedding  in  the  town,"  re- 
plied the  barber. 

"  Who  is  to  be  married  ?" 

"  Well,  some  traveling  man  out  west  is  going  to 
marry  Mrs.  Hornswoggle's  daughter.  They  would 
have  been  married  a  year  ago  if  it  had  not  been  for 
the  old  woman." 

"  What  was  wrong  with  her?  " 

"  Oh,  she's  a  regular  old  tom-cat  with  goggles 
on.  She's  too  pious  to  blow  her  nose,  and  the  fel- 
low is  an  out-and-out  infidel." 

"And  how  have  they  fixed  it  that  the  marriage 
is  to  take  place  now  ?  " 

"  Well,  he's  worth  about  §40,000,  and  she  hadn't 
enough  religion  to  buck  against  that.  But  its 
lucky  for  him  that  he  lives  a  good  way  from  the 
old  woman." 

The  stranger  was  shaved,  and  as  the  barber  was 
brushing  his  coat,  he  inquired  : 

"  Do  you  H"e  in  the  neighborhood  ?  " 

"No,"  replied  the  stranger;  "I'm  the  fellow 
that  is  to  be  married  this  evening  ! " 


INGERSOLL. 


Being  pressed  for  his  views  on  liquor  legislation, 
the  Colonel  said  :  "If  the  Mississippi  and  all  its 
tributaries  were  filled  with  pure  whisky,  if  the 
banks  were  loaf  sugar,  and  all  the  low  grounds  cov- 
ered with  mint,  there  would  be  no  more  drunken- 
ness than  there  is  to-day.  I  believe  in  the  res- 
training influences  of  liberty." 

Colonel  Ingersoll  followed  this  with  a  story  about 
a  man  who  asked  another  : 

"  Would  you  like  to  live  where  no  one  ever 
drinl.-s  a  drop  of  liquor?" 

' '  Yes. " 

"  Where  everybody  is  industrious  ?  " 

"Yes." 

"  Where  everybody  goes  to  church  on  Sunday  ?  " 

"  Yes." 

"  Where  no  one  talks  scandal  to  his  neighbor  ?  " 

"Yes." 

"But  there  is  no  sueh  place.  Such  a  place 
would  be  in  Heaven." 

"Oh.  ro;  any  well  regulated  penitentiary  is 
that  way." 

A  Massachusetts  drug  clerk  has  just  accidentally 
poisoned  a  child,  who  died.  Meanwhile  people 
rashly  continue  to  indulge  in  such  luxuries  as  drugs, 
medicines  and  doctors. 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


During  the  past  week  fogs  and  ch.uds  obscured  the  stars 
night  after  night ;  the  moon,  her  toilette  incomplete,  de- 
clined to  show  her  sentimental  face  and  the  gas-company 
refused  to  light  the  gloomy  streets.  Thus  the  timid  seek- 
ers after  pleasure  are  given  to  reading  at  home  or  to  re- 
furbishing the  rusty  art  of  family  conversation  and— the 
theaters  are  neglected.  Possibly  their  attractions  may 
have  palled.     Whether  it  be  the  nightly  "Share-man" 


•  ■'■lij'- '  a  conjunction  of  both,  darkness  and  indiffer- 
ence, neither  tin-  Fiery  Pocketbook  nor  the  i  I " 

Pop ;  neither  the  companions  of  darkness  at  Bmersona 
nor  tin-  meteors  at  the  Baldwin  have  attracted  over- 
much attention  during  the  week.  The  managers  may  well 
exclaim:  "Let  there  he  light."  At  least  a  lit) 
light  and  a  little  less  of  supervisorial  economy ;  "least- 
ways" iightenough  t..  keep  from  Btubhing  one's  toes; 
enough  to  quiet  the  apprehension  of  garroting  or  other 
impertinence  ;  light  enough  to  guide  the  errant  shekels 
into  the  depleted  box-office. 

Meanwhile,  ami  despite  the  afore-mentioned  lack-lustre 
appearances,  preparations  for  the  grand  Tliomaa  Festival 
are  progressing  with  unabated  ardor.  EmmaThursby,  a 
lady  who  has  hardly  a  peer  as  a  concert  singer,  has  been 
engaged  to  appear,  and  the  announcement  of  that  fact 
has  given  a  new  impetus  to  subscriptions.  The  full  pro- 
gramme is  to  bo  published  in  a  few  days,  and  the  dia- 
grams of  the  two  floors  of  the  Mechanics'  Pavilion— where 
the  Festival  is  to  take  place— are  in  course  of  preparation, 
to  be  distributed  among  all  subscribers,  so  that  seats  may 
be  located.  The  promise  of  a  specially  brilliant  "  Wag- 
ner" evening  will  be  appreciated  by  the  host  of  admirers 
of  that  great  composer.  To  judge  by  the  number  of  sub- 
scriptions already  received,  it  would  be  advisable  for  those 
who  wish  to  secure  seats  for  the  season  not  to  delay  doing 
so. 

The  Parvenu,  at  the  Baldwin  Theater,  proved  a  bit  of 
comedy  full  of  cleverness  and  amusing  characterization. 
By  the  way,  the  name  itself  is  quite  funny  because  of  the 
variations  in  its  pronunciation,  both  on  and  off  the  stage. 
From  Pa-venoo  to  Parveny  there  are  at  least  six  distinct 
varieties  of  maltreating  those  three  syllables.  It  were  a 
trifle  unjust  to  judge  this  comedy  jointly  from  the  actor's 
and  from  the  author's  standpoint,  since  the  acting  is  not 
quite  up  to  the  mark  of  authorship.  Much  of  the  bright- 
ness and  smoothness  of  that  comedy  is  lost  by  the  per- 
formers ;  enough,  at  any  rate,  to  make  one  wish  for  a 
stronger  cast.  Despite  this  The  Parvenu  is  indisputably 
amusing,  and  in  it  even  the  Lingard  Company  appear  oc- 
casionally to  good  advantage.  The  part  of  "  Mary 
Ledger  "  is  particularly  well  done.  "  Lady  Pettigrew  " 
is  fairly  represented,  and  the  part  of  "  Sir  Fulke  Petti- 
grew," although  not  uniformly  well  performed,  shows  at 
times  some  very  clever  acting.  The  characterization  of 
of  "Joseph  Ledger,  M.  P.,"  upon  who-n  the  weight  of 
comedy  "sits  not  lightly,"  is  of  such  neutral  tint  that  it 
becomes  the  merest  varnish  for  the  actor  underneath. 
The  "Charles  Tracy"  is  a  most  natural  and  pleasing 
performance.     An,  rate,  there  is  nothing  to  say. 

At  last  week's  German  performance  Mr.  Link  appear- 
ed in  a  character  part  of  unlooked-for  quality.  It  made 
one  regret  that  this  talented  young  comedian  had  not  had 
the  opportunity  to  show  his  real  worth  until  it  is  almost 
too  late  to  do  him  justice.  The  excellence  of  his  acting, 
although  foreshadowed  by  his  previous  effort  in  "  Jacob 
Stern,"  was  a  surprise  to  all  who  had,  up  to  that  evening, 
seen  him  in  nothing  save  flippant  low  comedy  of  the  low- 
est order.  True,  Mr.  Link  was  clever  in  every  perform- 
ance, but  his  "  Wurzelsepp"  is  a  high  dramatic  part,  and 
as  performed  by  him  proved  intensely  interesting.  Con- 
trasted with  his  previous  efforts,  he  showed  a  versatility 
in  a  hitherto  unsuspected  direction,  and  in  that  a  thor- 
oughness which  is  highly  creditable.  The  very  able  sup- 
port by  the  leading  man  and  the  soubrette  made  this  one 
of  those  most  thoroughly  enjoyable  evemngs  for  which 
the  German  Company  are  noted.  It  is  to  be  hoped  that 
The  Darwinians,  a  comedy  by  Shweitzer,  wiU  attract  a 
large  attendance,  since  it  is  the  last  performance  of  Mr. 
Link  in  this  city.  He  will  be  the  "missing  Link  '  after 
that. 

At  the  Tivoli  they  have  Montana  in  place  of  Linda, 
and  are  doing  fairly.  The  performance  is  better  than  the 
attendance. 

It  seems  as  if  the  days  of  the  combination  of  opera  and 
"  refreshments  "  were  drawing  to  a  close.  So  long  as  such 
places  were  the  mere  lounging-resorts  of  free  and  easy  peo- 
ple who  came  to  drink  and  smoke,  and  who  did  not  care 
to  talk  or  to  be  compelled  to  listen,  they  were  very  well 
patronized  ;  but  since  they  have  been  changed  into  regu- 
lar theaters  and  people  are  compelled  to  sit  for  hours  ni 
uncomfortable  positions  and  listen  to  performances  which 
challenge  comparison,  the  public  have  become  cnticaland 
prefer  to  pay  a  trifle  more  for  regular  performances  rather 
than  witness  imperfect  representations  at  a  reduced  rate. 
The  sooner  such  resorts  return  to  the  old  way  of  chairs 
and  tables  and  refreshments,  subordinating  then  perform- 
ances to  the  appetites  of  their  guests,  the  better  it  wdl  be 
for  the  management. 


The  Secret 


of  the  universal  success  of 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters  is  sim- 
ply this :  It  is  the  best  Iron 
preparation  ever  made;  is 
compounded  on  thoroughly 
scientific,  chemical  and 
medicinal  principles,  and 
does  just  what  is  claimed  for 
it — no  more  and  no  less. 

By  thorough  and  rapid 
assimilation  with  the  blood, 
it  reaches  every  part  of  the 
system,  healing,  purifying 
and  strengthening.  Com- 
mencing at  the  foundation 
it  builds  up  and  restores  lost 
health — in  no  other  way  can 
lasting  benefit  be  obtained. 


7;,  Dearborn  Ave,  Chicago,  Nov.  7. 
1  have  been  a  great  sufferer  from 
a  very  weak  stomach,  heartburn,  and 
dyspepsia  in  its  worst  form.  Nearly 
everything  I  ate  gave  nic  distress, 
and  I  could  cat  but  little.  1  have 
tried  every  thingrccommended,  have 
taken  the  prescriptions  of  a  dozen 
physicians,  hut  got  no  relief  until  I 
took  Brown's  Iron  Bitters.  I  feel 
none  of  the  old  troubles,  ana  am  a 
new  man.  I  am  getting  much 
stronger,  and  feel  first-rate.  I  am 
a  railroad  engineer,  and  now  make 
my  trips  regularly.  I  can  not  say 
too  much  in  praise  of  your  wonder- 
ful medicine.  D.  C.  Malic. 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
does  not  contain  whiskey 
or  alcohol,  and  will  not 
blacken  the  teeth,  or  cause 
headache  and  constipation. 
It  will  cure  dyspepsia,  indi- 
gestion, heartburn,  sleep- 
lessness, dizziness,  nervous 
debility,  weakness,  &c. 


Use  only  Brown's  Iron  Bitters  made  by 
Brown  Chemical  Co. ,  Baltimore.    Crossed 

red  lines  and  trade-mark  on  wrapper. 


irig  to 
introduce  our  pupcr  entitled 
YOUTH  ii'to  thousands  uf  huims.  where  It  it 
not  already  tuken,  wo  iniiko  the  following  princely 
offer:  upon  receipt  of  sixty  cents  "i  postage  stamps, 
we  will  send  YOUTH  f"r  Six  months,  and  to  each 
person  we  will  send,  free,  tlio  Following  8  premiums; 
One  Combination  Needle  Casket,  containing 
4  Papers  Celel.mt.d  Li.n^-Eved  Needles,  2  Steel 
Bodkins,  2  Yarn  Dnrneis,  H  Double  Long-Eyed 
Darners,  2  Fine  Darner-,  2  Motto  Needles,  2  Wool 
Darners,  2  Carpet  Needles,  -'  Worsted  Needles.  J 
Button  Needles.  TIlCIO  Needles  are  best  quality. 
One  Collar  Button,  One  Microscopic  Charm, 
containing  the  Lord's  I'rnyer;  it  occupies  a  space 
less  than  the  eye  of  aline  needle,  yet  magnifying  to 
such  an  extent  as  to  show  the  Lord's  I'ruver  printed 
in  LARGE  type.  One  Beautiful  Chinese 
Lamp  Shade, -if  vurii;;nk'd  color  nntl  rich  design. 


;  very  handsome  Indeed- 


Porcelain  Pin ; 


iiuLriiiitiiiiuin  »  io   [imuiii,  unu  »  hi  wi-nr  lur  j-cuis 

One  Elegant  Ladles'  Pearl  Shell  Neck 


jam 


and  l 


paper  free.  YOUTH  ' 
trated,  Literary  mid  Fum 
and  sparkling  Storle*,  SI 
Notes,  Puzzles.  Pictures, 
net  the     ' 


!"]i'u"'-H 

hriL-ht 
...■],, .MH 
liingtoffl 


YOUTH  PUB'G  CO.,  32  Doano  St.,  Boston,  Haaa.* 


14 


the  wasp. 


DOT    PARBER. 


"  Oh,  der  very  subchect  of  dot  monkey  parber 
py  der  negst  shair  makes  me  sick  out  of  my  sdum- 
mick.  He  has  yet  vonce  more  again  mate  all  der 
gusdimers  mad.  He  sdarted  apout  a  veek  pehind 
yesterday  to  gif  avay  a  new  gonundruin.  '  My 
aunts  und  ungles,'  he  hat  sayt,  'all  haf  novhere 
else  lived  oxcept  Chermany  und  New  Yorick,  yet 
my  cousin  Loweesa  vos  porn  not  in  New  Yorick. 
nor  in  Chermany,  vnd  not  py  der  ocean  already. 
How  could  dot  peen  V  Yell,  dot  made  out  der 
greatest  oxcidement.  Blendy  gusdimers  sayt  she 
vos  in  Belgium  porn,  und  France,  und  Holland, 
und  Danemark,  und  Hopoken,  und  New  Chersey, 
on  der  vay  from  Chermany  coming  ofer.  But  dot 
foolish  parber  he  sayt,  'No,'  'No,'  'No,'  'No,' 
every  dime  choost  der  same.  Bretty  quick  he 
wrote  dose  dings  out  und  bosted  'em  der  site  of 
der  vail  : 

' '  '  HOW  CAS   SUCH  A  DINGS  PEEN  ? 

' ' '  My  aunts  und  ungles  all  peen  born  (und  lived 
der  whole  of  their  lifes  out)  py  Chermany  und  New 
Yorick.  Aber  mine  cousin  Loweesa  vos  porn  not 
in  Chermany,  not  py  New  Yorick,  und  n  ot  on  der 
ocean  yet. 

"  '  It  vos  easy  ven  you  found  him  oui.  ' 
"  My  colly  !  such  a  oxcidement  you  neffer  vood 
dink  of.  Yise  olt  men  und  young  smarty  vellers, 
dem  all  grazy  vent,  und  I,  minezelf,  forgot  minezelf 
undt  sayt  maype  she  vos  in  der  harpor  by  New 
Yorick  porn,  or  a  Hopoken  ferrypoat  inside.  But 
'  No,  no,  no, '  der  monkey  parber  noding  else  vould 
sayt.  To-day  he  hat  bromised  to  bost  up  der  ex- 
blanation,  und  there  you  can  see  vot  it  vos  : 

"  '  I  HAF  GOT  ME  NO  COUSIN  LOWEESA.  '  - 

"  Such  a  pig  lummix  of  a  grazy  fool  as  dot — he 
dires  avay  my  batience  out.  " 


The  Zelandia  Comet  is  an  amusing  little  journal 
got  up  on  board  the  Australian  steamship  Zelandia. 
We  should  think  this  a  capital  idea,  for  long  sea 
voyages,  even  on  so  good  a  ship  as  Captain  Web- 
ber's, are  likely  to  be  tedious  unless  the  ladies  are 
very  pretty  and  gracious.  The  editor  of  the  Comet 
is,  we  suppose,  changed  every  trip — a  plan  that 
might  advantageously  be  imitated  by  most  news- 
papers ashore. 


There  was  an  alarm  of  fire  turned  in  from  an 
Atlanta  artist's  studio  Wednesday  morning,  but 
by  the  time  the  department  got  there  the  conflaga- 
tion  had  been  subdued. 

"  What  was  it  afire  ?  "  asked  Chief  Ryan. 

"Colonel  Bumgardner's  portrait  !  " 

"  How  did  it  catch  ?  " 

"I  had  it  nearly  all  finished — all  except  the 
nose — and  when  I  laid  the  proper  color  on  it  he 
blazed  up  like  a  political  bon  fire  !  " 

"And  what  put  him  out  ?  " 

"Water  !  Water  will  put  the  Colonel  out  any 
time  !  " 


"Now,  Johnny,"  said  an  Austin  school  teacher, 
"  what  happened  after  the  angel  with  tho  fiesy 
sword  drove  Adam  and  Eve  out  of  the  Garden  of 
Eden." 

"They  had  to  eat  bread  to  make  them  sweat." 


A  young  widow  to  the  marble  cutter — "Tell  me 
must  I  put  on  the  tomb  of  my  husband  the  words 
'Eternal  regrets,'  or  simply  'Regrets?'"  "Ah, 
madame,"  replied  the  marble  worker,  with  his 
most  charming  smile,  "  that  is  for  you  to  decide. 
Does  madame  think  of  marrying  again  soon?" 


A  very  pretty  girl  in  Missouri  prevented  a  col- 
lision by  waving  her  apron.  Had  she  remained 
out  of  sight  the  result  would  have  been  the  same, 
however,  as  then  the  engineer  would  have  been 
watching  the  track  instead  of  looking  at  the  pretty 
girl. 


'  ROUGH  ON  RATS.' 


Clears  out  rats,  mice,  roaches,  flies,  ants,   bed-bugs, 
skunks,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c.     Druggists. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  12ti  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 

MOTHER  SWAN'S  WORM  SYRUP. 

Infalliable,  tasteless,  harmless,  cathartic  ;  for  feverish- 
ness,  restlessness,  worms,  constipation.     25c. 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS, 


J  are  Snfe,  Certain 
>  and     Effectual. 

.  ■  Sealed particuarsSe. 
TheCascaraMfg  Co.  2313  Madison  Square,  Phila   Fa 


H"       CELEBRATED        1^ 


fc%  ^  STOMACH ^ 

bitter* 


Invalids  who  are  recover- 
ing vital  stamina,  declare  in 
grateful  terms  their  appreci- 
ation of  the  merits  as  a  tonic, 
of  Hostetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters. Not  only  does  it  im- 
part strength  to  the  weak, 
but  it  also  corrects  an  irreg- 
ular acid  state  of  the  stom- 
ach, makes  the  bowels  act  at 
proper  intervals,  gives  ease 
to  those  who  suffer  from  rheu- 
matic and  kidney  troubles, 
and  conquers  as  well  as  pre- 
vents fever  and  ague. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  ao  prevalent  in  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  ai 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
PILF^  THIS  distressing;  cc 
rlUCOi  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
42-   IEP*If  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  $1. 1  USE  j^rugeTsta  Sell 


KIDNEY-WORTi 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY. 

Is  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  loo  evil  effects  ot 
youthful  follies  and  execsBea. 

DR.  BI.NTIK,  who  ia  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  llic  University  of  Petmsvivuuia, 
will  op ree  to  forfeit  Five  Hundred  Duilari  for 
acaseoftheklnd  the  VITAL  KE3TOKATIVB 
(uuder  bis  special  advice  aud  trcatnic"',)  wit 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  tbt 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  confi 
dkntiillv,  by  A.  E.  J1INT1E.  M.  D.,  No.  II 
Kearuv  Street,  S.  F.     Send  for  pamphlet. 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  t< 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms 


CALIFORNIA  SAFE    DEPOSIT   AND 
TRUST  COMPANY. 

32G    liovn.oiiim     STREET, 

.San  Franeiseo,  Cal. 

CAPITA!,  -  $2,000,000. 

Directors: 
j.  d.  fry,  g.  l.  bradley, 

C.  F.  MacDERSIOT,  JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  H.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TEYIS,  CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADSWORTH,  I.  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

J.    D.    FRY President 

C.    R.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Treasurer 

WM.  CUNNINGHAM Secretory 

Interest  allowed  on  deposits.  Deposits  received 
.subject  to  check  or  draft,  at  si^lit.  Certificates  of  de- 
posit issued.    Loans  made  on  collateral  security. 

The  Safe  Deposit  Vaults,  containing  4600  safes  of  different 
sizes,  with  rental  from  $2  to  £20  per  month,  or  from  £12  to  $200 
per  year,  according  to  size  and  location,  offer  the  most  absolute  se- 
curity to  the  property  of  renters,  who  have  entire  control  of  the 
the  safes  they  rent,  under  the  regulations  of  the  Company,  which 
have  been  carefully  made,  to  ensure  security  and  to  facilitate  the 
business  of  patrons.  Silverware,  jewelry,  trunks  of  valuable  arti- 
cles, bullion,  coin,  books  and  papers  of  mercantile  houses,  (ledgers 
which  will  be  received  or  delivered  at  any  time  during  the  day  or 
night,)  and  personal  property  of  all  kinds  received  for  safe  keeping. 

This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  collections  and  remit- 
tances, buy  and  sell  Securities,  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money, 
Exchange,  etc.  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  act  as  Executor  and  Administrator  of  Estates,  Guardian  of 
minors,  and  pay  annuities,  etc. 

Non-residents  and  persons  unable  to  attend  to  their  financial 
matters  personally,  will  have  their  interests  looked  after  with  the 
utmost  care. 

The  Capital  of  the  Company,  and  its  superior  facilities  for  the 
transaction  of  business,  give  guarantee  of  security,  promptness 
and  care  that  cannot  be  expected  of  individual  agents. 

The  establishment  of  a  reliable  Trust  Company  will  meet  a  re- 
quirement, the  necessity  of  which  has  long  been  felt  in  this  com- 
nity. 


SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP"  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


100 


CHROMO    ADVERTISING    CARDS.      No  2  alike.     Post 
paid.     New  York  Card  Co.,  205  Grand  St.,  N.  Y.     35c. 


A  GOOD  FAMILY  HOTEL. 

Families  and  travelers  visiting  Sacramento  will  find 
the  Rnss  House  situated  on  J  street  above  Tenth,  one  of 
the  cleanest  and  best  appointed  hotels  in  the  State.  The 
building  is  a  new  brick,  furnished  elegantly  throughout, 
having  all  modern  improvements.  Mr.  M.  H.  Henley,  a 
gentleman  well  known  in  this  city,  and  in  fact  all  over 
the  coast,  is  proprietor.  Mrs.  Henley  and  her  two  amia- 
ble daughters  superintend  the  household  duties,  making 
everything  home-like  to  the  weary  traveler.  Notwith- 
standing the  great  expense  in  fitting  up,  and  the  splendid 
table  furnished  the  guests  the  prices  are  only  from  §1  to 
SI  50  per  day  for  board  and  lodging.  The  street  cars 
from  the  depot  pass  the  house  every  five  minotes.  Try 
the  "  Russ." 

Dyspepsia,  heart-burn,  nausea,  indigestion,  etc. ,  are 
always  relieved  by  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


"  BUCHTJ-PAIBA." 

Quick,  complete  cure,  all  annoying  Kidney,  Bladder 
aud  Urinary  Diseases.     §1.     Druggists. 

***  "  In  choosing  allies,  look  to  their  power  as  well  as 
to  their  will  to  aid  you."  In  choosing  a  remedy  for  bowel, 
liver  and  kidney  diseases,  try  Kidney- Wort,  and  you  will 
never  regret  it.  If  you  are  subject  to  ague  you  must  be 
sure  to  keep  your  liver,  bowels  and  kidneys  in  good  free 
condition.     When  so,  you  will  be  safe  from  all  attacks. 


SAN  FRANCISCO  ADVERTISING  AGENCY 

Established     ISJO. 

A.  MACSORLEY  &  CO., 

306!  Jessie  St.,    Distributors, 

Respectfully   solicit    your   orders   for   the 


Lai' 


distribution    of   advertisements. 
ye  experience.  Excellent  references. 


As*  Call  or  address  postal  card. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT'S 

COMPOUND  EXTRCTS 

—  op  — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &_  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  "278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


Endless  amusement  for  only 
^30  Cents.     Our  NL-w  Budget  cont 
BcniHiIul  Fare  Picturou  ;  ]ixi  Choice  Selec- 
Ittons  in  Prose  and  Verse  for  Autograph.  Albums:  10| 

■  pieces  of  Popular  Music;   1   pack   "Hold  to  Light"! 

■  Cards;  I  puck  Comn:  Kseortand  Acquaintance  Cards;! 
1 1  pack  Flirtation  Curds  ;  1  Star  Puzzle  ;  10  Interesting! 

■  Games!  12  Mew  Tricks  m  Magic- L'5  New  and  Pretty! 

■  Fancy  Work  Patterns;  1  pack  Roller's  WonderfulDe-| 

■  lusion  Cards;  1  -Mystic  Oracle;  The  Great  85.00 Prize! 

■  Puzzle;  1  Chinese  Puzzle  ;  1  Egyptian  Cross  Puzzle;! 

■  1  Game  of  Fortune  Telling;  1  Double  Throat  for  Iml-P 

■  tatinz  every  sound  in  the  animal  kingdom  ;  1  Japan-L 

■  ecpo  Handkerchief;  1  Ornamental  Palette  ;  ]  Elegantly! 

■  Decorated  Planiie.    The  entire  lot  to  introduce  our| 

■  goods  for  only  SO  ventH,  or  two  tots  for  fifty  cents,! 

■  postpaid.  <  r<>*tfif7C  tramps  taken.)  Send  Now:  'Address! 

Home  31'fff  Co.,  Boxlglg,    Boston,  Mass, 


AMUSEMEN  TS. 


German    Theater. 

Directriee Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,     -     -    -    -      MARCH  i8th, 

Last  appearance  but  one  of 

Adolf      Link! 

For  the  first  time,  the  splendid  original  comedy,  in 
three  acts,  by  B.  von  Schweitzer, 

"DIE     DARWINIANER." 

'■  Raschbrman,"  Agent,         -        -        ADOLF  LINK. 
Sunday,  llaroh  35tli,  farewell  benefit*  of  Adolf  Link. 

Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Bros Proprietors  and  Managers 

First  week  and  great  success  of  Wallace's 
beautiful  English  opera,  in  4  acts, 

In  active  preparation — MANOLA. 


THE    WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP   CO. 

SteaiXUf  of  thisConirniin  will  sail  from  Broadway 
^  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  for"]x>rt>i  in  California,  Ore- 
l-  I,.  Waahlmrtoi]  anti  Idaho  Territories,  British 
>  Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 
California  Sorjlliern  <'ou»t  K..111.  .  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  sail  every  tlvt-  davn  at  it  ,\.  m.  (or  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Bartmra,  Los  Angeles  and  San  DiCgO,  as  follows: 
ORIZABA.  10th,  20th  ami  30th  of  each  month.  ANCON,  5th.  16th 
and  25th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  AN<  1ELE8  sails  every 
Wednesday  at  8  A.  M.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterev,  San  Simeon  Cav- 
aeos,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

JK&&*  <"oloml»ln  and  Alaska  Kuutr.  —  Steamship 
LUKfchA,  earning  U.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  W  T  Vic- 
toria, and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrangel.  Sitka  and  Harrisburg, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  nn<l  Paget  Sonnd  Route.— The  SteamersGEO.  W. 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Brittanic  Majesty's  and  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  2  p.  h 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  eaeh  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olvmpia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.  M.  on  the  9th,  19th  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  a.  m.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
[Note.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Frnnci-co  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Guibk. 

Portland.  Oregon.  Route.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  Ql'EEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells.  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Express,  even-  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A.  M.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

LSK*£?  and  HumboWl  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHfc&ThK  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

0-TP/Un,tw;*rena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffev's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL.  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

EalabllKhed  ......  1354 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  l'ears. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  20  per  rem.   Lower  than  any  other  lloofte  on 
the    Coast. 

t&  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SI 

BILLIAEDS! 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  bv  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHN  <  It  t:  til  AN  Continental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  bv  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUER.S  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
$1  per  doz.  For  sale  by  ail  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.         ap-14 


ON 
$5 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland.     w.iiiHii.t.    \rnnrh,    Sun    Jom*,    Loh    i.. 

'■!'■"» i.   i  .  iit.u   iiu<|  Simla  t'ruz. 

"PICTURESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES 
■*■  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Montcrc\  Bay.  Kcrty  miles  shorter  u 
SANTA  CUUZ  than  anv  other  route.  No  chance  of  cars  ;  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  DM  flret-clasa.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street.  BOOTS  bddb,  at 

8,Qrt  A.  M.,  dailv.  West  Sao  Lorenzo,  West  San  Leandro,  Ru»- 
■  OU  cells,  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Halls,  Newark,  Centcrvillc 
Mowrys,  Alviso,  Ar/news,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Lo$  Gatos, 
Aliua,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glen  wood,  Doughertys,  Felton  Big  Tree* 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  H, 

2.011   >'■  -M-.  I,:i'h  Express:  Mt  Eden,  Alvarado,  Newark,  Cen 
■  OU  terville,  Alviso,  AgneWB,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  and  Log 
Gatos.    Through  In  SANTA  <RIZ  every  Saturday. 

4,Ofl  ''■  M-  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE  and  intermed- 
_  .OU  ate  stations. 

Sundays,  Sportsmen's  1'rnln.  4:30  A.  M.  Return  trail- 
leaves  San  Jose  at  5:15  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:35. 
EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  #4.50  TO  SAN 
Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAND    A\D    ALAMEDA. 
§6:30—7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.    «J12:30— 1:30— 2:30- 
3:30— J:30— 6:30— 6:30— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland — §5:57 
_§6:57_7:57_8:52— 9:52— 10:52— «|ll:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:55 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Aluineda— §5:45— $ 6:45— 7:45— 8:35—  9 :3f 
—10:35— •111:35  A.  M.  12:35— 1:35— 2:35— 3:35— 4:35— 5:35— 6'^r. 
—10:05  P.  M. 
§Daily,  Sundays  excepted.  H  Sundays  only. 
Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  bv  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  222  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A,  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct  29.  GenT  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Ayt. 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,00^ 
Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,00(J 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -      —       -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


Morris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  2i  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  8AN   FRANCISCO,  OAX. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD  I 

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH    THKIK    UNIQUE    AND  VARIED  BOOTES  OF  R1VKR 
and  It-til  Transportal penetrate  all  sections  ol  tin 

Northwest,  and  form  dim  I  routi 

l  i>  Hi*-  <  olumhln  To  the  Dalles,  Umatilla,  Pendleton.  Walla 
Walla,  Dayton,  the  Palousc  Country,  Bnake  River  Points,  and 

Lewiston  ; 

Up  the  Pend  d*Orellle  Division— To  Ainsworth,  Cheney, 
Bprague,  Spokane  Palls,  Lake  Pend  d'Oreille,  and  all  point*  in 

Northern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

l'p  Hie  Wllluuu-in-  Valley  T<»  Oregon  City,  Salem,  and 
the  beautiful  country  of  southern  Oregon  : 

Dmvn  llic,*'oluiublii  —Through  the  most  plcturesqoe'srene. 
ry  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points. 

Over  to  I*uk«'I  Bound  ToJTacomn,  Olymnia,[Seattlel  Port 
Townsend,  Victoria  and  Bellngham  Bay  a  section  onrivafa]  kir 
it--  delightful  climate  and  channiiiL'  prospei  t& 

The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dally  Stage*  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  [Fork  Dsnujon. 
direct  for  Missoula  ami  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Snp't  of  TralHi:,  Portland,  Oregon. 
»;iii  I  riiiici-rii  iiilicr     -J  14  Montgomery  SI; 

1 863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1382 


PEBBLE 


SPECTACLES  I 


Elmwood,   Glenwotd,   Hudson  and  Our  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  aa 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
gtock.  The  smoothest  eastings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  stylea  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  s-'ii'e  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


CONSUMPTION 

wor.t  kind  and  oflonB.l.iidlnsl»»»  "fVJfn   inS? VsVfRFF    I 
la  my  faith  In  lis  efficacy,  that  I  will  aen.i  TWO   BOTTLES  iBEK,   I 
gcther  with  a  VALUABLE   TREATISE  ™  n,l>  disease. ,  to  any  •»»«'■ 
er     61»e  Eipress  &  P.O.  addro.  BET.  A.  SLOCUM,  161  Peul  St.,  J..Y. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  810  free.  AddresB  E.  O. 
HIDEOUT  ft  CO.,  10  BarcIaySt.,  H.  Z. 


MULLER'S  optical  depot 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  18C3. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The   most    complicated  cases  of  defective  vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE.^! 

J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AOENTS     FOE 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Beed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Coverisg. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Comer  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


Irv^QUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"- 


Round  and  Pressed 

cigarette;.   " 


Pure,  Mild, 
Fragrant  and  Sweet.' 


.  ALLEN  k  GINTER, 

Mtmnfaetorer*.    Richmond,     Va. 


1TICOIA  ffl H  E  fj  AILOR 

■B  POPULAR     PRICES!  POPULAR    TAILOR! 

■     LARQE    STOCK!  Men's  and  Boys' 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 

Men's    Furnishing     Goods. 


y        choice  woolen  Ready-Made 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


Chthing.  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

816  &  SIS  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


SIBEEIAN"    ZB^LS-^HVL" 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

OEPOT,     415     lloM  <■<>  II  i:iil     STBEET.  For  snlc  by  ull  DrnggktS. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY    4     YUNG, 
NO.    651    SACRAMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sak  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY. 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


Knlll  II!  .1  CHASE,  I3t  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agonts  lor  the  Celebrated 

DeckerBro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
FISCHEK  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  R.  Williae,  Ja. 


A.  Carlisle. 


SAN  FRANCISCO 


A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

22G     CALIFORNIA    STRfcET, 

Sax    Fran'ciscc 

H.      HOESCH, 

Restaurant 

Bakery  and  Ccnfeotionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 


AN 
Extraordinary 


Razor 


HAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
OWN  CO.  ol  England.  The  edge  and  bods- 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
(QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
[glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
Ishaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  ■>  CREATING  A 
[GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  a  re  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

TUe  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORYCARVING' KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 

DANICHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  ■*■ 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  II9  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


Prestiss  Selby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Underuill,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 


Selby    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS  OF   ' 

w      j  ».        B     **  w^n^i   stint   Rnr  Lead    PI"  lead.  Solder.  Anti-Friction  Metal,  lead 

T^fh^^l^nA^V^'        "               Lead  and  SUvfr  oSTu^ed. 
Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Leaa  nuiiiun.  


W 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

HITE    flOSE    FLOTTIR 


HANDFACTl  BED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

SST  See  loeal  notice  In  another  column, 


THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAX    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  |Tp        -      -         $3,000,000 
Beservc  V.  S.  Bonds    -       -     4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers- Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE  AGENTS  FOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


asrOLP       KENTUCKY       WELT^Rl^'^] 


J.  J.  Palmer. 


Valrntise  Ret. 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    &    BBO'S, 
337     Market    Street, 

OWNERS    OF 

Spreckels'Line   of   Packets 

Packages  and  Freight  lo  Honolulu 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUB 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


»g-DEPOT.  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. ^ 


01uckerlng&8onH,Boston;Bluthner,L«lpEig; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G-.  Scawechteu, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  SaN  FRANOISCO. 


PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

PRESSES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  an 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,  4054407  SansomeSt.S.  F 

We  have  on  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &      KR  EMPLE 

SUCCESSORS    TO 

Craig   and  Son, 

UNDE  RTAK  E  R  S 

And    EMBALMEBS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
AH  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


o 

o 


o 

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W 
w 

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!»i  o 

CD    IS 

Kg 

re 


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CD 

CD 
CD 


ws-  H A RDWOOlTTXIT/iBE^^ 


Wigmore,     "^DB 


SPEAR    STBEET,   SAN    IBAKCISCO 


DOME  &  HENSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,  A 


^LSk 


^.sk 


PRICE'S  SAN   I.K.I M>KO   TILLAGE   CARTS. 

(Piano-Box   Sttlb.) 

The  above  is  a  very  poor  representation  of  a  very 
handsome  and  useful  style  of  my  village  carts.  It  isa 
husinses  and  pleasure  vehicle  combined,  and  while  it 
has  all  the  advantages  of  the  Phaeton  style,  as  to  free- 
dom from  the  bobbing  motion,  ease  of  riding  and  pro- 
vision for  keeping  the  body  level,  it  is  much  better  ad- 
apted to  carrying  packages  of  any  kind,  being,  in  fact, 
the  same  in  that  respect  as  a  piano-box  buggy.  Its 
appearance,  with  either  one  or  two  horses  attached,  is 
very-  handsome  and  satisfactory,  and  it  fills  the  eye  of 
a  man  critical  in  such  matters  in  a  way  that  the  carts 
of  no  other  maker  will.  Its  riding  qualities  are  supe- 
rior to  those  of  the  best  buggy— its  long,  easy,  pecu- 
liarly hung  springs  giving  it  a  smooth,  floating  motion 
that  is  delightful.  This  may  seem  to  be  strong  lan- 
guage but  a  ride  of  a  half  mile  in  one  of  these  carts 
will  convince  anyone  that  the  matter  is  not  overstated. 
These  are  the  only  carts  made  that  are  entirely  free 
from  the  jogging  or  bobbing  motion  of  the 
horse  and  which  can  be  leveled  to  suit  a  large  or 
small  animal. 

They  are  sold  contingent  upon  sustaining  the  above 
statements.  Send  for  illustrated  catalogue,  giving 
prices  and  different  styles,  or  call  and  examine  them. 

£&  Prices  from  $90  to  $150 

Jacob  Price,  San  Leandro,  Cal., 
Inventor  and  Manufacturer. 

TRUMAN,  ISHA1U   A  CO., 

511  Market  St.,  San  Francisco,  Cal.,  agents. 

N.  B.  The  Carts  can  be  Seen  AND  TRIED  at 
either  place. 


Throat,  JHBk  LunSs> 

Catarrh,  Jfjk  _  Fevers- 

For   Coughs,  Colds, 
Whcopirg  Coughs  and 
P  }■■('-;      886       *%P'M~"~WS^    r'nroa*    affections 

Address :  '''  ,fyp*  [t  has  n0  e9ual  ■ 

\ ALENTINE    II  tssiIF.lt.    933  Wastalnglou  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    SUTTER    STREET, San  Francisco,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers    of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Franeinco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSB,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,260,000 

HOME  OFFIOE: 

5.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Surname  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 

D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wh.  J.  Duttow,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Caepentee,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &.    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPBESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ^033^   MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L. Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—!. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


S.  J.  PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Fine  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brac  repaired,  212  O'Farrell  Sireci,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 


PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


LIFE  SCHOLARSHIP  FOR  A  FULL  BUSINESS  COURSE,  $70. 


THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTED. 

BEST 

Regulated, 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE 

ON  SHE 

Pacific  Coast, 


HEADS 

OF 

Families 

(Of  moderate  means) 

CAN  aiTE 

THEIR  SONS 


Good  Business 

EDUCATION 

AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 


m    SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR. 


VIEW  OP  ACTUAL  BUSINESS  DEPARTMENT  OF  PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


Proff,  CiiMMBlllAJP  &  ROBI^fON,  Proprietor 
320  POST  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 


<«3^»     j!^     ^jtv    ^S 


o 


'▲ 


VOL.  X.        SAN    FRANCISCO,  MARCH  21,   ls83. 


^ 


±i  O  E  Dffi  Pt  E  !R 

Champagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from  Mr.    I  <m  i-  Borderer,  Reims,  over  hie  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.;    Before  purchasing,  sec  thit  each  ease  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 


;reakfast 
Lunch 

Go  to  the 
tw    Englant 
CITCHEN 

522 


THE  CELEBRATED 

iAMPACNE  WINES 

Messrs.  Deciz  &  Geldkrmasx  Ay,  en  Champagne.^ 

I 

CACHET     BLAXC- Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

>RDEAtA    RED  AND   WHITE   WINES,  * 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK.     WINES, 

In  eases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

arles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agent*, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


"6i7E  fly  sob  a  liberal  education," 


CHAMBERLAIN  &  EOBINSOK 

PHOPRIETORB. 


ACIFIC 


I       BUSINESS 
ftOLLEGE. 


U32Q  ;      , 


O^SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS* 


Leopold   Bro's 

LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Croseee 


S 


MOST'i 

Street. 


hotographer. 


LEN  M'GARY  4  CO, 

WHOLESALE.... 

QUOR    MERCHANTS, 

822  and  324  FRONT  STREET, 

.J   FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


3COFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

ipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO   

ramento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


MACONDRAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agents  (or  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

5YRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS. 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Etc., 
TI4    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND     1.1V 

I  l[l\<  II      ItRANDIES, 

FORT,    SHERRY,     Ete. 
In  bond  or  duly  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    2,     San    Franclseo 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR     SALE     Itl      ALL     l>III  I.I.IM  S. 


James  Shea.         A.   Bocqueraz.         R.  McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  .Inekson    Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON    J.    HARDY," 

"J.    F.    FITTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    E.YTRA " 

Old    Ronrbon    Whiskies. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


S  G  ~F-T  T  ■  I  T  Z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


EICHAED8    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
>*.    >v.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets,    San   Francisco. 


A 


I 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Parifler.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared* 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liqiior  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

Hazelton  Bros 

HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
A.  M.  BENHAM, 

OHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


IIANO) 
First  Class, 


iper  Heidsieclsl 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  CaMfornia  si..  San  Francisco,  Col. 


p 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

O.     Z  I  1ST  1ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR. 

No.  5  Monleomery   Street  (Masonic  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

gs*  colton  m 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,    X    and     10, 

Entrance,  800  Market  street. 

Dr.  CHAS   W.    DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Aufltralia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


Medium  Price, 

FULL    VALUE 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY 


FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  &  Oo's 

tpBUDWEISER  BEER;] 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Atsociation. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The  Highest  standard  of  Excellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

M 


1ST  Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY  ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Best  Work- 
mansbip. 


.  MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  'THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CUB  MANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L.  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding. 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SATJLMANN'S 

Restaurant  and    Coffee  Saloon 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  ban  Francisio 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS.  German 
Sausages.  A.  ltl.l  M  III:. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DKV  MONOPOLE  (extra), 

I»  1:0!  1>1. 1:1:1:  (sweet  and  dry), 
.HVilT  .1   CHAXUON, 
VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

ForSale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS 

(Johs  F.  Ssow  &  Co.) 
S3-  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6S8  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves.  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Rihbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan 
nels,  Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
<  HIS.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


j|.P.JAMOS:-.{; 


WILLIAM 


M.     D., 


F.     SMITH 

(Oculist.) 

formerly  at  no.  313  bush  street,  has 
removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nog.  114  and  mi  Market  street, 
>'«s.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  I0TJIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


Wo  Iters  Brothers  &Co  Feanc,sco  Daneei-  hbnrycmakov* 

importers  and  Dealers  in  I      F'     ^ANERI     &     Co., 

Dealers  in. 

Wine ssnrl  T  inimrc  wines,  liquors,  groceries 

vv  mes  anu  liquors        „  and  S9  CamoTnSa  s,rcet> 

221  California  Street,  San  Francisco        '  Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,    •     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  CRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERT 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 


$  $  f  f  f  f   $ 

OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW. 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets 
Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


R.  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
.    D.  A.  MACDOKALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill&  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

217  to  JJ5  Spear  St.,  318  to  220  Smart  st. 

Sax  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.    F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUHAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILIxIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION   block, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIO  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co. ;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  Ohina  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited) ; 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo. 
Nich.  Ashton  &  Son's  Salt. 


rr^v      PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    T 

0>i;  X^  IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES.    [ 

THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS  \ 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


+ 

'Mural 


DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 

530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

B^None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Isabel  and  Cnrk.jgg 


tKOHLER  &  FROHLING  1 

j*__626  MONTGOMERY  ST.  a  S.E.COR. SUTTER  aOUPONT.STS...  b 


L.    P.    DEGEN,    Maker   of 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


Pule,  delicious  and  healthful. 
809  MONTGOMERY  St.,  San   Franelsco. 

H  .     N.     COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTINC&  HOSE. 

405     M  UEKET     STREET,  ' 

(Cor.  Fremont1)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &     CO., 

nay,  drain  anil  < mission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP  _A_  IP   IE    ~El 


OP    ALL     KINDS. 


413  and  415  Saii.-oiue  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  FJgntn  and  Brannan  streets. 

0LAU8  SPBEOKELB President 

J.  D.  SPEE0KEL8 Vlce-Preident 

A.  E.  8PEE0KELS Secretary 

THE     AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Presidedt 
Office— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


'■>■<:: 


TRADE 


MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    & 

115     mlUUiT     STBEET,     ! 


SON, 

,    F. 


°\'0L.  10. 


y°34  7. 


SA/rr/ffj)  /?r  n/f  /vsr  o/s/es w sArf/Wivc/sce  ?/>£  w>?  /90WW  /v/?  Tif/f/v&M/s-si'O//  t-wch/g//  Ttys  Afj/ts  s/r  Sfcowo  cvsss  jfrfrss 


ST.    STANFORD'S    TEMPTATION.— HE    FELL,    TOO. 


THE     WAS!J 


HE    AND    SHE, 


She  was  sitting  at  the  window 
As  he  passed, 

And  he  wished  himself  in  Hindoo- 
Stan,  for  fast 

In  the  gutter  stuck  his  shoe, 

And  straight  in  the  air  he  flew 
All  aghasts. 

He  was  sitting  in  a  puddle, 

Awful  mad, 
And  his  head  was  in  a  muddle, 

It  was  sad : 
While  that  girl  she  coldly  smiled, 
Which  the  more  his  soul  it  riled. 

Crushed  lad. 


He  was  sitting  at  the  wiudow 

As  she  fell, 
I  think  it  was  a  sin,  do 

You  as  well  ? 
He  turned  not  away  his  head — 
They  were  silk  and  colored  red. 

Don't  you  tell. 


"ONE     KISS-ONE    WORD.'' 


A    Story    of 


Russian     Court. 


'  Dom  him  ! 


Did  he  kiss  and  tell?*' 

—Old  Scotch  Woman. 


A  new  beauty,  Alexandra,  daughter  of  Prince 
Serbatoff,  appeared  at  the  court  of  the  Czarina 
Katharine  I.  At  that  time  two  men  had  the  most 
influence  at  court ;  one  was  the  all-powerful  Min- 
ister Potemtin,  the  other  the  handsome  Prince 
Momonoff,  the  Czarina's  favorite.  The  wicked 
world  asserted  that  the  Prince's  beautiful  eyes  had 
no  leBS  influence  over  affairs  of  state  than  Potem- 
kin's  greater  intellect.  Despite  his  high  position, 
the  Prince  with  his  lovely  eyes  went  on  winning 
the  hearts  of  the  ladies  of  the  court,  and  the  keen- 
witted Minister,  notwithstanding  the  complica- 
tions in  public  affairs,  was  not  ashamed  to  seek 
through  diplomatic  intrigue  the  conquest  of  women 
of  rank. 

Momonoff 's  fine  eyes  soon  observed  that  Potem- 
kin  had  concentrated  his  talent  for  statesmanship 
on  misleading  the  young  Princess  Serbatoff,  and 
to  frustrate  this  plot  against  the  innocent  girl — he, 
himself,  led  her  astray.  Katharine  soon  learned 
this,  and  since  in  all  Europe  the  principle  ruled 
that  one  person  could  not  properly  till  two  offices, 
Momonoff  was  removed  from  his  position  and  com- 
manded to  marry  the  Princess  Alexandra,  who 
was  not  only  beautiful  but  also  rich.  Besides  this, 
Momonoff'  received,  through  the  grace  of  his  royal 
mistress,  gifts  to  the  value  of  eight  hundred  thou- 
sand rubles,  including  costly  jewels,  as  wedding- 
presents  for  his  bride.  In  the  dower  was  a  won- 
derfully fiery  brilliant,  valuable,  in  the  eyes  of 
connoisseurs,  not  so  much  for  its  size  as  for  its 
colorless  purity  and  the  way  it  was  cut. 

In  a  confidential  hour  Alexandra  asked  her  hus- 
band, "  My  dear,  tell  me  truly  why  you  received 
this  exquisite  brilliant  from  Katharine  V' 

"  I  can  tell  you,  but  guard  the  secret  well,  other- 
wise it  may  cost  us  our  heads.'' 

"I  swear  that  I  will  not  betray  it  to  anyone." 

"I  have  sworn  to  Czarina  that  I  would  tell 
nobody,  and,  as  you  see,  I  tell  it  notwithstanding. 
I  received  the  precious  stone—for  a  kiss." 

Alexandra  gave  him  two  kisses  for  his  betrayal. 
Then  she  promised  by  everything  holy  to  keep  his 
communication  secret. 

She  did  so— till  the  next  court-ball,  when  she 
wore  the  sparkling  brilliant  on  a  ribbon  round  her 
head.  There  she  met  the  Princess  Orloff,  who  was 
hep*  intimate  friend.  This  lady  marvelled  at  the 
costly  jewel  and  asked  the  price  of  it.  Princess 
Momonoff  wispered,  laughingly  : 

"My  husband  received  it  for  a  kiss,  I  had  it 
from  him  for  two.  But  don't  betray  it  to  anybody 
or  harm  may  come  of  it. '' 

Princess  Orloff  told  no  one  but  Field-Marshal, 
Romanzoff's  wife,  who  was  her  confidential  friend, 
and  this  lady  guarded  the  secret  so  well  that  she 
said  not  a  word  to  a  soul  except  Princess  Karza- 
koff,  while  the  latter  was  so  discreet  that  she  only 
imparted  the  story  to  Princess  DaBkoff.  The  secret 
"was  so  well  kept  that  by  midnight  Princess  Potem- 


kin  also  knew  it.  She  was  not  friendly  to  Momo- 
noff, and  was  known  as  the  first  and  most  intrigu- 
ing of  the  court-ladies. 

"  What  a  fine  brilliant  the  Princess  Momonoff 
possesses  ?"  With  these  words  Princess  Potemkin 
sought  to  attract  the  attention  of  the  Czarina. 

"Really?"  said  Katharine,  indifferently,  and 
then  recognized  her  gift.  "It  must  have  been 
dear,"  she  added. 

"The  Momonoff  says  that  her  husband  got  it 
for  one  kiss  and  she  got  it  from  him  for  two 
kisses." 

After  the  close  of  the  court-ball,  the  Prince  and 
Princess' Momonoff  gave  orders  that  they  were  not 
to  be  disturbed  until  two  o'clock  the  next  after- 
noon. But  in  an  hour  they  were  roused  from  sleep 
by  a  great  uproar. 

"  What  is  it  ?  Who  dares  to  make  such  a  noise  ?" 

"  "Your  grace,  the  chief  of  police  wishes  to  pay 
his  respects — accompanied  by  ten  ladies." 

After  this  declaration  the  doors  had  to  be  open- 
ed. The  chief  of  police  said,  very  politely  :  "  I 
must  beg  your  pardon  for  coming  at  such  an  unus- 
ual hour.  However,  the  Czarina  has  given  me  a 
little  commission  in  regard  to  your  serene  high- 
ness. Since  I  know  that  at  such  an  hour  men 
might  not  enter  a  lady's  sleeping  apartment,  I 
brought  these  ladies  with  me — for  the  necessary 
ceremony. " 

Momonoff  looked  up  in  alarm.  The  ten  ladies 
mentioned  who  were  gigantic  in  figure,  wore  thick- 
ly veiled  French  hats,  had  monstrous  fists  which 
had  burst  their  fine  Swedish  gloves,  and  knew  how 
to  stand  in  a  straight  and  even  line  next  each 
other  in  rank  and  file.  Instead  of  fans  they  held 
birch  boughs. 

-  The  chief  of  police  handed  the  Prince  a  little 
rose-colored  note  which  contained  the  words : 
"For  one  kiss — for  one  word — ten  ladies — one 
hundred  blows." 

The  polite  chief  drew  back  and  waited.  The 
ten  ladies  stepped  forward  and  seized  the  Prince 
by  the  arms.  The  doors  were  closed  and  what 
ceremony  took  place  behind  them  no  one  could 
definitely  learn.  This  much  however  was  certain: 
when  the  ten  ladies  returned  their  singular  fans 
were  worn  out.  The  chief  took  a  very  courteous 
farewell  of  Momonoff,  the  ten  ladies  ranged  them- 
selves again  in  rank  and  file  and  marched  away. 
The  chief  paused  to  tell  the  Prince  that  he  had 
brought  with  him  ladies  upon  whose  discretion  he 
could  rely. 

Nevertheless  the  world  learned  of  this  occur- 
rence.—.From,  tht  German:  Emma  Frances  Dawson. 


IN    A    NUT    SHELL 


In  the  almost  countless  volumes,  treatises  and  ed- 
itorial articles  that  have  been  written  to  expose 
the  monstrous  fallacies  of  "  Protection"  and  pro- 
tective tariff's,  we  do  not  remember  to  have  seen 
any  thing  neater  and  more  directly  to  the  point 
than  the  following  brief  paragraph  with  which  Pro- 
fessor Sumner  opens  his  paper  in  the  March  North 
American  Review  on  "  protective  taxes  and  wages. " 
It  goes  to  the  heart  of  the  matter  like  the  thrust 
of  a  stiletto  : 

"  The  discussion  of  protectionism  in  the  United 
States  constantly  turns  upon  questions  of  wages. 
The  question  has  two  forms.  The  employed  argue 
that  protective  taxes  will  make  their  wages  high. 
The  employers  argue  that  protection  is  necessary 
for  them,  because  they  have  to  pay  high  wages. 
Here  there  are  two  parties,  whose  interests  are  as 
antagonistic  as  those  of  buyer  and  seller,  who  ex- 
pect to  be  both  favored  at  the  same  time  by  pro- 
tective taxes.  The  protectionist  economists  do  not 
hesitate  to  encourage  both  wage-payers  and  wage- 
receivers  to  see  their  interest  in  protective  taxes, 
and  the  protective  legislator  does  not  shrink  from 
the  task  of  satisfying  both  antagonistic  interests  by 
a  single  measure.  The  employe'  wants  wages  high  ; 
that  is,  higher  than  he  has  been  getting — higher 
than  he  could  get  in  another  country.  The  legis- 
lator promises  him  that  he  shall  have  them.  This 
threatens  injury  to  the  employer,  who  wants  wages 
low.  It  will  not  do  to  make  wages  low,  however  ; 
so  the  statesman  promises  to  produce  the  same  re- 
sult by  making  prices  high.  It  sounds  badly  to 
talk  of  leveying  taxes  to  make  prices  high  ;  so  it  is 
affirmed  that,  after  all,  protective  taxes  lower 
prices.  Here,  then,  we  have  one  and  the  same 
device,  which  makes  wages  high  and  low  and  prices 
high  arid  low,  both  at  the  same  time.  Surely  the 
secret  of  universal  happiness  is  discovered,  if  the 
buyer  can  give  a  low  value  and  the  seller  get  a  high 


one,  both  at  the  same  time.  It  seems  strange,  at 
the  first  look,  that  anyone  should  so  far  insult  the 
public  intelligence  as  to  maintain  that  employers 
importune  Congress  for  a  measure  which  shall  raise- 
wages,  and  that  producers  exert  themselves  to  get 
a  law  passed  which  shall  lower  the  price  of  pro- 
ducts ;  but  the  real  wonder  is  that  some  men  (prac- 
tical men,  too,  be  it  observed)  actually  believe  thia? 
and  affirm  it  in  good  faith." 


MIAOW  ! 


In  Egypt,  cats  were  looked  upon  as  sacred  ani- 
mals. To  kill  one  was  an  offense  punished  with 
death ;  and  when  a  cat  died,  in  the  course  of  na- 
ture, all  the  inmates  of  the  house  had  to  go  into 
mourning.  Among  the  Egyptian  statues,  a  cat- 
headed  deity  is  familiar,  and  mummies  of  that 
sacred  animal  are  abundant. 

Cat  skins,  propably  of  the  wild  cat,  were  a  fav- 
orite trimming  of  handsome  dresses  in  the  middle 
ages,  and  restricted  to  the  use  and  adornment  of 
certain  ranks  by  the  sumptuary  laws  of  the  period. 
By  the  ancient  laws  of  Wales,  a  considerable- 
money-value  was  fixed  on  cats  and  kittens.  A 
good  mouser  fetched  fourpence  (the  same  price  as- 
a  calf  ),  while  a  new-born  kitten  was  valued  at  a 
penny.  In  the  middle  ages,  a  cat  was  the  only 
animal  allowed  to  be  kept  by  the  "Ankers  " — re- 
cluses who  lived  in  little  cells,  built  against  the- 
walls  of  a  church  or  a  cathedral,  without  any  open- 
ing into  the  sacred  building. 

In  Provence,  in  the  South  of  France,  a  singular 
survival  of  the  Egyption  cat- worship  lingered  long. 
At  the  feat  of  Corpus  Christi,  the  finest  tom-cat  in 
the  country  was  wrapped  in  swaddling  clothes  and 
exhibited  on  a  magnificent  shrine ;  but,  in  the 
same  place,  on  St.  John's  Day,  a  number  of  cats- 
were  burned  in  the  public  square,  on  suspicion  of 
being  accomplices  of  wizards  or  witches. 

There  exists  more  than  a  tradition,  actually  a- 
credible  record,  of  a  concert  of  cats  that  was  gra- 
tuitusly  exhibited  in  Paris.  It  was  called  a  "  Con- 
cert Miaulant  "  from  the  mewing  of  the  animals. 
They  were  trained,  it  was  discovered,  by  having 
their  tails  pulled  every  time  a  certain  note  was 
struck,  and  the  disagreeable  remembrance  caused 
them   to   mew   each   time    they  heard  the   sound 


'Scat  ! 


An  amusing  story  is  told  regarding  the  introduc- 
tion of  tall  black  hats  into  Inverness  early  in  the- 
century.  It  appears  that  the  first  hats  ever  worn 
by  the  Town  Council  of  that  burgh  were  presented 
to  them  one  day  after  a  dinner  by  Lord  President 
Forbes.  He  had  brought  the  hats  with  him  from 
Edinburgh,  and  so  highly  were  they  cherished  that 
they  were  only  worn  on  Council  days,  being  all  the 
intermediate  time  carefully  locked  up  in  the  own- 
er's chest  at  home.  Before  this  time  there  were 
only  four  hats  worn  in  Inverness,  which  were  worn 
by  the  two  ministers,  the  Provost,  and  the  Sheriff. 
The  first  trrdesman  who  wore  a  hat  every  day  was 
the  Deacon  of  the  Weavers,  Mr.  Young;  and  as 
the  country  people  stared  at  him  with  amazement, 
the  Deacon  used  to  exclaim  in  a  humorous  sort  of 
a  fury,  "What  am  I  but  a  mortal  man  like  your- 
selves." 

vjt  It  was  a  mighty  mean  thing  in  Ben.  Butler  to  go 
To  the  State  Penitentiary,  assemble  the  helpless 
prisoners  in  a  large  room,  and  then  and  there  make 
a  speech  at  them.  We  thought  all  these  inhuman 
punishments  had  been  abolished  in  the  prisons. 


A  Cleveland  woman,  trying  to  smoke  a  cigar, 
set  herself  on  fire  and  was  extinguished  with  great 
difficulty  by  the  patrol.  It's  no  use  ;  they  can't 
learn  manly  habits.  Better  confine  themselves  to 
sharpening  lead-pencils  and  throwing  stones  at  the 
predatory  hen. 


"  What  are  are  you  looking  around  for  so  much?'' 
asked  a  mother  of  a  sixteen-year-old  son,  with 
whom  she  was  walking.  "  I  am  looking  around  on 
your  account?"  "On  my  account?"  "Yes,  I 
want  to  pick  you  out  a  good  looking  daughter-in- 
law.''* 

"  What  kind  of  a  picture  would  you  prefer, 
miss  ?"  inquired  a  photographer  of  a  young  lady 
customer.  "  Well,"  was  the  reply,  "take  me  with 
an  expression  as  if  I  were  writing  a  poem  on  love." 


THE    WASP. 


FOR     GOODNESS     SAKE! 


A    Social     Event    Hitherto    Unreported. 


One  evening  about  ten  days  ago,  while  walking 
on  Bush  street  below  Kearny,  I  chanced  to  find  an 
unsealed  envelope  addressed  in  a  feminine  hand  to 
the  dramatic  critic  of  one  of  our  leading  dailies. 
Curiosity  compelled  me  to  glance  at  its  contents. 
Cautiously  turning  back  the  Hap,  I  discovered  a 
sheet  of  cream-laid  note  paper,  on  the  upper  left- 
hand  corner  of  which  was  a  gorgeous  sunHower. 
Underneath,  the  following  invitation  was  printed 
in  graceful  script : 


MISS    KATE    CARAWAY 

Will  receive  fti  r  frU  nda  on 

Thursday  Evening,  Starch   tStlu 

Miners  Restaurant.  n  SO  P.  AT.   : 


Suppressing  my  first  impulse,  which  was  to  for- 
ward the  note  to  the  person  for  whom  it  was  in- 
tended, I  bethought  myself  of  a  bold  bit  of  strat- 
egy. It  was  to  impersonate  the  critic,  whom  no- 
body knew,  and  thus  secure  a  square  meal  at  no 
expense  to  myself.  And  such  a  meal  !  To  eat  in 
the  presence  of  the  captivating  star  of  the  Mop 
Combination  !  'Twould  be  a  feast  tit  for  the 
gods  !  And  forgetting  how  often  I  had  sat  with 
the  gods — for  want  of  a  dress-circle  ticket — I  de- 
termined to  attend  that  banquet. 

I  did  so.  Nobody  questioned  my  right  to  be 
there,  and  my  presence  seemed  to  be  unnoticed. 
It  was  a  motley  gathering,  I  tell  you.  At  the 
head  of  the  table  sat  the  fair  hostess,  the  irresisti- 
ble Kate.  On  her  left  was  Mr.  de  bung,  the  intel- 
lectual journalist.  At  her  right  hand  sat  a  fierce- 
looking  French  count  whose  name  no  one  seemed  to 
know,  but  from  a  word  he  let  fall,  I  concluded  he 
must  be  the  Comte  de  Chambord.  Then  there 
was  a  retired  Major-General  of  militia  ;  a  smooth- 
faced magnate  of  the  stock  exchange,  fat  as  a 
prize-pig,  and  displaying  enough  linen  to  clothe 
the  poor  in  Ireland ;  several  men-about-town 
whose  cheek  is  their  fortune  ;  and,  to  complete  the 
circle,  the  Treasurer  and  lesser  lights  of  the  Mop 
company  had  kindly  consented  to  appear. 

The  voluptuous  hostess  was  attired  in  a  costume 
of  black  velvet,  with  Elizabethan  run",  the  neck  cut 
extremely  decollete' — so  much  so,  in  fact,  that 
when  the  turkey  was  served,  even  the  Major-Gen- 
eral blushed  before  responding  to  her  polite  re- 
quest to  partake  of  some  of  the  breast. 

California  champagne  flowed  freely,  and  by  the 
time  the  substantiate  were  disposed  of  much  hilar- 
ity prevailed.  Tapping  on  a  glass,  with  her  jew- 
eled finger,  the  divine  Kate  announced  that  toasts 
were  in  order.  She,  herself,  would  offer  the  first 
one — "The  men  of  San  Francisco;  without  them 
our  engagement  would  have  been  a  failure.  " 

Responded  to  by  Mr.  de  Bung,  who  said  : 
"Most  ravishing  of  maidens; — In  behalf  of  the 
men  of  San  Francisco,  I  thank  you  for  this  tribute 
of  esteem.  In  the  future,  as  in  the  past,  it  shall 
be  our  aim  to  make  pleasant  Jie  visits  of  friend- 
less girls  to  San  Francisco.  Referring  "more  par- 
ticularly to  the  lady  whose  guests  we  are,  I  can 
truthfully  claim  to  have  done  as  much,  if  not 
more,  than  anyone  here  present  towards  exciting 
the  enthusiasm  of  the  public  in  her  behalf.  My 
young  men  have  worked  night  and  day,  and  have 
exhausted  the  language  of  compliment  in  describ- 
ing her  charms  ;  I  have  published  her  biography; 
in  short,  I  have  engineered  the  Caraway  boom. 
f  must  confess  that  I've  got—' 

"  Left!  "  shouted  somebody  from  the  other  end 
of  the  table,  but  the  word  was  drowned  in  the 
clinking  of  glasses  as  the  toast  was  drunk. 

Miss  Caraway  never  looked  lovelier  than  when 
she  arose  to  respond.  Casting  conventionality  to 
the  winds,  she  mounted  her  chair  and  from  that 
coign  of  vantage  surveyed  the  festive  scene. 
"  A  song  !  A  song  !  "  came  from  all  sides. 
No  sooner  said  than  done.  Assuming  her  most 
demure  expression,  she  glanced  first  at  one  and  then 
at  another  of  her  assembled  admirers  and  sang, 
most  mischievously  : 

"  You  send  stacks  of  flowers  to  me  every  night, 
But  for  goodness  sake  don't  say  I've  sold  you  ; 

You  assure  me  your  love  Platonic  is  quite, 
But  for  goodness  sake  don't  say  I've  sold  you. 

You  all  must  admit  that  I  am  a  great  tease, 
I  throw  you  a  kiss  when  you  ask  for  a  squeeze  ; 


\  ou  may  hint  to  the  boys  you  can  do  as  you  j*l. 
But  for  goodness  sake  don't  nay  I  v.   sold  vu. 

Strangely  enough  all  applauded  the  Bong,  and 
from  force  of  habit,  the  French  count  handed  up  a 
cauliflower  and  a  napkin  ring  to  the  singer. 

"  Now  "  said  the  pspudo  Comte  de   Chambord, 

"  If  you  will  pardon  me,  I  haf  a  mot—  " 

There  was  a  fluttering  of  perfumed  handker- 
chiefs; some  one  hit  the  Count  on  the  nose  with  an 
orange,  and  he  sat  down  in  disgust. 

"  I  propose  the  health  ot  Miss  Berry  "  remarked 
the  linen-draped  magnate  of  the  Stock  Exchange. 

This  was  as  a  fire-brand  cast  into  the  camp  of 
"  Battery  B.  "  The  opposing  factions  were 
aroused. 

"No  !  No  !  No!  This  isn't  her  racket.  It  is 
Caraway's  game  to-night.  " 

"  Yes  !  Yes  !     Give  us  the  '  Dandy  Third.  '  " 

"Mustered  out.  Too  many  chaws,"  growled 
the  Major-General. 

The  impending  row  wasaverted  by  the  idiotic  blun- 
der of  Mop  Packey,  the  comedian  of  the  Combina- 
tion, who  made  a  practical  application  of  the  Gen- 
eral's remark  about  the  Third  Regiment,  and  had 
all  the  mustard  out  of  the  bottles  on  the  table  be- 
fore his  actions  were  noticed. 

"  Such  is  the  stupidity  of  the  average  comedian," 
said  the  jesthetic  tenor,  who,  tired  of  hiding  his 
light  and  limbs  under  the  bushel  of  society,  had 
consented  to  warble  Romeo's  love  for  a  few  paltry 
dollars  a  week. 

"  Won't  Stumbler  sing  '  The  Silver  Line '  ?  " 
asked  a  Pine  street  broker. 

"  The  Silver  Line  t  what's  it  good  fori ,"  sneered 
a  broker  from  California  street,  who  had  been 
bitten  by  the  Comstock. 

"It's  good  to  haul  the  suckers  in  by,  "  was  the 
whispered  observation  of  the  shrewd  Stumbler, 
which,  luckily,  was  not  heard  across  the  table. 

The  fun  now  waxed  fast  and  furious.  Mr.  de 
Bung  arose  on  his  ear,  and  vociferously  denounced 
the  iniquity  of  the  Spreckels  monopoly  ;  Stumbler 
stumbled  over  the  prostrate  form  of  the  Pine  street 
broker,  who  wished  it  were  always  May;  Berry  re- 
tired behind  the  parent  bush  for  safety;  the  Major- 
General,  whose  appetite  seemed  insatiable,  laid 
violent  hands  on  the  Grub;  my  head  was  in  a  whirl; 
my  glass  was  empty  and  so  were  all  the  bottles 
within  reach.  I  crawled  under  the  table  and  went 
to  sleep. 

When  I  awoke  the  banquet  hall  seemed  deserted, 
but  I  was  soon  undeceived  by  the  sound  of  voices. 
Peering  from  beneath  the  tablecloth,  I  saw  the 
French  count,  the  Treasurer  of  the  Mop  com- 
pany, and — could  I  believe  my  eyes  ? — Uncle 
Harris  !     And  this  is  what  I  heard  : 

Treasurer — Hearts  are  trumps  no  longer.  We 
must  play  diamonds  now.  Jack,  (to  the  Count)  you 
must  lead  with  a  pair  of  eardrops  to-morrow  night. 
Some  galoot  will  see  your  hand  and  go  you  one 
better.  Keep  on  working  the  outside  racket  for 
all  it's  worth,  and  I'll  make  you  a  Baron  when  we 
get  back  to  Denver. 

The  Count  alias  Jack — Haf  you  ze  diamonds 
ready  ? 

Treasurer— Hand  them  over,  Uncle. 

Uncle  Harris — But  my  security  ? 

Treasurer — Here  it  is.  Be  on  hand  after  the 
performance  and  take  the  stones  back.  I  don't 
want  to  be  out  of  the  use  of  my  money  too  long. 

Unule  Harris — Very  well.  Here  they  are. 
(Presents  casket  of  jewels). 

Count — In  ze  words  of  Puck,  "what  fools  zese 
mortals  be.''     [Exeunt  omnes]. 

I  crept  from  my  hiding  place  and  sneaked  out  of 
the  building.  Although  my  head  was  sadly  swelled, 
I  felt  that  my  night's  adventure  had  not  been  an 
unprofitable  one — I  had  discovered  the  secret  of 
the  milk  in  the  cocoanut. 

Simple  Simon. 

p.  #.—1  hope  that  no  one  will  confound  the 
banquet  described  above,  with  the  supper  given  on 
the  same  evening  at  the  Maison  Doree  by  a  popular 
and  charming  actress  to  a  select  party  of  friends. 
That  was  a  very  swell  affair.  S.  S. 

San  Fraticiseo,  March  21*t,  lfi83. 


THE  VIRTUES  OF  A  TIN  WHISTLE. 


He  never  travelled  without  his  piano.  Through 
all  the  vicissitudes  of  life  that  instrument  had  been 
his  solace.  It  had  discomfited  unmusical  landlords, 
had  sent  the  iron  into  the  souls  of  sunering  neigh- 
bora  and  had  easily  depopulated  the  best  parlors. 
The  other  day  he  met  bis  Waterloo  and  retired 
from  the  field  exhausted  and  unnerved  from  an 
unei[ual  contest.  It  happened  thus  :  Having 
lowered  the  rents  in  the  Western  Addition,  where 
he  resided,  and  made  a  once  desirable  street  a 
place  to  be  shunned  as  the  headquarters  of  a  merci- 
less upright  piano,  he  accepted  the  invitation  ol 
a  broken-hearted  widow  landlady  to  change  his 
residence.  The  next  day  he  had  paid  in  advance 
for  a  suite  of  rooms  in  another  neighborhood,  and 
after  a  few  hours  himself  and  his  beloved  piano 
were  installed.  At  half  past  six  o'clock  the  next 
morning  the  young  men  who  occupied  the  floor 
above  were  aroused  by  a  most  demoniacal  clatter. 
It  was  the  shrieks  and  groans  of  a  piano  in  mortal 
ag°ny*  a  piano  which  was  being  massacred  from 
bass  to  treble  and  threatened  every  moment  to 
crack  from  pedal  to  sounding  board.  The  torturer 
reveled  in  his  infernal  pleasure  for  over  two  hours, 
and  when  at  last  he  desisted  from  sheer  exhaustion, 
the  two  young  men  on  the  floor  above  were  almost 
reduced  to  incipient  insanity.  Weak  and  un- 
nerved, they  went  to  their  offices,  and  their 
inaccuracies  during  the  day  were  the  subject  of 
severe  comment  by  their  employers.  The  landlord 
was  a  juvenile  person,  who  before  he  had  attained 
to  affluence,  had  himself  victimized  many  a  hapless 
lodging-house  keeper  in  unpunctuality  of  rents, 
vocal  and  instrumental  performances  and  bedroom 
banquets  given  to  noisy  and  unscrupulous  bache- 
lors. He,  too  had  heard  this  initiatory  struggle 
with  the  piano,  and  seeing  that  it  must  be  a  case 
of  subjugation  or  evacuation,  he  laid  his  plans 
accordingly. 

"  A  good  tin  whistle,  shrill  in  tone  and  unreliable 
in  harmony,  "  he  soliloquized,  "  ought  to  overcome 
any  pianist  that  ever  hammered  ivory.  "  A  whis- 
tle was  bought,  a  whistle  as  intense  in  its  charac- 
ter as  a  boatswain's  pipe  whose  notes  would  turn  a 
cheerful  Hibernian  jig  into  a  doleful  funeral 
strain.  On  the  second  morning  the  piano  an- 
nounced the  commencement  of  its  persecution  by  a 
series  of  groans  from  its  bass  notes.  The  land- 
lord who  had  been  on  the  qui  vive,  slipped  on  his 
dressing  gown  and  slippers,  seized  his  tin  whistle, 
and  creeping  noislessly  down  stairs  seated  himself 
outside  the  operator's  door.  A  wild  shriek  from 
the  treble  was  followed  by  a  shrill  scream  from  the 
whistle.  The  pianist  paused  for  a  moment  and 
then  started  in  vigorously  to  play  Czemy's  scales. 
But  he  had  met  his  match.  "  Tenting  on  the  Old 
Camp  Ground,"  with  variations  on  the  whistle, 
gave  him  the  first  stagger,  and  when  he  attempted 
to  come  to  time  on  the  thumb  and  little  finger  ex- 
ercise, "The  Night  Before  Larry  Was  Stretched,  " 
in  a  high  key  from  the  whistle,  gave  him  the  first 
back  fall.  The  young  men  sat  on  he  stairs,  lis- 
tening to  the  contest  with  mingled  anxiety  and 
delight.  The  battle  was  long  and  doubtful.  The 
whistle  had  the  advantage,  but  the  piano  put  in 
bi<*  licks  and  once  rose  for  a  moment  superior  to 
the  whistle,  but  fell  immediately  afterwards  to 
"  High  for  Bobbing  Joan  "  from  the  latter  instru- 
ment ;  then  the  victory  was  assured,  and  "  Hail 
to  the  Chief  "  from  the  whistle  gave  the  coup  de 
grace  to  the  piano.  The  owner  i3  now  a  saddened 
man,  and  the  dust  lies  heavy  on  the  vanquished  piano. 


At  a  recent  card-party  at  the  house  of  a  popular 
London  dentist,  the  counters  used  were  false  teeth. 
At  first  the  ladies  present  seemed  very  sensitive 
about  touching  the  little  white  heaps,  but,  as  the 
evening  wore  on,  the  more  false  teeth  each  fair 
dame  'possessed,  the  happier  she  seemed.  When 
the  counters  were  totaled-up  at  the  end  of  the 
game,  there  were  only  three  more  than  had  been 
originally  given  out. 


Colonel  Edward  M.  Murphy,  a  gentleman  em- 
ployed on  the  Daily  Exchange  newspaper,  was  on 
St.  Patrick's  Day,  a  chief  of  staff  to  the  Grand 
Marshal.  About  the  horse  Colonel  Murphy  rode, 
there  is  a  peculiar  history.  The  day  before  this 
gallant  gentleman,  who  distinguished  himself  in  the 
late  war,  hired  his  steed  he  was  accosted  by  a  fellow 
countryman  engaged  in  the  congenial  task  of 
packing  bricks  to  the  top  of  a  building  on  Eddy 
street.  "  Be  the  piper  that  played  before  Moses, 
Misther  Murphy,  "  said  the  humble  hod-carrier, 
I  hev  the  discindent  of  a  horse,  me  grandfather 
rode  at  the  battle  of  Fontenoy.  "  It  is  hardly 
necessary  to  state  that  Colonel  Murphy  hired  the 
horse  at  once,  but  that  military  hero  never 
dreamed  that  his  charger  with  his  true  Fontenoy 
spirit,  would  have  wrecked  a  millineryshop  on  Fifth 
street,  on  which  there  was  no  plate  glass  insurance. 
The  Colonel  and  his  horse  went  clear  through  the 
the  window,  and  it  is  now  a  question  whether  or 
no  the  contingent  fund  shall  be  taxed  for  the 
damages. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


MARCH  24,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  540  AND  543  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 
E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

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We  are  sorry  to  observe  a  tendency  on  the  part 
of  the  Chinese  Government  to  enforce  laws  dis- 
criminating against  American  residents.  It  is 
even  affirmed  that  this  unenlightened  intolerance, 
making  no  account  of  the  fatherhood  of  God  and 
the  brotherhood  of  man,  has  gone  so  far  in  the 
direction  of  a  narrow  and  impolitic  exclusiveness 
that  it  is  seriously  proposed  to  forbid  by  treaty  the 
immigration  of  Americans  altogether,  except  under 
such  hard  conditions  and  restrictions  as  must 
greatly  impair  their  usefulness  to  the  commerce 
and  industries  of  the  Empire.  The  existence  of  a 
deplorable  popular  prejudice  against  Americans  in 
China  has  long  been  a  matter  of  great  concern  to 
our  statesmen,  and  many  communications  on  the 
subject  have  passed  between  Washington  and 
Peking.  The  Chinese  newspapers  have  generally 
reflected  this  unjust  sentiment  with  malevolent 
fidelity,  one  of  their  customary  acccusations  be- 
ing that  Americans  do  not  asssimilate  with 
the  ancient  people  among  whom  they  have  cast 
their  lot,  but  preserve  the  customs,  habits  of  life, 
social  traditions  and  language  of  their  own  people, 
seldom  renouncing  their  allegiance  to  the  United 
States  or  taking  an  intelligent  interest  in  the  po- 
litical affairs  of  the  Empire.  It  is  affirmed  that 
they  do  not  invest  their  earnings  in  China,  but 
send  most  of  their  money  out  of  the  country;  that 
they  import  nearly  all  they  wear  and  eat,  showing 
but  an  indifferent  appreciation  of  silk  attire  and 
rat  soup  ;  that  they  maintain  places  of  worship  of 
their  own,  apart  from  the  indigenous  Joss-house, 
performing  therein  the  sensless  and  horrible  rites 
of  Christianity,  regardless.  Such  representations 
appear  finally  to  have  had  their  effect  upon  the 
Imperial  Government,  and  unfriendly  legislation 
is  the  result.  We  trust  the  matter  will  be 
promptly  investigated  by  our  State  Department 
and  the  Chinese  Government  taught  that  it  can- 
not, in  obedience  to  a  reasonless  popular  clamor, 
deny  to  Americans  the  inalienable  right  to  go 
where  they  please,  live  bow  they  will  and  do  what 
they  like. 


The  Examiner  makes  out  a  pretty  good  case  for 
the  late  lamented  Democratic  Legislature,  which 
was  really  a  marked  improvement  on  its  immediate 
Republican  predecessors  ;  but  neither  the  Exam- 
iner's honest  partiality  nor  anybody's  interested  in- 
genuity can  acquit  the  Legislature  of  recreancy  in 
ol"  important  particular.  It  did  next  to  no  thin  »■ 
in  the  way  of  checking  the  greed  and  breaking  the 
dominant  of  the  Railroad.  The  Del  Valle  resolu- 
tion against  [he  consolidation  of  the  Southern 
roads  may  have  had  some  effect  in  defeating  that  | 


iniquitous  scheme  in  the  national  Congress,  but  not 
one  law  was  passed  giving  practical  effect  to  the 
brave  resolutions  of  the  platforms  of  both  parties 
against  the  railroad  monopoly.  On  the  contrary, 
the  Barry  bill,  which,  despite  some  faults,  would 
have  gone  far  in  that  direction,  failed  of  passage  in 
the  most  lamentable  manner.  Nothing  was  done 
either  to  strengthen  the  hands  of  the  Railroad 
Commission  or  confirm  the  powers  of  the  Board  of 
Equalization.  That  is  perhaps  as  well,  for  neither 
body  is  very  much  trusted  ;  but  some  vigorous  ac- 
tion should  have  been  taken  independently  of  these 
Boards  and  not  requiring  their  cooperation. 

If  the  Railroad  Commissioners  had  the  disposi- 
tion to  compel  the  production  of  the  missing  books 
of  the  Contract  and  Finance  Company  we  should 
wish  they  had  the  power  ;  if  they  had  the  power 
all  good  men  would  praytthat  they  might  be  en- 
dowed by  Heaven  witli  the  disposition.  Having 
neither  the  power  nor  the  disposition,  they  would 
confer  a  favor  by  dropping  the  tiresome  subject  of 
the  cost  per  mile  of  building  the  Central  Pacific 
Railroad  and  taking  up  the  matter  of  the  cost  per 
mile  of  traveling  and  shipping  freight  on  it.  That, 
as  we  understand  the  business,  is  what  they  were 
elected,  and  are  expected,  to  do.  By  the  rascally 
device  of  a  Contract  and  Finance  Company  con- 
sisting of  "their  sole  selves,"  the  owners  of  the 
road  were  able  to  make  it  appear  that  the  cost  of 
construction  was  whatever  they  wanted  it  to 
be  ;  but  by  the  honest  plan  of  a  Railroad  Commis- 
sion the  people  have  the  power  to  ignore  their  fig- 
ures as  a  factor  in  the  fare  and  freight  problem. 
We  can  get  on  very  well  without  knowing  what  it 
cost  to  build  the  railroads  of  California,  but  we 
cannot  get  on  so  well  without  knowing  what  it  is 
going  to  cost  the  people  of  California  to  secure  any 
advantage  from  their  use.  In  short,  it  is  time  for 
the  Commissioners  to  stop  this  dreary  nonsense  of 
questioning  liars  and  begin  to  regulate  rascals. 


Valley  stock  fancies  he  has  lost  six  cents  because 
his  share,  which  was  quoted  yesterday  at  eighty- 
seven,  is  quoted  to-day  at  eighty-one,  and  if  he  can 
prove  that  the  fall  is  due  to  some  action  of  the 
Supervisors,  he  ought  to  have  that  six  cents  re- 
stored to  him  in  some  such  substantial  form  as  it 
had  when  it  was  taken  away.  The  Supervisors 
might  issue  him  a  certificate  stating  that  he  is  en- 
titled to  six  cents.  But  as  nobody  got  his  six 
cents,  he  should  not  actually  get  the  six  cents  of 
anybody  else ;  the  certificate  should  be  merely  a 
confirmation  of  his  abstract  right  in  general  terms 
— an  order  on  Providence.  There  is  precedent  for 
this  kind  of  "justice  between  man  and  man"  ;  an 
old  Anglo-Saxon  statute  permitted  a  clown  who 
had  been  insulted  by  a  gentleman  to  cuff  his 
reviler's  shadow  projected  on  a  wall. 


The  newspapers  controlled  by  corporations — 
such,  for  example,  as  the  Bulletin  and  Call  (Rail- 
road) the  Chronicle  (Spring  Valley)  the  Post  (both) 
and  the  Argonaut  (all) — talk  with  tiresome  itera- 
tion about  the  iniquity  of  "confiscating"  and  "de- 
stroying" values  whenever  any  official  action  of  the 
authorities  tends  to  depress  the  price  of  the  shares. 
It  is  true  the  Bulletin  does  not  regard  the  matter 
in  that  way  when  the  Supervisors  make  a  tumble 
in  water  stock,  nor  the  Chronicle  when  the  Rail- 
road Commission  causes  a  decline  in  the  securities 
held  by  Messrs.  Stanford  and  Crocker,  but  each 
journal  has  a  lively  sense  of  "destroyed  values" 
when  there  is  a  break  in  the  price  of  its  own  par- 
ticular pets  and  it  can  trace  the  disaster  to  official 
"intermeddling.  "  It  is  bald  nonsense.  Deny 
the  right  of  the  legal  authorities  to  take  any  action 
that  may  affect  the  transfer  value  of  a  corporation's 
stock  and  you  deny  their  right  to  take  any  action 
whatever;  even  the  courts  could  not  justly  de- 
cide a  question  affecting  a  corporation,  lest  the  de- 
cision influence  the  selling  price  of  the  stock  in  the 
hands  of  some  one  who  wants  to  gamble  in  it.  It 
is  obvious  that  if  in  fixing  water  rates  (for  exam- 
ple) the  Supervisors  manage  to  tumble  off  a  mil- 
lion or  so  from  the  quoted  valne  of  the  shares, 
there  has  been  no  "  destruction  of  property  "  what- 
ever. The  property  is  all  there  that  was  there  be- 
fore. A  holder  may  or  may  not  receive  his  cus- 
tomary dividend.  If  not,  he  of  course  suffers  a  loss 
to  the  amount  of  his  dividends'  reduction.  But 
the  mere  shrinkage  in  the  quoted  value  of  bis 
shares  is  no  loss  at  all  to  him  or  anybody. 


Another  young  man  gone  wrong.  Another. 
Two  more.  Some  old  men  gone  wrong.  Breth- 
ren, let  us  steal.  Let  us  all  steal— fervently. 
Bah  !  the  thing  begins  to  pall.  The  townjs  over- 
stolen.  But  the  Bulletin  is  sunny  about  it.  In 
the  ever  occurring  and  recurring  theft,  in  the 
customary  defalcation  and  the  usual  embezzlement, 
our  cheerful  contemporary  sees  nothing  but  evi- 
dence of  a  high  moral  sense  in  the  community.  If 
stealing  were  not  exceptional  we  should  not  notice 
it ;  if  we  were  not  honest  it  would  not  shock  us, 
quoth'a.  Stealing  is  not  exceptional,  nor  is  detec- 
tion. Exposure  is  exceptional,  prosecution  rare, 
conviction  a  miracle.  For  one  Gray  that  absconds 
a  dozen  condone.  For  one  Prjndle  exposed  a 
score  are  spared  that  inconvenience.  For  one  Mor- 
gan there  are  a  hundred  Duncans,  Tibbeys,  Brod- 
heads.  The  writer  of  this  nrticle  seldom  goes  into 
the  street  without  meeting  a  known  thief  with 
whom  he  has  had  personal  acquaintance— an  easy- 
going, tranquil  and  respected  thief  in  a  white  shirt;. 
"  Shocked,"  indeed  !  Nobody  is  shocked,  good 
Bulletin.  So  rapidly  and  repeatedly  do  the  im- 
pacts of  theft  fall  upon  the  public  sensibility  that 
one  is  not  distinguishable  from  another,  and  no 
shock  results  ;  it  is  one  long,  smooth,  unbroken 
impression,  the  effect  of  which  is  altogether  agree- 
able, like  the  nurse's  continuous  manipulation  of 
Corporal  Trim.  The  bald  and  frosty  truth  of  the 
matter  is  that  this  community  is  the  happy  habitat 
of  official,  commercial  and  social  rascality.  In  San 
Francisco  there  are  more  thieves  to  the  acre  than 
there  are  acres.  And  we  forgive  them — partly  be- 
cause they  have  wived  and  begotten  small  thieves  ; 
partly  because  we  have  not  enough  thieving  courts 
to  try  them  ;  partly  because  we  love  them  ;  but 
chiefly  because  we  are  too  busy  stealing  to  arrest 
and  prosecute.  These  be  the  facts  in  the  case. 
Perpend  them  well,  fellows  ;  they  are  encourage- 
ment to  steal. 


It  is  a  maxim  of  the  law  (  and  altogether  false  ) 
that  there  is  no  wrong  without  its  method  of  re- 
dress.    Now  if  a  man  holding   a   share  of   Spring 


In  quietly  giving  up  their  seats  without  a  contest 
the  Harbor  Commissioners  were  confessedly  moved 
by  considerations  of  prudence  rather  than  of  right. 
The  embezzlements  of  their  secretary  have  thrown 
a  good  deal  of  odium  upon  them;  which,  we  are 
pleased  to  observe,  they  are  bearing  with  true 
Christian  fortitude — a  fortitude  superior  even  to 
that  of  the  Secretary  himself.  In  the  face  of  this 
adverse  public  sentiment  they  did  not  care  to  en- 
gage in  a  struggle  for  future  liabilities  and  restitu- 
tions. We  hope  Controller  Dunn  is  right  as  to 
their  being  legally  held  for  what  the  State  has  lost 
through  their  criminal  carelessness,  and  that  there 
will  be  honesty  and  energy  enough  in  the  Attor- 
ney-General's office  to  enforce  the  claim.  It  must 
re  admitted,  however,  that  the  successful  prosecu- 
tion ot  a  suit  to  recover  under  such  circumstances 
would  mark  so  distinct  an  era  in  our  official  history 
that  time  would  probably  thereafter  be  reckoned 
from  it  and  the  birth  of  Christ  forgotten. 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


Colonel  daeksou  must  be  constitutionally  "*long 
on  mining  stocks.  According  ti»  his  newspaper, 
there  has  been  every  day  for  several  years  "a 
slightly  better  feeling  in  the  market,'  "a  smart 
rally,  '  "  a  spirited  rise,"  " a  small  but  significant 
advance"  or  ";m  infusion  of  new  blood."  The 
inference  is  that  atocks  selling  for  good  prices 
torn  or  five  years  ago  are  clean  out  of  reach  now, 
but  somehow  the  ('dinners  figures  relate  anothei 
narrative,  as  it  were.  It  would  he  a  bitter  world 
for  the  good  Colonel  if  Hope  should  cease  to  wave 
hei  joyous  wing  and  cackle  cheery  nothings  in  his 
ear. 


In  the  long,  luxurious  bog-trot  of  Saturday  last 
was  borne  "  a  banner  with  a  strange  device  " — the 
stars  and  stripes  with  a  given  harp  stitched  upon 
one  corner.  Another  most  appropriate  addition 
would  have  been  this  :  on  a  Held  vert,  a  pig  gules 
rounded-up  by  an  Irishman  drunk  with  a  potato 
improper  ;  motto,  "  Emigration  or  death — hurroo 
for  ottice  ! " 


.1  propos  of  St.  Patrick's  day,  by  the  way,  the 
Bxaminerof  Sunday  last  was  graciously  pleased  to 
remark  : 

The  Irish  are  lampooned  in  Pixley's  turgid  rhetoric  in 
the  Argonaut  and  in  some  one's  coarse  cartoons  in  the 
Wasp.  It  is  a  cheap  and  offensive  sort  of  smartness 
which  respectable  papers  should  not  indulge  in. 

Esteemed  contemporary,  you  have  struck  a 
streak  of  hard  luck.  *  >n  Saturday  last,  foi  the  first 
time  in  four  years,  Mr.  Pixley's  turgid  rhetoric 
*4 rolled  its  large  tribute  of  dead  dogs"  with  never 
an  Irish  setter  among  them — he  didn't  mention  the 
"certain  nationality  "  at  all  !  In  the  cheap  and 
offensive  sort,  of  smartness  this  respectable  paper 
stood  all  alone.  It  is,  I  believe,  the  only  instance 
in  which  Pixley  has  been  unjustly  accused  of  hav- 
ing dune  something  to  lacerate  the  Irish  heart. 


The  British  business  man  is  a  terrible  nail-driver 
of  a  fellow,  according  to  the  London  Lancet,  and 
thai  journal  is  in  desperate  fear  that  he  will  do 
himself  an  injury  : 

'I'll.'  period  is  one  of  brain  wearing  impetuosity,  of  hur- 
ry, worry  and  waste— the  waste  of  cerebral  energy  and 
nerve  force. 

Aw,  yaas,  it's  beastly  wearing  on  a  fellow,  now, 
don't  you  know,  t<>  get  up  of  a  morning,  take  a  tub- 
bing and  a  constitutional  and  then  go  the  City  and 

er     er— yaiis,  it  bweaks  him  down. 


As  the  public  appears  to  be  avidly  enamored  of 
pugilism  just  now,  I  venture  to  ijuote  the  following 
from  the  London  Time*  of  January  1,  1788  : 

During  the  late  memorable  contest  between  Johnson 
and  Ryan,  in  the  last  set  to  Ryan  trod  upon  Johnson's 
great  t«ie,  and  by  the  violence  of  the  struggle  lacerated 
the  Dail  wholly  from  it.  When  they  were  disengaged 
Johnson  was  so  much  irritated,  that  making  a  blow  at 
Ryan,  whom  lie  missed,  he  struck  one  of  the  uprights  of 
tln_  Btage,  which  shook  in  an  incredible  manner.  The 
next  blow  that  Johnson  made  was  aimed  at  the  chest,  in 
which  he  succeeded,  and  this  terminated  the  contest. 
Johnson  then  asked  Ryan  if  he  had  had  enough  ;  to  which 
he  replied,  "  I've  had  enough  these  six  minutes,  but  to 
oblige  my  friends  I  have  stood  up."  Johnson's  hand  was 
much  bruised  and  black  for  some  time  after  by  the  blow 
against  the  upright,  and  we  hear  he  has  not  yet  recovered 
of  the  hurt  which  his  toe  received  in  the  encounter. 


As  it  seems  to  be  the  darling  ambition  of  the  pu- 
gilist to  get  the  battered  and  bloody  portions  of  his 
carcass  into  the  newspapers,  Mr.  Johnson's  pains 
would  doubtless  have  been  greatly  assuaged  if  he 
could  have  known  that  away  out  here  on  the  shores 
of  the  Pacific,  nearly  a  hundred  years  after  the 
event,   his  wounded  toe  would  be  reverently  laid 


before  admiring  eyes  in  the  columns  of  this  excel- 
lent family  journal.  1  hope  the  circumstam 
encourage  our  local  gladiators  to  Hay  the  fair  pha 
lanx  and  strip  the  merry  metatarsus  for  the  edifi- 
cation of  posterity,  until  the  feet  of  them  resemble 
a  shoreless  sea  of  struck  whales  belching  clabbered 
blood. 

It  is  remarkable  by  how  short  a  stride  civdt/.a 
tion  is  separated  from  barbarism.  By  all  these 
centuries  of  "  culture  "  the  devil  lias  not  been 
chased  out  of  the  human  hog.  He  is  in  unassail- 
able possession  and  shows  no  disposition  to  run 
down  a  steep  place  into  any  sea.  He  is  a  dainty- 
footed  devil  and  will  not  wet  hiB  feet.  In  proof  of 
his  prevalence,  rircumspice  !  Observe  this  pugil- 
ism "boom."  The  wires  are  loaded  with  the  dirty 
doings  of  stalwart  brutes  who  live  by  pounding  one 
another's  noses  and  die  shot  in  bar-rooms.  The 
news  of  their  movements  is  blazed  and  thundered 
through  the  seas  and  across  the  continents.  The 
press — the  high  old  elevating  Press — is  full  of  it 
all,  a-elevating  of  us.  Ladies  like  it  and  children 
cry  for  it. 


We  must  have  it  betimes  as  we  chip  our  break- 
fast egg,  and  have  it  in  our  coffee.  Brute  Sulli- 
van strides  lordly  through  our  conversation,  brand- 
ishing his  abundant  fist.  Brute  Mace  displays  his 
thews  in  our  dreams.  The  flexors  and  extensors  of 
the  Maori's  red  right  arm  prevade  our  souls,  in 
rivalry  to  our  hope  of  heaven.  The  battered 
brows  and  unbuilded  noses,  the  sharply  sloping 
foreheads  and  the  decimated  teeth  of  brawny  black- 
guards infest  the  mind's  eye  of  this  nineteenth- 
century  civilization  like  a  world's  industrial  exhi- 
bition of  offal.  And  we  are  Christians.  We  are 
gentlemen.  We  are  ladies.  We  are  enlightened 
human  beings,  made  in  the  image  of  our  Maker 
and  but  little  lower  than  the  angels.  Kind  friends, 
sweet  friends,  be  so  uncommonly  good  as  to  dry  up. 


THE     LITTLE     ITEM. 


"Sir,  got  a  little  item  for  you.  He-he-he-ho- 
ho — hi-yuck  !  " — and  the  fat  little  man  sank  into  a 
seat  near  the  editor's  desk  completely  convulsed. 

"The  funniest  thing  I  ever  heard.  He-he-he- 
ho-ho — hi-yuck  !  You  see  there's  a  barber  shop 
on  Kearny  street,  where  men  several  other  mem- 
bers of  the  Board  of  Trade  go  to  get  shaved.  The 
barber  is  the  cleverest  fellow  in  town  almost,  but 
his  razors  are  nearly  always  out  of  order.  Yester- 
day I  fixed  up  a  job  on  him,  an'  it  ought  to  go  in 
the  Wasp,  It's  just  too  funny.  He-he-he-ha-ha 
ho-ho-ho — hi-yuck — hi-yuck — bi-yoo-o  !  Along  in 
the  forenoon,  you  know,  I  got  my  hired  man  to 
play  dead  for  me.  I  got  him  all  laid  out  in  the 
parlor  on  a  board  with  a  chair  under  each  end.  He 
was  all  wrapped  up  in  a  sheet,  the  window  curtains 
were  pulled  down  and  his  face  was  powdered  to 
make  him  look  pale.  Then  I  sent  for  the  barber  to 
come  up  and  shave  a  corpse.  He-hi-he-ha-ha-ha- 
ho-ho-ho— hiyuck — kiyuck — ki-yo-o-o  ! 

"  Well,  pretty  soon  the  barber  appeared,  with 
his  tools,  wrapped  in  a  paper,  ready  for  business. 
I  looked  as  melancholy  as  I  could  and  my  wife 
helped  me  out  a  little  by  sniveling  around  as 
though  she  had  lost  a  canary  bird.  The  hired 
man  shut  his  jaws  tight  together,  so  as  to  make 
the  flesh  rigid,  and  the  barber  went  to  work. 
Almost  the  second  stroke  of  the  razor  the  dead 
man's  eyes  opened.  The  barber  stepped  back, 
kind  of  startled-like,  and  then  the  corpse  sat  up. 
'  'Pears  to  me,  stranger,  '  it  said  in  a  voice  like  the 
ghost  of  Hamlet's  father,  "Peare  to  me  that  your 
razor  is  rather  dull.  Suppose  you  hone  it  up 
and  try  again.  ' 

"  Well,  sir,  you  ought  to  have  seen  that  barber. 
There  he  stood,  pale  as  a  sheet,  his  eyes  stickin1 
out,  his  teeth  chatterin'  and  his  knees  knockin'  to- 
gether. Lord  !  how  I  did  want  to  laugh.  For 
about  a  minute  he  was  rooted  to  the  spot ;  then, 
grabbing  his  tools,  he  leaped  out  of  the  door  and 
bolted  down  the  street  yelling  like  a  maniac.  He- 
he  -he-I-he-he-he-I  guess  he-he-he  that  he'll  keep 
Iiis  razors  in  better  order  after— he-he-he-ho-ho- 


ho    ha    ha    ha    hi  yuek  '  hi    yuek  '  hi    yo  o  0    he    he 

he   ho   ho   ho   ha    ha   ha   hick   hick  !  " 

And  the  bttlc  man  fell  out  of  his  chair,  rolled  on 
the  Boor  and  finally  tumbled  down  the  stairs  into 
the  street. 


C0NKL1NCS,     UHLERS    AND     HAVERST1CKS. 


The  Local  daily  newspapers  have  for  some  days 
been  full  of  the  details  of  a  New  York  "  tragedy  " 
interest  here  is  based  on  a  former  residence 
hereof  all  the  tragedians.  There  is  little  that  is 
unusual  in  the  circumstances  attending  the  produc- 
tion of  the  play— a  marriage  of  tho  inevitably 
"unfortunate"  character;  a  treacherous  male 
friend  of  the  husband,  nowise  different  from  the 
ordinary  male  friend;  a  faithless  wife  of  the  cus- 
tomary pattern  ;  the  time  honored  sort  of  separa- 
tion ;  the  wife's  subsequent  adoption  of  "a  life  of 
shame  " — which  she  seemed  rather  to  like  ;  a  pistol, 
and  a  prostrate  paramour  spreading  his  tingei-sand 
shivering  his  soul  out  in  true  Homeric  manner 
through  a  hole  in  his  belly.  So  far  as  we  can  see, 
the  incident  has  nothing  of  novelty  to  mitigate  its 
incurable  dullness  except  the  intrusion  of  a  brother 
to  the  wife,  to  do  the  shooting.  Commonly  this  is 
done  by  the  injured  husband,  tho  betrayer  or  the 
woman  herself— when  it  is  about  an  even  chance 
which  of  the  two  gentlemen  will  be  shot.  We  can- 
not commend  the  new  feature— the  intrusive  bro- 
ther armed  for  the  rescue  of  his  sister  from  a  life 
worse  than  living  death,"  as  one  of  our  local 
writers,  with  imperfect  experience,  is  pleased  to 
describe  it.  In  affairs  of  the  heart,  the  brother  is 
always  a  prosaic  and  unpicturesi|ue  person.  His 
relations  to  the  other  persons  of  the  drama  are  not 
touched  with  sentiment  nor  glorified  by  passion. 
Even  when  reddianded  he  cannot  permanently 
captivate  the  imagination.  He  is  ridiculous.  It 
is  to  be  hoped  that  in  future  tragedies  the  usual 
denouement  will  be  achieved  without  his  assistance 
by  the  three  traditional  leading  characters — the 
stupid  husband,  the  interesting  wife  and  the 
necessary  male  friend. 

NEWS     0'     THE    WEEK. 


Looks  blue  for  Gray;  an  off  color. Press  ex- 
cursions; hotelkeepers alarms. Perforated  police- 
man.  Irish  oration. Lompoc  on  a  bust. 

Fog  turns  off  the  moon. Strother.     Bother  ! 

McGravy  surrounds  a  prisoner. Kailroad  books 

ott' the  hooks;  Crocker's  crooks  ;  that's  how  it  looks. 

Petaluma   wants  a   county   seat.     Too  much 

seat  now. Academy  of  Sciences.  Behr  apolo- 
gizes for  a  mastodon  in  the  wrong  place.  Masto- 
don's  turn  next   meeting. Leppard    garroted  ; 

can't  change  a  five  spot  now. Goats  threaten  to 

devour  the  suburbs.     Poison  'em  with  a  chopped 

Supervisor. Palm    Sunday;     Barrows    as    the 

donkey. Oakland  local  train  trifles  with  a  boy. 

Angel    now. Innocent  Watts;  a  mated    clown. 

Boruck  proclaims  himself  a  journalist.  Boruck, 
Boruck,  tender  and  true;  who  loves  to  lie  with 

y0U? Whales  off  Point   Reyes;  vory  like. 

Two  Captains  and  a  General  resign  Commissioner- 
ships;  old    ring   out,     new    ring    in. Assorted 

crimes;     Holy    Week. Numerous    educational 

journalists.     Who'll  teach  the  teachers  ? Chosen 

Friends  fall  out;  brothers  in  law. 


Mr.  Loring  Pickering  has  returned  home 
after  a  prolonged  stay  in  Canada.  We  under- 
stand that  it  is  Mr.  Pickeiing^s  intention  to 
interrogate  Mr.  Bartlett,  of  the  Bulletin, 
with  the  utmost  particularity  to  discover  why 
it  is  that  Mr.  Bartlett  and  the  editor  of  the 
New  York  Times  think  so  much  alike.  He  has 
examined  the  arm  of  the  Times  man,  and  hits  there 
discovered  a  birth  mark,  which  he  anticipates  will 
be  duplicated  on  Mr.  Bartlett.  This  will  account 
for  the  fact  that  when  an  editorial  on  a  general 
subject  appears  in  the  Times,  it  is  reproduced  in 
the  Bulletin  in  Mi*.  Bartlett's  MS. 


Quite  a  number  of  the  sons  of  our  wealthy  Irish 
fellow  citizens  made  a  brilliant  display  on  St. 
Patrick's  Day.  They  helped  to  stop  travel,  make 
the  streets  uncomfortable,  and  flaunt  their  nation- 
ality in  the  noses  of  those  who  do  not  believe  that 
because  a  man  is  of  Irish  birth  he  is  entitled  to 
make  a  circus  of  the  city.  There  were  some  decent 
Irishmen  who  remained  at  home,  and  who  believed 
that  the  country  which  skives  them  shelter  and 
occupation  should  not  be  insulted  by  thosH  farcical 
parades. 


THE    WASP 


HOW    I     BECAME     CHIEF     OF    THE     SCALPLOCKS. 


By    Joaquin    Miller. 

Early  in  the  Fall  of  1855  I  found  myself  camp- 
ing out  in  an  old  abandoned  oil-can  on  the  Oak- 
land mudflats.  It  was  a  wild,  solitary,  romantic 
spot,  just  such  as  I  wanted  ;  for  after  months  of  in- 
cessant adventure  I  longed  for  rest — such  rest  as 
can  only  be  found  far  from  the  haunts  of  civilized 
man.  I  was  only  about  twelve  years  old  at  the 
time,  but  even  at  that  early  age  my  fierce  and 
haughty  spirit  scorned  all  the  artificial  trammels  of 
civilization  and  yearned  for  the  ineffable  unutter- 
ableness  of  a  solemn  ground-and-lofty  communion 
with  Nature  in  all  her  most  savage  moods  and  be- 
nign aspects.     Yolp  ! 

Those  were  queer  days  that  I  spent  in  the  queer 
old  rusty,  battered  oil-can  on  the  Oakland  mud- 
flats. I  had  my  library  with  me— I  always  have, 
no  matter  where  I  am— and  enough  stationary  to 
stock  a  State  Capitol.  So  I  read  and  wrote  and 
dreamed  away  the  days  and  nights,  with  the  sky 
above  me  and  the  mud  beneath.  But  my  rest  was 
not  taken  without  danger  ;  for  at  night  the  roaring 
of  the  clams  would  have  struck  terror  to  a  heart 
less  steeled  than  mine  against  the  perils  of  the 
wilderness.  While  in  the  daytime  the  mighty 
bellowing  of  the  gophers  on  the  distant  hills  made 
awful  music  for  a  lonely  lad.     Yah  ! 

I  had  led  this  idyllic  existence  in  the  oil-can  for 
perhaps  six  weeks  when  I  heard  ( I  forget  exactly 
how  )  that  old  Bloody  Nose,  chief  of  the  powerful 
tribe  of  Scalplock  Indians  over  at  Saucelito,  was 
dead  and  that  the  tribe  was  about  to  elect  his  suc- 
cessor. Like  a  flash  a  mighty  inspiration  swelled 
my  bosom  and  sent  the  hot  blood  rushing  to  my 
temples.  "I will  be  that  chief  !  "  I  cried  in  tones 
of  thunder  that  shook  the  oil-can  to  its  very  foun- 
dations and  scared  the  crabs  for  miles  around.  I 
am  a  man  of  iron  will.  I  say  it  modestly,  but 
with  me  to  resolve  is  to  act,  and  as  for  fear,  why, 
except  perhaps  when  m  the  presenee  of  danger,  I 
have  never  felt  it.  In  less  time  than  it  takes  to 
tell  it  I  was  in  the  saddle  fully  equipped  for  the 
perilous  journey. 

The  courser  which  I  now  bestrode  I  had  bought 
some  weeks  before  from  an  old  junk-man  for  two 
flat-irons  which  I  had  found  in  the  back  kitchen  of 
a  house  in  Alameda.  The  junk-man  was  willing 
to  let  the  noble  animal  go  cheap  because  a  band  of 
vindictive  desperadoes  styling  themselves  the  So- 
ciety for  the  Prevention  of  Cruelty  to  Animals  had 
already  condemned  the  poor  creature  to  death. 
Ah  !  beautiful  "  Breath  of  the  Desert" — or  "  Cat- 
alepsy, "  as  the  former  master  called  thee — thou 
ruayest  have  had  thy  faults  !  Thou  wert,  I  admit 
it,  ringboned  and  spavined  and  windgalled  and 
knee-sprung  and  foundered  and  humpbacked  and 
goose-rumped  and  rat-tailed,  Roman-nosed,  ham- 
mer-headed, wall-eyed  and  had'st  no  two^legs  of 
the  same  make  or  size  ;  thou  wert  deaf,  blind  and 
toothless,  and  a  martyr  to  the  botts,  the  heaves,  the 
worms  and  the  mange.  But  what  heed  paid  I  to 
these  trifling  blemishes  during  those  fair  oil-can 
days,  when,  firmly  seated  on  the  raw  spot  of  thine 
arching  back,  I  whirled  the  hissing  lasso  after  the 
swiftly  fleeing  clam  or  dashed  forward  in  mad  pur- 
suit of  the  heaven-defying  crab  !     Ker-tchulp  ! 

The  Breath  of  the  Desert  was  simply  caparisoned 
with  a  hayrope  bridle  and  a  gunnysack  saddle.  I 
myself  was  attired  in  a  rich,  wild  fashion.  My 
sombrero  was  of  the  "  pull-down  "  variety — in 
short  the  counterpart  of  the  hats  worn  by  nine  out 
of  ten  newsboys  nowadays.  My  trousers,  which 
reached  nearly  to  my  ankles,  were  open  at  the 
knees  and  rear,  while  over  my  flannel  shirt  drooped 
in  graceful  folds  a  crimson  table  cloth  in  which  I 
had  brought  away  the  flat-irons  before  mentioned. 
I  was  heavily  armed  with  a  dinner-knife  and  a 
Fourth  of  July  pistol  of  the  most  approved  pattern, 
and  my  commissary  consisted  of  the  hope  of  a 
potato-patch  or  an  open  kitchen-door. 

I  had  decided  to  go  to  Saucelito  by  land  for  two 
reasons.  In  the  tirst  place  I  hadn't  a  ferry-ticket, 
and  in  the  second  my  proud  aboriginal  spirit 
scorned  the  invention  of  steam-power.  I  will  omit 
all  details  of  that  long  and  eventful  journey.  I 
found  plenty  of  melon-patches  on  the  road,  but  I 
also  found  plenty  of  farmers,  and  so  inhospitable 
were  many  of  these  churls  that  really  after  a  time 
I  began  to  find  it  quite  painful  to  sit  down.  At 
length,  after  six  months  of  pushing  the  Breath  of 
the  Desert  up  hill  and  watching  him  roll  down  the 
other  side,  I  entered  the  country  of  the  terrible 
Scalplocks.  The  tribe — about  twelve  in  number, 
counting  the  squaws  and  a  cockeyed  papooose — 


was  encamped  in  an  old  army-tent  where  the  S.  F. 
Yacht  Club  House  now  stands.  To  enter  that  tent 
on  a  warm  day  was  to  be  at  once  impressed  with 
the  fact  that  the  tribe  was  still  a  very  strong  one 
in  spite  of  its  diminished  numbers.  The  hunting 
grounds  of  the  Scalplocks  lay  in  the  hen-roosts  and 
swill-barrels  of  the  neighboring  settlers.  As  I 
approached  the  tent  a  warrior  on  guard  gave  a 
warning  signal  and  in  an  instant  I  was  surrounded 
by  the  entire  tribe.  Two  instants  later  I  was 
scratching  myself  with  the  rest  of  them.  It  was  as 
I  had  expected.  They  had  heard  of  my  coming 
and  at  once  hailed  me  as  their  chief.  The  hoary- 
headed  warrior,  Chicken  Snatcher,  was  their  spokes- 
man. "  Welcome,  thrice  welcome,  great  Clam  Grub- 
bing Shannigan  of  the  Morning  Mist "  (  for  so  they 
styled  me  in  those  parts )  said  he.  Then  turning 
to  an  ancient  squaw  he  added  :  "  Snaggletooth, 
bring  forth  the  lovely  Princess  Rumblossom, 
daughter  of  our  late  chief,  and  hand  her  over  as  the 
blushing  bride  of  C.  G.  S.  of  the  M.  M.  " 

It  was  done.  I  had  conquered.  I  was  boss  of 
the  Scalplocks.  But  alas  for  the  vanity  of  human 
greatness  !  That  same  day  the  tribe  was  cast  into 
the  Saucelito  calaboose  as  vagrants,  and  being  once 
more  thrown  upon  my  own  resources,  in  very 
weariness  of  spirit  I  took  to  peeling  potatoes  for  the 
nearest  hash-house. 


BEFORE   THE   DAWN, 


The  last  page  of  copy  has  reached  the  printer's 
hands,  the  last  proof  has  been  looked  over,  the  last 
direction  given,  and  the  busy  brain  that  all  the  day 
long  planned  and  plotted  and  conceived  is  free  to 
follow  its  own  musings. 

The  cathedral  clock  tolled  the  hour  of  two,  and 
while  the  crash  of  the  steam  presses,  printing  the 
tirst  side  of  the  morning  paper,  make  a  discord  in 
the  otherwise  silent  street,  the  newspaper  writer 
walks  wearily  homeward.  It  is  the  hour  of  perfect 
stillness,  this  early  morning — this  brief  space  be- 
tween the  dark  and  the  dawn.  A  curious  silence, 
a  breathing  space  of  awe,  a  mantle  of  wonderful 
calm,  envelopes  the  city— the  silent,  sleeping  city — 
the  City  of  Dreamland  now.  All  its  fever  is  hushed, 
all  its  gold  thirst  slaked,  all  its  strong  cravings 
allayed  by  the  tender  mother,  Sleep,  and  thy  mer- 
chant and  the  vagrant  are  equal  now  ;  for  Dream- 
land knows  no  distinctions.  And  we,  enjoying 
this  half  hour's  oasis  of  romancing,  after  a  desert  of 
facts,  rear  an  imaginary  castle  more  imposing  than 
Selby's  shot-tower,  more  oriental  than  the  spires 
of  the  synagogue.  Our  wishing  cap  is  on,  and,  lo  ! 
we  are  an  impalpable  sprite,  our  wishes  wings,  our 
mission  the  hearts  in  this  sleeeping  city.  Softly  ! 
we  are  on  the  threshold  of  a  great  heart,  and  its 
heat  and  strong  pulsations  for  the  love  of  friends 
mar  the  contour  of  our  fairy  pinions.  How  swiftly 
the  blood  courses  through  the  life  channels  ;  how 
broad  and  full  and  vigorous,  it  throbs.  No  un- 
healthy passion  here.  And  yet  this  home  is  a 
meager  one  ;  this  furniture  is  very  poor,  and  the 
woman's  face  beside  this  heart  has  more  furrows 
than  should  ever  fall  to  the  lot  of  woman.  An  old 
story — a  toiling,  patient  but  largely -loving  wife. ' 

The  scene  changes.  This  is  a  grand  mansion — 
pictures,  statuary,  costly  ornaments — and  this  is  a 
royal  bed  chamber  too.  A  rich  and  fortunate  man  ; 
but  how  feebly  beats  the  heart  devoid  of  impulse, 
and  so  surrounded  with  this  icy  barrier  of  selfish- 
ness that  it  defies  our  scrutiny.  Bah  !  These 
pictures  lose  their  tints  ;  those  marble  women  who 
stand  beneath  the  perpetual  plash  of  the  fountain 
outside  are  not  colder  than  this  atmosphere. 

Here  is  a  woman's  heart.  What  shall  we  find 
here  ?  The  divine,  maternal  love  ;  the  ivies  of 
home  affection  twined  around  it ;  the  image  of  the 
one  devotion  stamped  upon  it  ?  Alas !  none  of 
these, 

The  ball-room,  the  nights  of  fashionable  dissipa- 
tion, the  voice  scoffing  and  scandal,  have  destroyed 
the  seeds  of  God's  own  planting.  Pass  we  scorn- 
fully from  this  jewelless  casket,  fashioned  so  beau- 
tifully— so  wrongfully  abused. 

Here  is  another  picture.  A  girl's  heart,  swell- 
ing with  its  unborn  affections,  fresh  and — 

"You  can't  stay  leaning  against  this  door  at 
this  hour  of  the  morning,  young  man.  If  you 
have  any  business  with  the'people  of  the  place, 
ring  the  bell.  This  racket  won't  do,  and  unless 
you  can  give  a  good  account  of  yourself,  you'll 
travel  to  the  station-house.  "  May  the  minion  of 
the  law  who  so  rudely  adjourned  our  ante-mortem 
heart-inquest  be  condemned  to  patrol  the  unsavory 
pavement  of  Spofford  alley  for  the  rest  of  his  awful 


TALK     ABOUT    THEATERS, 


It  is  human  nature  to  admire  cleverness  in  preference 
to  goodness  or  beauty.  Human  nature  therefore,  finds 
much  to  admire  at  the  Bush-Street  Theater.  There, 
homeliness  is  not  a  sin  ;  it  is  rather  an  accomplishment. 
It  is  quite  interesting  because  of  the  remarkable  defter- 
ence  of  individual  types.  Lou  Harrison's  homeliness  is 
simply  the  gem  of  that  collection.  If  it  were  not  rude  to 
mention  the  ladies  in  this  connection  (or  collection)  it 
were  a  temptation  to  speak  of  their  "pouting  rosebud" 
feet,  and  mouths  which  could  be  easily  cased  in  Cinder- 
ella's slippers.  Of  their  beauty  in  general,  it  is  quite 
enough  to  remark,  that  the  only  real  attempt  at  photog- 
raphy, during  the  play,  actually  bursts  the  camera.  Two 
out  of  a  possible  three,  display  a  labial  and  pedal  devel- 
opment which  for  generous  proportions,  is  surpassed  only 
by  the  auricular  enormity  of  the  third.  There  is  nothing 
timorous  about  that  burlesque  troupe  ;  there  is  a  bold, 
tonic  quality  in  their  performance  which  rouses  the  torpid 
and  stirs  the  indifferent.  Those  who  fear  to  crack  the 
enamel  of  composure  upon  their  cheeks,  and  those  whose 
dignity  forbids  the  levelling  of  demonstrative  hilarity, 
must  not  compromise  themselves  by  attending  these. 
For  if  eyesight  and  hearing  are  not  badly  impaired  one 
must  laugh  at  Photos  ;  it  is  such  an  energetic,  vivacious, 
delightfully  vulgar  performance.  It  is  full  of  cleverness 
and  dotted  with  originality.  The  automatic  arm,  the 
imaginary  wine-bottle,  the  concerted  gestures,  the  Ro- 
man army,  are  very  bright  conceits  and  immensly  amus- 
ing. At  Photos  you  have  to  endure  but  one  half  hour's 
singing,  to  obtain  one  and  one-half  hour's  unadulterated 
fun. 

If  the  Lingard- troupe  showed  weakness  during  their 
first  week's  performance,  they  have  made  it  up  by  a  dis- 
play of  atrocious  strength  during  last  week.  Not  Stick  a 
Fool  as  he  Looks,  changed  as  to  title,  and  Bab//,  under 
another  name,  both  otherwise  garbled  and  mangled  aX-. 
most  beyond  semblance  to  the  original,  have  been  their 
programme.  This,  acted  by  people  who  prove  at  every 
turn  their  "  perfect  "  insufficiency  ;  some  of  whom  stum- 
ble through  their  parts  with  all  the  ungainly  awkward- 
ness of  dilletanti ;  while  the  others  hurry  through  their 
business  in  such  a  manner  that  it  suggests  the  idea  of  a 
"go-as-you-please  race,"  to  decide  who  shall  be  the 
first  at  the  box-office  before  all  the  funds  have  disap- 
peared, proves  them  the  most  stupendous  aggregation  of 
incompetents  that  ever  attempted  to  make  an  appeal  for 
public  patronage.  The  meagre  recognition  accorded  to 
their  efforts,  together  with  the  indifferent  pedestrianism 
displayed  by  that  troupe,  suggests  the  dreadful  possibility 
of  their  remaining  here  forever. 

The  performance  at  the  German  Theater  last  Sunday 
was  a  most  enjoyable  one.  The  Darwinians  proved  very 
amusing  and  the  people  engaged  in  representing  them  had 
excellent  opportunities  which  were  taken  advantage  of  to 
the  fullest  extent.  To-morrow  evening  Mr.  Link  has  a 
farewell  benefit  performance.  That  gentleman  has  done 
some  very  good  work  in  his  profession,  during  his  short 
stay  among  us. 

The  preparations  for  the  Thomas-Festival  are  progress- 
ing very  favorably.  Rehearsals  have  begun,  and  next 
week  the  full  programme  of  the  performances  will  be  pub- 
lished. From  present  indications  the  subscriptions  from 
the  interior  and  neighboring  towns  will  contribute  a  con- 
siderable share  to  the  success  of  this  enterprise. 

Emerson's  Minstrels  are  as  amusing  as  ever,  and  their 
cosy  little  place  rarely  lacks  a  full  attendance.  They  are 
doing  Patience  there,  beside  their  usual  olio. 

At  tile  Tivoli,  Maritana  is  becoming  a  favorite  and  the 
attendance  shows  a  marked  increase  of  interest  in  a 
performance,  which  is  really  far  beyond  the  average. 

The  Winter  Garden  is  slowly  expiring  under  the  weight 
of  the  great  comedy-company. 

The  Voices  Family  opeu  at  the  California  on  Monday 
next. 

For  the  benefit  of  Master  Landsberger,  a  poor,  but  very 
talented  San  Francisco  boy,  Mr.  H.  Heyman  has  ar 
ranged  a  concert,  the  proceeds  of  which,  are  to  enable  the 
lad  to  complete  his  musical  education  in  Europe. 


One  of  the  Professors  in  the  California  University  is  a 
Ph.,  D.,  but  there  are  some  folks  who  never  can  get  things 
right,  and  they  call  him  a  D.  Ph. 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 
The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.   \V.  Tucker  i  Co. 
has  removed  to  the  comer  of  Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


A  NOTED  1JCT  UNTITLED  WOJ1AN. 

[From  Uio  Bodtun  Globe] 


Messrs.  Editors  .— 

TheoboTeisa  good  likeness  of  Mrs.  LydlaE.  Pink, 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mass..  who  above  all  utber  human  beings 
may  be  truthfully  called  the  'Dear  Friend  of  Woman," 
as  some  of  her  correspondents  love  to  call  her.  Sbe 
Is  aealously  devoted  to  her  work,  which  Is  the  outcome 
of  a  lift-study,  and  Is  obliged  to  keep  six  lady 
assistants,  to  help  her  answer  the  large  correspondence 
■which  daily  pours  in  upon  her,  each  bearing  its  special 
burden  of  suffering,  or  Joy  at  release  from  It,  Her 
Vegetable  Compound  Is  a  medicine  for  good  and  not 
evfl  purposes.  I  have  personally  investigated  It  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

On  account  of  Its  proven  merits.  It  is  recommended 
and  prescribed  by  the  best  physicians  In  the  country. 
One  says :  "  It  works  like  a  charm  and  eaves  much 
pain.  It  win  cure  entirely  the  worst  form  of  falling 
of  the  uterus,  Leucorrhoea,  Irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation,  all  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
riceration,  Floodings,  all  Displacements  and  the  con- 
sequent spinal  weakness,  and  Is  especially  adapted  to 
the  Change  of  Life." 

It  permeates  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  vigor.  It  removes  faintness,  flatulency, 
■destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervous  Prostration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Expression  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down,  causing  pain,  weight  and  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  It  will  at  all  times,  aud 
■under  all  circumstances,  act  in  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  $L  per  bottle  or  six  for  $5.,  and  is  sold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  required  as  to  special  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  stamp  for  reply, 
at  her  home  In  Lynn,  Mass. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compound  is 
unsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonials  show, 

"Mrs.  Pinkham's  liver  Pills,"  says  one  writer,  "are 
the  best  in  the  icorld  for  the  cure  of  Constipation, 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  livei.  Her  Blood 
Poriflerworks  wonders  in  its  special  line  an8  bids  fair 
to  equal  the-Compound  in  its  popularity, 

AH  must/respect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  Is  to  do  good  to  others. 

Philadelphia,  Pa.  CJ)  Mrs.  A.  M.  D. 


SST  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abusi/d  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanendy  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $=,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  Jio.oo 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.   0.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FBEE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  statins  hlj  symp- 
toms ana    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential 


KIDNEY-WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a  victim.  ?  THEN"  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney -Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
I  o  r|  ■  OC  For  complaints  peculiar 
kuUICSi  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney- Wort  i3  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

Either  Sex.  Incontinence,  retention  or'urine, 
brick  dustorropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power, 
43-    SOLD  BY  ALL  DRUGGISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


$72 


A  WEEK.     $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

®^TRY  PFUNDER'S 


DR.THOMAS  HALL'S 


BiTTE 

ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

A  delightful,  appetizer,  ffiviug  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
a  id  A^ue,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicel  qualities  excels  "atiy 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya, 

jISTForsale  everywhere  throughout  "the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


Cough,  Loh*  or  Voice.  Inciplrut  <  unsoiiipflou,  and  a 
Throat  aud  Lung  Trouble*. 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  IXI-Xl'EXZA,  COLD  IX  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK     FOB     THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    XO    OTHEB.        Price,    50    tenl-.. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co..  Druggists,  Proprs. 

417  Sansowc  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  S.  r. 


Cures  all  pains:  nice  to   use: 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

CX  O  Q  KKAKKY  STBEET.  SAj* 
O  rWtJ  Francisco—  Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  1b 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Persons  at  a  distance  may  be  CUBED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strlctlv  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
Cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WA9P. 


KIIOUES  A  CO..  Druggists,  San  Jose,  Caliloruiu. 


DEALERS  JN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free, 
dress  H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


H.  R.  Macparla-ve. 


Geo.  \V.  Macfarlask. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIBE-PBOOF     r.llllHM. K     <ll  I  1  :.\      STBEET, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  Island*. 


I  CURE  FITS 


When  I  gay  cure,  I  do  not  mean 
merely  to  stop  thorn  for  a  time  and 
then  have  them  return  again,  I 
mean  aradlcatcure.  I  have  made 
tbe  disease  of  FITS.  EPILEPSY  or  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  life-long 
study.  I  warrant  my  remedy  tocurethe  worst  cases.  Because  others 
have  failed  la  no  reason  for  not  now  receiving  ft  cure.  Send  at  one© 
for  a  treatise  and  a  Free  Bottle  of  ruy  iu fallible  remedy.  Give  Exp  reel 
and  Post  Ortico.  It  costs  you  nothing  for  a  trial,  and  I  will  cure  you. 
Address  Dr.  H.  G.  ROOT,  193  Peart  Street,  New  Yorfc. 


220 

222 


BUSH     STl-iEET 


224 
226 


oKLlFORN.A_FURN/ri;/?e 

The    Largest    Stocis— The    Latest    Styles, 


CALL    AND    SEE   BEFORE   PURCHASING! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 

^^AOiLlRINQ    CONtf5 


fxttf 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY  i.RECULATOP. 


ORECON    BLOOD  PURIFIER!  seaLoca, 


Sick    Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


EY        GOES. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  tf^The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,- $5.  Board,  per  week,  $4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  &3T  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 

pLUMBUS  BEEWFRY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


0 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA    BEER    Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  In- 
creases the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  3£t  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INTALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS*  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  45T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  "no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, CaL 


GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
fl^One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  CaL 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
■  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
■well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  SS"  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  o£  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  CaL 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
CaL,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
1  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
gST  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  E. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     it^TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  AST  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
$6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  Si  to  §2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

HE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.     C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.     ^"The  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price" — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
3Ioney,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


HEMffY    TIETJEN. 


"PINE  ST  NEAR  POLK, 


y//A-y  i/tmrtsU  d-  ;(se 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process   Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar   kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     AS"  Send  for  price  list. 

EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  CaL  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  35  to  66.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  6ST  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 

FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  &3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 

GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  liue 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 

C.  SHAW.     PLOW  WORKS.     DEALER    IN 

Agricultural    Implements,     Randolph     Headers, 

'     Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 

Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.     Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 

El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


M 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  CaL 

ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  CaL 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  S5T Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  §500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  £&  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


artistic  printing. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PLIINTIIN'Gr 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  C.  Jtiushes, 

511    Sansome    Street, 

Cor:....,^.,.  SAJS    FRANCISCO] 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,18S  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  18S3.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebeubaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street. 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


MANHOOD 


RESTORED. 


DR .  L  I  E  B  I  G  ,  400  Geary  Street,  continues 
to  treat  successfully  every  form  of  Chronic  or  Special  Dis- 
ease without  mercury,  minerals  or  nauseouB  drugs.  DB. 
LIEBIG'S  INVIGORATOR  1b  the  only  positive  and  perma- 
nent cure  for  nervouB  and  physical  debility,  loss  of  manhood, 
weakness  and  all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  exces- 
ses and  youthful  follies  One  thousand  dollars  will  be  for- 
feited for  any  case  of  weakness  or  Bpeciai  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  folio-wed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
after  trying  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  proBta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR  LIEBIG'S 
[NVIGOR\TOR,  Ho.  2,  is  a  specific  for  piostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBIG  &  CO., 
So.  400  Geary  street,  corner  of  MaBon  street,  San  Francisco. 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  Btreet.  eow 


CARDS 


.New Stile*:  Void  Beveled J£dge and 

Chromo  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality, 

largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromes  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

%vitheach<jrder.i;LiX'iox linos. &  (Jo.,CUutuiivllle,Oonn, 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

THarmless*to  the  Most   Delicate. 

baiIam 


•  This  Engraving  represents  the  Lungs  tn  a  healthy  at*te. 


Consumption, 

Couhs,  Colds, 

Croup. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 

CI  I  R  I  M  d  l1"1  Other  Throat  anil   Lang 

unll,u  Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any  Form  t 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  "it   has  No  Equal. 

FOB  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDING-TON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL,        "  " 

J.  J.  MACK  &  CO.,  •  "  1' 

^C   +r\   &QH  P^  day  at  home.    Samples  worth  S5  froe. 
(PJ    IU   iDiU  Address  Stikson  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


THE     WASP. 


11 


TEA. 

Although  England  and  America  are  the  greatest 
tea-consuming  nations  in  the  world,  they  still  re- 
main in  invincible  ignorance  of  the  real  value  of 
*'  cups  that  cheer  but  DOt  inebriate.  "  The  Anglo- 
Saxon  fashion  of  drinking  tea  would  he  laughed  to 
scorn  by  the  educated  Chinaman  or  the  accom- 
plished Russian.  Indeed,  it  is  surprising  in  how 
tew  houses  a  good  cup  of  tea  can  be  obtained  now 
that  it  has  become  unfashionable  for  the  mistress  of 
the  establishment,  not  only  to  preside  over  her  own 
tea-table,  but  to  have  complete  sway  over  that  most 
necessary  article,  a  kettle  of  boiling  water.  The 
Chinese  never  dream  of  stewing  their  tea  as  is  too 
often  done  here.  They  do  not  drown  it  with  milk 
or  cream,  or  alter  its  taste  with  sugar,  but  lightly 
pour  boiling  water  on  a  small  portion  of  the  leaves. 
It  is,  then,  instantly,  poured  on"  again,  by  which 
the  Chinaman  obtains  only  the  more  volatile  and 
stimulating  portion  of  its  principle.  The  most 
delicious  of  all  tea,  however,  can  be  tasted  in  Rus- 
sia, which  imports  the  best  of  the  Chinese  leaves, 
as  it  imports  the  beBt  of  French  champagne.  It  is 
served  delicate  and  fresh,  sometimes  with  the 
flavoring  of  a  slice  of  lemon,  and  is  altogether  a 
different  beverage  from  the  much-boasted  English 
cup  of  tea.  Time  was,  no  doubt,  when  the  house- 
wife prided  herself  on  the  hospitality  involved  in 
this  gracious  offering,  and  was  as  proud  of  her  brew 
as  most  men  are  of  their  manufacture  of  a  salad. 
*  *  *  The  decay  of  tea-drinking,  as 
a  tine  art,  dates  from  the  moment  when  Mater- 
farailias  handed  over  the  teapot  to  the  tender 
mercies  of  the  cook.  She  condescends  to  preside 
over  the  tea-table  occasionally,  and  sometimes 
pours  it  out  for  her  guests;  but  kitchen  tea  is  a  fatal 
mistake.  It  is  not  tea  at  all— it  is  stew.  It  is  as 
disagreeable  to  the  palate  as  it  is  injurious  to  the 
health.  Doctors  are  beginning  to  find  this  out, 
and  are  forbidding  their  patients  that  once  delight- 
ful first  morning  cup  of  tea  which  has  been  cooking 
for  hours  on  the  kitchen  hob  or  the  oven.  Indeed, 
they  recommend  a  half  glass  of  boiling  hot  water 
as  far  more  suitable  to  the  digestion  than  long- 
standing and  over-cooked  tea.  How  different  is 
the  beverage  now  handed  round  ready  poured  out 
by  an  attentive  footman  to  the  deliciously-scented 
and  soothing  cup  that  used  to  be  handed  to  her 
guests,  deftly  made  by  the  mistress  of  the  house 
herself  !  The  very  look  of  it  is  no  longer  encour- 
aging. It  is  either  a  pale,  half-chilled,  unsatisfactory 
beverage,  or  it  contains  a  dark,  black-brown  sedi- 
ment from  over-boiled  tea-leaves.  At  the  newly- 
started  tea  and  coffee  places  in  England,  which  are 
to  promote  sobriety,  the  great  and  crying  com- 
plaint is  that  the  tea  and  coffee  are  so  poor  that  the 
best  intentioned  people  are  forced  back  to  the  dan- 
gerous gin-mill  in  order  to  obtain  a  little  stimulant; 
for  it  is  idle  to  deny  that  both  tea  and  coffee  are 
stimulating  to  the  constitution.  A  great  reform  in 
tea  is  rpquired.  — 77ie  Hour. 

CONCERNING    GEORGE. 


Before  the  schools  dismissed  for  a  holiday  on 
February  22d  the  teachers  had  something  to  say 
about  George  Washington,  and  some  of  them  felt 
it  their  duty  to  see  if  the  pupils  were  posted  on  the 
record  of  the  great  man.  One  teacher  selected  a 
boy  about  14  years  of  age  and  inquired  : 

"  William,  who  made  this  country  what  it  is  ?" 

"  Vanderbilt  and. Tay  Gould,"  was  his  ready  reply. 

"  Didn't  you  ever  hear  of  George  Washington  ? " 

"  Yes'm,  and  I've  head  of  Captain  Kidd." 

"  Don't  you  know  that  Washington  was  our  first 
President  V 

u  Course  I  do,  but  they  had  to  have  some  one 
didn't  they  ? " 

"  Why  wis  Washington  called  the  father  of  our 
country  i  " 

;t  To  save  the  country  from  paying  up  his  back 
salary." 

"  Why  do  we  honor  the  22d  of  February  ?  " 

"  Because  we  can  get  out  of.  school  and  go 
skating  or  hitch  on." 

"  I  guess  you  don't  know  much  about  Washing- 
ton." 

11  No'm,  and  I  don't  wan't  to.  My  father  can 
take  a  clock  all  to  pieces  and  grease  her  up  and 
make  her  run,  and  I  don't  believe  Washington 
could." 

She  made  one  more  effort  to  get  out  of  it  without 
loss  of  dignity,  by  asking  : 

"  What  has  this  country  done  to  honor  Wash- 
ington ?" 

"  Named  a  lot  of  Baloons,  ferry  boats,  third-class 


hotels  and  tire  engines  after  him,  and  there's  a  pie 
called  Washington  pie.  There's  a  city  called 
Washington.  It  is  the  capital.  Everybody  who 
doesn't  keep  boarders  tries  to  dead  beat  everybody 
who  does,  and  that's  all  I  know  about  the  conti- 
nental army  or  anybody  else.  "      /'■'    Fret   Pn 


RECLAIMED. 


"  Walter,  "  said  Miss  Bumbler  to  the  ardent 
suitor  who  kneeled  at  her  feet,  "  I  cannot  marry 
you.  For  some  time  I  have  smelled  whisky  on 
your  breath.  I  can  never  marry  a  man  who  drinks, 
for  I  am  the  secretary  of  a  temperance  organiza- 
tion. "  The  young  man  rolled  his  eyes  in  an  agony 
of  matrimonial  despair  and  solemnly  hiccoughed: 

"  Then  you  do  not  love  me,  "  he  said. 

"  Oh,  do  not  tear  my  heart.  I  do  love  you  with 
condensed  affection,  but  you  are  a  drunkard  and  I 
cannot  many'  you  this  evening.  " 

"  Melvena,  you  want  me  to  say  some  other  even- 
ing, so  you  can  accuse  nie  of  revamping  an  old  gag.  " 

"  You  lacerate  me.  It  is  the  gagging  that  I 
want  you  to  stop.  My  decision  is  final.  I  cannot 
marry  you  unless  you  reform.  Promise  me  that 
you  will  swear  off!  " 

"  I  will,  "  exclaimed  the  young  man  arising. 

"  For  how  long  ?  " 

"  What  is  to-day  ?  " 

"  Tuesday.  " 

"  I  will  swear  off  until  Wednesday.  " 

"  Oh,  Walter,  I  have  reclaimed  you,  "  and  she 
threw  her  arms  around  his  neck.  They  were 
married. — A  rkansas  Traveler. 


FROM  THE  OLD  WORLD. 
From  the  great  London  \Eng.)  Times. 
Among  the  many  specifics  introduced  to  the  public  for 
the  cure  of  dyspepsia,  indigestion,  derangements  of 
various  kinds,  and  as  a  general  family  medicine,  none 
have  met  with  such  genuine  appreciation  as  Hop  Bitters. 
Introduced  to  this  country  but  a  comparatively  short 
time  since,  to  meet  the  great  demand  for  a  pure,  safe  and 
perfect  family  medicine,  they  have  rapidly  increased  in 
favor,  until  they  are,  without  question,  the  most  popular 
and  valuable  medicine  known.  Its  world-wide  renown  is 
not  due  to  the  advertising  it  has  received  ;  it  it  famous  by 
reason  of  its  inherent  virtues.  It  does  all  that  is  claimed 
for  it.  It  discharges  its  curative  powers  without  any  of 
the  evil  effects  of  other  bitters  or  medicine,  being  perfectly 
safe  aDd  harmless  for  the  most  frail  woman,  smallest 
child,  and  weakest  invalid  to  use.  Few  are  the  homes 
indeed  where  the  great  discovery  has  not  already  been 
hailed  as  a  deliverer  and  welcomed  as  a  friend.  It  does 
what  others  affect  to  do.  Composed  of  simple  materials, 
it  is  a  marvel  of  delicate  and  successful  combination. 
Nothing  is  wanting.  Every  ingredient  goes  straight  to 
the  mark  at  which  it  is  aimed,  and  never  fails.  Pleasant 
to  the  palate,  agreeable  to  the  stomach,  and  thoroughly 
effective  as  a  cure,  it  has  won  for  itself  the  confidence  of 
alL —  Times,  London,  Eng. 

A  Few  Unsolicited  tellers  limn  Thousands  Received. 

Feb.  9,  1882. 
I  have  tried  experiments  on  myself  and  others  with 
Hop  Bitters,  and  can  easily  recommend  them  as  a  pleasant 
and  efficacious  medicine.  I  have  found  them  specially 
useful  in  cases  of  congestion  of  the  kidneys,  as  well  as  in 
bilious  derangements. 

Rev.  -I    Milner,  M.  A, 
Rector  to  the  Duke  of  Edinburgh. 

U.  S.  Consulate,  Manchester,  Eng.,  Nov.  8,  1882. 
Gentlemen -.—Since  writing  you  of  the  great  benefit  I 
had  derived  from  taking  "  Hop  Bitters,  "  I  gave  a  friend 
a  bottle,  who  had  been  suffering  much  from  dyspepsia  and 
sluggish  liver,  and  the  change  was  marvellous  ;  he  ap- 
peared another  being  altogether.  He  had  tried  several 
other  remedies  without  any  benefit.  I  could  name  over 
a  dozen  other  miraculous  cures. 

Arthur  C.  Hall,  Consular  Clerk. 

London,  Eng.,  Sept.  1, 1882. 
I  am  pleased  to  testify  to  the  good  effects  of  your 
"  Hop  Bitters.  "  Have  been  suffering  a  long  time  with 
severe  pain  in  the  left  side  and  across  the  loins,  and  hav- 
ing tried  a  number  of  so-called  remedies  without  any 
benefit,  I  am  glad  to  acknowledge  the  great  relief  I  have 
obtained  from  your  medicine. 

Charles  Watron. 

Colchester,  Eng.,  Aug  18,  1882. 
Gentlemen  :— I  was  troubled  with  a  very  bad  form  of 
indigestion  for  a  long  time,  and  tried  many  things  in  vain 
until  I  got  some  "  Hop  Bitters.  "  and  on  taking  was 
quite  cured,  and  remain  so  till  this  time.  It  is  now  three 
months  ago  since  I  was  bad. 

r .  Bell. 

From  Rev.  J.  C.  Boyce,  mTI.  Oct.  30  1882. 

Dear  Sirs  :— I  have  lately  finished  my  first  bottle  of 


Hon  Bitters.  "  After  having  for  many  years  suffered 
acutely  from  rheumatic  gout  (inherited)  I  feel  so  much 
better,  and  can  walk  so  much  more  freely,  should  like  to 
continue  the  use  of  it.  I  write  to  u-k  how  many  bottles 
you  will  M  me  have  for  fil,  bo  that  I  may  always  have 
some  in  >t     I 

From  oniii  Ireland. 
Bop  BitU     <  Dublin,  Not.  22,  i--  ! 

Gentlemen      Sou  may  be  interested  to  leant  that  one 
of  the  moal  eminent  Judge*  on  the   [run  h<  rich 
tomer  of  mine)  highly  approve*  of  your  Bop  Bitters 
having  received  great  benefit  from  their  use. 

T.  T.  Holmes,  Chemist 

Alexandra  Palace.  ) 

London,  En...,  April  Is,  is«2.      i 
I  find  Hop  Bitters  a  most  wonderful  medical  combina- 
tion,   healthful,    blood-purifying   and   strengthening      I 
can,  from  analysis  as  well  as  from  medical  knowledge 
highly  recommend  them  as  a  valuable  family  medicine.    ' 
Barbara  Wallace  Gothabd,  Sup*. 

e.        __  Sheffield,  En-..,  June  7, 1882. 

bir  :  -Having  suffered  from  extreme  nervous  debility 
for  four  years,  and  having  tried  all  kinds  of  medicine  and 
change  of  scene  and  air  without  deriving  any  benefit 
whatever,  I  was  persuaded  by  a  friend  to  try  Hop  Bitters, 
and  the  effect,  I  am  happy  to  say,  was  moat  marvellous' 
Under  these  circumstances  I  feel  it  my  duty  to  give  this 
testimonial  for  the  benefit  of  others,  as  T  may  say  I  am 
now  entirely  well ;  therefore  I  can  justly  and  with  con- 
fidence give  personal  testimony  to  any  one  wishing  to  call 
upon  me.  Yours  truly,  Henry  Hall. 

Norwich,  Eng,  June  20,  1882. 
T->  the  Hop  Bitters  Co. 

Gentlemen  :—  Having  suffered  for  many  years  from  bil- 
iousness, accompanied  with  sickness  and  dreadful  head- 
ache (being  greatly  fatigued  with  overwork  and  long  hours 
at  business)  I  lost  all  energy,  strength  and  appetite.  I  was 
advised  by  a  friend  in  whom  I  had  seen  such  beneficial 
effects  to  try  Hop  Bitters,  and  a  few  bottles  have  quite 
altered  and  restored  me  to  better  health  than  ever.  I 
have  also  recommended  it  to  other  friendB,  and  am  pleased 
to  add  with  the  like  result.  Every  claim  you  make  for  it 
I  can  fully  endorse,  and  recommend  it  as  an  incomparable 
tonic.     Yours  faithfully.  S.  \V.  Km. 

limn    Cieriiinny. 

Katzenbachhok,  Germany,  Aug.  28,  1881. 
Hop  Bitters  Co. 

Dear  Sirs  :—  I  have  taken  your  most  precious  •  eiice, 
Hop  Bitters,  and  I  can  already,  after  so  short  a  time,  as- 
sure you  that  I  feel  much  better  than  I  have  felt  for 
months. 

I  have  had,  during  the  course  of  four  years,  three  times 
an  inflammation  of  the  kidneys.  The  last,  in  January, 
1880,  was  the  worst ;  and  I  took  a  lot  of  medicine  to  cure 
the  same,  in  consequence  of  which  my  stomach  got  ter- 
ribly weakened.  I  suffered  from  enormous  pains,  had  to 
bear  great  torments  when  taking  nourishment,  had  sleep- 
less nights,  but  none  of  the  medicine  was  of  the  least  use 
to  me.  Now,  in  consequence  of  taking  Hop  Bitters,  these 
pains  and  inconveniences  have  entirely  left  me,  I  have  a 
good  night's  rest,  and  am  sufficiently  strengthened  for 
work,  while  I  always  had  to  lay  down  during  the  day, 
and  this  almost  every  hour.  I  shall  think  it  my  duty  to 
recommend  Hop  Bitters  to  all  who  suffer,  for  I  am  sure  I 
cannot  thank  the  Lord  enough  that  I  came  across  your 
preparation,  and  I  hope  He  will  maintain  you  along  time 
to  come  for  the  welfare  of  suffering  mankind.  Yours  very 
truly.  Pauline  HaussleB,  Gebr.  Rosier. 

I  r roi'lu^iil  ami  Spain. 

Gentlemen  :  —Though  not  in  the  habit  of  praising  patent 
medicines,  which  for  the  most  part  are  not  only  useless 
but  injurious,  1  have  constantly  used  Hop  Bitters  for 
the  past  four  years  in  cases  of  indigestion,  debility,  feeble- 
ness  of  constitution  and  in  all  diseases  caused  by  poor  or 
bad  ventilation,  want  of  air  and  excercise,  overwork  »nd 
want  of  appetite,  with  the  most  perfect  success. 

I  am  the  first  who  introduced  your  Hop  Bitters  in  Port- 
ugal and  Spain,  where  they  are  now  used  very  extensively. 
Yours  very  truly,  Baron  DeFonte  Bella. 

Profession  de  Chemie  et  de  Pharmacie,  Coimbia  Uni- 
versity, Coimbra,  Portugal. 


DON'T  DIE  IN  THE  HOUSE. 

"  Rough  on  Rats. "     Clears  out  rats,  mice,  roaches,  bed- 
bugs, flies,  ants,  moles,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c. 


*»*  "  He  who  is  ready  to  buy  up  his  enemies  will  never 
want  a  supply  of  them."  It  is  cheaper  to  buy  a  true  friend 
in  Kidney- Wort  who  will  drive  away  those  miserable  ene- 
mies, a  torpid  liver,  constipation,  diabetes,  piles,  diseased 
kidneys  and  bowelB.  This  remedy  is  now  prepared  in 
liquid  as  well  as  in  dry  form. 


SST  The  wonders  of  modern  chemistry  are  apparent  in 
the  beautiful  Diamond  Dyes.  All  kinds  and  colors  r»f  Ink 
can  be  made  from  them. 

Nervousness,  peevishness,  and  fretting,  so  often  con- 
nected with  overworked  females'  liven,  are  rapidly  relived 
by  Brown's.Tron  Bitters. 


12 


THE     WASP- 


cow  COUNTY  TYPES. 


III.— An  Editor, 


Erastua  Dusterberry  describes  himself  as  "a 
knight  of  the  quill,  "  and  he  professes  to  believe 
that  in  his  hands  the  pen  is  mightier  than  the 
sword.  In  one  sense  he  is  probably  right.  He  is 
at  present,  as  most  of  us  are  aware,  the  editor  of 
our  esteemed  contemporary,  the  Dustville  Trom- 
bone. He  also  sweeps  out  the  office  when  it  is 
swept,  sets  most  of  the  type  and  collects  the  bills 
when  he  can.  He  makes  a  decent  living  at  it,  but 
that  does  not  prevent  his  reiterated,  well-adver- 
tised enjoyment  of  that  permanent  and  much 
respected  joke  whose  point  is  believed  to  consist  in 
the  incongruity— nay  nipossibility  of  even  the  most 
modified  form  of  wealth  as  an  adjunct  of  a  news- 
paper man's  calling.  The  laughable  variations  on 
this  theme  aud  an  occasional  reference  to  the  pre- 
scriptive total  depravity  of  the  mule — a  joke  which 
has  long  ago  acquired  a  stake  in  the  community — 
constitute  the  bulk  of  his  humorous  sallies,  so  far  as 
he  knows.  His  other  jokes  are  to  him  very  serious 
matters.  His  literary  aspirations  are  not  al- 
together satisfied  by  the  opportunities  afforded  by 
the  columns  of  the  Trombone.  He  hankers  for  a 
held  in  which  he  may  graze  undisturbed  by  the 
galling  limitations  of  newspaper  work  and  be  ad- 
mired' by  the  female  of  his  species.  I  scarcely 
know  whether  newspaper  men  are  really  more  vain 
than  other  people,  but  they,  or  at  least  those  of 
them  who  edit  their  own  copy,  are  unfortunate  in 
having  plentiful  opportunities  of  exhibiting  the 
length  of  their  ears  and  other  parts  of  them  whose 
beauty  might  more  decently  be  concealed.  Duster- 
berry  is  prone  to  consider  himself  very  much  in  the 
light  of  a  standard  by  which  other  men  should  be 
judged,  and  he  is  quite  ready  to  impart  that  fact  to 
the  public  as  news  worth  paying  for  at  the  rate  of 
$3  a  year.  Wituessthe  following,  which  he  printed 
once  in  the  Trombone : 

"  We  are  not  the  handsomest  man  in  California, 
nor  in  Dustville  even,  although  sometimes  our 
wife  remarks  that  when  we  are  dressed  in  our  new 
'  store  clothes '  we  are  a  daisy  ;  but  we  saw  a  man 
yesterday  so  homely  that  we  could  scarce  refrain 
from  tears  as  we  gazed  on  the  lineaments  with 
which  nature  had  so  ruthlessly  trilled.  " 

Wrestling  witli  that  very  singular  plural,  the 
editorial  "  we,  "  is  hard  work  when  the  editorial 
pig  goes  a-rooting  with  his  depraved  pronoun 
among  his  personal  surroundings.  Further  to 
gratify  his  craving  for  admiration,  my  friend 
Dusterberry  induced  a  number  of  the  young  people 
of  the  village  to  join  him  in  founding  the  famous 
Lackadaisy  Literary  Union,  which  has  a  branch  in 
nearly  every  town  in  California.  The  constitution 
of  this  body  stated  its  object  as  "mutual  intellec- 
tual improvement  and  musical  entertainment,  " 
but  it  is  chiefly  used  as  a  pretext  for  unconstitu- 
tional flirting  by  the  callow  loverlings  of  the  place. 
Dusterberry  and  one  or  two  of  his  friends  are 
suffered  to  afford  intellectual  treats  in  considera- 
tion of  their  non-interference  with  the  more  serious 
business  of  the  meeting.  Between  the  preparation 
and  delivery  of  these  diverting  exercises  and  giving 
the  importance  of  print  to  the  cacklesome  humors 
of  the  village,  he  contrives  to  kill  time.  He  is 
always  happy  when  he  can  find  or  create  an  oppor- 
tunity of  informing  the  public  of  the  severe  and 
exacting  nature  of  his  editorial  labors,  and  he  de- 
lights to  transfer  from  his  exchanges  to  his  columns 
those  harrowing  recitals  in  which  the  amateur 
newspaper  man  is  wont  to  attitudinize  as  an  over- 
worked man,  squandering  his  brains  and  vitality  on 
an  ungrateful  and  careless  public.  It  is  always 
difficult  to  say  what  Dusterberry's  politics  may  be 
at  the  opening  of  a  campaign,  nor  is  it  of  the 
slightest  use  attempting  to  argue  as  to  his  probable 
course  from  the  known  to  the  unknown.  Party 
strength  in  the  county  is  very  evenly  divided,  and 
this  is  a  source  of  extreme  tribulation  to  him.  If 
it  were  alt  one  way  things  would  be  much  easier. 
In  politics  the  wrong  opinions — that  is  the  opinions 
of  the  minority — are  about  as  unmistakable  as  a 
quarter  section  of  a  baby's  howl,  and  Dusterberry's 
opinions  were  meant  for  use  and  not  for  ornament. 
If  the  election  should  prove  his  opinions  to  be 
wrong,  there  would  be  an  end  to  all  official  adver- 
tising and  those  other  little  favors  which  an  ad- 
ministration knows  how  to  shower  on  the  apostles 
of  its  creed.  Sitting  one  day  in  his  office  shortly 
after  an  election  in  which  the  grand  old  party  had 
been  successful    I  congratulated  him  on  his  recent 


conversion    to   the  "  time-honored  principles  "  of 
the  g.  o.  p. 

"  That's  so,"  he  answered  with  a  wink,  "I  al- 
ways was  lucky — flopped  just  at  the  right  time, 
didn't  I?" 

'  An  ordinary  man  might  have  thought  those 
principles  were  getting  slightly  out  of  repair,  but 
you  made  them  out  as  good  as  new.  " 

"  You  bet  I'm  solid  on  principles.  Always  get 
down  to  bedrock — that's  the  proposition — and 
sling  it  straight  at  'em.  That's  what  talks  at  an 
election.  " 

"  The  press  is  a  mighty  engine.  " 

11  Yes  sir— the  lever  that  moves  the  world — and 
and —  " 

"  The  divinity  that  shapes  our  ends,  eh  ?  " 

"  Now  ain't  you  getting  that  a  little  mixed? 
You  mean  'the  divinity  that  hedges  in  a  king,  rough- 
hew  him  how  you  will.  '  Always  get  your  quota- 
tions straight.  That's  the  rule  of  every  well-regu- 
lated newspaper  office.  " 

Dusterberry  is  one  of  those  men  of  whom  it  is 
said  that  he  has  not  a  single  enemy  in  the  world. 
He  never  neglects  an  opportunity  to  slaver  affec- 
tionate laudatory  adjectives  over  the  names  of  his 
acquaintances  when  he  can  find  some  trifling  pre- 
text for  "  a  notice  "  in  his  columns.  In  fact.,  it  is 
his  rule  never  to  admit  any  name  without  its  ap- 
propriate smear  of  sweets  tuff.  It  is  "  our  promi- 
nent Ralsominer  Jones,  "  or  "  that  prince  of  good 
fellows,  Ed.  Robinson,  '  '  or  lt  that  genial,  whole- 
souled  host  of  the  Dustville  Eagle."  If  he  had 
been  the  literary  artist  of  a  graveyard  and  em- 
ployed in  the  "  nice  derangement  of  epitaphs  "  his 
fat  vocabulary,  marshaled  by  his  unruly  pronoun, 
would  have  covered  the  whole  case.  The  worthy 
internes  would  have  risen  up  like  one  corpse  and 
called  him  blessed.  In  the  matter  of  titles  he 
pursues  a  liberal  policy,  and  Mrs.  Dogcatcher 
Sluirgins  is  never  divorced  from  her  husband's  hon- 
orable additions  in  the  columns  of  the  Trombone. 
It  is  only  by  the  exercise  of  some  self-restraint 
that  he  refrains  from  providing  the  lady  with  that 
abrupt  compendium  of  political  virtue,  the  preva- 
lent "  Hon.  "  In  spite  of  all  this  amiability  Dus- 
terberry is  not  rich,  for  this  is  not  a  quality  for 
which  people  are  anxious  to  pay  ;  but  as  he  is 
pleased  with  himself  and  his  condition  there  is  no 
reason  why  others  should  quarrel  with  the  situ- 
ation. He  is  satisfied  with  the  figure  he  cuts  as  a 
member  of  that  ever-increasing  class  which,  "  con- 
tent to  dwell  in  decencies  forever,"  would  blush  to 
adopt  an  idea  which  is  not  already  blessed  with  a 
large  and  influential  family  of  fathers. 

At/toly<ju.s. 


It  is  announced  (  and  our  artist  has  "  caught  on  " 
with  a  cartoon)  that  Prince  Bismarck  is  negotiat- 
ing for  the  purchase  of  some  millions  of  acres  of 
land  in  Mexico  upon  which  to  settle  German  emi- 
grants. What  the  downy  old  bird  would  be  at  by 
this  manner  of  thing  is  not  apparent.  The  trade 
of  Mexico  is  already  pretty  well  gobbled  up  by 
Germans;  perhaps  Bismarck  wants  them  to  capture 
the  agriculture  too.  It  is  all  right  so  long  as  they 
let  the  mines  and  railroads  alone;  they,  by  pre- 
scriptive right,  belong  to  los  Americanos,  aud  shares 
are  for  sale  right  along  every  day  in  the  year. 
Probably  the  blood-and-iron  chap  wants  to  found  a 
settlement  of  Socialists,  and  thinks  they  would  be 
more  useful  in  Mexico  than  in  Germany;  but  that 
is  just  what  they  think  of  him.  It  does  not  matter, 
in  any  event;  Jay  Gould  will  have  the  land  before 
the  ink  on  the  titledeedsis  dry,  and  will  be  driving 
a  railroad  through  it  diagonally,  and  in  three  weeks 
Henry  Janin  and  George  Roberts  will  have  put  in 
a  mine  on  each  corner. 


Mr.  Bowie's  clerk  has  been  heard  of  in  Hawaii, 
where  he  is  making  himself  socially  delightful  to  a 
large  circle  of  the  natives.  Young  gentlemen  who 
adopt  money-lending  as  a  profession,  should  be 
careful  about  the  men  they  employ.  Those  clerks 
or  at  least  a  majority  of  them,  get  such  an  insight 
into  this  smooth  and  comfortable  business,  that 
they  consider  every  dollar  wrested  from  the  usuri- 
ous heap  a  clear  gain.  After  all,  the  only  safe  way 
to  lend  money  is  the  pawnbroking  system.  Those 
quiet  and  friendly  accommodations  to  extravagant 
young  men  at  four  per  cent,  a  month  are,  in  the 
end,  risky  operations. 


When  rain  falls,  if  she  gets  the  bigger  half  of  the 
umbrella,  they  are  lovers  ;  if  he  takes  the  bigge 
half,  they  are  married. 


THE    BELL-BOY'S    BAZOO, 


Truthful 


I'm  the  boy  what  scrubs  the  bannisters,  and  sweeps  the 

parlor  floors ; 
I  has  to  answer  all  the  bells,  and  clean  the  cuspidores. 
I  gets  the  cussin'  an'  the  blame  for  everything  that's  did 
On  all  the  second  story — which  is  wearin'  on  a  kid. 
Well,  yer  see,  we  rents  a  parlor  to  a  loony  lot  o'  gals 
Who  calls  themselves  the  "  Hayacinths,"  or  some  sich 

blame'  fallals ; 
They  was  sorter  on  the  charity  an1  missionary  lay, 
But  finally  they  busted  in  a  most  redick'lous  way. 
They  was  holdin'  of  a  meetin'  (I  was  hid  behind  the 

door} 
An'  sich  a  lot  o1  ohatterin'  I  never  heard  before  ; 
Like  this:  "Poor  thing!  "  You  don't  say  so  V"  ''How 

shocking  !  "    "  It's  too  bad  !  " 
"To  think  that  shabby  garment  was  the  only  dress  she 

had  !  " 
(Thinks  I  its  some  old  woman  an'  her  duds  are  gettin' 

thin  ; 
'Till  on  they  went :)     "  An  awful  dress  to  give  a  party 

in  !  " 
An*  then  another  "  Hyacinth  "  arose  an'  took  the  floor, 
An'  said  she'd  seen  a  sight  to-day  she  knew  they'd  all 

deplore  : 
"     A  poor  blind,  crippled,  little  boy,  whose  life  was  very 

hard, 
An'  she  moved  the  club  should  offer  him  a  lovely  pic- 
ture card 
To  soothe  his  bitter  trial.     Bounced  a  member  to  her 

feet, 
An'  said  her  friend's  suggestion  was  appropriate  and 

sweet ; 
It  was  truly  characteristic  of  her  fellow-member's  mind 
To  utter  such  a  chromo  to  a  person  who  was  blind  ! 
It  might  have   been   expected  from  her  darling  Myra 

Jones 

Then  Myra  she  objected  to  her  friend's  sarcastic  tones, 
.Remarking  that  some  people  were  extravagantly  smart, 
An' with   due  consideration   for  her   dear  Miss  .lessie 

Tart, 
There  were  many  members  present  who  would  really 

like  to  know 
If  she  got  her  information  From  that  cross-eyed  little 

beau 
Who  was  her  sole  supporter  at  the  Regimental  Ball 
And  saved  her  from  the  privilege  of  holding  up  the  wall. 
Why  even  he  hail  whispered  that   the  fair  Miss  Jessie's 

hair 
Was  red  enough  to  warm  his  hands  or  light  Ins  pipe     so 

there! 
By  this   time   all   the  "Hyacinths"   was  ready  for  a 

breeze 
An*  every  gal  was  talkin'  like  a  six  days  go's-you- 

please. 
One  said  her  hair  was    auburn,   and  another  called 

it  red  ; 
Some  said  red  hair  was  better  far  than  nothing  on  one's 

head ; 
While  others  thought  Miss  Jessie's  beau  was  just  a  hor- 
rid fright, 
Which  was  flatly  contradicted  an'  it  ended  in  a  tight. 
The  president  stood  on  her  chair,  but  when  she  tried  to 

speak 
Kerwhack  !    A  piece  of  chewing  gum  collided  with  her 

cheek, 
An'  then    she  screamed  a  warlike  scream— dismounted 

from  her  chair 
An'  tried  to  yank  her  ringers  through   the  secretary's 

hair  ! 
Well,  I  tried  to  keep  from  laughin'  but  I  couldn't  any 

more, 
An'  yer  oughter  seen  them    "  Hyacinths  "    a-breakin 

for  the  door  ! 
I  rilled  my  hat  with  hairpins  when  I  went  to  sweep  the 

floor 
An'  chewin'-taffy  by  the  peck,  an'  apples  by  the  score ; 
But  we  lost  our  blooinin'  tenants  ont'n  parlor  twenty- 
four  ! 
Son  Francisco.  Mareh  SO.  1883. 


Mrs.  Langtry  walked  into  a  Philadelphia  milliner's 
store,  and  trying  on  a  bonnet,  said:  "  What  a  fright  I 
am,"  "  Oh,  no,  "madame,"  the  milliner  replied,  depre- 
catingly,  "  we  have  really  wor&e  looking  ladies  than  you 
come  in  here  ! 


THE     WASP. 


13 


OTHER     FOOLS'     FOLLIES, 


This  is  the  use  to  which  the  telephone  is  put    in 
Cows,  according  to  the    Lyons   Mirror:  An   eaves- 
dropper "  took  this  off"  the  other  morn  in 
the  thermometer  stood  at  ten  below  : 

Mr  mi  Lyons)     la  that  you,  dearest  ' 

She  (in  Clinton  i     ■!  as,  love. 

He     Put  the  mouth-piece  to  your  lips. 

She-  Fes,  what  ' 

He  (kisses)— That ' 

She     Oh,  my  !  Was  that  lightning  I 

He     Did  you  get  it,  dearest  ' 

sin-     Yes,  love— eoiil  mid  distant,  hut  so   sweet. 
Call  avain. 


"Are  you  the  judge  of  reprobates?"  said  Mrs. 
Partington,  us  slie  walked  into  an  "Mice  of  a  judge 
of  probate,  "lama  judge  of  probate,"  was  the 
reply.  "  Well,  that's  it.  I  expect.  "  quoth  the  old 
lady.  "You  see  my  father  died  detested,  and  he 
left  several  little  infidels,  and  I  want  to  be  their 
executioner. 


lie  Rfconds  upon  the  pavement 

And  wrestles  with  the  breeze  : 
He  looks  in  through  the  window 

And  this  i-  h  hat  he  Bees  : 
Lights  low  ;  a  combination 

Of  moustache  and  of  curl,— 
Another  fellow's  hugging 

The  other  fellow's  girL 


"Belobbed,"  said  a  colored  pastor  to  his  Hock, 
by  way  of  prelude  to  the  usual  experience  meeting, 
"  Ise  powerful  'bleeged  ter  dis  community  fer  dat 
ar  donation  wis'tation,  an  dar's  oiVy  one  'gredient 
ob  der  pervisions  dat  Ise  karful  ter  make  any  ruf- 
erence  unto,  an'  dat  ar's  a  wig  dat  some  kin'  brud- 
der  ob  der  clnrcli  drapped  inter  de  pa'm  ob  char'ty 
in  membrance  ob  dis  gentlein's  absence  ob  liar. 
De  wig  am  fa'r  to  behole  but  I  'speck  de  fo'mer 
oc'punt  ob  de  same  warn't  coshus  bout  fum'gatin 
de  same  wid  a  tin'  toof  komb  fo'  he  part  wid  it,  an' 
Ide  be  'bleeged  ter'  im  ef  he'd  call  roun'  wid  a 
baskit  and  kerlek  de  inhab'tants  ob  de  wig,  an' 
leaf  me  jis  de  ha'r.  Dat's  bout  all  dis  reb'rend 
geniincn  kin  s'ply  'commerdations  fer.  " 


M., 


"  What    would  you   do,  Mr. 
died  1  "   asked  Mrs.    D. 

Mr.    M.    (who   is   very   methodical) 
bury  her.'' 


f  your  wife 
— "  I    would 


A  diner-out,  who  has  had  more  than  his  share  of 
the  wine,  is  carefully  feeling  his  way  home  at 
night,  when  he  unfortunately  stumbles  against  the 
circular  railing  which  surrouuds  a  statue." 

After  having  gone  round  it  about  seven  timesthe 
hopelessness  of  his  situation  Hashes  upou  him  with 
vividness,  and  he  sinks  down  upon  the  pavement 
outside  with  a  despairing  shriek  : 

"  The  scoundrels  !     They've  shut  me  inhere!" 

"  Neuralgia  "  is  the  name  borne  by  a  charming 
girl  of  Iowa.  Her  mother  found  it  on  a  medicine 
bottle,  and  was  captivated  by  its  sweetness. 


The  well-behaving  majority  of  the  House  of 
Representatives  discovered  how  to  keep  order; 
they  elected  a  colored  member  temporary  chair- 
man. As  Whites  do  not  like  to  lie  reprimanded 
by  Blacks  they  kept  quiet. 


"  Here  comes  an  Eastern  detective,  "  said  a 
joker  in  a  Deadwood  church  as  the  congregation 
was  kneeling  in  prayer.  In  seventeen  seconds 
every  worshiper  except  the  chief  elder  had  risen 
from  his  knees  and  slid  out  of  the  window.  The 
chief  elder  had  fainted. 


"  Thss  is  really  too  bad  !  "  said  Colonel  Watson 
Mercer  to  his  son  Fitzhugh,  "  here  you  are  drunk 
again.  You  are  the  most  dissipated  young  man  in 
Austin.  You  were  drunk  all  last  week  and  all  this 
week." 

"  I  know  it,"  replied  the  young  man  in  a  whin- 
ing tone  of  voice.  "'  It  nearly  kills  me  to  think  of 
my  condition.  Drunk  week  before  last,  drunk  last 
week,  drunk  this  ;  and  probably  I'll  be  drunk  next 
week  and  week  after  next." 


EMMETT1C. 


The  anniversary  of  the  birth  of  Robert  I 
"ll"'1'  Eel)  on  Sunday  last,  saya  n„   ll 

•  imbi  i  ol  ii  ■   political  demagogues,  native 
and  foreign,  and  the  more  blatant   of   the   Irish 

P '*.      an  opportunity  t ski    themselves 

ridiculous.  A  curious  creature  named  EccleBine, 
who  once  misrepresented  a  Senatorial  district  of 
this  city  in  the  State  Legislature,  earned  off  the 
prize  for  buffooner}  and  absurdity.  In  an  idiotic 
speech  he  declared  war  against  England  and  an- 
nounced that  it  was  the  duty  of  every  Irishman  in 
America  to  bring  about  hostilities  between  the  two 
nations.  He  maintained  that  this  could  be  e  isilj 
done  if  "  they  would  only  put  men  in  the  proper 
places,  as.  for  instance,  in  the  Cabinet  of  the  Presi- 
dent. Could,  anything  be  more  idiotic  '  The 
Kccli-Miie  idea  evidently  is  that  O'Donovan  Roasa 
should  be  made  Secretary  of  War;  Ecclesine  him- 
self Secretary  of  State,  while  the  Army  and  the 
Navy  should  be  turned  over  to  the  "  Inducibles  " 
who  are  pursuing  their  career  of  murder  and  assassi- 
nation in  Ireland.      This   would   lie   putting    "  the 

right  men  in  the  right  places,  "  from  the  Eccles 

point  of  view.     The  prospect  is  a  charming  one  for 
the  country. 

The  "  chaps  "  who  talk  in  this  way  are,  of  course, 
rank  impostors.  These  appeals  to  their  ignorant 
following  are  made  solely  for  the  purpose  of  obtain- 
ing either  office  or  money.  If  the  "liberation"  of 
Ireland,  as  it  is  called,  were  to  depend  to-morrow 
upon  any  one  of  them  running  the  least  risk  of 
getting  shot,  every  man  of  them  would  hide  in  the 
first  cellar. 

The  fact  of  the  matter  is,  the  Irish  "  question  " 
is  becoming  nauseating  to  the  American  people. 
Irishmen  will  be  welcomed  here  if  they  will  only 
come  to  work;  but  they  must  not  make  the  United 
States  a  base  of  offensive  operations  against  a 
country  with  which  we  are  at  peace,  with  which  we 
want  to  remain  at  peace  and  with  which  we  have 
such  intimate  financial  and  commercial    relations. 


Mr.  Whistler  is  incorrigible.  He  has  just 
opened  an  exhibition  of  fifty-one  of  his  etchings  in 
London.  The  gallery  in  which  they  are  placed  is 
hung  with  golden-yellow  velvet  and  lemon-yellow 
muslin.  The  floor  is  carpeted  with  yellow  matting. 
Visitors  are  invited  to  sit  upon  settees  covered  with 
yellow  serge,  or  cane-seated  chairs  painted  canary- 
color.  The  etchings  are  in  white  frames,  and  hung 
far  apart  on  a  wall-ground  of  white  felt.  The  cata- 
logues are  printed  with  yellow  ink  on  white  paper, 
and  the  attendants  are  dressed  in  fancy  white  and 
yellow  suits.  There  are  rows  of  yellow  tiowrer-pots, 
each  containing  one  little  yellow  flower.  The  cata- 
logue is  a  veritable  encyclopiedia  of  the  unfavorable 
criticisms  passed  upon  the  artist  by  the  press. 
Altogether  the  exhibition  is  a  screaming  farce, 
although  many  of  the  etchings  are  of  decided  merit, 
and  the  gallery  presents,  with  the  black  and  other 
colored  clothes  of  Philistine  visitors,  a  dreadfully 
dismal  discord  in  dinginess — probably  just  what 
Mr.  Whistler  aimed  to  make  it. 


It  is  stated  in  the  dispatches  that  the  Bev.  Law- 
rence Walsh,  Treasurer  of  the  Irish  National  Land 
League  at  New  York  has  "cabled"  §30,000  for 
the  relief  of  the  sufferers  from  famine  in  the  west 
of  Ireland.  This  is  a  substantial  sum  ;  it  ought  to 
purchase  a  good  many  rifles  and  a  large  amount  of 
gunpowder,  some  knives,  pikes,  pistols  and  dyna- 
mite. If  these  relief  goods  can  be  kept  out  of  the 
hands  of  the  police  the  starving  peasantry  will 
have  good  reason  to  be  grateful  for  the  sufferings 
that  so  stirred  the  hearts  of  the  charitable  lime 
thousand  miles  away.  We  expect  to  hear,  how- 
ever, that  the  whole  sum  has  been  stolen  by  'In' 
patriot  to  whom  it  was  transmitted. 


SITBSCRII'.KI.'K 


Who  desire  to  keep  the  "  WASP  "  on  tile,  can  now 
again  supplied  with  Covers.    Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


Ayers  &  Son's  Manual  sives  just  the  information 
needed  to  make  a  judicious  selection  of  papers  for  any 
newspaper  advertising.  It  contains  also  many  very  ad- 
vantageous special  offers.  Sent  on  receipt  of  ten  cents. 
Address  N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son.  Advertising  Agents,  Time 
Building,  Philadelphia. 


FOR  THICK  HEADS, 

Heavy  stomachs,  bilious  conditions, —Wells'  May  Apple 
Pills— anti-bilious,  cathartic.      10  and  25c. 


SEEK 


health  and  avoid  sickness. 
Instead  of  feeling  tired  and 
worn  out,  instead  of  aches 
and  pains,  wouldn't  you 
rather  feel  fresh  and  strong? 

You  can  continue  feeling 
miserable  and  good  for  no- 
thing, and  no  one  but  y  iur- 
self  can  find  fault,  but  if  you 
are  tired  of  that  kind  oflife, 
you  can  change  it  if  you 
choose. 

How?  By  getting  one 
bottle  of  Brown'  Ikon  Bit- 
ters, and  taking  it  regularly 
according  to  directions. 


Mansfield,  Ohio,  Nov.26, 18S1. 

G  men; — I  tinvcsufrered  with 

pain  in  my  side  and  back,  and  great 
soreness  on  my  breast,  wil 
111^  pains  nil  tnrough  my  body,  at- 
tended with  great  weakness,  depres- 
sion of  spirits,  and  loss  of  appe- 
tite. I  have  taken  several  different 
medicines,  and  was  treated  by  prom- 
inent physicians  for  my  liver,  kid- 
neys, and  spleen,  but  I  got  no  relief. 
J  thought  I  would  try  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters;  [have  now  taken  one  bottle 
and  a  half  and  am  about  well — pain 
in  side  and  back  all  gone — soreness 
all  out  of  my  breast,  and  I  have  a 
good  appetite,  and  am  gaining  in 
strength  and  flesh.  Itcan  iietlybe 
called  the  king  of  tliedi .  . 

John  K,  Allender. 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters  is 
composed  of  Iron  insoluble 
form ;  Cinchona  the  great 
tonic,  together  with  other 
standard  remedies,  making 
a  remarkable  non-alcoholic 
tonic,  which  will  cure  Dys- 
pepsia, Indigestion,  Malaria, 
Weakness,  and  relieve  all 
Lung  and  Kidney  diseases. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


HE  GREAT  CURE 


T 


RHEUMATISM— 

s  it  la  for  all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 

KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  tho  system  of  the  acrid  poison 

that    causes    the  dreadful    suffering     which 

only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
riiH'K,  $1.  LIQUID  OR  BUY,  SOLD  Ii\  HIUXCISTS. 
i±-  Dry  can  be  sent  by  mail. 

WELLS,  RICHARDS  ON  &  Co    Burlins+an  Vfc 


KIDNEY-WORLT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY 

Is    1       ruin  CUM  fur  NHKVOUS  DKHTUTy, 

L'tvl     \|  iM P.   :ii].-l  ..ll   (lie  evil  effectd  or 

jiiudid))  IbllU'H  nod  expenses. 

UK.  ailMIK,  who  is  n  regular  pbynlelaa, 
grflduftle  ofiln?  !riiiver.=  iiy  01  Feniitvti'BDin, 
Hill  hi; rce  tofun'oit  Kivc  llu.nir."!  p.ijlnr*  (oi 
iiCftxoorthc  km. I  [he  VITAL  KLSTilltATIY* 

1  1. r  Ms  special  advice  And  [rentme  >■)  nil, 

nni  cure.  Price,  Sil  ft  bottle;  four  times  the 
niianUly.  S10.  Sent  to  :.nj-  address,  confi. 
DRNTI1LLY.    t.v    A.    E     MINTIK.    M.  I'..  No.    II 

Kearnr  Street,  S.  F.     Send  f«r  pamphlet. 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  tfBBE  will  be  sent  W 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  utaUng  sTrnptom*. 
■ex  nod  iiso.  Strict  lecrec?  in  »ll  trabsoctinna 


14 


THE    WASP. 


RELIGIOUS    INTELLIGENCE. 


An  English  bishop  querulously  remarked  to  hia 
servant  that  he  was  dying.  "  Well,  my  lord,  " 
said  the  good  fellow,  "you  are  going  to  a  better 
place.  "  "John,  "  replied  the  prelate,  with  an  air 
of  conviction,  "there  is  no  place  like  old  England." 


An  antiquated  preacher  of  the  Free  Kirk  of 
Scotland,  in  a  sermon  referring  to  the  introduction 
of  an  organ  into  a  neighboring  Established  church 
declared  that  * '  soon  they  would  get  a  concert  every 
Sabbath  in  the  old  kirk.  The  devil  would  have  his 
bandmaster  there  to  discourse  music  to  them  on  the 
organ,  and  the  captain,  like  a  cursed  pirate,  would 
hoist  his  false  colors  to  lure  souls  to  destruction  !  " 


Little  Arthur  had  been  to  church.  "How  did 
you  like  the  sermon  ?"  asked  his  sister.  "  Pretty 
well,  "  responded  the  youthful  critic.  "The  be- 
ginning was  very  good  and  so  was  the  end,  but  it 
had  too  much  middle.  " 


This  is  the  greeting  which  a  Texas  paper  extends 
to  a  new  pastor:  "The  Rev.  Mr.  Glass,  the 
preacher  for  the  ensuing  year,  has  come.  He  has 
pretty  good  clothes,  doubtless  purchased  with 
means  saved  by  systematic  starvation  from  his 
salary  of  last  year,  for  he  looks  a  little  lank.  It  is, 
perhaps,  quite  proper  that  the  '  world,  '  and  especi- 
ally his  church  members,  should  take  his  good 
clothes  into  consideration  and  deadbeat  the  Lord 
this  year.  There  is  nothing  more  to  be  appreciated 
than  (  free  religion. '  " 


A  New  Jersey  widow  is  said  to  have  changed 
her  religion  because  she  wished  to  avoid  meeting 
her  husband  in  the  next  world. 


It  is  said  that  a  minister  in  a  country  kirk  in 
Scotland  stopped  in  the  course  of  his  sermon  to 
ask  a  member  who  was  somewhat  deaf :  "  Are  ye 
hearing,  John?"  "  Oh,  aye,  "  was  the  response, 
"  I  am  hearing,  but  to  verra  little  purpose.  " 

A  parson  in  Philadelphia  publishes  a  marriage 
notice  with  this  addition  :  "No  fee  for  the  minis- 
ter.    Empty  envelope  dodge.  " 


SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Puritier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  $1  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 

On  the  last  page  of  the  cover  of  the  Wasp  will  be  found 
an  advertisement  of  San  Leandro  Village  Carts.  They 
are  said  to  be  among  the  best  and  most  popular  of  these 
convenient  and  fashionable  turnouts,  and  we  invite  atten- 
tion to  the  card  aforesaid.  The  advertisement  will  occupy 
the  same  place  from  week  to  week,  but  the  cuts  and  mat- 
ter will  be  changed  each  issue  until  all  the  styles  made 
are  presented. 

*  Women  are  rapidly  finding  places  in  the  learned  pro- 
fessions and  the  more  lucrative  occupations  from  which 
they  were  formerly  excluded.  Many  are  graduating  in 
medicine.  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pinkham,  of  Lynn,  Mass.,  is  a 
minister  of  health  to  thousands  who  may  never  touch  the 
hem  of  her  garment  or  behold  the  genial  light  of  her  mod* 
est  countenance. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace* 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

"HOUGH  ON  COPvNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "  Rough  on  Corns."  15c.  Quick  ;  com- 
plete ;  permanent  cure.     Corns,  warts,  bunions. 


When  you  feel  out  of  sorts,  have  the  blues,  melancholy, 
etc.,  it  must  be  indigestion  that  ails  you.  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters  cures  it. 

DENTISTRY. 
C.  ().  Dean,  D.  D.  S. ,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


"  Yes,  brethren,  "  said  a  preacher  from  his  pul- 
pit, "  you  are  the  passengers  on  a  train  speeding 
its  straight  and  narrow  way  to  glory  and  I  am  the 
conductor  of  that  train,  thank  the  Lord.  "  "  You 
run  her  first-class,  I  should  say,  "  remarked  a 
stranger,  looking  over  the  congregation,  "from 
the  number  of  sleepers  you're  hauling.  " 

The  Evangelist  accuses  Presbyterian  diners  at 
Cape  May  of  bad  manners.  The  moment  the  din- 
ner signal  was  given  the  hungry  Presbyterians 
"  poured  in  with  a  rush,  many  even  leaping  through 
the  windows.  "  This  recalls  the  classic  remark  : 
"  Them  pious  eats  awful  !  " 


"When,  "  asked  the  superintendent,  fixing  his 
eye  on  the  teacher  of  the  young  ladies'  Bible  class, 
' l  when  does  man  most  keenly  and  fully  and  con- 
scientiously rocognize  and  realize  his  own  utter 
nothingness  ?  "  And  the  young  man,  who  led  him- 
self to  the  altar  only  two  short  weeks  ago,  blushed 
painfully  and  said,  with  faltering  voice  :  "  When 
he's  being  married.  " 


HU      CELEBRATED       "^ 


BlTTERs 


Invalids  who  are  recover- 
ing vital  stamina,  declare  in 
grateful  terms  their  appreci- 
ation of  the  merits  as  a  tonic, 
of  Hostetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters. Not  only  does  it  im- 
part strength  to  the  weak, 
but  it  also  corrects  an  irreg- 
ular acid  state  of  the  stom- 
ach, makes  the  bowels  act  at 
proper  intervals,  gives  ease 
to  those  who  suffer  from  rheu- 
matic and  kidney  troubles, 
and  conquers  as  well  as  pre- 
vents fever  and  ague. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


SAN  FRANCISCO  ADVERTISING  AGENCY 
Established    is:o. 

A.   MACSORLEY  &  CO., 
3061  Jessie  St.,    Distributors, 

Respectfully  solicit    your  orders  for  the 
distribution   of  advertisements. 
Large  experience.  Excellent  references. 

B3T  Call  or  address  postal  card. 


In  a  Virginia  church,  while  a  preacher  was  de- 
livering a  sermon  on  the  "Prodigal  Son,"  a  young 
man  in  the  congregation  jumped  up,  and  pulling 
out  his  six-shooter  shouted,  "I  will  not  stand 
these  reflections  on  me.  "  He  threatened  to  shoot 
the  parson  if  he  continued  his  remark,  and  pious 
members  had  to  take  the  young  man  in  hand  and 
lead  him  gently  to  the  door. 


Prince  Krapotkine,  while  staying  in  Geneva, 
observed  that  wherever  he  went  he  was  followed  by 
a  spy. 

His  mind  was  soon  made  up  as  to  his  course  of 
action,  and  upon  the  first  opportunity  that  pre- 
sented itself  he  walked  up  to  his  man  and  dealt 
him  a  whack  on  the  side  of  the  head  that  almost 
killed  him. 

"  Here,  my  friend,  "  the  nihilist  prince  went  on, 
putting  a  louis  into  his  hand,  "  if  you  make  an  out- 
cry this  is  the  maximum  amount  that  I  shall  be 
fined.  You  may  as  well  have  the  money  as  the 
public  treasury.  Take  it  !  And  whenever  you 
want  a  louis  come  to  me." 


PEHNYROYALPILLSrnJ^g^^a'f: 

The Cascara Mfg  Co.  2313  Madison  Square,  Phlla,  Fa 


FREE 


Send   for   the    "HEALTH    HELPER" 

if  you  want  perfect  health.     H.  H.  Box  104 
■  Buffalo,  N.  Y. 


A  BOON  TO  WOMEN ! 

PAINLESS    CHILDBIRTH  :         $ECO.\l»    EDITION. 

Giving  COMPLETE  INSTRUCTIONS  how  the  pains, 
perils,  difficulties  and  dangers  of  childbirth  can  be  avoided. 
Enlarged  to  3  pages  by  the  addition  of  a  chapter  on 
"  Diseases  of  Women,"  with  complete  directions,  pre- 
scriptions, etc.,  for  home  management  in  plain  language. 
A  SAFE  GUIDE  for  the  sex.  Every  lady  should  have  a 
copy.  Prepaid,  81.50.  Agents  wanted.  Exclusive  terri- 
tory.   Address  the  author,  Dr.  J.  H.  DYE,  Buffalo,  N.  Y. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

COMPOUND  EXTRCTS 

—  OF  — 

Cubebs    and   Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bining in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  Foe  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


ALL. 


IE  to  introduce 
ing  Illustrated  Paper  en- 
YOUTH  into  thoueande  ot 
hero  it  is  not  already  taken, 
make  the  following  unprecedented 
Upon  receipt  of  only  Forty- Eight 
CtS.  in  postage  stamps,  we  will  send  YOUTH 
SIX  Months*  a,lli  t°  every  subscriber  we 
will  send,  absolutely  free,  and  postpaid,  the 
following  articles:  1  Beautiful  Silver- Plated 
Butter-Knife,  1  Elegant  Silver-Plated  Su- 
gar-Spoon, 1  Superb  Silver-Plated  Salt- 
spoon,  1  Attractive  Silver-Plated  Mustard- 
Spoon.  AH  these  goods  are  warranted  iust  as  rep- 
resented. We  offer  no  cheap  or  trashy  articles 
Remember,  al".  these  useful  poods  arc  given  FREE 
—  you  merely  pav  for  the  paper.  This  great  offer  is 
made  simply  t>>  introduce  the  paper  into  new  homes. 
Take  advantage  of  it  NOW— at  once.  We  guaran- 
tee every  one  Three  Tivir.s  the  Value  of  Money 
sent.'  If  you  are  not  more  than  satisfied,  we  will 
cheerfully  refund  the  amount.  If  you  do  not  care 
for  all  four  of  the  articles,  we  will  tend  any  one 

Jou  may  select  and  the  paper  for  three  months 
or  only  24  CtS.f  <>r  any  tWO  articles  you  may 
select  and  the  paper  for  36  CtS.  YOUTH  is  a 
ItirKc,  ^'-column.  Illustrated,  Kiunilv  Sturv-I'apiT. 
filled  with  charming  Stnries,  Sketches,  Household 
Notes,  Puzzles,  etc.,  in  fact  ct-crythingto amuse  and 
instruct  the  family  circle.    Address 

70UTH  PUB'Q  CO.,  20  Doane  St.,  Boston,  Mm 


AND 


CALIFORNIA  SAFE    DEPOSIT 
TRUST  COMPANY. 

::.'<;     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 

Sim  FrniielKco,  <  al. 

CAPITAL,  -        , $'.>,000,(M>0. 

DIRECTORS: 

J.  D.  FRY,  G.  L.  BRADLEY, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT,  JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  H.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TEVIS,  CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADSWORTH,  I.  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

J.  D.    FKY PreHldt'Ut 

£.   K.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Treasurer 

WM.  CUNNINGHAM Secretory 

Interest  allowed  <>■■  deposits  OcpoHlts  received 
subject  to  check  or  draft,  at  -iulii.  Certlllcutc»  of  de- 
posit issued.     Loans  made  on  collateral  security. 

The  Safe  Deposit  Vaults,  containing  4CUU  safes  of  different 
sines,  with  rental  from  £2  to  §20  per  month,  or  from  §12  to  8200 
per  year,  according  to  size  and  location,  offer  the  most  absolute  se- 
curity to  the  property  of  renters,  who  have  entire  control  of  the 
the  safes  they  rent,  under  the  regulations  of  the  Company,  which 
have  been  carefully  made,  to  ensure  security  and  to  facilitate  the 
business  of  patrons.  Silverware,  jewelry,  trunks  of  valuable  arti- 
cles, bullion,  coin.'books  and  papers  of  mercantile  houses,  (ledgers 
which  will  be  received  or  delivered  at  any  time  during  the  day  or 
night,) and  personal  property  of  all  kinds  received  for  safe  keeping. 
This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals'  for  the  care  of  securities,  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collectiu..  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  collections  and  remit- 
tances, buy  and  sell  Securities,  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money, 
Exchange,  etc.  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 
Will  act  as  Executor  and  Administrator  of  Estates,  Guardian  of 
minors,  and  pay  annuities,  etc. 

Non-residents  and  persons  unable  to  attend  to  their  financial 
matters  personally,  will  have  their  interests  looked  after  with  the 
utmost  care. 

The  Capital  of  the  Company,  and  its  superior  facilities  for  the 
transaction  of  business,  give  guarantee  of  security,  promptness 
and  care  that  cannot  be  expected  of  individual  agents. 

The  establishment  of  a  reliable  Trust  Company  will  meet  a  re- 
quirement, the  necessity  of  which  has  long  been  felt  in  this  com- 
nity. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbklino  Beob Proprietors  and  Managers 

Last  week  and  great  success  of  Wallace's 
beautiful  English  opera,  in  4  acts, 

Monday  Evening,  March  ^6th— MANOLA. 

German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY, 


MARCH  25th, 


Reappearance  of  the  old  favorite  FERDINAND 

URBAN.       For  the  first  time    Fritz 

Reuter's    sparkling  comedy, 

DIE    DREI    LANGHAENSE. 

F.  Urban,  -  -  as  -  -  "  Zwippel." 
To  conclude  with  the  one-act  opretta, 

EIN  ALTER  POSTILLON. 
"  Peter,"       -       -       -       F.  Urban. 


/ 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steamer  of  thitt  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
Winn,  S;»n  Francisco,  for  port*  in  California,  Ore- 
gon, Washington  and  Idaho  Territories,  British 
Columbia  and  Alaska,  oh  follows  : 

(a  1 1  Tom  In  Southern  CoiMfl  Boute.-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  AWCON  Bat]  everj  five  days  at  9  a.m.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  .Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angelea  mid  San  Diego,  as  follows: 
ORIZABA,  loth,  "jmii  und  :mh  of  v,x.-n  month.  ANCON,  5th,  16th 
and  SGth  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  Los  ANGELES  sails  everj 
Wednesday  at  8  a.  m.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey.  Sin  Simeon,  Cay- 
acoe,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

Br.il-li  4  nltmiitia  ami  Altuko  Koult.  -  Steamship 
EUREKA,  carrying  U.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Tort  Townsend,  W.  T.,  Vic- 
toria,  and  Nanairao,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  Harrishurg, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  I'ort  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  and  Puget  Sound  Route.— The  StcamensGEO.  \V. 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Brittink-Majestv'sand  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  2  p,  m. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Taeonia,  Steilacoom  and  Olvnipia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  -Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Vale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.  M.  on  the  9th,  19th  and  '29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  a.  h.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
flTote.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Franei«co  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alt  a  or  Gl'ide. 

Portland,  Oregon.  Route.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Express,  every  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A.  m.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  Humboldt  Bay  R on te.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Ron  te.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Ituss  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  ......  igse 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

94  5     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H . 

Prices  30  per  cent.  Lower  tlian  any  other  House  on 

the    Coast. 

m-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "®» 

BILLIABDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM  NOISE  -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHN  CREAIIAN, Continental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDEJL  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
§1  per  doz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.  ap-14 

Morris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  'di   Fost  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland.    Alameda.    Newark,    San     Jose,    Los   G&tORi 
Glsliwood,  Fellon  and  Mania  Cnu. 

PICTURESQUE  BCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  I!IO  TREES 
■■-  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Mooters]  Bay.  Forty  milus  Hhorter  tc 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  am  other  route.  No  change  o(  cars  ;  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  bed  flrst-clas*.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street.  BOOTH  BIDS,  at 

8. Of!  A.  U.,  dolly,  West  San  I.oren/o.  West  San  Leandro,  Rua- 
■  UU  -.Us.  Mt.  Eden.  Alvarado,  Balls,  Newark,  Centorviue, 
Howrys,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE.  I.o<  Oatos, 
Alma.  Wrights,  Highland,  Olenwood,  DouL'hertvs,  Eelton  Bi^Tree* 
and  SANTA  ORU2,  arriving  12  M. 

2 .QA  ''   M--  lVlilv  Express  :  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado.  Newark,  Cen- 
■  OU  terville,  Alviso.  Agaews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  and  Los 
Gatos.     Through  In  S  IMA  <  Kl  VI,  ever)  Saturday. 

4,Qfl  ''•  JI-  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE  and  intcrmedi 
.01}  at,  stations. 
nil  Sundays,  A  Special  Passenger  Train 
Ull  leaves  San  Jose  at. r.:15  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:35. 
<|JC  EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  S3.S0  TO  SAN 
\Dw  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAND     nil    .ALAMEDA. 

§6:S0-7:30-S:3O-9:30— 10:30-11:30  A.  M.  1112:30-1:30-2:30- 
3:30—4:30—5:30—6:30—7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets.  Oakland— §5:57 
—§6:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52-10:52— nil  :52  A.  M.  12:62—1:62—2:62 
—3:52— 4:52— 5:52— f>:52— 10:20  P.  M. 

From  Huh  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:35— 9:36 
-10:35—1111:35  A.  M.  12:35-1:35-2:35-3:35-4:35—5:35—6:36 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§Daily,  Sundays  excepted.     U  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  bloeks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET.  Telegraph  anil  Transfer  offices  222  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park  Btreet,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 

Citizens'  las.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRAN0IS0O,  0AL. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elmwood,    tilenwocd,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 


DON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  aa 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


I  have  a  punitive  re. 
medy  for  the  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Its  one  thous- 
ands ol  cases  of  tho 
w„rst  kind  rind  of  Jodr  Htnndlnp  hnvo  lioen  riirod.  Indeed,  s"  stioriK 
iB  my  faith  In  its  officii.1  v,  Unit  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FKEE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  on  thin  disease,  to  any  Buffer, 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  addroue  DR.T.  A.  SLOCU11, 181  Pearl  St.,  M.Y. 


CONSUMPTION 


■  AFIITO  can    novf   grasp  n   fortune,     Out- 
All  til  I  U  l™"1™  ?J2  ".'T,,    Address  £.  Q 


t  HIDEOUT  4  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.  7. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AND 

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co, 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE   AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OP  RIVER 
and  Rail  Tnnspormtlon   penetrate  .ill  ».<  tknu  •  •(  '!. 
Northwest,  and  form  direct  routee  *l 

I'M  llio  Colombia    To  the  Dallos,  Umatilla,  Pendleton,  Walla 

Walla,  hay  ton,  the  Palousc  Country,  Snake  River  PoSntB,  xod 
LcwiHton  ; 

Up  the  IV  ml  il*Orrlll«>  IMv  l*ton  -To  Ainnworth,  Cheney, 
Bprague,  Spokane  Falls,  Lake  Pend  d'Qreille,  and  all  points  In 
Northern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

lip  the  Willamette  VaOej  To  Oregon  City,  Salem,  and 
the  beautiful  country  of  Southern  i  iregon  . 

Down  thr  CoIomblA  -Through  the  most  pictureBOTie'scene- 
ry  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points. 

Over  ti>  Pucefl  Sound  -To  Twoma,  01>Tnpla, 'Seattle,  Port 
Townsend,  Victoria  and  Belinehani  Raj  -n  section  unrivaled  tor 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prospects. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dully  Stages  connect  with  train-  on  Clark's ;Foik  Division, 
direct  for  MIhbouIu  and  a))  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon, 
Suit  I  I'iiiicis.o  ollici-  -'H4   ll«»iiiLi'iimi'\  St. 

)863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES F 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  EETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of   defective   visioD 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOUES'  NOTICE.^! 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

...  AGENTS    FOR.... 

Spreckels'  Line  or  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327   Market  Street, 

Comer  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


TRAPPING       CANARIES. 


ry  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES  "---^^iT- 


^■"J'L...-  ALLE*  *  QUtTEB, 


Fragrant  and  Sweet 


Wmiufhi-lnDTK.    Richmond.     Vi 


|IIC01A|llfE7iAlESi 


I 


■      Men's  and  Boys' 
i  Ready  Made  Chthing. 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurtn^t  SentFree 


I 


POPULAR    STYLES 


Ken's    Furnishing     Goods.! 


NEW 
ENGLAND 
BAKING 
POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Carb.  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Mob  Bra.  Ho. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


AN 
Extraordinary     Razor 

fcTAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
H-  OWtTco.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
s  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
WURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  sotting.  It 
^ndes  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
(having  Quito  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
(rREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
Experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle;  S3  in  ivory, 
e-very  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
Se™e  side  thc  nam(!  of  NATHAir  JOSEPH, 
341  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
.he  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
iuppned ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Qneen'a  Own  Company  having  en- 
Jirged  their  factor}-,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
UilVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
£?  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
ttAZOR. 


T^ANICHEFTT1 

-L-r  Kid  Gloves  J- 

ALVVAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Gear;-  and  Post San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

3.   B.    SPEECKELS    &    BBO'S, 
Cf'.'T    Market    Street, 

OWNEES  OF 

Spreckels'Line   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


L/UKtb    Oatarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs   Colds    AflW> 

IT  1  £*  ,?rChial  TU^S  and  ^ImoSy  0  gansAS  "- 
eases  of  he  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause 

DEPOT.     4.5    MWtlB,    STHF.ET.  For  sa.c  by  all  ., .... 


And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
I^Al1^11^!^!*'  ^au  Francisco, 


B 


*»■  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAtJSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BBEWEEY 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY    4     YUNG, 
No.    051    SACRAMENTO    STBEET. 

First  Houso  below  Kearny.       Sa.v  Fiiakcisoo. 

"JESSE  MOORE 


S  K  E  Y. 


upenor    in 


QUALITY. 


KOIILER  A  CHASE,  ISJ  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

DeckerBro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
FISCHEB  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
liotise  nn  (foe  Coast. 


H.  R,  Williar,  Jr. 


A.  Carlislh. 


A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIrORNlA    STRiET, 

San    Francisco 


[MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  II.   Moore, 

O  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

ii.  it.  Hum. 

San  Francisco. 


Prektibs  Selbv,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Underuill,  Jr.,  Scc'y. 

Selby    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS  OP  

Lead  Pipe,  s  lect  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Tig  Lend,  Solder,  Anti-Friction  Metal   Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -  San    Francisco. 

Refiiiera  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  tan rant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery  - 

4  17    Pine    Street 

Bet   Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Capital  Paid  ITp      .     .       S3.ooo.ooo 
Keservc  Ii.  S.  Bonds    .       .     4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers.  Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion.  6 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLB   AGENTS   KOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY. 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

WHITE    JROSE    FLOTJIR 
lllMltilllill)    BY    T1IE 
Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

£5T  Sec  local  notice  in  another  column, 


I&-01.P       KENTUCKY       WTJIiSJSLE-g-.-ggl 


$©>»  c  i  m:  in  o  ivr>»s 


DNnilUIIIUIIIllllinirlHIIUIIIIIIIIU1 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 
In  tJie  World. 
ASK  YOUR. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


»"DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. "«S 


PianoS 


Ohicfeering&  SonB, Boston;  Blutbner.Letpzigj 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  Q.  Schwechten* 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St. 

NEAB  MARKET,  8aN  FRANOISOO. 


J.  J.  Palmkr. 


Valkntikk  Rky. 


P,ALMER  &  REY, 

ImportcrsofPrlnllngand  EH  hographing 

IPIRIESSIES 

c  ,         *  AnQ,      Material. 

bole  amenta  ior  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wnrerooms.  405&  407  SansomeSkS.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

BDOOESBOBS    TO 

Craig  and  Son, 
UNDERTAKERS 

And    EMBA1MERS, 
22  &  26  MINTAVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


o 

o 


o 

W 

• 

m 

o 

W 
w 

W 
o 

a 

w 
w 

o 

w 

Btrl 

&  o 

CD    H 

£  > 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


*sr  HARDWOOD   L U M B E R.-.-Ws,. Stesr^T^Sl 


CO 
ISO 

en 

W 

CD 

r-r- 

CD 
CD 


1*9    to    147    SPEAB    STBLET,    SAM    KEANCIISIO. 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,8u%, 


PRICE'S  SAN  Li;V\DEO   VILLAGE   CARTS. 

(Piano-Box   Style.) 

Tbe  above  is  a  very  poor  representation  of  a  very 
handsome  and  useful  style  of  my  villag-e  parts.  It  is  a 
bustnses  and  pleasure  vehicle  combined,  and  while  it 
has  all  the  advantages  of  the  Phaeton  style,  as  to  free- 
dom from  the  bobbing  motioD,  ease  of  riding'  and  pro- 
vision for  keeping  the  body  level,  it  is  much  better  ad- 
apted to  carryingpackages  of  any  kind,  being,  in  fact, 
the  same  in  that  respect  as  a  piano-box  buggy.  Its 
appearance,  with  either  one  or  two  horses  attached,  ie 
very  handsome  and  satisfactory,  and  it  fills  the  eye  of 
a  man  critical  in  such  matters  in  a  way  that  the  carts 
of  no  other  maker  will.  Its  riding  qualities  are  supe- 
rior to  those  of  the  best  buggy — its  long,  easy,  pecu- 
liarly hung  springs givingit  a  smooth,  floating  motion 
that  is  delightful.  This  may  seem  to  be  strong  lan- 
guage but  a  ride  of  a  half  mile  in  one  of  these  carts 
will  convince  anyone  that  tbe  matter  is  not  overstated. 
These  are  the  only  cartsmade  that  are  entirely  free 
from  tbe  jogging  or  nobbing  motion  of  the 
horse  and  which  can  be  leveled  to  suit  a  large  or 
small  animal. 

They  are  sold  contingent  upon  sustaining  the  above 
statements.  Send  for  illustrated  catalogue,  giving 
prices  and  different  styles,  or  call  and  examine  them. 

43T  Prices  from  S90  to  &50 

Jacob  Price,  San  Leandro,  Cal., 
Inventor  and  Manufacturer. 

TKl  1U\.  ISIIVM   A  CO., 

511  Market  St.,  San  Francisco,  Cal.,  agents. 

N.  B.  The  Carts  can  be  Seen  AND  TRIED  at 
either  place. 


Throat, 


Catarrh 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTIO  N. 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


I  For  Coughs,  Colds, 
jWhcopicg  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    HASSMER,    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  9.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and      Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

lis    SUTTER    STREET, Son  Franciseo,  Cal, 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250,000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 
SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 

D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wh.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  "W.  Caepenteh,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSUBANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Capt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Franeittco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSE,  Secy.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Past  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE  and  ~5^^^'   MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAM  FRANCISCO. 

Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Viee-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor.  


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

ol  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


)  )  J  BROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Fine  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brac  repaired,  212  O'Farrcil  Street,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 

Rollin  P.  Saxe, 

218  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,   CAL 
Importer,  Breeder,  Exporter  and  Commission  Merchant  in  all  kinds  of 

Live   Stock. 


Berkshire  Swine  a  specialty.  Correspondence  solicited. 


*3^*       J^t         ^,       ^V 


?A 


VOL.  X.        SAN    FRANCISCO,  MARCH  31,  1883.        No.   348. 


Z\J 


I E  O  E  D  E  R  E  R 

Champagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from  Mr.   Lonl*  Roederer,  Reims,  over  hin  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.!    Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACON  DRAY  &  CO.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Paciflc  Coast. 


REAKFAST 
UTS 

Lunch 

Go.  to  the 

w    England 
ITCHEN. 

522 

illlfornln  St. 


'HE  CELEBRATED 

AMPACNE  WINES 


ILds.  Deutz  4  Gbldbrmasn  Ay,  en  Champagne. 

I  I  CACHET    BLANC- Extra    Dry* 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN      SEAL, 
In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

KDEAIX    BED   AND  WHITE  WINES, 

if  In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     «l\l>, 
e    lease*  from  G.  if.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

nrles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
>    Bit       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


a 


iBEELAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PROPRTJETOBB. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 
AOLLEGE. 


LU32Q 


Post 
Street 


5,F 


^SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS   | 


Leopold  Bro's 
LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Bashets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


s 

MONT'V 

Street. 


LOtographer. 


LEN  WTGARY&CO, 

....■WHOLESALE.... 

IOJOR    MERCHANTS, 

12  and  324  FROST  STREET, 
kNfRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


B  OPIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

+ii  ping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

i  0    and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO 

:CR/iENTO,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,    Etc., 
Til    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT     IKH.I  1M>     GIN, 

FRENCH      BRANDIES. 

PORT,     MII.RR1,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    2,     San    Franclseo 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE    BY    ALL    DRUGGISTS. 


James  Soea.         A.  Bocqurraz.         R.   McKee. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Pine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaekson    Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTI  N     &    Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  DealerB. 
"  MILTON    J.    ILARDV," 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "  MILLER'S    EXTRA " 

Old    Bourbon    Whiskies. 
408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


S  O  H  L  I  T  Z  " 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHARDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.   W.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO   Streets.    San   Francisco. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonie  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUAN3E,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


ni-A.Non^aze^on  ^ros 


First  Class,   1 
Medium  Price,  A 

FULL    VALUE     II 

FOB    TOUR   MONEY  \J 


HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
A.JM.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  &  Go's 

(°BUDWEISER  BEER;) 

"WHOLESALE  DEALEES  IN 


Diper  Heidsieoli 

r     CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

314  California  St.,  Han  FraneUco.  CoL 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

C.     Z  I  N"  1ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  street  (Masonic  Temple). 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  lor  extroetinn  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE      REMOVED     TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    0,     8    and      10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Dr.  CI1A.S    U.    DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


<-gJN    FRAN  5TJSS^~ 

FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


House  worth's 

Photographs 

The  Highest  Stantlard  of  Exeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

trJ 

H 

I 

E- 

m 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


~"a^"  Received  *  awards'  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  '  SOCIETY ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  Tor  the  Best  Work- 
manship. 


f  MEUSSDORFFERS  HATS  ARE  '•THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CflRMflNY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealer* 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


S  AULM  ANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon. 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco 
Fresn  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS.  German 
Sausages.  A.  REtTSCBIE. 

CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY  JIONOrOLE  <extra), 

I,.  ltoi.I»!:i!51c  <»wectaii<l  dry), 
jioet  a  <  11  liniiN, 
VEIIVE    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
43"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
t'llAS.  J.  HOMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 

FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to3  p.  M.    (Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Kits.  114  and  IIC  Market  street. 
N»s.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MA1DOXALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

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ill  hi  ■;;.-,  Spear  St.,  318  to 22G  Stuart  st. 

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HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOFIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


W otters  Brothers&Co 
Importers  and  Dealers  in 

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221  California  Street,  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Dakbri.  Henry  Casanova 

F  .    D  ANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

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27  and  29  California  street, 

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THE         FINANCIAL         DELUGE 


THE     WAS'J 


NORTH     AND    SOUTH. 


From  the  German  after  I.    Willomitzer. 


Catherine  II.  stood  at  the  window,  full  of  annoy- 
ance, her  glance  roaming  over  the  broad  and  mighty 
Neva.  The  Empress  was  still  beautiful.  The 
charm  of  her  blue  eyes  was  still  potent.  Her  regal 
carriage  still  revealed  her  proud  might,  but  ill  hu- 
mor and  discomfort  were  expressed  in  her  features. 

Sergius  SaltikofT,  Stanislaus  Poniatowsky,  Gregor 
OrlofF,  Gregor  Potemkin — those  and  similar  recol- 
lections flitted  through  her  memory  and  made  her 
sullen  and  despondent.  Suddenly.the  door  opened 
and  a  coarse,  unkempt  servant  entered. 

"  The  Italian  painter  whom  thou  hast  sent  for 
is  here,"  growled  he. 

"  Ah,  Vecellio  Titiano  !  "  cried  the  Empress. 
"  He  is  welcome.1 

The  Italian  entered.  He  was  a  handsome  man. 
The  fire  of  the  southerner  shone  out  of  that  artist 
head,  but  the  northern  cold  had  caused  a  bluish 
hue  to  settle  upon  his  nobly  formed  face.  Chilled, 
the  graceful  proportions  of  his  limbs  trembled. 
Behind  him  the  unwilling  servant  dragged  divers 
painter's  tools. 

"  Be  graciously  saluted,  my  dear  Titian/'  said 
the  Empress.      "  How  like  you  St.  Petersburg  '?  " 

"  Maladetto  !  "  answered  the  artist,  savagely 
rubbing  his  hands. 

"  Ah,  I  understand.  You  find  it  cold  here. 
Well,  you'll  soon  become  accustomed  to  that. 
You've  brought  your  things  along  to  paint  my  por- 
trait ?  That's  good  !  Allons.  Would  you  paint 
me  en  face  or  en  profit  ? 

"  That  is  a  matter  of  the  greatest  indifference  to 
me,"   replied  Titian,  dryly. 

"  How  naughty  yon  are  !  "  pouted  Catherine. 
She  regarded  him  with  visibly  increasing  interest. 
"To  be  sure,"  she  sighed,  "  so  famous  a  master, 
and  so  handsome  a  man  as  yourself,  has  the  right 
to  be  naughty.  So  then,  paint  my  portrait  en 
face." 

He  made  the  necessary  preparations.  Then  he 
sat  down  and  scrutinized  the  features  of  the  Em- 
press. The  longer  he  gazed  the  more  strangely  he 
felt.  Catherine  was  similarly  affected.  Motion- 
less like  two  marble  statues  they  sat  opposite  to 
each  other  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  with  nothing 
but  their  ardent  glances  glowing  into  each  other. 
Suddenly  Titian  arose ;  rapidly  he  approached  the 
Empress,  bent  his  knee  and  groaned  : 

"  Maladetto  !  " 

"  What  have  you  ?  "  inquired  the  Semiramis  of 
the  north. 

"  0,  those  eyes  !  "  exclaimed  the  painter  in 
wild  ecstasy.  "  Those  blue  wonders  !  I  have 
never  seen  similar  !  Those  eyes  tear  at  my  heart 
and  till  my  soul  with  a  sweet  glow  !  " 

"  You  are  bold,"  replied  Catherine,  rising. 
"  However  "  she  continued,  "  upon  the  bold,  for- 
tune smiles.  We  will  see.  Would  you  be  pleased 
to  remain  in  St.  Petersburg  ?  " 

Impatiently  Titian  shook  his  head.  "  Here  be- 
neath this  gray  misery  of  a  sky  !  In  this  sad, 
frosty,  colorless  world  ?     Never  !  " 

Again  they  looked  upon  each  other,  silently  and 
long. 

''Remain/1  suddenly  cried  the  Empress  with 
softened  voice.  "  I  shall  be  the  sun  which  will  fill 
this  frosty,  colorless  world  with  genial  warmth  and 
glowing  tints.  1  will  give  you  the  Orloff  Diamond 
— which  weighs  194£  carats,  for  which  I  have  paid 
500,000  rubles.     I  will " 

"  Impossible  !  "  interrupted  Titian.  "I  must 
go  back  to  Italy,  whither  my  soul  draws  me  with 
irresistible  power.  Even  could  I  for  your  sake," 
continued  he.  with  trembling  voice,  "  conquer  the 
longing  for  my  home,  it  were  yet  impossible,  for  I 
am  bound  by  my  word  of  honor.  I  promised  the 
Venetian  Council,  years  ago,  that  I  would  paint  for 
them  the  'Battle  of  Cadore.'  I  have  begun  the 
portraits  of  my  friends,  Alfonso  di  Ferrara,  Ari- 
osto,  Pietro  Aretino  and  those  of  others.  I  have 
promised  to  paint  the  portrait  of  the  Holy  Father. 
In  short,  I  am  bound  by  numerous  obligations 
which  I  cannot  ignore." 

Catherine  turned  away  in  order  to  hide  a  tear. 
"  So,"  she  said  sorrowfully,  "so  then  you  have 
pronounced  your  own  sentence  and  mine.  Destiny 
towers  between  us — we  may  never  belong  to  each 
other  !  " 

"  And  still, "  exclaimed  Titian  passionately, 
"  still  there  is  a  way  how  we  could  be  united,  an 
outlet  which  would  give  for  us  mutually  that  which 
despite  our  fame  has  been  hitherto  denied  to  us — 
happiness.     Ah,    Catherine,   you   may   well    look 


with  questioning  eyes,  but  in  your  features  also,  it 
is  written  that  you  are  not  happy.  You  cannot  be 
happy  in  this  world  full  of  lies  and  deception. 
With  your  great,  proud  soul  you  cannot  be  happy 
amidst  such  unworthy  surroundings.  By  the  side 
of  this  Potemkin,  who  holds  thee  enshrined  with 
his  demoniac  spell,  who  heaps  crime  upon  crime  in 
thy  name,  thou  canst  not  be  happy.  O  Catherine, 
I  pray  thee,  I  conjure  thee,  fly  with  me  !  Fly 
with  me  to  that  heavenly  land,  to  Italy.  See 
those  enchanting  cities,  Venezia,  Roma,  Napoli  ! 
Fly  with  me  and  the  happiness  which  thou  hast 
hitherto  longed  for  in  vain  will  unfold  itself  to 
thee  in  richest  abundance.  Throw  this  crown 
away,  for  my  art  is  rich  and  powerful  enough  to 
satisfy  thy  ambitious  desire  for  fame  !  Thy  like- 
ness, its  charms  transfigured  into  the  ideal  of  the 
Goddess  of  Beauty,  shall  become  the  heirloom  of 
countless  generations.  O  Catherine,  Catherine, 
fly  with  me  !  " 

The  Empress  struggled  to  regain  her  composure. 
Then  she  clasped  the  artist's  hand  with  impulsive 
warmth  and  said  :  "  Yes,  Titian,  I  will  follow  thee 
to  yon  wonder-land.  It  is  just  as  thy  eagle-glance 
hath  read  it  in  my  soul.  I  am  not  happy  in  this 
barbarous  world  full  of  deceptive  gloss,  and  I  abhor 
that  demon  Potemkin,  who  rules  me  by  a  mysteri- 
ous power.  Be  my  Savior,  my  liberator,  and  I  will 
be  extremely  grateful  to  you.  But  urgent  cau- 
tion is  commanded,  for  Potemkin  watches,  Argus- 
eyed,  and  it  were  thy  death  should  he  learn  our 
plans.  Secretly  then  let  us  prepare  for  our  flight 
at  midnight.  At  this  window  thou'lt  find  a  rope- 
ladder,  which  will  make  it  possible  that  thou  enter 
here  unobserved  ;  and  by  the  same  means  we  can 
both  leave  the  palace.  Provide  a  boat  which  will 
carry  us  out  upon  the  waves  of  the  stream  during 
the  stillness  of  the  night,  away  from  this  place. 
Gladly  do  I  fling  this  crown  away  to  ti^  with  thee 
upon  wings  of  love  to  thy  glorious  home — to  be 
free  and  happy  !  " 

Astonished,  carried  away,  the  master  gazed  upon 
her.  "  O  how  beautiful  thou  art  at  this  moment  ?" 
he  exclaimed.  "  Thus  you  are  really  the  victorious 
goddess  of  beauty,  and  thus  will  I  paint  thee— 
Thus  shalt  thy  face  illumine  the  farthest  future  !  " 

Quickly  he  hastened  to  his  easel.  He  sat  down, 
but  in  a  moment  rose,  cursing  as  if  stung  by  a 
tarantula.  What  had  happened  ?  Titian  in  his 
haste  had  sat  himself  down  upon  his  palette  ! 
When  Catherine  noticed  the  traces  of  paint,  a  con- 
sequence of  that  fatal  error,  she  broke  out  in  a 
merry  laugh.  But  his  features  betrayed  deep 
seriousness.  £;  Do  not  laugh  Catherine,"  he  cried; 
"  I  fear  this  is  a  bad  omen.  It  is  an  old  supersti- 
tion among  us  painters  that  it  signifies  a  misfortune 
if  one  of  us  by  accident  sit  down  upon  his  palette. 
In  the  meanwhile,  Addio  !  until  we  meet  again  at 
midnight. 

#  *  #  *  *  # 

Blue,  flickering  moonlight  played  around  the 
sombre  architectural  piles  of  St.  Petersburg. 
Catherine  waited  anxiously  for  her  liberator.  Her 
flight  in  view,  she  had  packed  the  most  necessary 
trifles  into  a  satchel,  among  them  the  Orloff  Dia- 
mond. Dreamily  she  looked  before  her.  Suddenly 
she  started  with  a  shudder.  At  the  window  rose  a 
shadowy  shape  and  whisked  into  the  room.  Alow 
cry  escaped  her — it  was  Titian  ! 

"  Heavens,  how  pale  thou  art !  "  whispered 
Catherine.  ' '  And  what  a  terrible  aroma  do  you 
give  out  !  " 

"  It  is  turpentine,"  replied  Titian,  bitterly. 
"You  know  how  I  have  to-day  squatted  down 
upon  my  palette;  the  picture  which  grew  out  of 
that  error  was  a  genuine  immortal  Titian  ?  Only 
with  much  trouble  have  I  been  able  to  wash  it  out. 
But  the  presentiment  of  evil  which  it  brought  I  can 
scarcely  banish  from  my  soul." 

"  Leave  these  superstitious  notions,"  cried 
Catherine,  in  feverish  haste.  ft  Here,  take  this 
satchel.  You  will  have  to  carry  me  down  upon 
your  back,  by  means  of  the  rope-ladder." 

Titian  seized  the  satchel,  while  Catherine  vaulted 
upon  his  shoulders. 

At  this  moment  the  door  opened.  An  interest- 
ing young  man  precipitated  himself  breathless  into 
the  apartment.  The  Empress  perched  upcn  the 
shoulders  of  Titian  turned  pale,  while  the  master 
with  the  cry  of  "  Maladetto  !  "  anger  flashing 
from  his  eyes,  savagely  swung  the  satchel. 

The  intruder  bowed,  full  of  graceful  politeness, 
and  said  :  "  Pardon  me,  your  lordships,  if  I  dis- 
turb you  and  permit  me,  that  I  present  myself  to 
you.  My  name  is  Josef  Willomitzer.  I  am'oneof 
the  most  intellectually  charming  among  the  Ger- 
man authors  of  the  19th  century.     Beside  several 


other  insufficiently  recognized  works,  I  am  the- 
author  of  this  present  romance,  wherein  your 
majesty  and  you,  highly  esteemed  Master,  had  the- 
kindness  to  play  the  principal  parts.  I  am  sorry 
to  be  compelled  personally  to  appear  upon  the 
scene  of  action  to  inform  you  that  the  execution  of 
your  plans  for  flight  is  an  absolute  impossibility. 
Your  mutual  relations  have  already  lasted  much 
too  long  a  time,  and  at  the  present  moment  it  is 
straightway  my  duty,  for  the  prevention  of  further 
mischief,  to  emerge  from  my  hitherto  maintained 
reserve  and  actively  to  interfere  in  the  progress  of 
this  story,  which  owing  to  culpable  oversight  on  my 
part,  has  become  an  impossibility.  I  would  there- 
fore ask  you,  with  as  much  politeness  as  decision, 
instantly  to  part  from  each  other." 

Now  rose  Catherine  majestically  upon  the 
shoulders  of  Titian,  who  still  threateningly  swung 
the  satchel.  "  Back  foolhardy  meddler  !  "  she 
cried.  "  What  do  we  care  for  an  author  of  the 
19th  century  ?  You  err,  when  you  think  that  we 
are  creatures  of  your  imagination,  with  whom  you 
can  do  as  you  list.  You  have  before  you  two  actual 
historical  personages,  whose  private  affairs,  no 
matter  in  what  manner  they  may  develop,  are  riot 
in  the  least  any  of  your  concern." 

"  Pardon,  your  majesty,  replied  the  author 
smilingly,  but  the  romance  which  is  about  to  term- 
inate with  your  flight  is  impossible.  The  immense 
demand  for  my  works  has  caused  me  to  commit 
here  an  anachronistic  error  which  wrecks  the  en- 
tire romance.  Your  majesty  deigned  to  live  in  the 
18th  century,  while  the  Master  had  the  goodness  to 
exist  in  the  15th  and  16th  centuries.  I  believe 
that  under  those  circumstances,  your  lordships  will 
find  it  perfectly  reasonable  if  I  again  most  urgently 
press  the  winding  up  of  your  private  affairs." 

Having  saw  this,  the  author  discreetly  made  for 
the  door;  and  none  too  soon,  for  at  this  moment 
Titian  s'lied  the  satchel  at  him,  which  striking  the 
closing  door  burst  open,  and  the  Orloff  Diamond 
rolled  into  the  corner  of  the  apartment.  An  agon- 
izing cry  of  "  Addio.  mia  cara  !  "  escaped  Titian, 
while  he  endeavored  to  free  his  shoulders  from  the 
weight  of  his  inamorata.  But  she  clung  to  him 
with  convulsive  force  and  cried  out  passionately  : 
"  Take  me  along  !     Take  me  with  you  !  " 

It  was  a  strange  touching  scene.  The  artist  came 
near  losing  his  sen3es,  for  Catherine  clutched  his 
throat  in  insane  terror.  The  blood  rushed  to  his 
head,  his  eyes  to  his  sockets,  and  then,  with  desper- 
ate exertion,  he  succeeded  in  casting  off  the  Semir- 
amis of  the  North.  At  the  same  time  he  gained 
the  window  sill,  and  turning  once  more  he  sobbed  : 
"  Addio,  mia  carrissima;  felicenotte  !  " 

"Wither  wilt  thou  ?  "shrieked  Catherine,  wring- 
ing her  hands, 

In  ghostly  accents  Titian  answered  :  "  I  fly  back 
into  the  16th  century,  where  I  belong  " — and  with 
these  words  he  disappeared  in  the  gloom  of  the 
night. 

Mute  and  motionless  stood  the  Empress  at  the 
window,  during  all  of  that  night;  and  when  the* 
light  of  morning  slanted  in  at  the  casement,  she 
still  stood  there  mute  and  motionless.  In  one 
corner  of  the  room  sparkled  Orloff,  the  diamond  : 
but  upon  Catherine's  cheek  hung  something  which 
sparkled  more  splendidly  than  yon  gem.  It  was  a 
frozen  tear  !  M.  T. 

San  Francisco,  March  22.  1883. 


Marked  preference  is  shown  by  various  royal 
ladies  in  Europe  for  particular  kinds  of  fur.  The 
Empress  of  Russia,  of  course,  always  wears  a  sable. 
The  Empress  of  Austro-Hungary  will  have  nothing 
but  astrachan,  while  her  daughter-in-law,  the 
Archduchess  Stephanie,  wears  only  otter.  The 
Queen  of  Roumania  cares  little  what  fur  she  wears, 
so  it  be  gray  in  color,  while  the  Queen  of  Holland 
prefers  marten,  and  Her  Majesty  of  Spain  bestows 
her  patronage  upon  the  beaver. 


Time  is  a  funny  old  whirlgig.  Here  is  the  New 
York  Herald,  founded  by  James  Gordon  Bennett, 
defending  the  Bible  from  the  criticisms  of  an  Episco- 
pal clergyman  in  good  and  regular  standing— Rev. 
R.  Heber  Newton.  "To  deny  the  inspiration  of  the 
Bible,"  it  says  to  him,  "  is  to  cut  the  autograph 
of  the  sovereign  out  of  your  commission  as  an 
officer. " 

The  singers  in  a  high-priced  choir  are  seldom 
overpaid  for  their  services.  It  is  generally  worth 
aU  they  get  to  sit  and  listen  to  the  sermon  while 
waiting  for  the  last  hymn. 


THE       WASP- 


OTHER     BARDS     THAN     OURS. 


FELICITY  S    -SONG. 
There's  a  jingle  to  make  a  maiden     I  id, 

And  Bush  the  ski.-*  above  her, 
T'lif  clink  of  the  spurs  pi  her  soldier  lad, 
"  I  am  a  faithful  lover." 

Sun  is  shining,  flow'rs  are  blooming. 

Light  and  bloom  are  not  for  aye, 

What  if  sob  and  sigh  are  looming, 

Hear  the  jingle  while  you  may  ! 

There's  a  music  t>»  make  a  maiden  sad, 

And  pale  the  skies  with  sorrow, 
The  ring  of  the  spurs  of  her  soldier  lad. 
"  Farewell  until  the  morrow." 

Sun  is  setting,  flow'rs  are  drooping, 
Light  and  bloom  are  not  for  aye, 
Willow  youth  with  grief  is  stooping, 
While  the  jingle  dies  away. 

There's  a  knell  that  will  make  a  maiden  mad. 

And  veil  the  skies  forever, 
The  jolt  of  the  spurs  of  her  soldier  lad, 
"•  Farewell,  1  loved  thee— never." 

Moon  has  risen,  glow  worm  glistens, 

She  has  lost  the  sun  for  aye, 
But  another  maiden  listens 
To  the  jingle— far  away. 

—Arthur  W,  Pincra 


THE     SWIMMER. 
A  little  boy  went  out  to  swim, 
And  took  a  cake  of  soap  with  him. 
And  slimed  each  supple  little  limb. 

And  when  he  on  the  bank  arrove, 
One  long,  last  downward  look  he  gove, 
And  then  into  the  water  dove. 

And  trying  to  regain  the  top. 
In  vain,  alas,  he  tried  to  flop 
He  went  so  fast  he  couldn't  stop  ! 

His  limbs  were  soaped  from  heel  to  hip- 
He  couldn't  get  a  half-way  grip— 
For  every  time  he  tried  he'd  slip. 

The  water  no  resistance  gave 
And  si)  beneath  the  murky  wave, 
He  found  a  wet,  untimely  grave. 

With  thrilling,  thundering,  thumping  thud. 
He  struck  the  misty,  moisty  mud 
And  turtles  fattened  on  his  blood. 

We  dedicate  this  little  hymn 
To  little  boys  of  supple  limb 
Who  soap  themselves  before  they  swim. 

■Di  nver  Tribune. 


Here 


THE    DRUMMER'S    LAMENT. 

Isaac,  take  my  overcoat  and  give  me  dollars  three, 
For  I've  been  out  a  week  and  I  am  busted  on  a  spree  : 
The  air  is  raw  and  bitter  on  this  cold  and  frosty  mom, 
And  I  feel  I'd  like  to  stiffen  with  a  cocktail  or  a  horn. 
When  I  left  my  home  and  wandered  forth  upon  the  dusty 

road 
For  a  house  that  makes  the  best  of  wares  that  ever  yet 

showed, 

1  never  thought  a  drummer's  life  was  half  so  full  of  glee- 
Here,  take  in  pawn  my  overcoat  and  give  me  dollars 

three, 
And  when  the  summer's  days  are  gone  and  snow  falls  on 

its  track, 

11  come  around  and  see  you,  Jew,  and  get  the  garment 

back." 

— Evansville  Argun. 


THE     UNTAMED     DUCK, 


Martinez,  March  30,  1SS2. 
My  Dear  Nephew  :— Your  letter  of  the  10th 
at.,  in  which  you  state  that  you  are  about  to 
pend  a  few  more  pounds  of  ammunition  in  an- 
her  endeavor  to  lay  in  a  supply  of  ducks  for  the 
miner,  is  at  hand.  You  express  chagrin  at  the 
ifurtunate  termination  of  the  several  duck  ex- 
:ditions  you  have  already  made,  and  with  a  few 
licitous  expressions  in  regard  to  my  own  experi- 
ice  and  ability  as  a  shootist,  which  I  assure  you 
e  highly  gratifying  to  my  pride,  you  request  that 
)u  may  be  allowed  to  avail  yourself  of  my  knowl- 
Ige,  both  instinctive  aud  acquired,  upon  the  sub- 
ct  in  question.     I   hasten,    dear  sonny,   to  en- 


lighten you.  You  are  of  course  aware  that  the 
vegetable  referred  t<>  grows  wild,  and  is  found 
principally  along  the  banks  of  sloughs  in  almost 
inaccessible  places.  It  is,  in  fact,  very  difficult  to 
obtain.  I  have  spent  whole  days  crawling  through 
the  tules  and  slush  in  search  of  this  magnificent 
vegetable,  and  have  returned  home  many  a  night 
Stiff-kneed,  starving  and  all  bunged-up,  as  it  were, 
with  but  one  solitary  specimen  ;  and  very  often  it 
has  turned  out  that  the  specimen  was  nothing  but 
a  mud-hen,  after  all  an  entirely  different  vegetable 
from  the  duck  and  not  wortli  the  mud  it  grows  in. 
The  directions  for  preparing  duck  for  consumption 
are  very  simple.  Sou  first  must  get  the  duck  ; 
this  is  an  easy  operation  after  you  once  learn  how. 
If  you  are  wise  in  your  own  conceit  and  imagine 
you  know  all  about  it,  you  will  spend  weeks  and 
weeks  crawling  on  all  fours  through  the  tules  and 
never  get  even  an  odoriferous  scent.  But  if  you 
have  learned  by  experience,  you  will  start  out  witli 
all  the  necessary  paraphernalia  and  after  rinding 
some  quiet,  sunny  spot,  you  will  lie  there  and  eat 
and  drink  and  read  and  smoke  and  snooze  until 
sundown  ;  yeu  will  then  return  to  town,  sneak 
around  to  the  market,  buy  a  bag  full  of  canvas- 
backs,  drag  yourself  homewards  in  time  for  supper 
and  then  do  some  more  lying.  This  is  the  system 
followed  by  all  the  experts  in  duck-hunting  and  is 
the  only  successful  way  of  getting  ducks.  It  has 
the  advantage,  too,  of  stimulating  the  imagination, 
and  many  a  duck-hunter  has  in  this  way  developed 
mental  powers  compared  with  which  Baron  Mun- 
chausen's were  tame. 

Having  obtained  your  duck  in  the  manner  de- 
scribed, the  next  step  is  to  strip  it  of  all  its  foliage. 
This  will  require  some  degree  of  patience  ;  but  by 
sturdy  application  and  a  strict  attention  to  busi- 
ness a  tolerably  active  person  should  be  able  to 
pick  at  least  one  duck  a  day.  Even  at  the  best 
there  will  be  a  quart  or  so  of  leaves  and  stems  that 
will  persist  in  adhering  to  the  main  trunk  of  the 
duck,  but  these  will  gradually  fall  off  as  the  duck  is 
cooking  and  will  add  a  desirable  consistency  and 
flavor  to  the  gravy.  Having  got  off  the  greater 
part  of  the  foliage,  the  next  operation  is  to  draw 
out  the  pith.  This  is  an  absolutely  necessary  feat- 
ure of  preparing  the  duck  for  the  table.  A  duck 
cooked  with  its  pith  in,  tastes  like  seventeen  courses 
of  an  Italian  dinner  served  up  in  one  dkh,  with  an 
undue  preponderance  of  Swiss  cheese  as  the  dis- 
tinguishing feature.  Yes,  the  pith  must  be  extri- 
cated by  all  means. 

The  duck  is  now  ready  for  the  curing  process.  It 
should  be  hung  up  by  its  root  on  a  nail  fastened  to 
the  sunny  side  of  the  house.  Connoisseurs  differ 
as  to  the  time  required  to  give  the  duck  the  desired 
tenderness  and  flavor,  but  in  hot  weather  six  weeks 
is  probably  sufficient  time.  If  the  weather  is  cool, 
a  duck  should  hang  not  less  than  eleven  months. 
Of  course  every  one  must  be  his  own  judge  in  this 
matter,  as  tastes  differ  so  widely.  The  correct  time 
can  be  usually  determined  by  the  smell,  but  not 
always.  As  a  general  thing  the  duck  may  not  be 
considered  thoroughly  ripe  and  ready  for  use  until 
it  drops  to  the  ground.  Those,  however,  who  pre- 
fer to  eat  it  before  it  reaches  that  stage  have  only 
to  wait  until  their  next-door  neighbors  have  moved 
to  the  other  end  of  town  and  the  atmosphere  tastes 
as  if  the  whole  universe  had  stagnated  and  begun 
to  decay.  It  may  be  safely  predicted  that  the  duck 
is  then  ripe,  juicy  and  tender. 

Last  comes  the  cooking.  No  one  but  an  old 
hand  at  the  business  should  ever  attempt  to  cook  a 
duck.  An  experienced  hand  knows  just  how  to  go 
at  it.  He  first  stuffs  his  nose  with  camphorated 
cotton  ;  he  then  procures  a  long-handled  shovel, 
scoops  it  under  the  duck,  and  hurries  it  into  the 
oven.  He  then  takes  to  the  woods  to  get  away 
from  the  smell.  At  the  end  of  three  days  he 
cautiously  returns  ;  the  family,  in  the  meanwhile, 
have  put  up  at  a  hotel  in  the  adjoining  town.  The 
cook  returns  the  cotton  to  his  nose,  yanks  out  the 
ducks,  runs  a  crow  bar  through  it  to  see  if  it  is  well 
done,  and  then  puts  it  on  the  table.  The  family  is 
telephoned  for,  the  invited  guests  appear,  and  the 
duck  feast  begins.  The  family  and  guests  select 
remote  places  in  the  back  yard  and  the  duck  is 
carefully  brought  out  piecemeal  and  divided 
among  them.  By  judiciously  dodging  the  smells 
that  emanate  from  the  kitchen  the  lovers  of  duck 
manage  highly  to  enjoy  the  feast.  But  it  is  rough 
on  the  cook.  It  takes  an  exceptionally  strong- 
nerved  person  to  sustain  this  ordeal,  and  many 
have  been  the  artifices  contrived  to  make  the  pro- 
cess of  dishing  up  ducks  less  unhealthy  and  less 
wearincr  0n  the  olfactory  nerves.  It  was  at  one 
time  thought  that   a  liberal  distribution  of  Lim- 


burger  cheese  throughout  the  premises  would  work 
most  admirably,  but  the  experiment  turned  out  a 
melancholy  failure.  The  cheese  was  distributed 
liberally  enough,  but  the  first  whin"  it  got  of  the 
cooked  duck  it  just  got  up  <>n  its  ear  and  crawled 
off  the  promises.  There  are  some  smells  that  a 
good,  healthy  Eiimburger  won't  tolerate  under  any 
circumstances.  *  me  ingenious  cook  procured  a 
large  specimen  of  the  mephitis vccidentalis.  (If  you 
have  ever  met  a  mephitis  occidentalis,  my  son,  it 
would  be  superfluous  to  inform  you  that  the  fowl 
in  question  is  what  is  commonly  denominated  a 
skunk.)  He  chained  the  fowl  in  one  corner  of  the 
kitchen  aud  proceeded  with  the  utmost  confidence 
to  serve  the  duck.  But  he  had  hardly  got  it  nut 
of  the  oven  when  the  chained  fowl  gave  an  un- 
earthly squawk,  turned  on  its  back,  feebly  kicked, 
and  expired.  An  examination  disclosed  the  morti- 
fying fact  that  it  had  disemboweled  itself.  Even  a 
skunk  will  resent  what  it  considers  a  joke  carried 
too  far. 

I  have  now  given  you,  my  son,  all  necessary  in- 
formation concerning  the  duck.  It  is  a  prolific 
vegetable,  but  you  will  observe  ti.at  it  is  difficult  to 
obtain.  But  once  in  your  possession,  it  is  a  simple 
matter  to  prepare  it  for  the  table.  All  you  require 
is  a  cook  who  has  been  thoroughly  broken  in,  an 
abundant  supply  of  cotton  and  a  few  bottles  of 
camphor.  I  do  not  think  much  of  ducks,  myself, 
but  I  took  a  little  hunt  on  the  14th  at  the  request 
of  your  aunt,  who  is  passionately  fond  of  the  vege- 
table. I  ate  lunch  near  the  tules  and  on  my  way 
back  I  selected  a  dozen  canvas-backs  at  the  market, 
which  are  now  going  through  the  ripening  process. 
J  lux  fa  ■iii.iini  facti.  If  the  weather -keeps  warm, 
come  up  in  July  and  see  what  they  taste  like. 

Your  affectionate  Uncle,  F.  L.   Foster. 


AN     UNKNOWN     LAND. 

General  L.  H.  Foote,  formerly  Adjutant-General 
of  this  State,  and  later,  U.  S.  Consul  at  Valparaiso, 
is  a  man  so  well  known  and  well  liked  in  Cali- 
fornia that  the  following  extract  from  the  New 
York  Tribune's  report  of  our  interview  with  him 
will,  we  think,  have  an  unusual  interest  for  many 
of  our  readers.  General  Foote  will  carry  with  him 
to  his  larger  field  of  usefulness  in  the  strange  coun- 
try to  which  he  is  accredited  the  best  wishes  of 
many  thousands  of  Californians,  and  their  con- 
fidence that  he  will  there  as  faithfully  and  intelli- 
gent perform  the  high  duties  entrusted  to  him  as 
he  did  in  his  inferior  stations. 

Among  the  strangers  in  the  city  last  week  was  L.  H. 
Foote,  the  newly  appointed  Minister  of  the  United  States 
to  Corea.  He  departed  on  Friday  night  for  that  country, 
accompanied  as  far  as  Japan  by  Mrs.  Foote,  and  going 
by  the  way  of  New  Orleans  to  San  Francisco  whence  he 
will  sail  on  the  29th  instant  to  Japan. 

"  How  will  you  reach  Corea  from  Japan  ?  "  Mr.  Foote 
was  asked. 

"  First  I  shall  go  to  Yokohama  and  Tokio  ;  then  by 
steamer  to  Nagasaki.  At  Nagasaki  a  naval  vessel  will  be 
in  waiting  to  take  me  across  to  a  little  fishing  village 
which  forms  the  nearest  landing-place  to  the  capital  of 
Corea." 

"  What  is  the  capital  ''.  " 

"  It  is  a  town  of  lfi0,000  people,  eighteen  mileB  back 
from  the  coast,  named  Seoul,  which  is  pronounced  Say-ool. 
I  suppose  I  shall  be  the  first  European,  or  at  any  rate  the 
first  American,  who  has  set  foot  in  it." 

"  You  do  not  know  very  well,  then,  what  awaits  you." 

"  No.  Even  Commodore  Shufeldt,  who  made  the 
treaty  with  Corea,  did  not  go  up  to  the  capital  ;  the  local 
commissioners  came  down  to  the  coast.  I  fancy  the  Gov- 
ernment is  surrounded  with  much  formality  and  a  good 
deal  of  barbaric  splendor.  This  Government  resides  in 
the  person  of  a  hereditary  King  who  really  holds  despotic 
power.  He  is  supported  by  a  class  of  nobles  who  sustain 
a  sort  of  feudal  system.  It  seems  to  be  much  the  same 
condition  of  things  as  existed  in  Japan  when  we  first  be- 
came acquainted  with  that  country.' 


The  intense  desire  on  the  part  of  some  of  our 
young  men  to  be  as  English,  or  more  English  than 
the  English  themselves,  suggests  the  necessity  of 
importing  a  good  model  from  London.  The 
models  here  are  from  the  commercial  classes  of 
Great  Britain,  and  none  of  our  rich  men's  sons  cer- 
tainly could  wish  to  adopt  the  manners,  and  affec- 
tations of  the  commercial  English  young  man. 
Because  in  Europe  the  class  line  in  strongly  drawn, 
and  the  commercial  young  man  is  himself  strug- 
gling to  imitate  the  gentle-born  youth.  So  the 
American  only  gets  his  English  airs  at  second  hand, 
tainted  with  the  commercial  young  man's  cuttings 
and  additions.  A  good  model  might  be  imported 
cheap  for  cash  from  some  of  the  London  clubs. 
And  then,  provided  with  a  neat  cottage  in  Sausalito, 
which  is  strictly  an  English  colony,  he  might  do  a 
power  of  good 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


MARCH    31,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

£.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishera. 

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D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

JVo  questionable  advertisements  insei-ted  in  this  journal. 


The  Railroad  Gang  have  adopted  a  new  method 
of  showing  how  good  they  are.  It  would  appear  to 
be  an  invention  of  Mr.  A.  C.  Bassett,  Superintend- 
ent of  the  Northern  Division  of  the  Southern  Pa- 
cific, who  evolved  it  from  his  great  brain  to  meet 
the  exigencies  of  the  situation  when  certain  resi- 
dents of  Ocean  View  complained  to  the  Commis- 
sioners of  the  passenger  rate  of  fifteen  cents  be- 
tween that  place  and  the  Industrial  School,  the 
distance  being  one-and-a-quarter  miles.  Mr.  Bas- 
sett explained  to  the  Commission  that  the  Indus- 
trial School  station  is  not  a  "regular"  station, 
and  that  "therefore"  the  place  takes  the  rate  of 
the  next  station,  Bernal.  That  makes  the  distance 
two-and-a-third  miles,  and  the  rate  paid  is  "  there- 
fore "  not  twelve  cents  a  mile,  but  six-and-a-third. 
The  trains  stop  at  the  Industrial  School  merely  to 
"  accommodate  the  people  "  and  save  them  a  long 
walk.  The  Valencia -street  station  is  not  a  "reg- 
ular "  station  either,  it  appears,  and  cuts  no  figure 
in  fixing  rates.  In  short,  there  are  no  "  regular" 
stations  between  the  corner  of  Fourth  and  Towns- 
end  streets  and  New  Orleans.  At  all  others  the 
trains  stop  out  of  sheer  good  humor  ;  and  if  full 
through  fare  is  not  exacted  between  any  two  of 
them,  that  is  a  gracious  concession  on  the  part  of 
the  Company.  This  justification  of  arbitrary  and 
insupportable  rates  is  of  bewitching  simplicity.  By 
merely  drawing  a  paper  distinction  between  "  reg- 
ular "  and  irregular  stations,  the  thing  is  done,  and 
a  man  :vho  travels  ten  miles  for  a  dollar  is  consoled 
by  being  shown  that  this  is  really  only  two  cents  a 
mile,  computed  between  a  station  that  he  didn't 
get  on  at  and  a  station  that  he  didn't  get  off  at. 
His  real  advantage  in  the  matter  is  in  being  per- 
mitted to  ride. at  all.  We  congratulate  Mr.  Bas- 
sett on  being  the  most  flashing  idiot  that  has  yet 
dazzled  the  broad  field  of  railroad  controversy. 


A  good  many  country  members  of  the  late  la- 
mented Legislature  have  been  in  town  the  last  two 
weeks.  .  Indeed,  they  have  prevaded  the  hotels  in 
such  uncommon  quantity  that  it  has  been  a  matter 
of  remark,  their  purpose  being  a  mystery.  It  is 
not  understood  how  so  many  of  these  honorable 
gentlemen  living  in  remote  sections,  ' '  from  Siski- 
you to  San  Diego,  from  the  Sierra  to  the  sea," 
who  during  the  whole  session  did  not  visit  this  city 
during  the  recesses,  and  who  might  now  be  sup- 
posed to  be  sitting  in  the  domestic  chimney-cor- 
ners, holding  their  females  and  young  spell-bound 
with  moving  narratives  of  legislative  adventure, 


should  be  eating  oysters  at  thePoodleDogand  see- 
ing life  at  the  Tivoli.  The  explanation  is  simple 
and  beautiful.  They  came  down  to  the  Bay  to  see 
Mr.  W.  W.  Stow.  A  good  deal  of  injustice  was 
done  to  this  gentleman  during  the  session  by  reck- 
less references  to  the  "sack  "  that  he  was  supposed 
to  have  at  the  Capital.  The  good  man  had  no 
sack  there;  that  is  not  his  way  of  "averting  un- 
friendly legislation."  He  merely  made  promises, 
which  we  must  do  him  the  justice  to  say  he  com- 
monly redeems  with  a  scrupulous  regard  to  con- 
science. His  redemption  office  is  at  408  California 
street,  San  Francisco.  It  is  there  that  the  loyal 
subjects  of  King  Sack  have  audience  of  their  august 
sovereign.  It  is  thither  that  these  thrifty  bees 
have  steered  their  expectant  swarms  and  thence 
that  they  have  emerged,  their  legs  loaded  with  the 
golden  guerdon  of  their  industry.  And  in  the  pi- 
ous contemplation  of  a  duty  well  performed,  this 
Archimandrite  of  the  Holy  Brotherhood  of  the  Or- 
der of  St.  Stanford  lays  an  added  gravity  upon  his 
visage,  solemnly  winks  his  awful  eye,  caresses  his 
sacred  beard  and,  counting  his  unexpended  balance, 
keeps  it  for  his  honesty. 


The  State  Board  of  .Equalization  is  undoubtedly 
right  in  commanding  Assessors  and  Deputy  Asses- 
sors to  comply  with  the  law  and  assess  all  property 
at  its  full  cash  value.  The  Board  points  out  that 
the  assessed  value  of  all  the  property  in  the  State 
has  shrunk  from  $(535,028,554  in  1880,  to  $579,- 
874,449  in  1882,  a  loss  of  $55,154,105,  or  8.68  per 
cent.  As  these  two  years  have  been  the  most  pros- 
perous in  the  history  of  the  State,  we  should  be 
justified,  if  these  figures  represented  facts,  in  pray- 
ing for  a  season  of  commercial  depression  and  in- 
dustrial disaster.  The  only  fact  that  they  do 
represent  is  a  distinct  advance  along  those  lines  of 
official  immorality  that  cut  close  to  the  penitentiary 
without  entering  it.  That  the  actual  cash  value  of 
all  the  property  in  California  is  not  less  than 
$1,000,000,000  is  entirely  obvious  ;  at  no  time  have 
the  Assessors  done  much  more  than  fifty  per  cent, 
of  their  duty.  The  Board's  intimation  that  if  there 
is  any  more  of  this  nonsense  it  will  on  investiga- 
tion raise  the  total  assessments  of  the  counties,  re- 
gardless of  the  action  of  the  local  Assessors,  is  an 
eminently  proper  threat.  The  Constitution  pro- 
vides that  "  cultivated  and  uncultivated  land  of 
the  same  quality  and  similarly  situated  shall  be 
assessed  at  the  same  value."  This  is  just,  and  it 
had  a  just  purpose — to  cinch  the  merry,  merry 
landgrabber.  This  provision  the  country  Assessors 
have  studiously  and  thriftily  ignored.  If  the 
Board's  power  is  equal  to  its  right,  and  its  will 
runs  even  with  both,  they  will  ignore  it  no  longer. 


We  can  lay  a  finger  of  a  dozen  instances  of  gross 
and  habitual  under-valuation  in  assessment.  For 
illustration  one  will  suffice.  In  the  Appendix  to 
the  Municipal  Reports  for  1880-81,  under  the  head 
of  Personal  Property  Assessments,  we  find  the  per- 
sonal property  of  Mr.  Samuel  J.  Wilson  valued  at 
$7,580.  Of  this  sum  $3,780  was  for  money,  a 
watch,  horses,  carriage,  etc., — the  remainder, 
$3,800,  represents  the  assessed  value  of  Mr.  Wil- 
son's household  effects.  A  short  time  ago  these 
same  household  effects  were  somewhat  damaged  by 
fire,  when  it  appeared  that  there  was  an  insurance 
on  them  of  some  twenty  thousand  or  twenty-five 
thousand  dollars — we  do  not  recollect  the  exact 
sum.  We  do  recollect  that  immediately  after  the 
fire  Mr.  Wilson  estimated  his  loss  at  $75,000,  and 
that  the  Fire  Marshal  confirmed  that  estimate. 
And  the  property  was  not  very  much  damaged.  If 
Mr.  Wilson's  were  an  exceptional  case  we  should 
not  mention  it.  It  is  not  exceptional  in  either 
kind  or  degree.     Under-valuation  is  the  rule.     If 


it  were  a  universal  rule,  so  applied  as  to  affect  al  i: 
in  due  proportion,   no  hardship  would  result  ;  th  ■ 
treasury  would  be  cheated  equally  by  all  and  n. 
one  have  an  unfair   advantage.     But  if  Mr.  Fitch 
of  the  Bulletin,  who  is  fighting  the  Board  of  Equal  | 
ization  for  demanding  compliance  with  the  law,  i  I 
honest    enough    to    insist    on    having     his    owij 
property  assessed  at  its  full  cash  value,  it  is  obvi 
ous  that  he  suffers  by  the  selfish  exemption  of  lea  ] 
conscientious  men.     In  his  interest  we  speak.     \ 


The  touchingly  fraternal  feeling  which  exist 
among  the  various  kinds  of  rogues,  and  which  serve: 
to  distinguish  them  from  the  various  kinds  o  ■ 
Christians,  finds  its  best  literary  expression  in  thi  i 
editorial  columns  of  the  corporation  newspapers.  ■ 
An  editor  who  has  received  the  money  of  a  cor-  ■ 
poration  has  given  hostages  to  rascality  and  struck 
hands  with  theft.  Every  rogue  may  count  upon 
his  alliance  and  draw  drafts  upon  his  favor.  The'm 
Evening  Post  defends  General  Brady  and  ex-Sena-B 
tor  Dorsey  ;  the  Argonaut  solemnly  deprecated  the  I 
prosecution  of  Mr.  J.  C.  Duncan.  Both  look  with! 
severe  disapproval  on  Controller  Dunn.  This  gen-B' 
tleman  has  manifested  an  intention  of  discomfort- 1 
ing  the  office  holders  who  have  the  bad  taste  to  I 
steal  the  money  for  which  it  is  their  duty  to  ac- 1 
count  to  him.  He  is  not  prepared  to  accept  a  de- 1 
faulter's  explanation  of  his  deficit.  He  would  not  I 
forgive  John  S.  Gray.  He  insists  that  even  Com-iB1 
missioners  and  ex-Commissioners  of  Immigration.! 
shall  make  an  accounting.  For  these  and  similar  I 
sins,  Mr.  Dunn  is  pointed  out  by  every  kept  editor.! 
of  a  corporation  as  a  most  officiously  disagreeable:! 
person.  He  must  expect  their  sturdy  opposition,!! 
but  he  may  console  himself— if  he  need  consolation  <■ 
—by  the  knowledge  that  they  have  nothing  against  i  ^ 
him— except  their  hands.  It  is  the  business  of  \ 
their  lives  to  defend  rascality,  and  they  are  too.! 
busy  to  separate  the  rascals  whom  it  is  profitable:! 
to  defend  from  those  whom  it  is  not.  Their  sini-il 
pie  aim  is  accomplished  with  least  mental  labor  byll 
wholesale  assertions  of  the  beauty,  wisdom  and:! 
goodness  of  theft;  and  whoever  by  his  action:! 
seems  to  be  afflicted  with  .imperception  of  these*! 
qualities  is  denounced  without  inquiry,  but  we  be-i| 
lieve  without  malice.  Their  favorite  plan  is  to  in- 
timate that  he  is  a  thief. 


A  good  deal  of  friction  characterizes  the  negotia- 
tions with  hotel  keepers  for  the  accommodation 
of  a  number  of  "  Knights  Templar  "  variously  es- 
timated at  from  three  thousand  to  forty  thousand. 
It  is  assumed  that  by  some  mysterious  concatena- 
tion of  natural  law  and  happy  accident  the  presence 
of  these  Eastern  "  Sir  Knights"  and  their  Sir 
Ladies  and  Sir  Kids  is  going  to  result  in  unspeak- 
able advantage  to  the  crops.  We  have  not  the 
honor  to  entertain  that  opinion.  We  do  not  think 
that  a  biped  vertebrate  who  goes  peacocking  in 
gorgeous  "regalia,"  drags  round  a  pot-metal  sword 
when  nobody  is  menacing  him,  calls  himself  a 
"  Sir  Knight  "  and  swears  he  was  founded  by 
King  Solomon  is  exactly  the  kind  of  biped  verte- 
brate materially  to  affect  the  prosperity  of  a  State, 
one  way  or  the  other.  In  short,  we  think  the  hotel 
and  boarding-house  keepers  are  about  the  only  per- 
sons who  have  anything  more  than  a  sentimental 
interest  in  the  matter,  and  that  they  might  rightly 
be  left  to  fleece  the  festive  Templar  at  their  own 
sweet  wills.  It  is  only  fair,  however,  to  saj  that 
in  this  conviction  we  are  unsupported  by  Sir 
Knight  Coleman,  Sir  Knight  Perkins,  Sir  knight 
Merry,  Sir  Knight  Waterhouse,  Sir  Knight  New- 
hall  and  Sir  Knight  Merrill— all  stout  and  gorgeous 
men-at-arms  who  were  at  the  seige  of  A»re  and 
brought  away  many  Paynim  scalps. 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


It  is  not  so  easy  to  say  a  tine  thing  as  some  folks 
hink  it  is.  In  presenting  the  Booker  testimonial, 
he  other  day,  a  gentleman  who  doubtless  thinks 
limself  "real  eloquent"  concluded  as  follows  : 
•  While  the  upright  manhood  which  we  recognize 
n  you  is  fitly  symbolized  by  the  spear-like  trunk 
•f  the  Redwood  Monarch  which  surmounts  our 
;ift,  the  drooping  leaves  of  its  branches  are  expres- 
dve  of  our  sorrow  at  the  parting.'1  A  man  capable 
»f  uttering  such  stuff  as  that  is  of  course  incapable 
if  understanding  that  it  is  stuff ;  so  I  deny  myself 
he  pleasure  of  attempting  to  teach  him.  I  can 
>nly  advise  that  he  muster  the  entire  resources  of 
lie  copious  vocabulary  to  support  him  in  the  colos- 
lal  task  of  keeping  a  dead  silence.  Tn  comparison 
with  him,  the  mummy  of  Thothmes  is  a  king  of 
nought  and  a  master  of  rhetoric. 


The  correspondent  who  was  good  enough  to  send 
js  a  letter  eulogizing  Dr.  Montague  Leverson  for 
fris  course  in  the  Legislature  and  directing  atten- 
tion to  his  many  virtues,  did  the  best  he  could,  no 
ioubt,  but  he  appears  to  be  imperfectly  acquainted 
with  the  real  beauty  of  that  great  man's  character 
and  disposition.  After  all,  a  man  knows  himself 
better  than  another  knows  him,  and  I  have  forsome 
weeks  had  by  me  an  estimate  of  Dr.  Leverson's 
character  by  Dr.  Leverson,  in  a  letter  to  the  Stock- 
ton Herald  The  following  extract  will  be  a  revela- 
tion, even  to  his  eulogist  : 

"  Permit  me  to  state  that  my  entire  conduct  has  proved 
that  I  am  incapable  of  so  contemptible  a  feeling  as  jeal- 
ousy. I  only  desire  that  good  legislation  shall  prevail.  I 
am  too  old  for  personal  vanity  or  personal  ambition.  I 
ffpandon  this  to  others  and  desire  only  the  public  good." 


Dr.  Leverson  has  a  multitude  of  noble  and  ad- 
mirable qualities,  but  among  them  is  modesty,  and 
that  conspicuous  merit  forbids  him  to  make  an 
adequate  catalogue  of  the  others.  I  confess  I  am 
rather  surprised  at  his  advanced  age  ;  a  man  who 
is  ' '  too  old  for  personal  vanity  or  personal  ambi- 
tion "  is  pretty  well  stricken  in  years — is,  indeed, 
the  very  oldest  man  in  the  world.  If  I  had  a  son 
as  old  as  Dr.  Leverson  I  would  take  him  away  by 
himself  and  coo  these  golden  words  into  his  ear  : 
|  My  child,  you  have  lived  long  enough  ;  your  way 
of  life  is  fallen  into  the  sere  and  yellow  dog.  You 
are  older  than  your  father  by  many,  many  moons. 
There  is  no  longer  any  personal  vanity  or  ambition 
in  your  rare-ripe  carcass.  Your  are  too  good  for 
this  world— you  must  bid  it  farewell  and  go  to 
Sacramento."  And  so,  I  would  kill  him— kill  him 
all  over  and  as  dead  as  I  could.  And  the  angels 
would  come  and  take  him  to  Sacramento  and  set 
him  in  the  vacant  seat  of  Dr.  Leverson,  a  crown  of 
glory  on  his  head,  a  harp  within  his  hand. 


As  some  enormous  violet  that  towers 

<  lolossal  o'er  the  heads  of  lowlier  flowers  - 

Its  giant  petals  royally  disp'ayed, 

And  casting  half  the  landscape  into  shade  ; 

Delivering  its  odors,  like  the  blows 

Of  some  strong  slugger,  at  the  public  nose  ; 

Pride  of  two  Nations— for  a  single  State 

Would  scarce  suffice  to  sprout  a  plant  so  great ; 

So  Leverson's  humility,  outgrown 

The  meaner  virtues  that  he  deigns  to  own, 

To  the  high  skies  its  great  corolla  rears, 

O'ertopping  all  he  has  except  his  ears. 

The  pelted  Pixley,  coped  with  the  broad  buckler 
of  a  lady's  praise,  cowers  securely  beneath  the 
porrected  targe,  and  his  enemies' missies  assail  him 
in  vain.  The  accomplished  lady  editor  of  the  Afis- 
H>n  Journal  having  interposed  the  "brazen  studs 
and  tough  bull-hide  "  of  her  favor  between  the 
great  man  and  his  detractors,  nothing  remains  for 


these  but  to  gather  up  their  blunted  javelins  and 
seek  a  more  vulnerable  foeman.  It  is  to  be  wished, 
however,  that  the  lady's  appreciation  of  her  proteyt 
had  been  expressed  in  less  extravagant  terms.  De- 
fence should  not  take  the  form  of  panegyric  ;  the 
language  of  adulation  is  nut  appropriate  to  purposes 
of  vindication  ;  nor  should  the  vocabulary  of  com- 
pliment be  suffered  to  lay  its  obscuring  embroidery 
upon  the  shining  fabric  of  simple  merit.  In  short, 
however  greatly  enamored  of  Mr.  Pixley,  our  fair 
contemporary  oughtn't  to  "  give  him  tatty. "  When 
in  her  youthful  enthusiasm  for  his  commanding 
ability  she  permits  herself  to  declare  that  "  Pixley 
is  not  always  an  ass,''  I  must  venture  to  remind 
her  of  the  strength  of  restraint  and  the  grace  of 
moderation. 


"  Such  aman,"  said  Attorney  General  Marshall, 
alluding  to  ex-Commissioner  of  Immigration  Van 
Ness,  "  would  rob  a  bank  of  a  million  and  claim  it 
all  for  his  work  in  breaking  in."  O,  no  ;  he  would 
be  content  with  two-thirds  for  that  service  ;  his 
claim  to  the  other  third  would  be  based  upon  his 
superior  skill  in  getting  away. 


What  a  noble  office  this  Commissionership  of 
Immigration  is,  to  be  sure.  In  the  first  place,  the 
act  establishing  it  is  entirely  unconstitutional. 
Secondly,  the  incumbent  is  permitted  to  pay  him- 
self four  thousand  a  year  and  the  expenses  of  his 
office  out  of  the  fees  collected.  Thirdly,  there  is  no 
power  to  compel  him  to  pay  over  the  balance,  and 
in  point  of  fact  he  never  does  pay  it  over.  (Van 
Ness  did  surrender  a  few  hundred  dollars  before  he 
learned  his  rights  in  the  matter,  but  he  has  made 
a  demand  for  its  recovery.)  In  short,  the  office 
appears  to  have  been  created,  and  has  certainly 
been  always  conducted,  for  the  sole  benefit  of  the 
incumbent.  It  is  just  the  kind  of  office  that  would 
naturally  be  sought  by  thrifty  patriots  weary  of 
accounting  and  willing  to  sit  right  down  at  the  re- 
ceipt of  fees  and  keep  no  more  books  forever. 


They  sat  them  down  upon  the  yellow  sand, 

Between  the  State  and  Coolies,  on  the  shore ; 
And  sweet  it  was  to  dream  of  cash  in  hand 

For  every  Chinaman  the  ships  biought  o'er. 

Most  weary  seemed  the  far  Controller's  roar, 
Weary  the  maundering  of  the  press  a-foam. 

Then  said  Van  Ness,  "  We'll  make  returns  no  more." 
And  Bunker  sang,  "  We  will  no  longer  roam  ; 
We've  brought  our  blankets— Jesus  bless  our  home  !  " 


Homer  was  a  tramp,  Terence  a  slave.  Cer- 
vantes died  of  hunger,  Chatterton  to  escape  it,  and 
Butler  was  in  penury  all  his  life.  The  estate  of 
Spenser  would  not  have  paid  for  an  epitaph.  Sav- 
age ended  his  days  in  prison  for  a  small  debt. 
Steele's  life  was  a  long,  unequal  contest  with  bail- 
iffs, and  hardly  any  of  the  San  Francisco  poets  ap- 
pear to  be  getting  on.  Hector  Stuart  smites  the 
lyre  with  faltering  fingers  for  lack  of  sustaining 
provend  ;  the  Argonaut  bards  raise  the  death- 
song  with  prophetic  apprehension,  but  cannot  raise 
dinner-money.  The  Call's  brood  of  young  eagles  of 
song  are  so  feeble  that  they  scarcely  can  outfly  the 
lumbering  mud-hens  of  the  Overland  Monthly.  Dan 
O'Connell  is  down  on  his  luck,  and  our  own  Bysshe 
came  into  the  office  the  other  day  wearing  an  in- 
tolerable hat.  Choynski's  shelves  are  loaded  with 
unsold  Sumners.  The  world  has  got  on  top  of  the 
local  poets  and  the  Wasp  cannot  get  a  decent  bit  of 
native  rhyme  to  adorn  this  issue  withal.  Let  us 
supplicate  high  heaven  for  an  abundant  outpour  of 
the  spirit.  Brother  Bartlett,  you  will  please  lead 
in  prayer. 


The  rains  have  come  and  the  streets  are 
copiously  toadstooled  with  the  umbrelliferous 
matron     and      mackintoshoid      maid,     disclosing 


ankles  each.  They  navigate  the  flooded  pave 
and  cautiously  take  soundings  of  the  gut- 
ter with  tentative  protrusion  of  toes.  The 
flaming  parasol  wherewith  Chromassie  was  won't 
to  top  her  superstructure  of  warring  tints  is  ex- 
tinguished ;  her  fiery  Jersey  has  set,  and  her 
screaming  skirts  salute  our  senses  with  a  less 
audible  effulgence.  She  moves,  a  sombre-seeming 
cone,  and  the  respited  masculine  eye  gratefully 
accepts  the  benefaction  of  the  sea-change  that 
she  has  suffered,  readjusts  its  crazed  lenses,  collects 
its  dispersed  perceptions  and  hopes  again  to  be  able 
to  distinguish  sky-green  from  thunder-purple. 
When  the  spring  campaign  shall  reopen,  and  she 
lays  on  her  war-paint  to  paralyze  the  male,  she  will 
find  us  with  restored  vision,  ready  to  resist  the 
formidable  splendors  of  her  dawning.  Aye,  truly, 
the  rains  are  a  timely  and  a  blessed  boon. 


Let  the  farmer  jubilate  an  he  will  have  it  so  ; 
but  what  is  the  rain  to  him  ?  His  female  does 
never  at  any  season  afflict  him  with  blinding  hues 
to  the  unspeakable  distraction  and  confusion  of  his 
senses.  He  has  never  to  clap  his  horny  .  hands 
upon  his  ears  in  self-defence  as  she  unfolds  her 
deafening  glories  to  his  perception.  She  never 
dons  a  shrieking  basque,  nor  caps  a  chromatic 
climax  of  color  with  a  bugle-blast  of  bonnet.  She 
commits  no  flamboyant  iniquities  of  attire — no 
scarlet  sins  of  raimence,  to  be  washed  as  white  as 
wool  by  rain  from  the  sweet  heavens.  All  the  year 
round  she  maintains  her  lasting  state  of  neutral 
appareling — alike  ungorgeous  i  n  August  as  in  March. 
Why,  then,  does  the  granger  perform  jodels  of  joy- 
ous ululation  and  execute  grateful  genuflections  for 
the  grace  of  rain  '(  I  suppose  he  thinks  it  will  help 
his  crops. 


Sacra  faints  uri,  neighbor 
Chronicle,  is  not  good  Latin  ; 

Awi  sacrafames — labor 
Next  time,  brother,  to  get  that  in. 

If  the  knowledge  too  you're  lacking 
Of  its  meaning,  ride  Proctor  : 

'Tis  a  strange  disease,  attacking, 
Not  the  patient,  but  the  doctor. 


It  is  nonsense  to  croak  about  the  rain  having 
come  too  late  to  restore  our  prosperity.  The  grass 
in  the  streets  of  San  Francisco  never  looked  greener 
than  it  does  to-day. 


Loud  sang  the  'Frisco  cavalier, 

And  thus  the  ditty  ran  : 
"  God  send  the  Templar  lassie  here, 
But  not  the  Templar  man." 


There  is  positively  no  comparison  between  the  white 
wines  of  California  and  those  of  Germany.  Our  wines  are 
far  superior. — Call. 

There  is  positively  no  comparison  between  that 
opinion  and  the  slaver  that  a  startled  idiot  spills 
all  over  his  chin.  The  slaver  is  incomparably  the 
more  intelligent  utterance. 


"  The  Way  of  the  Transgressor  "  -  a  railway. 


He  died  a  large  land-owner  and  in  good  circum- 
stances.— Bereaved  Doily  Newspaper. 

Lay  him  down  tenderly,  dear  undertakers  ; 
Let  him  repose  in  the  midst  of  his  acres. 
Sad  is  the  thought  that  he  ever  should  lose  'em 
And  go  in  his  shirt-tail  to  Abraham's  bosom. 


The  crime  of  parricide  is  increasing  in  Germany 
so  alarmingly  that  it  looks  as  if  our  German  fellow- 
citizens  would  soon  have  to  stop  speaking  of  that 
country  as  the  Fatherland. 


"  Rough  on  Rats" — the  Typographical  Union. 


THE    WASP 


ON     THE     TRAP. 


From  my  cell  to  this  place  is  exactly  thirty-seven 
paces.  I  wonder  why  I  counted  them  ?  God 
knows  I've  something  else  more  important  to  think 
about.  Thirty-seven  !  A  three  and  a  seven.  It 
seems  to  me  I've  read  somewhere  that  the  figures 
three  and  seven  have  some  kind  of  a  mystic  sig- 
nificance. Thirty-seven  !  What  is  he  saying  I 
"  Oh  Christ,  have  mercy  on  this  poor  sinner." 
Is  thei-e  a  Christ  ?  Can  his  mercy  benefit  me  ? 
What  is  the  use  of  prayer  ?  How  do  they  know 
that  there  is  a  God  of  Love — a  Christ  who  died  to 
save  poor,  weak,  sinful  mortals — murderers  ?  Was 
I  created  to  s+and  here  to-day  ?  Did  my  Creator, 
omniscient,  all-powerful,  merciful,  thrust  me  into 
an  existence  for  which  I  never  sought  ?  If  this  is 
true — if  the  great  God  who  loveth  all  things  knew, 
when  he  created  me,  that  I  should  come  to  this, 
that  I  was  destined  to  commit  a  crime  against  the 
laws  of  my  fellow-man  and  suffer  a  million  death 
agonies  ere  my  final  punishment,  is  he  a  just  God 
—a  good  God  1  And  will  the  prayers  of  my  fallow- 
men,  weak  and  uncertain  in  their  knowledge  as  I 
am,  avail  me  now,  in  this  my  final  mortal  extrem- 
ity 1  I  suppose  that  short  crack  in  the  platform  at 
my  feet  is  one  edge  of  the  trap,  I  wonder  whether 
the  hinges  upon  which  this  palpable  door  of  death 
swings  are  in  front  of  me  or  behind  me.  I  wonder 
whether  they  are  anything  like  the  hinges  of  other 
doors.  How  silent  they  all  are.  I  wonder  what 
they  are  going  to  do  now.  Straps  ?  What  is 
the  use  of  straps  'I  Ah,  now  I  understand.  How 
quick  they  work.  And  the  clicking  of  the  buckles 
— how  loud  they  sound.  One  could  almost  imagine 
them  the  clicking  of  the  teeth  of  some  hideous,  rav- 
enous monster.  And  they  bind  me  in  folds  as  tight 
and  as  deadly  as  the  anaconda.  Arms,  knees, 
ankles— pinioned  in  a  grip  that  only  death  shall 
loosen.  It  will  soon  be  over  now.  A  few,  short, 
precious  moments  and  I  shall  dangle  at  the  end  of 
the  rope,  a  writhing,  helpless  thing  of  clay — a  clod — 
a  corpse.  How  pale  they  all  are,  those  people 
down  below.  Some  of  them  clench  their  hands  and 
grit  their  teeth  as  they  gaze  upon  me  standing  here 
on  the  crumbling  edge  of  my  grave.  I  wonder  if 
any  of  them  sympathize  with  me  in  my  awful  ex- 
tremity ?  No.  I  see  nothing  but  horror  in  their 
faces — horror  braced  by  the  memory  of  the  murder 
I  have  done. 

Yes,  there  is  one  group  calm  enough.  Those 
young  men  at  my  right,  in  the  corridor  there,  are 
as  unmoved  as  if  they  were  witnessing  a  simple 
drama — a  comedy,  perhaps,  so  poorly  performed 
that  they  refuse  to  damn  it  with  even  a  sarcastic 
smile.  And  I  think  I  have  seen  some  of  them  be- 
fore. I  am  certain  I  have.  They  are  newspaper 
reporters.  That  long-necked  fellow  with  the  sharp 
nose  and  the  dirty  shirt  collar  interviewed  me  in 
the  City  Prison,  and  because  I  refused  to  answer 
his  questions,  lied  about  me  in  his  paper— said  I 
had  a  villainous,  hang-dug  expression  of  counten- 
ance and  a  general  appearance  of  beetle-browed 
brutality.  No  wonder  he  can  contemplate  my 
misery  calmly.  And  that  other  young  man,  with 
the  red  hair  and  the  bob-tailed  coat,  who  writes 
half  the  time  without  looking  at  his  paper — I've 
seen  him  too.  He  came  to  my  cell  here  after  I  was 
condemned  and  asked  me  how  I  felt— whether  I  was 
going  to  make  a  written  confession  or  reserve  it  for 
my  dying  speech  on  the  scaffold.  And  then  he 
wrote  a  lot  of  hog  wash  about  what  I  had  to  eat  and 
how  soundly  I  slept,  and  who  were  my  death  watch, 
and  derided  the  kind  young  ladies  who  brought 
me  flowers,  and  cake  and  wine.  They're  cold- 
blooded wretches,  regarding  human  misery  as  so 
much  provender  for  their  ghoulish  newspapers  and 
their  patrons.  I  suppose  that  while  I  am  dying 
they  will  scramble  to  my  side  to  hear  the  doctor 
count  the  beating  of  my  pulse  or  the  wild  throb- 
bing of  my  heart.  Curses  on  them,  curses  on 
them  !  A  dying  man's  curse  go  with  them,  and 
may  they  live  to  suffer  the  agonies  I  am  suffering 
now,  ten  thousand  times  over.  A  curse — Ha  ! 
Take  it  off— horror  !  Light— light — oh  cruel,  re- 
lentless men  !  Mercy  !  One  more  glimpse  of  the 
bright  sunshine,  only  one  more — for  God's  sake 
give  me  light — air — I  cannot  die  like  this — too  late 
— too  late. 

****** 

The  sunshine  has  come  at  last.  It  bathes  the 
flower  spangled  slopes  of  a  beautiful  landscape  with 
a  radiance  as  soft  and  mellow  as  the  dream  of  a 
twilight  in  Eden.  The  linnets  are  singing  their 
vesper  hymns  in  the  swaying  branches  of  the  beech 
trees  and  the  blackbird  pipes  in  the  field  of  yellow 
com  by  the  dusty  road  side.     There  are|subtle  odors 


creeping  up  from  the  river  below  and  a  gentle 
wind  rustles  the  clambering  jasmine  and  honey- 
suckle beside  the  cottage  door.  Slowly  the  sun 
sinks  behind  the  Western  hills  and  a  crimson  glory 
flames  to  the  zenith  like  the  streaming  banners 
floating  above  the  battlements  of  Paradise.  A 
filmy  haze — a  twilight  veil,  shrouding  the  face  of 
nature  at  her  loveliest  Indian  summer  period— lies 
along  the  emerald  slopes,  and  the  shrill  song  of  the 
cricket  begins  to  greet  the  coming  night.  Then 
the  flaming  banners  above  the  fading  hills  droop 
and  disappear,  and  the  stars  came  out  in  the  clear 
sky  above  the  vine-clad  cottage.  At  the  door  of 
that  cottage  sits  a  grey-haired  mother  and  her 
blue-eyed  boy— a  child  scarcely  in  his  teens.  And 
the  mother,  in  a  voice  as  soft  and  low  and  melodi- 
ous as  the  murmur  of  a  woodland  rill,  tells  her  boy 
of  his  duty  as  a  man.  She  warns  him  of  the  evils 
that  lie  in  his  path.  She  teaches  him  the  golden 
rule  of  humanity — do  unto  others  even  as  you 
would  have  them  do  unto  you.  And  the  boy, 
clasping  the  mother  to  his  innocent  heart,  promises 
to  keep  her  counsel — promises  that  when  tempta- 
tion shall  spread  her  wiles  to  lure  him  from  the 
path  of  virtue  and  rectitude  her  memory  shall  be 
his  shield  in  the  battle  for  the  right.  Sunshine  at 
last — the  blessed  sunshine  of  a  mother's  love  glim- 
mering like  a  heaven-born  flame  even  through  the 
dread  pall  of  death.     Sunshine  at  last. 

****** 

But  alas,  too  late,  too  late  ! 

He  Who  Was  Han<;ei>. 
Sam  Francisco,  March  28,  188$. 


"  AS     1THERS     SEE     US. " 


The  Sac  Francisco  correspondent  of  the  New 
York  Sun  is  unable  to  take  a  roseate  view  of  Pacific 
Coast  matters.  He  finds  things  going  as  things 
should  not  go,  and  is  not  favorably  impressed  even 
by  our  climate.  After  writing  in  a  recent  letter  at 
some  length  of  the  strained  and  not  very  amicable 
relations  between  California  and  the  National 
Government — or  rather  some  of  its  departments — 
he  continues  : 

But  outside  of  Washington,  California  has  plonty 
ot  home  grievances — enough  certainly  to  make  life 
emotional  to  those  whom  it  may  concern.  A  comic 
weekly  in  San  Francisco  thus  starts  in  upon  the 
"  News  o'  the  Week  :  " 

SMASH  !  BANG  !  * 

FRAUDS    IN  THE  .STREET    DEPARTMENT. 

FRAUDS  IN  THE  MEASUREMENT  OF  VEXXKLS. 

FRAUDS  IN  THE  STATE  PRISONS. 

FRAUDS  IN  THE  PENSION  OFFICE. 

FRAUDS  IN  THE    HARBOR  COMMISSION. 

Every  item  in  this  catalogue  has  been  charged 
anH  discussed  in  the  press,  but  all  have  failed  to 
raise  a  riot  or  stir  the  stones  of  mutiny. 

And  now  comes  a  grand  debate  before  a  joint 
committee  of  the  Legislature  as  to  the  right  of 
lawmakers  to  take  the  waters  of  rivers  and  turn 
the  same  into  canals  for  the  purposes  of  irrigation. 
River  farmers  object,  of  course,  and  legal  gentle- 
men are  called  in.  What  the  end  will  be  remains 
to  be  seen. 

Among  the  latest  imbroglios  is  the  unpleasant- 
ness over  the  Spring  Valley  Water  Works.  Can- 
didates for  office  in  San  Francisco  promised  last 
fall  to  reduce  city  water  rates.  When  the  Board 
of  Supervisors  put  their  pledges  to  the  test,  the 
water  company  shut  down  its  supply.  In  this 
dilemma  an  injunction  is  sued  out  of  the  United 
States  Circuit  Court  against  the  Supervisors  to 
prevent  that  body  from  reducing  water  rates. 
Probably  this  is  not  disagreeable  to  Supervisors, 
as  it  excuses  these  functionaries  from  fulfilment  of 
ante-election  promises,  impracticable  after  election. 

In  the  city  of  Oakland,  eight  miles  across  the 
bay  from  San  Fraacisco,  there  is  not  a  foot  of 
ground  that  has  not  been  litigated  in  the  courts 
about  six  times.  Come  to  farming  lands,  specu- 
lators have  ownership  of  these.  They  are  held  at 
prices  above  ordinary  farmers'  means. 

When  money  loans  go  bagging  at  six  per  cent, 
per  annum  in  a  new,  undeveloped  country,  my 
opinion  is  that  enterprise  is  dying  out.  When 
such  a  state  of  affairs  within  six  years  supersedes 
one  and  even  two  per  cent,  per  month  for  loans,  a 
great  change  has  certainly  taken  place.  The  city 
of  Oakland,  of  35,000  population,  appears  to  me  to 
be  absolutely  finished.  It  is  the  boarding-house  or 
tender  to  San  Francisco,  and  residences,  it  is  said, 
can  be  purchased  at  half  of  the  original  cost  of  con- 
struction.    Mechanics  came,  bought  ground,  and 


borrowed    to    build.       Business    fell    away,    and  I 
labor  sought  employment  elsewhere,  leaving  saving  j 
banks  proprietors  of   more  real    estate  than   theBe 
bankers  care  to  own.     This  is    what   I   hear   from 
citizens,  some  of  whom  may   be   croakers.     Irriga- 
tion is  to  be  the   important   consideration   of   the 
future.     Riparian  owners  object  to  the  diversion  of 
natural  water  courses   into    canals    for  tillage,  and  I 
the  country  cannot  rely  upon  rain. 

The  press  here  is  a  contradiction.  The  BulleM 
and  Call  commend  what  the  Chronicle  condemns. 
Each  insists  that  the  other  is  a  hired  advocate. 
Pixley's  Argonaut  skirmished  for  monopoly.  The 
Wasp  combats  Pixley.  It  assails  the  Orerlwm 
Monthly,  and  so  also  does  Pixley.  Which  is  right 
in  these  internecine  wars  'tis  impossible  for  a 
stranger  to  find  out.  The  people  seem  to  have  loBt 
confidence  in  this  extreme  western  journalism. 
And  now  you  have  a  bird's-eve  view  of  affairs  aa  I 
see  them. 


*As  we  are  the  "  comic  "  paper  here  quoted,  we  venture 
to  explain  that  these  words,  "  smash  "  and  "bang,  "  have 
no  reference  to  what  follows  ;  they  were  our  characteris- 
ticatly  comprehensive  news  reports  of  the  Tehachapai 
railway  disaster  and  the  Berkeley  powder-mill  terror, 
respectively.  By  the  the  way,  in  the  light— the  Gray 
dawn,  as  it  were— of  official  knowledge,  does  there  not  ap- 
pear to  be  a  certain  significance  in  the  last  line  here 
quoted  from  our  issue  of  Jan.  27  ? 


TALES     BY     BYSHE. 


THE    RECREANT     KNIGHT. 


11  The  door  bell  shall  not  ring  to-night  !  Cpoa 
my  grandsire's  liver  pad  I  swear  it !  "  And  Mildred 
O'Finnegan's  fair,  Fenian  face  seemed  to  swell  and 
slop  over  with  stern  determination  as  she  stuffed  a 
wad  of  cotton  into  the  brazen  bell  of  the  household 
annunciator.  For  Milred's  lover,  the  brave  and 
debonair  Pat  Rician,  had  promised  to  extend  his 
beat  to-night  until  he  reached  her  side.  "  For  by 
my  faith,  sweet  one,"  said  he,  "  the  warrior  is  not 
missed  from  his  post  in  the  Cimmerian  darkness 
which  overhangs  the  city."  So  it  was  that  Mildred 
wished  to  spend  a  few  brief  moments  of  happiness 
undistured  ;  and  she  deemed  her  paltry  three  dol- 
lars a  week  well  earned  without  being  forever 
waitin'  on  that  stuck-up  hussy  in  the  parlor  and 
lettin'  in  young  spalpeens  in  plug  hats  who  come 
a-coortin'  entoirely.  But  now  her  trials  are  re- 
membered no  longer,  for  is  he  not  coming  1  Ayejf 
he  is  here  !  And  Mildred  springs  to  his  arms. 
There  is  a  sound  like  a  cow  pulling  her  foot  out  of 
the  mud,  or  the  expiring  echoes  of  a  bath-tub,  and 
—clear  and  shrill  a  police  whistle  rang  out  on  the 
next  block,  and  hastily  unclasping  her  arms  the 
gallant  Pat  hastened  to  his  deserted  post, 
leaving  Mildred  in  an  agony  of  fear  lest  in 
beguiling  him  from  his  duty  she  had  got  him  the 
bounce.  Minutes  seemed  hours,  and  hours  days  as 
she  waited,  when  at  last  he  appeared,  and  in 
answer  to  her  appealing  look  said  slowly  and  sadly  ; 
"  Lady  of  my  heart,  my  reputation  is  gone  '  The 
villain  garroters  had  seized  a  rascal  merchant  and 
before  I  arrived  they  pillaged  him  completely  ! 
Didn't  leave  even  a  half  dollar  with  a  hole  in  it  for 
me  !     I  am  ruined  !  " 

11  Did  you  look  in  all  his  pockets  ?  "  anxiously 
inquired  Mildred. 

"  Alas,   I  did." 

Mildred  fainted. 

DREAMS. 

"  I  dreamed  last  night  that  I  was  married,  but 
woke  up  before  I  found  out  to  whom  ;  "  said  the 
drygoods  clerk  young  man  as  he  sat  at  his  boarding 
house  breakfast  table  last  Sunday  morning  and  he 
cast  a  look  of  languishing  tenderness  at  the  young 
lady  in  curl  papers  who  sat  opposite.  The  young 
lady  looked  coquettish  and  the  Chinese  shavings  in 
her  hair  smiled  approbation,  but  just  here  the  sad- 
faced  married  lodger  cast  a  futive  glance  at  his 
spouse  and  said  regretfully  :  "  I  found  out  what  I 
was  married  to  after  I  woke  up.  I  never  did  have 
any  luck  !  "  Then  he  suddenly  retired  into  his, 
coffee  cup  as  he  caught  his  wife's  eye,  and  the 
bachelor  boarder  remarked  :  "  Well,  I've  dreamed 
that  I  was  falling  down  a  precipice  9,000  feet  high  ; 
that  a  wild  bull  was  after  me  ;  that  I  was  standing 
barefooted  in  ten  acres  of  snakes  ;  that  an  elevator 
had  broken  loose  in  the  sixth  story  with  me  in  it  ; 
even  that  some  one  hit  me  in  the  stomach  with  one 
of  our  landlady's  mince  pies  ;  but  thank  God,  I 
never  had  such  a  frightful  nightmare  as  that  T  was. 
married  !  Young  man,  you  ate  too  much  hash  for 
supper  last  night," 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 
The  old  and  well  known  house  of  ,1.    W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
Bim  remove  1  to  the  comer  of   Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


/Zfrr&zSjfrcs  ^Z^s^S~~ 


LYDIA  E,   PINKHAM'S 

VEGETAELE  COMPOUND. 

A  Sure  Core   for   all   FE3IAI»E  WEAK- 
NESSES*   Including1   Leucorrboea,    Ir- 
regular and  Painful  Menstruation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb*    Flooding,   PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  Ac. 
fcsTPleasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  Immediate 
in  its  effect.    It  is  a  great  help  In  pregnancy,  and   re- 
lieves pain  during  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
FITYSKTiSS  TSE  IT  AND  rttESlEIRE  IT  FREELY. 
.STFob  aix  Weaknesses  of  the  generative  organa 
of  either  sex,  it  Is  second  tono  remedy  that  ha    o  ,  r 
been  before  the  public;  and  for  all   diseases  of  the 
Kidkets  it  is  the  Greatest  Semcd  y  in  the  World. 
^"KIDNEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Fiod  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LTDIA  E.  PIAKMAM'S  BLOOD  PURlTTER 

wiil  eradicate  every-  vestige  of  Huuior.s  from  1 1  l ■  _- 
Bi'iod.at  the  same  time  trill  give  tone  and  strength  t .» 
the  system.    As  marvellous  in  results  as  the  Compound. 

GTBoth  the  Compound  and  Blood  THriHer  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Kacs 
Price  of  cither,  SI.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  The  Ccnipoun  1 
is  sent  by  mail  in  the  form  of  pill?,  -v  of  Iozenge$,on 
receipt  of  price,  §1  per  box  for  either.  Mr  ■.  Pinkhom 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3  cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  this  Paper. 

3-Lron  E.  Pkeuh's  Livni  Pills  cure  Const'pa- 
;jon.  Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  Liv.  r.    25  cettts. 
«5*SoId  by  all  I)ruggists.*Tia         r  , 


DR. THOMASJH  ALL'S 


Bitter 

MSGLUTgir     PURF, 

A  delightful  appetizer,  tpving  tone  md  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonicis  most  beneficial  in  its  results;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicul  Qualities  excels  anv 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

£5TForsale  everywhere  thrroughout'the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drugstore,  cor.  New 
M  >nt»  unary  an  1  Howard  street*,  Sm  Francis-io. 


&£T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
1  Physical  Debility,  Vital    Ex- 

■:■■.  -  ■   M.-itihoodand 

all  !h._-  terrible  results  of  nbuS'.-d  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  wc.Tfcenin^  drains 
upon  the  system. ' 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  §2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  Sio.oo 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.  0.   SALFIELD. 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


$72 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

O 
No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  rhia  coun-  CD 
try  as.  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled    the   celebrated   Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.    Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,   this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
PILFQ         THIS    distressing   com- 
rlb&gi  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.    Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
42-   tS"If  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  SI.  I  USE  I    Druggists  Sell 


KIDNEY-WORT 


A  WEEK.     $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE 

fc^TRY  PFUNDER'S 


imw 


m 


Mi 


yURES  ALL  PAINS:  NICE   TO    USE! 

RHODES  A  <<>.,  Druggists,  San  Jose.  California. 


DEALERSJN"    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

3)0   ^ansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


,i  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  i  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


FOR 
Aolhniu,  Concha, 

Colds*  <  roup,  1 11  - 
Qneiun,  BroneblU*, 

Cfitnrrh,  Whoopln™- 

Congb,    Loss  of  Voice,  Incipient  i  onsnmpl  Ion  ,  mid  n 

Throat  nn«l    Lung  Troul»I<-. 

In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  .severest  Form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  Bse  of  it  ia 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOR    THE 

California     Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND    TAKE    NO     OTIIKIE.        Price.    56    (Tills. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co.,  Druggists,  Prop'rs. 
4U  Bsuuome  Street,  cor.  Commercial,  s.  F. 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£*  O  O  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
\f  /-C  O  Francisco— Eetabllehed 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
SpeciBl  Diseases.  Lost  Manhood,  De- 
bility, or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
eick  and  afflicted  should  nnt  fall  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  hae  tra- 
veled extensively  In  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hOB- 
pitals  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Persons"  atVdistance  may  be  OTJRED  AT  HUME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1057.  San  Fran* 
ciBco,    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


H.  R.  MACFARLANE. 


Geo.  W.  Macfarlane. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 


FIRE-PROOF     ISI  1 1.1(1  \c. .V. 

Honolulu.  Hawaiian 


HI  I  IN      STREET, 
Mauds. 


I  CURE  FITS 


Wnon  I  say  euro,  I  do  not  mean 
merely  to  stop  them  for  a  time  and 
then  have  them  return  again,  I 
_  mean  aradlcnlcure.  I  havo  made 
the  dlsea.se  of  FITS,  EPILEPSV  or  FALLING  SICKNESS  a  lifelong 
study.  I  warrant  my  remedy  to  cure  the  worst  cases.  Because  others 
have  failed  Is  no  reason  for  not  now  receiving  a  euro.  Send  at  once 
for  a  treatise  and  a  Free  Bottle  of  my  Infallible  remedy.  Give  Express 
and  Post  Office.  It  ooata  ybU  nntliinc  fur  a  trial,  and  I  will  euro  you- 
Address  Dr.  H.  G.  ROOT,  163  Pearl  Street,  New  York. 


220 

222 


BUSH      BTl^IEIET 


224 
22S 


The    Largest    Stock:— The    Latest    Styles. 


CALL    AND    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


I^ANu 


F4CTURING    OOWp 


tftf 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See    Local. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS- BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  «SThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  84. 
Meals,  25  cents.  «S"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


COLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHLIi  HOSS,  Je., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


OLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottliog  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  SST  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co. ,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 

GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  £3T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cuke  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal.  

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co. ,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
US"  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
'  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  JKf  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal. ,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
*  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
AST  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     S^'A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
ished  in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  ^Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 

TATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 

State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 

city.     Good  rooms,  good  table.     Board  and  Lodging, 

S6  to  S12  per  week.     Family  Rooms,  $1  to  $2. 50.    Meals, 

25  cents.    Free  omnibus.    Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 

5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

HE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.     C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.     £2TThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price" — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

rM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


Y  V  ~  -  442%*  I434-*  ;  J$jf -PfNE  ST  NEAR  POLK 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK  YOUR   GROCER   FOR   "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     SM  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  S4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  §5  to  S6.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  AST  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  £5T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
1  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Hai-ness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street. 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


A.TTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  (tSTPrin- 
cipal  office,  Room  No.  1.  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  8500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  (t^THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every  Variety  of  Plain  and  Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch  at 

Lowest  Rates.     Orders  by  Mail  receive 

prompt  attention. 

E.  C.  Huglies, 

5ii    Sansome    Street, 

Cor.'. .^,..^-  SAN    FRANCISCO] 


SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  'desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  '  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers;  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street. 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace* 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton"  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

CATARRH  OF  THE  BLADDER. 

Stinging  irritation,  inflammation,  all  Kidney  and  Urin- 
ary complaints,  cured  by  "  Buchu-paiba. "     SI.    '■ 


SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP"  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the   Most    Delicate. 


(This  Engraving  represents  the  Lung3  io  a  health;  state. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 

Couhs,  Colds, 

Croup. 

And  Other  Throat  anil    Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  I 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

CAUTION. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it    has  No  Equal. 

FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 

^C    4-f-k    QQfl  Per  day  at  home-     Samples  worth  S5   free. 
J)J    IU   3)£U  Address  Stlnsox  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


THE     WASP. 


11 


FOREIGN     FUN. 

PEEKCH. 

Little  James  is  at  the  bedside  of  his  sick  grand- 
mother. 

"Ah,  my  poor  child  !  "  said  the  old  lady.  "I 
am  very  ill  ;    I  am  going  to  die  !  " 

"  Why  will  you  die,  dear  grandma  ?  "  asked 
Jimmy,  simply.  '-Is  it  because  the  good  God 
needs  an  old  angel  ?  " 

A  wife  helps  her  intoxicated  husband  to  undress 
and  go  to  bed.  "Do  you  need  anything  '"  she 
asks,  sweetly. 

"  N<>,  not  at  this  moment,  but  you  can  wake  me 
when  T  get  thirsty." 

A  foolish  fellow  writes  to  a  friend.  '*  Why,"  his 
patron  asks.  "  have  you  written  in  such  great  let- 
ters ?  "  He  replies  with  an  air  of  supreme  cun- 
ning,  "  Because  he  is  deaf." 

Saint  Marc  Girardin  told  of  a  pupil  with  whom 
he  was  talking  of  French  frontiers,  and  to  make 
him  speak  of  Alsatia  he  asked  : 

"  What  was  the  greatest  conquest  made  by  Louis 
XIV.  (  " 

"  Mademoiselle  de  La  ATalliere  !  r  was  the  prompt 
reply. 


GERMAN. 

LtADT. — I  am  really  not  clear  about  the  relation 
of  natural  laws  to  accident. 

Gentleman. — Now,  here  is  example  enough. 
When  you  seek  a  husband,  that  is  a  law  of  nature, 
and  if  he  is  happy  with  you,  that  is  an  accident. 


The  remarkable  servant. 

Mrs.  Lehman. — Mrs.  Schultz,  I  envy  you  your 
servant ;    she  is  so  industrious. 

Mrs.  Schultz. — Yes,  you  see  she  is  spry  as  a 
squirrel  ;  in  the  morning  she  washes  me,  at  noon- 
time she  cooks  me  and  in  the  afternoon  she  hangs 
me  up  ! 


A  musical  family. 

First  Student. — Did  you  have  a  good  time  this 
vacation  I 

Second  Student. — No;  my  folks  are  too  mu- 
sical for  me.  Mother  plays  the  zither,  my  two 
sisters  play  the  piano,  and  father  always  plays  the 
hog. 

Musician. — If  you  want  the  best  ball  music  we 
need  at  least  eight  violins. 

Bonanza  King. — Can't  we  take  four  large  ones 
instead  ? 

At  a  puppet-show.       Court-scene. 

Judge. — Now.  Count  Eberhard,  raise  your  right 
hand  for  the  oath.  (Here  the  manager  pulls  the 
wrong  string  and  the  noble  count  lifts,  instead  of  his 
right  hand,  his  right  leg.) 

Voice  from  the  Audience. — Is  that  legal  ? 


First  Minister.— It  would  annoy  me  very  much 
to  have  people  leave  in  the  middle  of  my  sermon, 
as  they  treated  you  this  morning. 

Second  Minister. — Why  be  annoyed  ?  That  is 
only  a  sign  I  have  preached  a  very  moving  sermon. 

Mother.— Pauline,  I  observed  you  last  evening. 
When  with  Max  you  forgot  all  reserve. 

Daughter. — 0,  mamma,  you  know  I  am  so 
dreadfully  forgetful  ! 

Boy  of  the  Period.— You  have  whipped  me, 
papa,  and  I  had  to  endure  it.  But  I  swear  to  you 
I  will  fearfully  revenge  myself  on  your  lovely  grand- 
daughter ! 

"  How  does  it  happen,  Mrs.  B.,  that  you  always 
say  '  my  blessed  man,'  when  you  speak  of  your 
husband  ?  He  is  alive  and  rejoices  in  the  best 
of  health." 

"  Yes,  but  you  know  I  was  accustomed  to  say  it 
of  my  three  previous  husbands." 

"  Only  think,  Professor,  my  cousin  who  went  to 
your  school  has  been  hung  in  America.  You  could 
not  have  dreamed  of  that." 

"And  why  not?  Have  I  not  more  than  once 
prophesied  that  he  would  sometime  occupy  a  high 
position  ?  " 

Saphir  wanted  a  man's  wife  to  be  :  the  honey  of 
life  ;    the  sugar-pea  in  the  husk  of  being  ;    the  fat 


on  the  broth  of  his  existence  ;  the  pike-liver  in  the 
great  earthly  time  of  fasting  ;  the  festive  Christ- 
mas-tree in  the  child's  mart  of  humanity  ;  and  thn 
wonderful  spiral-spring  in  the  machinery  of  the 
world. 


The  Vienna  tenor,  Franz  Broulick,  was  register- 
ing his  name  at  a  hotel,  when  the  clerk,  looking 
over  his  shoulder,  said  : 

"But,  Herr  Broulick,  your  name  is  always  writ- 
ten with  ck." 

"  K  is  enough,"  answered  the  renowned  tenor, 
"  the  c  I  always  carry  with  me." 

The  professor  propounds  a  terrible  three-cornered 
question  in  trigonometry. 

Student  {muttering  to  the  other  students). — How 
should  I  know  that  >     The  professor  is  a  fool  ! 

Professor. — What  ?  Say  that  once  more— per- 
haps that  was  correct. 


A  temperance  lecturer  is  found  by  one  of  his  ac- 
quaintances in  a  very  much  intoxicated  condition. 

You  find  me,"  he  says,  "in  the  midst  of  the 
performance  of  my  duty.  Tuesday,  Thursday  and 
Sunday  I  speak  against  intemperance,  and  the  rest 
of  the  week  I  make  myself  a  frightful  example  !  " 


WOMAN'S    CHIEF    DELIGHT. 

Anions  a  group  of  men  the  question  rose- 
' '  What  does  a  woman  love  the  best  ?  "    Whi  ■  knows  ? 
One  cried:  "  To  dress,"  and  one  exclaimed  'twas  "Man" 
The  third  believed  "To  dance  !"  all  else  outran. 
The  fourth  said  "Coffee  !  "—fifth  :  "To  clean — to  clean  !' 
The  sixth  :  "  Her  head  to  other  gossips  lean  !  " 
No  two  agreed  ;   each  thought  he  only  knew. 
In  silence  one  old  man  had  heard  them  through, 
Then  to  the  wranglers  turning  with  sly  leer, 
"  What  each  has  named,"   said   he,    "  to  her  is  dear, 
Yet  better  loved  one  thing— are  you  at  loss  ? 
'Tis  this  -you  hear  me,  friends — it  is  to  Boss  !  " 
With  one  consent  then  frankly  all  admit  it : 
"  That  man- -that  man  has  accurately  hit  it !  " 

—Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson. 


Since  no  San  Francisco  journalist  can  aBpire  to 
the  affection  of  his  proprietor  without  having  the 
reputation  of  composing  a  play,  the  local  scribes 
are  all  hard  at  work.  Even  the  venerable  Mr. 
Bartlett,  than  who  no  more  conscientious  gentle- 
man walks  the  green  face  of  God's  earth,  is  burn- 
ing the  midnight  oil  over  a  melodrama.  The  first 
and  second  acts  are  now  complete,  and  have  been 
submitted  to  Mr.  George  Barnes,  of  the  Call. 

"  Ah,"  said  Barnes  to  a  friend,  after  persuing 
Mr.  Bartlett's  play,  "  it  is  thrilling  and  bewilder- 
ing. A  newspaper  proprietor  falls  in  love  with  a 
female  compositor.  She  scorns  him,  and  the  cur- 
tain falls  on  the  second  act  as  she  brains  him  with 
a  brass  column-rule.  I  believe  the  author  intends 
to  close  the  piece  with  the  suicide  of  this  female, 
who  swallows  a  cup  of  molten  type-metal,  and  ex- 
pires in  the  arms  of  the  proof-reader,  for  whom  she 
entertained  an  unrequited  affection." 

We  expected  purer  and  better  things  from  Mr. 
Bartlett— something  redolent  of  the  Oakland  foot- 
hills, and  breezy  with  puffs  of  Alameda  county 
real  estate. 


Lady  Florence  Dixie  and  Emma  Bond  are 
arcades  ambo,  both  arch  liars,  if  there  be  any  virtue 
in  common  sense  analysis.  For  no  sooner  has 
Emma  read  of  the  attack  on  Florence,  than  she 
immediately  tells  a  pitiful  tale  of  an  attempted 
abduction  :  how  a  body  of  masked  men  entered  her 
chamber,  and  endeavored  to  drag  her  through  the 
window.  The  fact  is  that  the  majority  of  our 
women  starve  for  notoriety,  and  lie  themselves  into 
the  newspapers,  if  there  be  no  legitimate  avenue  to 
fame.  Miss  Bond's  first  tale  was  no  doubt  correct, 
but  we  discredit  the  sequel.  Lady  Florence  may 
have  been  quite  right  about  the  Land  League 
funds,  but  we  doubt  the  assault. 


Some  of  our  Californian  poets  strain  in  an  agon- 
ized manner  for  new  measures,  new  under  pen 
twistings  of  old  ones,  but  seldom  bother  about 
hunting  for  new  ideas.  For  example,  in  the  last 
number  of  the  Overland,  Amelia  Woodward  Trues- 
dell  felt  inspired  to  address  Michael  Angelo,  blind. 
The  lady  writes  of  Michael's  "smir-eyes,  adazed  for 
beauty's  sight."  We  do  not  like  this.  It  is 
capable  of  application  to  a  case  where  a  zealous 
lover  Btnote  a  rival  in  the  eye  for  winking  at  his 
sweetheart,  and  the  Lothario  was  taken  home  in  a 
truck  with  "  smit  eyes,  adazed  for  beauty's  sight. 


TALK     ABOUT    THEATERS. 


rhow  ■■.  ho  have  a  greater  interest  in  the  success  of  the- 
atrical enterprises  than  in  the  proaped 

nave  regarded  the  wee! 

All  tli"  places  of  amusement  auffi  red 

-tendance,  ami 
of  all.    This  i-  n..t   at  all  Btrang*  ;   »lth<   i 
merited  reputation  for  cleverness,  as  well  a 
Btance  that  they  have  enjoy    I  rei     pop 

past  years,  might  have  influx  .,-  prospects 

to  better  result*.  But  it  must  he  apparent  ■  ■,,  to  those 
who  are  most  prepossessed  in  their  favor  that  the  style  of 
their  performance  did  no    keep  pa*  thi  js  of 

the  times;  that  it  is  .-.imply:!  bare  repetition  ol  b 
naif  parlor  burlesque,  and  thai  their  performance  ie  in 
many  reBpects  inferior  to  a  majority  of  those  who  took 
their  cue  from  them  ami  are  now  following  in  their  wake. 
It  is  very  like  an  old  and  Buperanuated  stern-wheeler, 
whose  wake  ie  much  more  conspicuous  than  the  boat  itself. 

It    is    unfortunate  for  them  that  the    Harrisons    are  here 

and  offer  opportunity  for  comparison  While  one  not  ac- 
customed  to  burlesque-performances  maj  be  satisfied  with 
the  idiosyncracies  of  Belles  oftJu  Kitchen  or  Fun  in  a  Fog, 

even  the  most  iM.-:<"li:ir.l.-n.>d  attendant  upon  Buch  diver- 
sions must  confess  to  intense  amusement  at  the  pranks  and 
vagaries  of  Photos.  The  Vokeshaveadded  nothing  to  then- 
repertoire,  and  have  deteriorated  in  style  and  voice,  [tie 
true  they  are  still  genial  and  try  to  impress  with  their 
merriment;  but  somehow  their  fun  Bounds  dreary,  their 

jokes  are  old  and  musty  and  do  not  seem  to  fchrii  e ■■  - 

urrection.  Their  entire  performance  i-  so  commonplace 
that  we  could  readily  imagine  an  impromptu  assemblage 
of  amateurs  who  could  upon  the  spur  of  the  moment, 
while  the  folding-doors  of  the  parlor  hide  them  for  a  brief 
space,  agree  upon  just  such  an  entertainment,  and  per- 
form the  same  at  once  with  almost  as  good  effect. 

At  the  Bush  Street  Theater  Photos  seem  to  have  capti- 
vated the  public,  and,  rain  or  shine,  the  Harrisonn   and 

their  talented  company  are  fully  appreciated. 

In  last  week's  "Talk"  the  possibility  of  Lingard  and 
Company  becoming  permanent  residents  among  us  was 
apprehensively  foreshadowed  ;  and  already  the  initiatory 
step  haa  been  taken  by  our  Shrievalty  to  induce  them  to 
remain.  One  should  never  conjure  the  ghost  of  such  a 
possibility  while  writ  aud  capias  can  be  democratically 
served  upon  the  princes  of  the  drama. 

My  Son  in- Law,  at  the  Baldwin  Theater,  meets  with  a 
fair  amount  of  appreciation  and  has  lost  none  of  its  amus- 
ing properties  by  temporary  retirement.  The  cast  is  i 
good  one,  and  the  French  dancing-master  as  entertaining 
a  bit  of  comedy  as  can  be  found  anywhere. 

At  theTivoli  the  constant  desire  for  change  on  the  part 
of  the  patrons  of  that  popular  place  of  amusement  exer- 
cised its  pressure  and  Afanola  has  been  substituted  for 
Maritana.  The  meritorious  first  performance  of  that 
operette  is  surpassed  by  its  present  representation  which 
is  now  a  creditable  one. 

Last  week's  German  performance  was  one  of  the  most 
enjoyable  of  the  season.  A  comedietta  by  Fritz  Reuter,  a 
kind  of  German  Bret  Harte,  proved  irresistibly  amusing, 
and  was  followed  by  a  character  sketch  wherein  Mr.  Ur- 
ban had  the  opportunity  entirely  to  rehabilitate  himself 
as  the  favorite  comedian— a  distinction  of  which  he  is  fully 
deserving.  To-morrow  evening  that  excellent  company 
will  appear  for  the  last  time  during  this  season  in  Bird- 
letst  a  farce  with  songs,  from  the  French  of  Labtche. 
April  8th  has  been  decided  upon  as  the  evening  upon 
which  Mine.  Genec,  the  clever  manageress  of  the  German 
Company,  will  be  tendered  a  complimentary  benefit. 

Emerson's  seem  least  affected  by  the  inclemency  of  the 
weather  or  other  unfavorable  conditions.  And  qq  won- 
der ;  forthey  are  thoroughly  entertaining  from  beginning 
to  end.  The  Turkish  Patrol,  the  specialities,  and  the 
burlesque  Patiemr  are  extremely  rlo\ef  and  ;uini  in-  per- 
formances. 

The  Theodore  Thomas  concert  seaason  seems  to  be  in 
good  hands  :  rehearsals  have  already  commenced  and  spe- 
cial care  has  been  exercised  in  the  selection  of  the  voices  ; 
Mr.  Loring  is  determined  to  sacrifice  quantity  for  quality 
and  is  to  be  commended  for  this  resolve.  The  chorus  will 
comprise  about  five  hundred  carefully  selected  voices  ; 
musical  culture  and  pleasing  quality  alone  being  consid- 
ered. The  scores  of  Mendelssohn's  ''Hymn  of  Praise" 
are  already  distributed,  and  two  special  rehearsals  per 
week,  as  well  as  one  mass-rehearsal  per  month,  have  been 
begun.  There  is  an  active  and  steadily  increasing  de- 
mand for  seats,  aud  take  it  altogether  the  prospect  is  en- 
couraging. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


GERMAN     DUELING, 


The  University  of  Jena,  and  indeed  the  whole 
city,  have  passed  through  a  week  of  intense  alarm 
and  anxiety,  which  are  far  from  being  at  an  end 
even  now.  One  day  twenty-one  serious  duels  took 
place  among  the  students,  and.  the  arms  used  not 
having  been  properly  cleaned,  all  those  who  were 
wounded  had  their  blcod  poisoned.  About  forty 
young  men  are  lying  in  the  hospital  in  a  serious 
condition.  One  great  favorite,  the  only  son  of 
wealthy  parents,  had  his  mind  upset  by  an  intense 
attack  of  fever  and  committed  suicide  by  taking 
strychnine.  He  died  after  a  terrible  agony  that 
lasted  many  hours.  Two  more  have  died  already, 
and  there  is  little  hope  of  saving  more  than  one- 
half  of  those  who  are  still  in  a  pitiable  condition. 
This  dreadful  calamity  will  no  doubt  serve  to  make 
university  dueling  very  unpopular  in  Germany,  if 
not  with  the  young  men  themselves,  certainly  with 
their  relations.  It  is  difficult  for  an  Englishman  to  be- 
lieve on  what  pretenses  a  duel  will  sometimes  take 
place. 

At  Heidelberg  one  day  an  English  friend  dined 
at  the  table  d'hote,  and  being  seated  right  op- 
posite to  a  young  man  who  wore  the  badge  of  a 
"  corps  "  across  his  breast,  he  could  not  help  notic- 
ing the  extraordinary  manner  in  which  this  young 
man  took  his  meal.  At  tirst  he  admired  him  for 
the  skillful  manner  in  which  he  managed  his  knife, 
which  incessantly  passed  from  his  plate  to  his 
mouth  heavily  laden  as  it  was  with  green  peas. 
But  when  the  student,  having  finished  his  meat, 
took  up  his  gravy  with  the  knife,  the  Englishman 
began  to  feel  his  blood  boil  within  him.  Pudding 
with  apple  sauce  followed,  and  the  student  oper- 
ated with  his  dessert-knife  just  as  he  had  doue  with 
the  larger  knife.  But  the  Englishman  could  con- 
trol himself  no  longer.  In  a  hoarse  whisper  he  ad- 
dressed his  vis-a-vis,  saying  :  ''You  will  cut  your 
mouth  open  if  you  don't  leave  off  eating  gravy  with 
your  knife."  The  student  looked  up  and  auswered  : 
'"  What  is  that  to  you  %  I  can  cut  my  mouth  open 
to  my  ears,  for  all  you  have  a  right  to  interfere." 
"Oh,  nonsense,"  said  the  Englishman  coolly; 
"  you  can't  expect  a  decent  person  to  let  you 
butcher  yourself  at  dinner  ! ''  "  Oh,  but  I  can, 
though,  and  you  shall  see  !  Dummer  Junge  !  " 
With  that  the  student  rose  and  left  the  room. 
Dummer  Junge  !  (stupid  fellow)  signifies  as  much 
as  a  challenge. 

Whfen  the  student's  seconds  came  to  arrange  de- 
tails with  the  Englishman  he  was  terribly  surprised 
at  the  serious  consequence  of  what  he  had  deemed 
a  most  matural  remark.  He  offered  to  apologize, 
ancTbegged  them  to  remember  that  he  knew  noth- 
ing of  German  customs  and  had  believed  himself  in 
•the  right.  But  the  seconds  declared  their  friend 
would  accept  no  apology,  and  they  even  hinted 
tuat  the  Englisman  had  probably  been  told  that 
Ms  opponent  was  a  first-rate  fencer,  the  pride  of 
Heidelberg.  Of  course,  when  matters  took  this 
turn  the  Englishman  spoke  in  a  very  different  tone, 
and  everything  was  arranged  for  a  duel  with  pistols, 
he  beiug  no  fencer.  He  spent  a  dreadful  night, 
because  it  was  told  that  the  young  student  was  in 
such  a  foaming  rage  that  his  only  desire  was  to  see 
his  opponent  lie  dead  on  the  ground.  The  English- 
man did  all  in  his  power  to  have  the  matter  ar- 
ranged, but  he  did  not  succeed,  and  on  his  way  to 
the  trysting -place  he  said  to  his  seconds  : 

"  It  is  a  dreadful  shame  that  I  should  have  to 
kill  this  young  man  because  he  does  not  know  the 
proper  use  of  his  knife  and  fork.  Still  it  would  be 
just  as  unfair  to  let  him  kill  me." 

The  Englishman  intended  firing  in  the  air  if  he 
had  the  second  shot,  but  chance  was  averse  to  him. 
He  had  the  right  to  shoot  first — the  aim  was 
deadly,  the  young  Teuton  fell  without  a  groan. 

Next  day  the  Englishman  traveled  to  the  town 
•where  his  victim's  widowed  mother  lived,  and  at 
the  end  of  a  two  hours'  conversation  he  convinced 
her  of  his  sincere  regret  and  his  wish  to  serve  her. 
She  admitted  that  her  son  had  not  died  through 
his  fault,  but  through  the  mistaken  notions  of  honor 
current  among  the  youth  of  Germany. 


The  long  and  prosperous  career  of  Flotow,  the 
composer,  was  temporarily  clouded  in  1864  by  the 
death  of  his  younger  brother,  which  took  place 
under  painfully  dramatic  circumstances.  He  was 
rather  what  is  euphemistically  called  a  "  wild  " 
fellow,  and  a  practical  joke  which  he  perpetrated 
in  a  half  drunken  freak  was  taken  as  an  insult  by 
the  whole  body  of  the  Mecklenberg  deputies,    of 


whom  he  himself  was  one.  A  dozen  challenges  en- 
sued and  young  De  Flotow  agreed  to  meet  any 
single  antagonist  selected  by  lor.  This,  as  it  hap- 
pened, turned  out  to  be  a  certain  Count  Z— — ,  one 
of  the  deputies  who  resented  the  offense  most 
keenly.  On  De  Flotow's  asking  him  if  he  thought 
a  stupid  joke  worth  fighting  about  and  receiving  an 
emphatic  answer  in  the  affirmative,  "  Be  it  so,"  he 
said  ;  "and  if  you  attach  as  little  value  to  life  as  I 
do,  we  will  fight  in  the  American  fashion — I  stak- 
ing my  life  against  yours  in  a  game  of  ecarte  of  five 
points  ;  the  loser  to  blow  out  his  brains  in  twenty- 
four  hours."  The  proposition  wras  agreed  to,  cards 
were  brought,  and  the  two  men  commenced  their 
terrible  game.  The  score  stood  at  four  points  on 
each  side,  when  Count  Z.  turned  the  king.  "  You 
have  won,  sir,"  said  young  De  Flotow,  rising;  "I 
will  pay  before  noon  to-morrow."  Next  day  he 
slept  till  11.  After  breakfast  he  took  a  turn  in 
the  park,  and  was  observed  by  his  valet  gazing  for 
some  minutes  at  the  facade  of  the  ancestral  man- 
sion ;  after  which  he  hid  his  face  in  his  hands  for 
a  moment  as  if  weeping.  He  then  pulled  out  his 
watch  ;  it  wanted  but  five  minutes  of  noon.  M.  de 
Flotow  entered  his  study.  At  12  precisely  the 
report  of  a  pistol  shook  the  window-panes.  He  had 
punctually  killed  himself. 


ITEMS     ABOUT     WOMEN. 


Speaking  of  Fanny  Davenport's  married  life  the 
Washington  Capital  remarks  :  "  Since  then  Ed- 
ward and  Fanny  have  attended  strictly  to  business, 
and  the  family  treasure  vault  is  becoming  a  regular 
bonded  warehouse.  When  Edward  places  his  vel- 
vet check  ou  the  pillow  at  night  Fanny  softly  mur- 
murs :  '  Dearest,  have  you  clipped  the  coupons  ? ' 
'  Yes,  precious  butterfly. '  l  And  locked  the  national 
bank  V  '  '  Yes,  rose  of  my  heart's  desire.'  '  Then 
call  me  early,  for  to-morrow  I  am  to  meet  our 
family  plumber  and  have  a  tete-a-tete  with  the  gas 
man.'  *  Edward  ?  '  '  Yes.'  '  Kiss  rue;  this  is 
my  twentieth  birthday. " 


When  Mademoiselle  Duverger  was  playing  in 
Paris  once,  a  gentleman  asked  another  how  old  she 
was.  Of  course,  she  wasn't  old  at  all ;  he  meant 
how  young — but  never  mind.  "  She  is  now  twenty- 
one,  for  the  third  time,"  was  the  neat  reply. 
Mademoiselle  was  smart  herself  once.  When  she 
was  about  twenty-one  for  the  first  time,  a  sucking 
suitor  brought  her  two  poems  he  had  made  to  her 
eyebrows,  and  implored  her  to  accept  which  she 
liked  best.  She  read  oue,  and  then  planting  the 
other,  unread  in  her  pocket,  she  said  sweetly,  "  I 
prefer  the  other." 


A  young  lady  in  Balclutha,  New  Zealand  charged 
a  young  man  with  having  shot  at  her  with  intent  to 
kill  her,  the  other  day.  When  the  case  was  called 
there  was  no  prosecution.  Acting  under  their 
counsel's  advice,  it  appears  the  respective  parties 
settled  the  matter  by  going  out  and  getting  married 
on  the  spot.  Probably  the  young  lady  considered 
that  by  adopting  this  latter  course  her  revenge 
would  be  surer. 


An  amusing  case  was  tried  at  Brighton,  (Eng. ) 
Plaintiff  claimed  13s.  for  making  a  dress.  Defend- 
ant refused  to  pay  because  the  dress  didn't  fit. 
Plaintiff  said,  "  I  made  the  dress  properly  ;  only 
the  lady  has  no  figure  whatever.  She  would  not 
be  squeezed,  and  how  could  I  make  her  a  Venus 
when  she  is  all  wadding  ?  "  This  created  much 
laughter,  in  which  his  Honor  joined.  Defendant, 
angrily  :  "  I'm  a  better  figure  than  you  are.  My 
husband  is  in  court  ;  ask  him  !  "  The  judicial 
gravity  couldn't  stand  this,  and  the  Court,  which 
was  probably  married,  nearly  rolled  on"  his  chair. 
His  Honor  :  "  You  must  put  that  dress  on,  for  me 
to  see."  The  lady  accordingly  retired,  but  on  be- 
ingrehabilitated,  she  seemed  to  beso  loth  to  show  off 
her  "  wadding  "  figure  that  she  absolutely  declined 
to  come  back  into  Court.  The  judge,  therefore, 
went  in  to  the  retiring  room,  and  after  he  had  care- 
fully— well,  we  presume,  looked  at  the  lady,  he  de- 
cided that  the  dress  was  a  misfit,  and  nonsuited 
the  plaintiff. 


That  contemptible  being,  the  late  Lord  Lonsdale, 
had  one  of  the  most  beautiful  women  in  England 
for  a  wife.  Gladys.  Countess  of  Lonsdale,  as  she  is 
now  called,  is  tall,  dark,  and  stately,  and  ever  since 
her  de'but  in  1877,  she  has  been  known  as  "  the 
gipsy."  A  penniless  beauty  she  was  when  she  first 
came  out,  and  at  18,    in   the  pride  of  her  maiden- 


hood, she  was  sold  (excuse  the  Saxon  bluntness)  to 
the  young  Earl  of  Lonsdale,  who,  though  scarce 
four  years  older  than  herself,  was  looked  upon  as 
one  of  the  most  infamous  reprobates  the  English 
peerage  had  produced.  Besides,  once  she  was  mar- 
ried— as,  possibly,  she  had  forseen  and  planned — 
the  gipsy  beauty  did  pretty  well  as  she  liked,  her 
flirtations  while  still  a  bride  with  several  titled 
young  guardsmen  causing  great  scandal  in  her 
gilded  set.  Now,  the  pretty  widow  has  a  house 
near  Windsor,  and  plenty  of  money,  and  entertains 
the  Prince  of  Wales  and  other  patricians.  It  can- 
not be  said  she  has  "  kept  her  character  unspotted 
from  the  world,"  but  with  rank,  riches,  and  good 
looks,  she  manages  to  tide  over  most  difficulties 
pretty  smoothly. 


That  is  all  we  have  to  say  about  women.  Let 
us  finish  with  an  alliterative  love  song  by  way  of 
dismissing  the  congregation  : 

Ali  !  swan  of  slenderness,  dove  of  tenderness, 

Jewel  of  joys,  arise  ! 
The  little  red  lark,  like  a  rosy  spark 

Of  song,  to  his  sunburst  flies  ; 
But  till  you  are  risen,  earth  is  a  prison, 

Full  of  my  captive  sighs. 
Then  wake  and  discover  to  your  fond  lover 

The  morn  of  your  matchless  eyes. 

The  dawn  is  dark  to  me  ;  hark,  oh  !  hark  to  me, 

Pulse  of  my  heart,  I  pray, 
And  gently  gliding  out  of  thy  hiding, 

Dazzle  me  with  thy  day  ! 
And  oh  !  I'll  fly  to  the,  singing,  and  sigh  to  thee, 

Passion  so  sweet  and  gay, 
The  lark  shall  listen,  and  dewdrops  glisten, 

Laughing  on  every  spray. 


Under  the  heading  "  Eastern  Ignorance  "  an 
esteemed  contemporary  complains  with  character- 
istic disdain  that  the  N.  Y.  Sun  "designates  the 
country  along  the  line  of  the  Central  Pacific,  be- 
tween Ogden  and  Sacramento,  as  a  l  wilderness.  '  " 
It  is  probable  that  the  Sun  person,  starting  from 
Sacramento,  got  only  about  as  far  as  Humboldt, 
and  came  back  and  went  round  the  Horn.  He 
should  not  be  tou  severely  condemned  for  not  ade- 
quately appreciating  what  he  didn't  see — the  fat 
and  fertile  valleys  of  Nevada  that  grew  the  historic 
potato  of  '79  and  the  famous  oat  of  '81  ;  the  fruit 
orchards  of  Reese  River,  which  produced  in  ]70 
enough  crab-apple  cider  to  make  a  pig  squeal  ;  and 
the  noble  cattle  ranges  of  northwestern  Utah,  so 
impro,red  by  irrigation  that  they  now  grow  two 
blades  of  grass  to  the  acre  where  but  one  grew  be- 
fore. Why,  the  agricultural  production  of  that 
region  exceeds  that  of  the  whole  city  of  New  York 
by  as  much  as  one-and-a-half  per  cent. 


A  telegram  from  Concord,  New  Hamshire,  ap- 
prises an  envious  world  of  a  new  local  disease — a 
rare  and  radient  invention  of  some  ingenious  doc- 
tor— a  supreme  triumph  of  medical  science.  The 
patient  is  a  boy,  and  the  ailment,  I  suppose, 
will  be  named  calor  pedis. 

"  An  ordinary  bathing  tub  can  be  filled  with  cold  water 
and  th«  boy's  feet  placed  therein,  and  in  ten  minutes  the 
water  will  be  made  so  hot  that  the  heat  can  be  felt  through 
the  staves  of  the  tub." 

What  an  admirable  youug  man  to  explore  for  the 
North  Pole  via  Irkutsk  :  he  could  go  ahead  of  the 
party  and  break  a  track  through  the  snow. 


May  the  Lord  be  praised  for  all  his  mercies — now 
Oakland's  street  gas  light  fund  is  exhausted,  and 
the  village  must  settle  down  to  the  Egyptian  dark- 
ness to  which  we  have  become  so  accustomed.  That 
"  Egyptian  "  has  done  good  service  since  the  gas 
lamps  were  taken  away.  The  Call  discharged  an 
apprentice  reporter  last  week  who  neglected  to  use 
it,  and  the  country  papers  are  just  reveling  in  it. 
A  Chronicle  man  tried  to  substitute  "Dark  as 
Erebus  "  in  his  report  of  a  garroting  bee,  but  he  was 
promptly  thrown  down  stairs  by  the  local  editor. 


What  are  the  funny  men  going  to  start  next  ? 
Spoopendyke  is  worn  threadbare  ;  the  Oil  City 
Derrick* s  travesties  on  Shakspeare  are  dead — the 
bottom  has  fallen  completely  out  of  them  ;  the 
Chicago  Tribune  man's  novelettes  are  growing 
wearisome  ;  Peck's  bad  boy  still  holds  out,  but  his 
lamp  is  waxing  fainter.  What  will  be  the  next 
side-splitting  line  of  thought  ?  We  wish  we  knew, 
for  we  would  gladly  offer  it  for  sale  to  the  first 
journalistic  harlequin  rich  enough  to  purchase  the 
luxury. 


THE    WASP. 


13 


NEWS    0'     THE     WEEK. 


Court-martial  in  the  Stock  Exchange. Spring 

riseof the Arizonian  Apache. Cranny  ,4 (fa uncov- 
ers her  snags  to  cackle  at  the  Harbor  Commission 
frauds.      We   can   stand   the  frauds,    but    heaven 

spare  us  the  grandmaternal  hilarity. Ex-Post 

master-Genera]  Howe. Consul  Booker  booked 

For  promotion.     Good  egg,  Booker. Wharfinger 

a  thief. IVarmedoverland  Monthly  has  changed 

hands    and  heads.     A  theological   crank   at   the 

wheel.     Its    grave    is   a-digging. .Male    Watts 

heats  seamen  and  runs  away.  Beaten  seamen  im- 
prisoned one  year  as  witnesses.  Beater  acquitted  . 
seamen  discharged  with    an    admonition.     Justice 

.mi  the  half-shell. Murders  in  all    the   interior 

counties. The  weather. Van  Ness  Avenue 

that  leading  to  the  public  treasury. Desperate 

attempts  to  house  the  impending  Knight  Templar. 
What's   the  matter  with   the   dog-pound  ?— — lay 

Hubbel   in    town.     Chickens    roosting    high. 

Divorces  on  draught. Everybody  drunk  to  cele- 
brate the  rains.     Even  the  sewers  are  flushed. 

Vueue-cutting  bee  at  County  .rail.  Horse-hair 
mattresses  are  cheaper. The  usual  man  eviscer- 
ated by  a  street   car.     Contributory   negligence  ; 

didn't  leave  his  bowels  at   home. Pickering— 

Tarpey.     No  cards. Verona  Baldwin's  mother 

dead.  "  Lucky  "  still  drags  out  a  miserable  exist- 
ence, sorely  afflicted  with  his  own  respect. Ex- 
City  and  County  Attorney  Cowdery  thinks  there 
has  been  no  stealing  in  office.  Arrest  that  man. 
—Man  sent  to  the  State  Prison  for  being  found 
in  San  Francisco.  We  cannot  tell  a  lie,  father ; 
y>m  know  we  cannot  tell  a  lie  ;  it  serves  him  right. 

Feller  kills  the  wife  of  his  buzzum.    There  was 

another  feller. Alameda  woman  whose  son  was 

"  drownded  in  the  briny  deep  "  was  apprised  of  it 
in  a  dream.  Employ  her  at  the  Merchants'  Ex- 
change.  List  to  the  wail  of  the  barley  longs  at 

the  Produce  Exchange.     Brethern,  it  is  tough." 

We're  all  Star  Routers  now  o'  nights. That 'sail. 


He  Lingard  too  long  at  an  Oakland  hotel, 
So  they  scooped  him  in,  and  they  cinched  him  well. 
The  spot  is  still  shown  where  he  loitered  and  Lingard, 
But  none  can  exhibit  the  coin  that  he  fingered. 


'  KIDNEY    DISEASE.' 


Pain,    Irritation,   Detention,   Incontinence,    Deposits, 
(iravel,  etc.,  cured  by  "Buchn-paiba."    SI.     Depot. 


N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son's  American  Newspaper  Annual  con- 
tains full  statistics  of  all  newspapers  in  the  United  States 
and  Canada,  also  populations  from  the  census  of  18H0. 
Sent  postpaid  on  receipt  of  price,  'Ihree  Dollars.  Address 
N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son,  Advertising  Agents,  Times  Building, 
Philadelphia. 

Puny,  weak,  and  sickly  children,  need  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters.     It  will  strengthen  and  invigorate  them. 

The  surprising  success  of  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pinkhanj's 
Compound  for  the  several  diseases  peculiar  to  women 
forcibly  illustrates  the  importance  of  her  beneficent  dis- 
covery and  the  faet  that  she  knows  how  to  make  the  most 
of  it.—  Dr.  Htulall. 

Sd!'  No  woman  really  practices  economy  unless  she  uses 
the  Diamond  Dyes.  Many  dollars  can  be  saved  every 
year.     Ask  the  druggist. 


MOTHER  SWAN'S  WORM  SYRUP. 

Infalliahle.  tasteless,  harmless,  cathartic  ;    for  feverish- 
ness,  restlessness,  worms,  constipation.     25c. 


RELIABLE    TESTIMONY. 

I'i'ii.vi.ki.f.iiia,  Pa.,  Sept.  6,  L882. 
Hop  Bitten  Cu. 

1  am  74  years  old,  have  lived  :i4  years  in  Phila- 
delphia, and  well  known  among  Germans  1  have 
been  troubled   P_'  years  with  a  white  swelling  on 

ray  right  Foot,  and  getting  worse  every  year,  and 
leu  painful,  and  breaking  out  in  hot  weather.  1 
consulted  several  doctors  and  they  told  me  it  was 
incurable  and  I  would  have  to  take  it  with  me  in 
the  grave.  Some  time  ago  I  lost  my  appetite,  was 
costive,  had  headache,  and  fever,  in  fact  was  eery 

sick.     I  saw  in  the  German    /'., ,.,/    that    Bop 

Bitters  was  what  I  needed.  1  got  a  bottle,  took  it 
one  week  and  was  as  well  again  as  ever,  and  to  my 
greatest  surprise  right  from  the  first,  my  swelling 
went  down  gradually  and  I,  taking  another  Lottie. 
got  entirely  well  of  it.  The  wife  of  my  neighbor 
had  two  such  swellings  on  her  legs  and  three  bot- 
tles cured  her.  I  think  this  is  a  great  triumph  fur 
your  Bitters.  J0HX    Stoll, 

No.  4  Young's  Alley,  above  Willow  St. 

STirrsHiLL,  Ind.,  Nov.  13,  1881. 
Dear  Siks— I  have  read  so  much  about  Hop  Bit- 
ters and  always  being  afflicted  with  neuralgia,  weak- 
ness, diseased  stomach,  never  having  much  health, 
I  tried  a  couple  of  bottles  ;  it  has  strengthened 
and  helped  me  more  than  any  medicine  or  doctor. 
I  am  now  on  my  third  bottle  and  am  thankful  that 
it  has  helped  me.  I  will  advise  all  that  are  afflict- 
ed to  give  it  a  trial.  Lucy   Vail. 

Beat    the    World. 

Koikvii.le,  Conn..  March  6.  1882. 
Hop  Bitters  Co. 

I  have  been  taking  your  Hop  Bitters  for  several 
weeks,  and  they  beat  the  world. 

L.  S.  Lewis,  Lewis'  axles  machine. 

Lektonia,  Pa.,  April  23,  1882. 
Hop  Bitters  Co. 

1  have  not  been  well  for  three  years,  tried  almost 
every  kind  of  patent  medicines  and  no  less  than 
seven  doctors,  one  of  Elmira,  N.  Y.  None  have 
done -me  any  good.  I  finally  tried  your  Hop  Bit- 
ters and  found  them  just  the  thing.  I  have  praised 
them  so  highly  there  is  a  great  number  here  who 
use  them  with  great  benefit  and  satisfaction. 

Very  respectfully  yours.  R.  Hunt. 

Gentlemen — The  "  Hop  Bitters "  meet  with 
large  sales  and  give  general  satisfaction.  One 
case  in  particular  you  should  know  of.  Mr.  John 
B.  Green,  732  Spring  Garden  St.,  Phila.,  Pa.,  has 
been  suffering  from  kidney  affection,  which  super- 
induced rheumatism.  He  tried  physicians  and 
remedies  in  vain.  He  was  obliged  to  take  mor- 
phine to  induce  sleep,  his  trouble  was  so  great. 
Reading  your  advertisement,  in  the  Christian  at 
Work,  he  was  prevailed  upon  by  one  of  his  daugh- 
ters to  try  it.  Three  bottles  effected  a  cure,  and 
now  he  is  an  enthusiast  for  "  Hop  Bitters."  He  is 
one  of  the  oldest  residents  of  the  locality  named  ; 
and  known  as  a  gentleman  of  unusual  probity. 
Henkv  Tottes, 
672  North  Tenth  Street,  Philadelphia,  Pa. 


! i  to  be  the  best  medioiue  in  the  world 

for  nervous  diseases  of  all  kinds. 

.1  \\\i  5    Co 

Bealington,   Barber  County,   \\ .  '•  a, 


Wicked    r.ir    Clergymen* 
"I  believe  it  to  be  all  wrong  and  even  wicked 

for  clergymen  or  other  public  men  to  be  led  into 
(giving  testimonials  t"  quack  doctorsor  patent  med- 
icines, but  when  a  really  meritorious  arm. 

posed  of  valuable    remedies   known  to  all.  and  [hat 
all    physicians  use  and   trust  in  daily,   we  should 
freely   commend   it.      I    therefore   cheerfully  and 
heartily  commend   Hop   Bitters  for  the  goo. 
have   done   me   and  my   friends,    firmly   believing 

they  have  no  equal    for    family  use.       I  will    nut    be 

without  them.  !';       B.  R 

Washington,  D.  C. 

A  good  Baptist  clergyman  of  Bergen,  N.  V.,  a 
strong    temperence    man,    Buffered    with    kidney 

trouble  neuralgia  and  dizziness  almost  to  blind- 
ness, over  two  years  after  he  was  advised  that  Hop 
Bitters  would  cure  him  because  he  was  afraid  of 
and  prejudiced  against  tlie  word  "bitters.''  Since 
his  cure  he  says  none  need  fear  but  trust  in  Hop 

I'.ltters. 

My  wife  and  daughter  were  made  healthy  by  the 
use  of  Hob  Bitters  and  I  recommend  them  to  my 
people — Methodist  Clergyman,  Mexico,  N.  Y. 

I  had  severe  attacks  of  (Iravel  and  Kidney 
trouble  ;  was  unable  to  get  any  medicine  or  doctor 
to  cure  me  until  I  used  Hop  Bitters,  and  they 
cured  me  in  a  short  time.  A  distinguished  lawyer 
and  temperance  orator  of  Wayne  County,  X.  Y. 


CALIFORNIA  SAFE    DEPOSIT 
TRUST  COMPANY. 


AND 


Beautiful  .skin  and  fair  complexion,  rubust  health  and 
powers  of  endurance,  follow  the  use  of  Brown's  Iron  Bit- 
ters. 

*„*  "  They  who  cry  loudest  are  not  always  the  most 
hurt."  Kidney-Wort  does  its  work  like  the  Good  Samari- 
tan, quickly,  unostentatiously,  hut  with  great  thorough- 
ness. A  New  Hampshire  lady  writes  :  "Mother  lias 
been  ahiicted  for  years  with  kidney  diseases.  Last  Spring 
she  was  very  ill  and  had  an  alarming  p>ain  and  numbness 
in  one  side.  Kidney- Wort  proved  a  great  blessing  and 
has  completely  cured  her." 

"  BUCHU-PAIBA." 

Quick,  complete  cure,  all  annoying  Kidney;  Bladder 
and  Urinary  Diseases.     SI.      Druggists. 


LONGFELLOW  CARD  containing-  his 

Likeness,  Autograph,  Sketch  by  his  own  hand  and  two 
Poems.  Agents  wanted.  Sample  2o  cents.  Dickson  & 
Co.,  19  West  Eleventh  Street,  New  York. 


<  >ffh'E  Jeixoway  Ml*.  A.  Association,  | 
Jellowav,  0. ,  Mar.  18,  1882.       | 
Hop  Bitter  Manufacturing  Co. 

I  have  been  usiu^  your  Hop  Bitters  and  find  them 
what  you  recommend  them  to  be  for  kidney  dis- 
ease (viz.,  superior  to  all  others). 

J.  L.  Hinder  brand. 

Vertigo,    Dizziness    »h<i    Blindness. 

Office  Utica  "Morning  Herald,"  | 
Utica,  Feb.  18,  1882.       ) 
I  have  been  troubled  with  vertigo  since  last  July, 
and  have  suffered  greatly  every  night  after  any  con- 
siderable exertion  from  dizziness  and  blindness.     I 
tried  two  bottles  of   Hop   Bitters,  and  since  then 
have  been  entirely  relieved.     Respectfully  yours. 
J.    J.    Flannigan. 

Hop  Bitters  Co.  -Tune  15,  1881. 

I  have  been  Buffering  five  years  past  with  neu- 
ralgia, liver  complaint,  dyspepsia  and  kidney  com- 
plaint, and  I  have  doctored  with  fourteen  different 
doctors  who  did  me  no  good.  At  last  I  tried  Hop 
Bitters,  and  after  using  a  few  bottles  I  received  a 
great  benefit  from  them,  and  if  I  bad  used  Hop 
Bitters  regularly  I  would  have  been  well  before.    I 


38fi    MEONTfiOHKRV     STREET, 

San  Frauelsco,  t'al. 

CAPITAL,  -  Jr*-,\(MHMMMI. 

Directors: 
■i.  d.  fry,  g.  l.  bkadlly, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT,  JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  P.  U.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TF.VIS,  CHARLES  MAIN. 

HENRY  WADSWORTH,  I.  G.  WICKEKSHAM, 

.1.  I*,    f  KT PrcSldeil ) 

C*.    IE.  THOMPSON  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Trenimrer 

WM.  « I  \m\<;iiaii Secretary 

Interest  allowed  on  deposits.  Hruioifs  received 
subject  lo  check  or  draft,  ai  sight*  certlflcaltN  off  de- 
posit issued.    Loans  utndc  on  collateral  Kceiirllv* 

The  Safe  Deposit  Vaults,  containing  WOO  safes  of  different 
sizes,  with  rental  from  --  to  §20  per  month,  or  from  812  to  8800 
per  year,  according  t"  -i/<-  and  location,  offer  the  mosl  absolute  se- 
curity to  the  property  '•)  renters,  who  have  entire  control  oi  the 
the  safe*  they  rent,  under  the  regulations  o!  the  Company  .  which 
have  been  carefullj  made,  to  ensure  security  and  to  facilitate  the 
business  >-f  patrons.  Silverware,  Jewelry,  trunks  of  valuable  arti- 
cles, bullion,  coin,  books  and  papers  "f  mercantile  houses,  (ledgers 
which  will  be  revived  "i  delivered  at  any  time  during  the  day  or 
night,) and  personal  property  of  ;l1I  kin  is  received  for  safe  keeping. 

This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  <"<f  Corporations,  Estates,  Finns 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  Of  securities.  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  And 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  ho'd  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  collections  and  remit- 
tances, buy  and  sell  Securities.  Drafts.  Bullion,  Foreign  11otu:\, 
Exchange,  etc.  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Re^dstrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  act  as  Executor  uml  Administrator  of  Estates,  Guardian  oi 
minors,  and  pay  annuities,  etc. 

Non-residents    and    [lur-jims  unable    t»   attend    t"    tlieir  tinain-ial 

nutters  person  all}  .  will  have  their  interests  looked  after  with  the 
utmost  care. 

The  Capital  of  the  Company,  and  its  superior  facilities  for  the 
transaction  of  business,  give  guarantee  of  security',  promptness 
and  care  that  cannot  be  expected  of  indn  idual  agents, 

The  establishment  of  a  reliable  Trust  Company  will  meet  a  re- 
quirement, the  necessity' of  which  has  long  been  felt  in  this  com- 
nitv. 


C'XJh  *"i"  a  SQUARE  or  UPRIGHT 
qf^U\J  ROSEWOOD  7]  Oct  PIANO. 

with  Stool.  BoOK,fcc. 
$196  for  BABY  UP- 
hlGHT  1  Oct.  Piano. 

won  for  au  1S 

tyWJStop  Organ. 
CHAPEL  OR^AN.  S70. 
All  warranted.    Dick- 
inson &  Co.,  19  West 
HthstN.Y. 


A         BOON         TO        WOMEN! 

l'UMl>s     4  IIII.IM.IKTU  :  SKOOX"     KDITIOV 

Giving  COMPLETE  INSTRUCTIONS  how  the  pains, 
perils,  difficulties  and  dangers  >>f  childbirth  can  be  avoided. 
Enlarged  to  3  pages:  by  the  addition  of  a  chapter  on 
"Diseases  of  Women,"  with  complete  directions,  pre- 
scriptions, etc.,  for  home  management  in  plain  language. 
A  SAFE  GUIDE  for  the  sex.  Every  lady  should  have  a 
copy.  Prepaid,  $1.50.  Agents  wanted.  Exclusive  terri- 
tory.    Address  the  author,  Dr.  .1.  H.  DYE,  Buffalo,  X  V. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


LAUGHORISMS, 


He  bad  just  returned  from  his  wedding  trip,  and  was 
going  down  town  in  a  horse-car  with  his  bride,  who,  in  all 
the  pride  of  her  new  garments  and  her  new  husband,  was 
disposed  to  look  down  on  humanity  generally  and  on  a 
poor  old  man  in  particular  who  sat  opposite.  "  Who  is 
that  dreadful  looking  creature,  Horatio  ?"  she  said.  "  I'm 
sure  I  don't  know,"  replied  the  apple  of  her  eye,  with  a 
slight  blush  and  stammer  ;  "  some  tramp,  I  suppose,  who 
has  begged  his  passage.'1  Just  then  the  aged  person  al- 
luded to  awoke  from  his  reverie,  and,  adjusting  his  specta- 
cles, quavered  :  "  Why,  bless  me,  if  that  isn't  my  grand- 
son, Horatio  !  And  that  must  be  his  wife  !  Don't  color 
up  so,  boy ;  she's  a  right  pretty  girl,  and  you  have  no 
cause  to  be  ashamed  of  her." 


A  Leadville  man  traveling  in  the  Gunnison  country 
met  a  stranger  in  the  lonely  part  of  the  trail.  "  Hallo  !  " 
said  the  Leadville  man.  "Hallo  !  "  was  the  rather  surly 
reply.  Then  the  Leadville  man  reached  around  to  hiship< 
pocket  to  get  out  a  bottle  of  whisky  as  a  kind  of  a  molli 
fier.  The  stranger  promptly  shot  at  him,  putting  a  bullet 
through  the  Leadville  man's  hat.  "  All  right,"  said  the 
latter,  digging  spurs  into  his  bronco  ;  "if  that's  the  way 
you  feel  about  it  we  will  just  drop  the  acquaintance  right 
here.     I  never  try  to  force  myself  on  a  man." 


A  married  woman  who  had  escaped  from  a  burning 
hotel  by  jumping  out  of  the  window  said  she  didn't  blame 
the  proprietors,  because  there  was  in  every  bedroom  a 
rope  provided  for  the  safety  of  the  guests.  "  Then  why 
didn't  you  avail  yourself  of  it  ?  "  asked  the  inquisitive 
newspaper  reporter.  "  Because  I  couldn't,"  she  answered 
sharply,  as  if  the  question  were  a  foolish  one.  "  My  hus- 
band was  using  it  trying  to  save  his  dog." 


Men  of  birth,  intellect,  genius  and  even  great  wealth 
pale  into  insignificance  beside  the  man  who  has  one  of  the 
new  five-cent  pieces. 


KOSTETTEfe 


Invalids  who  are  recover- 
ing vital  stamina,  declare  in 
grateful  terms  their  appreci- 
ation of  the  merits  as  atonic, 
of  Hostetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters. Not  only  does  it  im- 
part strength  to  the  weak, 
but  it  also  corrects  an  irreg- 
ular acid  state  of  the  stom- 
ach, makes  the  bowels  act  at 
proper  intervals,  gives  ease 
to  those  who  suffer  from  rheu- 
matic and  kidney  troubles, 
and  conquers  as  well  as  pre- 
vents fever  and  ague. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT'  S 

COMPOUND  EXTRCTS 


Cubebs   and   Copaiba 


JiThis  compound  is  superior  to  any 
^preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
'  billing  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARE  ANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  2S0  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  j?or  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurance  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

Scotch,  Union,  and  National 

Insurance   Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 


llM.AN  A   n  VMIFni.  >IA<  IMl\  ALl>  A  HA  WES, 

City  Agent*;,  General  Agents, 

401  California  Street,  337  Sansonie  street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Still  another  comet  has  been  discovered,  and  now  the 
thoughtful  fathers  of  marriageable  daughters  are  already 
beginning  to  repair  the  hinges  on  their  front  gates. 


Nobody  wishes  to  have  the  baby  stolen  ;  still  it  is  a  relief 
when  the  uurse  cribs  it  at  night. 


Know 


That  Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
will  cure  the  worst  case 
of  dyspepsia. 

Will  insure  a  hearty  appetite 
and  increased  digestion. 

Cures  general  debility,  and 
gives  a  new  lease  of  life. 

Dispels  nervous  depression 
and  low  spirits. 

Restores  an  exhausted  nurs- 
ing mother  to  full  strength 
and  gives  abundant  sus- 
tenance for  her  child. 

Strengthens  the  muscles  and 
nerves.enriches  the  blood. 

Overcomes  weakness,  wake- 
fulness, and  lack  of  energy 

Keeps  off  all  chills,  fevers, 
and  other  malarial  poison. 

Will  infuse  with  new  life 
the  weakest  invalid. 


37  Walker  St..  Baltimore,  Dec.  1881. 
For  six  years  I  have  been  a  great 
sufferer  from  Blood  Disease,  Dys- 
pepsia, and  Constipation, andbecame 
so  debilitated  that  1  could  notretain 
anything  on  my  stomach,  in  fact, 
life  had  almost  become  a  burden. 
Finally,  when  hope  hadalmost  left 
me,  my  husband  seeing  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  advertised  in  tht 
paper,  induced  me  to  give  it  a  trial. 
I  am  now  taking  the  third  bottle 
and  have  not  felt  so  well  in  six 
years  as  I  do  at  the  present  time. 

Mrs.  L.  F.  C.riffin. 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
will  have  a  better  tonic 
effect  upon  an)-  one  who 
needs  "bracing  up,"  than 
any  medicine  made. 


OHMS 

IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  011  tin  a  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  Becretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

U  «  I  a  »;  «      If  you  are  suffering  from. 

IVlCllCtl  ld«  malaria, have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
ti-   SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS.   Price  $1 


KIDNEY- WORT 


AMUSEMENTS. 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,      -      -     -     -     APRIL  ist, 

Appearance  of  the  favorite  actor, 
MB.       FERDINAND       1KB, IN, 

In  the  newest  European  sensation,  the  splendid 
comedy,  with  songs,  in  three  acts,  by 

JT.  VON  SOHONTHAO, 

Little    _B  irds. 

SUNDAY,      -        -        -      APRIL    1st, 

Grand    Extra    Performance. 

COMPLIMENTARY       BENEFIT 

Tendered  by  the  German  citizens  of  San 
Francisco  to 

Mmme.    OTTILIE     GENEE. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Bros Proprietors  and  Managers 

Last  week  and  great  success  of  Lecnq's 
Comic  Opera,  in  three  acts, 

M  A^TOL  A. 


OF   THIE 

Advertisement, 

-A. 

SPLENDID 

TIMEKEEPER. 


K^*SEND  US  5  Cents  and  we  will  return 

you  by  mail  a  sample  of  SHEET  MUSIC  and  a  list  of 
pieces  published.  Address  Dickinson  &  Co,,  19  West 
Eleventh  Street..  New  York. 


In  order  to  advertlEo  HOCSE  ANT»  lIOM~E»  find  Bocure 

Babscrlberspromptlv,  we  have  decided  to  make  tho  following  most 
princely  and  magnificent  offer  to  each  and  every  render  of  this 
paper.  It  is  ilie  common  praelic  >  o!  the  g«ld  end  silver  refiners 
■  ■I  Enjrlasd  and  Switzerland  to  purchase  t.om  the  pawnbrokers  of 
tboir  respective  countries  nil  this  pold  and  silver  wnU-ht-tiwbick 
have  been  unredeemed,  simply  lor  tbe  sake  01  the  Rnld  aodallvor 
casea.  The  works  are  then  sold  to  u  celebrated  watch  firm  who 
have  made  a  specialty  of  this  business.  Tho  firm  places  the  work  a 
In  the  bands  o  I'  ski)  I  ml  workmen,  wbo  Put  to  work  and  put  them  lu 
aagood  condition  as  possible  These  wnrkn  embrace  everv  variety  of 
movement,  a.mie  of  them  being  very  fine  and  perfect  timekeepers. 
all  handsomely  cased.  We  have  juti  pureliaitd  the  gnrfrfl  atoek 
('J5,0Cn)  of  a  bankr  pt  concern  of  the  above  described  watehea  at 
leas  than  the  first  cost  of  the  raw  material. 

On  receipt  of  $l.f»0,  the  subscription  price  of  House  ftnu 
Home,  and  $1.00  eitra  to  pay  for  pecking,  postage,  and  register- 
ing, we  will  send  Hou»e  ninl  Home  for  uneyear^.-jnuuiberal. 
and  one  of  these  watches,  postpaid,  Ui  it  my  mlilr.'.-*  hi  lliu  United 
States.  Watches  mnlU-d  the  dav  the  order  Is  received.  The  watches 
were  pnrcha-ed  specially  to  go  will  Hon**'  and  Home,  and 
will  be  furnished  only  to  subscribers  :o  that  pul>llc«ti>ni.  In  order 
to  Introduce  it  at  once  we  make  this  unusual  offer,  which  could  not 
be  made  were  it  pot  for  I  he  Jncttbat  Wfl  bought  tho  watches  at  one- 
qaarter  cost  of  manulacture. 

On  Teceipt  of  50  cents  estra  we  will  Bend  our  new  and  elegant 
watch-chain, with  a  Whistle  Charm  noil  Ho?  Call  AU-tli- 
nieat— just  the  thing  for  bunUra  und  sporting  men.  ^ 

MOXEY   RETURNED    IF   NOT  AS   DESCRIBED. 
Address  METROPOLITAN  PUBLISHING  CO., 

9  253  Broadway,  New  York  City,  N.T. 

WHAT   THEY   SAY  OF   US. 

West  Point,  N.  T.,  Oct.  17,  1832.  Metropolitan  Publishing; 
Company.  Gents.-  I  am  In  receipt  01 1  lie  handsome  premium  watch 
sent  me.  I  was  nine U  surprised  to  know  that  you  could  supply  00 
good  a  timekeeper  lor  so  little  money.  HOUSE  AM)  HOME 
alone  la  worth  tbe  price.  Enclosed  please  find  six  [6)  new  sub- 
Bcriptiona  at  $?-5o.  Please  send  meCpiemlum  waicbes,  tbe  saint* 
tstvle  as  the  last.  Verv  truly  vours.  Lieut.  E.  S.  Farrow,  U.  S.  Army. 
Murfrecsboro,  Tenn..  Sept  :»i,  188J.  Gents.:  Watch  arrived. 
***  All  right  in  tim^  keeping  qualities.  Jess?  W.  Sparks,  Jr. 
St,  Paul,  Minn.,  Sept.  U.  Premium  received,  nnda  nice  one 
It  Is.  Gen.  R.  W.  Jhnson.  W  rlKlilstn» "t  Minn..  Sept .St), 
»8S.  Received  premium  hut  night.  W.ll  aat.sfied.  Martha 
Goodale.  8otitli  Gardiner.  Me.,  Dec.  '.'4,  '82.  Received 
watch  and  paper  ;  like  them  much  :  wue  offered  $  Hi  for  watch.  :  don- 1 
want  to  sell.  II  C.  Goodwin.  Wuverly,  Pa.,  Feb.  ID, '83. 
Received  tbe  beautiful  prrmiuu  watch,  ltkeepe  good  ttrro;our 
jeweler  pronounced  It  coin  silver.  M.  M.  Huub.d.  Tes  " 
like  the  aoove  received  every  day. 

N.  B.*Tlic  popular  and  beautiful  weekly  publica- 
tion kiv.wu  iim  HOI fRE  AMI  IIOMF,  Hli-trnted 
newspaper  itstablttJicd  \%v>\  I-  one  of  the  l>est  and  most 
elegantly  illustrated  weekly  newnpnpers  of  the  day, 
full  of  News.  Art.  Selenec,  Fashion,  MuhL-,  Poetry, 
Chnrmliic  Stories.  Wit  and  Humor.  Useltll  Know- 
Icdee.  and  Amusement  for  every  Amerlcnn  home.  In 
fact,  n  nleterlnl  history  of  the  world  from  week  to 
week— sixteen  nam?*  beautifully  Illustrated— same 
size  as  Harper's  or  Leslie's  Illustrated  weeklies. 


.ntuU 


FREE 


Send  for  the  "  HEALTH  HELPER ' 
if  you  want  perfect  health.  H.  H.  Box  104 
Buffalo,  N.  Y. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

I    ol  thit. Company  will  mail  from  P.r.adwn;, 

»\\'ii  in,  Ban  Francisco,  for  porta  In  California,  Ore- 
gon,  Washington   and   Idaho  Territories,  British 
'  Columbia  ami  Alaska,  as  follows  ; 
California  Southern  Coast  Route.-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZAltA  and  AJTCON  Bail  every  Ave  days  at  0  a.  m.  for  San   Luis 
■  irbara,  Los  Angeles  and  Ban   Diego,  as  follows: 
OKIZABA,  10th,  20th  and  80th  ol  each  month.    ANCON,  5th,  16th 
and  26th  of  each  month.     Tin-  Sttjauitr  L-itS  ANcKLKN   sail.n  every 

Wednesday  at  8  a.  m.  for  Santa  Crua,  Honterej .  San  Simeon,  Caj  ■ 
ocot),  Oaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 
British    Columbia    anil     Alaska     Koule.  —  Steamship 

EUREKA,  carrying  V,  S.  Mails,  --ids  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  tho  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  w.  T.,  vk- 
ton.t,  and  Nanaimo,  B,  C,  Fort  Wraneel,  Sitka  and  Harrisburg, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Fort  TOwnsend  will,  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  and  I*ut>ct  Snunil  Kimtr.-Tlu-  S&amersGEO.  W. 
ELDER  ind  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Brittanic^ajesty's  and  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  Sari  Francisco,  at  2  P.  M. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  80th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle, Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  with  »t  tram  boats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  Itivcr  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Vale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.  M.  on  the  9th,  10th  and  2:it.li  o(  i.-aeh  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11    a.    m.    on    the  10th,  20th  and  80th  of  each  month. 

5 Note.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  or  30th,  steamers  sail 
rom  San  Francisco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  porta  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
eails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  even*  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Guide. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Botlte.—  The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Express,  every  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A.  M.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  Humboldt  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hook  ton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  0  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffevs  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Rusa  House) 

GOODALL.  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC  COAST  R.  R.         NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

I  -tjil.h-h.il  ......  1850 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent   Steel  Plate   Cushion, 

Cuarniilcctl  for  Ten  Tears. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES     ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

94  5     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 

Prices  20  per  cenl.  Lower  than  any  other  Uon.se  on 
the    Coast. 

t&  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "S* 

BILLIARDS! 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOUA  CBE  All  AN,  Continental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufaeturud  only  bv  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
$1  per  doz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers,         ap-14 

Morris  &    Kennedy 

1G  and  2i    Post  Street. 

Artists'  IViaterials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


Oakland!    Alameda,   Newark,   San    Jose,  Um  Gatosi 
Glenwood,  Pel  ton  and  Santa  Crna. 

"PICTUKESQI  E  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TRE1  9 

■*■    Santa  Clam   Valley,  Monterej    Ba        Fortg   milw   ihortoi  I 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  any  other  ront<       \.     ;    ■    .  ..■  :  no  dust. 

Equipment  and  road  bed  Qnt-i-Iats.      PASSENGER  TRAINS  I  <•■■ 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  sooth  -ilk,  at 

8*0(1   A.  St,  daily.  West   San   Lorenzo.  West  San  Lea]    In     I 
■Oil  Mils,  Mt   Eden,   Alvarado,    Halls,   Newark,  Conterville, 
Howrys,    Uviso     \_n. ■■■■-.   9anto  Clara,   SAN  JDSE,   Los  Gal   -, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glenwood.  Doughertys',  Felton  Big  Tree* 
and  saxta  CRUZ,  arriving  12  U. 

2,qa  P.  M.,  Dallj  Express:  Mt    Eden,  Alvarado,  Ncv 
■  OU  terville,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  on  I  i  ■  ■ 
Gates.    Through  to  SANTA  t'BDZeverj  Saturday. 

4»On  ''*  "*■  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE  and  intormodl 
■OU  ate  stations, 
f)U     Sundays,        .%       Special      Passenger      Train 
Ull  leaves  San  .i.jsc  ;it  .vir.  p.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7*5. 
EXCURSIONS   TO   SANTA   ORUZ  AND   $9.50  To  SAN 
J  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundaysj  to  return  until  Monday  in 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAMI     IM»    ALAMEDA. 
§6:30-7:S0— 8:30—9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.    ^[12:30—1:30—2:80- 
3:30—4:30—5:30—6:30—7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

Prom  Fou i  n  «  Mih  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 
—§6:67— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52— 10:52— 111:62  A.  M.  12:52—1:52  2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  II Ish  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:35— 9:36 
—10:35—^11:35  A.  M.  12:85—1:35— 2:35— 3:35— 4:35— 5:8S-tf:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 
§Daily,  Sundays  excepted.  *{  Sundays  only. 
Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway',  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temeacal,  University ,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.    Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  228  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and   Webster,   Oakland ;     Park    street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct.  29.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Atft. 


Citizens'  Ina.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  9450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -         "  350,OOC 

Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,   -    "         435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       -       "  141,000 

Office— 210  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRANOISOO,  OAL. 

14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elmwood,    (Hen wood,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 


—  HUDSON  and  OLTR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Rauec,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


I  have  a  positive  ro. 
medy  for  tho  iiii'is  I-  dis- 
ease :  by  Its  use  thous- 
ands ol  cases  of  the 
it  kind  and  ol  InnKHtfirnllnK  hnvo  l>r>cn  i/ureu.  Iinlucd,  so  stmng 
[BmvfalthlnUsemi-Fir-v.  that  I  will  nentl  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE.  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TKEAT1SE  < 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  addn 


CONSUMPTION 


s  DR.T.  A.S1.0CO1,  181  Pearl  St.,  N.Y. 


Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH    Tin  in    i  NIQI  i  ami  VARIBD  ffOUTES  OF  RIVBK 

md  I;  ■.  'i.,r.   iii  lectione  ol  the  Padflc 

■  i.i  r. inn  .I,,.  v*q 

i  p  Hit-  i  olombln    Ti  thi  Dalli  .  Um  itilla,  Pi  ndli  I  i         11a 

111  .     I   .untrv  ,   Sunk.-     EUvi  i     Po  ■•■- 

Up  the  ivnd  d'Orciiic  Dlvlnlon— Xo  iinawortb,  i 
■    PUls,  Lake   Pend  dV  irollle,  and   all   | 
'■■  irthern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 
lit  the  WUlametlc  Vallej    To  OreVo"  Clty.fi 

■  .;  ■  ountr}  ol  South)  rn  i  i 
Dowtt  the  Columbia    Through  thi  movtpictun 

1 1  to  Astori  i  and  tnto  rmedlab  Po 

OVer    tO     I'llKfl     SmHImI       Tm  Ti-  ..mi  i,    I'1>i,l|i[:l,'S.;;iU]c,    Tort 

Townsend     Victoria  and   BeUngoamBaj     aBorttbrl  mirivuK-d  tor 
its  'ii  lightful  clim  it<  and  charrninb  prosp<  cte, 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dull}  Stages  connect  with  trains  on  ClarWe .Fork  Division, 
direct  for  >ll-sonla  and  aU  neighboring  pointed 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup'l  ol  Traffic,  Portland,  0r«  eon. 

Sun  FraiirfM-o  ollh-c     .'l  l  Montgomery  SI. 

(863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


AGENTS 


can  now  ^rasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
lit  worth  $10  lree.  Address  E.  O 
HIDEOUT  &  CO.,  10  BarclaySt.,  N.  Y. 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES 


MULLER'S  optical  depot 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1883. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
ITie  most    complicated  cases  of   defective   vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free    of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^•AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE..^ 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  3  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AGENTS    FOR.... 

spreckels'  Line  or  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Seed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327   Market  Street, 

Comer  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Fntrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


0 

Q 


^^T^ji 


ry  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"-^ 


nd  and  Pressed 
CIGARETTi  }.  .  " 


Pure,  Mild,        ___  ALLEX  &  GINTER, 
Z£ggianLa"d  Sweet.       M»„„r„,nrm,   „,.„„,„„,     Ta. 


|ICOLL m HE  fAILOR 

M     POPULAR     PRICES!  POPULAR    TAILOrT      I 

«    LARGE     STOCK!  Men's  and  Boys' 

LI         choice  woolen     "  J^  Ready-Made  Chiding.'  _ 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Carli,  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

NewtonBrosiCo. 

SAN   FRANCISCO 


POPULAR    TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys 

Ready-Made  Chthing.  _^_       And  Fancy  Neckwear 
816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco 


POPULAR     STYLES ! 

£_  Men's    Furnishing     Goods. 


ee. 


AN 

Extraordinary     Razor 

fJAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
Li  OWN  CO.  of  England.  Thj  edge  and  body 
s  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
}URE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
Jlldes  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
■having  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
3REAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
ixperts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
£wo  dollars  in  buffalo  handle;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
:everse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
141  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
;he  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
iuppiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Qncen's  Own  Company  having  enl- 
arged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
Ihe  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 

TwiCHEFTp 

-■-^  Kid   Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  lis  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    &    BRO'S, 
3'Ji    Market    Street, 

ownebs  op 

Spreckels'Line   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


siiBiEiei^irNr  balsam 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Colds.  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause 

l>F.POT.    413    )IO>I(;,mE«y    STREET.  For  sale  by  all  DruSSl.t». 


B. 


£3TAsk    For 

ILLOWS    UEER 

Brewed  by  O.  FAUSS  &  Co. 

WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY     li     YUNG, 
No.    C51    SACRAMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sax  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior 

QUALITY. 


II.  H.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


Prextiss  Seuby,  Sup't. 


UxDERHtLL,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 


Selfoy    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

maxctactitrers  op 

lead  Pipe,  S  leet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-Fr;ctlon  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery    Street,      -  San    Francisco 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR 

|WHITE 


GROCER    FOR   THE 

JROSE    FLOTJIR 


MANUFACTURED    BI    HIE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

S3T  Sec  loeal  notice  in  another  column, 


P-QLP       KENTUCKY       WHISKEY.  ~m 


IJVIIVIOIVD'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 
In  the  World. 

ask:  your, 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


"STDEPOT,  429  and  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "W 


KOHLER  A  CHASE,  137   to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiaao 

Also  for  the 
I  IM  III  U  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Lash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
Hou-i.-  on  till.-  Coast. 


H,   R.  WlLLlAR,  JB_ 

A.    CARLISLE 


A.  Carlisle. 

&  CO. 
Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Fraxciscc 

H.      HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery 

4  17    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRASCLSCO. 


Capital  Paid  Up 
Reserve  11.  S.  Bonds 


$3,000,000 
4,500.000 


Agency  at  r,ew  York  82  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE   AGENTS   FOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Cliickerlng  &  Sons.Boaton;  Blnthner.LeipzIg; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechtea, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAB  MARKET,  BAN  FBANOISCO. 
J.  J.  Palmer.  Valentine  Rey. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Prfntlngand  Lithographing 

PRESSES 

And      Material. 

hole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Bibcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wnreroonis,  405&  407  SansomeSt.  S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

SUCCESSORS     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAKE  RS 

And    EQ1BALHERS, 

22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


c 


o 


«^*  HARDWOOD   LUMBER -„J<S^22?22?8£gL.-aew 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  Strutter 


SA!U     1E4MHEO     TILLAGE-:     CARTS. 

(Wrrn    Phaeton   Top.) 

This  is  the  third  style  of  my  Village  Carts  that  has 
been  presented  to  the  readers  of  the  Wasp,  and  is 
perhaps  the  handsomest  style  that  I  make. 

For  the  use  of  ladies  when  on  calling  or  shopping 
expeditions  in  cities  or  country  towns,  nothing  more 
convenient,  graceful  or  dainty  has  yet  been  produced. 

One  of  these  vehicles  drawn  by  a  handsome  horse 
and  well  equipped  with  nice  robes,  and  carrying  two 
well-dressed  ladies,  presents  a  picture  of  elegance, 
lightness  and  grace  that  cannot  be  equaled  by  the 
more  cumbersome  and  heavy-appearing-  four-wheeled 
Phaeton  or  Buggy.  In  addition  to  its  satisfactory  ap- 
pearance it  is  the  safest  style  of  carriage  that  can  be 
used,  for  it  makes  little  difference,  as  far  as  safety  is 
concerned,  whether  the  horse  goes  forward,  backward 
or  sidewise,  the  vehicle  will  not  cramp  or  upset,  but 
will  follow  the  horse  and  accommodate  itself  to  his 
movements  however  eccentric  they  may  be. 

Remember  this  Cart  is  the  only  one  that  does  not 
tip  down  behind  if  a  large  horse  is  used  or  in  front  if 
a  small  one  is  employed,  but  can  always  be  made  level 
and  comfortable  regardless  of  the  seize  of  the  animal. 

This  Cart  is  warranted  to  ride  as  easy  as  the  best 
buggy  or  other  four-wheeled  vehicle,  and  to  be  abso- 
lutely free  from  the  nodding  or  bobbing  motion  of 
other  two-wheeled  conveyances. 

They  are  sold  contingent  upon  sustaining  the  above 
statements.  Send  for  illustrated  catalogue,  giving 
prices  and  different  styles,  or  call  and  examine  them. 

83T  Prices  from  $90  to  S150 

Jacob  Price,  San  Leandro,  CaL, 
Inventor  and  Manufacturer. 
TRC  II AN.  1*11 1M    A  CO., 
511  Market  St.,  San  Francisco,  CaL,  agents, 
N.   B.    The  Carts  can  be  Seen  AND   TPJED  at 
either  place. 


^sk 


^sk 


Throat, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Fevers. 

For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal . 


VALENTINE    II  AssMER.    933  Washington  St:,  eor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

IIS    SITTER    STREET San  Francisco,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER. 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

330  CALIFORNIA  STREET San  Francisco. 

JNO.  P.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cru2.  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250,000 

HOME  OFFICE: 
S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alfheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  Ddtton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Caepekter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  BEPBESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clarfc,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  '^S^'   MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICEBS— C.  L. Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  FranciB  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Allred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Fine  Fans  and  Art  Eric-a-Brac  repaired,  313  O'Farrell  Street,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 


DAMASCUS  ! 


Ladies.—  All  of  you  love  to  be  admired,  and  the  way  to  get  admi- 
ration is  to  have  a  clear,  soft  and  beautiful  complexion.  Creme 
Damascus  and  Powder  Damascus  will  make  the  sallow  skin  lovely, 
and  give  the  health-tintB  of  youth,  which  can  be  obtained  by  no 
other  means. 

The  Creme  Damascns  or  Lotus  Pearl) 'for  the  complexion,  unlike 
most  face  preparations,  does  not  give  a  whitewashed  appearance  to 
the  skin,  but  is  marvelous  in  its  effects,  making  the  complexion  fairer 
and  clearer.  Being  a  safe  preparation,  it  is  a  quick,  and  sure  skin 
purifier. 

The  Creme  Damascus  is  not  a  paint,  but  it  will  make  the  com- 
plexion fair,  velvety,  and  remove  all  pimples,  eruptions,  spots  and 
coarseness,  giving  the  skin  healthiness  and  purity.  Its  effect  is  im- 
mediate.    Regular  size,  50c.;  large  size,  $1. 

The  Creme  Damascus  is  also  evaporated  into  the  finest  powder 
in  use,  flesh  and  white.  Ladies  who  use  powder  will  be  perfectly 
delighted  with  the  CREME  DAMASCUS  POWDER.  Price  25c. 
and  50c.  per  box. 

Damascus  Boquet  Perfume,  fragrant  and  lasting,  75c  per  bot- 
le  with  Spray  Atomizer  free. 

Damascus  Shampoo,  an  elegant  Hair  Dressing  and  Hair  Restorer, 
prepared  expressly  for  use  at  home.     SI. 00  per  bottle. 


Damascus  Boquet  Toilet  Soap  is  tree  from  all  adulteration. 
Removes  pimples  and  roughness,  and  prevents  the  skin  from  chap- 
ping.    Improves  with  age.     25c.  per  cake;  1  box,  (3  cakes)  65c. 

THE  DAMASCUS  PREPARATIONS. 
Are  prepared  only  by  STODDART  BROS.,  Wholesale  Druggists, 
New  York. 

Sold  by  Druggists,  Dealers  in  Medicine  and  Fancy  Goods. 

If  not  kept  by  your  druggist  or  dealer,  call  or  send  to  our  Pacific 
Coast  Branch  Drug  Stere,  San  Francisco.  Remit  by  P.  0.  Order, 
Postage  Stamps,  or  Registered  Letter. 

AddreBS 

STODDART  BROS., 
DRUGGISTS  and   PERFUMERS, 

400  GEARY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,   CAL 


DR.  LIEBIG 

Corner  Geary  and  Mason  Streets, 
San  Francisco,  Cal. 


THE  CQLLEGE  INSTITUTE  for  the  cure  of  all 
Special  Complicated  and  so-called  Incurable  Chronic 
Diseases.  Dr.  Liebig's  German  In  viyorai  or  is 
Positively  Guaranteed  to  cure  Nervous  and  Physical 
Debility,  Weakness,  Logs  of  Energy,  Ringing 
and  Dizziness  in  (he  Head,  Melancholia, 
Hopeless   Feelings,   etc. 

The  Doctor,  a  regular  eollege  physi- 
cian from  Europe,  will  agree  to  forfeit  OIVB 
THOUSAND  DOLLARS  for  a  case  the  Iuvigora- 
tor  will  not  cure  under  special  treatment  and  advice. 

Dr.  Liebig's  lnvigorator  No.  !J  is  the  only 
positive  cure  for  these  diseases.  Pi  ice  of  either  In- 
vigorator,  $2  per  bottle,  six  for  $io.     Sent  to  any  address 


on  receipt  of  price,  or  C.  O.  D.  Responsible  persons  can 
pay  when  cured.     Strictest  Secrecy  Maintained. 

Patients  cured  at  home.  Dr.  Liebig  Dispensary  has  an 
Elegant  Drug  Store  in  its  building. 

Complaints  readily  yield  to  the  DR.  UlEBIG 
TREATMENT. 

Ordinary  Cases.— Any  recent  case  of  special 
diseases  cured  for  $io.  Remedies  sufficient  to  cure 
will  be  promptly  sent,  with  full  directions  and  advice,  on 
receipt  of  $io.  All  packages  are  securely  covered  from  ob- 
servation. 

Invigorator  Samples  Free  I 

To  prove  the  wonderful  power  of  the  GREAT  GER- 
MAN INVIGORATOR,  a  $3  BOTTLE  of  either 
number  will  be  sent  free  of  charge.  Persons  or- 
dering a  free  bottle  will  only  have  to  pay  expressage  on 
delivery. 

Most  Powerful  Electric  Belts  Free  to  Pa- 
tients I  Consultation,  Examination  and  Ad- 
vice free  and  private.     Call  or  write, 

DR.   LIEBIC   &   CO. 

400  Geary  Street. 

Private  Entrance:    405  MASON  ST. 

San  Francisco,  Oal. 


J"^4      jj^t       Jjfev,      >&, 


O 


'▲ 


N» 


VOL.    X. 


SAN    FUANC1SCO,  AI'IUL 


]bS> 


No. 


t-Urt 

J<EAKFASr 

ASP 

Ll'NCH 

Go  to  the 

lew    Englano 
KITCHEN. 

522 

'nllfoniln  SI. 


THE  CELEBRATED 

HAMPAGNE  WINES 

Messrs.  Danv.  &  Ghldbrmans  Ay,  en  Champatme. 


CACHET     BLASC- Extra    I>ry, 

Id  cases  quarts  and  pints, 

CABINET     GREEK      SEAl, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

lOKDKAI  V    BED    AND    WHITE    «IM*. 
In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  File. 

HOCK     MINES, 

In  cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

larles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STKEET. 


"Give  thy  soi  a  literal  education." 


OHAMBEBLAIN  &  BOBINSON 

PROPRIETORS. 


IIACIFIC 
f     BUSINESS 
ftQLLEGE. 


«"SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR"^ 


■      Leopold   Bro's 

LOBIST 

*        35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Crosso 


s 


8 

MOAT'i 

Street. 


Nomographer. 


LLEN   WIGAP.Y  &  CO, 

....WHOLES  A  TiTi 

IQUOR    MERCHANTS, 

822  and  S24  FROST  STBEET, 

N   FRANCISCO.   -  CALIFORNIA 


SCOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

hipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

CRAMENTO,  STOCKTON  AND  LOS  ANGELES 


BOKDEREE 

hampagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  tt*  m  Mr.   I  o«is  Knidrrir,  Hcim*,  over  bis  signature  and 

Consular  Invoice.)    Before  pun  ha.«inK.  K-t  thit  each  Case  and  bottle  bean  our  name. 

MACONORAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agente  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

"White  House"  Whiskies, 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS. 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA  WINES,  Etc., 
:it    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN. 

i  iti :\<  ii     itit  indies. 

PORT,     SHERRY.      Etc. 
Ill  bond  or  duty  pnid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 

318    Front      Street.    Room     ?,      San     Francisco 


K 


O  R, 


MERRIMAN'S 


FRAGRANT 

3 


I  \ 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    SALE     III     ALL     IIRI  (.<.(>  IS. 


JAME8    SllBA.  A.     BOCQI'ERAZ.  R.    McKBB. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaekson   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  DealerB. 
"  HILTON    J.     HARRY." 

"J.    F.    CUTTER." 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old    Bourbon    Wnlskfe*. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


S  O  HI  L  I  T  Z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHAEDS    &    HAERISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.  Corner    SANSOIIE   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets,    San   Francisco. 


k 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

•reat  Blood  Parifler.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


DIANOf|Hazelton  Bros 
First  Class,   V  ~~ 

"  Medium  Price,  A 


1 


FULL    VALUE         ■ 

FOB   YOUR  MONEY  mm 


HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
A..M.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 


. 


iper  Heidsiecli 

CHAMPAGNE ! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co,  Agents, 

.'ii  California  si.,  Han  FrnnclKco,  « "al. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

c.    z  i  in"  :n~  s  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR. 

No.  5  Montgomery   Street  Olnsoulc  IVmiilf), 
SA.\    FRANCISCO. 

**%  COLTON   m 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  speeialis.t8  for  extracting  teeth  without  pais.) 
HAVE      REMOVED     TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    C,    8    and      10, 

Entrain  e,  80C  Market  street. 

Dr.  CHAS   >v.   Ill  I  lit  It.  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and    Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Vfctoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  &  Do's 

[^BUDWEISER  BEERjl 


Heiti&fi, 


■WHOLESALE  BEALEES  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal, 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers' Association. 


House  worth's? 

Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  of  Excellence, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and    Shoe    Maker, 

W 


4^"  Received  awards"  or  CALIFORNIA' 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY ;  als«. 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  HcM  Wort-, 
mansfalp. 


I.  MEUSSDORFFERS  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CftRMANY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L.  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  GO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale  and    Betail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Beading, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SADLMANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  tan  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.     Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR    and     WESTPHALIA     HAMS        German 
A.  KEI*€IIE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

SKV  Jill-VM'IHH  (extra), 

L.  UOEBEKEK  (sweet  and  <iry>, 
MOET  *   t  II  i\l>ON. 

VEUVE    CLK'Ql'Oi', 

For  side  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYJE    WORKS. 

(Jons  F.  Snow  «  Co.) 
jJ3T  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel     ■ 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladies'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
Oil  AS.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F-     SMITH      M,     D., 

(Oculist.) 
-FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
"  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

!Vos.  114  anil  110  Market  street. 
Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


ILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 


Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


o  I  ters  Brothers  &  Go  PBix°!8<!0  Da™r'-  hhtkycasanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

—  'USSSSIEDealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

25  and  29  California  Street, 
221  California  Street,  Sail  Francisco        '  ReL  Davis  and  Drumm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 


QAN  CRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY, 

Capital  Stock 


.200,000 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW. 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN   ANT  CLIMATF. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


RCDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


R.S.  Falconer,  See'y.     W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  NACDONALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,  Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

21 J  to  228  Spear  St.,  21S  to  226  Smart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

OS     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-BOOM 

In  tie  World. 
Wm.    F.  lllKKIso\.  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NtJNAN,  Proprietor. 

HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  an  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 
shipping  and 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JDNOTION  MARKET   AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  B.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacifio  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  On. 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Lino-, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co,  (Limited) ; 
the  Murine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works;  the  Glasgow  iron  Co.; 
Nich,  Ashton  fe  Sot's  Salt 


+ 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    "T" 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


Hatural 
ClmjapeN 

DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 

530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES, 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


ffi^None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  label  and  Cork._^B 


£\tfFAND££ 

KOHLER  a  FROHLING 

ji     62jy^NTCflMg£ST.  8L.S,,E,.C0R..SUT[Eg.&  D  LQLQttLSIS,- ."  % 

S.F. 


L.    P.    DEGEN     Make 


WP      belt: 


■■V"^.^iw 

4oa9^s^^-  y\  ;; 

Wpmm 

1 

0-    r, 

m 

Water  Proot  Leather  Belting. 

•       13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


OH 
Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         lmm 
809   JIOCTGOMEItY  St.,  San    Pranelseo. 

H  .    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTINC&  HOSE. 

405    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont,  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  Commi&alon  Mer* 
39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  j 

[MPORTBE8  OF 

IE5  J±   IP   IE    Tl 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 

406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


,  , '      OF    ALL     KINDS. 

413  and   IIS  Sansome  St. 


CALIFOBNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,   Eighth  and   Crannan  streets. 

OLAUS  8PRE0KEL8 President 

J.  D.  8PREOKEL8    Vioe-Preldent 

A.  B.  8PRE0KELS Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  iDOLPUK  LOW,  President 
Office— SOS  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


. TRADE 


MARK. 


^-STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTTM 


A.    O.    COOK    &    SON, 

U5    HAJtKET     STBEET,     S.     P. 


CVOL.  10. 


yl9  34  9 


swr/rw  jr  ?»£■  /vsr  awes  jr  sM/fflyc/scc>  cm  4W  s90#/rv/?  /■/>/?  r/f/f/zs/rr/ss/o//  7~>/#0(/6/;'  77/2  /tfj/is  //r  Sfcowo  asss  tfjrss 


THE        CRIMES  '     OF        POLITICS. 


THE     WASP 


THE     LAST    OF    THE    ROMBERGS, 


From  the  German,  After  Willomitzer 


The  full  moon  trembled  with  terror  in  the  sky 
like  a  hunted  doe  chased  by  a  ravenous  pack  of 
clouds  pursuing  the  noble  game.  Finally  there  ap- 
peared a  gigantic  cloud-hound  which  devoured  the 
poor,  quaking  moon-doe.  The  sheen  of  the  dying 
moon  dripped  down  upon  the  earth  in  streams  of 
magic,  glowing  roe-blood.  It  was  a  sad  spectacle. 
Fully  erect  stood  a  lithe  youth  and  bored  his 
dark  brows  into  a  mighty,  heaving  bosom.  The 
name  of  the  youth  was  Johannes  ;  the  bosom  was 
the  bosom  of  the  sea.  But  from  far  off  the  hurri- 
cane howled  his  giant  anger  into  the  night  like  a 
lion  when  a  careless  passer-by  has  stepped  upon  its 
tail. 

Bowlders  were  strewn  upon  the  strand  like  ruins 
of  broken  human  hearts.  Upon  one  of  these  Jo- 
hannes sat  down.  Out  of  his  eyes  shot  dark  light- 
ning of  such  intensity  that,  despite  the  reigning 
darkness,  they  were  visible  for  miles.  Over  his 
softly  curling  moustache  flitted  a  smile,  but  that 
flitting  smile  was  so  weary  that  one  could  have 
caught  it  with  the  hand. 

"  Ah,  Destiny,  Destiny  !  "  the  lithe  youth  mur- 
mured, rivulet-like,  "  crazed  Destiny  !  Thou 
shouldst  be  strait-jacketed  and  locked  in  a  mad- 
house !  How  pitiful  hast  thou  hurled  me  down 
from  the  Chimborazo  of  first  love  into  the  abyss  of 
despair,  which  now,  terribly  bored,  yawns  against 
me  !  O,  Josephine,  yesterday  at  half-past  ten  in 
the  evening  you  still  tremblingly  clung  to  me  as 
the  sparkling  dew  drop  clings  to  the  exhaling  rose. 
The  nightingales  were  singing  ;  our  hearts  were 
beating  time.     O,  Josephine  !  " 

Johannes  broke  out  into  a  muffled  silence  and 
then  murmured  on,  while  he  drew  a  letter  from  his 
pocket. 

"  In  this  parting  note  my  intensely  beloved  Jo- 
sephine communicates  to  me  the  terrible  news  that 
she  is  not  a  girl  but  a  man.  and  therefore  cannot 
be  mine  !  Josephine  a  man  !  This  dry  fact  drives 
into  this  moist  marine  landscape.  Once  more  will 
I  immerse  myself  in  the  contents  of  this  letter  and 
then  in  the  sea  !  " 

The  letter,  the  contents  of  which  Johannes  mur- 
mured into  the  moonlit  night,  ran  as  follows  : 

Dearest  Johannes  :—  Farewell,  farewell  forever!  The 
paper-weight  of  destiny  hath  tried  us  heavily.  My  aunt, 
who,  since  my  infancy,  has  been  a  father  to  me,  has  gone 
to-night  into  a  nicer  vale  of  tears.  Dying,  she  has  con- 
fided to  me,  under  the  seal  of  reticence,  that  I  am  not  a 
maid,  but  a  youth,  and  that  my  name  is  not  Josephine, 
but  Joseph.  When  I,  a  tender  babe  came  to  her  care, 
she  reared  me  for  and  to  maidenhood,  in  order  to  with- 
draw me  from  the  dangers  and  vices  of  the  male  sex  which 
she  hated  bitterly.  Farewell !  It  would  have  been  so 
beautiful.  It  should  not  have  been.  Be  firm,  be  a  man 
— such  an  one  as  I  am,  to  the  regret  of  him  who  has 
been  your  Josephine. 

Johannes  folded  the  letter  which  was  moistened 
by  his  tears. 

"0  Josephine,1'  he  cried,  with  such  gigantic  an- 
guish that  the  waving  hair  of  the  sea  rose  in  terror 
against  the  heavens  and  then  fell  back  again  in 
tangled  ringlets.  Suddenly  he  heard  from  afar  the 
calling  of  his  name.  At  the  same  time  he  conceiv- 
ed feminine,  male  steps  and  a  white  female  robe 
glimmered  smilingly  towards  him.  Johannes'  eyes 
rolled  like  the  wheels  of  a  breathlessly,  hither- 
speeding  fire-engine.  At  the  next  moment  the 
whilom  Josephine  rested  upon  his  bosom.  But 
simultaneously,  with  convulsive  contortions,  they 
tore  away  from  each  other,  and,  softly  howling, 
turned  their  grief-bent  backs. 

"  I  came  to  die  with  you,"  groaned  at  last  the 
white  female  figure. 

These  words  made  the  sea's  mouth  water  ;  raven- 
ously a  foam-covered  tongue  of  a  wave  struck  the 
shore,  endeavoring,  evidently,  to  lick  up  the  pair. 
At  this  moment  the  moon  half  started  from  the 
clouds.  Presently  one  could  discover  a  sombre 
figure  rise  out  of  the  dismal  background.  Can  it 
be  the  spirit  of  Josephine's  defunct  aunt  ? 

No,  it  was  a  letter  carrier.  '  *  A  letter  by  express 
for  Mr.  Johannes  Romberg,"  cried  the  mail  mes- 
senger, while  he  handed  a  note  to  the  youth,  who 
was  thrilled  with  foreboding.  Then  he  disappear- 
en  without  a  trace,  just  as  he  had  come. 

The  letter  came  from  Johannes'  father — from  the 
good  old  Romberg.  Shivering  read  the  youth  by 
the  aid  of  the  moon's  dubious  rays  : 

*  *  *  About  to  breathe  my  last  I  hasten  to  commu- 
nicate to  you  the  following  :  You  are  aware  that  accord- 
ing to  law,  lovely  Blankenheim,  our  ancestral  manor, 


must  fall  to  a  collateral  branch  of  our  family,  should  I 
die  without  leaving  a  male  descendant.  As  a  direct  and 
honest  man,  I  have  always  been  the  enemy  of  all  collat- 
eral family  branches.  You  are  mine  only  child.  There- 
fore I  have  had  you  educated  as  a  boy  and  called  you  Jo- 
hannes, although  you  are  properly  a  girl  and  should  be 
called  Johanna.    Pardon  your  old     *     *■  * 

The  apparent  youth  caroled  forth  an  exclamation 
of  joy  so  powerful  that  the  daughters  of  the  sea, 
the  merry  waves,  began  to  dance  in  a  soul-trans- 
porting, wildly,  exhilarating  fashion.  Mightily 
sounded  the  hand-organ  of  the  storm  in  that  mad 
confusion.  Joseph  gazed  painfully  upon  his  frol- 
icking friend,  who  now  with  intoxicating  rapture 
folded  him  in  his  arms,  exclaiming  :  "I  am  a 
girl,  you  are  a  man  !  What  an  aunt's  folly  hath 
committed  is  atoned  for  by  a  father's  wisdom  !  " 

"  Is't  possible  ?  "  breathed  Joseph,  highly  elated. 
But  already,  at  the  next  moment,  he  withdrew  from 
Johanna's  passionate  embrace  and  moaned  appre- 
hensively : 

"  It  cannot  be  ;  you  have  a  beard  !  " 

"  Compose  yourself  my  friend  ;  replied  Johanna, 
not  nature  but  art  hath  lent  me  this  ornament. 
Believing  myself  a  young  man,  in  the  heat  of  my 
youthful  desire  I  have  used  Dr.  Quack's  specially 
patented,  beard-producer  !  " 

More  than  happy  they  stormed  once  more  into 
each  others  embrace.  Suddenly  Johanna  wrenched 
herself  desperately  free. 

' '  But  say,  Joseph,  how  is  it  that  to  you,  the 
man,  nature  hath  denied  that  lovely  ornament  of 
the  lips  of  youth,  and  hath  instead  forced  upon  you 
two  long  braids  which  sprout  out  of  your  manly 
head  ? :) 

Joseph  smiled,  blushing.  "  Believing  myself  a 
girl,  and  growing  indignant  at  the  silently  threat- 
ening beard,  I  have  used  "  Fake's  Decapillatory 
Balsam  ;  "  and  the  braids  are  a  birthday  present 
from  my  aunt." 

Once  more  they  locked  each  other  in  their  arms. 
"  Hark  !  "  whispered  Johanna,  "  do  you  not  hear 
from  afar,  the  low,  plaintive  tone3  tones  of  a  flute  ? 
It  is  probably  the  music  whereby  my  ancestral 
manor,  Blankenheim,  is  being  played  out,  because 
the  pseudo  last  Romberg  has  determined  to  end 
this  contemptuous  jugglery  and  be  to  you,  beloved 
Joseph,  a  true  wife  in  all  eternity.'' 

While  Joseph  and  Johanna  exchanged  their 
clothes  and  their  vows  of  eternal  fidelity,  the  moon 
emerged  full  and  entire  from  out  the  clouds,  like  a 
stray  infant  who  impatiently  kicks  out  from  the 
wet  cloud-diapers,  and  with  hopeful  gladness  smiles 
upon  our  marvelously  beautiful  world.  M.  T. 

San  Francisco,  March  27,  1SSS. 


suck  itself  into  the  existence  it  already  had  ;  when 
cribs  became  suckable,  so  to  speak  ;  how  the  educa- 
tional nondescript  could  fail  to  suck  itself  into  ex- 
istence after  it  had  shown  such  wonderful  powers 
that  it  could  spring  like  a  parasite  ;  and  last  but  not 
least,  .how  the  inconceivably  eccentric  vivacious 
moribund  could  die  when  it  had  never  lived.  If 
this  be  the  quality  of  English  which  meets  the 
approbation  of  the  cultivated  school  ma'ams  and 
the  critical  male  pedagogue  we  advise  Mr.  Patsy 
Hogan  to  chop  the  sticks  of  his  pugilistic  pit  into 
penholders  and  essay  the  publication  of  educational 
literature  ere  the  pugnacious  craze  desert  the 
addled  fates  of  the  nation  and  throw  on  the  intel- 
tectual  mart  a  host  of  battered  and  poverty-stricken 
prize-fighters. 


ADVICE     TO     PATSY     HOGAN, 


The  competition  for  the  usual  patronage  of  the 
State  Board  of  Education  has  attracted  some  atten- 
tion to  the  fact  that  there  is  such  a  thing  as  a 
school  journal  which  is  maintained  by  the  public 
purse.  A  good  round  sum  is  annually  devoted  to 
the  support  of  this  educational  agent  and  the  in- 
ference is  proper  that  the  editor  should  be  a  man  of 
at  least  sufficient  literary  ability  to  supervise  in- 
telligently the  dog-fighting  "  department  "  of  the 
"  Police  News."  We  have  in  the  light  of  our  in- 
creased knowledge  of  the  mysterious  workings  of 
the  State  Government  been  looking  through  the 
pages  of  the  present  official  journal  of  the  School 
Department  and  find  that  its  most  noticeable  pecu- 
liarities are  bad  grammar  and  distorted  English.  It 
is  just  such  a  journal  as  we  should  expect  to  find 
expounding  the  views  of  a  department  in  which 
political  influence  has  been  held  paramount  to 
honest  merit,  and  fealty  to  the  interests  of  text 
book  rings  more  worthy  than  a  faithful  performance 
of  public  duty.  Here  is  a  specimen  sentence  for 
the  editorial  department  of  the  pedagogue  ' '  organ. " 

"  Everybody  knows  that  then  an  educational  nonde- 
script sprang  into  being  parasite-like,  attempted  to  suck 
itself  into  existence  at  the  public  crib,  and  failing  died, 
leaving  not  a  wrack  behind." 

The  brain  which  raised  these  flowers  of  rhetoric 
from  the  mire  of  its  ordinary  thought  could  find 
congenial  employment  nowhere  outside  the  present 
sphere  of  its  usefulness.  The  sentence  is  a  marvel- 
lous specimen  of  convoluted  thought  that  should  be 
an  aphorism  of  Sconchin  Maloney  and  hung  on  the 
dead  walls  of  the  city  for  the  instruction  of  the  ris- 
ing generation.  The  principal  conundrums  that 
suggest  themselves  to  the  student  of  this  exquisite 
botanical  specimen  are,  how  a  nondescript  could 
spring  into  being  parasite^like  ;  why,  having 
attained  a  state  of  activity,  it  should  attempt   to 


When  Congress,  in  August  last,  says  the  Wash- 
ington Capital,  passed  a  law  requiring  all  officers  of 
the  Army  to  be  retired  at  the  age  of  64,  it  ^became- 
necessary  to  ascertain  the  ages  of  all  officers  on  the 
list,  Most  officers  had  given  their  ages  to  the  De- 
partment at  some  time  or  other,  but  not  under  oath 
or  as  an  official  act.  Here  was  a  demand  for  a 
truthful  statement  which  would  go  on  the  records 
of  the  Department  and  eventually  be  published  to 
the  world.  It  was  found  that  a  good  many  officers 
had  given  their  age  as  greater  than  it  really  was 
when  they  entered  West  Point  on  account  of  the 
requirement  of  the  law  that  the  cadets  should  have 
reached  a  certain  age  before  entering  the  academy. 
But  this  was  generally  a  matter  of  a  few  months 
only.  The  surprising  discovery  was  that  the  chap- 
lains of  the  Army  h;id  almo3t  without  exception 
misstated  their  age,  the  object  when  appointed  be- 
ing to  appear  younger  than  they  were.  In  one 
case  a  chaplain  had  given  his  age  as  seven  years 
less  than  it  really  was,  and  was  compelled  to  own. 
up  to  the  fib.      Some  of  them  were   four  years  out 

of  the  way. 

+  -»  « 

A  California  man  troubled  with  insomnia 
was  told  that  he  would  be  cured  by  going 
to  bed,  closing  his  eyes  and  picturing  in  his 
mind  a  flock  of  sheep  jumping  a  fence  one  at 
a  time.  This  experiment  nearly  made  him  in- 
sane. "  I  jumped  about  2,000  over  the  fence," 
he  says,  "  and  there  were  about  1,000,000 
left.  Sleep  !  I'd  given  $1,000  not  to  see  those 
sheep  jump  that  fence.  I  could  have  gone  to  sleep 
right  away  but  for  the  2,000,000  stupid,  white-faced 
sheep  standing  waiting  like  a  lot  of  fools  for  me  to 
jump  'em  over  the  fence.  Jump  'em,  did  I  say  ? 
|  I  had  to  boost'em,  drive'em,  hoist  every  one  of 
l  those  6,000,000  sheep  over  that  pasture  fence,  and 
when  I  turned  and  looked  back  there  were  13,000,- 
000  sheep,  stupid,  blank-faced,  white,  woolly  imps 
waiting  there,  each  saying,  '  Me  too;  my  turn 
next.'  " 


A  diplomatist  is  having  an  after-dinner  talk  with 
the  Grand  Vizier  of  the  Oriental  sovereign  to  whose 
court  he  is  accredited. 

"The  only  fault  I  have  to  find  with  your  system 
of  government,"  he  says,  laughingly,  "is  its  mur- 
derous tendency.  Why,  not  a  single  one  of  your 
Sultans  has  died  in  his  bed  during  the  last  two 
hundred  years  !  ''' 

"  You  mistake,  sir,  says  the  Grand  Vizier,  with 
patriotic  warmth.  "  Four  of  them  have  died  in 
their  beds  during  that  period.  Though  I  must  ad- 
mit that  in  each  case  the  royal  sleeper  was  found 
with  the  mattress  on  top  of  him  !  " 


Seth  Green,  the  great  fish  grower,  says  that  the 
carp  is  very  fond  of  vegetable  matter,  such  as 
potatoes,  cabbage,  turnips,  corn,  pumpkins,  and 
also  malt  from  breweries.  Mr.  Green  will  no 
doubt  bring  carp  to  such  a  high  state  of  cultivation 
that  we  shall  find  them  roving  through  our  kitchen 
gardens  and  washing  down  their  dinner  at  the 
nearest  lager  beer  saloon. 


"  Dat  boy  healthy  ?  '  said  a  negro,  referring  to 
his  son.  il  I  should  say  dat  he  is.  Why,  boss, 
'fore  he  was  six  years  ole  he  eat  up  all  de  rat  pizen 
in  de  house  an'  den,  mused  hissef  by  flinging  rocks 
at  a  circuit  rider.  Oh,  yas,  sah,  dat's  a  powerful 
healthy  chile." 


It  is  better  to  tell  your  lawyer  the  straight  truth 
and  trust  him  to  do  the  lying. 


Whisky's  trait — the  property  of  producing  head- 
aches. 


THE     WASP. 


THE     POET'S     LAMENT. 


Dedicated   to   A.    G.    B. 


Hardly  any  of  tin    San  Francisco  poets  appear  to  '><   get 
tingon,      '  Our  own  "  Bysa/te"  cam*  into  tin  o$a 

the  other    day    wearing    an    intolerable    hat. "  Prattle? 

March  SI 

When  the  poet  is  absorbed  in  meditation 

And  maturing  his  felonious  little  rhymes 
He  is  cheered  by  a  delusive  expectation 

Of  accumulating  many  little  dimes. 
Hut  he's  conscious  "t"  a  Blight  miscalculation 

When  he  comes  to  face  the  editorial  gun. 
And  he  finds  with  an  intense  exasperation 

That  a  poet's  lot  is  not  a  happy  one. 
Oh  !    when  literary  duty's  to  be  done,  t«i  be  dune, 
A  poet's  lot  is  not  a  happy  one  ! 

When  he  vainly  tries  to  find  an  inspiration, 

And  spends  a  day  in  finishing  a  verse, 
Then  there's  nothing  to  relieve  his  irritation 

But  to  imitate  his  editor  and— curse  ! 
And  finally,  when  finished  is  bis  ditty, 

That  unfeeling  and  misguided  autocrat, 
With  a  bosom  that's  impervious  to  pity 

Is  unkind  enough  to  ridicule  bis — hat ! 
( )h  !  when  his  assassination's  to  be  done,  to  be  done, 
A  poet's  lot's  a  mighty  happy  one  ! 


TIME. 

The  recent  lecture  uf  Dr.  T.  E.  Slevin,  on  the 
subject  of  Time,  before  the  Geographical  Society, 
was  a  learned  and  philosophical  production,  but  it 
dealt  exclusively  with  the  abstract  idea  of  dura- 
tion ;  for  this  reason  it  was  unsatisfactory  to  the 
masses,  who  have  been  taught  from  infancy  up  that 
time  is  money  and  that  money  makes  the 
mare  go.  This  no  doubt  was  handed  down  from 
past  ages  as  a  prophetical  allusion  to  Maud  S.  who 
adopted  the  Gregorian  calender  because  it  was 
slightly  ahead  of  the  (St. )  Julian. 

In  casting  about  for  a  definition  of  Time,  the 
Doctor  found  that  it  is  "  that  portion  of  duration  " 
in  which  all  mutable  things  exist."  A  better 
definition  might  have  been  :  "  that  portion  of  a 
man's  credit  which  is  bounded  by  the  limits  of  his 
tailor's  patience  and  the  size  of  the  bill." 

But  other  philosophers  than  Dr.  Slevin  have 
pondered  over  the  subject  of  Time.  Among  them 
ought  to  be  mentioned  the  Governor  of  North 
Carolina  who  on  a  memorable  trip  through  Ken- 
tucky s-iid  to  the   Governor   of   South   Carolina  : 

"  It's  a longtime  between    drinks."     Young 

says  :  "  We  take  no  note  of  time  save  by  its  loss." 
He  had  evidently  encountered  a  pickpocket.  Josh 
Billings,  too,  remarks  :  "  Time  tries  all  things  like 
frost  tries  potatoes."  One  of  the  ancient  philosop- 
hers said  :  "  Time  flies."  In  latter  days  this  was 
transposed  and  we  now  have  :  "  Fly-time."  The 
original  article  is  supposed  to  be  indigenous  to 
English  soil,  for  one  of  her  poets  who  had  never 
traveled  out  of  his  country  wrote  :  "  I  know  a 
bank  whereon  the  wild  thyme  grows,"  and  Shakspeare 
makes  Hamlet  say  :  "  The  times  are  out  of  joint. " 
This  would  indicate  that  the  genuine  English 
article  is  a  kind  of  joint-weed  or  something  of  that 
sort. 

But  Dr.  Slevin,  quietly  ignored  all  these 
plain  and  simple  truths  that  go  to  make  up  the 
ordinary  man's  conception  of  time.  He  said  noth- 
ing about  "  good  times,"  "  bad  times,"  "  hard 
times,"  "fast  time,"  "slow  time,"  "  suntime," 
11  railroad  time,"  nor  the  "  time  Mary  Ann  had 
at  the  picnic."  It  is  true  that  he  mentioned  the 
alleged  facts,  that  once  the  sun  stood  still,  that  at 
another  it  moved  backward*,  and  he  tried  to  draw 
some  idea  of  time  from  ohese  phenomena  that 
would  come  within  the  comprehension  of  mediocre 
people  ;  but  he  did  not  say  anything  about  "  bed 
time,"  "single  time,"  "  double  time,"  '*  one  time," 
"  time  and  again,"  "  the  fulness  of  time  "  nor 
"  lime  to  take  a  drink."  The  time  it  takes  a  fash- 
ionable woman  to  dress  for  the  opera  was  not  re- 
ferred to  at  all,  and  the  time  the  married  man  gets 
home  from  the  club,  and  the  clubbing  he  gets  after 
that  time,  were  left  entirely  out  of  the  Doctor's 
calculations.  Then  there  is  also  the  time  at  which 
the  dutiful  wife  should  get  up  and  build  the  morn- 
ing fire.  Boyhood  longs  for  marble  time,  girlhood 
for  party  time,  and  the  young  man  looks  out  for 
the  time  when  the  stealthy  footsteps  of  his  girl's 
father  are  heard  on  the  stairway. 

The  fastest  time  ever  made  was  by  a  boy  in  get- 


ting away  from  a  bull-dog  in  a  melon  patch;  the 
Slowest  was  in  Jacob's  courtship  of  Rachel.  The 
longest  time  on  record  La  that  usually  consumed  by 
Supervisor  Strother  in  elucidating  a  four-inch  idea; 
the  most  windy  fcime  whs  when  he  made  his  last, 
speech  on  the  water- question^  There  is  time  that 
laughs  at  love  and  makes  a  fool  of  constancy  ; 
"past  time,"  "  martime,"  "  dry  times,"  "  time  de- 
posits "  and  ;i  time  immemorial.1 

But  none  of  these  were  mentioned.  The  Doctor 
talked  about  equinox ial  storms,  the  movements  of 
heavenly  bodies,  the  revolutions  of  the  earth  and  a 
lot  of  stuff  like  that,  which  was  so  foreign  to  the 
popular  ideas  of  time  that  this  criticism  seemed  a 
positive  necessity.     Time's  up. 

IMPROVED     u  PERSONALS.'1 


I  have  noticed  recently  that  the  "  great  dailies  " 
are  devoting  much  attention  to  personal  intellig- 
ence, but  apparently  without  very  eminent  success. 
When  what  are  known  as  "  personals  "  in  the 
local  press  have  any  flavor  or  color  to  them  they 
are  stolen  bodily  from  the  "  Sunbeams  "  of  the 
New  York  Sun,  and  when  mention  is  made  of  any- 
body we  know  and  are  interested  in  we  are  simply 
informed  that  they  are  at  some  hotel  in  the  city. 
As  examples  of  how  the  prevalent  bald  "  per- 
sonal "  may  be  improved,  the  following  are  ap- 
pended : 

Colonel  J.  P.  Jackson,  the  versatile  editor  of 
the  Evening  Ghost  has  been  known  to  give  birth  to 
mine  lies  in  one  litter.  He  is  much  attached  to 
their  father. 

John  S.  Enos,  recently  appointed  figure-head  for 
the  State  of  California,  owes  his  appointment  to 
the  fact  that  he  possesses  "  the  fatal  gift  of  beauty.' 

Major-General  Warden  John  McComb  is  the 
most  noted  sleeper  on  the  Coast.  He  acquired 
this  agreeable  musical  accomplishment  by  practic- 
ing on  his  own  editorials  in  the  Alta.  Hence  his 
popularity. 

Dr.  Merritt,  of  Oakland,  is  a  rich  man  and  con- 
sequently a  proud  one.  He  was  once  chased  over 
a  fence  by  a  steer  owned  by  old  Sabe  Harris.  When 
he  had  climbed  into  a  place  of  safety  he  shouted  to 
the  steer-compeller  :  ' '  Why  in  blank  don't  you  keep 
your  bull  at  home  1  "  "  Oh  stay  at  home  your- 
self," answersd  old  Sabe.  "  Do  you  know  who  I 
am  ?  I'm  Dr.  Merritt."  "  Why  didn't  you  tell 
the  bull  that  ?  "  was  all  the  satisfaction  he  got. 

It  is  a  mistake  to  suppose  that  William  H.  Mills, 
late  of  the  Record-Union,  paints  his  face.  His 
rich,  yellow  bloom  was  acquired  by  drinking  too 
much  of  the  Sacramento  water  unmixed.  He  is 
simply  saturated  with  "  slickens. " 

Imitation  is  the  sincerest  flattery,  but  the 
parents  of  the  future  editor  of  the  Weekly  Call, 
when  they  endowed  their  infant  with  three-fourths 
of  the  name  of  an  embyro  Major-General  could  not 
have  known  how  galling  it  would  be  for  William 
Henry  Livingstone  Barnes  to  be  continually  mis- 
taken for  a  "  high  joint  "  among  secret  societies 
and  the  President  of  the  Pacific  Coast  Press  As- 
sociation. To  add  to  the  confusion,  both  men 
wear  red  noses  and  both  make  speeches,  but  it  ii 
only  fair  to  state  that  the  editor  of  the  Call  is  not 
a  "  divvle  among  the  girrls." 

John  S.  Gray,  the  late  expert  Secretary  of  the 
Harbor  Commission,  has  suffered  from  crooked  feet 
ever  since  childhood.  This  unfortunate  affection 
has  recently  extended  to  his  fingers  and  he  is  now 
sojourning  at  a  health  resort  for  treatment.  When 
he  returns  he  will  reside  in  the  basement  of  the 
old  City  Hall.     He  is  not  in  a  hurry  to  return. 

Controller  Dunn  is  now  appearing  in  the  scream- 
ing farce  of  "  The  Rape  of  the  Treasury  "  which 
has  been  performed  more  than  a  thousand  times  in 
this  country.  The  joke  turns  on  the  comical  dis- 
appearance of  the  leading  man.  Antolycus. 


While  the  newspapers  are  wrangling  about  the 
issuance  of  those  $5,000,000  bonds,  the  belated 
pedestrian  is  stood  up  by  the  industrious  garrotter, 
and  the  stranger  sea  captain  is  flung  from  the  buggy 
of  the  accommodating  stevedore.  We  refer  to  the 
Captain  of  the  Pmmore  who  relies  more  upon  his 
pins  since  his  adventure  last  week  in  our  dark 
streets. 


Editor  Pixley's  lance  is  of  straw,  and  his  armor 
of  dough.  His  helm  is  as  brittle  as  a  rotten  water- 
melon, and  his  cuirass  as  penetrable  as  a  wet  news- 
paper. He  challenged  a  priest  to  a  controversy  on 
the  public  school  question,  and  fell  down  before 
the  dominie's  first  tilt. 


FOREIGN     FUN. 

FRENCH. 

Some  physicians  were  discussing  the  difficulty  of 
making  a  true*  diagnosis: 

For  myself,"  said  a  young  doctor  belonging  to 
a  hospital,  "k  1  am  never  mistaken  ;  1  discover  the 
nature  of  the  illness  of  all  my  patients,  without  ex- 
ception." 

"  After  the  autopsy  !  "  muttered  an  old  doctor. 


Two  friars  chatted  by  the  way  ;  one  said  : 

"  Within  the  world  which  is  the  loveliest  sight, 
Brunette  or  blonde,  the  black  or  golden  head  '.'  " 

"  Ah,  brother,"  the  reply,  "  or  red  or  white, 
The  hue  is  not  the  woman's  self,  God  wot  ! 

How  useless  such  ft  matter  to  contest ; 

But,  merely  to  resolve  the  point,  the  best, 
Upon  my  soul,  is  she  one  lia-s  not  got '!  " 

Fragment  of  a  dialogue  everheard  at  an  exhibi- 
tion of  pictures  : 

lJ  Ah  !   behold  the  handsome  Max  !  " 
"  No,  my  dear   Ernest,  you   flatter   me  !     Less 
ugly  than  you,  that  is  all  !  " 


All  men  are  fools  ;  to  see  none  pass, 

Draw  blinds  and— break  your  looking-glass. 


"  Why  have  you  never  married  ?  "  some  one 
asked  a  confirmed  old  bachelor. 

"  Marriage,"  he  answered,  "  is  such  a  serious 
thing  it  is  not  too  much  to  tVink  about  it  all  one's 
life." 


GERMAN. 

Child  (sitting  on  its  grandfather's  lap  and  notic- 
ing his  baldness) — Why,  grand-pa  !  There  is  a  head 
growing  out  of  your  hair  ! 

Singular  address  : 

Mr.  August  Mayer, 

Atpros.mfc  "  Wild  Hog," 

Coblentz. 


Baron  R. — At  what  time  does  the  execution  of 
the  murderer  take  place  ?  I  should  like  to  be 
there.  \ 

Count  P.— At  five  o'clock  in  the  morning. 

Baron  R.— Heavens  !    How  inconsiderate  ! 


Principal. — In  regard  to  the  student  Huber,  he 
must  be  punished  for  insulting  my  colleague,  the 
teacher  of  natural  history,  by  calling  him  the  name 
of  an  animal. 

Teacher  of  Natural  History. — Oh,  no,  I  will 
merely  write  him  down  in  my  department  as  "  in- 
competent," because  he  could'nt  distinguish  me 
from  a  rhinoceros. 

Caller. — O,  your  wet-nurse  is  a  black  woman  ! 
Laoy    of    the    House.  — Certainly ;     I    am    in 
mourning. 


Mother. — Charlie,  did  you  divide  the  package  of 
chocolate  with  your  little  brother  ? 

Charlie.— Oh  yes,  mamma,  I  ate  the  chocolate 
and  gave  him  the  paper  with  the  label  ;  you  know 
he  likes  to  read. , 


Court  style  :      "  Hereupon  the  Most  High  went 
to  church  to  return  thanks  to  the  Highest." 

"  O  !  sir,  please  give  me  work  !  " 

"  What  is  your  business  ?  " 

"  Gilder  of  domes  and  steeples." 


Drummer. — Excuse  me  ;    my  name  is  Meyer. 
Merchant. — T  excuse  it  in  you. 


Two  men  pass  a  drunkard.     One  says  : 
"  He  has  so  much  color  he  looks  like  a  chromo." 
"  No,"   says  the  other,   "  he  is  like  an  engraving 
that  always  has  a  glass  before  it." 


Father  (to  his  son,  ten  years  old). — You  ill-bred 
boy  !     I  shall  thrash  you. 

Son. — Don't  talk  so  loud,  father  !  Remember 
the  servant  girl  can  hear  everything,  and  then  I 
shall  lose  my  authority  over  her. 


School  Inspector. — Who  are  the  best  in  your 
lass  ? 
Teacher.— The  best  are  not  there  at  all. 

—  Translated  by  E,  F.  Dawson 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


APRIL    7,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  M'J  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST..  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFAELANE    &    CO., 
Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

One  copy,  one  year,  or  52  numbers §5  00 

One  copy,  six  months,  or  26  numbers    -----    2  50 
One  copy  for  thirteen  weeks   --------      125 

Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 

The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 

All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
fc  ions  and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp  :  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.  W.  A.  Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldeon,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

No  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


The  State  constitution  requires  that  all  property 
be  assessed  at  its  full  cash  value.  As  every  tax- 
payer has  to  make  a  sworn  statement,  we  are  bound 
to  assume  that  the  following  valuations  taken  from 
the  Assessor's  books  for  the  year  1882,  are  correct, 
though  it  has  been  commonly  thought  that  the  per- 
sonal property  here  designated  was  worth  more. 
Colonel  Andrews,  of  the  Diamond  Palace,  it  ap- 
pears, has  only  $17,000  worth  of  merchandise.  It 
is  a  small  shop.  Braverman,  Levy  it  Co. ,  manage 
to  get  on  with  a  stock  valued  at  §29,000.  Neither 
of  these  concerns  has  any  solvent  credits  or  money. 
The  Call  Publishing  Company  contrives  to  issue  a 
great  daily  newspaper  with  type  and  machinery 
worth  $12,000.  The  total  value  of  the  personal 
property  of  the  Central  Pacific  Railroad  Company 
—including  $100  worth  of  horse-harness — is  $63,- 
715.  It  is  a  struggling  concern.  Charles  Crocker's 
residence  rejoices  and  is  beautiful  with  $46,500 
worth  of  furniture  and  paintings.  The  machinery 
and  material  of  the  Chronicle — including  the 
famous  $40,000  press— is  worth  $10,000.  J.  B. 
Haggin's  residence  is  economically  magnificent 
with  $9,000  worth  of  furniture,  but  he  has  a  watch. 
The  jewelry  and  plate  of  Mrs.  Hopkins,  which  have 
so  dazed  the  reporters,  are  worth  $1,050  and  all 
those  amazing  pictures  are  dear  $5,900.  Kohler 
&  Frohling  are  nearly  sold  out  ;  they  have  only 
$13,660  worth  of  wines  and  liquors  left.  The 
residence  of  the  late  Judge  Lake  is  meagerly  sup- 
plied with  furniture  worth  $2,000.  Lebenbaum, 
Goldberg  it  Bowen  manage  to  make  a  pretty  good 
display  with  $26,300  worth  of  merchandise  ;  J.  J. 
O'Brien  &  Co.,  with  $32,500.  The  Nevada  Bank 
hasn't  anything  but  $220,580  in  money — no  furni- 
ture, fixtures  or  other  nonsense.  James  Phelans 
furniture  is  worth  $2,300,  but  his  fire-arms  are 
valued  at  $20 — probably  a  couple  of  small  cannons. 
The  type,  fixtures  and  material  of  the  Bulletin  Com- 
pany amount  to  $7,000.  Irving  M.  Scott  is  happy 
with  $1,000  worth  of  paintings,  and  is  known  as  a 
patron  of  art.  Leland  Stanford  has  furniture 
and  paintings  worth  $53,500— no  cents  ;  but  his 
two  watches  are  worth  $150,  or  $75  each.  W.  K. 
Vanderslice  it  Co.,  worry  along  carrying  only 
$15,000  worth  of  goods.  Samuel  Wilson's  entire 
outfit  is  worth,  to  a  cent,  what  it  was  the  year  be- 
fore, $7,580.  Though  none  of  these  people  have 
much  personal  property,  they  are  rich  in  the  posses- 
sion of  consciences  that  are  perfectly  pellucid. 


about  the  Mayor's  veto  we  shall  hear  no  more  about 
the  proposition  to  borrow  the  sum  of  five  hundred 
thousand  dollars  at  five  per  cent,  interest  to  restore 
a  municipal  deficiency  of  two  hundred  and  fifty 
thousand.  The  plan  had  never  any  other  purpose 
than  to  put  the  present  Supervisors  on  a  footing  of 
equality  with  their  illustrious  predecessors  in  the 
matter  of  opportunity  to  steal.  They  would  just 
like  to  show  the  people  how  honest  they  are  by 
plunging  their  arms  into  a  heap  of  borrowed  coin 
and  pulling  them  out  again.  They  don't  want  a 
penny  of  it,  O  dear,  no  ;  what  they  covet  is  a 
chance  to  prove  their  probity  and  win  the  grand 
confidence.  If  the  city  would  collect  the  money 
due  it  for  delinquent  taxes  and  unpaid  judgments 
there  would  be  no  deficiency.  But  even  if  it  never 
gets  a  cent  of  this  there  is  no  reason  in  borrowing. 
Every  mother's  son  of  the  county  officers  is  dis- 
tinctly pledged  to  conduct  his  office  with  the  ut- 
most possible  economy.  So  far,  not  a  rogue  of 
them  has  done  anything  toward  reducing  his 
expenses  ;  upon  the  police  alone  has  fallen  the 
burden  of  official  sins.  It  is  not  desirable  to 
establish  a  precedent  for  borrowing  money  when- 
ever we  have  suffered  our  former  servants  to  steal, 
and  while  permitting  our  present  ones  to  squander. 
We  have  got  into  our  difficulty  by  our  discreditable 
habit  of  electing  knaves  and  incompetents.  An 
empty  treasure  is  the  just  punishment,  and  may  it 
be  sanctified  to  our  souls. 


It  is  to  be  hoped  that  after  the  various  kinds  of 
grabbing    disappointees    have   had  their    sputter 


In  the  Argonaut,  a  weekly  newspaper  under  the 
joint  control  of  the  Central  Pacific  Railroad  Com- 
pany and  the  Spring  Valley  Water  Works,  Mr. 
Charles  Crocker,  of  the  former  concern,  has  been 
pleased  to  utter  the  thing  he  calls  his  miDd  anent 
his  rights  and  wrongs.  Mr.  Crocker  accentuates 
the  circumstance  that  all  the  owners  of  his  road  are 
Californians  and  ■'  therefore  "  all  their  work  "  has 
been  done  in  the  interest  of  California."  "  This," 
he  explains,  *'  is  necessarily  so."  We  must  remind 
him  that  three-fourths  of  the  criminal  classes  here 
are  Califorriians  in  the  same  sense  that  he  and  his 
confreres  are  Californians  ;  that  most  of  the  rascally 
office-holders  who  have  plundered  the  common- 
wealth have  been  Californians  ;  that  Meiggs  was  a 
Californian,  Ralston  a  Californian  ;  that  Duncan 
is  a  Californian,  Tibbey  a  Californian,  Gray  a  Cali- 
fornian ;  that  all  the  convicts  at  San  Quentin  are 
Californians.  Having  these  shining  examples  be- 
fore bis  eyes,  the  man  who  can  point  to  his  resi- 
dence in  California  as  a  proof  that  his  "  greatest 
pride  and  interest  is  to  benefit  his  State  "  may 
justly  boast  himself  impregnable  to  common  sense 
and  unaffected  by  considerations  of  reason.  "Our 
interests,"  says  Mr.  Crocker,  "  are  identical  with 
the  best  welfare  of  the  State."  Let  us  see  if  they 
are.  Let  us  imagine  a  well  laid  scheme  by  which 
Mr.  Crocker  and  his  associates  could  legally  trans- 
fer to  themselves  in  a  week  one- fourth  of  the  real 
and  personal  property  of  this  State.  Would  it  be 
to  their  interest  to  forego  that  advantage  1  Would 
it  not  be  to  the  interest  of  the  State  that  they 
should  I  Mr.  Crocker  knows  that  in  the  absence 
of  restraining  legislation  he  and  his  associates  can 
in  ten  years  take  twenty  millions  of  dollars  in  fares 
and  freights.  Is  it  to  their  interest  to  spread  the 
exaction  over  a  period  of  fifty  years,  when  they 
cannot  hope  to  live  half  so  long  I  If  their  goose 
has  a  bellyful  of  more  golden  eggs  than  she  would 
lay  in  their  life  time  it  is  to  their  interest  to  kill 
her.  Having  done  so,  Mr.  Crocker  would  justify 
the  act  by  reaffirming  an  "  identity  of  interest,"  in 
that  it  did  the  goose  good  to  be  killed. 


It  is  to  the  interest  of  the  people  of  this  State  to 
pay  as  little  as  possible  for  travel  and  transporta- 
tion.    If  that  is  also  to  the  interest  of  the  railroad 


managers  it  ought  to  be  easy  enough  to  effect  a 
modus  vivendi.  Let  them  carry  for  nothing,  until 
their  already  accumulated  millions  are  exhausted 
in  running  expenses,  then  restore  rates  to  such  a 
figure  as  to  give  them  a  bare  living  while  they  are 
spared  to  serve  us.  If  they  are  not  prepared  to 
push  their  principle  tn  this  logical  extreme  let  us 
hear  no  more  idle  nonsense  about  an  "  identityof  in- 
terest "  between  people  who  lay  down  money  and 
people  who  pick  it  up.  Mr.  Crocker  appears  to 
fatigue  of  his  eminence  as  a  rogue  and  to  covet  the 
added  distinction  of  boss  fool. 

This  truly  good  man  and  great  reasoner  declares 
with  all  the  terrors  of  italics  that  until  his  capital 
is  given  protection  he  will  put  no  more  money  into 
railroads  in  this  State.  As  all  the  money  he  ever 
put  into  railroads  of  this  State  was  the  money  of 
others  ;  as  he  never  had  any  money  except  what 
he  begged  from  the  Government  with  one  hand 
and  took  from  the  people  with  the  other  ;  as  he 
has  kept  it  all  for  his  honesty  ;  we  think  we  dis- 
cern a  distinct  public  advantage  in  the  execution 
of  that  threat.  Let  him  put  no  more  money  into 
railroads,  and  let  it  be  the  no  more  money  of  his 
neighbors.  We  will  forego  the  projected  line  from 
Soledad  to  Sumner,  the  line  from  Shingle  Springs 
northwest,  the  line  from  Berenda  into  the  moun- 
tains and  the  line  from  Vacaville  connecting  with 
a  squirrel-track  in  Mendocino.  What  we  want 
from  Mr.  Crocker  is  fewer  new  railroads  and  more 
of  the  money  that  he  owes  for  taxes  on  those  we 
have  already  built  for  him. 


In  the  capture  of  John  S.  Gray  there  is  matter 
for  exultation  among  the  lawyers.  This  rising 
young  thief  is  connected  on  the  brother's  side  with 
the  Central  Pacific  Railroad.  He  was  appointed 
to  the  position  that  he  so  brilliantly  disgraced,  on 
the  recommendation  "f  Mr.  Leland  Stanford,  and 
held  it  by  the  grace  of  Governor  Perkins.  His 
bondsmen  are  most  respectable  citizens.  The 
members  of  the  Commission  that  he  served,  and 
served  right,  have  a  peculiar  interest  in  the  pres- 
ervation of  his  good  name.  All  these  persons  must 
be  regarded  as  Mi'.  Gray's  natural  protectors,  and 
it  is  fortunate  for  the  lawyers  that  they  are  all 
abundantly  blessed  with  the  means  to  contest  his 
conviction.  Another  element  that  he  will  natur- 
ally draw  to  his  support  is  the  temperance  class, 
for  it  is  not  to  be  forgotten  that  this  conscientious 
young  man  was  always  pained  when  invited  into  a 
saloon,  and  on  several  occasions  expressed  his  be- 
lief that  dram-drinking  led  directly  to  malfeasance 
in  office.  With  these  various  elements  of  strength, 
Mr.  Gray  ought  to  be  able  to  make  as  long  a  fight 
in  the  courts  as  Duncan  did,  without  drawing 
upon  his  private  fortune,  estimated  at  some  fifty 
thousand  dollars,  and  on  his  final  acquittal  go  into 
some  kind  of  business.  Of  course  the  lawyers  have 
to  face  the  probability  that  the  Attorney-General 
will  be  bought  off  early  in  the  proceedings  and  re- 
fuse to  prosecute  ;  for  he  is  himself  a  lawyer. 


Professor  Welcker,  the  Superintendent  of  Public 
Instruction,  has  decided  that  Chinese  children  can- 
not on  any  terms  be  admitted  into  the  public 
schools.  We  have  not  the  space  this  week  to  dis- 
cuss this  monstrous  and  ridiculous  dictum,  but  have 
filed  it  ;  and  if  we  do  not  next  week  show  that  it 
■has  no  foundation  in  reason  or  justification  in  law 
it  will  be  because  by  that  time  we  shall  have  for- 
gotten Professor  Welcker's  rather  unnecessary  ex- 
istence. In  the  meantime  we  should  like  to  in- 
quire from  what  asylum  this  impertinent  pedagogue 
obtained  his  legal  adviser,  and  if  that  gentleman  is 
to  be  a  permanent  addition  to  the  Department,  or 
has  been  returned  to  his  keeper. 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


The  Board  of  Education  is  showing  the  cue 

dirty  hand  of  Hoards  of  Education  as  San  Francisco 
has  the  advantage  of  knowing  them.  A  solid  ma- 
jority of  eight  is  boosting  its  female  relatives  and 
favorites  from  the  bottom  of  the  ladder  to  the  top. 
Merit,  qualification,  long  service  count  for. nothing. 
Promotion,  like  kissing,  goes  by  favor,  and  there  is 
B  deal  of  kissing  besides.  When  a  shapely  young 
damsel  with  a  new  certificate  brandishes  her  eyes 
at  old  Cleveland  she  fetches  him  every  time.  When 
Bhe  executes  a  significant,  sly  smile  at  Melchor  that 
worthy  lays  down  his  arms.  Conklin  surrenders 
unconditionally  to  the  tenth  part  of  a  wink,  and 
Daniel witz  grows  trembly  in  the  knees  and  feels 
alloverish  at  the  disclosure  of  an  inch  of  ankle. 
Hastings  gets  white  about  the  gills  at  the  feel  of 
the  female  hand  ;  Eaton  and  Foard  are  precipita- 
ted into  erotic  convulsions  by  a  preparatory  pucker 
of  a  pair  of  ruby  smackers.  Cahalin  alone  is  stol- 
idly unaffected  by  these  artful  blandishments  ;  he 
just  steels  his  heart  against  all  such  nonsense,  and 
with  an  adamantine  sense  of  duty  lays  hold  of  his 
own  daughter  and  snatches  her  along  to  the  head 
of  the  procession. 


Several  years  ago  Mr.  Troy  Dye,  the  Public  Ad- 
ministrator  of  Sacramento  county,  murdered  a 
wealthy  rancher  for  the  purpose  of  administering 
on  his  estate.  This  was  highly  improper  and  Mr. 
Dye  was  severely  censured  by  the  chief  executive 
officer  of  the  county.  On  last  Monday  night  Mr. 
John  McCarthy  attacked  a  woman  with  a  knife,  in- 
flicting a  cut  about  six  inches  long  in  her  cheek,  the 
evident  intention  being  to  decapitate  her.  The 
significance  of  the  act  is  seen  in  the  circumstance 
that  Mr.  McCarthy  was  recently  connected  with  the 
Coroner's  office.  It  seems  probable  that  he  was  im- 
pelled to  this  reprehensible  act  by  the  stress  of 
habit ;  he  had  been  supplying  his  superior  officer 
with  dead  bodies  for  inquests  ;  and  that  is  not  right. 
Indeed,  it  is  hardly  too  much  to  say  that  it  is  wrong. 


I  have  received  the  following  civil  note  : 

Dear  Sir  —You  are  respectfully  invited  to  assist  at  a. 
lecture  to  be  given  by  me  on  the  "  Descent  of  Man  "  and 
the  refutation  of  the  so-called  missing  link,  Krao.  Yours, 
respectfully,  J.  Lupro,  M.  D. 

The  lecture,  it  is  added,  is  to  be  given  at  Lafay- 
ette Hall  on  Sunday,  April  8,  at  2  p.  m.  The  note 
is  a  trifle  obscure,  but  I  infer  that  the  Doctor 
means  to  pitch  into  poor  Krao  and  do  what  he  can 
to  deprive  her  (for  Krao  is  a  lady  link)  of  her  sole 
means  of  support.  Has  he  counted  the  cost  of 
serving  Truth  to  the  disadvantage  of  im posters 
and  impostrices  ?  Has  he  estimated  the  blackness 
of  the  motive  that  will  be  imputed  to  him  and  fig- 
ured out  the  number  of  scoundrels  that  he  will  be 
called  I  Why,  he  will  be  fitted  with  such  a  multi- 
tude of  bad  names  that  his  fancy  will  see  in  every 
mirror  that  he  looks  into  so  interminable  an  array 
of  dark-hearted  rascals  that  he  will  confess  himself 
the  civil  service  of  the  United  States. 


I  know  how  it  is  myself.  For  many  years  in  this 
town  I  have  been  performing  sturdy  service  to  Lit- 
erature by  calling  all  other  writers  dunces  ;  to 
Honesty  by  pointing  out  the  circumstance  that  all 
my  neighbors  are  rogues  ;  to  Art  by  affirming  that 
nobody  but  T  knows  anything  about  it ;  to  Truth 
by  asserting,  after  David,  that  all  men — including 
the  Psalmist — are  liars.  And  what  is  the  result  ? 
Why,  whenever  I  go  out  for  a  solitary  walk  I  don't 
feel  satisfied  that  I  am  all  there  until  I  have  taken 
out  my  pocket  vocabulary  of  opprobious  epithets 
and  called  the  roll. 


It  is  amusing.     In  all  this  time  I  have  never  re- 
dressed a  private  wrong  in  print — have  never  cen- 


Bured  or  ridiculed  a  man  becau*  1  had  a  personal 
grudge  against  him.  It  has  not  been  necessary  : 
my  personal  enemies  are  otherwise  punished, 
Sooner  or  later  they  come  always  to  grief.  John 
S.  Gray,  whom  1  have  hated  for  twelve  years,  stole 
tifty  thousand  dollars.  Mike  de  Young,  who 
started  even  with  with  me  in  journalism,  lives  in  a 
forty-thousand  dollar  house  and  is  respected  by 
Obadiah  Livermore,  who  knows  how  he  got  it.  The 
other  day  I  saw  where  some  heedless  hand  had 
chalked  on  a  dead-wall,    "  W.  H.  L.  Satan." 

One  evening  on  a  lonely  road  in  Marin  county 
I  saw  approaching,  a  man  against  whom  I   had  for 

years  plotted  ineffectual  schemes  of  vengeance  for 
a  personal  affront.  My  opportunity  had  come  ;  I 
drew  my  pistol  and  awaited  him.  Suddenly  he 
paused  as  if  some  invisible  monitor  had  warned 
him  of  his  peril.  He  stood  a  moment  irresolute, 
then  turned  his  face  partially  away,  slightly  bent 
his  neck,  raised  his  right  hand  and — blew  his  nose 
with  his  fingers  !  I  was  avenged — may  he  live  a 
thousand  years  in  the  enjoyment  of  his  no  hand- 
kerchief. 

If  the  malefactor  last  above  mentioned  see  these 
remarks  and  discern  their  application  to  himself 
what  will  he  do  ?  Good  reader,  he  will  build  a  lie 
about  me.  It  will  be  a  staunch,  sea-going  deep- 
water  lie — a  long,  low,  black  schooner  of  a  lie,  with 
raking  masts  and  spreading  a  cloud  of  canvas — 
perhaps  fitted  with  auxiliary  steam  power.  He 
will  complete  it  with  diligence  and  expedition  and 
launch  it  upon  the  ocean  of  conversation  to  cruise 
between  all  the  ear-ports  of  his  little  social  world. 
For  the  pleasure  of  ridiculing  him,  even  without 
mention  of  his  name,  I  shall  incur  the  honest  de- 
testation of  half  a-hundred  men  and  women  whom 
I  do  not  know.  And  it  would  be  quite  the  same 
if  the  person  derided  were  a  notorious  public  mis- 
demeanant. In  short,  the  man  who  makes  it  his 
business  to  pull  skunks  out  of  their  holes  by  the 
hind  legs  must  expect  to  walk  through  this  vale  of 
tears  very  much  alone. 

It  is  all  natural.  When  a  rogue  or  other  fool  is 
attacked  in  print  what  can  he  do.  He  commonly 
has  not  wit  and  lacks  the  opportunity  of  types.  It 
will  hardly  do  to  say,  "  This  rascal  attacks  me  with 
truth  because  he  knows  me  a  rogue  or  fool."  He 
must  find  a  bad  motive,  if  He  lies  for  it.  Mendac- 
ity is  his  trustiest  armor  and  his  readiest  weapon. 
And  so  he  lies.  He  lies  with  due  diligence  and 
commendable  industry.  He  lies  openly  by  day 
and  secretly  by  night.  He  lies  all  the  time.  He 
astonishes  himself  by  the  strength,  splendor  and 
vivacity  of  his  talent.  But  finally  he  executes  an 
example  of  so  matchless  mendacity  that  his  senses 
are  stunned  by  a  thunder-clap  of  self-respect,  and 
he  lives  ever  thereafter  cowering  under  the  terrors 
of  his  own  admiration. 

These  remarks  are  herein  set  down  for  the  en- 
couragement of  the  rising  young  satirist  enamored 
of  the  truth  regardless.  May  they  lubricate  the 
joints  and  energize  the  thews  of  his  red  right  arm, 
making  it  supple,  alert  and  strong  to  battle  for  the 
right  in  a  world  of  wrong.  May  they  cheer  him 
like  the  blessing  of  a  dead  father  and  inspire  his 
soul  as  by  prayer.  And  when  at  the  close  of  a  love- 
less life  he  dies  detested,  may  I  be  there  to  coo 
into  the  spathe  of  his  drooping  ear  the  consoling 
words  "  I  told  you  so." 


I  must  thank  Dr.  Luppo  for  suggesting  these  re- 
marks. In  thinking  of  the  personal  misfortunes 
that  he  will  probably  incur  by  his  heartless  refusal 
to    recognize  Krao   as  the   missing  link,    I    was 


naturally  reminded  of  the  regret&ble  incident  of  my 
denial  that  Theresa  Oortlett  was  a  poet. 


At  Wednesday's  session  of  the  Presbytery  of  San 
Francisco  the  report  of  the  Committee  of  Missions 
t.  and  when  the  statement  was  reached 
that  in  consequence  of  the  work  of  the  Woman's 
Missionary  Board  among  the  Californian  <.'hineae 
the  price  of  female  slaves  had  risen  from  four  hun- 
dred to  one  thousand  dollars  there  was  a  chorus  of 
fervent  aniens.  I  do  not  discern  the  advantage  to 
the  Presbyterian  dealer.  If  he  gets  more  for  his 
goods  he  has  to  pay  more  ;  and  when  a  whole 
consignment  spoils  on  his  hands  his  loss  is  the 
greater.  If  this  is  all  that  has  been  done  for  the 
Chinese  women  by  ladies  of  the  larger  feet  the  work 
might  as  well  be  stopped. 


The  Bulletin  knows  it  all.  Of  the  late  John 
Brown,  the  famous  attendant  on  Queen  Victoria, 
this  omniscient  journal  has  the  goodness  to  re- 
mark : 

The  more  unscrupulous  press  never  ceased  to  note  his 
movements  in  such  a  way  as  to  raiBe  the  question  in  vul- 
gar minds  whether  the  relation  of  servant  to  royalty  was 
always  a  discreet  one.  The  Queen  is  one  of  the  most  ex- 
emplary monarchs  who  ever  occupied  the  throne  of  1 1  sat 
Britain. 

Perhaps  the  Bulletin  will  be  graciously  pleased  to 
say  how  many  exemplary  monarchs  really  hat-f 
occupied  the  throne  of  Great  Britain,  and  who  they 
were.  The  historians  and  journalists  of  every 
reign  have  been  unanimous  in  condemning  the 
profligacy  of  every  sovereign  but  the  reigning  one. 
After  death  comes  damnation,  and  in  the  pitiless 
light  of  history  the  sovereigns  of  Great  Britain  are 
seen  as  the  shabbiest  lot  of  he  and  she  scoundrels 
that  ever  contested  the  moral  supremacy  of  His 
Majesty  John  Satan. 


Did  the  Bullet  in.  ever  hear  of  one  Thackeray,  who 
wrote  of  "  The  Four  Georges  "  ?  He  was  a  terri- 
ble chap.  How  sharply,  how  strongly,  how  cruelly 
he  smote  their  royal  carcasses  with  his  biting  sword  ! 
With  what  splendid  rage  he  assailed  them  and  then- 
dead  worshipers,  male  and  female  !  In  one  sen- 
tence he  breathes  a  consuming  blast  of  scorn  upon 
the  writers  of  their  generations  for  abasing  them- 
selves before  such  scurvy  sovereigns  ;  in  the  next 
he  grovels  abjectly  at  the  feet  of  his  own.  There 
is  not  an  Englishman  who  can  look  with  undazzled 
eyes  upon  '  the  fierce  light  that  beats  upon  a 
throne."  Downward  into  the  gloom  of  royal  graves 
they  see  clearly  enough.  I  don't  say  that  Queen 
Victoria  is  not  a  most  exemplary  woman  ;  I  only 
say  that  she  has  not  imparted  to  Mr.  Fitch  those 
secret  incidents  of  her  private  life  to  which  his  dis- 
cretion so  justly  entitles  him.  Moreover,  sho 
does'nt  know  very  much  about  those  of  Mr.  Fitch. 


That  worthy  local  patriot,  Mr.  Maloney,  who  has 
long  felt  a  just  pride  in  being  called  "  Sconchin," 
is  greatly  displeased  to  learn  that  Mr.  John  S. 
Gray  will  probably  be  known  hereafter  by  the  name 
of  "  AbBConchin." 


Though  Irish  murderers  all  fly 
To  bask  beneath  our  freer  sky, 
The  British  Government  commands 
The  service  of  our  hearts  and  hand?  ; 
For  every  Yankee  mother's  son 
Is  looking  out  for  dumber  One. 


A  terrible  gas  explosion  occurred  the  other  day 
in  the  basement  of  the  Palace  Hotel.  Supervisor 
Fleet  Strother  had  descended  into  that  obscure 
region  and  a  servant  incautiously  approached  him 
with  a  lighted  candle. 


THE    WASP 


TEACHING    THE    YOUNG     IDEA    HOW    TO    SHOOT. 

There  was  a  small  urchin  who  had  a  new  gun — 

Nice  gun  !    New  gun  ! 
He  put  in  two  loads  where  he  should  have  put  one ; 
And  then,  with  a  caution  which  collared  the  bun, 
He  poured  in  two  charges  of  shot — 

Great  Scott  ! 
He  poured  in  two  charges  of  shot  ! 

This  deal*  little  innocent  had  a  kind  pa — 

Good  pa  !    Kind  pa  ! 
Who  scoffed  at  the  fears  of  his  fond  mamma, 
For  papa  had  served  in  the  civil  war, 
And  would  teach  him  to  handle  a  gun. 

What  fun! 
He  would  teach  him  to  handle  a  gun  ! 

Then  seizing  the  weapon  the  lesson  began— 

Poor  man  !     Good  man  ! 
A  target  he  made  of  an  old  oyster  can, 
And  slam  !   bang  ! — the  natives  of  Hindoostan 
Heard  a  sound  like  the  bursting  of  thunder. 

No  wonder. 
They  thought  'twas  the  bursting  of  thunder. 

He  had  smashed  with  a  crash  like  a  dealer  in  stocks- 
Wild  stocks  !    Bad  stocks  ! 
The  pieces  were  scattered  o'er  seventeen  blocks. 
They  packed  his  remains  in  a  patent  match-box, 
For  the  gun  which  young  hopeful  had  loaded 

Exploded  ! 
And  his  parent  was  much  incommoded  ! 
San  Francisco,  March  SO,  1SSS. 


RHYMING     FOLLY. 


A  girl  from  the  city  of  Liecester* 

Had  some  friends  who  were  anxious  to  fiecester. 

She  drank  champagne 

Wibh  might  and  magne 
'Til  her  corset  strings  burst,  which  reliecester  ! 

A  dashing  young  man  from  Milpitas 
Made'  believe  he  was  going  to  tritas. 

We  wiped  off  our  chins, 

He  ordered  six  gins  ; 

But  when  they  were  done 

He  drank  every  one, 
And  smiled  when  he  found  he  had  bitas  ! 


-Btsshi. 


'  I  hope  you  will  pardon  me,  Mr. 
Bysshe,  if  I  say  you're  a  twr. 
Of  words,  and  you've  erred, 
For  as  "Lester"  'tis  heard, 
And  yol'r  way's  no  better  than  Lr. 

You're  in  debt  to  the  Muse,  and  your  cr. 
Is  pressing  ;  so  don't  shake  your  hr. 

But  square  the  acct. 

Or  your  Pegassus  int. 
And  fly  from 

Yocr  Outraged  Er. 


COW  COUNTY  TYPES. 
IT. —A  Shyster. 


Hiram  Cronkite  knew  a  little  of  most  things, 
but  not  much  of  anything.  In  the  course  of  a 
stormy  career  he  had  been  a  traveling  dentist  with 
one  effective  forceps  and  a  nondescript  collection  of 
other  tools,  chiefly  used  for  producing  a  moral 
effect  on  his  patients  when  he  gave  them  a  profes- 
sional rattle  in  a  drawer.  He  had  worked  in  vari- 
ous capacities  on  the  outskirts  of  circus  life,  but 
had  never  risen  very  high  in  *the  profession.  He 
had  learned  to  mis  drinks,  before  and  after  taking, 
with  the  skill  born  of  long  practice,  and  he  could 
shovel  sand  if  it  were  absolutely  necessary,  but  he 
had  only  condescended  to  this  vile  means  of  bread 
on  one  occasion  when  tne  alternative  was  starva- 
tion. Essentially  a  beast  of  prey,  he  despised  all 
work,  and  the  more  useful  the  work  the  more  con- 
temptible, in  his  opinion.  In  an  evil  hour  for  the 
community  he  joined  a  debating  society  in  which 
he  learned  to  think  on  his  legs  and  give  words  to 
his  thoughts.  The  transition  to  the  lawyer  stage 
of  existence  was  easy.  He  transferred  himself  to 
the  village  of  Pumpkinston,  where  his  previous 
general  utility  record  was  not  known,  and  with  his 
name  on  a  shingle,  an  odd  volume  of  the  Codes, 
and  a  dozen  agriculural  reports  for  a  library  and  a 
stove  pipe  hat  for  moral  effect,  he  made  hia  entry  in 


the  character  of  an  attorney-at-law  invested  with 
the  right  of  practicing  before  Justices  of  the  Peace. 

One  of  his  clients  was  on  trial  one  scorching  day 
before  Squire  Treat  of  Pumpkinston,  for  robbing  a 
hen  roost.  The  District  Attorney  had  assigned  the 
case  to  a  charming  young  deputy  who  might  have 
been  grown  in  a  flower  pot,  he  was  so  trim  and 
smelled  so  sweet.  The  room  was  small  and  close 
and  the  lawyers  sat  at  a  amall  table  with  the 
alleged  chicken  thief  between  them.  He  was  a 
ragged,  half-plucked,  moss-grown  tramp  who  looked 
as  if  he  had  been  recently  touzled  by  a  bull-dog. 
Two  Or  three  times  during  the  trial  Cronkite  con- 
trived to  push  his  client  against  the  attorney  for 
the  people,  and  the  tramp  when  crushed  exhaled  a 
deafening  odor.  The  young  attorney  sniffed  and 
snorted  and  looked  savage  enough  to  "  bu'st  "  the 
rich,  flaky  crust  of  his  malodorous  neighbor. 
Finally  he  could  stand  it  no  longer,  and  just  as 
Cronkite  was  about  to  begin  his  address  to  the  jury, 
he  said  :  "  Please  have  your  client  move  a  little 
further  down.  The  odor  is  something  frightful. 
I  don't  care  to  be  hugged  by  a  mixture  of  mud-pie 
and  a  swill  barrel. "  Cronite  had  not  the  shadow 
of  a  caae  but  he  had  got  what  he  wanted.  Turning 
toward  the  deputy  with  a  contemptuous  look  and 
shaking  his  finger  at  him  with  dramatic  effect  to 
point  his  coming  remarks  he  said  :  "  There,  gen- 
tlemen of  the  jury,  there  !  The  aristocratic  Dis- 
trict Attorney  turns  up  his  nose  at  my  client  be- 
cause he  earns  his  bread  by  the  sweat  of  his  brow  ; 
one  of  that  glorious  band  of  workers — all  honor  to 
them  ! — who  have  built  up  this  country  into  the 
greatest  nation  on  the  face  of  the  globe.  Who  is 
he— this  sweet-scented  pup — to  come  down  here 
and  put  on  city  airs  and  pretend  he  is  made  of  a 
different  kind  of  clay  from  us  plain  country  folks  ? 
I  will  tell  you  gentlemen.  He  is  a  servant — your 
servant  and  my  servant  and  the  servant  of  my  poor 
poor  client.  You,  gentlemen,  know  that  a  man 
who  works  with  his  hands  cant  always  be  as  nice 
in  his  person  as  a  man  who  earns  a  fat  salary  by 
doing  nothing.  How  dare  he  stop  his  nose  at  my 
client  ?  "  and  he  again  shook  an  expressive  finger 
at  the  opposing  counsel  who  had  applied  a  scented 
hankerchief  to  his  nose.  This  was  the  burthen  of 
his  address  and  he  won  his  case  without  any  trouble. 

Coon  Dowdy,  who  was  one  of  the  jury,  remarked 
afterwards  to  a  congenial  circle  collected  in  front 
of  Ned  Tucker's  bar  :  "  We  didn't  want  no  triflin' 
young  sucker  from  the  city  puttin'  on  dog  round 
thar1.  Fur  an  insignificant  little  upstart  like  that 
to  go  to  work  an'  undertake  to  set  up  fur  an  aristo- 
crat over  folks — 'twan't  well — 'twan't  reasonable. 
Here's  luck  !  "  Autolycus. 


MOANS    FROM    THE    SEPULCHER. 
By  Various  Gloomorists. 

If  you  should  happen  to  want  your  ears  pierced, 
just  pinch  the  baby. 

It  is  said  that  "  two  hundred  years  ago  the  Indi- 
ans indulged  in  Turkish  baths."  "  Yes,  it  must 
have  been  all  of  two  hundred  years  ago.  To  judge 
from  the  one  we  saw  last,  it  might  have  been  a 
thousand  years  ago. 


"  Oh  !  why  art  thou  not  near  me,  Oh  !  my 
love  1  "  sang  a  serenader  in  Glasgow,  the  other 
night ;  and  yet  when  the  girl,  who  was  leaning  too 
far  out  of  the  window,  lost  her  balance  and  dropped 
right  on  him,  the  fellow  acted  as  confused  as  could 
be.      Some  men  cannot  stand  success. 


A  Philadelphia  man  went  to  Niagara  Falls,  and 
on  arriving  at  the  d6pot  asked  a  hackman  what  he 
would  charge  to  take  him  to  the  river  bank.  After 
hearing  the  rates  he  took  a  return  train  and  will 
continue  around  the  world  until  he  lands  on  the 
Canadian  side. 


Speaking  about  fire  escapes,  none  of  the  editors 
seems  to  have  thought  about  heaven. 


Hoylesays  :  "  Never  trump  your  partner's  ace. " 
We  never  do.  Our  luck  is  never  to  have  a  trump, 
and  our  partner's  luck  is  never  to  have  an  ace. 


A  minister  laboring  in  the  mountain  districts  of 
Fayette  county,  West  Virginia,  .gives  the  following 
conversation  he  had  with  a  woman  there  recently  : 
"  Is  your  husband  at  home  ?  "  "  No  ;  he  is  coon- 
hunting.  He  killed  two  whopping  big  ones  last 
Sunday."     "  Does  he  fear  the  Lord  1  "     "I  guess 


he  does,  'cause  he  always  takes  his  gun  with  him." 
"  Have  you  any  Presbyterians  round  here."  "  I 
don't  know  if  he  has  killed  any  or  not.  You  can 
go  behind  the  house  and  look  at  the  pile  of  hides  to 
see  if  you  can  find  any  of  their  skins." 


Husband  (2  a.  m.,  after  a  curtain  lecture). — 
"  Well,  all  I've  got  to  say  is,  if  you  are  a  person  of 
such  refinement  and  good  breeding,  you  ought  to 
be  above  talking  to  a  drunkpn  fellow  at  this  time 
of  the  night." 

A  big  black  bear  at  the  Black  Hills  found  and 
ate  a  bushel  of  salt  with  great  gusto.  An  hour  later 
he  was  seen  on  the  bank  of  a  creek,  assiduously 
drinking,  and  occasionally  raising  his  head  to  look 
up  stream  and  see  if  the  supply  of  water  was  likely 
to  hold  out. 


Wages  that  are  never  reduced — the  wages  of  sin. 

Herein  ditfereth  ye  damsel  from  ye  potato  :    she 
masheth  the  more  readily  when  raw. 


It  has  just  been  discovered  that  if  a  cow's  hind 
legs  are  tied  together  she  cannot  kick.  Consider- 
ing the  antiquity  of  cows,  it  is  a  rare  tribute  to  the 
inventive  faculty  of  the  aggregate  dairyman  that 
this  problem  has  been  solved  thus  early  in  the 
Christian  era. 


"  Here  I've  been  talking  for  half  an  hour,"  ex- 
claimed an  auctioneer,  "  and  I  haven't  got  an  of- 
fer." "Half  an  hour  indeed,!''  demured  an 
elderly  maiden,  "what's  half  an  hour  to  many 
long  years,  and  still  no  hope  of  an  offer. 


Things  are  coming  to  a  pretty  pass  in  Kentucky 
when  a  preacher  has  his  salary  docked  for  time  lost 
on  a  trip  to  fight  a  duel  in  a  distant  part  of  the  State. 


Hast  thou  no  feeling 
To  see  me  kneeling. 
My  love  revealing, 
Day  after  day? 

SPE. 

Yes,  I  have  a  feeling 
To  see  you  kneeling, 
Your  bald  head  revealing. 
Take  it  away. 


Under  a  microscope  a  hair  has  rough  edges  like 
a  rasp.  No  wonder,  then,  that  a  young  man's 
moustache  often  tickles  a  girl's  nose. 

When  Bernhardt:s  husband  made  up  his  mind  to 
quit  her  and  go  back  to  the  army,  she  bade  him 
good-by,  kindly,  and  said  : 

"  Dammy,  I  wish  you  all  success  in  the  career  to 
which  you  return." 

"  No  fear  on  that  account,  Sara.  I  have  learned 
more  about  war  in  the  last  twelve  months  than  I 
ever  knew  before." 


A  Texan  justice  of  the  peace,  who  is  constantly 
trying  criminal  caBes,  was  called  on  to  marry  a 
couple.  After  he  bad  asked  the  usual  question  if 
they  desired  to  be  united  in  the  bonds  of  matri- 
mony, and  they  had  replied  in  the  affirmative,  the 
justice  then  asked  them  solemnly  : 

"Having  pleaded  guilty  to  the  charge,  if  there  are, 
in  your  opinion,  any  mitigating  cireumstances,  now 
is  the  time  to  state  what  they  are." 


The  Hon.  David  Davis,  experiences  some  morti- 
fication that  men  who  lack  his  physical  proportions 
ard  not  exposed  to.  When  he  went  to  the  office  of 
the  steamship  company,  after  his  marriage,  to  pur- 
chase a  ticket  to  Charleston,  the  clerk  glanced  at 
him  hurriedly  and  remarked  as  he  resumed  his 
work  :  "  Applications  for  freight  are  received  next 
door. " 


"  Yes,"  he  said,  "I'll  certainly  have  the  plumber 
come  to  the  house  to-day.  Not  that  there's  any 
trouble  with  the  drainage,  but  our  cook  is  sort  of 
discontented,  and  we  don't  want  her  to  leave  ;  and 
may  be  being  courted  for  four  hours  will  make  her 
less  restless. " 

Some  men  are  ever  ready  to  offer  a  remedy  for 
everything.  The  other  day  we  remarked  to  one  of 
those  animated  apothecary  shops  :  "An  idea 
struck  us  yesterday" — and  before  we  could  finish 
he  advised  us  :  "  Rub  the  affected  part  with 
arnica  I  " 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  ami  well  known  house  of  J.    W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
irtr.iiinv._--l  to  the  corner  of   Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
Frit-fi'l-  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


LYDIA  E.  PINK  HAM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 


It-nPr 


For  nil  thoae  Painful  Complulntn  and  Weaknesses 
no  canunoa  to  our  bet  female  population. 

A  Medicine  for  Woman.    Invr'nteil  by  a  Woman. 
Prepared  l.y  a  Woman. 

The  GrratMt  StalltiU  Dln-avcry  Slnrc  tho  Duwn  of  History. 

tSTt  revives  tho  drooping  spirits,  invigorates  and 
harmonizes  tho  organic  f  unctions,  gives  elasticity  and 
firmness  to  the  step,  restores  the  natural  lustre  to  the 
eye,  and  iilmta  on  the  pale  cheek  of  woman  the  fresh 
roses  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
£rT"Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe  It  Freely  =359 

It  removes  faintness,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 
tor  stimulant,  and  relieves  weakness  of  the  stomach. 

That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  its  use. 

For  the  enrc  of  Kidney  Complaints  of  either  sex 

this  Compound  I-  unsurpassed. 


But  a  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  233  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  S_L  Six  bottles  for  §5.  Sent  by  mm'l  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  £l  per  bos 
for  cither.  Mrs.  Pinkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
inquiry.  Enclose  3ct.  stamp.  Send  for  pamphlet- 
No  family  should  he  without  LTDIA  E.  PIVKHAM'S 
IJVER.  PILLS.  Thev  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  box. 

03- Sold  by  all  DrugsrisU.^Srft         0) 


&5T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physicnl  Debility.  Vital  V-\- 
liaustion,  Weakness.  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  ot"  ,il  .used  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.   D.    SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 


KIDNEY- WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 


KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a  victim  P  THEN  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney-Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
I  Off  JAG  For  complaints  peculiar 
kaUICdn  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

Either  Sex.  Incontinence,  retention  of  urine, 
brick  dust  or  ropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power, 
13-    SOLD  BY  AT.T.  DRUGGISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDNEY- WORT  t 


dJ"7Q  A  WEEK.     $1*2  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Out0t 
U)  I  i  free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 

GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

«^TRY  PFUNDER'S 


DR. THOMAS  HALL'S 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  ijiv'n?  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomich,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equM;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beni-flcial  in  its  results;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medienl  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

£3TForsale  everywhere  thrmughout'the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GA  PES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


Cures  all  pains:  nice  to  use: 


m 


In  nin 


FOR 
Asthma,  Congluij 

Cold*.  Croup, 
iiiK-iizu,  Broaenltln, 

<  jilni-rli.    Whooping 

l  of  Voice.  Iim -ipit-iK  <  uiiMiiiiitllou,  11ml  n 
Throat   and   Luug  Trouble*. 

out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 


effectually  and  permanently  eradicate  the  severest  form 
of  INFLUENZA,  COLD  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Loss  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOR    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

AND   take    mi    other.       Price,  50   Cents. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co..  Druggists, Prop'rs. 

417  San  sonic  Street,  tor.  Commercial,  S.  1 . 


CONNECTICUT 


Fire  Insuranc: 

of  Hartford. 


Co., 


UIIOUES  A  CO.,  !►  1 11  — i-.fi-.  Sau  .lose,  California. 


DEALERS    IN"    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


^CC  -l  wee^  'n  vour  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
Q)00  dress  H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


Scotch,  Union,  and  National 

•   Insurance   Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 


HtGAN  A   lIAMIi:ni.  MKIiilMI.il  .1  DAWES, 

City  AgCIlt.s,  <.cnrr;il  AgeillH, 

401  California  Street,  ■:::  Sansome  street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  R.  Mactarlake. 


Geo.  W.  MaofARLANB. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

I  IKK-I'ItOOI      KIIIIUM.  52     Hills      STREET, 

Honolulu.  Hawaiian  Islands. 

C'X-Wb  *'°r  a  SQUARE  or  UPRICHT 
T"i'u  ROSEWOOD  7!  Orr  PIANO, 

ivitn  Stool,  BooeAc. 
SI  96 '"'BABY  UP- 
RIGHT 7  Oct.  Piano. 

4k<  Hi  for  an  18 

*W'*s"Slnp  Organ. 
CHAPEL  OltPAN.  $70. 
All  warranted.    Dick- 
inson &  Co.,  19  West 
lltu  St  N.Y. 


220 
222 


BUSH     •BT^-EZET 


224 
226 


•xU* 


ORNIA     FURa;/ 


TUo 


The    Largest    Stock— The    Latest    Styles, 

CALL    AND    SEE   BEFORE   PURCHASING  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN   WITH    PLEASURE. 


^MOTURINQ    00*A? 


^ 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Sick    Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 

PURIFIER!    See   Local. 


10 


/ 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS- BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  flSTThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  $4. 
Meals,  25  cents,  8W  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand 


(COLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr. 
■  Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacn 
/  mento.      Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS*    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
-the  stomach. .  8&  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co. ,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co. ,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 

GOGINGS1  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  S£T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cuke  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  C«.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
£3TOne  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
8  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  SW  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Weddingand  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  {north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO,. 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  Whites 
•  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
K3T  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     £3TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
.Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  &5T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
$<»  to  $12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  $1  to  $2.50.  Meals, 
2&  cents.  Fz'ee  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

mHE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
■  J  Btreet,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
^  Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  £3TThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price" — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

f"M.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in' Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


':'«'   HEMRY    TIEfJEN.     ",v\".  ' 
jjfejj&JNRY  AHRENS.H*^.   TRKBORStEL. 


:J480i-l434-'- 


m//  tJrvfpi&M  '& 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     43"  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  S5  to  86.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  $3T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  X3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail,  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nqs.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  (jourts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ifSTPrin- 
cipal  office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  $500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  a^THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 

A        BOON         TO        WOMEN! 

PAINLESS     <  IIH.IH'.IIMH  :  SECOND     EDITION. 

Giving  COMPLETE  INSTRUCTIONS  how  the  pains, 
perils,  difficulties  and  dangers  of  childbirth  can  be  avoided. 
Enlarged  to  3  pages  by  the  addition  of  a  chapter  on 
"  Diseases  of  Women,"  with  complete  directions,  pre- 
scriptions, etc.,  for  home  management  in  plain  language. 
A  SAFE  GUIDE  for  the  sex.  Every  lady  should  have  a 
copy.  Prepaid,  SI. 50.  Agents  wanted.  Exclusive  terri- 
tory.   Address  the  author,  Dr.  J.  H.  DYE,  Buffalo,  N.  Y. 

Send    for    the    tl  HEALTH    HELPER  '' 


FREE. 


Buffalo,  N. 


t  per 
.  Y. 


SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  §1  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

Ayers  &  Son's  Manual  gives  just  the  information 
needed  to  make  a  judicious  selection  of  papers  for  any 
newspaper  advertising.  It  contains  also  many  very  ad- 
vantageous special  offers.  Sent  on  receipt  of  ten  cents. 
Address  N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son,  Advertising  Agents,  Tim 
Building,  Philadelphia. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  (>.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


NewSthes:  Gold  Jjevelett  Edge  ana 
Chroma  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality* 
largest  variety  and  Ion  est  prices,  50 

chromos  with  name.  10c,  a  present 

with  each  order.  Clinton  Uitos.A.  Gu.,CUntonville,Conn« 


CARDS 


STRICTLY 

Harmless  to  the 


PURE. 

Most   Delicate. 


&£* 


'Cl 


<Thls  Eograrlog 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 

Ooaafhs,  Colds, 

Croup. 

And  Other  Throat  anil    Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody"  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it    has  No   Equal. 

FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEBIGTNE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    k    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 

flJE    4-ffc    flJOfl'P61'"  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 
Q)0    IU   Q)XU  Address  Stisbos  &Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


THE    WASP. 


ll 


LITERATURE. 


'  >ne  hundred  and  twenty-four  eminent  men  en- 
gaged in  intelectual  pursuits  have  communicated 
to  Mr.  A.  Arthur  Ileade  some  account  of  their 
habits  regarding  the  use  of  liquors,  wines  and 
tobicco,  and  he  ha9  put  it  all  in  a  book  for  the 
guidance  of  others.  The  net  result  of  this  experi- 
ence meeting  is  that  some  use  these  things  and 
some  don't.  Making  no  allowance  for  lying,  it 
still  appears  that  most  great  men  drink  and  smoke. 
We  Jo  ourselves. 

The  ambitious  author  of  "  The  Alternative  "  de- 
clares his  intention  in  "  laying  b.ire  the  abjectness 
ami  wretchedness  "  of  Man's  condition.  It  is  "  to 
Btiran  insurrection  against  the  Infernal  in  Nature." 
Sorry  we  can't  join  the  rebellion,  but  the  fact  is  we 
are  on  the  other  sid<\ 

The  New  York  Suns  bookworm  has  published  his 
criticisms  of  authors,  in  covers,  under  the  title  of 
"  Chats  about  Books,  Poets  and  Novelists."  They 
are  pretty  good,  some  of  them  —at  least  they  were 
good  iu  the  Sun— but  the  whole  contingent  of 
"  chatterers  "  ought  to  be  disbanded.     They  afflict. 

The  forthcoming  biography  of  Bryant,  by  Mr. 
Parke  Godwin,  will  contain  th«  followiug  hitherto 
unpublished  poem  by  the  author  of  "  Thanatopsia,;' 
and  the  literary  quid  mines  are  already  trying  to 
figure  out  who  the  lady  was.  The  hypothesis  that 
she  was  the  poet's  grandmother  does  not  appear  to 
find  that  favor  to  which  its  inherent  probability 
entitles  it. 

I  knew  thee  fair— I  deemed  thee  free 
From  fraud  and  guile  and  faithless  art ; 

Yet  had  I  seen  as  now  I  see, 
Thine  image  ne'er  had  stained  my  heart. 

Trust  not  too  far  thy  beauty's  charms  ; 

Though  fair  the  hand  that  wove  my  chain, 
I  will  not  st  »op  with  fettered  arms, 

To  do  the  homage  I  disdain. 

Yes,  Love  has  lost  his  power  to  wound, 

I  gave  the  treacherous  homicide, 
With  how  unstrung  and  pinions  bound, 

A  captive  to  the  hands  of  Pride. 

Mr.  Alfred  Bourgeault  has  written  a  book  to 
prove  that  Jean  Jacques  Rousaeau  was  insane.  It 
is  at  least  certain  that  many  of  his  admirers  are. 

Dr.  Irwnus  P.  Davis  has  published  a  book  of 
"  Hygiene  for  Girls,"  but  most  of  the  girls  who 
have  the  advantage  of  our  acquaintance  prefer 
spruce  gum. 

The  mental  attitude  of  the  modern  poet  recalls 
the  reply  of  a  despondent  university  professor. 
Two  of  this  kind  were  drinking  coffee  sympathetic- 
ally together  in  a  corner.  "What  a  world  this 
would  be,"  said  one,  "  without  coffee  !  "  "  Yes," 
replied  the  other,  stirring  the  fragrant  cup  de- 
jectedly ;  "  yes,  and  what  a  H.  of  a  world  it  is 
with  coffee  !  " 

The  arrival  of  the  remains  of  John  Howard  Payne 
in  this  country  has  set  all  tongues  babbling  about 
"  Home,  Sweet  Home,"  the  sole  work  by  which  he 
became  famous.  As  poetry  it  is  beneath  criticism; 
its  popularity  is  altogether  due  to  the  music  to 
which  it  was  set  by  Jerome  Hopkins — who  did  not 
compose  it,  however.  It  is  an  old  Calabrian  peas- 
ant song  which  has  existed  for  centuries  in  Sicily. 
Ought  we  not  to  "  bring  home  "  the  remains  of  two 
or  three  generations  of  Calabrian  peasants  and 
make  a  show  of  them  1 

Mr.  Henry  Edward's  new  book  "  A  Mingled 
Yarn  "  contains  many  of  his  contributions  to  the 
Bohemian  Club  "High  Jinks."  The  fellows  at 
the  Club  are  very  proud  of  this  circumstance,  most 
of  them  believing  that  they  are  somehow  honorably 
connected  with  literature  through  the  drinks  they 
were  accustomed  to  take  with  Harry. 


OUR     BITTER      HALVES, 

A  fellow  at  Melbourne  wrote  his  girl  fifteen  let- 
ters a  day  for  five  weeks.  In  the  end  he  was  killed 
by  a  green  tomato. 


At  a  recent  wedding  in  Richmond,  the  bride  ate 
so  much  terrapin  soup  that  the  wedding  tour  had 
to  be  abandoned. 


A  fashion  paper  says  that  striped  parasols  have 
taken  the  place  of  striped  stockings.  It's  a  very 
strange  place  to  wear  them. 


At  a  recent  divorce  trial  the    wife   was   asked  a 


question  to  which  she  made  the  following  reply  : 
When  I  was  tirst  married  I  was  so  jealous  of  my 
husband  that  1  thought  every  woman  [saw  wanted 
him,  and  now  I  wonder  how  I  could  ever  have 
been  such  a  fool  as  to  want  him   myself." 

The  original  manuscript  of  "  Home,  Sweet 
Home  "  is  now  in  the  possession  of  an  elderly 
maiden  lady  of  Athens,  Ga  Publishers  of  illus- 
trated newspapers  have  made  great  efforts  to  secure 
her  permission  to  have  the  precious  manuscript 
photographed  for  the  benefit  of  the  world,  but  she 
has  refused  the  most  liberal  offers  because  the  his- 
toric verses  are  interlined  with  sundry  tender  ex- 
pressions of  endearment,  the  lady  who  treasures 
them  so  sacredly  having  been  affianced  to  their 
author. 

Atlanta  has  a  female  barber  whose  sign  faceti- 
ously reads  : 

Man  wants  but  little  hair  below, 
Nor  wants  that  little  long. 

An  American  paper  objects  to  Mrs.  Langtry  be- 
cause her  feet  are  of  the  ' '  familiar  English  mould. " 
Well,  we  have  seen  several  American  actresses  out 
here  whose  feet  might  have  been  run  out  in  a 
fender  mould,  if  there  were  such  a  thing.  One  in 
particular  we  know,  whose  feet  were  of  such  a  sort 
that  she  couldn't  turn  the  cornet  of  a  lane  without 
first  backing  into  the  street.  And  when  we  made 
a  casual  mention  of  this  fact,  she  haughtily  in- 
formed us  that  we  had  "  gone  beyond  the  pale  of 
dramatic  criticism."  On  the  whole,  we  prefer  the 
"  familiar  English  mould. " — Sydney  Bulletin. 


A  short  time  ago  the  daughter  of  an  English  gen- 
tleman at  a  school  in  Paris  wrote  a  letter  to  the 
Czar,  expressing  her  sympathy  with  him,  and 
telling  him  that  she  nightly  prayed  that  he  might 
not  meet  the  fate  of  his  father.  She  addressed  her 
letter,  "  The  Emperor  of  Russia,"  and  put  it  in  the 
post.  Some  time  afterwards  the  Grand  Duke 
Nicholas  called  at  the  school,  brought  her  various 
presents  from  the  Emperor  and  took  her  out  for  a 
drive. 


The  most  eccentric  old  woman  of  the  age  may  be 
found  among  the  worshippers  of  one  of  the  Sydney 
Cathedrals.  Apart  from  the  fact  that,  throughout 
the  era  of  pull-backs,  the  old  lady  has  held  fast  to 
the  wide-expanding  crinoline,  she  has  been  in  the 
habit  for  years  of  wearing  at  one  time  every 
dress  she  possesses.  In  addition  to  this,  she  carries 
with  her  to  service,  or  wherever  she  goes,  her  cup 
and  saucer,  milk  jug  and  sugar  pot,  smoothing  iron, 
frying-pan,  and  clothes-line — all  dexterously  hid- 
den away  in  that  mysterious  and  accommodating 
crinoline.  It  has  been  sarcastically  stated  that  she 
also  carries  a  donkey  sofa  there.  As  she  moves 
into  churcli  she  rattles  like  a  hailstorm  on  the  roof 
of  a  mining  township. 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


A  Philadelphia  girl  was  so  thoughtless  as  to  tell  a 
friend  that  at  her  wedding  the  names  of  the  donors 
would  not  be  displayed  with  the  presents.  Of 
course  the  friend  told.  Her  wedding  came  off  the 
other  day,  and  the  presents  were  not  displayed 
either.  They  consisted  of  732  plated  sugar  spoons 
and  1,380  salt-cellars. 


A  Scotch  minister,  forgetting  his  spectacles, 
could  not  read  the  hymn,  so  he  said  :  "  My  eyes 
are  dim;  I  cannot  see."  The  precentor  immedi- 
ately sang,  "  My  eyes  are  deem  ;  I  caw-noot  see." 
The  minister  explained  :  "I  spoke  of  my  infirm- 
ity. "  This  was  sung  as  the  second  line.  The  min- 
ister pleaded  :  "I  merely  said  my  eyes  were  dim." 
These  words  were  sung,  and  he  sat  down,  saying  : 
"  I  did  not  mean  to  sing  a  hymn."  When  this  line 
was  sung  the  services  closed. 


He  rushed  in  the  parlor  without  ringing  the  door- 
bell and  discovered  a  light  figure  sitting  on  the  sofa 
in  the  corner.  He  suddenly  exclaimed  :  "  By  Jove, 
dear  Nell,  I  thought  I  never  would  find  you  alone 
again.  Your  mother  has  gone  a-visiting,  hasn't 
she  ?  "  "  Yes,"  responded  the  light  figure,  "  Nel- 
lie goes  visiting  so  much  I  am  often  alone."  The 
young  man  remarked  the  next  day— but_  it  is  not 
important  what  he  remarked  ;  just  think  what 
you  would  say  yourself. 

Never  kick  %  man  who  is  going  down  hill ;  it  is 
unnecessary.  The  proper  time  to  kick  him  is  when 
he  shows  symptoms  of  stopping. 


Tin-  announcement  of  the  performance  of  Our  /; 
roused  many  recollections  ;  Mat   Luighao 
markableinthepartof*'  Fioretti"  ;  and  Joe  Polka  "GiUy- 
pod";A.  D.  Bradley's  "Col  Elevator";  BleanorCa 

the  rest  of  that  exceptionally  fine  coat     01    thosi     | 

"  Mat  "  bail  since  gone  t..  his  final  rest  ;  and  dear  "  <  >ld 
Bra  1  "  Lb  at  present  very  sick  ;  so  Bick   that  it 
doubtful   whether  he   will  erer   again    res]    I 
plaudits  of  an  audience.    The   very  house  wherein  the 
play  was  born  has  aged  and   worn  with  the  mutations  of 
fortune    and    ownership,    until   it    Bhowa   the   Bcare  ami 
wrinkles  of  premature  decay.     The  recent  performance  ol 
that  once  popular  sketch  of  life  in  an  American  boarding 
house,  although  in  the  hands  of  its  author  and   under  his 
immediate  supervision,   fulls  very  short  of    the  former 
representations,     Our  Boarding  Sou*  is  one   of  the  few 
distinctively  American   characterizations,  and,  though    a 
broad  caricature  of  domestic  events,  would  he   bait  repre- 
sented by  American  actors,  or  at  least  by  such  players  whf  i 
have  had  the  opportunity  to  study    American  "  notions." 

And  this  brings  to  mind  the  remarkably  small  number 
of  American  actors,  in  proportion  to  the  large  amount  of 
amusements  and  to  the  number  engaged  in  them.  Every 
English  and  un-English  country,  from  ECalakaua'a  King- 
dom and  China  to  Russia  and  Jerusalem,  lias  a  propor- 
tionately Btronger  representation  upon  the  atage  than 
America.  And  while  it  is  true  that  the  American 
amateur  and  dillctantt  occurs  with  exasparating  fre- 
quency, infesting  every  habitable  spot  upon  this  con- 
tinent, yet  the  professional  actor  is  but  rarely  a  native, 
"  tothemannerborn."  It  is  not  usual  for  the  "  profession  ' 
to  recruit  its  disciples  from  the  ranks  of  the  amateurs  ; 
dilletanti  as  a  class  rarely  attain  to  a  professional  reputa- 
tion until  after  they  have  lost  every  other  ;  Americans 
therefore  need  not  f«el  particularly  vexed  because  of  their 
slim  quota  of  representatives  upon  the  stage,  especially 
when  the  average  quality  of  those  who  are  engaged  in  that 
pursuit  is  taken  into  consideration. 

The  Harrisons  have  introduced  some  changes  iu  their 
performance,  which  add  the  charm  of  novelty  to  their 
bright  entertainment.  Their  performance  is  a  constant 
burlesque  of  many  well-known  characters  and  is  made 
exceedingly  interesting  by  their  skill  in  provoking  remini- 
scences of  people  whose  manners  and  peculiarities  they 
reproduce  or  exaggerate. 

The  Vokes  Family  assumed  the  thin  disguise  of  another 
title,  but  are  otherwise  easily  recognized  in  Fan  in  a  Fog, 
They  promise  a  real  change  next  week  announced  as  Too 
Truly  fiuraf. 

At  the  Minstrels,  for  the  completion  of  the  electric 
circuit,  Reed  and  Emerson  have  taken  the  "  ends  ",  and  as 
a  consequence  the  manifestations  of  convulsive  hilarity  are 
continuous. 

The  German  performance  last  week  made  one  regret 
that  their  season  is  drawing  to  a  close.  Mme.  Gen^e,  in 
celebration  of  the  loth  anniversary  of  her  management  in 
this  city,  has  been  tendered  a  complimentary  benefit 
which  takes  place  to-morrow  evening.  CTp  in  that  occa- 
sion will  be  presented  Moser's  excellent  comedy  Daa 
Sti/tungsfest,  preceded  by  the  one-act  farce  Madame 
Ffott,  the  title  role  sustained  by  Mme  Genee.  Mr. 
Kadelburg,  the  talented  leading-man  of  the  German  Com- 
pany, announces  Der  Veilchenfreseer  for  his  benefit,  follow- 
ing which  Mme.  Cotrelly  will  make  herrentrie. 

At  the  Tivoli,  Manola  is  very  well  performed  and 
fairly  well  attended.  The  enterprise  of  the  management 
of  that  resort  is  both  praiseworthy  and  remarkable.  Then- 
changes  of  programme  are  so  rapid  and  their  performances, 
even  on  first  nights,  so  satisfactory  that  many  a  more 
pretentious  place  might  profit  by  imitating  their  example. 
They  announce  Stradelta  for  next  week. 

The  Winter  Garden,  manages  to  keep  its  doors  open, 
despite -Hip,  Saratoga,  The  long  Strike  and  like  misfor- 
tunes. 

We  respectfully  call  the  attention  of  the  Police  and 
Fire  Departments  to  a  place  of  public  resort  on  Market 
street  between  Third  and  Fourth  which,  because  of  the 
narrowness  of  its  only  exit,  would  be  a  veritable  crematory 
in  case  of  fire.     


poet_"  But,  my  dear  sir,  it  is  now  four  years  since  yon 
accepted  my  epic  and  no  steps  have  yet  been  taken  to 
publish  it." 

Publisher—"  Don't  be  in  a  hurry,  young  man.  Homer 
had  to  wait  more  than  th  ee  thousand  years  before  he  got 
into  print,  and  you  will  hardly  claim  that  your  poem  is  an 
Iliad." 


12 


THE     WASP. 


CANDID     MR.     BROWN. 


An  Oakland  young  woman  of  temper  romantic 
(Of  whom  it  was  said  she  was  like  the  Atlantic 
Inasmuch  as  she  never  was  known  to  "  dry  up") 
By  Brown  was  invited  one  evening  to  sup. 
Now  Brown  was  slow-going  and  very  methodical, 
While  she  was  expansive  and  rather  rhapsodical. 

"  Ah  yes  !  Mr.  Brown,  you  young  men  are  deceivers, 
You  win  us  poor  girls  and  then  cruelly  leave  us. 
And  your  lightly-breathed  vows  of  undying  devotion 
Are  as  worthless  as  froth  on  the  brow  of  the  ocean  ! 
Now,  really,  do  \ou  in  earnestness  ever 
Make  speeches  to  ladies  in  which  you  endeavor 
To  banish  distrustfulness,  leave  off  deceiving 
And  convince  a  poor  girl  she  is  safe  in  believing  ?*' 
To  which  replied  Brown  :  ' '  I  should  snicker  to  utter— 
For  instance,  whenever  I  say  '  Pass  the  butter  ! '  " 

Bysshe. 

San  Francisco,  April  1,  1SSS. 


PICK. 

They  have  a  sentimental  young  man  on  the  Call 
who  every  few  days  turns  the  damper  off,  and 
gushes  sweetly  and  profusely.  Time  was  when 
Mr,  Pickering  would  not  stand  any  of  this  non- 
sense, but  since  the  old  gentleman  has  entered 
upon  his  Indian  summer,  he  is  partial  to  sentiment. 
But  let  no  man  say  that  Mr.  Pickering  does  not 
know  how  to  run  a  newspaper.  Let  no  smart 
Alec  in  the  pride  of  his  heart  believe  that  he  could 
go  into  the  Call's  pilot  house,  and  steer  a  straighter 
financial  course.  Perhaps  Alexander  would  have 
it  brighter  with  strong  and  intelligent  editorials,  and 
local  news  written  up  gracefully,  with  an  occasional 
classical  allusion,  now  and  then.  Not  so  Mr.  Pick- 
ering. That  wily  old  journalist  condor  knows  too 
much  for  that.  What  do  they  care  for  classical 
allusions,  south  of  Market  street,  or  for  sledge 
hammer  opinions  ?  They  like  their  newspaper 
plain  and  easy,  with  small  words,  every  day  words 
and  every  day  ideas.  They  don't  keep  dictionaries 
in  their  houses  ;  they  have  no  time  to  follow  high 
editorial  nights.  Now  Mr.  Pickering  has  felt  the 
pulse  of  the  mob,  and  recorded  every  beat.  There- 
fore it  is  that  the  Call  is  loaded  down  with  small 
advertisements,  and  that  good  old  man  is  piling  up 
a  bank  account  on  which  his  many  heirs  can  have 
a  deuce  of  a  good  time. 


Tnat  not  very  well  informed  journal,  Harper  $ 
Bazar,  explains  that  Christmas  is  the  anniversary 
of  Christ's  humiliation.  We  suppose  he  felt  humili- 
ated to  reflect  that  in  his  comprehensive  scheme  of 
atonement  he  was  unable  to  make  an  exception  in 
the  case  of  the  bustle-and-corset  editor  of  Harper1* 
Bazar. 


Tiic  Superintendent  of  the  North  Pacific  Coast 
Railroad,  Mr.  David  Nye,  met  with  a  curious  ad- 
venture last  week."  Mr.  Nye,  before  accepting  his 
present  position  was  superintending  the  single  stage 
that  ran  from  Point  San  Quentin  to  San  Rafael 
and  is  a  gentleman  who  feels  his  oats — a  proud, 
dignified,  ancient,  tobacco-consuming  American. 
Well,  as  Mr.  Nye  was  pacing  the  deck  of  the 
steamer  Petaluma,  he  was  accosted  by  an  old,  seedy 
looking  person,  who  asked  him  in  a  pathetic  tone 
for  a  pass  to  San  Rafael.  Mr.  David  Nye  puffed 
out  his  chest,  and  looked  down  on  the  insignificant 
mendicant.  So  indignant  was  he  that  he  could 
not  trust  himself  to  speak,  but  shook  his  head  vig- 
orously. "  Ah  Davy,  Davy,"  said  the  stranger, 
sadly,  "  look  here,"  and  pulling  up  his  trousers  leg 
he  showed  a  long  scar.  Superintendent  Nye  in  a 
moment  forgot  that  he  was  no  longer  connected 
with  a  single-Btage  line,  and  fell  into  the  stranger's 
arniB.  It  was  his  old  chum,  Billy,  the  hostler. 
They  had  worked  in  the  same  stable  and  bedded 
horses  together,  twenty  years  ago.  Of  course  he 
got  his  pass,  and  several  dollars  too.  This  incident 
a>  humanized  Mr.  Nye  that  during  the  balance  of 
the  vogage,  he  forgot  to  scowl  at   the   deck-hands. 


There  are  certain  classes  of  advertisements  that 
even  the  Chronicle  and  Arqonaut  will  not  take. 
The  trouble  with  the  managers  of  these  papers  is 
that  while  they  have  the  self-denial  to  refuse  ten 
dollars  ten  times  they  can't  refuse  one  hundred 
dollars  once. 


Mr.  Samuel  Barrel,  of  Pine  street,   is  about  to 
publish  a  society  novel,   called  "  The   Raftertys  of 


Raffertytown."  Indeed,  the  novelette  which  the 
Argonaut  is  now  running  is  copied  after  Mr.  Bar- 
rel's brochure,  he  having  incautiously  exhibited  his 
MS.  to  the  Argonauts  contributor  some  weeks 
ago.  In  the  Raffertys,  Miss  Rafferty  gets  quite  as 
full  as  Miss  Randolph  in  the  first  chapter,  and  is 
hugged  by  Colonel  Murphy,  who  kisses  her  all  over, 
beginning  with  her  back  hair.  But  while  the 
Argonaut  heroine  runs  away,  the  leading  lady  in 
Mr.  Barrel's  story,  stands  her  ground  and  swats 
the  bold  officer  in  the  gob.  It  deals  with  living 
actors  in  our  best  society,  and  the  characters  can  be 
easily  recognized  by  any  one  who  has  the  entree  of 
the  salons — not  saloons. 


Santa  Jiosa,  CaL,  April  1,  1SS3. 

Editor  "Wasp": — As  you  so  love  to  puncture  the 
bubbles  of  rampant  vanity,  why  don't  you  review  the 
nauseating  publicity  with  which  Frank  Sullivan,  the 
Pretty,  donated  to  charity  his  salary  as  State  Senator, 
through  the  columns  of  a  city  daily?  Why  don't  you 
suggest  to  this  sappy  young  man  to  play  humbug  with 
greater  art,  to  the  end  that  he  may  succeed  and  the  pub- 
lic be  able  to  contain  its  stomach  ?  Why  do  you  not  in- 
duct into  the  head  of  him  at  least  a  rush-light  conception 
of  how  asinine  one  can  be  in  braying  his  virtues  from  the 
house-tops  ?  Do  it,  Wasp,  and  a  suffering  public  will  rise 
up  and  call  you  blessed.  Gripes. 

Mr.  Sullivan  aspires  to  a  nomination  for  mem- 
ber of  Congress.  He  has  a  right  to  expend  his 
campaign  fund  in  the  way  that  it  will  do  him  the 
most  good,  even  if  that  way  have  the  disadvantage 
of  doing  good  to  others. 


A  Voice   From  the  People. 

THE    GREATEST    CURATIVE   SUCCESS  OF  THE  AGE, 

No  medicine  introduced  to  the  public  has  ever 
met  with  the  success  accorded  to  Hup  Bitters.  It 
stands  to-day  the  best  known  curative  article  in  the 
world.  Its  marvelous  renown  is  not  due  to  the  ad- 
vertising it  has  received.  It  is  famous  by  reason 
of  its  inherent  virtues.  It  does  all  that  is  claimed 
for  it.  It  is  the  most  powerful,  speedy  and  ef- 
fective agent  known  for  the  building  up  of  debil- 
itated systems  and  general  family  medicines. 

Winston,  Forsythe  Co.,  N.  C,  March  15,  1880. 
Gents  I  desire  to  express  to  you  my  thanks  for  your 
wonderful  Hop  Bitters.  I  was  troubled  with  Dyspepsia 
for  five  years  previous  to  commencing  the  use  of  your  Hop 
Bitters  some  six  months  ago.  My  cure  has  been  wonder- 
ful. I  am  pastor  of  the  First  Methodist  Church  of  this 
place,  and  my  whole  congregation  can  testify  to  the  great 
virtue  of  your  Bitters.     Very  respectfully, 

Rev.  H.  Ferebee. 
Rochester,  N.  Y.,  March  11,  1880. 
Hop  Bitters  Co. — Please  accept  our  grateful  acknowl- 
edgement for  the  Hop  Bitters  you  were  so  kind  to  donate, 
and  which  were  such  a  benefit  to  us      We  are  so  built  up 
with  it  we  feel  young  again. 

Old  Ladies  op  the  Hosie  of  the  Friendless. 
Delevan,  Wis.,  Sept.  24,  1880. 
Gents— I   have  taken  not  quite  one  bottle   of   the  Hop 
Bitters.     I  was  a  feeble  old  man  of  78  when  I  got  it.    To- 
day I  am  as  active  and  feel  as  well  as  I  did  at  30,     I  see  a 
great  many  that  need  such  a  medicine.  D.  Royce. 

Monroe,  Mich.,  Sept.  25,  1875. 
Sirs — I  have  been  taking  Hup  Bitters  for  inflammation 
of  the  kidneys  and  bladder.     It  has  done  for  me  what  four 
doctors  failed  to  do — cured  me.     The  effect  of  the  Bitters 
seemed  like  magic.  W.  L.  Carter. 

If  you  have  a  sick  friend  whose  life  is  a  burden,  one 
bottle  of  Hop  Bitters  will  restore  that  friend  to  perfect 
health  and  happiness. 

Bradford,  Pa,,  May 8,  1881. 
"  It   has  cured  me  of  several  diseases,  such  as  nervous- 
ness, sickness  at   the   stomach,  monthly  troubles,  etc.     I 
have  not  seen  a  sick  day  since  I  took  Hop  Bitters." 

Mrs.  Fannie  Green. 
Evensville,  Wis.,  June  24,  1882. 
Gentlemen — No  medicine  has  had  one-half  the  sale  here 
and  given  such  universal  satisfaction  as  your  Hop  Bitters 
have.  We  take  pleasure  in  speaking  for  their  welfare,  as 
e/ery  one  who  tries  them  is  well  satisfied  with  their  re- 
sults. Several  such  remarkable  cures  have  been  made 
with  them  here  that  there  are  a  number  of  earnest  work- 
ers in  the  Hop  Bitters  cause.  One  person  gained  eleven 
pounds  from  taking  only  a  few  bottles.       Smith  &  Ide. 

Bay  City,  Mich.,  Feb.  3,  1880. 
Hop  Bitters  Company— I  think  it  my  duty  to  send  yon 
a  recommend  for  the  benefit  of  any  person  wishing  to 
know  whether  Hop  Bitters  are  good  or  not.  I  know  they 
are  good  for  general  debility  and  indigestion  ;  strengthen 
the  nervous  system  and  make  new  life.  I  recommend  my 
patients  to  use  them.  1~)k.  A.  Platt, 

Treater  of  Chronic  Diseases. 
Superior,  Wis..  Jan.,  1S80. 
I  heard  in  my  neighborhood  that  your  Hop  Bitters  was 
doinjf  such  a  great  deal  of  good  among  the  sick  and  afflict- 


ed with  most  every  kind  of  disease,  and  as  I  had  been 
troubled  for  fifteen  years  with  neuralgia  and  all  kinds  of 
rheumatic  complaints  and  kidney  trouble,  I  took  one  bottle 
according  to  directions.  It  at  once  did  me  a  great  deal  of 
good,  and  I  used  four  bottles  more,  I  am  an  old  man, 
but  am  now  as  well  as  I  can  wish.  There  are  seven  or 
eight  families  in  our  place  using  Hop  Bitters  for  their  fam- 
ily medicine,  and  are  so  well  satisfied  with  it  they  will  use 
no  other.  One  lady  here  has  been  bedridden  for  years,  is 
well  and  doing  her  work  from  the  use  of  three  bottles. 
Leonard  Whitbeck. 

What  it  Did  for  an  Old   Lady. 

Coshocton  Station,  N.  Y.,  Dec.  28,  1878. 
Gents— A  numbei  of  people  had  been  using  your  Bitters 
here,  and  with  marked  effect.  A  lady  of  over  seventy 
years,  had  been  sick  for  the  past  ten  years  ;  she  had  not 
been  able  to  be  around.  Six  months  ago  she  was  hopeless. 
Her  old  remedies  or  physicians  being  of  no  avail,  I  sent 
forty-five  miles  and  got  a  bottle  of  Hop  Bitters.  It  had 
such  an  effect  on  her  that  she  was  able  to  dress  herself  and 
walk  about  the  houee.  After  taking  two  bottles  more  she 
was  able  to  take  care  of  her  own  room  and  walk  out  to  her 
neighbors,  and  has  improved  all  the  time  since.  My  wife 
and  children  also  have  derived  great  benefit  from  their 
use.  W.  B.  Hathaway,  Agt.  U.  S.  Ex.  Co. 

Honest  OH  Tim 

Gorham,  N.  H.,  July  14,  1879. 
Gents— Whoever  you  are,  I  don't  know  ;  but  I  feel 
grateful  to  you  to  know  that  in  this  world  of  adulterated 
medicines  there  is  one  compound  that  proves  and  does  all 
it  advertises  to  do,  and  more.  Four  years  ago  I  had  a 
slight  shock  of  palsy,  which  unnerved  me  to  such  an  ex- 
tent that  the  least  excitement  would  make  me  shake  like 
the  ague.  Last  may  I  was  induced  to  try  Hop  Bitters. 
I  used  one  bottle,  but  did  not  see  any  change  ;  another 
did  so  change  my  nerves  that  they  are  now  as  steady  as 
they  ever  were.  It  used  to  take  both  hands  to  write,  but 
now  my  good  right  hand  writes  this.  Now,  if  you  con- 
tinue to  manufacture  as  honest  and  good  an  article  as  you 
do,  you  will  accumulate  an  honest  fortune  and  confer  the 
greatest  blessing  on  your  fellow-men  that  was  ever  con- 
ferred on  mankind.  '    Tim   Buroh. 

Anna  Maria  Krider,  Wife  of  Tobias  K. 

Chambersburg,  July  25,  1875. 

This  is  to  let  the  people  know  that  I,  Anna  Maria  Kri- 
der, wife  of  Tobias  Krider,  am  now  past  74  years  of  age. 
My  health  has  been  very  bad  for  many  years  past.  I  was 
troubled  with  weakness,  bad  cough,  dyspepsia,  great  de- 
bility and  constipation  of  the  bowels.  I  was  so  miserable 
that  I  could  eat  nothing.  I  heard  of  Hop  Bitters  and  wis 
resolved  to  try  them.  I  have  only  used  three  bottles,  and 
I  feel  wonderful  good,  well  and  strong  again.  My  bowels 
are  regular,  my  appetite  good,  and  cough  gone.  I  think 
it  my  duty  to  let  the  people  know  how  bad  I  was  and 
what  the  medicine  has  done  for  me,  so  they  cau  cure  them- 
selves with  It. 

My  wife  was  troubled  for  years  with  blotches,  moth 
patches,  freckles  and  pimples  on  her  face,  which  nearly 
annoyed  the  life  out  of  her.  She  spent  many  dollars  on 
the  thousand  infallible  (?)  cures,  with  nothing  but  injuri- 
ous effects.  A  lady  friend,  of  Syracuse,  New  York,  who 
had  had  similar  experience  and  had  beeu  cured  with  Hop 
Bitters,  induced  her  to  try  it.  One  bottle  has  made  her 
face  as  smooth,  fair  and  soft  as  a  child's,  and  given  her 
such  health  that  it  seems  almost  a  miracle. 

A  Member  or  Canadian  Pabliament. 

A  Rich  Lady's   Experienoe. 

I  traveled  all  over,  Europe  and  other  foreign  countries 
at  a  cost  of  thousands  of  dollars  in  search  of  health  and 
found  it  not.  I  returned  discouraged  and  disheartened, 
and  was  restored  to  real  youthful  health  and  spirits  with 
less  than  two  bottles  of  Hop  Bitters.  *I  hope  others  my  j 
profit  by  my  experience  and  stay  at  home. 

A  Lady,  Augusta,  Me. 

■I  had  been  sick  and  miserable  so  long,  causing  my  hus- 
band so  much  trouble  and  expense,  no  one  knowing  what 
ailed  me.  I  was  so  completely  disheartened  and  discour- 
aged that  I  got  a  bottle  of  Hop  Bitters  and  used  them 
unknown  to  my  family.  I  soon  began  to  improve  and 
gained  so  fast  that  my  husband  and  family  thought  it 
strange  and  unnatural,  but  when  I  told  them  what  had 
helped  me,  they  said,  "  Hurrah  for  Hop  Bitters  !  long  ■ 
may  they  prosper,  for  they  have  made  mother  well  and  us 
happy."  The  Mother. 

My  mother  says  Hop  Bitters  is  the  only  thing  that  will 
keep  her  from  her  old  and  severe  attacks  of  paralysis  and 
headache. — Ed,  Oswego  Sun. 

Luddington,  Mich.,  Feb.  2,  1880. 

I  have  sold  Hop  Bitters  fur  four  years  and  there  is  no 
medicine  that  surpasses  them  for  bilious  attacks,  kidney 
complaints  and  many  diseases  incident  to  this  malarial 
climate.  H.  T.  Alexander. 


'FLIES  AND    BUGS." 


Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip*  ■* 
munks,  cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Eats."    15c. 

J-  "  Old  birds  are  not  caught  with  chaff."  Therefore? 
seek  and  find  the  pure  golden  grains  of  health  in  Kidney- 
Wort.  Women,  young  or  old,  married  or  single,  if  out  of 
health,  will  be  greatly  benefitted  by  taking  Kidney-Wort. 


THE    WASt>. 


13 


NEWS     0'     THE     WEEK. 


List  of  passengers  from  Guaymaa  :  John  S. 
i  Iray. Quake. The  honest  fanners  have  gob- 
bled all  the  positions  as  Wharfinger  and  five  hun 
dred  city  chaps  are  "  left  "  lamentini;.—  Chinese 
1  ation  Day.  Celestial  sepulchers  liberally 
adorned  with  roast  pi;;  and  festooned  with  #reaths 

of   ilead   rats. Dennis    Kearney,    lotpiitur. 

Sunday    "  holocausts  "  ;  delight  of  the  reporters, 

Impending   temperance  lecturess. Thomas 

Gunnison  severely  bitten  on  the  head  by  a  walrus 
tOOth  in    the    hands    of    .lames    Ryan.—    The   tile 

record  :  several  dead  Californians. The  sessions 

of  the  Board  of  Education  are  to  be  held  henceforth 
in  the  Lear-pit  at  \\ 1  ward's  Hardens. A  ter- 
rible warning  :  an  inveterate  cigarette  smoker  died 
from  the  bite  of  a  spider.     My  son,    look  not  upon 

the  cigarette  when  it  is  red. That   sturdy  dam- 

Orer  for  municipal  economy,  the  Bulletin,  is  pressing 
its  claim  for  $2,500  forprinting  the  rejected  charter. 

The  new   Chinese   newspaper   will  do  ;  it  has 

already  had  a  fight  in  the  editor's  office. Arrest 

of  J.  J.    O'Brien,    ex-Assistant   Secretary   of    the 

Harbor  Commission.      Any  more    I The  Third 

Regiment  is  to  be  accepted  as  militia  and  all  the 
members  are  bidding   a  tearful    farewell    to   their 

mothers.     The  old  ladies  bear  up  pretty  well. 

Nothing  new  in  suicides. The  usual  death-rate 

from  dummies. Oakland  News  :   that  from  San 

Francisco. Unknown  dead  body.     It   is   hoped 

that    it  is   that   of    a    society    reporter. Dead 

pioneer. Consul    Booker    heap    gone. Dogs 

are  ^being  classified  for  the  coming  bench-show. 
Bull  pups  will  be  entered  under  the  head  of  School 

Directors. Oakland     has     a     new    comet. 

Amen. 


A  man  who  has  got  fun  in  him  will  be  funny 
under  the  most  distressing  circumstances.  This 
was  illustrated  recently  in  the  case  of  Mr.  Frank 
Hatton,  Assistant  Postmaster-General  and  editor. 
He  was  on  a  sleeping-car  from  New  York  to  Wash- 
ington, and  when  he  got  up  in  the  morning,  at  his 
destination,  he  found  that  his  pants  had  been 
stolen.  The  passengers  were  getting  off  the  car, 
and  all  sympathized  with  Hatton,  but  none  of  them 
offered  him  their  pants.  He  wrapped  a  red  sleep- 
ing-car blanket  around  him,  took  a  feather  duster 
and  placed  the  handle  down  his  back,  so  the 
feathers  stood  up  over  his  head,  and  stood  in  the 
aisle  of  the  car,  when  everybody  laughed  except  the 
car  porter,  who  turned  pale.  A  friend  said,  "  Well, 
Frank,  what  are  you  going  to  do  ?  "  Frank  looked 
at  himself  in  the  glass  and  said,  "  Well,  I  guess  I 
will  take  a  hack  and  go  up  to  the  Secretary  of  the 
Interior  and  ask  to  be  sent  back  to  my  reserva- 
tion."— Peck's  Sun. 


In  theatrical  circles,  writes  a  San  Francisco  cor- 
respondent of  the  New  York  Tribune,  the  sensation 
is  the  craze  of  two  French  counts  from  Colorado  for 
two  pretty  actresses  in  a  variety  company  now 
playing  here.  The  Counts,  whatever  may  be  the 
length  of  their  lineage,  have  very  long  purses  and 
hail  from  two  cattle  ranches  in  Colorado.  If  one 
presents  a  costly  piece  of  jewelry  to  the  object  of 
his  admiration,  the  other  trumps  it  with  a  more  ex- 
pensive trinket.  The  latest  absurdity  was  a  costly 
dinner  given  to  the  entire  company  by  one  of  the 
titled  swains.  All  local  admirers  stand  afl'ar  off, 
paralyzed  by  the  recklessness  of  the  Colorado  mag- 
nificos. 


Speaking  of  clergymen,  a  characteristic  though 
possibly  apocryphal  story  is  told  of  the  reverend 
rector  of  Grace  Cathedral  in  this  city.  He  was 
called  upon  to  baptize  a  child  in  a  private  house, 
where  a  bowl  of  rare  china,  which  had  been  in  the 
family  for  a  generation  or  two,  was  furnished  to 
hold  the  christening  water.  The  sacrament  ad- 
ministered, the  clergyman  coolly  broke  the  bowl, 
in  order  that,  having  been  consecrated  by  the  cere- 
mony, it  might  never  be  profaned  by  secular  use  ! 


"  Charley,"  remarked  Jones,  "  you  were  born  to 
be  a  writer."  "  Ah  '.  "  replied  Charley,  blushing 
slightly  at  the  compliment  ;  "  you  have  seen  some 
of  the  things  I  haveturned  oil'?"  "No, "said  Jones; 
"  I  wasn't  referring  to  what  you  had  written.  I 
was  simply  thinking  what  a  splendid  ear  you  had 
for  carrying  a  pen.     Immense,  Charley,  immense  !  " 


STRENGTH 


to  vigorously  push  a  business, 
strength  to  study  a  profession, 
strength  to  regulate  a  household, 
strength  to  do  a  day's  labor  with- 
out physical  pain.  All  this  repre- 
sents what  is  wanted,  in  the  often 
heard  expression,  "Oh!  I  wish  I 
had  the  strength!"  If  you  are 
broken  down,  have  not  energy,  or 
feel  as  if  life  was  hardly  worth  liv- 
ing, you  can  be  relieved  and  re- 
stored to  robust  health  and  strength 
by  taking  BROWN'S  IRON  BIT- 
TERS, which  is  a  true  tonic— a 
medicine  universally  recommended 
for  all  wasting  diseases. 


501  N.  Fremont  St.,  Baltimore 
During  the  war  I  was  in- 
jured in  the  stomach  by  a  piece 
of  a  shell,  and  have  suffered 
fromiteversince.  Aboutfour 
years  ago  it  brought  on  paraly- 
sis, which  kept  me  in  bed  six 
months,  and  the  best  doctors 
in  the  city  said  I  could  not 
live.  I  suffered  fearfully  from 
indigestion,  and  for  over  two 
years  could  not  eat  solid  food 
and  for  a  large  portion  of  the 
time  was  unable  to  retain  even 
liquid  nourishment.  I  tried 
Brown's  Iron  Bittersantl  now 
after  taking  two  bottles  1  am 
able  to  get  up  and  go  around 
and  am  rapidly  improving. 
G.  Decker. 


BROWN'S  IRON  BITTERS  is 
a  complete  and  sure  remedy  for 
Indigestion,  Dyspepsia,  Malaria, 
Weakness  and  all  diseases  requir- 
ing a  true,  reliable,  non-alcoholic 
tonic.  It  enriches  the  blood,  gives 
new  life  to  the  muscles  and  tone 
to  the  nerves. 


T 


mm 


HE  GREAT  CURE 


RHEUMATISM 

As  it  is  for  all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS, 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victiiuB  of  Rhouinatisni  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  tho  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  $1.  LIQUID  OK  DRY,  SOLO  BY  1IKUGCISTS. 
14-  Dry  can  bo  sent  hy  mail. 

WELLS,  BICIIABDSOJT  &  Co. ,  Burlington  Vt 


KI-DNEY-WOR!T 


It  is  right  to  "  love  youi  neighbor  as  yourself," 
but  you  just  go  slow  on  that  racket  with  your 
neighbor's  wife.  " 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY 

Is  a  ccruln  euro  Tor  NKRVOU3  DEBILITY 
LOST  MaNUOOD,  and  all  tba  evil  effects  ot 
pi. 111  h  ml  fnllk'Bnud  expenses. 

IHI.  LI.NT1K,  who  Jm  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  the  UuiiLTsUy  or  Penrjsv'Vauin, 
will  agree  to  fni-fcir  Klvfi  Hundred  Dullari  foi 
acaseoriuekind  the  VITAL  RKSTOIUTIV1 
(uuuer  hisspccifil  ndvke  and  treatment)  wll 

Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  timca  tin 

$10.     ~ 

,  by  i 
Kearny  Street.  S.  F.     Scud  C.r  pnniphLM. 

BAJtPLE  BOTTLE  HIEE  will  be  sent  to 
Tin  oticapplviug  by  letur,  stating  symptoms, 
sex  aud  aae.  Strict  secrecy  la  >'li  transactions 


PENNYROYAL  PlLLS.^d-.-Vi;:::^1;' 


Tin-  Buoara  -' 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

COMPOUND   EXTFCTS 

01 

Cubebs  and   Copaiba 

T|(i     1  om pound   i  1    luperior  bo  any 

preparation  bitl invi  nto  d,  com 

bimng  in  a  verj  highlj  concentrated 
hint.'  the  medical  properties  of  tin? 
1  lubebs  and  <  lopaiba  I  ine  i<  com 
mendation  this  preparation  enjoys 
over  ;ill  others  is  it*  neat,  poi  table 
form,  put  up  in  pota  :  Hi'*  mode  in  which  \i  may  be  u>k«_-ii 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  tin-  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  tin-  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  A  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  l'sii  Greenwich  street, 
New  \ork.  Kmt  Sai.k  By  All  Drdi  i  I 


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TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

60  0  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
fiC  O  Francisco  -EHtabliehi'd 
In  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases. 

Debility,  or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  nit  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  haB  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  le 
competent  to  impart  to  thoso  in  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Peraonfl  at  a  distance  may  be  nUICED  AT  HUME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
clsco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


CALIFORNIA  SAFE    DEPOSIT   AND 
TRUST  COMPANY. 

.'t,M»    UOMCOHIIEV     STREET, 

San  FranelBCOi  «'al. 

capital,       -  #-».(h>0,oo0. 

Directors: 
j.  d.  fry,  g.  l.  bradley, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT,  JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  11.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TEVIS,  CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADSWORTH,  I.  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

J.  i>.   riEV Presldunl 

C.   IE.  TIIOHIVS'.»\  (late  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) Treasurer 

tf.M.  CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

Interest  allowed  oh  deposits.  i><  poshs  received 
siiltjeet  (<•  eheeli  or  draft*  a(  sijflit.  t'crtltlvates  ofde- 
[toslt  Issued.     Loans  niaile  on  eollaleral  security- 

Tlic  Safe  Deposit  Vaults,  containing  4600  safes  of  different 
sizes,  with  rental  from  $2  to  £20  per  month,  or  from  S12  to  S*00 
per  year,  according  to  size  and  location,  offer  tlio  most  absolutese- 
curity  to  the  property  of  renters,  who  have  entire  control  of  the 
the  safes  they  rent,  under  the  regulations  of  the  Company,  which 
have  been  carefully  made,  to  ensure  security  and  to  facilitate  the 
business  of  patrons.  Silverware,  Jewelry,  trunks  of  valuable  arti- 
cles, bullion,  coin,  books  and  papers  of  mercantile  houses,  (ledgers 
which  will  be  received  or  delivered  at  any  time  during  the  day  or 
night,)  and  personal  property  of  all  kinds  receiver!  for  .safu  keeping. 

This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Corporations,  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  collections  and  remit- 
tances, buy  and  sell  Securities,  Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money, 
Exchange,"  etc  make  investments  aud  negotiate  loans. 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  :is  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies. 

Will  act  as  Executor  and  Administrator  of  Estates,  Guardian  of 
minors,  and  pay  annuities,  etc. 

Non-residents  nnd  persons  unable  to  attend  to  their  financial 
matters  personally,  will  have  their  interests  looked  after  with  the 
utmost  care. 

The  Capital  of  the  Company,  and  its  superior  facilities  for  the 
transaction  of  business,  give  guarantee  of  security,  promptness 
ami  care  that  cannot  be  expected  of  individual  agents. 

The  establishment  of  a  reliable  Trust  Companj  will  meet  a  re* 
quirement,  the  necessity  of  which  has  long  been  felt  in  this  coin- 
|  nity. 


14 


THE     WASP. 


SATISFIED     CURIOSITY, 


It  was  a  quiet-looking  little  man  with  a  frayed 
moustache  who  got  on  a  car,  the  other  night,  and 
he  had  a  square  wooden  box  under  his  arm  with 
rows  of  holes  punched  in  the  top,  which  immedi- 
ately attracted  the  attention  of  a  corpulent  pas- 
senger with  a  cotton  umbrella,  who  was  sitting  near 
the  door. 

"  I  suppose  you  have  some  wild  animal  in  that 
box,"  said  he,  tapping  it  with  his  umbrella. 

"  Yes,"  replied  the  other  shrinking  into  a  corner. 

"  You  have  a  museum  somewhere  maybe  \  " 

"  No,"  answered  the  small  man,  looking  down  at 
his  feet. 

"  Well,  might  I  ask  what  you  have  in  that 
box  1  "  questioned  the  fat  man,  his  curiosity  in- 
creasing. 

"  Certainly,"  murmured  the  man  with  the  box, 
looking  like  the  chief  mourner  at  a  funeral. 

There  was  a  dead  silence  for  several  minutes, 
when  the  corpulent  man  spoke  up  somewhat  im- 
patiently, "  Well,  what  is  it  ?  " 

"  It  is  a  mongoose,"  said  the  melancholy   man. 

"  A  mongoose,  what's  that  i  "  asked  the  man 
with  the  umbrella,  leaning  over  and  eyeing  the 
box  curiously. 

"  It  is  an  animal  that  exterminates  snakes,"  re- 
plied the  small  man,  pulling   his  hat  over  his  eyes. 

"  And  what  do  you  propose  to  do  with  it  ?  " 
asked  the  fat  man,  opening  his  eyes  until  they 
looked  like  watch-dials. 

"  I  don't  propose  to  do  anything  with  it,"  an- 
swered the  other  nervelessly.  "  It  is  for  a  friend  of 
mine  who  has  the  delhrum  tremens,  and  wants  some- 
thing to  kill  the  snakes  he  sees. " 

"  But  they  aren't  real  snakes,  you  know,"  ex- 
claimed the  fat  man,  opening  his  mouth  until  the 
other  could  see  his  cork  soles. 

"  No  that's  true,"  said  the  quiet  man,  getting  up 
and  putting  the  box  under  his  coat,  "  but  then  this 
isn't  a  real  mongoose,  you  see,"  and  he  evaporated 
out  of  the  door,  while  the  fat  man  stared  thought- 
fully out  of  the  window  at  the  flickering  gas-lamps. 


THE    TACK. 


WHAT    RUINS     DE    NIGGER, 


'■  Dar  am  nuftin  which  ruins  a  nigger  more  sud- 
dener,"  said  Uncle  Nash,  solemnly"  to  hit  eldest 
hopeful,  "  dan  de  custom  ob  visitin'  hen  roosts  in 
de  full  ob  de  moon.  It  am  well  'nough  to  tackle  de 
watennillyun  patches  when  de  queen  ob  right  am 
snilin'  round  in  short  neck  an'  low  sleeves,  becuz 
de  squawk  of  de  twisted  watermillyun  vine  am  not 
like  de  squawk  ob  a  red  headed  roosterer  when  you 
done  pluck  him  out  o'  de  hen  patch.  But  take  de 
roosterer  when  de  moon  am  on  de  half  shell.  B\  - 
war'  also,  my  son,  ob  de  canine  dog.  I  h  lb  known 
ob  cases  whar  niggers  had  to  stan'  up  to  eat  dar 
chickum  pie  for  dat  reason.  De  bite  of  dis  venom- 
ous bird  am  wuss  dm  de  stings  ob  conscience  put 
on  wid  mustard  plarster.  Bewar'  I  say,  ob  de  dog. 
Look  out  for  de  gun  wid  de  twice  bar'K  Dey  am 
more  likely  to  knock  a  nigger  down  dan  a  busted 
onion.  Gin.'em  a  wide  berth,  and  crawl  under  de 
bed  ef  necessary.  Now,  my  son,  de  moon  am  young 
to-night,  an  de  ol'  man  am  gettin'  ol'.  Min'  what 
I  hab  tol'  you.  Dar  am  five  young  pullits  an  a 
roosterer  in  de  leanto  on  de  no'thwest  co'ner  ob 
Gap'n  Dunkin's  hoss  barn.  Take  dis  ol'  fox  paw. 
Go  make  some  tracks  roun'  in  de  san'.  Den  frow 
down  a  board,  step  up  to  de  winder  and  take  out 
dem  chickens  by  de  froat.  Decap'n  will  sen'  down 
to  hire  de  ol'  houn'  to-morrer,  and  de  family  egg- 
checker  will  be  deplenished  to  de  extent  ob  one 
dollar  an'  de  family  larder  will  be  greased  for  one 
week  wid  chickum  lard." — Burlington  Free   Press. 


SUBSCRIBERS 
Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP"  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


Let  us  pause  in  our  mad  career  and  seriously 
consider  the  tack  It  is  a  little  thing,  but,  for  its 
size,  it  has  mor&  gill  and  perverseness  than  any 
inanimate  object  we  know.  We  have  no  record  as 
to  who  invented  the  tack,  but  we  think  he  must 
have  had  a  malicious  and  unaccountable  prejudice 
against  the  human  race,  and  we  don't  know  by 
what  motive  he  was  prompted.  Didn't  we  have 
enough  troubles  before  ?  Didn't  we  have  rheumat- 
ism and  corns,  and  bills  coming  due,  and  one  thing 
and  another  to  worry  us  1  But  here  some  fellow 
comes  along  and  invents  the  tack,  which  is  now 
known  and  despised  all  over  the  habitable  globe, 
with  the  exception  of  the  Desert  of  Sahara.  Now, 
a  nail — say  a  ten-penny — is  mild  ;  it  is  fifty  times 
bigger  than  the  tack,  but  it  is  not  so  vicious  uorso 
acrobatic.  What  we  mean  by  that  is  that  it  never 
stands  on  its  head  ;  it  couldn't  do  it  to  save  its 
soul.  The  ten-penny  or  the  eight-penny  hasn't  a 
disposition  of  that  kind.  If  it  isn't  driven  into  a 
piece  of  wood,  it  lies  on  its  back  calmly,  and 
thinks.  There  is  nothing  belligerent  about  a  nail ; 
you  can  hit  it  on  the  head  and  it  won't  say  a  word. 
The  tack,  however,  is  of  a  different  temperament. 
You  take  a  tack,  for  instance,  place  it  on  a  chair 
and  sit  on  it;  you  will  shortly  perceive  how  soon  it 
will  respond.  It  has  a  pernicious  habit  of  standing 
on  its  head,  which  is  out  of  all  sense  and  reason, 
and  could  only  be  occasioned  by  a  malicious  intent. 
Somehow  the  tack  never  tackles  a  woman.  We 
have  seen  these  creatures  sit  right  down  on  an  in- 
verted tack  and  appear  to'enjoy  it.  And  the  tack 
was  tickled  to  death. 


To  strengthen  and  build  up  the  system,  a  trial  will  con- 
vince you  that  Brown's  Iron  Bitters  is  the  best  medicine 
made. 

SST  Hoods,  scarfs,  ribbons  and  any  fancy  articles  can  be 
made  any  color  wanted  with  the  Diamond  Dyes.  All  the 
popular  colors. 

FOR  THICK  HEADS, 
Heavy  stomachs,  bilious  conditions,— Wells'  .May  Apple 
Pills— anti-bilious,  cathartic.      10  and  25c. 

*  The  man  who  knows  nothing  of  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pink- 
liam  and  her  sovereign  remedy  for  women  is  wanted  for  a 
juryman.  The  fact  clearly  proves  that  be  doei  not  read 
the  papers.— iV.  H.  Begiater. 


The  scene  is  laid  in  a  railway  carriage,  where 
the  passengers  are  smoking  furiously. 

The  eighth  passenger,  courteously  :  "  I  beg  your 
pardon,  gentlemen,  but  I  hope  that  my  not  smok- 
ing doesn't  incouvenience  you  ?  " 


"  I  don't  want  no  rubbish,  no  fine  sentiments,  if 
you  please,"  said  the  widow  who  was  asked  what 
kind  of  an  epitaph  she  desired  for  her  late  hus- 
band's tombstone.  "  Let  it  be  short  and  simple — 
something  like  this  :  '  William  Johnson,  aged  sev- 
enty-five years.      The  good  die  young.'  " 


"  ROUGH  ON  CORNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "Rough  on  Corns."    15c.    Quick  ;  com- 
plete ;    permanent  cure.     Corns,  warts,  bunions. 


Invalid  wives  and  mothers  quickly  restored  to  health 
by  usin<?  Bro-'-n's  rron  Bitters.     A  true  tonic. 


KOSTETTERV 

n»      CELEBRATED       M^ 


1^*,  STOMACH-  & 

BITTER* 


What  the  great  restoratb  ef 
Hostetter's  Stomach  Bitters, 
will  do,  must  be  gathered 
from  what  it  has  done.  It 
has  effected  radical  cures  in 
thousands  of  cases  of  dyspep- 
sia, bilious  disorders,  inter- 
mittent fever,  nervous  affec- 
tions, general  debility,  con- 
stipation, sickheadache,  men- 
tal despondency,  and  the  pe- 
culiar complaints  and  disa- 
bilities to  which  the  feebTe 
are  so  subject. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


VITALITY 


RESTORED. 


A  Russian  dramatist,  having  submitted  a  play  to 
the  Censure,  is  summoned  into  the  presence  of  a 
ferocious  general,  who  thus  addresses  him  : 

"  Wretched  man,  are  you  not  aware  that  slavery 
has  been  abolished  in  the  domains  of  His  Imperial 
Majesty-?  And,  nevertheless,  in  this  revolution- 
ary production  you  have  ventured  to  caBt  a  sinister 
reflection  upon  the  Government  in  the  very  title  of 
the  piece. " 

"  B— but,  Your  Excellency  !  " 

"  Silence  !  It  is  impossible  for  the  Censure  to 
sanction  its  production  unless  its  name  is  changed. 
'  The  Slave  of  His  Passions  '  is  inadmissible." 

"  What  would  Your  Excellency  nave  it  changed 
to,  then  ? " 

"  To  '  The  Nem-o  of  His  Passions.' 


DR .  LIEBIG.  400  Geary  Street,  continues 
to  treat  sufcessliilly  every  form  of  Chronic  or  Special  Die- 
ease  without  mercury  minerals  or  nauseous  drugB  DE. 
LIKBlGr'9  INVIG  RATOR  is  the  only  positive  ami  perm-- 
nent  cure  tor  uervouB  and.  phvsical  d*  bility  lots  of  vitality, 
weakness,  and  all  the  results  of  indiscretion  and  excesses.  $1,000 
will  be  forfeited  ior  any  cass  of  special  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  tails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  followed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
aftrr  trying  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR  LIEBIG '8 
I-.VIGOBATOR,  No.  2,  1b  a  specific  for  prostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  tnvigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBTG  &  CO  , 
No.  400  Geary  street,  corner  of  Mason  street,  San  FranciBco. 
Private  entrance.  405  Muson  street.  eow 


Diamonds  should  be  washed  regularly,  but  it  is  not  nec- 
essary to  hang  them  out  on  a  line  in  the  back  yard. 
1  ^  .» 

DON'T  DIE  IN  THE  HOUSE. 

"  Rough  on  Rats."     Clears  out  rats,  mice,  roaches,  bed- 
bugs, flies,  ants,  moles,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f ' g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and   Letters  of    In- 
quiry to  : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


THE    MARVELLOUS 

Double  Throat 

OR  ANIMAL  IMITATOR. 

It  imitates  every  kouik!  in  theanhnal  king- 
dom t'nim  the  thrill  of  the  Nightingale  to 
the  howl  of  u  wolf.  After  little  practice  your 
mouth  "ill  seem  to  be  a  complete  menage- 
rie. Yon  can  rinse  a  laugh  or  a  pierritiftery 
"horror  at  pleasure.  \^S.EAD    Our 


Offer:  We  will  send 


the  large  IU- 

Papcr  cnti- 

.'ho  will 

to  each 

/double 

Jucc  our 


10U 


CHRO.MO     ADVERTISING    CARDS.     No  2  alike.     Post 
paid.     New  York  Card  Co.,  205  Grand  St.,  N.  Y.     25c. 


tied  YOUTH,  for  th  roe  months  to 
send  \ii  ir,  Cents  in  postage  stamps,  and  . 
person  «e  will  send  .Tree  the  Marvellous 
Thrnnt.  We  make  this  ofl'er  simply  to  intro  _ 
paper  into  new  homes.  YOUTH  Is  overflow  ins  wi'h  charm- 
ing stories,  sketches,  poems,  puzzles  &<■.  For  $3.fiOr  we  will 
send  eight  subscriptions  and  eight  Double  Thmais  Gel  seven 
friends  to  join  vou  and  thus  secure  your  own  free  Address, 
■foUTH   PLiii'G  CO.,  '62  Doatic  St.,  Boston,  Mass. 


AMTTS  EMENTS. 

German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  GeNEE 

SUNDAY,      -      -      ~    -     APRIL  8th, 

COMPLIMENTARY       BENEFIT 

Mmme.    OTTILIE     GENEE. 

In  honor  of  the  fifteenth  anniversary  as  directress. 

OTTILIE-      GENEE 

In  the  historic  part,  as 

"  MADAME     FLOFF-"— Farce  in  one  act. 

To  conclude  with  Moser's  celebrated 

Comedy,  in  three  acts, 

DAS       STIFTUNGSFEST, 


Monday,   April  15th -Farewell  benefit    of    HENRY 
KADELBURGr. 

Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbelikq  Bros Proprietors  and  Managers 

Last  nights  and  great  success  of  Lecoq's 
Comic  Opera,  in  three  acts, 

DVC  _A_  3ST  O  L  _A_  . 

Monday  Evening,  April  9th— STRADELLA. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

tauaer   of  this  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
■   ;i  Fnndbco,  for  porta  in  California,  Ore* 
con,    Washington    and    Idaho  Territories,   British 
i  ana  Alaska,  as  follows  : 

tallOirnht  Southern  <»af*t  Boule.-  The  Steamers  0R1- 
ZABA  and  ANCON  nail  every  Ave  dais  at  9  a.  m.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Bartiara,  Los  Angles  and  San  DtegO,  as  follows; 
OKI/ABA.  10th,  -jutli  ;m.|  :;<ifh  .,f  ,^-h  month.  A.VCn.N 
and  2;>th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  ANGELES  sails  every 
jay  at  -  >.,  m.  fox  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey,  Sin  Simeon,  Cav- 
acoe,  Gaviota,  Santa  Bartiara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

Itriil-.li  <  olombln  and  Alaska  Route.  —  Steamship 
EUREKA,  oarr>ink'  C.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  W.  T.,  Vic- 
toria, and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wran^l,  Sitka  and  HarriabuTK, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  and  Fusel  -Sound  Route—  The  SteamcrsGEO.  W. 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA,  Carrying  Her  Brittajlk  Majesty's  and  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  '2  p.  m. 
on  the  10th,  20th.  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
P.  *.  on  the  9th,  lfttv  an(j  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  a  m.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
[Wote.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  dOth,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  dav  earlier,  and  i.^.u  sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Guids. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Route.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Express,  even'  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  a.  m.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  Humboldt  Ray  Route. —Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffev's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &.  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  ......  1856 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent   Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  20  per  cent,  lower  tban  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 

ta-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SI 

BILLIABDS! 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
,        should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  by  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOHN  <  It  i:  V HAN,  Con  i  ■  run  tnl  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 

Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
$1  per  doz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.         ap-14 

Miorris  &   Kennedy 

19  and  21.  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC  COAST  R.  R.         NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 


Oakland,     llaineda,    Newark,    Snn     JOM,    Lot   Galon. 

<.h-iivt  iimi.   it  Hon    and    Santa  t'rnz. 

PICTURESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIO  TREES. 
■*■  Santa  Cl-m  V.ill.>,  Monterey  Bay.  Forty  miles  shorter  to 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  :inv  other  route.  No  change  ol  cars  ;  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  bed  flret-dass.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leai  e 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  BOUTS  side,  at 

8 "in  **  ***«  'lai'v.  West  San  Lorenzo.  West  San  Leandro.  Rut*. 
■OU  Mil*   Mt-    K'l.'i.    Alvwad  i  -nterville, 

Mowrys,  Alviso.  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  J"St,  Los  Oatos, 
Alma,  WrightB,  HJjhl.aid,  Glenwood,  Doughtrtvs,  Felton  BigTrees 
and  SANTA  i.'RI'Z,  arrivii 

2, Qfl   '*■  M"  ^'ly  Express:  Mt.  Eden,  Alvanulo,  Newark,  Cen- 
■  OU  terville,  AM*..,  a-ik-wh,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE  and  Los 
Gatos.    Through  to  SANTA  CRUZ  every  Saturday. 

4«Qfl  P*  M-  CSnndayB  excepted),  lor  SAN  JOSE  and  intermedi- 
.OU  ate  Btationa 
0U  Sundays,  A  Special  Passenger  Train 
UI1  leaves  San  Jose  at  6:15  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  7:35. 
EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  $3.50  TO  SAN 
Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    AXAMEDA. 
§6:30— 7:30— 8:30—9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.    "112:30— 1:30—  2:30- 
3:S0— 4:80— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 
—§6:57— 7:57— 3:52— 9:52— 10:52— Ull:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:35—  9:35 
—10:35—^11:35  A.  M.  12:35—1:35—2:35—3:35—4:35—5:35—0:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 
§Daily,  Sundays  excepted.  *i  Sundays  only. 
Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  ear  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.    Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  222  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth   and  Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Oct  29.  GeD'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &,  P.  Agt 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  350,00? 

Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -      —       -       "  141,000 

Oflice-219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 


Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE   AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OP  HIVKR 
and  lun  Transportation   penetrate  all  sections  ol  the  Pacific 
Northwi  •',.  and  form  direct  re  it  1 

I'p  the  t'olnmbta    To  the  DoJh  i,  Umatilla,  Pendleton,  WaKa 
Waflb.   Dayton,  the  Pali  Snake  River  Pointy  :i»d 

Leffifiton  ; 

l'l»  the    I'end  d'Orellle    Dlvlllon  rth,  Cheney, 

Bpregne,  Spokane   Falls,  Lake   Pend  d'Orelne,  and  all  point*  la 
Northern  [dabo  and  Montana  ; 

l:p  the  Willamette  Yalles    To  Oregon  City,  Salem,  ana1 

the  beautihi]  country  ofSonthern  On 

Ikowu  the  Columbia  -Throuj  pii  turesque'secne- 

rj  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points 
Over  to  1'i^ri   sound   -To Tacoma  Olyropia.'Seattle, Port 
i     victoria  and  Belingnam Baj     a  section  nnrivulw.1  tor 
1  l tf til  climate  and  charming  prospects. 


THE  SOUTH  BEITISH  AND  NATIONAL 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SAN80ME  STHEET,  8AN  FRANCISCO,   OAL. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Elmwood,    GJIenwood,    Hud  sou   and   Our  Choice. 


DONT  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
hall  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Ever}'  one  Warranted,  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


KS-SEND  US  5  Cents  and  we  will  return 

you  by  mail  a  sample  of  SHEET  MUSIC  and  a  list  of 
pieces  published.  Address  Dickinson  &  Co,,  19  West 
Eleventh  Street,  New  York. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

l.ailj  si,'i«e-.  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  Jfloik  Dlv»a<m. 
direct  for  MIhbodIu  and  all  neighboring  pointe 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  TramY,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Frnnclseo  ottlce     .'t  i  Montgomery  St. 


1863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
fit worth  $10  free.  Address  E.  a 
KIDEOUTACO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  H.  7. 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  P. ,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The   most    complicated  cases  of   defective   vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»"AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. _« 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

M  EROH  ANTS. 

AGENTS    FOB.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

8.  S.  Hepworth'a   Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


yf*  ~WZyi 


THE        ART        AND        LIBRARY        BUILDING—STATE        UNIVERSITY. 


i( 


OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"-- 


Round  and  Pressed 
'    CIGARETTE.    " 


Pure,  Mild,        "ALLEN  &  GINTER, 

Fragrant  and  Sweet.       M.».iw«nr<-r»,  mcbmmd,   v. 


MIOPIA 

■H  POPULAR     PRICES! 

■LARGE    STOCK! 


Ready-Made 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


H  E  fj  AILOR 


POPULAR   TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys' 


I 


POPULAR     STYLES! 

Men's    Furnishing     Coods. 


Clothing.  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

816  &  SIS  Market  Street,  San  Fraucisco. 


NEW 
ENGLAND 
BAKING 
POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Garli.  Sola 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Moa  Bros.!  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


sibebij^i^"  ib^ls^im: 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  ColcL,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause 


ni'.roT.    415    -.io\  h.ohi:im    street. 


For  Hale  by  all  MrnRslf.(«. 


B. 


*sr  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts. ,  Sao  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

800CKS80R  TO 

M  ASSET     &     TUNG, 

No.    SSI    ■illUUirATll    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Francisco. 


AN 

xtraordinary 


Razor 


^  M 


KOHLEB  A  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  Si., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

DeckerBro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
FI.SITIF.K  and  the  EHEBSON  Piano*. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 

H.  E.  WlLUAR,  JR.  A.  CARLIBm. 

A.    CARLISLE    &  CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

22G     CALIFORNIA    STKfcET, 

San    Franoibco 

H.     HOESCH, 

Restaurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

4  17    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  Ban  Francisco. 


US  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
\  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
i  3  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
i  RE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  Betting.  It 
Mes  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
iking  quite  a  luxury.  It  ia  CREATING  A 
<  EAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
tjerte,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
1>  dollars  in  buffalo  handle;  S3  in  ivory. 
4ry  Razor  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
r*rse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
tl  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
t.  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
ajpiied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 
j?  he  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
1  red  their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
1'tRYCARVING  KNIVES, TABLE  and  POCKET 
1  IVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
t]  8ame  quality  as  their  marveloualy  wonderful 
1  7.0  K. 


H.  B.  UxDttRHiLL,  jR.,Sec'y. 


PftBNTISa  Sblbt,  Sup  t.  ___".-  /~ 

Selby    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MAvnTACTURRRS   OF  


MANTTPACTtJRKItS  07  

.  —.         a        *  t   ~*    oKftt    n..r  l#5id    PI"  Lend.   Solder,  Antl-Fnction  Metal.  Lead 

OEF.CE,    .f'sfoNTQOMERY    STREET.       -       -      ^^CoSSESL 
Benners  of  Gold  and  8dver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion. 

ASK   YOUR   GROCER   FOR   THE 

HITE    ROSE    FLOTJIR 


THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Capital  Paid  Up 
Reserve  U.  S.  lionds 


$3,000,000 
•      4,500,000 


Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE   AGKNTB  FOR 

"GOLD  DUST"  WHISKEY 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


rWICHEFTp 

L-f  Kid  Gloves  -1- 

J.WAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

I  Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

iL  Geary  and  Post .San  Francisco 


w 


IIANBFACTIJIIED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

SS~  See  loeal  notice  In  nnotuer  eolnmn, 


ig-OT^P       KENTUCKY 


WHIBKEY.-a 


3EANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

1.   D.    SPRECKELS    &    BBO% 
S*T    Market    Street. 

OWHEBS   OF 

preckels'Line   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Frelgnt  to  Honolulu. 


IMMOND'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUE 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


TV 

H 

I 

b: 

IE 
Y 


Chlc*ering&Sons,Bo»ton;Bluthner,Lelpzig| 
F.  L.  Noumana,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechten, 
Berlin.  __     ...--.— 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAB  MABKET.  SaN  FBANO'BOO. 


J.  J.  PALMHR. 


Valbntinb  Rby. 


PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  ofPrlntlng  and  Lithographing 

IPIRIESSIES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottreil  4  Babcoek,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,  405  &  407  SansomeSt.S.F 

We  have  on  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, ^^ 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

SUOOESSOBS     TO 

Craig  and  Son, 

UNDERTAK  ERS 

And    EMBAXHERS, 
22  &.  28  MINTAVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  In  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 


W-nrPOT.  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. -«^ 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


K3?HARnwOOD   LUMBER.-^?.1^ 


Wigmore, 


SFEAB    STBEUT,    8AS    FBAA  CISCO. 


DOANE  &  HEKSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,sntt 


SAN     LEANDRO     VILLAGE     CARTS. 

(With    Phaeton   Tor.) 

This  ia  the  third  style  of  my  Village  Carts  that  has 
been  presented  to  the  readers  of  the  Wasi*,  and  is 
perhaps  the  handsomest  style  that  I  make. 

Tor  the  use  of  ladies  when  on  calling  or  shopping; 
expeditions  in  cities  or  country  towns,  nothing-  more 
convenient,  graceful  or  dainty  has  yet  been  produced. 

One  of  these  vehicles  drawn  by  a  handsome  horse 
fend  well  equipped  with  nice  robes,  and  carrying  two 
well-dressed  ladies,  presents  a  picture  of  elegance, 
lightness  and  grace  that  cannot  be  equaled  by  the 
more  cumbersome  and  heavy-appearihg  four-wheeled 
Phaeton  or  Buggy.  In  addition  to  its  satisfactory  ap- 
pearance it  is  fiie  safest  style  of  carriage  that  can  be 
used,  for  it  makes  little  difference,  as  far  as  safety  is 
concerned,  whether  the  horse  goes  forward,  backward 
•r  sddewise,  the  vehicle  will  not  cramp  or  upset,  but 
will  follow  the  horse  and  accommodate  itself  to  his 
movements  however  eccentric  they  may  be. 

Remember  this  Cart  is  the  only  one  that  does  not 
tip  down  behind  if  a  large  horse  is  used  or  in  front  if 
a  small  one  is  employed,  but  can  always  be  made  level 
2nd  comfortable  regardless  of  the  seize  of  the  animal. 

This  Cart  is  warranted  to  ride  as  easy  as  the  best 
boggy  or  other  four-wheeled  vehicle,  and  to  be  abso- 
lutely free  from  the  nodding  or  bobbing  motion  of 
other  two-wheeled  conveyances. 

They  are  sold  contingent  upon  sustaining  the  above 
statements.  Send  for  illustrated  catalogue,  giving 
prices  and  different  styles,  or  call  and  examine  them. 

&T  Prices  from  $90  to  $160 

Jacob  Price,  San  Leandro,  Cal, 
Inventor  and  Manufacturer. 
TRUMAN,  ISII.1M    A  CO., 
511  Market  St.,  San  Franciseo,  Cal.,  agents. 
N.    B.     The  Carts  can   be  Seen   AND    TRIED  at 
either  place. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whcopir.g  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    HASSMER,    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry. 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

US    SITTER    STREET, San  Franciseo,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers    of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Franeisco. 

JKO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cni2.  Post  Office  Box,  20M. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

Bw  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

5.  W.  Cor,  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN   FRANCISCO,  CAL. 

D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wm.  J.  Button,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Olarb,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Capt.  A.  M.  BurnB,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  "^^^^  MA.RINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;        ;        ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nle- 
haum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Fine  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brae  repaired,  21S  O'FarreU  Street,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 

"The    Baldwin." 


This  Hotel  was;  completed  and 
opened  in  May,  1877,  and  is  con- 
ducted on  the  American  Plan. 

Over  83,500,000  having  been  ex- 
pended by  Mr.  Baldwin  in  its  con- 
struction and  furnishing. 

The  Baldwin  is  the  most  ele- 
gantly app>inte.i  Hitel  in  tha 
world. 


Situated  on  Market  Street,  at 
the  intersection  of  Powell  and  Eddy 
Streets,  and  fronting  on  four  prin- 
cipal streets  in  the  business  center, 
it  is  convenient  of  access  to  and 
from  all  quarters  of  the  City. 
Eight  lines  of  Street  Cars  pass  its 
doors. 

Hctel  Coaches  and  Carriages  in 
waiting  at  all  Etesiccr  ar.d  Pailway 
Depots. 


The  Leading  Hotel  of  San  Francisco,  California. 


TOURISTS'        HEADQUARTERS. 


Special  Accommodations  for  Families  and   Large  Parties. 


Prices  the  same    as  at  other  First-elass  Hotels— $9  50   to    85  per  day. 


H.  H.  PEARSON,  Proprietor, 


BRUSH    HARDENBURGH,    Chief   Clerk,  1 
M.;  A.    FRENCH,    CashIer.  t 


Formerly  Proprietor  of  "  The  Cosmopolitan,"  San  Francisco. 


^W»         jS^t  ^.        ^V. 


'A 


VOL.   X.        teAJN    FKAiNUlBtO,  APRIL   14,   Job;}. 


No.   350. 


ItaUiJ 


Lunch 

Go. to  the 

w   England 
ITCHEN. 

522 

Ifinnhi  St. 


HE  CJiiL.hi±iJxATED 

AMPACNE  WINES 

sears.  Dkctz  &  Gbldrrmann  Ay,  en  Champagne. 


CACHET    BLANC— Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GKEEN      SEAL, 
In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

IDEA  I  \    RED   AND   U  HI  I  E  WINES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  FUa. 

HOCK     WINES, 

cases  from  Q.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

vrles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  aDd  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


'give  ffiy  m  a  literal  education," 


HAMBEELAnr  &  KOBIUSOH 

PBOPBIETOKB. 


[IACIFIC 

J>    _BUSIN_ESS_ 


QLLEGE. 

320SUrJ 


»"SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR~ea 


Leopold   Bro's 

LOBIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


MOAT'V 
Street. 


totographer, 


.EN   MGABY  &  CO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

UOR    MERCHANTS, 

22  and  324  FKONT  STREET, 
N  FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


HOEDEHER 

Champagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  frem   Mr.    I. on  Ik  Borderer,  Rcimp,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.|  _  Before  purchasing,  sec  thit  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


30FIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

uSping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

8  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

also 

»  mento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS. 

ESSENCES,  CALIFORNIA  WINES,   Ere., 
714    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


ll 


White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN, 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

FORT,    SnERRV,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,   Room    2,     San    FrancLseo 


I 


OR.       MERRIMAN'S 


FRAGRANT 

"IT 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    8AI/E    BY    ALL    l>ltl  <.<;!>  I  s. 


Jambs  Suea.         A.  Bocqceraz.         R.   MoKbe. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 
WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  .Jackson    Street*), 
SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON    J.    UARDY," 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "  MILLER'S    EXTRA " 

Old    Ronrbon    whlhLlcs. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


SCHLITZ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.  Corner    SAJiSd.ni:  and    SACRAMENTO   Streets,   San  Francisco 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonio  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agent3  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

ni-A-NOflHazelton  Bros 

First  Class,   V 
Medium  Price,  A 

FULL   VALUE     lW 

FOB  TOUB  MONEY. mJ 


A 


HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
A.p/L  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Go's 

(•BHDWE1SER  BEERij 

SffiBfe,l!tet$8&©fc 

■WHOLESALE  SEALERS  IN 


WW 

321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Franoisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


Diper  Heidsieck 

1     CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

Ml  California  SI,,  San  Frnnrlt.ro,  Cal. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

c.    z  i  isr  :sr  s  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

Nu.  r.  Montgomery  Street  (Manonlc  Temple), 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,    8    and      10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Dr.  CIIAS   W.   DECKER,  Dentist 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Waahinjrton,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  of  Excellence, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The    Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

U 

K    fftsMim  SEK*  p. 

tn 

m 


a^"  Received  awards' of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  '  SOCIETY ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Bent  Work- 
manship. 


MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 


SO00E3SOR8  TO 


GOODWIN  &  OO. 

Manufacturers,  Wholesale  and  Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  tan  Francis.  0 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  c  iKes 
made  to  Order-  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  fUV 
IAR  and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  Gtf'Tuiu 
Sausages.  A.  REHSCIfli:. 


CHAMPAGNES 

DKY  MONOPOLE  (extra), 

L.  uoa:in:iCB:ic  (sweet  ami  dry), 
1101: i  A  <  ill vi»> v. 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 
For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  Ss  Co.) 
SS~  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladies'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Siloes,  Furs. 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
CILIA.  J.  UOIJLEA,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.      D., 

(Oculist.) 
TJIORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
"  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  lie,  Market  street, 
STos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  L0TJTS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


-    Proprietor 


olters  Brothers  &.C© 

Importers  and  Dealers  In 


W. 

Wines  and  Liquors 

321  California  Street,  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Daneri.  Hknrv  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

37  and  39  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


SANP 


RANCISCOQTOCK  D8EWERY, 


Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 

^  $  F  ?  P  ?   ? 

OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BT  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN   ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 

rjKEErV'      the  Pacific  Coast. 

■^^^^CLJMfiS^RUDOLPH  MOHK,  Secretary. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
It.  A.  M4CDONALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

31}  to 325  Spear  St., 21Sto236Stuarl  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 


LICKHOU8E 

OK     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 
THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 
In  the  World. 
Win.    F.   HARBISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NTJITAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN    FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


+ 


eg 


DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    T 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

IIKE  AIX  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES 

THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


®gb$A  femt&lfyg  &  §*>. 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

tt^"None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Label  and  Cork.^gi 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING         1 

-  m 

i«J     626JVIONTG0iyiERtST.a_S.E,COR,SUnERa0Ug0NTsSTS.     ;,' 


LP-    DEGEN     Maker    of 


Water  Prooi  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FliNKE'S   WIDOW 


08 

o 


[  ftemiere    QaaHle- 


CELEBRATED   CALIFORNIA 

CH  A  M  P  A  G  N~C 
Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.        tw 
80»   H»\T<;oilKl£Y  St.,  San   I'ranclseo. 

H.     N.     COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

105    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Ghotto. 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  <■  - 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  8TRE:  T  ' 

SAN    FRANO.SCG. 

AGENTS  FOR  PA0IF10  MAIL  S.  8  CO 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  C'i 
naxd  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  In  - 
the  China  Traders*  Insurance  Co.  (Tjimiterti 
the  Marine  Insurance  On.  of  London;  the  Bald 
win  Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co.. 
Nich,  Aahton  &  Bon's  Palt. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
40G    Sacramento    Street, 

Sah  Francisco. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

■lay,  f-ruin  and  CommiMsion  Her- 
>.  C  [chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS,,  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Alien  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP   _A.   IP   IE    ~R 


OF    ALL     KINDS. 


413  mid  415  Sansonic  si. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Hennery,   Eisuth  and   Krnnnan  streets. 

CLAU8  SPRE0KEL8 President 

3.  E.  8PREC&EL8    Vlce-Preident 

A.  E.  9PBE0KEL8 Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Fresidedt 
Office—  208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &    SON, 

115    MARKET    STREET,    8.    F. 


^OL.  10. 


yi  ?  3  5  o 


SAtrf/rf.o  />r  r/sf  .°asr 


VAgtwvse&.au  W0  -;■•>■  —.■-■■>  /2?f  T/r^vs/yf.vs/o//  7-¥/?W6//  rtff  tfj/cs  47~  Sf/rowo  a/?.ss  fflrss 


GRAY-O,         THE         MISSING         LINK. 

Captured  it.  the  Wilds  of  Guaymas.  and  Now  on  His  Way  to  the  Museum  at  San  Quentin. 


THE    WASP 


A    FATAL    FLAW  J     OR,     WILL     YOU     LOVE    ME 
WHEN     I'M     MOLED. 


Prologue. 

It  was  a  fearful  night.  The  blood-red  September 
sun  had  plunged  into  a  sea  of  fiery  billows,  and 
darkness,  unrelieved  by  a  solitary  gas  lamp,  had 
fallen,  like  a  fall  over  Maiden  moor.  Ebon  clouds 
obscured  the  pall  of  heaven  and  skurried  wildly 
westward,  as  if  in  mad  chase  of  the  last  car. 
Around  the  bastioned  walls  of  Plunkitipunk  Castle 
the  wind  shrieked  and  howled  like  a  soul  in  pain  or 
a  sand-lot  orator.  Without,  desolation  reigned 
supreme  ;  within,  the  electric  light  of  joy  burned 
with  2,000-candle-power,  for  to  the  home  of  Plunk - 
itiplunk  a  child  had  just  been  born. 

"  Tell  me,"  demanded  the  stately  Baron  de 
Plunkitiplunk,  of  Rose,  the  ancient  nurse,  "  Have 
my  prayers  at  last  been  answered  ?  " 

In  breathless  haste  replied  the  faithful  beldame  : 
' '  It's  a  girl,  and  such  a  beauty  :  Perfect  from 
head  to  heels,  except " 

"  Great  Heavens  !  Has  me  child  a  flaw  ? ,! 
The  voice  of  the  Baron  shook  with  emotion. 

"  It's  not  a  flaw,  sir — It's  a  mole,  sir — At  the 
base  of  the  neck,  sir,"  explained  the  agitated 
domestic. 

"  For  this  relief  much  thanks,"  ejaculated  the 
Baron,  quoting  his  favorite  poet,  "  Now  get  thee 
gone.  Attend  My  Lady's  wants."  Left  to  him- 
self he  prepared  to  retire  by  swallowing  his  night- 
cap. Then  thoughtfully,  he  thus  soliloquized ! 
"  0,  wise  precaution  of  Providence  1  There  might 
have  been  twins,  and  without  that  mole,  we  might 
have  mixed  them  up  !  " 


The  Story — Nineteen  Years  After. 
Chapter.  I. 
"  Oh,  Captain  !  " 

Out  on  the  stillness  of  a  warm  winter  evening 
floated  these  words,  in  tones  of  tender  trustfulness, 
from  the  cardinal  red  lips  of  the  beautiful  Lady 
Ida  Josephine,  as  she  raised  her  emerald  eyes  to 
meet  the  bronzed  and  weather-beaten  gaze  of  the 
noble  Captain  de  Montmorency  Gustavus  Smith. 
The  Vallejo  sun  had  just  sunk  into  the  hold  of 
the  Mimadnock,  that  rare  relic  of  the  days  of  the 
now  extinct  American  Navy,  and  the  golden  after- 
glow touched  with  its  mystic  light  the  chimneys 
and  battlements  of  Mare  Island.  The  spirit  of  the 
twilight  seemed  to  have  entered  the  souls  of  even 
the  bull  frogs  in  the  tules,  and  the  notes  of  their 
song  to  the  departing  day  were  pervaded  with  a 
gentle  melancholy  in  keeping  with  the  quiet  beauty 
of  the  scene. 

Chapter  II. 
Oh,  Oaptain  !  " 

It  was  not  one  of  the  green-waisted  denizens  of 
the  turbid  water  that  spoke.  Oh,  no.  As  was  re- 
remarked  in  the  last  chapter,  it  was  the  voice  of 
the  Lady  Ida  Josephine,  that  radiant  creature 
whose  smile  could  lure  a  man  through  Purgatory  or 
even  to  Petaluma.  Why  did  she  repeat  those 
words  so  fondly,  the  while  she  held  her  queenly 
head  tossed  backward  to  the  west,  and  scanned 
the  features  of  the  enraptured  Captain  De  Mont- 
morency Gust»vus  Smith  ?  Harken,  and  you  shall 
hear. 

That  morn  the  Lady  Ida  Josephine  had  arrived 
from  the  wilds  of  the  Western  Addition.  She  had 
left  the  seclusion  of  her  city  home  to  revel  for  a  day 
in  the  mad  whirl  of  Vallejo  life,  little  dreaming 
that  ere  returning  she  was  destined  to  experience  a 
shock  which  would  well  nigh  chill  the  marrow  in 
her  young  bones.  She  first  saw  that  veteran  of 
sea,  Captain  de  Montmorency  Gustavus  Smith,  at 
dinner.  As  she  opened  her  mouth  to  grasp  the 
flavor  of  a  fine  Humboldt  potato,  their  eyes  met, 
and  a  glance  of  mutual  love  flashed  across  the 
spoons  and  things  on  the  table  cloth. 

That  moment  sealed  her  fate.  For  him  she  then 
would  have  sacrificed  all  that  life  held  dear — bric- 
a-bric,  home,  friends,  aye,  even  her  native  land, 
and  gone  to  Saucilito  without  a  sigh.  He  had 
caught  on. 

The  fine  Humboldt  potato  fell  from  her  quiver- 
ing fork,  and  was  dashed  into  a  thousand  mealy 
morsels  on  her  plate. 

Chapter  in. 

"  Oh,  Captain  '.  " 

By  the  retrogressive  movement  peculiar  to  nove- 
lists and  crabs,  we  have  gradually  been  going  back- 
ward from  our  starting  point.  Let  us  return  to 
owr  muttons. 

As  the  shades  of  evening  (previously   described) 


descended  over  the  Navy  Yard  where  a  flock  of 
erstwhile  festive  rams  of  the  golden  fleece  lay 
peacefully  at  rest,  the  bold  Captain  de  Montmor- 
ency Gustavus  Smith  had  asked  the  gentle  Lady 
Ida  Josephine  to  sail  with  him  the  treacherous 
ocean  of  life.  As  he  spoke  the  words,  so  anxiously 
awaited,  his  voice,  to  her,  seemed  subtly  sweet, 
and  visions  of  voyages  on  Bwung  seas — of  strolls  on 
moonlit  tropic  shores,  of  palm-crowned  islands  and 
coral  reefs  baptized  with  silver  spray — filled  her 
heart  to  overflowing.  But  it  didn't  overflow.  She 
only  said  : 

"  Oh,  Captain  !  " 

Another  instant,  and  she  would  have  spoken  the 
words  necessary  to  seal  the  compact.  But  fate 
willed  it  otherwise. 

Chapter  IV. 

Glancing  downward,  the  expectant  Captain  De 
Montmorency  Gustavus  Smith  saw  that  the  top 
button  of  the  dainty  Lady  Ida  Josephine's  basque 
had  parted  from  its  moorings,  and  that  her  alabaster 
neck  was  exposed  just  five-eighths  of  an  inch  more 
than  it  had  been  before. 

Unhappy  chance  !  Fatal  Flaw  ! 

Down  like  an  avalanche  on  the  Twin  Peaks  or 
a  turkey  on  a  June  bug,  came  the  brawny  hand  of 
the  too-curious  Captain  de  Montmorency  Gustavus 
Smith,  and  clutched  the  snowy  throat  of  the 
couldn't-have-helped-it-if-she-tried  Lady  Ida  Jose- 
phine. 

One  wild,  unearthly  shriek,  one  sunset-defying 
blush,  once  convulsive  sob,  and  all  was  over. 

The  Lady  Ida  Josephine  had  fainted. 

Ere  she  returned  to  consciousness,  the  awfully- 
mistaken  Captain  de  Montmorency  Gustavus 
Smith  was  far  on  his  way  to  Milpitas. 

They  never  met  again,  save  as  strangers. 

MORAL. 

Never  catch  a  mole  for  a  June  bug. 

Jostin  Aueret. 
San  Francisco,  April  5,  188S. 


THEY    SAY. 


I  hold  that  a  railroad  charter  without  a  rea- 
sonable limit  to  charges  is  void.  The  road  is  not  a 
public  highway  if  the  managers  may  charge  what- 
ever they  please.  This  was  settled  as  early  as  1831 
in  the  first  great  railroad  case  that  ever  came  be- 
fore the  courts — the  case  of  Bonaparte  against  the 
Camden  &  Amboy  Railroad  Company.  To  say  the 
State  cannot  save  the  people  from  such  extortion 
and  fraud  is  to  utter  a  preposterous  absurdity. 
By  the  right  of  eminent  domain  the  State  always 
has  the  power  to  abate  a  monopoly.  You  can 
regulate  the  railroads  just  as  you  can  hack  drivers. 
The  opinion  of  Judge  Waite  in  the  case  of  Mann 
against  the  State  of  Illinois  is  unanswerable  and 
settles  that  point  completely.  Mr.  Gowen  says  the 
railroads  have  great  power  with  the  courts.  I  don't 
know  how  that  is,  but  really  they  are  weak  and 
powerless  in  any  issue  that  brings  them  before  the 
people.  For  every  millionaire  they  have  made  a 
thousand  paupers  ;  for  every  man  they've  done  a 
favor  to  they've  cheated  ten  thousand,  and  these 
are  the  thiogs  that  will  be  remembered  in  a  popu- 
lar issue. — Judge  Jere.  Black. 


Do  you  think  human  nature  has  improved  in  all 
these  thousands  of  years  1  Do  you  think  men  are 
really  any  wiser  or  better  or  stronger  than  they 
were  thousands  of  years  ago  ?  Take  your  Greek 
statue,  and  you  have  as  fine  an  expression  of  the 
human  face  as  you  can  fiDd  to-day.  Take. what  has 
come  down  to  us  of  their  eloquence,  of  their  gen- 
eralship and  you  will  find  them  not  inferior  to  the 
men  of  the  day.  Yet  their  civilization  perished  as 
civilizations  before  theirs  perished — torn  to  pieces 
by  forces  generated  by  the  growth  of  iniquity. 
And  the  same  question  is  being  presented  to  us 
now  in  this  century  as  it  was  presented  to  them. 
We  must  in  some  way  stop  the  progress  of  this 
equality  ;  we  must  find  some  way  of  coming  back 
to  the  natural  plane  or  we  will  be  overthrown.  All 
this  disquiet  which  moves  the  world  means  some- 
thing ;  it  means  that  the  time  is  almost  here — if  it 
has  not  already  come — when  our  civilization  must 
take  that  move  forward  or  go  down. — Henry  George. 


STEBBINS    VS.     GOD. 


strings  he  knew  to  get  a  government  appointment, 
and  finally  succeeded  in  being  appointed  Consul  to 
one  of  the  Phillipine  Islands.  He  went  to  his  con- 
sulate a  happy  man,  and  felt  that  he  was  fixed  for 
life.  Before  he  had  fairly  got  the  chair  warm  in 
his  office,  even  before  he  had  drawn  his  salary,  a 
hurricane  came  up  and  entirely  destroyed  the  Is- 
land, dumping  it  into  the  sea.  The  Consul  escaped 
in  a  small  boat,  and  with  his  faith  entirely  shaken 
in  Divine  providence  he  came  back  home  a  changed 
man.  He  seemed  to  think  that  a  Providence  that 
would  not  only  legislate  a  man  out  of  office,  but 
would  destroy  the  office,  was  too  mean  for  any  kind 
of  use,  and  until  the  day  of  his  death,  and  even 
after,  he  threw  his  whole  influence  against  Provi- 
dence. It  may  be  instructive  to  remark  that  Prov- 
dence  is  still  doing  business  at  the  old  stand,  which 
shows  how  weak  one  poor  man's  influence  is. — 
PecVs  Smx. 

THE  NIGGER  AND  THE  HOGS. 


Simon  Haymon,  a  well-known  Arkansaw  char- 
acter, tells  a  pathetic  story  in  regard  to  the  influ- 
ence of  the  hog.  An  old  nigger  man  dreams  that 
he  dies  and  goes  to  heaven.  "  Soon  as  I  got  dar," 
the  old  negro  goes  on,  "  I  looked  around  an'  seed  a 
mighty  heap  ob  niggers  settin'  about  the  groun's  a- 
waitin'  for  some  sort  ob  command." 

' ' '  Who  is  dis  '.'    asked  Gabriel,  lookin'  at  me. 

"  '  Sarvant  ob  de  lawd, '  said  I,  'come  ter  be- 
;zamined  at  de  great  bar.'  Den  de  Lawd  said,  '  Git 
down  dat  book  an'  see  how  de  brudder  Stan's  on 
swarin. '  '  Gabriel  tuck  down  de  book,  ran  through 
wid  it  an;  said  : 

"  '  He's  all  right  in  dis  book,  Lawd.' 

"  '  Git  down  dat  book  'bout  lyin','  an'  Gabriel 
got  down  de  book.  All  dis  time  I  knowed  dat  I 
was  all  right,  'case  I  was  squar'.  Mars'  Gabriel 
looked  all  ober  de  book,  an'  said  : 

"  'He's  all  right  heah,  Lawd.' 

"  Den  de  Lawd  said,  'Git  down  dat  book,  an'' 
less  see  how  he  stan's  wid  de  brudders  an'  sisters  in 
de  church.' 

"  Gabriel  got  down  de  book,  but  I  knowed  dat 
da  didn't  hab  nuthin'  agin  me  dar. 

"  '  All  right  heah,  Lawd,'    said  Gabriel. 

"  Den  de  Lawd  said  '  Fotch  out  dat  gold  crown 
an'  put  it  on  de  true  and  faithful  sarvant,  'cause- 
he's  stood  the  test. ' 

"  Da  fotch  out  de  crown,  an'  was  jist  in  de  ack 
ob  puttin'  it  on,  when  a  ole  nigger,  sittin'  away 
back,  called  out  : 

"  '  Lawd  yer  ain't  half  through  wid  dat  nigger 
yit.  Pull  'Mown  dat  hog  book  an'  see  how  h& 
stan's. ' 

"Den  I  knowed  I  was  gone." 


There  appears  to  be  nothing  so  harmless  as  an- 
autograph  album,  yet  I  notice  that  even  this  ap- 
parently innocent  thing  can  be  put  to  criminal. 
uBes.  This  was  shown  by  a  case  which  came  up 
ill  a  Canadian  Court  the  other  day.  A  young  man 
was  tried  on  an  indictment  accusing  him  of  writing 
over  the  name  of  J.  Taylor,  on  a  leaf  from  his. 
sister's  album,  a  promise  to  pay  $2,000.  He  ap- 
pears to  have  escaped  punishment  through  a  techni- 
cality, but  he  has  furnished  a  'warning  to  people 
who  are  too  ready  to  write  their  names  on  blank 
sheets  of  paper. 


The  New  York  editor,  Stebbins,  who  was  buried 
to  the  music  of  his  taste,  a  few  days  since,  may 
have  had  some  reason  to  doubt  if  there  was  a  God 
in  Israel.     It  seems,  years  ago,  he  worked  all  the 


While  the  guards  are  being  doubled  around  the 
palace  of  the  sultan,  and  the  most  experienced  safe- 
builders  are  employed  in  constructing  a  bed  cham- 
ber of  chilled  iron  for  the  Czar  that  cannot  be 
opened  without  a  knowledge  of  the  combination, 
the  gratifying  news  comes  that  the  Governor's 
guard  of  Ohio  is  to  be  disbanded.  How  tranquil 
and  secure  is  the  life  of  an  American  potentate  he- 
side  that  of  foreign  rulers  ! — (tin.  Sat.  Night. 

Tettibus  Lincoln  and  Garfield. 


A  lady,  returning  home  later  than  usual,  found 
her  little  girl,  three  years  old,  already  in  bed.  The 
latter  was  asked  :  "  Lillie,  have  you  said  your  pray- 
ers ?"  "  Yes."  "  Whom  did  you  say  them  to  f " 
"  There  wasn't  nobody  here  to  say  them  to,  so  I 
said  them  to  God." 


Autograph  of  a  cockney  in  a  lady's  album  ; 
"  Why  has  fate  ordained  that  two  such  different 
wordB  as  amity  and  atred  should  begin  with  the 
same  letter  1  " 


THE    WASP. 


AULD     LANG    SYNE. 


An  Old-Time  Luncheon  at  the  Bohemian  Club. 


The  lunch-fiend*,  with  instincts  like  carrion  crows. 
Assembling  at  noontide,  each  true  to  his  nose, 
Mount  gaily  the  stairs  that  conduct  to  the  feast 
All  loth  to  be  last,  and  all  hoping  at  least 
For  something  to  drink  and  a  little  to  eat— 
A  paunchful  of  sack  and  a  mouthful  of  meat. 
But  (strangely  enough)  the  first  fiend  to  appear 
Finds  no  one  to  talk  at  and  trembles  with  fear. 
Ah  he  gazes  dejectedly  round  and  round, 
Lest  he  be  left  lonely  to  start  at  the  sound 
Of  his  own  knife  and  fork,  and  his  new-laid  conceit 
Should  hatch  in  his  pocket  untimely  with  heat, 
Or  addle,  perchance,  ere  its  shell  he  can  crack  ; 
So  he  airs  it  in  silence  and  then  puts  it  back. 
But  humans  must  eat  if  they'd  flourish,  and— hark  ? 
They're  coming  like  animals  into  the  ark. 

First  enters  the  Doctor,  who's  just  charged  his  jury 
In  the  case  of  a  person  who,  top-full  of  fury, 
Has  been  so  unfair  as  to  chop  up  the  wife 
Of  biB  bosom— in  which  he  then  planted  a  knife. 

Omnes  ; 
Any  news  to-day,  Doctor  ?     Wer'e  anxious  to  hear. 

Sw-N  : 

Two  stiffs  and  one  hopeful,  without  much  to  fear, 

For,  six  balls  extracted,  I  left  plenty  more 

To  take  out  to-morrow,  or  when  it's  all  o'er. 

Come  in,  worthy  friend,  and  take  this  vacant  chair  : 

Here's  beef  in  abundance,  both  well  done  and  rare— 

As  juicy  as  slices  I  cut  from  the  round 

Of  the  "  floater  "  my  deputy  yesterday  found. 

How  like  you  this  porter  ?    'Tia  thick  as  a  clot 

Of  good  blood 

SH— : 

Thank  you  muchly  ;    I  rather  would  not. 
A  glass  of  wine  for  me's  the  best 
Although  they  say  it  spoils  my  reet. 
Come  gout,  come  pain— all's  one  to  me 
So  I  live  long  enough  to  see 
Keserved  Beats  at  the  public  play 
The  same  in  price  on  every  day. 
Make  room,  make  room,  there  comes  one  mors, 
Who's  been  a-peering  through  the  door 
For  half  an  hour,  or  more,  perhaps, 
In  hope  that  some  of  these  old  chaps 
Would  fill  their  maws  and  leave  the  place  j 
For  there  are  others  of  the  race 
Who  eat  to  live  or  live  to  eat, 
Whichever  phrase  to  you  aeeras  meet. 

TJng-b. 
Good  morning,  friends ;  I  trust  I'm  not  too  late. 
An  o.  p.,  Parker -which  I'm  proud  to  state, 
Means  outside  piece  ;  for  mark  you  I'm  a  judge 
Of  j.  b.— juicy  beef.      None  left  ?     O  fudge  ! 

B-RC-. 

I  thank  you,  friends,  for  keeping  me  the  chair 

Of  honor,  though  I  merit  it,  I  swear. 

It  is  a  seat  that  I  do  well  become. 

Who's  lately  writ  a  book  ?    I'm  told  that  some 

Of  you  have  done  so.     I  shall  criticize 

And  swear  all  good  tilings  he  did  plagiarize. 

What  is  the  argument  ?     Then  start  one  quick— 

This  silence  makes  me  desolate  and  sick  ! 

Where's  M-rsh-11,  B-rk-,  that  vile  disputer,St-l-? 

My  stomach's  out  of  sorts,  but  still  I  feel 

Able  to  prove  that  it  is  well,  or  ill. 

Only  deny  it,  some  one,  for  I  thrill 

And  burn  for  battle.     Come  B-rk-,  and  sit  by  me. 


B-rk-  ; 


I  hope  I  see  you 


B-BO-: 

If  you've  eyes  to  see. 
Hear  their  tongues  rattle  :  peas  in  a  dried  bladder  ! 
'Twould  drive  one  mad  ;   if  mad  already,  madder. 
Why  don't  you  say  'twould  make  one  die  ? 


B-rtK- 


Pray  why  ? 


Why,  don't  you  know  that  madder  is  a  dye  1 
Must  I  be  driven  to  downright  insanity 
Explaining  jokes  to  other  men's  inanity  ? 


M-BSH-LL  : 

That  word  is  good  and  makes  a  pretty  rhyme  ; 
Sling  it,  when  you've  the  chance,  a  Becond  time 

T-LD-N : 

Boy,  bring  Borne  beer— a  dozen  quarts  or  mor*. 


What  will  you  eat  ? 


BOY: 


T-LD-M  : 
Bring  beer,  or  never  Noah 
Knew  auch  a  flood  as  on  your  pate  I'll  pour 
Of  words,  ejaculation*  and  long  phrases— 
\  our  brain  will  ne'er  recover  from  its  crazes. 
Good  boy  !     I'll  put  you  in  my  will  ;  be  sure 
'Twill  make  you  famous,  and  'twill  keep  you  poor. 
O,  by  the  way,  I  heard  a  little  story 
While  on  the  street.    It  seems  a  man  named  Morey 

Was  going What?   The  rogues  have  all  cleared  out  1 

The  devil  take  them  !    Parker,  bring  some  stout. 

Good-bye  old  Owl;    you've    "caught  the  speaker's  eye," 

And  you  would  like  to,  but  you  cannot,  fly. 

If  you  could  laugh  I'd  tell  to  you  my  tale, 

But  since  you  can't— 'twill  keep.      Boy  bring  some  ale. 

St-l-  : 
I  enter  to  a  banquet  hall  deserted, 
It  looks  as  if  the  movement  was  concerted, 
For  all  have  left  the  victuals  they  were  gumming. 
Some  scoundrel  must  have  told  them  I  was  coming. 
-E.  S. 


THE     IMPORTED     DUDE, 


ADd  is  yonder  shore  our  destination  I  asked  a 
tall,  handsome  youth  of  Captain  Jim  Brooks,  of 
the  gallant  steamer  Petaluma. 

The  Captain  turned  his  quid,  gave  his  breeches 
the  true  nautical  hitch,  and  then  replied  in  a  low 
and  intense  voice  :   "  Shiver  my  timbers,  but  it  is. " 

"How  many  knots  do  you  calculate  we  are 
making  now,  Captain  ?  "  continued   the   stranger. 

The  Petahima  was  bounding  onward  like  a  thing 
of  life.  To  say  that  she  walked  the  waters  would 
be  a  libel.  She  ran  the  waters,  jumped  the 
waters,  sprang  over  the  waters,  and  though  off 
Goat  Island  when  the  stranger  spoke,  had  left 
Alcatraz  far  behind  ere  the  hardy  mariner  who 
steered  her,  had  framed  a  reply. 

"  We  are  now  going  nineteen  knots  and  a  half," 
said  Brooks  ;  and  Tom  Wosser,  the  engineer,  hear- 
ing the  remark,  blushed  a  rosy  red,  and  capsized 
his  oil  can  in  evident  confusion.  The  stranger 
paid  little  heed  to  this,  but  walked  forward  and 
surveyed  the  bold  shores  of  Marin  county. 

"  By  my  faith,"  he  said  bitterly,  "  they  did  well 
to  banish  me  to  Sausalito  for  a  trifling  flirtation 
with  a  minister's  daughter.  When  shall  I  see 
thesunny  hills  of  merry  England  again,  alas,  when  ?" 
And  Rupert  de  Smith  lit  his  meerschaum  and 
watched  in  moody  silence  the  preparations  for  land- 
ing. On  stepping  ashore  he  was  accosted  by  the 
Portuguese  Custom  House  officials  who  made  a 
cursory  examination  of  his  baggage,  and  having  a 
letter  of  introduction  to  the  American  Consul,  was 
shown  to  that  person's  residence,  which  occupied  a 
commanding  position  on  a  high  bluff. 

n. 

It  is  now  a  week  since  De  Smith  landed  in 
Sausalito,  on  what  he  considered  an  idle  mission, 
more  indeed  of  an  exile  than  a  mission.  Of  an 
aristocratic  English  family,  a  trifling  indiscretion 
with  the  curate's  daughter  led  to  his  banishment  to 
this  distant  land.  True  he  had  a  portfolio  from 
the  foreign  office,  and  his  instructions  were  to 
Anglicize  the  natives. 

"  They  are  in  a  condition  of  comparative  bar- 
barism, De  Smith,  my  boy,"  said  Mr.  Madstone, 
cordially.  "Why,  I  understand  there  are  only  two 
persons  in  the  settlement  who  can  say  "  By  Jove  " 
with  the  proper  inflection  ;  tell  them  all  you  know. 
Teach  them  to  be  dudes,  God  bless  you— a?«  atque 
vale"  and  the  Minister,  who  was  fond  of  Latin, 
shaking  De  Smith  cordially  by  the  hand,  bounced 
him  from  the  ante-room.  Madstone  was  right. 
Sausalito  at  the  period  of  De  Smith's  visit  was  but 
slowly  recovering  from  American  barbarism.  The 
influence  of  a  few  zealous  missionaries  from  Eng- 
land was  beginning  to  tell,  but  gradually.  The 
natives  were  slow  about  getting  the  "  By  Jove," 
though  some  of  the  more  intelligent  had  already 
learned  to  drop  the  h.  However,  they  were  wil- 
ling, and  heartily  detested  anything  American. 
Indeed,  so  sensitive  were  those  good   people   that 


three  dayB  ere  De  Smith's  visit  one  of  them  run 
amuck,  and  butchered  two  servants  of  the  Portu- 
guese Consul,  because  an  Albanian  oysterman  in- 
nocently remarked  that  he  thought  he  came  from 
the  State  of  Maine. 

But  De  Smith  perceived  that  there  was  yet  much 
to  be  done.  The  natives  unfortunately  had  not 
all  of  them  studied  from  the  best  models,  and  in 
forswearing  the  vile  barbarism  of  the  American 
tongue,  lnd  not  quite  caught  on  to  the  civilization 
of  England.  In  fact  though  there  were  a  few 
dudes  in  the  place,  they  were  not  the  genuine  dudes, 
nearly  all  of  them  being  slaves  to  stern  commercial 
masters  who  would  stand  no  dudism  on  the 
premises. 

III. 

When  those  dudes  first  saw  De  Smith,  the  real 
imported  dude,  in  his  lawn-tennis  knickerbockers 
and  Tarn  O'Shantcr  cap,',they  were  filled  with  ad- 
miration, not  unmixed  with  envy.  The  latter  feel- 
ing completely  disappeared  at  his  first  "  By 
Jay-o-o-o-ve  "  and  they  acknowledged  that  lie  was 
indeed  worthy  to  be  entrusted  with  the  English 
education  of  the  American  natives.  There  were  a 
few  of  the  latter  living  in  New  Sausalito  who  stuck 
to  the  faith  and  traditions  of  their  fathers,  and 
obstinately  refused  to  "  By  Jove,"  or  wear  outland- 
ish caps,  or  listen  to  any  stories  about  hunting  in 
the  shires,  or  to  be  anything  but  Americans. 

"  Why,"  said  those  obstinate  savages  "  should 
we  prance  about  in  this  fashion,  even  though  the 
Petaluma  is  the  only  connecting  link  between  our 
own  country  and  the  Anglicized  peninsula  ?  "  For 
this  they  were  treated  with  marked  contempt,  by 
the  docile  natives  .vho  cultivated  the  Mary-le-Bono 
drawl,  and  imitating  their  social  manners,  were 
sometimes  admitted  to  see  the  dudes  feed,  and 
were  made  much  of  all  around.  De  Smith's  first 
effort  was  at  the  "  By  Jove."  ^his  he  taught  by 
means  of  a  large  blackboard,  and  a  piano  in  a 
rudely  constructed  church  which  looked  seaward. 
The  natives  would  begin  thus  : 

De  Smith— By  Jo-o-o-ov-e  ! 

Natives  (chorus)— By  Jo-o-o,  ve! 

De  Smith — Now  altogether — By  Jay-o-o-o-o-o' ve ! 

Natives — By  Jay-o-o-o  ve  ! 

Thus  did  he  labor  with  the  natives  day  after  day, 
promoting  some,  and  censuring  others,  and  bring- 
ing all  the  other  dudes  effectually  into  camp.  He 
divided  the  new  territory,  placing  the  more  ad- 
vanced natives  on  the  hill,  the  less  intellectual 
further  down,  and  keeping  all  the  Americans  on  a 
reservation  on  a  mud  flat,  when  the  miasma  soon 
killed  them  off.  Once,  indeed,  he  was  seriously 
shocked  and  much  disheartened  on  learning  that 
some  of  the  moat  promising  pupils  had  purchased 
their  socks  from  American  dealers,  it  being  the  rule 
laid  down  by  De  Smith  that  all  neckties,  collars, 
etc.,  should  be  imported  from  England.  He  taught 
the  Portuguese  brass  band  to  play  "  The  British 
Grenadiers,"  and  the  Albanian  Serenade  Club  to 
sing  "  God  Bless  the  Prince  of  Wales."  In  the 
course  of  time  all  the  Americans  died  off,  or  were 
killed  by  the  airs  and  graces  of  the  regenerated 
natives,  and  Madstone  was  so  pleased  with  De 
Smith's  energy  that  he  made  him  Baron  of  Sausa- 
lito and  a  Knight  of  the  Order  of  Damphoolery. 
The  minister's  daughter  came  out  in  due  time,  and 
helped  her  noble  husband  in  the  "  By  Jove  " 
school.  By  the  importation  of  a  large  lot  of  Tam 
O'Shanter  caps,  and  knickerbockers,  which  were 
sold  to  the  natives  at  an  exorbitant  rate  De  Smith 
became  immensely  wealthy,  and  laid  the  founda- 
tion of  a  race  of  dudes  whose  habitation  shall  be  in 
Sausalito  for  all  time,  loved,  honored  and  imitated 
by  the  few  Americans  who  are  allowed  within  its 
limits. 


By  an  error  of  the  binder,  a  part  of  our  edition 
last  week  was  wrongly  put  together,  some  of  the 
pages  being  duplicated  and  others  omitted.  Sub- 
scribers and  purchasers  who  were  served  with  these 
imperfect  copies  will  please  accept  this  explanation 
as  an  apology  and  an  assurance  that  the  accident 
shall  not  occur  again  if  vigilance  can  prevent  it. 
The  binding  of  our  paper  is  not  done  in  our  estab- 
lishment, but  by  contract  with  a  house  that  has 
hitherto  been  distinguised  for  care  and  good  work- 
manship. 


We  fly  around  the  globe  like  a  rocket,  we  whisper  across 
continents  and  we  marry  the  oceans.  Dreamers  starve. — 
Examiner. 

Hush  my  dear ;  do  you  not  perceive  that  you  are 
waking  Mr.  Hearit  ? 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


APRIL    14,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  MO  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST..   BELOW    KEARNY.    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 
Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

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If  the  dynamite  bill  that  has  been  intemperately 
pushed  through  Parliament  should  prove  ineffectual; 
if  Irish  conspirators  on  American  soil  are  not  de- 
terred from  plotting  their  monstrous  crimes  against 
life  and  property  in  England  ;  if  the  major  part  of 
our  press  does  not  abandon  its  policy  of  complicity, 
it  is  not  improbable  that  we  may  find  ourselves  in- 
volved in  a  war  with  Great  Britain.  It  will  be 
useless  for  our  State  Department  to  plead  the  inade- 
quacy of  our  laws  to  prevent  American,  Irish  and 
Irish-American  scoundrels  from  carrying  on  these 
hateful  hostilities  against  the  people  of  a  friendly 
power — as  useless  as,  but  for  the  fact  that  we  had 
our  hands  full  of  war  at  home,  it  would  once  have 
been  for  the  British  Foreign  Office  to  urge  the 
same  plea  with  regard  to  the  fitting  out  of  Con- 
federate cruisers  in  English  ports.  We  answered 
then  that  the  defects  of  England's  local  laws  were 
no  fault  of  ours.  England  may  now  justly  make 
us  the  same  reply  ;  and  even  if  she  announce  her 
ultimatum  in  the  words  "  This  is  war,"  that  menace 
will  have  the  significance  of  being  copied  from  a 
dispatch  of  our  Minister  to  her  Foreign  Secretary. 
Ws  cannot  afford  to  forget  that,  while  the  political 
situation  is  reversed,  the  military  is  precisely  what 
it  was  then — the  advantage  all  on  the  side  of  Eng- 
land. With  sea- portB  undefended  ;  with  no  Navy 
and  no  ship-yards  ;  with  no  guns  and  no  foundries; 
the  building  of  war-ships  and  the  making  of  their 
armaments  lost  arts  ;  what  could  we  do  against  so 
formidable  a  power  as  Great  Britain,  her  warlike 
resources  inexhaustible,  her  hands  free  to  strike, 
and  thrice  armed  with  ajustquarrel  ?  If  consider- 
ations of  decency  are  powerless  to  induce  us  to 
crush  out  these  detestable  dynamite  conspiracies, 
let  us  at  least  be  moved  by  considerations  of 
prudence. 

It  is  estimated  by  competent  military  authority 
that  properly  to  arm  our  sea-board  forts  with  guns 
effective  against  modern  iron-clads  would  require 
no  less  than  three  years,  all  our  available  foundries 
running  night  and  day.  The  forts  themselves 
are  worthless-  Some  monitors  now  in  course  of 
construction  have  to  be  partly  made  in  England, 
as  neither  the  machinery  nor  the  trained  workmen 
exist  in  this  country.  When  these  ships  are  com- 
pleted they  must  be  armed  with  such  inferior  guns 
as  we  can  make,  or  we  must  import  them.  In  case 
of  a  war  with  England  that  power  would  at  once 
hermetically  seal  every  one  of  our  ports,  and  we 
should  have  to  rely  upon  resources  which  have  the 


disadvantage  of  not  existing,  and  which  it  would 
require  a  period  longer  than  the  duration  of  a  mod- 
ern war  to  create.  In  the  meantime  our  sea-board 
cities — San  Francisco,  guarded  by  Major-General 
Turnbull,  excepted — would  be  tumbled  about  our 
ears  and  the  national  capitol  again  laid  in  ashes. 
The  country  could  not  of  course  be  successfully  in- 
vaded, but  our  vital  parts  are  at  the  periphery. 
The  prospect  of  a  war  with  England  is  not  cheer- 
ful ;  nor  will  its  mischiefs  be  mitigated  by  the 
windy  valor  and  selfish  devotion  of  the  Irish  mal- 
contents in  whose  detestable  interest  it  will  have 
been  provoked.  The  spectacle  of  some  fifty  thous- 
and Irishmen  serving  the  country  of  their  adoption 
as  quartermasters  and  contractors  is  an  object  les- 
son that  can  be  more  profitably  imagined  than  wit- 
nessed. 


Mr.  Charles  Crocker,  who  has  been  by  turns  a 
Contract  and  Finance  Company,  a  Western  Devel- 
opment Company,  a  Pacific  Improvement  Company 
and  a  number  of  other  concerns — everything,  in- 
deed, but  a  Charles  Crocker — and  in  each  capacity 
has  done  business  for  nobody  but  the  Railroad  firm 
of  which  he  is  a  shining  light,  has  confessed  to  the 
Commissioners  that  he  is  now  the  Oakland  Water 
Front  Company.  Why,  this  man  takes  as  many 
shapes  as  Proteus  ;  and  like  that  slippery  divinity 
he  rivals  the  alert  flea  in  escaping.  He  has  the 
ring  of  Gyges  ;  he  is  invisible  at  the  point  where 
you  are  looking  for  him,  but  avert  your  eyes  to 
Beek  him  elsewhere  and  he  rears  his  vast,  offensive 
bulk  at  the  spot  where  your  gaze  had  been  most 
attentive.  In  the  light  of  past  events  Mr. 
Crocker's  denial  that  in  his  capacity  as  an  Oakland 
Water  Front  Company  he  has  anything  to  do  with 
the  Central  Pacific  Railroad  Company  is  seen  to  be 
one  of  those  fairy  fancies  which  the  coarse  of 
speech  denominate  a  "  whopper. "  It  is  as  a  whole 
Water  Front  Company  that  he  prefers  to  cut  the 
purse  of  Oakland  ;  but  he  pockets  the  contents  as 
the  undivided  one-third  of  a  Railroad  Company. 


When  Mr.  Crocker — as  a  Contract  and  Finance 
Company,  we  believe — was  building  the  Central 
Pacific  Railroad  for  the  bondholders,  he  says,  he 
would  have  sold  his  contract  for  a  clean  shirt  ; 
though  if  our  memory  serves  us  he  had  not  at  that 
time  learned  the  use  of  one  ;  but  he  admits  that  he 
would  not  now  dispose  of  his  interests  at  that  price, 
because  he  has  several  clean  shirts.  He  probably 
has,  but  the  number  certainly  never  includes  the 
one  he  happens  to  be  wearing.  We  venture-to  re- 
mind him,  however,  that  any  number  of  clean 
shirts  do  not  constitute  a  gentleman.  Noting  Mr. 
Crocker's  characteristically  coarse  boast,  one  is  re- 
minded of  how  Thackeray  sets  up  one  of  England's 
gorgeous  sovereigns  and  strips  him  of  one  rich  gar- 
ment after  another,  and  when  all  are  removed 
finds — nothing  !  The  glittering  potentate  was  the 
creature  of  the  court  tailor  and  haberdasher.  This 
railway  king  is  more  frank  than  "  the  first  gen- 
tleman of  Europe  " ;  for  his  existence,  and  the  glory 
thereof,  he  gratefully  acknowledges  his  indebted- 
ness to  his  laundress. 


If  it  be  thought  that  this  kind  of  comment  is 
unfair  we  must  beg  the  reader  to  observe  that  cf 
all  the  Railroad  malefactors  Mr.  Crocker  is  alone 
the  object  of  it.  Messrs.  Stanford  and  Hunting- 
ton have  some  of  the  outward  and  visible  character- 
istic of  gentlemen — enough  to  command  our  seri- 
ous attention  to  their  sins.  We  accord  them  the 
civil  consideration  due  to  all  who  cheat  with  pro- 
priety and  lie  in  good  English.  But  this  Crocker- 
person  is  the  clown  of  controversy,  to  be  answered 
according  to  his  folly.  His  absurdest  caper  cannot 
move  us  to  gravity.  Against  his  wildest  and  most 
comical  sallies  we  oppose  the  proof-armor  of  an  in- 


vincible good  humor.  His  jests  may  make  the 
angels  weep,  but  we  shall  not  accord  them  that 
recognition.  There  are  humorists  who  affect  ua 
with  a  tender  gloom  and  a  sweet  seriousness,  but 
this  one  has  not  that  honor.  Indeed,  he  has  not 
any  honor  at  all. 


We  intimated  a  purpose  last  week  of  showing 
the  entire  illegality  of  Professor  Welcker's  exclusion 
of  Chinese  children  from  the  public  schools,  but 
find  that  a  refutation  of  his  arguments  seriatim 
would  require  more  space  than  they  are  worth.  He 
bases  his  action  on  two  articles  of  the  State  con- 
stitution. One  of  these  declares  that  a  "  general 
"  diffusion  of  knowledge  and  intelligence  being 
"  essential  to  the  preservation  of  the  rights  and 
' '  liberties  of  the  people,  the  Legislature  shall  encour- 
' '  age  by  all  suitable  means  the  promotion  of  intellec- 
"  tual,  scientific,  moral  and  agricultural  improve- 
"  ment."  TheChinese,  he  says,  are  not  the  people; 
"  therefore  "  they  are  not  included.  But  how, 
then,  can  the  diffusion  of  knowlege  be  ' '  general "  1 
And  what  has  the  Superintendent  of  Public  In- 
struction to  do  with  a  mandate  to  the  Legislature  I 
The  other  article  on  which  he  relies  says  :  "  The 
11  presence  of  foreigners  ineligible  to  becomecitizens 
"  of  the  United  States  is  declared  dangerous  to  the 
"  well-being  of  the  State  "  (which  would  seem  to 
justify  Professor  Welcker  in  pelting  the  wife  of  an 
English  tourist)  "  and  the  Legislature  shall  discour- 
"  age  their  immigration  by  all  the  means  within  ite 
"  power" — obviouslyincluding  assassination.  With 
regard  to  this  command  also,  the  Professor  appears 
to  have  merged  his  identity  in  that  of  the  Legis- 
lature, and  to  consider  these  twain  one  flesh.  He 
says  that  • '  to  admit  Mongolian  children  to  the 
' '  schools  "  "  would  directly  and  enormously  encour- 
"  age  their  immigration."  Of  course  it  is  not  desir- 
able to  hold  out  such  a  glittering  lure  as  a  common- 
school  education  to  swamp  the  State  in  a  shoreless 
sea  of  Chinese  children  ;  but  Professor  Welcker,  if 
he  is  really  the  Legislature,  might  have  been  sup- 
posed to  have  heard  of  the  restriction  act.  As  to 
the  expediency  of  permitting  the  Chinese  children 
already  here  to  grow  up  in  barbarous  ignorance, 
their  parents  and  Professor  Welcker,  having  the 
same  degree  of  intelligence,  appear  to  cherish  the 
same  opinion. 

The  Supervisors  never  appeared  to  better  advan- 
tage than  on  last  Monday  evening  when  gracefully 
backing  out  of  an  imaginary  treasury,  each  rubbing 
a  nose  that  had  been  smartly  rapped  by  the  Mayor's 
veto.  They  crayfished  out  of  their  thieves'  para- 
dise, grinning  unanimously  and  with  marked 
vraisemblame,  frankly  confessing  that  honesty  was 
their  only  vice  and  punishment  their  greatest 
pleasure.  They  desired  access  to  five  hundred 
thousand  dollars,  but  this  opportunity  to  procure  it 
otherwise  than  by  borrowing  the  money  was  just 
what  they  had  been  yearning  for  ever  since  they 
induced  the  Legislature  to  authorize  the  transac- 
tion. Mayor  Bartlett  has,  we  suppose,  some  secret 
art  of  suasion,  inhering  in  his  manner,  for  we  are 
not  aware  that  he  adduced  any  arguments  against 
the  legality  and  expediency  of  the  bond  proposition 
that  had  not  been  urged  before  a  majority  of  these 
gentlemen  embraced  it.  Anyhow,  Ms  disapproval 
had  a  singularly  enlightening  effect  on  their 
clouded  understandings  ;  his  objection  was  as  con- 
vincing as  the  kick  of  a  mule.  The  deference  ac- 
corded to  this  puny  mortal,  squeaking  a  veto  from 
his  little  eminence,  seems  certainly  very  remarkable 
when  contrasted  with  Sinai's  ineffectual  thunders 
and  the  unheeded  horrorsof  the  injunction  "  Thou 
shalt  not  steal  ! 


For  President,    John   L.    Sullivan. 
President,  Professor  Harry  Maynard. 


For  Vice 


THE     WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


He  would  be  a  fool  who  having  read  Mr.  Henry 
George  should  deny  to  him  the  power  of  putting 
his  ideas  into  the  singularly  affective  language  that 
passes  with  most  minds  for  demonstration.  Nor  is 
it  to  be  lightly  affirmed  that  his  book  entitled 
|  Progress  and  Poverty"  is  not  in  many  respects  a 
notable  work.  This  much  may  be  conceded  with- 
out touching  the  question  of  ita  value  as  an  original 
contribution  to  the  world's  knowledge  ;  but  when 
a  writer  in  the  Examiner  asserts  that  "  no  work  of 
the  last  fifty  years  has  so  slirred  thought,  or  caused 
more  adverse  judgment,"  he  must  be  remined  that 
he  is  here  not  upon  debatable  ground— that  this  is 
not  a  matter  of  opinion.  I  will  mention  two  books 
which  this  enlightened  critic  seems  not  to  have 
heard  of— "  Uncle  Tom's  Cabin"  and  ltThe  Ori- 
gin of  Species."  To  compare  the  effect  of  Mr. 
George's  work  with  the  stupendous  political  up- 
heaval that  followed  the  one,  and  the  amazing  in- 
tellectual revolution  that  was  produced  by  the  other, 
is  like  drawing  a  parallel  between  the  gastric  dis- 
turbance provoked  by  a  green  cucumber  and  the 
colossal  tumult  generated  by  the  marriage  of  two 
Seidlitz  powders  at  the  wrong  end  of  the  gullet. 


Heaven  in  its  infiinite  mercy  afflicts  us  with 
lightning,  pestilence,  dogs,  earthquakes,  dudes  and 
fleas— and  that  is  all  right.  From  woman  we  en- 
dure treachery,  bangs,  love,  gusts  of  penitence, 
Kate  Castleton  bonnets  and,  on  occasion,  murder — 
and  we  do  not  complain.  Man  scourges  us  with 
needless  introductions— and  we  kick;  that  is  to 
Bay,  I  kick.  Good  friends,  kind  friends,  sweet 
friends,  most  inconsiderate  and  probably  malicious 
friends,  I  do  beseech  ye  to  don't.  For  the  love  of 
heaven,  let  it  be  your  study  to  don't  as  hard  as  ever 
you  can.  I  have  been  introduced  to  seven  thousand 
and  five  hundred  men  in  this  town  ;  I  say  good 
morning  to  twenty-two.  Snakes  alive  !  do  you 
think  I  suffer  for  acquaintances  ']  I  suffer  from 
them.  May  the  devil  eat  my  hand  if  I  do  not  wish 
them  all  sealed  within  the  iron  hills  or  chucked 
into  caverns  measureless  to  man  ! 


Seriously,  among  the  countless  small  annoyances 
that  make  life  insupportable,  I  know  of  none  so  ex- 
asperating as  the  senseless  custom  of  needless  and 
irrational  introductions.  You  cannot  stop  to  speak 
to  a  friend  in  the  street  but  straightway  he  intro- 
duces you  to  the  man  he  happens  to  be  talking 
with.  When  he  imparts  the  information  that  your 
name  is  Smith  and  the  other  man's  Jones,  it  never 
occurs  to  him  that  you  knew  one  half  of  it  before 
and  did  not  wish  to  know  the  other  half  ;  that  pos- 
sibly you  may  have  a  preference  as  to  whom  you 
shake  hands  with  ;  that  perhaps  you  and  Jones 
already  know  and  loathe  one  another ;  that  your 
memory  has  limits,  and  that  the  next  time  you  and 
Jones  meet  he  will  probably  insist  on  recognition, 
and  not  getting  it,  will  avenge  the  slight  by  dis- 
seminating slanders  about  you.  It  does  not  occur 
to  your  "  damned  good  natured  friend,"  in  short, 
that  he  has  executed  a  master-piece  of  ill-bred  im- 
pertinence, and  that  his  crime  is  aggravated  by 
good  intentions. 


If  the  "  chance  introduction  " — may  its  inventor 
be  twisted  with  an  internal  pang  ! — had  no  future, 
no  career  before  it  ;  if  it  were  in  the  nature  of  a 
ball-room  presentation  or  an  egg-distended  lady 
salmon,  perishing  in  serving  its  purpose  ;  if  it  had 
a  purpose,  it  could  be  suffered  in  silence.  But  the 
fellow  to  whom  you  are  introduced  has  always  a 
prodigious  memory.  If  he  "cannot  remember 
names"  (God  bless  him  for  that  !)  he  "  never  for- 
gets a  face  "  ^cuise  lam  1)  aad  h&  is  just  veatnuig 


for  companionship.  He  will  sit  up  all  night  in 
order  to  waylay  you  the  6rst  thing  in  the  morning. 
If  you  don't,  or  won't,  recall  the  previous  meeting, 
he  will  ask  you  to  expose  your  memory  while  he 
points  out  in  its  rogues'  gallery  the  spot  where  his 
ugly  image  ought  to  be.  After  this  scene  has  been 
enacted  eight  or  ten  times  he  will,  aa  above  inti- 
mated, begin  to  aver  all  over  town  that  you  stole 
his  grandmother's  blue  pig. 


There  is  another  evil  entailed  by  "chance  intro- 
ductions." You  have  at  some  time,  doubtless, 
been  so  introduced  to  a  man  whom  you  really 
wished  to  know — about  once,  probably  ;  and  have 
ever  thereafter  hated  him  with  a  noble  and  vigor- 
ous antipathy  worthy  of  a  better  foundation— a 
high,  divine  and  sacred  abhorrence,  proof  alike 
against  the  blandishments  of  merit  in  him  and  the 
castigating  suasion  of  your  own  conscience.  The 
chance  introducer  has  served  you  with  the  dish 
you  wanted— and  has  thrust  the  dirty  pad  of  his 
officious  thumb  in  it.  Away  with  him  to  the 
headsman's  block  ! 


One  day  in  strolling  round  the  town, 
Jabesha  Dunn  met  Junkus  Brown, 
Who  grinned  and,  stretching  out  his  hand, 
Said  "  Howdy  do?"  in  accents  bland. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  coldly  spake 
The  victim  of  the  threathened  shake. 

"  Aha  !  "  cried  Brown,  with  smile  and  smirk, 
The  while  his  paw  got  in  its  work  ; 

"  It  seems,  my  friend,  that  I  have  got 
The  advantage  of  you,  have  I  not  ?  " 

"  Quite  otherwise,"  said  Dunn.     "  'Tis  true 
You  know  me,  but  I  don't  know  you  I  " 


Mr.  Dunn  has  a  few  friends  whose  tact  and  dis- 
cretion he  is  glad  to  entrust  with  the  liberty  of 
presenting  him — even  by  chance — to  men  of  similar 
intelligence  and  congenial  tastes  ;  who  will  make 
few  mistakes  and  most  of  them  on  the  right  side  ; 
who  will  not  consider  the  circumstance  of  two  men 
entering  the  same  saloon,  having  been  born  be- 
tween the  same  parallels  of  latitude,  or  being  en- 
dowed with  the  same  number  of  arms  and  legs,  a 
reason  why  they  should  know  one  another.  If 
Mr.  Dunn,  sorely  tried  by  the  affliction  of  superflu- 
ous acquaintances,  should  ever  exalt  his  voice  in 
deprecation  of  universal  introductions  the  withers 
of  these  judicious  friends  will  be  unwrung.  Nay, 
they  will  thank  him  for  uttering  from  a  full  heart 
the  sentiments  burdening  their  own.  And  of  Mr. 
Dunn's  acquaintances — those  iutroduced  by  chance 
— there  will  be  a  worthy  few  who,  consciously  un- 
related to  his  wrath,  are  unaffected  by  his  cursing. 
But  if  it  should  happen  that  any  luckless  wight  of 
this  latter  category  is  dubious  as  to  his  personal 
share  in  the  malediction,  it  would  be  wise  in  him 
to  give  Dunn  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  and  stop 
speaking  to  him.  And  now,  friends,  acquaintances, 
bores,  enemies,  and  strangers  not  classified,  I  am 
Dunn. 


Some  more  long-felt  wants,  if  you  please.  A 
barber- shop  which  you  can  enter  to  speak  with  one 
of  a  dozen  waiting  customers  without  being  "  next. " 
A  bootblack-stand  with  a  vacant  chair  and  no  Po- 
lice Gazette.  A  shop-keeper  that  will  let  you  alone 
till  you  ask  for  something.  An  acquaintance  who 
doesn't  know  what  kind  of  weather  we  are  having. 
An  asylum  for  nice  fellows. 

There  would  appear  to  be  a  prevalent  opinion  in 
the  domain  of  medical  education  that  the  dead 
body  of  an  Oakland  girl  is  anybody's  body.  The 
fallacy  of  this  cheerful  hypothesis  may  not  be  ap- 
parent in  the  gloom  of  a  Mountain  'View  moonless 
Biiiduiflkt,  but)  it  will  perhaps  be  so  obvious  in  the 


fierce  light  that  beats  upon  the  bald  head  of  a 
medical  professor  in  the  prisoner's  dock  that  no- 
body will  be  found  willing  to  confess  that  he  ever 
held  it.  The  anatomy  of  an  Oakland  girl  is  cer- 
tainly a  legitimate  subject  of  inquiry,  and  an  in- 
teresting study,  but  it  has  not  hitherto  been  thought 
that  nothing  but  death  could  remove  the  obstacles 
encountered  in  its  investigation. 


Enameline  Paleontologie  Sloan 

Had  two  kinds  of  blood  in  her  veins  : 

For  her  pa  as  a  person  <^f  fashion  was  known, 
And  her  ma  as  a  person  of  brains. 

Divided  allegiance,  therefore,  she  held  : 

Society  claimed  half  her  heart ; 
The  other  to  Science  was  strongly  impelled— 

She  gave  the  remainder  to  Art. 

When  Science  one  day  had  quite  mastered  her  mind 

She  read  that  the  Missing  Link, 
With  a  hairy  pelt  and  a  tail  behind, 

Could  be  seen  at  a  neighboring  rink. 

The  Spirit  of  Science  asserted  its  sway 

At  Paleontologie's  call  ; 
She  hastened  to  Krao's  blue-stocking  soiree, 

Declining  to  go  to  a  ball. 

Arrived  at  the  door,  she  was  forced  by  tho  npell 

Of  the  Spirit  of  Fashion  to  stop  ; 
As  Paleontologie  weakened  and  fell, 

Enameline  got  upon  top. 

She  pulled  out  a  visiting  card  from  her  case. 

With  name  and  address  and  all, 
And  said  to  the  showman  that  guarded  the  place  : 

"  Miss  Krao"— and  stood  in  the  hall. 

That  affable  gentleman  gravely  replied  : 

"  My  lady'll  receive  you  Boon  : 
She  is  dressing  for  company— getting  inside 

Of  the  skin  of  a  gros-grain  baboon." 


The  Military  Order  of  the  Loyal  Legion  of  the 
United  States  has  caused  to  be  published  an  epi- 
tome of  those  provisions  of  its  constitution  relating 
to  membership.  It  appears  that  the  first  qualifica- 
tion is  "  a  firm  belief  and  trust  in  Almighty  God  ; 
extolling  Him  under  whose  beneficent  guidance  the 
sovereignty  and  integrity  of  the  Union  were  main- 
tained. "  As  time  rolls  on,  history  clarifies  itself  ; 
it  is  now  widely  believed  that  the  preservation  cf 
the  Union  was  largely  due  to  the  beneficent  guid- 
ance of  Almighty  Grant.  Would  it  not  be  well  for 
the  Military  Order  so  to  alter  its  constitution  as 
to  bring  it  into  accordance  with  the  later  belief. 
That  would  at  least  have  this  advantage  ;  it  would 
not  encourage  religious  hypocrisy  ih  candidates  for 
membership. 


The  Loyal  Legion  is  mainly  composed  of  officers 
and  soldiers  of  the  civil  war.  If  these  gentlemen 
have  now  any  very  lively  sense  of  the  goodness  and 
greatness  of  Almighty  God  it  must  be  due  to  their 
advancing  age  ;  as  I  had  the  honor  to  know  them 
when  they  were  under  the  "  beneficent  guidance," 
they  were  about  the  hardiest  blasphemers  that  ever 
loaded  their  lungs  with  power-smoke  and  dis- 
charged it  as  oaths.  As  for  "  trust  "  in  the  Deity, 
I  remember  they  had  a  good  deal  more  of  it  when 
the  enemy  was  retiring  than  when  he  was  standing 
his  ground.     I  felt  that  way  myself. 

Here  are  two  head-lines  from  the  Motiving  Gall : 

THE  NATIONAL  GUARD. 

What   Will    Be    the    Effect    of    LvoREAsxyo 
the    Force. 


The  effect  will  be  an  identical  note  from  all  the 
European  Powers,  begging  Major-General  Walter 
Turnbull  to  accept  the  assurance  of  their  distin- 
guished consideration,  and  their  sincere  deeke  fcfr 
mm  btfetteive  aaii  Uelwusi v*u  aiiiancte. 


n 


THE    WASP 


VENGEANCE, 


Sate  a  fair  and  stately  maiden 

At  the  play, 
And  the  hat  she  was  arrayed  in, 
With  its  crimson  feathers  laden- 
It  was  gay  ! 

Oh  !    Its  many  ribbons  fluttered 

In  the  air, 
While  the  man  behind  her  muttered 
And  with  every  word  he  uttered 

Was  a  swear  ! 

Then  uprose  the  ready  curtain 

On  the  stage, 
And  our  hero  was  uncertain 
If  an  angry  word  he'd  blurt  in, 

In  a  rage, 

Or  endure  the  huge  obstruction 

To  the  eye, 
And  without  an  introduction 
Try  to  offer  some  instruction 

On  the  sly. 

As  indignantly  he  eyed  it ; 

At  his  feet 
Flopped  a  ribbon  ;  when  he  spied  it 
He  seized  it  and  he  firmly  tied  it 

To  the  seat. 

Then  he  sat  in  expectation , 

Full  of  glee, 
And  in  fiendish  exultation 
At  the  scene  of  devastation 

He  should  see. 

And  when  she  rose  demurely 

Came  a  yell ! 
For  the  hat  was  on  securely, 
And  the  people  thought  she  surely 

Was  unwell. 

But  the  hair  pins  couldn't  stand  it, 

And  in  spite 
The  depraved  and  wicked  bandit 
Who  malignantly  had  planned  it 

Grinned  delight. 

For  her  hair  stuck  to  the  bonnet  ] 

Like  a  vise — 
Left  her  head  with  nothing  on  it 
And  the  people  gazed  upon  it 
>■■      In  surprise. 

Did  her  sorrow  agitate  her 

All  the  while  ? 
Did  she  wish  the  cruel  traitor 
At  the  bottom  of  a  crater  ? 

I  should  smile. 


San  Francisco,  April  10, 1S8S. 


— Btsshe. 


SPREADING     THE     LIGHT, 

We  have  received  a  circular,  or  "prospectus," 
of  what  seems  to  be,  or  seems  to  be  about  to  he,  a 
hook  entitled,  or  at  least  expounding,  "  the  Gospel 
of  Reason."  The  circular  begins  with  this  dis- 
quieting menace  : 

The  Gospel  of  Season  is  expected  to  have  an  effect  like 
a  terrible  earthquake,  that  will  shake  to  pieces  sectarian- 
ism, and  rattle  down  the  corrupt  political  institutions.  It 
will  make  havoc  like  the  most  destructive  bombshell 
charged  with  dynamite,  where,  in  all  directions,  the  flying 
missiles  will  strike  the  final  blows  at  the  wrong  order  of 
things. 

We  do  not  see  how  all  these  disagreeable  things 
are  to  be  done  by  the  forthcoming  work,  for  they 
have  been  already  done  by  various  communications 
in  our  columns  by  amateur  writers  zealous  for  a 
ohange  in  the  appointed  order  of  the  universe  or  a 
repeal  of  some  mischievous  law  of.  nature.  As  a 
rule,  we  have  been  too  busy  to  observe  the  phe- 
nomena attending  their  accomplishment,  but  the 
writers  of  the  communications  commonly  assure  us 
in  private  notes  that '  something  of  kind  will  un- 
doubtedly result  if  we  print  their  screeds  in  our 
noble  and  influential  journal,  and  something  a  good 
deal  worse  if  we -don't.  It  is  to  be  presumed  they 
have  occurred  until  they  are  tired  of  occurring.  In 
that  case,  the  Gnspeler  of  Reason  can  hardly  have 
got  on  to  a  racket  thai  will  rake  the  pot  again. 


We  shall  contemplate  the  spreading  of  his  gospel 
with  the  easy  unconcern  of  a  hawk  at  an  earth- 
quake. 

The  kind  of  Gospel  that  is  about  to  be  uncaged 
is  dimly  intimated  as  follows  : 

Like  the  different  tunes  brought  in  harmony  produce 
the  delicious  music  to  man's  delight,  so  will  cursing,  vul- 
garity and  profanity  be  freely  indulged  in  to  make  bless- 
ings, decency  and  sacredness  the  greater,  higher  and  more 
sublime  to  the  greater  honor  and  praise  of  the  Allwise 
and  Alljust  Ruler  of  the  Universe,  and  the  happiness  of 
men. 

That's  the  boss  method,  without  a  shadow  of 
doubt.  Other  Gospelers  have  been  too  mealy- 
mouthed  about  these  matters  ;  they  have  talked 
attar  of  roses  and  written  as  if  they  had  both 
hands  full  of  eggs.  What  the  people  want  is  a  man 
with  an  exhaustless  vocabulary  of  Bwear-words  and 
a  real  nasty  pen,  to  shake  'em  up  lively  and  wrench 
their  thoughts  away  from  their  business.  Why, 
even  the  police  are  just  yearning  for  this  chap  to 
turn  loose. 


THE     COLLEGIATE     MUSE, 


The  schoolmaster  is  abroad  and  again  we  are 
attacked  by  the  literary  efforts  of  the  Berkeleyan 
youngling.  These  certainly  make  one  doubt  the 
wisdom  of  allowing  the  aforesaid  instructor  to  spoil 
somanyornaments  to  the  stone-breaking  profes.-ion, 
and  turn  loose  the  abortive  result  upon  an  already 
ailing  public.  The  volume  containing  this  metrical 
rubbish  is  called  "  Blue  and  Gold  " — why,  no  one 
knows — and  it  is  rumored  that  the  editors  and  con- 
tributors are  to  be  rendered  unconscious,  by  haviDg 
the  contents  read  to  them,  and  then  enameled, 
so  as  to  be  in  keeping  with  the  picturesque  title. 
The  opening  pages  of  this  work  produce  the  im- 
pression that  the  Greek  language  wras  invented  for 
the  especial  purpose  of  furnishing  names  to 
mysterious  college  societies,  and  Berkeley  (or  as 
our  rhythmical  friends  felicitously  write  it  '*  Bark- 
alee  ")  is  not  behind,  for  they  have  more  than  a 
dozen  such  dark  and  bloody  conspiracies,  all  more 
or  less  handicapped  with  titles  like  "Kappa Kappa 
Gamma,"  "  Beta  Theta  Pi,"  etc.  The  latter  is 
supposed  by  the  unlearned  to  be  Greek  for  "  Beef- 
steak pie." 

Until  these  societies  took  to  manufacturing 
malignant  verses  they  were  harmless  and  inoffen- 
sive, remarkable  chiefly  for  bottled  beer  and  bad 
singing.  It  seems,  however,  they  have  wandered 
from  this  their  legitimate  sphere  and  the  present 
volume  iB  the  result.  They  should  be  suppressed 
at  once,  as  the  following  extract  will  demonstrate  : 

You  needn't  make  so  great  a  din. 
What  Noble  have  you  with  you  now  ? 
Heu  !  from  his  blooming  nose  and  brow 
It  must  the  fearless  cutter  be  ! 
I'm  right,  I'm  right  !  'tis  he,  'tis  he, 
The  bloated  blood  of  Barkalee  ! 
This  busting  buster  is  Badlee. 

The  fine  frenzy  which  produces  such  violent 
rhymes  as  these  Bhould  be  encouraged  by  throwing 
the  patient  down  an  old  well.  Btsshe. 


THE     DEATH-BED, 


Last    Words    of     Our    Late    Contemporaries. 


The  professor  was  lecturing  on  "  After  Man — 
What  !  "  A  listener  remarked  that  it  was  gener- 
ally the  Sheriff  or  some  woman. 


"  The  upper  part  of  a  ball  dress  should  be  edged 
with  lace."  Nonsense!  A  ball  dress  has  no  upper 
part. 


At  a  prominent  theatre  a  young  actress  was  re- 
called. She  had  been  playing  the  title  role  of 
"  Satan's  Daughter,"  and  when  she  reappeared  a 
stentorian  voice  asked  :  "  Is  the  old  roan  here  to- 
night !  " 


The  Philadelphia  Progress  says  of  Easter  cards  : 
"  For  the  girl  who  serves  in  an  ordinary  flirtation 
a  card  worth  at  the  most  §3  is  sufficient.  Cards 
for  husbandB  to  give  to  their  wives  may  be  had 
from  a  few  pennies  up.  To  present  to  other  gen- 
tlemen's wives  the  §50  variety  is  recommanded. 
These  latter  must  not  be  delivered  by  postman,  but 
by  private  messenger  at  the  lady's  residence  during 
business  hours." 


O  song  bird  of  the  bleak  and  barren  North,  turn 
tail  upon  the  base,  ungrateful  weather  of  your  icy 
home  and  hie  thee  fondly  to  the  balmly  South.  In 
these  bland  airs  an  everlasting  verdure  waits  for 
you.  On  tropic  woodshed  summits  you  may  moult 
your  wing  and  give  it  to  the  sweet  south  wind  by 
day  ;  at  nightfall  you  may  serenade  the  languorous 
moon  without  your  mittens  or  your  overcoat." 


"  Jane,  light  the  gas."  "  PleaBe,  sir,  the  gas  is 
lit."  "  Oh,  so  it  is.  Well,  bring  in  a  candle  ;  my 
gas  bill  has  just  come  in  and  I  want  to  look  over  it. " 


A  division  of  labor — It  is  said  that  one  set  of 
harbor  thieves  plunder  the  harbor  while  another  set 
harbor  the  plunder. 

"  Feel  bad  to  think  I  put  that  faro  chip  in  the 
contribution  box  by  mistake  ?  "  said  the  Louisville 
man.  ' '  I  reckon  I  do.  That  was  a  $5  chip  and 
they'll  go  and  get  it  cashed  and  get  S5  out  of  me, 
when  I  only  intended  to  give  them  50  cents." 


The  spring  poet  is  in  full  song,  as  the  following 
sample  from  a  New  Orleans  paper  shows  :  "  Come, 


The  Chinese  have  no  word  that  is  equivalent  to 
to  hell  and  no  conception  of  such  a  place.  A  mis- 
sionary in  an  agricultural  district  of  China  states 
that  when  he  tried  to  explain  it  the  people  asked 
if  it  was  anything  that  could  be  raised.  He  might 
have  answered  that  it  was — very  often. 

A  Pittsburg  girl  who  had  refused  a  goodlook- 
ing  telegraph  repair  man  three  times  within  six 
months,  gave  as  a  reason  that  he  was  too  much  of  a 
wanderer — that  he  roamed  from  pole  to  pole, 
from  one  climb  to  another,  and  if  he  did  come  home, 
he'd  be  insulate  that  the  neighbors  would  be  sure 
to  talk. 


Professor  Young,  of  Princeton  College,  says  : 
"  Take  a  railroad  from  the  earth  to  the  sun,  with  a 
train  running  forty  miles  an  hour,  without  6tops, 
and  it  would  take  about  265  years,  and  a  little 
over,  to  make  the  journey."  He  estimates  the 
fare,  at  a  cent  a  mile,  to  hi  8930,000.  These 
figures  kill  the  project. 


Physician — Put  out  your  tongue  a  little  further. 

Patient— Why,  doctor,  do  you  think  a  woman's 
tongue  has  no  end  ? 

Physician — An  end,  perhaps,  madam,  but  no 
cessation. 


An  article  in  an  exchange  is  headed  "  Kissed  by 
Her  Husband."  Such  mistakes  will  occur  and 
there  should  be  some  remedy  devised  to  prevent 
recurrence.  Perhaps  if  wives,  who  have  pretty 
servant  girls,  would  keep  out  of  the  kitchen  when 
it  is  dark  fewer  such  cases  would  be  recorded. 


"  When  a  man  lies,"  remarks  an  exchange,  "the 
devil  laughs."  When  a  woman  lies  the  devil  hasn't 
time  to  laugh.  He's  too  busy  putting  up  some 
other  woman  to  catch  her  at  it. 


"So  far  as  the  choice  of  death  is  concerned," 
said  Dr.  Collyer  in  his  Sunday  sermon,  "  we  are 
like  the  poor  fellow  who  preferred  to  be  hung  on  a 
gooseberry  bush,  and  expressed  perfect  willingness 
to  wait  until  it  grew  large  enough  for  the  purpose." 


Nothing  so  thoroughly  pleases  a  man  who  has 
learned  that  a  collection  is  to  be  taken  in  his  church 
on  Sunday  morning,  and  who  has  consequently 
been  unable  to  be  present  on  account  of  a  severe 
psin  in  his  back,  as  to  attend  the  evening  service 
and  hear  the  clergyman  announce  that  "  as  many 
who  desired  to  give  were  not  present  at  the  morn- 
ing collection,  it  will  now  be  repeated." 


Little  Jack  Horner  sat  in  the  corner  eating  con- 
centrated lye  ;  his  mother  came  in — he  had  emptied 
the  tin.  They  will  meet  in  the  sweet  by  and  by. 
He  lived  at  Wheeling.  W.  "Va. ,  and  was  2  years 
old. 


The  newspapers  often  print  the  "  last  words  "  of 
men,  but  never  those  of  women.  The  latter  would 
take  up  too  much  room,  and  crowd  out  the  adver- 
tisements. 


"  What  is  promised  to  the  righteous  ?  "  asked  a 
mild  and  amiable  Sunday-school  teacher  of  a  small 
child  at  the  far  end  of  her  class.  "  Eternal  bliss," 
quickly  responded  the  child.  "Quite  right,  my 
dear  child,"  said  the  mild  and  amiable.  "And 
now  tell  me  what  is  promised  to  the  wicked  ? " 
"Eternal  blister,  ma'am,"  waa  tke  prompt   reply. 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
has  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  <~ I. -ary  street* 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


A  NOTED  BUT  UNTITLED  WOiUAN. 

[From  tbo  Boston  Oluk] 


Messrs,  Editor*  .— 

Tbe  above  Is  a  good  likeness  of  Mrs.  Lydiu  E  Pink- 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mans.,  who  above  oil  uther  human  beluga 
may  be  truthfully  called  the  'Dear  Friend  of  Woman," 
as  some  of  her  correspondents  love  to  call  her.  Che 
Is  aealounly  devoted  to  her  work,  which  Is  the  outcome 
of  a  life-study,  and  1b  obliged  to  keep  six  lady 
a. ■  -i>LinN,  to  help  her  answer  the  large  correspondence 
which  dally  pours  In  upon  her,  each  bearing  Its  special 
burden  of  Buffering,  or  Joy  at  release  from  it.  Her 
Vegetable  Compound  13  a  medicine  for  good  and  not 
evil  purposes.  I  have  personally  Investigated  It  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

On  account  of  its  proven  merits,  it  Is  recommended 
and  prescribed  by  thebo.it  physicians  In  the  country. 
One  says:  "It  works  like  a  charm  and  eaves  much 
pain.  It  will  cure  entirely  the  worst  form  of  falling 
of  the  uterua,  Lcueorrhcea,  Irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation,  all  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
Clceration,  Floodings,  all  Displacements  and  the  con- 
sequent spinal  weakness,  and  is  especially  adapted  to 
the  Change  of  life." 

It  permeates  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  vigor.  It  removes  faintness,  flatulency, 
destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervous  Prostration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Expression  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down,  causing  pain,  weight  and  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  It  will  at  all  times,  and 
■under  all  circumstance?,  act  in  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  $1.  per  bottle  or  six  for  $5.,  and  is  sold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  required  as  to  special  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  stamp  for  reply, 
at  her  homo  InLynn,  Mass. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compound  is 
onsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonials  show, 

"Mrs.  Pinkham's  Liver  Pills,"  says  one  writer,  "are 
the  best  in  the  teortd  for  the  cure  of  Constipation, 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  livei.  Htt  Blood 
Purifier  works  wonders  in  Its  special  line  and  bids  Cab: 
to  equal  the-Compound  in  its  popularity. 

All  niustn-espect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  Is  to  do  good  to  others. 

Philadelphia,  Pa.  (2)  Mrs.  A.  M-  D. 


DR. THOMAS  HALL'S 


S3'  Cares  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  ol  Manhood  and 
all  Hi..:  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
ceases  and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $s,so  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.  0.  SALFIELD, 
218  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TB1AL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms ana   age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential 


KIDNEY- WORT  I 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure,  'Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will 


$72 


plaint  la  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  foiled. 
*2-   tsTIf  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  81. 1  USE  l^rueeist^SeM 


KIDNEY- WORT  I 


A  WEEK.     312  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 

free.     Addrewa  TiurK  &,  Co.,  AugTtsta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

«^TRY  PFUNOER'S 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  tfivlns  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
uqual;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicul  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

aSTForsale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATE.S"drugstoce,  eor.  IJew  i 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  "Francisco. 


1  GREAT  ££< 


Cures  all  pains:  nice  to-  use! 


I'OHgb,  Log)  of  \  i  Ire.  Iiirlplcnl  f  iiimumplion,  mill  a 
Tlirout  and  l.im^  Trouble**. 
In  nine  canes  out  of  ten,  one  dose  taken  at  bedtime  will 
effectually  anil  permanently  eradicate  the  aevereHt  form 
"f  QJTLtrENZA,  CULL)  IN  THE  HEAD  or  CHEST. 
For  Lous  of  Voice,  Chronic  Bronchitis,  Cough  of  long 
standing,  and  Incipient  Consumption,  a  longer  sse  of  it  is 
required  to  effect  a  permanent  cure. 

ASK    FOR    THE 

California    Hall's    Pulmonary    Balsam, 

-1KB    TAKE    \0    OTHER.        Prlee,    SO    Cents. 

J.  R.  GATES  &  Co..  Druggists, Prop  rs. 

417  >;i iiMiinc  street,  eor.  Commercial,  S.  F. 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  .  Assets,  1150,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  350,000 

Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  W.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -"  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       .       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL 

W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

Si).  213   SANSOME   STREET,                SAN   FRANOISOO, 

OAL. 

RHODES  A  CO.,  DrngglKtft,  Sun  Jose.  California. 


DEALERS  _I»    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.    Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallbt  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurance  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

Scotch,  Union,  and.  National 

Insurance   Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 


HAGAN  .1   u  i  Mil  HI  lit Mill  .1  HIKES, 

*  ill  Agent*,  General  .tgentH, 

Ml  California  Street,  '-"-':  Snnsome  street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


AGENTS 


can  now  Rraap  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  $10  tree,  Addrrsn  E.  O 
RIDE0UT  A  CO.,  10  Barcl&ySt.,  N.  V. 


220 
222 


BUSH     STREET 


224 
22S 


0^VfORNIA_FURAy/r^ 

The    Largest    Stock:— The    Latest    Styles, 

CALL    AN  D    SEE    BEFORE    PURCHASING-  ! 
GOODS    SHOWN    WITH     PLEASURE. 


LIVER  AND   KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

ORECON    BLOOD 


Sick    Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


3%e    J\ 


m 

m 

z 

H 

> 

z 
o 

m 

H 
O 

H 
I 
m 

O 

r 

D 

O 

H 
-< 

> 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTUKA.L  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  JtSThe  most  extensive  estabhshmentonthe 
Facinc  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BEUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  CaL  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  S5.  Board,  per  week,  *4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £S"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand,  ^__ 

OLUMBUS    BEEWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
-     mento.       Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


CLAUSS    &  WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  «S"  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choree  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOXTND  AT  LAST-AN  INPALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco.  


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  US'  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
4S"One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front.  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well,  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
sunerior  quality  of  goods,  S3"  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side}  between  3d  and  4th , 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  S20  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
*  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
«5T  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     4S"A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  4ST  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
85  to  §12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  81  to  §2.50.  Meals, 
2a  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

HE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.     C.  H.  Gibnan,  proprietor.     £5f  The  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc. ,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,  .  CAL.     JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     43"  Send  for  price  list. 

EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  85  to  86.  Per  day,  81  to  81,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  33T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 

FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  It®"  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 

GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iuon  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
■  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 


[      H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 

Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224   Main  street, 
1  *     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANTJFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  CaL 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ^^Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  $500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON,  m  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


A        BOON         TO        WOMEN! 

PAINLESS     4-|IIIJ>i:iKTII  :  tiECONIft     1IHTIOV 

Giving  COMPLETE  INSTRUCTIONS  how  the  pains, 
perils,  difficulties  and  dangers  of  childbirth  can  be  avoided. 
Enlarged  to  3  pages  by  the  addition  of  a  chapter  on 
"Diseased  op  Women,"  with  complete  directions,  pre- 
scriptions, etc.,  for  home  management  in  plain  language. 
A  SAFE  GUIDE  for  the  sex.  Every  lady  should  have  a 
copy.  Prepaid,  $1.50.  Agents  wanted.  Exclusive  terri- 
tory.   Address  the  author,  Dr.  J.  H.  DYE,  Buffalo,  N.  Y. 


FREE 


Send    for    the    ''HEALTH    HELPER 
if  you  want  perfect  health.     H.  H.  Box  104 
.Buffalo,  N.  Y. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT'  S 

COMPOUND  EXTRCTS 

—   OF    — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

This  compound  is  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
*)  bining  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
'  state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  coKvenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street. 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 

14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


h'luiHOod,    (jlenwood,    Hudson   and  Our  Choice. 


D' 


,ON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most   Delicate. 


fcJ  «" 


BALlAM 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 
Courfis,  Colds, 
Croup. 

And  Oilier  Throiit  nml    Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybodv  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

CAUTION.— Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it   has  No  Equal. 
FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &   CO., 


THE    WASP. 


n 


THE     COW    TREE, 


Sir  Joseph  Hooker,  of  London,  published  a 
description  of  a  tree  which  has  been  discovered, 
called  the  '"cow  tree,"  which  gives  milk  when  an 
incision  is  made  in  the  bark.  Several  of  the  trees 
have  been  brought  to  England,  and  they  are  being 
watched  with  much  curiosity.  Nothing  could  have 
been  liscovered  that  would  more  effectually  till  the 
bill,  and  fall  the  want  long  felt,  than  the  cow  tree, 
pud  we  shall  herald  its  introduction  into  thiscoun- 
1  j  \  with  great  jow.  The  parties  who  are  interested 
in  the  propagation  of  the  cow  tree  can  send  us  two 
or  three  by  express.  We  do  not  want  full  sized 
cow  trees,  but  just  saplings  or  calves.  With  a  few 
bu.  It  trees  in  the  front  yard,  the  citizen  can  make 
Ulj  faces  at  the  driver  of  the  milk  wagon,  and  bid 
him  defiance.  Instead  of  going  forth  in  the  morn- 
ing armed  with  a  milk  ticket  and  a  tin  basin,  a 
man  can  take  his  little  hatchet  and  a  pail  and  cut 
a  hole  in  the  cow  tree,  sit  down  under  its  umbrage- 
ous shade,  and  let  nature  take  its  course.  The 
farmer  will  have  no  more  kicking  cows  to  contend 
with,  but  can  let  his  cow  tree  milk  itself,  while  he 
sits  down  at  the  root  of  fais  milk  producer  and 
smokes  his  pipe  or  plays  seven-up  with  the  hired 
man.  "  There  will  be  no  more  hoisting  there,"  no 
tail  to  switch  in  his  face,  and  no  more  will  the  cow 
tree  get  nervous  at  having  its  bag  agitated  by  the 
rough  hand  of  the  farmer,  and  kick  the  milk  pail 
over  the  fence,  and  the  milk  stool  through  the 
the  granger.  There  will  be  no  more  fodder  to 
throw  down,  no  more  bran  mashes  to  mix,  and  no 
calves  to  wean,  as  at  is  probable  the  cow  tree  will 
be  farrow  forever,  and  not  no  bellowing  around 
trying  to  hook  the  butcher  who  tries  to  take  its  calf 
away.  The  cow  tree  will  take  work  off  the  tired 
farmer,  and  he  can  go  to  town  to  attend  the  lodge 
without  hurrying  up  the  milking,  as  tne  girls  can 
mind  the  dairy.  It  will  be  a  mighty  poor  girl  that 
cannot  milk  a  cow  tree.  The  improvements  over 
the  cow  will  be  numerous.  By  building  an  ice- 
house near  the  cow  tree  one  can  have  ice  cream, 
and  by  the  aid  of  a  handy  jug  milk  punch  can  be 
made  to  the  queen'B  taste.  Instead  of  driving  the 
cows  up  from  the  pasture  at  night,  and  slopping 
them,  and  sitting  cramped  up,  milking  with  one 
hand  and  fighting  mosquitoes  with  the  other,  the 
farmer's  daughter  can  have  a  double  seat  under  the 
cow  tree,  and  take  a  pail  and  a  lover  and  go  out  to 
milk,  and  while  the  cow  tree  is  giving  down  its 
blessings,  the  young  people  can  put  in  the  time 
sparking.  No  family  should  be  without  a  cow  tree, 
and  we  trust  the  day  is  not  far  distant  when  the 
old  fashioned  cow  will  ouly  be  raised  for  beef,  the 
calf  that  is  now  more  trouble  than  he  is  worth, 
will  not  be  tolerated  at  all,  and  the  cow  tree  will 
grow  iD  profusion,  always  ready  to  itill  a  patent  pail 
full  of  rich  milk,  and  not  hook  the  daylights  out  of 
the  milker.  In  the  days  that  are  coming  there  will 
be  no  cow  to  tie  up  nights,  no  danger  of  a  raid  on 
the  garden  by  the  horned  four-footed  tramp  that 
unhinges  gates,  and  no  cow-bell  to  keep  a  whole 
neighborhood  awake  nights.  We  take  it  for 
granted  that  the  cow  tree  will  not  wear  a  cow-bell, 
and  that  it  will  not  bellow  mournfully  and  paw  the 
earth  when  people  are  trying  to  sleep.  We  hail 
the  cow  tree  aB  a  brother,  or  sister,  as  the  case  may 
be,  and  bid  it  welcome.  Good  bye,  old  Brindle. 
You  have  been  a  faithful  servant,  and  have  given 
milk  when  you  had  to,  but  you  have  gone  off  and 
got  lost  when  most  we  needed  milk,  and  when  you 
came  back  you  were  not  worth  a  continental.  You 
never  knew  enough  to  come  homewiihout  having 
a  barefooted  boy  sent  after  you,  and  you  would  eat 
leeks  when  you  knew  we  were  going  to  have  com- 
pany, and  your  milk  was  bad.  Step  aside,  Brindle, 
and  give  the  cow  tree  a  chance. — Peck's  Sun. 


POUR      LES     DAMES. 


A  writer  in  the  Brooklyn  Eagle  describes  one  of 
the  "  Ladies'  Exchanges  "  where  the  female  New 
Yorker  and  her  money  are  parted  : 

I  went  into  one  of  those  offices  not  long  ago,  on 
the  west  side  of  Broadway,  just  below  Fourteenth 
Btreet.  I  was  surprised  at  the  elegance  of  the 
place.  The  reception  room,  with  a  plush  carpet 
and  heavily  curtained  and  furnished  lavishly,  was 
quiet  vacant.  When  I  stepped  in  but  a  moment 
later  a  well-dressed  and  rather  handsome  man 
walked  from  an  inner  room  and  asked  me  softly 
what  he  could  do  for  me.  I  told  him  I  wished  to 
look  at  the  place,  and  he  said  he  would  be  happy 
to  show  me  about,  but  there  was  a  number  of  ladies 
in  the  inner  room  and  as  most  of  them  were  nerv- 
ous about  theiff  operation   being   known   he  could 


not  take  me  in.  At  this  moment  the  door  through 
which  he  had  passed  opened  and  a  richly  dressed 
woman  started  ont.  She  saw  me  there  and  hur- 
riedly retreated.  I  caught  a  glimpse  of  a  hand- 
somely furnished  office  with  several  ladies  sitting 
around,  and  heard  the  notes  of  the  musical 
"  tickers  "  as  they  reeled  off  the  quotations  from 
the  Stock  Exchange.  The  man  had  soft  and  agree- 
able  manners,  and  was  by  no  means  a  bad  fellow. 
He  told  me  quite  candidly  that  it  would  not  do  for 
a  man  to  go  into  the  inner  room,  as  the  ladies  de- 
pended upon  its  privacy.  I  asked  him  if  his  femi- 
nine customers  bought  largely,  and  he  Baid  they 
did  not  expend  large  sums  at  any  one  time,  and 
few  orders  exceeded  a  hundred  dollars,  but  that 
they  came  in  very  often,  and  dropped  in  dribbles 
that  in  time  amounted  to  a  very  fair  sum.  I 
gathered  from  what  he  siid,  although  he  did  not 
tell  me  so  explicitly,  that  the  whole  thing  was  run 
on  the  bucket-shop  principle,  in  which  the  house 
stands  as  a  sure  winner  every  time.  But  women 
are  certainly  not  successful,  either  singly  or  as  a 
class,  in  dealing  with  the  Stock  Exchange. 


TALK     ABOUT    THEATERS. 


FROM     THE     FRENCH, 


Remark  by  Cardinal  de  Ret?:,  which  is  as  true 
now  as  it  was  when  it  was  uttered  : 

"  A  politician  must  often -change  his  opinions  if 
he  wishes  always  to  remain  ic  the  same  party." 

A  gentleman  who  had  been  thinking  of  buying  a 
hack  having  visited  a  menagerie  comes  home 
radiant  with  joy. 

"  I'm  going  to  buy  one  of  them  zebras,"  he  says  : 
"  one  of  those  rifled  horses.  They  must  carry  much 
further  than  the  ordinary  sort  !  " 

"  J  thought,"  remarked  the  victim,  after  the 
dentist  had  dragged  him  around  the  room  several 
times,  "  I  thought  you  advertised  to  extract  teeth 
without  pain  1  " 

"Soldo,  sir,"  replies  the  operator,  blandly; 
"  it  doesn't  hurt  me  at  all  to  yank  'em  !  " 


A  father  has  been  complaining  to  a  friend  of  the 
family  of  the  conduct  of  his  prodigal  son. 

(t  You  ought  to  reason  with  him  seriously,'1  says 
the  friend  of  the  family. 

"  So  I  do  !  So  I  have  !  "  says  the  father  in 
despair,  "but  it  has  no  effect.  The  young 
scoundrel  will  listen  to  nobody  that  isn't  a  fool  like 
himself.     I  want  you  to  go  and  talk    with   him  !  " 


The  parents  have  taken  the  youngest  of  their 
three  daughters  to  the  theater.  They  had  had  their 
doubts  about  taking  any  of  the  elder  ones,  for  the 
play  was  rather  of  the  "  naturalistic  "  kind  ;  but  as 
for  the  youngest,  poor  child,  she  would  never  see 
anything  wrong  in  it. 

At  one  of  the  most  "  naturalistic  "  scenes  the 
little  maid  observes  with  all  unimaginable  gravity  : 

"  You  were  quite  right,  ma  !  It  would  never 
have  done  to  let  the  girls  see  it  !  " 


The  delightful  French  gallantry  of  the  olden  time 
has  not  yst  flown  from  earth. 

A  beautiful  rosebud  of  a  girl  is  walking  up  the 
drawing-room  leaning  on  the  arm  of  her  father. 

"  What,  mademoiselle,"  says  a  gentleman  of  the 
old  school,  "  do  you  walk  ?  Bless  me,  I  thought 
you  were  on  a  stem  !  " 

"  Well,  madame,'1  says  the  head  of  the  house, 
who  has  apparently  got  out  of  bed  on  the  wrong 
sid».  "  What  have  you  got  for  breakfast  this 
morning  ?  Boiled  eggs,  eh  ?  Seems  to  me  you 
never  have  anything  but  boiled  eggs.  Boiled  Ere- 
bus !     And  what  else,  madame,  may  I  ask  ?  " 

"  Mutton  chops,  my  dear,"  says  the  wife,  timidly. 

"  Mutton  chops  !  "  echoes  the  husband,  bursting 
into  a  peal  of  sardonic  laughter.  "Mutton  chops  ! 
I  could  have  guessed  it.  By  the  living  jingo, 
madame,  if  ever  I  eat  another  meal  inside  of  this 
house — "  and  jamming  on  his  hat  and  slamming 
the  door,  the  aggrieved  man  bounds  down  the  stairs 
and  betakes  himself  to  the  restaurant. 

"  What'll  you  have,  sir?"  says  the  waiter, 
politely,  handing  him  the  bill  of  fare. 

"  Ah  !  "  says  the  guest,  having  glanced  over  it, 
"let  me  see.  Bring  me  two  boiled  eggs  and  a 
mutton  chop  !  "— N.    Y.    World. 


The  motto  for  the  stamping   clerk   at   the   Post 
Office— Wherever  you  see  a  head,  kit  it. 


Foffff'i  F-  try,  at  the  Bush  Street  Theater  was  a  trifle 
disappointing.  Tin-  f.-rry  did  not  appeaar  at  all  ;  in  it* 
stead  came  u  hardy,  pasteboard  Mississippi  steamer. 
which,  evidently  an  old  stager,  was  uncustomed  to  har- 
boring fugitives  and  was  well  seasoned  u.  explosions. 
I'll'  v.t,  the  innocent  amusement  of  seeing  it  blow  up 
H  '■  denied  to  the  public,  and  the  dissatisfaction  ..f  the 
gallery  was  intense.  The  recipe  for  the  brewing  of  audi 
plays  has  probably  newr  been  published  before,  and 
therefore  it  may  be  interesting  now.  Prepare  forty 
leaves,  indiscriminately  taken  from  the  conversational  part* 
of  as  many  standard  dime-novels,  by  cutting  each  of  these 
leaves  straight  across  into  as  many  puts  u  y<>u  choose. 
Put  these  vulgar  fractions  of  decimal  literature  into  any 
surt  ..f  ;,  hat  ;  -shake  them  up  well  to  satisfy  yourself  that 

there  is  no  deception  about  it ;  then  draw  out  slip  after 

Blip  and  paste  these  uj asheel    conscientiously  in  the 

order  in  which  they  have  heen  drawn  out,  and  the  lesult 
will  be  a  drama  as  full  <-f  incident,  a-  rational  in  plot  and 
as  interesting  in  dialogue  as  Foggs*  Ferry,  hut  with  this 
distinction,  that  in  accordance  with  tin:  laws  uf  chance  it 
is  likely  to  be  about  seven  and  one-half  times  as  intelli- 
gent, Now  in  order  to  have  such  a  piny  worthily  and 
properly  presented,  call  at  the  nearest  intelligence-bureau, 
engage  one  chamber-maid,  one  maid  of  all  work,  one 
cook,  one  washerwoman,  a  butler,  a  waiter,  a  hostler,  a 
footman  and  a  driver.  Relieve  the  authorities  of  the  care 
of  an  idiot  of  whom  they  have  become  tired,  to  act  the 
low  comedy,  and  you  have  a  "  cast  "  which,  with  the  aid 
of  a  confiding  lithographer,  is  absolutely  complete. 

The  Yokes  are  really  very  much  Too  Too  Truly  Rural  ; 
indeed  they  are  quite  superlatively  verdant,  to  imagine 
that  such  imbecile  antics  as  they  perform  at  the  California 
Theater,  could  be  mistaken  for  an  amusement.  Their 
performance  is  a  mildly  childish,  but  very  truly  British 
protest  against  the  superiority  of  their  imitator.  All  this 
is  quite  Baddening,  for  they  have  been  very  amusing— once. 

At  the  Baldwin,  the  typical  nobility  of  the  convict  of 
romance  attempts  to  stir  the  emotions  of  matter-of-fact 
audiences  with  but  partial  succeBs.  Somehow  the  world 
is  apt  to  be  a  trifle  prejudiced  against  a  man  who  hys 
been  legally  condemned  to  wear  the  felon's  garb.  Like- 
wise, it  seems  as  if  the  professions  of  innocence  after  con- 
viction require  stronger  evidence  than  the  Grover  Com- 
pany can  furnish,  in  order  to  gain  credence  and  sympathy. 
There  is  a  lingering  doubt  upon  leaving  the  Ticket-qf 
Leave  Man,  as  if  one  had  looked  upon  a  pretty  bad  com- 
pany.    They  promise  Papa,  a  new  comedy,  for  next  week . 

At  the  Tivoli,  Flotow's  Alessandro  Stradetta  is  enjoy- 
ably  rendered  ;  the  acquisition  of  a  tenor  new  to  our 
sta#e  being  a  decided  improvement  ;  the  cast,  with  the 
exception  of  the  two  bandits,  being  an  exceptionally  good 
one.  Mr.  G.  Hinrichs,  the  conductor,  is  in  a  great  meas- 
ure responsible  for  the  superior  manner  of  the  presenta- 
tion of  that  charming  little  opera  and  the  orchestration  is 
entirely  satisfactory.  The  setting  and  costuming  are 
equally  good. 

The  occasion  of  the  fifteenth  anniversary  of  the  manage- 
ment of  Mme.  Otilie  Gene"e  elicited  many  proofs  of  regard 
for  that  talentad  and  enterprising  lady.  Besides  numer- 
ous graceful  floral  tributes,  Mme.  Geneve  received  some 
very  valuable  tokens  of  appreciation,  among  these  a 
laurel-wreath  of  solid  silver  from  the  actors  and  attach^* 
of  the  German  Theater.  She  spoke  her  thanks  with 
genuine  emotion  and  gave  as  her  reason  for  the  reluctant 
withdrawal  from  her  field  of  labor  the  difficulty  <>f 
pleasing  so  fastidious  a  public,  and  admitted,  with  a  can- 
dor seldom  met  with,  her  but  partially  successful  efforts 
in  that  direction.  The  plays  of  the  evening  were  in- 
tensely amusing  and  caused  many  regrets  that  the  season 
is  drawing  to  a  close.  Next  Sunday  evening  Mr.  Heinrich 
Kadelburg  announces  Der  VcUchcrtfrcsst'r,  for  his  benefit. 
No  member  of  that  company  has  contributed  as  much  as 
he  to  the  success  of  the  German  performances. 

The  reappearance  of  Mr.  Emerson  after  a  temporary 
retirement  is  always  greeted  with  great  satisfaction,  and 
his  justly  popular  entertainments  are  received  with  gen- 
erous appreciation.  It  is  difficult  to  determine  what  par- 
ticular part  of  his  programme  is  more  attractive  than  an- 
other, but  it  is  very  easy  to  notice  the  general  satisfaction 
which  the  performance  of  the  minstrels  affords. 

The  preparations  for  the  Theodore  Thomas  Orchestral 
Concert  season  are  progresesing  in  a  manner  which  must 
be  satisfactory  to  the  management.  The  nh  or  us- rehear- 
sals are  pushed  with  energetic  vigor  and  our  music-loving 
people  manifest  a  degree  of  enthusiasm  *t  tbo  proapoot  of 
the  ecjcryieent  wkiub  •waits  fca*a>. 


12 


THE     WASP. 


SOME    SERIOUS    VERSES, 


To    a    Greek    Reading    Homer! 


Come,  my  Greek,  and  drink  this  beaker 

Filled  with  glowing  Chios  wine, 
Produce  of  a  Grecian  vineyard 

Heart's  blood  of  a  Grecian  vine, 
With  its  burning  liquid  spirit, 

In  thy  soul  and  in  thy  brain, 
From  the  grand  Homeric  waters, 

Thou  art  fitted  sure  to  drain. 

Like  a  mighty  ocean  flowing 

Fn">m  the  shores  of  early  time 
To  the  present,  seems  the  record 

Flowing  on  in  winged  rhyme, 
Bearing  on  its  waters  perfume 

From  a  new-awakened  earth, 
Clothed  in  all  the  regal  splendor, 

All  the  freshness  of  her  birth. 

To  an  old  earth,  worn  and  weary, 

Disenchanted,  that  has  seen 
All  her  Gods  and  God-like  heroes 

Vanish  far  as  in  a  dream  ; 
Vanish  in  the  light  of  science, 

In  the  light  of  hateful  truth, 
All  the  fairy  fears  and  fancies, 

Builded  in  her  royal  youth. 

Yet  methinks  that  in  thy  simple 

Faith  and  strength,  there  liveth  still 
Something  of  those  early  warriors, 

Of  their  courage  and  their  will. 
Yes,  my  Greek,  you're  of  that  past  time. 

Of  the  grand  heroic  past  ; 
Out  of  many  gods  and  heroes 

Sure  thou  standest  here,  the  last. 

I  am  of  this  earthly  present 

With  its  yearnings,  doubt  and  fear, 
With  its  weakling  apes  of  manhood, 

With  its  science  far  too  clear  ; 
And  my  yearnings  and  vain  longings 

You,  O,  Greek,  have  never  known, 
And  you  stand  within  the  shadow — 

I  within  the  light— alone. 


-EUen  Cox. 


via  vim 


Fair  bloomed  the  scented  rose  ;  the  passer  stayed 
To  rest  awhile  beneath  the  leafy  shade  ; 
Oft  o'er  the  perfumed  flow'r  he  bent  his  head  : 
"  To-morrow  I  will  pluck  it  from  the  thorns,"  he  said- 
But  ere  the  morning  light  the  rose  was  dead. 

Within  the  poet's  heart  a  tuneful  lay 
Kept  singing  softly  through  the  sun-lit  day  ; 
"I'll  write  not  now  ;  but  when  the  sea-kissed  shore 
Shall  seem  less  fair,  when  summer-time  is  o'er  "— 
And  so  the  song  was  lost  for  evermore. 

Blue  were  my  lady's  eyes,  and  bright  her  smile  ; 
I  did  but  turn  my  feet  to  roam  awhile, 
Where  boyish  hope  and  fahy  fancy  led  : 
"  Returned,  I'll  claim  her  for  my  bride,"  I  said — 
But  when  I  came  I  found  my  lady  wed  , 


MOTHERS     OF     GERMANY. 


O,  give  me  my  mothers  ;  yea,  great  glad  mothers, 
Proud  mothers  of  dozens,  indeed,  twice  ten  ; 
Fond  mothers  of  mothers  and  mothers  of  men, 
Like  old  time  clusters  of  sisters  and  brothers, 
When  grand  Greeks  lived  like  to  Gods,  and  when 
Brave  mothers  of  men,  strong-breasted  and  broad, 
Did  exult  in  fulfilling  the  purpose  of  God. 

Yea,  give  me  mothers,  grand  old-world  mothers, 

Who  peopled  strong,  lusty,  loved  Germany, 

Till  she  pushed  the  Frank  from  the  Rhine  to  the  sea. 

Yea,  give  me  mothers  that  love  and  none  others  ; 

Blessed,  beautified  mothers  of  men  for  me. 

For  they,  they  do  love  in  the  brave  old  way, 

And  for  this,  all  honor  for  aye  and  a  day. 

But  mothers  of  Fashion  !    Oh,  whited,  cursed  mothers  ? 
Yea,  cursed  as  the  Christ  cursed  the  barren  fig-tree, 
With  your  one  sickly  branch  where  a  dozen  should  be  ; 
Ye  are  Cyprians  of  folly  to  Satan's  own  brothers, 
Withered  and  barren  and  piteous  to  see. 
Ye  are  dried-up  peppers  in  a  dried-up  pod, 
Ye  are  hated  of  men  and  abhorred  of  God. 

— Joaquin  Miller. 


COMPULSORY    RELIGION, 


"  No,  T  don't  attend  church  very  regularly  now," 
said  Colonel  Zepple.  during  a  religious  conversa- 
tion, "  but  in  a  great  degree  I  am  in  favor  of  com- 
pulsory religion.  I  have  seen  its  effects  and  am 
prepared  to  stand  up  in  its  defense.  I  used  to  be 
very  religions.  F'or  ten  years  of  my  life  I  attended 
divine  services  regularly.  I  was  so  strict  in  my 
adherence  that  T  did  not  leave  thp  church  until  the 
congregation  was  dismissed.  No  matter  how  dull 
tke  preacher  might  be,  so  grea-t  was  my  respect  lor 


the  subject  under  discussion,  and  such  an  influence 
did  the  church  exert  on  me  that  I  never  exhibited 
impatience." 

"  You  have  changed  wonderfully  since  then, 
Colonel,"  said  an  acquaintance,  "  for  you  now  hunt 
and  fish  on  the  day  assiimed  for  rest." 

"  Yes,  I  confess  that  I  am  a  backslider." 

"  I  suppose  you  remember  with  fondness  the 
days  of  your  strict  church  attendance  ?  " 

"  No,  I  do  not  moan  over  the  departure  of  those 
days." 

14  Why  ?  " 

"  Because  I  was  in  the  penitentiary. " — Arhansaw 
Traveler.     . 


"  Do  you  keep  coffee  here  ?  "  he  asked  as  he 
entered  a  Woodward  avenue  grocery. 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Do  you  roast  it  yourself  ?  " 

"  We  do." 

' '  Is  the  adulterating  all  done  on  your  premises  ?  " 

"  It  is.  We  have  a  clean,  airy  adulterating 
room,  free  from  ash-heaps,  old  hats,  broken  bottles 
and  oyster  cans,  and  the  man  who  mixes  in  the 
beans,  peas,  ground  cocoanut  shell  and  parched 
corn,  uses  nothing  but  the  best  hair  oil  and  toilet 
soap.     How  much  will  you  have  1  " 

"  Two  pounds,'  was  the  bland  reply,  and  he 
walked  off,  apparently  well  pleased. — Detroit  Fret 
Press. 


"Old  Farisee,"  says  the  Lowell  Citizen,  came 
down  to  the  office  the  other  morning  after  a  com- 
mittee of  his  employees  had  made  him  a  surprise 
visit  and  presented  him  with  an  elegant  and  valu- 
able clock.  His  face  was  sicklied  o'er  with  a  pale 
cast  of  thought,  which  was  noticed  by  the  clerk. 
The  latter  asked  the  old  man  what  was  the  matter. 
"  It's  just  this,"  answered  Farisee,  after  a  long 
pause,  "  that  clock  couldn't  have  cost  less  than 
§100.  It  was  an  extravagant  piece  of  business 
and  must  not  be  allowed  to  occur  again.  You  may 
give  notice  of  a  10  per  cent,  reduction  in  wages,  to 
commence  with  the  first  of  the  month." 


"Superfluous  lags  the  veteran  on  the  stage." 
Here  is  how  a  correspondent  at  Rome  writes  to 
London  Truth  respecting  the  decadence  of  one  who 
not  long  ago  was  the  goddeBS  of  popular  idolatry. 
"Thepoorold  Marchessadel  Grillo  (Adelaide  Ristori; 
produced  anything  but  a  pleasant  impression  when 
she  appeared  the  other  day  as  (  Marie  Antoinette,' 
at  a  Roman  theater,  on  the  occasion  of  a  benefit. 
The  house  was  crowded,  but  poor  Ristori,  now  aged 
sixty-five,  is  a  pitiable  wreck.  However,  she  is 
very  wealthy,  bo  that  sire  will  not  be  obliged  to  ap- 
pear on  the  stage  any  more.  ThiB  is  lucky  both 
for  her  and  the  public." 


The  Genuine  Irish  Bull  :  ' '  Mr.  Speaker,  if  we 
once  permitted  the  villainous  French  masons  to 
meddle  with  the  buttresses  and  walls  of  our  ancient 
Constitution  they  would  never  stop  nor  stay,  Sir,  till 
they  brought  the  foundation  stones  about  the  ears  of 
the  nation.  Mr.  Speaker,  if  those  Gallician  villains 
should  invade  us.  Sir,  'tis  on  that  very  table,  may  be, 
these  honorable  members  might  see  their  own 
destinies  lying  in  heaps  atop  of  one  another.  Here, 
perhaps,  the  murderous  Marshallan  men  [Marsel- 
lois]  would  break  in,  cut  us  to  mincemeat,  and 
throw  our  bleeding  heads  upon  that  table  to  stare 
us  in  the  face." — Sir  Boyle  lioche. 


Filkins,  of  Oakland,  employs  a  white  woman  to 
do  his  washing,  and  until  recently  has  had  no  fault 
to  And  with  her  manipulation  of  his  linen.  The 
other  night  after  a  round  with  the  boys  he  re- 
turned to  his  lodging  in  a  somewhat  uncertain  con- 
dition, and  finding  the  neat  bundle  of  clothing  just 
from  his  washerwoman's,  he  essayed  to  open  it  and 
put  away  the  contents.  In  doing  so  he  discovered 
an  article  of  feminine  attire  which  puzzled  his  be- 
fuddled brain  for  some  time.  Finally  concluding 
that  she  had  been  playing  him  a  trick  he  wrote  a 
note  to  his  laundress,  indignantly  inquiring  why 
the  deuce  she  cut  the  sleeves  off  his  shirt  to  lengthen 
out  the  tail. 


A  bald-headed  man  who  has  heard  that  the  hairs 
of  a  man's  head  are  numbered,  wants  to  know  if 
there  is  not  some  place  where  he  can  obtain  the 
back  numbers. 


Not  an  alcoholic  beverage,  1  ut  a  true,  ielJt-ble  fcijiib/ 
laediuae  is  Browa'a  laoa,  Littei-i*. 


Pass  Found  the  Hat.— Hermann,  the  Hatter,  has 
published  an  Illustrated  Catalogue  (why  did  he  not  call  it 
a  Hatalogue)  for  1883  which  rather  foiges  ahead  of  any- 
thing of  the  kind  that  we  have  seen.  Besides  the  count- 
less multitudes  of  hats  represented — hats  in  perspective 
and  hats  the  other  way ;  front  elevations  of  hats  and 
ground  plans  of  hats  ;  birdseye  views  of  hats  and  hats  on 
Mercator's  projection  ;  hats  drawn  to  the  scale  of  one 
inch  to  the  mile  and  topographical  sketches  of  hats 
drawn  to  no  scale  ;  hats  according  to  Gunther,  hats  ac- 
cording to  Hoyle  and  hats  according  to  St.  Luke — be- 
sides all  these,  there  are  many  pages  of  interest- 
ing literature  for  the  general  reader  already  provided 
with  a  hat,  and  an  abundance  of  charming  wood-engrav- 
ings that  have  nothing  whatever  to  do  with  either  the 
literature  or  the  hats.  Why,  the  covers  alone  of  this 
book  are  worth  ten  times  the  subscription  price— it  is 
given  away — and  the  design  for  a  cathedral,  on  page 
360,  is  the  most  amazing  work  of  art  that  has  ever 
been  published  in  San  Francisco.  If  Mr.  Hermann 
wasn't  the  greatest  hatter  in  the  world  we  should  say 
he  was  the  greatest  editor— with  one  obvious  exception. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

REFRESHING    AND    CURATIVE    BATHS. 

Dr.  Zeile  has  been  long  and  favorably  known  in  thiB 
city  for  many  years  and  his  practice,  his  institute,  and 
treatment  by  his  curative  baths  are  almost  a  "  household 
word  "  with,  and  among  those  who  have  been  hiB  patients. 
He  has  just  completed  his  extensions  to  his  previous  es- 
tablishment at  No.  522  to  528  Pacific  Btreet,  and  has  en- 
tirely renovated  his  bathing  department  with  new  rooms 
elegantly  furnished  for  ladies  aud  gentlemen,  and  now 
has  the  finest  bathing  establishment  on  the  Pacific  Coast. 
Those  who  are  dull,  logy,  sleepy,  drowsy,  with  aches  and 
pains — all  in  fact  who  wish  to  become  new  again,  should 
take  frequently  a  Russian,  Turkish  or  Medicated  bath  at 
Dr.  Zeile's. 


"KIDNEY    DISEASE." 

Pain,    Irritation,  Detention,   I  ncontinence,   Deposits, 
Gravel,  etc.,  cured  by  "  Buchu-paiba."    SI.     Depot. 


GOOD  LIFE  INSURANCE. 

A  most  creditable  statement  of  the  annual  resources  of 
the  New  York  Life  Insurance  Company  has  just  been 
published.  This  old  and  reliable  Company  have  paid  to 
policy  holders  over  seven  millions  of  dollars  and  its  total 
income  is  nearly  twelve  millions.  It  pays  its  losses 
promptly,  and  stands  at  the  head  of  all  similar  institu- 
tions. Col.  A.  G.  Hawes,  favorably  known  for  years 
among  the  business  and  mercantile  men  of  our  city,[is  the 
General  Manager  of  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  general  of- 
fice is  at  320  Sansome  street,  where  can  be  found  Colonel 
Hawes  and  his  assistants,  who  give  all  information  desired. 


*  Druggists  say  that  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable 
Compound  is  the  best  remedy  for  female  complaints  they 
ever  heard  of. 

BEATTY'S    ORGANS    AND    PIANOS. 

Although  a  very  young  man  still,  Mayor  Beatty,  the 
famous  builder  of  musinal  instruments  at  Washington, 
New  Jersey,  has  attained  a  high  position  and  conspicu- 
ous success  among  the  most  noted  of  American  manufac- 
turers. He  has  not  only  established  a  great  business  by 
which  he  furnishes  thousands  of  pianos  and  organs  every 
year  of  a  superior  character  at  exceptionally  low  prices, 
but  has  contributed  in  a  conspicuously  public  manner  to 
the  building  up  of  a  thriving  and  busy  community.  He 
is  one  of  the  most  liberal  advertisers  of  the  day,  and  to 
this  source  much  of  his  success  is  due.  Read  his  new  ad- 
vertisement in  another  column  and  forward  him  an  order 
for  one  of  his  best  cabinet  organs 

SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 

for  S5. 

*  ^  « 

GRAND    CARNIVAL    BAL    MASQUE. 

Col.  Andrews,  of  the  Diamond  Palace,  will  spare  no 
labor  or  expense  in  making  a  grand  success  of  the  much 
talked  of  Mask  Ball  to  be  given  at  the  Mechanics' 
Pavilion  on  Friday  evening,  July  27th.  Nearly  §10,000 
will  be  expended  in  prizes,  costumes,  decorations,  etc., 
and  Col.  Andrews  says  that  hi  grandeur  it  will  excel  any 
any  spectacle  ever  presented  on  the  Pacific  Coast. 


DENTISTRY. 
O.  O.  Deoo,  1>.  D.  6.,  l&j&ewny  ffbteet,  Sea  FnwwwoO. 


THE    WASP. 


ia 


TO     WHOM     IT     MAV     CONCERN. 

All  contributor*  expecting  payment— except  those  with  whom 
ire  have  an  understanding—  must  either  set  ;i  price  upon  their 
articles  or  indicate  their  willingness  to  accept  a  price  fixed  by  our- 
selves. Declined  manuscripts  will  be  returned  if  stamps  are  Sent 
for  that  purpose.  It  is  necessarj  that  the  editor  know  the  full 
name  and  address  of  everj  contributor. 

F-  P.— We  have  not  the  advantage  of  knowing  who  you 
have  the  honor  to  be.  You  tell  the  truth  like  an 
angel,  but  your  no  name  condemns  you  to  the  waste- 
basket. 

Joseph  K.,  San  .Aw.— The  matter  ha*  already  been  dis- 
tinguished by  our  attention,  as  you  would  have  been 
kind  enough  to  observe  if  you  had  done  ue  the  *er\  ice 
of  reading  the  Weup  with  the  regularity  that  is  mu- 
tually desirable. 


Jealous  G.— Under  consideratio 
waiting  to  be  read. 


that   ia  to  say, 


LOW  C— Same  to  you.  Perhaps  it  would  be  better  to 
finish  the  series. 

.ItANNETTE.— Pardon,  but  you  write  indelicately  enough 
to  be  a  young  girl.     Are  you  a  young  girl  ? 

Countless  Contemporaries— We  are  overwhelmed  with 
requests  to  exchange ;  it  ia  impossible  to  reply  in 
each  case.  If  you  do  not  receive  the  Wasp  within 
two  or  three  weeks  after  sending  your  journal  please 
accept  it  as  an  intimation  that  we  regret  our  inability 
to  avail  ourselves  of  your  kind  offer. 

Accepted.— "  The  Bottled  Elephant";  "On  with  the 
Dunce"  ;  "  Blockading  Heaven  ";  "Pix  ";  "An 
Amazing  Circumstance  "  ;   "  Putting  on  Dog. " 

A  Narttst. — The  reason  that  we  have  "taken  to  pub- 
lishing California  scenes"  is  a  sordid  one  but  very 
simple  :  it  pays.  Now  we  will  hear  counsel  for  the 
other  side. 


A  person  named  Nathan  J.  Hyman,  who  keeps  a 
jewelry  and  fancy  goods  store  at  307  Kearney 
street,  has  so  attractive  a  show  window  that  the 
police  authorities  would  rind  themselves  well  re- 
paid by  a  look  in.  This  fellow  keeps  a  number  of 
obscene  photographs  conspicuously  displayed  there 
— that  is  the  whole  story.  No  doubt  the  wretch 
will  rub  his  hands  with  delight  at  this  advertise- 
ment, and  construct  a  grin  that  will  terrify  his  ears; 
but  if  he  do  not  remove  these  pictures  he  will  get 
more  advertising  than  he  wants.  He  will  get  so 
much  that  he  will  feel  encouraged  to  join  a 
menagerie  as  the  snake-mouthed  rhinaughtycuri- 
ous,  and  will  perhaps  run  for  Congress.  Remove 
those  pictures,  Mr.  Hyman,  or  a  sweet  sadness  will 
ensue  at  307. 


The  Chronicle  has  the  only  reporter  in  this  city 
who  gets  at  the  truth  of  a  matter  whereof  he 
writes.  On  Tuesday  morning  last  this  accurate 
observer  described  the  passing  of  the  bond  resolu- 
tion over  the  Mayor's  veto.  The  news  was  con- 
sidered so  important  as  to  be  justly  entitled  to  a 
conspicuous  top-head— -"  The  Bond  Bill  Passed 
Over  the  Veto  " — and  a  sub-head—"  The  Bond 
Veto  Voted  Down."  Singularly  enough,  in  all  the 
other  newspapers  it  was  stated  that  the  veto  was 
sustained  by  a  unanimous  vote.  This  reporter  re- 
minds us  of  the  twelfth  juryman,  who  opposed  the 
eleven  stubborn  ones,  and  the  soldier  whose  com- 
rades were  all  uut  of  step. 


fi"       OEKBRATEO^*!^ 


fc%  ^  STOMACH & 

B|tteRs 


What  the  great  restorative, 
Hostetter's  Stomach  Bitters, 
will  do,  must  be  gathered 
from  what  it  has  done.  It 
has  effected  radical  cures  in 
thousands  of  cases  of  dyspep- 
sia, bilious  disorders,  inter- 
mittent fever,  nervous  affec- 
tions, general  debility,  con- 
stipation, sick  headache,  men- 
tal despondency,  and  the  pe- 
culiar complaints  and  disa- 
bilities to  which  the  feeble 
are  so  subject. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the   "WASP"   on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


TRUE 

Temperance 

Is  not  signing  a  pledge 
or  taking  a  solemn  oath  that 
cannot  be  kept,  because  of 
the  non-removal  of  the  cause 
— liquor.  Thewaytomake 
a  man  temperate  is  to  kill 
the  desire  for  those  dreadful 
artificial  stimulants  that  car- 
ry so  many  bright  intellects 
to  premature  graves,  and 
desolation,  strife  and  un- 
happiness  into  so  many 
families. 

ItisafactI  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters,  a  true  non-alcohol- 
ic tonic,  made  in  Baltimore, 
Md.,by  the  Brown  Chemical 
Company,  who  are  old  drug- 
gists and  in   every  particu- 
lar reliable,  will,  by  remov- 
ing the  craving  appetite  of 
the  drunkard^  and  by  curing 
tire  nervousness,  weakness, 
and  general  ill  health  result- 
ing from  intemperance,  do 
more  to  promote  temperance, 
in  the  strictest  sense  than 
any  other  means  now  known- 
It  is  a  well  authenticated 
fact  that   many  medicines, 
especially '  bitters,'  are  noth- 
ing butcheap  whiskey  vilely 
concocted  for  use  in  local  • 
option  countries.     Such  is 
not  the  case  with  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.     Itisamedi- 
cine,  a  cure  for  weakness 
and  decay  in  the  nervous, 
muscular,  and  digestive  or- 
gans of  the  body,  produc- 
ing good,  rich  blood,  health 
and  strength.    Try  one  bot- 
tle.    Price  $1.00. 


iCIDftEY^ORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the   Kidneys  and 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 
If  you  are  suffering  1 
■  malaria^  have  the  chills^ 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
u-    SOLPBYDRUCCISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDNEY-WQBT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Is  a  certain  cure  for  NliRVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  JUNHOOD.  and  all  tha  evil  effects  or 
yuutbful  follies  and  expenses. 

UK.  rjIKTIE,  who  is  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  the  University  oi'  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  forfeit  Mm  liuailrvd  Dollars  for 
acascoftheklnd  the  VITAL  KESTOItATIVE 
(uuaer  his  special  ndvlce  and  treiume  '.)  will 
not  core.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  th« 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  coNPt- 
denthlly,  by  A.  E.  1IINTJB.  M.  D.,  No.  II 
Kearny  Street,  S.  F.    Send  far  pniuphlci. 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  W 
any  one  npplying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
tei  and  nae.  "strict  secreev  Id  "II  transaction* 


IMPROVED     STOCK. 

Among  the  breeders  of  improved  stock  on  the  PaciBc 
Coast,  who  have  won  for  themselves  an  enduring  reputa- 

bigher  than  that  of  .Mr.  William 
Niles,  of  Loa  Angeles.  Bv  hi*  fair  dealing  and  strict  at- 
tention t.  instantly  enlarged  th< 
of  his  operations  until  a  are  found  in 
Australia,  the  Sandwich  Islands,  Central  Aznei 
Mexico  and  British  Columbia  as  well  as  in  every  State 
and  Territory  tins  side  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  Mr. 
Ntles  has  been  East  f"r  several  months,  to  familiarize 
himself  with  tin-  tnodta  operandi  of  Large  establish- 
ments of  tho  kind  ii.  States,  ana  during  the 
time  he  has  shipped  much  valuable  stock  to  his  place  in 
Los  Angeles. 

*  —  . 

MOTHER  S  .VAX'S  WORM  SYRUP. 

InfalHable,  taatelees,  harmless,  cathartic  ;    for  feverish - 
ness,  restlessness,  worms,  constipation.     25c 


FIRST    CLASS    HOTEL. 

Now  that  the  railroad  is  completed  to  San  Diego,  ou 
that  and  the  ocean  steamer  route  there  is  much  travel  to  that 
Southern  California  City.  It  has  the  largest  and  best  ap- 
pointed hotel  in  the  South,  which  under  the  management 
of  W.  E.  Hadley,  Esq.,  is  every  way  first  class.  For 
tourists  and  invalids,  San  Diego  is  a  beautiful  and  very 
desirable  place  of  resort. 


N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son's  American  N't  wspaper  Animal  con- 
tains full  statistics  of  all  newspapers  in  the  United  States 
and  Canada,  also  populations  from  the  census  of  1880. 
Sent  postpaid  on  receipt  of  price,  Uhree  Dollars.  Address 
N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son,  Advertising  Agents,  Times  Building, 
Philadelphia. 

♦  »  « 

Enrich  and  revitalize  the  blood  by  using  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters. 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

£3T  Diamond  Dyes  are  so  perfect  and  so  beautiful  that 
it  is  a  pleasure  to  use  them.  Equally  good  for  dark  or 
light  colors.     10  cts. 


■  ROUGH  ON  BATS." 


Clears   out   rats,   mice,  roaches, 
6kunks,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c. 


lies,  ants,  bed-bugs, 
DruggiBts. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 
The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
TJ.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

CATARRH  OF  THE  BLADDER. 

Stinging  irritatipn,  inflammation,  all  Kidney  and  Urin- 
ary complaints,  cured  by  "  Buchu-paiba."      SI. 


,1   ■  INSURE    IN    THE     BEST.--." 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  million  Dollars.    Paul  to 

Policy   Holders,  over  Seven    Million    Dollars. 


N. 


"The   Old   and   Reuable  " 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE    COMPANY, 
Tolnl    Jsscls.        -       -       -         $5(1,550,(181. <;7> 
Tolal    Income,         -       -       -     »H,4»4,MS.B« 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure   Life  Policy,  at  libera]  ternn, 
(.■an  appl)  to 

A.  G    HAWES,  Manager  for  PaciBe  Coast. 
■tin  Suits e  Street,       -       ■       -      San  Franciseo. 


Grenuiiie 

"LAGER  BIER" 

From  The 

FREDERICKSBURG    BREWING    CO., 

San    Jose. 

Wi]]   be  on  draught  on  and  from 

SATURDAY,  April   14. 

Office,  539   California  Street. 


CARDS 


.NvivSiu-:   t/ot(t  JScixlca  Jiiigcana 
GhromoTialliriQ  Cartta  mast  quality, 
largest  variety  a«rf  loicest prtces,  HO 
^^.chromos  with  name,  10c,  a  presmi 
UHtheachonter.UUBTOR  Unas, s,  Co.,<JilntL.iivl]le,Coim, 


mj-   4-n   (COfl  pcr  da-v  at  home-     Sflhriplea  worth  S5  free. 


I  Address  StinsoS  &  Co.,  Portlaud,  Maine. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


***  "  Neglect  old  friends  for  the  sake  of  new,  and  lose 
both."  But  remember  that  Kidney- Wort  is  a  friend  you 
cannot  afford  to  neglect.  Plasters  may  relieve,  but  they 
can't  cure  that  lame  back,  for  the  kidneys  are  the  trouble 
and  you  want  a  remedy  to  act  directly  on  their  secretions, 
to  purify  and  restore  their  healthy  condition.  Kidsey- 
Wort  has  that  specific  action. 


TO     THE     UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6Q  Q  KKAENY  STREET,  8A.N 
/Wc3  Francisco— Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases. 

Debility,  or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
1  sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
I  veled  extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
*  spected  thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
?■  pitals  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  ol 
^valuable  information,  which  he  is 
^competent  to  impart  to  thoBe  in  need 
^Jof  niB  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
Ni^^^^^^^^^;^^  make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Persons  at  a  distance  may  be  OTJRED  AT  HUME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
Cisco.     Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f 'g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and   Letters  of    In- 
quiry to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie  Genee 


SUNDAY,     -      -     -     -    APRIL  15th, 

Last  performance  but  two  before  the  close 

of  the  season. 

Farewell  benefit  of    HENRY    KADELBURG. 

His  last  appearance  after  five  years  engagement. 

DEE,    VEILCHENFRESSER. 

ComeHy,  in  4  acts,  by  G.  von  Moser.      Henry 

Kadelburg,  as  "Victor  von  Berndt." 

Ferdinand  Urban,  aa  "Peter, 

sein  Bursche." 


Sunday,   April  22d— Appearance  of  MATHILDE 
COTTEELLY,   the   favorite  of  San  Francisco. 
By  kind  permission  of   Mr.   McCall,   Miss  Cottrelly 
will  appear  on  two  Sunday  nights. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Beob Proprietors  and  Manager* 

First  nights  and  great  success  of  Flotow's 
Romantic  Opera,  in  three  actB, 


VITALITY 


RESTORED. 


DR  .  LIEBIG,  400  Geary  Street,  CONTINUES 
to  treat  successfully  every  form  of  Chronic  or  Special  Dis- 
ease without  mercury  minerals  or  nauseous  drugs.  DR. 
LIEBlGr'S  INVTG'RATOR  is  the  only  positive  and  perma- 
nent  cure  for  nervous  and  physical  A*  bility  Ions  of  vitality, 
weakness,  and  all  the  results  of  Indiscretion  and  excesses.  $1,000 
will  be  forfeited  ior  any  cass  of  special  disease  that  the  Doc- 
tor undertakes  and  fails  to  cure,  if  his  directions  are  followed. 
The  reason  that  thousands  cannot  get  permanently  cured, 
after  trying  in  vain,  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  prosta- 
torrhea,  which  requires  a  special  remedy.  DR  LIEBIQ'S 
I\VIGO£4TOR,  No.  2,  is  a  speciflo  for  proBtatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  $2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  $10.  Sent  to 
any  part  of  the  country.  Call  or  address  DR.  LIEBIG  &  CO., 
No.  400  Geary  street,  corner  of  Mason  street,  San  Francisco. 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  Btreet.  sow 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 

Established    1S52. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 


IB   .A.  T    ih:    s 

On  tub  Pacific  Coast. 

Tl  HRISII,     RUSSIAN,     STEAM,     SULPHUR 

or  oilier    AlrdientccI    Rutlia. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

$3T  All  on  the  pround  flour  (no  basement),  Nos.  522,  524,  520 
nod  538  Pacific  Street,  near  Commercial  Hotel,  between 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Dr.  Carl  Zeile'« 
Drug  Store.  Open  from  7  a.  si.  to  8  P.  M.,  Sundays  till  8  P.  M. 
Private  rooms  for  patients. 

N.   B. — Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  1860. 


TO  LEASE. 

A  good  paying  Route  on  this  paper. 
A  chance  for  the  right,  man  to  make 
a  good  living.  The  lessee  must 
have  no  other  business  nor  carry  on 
Routes  for  other  papers,  and  must  be 
sober  and  industrious.  Apply  at  this 
office  for  information . 


0 


125' for  $79   r^o^  beattys  27stop  beethoven  organs  for  only  $79,  j 

_ _  T  *   ^  VV     ,l*/j  FIVE  OCTAVES  or  MAHALS.    This  oraran  18     lows.   Steel  Snrlnirs.  Nick-el     lonte.  8  and  I  f 


All  Freights 
Prepaid. 

27  STOPS 

10 

SETS  GOLDEN 

TONGUE 
SEEDS, 

Beatty'e  Patent 


FIVE  OCTAVES  or  MANUALS.  Tills  organ  Is 
a  triumph  of  the  organ-builders'  ait,  it  is  very 
beautiful  in  appearance.  Handsome  solid  black 
walnut  case,  profusely  orna- 
mented with  neathand carv- 
ings. Manufactured  so  as 
not  to  take  the  dirt  or  dust. 
Thoroughly  seasoned  and 
kiln  dried. will  stand  the  test 
of  any  climate,  handsome 
rubbed  Varnish  finish  and 
polish.carved  and  ornament- 
ed with  arabesque  designs 
In  cold.  IT  IS  BUILT  TO 
LAST  NOT  FOR  SHOW.  It 
is  deserving  of  a  place  in 
the  millionaire's  parlor  and 
would  ornament  the  boudoir 
of  a  princess.  Contains 
Lamp  Stands.  Pocket  for 
Music,  Treble  <3)Upright  Bet- 


lows,  Steel  Springs,  Nickel 
Plated  Pedal  Plates,  BRA  - 
TVS  PATENT  STOP  ACTION 
AND    SOUNDING  BOARDS. 

27    Useful  Stops. 

1  Cello,  8  ft.  tone.   2  Melodia. 

3  Clarabella,  i  Manual  Sub- 
Bass,  10  ft.  tone.  5  Bourdon, 
16  ft.  tone.  6  Saxaphone,  8  ft. 
tone.  7  Viol  di  Onmba,  8  ft. 
tone.  8  Diapason,  8  ft.  tone. 
9  Viola  Dolce,  i  it.  tone.  10 
Grand  Expresslone,  8ft. torn-. 
XI  French  Horn  >  ft.  tone. 
12  Harp  ^Eolmn,  IS  Vox  It  - 
mana.  14  Echo,  8  ft.  tone. 
If.  IHilclana,  8  ft.  tone.  10 
Clarionet,  8  ft.  tone.  17  Voix 
Celeste,  8  ft.  tone.  lSViolina, 

4  it.    tone,        '9    Vox  Jubi- 


Afl  FREIGHTS 
PREPA.I1). 

Innte.  Sand  1  ft,  tone.  20  Piccolo,  2 
ft.  tone.  21  Coupler  Hai  moniquc. 
( doubles  the  power).  22  Orchestral 
Forte.  23 Grand  Organ  KneoSton. 
24  Right  Knee  Slop,  35  Automatic 
Va  ve  Stop.  20  Right  Duplex  Dam- 
per.   27  Left  Dup  ex  Damper. 

TEN    SETS     REEDS. 

(Golden  Tongue  Reeds,  Patented. i 
lot.  Set  Charming  Sa.rnplumeRee(la 
2i1.  Set  Famous  Fr,  nch  Itnr;  Recti* 
fid.  Set  Beaut ff  vl  piccolo  Stu  '. 
4th.  Set  Jubilant*  Violina  Rsed 
6th.  Set  Powerful  Sub-Bat  /:.     :  . 
fith.  Set  Svert  )'<>i.c  i  ,-h-rt'  A'ri'i/t,. 
?th.  Set  of  the  Soft  Cflla  Reeds. 
Stir.  F*tt  'Dulctama  Rertta. 
(Hi.     :  ■!  ■  ,   DI  ■•»«! 

10-  '-        ' 


Ik, 


Special  Offer  to  the  readers  of  the  W^SP- 


One  year's  test  trial  given. 


If  you  will  remit  me  $79  and  the  annexed  Coupon  witt.  ..  J.L  «,  *  ft  om  the  date 
thereof ,  I ivill  box  and  ship  you  this  Organ,  with  Organ  Bench,  &<>uk,  etc.,  exactly 
the  same  as  I  sell  for  $125.     You  sliould  order  iimnediately  and   in   no    cane 

later     than   lO  days  from  date. 

Fully  warranted  for  Six 

years. 

Given  under  my 
Hand  ami  Sealc 


-April    H    1383J 


COUPON 


WASP 


any  reader  of  the 


$461 


and  ST9.00  In  cash  by  Bank  Draft,  Post  Omce 
ml 


..ney  Or.  -sr.  Registered  Letter,  Express  Pre- 


by  Check  on  your  Bank,  if  forwarded  within  to  day*  from  the  date  hereof,  I  he 
B  to  accept  this  Coupon  for  l£4(i  as  part  payment  on  iny  celebrated  Uecthot 


Address  or  call  upon  > 
the  Manufacturer    ] 


u.  agree  -,.  ■ 

8$  Mop  *iaft  Parlor  Organ,  with  Bench,  Hook.  etc.,pi 

accompanies  this  coupon;  ami  I  will  send  you  a  receipted  I 

ship  you  the  Orpin  Just  as  it  Is  advertised,  fully  warranted  for  six  years.     Money  refunded  | 
wltli  Interest  from  ihc  date  of  remittance  if  r 

FDCIPUT     PPPPain      Asa  further  Inducement  for  vou  i  provided  yon  order  im- 
"Eluni    ^r\&j2£^l±ll    mediately,  within  the  10  days),  I  agree  to  prepn-  freight 

on  the  above  organ  to  your  nearest  raiLrum.1  freight  station,  any  p..int  east  oi  the  SllaBlualppl 

River  or  tliat  far  on  any  going  west  of  it.    This  is  a  rare  opportunity  to  place  an  Instrument, 

as  it  were,  at  your  very  door,  all  freight  prepaid,  at  manufacturer's  wholesale  price*. 

Order  now;  nothing  waved  by  correspondence. 

-     urtW  Tft  ADDPP       fji.'Iosed  ilnd  *?9  for  Organ.     I  have  read  your  statement  In 

eg£i     nv¥¥__i_y  V"U6R|    this  advertisement,  and  I  order  one  on  condition  that  it  must 

=       '    nrove  exactly  as  represented  lit  this  advertisement,  or  I  wluill  return  It  at  the  end  of  one  year's 

^^S    use  and  "dcnijn.l  the  ret  <rn  of  mv  monev,  with  interest  from  the  very  moment  I  forward  it,  at  . 

S--S    bIx  ner  cent  according  to  vour  offer.    6e  very  particular  to  give  Name,  Post  Office,  County, 

5§^    State   Fretaht  Station,  and  on  ichat  Rati nxid.    E3TBe  sure  to  remit  by  Rank  Draft,  P.  O,  Sloney 

DANIEL  F.  BEATTY,  Washington,  New  Jersey. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO.      SOUTH  PACIFIC  COAST  R.  R.         NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 


_  Steamer  of  this  Company  will  aiil  from  Broadway 
g  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  (or  ports  in  California,  Ore- 
■  ton,  Washintrton  and  Idaho  Territories  British 
I  Coiumhia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 
California  Southern  (oust  !!.,„■,  ,  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  sail  everj'  live  days  at  ft  a.  m.  for  San  Luis 
°„,"E%b:U'ta  Ji"lK"».  <•<»  Anaeh-s  and  San  Hk-.i  .-  foll,.ws: 
OKI^ABA,  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month.  ANCON,  5th.  Ifith 
Mid Jk,m  of  each  mouth.  The  Steamer  LOS  ANliELES  sails  even 
Wednesday  at  S  A.  u.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey,  San  Simoon,  Cay- 
ucos,  Oaviota,  Santa  Barhara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

^■M.^c'l'';l,  «'ol"ml>l"  and  Alaska  ltoute.  -  Steamship 
ELKLKA,  carrying  U.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Orct'On 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  W.  T.  Vic- 
toria and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrange],  Sitka  and  Harrishim-, 
Alaska  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

•..1i}S'r,or'"  aaa  Pvset  Sound  Route.— The  SteamcrsGEO.  W. 
ELOLKand  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  BrittanicMajesti  sand  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  2  p.  M. 
on  the  loth,  20th,  and  80th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Bines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im. 
portant  points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
r.  H.  oo  the  9th,  19th  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  A,  u.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
Rfote.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20tb  30th,  Bteamers  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.)  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  AlTA  or  GorDE. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Route.—  The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacini:  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
TIIE  PACIFIC.  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  £  Co  's 
Express,  every  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A.  M.  for  Portland 
and  Astona,  Oregon. 

mSSmS  and  Humboldt  "ny  Route Steamer  CITY  OF 

Tt?     v  ,  s  from  San  Francisco  ,or  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 

(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  A.  M. 

ort!x!?,',TA,'<'.!,a  ana    Mendocino    Route Steamer   CON- 

S1ANTINL  Bails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  M 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  CiuTcy's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street, 

(Opposite  the  Rubs  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  -  .  ...  .  195G 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Tears. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES     ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

94  5     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H . 

Prices  20  per  cent,  lower  tban  any  other  House  on 

the    Coast. 

«3-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SJ 

BILLIAEDSI 

The  Cues  in  every  Billiard-room,  Club  and  Private  House 
should  be  furnished  with  the 

BILLIARD -ROOM   NOISE  -SUBDUER 

To  prevent  players  from  making  a  noise  bv  knocking  their 

Cues  on  the  floor.     Over  250,000  sold  during  the  past 

two  years.     Invented  and  patented  by 

JOIKV  CBEAHAN, Continental  Hotel,  Philadelphia, 


Sole  agent  in  Penn'a  for  the  Standard  American  Billiard  and  Pool 
Tables,  manufactured  only  by  H.  W.  COLLENDER.  Wanted, 
agents  to  sell  SUBDUERS  in  all  parts  of  the  United  States.  Price, 
$1  per  doz.  For  sale  by  all  Manufacturers  and  Dealers.         ap-14 

Morris  &   Kennedy 

19  and  Hi  Post  Street. 
Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


Oakland,    Alameda,    Nfwurk,    San     Jose.    Los   Galas, 
lilenwood,  I'elton,   Big  Trees  and   Santa  <  rur„ 

piCTCKESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIO  TREES 
o.v,S\"t5„CI"ra  Valtoy,  MonU-ruj  Bay.  Fortl  miles  shurUr  to 
SANTA  CHUZ  than  any  other  route.  No  change  of  can]  I  no  dust 
Liimiiment  and  road  l.ed  first-class.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leavi 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  BODTO  BIDE,  at 

8 .Of)  A.  U.,  daily,  West  San  Lorenzo,  West  San  Leandro,  Ru». 
•  UU  sell",  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Halls,  Newark,  Centorrille, 
Howrys,  Alvi.so,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gatos, 
Alma,  w  nelits,  Highland,  Glenwoo.1,  Isjuuhertys,  Felton  BiijTrees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arrivillg  1!  U 

2 .Ofl   p    M    iSMinlajseM-epted),  Express:  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado, 
■  UU    Newark,  Centerville,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN 
JOSL,  Los  Gatos  and   every  station  to  SANTA  C1CI1Z,  arriving 

4, qfl  P.  M.  (Sundays  exceptod),  for  SAN  JOSE  and  intormedi- 
■  UU  ate  stations. 
f|M  ,   s»ndn}»,  A        Special        1'ussenger        Train 

UII  leavesSan  Jose  at  foio  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Fnuicisco,  7:35. 
flJC  EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  ANO  $W.r>0  TO  SAN 
UJU  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
elusive. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND      II  1111  IM. 

§6:30-7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  U12:30-l:30-'.l>60- 
3:30—1:30-5:30-6:30-7:30—1(1:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets.  Oakland— §5:57 
—§6:57-7:57— 8:52— 9:52-10:52-1111:52  A.  M.  12:52-1:52—2:5-2 
—3:52— 4:52— 5:52— «:52— 10:20  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  .Alameda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:35— 9:35 
—10:35—111:36  A.  M.  12:35— 1:35— 2:36— 3:35— 4:35— 5:36— 6:36 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     H  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temeseal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  bv  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  otticcs  828  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and   Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park  street,  Alameda 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R  M.  GARRATT, 

April  8th.         Gcn'I  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt 


AND 


CALIFORNIA  SAFE    DEPOSIT 
TRUST  COMPANY. 

3£fl     HOYH.Olll.lEt      STIEIII. 

San  Fraud  wco,  Cal. 

CAPITAL,         -        , $y,O0O,O00. 

TTvTm  Directors: 

J.  D.  FRY,  G.  L.  BRADLEY, 

C.  F.  MacDERMOT,  JAS.  H.  GOODMAN. 

SAMUEL  DAVIS,  F.  11.  WOODS, 

LLOYD  TEVIS,  CHARLES  MAIN, 

HENRY  WADS  WORTH,  L  G.  WICKERSHAM, 

J.  ».    FRY President 

€.   R.  THOIHFSODKlatc  of  Union  Trust  Co.  of  New 

York) ? Treasurer 

Wffl.   CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

Interest  allowed  on  deposits.  Deposits  received 
snbject  to  check  or  draft,  at  sight.  Certificates  of  de- 
posit issued.     Loans  made  on  collateral  security. 

The  Safe  Deposit  Vaults,  containing  4600  safes  of  different 
sizes,  with  rental  from  $2  to  §20  per  month,  or  from  $12  to  $200 
per  year,  according  to  size  and  loeation,  offer  the  most  absolute  se- 
curity to  the  property  of  renters,  who  have  entire  control  of  the 
the  safes  they  rent,  under  the  regulations  of  the  Company,  which 
have  been  carefully  made,  to  ensure  security  and  to  facilitate  the 
business  of  patrons.  Silverware,  jewelry,  trunks  of  valuable  arti- 
cles, bullion,  coin,  books  and  papers  of  mercantile  houses,  (ledger8 
which  will  be  received  or  delivered  at  any  time  during  the  day  or 
night,) and  personal  property  of  all  ki»'ls  received  for  safo  keeping. 
This  Company  will  act  as  Agent  of  Co rpo rations.  Estates,  Firms 
and  Individuals  for  the  care  of  securities,  Real  Estate  and  Personal 
Property  of  all  kinds,  the  collection  of  interest  and  Rents,  and 
will  transact  business  generally  as  Trustee  for  property  and  in- 
terests intrusted  to  its  care 

Will  hold  powers  of  attorney,  and  make  collections  and  remit- 
tances, buy  and  sell  Securities/Drafts,  Bullion,  Foreign  Money, 
Exchange,  etc.  make  investments  and  negotiate  loans. 

Will  act  as  Transfer  Agent  or  Registrar  of  Transfers  of  Stock 
and  as  Trustee  under  Trust  Mortgages  of  Incorporated  Companies, 
Will  act  as  Executor  and  Administrator  of  Estates,  Guardian  of 
minors,  and  pay  annuities,  etc. 

Non-residents  and  persons  unable  to  attend  to  their  financial 
matters  personally  .  will  have  their  interests  looked  after  with  the 
utmost  care. 

The  Capital  of  the  Company,  and  its  superior  facilities  for  the 
transaction  of  business,  give  guarantee  of  security,  promptness 
and  care  that  cannot  be  expected  of  individual  agents. 

The  establishment  of  a  rebable  Trust  Company  will  meet  a  re- 
quirement, the  necessity  of  which  has  long  been  felt  in  this  com- 
nity. 


H.  R  Mactarlank. 


Gbo.  W.  Maofarlane. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

.    Commission      Merchants. 

FIRE-PROOF    BUILDING,   52    QUEEN     STREET, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  Islands. 


Oregon    Railway 


AND  — 

and 


Navigation    Co. 


WITH    THEIR    UNIQUE    AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OF  R1VKK 
and  Rai  I  Transportation   penetrate  ill  sections  ol  the  Pfuftflc 
Northwest,  and  form  direct  routes  * 

1 1>  tin  Columbia    To  t!u-  lull.-,  Umatilla,  Pendleton. W#Ha 

W.dlu,    Diyton,   the    Palou*.     i  'mmtn ,  Siuiku    Kiver    I'uiuts,  Mid 

U'\l  i-U.ni   ; 

I' p  the-  IVml  d'Ort-IIU-  DIvIhIoii-To  Ain^-.-i-tti.  rJi.-Hi.^, 
Sprague,  Spokane  Falta,  Lake  Pond  d'Orcllle,  and  all  points  In 
Northern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

lip  tin-  Willamette  Valley  To  Oregon  City,  Solent,  and 
the  beautiful  country  of  Southern  Oregon  ; 

Dovra  tbe  Colombia  Through  the  most  pji.-turesque'floeue- 
ry  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Polnta 

Over  to  I'M"!-!  Sound  -To  Taeoma,  Olympia/Seattle,  Eort 
Townsend,  Victoria  and  Belingham  Bay  -aecction  unrivaled  tor 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prOSpecta 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

Dally  Stage*  connect  with  trains  on  Clarlt's  .Pork  DKfctkm, 
direct  for  Missoula  and  all  neighboring  points, 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Franct*eo  oflice  -21-1  Montgoim-ry  Sl> 


1863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1862 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES 


MULLER'S  optical  depot 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective   vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,   free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^■AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. ^y 


J.  0.  SPREGKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

...  AQENTS     FOB.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Seed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327   Market  Street, 

Comer  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Falace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


i 


3&1/Sp 


THE  OAKLAND  FERRY 


ry"OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES  "-^"g. 


and  Pressed Pure,  Mild,:        ^ALLEX  &  G INTER, 

\RSTTS  5. Fragrant  and  Sweet.       imhiuhwh,   ■  ittnami,   T«- 


ICOLL1HE  fWAIIiOR 


POPULAR     PRICES! 

LARGE    STOCK! 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free. 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


POPULAR    TAILOR 

Men's  and  Boys'  Men's    Furnishing     Coods. 

Ready-Made  Clothing.  And  Fancy  Heckwear. 


816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


o 


SIBEEIAIsT    BALSAlil 

CURES    Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold-,  Auc- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  1  i 
eases  of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.      It  reaches    li 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause- 

DEPOT.    415    NONTKOMERY    STREET.  For  «de  by  all  DmgglM"' 


III   its- Ask    For          Q 

W  illows  Deer. 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts. ,  San  FranciBco. 

ATKINS    MASSE V. 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSE  Y     &     Y  U  N  0  , 
No.    til     M(lil\li:MU    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sam  Francis  '  . 

"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior    in 

QUALITY 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Garli.  Ma 
NOTHING  ELSE 

HewtonBras.ftCo. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


Razor 


AN 
Extraordinary 

HAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
elides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  i»  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  bo  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  plaee  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  O.ueen'8  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  arc  now  making  PEARL  ana 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  murvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


KOIILER  A  CHASE,  137  to  139  Post  SI., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiano 

Also  for  the 
risen  I. U  and  the  iMinsos  FlnnoH. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 


H.  i\.  Willi ar,  Jr. 


A.  Carlisle. 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Deweese,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 

C.   n.    Moore, 

O  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 

Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  B.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Franoisco 

H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Ccnfectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 


THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO.     _ 

$3,000,000^ 


Capital  Paid  ITp 
Reserve  If.  S.  Bonds 


4,500,000 


.      "  '  H.  B.  Underbill,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 

Prentiss  Sklbv,  Sup  t.  _^ 

Selbv    Smelting    and    l^eacl    Co. 

^-^  '  MANUFACTURERS  OF   

-  „      .   «.„*  i^7i^mi  Pis  lead",  solder,  Anll-I  ncdon  Metal,  Lead 

_  p.Pe,  ^jgs&SMSSgMSri  '"?<=•  ^-.-Ttf^—i 

Re^Ool^d  sf,^Ba5°rnEdRLYcadSBTu,'?ionET-  I-  -  ««0-  Purchased. 


DANICHEFTp 
Kid  Gloves  •*- 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 

OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPEECKELS    &    BRO'S, 
327    Market    Street, 

OWNEES   OF 

Spredcels'Line   of   Packets 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


w 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

HITE    ROSE    TTLOTTIR 


UANVFACTUBED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

£2T  sec  local  notice  In  another  column, 


Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion.  __^^_^^__ 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLK   AGENTS   FOR 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Chlcterlns&Sons.BoBton;Bluthner  .Leipzig; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;    G.  Bchwecbten, 

Berlin.  '       ___._ 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAB  MARKET.  SAN  FRANOISCO. 


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J.  J.  PALMER. 


Valbntinb  Rby. 


■whiskey.  "g« 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World.       ^F* 

ask  your 
Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


PALMER  &  BEY, 

Importers  orPrlntlng  and  Lithographing 

IPIRIESSIES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerlcssand 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,  405«fe  407  SansoineSt.S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  preeses, 


CRAIG     &.      KREMPLE 

8UC0E8SOBB    TO 

Craig   and  Son, 

UNDE  RTAK  E  RS 

And    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  8047. 


■wnFPOT.  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO."^ 


DRT^^^jj^sMa  BEER. 


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CD 


^ .  .  ,  ^-^TTTT^T?^  n     i    li  METeTP John    Wigmore,      *®S 


g^DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St.)S^| 


HAS     JLKANOKO     VILLAGE      €AK1S. 

(Piano  Box  wiTn  Top.) 

The  above  style  of  Cart  is  very  handsome,  and  is 
the  kind  purchased  largely  by  those  who  employ  two 
horses,  but  it  may  also  be  used  with  one.  It  is  a  very 
good  kind  for  livery  stable?,  andisoften  preferred  to  a 
buggy  by  the  patrons  of  such  establishments.  They 
are  made  with  either  rubber-cloth  or  full  leather  tops. 
Catalogues  giving  full  information  Bent  on  application. 
Village  Riding  Carts  vb.  Breaking  Carts. 

It  must  be  understood  that  San  Leandro  Village 
Carts  are  not  breaking  earte,  but  pleasure  vehicles — 
like  buggies.  One  of  the  most  serious  obstacles  that 
the  makers  of  riding  or  pleasure  carts  have  to  en- 
counter is  the  fact  that  the  country  is  full  of  these  so- 
called  breaking  carts  or  vehicles  modled  after  them 
and  retaining  their  objectionable  featur«B.  Many  per- 
sons who  contemplate  buying  a  cart  take  an  experi- 
mental ride  in  one  of  those  tiresome,  bobbing  arrange- 
ments, and  after  going  a  half  mile  alight  with  a  firm 
conviction  that  they  have  had  enough  of  two-wheeled 
vehicles  ;  and  it  is  but  the  truth  to  say  that  the  mo- 
tion of  a  cart  in  which  the  seat  is  connected  to  the 
shafts  is  nearly  as  tiresome  and  unpleasant  as  horse- 
back riding  on  a  hard-trotting  horse.  But  with  a  cart 
so  constructed  and  hung  as  mine  are— with  the  body 
wholly  independent  of  the  shafts— all  that  trouble  is 
thoroughly  overcome,  and  to  prove  that  such  is  the 
case  I  will  send  a  cart  to  any  responsible  person,  to  he 
paid  for  after  trial,  if  It  shall  prove  to  ride  as 
easily  as  the  best  bnggy  and  be  capable  of  being 
made  level  whether  a  large  of  small  horse  is  used,  the 
purchaser  to  be  the  judge  as  to  whether  the  guarantee 
is  sustained  or  not 

I  have  sent  very  many  carts  to  total  strangers  on 
the  above  conditions  and  I  have  yet  to  have  one  re- 
turned, nor  have  I  lost  a  dollar  by  so  doing. 

Jacob  Prle«, 

Inventor  and  Manufacturer. 
San  Leandro,  Oaf. 

TRUMAK,  ISHAM  A  CO., 

Ml  Market  St.,  San  Francisco,  Cal.  agenta. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.   Box,  1886. 
Address: 

VALENTINE     HASSMER, 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 

Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry. 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 
SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

11$   SITTER    STREET, San  Francisco,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER. 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, Sail  Francisco. 

JHO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Box,  2086. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS , 81,200  .000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
T>.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wm.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  "W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSUBANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Capt.  A.  M.  BurnB,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ^^^^^  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       ;       ;   $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L,  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Or  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F.  . 


PEMBROKE,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  Fine  Fans  and  Art  Brlc-a-Brac  repaired,  312  O'Farrell  Street,  near  Powell,  San  Francisco. 


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AS  A  BEVERAGE, 
AS  A  REMEDY, 


NECTAR  ! 
-     SOVEREIGN  ! 


AS  AN  APPETIZER, 
AS  A  WHOLE, 


UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED  ! 


An  Unfailing  Cure  for  all  Malarial  Diseases,  Dyspepsia  and  Debility. 


J  CELEBKATED 

/IPAGNEW1NES 

>nm&  Gbldbjimahn  At,  en  duumpamie. 

II FT     BLANC- Extra    Drj  , 

Id  cases  quarto  and  pints. 

.BINES'     GREEN      SEAL, 

Id  baskets,  quarta  and  pints. 

V\   BED   AND  millK   WINES, 

«fl  from  Messrs.  A-  dc  Luze  &  Fila. 

HOCK     WINES, 

from  G.  M.  Pabetmann  Sohn,  Maina. 

ss  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Bole  Agents, 
Hll  It ItlLMl)        STREET. 


ia 


flBERLAIN  &  EOBINSON 

pnopniETHRB. 


IACIFIC 

BUSINESS 

COLLEGE. 
32Q 


Post    ig. 
Street)  Bit 


END  FOR  CIRCULARS   | 

Leopold  Bro's 
LOEIST 

POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
iqneta  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


8 

MOiNT'Y 

Street. 


tographer 


For  Beautifying  and  Preserving  the  Teeth. 

FOR    HALE    BY    ALL     l>I,  I  ..<.!- 1 


Jamba  Bbjia.         A.  Booguhraz.         R.  McKek. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Vine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  JnebHOn   Street*, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


sen 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co. 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON    J.    UAKIW," 

"J.    F.    COTTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

Old    Bonrbon    Mhlskle*. 

408    FRONT     STREET,   S.    F. 


ITZ 


Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHAEDS    &    HAERISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
».  W.  Corner    KANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets,    San   Franelseo. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonio  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  P.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


ftl  ANOfl  Hazelton  Bros 

I 


HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  St,,  ftnn  PranrlHco,  Cal. 


""  Excelsior  !  "        '*  Excelsior  ! " 

O.     ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR. 

No.  5  Montgomery   street  (llusonle  Temple), 


SAN    FIUNCIHCO. 


iBI  COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extraetini<  teeth  without  pain.) 
IIAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    (,    8    and      10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street 

Dr.  CHAM    W.    DECKER,  Dentist 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and  Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondenta  In  WaHhinirton,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


First  Class,   % 
Medium  Price,  A 

FULL    VALUE     II 

FOR   TOUR  MONEY  %J 


HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 

A.p/L  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 
647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


\  M  GARY  &  CO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

OR    MERCHANTS, 

ana  824  FRONT  STREET, 
iNCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 

FIELD  &  TEVisT" 

Importing, 

ing  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

and     192     Front     Street, 

A180  

ito,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  8s  0o*8 

fyBUDWEISER  BEER*] 


WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IK 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal, 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

Tbe  Highest  Standard  of  Excellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The    Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 

td 


^Received  awards  or  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  tne  Best  Work- 
mansbln. 


[EUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STiLES. 


N   E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


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tu§* 

2£ 


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BUY  YOUB   SHIRTS   AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CftBMANY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

successors  to 

GOODWIN  &  OO. 

Manafacturera,  Wholesale  and   Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  an«  Bedding, 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULM  ANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  ban  J? lanclBi  o. 
Fresli  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakeB 
made  to  Order.     Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  OAV 


IAR     and 

Sausages. 


WESTPHALIA    HAMS        German 

A.  i:b:bs<  hi,. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DUT  MONOPOLE  (extra), 

!..  !:oll>I  1:1  1;  (strmt  mill  dry), 
jiokt  .v  1  ;i  v  \  [».m. 

VEUVK    IU<l|[[«r, 

For  sale  b,    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431  BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYH    WORKS. 

(Johm  F.  Snow  4  Co.) 
jO-  Address  aU  orders  to  PALACE  DTE  WORKS. 

63S  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits  GioveB,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
CI1AS.  J.  HOLMES,  l'roi». 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(OCULIST.) 

TjlORMERLY  AT  No.  S13  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
r  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  h.  to  3  p.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

%'<>■..  114  nnil  lie  Market  street, 
N  <>».  II  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      VT.  N,  Mjllbr,  Supt. 
D.  A.  M  \<  I>0\  \1.1>,  FTealdeat. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,  Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sasbes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  2S5  Spear  St.,  318  (o?*6  Stuart  it. 

San  Franoihoo,  Cau. 


LICK  HOUSE 

OH     IHB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  f  umiahed  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant 

THE   HANDSOMEST   MMNW-R00M 

In  the  World. 
Wiu.    F.   IIARIilsOV,   Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUUAN.  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       BAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer'and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 

of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS.  DIMOND  &  CO 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN   FRANCISCO. 

AGENT8  FOR  PACIFIO  MAIL-  S.  8.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ct> 
nard  Royal  Mail  8  S.  Co.  j  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders*  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Go.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works  ;  the  Glasgow  Iron,  Co. 
Nicn.  Ashton  &  Sou'b  P*lfc 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


w 

§  f  Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Wines  and  Liquors 


olters  Brothers &Co  F"",aso° dambm.  hbbeicasanota 

F.DANERI&Co., 

Dealers  In 

WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

W  and  29  <  ulJfornln  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Immmi,     -      -    8AN  FRANCHCO 


821  California  Street,  San  Francisco 


JjAfl  pAiiUSCOjsjTOCK  DEEWERY, 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 


OUE  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND    WARRANTED   TO 


Corner  of  Powell 

AM). 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLB. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


latial 

Ctapapfi 


DEI  AND  EXTRA  DRY 


(^dl  ^mtlJiV^  fe  Stf 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    "•" 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FEENCH  CHAMPAGITES, 

ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES. 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

BSTNone  Gen-rune  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Label  and  Cork..£jK 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

ir_626  MONTGOMERY  ST.  a.  S.E.CQR.SUnERSDUPOJT.ST^ 

S.F.         ^ 


^^^p^as^is^g^^^^; 


Drink 

BOCA 

Beer. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    •«    the    Pacific 
Owut. 

Office 

■106    Sacrament*    Street, 

Sah  Francisco. 


I-     P.    DFG^N-    Make 


Wdiei  l-Toot  Leather  tlelung. 
13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco, 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


O  p, 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful         * 

809  MONT<;OHKiev  St.,  San  Franelset. 

H  .    N .    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of  ' 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

4*ft    MAKKBT    STREET, 

(Oor.  Fremontt  Sam  pRArTorsoCk    I 


Every    Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.     MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  C'ommisslOB  Her- 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &Co, 

UirORTHRS    OF 

IP  J±.  IP  IE    Tl 


OP    ALL     KIHDB. 

413  and  415  Sansom?  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Elghtli  and  BrannaB  streets- 

OLAU8  8PRE0KELS President 

J.  D.  SPRECKHLS    Vlee-Preidml 

A.  B.  SPREOKEL8 Secretarj 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN     FItASiCISt'O. 

llanofaeturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugnr  for  export. 
C.  Al«>l.rllt  LOW,  Prealdedl 
•fBee—  8«8  <  all  Torn  ia  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


STANDARD   LEATHER   BELTTTWr.  *•  .?•  cook  &_  son, 


°VOL.  10. 


J^?3  5 


CASH  1|S<, 


THE 


riwrt^THap-AB  O  U  N  D 


THE        CORNER 


THE     WASP 


THE     TOURNEY     IN     MID-AIR. 


F:om   the    German,  After  Willomitar. 


It  was  towards  midnight.  The  head-waiter  at 
the  ''  White  Fawn  "  energetically  turned  off  one 
gas-jet  after  another  and  shot  hateful  glances  at 
the  last  two  remaining  guests,  who  still  gave  no 
thought  to  their  departure.  One  of  these  two 
guests  was  a  young  blonde  with  an  open,  gentle, 
intelligent  countenance.  It  Was  Florian,  the  book- 
keeper in  a  wool-house.  Tho  other  appeared  sin- 
ister, leering  and  taciturn,  and  was  called  Wen- 
delin. 

"  Yes,  as  I  have  told  you,"  remarked  the  blonde 
Florian,  "  a  year  from  to-day  I  shall  be  a  million- 
aire and  famous.'' 

"  And,  how  will  you  go  about  it  1  "  asked  Wen- 
delin. 

"  That  is  my  secret,"  arswered  Florian. 

Then  he  blew  the  smoke  of  his  '  '  Britannica  " 
thoughtfully  before  him  and  said  :  "  However,  if 
you  give  me  your  word  of  honor " 

"  0,  pray  ;    with  pleasure." 

"  Well,  then,  the  thing  is  simply  this  :  I  have 
invented  a  sbeerable  air-ship." 

"  0  thunder  !  I  congratulate  you.  And  have 
you  tested  it  already  ?  " 

"  Not  yet,  but  the  success  is  beyond  doubt. 
Since  my  uncle,  who  died  last  week,  left  to  me  his 
little  fortune  I  have  already  given  notice  to  quit 
my  position,  so  as  to  proceed  with  the  realization 
of  my  project." 

A  demoniac  gleam  floated  across  the  countenance 
of  Wendelin.  "Anton,"  he  cried,  "bring  two 
more  bottles  of  wine  !  " 

"  I  can't  drink  any  more,"  declared  Florian, 
"  I  have  beside " 

"  But  I  beg  of  you  ;  we  must  drink  to  the  steer- 
able  air-ship.  I  can  tell  you,  I  am  heartily  pleased 
that  you  have  made  that  '  tremendous  '  inven- 
tion. I  have  always  said  it :  '  Mr.  Florian  is  a 
genius.'  " 

Florian  flattered,  smiled.  The  waiter  brought 
the  wine  with  badly  concealed  rage.  Wendelin 
filled  the  glasses  ;  they  touched  glasses  to  the  suc- 
cess of  the  steerable  air-ship.  Florian  hastily 
drained  his  glass,  then  a  second  and  then  a  third. 

"  Dear  Mr.  Florian,"  suddenly  began  Wende- 
lin, wreathed  in  a  sweet  smile,  "  could  you  not  con- 
tide  to  me,  sub  rosa,  in  which  way  you  intend  to 
contrive  the  steering  of  the  air-ship.  The  matter 
interests  me  exceedingly." 

The  unsuspecting  Florian  produced  a  pencil  and 
began  to  elucidate  his  plans  by  drawing  upon  the 
marble-plate  of  th«  table,  while  Wendelin  watched 
breathlessly  the  disclosure  of  the  whole  project. 
"  You  see  the  whole  joke  is  this  :  I  hitch  here  in 
front  of  the  air-ship  four  strong  eagles.  Sitting  in 
this  boat,  I  take  a  long  pole,  from  the  end  of 
which  a  large  piece  of  raw  meat  is  suspended.  As 
I  thrust  the  pole  well  out  to  the  right,  all  the  four 
eagles  eagerly  fly  in  that  direction,  intent  upon 
capturing  the  meat,  in  consequence  thereof  they 
naturally  draw  the  air-ship  to  the  right  ;  were  I  to 
hold  the  pole  to  the  left,  the  eagles  would  bend 
their  flight  to  the  left.  In  short,  I  have  the  whole 
affair  completely  in  my  power." 

"  Ah,  that's  '  not  bad,"  cried  the  cunning  Wen- 
delin, and  hit  the  table  with  his  fist  so  that  the  two 
wine  bottles  struck  together  with  a  crash.  "  Ah, 
that  is  not  bad  ! — that  is  my  own  idea  !  " 

"  How  so  ?  "  asked  Florian,  astonished. 

' '  My  idea  it  is ;  my  invention.  Already,  a  year 
ago,  the  same  thought  occurred  to  me,  and  natur- 
ally it  does  not  enter  my  mind  to  forego  the  ad- 
vantages which  ought  to  accrue  to  the  veritable 
author  of  this  project. 

"  Wendelin,  don't  make  bad  jokes  !  "  cried 
Florian,  gradually  coining  to  his  senses. 

"  What  do  you  call  it  :  jokes  ?  "  audaciously  re- 
plied Wendelin.  This  invention  is  my  intellectual 
property  and  I  shall  make  such  use  of  the  same  as 
suits  my  purpose. " 

Red  sith  rage,  Florian  arose.  "I  understand," 
said  he  with  tremulous  voice,  "  you  have  in  a  per- 
fidious manner  coaxed  my  secret  out  of  me  and  in- 
tend to  steal  my  idea." 

Wendelin  shrugged  his  shoulders  and  gave  vent 
to  an  icy  laughter.  Florian  rushed  upon  him  ;  the 
waiter  hastened  to  his  side,  and  with  much  trouble 
succeeded  in  parting  the  combatants. 

The  next  day  Wendelin  received  the  following 
letter  : 

Sib  :— For  a  year  past,  day  and  night,  have  I  tried  to 
solve  the  problem  of  a  steerable  air-ship.     All  my  hopea 


for  the  future  are  based  upoD  my  invention.  You  would 
appropriate  the  fruits  of  my  research.  Let  fate  decide 
between  us.  I  make  the  following  proposition  :  We  are 
to  go  to  some  remote  point  of  the  globe  where  we  are  to 
be  unobserved  in  the  trial  of  my  invention  (which  you 
allege  to  be  your  own).  We  are  to  rise  each  in  an  air- 
ship steered  by  eagles  Each  to  hold  in  one  hand  the 
steering-gear — idem,  the  pole  with  m^at-attachment  ;  in 
the  other  a  hay-fork.  Arrived  at  a  certain  height,  we  are 
to  let  our  respective  balloons  fly  past  each  other  until  one 
of  us  succeeds  in  ripping  open  the  balloon  of  the  other 
with  his  hay-fork.  The  gas  of  the  ripped  balloon  escap- 
ing, the  vanquished  is  precipitated  into  the  depth  below 
and  irremediably  lost,  the  victor  remaining  in  undisturbed 
possession  of  the  invention.  El.ORTAN. 

Thereupon  Wendelin  answered  : 

Sir  : — With  confidence  in  my  good  right  I  accept  your 
proposition  with  pleasure  and  look  forward  to  your  further 
arrangements.  Wendelin. 


In  the  midst  of  Central  Africa,  one  beautiful 
morning,  sat  a  cannibal  chief  beside  his  wife,  who 
held  his  hopeful  offspring  in  her  arms.  The  canni- 
bal, a  well-fed  man  in  his  best  years,  was  supremely 
jolly,  for  he  had  just  captured  during  a  jaunt  a 
traveling  Englishman  and  his  daughter,  and  that 
catch  revealed  to  him  the  prospect  of  a  sumptuous 
repast. 

"  Go  old  woman,"  said  he,  "fetch  your  kitchen 
encyclopedia,  so  we  can  look  up  in  what  manner 
you  should  prepare  the  Englishman  and  his  daugh- 
ter." 

The  female  cannibal  brought  the  book  on  cook- 
ery, referred  to  the  letter  "  E  "  and  read  : 

Englishman  roasted  ;  Englishman  steamed  theordinary 
way ;  Englishman  d  la  venison  ;  Englishman  Tagoiit  ;. 
Englishman  Mayonnaise;  Englishman  avx  sardelles ; 
Englishman  with  roasted  maccaroni  ;  Englishman  aux 
fines  herbes. 

"  Well,  do  you  know,"  remarked  the  cannibal, 
"  the  lady  you  may  fix  right  off  for  dinner,  steamed 
in  the  ordinary  way,  and  the  Englishman — you  pre- 
pare him  «  la  venison  for  supper." 

"  Yes,"  said  the  wife,  "  but  then  you  must  have 
the  kindness  to  kill  them  a  little,  right  away.  I 
don't  succeed  in  that,  because  they  would  excite  my 
pity  too  much." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  cannibal,  picking  up  his 
club,  "that  shall  be  done  immediately. " 


Wendelin  and  Florian  had  made  all  the  prepara- 
tions for  their  singular  duel.  In  the  vicinity  of 
Machimba  they  both  ascended  one  morning,  each 
in  an  air-ship  constructed  after  Florian's  inven- 
tion, drawn  by  four  eagles. 

The  scene  which  soon  occurred  high  up  in  the 
air,  under  the  deep-blue  canopy  of  heaven,  was 
quite  as  interesting  as  it  was  horrible.  About  an 
hundred  paces  apart  from  each  other  both  balloons 
remained  at  equal  elevations;  then  both  combat- 
ants shoved  out  simultaneously  their  respective 
baited  poles.  With  mad  shrieks  both  teams  of 
eagles  set  themselves  in  motion,  and  quick  as  light- 
ning the  balloons  rushed  closely  past  each  other. 
Looking  back,  Florian  discovers  with  horror  that 
his  balloon  is  already  almost  touched  by  the  prongs 
of  Wendelin's  projected  hay-fork.  The  yell  of 
Wendelin's  devilish  laughter  sounds  appallingly 
across.  Now  Florian  collects  himself  ;  with  one 
weighty  thrust  of  his  hay-fork  he  parries,  at  the 
last  moment,  the  weapon  of  his  opponent  and  un- 
injured speeds  his  balloon  past  that  of  Wendelin. 
Wendelin  appeared  thereat  somewhat  disconcerted. 
At  the  second  round  he  behaves  with  more  reserve. 

It  was  Florian  this  time  who  assumed  the  offen- 
sive. Energetically  he  seized  his  fork  at  the  moment 
when  Wendelin's  balloon  floated  paBt.  Florian  in- 
clined forward,  made  one  powerful  lunge  to  rip  the 
balloon — lost  his  balance  and  with  a  terrible  cry 
of  anguish,  dropped  down  into  the  depth. 


Regardless  of  the  entreaties  of  the  two  victims, 
tha  cannibal  was  just  preparing  to  smash  the  skull 
of  the  aged  Englishman  and  that  of  the  young  Eng- 
lishwoman when  suddenly  a  peculiar  fluttering 
rustle  became  audible,  a  human  figure  was  precipi- 
tated from  the  skies  directly  upon  the  cannibal,  who, 
uttering  a  terrible  roar,  was  a  corpse  at  the  next 
moment.  But  the  human  shape  that  came  down 
from  heaven  was  no  one  else  than  Mr.  Florian.  He 
had  lost  his  equilibrium  during  the  appalling  duel, 
but  not  his  presence  of  mind.     In  order  to  ease  the 


impetus  of  the  horrible  drop  to  the  best  of  his 
ability,  he  had  held  the  hay -fork  downward  in  a 
vertical  position,  so  it  might  break  the  fall  when  he 
struck  the  earth.  By  these  means,  since  Florian 
lit  upon  the  soft,  fat  body  of  the  cannibal  (whom 
he  transfixed  with  his  bay-fork)  the  shock  became 
still  further  enfeebled.  Florian  also  recovered 
himself  forthwith  in  the  embraces  of  the  English- 
man, who  was  crying  out  of  pleasure,  and  in  that 
of  tho  youthfully  charming  maiden,  while  the 
female  cannibal  with  her  child  speedily  took  to 
flight.  After  the  Englishman  had  listened  to  the 
most  important  part  of  Florian's  history  he  said 
with  emotion  : 

"  Young  man,  you  have  saved  our  lives.  I  am  a 
rich  merchant,  am  called  Edwaid  Brown,  Esq.,  and 
am  about  to  travel  into  the  deseit  of  Sahara,  there 
to  establish  a  sand  exporting-businesss.  I  nomi- 
nate you  herewith  my  partner  and  son-in-law. 

Bashfully  blushing  sank  the  young  Englishwoman 
into  the  arms  of  Mr.  Florian,  while  he  emotionally 
kissed  her  father's  hands. 

The  Englishwoman  and  Mr.  Florian  became  huB- 
band  and  wife,  and  Florian  undertook  the  manage- 
ment of  the  "  First  African  Sand  Export  business," 
who  are  now  at  the  high  grade  of  prosperity.  I 
myself  obtain  all  the  "  sand  "  necessary  to  write 
my  stories  from  that  firm.  To  his  invention  Florian 
gave  no  longer  any  thought,  for  during  his  terrible 
fall  he  had  made  a  vow  never  again  to  ascend  in  a 
balloon. 

But  the  treacherous  Wendelin  found  a  bad  end. 
Namely,  when  he  perceived  poor  Florian's  fall  he 
was  so  overjoyed  that  he  became  convulsed  with 
laughter,  so  that  the  meat  dropped  from  the  end  of 
his  guide-pole.. 

Scarcely  did  the  eagles  notice  this  than  with 
ravenous  desire,  they  shot  down  to  capture  the  fall- 
ing bait.  Through  this  Wendelin  was  pitched  out  i 
of  his  boat,  and  he  likewise  was  precipitated  into 
the  depth  below  ;  a  few  seconds  after  the  English- 
man and  his  family  had  moved  aside,  Wendelin  fell 
close  to  the  corpse  of  the  cannibal.  Not  enough, 
that  thereby  he  broke  both  his  legs,  but  he  was 
finally  and  totally  devoured  by  the  widow  of  the 
cannibal.  M.  T. 

San  Francisco,  April  9,  188S. 


Why  does  a  kiss  raise  the  spirits  ?     Because  it's 
the  cream  of  ta-ta. " 


The   man  who  signs  another  man's  name  to  a 
check  may  be  said  to  be  forging  ahead  in  the  world. 


A  turkey  gobbler  :  RusBia.  Lying  in  state  :  Di- 
plomacy. A  nabob  :  Shaking  one's  head  in  the 
negative. 


When  an  honest  hen  is  laying  the  foundation  for 
a  family,  and  doing  all  the  hard  work,  some  absurd 
rooster  is  ready  to  do  the  crowing. 


The  Chicago  Inter-Ocean  thinks  that  a  word  is 
wanted  to  define  the  feelings  of  a  young  lady  whose 
bustle  becomes  loose  while  she  is  waltzing. 


We  are  reliably  informed  that  "  when  Kosciusko 
fell,"  it  was  with  a  "sickening  thud."  This  lends 
additional  horror  to  that  melancholy  event. 


"  Now  is  the  time  to  subscribe,"  said  the  cross- 
roads editor  as  he  led  his  wealthy  bride  to  the 
marriage  register  and  shoved  a  pen  into  her  tremb- 
ling hand. 

It  is  said  that  inhaling  the  fumes  of  sulphur  will 
cure  catarrh.  The  course  which  many  people  pur- 
sue in  this  life  gives  promise  that  they  won't  be 
afflicted  with  catarrh  in  the  next. 


Jupiter,  through  a  telescope,  shows  a  red  spot 
90,000  miles  long  and  6,000  wide.  With  a  high 
magnifying  power  this  part  of  the  planet  is  said  to 
look  as  if  a  Chicago  girl  had  rested  one  foot  on  Ju- 
piter on  her  way  to  Heaven. 


Believers  in  the  William-Tell-shooting-the-apple- 
off-his-little-boy's-head-story  will  be  glad  to  hear 
that  there  actually  was  a  Gessler,  notwithstanding 
the  iconoclastic  efforts  to  spoil  the  little  legend  bj 
proving  that  there  was  not.  And  everybody  knows 
that  there  wa3  an  apple. 


THE    WASP. 


A     DISAGREEABLE     MAXIM. 


A  hi,,  r l  ■;  ■■  mvivia]  habits  ■■■■  a  ■  Join  - 

He'd  sometimes  i te  home  to  the  wife  of  his  bosom 

And  try  t"  explain  in  the  huskiest 

That  lii«  legs  were  unwell  and  he  feared   he  should  lose 
'fin, 

in  h  ridiculous  notion  ad\  am  e, 

Proclaiming  at  once  his  un  pleasing  condition  ; 
[mist  upon  going  to  bed  in  his  punts 

Am!  wake  in  the  morning  o'erwhelmed  with  contrition. 
_\<>w  Jonoa  in  perusing  hi-*  paper  one  day 

An  article  read  which  arouse  t   hi*  derision— 
A  temperance  warning,  which  \e<\  him  to  say 

Twas  ■'  ptrapand  n  i  cold  water  mission. 

X.iv.  liquor,  <if  course,  could  be  drunk  bo  excess 

Ami  doubtless  perverted,  as  many  things  may  ; 
But  still,  notwithstanding  and  nevertheless, 

A  little  was  quite  w«jll  enough  in  it*  way. 
He  would  have  gone  on  but  hi*  dutiful  wife 

Saw  fit  to  remark  in  a  withering  tone, 
With  an  irony  keen  as  a  Burgical  knife  : 

•■  You'd  better  let  well  enough  flatly  alone  !  " 

— Bysshe. 
San  Francisco,  April  16,  1888. 


OH,      HOW     1     SUFFER  ! 


Oommnnicated, 


Samples  of  the  usual  spring  crop  of  concert- 
dtfbutantes  have  already  appeared  in  this  market  ; 
ami  not  unlike  the  early  strawberries  their  value 
depreciates  soon  after  their  appearance.  Much 
nsel&s  work  and  vainly  expended  hard  earnings 
are  represented  by  such  debuts.  Presumably  pure 
young  girls  are  placed  in  the  pillory  of  public 
opinion  ;  partly  for  the  gratification  of  an  almost 
unpardonable  vanity,  and  largely  for  the  advertise- 
ment of  their  teachers.  Lately  we  have  had 
several  of  those  interesting  affairs;  they  were  for 
the  most  part  indictable  offences  against  the  peace 
and  dignity  of  the  commonwealth. 

For  all  that  pertains  to  culture,  our  city  seems 
to  be  the  home  of  mediocrity.  But  the  vocal  con- 
certs announced  by  our  local  teachers,  which  serve 
to  introduce  their  pupils  to  public  notoriety,  are 
such  palpable  expositions  of  maniacal  vanity  on  the 
one  hand,  and  of  unscrupulous  rapacity  on  the 
other,  that  the  mitigation  of  mediocrity  is  forfeited, 
and  it  cannot  be  regarded  as  anything  short  of 
pernicious.  It  is  rather  startling  that  ladies  who 
profess  tl  culture  "  should  lend  themselves  to  such 
public  displays.  It  is  in  direct  violation  of  good 
taste.  A  really  well-bred  woman,  who  has  ac- 
quired the  rare  accomplishment  of  a  thorough  musi- 
cal education  would  consider  it  preposterous,  to 
have  a  demand  made  upon  her  to  display  her  musi- 
cal attainments  before  a  mixed  audience  of 
strangers  unless  it  served  a  charity  or  she  contem- 
plated becoming  a  professional  singer.  Both  of 
which  conditions  are  absurd  in  this  connection  ;  it 
is  anything  rather  than  a  charity  to  advertise  some 
"f  our  local  teachers,  aud  it  is  quite  unreasonable 
t  >  imagine  any  of  their  late  crop  of  pupils  will  be* 
come  recognized  as  professionals.  People  who 
were  ever  more  distinguished  for  their  assurance, 
than  fur  their  musical  training,  but  who  managed 
for  a  time  to  occupy  a  prominent  position  upon  our 
lyric  stase,  finding  their  popularity  waning  in  the 
same  proportion  as  their  voices  became  worn, 
avenge  the  fancied  fickleness  of  an  ungrateful  public 
by  inoculating  the  offspring  of  their  patrons,  with 
the  virus  of  their  own  ignorance.  With  a  malignity 
engendered  by  favors  received,  they  systematically 
spoil  the  little  which  nature  has  endowed  their 
pupils  with  ;  and  still  more  frequently  choose  those, 
whom  nature  has  temperately  abstained  from  fur- 
nishing with  anything,  save  parents  with  large 
bank-accounts. 

The  warped  judgment  of  these  "  music-teachers  " 
regards  the  human  voice  and  its  culture  but  as  the 
means  of  advertising  their  trade,  and  they  unblush- 
ingly  appeal  to  the  implied  ignorance  of  the  public. 
Thus  it  is  that  they  select  mostly  stunningly  showy 
compositions  without  any  reference  to  their  intrin- 
sic value  or  fitness;  their  music,  like  themselves,  is 
full  of  vulgar  ostentation  and  the  concerts  are  a 
tissue  of  pinchbeck  melodic  ornamentation,  with- 
out soul,  without  feeling,  without  respectability. 
They  are  simply  musical  butchers  who  are  hired  to 
kill  the  sweetness  of  the   human  voice  at  so  much 


per  lesson  ;  the  quality  of  the  music  which  they 
cause  to  be  studied,  is  enough  to  damn  them  as 
teachers. 

It  is  a  current  rumor  that  the  especial  quality 
which  distinguishes  at  least  one  of  our  so-called  vo- 
cal teachers,  and  that  which  particularly  influences 
his  popularity,  is  the  one  whereby  he  undertakes 
to  make  bis  young  lady  pupils  believe  that  he  is 
dei  i>i>  ld  love  with  every  one  of  them  |  Notwith- 
standing that  he  is  a  married  man,  and  his  wife  a 
teacher  like  himself,  that  trick  pays  so  well  that 
the  wife  is  quit  content  to  wink  at  it.  Pupils  who 
can  be  caught  by  such  chaff  are  not  worthy  of  better 
instruction  ;  but  the  real  mischief  and  the  most 
reprehensible  phase  of  the  business  appear  when  a 
really  earnest  pupil,  endowed  with  a  really  prom- 
ising voice,  unfortunately  happens  to  be  placed 
under  their  care.  Such  a  one  is  indeed  to  be 
pitied. 

Years  of  patient,  anxious  training  ;  of  assiduous 
endeavors  to  reach  excellence ;  of  self-sacrificing 
devotion  to  study  ;  all  are  wasted  because  of  the 
teachers'  incapacity  to  indicate  th"e  proper  course. 
It  is  true  that  we  have  some  respectable  and  capa- 
ble vocal  teachers  in  our  midst,  but  the  number  of 
conscientious  men  and  women  in  that  profession  is 
so  small  in  comparison  to  the  unscrupulous  that 
the  chance  of  finding  the  proper  training  here  is  as 
great  as  naming  the  winner  of  the  next  Derby. 


BECAUSE    WHY? 


It  is  given  out,  amid  great  excitement  in  "  spec- 
ulative circles,"  that  Jay  Gould  is  about  to  retire 
on  board  a  magnificent  yacht  which  is  being  built 
for  him  and  spend  the  remainder  of  his  days  drift- 
ing about  the  world  in  pursuit  of  pleasure.  We 
don't  believe  he  will  ever  catch  up  with  the  quarry 
unless  he  materially  alters  his  plan  of  the  chase. 
The  idea  of  Jay  Gould  floating  around  in  the  inno- 
cent pursuit  of  happiness — a  sort  of  marine  Ras- 
selas,  as  it  were — is  too  absurd  for  serious  consid- 
eration. Why,  the  man  would  starve  to  death, 
morally  and  physically,  if  he  couldn't  be  robbing 
and  devouring  his  neighbors ;  and  after  he  had  ex- 
hausted his  resources  by  getting  up  a  successful 
corner  on  the  wages  of  his  crew  he  would  waste 
away  and  perish  entirely.  But  for  our  own  part 
we  shouldn't  be  surprised  if  the  yacht,  after  being 
solemnly  booked  for  a  three-years  voyage  to  Uto- 
pia, turned  up  some  fine  night  in  New  York  Har- 
bor, just  in  time  for  its  owner  to  scoop  the  market 
next  morning. 

A  shark  who  in  the  prime  of  youth 

Had  feasted  fat  on  leaser  fish 
Found,  when  age  left  him  scarce  a  tooth, 

'Twas  hard  to  catch  the  nimble  dish. 

Quoth  he  :  "  Well,  here's  a  pretty  fix  ! 

Behold,  now,  all  the  dainty  fry 
Have  tumbled  to  my  ancient  tricks 

And  daily  grow  more  scant  and  shy  ! 

A  ruse,  methinkB,  I  need  to  play 

If  I  would  have  a  dinner  more." 
And  so  he  advertised  that  day 

That  he  had  cast  himself  ashore. 

The  foolish  tribe  swam  glibly  back  ; 

Sir  Shark  sprang  from  a  hidden  pool, 
And  chuckled,  while  he  took  his  snack  : 

The  master  licks  his  truant  '  school.'  " 


THE     WICKED     FRENCH. 


THE     ARTISTS'     FEED, 


The  unusual  occasion  of  seeing  a  great  number 
of  professed  artists  of  both  sexes,  in  peaceful  assem- 
blage at  dinner  was  accorded  to  a  select  number  of 
invited  guests  on  the  eveningof  Wednesday  last.  It 
was  one  ot  those  occasions  which  mark  an  epoch  in 
our  intellectual  progress,  for  it  was  the  first  time 
hi  the  history  of  the  S.  F.  Art  Association  that  the 
artists  have  been  collectively  considered  as  an  in- 
tegral part  of  that  institution,  and  Col.  A.  G. 
Hawes,  who  originated  this  idea,  must  feel  grati- 
fied at  the  ready  appreciation  with  which  it  has 
been  received.  The  artists,  in  recognition  of  his 
friendship  for  them,  presented  him  with  an  album 
of  sketches  which  contains  many  intrinsically  valu- 
able works,  and  which  will  serve  as  a  pleasant  re- 
minder of  a  pleasant  occasion. 


Because  French  novelists  and  dramatists  find  a 
favorite  topic  in  various  phrases  of  marital  intidel- 
it\ ,  (says  the*  Philadelphia  Tim*  >>  many  people  con- 
clude that  French  society  must  be  terribly  impure. 
They  do  not  stop  lo  think  that  this  very  choice  0 
subjects  is  based  upon  two  essential  facts  which 
are  characteristic  of  French  society  — the  modest 
seclusion  of  unmarried  women  and  the  indissolubil- 
ity of  the  marriage  bond.     Tin-  adventures  of  mar 

ried  people   could  not  possess  any    picturesq 

dramatic  interest  in  America,  for  the  simple  reason 
that  when  a  man  getfl  tired  of  his  wife  he  divorces 
her  and  marries  another — like  Mr.  Tabor  or  Mi. 
Sprague  or  Mr.  Hutchins — and  there  isnoneeessity 
or  opportunity  for  the  intrigues,  the  fallings  oul 
and  the  reconciliations  that  form  the  stock  in  trade 
of  the  French  novelist.  Some  persons  may  think 
that  our  way  is  the  best,  but  that  it  tends  to  purity 
of  morals  or  to  the  sanctity  of  home  the  French 
may  be  permitted  to  doubt. 

As  to  the  greater  freedom  of  American  girls,  who 
may  pass  unharmed  through  numerous  love  afiairs 
before  they  settle  down  to  married  life,  we  are 
accustomed  to  praise  it  as  superior  to  the  restrictive 
manners  of  France.  A  French  girl  has  but  little 
chance  even  for  an  innocent  flirtation  before  her 
marriage,  and  after  marriage  even  flirtation  be- 
comes a  crime.  At  least  we  good  Americans,  when 
we  see  this  kind  of  thing  at  the  comic  opera,  think 
it  very  shocking.  And  yet  when  we  read  the  court 
proceedings  from  day  to  day — the  reports  of  seduc- 
tions and  profligacy  and  vice  and  crime  in  well-to- 
do  families  —the  question  will  arise  whether  our 
dear  American  girls  are  so  much  safer  after  all, 
and  whether  M.  Zola's  disgusting  pictures  of 
Parisian  low  life  might  not  find  their  parallel  in  a 
stratum  of  American  life   that  is  relatively  higher. 


A  confirmed  old  womao  hater  says  that  a  mule 
and  a  setting  hen  and  a  woman  all  have  the  same 
set  stvle  about  them,  when  their  mind  is  made  up. 


Editor  Bartlett  makes  a  pathetic  appeal  in  the 
Bulletin  for  the  Golden  Gate  Park.  We  agree  with 
Mi*.  Bartlett  that  something  must  be  done  for  the 
park,  also  that  $10,000  at  this  period  will  do  more 
good  than  $20,000  a  few  months  hence,  but  we 
strongly  object  to  the  way  this  accomplished  jour- 
nalist has  of  putting  things.  For  example,  Mr. 
Bartlett  will  say  all  that  he  has  to  say  on  that  sub- 
ject in,  we  will  suppose,  forty  lines.  Now  forty 
lines  do  not  constitute  a  day's  work,  so  Mr.  Bart- 
lett will  continue  and  say  the  same  things  over 
again  in  forty  additional  lines.  Eighty  lines,  how- 
ever, will  not  satisfy  his  employers,  so  he  repeats  his 
argument  in  still  an  additional  forty  lines,  thus 
hammering  the  topic  to  the  thinness  of  paper  in  a 
hundred  and  twenty  lines.  This  is  the  trouble 
with  the  Bartlettian  essays,  and  if  Editor  Bartlett 
when  he  does  say  a  sensible  tiling,  as  in  this  Park 
article,  would  only  let  it  stand,  and  squander  him- 
self on  another  topic,  we  should  he  among  the  first 
to  congratulate  him  on  the  change. 


General  Cook's  remarkable  inactivity  is  a  sur- 
prise to  his  friends,  and  all  acquainted  with  his 
brilliant  military  record.  The  Arizona  Rangers 
who  are  now  in  the  field,  swear  that  their  valor  will 
put  to  the  blush,  the  regular  troops,  but  the  Ran- 
ger's enemies  state  that  they  are  an  idle  worthless 
lot,  who  love  whisky  more  than  fighting,  and  who 
have  no  ear  for  the  music  of  an  Apache  yell. 
Meanwhile  the  Apache  is  industriously  butchering 
the  unprotected  teamsters,  and  prospectors,  and 
committing  atrocties  that  one  cannot  read  of  with- 
out a  shudder.  A  portion  of  the  Arizona  press  de- 
mands that  those  Indians  shall  be  massacred,  and 
another  portion,  deprecates  the  massacre  idea,  and 
wants  them  moved  into  the  Indian  territory.  This 
is  not  unlike  the  case  of  the  cat  and  the  mice.  The 
latter  decided  that  a  bell  hung  around  pussy's  neck 
would  be  an  excelledt  idea,  but  no  mouse  could  be 
found  bold  enough  to  take  the  contract.  Who  will 
move  the  Indians  ? 


For  a  quiet  country  place,  a  wholesome  and  un- 
pretentious village.  San  Rafael  is  making  a  fair 
criminal  record  this  season.  A  young  man  was 
shot  by  a  Deputy  Sheriff  on  Sunday,  and  on  Mon- 
day another  young  man  committed  suicide  because 
the  father  of  a  little  girl  he  had  illtreated  gave  him 
a  beating.  The  picnic  season  is  a  great  help  to  the 
country  towns.  It  brings  their  names  before  the 
public,  and  the  latter,  remembering  their  existence, 
visits  them,  and  spend  its  holiday  money  for  the 
benefit  of  those  municipalities. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


APRIL    21,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


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Xio  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 

It  is  thought  by  the  thoughtless  that  the  anti- 
monopoly  movement  which  bids  fair  to  become  so 
important  a  factor  in  the  politics  of  the  near  fu- 
ture has  in  it  an  element  of  communism,  nihilism, 
socialism  ;  that  it  is  distinctly  related  to  agrarian- 
ism  ;  that  it  is  a  revival  of  the  Sandlot—  an  uneasy 
movement  of  the  proletariat.  Many  well  meaning 
and  intelligent  men  whose  natural  sympathies  and 
interests  lie  in  the  direction  that  this  movement  is 
actually  taking,  and  upon  whose  cooperation  its 
leaders  have  a  right  to  count,  are  giving  it  but  a 
secret  and  half-hearted  support  ;  and  others  of  the 
same  class  regard  it  with  positive  aversion  as  a 
menace  to  property.  They  altogether  mistake  the 
character  of  the  movement,  the  temper  and  dispo- 
sition of  those  making  it.  The  mandate  comes  not 
from  below,  but  from  above.  The  growing  anti- 
monopoly  sentiment  is  in  no  sense  an  illustration 
of  the  tramp's  dominance  in  politics  ;  it  is  rather 
an  evidence  that  gentlemen  are  finding  time  to 
speak  and  act  as  well  as  think.  The  young  party 
does  not  as  yet  include  the  workingmen  ;  it  is  com- 
posed of  men  of  affairs — men  who  have  material 
interests  imperiled  by  the  unrestrained  power  of 
corporations.  Its  organs  are  not  The  Palladium  of 
Labor  and  The  Orphan's  Vindicator,  but  such  high- 
class  periodicals  as  The  North  American  Review  and 
The  Nation.  The  battle  against  Monopoly  may 
succeed  or  it  may  not  ;  but  at  all  events  it  has  been 
begun  by  gentlemen  wielding  the  discriminating 
sword,  not  by  tramps  brandishing  the  universal 
torch. 


Every  day  brings  to  light  some  new  rascality  in 
connection  with  the  old  Harbor  Commission,  and 
every  new  rascality  is  one  which  the  Commission- 
ers could  have  brought  to  light  themselves  if  they 
had  attended  to  their  duties.  In  striking  Gray, 
the  lightning  of  exposure  fell  pretty  close  to  them, 
and  their  consternation  was  evident ;  since  then  it 
has  been  hitting  in  a  desultory  way  at  minor 
scoundrels  more  or  less  remote,  and  the  central 
suspects  have  resumed  the  control  of  their  nerves, 
though  Gray's  arrival  will  probably  set  them  shak- 
ing again.  It  may  be  urged  that  this  language 
implies  a  belief  that  the  late  "Harbor  Commis- 
sioners had  guilty  knowledge  of  the  work  of 
Gray  and  his  confederates,  but  this  is  not  so  ;  we 
believe  they  had  a  guilty  ignorance  of  it.  They 
could  have  known  ;  they  knew  there  was  something 
to  know  ;  but  they  did  not  dare  to  learn.     If  the 


Grand  Jury  which  we  believe  is  now  in  session  will 
take  the  trouble  to  investigate  the  doings  of  these 
gentlemen — particularly  their  relations  with  one 
Andrew  Onderdonk,  a  contractor  who  supplied 
material  for  the  seawall — it  will  probably  come  to 
understand  the  immunity  from  investigation  en- 
joyed by  one  having  knowledge  of  the  situation,  as 
Gray  must  have  had.  In  plain  English,  we  think 
the  old  Board  of  Harbor  Commissioners  performed 
their  trust  in  a  highly  conscientious  and  honorable 
manner,  and  that  Controller  Dunn  ought  to  set  a 
watch  upon  them  with  a  purpose  of  discovering  the 
secret  of  their  efficiency. 


The  sharp  demand  for  labor  in  the  Hawaiian 
Islands  is  entailing  there,  as  it  did  here,  the  mis- 
chief of  Chinese  immigration.  The  Chinaman  has 
an  alert  aptitude  at  getting  himself  taken  to  points 
where  he  is  needed  but  not  wanted.  By  Honolulu 
advices  of  the  9th  inst.,  we  learn  that  two  thousand 
coolies  have  recently  arrived  at  the  Islands,  and 
that  five  thousand  are  on  their  way.  The  matter 
is  provoking  a  feverish  discussion  in  political  circles 
there.  Among  other  arguments  urged  by  those  who 
favor  restriction,  it  is  suggested  that  unlimited 
Chinese  immigration  will  provoke  unfriendly  action 
on  the  part  of  the  United  States,  which  have  de- 
clared themselves  a  distinctly  anti-Mongolian 
power.  We  think  the  point  well  taken  ;  as  soon 
as  the  issue  is  fairly  made  between  American  and 
Chinese  possession  of  the  Islands 'some  action  is 
likely  to  be  taken  in  which  it  is  feared  that  the  in- 
terests of  the  original  owners  may  not  be  kept  as 
clearly  in  view  as  they  would  otherwise  have  been. 
We  should  suppose  that  even  a  sugar  planter  could 
see  that  whenever  it  can  be  plausibly  urged  that 
the  main  advantages  of  the  existing  commercial  re- 
lations .between  the  United  States  and  Hawaii  ac- 
crue to  the  Chinese  the  days  of  those  relations  will 
be  numbered.  We  are  not  likely  long  to  maintain 
treaties  thatencourage  Chinese  occupancy  of  regions 
that  we  expect  ourselves  eventually  to  occupy. 


The  Goodall-Perkins  combination's  dirty  fin- 
ger-marks can  be  found  pretty  much  everywhere  ; 
it  rakes  in  from  every  point  of  the  compass.  It 
now  appears  that  it  has  secured  an  unfair  advan- 
tage over  other  subscribers  to  the  Merchants1  Ex- 
change ;  its  vessels  being  reported  for  less  than  the 
others  have  to  pay.  It  seems  to  be  a  custom  at  the 
Exchange  not  to  post  the  names  of  vessels  sighted 
off  Point  Lobos,  nor  to  notify  subscribing  con- 
signees, until  this  hateful  corporation  has  been  ap- 
prised and  had  time  to  take  such  advantage  of  the 
situation  as  its  multifarious  interests  may  require. 
One  well-known  ship-owner  and  subscriber  to  the 
Exchange  avers  that  when  one  of  his  vessels  went 
ashore  at  Point  Reyes,  and  the  captain  telegraphed 
the  news  to  the  Exchange,  it  was  withheld  so  long 
that  Goodhall,  Perkins  &  Co.  's  tug-boats  were  out 
at  work  for  salvage  some  hours  before  he  was  himself 
notified.  These  and  many  other  disgraceful  facts 
came  out  at  a  meeting  of  the  Chamber  of  Commerce 
on  Tuesday  last,  called  to  hear  the  report  of  a  com- 
mittee of  their  body  charged  with  the  duty  of  in- 
vestigating the  Exchange's  relations  to  its  sub- 
scribers. The  Committee's  report — which  was  ac- 
cepted— had  a  step-motherly  harshness  about  it  in 
singular  contrast  to  the  truly  tolerant  and  affection- 
ate minority  report  signed  by  Captain  Goodall  and 
Mr.  Moses  Heller— the  former  being  the  gentleman 
who  profits  by  the  indecent  advantages  complained 
of  by  the  Chamber,  the  latter  the  gentleman 
who  accords  them. 


After  the  second  trial  of  the  star-route  states 
men  has  lasted  four  or  five  months,  at  the  Lord 
knows  what  expense,  we  are  electrified  by  the  news 


that  a  fresh  statesman  has  been  indicted  and  a  fresh 
indictment  found  against  one  already  on  trial. 
The  Attorney-General  evidently  does  not  mean  to 
leave  a  stone  unturned  that  has  any  money  under 
it :  he  will  employ  counsel  at  a  hundred  dollars  per 
day  per  head  as  long  as  he  can  get  a  judge  to  listen 
to  reason.  It  would  have  been  a  trifle  cheaper  to 
let  tbe  Brady-Dorsey  gang  go  on  stealing,  but  we 
should  have  lacked  the  moral  advantage  of  the  great 
example.  That  Senator  Kellogg  is  to  have  his 
turn  in  the  prisoner's  dock  (and  be  tried  for  four 
months  at  an  expense  of  three  hundred  dollars  a 
day)  is  matter  of  national  congratulation,  for  there 
are  still  two  or  three  men  in  the  country  who  are 
not  convinced  that  he  ought  to  have  been  in  the 
penitentiary  for  the  last  fifteen  years,  and  it  is  de- 
sirable that  public  sentiment  be  made  unanimous. 
It  may  be  expedient  to  nominate  Senator  Kel- 
logg for  the  Presidency  some  day,  and  the  good 
man  would  not  poll  the  full  vote  of  his  party  if 
anybody  suspected  that  he  was  not  a  thief. 


School  Director  Melcher,  it  appears,  hasbeenmak- 
ing  himself  familiar  (not  unduly  so,  we  trust)  with 
the  duties  of  his  high  station  by  visiting  the  public 
schools  and  reporting  his  observations  to  the  Board. 
Mr.  Melcher  was  especially  pleased  with  the  sing- 
ing— a  circumstance  which  says  a  good  deal  more 
for  his  susceptibility  to  pleasure  than  for  his 
susceptibility  to  music  ;  it  proves  that  his  ear 
is  distinguished  for  length  rather  than  for  deli- 
cacy. This  singing  in  the  public  schools  is  many 
kinds  of  an  insufferable  outrage.  It  costs  money 
and  time,  and  it  irreparably  destroys  whatever 
remnant  of  a  child's  musical  talent  may  have  sur- 
vived tbe  mother's  lullaby,  the  street-corner  hand- 
organ  and  the  domestic  piano.  There  is  not  one 
teacher  in  a  hundred  who  knows  anything  whatever 
about  singing,  yet  any  one  of  them  whom  it  may 
amuse  Providence  to  put  into  the  right  grade  must 
teach  it.  And  the  instruction  is  by  class  ;  by  class 
the  small  sufferers  lift  up  their  voices,  unsettle  the 
braces  of  their  lungs,  strain  their  gullets  and  crack 
their  gizzards  to  achieve  a  volume  and  quality  of 
noise  distinctly  inferior  to  the  evening  petition  of 
a  penful  of  pigs  to  the  Giver  of  All  Swill.  We  hold 
the  conviction  that  the  howling  dervish  who  intro- 
duced singing  into  the  public  schools  ought  to  be 
shot. 


Another  sore  trial  to  the  parental  feelings  is  the 
"  penmanship  "  folly.  Who  does  not  instinctively 
detest  the  man  who  "  writes  like  copper-plate  "  1 
What  man  of  brains,  if  such  a  hand  were  natural 
to  him,  would  not  gladly  pay  some  diswriting- 
master  to  unteach  it  him  ?■  The  enemies  of  their 
race  have  invented  "  systems  of  handwriting. "  The 
same  savages  go  round  making  flourished  eagles, 
plumy  vegetation,  landscapes  a  la  curiyqueue  and 
scrolly  George  Washington^.  They  have  foisted 
themselves  and  their  hateful  art  upon  the  public 
schools  and  we  support  them  while  they  endeavor 
to  make  our  children  all  write  alike,  and  all  alike 
hideously.  It  is  absolutely  certain  that  ten  years 
after  leaving  school  not  a  pupil  of  them  all  will 
form  a  single  letter  as  lie  has  been  taught.  Unless 
he  is  now  a  drooling  idiot,  or  is  to  be  a  slavering 
writing-master,  the  boy  who  to-day,  with  tongue 
acheek  and  legs  intertwisted,  is  doubling  himself 
up  like  a  nut-cracker  at  his  horrible  task  of  making 
pot-hooks  and  trammels  according  to  rule,  will  in 
one  decade  from  now  be  writing  as  his  father  and 
his  two  grandfathers  and  his  four  great  grandfathers 
wrote,  before  him.  Upon  this  rock  of  heredity  he 
will  build  his  style  and  the  gates  of  no  system  shall 
prevail  against  it.  The  writing-master  should  be 
shot,  along  with  the  other  crank. 


thf:    wasp. 


THE     USUAL    SPRING     RACKET. 


When  the  clam  begins  t<>  howl 

And  the  oyster  wags  its  bail; 
When  the  f\ -ti\r  guinea-fowl 

Wakes  the  echoes  with  its  wail ; 
When  the  gladsome  bumble  bee 

Whets  the  warm  end  of  its  sting, 
Smiling  in  expectant  glee,— 

We  may  know  that  it  is  spring. 

When  the  buxom  bull  calf  bawls, 

Anil  the  catawampus  yells. 
And  the  imri-amri  crawls 

O'er  the  slimy  sea-side  shell?  ; 
When  the  gyaskutus  squawls 

And  the  wood-tick  shaves  his  wing  ; 
When  the  dog-cart  filly  balks, — 

We  may  know  that  it  is  spring. 

When  the  poet  yawps  his  yawp 

And  the  maudlin  maiden  rhymes  ; 
When  the  infant  stuffs  his  crop 

Through  the  day  a  hundred  times  ; 
When  the  frog  begins  to  croak, 

And  the  Thomas  cat  to  sing  ; 
When  the  ulster  goes  to  soak, — 

We  may  know  that  it  is  spring. 

When  the  giddy  shemale  hies 

To  the  shades  of  Badger's  Park, 
And  the  brave  cop  swiftly  flies 

From  the  Imodium  in  the  dark  ; 
When  in  baths  of  Monterey 

Breech-clothed  dames  are  wallowing, 
Like  a  school  of  whales  at  play, — 

We  may  know  that  it  is  spring. 

— F.  L.  Foster. 


CHAFF. 

Ricardo  and  August  quarrel  over  billiards;  chal- 
lenge follows  ;  seconds  chosen  ;  time  and  place  of 
meeting  set;  Ricardo  and  seconds  appear  on  selected 
grounds  ;  August's  seconds  without  August  appear. 
Consternation  ;  wild  search  for  August,  who  is 
found — playing  billiards. 

Seconds — Wretched  August  !  Do  you  not  know 
this  is  the  hour  set  for  the  duel,  and  Ricardo 
waits  ? 

August — Let  him  wait. 

Seconds — You  will  not  go  ? 

August — I  will  not. 

Seconds — But  you  will  be  called  a  coward  ! 

August — Which  suits  me  much  better  than  to  be 
called  a  corpse.     Ta-ta. 

Cease  this  talk  about  San  Francisco  dudes  ;  we 
have  none.  The  Nation,  which  has  seriously 
analyzed  the  dude,  concludes  that  it  is  merely  a 
brainless  loafer,  dressed  in  very  good  taste.  Our 
loafers  only  till  half  the  bill  ;  they  do  not  dress  in 
good  taste. 


Ralph  Smith,  alias  "  R.  S.  S.,"  "  Paul 
Dard,  '  "  Smithy/'  "  Alfred  Bardie  "  "  Sun- 
set Smith, "  "  Red  Smith, "  and  all  that, 
when  his  ailing  eyes  caused  his  tempor- 
arily retirement  from  newspapering,  and  before 
he  went  to  Honolulu  to  run  a  paper  there,  was  ser- 
geant of  the  Park  Police.  It  was  characteristic  of 
him  that  he  made  his  first  arrest  in  the  Park  in  the 
following  manner  :  Overtaking  an  offending  driver 
who  had  persistently  broken  the  ten-mile-an-hour 
limit  rule,  Smith  raised  his  hat  courteously,  and 
with  tears  in  his  voice,  said  :  "  Sir,  it  affords  me 
the  most  exquisite  pain  to  inform  you  that  you  are 
under  arrest.  If  you  will  be  kind  enough  to  men- 
tion a  date  when  it  will  entirely  meet  your  con- 
venience to  appear  in  the  Police  Court  and  answer 
to  the  charge  of  fast  driving,  I  shall  have  the  un- 
happiness  to  appear  there  to  prosecute  you.  It  is 
a  lovely  day,  is  it  not  1  " 

The  offender,  overcome  with  emotion,  sobbed  out 
a  date,  and  Smith,  uttering  a  melting  apology  for 
the  interruption,  permitted  him  to  depart — at  a 
speed  of  twelve  miles  an  hour. 

An  order  is  soon  to  be  issued  by  the  Major  Gen- 
eral commanding  the  Division  of  the  Pacific, 
abolishing  all  the  military  posts  in  Arizona  and 
New  Mexico,  and  locating  the  troops  now  there  in 
the  San  Francisco  Posts.  It  is  time  that  a  stop 
should  be  put  to  such  cruel   and  unchristian  treat- 


ment of  the  Apaches.      Deprived  of  his  customary 
soldier  to  scalp  and  PobI  I  iommandertooul 
what  joy  will  be  left  for  the   Apa  His 

existence   will  be  as  dull   and    borouB  as  a  Sunday 
pic-nic  without  a  h ilum  murder. 


Which  reminds  me  :  On  Friday  afternoons  the 
Light  Battery  out  at   the    Presidio   has  a  drill  on 

the  baseball  grounds  there  located.  Last  Friday 
an  awkward  gunner  broke  off,  but  did  not  obsei  1 1 
it,  a  foot  of  ramrod,  in  loading  one  of  the  cannons, 

It  was  tired  in  the  direction  of  a  ball  game  then  in 
progress.  The  catcher,  mistaking  it  for  the  ball, 
took  it  on  the  fly  in  a  nonchalant  manner,  then 
looked  at  it  in  some  surprise,  and  tossing  it  aside, 
said  to  the  striker  :  "  Say,  young  feller,  ef  yer 
don't  stop  tossing  yer  broken  bats  round  here  ye'll 
get  tumped  in  de  teeth." 


I  notice  that  the  reason  Mr.  Thomas  McCormick, 
slogger,  refused  to  fight  Mr.  John  Howard,  slogger. 
was  because  he  considered  it  would  "  impair  his 
claim  for  the  light-weight  championship."  Noth- 
ing more  honest  than  this  h**s  been  recorded  since 
a  prominent  member  of  the  Pioneer  Rowing  Club, 
of  this  city,  explained  his  eleventh-hour  refusal  to 
row  a  race  on  the  grounds  that  to  row  it  would  im- 
pair his  chances  for  victory. 


She  wore  a  hard  hat  with  a  spread  eagle  pigeon 
on  it,  and  it  was  remarked  of  her  as  she  went  by, 
"  Is  she  trying  to  indicate  her  conviction  that  the 
Holy  Ghost  has  descended  upon  her  I  " 


This  from  the  groves  of  Academe  :  The  boy, 
reading  a  Latin  Ode,  scans  Lycoris  with  the  accent 
on  the  first  syllable.  The  teacher  excitedly  asks  : 
"  Do  you  think  a  Roman  called  his  girl  Licorice,  as 
you'd  call  yours  Gum-drop  ?  " 


Puzzled  Reader  of  Society  News— What  does 
it  mean  when  it  says  Miss  Tompkins  conducted 
herself  "  as  to  the  manner  born  "  I 

Cynical  Friend — In  Hamlet,  where  the  expres- 
sion first  occurred,  it  means  accustomed  to  see 
everybody  get  very  drunk. 


What  does  a  great  author  do  when  a  beginner 
sends  him  his  first  book  ?  Oh,  he  just  encloses  his 
card  with  regrets.  Boutville. 


TWO     CAHALINS, 


School  Directer  Cahalin  is  a  man  of  apparent 
nerve  ;  indeed  he  might  appropriately  say  in  the 
words  of  Mrs.  Gamp  :  "  Fiddlestrings  is  weakness 
to  expredge  my  nerves. "  Other  peculiarities  of  Mr. 
Cahalan's  physical  construction  are  a  gall  of  un- 
limited capacity,  and  a  cheek  that  might  have 
served  as  a  target  at  the  recent  100-ton  gun  ex- 
periments at  Spezzia.  Besides  his  nerve,  his  gall 
and  his  cheek,  Mr.  Cahalin  also  has  a  daughter,  who 
until  recently  was  teacher  in  a  sixth-grade  class. 
That  the  progeny  of  a  School  Director  should  oc- 
cupy so  humble  a  position  in  the  Department  was 
of  course  absurd,  but  that  she  should  leap  suddenly 
from  such  comparative  obscurity  to  the  exalted 
position  of  Vice-Principal  of  one  of  the  largest  gram- 
mar schools  in  the  city  was  more  than  even  her 
friends  expected  ;  especially  as  she  has  only  been 
two  years  in  the  Department.  Yet  this,  and  noth- 
ing less,  is  what  her  enterprising  parent  has  ac- 
complished, to  the  infinite  astonishment  and 
natural  vexation  of  scores  of  teachers  who  possess 
five  times  the  young  lady's  experience  and  ability. 
Not  that  there  was  any  difficulty  about  the  trans- 
formation. The  "  solid  eight  "  did  it,  and  what 
the  "  solid  eight  "  can't  do  in  the  way  of  favoritism 
is  not  worth  mentioning.  The  number  is  con- 
venient as  well  as  omnipotent,  because  the  Director 
whose  darling  is  up  for  promotion  can  safely  vote 
against  the  measure,  the  other  seven  being  sufficient 
tn  carry  it.  On  this  occasion,  however,  Mr.  Caha- 
lin's  paternal  solicitude  overcame  what  sense  of 
decency  he  may  possess,  and  he  voted  flat-footed 
for  the  outrageously  unjust  preferment  of  his 
daughter.  Of  course  Cahalin  is  no  worse  than  the 
rest  of  the  "solid  eight."  His  offense  is  made 
manifest  because  his  favorite  being  his  daughter 
there  was  no  concealing  the  matter.  Had  she  been 
his  sweeth3art,  or  worse,  very  few  people  would 
have  known  anything  about  it.  Besides  it  is  less 
reprehensible  for  a  Director  to  give  his  daughter  a 
boost  at  the  expense  of  the  public  service  than  to 
perform  the  same  service  for  his  mistress.  But  for 
all  that,  fiddlestrings  is  weakness  to  expredge  Caha- 
lin's  nerve. 


ONE     OF     THE     GORGON     GIRLS. 


The  following  narrative  is  altogether  incredible 
and  entirely  true.  On  a  recent  Sunday  the  choir 
of  one  of  our  fashionable  churches  received  a  flat- 
tering invitation  to  viait  Cattle  Snobkins  and  favor 
the  lady  castellan  with  some  music.  This  intima- 
tion may  have  been  a  command,  but  in  transmission 
h  the  leader  rf)f  the  choir  it  was  softened  to 
a  civil  and  hospitable  request,  and.  as  such  accepted. 
After  morning  service  the  good-natured  choir — 
comprising,  by  the  way,  several  young  women  of 
goi  td  family,  who  si  n^  con  amort  -climbed  the  Bteeps 
of  Snob  Hill  and  presented  themselves  at  the  castle 
gate.  In  due  time  they  were  conducted  into  the 
presence.  In  one  of  the  lofty  apartment*  so  fre- 
quently and  enthusiastically  described  by  the  base- 
born  reporters  sat  my  lady  in  state,  inexpressibly 
be-jeweled,  fearfully  and  wonderfully  clad,  the 
sable  semi-circle  of  her  measureless  train. adorned 
with  a  couchant  poodle.  She  bowed  not,  neither 
did  she  smile  ;  she  made  no  sign,  but  the  sweet 
singers  were  not  slow  to  exalt  their  voices  lest  her 
Gorgonean  stare  should  petrify  their  "  organs  "  ere 
they  could  begin.  Having  sung'  themselves  out  of 
breath  without  eliciting  any  visible  sign  of  rec<  igni- 
tion, they  withdrew  from  before  the  throne  and  re- 
tired from  the  audience  chamber.  They  folded  their 
music  like  Arabs  and  silently  stole  away.  There 
was  no  luncheon  ;  there  was  no  wine  ;  there  were 
no  thanks.  There  was  nothing  but  the  haunting 
memory  of  that  Medusan  stare— awtul  in  the 
might  of  its  matchless  vulgarity,  and  in  the  ter- 
rible tranquility  of  its  paralyzing  menace.  May  it 
be  sanctified  to  their  souls. 


USELESS     RELIGION, 


The  holy  drones  who  clothe  their  ribs  with  dis- 
honest fat  by  publishing  religious  newspapers  have 
a  singularly  secular  way  of  manifesting  the  dis- 
pleasure given  them  by  one  another's  existence. 
For  example,  the  pious  prayerman  of  the  Protes- 
tant Occident  tapers  off  an  argumenf  with  the 
solemn  psalmodist  of  the  Catholic  Monitor  as 
follows  : 

And  now,  dear  Monitor,  don't  get  mad,  and  go  to  call- 
ing names.  You  can't  mend  the  matter  that  way.  It  is 
not,  we  assure  you,  of  the  slightest  use  ;  we  have  got  you, 
and  we  don't  mean  to  let  up  for  all  your  slangwhangtug 
and  ink-slinging.  And  as  to  Dr.  Alexander,  whom  we 
know  pretty  well,  we  are  confident  that  he  will  acknow- 
ledge beforehand  that  you  are  a  bigger  blackguard  than  he 
is,  and  will  not  contest  that  matter  with  vou. 

We  really  do  not  discern  any  need  of  the  grace 
of  God  shed  abroad  in  our  hearts  ;  it  is  easy  enough 
to  write  that  way  without  it.  In  our  own  unre- 
generate  state,  not  having  the  light  of  the  Gospel 
in  our  path  nor  hearing  the  beating  of  the  angels' 
wings  round  about  our  ears,  we  can  call  a  man  a 
blackguard  with  reasonable  precision  and  a  percep- 
tible effect  upon  nis  temper,  to  the  imminent  im- 
periling of  his  immortal  part. 

The  new  Postmaster-General  "  starts  in  '  as  a 
civil  service  reformer  in  the  approved  way  of  all 
new  officials,  from  President  of  the  United  States 
to  Janitor  of  the  National  Dog-pound.  Each  one 
believes  that  he  is  superior  to  that  of  which  he  is 
the  creature.  Mr.  Gresham's  confidence  in  him- 
self is  manifested  by  instructions  to  the  effect  that 
in  making  appointments  the  recommendations  of  a 
Senator  shall  have  no  greater  weight  than  that  of 
any  private  citizen.  This  is  charming.  The  at- 
tempt to  ignore  the  most  cherished  privilege  of  a 
body  of  men  who  can  at  any  moment  paralyze  his 
every  action  and  drive  him  from  office  marks  the 
practical  character  of  Mr.  Gresham's  mind  ;  that  is 
to  say,  it  shows  that  he  is  practically  a  fool.  Six 
months  hence  he  will  be  graveling  his  knee-pans  to 
forty  Senators  a  day,  entreating  their  permission  to 
appoint  his  own  cousin  to  the  postmastership  of 
a  cross-roads  in  the  State  of  Indiana. 

Free-born  American  sovereign  reads  from  Eng- 
lish newspaper  to  yoke-worn  British  subject. 
"  '  The  Prince  of  Wales  shot  three  red  deer  last 
Tuesday.'  Now  there's  where  the  flunkeyism  of 
you  Britishers  comes  in.  Who  cares  whether  he 
killed  three  red  deer'or  not  ?  If  he  wasn't  a  Prince 
the  papers  wouldn't  mention  it." 

Yoke-worn  British  subject  reads  from  American 
newspaper  in  reply  :  "  '  Kissi'mee,  Fla.,  April  10. 
President  Arthur  caught  a  ten-pound  trout  last 
night.'  " 

Silence  reigns 


THE     WASP 


THE     LATE     MR.     WILKINS, 


A    Tale    of    Ineffectual    Jealously. 


I,  Henry  Winkle,  had  a  wife,  a  beautiful 
creature,  with  eyes  of  transcendent  blue  and  a  face 
as  lovely  as  a  poet's  dream.  No  form,  was  fairer, 
no  nature  more  inclined  to  passionate  love  than 
was  that  of  my  darling  Inez.  I  wooed  her  in  1880 
at  Santa  Cruz — in  the  surf — and  I  won  her  in  1881 
in  the  parlor  of  her  father's  residence  on  Jackson 
street,  Oakland.  We  were  married  in  June  1882. 
During  three  months  succeeding  our  marriage  we 
lived  in  grand  style.  I  lavished  all  that  wealth 
could  purchase  upon  her,  and  she  told  me  that  she 
was  happy.     She  even  told  me  that  she  loved  me. 

One  day  I  was  taken  suddenly  and  serionsly  ill 
at  my  office.  A  frightful  weight  seemed  to  have 
been  laid  upon  my  heart.  When  it  seemed  to  have 
been  removed  I  wandered  out  into  Pine  street. 
The  first  acquaintance  I  met  was  Jack  Murphy, 
Secretary  of  the  Grim  Poverty  G-.  S.  M.  Co.,  and 
I  hailed  him  as  he  passed,  but  he  paid  no  attention 
to  me  and  I  supposed  that  he  was  absorbed  in  some 
scheme  for  putting  another  hole  in  the  ground  on 
the  market,  that  being  a  favorite  pastime  of  his. 
At  the  corner  of  Montgomery  street  I  met  Dick 
Murdock  face  to  face  and  held  out  my  hand  to  him, 
but  he  passed  me  by  with  an  expression  as  blank  as 
a  sheet  of  foolscap.  Having  given  Murdock  some 
"  pointers  "  on  wild  cat  by  which  he  had  lost 
heavily,  I  supposed  that  he  was  angry  with  me  and 
I  resolved  to  cut  him  as  severely  as  he  had  cut  me, 
at  the  tirst  opportunity.  Entering  a  saloon  I  ap- 
proached the  bar  and  called  for  a  brandy  cocktail, 
at  the  same  time  asking  Bill  Ragsdale  and  Charlie 
McClintock  to  join  me,  but  nobody  took  any  notice 
of  me  and  I  repeated  my  order  and  my  invitation. 
Still  I  produced  no  effect  and  the  barkeeper  served 
several  gentlemen  who  came  in  after  I  did.  I  was 
puzzled  to  understand  this  singular  conduct  until 
Ragsdale  called  for  a  whisky  punch  and  invited  Mc- 
Clintock to  join  him  ignoring  me.  I  left  the 
saloon.  The  unaccountable  conduct  of  those 
whom  I  had  met  and  addressed  soured  me  to  such 
an  extent  that  I  resolved  to  take  no  notice  of  any- 
one unless  they  should  first  speak  to  me.  Between 
the  saloon  and  my  office  I  met  a  dozen  men  with 
whom  I  was  intimate,  and  they  all  passed  me  with- 
out recognition. 

When  I  passed  through  the  open  doors  of  my 
office  the  first  object  that  met  my  gaze  was  the 
body  of  a  man,  stretched  face  downward  upon  the 
floor.  Thinking  that  perhaps  it  was  some  drunken 
acquaintance  who  had  reeled  in  from  the  street  and 
stumbled  insensible  to  the  floor,  my  first  impulse 
was  to  kick  him  into  an  upright  posture  and  eject 
him  from  the  office.  I  was  angry.  I  had  been 
treated  with  contumely  by  my  bosom  friends  and  I 
felt  like  venting  my  anger  on  the  first  object  that 
came  in  my  way.  I  stepped  forward  to  execute  my 
design  when  a  sharp  ejaculation  behind  me,  caused 
me  to  turn.  My  confidential  clerk  stood  in  the 
doorway.  He  did  hot  look  at  me  but  riveted  his 
gaze  upon  the  prostrate  form  in  the  middle  of  the 
floor.  I  addressed  him  in  a  sharp  tone  of  voice, 
demanding  why  he  had  permitted  that  inebriated 
beast  to  enter  the  office  in  that  condition.  He  paid 
no  attention  to  me  but,  rushing  through  me,  turned 
the  risrid  carcass  over.  I  saw  the  face.  It  was  the 
countenance  of  myself  !  Like  a  flash  it  occurred 
to  me  that  I  was  dead  !  I  endeavored  to  pincn 
myself.  My  impalpable  fingers  pinched  through 
my  intangible  flesh. 

My  clerk  started  back  from  my  body  with  a  cry 
of  terror  and  in  another  moment  the  office  was 
filled  with  men,  and  as  they  bent  over  my  corpse  I 
understood  why  they  had  failed  to  recognize  me  on 
the  street.  I  cannot  describe  my  feelings  at  this 
moment,  for  one  must  die  as  I  died  fully  to  appre- 
ciate the  singular  medley  of  sensations  that  over- 
came me.  I  glided  along  behind  the  coroner's 
wagon  when  they  conveyed  my  body  to  the  morgue; 
I  stood  beside  the  medical  butchers  when  they 
carved  it  at  the  autopsy  ;  I  listened  to  their  cold- 
blooded comment  on  the  condition  of  my  blood,  my 
mode  of  life  and  the  probable  amount  of  money  I 
would  leave  for  my  young  widow,  who  they  all 
agreed  would  not  wear  weeds  much  longer  than 
decency  absolutely  required.  You  may  imagine 
how  I  chafed  under  all  this.  They  pronounced  it 
heart  disease  and  the  coroner's  jury  dismissed  the 
affair  with  a  verdict  to  that  effect.  The  obituary 
notices  in  the  newspapers  (and  you  may  rest 
assured  I  read  them  all)  spoke  of  me  in  the  highest 
terms.  I  was  "  highly  esteemed,"  "  a  citizen  uf 
sterling  integrity,"  "  a,  worthy  member  6f  the  com- 


munity," and  I  left  "  a  young  wife  and  a  large 
circle  of  devoted  friends  to  mourn  my  untimely 
death."  I  am  very  grateful  to  the  young  men  who 
wrote  those  notices,  but  I  must  inform  them  that 
they  were  in  error  with  regard  to  that  "  mourning 
widow." 

Out  of  respect  to  myself  I  attended  my  funeral. 
It  was  a  very  creditable  affair  and  a  due  amount  of 
decorous  grief  was  manifeste  1,  and  my  "  mourning 
widow,"  I  am  bound  to  admit,  never  soiled  the  lace 
handkerchief  which  she  held  over  her  eyes  during 
the  services — although  those  present  imagined  that 
she  was  overwhelmed  with  grief.  At  the  grave  she 
was  attended  by  a  younger  man,  and  it  did  not  re- 
quire much  penetration  for  even  a  ghost  to  perceive 
that  other  thoughts  than  grief  for  the  "  dear  de- 
parted," agitated. the  mind  of  my  wife.  That  even- 
ing the  young  man  called  upon  my  widow  "  to 
condole  with  her."     I  was  present  at  the  interview. 

"  I  didn't  think  the  old  fellow  would  pop  out  so 
soon,"  remarked  this  model  young  man  as  he 
seated  himself  on  the  sofa  besides  my  "  mourning 
widow." 

"  Neither  did  I, "  replied  my  amiable  spouse  ; 
"  but  then  he  was  old  enough  to  die,  you  know, 
and  I  don't  suppose  it  made  much  difference  to  him 
how  or  when  he  made  his  exit. "  Nice  language  for 
a  bereaved  wife  to  indulge  in,  was  it  not  1 

"  I  suppose  we'll  have  to  wait  a  month  or  two 
before  his  widow  can  become  my  wife,"  remarked 
this  cold-blooded  wretch,  placing  his  arm  around 
her  waist  and  glaring  down  on  her  with  a  lacka- 
daisical, love-lorn  glance  which  the  heartless 
coquette  returned  with  interest. 

"  Longer  than  that,  my  dear,"  she  replied  nest- 
tling  up  to  him.  "  Society  you  know,  requires 
that  I  should  pretend  to  sorrow  for  him  at  least  a 
year.  But  my  heart  is  all  yours,  my  darling  Fred- 
erick, and  always  has  been.  As  you  are  aware,  it 
was  only  at  my  father's  stern  command  and  the 
hope  that  he  would  die  as  soon  as  possible  that  I 
consented  to  marry  him." 

Those  personal  pronouns  "  he  "  and  "  him  "  re- 
ferred to  me.  I  make  this  explanation  to  dispel  all 
ambiguity  and  relieve  my  dear  wife  of  any  imputa- 
tion tending  to  convict  her  of  a  desire  for  her 
father's  death.  Continuing,  this  divine  woman,- 
this  devoted  wife  of  mine,  remarked  : 

"  I  wouldn't  have  married  him,  you  know,  if  he 
hadn't  been  old — and  rich  !  " 

"  How  much  do  you  think  he  left  ?  "  inquired 
the  noble  Frederick,  kissing  her  on  the  forehead 
and  running  his  lily  fingers  caressingly  through  her 
luxuriant  bangs. 

"  About  a  hundred  thousand,"  answered  his 
darling. 

"  A  hundred  thousand,"  he  repeated,  "  quite  a 
snug  little  sum.  We'll  invest  it  in  solid  securities 
and  after  we've  skipped  over  Europe  we'll  settle 
down  in  the  old  fellow's  villa  at  Fruit  Vale  and  en- 
joy ourselves." 

"  Yes,  my  dear,"  and  she  absolutely  crawled  up 
on  his  shoulder. 

Then  I  got  mad.  I  gnashed  my  immaterial  teeth 
and  clutched  wildly  at  my  shadowy  hair.  I  per- 
formed a  ghostly  war-dance  in  my  rage  and  fling- 
ing myself  violently  at  the  cooing  wretches  found 
myself  curvetting  frantically  in  an  adjoining  vacant 
lot,  having  passed  through  the  lovers  and  the  walls 
of  the  house.  Returning  through  the  window  I 
tried  to  "  influence"  the  center-table  as  I  had  seen 
tables  "influenced"  at  spiritual  seances,  intending 
to  lift  it  at  the  heads  of  the  pair,  but  in  vain,  "the 
conditions  "  were  not  propitious,  and  I  was  com- 
pelled to  howl  unheard  and  unseen  while  my  widow 
and  her  damnable  Frederick  hugged  each  other 
and  laid  their  plans  for  making  "  Old  Winkle's  " 
coin  fly. 

What  can  1  do  ?  I  appeal  to  a  generous  public. 
I  am  dead,  it  is  true.  I  am  nothing  but  a  poor, 
miserable,  useless  incorporeity.  But  even  a  ghost 
has  feelings,  and  it  is  an  outrage  that  they  should 
be  trampled  upon  in  this  wanton  manner.  I  have 
consulted  with  a  number  of  ghosts — married  ghosts 
whose  acquaintance  I  have  made  since  I  died — 
but  they  all  sadly  remark,  "  It  can't  be  helped. 
You  can  only  hope  that  he  will  get  drunk  and  beat 
her.  Then,  perhaps,  she  will  think  more  kindly  of 
you — but  it  is  not  very  likely  and  our  own  experi- 
ence does  not  confirm  the  supposition." 

Ex -Winkle. 

San  Francisco,  April  12,  1883. 


Be  careful  to  whom  you   "lend  your  influence  " 
if  you  would  have  it  back. 


FOREIGN     FUN. 


FRENCH. 

A  lady  and  her  boy  six  years  old  pause  before  the 
window  of  a  tobacco-shop  ; 
"  Mama,  buy  me  a  pipe," 
"  But,  my  dear,  ladies  do  not  buy  pipes." 
"  You  can  say  it  is  for  me  !  " 


Unto  her  youthful  daughter  Laura  said  :    "  Fear  Love, 

He  is  a  serpent,  other  monsters  far  above  ; 

All  young  and  pretty  girls  should  dread  his  venomed 

fangs — 
Their  poison  causes  everlasting,  bitter  pangs. 

Now,  if  this  raging  foe  appears  to  you, 
All  armed  to  strike,  in  mien  demoniac, 
Tell  me  how  you  will  ward  off  his  attack  ?  " 

"  I'll  run  away."  "  But  should  he  then  pursue  ?  " 
"  Oh,  well,  mamma,  your  fears  need  not  attend  me  ; 
If  he  should  follow,  Colin  will  defend  me  !  " 


"  Let  me  alone,"  said  a  young  girl  to  an  old  man 
who  was  trying  to  kiss  her. 

"  But,  my  dear  girl,  at  my  age,  it  is  no  crime  for 
you  to  embrace  me." 

"  That  is  just  why  I  will  not  do  it,"  said  the  lit- 
tle rogue. 

GERMAN. 

Governess  :  What  would  you  do,  Bessie,  if  a 
hungry  old  man  should  come  in  the  room  now  and 
see  us  so  comf oHably  eating  ? 

Bessie  :    I  would  give  him  your  pie  ! 


Coachman  :  I've  been  bringing  the  doctor  to 
your  house  for  six  weeks  past ;  what  is  the  mat- 
ter ? 

Servant  (mdifferenily)  :  Oh,  it's  only  the  mis- 
tress ;   she  isn't  well  unless  she's  sick. 


Student  ;  Waiter,  hasn't  my  friend  Muller  been 
here  \ 

Waiter  (reflecting)  :  Miiller — Muller — yes,  cer- 
tainly, the  gentleman  has  just  paid  and  is  gone. 

Student.   Paid,  has  he  ? — then  it  wasu't  Muller. 


A  butterfly  flies  into  the  school-room  : 
Teacher  ;  Peter,  what  is  that  butterfly  called  ? 
Peter  :     A  death's-head. 
Teacher  :     Correct.     Where  does  it  belong  ? 
Peter  :     Out-of-doors,  sir  ! 


A  :     Why  does  one  see  Madame  S.  so  seldom  ? 
B  :     She  has  to  take  care  of  her  husband. 
A  :     Her  husband  !     He  is  perfectly  well. 
B  :     Exactly — if  he  were  ill  she  wouldn't  need  to 
guard  him. 


He  :     You  have  a  strange  resemblance  to  a  lady 
of  my  acquaintance. 

She  :     That  does  not  interest  me. 

He:      An  extremely  pretty  girl. 

She  (quickly)  :     Who  is  the  young  lady  ? 


my 


love, 


you 


let 


Scene,  the  children's  ball  : 

Countess   (entering)  :      But 
them  dance  in  Lent  ? 

Baroness  :     Yes,  but  on  that' account  I  only  in- 
vited the  small  fry. 


Fine  Gentleman  :  You  beg  without  removing 
your  hat.     Is  that  the  way  to  do  1 

Seedy  Tramp  :  Pardon  me,  sir,  I  dare  not  re- 
move it,  for  yonder  stands  a  policeman.  He  would 
think  I  was  begging  and  arrest  me ;  but  he  thinks  it 
is  two  good  friends  conversing. 

— Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson 


General  Porfirio  Diaz  who  haB  been  the  recipient 
of  much  American  hospitality  told  his  entertainers 
at  a  banquet  some  evenings  ago,  that  he  was 
astonished  at  the  moral  progress  of  this  country. 
The  distinguished  Mexican  is  either  very  ignorant 
or  very  mendacious.  This  country  has  not  been 
making  a  moral  progress.  There  are  more  mur- 
ders, suicides,  divorces,  rapes,  and  lynching 
throughout  the  length  and  breadth  of  the  land  to- 
day, than  there  were  ten  years  ago,  allowing  for 
the  increase  in  population.  Morals  are  a  secondary 
consideration.  The  mind  of  the  country  is  on  the 
accumulation  of  wealth,  and  immorality  is  indulged 
in  as  a  pleasing  relaxation  from  the  cares  and 
anxieties  of  great  coirintereial  pursuits) 


•THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL 

The  old  and  well  kn<  ■■■•-  a  bouse  i  J,  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
*t  r-ui-'ved  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  streets, 
'riendj*  .in' I  the  public  wiU  please  take  notice. 


LYDIA  E.   PIIMKHAM'S 

VEGETAELE  COMPOUND. 

A  Sore  Care  for   all   FEMALE   TTEAK- 

>' ESSES*     Including   Lencorrlicrn,    Ir- 
regular and  Painful  Menstruation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
Che  Womb,    Flooding,   PRO- 
LAPSUS UTEBJ,  &c. 
tyPleasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  Immediate 
Id  lU  effect.   It  Is  a  great  help  In  pregnancy,  and  re- 
lieve- pain  during  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
PHTSICUIISTOEIT  A  \D  PRESCRIBE  IT  FREELY. 
3"For  all  WeaETESSES  of  the  generative  organs 
of  either  sex,  It  Is  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  ever 
been  before  the  public ;  and  for  all  diseases  of  the 
Kn>«»zrs  It  is  the  Greatest  Remedy  in  the  World. 

r^^KIDNEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Eitber  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LTDIA  E.  PLNKHAM'S  BLOOD  PrRrFIER 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  from  the 
Blood,  at  the  same  time  will  give  tone  and  strength  to 
the  system.    As  marvellous  in  results  as  the  Compound. 

tJ~Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  'Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass 
Price  of  either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $i  The  Compoun  1 
Is  sent  by  mall  in  the  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  §1  per  box  for  either,  Sirs.  Pinkham 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3  cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  thi*  Paper, 

rj-T.T-nt*  R,  PryimtBMTmiTn.ifl  cure  Constipa- 
tion, Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  Liver.  2i  cents. 
***Sold  by  all  DruK{psts.~t£$         (SI 


SzT  Cares  with  unfailing  certainty 

Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, "Weakness.  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
ail  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed, 
Price.  S=-5o  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  S10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.    D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FTtEE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  syi 
torn;  and   age.      Coram -jnicuioos 
confidential- 


Sg 


KIDNEY-WORT  I 


T* 


E  GREAT  CURE 


572 


RHEUMATISM— 

As  it  is  for   all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Hheumatisni  f^n  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  §1.  LIQCIDOB  DRY,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 

Dry  can  be  sent  by  maJL 
WKLLS,  BICSABPSON  &  Co.,  Burlington  Vt. 


KI-DNEY-WORTi 


A  WEEK.    §12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  Trcb  &  Co.,  Augnsta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
>ACIFIO  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6OQ  KEARNY  STREET,  8A5 
^-  •  >  Francisco  —  Eatablifhed 
Id  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Bpedal  DiBeaaes. 

Debility,  or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mlud,  permanently  cured  Tht- 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  him  Tbe  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  Information,  which  he  le 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
Sof  his  services  DR.  GIBBON  will 
5|  make  no  charge  nnl^ss  he  effects  a 
itnre.  Persons  at  a  distance  urny  be  CURED  AT  HuME.  All 
oommnnicat'o-  g  strictly  confidential  Charges  reaonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Kim  wood*    ttleiii\ood,    Hudsou   and   Our  Choice. 


rjONT  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
u  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Ran^c,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
■stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUCCiES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f 'g  Co. 

TAddress  Orders  and   Let  ers  of    In- 
quiry to  : 

-  201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


Grenuine 

"LAGER  BIER" 

From  The 

FREDERICKSBURG    BREWINC    CO., 

San    Jose. 

Will  be  on  draught  on  and  from 

SATURDAY,  April  14. 

Office,  539   California  Street. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   RECULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


m 


-    INTC 

Cures  all  pains;  nice  ™  use 


EATR&%1K 


m 


uti.il>! ;>  a  to..  Drngst»t»,  ■ 


•-.  «  uliloruln. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

§V      COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

m  -  of  - 

™  Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

Tliis   compound   is  superior  t"  any 

C reparation  hithert"  invented,  com- 
ining  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  <  foe  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoy* 
over  all  others  fa  its  neat,  [Kirtable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
la  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  2S0  Greenwich  street. 
New  York.  For  Salb  By  All  DauGGista. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 


1  - 1  ;i  1 . 1  i  - 1. .  .1      1852. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 
and  BEST 

IB    ^    T    ZEE!    S 

On  tub  Pacific  Coast. 

TIBKISH,     BDSSIAN,     STEAH,     M  I.rill  K 

or  oilier    Mediealed    Bath*. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

SS  All  un  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),  Nos.  522-  iV.'t,  6M 
and  53S  Pacific  street,  near  Commercial  Hotel,  between 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Dr.  Carl  Zeile'a 
Drujr  Store.  Open  fram  7  a.  m.  to  8  p.  u.,  Sundays  till  S  P.  M. 
Private  rooms  for  patients. 

N.    B.— Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  168*. 

,:      INSURE    IN    THE     BEST.   S9 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Dollars.     Paid  t« 

Policy    IJnldi  r»,  iimt  Seven    Million     Dollars. 

"The   Old    and    Rel'able  " 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY. 

ToIjiI   Assets,         -       -       •         960tfiGO.96l.t6 
Totnl    Income,        ...     si  i.  mi.i  i".s« 
Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure  Life  Policy,  at  liberal  terms, 
can  apply  to 

A.  G.  HAWES,  Manager  for  Pacific  Const. 
•£-i0  Sunsomc  Street,       ...      San  Francisco. 


N 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurant ;  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

Scotch,  Union,  and  National 

Insurance    Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 

EIAGAft  A  MANHEIM.  UltDOXALD  A  HAWH8, 

<'Ilv  A-fiiit,  General  Agents, 

401  California  Street,  287  Sanwomc  -in.  t, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  R.  Macparl.vnh. 


Ceo.  W.  Mactarlanb. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS        and 

Commission      Merchants. 

HKE-PBOOF     nilllllM.. 5S     QrEF.V      -7IMIT. 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  l-l:m<j-. 


Sick    Headache   and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See    Local. 


■■?&sSKrw&':-T-v.~**'-a*<»>!'*,x-*-,~,T*..-r> ..■■-;..  ^■r.-..^.1^^..r.|^1|  fl(  l;p;]f  _T  ||>|(i)||j^jgw)^ 


mas 


10 


THE    WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,-  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  «®"The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE:HOUSE,"1018  J  STREET,  bet.'  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  -  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  85.  Board,  per  week,  S4 
Meals,  25  cents.  US'  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


(NOLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
I  Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and-K  streetB,  Sacra- 
'  mento.      Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 

CL4USS    &  WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  43"  No  family  should  be  withriut  it.  Wil- 
eox  Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as-harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  0.  F.  Richards  &  Co. ,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 

GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  45T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal.  . 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES-W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
ffST  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

HWACHHORST  (Signof  theTown Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
■  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  US'  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  CaL 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
•  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
IS'  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     SGTA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  'of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  4®"  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
-S6  to  $12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  $1  to  $2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

HE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 

J  street.  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 

Marysville.     C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.     45TThe  larg- 

.est  retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 

.the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-155  J  street,  Sacramento. 


.V£ :  -L.i4<i£.Gir  l434-'-'2.fe""RfNE  ST NEAK  POLK 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR^'  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process   Flour" — the  Yery  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE;      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     8&  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  CaL  Board  S4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  S6.  Per  day,  SI  to  SI, 25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  B£T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 

FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  S3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Calne,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

C.   SHAW.    PLOW  WORKS.     DEALER   IN 

Agricultural    Implements,     Randolph     Headers, 

'     Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 

Hardware,  etc. ,  etc.     Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 

El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

J~      H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine   Wines   and   Liquors,    No.    224   Main  street, 
■*     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ^"Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 

TOCKTON    SAVINGS  AND    LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid   up    capital,   §500,000.      Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.     Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.     Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.     Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.     L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 

HE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  &5T  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 

ILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  -CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.     It  is  just  the  thing 

for  chopped  hands.     For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 

in  fancy  goods. 


DEALERS  JU    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310  Sansome   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

^  ft  C  '  wee^  i-0  70UI"  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
U>UO  dress  H.  Hallst  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


SPRING  JLS83.. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  §1  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 

"  FLIES  AND    BUGS." 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."    15c. 

Ayers  &  Son's  Manual  gives  just  the  information 
needed  to  make  a  judicious  selection  of  papers  for  any 
newspaper  advertising.  It  contains  also  many  very  ad- 
vantageous special  offers.  Sent  on  receipt  of  ten  cents. 
Address  N.  W.  Ayer  &  Son,  Advertising  Agents,  Times 
Building,  Philadelphia. 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  eewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

FOR  THICK  HEADS, 
Heavy  stomachs,  bilious  conditions,— Wells'  May  Apple 
Pills— anti-bilious,  cathartic.      10  and  25c.  ■ 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,. Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schmder&  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street. 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrek  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883. )  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


(This  Engraving  represents  the  Longs  in  ft  healthy  state. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 
Co  42:11s,  Colds, 
Croup. 

And  Other  Throat  and    Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  -Any   Form ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Cadtion. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  aU  remedies  without  merit. 

As  au  Expectorant  it   has  No  Eqnal. 
FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REOINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &   CO., 


THE     WASP. 


11 


THE    DANGEROUS    CLASSES, 


The  form  in  which  danger  threatens  us  is  that  of 
units  of  vast  money-power.  Power-units  are  the 
cause  of  oppression  everywhere,  ami  in  this  country 
the  power  that  is  recognized  is  money.  Dynastic 
power  and  military  power  are  not  present  dangers, 
and  probably  never  will  be,  except  as  outcomes  of 
revolution  caused  by  the  abuses  of  the  mouey-puw- 
er.  But  everything  with  us  fosters  the  accumula- 
tion of  money  in  the  hands  of  a  few  individuals  or 
of  allied  corporations  (allied  for  their  common  suc- 
cess). The  endless  resources  of  material  wealth  in 
our  mines  and  our  means  of  communication  enable 
tiit-  quick  and  unscrupulous  to  become  oligarchs  of 
this  money-power,  ordinary  ability  and  honesty  be- 
in^  run  over  and  trampled  under  foot  in  the  com- 
petition. The  men  who  wield  this  power  can  con- 
trol legislatures,  courts  and  executive  officers,  and 
bo  cover  their  tyrannical  acts  with  the  Bemblance  of 
legality.  Their  most  oppressive  conduct  will  be 
shown  in  obedience  to  some  law,  or,  at  least,  m  op- 
position to  no  law.  Where  favorable  legislation 
for  them  is  not  obtained,  unfavorable  legislation  is 
prevented.  But  is  not  this  bribery  ?  Of  course  it 
'  is.  But  it  is  bribery  prosecuted  with  all  the  re- 
finement of  art  and  all  the  dignity  of  statesman- 
ship. It  is  bribery  so  sinuously  practiced,  and  on 
so  colossal  a  scale,  that  the  public  eye  is  dazed  and 
the  public  mind  deceived  or  bewildered.  Uudor 
its  effects,  transactions  which,  in  the  narrow  sphere 
of  a  petty  theif,  would  send  him  to  prison,  are 
wrought  on  every  side  in  the  millions  of  railway- 
stocks,  and  the  perpetrators  remain  as  members  of 
the  most  reputable  political  and  commercial  society 
of  the  land.  Men  of  this  stamp  are  even  elevated 
to  the  highest  offices  of  state — men  whose  daily  life 
has  violated  every  principle  of  justice.  *  *  * 
Besides  the  moral  desolation  caused  by  this  ag- 
gregation of  wealth  in  a  few  hands,  the  political 
safety  of  the  country  is  especially  endangered.  The 
making  and  maintaining  this  concentered  wealth 
demands  a  system  of  plunder  and  oppression  of  the 
poorer  classes  and  of  the  public  generally.  Prices 
are  made,  not  through  the  natural  laws  of  demand 
and  supply,  but  by  "  corners "  and  conspiracies. 
Fair  competition,  which  is  the  life  of  trade,  is  ut- 
terly crushed  by  the  giant  foot  of  this  money-swol- 
len monster.  A  few  monopolize  the  entire  trade  of 
any  given  article  by  reason  of  their  money-power, 
remorselessly  destroying  any  one  who  dares  even  to 
glean  in  the  field  they  have  made  their  own  by  rob- 
bery. The  word  " robbery"  is  not  a  misnomer, 
for  the  money  has  been  forced  from  unwilling 
hands  by  immoral,  though  sometimes  legal,  means. 
***** 
If  suits  should  be  commenced  against  any  of  these 
wrong-doers,  their  money  enables  them  to  tire  out 
the  complainant  by  the  use  of  technical  delays,  by 
spiriting  away  witnesses,  and  by  corrupting  courts. 
This  is  so  well  understood  that  no  one  who  has  any 
worldly  wisdom  dares  to  enter  the  lists  of  law 
against  any  one  of  these  gigantic  reservoirs  of  capi- 
tal, and  they  on  their  side  understand  this  impu- 
nity and  immunity,  and  improve  it  diligently. 
These  power-units  of  wealth  gather  about  them  a 
clientele  of  faithful,  because  well-paid,  dependents, 
who  speak,  write  and  act  for  them  as  occasion  de- 
mands, and  who  by  their  wit  and  effrontery  man- 
age to  guide  much  of  public  opinion  in  behalf  of 
their  masters.  Some  of  these  dependents  are  edit- 
ors of  influential  journals,  who  skillfully  make  the 
worse  the  better  reason  and  call  evil  good,  so  that 
honest-minded  readers  are  found  to  be  sympathiz- 
ing with  the  unfortunate  capitalist,  against  whom 
the  wicked  proletariat  says  such  hard  things. 

But  this  state  of  things  cannot  always  continue. 
The  sense  of  oppression  on  the  part  of  the  people 
at  large  becomes  deeper  and  stronger.  They  begin 
to  learn  that  their  reform  leaders  are  bought  up  by 
the  money-power,  and  that  the  so-called  reforms 
are  but  tubs  thrown  to  the  whale.  They  see  that 
only  violent  measures  can  relieve  them,  and  a  com- 
mon feeling  of  revenge  unites  them.  Now  comes 
the  catastrophe.  At  the  first  stroke  they  find 
themselves  a  power,  and  when  men  first  discover 
their  power  they  are  reckless  how  they  use  it.  They 
carry  destruction  on  every  side.  They  revel  in 
slaughter.  They  waste  property.  They  burn 
dwellings.  They  overturn  all  institutions.  They 
paralyze  trade.  They  annihilate  society.  _  The 
tyranny  of  the  moneyed  units  has  accomplished 
what  nothing  bat  tyranny  can  accomplish— the 
united  action  of  a  heterogeneous  and  naturally  un- 
organized populace.  It  has  raised  a  spirit  of  evil 
Which  it  cannot  ;<l)ay.      Jt,  ha*    unchained  tKe  ti«er 


and  whetted  his  appetite  for  blood.  These  must 
not  be  considered  as  exaggerated  prophecies.  His- 
tory shows  that  we  are  sober  in  our  statements. 
The  community  cannot  be  plundered  forever 
binationa  of  capitalists  and  legislators  to  rob  the 
poor  for  the  benefit  of  the  rich  will  eventually  meet 
with  counter-combinations  which  will  not  confine 
themselves  to  robbery.  This  is  human  nature  as 
well  as  history.  — North    imerican  Review  for  April, 

"  VULGAR     AMERICANS," 


Queen  Victoria  and  the  Princess  of  Wales  have 
to  improve  the  tone  and  manners  of  London  aristo- 
cratic society.  They  are  alarmed  at  the  encroach- 
ments of  American  vulgarity  and  French  refine- 
ment, and  will  attempt  to  repress  both.  This  is 
on  the  authority  of  the  Rev.  Robert  Laird  Collier, 
who  is  now  in  London.  "  To  quiet  Americans  in 
this  city,"  he  writes,  "  this  change  should  it  be 
wrought,  will  be  no  great  blow  ;  but  it  ought  to  he 
deemed  a  blessing.  It  is  perfectly  true  that  some 
Americans  who  travel  in  Europe  are  '  louder  '  and 
more  swaggering  than  other  people.  The  English 
court  have  been  gracious  towards  their  American 
cousins,  and  society  in  London  has  accorded  Ameri- 
cans a  very  gracious  entree.  For  the  most  part 
educated  and  refined  Americans  are  entertaining, 
but  there  is  a  class  who  come  to  England  and  talk 
through  their  noses,  in  very  bad  grammar,  and  in 
very  loud  voices,  and  amuse  people  by  measuring 
everything  they  see  by  '  how  much  it  costs.'  The 
women  usually  are  well  dressed  and  talk  louder 
than  the  men.  Both  alike  fling  their  money 
around  in  reckless  and  ostentatious  fashion,  and 
sober-minded  people  wish  they  would  make  them- 
selves less  numerous.  Still  the  present  writer  is 
bound  to  say  these  types  are  very  few,  compared 
with  the  well-bred,  self-respecting  Americans  with 
whom  one  meets  in  traveling  in  Europe.  Indeed, 
many  English  people  choose  to  travel  with  Ameri- 
cans, preferring  the  intelligent  communicativeness 
of  their  Yankee  cousins  to  the  reticence  of  John 
Bull.  However,  the  queen  and  the  princess  are 
tired  of  the  '  b  iser  sort,'  and  what  they  call '  Ameri- 
can vulgarity  '  will  no  longer  be  permissible  at 
court." 

"  If  twenty  boys,"  says  Lillie  Devereaux  Blake, 
"  were  brought  up  in  the  same  way  as  girls — laced, 
kept  indoors,  taught  sewing,  embroidery,  and  play- 
ing the  piano — what  sort  of  young  men  would  they 
be  when  they  are  twenty-one  ?  "  Now,  Lillie,  let 
us  ask  a  question.  If  twenty  girls  were  brought  up 
the  same  way  as  boys — allowed  to  stand  on  their 
heads  on  the  street  corners,  smoke  cigarettes,  climb 
trees,  go  in  swimming  in  the  most  public  places 
with  South  Sea  Island  bathing  costumes  on,  drink 
whisky,  swear  and  play  penny  ante — what  sort  of 
social  reformers  would  they  be  at  twenty-one  ? 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS. 


At  the  California  Theater,  the  horizon  so  long  overcast 
with  dark  clouds  of  despondency,  is  clearing  at  last,  and 
the  first  rift  of  promising  sunshine  cast  its  genial  rays  into 
the  box-office  upon  the  opening  night  of  the  Queens  Lace 
Handkerchief.  The  story  is  full  of  picturesque  energy 
and  musical  whim,  with  enough  of  romance  and  eccentric- 
ity to  be  quite  interesting.  The  libretto  is  unusually 
good.  The  musical  composition  suffers  somewhat  from  a 
paucity  of  melody,  but  the  few  ideas  which  it  does  con- 
tain are  cleverly  handled  and  pleasingly  presented.  The 
elaboration,  especially  that  of  the  finale  of  the  second  act, 
is  beautiful  and  full  of  effective  verve.  The  different 
numbers  of  that  opera,  although  never  dull,  still  belong  to 
that  composite  order  where  sentiment  is  sacrificed  to  mu- 
sical coloring  and  to  the  over-elaborated  offorts  to  give 
original  expression.  The  one  marked  exception  is  the 
song  of  Crevantes  in  the  third  act,  and  that,  be  it  un- 
derstood, is  introduced.  The  mis  en  scene  is  the 
most  brilliant,  the  costumes  are  dazzlingly  beautiful 
and  combine  to  pioduce  a  stage-picture  of  rare  excellence. 
The  regal  pageant,  the  doctors'  chorus,  the  bull  fighters' 
procession,  as  well  as  the  individual  styles  of  dresses,  are 
as  highly  effective  as  the  grotesqueness  of  the  council  is 
surpassingly  amusing.  The  singing  is  not  quite  up  to  the 
standard  of  costuming.  The  tenor's  is  a  hard,  unsympa- 
thetic voice,  handicapped  by  the  worst  of  Italian  methods  : 
a  tiresome,  continuous  tremolo  without  timbre  and  (|col 
or";  and  the  approval  accorded  to  him  maybe  entirely 
attributed  to  his  exquisite  stage  presence  and  graceful  act- 
ing.    Lily  Post,  whose  return  was   made   memorable  by 


the  display  of  one  ..f  the  m>*tatrociousde«ecrationBof  the 
natural  beauty  of  flowers,  in  the  -hape  of  an  exaggerated 

I  ■  >met'a  tail,  ha 

back  with  some  amplified  routine,  but  ia  still  u  feebly 

in  the  .lay-  when  -lie  sang  second  parts,     Mine. 

Cotrelly  is  a  vei  .,  v.  [t|,  ,-,   hi><h- 

flavored  German  m  cent,  and  is  incomparably  teas  a  -inger 

ie  an  actress.  ing  of  the  part 

1  ■  '  rantea  "  ia  the  one  actable  exception  to  tl 

a]  mediocrity  bia  numbers  with   e\- 

v  intelligence  and  superb  expression  ;  his  voice 
is  rich  and  pnre  :    bis  execution  unusually  fine  :    hi 

client ;  and  t..  judge  by  the  manner  in  which  bia 
efforte  were  appreciated  In-  \sill  \->-  the  one  lasting  -  ■ 
of  thai  company.  The  comedian,  albeit  somewhat  unre- 
uvely  droll  and  highly  amusing.  Of  the 
minoj  parte,  th<  bat$o  U  quite  efficient,  the  second  tenor 
more  than  usually  satisfactory,  and  Mr.  Standish  irreeist- 
ibly  funny.  Both  chorus  and  orchestra  are  ample  and 
their  performance  satisfactory.  As  a  whole,  the  Queens 
Lao  Handkerchief Compares  favorably  with  previous  rep- 
resentations of  a  like  character,  and  may  be  viewed  as  an 
amicable  compromise  in  the  long  pending  controversy  be- 
tween an  arbitrary  management  and  a  captious  public. 
The  "funny  business"  in  connection  with  the  produc- 
tion of  this  opera  is,  that  the  part  of  "  Cervant--  "  is 
originally  a  tenor  part  and  that  of  the  "King"  a  con- 
tralto part.  The  emergencies  of  tlii-  company  i>-.(uired  a 
rearrangement,  then  both  (.arts  were  transposed  to  meet 
the  same.  Miss  Paullin  (.Mrs.  Ogleby]  was  quite  suc- 
cessful in  the  part  of  the  "  King  "  as  presented  originally 
in  New  York  City,  and  Mr.  Perigini  then  Bang  the  part 
of  "Cervantes."  In  it-  present  condition  much  of  the 
composer's  intention  is  marred  and  the  musical  character- 
ization occasionally  absurd.  This  is  ap parent  in  the 
"Truffle   Song"   and  in  some  of  the  concerted  numbers. 

The  performances  at  the  Bush  Street  Theater  can  only 
be  characterized  as  distasteful,  fur  they  appeal  to  no  taste 
in  particular — too  insipid  for  the  gallery,  too  absurd  for 
the  rest  of  the  public,  too  unremunerative  to  the  manage- 
ment and  somewhat  disheartening  to  the  performer-,.  It 
is  a  mere  waste  of  time  and  space  to  accord  any  criticism 
to  such  plays  as  The  Wild  Wave.  The  people  who  move 
in  it  lack  characterization,  and  serve  as  a  mere  pretence 
for  many  trashy  and  some  brutally  coarse  utterances. 
The  soubrette  and  at  the  same  time  "  leading  lady  "  is  a 
young  woman  of  some  graceful  attributes  and  personal  at- 
traction, but  lackfe  the  fire  and  chic  of  Lotta,  whose  imita- 
tor she  attempts  to  be.  The  next  attraction  at  this  place 
of  amusement  will  be  Chtek,  an  extravaganza  which  is 
said  to  be  entertaining. 

Last  Sunday  evening's  Herman  performance  was  a  well 
deserved  compliment  to  Mr.  Kadelburg,  whose  active  pro- 
motion of  the  interests  of  the  drama  will  cause  his  absence 
to  be  regretted  by  the  German  public.  The  comedy 
wherein  he  had  the  principal  part  was  performed  with 
more  than  usual  excellence,  and  of  that  the  lion's 
share  belonged  to  Mr.  Kadelburg.  Xext  Sunday  evening 
Mme.  Cotrelly  will  appear  in  her  proper  element — assum- 
ing the  title  role  of  Tlnrese  Krunes — which  will  afford  her 
an  excellent  opportunity  for  the  display  of  her  talent  as  a  ft 
soubrette.  Her  former  superior  representation  of  that 
part  is  still  fresh  in  the  minds  of  those  who  attend  the 
German  performances,  and  will  present  to  the  quondam 
favorite  a  fitting  occasion  to  renew  her  acquaintances  un- 
der auspicious  circumstances. 

The  Tivoli  presents  Stradetla,  with  a  change  in  the  per- 
sonnel. That  opera  has  attained  such  popularity  that  the 
attendance  upon  its  performance  is  unimpaired  and  no 
change  has  as  yet  been  announced. 

Emerson's  Minstrels  possess  a  magnetism  of  their  own 
which  cannot  be  neutralized  by  any  other  attraction. 
Their  fun  is  mercurial  but  seldom  falls  below  the  boiling 
point — a  circumstance  which  warms  the  heart  of  the  pub- 
lic toward  them. 

The  play  announced  by  the  Grover  Company  has  been 
indefinitely  postponed,  presumably  because  the  Ticket  >>>' 
Leave  Man  proves  satisfactorily  attractive. 

' '  The  divine  Williams  "  must  feel  uncomfortably  unlike 
Heaven,  when  the  following  intelligence  reaches  him  : 
"The  Leonard  Grover  Comedy  Company  will  produce 
Arraft-iia-Pogue  on  the  319th  anniversary  of  the  birth  of 
William  Shakspeare-,  April  23d,  1883,  on  which  occasion 
Mr.  Leonard  Grover  will  present  several  allegorical  taib' 
leaux  appropri ftt.fi  to  the  subject." 


12 


THE     WASP. 


COW  COUNTY  TYPES. 


V. — A  Politician. 

Lura  Crane  was  named  by  his  parents  after  the 
discoverer  of  America,  but  Ms  friends  have  agreed 
that  two-thirds  of  his  "  given  "  name  were  mere 
surplusage,  and  iu  fact  it  is  sufficiently  trying  to  be 
expected  to  live  up  to  one-third  of  Columbus  should 
an  odious  comparison  be  made.  He  is  a  politician 
of  unbending  consistency,  and  his  "  claims  on  the 
party  "  to  which  he  sofrequently"points  with  pride" 
have  met  recognition  in  his  election  as  Constable 
of  Bigger  township,  Arena  county,  for  several  suc- 
cessful terms.  He  lives  in  an  atmosphere  of  whis- 
pering mystery,  and  should  he  meet  you  on  the 
open  plain  ten  miles  from  anybody  I  believe  he 
would  take  you  by  the  hand  with  a  tiabby,  linger- 
ing shake,  as  if  you  were  a  pump  that  needed  gentle 
treatment,  and  would  whisper  in  your  ear  that  he 
had  "  voted  the  ticket  straight  for  twenty-five  years 
and  never  scratched  a  name,  sir,"  or  some  other 
piece  of  equally  astounding  news.  This  is  his 
political  manner,  but  in  general  society  there  is  an 
agreeable  abandon  about  his  demeanor  and  conver- 
sation. 

Strolling  down  Main  street,  Diggerstown,  one 
day,  I  encountered  Crane,  who  in  company  with 
some  of  his  intimates  was  sitting  on  the  edge  of  the 
sidewalk  with  his  legs  in  the  dry  gutter.  He  called 
to  me  : 

"  What's  yer  hurry  1  Set  down.  Make  yerself 
at  home." 

"  What  is  the  question  before  this  syndicate  of 
capitalists  to  day  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  Wal  ',  we  was  just  gassin'  a  little  about  what 
was  the  easiest  life  for  a  man  to  live.  Jim  Tucker, 
thar',  he  allows  keepin1  bar  lays  over  most  anything, 
an'  .Sam  Bones,  he  is  in  favor  of  preachin/,  though 
it  isn't  much  in  his  line.  Sam  ain't  pretty  enough 
fur  a  preacher.  Now,  I  don't  say  but  what  keepin 
bar  is  a  mighty  good  layout,  an'  preachin'  is  a  suie- 
enough  soft  job,  'specially  when  you're  solid  with 
the  women  folks  ;  but  'tain't  a  circumstance  to 
politics.  Why,  sir,  it's  puttin'  up  jobs  an'  fun  all 
the  time  in  politics." 

"  But  politics  requires  a  higher  grade  of  talent 
than  keeping  bar  or  preaching." 

"  Wal',  I  hain't  so  sure  'bout  that.  I  tell  you  it 
takes  a  mighty  smart  man  to  live  anywheres  with- 
out doin'  any  work  for  what  he  gits  ;  an'  that's 
about  the  way  I  put  it  up  fur  preachin'  an'  the 
liquor  business. " 

"  Where  does  the  fun  of  politics  come  iu  t  " 

"  Fun  !  Why,  dog-gone  it  !  its  fun  all  the  time. 
Did  y'ever  hear  how  I  euchred  Jim  Skadan  out  o' 
the  nomination  last  fall  ?  No  ?  Wal',  Jim,  he 
allowed  as  he'd  got  the  thing  dead,  an'  he  had  ef 
the  delegates  had  voted  the  way  they  wanted  ;  but 
you  see  it  was  gittin'  late  in  the  day  when  the  Con- 
vention got  down  to  the  ticket,  an'  I  could  see  the 
boys  wanted  to  git  home  before  dark  ;  so  I  got  two 
or  three  of  my  friends  tn  go  to  Jim's  delegates  an' 
git  their  proxies  on  a  promise  to  vote  fur  Jim. 
Wal,  they  got  'em,  but  when  the  votes  were  counted 
Jim  didn't  have  no  majority.  They  found  out  then 
how  the  thing  was  fixed,  but  it  wan't  no  use  kick- 
in'."' 

"  That  was  a  notable  device." 

"  Wal,  you  got  to  do  it  in  politics.  It's  just  like 
playin'  a  game  of  pok«r.  Ef  a  man  gets  a  chance 
to  git  in  his  work  under  the  table,  an'  he  don't 
take  it,  he's  a  doggoned  fool  an'  he's  goin'  to  come 
out  at  the  wrong  end  o'  the  horn.  A  man  that 
wouldn't  rob  his  father  when  he's  playin' fur  money 
ain't  calkilated  to  rise  high  in  the  profession,  an'  it 
serves  him  right  when  the  old  man  rubs  him  as  he's 
goin'  to  do,  sure,  ef  the  young  smarty  don't  keep 
his  eyes  peeled," 

"  You  don't  pretend  to  any  virtues  you  don't 
possess." 

"  Pretend  !  I  don't  pretend  tonothin'.  I  ain't 
anybetter'n  anyone  else.  Tt  don't  do  for  a  man  in 
a  public  position  to  put  on  too  much  frills  as  ef  he 
was  better'n  other  folks.  It's  bound  to  hurt  the 
party  when  it  comes  round  to  election  time." 

Constable  Crane  has  no  ambition  to  rise  higher 
than  his  present  eminence.  If  dirty  work  is 
needed  to  keep  him  there  lie  is  not  proud  and  even 
exalts  the  dirty  necessities  of  his  position  into  mat- 
ter for  self-glorification.      He  is  very  abundant. 

Atjtolycus. 


A    CURIOUS    THING, 


"  Do  you  believe  in  woman's  rights  ?  "  she  de- 
manded, jabbing  him  in  the  ribs  with  an  umbrella. 
"'Tea,"  he  replied,  as  he  moved  to  a  safe  distance. 

t  Relieve  in  woman's  funeral  rites."  * 


"  A  curious  thing  in  Gray's  accounts  was  discovered 
yesterday.  In  verifying  the  credits  of  the  United  States 
Barge  Office  and  of  a  firm  renting  a  space  on  the  dock  for 
weighing  purposes,  it  was  found  that  the  former  had  been 
credited  with  8120  and  the  latter  with  845,  ueither  of 
which  sums  had  ever  been  paid.  The  parties  had  no  re- 
ceipts and  promptly  liquidated  the  accounts.  Gray  acci- 
dently  robbed  himself  of  §165. —  Wednesday's  Examiner. 

This  certainly  is  "  a  curious  thing,"  and  is  calcu- 
lated greatly  to  confuse  the  criminal  proceedings 
against  the  distinguished  ex-Secretary,  if  any  one 
lives  to  remember  it,  when  he  shall  be  brought  to 
trial.  Having  robbed  himself  for  the  benefit  of 
the  State,  Gray  can  get  up  the  plea  of  justfiable 
robbery  in  his  own  case.  He  can  demand  that  be- 
fore the  charge  of  his  robbing  the  State  is  examined 
into,  the  charge  of  the  State,  by  connivance,  having 
robbed  him  shall  be  first  settled,  as  a  basis  upon 
which  he  can  afterward  claim  self-defense  as  an  ex- 
cuse for  his  actions.  It  at  first  appears  strange 
that  the  force  of  habit  should  have  induced  him  to 
rob  himself,  but  upon  examination  it  will  probably 
be  shown  to  be  a  new  and  carefully  pre-arranged 
line  of  defense,  and  the  plea  of  robbery  in  self-de- 
fense will  become  as  popular  as  a  credit-giving 
restaurant.  Even  the  railroad  people,  if  they  are 
ever  brought  to  criminal  trial  for  robbing  the 
public,  will  be  prepared  to  swear  in  extenuation 
that  they  were  forced  to  the  act  in  self-defense, 
having  been  robbed  of  passes  by  legislators  for  the 
last  twenty  years. 


A  paragraph  is  in  circulation  that  Charley  Dun- 
gan,  erst  of  San  Francisco,  will  shortly  wed  Miss 
Irene  Perry,  of  the  Kate  Castleton  Company. 
Since  Dungan  went  off  with  an  opera  company,  we 
have  not  heard  much  about  him.  But  we  hope  his 
pretensions  to  fame  will  rest  on  a  more  substantial 
basis  than  to  be  known  as  the  husband  of  Irene 
Perry.  She  is  a  bright,  good  little  thing,  and  nice 
looking,  but  the  misfortune  of  marrying  a  popular 
actress  is  that  the  man's  individuality  is  at  once 
swamped  in  his  wife's,  and  he  is  only  referred  to, 
and  contemptuously  at  that,  as  Miss  So-and-So's 
husband.  Dungan  is  a  blonde  and  Perry  a  brunette. 
Charley  is  tall,  and  Irene  tall;  all  of  which  is  quite 
right.  But  when  next  they  meet  we  should  not  be 
surprised  if  Mr.  Dungan  were  to  ask  with  the 
polite  jealousy  of  an  engaged  man  :  "  Of  course  I'm 
awfully  glad  to  see  you,  Reney,  but  who  the  deuce  is 
this  French  Count  those  San  Francisco  papers 
talked  of  in  connection  with  your  name  ?  "  And 
Miss  Perry  might  warble  her  answer  in  the  Castle- 
ton song,  ' '  For  Goodness'  Sake,  Don't  Say  We  Sold 
Him." 


The  San  Francisco  Merchant  is  now  a  twenty-four 
page  paper  of  the  size  of  the  Wasp.  Stimulated, 
we  know  not  how.  by  its  outward  and  visible 
change,  it  has  taken  on  an  added  brightness  of 
spirit,  and  is  as  clever  and  amusing  in  various 
ways  as  it  has  always  been  valuable  in  a  com- 
mercial way.  We  have  ever  held  that  topics  are  dry 
or  pleasing  according  to  the  manner  in  which  they 
are  treated,  and  we  can  now  point  to  Brother  Bell's 
paper  in  illustration  of  that  theory.  We  want  to 
be  a  merchant. 


Louis  Cohen,  the  Wharfinger  arrested  on  Tues- 
day last  for  embezzlement  a  la  Gray,  i&  probably 
guilty,  for  his  antecedents  are  very  bad  indeed. 
He  was  first  a  merchant,  then  a  Custom  House 
officer,  then  a  deput}'  in  the  Street  Department. 
There  can  hardly  be  a  wider  space  than  embezzle- 
ment between  the  penitentiary  and  the  man  who 
has  taken  three  such  long  strides  towards  its  portal. 


A  contemporary  acknowledges  the  receipt  of 
"  The  Album  Writer's  Friend,"  presumably  a  book 
of  suitable  sentiments  ;  but  we  can  tell  the  mis- 
guided compiler  that  the  only  true  friend  of  the 
album-writer  is  Death.  That's  the  chap  that  he 
prays  for  ;  that's  the  cuss  on  whom  he  sets  his 
hopes  of  peace. 

Hermann,  the  conjuror,  has  been  in  South 
America.  While  there  he  operated  on  three  sub- 
jects before  the  governor  of  Montevideo,  and  after 
taking  money  from  one  fellow's  hair,  an  orange 
from  the  nose  of  another,  and  a  live  rat  from  a 
third  one's  nose,  the  magician  found  that  in  the 
frenzy  of  their  terror  the  natives  had  taken  his 
watch  and  sundry  other  articles  of  personal  adorn- 
ment. The  missing  goods  were  recovered,  but  it 
was  a  good  joke  on  Hermann. 


OhJyBack! 


That's  a  common  expres- 
sion and  has  a  world  of 
meaning.  How  much  suf- 
fering is  summed  up  in  it. 

The  singular  thing  about 
it  is,  that  pain  in  the  back 
is  occasioned  by  so  many 
things.  May  be  caused  by 
kidney  disease,  liver  com- 
plaint, consumption,  cold, 
rheumatism,dyspepsia,over- 
work,  nervous  debility,  &c. 

Whatever  the  cause,  don't 
neglect  it.  Something  is 
wrong  and  needs  prompt 
attention.  No  medicine  has 
yet  been  discovered  that 
will  so  quickly  and  surely 
cure  such  diseases  as 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  and 
it  does  this  by  commencing 
at  the  foundation,  and  mak- 
ing the  blood  pure  and  rich. 

Wm.  P.  Marshall,  of  Logans- 
port.  Indiana, writes :  "  My  wife 
has  for  many  years  been  trou- 
bled from  pain  in  her  back 
and  general  debility  incident 
to  her  sex.  She  has  taken  one 
bottle  of  Brown's  Iron  Bitters, 
and  I  can  truthfully  say  that 
she  has  been  so  much  benefited 
that  she  pronounces  it  the 
only  remedy  of  many  medi- 
cines she  has  tried." 

Leading  physicians  and 
clergymen  use  and  recom- 
mend Brown's  Iron  Bit- 
ters. It  has  cured  others 
suffering  as  you  are,  and  it 
will  cure  you. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a  victim  ?  THEN  DO  NOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney- Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  win  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
For  complaints  peculiar 
D  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney- Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

Either  Sex.  Incontinence,  retention  of  urine, 
brick  dust  or  ropy  deposits,  and  dun  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power. 
±3-    SOLD  BY  ALL  DRUGGISTS.    Price  SI." 


KIDNEY-WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY 

la  a  certain  euro  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  tho  ofU  effects  ft 
youthful  follies  and  expenses. 

DK.  JUIMIE.  who  is  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  the  University  of  Peuoswania, 
will  agree  to  forfeit  Five  Huodred  Dollar*  for 
ocaseorthe  kind  the  TIT.4L  KESTUKATI^S 
(under  his  special  advice  and  treaune  "■)  wit 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  tht 
quantity,  SM>.  Sent  to  anv  address,  cokpi- 
DK\TiiU,Y,  by  A.  E.  IIIXTIE.  M.  D.,  No.  11 
Kearnv  Street,  S.  F.     Send  f..r  pamphlet. 

SAHTLE  BnTTLE  FREE  will  bo  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
ic£  tL'd  ase.   Strict  secrecy  in  ''II  tntnsaotlons- 


THE     WASP 


13 


THROUGH    CHINESE   EYES. 


'*  By  a  glance  at  what  Europe  now  is,"  says  his 
Excellency  Tseng  'Hou-Yeh,  in  the  diary  from 
whi'-li  we  have  previously  quoted,  "  we  may  see 
what  China  once  was  ;  so,  by  noting  what  China 
now  is,  we  may  learn  what  Europe  will  one  day 
become.  The  day  will  arrive  when  Western  work- 
craft,  now  bo  deft,  will  grow  inept,  and  Western 
ingenuity  give  w&y  to  homelike  simplicity."  Such 
a  prediction  is  based  upon  the  melancholy  philoso- 
phy of  the  envoy.  "  The  earth's  productions  be- 
ing limited  are  not  sufficient  to  provide  for  the 
manifold  wants  of  its  countless  people,  and  deteri- 
oration is  one  of  nature's  laws."  The  Marquis 
Tseng  is  a  much  less  optimistic  Chinaman  than  Liu 
Ta-Jen  who  preceded  him  as  one  of  the  Chinese  en- 
voys at  the  Court  of  St.  James.  Liu  Ta-Jen  saw 
nothing  in  the  West  superior  to  that  which  prevails 
in  the  East,  excepting  in  "  deft  manipulation  " — 
"  knowlege  than  can  turn  out  a  machine  and  noth- 
ing else."  At  every  turn  Lui  was  confronted  with 
evidence  of  the  immeasurable  superiority  of  Chinese 
civilization,  with  its  "  humanity  and  justice,''  over 
the  "  angry  rivalry  and  unrestrained  greed  " 
which  he  regarded  as  the  bases  of  the  so-called 
civilization  of  the  Western  barbarians.  Thd  con- 
trast between  the  two  envoys  is  very  marked. 
Says  Liu  :  "  From  the  time  when  the  heavens  were 
spread  out  and  the  earth  came  into  existence, 
China  can  boast  i  oontinuoua  line  of  great  men;  so 
that  man's  wants  have  been  better  supplied  each 
day  than  the  one  before  it."  Tseng,  on  the  con- 
trary, although  he  used  to  tell  Mr.  F.  in  jest  that 
China'  had  an  unbroken  line  of  illustrious  and 
sacred  Emperors  all  through  history,  is  careful  to 
explain  that  this  was,  of  course,  merely  a  joke. 
Even  Tseng,  however,  shrewd  and  observant 
enough  as  he  is  to  see  that  China  is  in  her  decad- 
ence, cannot  resist  the  temptation  to  trace  all  the 
systems  of  government  and  civilization  prevailing 
in  the  West  to  the  institutions  of  China  in  the  time 
of  the  Chow  dynasty,  whence  he  thinks  it  probable 
that  they  were  transplanted  by  Lao  Tzu.  "It  is 
plain,"  he  remarks,  "  that  all  Western  institutions 
have  existed  in  the  past  in  China,  and  are  in  no 
way  wonderful."  Even  steamers  and  steam  en- 
gines, he  thinkB,  flourished  in  olden  time  in  China, 
but  the  people  fell  into  idle  and  thriftless  habits, 
and  the  mechanical  art  was  lost  in  transmission. 
*  *  #  * 

A  thing  that  strikes  Tseng  very  much  is  the  con- 
fined nature  of  the  house  accommodation.  Owing 
to  the  great  cost  of  ground  houses  are  built  eight  or 
nine  stories  high,  and  even  then  "  so  sparing  are 
they  of  land  in  constructing  houses  that  there  are 
generally  one  or  two  pits  underground,  which  serve 
as  kitchens  and  wine-cellars.  He  is,  however,  de- 
lighted with  our  lavish  expenditures  on  resorts  of 
amusement  and  pleasure,  referring,  it  would  ap- 
pear, chieHy  to  the  parks  in  the  city.  He  says  : 
I  Here  they  show  no  disposition  to  stint  themselves 
in  the  mattter  of  land,  and  they  spare  no  pains  in 
the  neat  arrangement  of  such  places,  thereby  em- 
bodying the  maxim  transmitted  by  Mencius  that 
if  the  people  are  made  to  share  in  the  means  of 
enjoyment  they  will  cherish  no  feeling  of  discon- 
tent.' Both  France  and  England  are  as  one  in  the 
above  respects."  The  maxim  of  Mencius  deserves 
to  be  written  in  letters  of  gold  in  every  legislative 
hall  and  municipal  chamber  in  the  country,  for  not- 
withstanding the  compliment  of  our  courteous  visi- 
tor, we  have  but  imperfectly  learned  its  full  signifi- 
cance. 

When  Tseng  was  at  Paris  he  accepted  an  invita- 
tion to  go  to  President  GreVy's  one  evening,  and 
this  is  his  account  of  what  he  saw  :  "  At  about  11 
o'clock  we  retired  to  the  ball-room,  where  I  watched 
men  and  wom^n  skipping  and  gamboling  for  along 
while.  In  the  West  men  and  women  follow  their 
own  choice  in  making  marriage  alliances,  and  the 
original  idea  of  instituting  dancing  parties  was 
probably  to  facilitate  the  arrangement  of  such  en- 
gagements." This,  although  philosophical,  is  not 
so  vivid  as  Liu's  famous  descriptisn  of  a  reception 
at  Buckingham  Palace  :  "  The  women  were  nude 
about  the  arms  and  neck,  and  did  not  seem  to 
avoid  coming  into  contact  with  the  men.  They 
held  flowers  in  their  hands.  Their  caps  and  dresses 
were  of  several  colors,  the  latter  folded  into  many 
plaits  behind,  having  the  appearance  of  a  wasps 
nest,  and  end  in  a  train  which  drags  on  the  ground 
for  five  or  six  feet  behind  them." — Pall  Mall 
Gazette. 


Apollo  Commandery  of  the  Knights   Templar  is 
not  quite  certain  whether  or  no   it  will   come   to 


California  with  the  other  Knights,  whether  or  no 

it  will  have  a  grand  time  in  Chicago,  etc.,  etc. 
And  the  newspapers,  as  in  duty  bound,  are 
Apollo  Commandery  on  the  back,  and  using  the 
most  endearing  words  to  induce  this  commandery 
to  come  along  with  the  rest  of  the  boys,  and  ■ 
fleeced  by  our  enterprising  and  conscienceless  hotel 
keepers.  Believing  that  this  Apollo  Commandery 
is  not  what  its  name  would  suggest,  a  pretty  Com- 
mandery, but  is  an  aggregation  of  confederated 
damphools,  we  trust  they  will  not  come  to  Cali- 
fornia, but  go  to  Ireland,  and  take  up  their  quar- 
ters in  one  of  O'Donovan  Kossa  s  dynamite  towns. 
Tin-  Knight  Templars  business  has  grown  nauseat- 
ing. Of  course  our  people  waut  to  get  them  here 
for  no  other  object  than  to  fleece  them.  Kut  look 
out  for  the  gilded  nickels  when  the  Knights  come 
along.  The  Pluto  Commandery  has  ordered  several 
thousands  of  dollars'  worth  to  pass  off  on  Californians 
as  five  dollar  pieces. 

The  virtuous  people  of  Massachusetts  have  found 
a  new  use  for  negroes  :  they  tan  their  skins.  At 
the  Tewksbury  Almshouse  inquiry  a  tanner  testi- 
fies that  the  skin  of  a  negro,  unranned,  was  brought 
to  him  by  a  Harvard  student  who  wanted  it  tanned. 
No  reason  for  this  peculiar  taste  of  the  Harvard 
man  is  assigned,  but  he  might  have  thought  nigger 
skin,  good  binding  for  lexicons.  Now  if  the  people 
of  Arizona  could  establish  a  tannery  for  Apache 
skins,  which  should  be  quite  as  good  as  African 
skins,  the  inducement  to  kill  the  savages,  would  be 
of  vast  benefit  to  that  long-suffering  territory. 
And,  talking  of  tough  skins,  what  a  remarkable 
cuticle  must  be  that  of  Uncle  George  Hearst,  who 
permits  his  new  editor  to  indulge  in  those  idiotic 
gibberings  which  now  daily  fill  one  column  of  the 
Bheamiiner.  Any  newspaper  proprietor  whose  hide 
was  not  more  impervious  than  the  buffalo's  would 
have  killed  him  in  the  first  week  of  his  apprentice- 
ship. 

The  most  interesting  character  in  American 
literary  circles  atpresentis  undoubtedly  Mr.  George 
W.  Cable,  author  of  "  The  Grandissimes,"  "Mme. 
Delphine, "  and  many  short  sketches  of  Creole  life 
at  the  South  that  are  as  perfect  in  their  way  as 
any  of  Bret  Harte's  stories.  Mr.  Cable,  who  is  a 
Louisianian,  has  until  recently  been  invisible  to 
Northern  eyes',  has  been  assumed,  from  the  char- 
acter of  his  works,  to  be  a  dashing  and  romantic 
young  Southerner.  He  proves  to  be  a  quiet, 
scholarly  gentleman  of  middle  age,  a  Baptist  so 
strict  that  although  he  is  passionately  fond  of 
music  his  conscience  has  never  allowed  him  to  listen 
to  an  opera,  a  man  of  domestic  tastes  and  the 
father  of  a  very  large  family,  and  a  hater  of  liquor 
and  tobacco.  From  his  writings  one  would  sup- 
pose Creole  life  and  traditions  till  his  mind  to  the 
exclusion  of  everything  else,  whereas  his  real  hobby, 
and  one  which  he  rides  with  great  skill,  is  prison 
reform.  — Tlie  Hour. 


*#*  "  Better  bear  present  evils  than  fly  to  those  un- 
known." Better  still,  use  Kidney- Wort  and  make  your 
present  evils  fly  to  parts  unknown.  If  you  find  yourself 
getting  bilious,  head  heavy,  mouth  foul,  eyes  yellow,  kid- 
neys disordered,  symptoms  of  piles  tormenting  you,  take 
at  once  a  few  doses  of  Kidney- Wort.  Used  as  an  ad- 
vance Kuard— either  in  dry  or  liquid  form -it  is  efficient. 


DON'T  DIE  IN  THE  Hoi  SE 
"  Rough  on  Rats."     Clears  out  rats,  mice,  reaches,  bed- 
bugs, flies,  ants,  moles,  chipmunks,  gophers.     lac. 


,  flies, 

A  good  medicinal  tonic,  with  real  merit,  is  Broun' 
Bitters— so  all  druggists  say. 


DENTISTRY. 

C.  *>.  Dean.D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco 


Hw       CELEBRATED       ™^ 


8ITTEB5 


What  the  great  restorative, 
Hostetter'a  Stomach  Bitters, 
.vill  do,  must  In-  gathered 
from  what  it  has  done.  It 
has  effected  radical  cures  in 
thousands  of  cases  of  dyspep- 
sia, bilious  disorders,  inter- 
mittent fever,  nervous  affec- 
tions, general  debility,  con- 
stipation, sickheadache,  men- 
tal despondency,  and  the  pe- 
culiar complaints  and  disa- 
bilities to  which  the  feeble 
are  so  subject. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS;,, 


I 


iqure.  Pbllk,  P» 


RESTORED. 


HR-    LIEBIG.    400 "  Geary    Street,  tontindes 
'-'  to  treat  sat  oewfnllj  every  form  of  Ohi  pi  cftl  Dis- 

ease wit)-,  .    nsuseous   drug".     DE. 

LIEBIG'B  [NVIQi  KiTOB   Is  th<    onlj   po  ttlve  and   perma- 
nent cure  for  nervous  and 

. 
will   be   forfeited  that  the  D 

tor  uodertakes  an  re,  If  his  directions  ere  followed. 

'!  permanently  cured, 
aftT  trying  In  valu,  la  owing  to  n  complication  call*  l  protta- 
torrhea.  which  requires  a  specif*,  remedy.  DH  LIEUIG'S 
EUTOB,  No.  3.  Is  a  specific  for  prostatorrhea.  Price 
of  either  Invigorator  |2  per  bottle,  or  6  bottles  HO.  Sent  to 
any  part  .if  the  country,  Call  or  address  DB.  LIEBIG  k  CO  , 
No.  400  Geary  street,  cornef  of  Mason  uireet,  San  Francisco. 
Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  eow 


C.  HERRMANN  &  CO. 

mi:uiEiiivv    i  he    llatler.l 


will  give  rot 


.A.    Better    Mat 

For  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coast.     I  lur  Stock 

is  the  largest  on  thin  slope  to  choose  from,  and  ha  i 

ingourown  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 

anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny^ Street,      336. 

Between   Bnsli   and    Pine,  Bnn   Francisco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue, 


TO  LEASE. 

A  good  paying  Route  on  this  paper. 
A  chance  for  the  right  man  to  make 
a  good  living.  The  lessee  must 
have  no  other  business  nor  cany  on 
Routes  for  other  papers,  and  must  be 
sober  and  industrious.  Apply  at  this 
office  for  information. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  etrt-et,  between  Market  and  Maeon. 
Rrk.ling  Brob. Proprietors  and  Managers 

Second  week  and  great  success  of  Flotow's 
Romantic  Opera,  in  three  acts, 

STRAP  K  LLA. 
German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte  Genee 

Last  performance  but  one  before  the  close 

of  the  season. 

With  kind  permission  of   Manager  McCall, 

MATHILUE     COTTRELLY 

The  favorite  of  the  Germans  will  appear  on 

the  two  Sunday  closing  nights  in  two 

of  her  most  brilliant  parts. 

SUNDAY,      -      -     -      -     APRIL  22d, 

THERESE "  KRONES. 

"  Ferdinanij  IUiMiNh,"    -    -    -    •     F-  URBAN. 
New  and  brilliant  songs  and  dresaea  will  be  introduced. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


JOKES    OF    THE    FUNNY     MEN. 
Not  a  legal  tender  in  Maine — the  bartender. 


The  reason  why  some  of  the  street  lamps  burn 
all  night  is  because  the  light  is  so  small  it  is  afraid 
to  eo  out  in  the  dark. 


"  With  this  bonnet  the  mouth  is  worn  slightly 
open,"  is  the  wording  of  a  sign  in  the  window  of  a 
Paris  modiste. 


A  lady  taking  tea  in  a  small  company,  being  very 
fond  of  hot  rolls,  was  asked  to  have  another. 
"Really  I  cannot,"  she  modestly  replied:  "I 
don't  know  how  many  I  have  eaten  already.''  "  I 
do,"  unexpectedly  cried  a  juvenile  upstart,  whose 
mother  had  allowed  him  a  seat  at  the  table. 
"  You've  eaten  eight  ;    I've  been  a-countin'." 


Another  fearful  warning  to  careless  people  is 
sent  to  us  by  a  correspondent.  A  Muncy  man 
picked  up  a  gun,  thinking  it  wasn't  loaded,  pointed 
it  at  his  sister,  and  playfully  saying,  "  I'll  shoot 
you,"  pulled  the  trigger.  There  was  a  scream  of 
feminine  agony,  a  pause,  and — 

Well,  the  gun  was'nt  loaded. 


The  remains  of  a  man  have  been  dug  out  of  the 
ruins  of  Pompeii,  with  his  hands  on  hU  stomach. 
We  did  not  know  that  the  cucumber  was  invented 
at  that  early  date. 

"  Charles,"  said  she,  as  she  leaned  her  classical 
head  upon  his  broad,  stalwart  shoulder,  "I  have 
but  one  request  to  make  before  our  wedding." 
"  Speak  out,  dearest,"  he  answered,  huskily. 
"  What  is  it  ?  "  "I  want  a  lock  of  your  hair." 
"Take  it,  darling,"  he  cried,  snatching  off  a 
brown,  vinegar-colored  wig  and  forcing  it  into  her 
hands.    "Take  it.    No  one  shall  ever  say  I  refused 


any  request  from  my  future  wife  involving  an  out- 
lay of  only  $15." 


"  I  hear  the  widow  Ferguson  is  in  destitute  cir- 
cumstances," said  Deacon  Gilpin  to  Squire  McGill 
the  other  morning.  "  Yes,  I  'spose  she  is,"  answer- 
ed the  'squire.  "  I  should  think  the  lodge  would 
do  something  for  her."  "  O  they  did.  When  Fer- 
guson died  they  published  almost  a  half  column  of 
resolutions." 


"  And  what,  in  the  name  of  goodness,  is  this  ? " 
asked  Mrs.  David  Davis,  as  the  Senator  lugged 
something  into  the  room  and  dropped  it  at  her  feet. 
"  This  is  my  shirt,  darling,  and  I  will  be  greatly 
obliged  if  you  will  sew  on  a  button  for  me." 
"  David  Davis,"  said  the  lady  sternly,  "when  you 
bring  me  your  shirt  I  will  sew  on  a  button  for  you, 
with  pleasure,  as  becomes  a  fond  and  dutiful  wife  ; 
but  just  now,  sir,  I  must  insist  upon  your  remov- 
ing this  circus  canvas  from  my  apartment." 

If  I  knew  a  poet  who  sang  of  spring, 

(Says  I  to  myself,  says  I), 
I'd  grab  his  muse  and  I'd  break  her  wing, 

(Says  I  to  myself,  says  I), 
I'd  chain  him  down  to  a  spike  in  the  floor, 
Make  him  eat  his  meals  through  a  hole  in  the  door, 
Till  he'd  swear  to  sing  of  spring  no  more 

(Says  I  to  myself,  says  I). 


A  London  publisher  has  discovered  in  novels 
thirty-five  ways  of  popping  trie  question,  but  lots 
of  men  will  swear  that  the  only  first-class  way  is  to 
ask  :  "  Sarah,  will  you  accept  my  back  as  a  winter 
foot-warmer  ?  " 


A  friend  of  ours  recently  received  a  piece  of  wed- 
ding cake,  placed  it  under  his  pillow  and  all  night 
long  he  reveled  in  the  most  delightful  dreams  of 
the  beautifuljheiress^he  was  about  to  wed.  In  the 
morning  when  he  awakened  he  was  struckawithjthe 


sickening  sensation  that  he  was  already  married 
and  had  seven  hungry  children  to  provide  for. 


"  Tom  is  a  good  fellow,"  says  an  admirer  of 
Congressman  Ochiltree  of  Texas:  "if  he  borrows 
money  of  a  friend  and  can't  repay  it  he  likes  him 
just  as  much  as  ever." 


"Salespersons"   is   a  word   that  includes  both 
sexes. 


&3T  No  family  dyes  were  ever  so  popular  as  the  Dia- 
mond Dyes.  They  never  fail.  The  Black  is  far  superior 
to  logwood.     The  other  colors  are  brilliant. 

"  ROUGH  ON  CORNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "Rough  on  Corns."    15c.    Quick  ;  corn- 
permanent  cure.     Corns,  warts,  bunions. 


plete 


Care-worn  persons,  students,  weak  and  overworked 
mothers,  will  find  in  Brown's  Iron  Bitters  a  complete 
tonic,  which  gives  strength  and  tone  to  the  whole  system. 


*  Ten  years  ago  the  name  of  Lydia  E.  Pinkham  was 
scarcely  known  outside  of  her  native  State.  To-day  it  is 
a  household  word  all  over  the  Continent,  and  many  who 
read  the  secular  and  religious  journals  have  become  fa- 
miliar with  the  face  that  shines  on  them  with  a  modest 
confidenc,  in  which  we  read  the  truth  that  "  Nothing  ill 
can  dwell  in  aueh  a  temple." 


'BUCHU-PAIBA." 


Quick,  complete  cup 
and  Urinary  Diseases. 


,  all   annoying  Kidney,  Bladder 
$1.      Druggists. 


SUBSCRIBERS 


Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP"  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
fit worth  810  tree.  Address  E.  ft 
RIDEOT/T  &  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.Y. 


S9S.OO 

FOR  ONLY 

Freight  & 


BEATTY'S  PARLOR  ORGANS  ONLY 


Length,  50  ins.,  Weight,  boxed,  about  450  lbs. 


$49.75 


Regular  Price  S95. 00  Without  Stool,  Book  and  Husio, 

24=    STOFS.-l.  Cello,  8  ft.  tone;  2.  Melodia,  8  ft.  tone;  8.  Clara- 

lii'llu,  X  I't.  I  Din-;   1.  Miiiuml  Suh-liass,  ]il  n.  {..n--;  f..    1:..iii  rlt  iii.  16  ft,  tune;  li.   Sa\a 

Shone, 8  ft,  tone;  7.  Viol  di  Gnmba,  X  ft.  tone;  S.  Diapason,  X  ft.  tone;  9.  Viola 
olce,  4  ft.  tone;  10.  Grand  Expression.-,  S  ft.  tone;  11.  French  Horn,  8  ft.  tone 
12.  Harp  ^olian;  13.  Vox  Humana;  11.  Echo,  8  ft.  tone;  15.  Dulclana,  8  ft.  tone 
16.  Clarionet.  8  ft.  tone;  17.  Yoix  Celeste,  js  ft.  tone;  is.  \  iolina,  4  ft.  tone;  19.  Vox 
Jnbilante,  8  ft.  tone:  20.  Piccolo,  1  ft,  tone;  Sl.(  'unpin-  I-I:i  nil  unique;  &J.  Orches- 
tral Forte  j    'Xi.  Grand  Organ  Knee  St  up;    :!!.  Uie;ht  Organ  Knee  Stop. 

t-^rThis  Organ  is  a  Iri ph  uf  I  he  organ-huildcrV  art.  IT  IS  VERY  BEAU- 
TIFUL IN  APPEARANCE.  UMNO  EXACTLY  LIKKOLT.  The  Case  is  solid  Wal- 
nut, profusely  ornamented  with  hand-carving  ;md  expensive  fancy  veneers. 
The  Pipe-Top  is  of  the  most  "beautiful  design  extant.  It  is  deserving  of  a  place 
in  the  millionaire's  pa  rim-.  and  Mould  ornament,  (ho  boudoir  of  a  princess. 

FIVE  SETS  ZEtlEIErDiS.-Five  octaves,  handsome  ap- 
pearance. It  will  not  take  the  dirt  or  dust.  K  contains  the  Sweet  VOIX  CE- 
LESTE STOP,  the  famous  French  Horn  Solo  Combination.  New  Grand  Organ 
Right  and  Left  Knee  Stops,  to  control  the  entire  motion  by  the  Knee,  if  neces- 
sary. Five  (5)  Sets  of  GOLDEN  T<  iNul'E  KEITHS,  as  follows:  a  act  of  powerful 
Sub-Bass  Reeds;  set  of  ;i  Octaves  of  V<  dX  CELESTE;  one  set  of  FRENCH  HORN 
REEDS,  and  2  1-2  Octaves  each  of  regula  im;i  >LDEN  T(  >Ni  ;  I  E  REEDS.  Besides 
all  this,  it  is  fitted  up  with  an  OCTAVE  COI'I'LEK,  which  doubles  i  he  power  of 
the  instrument,  Lamp  Stands.  Pocket  for  Music,  Realty's  Patent  Stop  Action. 
also  Sounding  Boards,  &c.  It  has  a  Sliding  Lid  and  conveniently  arranged 
Handles  for  moving.  The  Bellows,  which  are  of  the  upright  pattern,  are  made 
from  the  best  quality  of  rubber  cloth,  are  of  great  power,  and  are  fitted  up 
with  steel  springs  and  the  best  quality  of  pedal  straps.  The  Pedals,  instead  of 
being  covered  with  carpet,  arc  polished  metal  of  neat  design, and  never  get 
out  of  repair  or  worn, 

SPECIAL  TEN-DAY  OFFER  TO  READERS  OF  wasp. 

If  you  will  remit  me  $49.75  and  the  annexed  Coupon  within  10  days  from  the 
date  hereof,  I  will  box  and  ship  vuu  this  Organ,  with  Organ  Bench,  Book,  etc., 
exactly  the  same  as  1  sell  for  $95.  You  should  order  mimed!1  sly,  and  in  no 
case  later  than  10  days,  i  .me  year's  U-M  trial  k'iven  and  u  full  n  can  Lee  for  six 
years.        UIVLS   LM»i.KMV  HAM-    AN1>    SEAL, 


COUPON!  t>n  rece*Pt  of  tins  Coupon  from  any  readers  of  ItfjAK  OK 

and  $49.75  in  cash  by  Bank  Draft,  Post  Office  Money  Order,  Registered 
Letter,  Express  prepaid,  or  by  Cheek  on  your  Bank,  if  forwarded  within 
10  day*  from  date  hereof,  I  hereby  agree  C>  accept  this  Con  [ion  for  $45.25 
as  port  payment  on  my  celebrated  24  Mop  $95  Parlor  Organ,  with 
Bench,  Book,  etc.,  providing  the  cash  ha  hi  nee  of  S49.75  accompanies  t"is 
Coupon,  audi  will  send  you  a  receipted  bill  in  full  for  $95,  and  box  and 
ship  you  the  or:-au  tust  ns  it  is  advertised,  fully  warranted  for  six  years. 
Moin'y  refunded  ■>■■  i  Hi  interest  from  date  of  remittance  if  not  as  represented 
after  one  year's  use.  "?,'"gn„°.d)       DANIEL  F.  BEATTY. 


FREIGHT  PREPAID.  As  a  further  inducement  for  you,  (provided  you 
order  immediately,  within  the  10  days)  I  agree  to  prepay  freight  on  the  above 
Organ  to  your  nearest  railroad  freight  station  any  point  cast  of  the  Mississippi 
Kiver,  or  that  far  on  any  going  west  of  it.  This  is  a  rare  opportunity  to  place 
an  instrument,  as  it  were,  at  your  very  door,  all  freight  prepaid,  at  manufac- 
turer's wholesale  prlec».  Order  now;  not  bin  tr  *n\  ed  by  correspondence. 
HOW  TO  cvDERi  Enclosed  find  $49.75  for  Organ.  I  have  read  your 
statement  in  this  advertisement  and  I  order  one  on  condition  that  it  must 
prove  exactly  as  represented  in  this  advertisement,  or  I  shall  return  it  at  the 
end  of  one  year's  use  and  demand  the  return  of  mv  money,  with  Interest  from 
the  very  moment  I  forwarded  it,  at  six  per  cent.,  according  to  your  offer. 
gTBc  very  particular  to  srfvc  Name,  Pout  Office,  County,  State,  Freight 
Station,  and  on  what  Jtallrond.  C2rBe  sure  to  remit  by  Bank  Draft,  P.  O. 
Money  Order,  Registered  Letter,  Express  prepaid,  or  by  Bank  Check.  You  may 
accept  by  telegraph  on  last  day  and  remit  by  mall  on  that  day,  which  will 
secure  this  special  offer.  I  desire  this  mtie/nineent  instrument  introduced  with- 
out delay,  hence  this  special  price.  Providing  order  is  given  immediately. 


AgJffi£gS^n}DAMIEL  F,  BEATTY,  WasMng 


d,  New  Jersey 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Steuner  of  thla  Company  wUI  anil  from  Bi 

!  mo,  tor  porta  In  California,  "r.  . 

TKon,   Wft^lnn^ton    and    l,i:iho  Territories,    UritHh 
>  Columbia  and  Uaako,  aa  loUowa  : 

7A€i?}""riI","v^".,""'rn  <"ilsl  «""«••■  The  Steamera  ORL- 
ZABA  and  ASCON  anil  aver)  avodoyaat  9  *.  «.  for  San  Lui» 

°H'Ti',,;'"^.,Ii;'r  l"1'  l'"-A"^'1'-  mo  S wo,  aa  follow.: 

0  j  ,:.,',  •  -""'  "'"' :)"tl'  of  each  month.  ANCON,  Sth,  15th 
and  25th  of  u.u-h  month.    TheStoomor  IXIS  AM:l-:i.l  s  .„i,..„.„ 

Wednesdaj  at  -  i   a   for  Santa  Cruz.  Monterey,  San  Sunt 

ucoa,  OaMota,  Santo  Barbara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

dml/SP    '  "'"">'>'"    ami     Alaska    ItouK-.      Steamship 

EUREhA,    canylng    1.   s.    Hails,    sails    from  Portland.   !)«.,, 
onor  about  the  utof  each  month,  tor  Port  Townaend,  w.  T.  Vic- 
taria^and   Nanaimo,  B.  C.  Fort  Wrongel,  Sitka   „,.|    II arriabure, 
£??  .fi.00""1'1',""-'  :"  ''"n  T"»"*<.'n<l  with  Victoria  and  Puelt 
sound  steamer  lea,  lag  San  Franciseo  the  3oth  of  each  month. 

f  ,Vrl,"rl1!  'I"'1  ra«r'  Soiiiul  Roulc.-The  SteamersGEO.  W. 

££I^  ",'  l'A,K,' 'TA  ;■""'  '""•' lkr  Bri*t-'»^ -Majc-ti  sand  United 
States  maUa,  Ball  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Frandaco,  at  2  r.  M. 
on  the  10th,  2nth,  an.l  »itb  of  ia,h  month,  for  Victoria  R.  ('  Port 
«™n.-.ei„l,  S  ,ii  I,    T  ,.  .  .,„.,,  Steilaeoom  and  Oh  mpia,  liaking  dose 

ronncction  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
UJnes,  Nanaimo,  Now  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  Im- 
portant points  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Towiiscnd  at  1 
Lnin"  .  ;,!'h'  ''■"  ""d  a"h  °<  rath  "l0"th.  a"d  Victoria  (Eaqui- 
mault)  at  11  i.   „.  0n  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 

rSlJa^?im  ?u,ldl.v  falls  on  "ie  10th,  20th  30th,  steamers  sail 
irom  San  Fmncieco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
sails  for  -New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  even  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Aota  or  Guide. 

,„^?rV.a,"I•  °r"epu,  Konle.-The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  PaeiBc  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
ffFjrn'H*K?Sffh",'0"e  °<  the  steamship,  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC.  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA    carrying  the  United  States   Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  4  Co, 'a 

a^S^'regon"^1'  ""  ^^  at  l0  *■  M'  ,or  P°rt"""» 

rifi?^'.?  "!"'.  HnmlloliH  Bay  Ronte.-Steamcr  CITY  OF 

lH™Sl,s"1;  fr°'»  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

wmlr'T,  :l1"'  Mendocino  Kontc.-Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey'e  Cove,  Little  River  and 
aiendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R.         NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oakland,    Alameda,   Newark,  San    jom-.  Loa  «;aiu. 
<.i.  11, i.  Felton,  ui„  Tr,.,.„  allll  >nn,a  irilu 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  ......  igijg 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Tears. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H . 

Prices  20  per  cent.  Lower  than  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 

IS"  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "S» 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -"  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       .       —       .       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  218  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRAN0IS0O,  OAL. 

Morris  &   Kennedy 

19  and  21  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE   GALLERY. 


ON 

$5 

ciuaiv 


P"Tn;l:<,ll  '!'■  si'KSKRY,  MOUNTAIN  VIKWS,  BIG  TREES 

■  |  Clara  Valley,  Monterej    Baj      I    rl 
OAH1AOBUZ  than  any  other  route.     No    I    ngeofooi 

'':'|,"l'""  "'  ■""!  r'" id  Brat  claas.      PASSENGER  n;  LI 

aropon,  foot  of  Uarlcal  street,  Boi  ru  sidi    il 
R"3n  A„M"  ,l:"lv'  "' '"  Vul  I^renao,  West  San  Loandro.  Bua- 
U.UU  «11-.  Mt  Eden,   Alvarado,    Halle,   Ne»-ark    I 
Mowrya,  An-..  Agnowe,  Saot-i  Clara,  BAN  JOSE,   i 

i'i',;5.-.     '  l,ll-'lll""|.<ili"»i--i.  Doughertys, Felton  B 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  li  M. 

9-3fl  'v-M  I?"1"1^ oxeeptedX  Express:  Mt,  Eden,  Urarado, 
o.'VV  N*"?'".  Centervtlle,  Alviao,  Agnam,  Santa  Clara,  SAN 
i'l    i;  j|"Gat'"  a'"J  ",r>  ,,'"i",l  l"  SANTA  CRUZ, arriving 

4 .on  P.  M.  (Sundaya  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE  and  Intermedl. 
_  iUU  ate  stations. 

,  S*M^Ji«       *       special      Passenger      Train 

leavesSanJojeat5:20P.  B.-,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  :  16. 
EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CKIZ  AND  $2.50  TO  SAN 
Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 

TO    OAKLAND    A)iD    AXAMEDA. 

§6:30-7:30-sa0-9:30— 10:30—11:30 A.  M.  «I1'2:30-1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 1:30—  5:30— (1:30-7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streels.  Oakland— ,6:57 
— §6:57-7:57-S:52-9:52-I0:5'2-"Ill:5-2  A.  M.  12:52-1:52-2:52 
—3:52-4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M. 

From  nigh  street.  Alanietln— §5:4£— 86:45— 7:45— 8:35-9:35 
-10:35— "111:35  A.  M.  12:35-1:35-2:35-3:35—4:35—5:35-6:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     •!  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadwav*  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temeacni,  University,  Ccm- 
ctcriu-,  etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.    Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  o'fflccs  822  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland  ;    Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FKACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

April  8th.        Gen'I  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


DR. THOMAS  HALL'S 


|  Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH   TUKIU    UNIOUE    \Nh  VARI]  BIVEB 

!  Ltl   Pnuisportataon  pen.  ■  ■  ,■    I'aciflc 

iw»  aod  form  direct  «jj 

Up  I  be  <  ..hiliihi.-i      i  n.Wall* 

wnjio    Dayton,  tin    p  j,  &c  Wv«  Pi  I 

l  p  Hi.    i'i  nil  a'Oretllc  DlvlKlon    TbAinm  rtb, Cbcr-er, 
■    Efclta,  Ukt  Pend  d'OreUIe,  :.n<l  --til  pointaiD 

Northurn  Idaho  and  Montana  : 

1 1»  iii«    Willamette  tali.-,    T.  td 

.  Mi.  i...  lutilnJ  cooirtry  ..is.. ml 

Don  ii  lite  i  oliiiiihld     Thr 

ry  to  Ahton-i  ami  interiuoii.,!.    I 

Ovtx  i«»  Paget  SouimI    ToT  0    mpla,'j3catt]e,  Bat 

rownsend,   Victoria  and  Beiiagham  Baj  ■* 

m  delightful  cUmati  and  cbarnung  pi  is] 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dally  Stages  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  .Fork  Division, 
direct  for  Missoula  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Supt  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 

San  FrnnclM-o  oilier    '*14  MOMlgoaieJ?  M. 


1863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


>LEADIN6  OPTICIAN 


PEBBLE 


ABSOLUTELr    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  thra  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  mediciil  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

itSTForsalc  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES'  drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


SPECTACLES  L 


KewStvlest  (JoUt  iitvtltd.  Aklge and 
Chroma  Visaing  Cards  finest  quality* 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  SO 

chromos  with  name.  10cM  a  present 

ioitheachorUer.ULisi<jxliaoa.&  <_'<--.,  <J. i it !■.  in  Ilk-,  Conn. 


CARDS 


flJC   +j-j    dJOn  pet  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $6  free. 


Address  Stissos  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St..  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  186S. 
WHOLESALE  AND  EETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  caBes  of  defective   vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. ^1 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

MERCHANT  S. 

...  AGENTS    FOK 

Spreckels'  line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's   Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


W*3, 


■^^1^ 


?      / 


^.•*sto-ij.^i«>»K*r»^Vi-^  ^  J- -.-:■  ii...-y  && 


■...■-.-.-  -. .  i  ■    >,.— .•.-A.ww;^*^:«y,t'-t»M.7*-,'tav;i 


fry  "OUR  LITTLE ; BE AUnE8j^gg,ygrp~d- 


Pure,  Mild,* 
Fragrant  and  Sweet" 


JTALLEX  k  G INTER, 


ICOLL 

POPULAR    PRICES! 

LARGE    STOCK? 
CHOICE  WOOLEN 


Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free 


H  E  JAILOR 


POPULAR    TA'tOU! 

Men's  and  Doys' 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


Ready-Made  Clothing 


^s__  IVren's    Furnishing     Ccods. 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


fa  Tartar  and  Bi-Gaii  Sola 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros.  £  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


And  Fancy  ITeckwear. 
816  &  81S  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


Extraordinary     Razor 

ETAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
"■  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
Is  80  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  $3  In  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  Y4TI1  IN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c.  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


TWICHEFTT 

-1— '  Kid  Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    A     BROVS, 
321     Harliet    Street, 

0WNHB3   OP 

S^reckels'Line   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  t»  II oaeloln. 


SIBEEIAN    ZB^ILS^IM:! 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  ColcL,  Affec-' 
tions  of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 


DEPOT.    415    nO.VTCOHEET    STREET. 


W  ts- Ask    For 
ILLi 


F»r  naif  by  all  Druegl.l*. 


B. 


OWS    DEER. 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

suocaseoa  to 

MASSEY    i     mio, 

»«.    <SI    SU'KIIIHVTO    KTRBKT. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sajt  FtAHcawo. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior   in 

QUALITY. 


II.    Moor*. 

0  F 

JESSE  MOORE  »  00 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  B.  Hunt. 
San  Francisco. 


PkBNTISB  SBLBT,  Sup't 


H.  B.  Undbkoill,  Jr. ,  Sec'y. 


Selfoy    Smelting:    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTOkBRS  OP  

Lead  Pipe,  S  leet  lead,  shot.  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Ant i- Friction  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -  San    Francises 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR    THE 

I-TTT7-HITE    ^ROfilt!    FLC 


MAMIKTIQUI    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

S--i!'  see  loeal  notice  In  another  column. 


e-of-D     REyTUCKr     wmsKEY.-a 


HVTMOPSTD'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST  \ 

In  the  World. 

ask  your. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


tst 

H 

i 

Y 


KOKXKK  *  cnWE,  137  to  13*  P«M  ftt., 

Sole  Areata  for  the  Celebrated 

DeckerBrosPiano 

Also  for  .he 
FiscfflHK  and  the  i;mi:rkoi  pimb*,. 
Cash  or  installments.     Larguwt  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 

H.  E.  WlLUAR,  JB.  A.  CaHLISLM. 

A,    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Franotscc 

h!    hoesch, 
Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

4  17    Pine    Street 

Ret    Montgomery  &nd  Kearny,  San  Francisno. 


THE   NEVADA  BANK 


OF    BAN    FRANCISCO. 

Capital  Paid  ITb       .      .        $s,*M,w>*' 
'     4.5W.0W 


Reserve  1 .  a.  B«nds 


Agency  at  New  York K  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

BuyB  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  In 
Bulliom. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

flOLB    AGENTS    tOM. 

"COLD  DUST"  WHISKEY 

411    (lay    Street, 
SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Chlckering  &  Sons.Boeton :  Bluthner, Leipzig ; 
F.  L.  Neumann.  Hamburg:  G.  Bchwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Fairell  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  SAN  FHANCISCO. 
J.  J.  Pal.hr.  Valentine  Rbt. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of/Printing  and  Lithographing 

PEESSES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wnrerooms.  405  A  407  sansomeSt-S.  F 

We  hawo  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


»"DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "«■ 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

8UCCEBS<  ilia     TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAKE RS 

And    EMBALMERS. 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  In  the  Statu. 

Ail  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  Na  8047. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


«^  HARDWOOD   LUMBER.-„J?.hiLwi?S12L^.-«23 


POANE  &  HENSHELWOOD- -Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St.,B»gfa 


DAS      Lfc.lWfuO      wtLLLAiUC      iiiiI.->. 

(Piano  Box  with  Top.) 

The  above  style  of  Cart  is  very  handsome,  and  is 
the  kind  purchased  largely  by  those  who  employ  two 
horses,  but  it  may  also  be  used  with  on  i.  It  i6  a  very 
pood  kind  for  livery  stables,  and  is  often  preferred  to  a 
buggy  by  the  patrons  of  such  establishments.  They 
are  made  with  either  rubber-cloth  or  full  leather  tops. 
Catalogues  giving  full  information  sent  on  application. 
Village  Riding  Carts  vs.  Breaking  Carts. 

It  must  be  understood  that  San  Leandro  Village 
Oarts  are  not  breaking  earts,  but  pleasure  vehicles- 
like  buggies.  O-De  of  the  most  serious  obstacles  that 
the  makers  of  riding  or  pleasure  carts  have  to  en- 
counter is  the  fact  that  the  country  is  full  of  these  so- 
called  breaking  carts  or  vehicles  modled  after  them 
and  retaining  their  objectionable  features.  Many  oer- 
BODS  who  contemplate  buying  a  cart  take  an  experi- 
mental ride  in  one  of  those  tiresome,  bobbing  arrange- 
ments, and  after  going  a  half  mile  alight  with  a  firm 
conviction  that  they  have  had  enough  of  two-wheeled 
vehicles  ;  and  it  is  but  the  truth  to  say  that  the  mo- 
tion of  a  cart  in  which  the  seat  is  connected  to  the 
shafts  is  nearly  as  tiresome  and  unpleasant  as  horse- 
back riding  on  a  hard -trotting  horse.  But  with  a  cart 
so  constructed  and  hung  as  mine  are — with  the  body 
wholly  independent  of  the  shafts— all  that  trouble  is 
thoroughly  overcome,  and  to  prove  that  such  is  the 
ease  I  will  send  a  cart  to  any  responsible  person,  to  be 
paid  for  after  trial,  If  it  Khali  prove  to  ride  as 
easily  as  the  best  buggy  and  be  capable  of  being 
made  level  whether  a  large  of  small  horse  is  used,  the 
purchaser  to  be  the  Judge  as  to  whether  the  guarantee 
is  sustained  or  not 

I  have  sent  very  many  carts  to  total  strangers  on 
the  above  conditions  and  I  have  yet  to  have  one  re- 
turned, nor  have  I  lost  a  dollar  by  so  doing. 

Jacob  Price, 

Inventor  and  Manufacturer. 
San  Leandro,  Cal 

TRFMAN.  IS  II  AM    <fc  CO., 

511  Market  St.,  San  Francisco,  CaL,  agents. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION.1 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For    Coughs,  Colds, 
sWhoopir.g  Coughs  and 
'all    Throat    affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE     BAKSJIEB,     933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  8.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    8ITTTER    STREET, Ban  Fraaetoo,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER. 

THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

«3»  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  FranelM*. 

JNO.  F.  LOH8E,  Secy  MlUs  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  OSoe  Box,  2086. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFOKIMIA. 

ASSETS $1,230  .000 

HOME  OFFICE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  wad  Sansome  Sta. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

ALPHEU3  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wm.  J.  Dtjtton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Caepenteb,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  I.  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

OASH  ASSETS  BEPREBENTED....  ..$23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clarfe,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Capt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ^&£g^  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

Capital,     t        ;        %    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Prea. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francia  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowlee,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


Pembroke,  Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  docks,  H^e  Fans  and  Art  Brlc-a-Brao  repaired,  8i»  O'FarreU  Street,  near  Powell  San  Francisco. 


PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


\ 


LIFE  SCHOLARSHIP  FOR  A  FULL  BUSINESS  COURSE,  $70. 


THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTED. 

BEST 

Regulated, 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE  1 

ON  THE 

Pacific  Coast 


HEADS 

OF 

Families 

(Of  moderate  means} 

CAN  GIVE 

THEIR  8018 


|  Gooil  Business 

EDUCATION 

. AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 


SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR. 


VIEW  07  ACTUAL  BUSINESS  DEPARTMENT  OF  PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


J: 


320  POST  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 


#w»   ^*  )*V  ^v 


>k 


VOL.   X.        SAJN    FKANClSCO,  APKIL  28,   1883. 


No.  352. 


* 


roede:re;r 

Champagne. 

hK    Regular  Invoices  received  direct  (rem  Sir.   Lonl*  Rorderer,  Reims,  over  his  signature  and 
Consular  Invoke.|    Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 


For 
3reakfast 

AMD., 

Lunch 
Goto  the.; 
lev   England 
KITCHEN 

522 

.  ;illft.rnlii  St. 


MACONDRAY  &  CO.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast 


HE  CELEBRATED 

AMPAGNE  WINES 

I  Dhutk  &  Geldhrmjudi  At,  en  CfoompagTie. 


CACHET    BLANC- Extra    Drv. 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEK      SEAL, 

In  baskets,  qnarts  and  pinta 

lofu  \  bed  and  white  wres, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A  de  Luze  &  FUa. 

HOCK     WINES, 

a  from  0.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

rles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


m  tt7  son  a  literal  edTicatlon." 


ttAMBEELADT  &  ROBINSON 

PltOPEtETORB. 


PACIFIC 


BUSINESS 
OLLEGE. 


5 


[|32 


Street 


S.F, 


SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR'®! 


Leopold   Bro's 

85  POST  STKEET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreathe,  Crosaei 


s 


s 

MOM  V 

Street. 


lotographer. 


IEN   IVIGAriY  &  CO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

lUOR    MERCHANTS, 

122  and  824  FRONT  STBEET, 
FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


donald    McMillan, 

Hanufacturur  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,  CALIFORNIA  WINES,  Etc., 
7U    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    (IV 

FRENCH      RRANDIES, 

PORT,     -111  llttt.     Kir. 
In  bond  or  dot v  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    2,     San    Francisco 


B 


^D    rink 

ETHESDA 

AGENCY.  418  SACRAMENTO  ST..  S.  F. 


Jakes  Shba.         A   Bocqueraz.         R.  McEbb. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaeksoa   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


Merchant  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DTJPONT. 

San   Francisco,   Cal. 
J.  Schwartz.  Sol.  Shipper. 


E.     MARTIN     &.    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 

"  HILTON    J.    HARDV,"  

•*J.    F,    CTTTEB." 
and -"  MILLER'S   EXTRA" 

Old    Bourbon    Whiskies.) 
408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


s  c  is:  l  i  t  z  3 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOEOHTTNG,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO   Streets,    San    Fninrlsro. 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANGE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

I  410  Front  Street,  S.  F. ,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

HI^NOflHazelton  Bros 


A 


. 


iper  Heidsieck 

CHAMPAGNE!! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

914  California  St.,  .San  Fmn <■!*<■«,  Cam, 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  P 

C.     Z  I  N"  N"  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR. 

No.  S  Montgomery  Street  Olainonle  Templet, 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pant.} 
HAVE     REHOVBD    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    e,    8    and     1*, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Br.  (HAS   W.   DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN. 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,   London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


jjj   First  Class,   V 
Medium  Price,  A 


l 


FULL    VALUE     1  I 

FOR  YOTJR  MON£Y  *%#_ 


IOFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

raping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

1 8 0     and     12  3     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

,mento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


HALLET  &  CUMSTOIN, 

A.pH.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 
647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Oo's 

C°BUDWE1SER  BEERU 


■WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco.  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


^-SAlV    FRANCISCO^ 

FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The  nighest  Standard  of  Excellence. 
12      MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The    Prize     Boot     and    Shoe    Maker, 


^•Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Rest  Work- 
manship. 


MEUSSDORFFERS  HATS  ARE  'THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts, 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS   AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CABMAHY.  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


L.  &  E.  EMANUEL, 

SUOOESSORS  TO 

GOODWIN  &  CO. 

Manafacturers,  Wholesale   and   Retail  Dealers 
in  every  Description  of 

Furniture  and  Bedding. 

The  largest  and  finest  assorted  stock  and  lowest 
prices  of  any  Furniture  House  in  San  Francisco. 

723    Market     Street. 


SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon. 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  OA  V. 
IAK  and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
Sausages.  A.  KE1SC1IE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DItY  MONOPOLE  (extra), 

L.  «cot.l»i'.ni:it  (sweet  and  dry), 

MOET  A   <  II ilWA 

VEUVE    CLICQUOT, 

ForsalehyA.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(John  F.  Skow  <4  Co.) 

£S- Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Motel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gioves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
Cll.vs.  J.  UOLIUES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.      D., 

(Oculist.) 

FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  si.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


W 


oilers  Brothers&.Oo  FranciscoI)anhri-  henrtcasanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

37  and  39  California  Street, 


Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Li 


quors 


221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm, 


SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  CHANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY 

Capital  Stock 


$200,000. 

f*  f  $  $  $  $   ? 

OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW. 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN   ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 

JSpAHTiffTOKEEP/      the  Pacific  Coast. 

^V"  ci  iwrfV^^RCDOLPH  MOHK,  Secretary. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

\os.  114  and  11G  Market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDOMALD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  335  Spear  St.,  318  to  33G  smart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal.. 

LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Win.    F.  HABKISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,      SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

CQMISSIO^l  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS^ 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AOENT8  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  Ohina  Traders*  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works ;  the  OlBBgow  Iron  Oo. 
Nich,  Aahton  &  Son's  Salt. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    T 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  SIS. F.  CAL.  ^ 

0^~None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Label  and  Cork_^8 


L.    P.    DEGEN'    Ma 


Watei  Proof  Leather  JSelting. 
13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S  WIDOW 


CELEBRATKD    CALIFORNIA 


CH 
PC 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         %mm 
80S  M01VT<;o»mny  St.,  San  Francisco. 

H  .     N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MAltKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco.  ' 

Every    Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


J*__626  MONTGOMERYST.  8l  S.E.COR.SUHER  a  DU^ONI^STS, 


Dfiak 

BOCA 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    en   the   Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Day,  Grain  and  « ommlBsloa  Mer- 

rc>-   -  it— r   -  f_  chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS,t  S.  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP  Jk.  H?   IE    Ti 


OP    ALL     KLVLB. 

-v.  me**"  

413  and  415  Sansome  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eighth  and  Brannnn  streets. 

0LAU8  8PRE0KELB President 

J.  D.  SPRE0KEL8    Vice-Preldent 

A.  B.  8PRE0KEL8 Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

Six     FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Presided! 
OBice— SO*  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


^-STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A-  °-.°°0,L*.s°N' 


CVOL.  10. 


y?3  52 


£A'7F/&0  at 7vs />asr e/f/cf  w sArtrtzwc/scac/n.  /?#&  jm/rKv /v/?  t^a's/^/ssi'OM  77/feos//  t#£ /yf^/^s  //r  st-iro/yo  cvtss  fflrss 


THE 


RESURRECTED         BRAVE 


THE    WASP 


THE     SKIPPER'S    REVENGE, 


A    Truthful    Tale  of   the    Tropic   Seas. 


The  mocking  paroquet  swung  at  ease, 

High  on  a  marline  pin. 
The  monkey  nllip'd  a  brace  of  fleas, 

Adance  on  its  shrimp-pink  skin. 
But  the  sombre  skipper  sighed  for  a  breeze 

And  his  brow  was  as  black  as  sin. 

For  a  maiden,  ripe  as  a  poet's  heart, 

Drank  to  him  with  her  eyes ; 
While  the  sea-cook,  mixing  a  taro  tart. 

Glared  with  unfeigned  surprise  ; 
Each  smile  of  the  maid  was  a  forked  dart, 

And  arrowy  volley  her  cries. 

"  O  !  Captain,  Captain,  and  why  so  far, 
So  far  in  the  calm,  still  west  ? 
Do  we  near  the  land  where  the  bimleys  are  ; 

"Where  the  wimblewig  naps  in  its  nest  ; 
Where  the  startled  brattle-bug  vaults  from  its  star 
To  glare  from  the  crater's  crest  ?  " 

Then  the  skipper  shivered  in  every  limb, 

And  shivered  his  timbers  too. 
The  sea-cook  chanted  a  Fiji  hymn, 

'Twixt  the  gulps  of  a  bass  boohoo. 
The  sun  peered  over  the  ocean's  brim 

And  marvelled  at  all  the  ado. 

Then  the  Captain  gathered  himself  together, 
And  thus  to  himself  said  he  : 
"  Unless  we  change  this  lubberly  weather 
She'll  be  the  finish  of  me." 
So  he  pulled  his  whistle  out  by  its  tether 
And  blew  with  his  back  to  the  lee. 


The  tumbling  sea  tossed  up  and  down. 

The  sun  in  the  west  glowered  red. 
The  Captain  shook  from  his  brow  its  foam. 

The  monkey  stood  on  its  head. 
The  sea-cook  grinned  like  a  circus  clown, 
And  the  maiden — went  to  bed. 

-E.   S.   Smith. 
Off  Maui,  Mart'h  10,  JSS3, 


BOLOGNA    SAUSAGE    AND     SWISS    CHEESE. 


From   the    German,  After  Willoinitzer. 


Wondrous  to  look  upon  was  the  youth- 
ful amazon,  as  she  was  wafted  past.  Her  lovely 
countenance  was  red  as  a  rose  ;  her  raven  locks 
fluttered  unconfined  ;  her  dark  eyes  sparkled  mag- 
nificently ;  gracefully  heaved  her  bosom. 

"  Whatever  you  may  say,  Baron,"  said  she  to  the 
trim  hussar  riding  by  her  side,  "  whatever  you 
may  say,  I  maintain,  that  true  power  and  greatness 
are  only  to  be  found  among  the  people,  the 
bourgeoisie  ! " 

Baron  Highhome  smilingly  shrugged  his  shoul- 
ders. "  The  model  man,  as  he  appears  to  you 
Countess,  would  be  then,  some  decent  soap-boiler, 
a  tinker,  a  cobbler  or  a  tailor. 

Countess  Helen,  of  Eaglesnest  replied  with 
severity  ;  •'  Indeed,  a  man  of  honest  toil,  whatever 
he  may  be." 

Indignantly  the  Baron  checked  his  dapple-gray. 
"  Eh,  bien  !  "  exclaimed  he,  mockingly  after  a 
pause,  "  if  then  such  a  man  of  labor  had  the  in- 
trepidity to  ask  for  your  hand  ?  " 

"  Then  might  this  venture, "  replied  the  countess, 
"  be  possibly  successful  ;  although  I  know  the 
difficulties  which  my  father's  rigid  pride  of  ancestry 
would  present  to  a  plebeian  suitor. " 


The  foregoing  fragment  of  a  novel  was  read  by  the 
journeyman  tailor,  Werner,  after  he  had  completed 
his  day's  work,  gleaning  it  from  a  newspaper  where- 
in the  sausage- dealer  had  wrapped  a  pair  of 
Bologna-sausages.  The  threader  read  the  story  with 
ever  growing  interest  and  devoured  the  sausage  in 
untamed  haste  An  involuntary  cheer  escaped  him 
at  the  telling"  remark  wherewith  the  noble  Countess 
snubbed  the  Baron.  It  was  a  pity  that  right  there  a 
painful  fracture  of  the  paper  brought  that  interest- 
ing story  to  an  abrupt  termination.  An  emotion, 
which  had  been  hitherto  unknown  to  him,  per- 
meated the  journeyman.  The  raven  locks  of  the 
Countess  Helena,  of  Eaglesnest,  her  beaming  eye, 
her  liberal  principles,  her  heaving  bosom— all  these 
were  visible  and  palpable  to  him  in  their   fascinat- 


ing beauty.  Leve's  primeval  power  had  seized  the 
young  man's  soul  with  its  enchanting  might. 
Werner  loved  !  He  loved  the  heroine  of  that  story 
which  had  wrapped  the  bologna-sausages.  Werner 
passed  a  sleepless  night.  Dark  clouds  obscured  the 
blue  horizon  of  his  first  love.  Not  that  he  was  dis- 
turbed by  the  circumstance,  that  every  guarantee 
for  the  actual  existence  of  the  object  of  his  devo- 
tion was  lacking.  No.  The  faithful  veneration  for 
the  printed  word  was  too  firmly  rooted  in  his  simple, 
childlike  mind  to  permit  the  skeptical  thought  to 
disturb  him,  that  Countess  Helena,  of  Eaglesnest, 
with  her  raven  locks,  with  her  beaming  eyes  and 
the  rest  of  her  details,  was  merely  an  etherial,  im- 
aginary fabrication.  It  was  rather  the  following 
other  considerations,  which  drove  sleep  from  Wer- 
ner's couch. 

From  eleven  until  thirty  minutes  of  midnight 
the  young  journeyman  was  tortured  by  the  ques- 
tion whether  he  could  count  upon  a  return  of  his 
passion.  After  the  above  mentioned  half  hour's 
debate  with  himself  Werner  answered  that  ques- 
tion, principally  in  view7  of  the  noble  utterance 
wherewith  the  Countess  had  glorified  the  men  of 
toil,  with  a  unanimous  affirmative.  From  11:30 
until  half-past  one  he  was  racked  by  jealousy. 
What  would  that  supercilious  Baron?  -Whence 
came  he  on  horse-back  ;  whether  ridel8§3$ie  with 
her  1  Why  should  they  ride  oui>- together*  at  all  1 
But  also  in  that  direction  Werner  finally  reassured 
himself.  The  Countess,  as  appeared  clearly  by  her 
expressions,  had  completely  fathomed  the  hollow 
inflation  of  that  hated  person.  From  that  quarter 
no  danger  threatened.  But  the  father  !  the  lineage- 
proud  father  of  Helena  !  Until  three  o'clock  in 
the  morning  he  afflicted  that  poor  tailor.  Would 
the  straight-laced  aristocrat  consent  to  a  mesalliance 
of  his  daughter  ?  Certainly,  as  the  Countess  quite 
properly  indicated,  it  will  require  a  hard  contest. 
But  finally  the  old  man  will  relax  when  he  recog- 
nizes that  the  life's  happiness  of  his  presumably 
only  daughter  is  at  stake.  Pleasant  thoughts 
finally  supplanted  the  different  anxious  reflections. 

Coulewr  de  rose  glimmered  Werner's  future.  Ho 
will  enter  as  the  happy  groom  in  the  castle  of  the 
Eaglesnests.  He  will  fondle  Helena  tenderly.  He 
will,  with  her  by  his  side,  ramble  in  the  park  ;  he 
will  ride  out  with  her,  etc.,  etc.  As  to  the  Baron 
Highhome,  he  will  politely,  but  decidedly  interdict 
his  visits.  Beer,  roasted  goose  and  such-like  will 
occur  in  plentiful  abundance.  Tailoring  will 
naturally  be  shelved.  But  stop — the  Countess 
adores  honest  labor.  Well,  about  that  they  will 
come  to  some  agreement. 

It  is  really  remarkable  what  insignificant  cir- 
cumstances frequently  wreck  the  prettiest  projects. 
Next  morning  it  occurred  to  Werner  that  as  yet  he 
did  not  possess  the  accurate  address  of  Helena  ; 
and  that  such  information  might  be  obtained  from 
the  preceeding  or  subsequent  numbers  of  the  news- 
paper the  title  of  which,  unfortunately  was  not  a 
part  of  the  fragment  in  his  possession.  He  has- 
tened to  the  sausage-dealer.  In  vain  !  Of  the 
journal  in  question  nothing  more  was  to  be  found. 
Werner  was  crushed.  He  could  not  be  expected 
to  travel  all  over  the  world,  trusting  to  luck  to  find 
his  Adored.  He  was  seized  by  a  deep  melancholy. 
A  hot  fever  threw  him  upon  a  bed  of  sickness. 
True  the  sound  and  strong  nature  of  the  journey- 
man-tailor conquered  the  sickness,  but  his  peace  of 
mind,  his  light-heartedness  were  lost.  Ineffaceable 
was  the  impression  which  the  amazon  had  made 
in  whose  history  the  Bolognas  had   been  wrapped. 


Let  us  skip  a  period  of  several  years.  Werner 
had  married  a  plump  and  wealthy  tailor's  widow 
and  had  established  himself  in  business.  True,  the 
pain  of  his  hopeless  passion  had  softened,  yet  his 
heart  still  belonged  to  the  Countess.  Repeatedly 
had  his  wife,  listening  by  stealth,  caught  the  si*4h 
"  Helena  "  as  it  escaped  him  during  his  dreams. 
That  led  to  serious  investigations.  But  Werner's 
spouse  was  a  sturdy  goody  ;  and  since  she  inferred 
from  her  husband's  talk  that  he  once  should  have 
married  a  certain  Countess  Helena,  contrary  to  the 
wishes  of  her  lineage-proud  father,  but  that  noth- 
ing came  of  it,  the  tender-hearted  Mrs.  Werner  no 
longer  urged  him  to  explain,  so  as  not  to  cause  the 
cicatrized  wound  to  bleed  anew. 

Twenty  years  after  the  commencement  of  the 
herein  related  occurrences,  sat  Werner  with  his 
wife,  children  and  journeyman,  gilded  by  the  last 
rays  of  the  setting  sun,  in  the  little  garden  adjoin- 
ing his  house — at  supper.  After  eating,  he  was 
suddenly   overcome   by   a   peculiar   longing   after 


Swiss  cheese.      "Go,  Anton,1'  said  he  to  his  *eh 
est,   "  go  fetch  me  some  Swiss  cheese." 

Anton  went  and  brought  the  Swiss  cheese.  Be 
tiny  often  toys  peculiarly  with  man.  The  grow 
had  wrapped  the  cheese  into  an  old  yellowed  pie< 
of  newspaper  which  contained  the  closing  chapti 
of   the  fuilleton  novel,  "Helena  of  EaglesneBt" 

While  Werner  was  eating  the  cheese  he  glanet 
at  the  paper.  As  if  stung  by  a  viper  (vipe) 
amodyUs,  Lin.)  he  sprang  from  his  seat. 

"What  does  the  paper  contain?  Are  we  1 
have  war  ?  "   asked  the  startled  wife. 

But  Werner,  stunned,  had  his  gaze  riveted  upc 
the  paper.  "  H'm,"  said  he,  after  a  pause,  in 
husky  voice,  "so  she  has  taken  him  after  al 
Look,  that  I  never  should  have  supposed." 

"  Yes  ;  but  of  whom  do  you  speak  ?  "  cried  tl 
wife. 

"Of  Helena." 

"  So,  So  !     Well,  how  does  she  do,  that  Helena? 

Then  read  Werner,  with  a  voice  full  of  emotion 

*  *  *  After  twenty  years  we  find  here  Heler 
of  Eaglesnest  and  Baron  Highome  a  happy  pai 
surrounded  by  a  troup  of  red-cheeked  childrei 
They  stand  upon  the  balcony  of  the  castle  and  u  \ 
mire  the  sunset.  'Now,  Helena,  do  you  still  n 
gret,'  joked  the  Baron,  '  that  you  have  given  yoi 
hand  to  me  instead  of  some  honest  tradesman  U 
the  voyage  through  life  ?  ' 

"  Smilingly  replied  Helena  :  '  In  principle  I  a; 
still  in  favor  of  the  men  of  toil,  and  had  the  rig] 
one  appeared  I  should  certainly  have  preferre 
him  to  you.      However,  it  should  not  have  been 

"  '  Ah,  you  little  tease,'  said  the  Baron;  an 
they  embraced  each  other  feelingly."        *    *    * 

With  moist  glances,  the  tailor  put  the  papi 
down. 

"  Yes,  indeed,  Helena,"  he  said,  not  withoi 
bitterness,  "  it  should  not  have  been.  And  whe 
I  consider  that,  even  without  this,  I  have  acquire 
a  respectable  competence  and  a  true  companion  f< 
life,  and  that  it  is  always  somewhat  problematic  I 
a  simple  tradesman  marries  into  a  haughty,  linear 
proud  family — then  I  might  say  as  well:  'It 
perhaps  better  thus.'  " 

"  So  it  is,"  said  Mrs.  Werner;  and  fervent* 
they  embraced  each  other.  M.  T. 


AN     INDISPENSABLE    BOOK. 

One  of  the  most  valuable   books   of   reference 
Hubbard's   Newspaper   and   Bank   Directory  oj  tt 
World.     This   work  is  in  two  volumes,   compriein 
2,593  pages.     A  mere  catalogue   of  all   its   varioi 
"  features  "  would  require  more  space  than  weca 
devote  to  the  subject.     The  first  part  of  Vol.  I, 
occupied  by  various    matters  of  general  and  speci' 
interest,  and  then  follows  a  list  of  American  new 
papers,  arranged  alphabetically  by  States  and  Te 
ritories,  succeeded  by   similar   lists  of  those  of  tl 
British-North  American  Provinces.     The  work 
full  of  valuable  maps,  charts,  statistics,    specimei. 
of  the  typography  of  160  different   languages,  fa 
similes  of  the  principal  domestic  and  foreign  new 
papers,  descriptive  articles   on  the    various  Stah 
and   Territories,    etc.     In   Vol.    II.  are  lists  of  a 
foreign    newspapers,    occupying     820    consecutii 
pages,  and  a  carefully  prepared  catalogue   ot  son 
20,000  of  the  "  responsible  "  banking  houses  of  tl 
world.     There  are  maDy  more   departments,  son 
of  them  of  great  value  and  interests,  which  wecai 
not    even    mention.     Altogether,     the   work  ma 
justly  claim  the   very   highest   rank   as  a  book  •' 
reference.     In  the   office  of  a  newspaper  or  a  me 
cantile  house  it  appears  almost   indispensable.      | 
w  e  had  a  suggestion  tu  make   it   would  be  that  j 
future  editions  the  editor   should   more  vigorous 
exercise.     There  are  in  the  issue   of   1882  sever, 
rather  displeasing  txamples  of  sentimentality  ;  f<! 
example  the  Garfield  page  ;  and  one  or  two  featun 
whose  interest  is  too  personal  to  be  in  good  taste 
namely,  the  gorgeous  portrait  of  Mr.   Hubbard  aD 
the    description   of  the  town    where   he   residea- 
"  the  Pearl  of  New  England",  commonly  (and  pr< 
ferably)  known  as  New  Haven,  Connecticut.  Thei 
are  minor  blemishes  that  detract  nothing  from  tl 
value  and  but  little  from    the   dignity  of  the  worl 
Edited  and  published  by  H.  P.  Hubbard,  propriett 
of    the    International    Newspaper    Agency,  Ne' 
Haven,   Connecticut. 


"  When  I  write  up  a  town,"  says  Bill  Nye  in 
letter  from  Greeley,  Colorado,  "I  do  so  with  tha 
fearlessness  and  clear  style  of  diction  which  ha 
given  me  a  wide  reputation  and  a  scar  over  the  lei 
eye."  -.- 


THE     WASP. 


O'RAFFERTY     AND    THE      FLEA. 


How     a     Trae     Born     Irishman     Deserted     the      Fenian 
Cause. 


Mr.   and   Mrs.    Emmet   O'Bafferty   were  of  the 

- f  Tehama  street,  scarcely  a  week 

passed  that  their  names  did  not  appear  in  the 
columns  of  the  morning  papers  as  guests  at  some 
social  gathering  in  their  immediate  neighborhood 
"  where  the  moments  glided  into  hours  and  it  was 
far  beyond  midnight  when  the  merry  suiprisere 
dispersed."  The  O'Bafferty  residence  had,  also,  on 
numerous  occasions  been  the  scene  of  gay  festivities 
when  "  the  mansion  was  brilliantly  lighted  up  and 
lavishly  decorated."  All  this  caused  Emmets 
bosom  to  swell  with  pride,  and  were  it  not  for  one 
thing  he  would  have  been  content  and  happy. 

Ever  since  he  had  been  able  to  think  for  himself 
it  had  been  Emmet  O'Kafferty's  one  great  desire  in 
life  to  have  Ireland  a  free  country  ;  to  see  the  iron 
heel  of  the  English  tyrant  torn  from  her  down- 
trodden soil  and  the  shamrock  hold  up  its  head  be- 
fore the  world.  At  nineteen  he  had  sailed  from 
Cork  and  after  a  six  month's  voyage  landed  at  San 
Francisco,  penniless  but  with  a  firm  determination 
to  make  his  fortune.  Drifting  about  the  State  of 
California  for  four  or  five  years  with  changing  for- 
tune, he  became  enamoured  of  Miss  Bridget 
Mahoney  and  after  a  brief  courtship  led  her  to  the 
altar.  After  his  marriage  he  settled  down  in  San 
Francisco  and  took  to  driving  a  swill  cart.  After 
thirty  years  of  strict  attention  to  this  business, 
during  which  his  family  had  largely  increased, 
Emmett  found  himself  no  better  off  financially  than 
when  he  first  commenced  to  drive  the  cart.  This 
was  due  to  the  fact  that  he  had  been  contributing 
all  the  money  he  could  save  towards  the  expense  of 
raids  on  Canada.  Irish  skirmishing  funds  and  the 
Fenian  cause  generally.  The  mysterious  disappear- 
ance of  the  last  skirmishing  fund,  to  which  he  had 
largely  contributed  without  any  battles  having  been 
fought,  troubled  him  greatly,  and  for  the  first  time 
he  began  to  doubt  if  Ireland  would  ever  be  free 
again.  W  ould  the  Fenian  cause  ever  triumph  i 
Should  he  contribute  any  more  of  his  hard-earned 
money  to  the  cause  which  had  accomplished  noth- 
ing in  all  these  years,  or  should  he  consider  it  hope- 
less and  henceforth  give  his  family  the  benefit  of 
all  he  could  earn  ? 

One  night  about  six  mouths  ago  Emmet  tossed 
restlessly  about  in  his  bed,  shifting  a  hungry  flea 
about  his  back  and  revolving  these  questions  in  his 
mind.  When  morning  came  he  had  resolved  that 
that  flea  should  decide  the  momentous  question  for 
him.  He  had  arrived  at  this  determination  by  the 
following  train  of  thought  :  "  They  say  patience 
and  perseverance  can  conquer  all  things,  and  tell 
some  kind  a  shtory  about  '  Bruce  and  shpitder  '  to 
show  it.  Faix,  I'll  give'm  one  about '  O'Rafferty  and 
the  Flaa  '.  I'll  catch  that  flaa  and  put  him  in  a 
bowl  o'  wather,  and  if  he  can  shwim  out  av  it  I'll 
belave  in  the  Fanian  cause  till  I  doi.'' 

Accordingly,  at  daybreak  he  awoke  Bridget  and 
requested  her  to  hunt  for  the  flea.  The  flea  was  a 
young,  sprightly  and  generally  active  bird,  but  he 
had  so  gorged  himself  on  Emmet's  back  during  the 
night — having  made  a  very  good  map  of  the  Grecian 
archipelago  on  that  portion  of  his  anatomy,  the 
many  and  variously  shaped  islands  thereof  standing 
out  in  red  relief — that  he  could  not  move  with  his 
accustomed  alacrity.  So  Bridget  had  an  easy  task 
in  catching  him  just  as  he  was  walking  around  the 
mole  on  the  back  of  Emmet's  neck  with  a  view  to 
disappearing  in  the  hair  of  his  beard. 

"  Howld  on  to  'um,  Biddy,  but  don't  yez  hur-rt 
him,"  said  Emmet  when  she  had  secured  the  prize. 

"  Fwhat  does  yez  want  wid'im,  Emmet?"  asked 
Bridget  as  she  held  the  flea  tightly  between  her 
right  forefinger  and  thumb. 

"  Don't  yez  be  askin'  foolish  questions,  but 
moind  fwat  I  tell  yez,"  replied  Emmet. 

Going  to  the  washstand  which  stood  against  the 
wall  opposite  the  bed,  and  over  which  hung  a 
picture  of  himself,  taken  on  St.  Patrick's  Day," 
when  he  was  clothed  in  full  Ancient  Order  of 
Hibernians  regalia,  he  filled  the  washbowl  thereon 
half  full  of  water  from  the  pitcher  that  was  stand- 
ing in  it  and  requested  Bridget  to  place  the  flea  in 
the  middle  of  the  bowl  on  the  surface  of  the  clear, 
limpid  water.  When  she  had  complied  with  his 
request  he  said  : 

"  Now,  me  foine  bur-red,  if  yez  can  shwim  ashore 
and  crawl  out  o'  that  I'll  niver  say  doi  to  the 
Fanian  cause." 

Casting  his  eyes  about  him  on  every  side  the  flea 


saw  nothing  but  precipitous  and  rocky  shores  sur- 
rounding the  motionless  and  glassy  body  of  water. 
Deliberating  for  a  moment  only,  he  boldly  struck 
out  for  the  northeast  shore,  where  he  saw  a  hair 
clinging  to  the  slippery  rock  which  he  thought 
might  aid  him  in  getting  a  foothold.  A  short  swim 
brought  him  to  the  shore.  His  stroke  was  so 
vigorous  that  he  reached  his  destination  somewhat 
sooner  than  he  expected  and  struck  against  the  rock 
with  such  velocity  that  he  bounded  back  quite  a 
distance,  turning  two  and  a  half  somersaults  as  he 
did  so,  and  returning,  landed  on  his  tail  with  force 
enough  to  make  him  do  another  evolution.  This 
seemed  to  have  stunned  him  for  the  moment  and 
the  waves  which  he  had  created  bumped  him  gently 
on  the  slippery  shore  several  times  before  he  real- 
ized his  position.  But  he  soon  regained  his  senses 
and  righted  himself,  and,  planting  his  feet  firmly 
on  the  hair  he  had  espied  from  afar,  undertook  to 
drag  himself  out  of  the  water.  But  the  hair 
proved  a  delusion  and  a  snare,  for  the  moment 
the  flea  caught  hold  of  it  he  slid  off  into  the  water 
and  sank  to  the  bottom.  The  flea  then  commenced 
to  claw  the  slippery  stone,  his  feet  moving  with 
lightning  rapidity. 

Emmet  stood  watching  the  little  creature  in  his 
vain  efforts  to  gain  a  foothold  for  some  fiffteen 
minutes  and  then  turned  to  Bridget,  who  thought 
Emmet  must  have  gone  mad,  and  said  : 

"'  Well,  its  toime  for  me  to  go  out  wid  the  cyart. 
Now,  Biddy,  don't  yez  pour  the  wather  out  o'  that 
bowl.  I  want  to  foind  that  flea  either  dead  or  out 
o'  the  wather  when  I  come  back. 

"  How'll  I  wash  me  face  at  all,  at  all,  fwen 
that's  the  only  bowl  we  have  in  the  house  ?  "  asked 
Bridget. 

"  Go  down  stairs  in  the  kitchen  and  put  your 
pewrty  mug  under  the  shpout  if  yez  must  wash  that 
delikit  face  o'  yourn,"  returned  Emmet  ;  and  hav- 
ing now  donned  his  raiment  he  left  the  house. 

Emmet  came  back  at  noon  and  going  to  the  bowl 
found  the  flea  still  struggling  for  a  foothold,  but  his 
exertion  seemed  less  energetic  than  when  he  went" 
away  in  the  morning  and  he  thought  there  was  a 
weary  look  about  his  eyes.  After  eating  his  dinner 
Emmet  again  returned  to  his  cart  with  grave  doubts 
for  the  life  of  the  flea  and  the  success  of  the 
"cause." 

When  night  came  and  his  labors  were  over  for 
the  day,  he  again  sought  the  bowl  and  was  sur- 
prised to  find  the  flea  using  more  violent  exertions 
if  possible  than  when  first  put  in  the  water.  Here- 
in was  a  resemblance  to  a  six-days  go-as-you-please 
pedestrian  who,  as  all  cultivated  people  know, 
makes  astonishing  spurts  around  the  track  after 
having  been  seemingly  '•  all  broke  up."  At  ten 
o'clock  when  Emmet  and  Bridget  retired,  the  flea 
was  again  weary  and  slow  in  his  movement  and  was 
plainly  very  footsore.  In  the  morning  when  Em- 
met arose  in  the  cold,  gray  dawn  and  went  to  the 
bowl,  although  he  did  not  find  the  flea  floating  life- 
less on  the  surface  of  the  treacherous  pool,  he  did 
see  the  lifeless  body  of  the  little  creature  lying 
quietly  on  its  white  and  clearly  visible  bottom,  his 
features  distorted  and  swollen  beyond  recognition. 
The  unhappy  flea's  patience  and  perseverance  had 
been  unvailing. 

"  That  settles  it,"  exclaimed  Emmet  ;  "  I'll 
niver  give  another  cint  to  the  Fanians;"  and  up  to 
this  time  he  has  kept  his  word.  The  Deac. 


1  A     DEAD    GIVE-AWAY. " 


A     WOMAN'S     SMILE. 


Crouched  at  the  foot  of  the  old  board  fence  that 
hid  her  humble  dwelling  from  the  sharp  scrutiny  of 
passers  by,  she  Bat  and  idly  gazed  upon  the  passing 
vehicles  and  men.  She  was  fat  an  1  large  of  limb, 
and  her  round  brown  cheeks  glowed  with  the  rich 
warmth  of  the  chestnut.  Her  long-lashed  eyelids 
drooped  over  her  lustrous  eyes,  and  the  thick 
tresses  of  her  blue-black  hair  shaded  her  neck  and 
bosom.  Suddenly  some  passing  object  attracted 
her  attention,  and  the  dark  pupils  of  her  eyes  ex- 
panded in  amused  surprise.  Her  rich  red  lips 
parted  and  there  flashed  upon  the  landscape  two 
rows  of  beautiful  white  teeth.  Slowly  her  mouth 
opened  wider  and  wider.  Deeper  grew  the  dimples 
in  her  bronze  cheeks.  Brighter  danced  the  sun- 
beams in  her  eyes,  until  a  stray  ray,  darting 
through  the  foliage  of  an  overhanging  bough  illumin- 
ated the  deep  cavern  of  her  mouth,  bringing  into 
view  the  back  of  her  head.  Then,  seeing  us  gazing 
intently  upon  her,  she  shut  her  jaws,  and  darkness 
fell  upon  the  scene." — Extract  from  a  Hawaiian 
Romance. 


There  is  no  arguing  with  a  sentimentalist  in 
error.  Fortified  in  the  consciousness  of  meaning 
well,  he  is  impregnable  to  reason  and  proof  against 
conviction.  It  is  not,  therefore,  in  the  hope  of 
bettering  the  life  or  manners  of  tl. 
"  editorial  correspondent  "  that  we  write.  (  By 
the  way,  what  it  "  editorial  correspondence 
writer  may  be  either  an  editor  or  a  correspondent  ; 
he  cannot  be  both  at  once.)  It  is  with  a  view  to 
his  usefulness  as  an  awful  example  that  we  quote 
from  his  Guaymas  letter  in  our  esteemed  con- 
temporary of  the  21st  inst. 

It  is  not  the  law  which  takes  John  S.  '  rray  from  Guay- 
mas to  San  Francisco  but  the  photograph  of  his  v 
babies.  He  might  have  left  Guaymas,  had  lie  desired  t" 
do  so,  at  any  time.  He  has  chosen  to  return.  Ant  1  am 
soft  enough  to  think  a  man  not  altogether  had  who  can 
read  his  wife's  letter  in  a  foreign  prison,  and  cry  over  a 
picture  of  bis  babies,  and,  for  the  love  of  them,  go  back  to 
confront  the  consequences  of  a  mistake. 

It  has  been  generally  believed  that  John  Gray 
was  brought  back  from  Guaymas  between  a  brace 
of  police  officers  armed  with  revolvers  and  extradi- 
tion papers,  and  that  they  did  not  take  down  any 
photographs,  but  relied  on  the  trustier  suasion  of 
handcuffs.  From  the  circumstance  that  he  was 
already  in  prison  when  he  read  the  letter  men- 
tioned, a  less  muddled  intelligence  than  that  of  the 
"  editorial  correspondent  "  would  have  inferred — 
or  provided  againBt  such  an  inference  on  the  part 
of  the  reader — that  some  kind  of  stress  had  already 
been  applied  to  Mr.  Gray  when  he  made  his  heroic 
resolution  to  return.  It  may  be  further  urged 
against  the  "editorial  correspondent's  "  sentimental 
hypothesis  of  the  prodigal's  return  that  that  gentle- 
man could  readily  have  obtained  pictures  of  his 
wife  and  children,  and  letters  from  them,  right 
here  in  San  Francisco,  and  so  spared  himself  the 
expense  of  going  to  Guaymas  at  all.  The  sympa- 
thetic way  in  which  this  consummate  scoundrel's 
literary  apologist  describes  a  two  years'  course  of 
elaborate  and  ingenious  theft,  forgery  and  falsifica- 
tion of  accounts  as  a  "  mistake  "  is  characteristic 
of  the  essential  rascality  that  is  always  the  animat- 
ing energy  of  slavering  sentimentality.  Scratch  a 
sentimentalist  and  you  will  find  a  rogue  ever)' 
time. 

The  matter  has  this  importance  ;  it  throws  a 
significant  side-light  upon  the  question  of  the 
''  editorial  correspondent's  "  purpose  in  Guaymas. 
It  is  known  that  the  Secretaryship  of  the  Harbor 
Commission  is  a  position  in  which  the  incumbent 
can  be  of  great  service  to  the  Railroad.  It  is 
known  that  Gray  was  appointed  to  that  position  on 
the  recommendation  of  Mr.  Standford,  who,  we 
believe,  is  also  one  of  hie  bondsmen.  It  is  known 
that  his  brother  is  a  high  officer  of  the  railroad,  and 
believed  that  he  shipped  him  out  of  the  country  in 
a  sealed  freight-car.  It  is  known  that  the  whole 
Railroad  influence  is  being  exerted  to  keep  the 
thief  out  of  the  penitentiary.  It  is  known  that 
the  "  editorial  correspondent's  ''  newspaper  is  in 
the  pay  of  the  Railroad,  and  that  the  "  editorial 
correspondent  "  himself  is  in  the  habit  of  rendering 
the  meanest  kind  of  personal  service  to  that  cor- 
poration. In  view  of  these  obvious  and  indisputable 
facts,  what  is  the  plain  inference  to  be  drawn  from 
that  gentleman's  sudden  apparition  at  Guaymas  in 
attendance  on  the  caged  absconder  ?  What  is  the 
meaning  of  this  discreditable  and  ludicrous  attempt 
to  create  public  sympathy  for  him  ? 

We  are  not  the  first  to  discern  a  visible  connec- 
nection  and  relation  among  these  various  circum- 
stances ;  it  is  the  talk  of  the  streets.  If  such  talk 
does  Mr.  Pixley  injustice  let  him  blame,  first,  the 
particular  facts  upon  which  it  is  based,  and,  second, 
the  disagreeable  sagacity  of  the  human  under- 
standing, which  perceives  how  exceedingly  narrow 
and  dim  is  the  distinction  between  a  fool  and  a 
knave. 


The  man  who  has  written  anything  for  the  editor 
and  didn't  "  scratch  it  off  in  a  hurry,"  will  please 
call  at  this  office  and  hear  something  to  his  advant- 
age.— Oil  City  Derrick. 

He  is  busy  looking  after  the  man  who  read  a  per- 
sonal paragraph  and  did  not  have  his  "  attention 
called"  to  it. — New  York  Mail. 

Having  found  him  the  two  will  look  up  the  man 
who  "  don't  care  much  for  the  paper  but  his  wife 
likes  to  read  it." — Camden  Post. 

They  will  then  search  vainly  for  the  man  who  U 
said  to  have  remarked  :  "  It's  a  pretty  good  paper, 
if  it  docs  give  me  an  occasional  dressing  down." 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


APRIL    28      1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  &40  AND  M2  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


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Xio  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 

Among  the  arguments  pro  in  the  dispute  as  to 
the  necessity  of  a  Navy  that  will  float,  one  of  con- 
siderable force  appears  to  have  been  almost  wholly 
neglected.  If  the  Government  would  enter  actively 
on  the  construction  of  modern  iron  war-vessels  it 
would  create  conditions  in  the  lack  of  which  lies  a 
prime  difficulty  in  the  restoration  of  our  merchant 
marine.  The  day  of  wind  and  wood  is  gone  for- 
ever ;  steam  and  iron  now  do  the  carrying  trade  of 
the  world.  (Later  it  may  be  electricity  and  steel. ) 
But  the  building  of  iron  steamers  is  almost  a  lost 
art  in  this  country.  It  would  perhaps  be  more  ac- 
curate to  say  it  is  an  art  that  we  never  have 
acquired.  By  the  buildiner  of  war-vessels  we 
should  acquire  it.  The  knowledge  and  skill  gained 
in  the  Navy  yards  would  overflow  into  private 
shipyards.  Great  numbers  of  trained  workmen 
would  from  time  to  time  be  turned  loose  from  the 
Government  establishments  and  become  available 
for  work  on  commercial  orders.  Tool-shops, 
machine-shops,  rolling  mills,  the  manufacture  of 
all  needed  enginery  and  equipments,  would  spring 
up  in  our  seaboard  cities,  called  into  existence  by 
the  Government  demand.  A  thousand  energies 
and  activities  now  dormant  would  be  stimulated 
and  strengthened,  making  it  possible  for  private 
capital  to  invest  in  ship-building  and  compete  with 
that  great  industry  in  England.  After  the  Govern- 
ment had  set  afloat  a  dozen  or  two  great  war-ships 
an  estimate  for  an  iron  merchantman  would  be  a 
very  different  thing  from  what  it  is  now.  Our 
people  could  afford  to  own  and  sail  the  kind  of  ves- 
sels that  commerce  now  demands,  because  they 
could  afford  to  build  them.  The  bread  of  a  naval 
appropriation  cast  upon  the  waters  would  return  to 
us  in  American  bottoms  an  hundred  fold.  In  this 
indirect  way  our  war-vessels  would  pay  for  them- 
selves ;  we  should  have  a  navy  that  cost  us  noth- 
ing. It  is  not  held  that  this  is  all  that  ia  required 
to  <(  revive  American  shipping,"  but  this  would 
greatly  assist.  Of  course  a  formidable  Navy  would 
have  the  additional  and  better  understood  advan- 
tage of  enabling  us  to  quarrel  with  the  nations  that 
now  find  a  pleasure  in  insulting  us. 


The  edty  and  county's  suit  against  the  water 
company  and  the  gas  company,  for  $139,659  and 
and  $99,750,  respectively,  have  naturally  been  de- 
cided against  the  plaintiff.  The  amounts  mentioned 
had  been  assessed  against  these  corporations  on 
their  capital,  rights,  privileges  and  franchises.  Tho 
grounds  of  the  decision  are,  first,  that  the  plaintiff 


is  the  people,  and,  second,  that  the  defendants  are 
corporations.  Such  being  the  essential  conditions 
of  the  contest,  the  decision  was  a  foregone  conclu- 
sion, and  in  making  it  Judge  Wilson  has  been 
strictly  loyal  to  precedent,  there  being,  we  believe, 
no  recorded  instance  of  a  judgment  in  favor  of  the 
plaintiff  in  any  similar  action.  It  is  only  fair  to 
His  Honor  to  explain  that  in  deference  to  the  cus- 
toms of  the  Bench,  and  as  a  thoughtful  concession 
to  public  opinion,  he  assigned  other  reasons  than 
those  we  have  given — other  conditions  than  those 
we  have  named  having  existed  for  the  purpose  of 
enabling  him  to  do  so.  We  look  upon  everything 
of  that  nature  as  an  unnecessary  complication.  The 
public  is  by  this  time  educated  up  to  the  point  of 
accepting  defeat  upon  the  naked  title  of  the  cause 
in  all  such  actions  ;  and  seeing  that  the  result  is 
predetermined,  the  courts  might  venture  now  to 
give  judgment  without  argument  and  save  us  the 
expense  of  a  contest  that  we  are  bound  to  lose.  In- 
deed, we  are  not  sure  but  there  ought  to  be  a  con- 
stitutional amendment  forbidding  any  city,  or  city 
and  county,  of  more  than  one  hundred  thousand 
inhabitants  from  either  bringing  or  defending  an 
action  against  a  corporation. 


The  meanest  little  monopolies  are  the  street-car 
companies,  and  we  are  glad  to  observe  a  gentle  dis- 
position in  the  present  Board  of  Supervisors  to 
"  cinch  "  them.  They  have  recently  been  trying 
to  obtain  new  privileges,  but  it  was  pointed  out  by 
several  Supervisors  that  they  abuse  all  the  privileges 
they  now  have,  and  they  do.  There  is  one  abuse 
that  they  should  not  practice  if  there  were  a  God 
in  this  municipal  Israel — that  of  overcrowding.  At 
certain  hours  of  the  day  every  car  going  westward 
is  packed  to  the  top  of  its  capacity,  inside  and  out- 
side. Its  bowels  are  distended  with  undigested 
humanity  and  its  skin  infested  with  layers  of 
human  parasites.  And  it  moves  between  measure- 
less banks  of  men  and  women  vainly  waiting  to 
catcli  on.  This  discreditable  condition  of  tilings  is 
due  to  the  greed  of  the  companies,  which  tind  it 
cheaper  to  wear  out  their  horses  with  overwork 
than  to  run  more  cars  with  nags  of  longer  life.  It 
could  all  be  stopped  by  a  simple  ordinance  fixing 
the  number  of  passengers  that  each  car  may  legally 
carry  and  compelling  the  conductors  to  display  a 
conspicuous  signal  when  that  number  is  aboard. 
To  board  a  car  displaying  the  signal  should  be  a 
misdemeanor  subjecting  the  offender  to  a  fine,  a 
similiar  one  being  imposed  on  the  conductor  per- 
mitting it.  The  justice  and  expediency  of  such  an 
ordinance  are  obvious— obvious  enough  to  forbid 
all  hope  of  its  passage. 

The  Examiner  does  not  pay,  but  it  does  manage 
somehow  to  keep  abreast  of  public  sentiment  on  all 
the  important  topics  of  the  day.  On  the  question 
of  wife-killing  we  understand  it  as  strongly  dis- 
senting from  the  view  that  a  man  may  rightly  take 
the  life  of  his  spouse,  even  when  he  is  the  only  man 
to  whom  the  poor  woman  can  look  for  her  killing. 
In  expressing  this  conviction  of  the  inexpediency 
of  murdering  wives,  our  contemporary  has,  we 
think,  formulated  the  unspoken  sentiment  of  many 
an  estimable  woman  in  this  community,  where  the 
practice  has  perhaps  received  its  highest,  ripest 
and  freest  development  ;  indeed,  we  are  ourselves 
of  the . Examiner'1  s  way  of  thinking,  and  are  glad 
that  it  has  given  us  this  opportunity  to  nay  so  with- 
out seeming  to  go  out  of  our  way.  It  would  per- 
haps be  too  much  to  deny  that  circumstances  may 
arise  under  which  the  braining  of  a  wife  would  be 
a  substantial  domestic  improvement  ;  but  as  the 
tendency  in  such  matters  is  toward  a  too  liberal 
interpretation  of  one's  undoubted  right  to  do  what 
one  will  to  one's  own,  it  is  better  that  the  line 
of  limitation  be  drawn  on  the  hither  side  of  actual 


assassination.  The  remorse  of  a  man  who  has1 
killed  his  wife  and  then  reflects  that  the  customary 
thrashing  would  probably  have  been  better  suited 
to  the  character  of  her  offense  must  be  even  more 
painful  than  the  regret  that  he  would  have  felt  if 
he  had  let  her  go  scot-free. 


If  Mr.  John  S.  Gray's  head  is  not  turned  by  the 
dizzy  social  eminence  to  which  his  merit  has  lifted 
him  ;  if  the  attentions  of  the  press,  the  agressive 
fidelity  of  his  friends,  the  sympathetic  admiration 
of  women,  the  marked  civility  of  his  former  patrons 
and  the  serviceable  deference  of  the  police  author- 
ities have  not  made  him  too  proud  to  accept  good 
advice  from  so  humble  a  quarter  as  an  honest  news- 
paper, we  shall  venture  to  warn  him  that  an  attempt 
is  apparently  being  made  to  cheat  him.  The  din- 
ners, the  wines,  the  cigars,  the  books,  music,  flowers 
and  good  company  with  which  his  prison  life  is 
glorified  are  a  snare  for  his  feet — which,  vide  the 
published  descriptions  of  him,  are  somewhat  large, 
and  turn  in  at  the  toes.  The  wealthy  and  promi- 
nent gentlemen  who  deem  it  inexpedient  that  he 
should  make  disclosures  are  endeavoring  to  pur- 
chase his  silence  with  good  cheer.  He  ought  to 
demand  better  terms.  He  holds  the  whip-hand  of 
the  situation  and  can  sell  his  silence  at  a  high  figure 
in  coin,  as  a  comfortable  provision  for  his  old  age. 
We  believe  that  he  might  even  exact  a  full  half  of 
the  money  which  he  will  pardon  us  for  saying  that 
he  is  suspected  of  having  "  diverted  "  from  the 
State  Treasury.  It  is  to  be  hoped  he  will  discern 
the  advantage  of  demanding  a  substantial  recogni- 
tion of  the  service  that  is  now  expected  of  him, 
and  not  be  content  with  the  comparatively  inex- 
pensive comestible  and  the  tipple  which  is  pur- 
chased by  his  entertainers  at  a  discount. 

The  national  Civil  Service  Commission  is  engaged 
in  preparing  rules  and  regulations  to  govern  its 
proceedings  and  in  deciding  questions  relating  to 
the  standards  of  intelligence  that  it  will  set  up  to 
test  the  qualifications  of  applicants.  From  certain 
intimations  that  have  been  dropped  there  is  reason 
to  fear  that  the  Commission  will  set  its  standards 
so  high  and  make  its  tests  so  difficult  as  to  exclude 
all  men  of  education.  This  we  should  deem  not 
only  unwise  but  impolitic.  While  it  is  conceded 
that  education  in  the  civil  service  of  the  United 
States  is  mostly  superfluous  and  altogether  unusual, 
it  should  be  remembered  that  the  educated  men  of 
this  country  are  yearly  increasing  in  numbers — 
owing  probably  to  the  high  rates  of  steamer  pas- 
sage to  Europe — and  that  they  are  as  yet  in  the 
enjoyment  of  the  right  to  vote.  Until  they  shall 
have  been  disfranchised  by  constitutional  amend- 
ment it  would  be  better  to  make  some  small  con- 
cessions to  them  in  the  distribution  of  the  minor 
offices.  The  adoption  of  any  tests  that  would 
altogether  exclude  them  from  the  benefits  of  popu- 
lar government  might  provoke  them  to  form  a 
coalition  with  the  other  dangerous  classes  in  an 
insurrection  against  property. 

Mr.  Charles  A.  Dana,  of  the  New  York  Sun, 
now  visiting  California,  is  reported  to  have  said  that 
the  leading  issue  of  the  next  Presidential  campaign 
would  be  "  the  turning  out  of  the  Republicans." 
If  any  other  "  issue  "  has  been  involved  in  a  Presi- 
dential election  in  the  last  twelve  years  we  have 
not  had  the  penetration  to  discern  it.  Perhaps  what 
Mr.  Dana  intended  to  affirm  was  that  such  would 
be,  not  the  issue,  but  the  result.  If  so,  his  incur- 
sion into  the  field  of  prophecy  cannot  be  called  a 
very  daring  one.  Even  a  duller  prophetic  ear  than 
that  of  Mr.  Dana  can  catch  the  far,  faint  tumult  of 
the  Republican  stampede  of  1884.  The  future  is 
vibrant  with  the  low,  melodious  thunder  of  the 
beating  of  their  hoofs  as  they  are  footing  it  featly 
down  a  steep  place  into  the  sea. 


THE     WASP. 


THE     LEVEL-HEADED     KING. 

r.i-U'h  to  an  an  di  at  fable 

'  if  an  Easfc  rn  Land,  afar, 
Where  they  ne'e    .  -■:■ 

i  far. 

Ere  the  but  ning  sun  of  Egypt 

Shone  "ii  i  Heopatra's  Bin, 
Pharoab  reigned  and  « Iheope  he  chipped 

In. 

Li  ■■  ■■■■■  I  ,i  maiden  thei   in  '  Miizeh, 

Far  tun  fair  for  words  t"  paint, 
And  demure  enough  t"  please  a 
Saint. 

With  her  father,  blind  Abdallah, 

To  the  temple  would 
In  a  oOBtume,  plain,  of  cali- 

Go. 

I  -.  <1  Bhe  neither  rouge  nor  powder, 
Wiir--  oor  banga  nor  Muntagues  ; 
Hi^'h  heels  never  were*allowed  her 
Shoes. 

Scorned  Bhe  not  the  meanest  vassal ; 

Quaker  bonnet  had  she  none, 
In  the  fashion  set  by  <  'astle- 
Ton. 

Slang  her  lips  had  never  uttered  ; 

AU  the  dudes  she  did  despise. 
When  tliev  spoke  of  love  and  muttered 
Sighs. 

Never  was  she  noticed  at  a 

Masquerade  in  -rnnt  array, 

And  she  cared  naught  for  the  mafri- 
Nee. 

All  unconscious  of  her  beauty, 
Went  she  on  her  daily  round 
With  Abdallah,  as  in  duty 
Bound. 

His  ambition  was  to  win  a 

Name  the  nations  would  adore, 
When  forgot  by  all  was  Pina- 
Fore. 

But  he  died  and  left  his  daughter 

All  alone  within  the  land, 
Though  a  score  of  suitors  sought  her 
Hand. 

Till  the  King,  who  couquered  ever, 

Said,  "  This  maid  shall  be  my  Queen, 
For  her  like  the  world  has  never 
Seen 

"  She  is  not  a  brazen  masher  : 

Common  sense  her  bosom  fills  ; 
She'll  not  break  me  if  I  cash  her 

Bills." 

Then  the  giddy  girls  who  madly 

Wooed  the  King,  of  hope  bereft, 
Saw,  too  late,  they  had  got  badly 
Left. 

Long  the  Queen,  with  gems' bespangled, 

Reigned  o'er  all  such  shallow  sells 
As  these  out  of  tune  and  jangled 
Belles. 

If  you  fail  to  read  my  fable, 

Have  some  damsel,  sweet  on  you, 
Point  the  moral,  if  she's  able 
To. 

—Justin  Aubrey. 
San  Fi'ancisco,  April  &8,  1883. 


STILL-LIFE      STORIES. 


An  improvident  mucilage  brush  married  to  an 
ink  bottle,  produced  a  large  family  of  half-breed 
blots  which  ultimately  became  a  burden  on  the 
community.  An  adjoining  scissors  remarked  : 
"  Such  are  the  evils  of  miscegenation.  If  I  were 
boss  of  tiiis  outfit  I  would  take  a  very  short  way 
with  Mr.  Brush." 

A  splotch  of  mud  was  once  closely  attached  to  a 
mirror,  and  the  mirror  reciprocated  the  feeling  and 


carried  the  image  of  the  splotch  in  her  heart,  but 

inafteryears  the  mud  grew  old  and  bald-head'-d 

and  he  said  to  the  mirror,  just  like 

"    \'U  have  a  black  and  ugly  heart.      You 

1.      Let  us  get  a  divorce  n 

city." 


A  bump  «>n  a  log  in  his  inaugural  message  to  the 
aded  cutting  offuseli 
way  ot  ■■  reform  in  the  party,"  and  was  answered 
1-y  hia  moss  backed  constituents  :  "  We'd  like  to 
know  who  i*  running  this  tiling,  anyhow  \  If  wo 
are  to  have  harmony  in  the  party  you'd  best  keep 
still,  or  maybe  your  own  head  will  roll  in  the  saw- 
dust." 


A  dish-cloth  pinned,  to  a  coat-tail  exulted  in 
having  effected  his  vile  purpose  of  making  the  tail 
an  April  fool  ;  but  the  tail  with  a  knowing  whisk 
remarked  :  "  You  can't  sometimes  almost  always 
tell  where  the  fool  comes  in." 


A  stove  lid  buttered  with  coal  oil  reproached  a 
high-toned  kettle  for  her  sooty  bottom  and  refused 
to  allow  her  to  sit  in  his  lap.  With  a  contemptuous 
sniil  .^he  retorted  :  tl  Oh  you'd  better  go  off  and 
chew  a  clove." 


A  barrel  organ  who  discovered  a  pound  of  dried 
apples  in  his  midst  wept  bitter  tears  at  being  mis- 
taken for  a  musical  sausage  machine,  but  the 
heartless  apples  merely  absorbed  the  tearB  and  grew 
fat  on  the  misery  of  another  until  the  organ  burst 
his  crust  with  an  ironclad  groan.  The  proud  and 
happy  apples  were  heard  to  remark  :  "  He  bit  off 
more'n  he  could  chew.  It  is  better  to  be  born 
again  of  water  than  to  play  on  a  harp  of  a  thousand 
strings    l  Spirits  of  Just  Men  Made  Perfect.'  " 

A  wheelbarrow  with  some  pretensions  to  musical 
skill  objected  to  have  his  axle  greased  because  it 
produced  a  temporary  hoarseness.  The  clothes- 
line of  his  heart  agreed  with  him  saying  with  a 
windy  sigh  :  "Alas,  I  know  how  it  is  myself. 
These  low-necked  dresses  are  very  trying  to  the 
constitution,  but  one  must  suffer  if  one  would  be 
beautiful."  E.  F.  Cahill. 

San  Francisco,  April  23,  1883. 


In  deciding  that  a  gilded  nickel  is  counterfeit 
money,  Judge  Hoffman  is  reported  to  have  said  that 
"  quidnuncs  "  have  succeeded  in  raising  treasury 
notes  and  altering  their  denominations,  and  that 
that  has  been  held  to  be  counterfeiting.  This  is  a 
rather  new  business  for  the  harmless,  necessary 
quidnuncs,  is  it  not,  Judge  ?  Didn't  you  mean 
dudes. 


Our  esteemed  contemporary,  the  Bulletin,  having 
tackled  the  subject  of  pulmonary  consumption,  ex- 
plains that  it  looks  at  the  dreadful  disease  "  in  a 
lay  capacity,  noting  the  facts  which  lie  nearest  the 
surface."  Isn't  that  pretty  much  the  same  super- 
ficial view  that  a  hen  takes  of  a  blanket-lode  of 
grubs  1 


There  is  a  law  against  having  counterfeit  money 
in  possession,  but  no  intelligent  jury  would  ever 
convict  Nick  Liming  under  it.  They  would  know 
that  even  if  he  were  found  with  a  bogus  coin  in  his 
pocket  he  would  never  have  the  heart  to  part 
with  it. 

It  is  meanly  said  of  the  Chronicle  that  the  great- 
est grief  of  its  editor's  life  is  that  he  cannot  habit- 
ually make  contradictory  statements  without  occa- 
sionally telling  the  truth. 


It  is  now  believed  in  Nevada  City  that  Jo.  Law- 
rence, the  outlaw,  is  "  hiding  within  a  stone's 
throw  of  the  town."  He  need  not  hide  ;  there  is 
not  a  man  in  Nevada  City  that  would  dare  to  throw 
the  stone. 


We  hve  two  professedly  literary  journals,  but  between 
Mr.  Pixtey's  bad  Latin  in  the  Argonaut,  and  the  slip-shod 
writing  in  the  News  Letter,  the  literary  public  have  to 
patronize  the  Wasp  and  the  San,  Francisco  Merchant  if 
they  desire  good  writing  and  correct  quotations.— San. 
Francisco  Merchant. 

"  Have  to  "  ?  Snakes  alive,  brother,  you  speak 
as  if  it  were  a  hardship  !  Why,  the  rush  to  patron- 
ize the  Wasp  is  almost  as  spontaneous  and  tierce  as 
the  struggle  to  look  at  a  street-car  that  has  jumped 
the  track  ! 


THE    DEVIL'S    DICTIONARY. 


E.Vli:'  \,   i  k,     |i  \n  ..lining 

which  he  ralks  rationally  with  his  k.  ipei  bar- 
keeper. 

Envy,  n.     Tin  A  provokes  a  preacher  to 

denounce  the  Adversary. 

1  i  hoof, 

For  you're  n  corapetimj 

And  the  aoula 

That  your  pull-pit  : 

Eooene,  adj.     First  in  ordi  .eat  pe- 

riodsiuto  whichgeologia 
of  the  world.     It  was  during  rie   Pe- 

riod that  most  of  the  current  newspaper  jokes 
were  deposited,  as  is  abundantly  attested  by 
the  affection  that  Mr.  Pickering  has  for  them, 
They  were  the  companions  of  his  child h 

Epaulet,  n.     An   ornamented    badge,   Berving  to 

distinguish  a  military  ol  I  be  enemy— 

that  is  to  say,  from  the  officer  of  next  higher 
or  lower  rank. 

Epicure,  h.  A  disciple  of  the  philosopher  Epicu- 
rus, who,  holding  that  pleasun  should  be  rhe 
chief  aim  of  man,  wasted  Little  time  in 

the  gratification  of  the  senses. 

Epidemic,  n.  A  disease  having  a  sociable  turn  and 
few  prejudices. 

Epidermis,  n.  The  thin  integument  which  lies 
immediately  outside  the  skin  and  immediately 
inside  the  dirt. 

Epigram,  n.  A  short,  sharp  and  ingenious  thought 
commonly  expressed  in  verse.  The  following 
noble  example  of  the  epigram  is  from  the  in- 
spired pen  of  the  great  Californian  poet,  Hector 
A.  Stuart  : 

When  God  had  fashioned  this  terrestrial  frame 
And  given  to  each  created  thing  a  name, 
He  saw  His  hands  both  empty,  and  explained  : 
"  I've  nothing  left."    The  nothing  that  remained 
Said  :     "  Make  me  into  something  light  and  froe," 
God  heard,  and  made  it  into  brains  for  rm    ' 

Epitaph,  n.  An  inscription  on  a  tomb,  showing 
that  virtues  acquired  by  death  have  a  retro- 
active effect.  The  following  touching  example 
is  selected  at  random  from  a  number  that  have 
been  thoughtfully  prepared  in  anticipation  of 
a  fatal  epidemic  among  the  prominent  men  of 
San  Francisco  : 

Here  lie  the  bones  of  Parson  Piatt, 
Wise,  pious,  humble  and  all  that, 
Who  showed  us  life  as  at  I  should  live  it ; 
Let  that  be  said — and  God  forgive  it  ' 

Ermine,  u.  The  state,  dignity  or  condition  of  a 
judge.  The  word  is  formed  of  the  two  words, 
err  and  mine — the  one  suggesting  the  tendency 
of  the  judicial  mind,  the  ot  h  ig,  in  a 

general  way,  the  judicial  notion  of  the  right- 
ful ownership  to  property  in  dispute. 

Esoteric,  adj.  Very  particularly  abstruse  and 
consummately  occult.  The  ancient  philoso- 
phies were  of  two  kinds— exoteric,  those  that 
the  philosophers  themselves  could  partially 
understand,  and  esoteric,  those  that  nobody 
could  understand.  It  is  the  latter  that  have 
most  profoundly  affected  modern  thought  and 
found  greatest  acceptance  in  our  time. 

Esquire,  n.  Formerly  a  diguity  immediately 
below  that  of  a  knight ;  uow  a  dignity 
immediately  above  that  of  a  felon.  In 
this  country  the  only  allowable  use  of  the 
word  is,  in  its  abbreviated  form,  in  the  su- 
perscriptions of  letters  ;  but  ignorant  and  vul- 
gar writers  attach  it  to  the  names  of  promi- 
nent men  as  a  title  of  respect.  Mr.  Frank 
Pixley,  of  the  Argonaut,  uses  it  thus,  but  with 
commendable  discrimination — he  appends  it 
only  to  the  names  of  the  rich. 

Essential,  adj.  Pertaining  to  the  essence,  or  that' 
which  determines  the  distinctive  character  of 
a  thing.  People  who,  because  they  do  not 
know  the  English  language,  are  driven  to  the 
unprofitable  vocation  of  writing  for  American 
newspapers,  commonly  use  this  word  in  the 
sense  of  necessary,  as 
April  rains  are  essential  to  .Tune  harvests. 

-W.  0.  Barthtt. 

Esteem,  n.  The  degree  of  favorable  regard  that  is 
due  to  one  who  has  the  power  to  serve  us  and 
has  not  yet  refused.  * 


THE    WASP 


THE    WHISTLER, 


The    Music     nf     the     Lips— The     Philosophy     of    "  That 
Dreadful     Whistling." 


O  whistle  and  I'll  come  to  you,  my  lad  ; 
0  whistle  and  I'll  come  to  you,  my  lad, 
Tho'  father  and  mither  and  a'  should  gae  mad  ; 
0  whistle  and  I'll  come  to  you,  my  lad. 

Some  years  ago  at  a  theatre,  says  a  writer  in  the 
Detroit  Tribune,  during  one  of  the  tedious  waits 
when  the  orchestra  had  finished  its  selection  and 
everybody  had  expressed  a  criticism  on  the  play, 
there  came  one  of  those  dull  lulls  during  which  five 
minutes  seem  an  age,  and  just  at  that  moment 
some  one  in  the  second  gallery  began  to  whistle 
"Home,  Sweet  Home. "  The  low,  clear  notes  were 
as  musical  as  the  strains  of  a  flute,  and  they  pierced 
the  air  with  their  homesick  melody  and  touched 
every  heart.  All  heads  turned  to  look  up,  but  it 
was  impossible  to  distinguish  the  whistler  of  the 
sweet  strains  among  the  very  ordinary  looking 
people  there,  until  a  policeman  appeared  and 
churlishly  silenced  him,  and  then  it  was  seen  to  be 
a  sickly-looking,  poorly-dressed  man  who  had  en- 
tranced every  ear  with  his  plaintive,  tender  melody 
and  left  a  memory  in  every  heart.  Nowaday 's 
whistling  is  almost  one  of  the  lost  arts.  "  For 
goodness'  sake,  stop  that  dreadful  whistling,"  says 
some  distracted  mother  to  her  noisy  offspring.  She 
does  not  consider  that  whistling  is  a  safety-valve  to 
the  boy's  feelings,  a  relief  to  the  pent-up  TJtica  of 
his  powers,  and  one  of  the  few  accomplishments 
natural  to  the  genus  Boy. 

The  schoolboy  with  his  satchel  in  his  hand 
Whistling  aloud  to  bear  his  courage  up. 

It  is  a  fact  that  there  are  boys  who  cannot 
whistle.  They  will  go  through  the  motions  but 
only  succeed  in  making  a  frightful  face,  and  no 
noise,  while  otherscan  cut  the  air  witha  sharp,  shrill, 
lond-drawn  inspiration,  that  will  startle  a  sleepy 
dog  half-a-dozen  blocks  in  the  distance,  and  bring 
all  the  other  boys  out  like  rats  to  meet  at  one  given 
point.  Send  a  boy  on  an  errand  and  ten  to  one  he 
will  whistle  all  the  way  there  and  all  the  way  back, 
giving  every  conceivable  note  that  the  whistle  is 
capable  of.  Ordinarily,  people  do  not  notice  this 
infection  of  the  air  in  the  shape  of  free  concerts ; 
but  stop  a  few  moments  some  day  on  a  busy  corner 
and  listen  to  the  whistling  boy.  You  don't  hear 
any  whistling — you  are  disappointed  ;  but  wait 
when  it  comes. 

"  There  is  a  land  that  is  fairer  than  day." 

You  can't  describe  a  whistle  any  more  than  you 
can  a  kiss  ;  both  are  labial  performances,  that  lose 
much  in  description.  But  look  at  the  boy  that  is 
whistling  that  sweet  and  saintly  tune.  He  has  a 
bootblack's  kit,  has  a  face  as  shrewd  as  a  ferret's, 
and  is  tasting  a  lead  nickel  and  speculating  as  to 
the  best  way  he  can  run  it  out  again.  He  is  fol- 
lowed in  a  little  while  by  a  tired-looking  messenger, 
who  is  giving  "  Peek-a-boo  "  for  all  it  is  worth. 
And  then  you  are  almost  set  to  dancing  as  "  St. 
Patrick's  Day  in  the  Morning  "  comes  rollicking 
down  the  street,  with  snatches  of  opera,  "  Baby 
Mine,"  "  The  Wearing  of  the  Green  "  and  more 
fashionable  snatches  from  the  latest  operas.  The 
sweetest  whistler  in  Detroit  is  a  colored  boy,  who 
is  inseparable  from  a  wheelbarrow  of  clothes  which 
he  is  taking  home  to  his  mothor  to  wash.  There 
was  never  anything  set  to  music  that  he  cannot 
produce  in  perfect  time  and  with  every  note  clear 
and  distinct.  One  day  he  whistles  negro  melodies  ; 
another  it  is  all  music.  Then  he  gives  medleys  and 
there  is  a  singularly  plaintive,  almost  painful  sweet- 
ness in  his  tones.  It  is  said  that  bad  boys  do  not 
whistle  ;  they  are  secretive  and  quiet. 

There  is  a  story  told  of  a  woman  who  was  left 
alone  in  a  temporary  home  on  the  prairie  with  her 
little  family  while  her  husband  went  to  a  distant 
town  after  provisions.  She  describes  in  heroic 
verse  her  fear  of  of  the  red  man  and  how  she  sat 
late  at  night  by  her  windows  and  was  terrified  by 
the  approach  of  footsteps  : 

Then  I  knelt  until  late  in  the  evening, 

And  scarcely  an  inch  had  I  stirred, 
When  suddenly  far  in  the  distance 

A  sound  as  of  whistling  I  heard. 
I  started  up  dreadfully  frightened 

For  fear  'twas  an  Indian  call, 
And  then  very  soon  I  remembered 

The  red  man  ne'er  whistles  at  all. 

It  was  a  neighbor's  boy  coming  to  protect  her, 
who  had  whistled  to  let  her  know  of  his  approach, 
and  she  concludes  by  saying  : 


So  now,  my  dear  friend,  do  you  wonder, 

Since  such  a  good  reason  I've  given, 
Why  I  say  I  shan't  care  for  the  music 

Unless  there  is  whistling  in  heaven  ? 
Yes,  often  I've  said  so  in  earnest, 

And  now  what  I've  said  I  repeat, 
That  unless  there's  a  boy  there  a  whistling 

The  music  will  not  be  complete. 

Boys  sent  out  after  dark  are  said  to  whistle  to 
keep  their  courage  up.  They  also  whistle  as  a 
signal  to  other  boys,  and  now  a  popular  genius  has 
developed  the  use  of  it  as  a  profession. 

A  lady  who  suspected  her  servant  of  drinking  the 
cider  when  she  sent  him  into  the  cellar,  commanded 
him  to  whistle  all  the  time  he  was  absent. 

Sailors  whistle  for  a  fair  wind.  The  sportsman 
whistles  to  his  hounds. 

He  cast  off  his  friends  as  a  huntsman  his  pack, 

For  he  knew  when  he  pleased  he  could  whistle  them  hack. 

It  is  not  considered  in  good  taste  for  girls  to 
whistle,  and  there  are  very  few  who  can  do  it  tol- 
erably well,  perhaps  because  they  are  under  the 
spell  of  that  prediction  in  doggeral  which  some 
secular  St.  Paul  promulgated  for  the  sex. 

Whistling  girls  and  crowing  hens 
Always  come  to  some  bad  end. 

A  girl  is  usually  too  volatile  to  whistle  ;  she 
puckers  her  rosy  mouth,  shuts  both  eyes,  screws  up 
her  face,  and  just  as  she  gets  ready  to  whistle  goes 
off  in  a  fit  of  laughter,  and  spoils  it  all.  But  once 
in  a  while  some  demure  little  maiden  will  whistle, 
and  it  is  positively  a  much  more  frequent  phenom- 
ena in  nature  than  a  hen  that  crows. 

But,  oh,  the  whistling  girl  I've  met, 

As  blithe  is  she  as  any  bird  ; 
And  from  her  lips,  morn,  noon,  and  eve, 

The  merriest  of  thrills  are  heard. 

From  task  to  task  with  lightsome  step 
She  hastens,  whistling  as  she  goes  ; 

And  her  deft  hands  charm  what  they  touch 
And  order  from  disorder  grows. 

There  is  something  pathetic  in  a  whistled  tune  ; 
the  business  man  sitting  up  at  night  trying  to  make 
his  ledgers  balance,  hears  some  late  pedestrian,  boy 
or  man,  whistle  "  The  Last  Rose  of  Summer  "  or 
"  Bonnie  Doon,"  and  straightway  the  pen  drops 
from  his  tired  hand  and  the  bewildering  figures 
disappear,  and  in  their  places  he  sees  home  and  the 
mother  who  lived  there,  and  he  catches  the  song  of 
the  robins  in  the  old  orchard  and  the  scent  of  the 
sweet-briar  that  grew  by  the  door. 

Away,  away,  tormenting  cares, 
Of  earth  and  folly  born. 

He  is  at  home  again,  and  as  the  unknown  whistler 
passes  on  and  the  tender,  wandering  air  dies  away, 
the  eyes  of  the  listener  are  dim  with  tears. 

And  his  heart  is  filled  with  longing  pain 
To  be  a  whistling  boy  again. 


TALK     ABOUT    THEATERS, 


According  to  the  investigation  which  is  now  be- 
ing soactivelyconducted  under  the  Superintendence 
of  that  most  paternal  of  Governors,  General  But- 
ler, the  Tewksbury  Alms-house  must  have  hitherto 
been  a  pretty  tough  house  of  refuge  for  its  inmates. 
It  appears  that  the  principal  purpose  of  the  insti- 
tution has  been  to  furnish  "  subjects  "  to  the  dis- 
secting departments  of  various  medical  colleges. 
There  was  a  heap  of  money  in  the  scheme.  A 
dead  pauper  or  lunatic  (for  the  Alms-house  seems 
to  have  a  mad-house  attachment)  was  far  more 
valuable  than  a  live  one,  and'  under  these  circum- 
stances it  couid  scarcely  be  expected  that  the 
official  would  make  any  very  desperate  efforts  to 
keep  the  inmates  alive.  They  didn't  knock  the 
poor  devils  on  the  head,  however.  They  must  be 
given  credit  for  that.  Filth,  starvation,  and  sys- 
tematic ill-treatment  or  neglect  were  left  to  do  the 
work  ;  and  they  did  it  nobly.  Medical  science 
was  benefitted  by  a  never-failing  supply  of  "stiffs  " 
for  dissection  ;  the  community  was  relieved  of  the 
burden  of  supporting  those  who  were  cut  up  by  the 
doctors  ;  the  "  Alms-house  "  was  conducted  on  a 
most  economical  plan,  especially  in  its  commissary 
department  ;  and  the  worthy  officials  of  the  insti- 
tution grew  fat  and  prosperous  by  the  arrangement. 
And  now  comes  cock-eyed  Butler  and  spoils  the 
whole  thing  by  his  inquisitive  officiousness. 


Speaking  of  the  death  of  an  old  and  well-known 
citizen,  the  Bulletin  admiringly  explains  that  "  his 
memory  was  stored  with  a  fund  of  information 
touching  the  stage  and  the  actors  of  his  youth,  with 
many  of  whom  he  enjoyed  personal  acquaintance." 
A  man  with  so  marked  a  capacity  for  enjoyment 
must'have  found  Death  a  rather  agreeable  fellow. 


There  is  a  certain  mediocrity  of  cleverness  which 
defies  accurate  definition,  but  can  be  readily  illus- 
trated. Roland  Reed  and  his  Cheek  are  cases  in 
point.  The  play  is  the  merest  opportunity  for  the 
display  of  Reed's  peculiarities,  and  not  a  very  good 
opportunity  either  ;  yet  such  as  it  iB,  it  is  not  en- 
tirely taken  advantage  of.  The  fun  comes  in  spurts 
and  these  are  not  particularly  bright  or  frequent. 
The  jokes  and  witticisms  are  generally  old  ac- 
quaintances and  the  manner  of  their  presentation 
monotonously  "  Reedy."  A  queer  lot  of  dis- 
reputable people  are  needlessly  dragged  from  their 
congenial  obscurity  into  the  glare  of  the  foot-lights 
and  a  majority  of  them  look,  act  and  talk  as  if  they 
were  a  particularly  spicy  copy  of  the  Police  Gazette 
illustrations.  The  decent  people  in  the  play  are  a 
wayward  girl  with  a  vicious  temper,  an  old  fool 
who  is  engaged  in  writing  a  book,  and  a  goody- 
goody  young  man  who  is  almost  as  repulsive  as  any 
of  the  criminals.  These  comments  would  be  in 
excess  of  the  importance  of  the  play  if  it  were  not 
that  the  author,  being  evidently  proud  of  his  pro- 
duction, parades  his  name  and  likeneBSS  so  con- 
spicuously that  it  arouses  a  fear  that  he  may  repeat 
the  otfeDse  of  writing  a  similar  play. 

That  bright  musical  spectacle,  The  Queen's  Lace 
Handkerchief,  exercised  its  spell  of  attraction  dur- 
ing all  its  second  week  and  will  be  withdrawn  in 
favor  of  The  Merry   War. 

At  the  Tivoli  Stradella  has  given  way  to^  The 
Merry  Wives  of  Windsor,  of  which  further  notice  is 
reserved. 

Emerson's  Minstrels  are  as  amusing  as  possible  ; 
Fhwey-Flewey  and  the  Dude,  the  singing  and  the 
eccentricities,  being  attractions  which  fill  their 
little  place  every  night. 

Mme.  Cotrelly  in  the  part  of  Therese  Krones  was 
warmly  received  by  a  large  assembly  of  her  German 
friends  and  the  performance,  especially  the  part  of 
Ferdinand  Raimund  represented  by  Mr.  Urban, 
will  long  be  remembered  as  one  of  the  best  of  the 
season.  Next  Sunday  evening,  Mme.  Cotrelly  ap- 
pears for  the  second  and  last  time  in  German 
comedy  in  The  Seamstress,  in  a  part  which  recalls 
the  excellent  performance  of  Marie  Geistinger. 

The  recollection  of  all  that  Mme.  Ottillie  Gene'e 
has  done  for  the  German  stage  and  for  the  public 
of  San  Francisco  generally,  during  her  long  and 
successful  career  as  actress  and  manager,  causes  an 
intense  regret  at  her  departure.  In  bidding  her 
God-speed  we  gladly  add  that  we  wish  her  a  pleas- 
ant time,  and  hope  for  her  speedy  return. 

Something  definite  as  regards  the  programme  of 
the  Theodore  Thomas  Orchestral  Concerts  will  no 
doubt  be  interesting  to  all  music-lovers.  There  is 
to  be  one  Wagner  and  Beethoven  night.  At  the 
former  some  numbers  from  the  Trilogie  will  be 
heard  here  for  the  first  time.  The  programme  is 
announced  as  follows  :  Overtures  and  scenes  from 
Tannhauser,  second  and  third  acts,  "Siegfried's" 
love-song  ;  the  "  Walkuereuritt  "  ;  "  Wothan's  " 
farewell  and  the  mystic  tire  scene  from  the  Walk- 
uere ;  "  Siegfried's  "  death  from  the  Gotterdaem- 
merung  ;  "  Elsa's  "  dream,  prayer  and  finale  of  the 
first  act  ;  bridal  procession  of  the  second  act  ;  in- 
troduction and  chorus  of  the  third  act  of  Lohengrin. 
The  Beethoven  night  will  comprise  the  fifth  sym- 
phony, the  concerto  in  G  Minor  and  the  Hallelujah 
chorus  from  The  Mount  of  Olives.  The  other  even- 
ings and  matinee  concerts  will  be  equally  interest- 
ing ;  Mendelssohn's  Hymn  of  Praise  ;  selections 
from  Schumann's  Manfred  ;  some  numbers  from 
Mozart's  Magic  Flute  and  Berlioz's  Damnation  of 
FauM,  forming  part  of  the  programme.  The  first 
concert  and  the  two  matine'es  are  arranged  for 
orchestral  music  and  solo  numbers  ;  the  other  con- 
certs will  include  chorus. 

At  the  Baldwin  Theater  the  Leonard  Grover 
combination  are  battling  with  Arrah-na-Pogue,  as 
a  sort  of  skirmish  before  they  attack  some  other 
play.  In  view  of  the  late  dynamitic  propensities 
of  the  Irish,  plays  which  deal  with  their  character 
are  not  apt  to  find  much  favor. 


The  Rochester  Post  says  that  a  newly-married 
couple  from  "  Wayback  "  were  in  the  city  yester- 
day, and  of  course,  found  an  oyster  saloon  the  first 
thing.  ' '  How  do  you  want  them  1  On  the  half- 
shell  ?  "  the  waiter  asked  the  groom.  "  Nah-sir- 
ee  !  thar's  no  half-shell  business  with  this  wed>din' 
trip  ;   give  'em  to  us  on  the  whole-shell. " 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 

The  t'lil  and  well  known  bouse  "I  •  ' .  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
.'  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  Btreeta. 
■iendrt  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


LYDIA  E.  PINKHAMTS 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 


Foi   nil  tin. <i'  Pnlllftll  (   Dniplulu '-  llim   \\  \il1.iii--^i;- 

-"  c  it  ram  on  to  uur  bent  female  pupulutlon. 

A  tK'iliclnc  for  Woman.     IiiTonted  by  a  Woman. 

Prepared  liy  a  Womnn,- 

Tbo  OmImI    31<"llr;il   DbtOTCrj  Sin'i-'  tho    Dun  n  of  History. 

tW It  revives  tho  drooping  spirits,  invigorates  and 
harmonizes  the  organic  functions,  gives  elasticity  and 
II  nil  in-  -  h  to  tho  stop,  restores  t  lie  natural  lustre  to  the 
eye,  and  plints  on  the  pale  cheek  of  woman  the  fresh 
roses  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
|5^Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe'lt  Freely  *1D9 

It  removes  fointnesa,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 
for  stimulant,  and  relievos  weakness  of  the  Btomoeh. 

That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  la  always  permanently  cured  by  it.^  use. 

For  the  cure  of  Kidney  Complaints  of  either  sex 

this  Compound  la  unsurpassed. 

LYDIA  E.  PTXKHA5T8  BLOOD   PURIFIER 

"Will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  from  the 
Stood,  and  give  tone  and  strength  to  the  system,  of 
man  woman  or  child.    Insist  on  having  it. 

Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lyon,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  §L  Six  bottles  for  §5.  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  §1  per  bos 
for  either.  Mrs.  Plnkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
inquiry.    Enclose  3ct.  stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet. 

No  family  should  be  without  LYDIA  E.  PINKHAM'S 
LIVER  PILLS.  They  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  box. 

JBS-Soldby  all  Druggists.  <,£        0) 


SW  Cares  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion. Weakness,  Loss  ol  Manhood  and 
.ill  the  terrible  results  ot'  .1U1-..  .1  nature.,  ex- 
cesses and  yautliful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  tile  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $-50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.   D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.      Coram unicatioos  strictly 
confidential- 


KIDNEY-WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 

LIVER 

It  has  specific  action  on.  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in.  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

If  you  are  suffering  from 
malaria,  have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every- 
one should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
*l-   SOLD  BY  DRUCCISTS.  Price  $  I 


KIDNEY*  WORT 


$72 


A  WEEK.    812  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6*  ■)  Q    KEAKNY  STREET,  8A5 
.-*.  O     Francisco  -Established 
'<_>r  the  treatment  and  core  o' 
Special  DlseiiHo»,  nervous  and  |  ■ 

[>  blllty,  "i  >  1 1  *  eases  wearing  on  bodj 

ttud   mind,  pi Tiu.iueutU   cured      The 

sick    aud  afflicted  should  not  fail  to 

call  upon  Dim.     The  Doctor  has  tra- 

reled  eiteueively  In  Europe,  and  in- 

Bpected  thoroughly  the  varionB  hos- 

pitalB  there,  obtain  lug  a  great  deal  of 

valuable  Information,  which  he  le 

competent  to  Imparl  to  those  iu  need 

of  hiB  servlceB.    DR.  GIBBON  will 

make  no  charge  uiiIpbb  he  effects  a 

rsous  at  a  distance  tuby  be  OTJttKD  AT  HOME.    All 

nil-lit ""  a  strictly  confidential.    Charges  resonable.    Call 

e.     Address  DR.  J.    F.    GIBBON,    Box  1957.  San  Fran- 

Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  In  the  'WASP. 


rite. 


:  14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


L'linwood,    Olemvood,    Hudson   aud   Our  Choice. 


nON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
u  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizeSr-of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f ' g  Co. 

PAddress  Orders  and   Letters  of   In- 
quiry to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


C.  HERRMANN  &  CO. 

iiiUMiuvw.    Tin-    Hatter.) 

WILL    GIVE  VOU 

J^    Better    Hat 

For  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coast.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny~~Street,       336. 

Between   Bush   and    Pine,  San  Francisco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Cures  all  pa 


ims:nice  to   u_s_e : 


miom:s  »v  CO.,  DrngglHU,  gun  Jose,  cniirurulti. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ■ S 

COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

—  01 

Cubebs    and   Copaiba 

This  compound  lb  superior  to  any 

preparation  hitherto  in\  -  ritcl,  < 

bining  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
btate  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
i.--  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  f<*nn  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  <'<>.. 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  DRUGGISTS. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 

Established    1859. 

Acknowledged  Wall  the  LARGEST.  AIBIEST 
'  and  BEST 

IB    _A_    T    1EL    S 

On  the  Pacific  Coasi 

II  KKISII,     RUSSIAN,     STEAM,     *l  l.rill  l£ 
or  otlirr    f»le«lie;tl<*<l    Itntli*. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

S3S  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),    Xns.  iVJ'J,  ,V»4,  .V.'ti 
an<l    5'iS    I'ucitie  Street,    near    Commercial    Hotel,   between 

Ke;iniv    jml    Mnnti,">iiii'ry.     Entrance   through     L>r,    (_'arl     Zeik's 
Drug  Store.      Open   from  7  a.  m.  to  S  v.  m.,  Sunduys  till  3  p.  u. 
Private  rooms  for  jKitients. 
N.    B Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  1800. 


i      INSURE    IN    THE     BEST. 
Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Dollars,    raid  to 
Policy    Holders,  over  Seven    Million    Dollars. 


'  The   Old    and    Rel'able  " 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY, 

Total    Asset-., 
Total    Income, 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 


N. 


$.-.n,.-,.-,lVW1.6.> 
sll.m,n:;.so 


Those  mat 
can  apply  to 


i  safe  and  seeure    Life  Policy,  at  liberal   terms, 


A.  G.  HAWES,  Manager  for  Pacini-  Coast. 
•;;o  Sausomc  Street,      -      -      ■     San  Francisco. 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insuranc:  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

Scotch,  Union,  and  National 

Insurance   Company, 

'of  Great  Britain. 

II  li;  t\  .1  MANBEIM,  MACDONALD  A  UAWES, 

<  lly  Agents,                              Clcncrul  Agents, 
4*1  California  Street,                      287  Sansomc  street, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  R.  Macfarlanb. 


Geo.  W.  Mactarlank. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIKE-PROOF    BIlIlBINcT S3     <|III.N      STREET, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  Islands. 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc. ,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  t^The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  Si. 
Meals,  25  cents.  13F  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand.  ^___ 

[OLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jk., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


c 


CLAUSS    &  WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  Cal. 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  (IS-  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
oox  Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  SS'  His  California 
Rheumatic  Core  has  no  equaL  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal.  

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
t®"  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
'  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  SS~  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  Jstreet  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  CaL 

LK.  H.AMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal. ,  agent  for  Chickering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
'  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
AST  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     55TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one'  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
ished  in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  AST  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
§6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  ?2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

HE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.     C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.     ^"The  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc. ,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


, .;■,  ■>  •  ■■   -  ,     hEM»Y    TIETJEN.  . 

.J.&HEHRV  AHRENS. 'cfe, '   TW.  V  •OfrSTEL. 


Sffi:  '- "-i42C*r i434-  "£,V"pine  stnear  pol* 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co   proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but   a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar   kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.     ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     &&  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  §4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  $6.  Per  day,  SI  to  Sl,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  S8T  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  S5T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  propi-ietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
•  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 

Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  CaL 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  83T  Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  §500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M, 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  *S"  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  nf  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


DEALERS  _IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansome   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.     Ad- 
dress H.  Halle?  &  Co. ,  Portland,  Maine. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

MOTHER  S  ARAN'S  WORM  SYRUP. 

Infalliable,  tasteless,  harmless,  cathartic  ;  for  feverish- 
ness,  restlessness,  worms,  constipation.     25c. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &.  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  JL»  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  ana 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton"  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

CATARRH  OF  THE  BLADDER. 

Stinging  irritation,  inflammation,  all  Kidney  and  Urin- 
ary complaints,  cured  by  "  Buchu-paiba."      SI. 

SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Ofegon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  §]  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 

Containing  all  the  essentials  of  a  true  tonic,  and  sure  to 
give  satisfaction,  is  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


flJE    +(\    G?Oft  Per  ^a-v  a'  nome-  ^Samples  worth  $5  free. 


1  Address  Stinsox  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


iTiiU  Engraving  reprcaenu  Che  Lungs  iu  o  health}-  state- 


Consumption, 
Ooi<hs,  Colds, 
Croup. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 

CURING  'ln<l  otbeT  T,,r<>a<  an<l   t»ns 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

Is  an  Expectorant  it   hag  No  Equal. 

FOB  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 


THE     WASP. 


11 


BULLY     LITTLE     RHYMES. 


WHEN    THE    NOVELTY  S    GONE. 

You  will  find,  my  dear  boy,  that  the  dearly-prized  kiss 
Which  with  rapture  you  snatched  from  the  half-willing 

mi- 
ls sweeter  by  far  than  the  legalized  kisseB 
you  gave  the  name  girl  when  you've  made  her  a  Mrs. 

And  many  a  girl,  when  embarked  on  the  wave 

Of  life's  ocean  with  him  who  protests  he's  her  slave, 

Will  find,  when  there's  nothing  on  earth  that  can  save 

her, 
That  the  captain's  a  brute  and  the  vessel  a  slaver. 

— Henry  Emerson. 


A    MATINEE    SIOTH. 

He  wears  a  little  derby  hat 

And  swings  a  switch-like  cane, 
A  June-bug  pin  in  his  cravat, 

A  watch  fob  chatelaine. 
From  his  overcoat,  four  inches  short, 

His  brash  c>at-tails  protrude, 
Hi*  slender  It'gs  his  aim  impart — 

He  wants  to  be  a  "Dude." 

He  poses  on  the  public  walk, 

Or  Btands  around  for  drinks  ; 
Hi=  only  pen  is  billiard  chalk, 

He  talks— but  never  thinks. 
He  h  a  type  of  all  his  set, 

With  silliness  imbued, 
He  puffs  a  little  cigarette — 

And  now  he  is  a  "  Dude." 

—  Buffalo  News. 


RONDEAU. 

Well,  I  should  smile  in  rapture  gay 
If  she  would  only  deign  to  say, 
'  I  like  you  as  a  friend,"  and  slip 
Within  my  pa'm  the  finger  tip 
She  snaps  in  her  coquettish  way. 

And  if  her  eyes  of  azure  gray 
Grew  tender  as  the  blooms  of  May, 
In  warmth  of  my  companionship- 
Well,  I  should  smile. 

But  O,  if  she  her  head  should  lay 
Against  my  buttonhole  bouquet, 
And  lift  the  lushness  of  her  lip 
To  mine— my  giddy  heart  would  skip 
The  tra-la-loo  till  judgment  Day — 
Well,  I  should  smile  ! 


HER    LIGHT  GUITAR. 

She  twankled  a  tune  on  her  light  guitar, 
A  low  sweet  jangle  of  tangled  sounds. 
As  blurred  as  the  voices  of  fairies  are, 
Dancing  in  moondawn  dales  and  downB  ; 
And  the  tinkling  drip  of  the  strange  refrain 
Ran  o'er  the  rim  of  my  soul  like  rain. 

The  great  blonde  moon  in  the  midnight  skies 

Paused  and  poised  o'er  the  trellis  eaveB, 
And  the  stars,  in  $he  light  of  her  upturned  eyes, 
Sifted  their  love  through  the  rifted  leaves — 
Glinted  and  splintered  in  crystal  mist 
Down  the  glittering  strings  that  her  fingers  kissed. 

0  the  melody  mad  !    0  the  tinkle  and  thrill 

Of  the  ecstacy  of  the  exquisite  thing  ! 
The  red  rose  dropped  from  the  window-sill 
And  lay  in  a  long  swoon  quivering  ; 
While  the  dying  notes  of  the  strain  divine 
Rippled  in  glee  up  my  spell-bound  spine. 

—J.  W.  Riley. 


A    TRIFLE. 

He  put  his  arm  around  my  waist — 
Just  so  ;   and  looked,  oh  !  very  silly  ; 

And  yet  at  being  thus  embraced 
I  did  not  frown  ;  the  air  was  chilly. 

He  raised  my  hand,  and  bent  his  chin 
Most  reverently  low  to  kiss  it : 

One  little  kiss — it  was  no  sin — 
To  tell  the  truth  I  did  not  miss  it. 

Then  as  I  turned  my  face  toward  his 

Our  lips  were  near — none  to  forbid  it- 
Somebody  kissed  !     The  trouble  is, 
I  don't  exactly  know  who  did  it. 


TO     WHOM     IT     MAY     CONCERN, 


for  all  other  government  proposals.  Sureties  will 
be  exacted  for  the  proper  execution  of  all  contracts, 
and  I  reserve  to  myself  the  right  to  reject  any  or 
all  such  bids. 

I.  For  a  mere  restoration  of  my  character  to  its 
former  state  of  purity. 

II.  For  a  complete  vindication  of  the  justice  of 
my  recent  course. 

III.  For  convincing  arguments  that  my  tem- 
porary expatriation  was  purely  for  the  purpose  of 
cementing  our  relations  with  the  republics  south 
of  us. 

rV.  For  the  exaction  of  an  acknowledgment  on 
the  part  of  the  authorities,  that  they  have  grossly 
erred  in  impeaching  my  intentions,  and  for  an 
ample  apology  on  their  part. 

V.  For  compelling  a  handsome  compensation 
in  money  as  damages  for  arbitrary  detention  and 
unjustifiable  thwarting  of  my  praiseworthy  purpose. 

VI.  For  procuring  my  restoration  t<>  office  ;  the 
same  to  be  made  a  life- tenure,  as  a  recognition  of 
my  merit. 

Bids  may  be  offered  for  either  or  all  of  the  above 
conditions  ;  or  these  may  be  parceled  off  in  groups 
or  lots  to  Buit. 

It  has  been  falsely  Btated  that  I  am  impecunious. 
Let  no  bidder  be  deterred  from  making  his  pro- 
posal because  of  that.  If  I  have  no  publicly  known 
bank  account  at  this  critical  period,  yet  I  am  sure 
of  Ihe  sympathy  and  generous  cooperation  of  many 
people  high  in  office,  who  as  yet  possess  the  confi- 
dence of  the  public,  together  with  considerable 
credit  ;  all  of  which  will  be,  I  am  sure,  used  to  my 
advantage.  J.  S.   Gr-t. 


Recently  returned  from  a  southern  tour  under- 
taken in  the  interest  of  foreign  relations,  I  find  my 
reputation  somewhat  travel-stained,  and  am  now 
prepared  to  receive  proposals  from  any  reputable 
establishment  engaged  in  the  cleaning-business,  to 
make  their  respective  bids  without  delay,  upon  the 
basis  hereinafter  specified.  The  amount  of  com- 
pensation expected  in  each  case  is  to  be  written  out 
in  full  and  to  be  plainly  marked  in  figures  upon  the 
outside  of  the  envelope  wherein  the  bid  is  enclosed, 
this  being  in  strict  accordance  with  the  form  usual 


A     LUMINARY. 


There  ia  a  feeling  of  fear  and  envy  among  society 
scribes  at  the  present  time,  owing  to  a  star  of  un- 
usual magnitude,  which  has  recently  become  visible 
in  the  firmament  splendored  by  the  purveyors  of 
social  news.  Mr.  Baldwin,  a  youth  of  tender  years, 
who  "  ekes  out  a  scanty  subsistence  "  by  tran- 
scribing legal  documents  for  a  well  known  law  firm, 
has  undauntedly  entered  the  social  arena,  and  in 
addition  to  his  arduous  clerical  duties  is  prepared  to 
dish  up  "  society  items  "  in  the  most  approved 
style.  The  vacancy  created  by  the  withdrawal  of 
Mrs.  Mary  Watson,  of  the  Examiner,  has  given 
this  callow  fledgling  of  the  law  an  opportunity  to 
display  his  talents  in  the  literary  field.  The  social 
columns  of  the  journal  mentioned,  which  contain 
choice  bits  of  gossip  appertaining  to  prominent 
residents  of  Minna  and  Tehama  streets,  attest  the 
skill  and  aptness  possessed  by  this  juvenile  writer 
for  his  new  vocation.  The  polished  style  of  Mr. 
Irwin  pales  in  comparison  with  the  graceful  and 
vivid  descriptions  of  this  unsophisticated  aspirant 
to  literary  fame,  whose  future  career  will  be  eagerly 
watched  and  patiently  waited  for  by  all  intrusted 
in  the  advancement  of  the  gilded  youth. 


MAKING      HERSELF    A     LADY. 

A  curious  case  is  interesting  the  people  of  Berlin. 
Two  years  ago  a  beautiful  girl,  twenty-one  years 
old,  Fraulein  L. ,  was  wedded  in  civil  fashion  to  a 
certain  Baron  von  B.,  seventy  and  extremely  poor. 
Immediately  after  the  ceremony  two  gentlemen, 
friends  of  the  bride,  took  the  bridegroom  to  a 
neighboring  cafe,  and  there  paid  him  a  sum  of 
money  in  consideration  of  the  loss  of  his  wife, 
whom  he  never  saw  again.  Fraulien  L.,  had 
gained  her  object.  She  could  style  herself  Baroness, 
and  could  hope  to  be  united  with  a  Prussian  aris- 
tocrat, with  whom,before,  considerations  of  rank  had 
stood  in  the  way  of  marriage.  A  few  days  ago  the 
Baroness  sued  for  a  divorce,  but  her  request  was 
refused,  and  she  now  has  gone  to  Italy  to  wait  the 
time  when  death  shall  release  her  from  her  mar- 
riage engagement  forever.  The  old  baron,  how- 
ever*, is  said  to  be  in  comparatively  good  condition 
considering  his  age,  and,  in  the  enjoyment  of  a  fair 
income  from  the  money  he  received,  willing  to  live 
for  many  years  to  come.  But  Berlin  society  is 
laughing  at  the  Baroness. 


"Tree  dollar  unt  a  half  !"  exclaimed  Count 
Ranahackle  to  the  Niagara  hack-man,  "  dot  was  a 
swindle  !  "  "  It's  a  regular  fare,"  said  the  hack- 
man  "  but  seeing  it's  you,  I'll  take  you  for  three 
dollars  and  fifty  cents."  "  Goot  !  "  exclaimed  the 
Count       "It   was   without  bossibihties   to   sheat 


THE     .ETNA     SPRINGS. 

The  following  account  of  the  hygienic  effects  and  power 
of  the  .Etna  waters  is  made  by  one  of  the  oldest  practic- 
ing physicians  of  Napa  Couuty,  and  reputed  as  one  of  the 
I  illful  in  the  State  : 

"  I  have  known  these  springs  since  they  were  disco  v. 
erep  in  mining  for  cinabar,  about  six  yean  ago.  Soon 
after  their  discovery  1  observed  their  remarkable  curative 
i  man;  cases  of  cutaneous  and  kidney  diseases  and 
rheumatic  affection.  The  temperature  of  the  water  at  the 
springe  ia  98  dega.,  blood  heat  The  waters  aot  as  an  al- 
terative and  as  a  tonic.  They  purify  the  bloo3,  correct 
the  secretions,  and  restore  to  healthy  action  the  various 

organs  of  the  body,  and  invigorate  the  whole  system.  The 
water  contains,  in  combination  with  other  constituent^,  a 
large  amount  of  carbonic  acid  gas,  and  acts  on  son  per- 
sons like  a  galvanic  battery,  and  is  supposed  to  be  electri- 
cal. Bathing  opens  both  the  perspiratory  and  sebaceous 
pores,  relieves  the  system  of  impurities,  producing  a  most 
healthful  and  salutary  effect  on  the  nervous  system,  as 
well  as  of  the  functions  of  the  body.  These  waters  are 
very  useful  in  bronchial  affections,  and  in  affections  of  the 
lungs  in  consumption  in  all  of  its  incipient  stages.  The 
waters  are  a  specific  for  kidney  diseases  before  the  struct- 
ural organization  of  the  kidneys  is  destroyed  ;  are  a  cer- 
tain remedy  for  erysipelas,  however  strongly  entrenched, 
fur  L-hmnic  diarrhcea,  for  dyspepsia,  and  are  an  antidote  in 

most  rheumatic  attacks,  including  inflammatory,  where 
they  have  a  most  efficacious  and  charming  effect.  I  oan 
especially  commend  these  waters  incases  of  general  debil- 
ity caused  by  overwork,  malaria  or  other  disease.  Tho 
baths  are  grateful  to  the  feelings,  and  act  as  a  nervous  an- 
odyne, allaying  nervous  sensibility  and  agitation,  and  pos- 
sessing a  remarkable  restorative  power  in  cases  of  paral- 
ysis. These  waters  not  only  succor  Nature  and  enable 
her  to  resist  and  repel  disease,  but  they  are  an  antidote  to 
the  virus  producing  it.  In  all  cases  that  come  under  my 
observation,  where  the  diseased  have  visited  these  waters 
and  have  given  them  a  fair  trial,  and  have  c  informed  to 
the  rules  prescribed,  they  have,  by  their  invigorating  and 
purifying  effects,  or  by  their  alterative  and  tonic  proper- 
ties, been  benefitted,  and  in  many  cases  the  effects  have 
been  remarkable.  I  pronounce  these  waters  of  great  and 
varied  virtue  and  excellent,  like  the  Ems  of  (Germany , 
which  they  so  closely  resemble  in  analysis  and  in  sanitary 
effect.  \V.  W.  Stillwagqn,  M.  D." 


FOK  THICK  HEADS, 
Heavy  stomachs,  bilious  conditions, — Wells'  May  Apple 
Pills— an ti -bilious,  cathartic.      10  and  25c. 

The  favorite  line  of  railroad  travel  between  the  East 
and  West  is  the  great  Burlington  Route.  A  part  of  the 
popularity  of  this  route  is  due  to  the  splendid  sceneiy 
along  its  line  and  a  part  to  its  admirable  arrangement  for 
the  comfort  and  convenience  of  its  passengers,  and  to  the 
speed  of  its  trains.  The  line  is  represented  in  San  Fran- 
cisco by  Mr.  T.  D.  McKay,  to  whose  marked  ability 
much  of  its  success  must  be  ascribed.  Mr.  McKay  is 
active,  alert  and  intelligent  in  looking  out  for  the  interests 
entrusted  to  him,  and  in  the  fierce  competition  for  busi- 
ness among  the  roads  east  of  the  Missouri  river  has  proved 
himself  a  formidable  antagonist.  We  congratulate  the 
managers  of  the  Burlington  Koute  on  their  possession  of 
bo  capable  an  agent. 

Nervousness,  debility,  and  exhausted  vitality  cured  by 
using  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


The  excursion  season  to  Santa  Cruz,  the  Big  Trees,  and 
all  the  points  of  interest  along  the  South  Pacific  Coast 
Railroad,  has  opened  with  promise  of  abundant  profit  to 
the  road.  The  round  trip,  to  and  from  Santa  Cruz,  can 
be  made  on  the  excursion  trains  at  the  low  rate  of  $5,  and 
the  ticket  is  good  from  Saturday  to  Monday.  There  i* 
not  a  more  charming  bit  of  country  anywhere  than  the 
whole  line  of  this  popular  road,  from  San  Jose  southward. 
An  excursion  to  any  of  the  favorite  points  along  it  is  the 
most  acceptable  act  of  Christian  worship  that  can  be  per- 
formed on  the  Lord's  Day. 


*  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound  is  a 
most  valuable  medicine  for  ladies  of  all  ages  who  may  be 
afflicted  with  any  form,  of  disease  peculiar  to  the  sex.  Her 
Remedies  are  not  only  put  up  in  liquid  form  but  in  Pills 
and  Lozenges,  in  which  forms  they  are  securely  sent 
through  the  mails.  _ 

FASHIONABLE    TAILORS. 

Messrs.  Shipper  &  Schwartz  have  opened  a  fine  gentle- 
men's tailoring  establishment  at  733  Market  street,  oppo- 
site Dupont.  They  are  "old  hands"  at  the  business. 
Sol.  Shipper  wa«  eight  years  in  San  Jose  and  ran  the 
"Bon  Ton"  tailoring  house  in  Portland,  Oregon,  for 
five  years,  with  great  success.  His  many  friends  in  these 
cities,  as  well  as  here,  will  be  pleased  to  learn  where  they 
can  get  a  good  hand  work  suit,  of  clothes  at  a  reasonable 
price.  Call  and  see  Messrs.  Shipper  &  Schwartz  at  their 
new  store,  as  above. 

SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the   ''WASP"   on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cent?. 

m  Millions  of  packages  of  the  Diamond  Dyes  have 
been  sold  without  a  single  complaint.  Everywheie  they 
are  the  favorite  Dyes. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  Sa 


Francisco. 


12 


THE     WASP. 


MINOR     MALEFACTIONS. 


We  find  the  following  in  our  shrimp-pink  con- 
temporary, the  News  Letter. 

When  Byron  wrote  his  "  English  Bards  and  Scottish 
Eeviewers,"  he  hardly  could  have  been  aware  of  the 
future  existence  of  the  man  whr.,  on  Tuesday  last,  got  up 
the  fierce  editorial  against  ex-Congressman  Pa?e  in  the 
live  paper,  else  he  must  have  had  the  creature  in  his 
mind  when  he  penned  the  line—"  With  just  enough 
learning  to  misquote." 

Perhaps  the  creature  that  Byron  really  had  in  his 
prophetic  mind  was  the  writer  of  the  foregoing 
paragraph,  who  himself  misquotes  not  only  Byron's 
hackneyed  line  Vrit  the  title  of  the  satire  in  which 
it  occurs. 

A  correspondent  sends  us  without  comment  the 
the  following  extracts  from  two  esteemed  contem- 
poraries : 

STORYETTES. 

Grave,  Gay,  Epigrammatic  and  Otherwise. 
"  Why  so  gloomy  this  morning,  Jacob  ?  "  "  Ah,  my 
poor  lee  tie  Benjamin  Levi— he  is  dead  !  "  "  Dead?  You 
surprise  me.  How  did  it  happen  ?  "  "  Veil,  you  see, 
my  leetle  Benjamin  he  was  at  der  synagogue  to  say  his 
brayers,  and  a  poy  put  in  his  het  at  der  toor  und  gries  : 
'  Job  lot  !  '  und  leetle  Benjamin  vas  gilt  in  der  grush.1'  — 
From  the  Argonaut,  Saturday  Morning,  April  '21st. 


POSTSCRIPTS. 

[by    derrick   dodd.] 
Leedle  Schakie. 

"How  you  vas,  Mister  Klopenstein  ? "  said  a  well- 
known  pawnbroker  to  another  of  the  guild,  who  wore  a 
fresh  crape  on  his  hat.  "  I  hear  you  loss  your  leedle 
Schakie— dot  vos  a  sad  ting." 

"  Yas  ;  dot  was  a  bainful  Occidents,"  said  the  other, 
drawing  an  unredeemed  pledge  across  his  eyes. 

"  Occident,  my  tear  Schakob  ;  how  vos  dot  ?" 

"  Veil,  you  see,  Moses,  it  occurt  in  dis  vay.  I  takes 
little  Schakie  vid  me  to  ter  Synagogue  last  Saturday. 
Day  vos  a  pig  growd  in  dere,  und  after  a  vile  some  veller 
sticks  hes  head  unter  der  door  und  shouts  out,  '  Vot  gan  I 
gets  on  dis  vatch  ?  '  " 

"  Veil— vot  den  ?  " 
.-     "  Vy,  ton't  you  see,   Leedle  Shakie  vos  killed  in  der 
rush." — From     the    Evening    Post,    Saturday    Evening, 
April  21st. 

The  anecdote  is  not  the  Argonaut's  either.  It 
has  been  traveling  in  the  newspapers  for  twenty 
years,  and  it  was  universally  known.  It  will  be 
known  no  more  ;  having  incurred  the  double  dis- 
aster of  publication  in  both  the  Argonaut  and  the 
Post,  it  may  be  considered  extinct.  With  two 
layers  of  oblivion  over  it,  none  but  the  most  pene- 
trating memory  will  be  able  to  recall  its  features. 
Gone  to  join  the  Bulletin  s  Saturday  poetry. 


FEMININITIES, 


The  reason  why  women  can  not  succeed  as  well 
as  men  in  the  walks  of  life,  is  because  when  she  is 
on  the  walks,  one  hand  is  usually  employed  in 
holding  up  her  dress. 

A  Connecticut  woman  has  sold  out  her  millinery 
shop  and  opened  a  saloon.  She  concluded  that 
supplying  women1  with  head-gear  was  neither  as 
pleasant  nor  as  profitable  as  fitting  men  with  night- 


TALK     BACK. 


We  have  heard  hundreds  of  girls  say  they 
wouldn't  marry  the  best  man  that  ever  lived,  but 
have  generally  found  that  they  were  quite  willing 
to  wed  the  best  men  who  would  have  them. 


An  old  woman  who  has  for  many  years  kept  a 
news-stand  at  the  corner  of  Broadway  and  Maiden 
Lane,  New  York,  died  the  other  day  worth  810,000. 
It  seems  impossible  for  any  one  to  be  connected 
with  newspapers  without  making  money. 

The  bride  was  led  up  the  broad  aisle, 
Got  up  in  the  most  killing  staisle, 

When  asked  if  she'd  be 

A  true  wife  to  he, 
She  promptly  replied,  "  I  should  smaisle." 


A  Turkish  pasha  has  shown  his  appreciation  of 
tie  work  of  our  mission  schools  in  his  country  by 
tHe  following  remark  :  "  When  a  girl  has  come 
back  from  the  American  mission  school,  you  should 
not  say  a  girl,  but  a  school  has  come.1' 


Mine.  Eugenie  Legrand,  the  acress,  is  the  wife 
of  Kyrle  Bellew,  who  tries  to  act  in  England  while 
his  better  half  is  cuntent  to  make  her  home  in 
America.  "  lam  told  your  husband  is  very  hand- 
some," said  an  acquaintance  of  hers,       "  So  I 

Hear,"  replied  njadame. 


[All  contributors  expecting  payment— except  those  with  whom 
we  have  an  understanding— must  either  set  a  price  upon  their 
articles  or  indicate  their  willingness  to  accept  a  price  fixed  by  our- 
selves. Declined  manuscripts  will  Vie  returned  if  stamps  are  sent 
for  that  purpose.  It  is  necessary  that  the  editor  know  the  full 
name  and  address  of  every  contributor.] 

B.  E. — You  are  mistaken  :  the  greatest  living  poet  is  Mr. 
Ion  Arnold,  the  author  of  the  words  and  composer  of 
the  music  of  a  recently  published  waltz  song  called 
"  Sweet  Forest  Bird."  The  music  beats  us,  but  we 
think  we  can  get  away  with  the  words.  They  are  as 
follows  : 

Ah ! 

Sweet  forest  flower  ;    awake,  and  smile  thy  plaintive 

notes  beguile. 
Lone  forest  bird,  our  evening  hours  mid  solftly  dewy 

showers. 
My  throbbing  heart  they  presence  thrills  and  through 

nerves  new  life  distills. 
Each  thought  of  thee  renews  life's  tide,  my  flower,  my 

only  pride. 
Oh  !  love  with  eyes  so  like  the  fawn  that  loves  to  greet 

the  dewy  dawn. 
Those  Eyes  to  me  give  life  anew  as  to  the  flower  the 

dew. 
Thy  breath  is  like  the  early  rose  that  springs  pellucid 

rays  inclose. 
Sweet  as  springs  smiles  at  evening    hour  when  luna 
gilds  each  sylvan  bower. 

Stveet  forest  flower  awake  and  smile  and  thy  plaintive 

notes  beguile. 
Lone  forest  bird,  our  evening  hours  mid  softly  dewy 

showers. 
Sweet.    I  love  my  life,  m3r  forest  flower,  my  own  sweet 

forest  flower. 

When  that  is  sung  to  the  tune  that  killed  the  brindle 
calf  its  subtle  meaning  comes  out  like  a  range  of 
measles  upheaved  by  a  pint  of  hot  saffron  tea.  We 
repeat  that  Mr.  Ion  Arnold,  and  not  Mr.  William 
Emerson,  is  the  greatest  living  poet. 

Joseph  Weiser. — Your  proclamation  received.  You  say 
you  are  "the  Founder  and  President  of  the  Com- 
munion of  God."  Joseph,  We  are  delighted  to  hear 
from  you,  and  learn  that  you  are  out  of  the  asylum. 
Come  round  and  see  TJs  ;  We  wish  to  thank  you  for 
founding  Our  communion.  Joseph,  a  crown  of  bright 
glory  is  waiting  for  you  up  at  Our  other  place. 

Fogg.— Too  late— next  week. 

J.  C.  C. — Too  long.     Will  return  it  by  mail. 

Saint  Aidenx. — Fifty  sheets!  And  this  from  you.' — 
you  whom  we  have  loved  !     Further  abuse  by  letter. 

M.  M.  H.— If  we  were  to  announce  your  show  and  our 
readers  could  not  find  your  advertisement  of  it  in  the 
paper  maybe  they  would  not  believe  us.  We  have  to 
be  mighty  careful  about  our  reputation  for  veracity  ; 
there  is  not  enough  of  it  to  sport  with. 

J.  B.  C. — You  are  "an  amusin' 
you  persist  in  calling  this  a 
not  much  hope  of  our  loving  you  very  hard.  You 
just  ask  some  of  the  prominent  knaves' of  this  State 
if  they  think  us  "  funny." 

T.  F.  H.— Be  careful  how  you  send  us  letters — we  can 
read  nearly  all  the  printed  portions. 

Accepted.—"  The  Old  Man's  Darling  "  ;  "  Jo.  Clever- 
ley's  Talking  Potato":  "At  the  Seaside";  "A 
Recipe  for  Exterminating  Big  Bugs"  ;  "  Condensed 
History  of  Mrs.  Thomas  Blythe  "  ;  "  The  Ghost  of 
Castle  Snobkins  "  ;  three  invitations  to  dinner,  an 
apology  from  an  irrascible  subscriber  and  a  handsome 
bouquet  from — we  would  give  something  to  know 
whom. 

Declined.— Everything  bad,  long  or  anonymous,  and  the 
honor  of  Mr.  Charles  Crocker's  personal  acquaint- 


little  cuss,"  but  while 
'  comic  "  paper  there  is 


%*  "  Test  a  man's  profession  by  his  practice.  Physi- 
cian, heal  thyself  :  "  Physicians  not  only  heal  themselves 
with  Kidney-Wort,  but  prescribe  it  for  others  for  the 
worst  cases  of  biliousness  and  constipation,  as  well  as  for 
kidney  complaints.  If  you  feel  out  of  sorts  and  don't 
know  why,  try  a  package  of  Kidney- Wort  and  you  will 
feel  like  a  new  creature. 


Suffer 


no  longer  from  Dyspep- 
sia, Indigestion,  want  of 
Appetite,loss  of  Strength 
lack  of  Energy,  Malaria, 
Intermittent  Fevers,  &c. 
BROWN'S  IRON  BIT- 
TERS never  fails  to  cure- 
all  these  diseases. 


Boston,  November  26,  1881.  * 
Brown  Chemical  Co. 

Gentlemen: — For  years  I  have 
been agreatsuffererfrom  Dyspepsia, 
and  could  get  no  relief  (having  tried 
everything  which  was  recommend- 
ed) until,  acting  on  the  advice  of  a 
friend,  who  had  been  benefitted  by 
Brown's  Iron  Bitteks,  I  tried  a 
bottle,  with  most  surprising  results. 
Previous  to  taking  Bhown's  Iron 
Bitthr5,  everything  \  ate  distressed 
me,  and  I  suffered  greatly  from  a 
burning  sensntion  in  the  stomach, 
which  was  unbearable.  Since  tak- 
ing Brown's  Ikon  Bitters,  all  my 
troubles  are  at  an  end.  Can  eat  any 
time  without  any  disagreeable  re- 
sults. 1  am  practically  another 
person.  Mrs,  W  J,  Flynn, 

30  Maverick  St.,  F„  Boston. 


BROWN'S  IRON  BIT- 
TERS acts  like  a  charm 
on  the  digestive  organs, 
removing  all  dyspeptic 
symptoms,  such  as  tast- 
ing the  food,  Belching, 
Heat  in  the  Stomach, 
Heartburn,  etc.  The 
only  Iron  Preparation 
that  will  not  blacken  the 
teeth  or  give  headache. 

Sold  by  all  Druggists. 

Brown  Chemical  Cq. 

Baltimore,  Md. 


See   that  all  Iron  Bitters  arc  made  by 
Brown  Chemical  Co.,  Baltimore,  and 
have  crossed  red  lines  and  trade- 
mark on  wrapper. 

BEWARE  OF  IMITATIONS. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
DI1  B=^  THIS  distressing  com- 
9  ILEaOi  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
42-  $&"!£  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

""  USE  I   Druggists  Sel 


PRICE  SI. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

Is  a  certain  cure  for  XliRVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  too  evil  effeots  of 
youthful  follk's  und  expenses. 

DK.  E1INTIE,  who  fa  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  the  University  ot  Peonaylvaola, 
will  agree  to  forfeit,  Five  Huuiircd  Dollar*  far 
ncaseoftlio  bind  the  VITAL  HESTOItATrfl 
(under  his  special  advice  and  treattne"',)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  tht 
quantity,  S10.  Scot  to  anv  adrln'Sd,  CONFi- 
DESTurLY,  by  A.  E,  MINTHC.  M.  P.,  No.  il 
Kearnv  Srrcet,  S.  P.     Semi  for  pamphlet. 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  lltEE  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  loiter,  stating  svinpioras, 
sex  and  age.  Strict  aecrecy  in  Ml  trai 


.■    :\:-nc- 


THE    WASP. 


is 


THE     SHAH'S     GIRLS, 


Not  many  years  ago  (he  Shall  of  Persia  never 
Wowed  his  wives  to  show  even  the  tips  of  their 
fingers  t.>  any  of  the  male  sex  over  the  age  of  12. 
Formerly,  when  the  members  of  the  harem  (the 
princesses  and  the  female  attendants  of  the  Shah's 
hou8eh,,lrl).  enveloped  in  a  black  sheet  with  a  veil 
on  the  lace,  and  sitting  in  a  covered  carriage, 
made  their  passage  through  the  streets  of  Teheran, 
the  eunuchs  and  the  feraches  who  accompanied 
them  used  their  long  sticks  to  drive  people  away. 
The  Europeans  were  allowed  to  stay  where  they 
happened  to  be  at  the  time,  but  were  compelled  to 
turn  their  faces  to  the  wall.  During  the  last  few 
years,  however,  and  especially  since  his  return  from 
the  second  journey  to  Europe,  Nasser-ed-Din  Shah 
has  become  m, .le  obliging. 

Since  that  time  the  Persians  are  ordered  only  to 
keep  out  of  the  harem's  path,  and  the  Europeans 
are  allowed  to  continue  their  way  on  the  tacit  con- 
dition that  they  shall  not  gaze  too  avidiously  at 
the  passing  carriage.  As  far  as  can  be  judged 
from  a  distance  of  ten  or  twelve  yards,  these  ladies 
have,  in  general,  round  faces,  very  large  and  fine 
eyes,  and  thick  and  arched  eyebrows,  which  are 
made  to  appear  still  thicker  by  the  application  of  a 
certain  dye  of  very  dark  blue  color,  called  in  Per- 
sian "rang, "  and  more  archlike  by  plucking  the 
hair  which  may  stand  out  of  the  arched  line,  and 
cheeks  of  Vermillion.  Their  skin,  however,  as  that 
of  all  Persians,  with  few  exceptions,  lacks  delicacy 
and  whiteness.  Their  features,  too,  are  not  gen- 
erally expressive,  and  most  of  them  are  what  a 
European  taste  would  call  insupportably  fat. 


If  it 


THE    COMING    BALL, 
ot  for  the  enterprise  of  Colonel  Andrews  of 


EQUITABLE 

Life  Assurance  So.iety, 
120    BROADWAY,   NEW  YORK, 

ITEMS  FKOM  THE  TWENTY  THIRD  ANNUA! 
STATEM  EXT. 

*»se $48,03!!,)50  SO 

Liabilities :i;,:m:;,d;u  '■«> 

Surplus HH0.«,-.K.lii4  47 

'"•"in'' *ii..h!i;.i:i  ii 

I'alil  Policy-holders  In  Isx;, ..    m,->.nn,.-,n  ,'ili 

New    Assurance    written    In 

liw* $6'.\2<M,2J3  IMI 


the  Diamond  Palace,  the  citizens  of  San  Francisco  would 
be  denied  the  excitement  and  pleasure  attending  masquer- 
ades The  evening  of  Friday,  the  27th  day  of  July,  is 
ftxed  for  the  great  spectacular  event  at  the  Mechanics' 
Pavilion,  which  will  be  put  in  the  best  order  to  accommo- 
date thousands  of  dancers  and  spectators.  It  is  univers- 
ally conceded  that  the  affair,  for  brilliancy,  splendid  music 
and  originality  of  costume,  will  exceed  any  ever  witnessed 
in  this  city.  The  Colonel  has  commenced  thus  early  to 
arrange  the  details  and  prepare  the  prizes,  which  are  being 
manufactured  in  his  factory,  from  original  and  unique  de- 
sings,  by  the  best  workmen  in  San  Francisco.  We  under- 
stand that  the  prizes  will  cost  to  manufacture  about  S10,- 
000,  ami  will  he  awarded  to  the  successful  contestants  by 
committees  selected  fr<  mi  the  leading  citizens  of  San  Fran- 
cisco. The  demand  for  tickets  thus  far  has  been  very 
great,  some  of  our  local  swells  having  reserved  seats  by 
the  dozen.  In  anticipation  of  the  thousands  who  will  be 
temporarily  domiciled  in  San  Francisco  during  July  and 
August,  a  number  of  prominent  Knights  Templar  are  se- 
curing accommodations  for  their  Eastern  fraters,  thus 
insuring  to  them  one  of  the  most  enjoyable  of  evening  en- 
tertainments. Considerable  interest  is  being  taken  in 
theatrical  circles  in  the  coming  masquerade,  as  special  at- 
tention will  be  given  to  awarding  prizes  to  members  of 
that  profession.  It  promises  to  be  the  grandest  Spectacu- 
lar Carnival  ever  held  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  Secure  your 
tickets  early. 

1  *  « 

A  SPARKLING  TABLE  WATER. 
The  celebrated  Bethesda  Water  from  the  renowned 
mineral  springs,  Waukesha,  Wis.,  has  been  shipped  for 
years  to  Louis  Cohen  &  Sons,  general  agents  for  the  Pa- 
cific Coast,  No.  41S  Sacramento  street.  It  is  put  up  in 
barrels,  half  barrels  and  bottles,  and  delivered  to  any  part 
of  the  City  or  State.  As  a  tonic  it  is  good  ;  as  a  specific 
for  all  forms  of  dyspepsia  and  a  sure  cure  for  kidney 
troubles,  it  stands  ahead  of  all  other  natural  waters.  It 
IE l  stronglv  recommended  by  leading  physicians,  and  as  an 
effervescing  table-water  is  coming  into  general  use. 

THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 
This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen— take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  and  com  teous 
manner.     The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 

i  »1  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.     Superior  accommodations  are  provided 

I  for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 

/€TNA 

ETotJVIineral  Springs 

SITUATED  SIXTEEN  MILES  EAST  OF  ST. 
Helena,  in  Pope  Valley,  Napa  County.  These  waters 
closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany  in  analysis  and 
salutary  effects.  Board  and  baths,  $10  per  week.  The 
^Etna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  Thursdays  and 
Saturdays  at  1  P.-  M.,  connecting  with  the  8  A.  M.  train 
from  San  Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs  at  5:30  P. 
M.  Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlet  to  W.  H.  LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 


The  new  Assurance  written  is  the  largest  business  over 
transacted  by  any  company  in  a  single  year. 

Its  aggregate   amount   of  new  Assurance  for  sixteen 
years  is  larger  than  of  any  other  company  in  the  world. 

Every  Policy  three  years  old  becomes 
INCONTESTABLE. 

Incontestable   Policies    are    payable,    not    after    three 
months'  delay,  but 

IMMEDIATELY, 
And  not  less  a  discount,  but  are 

PAID  IN  FULL. 

The  Equitable  has 
NO  CONTESTED 


CLAIMS   ON   ITS  BOOKS. 

The  attention  of  the  public  is  directed  to  the 
TONTINE  SAVINGS  FUND  SYSTEM, 
Under  which  full  assurance  is  provided  in  case  of  death, 
while    surviving    policy-holders    reap    the    largest    cash 
returns. 

The  business  of  the  Society  is  conducted  on  the 

CASH  BASIS 
And  on  the 

PURELY  MUTUAL   SYSTEM. 

Dividends   are   declared   annually  on  ordinary  Policies 
and  at  the  end  of  fixed  periods  on  Tontine  Policies. 


.';t 


Are   You   Going   East  ? 
IB1    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

To  pass  through  the  old  Historical,  moat  densely  popu- 
lated! richest  and  best  portions  of  the  country  lying  be- 
tween the  l'  \(  I  I'M  '  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  wlii.  ly  settled,  desolate  and 

uninteresting,  rlence,  when  purchasing  your  ticket.be 
particular  to  .see  that  it  reads  by  way  of  the  '  rrand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


The  affairs  of  the  Society  are  managed  by  a  Board  of 
fifty-two  Directors,  divided  into  committees,  whose  meet- 
ings are  held  regularly  from  week  to  week,  to  invest  the 
funds  ;  to  review  the  contracts  ;  to  examine  applications 
for  assurance  ;  to  sanction  the  payment  of  policies  ;  to 
authorize  expenditures  ;  to  examine  vouchers  ;  to  count 
securities  and  inspect  the  records. 

The  uninterrupted  progress  of  the  Society  during  the 
past  twenty-three  years  gives  the  best  possible  guarantee 
that  a  present  investment  with  the  Equitable  will  prove 
of  more  value  than  with  any  other  company. 

H.   B.    HYDE,  President. 

VICE-PRESIDENTS  : 

James  W.  Alexander,  Samuel  Borrowe. 

William  Alexander,  Secretary. 

E.  \V.  Scott,  Superintendent  of  Agencies. 


Wm.  D.  Garland 

MANAGER, 

2  4  0       Montgomery      Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 
£5T  Liberal  contracts  made  with  Agents. 


This  line  has  always  Btood  in  the  first  rank  with  Call- 
fornians  and  ha-  «mi  ri--i  I  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent. 

IF   YOU   SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Central  Pacific  R.  Et.,from  San  Franciscoto 
OGDEN,  and  the  Denver  &  Rio  Grande  R.  I!.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot  at   Denver  with   the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
"BURLINGTON   ROUTE,"  either  via  KanBas  City  or 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  first- 
class  style.      If  you  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  in 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific   It.  R's,  from 
San  Francisco  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the   Grand   Union   Depot  with   the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the    "BURLINGTON    ROUTE," 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.     If  you  select  the   Southern   Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific   and   Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  and  Union 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,   CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &   QUINCY 
Short   Line   in    the   Grand    Union  Depot  at   KANSAS 
CITY;   and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arri/al   at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the   Eastern   Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to   passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Harper's;    Ferry,    famous  Horse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  of  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all   that   is   most   gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's   end,  besides  being  assured   of  all  that  is 
luxurious   in    traveling    across    the  continent  from   the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  BOSTON. 

All  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this  line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  •BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quincy  R.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Rail- 
road in  the  world  for  all  classes  of  travel. 


Important    to    Tourists    and    Visitors. 

Make  no  mistake.  Sec  MIC.  llrliAV,  at  his  new 
office,  &'&  Montgomery  Street,  before  malting  arrange- 
ments Tor  your  trip  arms*  the  confluent. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Car  Accommodations, 
Checking  your  Baggage,  and  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without  charge. 

Special  attention  gliown  to  Australian,  New  Zeu- 
ijinii.  t'blua  and  Japan  Passengers* 

T.  D.  McKAY, 

general  Hallway  anil  Steamship  Passenger  Agent. 

32    MONTGOMERY    STHEET, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


u 


THE    WASP. 


Some  very  singular  advertisements  appear  from 
time  to  time  in  the  newspapers.  One  of  the  most 
curious  has  lately  been  observed  in  a  Paris  paper, 
where  a  certain  "  Yankee  engineer, "  thus  addresses 
"  all  whom  it  may  concern  "  :  "Having  visited 
the  Leaning  Tower  at  Pisa,  Italy,  I  am  fully  con- 
vinced that  the  architectural  grandeur  and  beauty 
of  this  ancient  and  colossal  relic  of  past  ages  can  be 
wonderfully  improved.  I  hereby  offer  to  put  this 
immense  structure  in  a  perpendicular  position,  and 
raise  it  to  the  level  of  the  ground,  for  the  sum  of 
$600,000,  the  terms  of  payment  and  time  of  com- 
pletion to  be  agreed  upon  ;  the  time  not  to  exceed 
ninety  days." 


Col.  Higginson  thinks  that  George  Elliot,  if  she 
had  ever  held  a  dead  babe  in  her  arms,  would  have 
wanted  something  more  to  console  her  than  the 
philosophy  of  Herbert  Spencer.  It  is  likely  that 
Herb,  himself  would  have  about  filled  her  order 
under  those  circumstances. 


H  "      CEIEBBATEO  *  1^ 


W„  STOMACH  —  ^ 

bitters 


What  the  great  restorative, 
Hostetter's  Stomach  Bitters, 
will  do,  must  be  gathered 
from  what  it  has  done.  It 
has  effected  radical  cures  in 
thousands  of  cases  of  dyspep- 
sia, bilious  disorders,  inter- 
mittent fever,  nervous  affec- 
tions, general  debility,  con- 
stipation, sick  headache,  men- 
tal despondency,  and  the  pe- 
culiar complaints  and  disa- 
bilities to  which  the  feeble 
are  so  subject. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


Bell,  the  telephone  man,  is  worth  $4,000,000. 
This  fact  does  not  alleviate  the  suffering  of  the 
man  whose  spinal  column  twitches  in  spasms  and 
whose  under  jaw  rattles  out  all  the  adjectives  in 
the  encyclopedia  because  he  can't  make  the  fellow 
at  the  other  end  of  the  line  hear  what  he  says. 

A  book  agent  tried  to  sell  a  Cincinnati  Irishman 
a  copy  of  "  Hiawatha. "  Pat  looked  at  the  title  and 
then  at  the  canvasser.  "  Higher  wather,  is  it  l  " 
says  he,  "be  jabbers  the  wather  in  these  diggin's 
is  quoite  high  enough,  me  b'y,  for  any  dacent  mon. 
So  be  off  wid  yez  !  " 


Sermons  at  funerals  are  growing  more  and  more 
infrequent ;  but  to  the  lay  mind  a  good  long  ser- 
mon over  the  dead  seems  more  appropriate  than  at 
any  other  time.     -  • 


The  shark's  complaint  :  "  Odds  fish,  what  luck  ! 
Here  I  have  been  following  this  ship  for  five  hours 
and  all  that's  tumbled  overboard  is  an  empty  sar- 
dine box." 


I*' J*  **  '*in  uow  Rrasp  a  fortune.  Chit- 
\  A  »%  ut  worth  $-10  tree.  Address  E.  G. 
I  3  ^#RIDEOTJTiCO.,10BarclaySt.,N.F 


EQUITABLE  LIFE   ASSURANCE  SOCIETY. 

In  another  column  will  be  found  the  twenty-third  an- 
nual statement  of  the  Equitable  Life  Assurance  Sooiety. 
We  have  never  seen  an  exhibit  of  a  life  insurance  company 
of  such  dimensions  and  such  healthy  prosperity.  The 
total  assets  of  the  Society  on  December  31st,  1882,  were 
S48,025,750  86,  of  which  §11,289,129  was  in  bonds  and 
mortgages,  §11,051,371  in  United  States  stocks,  State 
stocks  and  City  stocks,  810,417, 000  loans  secured  by  bonds 
and  stocks  oT  the  market  value  of  $13,291,618.  A  detailed 
statement  of  these  loans  and  the  securities  upon  which 
they  are  made  is  filed  with  the  Society's  report  in  the  In- 
surance Department,  and  is  open  to  the  inspection  of  the 
policy-holders.  The  assets  have  increased  more  than  S3, 
700,000  during  the  past  year.  The  income  foi  the  year 
was  811,879,171,41,  of  which  §8,922,369  08  was  for  premi- 
ums ;  $5,977,541  56  were  paid  to  policy  holders.  The 
total  amount  paid  policy  holders  since  the  organization  of 
the  Society  is  §67,889,576  55.  The  new  assurances  writ- 
ten in  1882  were  §62,262,272,  which  is  said  to  exceed  the 
largest  business  ever  done  by  any  company  in  one  year. 


AMUSEMENTS, 

German    Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte  Geneb 


CLOSE      OF       THE      SEASON! 


SUNDAY,    ---      -    APRIL  29th, 

With  kind  permission  of  Manager  McCaull,  last  ap- 
pearance of  the  eminent  soubrette, 
MATHILDE         COTTRELLY, 
In  her  most  celebrated  part  as  "  Lottce  Gries- 
meyer  "  in  the  great  farce,  with  songs, 

The    Seamstress. 

F.    URBAN,    as    "  Leopold   Hoch." 
&ST  Last  Performance  of  the  Season. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Ereling  Bbos Proprietors  and  Managers 

First  week  and  great  success  of  Nicolai's  Comic 
Fantastic  Opera,  in  three  acts, 

MERRY     WIVES     OF     WINDSOR; 

Or,   FALSTAFF. 

gST  First  English  production. 


ARTISTIC     PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain     and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 


Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  oymail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGHES, 

51 1    Snnsonie    Street,    Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


Rollin  P.  Saxe,  ! 

218  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,   CAL. 
Importer,  Breeder,  Exporter  and  Commission  Merchant  in  all  kinds  of 

Live   Stock. 


Berkshire  Swine  a  specialty. 


Correspondence  solicited. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

^  Steamer  of  this  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
g  Wharf,  San  Fninrisw,  lor  porta  in  California,  Ore- 
■  eon,  Washington,  and  Idaho  Territories,  British 
»  Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 
(all  Torn  In  Southern  COUI  Ruule.  The  Steamers  OK1- 
2ABA   and    ANCON   Bail    every  flvedayaat   9  a.  m.   for   San    Luia 


Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angeles  and  San  Diego,  as  follows 
ORIZABA,  10th.  20th  and  30th  of  each  month.  ANCON,  5th,  Lfitta 
and  *25th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  L08  ANGELES  Bails  even 
Wednesday  at  8  a.  m.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Montcrev,  Sin  Sinu-.-.n  i:,t\"- 
ucoe,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbura  and  San  Buenaventura. 

b..?^11"11  fo,Ml,lu  nn«"  Aliwkn  Route.  —Steamship 
fc.UKfc.KA,  carrying  U.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  W.  T.,  Vic- 
toria, and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  Harrisburg, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Pugct 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  and  Pncel  Sound  Knutc.  -  The  SteamersGEO.  W. 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Brittanie  Majesty's  and  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  2  p.  m. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Caasiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Vale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant point-.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
P.  M.  op  the  9th,  lot*:  and  29th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  a.  m.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
[Note.— When  Sunday  falls  on  the  10th,  20th  30th,  steamers  sail 
from  San  Francioco  one  day  earlier,  and  from  Sound  port-  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  stated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
aaila  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alta  or  Guidr. 

Portland,  Oregon.  Route.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Struct  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  OUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Express,  every'  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  a.  h.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  Humboldt  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHLSTEK  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Po,i»t  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

EHtabUHlicd  ......  i85g 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent   Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

9  45     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  20  per  cenl.  lower  Hum  any  other  House  on 
the    t'oast. 

tS~  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SS 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  $450,000 

German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg.  .        "  350,000 

Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  T.,   -    "  435,000 

Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       .       —       -       "  141,000 
Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRAN0IS0O,  OAL. 

Morris  &   Kennedy 

19  and  2i   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


THE       S  C  E  N  I  C       LINE. 

SOUTH  PACIFIC  COAST  R.  R. 


Oakland,     llaninlu,    Vcwurk,    San     .!«■.«•.    Lu*   CaUM, 
Glenwooda  Felton,   i»K  Trcei  and  Santa  Cm. 

Oh  Tl  Kl  SL-1  K  SCENKUY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  HI*:  TREES  ; 
■*■  Santa  Clara  Valk-v,  M<mu-re\  r.  ■  ■ .  r'ortj  n  '■■-  shorter  to 
SANTA  CRt'Z  than  anv  other  route,  No  change  of  ears :  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  bed  rirwt-.laH*.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  .Market  street  BOl  in  BIDB,  at 

8mOf\  A-  M.,  daily,  West  San  Lorenzo,  West  San  Leandro,  Rum- 
■  UU  Bells,  Mt.  Eden,  Alvanulo,  Halls,  Newark,  CeiiN-nille, 
UOWim  AlvlsOj  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Loh  Gates, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland, Glonwood,  lion^hertvs,  Felton  BigTrcun 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  i-j  M.      Parlor  cat 

2  .Ofl  P.  M.  (Sundays  ex.  .i.t.dj,  Express:  Ht  Eden,  Alvarado, 
■OU  Newark,  Centcrvjjle,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clam,  SAN 
JOSE,  Los  Gatos  and  every  station  to  SANTA  CHIIZ.  inlying 
6:16  P.  H.     Parlor  ear. 

4iQ||  P-  M.  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE,  Lob  Gates  and 
•  OXJ   n\    '  ■■■■  -  i i i  .i    stations. 
All   Sundays,  A  Specliil  Passenger  Train  Leaves  San  Jose 
UN       at  6:25  1*.  M.,  arriving  at  San  FranciBco,  8:30. 

EXCURSIONS   TO   SANTA   CRUZ  AND    #2.50  TO  SAN 
Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

(JjQ  Excursions  to  BIC  TREES  and  SANTA  CRUZ,  k.vkhv 
•TQ       Sunday,   8:80  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    ALAMEDA. 

§6:30— 7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.M.  1112:30—1:30—2:80— 
3:30— 1:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:67 
—§6:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52-10:52-Ull:52  A.  M.  12:52-1:52—2:62 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M.     Sundays  only,  7:52  P.  M. 

From  nigh  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §6":45— 7*:45— 8:36—  9:35 
—10:35—1111:35  A.  M.  12:35— 1:35— 2:35— 3:35— 4:35— 5:35— 6:35 
—10:05  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     U  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. " 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  282  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

April  22d.         Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


DR.THOMAS  HALL'S 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELr    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  "strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  mediexl  qualities  excels  anv 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
Bret  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

j^FFor  sale  evervwiii.-rc  thrmughout'the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


CARDS 


New  Stiles:  Hold  JJcvzkd  Mdge  and 
Chroma  Visiting  <  'arda  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  und  lowest  prices,  50 

cltromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

utttheachorder.  uuhtoa  linos,  a,  Cu.,<;iiutuuviUetConiL 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AN1»  

Oregon    Railway    and    Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE   and  VARIED  ROUTES  OF  RIVER 
and  Rail  Transportation  penetrate  all  sections  61  the  Pacific 
Northwest,  and  form  din-.  |  . 

i  n  ili«-  Colombia    To  the  Dall.  g,  Unral  ton.  Walla 

WnJIa,   Dayton,  the   Pal  un    Country,  Snake   RJvef   Po 
Lewiston  ; 

ipiin-  ivn«l  d'OrelUe  Division— To Ainswprth, Cheney, 
Bpraguo,  Spokane  Falls,  Like  Pond  d'Orellle,  and  all  points  in 
Northern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

Dp  ibe  WJJIamett«  Vallej    To  Oregon  City.Sn 

tin  beautiful  oountry  ol  Southern  Oregon  ; 

i»""  ii  i he  *  oimiiiiiu    Through  the  most  pictun 
ry  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  I'oiutH. 

Over  lo  i'u-i(  Sound  To  Tacoma,  01ynapia,*Soattle,  Port 
Townsend,  Victoria  and  BelinghamBaj  isoction  i  irivaledfor 
its  delightful  climate  and  dharmtng  prospects. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dully  Stage*  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  BFork  DiNision, 
direct  for  MlhHouia  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Supt  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
Sim  FmnclKeo  office— 214  .Montgomery  St. 

(863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of   defective   vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^•AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. .« 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

....AGENTS    FOR.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


T/fc"»3a; 


<( 


OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES"- 


Round  and  Pressed 

cig^rett^;.  " 


Pure,  Mild," 
Fragrant  and  Sweet." 


.  ALLEN  k  GINTER, 


H  E  f|  AILOR 


POPULAR    TA'LQIi! 

Men's  and  Boys' 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


Men's    Furnishing     Coods. 
CHOICE  woolen        JJ_  Ready-Made  Chthing.  And  Fancy  Ueckwear. 

Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.  816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  FraueisCO. 


NEW 

EN8LAND 
BAKING 
POWDER 


SIBERIAN    ZB-A-LS-^IM: 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold-,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 


Dlllir.    415    MONTGOMERY    STREET. 


For  sale  hy  all  Druggist* 


B. 


its'  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 

WILLOWS    BREWERY. 


ATKINS    MASSE Y, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

M  ASSE  Y     &     YUNG, 
Ho.    ll'.l    SACRAMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


Cream  Tartar  anfl  Bi-Cart  Sola 
NOTHING  ELSE 

HewtonBros.  ft  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


KOII1.1K  A.  CHASE,  1.17  to  139  Post  St., 

Solo  Agents  lor  the  Celebrated 

DeckerBro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
FISCHER  and  Ike  EMERSON  rhino... 
Cash  or  installments.    Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 

H.  R.  Williar,  Jr.  A  Carlmlb. 

A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


226 


CALIFORNIA     STKLET, 

San    Francisco 


AN 
xtraordinary     Razor 

[as    BEEN  INVENTED    BY  THE    QUEEN'S 
I  OWN  CO.  of  England.     The  edge  and  body 
lo  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
RE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.     It 
4cs  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
iving  quite  a  luxury.    It   iB   CREATING    A 
CAT    EXCITEMENT    in    Europe  among  the 
|>erts,     who      pronounce     it     PERFECTION, 
io  dollars    in    buffalo    handle;    S3    in    ivory, 
pry  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
Ferae  side  the  name  of  NATHAN    JOSEPH, 
i  Clay  street,  San   Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
■  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.     Trade 
ppiied ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  O.  D. 
fhe  Queen's  Own  Company  having  cn- 
,'ed  their  factory-,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
DRY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
JIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS  of 
fi  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
,ZUK. ^^ 

nAWICHEFTP 

L--f  Kid  Gloves  -*- 

JLWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

i  Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

It  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


-*^o—   - 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Dewecse,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 

C.   II.    Moore, 

O  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

El.  B.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny.  Sun  Francisco, 


THE   NEVADA  BANK 


OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  B.  Usderliill,  jR.,Sec'y. 
Prentiss  Selby,  Sup  t.  _~ 

Selby    Smelting    and    Lead    Go. 

.        .,       .   «.„,   R^7lc-»nM»RLeaZ  Solder,  Antl-Frlction  Metal,  lead 

Office,   416   Montgomery  .Street.  Purchased. 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion. 


Capital  Paid  Up    "    • """-         93,000.000 
Reserve  11.  S.  Bonds    -       -     4,500,000 

Agency  at  New  York  62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia.  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  irr 
Bullion. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

BOLB   AOBNTS   FOR 

"COLD  DUST"    WHISKEY 

413    <*lay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


w 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

HITE    ROSE    FLOTTIR 


MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

SS-  See  loeal  notice  In  another  column, 


PianoS 


Ohiciering  &  Sons.Boston ;  Blulhner.Leipzlg; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;   G.  ScUwochten, 

Berlin. __..,— 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  SL 

NEAR  MARKET.  SaN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  J.  Palmer. 


Valentink  Rbt. 


««-r>TT>       KENTPCKY       WHIK1?F.Y.tll 


CEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

I.   D.    SPRECKELS    &    BBO'S, 
8SJ    Market    Street, 

OWNERS  OF 

jipreckeis'Line   of   Packets 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu, 


^__ NAdUd 


THE  BEST  \ 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUR 
Druggist  or  Grocer 


PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  ofPrlntlng  and  Lithographing 

IE3  IR  HUSSIES 

And      Material.  . 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wareroom  s,  405&  407  SansomeSt.  S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  ol 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


■3-nrPOT.  423  and  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO."** 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

SD0GES8'  BS     TO 

Craig   ai  d   Son, 

TJNDE  RTAKERS 

Arid   embalmeks, 
22  &  28  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 

All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  3047. 


DRINO^AIXSMrLWAUKEE   BEER. 


KS-HARDWOOD   LUMBER- 


.    John 

139  |to    117    SPEAK 


W  i^more, 

STREET,    SAN    FRANCISCO. 

■MB 


POANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-  -Popular  Dry  goods  Housa-132  Kearny  St-A 


TO  LEASE. 


A  good  paying  Route  on 
this  paper.  A  chance  for  the 
right  man  to  make  a  good  liv- 
ing. The  lessee  must  have  no 
other  business  nor  carrj  on 
Routes  for  other  papers,  and 
must  be  sober  and  industrious. 

Apply  at  this  office  fur  in- 
formation . 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.   0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whcopirg  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal . 


TAEENTINB    HASSMEE,    933  Washington  S»J,  tor.  Powell,  8.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    SETTER    STREET. San  Fraidwo,   f«l. 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers    of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  I  LLIFOBM-l    STREET, gan  Franri.ro. 

JHO.  P.  LOHSE,  Sec'j.  Mills  at  Santo  Crut  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

8I.2M.0C  > 

HOME  OFPICEc 

3.  W,  Oor.  California  and  Stmeome  St& 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CA1_ 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alfreds  Bull,  Vice-President 
Wm.  J.  DoTTON,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Cabfenteb,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED." $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters.  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;      :      ;   $3eo,<K»  oo. 

0FF1CEK8— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres.;  Ed.  E  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—L  Steinhart,  R  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  R  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  R  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of   London. 
400  <  ALIFOR.MA  STREET,  S.  P. 


S.J.  PEMBROKE,  v***™**"*^^*^  8^^Pg^ArtM«.Bni«rW**.  212  O'FARRELL  ST.,  ffiMSk 


it 


&  THING  ©F  BEAUTY  A  tJ©¥  F©RE¥ER, 


n 


DAMASCUS! 


EVERY 
CAN  HAVE 

A  BEAUTHE 

C01LEM. 


VIEW  OF  OCR  LABORATORY  AND  THE  ANCIENT  CITY  OF  DAMASCUS. 

m  Bamaseus  and  Powder  Pamateiis  ggau|r@<trs. 

STODDART  BROS.  &G&L  CITY  LABORATORY,  400  GEARY  ST. 


*«^|        jrSfet         ^Y       ^ 


o 


'A 


t 


For 
Breakfast 

AND 

Lunch 

Go  to  the 
Sew    England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California  St. 


I!  CELEBRATED 

JlPACNE  WINES 

mtz  &  GuldermftD  Ay,  on  Champagne- 


111  t     BIANC- EKtru   Dry, 

In  casos  quarts  and  pints. 

BINET     GREEN      «:VL, 

n  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

>i  DX  BED   AND  WHITE   W  INKS, 

from  Meaars.  A  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     MINIS, 

M  rom  C.  M.  Pabstniann  Sohn,  Mainz. ' 


s  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importere  and  Sole  Agents, 
SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


ftVj 


u 


LpERLAXN  &  EOBINSON 

PBOPHIETOR6. 


[ACIFIC 

U     BUSINESS 
IQLLEGE. 


J32Q 


Post 

Street 


S.F 


:'.ND  FOR  CIRCULARS   | 


.eopold   Bro's 

OEIST 

3  POST  STREET,  below  Ream 
E  qnetB  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


VOL.  X. 


BAN    FKANOISCO,  MAY    6,    1883. 


No.  353. 


R  O  IE  D  E  R  K  R 

nampagne. 

Regular  Invoices  received  direct  from   Mr.    I  on  Is  Borden  r.  Ht-ims,  over  hie  signature  and 
Consular  Invokt'.]   Before  purchasing,  sec  thit  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  namo. 

MACONDRAY  &  CO      Bole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA   WINES,   Etc., 
114    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadvray).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT     nOLLAND    GIN, 

EUENCU       BKANHIEH, 

PORT,    SHERRY,     El.'. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,    Room    3,     San    Franclseo 


8 


S3T 


DRINK 


JFV 


ETHESDA 

■Vv^^TIEIR. 

AGENCY,  418  SACRAMENTO  ST.,  8.  F. 
For  Bale  at  all  Brat-class  SALOONS. 


Merchaat  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DUPONT. 
San   Francisco,   Cal. 

J.  SOHWABTZ.  SOU  ShII'PEE. 


James  Shea.         A.  Bocqueraz.         R.  MoKbe. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jackson   Streets, 
SAN     FRANCISCO. 


.     MARTIN     &    Co. 

Importers  find  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers 

••  HILTON    J.    HARBY,"  

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "  MILLER'S    EXTRA  " 

Old    Bonrbon    Whiskies." 
FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


408 


S  C  H  IITZ 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHAEDS    &    HARRISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.  Corner    SAS8QME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets.    San   Franelseo. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonlo  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANGE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  I*.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

DI^]sJOf|Hazelton  Bros 
First  Glass,   V  hallet  ^umston, 
-  Medium  Price,  A 


jiper  Heidsiect 

r     CHAMPACNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  St.,  San  Francisco, cal. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

C.     Z  I  N  1ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  ft  Montgomery  BCreel  (Masenll  Temple,, 

SAN    FRANCISCO 

is*  colton  ^m 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Qoa  specialists  for  extrai-tiiip  teeth  «l,lmni  pars.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    (..    8    and      i(. 

Entrant,  800  Market  BtrCet 

Dr.  «  II AS    H.    DECKEL     )>,;,, tw. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Pate  Ms, 

(American  and   Foreign,] 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honnhilu,  MeJUM 


I 


FULL    VALUE         I 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY.A#_ 


A.  M.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO.  ' 


&C0, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

•  LOR    MERCHANTS, 

B!  and  324  FRONT  STREET, 

FF  NCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 

as— g* 


O^PIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

PI  ng  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

and     13  3     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

<tu  to,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Solo  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Oo's 

^BUDWEISER  BEER*) 


WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IK 


;e§f| 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


FINE   OLD  TABLE   WINES. 


Houseworth  V 

Photographs 

Tbe  IHgliest  Standard  off  EsecHcuee, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Slim     Maker, 


t&  Received  awards  of  CAVJK'OBNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY  ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Best  Work- 
manship. 


JIEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "Thr  snW. 


N  E.  Comer  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts» 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY   YOUR    SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


3E> 


,a 


<N 

aug 
us  © 

—  .24 

roo 

SCO 

<§ 

J!  8 


Eh 


'CD 

1 — 

CO* 

O 


oo 


OD 

s 

Oh 

-a  © 
§S 

Q    eS 

■  "Z,  -S 
<<   o> 

^  a, 

OD   ® 

— I    03 

S5  0 


GOAL  "« 
PIG  IRON. 

J.    MacDONOUGH    &    Co., 

Importers  and  dealers  in  all  kinds  of  Coal 
and    Pig  Iron 

41    MARKET   STREET, 

(Corner  Spear.)  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  MaoDonooqu. 


J.  C  Wilson- 


SAULM  ANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

3et.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisto. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakeB 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  OAV- 
IAR  and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
.Sausages.  A.  KEVSCHE. 

CHAMPAGNE! 

E»It  •'  MONOPOLY  (extra), 

L.  KOEDEKEK  (sweet  aad  dry), 
9IOET  A  CI1.1ADUS. 

I'BI  »li    CLICQUOT, 

For  sale  i>*     A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 

JOHN  WIELAND,    -     -    Proprietor 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
4^- Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 

No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 

Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
CHAM.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(OctTLIST.) 
FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
"  removed  to  Phelan'e  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  P.M.   ;  [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

\os.  114  and  110  Market  street, 
Noa.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt 
D.  A.  M  tcito  VU.D,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

31 J  to  225  Spear  St.,  318  to  336  Stuart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Gal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant 
THE   HANDSOMEST  MNING-BOOM 

In  the  World. 
« m.    F.  HARBISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUKAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 

WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  8,  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
oard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co. 
Nich.  Ashton  &  Son'a  Fait. 


olters  Brothers&Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  1a 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street,  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Danhrl  Hknry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  fa 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

2J  and  89  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Dramm,    ■     ■    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  CRANCISCOOTOCK  gREWEEY 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 


?  P  ?  ?  ?  ?  ? 

OUK  LASER  BEER  BREW- 
ED  BT  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  TN   ANT  OLIMATR. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary. 


(S^iKui  $avm\$\Aj  t  ®a>. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

Bt7"Ndne  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Label  and  Cork  ^t 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St.,  San  Francisco. 

A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


M 

Q 


Gold  Seal 

i  ^mlere    Quail'0' 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


OH 
pi 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


KOHLER  a  FROHLING 

?f"  626  .iyiONTG.QMERY.ST.  a.  S.E.COR.  SUTTER  fi  D^QNI.SIJL.'^' 
"-         S.R         S^F 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  tbe   Pacific 

Coast. 

Office 

406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.        ^ 
809   JI<»T<.CHi;itV   St.,  San    Frnnelseo, 

H.    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 

OAK-TANNED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405     MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont!  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady     Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 

Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    C0.i| 

Hay,  Grain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  8. 1 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co 

IMPORTERS   OP 

IP  Jk.  IP   IE    ~B 


.  . OF    ALL     KINDS. 

41;!  and  415  Sansome  St.- 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Bcflnery,  Eighth  and  Brannan  street! 

OLAUS  8PRE0KEL8 Preside! 

3.  D.  8PRE0KELS Vlce-Preldei 

A.  B.  8PRE0KELB Becretai 


THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery 

HAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  aim>LPHE  LOW,  Presided! 
Office— SOS  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 

SH^STANDARD  LEATHER  "BILTINGT^-  S-^SfiLi^' 


MAR 


CVOL.  10. 


y«?3  53 


£W/?/-/)  />r  r%--  /vsr W/i-f  jr ^/?.VfW/yc/scc>  M.  J,V0  Jm/rrff  /V/?  T/i'j/ysM.'s-Sta//  7-////0(/6t  TVS  tfrf/ts  4r  SfCO/V0  0./9SS  frfrss 


mm 


1? 


HOME  AGAIN. 


THE    WASP 


FOGG'S    COMPLIMENT. 


The  Gossiper  mansion  was  blazing  with  light, 
And  Fashion  and  Folly  were  both  at  their  height  ; 
The  ladies,  en  train  and  in  dresses  decollete, 
With  masculine  clawhammers  chatted  frivolity, 
While  kind  hearted  matrons  from  snug  situations 
Engaged  in  dissecting  their  friends'  reputations. 
Old  Bachelor  Fogg,  who  was  gouty  and  gruff, 
And  parties  frequented  to  "  guzzle  and  stuff  " 
(As  the  dames  who  invited  him  kindly  remarked) 
In  this  ocean  of  splendor  had  barely  embarked 
When,  meeting  his  hostess,  she  playfully  vowed 
She'd  need  his  assistance  to  get  through  the  crowd, 
And  had  an  idterior  object  beside  : 
She  hoped  he  would  pardon  her  motherly  pride, 
But  she  wished  to  acquaint  Mr.  Foggwith  her  girl, 
Her  juvenile  darling,  her  innocent  pearl. 
So  leading  our  hero  she  threaded  the  throng 
And  hailed  a  young  woman  whose  train  was  so  long 
That  Fogg  stumbled  o'er  it  and  inwardly  swore, 
As  he  barely  avoided  a  fall  on  the  floor. 
Then  materfamilias  on  kindliness  bent  : 

"  Ah  this,  Mr.  Fogg,  is  the  maiden  I  meant — 
My  youngest  and  fairest,  the  pride  of  my  heart, 
Unskilled  in  coquetry,  untrammeled  by  art. 
Now  none  of  your  compliments  to  her,  I  pray  ; 
She's  only  a  baby,  I'm  happy  to  say." 
To  which  replied  Fogg,  with  an  imbecile  grin  : 

"  I  should  gather  as  much  from  the  long  clothes  she's  in 

— Bysshe. 

Son  Francisco,  April  25.  1SS3. 


LITTLE    JOHNNY. 


Various  Anecdotes  of   His   Home   Life  and  Experiences. 


tryin  for  to  remember  some  thing,  and  after  a  wile 
he  spoke  up  an  sed,  "  Seems  to  me  I  sailed  out  of 
Liverpool  with  that  chap  once,  and  blast  my  top- 
lites  if  he  wasent  swearin  drunk  and  raisen  hel  all 
the  way  to  New  York;  Dident  he  have  a  red  Ag- 
ger head  and  wear  green  gig  lamps  ?  " 

Then  Mister  Pitchel  he  said  he-  gessed  it  was  a 
other  man. 

An  now  lie  tel  you  a  little  story.  Once  there 
was  a  feller  dide  wich  had  no  friends,  and  the 
dock  tors  thay  sed,  "  We  wil  dig  up  that  chappy  for 
to  cut  him  up  with  our  kanives,  and  saw  his  bones, 
and  make  him  into  a  skalliton  for  our  show.''  But 
the  under  taker,  he  herd  em,  and  so  he  under  took 
a  hornets  nest  in  sted  of  the  ded  feller.  Wen  the 
dockters  thay  had  dug  up  the  cougfihn  that  night, 
they  stude  round  it  wile  the  boss  docter  opened  it 
and  put  both  hands  in  for  to  get  a  good  holt  on  the 
dead  feller's  neck,  but  the  hornets  was  ready  for 
him  and  come  a  bilin  out  and  let  em  all  have  it 
mity  hot. 

Bime  by  the  dockters  was  ol  back  in  the  collidge, 
with  their  haods  and  faces  tide  up  in  arnicky  and 
their  eyes  sweld  shet,  and  wen  thay  had  got  their 
breaths  the  boss  dockter  he  stude  up  and  sed,  "  My 
objeck  in  the  pose  mortum  esamin  wich  we  have 
jest  concluded  was  to  show  you  young  fellers  that 
there  is  certin  cases  when  it  aint  no  use  for  to  dose 
the  sickster,  cos  the  disease  don't  brake  out  until 
after  deth.  Sech,  you  wil  observ,  is  the  fact  in  the 
case  of  a  patient  wich  has  swollered  a  wops  nest. 
The  clas  is  dismist. " 

But  you  ot  to  see  me  an  little  Sammy  Doppy  play 
funeril,  cos  Sammy  h«  is  the  corpse,  and  I  shuvels 
mud  unto  him,  wile  Billy,  wich  is  the  preecher,  he 
says  "  Blessed  is  the  dead  wich  dies  in  the  Lord, 
for  they  shall  get  fits  wen  they  go  home.'"' 

San  Franctsro,  "kpril  SO,   1S88. 


the  interior  of  a  railroad  tunnel,  through  which 
you  will  perceive  a  train  is  passing  slowly  ?  " 

"  Exquisite  !  "Very  fine,  indeed  !  "  says  one  of 
the  company,  "  but  what  makes  you  say  that  the 
train  is  passing  through  slowly  ?  " 

"  Because,  sir,"  says  the  father,  acutely,  "  if  it 
had  been  running  rapidly  it  would  have  been  out 
of  the  tunnel  long  ago  ;  don't  you  see  1  " 


One  time  there  was  a  ole  cow,  and  wile  she  was 
out  of  her  paster  the  man  wich  owned  her  he  put 
up  a  pump,  and  wen  the  ole  cow  come  back  there 
was  the  pump,  real  pretty  and  painted  red  like 
wagons.  The  ole  cow  she  luked  a  wile,  and  the 
pump  it  was  so  pretty  that  she  fel  into  love  with  it, 
jest  like  my  sister's  young  man,  only  not  any  candy 
and  no  settin  up  nights.  So  the  ole  cow  she  went 
up  to  the  pump  and  tuke  the  hannel  in  her  teeths 
for  to  shake  hands.  Wen  the  ole  cow  she  shuke, 
then  the  water  it  begun  for  to  drip  out  of  the 
pumps  spowt.  Then  the  ole  cow  she  sed,  "  Its 
mity  nice  of  you  to  be  fected  to  tears  by  this  meet- 
in,"  and  was  real  happy. 

The  man  wich  owned  the  cow  he  sole  milk  for  a 
livin,  and  he  sed  to  his  little  boy,  "  I  been  on  the 
luke  out  ol  my  born  life  for  a  breed  of  cows  wich 
wude  give  milk  and  water.  I  gess  if  we  leav  these 
lovin  soles  to  gather  and  let  nature  take  her  cource 
we  wil  have  bout  the  right  kind  after  a  wile  and 
get  our  bisness  pretty  wel  in  hand." 

One  day  me  and  Billy,  we  seen  old  Gaffer  Peter- 
ses  bell  cow  a  goin  home  for  to  be  milk  and  Billy 
he  sed,  "Johnny,"  and  I  said  wot  did  he  want. 
Then  Billy  he  sed  a  other  time,  "  Johnny,  I  bet 
you  dassent  sucker. " 

So  I  went  up  to  sucker,  and  the  cow  she  set  back 
her  ni  hine  leg  for  to  give  me  a  good  sho,  but  wile 
I  was  a  suckin  her  she  see  old  Gaffer  a  comiu  with 
a  pale  of  slops,  and  she  started  for  the  slops,  and  I 
was  kanocked  over  and  roled  on  the  ground  and 
bellered  wild.  Then  Billy,  which  was  always 
playin  he  was  the  conduckter  of  a  street  car,  he 
sed,  "I  gess  you  got  a  good  case  for  dammidges, 
cos  she  started  with  out  givin  two  taps  onto  the 
gong. " 

Jack  Briley,  wich  is  the  wicked  sailer,  he  says 
th«re  is  sech  things  as  sea  cows,  and  Uncle  Ned  he 
says  he  speses  that  a  counts  for  the  creamy  whaves 
wich  the  story  fellers  rwites  about.  But  if  I  was 
a  sea  cow  I  wude  rather  be  a  dry  land  feller,  and 
stand  in  the  meddo,  and  swoller  my  cud  and  fetch 
it  up  again,  and  wisk  my  tail  and  moo  like  distent 
thunder,  cos  the  cow  is  the  king  of  beests. 

One  time  Jack  Briley  he  was  over  to  our  house, 
and  he  was  a  tellin  yarns  like  every  thing,  and 
Mister  Pitchel,  thats  the  preecher,  he  come  in  and 
Jack  he  didn't  kanow  him  and  went  rite  on  a  tellin 
one  wopper  after  a  other.  Mister  Pitchel  he  lis- 
sened  a  long  wile  and  dident  say  nothing  ;  but 
bime  by  he  luked  reel  sollem  out  of  his  eys  and  he 
sed,  Mister  Pitchel  did,  "  My  young  frend,  wudent 
you  like  to  go  to  a  place  were  there  ain't  no  sorry, 
nor  sin,  nor  any  kind  of  sufftin  1  " 

Jack  he  thot  a  wile,  and  then  he  sed,  "  Wots  the 
name  of  the  ship  ?  "  and  Mr.  Pitchel  he  said  it  was 
the  Sal  Vationt  Captin  Mes3iar. 

Then  Jack  he  skratched  his  hed  like  he  was  a 


LA     CREME    DES     CHR0N1QUES, 


Translated    from     the     Parisian     Journals     for     the    "  N. 
Y.     World." 


A  golden  dude  is  reproached  by  the  too 
credulous  tailor  who  has  clothed  him  for  a  year  or 
more  without  seeing  the  color  of  the  dude's  money  : 

"I  had  so  much  confidence  in  you,"  says  the 
tailor  ;  '*  I  trusted  you  so  implicitly." 

"  And  have  I  abused  your  confidence  ?"  asks  the 
dude,  indignantly.  "  Did  I  ever  recommend  one 
of  my  friends  to  deal  with  you  ?  " 


"  Waiter,  this  fish  is  not  fresh  !  " 

"  Well,  sir,  perhaps  it  isn't,  sir — quite  possible, 
sir  !  " 

"  What  !  in  a  restaurant  like  this  ?  " 

!'  Why,  certainly,  sir  !  You  see  the  boss  can't 
always  be  on  hand  when  they  catch  the  fish  !  " 

Anecdote  of  the  late  Dr.  Lasegue,  a  famous 
specialist  in  insanity  cases. 

One  day  a  lady  brought  her  husband,  whom  she 
wished  to  have  committed  to  an  asylum,  for 
examination. 

"  Well,  doctor,"  said  she,  with  visible  im- 
patience, "  what  do  you  think  of  his  case  1  " 

u  Madame,"  said  the  doctor  politely,  "I  must 
say  that  while  there  is  some  hope,  there  is,  as  yet, 
no  legal  presumption  !  " 

Two  young  animal  painters  are  discussing  their 
latest  productions. 

"  I  had  quite  a  talent  for  bull-dogs,"  says  one, 
"  but  I've  had  to  give  up  painting  'em.  You  see, 
it  was  such  an  infernal  bore  to  have  to  keep  the  live 
dogs  from  springing  on  my  painted  dogs  and  tear- 
ing them  to  pieces." 

"  I  had  rather  a  gift  for  bull-dogs,"  says  his  com- 
panion, "  but  I  had  to  give  up  painting  them.  It 
was  too  much  trouble  to  keep  the  dogs  from  spring- 
ing out  of  my  pictures  and  tearing  the  living  ani- 
mals to  pieces  I  " 

In  the  garden  of  the  Tuileries. 
Master  Toto,  aged  ten,    approaches   Miss   Lili. 
aged  eight,  who  is  jumping  the  rope. 
"  Lend  me  your  rope,"  says  Toto. 
"  Yes  if  you  will  give  me  your  barley-sugar." 
"  Afterwards." 
"  No  ;  before.     Oh,  I  know  you  men." 


The  jovial  village  curate,  as  each  dish  is  brought 
to  the  table,  cries  joyously  to  the  other  guests  : 

"  My  friends,  this  is  a  thing  we  should  take  wine 
with  ! '" 

This  goes  on  from  the  soup  to  the  dessert,  the 
excellent  cure!  meanwhile  living  up  to  his  own  ad- 
vice, so  that  finally  one  of  the  company  says  :  "  I 
beg  your  pardon,  sir,  but  is  there  anything  we 
oughtn't  to  take  wine  with  }  " 

"  There  is,  my  son.'' 

"  What  1 :' 

"  Water  !  "  replies  the  good  ecclesiastic,  filling 
his  glass  again. 


A  fond  and  proud  parent  is  showing  a  work  of 
art  by  his  daughter  to  the  delighted  company. 
"  This  crayon  drawing,"  he  says,    "  represents 


A  large,  stout,  ruddy-faced  man  entered  a  res- 
taurant on  Broadway,  nearReade  street,  yesterday 
afternoon  and  took  a  seat  opposite  the  cashier's 
desk.  After  he  had  been  served  he  noticed  that 
no  napkin  had  been  given  him.  Turning  around 
he  saw  the  colored  waiter  leaning  against  a  pillar  in 
the  center  of  the  room. 

"  Have  you  a  District  Telegraph  signal  here  ?  | 
asked  the  customer  of  the  cashier. 

**  Yes,  sir." 

"  Please  ring  it." 

The  cashier  turned  the  crank,  the  messenger-boy 
arrived  within  a  minute  and  waB  told  who  wanted 
him. 

* '  See  that  waiter  leaning  against  the  post  down 
there  ?  "  said  the  man  to  the  boy. 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Go  to  him  and  ask  him  for  a  napkin  for  me." 

The  boy  did  as  he  was  told.  The  colored  wait- 
er's eyeballs  rolled  up  as  big  as  saucers.  He  eyed, 
the  boy  and  finally  ejaculated  :  "Go  'bout  yer 
bissness,  chile — go  'long,  I  say.  You  chillen  tote- 
too  much  sass  long  wid  dem  ere  uniforms." 

However,  the  customer  finally  got  his  napkin. — 
N.  T.  World. 


"  That  off-hors6  seems  to  be  lame,"  said  a  pas- 
senger upon  a  steam-heated  Second  avenue  car- 
front  platform  to  the  driver,  the  other  morning. 

"  The  gray  wan,  ye   mane  /  "  interrogated  the- 
driver. 
■   "  Yes." 

"Faix  that  ain't  the  off-horse,  it  is  the  nigh 
one." 

"  Excuse  me,"  politely  answered  the  passenger, 
"  but  I'm  left  handed." — The  Jmlye. 


An  Austin  justice  found  a  negro  guilty  of  assaultr 
and  addressed  him  as  follows  :  "  I  shall  either  fine 
you  ten  dollars  and  costs,  or  send  you  to  jail  for 
ten  days."  "  For  heaven's  sake,  your  honor,"  ex- 
claimed the  young  lawyer  who  was  the  prisoner's- 
attorney,  "  don't  impose  a  fine  on  the  man.  Just 
send  him  to  jail.  Don't  rob  him  of  his  money. 
I've  not  got  my  fee  from  him  yet,    and  it's  almost 

rent  day." 

— = »  ^  » 

A  man  up  town  made  a  wager  with  a  lady  that 
he  could  thread  a  needle  quicker  than  she  could 
sharpen  a  lead  pencil.  The  man  won  ;  time,  14 
minutes  and  40  seconds.  It  is  thought  the  result 
would  have  been  different  if  the  woman  had  not 
run  out  of  lead  pencil  inside  of  five  minutes.  — Norr. 
Herald. 


The  sessions  of  State  legislatures  all  over  the 
country  are  opened  with  religious  exercises  and 
many  devout  people  are  in  consequence  beginning 
to  doubt  the  efficacy  of  prayer. 


"  This  is  running  all  my  hopes  into  the  ground," 
said  the  old  girl,  as  she  stood  weeping  beside  the 
grave  of  the  man  to  whom  she  was  engaged  to  be 
married. 

A  Sunday  school  boy  who,  when  asked  by  his 
teacher  what  made  the  tower  of  Pisa  lean,  replied  : 
"On  account  of  the  famine  in  the  land." 


An  Iowa  editor  who  was  asked  by  a  correspond- 
ent :  "  Do  hogs  pay  ?  "  has  looked  over  his  sub- 
scription list  and  declared  that  they  do  not. 


THE     WASP. 


THE     CONDUCTOR'S    STORY. 


"All  aboard  for  Lone  Mountain  ' 

was  no  suggestion  of    sadness    in  the  voice 
i|  the  conductm    as    lie    mi  eh  inicall  |   ul  tered  the 
usual  call  at  the  corner  of  Turk  and  Taylor  streets. 
It  was  a  quarter  past  II  o'clock  on  Saturday  night, 
and  the  car  was  loaded  to  the   platform  steps  witu 
perspiring  people  from  the  theaters. 
•'  Ml  aboard  for  Lone  Mountain 
Again  he  shouted  the  lugubrious    invitation,  but 
there  ,vas  im  response.      Perhaps  the  corpse  wasn 
ready.     The  bell  raug   and  the  car  started  forward 
.it  a  rate  considerably  slower   than  that  "f  the  a\ 
erage  funeral  procession. 

Oh,  ray!'  exclaimed  a  nervous  young  woman 
in  a  poke  bonnet,  "  ]  hope  we  ain't  going  to  the 
jiaveyard  to-night.  That  conductor's  call  is  too 
itt.-ili  awful!  It  makes  me  shudder!''  and  she 
suddlcd  closer  to  the  dude  who  sucked  his  cane  at 
fiexside. 

•' He  might  make    it   more  cheerful,  for  a  fact. 
wliquized  a  hard-featured  man  buried  in  a  shaggy 
lister.      "  He  might  vary  the  monotony  by  yelling 
All   aboard  for   the   Morgue!'  or  'Change  cars  for 
he  City  Prison!'  " 

"  But,"  interrupted  a  know-it-all  young  man 
n  silk  hat  and  eye-glasses,  "this  car  doesn't  go  to 
;hose  places." 

Neither  does  it  go  to  Lone  Mountain,"  growled 
;he  hard-featured  man.  "  It  stops  at  Post  and 
Filmore— about  a  dozen  blocks  this  side  the  cem- 
itaries.  The  conductor  merely  repeats  a  phrase 
landed  down  through  several  generations  of  his 
aredecessors.  No,  sir;  we're  not  booked  for  the 
eceiving  vault  to-night." 

By  this  time  the  car  had  almost  reached  Jones 
itreet.  The  conductor  had  performed  his  peripa- 
.etic  solo  on  the  bell-punch  at  five  cents  a  note; 
lie  passengers  whose  destination  was  beyond  Polk 
itreet  had  resigned  themselves  to  an  hour's  undis- 
urbed  repose;  and  the  nervous  woman  was  vainly 
rying  to  lay  her  poke  bonnet  on  the  shoulder  of 
he  dude  without  destroying  its  Castletonian  con- 
jur.  The  somnolent  silence  was  broken  only  by 
Tie  spasmodic  laughter  of  a  fawn-eyed  girl  and  her 
mtton-hole-boqueted  escort,  who  evidently  looked 
n  life  as  a  burlesque  played  expressly  for  their 
imusement.  In  hopes  of  a  more  congenial  atmos- 
here,  I  sought  the  seclusion  of  the  platform,  now de- 
lerted  by  all  save  the  conductor.  That  presumably 
ippressed  servant  of  a  presumably  heartless  corpo- 
ation  stood  braced  against  the  rail,  moodily  con- 
templating the  door-knob.  He  wore  a  dejected 
expression  and  a  cap  that  had  seen  better  days. 

We  were  now  toiling  up  the  slight  grade  to  Leav- 
snworth  street.  The  green  lights  of  the  car  gleamed 
ike  drug-store  windows  in  the  Cimmerian  darkness 
tnd  east  sickly  shadows  over  the  sleeping  passen- 
gers. I  looked  again  at  my  companion.  His  manner 
suggested  gentility  with  the  brake  on,  but,  evi- 
dently, he  had  not  entirely  succumbed  to  the  de- 
moralizing influence  of  his  surroundings.  Doubtless, 
he  had  seen  much  of  life  from  his  post  on  the  plat- 
form. A  question  sufficient  to  switch  him  on  to 
he  track  of  personal  reminiscence: 

"No;  I  don't  happen  to  have  had  many  adven- 
;ures  since  I've  been  on  the  Central.  Some  of  the 
wys  would  giveyouafill,butl'mnotthatsort.  Hold 
in,  though.  There  was  something  once.  But  that 
was  on  the  Geary  street  Cable.  No  matter '(  Well, 
then,  I'll  tell  you  about  it.  Maybe  you  know  her? 
ft  was  a  woman,  of  course.  There's  always  a  woman 
In  the  case.  This  woman  was  young;  not  over 
twenty,  I  should  say.  She  used  to  ride  on  the 
Uummy  every  fine  day,  and  always  took  a  transfer 
b,  the  Park.  Alone,  too;  sometimes  with  a  book, 
mt  oftener  with  a  roll  of  music.  Pretty  ?  Yes  ; 
hat's  why  I  noticed  her.  A  sweet  face,  but  very 
ad  about  the  mouth  and  eyes.  Trouble,  I  said  to 
nyself.  Cheeks,  red  as  ripe  peaches,  yet  somehow 
fancied  they'd  feel  cold  to  the  touch.  Her  mouth 
was  small  and  her  lips  what  you'd  call  pouting',  and 
|they.  had  a  queer  habit  of  quiverin'  like  they 
wanted  to  say  something  but  daren't.  I  never  once 
thought  they  were  not  as  warm  as  they  looked.  I 
think  her  eyes  were  grey,  but  they  used  to 
ihame  me  by  a  look  that  went  clear  through  me 
.vnd  a  thousand  miles  further  on.  Plainly,  she 
wasn't  a  city  girl.  Too  meek  and  innocent  for  this 
world.  But  I'm  forgettin'  her  hair.  That's  what 
took  the  cake.  It  was  light  brown — just  bright 
enough  for  the  sun  to  shine  back  from  the  wide 
liraids  that  reached  to  her  knees  when  she  stood 
straight  up.  It  grew  so  rank  I  knew  it  must  take 
some  of  the   strength   that  seemed  lacking  in  her 


alender  figure,     Vou  see   Vve  got   her  down  fine 

And  why  nut'      Didn't    I  watch    her    till  I'd  forget 

to  take  her  fai  ■       Lbavi  kwobtb  .'...  (.'  " 

We  struck  a  bit  of  down  grade.  Mj  hope  of 
reaching  Van    Ness   avenue  before  daylight 

to   rise.. 

"  W  ill.  as  I  was  a-sayin  ,  she  used  to  ride  to  the 
Park  nearly  every  afternoon.  One  day  she  went 
•  uit  alone,  as  usual,  hut  on  th.-  home  trip  there 
was  a  fellow  with  her.  A  good  enough  looking 
fellow,  but  it  ri'led  me  to  see  him  talkin'  to  her  and 
to  notice  that  she  seemed  to  like  it.  Sou  see,  I'd 
have  spoken  t"  hei  myself  long  before,  if  I'd  known 
slu-  wasn't  alwaysdreamin  of  Heaven  or  somethin' 
way  out  of  the  world.  But  then  I  wasn't  cut  out 
for  a  masher,  and  that  chap  was.  I  knew  he'd 
mashed  her,  for  I  heard  him  ask  where  she  lived. 
Thinks  I,  '  Poor  girl,  she's  goin'  like  the  rest  of 
'em  that  go  to  the  Park  because  they're  lonesome 
in  town.'  Why,  sir,  that  Park's  the  first  station 
on  the  road  to  ruin.  It's  the  stampin'  ground  of 
the  worst  gang  of  mashers  in  the  city,  Lord!  It'd 
take  all  night  to  tell  what  I've  seen.     PoUt  street!" 

With  a  merry  peal  of  laughter  at  the  absurdity 
of  having  reached  their  destination  before  break- 
fast time,  the  fawn-eyed  girl  and  her  escort  took 
their  departure.  The  quiet  of  the  tomb  now  per- 
vaded the  car. 

"  Well,"  continued  the  conductor,  "  I  never  took 
my  eyes  off  that  masher  and  his  poor  innocent  vic- 
tim that  whole  trip.  I  saw  her  big  eyes  shine  as 
he  tightened  his  grip  on  the  little\vhite  hand  in 
her  lap,  and  my  heart  came  up  in  my  throat. 
Jealous!  Maybe.  Anyways,  if  he'd  dropped  off 
in  front  of  the  dummy,  I'd  never  thought  of  the 
brake." 

"  Did  anything  happen?  " 

"  No.  They  left  the  car  at  Dupont  street,  and  I 
made  up  my  mind  to  warn  the  girl  the  very  first 
chance  1  got.  It  came  soon  enough.  The  next 
day  she  was  on  hand,  and,  as  luck  would  have  it, 
rode  on  the  inside  where  she  was  all  alone.  She 
carried  a  roll  of  music,  as  usual,  and  I  thought 
she'd  never  looked  so  sweet  and  simple.  Her  lips 
seemed  redder'n  usual,  and  her  face,  exceptin1  the 
bright  spots  on  her  cheeks,  was  white,  like  it'd 
been  powdered.  But,  of  course,  it  hadn't.  Well, 
I  was  so  anxious  to  save  her  from  fallin'  into  the 
snares  of  that  good-lookin'  villian  that  I  burst  right 
out  with  it  all  before  you  could  say  Jack  Robin- 
son." 

"  She  thanked  you,  of  course. " 

"  There's  where  you're  dead  wrong,  sir.  I'll  be 
d — d  if  she  didn't  flare  up  like  a  regular  hood. 
'Wot  are  yer  givin' me? '  she  said.  '  Can't  you 
tumble  to  the  racket?  I'm  fly,  and  don't  you  for- 
get it!  I'm  the  star  serio-comic  at  the  Varieties. 
We  give  a  way  up  show,  if  'tis  a  dive.  Now,  wipe 
off  your  chin  and   cheese   it  till  I've  got  away  with 

that  softy.     He's   got  the   tin,  but '  Here  she 

unrolled  her  music  and  held  it  up  before  me — '  For 
Goodness'  Sake,  Don't  Say  I  Told  You!' 

"  That  settled  it.  She  had  knocked  me  out  on 
the  first  round.  I  drew  my  deposit  and  left  the 
line  that  night.  No  more  injured  innocents  for 
me.      Van  Ness  avenoooof" 

"Never  mind  stopping.  You  might  never  get 
started  again." 

"  Good  night,  sir.  Ah — thanks — I  can't  refuse 
it." 

It  was  a  punched  quarter,  but  good  for  the  beer. 
Justin  Aubrey. 

Son  Francisco,  Mnij  1,    W8S. 


A    CAT    TALE. 


I  had  brought  an  old  cat  with  me,  on  joining  a 
certain  rat-ridden  ship,  knowing  him  to  be  a  good 
sporting  animal.  It  was  not  mine  but  one  I  had 
borrowed  for  the  voyge  on  hearing  the  vessel's  rep- 
utation for  natural  history.  She  was  fairly  over- 
run with  vermin  from  stem  to  stern,  but  it  appeared 
that  there  was  an  extraordinary  concentration  of 
the  ratty  element  in  the  storerooms  underneath 
the  forepeak.  Nothing  served  to  restrain  their 
depredations,  or  to  diminish  their  numbers  and  au- 
dacity. It  was  scarcely  safe  to  venture  down  there, 
and  the  store-keeper  was  at  his  wits'  end  to  know 
how  to  protect  the  articles  under  his  charge.  At 
length  he  asked  me  to  allow  him  to  put  Tim  down 
there  at  night,  not  so  much  in  the  hope  of  destroy- 
ing the  rats  as  of  scaring  them  away.  Tim  was  ac- 
cordingly conducted  thither  before  the  gratings 
were  put  on,  and  left  there,  with  his  saucer  of 
bread  and  milk,  his  mat,  and  no  lack  of  company. 
In  the  morning  nothing  remained  of  him  but 
gnawed  bones  and  some  scraps  of  gray  fur. 


STILL-LIFE     STORIES. 


A  Society  Violet  had  a  debauched  young  Spear 
of  Wild  Oata  for  her  partner  at  a  reehtnht  affair. 
After  a  meaning  pause  in  tin-  oom  emation  she  said 

with    a     little    laugh       "   VoU    naughty    fellow,    you 
should  nol  tickle  me  so  with  van  darling  be! 
am  afraid  you   are  ., lie   .,f   the    h.os        II      1,,-he 
In  answer  he  whispered  with   a  sigh   :    "  Ah.    aweel 

one,  flesh  and  blood  cannot  stand  tie-   intoxication 

of  your  perfu I  breath,   and  all   grass  i-  flesh. 

She  acknowledged  the  corn. 

A  Vainglorious  Pigeon-hole  who  was  boasting 
to  an  Ill-Tempered  Waste- Paper  P.asket  of  the  con 
iideiitial  nature  of  his  office  was  met  with  the  eon 
teniptuoiis  retort  :  I'd  like  to  know  who  wants 
to  suffer  chronic  indigestion  of  amateur  poetry  and 
applications  to  get  on  the  police  force.  It  is  better 
to  be  a  glutton  than  an  epicure.-' 


A  Mucilage  Bottle  engaged  in  editing  a  news- 
paper appealed  for  sympathy  to  a  Barbed-Wire 
Fence,  the  partner  of  his  joys,  in  these  sad  words  : 
''  The  elevated  position  which  the  editor  of  a  great 
daily  occupies  has  its  pains  as  well  as  its  pleasures. 
My  brains  are  slowly  but  surely  wearing  out  in  the 
service  of  an  ungrateful  people."  Ever  ready  to 
console,  she  answered  :  "  My  dear,  your  brains 
present  too  much  surface.  You  should  sit  on  your 
head.     Nothing  will  ever  hurt  that." 


A  Hot  Gospel,  who  had  earned  the  respect  of  the 
community  by  running  a  theological  seminary,  but 
was  not  otherwise  rich,  in  the  course  of  an  alterca- 
tion with  the  City  Directory,  abused  the  latter  for 
a  thumb-licked  muster  roll  of  impenitent  thieves. 
The  angry  Directory  retorted  :  "I  would  rather  be 
a  hardy  annual  with  a  strong  alphabetical  digestion 
for  straight  names  than  spend  a  worn-out  existence 
dry-suckliug  young  theologasters  on  a  parson-farm. " 


A  Bereaved  Pill-Box  who  still  cherished  some 
natural  pride  at  having  seen  better  days  was  offered 
a  job  to  hold  hair  grease  and  rejected  the  position 
in  these  mournful  words  :  "  Alack-a-day,  that  I 
should  be  offered  a  menial  position  !  There  is  no 
pity  for  misfortune  in  this  world.  Not  content 
with  swallowing  my  children  in  their  gilded  youth, 
they  gave  my  lid  to  the  baby  to  chew,  and  now 
they  would  turn  me  into  an  Augean  stable.  I  pre- 
fer to  remain  an  unreconstructed  pill-box  who  has 
outlived  his  usefulness." 


A  Glass  Eye  wept,  as  well  he  might,  to  see  a  Gap- 
Toothed  Piano  gnawing  the  bones  of  a  decrepit  tune 
and  fell  to  moralizing  thus  :  "  Beware  of  industry. 
When  yonder  quadruped  was  young,  the  passions 
oft,  to  hear  her  shell,  thronged  around  her  magic 
cell,  but  she  has  passed  a  laborious  existence  as  the 
drudge  of  Woman- Who-Sings-Through-Her-Nose, 
and  Girl-Who-Lives-Next-Door,  until  now  she  is 
not  fit  to  mumble  Yankee  Doodle  for  a  picnic ;  while 
I,  who  am  only  beautiful,  am  ever  fair  and  young, 
and  when  my  present  slave  wears  out  I  will  take  to 
myself  another.  I  think  I  will  reside  in  a  woman 
next  time." 


The  Soul  of  a  Slaughtered  Trombone  imprisoned 
in  the  "  viewless  winds,"  meeting  the  Atmosphere 
of  a  Picture,  "thought  he  recognized  a  kindred  ex- 
travagant spirit  and  inquired  in  stridulous  tones 
between  a  squeak  and  a  gibber  ;  "  Whence  and 
whither  ?  "  The  other  answered  :  "  Ah,  what  do 
the  wisest  know  !  I  am  supposed  to  be  the  Great 
Perhaps.  Whom  have  I  the  honor  of  addressing  '.  " 
With  a  grating  jingle-jangle  the  imprisoned  Soul 
replied  :  "  I  am  called  the  Music  of  the  Future, 
and  was  invented  as  a  torment  for  the  damned. ' 

E.  F.  C. 

San  Francisco,  Mai/  .-',   188S. 


The  Lowell  Citizen  has  discovered  that  the  bicycle 
rider  with  a  cultivated  taste  for  the  heautiful  will 
never  pass  a  carriage  containing  young  ladies  of  his 
acquaintance,  while  he  will  ride  for  miles  at  the 
side.  He  knows  well  enough  that  the  profile  of  a 
bicycle  rider  is  well  enough,  while  a  front  or  rear 
view  is  "  puffiickly  rediculous. " 


Before  a  poster  announcing  a  concert  where  the 
programme  is  entirely  consecrated  to  Wagner  : — 

"  A  lucky  man  the  late  Wagner  ;  he  is  the  only 
one  who  can  no  longer  hear  his  music  !  " 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


MAY    5,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  543  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

£.    C.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  PubliBhers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

One  copy,  one  year,  or  52  mimbers $5  00 

One  copy,  six  months,  or  26  numbers 2  50 

One  copy  for  thirteen  weeks   ------.-.      125 

Postage  free  tc  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 

The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 

All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp:  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.  W.  A.  Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

JVo  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


A  writer  in  the  Brooklyn  Eagle  has  had  a  con- 
versation with  the  great  Salmi  Morse,  author  of 
the  famous  Passion  Play,  and  as  the  report  of  the 
interview  is  being  extensively  republished  in  our 
exchanges  we  make  the  following  extract  for  com- 
ment. '  'Salmi  Morse  announces  that  he  is  going  into 
"  the  newspaper  business.  He  will  start  a  New 
"  York  satirical  paper  called  The  Wasp.  He  once 
"  published  a  paper  in  San  Francisco  with  the  same 
<l  stinging  title.  In  speaking  of  it  Mr.  Morse  said  : 
"  *  It  took  the  town  by  the  ears.  At  the  third 
"number  I  had  a  twenty  thousand  edition,  and 
"  before  the  thing  was  two  months  old  it  was  the 
"  standing  sensation  of  the  extreme  West.  It  was 
( '  filled  with  bitter,  stinging  personal  matter  about 
"everybody  of  prominence  in  San  Francisco.  I 
"  told  the  exact  truth  about  every  man,  no  matter 
"  what  his  position  or  his  influence  might  be.  The 
"  result  was,  the  paper  was  an  immense  go.  To 
"  be  sure  a  great  many  libel  suits  were  raised 
"  against  it,  but  as  a  journal  it  was  a  triumphant 
"  success.  I  abandoned  it,  though,  when  it  was 
"  very  young,'  added  Morse  thoughtfully.  '  I 
"  presume  if  I  had  kept  on  with  it  till  now  it  would 
' '  be  the  greatest  paper  in  the  West. '  I  did  not  ask 
"  him  why  he  abandoned  a  paper  so  profitable  and 
"  influential.  The  libel  suits  he  mentioned  prob- 
"  ably  had  something  to  do  with  its  suspension." 
Mr.  Morse  was  never  publisher  of  the  Wasp,  nor 
did  he  have  anything  to  do  with  it  until  it  was 
three  years  old.  The  first  number  was  issued  Aug. 
5,  1870  ;  Morse  became  editor  in  July,  1S70.  There 
had  been  three  editors  before  him.  His  connection 
with  the  paper  lasted  a  year,  during  which  period 
there  was  but  one  libel  suit  threathened  and  none 
brought.  If  Mr.  Morse's  assertion  that  during  his 
administration  the  paper  "  took  the  town  by  the 
ears  "  is  true,  it  is  true  in  some  occult  sense  that 
was  not  understood  by  the  publisher  nor  manifested 
in  his  receipts.  Mr.  Morse's  editorial  activity 
found  its  chief  expression  in  serial  "  plays  "  of 
deadly  dulness  and  measureless  extension.  Noth- 
ing but  the  tireless  energy  of  his  publishers  and 
the  intelligent  devotion  of  his  collaborators  saved 
the  Wasp  from  the  'l  suspension  "  which  our 
Brooklyn  contemporary  cheerfully  assumes  befell  it. 
In  short,  Salmi  as  playwright  and  editor  has  not 
been  uniformly  nor  conspicuously  .successful,  but  as 
a  liar  he  is  justly  entitled  to  high  commendation. 
In  that  capacity  only  can  he  hope  again  to  obtain 
employment  on  this  journal. 

Another  mad  manifestation  of  pai  vcnu  vulgarity  ! 
— "  that  of  an  hour's  age  doth  hiss  the  speaker." 
This  is  a  wedding  in      high  life.''     Owing  to  a  re- 


recent  death  in  the  family  of  the  bride,  the  affair 
is  "  strictly  private."  To  this  strictly  private 
affair  only  some  thirty  or  forty  intimate  friends  are 
invited — including  several  reporters  of  newspapers. 
To  this  strictly  private  affair  only  two  or  three 
columns  of  publicity  are  given  in  the  journals 
represented  at  the  show.  In  deference  to  the 
memory  of  the  lately  deceased,  the  toilets  of  the 
lady  guests  only  are  minutely  described,  the  gentle- 
men's "  customary  suits  of  solemn  black  "  are  not. 
True,  there  are  florid  accounts  of  the  appointments 
and  decorations  of  the  house  of  mourning  where 
the  strictly  private  affair  took  place,  and  of  the 
funeral  baked  meats  that  coldly  furnished  forth 
the  marriage  feast,  but — but — well,  we  do  not  find 
the  mitigating  circumstance  of  which  we  were  in 
search.  There  are  some  remarks  touching  the 
"  family  plate  "  of  two  families  half-a-generation 
emerged  from  poverty.  The  happy  couple  received 
the  congratulations  of  their  friends,  "  seated  on  a 
raised  dais."  u  Following  out  the  general  line  of 
privacy  that  characterized  the  affair,"  says  the 
authorized  report,  the  bridal  presents  were  not  ex- 
hibited to  the  guests  ;  they  were  only  shown  to  the 
reporters  and  by  them  described.  Enough  of  this. 
We  have  touched  upon  these  unpleasant  matters 
only  to  "  point  a  moral,"'  not  to  "  adorn  a  tale." 
By  their  action  in  giving  their  family  affairs  pub- 
licity, these  families  have  recognized,  nay,  created, 
the  right  of  public  comment,  which  includes  the 
right  of  censure.  The  sharpest  censure  we  are  able 
to  bestow  is  simply  to  recite  their  folly.  We  re- 
luctantly add  their  names  to  our  list  of  wealthy 
disagreeables.  Colton,  Cook,  Boyd.  And  in 
seriousness  we  ask  :  In  all  San  Francisco  "  society  " 
is  there  one  family  in  which  wealth  and  good  breed- 
ing coexist  ? 

When  the  Belmont  boy  affirmed  in  his  minority 
report  to  Congress  that  great  abuses  existed  in 
the  importation  of  Hawaiian  sugars  to  San  Fran- 
cisco everybody  knew  he  was  acting  under  advice 
and  instruction  of  the  Eastern  refiners,  led  by  the 
Havemeyer  Company.  These  people  have  bitterly 
opposed  the  reciprocity  treaty  through  fear  of  Cali- 
fornian  competition  in  the  Eastern  markets.  It  is 
they  that  have  subsidized  the  Chronicle.  They 
kept  a  powerful  lobby  in  Washington  during  the 
whole  session  of  Congress,  working  with  importun- 
ity and  coin  in  the  interest  of  abrogation.  The 
chief  corruptionist  of  this  lobby,  an  unscrupulous 
fellow  named  Searle,  has  now  been  appointed  by 
Secretary  Folger  a  member  of  the  commission  to 
inquire  into  the  truth  of  the  Belmont  boy's  charges. 
The  appointment  was  not  a  decent  one,  but  it 
would  require  an  even  greater  scamp  than  the 
Searle  person  to  find  anything  crooked  in  the  im- 
portation of  Hawaiian  sugars  into  San  Francisco. 
Our  refiners  wrould  probably  take  any  thrifty  ad- 
vantage that  they  could,  but  there  is  no  opportunity. 
The  Hawaiian  officials  are  vigiliant  to  protect  their 
own  interests,  which  are  obviously  opposed  to  the 
shipment  of  other  sugars  thence  as  Hawaiian,  as"" 
Perry  Belmont  asserted  was  habitually  done,  and 
as  Minister  Daggett  reports  impossible.  On  this 
side,  Collector  Sullivan  happens  to  be  "  sitting  at 
the  receipt  of  customs,"  and  he  is  an  honest  and 
capable  officer.  We  cordially  proffer  to  Commis- 
missioner  Searle  the  hospitalities  of  Master  Bel- 
mont's mare's-nest. 


The  Cabinet  has  been  considering  the  rules  de- 
vised by  the  Civil  Service  Commission,  and  a  tele- 
graphic dispatch  intimates  that  "  it  is  safe  to  say 
the  regulations  will  not  come  out  of  the  Cabinet  in 
precisely  their  present  shape. "  It  would  have  been 
safe  to  say  that  at  any  time  since  the  appointment 
of  the  Commission  ;  and  it  would  have  been  safe  to 
predict  that  the  objections  to  the  regulations  would 


be  precisely  such  as  have  actually  been  made— 
namely  that  they  are  ll  impractical  "  and  "  pedan- 
tic. "  The  small-minded  machine  politicians  of 
Mr.  Arthur's  Cabinet,  and  himself,  the  littlest  of 
the  lot,  are  not  likely  to  see  anything  but  "  im- 
practicality  "  and  t(  pedantry  "  in  anything  com- 
ing from  the  broad,  instructed  and  unselfish  in- 
telligence of  such  men  as  Mr.  Dorm  an  B.  Eaton 
and  Mr.  George  William  Curtis.  What  the  "  prac- 
tical politician  "  wants  is  a  civil  service  reform  that 
will  not  interfere  with  the  work  of  his  machine  ; 
that  will  assist  him  to  keep  his  workers  in  office 
and  his  rivals'  workers  out  of  office  ;  that  will 
enable  him  to  "fix  things  "  and  "  organize  vic- 
tory." That  was  the  view  taken  of  the  matter  by 
nine  in  ten  of  the  men  who  voted  for  the  present 
law,  Republicans  and  Democrats  alike.  Doubtless 
the  points  in  which  Mr.  Arthur  and  his  Cabinet  of 
incapables  find  the  rules  "  impractical  "  are  those 
in  which  they  seem  to  present  obstacles  to  "  throw- 
ing the  weight  of  the  departments  "  in  favor  of 
"  the  best  man  "  at  the  next  Republican  presiden- 
tial nominating  convention — each  of  these  worthies 
having  his  own  notion  as  to  who  is  the  best.  The 
rules  are  probably  voted  "  pedantic  "  wherever  they 
are  expressed  in  uncommonly  good  English. 

The  City  and  County  Attorney  is  considering 
whether,  during  its  present  engagement  with  the 
gas  company,  the  city  can  make  a  contract  with  an 
electric  light  company  for  lighting  that  section  ly- 
ing north  of  Market  street  and  east  of  Van  Ness 
avenue.  It  is  to  be  hoped  his  decision  will  be 
affirmative,  and  that  the  Board  of  Supervisors  will 
make  the  contract  with  the  electric  company.  No 
city  in  the  world  is  better  situated  for  electric 
lighting  by  the  tower  system  than  San  Francisco 
with  its  lofty  hills  dominating  long  reaches  of  low- 
land. A  few  towers  with  powerful  lights  would 
illuminate  the  whole  town.  As  to  cost,  that  has  i 
passed  beyond  the  stage  of  experiment.  Electric  i 
lighting  on  a  large  scale  can  be  done  more  cheaply 
than  gas  lighting,  as  has  been  abundantly  demon- 
strated in  the  experience  of  scores  of  Eastern  towns. 
As  to  the  superior  quality  of  the  electric  light  over 
the  gas  jet,  incurably  ill  of  jaundice  and  stricken 
with  palsy,  there  are  no  two  opinions.  The  im- 
provement in  point  of  picturesqueness  is  worth 
considering,  too.  The  cable-road  was  invented  too 
late  to  enable  us  to  put  our  great  buildings  on  the 
hill-tops ;  half  concealed  in  the  valleys  they  make 
a  poor  spectacle.  But  with  every  summit  ablaze, 
San  Francisco  would  make  a  noble  show  by  night, 
particularly  from  the  other  side  of  the  Bay — where 
good  residence  property  would  do  doubt  be  in  lively 
demand  in  consequence.      Fiat  electric  hix. 

Residents  in  the  vicinity  of  the  railroad  crossing 
at  Cedar  and  Seventh  streets,  *  >akland — where  the 
accident  occurred  the  other  day  whose  horrible 
possibilities  sent  a  shudder  through  the  nerves  of 
everybody  but  Mr.  Charles  Crocker — have  peti- 
tioned that  tranquil  gentleman  to  incur  the  expense 
of  a  flagman  there.  This  is  the  second  acci- 
dent at  the  same  place,  and  from  the  same  cause  ; 
and  this  is  the  second  petition  for  the  same  meas- 
ure of  prevention.  The  matter  of  a  flag  station 
there  has  been  also  considered  by  both  the  <  takland 
City  Council  and  a  grand  jury,  but  the  company 
has  succeeded  in  preventing  any  action  being  taken 
to  prevent  it  from  smashing  its  property  and  pas- 
sengers. The  Railroad's  antipathy  to  <  >akland  ia 
notorious  ;  it  flowered  out  redly  in  Mr.  Crocker's 
recent  remarks  before  the  Commission.  'Die  com- 
pany abates  nothing  of  care  and  diligence  in  pro- 
viding for  the  inconvenience  and  insecurity  of  pas- 
sengers in  a  town  that  exacted  free  rides  ;  the 
addition  of  new  terrors  to  life  in  Oakland  is  a  task 
to  which  it  addresses  itself  with  the  tireless  intelli- 
gence of  a  man-eating  tiger  in  a  Cingalese  surbui'b. 


I 


THE     WASP. 


AT     THE     SEASIDE, 


(Trii  i  ■ 

(  hi  the  white,  nliiftin^'  Band 
At  quaint  .Monterey, 

Rose  Rave  me  her  band. 
i  in  the  white,  shifting  Band 
The  future  we  planned 

In  the  oM  fashioned  waj  . 
On  the  white,  shifting  sand 

At  ijuaint  Monterey. 

i  i  -oiled  on  the  beach 
Where  tlie  sea  kissed  the  shore. 

'I'm.  happy  fur  speech, 

We  strolled  on  tlie  beach. 

Her  lips  were  in  reach, 
So  words  were  a  bore — 

We  strolled  tm  the  beach 

Where  the  se;i  kissed  the  shine. 
We  met  the  next  year 

At  gay  Santa  Cruz. 
I  railed  her  "  my  dear  " 
When  we  met  tlie  next  year. 
But  she  made  it  clear 

For  me  she'd  no  use, 
When  we  met  the  next  year 

At  gay  Santa  Cruz. 

—One  of  the  Left. 


PRATTLE. 


"  See  here,  Doctor,"  said  the  father  of  a  number 
of  grown  up  daughters,  to  the  venerable  manager  of 
the  Examine?')  "  I've  been  taking  your  paper  ever 
since  your  connection  with  it,  but  it  is  due  to  my 
own  dignity  to  explain  that  I  don't  take  it  for  its 
long  editorials  on  how  to  bring  up  girls." 

"  What's  the  mattter  with  the  editorials  '.  "  was 
the  mild  inquiry  of  the  great  journalist. 

"  Nothing,  only  I  think  I  know  more  about 
bringing  up  girls  than  you  do.  You'd  think  it  im- 
pertinent if  J  were  to  instruct  you  in  t/our  business." 

"  Strikes  me  that  that's  pretty  nearly  what  you 
are  doing,"  said  the  Doctor  tranquilly. 

And  he  walked  away  to  tinish  an  elaborate  leader 
on  the  best  way  to  get  the  grease  off  the  breakfast 
dishes,  while  his  friend  went  thoughtfully  home  to 
bring  up  a  girl. 

Moral — Every  talent  should  have  a  fair  field  and 
no  favor. 


"  Philosophically,"  quoth  the  Rev.  Dr.  Sprecher, 
1  Y  we  can  see  nothing  in  death  to  change  character. " 
j  Philosophically,  then,  I  don't  see  any  particular 
reason,  Preacher  Sprecher,  why  you  ought  to  die. 
On  grounds  of  public  convenience,  your  death  is  to 
be  desired,  because,  without  making  you  any  the 
less  a  fool,  it  would  remove  you  from  the  pulpit  and 
put  you  where  your  folly  would  be  less  offensive. 
Death  may  not  "  change  character,"  dear,  but  it 
makes  a  distinct  alteration  in  ones  opportunities 
to  afflict  his  fellow-men  with  cascades  of  blue  bosh. 


A  writer  in  an  English  scientific  journal  avers 
that  a  monkey  under  strong  emotion  will  blush 
like  a  woman,  and  adds  :  'l  My  monkey  used  to 
blush  most  distinctly  ;  a  red  hue  shot  over  and  ob- 
scured the  normally  yellow  tint  of  the  face,  and  I 
noticed  that  the  'seat-pads'  also  grew  redder." 
Whether  that  is  blushing  "like  a  woman  "  I  am 
unable  to  say,  but  it  seems  to  be  a  tolerably  com- 
prehensive kind  of  blushing. 


If  I  were  dictator  there  would  be  no  more  dog 
shows,  for  there  would  be  no  more  dogs.  In  the 
pat  few  weeks  of  my  reign  tlie  price  of  sausage 
would  tumble  to  ten  cents  a  yard  on  account  of  the 
abundance  of  raw  material  supplied  by  law. 
Of  all  anachronisms  and  survivals,  the  love  of  the 
ting  is  the  most  reasonless.  Because,  some  thousands 
of  years  ago,  when  we  wore  other  skins  than  our 


own  and  sat  enthrone  I  upon  our  haunches,  tearing 
tangles  Of  tendons  from  raw  hones  with  our  teeth, 
the  dog  ministered  purveyorwise  to  our  savage 
needs,  we  go  on  cherishing  him  to  this  day,  when 
his  only  function  is  to  lie  sun-soaken  on  a  dour  mat 
and  insult  us  we  pass  in  and  out,  enamored  of  his 
fat  superfluity.  One  dog  in  a  thousand  earns  his 
bread— and  takes  beef-steak  ;  the  other  nine  hun- 
dred and  ninety-nine  we  cheat  the  poor  to  maintain 
in  the  style  suitable  to  their  state.  If  ever  there  iB 
.1  new  and  improved  God  His  gospel  will  contain 
this  passage  :  "  Whoso  giveth  to  a  dog,  from  him 
shall  be  taken  more  than  that  which  ho  giveth;  yea, 
he  shall  lose  his  grip  upon  eternal  life." 


The  dog  is  an  encampment  of  Heas  and  a  reservoir 
of  sinful  smells.  He  is  prone  to  bad  manners  as 
the  sparks  Hy  upward.  He  has  no  discrimination; 
his  loyalty  is  given  to  the  person  that  feeds  him, 
be  the  same  a  blackguard  or  a  murderer's  mother. 
He  rights  for  his  master  without  regard  to  the  jus- 
tice of  the  quarrel— wherein  he  is  no  better  than  a 
patriot  or  a  paid  soldier.  There  are  men  who  are 
proud  of  a  dog's  love— and  dogs  love  that  kind  of 
men.  There  are  men  who,  having  the  privilege  of 
loving  women,  insult  them  by  loving  dogs  ;  and 
there  are  women  who  forgive  and  respect  their 
canine  rivals.  There  are  dogs  that  submit  to  be 
kissed  by  women  base  enough  to  kiss  them  ;  but 
they  have  a  secret,  coarse  revenge,  sweeter  than 
that  of  the  waiter  who  spits  in -the  soup.  For  the 
dog  is  a  joker,  withal,  gifted  with  as  much  humor 
as  is  consistent  with  biting. 


There  are  certain  delinquent  corporate  taxpayers 
who  owe  the  city  large  amounts  and  are  willing  to 
compromise.     We  say  compromise. — Argonaut 

A  thief  who'd  picked  a  pocket  ran, 

Pursued  by  the  indignant  man 

Whose  purse  he'd  taken,  and  the  two 

By  all  tlie  town  with  wild  halloo. 

As  through  the  streets  the  villian  fled, 

An  orange  peel  betrayed  his  tread  ; 

His  heels  flew  up,  his  head  flew  down— 

A  curbstone  quarreled  with  his  crown. 

Ere  he  could  get  upon  his  feet 

His  victim  pinned  him  to  the  street 

And  thundered,  with  an  awful  curse  : 
"  Give  up  my  purse  !      Give  up  my  purse  !  " 

With  body  bruised  and  bleediug  pow 

And  dusty  teeth  and  broken  brow — 

With  senses  dazed,  in  faltering  whine 

He  squeaked:  "  Good  friend,  the  purse  is  mine." 

The  mob  closed  in  about  the  two 

And  clubbed  the  thief  without  ado, 

Save  one,  who  solemnly  advised  : 
"  This  matter  should  be  compromised." 

All  turned  to  see  who  'twas  that  spoke 

And  into  smiles  all  faces  broke  ; 

They  looked  at  him,  atone  another, 

And  laughed--it  was  the  rascal's  brother. 

Encouraged  by  the  word,  the  thief 

Seized  on  that  measure  of  relief  ; 
"  I'll  give  up  half  1  took,"  he  cried  ; 
"  I'll  take  it,"  t'other  thief  replied. 


In  the  struggle  for  the  Presidential  nomination 
the  man  who  can  tell  the  most  incredible  untruth 
about  the  prayer-cure  is  most  hopeful  of  winning. 
The  Oakland  raconteur  who  tells  about  the  pious 
old  lady  who  seeing  Reporter  Share  walking  along 
Broadway  fell  upon  her  knees  and  prayed  his  trous- 
ers loose  and  his  hair  short  appears  to  head  the 
running,  so  far. 


It  is  neither  military  nor  civil  to  call  Major- 
General  Walter  Turnbull  a  little  tin  Barnes  on 
wheels. 


Congressman  Charles  A.  Sumner,  who  boasted 
that  he  had  never  wetted  his  moustache  in  Governor 
Stanford's  soup,    haB  wetted  it  \n  that  of  Sunset 


and  as  he  wrings  tin-  amber  drops  from  its 
iawn>  extremities  he  congratulates  himself  that 
Cox  is  at  least  not  a  monopolist  * '  yes,  he  is  ;  Iih 
owns  you,  Sumner,  He  purchased  you  with  a  mess 
oi  potatje  ;  and  as  nobody  else  wants  you  at  any 
price,  what  is  that  but  monopoly  { 


As  Mr.  Cox  wants  to  be  Speaker  of  the  next 
House  of  Representatives,  his  feat  of  souping  Sum- 
ner and  Bupppling  that  hitherto  incorrigible  states- 
man's spine  may  bo  regarded  as  a  transaction  of  no 
small  profit  It  might  be  described  in  a  bill-of-sale, 
which  in  deference  to  Mr.  Sumner's  poetic  turn 
could  be  put  into  rhyme,  thus  : 
Cox 

Bo't  of  C.  Sumner 1     Birthright 

For  Pottage  to  make  Sumner's  Girth  tight 
And  Oil  for  his  Backbone  columnar. 

Rec'd  pay't  [signed]  0.  A.  Si  ansa. 

Messrs.  Triibner  vV  Co.,  of  London,  have  pub- 
lished a  book  entitled  Tlie  Pedigree  oj  tlie  i><  oil,  It 
ought  to  sell  pretty  well  out  here  ;  some  of  our  best 
families  will  find  in  it  many  interesting  scraps  of 
their  family  history. 


I  find  the  following  description  of  a  disease  with 
the  good  Greek  name  of  amnesic  apliasia  : 

It  is  a  peculiar  affliction,  the  victim  of  which  forgets 
the  use  of  words  and  substitutes  whole  sentences,  when  be 
wishes  to  express  a  certain  idea,  for  others  which  convey 
something  entirely  distinct  from,  or  even  in  direct  opposi- 
tion to,  what  he  means. 

This  disease  is  said  to  be  very  rare,  but  I  think 
not  ;  I  suspect  that  most  of  the  newspaper  writers 
in  this  town  have  it  in  its  most  terrible  form.  If  it 
would  only  have  the  goodness  to  be  fatal  I  would 
cheerfully  make  it  a  frank  apology  for  having  called 
it  hitherto  by  so  vulgar  a  name  as  **  ignorance  of 
the  English  language." 

Why  do  Christians,  in  dry  years  and  hard  times,  with- 
hold their  support  from  churches  and  our  noble  paper, 
and  not  curtail  expenses  arising  from  this  pernicious  and 
filthy  habit  ?  How  would  Jesus  look,  were  he  now  on 
earth,  putting  "a  delicious  Havana  "  2 — Pacific  Clwrch 
News. 

About  as  well,  on  the  whole,  as  he  would  look 
sitting  on  a  rickety  stool  with  his  legs  confused, 
his  tongue  out  and  his  bald  head  beaded  with  per- 
spiration, writing  for  "our  noble  paper"  a  lying 
puff'  of  some  holy  swindle  like  the  New  Jerusalem 
Gold  Mine  or  the  Blessed  Paraclete  Toilet  Soap. 


A  Fresno  prophet  is  inspired  to  announce  the 
impending  destruction  by  fire  and  Hood  of  all  man- 
kind who  do  not  at  once  settle  in  the  Coast  Range 
of  mountains  in  this  State.  O,  yes;  settle  in  the 
Coast  Range,  a  hundred  miles  from  Marchand's 
and  the  Poodle  Dog!     Turn  on  your  fire  and  flood. 


In  Missouri  a  Federal  judge  has  sent,  three 
County  judges  to  jail  for  contempt.  Let  a  monu- 
ment be  erected  on  the  spot,  inscribed  as  follows  : 

Three  doctors  here  were  given  pills  ; 
Three  duns  were  here  presented  bills. 
Three  parsons  here  were  prayed  for  ;   here 
Three  ghosts  were  smit  with  sudden  fear, 
Three  rattlesnakes  were  bitten  dead, 
Three  bed-bugs  were  annoyed  in  bed. 
Three  skunks  met  here  a  stronger  power 
And  held  their  noses  for  an  hour. 


Does  the  Bible  sanction  the  use  of  wine  as  a  beverage. 
— Occident. 

No  good  sinner  cares  whether  it  does  or  not. 
If  you  fellows  abstain  from  it,  that  is  sanction 
enough  for  us. 


THE    WASP 


THREE      SCOUNDRELS, 


The  story  of  the  desecration  of  the  grave  of  Clara 
Loeper  in  Mountain  View  Cemetery,  Oakland,  and 
the  finding  of  the  poor  girl's  body  in  the  dissecting 
room  of  the  California  Electric  Medical  College,  is 
several  days  old  and  involves  so  much  that  is  re- 
volting and  sensational  that  doubtless  the  general 
public  is  quite  familiar  with  all  the  details.  But 
the  trial  in  the  Oakland  Police  Court,  which  has 
just  resulted  in  the  dismissal  of  the  charges  against 
the  accused  leeches — Doctors  Crowley,  Harrison 
and  Rand — for  "  lack  of  evidence  to  convict  "  is  a 
curious  illustration  of  the  eccentricity  of  justice. 
Without  going  into  the  minor  details  of  evidence, 
the  fact  that  the  body  of  the  girl  was  found  in  the 
dissecting  room  of  the  college  remains  firmly  es- 
tablished. This  room  was  always  kept  locked  and 
only  about  half-a-dozen  persons  had  keys  to  it. 
But  none  of  these,  nor  the  students  whom  they  in- 
structed, nor  even  the  Superintendent  of  the 
College,  had  been  near  the  dissecting  room  during 
the  two  days  that  the  girl's  body  lay  there — at 
least  so  they  testified.  'l  Where  the  carcass  is, 
thither  will  the  eagles  be  gathered  together  "  is  as 
true  of  medical  professors  and  students  as  of  any 
other  class  of  plunderers  ;  so  this  absence  from  the 
anatomical  Golgotha  is  strange,  to  say  the  least  of 
it.  But  Science  is  granted  many  privileges  and 
immunities.  And  possibly  perjury  should  be  classed 
among  them.  Not  so,  with  justice,  however.  Her 
path  of  duty  has  no  crooked  corners  in  it,  and  she 
should  seek  none  such,  even  when  Science  stands 
handcuffed  in  the  dock.  If  some  poor,  half-starved 
devil  had  robbed  a  shop-till,  there  would  have  been 
no  "  lack  of  evidence,"  circumstantial,  or  otherwise, 
to  send  him  to  jail,  so  long  as  the  thrifty  shop- 
keeper was  in  court  bitterly  to  prosecute  the  stealer 
of  his  plugged  dimes  and  smooth  quarters.  But  in 
the- Loeper  case  it  was  merely  the  robbery  of  a 
grave — with  only  an  empty  coffin  and  a  violated 
corpse  for  silent  witnesses  ;  a  weeping  mother  and 
sister  for  the  prosecution  and  the  lofty  interests  of 
almighty  Science  for  the  defence.  Who  can  won- 
der at  the  result  '( 


OF    WOMEN. 


LITERARY    AND    SEMI-LITERARY. 


There  is  not  a  paper  in  the  North  American  Re- 
view for  May  but  is  well  worth  reading.  The  one 
of  purely  literary  interest  is  Mr.  Whipple's  on 
"  Emerson  and  Carlyle."  Prof.  Alexander  Win- 
chell's  paper  on  "  Communism  in  the  United 
States  "  (from  which  we  shall  perhaps  present  an 
extract  or  two  soon)  is  as  good  reading  of  a  bitter 
style  and  an  abundance  of  disagreeable  truths  can 
make  it.  The  Review  is  a  publication  of  whose 
contents  no  reading  and  thinking  American  can 
afford  to  be  ignorant.  Compared  with  it,  our  pop- 
ular "  literary  "  picture-book  magazines  seem  very 
trivial  things  indeed. 


The  April  number  of  the  Dietetic  Ke/ormer,  a 
magazine  devoted  to  the  interests  of  root-and-weed 
eating,  and  to  the  abuse  of  those  who  nourish  them- 
selves with  "  flesh  meats,"  is  received,  with  a 
printed  request  that  we  "read  and  give  to  a  friend." 
We  shall  not  read  it,  and  would  not  give  it  to  a 
yellow  dog.  Published  in  London  and  Manchester, 
Eng.,  by  certain  cranks  whose  names  we  have  had 
the  happiness  to  forget. 


To  what  virtues  we  are  indebted  for  the  advan- 
tage and  distinction  of  receiving  Dr.  O.  O,  Bur- 
gess's Observations  on  a  Series  of  Fifteen  Successful 
Cases  of  Ovariotomy  we  have  not  the  presumption  to 
conjecture.  If  the  doctor  wishes  us  to  say  it  is  a 
good  book,  that  we  will  cheerfully  do,  but  read  it 
we  will  not  ;  we  are  unwilling  to  do  that  much  for 
ovariotomy — it  never  did  anything  for  us  that  we 
know  about.  Seriously,  there  does  not  appear  to 
be  any  othor  than  personal  reasons  why  such  purely 
technical  publications  should  be  "thrown  round." 

Goffs  Hand-Book  of  Ready  Reference  for  Adver- 
tisers (150  Nassau  street,  New  York)  has  simple 
and  convenient  lists  of  the  best  daily,  weekly  and 
class  newspapers  in  the  various  states,  in  which  to 
advertise.  To  those  receiving  that  kind  of  inform- 
ation this  little  pamphlet  will  prove  useful. 

During  the  past  six  months  there  has  hardly 
been  a  single  issue  of  the  Call  which  has  not  con- 
tained one  or  more  snake  stories  of  the  wildest 
variety.  We  fancy  that  the  scissors  editor  of  that 
valuable  journal  must   carry  his  clips  in  his  boots, 


A  male  stranger  is  never  by  any  chance  allowed 
into  an  Egyptian  harem.  Indeed,  even  to  mention 
the  Sultana,  by  hoping  she  is  well,  is  a  deadly 
offence  in  a  visitor,  though  it  is  notorious  that  the 
Sultan  goes  through  a  fresh  .veddiug  every  Friday 
morning,  and  that  every  now  and  then,  when  his 
seraglio  gets  troublesomely  full,  he  distributes  his 
surplus  wives  among  his  officers.  But,  though 
less  notorious,  yet  not  less  true  is  it,  that,  of  late 
years,  scarcely  a  harem  of  importance  in  the  East 
is  without  European  girls  in  it.  It  is  the  keeper's 
highest  ambition  to  have  one  or  several  handsome 
European — often  English — girls  in  his  possession. 
Every  year  many  girls  are  missed  from  London, 
Paris,  and  other  towns,  and  it  is  never  published 
what  becomes  of  them.  There  are  stories  of  their 
being  decoyed  to  Belgium  ;  but  every  day  in  the 
streets  of  London,  snaky-eyed  Orientals  can  be 
seen  peering  into  the  faces  of  millinery  girls  and 
nursemaids  who  give  promise  of  beauty.  Passen- 
gers by  P.  and  0.  boats  to  Alexandria  have  noticed 
bevies  of  rosy-cheeked  damsels  being  escorted  east- 
ward, without  ever  suspecting  why.  These  girls  are 
tempted  by  the  idea  of  a  life  of  ease  and  indolence. 
They  are  dazzled  by  a  show  of  jewels  and  fine 
clothes,  and  allured  by  stories  of  the  gorgeous 
Eastern  palaces  ;  only  to  find  too  late  that  they 
■have  eDtered  a  squalid  prison,  amid  women  as 
heathen  as  any  of  the  world  can  show,  and  with 
whom  it  is  impossible  to  exchange  a  word  to  while 
away  the  lonliness  of  a  life  which  has  lost  its 
novelty.  So  long  as  they  keep  the  favor  of  their 
lord  they  are  objects  of  persecution  and  plots  ; 
when  they  lose  it  their  lot  is  unhappy  beyond  con- 
ception. Such  stray  lambs  are  seldom  sought  after, 
though  to  their  relatives  they  are  as  much  lost  as  if 
they  had  plunged  into  the  sea.  The  harem  rarely 
surrenders  its  prisoners,  and  if  it  did,  they  are  too 
ashamed  to  return,  poor  and  disillusioned. 


He  did  it  once,  but  he  won't  do  it  again.  Re- 
sisting an  insinuation  that  he  "wasn't  game,"  a 
gentleman  last  week  went  up  into  a  department 
not  usually  invaded  by  men  in  a  certain  large  house 
in  town.  On  a  row  of  wooden  legs,  was  a  won- 
drous display  of  beauteous  hose  that  appeared  to 
dance  before  his  dazzled  vision  like  a  phantom 
ballet.  A  score  of  bright-eyed  customers  seemed 
to  stare  through  him,  and  he  felt  like  a  planet  pro- 
ceeding through  space,  when  he  he  heard  the  young 
lady's  voice  say,  "  Do  you  wish  anything  ?  "  He 
partly  recovered  himself,  and  pointing  to  a  pair  of 
light  blues,  stammered  out,  "  W — what  are  these — 
these  for?"  "To  wear,"  was  the  placid  reply. 
"  Ah,  but  I  mean,  when  are  they  worn  ( ,;  "  Well, 
they're  not  worn  in  bed,  as  a  rule,"  she  said 
maliciously.  "  Ah  they  for  the  street,  or— or 
parties,  and  things  'i  "  he  ventured.  "  Yes,"  she 
said  in  a  steely  tone.  She  looked  defiantly  at  him, 
tapped  the  buttons  of  her  dress  with  a  pencil,  and 
wore  a  general  "  be-careful-sir  "  air,  that  oppressed 
him  and  made  him  feel  hot.  His  eyes  wandered 
up  a  symmetrical  calf  covered  in  flesh  pink  silk 
that  ran  in  under  an  elastic  garter,  and  then 
abruptly  ceased.  The  restless  pencil  went  tap  tap- 
ping on  her  button  at  about  eleven  hundred  to  the 
minute.  "  I  want  to  buy  a  pair  of  stockings,"  he 
said.  "  What  size  ?  "  He  grew  faint  again,  but 
pulling  himself  together,  ventured,  "  Oh,  number 
twelve."  t;We  don't  keep  that  size,"  said  the 
young  lady  tartly.  "  Well,  I  meant  number 
three."  "  I  guess  you  want  baby's  socks,"  she  said 
audaciously.  t(  You  can  be  waited  on  at  the  next 
counter. "  Then  he  fancied  several  persons  giggled, 
and  he  came  out  flushed  and  perspiring,  though  he 
said  afterwards  he  didn't  mind. 


From  an  A  ustralian  paper :  To  Michael  M'Grath — 
This  is  to  give  notice  that  unless  Michael  M'Grath, 
who  has  been  absent  six  years,  returns  within  three 
months  from  this  date,  it  is  my  intention  to  get 
married.  Margaret  M'Grath.  P.  S. — I  may  also 
state  that  I  do  not  wish  him  to  return.-  M.   M'G. 

Here's  comfort  for  thick  girls.  Alphonse  Karr 
says  that  the  best  figures  are  those  that  cannot  con- 
form to  the  vagaries  of  fashion.  A  Grecian  Venus 
could  never  by  any  possibility  have  the  limp  waist 
and  bulgy  bust  necessary  for  a  first-class  society 
belle.  It  is  only  the  broomsticky  girls  who  get  any 
way  near  the  slender  fashion-plate  shape  which  is 
the  envy  and  aim  of  the  miss  of  the  period. 

What  has  become  of  the  widow  of  Walter  Mont- 
gomery ?     It  will    be   remembered    that   Walter's 


death  was  rather  "romantic."  On  a  steamer  lie 
met  the  beautiful  Winnetta  Montague,  and  both 
loved  at  sight.  They  married,  and  all  believed 
they  lived  happily,  till  one  day,  entering  her  rooms 
at  the  Langham,  he  said  :  "  Madame,  I  honored 
you  by  making  you  my  wife.  I  now  honor  myself 
by  making  you  a  widow,"  stepped  into  the  bath- 
room adjoining  and  shot  himself  through  the  head. 
Some  said  she  deceived  him  ;  others,  he  her.  But 
the  mystery  is  unsolved. 

A  lady  with  a  fatal  squint  came  once  to  a  fash- 
ionable artist  for  her  portrait.  He  looked  at  her 
and  she  looked  at  him,  and  both  were  embarrassed. 
He  spoke  first.  "  Wouldn't  your  ladyship  permit 
me,"  he  said,  "to  take  the  portrait  in  profile? 
There  is  a  certain  shyness  about  one  of  your  lady- 
ship's eyes  which  is  as  difficult  in  art  as  it  is  fascin- 
ating in  nature." 


A  Brooklyn  girl  hangs  up  the  clothes  in  the  back- 
yard every  Monday  for  the  laundress.  She  wears 
a  regular  "  washer  woman's  ,:  costume.  The  skirt 
of  old  gold  satin  is  plain,  the  overdress  of  crimson 
cloth  is  turned  up  and  embroidered  in  daises.  A 
clothespin -bag  of  macreme  hangs  from  her  side,  the 
pretty  sleeves  come  to  the  elbow  and  are  caught  up 
by  gold  pins,  and  her  hat  is  broad-brimmed  and 
trimmed  with  a  gilded  clothes-line. 


PRACTICAL     JOKES. 


During  several  years  now  (says  the  New  Yorlj? 
correspondent  of  the  Chicago  Tribune)  the  Lotos 
Club  has  been  frequently  stirred  up  by  the  practical 
jokes  of  George  Couch.  Couch  was  a  power  in  the 
old  days  of  Gould  and  Jim  Fisk  and  Erie  booms. 
He  had  a  good  deal  of  money  in  those  times,  but  I 
am  afraid  he  has  lost  some  of  it,  for  he  is  now  run- 
ning a  little  comic  paper  in  Wall  street  called  the 
Lamb,  to  which  he  furnishes  excellent  mint  sauce. 

Whenever  he  sees  a  chance  to  play  a  practical 
joke  the  temptation  is  irresistible,  and  he  goes 
ahead  without  always  properly  considering  the  con- 
sequences. It  was  not  he  who  passed  off' a  stalwart 
negro  on  a  well-known  club  as  King  Kalakaua,  and 
secured  a  sort  of  reception  for  him  that  lasted  an 
hour  or  two  before  the  trick  was  discovered  ;  but  it) 
was  probably  he  who  -strewed  torpedoes  on  the 
floor  and  made  "  a  heap  of  fun  "  when  Dom  Pedro 
was  received.  *  *■  *  * 

A  distinguished  statesman  died  a  few  years  ago, 
and  next  day  the  members  of  the  club  were  in- 
formed that  his  remains  were  lying  in  state  in  the 
back  room  up  stairs.  With  quiet  step  and  solemn 
mien  they  ascended  and  viewed  the  honored  casket. 
The  light  was  dim,  too  dim  for  a  close  inspection, 
and  it  was  not  until  a  late  hour  in  the  evening, 
when  a  hundred  or  two  had  taken  a  last  look  at  the 
deceased,  that  it  was  discovered  to  be  a  ghastly  de- 
ception— merely  a  sort  of  coffin-shaped  structure  of 
dry-goods  boxes  with  a  pall  flung  over  it,  and  the 
well-known  mask  of  Shakspeare  that  hangs  in  a 
frame  upon  the  Lotos  Club  walls  arranged  to  look 
like  the  face  of  a  deceased  person.  Who  perpetrated 
this  trick  is  not  known.  It  was  hushed  up  at  the 
time. 


AUTOGRAPH      FIENDS. 


Those  humble  enthusiasts  who  collect  contem- 
porary autographs  are  a  sore  trial  to  the  patience 
and  morality  of  men  of  letters.  Their  persistency 
is  malignant  ;  their  dodges  are  subtle  and  in- 
scrutable. Not  long  ago  a  determined  and  impud- 
ent Yankee  boy  by  his  often  coming,  like  that  of 
the  importunate  widow,  "  drew  "  the  autographs  of 
nearly  all  famous  contemporary  Englishmen.  He 
then  published  an  account  of  his  achievements. 
Schoolboys  are  usually  most  persistent  in  this  form 
of  sport.  It  was  probably  a  schoolboy  who  won 
the  most  difficult  and  "  exclusive  "  autograph  of 
all  by  pretending  to  be  a  shipmaster  who  wanted 
to  christen  a  vessel  after  a  great  man,  and  wrote  to 
ask  his  permission.  Persecution  of  this  sort  is  ex- 
cessively grateful  to  the  budding  litterateur  who  is 
carefully  nursing  a  feeble  reputation  by  judicious 
paragraphs  of  gossip  in  the  literary  papers.  But 
to  the  man  of  established  fame  the  letters  of  the 
autograph  hunter  are  as  disagreeable  as  the  begging 
letters  of  parsons  and  the  circulars  of  coal  mer- 
chants and  gold  mining  companies  to  the  ordinary 
citizen.  He  becomes  ferociously  contemptuous, 
and  employs  a  secretary,  refusing  autographs  to  all 
but  the  most  cunning  applicants.  Sometimes  this 
kind  of  Saint  Anthony  yields  to  the  autograph- 
hunting  devil  in  the  form  of  a  fair  woman. 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 
The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.   W.  Tucker  &  Co, 
has  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  Btreeta. 
Friend-  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 

A  NOTED  BUT  UNTITLED  WOfllAN, 

[From  tin;  Bostua  Globe.] 


Ht»sr»j  Editpr*  .— 

The  above  is  a  good  likeness  of  Mrs,  Lydla  E.  rink- 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mass.,  who  above  ail  oilier  human  beings 
may  bo  truthfully  colled  the  •■Dear  Friend  of  Woman," 
as  some  of  her  correspondents  lovetocall  her.  She 
L*  jealously  devoted  to  her  work,  which  Is  the  outcome 
Of  ft  life-study,  and  Is  obliged  to  keep  six  lady 
asidHtants,  to  help  her  answerthe  large  correspondence 
which  dolly  pours  In  npon  her,  each  bearing  Its  special 
burden  of  suffering,  or  joy  at  release  from  it.  Iler 
Vegetable  Compound  Is  a  medicine  for  good  and  not 
"vii  purposes.  I  have  personally  investigated  It  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

Onaccount  of  its  pri>\.n  merits.  It  Is  recommended 
ami  prescribed  by  tliebi  st  physicians  in  the  country. 
On©  Boys:  "It  works  like  a  charm  and  saves  much 
pain.  Itwillcure  entirely  the  worat  form  of  falling 
of  the  uterus,  Leucorrhoea,  Irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation, all  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
ficeration,  Floodlngs,  all  Displacements  andtliecon* 
bequentspinolweakness,  and  is  especially  adopted  to 
the  Change  of  Life." 

It  permeates  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  rigor.  It  removes  fointness,  flatulency, 
destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervous  Prostration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Depression  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down,  causing  pain,  weight  and  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  It  will  at  all  times,  and 
under  all  circumstances,  net  in  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  $1.  per  bottle  or  six  for  $5.,  and  is  sold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  required  as  to  Bpeclal  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  stamp  for  reply, 
at  her  home  In  Lynn,  Mass. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compound  Is 
unsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonials  show. 

"Mrs.  Pinkham's  Liver  Pills,"  says  one  writer,  "are 
the  best  in  the  world  for  the  cure  of  Constipation, 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  livei.  Her  Blood 
Purifier  works  wonders  In  its  special  line  and  bids  foil 
to  equal  the-<3ompound  in  its  popularity. 

All  mustrrespect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  is  to  do  good  to  others. 

Philadelphia,  Pa.  (2)  Mrs.  A.  M.  D. 


SSB"  Cares  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
h&ustion,  Weakness,  Lossol  Manhood  and 
all  ihe  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  youthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.  D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TBTAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


T 


HE  GREAT  CURE 


RHEUMATISM 


Aa  it  is  for  all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS,LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the   worst  forms  of  thin  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  sliort  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  §1.  LIQUID  OK  DBY,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 
14-  Dry  can  be  sent  by  mail. 

WELL&,  RICHARDSON  &  Co.,  Burlington  Vt. 


KIDNEY-WORTV 


$72 


A  WEEK.     §12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNOER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6OQ  KKASNY 8TBSBT, BAb 
i*C  f3  Francisco— Established 
in  l>">i  for  the  treatment  and  cnreol 
Special  Diseases,  m  rvous  and  physical 

or  diseases  wearing  "Li  ooiij 
and  rnlnd,  permanently  cured     The 

sk-k  aiid  uftUctod  should  not  fall  tc 
call  \iyou  bun.  The  Doctor  haB  tr,i 
veled  extensively  in  Europe,  and  In 
roected  thoroughly  the  variouB  boa 
pltftls  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  ol 
valuable  Information,  which  he  it 
competent  to  Impart  to  Uiobo  In  need 
Of  his  Bervlcea.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
in;:  !■  .  no  ■  mhi-i  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  PersonsTi'fa'dlstancc  amy  be O0RKD  AT  HOME.  All 
communication  a  strictly  confidential.  Charges  reaonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  01 U BON.  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  you  aaw  tula  advertisement  Iu  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


tlmwood,    (jrlemvood,   Hudson   aud  Our  Choice. 


nON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
u  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  aa 
they  arc  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Aak 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f 'g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and  Letters  of   In- 
quiry to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


C.  HERRMANN  &  CO. 

iiiiKinitw.    The    Hatter.) 

WILL    GIVE  YOU 

A.    Better    Hat 

For  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coa3t.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny^Street,      336. 

Between    Bush   and    Pine,  San  Francinco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


URES  ALL  PAIrJSjNICE    TO     USE! 


UlltUU  >  A  4  11.,    Iiiu: 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ■ S 

COMPOUND  EXTR  CTS 

—  OK  — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

Thia  compound  ia  Buperior  I 

preparation  hitherto  invented,  c 

inning  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  Hi-'  medical  properties  <>f  the 
t.  lubebs  and  ( 'opaiba.  '  Ine  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  other."-  ta  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  h  (rich  it.  may  be  token 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  nut  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  27*  and"  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  Fob  Sals  Bi  Am,  Druggists. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 

Established    1852. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 

and  BEST 

IB   _A_   T    is    s 

On  the  Pacific  Coast. 

II  ICK1S1I,     RUSSIAN,     STEAM,     SI  I  I'll  1 1( 

nr    oilier     Aletlienleil     ICstlllM. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

tfaf  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),  Nos.  JVi'i,  .VM.  5SG 
and  5'iS  1'iiriflf  Street,  near  Comnierchit  1 1 <  f  ..-1 ,  talwocii 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Carl  Zrik-'s 
Drug  Store.  Open  from  7  A.  m.  to  8  P.  n.,  Sundays  till  3  r.  m. 
Private  rooms  for  patients. 

N.    B.— Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  1800. 


r      INSURE    IN    THE     BEST.  US' 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Dollars.    I'uM  to 

Policy    Holders,  over  Seven    Million    Dollars. 


N 


"The   Old    and    Redable  " 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY, 
Tolill  Assets,        -       -       -        $iso,r.5o,osi.«.-. 
Total   Income,        -      ■      ■    .*ii.4o4,143.so 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure    Life   Policy,  at  liberal   terme, 
ean  apply  to  ,     .,.„,, 

^q,  HAWES,M'ul^'cr  for  Pacific  Coaat. 
■•■•o  Sansomc  Street,      -      -      •     San  Francisco. 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurant  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

Scotch,  Union,  and  National 

Insurance   Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 


HAGASt  .*  MA.NIIE1.H,  MAIDONALD  A  HA  WES 

City  Agents,                          General  Agents, 
401  California  Street,                      OT  Sansome  street, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


II.  R.  Mackarlank. 


Gko.  W.  Macfarlane. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

nitl-i-KOl.l     BUIXDING, S2 '  4EVEBN     STREET, 

Uouolulu,  Hawaiian  Islands.      

Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


THE  LI) 


Ma  s 


I  R  I 


IDE. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc. ,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  fl^The  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  SS  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  §4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  8&t  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


COLUMBUS  BEEWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottliug  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  B5T  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  SSTPrepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Puchs,  529 
E  street,  Sacramento,  and  0.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  SST  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co.,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
■Ssf  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  theTownClouk),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
'  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  &3T  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

LK.  HAMMER,  829  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal. ,  agent  for  Checkering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
*  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
*3T  Strings  a  specialty. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     flSTA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  js  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  establ- 
ished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  £5T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 

STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
86  to  §12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  S2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

SmHE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 

J    J  street,  Sacramento.     Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
^*   MarysvUle.     C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor*.     £3TThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.     The  originator  of 
Tthe  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

"fM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  .beans,  etc. ,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


HtMKV    TIETJEN. 

;  4  i»  HENRT  AH  RE  NSvyjgc   TH.  K»0  RSTEt; 


v/?  .     l4£Q»-i434-  ^-PrfJESTNEABPQUK 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

AVON    THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.     JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  .327  Majn  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     SSW  Send  for  price  list. 

EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  $5  to  S6.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  iJST  Street  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 

FINEST  GRADES  OF  CARRIAGES,  CARRIAGE 
Wheels  and  Carriage  Hardware.  W.  P.  Miller, 
manufacturer,  importer  and  dealer,  cor.  Channel 
and  California  streets,  Stockton.  &3T  Illustrated  Cata- 
logue furnished  on  application. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  JoHN  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 

GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  liue 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  2S0  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
'  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


HT.  DORRANCE,  MANUFACTURER  AND 
importer  of  Saddlery  and  Harness,  California,  La- 
*  dies'  and  Imported  Saddles,  Team,  Concord,  Buggy 
and  Trotting  Harness,  Horse  Blankets,  Linen  Covers, 
etc.,  etc.     No.  185  Hunter  street,  Stockton. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 

MATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  CaL 

ACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  itST Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 

TOCKTON    SAVINGS  AND    LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid   up    capital,   S500,000.      Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.     Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.     Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.     Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.     L.  U.  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


DEALERS  _IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310  Sansorae   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.     Ad- 
dress H.  HALI.BT  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report. 
IX.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

"  BUCHU-PAIBA." 

Quick,  complete  cure,  all  annoying  Kidney,  Bladder 
and  Urinary  Diseases.     $1.     Druggists. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L,  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co. ,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

Ask  for  ".Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

DON'T  DIE  IN  THE  HOUSE. 

"  Rough  on  Rats."  Clears  out  rats,  mice,  roaches,  bed- 
bugs, flies,  ants,  moles,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c. 


SPRING  1883. 
_  As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  pricejs  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 

Vigor,  strength   and   health   all  found  in  one  bottle  of 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


©E    -4-f.    tftQfl  uer  day  ^  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 
tDJ    IU  «D£U  Address  Srissox  is  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most   Delicate. 


(This  Engraving  represents  the  Lungs  in  a  healthy  state. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 

Coughs,  Colds, 

Croup. 

And  Oilier  Throat  and  Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it   has  No  Equal. 

FOB  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 


THE     WASP. 


11 


A     MODEST     CARRIAGE. 


A  paragraph  now  running  the  round*  «-f  the  press, 
gives  the  income  of  the  principal  "lady  million- 
aires," of  Philadelphia.  Among  other  things  we 
are  told  that  "  one  *>f  the  women  attendants  at  St. 
Mark's  church  drives  to  the  house  of  worship  in  a 
modest  carriage.  Her  income  is  $260,000  a  yuar. " 
This  may  he  a  very  noble  example  of  unostenta- 
ti'iustiess,  hut  what  kind  of  a  vehicledoes  the  writer 
of  the  paragraph  imagine  the  lady  would  ride  in, 
supposing  she  was  not  unostentatious  ?  Does  he 
think  that  an  ordinary  woman  witli  $260,000  a 
year  would  go  to  church  in  a  Fourth-of-July-God- 
desa-of- Liberty- car,  or  a  circus-chariot,  or  a  Lord 
Mayor's  coach  1  Or,  perhaps,  since  he  finds  the 
lady's  "  modest  carriage  "  so  remarkable,  he  means 
to  imply  that  most  rich  women  have  an  immodest 
carriage  for  devotional  uses.  In  the  same  way 
when  any  notable  personage  visits  us  the  reporters 
who  describe  him  are  invariably  surprised  and  dis- 
appointed at  his  appearance.  When  the  Marquis 
of  Lome  arrived  the  representatives  of  our  local 
press  were  highly  disgusted  because  "  his  lordship 
received  them  on  the  platform  of  the  car,  clad  in  a 
plain  tweed  suit  and  an  ordinary  soft  felt  hat,''  so 
that  some  of  them  nearly  missed  an  interview 
through  hunting  all  over  the  cars  for  a  personage 
with  a  jeweled  coronet  upon  his  brow,  seated  in 
gorgeous  vice-rpgal  robes  upon  a  massive  throne  of 
gold.  Even  republican  David  Davis  caused  some 
surprise  by  being  attired  in  nothing  more  startling 
than  plain  broadcloth.  Perhaps  after  a  time  per- 
sonages of  rank,  wealth  and  fame  will  learn  that  if 
they  want  to  be  appreciated  in  Frisco  they  must 
appear  arrayed  like  Solomon  in  all  his  glory,  even 
if  they  have  to  invent  a  costume  for  the  occasion. 
What  the  scribes  will  expect  Vanderbilt  to  wear 
when  he  comes  passes  our  imagination.  A  liollow- 
ed-out  diamond  for  a  hat  and  a  suit  of  cloth  of  gold 
encrusted  with  precious  stones  might  do  for  a  rough 
travelling  dress,  however  ;  though  of  couse  he  must 
"  fix  up  :'  as  soon  as  he  trets  to  his  hotel. 


HYMAN. 

Santa  Cruz,  April  28,  '88. 
Deak  Wasp  :— Mr.  Hyman  still  lives  in  the  green, 
grassy  hollow  at  306.  What's  the  matter  ?  An  acquaint- 
anceof  mine  remarked  that  you  were  bought  off.  Being 
an  admirer  of  the  Wasp,  I  immediately  denied  the  asser- 
tion ;  please  come  to  my  assistance.     Yours,  etc. 

The  Central  Pacific  R.  It.  Co. 
V.  S.— My  acquaintance  says  that  "  bought  off  "  won't 
do;  that  you've  bit  off—  more  than  you  can  chew. 

C.  P.  R.  R. 

We  suppose  our  correspondent  of  the  facetious 
signature  refers  to  the  Hyman  who  had  the  indeli- 
cate pictures  in  his  show-window.  Well,  he  took 
them  out ;  that  is,  he  took  out  those  that  were 
partly  draped,  leaving  only  those  that  were  entirely 
nude  and  therefore  comparatively  proper.  How- 
ever, we  don't  propose  to  trust  the  fellow,  and  will 
look  him  up  again.  We  never  knew  a  blackguard 
to  reform. 

Assessor  Holtz  announces  that  he  will  assess  all 
franchises  of  all  corporations.  Acting,  doubtless, 
on  contrary  legal  advice,  Mr.  Badlam  did  not  do 
so  in  many  cases— did  do  so  in  very  few,  in  fact. 
Not  only  will  corporations  have  to  pay  on  their 
franchises  henceforth,  but  "the  law  hath  yet  an- 
another  hold ''  on  them  for  arrears.  It  is  provided 
that  when  levies  have  been  omitted  they  may  be 
made  for  double  the  amount  that  ought  to 
have  have  beeif  assessed.  Under  this  law  Mr. 
Holtz  means  to  cinch  Mr.  Badlam's  exempts.  In 
short,  Mr.  Holtz  seems  determined  to  make  him- 
self variously  disagreeable  and  his  existence  widely 
deplored. 

The  editors  of  the  religious  weeklies  are  behav- 
ing with  decorum  just  now  :  they  have  for  the  time 
being  almost  ceased  to  call  one  another  fool.  If 
they  ever  cease  to  be  fools  we  shall  all  "  hail  the 
dawn  of  a  new  eta." 


The  Board  of  Education  has  decided  to  set  up  a 
11  Business  Department  "  in  the  Boys'  High  School. 
It  is  a  good  plan  ;  it  secures  the  pupils  against  the 
temptations  of  a  commercial  career,  for  after  they 
have  taken  the  new  course  not  a  merchant  will 
have  them  about  his  place. 


woman  who  had  the  bad  luck  to  die  at  tin*  private 
rooms  of  "  a  well  known  capitalist,"  but  all  have 
united  in  themselves  suppressing  the  one  thing  that 
was  sought  to  be  suppressed  — the  l'  well-known 
capitalist's  "  name.  If  a  more  ludicrous  example 
of  sycophancy  were  needed  in  order  properly  to 
contrast  their  assumption  of  virtue  with  their  dis- 
graceful subservience  to  wealth,  these  journals 
could  be  counted  on  to  give  one.  It  may  be  asked 
why  we  do  not  ourselves  disclose  the  "  capitftlifll  B 
name.  For  ten  reasons.  First,  we  do  not  know 
his  name.  Second,  we  have  not  had  time  I"  <■  . 
amine  the  other  nine  reasons,  and  pending  the  de- 
termination of  their  validity  do  not  wish  to  co-mmil 
ourselves  against  them.  ResideB,  we  do  not  feel 
under  any  sacred  obligations  to  assist  the  public  in 
minding  any  man's  business,  and  have  not  been 
"  mad." 
However,  his  name  is  Seth  Cook. 


What  with  international  jealousies  and  interna- 
tional usages,  the  lively  Apache  along  the  Arizona 
border  has  a  pretty  good  thing  of  it.  The  Mexi- 
cans pursue  him  to  the  line  and  leave  off,  or  the 
Americans  hustle  him  there  and  let  him  alone. 
There  is,  we  believe,  a  sort  of  understanding  that 
the  troops  of  either  nation  may  chase  him  a  little 
way  into  the  territory  of  the  other  if  his  trail  is  a 
very  hot  one  ;  but  it  has  not  yet  been  known  to 
happen  that  they  were  less  than  four  days  behind. 
This  gives  the  fleeing  savage  time  to  go  into  camp 
beyond  the  border,  and  when  he  is  in  camp  inter- 
national courtesy  will  not  permit  a  single  trooper 
to  cross  and  dislodge  him  without  the  advice  and 
consent  of  the  Senate,  Mexican  or  American  as  the 
case  may  be.  When  one  is  wanting  to  be  an  angel 
why  should  one  not  want  to  be  an  Apache  at  the 
same  price. 

We  have  noticed  for  some  time  past  that  the 
London  Daily  Telegraph  is  constantly  stealing  edi- 
torials from  the  San  Francisco  Evening  Bulletin, 
merely  changing  a  word  or  two  here  and  there  in 
order  to  adapt  them  to  local  circumstances.  This 
may  be  a  compliment  to  Fitch  and  his  young  men, 
but  we  abhor  literary  theft,  and  unless  the  Tele- 
graph quickly  reforms  we  shall  be  under  the 
necessity  of  exposing  its  practices  in  parallel 
columns. 

At  a  big  meeting  of  Irishmen  the  other  day  one 
enthusiastic  patriot  declared  that  if  he  had  his  way 
he  would  "  place  a  belt  of  dynamite  all  round  Ire- 
land and  blow  every  English  oftiial  out  of  the  coun- 
try." The  gentleman  must  have  great  faith  in  the 
discriminating  faculty  of  dynamite,  but  he  pays  a 
poor  compliment  to  its  taste  in  selecting  victims — 
unless,  indeed,  we  are  to  believe  that  the  explosive 
does  not  think  Irishmen  worth  the  powder  to  blow 
them  to glory. 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS, 


The  daily  newspapers  have  for  several  days  been 
afflicted  with  a  fever  of  indignation  at  the  attempt 
(nacle  to  suppress  the  facts  in  the  case  of  a  young 


Considering  the  importance  of  the  dog  as  an  actor  in 
modern  plays,  it  were  proper  to  discuss  the  bench-show  in 
the  Bense  of  a  seminary  or  lyceum  for  future  theatri:al 
stars  ;  for  who  can  tell  what  particular  histrionic  genius 
may  be  discovered  among  these  yelping  kennels.  Per- 
haps Boucicault  could  be  induced  to  write  a  drama  where- 
in the  terrier  proper  does  leading  business  and  the  Irish 
setter  is  given  an  opportunity  to  unravel  his  wild  conspir- 
acies. Or  might  not  the  great  Bartley  Campbell  profit- 
ably divert  his  dramatic  astuteness  in  favor  of  the  in- 
trigues of  a  Siberian  bloodhound  ''.  There  is  really  no 
lack  of  dramatists  if  but  the  dogs  do  not  become  ex- 
hausted !  The  dog-drama  is  yet  in  its  infancy,  and  it  be- 
hooves us  to  speak  cautiously  and  respectfully  when  re- 
ferring to  dramatists  and  their  material.  There  is  much 
undeveloped  delight  in  the  congenital  humor  of  dog  and 
bard.  But  let  us  to  the  other  theaters.  Thinking  of  the 
past  week's  theatrical  performances  and  their  unvarying 
mediocrity  it  occurs  quite  naturally,  how  injudiciously 
all  that  is  arranged.  We  have  had  weary  weeks  of  monot- 
onous ordeals  when  every  manager  in  San  Francisco  tried 
to  outdo  his  neighbor  in  silliness,  and  now  we  are  close 
upon  the  time  when  there  will  be  a  perfect  glut  of  intel- 
lectual amusement.  Modjeska,  Lawrence  Barrett  and 
the  Wyndhams,  all  at  once  !  Can  this  be  intended  for  a 
sly  hint  of  typical  Western  culture— the  Indian  "Gorge, 
or  tighten  your  belt  "  !  These  cloying  surfeits  of  one  class 
of  amusements  or  another  are  the  bane  of  the  "  star 
system,  and  cause  many  a  regretful  sigh  when  the  good 
old  days  of  good  stock  companies  are  remembered. 

Emerson's  is  probably  the  beet  managed  place  of  amuae: 


the  public  taste  closer  ami  are  more  pliant  in 
tng  it.  That  their  judgmenl  [i  the  correci 
proved   bj  on  can 

impair.      It  is  true  theirs  is  a  style  of  entertainment  which 

appeal  to  the  intelh  i  tusj  ;  mil  thi 
amusement,  pure  and  limple,  and  in  that  thej 
bluntly. 

At  the  Bui  b  \ ...  t  will 

give  way  to  Scanlan   in    Friend  and    /■'■  ■ 
ably  is  a  mere  stop-gap  for  tbe  < lin 

Reluctantly  the  German  theatrical  company  disband. 

Their    season   already  extended   hernu  ■<■    ut    tin       ipportU- 

nity   to  reintroduce    Mme,    Cottrelly,    they  tin 
another  week  to  give  their  treasurer,  Mr.  S.   Hirscb,  a 
benefit  on  the  evening  of  May  6th.    A    Trip  on    S/tara 
will  be  the  attraction.     Last  Sunday's  German  perform- 
ance was  a  must,  excellent  one.      Mme.  I  'ottrelly,  though 
she  enjoys  an  enviable  reputation  as  a  soubrotte,    urpa 
ed  all  her  previous  efforts.    Her  lively,  healthy  humor, 
her  unlimited  cleverness  and  the  evident  sympathy  ol  all 
the  other  performers  kept  the  large  audience  constantly 
amused.    Mr.  Urban  was  particularly  happy  in  his  per- 
formance, though  the  prominence  "f  his  part  ma} 
for  that,  since  every  one  eke  in  the  cast  was   remarkably 
clever. 

At  the  Tivoli,  Nicolai's  Merry  Wim  uj  Windsor  is 
trying  conclusions  with  the  Mel  '.■mil  <  ipera  <  fompany,  It 
has  already  once  before  been  alluded  to,  how  differently 
the  Tivoli  performances  ai>e  judged  since  the  manageiui  nt 
has  seen  fit  to  change  the  character  of  the  place  from  an 
unpretentious   beer-garden  to  the  simulation   of   an  opera 

house.     Where  formerly  the  audiences  were   thedand 

amused  while  they  refreshed  their  inner  men,  they  have 
since  learned  to  criticise  severely,  and  with  the  change  «.f 
seating  accommodations  they  have  grown  more  and  more 
exacting.  It  is  creditable  to  the  management  that  the 
performances  have  really  improved.  The  orchestra  i  ii 
reproachable,  the  chorus  is  very  satisfactory  and  some  of 
the  parts  are  fairly  distributed  ;  yet,  somehow,  whenever 
we  have  a  regular  operatic  company  among  us  the  public 
are  prone  to  neglect  the  home  institution,  inviduous  com' 
parisons  are  in  order  and  the  efforts  of  the  Tivoli  ppopli 
are  not  appreciated. 

On  Wednesday  evening  the  McCaulI  troupe  presented 
Strauss'  Merry  War.  The  same  care  which  characters  i  d 
the  representation  of  the  previous  opera  was  exercised  in 
this,  and  it  must  be  admitted  that  the  nun  en  seem  is  all 
that  could  be  desired.  The  costumes  are  particularly 
fine,  the  chorus  is  judiciously  selected  and  well  trained. 
The  music  is  cleverly  modi  it  betrays  very  little  PJ  anj 
thematic  sentiment  ;  it  glows  and  tingles  with  the  in- 
dividuality of  the  great  waltz-composer,  and  helps  to  un- 
roll a  bizarre  little  story  in  an  agreeable  manner  and  thus 
fills  its  purpose.  Regarding  the  singing,  Mr.  Carletou's 
is  the  only  really  good  voice.  He  possesses  a  rich,  I  rue, 
baritone  and  phrases  with  rare  intelligence  and  precision  ; 
his  acting  is  uncommonly  good.  Mr.  Perugini  mars  bis 
music  by  an  irrepressible  vibrato,  which,  even  his  hand- 
some appearance  cannot  make  interesting.  He  acts  the 
silly,  gossiping  chatterer  very  well  up  to  the  point  <'f  his 
love-making;  from  that  time"  on  he  drops  the  mincine 
ways  and  simpering  manners  which  he  so  cleverly  assumes 
at  first,  and  falls  back  into  the  genuine  Italian  opera 
spooning.  Of  the  principal  ladies  it  can  be  said  that  the 
premonitory  weakness  which  was  evident  in  their  pre*  ion  ■ 
efforts  is  now  quite  confirmed  ;  their  singing  declines  ac- 
curately in  the  scale  of  their  designation  upon  the  phq 
bill.  Mme.  Cottrelly'a  "  Elsa  "  is  acceptable  and  very 
cleverly  acted.  Miss  Post's  "  Violetta  "  is  a  weak  im- 
personation and  feebly  BUrtg.  The  "  Artemisia  "  of  Miss 
Perring  is  a  very  debilitated  performance.  The  best  num- 
bers in  the  opera  are  the  introduction  and  waltz-finale  ol 

the  second  act  ;  Mr.  Carleton's  introduction  of  "  ' ' to 

me,  my  love  ",  and  Perugini's  "  <  lountes  Melanie 
Waltz."'  Thecomedy  is  Bomewhat  strained  and  a  trifle 
coarse  ;  the  couplet  in  the  third  act,  sung  by  "  Balthazar 
and  "  Elsa,"  is  quite  apt  and  pleasing.  Altogether,  it.  is 
a  very  satifying  performance  ;  the  costuming,  the  group- 
ing and  the  grami  march  contributing  not  a  little  to  that 
state  of  feeling.   ________ ___^— . 


NEW  SALOON  AXI»  OYSTKK  HOUSE. 
The  old  friends  of  Charles  Fowler  and  Kdward  J. 
Schuur  will  be  pleased  to  learn  that  they  have  leased  the 
southwest  corner  of  Montgomery  and  Washington  atrfeetij 
andoueueel  anew  Saloon  and  Oyster  House.  [tiscallec| 
the  "  Merced  Exchange."      gee  card  in  to-days  Wasp 


12 


THE    WASP. 


TALK     BACK. 


(All  contributors  expecting  payment— except  those  with  whom 
we  have  an  understanding— must  either  set  a  price  upon  their 
articles  or  indicate  their  willingness  to  accept  a  price  fixed  by  our- 
selves. Declined  manuscripts  will  be  returned  if  stamps  are  sent 
for  that  purpose.  It  is  necessary  that  the  editor  know  the  full 
name  and  address  of  every  contributor.] 

Superior  Court. — The  statement  was  not  intended  to 
be  taken  as  accurate.  However,  we  should  have 
published  your  letter  if  we  could  have  made  out  any 
signature  to  it. 

Stockton. — The  article  is  very  good  ;  our  rejection  of  it 
is  the  result  of  a  dtfective  judgment. 

J.  A. — Cut  you  down  a  bit.  Don't  try  to  approve, 
please  ;  bend  all  your  efforts  to  enduring. 

Various  Well-Meaning  Persons.— Don't  send  us  in- 
vitations to  picnics,  excursions,  dinners,  balls  and 
amusements.  They  go  into  the  waste-basket  ;  you 
think  them  accepted  and  accuse  us  of  ingratitude  in 
not  having  given  you  ten  dollars'  worth  of  quid  for 
fifty  cents'  worth  of  quo. 


THE     YOSEMITE     FALL. 


Among  the  countless  descriptions  of  this  famous 
cascade  we  do  not  remember  any  that  is  better 
than  the  following  from  an  English  magazine  : 

No  wonder  the  Indians  reverence  the  beautiful 
Yosemite  Falls.  Even  the  white  settlers  in  the 
valley  cannot  resist  their  influence,  but  speak  of 
them  with  an  admiration  that  amounts  to  love. 
Some  spend  the  winter  in  the  valley,  and  they  told 
me  that  if  I  could  see  the  falls  in  their  winter  robes, 
all  fringed  with  icicles,  I  should  gain  a  glimpse  of 
fairy  land.  At  the  base  of  the  great  fall  the  fairies 
build  a  real  ice  palace,  sometimes  more  than  100 
feet  high.  It  is  formed  by  the  ever-falling,  freezing 
spray,  and  the  bright  sun  gleams  on  this  glittering 
palace  of  crystal,  and  the  falling  water  striking 
upon  it  shoots  off  in  showers,  like  myriads  of  opals 
and  diamonds.  But  when  I  first  beheld  them,  on  a 
bright  May  morning,  not  an  icicle  remained,  and 
the  falls  were  in  their  glory.  I  had  never  dreamed 
of  anything  so  lovely.  I  confess  that  I  am  not  a 
keen  lover  of  waterfalls  in  general,  and  am  often 
inclined  to  vote  them  a  bore,  when  enthusiastic 
people  insist  on  leaving  the  blessed  sunshine  to  go 
ever  so  far  down  a  dank,  damp  ravine,  to  see  some 
foolish  driblet.  But  here  we  stand  in  the  glorious 
sunlight,  among  pine  trees  a  couple  of  hundred 
feet  in  height,  and  they  are  pigmies,  like  ourselves, 
in  presence  of  even  the  lowest  step  of  the  stately 
fall  which  leaps  and  dashes  from  so  vast  a  height 
that  it  loses  all  semblance  to  water.  It  is  a  splen- 
did bouquet  of  glistening  rockets,  which,  instead  of 
rushing  heavenward,  shoot  down  as  if  from  the 
blue  canopy  which  seems  to  touch  the  brink,  2,700 
feet  above  us.  Like  a  myriad  falling  stars  they  flash, 
each  keeping  its  separate  course  for  several  hundred 
feet,  till  at  length  it  blends  with  10,000  more  in 
the  grand  avalanche  of  frothy,  fleecy  foam,  which 
forever  and  forever  falls,  boiling  and  raging  like  a 
whirlpool,  among  the  huge  black  boulders,  in  the 
deep  caldron  below,  and  throwing  back  clouds  of 
mist  and  vapor.  The  most  exquisite  moment  oc- 
curs when  you  reach  some  spot  where  the  sun's 
rays,  streaming  past  you,  transform  the  light  vapor 
into  brilliant  rainbow  prisms,  which  gird  the  fall 
with  vivid  iris  bars.  As  the  water  rockets  Hash 
through  these  radiant  belts,  they  seem  to  carry  the 
color  onward  as  they  fall  ;  and  sometimes  it  wavers 
and  trembes  in  the  breeze,  so  that  the  rainbow 
knows  not  where  to  rest,  but  forms  a  moving 
column  of  radiant  tricolor.  So  large  a  body  of 
water  rushing  through  the  air  naturally  produces  a 
strong  current,  which,  passing  between  the  face  of 
the  rock  and  the  fall,  carries  the  latter  well  forward, 
ao  that  it  becomes  the  sporr  of  every  breeze  that 
dances  through  the  valley  ;  hence  this  great  column 
is  forever  vibrating  from  side  to  side,  and  often 
forms  a  semi-circular  curve.  The  width  of  the 
stream  at  the  summit  is  about  20  to  30  feet,  but  at 
the  base  of  the  upper  fall  it  has  expanded  to  a 
width  of  fully  300  feet  :  and,  as  the  wind  carries  it 
to  one  side  or  the  other,  it  plays  over  a  space  of 
about  one  thousand  feet  in  width  of  a  precipitous 
rock-face,  1,600  feet  in  depth.  This  is  the  height 
of  the  upper  fall. 


A     LITTLE     STEAL, 


When  it  was  announced  a  few  weeks  ago  that 
Attorney-General  Brewster  had  decided  that  the 
and  granted  by   Congress   to   the    New    Orleans, 


Vicksburg  and  Baton  Rouge  railroad  could  be 
claimed  by  an  entirely  different  corporation  (the 
New  Orleans  Pacific),  the  Tribune  was  the  first 
public  journal  to  point  out  that  this  precedent 
could  be  made  to  cover  the  Texas  Pacific  land 
grant.  Our  apprehensions  on  this  point  are  partly 
fulfilled.  The  managers  of  the  Southern  Pacific, 
having  completed  their  circum valla ti on  of  ruling 
and  precedents,  have  summoned  the  trustees  of  the 
public  domain  in  the  Land  Office  and  Interior  De- 
partment to  annul  the  surrender  of  the  Texas 
Pacific  land  grant.  The  land  grant  of  the  Texas 
Pacific  comprises  over  14,000,000  acres,  and  its 
value  is  calculated  $25,000,000.  It  has  never  been 
earned,  for,  at  the  date  fixed  for  the  completion  of 
the  road— May  2,  1882— but  181  miles  had  been 
built,  and  1,302  miles  remained  to  be  constructed. 
—N.    Y.   Tribune. 


With  ill-concealed  and  disloyal  exultation  the 
Alexandria  (Va.)  Gazette  remarks  : 

Somehow  or  other  it  seems  that  Alexandria  is  no 
respecter  of  persons,  so  far  as  Presidents  are  con- 
cerned, and  that  she  never  has  treated  them  any 
better,  and  sometimes  worse,  than  she  treats  other 
people.  General  Washington  was  knocked  down 
in  her  market-place  ;  General  Jackson  had  his  nose 
pulled  at  her  wharf  ;  Mr.  Johnson  stood  for  half 
an  hour  on  the  platform  of  the  train  at  the  foot  of 
King  street,  when  connection  with  Washington  was 
made  by  steam-boat,  without  having  a  word  ad- 
dressed or  a  hand  extended  to  him  ;  Mr.  Hayes 
had  his  shin  skinned  by  being  precipitated  from  a 
stand  at  the  intersection  of  King  and  Washington 
streets,  and  now  Mr.  Arthur  has  passed  through 
and  only  had  negro  porters  and  boot-blacks  to  stare 
at  him. 


A  middle-aged  gentleman,  an  evening  or  two 
since,  was  passing  along  the  street  when  he  met  a 
young  man  who  for  a  moment  he  thought  was  one 
of  his  acquaintances,  but  on  looking  more  closely  it 
proved  to  be  some  one  else.  The  youth,  who  was 
rather  diminutive,  was  walking  with  a  lady,  and 
resenting  what  he  fancied  was  unwarranted  star- 
ing, he  snapped  out  —  "  Well,  I  hope  you'll 
know  me  the  next  time  you  see  me."  "  Don't 
know,"  replied  the  elderly  man,  "  I  might  know 
you  now,  if  I  had  my  glasses  on.  If  you  hadn't 
spoken  I  wouldn't  have  known  you  were  there." 
This  was  too  much  for  the  sensitive  little  man,  and 
he  moved  along,  hot  with  indignation,  which  was 
by  no  means  lessened  by  the  unconcealed  amuse- 
ment shown  by  the  lady  on  his  arm. 


The  juiceless  dude— his  lassitude, 
His  shrimpy  build,  his  assitude  ! 
With  his  cigarette  and  his  twiddling  cane, 
With  his  spindle  legs  and  his  bit  of  brain, 
His  neck  and  his  elbows  held  just  so, 
God-a-mercy,  look  at  him  go  ! 

— If.   Y.  Com,  Advertiser. 


"  My  son,  said  a  fond  father  to  his  studious  off- 
spring, "  this  picture  represents  the  spot  where  the 
Roman  captives  were  torn  to  pieces  by  infuriated 
wild  beasts;  it  is  the  Roman  Forum.  Imagine, 
my  boy,  the  horrors  of  a  scene  where,  huddled  to- 
gether in  their  affright,  the  trembling  captives 
awaited  their — their  destruction  ;  where  the  sav- 
age beasts,  maddened  by  hunger,  bounded  into  the 
Forum  and— and  "— "  went  for  um,"  chimed  in 
the  practical  student.  The  lecture  closed, — Boston 
Courier. 


Dr.  Holmes  sketches  the  dude  in  his  latest  poem  : 

"  Our  last  hatched  dandy  with  his  glass  and  stick 
Recalls  the  semblance  of  a  new-born  chick  ; 
(To  match  the  model  he  is  aiming  at 
He  ought  to  wear  an  egg-shell  for  a  hat)." 


A  banker  who  was  seriously  ill  sent  for  a  priest. 

At  the  same  time  his  cashier  arrived,  and  accord- 
ing to  custom  was  telling  his  master  about  the  state 
of  his  affairs,  when  the  priest  was  announced. 

*'(  Ask  him  to  wait,"  said  the  banker. 

"  But,  monsieur,  there's  not  a  moment  to  be 
lost  '.  " 

"  That's  true,  but  business  before  pleasure,  you 
know  !  " 


"  Now,"  says  the  Trenton  Times,  "  that  spring's 
etherial  mildness  is  about  ready  to  distribute  itself 
among  us,  it  will  be  in  order  for  the  cigarette 
smoker  to  die  of  malaria," 


Failing! 


That    is    what 
many    peopl 


great 
are  doing. 
They  don't  know  just  what 
is  the  matter,  but  they  have 
a  combination  of  pains  and 
aches,  and  each  month  they 
grow  worse. 

The  only  sure  remedy 
yet  found  is  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters,  and  this  by  rapid 
and  thorough  assimilation 
with  the  blood  purifies  and 
enriches  it,  and  rich,  strong 
blood  flowing  to  every  part 
of  the  system  repairs  the 
wasted  tissues,  drives  out 
disease  and  gives  health  and 
strength. 

This  is  why  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  will  cure 
kidney  and  liver  diseases, 
consumption,  rheumatism, 
neuralgia,  dyspepsia,  mala- 
ria, intermittent  fevers,  &c. 

Mr.  Simon  Bl.inchard,  a  well- 
known  citizen  »f  Hayesville,  Meade 
county, Kentucky,  says  :  "  My  wife 
had  been  sick  for  a  long  time,  and 
her  constitution  was  ail  broken 
down  and  she  was  unable  to  work. 
She  was  advised  to  use  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters,  and  found  it  to  work  like  a 
charm.  We  would  not  now  be  with- 
out it  for  any  consideration,  as  we 
consider  it  the  best  tonic  in  the 
world." 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  not  a  drink  and  does  not 
contain  whiskey.  It  is  the 
only  preparation  of  Iron 
that  causes  no  injurious  ef- 
fects. Get  the  genuine. 
Don't  be  imposed  on  with 
imitations. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered^irine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a  victim  P  THEN  DO  WOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney-Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
griBtB  recommend  it)  and  it  win  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
■  of^iAC  For  complaints  peculiar 
UdUlvSv  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  "weaknesses,  Kidney-  Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  wlU  act  promptly  and  safely. 

Either  Sex.  Incontinence,  retention  of  urine, 
brick  dust orropydeposits,anddull  dragging 
painB,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power. 
±3-    SOLD  BY  ALL  DRUGGISTS.    Price  $1. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

la  a.  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  too  evil  effects  ot 
youthful  follies  and  excesses. 

DR.  JNltVriK,  who  is  a  rec;iil;ir  physician, 
graduate  of  the  University  of  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  Forfeit  Five  Hundred  Dullard  for 
o,c:ihoorthckind  the  VITAL  RE8TORATIV8 
(under  his  special  sidvice  and  t  re  a  Uncut)  will 
not  euro.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  th* 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  nuv  address,  confi- 
dentially, by  A.  K.  MINTIE.  M.  D-,  No.  11 
Kearny  Street,  S.  F.     Send  for  pamphlet. 

SAMPLE  BATTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  lo 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
sex  and  a.ija-  Strict  Beertcy  in  fll  tranga.atlon$- 


THE    WASP. 


IS 


WHAT     IS    A     RELIGIOUS      PAPER, 


A  contemporary  asks  :  "  What  is  a  religious 
newspaper  1  "  Ask  us  something  harder.  A  re- 
ligious newspaper  is  so  many  pages  of  bad  paper 

tilled  with  blasphemies  and  bogus  advertisements. 
It  is  an  organ  which  sells  salvation  to  its  subscribers 
at  so  much  a  copy,  and  gratuitously  consigns  to 
damnation  the  suuls  uf  every  man  .luck  of  an 
opposite  sect.  If  it  happens  to  be  called  the  Harch- 
bru  aup,  it  damns  all  Orangemen  from  William,  of 
pious,  glorious,  and  immortal  memory,  down  to 
John  Davies,  long  since  forgotten  ;  if  the  Bowl,  it 
kneels  down  on  its  ape's  knees  and  raves  and  curses 
like  Shimel,  and  foams  at  the  mouth  like  Rab- 
shakeh,  from  the  rising  of  the  sun  even  to  the 
going  down  of  the  same,  against  every  idolatrous 
Papist  that  ever  crossed  himself  with  holy  water. 
Even  in  its  sleep  it  keeps  up  its  monotonous  cry  of 
11  To  hell  with  the  Pope."  The  religious  rag 
breeds  bad  blood,  and  hatred,  and  uncharitableness 
between  people  who  have  a  hard  enough  struggle 
to  get  through  the  world  without  flying  at  each 
other's  throats  about  the  disputes  of  a  few  old  fools 
who  were  eaten  by  worms  hundreds  of  years  ago. 
And  it  does  all  this  to  fill  the  hungry  maw  of  a 
number  of  holy  hysenas,  who  should  be  hunted  like 
lepers  out  of  every  clean  and  civilized  community. 
This  is  what  a  religious  newspaper  is. — Sydney 
Bulletin. 


This  original  composition  was  produced  by  a 
promising  youth  of  Virginia.  The  subject  was 
"  Enterprise/'  "  Enterprise  is  a  good  thing. 
Columbus  enterprised  America.  If  Columbus 
hadn't  done  it  we  should  be  nowhere,  for  nobody 
knew  anything  about  America  but  the  Indians,  and 
they  wouldn't  tell." 


GEXUIXE    TESTIMONIALS. 

For  the  good  treatment  and  real  cure  of  many  diseases, 
without  the  use  of  nasty  medicines  and  poisonous  drugs, 
Dr.  MacLennan  has  numerous  high  testimonials.  He 
cures  the  most  hopeless  cases.  Read  his  advertisement  on 
the  outside  cover  of  to-day's  issue. 

"FLIES  ANU    BUGS." 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."    15c. 


GENUINE    LAGER    EIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Brewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  best  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  £5T  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


■'  It  is  not  necessaiy  to  enter  into  particulars  in  referring 
to  the  complicated  organic  and  functional  difficulties  to 
which  the  more  delicate  classes  of  American  women  are 
subject ;  but  we  take  pleasure  in  saying  that  Mrs.  Lydia 
E.  Pinkham's  Great  Remedy  for  all  these  troubles  has  an 
unbounded  popularity. 

The  excursion  season  to  Santa  Cruz,  the  Big  Trees,  and 
all  the  points  of  interest  along  the  South  Pacific  Coast 
Railroad,  has  opened  with  promise  of  abundant  profit  to 
the  road.  The  round  trip,  to  and  from  Santa  Cruz,  can 
be  made  on  the  excursion  trains  at  the  low  rate  of  $5,  and 
the  ticket  is  good  from  Saturday  to  Monday.  There  is 
not  a  more  charming  bit  of  country  anywhere  than  the 
whole  line  of  this  popular  road,  from  San  Jose  southward. 
An  excursion  to  any  of  the  favorite  points  along  it  is  the 
most  acceptable  act  of  Christian  worship  that  can  be  per- 
formed on  the  Lord's  Day. 


Weak  muscles  and  nerves,  sluggishness  of  thought  and 
inactivity,  cured  by  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 

THE    UNIVERSAL. 

This  Association  of  Benevolent  Insurance  for  unmarried 
persons  has  paid  up  to  date  endowments  amounting  to 
822,910  45.  The  Hon.  E.  C.  Tully  is  President  of  this 
Company,  and  W.  Price,  Esq.,  formerly  publisher  and 
editor  of  the  Santa  Barbara  Press,  is  Secretary  a7id  Gen- 
eral Manager.     Their  office  is  1038  Mission  street. 

THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen— take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  and  courteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable — ranging  from 
$1  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 


Electric  Light ! 

The  California  Electric  Light  Company,  at  the  last 
meeting  of  the  Board  of  Supervisors,  presented  a  commu- 
nication setting  forth  its  willingness  to  contract  for  light- 
ing the  public  streets  of  the  city  at  a  price  much  less  than 
that  paid  to  the  gas  companj'-  under  the  contract  made 
some  six  or  eight  months  ago.  In  the  district  bounded 
by  Market  street,  Van  Ness  avenue  and  the  water  front 
there  are  1,700  street  gas  lamps,  aggregating  217,000  can- 
dle-power, and  maintained  at  a  cost  of  §77,350  per  an- 
num. The  Electric  Light  Company  proposes  to  place  in 
the  district  described  210  lights  of  2,000  candle-power 
each,  aggregating  420,000  candle-power,  for  the  sum  of 
905,520.  These  lights  are  to  be  placed  on  poles  thirty 
feet  high,  one  of  which  will  be  set  at  the  crossing  of  every 
alternate  principal  street.  The  following  is  from  the 
Daily  Los  Angeles  Tiims  of  Apri:  28th  : 

San  Francisco  has  been  in  darkness  for  some  time,  so  far 
as  street  lights  have  been  concerned.  The  California 
Electric  Light  Company  has  made  a  proposition  to  re- 
place 1700  gas  lamps  of  sixteen-candle  power  and  main- 
tained at  a  cost  of  §77,350  per  annum  with  210  electric 
lamps  aggregating  420,000  candle-power,  for  the  sum  of 
§65,520  per  annum.  These  lights  are  to  be  set  upon  forty- 
foot  poles  at  the  crossing  of  every  alternative  street. 
From  private  sources  it  is  learned  that  there  is  a  senti- 
ment largely  in  favor  of  the  electric  light  which  will  give 
a  much  better  light  for  a  great  deal  less  money.  Oakland 
is  also  looking  longingly  toward  this  superior  illuminant, 
and  the  gentlemen  from  the  city  who  were  delegates  to  the 
Sunday  School  Association  examined  the  works,  the 
power  of  the  illuminant,  and  the  extent  of  territory 
which  the  lights  covered  with  a  great  deal  of  interest  and 
minuteness.  Thus  it  is  likely  that  the  metropolis  and 
Oakland  will  follow  the  footsteps  of  San  Jose  and  Los 
Angeles  in  adopting  the  light  of  the  nineteenth  century, 
after  being  bankrupted  by  the  old  monopolies  and  com- 
pelled to  abide  in  darkness  for  a  lack  of  means  wherewith 
to  pay  for  lighting.  Indeed,  these  cities  could  not  do  bet- 
ter than  to  do  so.  The  people  of  Los  Angeles  feel  rich  in 
having  the  light.  Her  streets  are  lighted  as  they  never 
were  before.  More  than  four  times  the  extent  of  tenitory 
is  now  lighted  than  under  the  old  regime,  and  for  about 
the  same  cost.  There  is  no  more  growling  and  grumbling 
over  the  lighting  of  the  streets,  which  used  to  form  an 
ever-ringing  chorus.  There  is  still  a  need  of  other  masts, 
and  they  will  undoubtedly  be  put  up,  but  the  present  sys- 
tem gives  eminent  satisfaction.  Mr.  Howlaixd,  the 
Superintendent  of  the  works  in  this  city,  to  learn  how  the 
light  was  viewed  by  the  officials  and  prominent  citizens  of 
the  city,  sent  to  many  such  requests  that  they  give  hi™ 
their  opinion  of  the  light.  He  has  received  twenty-four 
replies,  and  all  vie  with  each  other  in  praise  of  the  new 
light.  A  peculiarity  of  this  light— and  this  feature  is  par- 
ticularly dwelt  upon  by  all  of  those  who  have  expressed 
their  opinion—is  that  it  shows  to  better  advantage  in  wet 
or  foggy  weather  than  in  bright,  clear  weather.  The 
darker  or  more  foggy  the  weather,  the  better  the  light. 
In  fact,  it  shines  out  strongest  when  most  needed. 

The  light  is  also  an  attractive  feature  to  all  visitors,  and 
Los  Angeles  has  had  many  gratuitous  advertisements  by 
their  writing  from  here  to  friends  elsewhere.  The  light 
can  be  especially  recommended  for  San  Francisco  and 
other  places  on  the  bay  where  fogs  are  frequent. 


Are   You  Going   East  ? 
IIF1    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

To  pass  through  the  old  Historical,  most  densely  popu- 
lated, richest  and  best  portions  ol  the  country  lying  be- 
tween the  PACIFIC  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  which  is  sparsely  settled,  desolate  and 
uninteresting.  Hence,  when  purchasing  yonr  ticket,  he 
particular  to  see  that  it  reads  by  way  of  the  <  irand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


This  line  has  always  stood  in  the  first  rank  with  Cali- 

fornians  and  has  carried  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent. 

IF  YOU  SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Central  Pacific  R.  R.,from  San  Francisco  to 
OGDEN,  and  the  Denver  S  Rio  Grande  R.  R.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot  at  Denver  with  the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
"  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  either  via  Kansas  City  or 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  first- 
class  style.  If  you  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  is 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific  R.  R's,  from 
San  Francisco  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  with  the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE." 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.  If  you  select  the  Southern  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific  and  Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  andUnion 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,  CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &  QUINCY 
Short  Line  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  at  KANSAS 
CITY,  and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arri  /al  at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the  Eastern  Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to  passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Harper's  Ferry,  famous  Horse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  of  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all  that  is  most  gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's  end,  besides  being  assured  of  all  that  is 
luxurious  in  traveling  across  the  continent  from  the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  Bl  1ST1  IN. 

All  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this   line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quinoy  R.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Rail- 
road in  the  world  for  all  classes  of  travel. 


Important    to    Tourists   and    Visitors. 

Make  no  mistake.  Sec  MR.  McKAV.  al  Ills  new 
olnec,  3-1  Montgomery  Street,  before  making  arrange- 
ments tor  your  trip  across  llie  continent. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Car  Accommodations, 
Cheeking  your  Baggage,  and  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without'  charge. 

Special  attention  shown  to  Australian,  New  Zea- 
land, China  and  Japan  Passengers. 

T.   D.  McKAY, 

General  Railway  ami  Steamship  Passenger  Agent. 

32    MONTGOMERY    STREET, 
S.AN    FRANCISCO. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


WHY    THEY    STEAL. 


A  Russian  paper  accounts  for  the  scandalous 
frauds  in  the  administration  for  the  last  three  cen- 
turies by  the  convenient  theory  of  natural  law. 
The  Russians  are,  it  declares,  a  mixture  of  Slavo- 
nians with  Tartars  and  Finns.  There  is  a  scientific 
look  about  the  theory  which  makes  it  extremely  at- 
tractive to  those  who  are  quite  sure  they  have 
neither  Slavonian,  Tartar  nor  Finnish  blood  in  their 
veins,  as  well  as  to  the  pure  bloods  of  the  three 
races,  since  it  is  only  the  mixture  that  is  fatal. 
When  it  is  considered  that  everybody  who  is  any- 
body knows  all  about  his  ancestors,  in  England 
and  America  as  well  as  in  Russia,  it  is  clear  that 
there  is  a  great  future  for  this  excellent  doctrine 
of  human  depravity.  Evolution  triumphs  all  along 
the  line,  and  when  more  is  known  about  the  proper 
and  improper  mixtures,  civil-service  reform  will 
find  its  occupation  gone.  A  man's  pedigree  will 
settle  the  question  of  his  appointment.  Just  now 
it  looks  as  if  the  offices  in  America  were  held  by  a 
mixture  of  Slavonians,  Tartars  and  Finns. 

"  Hilt,"  a  well  known  club  man  of  New  York, 
was  out  walking  with  Roosevelt,  when  the  two  bald 
heads  met  on  Fifth  avenue  a  young  ladies'  boarding- 
school  of  about  forty  or  fifty  blooming  girls. 
' '  They  don't  look  so  bad  to  us  yet,  eh,  Hilt  1  " 
said  Roosevelt  with  a  grin  of  satisfaction.  "  No," 
answered  Hilt,  "  0  no  ;  no,  they  don't  ;  but  just 
think  how  like  thunder  we  look  to  them  !  " 


*  The  same  measure  will  not  suit  all  circumstances." 
-but  Kidney-Wort  suits  all  cases  of  liver,  bowels  and  kid- 
ney diseases  and  their  concomitants,  piles,  constipation 
diabetes,  ague,  etc.      Try  it  and  you  will  say  so  too 


SUBSCRIBERS 
Who  desire  to  keep  the  "  WASP  "  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 

SS"  In  the  Diamond  Dyes  more  coloriug  is  given  for  10 
cts.  than  in  any  15  or  25-cent  dyes,  and  they  give  faster 
and  more  brilliant  colors. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  <).  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS? 


Sare  Safe,  Certain 
and     Eirectnal. 

The  Cascara  Mfg  Co.  2313  Madison  Squire,  PWla,  Pa" 


Merced      Exchange. 

MESSRS.     SCHTJTJR     &     FOWLER     HAVING 
leased  the  premises  corner  Montgomery  and  Wash- 
ingtoii  streets,  have  fitted  up  the  same  as  a  FIRST 
<  LASS  SALOON  and  OYSTER  HOUSE. 

NOW    OPEN    TO    THE    PUBLIC. 


RESTORED. 


D  Rnfc  aW„E,B  '  G  ',S  WONDERFUL  GERMAN  INVIG- 

.  ,  VKA10R  has  cured  more  cases  of  Nervous  and  Physical 
Debility  Loss  of  Vitality  and  Weakness  than  all  other  remedies- 
?°,,5iVSd.-,i,c,t,?Hwhotavetailed  t0  fin<i  °-  pennanet  cure  use 
UEBIG'S  INVIGORATOB  and  they  are  guaranteed  permanent 
restoration  to  health  and  strength.  All  the  results  of  excesses 
are  speedily  cured  by  the  LIEBIG  INVIGORATOB.  The  German 
treatment  prevents  permanently  all  unnatural  loss  from  the  sys- 
tem. 

The  Doctor,  a  regular  college  graduate  from  Europe,  will  agree 
to  forfeit  4-1,000  for  a  ease  undertaken  not  cured. 

The  reason  so  many  cannot  get  cured  of  Weakness  and  the  above 
Diseases  is  owing  to  a  complication  vailed  PHOSTATORRHEA 
which  l-e-imi-es  peculiar  treatment 

DE.  LIEBIG  S  INVIGORATOR  No.  2  is  the  only  reliable  REM- 
EDY for  PROSTATORRHEA.  Price  of  either  Iii'vigorator  S2  per 
bottle  or  six  bottles,  J10.  Sent  secureh  packed  on  receipt  of 
price,  or  C.  0.  D. 

Sold  only  at  the  LIEBIG  DISPENSARY,  400  Geary  street. 
San  Francisco. 

Private  entrance,  405  Mason  Street.  Four  blocks  up  Geary 
street  from  Kearny. 

-Most  Powerful  Electric  Belts  free  to  patients. 

It^T  To  prove  the  wonderful  power  of  the  INVIGOR  ATOR  a  S9 
bottle  given  free. 

Call  or  write.     Consultation,  advice  and  examination  fri 
private. 


;  and 


CONSUMPTION 


T  have  a  positive  re. 
mody  for  ilio  above  dls- 
eaBO  ;  by  Its  use  thoiie- 

worat  kind  and  oflonsstiindms  ImrfrbemiTured.  '  ImleeiSrao  °tioi>e 
is  my  fnltb  Initsefflcaey,  that  1  M-IU  aond  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  on  ibis  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er.    Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DK.T.  A.  SLOOTJU    181  Pearl  St     N  T 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
fit worth  (no  free.  Address  E.  O. 
RIDEOUTACO.,10BarelaySt    ST 


I!*      CELEBRATED       "•^ 


fe%»  STOMACH—  ^ 


There  has  never  been  an 
instance  in  which  this  ster- 
ling invigorant  and  anti-feb- 
rile medicine  has  failed  to 
ward  off  the  complaint,  when 
taken  duly  as  a  protection 
against  malaria.  Hundreds 
of  physicians  have  abandoned 
all  the  officinal  specifics,  and 
now  prescribe  this  harmless 
vegetable  tonic  for  chills  and 
fever,  as  well  as  dyspepsia 
and  nervous  affections.  Hos- 
tetter's  Bitters  is  the  specific 
you  need. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


ARTISTIC     PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain    and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGHES, 

511    Snnsoiuc    Street,  Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Ebelxho  Bros Proprietors  and  Managers 

Second  week  and  great  success  of  Nicolai's  Comic 
Fantastic  Opera,  in  three  acts, 

MERRY     WIVES     OF     WINDSOR; 

Or,   FALSTAFF. 

iSf  First  English  production. 


Emerson's  Standard  Theater. 


Wm.  Emerson, 


.Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 


■ : %  i : it \      i<: w:\im;      and      SATURDAY     matinee. 

EMERSON'S     MINSTRELS. 

Our      Star      Company 

—      IN      A      — 

GREAT     PROGRAMME . 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Balcony 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve.     Telephone,  5094. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUST  AVE  FROHMAN Lessee 

Monday,  May  7,  '83. 

MODJESKA 


ADRIENNE  LECOUVREUR. 


ASSISTED  BY 


MR.  H.  BAREYMOEE   and  the  same  powerful  Com- 
pany that  supported  her  in  the  East. 


IN   ACTIVE    PREPARATION: 

Frou-Frou. 

—      AND      — 

As  You  Like   It. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Grand  Musical  Festival 


UNDER    THE    DIRECTION    OK 


THEODORE  THOMAS, 

—   TO     BE     HELD     AT    THE  — 

Mechanics'    Pavilion 


ON    THE    EVENINGS    OV 


June  7th,  8th,  9th,  llth  &  12th, 

—  AND  AFTERNOONS  OV   — 

June    llth    and    13th. 


The  spacious  Pavilion  building  is  being  specially  remod- 
eled for  this  festival — its  dimensions  and  proportions  be- 
ing made  to  assimilate  closely  to  those  of  the  great  Music 
Hall  of  Cincinnati.  A  mammoth  stage  with  reverbera- 
ting sounding-board  has  been  designed  on  scientific  acous- 
tic principles,  and  a  large  number  of  elegant  and  commo- 
dious private  boxes  fitted  up  on  the  main  floor  and  balcony 
circle,  while  the  amphitheater  arrangement  of  the  general 
auditorium  will  render  the  seating  capacity  of  this  vast 
hall  as  nearly  perfect  as  possible. 

Seven   Monster  Programmes. 

Which  will  include  the  widest  possible  range  of  compo- 
sitions in  the  classical,  operatic  and  popular  styles,  to- 
gether with  selections  from  the  celebrated  oratorios,  and 
a  brilliant  repertoire  of  solo  performances. 

One  programme  will  be  devoted  exclusively  to  the  com- 
positions of  Wagner  ;  another  to  these  of  Beethoven, 
and,  at  the  others,  selections  from  the  works  of  Schubert, 
Liszt,  Chopin,  Gluck,  Mozart,  Mendelssohn.  Saint 
Saens,  Berlioz,  Schumann,  Brahms,  Strauss,  etc.,  etc., 
will  be  interpreted  in  a  manner  possible  only  to  be  accom- 
plished by  artists  of  the  highest  rank. 

The  grand  FESTIVAL  CHORUS  of  500  voices,  which 
has  been  organized  and  thoroughly  rehearsed  under  the 
direction  of  Mr.  David  W.  Loring,  will  embrace  many 
prominent  vocalists  of  San  Francisco,  Oakland  and  Sac- 
ramento.       The 

Theodore    Thomas'    Grand     Orchestra 

Will  consist  of  SIXTY  INSTRUMENTALISTS  select- 
ed by  Mr.  Thomas  especially  for  this  Festival  from  the 
New  York  Philharmonic  Society,  and  will  appear  in 
every  concert  in  conjunction  with  the  following  soloists  : 

MISS  EMMA    THURSBY, Soprano 

MRS.   E.   HUMPHREY-ALLEN Soprano 

MRS.  ANNIE  HARTDEGIN, Soprano 

MRS.   BELLE   COLE, Contralto 

MR.   FRED.   HARVEY, Tenor 

MR.   FRANZ  REMMERTZ, Basso 

—  AND    — 

MADAME  JULIE  RIVE-KING, Solo  Pianist 


PRICES: 

SINGLE  SEASON  TICKET  (reserved) $12  50 

DOUBLE  SEASON  TICKET  (reserved), §25  00 

PRIVATE  BOXES  (seating  six)  for  season,  . . .  .$100  00 
PRIVATE  BOXES  (seating  eight)  for  season,.  .-$130  00 

35T  Subscriptions  received  at  music  stores  of  M.  Gray, 
Kohler  &  Chase  and  Sherman  &  Clay ;  also,  at  the 
"  White  House."  Diagrams  for  choice  season  seats 
open  at  above  places  on 

Monday,     May    2ist, 

At  9  o'clock  A.  M. 

RESERVED  SEATS  (single  concerts),. . .  .SI,  -S2  and  S3 
(according  to  location), 

&3T  Sale  of  reserved  seats  for  single  concerts  begins 

Monday,  May  28th, 

At  9  A.  M.  Orders  by  mail,  telegraph  or  telephone,  to 
any  of  the  above-mentioned  ticket  offices  will  receive 
prompt  and  careful  attention. 


>ETNA 

Hot  Mineral  Springs 

SITUATED  SIXTEEN  MILES  EAST  OF  ST. 
Helena,  in  Pope  Valley,  Napa  County.  These  waters 
closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany  in  analysis  and 
salutary  effects.  Boai-d  and  baths,  §10  per  week.  The 
.Etna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  Thursdays  and 
Saturdays  at  1  P.  M.,  connecting  with  the  8  A.  M.  train 
from  San  Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs  at  5:30  P. 
M.  Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlet  to  W.  H.  LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 


THE     WASP. 


10 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

r    of  this  Company  will  nail  from  Broadway 

^  Wharf.  San  Pranclsoo,  tor  pertain  Oolifornia,  Ore- 

n>n,  Washington   and   Idaho  Territories,  British 

r  Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 

California  Southern  Coast  Konte.-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  Ball  everj  Ave  days  at  S  .\.  m.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Loa  Ingelce  ml  San  DlegO,  U  follows: 
ORIZABA,  loth,  20th  ond  oontb.    ANCON,  5th    L5th 

and  25th  of  each  month.     The  Steamer  LOS  ANGELES 
Wednesday  at  8  A.  m.  for  Santa  Cm/,  Monterey,  Ban  Bin 
OCOB,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barliara  and  San  Buenaventura. 

Rriiinii    Colombia    ami     Alaska    i: ■.  -  Steamship 

EUREKA,  carrying  V.  s.  Mails,  anils  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  W.  T.,  Vic- 
toria,  and  Nanaimo,  B.  C.,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  Hanisburg, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Pugct 
Sound  Steamer  leaving  Ban  Francisco  the  30th  of  each  month. 

Victoria  ami  Pngel  Sound  Koule.— The  StenmersGEO.  W. 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA, carrying  Her  BrittanicMaJesty)8aj\d  United 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broad  wav  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  '2  r.  m. 
on  the  10th,  20th,  and  30th  of  each  month,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port 
Townsend,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Steilaeoom  and  Olvmpia,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
r.  w.  op  the  0th,  1I»K  and  -_'9th  of  each  month,  and  Victoria  (Esqui- 
mault)  at  11  a  h.  on  the  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month. 
IWote.— When  Sunday  fallB  on  the  10th,  20th  30th,  steamere  sail 
from  San  Francisco  one  dav  earlier,  and  from  Sound  ports  and  Vic- 
toria one  day  later  than  Btated  above.]  The  Steamer  VICTORIA 
tails  for  New  Westminster  and  Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as 
per  advertisements  in  the  San  Francisco  Alt  a  or  Guide. 

Portland.  Oregon,  Route— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation  Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA.  ORKOON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fanto  &  Co.'s 
Express,  even  Wednesday  and  Saturday  at  10  A.  M.  for  Portland 
and  Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  and  llnmlfoldl  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Fmnciseo  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hook  ton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  even-  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STAN'TINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  P.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL.  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

EHlabllHlied  -  ...  .  .  ,856 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent   Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

(■uarantccd  fur  Ten  Yean*. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 

Prices  20  per  cent.   Lower  tban  any  otber  House  on 
the    Coast. 

*3-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "Si 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louie,  -  Assets,  S45O,O00 
German  InB.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  .  "  350,000 
Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  "  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,      -      --      -      "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansonie  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STEEET.  SAN  FKANOISOO,   CAL. 

Morris  &   Kennedy 

19  and  2i  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


THE       SCENIC       LINE. 

SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Onkinntl,    iiann  ii:i.    Newark,    San    Jose.    I  <>*  Gatos, 
Glemraod,  Pel  ton,  itiu  Trees  and  Santa  Crux. 

"piCTURESQl  E  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  ViKus,  BIO  TREES; 

*  Clara  Valley,  1 

SANTA  CRUZ  than  an>  othei  i 

Equipment  ami  road  bed  flrst-cUusn.      PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 

station;  foot"  of  Market  street,  s SiDB     >t 

8«Ofl  A    M-  daily.  w,"'t  San 
.OU  Mt    Edun,    Alvarad...    ii.ll-,    Newark;  Ccntervillfi, 

Howrys,    Alviso,  Clara,  SAN  JOSE, "J 

Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glen  wood    Dougher!       I     ton   BigTrees 
and  SANTA  CRUz^arriving  12  M.      Parlor  car 

2,Qft  •'■  U*  (Sundays excepted),  Express:  Mt  Eden,  Alvarado, 
■OU     Newark,  Centcrvdl. 
.ft  >SE,  Los  i  latos  ami   ever) 
6:15  l\  M  •  Parlor  car. 

4, Oft  '*•  *>•  (Sunday-;  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE,  I-'-  I 
■OU  intermediate  stations. 


I 
i  itlon  to   *l\  I  \  *  tci  /. 


Stages  connei  i  ftith  CONGRESS 
SPRINGS  tii  EosGatds.  Throngta  Hire,  >j  ■•••  Round  trip.  $*  il; 
ftU  Sunday*.  A  Special  Pusseiincr  I  mln  LeavesSan^i  a 

UH        atli:-25  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  K ran,  is..-,  -.:>>. 

mr   EXCURSIONS    TO    SANTA    C1UY.    AMi    ^-».50  TO   SAN 

%D\M  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sunday-.,  to  return   until  Mnnda\  in 

elusive. 

^O  K\enrslon»  to   BI«;    TREES   find    SANTA  CRUZ,    bvbbi 

■TO      Sunday.  8:?fl  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    ALAMEDA. 

$6:30—  7:30— 8:30—  9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  «|  12:30— 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—0:30—7:30—10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  I  ..ii  rleentli  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— 85*7 
—§6:57—7:57—8:52—9:52—10:52  Ml:^A.  M.  12:52  -1&8— 2:52 
—3:52—1:52—5:52—6:52—10:20  P.  M.     Sundays  only,  7:52  P.  M. 

From  High  street,  Alameda— 65:45—  $6:45— 7:45—  8:35—  9:35 
—10:35— fll  1:36    A.    M.      12:35—1 :35—  2:35— 3:35-4:35-  ! 
—10:05  P.  M.     Sundays  only,  7:52  P.  M. 

5  Sundays  excepted.    .11  Saturdays  ami  Sundays  only. 

StationB  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  ear  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  ami  Transfer  offices  222  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.   M.  GARRATT, 

April  22d.         Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  AgL 


DR.THOMAS  HALL'S 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightlul  appetizer,  (riving tone  and'strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
cont-tantiv  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicel  qualities  excels  anv 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

£2J"For  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  J  AMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cur.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


h  XewSt!  li;s:  Gold  Bcvcted  JCdge  and 

5  ChromoVisiling  Curds  fittest  quality, 

I largest  variety  and  liwrxt  prices,  50 

rhfn*nn.i  with  name.  10c,  a  ijreseni 

uHiheachcrder.VLurtonliR03.&  Co.,GllntonvUle,Conn. 


CARDS/ 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

and 

Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH    THEIR    DNIQI  B   AND  VARIED  ROl  HO  "1"  KlVKR 
and  Rail   Trail  hi    IMuifle 

■ 
Dp  (be  Columbia    i  i  n.WaHa 

intry,  Snake  River  Points,  and 

I  i>  Hi.    ivnd  d'Orellle   Division    ToAinsworth,  Cheney. 
Bpnffue,  Spokane  i  I  d'Orellle,  and  all 

Horuaen   I 

I  i>  the  Willamette  Vallej     Po      HI*, Salem, and 

the  beautiful  country  <i  Southern  bi  igon ; 

Dowh  the  Colombia    Tnrough  thomostpi 
ry  to  Astoria  snd  Intermediate  Points. 

Over  to  Pogel  Sound    To  '  tie.  Port 

i .  ■.  aled  fcw 
.mil  climate  and  charming  prospects. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for   Montana. 

Dally  Stage*  connect  with   trains  on  Clark's  ^Fork  Dhdrfon, 
direct  for  Missoula  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN        MUIR, 
Sup't  <■!  Traffic,  Portland, Oregon. 

San  Franclxeo  office    214  Montaomery  St. 


(863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  KETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of   defective  visioD 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^•AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. _« 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  -  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...AGENTS    FOR.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets,. 

S.  S.  Hepworth's   Centrifugal  .Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering-. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


7~/i(>   T^/dt&fa 


THE       OLD       MAN       OF       THE       8EA, 


W  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES,,---RocuInGVR%prres?ed---p  pure-  Mlld-:    -  ALLEN &  G™™. 

— *- yuftK  irTi).  Fragrant  and  Sweet.       — — - J 


HnuDradarrn,     Richmond,     fa. 


POPULAR    PRICES! 

LARGE    STOCK! 
CHOICE  WOOLEN 


Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  F 


POPULAR   TA^LOn; 

Men's  and  Boys' 
Ready-Made  Chthing. 


ICOJUL 11  HE  fElAIIiOR 


POPULAR    GTYLES ! 


Men's    Furnishing     Goods. 


ree. 


NEW 
ENGLAND 
BAKING 
POWDEG 


And  Fancy  ITeckwear. 
816&S18  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


o 

o 


o 


OUKtS  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold.,  Affec- 
tions  of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause- 

DEPOT,     415     MOXTOOMEKT    STBEET. For  sale  b,  all  Drngsl»M. 


W<*-Ask    For  Q 

ILLOWS    Dl 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-Cart).  Sofia 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Iswton  Bros,  ft  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


AN 

Extraordinary     Razor 

ETAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
•"■  OWN  CO!  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
Is  «o  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QCRE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  ifl  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  In  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  $3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supphed  ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 

The  <lnecQ'H  thru  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORYCfRVING  KNIVES, TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelooaly  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


TWICHEFTT 

•*-**  Kid   Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    &    BRO'S, 

$21     Market    Street, 

OWNERS   OF 

3  p  reck  els' Line   of   Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


For 

WS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

8.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  lfrth  Sta. ,  Sail  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY. 

Undertaker. 

SDocEsaoa  to 

MASSEY    &    YUNO, " 

SiO.    051    SACK  LMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sam  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY. 

Superior    in 


QUALITY. 


hom  f;ii  ^  cn.tSR,  m  to  139  phi  si., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celobratcd 

Decker  Bro'sPiatio 

Also  for  the 
MM  IIKE  and  the  EMEKAON  Piano*. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Musio 
House  on  the  Coast. ^ 

EL  K  WtLLLiR,  J  a.  A.  Carubul 

A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

9an    Francisco 

H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

R-?l  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco, 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Capital  Paid  ITp        . 

Reserve  IT.  S.  Bond* 


S.i.eoo.ooo 

'      IJMW.OOO 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


San  Francisco. 


Agency  at  New  York  62  Wall  street 

I                    Agency  at  Virginia,  Nerada. 
C   Deweese,  Jr.,  '      Buys  and  seUs  Exchange  and  Telegmprilc  Trans- 
fers- Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers?  Credits. 
I      This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealim;  In 
Bullion. 
C.   H.    Moore.       i    . 

jesse moore & co  N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  B.  II ant. 
San  Francisco. 


sou  uaam  fob 


PrB-STISS  SzIaBT,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  UsDaaHUj,,  Jr.,  Sec'y. 


Seltoy    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MANOTACnTftEES   OP  

lead  Pipe,  S  leet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-Friction  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Bloek  Tin,  Pipe,  Bine  Stone,  Etc 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -      -      -      -      san    Francisco. 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

TTTHITE    JROSJh]    FLOTJIRl 

\/\f  MANUFACTURED    BT    THE 

™    "  Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

£3T  See  Ioeal  notice  In  another  column. 


"COLD  DUST"    WHISKEY 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAM  FRANCISCO.  CoHtoraia. 


Piano S 


B"Or,D       KENTUCKY       'WHISKEY.la 


IMMOND'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUR 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for 


TV 
H 

I 

Y 


Chiefaering &  Bona, Boston j  Bluthner, Leipzig; 
F,  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  O.  Sohwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  BAN  FRANCISCO. 
J.  J.  PAI.MBR.  YALBJmHB  RST. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

PEESSES 

And      Material, 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Baboock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,  405&  44>7  sansoineSt,S.  F 

We  hare  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses. 


O-DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO. "«B 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

BtJCCESSOBS    TO 

Craiq  and  Son, 
UNDE  RTAKE  RS 

And    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 

All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  SOW. 


DRINK  FALK'S   MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


*G^  HARDWOOD   LUMBER.- 


.    John    Wigmore, 

13D  j,to    117     SPEAK     STKLLT,    SAN     FBANCISCO. 


DOME  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  goods  House-132  Kearny  St.,suttei|i 


THE  UNIVERSAL 

BENEVOLENT_ASSOCIA-_ 
TION   of  California  "for' Un- 
married Persons. 

OFFICE,  1038  MISSION   STREET. 


NO   CURE,     NO    PAY  1 

T}fL  MacLENNAN,  Vital  Cure,  224  Kearny  st. 

■*■*  Consultation  Free.  For  the  thorough  treatment 
mkI  quick  cure  of  all  curable  diseases  without  the  use 
of  poisonous  druge,  painful  surgery  or  dangerous 
treatment.  The  most  hopeless  cases  taken  and  cured 
after  all  other  means  have  failed.  81.000  will  be 
g+ven  for  any  of  our  published  testimonials  that  are 
Dot  genuine. 

Hon.  E.  C.  MARSHALL,  Attorney-Oeneral  for  Cal- 
ifornia, cured  by  Dr.  MacLennan  of  nervous  prostra- 
tion in  a  few  treatments. 

Hon.  CHAS.  CROCKER,  "  the  railroad  million- 
aire," cured  of  Rheumatism  in  three  treatments. 

Professorr  D.  GONZALIZ  was  given  up  by  his  phy- 
sician to  die  of  Bapped  vitality  and  paralysis  ;  was 
carried  perfectly  helpless  to  Dr.  MacLennan  and  cur- 
ed, now  says—"  In  less  than  one  month  I  was  enabled 
to  resume  my  occupation  as  Professor  of  Music  and 
Tiolinist  at  the  Tivoli  Opera  House,  and  ever  since  (for 
over  a  year)  have  continued  in  good  health,  without 
the  slightest  return  of  my  weakness  or  disease." 

Dr.  J.  WILMHURST,  M.  D.,  M.  R.  C.  S.,  now  at 
Abbotsford  House,  says — "  My  hearing  is  completely 
restored  by  Dr.  MacLennan's  manipulation  alone." 

Rev.  A.  C.  GILES,  Mendocino,  Cal.,  says— "The 
effect  which  your  treatment  had  upon  me  is  truly 
wonderful.     Altogether  I  feel  like  a  new  man." 

Miss  EMMA  JAMES,  San  Leandro,  Cal.,  for  six 
years  a  crippled  invalid,  unable  to  stand  or  walk  ; 
given  up  by  over  a  dozen  doctors;  took  two  weeks' 
treatment  of  Dr.  MacLennan  and  recovered. 

Mr.  A.  WALWORTH,  capitalist,  Nevada  City,  came 
to  Dr.  MacLennan  on  two  crutches  and  returned  home 
in  eight  days  without  them. 

Mr.  J.  S.  BURLINGAME  left  Eureka,  Nev.,  on  a 
stretcher.  After  taking  a  few  treatments  of  Dr.  Mac- 
Lennan he  returned  home  a  well  man. 

And  over  7,000  others,  which  will  be  sent  free  to 
any  address,  or  upon  application  at  the  office  of  the 
VITAL  CUKE,  £34  Kearny  St.  No  charges 
made  unless  a  core  Is  effected. 

ftlt.  J.  D.  MacJLEWW, 

Consulting  Physician. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 


Lungs, 


^Fevers. 


For    Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
P    0     Box  WKk'M    HFa^    Throat    affections 

Address:  ^L-'-       it  has  no  equal. 

VALENTINE    HASSMER,    933  Washington  St:,  cor.  Powell,  8.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    SPITES    STRICT San  Franelse*,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER. 

THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers    of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER 
CULES    POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Franeltt*. 

JNO.  P.  LOHBE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Poet  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coas!  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 91,250,000 

HOME  OFFIOE: 

3.  W.  Cot.  California  and  Sansome  Sis. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 

D.  J.  Staples,  President 

Alpheub  Bull,  Vice-President. 
We  J.  Dotton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Caepestee,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY,    .,*"' 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome'Sts 

OASH  ASSETS  EEPRE8ENTED .""...  $23,613,618 
W.  L.  Chalmers.  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
adjusters.  Capt.  A.  S.  Barns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ~^^S^   MARINE. 

413  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

Capital,    i       ;       t    8300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Prea. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Oustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Steteon,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
400  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


ST     "PIT.  IV/TRT-J  iTH'Tr'      Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  919    fVFA  'R'R'KT.T.   ST"       Nsar   Powell, 

.  J .    JfJCiXWLDriUAVlti,  Flue  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brae  repaired,    ^A^    ^  -T  AXi XA, B,JjJj    D  J. .,   ^  Frauds. 

"The    Baldwin." 


This  Hotel  was  completed  and 
opened  in  May,  1877,  and  is  con- 
ducted on  the  American  Plan. 

Over  $3,500,000  having  been  ex- 
pended by  Mr.  Baldwin  in  its  con- 
struction and  furnishing. 

The  Baldwin  is  the  most  ele- 
gantly appointed  H  >5el  in  the 
world. 


Situated  on  Market  Street,  at 
the  lLttiKctkn  cf  level!  and  EcMy 
Streets,  and  fronting  on  four  prin- 
cipal streets  in  the  business  center, 
it  is  convenient  of  access  to  and 
from  all  quarters  of  the  City. 
Eight  lines  of  Street  Cars  pass  its 
doors. 

Httel  Coachts  and  Carriages  in  „ 
waitirg  at  all  St  can  er  ar-d  Pailvoy 
Depots. 


The  Leading  Hotel  of  San  Francisco,  California. 


TOURISTS'        HEADQUARTERS. 


ftfK-tial  Accommodations  for  Families  ami    Large  Parties. 


Prices  the  sanic   n*  at  other  Pirst-elass  Hotels— $S  50   to  $5  per  day. 


H.  H.  PEARSON,  Proprietor, 


BRUSH    HARDENBURGH,    Chief   Clerk,  > 
M.    A.    FRENCH,    CashIer.  I 


Formerly  Proprietor  of  '•'  The  Cosmopolitan,"  San  FranciBCO. 


CKe--^   I  ii  mac  Ay.  en  Cbampajrne. 


MUllf     BL.iNt- Extra    Dry, 

In  •&•&•-  'i'j;irts  and  pints. 

CABINET     i.Kl.r\      SEAL, 

In  U'isket;,  quarts  and  pints. 

t>Bl>t  W\    RED   AND  WHITE   MINES, 

In  :asts  from  Messrs.  A.  tie  Luze  &  Fil3. 

HOCK     WINES. 

|  lln  cast*  from  G.  M.  Pat-struann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

Claries  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
I    314       sAtRAttENTO       STBEET. 


HENRY  LUND  &  Co,  Agents, 

.'14  California  M.,  San  IriiniKiu,  <  nl. 


"White  House"  Whiskies,     "Excelsior!"        "Excelsior  l" 

o.    z  i  in-  ^r  s  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 


m.rinsT  boixajid  en, 

IIMAIII       IMUMIMv 

PORT.     SIIF.RR1 
In  bond  or  dnlv  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 

318    Front      Street,    Room     '.',      *un     Franciseo 


Montgomery   stri'it  (Masonic  Templet. 

FRANCISCO. 


ETHESDA 

AGENCY,  4IS  SACRAMENTO  ST.,  S.  F. 

For  sale  at  all  first-class  SALOONS. 


Merchant  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DOPONT. 

San    Francisco.   Cal. 

J.  Schwartz.  -       -hlpper. 


James  Soba. 


A.    BOCQl'KRAZ 


SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

corner  Front  and  Jackson    Street*, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


MA  RTI  N     &.    Co., 


Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  I»ealers.    g 

"  MILTOX    J.    BARDV," 

u       ....  "J.    f.    tlTTER." 

and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA."  _ 

Old    Bonrbon    Wlil.kle-.' 


mz  COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOC 

(Gas  speeialists  (or  extracting  teeth  \,  ithout  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Bu  i  I  ding, 

ROOMS    C.    :-    and      10, 
b,  606  Market  street 

Br.  t'HAS    «'.    KM  Kl  It.   Dentist 


408    FRONT    "S  T  R  E  E  T  ,   S.    F.' 


"Give  my  i 


ICEAMBEELAIN  &  EOBINSON 

PROPRIETOR  9. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 
IIQLLEGE. 


,b320sptc;sctctis.r, 


jO"SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR"^ 


Leopold   Bro's 

LOEIST 

35  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 

Bouquets  Bastetr.  Wreaths,  Crosstt 


S 


Ph.  ot  ographer. 


MOAT  1 

reet. 


ALLEN   NTGARY  &  CO, 

WHOLESALE.... 

LliUOR    MERCHANTS, 

S22  and  324  FROXT  STBEET, 
8Ar  FRANCISCO.   -  CALIFORNIA 


S   C  "FT  T"  ■  T  T  Z  3 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Eortlers. 


EDWARD    E. 

OSBORN, 

Solicitor 

of 

Patents, 

(Am, 

rican  and 

Poreiffn,) 

320    CALI 

FORNIA    STR  EET 

Correspondents   i 

v,  ishini 

ton,    London,    Victoria, 

Australia,  Montreal 

Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexieo. 

EICHARDS    &    HAEEISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
If.   W.   Corner    SANSOME   and    SAfRAMEXTO    Streets,  „San    Traiitl-eo. 


A 


frican  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

Hazelton  Bros 

HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 

A.  M.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 
647     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


)IANO| 

I   First  Class, 
Medium  Price,, 

FULL    VALUE 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY 


-gjjy"  fran  cTsco^-'~ 
FINE   OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


« 


OFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

Slipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

2  0     and     I  S  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

>aoi  mento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Sole  Agents  fer  C.  Conrad  3s  Z'.'i 

C'BUDWEISER  BEERll 

Back,  Sfeese&Co, 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


Houseworth  's 

Photographs  j 

The  BigliC't   Standard  of  Exeelleuee, 

12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


The 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Prize     Boot     aud     Shoe     Maker, 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal, 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  AssociaV: ' 


MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  40+  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CflRMflNY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


COAL 
PIG 


and 


RON. 


J.    MacDONOUGH     &    Co., 

Importers  and  dealers  in  all  kinds  of  Coal 
and  Pig  Iron 

41    MARKET    STREET, 

(Corner  Spear.)  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  MiCDONOUGU. 


J.  C.  TVlLSO.V 


SAUL,  MANN'  S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  FranciBio. 
Freeh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  RUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
Sausages.  A.  KEESCHE. 


GHAMPAGNE! 

B1SV  MONOFOLE  (extra), 

I,.  KOEOEKElt  (sweet  and  dry), 
MOLT  A   lll.i\UU\, 

VEIIVE    (llnlldl. 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Ssow  &  Co.) 
IS"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6SS  Market  Street,  Palme  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Snoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Slats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc. ,  cleansed  and  dved  without  shrinking. 
(HA».  J.  UOLllES.  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 
EIORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
"  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  m.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  lift  Market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


Importers  and  Dealers  In 


Qlfppo  R  FQt^K^SoTC^O     Frasc1sc0  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

35  and  29  California  Street, 

821  California  Street.  San  Francisco       '  Bet-  Da"s  and  Drumm,   -    -  san  francisco 


w 

Wines  and  Liquors . 


QAN  CRANCISCOQTOGK  gREWERY 

Capital  Stock 


(200,000 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD' 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN   ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  eoi2. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


SjVAflBANTEDTa  KEEP 

^4V£yw£S>^CDOLPH  MOHB,  Secretary. 


R.S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MA€DO\AU>,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

213  to  '325  Spear  St.,  31S  to '>?<>  Stuart  St. 

San  Francisco,"  Cal.. 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantlyfurnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Wm.   F.  HABBISOX,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  dailv  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 

WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINE   STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ca- 
nard Royal  Mali  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line; 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  Loudon;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works ;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co.  | 
Nich.  Ashton  &  Son's  Salt. 


+ 


-msr 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    T 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


Natural 

Champagne 

j  DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 


(S^oA  #|otoi&\^  %  CoJ 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OFNATURAL 
SPARKLING 

wines; 

ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

JS^None  Genuine  unless  "bearing:  our  name  on  Isabel  and  Cork  _£3i 


'  1  h 


KOHLER  8c  FROHLING 

W  626  Montgomery: st.  a,  s.e.cor.sutter  a  duedji,st«s, 
-;r:  :->-;  s.e         --'    =  ~"  ^-. 


L.    P.    DEGEN      Make 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St..  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S  WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


AMPAGN 


OH 
Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.         Lm 
809   iio\t<;oui:kv  St.,  San  Franclsea. 

H.      N.      COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405     lliltitll     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the    Pacific 

feast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  "Fkancisco. 


Established       1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &     CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  Commission  Her- 
Sk^rc-C  cliants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS„  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  j 

IMPORTERS  op 

IE?   .A.   IP   IE    ~El 

OF    ALL     KINDS. 

sews-  ■■ 

413  and  415  San  some  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STKEET. 
Bennery,  Eighth  and  Brnnnnn  streets. 

OL ADS  SPKEOKEL8 President 

J.  D.  8PRE0KELS    Vlce-Preident 

A.  B.  8PREOKEL8 Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  Presided* 
©fflec— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A- 


O.    COOK    &.    SON, 

US    MABKET    STBEET,    S.    F. 


CVOL.  10. 


}f?354 


ALL  ABOUT         A  PIG 


THE    WASP 


THE     DEMPSTERS. 


A    End    of    Novel,    as    it    Were. 


I. 

Unspeakable  disgust  sat  enthroned  on  Mr.  Demp- 
ster's brow.  Mr.  Dempster  had  failed  in  business; 
like  a  lizard  bereft  of  his  tail,  he  must  begin  life 
anew,  undtr  discouraging  auspices.  The  cause  of 
Mr.  Dempster's  failure  was  the  seemingly  trivial 
circumstance  that  he  had  had  to  pay  his  debts. 
But  for  this  he  would  have  remained  rich  to  the 
bitter  end.  Left  to  himself,  the  unpleasant  neces- 
sity of  satisfying  his  creditors  he  might  have  man- 
aged to  avoid  ;  but  when  even  the  keenest  intellect 
is  tempted  by  sheriffs  attachments  to  take  counsel 
of  sheriffs  officers  there  is  an  end  of  that  inde- 
pendent single-headedness  which  is  necessary  to 
success.  Indeed,  a  man  meagrely  endowed  with 
the  meanest  capacity  can  more  profitably  conduct 
his  commercial  ventures,  and  more  surely  conserve 
his  estates,  than  any  mere  hireling  of  the  law  can 
do  it  for  him.  Even  a  congress  of  creditors  and  a 
court  of  bankruptcy  combined  seldom  add  anything 
to  capital  upon  which  they  administer.  All  these 
pertinent  reflections  would,  without  doubt,  have 
now  been  present  in  comforting  quantity  to  Mr. 
Dempster's  consciousness,  but  for  the  fact  that  he 
was  quite  incapable  of  entertaining  them  ;  one 
ample  and  supreme  sentiment  of  unutterable  disgust 
had  installed  itself  in  the  Dempsterian  soul,  and 
there  it  reigned  in  solitary  state,  to  the  exclusion 
of  all  else. 

He  sat  alone  in  the  gloom  of  his  counting-house; 
sat  so  still,  so  stupefied,  and  so  unconscious,  that 
you  might  have  wrung  his  nose  with  a  candle- 
snuffer  (though,  of  course,  you  would  not  have  done 
so)  without  attracting  his  attention  ;  but  when  the 
door  was  softly  pushed  open  and  Mrs.  Dempster 
entered  he  was  at  once  roused  to  a  condition  of 
sensitive  interest.  Such  is  the  unaccountable 
diversity  of  effect  of  tortures  similar  in  degree  ! 
Mr.  Dempster's  nature  was  too  chivalrous  to  be 
deprived  of  its  innate  gallantry  by  a  mere  stroke  of 
adverse  fortune  ;  he  nodded  to  his  lady  visitor, 
and  pushed  an  office  stool  in  her  direction  with  his 
foot.  She  was  soon  in  session  upon  it,  fanning 
herself  calmly,  and  looking  serene  daggers  at  her 
lord.  The  status  quo  was  preserved  inviolate  for 
more  minutes  than  "  the  stroke  "  had  left  the 
family  with  timepieces  to  reckon  ;  the  complacent 
boast  of  the  sun-dial,  Soyas  rum  numero  nisi  serenas, 
might  have  been  appropriately  employed  by  Mr. 
Dempster  in  the  sense  of  a  touching  plant.  He 
eouldrCt  number  any  but  sunny  hours  for  the 
sheriff  had  all  his  clocks  and  watches. 

"Mr.  Dempster,"  said  she,  "  I  presume  the  cares 
of  your  prosperous  and  increasing  business  will  not 
now  prevent  your  giving  some  small  attention  to 
your  wife  and  family.  It  is  in  that  hope  I  have 
ventured  to  call  upon  you.  I  need  not  say  I  find 
you  much  changed  ;  perhaps  ijou  might  not  esteem 
it  flattery,  but  any  unprejudiced  person  overhearing 
the  remark  would  have  no  alternative.  Nor  need 
I  say  all  is  over  between  us  ;  if  your  conjugal  is 
equal  to  your  commercial  sagacity,  such  a  declara- 
tion would  sound  to  your  ears  like  a  truism.  My 
object  is  to  consult  you,  who  are  so  wise,  as  to  the 
future  of  the  children — I  trust  you  have  not  made 
them  over  to  your  creditors.  Mr.  Dempster,  have 
you  anything  to  say,  sir,  to  the  wife  of  your 
bosom — your  former  bosom,  Mr.   Dempster  ?  " 

Mr.  Dempster  had  nothing  to  say  to  the  wife  of 
his  former  bosom.  Mr.  Dempster  was  absently 
dipping  his  right  forefinger  into  the  ink  bottle,  and 
tracing  a  pattern  of  wonderous  design  upon  a  con- 
tiguous surface  of  foolscap. 

"Well,  sir,"  said  the  lady,  after  waiting  a  reason- 
able period, ' '  I  shall  for  some  days  be  at  the  modest 
lodgings  where  you  have  occasionally  honored  me 
with  a  brief  call.  There  I  shall  await  any  commu- 
nication which  the  pressure  of  your  growing  business 
may  permit  you  to  make  to  the  idol  of  your  soul — 
your  former  soul,  Mr.  Dempster,  sir.  Good  even- 
ing!" 

"My  darling,"  said  Mr.  Dempster,  ten  minutes 
later,  "I  feel  as  keenly  as  you  can  the  awkward 
position  in  which  we  are  placed.  But  if  years  of 
devotion  can  repay  your  trust  in  one  who  has 
brought  you  to  this — " 

He  looked  up  suddenly,  and  met  the  soft,  forgiv- 
ing gaze  of  a  young  negress,  who  had  entered 
somewhat  later  than  usual,  with  coals  to  rejuvenate 
the  evening  fire. 

n. 

A  week  later  Madame  Dempster  sat  in  the  mod- 
est lodgings  before  alluded  to,  which  consisted,  in  ' 


part,  of  a  double  drawing-room,  library,  dining- 
room,  kitchen,  scullery,  eight  bed-rooms,  and  a 
number  of  outlying  apartments  for  servants.  She 
rather  more  than  occupied  the  only  article  of  fur- 
niture the  m.  1.  contained— a  senile  music-stool, 
too  feeble  to  endure  transportation.  Madame 
looked  somewhat  meeker  and  paler  than  at  her 
former  appearance  in  this  history.  Perhaps  she 
had  fasted  some  lately;  that  is  said  to  provoke 
meekness  and  pallor.  She  held  between  her  thumb 
and  forefinger  a  scrap  of  paper  inscribed  with 
characters  in  the  rather  too  well-known  handwrit- 
ing of  her  husband.  She  now  rose,  shed  one  of 
her  slippers,  and  with  it  beat  a  cheerful  tattoo 
upon  the  wall ;  the  sheriff's  men  had  needed  the 
bell-fixtures.  Appeared  in  answer  to  the  summons 
an  aged  domestic,  sire  of  the  young  lady  of  the 
coals,  already  introduced  to  the  reader.  At  least 
ninety  winters  had  contributed  a  trifle  each  to  the 
frosting  of  his  grizzled  pow.  He  and  his  daughter 
alone,  of  all  the  servitors,  had  stood  firm  in  ad- 
versity. 

"  Epaminondas,"  said  his  mistress,  handing  him 
the  manuscript,  "you  can  read,  I  believe — thanks 
to  the  Freedmen's  Bureau,  which  kindly  prepares 
African  youth  for  the  duties  of  life.  Here  are 
your  master's  instructions  regarding  the  children 
you  have  so  often  dandled  upon  your  knee.  I  will 
not  hamper  you  with  advice;  in  bestowing  upon 
you  the  inestimable  boon  of  liberty,  at  our  ex- 
pense, the  Government  of  our  common  country  in- 
tended that  you  should  avail  yourself  of  every 
opportunity  to  exercise  your  discretion,  and  that 
we  should  give  you  as  many  opportunities  as  possi- 
ble. That  is  why  your  master,  while  preferring 
that  you  should  vote  as  you  wish,  has  always  per- 
mitted you  to  vote  as  you  are  told;  but  that  is 
neither  here  nor  there.  You  have  your  instructions 
and  the  children.     Execute  them." 

And  Madame  put  on  her  things,  and  swept  into 
the  street. 

"  Poor  fellow  !  "  said  she,  alluding  not  so  much 
to  Epammondas  as  to  her  husband,  "  I  have  been 
hard  on  him,  but  he  evidently  has  forgiven  all  ;  if 
not  I'll  make  him.  Now  that  the  children  are  pro- 
vided for,  there  is  no  apparent  reason  why  we 
should  not  get  on,  somehow." 

Arrived  at  the  portal  of  the  counting-house  she 
was  confronted  by  the  small  negress  indigenous  to 
the  establishment,  who  was  grinning  an  unreason- 
able number  of  inches. 

"  Is  your  master  inside,  Cleopatra  ?  "  inquired 
the  lady. 

"  '  Spec  so,  Missus  ;  what's  lef  ob  um.  Dunno 
'bout  you  gwine  in  yar,  though." 

"  Why  not,  Cleopatra  ?  He  has  written  me  to 
join  him.': 

"  Bress  de  Lo;d,  den,  Missus,  you'll  hab  a  wa'm 
time  of  it.  Marse  cotch  it  hot  by  dis  time,  shu-ah  ! 
He  done  gone  stob  hisse'f  dead  wid  de  paper-knife. 
'Scuze  me  a-larfin',  Missus,  but  'taint  ebery  cull'ed 
gal  gits  ole  Marse  to  do  dis  for  lub  o'  her,  jes  'coz 
he  been  so  misfort'nate  as  to  comp'mise  her.  We 
all  hab  our  weakenses,  I  'specs  !  " 

I  suspect  we  have.  The  "  weakense  "  of  Mrs. 
Dempster,  just  then,  was  a  tendency  to  pull  gen- 
erous fistfulls  of  crinkled  hair  from  her  hand- 
maiden's pate — a  tendency  she  made  not  the 
feeblest  attempt  to  repress.  Altogether,  it  was 
bad  for  the  handmaiden  ;  but  before  the  interview 
terminated  she  achieved  the  ultimate  ambition  of 
thrall  and  lover  alike.  For  she  died  in  the  arms  of 
her  mistress. 

When  the  two  of  them  had  grown  cooler,  Madame 
began  to  have  a  growing  sense  of  her  own  bereave- 
ment. Little  by  little  it  dawned  upon  her  that  if 
the  children  were  disposed  of  according  to  direc- 
tions given,  she  would  experience  considerable 
loneliness  in  the  world — a  loneliness,  intensified  by 
the  absence  of  property.  Perhaps  there  was  yet 
time  to  countermand  the  instructions  to  Epamin- 
ondas ;  and  in  the  altered  circumstances  of  their 
author  Bhe  could  not  consider  these  instructions 
binding  ;  more  especially  as  she  had  demonstrated 
the  severe  jocularity  of  the  principal  item — the  re- 
quest to  join  him. 

m. 

Epaminondas  sat  upon  the  cold  bare  floor  of  the 
drawing-room,  "  squat  like  a  toad."  At  his  side 
lay  a  massive  and  bulbous  oaken  potato-masher, 
not  in  a  condition  for  immediate  use  in  its  legiti- 
mate sphere.  Upon  one  knee  was  spread  his  broad 
right  hand,  palm  upward,  looking  like  an  inverted 
black  turtle. 

"It's  no  use,"  said  he,  contemplating  this 
mighty  engine  of  his  will,  and  shaking  his  snowy 
poll — "  no  use  ob  nebber  washin'   you  any   mo'. 


Dar  ain't  wawtah  'nough  in  de  Mississipp  to  foti 
de  samguinary  stain  off  m  you  !  You'll  nebber  1 
white  no  mo';  dats  sahtin  shu-ah  !  An'  it's  8 
along  o'  dis  yar  writin'." 

The  writin'  alluded  to  was  the  paper  in  the  we] 
known  hand  of  the  late  Mr.  Dempster.     As  it  do 
not  happen  to  contain  the  words   ' '  I  promise 
pay,"  perhaps  it  is  worth  reading. 

MEMORANDUM. 

"It  is  my  desire  that  my  family  be  provided  for,  f 
life,  as  hereinbelow  stated  : 

"Hannah  Penelope  Dempster,  wife  of 

my  bosom ; Let  her  join  n 

"  John  Bagley  Dempster Kill  him. 

"  George  Washington  Dempster Kill  him. 

"  Helen  Ophelia  Dempster Kill  her. 

"  Harrison  Tyler  Dempster Kill  him. 

"  Rebecca  Pompadour  Dempster Kill  her. 

"  Peter  Henry  Perry  Dempster Kill  him. 

"  Napoleon  Jones  Dempster Kill  him. 

"  Dempsters  to  arrive  (if  any} Kill  them. 

(Signed)  James  Peter  Dempster." 

It  must  be  confessed  there  were  a  considerab 
sameness  and  poverty  of  invention  in  this  doci 
ment;  but  when  a  man  in  a  state  of  supreme  di 
gust  has  nine  dear  ones  to  provide  for,  and  n< 
nine  cents  for  provision,  what  can  you  expeci 
What  can  they  expect  ? 

The  widow  Dempster  arrived  at  the  modest  lot} 
ings  previously  described  just  in  time  to  be  take 
into  custody  by  the  sheriff's  men,  and  charged  wil 
the  slaughter  of  eight  of  the  characters  of  th 
novel.  I  would  willingly  add  that,  in  consider 
tion  of  her  having  had  but  little  to  do  with  it,  si 
was  acquitted  ;  but  she  was  not.  The  rope  waB  ■ 
the  finest  Manilla  hemp,  from,  the  well  and  favo 
ably  known  establishment  of  Messrs.  Burrill 
Thome. 

IV. 

Three  days  later  Epaminondas,  embarking  in 
pair  of  number  sixteen  boots,  set  sail  for  Californ 
via  the  cactus  that  is  now  Denver,  Colorado.  H 
peculiar  connection  with  the  events  hereinbefor: 
related  had  prejudiced  the  officers  of  the  la 
against  him,  and  so  deeply  seated  was  this  feelh 
that,  on  one  oscasion,  when  he  had  been  consignc 
to  the  county  jail  for  one  of  his  customary  advei 
tures  in  a  chicken-roost,  the  sheriff  inhospitab 
turned  him  into  the  street.  This  broke  his  hear 
and,  bidding  an  eternal  farewell  to  the  world,  1 
came  to  San  Francisco.  But  it  was  too  late — tl 
iron  had  entered  deeply  into  the  old  man's  sot 
The  days  of  his  past  splendor  were  ever  to  tl 
fore  in  his  memory,  claiming  the  tribute  of  an  u~ 
availing  regret.  He  was  seen  frequently  to  co' 
template  the  sable  expanse  of  his  great  right  ham 
rub  it  slowly  upon  the  seat  of  his  trowsers,  ai 
look  at  it  again,  thoughtfully  shaking  his  head  ar 
muttering  that  it  (the  hand)  would  nebber  be  w'i 
no  mo'.  The  thought  of  the  inhospitable  sher: 
preyed  upon  his  mind  and  wrought  disaster  to  h 
health;  and  finally,  while  sitting  moodily  or 
night  on  a  Kearny  street  curb-stone,  a  great  wa' 
of  emotion  struck  his  shattered  constitution  wil 
such  fatal  force  that  a  man  came  along  and  cut  li 
throat  clean  through  to  the  neck  bone.  And  i 
he  died. 

V. 

The  blood-red  dawn  of  a  summer  morning  w 
staining  the  steep  slopes  of  the  Sausalito  hill 
The  air  was  vocal  with  the  twitter  of  awakeni 
birds,  and  at  intervals  was  heard  the  plash  of  a  gre: 
fish  as  it  leaped  from  the  serene  sea  and  fell  bai 
regardless.  On  a  bowlder  down  by  the  beach,  h 
elbows  resting  on  his  knees,  the  blonde  locks  urx 
his  temples  clenched  in  his  hands,  his  eyes  fin 
madly  upon  vacancy  (which  nevertheless  they  d 
not  appear  to  see)  sat  the  author  of  this  story- 
man  who  in  three  columns  had  murdered  no  fewi 
than  twelve  human  beings  :  a  wretch  who  in  tl 
freedom  of  thought  and  the  pitiless  pride  of  cor 
position  had  assassinated  his  characters  as  fast 
he  had  evolved  them  from  his  teeming  brain,  ar 
now  found  himself  without  one  to  go  on  with 
Since  midnight  he  had  sat  there,  undecide 
irresolute,  despairing.  But  now,  as  the  sun  climbi 
above  the  Oakland  hills,  he  was  inspired  by  tl 
sight  to  make  one  supreme  effort  to  conquer  ti 
situation.  He  rose  from  the  bowlder,  calml 
changed  the  manuscript  of  this  story  from  his  h; 
to  the  inner  breast  pocket  of  his  coat,  buttonr 
that  garment  tightly  across  his  chest  and  walku 
resolutely  into  the  Bay  disappeared  beneath  tl 
light  mist-wreaths  of  its  surface,  and  the  ebbrr 
tide  swept  his  dead  body  into  the  heart  of  tl 
Pacific  Ocean.  "■ 


THE     WASP. 


THE     FATAL    ERROR. 


A  61 

i  ie  was  shunned  by  people  far  and  near, 
\\  ho  sagely  said  with  restless  ghosts  'twas  haunted  ; 
They  paused  it*  portals  with  :»  nameless  fear 
And  heard  strange  sounds  ami  fancied  things  unwonted. 

And  we  who  dwelt  within  its  mossgrown  walls 
Did  somewhat  share  til-'  .  erie  fancies, 

And  beard  strange  footstepa  echo  through  its  halln 
Lik.-  stealthy  tread  of  weird  and  wicked  banshees. 

An.)  when  night's  sable  mantle  fell  around, 
And  from  the  leafless  treeB  the  rooks  were  culling, 

We'd  start  an.)  shudder  at.  each  trifling  sound, 
And  feared  th*-  darkij  and  apaUing. 

One  gusty  night  we  sat  around  the  hearth— 
Three  timid  maidens,  and  our  brother  tall 

Win.  -trove  with  merry  jests  to  rouse  our  mirth 
And  Kcotfed  at  ghosts  and  goblins,  large  or  small. 

T  wax  growing  late  when  gaily  be  declared 
He  hungered  for  the  remnants  of  a  pasty 

Which  from  onr  frugal  dinner  had  been  spared, 
And  darted  off,  as  ever,  rash  and  hasty. 

All  vainly  we  besought  him  take  a  light 

As   lown  the  kitchen  stairway  he  descended  ; 

He  loudly  laughed  and  braved  the  evil  sprite, 

While  we  looked  on  with  hope  and  terror  blended. 

A  moment  later  came  a  fright  full  yell. 
And  fiendish,  mocking  laughter  shook  the  ceiling 

An  if  the  gibbering  denizens  of  hell 
Around  the  haunted  tenement  were  wheeling. 

A  breathless  moment  paused  we  on  the  stair 
And  prayed  the  saints  our  gallant  boy  to  guard. 

When  suddenly  arose  an  awful  swear  : 
"  Ky  Jove  !     I've  got  my  Angers  in  the  lard  :  " 

— Bysshe. 

San  Frttitn'sra,  May  7,   U 


-ADULTERATED"     TEAS. 


Does  anyone  know  if  Anna  Dickinson  and  Emily 
Pitts-Stevens  were  in  Washington  during  the  last 
session  of  Congress  '.  If  they  were  not  there  lob- 
bying in  the  interest  of  their  favorite  beverage, 
how  under  heaven  was  it  possible  that  our  legisla- 
tors, frightfully  overworked  in  the  interest  of  tariff 
reform  and  harbor  appropriation,  found  time  and 
desire  to  pas3  a  bill  regulating  the  import  of  spuri- 
ous, adulterated  and  used-up  tea  leaves  l  There 
could  have  been  no  motive  of  self  interest  ;  there 
is  not  enough  money  in  tea  to  pay  for  even  a  second- 
hand lobby,  and  as  our  legislators  never  drink  tea, 
,  it  could  not  have  been  through  fear  of  their  own 
I  stomachs. 

No  one  lias  ever  been  known  to  die  of  supping  a 
decoction  of  spent  tea  leaves  but  I  don't  see  why 
they  have  not  a  right  to,  should  they  wish.      I  be- 
lieve  it   is   true   that  in  Canton  and  vicinity  old 
i  leaves  are  dried  and  repacked,  and  sent  occasionally 
I  abroad  and  sold  for  a  few  cents  per  pound  ;    but 
I  they  are  not  bad  tea  leaves.     I  have  drunk  from 
I  them  myself,  in  Mexico,  where  this  class  of  tea  is 
j  much  used,  as  it  is  only  used  by  the  sick.     I  once 
I  paid  one-dollar-and-a-half  a  pound  for  what  I  had 
I  myself  sold  at  twelve  cents  in  San  Francisco.     Re- 
|  dried   tea   leaves   are  less  injurious  than  the  first 
|  decoction  :   there  is  little  to  affect  the  nerves,  and 

I  persons  drinking  such  would  never  become  dried 
up  and  crabbed  from  their  use.  Tea  madeof  them 
might  lie  given  to  children  with  impunity.     In  fact 

|  it  might  be  even  incorporated  into  the  Homoeo- 
pathic pharmacopoeia,  so  harmless  is  it.    I  don't  re- 

I  member  that  our  beneficent  Congress  passed  a  law 
making  it  a  penal  offence  to  sell  cigars  and  cigar- 
ettes manufactured  from  "  stumps  ''  gathered  from 
the  gutters  and  tilth  of  streets  and  filthier  mouths 
— the  absorption  of  one  breath  of  which  is  enough 
to  carry  disease  to  the  strongest  lung.  I  presume 
such  a  law  would  have  affected  an  inportant  indus- 
try and  the  tobacco  lobby  would  have  objected. 

For  one  hundred  years  the  Chinese  tea  packers 
have  been  shipping  to  Europe  and  America  green 
teas  ;  these  teas  are  made  green  by  the  application 
of  a  pinch  of  indigo  and  rice  flour,  and  sometimes 
with  the  addition  of  a  little  gypsum.  This  came 
about  in  this  way  :  The  very  young  leaves  of  the 
tea  plant  are,  when  dried  immediately,  of  a  hay- 
green  color.      Some  of  them  were  sent  to  Europe, 


generations  ago,  and  were  bo  much  liked  that  the 
demand  was  greater  than  the  supply.  The  thrifty 
Chinaman,  not  to  lose  a  market,  took  his  larger 
leaves  and  out  them  up,  then  with  a  little  indigo 
he  got  the  color  desired.  The  probability  is  some 
Englishman  told  him  how  to  do  it.  I  would  say 
Yankee,  but  it  occurred  before  America  had  any 
interest  in  the  business.  This  same  process  has 
been  going  on  ever  since. 

If  the  American  people  are  going  to  turn  over  a 
new  leaf,  thank  Hod  for  it.  Adulteration  has  been 
going  on  long  enough.  No  one  has  ever  been  even 
made  sick  by  adulterated  tea,  while  10,000  a  year 
die  from  strychnine  whisky.  If  this  law  is  to  be 
the  commencement  of  a  crusade  against  fraud,  then 
may  we  well  rejoice.  Alum  powders,  birch-dust 
pepper,  dried-liver  coffee,  tallowed  butter,  glucose 
candy,  dog  sausage,  etc.,  will  have  had  their  day. 
Dyspepsia  will  be  unknown.  A  century  shall  be 
the  span  of  a  strong  man's  life,  and  our  comely 
girls  shall  no  longer  be  sacrificed  through  neuralgia 
pills.  s. 

San  Francisco,  May  ff,   188S. 


A     REPEATING      POPGUN. 


There  is  a  writer  of  editorials  in  the  Bulletin  who 
has  a  genius  for  repeating  himself.  He  will  say 
the  same  thing  from  a  half-dozen  to  a  dozen  times 
in  a  single  article.  He  is  the  Great  North  Ameri- 
con  Reiterator.  As  a  sample  of  this  person's  work, 
we  give  below  some  extracts  from  a  recent  editorial 
of  his,  headed  "  Shrewd  Diplomacy."  The  article 
is  but  a  quarter  of  a  column  in  length,  and  its  ob- 
ject is  to  affirm  (1)  that  Gen.  Cook  will  follow  the 
Apaches  into  Mexico  and  (2)  that  a  messenger  with 
orders  to  stop  him  will  not  overtake  him.  Here 
are  the  extracts  : 

(1)  When  General  Crook  was  sent  after  the  thieving 
and  murderous  Apaches  of  Arizona,  it  was  well  under- 
stood that  he  would  follow  them  wherever  they  should  flee. 

(2)  But  in  order  to  make  all  things  fair  on  the  surface 
a  messenger  was  sent  after  him  with  instructions  to  Gen- 
eral Crook  not  to  enter  Mexico. 

It  is  quite  certain  that  he  will  not  overtake   the   General 
until 

(1)     He  has  whipped  the  Apaches. 

(1)  It  is  quite  certain  that  General  Crook  will  whip 
the  Apaches  wherever  he  finds  them. 

*  *  *  * 

(2)  The  messenger  probably  understands  his  duty.  It 
is,  in  short,  not  to  overtake  General  Crook,  but  to  keep  at 
a  safe  distance  behind  him. 

(1)  General  Crook  probably  understands  the  situation. 
It  is  his  business  to  exterminate  three  or  four  hundred 
Apaches  who  have  been  committing  raids  in  Arizona,  and 
who,  when  hard  pressed,  fled  over  the  line  into  Mexico. 

(2)  It.  is  quite  evident  that  the  messenger  understands 
his  business  ;  and 

(1)  General  Crook  understands  his  as  well. 

*  *  «  * 

1 1 1  *  General  Crook  is  instructed  to  pursue  the  Indians 
and  exterminate  them  wherever  he  can  find  them— when 
on  the  American  side,  or  across  the  boundary  on  Mexican 
territory. 

(2)  The  messenger  is  instructed  to  keep  at  a  reasonable 
distance  behind  General  Grook. 

(1>  General  ('rook  will  settle  the  business  for  the 
Apaches,  and 

(2)  The  Government  messenger  sent  to  caution  Gen- 
eral Crook  will  keep  at  a  safe  distance  behind  him  and 
will  pacify  the  Mexicans. 

These  extracts  are  given  in  their  order,  and  con- 
stitute a  full  half  of  the  article.  Surely,  if  by 
merely  repeating  an  assertion  the  Bulletin  writer 
could  make  -it  true  it  would  have  been  true  that 
the  messenger  would  not  overtake  Gen.  Crook. 
Unfortunately  "  the  ink  was  scarcely  dry  "  before 
this  tiresome  dunce's  baseless  hypothesis  was  dis- 
proved by  the  facts— the  messenger  overtook  Gen- 
eral Crook  but  had  no  orders  to  stop  him. 


FOREIGN     FUN. 


Madam  and  the  gold  fish  in  her  parlor-aquarium. 
"  Every  morning,  while  John  changed  the  water, 
I  took  him,  I  coaxed  him,  and  then  I  embraced 
him — like  this — houm,  houm,  houm  !  Yet  he 
would  not  live,  the  wretch  ! 


A  continued  story.  It  was  in  a  gloomy  Ameri- 
can forest,  about  forty  years  ago.  A  family  of 
robbers  lived  there.  One  night,  returned  from 
murder  and  pillage,  the  captain  said  to  his  lieuten- 


ant, Zaoharias  :  "  Tell  us  one  of  those  fantastic 
stories  that  startle  the  listeners." 

Then  Zacharias  began  as  follows  :   H  It  was  in  a 
gloomy  American  forest  " — see  the  foregoing. 


BeOOAB. — Sir,  have  pity  on  an  unfortunate 
ruined  by  a  tire  that  devoured  his  house  and  every 
thing  in  it. 

Charitable  bi  i  Mjstkustfi  i.  Merchant. — You 
ought  to  have  a  certificate  confirming  the  horrible 
catastrophe. 

BEGGAR. — Alas!  Iliad  the  certificate,  sir,  but 
it  was  with  my  other  papers,  and  that  too  was  de- 
stroyed in  the  terrible  fire. 


On  the  top  of  an  omnibus. 

*'  Take  care  !     You  are  spitting  all  over  me  ' 

"  Beg  pardon  ;  I  spit  in  front  of  me." 

11  Yes,  but  the  wind  sends  it  here  on  me.'' 

"  Very  well,  address  the  wind,  not  me." 

The  chief  of  the  fire  department  of  a  small  city 
was  lately  urged  to  join  a  cremation  society. 

■•  No,  it  is  useless,"  he  replied.  "  I  know  my 
brave  fireman.  When  they  saw  me  on  fire  they 
would  not  be  able  to  keep  from  putting  it  out." 

Mi's.  T.'s  maid  rushes  into  the  room  at  the 
moment  when  Mrs.  T.  is  embracing  her  husband. 
After  he  is  gone  Mrs.  T.  reproves  her  maid  for  en- 
tering in  such  an  indiscreet  way. 

"  Oh,"  she  replies,  "  that  was  nothing  very  bad 
since  it  was  Mr.   T." 


GERMAN. 

Judge.  — Your  age  I 

Lady. — I  am  in  the  twenties. 

Judge. — I  must  beg  you  to  be  more  explicit. 

Lady. — I  was  born  in  1853. 

Judge. — Then  you  are  thirty  years  old  1 

Lady. — No,  not  yet — not  until  to-morrow. 


Teacher  (whose  school  both  boys  and  girls  at- 
tend. ) — You  boys  are  very  unruly  !  Only  look  at 
that  well-behaved  girl  I 

The  boys  do  not  need  to  be  told  this  twice,  but 
after  that  exhortation  frequently  stare  at  the  well- 
behaved  girl. 


Dignified  Lady  of  the  House  (to  servant-girl) — 

Augusta,  accompany  the  Captain  to  the  door.  (The 
girl  starts  with  the  Captain.)  But  take  a  light  with 
you. 

Augusta. — O  !  that  is  not  necessary,  Madam; 
the  gentleman  immediately  blows  it  out.  (Pose  of 
the  discomfited  officer.) 

Father  (to  Okarlw,  wlw  has  •<  dispute  with  ftis 
governess.) — Charlie  !  Charlie  !  shall  I  come  to  you 
with  a  stick  ? 

Charlie. — It  isn't  necessary,  Papa.  1  am  rea  ly 
for  her  without  any  stick. 


"  But,  my  dear  friend,  how  is  it  that  you  are 
always  smoking  ?  " 

"  Yes,  you  know  to  save  matches  I  light  one 
cigar  by  another." 

Good  reasoning.  "  Let  him  give  you  such  a  cult' 
as  that,  Andrew  '.  Why  don't  you  give  it  to  him 
back  again  ?  " 

"  There  are  only  two  of  us,  and  then  my  turn 
would  come  right  off  again." 


Professor.  —  You  have  seen  the  cathedral  at 
Florence  with  yourown  eyes.  Was  there  not  some 
thing  especially  pleasing  to  you  about  the  entrance 
to  this  church  so  renowned  for  its  architectural 
beauty  ! 

Student.— Certainly,  Professor  ;  a  very  pretty 
young  Englishwoman. 

Wise  Official  (foremost  in  a  crowd  around  a 
mysterious  murder.)—  This  foot-print  is  of  the  great- 
est consequence,  it  is  likely  to  lead  to  the  discovery 
of  the  murderer.  Here,  men,  hurry  right  back  ; 
fetch  a  sack  and  a  shovel  and  shovel  this  highly 
important  track  into  it— we  take  it  home  with  U3. 

In  the  Girl's  High  School. 

Professor. — Now,    Miss  Bertha,    what  do  you 
understand  by  the  *'  music  of  the  future  '.  " 
Bertha. — Love  songs  and  cradle-songs. 

Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson. 

San    Francisco,  May  v,  1888. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY,   -----    MAY    12,    1883. 

PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  MO  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.    MACFARLANE    &   CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TERMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS: 

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Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 

The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 

All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp  :  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.  W.  A.Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldbon,  General  Traveling  Agent 

Ho  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 

The  Railroad  ring  has  scored  a  point,  sucli  as  it 
is,  in  procuring  the  views  of  Mr.  A.  A.  Cohen  on 
the  right  and  expediency  of  regulating  the  manage- 
ment of  railways  by  law.  This  letter  was  drawn 
out  of  Mr.  Cohen  by  a  demand  from  Mr.  Carpenter, 
Chairman  of  the  Railroad  Commission  and  one  of 
Stanford's  two  representatives  in  the  Board  of  three 
members.  Mr.  Cohen  wrote  with  charming  re- 
luctance :  he  feared  that  as  a  declared  enemy  to 
the  Railroad  ring  he  could  not  command  that  full 
assent  to  his  opinions  which  their  good  faith  and 
impartial  character  would  entitle  them  to.  This 
declared  enemy  then  proceeded  to  make  a  long  plea 
in  favor  of  the  ring,  and  the  ring  has  caused  it  to 
be  published  in  every  newspaper  that  it  owns  or 
controls.  With  regard  to  Mr.  Cohen's  character  as 
"  declared  enemy,"  it  is  sufficient  to  say  that  his 
quarrel  with  the  Railroad,  in  the  conduct  of  which 
he  earned  that  distinction,  had  its  origin  years  ago 
in  a  disagreement  as  to  a  division  of  spoils.  It  was 
a  bitter  fight,  and  in  the  course  of  it  Mr.  Cohen 
uttered  whole  volumes  of  ugly  truths,  of  which 
every  statement  in  his  present  letter  is  a  denial. 
The  feud  having  been  "composed,"  this  formid- 
able brave  has  taken  himself  off  the  war-path, 
buried  the  hatchet,  unpainted  his  visage,  wiped 
the  spittle  from  his  palms  upon  his  breech-clout, 
and  is  now  blowing  tranquil  banks  of  smoke  from 
the  pipe  of  pea^e.  ..He  is  fat,  lazy  and  good  natur- 
ed.  He  is  older  than  he  was  and  richer.  The 
Railroad  found  him  a  tough  nut,  but  it  cracked 
him  with  a  golden  hammer.  It  is  not  our  purpose 
to  give  his  present  views,  but  for  the  instruction  of 
those  who  know  and  accept  them  we  print  else- 
where some  of  those  he  held  in  his  dark  and  nmv 

mm 

generate  state  four  years  ago,  when  engaged  in  a 
hot  squabble  for  his  share  of  the  plunder. 


In  the  spring  the  laborer's  fancy  lightly  turns  to 
thoughts  of  a  strike.  There  are  strikes  now  every- 
where in  the  East,  and  the  mad  contagion  is  run- 
ning westward  like  a  prairie  lire.  Quick  to  "  catch 
the  vote,"  the  legislatures  of  several  Eastern  States 
have  passed  laws  "  legalizing  "  strikes.  This  is 
dishonest  ;  the  law  should  have  nothing  to  say  to 
the  matter,  No  legislation  can  make  a  strike  any- 
thing else  than  it  is — an  attempt  unfairly  to  extort 
"money.  This  does  not  touch  the  question  of  the 
justice  of  the  demand,  but  only  concerns  the 
method  of  enforcing  it.  Indeed,  the  question  of 
whether  the  business  will  stand  the  increased  rate 
of  payment  for  labor  is  one  that  is  neverdispassion- 
utely  gone  into  by  a  trades  union.  It  considers, 
not  whether  the  employer  can  afford  to  pajT  a  higher 


rate,  but  whether  he  can  afford  not  to.  It  is,  in 
short,  a  conspiracy  against  property — one  which 
the  law  cannot  prevent,  but  which  it  certainly 
ought  not  to  favor.  If  a  man  is  dissatisfied  with 
his  wages  his  moral  right  to  quit  his  work  is  un- 
questioned ;  but  he  has  no  moral  right  to  set  up  a 
machinery  for  compelling  his  emplover  to  pay 
more,  under  penalty  of  loss.  Similarly,  we  deny 
the  morality  of  combinations  among  employers  for 
the  purpose  of  keeping  down  wages.  The  whole 
thing  is  simply  a  game  of  "  tit  for  tat  "—a  system 
of  dishonest  reprisals — a  fighting  of  the  devil  with 
fire.  It  is  a  policy  of  cinch  and  singe.  It  is  non- 
sense to  say  that  the  interests  of  employer  and  em- 
ployee are  identical  ;  they  are  distinctly  adverse. 
But  this  monstrous  machinery  of  "  combination  " 
adds  nothing  but  bitterness  to  discussion  and  dis- 
aster to  action.  Under  this  retaliatory  regime  the 
employer  will  listen  to  reason  only  where  his  en- 
gines are  rusting,  and  the  laborer  only  when  his 
belly  is  sticking  to  his  back.  The  inventor  of  the 
strike  and  lockout  might  justly  boast  himself  the 
most  pernicious  villain  that  ever  placed  obstructions 
on  the  track  of  civilization. 


The  sale  of  the  New  York  World  newspaper  for 
somewhat  less  than  the  value  of  its  plant  is  the 
last  of  a  series  of  events  that  have  an  instructive 
insignificance.  For  years  that  journal  has  been 
the  property  of  Mr.  Jay  Gould.  It  had  therefore 
no  lack  of  "  money  behind  it,"  and  we  happen  to 
know  that  Mr.  Gould  never  failed  promptly  to  re- 
spond to  its  demands  upon  his  purse.  It  was  man- 
aged by  Mr.  W.  W.  Hurlburt,  a  man  who  in 
natural  gifts,  intellectual  attainments  and  special 
training  has  no  superior  in  America.  In  all  re- 
spects the  World  was  a  perfectly  equipped  news- 
paper. Yet  it  never  was  a  good  one,  and  never 
paid  a  cent  The  cause  of  its  failure  has  been  ob- 
vious to  every  observer  who  supports  a  brain  :  the 
proprietor  was  not  a  journalist  but  a  speculator,  and 
his  journal  was  conducted  in  the  interest  of  his 
other  enterprises — never  in  the  interest  of  the 
World  newspaper.  Mr.  Gould  thought  he  could 
afford  to — perhaps  could,  at  any  rate  habitually  did 
—sacrifice  his  newspaper  to  favor  his  other  proper- 
ties and  his  ambitions.  No  man  or  set  of  men, 
with  whatever  "  backing,"  can  make  a  good  or 
successful  newspaper  und«r  these  hard  conditions. 
Our  San  Francisco  publishers  might  profitably  per- 
pend this  truth. 


A  Washington  telegram  announcing  the  approach- 
ing departure  of  Senator  Miller  for  California  adds 
that  he  will  make  a  careful  inquiry  into  the  case 
of  Pension  Agent  Cox.  At  present,  it  appears, 
Senator  Miller  "  is  inclined  to  believe  that  at  most 
Cox  was  only  guilty  of  indiscretion."  Let  us,  then, 
revise  the  vocabulary  of  the  English  language.  If 
the  word  "  indiscretion  "  means  as  much  as  Halle- 
lujah Cox  was  guilty  of,  and  is  guilty  of  every  day 
of  his  hypocritical  life,  it  has  been  denied  its  just 
rights  by  all  lexicographers,  and  we  shall  look  with 
interest  for  the  publication  of  Miller's  Unabridged. 
Indiscretion,  indeed  !  The  man's  life  has  been  an 
unbroken  career  of  saintly  sinning.  Compared 
with  some  of  his  former  acts,  this  attempt  to  rob  a 
blind,  lackwitted  pensioner  was  a  worthy  and 
creditable  endeavor  to  render  himself  acceptable  to 
his  Maker.  It  is  perhaps  too  much  to  ask  Senator 
Miller  to  understand  that  a  man  in  public  station 
is  responsible  not  only  for  what  he  does  but  for 
what  he  is,  and  that  his  whole  life  may  rightly  be 
called  in  evidence.  If  the  Senator  will  conduct 
his  inquiry  on  this  broad  line,  he  may  limit  his  in- 
vestigation to  ten  minutes,  within  which  period  we 
will  engage  to  supply  him  with  facts  enough  to  se- 
cure the  holy  rascal's  condemnation  in  the  next 
three.     This  howling  dervish  of  the  prayer-callous 


knees  ;  this  gong-throated  spittle-caster  of  the  pul- 
pit ;  this  sturdy  hot-gospeler  brawling  abroad  the 
means  of  grace  to  street-corner  sneak-thieves  and 
uprolling  the  whites  of  his  lecherous  eyes,  the  while 
his  right  hand  is  thrust  into  every  unbuttoned 
pocket  in  order  that  it  may  not  suspect  the  some- 
what similar  occupation  of  his  left — this  ten  thou- 
sand times  convicted  impostor,  it  seems,  has  been 
indiscreet.  Let  the  strangler  Wheeler  take 
heart.  Let  the  thief  Gray  hold  up  his  head. 
There  has  been  a  new  deal  in  words — their  crime 
was  indiscretion. 


"  If  Mike  de  Young  had  not  been  destined  for 
the  gallows  lie  would  long  aero  have  been  shot," 
said  a  gentleman  who  had  read  the  Chronicle's  ar- 
ticles on  the  Fair  divorce  suit.  "  The  remark  may 
be  true,  but  ifc  is  hardly  original,"  replied  his 
auditor,  "you  made  it  of  Charles  de  Young  six 
years  ago."  We  do  not  think  Mr.  de  Young  des- 
tined for  the  gallows,  for  we  do  not  think  he  has 
the  courage  to  murder.  A  certain  kind  of  courage 
he  has — the  courage  to  do  the  things  for  which 
men  are,  and  ought  to  be,  shot.  This  blind  and 
brutal  daring,  which  is  nothing  more  than  the  fool's 
faculty  of  imperception,  has  caused  him  time  and 
again  to  shove  his  stupid  feet  across  the  dead-line. 
We  believe  Mr.  de  Young  was  absent  when  on 
Tuesday  last  his  paper  contained  the  villainous  ar- 
ticle on  Senator  Fair  and  the  lady  who  is  still  Sen- 
tor  Fair's  wife.  But  De  Young's  absence  is  no  bar 
to  his  responsibility.  A  band  of  robbers  is  not  a 
concern  in  which  the  captain's  liability  is  limited 
to  the  extent  of  his  personal  bodily  participation 
in  its  raids.  This  man,  a  member  of  the  raimille 
by  birth,  breeding  and  association  ;  whose  pedigree 
can  be  traced  through  the  criminal  court  records  of 
two  continents  ;  whose  genealogical  tree  is  rooted 
in  a  jailyard  and  has  had  an  ancestor  hanged  on 
every  branch  ;  has  for  years  devoted  himself  to  the 
defamation  of  whole  families,  men,  women  and 
children,  at  the  same  time  with  unparalled  effront- 
ery conceding  the  right  of  private  vengeance  by 
himself  brandishing  the  pistol  in  retaliation.  Ac- 
cording to  his  own  code,  Senator  Fair  would  be 
justified  in  breaking  every  bone  in  his  unhandsome 
body. 


Four  thousand  four  hundred  and  sixty — to  be] 
exact,  sixty-one— immigrants  landed  at  Castle  (Jar- 
den  in  a  single  day  last  week.  The  statement 
ought  to  make  every  truly  American  heart  swell 
with  pride.  No  nation  in  the  world  can  show  so 
large  a  visiting  list  as  ours.  Every  day  in  the  week 
we  receive,  and  our  callers  bring  their  knitting  and 
stay  to  dinner.  And  such  appetites  !  Why,  these 
people  eat  cities  and  States.  They  are  the  locusts 
of  creation.  They  are  devouring  every  green  thing 
in  the  land.  There  is  entertainment  here  for  man 
and  beast,  and  the  beast  in  inexhaustible  and  in- 
calculable quantity  is  with  us,  hot  for  entertainment. 
We  shall  favor  his  incursion  until  we  are  "  utterly 
consumed  with  sharp  distress."  Our  homes  to 
crowd  us  out  of,  our  lands  to  impoverish,  our  bones 
to  polish  and  our  souls  to  contaminate-  these  are 
the  gifts  that  we  proffer  to  his  insatiable  maw.  He 
carries  the  future  of  our  liberties  in  his  bottomless 
belly.  And  here  we  sit,  braiding  our  locks  with 
rosy  twine,  punishing  the  rattling  drums  of  our 
conceit  and  distending  our  shirts  with  brimming 
beakers  to  the  health  of  "  the  oppressed  of  all 
nations  "  except,  our  own.  The  oppressed  are  dirty, 
vicious,  and  irreclaimably  ignorant.  They  are 
mostly  cut-throats,  thieves  and  communists.  They 
exhale  odors  that  deafen  and  disclose  a  passionate 
preference  for  whisky  and  dynamite.  But  they  are 
very  welcome  to  "  the  right  of  asylum."  Here's  a 
health  to  their  scabby  carcasses  and  a  hope  to  their 
sodden  souls.     Let  the  mad  revelry  go  on. 


THE    WASP. 


PRATTLE. 


The  ponderous  earth  silently  spinning  through 
the  unthinkable  curves  of  its  eternal  circle;  its 
gilded  continents  and  flashing  seas  chasing  one 
another  from  gloom  to  gloom  across  its  sunward 
face  :  its  multitudes  of  men  and  women  pursuing 
their  awful  career,  whirled  madly  in  space  till  their 
poor  brains  are  blind  drunk  and  witli  seeking  hands 
they  clutch  giddily  at  one  another's  throat — this 
monstrous  moving  battle-field  with  its  infestment 
of  incalculable  savages  smearing  the  laud  with 
blood  and  bittering  the  salt  seas  with  tears,  does 
not  afford  scope  enough  for  the  enterprise  of  old 
Mi.  Pickering's  morning  newspaper;  he  must 
needs  detail  a  reporter  to  invade  the  heavens  and 
write  up  our  neighbor  orbs.  "  By  far  the  most 
important  part  any  of  the  planets  play  in  the  his- 
tory of  the  month  of  May,"  says  this  trained  as- 
tronomer, "  is  the  total  eclipse  of  the  sun,  which 
will  occur  within  a  few  days,  when  the  sun  will  be 
totally  obscured  for  six  minutes  />;/  the  moon's 
fkadow."  It  will  reijuire  a  pretty  strong  light,  I 
should  think,  to  east  a  shadow  of  the  moon  upon 
the  face  of  the  sun,  but  let  no  man  make  the  mis- 
take of  underestimating  the  candle-power  of  this  re- 
porter's luminous  intelligence.  He  shines  worse 
than  a  new  tin  pan. 


General  Grant,  it  appears,  considers  an  alliance 
with  Mexico — he  probably  means  a  commercial 
treaty — a  political  and  social  benefit  to  both  repub- 
lics. So  do  I ;  its  chief  disadvantage  is  that  it  will 
enable  Jay  Gould  to  load  up  the  pockets  of  such 
selfish  dunderheads  as  his  man  Grant. 


This  Mexican  "  boom  "  is  a  singular  illustration 
of  how  the  basest  motives  of  the  meanest  men  may 
work  a  public  advantage.  I  know  something  of  its 
inception.  It  is  now  two  years  and  six  months  old. 
Being  in  New  York  that  long  ago,  I  had  the  honor 
to  assist  at  its  birth.  I  saw  how  it  was  worked  up 
by  day  Gould,  for  I  had  relations  with  certain 
newspapers  that  he  owned,  and  with  others  that 
he  controlled.  If  ever  there  was  a  scheme  which 
in  the  sordid  ingenuity  of  its  conception  and  con- 
scienceless iniquity  of  its  delivery  topped  all 
thought  and  transcended  all  belief,  this  placing  of 
Mexico  on  the  market  was  that  scheme.  In  the 
most  lawless  flights  of  his  fine  fancy,  Jack  Satan 
never  dreamed  of  anything  so  base  and  bad  as  the 
methods  devised  by  this  rascal  Gould  to  debauch 
"the  sister  republic."  He  succeeded  and  the 
thunder  clouds  of  Hades  gleam  crimson  with  the 
blushes  of  the  damned  at  his  success.  Yet  out  of 
this  horrible  conspiracy  shall  come  a  lasting  ad- 
vantage :  we  shall  import  Mexican  mescal  free  of 
duty,  send  Kentucky  whisky  down  there  on  even 
terms  and  get  mutually  and  internationally  drunk. 


The  novelist  who  makes  one  of  his  characters  re- 
late how  he  chopped  ofl*  his  rival's  head  with  an 
axe,  and  add,  ll  How  long  he  remained  unconscious 
Iknow  not,1'  mayrightlybe  said  to  have  exhausted 
the  literary  possibilities  of  the  phrase. 

Be  so  good,  Mr.  William  A.  Hamill,  as  to  discern 
the  circumstance  that  nature  has  damned  you  with 
a  prosaic  soul  while  firing  you  with  a  wish  to  sing. 
Have  the  kindness  to  understand,  also,  that  not 
only  are  you  unable  to  write  a  line  of  poetry — even 
by  the  use  of  both  hands  and  all  modern  appliances 
—but  you  are  savagely  unaware  of  its  nature  and 
cherish  a  scoundrelly  inability  to  comprehend  the 
rules  and  principles  of  verse.  You  are  not  to  flat- 
ter yourself,  sir,  that  the  acceptance  of  your  work 
by  the  Bulletin,  and  Call  is  evidence  of  its  merit, 
for  there  is  not  an  editor  on  either  of  those  papers 
that  knows  any  more  of  the  matter  than  you  do. 


Indeed,  there  are  probably  not  six  men  in  Califor- 
nia whose  talent,  studies  and  training  have  quali- 
fied them  for  judgment  of  manuscript  poetry.  You 
are  not  to  ask  of  my  own  fitness,  sir,  but  to  ac- 
cept with  deference  and  gratitude  my  assurance 
that  every  line  you  have  written,  so  far,  is  offensive 
alike  to  a  cultivated  mind  and  a  trained  ear.  If 
you  will  not;  if  you  challenge  either  my  compe- 
tence or  my  sincerity  ;  if  you  kick— I  shall  hunt  up 
some  of  your  verses,  put  your  name  at  the  top  and 
drag  them  into  the  light  of  day  with  that  felon's 
brand  upon  their  brow. 


Mr.  Hamill,  your  pursuit  of  poetic  fame  reminds 
me  of  a  story,  which— I  being  as  little  able  to  write 
poetry  as  you,  and  you  as  little  able  to  understand 
it  as  the  editor  of  the  Bulletin— you  will  permit  me 
to  relate  in  simple  verse  : 

A  bear  that  had  been  taught  to  sit 

At  bottom  of  a  public  pit 

And  spread  his  legs  to  make  a  lap 

For  apples,  nuts  or  any  scrap 

Of  such  comestibles  as  youth 

Might  vouchsafe  to  his  patient  tooth, 

Climbed  out  one  inauspicious  day 

And  to  the  forest  made  his  way. 

In  unaccustomed  freedom  there 

He  roamed  a  wild,  hilarious  bear  ; 

breamed  all  the  night  of  plenteous  prey, 

And  vainly  sought  it  all  the  day. 

When  by  the  stress  of  famine  made 

So  thin  he  scarce  could  cast  a  shade 

Without  an  effort,  nor  when  cast 

Could  eat  it,  he  scared  up  at  last 

A  wayward  pig,  and  so  gave  chase 

Straightway  at  a  prodigious  pace. 

The  shrieking  porker  likewise  flew 

To  save  his  bacon,  and  the  two 

(So  fast  they  clove  the  yielding  air) 

Appeared  a  dim,  prolonging  bear 

That  blotted  like  a  flying  fog 

The  phantom  of  an  endless  hog. 

Ho  through  the  forest  all  the  day 

They  held  their  straight,  impetuous  way, 

Kesembling,  as  they  streaked  the  wood, 

A  parallel  of  latitude. 

The  pig  before,  the  bear  behind, 

Each  strove  with  all  his  might  and  mind, 

This  to  increase,  and  that  to  close, 

The  gap  that  parted  tail  from  nose. 

lint  Bruin  had  the  greater  strength 

And  gained  on  Piggy,  length  by  length  : 

And  as  the  latter  turned  his  eyes 

Behind  him  to  apologize 

For  lack  of  roasting  and  for  lack 

Of  apple-sauce  to  dress  his  back. 

He  saw  long  smiles  of  pleasure  glance 

Across  the  ursine  countenance  ; 

Then  said  his  lay  me  down  to  sleep, 

And  prayed  his  lard  his  soul  to  keep. 

As  Piggy  put  this  prayer  on  tap 

The  bear,  who  now  had  closed  the  gap, 

Stopped  short,  sat  up  and  made  a  lap  ! 

Here  ends  my  tale—the  pig's  did  not, 

But  vanishe'd,  whisking,  from  the  spot. 


A  man  was  recently  haled  before  one  of  our  city 
courts  for  assault.  The  testimony  showed  that  he 
had  come  storming  out  of  a  doorway  on  Kearny 
street,  had  sprung  into  a  crowd  of  ladies  returning 
from  a  matinee,  and  falling  foul  of  a  strange  woman, 
had  repeatedly  kissed  her,  to  the  unspeakable  de- 
rangement of  her  headgear  and  the  utter  overthrow 
of  her  tranquility.  He  had  no  witnesses  for  the 
defence  and  employed  no  counsel,  but  when  the 
testimony  waB  all  in  he  rose  and  explained  to  the 
Court  that  in  all  the  crowd  on  Kearny  street  the 
prosecuting  witness  was  the  only  woman  whose 
face  was  not  protected  by  paint  and  powder.  Sud- 
denly confronted  with  this  overwhelming  tempta- 
tion and  matchless  opportunity,  his  feelings  had 
overcome  him  and  he  had  sinned.  He  hoped  the 
Court  would  be  as  lenient  as  possible  under  the  cir- 
cumstances.    There  were  a  few  moments  of  dead 


silence  ;  then  the  judge  arose  and  puttiug  on  the 
black  cap  spoke  as  follows  ;  "  Prisoner  at  the  bar, 
get  you  gone  ;  there  has  been  a  mistake."  Then, 
turning  to  the  prosecuting  witness,  His  Honor  re- 
marked :  "  Madam  I  shall  detain  you  until  a  war- 
rant can  be  made  out  for  your  arrest  upon  a  charge 
of  indecent  exposure  of  your  face.  I  consider  that 
the  victim  of  your  wiles  acted  with  manly  modera- 
tion and  a  self-restraint  that  is  at  once  touching  ami 
beautiful.  Mr.  Bailiff,  remove  the  spectators,  the 
witnesses,  the  Prosecuting  Attorney  and  the  lady's 
veil.  You  will  then  take  yourself  oil'  while  the 
Court  makes  out  the  warrant." 


Our  Minister  to  Germany  shows  much  more  interest  in 
the  American  hug  than  Mr.  Lowell  in  the  lives  and  lib- 
erty  of  American  citizens.  But  then  Mr.  Sargent  is  a 
Californian  and  not  a  snob.  —  Examiner. 

To  the  man  who  complacently  draws  a  distinc- 
tion that  divides  mankind  into  two  great  classes, 
Californians  and  Snobs,  assigns  Mr.  Lowell  to  a 
place  among  the  latter  and  regards  Mr.  Sargent,  as 
a  better  man,  greeting  :  Sir,  the  angels  arc  calling 
you  an  ass.  Sir,  in  high  heaven  is  a  great  book 
wherein  the  hand  of  Wod  has  written  opposite  your 
name  the  words  :  (<  One  of  my  failures."  Sir,  the 
black  sow  Ignorance  pigged  in  the  sty  of  Sin. 
There  were  nine  in  the  litter.  Crime  was  one, 
Folly  was  another,  and  you  are  the  remaining 
seven.  My  dear,  you  are  a  pig  for  every  day  in  the 
week. 


I.  It  has  been  affirmed  that  the  publishers  of 
San  Francisco  newspapers  are  venal.  II.  The  pub- 
lishers of  San  Francisco  newspapers  are  human. 
m.  The  publishers  of  San  Francisco  newspapers 
love  money,  not  for  its  own  sake  but  for  what  it 
will  buy.  IV.  They  have  great  self-denial  and 
are  strong  under  the  stress  of  temptation.  Y. 
They  can  refuse  ten  dollars  ten  times.  "VT,  They 
cannot  refuse  one  hundred  dollars  once. — End  of 
tli£  treatise  on  the  venality  of  tin-  publisliers  of  San 
Francisco    newspapers. 


The  society  editor  of  the  Examinee  beiuu  con- 
strained by  duty  to  record  a  delicate  and  interest- 
ing social  event,  clothes  his  visage  with  a  □ 
blush,  casts  down  his  eyes  and  says,  with  decent, 
euphemism,  that  the  offenders  were  ''joined  in  the 
holy  bonds  of  matrimony."  A  coarser  intelligence 
would  have  invoked  the  prurient  ambiguity  of  a 
dash  and  written  that  they  were  "m— d."  Mr. 
Irwin,  of  the  Call,  once  veutured  to  say  of  a 
bride  that  she  was  "l-d  to  the  h-m-n-  -1  alt-r," 
but  he  writes  so  criminal  a  hand  that  the  compos 
itor  mistook  his  hyphens  for  vowels  and  the  words 
were  printed  in  full.  Mr.  Irwin  made  feverish  en- 
deavors to  suppress  the  whole  edition  of  the  paper, 
and  was  real  sick. 

Our  good  friend,  the  Boston  GJo&e,  exults  in  a 
department  called  "  Hoof  Prints."  It  is  there 
that  the  editor  makes  his  deepest  impression  upon 
the  world  when  he  has  been  made  stamping  mad 
by  the  farmer  who  offers  him  a  wagon  load  of  bay 
in  payment  for  the  paper. 


•  Carl  Browne,"  says  Jackson,  of  the  Eeeiu 
'  Is  called  the  Xast  of  the  Pacific  Coast." 
Some  likeness,  certainly,  to  Nast  we  find 
In  Carl— I  think  it  is  his  Nasty  mind. 


/  Post, 


11  Point  me  to  a  boss,"  says  ex-Senator  Conk - 
ling,  "  and  I  will  show  you  a  man  who  by  virtue  of 
his  abilities  deserves  to  be  a  boss."  Point  me  to  a 
hog  and  I  will  show  you  an  animal  which  by  virtue 
of  its  vices  deserves  to  be  a  hog.  Now,  Koscoe,  it 
is  your  turn  again. 


THE    WASP 


A    DITTY     OF     THE    DUDE., 


Where  shall  we  find  the  peer  01*  the  mate  of  him, 

So  frugal  of  chest  and  wan  of  mood  ? 
How  shall  we  hymn  the  marvellous  gait  of  him, 

Anglican  gait  of  the  fairy-sweet  Dude  ? 
So  mediaeval,  yet  so  young ;  so  moody,  yet  so  mild  ; 

Loathed  of  "cads"  and  lover  of  "fads," 
The  Mode's  own  youngest  child. 

Who  is  he,  how  is  \e,  why  is  he,  whence  is  he, 

Guileless  and  gilded,  and  sere,  yet  fair  ? 
Sprung  from  the  milk-and-water  immense  is  he, 

Weak  as  the  water  and  void  as  the  air  '.' 
Or  risen  out  of  the  depths  of  earth,  and  silent  as  its  clods, 

Fixed  of  fate,  though  pulpy  of  pate, 

Loves  he  nor  girls  nor  gods  ? 

Why  is  his  face  so  bereft  of  beatitude, 
Pained  at  the  party  and  bored  at  the  ball  ? 

Why  does  he  show  such  a  hopeless  crush -hatitude, 
Prodded  and  pinned  like  a  fly  to  the  wall  ? 

Thin  of  leg,  so  elbowish,  so  slender  and  so  slight, 
Too  frail,  too  feeble  fop,  within  what  mortal  shop 
Grows  he  his  clothes  so  tight  ? 

Nay,  is  it  hope,  is  it  hopeless,  clear  agony, 

His  fun-owless  field  of  the  future  fills, 
When  from  a  Flemish  or  Frisian  flagon  he 

Bathes  with  Bass's  his  vacuous  gills  '! 
Charm  of  the  cafe  and  chop-house  :    mystical,  faint  and 
new, 
Why  pays  he  not  his  bills,  why  doth  he  feed  on  grills, 
Cobwebs  and  honey  dew  ? 

Why  is  his  choker's  most  mammoth  rigidity  ? 

Why  is  his  cane's  sheen,  silver  head  2 
Why  from  that  argent,  apparent  aridity 

Is  he  becomingly  nourished  '! 
Misplaced,  misliked,  misanthropic,  miscalled,  misunder- 
stood, 
So  poor  and  so  rare,  oh,  how,  and  oh,  where, 
And  oh,  why  is  the  Dude  ? 

Up  at  the  Brunswick  he  holds  his  consistory 

In  a  meek,  sleek,  weak,  in  a  sad,  lad's  way  ; 
But  who  shall  ravel  his  ravelless  mystery, 

Or  the  core,  the  heart,  the  why  of  him  say  ? 
For  now  of  nothing  mortal  more  doth  he  take  heed  or 
care, 
But  like  a  Sphinx  he  stands,  nor  blinks, 
A  calni,  incarnate  stare, 


COHEN     VERSUS     COHEN. 


In  view  of  Mr.  A.  A.  Cohen's  recent  letter  to 
the  Railroad  Commission,  the  following  extracts 
from  the  same  gentleman's  speech  at  Piatt's  Hall, 
August  2,  1879,  have  a  singular  interest  and  unique 
value  : 

I  advocate,  gentlemen,  and  I  ask  you  to  demand 
of  those  for  whom  you  vote,  whether  for  Governor, 
for  members  of  the  Legislature,  or  for  Railroad 
Commissioners,  that  they  will  accomplish  a  reduc- 
tion in  the  net  earnings  of  this  railroad  company  of 
one- third  of  the  present  amouut.  *  *  * 
All  the  consideration,  the  tenderness  and  sympathy 
of  our  public  men  and  officials  has  heretofore  been 
for  the  interests  of  the  railroad  company  ;  we  have 
heard  no  such  expressions  on  behalf  of  the  people. 
If  any  risks  are  to  be  taken  ;  if  the  question  is 
whether  the  merchants,  the  farmers,  the  manufac- 
turers and  the  traders  are  to  be  oppressed  as  they 
have  heretofore  been  ;  whether  the  little  commerce 
that  now  remains  to  us  is  to  be  totally  destroyed 
and  our  noble  harbor  deserted,  or  whether  this 
pampered  corporation  is  to  take  the  risk  of  some 
temporary  inconvenience  by  reason  of  the  diminu- 
tion of  its  enormous  income,  it  would  seem  to  be  not 
only  politic  but  in  accord  with  every  principle  of 
equitable  justice  that  we  should  require  this  cor- 
poration to  make  the  experiment,  if,  indeed,  it  be 
any  experiment.  If  the  plan  that  we  advocate  is 
found  to  be  too  onerous— to  be  too  harsh  ;  if,  after 
a  fair  trial,  it  is  discovered  that  this  reduction  that 
we  now  propose  is  too  great — it  will  be  easy  enough 
to  concede  something.  But  let  us  make  a  begin- 
ning ;  let  us  make  this  trial.  Give,  for  a  short 
time,  some  ease  and  relief  to  the  suffering  business 
interests  of  this  community. 

#  #  *  # 

These  unreasonable  and  extortionate  charges  of 
the  Central  Pacific  Railroad  Company  must  cease, 
or  it  will  become  the  owner  of  every  foot  of  land  in 
this  State.     Since  the  completion  of  the  main  line 


of  this  company  to  Promentory  Point  it  has,  ac- 
cording to  its  own  showing,  received  as  earnings 
upwards  of  $125,000,000,  During  the  same  time 
it  shows  by  its  returns  that  it  has  expended  in 
operating  expenses  about  $40,000,000,  leaving  a 
profit  of  $85,000,000  from  which  to  pay  its  interest. 
It  has  from  those  earnings  and  from  the  profit 
made  in  the  building  of  the  road  purchased  the 
Oakland  and  Alameda  ferries,  the  California  Pacific 
Railroad,  the  roads  out  of  San  Francisco  known  as 
the  San  Jose  system  and  the  boats  belonging  to  the 
California  Steam  Navigation  Company.  It  has 
built  a  shore  line  of  road  from  Oakland  through 
Martinez  to  Tracy,  and  it  has  built  a  road  from 
Goshen,  the  terminus  of  the  San  Joaquin  Valley 
road,  to  Maricopa  Wells,  A.  T.  The  cost  of  this 
Southern  Pacific  road,  which  serves  effectually  to 
shut  out  every  chance  of  competition,  every  pros- 
pect of  relief  to  the  suffering  people  of  this  State, 
has  been  wrested  from  their  earnings  by  this 
rapacious  corporation.  Not  content  with  asking 
us  to  pay  interest  on  the  bonds  actually  ex- 
pended in  the  construction  of  their  road,  they  have 
forced  us  to  pay  interest  on  the  bonds  which  came 
to  the  Directors  as  their  profit  upon  its  construc- 
tion. They  have  forced  us  to  pay  8  per  cent,  divi- 
dend on  $54,000,000  of  stock  which  never  cost  the 
parties  who  hold  it  one  single  copper  ;  ?nd  they 
have  forced  us  to  p?y  to  them  money  sufficient  to 
build  900  miles  of  the  Southern  Pacific  Railroad. 
It  is  no  longer  a  question  whether  we  will  or  will 
not  submit  to  be  thus  imposed  upon.  The  time  is 
fast  approaching  when  we  shall  have  no  choice  in 
the  matter,  unless  we  devise  a  remedy  that  will  be 
prompt  and  effective. 

*  *  #  * 

I  contend  that  the  Central  Pacific  Railroad 
Company,  being  a  corporation  created  by  the 
Legislature  of  this  State,  is  subject  to  the  power  of 
its  creator  to  say  what  contracts  it  shall  make  in 
this  State,  or  what  contracts  of  its  making  can  be 
enforced  within  this  State.  The  Legislature  may 
certainly  say,  as  a  condition  of  the  corporate  fran- 
chise, that  it  shall  not  charge  more  than  so  much 
per  ton  per  mile  over  any  road  owned  by  the  cor- 
poration, whether  in  or  beyond  this  State.  It  may 
say  that  no  contract  to  be  performed  in  this  State 
shall  be  valid  which  fixes  a  rate  higher  than 
the  maximum  that  the  Commissioners  prescribe. 
*  *  *  If  the  Legislature  may  say,  as 
it  undoubtedly  can,  that  this  corporation  shall  not 
exist  at  all,  then  it  must  necessarily  possess  the 
power  of  enacting  the  use  it  shall  make  of  its  fran- 
chise, which  it  holds  only  by  the  legislative  will, 
and  which  may  be  determined  and  ended  at  the 
legislative  discretion. 


THE     DUD1NE, 


It  is  a  proof  of  the  active  character  of  the  pre- 
vailing woman,  that  the  dude  has  been  in  exist- 
ence only  a  few  months,  and  we  now  have  the 
dudine.  In  all  essential  points  she  is  the  exact 
counterpart  of  her  male  type,  except  that,  with  a 
woman's  subtlety,  she  has  gone  a  degree  deeper  in 
vacuousness.  It  must,  however,  be  acknowledged 
that  the  dudine  has  a  more  rational  basis  of 
existence  than  the  dude.  She  is  a  living  protest 
against  the  over-intellectuality  of  American  women, 
and  exactly  represents  in  terra-cotta  colors  the 
beautiful  vegetation  which  a  great  many  men  fall 
in  love  with.  She  clings,  weeps,  sighs  and  giggles. 
She  is  trussed,  harnessed,  pinioned,  pinched,  laced 
and  compressed.  She  has  reduced  the  problem  of 
existence  to  a  flirtation  behind  a  fan.  She  walks 
with  the  aid  of  a  chiropidist.  She  eats  with  the 
aid  of  pepsin  and  hot  water.  She  sleeps  with  the 
aid  of  bromide  of  potassium.  She  exercises  in  an 
elevator.  She  plays  Camllle  in  her  dreams  and  eats 
caramels  and  reads  Zola  when  she  is  awake.  She 
is  a  sort  of  bow  of  promise  in  the  social  sky  that 
the  continent  will  not  be  over-populated. 


Congressman  "  Pig-iron  "  Kelly  has  had  a  big 
tumor  removed  from  his  throat.  The  newspapers 
do  not  say  whether  it  was  cut  away  with  a  cold- 
chisel  or  melted  out.  They  say,  however,  that  the 
patient  is  much  relieved.  Judging  from  what  we 
have  seen  of  the  honorable  gentleman's  speeches  we 
should  think:  the  tumor  would  feel  much  relieved, 
too. 

Considering  Mr.  Vanderbilt's  rather  sudden  with- 
drawal from  the  presidency  of  seventeen  railroads 
and  his  hasty  departure  for  Europe  would  it  not  be 
prudent  to  make  an  investigation  of  his  accounts  ? 


NOTES     ON    SCIENCE, 


The  Chinese  Emperor  has  appointed  Lung  Hi 
Quong  Imperial  Astronomer,  and  is  having  an  ob- 
servatory erected  for  him.  Lung  owes  this  dis- 
tinguished honor  to  the  scientific  skill  with  which 
he  discovered  that  the  sun  rises  out  of  a  hole  in  the 
Ala  Shan  Mountains,  about  five  hundred  miles  east 
of  Peking.  This  has  been  disputed  by  the  famous 
astronomer  Chi  Hontr,  who  avers  that  it  comes  out 
as  far  east  as  Lake  Balkash  in  the  Kirghiz  ;  but  the 
Emperor's  appointment  of  Quong  is  generally  ac- 
cepted as  a  fair  settlement  of  the  matter,  except  by 
those  living  eastward  of  the  Alta  Shan  range  - 
where  science  never  did  get  much  of  a  foothold, 
anyhow. 


The  coal  found  in  New  Zealand  contains  fossil 
foot-prints  nineteen  inches  long,  from  which  it  is 
rather  hastily  inferred  that  the  country  was  at  one  I 
time  inhabited  by  Oakland  girls. 

M.  de  Lesseps  is  pushing  work  very  actively  on 
his  African  "  inland  sea  "  project,  and  the  Be- 
douins inhabiting  the  region  that  he  has  selected 
for  the  site  of  his  ocean  have  been  compelled  to 
incur  a  considerable  expense  for  blotting  pads  to 
defend  their  homes.  They  are  also  cultivating  the 
sponge. 


A  flying  machine  is  being  constructed  for  the  use 
of  Nordenskjold's  expedition  to  Greenland.  It  is 
built  on  a  new  and  untried  plan,  but  there  is  no 
doubt  that  it  will  fly  when  hit  by  one  of  the  winter 
breezes  peculiar  to  the  region. 

It  has  been  discovered  that  when  a  tuning-fork 
is  held  in  a  flame  it  sings  louder  and  in  a  rather 
higher  key  than  it  does  otherwise.  It  is  the  same 
way  with  a  Christian  martyr. 


A  mixture  composed  of  16  parts  of  carbolic  acid, 
2  of  chewing  gum,  7  of  boracic  acid  and  30  of 
dough  is  said  to  possess  peculiar  properties. 

When  an  empty  steam  boiler  is  brought  to  a 
white  heat  and  the  water  is  suddenly  turned,  in  the 
description  of  the  result  by  an  eye-witness  is  ex- 
ceedingly interesting  to  the  coroner. 


Experiments  recently  made  atBoulogne-sur-Mer 
prove  that  most  men  over-estimate  the  resistance 
that  the  atmosphere  offers  to  the  flight  of  a  cannon 
shot,  or  they  would  get  behind  something  firmer. 


A  German  has  invented  an  apparatus  that 
enables  him  to  walk  on  the  water,  but  he  admits 
that  it  would  be  a  little  tiresome  to  go  up  so  steep 
a  grade  as  Niagara  Falls. 


Dr.  Li  Po  Tai  has  a  female  counterpart  in  China 
— an  American  quackess,  Mrs.  Howard,  whose;) 
fame  has  extended  over  all  the  Northern  part  of  the 
Empire.  She  uses  purely  American  remedies,  such  I 
as  the  eyes  of  rattlesnakes,  toads'  entrails,  dried 
spiders  and  dead  men's  toes.  Some  of  her  cures 
have  been  truly  wonderful  and  it  is  proposed  to 
make  her  a  Mandarin. 


Mr.  Sang,  of  the  Royal  Society,  Edinburgh,  says 
'taint  so — distant  ships  and  cities  can't  be  seen 
"  suspended  in  the  air,"  bottom  side  up,  under  any 
condition  of  the  atmosphere.  We  prefer  to  think 
him  a  liar  of  the  modern  iconoclastic  sort,  and  shall 
continue  to  see  our  favorite  inverted  images  as 
usual. 

General  Crook's  present  attitude  toward  the 
Government  is  not  an  enviable  one.  After  being 
tacitly  permitted  by  the  United  States  authorities 
to  enter  Mexico  he  is  suddenly  given  to  understand 
that  has  committed  a  serious  breach  of  international 
courtesy  for  which  he  will  be  held  personally  re- 
sponsible—if the  Mexicans  make  a  row  about  it. 
As  the  Mexicans  are  only  too  glad  of  assistance 
against  the  Apaches,  they  are  not  likely  to  kick 
about  etiquette — if  the  General  gets  away  with  the 
Indians.  Thus  Crook  has  the  pleasant  alternative 
of  victory  or  a  court  martial.  Truly,  our  Govern 
ment  has  queer  notions  of  supporting  the  national 
dignity.  If  Crook  has  done  anything  wrong  he 
ought  to  be  punished  for  it,  but  surely  it  ought  not 
to  be  left  for  a  lot  of  howling  Mexican  greasers  on 
the  frontier  to  decide,  according  to  the  measure  of 
the  General's  success,  whether  he  has  offended 
against  the  military  laws  of  the   United  States  or 


J 


THE     WASP. 


REMOVAL. 

Toe  M  and  well  known  house  of  J.    W.   Tucker  &  Co. 
■  1   to  the  corner  of    Kearny  and  tiearv  streets, 
the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


LYDIA  E,   PINKHAM'S 

VESETABLE  COMPOUND. 

A  Snre  Cure    for    all    FEMALE    WEAK- 
NESSES*   Including    I.curori  Iimh  .    Ir- 
regular and  Painful  MentJtranlion, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb,    Flooding,   PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  &c. 
t^Plcusant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  ami  immediate 
1n  its  effect.    It  is  a  (Treat  help  in.  pregnane j-    and    r-.- 
Jieves  pain  daring  labor  and  at  regular  pci  i-  ds. 
FHYSICU5S  USE  IT  AND  PRESCRIBE  IT  FREELY. 
ST'Foh  all  We-vOTEsses  of  the  generative  organs 
of  Mtber  sex,  it  Is  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  < ■■ ■■■  i 
been  before  the  public;  and  for  all   diseases  of  th* 
Kidxets  it  Is  the  Greatest  Bemedjj  in  the  World. 

PTKIDNET  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LTBTA  E.  PIXKHAM'S  BLOOD  PrRIFiXR 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  from  the 
Bluo'i.  n'  the  same  time  wfll  give  tone  and  strength  t" 
tbe  system.    a.h  nwrvellou*  i  n  resuitsastbeCompouiicL 

t3"Botn  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lyim.  Mass. 
Price  of  either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  The  Compoun-J 
I  ppnt  by  mail  In  the  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenge?,  on 
receipt  of  price,  $1  per  box  for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkoam 
j  freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Encloa  Scent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  this  Paper. 

lyLYTHA  E,  Ptxkham's  I.rvrTH  Ptli.s  cure  Const  pa- 
Uon,  Biliousness  ami  Tnr]iiiiii>-  <>l   tLi.    I.iv.  r.    'Si  fi.-i.i--. 

«3"Sold  by  all  IrraKgista.'S* 


££T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Los  ol  M.inhood  and 
nil  ihc  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  y*utlii'ul  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening1  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 

Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  of  ^  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.  D.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential. 


KIDNEY^WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in.  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
P|  I  ETC  THIS  distressing  com- 
rILCvt  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
*3-  tyif  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  81.  I  USE  I    Druggists  Sel 


KIDNEY- WORT 


87 


A  WEEK.    $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  i:  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
POIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

fc^TRY  PFUNOER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

600  KEARNY  STREET,  BAN 
<*w  O  Francisco  —  Established 
in  I8M  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases,  nervous  and  p 
Ih'blllty.  or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  bim.  Tbe  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  In  Europe,  and  In- 
spected thoroughly  tbe  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  le 
competent  to  Impart  to  thoBe  In  need 
Of  hia  services  DR.  GIBBON  will 
£:** make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
oure.  PersonB  at  a  "distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  reeonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran, 
i-isco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  id  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Eluiwood,   Gleuwood,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 


I-JON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
u  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
<tock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


a 

<x> 


O 
K 

a 

S3 


o 

ELEGANT  CARRIACES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f 'g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and  Letters  of   In- 
quiry to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


C.  HERRMANN  &  GO. 

(HERRMANN,     The    Hatter.) 

WILL    GIVE    YOU 

A.    Better    Hat 

For  your  money  tban  any  store  on  the  Coast.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       KearnyH Street,      336. 

Between    Bu*Ii    and    Pine.   San  Francisco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TARRANT'S 

COMPOUND   EXTR  CTS 

Cubebs    and    Copaiba 

I   i-  luperioi  ' 
reparation  hitherto  invent'  I 
lining  in  ;»  very  high  I  j 
state  tbe  medi  of  the 

md  Copaiba.  '  >ue  recom- 
mendation this  preparation 
over  all  others  Ui  its  neat,  portable 
the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  'wing  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  doe--  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  ft  CO 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  2fi  h  street, 

Nfew  York.  For  Sale  By  All  I>kii;«ibt8. 


form,  put  up  in  pot-  ; 


m*- 


Cures  an.  paims:  nice  to   use! 

itin<i>i>  a  <  <>..  Drngglxu,  shu  .lose.  California. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE  ; 

Establlfthed    1852. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 

'  and  BEST 

IB    -A.    T    ZE3I    S 

On  P  U  1!  I1-   Coasi  . 

II  KklSH,     RUSSIAN,     STEAM.     M  1,1' II I  R 

or  other    Medicated    RiilhK. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

ScT  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),    No*.  :>it,  ,v,'4,  .->■;«. 
ami    528    Pacific  Street,   near   Commercial    Hotel,   ■ 
Kearnj     and     Montgomery.      Entrance    through      Carl 
Drug  i^tore.      Open   from   7  k.  u.  to  8  P.  H.,  Bundaya  rill  3  p.  w. 
i'rr  ite  rooms  tor  patients 

N.    B-— Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established 

■v-r    INSURE    IN    THE     BEST.   & 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Dollars.    Paid  lo 

Policy    Holder*,  over  Seven    Million    Dollar*. 

"  The   Old    and    Rel'able  " 

E  W    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY. 

Tolal   Afuets,        -       -       -         850,550,9S1.63 
Total    Income.         -       -       -     *ll,4!U.I4:!.xo 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure    Lit-'   Policy,  at  liberal   terms, 
can  apply  to 

A.  G.  HAWES,  Manager  tor  Pacifl.  Coosl 
330  Snn»ome  Street,       •       ■       ■      San   Francisco. 


N 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurance  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

Scotch,  Union,  and  National 

Insurance    Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 


IIM.iN  A  MAMIE1M.  MAt'DONALI*  A  ntWI.\ 

*'lty  AgenCSi                              General  Agents, 
Ml  California  Street.                    827  Sansome  ilveet, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  R.  M  li 


Cb 


.  W.  Maoparlaxe. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIKF.-PKOUF     BlILDINti, S3     ftllEF.N      8TBEET, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  bland*. 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See    Local. 


10 


THE    WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


AGRICULTURAL  IMPLEMENTS— BAKER  & 
Hamilton,  Manufacturers  and  Importers  of  Agricul- 
tural Implements,  Hardware,  etc.,  9  to  15  J  street, 
Sacramento.  Jt^TThe  most  extensive  establishment  on  the 
Pacific  Coast.     Eastern  office,  88  Wall  street,  New  York. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  84. 
Meals,  25  cents.  83T  AH  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
hand. 


COLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


CLAUSS    &   WERTHEIMS'    BOCA   BEER   Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 


DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  IN- 
creases  the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  £3f  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


FOUND  AT  LAST-AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^"Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  andC.  E.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  83T  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co. ,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
S5if  One  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Sign  of  the  Town  Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superi"  ir  quality  of  goods,  AST  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
<  'are  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  CaL  * 

LK.  HAMMER,  820  J  STREET,  SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.,  agent  for  Checkering  Pianos,  Wilcox  &  White's 
*  Organs.  A  complete  stock  of  Musical  Merchandise, 
Sheet  Music,  Music  Books,  etc.,  constantly  on  hand. 
aST  Strings  a  specialty. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     83TA.  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
lished in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  ^"Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 

STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  (NEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
$<>  to  812  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  $2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 

THE  RED  HOUSE  TRADE  UNION,  706-714-716 
J  street,  Sacramento.  Branch  93  and  95  D  street, 
Marysville.  C.  H.  Gilman,  proprietor.  flSTThe  larg- 
est retail  house  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  The  originator  of 
the  "  One  Price  " — goods  being  marked  in  plain  figures. 

M.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc. ,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


■}:  •    hem&v  tietjen;  ■■• 

■^.HENRY  AHBENSvg|&.  ~TM,V.»0R3TEt., 


:/,        MSOl- 1434-  •  'o^j-'PiNE STNEAR  POL* 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 


.,  f/?o^s. 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.     JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from-  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     S&  Send  for  price  list. 


EAGLE  HOTEL.  TEMPERANCE  HOUSE. 
Weber  avenue,  Stockton,  Cal.  Board  $4  per  week. 
Board  and  Lodging,  S5  to  86.  Per  day,  SI  to  $1,25. 
Meals,  25  cents.  AST  S,treet  cars  pass  within  half  block. 
Mrs.  E.  H.  Allen,  proprietress. 


GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  '74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  ^"Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 


STOCKTON  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 
Paid  up  capital,  8500,000.  Deposits  payable  in 
time  or  on  demand.  Pays  5  per  cent,  interest  after 
30  days.  Domestic  and  foreign  exchange.  Transacts  gen- 
eral banking  business.  L.  XL  Shippee,  president ;  F.  M. 
West,  cashier. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  SETHIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


>ETNA 

Hot  Mineral  Springs 

SITUATED  SIXTEEN  MILES  EAST  OF  ST. 
Helena,  in  PopeValley,  Napa  County.  These  waters 
closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany  in  analysis  and 
salutary  effects.  Board  and  baths,  §10  per  week.  The 
JEtna,  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  Thursdays  and 
Saturdays  at  1  P.  M,,  connecting  with  the  8  A.  M.  train 
from  San  Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs  at  5:30  P. 
M.  Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlet  to  W.  H.  LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California, 


DEALERS  _IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  LloVd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  §5. 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace1 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 


Merced      Exchange, 

MESSRS.     SCHUUR     k     FOWLER     HAVING 
leased  the  premises  corner  Montgomery  and  Wash- 
ington streets,  have  fitted  up  the  same  as  a  FIRST 
CLASS  SALOON  and  OYSTER  HOUSE. 

KOW     Ol'EX     TO     THE     PI  Itl.lc. 


CONSUMPTION 


I  hit 


a  positive  re- 
medy for  the  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Us  ii*e  thous- 
_  andd  ot  cases  of  tha 
worst  kind  and  of  longstanding  have  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  stiong 
i3  my  faith  In  Its  efficacy,  that  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TREATISE  on  this  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er.   Give  Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A.  SLOCUM,  181  Pearl  St.,  N.T. 

STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


<Thls  Eugraviog  represents  the  Lunga  In  &  healthy  state. 


'  Consumption, 
idis,  Ci" 
Croup. 


THE 

REMEDYllCoa?hsr  Colds, 

FOR 

CI  I  R  I  N  d  Al"'  Other  Tkrnat  ami    lung 

unll'u  A  il'i-c  lions. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any   Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it    has  No   Equal. 

FOB  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,   San  Francisco.  California. 
LAUGHLIN  k  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  k   CO., 


Morris  &   Kennedy. 

19  and  2 1   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


THE     WASP. 


II 


NEGRO    CAMP-MEETING     SONG, 


Ole  8ister  Mary  drapped  her  pride, 
\n' all  at  ome  got  aanotified, 
\n'  when  she  fell  down  for  fcer  pray, 
She  tuck  up  wings  an'  Mew  away. 

i  >h,  take  off  your  coat,  po'  sinner  man, 
An'  pray  ter  de  Lawd  a-  fas'  an  yer  can. 

Ole  Bister  Mary,  when  she  rijs, 

Shuck  her  leg  at  de  rheuuiati/.. 

An'  flew  way  ober  tlie  turnip  patch, 

<  hi  her  way  ter  lift  tie  heahenly  latch. 

I  Hi,  git  on  de  gronn',  po'  sinner  man, 
An'  make  a  move  ter  jine  de  ban'. 

H  He  bruder  Ike  was  full  ob  sin, 
An'  at  de  Lawd  would  »tan'  an'  grin, 
But  de  Debil  grabbed  him  with  a  hook, 
An'  down  below  wid  him  he  took. 

<>h,  roll  in  de  saa',  sinful  chile, 
An'  take  from  yer  soul  de  Debit's  bile. 
■  Arkanstuv  Traveler. 


A     LITTLE     GAME     OF     DRAW, 


"  Now,  my  dear,"  said  Mr.  Kpuopemlyke, 
shuttling  the  cards  and  dividing  the  checkers  into 
two  even  piles,  "  suppose  we  play  a  little  game  of 
poker.     Do  you  know  how  to  play  poker  ?  " 

"  I  guess  so,"  replied  Mrs.  Spoopendyke,  hitch- 
ing up  her  chair  and  dusting  the  top  of  the  table 
with  a  towel. 

"  Now  how  many  cards  do  you  want  1  " 

l<  Let  me  think,"  muttered  Mrs.  Spoopendyke. 
Ll  Let's  see,  I  believe  I'll  take  ten." 

"  Better  take  a  gross  !  "  snorted  Mr.  Spoopen- 
dyke, eyeing  her  wrathfully.  '■  Perhaps  yon'd  like 
half  a  barrel  !  Don't  you  know  you  can't  draw 
but  five  i  If  you  got  any  bad  cards,  throw  'em 
away  and  I'll  give  you  more  for  'em.  If  your  cards 
are  all  good  you  can  stand  pat.  Do  you  want  to 
stand  pat  '.  " 

"  I  guess  so,"  sighed  Mrs.  Spoopendyke,  help- 
lessly. "  If  I  stand  pat,  do  I  play  the  eight  or 
the  queen  ?  " 

"  You  don't  play  either,"  replied  Mr.  Spoopen- 
dyke, helping  himself  to  five  cards  and  drawing  a 
couple  of  kings.  "  Now,  it's  my  bet.  I  bet  two  ; 
what  do  you  bet  '?  " 

"  Then  I  bet  two,"  answered  Mrs.  Spoopendyke, 
brightening  up  as  she  began  to  see  her  way  clear. 
"  I  bet  a  queen  and  an  eight,"  and  she  laid  them 
down  with  confidence. 

"■  That  calls  my  hand,"  said  Mr.  Spoopendyke, 
gleefully,  "  only  you  don't  bet  your  cards  ;  you  bet 
your  checkers.  Put  in  two  checkers  and  show  your 
cards. " 

Mrs.  Spoopendyke  shoved  her  checkers  into  the 
middle  of  the  table  and  laid  down  three  eights  and 
a  pair  of  queens. 

"  Where'd  you  get  'em  '!  "  roared  Mr.  Spoopen- 
dyke, recognizing  his  defeat.  "  What'd  you  want 
to  keep  talking  about  the  three  of  eights  and  the 
two  of  queens  for  ?  Why  didn't  you  tell  me  you 
had  a  full  hand  ?  " 

li  You  gave  them  to  me,"  returned  Mrs.  Spoop- 
endyke, dolefully.  "  I  only  had  those  five.  What 
does  it  do  !  " 

"  It  makes  a  jack-pot  !  "  growled  Mr.  Spoopen- 
dyke, seeing  a  chance  for  himself  in  his  wife's  utter 
ignorance  of  the  game.  "  Now  we've  each  got  to 
put  in  one  checker,  just  because  you  played  in  that 
way." 

"I'm  sorry,  dear,"  cooed  Mrs.  Spoopendyke, 
rather  pleased  with  the  idea  of  getting  out  of  the 
scrape  at  any  expense.  "  And  yet  I  might  have 
known  it  would  have  made  a  jack  pop,  if  I  had 
stopped  to  think  !  " 

1  £  When  you  stop  to  think,  you  only  want  a  stick 
of  chewing  gum  and  a  rat  trap  to  be  a  female 
seminary.  Do  you  know  what  a  jack  pot  is  ?  Got 
some  kind  of  a  notion  that  it  has  three  legs  and  is 
used  to  cook  mush  in,  haven't  ye  ?  Well,  it  isn't, 
and  it  isn't  to  sit  there  and  grin  at,  either  !  It 
takes  a  pair  of  jacks,  or  something  as  good  as  them 
to  open  it.  Now,  take  these  cards,  and  tell  me 
whether  you  can  open  it  or  not." 

Mrs.  Spoopendyke  examined  her  cards  critically. 

"  What  have  you  got  I  "  demanded  Mr.  Spoop- 
endyke. 

His  wife  laid  down  four  aces  and  a  jack. 

Mr.  Spoopendyke  glanced  at  the  hand  and  then 
at  his  own  cards.  His  ace  was  only  the  joker, 
which  he  had  forgotten  to  remove  from  the  pack. 


"  Which  opens  it  I"  inquired  Mrs.  Spoopendyke, 

watching  the  gathering  storm   with   Bi 
turn. 

"  Nothing  opens  it  !"  yelled  Mr.  Spoopendyke, 
dashing  his  curds  to  the  floor,  "With  your  way 
of  playing  it,  it  would  takea  steam  oyster  knife  to 
open  it  !  How 'd  ye  think  it  was  opened  with  a 
night  key  I  Got  an  idea  that  it  has  hinges,  haven't 
ye,  and  ..pens  widest  when  it  lias  nothing  to  Say, 
like  your  mouth  i  " 

"  Must  I  bet  my  last  cent  now  !  "  faltered  Mrs. 
Spoopendyke,  profoundly  impressed  with  the  idea 
that  the  game  was  still  going  on.  "  I've  got  four 
dollars,  but  1  want  one  for  wiggin.  Shall  1  bet 
the  other  three  I  " 

"  Bet  'em  !  "  howled  Mr.  Spoopendyke,  who, 
like  a  great  many  men,  regarded  the  idea  of  his 
wife  beating  him  at  anything  as  something  intoler- 
ably blasphemous.  4i  Why  don't  ye  bet  >  Bring 
forth  the  speculative  three  dollars  and  hazard  it  on 
the  four  triumphant  aces  !  Wah.-b.-h-h  !  "  and  the 
conclusion  of  Mr.  Spoopendyke's  speech  Hew  out  of 
him  too  fast  for  perfect  enunciation. 

"  I  don't  care,"  murmured  Mrs.  Spoopendyke, 
as  she  wound  the  clock,  and  stood  scratching  her 
nose  with  the  key  ;  "  he  told  me  that  four  aces 
were  were  as  good  as  the  jack-pot,  and  when  I 
opened  it  he  said  I  was  wrong.  Another  timp  I'll 
put  them  in  my  pocket  and  he  can  play  away  at 
that  jack-pot  until  he's  bald  before  I'll  help  him  get 
it  open  !  " 

And  with  this  riotous  determination,  Mrs. 
Spoopendyke  crawled  into  bed  and  dreamed  that 
she  had  got  caught  in  a  jack-pot  with  a  spring  lock 
to  it,  and  couldn't  get  out  because  she  had  left  the 
four  aces  in  the  pocket  of  her  new  plum-colored 
silk. — Brooklyn  Eagle. 


FETING    THE     WRONG     MAN, 


There  were  two  newspaper  proprietors  in  Chicago 
last  Wednesday.  Both  were  from  beyond  the 
Rockies.  .  One  has  made  his  name  notable  wher- 
ever thescissors  and  paste-pot  clips  and  appropriates 
wit  and  wisdom  and  quaint  bits  of  insight  into 
human  nature  for  brightening  up  the  columns  of 
the  daily  press.  The  name  of  the  other  has  never 
been  connected  favorably  with  anything  bringing 
honor  to  the  profession  in  which  he  finds  himself. 
The  name  of  one  is  Bill  Nye,  of  the  Laramie  Boom- 
erang ;  that  of  the  other  Michael  Henri  de  Jonge, 
familiarly  knownasMike  de  Young,  of  the  San  Fran- 
cisco Chronicle.  Nye  has  long  been  known  through- 
out this  country  by  the  character  of  his  work  as  a 
writer  ;  De  Young  has  only  been  known  anywhere 
by  his  want  of  character  as  a  man.  If  one  of  these 
two  men,  traveling  for  private  business  or  personal 
pleasure,  was  worthy  to  receive  social  recognition 
by  the  press,  Mr.  Nye  certainly  was  the  one.  His 
work  has  given  entertainment,  not  unmixed  with 
instruction,  to  thousands  of  his  fellowmen,  and  his 
fellow- writers  of  the  Chicago  press  might  have 
honored  themselves  in  honoring  him.  But  they 
let  him  pass  with  a  brief  notice,  telling  what  hotel 
he  was  stopping  at,  and  entertained  Mike  de  Young 
with  a  lunch  at  the  Chicago  Club.  It  is  said  to 
have  been  an  "  elegant  and  pleasant  affair. "  If  so, 
it  was  the  first  one  that  Mike  ever  attended,  for  in 
San  Francisco,  where  he  is  better  known  than  he  is 
in  Chicago,  it  is  considered  necessary  to  the 
elegance,  respectability  and  reputation  even  of  pub- 
lic balls  to  have  Mike's  name  carefully  excluded 
from  the  invitation  list.  This  rule  of  respectable 
society  has  not  been  altered  since  the  murder  of 
his  brother  elevated  Mike,  without  fitting  him  for 
the  position  of  proprietor  of  a  leading  newspaper. 
He  is  still  ostracised  by  San  Francisco  society, 
where  the  lines  are  not  drawn  very  strictly,  except 
against  very  flagrant  offenders.  The  Herald  has 
little  sympathy  for  Mr.  Medill  and  several  other 
gentlemen  who  were  present  at  the  lunch  to  Mike 
de  Young.  They  knew  his  reputation.  But  it  does 
repudiate  the  idea  of  an  entertainment  in  the  name 
of  the  press  of  Chicago,  at  one  of  Chicago's  leading 
clubs,  of  a  man  whom  not  one  of  those  present 
would  introduce  to  his  own  house  and  hospitality. 
The  Chicago  Club  had  better  amend  its  house  rules 
and  deodorize  its  lunch-room.—  Chicago  Herald, 
April  27th. 

.  ^  i 

A  Troy  minister  announces  that  he  has  "  lost  all 
confidence  in  hell."  After  trying  to  climb  a  barbed 
wire  fence  in  the  dark,  he  arrived  at  the  conclusion 
that  no  such  place  could  amount  to  much.  0,  yes 
it  can.  Hell  has  not  only  a  barbed  wire  fence  but 
a  bull-dog  that  hates  the  clergy. 


ENOCH     ARDEN, 


Whatre    you    don,.,     here         demanded    a 
policeman  of  a  chap  whom  he  had  caught  i 
in  at  the  window  ,,i  a   Purman  street  house  last 

night. 

"  Nothin  ',"  replied  the  man.  jamming  Ins  hands 
in  his  pockets  and  g  i  ing  np  ,1  |  he  iky. 

"  Didn't  1  hear  a  unman  yell  in  that  house  a  few 
minutes  ago         continued  the  policeman. 

"Shouldn't  wonder,"  returned  the  man,  care 
lessly.     •'  In  fact.  1  know  you  did,  for  I  hi  a 
myself. " 

"  What's  going  on  in  there  I  '  queried  the  police- 
man, peeping  in. 

•'  1  guess  he's  licking  my   wife,"  suggested  the 

stranger. 

"Do  you  live  here  !  "  asked   the   policeman  in 

some  astonishment. 

"  I  used  to,  but  I  kinder  fell  out  ,,'  the  habit 
lately,"  was  the  indifferent  response. 

W  hat  kind  of  a  man  are  you  to  stand  out  here 
and  let  another  man  lick  your  wife  I  "  demanded 
the  policeman. 

"  I  think  he  can  do  it  better  tlian  1  can," growled 
the  stranger.  "  I  never  had  any  luck  al  thai  I  in  I 
of  a  job,  and  if  there's  any  one  who  can  make  a 
success  of  it  I'm  not  going  to  interfere  with  his  fun, 
you  bet  I  " 

"  Who  is  the  man  ?    Do  you  know  him  !  " 

"  Never  saw  him  before,"  replied  the  stranger. 
'•  I  guess  they  think  he's  her  husband." 

"  And  it's  your  wife  i  " 

"Sure  !     Only   I've  been  away  a   long    t 

shipwrecked,  you  know— and  I  just  got  home.     I 
saw  'em  at  it,  and  I  thought  1  wouldn't  interfere." 

"  Do  you  want  me  to  arrest  him  !  "  inquired  the 
policeman,  contemplating  the  returned  husband 
with  amazement. 

"Just  as  you  like,"  returned  the  other;  "  only 
don't  mention  my  name  in  the  matter. " 

"  But  don't  you  propose  to  do  anything  about  it .  !  " 

"  Well,  now,  you  just  bet  I  Just  as  soon  as  that 
man  winds  off  that  job  he's  going  to  be  dry,  and  if 
I've  got  a  quarter  anywhere  lie's  goins.'  to  get  a 
drink,  and  don't  you  interfere  ;  now,  you  hear 
me  !  " 

And  the  policeman  strolled  off  down  the  street, 
while  Enoch,  bending  low  his  chin  upon  the  win- 
dow that  contained  Annie,  absorbed  the  scene, 
then  turned  him  round  as  Phillip  came  the  while 
a  little  ahead  of  a  flat-iron  and  took  him  by  the 
arm.  And  so  they  went,  and  Annie  left  alone  wot 
not  that  Enoch  had  been  so  near,  and  had  him 
shekels  in  his  pocket  wherewith  to  assuage  the 
grief  of  Phillip.  — Brooklyn  Eagle. 


Mice  can  live  anywhere  comfortably  except  in  a 
church.  They  fatten  very  slowly  in  a  church. 
This  proves  they  can't  live  on  religion  any  more 
than  a  minister  can. 


THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  ( Ihris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush  -most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen  take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  and  courteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
•SI  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 


That  feeling  of  languor  and  debility  that  follows  phys- 
ical exertion,  removed  by  using  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


GENUINE    LAGER    BIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg  Brewing   Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to   be 
the  nest  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United   States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.    -SOT  Orders  for  B<  it 
tied  Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


FLIES   AND   BUGS. 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."     1  ic. 


'  LydiaE.  Phikhain,  whose  henevolent  face  is  shadowed 
in  almost  every  paper  we  pick  up,  appears  to  have  discov- 
ered what  Addison  calls  "The  grand  elixir  to  support 
the  spirits  of  human  nature."  ft  is  quite  evident  that  she 
has  the  patent  and  has  secured  the  contract  for  making 
over  and  improving  the  invalid  corps  of  American  Wi 
hood. — Globe. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


VARIOUS    IMPERTINENCES, 


The  inhabitants  of  the  Second  Ward  have 
solemnly  protested  to  the  Board  of  Supervisors 
against  the  Black  Maria  carrying  screaming  and 
blasphemous  drunkards  in  the  Home  for  Inebri- 
ates. The  protestants  claim  that  the  morals  of  the 
virtuous  women  and  innocent  children  of  the 
Second  Ward  arebeiog  rapidly  undermined  by  the 
howling  profanity  of  the  unwholesome  load  as  it 
rolls  through  the  streets  or  is  dumped  at  the  portals 
of  the  institution.  All  this  is  very  dreadful,  we 
admit,  but  what  remedy  do  the  chaste  and  pious 
Second  Warders  propose  ?  Would  they  like  to 
have  the  patients  clubbed  or  chloroformed  into 
silence  before  they  set  out  for  the  holy  land  North 
Beachwards  ?  Or  would  it  be  better  to  cure  them 
first  in  some  less  sacred  part  of  town  and  then  send 
them  out  to  the  Home  1  Really  what  with  its 
dumping-places,  monkeys,  villainous  sewerage,  pit- 
falls, precipices,  lead  works,  and  Black  Marias, 
North  Beach  is  a  sorely  afflcted  region,  and  we  can 
only  wonder  that  its  inhabitants  are  so  truly 
good  through  it  all. 

The  time-honored  anecdote  about  a  dog  that  was 
taught  by  its  bootblack  master  to  roll  in  the  mud 
and  then  smirch  the  boots  of  passers-by  has  been 
equalled  if  not  surpassed  right  here  in  California — 
another  tribute  to  our  glorious  climate  !  One  of 
the  belles  of  an  inland  town  has  recently  displayed 
an  absorbing  interest  in  a  new  skating  rink  and 
exerted  herself  industriously  to  induce  her  friends 
and  admirers  to  join  in  the  exhilarating  pastime  of 
skating.  Her  motive  was  explained  when  it  turned 
out  that  her  father  was  a  surgeon,  and  she  was 
actuated  by  a  Christian  desire  to  increase  his  prac- 
tice at  the  expense  of  her  friends'  arms,  limbs,  col- 
lar-boneB,  etc. 

Oh  woman  when  thy  dad  is  poor 
And  thou  hast  lovers  by  the  score, 
Such  fond  and  filial  piety- 
Is  fair  and  beautiful  to  see. 

— Bysshe. 

The  following  remarkable  item  appeared  in  the 
Ch/ronicle  agony  column  of  *'  personals  "  last  Tues- 
day morning  : 

Sir.  and  Mrs.  Neugass,  son  and  daughter,  of  Corvallis, 
Or.,  who  have  been  sojourning  at  the  Palace  Hotel,  have 
taken  up  their  residence  at  1409  Van  Ness  Avenue  ;  the 
many  friends  of  Mr,  Neugass  and  family  will  be  pained 
to  learn  of  his  continued  severe  indisposition,  and  indulge 
the  hope  that  he  will  have  a  speedy  restoration  to  his 
usual  good  health. 

We  suppose  that  ' '  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Neugass,  son 
and  daughter  "  intended  this  interesting  piece  of 
information  to  be  inserted  among  the  society  news 
when  they  sent  it  in  with  a  trifling  doucewr  for  the 
editor,  but  nevertheless  there  it  was  among  the 
paid-for  advertisements,  cheek  by  jowl  with  the 
assignations  and  "situations  wanted."  Let  us 
devoutly  hope  that  this  awful  "  give  away  "  of  the 
Neugass  shoddyism  and  vanity  has  been  carefully 
concealed  from  the  severely  indisposed  head  of  the 
family,  "  and  indulge  the  hope  "  that  he  and  his 
will  soon  return  to  "  Corvallis,  Or.'' 

That  marvellous  column  of  "  original  epigram  " 
in  which  the  editor  of  the  ^Examiner  daily  disem- 
bowels his  intellect  contained  last  Wednesday 
morning  the  following  two  gems  in  the  order  in 
which  we  print  them. 

The  Examiner  has  the  largest  country  circulation  of  any 
journal  in  San  Francisco. 

Still  the  country  is  in  doubt  whether  it  was  really  hot 
brandy  and  water  or  colic. 

We  fancy  that  the  editor  intended  the  second 
"  epigram  "  smartly  to  allude  to  President  Arthur's 
recent  reported  illness,  Still,  the  juxtaposition  of 
the  items  is  suggestive.  For  example,  it  might  be 
inferred  that  tne  Examiner  obtained  its  "  largest 
country  circulation  "  by  representing  itself  to  be 
"  hot  brandy  and  water,"  but  that  the  provincial 
subscribers  are  still  in  doubt  whether  it  isn't  really 
the  other  article. 

Among  the  paintings  at  the  rooms  of  the  Art  As- 
,  sociation  is  one  by  Mr.  Brookes,  representing  the 
artist's  own  left  hand.  In  making  this  picture  Mr. 
Brookes  evidently  obeyed  the  scriptural  induction 
and  did  not  let  his  left  hand  know  what  his  right 
hand  was  doing.  If  it  had  known,  it  would  have 
"  kicked." 

Salmi  Morse  has  written  a  new  play  which  in  its 
very  title  betrays  the  darkest  ignorance  of  femi- 
nine apparel  :  A  Busttz  Among  the  Petticoats  ! 
Why,  of  course  it's  among  the  petticoats.  Has  he 
an  idea  that  any  well  regulated  girl  would  wear 
her  bustle  on  her  head  ?  Go  to,  Salmi  ;  such  a 
lack  of  information  is  deplorable. 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS, 


Our  scribes  are  industriously  gathering  artificial  flowers 
of  rhetoric  and  binding  them  into  bouquets  to  throw  at  the 
Great  Californian  Discovery.  If  it  be  considered  that 
Helena  Modjeska  had  a  national  reputation  as  a  great  ac- 
tress before  she  became  the  Countess  Bozenta,  and  long 
before  Monsieur  le  Comte  had  to  emigrate  and  bring  her 
to  America,  and  that  her  retirement  from  the  stage  was  a 
source  of  regret  to  all  who  had  known  her  in  that  sphere, 
it  would  seem  as  if  all  the  local  bosh  about  having  discov- 
ered, invented  and  patented,  as  it  were,  the  great  genius 
who  now  thrills  her  audiences  is  not  merely  a  trifle  silly, 
but  is  deeply  tinged  with  arrogance,  besides.  It  is  true 
that  it  so  happened  that  Monsieur  le  Comte  gave  his  re- 
luctant consent  here  in  California,  that  Helena  Modjeska 
reenter  her  profession.  It  also  happens  to  be  true  that 
that  lady  essayed  her  first  appearance  in  English  upon  our 
stage.  Has  it  not  occurred  to  any  one  of  the  many  pre- 
scient smarties  who  lay  claim  to  her  "  discovery"  that 
her  det>ut  in  this  town  was  made  then  because  failure  here 
meant  nothing  and  success  might  be  of  advantage  else- 
where, and  that  it  was  not  even  remotely  considered  that 
her  first  appearance  before  our  august  tribunal  was  to  be 
the  touch-stone  of  her  fame  ?  Why  will  our  chorus  of 
critics  sing  but  the  one  tune  of  "  I  told  you  so  "  ?  Is  it 
to  prove  their  judgment  right  for  once  ?  Is  it  one  of  those 
rare  occasions  when  one  of  their  many  guesses  has  not 
proved  to  be  absurd  ?  Are  they  really  so  indelicate  and 
coarse  fibered  as  to  think  it  proper  to  keep  on  dinning 
thus  into  the  lady's  ear  that  it  was  first  their  praise  and 
not  her  ability  which  won  for  her  the  exalted  position 
which  she  now  occupies  ?  Did  the  hundreds  of  thousands 
who  approved  and  applauded  her  acting  think  of  San 
Francisco  when  they  did  so  ?  Did  it  really  require  the 
report  of  our  daily  press  to  rouse  their  enthusiasm,  or  was 
it  not  the  genius  of  a  great  artist  that  touched  their 
hearts  ?  Much  as  it  may  hurt  us  to  put  aside  our  pro- 
vincial pride,  it  is  time  to  judge  Mme.  Modjeska  from  a 
little  higher  plane  than  that  of  "A  Great  Californian  Dis- 
covery." The  patronizing  pat  of  a  score  of  so-called,  but 
unanimous,  critics— every  one  of  whom  claims  a  proprie- 
tary title  to  a  discovery  which  he  did  not  make,  may  pos- 
sibly be  a  little  unpleasant  to  the  party  discovered. 

Last  Monday  evening,  at  the  Baldwin  Theater,  Mme. 
Modjeska  was  cordially  received  by  an  audience  such  as 
rarely  assembles  upon  a  first  night.  The  unusually  large 
proportion  of  ladies  made  a  real  full-toned  demonstration 
impossible.  All  the  applause  was  in  a  minor  key.  But 
there  was  an  intense  interest  manifested  which  went  be- 
yond the  expression  by  mere  noise.  Her  rich,  sympa- 
thetic voice,  the  liquid  fire  of  her  eyes,  her  beautifully 
natural  grace  wove  their  spell  until  all  seemed  rapt  and 
hushed  with  the  enjoyment  of  her  art.  An  extraordinary 
aptitude  for  simulation,  supplemented  by  a  rare  intelli- 
gence such  as  she  possesses,  would  win  recognition  malgre 
the  critics.  A  woman  who  can  charm  women  is  a  great 
actress,  and  Modjeska  is  such  a  one.  Every  phase  of  the 
conception  of  her  part  shows  ripe,  scholarly  judgment  and 
true  womanly  feeling.  Her  "Adrienne"  is  full  of  the 
fine  touches  of  exquisite  acting  ;  her  expression  of  deep 
emotion  is  refined  and  full  of  subtle  insinuation.  The 
support  is  fairly  acceptable  but  scarcely  remarkable.  Mr. 
Barrymore  is  a  manly  "Maurice."  Mr.  Owens'  "Mich- 
onnet "  is  a  very  good  performance,  but  not  startlingly 
ahead  of  previous  casts.  Miss  Drew's  courtly  manner 
and  grand-dame  finesse  lack  spontaneity.  Mr.  Dawson 
cannot  be  called  bad  and  Mr.  Clements  cannot  be  called 
good  in  their  respective  parts.  But  take  it  all  in  all  we 
have  much  cause  to  be  thankful  that  we  have  at  last  a 
company  of  good  people  who  will  give  us  a  taste  of  the 
legitimate  in  a  conscientious  manner. 

At  the  Minstrels,  fun  is  highly  appreciated  by  both  the 
performers  and  the  audience  ;  there  exists  such  a 
perfect  entente  cordiah  that  no  counter  attraction  can  be 
found  strong  enough  to  estrange  them  but  for  a  single 
night. 

At  the  Tivoli  the  Merrii  Wires  is  the  attraction  and 
draw  good  audiences. 

The  Thomas  Orchestra  Season  promises  very  well ;  the 
recent  success  in  the  Eastern  cities  being  an  additional 
stimulant  to  local  interest. 

The  Bush  Street  attracts  considerable  attention  with 
Friend  and  Foe,  which  gives  Scanlan  a  good  opportunity 
to  be  sentimental  and  heroic,  lyric  and  humorous  by 
turns.  It  is  full  of  startling  revelations,  such  as  "There 
are  no  cowards  where  the  shamrock  grows,"  or  something 
equally  plausible    and  pathetic.     Mr.  Scanlan   and  his 


show  will  step  out  to  give  the  Wyndham  Comedy  Com- 
pany a  chance. 

At  the  California  Theater  opera  bouffe  is  about  to  be 
supplanted  by  Lawrence  Barrett. 

On  Thursday,  May  24th,  Mr.  Benj.  Clark  will  give  a 
concert  at  Piatt's  Hall,  at  which  Mrs.  J.  E.  Tippett,  Mrs. 
Arthur  Noble  {nee  Garnett),  Mrs.  Carmichael-Carr  and  a 
number  of  our  best  musicians  will  assist.  This  will  be 
the  last  opportunity,  at  least  for  a  long  time,  to  hear  Mr. 
Clark  in  public. 


New  Life 

is  given  by  using  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.  In  the 
Winter  it  strengthens  and 
warms  the  system;  in  the 
Spring  it  enriches  the  blood 
and  conquers  disease;  in  the 
Summer  it  gives  tone  to  the 
nerves  and  digestive  organs ; 
in  the  Fall  it  enables  the 
system  to  stand  the  shock 
of  sudden  changes. 

In  no  way  can  disease  be 
so  surely  prevented  as  by 
keeping  the  system  in  per- 
fect condition.  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  ensures  per- 
fect health  through  the 
changing  seasons,  it  disarms 
the  danger  from  impure 
water  and  miasmatic  air, 
and  it  prevents  Consump- 
tion, Kidney  and  Liver  Dis- 
ease, &c. 

H.  S.  Berlin,  Esq.,  of  the 
well-known  firm  of  H.  S. 
Berlin  &  Co.,  Attorneys,  Le 
Droit  Building,  Washing- 
ton, D.  C,  writes,  Dec.  5th, 
1 881: 

Gentlemen  :  I  take  pleas- 
ure in  stating  that  I  have  used 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters  for  ma- 
laria and  nervous  troubles, 
caused  by  overwork,  with 
excellent  results. 

Beware  of  imitations. 
Ask  for  Brown's  Iron  Bit- 
ters, and  insist  or  having 
it.  Don't  be  imposed  on 
with  something  recom- 
mended as  "just  as  good." 
The  genuine  is  made  only 
by  the  Brown  Chemical  Co. 
Baltimore,  Md. 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

la  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  the  evil  eSecta  ol 
youth  Tul  follies  and  excuses. 

DR.  niMIB,  who  is  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  the  Universltv  or  Pennsylvania, 
will  apree  to  forfeit  r  he  Hundred  Dollar*  for 
acaseofthekind  tne  VITAL  RE8TOHATIYB 
(under  his  special  advice  and  treatme  ■•■>  will 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  tunee  the 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  court- 
DKKTTAELY,  by  A.  E.  MIXTIE.  M.  D-,  No.  il 
Kearur  Street.  S.  F.    Send  fir  pamphlet, 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  FltEE  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms. 


lf>E   +*-■   <COfl  Per  ^ay  at  home. 
JDO    v\J   Q>ZU  Address  Stixsox  &  Co. 


Samples  worth  $5  free, 
Portland,  Maine. 


AGENTS 


can  now  grasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  $■»©  free  Address  E.  0. 
EIDEOUT  4; CO.,  lOBarclarSt.,  N.7. 


J 


THE    WASP. 


i>; 


A     DETERMINED      WOMAM. 


A    conductor  on  a    Missouri,    Kansas    &    Te\;t* 
train  approached  a   swell   lookiny  colored 
arrayed  in  all  che  glories  that  ribbons  can  lend,  ami 
asked  her  for  her  ticket. 

"  Go  way  fum  y'ah  !  Don'  bodderme  with  none 
yo' foolishness  !  "  she  exclaimed,  bridling  with  in- 
dignation. 

"  Come,  give  up  your  ticket  !"  remonstrated  the 
conductor. 

"  I  tole  yo'  go"  way  fum  y'ah  !  J  done  «ot  no 
ticket,  an    I  don1  want  no  foolishness  !  ' 

11  1 1  you  don't  give  me  a  ticket  or  pay  your  faro, 
I'll  put  you  oft' the  train  !  "  growled  the  exasper- 
ated functionary. 

"  Yo'  don'  put  nie  oft"  no  train,  now,  I  tole  yo' 
fer  suah  !  "  retorted  the  darkey.  "  Ise  gos  biziness 
down  yere  dat  you  can't  postpone.  Ef  you  put  me 
oil'  de  train,  yo'  done  got  in  a  fuss,  suah'syo' bo'n  !  " 

"  Where  are  you  going  anyway  I  What's  your 
business  1  "  demandud  tlie  conductor,  rather  im- 
pressed by  her  manner. 

"  Ise  gwine  to  de  liangin'  apiece  down  yere,  and 
iiin'n  dat,  Ise  gwine,  an  yo  can't  stop  me  !  ' 

"  Who'tfe  they  going  to  hang  ?  "  asked 'a  passen- 
ger, who  had  become  interested  in  the  discussion. 

"  Dey's  gwine  fer  ter  hang  my  husband,  and  Ise 
ter  be  de  only  lady  present  !  (!o  way  fum  y'ah  ! 
Don'^fool  with  me  !  Ef  yo  t'ink  yo's  gwine  ter 
git  me  off  dis  train  an'  beat  me  out'n  de  last  chance 
o'  layin'  over  that  nigga's  mudder  and  sister,  who 
can't  get  in  and  won't  stay  out,  yo'  don't  know 
nothin'  about  de  strength  of  a  wife's  devotion  !  Go 
way  fum  yah  !  Rudder  dan  lose  de  chance  of 
breakin'  dem  nigga's  hearts,  I  done  put  dis  heel 
under  yo' railroad  an'  lift  it  over  de  state  line  ! 
( fo  way  fum  y'ah  ! 

The  conductor  let  her  ride  free,  but  whether  to 
nave  the  railroad  or  let  her  have  her  last  opportunity 
to  getsuuare  with  her  mother-in-law  was  not  appar- 
ent on  his  returns. — Drake's  Magazine. 


H "        CELEBRATED        M«\ 


fr^^  STOMACH  —  ^ 

bitteRS 


I 
b  in  which  thi 
Ling  invigorant  and  anti  Feb 
tiohie  baa  failed   to 
ward  "if  the  complaint,  when 
taken  duly  a 

'    malaria     Hundred! 

<>f  physician*  tutvcalnnnloned 

all  t  b<  ufficinal  specifii 
now  prescribe  tliih  harmlefli 
■  getable  tonic  f->r  chins  and 
fever,  as  well  as  <\\  Bpt  p  (a 
and  nervouf  aflectionn,  Sos 
tetter's  Bitters  it*  the  i"  ifi< 
yon  need. 

For  sale  by  all  DrogyJMt* 
and  Dealer*  generally. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and  I  I 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  In  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 
If  you  are  suffering  " 
■  malaria,  have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  rolieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the   Spring  toclcanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  tako  a  thorough  course  of  It. 
U-    SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS.    Price  SI. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


$66 


in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  §5  outfit  free, 
dress  H.  Haw-kt  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP" 


again  supplied  with  Covers. 


file,  can  now  be 
Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


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jj(!  Latest  Style,  No.  1526. 


Dimensions— Height,  74  ins,.    Depth,  2C  ins,, 
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24    STOX>S.-   "    ' 


ii in  rone:    sj. 

f*-This  Organ  is  a  triumpli 
TTFI'LIN  AITE.VKANCE,  1SLP 
nut,  profusely  ornamented  wjl 
The  Pipe-Top  is  of  the  most  l.eiiutiful  de-igi 
in  tlif  millionnire's  purlor,  ami  v.  on  hi  oriuir 

FIVE  fiUBITS  JEt-T-ITilP 
pen ranee.  It  will  not  take  tin*  'lirl  i.rdu-t. 
i.ESTESTOP,  the  famous  French  II.tii  Sol. 
Right  and  Left  Km  e  Stops.  i<-  <■<  ntrol  the  i  i 
;kiv.  Five  i.'om  t  •>[  '■'  "I.i » I  ■■  'i<  ''■'■'  E  l;l 
Suli-Hnss  Kc.i-;  ■  (  "I  '  "  i. iv  "I  V'i|X  (■!■ 
HEEDS,  and  i  hi  Octave-  .■  .<  Ii  ..i  ivirnl.ir  (,( 
(.11  this,  it  is  fitted  up  with  un  m  TA\  E  cur 
the  instrument,  Lamp  Stands  Pa  ket  for  ft 
dlsu  Sounding  Boards.  A:..*.  It  Ii  i-  ,•  Mi. In. 
JliUHlles  for  moving.  The  Bellow*,  uhlchai 
from  the  best  quality  of  rubber  clotl] 


with  steel  springs  and  the  host  quality  of  peiliil  strap,,.     Jm  * cuum. 

being  covered  with  carpet,  are  polished  metal  of  mat  design, und  never  get 


SPECIAL  TEN-DAY  OFFER  TO  READERS  OF 


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ii  ft.  tone; 6.  Saxa- 

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Clique;   82.  Orches- 
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I'  IS  VKllYBEAU- 
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>f   I  will  box  midship  vou  this  urgun,  with  Organ   Bench,    Hook,  etc, 

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I,!    jii.r.-ln  iU-'reet'iMiceept  this  Coupon  for  $45.3 1> 

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Hint  day, which  wTTi 
enl  [ntroducedwith- 

sSiB  F.  BEATTY,  WaslWtoii,  New  Jersey 


14 


THE     WASP. 


An  indignant  woman  came  to  a  prominent  Austin 
physician  and  asked  for  a  remedy  for  her  husband's 
rheumatism.  The  doctor  gave  her  a  prescription, 
and  told  her  : 

"  Get  that  prepared  at  the  drug-store,  and  rub 
it  well  over  your  husband's  back.  If  it  does  any 
good,  come  and  let  me  know.  I've  got  a  touch  of 
rheumatism  myself. " 

She  was  not  an  indignant  woman  when  she  came, 
but  was  an  indignant  woman  when  she  left. — 
Texas  Siftings. 


The  Marquis  of  Queenabury,  brother  of  Lady 
Florence  Dixie,  has  said  that  the  story  of  the  as- 
sault upon  that  lady  is  strictly  true.  As  Mr. 
Queensbury  is  the  man  who  has  had  so  many  rules 
for  pugilists  named  after  him,  it  is  not  probable  that 
his  word  will  be  openly  doubted  in  the  matter. — 
Perk's  Swi. 

A  little  boy  who  sat  beside  a  man  who  had  been 
eating  limburger  cheese  turned  to  his  mother  and 
exclaimed  :  ' '  Mamma,  how  I  wish  I  was  deaf  and 
dumb  in  my  nose  !  " 


*„*  "  What  is  bred  in  the  bone,  will  never  out  of  the 
flesh."  But  rheumatism,  piles,  malaria,  constipation  and 
all  other  confluents  from  derangements  of  the  functions  of 
the  liver,  kidneys  and  bowels  will  "  out  of  the  flesh," 
without  fail  after  the  thorough  use  of  Kidney- Wort,  the 
cure  for  all  such  diseases. 

WELLS'   "BOUGH  ON  CORNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "  Rough  on  Corns."  15c.  Quick;  com- 
plete ;  permanent  cure.     Corns,  warts,  bunions. 

Nerves,  brain,  and'muscles  gain  strength  and  the  power 
of  endurance  by  using  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


4S*  Every  color  of  the  Diamond  Dyes  is  perfect.  See 
the  samples  of  the  colored  cloth  at  the  druggists.  Un- 
equalled for  brilliancy. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

n  Too  f  hilatielPhia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

DENTISTRY. 
C.  ().  Dean.  D.D.S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

_  Steamer  of  thisCoinpanvwillsiuyromBroadway 
j Wharf,  San  Francisco,  for  ports  in  California,  Ore- 
,  gon,  Washington  and  Idaho  Territories,  British 
»  Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 

7A€EAllro7"iV^lr",<T"  Coast  K»«<e.-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  ANCON  sail  every  five  days  at  9  a.  m.  for  San  LuiB 

?^  o£?AV  10t^'  2utl\?»d  30th  of  each  month.  ANCON,  5th,  16th 
and  25th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  ANGELES  ills  every 
Wednesday  at.  8  am.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey,  San  Simeon.  Cay- 
neos,  San  Luis  Obispo.  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buena- 

\  < '( i  i  111'::. 

riffiS?"!  <JS,n,u,V,a[.  an<l  A,««ha  Rome.  -  Steamship 
IS^Si  fHPIK  ?'  S-  MaUs'  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend  \V  T  Vic- 
A°S„  NanJ.im».  B.  C,  Fort  Wrangel,  Sitka  and  Harrisbure, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Pugct 
sam    "    tl ler  ,eavinS  San  Francisco  on  the  last  Friday  of  the 

Fi'rlSn°r,|!  JJi,,i?J!^,,r0*  s»«l"«>  Koule.-The  SteamersGEO.  W 
ELDEK  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Brittanic  Majesty's  and  United 
=tates  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at 
~„i  SuJ£"2g  Fri"j;J>,  tor  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port  Towns- 
end, Seattle.  Tacoma,  Steilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  close 
£?•„»"  -"th  ^ea™b0!"'.  e'c.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Caspar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
"■  m.,  every  Friday,  and  Victoria  (Esiniimault)  at  11  a  m 
every  AauirUii.v. 

Hiolc-Onr  Steamer  VICTORIA  sails  for  New  Westminster  and 
Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as  per  advertisements  in  the  San 
h  rancisco  Ai.ta  or  Gpidk. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Koule.-The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
™?i7ru^r:ar4'^<S5'narro,,e  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
I IK  PA<  I HC  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States   Mail  and  Wells,  Far»o  &  Co', 

SV,T; ,  s:!ii.ll,s,<,nj'B  M;,v ''IJ'  <*»■  '■'"'■  ''-»''•  i"'tb.  istii,  aist, 

A.V,V"  M  "0"11"J'VM')'  following  third  .laj  for  Portland  and 
Astoria,  Oregon. 

fiTSE!?!?  a!Ul,  loMnOlltt  Bay  Ronlc-Steamer  CITY  OF 
,n  ,i  i',  rf  f  'r0m  ?a"  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  everj'  Wednesday  at  9  A.  ». 

v&mSiai"?*.  a,"l  M"'<l»clll»  Ronle.-Steamer  CON- 
S1AN11NE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco  at  3  r  M 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cnffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street, 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


-Or.'.-'r^— ■■■-----* 


Are 


East  ? 


You   Going 
IIF1    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

To  pass  through  the  old  Historical,  most  densely  popu- 
lated, richest  and  best  portions  of  the  country  lying  be- 
tween the  PACIFIC  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  which  is  sparsely  settled,  desolate  and 
uninteresting.  Hence,  when  purchasing  your  ticket,  be 
particular  to  see  that  it  reads  by  way  of  the  Grand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


This  line  has  always  stood  in  the  first  rank  with  Cali- 
fornians  and  has  carried  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent. 

IF  YOU  SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Central  Pacific  R.  R.,from  San  Francisco  to 
OGDEN,  and  the  Denver  &  Rio  Grande  R.  R.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot  at  Denver  with  the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
'  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  either  via  Kansas  City  or 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  first- 
class  style.  If  you  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  is 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific  R.  R's,  from 
San  Francisco  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  with  the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.  If  you  select  the  Southern  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific  and  Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  and  Union 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,  CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &  QUINCY 
Short  Line  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  at  KANSAS 
CITY,  and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arrival  at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the  Eastern  Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to  passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Harper's  Ferry,  famous  Horse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  of  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all  that  is  most  gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's  end,  besides  being  assured  of  all  that  is 
luxurious  in  traveling  across  the  continent  from  the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  BOSTON. 

All  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this  line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quincy  R.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Rail- 
road in  the  world  for  all  classes  of  travel. 


Important    to    Tourists    and    Visitors. 

Muke  mi  mistake.  Sec  HIE.  llcUAY,  at  his  new 
office,  :w  Montgomery  Street,  before  making  arrange* 
iiicdIk  Tor  your  trip  across  the  eonlinent. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Oar  Accommodations, 
Checking  your  Baggage,  and  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without  charge. 

Special  attention  shown  to  Australian,  fc'ew  Zea- 
land, China  and  Japan  Passengers. 

T.  D.  McKAY, 

General  Railway  and  Steamship  Passeuger  Agenl. 

32     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUSTAVE  FKOHMAN Lessee 

Monday,  May  7,  '83. 

MODJESKA 

—     IN     — 

ADRIENNE  LECOUVREUR. 

—      ASSISTED  BY      — 

MR.  H.  BARRYMORE   and  the  same  powerful  Com- 
pany that  supported  her  in  the  East. 


IN  ACTIVE    PREPARATION: 

Frou-Fron 

—     AND     - 

-A.s  Ycra  Like   It. 


Emerson?s  Standard  Theater. 

Wm.   Emerson, Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

Ill  Itl       EVENING       AM>       SATURDAY      MATINEE. 

EMERSON'S     MINSTRELS. 
Our      Star      Company 

-     IN     A     — 

GREAT     PROGRAMME . 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Balcony .50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve.     Telephone,  5094. 

Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbklinq  Bros Proprietors  and  Managers 

Second  week  and  great  success  of  Nicolai's  Comic 
Fantastic  Opera,  in  three  acts, 

MERRY     WIVES     OF     WINDSOR; 

Or,   FALSTAFF. 

&3T  First  English  production. 

Citizens-  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragut  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  "  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,      -      —      -      "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  218  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRANCI800,   OAL. 

ARTISTIC     PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain    and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGH  ES, 

51 1     MiiiiMOiiie     St  reel Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

PATENTSo^flo^. 

Also  Trade  Marks,  etc.  Send  model  and  sketch,  will 
examine  and  report  if  pjitenhible.  Manv  wars  prac- 
tice. Pamphlet  tree,  E.  H.  GELKTOX  A  t'On 
Attorneys,  Washington,  I).  C. 


THE    WASP. 


15 


AMUSEMENTS. 


THE       SCENIC 


N  E 


Grand  Musical  Festival 

I  Ni'EK  THE  DIRECTION  OF  — 

THEODORE  THOMAS, 

—    TO     BE     HELH     AT    THE  — 

Mechau  ics'    Pavi  lion 

-  OS    THE    EVENINGS    OP   — 

June  7th,  8th,  9th,  Nth  &  12th, 

—  AND    AFTERNOONS   OP      - 

June    llth    and    13th. 

The  spacious  Pavilion  building  is  being  specially  remod- 
eled for  this  festival— its  dimensions  and  proportions  be- 
ing made  to  assimilate  closely  to  those  of  the  great  Music 
Hall  of  Cincinnati.  A  mammoth  stage  with  reverbera- 
ting sounding-board  has  been  designed  on  scientific  acous- 
tic principles,  and  a  large  number  of  elegant  and  commo- 
dious private  boxes  fitted  up  on  the  main  floor  and  balcony 
circle,  while  the  amphitheater  arrangement  of  the  general 
auditorium  will  render  the  seating  capacity  of  this  vast 
hall  as  nearly  perfect  as  possible. 

Seven   Monster  Programmes. 

Which  will  include  the  widest  possible  range  of  compo- 
sitions in  the  classical,  operatic  and  popular  styles,  to- 
gether with  selections  from  the  celebrated  oratorios,  and 
a  brilliant  repertoire  of  solo  performances. 

One  programme  will  be  devoted  exclusively  to  the  com- 
positions of  Wagner  ;  another  to  these  of  Beethoven, 
and,  at  the  others,  selections  from  the  works  of  Schubert, 
Liszt,  Chopin,  Gluck,  Mozart,  Mendelssohn,  Saint 
Saens,  Berlioz,  Schumann,  Brahms,  Strauss,  etc.,  etc., 
will  be  interpreted  in  a  manner  possible  only  to  be  accom- 
plished by  artists  of  the  highest  rank. 

The  grand  FESTIVAL  CHORUS  of  .500  voices,  which 
has  been  organized  and  thoroughly  rehearsed  under  the 
direction  of  Mr.  David  W.  Lorjng,  will  embrace  many 
prominent  vocalists  of  San  Francisco,  Oakland  and  Sac- 
ramento.        The 

Theodore    Thomas'    Grand     Orchestra 

Will  consist  of  SIXTY  INSTRUMENTALISTS  select- 
ed by  Mr.  Thomas  especially  for  this  Festival  from  the 
New  York  .Philharmonic  Society,  and  will  appear  in 
every  concert  in  conjunction  with  the  following  soloists  : 

MISS  EMMA    THUUSBY, Soprano 

MRS.    E.    HUMPHREY- ALLEN Soprano 

MRS.   ANNIE  HARTDEGIN, Soprano 

MRS.   BELLE  COLE, Contralto 

MR.   FRED.    HARVEY, Tenor 

MR.   FRANZ  REMMERTZ, Basso 

—   AND    — 

MADAME  JULIE  RIVE-KING, Solo  Pianist 

PRICES: 

SINGLE  SEASON  TICKET  (reserved), §12  50 

DOUBLE  SEASON  TICKET  (reserved), 825  00 

PRIVATE  BOXES  (seating  six)  for  season,  . . .  .$100  00 
PRIVATE  BOXES  (seating  eight)  for  season, .  .8130  00 

SST  Subscriptions  received  at  music  stores  of  M.  Gray, 
Kohler  &  Chase  and  Sheoman  &  Clay ;  also,  at  the 
"  White  House."  Diagrams  for  choice  season  seats 
open  at  above  places  on 

Monday,     May    2ist, 

At  9  o'clock  A.  M. 

RESERVED  SEATS  (single  concerts), . . .  .§1,  82  and  S3 
(according  to  location), 

AST  Sale  of  reserved  seats  for  single  concerts  begins 

Monday,  May  28th, 

At  9  A.  M.  Orders  by  mail,  telegraph  or  telephone^  to 
any  of  the  above-mentioned  ticket  offices  will  receive 
prompt  and  careful  attention. 


SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Onklund.     iUmi  il.i.     Newark,    San     Jmc,    I  ■•-    i.ai..«, 
«. ir im ,,...!.  1  .iiun.   Big    ir...  and  Santa  t'rm. 

"piCTURF.SQl.-fc:  SCF.NKKY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS.  BIG  Ti;Kr>, 
•*•  Santa  Clara  Valley,  Monterey  K*y.  fc'ortv  nii!e>  shorter  to 
SANTA  CBUZ  than  any  other  route.  No  change  of  car*  ;  no  dust. 
Equipment  and  road  bed  first-daw.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  80CTU  81DK,  at 

8,Qfl  A  M.,  daily,  Weet  San  Lorenzo,  West  San  Lcandro,  Rus- 
■  OU  sella.  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado,  Halls,  Newark.  Onterville, 
Mowrys,  Alviao,  A^ewB,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gatos, 
Alma,  Wright*,  Highland,  Gknwood,  Ek>ui;h.  >rt>-8,  r'tlttm  Big  Trees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  M.       Parlor  cai 

2 ,Qn  P  -M  iSundays  excepted),  Express:  Mt.  Eden,  AUirado. 
■  OU  N-^ark,  Centerville,  Alviso.  Agntws,  Santa  Clara,  SAN 
JOSE,  Los  Gatos  and  even station  to  BAJfTA  <  KIZ,  arriving 
6:15  P.  M.     Parlor  car. 

4»Qn  P-  M-  (Sundavs  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE,  Lo*  Gatoa  Bad 
■OU  intermediate  stations.  Stages  connect  vsith  roSUKESs 
SPKINGS  at  Los  Gatoe.  Through  lar.j.  *-2  :■».  Round  trip.  $4  »?.. 
f)U  Sundays,  A  Speelal  Passenger  Train  Leaves  San  Jose 
Ull       at  0:25  P.  If.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  v.30. 

qjr  EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  and  s*-*.5o  TO  SAN 
\ff\)  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

£0  Excursion**  to  BIG  TREES  and  SANTA  CRUZ,  BVBR1 
fQ      Sunday,  S:30  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    AJLAMEDA. 

96:30— 7:30— S:30— 9 :3«— 10:30— 11 :30  A.  M.    *|12:30—  1 :30— 2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—650—7:30—10^0  and  11:30  P.  M. 
From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 

—§6:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52— 10:52— «Jll:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
-3:52— 1:52— 5:52-3:52—10:20  P.  M.     Sundays  onlv,  7:52  P.  M. 

From  IHeh  street,  Alameda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45— S:35— 9:35 
—10:35— mil:35  A.  M.  1255— 1:35—2:35— 355— 4:35—  5:35— 6:35 
—10*5  P.  M.     Sunday?  only,  7:52  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     U  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.    Trv  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  223  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland  ;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

April  22d.         Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

AMD  

Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH    TIIK1K    L*N10UE    AN1  RIVBB 

and  Ball    Tr.,: 
Kortbwi  -'    Lii.i  [■  :  ■ 
I  |.  Hi.  »  ulumliln     i 

■ 

I'll  tbe  rend  .lOr.MI.     Division— To  Aini 

-)K>kane  KalUt,  Lakr    Pel  wd  all  point*  in 

Northern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

Ip  the    Willamette   »all»>     T.     ■  "'  .  ""* 

the  beautiful  countrj  ofSouthi  irn  '  iregon  . 

Down  the  Columbia  -Through  n-  ieVccne* 

r;  t"  Artoria  and  Intermi-dinU'  Point*. 

<l*er   to  Paget  Hound    To Tocom  !>     '    n 

Town*tTid,    Victoria   rin<l    I 

d  eh  inning  iri^jn-etK. 


DR.THOMAS  HALL'S 


Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY    PURE 

A  delightful  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  mediecl  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  fw 
absolute  puritv,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

aSTFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES'  drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


4»  B  ■»■»#%  .NewStyles:  Gold  Beveled  JMffe and 
f1  A  UIIV  Chroma  Visit  ing  Cards  finest  quality* 
UHnilUJ'rr^f  variety  and  lowest  prices,  fiO 
r^ mm  rh-rrrr„n*  u-uh  name,  10c,  a  present 

«?i^«rfiffrder.(JLu.-ioKlJE03.*Co.,CllntonvlUe,Coriii. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dully  Stasei  connect  with  trains  on  Clark's  .Fork  Dhririon, 

direct  for  Mlo«onlu  and  .ill  ut.-iirhl>oririg  j>oinN. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Supt  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Citron 
Sau  F'MUii*<'i>  office     .'II  Montgomery  St. 

1863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St..  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  KETAEL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective  visioD 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free  of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

iyAT  TWO  HOUBS'  NOTICE.  Ji 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AGENT8    FOE.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

8.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Seed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


A  FOUNDLING 


"OUR  LITTLE  BEAU^S^RrAaRn^prr?fd--- 


Pure,  Mild,:       .__  ALLEX  &  GLVTER. 
Fragrant  and  Sweet.       „11Iluftlrlllrw. 


IM<  Inn t.       In 


ICOLL Igi  fglAILOR 


POPULAR     PRICES! 


LARGE 


CHOICE  WOOLEN 


'  POPULAR    STYLES  ! 

IV  en's    Furnishing     Goods. 


POPULAR    TAILOR! 

Men's  and  Boys" 
JL  ReatlyMade   Cbthing.  And  Fancy  Neckwea 

ith  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.         816  &  SIS  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


I 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


a  Tartar  and  Bi-Cart  Soila 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Mm  Bros.  2  Co. 

ISAM  FRANCISCO 


AN 
Mtraordmary 


Razor 


3'l  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
VN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
IKJHIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVEK  TO  RE- 
P,  CIRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  Betting.  It 
Winer  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
gMt  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
IBIff  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
(M<'  wh°  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Nrcjolhra  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
iveiRazor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
Rffl  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
■1  |iy  Btrcet,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
w  StedStates  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
pPl»d ;  sent  by  mail  10c,  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 
T-(  Qnccn's  Own  Company  having  en- 
JJ?,their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
W  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
jSfS,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
r ? ,l?e  ^"^'ity  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 

futlCHEFTp 

WT  Kid  Gloves  -*- 

*MAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

ACTORY,    119    DUPONT  STREET, 
fctearyand  Post San  Francisco 


DtiANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO 


J  ».    SPREOKELS    &    BBO'S, 
32}    Market    Street, 

OWNERS  OF 

eckels'Line   of   Packets. 

ckagcs  and  Freight  to  Honolnln. 


L/UKtb  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold.,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs,  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

I.EPUT.    m    >luvrt;oMi;nv    STKI.ET.  Kor  »„lc  I.,  all  Dm; 


W*arAsK    For  n 

ILLOWS    Dl 


Ebb. 


For 

WS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  I9th  Sts. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

8CCCBS80R  TO 

51  A  S  S  E  Y     Si     YUNG, 
No.   B51    S  VI  It  till  \  in    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Sax  Francisco. 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Dewecse,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 

C.  II.    Moore, 

0  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &,  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

H.  IE.  I'm  i,i. 

Sao  Fraocisco. 


Prentiss  Selbt,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Undkriiill,  Jr.,  Sec'y 


Seltoy    Smelting:    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS  OF  

Lead  Pipe,  §  leet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  PIk  Lead,  Solder,  Ant  1- Friction  Metal,  Lead 
Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tia,  Pipe,  Bine  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -      -      -      -      saa    Francisco 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK    YOUR    GROCER    FOR    THE 

ITTTHITE     ROSE    FLC 


MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

SST  Sec  local  notice  in  another  column, 


S2-OT^r>       KENTUCKY        VTHISKEY.  "BI 


IMIVIOIVD'S 


NABOB 


THE  BEST  \ 

In  the  World.       "^-4/ 

ask  your. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


KOHLER  A  CII.tSE,  137  to  139  Pont  St., 

Sole  Agents  (or  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiaao 

Also  for  the 
FISCHEB  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 

Houfc  on  the  Coast, 

H.  R.  Williar,  Jr.  A.  Carlisle. 

A.    CARLISLE   &  CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALU-OBNlA    STREET, 

San    Francisco 

H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco, 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Capital  Paid  Up 

Kescrvc  I'.  S.  Bond* 


$3,000,000 
•      4,!>00,000 


Agency  at  New  York  62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  hag  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE  AGENTS  FOR 

"COLD  DUST"    WHISKEY 

413    tiny    Slrcol, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Cbiclrerlog  &  Sons, Boston ;  Blnthner, Leipzig; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  Q.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St. 

NEAR  MARKET.  8aN  FRANCISCO. 
J.  J.  Palmbr.  Valentine  Rbv. 

PALMER  &  KEY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lit  hographlng 

PEBSSES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,  to  "J  A  407  SansonieSt.  H.  F 

We  have  oti  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


nsr-DEPOT,  429  and  431  BATTERY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO.-^ 


CRAIG     &        KREMPLE 

6U00ES8OB8     TO 

Craig    and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAK  E  RS 

And    EMBALIHEKS, 
22  &  26  MINTAVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 

All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  3047. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


^"HARDWOOD   LUMBER 


John    Wigmore,      *2E2S 

>  189  Llo    1 17    SPEAB    STREET,    SAN     FRANCISCO. 


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CD 

CD 
CD 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St,sut 


THE  UNIVERSAL 

BENEVjOLENT_  ASSOCIA- 
TION  orCalifornia    for  Un- 
married Persons. 

OFFICE,   1038  MISSION   STREET. 


NO   CURE,     NO    PAY  I 

DE.  MaeLENNAN,  Vital  Cure,  224  Kearny  st. 
Consultation  Free.  For  the  thorough  treatment 
and  quick  cure  of  all  ourable  diseases  without  the  use 
of  poisonous  drugs,  painful  surgery  or  dangerous 
treatment.  The  most  hopeless  cases  taken  and  cured 
after  all  other  means  have  fai'ed.  $1,000  will  be 
given  for  any  of  our  published  testimonials  that  are 
not  genuine. 

Hon.  E.  C.  MARSHALL,  Attorney-General  for  Cal- 
ifornia, cured  by  Dr.  MacLenn-in  of  nervous  prostra- 
tion in  a  few  treatments. 

i   Hon.   CHAS.    CROCKER,    "  the  railroad  million- 
aire," cured  of  Rheumatism  in  three  treatments. 

Professorr  D.  GONZALIZ  was  given  up  by  his  phy- 
sician to  die  of  sapped  vitality  and  paralysis  ;  was 
carried  perfectly  helpless  to  Dr.  MacLennan  and  cur- 
ed, now  says — "  In  less  than  one  month  I  was  enabled 
to  resume  my  occupation  as  Professor  of  Music  and 
violinist  at  the  Tivoli  Opera  House,  and  ever  since  (for 
over  a  year)  have  continued  in  good  health,  without 
the  slightest  return  of  mv  weakness  or  disease." 

Dr.  J.  WILMHURST,  M.  D.,  M.  R.  C.  S.,  now  at 
Abbotsford  House,  says— "  My  hearing  is  completely 
restored  bv  Dr.  MacLennan's  manipulation  alone." 

Rev.  A.  C.  GILES,  Mendocino,  Cal.,  says— "The 
effect  which  your  treatment  had  upon  me  is  truly 
wonderful    Altogether  I  feel  like  a  new  man.'' 

Miss  EMMA  JAMES,  San  Leandro,  Cal.,  for  six 
years  a  crippled  invalid,  unable  to  stand  or  walk  ; 
given  up  by  over  a  dozen  doctors ;  took  two  weeks' 
treatment  of  Dr.  MacLennan  and  recovered. 

Mr.  A.  WALWORTH,  capitalist,  Nevada  City,  came 
to  Dr.  MacLennan  on  two  crutches  and  returned  home 
in  eight  days  without  them 

Mr.  J.  S.  BURLINGAME  left  Eureka,  Xev.,  on  a 
stretcher.  After  taking  a  few  treatments  of  Dr.  Mac- 
Lennan he  returned  home  a  well  mart. 

And  over  7,000  others,  which  will  be  sent  free  to 
any  address,  or  upon  application  at  the  office  of  the 
TITA1  (IRE,  224  Kearny  St.  Xo  charges 
made  unless  a  enre  Is  effected. 

»R.  J.  D.  HacLEMXAX, 

Consulting  Physician. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 

.~~. ,-.  c    Fevers. 

For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whcopirg  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    HASSMER,    933  Wasliington  SI:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and      Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

IIS    SITTER    STREET San  Franclseo,  Cal, 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

Tie  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250,000 

HOME  OFFIOE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
We  J.  Dotton,  Secretary. 

K.  W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson    &    Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts 

0A8H  ASSETS  REPRESENTED ....  ..$23,613,618 

W.  L.  Cbalmere,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  AgentB  and 
Adjusters.  Capt.  A.  M.  BnrnB,  Marine  Surveyor. 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers    of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET San  Francisco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE   and  ^S^Jis^  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;        ;        ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingloy,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPART.11ENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  9.  F. 


Q     T     "DTp  IV/riVR  OTCli1      Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks 


and  Art  Brlc-a-Brac 


repaired,  212  O'FARRELL  ST.,  f^rSE®* 


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AS  A  BEVERAGE, 
AS  A  REMEDY, 


NECTAR  ! 
-     SOVEREIGN  ! 


AS  AN  APPETIZER, 
AS  A  WHOLE, 


UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED ! 


An  Unfailing  Cure  for  all  Malarial  Diseases,  Dyspepsia  and  Debility. 


THE  CELEBRATED 

JIAMPACNE  WINES 

Hun.  Dentz  &  Gtlderman  Ay,  en  Cbamp&gne- 


I     CACHET    BLANC-  Extra    Dry, 

Id  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN      SEAX, 

In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

MKDEAUA   BED   AND  WHITE   WTXES.* 

I  I  In  cases  from  Messrs.  A  de  Luze  &  Fits. 

HOCK     TONES, 

I  I  cues  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

■tries  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
I  1 314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


"Gi7t  Hit  son  a  literal  eflncatton." 


BEELAIN  &  KOBINSON 

PB0PBIET0R8.  


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 
QLLEGE. 


Gs 


SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS 


I 


Leopold   Bro's 

LOEIST 

85  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bouquets  Baskets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


J 


8 

MOAT'V 

Street 


Ph.otograph.er. 


ll.EN   M°GARY  &  CO, 

....  WHOLESALE.... 

JijUOR    MERCHANTS, 

122  and  824  FBONT  STBEET, 
Ml  FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


'White  House"  Whiskies, 

KI.ITII.IM     IIOl  I.ANU     GIN, 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

PORT,    SHERRY,     Etc 

In  bond  or  duly  paid.         p   **!*■■ 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 

318    Front     Sired,    Room    3,     Sun    Franclseo 


DRINK 


ETHESDA 

AGENCY,  418  SACRAMENTO  ST.,  8.  F. 

For  Bale  at  all  first-class  SALOONS. 


Merchant  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DDTONT. 
San   Francisco,   Cal. 

J.  SCHWARTZ.  SOI..  ShIPPBM.5 


Jahbb  Shba.         A.   Booqurraz.         R.  McKek. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fino 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 
Comer  Front  and  Jaebson    Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &.    Co., 


Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Dealers. 
"  MILTON    J.    HARDY," 

"J.    F.    CUTTER," 
and    "  MILLER'S    EXTRA " 

1  Old     Bourbon    WhlHkles.1 

408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


s  c  n  l  it  z  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 

RICHAEDS    &    HAE'EISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
.  N.  W.  Corner    SANSOME  and    SACRAMENTO   Streete,  LSan   Francisco. 


A 


frican  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonlo  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast 


DT  ATSTOnHazelton  Bros 
First  Class,   1 
Medium  Price,  A 


FULL    VALUE 

FOB   YOUR  MONEY  mf 


HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 
A.  M.  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

647     Market     Street, 


HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

214  California  St.,  San  Francisco,  Cal. 


"  Excelsior  !  "        "  Excelsior  ! " 

c.    z  i  n  isr  s  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  (Masonic  Temple}, 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 


(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Building, 

ROOMS    a,    8    and      10, 

Entrance,  800  Market  street 

Dr.  (HAS  W.    DECKER,  Dontist. 


Phelan's 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor    of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"OFIELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

Ibpping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

a  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

Memento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


Sele  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  Ss  0o*s 

frBUDWEISER  BEERe) 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal, 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


GROVVf 

FINE   OLD   TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  of  Excellence, 
12      MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and    Shoe    Maker, 

W 

Eh 

P5   ffti  m.  o 

H 

QQ 


£3"  Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
STATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Best  Work- 
mansblp. 


f  MEUSSDORFFERS  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY  YOUR    SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


COAL  a** 
PIG  IRON. 

J.    MacDONOUGH     &    Co., 

Importers  and  dealers  in  all  kinds  of  Coal 
and   Pig  Ir»n 

41    MARKET    STREET, 

(Corner  Spear.)  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

J.  MacDonouqh.  J.  C.  Wilson. 


SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon. 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  Han  FraneiBio. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cafees 
made  to  Order-  Sole  agent  ior  BUS9IAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
Sausages.  A.  KEIS411K. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY  M09F0P0LE  (extra), 

L.  ItOEDEUEK  (sweet  and  dry), 

MOET  .1    t  II  4M><>\, 

VE1  iVK     t'Lll'Ul'Ur, 

For  sale  b,     A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYE    "WORKS. 

(Johk  F.  Ssow  &  Co.) 
IS"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6SS  Market  Street,  Pal-ace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladies'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
('HAS.  J.  HOLMES,  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(Oculist.) 
•ClORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
r  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  p.  M.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  116  Market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOTJIS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


w 

f  |  Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 


o  1 1  ©  rs  6  rot  h  e  rs  &  Co  Francisco  danem-  henry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

27  and  39  California  Street, 

221  California  Street,  San  Francisco        '  Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


QAN  CRANCISCOQTOCK  DREWERY, 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. J 


:sm 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 
Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED BT  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  CLIMATE. 


.    IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
^HPaTTteuTdkeepT'      the  Pacific  Coast. 
^^V^uMS^BDDOLPH  MOHK,  Secretary. 


R.  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Millkr,  Supt. 
D.  A.  9i.Lcnos.VLD.  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

317  to  325  Spear  St.,  818  to  226  Smart  st. 

Sak  Francisco,  Cal.  . 


LICKHOUSE 

ON     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant 

THE   HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 
In  the  World. 
Wm.   F.  HARBISON,  Manager. 

HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAW  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING   AND 

COMSS!0«ERCHA!HS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNOTIOS  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line, 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited) ; 
the  Marine  Insurance  Cu.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  WorkB;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo. 
Nich.  Ashton  &  Son's  Fait. 


BEY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 


(B^vV^O^pC^  h  ^ 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 


THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

BS^None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  Isabel  and  Cork.. 


P 

KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

If'  626rylONTGQM£gY:ST,a...S.E..COR  ,SUTT ER .&  D LJ£0|£LjSIS.;, 


L-     P.    OEGS1 


M*KER     OF 


Water  Proot  Leather  Belting. 

13  Fremont  St..  San  Francisco. 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


CH 


A  M  P  A  G  N 


Pure,  delicious  and  healthful         ^mm 
809   MONTGOMERY  St.,  San  Fnutelseo. 

H  .    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

403     HVUKEI     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont}  Sam  Frakcisoo. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  Commission  Her- 
B  chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   ST3.,  S,  F 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

IP  _A_  It?   IE    ~El 


OF    ALL     EIKD6. 

413  and  415  Winsome  St. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on   the    Pacliic 
Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


CALIFOENIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,   Eighth  and   Krannan  streets. 

OLAUS  SPREOKELS President 

J.  D.  SPREOKELS    Vlce-Preldent 

A.  B.  SPREOKELS Secretary 

THE     AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export 
C.  ABOLPHE  LOW,  Presided! 
Office— 308  Calllbrnia  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


i 


TRADE 


MARK. 


^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING. 


A.    O.    COOK    &    SON, 

411    MARKET    3TUGBT.     s.     T. 


THE    WASP. 


THE    SHODDY     RECEPTION. 


A    la    ••  Call "    Society    Reporter. 

I  a  re  ponse  to  invitations 

Pr the  charming  Mrs.  Shoddy, 

"ne  of  those  refined  oocasions 
So  enjoyed  by  every  body 
a  together  the  elite 

At  her  house Greenback  street : 

And  the-  princely  mansion 
With  a  dazzling  brilliancy  : 
Flowers  from  the  tropic  none 
Bric-a-brac  which  lust.:  alone 
1  '""I'l  luggesi  and  wealth  supply  ; 
Crystal  glass  tnd  Bilvev  ware 
'  .olden-line.  [,  nntique  and  rare  ; 
Wealth  and  rolendor  every  where. 
\\  bile  a  sumptuous  table  groaned 
'Neath  a  most  superb  collation. 

Where  -  ,.t  enthroned 

Fair  and  full— of  animation  ! 
1   ii!      his  enchanting  scene 

Music  lent  its  witching  strains, 
Led  by  Signor  Tambourine, 

Which  its  excellence  explains, 
Here  it  was  that  Mrs.  s. , 
Full  of  queenly  graciousness. 
Welcomed  her  distinguished  guests- 
Half  a  thousand  souls  or  more  : 
And  among  the  many  score 
All  were  rich  and  none  were  poor- 
All  had  feathered  well  their  nests. 
Elegant  and  recherche 
And  select  in  every  way  : 
Never  did  a  poor  nobody 
"ft  a  card  from  Mrs.  Shoddy. 
-Mrs.  Moneybags  was  there. 
Jewels  Hashing  in  her  hair- 
Kobe  of  silk  en  Pompadour, 
Bought  on  European  tour  : 
Bias  ruffle  at  the  base  ; 
( 'oiffure  d  la  Bordelaise. 
Also,  Miss  S.  Truckit  Ritche 
In  a  lovely  satin  which 
Fell  in  graceful  folds  away 
Bosom  cut  decollete. 
Flowing  skirt  in  demi-train 
Diamonds— and  coiffure  plain. 
Handsome  Mrs.  Welles  de  Oile 
Had  her  hair  in  Grecian  coil, 
Gros-grain  silk  and  grenadine 
Trimmed  with  bands  of  pale  sea-green. 
Fair  Miss  Pinching  Parvenu  : 
Velvet  robe  of  navy  blue, 
Bouffant  basque  of  terra-cotta, 
Bosom  edged  with  fur  of  otter. 
Many  more  deserve  attention, 
Quite  too  numerous  to  mention- 
Costumes  rich  and  elegant, 
Some  revers  and  some  bouffant, 
Corsage  high  or  very  scant, 
Black  crf-pe  lisse  and  antique  moire 

Postscript  m  the  Editor  : 
Paper  had  to  go  to  press— 
Couldn't  stand  this  beastly  stuff- 
Killed  the  idiotic  muff- 
Made  a  most  unpleasant  mess. 
Green  tomato  knocked  his  brains  out, 
Office  devil  washed  the  stains  out. 
Heaven  grant  him  sweet  repose, 
Writing  up  the  angels'  clothes  ! 


San  Francisco,  Ma//  15,  1883. 


-Bysshe. 


THE     PEDDLER'S      PACK, 


J  was  present  at  a  double  execution  the  other 
day.  The  candidates  for  promotion  were  not  exe- 
cuted for  any  crime  of  their  own  but  for  the  fault 
of  another.  They  were  horses  and  had  been 
mutilated  by  a  passing  train.  Now  the  conscienti- 
ous policeman  is  careful  to  shoot  his  horses  in  ac- 
cordance with  a  printed  diagram  indicating  the 
fatal  spot.  This  considerate  device  worked  admir- 
ably with  Number  One,  but  Number  Two,  having 
apparently  fathomed  the  inwardness  of  the  scheme, 
refused  to  be  butchered  according  to  rule  and 
seriously  annoyed  the  conscientious  policeman  by 
wagging  his  head  from  side  to  side  when  the  pistol 
was  pointed.     The  executioner  for  the  nonce  was 


reduced  to  the  undignified  alternative  of  taking  a 

series  of  merlective  snapshots  while  the  rude  popu- 
lace jeered  and  made  suggestions.  This  may  be 
quoted  as  another  \i  romarkable  instance  of  intelli- 
gence displayed  by  the  lower  animals."  How 
many  of  us  know  the  soft  s,,,,)  i„  our  respective 
heads  ' 

We  have  assumed  the  virtue  of  "  putting  out  of 
the  way,  as  we  tenderly  eupheiuize  it,  any  oi  the 
brute  creation  that  have  become  a  plague  to  them- 
selves or  to  others.  This  is  all  right,  but  we  do 
not  go  far  enough,  or  our  definition  of  the  "  brute 
creation  '  is  not  as  broad  as  the  facts  warrant.  If 
an  assortment  of  the  plug  preachers  of  San  Fran- 
cisco should  on  some  happy  day  be  .unsigned  to  the 
Poundman  to  be  put  out  of  the  way,  with  or  with- 
out a  diagram,  the  world  would  be  richer  by  so 
much  bones  and  hide  and  tallow  and  saintly 
sausage  meat,  and  none  the  poorer  by  loss  of  the 
discourse  of  reason. 


The  Dana  banquet  at  the  Bohemian  Club  is 
rather  a  stale  subject  now,  but  no  one  seems  to  have 
drawn  attention  to  the  rosy  report  of  that  festivity 
in  the  Chronicle.  In  describing  the  room  this 
"  Bohemian  "  reporter  says  :  "  The  tables  were 
arranged  in  the  form  of  a  horseshoe,  to  which 
modern  estheticism  has  given  a  more  exaggerated 
value  than  the  medieval  peasant  who  nailed  it  to 
his  door  lintel  to  psychologically  kick  away  witches 
and  all  things  evil."  What  manner  of  adverbial 
verb  is  "  to  psychologically  kick  "  J  and  in 
heaven's  name,  what  does  it  mean  f  Is  it  the  miss- 
ing link  between  two  parts  of  speech  ?  If  the 
bastard  hybrid  could  be  conjugated  on  the  body 
of  its  father  there  might  be  some  compensation, 
but  the  unnatural  monster  won't  work.  It  is  a 
union  of  Kilkenny  cats,  of  which  one-half  destroys 
the  other. 

Further  down  he  says  of  the  Chairman  of  the 
evening  that  he  "  presided  with  that  thoroughly 
bred  dexterity,"  etc.  Does  he  mean  thoroughly 
ill-bred,  or  thoroughly  well-bred,  or  thoroughbred, 
or  what  does  he  mean  ?  It  is  a  mistake  to  mix 
champagne  with  a  jackass.  The  champagne  is 
spoiled  and  the  jackass  gets  drunk. 


LITERARY    NOTES. 


Mr.  Riohard  P.  Hallowell  has  written  a  history 
M  ,       i       H        We  be- 
lieve this  historical  event  occurred  on  the  same  .lav 
that  the  Massachusetts   State  Militia  hastily  dis- 
banded. J 


Roses  and  raptures  !  I  went  to  see  Modjeska  in 
"  Adrienne."  The  French  were  defeated  with 
great  slaughter.  Every  French  word  that  dared 
put  up  its  temerarious  head  got  a  whack  on  the 
skull  from  "  the  support."  I  heard  one  tragedy 
king  pronounce  the  name  of  the  "  Count  de 
Nevers  "  as  if  he  were  a  sort  of  plural-extraordin- 
ary of  the  English  adverb  of  that  name.  When 
prince  and  courtier  murdered  the  French  and 
Modjeska  mumbled  this  noble  English  language, 
one  did  not  know  whether  to  be  amused  or  angry. 
Yet  she  is  almost  great.  She  has  the  "  one  touch  of 
nature. ' ' 


Houghton  Mifflin  A  Co.,  announce  a  new  edition 

°J ''"'  l um  of  Jones  Very.     We  believe  it  was 

.Mr.  \  ery  win.  wrote  the  immortal  lines  be\ginning 

Affliction  sore  longtime  he  bora  ; 
Physicians  v.  i    in  i  ain. 
The  circumstances  under  which  this  great  work 
was  produced  bum  one  of  the  moBt  interesting 
chapters  in  the  history  of  letters. 

The  late  "George  Eliot's"  surviving  husband 
(her  sure-enough  husband)  is  writing  "her  life— 
which  his  stupidity  did  so  much  to  short  en. 

G.  P.  Putnam's  Sons  will  publish  a  series  of 
books  under  the  general  title,  Topics  ■  >/'  the  Tim,. 
If  the  startling  originality  of  the  title'  should  not 
prove  fatal  to  the  enterprise  it  must  look  to  other 
causes  for  its  death-blow. 

A  wealthy  dry  goods  merchant  of  New  York  is 
ambitious  to  enter  the  field  of  literature  in  com- 
petition with  Harper's  and  The  Century.  He  will 
soon  be  respected  by  all  who  knew  hini  and  leave 
a  large  circle  of  bereaved  creditors. 


[(  Mr.  Joseph  Conrad  Isaac's  poem  in  the  Examin  ,, 
"  The  Little  Retoucher,"  has  met  with  unexpected 
and  encouraging  recognition.  Its  fame  has  spread 
as  far  as  the  corner  of  Market  and  Seventh  streets. 

A  posthumous  work  by  the  late  Sidney  Lanier 
is  The  English  Novel  and  the  Prmcipleofits  !>■  acton- 
meni.  In  holding  back  this  book  until  he  was 
dead.  Mr.  Lanier  had  the  misfortune  to  delay  it 
until  the  English  Novel  was  deader  than  he.  The 
fictionists  of  to-day  are  simply  rearranging  its 
bones. 


This  noble  English  language  !  That  broad  and 
mighty  stream  with  which  alike  is  poured  the  warm 
life-blood  that  Skakspeare  lavished  and  the  ropy 
drooliugs  of  Joseph  Cook  ;  which  bears  on  its  shin- 
ing breast  the  grand  and  awful  ship  which  Milton 
manned  with  devils  ;  which  carries  along  torever 
the  thin  prettinesses  of  Addison  and  the  pudding- 
gutted  remains  of  Johnson  ;  in  the  roar  of  whose 
torrent  is  heard  the  scolding  scream  of  the  wrath 
of  Junius  and  the  hiss  of  the  undying  bitterness  of 
Swift  ;  which  is  muddied  by  the  sugary  drivel  of 
the  polite  pulpiteer  and  the  robustious  ravings  of 
the  gospel-whanger  ;  on  whose  bosom  bubbles  the 
bright  fun  bedimmed  with  tears  of  "  Elia  ",  and 
which  is  defiled  by  scrawny  vulgarisms  of  the  cheap 
advertisement — our  Mother  Tongue,  you  are  a  very 
wanton,  but  I  love  you.  Autolycus. 

Oakland,  May  11,,  188;J. 


In,  Jesus,  His  Opinions  and  Character,  an  anony- 
mous writer  corrects  a  great  many  mistakes  and 
oversights  of  the  illustrious  Author  of  the  New 
Testament — with  whose  views,  however,  as  well  as 
with  those  of  the  hero  of  both  books  he  manifests  a 
general  agreement  that  never  degenerates  into 
slavish  concurrence. 


And  now  we  have  a  "  ponderous  tome  "  on  The 
Seal  Lord  Byron— who,  if  we  are  rightly  informed, 
consists  of  three  pints  of  dust  and  a  delicate  but 
distinct  odor. 


Major  Wasson,  U.  S.  A.,  being  found  several 
thousand  dollars  short  in  his  accounts  pathetically 
explains  that  he  took  the  money,  "  merely  in  the 
nature  of  a  forced  loan,"  for  the  purpose  of  helping 
his  father  out  of  some  temporary  embarrassments, 
the  said  "  loan  "  to  be  repaid  at  the  end  of  sixty 
days.  Before  this  plea  the  jury  will  undoubtedly 
melt  in  their  seatB  and  run  down  between  the 
cracks  of  the  boards,  faintly  murmuring  "  not 
guilty."  It  will  then  be  in  order  for  Major  Was- 
son to  bring  a  civil  suit  for  damages  against  the 
United  States,  and  theBe  being  obtained  it  will 
only  remain  for  a  remorseful  nation  after  his  death 
to  erect  a  massive  monument  in  his  honor.  Per- 
haps, in  return  the  Major  might  be  induced  to  be- 
queath his  cheek  for  the  foundation  of  the  same. 
It  would  save  cement. 


Mr.  William  Shakspeare,  a  rising  young  dramat- 
ist, has  got  out  several  new  editions  of  "his  plays 
recently.  The  critics  have  received  them  with  ap- 
proval, as  a  rule,  and  he  of  the  Bulletin  is  of  the 
opinion  that  there  is  good  stuft'  in  William,  which 
pactice  will  bring  out. 

The  Bulletin,  by  the  way,  has  found  all  books  so 
good  and  great  that  it  proposes  to  discontinue  the 
practice  of  reviewing  them.  Let  it  be  patient  ; 
Parson  Bartlett  has  been  seen  walking  the  deck  of 
the  Oakland  ferry-boat  with  a  restless  rlame  in  the 
eye  that  he  directs  upon  the  paper  as  he  writes  and 
a  menace  in  the  one  that  he  keeps  upon  the  market. 
There  is  something  going  on  in  that  man's  head, 
sure. 

Ittakesa  parson  to  outdoashowman.  Everybody 
is,  or  ought  to  be,  familiar  with  the  way  in  which 
certain  actors,  singers  and  the  like  get  themselves 
"  urged  "  by  "  prominent  citizens  "  to  repeat  their 
performances  :  they  write  the  urgent  request,  send 
it  round  and  bore  for  signatures  ;  then  gratefully 
comply  through  the  newspapers,  appointing  a  time 
and  place  when  they  will  be  pleased  to  delight  the 
prominent  citilens — who  never  attend.  The  first 
part  of  this  crafty  and  thrifty  method  was  duly 
performed  by  the  Rev.  Charles  Dana  Barrows  with 
reference  to  a  repetition  of  an  oratorio  which  he 
had  put  upon  the  holy  stage  of  the  First  Congrega- 
tional Church  :  the  reverend  gentleman  extracted 
the  necessary  signatures  to  the  customary  Mattering 
request,  and  then — publicly  refused  to  grant  it  ! 
And  so  the  curtain  falls  upon  the  tableau  of  the  In- 
exorable Parson  and  the  Discomfited  Supplicants, 
It  is  plain  that  in  this  heroic  attitude  Mr.  Barrows 
finds  ample  compensation  for  the  inexpediency  of 
repeating  an  unprofitable  show. 


THE    WAS^ 


SATURDAY, 


MAY    19,     1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  540  AND  543  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    G.    MACFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


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We  are  in  receipt  of  several  communications 
"  denouncing,"  and  asking  us  to  "denounce,"  the 
proceedings  in  the  Fair  divorce  case.  It  is  affirm- 
ed, and  we  believe  truly,  that  the  case  was  tried, 
and  concluded  to  the  satisfactcion  of  both  plaintiff 
and  defendant  in  about  an  hour  ;  that  there  was 
no  contest ;  that  the  division  of  property  was  evi- 
dently made  according  to  terms  previously  agreed 
upon  ;  and  that  it  looks  as  if  there  were  "collu- 
sion." We  shall  do  no  denouncing  with  regard  to 
this  matter,  and  nobody  shall  do  any  in  this  paper. 
We  should  be  glad  to  see  every  lawsuit  settled  in 
the  same  time  and  in  the  same  way — "  to  the  sat- 
isfaction of  both  parties."  We  fail  to  apprehend 
the  irony  of  the  phrase  ;  fail  to  discern  anything 
deserving  of  denunciation  in  a  division  of  property 
mutually  agreed  upon,  and  therefore  presumably 
equitable  ;  are  not  impressed  with  a  sense  of  pub- 
lic peril  because  a  defendant  in  name  declines  a 
contest  for  the  benefit  of  lawyers,  clerks,  copyists, 
sheriffs,  juries,  witnesses,  newspaper  publishers 
and  others  not  concerned  in  the  origin  and  results 
of  the  action.  We  do  not  understand  why  in  a  di- 
vorce case  a  mutual  agreement  and  understanding 
between  the  parties  litigant  should  be  denounced 
and  punished  as  "  collusion,"  and  in  all  other  cases 
commended  as  "  honorable  compromise."  We  are 
unable  to  perceive  any  reason  having  foundation  in 
justice  and  common  sense  why  in  a  suit  for  divorce, 
and  in  no  other,  the  strenuous  and  bitter  dissent 
of  one  of  the  parties  to  it  should  be  a  condition  nec- 
essary to  the  making  of  a  decree  granting  it.  It 
seems  to  us  that  when  both  parties  want  a  divorce 
there  is  a  double  reason  for  giving  it  them.  A 
mutual  agreement  between  litigants  is  what  every 
bad  lawyer  seeks  to  avert,  and  every  good  judge  is 
anxious  to  promote  by  suasion  and  ratify  by  decree. 
If  it  be  urged  that  these  views  run  counter  to 
theological  systems,  legal  philosophies,  political 
theories  and  social  tendencies  having  their  honor- 
able origin  in  the  good  old  days  of  moral  servitude 
and  intellectual  darkness,  we  will  humbly  confess 
that  they  are  open  to  that  objection,  and  hold 
them  with  an  added  convictiou.  And  if  the  devil 
hold  them  too,  why,  we  congratulate  him  on  hav- 
ing made  a  distinct  advance  toward  the  light,  and 
heartily  welcome  his  alliance. 


It  is  to  be  regretted  that  Mr.  A.  Cerf,  of  Oak- 
land, cannot  spare  the  time  to  spend  a  few  months 
in  jail  and  the  money  to  contest  the  right  of  Judge 


Green  to  keep  him  there.  This  gentleman  was  a 
juror  for  the  trial  of  a  person  described  in  the  inform- 
ation or  indictment  as  Frank  Bautista.  In  the 
course  of  the  proceedings  it  was  discovered  that 
the  man's  name  was  Frank  Bautista  Duarte, 
whereupon  the  Judge  ordered  all  the  testimony 
stricken  out  and  "  instructed  "  the  jury  to  acquit. 
This,  Mr.  Cerf  refused  to  do,  and  finally  complied 
only  under  a  threat  of  imprisonment  for  contempt. 
We  do  not  believe  the  Judge  had  any  right  to  im- 
prison Mr.  Cerf.  We  do  not  believe  that  an  in- 
struction either  to  acquit  or  convict  ha3  the  force 
and  validity  of  an  order.  If  it  has,  trial  by  jury  is 
a  detestable  cheat.  The  discovery  of  the  prisoner's 
real  name  must  have  been  made  through  evidence 
— of  the  trustworthiness  of  which  it  was  Mr.  Cerf's 
right  and  duty  as  a  juror  to  judge.  Even  if  con- 
vinced by  it,  he  had  still  the  right  to  stand  for  con- 
viction, or,  if  the  trial  was  not  concluded,  to  de- 
cline to  render  any  verdict.  If  the  others  were  for 
acquittal  the  prisoner  would  have  been  free  by  dis- 
agreement, or  could  have  been  released  by  some 
other  legal  expedient.  But  under  no  circumstances, 
and  without  regard  to  consequences,  do  we  believe 
a  judge  has  the  right  by  threat  to  compel  a  certain 
verdict.  If  the  law  really  gives  him  such  a  right 
the  law  should  be  amended  forthwith.  The  right 
to  compel  a  jury  to  acquit  implies  the  right  to  com- 
pel it  to  convict.  It  is  a  mischievous  doctrine  that 
a  judge  may  put  handcuffs  upon  the  conscience  of 
a  juror  because  an  indictment  contains  an  error  not 
at  all  affecting  the  rights  of  the  prisoner.  If  Mr. 
Cerf  had  been  disposed  to  hold  out  against  so 
monstrous  a  claim  we  could  have  endured  his  im- 
prisonment with  fortitude  to  the  bitter  end. 


We  are  not  ourselves  avidly  enamored  of  Mr. 
Pixley's  "  Catholic  Irish  "  of  the  more  ignorant 
and  intractable  sort  ;  we  find  them  socially  dis- 
agreeable, politically  mischievous  and  religiously 
bigoted  ;  but  wheu  Mr.  Pixley  and  others  like  him 
(if  he  will  generously  overlook  the  implication  that 
any  mortal  has  that  advantageous  resemblance) 
affirm  of  the  Irish  an  unreasoning  and  unquestion- 
ing submission  to  the  will  of  the  Pope,  the  asser- 
tion is  not  supported  by  the  facts.  The  Pope  is 
stoutly  opposed  to  secret  organizations  ;  yet  the 
Irish,  in  both  Ireland  and  America,  are  greatly 
addicted  to  the  practice  of  banding  themselves 
together  in  mysterious  "  brotherhoods,"  frequently 
for  the  attainment  of  ends  which  His  Holiness  has 
distinctly  disapproved.  If  we  rightly  remember, 
the  late  Pius  IX.  explicitly  discountenanced  the 
objeets  of  the  Fenian  organization  and  forbade  the 
faithful  to  join  it  ;  with  how  little  effect  we  need 
not  say.  Not  only  the  laity  but  the  clergy  them- 
selves have  in  some  instances  joined  issue  with  the 
head  of  the  Church  in  this  matter.  The  present 
Pope  has  not  at  any  time,  we  believe,  been  in 
sympathy  with  the  cause  of  Irish  independence  ; 
certainly  not  with  the  inhuman  methods  by  which 
it  is  sought,  but  has  repeatedly  rebuked  the  ex- 
travagances of  the  Land  League  and  the  detestable 
conspiracies  whose  crimes  it  but  coldly  disavows. 
He  has  within  the  present  week  sent  a  circular  to 
the  Irish  Bishops,  forbidding  the  clergy  to  encour- 
age subscriptions  that  arouse  hatred  and  dissension, 
and  when  crime  is  never  censured  by  those  for 
whom  the  collections  are  made.  In  short,  it  may 
be  said  that  the  Land  League  and  the  numberless 
secret  organizations  for  which  it  is  responsible,  and 
to  which  it  is  allied,  exist  in  stubborn  disobedience 
to  the  Papal  will.  In  the  interest  of  common 
sense  and  abstract  truth,  we  would  take  it  as  a 
favor  if  some  of  our  contemporaries  who  dislike  the 
Irish  almost  as  much  as  we  do  ourselves  would 
have  the  goodness  to  unbuild  so  much  of  the  super- 
structure of  their  rancor  as  is  based  infirmly  on  the 


error  herein  pointed  out,  if  they  can  do  so  without 
marring  the  magnitude  and  symmetry  of  the  pile. 


In  rejecting  General  Grant  for  their  President, 
the  members  of  the  Society  of  the  Army  of  the 
Potomac  have  given  that  perpetual  aspirant  for 
undeserved  honors  a  "  black  eye  "  that  he  will  not 
be  likely  soon  to  forget.  It  has  become  a  habit  of 
this  man  to  reach  out  for  whatever  he  can  or  can- 
not get,  from  the  Presidency  of  the  United  States 
to  the  Chairmanship  of  a  dog  show,  from  a  profit- 
able position  in  the  service  of  Jay  Gould  to  a  suit 
of  clothes  from  Nicoll  the  Tailor.  He  has  his 
rapacious  nose  under  every  garden  fence,  his  fore- 
feet in  every  trough.  It  was  his  good  fortune,  once 
to  do  a  great  public  service.  He  performed  it  well, 
faithfully  and  modestly.  He  assisted  to  save  the 
country— and  has  ever  since  pushed  his  claim  for 
salvage.  He  has  obtained  judgment  :  has  been 
made  President  twice,  and  disgraced  the  office  ; 
rich  a  half  dozen  times,  and  wasted  the  property. 
And  still  he  is  on  his  hams  with  his  fore-paws  sus- 
pended before  him  and  a  look  of  expectancy  in  his 
eyes,  begging,  begging,  begging.  The  Presidency 
is  again  the  object  of  his  insatiable  appetite  ;  the 
dispersed  elements  of  the  discreditable  third-term 
conspiracy  are  crawling  together  again,  like  the  dis- 
located sections  of  the  joint-snake,  scattered  by  the 
cast  of  a  club.  From  the  way  that  events  are 
shaping  themselves  we  judge  that  General  Grant 
will  head  a  formidable  following  in  the  next  Re- 
publican Presidential  Convention.  He  will  be  the 
candidate  of  corruption,  monopoly  and  protection. 
It  is  not  wise  to  underrate,  not  the  strength  that 
he  commands,  but  the  strength  that  commands 
him.  He  is  himself  nothing,  politically  ;  destitute 
of  ideas,  destitute  of  knowledge,  destitute  of-  con- 
victions, he  is  by  nature  as  by  preference  the 
rogue's  choice  and  the  fool's  hope.  Every  rebuke 
to  his  monstrous  ambition  and  unappeasable  greed 
is  a  service  by  the  Present  to  the  Future. 


A  grand  jury  in  Kern  county  has  investigated  the 
causes  of  the  recent  railroad  slaughter  at  Tehachapi 
Pass,  and  in  its  report  attributes  the  disaster,  not 
to  the  employees  of  the  lost  train,  who  acted  under 
instructions  and  are  still  in  the  service  of  the  com- 
pany, but  to  "  the  general  management  of  the 
road."  The  report  affirms  that  the  road  at  Tehach- 
api is  illegally  constructed  and  dangerous,  and  that 
trains  are  run  over  it  with  the  same  reckless  diare* 
gard  of  precautions  as  before  the  accident.  The 
Southern  Pacific  Railroad  Company  is  therefore 
"  strongly  censured,"  and  the  public  assured  that 
it  is  "  entitled  to  such  immediate  changes  as  may 
effectually  place  beyond  possibility  the  recurrence 
of  such  a  calamity  "  as  the  comminution  and  com- 
bustion of  passengers.  In  case  Messrs.  Stanford, 
Crocker  and  Huntington  should  have  their  atten- 
tion directed  to  this  report,  and  should  impeni- 
tently  refuse  to  fall  sick  about  it,  we  have  the  honor 
to  recommend  that  another  and  more  terrible  grand 
jury  be  convened,  and  that  it  do  not  confine  itself 
to  so  mild  a  measure  as  "strong  censure,"  but  go 
to  the  length  of  "  sharp  rebuke."  It  may  perhaps 
be  urged  that  having  been  proved  culpable  they 
might  properly  have  been  indicted  ;  but  this  in- 
human course  might  have  resulted  in  an  injury  to 
their  finest  feelings;  for  even  if  sent  to  the  State 
Prison  their  characters  are  so  bad  that  the  Warden 
would  undoubtedly  turn  them  into  the  street.  As 
for  the  public,  now  that  it  knows  what  it  is  entitled 
to,  it  would  apparently  be  legally  justified  in  wish- 
ing that  it  may  get  it. 


The  former  and  the  present  Board  of  State  Prison 
Commissioners  make  mutual  accusations  of  theft. 
As  neither  Board  accuses  the  other  of  falsehood 
we  do  them  the  justice  to  believe  both. 


THE    WASP. 


PRATTLE 


The  meanest  word  that  the  literary  moonshiners 
of  the  newspapers  have  recently  distilled  from  the 
sour  mash  of  their  ignorance  is  the  tanglefoot  verb 

spectus  ";  it  is  stated  in  a  New  York  dis- 
patch that  a  certain  book  has  been  extensively  ad- 
vertised and  "  prospectused."     Did  any  one  ever 

base  a  participle  of  so  vile  a  verb  .'  May  its 
inventor's  dust  be  laid  with  his  own  blood  !  May 
he  be  turned  into  a  dog  and  pass  the  endless  icons 
of  eternity  revolving  dizzily  in  pursuit  of  his  own 
tail,  which  he  neither  can  catch  nor  would  eat  if 
caught  !  May  his  Maker  afflict  him  with  a  chronic 
broken  leg  I  May  he  be  made  to  eat  his  words— 
this  one  among  them  ! 


Now  whether  Protestantism,  as  a  religion,  lie  true  or 
false,  it  i-  unquestionably  the  dominant  religion  of  all  the 
ive  nations.  And  if  religion,  in  some  form  or 
itber,  i-  "  tlie  salt  of  the  earth,"  "  the  decay  of  Protest- 
uiti-in."  and  its  approaching  death,  can  mean  nothing 
leas  than  this  :  that  modern  civilization  will  soon  become 

putrid  carcass,  at  once  dead  itself  and  death-dealing  far 
ifliwide.— Th,  Rev.  William  Kirkus,  in  The  North  Ameri- 
An  Red'  ti: 

Bravo  I  but  what  says  the  Rev.  William  to  the 
ogic  of  this  '. 

Now  whether  silk,  as  a  material  for  hats,  be  good 
ir  not,  it  is  unquestionably  the  favorite  material 
or  the  hats  of  all  the  progressive  nations.  And  if 
iat8,  in  some  form  or  other,  are  "the  salt  of  the 
arth,"  "the  decay  of  the  silk  hat,"  and  its  ap- 
roachiug  disuse,  can  mean  nothing  less  than  this  : 
hat  modern  civilization  will  soon  become  a  putrid 
arcass,  at  once  dead  itself  and  death-dealing  far 
nd  wide. 


I  hold  that  the  silk  hat  is  the  corner-stone  of 
lodern  civilization.  Wherever  it  is  found,  there 
ou  have  art,  science,  literature  and  learning,  ag- 
culture,  the  mechanical  industries,  commerce, 
ublic  schools,  universities,  churches,  hospitals, 
lylums  and  organized  charities  ;  the  Sabbath  is 
jserved,  the  law  administered,  public  order  main- 
.ined,  and  there  is  a  general  respect  for  natural 
id  acquired  rights— in  a  word,  civilization.  The 
itions  that  know  not  the  silk  hat  are  sunk  in  bar- 
irism,  ignorance  and  superstition  ;  the  communi- 
es  that  revile  it  are  coarse,  profane  and  lawless, 
)ld  human  life  in  light  esteem  and  drink  immod- 
ate  quantities  of  noxious  whisky.  The  ages  that 
issed  before  its  invention  had  not  the  blessings  of 
earn,  knew  nothing  of  the  magnetic  telegraph, 
d  no  iron-clad  war-ships,  no  great  daily  news- 
pers  to  tell  people  how  good  and  wise  they  were, 
i  Wasp  to  Bhow  them  their  rascality  and  folly. 

(Let  us  rear  temples  to  the  silk  hat.  Let  us  main- 
n  a  priesthood  to  expound  the  beneficence  of  its 
fluence  upon  the  minds  of  men,  and  to  point  out 
e  awful  career  of  the  turban  and  other  malevo- 
lt  headgears,  ancient  and  modern.  Let  the 
unders  of  the  pulpit  be  leveled  at  the  sinful  de- 
;es  of  the  Adversary  in  our  midst — the  erime-in- 
jiring  "slouch,"  the  depraved  "billycock"  and 
js  worldly  "chip."  Let  the  sombrero  of  the 
fanger  within  our  gates  be  made  odious.  Our 
nies  should  move  to  battle  in  silk  hats,  under 
nners  emblazoned  with  a  silk  hat  inscribed,  "  In 
sign"  vinces."  Our  missionaries  should  eschew 
:ir  bibles  and  endeavor  to  introduce  the  silk  hat 
distant  and  benighted  lands.  Let  the  Salvation 
my  top  its  converts  with  the  sacred  "  tile," — for 
1  that  weareth  shall  have  everlasting  life,  but  the 
:ked  shall  be  turned  into  hell,  with  all  the  na- 
Ins  that  forgot  the  Silk  Hat. 


for  the  civilizing  effect  of  the  Christian  religion 
that  I  cannot  match  with  one  as  cogent  for  the  civ- 
ilizing influence  of  the  hat;  you  shall  not  show  a 
relation  of  Protestantism  to  Progress  that  I  cannot 
parallel  with  a  relation  between  Progress  and  the 
hat  of  silk.  If  I  mistake  the  meaning  and  perti- 
nence of  my  facts,  the  parsons  are  in  error  as  to 
the  lesson  and  relevance  of  theirs.  In  addition,  I 
can  cite  undisputed  historical  instances  where  re- 
ligion, Christianity,  Protestantism  have  sturdily 
opposed  the  march  of  science  and  civilization  ;  anil 
no  man  can  show  that  the  silk  hat  has  eve 
a  dead-line  across  the  path  of  Progress.  The  silk 
hat  is  consistent ;  it  shines  with  a  splendor  un- 
dimmed  by  any  deed  of  darkness,  and  in  the  broad 
blaze  of  its  divine  effulgence  false  creeds  and  mis- 
chievous  philosophies  are  consumed  utterly.  It  is 
a  beacon  to  every  mariner  weltering  in  seas  of 
doubt.  It  gilds  the  still  waters  that  lap  the  Isles 
of  the  Blest  in  havens  of  Faith,  and  throws  a  warn- 
ing glare  athwart  the  rocks  that  vex  the  harbor- 
mouth  to  gore  the  seeking  argosies.  It  is  the  Sun 
of  Righteousness,  and  he  who  would 

Pluck  bright  honor  fiom  the  pale-faced  moon, 

Or  with  polluted  finger  tarnish  it, 
Cowers  reverently  beneath  its  inaccessible  and  in- 
extinguishable flame  ! 


imsel  mi  ••  boned  "  Isslily  from  I  Meridge, 
Later,  when  the  sheets  ..f  three  hui 

struck  oir,  another  lonnet,  stolen  from  .,  well  known  En- 

i.  was  found.    The  sheets  wan  destroyed  and  the 

i  orinter  Wae  forced  a  third  time  to  make  up  the 
hook. 


^  on  may  smile  your  teeth  loose  and  uncover  them 
th  a  sneer,  but  you  shall  not  advance  an  argument 


I  know  not  if  'tis  true,  or  if  some  dream 
Begot  the  notion,  making  something  seem 

That,  was  not ;  but  I  here  relate  a  tale 
Of  men  whose  taste  in  tipple  I  esteem. 

George  Lette  and  Jo.  Tilden,  both  of  whom 
Are  gentlemen  in  the  meridian  bloom 

Of  manhood,  and  both  gourmet*  of  renown, 
Dined  at  a  table  in  the  selfsame  room. 

Paul  Neumann  sat  betwixt  them  at  the  board. 
As  corks  were  popping  and  the  wine  was  poured  ; 
And  when  the  revelry  was  at  its  height, 
"  Bring  us  a  bottle  of  Meligue  !  "  he  roared. 

The  waiter  dubiously  scratched  his  head  : 
"  We  do  not  keep  it  any  more,"  he  said  ; 

"  At  least— that  is "  "He  doesn't  know  the  wine," 

Sneered  Paul,  the  others  laughing  as  they  fed. 

"  Can't  get  it  in  the  town— at  least  I  know 
I  couldn't  find  it ;  what  I  have  I  owe 

To  the  great  kindness  of  a  friend  in  Kome," 
Said  Tilden,  sipping  tenderly  his  Clos. 

"  Nonsense  !  "  cried  Lette,  with  dry  Muinm  afoam  ; 
"  I've  two  full  cases  of  Meligue  at  home. 
I  never  drink  the  beastly  stuff  myself, 
But  bought  it  here  for  a  galoot  in  Rome." 

"  Meligue,  I  tell  you,  is  no  beastly  stuff  !  " 
.Roared  Tilden,  bridling  at  the  rude  rebuff. 

And  so  they  wrangled  for  an  hour  or  more, 
Till  Paul,  benignly  smiling,  said  :  "  Enough  : 

"  I  stated,  gentlemen,  three  times  before, 
But  was  unheeded  in  your  mad  uproar, 

That  'twas  Marsala  that  I  meant — Meligue, 
If  I  remember,  is  a  kind  of  ore." 

Strange  silence  fell  upon  the  group  :  then  .In. 
Said,  with  his  visage  rosily  aglow  : 

"  (if  course  you  meant  Marsala— so  did  1." 
George  added,  stammering  :     "  1  told  you  so." 

Two  or  three  months  ago,  when  the  town,  with 
rnixed  feelings  of  pity,  detestation  and  amusement, 
was  discussiug  Mr.  Warren  Cheney's  brazen  crime 
of  robbing  Mr.  E.  C.  Stedman's  literary  sluice- 
boxes  to  enrich  the  Warmeduverland  Monthly  and 
augment  Mr.  Cheney's  golden  glory,  the  San  Fran- 
cisco correspondent  of  the  New  York  Tribwie  made 
some  disagreeable  remarks  about  that  impenitent 
thief,  and  added  : 

A  ludicrous  case  of  the  like  literary  larceny  has  leaked 
out  at  the  State  University.     The  Berkeleyan  Society  re- 
cently made  arrangements  for  publishing  a  collection  of 
verse-  by  students.     While  the  volume  was  in  the  printer 
hands  it  was  discovered  that  one  of  the  sonnets  by  an  un-  ' 


The  volume  mentioned  bears  the  title  ol  I 
I  emeu,  and  with  singular  propriety  was  published 
by  the  concern  of  which  Mr.  Warren  Cheney  was 
the  managing  head.     Had  the  Berkeleyan  Society 
and  the  "  persons  of  authority  in  and  out  of  the 
College"  who   "revised  and  approved  the  whole 
selection,"  been  so  fortunate  as  to  have  submitted 
advance-sheets  to    my    inspection,  the  dug 
printer  would  have  had  his  disgust  deepened  bj  do- 
ing his  work  a  fourth  time.      There  were  not  only 
two  thieves  among  the  fledgling  poets  of  tin-  I  ,,, 
versity,  but  three.     To  the  exposure  of   the  third 
it  is  now  my  melancholy  duty  to  proceed  with  such 
tenderness    and    forbearance   as    his  youth   may 
rightly  claim. 


On  page  77  of  the  volume  mentioned  I  find,  under 
the  title  of  "Joaquin  Miller,"  the  following  brief 
parody  of  that  barbarian  bard's  inhuman  style  : 

I  said  to  myself  as  the  world  turned  round, 
Turned  over  and  over  like  a  man  in  bed  : 

I  will  git  up  and  git,  I  will  leave  the  ground, 
I'll  lift  myself  up  by  the  hair  of  my  head, 

By  the  marvelous  hair  of  my  head,  or  the  strength 

Of  a  song  that's  as  strong  and  of  greater  length. 

Yea  out  of  my  boots  like  a  sky-rocket  ;  yea, 
Up  out  of  the  Sun-land  I'll  shoot  as  I  sing  ; 

And  then  I  will  kiss  my  strong  hand  to  the  day, 
And  drink  of  the  sun  as  drinking  gin  sling, 

Till  Europe  rolls  under  me,  then  in  the  nick 

Of  time  I'll  stop  singing  and  drop  like  a  stick. 


To  these  verses,  and  to  their  title  in  the  table  of 
contents,  is  appended  the  name  Roscoe  Havens,  of 
whom  I  know  no  more  than  that  he  was  of  the  class 
of  '79.  The  versesl  wrotemyself  forthe  Argonaut; 
the}'  are  found  in  the  issue  of  that  paper  of  April 
l>,  1878,  under  the  head  of  "Prattle",  and  my 
name  is  not  Roscoe  Havens,  but  AmbroseC  Bierce. 
I  do  not  say  that  Mr.  Havens  has  pot  the  better 
name,  but  I  do  say  that  I  am  the  honester  man  ; 
and  I  venture  to  insist  that  this  deserter  from  the 
ranks  of  gentlemen,  who  absented  himself  with 
too  nimble  a  precipitancy  to  cover  up  his  tracks, 
shall  be  apprehended,  branded  and  compelled  to 
serve  out  his  term. 


The  verses  are  a  mere  trifle,  and  Mr.  Havens  is 
welcome  to  any  small  glory  with  which  his  theft  of 
them  may  have  crowned  his  thievish  nowl  in  the 
eyes  of  his  relations  and  personal  friends  ;  but  the 
incident  is  important  as  throwing  one  more  reveal- 
ing beam  upon  the  peculiar  standard  of  morality 
affected  by  the  undergraduates  and  alumni  of  the 
State  University.  So  far  as  I  can  learn,  the 
Temple  of  Science  at  Berkeley  is  a  nest  of  callow 
rascalettes  of  both  sexes  ;  and  if  the  trees  of  the 
academic  groves  thereabout,  like  those  of  Rinaldo's 

enchanted    forest,    enclose   a    d:< n    each,    their 

prisoned  intelligences  must  find  the  companionship 
of  these  unripe  malefactors  distinctly  insupportable. 

There  has  always  been  a  minority  of  very 
worthy  students  at  Berkeley.  Indeed,  I  remem- 
ber tbat  I  once  matched  moral  standards  with  one 
of  them,  and  hers  was  unmistakably — and  firmly — 
higher  than  my  own.  Honi  soit  gue  vial  y  pense  ; 
I  wanted  her  to  go  a-fishing. 


"  The  health  of  Bismarck  is  again  unsatis- 
factory."— Telegram.  What  !  has  the  fellow  _•> 
well  ( 


THE    WASP 


A    CLUB     IMPOSED     UPON, 


Prom  the  Chicago  "  Herald." 


Most  of  the  papers  yesterday,  morning  and  even- 
ing, contained  the  following  little  notice  of  a  so- 
called  "  social  event  "  : 

"  M.  H.  de  Young,  the  proprietor  of  the  San  Fran- 
cisco Chronicle,  was  entertained  at  the  Chicago  Club 
yesterday  afternoon.  There  were  present  Joseph 
Medill,  of  thr  Tribune,  W.  T.  Baker,  of  the  Board 
of  Trade  ;  Colonel  R,  C.  Clowry,  General  Superin- 
tendent of  the  Western  Union  Telegraph  Com- 
pany ;  C.  R.  Dennet,  of  the  Times  ;  William  Penn 
Nixon,  of  the  Inter-Ocean ;  W.  K.  Sullivan,  of  the 
Journal ;  Victor  F.  Lawson,  of  the  News  ;  Wash- 
ington Hesing,  of  the  Staats-Zeituna,  and  William 
Henry  Smith,  General  Agent  of  the  Associated 
Press.  The  lunch  was  elegant  and  the  affair  was  a 
pleasant  one." 

A.,  little  knot  of  Californians,  last  night,  at  the 
Palmer  House,  discussed  this  item  with  unusual 
glee.  One  of  them  had  it  cut  out  and  was  passing 
it  around.  Others  who  had  friends  in  the  Chicago 
Club,  and  who  respected  Mr.  Medill  and  Mr.  Clow- 
ry, of  the  Western  Union  Telegraph  Company,  re- 
garded it  as  incomprehensible  that  they  could  wil- 
lingly have  lent  their  presence  and  their  names  to 
any  such  affair.  "Jo.  Medill  and  Clowry  figuring 
in  an  entertainment  to  Mike  de  Young,"  said  one. 
"Nonsense."  "But  here  are  their  names,  and 
they  did  it  at  the  Chicago  Club,"  said  one  of  the 
party.  "  Oh,  well,  there  is  some  blunder  ahout  it, 
of  course.  Their  names,  and  that  of  the  club,  were 
either  used  without  warrant  or  elBe  they  were 
shamefully  imposed  upon.  Mike  de  Young  ! 
Whew  !  If  that  kind  of  thing  is  to  go,  we  shall 
next  hear  of  Fox,  of  the  Police  Gazette,  being  enter- 
tained at  the  Calumet  Club." 

A  Herald  reporter  yesterday  tried  to  find  out 
from  several  members  of  the  Chicago  Club  what  it 
all  meant.  No  one  knew.  No  one  that  he  inter- 
viewed had  had  any  hand  in  the  affair  and  they 
could  only  infer  that  a  certain  little  clique  had  got 
it  up  and  used  the  club  rooms  for  the  purpose. 
But  all  agreed  that  the  use  of  the  club's  name  and 
the  putting  forth  of  the  idea  that  Mr.  de  Young's 
entertainment  was  by  the  club  was  an  unwarrant- 
able liberty.  "  I  suppose,"  said  one  member, 
"  that  a  couple  of  people  who  belong  to  the  club 
invited  the  man  there  to  lunch,  and  so  it  got  into 
the  papers  as  a  big  thing.  But  I  can  assure  you 
the  club  had  nothing  to  do  with  it." 

How  Mr.  Medill  and  Mr.  Clowry  got  roped  into 
the  thing  is  another  mystery.  Both  are  gentlemen 
who  usually  select  their  compauy,  and  are  particu- 
lar not  to  allow  their  names  to  be  used  in  any 
questionable  way.  Mr.  Medill  is  thoroughly 
familiar  with  the  histoiy  of  the  De  Youngs  in  San 
Francisco,  and  no  person  so  wholly  lacking  in  social 
status  as  the  honored  "  Mike  "  could  ever  have  the 
opportunity  "of  meeting  Mr.  Medill  at  any  festive 
board,  to  say  nothing  of  having  the  latter's  name 
appear  in  print  as  a  host.  The  Californians  in 
Chicago  laughed  over  the  affair  yesterday,  and 
pitied  such  gentlemen  as  Medill,  Clowry,  Nixon, 
and  others  whose  names  had  been  roped  in  to  give 
the  "  entertainment  "  an  air  of  respectability.  The 
members  of  the  Chicago  Club,  who  know  nothing 
of  the  affair,  can  hardly  avoid  a  feeling  of  disgust 
that  their  rooms  and  the  name  of  their  club  have 
been  put  to  such  use.  No  club  in  San  Francisco 
would  ever  permit  Mr.  de  Young,  or  "  Mike,"  as 
he  is  best  known,  to  darken  its  doors.  Even  the 
Bohemian  Club,  a  free  and  easy  kind  of  affair, 
black-balled  him  on  its  first  occasion,  and  the  Ger- 
man Yerein  once  pointedly  denied  him  admis- 
sion to  a  banquet  which  he  tried  to  appear  as  a 
reporter.  "  The  De  Young's " — and  since  the 
murder  of  one  of  them  Mike  is  the  embodiment  of 
all  the  evil  in  them — were  always  regarded  on  the 
Pacific  Coast  as  social  outcasts.  Not  one  of  them 
was  ever  recognized  by  respectable  people,  and 
every  door  was,  of  course,  religiously  closed  on 
them.  Three  years  ago  Charles,  who  was  really 
the  head  and  front  of  the  gang  in  point  of  brains, 
was  killed  by  young  Kalloch,  and,  on  the  acquittal 
of  the  latter,  so  deep  was  popular  feeling  that  a 
crowd  of  5,000  people  took  the  horses  out  of  young 
Kalloch's  carriage  and  drew  it  in  triumph  through 
the  streets.  Charles  was  the  brains  of  the  paper, 
and  Mike,  its  present  owner,  was  a  mere  counting- 
room  clerk.  To  show  how  absurd  is  the  attitude  of 
the  so  called  "  journalists,"  who  lured  such  men  as 
Medill  and  Nixon  into  doing  "  Mike  "  honor,  it  is 
necessary  to  say  that   Mr.  de  Young   is   iii- 

.  ible  of  writing  a  line  for  publication.     He  never 


went  to  school  a  day,  spent  his  whole  youth  in  vice 
and  immorality,  and,  until  his  brether's  death,  was 
the  butt  of  the  city.  About  three  years  ago  "Mike" 
went  to  Europe,  came  back  with  a  big  pair  of  side 
whiskers,  bought  (out  of  his  brother's  money)  a  fine 
house,  furnished  it  up,  and  made  a  dead  set  to  get 
into  society.  He  gave  a  "  house  warming  " — that 
is,  the  house  would  have  been  heated  if  anybody 
had  come  to  the  show.  Out  of  250  invitations 
issued,  just  four  were  responded  to  in  person. 
That  broke  poor  Mike  all  up,  and  he  fled  to  the 
East  to  work  off  his  disgust. 

That  De  Young,  who,  by  inheritance,  happens  to 
own  a  prominent  San  Francisco  paper,  but  who  can 
no  more  write  for  print  than  Lawson,  of  the  News ; 
who  has  no  social  status  ;  who  has  been  blackballed 
and  denied  even  a  visitor's  privilege  in  every  club 
in  San  Francisco  ;  whose  antecedents  are  low  and 
vulgar,  and  whose  surroundings  have  been  the  com- 
mon talk  of  the  Pacific  Coast,  should  be  entertained 
at  so  respectable  a  club  as  the  Chicago,  and  the 
names  of  respectable  gentlemen  lugged  in  to  give 
the  thing  prominence,  is  inscrutable.  Most  cer- 
tainly the  members  of  the  club  who  took  no  part 
in  the  affair  cannot  help  a  feeling  of  indignation 
that  their  club  should  have  been  used  to  give  noto- 
riety to  so  unworthy  an  object. j 


THE     BARBER     ON    THE     GOOD     OLD      DAYS, 


"  Vot's  der  use  of  beople  dalking  apowd  '  der 
goot  olt  dimes  ?  '  Efen  my  den-cent  gusdimers 
enchoy  pedder  dings  as  to  der  nopility  pelonged 
dwo  hundert  year  ago.  Choost  mak  an  example  uf 
my  house  vich  I  lif  in.  It  is  mit  hot  und  colt 
vorter,  gas,  a  path  tub,  stationary  dubs,  a  l'ankee 
glock,  garbets,  a  sewing  machine,  und  a  hundred 
leedle  dings  browided,  vich  not  efen  a  rich  chendle- 
man  got  in  der  goot  olt  times,  ven  effrypoddy  vot 
vo8  not  a  briest  or  a  lort,  vos  to  der  briests  und  der 
lorts  a  slafe,  yet. 

"  Yy,  I  haf  got  lipraries,  bicture  galleries,  bleas- 
ure  barks,  and  museums  pedder  as  many  a  boor 
miserable  king  has  hat  ;  und  dem  to  me  pelong 
choost  as  much  as  anypoddy.  Py  chimany  hooky  ! 
I  can  to  Goney  Islant  in  pelder  sdyle  vent  as  der 
King  of  Chermany  used  to  draffel  to  bay  his  res- 
beets  to  der  Bope  of  Rome  ;  und  now  dot  der 
Letchislature  has  shud  up  und  vent  home,  alretty, 
id  is  safe  uf  der  elefated  railrotes  to  speak.  Dem 
been  choost  abowd  tifdeen  miles  an  hour  ahead  uf 
anydings  der  goot  olt  times  among.  For  dree 
mondths  I  peen  sheared  dem  Letchislature  vellers 
vould  a  pill  bass  making  dwendy  cents  der  fare  yet. 
(I  dell  you  der  people  nefl'er  gwide  safe  feel  vile  der 
Letchisladure  is  in  session.) 

"  Dalk  apowd  bictures  in  der  good  old  dimes  ! 
Vy,  my  wife  der  day  beckvorts  of  lasd  Duesday, 
vent  owid  to  git  a  baper  of  pins,  und  came  home 
beck  again  mit  der  dwo  uf  her  arms  full  of  brettier 
gromos  as  vos  a  hundert  years  ago  der  balace  of  a 
King  inside.  I  dolt  her  she  vos  a  more  brouder 
voomans  as  Gween  Elizabeth,  und  she  sayt  she 
ditn't  seen  how  der  vimmen  use  to  lif  mithout  dem 
hat  a  shonee  to  run  Sext  Affenoo  up  an'  down  a 
gupple  dimes  a  veek  to  gatch  der  pargains,'  but  I 
dink  it  vos  der  pargains  vot  catch  my  vife. 

' '  Yon  dink  dot's  a  choke  ?  Yell  in  der  barber 
shop  may  be  it's  a  choke,  but  tond  you  dake  it 
home  mit  you.  I  dolt  it  to  my  vife  once,  alretty, 
but  it  habbened  choost  abowd  a  second  in  front  of 
der  piggest  oxcidement  effer  vos  in  my  family. 
Der  beople  fife  plocks  arount  got  somehow  der  im- 
bression  der  Poard  of  Emigration  vos  meeding  in 
my  house. 

"  Chokes  are  like  tire  tirevorks,  you  got  to  votch 
owid  vhere  you  shood  'em  off.  Dot  monkey 
barber  py  der  negst  shair  lie  in  a  Chermau  dene- 
lueiit  lifs.  vhere  is  much  free  Bbeech  apowd  der 
Irish  made  all  der  vile.  He  vos  so  much  a  schack 
donkey  dot  he  prought  avay  from  dot  house  a 
leedle  choke  der  parber  shop  insite  alretty.  Dot 
gost  me  a  tifdeen  cent  gusdimer,  dwo  den  cent  gus- 
dimers und  der  assisdance  uf  der  Irish  poot  black 
vich  vonted  to  lick  der  monkey  parber,  und  had  to 
peen  dis-sharged.  Der  choke  vos  'vy  is  der  Irish 
like  der  letter  E  1  Pecause  dem  got  to  be  in  eti'ery- 
ding.' 

"  Only,  der  monkey  parber  nodiced  der  dwo 
E's,  yet,  urd  dried  to  imbrove  der  choke.  He  sayt 
'  Pecause  dere  peen  dwice  doo  much  uff  'em  in 
efferyding.'  " — N.    Y.  Sun. 


Clerk  (looking  at  the  clock  whicli  hangs  in  ihe 
office). — Zounds  !  I  have  sat  here  the  whole  fore- 
noon and  it  is  j  ust  half -past  ten  ! 


THE     OTHER    WORLD, 


Persons  who  would  otherwise  be  accused  of  down- 
right egotism  may  talk  about  themselves  half  an 
hour  at  a  prayer  meeting  without  criticism. 


A  Pennsylvania  Protectionist  was  shocked  when 
he  went  to  church  the  other  day  and  heard  the 
minister  announce  that  salvation  was  free.  The 
next  day  he  sat  down  and  wrote  to  his  Congress, 
man  asking  why  in  the  mischief  he  allowed  it  to  es- 
cape the  Tariff  bill. 

The  Hindoos  believe  it  was  Adam  who  sinned 
and  led  Eve  astray.  The  Hindoos  should  be  pro- 
vided with  bibles  at  once. 


The  editor  of  the  Texas  Baptist  recently  read  on 
a  tombstone  in  a  neighboring  town  this  inscription : 
"  John,  the  husband  of  Mrs.  ." 


Preacher  (a  rririiaj  drenched). — "  What  shall  I  do 
Mrs.  MacGregor  ?    I  am  wet  through  and  through.' 

Old  Scotchwoman. — ' '  Get  into  the  pulpit  as  sunt 
as  ye  can.     Ye'll  be  dhry  eno'  there." 


It  is  reported  by  some  who  have  "  been  there  ' 
that  persons  going  fishing  in  the  remote  portions  o 
Florida  "  always  leave  Sunday  at  Jacksonville  "- 
to  prevent  breaking  it. 


There  is  much  truth  in  a  statement  attributed  t< 
Cardinal  Newman  that  some  preachers  are  "  lik- 
men  who  lash  the  waters  to  frighten  the  fish  whei ' 
they  have  made  no  preparation  to  catch  them." 

It  costs  money  to  belong  to  the  Salvation  Army 
A  "brother's"  uniform,  including  a  helmet,  cosili 
§15.50.     The  overcoat  costs  §14.     The  price  of  th  | 
"  sister's  "  uniform  varies  from  §4  to  $10,  accorc 
ing  to  the  amount  of  trimmings. 


An  orator,  at  a  meeting  held  for  the  purpose  i 
raising  money  to  endow  an  asylum  ior  the  blind, 
pathetically  exclaimed  :  "  If  the  world  were  blind! 
what  a  melancholy  sight  it  would  be  !  " 


The  Baptist  Standard  tells  us  that  a  Romis 
priest  once  said  to  Dr.  Henson  :  "  You,"  signifi 
ing  the  Baptists  in  distinction  from  other  denom 
nations,  "  you  are  at  one  end  of  the  line  and  it 
are  at  the  other.  We  are  consistently  right  ;  yc 
are  consistently  wrong.  All  these  intermedia' 
fellows  will  have  to  come  over  to  us  or  go  over  i 
you." 


It  seems  necessary  to  explain  a  passage  in  Re 
J.  Hyatt  Smith's  letter,  in  which  he  says  :  "Iho 
the  key  of  the  position  of  the  future. "  Mr.  Smi, 
had  no  intention  of  conveying  the  idea  that  £j 
Peter  had  resigned  his  office. 


How    the    deacon    blundered  :   "I    think    t, 
millennium    must    be   approaching,"    remarked; 
Harlem    man    to   a   deacon.      "What   makes  y; 
think  so  ?  "  asked  the   good  old  man.      "  Becai 
when  the  contribution  box  reached  your  pew  yi 
terday  you  dropped  in  a  five  dollar  gold  piece   j 
stead  of  your  usual  donation  of  a  nickel. "     "On 
Scott  !  "  exclaimed    the    deacon,    turning    pal ' 
"  why,  I  thought  I  put  in  only  a   new  two  C( 
piece  that  I  found  on  the  street  the  other  day 


Major  Gates  Faxom  bought  a  horse  from  I 
pastor  of  an  Austin  church,  and  shortly  afterwi 
the  following  conversation  was  heard  :  "  You  lu 
swindled  me  with  that  horse  you  sold  me  I 
week."  "  How  so  /  "  asked  the  clergyman,  vi 
much  surprised.  "  Well,  I  only  had  him  forth 
days  when  he  died."  "  That's  very  strange 
owned  him  twenty-three  years  and  worked  I 
hard  every  day,  and  I  never  knew  him  to  do  tl 
while  I  owned  him." 


A  good  old  Methodist  parson  in  Illinois  attemp 
to  plough  a  little  the  other  day,  his  hired  man  h    ""■•» 
ing  failed  to  appear.     He  worked  away  for  a  wh    ^ 
geeing  and  hawing,  with  good  heart,  but  at.  last '  ^^ 
threw  himself  under  a  tree,  and,   as  he  wiped  ' 
perspiration  from  his  glowing  face,  gave  uttera  '  g, 
to  the  following  soliloquy  :   "  About  the  only  t  ' 
way  of  testing  the  religious  qualities  of  a  pri 
is  to  let  him  plough  half  a  day  with  a  yoke  of  o>    jo  < 
If  he  don't  commence  to  swear  at  them  in  less  I 
fifteen  or  twenty  minutes  his    '  solidity  '  with 
promised  land  is  to  be  envied. " 


THE    WASP. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  and  well  known  bouse  of  J.  W.  Tuoker  &  Co. 
Mi  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
r'rieudt*  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


LYDIA  E.  PIIMKHAIM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND, 


1-  B   PopII 


For  nil  thoite  Piilnful  Coiuplulnt«ann  Weaknesses 
do  common  to  our  bent  fcmule  population. 

A  Hcftlelne  for  Woman.     Invented  by  a  Woman. 
Prepared  by  a  Woman. 

Tiif.  GriitMt  Hertlral  Dfaovorj   *inr.- tin-   Diwo  of  History. 

tyit  revives  the  drooping  spirits,  invigorates  and 
tL'irmonizM  the  organic  functions,  gives  elasticity  and 
firmness  to  the  step,  restores  t  lie  natural  lustre  to  the 
eye,  and  i>buts  on  the  pale  cheek  •  •  i  woman  the  fresh 
rows  of  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
£a?^  Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe  It  Freely  ■%& 

It  removes  faint nosa,  flatulency,  destroys  all  eravlng 
for  stimulant,  and  relievos  weakness  of  the  .stomach. 

That  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  its  use. 

For  tfao  cure  of  Kidney  Complaint*  of  cither  sex 

this  Compound  In  unsurpassed. 

LYDIA  E.  PIXKIIASTS  BLOOO  PURIFIER 

will  eradicate  every  veHigo  of  Eumura  Irom  the 
Blood,  and  give  tone  and  stn-ngth  (o  the  system,  of 
man  woman  or  child.    Insist  on  having  iU 

Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  235  Western  A-enue,  Lyun,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  8L  Sbr  bottles  for  §5.  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  $1  per  box 
for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham  freely  answers  all  letters  of 
Inquiry.   Enclose  3et.  stamp.    Send  fur  pamphlet. 

No  fomilv  should  be  without  LYDIA  E.  PINKHASTS 
LTVEB.  PILLS.  They  cure  constipation,  liillousneea, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    25  cents  per  box. 

43-Soldby  all  Druggists.- a. ft        0) 


X2T  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Wcakytss.  l.ir  ui  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  ysuthful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle  or  g  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.   0.  SALFIELDt 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.     Communications  strictly 
confident  iaL 


KIDNEY-WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

KIDNEY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  book  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that.you  are  a  victim  P  THEN  DO  KOT> 
HTESTCAOXE;  use  Kddney-W«qt  at  Mce,  Ctfrag- 
£  gists  recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  hcarthy  action. 
I  «  fl  j  AC  For  complaints  peculiar 
UOUIvOo  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safoly. 

EitherSex.  Incontinence,  retention  of  urine, 
brielc  dust  or  ropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power, 
43-    SOLD  BY  ALL  DB.TTGOIST3.    Price  81. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


$72 


A  WEEK.     $12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  Tkue  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6OQ  KKABNT  BTBBET,  8A» 
oj<0  Francisco— Established 
for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
1 1  imand 

I  Ability,  or  diseases  wearing  on' bod; 
and  mind,  permanently  cured.  The 
stok  and  niuieted  should  not  fail  to 
call  upon  him.  Tbe  Doctor  osb  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in. 
specteo  thoroughly  the  various  hos. 
pltale  there,  obtaining  a  gTeat  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
ot  hiB  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  & 
ooxe.  Persons  at  a  distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonaule.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  19B7.  San  Fran* 
olsco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


tilmwood,    Ulemvood,    Hudson  and  Our  Clioiee. 


nON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
u  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  ore  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  mode  from  selected 
^tock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of.  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shell,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f 'g  Co. 

Address   Orders  and   Letters  of   In- 
quiry to  : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


0.  HERRMANN  &  00. 

11iF.nun.lW    The    Halter.) 

WILL  uive  roc 

A.    Better    Hat 

Fur  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coast.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny—Street,      336. 

Between   Bu*h   anil   Pine,  Sun  Francisco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT' S 

COMPOUND    EXTRACTS 

—  ot  — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

impound  ^  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com 
Lining  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medi<  .,f  the 

i  tabebs  and  Copaiba,  One  recom- 
mendation this  preparation  enjon 
over  all  others  a  it*  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pofaa ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  :i 
■■'  ■  I  isteleae  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared unly  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

1 1      |  i-t  and  Chemiate.  278  and  2*<)  Greenwich  street. 
\ew\ork.  FOB  SALE  By  Aj.l  DBU0GI8T6. 


'A!  RES  ALL  PAINS  :  NICE    TO     USE! 


BI101>F,»  A  CO.,  B-ruggints,  San  .lose,  (  .illinium. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


- 

Dr.zeile's  institute 

r 

X 

SB 
H 

* 
2 

'•m 

Established    is.-.;. 
Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 

anil  BEST 

:b  j^.  t  ih:  s 

; 

On  the  Pacifk  i  !oast. 

> 

• 

r. 

1TRKIS1I,     RUSSIAN,     STEAM,     SHI  rill  It 
or  .iiinr   Medicated   Batlia. 

Z 

FOR    LADIES    AND   GENTLEMEN. 

"  itaT  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),  No*.  SW,  5*1,  5*6 
mid  5?8  Pacini'  Street,  near  Commercial  Hotel,  bctwueu 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Carl  Zeile'a 
Drugstore.  Oi>cn  from  7  A,  u.  to  S  r.  M,,  Sundays  till  3  p.  m. 
Private  rooms  .or  patients, 
X.   B.  -Dr.  ZeUe's  Institute  and  Baths  wort-  established  in  1852. 

^INSURE    IN    THE     BEST,      i1 

Total  Income  \enrly  Twelve  Million  Dollaro.    raid  Iw 
Policy    Holder*,  over  Seven    Million    thdlnr*. 

"  The   Old    and    Reliable  " 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY, 

Total  Assets,        -       -       -         850,550,981.65 
Total    Income,         -       -       -     Sill.lM, I  !:;.«> 
ReUaSle  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishine;  a  s;ife  and  secure    Life   Policy,  at  liberal  terms, 
.•an  apply  to 

A.  G.  HAWES,  Manager  ior  Paeifie  Coast. 
.'  ;o  Suusonic  street,       ...      h;ui  Frunvlseo. 


N 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurance  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

SCOTTISH  UNION 

and    National 

Insurance   Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 

IIAG4.N  A  M AMI tlTt.  MA4'I»0\AM»  Jt  Bints, 

City  Agents,  Uenrnil  Agents, 

401  California  Street,  '■137  Snnsoiuc  Htreel, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  R.  Mack arl ants. 


Gbo.  W.  MackariiANR, 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIKE-I'BOOF    BIILDIXi, Si    mi.KH     STBKKT, 

llonolu.il,   llawnitait   l>lanJ>. 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


10 


THE      WASP- 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


BRTJCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th. 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5,  Board,  per  week,  $4. 
Meals,  25  cents.  £&  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
band.  '    ' 

(mOLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL&  HOSS,  Jr., 
■  Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Saera- 
J  mento.      Christ.  "Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 

CLATJSS    &   WEKTHEIMS"    BOCA    BEER    Ex- 
change.    Sole  agency  for  the  Boca  Brewing  Company. 
Large  Bottling  Establishment.     Orders  promptly  at- 
tended to.     411  J  street,  Sacramento,  CaL 

DR.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHERRY  TONIC  In- 
creases the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purifies  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  S^  No  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  &  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of  I 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  EOR   "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


TRNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


BURN, 
but 
Cur 


FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  ^Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co, .  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGLNGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture,  t&f  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, CaL 

GROWERS  OF  SEEDS  AND  TREES— W.  R. 
Strong  &  Co. ,  Commission  Merchants  and  dealers  in 
Farm  Produce;  Fruits  at  wholesale  ;  also,  general 
Nurserymen  and  growers  of  the  choicest  Seeds,  Trees,  etc. 
tfSTOne  of  the  oldest  and  most  reliable  houses  on  the  Pa- 
cific Coast.  Catalogue  free  on  application.  J  street,  near 
Front,  Sacramento,  CaL 

HWACHHORST  {Signof  theTown Clock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
■  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  SSs"  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  and  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  Cal. 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     £2TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 

SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
ished  in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  £^T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


STATE  HOUSE,  COR.  K  AND  10TH  iNEAR  THE 
State  Capitol)  one  of  the  most  home-like  hotels  in  the 
city.  Good  rooms,  good  table.  Board  and  Lodging, 
S6  to  S12  per  week.  Family  Rooms,  SI  to  $2.50.  Meals, 
25  cents.  Free  omnibus.  Street  cars  pass  the  house  every 
5  minutes.     H.  Eldred,  proprietor. 


TTTM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
YY    Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  anH   Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


DEALERS  _IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310   Sansome   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


CONSUMPTION 


I  hare  a.  positive  re. 
medy  for  the  above  dis- 
ease ;  by  Its  use  thoas- 
_  andd  ol  cases  of  tlie 
worst  bind  and  of  longstanding  have  been  cured.  Iudeed-so  stroma 
is  mytalth  lu  its  efficacy,  that  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  JFREE,  to- 
gether with  a  TiLTJABLE  TREATISE  on  ihta  diseise.  to  anyaufler- 
er  "Give Express  &  P.O.  address  DR.T.  A-  SLOCUM,  161  Pearl  St.,  K.Y, 


"    HEMSY    TIETJEN. 
->.<-.HEfi?tY  AHRENS.  'r'.?£.     TM.V.BORSTEL. 


-St  //,'/  _./ 


^ESTNEAI?  POL* 


l/<!lstS  '&.  /-  /■ 


CALIFORNIA  WIND  MILLS.    ALFRED  NOAK, 
agent  for  the  best  California  Windmills  and  Tanks. 
Strongest  and  best  made  ;  325  and  327  Main  street, 
Stockton.     P.  O.  Box,  312.     &&  Send  for  price  list. 

GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  Kl  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail.  John  Cai:,e,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 


HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
•  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  eta  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  aSTPrin- 
eipal  office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  /opp.  the 
Courthouse)  Stockton. 

THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  J^THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  pruprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS*  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


/ETNA 

Hot  Mineral  Spring's 


NOW       OPEN 


Situated  16  miles  east  of  St.  Helena,  in  Pope  Valley, 
Sonoma  County. 
&£T  These  waters  closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany 
in  analysis  and  salutary  effects. 

Board  and  Butlis,  #10  per  Week. 
The  .Etna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  daily 
'Sundays  excepted)  at  1  P,  M.,  connecting  with  the  8  A. 
M.  train  from  San   Franeisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs 
at   5:30  P.  M.     Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlets  to 
W.    H.    LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 

Merced      Exchangee. 


MESSES.     SCHUUK     &     FOWLER     HAVING 
leased  the  premises  corner  Montgomery  and  Wash- 
ington streets,  have  fitted  up  the  same  as  a  FIRST 
CLASS  SALOON  and  OYSTER  HOUSE. 

SOW    ©PES     TO     THE     I'!  BMC. 


CARDS 


NewStyles:  Gold  leveled- Jidgean* 
Chroino  Visiting  Curds  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  tourist  prices,  50 
cJiromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 


with eachorUer.  (Jusio.v  lisos.  &  Co.,CUntoiivUle,ConiL. 


SPRING    1SS3. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Plunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  So. 

Ask  for  "Brook's'"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  *'  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

A  true  friend  to  the  weak  and  convalescent  is  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters. 


VITALITY 


RESTORED. 


n  R-    LIEBIG'S  WONDERFUL  GERMAN  INVIG- 

l-r  ORATOR  has  cured  more  cases  of  Nervous  and  Physical 
Debility,  Los?  of  Vitality  and  Weakness  than  all  other  remedies 
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THE    WASP. 


11 


PEASE-PORRIDGE. 


Mr  Pease  is  engaged  in  the  India-rubber  trade. 
The  other  day,  haviug  married,  or  being  about  to 
marry,  he  went  East.  Previously  to  his  departure, 
Colonel  Fred.  Crocker  gave  him  a  dinner  at  the 
Union  Club,  at  which  a  number  of  gentlemen 
assisted  in  the  character  of  supplementary  guests. 
The  dinner  was  a  good  one — what  a  newspaper 
reporter  would  call  a  "  banquet  "  or  "a  magnificent 
repast,''  and  dignify  as  "  a  tasty  affair  "  and  "  an 
occasion  long  to  be  remembered."  The  tipple  was 
excellent,  the  provend  toothsome,  and  the  courses 
followed  one  another  in  orderly  and  approved  suc- 
cession. Toasts,  responses  and  volunteer  speeches 
all  were  characterized  by  that  decorous  and  desir- 
able stupidity  that  gives  inspiration  without  en- 
thusiasm and  repose  without  syncope.  In  short, 
everything — Tiearly  everything— was  as  nice  as  a 
cotton  hat.  But  the  host  being  a  Crocker,  the 
trail  of  the  serpent  had  to  be  somewhere  manifest  ; 
shoddy  could  not  be  wholly  excluded  nor  the  shop 
entirely  denied — the  menu  was  printed  on  slips  of 
India-rubber  !  Whether  this  neat,  thoughtful, 
delicate  and  appropriate  attention  commanded  the 
approval  of  Mr.  Pease  we  are  not  advised  ;  under 
the  circumstances  he  could  not  very  well  resent  it, 
however  imperfectly  instructed  in  the  solemn 
mysteries  of  Crockerian  taste  and  Frederician 
humor.  Since  Senator  Sharon  fed  his  friends  and 
had  the  m6nu  inscribed  on  silver  tablets  of  which 
each  guest  received  one  as  a  memorial  gift  to  keep 
the  great  argentine  host's  munificence  green  in  the 
memory,  there  has  been,  we  believe,  no  entirely 
faultless  bit  of  similar  vulgarity  but  this  ;  and  this 
was  in  one  respect  superior.  Silver  is  at  least 
odorless,  whereas  the  rubber  menu  speaks  of  the 
shop  to  both  the  eye  and  the  nose. 


MAZEPPA. 


The  proprietors  of  a  saloon  at  the  corner  of 
Washington  and  Montgomery  streets  were  arrested 
the  other  day  for  maintaining  an  indelicate  picture 
on  their  outer  wall.  The  work  of  art  in  question — 
the  questionable  work  of  art,  as  it  were — was  by 
Mr.  Swan,  the  well-known  Old  Master.  It  was  of 
life  size,  and  represented  "  Mazeppa  "  tied  to  the 
back  of  an  impossible  horse  executing  an  unthink- 
able leap  across  a  valley.  "  Mazeppa  "  was  drawn 
as  a  naked  female,  and  the  proprietors  were 
arrested,  not  because  she  was  a  female,  but 
because  she  was  naked.  So  Mr.  Swan  painted 
some  drapery  on  her,  and  she  now  looks 
as  if  she  were  struggling  out  of  a  bag  of 
wool  and  had  kicked  the  bottom  out.  No  doubt 
Mr.  Swan  and  his  publican  patrons  could  be  held 
on  a  graver  charge  than  indelicacy,  and  we  recom- 
mend that  they  be  indicted  for  ignorance.  There 
is  an  intelligible  though  unmentionable  reason  why 
the  part  of  '"Mazeppa"  in  a  play  should  be  performed 
ry  a  woman  ;  there  is  no  reason  why  a  painting  on 
a  wall  should  partake  of  that  error.  "  Mazeppa  " 
had  apparently  about  as  little  of  the  woman  in  him 
as  any  character  iu  literature  ;  and  it  ought  to  be 
made  a  felony  to  perpetuate  the  disagreeable  stage 
tradition  in  mural  paintings  by  so  great  an  artist 
as  the  incomparable  Swan — who  ought  to  be  satis- 
tied  with  his  achievement  of  reversing  the  sex  of 
■  ■ne  of  the  Apostles  in  that  wonderful  painting  of 
"  The  Last  Supper,"  which  is  erroneously  ascribed 
to  Leonardo  da  Vinci. 


COGSWELL'S      FOUNTAINS, 


H.  G.  Cogswell  threatens  to  erect  several  more 
fountains  in  various  parts  of  the  city  if  he  can  get 
the  sites  granted  for  the  purpose  by  the  municipal 
authorities.  If  they  are  going  to  be  merely  un- 
sightly advertising  dodges,  like  the  one  which  im- 
mortalizes Dr.  Cogswell's  bad  taste  at  the  junction 
of  Montgomery  avenue  and  Kearay  street  it  would 
be  well  to  build  them  underground  and  keep  them 
carefully  corked  up.  It  doesn't  cost  much  to  erect 
a  cheap  fountain,  but  there's  a  heap  of  money  in  it 
for  the  builder  if  he  can  get  permission  to  paint  his 
precious  monument  two  or  three  times  a  year.  On 
such  occasions  up  goes  a  monstrous  board  fence, 
which  for  several  weeks  disfigures  and  blocks  up 
the  thoroughfare,  but  it  is  a  perfect  bonanza  to  its 
owner  from  the  advertisements  painted  on  it.  To 
have  the  privilege  of  thus  "  preserving  "  four  or 
five  fountains  in  different  parts  of  the  city  would 
give  Dr.  Cogswell  a  very  handsome  revenue  all  the 
year  around. 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS, 

Ill-timed  economy  i*  often  worse  than  extravagance  . 
and  especially  is  thi-  the  case  in  theatrical  engaj 
for  there  it   is   apt  to  mar  in  their  minor  ••tTecU  atage 
pictures  that  in  their  central  I  horoughly  good- 

The  performance  of    I     I  %  at  the  Baldwin,  has 

not  been  in  all  respects  satisfactory  :  for  which  I 
management  of  the  Modjeeka  company  U  entirely  to 
blame.  A  play  so  strung  in  its  every  line  and  so  well 
known  to  its  every  audience  should  not  be  slighted  even 
in  its  smallest  details  of  speech  and  action.  This  is 
markedly  true  when  the  principal  parts  are  taken  by 
actors  whose  excellence  italicizes  the  errors  of  their  sup 
port.  In  the  cast  at  the  Baldwin  the  "Celia"  of  Miss 
Drew  and  the  "  Orlando  "  of  Mr.  Barrymore  have  been 
very  good.  The  "  Adam  "  of  Mr.  Osborne  and  the 
"  Touchstone  "  of  Mr.  Owens  acceptable,  the  "  Jacques  " 
of  Mr.  Perkins  passable,  and  the  rest  of  the  part-  un- 
worthy of  mention.  Among  these  dingy  surroundings- 
and  in  places  blurred  by  their  too  prominent  incapacity, 
we  see  Modjeska,  a  finished  picture  of  exquisite  art.  At 
first  her  foreign  accent,  which  becomes,  of  course,  more 
pronounced  in  the  Shakespearean  lines,  jars  slightly  upon 
the  ear,  but  ere  long  her  excellence  of  reading  and  grace 
of  action  cause  this  to  be  forgotten,  and  we  linger  with 
pleasure  on  her  every  word,  and  watch  with  delight  her 
every  movement.  One  of  her  greatest  charms  lies  in  the 
fact  that  she  is  so  thoroughly  a  ladv  in  everything  she 
does,  so  free  from  all  that  is  coarse  in  look  or  action,  so 
modest  where  others  are  bold,  30  quietly  playful  where 
others  are  noisily  frisky.  And  then  her  presence  is  so 
attractive,  with  her  intellectual  face,  and  lithe,  swan-like 
figure,  which  in  seeming  unconciousness  molds  itself  in 
graceful  lines,  expressive  of  each  thought.  Her  "  Kosa 
lind  "  is  full  of  exquisite  sentiment,  tender  sympathy,  and 
sprightly  humor,  and  will  always  be  remembered  as  a  de- 
lightful expression  of  Shakespeare's  ideaL  As  before 
suggested,  Mr.  Barrymore  gives  a  manly  and  very  satis- 
factory presentation  of  the  young  "  Orlando,"  and  Miss 
Drew  shows  decided  talent  in  the  part  of  "  Celia."  The 
remainder  of  the  support  have  improved  during  the  week, 
but  for  all  that  the  performance  still  lacks  completeness. 
The  public  appreciate  the  fact,  and  will  certainly  be  bet- 
ter pleased  with  those  plays  to  follow  in  which  Modjeska 
will  be  unencumbered  by  an  army  of  incompetents. 
Next  week  will  be  divided  between  Frou-Frou  and 
Twelfth  Night. 

The  engagement  of  Lawrence  Barrett  at  the  California 
has  so  far  proved  very  successful.  Yorick's  Lovt  has  been 
greatly  strengthened  since  it  was  first  produced  here,  un- 
der the  title  of  A  New  Play,  and  as  now  presented  by  the 
Barrett  troupe  is  a  thoroughly  enjoyable  performance. 
This  is  due  less  to  the  lines  of  the  piece,  however,  than  to 
the  manner  of  its  handling  by  a  company  that  has  been 
carefully  drilled  in  every  word  and  gesture,  until  a  result 
of  unusual  symmetry  has  been  accomplished.  One 
drawback  exists  in  the  fact  that  the  drillmaster  has 
trained  his  pupils  so  closely  after  his  own  style  that  there 
is  a  lack  of  individuality  among  the  characters.  Yet,  as 
this  copartnership  tone  of  action  and  declamation  is  good, 
the  fault  is  not  only  excusable,  but  even  acceptable,  as  a 
contrast  to  the  slovenly  performances  given  as  a  rule  by 
the  traveling  companies  of  to-day.  From  this  charge  of 
lacking  individuality,  Mr.  Louis  James  is,  of  course,  ex- 
cepted, for  he  is  an  actor  of  recognized  ability  and  of  pro- 
nounced character.  His  part  of  "Master  Heywood  "  is 
a  pleasing  one,  and  it  is  pleasantly  rendered.  The  play 
has  been  intensified  in  action,  dialogue  and  incident  ;  a 
fact  that  is  especially  noticeable  in  the  part  of  "  Yorick," 
in  which  Mr.  Barrett  makes  a  most  favorable  impression. 
In  the  first  act  he  used  to  play  the  role  of  an  indulgent 
guardian  who  divided  his  affection  about  equally  between 
"  Alice  "  and  his  adopted  son,  while  now  he  evidently  con- 
centrates upon  his  young  wife  the  earnest  love  of  middle 
age,  and  gives  to  "  Edmund  "  a  prominently  second  place 
in  his  heart.  Mr.  Barrett  is  to  be  congratulated  upon  his 
happy  conception  of  the  role,  to  which  he  has  added 
strength  and  dramatic  interest.  Miss  Marie  Wainwright 
suffers  somewhat  by  comparison  with  Jeffreys -Lewis, 
whose  "  Alice  "  is  still  fresh  in  the  memory  of  our  thea- 
ter-goers, but  on  the  whole  she  plays  the  part  acceptably, 
and  in  some  places  with  vigor.  Mr.  Otis  Skinner  makes 
a  good  "Edmund,"  and  Mr.  F.  C.  Mosely  does  well  with 
the  ungracious  part  of  "Master  Walton."  A  word  of 
praise  is  due  to  Mr.  B.  G.  Rogers  for  his  excellent  char- 
acter sketch  in  the  last  act.  Yorick's  Love  is  handsomely 
mounted  in  its  every  detail,  and  deserves  the  success  that 

has  been  accorded  it.     Franct  " i •"' 

for  the  next  piece  on  the  California  programme. 


The  Bush  Street  has  dons  «,  fair  business  during  the 
week  with  Scanlan  in  Friend  and  /*■-,  but  not  toi 
over-crowd  the  coffers  of  that  establishment    Thi 
time  at  Least,  is  the  la*t  of  their  experimental  attractions, 
for  they  open  with  the  Wyndham  I 
Monday  next,  and  if  that  company  in  toy  measure  de- 
^rv'-  t]"  have  been  lavished  on  them  in  the 

East,  it   is  certain  that  they  will   pack  the  I  - 
every  week  of  their  stay. 

The   Minstrels,  as  usual,  have  been   playing 
houses  at  the  Standard,  and  will  probably  continue  to  do 
so,  as  they  are  constantly  offering  burnt-cork  novelties  to  ■ 
the  patrons  of  sketches  in  black  and  white. 

On  Thursday  next  Mr.  Benjamin  "'lark,  the  favorite 
nor,  will  be    "benefitted"  at  Piatt's   Ball,  as  a 
preliminary  step  to  a  trip  Eastward.     He  will  be 
by  the  best  musical  talent  of  San  Francisco,  and  will 

probably  receive  from  the  public  that    favorable* 
tion  which  he  ha.-*  certainly  earned  at  their  hand*. 

-  again  taken  the  boards  at  theTivoli  with 
an  improved  cast,  an  excellent  orchestra,  and  a  well  drill- 
ed  chorus,  and  is  playing  to  good  houses. 

Mr.  Ferdinand  Urban,  the  well  known  Germs  1 
dian,  receives  a  benefit  at  the  California  to-morrow  even- 
ing, on  which  occasion  he  will  appear  in  7 v.. 
from  Upper  A  u stria. 

Favorable  progress  is  being  made  in  the  arrangements 
for  the  Thomas  Concerts.     On  Monday  next  the  plans  for 
subscribers  will   be  opened   at  the  different  mush 
on  Thursday  the  sale  of  season  tickets  will  begin,  and  on 
the  Monday  following  the  sale  of  single  tickets. 


TALK     BACK. 


[All  contributors  expecting  payment— except  those  with  whom 

we  have  an    understanding— must    cither  set   11   price    uj tli,.ir 

articles  or  indicate  their  willingness  to  accei.'i  a  price  fixed  bj  our- 
selves.    Declined  manuscripts  will  be  returned  if  st  mps  iti  - 
lor  that  purpose.     It  is  necessary  that  the  editor  know  the  tall 
name  and  address  of  every  contributor.) 

Margaret.—  The  Meataxman  spares  you  because  he  loves 
you.  Not  for  what  you  may  have  the  gracious 
descension  to  be  ;  not  for  what,  with  long  practice, 
you  might  be  able  to  endeavor  to  try  to  write  ;  but 
for  your  captivating  private  system  of  spelling.  Fair 
being,  if  you  are  not  a  dream,  but  what  you  ingen- 
iously call  a  "  palpatating  actuallity  ",  it  was  kind  of 
you  to  express  your  wish  by  letter.  If  you  a 
dream  please  have  the  goodness  to  wake  us. 

L.  M. — The  verses  you  send  are  certainly  not  good— 
as  poetry.  That  needs  not  discourage  you.  Mr. 
Tennyson's  early  poems  —which  he  has  vainly  tried  to 
suppress — -were  execrable.  In  Byron's  first  bonk, 
Hours  ofldkmts,  there  was  not  even  the  "  promise. 
and  potency  "  of  genius.  Even  the  great  Mr.  Picker- 
ing's first  piece  of  obituary  verse  so  startled  "  the 
pale  sheeted  nations  of  the  dead  "  that  they  sat  up 
and  swore,  until  one  yellow  and  fleshless  old  remain 
pointed  out  to  them  how  singularly  blessed  they  were 
in  having  died  and  been  forgotten  before  he  was  in- 
spired to  write.  Burn  all  your  manuscripts  for  the 
next  ten  years,  leech  the  ashes  and  drink  the  lye  ; 
then  send  us  some  rhymes  about  a  dog-fight.  X.  B. 
Be  careful  to  explain  which  licked. 

Santa  CBUZ. — We  arc  not  supplying  other  journal-  with 
manuscript  that  we  have  the  unhappiness  to  reject. 

You  will  receive  yours  back  by  mail. 

Hettee. — You  are  evidently  young    and    unmet) 

With  years  and  study  you  will  be  able  to  write,' not 

only  acceptably  but  exceptionally  well. 

J.  C— Under  the  limitations  you  impose  we  cannot  even 
take  the  trouble  to  read  it. 

L.  P.,  San  Jose,— X~o  ;  he  doesn't  write  much  for  "the 
ladies"  ;  but,  bless  you,  you  should  hear  him  talk  to 
them  ! 

A.  R.  X.— Capital.  Why  can  you  not  learn  the  limita- 
tions of  your  powers  and  not  transgress  them  .'  In 
other  words,  why  can  you  not  be  an  archangel  '! 


Accepted.  —  "  Snows  "  :     "  Bertie  ' 
Ghost  "  ;  "  Round  the  Clock  "  ; 
ungzebe     ;  "  M.  E." 

Declined.— All  the  rest. 


;     i;  An    Affable 
-.1.  P.  S,"  :  "Ax- 


12 


THE    WASP. 


SOME    GERMAN    FUN, 


"  Can  little  Helen  tell  me  why  one  has  eyes  1 

Little  Helen. — To  see  with. 

11  And  why  does  one  have  a  nose  ?  " 

Little  Helen  (thinking  of  herself). — To  clean. 


Lieutenant  (gazing  at  portrait  on  the  parlor  wall, 
and  speaking  to  Baroness,  who  upon  her  husband's 
death  married  his  brother). — Who  is  that  gentleman 
up  there— some  one  of  the  family  ? 

Baroness  (without  turning). — That  is  my  dead 
brother-in-law. 


A.  — Believe  me,  friends  in  need  are  few. 
B. — There  you   are   wrong  ;     one   scarcely   has 
friends  before  they  begin  to  borrow. 


He. — I  am  heartily  sorry  to  see  you  in  such 
affliction. 

She. — So  you,  too,  find  my  mourning  unbecom- 
ing. 


Miss  A. — But  tell  me,  chhre  Amelie,  why  didn't 
you  marry  your  husband  ten  years  ago  'I 

Mes.  B.  —At  that  time,  my  love,  he  was  too  old 
for  me. 


The  last  hope.  Husband. — That's  a  good  joke, 
now  ;    I  have  lost  my  note-book  ! 

Wife. — Have  you  looked  everywhere '? 

Husband. — I've  looked  in  every  pocket.  It  can 
only  be perhaps 

Wife. — Have  you  lookpd  in  your  breast-pocket  1 

Husband. — Ah,  that  is  just  it.  I  would  rather 
not  look  there,  for  if  it  is  not  there — then  I  have 
no  longer  any  hope  ! 


Four  children  are  dragging  things  ofl'  the  table. 
Their  mother  calls  to  them  : 

"  Children  !  let  those  newspapers  stay  just 
where  I  put  them.  I  never  know  what  I  have 
read." 

£lA  disturbance  at  the  'The  Green  Star,'  "  is 
the  message  to  a  police  station  after  midnight. 
Officers  are  sent  at  once — a  large  force.  Upon  their 
arrival  all  is  vacant  and  still.  One  single  guest  is 
coming  down  the  stsirs  from  the  great  hall  where 
the  societies,  '*  The  Gymnasts1  Union,"  the  "Song 
Wreath  "  and  the  "  Happy  Brothers,"  have  been 
celebreting  the  founding  of  the  latter  club. 

"  What  has  been  going  on  here  1  "  they  ask  the 
solitary  man. 

"  Our  '  Happy  Brothers  '    festival." 

"  But  there  has  been  a  riot." 

(t  Of  course  there  was  quarrelling.  The  'Sing- 
ers' jeered  at  the  'Gymnasts'  and  so  the  'Gym- 
nasts '  threw  them  out.  Then  ^e  of  the  '  Happy 
Brothers  '  got  to  disputing  with  the  '  Gymnasts  ' ; 
so  that  after  a  while  we  had  to  turn  them  out." 

"  And  how  comes  it  that  you  are  all  alone  ?  " 

Well,  after  the  '  Gymnasts  '  were  put  out,  some 
of  the  'Happy  Brothers'  couldn't  get  along,  and 
we  got  into  a  general  brawl,  and  just  before  you 
came,  I,  as  superior,  threw  out  the  last  one." 

— Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson. 


THE    THOMAS     FESTIVAL. 


The  subscribers'  boxes  w  ere  assigned  by  lot  at 
the  parlors  of  the  California  Bank  last  Tuesday 
afternoon,  and  complete  satisfaction  with  the 
method  of  the  award  was  expressed.  The  remain- 
ing boxes  are  placed  at  the  ' '  White  House  "  for 


The  day  is  not  far  distant  when  the  fame  of  San  Fran- 
cisco will  go  out  as  the  most  enjoyable,  as  well  as  the 
healthiest,  city  anywhere  to  be  found. — Bulletin. 

The  fame  of  San  Francisco  for  these  admirable 
qualities  has  already  gone  out,  neighbor — gone  out 
like  a  tallow  candle  in  a  Washoe  zephyr. 


"  Two  cracks  and  a  devil  !  "  shouted  a  restaur- 
ant waiter,  looking  down  a  hole  ;  and  a  good  old 
deacon  from  the  country  was  amazed  and  grieved 
until  it  was  explained  that  a  party  of  three  at 
another  table  had  given  an  order  for  crabs. 


f™  The  Post  complains  that  its  country  contempor- 
aries steal  from  its  columns  without  giving  credit, 
nnd  plaintively  adds  :  "  The  S.  ?'.  Post  "  is  easy  to 
set    up   and  doesn't  take  much  space."     True,   0 


brother  !  We  should  imagine  that  the  composition 
of  your  tiny  sheet  would  not  present  a  very  for- 
midable task  to  the  printers,  if  that's  what  you 
mean  to  say.  But  if  you  allude  to  the  staff  of  the 
paper,  thats  a  very  different  matter.  Adequately 
to  "  set  up  "  that  bibulous  crowd  would  be  an  un- 
dertaking of  much  difficulty;  and,  as  to  space, 
would  occupy  at  least  a  hogshead. 


lt  I  saw  you  to-day  coming  out  of  the  house  of 
your  lady  friend  on  Kearny  street,"  said  Mrs.  Josen, 
with  a  frigid  sneer;  "  perhaps  you  will  be  good 
enough  to  explain."  ''  Certainly,  my  dear,"  replied 
her  lord,  with  a  look  of  heaven  in  the  two  eyes  of 
him;  "being  a  married  man,  I  did  not  think  it 
right  to  remain  there." 


A     CROWN     FOR     SALE, 


London  is  the  mart  of  the  world.  You  may  buy 
anything  here,  from  a  wife  or  a  white  slave,  to  a 
castle,  a  palace,  or  a  pedigree.  It  is  not  often, 
however,  that  a  crown  is  in  the  market.  Such  is 
the  case,  in  all  sober  seriousness,  to-day.  There  is 
an  island  somewhere  to  the  east  of  Sardinia,  to  be 
bought,  all  except  the  port,  which  is  the  property 
of  King  Humbert.  The  rest  is  en  rente,  the  price 
being  £30,000,  and  the  purchaser  will  be  permitted, 
if  it  suits  his  caprice,  to  assume  the  name,  style, 
and  title  of  king,  such  being  the  designation  of  the 
vendor,  who  prefers  hard  cash  to  barren  acres  and 
barren  honor,  like  a  wise  old  Roman.  Here  is  a 
fine  chance  for  Mr.  Shoddy,  Mr.  Brummagem,  and 
those  numerous  plutocrats  who  will  back  any  politi- 
cal party  that  will  covenant  to  give  them  a  Baron- 
etcy in  return  for  hard  cash  and  their  votes.  A 
King  is  surely  a  cut  above  a  Baronet,  and,  among 
other  advantages,  he  conld  make  all  his  progeny 
Princes  and  Princesses,  and  he  might  recoup  him- 
self by  selling  titles  ad  libitum. — London  Times. 


THE     PERSIAN    WAY. 


A  rich  Persian  who  found  that  he  must  soon  die 
and  be  known  on  earth  no  more  forever,  called  his 
friends  round  him  and  said  : 

"  My  dear  fellow  mortals,  I  am  soon  to  go  upon 
that  long  journey  from  whence  no  Persian  returns. 
Please  wipe  your  weeping  eyes." 

Each  man  brought  his  coat  tail  round  to  his  left 
eye  with  one  motion  and  two  jerks,  and  the  good 
old  man  continued  : 

"  I  cannot  carry  my  wealth  beyond  the  grave, 
and  I  do  not  care  to  leave  it  for  the  lawyers  to 
fight  over  after  I  am  gone.  I  will  therefore  divide 
it  with  you." 

Then  the  coat-tails  fell  down  to  a  perpendicular, 
all  eyes  were  speedily  dried,  and  many  an  ancient 
baldhead  cried  out  :  "  Bully  for  you,  Old  Mug- 
gins !  " 

Then  the  good  man  brought  out  a  millon  shares 
of  stock  and  gave  each  man  a  whack,  and  there 
were  more  tears  of  gratitude  and  whoops  of  satisfac- 
tion until  some  kicker  suddenly  called  out  : 

"  Why.  these  shares  are  worth  only  4  percent  !  " 

"  And  mine  are  worth  only  3  !  "  cried  another. 

"  And  mine  are  worth  nothing  at  all,"  yelled  a 
red -faced  man  with  a  squint  in  his  left  eye. 

"My  friends."  calmly  replied  the  old  man,  as 
he  commanded  silence,  "  being  assured  of  your 
love,  and  knowing  how  willing  you  will  be  to  pre- 
serve my  memory,  I  shall  order  my  executors  to 
take  all  those  shares  from  you  at  their  face  value, 
and  give  each  one  of  you  credit  for  so  much  to- 
wards my  monument  !  The  meeting  is  now  ad- 
journed !  " — Wall  Street  Daily  News. 


If  they  told  the  truth  at,  such  a  moment,  the  pro- 
posal and  acceptance  would  run  somewhat  in  this 
fashion  : 

He. — "  Your  father  must  be  worth  at  least  a  mil- 
lion, and  you  would  enable  me  to  go  through  life 
in  a  style  I  could  never  hope  for  without  you.  I 
do  not  love  you,  it  is  true  ;  but  one  cannot  expect 
everything.  So  let  us  marry.  If  your  father  fails, 
I  caii  crawl  out  of  it  somehow. " 

She. — "Very  well.  You  will  never  amount  to 
anything,  but  you  are  good  enough  as  far  as  you  go. 
I  have  trifled  with  so  many  men  that  most  of  them 
hate  me,  and  I  may  not  get  a  better  offer.  If  I  do, 
I  can  break  the  engagement." 


OS'  The  Scarlet,  Cardinal  Tted,  Old  Gold,  Navy  Bine, 
Seal  Brown,  Diamond.  Dyes  give  perfect  lesults.  Any 
fashionable  color,  10  cents. 


BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

will  cure  dyspepsia.heartburn,  mala- 
ria, kidney  disease,  liver  complaint, 
and  other  wasting  diseases. 

BROWN'S 


BITTERS 

enriches  the  blood  and  purifies  the 
system;  cures  weakness,  lack  of 
energy,  etc.     Try  a  bottle. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

is  the  only  Iron  preparation  that 
does  not  color  the  teeth,  and  will  not 
cause  headache  or  constipation,  as 
other  Iron  preparations  will. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

Ladies  and  all  sufferers  from  neu- 
ralgia, hysteria,  and  kindred  com- 
plaints, will  find  it  without  an  equal. 


KIDNEY- WORT  I 


"THE  GREAT  CURE 

FOE. 

—RHEUMATISM— 

As  it  is  for  aU  the  painful  diseases   of  the 

KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 

that    causes   the  dreadful   suffering     which 

only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 
PERFECTLY  CURED. 

PRICE,  $1.  LIQUID  OR  DRY,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 
it-  Dry  can  be  sent  by  mail. 

WELLS,  RICHARDSON  &  Co. .  Bur  line-ton 


KIDNEY- WORT>i 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY, 

la  a  certaic  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  tho  evil  effects  of 
youthful  follies  and  excesses. 

DR.  MIXTIE,  who  is  a  regular  physloiaa, 
graduate  of  the  University  of  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  forfeit  Five  Hundred  Dollar*  for 
aeaseoflhekind  the  VITAL  RESTOIUTIYB 
( under  bis  special  advice  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle ;  four  times  tb« 
i  ■.'  til  .■ ,  SI0.  Sent  to  any  address,  confi- 
[>rnti*li.y.  by  A.  E.  MINTIE.  M,  D.,  No.  II 
Kenrnv  Stri.-et.  S.  F.     Send  for  pamphlet, 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  FREE  will  bo  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  lelter.  stating  symptoms, 
sex  and  age    Strict  aecrecy  in  f  11  transaction*- 


THE    WASP. 


iS 


WOODEN      LEGS, 


Fnisn   Story. 

Major  Todd  of  uur  place,  says  the   Bangor  Afes- 

Sanger,  lust  his  right  leg  at  the  battle  of  Fredericks- 
burg, and  some  time  ago  he  purchased  an  artificial 
Leg  from  a  man  in  Washington.  It  contained  a 
system  of  springs,  which  enabled  the  Major  to  uae  it 

iu  such  a  natural  manner,  that  when  he  was  walk- 
ing along  the  street  nobody  would  for  a  moment 
suppose  that  he  had  not  both  of  his  own  legs. 

( ine  Sunday,  while  the  Major  was  on  his  way  to 
church,  he  slipped  upon  the  ice  and  gave  the  store- 
leg  a  severe  wrench.  He  must  have  dislocated 
some  of  the  springs,  for  after  reaching  the  church 
and  taking  his  seat,  and  while  the  clergyman  was 
reading  the  scriptures,  the  leg  suddenly  flew  up  and 
rested  on  the  back  of  the  seat  in  front  of  him.  The 
congregation  looked  at  him  in  amazement  and  he 
looked  very  red  in  the  face.  As  soon  as  he  took  it 
down  it  jumped  up  again  and  wiggled  about  on 
the  back  of  the  pew,  finally  kicking  Mrs.  Thomp- 
son's bonnet  to  rags.  Then  the  Major  suppressed 
it  again,  and  held  it  down,  but  it  instantly  began  a 
convulsive  movement  in  his  own  pew,  during 
which  it  upset  the  stools,  plunged  around  among 
the  hymn-books  and  hats,  and  hammered  the 
board  beneath  the  seat  until  it  made  such  a  racket 
that  the  minister  had  to  stop.  The  sexton  rushed 
in  to  find  out  what  was  the  matter,  and  the  Major, 
after  explaining  the  difficulty  in  a  whisper,  asked 
the  sexton  to  let  him  lean  on  him  while  he  charged 
on  the  front  door.  As  soon  as  the  Major  got  into 
the  aisle  that  dislocated  leg  kicked  the  sexton  six- 
teen or  seventeen  times  in  a  most  insolent  manner, 
varying  the  exercises  by  making  eccentric  swoops 
off  to  one  side,  during  which  it  kicked  eight  of  the 
high  hats  at  the  pew  doors  into  black-silk  chaos. 

By  the  time  the  Major  reached  the  vestibule, 
the  leg  had  become  perfectly  reckless.  It  flew  up 
before  and  it  flew  up  behind.  It  butted  against 
the  good  leg,  and  darted  out  3idewise,  and  de- 
scribed circles,  and  tried  to  insert  its  toes  in  the 
Major's  coat  tail  pockets,  and  to  whack  him  on  the 
nose.  When  the  sexton  came  with  the  hack  and 
put  the  Major  in  it,  the  leg  banged  through  the 
window-glass,  and  when  the  driver  got  down  to  see 
about  it,  the  leg  brandished  itself  in  his  face,  and 
concluded  the  exercise  by  planting  a  terrific  blow 
in  his  stomach. 

The  Major  told  the  driver  he  would  give  him  ten 
dollars  to  take  the  leg  oft",  and  the  driver  accepted 
the  offer.  For  several  minutes  it  eluded  all  his 
efforts  to  catch  it  as  it  danced  about,  but  finally  he 
got  hold  of  it  and  hung  on  while  the  Major  tried  to 
unbuckle  the  straps. 

Then  it  came  ofl'  and  rolled  the  driver  in  the 
mud. 

He  got  up  to  watch  it.  It  writhed  and  kicked 
and  jumped  and  throbbed  and  hopped,  and  when- 
ever it  would  make  a  dash  to  one  side  or  the  other 
the  crowd  would  scatter  in  order  to  give  it  full 
play. 

Finally  Ben  Wooley  set  his  dog  on  it,  and  a  most 
exciting  contest  ensued,  the  leg  two  or  three  times 
running  off  with  the  dog,  and  it  seemed  likely  the 
that  the  dog  would  get  whipped. 

Mr.  Woolley  got  a  crowbar  and  aimed  a  blow  at 
the  leg  with  the  intent  to  smash  it.  But  he  missed 
it,  and  nearly  killed  the  dog.  As  soon  as  the  dog 
retired,  Mr.  Wooley  whacked  it  again  and  burst  it 
into  flinders,  and  then  there  was  peace.  The 
Major  drove  home  and  got  his  crutches,  and  since 
then  he  has  confined  himself  to  the  use  of  a  wooden 
teg  without  springs. 


Second  Story. 

A  fashionable  dressed  matron   sat   in  the  rear 
cabin  of  Fulton  ferry  boat  says  the  N.   Y.    Herald. 
She  was  accompanied  by  a  thin-legged,    restless- 
eyed  little  girl  of  four  or  thereabouts.     A  few  seats 
away  was  a  man  with  a  wooden  leg.      With  unerr- 
ing instinct  the  child's  eye  had  lighted  upon  this 
man.     That  eye  at  once   became   fixed,    dilating 
with    concentrated    interest.     The   child   crawled 
from  her  seat  upon  which  she  had  been  kneeling,  in 
order  to  afford  that  eye  better  facilities  for  observa- 
tion.    The  object  of  scrutiny  squirmed  uneasily  in 
his  seat.     Turning  to   the   mother   the   child  ex- 
claimed in  a  portentous  whisper  : 
"  Oh,  ina  !     Look  at  that  man. " 
"  Hush,  my  dear  you  must  not  be  rude." 
"But   ma,"  in    a    very  audible    whisper,    "do 
look  at  his  leg." 

"  Be  quiet,  Ethel,  I  tell  you,"  frantically  urged 


the  matron   in  agitated   bonea      "  The  poor  man 
has  lost  hifl  leu'.     It'a  very  rude  I 

11  What's  that  one  made  of  I  " 

"  Hush  !  of  wood,  my  dear.     Look  at  that  pretty 
oy  over  there.     See  how  good  be  ia." 

'•  Did  you  ever  have  a  leg  like  that,  ma  ' 
No,  my  dear.     Look  orer  there  at  that " 

"  Will  pa  or  Uncle  -John  or  I  ever  have  one  ma?" 

■"  No,  dear.  ' 

11  Could  he  kick  a  ball  with  that  leg  f  " 

"  Hush,  do  !  " 

"  But  ma '' 

At  this  juncture  the  man  with  the  wooden  leg 
sought,  in  turn,  to  create  a  diversion.  He  drew 
from  his  pocket  a  little  bon-bon  box  and  ottered 
the  child  some  sweet-meats.  The  child  accepted 
them  with  some  hesitation  and  mistrust.  An  in- 
stant later  the  boat  reached  the  slip.  The  mother 
rose,  and  smiling  graciously,  said  : 

"  Thank  the  gentleman,  Ethel,  and  say  good- 
bye." 

Ethel  advanced,  her  eyes  still  firmly  fixed  upon 
the  object  of  interest.  She  held  out  the  tips  of 
her  little  fingers. 

"  Good-bye,"  she  said,  in  a  voice  full  of  emotion; 
11  good-bye.  you  poor,  poor  man." 

The  mother  seized  the  child  by  the  hand  and 
hurrying  through  the  boat  gained  the  bridge. 


THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen — take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  and  courteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
SI  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 


"  BUCHU-PAIBA." 

Quick,  complete  cure,  all  annoying  Kidney,  Bladder 
and  Urinary  Diseases.     SI.      Druggists. 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  JL.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street. 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


A  permanent   restoration   of   exhausted  and  worn-out 
functions  follows  the  use  of  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


GENUINE    LAGER    BIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Brewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  best  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  &5T  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


MOTHER  SWAN'S  WORM  SYRUP. 

Infalliable,  tasteless,  harmless,  cathartic  ;    for  feverish- 
ness,  restlessness,  worms,  constipation.     25c. 


*  Those  who  deaden  sensation  and  stupefy  the  patient 
to  relieve  suffering  make  a  grave  mistake.  They  proceed 
upon  the  false  idea  that  it  is  legitimate  to  procure  relief 
from  pain  by  destroying  physical  sensibility.  Tins  meth- 
od, carried  to  the  last  extremity, -would  kill  the  patient  tu 
end  suffering.  It  is  not  presumed  that  Lydia  E.  Pink- 
ham's  Vegetable  Compound  will  raise  the  dead,  but  it 
often   does   restore   those  who  are  given  up  as  hopeless 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

"  ROUGH  ON  RATS." 
Clears  out    rats,  mice,  roaches,  flies,  ants,   bed-bugs, 
skunks,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c.     Druggists. 

DENTISTRY. 

C.  ().  Dean,  D.D.S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


iif. 


Are 


You   Going   East  ? 
IIE1    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

through  the  old  11)  densely  popu- 

lated, richest  and  best  portions  of  the  country  lyu 
tween  the  PACIFIC  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  which  is  sparsely  settled,  desolate  and 
uninteresting.     Hence,  when  purchasing  yam  ti 
particular  to  Bee  that  it  reads  by  way  oi  the  Grand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


This  line  has  always  stood  in  tin1  first  rank  with  Cali- 
fornians  and  has  carried  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent. 

IF  YOU  SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Central  Pacific  R.  R.,from  San  Francisco  to 
OGDEX,  and  the  Denver  &  Rio  Grande  K.  R.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot -at  Denver  with  the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
'  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  either  via  Kansas  Oil  > 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  first- 
class  style.  If  you  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  is 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific  R.  R's,  from 
San  Francisco  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  with  the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE." 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.  If  you  select  the  Southern  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific  and  Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  and  Union 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,  CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &  QUIKCT 
Short  Line  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  at  KANSAS 
CITY,  and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arri  /al  at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the  Eastern  Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to  passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Harper's  Febry,  famous  Horse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  of  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all  that  is  most  gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's  end,  besides  being  assured  of  all  that  is 
luxurious  in  traveling  across  the  continent  from  the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  BOSTON. 

AU  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this  line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quincy  R.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Kail- 
road  in  the  world  for  all  classes  of  travel. 


Important    to    Tourists    and    Visitors. 

Make  no  mistake.  Sec  lilt.  McKAT,  ill  !•!•>  new 
oilier,  32  Montgomery  Street,  iifHirr  maklnc  arrange- 
ments for  jour  trip  across  the  continent. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Car  Accommodations, 
Cheeking  your  Baggage,  and  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without  charge. 

Special  attention  shown  to  Australian.  New  Zea- 
land, thina  and  Japan  Passengers. 


T.   D.   McKAY, 


General  Hallway  mill  Steamship  Passenger  Agent. 

32     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


CATS     FOR     WINNIPEG, 


I 


No  reason  is  assigned  for  the  sudden  and  enor- 
mous demand  for  cats  in  Winnipeg.  It  will,  of 
course,  be  suggested  that  Winnipeg  is  suffering 
from  a  plague  of  rats  and  mice,  but  no  one  who  is 
acquainted  with  the  real  character  of  cats  would 
dream  of  applying  to  them  for  assistance  against 
such  an  enemy.  Undoubtedly  cats  have  been 
known  to  catch  both  rats  and  mice.  If  no  food  is 
given  to  a  cat  for  seven  or  eight  days  she  will  some- 
times prefer  to  catch  a  rat  or  a  mouse  rather  than 
to  perish  of  starvation,  but  even  a  cat  entirely  re- 
duced to  rat  and  mice  rations  will  not  catch  more 
than  one  of  the  little  animals  daily — at  least  for  the 
purpose  of  eating  it.  Cats  with  families  unques- 
tionably do  catch  rats  and  mice  for  strictly  educa- 
tional purposes — using  them  while  giving  object 
lessons  to  kittens  in  rat-catching  ;  but  a  judicious 
and  careful  cat  is  able  to  make  a  single  rat  or 
mouse  last  during  half  a  dozen  daily  lessons,  and 
hence  the  number  of  rata  and  mice  caught  for  edu- 
cational purposes  is  extremely  small.  If  there  are, 
say,  a  million  of  rats  and  mice  in  Winnipeg  it  will 
take  at  least  half  a  million  of  cats  to  exterminate 
them  in  the  course  of  a  week.  If,  then,  the  Win- 
nipeggers  are  buying  cats  with  any  view  to  sup- 
pressing rats  and  mice  they  are  making  a  great 
mistake. — N.    Y.  Times. 


EQUAL    TO     THE     OCCASION, 


"  Speaking  of  curious  coincidents,"  said  a  lawyer 
who  had  business  in  the  City  Hall  yesterday,  "  I 
think  I  have  the  most  curious  case  on  the  boards." 

"  What  is  it  1  " 

"  One  day  last  week  a  woman  came  to  me  and 
engaged  my  services  to  file  a  bill  for  divorce.  I 
hadn't  got  through  with  her  when  her  husband 
came  in  to  secure  my  services  for  the  same  thing. 
They  were  of  the  same  age,  had  the  same  grounds 
and  had  not  met  before  for  mouths." 

"  And  you  took  both  cases  ?  " 

<l  Oh,  no,  that  would  have  looked  a  little  queer." 

"  Then  you  sent  one  to  another  lawyer  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  again.  I  am  not  furnishing  clients  to 
other  lawyers.  I  saw  that  I  was  in  a  fix,  and  that 
I  must  do  something  to  prevent  one  or  the  other 
from  consulting  another  attorney,  and  so  I  acted  as 
a  mediator,  and  advised  'em  to  settle  their  trouble 
and  live  together,  which  they  have  done." 

"  What  !  You  advise  a  settlement,  and  lose 
your  fee  !  ,: 

"  Not  exactly,"  replied  the  lawyer  as  he  stroked 
his  chin,  ' '  I  charged  twice  as  much  for  the  advice 
as  for  securing  the  divorces  !  " 


I  was  chatting  with  a  bright  young  girl,  says  a 
writer  in  the  N.  Y.  World,  the  other  evening  at  a 
small  German,  when  our  attention  was  directed  to 
a  tall,  handsome  woman  who  had  just  entered  the 
room.  "  Who  is  she  ?  "  asked  my  companion,  and 
I  wishing  to  be  poetical  answered,  "  A  daughter  of 
the  gods."  "I  don't  know  her,"  my  partner  re- 
plied, critically  examing  the  new-comer  through 
her  lorgnette,  "  the  Gods  are  not  in  our  set." 


\*  "  Fools  take  to  themselves  the  respect  given  to  their 
office."  But  Kidney-Wort  commands  respect  for  its  own 
solid  merits,  tested,  tried  and  found  not  wanting  in  any 
essential  principle  required  for  the  cure  of  dyspepsia, 
piles,  malaria,  and  all  diseases  of  the  kidneys,  bo'wels  and 
liver.     Prepared  in  dry  or  liquid  form. 


SUBSCRIBERS 
Who  desire  to  keep  the  "  WASP  "  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


THE    GEYSERS. 

THE  GEYSERS  HOTEL  IS  NOW  OPENED  FOR 
the  entertainiueot  of  families  and  tourists.      Among 
the  accessories  of  this  famouss  resort  are  extensive 
Swimming  Itaths  of  Clear  Mineral  Water  ;  also.  Medi- 
cated Steam  lEaths. 
In  addition   to   the   excellent   accommodations  of  the 
Hotel,  there  are  Pleasant  Cottages  fitted  to  minister  to 
the  pleasure  and  comfort  of  the  occupants. 

THE      SCEXEKY 
Surrounding  the  Geysers  is  nowhere  excelled  in  grandeur. 
The  climate  offers  an  agreeable  change  from  the  fog  and 
dust  of  the  city.     The  drives  are  superb  and  the  roads  are 
now  open. 

Terms— $3  per  day  and  $15  per  week. 

WM.   FORSYTH,  Proprietor. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  35  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


^^yfTI'hw^         There   has   never  been 

|^|  til  fc.  Rtf^  instance        which  tins  ster- 

II  Ir  CELEBRATED  *1A  l™g  invigorant  and  anti-feb- 
rile medicine  has  failed  to 
ward  off  the  complaint,  when 
taken  duly  as  a  protection 
against  malaria.  Hundreds 
of  physicians  have  abandoned 
all  the  officinal  specifics,  and 
now  prescribe  this  harmless 
vegetable  tonic  for  chills  and 
fever,  as  well  as  dyspepsia 
and  nervous  affections.   Hos- 

fcfeh     STOMACH        4*   tetter's  Bitters  is  the  specific 

m^_^#  r^^fc.  you 

OlTTF K^   "  ":lle   by  all  Druggists 

V  ft    1  g/0  ft  *  and  Dealers  generally. 

AMUSEMENTS. 

Grand  Musical  Festival 

—  UNDER   THE   DIRECTION   OF  — 

THEODORE  THOMAS, 

—  TO    BE    HELD    AT    THE  — 

Mechanics'    Pavilion 

—  ON    THE    EVENINGS    OF  — 

June  7th,  8th,  9th,  llth  &  12th, 

—   AND    AFTERNOONS   OF   — 

June    llth    and    13th. 

The  spacious  Pavilion  building  is  being  specially  remod- 
eled for  this  festival — its  dimensions  and  proportions  be- 
ing made  to  assimilate  closely  to  those  of  the  great  Music 
Hall  of  Cincinnati.  A  mammoth  stage  with  reverbera- 
ting sounding-board  has  been  designed  on  scientific  acous- 
tic principles,  and  a  large  number  of  elegant  and  commo- 
dious private  boxes  fitted  up  on  the  main  floor  and  balcony 
circle,  while  the  amphitheater  arrangement  of  the  general 
axiditoriuin  will  render  the  seating  capacity  of  this  vast 
hall  as  nearly  perfect  as  possible. 

Seven   Monster  Programmes. 

Which  will  include  the  widest  possible  range  of  compo- 
sitions in  the  classical,  operatic  and  popular  styles,  to- 
gether with  selections  from  the  celebrated  oratorios,  and 
a  brilliant  repertoire  of  solo  performances. 

One  programme  will  be  devoted  exclusively  to  the  com- 
positions of  Wagner  ;  another  to  these  of  Beethoven, 
and,  at  the  others,  selections  from  the  works  of  Schubert, 
Liszt,  Chopin,  Gluck,  Mozart,  Mendelssohn.  Saint 
Saens,  Berlioz,  Schumann,  Brahms,  Strauss,  etc.,  etc., 
will  be  interpreted  in  a  manner  possible  only  to  be  accom- 
plished by  artists  of  the  highest  rank. 

The  grand  FESTIVAL  CHORUS  of  500  voices,  which 
has  been  organized  and  thoroughly  rehearsed  under  the 
direction  of  Mr.  David  W.  Loring,  will  embrace  many 
prominent  vocalists  of  San  Francisco,  Oakland  and  Sac- 
ramento.       The 

Theodore    Thomas'    Grand     Orchestra 

Will  consist  of  SIXTY  INSTRUMENTALISTS  select- 
ed by  Mr.  Thomas  especially  for  this  Festival  from  the 
New  York  Philharmonic  Society,  and  will  appear  in 
every  concert  in  conjunction  with  the  following  soloists  : 

MISS  EMMA    THURSBY, Soprano 

MRS.   E.    HUMPHREY-ALLEN :... Soprano 

MRS.   ANNIE  HARTDEGIN, Soprano 

MRS.   BELLE   COLE Contralto 

MR.   FRED.   HARVEY, Tenor 

MR  FRANZ  REMMERTZ, Basso 

—  and  — 
MADAME  JULIE  RIVE-KING, Solo  Pianist 

PRICES: 

SINGLE  SEASON  TICKET  (reserved), §12  50 

DOUBLE  SEASON  TICKET  (reserved), S26  00 

PRIVATE  BOXES  (seating  six)  for  season,  . . .  ..$100  00 
PRIVATE  BOXES  (seating  eight)  for  season,.  .S130  00 

&ST  Subscriptions  received  at  music  stores  of  M.  Gray, 
Kohler  &  Chase  and  Sherman  &  Clay ;  also,  at  the 
"  White  House."  Diagrams  for  choice  season  seats 
open  at  above  places  on 

Monday,     May    21st, 

At  9  o'clock  A.  M. 

RESERVED  SEATS  (single  concerts), . . .  .SI,  S2  and  S3 

(according  to  location), 

B3T  Sale  of  reserved  seats  for  single  concerts  begins 

Monday,  May  28th, 

At  9  A.  M.  Orders  by  mail,  telegraph  or  telephone,  to 
any  of  the  above-mentioned  ticket  offices  will  receive 
prompt  and  careful  attention. 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS^ 


are  Safe,  Certain 
and     Effectual* 

.   1  Sraledpartictiarsiic 
The  Caucara  Mfg  Co.  2313  Madlacm  Bqaare,  Phila,  Pa 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Emerson's  Standard  Theater. 

Wm.   Emerson Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

EVERY      EVENING      AND       SATURDAY      MATINEE. 

EMERSON'S     MINSTRELS. 
Our      Star      Company 

—     IN     A      — 

GREAT     PROGRAMME. 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Balcony 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve.     Telephone,  5094. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Erelinq  Bbos Proprietors  and  Managers 

First  week  and  unbounded  auccess  of  Suppe's 
charming  Comic  Opera,  in  3  acts, 

BOCCACCIO! 

Elegant  Costumes,  enlarged  Chorus  and  Orchestra  and 
a  powerful  cast. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

GUSTAVE  FKOHMAN Lessee 

MODJESKA 


f  i 


ROSALIN  D 


> ) 


In    "AS    YOU    LIKE    IT." 

—     ASSISTED  BY     — 

MR.  H.  BARRYMORE  and  the  same  powerful  Com- 
pany that  supported  her  in  the  East. 

MONDAY,    -     ~   MAY    21st, 

F  i*  o  uj:JF  3?  o  u 

IN  ACTIVE    PREPARATION  : 

.A_s  You  Like  It. 


The  Cocoa  Crop  is  Short 

LOOK   OUT  FOR  ADULTERATIONS 
By    Using 

WALTER    BAKER   &  CO.'S 

Chocolate 

You  will  be  Sure  of  Securing  the  Best. 

WM.    T.    COLEMAN    A    CO.,   Sole    Agents. 


rj^vLady  Agents  £"?™KS 

4rfl  a'nd  Eood  salary  selling  Queen    City 

-ykfT'  Skirt  and  Stocklna  Supporter*,  ete. 

Sample  outfii'Frce.     Address  Queen 

City  Suspen  tier  Co.,Cincinnati.O 


ARTISTIC     PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain    and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Order*  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGHES, 

511    Sansouie    Street,  Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


AGENTS 


can  now  jrrasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  $10  tree.  Address  E.  G. 
RIDEOUT  &C0.,  10  Barclay  St.,  N.F. 


THE    WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

Steamer  of  thlsCompany  wiUsail  from  Br 
aWharf,  s..n  Frandoco,  for  }--rt.-  . 
,  ron,   Washington    and    Idaho  Torrltorlea,    Bri&n 
'  Colombia  and  Alaska,  as  follow*  : 

,.<?"r<"7lln  So"""'rn  <on.l  ltouli-.  The  Steamcra  ORI- 
ZABA and  AJ.CON  xul  every  five  days  at  9  A.  a.  for  San  Lula 
EtB0'  Sanl°  Bar1**™,  Los  Annul™  and  San  Dk-iro,  as  follows  : 
OKI/ABA,  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  tach  month.  ANCON,  ,',th,  16th 
end  26th  of  each  month.  TV  Steamer  L<  IB  AK0E1 
Wednesday  at  S  a.  a.  for  Santa  Cruz,  MonU.-n.-v,  S-in  Simeon.  Cay- 
nose,  San  Loll  Obispo,  Gariota,  Santa  Barter,,  and  *»n  Buena- 
ventura. 

British    Columbia     I      Alaskn     limil.-. 

IDAHO  carrying  U.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsond,  w.  T. ,  Vic- 
toria and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  WranRt-1,  Sitka  and  Banistrarg-, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  TowaMnd  with  Victoria  and  Pugct 
Sound.  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  on  the  last  Friday  <A  the 
same  month, 

>'lr'orla  ami  Pnrjet  Sound  ■oBte.— The  Steamei 
eldlr  and  DAKOTA,  carrying  Her  Brittanic  Majostj  'sand  United 
States    mails,    sail    from    Broadway  Wharf,    S'm     Pmncjsco     at 

j  ?"•  ev0r7  Friday,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port  Towns- 
end,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Stcilacoom  and  Olvrnpm,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  Im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
P.  *.,  every  Friday,  and  Victoria  (Esouimault)  at  11  a  h. 
every  Saturday. 

»«te.-Our  Steamer  VICTORIA  sails  for  New  Westminster  and 
.Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as  per  advertisements  in  the  San 
Francisco  Alta  or  Quids. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Koute.— The  Oregon  Railwav  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spcor  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  4  Co.'s 
Express.  galling  days  May  3d,  6th.  Mh,  12th,  loth,  lsth,  21st, 
&fth,  LTth.  30th  and  every  following  third  dav  for  Portland  and 
Astoria,  Oregon. 

,,f"r!'a  and  Hnmboldl  Bay  Route Steamer  CITY  OF 

Llir^iTLR  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  A.  M. 

I,m*!'!i?,  Ar('nJ>  "J>d  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadwav  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  r.  M. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOOOALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 

No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  ......  105a 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 

TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

9  45     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S I  X  T  H . 

Prices  30  per  cent.  Lower  than  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 

IS-  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  -ffil 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  .  "  350,000 
Faxragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,      -      —      -      "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BEITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STBEET,  SAN  FBANOISOO,  OAL. 

Morris  &   Kennedy 

19  and  2i  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


fl»C  E.XCUF 
U>u  Jose  on 
elusive. 


THE       S  C  E  N  I  C       LINE. 

SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,     Mameda,     Vr«:irk,    San     Jom,    Lot    4.ul>»*, 
lilenwowl,  FeltOB,    Blft    Tr*i«.   and   Santa  «'ru*. 

pll   n  ElESQUE  SCEXRRY   MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIO  TREES: 

o.    ™anU  '  Kri  y'ilw'>     ''  ihortoi  t.j 

SANTA  < "  1 ;  1  [can;  no  dust 

3SENOER  TRA1 
station,  foot  of  Market  rtrect,  softs  bids,  at 

8 .OH  *•  M ■■  iilil-     u"L'rt  Sia  Lorem-  uodro,  Run- 

•OU  Bells,  Mt  Eden,  AJvarado,  Bulls,  Newark.  Centerville, 
MowryH,    Alviso,  Clara,   SAK  JOSE,   Txh  Gates, 

AJmft.Wrighte  HlKhland.Glenwood,  Doughertys,  Polton  Bi^'Trwo 
Md SANTA  CRUZ,  tniving  12  v       Parlorcar 

2 .OH  v  M  '"'  '  Urarado. 

•  UU    Newark,  Centerville,  All  1  1  .ra,  SAN 

J'iSK,  i.uh  i.;;it.H  md  evi  rj  9tatl<  n  I  SANT  I  <  IC1  /.,  anii  ins 
6a5P.  M     Parloi  car. 

4 .Oil  '"'  u>  (Sundays  excepted),  .01  8AK  JOSE,  Loa 
■UU  interniedlftte  stations.    Stages  conned  with  CONGRESS 
SPRINGS  ar  LosGatoa    Tbrongh  tare,  fc>  50.    Round  trip,  W  26. 
All  Bandars,  a  Special  Paiweiiger  Train  LeavesSanJos, 
UU      at  6:25  P.  M., arriving  at  San  FrandBOO,  3:80, 

EXCURSIONS   TO    BANTA    CRUZ  AND    $2.50  TO  SAN 
on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return   until  Monday  in- 

F.M'nrslons  to   BIG    TREES   and   SANTA  CR1  • 

Sunday,  S:30  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAND     A_VD    ALAMEDA. 

§8:30—  7:30— 8:80—9:30— 10:30—  11:30A.M.  Hl'2:30— 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 1:30— 5:30— ti:30— 7:30— 10:00  and  11:30  P.  M. 

From  Four-It  cntli  and  VI'cbHler  Htreels,  Oakland— §5:57 

—§6:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52— 10:52-«]ii:52  A.  M.  12:52-1:52-2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—0:52—10:20  P.  M.     Sundays  only,  7:62  P.  M 

From  iiiKh  s(recl,  Aliiniedn-^5:45-§6:45— 7:45— 8:35-9:35 
—10:35— 1ill;35  A.  M.  12:35— 1:35— 2:35— 3:35— 4:35— 5:35— 6:36 
—10:05  P.  M.      Sundays  only,  7:62  P.  H, 

§  Sundaya  excepted.     5[  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  anv  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  o'fflcea  883  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland ;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

April  22d.         Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F,  &  P.  Agt. 


D? THOMAS    HALUS 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oregon    Railway   and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH    :  1     and  VARIED  ROl  C 

'  ■     ■ 
■ 
Dp  th«  CoiamblA  '  -,w»ii* 

■  ,    Points,  and 

[10 the  i'.n<l  tioniiir   Division    To  v 

I   all    point*  id 

■ 

lp  ibe  Willamette  Vallej    To  Oregon  City, Saw, sad 

■■,'.■      .  .    , 
Down  the  <  ulnmlila     Ihi  ,  h  tiir.  -*iuoV-cne- 

r)1oA-t 
0%er   f«i  Png«l    Siimid      r  0 

I,  VI    oris  and  Belingh 
htnil  climate  ani 


?3 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dally  SJufcts  connect  with   trains  on  <'l:,rk'a. Fork  Division, 
IJUuoHla  and  all  neighboring  points, 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Ir.'iiici-i'ii  Office— 21d  HonlK<>nier)'  SI. 

1863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


)LEADING  OPTICIAN' 


135- 

iMONTG'Yl 


PEBBLE 


SPECTACLES 


ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

A  delightlul  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  ita  mediec!  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Part 
Wine,-  Wine  of  Pc  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

ilS^For  sale  everywhere  thrrouyhout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES'drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


mr?   4- a    (COn  ^r  da^'  a*  nome-     Samples  worth  ?5  free. 


Address  Stinson  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective  vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of  charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

»-AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE.  J& 


J.  D.  SPREGKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

....AOENT8    FOR.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Seed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


y  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUT^'---R-VP1Tprr^,ed--- 


Pure,  Mild,' 
Fragrant  and  Sweet.' 


..  ALLEN  &  GIKTER, 

Wnnnfttrtnrfr>.     mfhmr>ml       \n. 


NICOLL  f|  H  E  [ft  AIX.OR 
POPULAR    PRICES!  j 

LARGE    STOCK! 


LARGE    STOCK! 
CHOICE  WOOLEN 

Bamplea  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free 


NEW 

ENGLAND 

BAKING 

OWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


earn  Tartar  and  Bi-Cait  Soto 
NOTHING  ELSE 

lewtonBrosiCo. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


POPULAR    TAILQF 

Men's  and  Boys'  Men's 

A  Ready  Made   Chthing.  J^       And  Fancy  Neckwear. 
816  &  818  Market  Street,  Sail  Fraucisco. 


POPULAR    STYLES! 


Furnishing     Goods. 


AN 

fcraordinary 


Razor 


MBEEN  INVENTED    BY  THE    QUEEN'S 
*  fN  CO.  of  England.      The  edee  and  body 

fIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  R.E- 
3RLNDING,  Mid  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
'er  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
quite  a  luxury,  bt  is  CREATING  A 
EXCITEMENT  In  Europe  among  the 
fP#,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Jrojollars  in  buffalo  handle;  83  in  ivory. 
wnRazor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
Pel  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
M  ly  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
W  Sted  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
fPm ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  0.  D. 
Til  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
Wjf'Iheir  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
•0 1  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
PIJS,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
F  jie  quality  as  their  marvelousiy  wonderful 

fuNICHEFTp 

*'  Kid  Gloves  •*- 


AYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION 

ctory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

let  wy  and  Post San  Francisco 


»P 


1CANIG  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

».    SPKECKELS    &    BEO'S, 
3W     Market    Street, 

OWNERS  OF 

ickels'Line   of   Packets. 

V  kages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


™ip§:?3:RfLA-=N'    BALSAM 

OUKfcb  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold-,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

MONTfiOMEBV    STIIEET. 


DEPOT.    415 


For  sale  by  all  IM-u—lsts. 


B. 


tar  Ask    For 

ILLOWS    DEE 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

6UCCKSSOR  TO 

MASSEY    &    YUNG, 
No.    651    SACBAJIENTO    STBEET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       Si-V  FaAHCisco. 


JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior 


QUALITY. 


KOHLEB  a  CHASE,  137  lo  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
FISrilEB  and  (he  KHERSON  iMitnot. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Manic 
House-  on  the  Coast. 


H.  R.  Wiluak,  J  a, 

A    CARLISLE 


A.  CARLI8LK. 

&  CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STBEET, 

San    Fbanoisoo 


[MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
I  Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


I.   Moore, 
o  y 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.   It.  Hniil. 

San  Francisco. 


PuBNTisa  Sblby,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Undhrhill,  jR.,Sec'y. 


Selby    Smelting    and    Lead    Co. 

MiNITPACTURBRS   OP  

Lead  Pipe,  S  leet  lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead.  Solder,  Anti-Frlctlon  Metal,  Lead 
sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -      -      -      -      san    Francisco 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR 

WHITE 


GROCER    FOR   THE 

ROSE    FLOUTS 

HANIIFACTUBED    1ST    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


BST  See  loeal  notice  In  another  cola 


B-OI>D       KENTUCKY       WHISKFX^ 


IMMOND'S 


miflllllUMIIHIlM 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUR 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  In-.         $3,000,900 
4.&0U.000 


Reserve  V.  s.  Bonds    • 


Agency  at  New  York 62  WaJI  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Csmmercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  hae  special  facilities  for  dealing  In 
Bullion. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co. 


-OI.K   AGHNTrj   FOE 


"COLD  DUST"    WHISKEY 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Chlckerlng  &  Sons, Boston  ;  Bluthner.Leipzlg; 
F.  Xi.  Noumanu,  Hamburg;  G.  Bchwechten, 
Berlin, 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  BaN  FRAN0I8CG. 
J.  J.  Palmer,  Valkntinb  Rut. 

PALMER  &  KEY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

TPTfl  HUSSIES 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooms,  405«fc  407  SansomeSt.S.F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


09-DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "®» 


CRAIG     &      KREMPLE 

BU00E&BOB8      TO 

Craiq   and   Son, 

UNDE  RTAKE  RS 

And    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 

All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  3047. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


^HARDWOOD   LUMBER.- 


.    John    Wigmore, 

1*9    lo    U7    SPEIB    STBEET,    SAX     IBAVCISCO. 


a 

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W 

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W 

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CO 

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■-a 

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0  tn 
p.  o 


GO 

to 

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CD 

c+ 

CD 
CD 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  floods  House-132  Kearny  St.,s.S 


THE  UNIVERSAL 

BENEV_OLENT  ASSOCIA- 
TION of  California  for  Un-" 
married  Persons. 

OFFICE,  1038  MISSION    STREET. 


NO   CURE,      NO    PAY  I 

T\R.  MacLENHAN,  Vital  Cure,  224  Kearny  st 

■L^  Consultation  Free.  For  the  thorough  treatment 
and  quick  cure  of  all  curable  diseases  without  the  use 
of  poisonous  drags,  painful  surgery  or  dangerous 
treatment.  The  most  hopeless  cases  taken  and  cured 
after  all  other  means  have  failed.  $1,000  will  be 
given  for  any  of  our  published  testimonials  that  are 
not  genuine. 

Hon.  E.  C.  MARSHALL,  Attorney-General  for  Cal- 
ifornia, cured  by  Dr.  MacLennan  of  nervous  prostra- 
tion in  a  few  treatments. 

t  Hon.  CHAS.  CROCKER,  "  the  railroad  million- 
aire," cured  of  Rheumatism  in  three  treatments. 

Professorr  D.  GONZALIZ  was  given  up  by  his  phy- 
sician to  die  of  sapped  vitality  and  paralysis  ;  was 
carried  perfectly  helpless  to  Dr.  MacLennan  and  cur- 
ed, now  says—"  In  less  than  one  month  I  was  enabled 
to  resume  my  occupation  as  Professor  of  Music  and 
violinist  at  the  Tivoli  Opera  House,  and  ever  since  (for 
over  a  year)  have  continued  in  good  health,  without 
the  slightest  return  of  my  weakness  or  disease." 

Dr.  J.  WILMHURST,  M.  D.,  M.  R.  C.  8.,  now  at 
Abhotsford  House,  says — "  My  hearing  is  completely 
restored  by  Dr.  MacLennan's  manipulation  alone." 

Rev.  A.  C.  GILES,  Mendocino,  Cal.,  says— "  The 
effect  which  your  treatment  had  upon  me  is  truly 
wonderful.     Altogether  I  feel  like  a.  new  man." 

Miss  EMMA  JAMES,  San  Leandro,  Cal.,  for  six 
years  a  crippled  invalid,  unable  to  stand  or  walk  ; 
given  up  by  over  a  dozen  doctors  ;  took  two  weeks' 
treatment  of  Dr.  MacLennan  and  recovered. 

Mr.  A.  WALWORTH,  capitalist,  Nevada  City,  came 
to  Dt.  MacLennan  on  two  crutches  and  returned  home 
in  eight  davs  without  them 

Mr.  J.  S.  BURLINGAME  left  Eureka,  Nev.,  on  a 
stretcher.  After  taking  a  few  treatments  of  Dr.  Mac- 
Lennan be  returned  home  a  well  man. 

And  over  7,000  others,  which  will  be  sent  free  to 
any  address,  or  upon  application  at  the  office  of  the 
VITAL  CURE,  234  Kearny  St.  No  charges 
made  unless  a  cure  is  effected. 

OK.  J.  D.  Hat 1XN X  V.\, 

Consulting  Physician. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whoopicg  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    HASSMER,    833  Washington  St:,  car.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry. 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    SUITES    STREET, San  Francisco,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

S30  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Francisco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  ksurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,230.000 

HOME  OFFIOEi 
S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Saturnine  Sta. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
War.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Cabpenteb.  Assistant  Secretary. 


0.  L  HUTCHINSON.  H.  B.  MANU! 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome'Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED .".'.... $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Charmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  AgentB  and 
Adjusters.  Capt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  '*9%*£3^  MA.RINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANC  IStO. 
Capital,    j        ;        ;    $300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  LTaylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vlce-Pres. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinnart,  R.  D.  Chandler.  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKlnnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


S.J.    PEMBROKE,     Wat^^WMd  JeW^M^C^CT'^ufFS°BCald  Art  Brlc-a-Br^  repaired,    212    O'FARRELL    ST.,    SftfiSSi. 


PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


LIFE  SCHOLARSHIP  FOR  A  FULL  BUSINESS  COURSE,  $70. 


THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTEE. 

BEST 

Regulated, 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE 

ON  TEE 

Pacific  Coast, 


HEADS 

— op — 

Families 

(Of  moderate  means) 

CAN  OIVB 

THEIR  SOUS 

A 

Grood  Business 

EDUCATION 

AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 

SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR. 


VIEW  OF  ACTUAL  BUSINESS  DEPARTMENT   OF  PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 


FtqIs,  CHAMllRJLAm  &  ROBINSON; 

320  POST  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 


CVOL.  10. 


X?3  56 


£#?&?£/)  *r  r//f  /vsr  ayvcs  jrsMffitvf/sco.M.  w#  /fw/rva  sv#  r/rj/vs/yr/ss/o//  T7//r<x/G#  7]j/£-/mms  jr  sscowff  (vsss  tfjres 


The     Burning     River    Falling     Into    a    Lake 


2 


THE     WASP 


FOREIGN    FUN. 


FRENCH. 

Overheard  at  at  a  concert  : 

Enthusiastic  Gentleman. — This  orchestra  has 
very  fine  musicians. 

Critical  Lady.—  Yes,  no  doubt.  But  when  they 
play  it  sounds  like  only  one  violin.  There  is  no 
individuality  ! 


Henry,  twelve  years  old,  takes  a  case  of  cigarettes 
-  -from  his  pocket  and  offers  it  to  his  grandfather. 
Indignant  Grandfather. — I  never  smoke,  sir  ! 
know  that  I 

Henky  (very  calmly). — Oh  !  then  I  wouldn't  in- 
duce you  to  begin  at  your  age  ! 


The    Merchant    of    Love. 

"  Come    buy  !     Come  bny  these  birds  that  Loves    are 
called  ! 

Here  jealous  love  and  timid  love  are  carried  '  " 
"  They're  out  of  fashion,  held  no  more  enthralled." 
"  Here's  grumbling  love  !  "     "I  leave  it  to  the  married.'' 
"  Here  calm  love  is  !  "     "It  is  not  for  my  age. 

But  tell  me,  have  you  not  within  a  cage 

The  love  that's  constant ''  "     "  Of  old  age  he's  dead. 

Come  buy  !    Come  buy  !    AH  other  birds  above  !  "' 
"  Each  for  himself  !     I'll  take  a  fickle  love." 


Little  Valentine,  after  a  long  contemplation  of 
himself  before  a  great  mirror  :  "  No,  I  am  not 
handsome."  Then  with  an  ineffable  Bmile  :  "  But 
when  I  get  big  I  will  make  myself  a  head  !  " 

GERMAN. 

"  Is  the  Baron  at  home  ?  " 

"  No,  he  told  me  to  tell  you  he  had  just  gone 
out !  " 

"  Indeed  '.  Very  well,  now  you  give  the  Baron 
rny  compliments  and  say  I  have  not  been  here." 


Woman's  age  is  a  clock  that  in  youth  is  always 
fast  but  in  later  years  is  always  behind  time. 

u  What  impression  have  you  made  on  your 
adored  one  1    Does  she  like  you  ?  " 

"  I  should  say  so  !  She  always  laughs  when  I 
come  into  the  room." 


Scene. — Lady  and  visitor  in  the  parlor.  A  half- 
open  door  shows  the  library  where  a  gentleman  sits 
absorbed  in  his  books. 

Miss  Loulse. — Why  are  you  so  sad  dear 
Augusta  ? 

Mrs.  Augusta.— Only  see  that  pile  of  books,  and 
almost  every  week  brings  one  like  it. 

Miss  Louise. — But  you  are  in  such  comfortable 
circumstances  that  your  husband  can  be  allowed 
this  fancy. 

Mrs.  Augusta.— Oh  !  that  is  not  what  troubles 
me.  He  may  buy  all  the  books  he  wants,  but  only 
think — the  monster  reads  them  all,  too  ! 

Ambiguous  certificate. 

"  Magdalena  Staubwedel,  native  of  Madgeburg, 
was  six  months  in  the  hospital  under  my  treatment, 
and  since  that  is  much  run  down. 

"  Dr.  Kramperl." 


Height  of  gallantry. 

Gentleman  in  a  Railroad  Coupe. — Madam, 
will  you  have  the  goodness  to  close  your  eyes  ?  I 
am  so  tired  I  would  gladly  sleep  some. 


Sorrow's  limit.     No   man   is   so   unhappy   that 
toothache  can  make  him  cheerful. 


Lii'DLORD. — Now  you  owe  me  for  two  months. 
I  tell  you  I  cannot  wait  any  longer.  If  you  have 
no  money  to  pay  rent,  then  buy  yourself  a  house  '. 
Understand  > 


There  are  people   who   would   complain   that   a 
shipwreck  wet  them. 


A. — When  you  go  back  to  the  city  are  you  sure 
of  acquaintances  waiting  for  you  at  the  depot  ? 

B.— I  think  so — even  my  bootmaker  and  my 
tailor. 


A  man  thirty-three  years  old,  of  portly  figure, 
orator  and  party  leader,  by  the  choice  of  the  people 
member  of  a  parliamentary  body,  wishes  to  estab- 
lish a  home.  Addresses  of  ladies  with  large  prop- 
erty can  be  sent  in  confidence  to  W.  —  Boiin  Ad- 
vertisement. 


for  the  photograph  that  you  sent  me  in  your  laBt 
letter.  You  must  have  gained  greatly  during  these 
years,  for  I  had  to  pay  extra  postage  on  your  pic- 
ture because  it  was  so  heavy.  More  next  time 
from  your  true  friend,  Anastasius. 


Singular    complaint.      "  Alas,    when    one    can 
have  in  no  minute  a  quiet  quarter  of  an  hour  !  " 
Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson. 


with  the  avidity  of  a  tramp  yearning  for  cold  meat. 
A  man  will  live  longer  and  thrive  better  with  only 
one  skin  than  with  only  one  lung.  That  proves 
the  truth  of  our  proposition. 


PETERED     OUT, 


The  essence  of  almonds  is  now  made  from  ben- 
zine, and  the  objections  of  those  who  consider  the 
juice  of  cockroaches  unwholesome  have  ''melted 
like  snow  in  the  glance  of  the  Lord."  The  cock- 
roaches consider  it  an  improvement  too. 


If  there  is  a  picture  of  desolation,  says  a  writer 
in  the  Burlington  Hawkeye,  it  is  an  oil  town  that 
has  been  left ;  that  has  2one  off  by  itself  and  died. 
The  dismantled  derricks  stand  about  like  so  many 
tombstones.  The  deserted  houses,  with  their  shat- 
tered windows,  look  as  though  the  crowd,  flying 
away  to  new  oil  fields,  had  cruelly  put  out  the  eyes 
of  the  old  town  lest  it  should  follow.  The  doors 
hang  in  crippled  fashion  on  paralyzed  hinges  ;  they 
have  forgotten  their  old  hospitality  of  the  "  flush 
times"  ;  there  is  neither  welcome  nor  rejection  in 
their  half-open  attitude,  but  they  look  as  though 
they  stood  ajar  to  save  the  ghosts  the  trouble  of 
hunting  for  the  key-hole.  The  dismal  creak  of  the 
walking-beam  is  succeeded  by  a  quiet  infinitely 
more  dismal.  The  merry  song  of  the  rigger  has 
ceased,  and  the  voice  of  the  nomadic  slugger  mingles 
no  longer  with  the  defiant  shout  of  the  rustler.  The 
gin-mill  has  passed  away  and  no  longer  runs,  even 
on  a  single  shift.  The  chimneys  topple  over  and 
wear  the  disheartened  look  of  a  hat  out  of  season. 
Even  the  tramps  shun  the  town  and  there  is  a  gen- 
eral look  of  a  linen  duster  in  December  about  the 
settlement.  Usually  one  or  two  of  the  poorest 
houses  are  inhabited  by  dejected  families,  who  seem 
to  wonder  what  the)'  are  staying  there  for.  I  have 
often  wondered  why  the  few  people  who  remain  in 
the  deserted  oil  town  did  not  move  into  the  best 
houses,  but  they  never  do.  They  are  usually  peo- 
ple who  are  too  dolefully  poor  to  follow  the  crowd 
to  the  new  oil  fields,  and  when  they  stay  behind 
they  remain  in  their  own  houses.  They  take  the 
fences  and  the  shutters,  and  porches  and  floors 
from  the  property  of  their  absent  wealthier  neigh- 
bors for  firewood,  but  it  never  Beems  to  occur  to 
them  to  move  into  the  mansions  and  burn  up  their 
own  hovels.  I  don't  know  what  they  do  for  a  liv- 
ing.    I  often  wonder  that  they  don't  start  a  saloon. 


WOOING     AND    WINNING, 


On  a   postal-card  :  Dear   Friend.     Best    thaake 


' '  Probably  there  is  no  instance,"  said  Sir  Arthur 
Helps,  "  in  which  any  two  lovers  have  made  love 
exactly  in  the  same  way  as  any  two  other  lovers 
since  the  world  began." 

True  !  Barkis  insinuated.  Vivien  charmed 
Merlin.  Alexander  made  a  bonfire  for  Thais. 
Bassanio  soft-soldered  Portia  with  a  leaden  casket. 
The  garrulous  female  in  the  Arabian  Nights  told 
her  husband  stories.  Hippomenes  had  a  close  race 
for  Atlanta,  but  he  played  the  apple  game  on  her. 
In  the  Polynesian  Islands  they  win  their  hearts  by 
beating  their  heads  with  a  shillelagh.  Harry  the 
Eighth  and  Bluebeard  were  off  with  the  head  of 
the  old  love  before  they  were  on  with  the  new. 
Newton  poked  down  the  tobacco  in  his  pipe  with 
his  sweetheart's  finger — a  warm  token  of  affection. 
Tristram  did  it  mostly  with  the  harp,  and  was  like- 
wise a  good  liar.  His  two  Isoldes  were  too  many 
for  him.  Bothwell  was  inclined  to  Mary,  and 
locked  her  up  in  his  castle.  Cobbett's  wife  caught 
him  by  the  grace  with  which  she  used  her  wash- 
tub — she  was  never  known  to  use  it  after  the  wed- 
ding. Sam  Romilly,  the  famous  lawyer,  killed 
himself  because  his  wife  died,  while  a  good  many 
others  kill  themselves  because  they  will  not  die. 
Nicholas  of  Russia  wanted  to  "  pop  ::  at  the  dinner 
table,  but  didn't  like  to  be  caught  at  it,  so  he  im- 
bedded a  ring  in  a  lump  of  bread  and  handed  it  to 
her.  Charlemagne's  secretary7  was  caught  by  a  snow- 
storm "  sparking  "  the  Emperor's  daughter  at  mid- 
night, and  she  carried  him  home  on  her  back,  so 
that  his  footsteps  shouldn't  be  traced.  The  Em- 
peror heard  of  it  and  saddled  him  on  her  for  the 
balance  of  her  life. 


It  is  now  known  that  Man  has  existed  for  at 
least  200,000  years  and  Woman  for  as  much  as 
150,000.  • 

The  best  climate  requires  that  at  least  thirty  pel- 
cent,  of  the  earth's_  surface  shall  be  covered  with 
forest,  and  the  best  tree  for  the  forest  is  the 
Eucalyptus  disyustifulium.  Only  a  very  mild  and 
gentlemanly  climate  will  stay  where  it  grows. 


Opium  acts  upon  the  brain,  but  strychnia  gets  in 
its  best  work  on  the  portion  of  the  spinal  marrow 
inclosed  in  the  lumbar  vertebras. 


Some  kind  of  butterflies  have  no  digestive 
apparatus  and  take  no  kind  of  nourishment,  their 
eating  has  all  been  done  in  the  caterpillar  state. 
That  rather  "  knocks  out  "  some  of  the  tine  senti- 
ment about  Mr.  Butterfly  :  he  is  pretty,  but  the 
grub  has  the  best  time. 

Some  of  the  old  cypress  trunks  of  the  Mississippi 
Delta  are  twenty-five  feet  in  diameter.  The  men 
living  in  their  section  of  the  country  at  the  time 
they  flourished  must  have  been  considered  great 
liars  by  the  primitive  tribes  of  Massachusetts  and 
New  York. 


The  bones  of  a  dodo,  a  mastodon,  a  cloven-footed 
horse,  a  winged  baboon  and  a  member  of  the  Cali- 
fornia Academy  of  Sciences  have  been  found  under 
live  hundred  feet  of  gravel  in  Tuolumne  county. 
It  is  supposed  that  during  some  great  convulsion  of 
nature  a  land  slide  buried  a  menagerie — kept  by 
the  mastodon. 


To  test  your  red  wine  in  order  to  see  if  it  has 
betn  colored  artificially,  put  a  little  nitric  acid  in 
it.  If  it  has  been  colored  artificially  the  color  will 
either  change  or  it  will  not — scientists  disagree 
about  that.  The  main  thing  is  to  be  careful  not 
to  drink  the  wine  that  you  have  put  the  nitric  acid 


The  important  discovery  has  been  made  that  the 
common  housefly  (Mitsca  Deodamnata)  vibrates  its 
wings  330  times  in  a  second.  The  costly  and  deli- 
cate registering  apparatus  constructed  for  the  pur- 
pose of  determining  this  fact  is  for  sale.  By  the 
addition  of  another  dial-plate  it  may  be  used  for 
ascertaining  the  velocity  of  agitation  in  a  lamb's 
tail,  to  the  unspeakable  advancement  of  science. 


After  long  and  expensive  experiments,  a  sacanl 
in  Spain  has  ascertained  that  oranges  will  make 
more  wine,  pound  for  pound,  than  grapes,  that  it 
is  of  better  color  and  will  keep  in  any  climate.  All 
the  men  to  whom  he  has  forwarded  samples  have 
certified  that  it  will  keep  forever,  so  far  as  they  are 
concerned. 


POPULAR     SCIENCE. 


The  skin  of  animals  is  only  an  outer  lung.  In 
man  the  greater  part  of  the  breathing  is  done 
'through    the  skin,   which    reaches  out  for  oxygen 


It  has  been  discovered  that  the  sandB  of  the 
Sahara  desert  need  nothing  but  irrigation  to  make 
them  singularly  fertile.  The  discovery  was  made 
accidentally.  A  man  that  had  got  left  by  a  cara- 
van while  playing  a  game  of  pedro  at  a  corner 
grocery,  sat  down  on  a  stone  to  lament  his  fate  and 
wept  himself  to  sleep.  When  he  waked  he  found 
himself  enclosed  in  such  a  j  ungle  of  vegetation  that 
had  sprung  up  when  his  tears  had  watered  the 
plain  that  he  had  to  cut  his  way  out  with  a.ship- 
carpenters's  broad-axe,  which  he  had  thoughtfully 
brought  along  with  him.  He  at  once  advertised  in 
the  local  papers  for  five  hundred  lone  widows  to 
weep  on  his  ranch.  The  king  of  that  country, 
having  just  made  five  hundred  widows,  sent  them 
down  from  the  capital  by  the  afternoon  train  and 
the  advertiser  began  operations  with  a  pumpkin 
seed.  Unfortunately  the  widows  were  so  charmed 
by  the  prospect  of  abundant  pumpkin  pies  that 
they  could  not  weep,  and  the  most  promising 
agricultural  enterprise  of  the  age  was  knocked  out 
in  one  round. 


THE    WASP. 


THE     MILLINERY    POET. 


A  sonnet 
To  a  bonnet — 
A  dainty  little  wisp 
Fresh  and  crisp 
From  the  store. 
With  a  row  of  pansies  r.n  it. 
Nothing  more  ! 
And  in  every  modest  fold 

Was  a  quaint  and  quiet  grace, 
I. ike  a  dormer  window  old 
With  a  maiden's  tender  face 
In  the  place 
U  hare  the  sunbeams  glinted  through 
And  the  saucy  swallow  flew 
From  the  chase. 
And  I  fear 
When  I'm  near 
The  Jainty  little  dame 
In  the  dormer  window  frame 
That  my  foolish  fancy  flies 

To  the  skies, 
And  ray  every  waking  dream 

Is  with  tender  musings  fraught 
'in  this  fascinating  them.- 
And  she's  never  from  my  thought 
For  a  minute. 
And  1  wonder  if  I  dare 
Build  a  castle  in  the  air 
Witli  a  modest  little  dormer  window  in  it  ? 

Su„  Fraacitco.  Hay  SI,  1S8S.  vsshe. 


Ol  BSELVE8. 


The  steady  increase  in  the  circulation  of  the 
'<*,.  during  the  past  quarter  of  the  present  year 
.gratifying  to  ourselves  and  advantageous  to  our 
ivertisers.  The  subjoined  figures  relate  to  sub- 
inptions  only,  not  sales  : 

■acreage  during  the  month  or  March.  322 
Increase  .iurlna  tile  month  of  t„r1l,  . .  4o« 
Increase  from  1st  to  24th  May,    -    ...    :t;<! 


Total  for  the  Quarter. 


The  Wasp  has  the  largest  circulation  of  any 
eekly  paper  published  west  of  the  Rocky  Mount- 
ns—nearly  14,000  copies-and  penetrates  to  every 
hrt  of  the  Pacific  Coast. 


CHAFF, 

It  was  a  surprise  to  many  people  that  his  man- 
;er  should  have  employed  so  expensive  an  actress 
Modjeska  to  support  Billy  Muldoon,  the  bril- 
int  wrest  er  in  his  great  part  of  "  Charles  "  in 
a  Hon  Like  It  I  need  only  remind  these,  how- 
N't>-S  tv  ,e, the  exPensive  Modjeska  may  make 
r.  Billy  Muldoon's  engagement  as  "  Charles  " 
lprontable,  the  advertisement  it  gives  him  makes 
8  strictly  professional  engagement  to  wrestle  with 
onald  Dinme  sufficiently  profitable  to  justify  even 
.6  service  of  a  Modjeska  to  work  up  the  public, 
lere  appears  to  be  a  germ  of  a  great  growth  in 
nusement  in  this  innovation.  Whereas  now  it  is 
ven  to  only  a  few  favored  Eastern  cities  to  profit 
'  the  Performance  of  John  L.  Sullivan,  Mitchell, 
ag  W  llson,  and  other  transcendent  stars  of  the 
T  "?!' ' ,°y  U81nS  the  waste  material  offered  by 
bhn  McCullough,  Lawrence  Barrett,  George 
Jpnco  and  others  of  that  class,  even  we  of  the 
fstant  Pacific  Slope  can  be  educated  up  to  the 
bauties  of  Sullivan's  right-handers  and  Mitchell's 
it  counters.  For  instance  three  rounds,  Queens- 
firy  rules  to  govern,  between  Sullivan  and  Bar- 
ftt,  after  the  ghost  scene,  would  infuse  new  life 
hd  spirit  into  a  performance  of  Mamlet.  Then 
|Ould  come  the  announcement  "  after  this  per- 
Srmance  Mr.  Sullivan  will  undertake  to  knock  out 
arry  Maynard  at  Patsy  Hogan's  Boxing  Parlors, 
ling  his  left  hand  only  ;  admission  four  dollars." 
he  spirit  of  progress  has  at  last  got  its  lively  grip 
i  our  theatrical  managers,  and  the  future  bloometh 
itn  visions  of  bloody  noses  and  bunged  eyes. 

A  not  over  scrupulous  nor  popular  attorney  of 
ua  city  one  time  was  retained  by  an  embezzler 
ho  had  presented  to  himself  86,000— it  was  from 
;e  Mint,  I  think.  The  embezzler  entrusted  the 
5,000  to  his  Attorney,  stood  trial  and,  much  to 
is  surprise,  was  convicted  and  sent  to  prison.  He 
istructed  his  Attorney  to  deduct  a  fee  from  the 
3,000  and  turn  over  the  balance  to  his— the  em- 


bezzler-s-f  amily .  The  Attorney,  however,  pocketed 
the  entire  Bum,  and  the  embezzler,  even  in  prison 
proceeded  to  make  it  very  warm  for  him  bv  freely 
circulating  the  whole  story.  The  Attorney  went 
about  working  up  a  boom  of  sympathy  on  his  own 
behalf  ;  relating  how  he  had  defended  the  em- 
bezzler m  the  Police  Court,  before  the  Grand  Jury 
in  the  District  Court,  appealed  the  case,  etc  He 
told  the  whole  story  to  the  late  Judge  Lake  and 
ended  by  asking  :  "  Now  don't  you  think  $0,000 
was  a  reasonable  charge  for  what  I  did  for  him  ?  " 
I  am  compelled  to  think,'1  Judge  Lake  re- 
sponded, "  that  the  man  might  have  been  convicted 
for  less." 


Maro  P.  Kay,  late  Deputy  Clerk  of  Alameda 
County,  pleaded  guilty  to  the  charge  of  forgery  and 
was  sentenced  to  14  years  imprisonment.  I  am 
told  that  he  was  induced  to  plead  guilty,  upon  the 
promise  that  in  such  case  the  prosecution  would 
withdraw  the  graver  charge  of  having  resided  in 
Oakland.  This  bargaining  with  double-dyed  crimi- 
nals makes  easy  work  for  prosecuting  attorneys,  but 
amounts  to  nothing   less   than   encouragement  tb 


In  a  book  called  "  Wealth  Creation,"  Augustus 
Mongredien  defines  wealth  as  "  all  such  objects  of 
human  desire  as  are  obtained  by  human  exertions." 
If  this  be  indeed  true— and  Harry  George  may  be 
all  wrong— then  a  dude  who,  by  exertion  in  the 
matter  of  bouquet  throwing,  has  made  a  real  solid 
mash  on  a  ballet  girl,  is  in  a  fair  way  of  obtaining 
more  "  wealth  "  than  Charles  Crocker  ever  possibly 
can.  r  J 


Speaking  of  definitions  :  someone— a  bigger  fool 
than  I,  for  he  wrote  the  book  and  I  only  read  it — 
in  "  A  Study  in  Psychology,"  defines  experience  as 
a  "  mental  event  which  generates  irratiocinative, 
non-hallucinative,  uncommunicated  knowledge." 
This  seriously  strikes  me  as  applicable  to  but  one 
experience  ;  that  of  a  young  husband  getting  over 
a  bad  drunk.  He  has  suddenly  become  non- 
hallncinative  to  his  wife,  and  is  decidedly  uncom- 
municative, to  the  same  person,  as  to  the  eventB  of 
the  night  before. 


This  is  a  novel  by  William  Black  : 

A  very  ingenuous  youth, 

Forsooth, 
Is  in  love  with  a  pretty  girl — ■ 

A  pearl 
Whom  he  leaves  alone  at  her  home, 

Midst  foam, 
On  an  Island  richly  shored. 

She's  bored, 
Falls  in  love  with  a  high-toned  cuss  ; 

First  fuss. 

The  ingenuous  youth,  alone, 

Ohone  ! 
In  big  London  town  cuts  a  dash  ; 

Makes  a  mash 
On  an  utterly  too-too  staid 

Old  maid. 
Pretty  girl  and  the  cuss,  you  bet 

They  get 
Married  quick,  and  the  youth  bereft 

Gets  left. 


Some  delving  scholar  has  discovered  that  there  is 
a  very  close  resemblance  between  a  certain  old 
Greek  story  and  Rip  Van  Winkle.  That's  going  a 
long  way  back  to  trace  a  plagiarism,  but  it  is  noth- 
ing at  all  compared  to  a  discovery  I  made  of  a  very 
close  resemblance  between  a  certain  opinion  ex- 
pressed by  Frank  Pixley  the  week  before  last  and 
an  opinion,  on  the  same  subject,  expressed  by 
Frank  Pixley  last  week. 


There  appears  to  be  nothing  for  the  Pope  to  do 
now  but  take  it  all  back,  and  say  he  is  sorry  he 
ever  opened  his  holy  lips  ferninst  the  Parnell  fund. 
On  Monday  evening  last  young  Robert  Tobin  and 
Mr.  Edward  Foley  of  this  city  severely  disapproved 
of  the  Pope's  circular  letter,  Mr.  Foley  threatening 
to  withdraw  his  allegiance  to  Rome — wherefor  he 
was  loudly  cheered  by  the  listening  National 
Leaguers.  But  seriously,  young  Mr.  Robert  Tobin 
should  have  a  care  how  he  pitches  into  anyone  be- 
sides the  English.  I  do  not  know  just  what  office 
the  young  man  is  cultivating  the  National  League 
in  search  of,  but  whatever  it  is  he  should  more 
closely  follow  the  example  of  Judge   Toohy,  who 


barely  succeeded  in  digging  a  superior  judgeship 
out  of  his  long  flirtation  with  the  League,  and  yet 
never  once  abused  anything  but  the  iron  heel  of 
British  tyranny  whose  mailed  hand  clutched  the 
down-trodden  neck  of  the  Irish  farmer. 

Once  more  the  grand  universal  law  by  which  all 
things  are  said  to  be  set  even  has  been  signally  de- 
monstrated.    On  Saturday  last  Tom  Flynn,  of  the 

paucaKonaJJ "',  who  fur  years  has  been  strewing 

Mission  Bay  with  wrecks  effected  by  his  deadly 
wherry,  was  run  into  by  an  avenging  Whitehall, 
while  practicing  in  his  shell,  and  nearly  drowned  by 
the  resulting  upset.  More  exact  justice  would 
have  been  done  if  Flynn  had  been  run  into  by 
Mission  Rock  or  the  Railroad  wharf. 


Probably  the  most  painful  moment  in  the  life  of 
Phil.  Roach  was  when,  on  Wednesday,  he  heard  of 
the  death  of  the  Swiss  miser  who  left  880,000  in 
good  hard  coin,  but  also,  alas  1  left  a  good  will  dis 
posing  of  it  all.  Are  there  no  rights  'belonging  to 
Public  Administrators  that  dying  misers  are  bound 
to  respect  ?  T. 


SHOWS     FOR     THE     PEOPLE, 


Jerry  Dunn,  the  murderer  of  Elliot,  the  pugilist, 
has  just  been  exhibited  in  a  leading  Eastern 
theatre.  Ford,  the  ditto  of  Jesse  James  has  been 
coining  money  by  showing  himself  in  public 
("lecturing,"  we  believe)  for  many  montfiB  past, 
and  half-a-dozen  other  unhung  villains  of  less  re- 
nown are  caracoling  about  the  country  iu  the 
same  line  of  business.  It  seems  to  us  that  since 
the  taste  of  the  American  people  runs  so  strongly 
in  this  direction  our  authorities  might  make  the 
State  Prison  a  paying  institution  without  bothering 
any  more  over  the  vexed  question  of  convict  labor. 
We  have  in  San  Quentin  as  choice  a  selection  of 
red-handed  miscreants  as  any  jail  in  the  world  can 
boast  of.  Why  not  advertise  them  for  hire,  plac- 
ing the  theatrical  managers  and  showman  who  en- 
gage their  services  under  bonds  for  their  safe  re- 
turn. The  price  would  of  course  have  to  be  regu- 
lated according  to  the  attractions  the  prisoner  could 
offer.     Something  like  this,  for  instance  : 

Patrick  Flannaoan. —  Disemboweled  his  wife 
and  family  ;  roasted  his  mother-in-law,  and 
chewed  up  the  gallows  on  which  he  would 
otherwise  have  been  hanged.  $1,000  for  each 
exhibition. 

Michael  O'Brien. — Rape  and  incest.  Shot  the 
arresting  officer.     Broke  jail  twice.   $750. 

Patrick  McCarthy. — Burglaryand  mayhem.  $500. 

Michael  O'Flaherty. — Arson  and  grand  larceny. 
$300. 

Patrick  Donohue.  — Robbery  with  violence.    $100. 

Michael  Kelly  and  400  others — Embezzlement. 
50  cents  each. 

Of  course  these  are  only  a  few  out  of  the  innum- 
erable classes  that  might  be  offered  to  the  show- 
men. For  some  unnamable  crimes  a  much  larger 
price  could  be  charged,  because  the  show  might  be 
made  private  and  forbidden  by  the  police,  in  which 
case  most  of  our  prominent  capitalists  would  pay  a 
hundred  dollars  entrance  fee. 


On  Wednesday  morning  last,  when  the  turnkey  of 
the  County  Jail  entered  the  boudoir  of  Mr.  John 
S.  Gray  he  did  not  discover  the  Cyclopean  bulk  of 
that  gentleman,  and  straightway  exalted  his  voice 
in  utterances  of  alarm  which  convened  the  whole 
personnel  of  the  establishment.  After  a  hasty 
search  of  the  boudoir,  Mr.  Gray  was  discovered 
cowering  behind  a  cigar  stump,  with  an  expression 
of  terror  plainly  discernible  with  a  microscope. 
Explanations  ensued  :  some  heedless  trusty  had 
handed  him  a  copy  of  a  morning  newspaper  wherein 
the  poor  man  had  read  the  sentence  of  Mr.  Maro 
P.  Kay,  Deputy  Clerk  of  Alameda,  to  fourteen 
years  in  the  penitentiary  for  forgery.  "  Why,  you 
infernal  fool,"  said  the  Sheriff,  "that 'was  in  Oak- 
land ;  you  are  to  be  tried  in  San  Francisco  before 
one  of  our  own  judges  ! "  The  pallor  began  to  go 
away  from  Mr.  Gray's  countenance,  and  a  whole- 
some glow  went  into  camp  there.  He  drew  up  his 
manly  form  to  a  height  of  six  inches  and  visibly 
txpanded.  He  put  on  a  smile  of  restored  confi- 
dence, as  beautiful  as  the  holy  light  upon  a  beef- 
steak, and  the  fine  lines  of  his  periphery  continued 
momentarily  to  wax.  At  last  accounts  he  was  as 
big  as  a  gallon  of  soap  and  as  saucy  as  a  spring 
lamb. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, MAY    26,    1883. 

PUBLISHED    EVERT  SATURDAY,   AT  540  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA  ST.,  BELOW   KEARNY.    BY 

E.   C.    MACFARLAM    &    CO., 
Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBEKS: 

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Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
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Company. 


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for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 


The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp  :  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.  W.  A.  Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 


Ho  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


The  Central  Pacific  Railroad  Company,  it  ap- 
pears, ha3  established  immigration  agencies  at 
Chicago,  London,  Bordeaux,  Berlin,  St.  Petersburg, 
Jerusalem,  Bagdad  and  Peking.  In  each  of  these 
places  a  trusty  agent  is  to  be  always  on  exhibition 
to  state  the  exact  truth  about  California,  its  climate, 
soil,  productions,  politics,  taxes,  railroads  and  fleas. 
The  benevolent  gentlemen  who,  from  purely  disin- 
terested motives,  have  undertaken  this  great  work 
do  not  believe  in  a  policy  of  misrepresentation — 
they  say  so  themselves.  It  is  pleasing  to  note  that 
their  efforts  have  met  with  prompt  approval  and 
encouragement  from  such  public-spirited  philan- 
thropists as  Mr.  John  Boggs,  Messrs.  Miller  &  Lux 
and  many  other  gentlemen  able  to  render  substan- 
tial aid  by  large  offerings  of  land  on  what  they  con- 
sider reasonable  terms.  (We  are  ourselves  in 
thorough  sympathy  with  the  scheme,  and  shall  be 
happy  to  assist  by  soliciting  subscriptions  and  ad- 
vertisements among  the  immigrants  as  fast  as  they 
arrive  in  any  considerable  quantity.)  The  pro- 
moters of  this  noble  enterprise  have  some  millions 
of  acres  of  land  in  California  and  Nevada,  for 
which  they  never  rendered  an  equivalent,  and  are 
now  trying  to  steal  several  millions  more  in  Texas. 
The  best  of  the  lands  that  they  hold  have  been  for 
years  kept  out  of  the  market.  Bond  fide  settlers 
who  had  acquired  title  before  the  grants  have  been 
unrighteously  dispossessed.  Men  whom  themselves 
have  encouraged  to  settle  on  their  desert  acres,  and 
who  have  transformed  them  into  gardens,  have  had 
to  submit  to  the  exacting  terms  of  a  growing  greed 
and  a  broken  faith.  Concurrently  with  these  ini- 
quities they  have  maintained  such  traffic  rates  as 
have  handicapped  every  interest  of  the  Coast,  from 
agriculture  to  the  incubation  of  canary  birds,  and 
have  so  corrupted  our  politics  and  courts  that  our 
laws,  made  by  lawless  legislators  and  enforced  by 
judges  destitute  of  judgment,  afford  no  protection 
to  property,  life  or  character.  With  a  boundless 
gluttony  and  a  malevolent  ingenuity  for  its  pur- 
veyor, they  have  made  this  State  as  nearly  unin- 
habitable as  they  were  able.  And  now  they  stand 
forth  and  with  a  flourish  of  trumpets  proclaim  their 
selfish  scheme  of  luring  additional  victims  to  their 
trap  a  great  public  benefaction.  There  is  colder 
cheek  than  this,  bat  the  man  who  has  it  has  been 
some  days  dead. 


That  California  needs  immigration  is  admitted, 
aud.we  heartily  favor  any  honorable  plan,  selfish 


or  unselfish,  to  attract  it.  Immigration  of  the  right 
kind  helps  our  business  and  everybody's  business, 
and  he  who  has  interests  here  would  be  a  fool  to 
oppose  it.  But  this  scheme  of  the  Central  Pacific. 
Railroad  Company  affronts  the  understanding.  It 
is  advertised  in  terms  that  challenge  our  intelli- 
gence. To  what  one  act  in  its  history  can  the 
Company  point  that  will  give  credibility  to  a  state- 
ment like  this  ?  "  The  railroad's  land  bureau  is 
"  engaged  in  revising  the  prices  of  the  company's 
"  lands.  The  company,  however,  assures  parties 
"  having  land  for  sale  that  lies  near  its  own  that  it 
"  will  not  give  its  own  property  preference  over 
"  other  lands  offered  for  sale."  The  public  knows 
better.  The  Railroad  people  know  that  it  knows 
better.  They  know  that  it  knows  that  they  never 
failed  to  grasp  any  advantage,  fair  or  unfair,  that 
their  control  of  any  situation  gave  to  their  hands. 
T»  believe,  in  the  light  of  their  character  and  acts, 
that  they  have  set  up  an  expensive  machinery  out- 
side the  State  and  the  country  with  a  design  of 
admitting  other  landowners  to  an  equal  share  in 
its  profits  is  to  be  a  fool.  Their  plan  of  inducing 
immigration,  the  statements  made  to,  and  the 
terms  made  with,  immigrants  will  be  based  upon 
the  fundamental  idea  of  selling  their  own  lands. 
To  say  this  is  only  to  give  them  credit  for  the 
possession  of  common-sense  and  common  business 
sagacity.  To  an  enterprise  so  conducted  by  honest 
men  there  would  be  no  objections  and  many  public 
advantages  ;  we  should  like  to  see  an  industrious 
and  contented  family  on  every  fifty  acres  of  what 
are  now  railroad  lands.  But  these  are  not  honest 
men.  They  lie  and  they  cheat.  Their  dealings 
with  settlers  have  ever  been  characterized  by  a 
multitude  of  rapacities.  They  akin  their  -  clients 
and  sell  them  back  the  skins  at  an  advance.  They 
will  settle  the  immigrants  along  their  lines 
and  take  the  entire  profit  of  their  industry  for  car- 
rying their  crops  to  market.  In  three  years  the 
people  that  they  have  tumbled  from  the  frying  pan 
into  the  fire  will  be  fighting  them  on  a  crust  of 
bread  and  a  cold  potato. 


The  rupture  between  the  Pope  and  the  only 
people  that  has  for  some  time  honored  him  with  a 
real  and  sincere  allegiance  is  a  significant  incident 
in  its  relation  to  "  the  kingdom  of  God  upon 
earth. "  It  shows  in  a  signal  way  that  ecclesiasti- 
cism  holds  the  world's  conscience  with  a  relaxing 
grasp  ;  or,  as  with  a  coarser  directness  of  speech 
it  may  be  expressed,  has  "lost  its  grip."  The 
Roman  See  is  out  of  favor  everywhere — has  been 
shorn  of  its  temporal  power,  its  territorial  posses- 
sions, its  monastic  and  conventual  properties.  It 
is  treated  with  cool  contempt  in  Rome  and  polite 
indifference  in  Paris.  And  now  Dublin  tells  it  to 
hold  its  tongue  and  mind  its  business.  Deprived 
of  the  material  supports  and  visible  adjuncts  of 
temporal  power,  the  Pope  is  deserted  by  his 
staunchest  following  and  can  only  sit  and  scold 
like  an  old  woman  with  a  broken  birch. 


It  is  believed  that  the  last  faint  hope  of  averting 
bloodshed  between  the  Sandlot.  and  the  Freemasons 
has  perished  in  the  melancholy  certainty  of  mutual 
extermination.  The  Sandlot  demands  that  the 
lions'  heads  be  removed  from  the  keystones  of  the 
arches  in  the  new  City  Hall  ;  for  lions'  heads  are 
emblems  of  the  hated  English,  whereas  the  Sandlot 
is  mainly  composed  of  the  hated  Irish.  Therefore 
have  Mr.  Dennis  Kearney,  the  statesman,  and  Mr. 
Stephen  Maybell,  the  poet,  exalted  their  respective 
voices  in  opposition  to  the  lions'  heads,  and  there 
is  music.  On  the  other  hand  appears  a  sturdy 
champion  of  things  as  they  are,  calling  itself  the 
Masonic  Veteran  Association  of  the  Pacific  Coast, 
and  indignantly  points  out  that  "the  keystones,  as 
"  well  as  the  corner  stone,  were  set  in  cement  by 


"  the  trowels  of  the  Masonic  Fraternity  and  bear 
' '  the  marks  and  symbols  of  the  craft,  and  they 
"  know  well  how  to  work  with  the  trowel  in  one| 
"  hand  and  the  other  grasping  a  weapon  while  they  t 
"  build  and  defend  what  they  have  erected  and  I 
"  consecrated."  This  utterance  can  mean  nothing  J 
less  than  war — fratricidal  war  between  those  who  I 
wield  the  symbolic  trowel  and  those  who  bear  the  I 
actual  hod.  The  holy  horrors  of  the  contest  can  I 
hardly  be  overestimated.  On  June  5th  we  are  to  I 
have  a  convention  of  Irishmen  ;  later  in  the  season  I 
a  conclave  of  Knights  Templar.  Uunder  the  cir- 1 
cumstances  it  would  perhaps  be  judicious,  decent  I 
and  expedient  to  thank  God  that  these  two  desper- 1 
ate  bodies  are  not  to  meet  in  our  city  at  the  same  I 
time. 


Judges  Crane,  Hamilton  and  Greene,  of  Alameda, 
merit  the  thankB  of  every  man  in  the  State  who  is 
not  either  an  actual  or  potential  scoundrel  ;  they 
have  given  a  thieving  office-holder  the  full  penalty 
of  the  law  for  his  offense,  a  sentence   of  fourteen 
years  in  the  penitentiary.     Under  the  detestable 
"  Goodwin  Act  "  this  means,  if  the  convict  have 
the  good  luck  to  win  the  Warden's  favor,  a  term  of 
something  more   than   eight   years.     The   Judges 
abated  nothing  of  their  just  severity  in  recognition 
of  the  prisoner's  plea  of  guilty  ;  he  was  booked  on 
a  number  of  charges  and  conviction  on  some  of 
them  was  certain.     We  differ  with  great  reluctance 
from  the  Judges  in  thinking  their  action  in  dis- 
missing the  untried  informations  unwise  ;  for  now,  I 
when  the  Governor  pardons  the  wretch  and  restores  I 
him  to  citizenship,  he  will  be  absolutely  free,  andi 
having  so  good  a  "record"   as   "a  smart  man" 
will  doubtless  be  nominated  for  an  elective  office,.] 
beating  out  of  the  field  some  rascal  of  less  glitter-  I 
ing  merit.     If  the  remaining  charges  had  been  held  1 1 
in   terrorem  over  him   executive   clemency   would]! 
have  been  baulked  of  its  profitable  display,  for  the  I 
fellow  could  have  been  tied  up  as  often  as  turned; j 
loose.     It  is  to  be  hoped  that  this  consideration, 
will  not  be  overlooked  in  the  instance  of  John  S. ! 
Gray  in  case  that  thrifty  statesman's  Judges  should  ] 
ever  deem  it  to  their  advantage  to  let  him  be  con- 
victed and  inexpedient  to  promote  his  subsequent  I 
aspirations  for  an  office  of  trust  and  profit. 


The  disclosures  in  the  Coroner's  office  are  so  ex- 
ceptionally unpleasing  that  it  is  not  surprising  that 
an  investigation  should  be  demanded  for  their 
suppression.  That  the  carrion  crow  Specht  is  the 
only  unclean  bird  in  this  foul  nest  is  not  creditable; 
there  is  doubtless  unholy  fat  upon  other  ribs  than 
his,  and  other  plumes  than  his  have  been  preened 
with  dead  men's  oils.  The  Coroner's  office  has  at 
times  been  conducted  with  a  gentlemanly  regard  to 
decency  and  honor.  It  was  so  conducted  by  Dr. 
Swan  and  by  Dr.  Dorr.  Commonly  it  has  had  a 
rascally  immoral  reek,  inexpressibly  offensive  to  the 
public  nose.  It  has  usually  been  "  run  "  in  the 
interest  of  some  putter  of  cold  meats  who,  under 
the  pretense  of  being  a  swindling  undertaker,  prac- 
ticed the  black  art  of  a  local  politician.  There  was 
a  time  when  it  was  customary  to  put  back  into  the 
Bay  and  fish  out  again  the  soaken  mortal  part  upon 
which  an  inquest  had  already  been  perpetrated, 
and  to  repeat  this  as  long  as  the  late  lamented 
would  hold  together.  We  are  not  sure  but  there 
has  been  a  recent  return  of  these  halcyon  days.  It 
is  at  least  certain  that  the  nameless  terrors  of  the 
private  morgue — "  the  dread  of  something  after 
death  " — has  done  much  to  discourage  suicide  and 
promote  murder.  We  await  with  hope  and  patience 
the  time  when  an  inquest  shall  be  held  on  a  Coroner 
who  has  had  his  pate  crunched  by  the  unheeding 
dummy,  his  lung  pickled  in  bay-water,  or  the  curvi- 
linear complications  of  his  small  intestine  raveled 
out  by  the  hand  of  the  curious  assassin. 


THE    WASP. 


5 


IN    THE     PICTURE    GALLERY. 


We  wandered  on  from  frame  to  frame, 

[  scarcely  noticed  any  ; 
all  artiste  are  the  same, 

Prom  otfei&sonier  to  Denny. 
She  paused  before  a  work  of  Brookes  ; 

f  praised  it,  ae  a  duty, 

Hut  all  tin-  wiiil,.  inv  p.i^.i    l.mk 
Were  fixed  upon  her  beauty. 

II'  i  mournful  iiiein  ami  laughing  eves 

<  <OBtrasted  strange,  yet  sweetly  ; 
Her  widow's  weeds  spoke  not  of  sighs, 

They  fitted  her  so  neatly. 
She  might  have  served  Praxiteles 

\s  Phryne,  whence  to  borrow 
The  figure  for  a  Grecian  frieze 

Of  Youth  defying  Sorrow. 

She  hade  me  note  the  skill  which  wrought 

A  spray  of  morning  glory  ; 
No  voice  so  sweet  as  her's,  I  thought, 

E'er  rang  in  song  or  story  ; 
And  then  I  sighed,  for  something  told 

My  heart  that,  like  the  flower, 
Though  love  its  beauty  might  unfold, 

'Twould  fade  within  an  hour. 

She  chatted  on  and,  blushing,  said 

That  she  herself  had  painted  ; 
Then  quickly  turned  to  white  from  red, 

As  though  she  would  have  fainted, 
When  I,  in  awkward  phrase,  replied, 

"  Ah,  yes  ;  a  mirror  study 
In  lily-white— some  rouge,  beside, 

To  make  the  lips  more  ruddy. " 

"  You  wrong  me,  sir,"  she  answered,  low, 

"  You  criticize  unfairly  ; 
My  cheek's  my  own,  I'd  have  you  know, 

And  pallid  is  but  rarely. 
You  call  my  lips  a  work  of  art, 

A  want  of  warmth  revealing  : 
Well — take  a  kiss— and  when  we  part 

Don't  say  my  art  lacks  feeling  !  " 

— Justin  Albkev. 
o»  Francisco,  Man  V,  18X3. 


THE    WHOLE    TRUTH, 


In  a  letter  published  last  Sunday  the  Chronicle's 
illeged  "  Berlin  Correspondent, "  after  describing 
the  fuss  made  over  a  murder  committed  in  that 
3lty,  goes  on  to  say  : 

To  an  American,  especially  a  Californian,  used  to 
Blearing  the  crack  of  the  pistol  as  it  sends  its  daily  victim 
fco  his  grave,  the  disturbance  caused  by  this  single  deed  of 
blood  has  its  ridiculous  side." 

j  Well,  we  should  rather  think  so  !  Why,  even  as 
we  sit  writing  these  lines  stray  bullets  are  patter- 
ing like  hail  against  the  iron-clad  screen  which 
stands  between  our  nobility  and  the  open  window  ; 
While  in  the  street  below  the  imprecations  of  bad 
len  from  Bitter  Creek  mingle  with  the  dying 
jroans  of  their  victims.  The  crack  of  the  pistol, 
pndeed  !  It  is  said  that  a  boiler-maker  can  hear  a 
whisper  amid  the  din  of  his  workshop,  but  is  nearly 
tone-deaf  outside  of  it ;  and  we  believe  we  should 
ie  in  the  latter  plight  should  the  murderous  fusil- 
ade  suddenly  stop.  Yes,  our  streets  are  piled 
ith  the  dying  and  the  dead  ;  our  fifteen  Coroners 
•aid  $50,000  eech  for  their  nomination  and  are 
jalready  millionaires ;  our  tailors  measure  us  only 
(for  suits  of  plate-armor  ;  our  sausages  are  made  of 
jhuman  flesh,  which  needs  no  machine  to  chop  it 
(finer  than  the  bowie-knife  has  left  it ;  our  under- 
takers have  given  up  making  coffins  to  hold  less 
than  a  dozen  subjects  ;  our  streets  are  paved  with 
bullets  ;  we  season  our  dishes  with  gunpowder, 
and  our  sewers  are  flushed  with  human  gore.  The 
Chronicles  correspondent  ought  to  have  added  these 
few  facts.  He  and  his  tribe  are  always  complain- 
ing that  California  is  misrepresented  abroad  ;  but 
who  is  to  blame — if  the  merits  of  the  country  are  so 
tamely  and  inadequately  set  forth  as  in  the  passage 
we  have  quoted  ? 


AN    UNEARTHLY    COMMUNITY. 


A  worthy  and  wealthy  resident  of  a  small  East- 
ern town  recently  offered  to  build,  endow,  and 
present  to  the  community  a  foundling  asylum, 
provided  the  authorities  would  contribute  asuitable 


site  for  its  erection.  The  Town  Council,  however, 
indignantly  rejected  the  offer,  and  bitterly  up- 
braided theastonishedphilanthropisl  with  wantonly 
insulting  the  inhabitants  .if  the  place  by  thus  re- 
flecting upon  their  morality.  Now,  a  community 
that  has  no  need  of  a  foundling  asylum  must  bo 
prenaturally  good,  but  at  the  same  time  it  must 
lack  many  of  tile  most  interesting  features  of 
modern  civilization.  Where  there  are  no  foundlings 
there  can  be  no  parsons,  no  deacons,  no  picnics,  no 
camp-meetings,  no  matinees,  no  Kearny-street 
promenades,  none  of  the  more  popular  and  con- 
venient meeting  places  such  as  public  libraries, 
drug-stores,  and  hotel-parlors,  no  hoary  capitalists, 
dandy  dudes,  or  immaculate  mashers,  no  after- 
theatre  suppers  or  moonlight  drives— in  short,  when 
one  comes  to  think  of  it,  there  can  be  no  men  and 
no  women  ;  and  if  the  asylum  is  not  to  be  needed 
in  the  future  there  can  be  no  boys  or  girls  either. 
We  must  suppose  then  that  the  members  of  this 
singular  Town  Council  are  of  the  neuter  gender 
and  that  they  constitute  the  entire  population. 


We  observe  that  Mr.  Warren  Cheney,  whose 
connection  with  the  Warmedowrland  Monthly  he 
will  himself  long  remember,  has  wived  and  gone  to 
Europe.  Mr.  Cheney's  brief  but  brilliant  literary 
career  on  the  Coast  left  an  impress  of  his  person- 
ality as  characteristic  and  indelible  as  the  hoof- 
print  of  a  jackass  in  an  April  snow  bank.  We 
take  pleasure  in  regretting  his  absence,  but  find  a 
melancholy  compensation  in  the  inalienable  pro- 
pinquity of  Mr.  Roscoe  Havens,  whose  worthiness 
to  mount  the  throne  of  literary  theft  made  vacant 
by  Mr.  Cheney's  abdication  is  disputed  by  nobody 
but  the  distinguished  historian,  Mr.  Hubert  Howe 
Bancroft.  This  latter  gentleman  having  bellied 
the  brains  of  others  until  he  is  as  gross  in  girth  as 
a  tun,  has  gone  down  into  Mexico  to  affect  himself 
with  tropical  torpor  and  digest  his  fame  in  peace. 
So  Mr.  Havens  has  the  field  of  plagiarism  to  him- 
self, and  if  he  do  not  crown  his  opportunity  by 
claiming  the  authorship  of  the  commandment 
"  Thou  shalt  not  steal,"  we  shall  infer  that  he  has 
never  heard  of  it. 


As  the  Fourth  of  July  draws  near,  the  list  of 
"prominent  citizens"  lengthens  out  like  a  chain 
of  eggs  from  a  lady  frog.  The  man  who  in  these 
days  of  "committees"  is  not  a  prominent  citizen 
enjoys  as  dazzling  a  conspicuity  as  a  lighthouse  on 
a  lonely  headland.  His  obscurity  is  a  distinction 
that  a  king  might  envy  and  a  drum-major  resent. 
And  it  doesn't  cost  him  a  nickel :  he  has  only  to 
set  his  face  like  a  flint  against  the  celebration  of 
American  independence  in  a  proper  and  becoming 
manner,  get  himself  taken  off  all  the  committees 
and  conduct  himself  like  a  gentleman,  generally, 
and  he  will  find  himself  a  very  remarkable  man,  a 
noted  but  untitled  nobody,  whose  sharply  accented 
lack  of  individuality  might  justly  entitle  him  to 
the  Presidency  of  the  United  StateB. 


The  Irish  came  down  like  a  wolf  on  the  fold — 
Came  down  with  their  copper  and  silver  and  gold  : 
And  the  sheen  of  their  coin  was  like  stars  that  they  see 
When  the  black-thorn  taps  lightly  where  whisky  flows 
free. 

But  the  Vicar  of  God  filled  his  lungs  with  a  blast, 
And  breathed  an  injunction  their  coins  as  they  cast ; 
Though  the  hat  is  still  passed,  yet  the  patriot's  hope 
Hath  melted  like  snow  in  the  breath  of  the  Pope. 


From  the  mass  of  collected  evidence  relating  to 
the  effect  and  value  of  "  mental  stimulants  " 
we  reluctantly  draw  the  discouraging  conclusion 
that  good  literary  work  depends  leBs  upon  the  kind 
of  stimulant  used  than  upon  the  kind  of  mind  that 
it  is  used  upon. 


On  motion  of  Mr.  Reichenbach,  the  Board  of 
Supervisors  adopted  a  resolution  of  inquiry  con- 
cerning 631  dead  dogs.  Well,  there  is  one  on  a 
vacant  lot  in  the  Western  Addition,  and  if  Mr. 
Reichenbach's  zeal  should  unfortunately  prove 
fatal,  that  would  account  for  the  remaining  630. 


What  the  hoary  mischief  do  our  learned  editors 
mean  by  the  affectation  of  using  always  the  French 
word  "  employe. "  Are  they  afraid  of  the  good 
English  word  "employee"  because  the  lunatic 
Webster  falsely  says  that  it  is  not  sanctioned  by 
the  best  writers  ?     The  best  writers  have  a  kind  of 


ay  of  using  any  regularly  formed  word  that 
exactly  expresses  their  meaning,  even  if  it  has  not 
t"   their  knowledge  been   used   before.     It  is  not 

iee  In."  we  would  have  ever  had  a  language 
if  they  had   not      It  is  not  a   legitimate  function 
ol  a  lexicographer  to  arrest  the  growth  of  la. 
neighbors,  though  that  has  been  the  tend, 
their  work.     Let  us  have  "employ 


phe  State  Prison  Directors  deni  the  Governor's 
judicial  power  to  try  them  on  the  complaint  made 
against    them   by   the    Attorney-General.     As  the 

only  object  of  the  Governor  in  trying  thei he 

charges  made  would  be  to  decide  if  he  oughl  in 
dismiss  them,  he  should  be  grateful  for  an  ob- 
jection that  spares  him  the  trouble  of  a  tedious  in 
vestigation  and  justifies  him  in  turning  them  out 
without  inquiry. 


There  is  a  humorous  side  to  an  extradition 
treaty.  It  lies  in  the  immunity  accorded  to  fugi 
tives  guilty  of  "  political  offenses."  What  each 
Government  says  to  the  other  is  substantially  this: 
"  I  engage  to  honor  your  demand  for  the  surrender 
of  such  of  your  subjects  (or  citizens)  as  may  have 
committed  any  of  the  crimes  herein  specified,  un- 
less it  shall  appear  to  my  satisfaction  and  gratifica- 
tion— that  the  said  crimes  were  committed  m  an 
attempt  to  destroy  yon.  The  lives  and  property 
that  it  is  your  function  on  earth  to  protect  I  regard 
as  peculiarly  sacred,  but  upon  your  own  existence 
— except  as  a  high  contracting  party— I  look  with 
severe  disapproval,  and  shalf  extend  my  friendly 
hospitality  to  all  who  aim  their  daggers  at  your 
heart."  With  this  conspicuous  example  in  mind, 
he  would  be  a  bold  man  who  should  assert  that  the 
humor  of  diplomacy  is  inferior  to  that  of  a  public 
execution  or  a  midnight  murder. 


t^uoth  Captain  Cheney — daring  soul  I  - 
'  I  can  discover  the  North  Pole  : 
A  ship  I'll  build  which,  buoyed  on  air. 
Shall  sail  from  here  and  anchor  there. 
A  hundred  air-ships  then  shall  be 
Set  sailing  to  discover  me." 


One  doeBn't  like  to  run  the  risk  of  writing  with 
levity  about  a  grave  matter,  but  one  suspects  a 
hoax  when  he  reads  in  a  Salem  dispatch  that  State 
Senator  Voorhees,  of  Oregon,  has  been  "  fatally 
shot  by  one  Cannon,  recently  discharged  by  him." 
If  it  is  so,  there  has  been  a  marked  improvement  in 
artillery  practice  of  late  years  ;  during  the  recent 
war  fatally  to  shoot  a  man  required  the  discharge  of 
not  one  cannon  but  about  five  hundred. 


The  reporters  of  New  York  appear  to  have  very 
little  regard  for  the  dignity  of  their  profession  ; 
when  Freddy  Gebhardt  refuses  to  talk  why  don't 
they  thrash  him?     Everybody  else  thrashes  him. 


What  makes  us  distrust  the  sincerity  of  Mr. 
Dan  O'Connell's  editorials  in  favor  of  a  protective 
tariff  is  the  circumstance  that  he  holds  his  opin- 
ions for  revenue  only. 


Mr.  George  Alfred  Townsend,  the  newspaper 
correspondent,  has  been  assaulted  by  the  relative 
of  an  actreBS.  As  the  lady's  manager  reluctantly 
handed  out  the  fine,  the  counsel  fees  and  the  costs 
of  court  he  shook  his  head  and  a  tear  stole  into  his 
eye  as  he  sadly  explained  that  the  amount  would 
have  paid  for  ten  thousand  illuminated  placards 
and  purchased  advance  notices  in  the  newspape-ts 
of  a  dozen  cities.  And  Mr.  Townsend  confessed 
that  he  would  himself  have  preferred  to  write  the 
girl  a  first-rate  account  of  how  she  was  robbed  of 
her  diamonds. 


It  is  related  of  General  Barnes  that  being  called 
on  the  other  evening  to  respond  to  a  toast  he  hesi- 
tated, stammered  and  finally  poured  out  a  broken 
flow  of  entirely  unintelligible  words,  apparently  in 
a  language  not  of  earth.  The  explanation  of  thiB 
extraordinary  incident  is,  that  in  order  to  prevent 
him  from  pushing  his  famous  anti-McDonald  fence 
into  the  seventh  heaven  the  Lord  has  afflicted  him 
with  a  confusion  of  tongues. 


The  circumstance  that  the  military  editor  of  the 
Eveni/ng  Post  is  growing  economical  of  hair  on  one 
side  of  his  pate  recalls  the  poet's  hackneyed  lino  : 
"Uneven  wears  the  head  that  lies  for  half-a-crown. " 


THE    WASP 


A    SENSIBLE     SORT     OF    TROPHY, 


Mr.  J.  Dunn,  a  noted  New  York  tough, 
Shoots  Jimmy  Elliott,  a  pugnacious  rough. 

Tough  on  the  rough, 

Rough  on  the  tough, 
But  of  both  we  had  read  and  heard  quite  enough. 

It  now  remains  for  some  one  to  put  up 

A  chaste  but  costly  Champion  Murderer's  Cup, 

To  be  held  by  him 

Who,  avenging  Jim, 
With  Polonius  causes  J.  Dunn  to  sup. 

Provided  that  the  trophy  then  is  won 
By  him  who  slays  the  slayer  of  J.  Dunn, 

And  shall  then  belong 

To  the  bully  strong 
Who  slitB  the  last  holder's  throat  for  fun. 

A  trophy,  thus  presented,  we  maintain, 
Would  spare  our  courts  and  jurymen  much  pain, 
And  the  Crowner's  'quest 
For  some  peace  might  rest 
With  one  villain  the  slayer — another  the  slain. 

— H. 


DISPARTED. 


Of  all  the  insidious 

Temptations  invidious, 
Contrived  by  the  devil  for  pulling  men  down, 

There's  none  more  delusive, 

Seductive,  abusive, 
Than  the  snare  to  a  man  with  a  wife  out  of  town. 

His  wife  may  be  beautiful, 

Tender  and  dutiful  ; 
'Tis  not  that  her  absence  would  cause  him  delight, 

But  the  cursed  opportunity, 

Baleful  immunity, 
Scatters  his  scruples  as  day  scatters  night. 

And  so  he  steps  into  the 

Snare  and  finds  sin  to  be 
Quite  a  felicitous  way  to  fall  down. 

Sweet  opportunity  ! 

Blessed  immunity  ! — 
Same  to  his  wife  who  has  gone  out  of  town. 


SERMONS    IN     STONES, 


A  Thornbush  who  was  about  to  be  overwhelmed 
by  a  Landslide  remonstrated  with  the  latter  for 
his  unnecessary  violence.  The  Landslide  as  he 
settled  down  replied  with  the  utmost  calmness  : 
"  I  simply  crush  in  obedience  to  inexorable  natural 
law.  If  you  don't  like  the  law  the  proper  course  to 
take  is  to  agitate  for  its  repeal — by  constitutional 
methods  of  course.  Should  you  disgrace  yourself 
by  attempting  violence  you  will  forfeit  the  respect 
and  esteem  of  all  well  meaning,  stocks  and  stones. 
You  are  a  disagreeable  neighbor  anyhow,  and  you 
are  at  liberty  to  dig  yourself  up  and  emigrate." 


A  Blade  of  Grass  who  was  being  crushed  by  a 
Stone  Roller  remonstrated  with  some  asperity,  and 
the  latter  thus  explained  the  situation  :  "  You  are 
under  a  complete  misapprehension,  my  dear.  You 
cannot  be  aware  of  the  immense  benefit  I  am  con- 
ferring on  you.  You  are  one  of  those  herbs  which 
give  forth  fragrant  odors  when  crushed,  and  I  have 
adjusted  the  burden  to  the  exact  weight  which  I 
think  you  can  bear.  We  will  go  into  partnership 
and  I  will  take  the  hay  and  you  can  have  the 
odor." 

A  Tornado  embraced  a  House  of  Correction  and 
for  a  while  the  fur  flew.  A  flustered  Haybarn  who 
went  sailing  by  on  the  wings  of  the  wind  inquired 
what  all  the  fun  was  about.  The  Tornado  answered 
with  a  groan  :  "  I  am  performing  an  unpleasant 
duty  in  atonement  for  my  sins  and  to  vindicate  the 
works  of  God  to  man."  "  Soh  ?  "  grunted  the 
Barn.  '*  Seems  like  you'll  have  to  wear  out  a 
whole  neighborhood  before  you  get  through.  Guess 
Til  have  my  own  washing  done  out  in  future." 

A  Great  Moral  Idea  poured  forth  his  spirit  in  a 
precious  discourse  to  a  Bad  Egg  and  prayed  that 
the  heart  of  the  Egg  might  be  'converted  ;  but  the 
latter  would  not  have  it,  saying  :  "  Behold,  I  am 
worth  two  bits  a  dozen  and  look  forward  to  a  future 
of  usefulness  as  the  enemy  of  mankind,  while  he  is 
only  an  expensive  noise  and  beyond  that,  nothing. 


It  is  his  trade  to  do  good  by  proxy,  but  he  can't 
play  me  for  a  soft-boiled  substitute.  That's  the 
kind  of  a  whited  sepulchre  I  am." 


A  Broken  Metaphor  who  had  stooped  to  folly 
with  a  Campaign  Document  and  had  been  heart- 
lessly abandoned  found  herself  about  to  fall  to 
pieces  and  applied  to  a  Stake  in  the  Country  for 
relief.  The  latter  eyed  her  severely,  saying  :  "  I 
cannot  countenance  promiscuous  and  perhaps  ill- 
directed  charity.  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  to 
present  such  a  disgraceful  figure  of  speech.  How- 
ever, I  will  give  you  a  letter  to  the  Committee  for 
the  Relief  of  Destitute  Characters  and  if  you  are 
found  worthy  you  will  be  taken  care  of."  "  But  if 
in  the  mean  time  I  starve  ?  "  she  inquired  in  a 
despairing  tone.  "  You  should  have  my  sincere 
sympathy  but  you  would  not  have  me  violate  a 
principle  of  Political  Economy.  And  then  you  can 
always  eat  your  own  words." 

A  Porterhouse  Steak  rebuked  a  Cold  Deck  with 
a  good  deal  of  pious  unction  on  the  score  of  his  de- 
ceitful practices.  The  Cold  Deck  listened  patiently 
and  then  excused  himself  :  "  I  admit  I  am  a  Put- 
up  Job,  but  I  am  the  victim  of  an  irresistable  chain 
of  circumstances.  I  am  the  necessary  result  of  the 
environment  and  obey  my  manifest  destiny.  What 
have  I  done  that  I  should  be  flouted  by  a  Bobtailed 
Beefsteak  ?  You  are  a  kind  of  light  weight  your- 
self when  it  comes  to  honesty."  With  a  sancti- 
monious snuffle  the  Steak  sputtered  out  :  "  I  am 
b  honest  as  I  can  afford  to  be  in  this  business. 
The  spirit  is  willing  but  the  flesh  is  weak." 

E.  F.  C. 

Oakland,  May  22,  1888. 


TALK     ABOUT    THEATERS. 


Brighton,  as  given  at  the  Bush  Street,  is  an  amusing 
farce,  and  one  must  perforce  laugh  at  its  absurd  comicali- 
ties of  speech,  gesture  and  situation.  It  is  played  by  a 
clever  lot  of  actors,  among  whom  several  pretty  faces  are 
to  be  seen.  It  is  very  handsomely  mounted,  gives  proof 
of  excellent  stage  management  and  is  certainly  entitled 
to  rank  as  a  theatrical  gem.  Unfortunately,  however,  it 
belongs  to  the  poorer  quality  of  gems,  showing  a  flaw  here 
and  there  under  its  polished  surface,  and  scarcely  deserves 
the  elaborate  finish  of  its  setting.  Attracted  by  the  rep- 
utation of  the  company,  a  large  and  fashionable  audience 
was  present  at  the  first  performance  ;  they  joined  in  the 
broad  fun  and  were  fairly  generous  in  the  matter  of 
applause ;  but  it  cannot  be  claimed  that  they  were 
altogether  satisfied.  They  had  been  led  to  expect  some- 
thing remarkable  in  the  way  of  refined  comedy,  but  found, 
instead,  the  broadest  of  low  comedy  ;  to  expect  something 
far  better  than  San  Francisco  had  yet  seen,  and  found 
that  it  was  very  little,  if  any,  better  than  we  have  had 
before.  For  between  the  Brighton  of  the  Wyndham  Com- 
pany and  Saratoga  as  given  by  O'Niel,  Rose  Wood,  Nina 
Varian,  etc.,  there  is  at  least  a  question  of  merit.  In  the 
former  there  is  a  constant  and  too  evident  straining  for 
comic  effect,  a  rapidity  of  motion  and  extravagance  of 
gesture  which  belong  more  properly  to  the  circus  than  to 
the  theater,  unless  in  one  of  the  "  roaring  farces  "  of  olden 
times.  Those  of  us  who  remember  Mr.  Wyndam  in  Caste, 
and  other  plays  of  the  Robertsonian  school,  know  that  he 
is  capable  of  much  cleaner  work  than  he  is  now  giving  us 
in  his  impossible  "  Bob  Sacket  "  ;  and  while  joining  in 
the  universal  laughter  at  the  ridiculous  vagaries  and  ex- 
traordinary gymnastics  of  that  susceptible  idiot,  look  for- 
ward with  pleasureable  anticipation  to  the  better  things 
that  he  must  have  in  store  for  us.  His  company  show 
ability  for  greater  effort  than  this  play  affords,  and  their 
action  upon  the  stage  harmonizes  well.  Mr.  Blakely  de- 
serves especial  commendation,  for  his  "  Mr.  Vander- 
pump  "  is  certainly  the  cleverest  piece  of  acting  in  the 
whole  performance.  The  piece  has  done  so  badly  that  it 
will  be  replaced  this  evening  by  Byron's  comedy,  Four- 
teen Days. 

The  Baldwin  has  done  fairly  well  this  week  and  its 
management  have  already  taken  in  sufficient  money  to  se- 
cure them  against  any  loss  during  the  present  engage- 
ment. Why,  with  such  an  attraction,  the  house  has  not 
been  crowded  instead  of  being  only  comfortably  filled,  is 
one  of  the  conundrums  that  puzzle  theatrical  folk.  The 
answer  may  possibly  be  found  in  the  fact  that  the  star's 
support  is  lamentably  weak  in  places,  to  the  detriment  of 
the  entire  company,  although  as  a  rule  the  performances 
move  smoothly  enough.  Messrs.  Barrymore  and  Owens, 
and  Miss  Drew  do  satisfactory  work,  but  some  of  the 
others  will  require  a  deal  of  training  before  they  will  have 


gained  strength  enough  to  stand  in  the  strong  light  of  Mo- 
djeska's  genius.  The  latter'B  "Frou-Prou"  is  a  delight- 
ful study,  for  it  is  a  supreme  effort  of  cultivated  art.  Her 
happy-hearted,  butterfly  girlhood,  so  winsome  in  its  ways 
that  it  appeals  to  and  gains  the  affection  of  everyone  with 
whom  she  comes  in  contact ;  her  thoughtless  selfishness 
which  has  grown  unconsciously  upon  this  petted  child  of 
sunlight  and  laughter  until  it  has  made  her  forgetful,  or, 
rather,  has  kept  her  in  ignorance,  of  almost  every  duty  that 
belongs  to  the  loving  wife  and  mother;  the  awakening  of 
an  unfounded  jealousy  and  its  outburst  of  passion,  which 
rouses  her  dormant  womanhood  into  reckless  rebellion  ; 
the  blind  acceptance  of  guilt  as  a  release  from  imaginary 
wrong ;  the  first  recognition  of  her  folly,  and  the  remorse 
that  follows  it ;  the  terrible  repentance  that  seeks  forgiv- 
ness,  to  find  it  only  when  the  broken  heart  is  fluttering 
with  its  last  pulsations— such  is  the  picture  which  Mo- 
djeska  paints  in  life-like  colorB,  and  with  an  accuracy  of 
drawing  that  proves  her  to  be  in  truth  a  great  artiBt. 
Those  who  have  seen  her  in  this  part  will  alwayB  treasure 
its  remembrance  as  one  of  the  most  vivid  in  their  theatri. 
cal  experience. 

Mr.  Barrett's  present  engagement  at  the  California » 
the  most  successful  he  has  ever  played  in  this  city  ;  a 
success  he  had  earned  by  the  strength  of  his  own  acting 
and  the  excellence  and  careful  training  of  the  company  be 
has  gathered  around  him.  He  is  to  be  congratulated  upon 
having  discovered  the  stage  merits  of  Francesco,  W 
Rimini  after  it  had  passed  through  thirty  years  of 
theatrical  neglect,  for  it  is  a  tragedv  full  of  strong  lines 
and  well  drawn  situations.  The  first  three  acts  are  fairly 
good,  but  scarcely  more  than  that,  while  the  last  three  are 
powerful  in  their  conception  and  execution.  In  the  part 
of  the  Hunchback,  "  Lanciotto  ",  Barrett  has  created  a 
character  that  ranks  with  the  strongest  in  English  drama. 
A  noble  soul  caged  in  deformity,  a  morbidly  sensitive 
nature,  and  yet  one  that  is  endowed  with  all  the  mental 
graces  except  content.  Tortured  by  a  brother's  hideous, 
crime  and  a  wife's  infidelity,  his  generous  courage  is 
changed  to  ferocity,  and  he  inflicts  upon  those  traitors  the 
punishment  demanded  by  outraged  humanity.  The  scope 
for  action  is  great  and  Barrett  takes  advantage  of  its 
every  opportunity.  As  the  jester,  "  Pepe  ",  half  mad- 
man, half  knave,  a  vicious,  stinging  creature,  Mr.  Louis 
James  plays  an  able  Becond  to  his  leader.  Mr.  Skinner 
does  well  in  "  Paolo  ",  playing  it  much  better  than  he 
did  the  similar  character  in  Yorick's  Love.  The  "  Fran- 1 
cesca  "  of  Miss  Wainwright  has  many  good  points,  but  it 
is  undoubtedly  capable  of  improvement,  and  the  other ; 
parts  are  all  reasonably  well  taken,  although  they  can  lay 
no  claim  to  especial  mention.  Francesco,  Da  Rimini  is 
worth  seeing,  and  the  San  Francisco  public  have  recog-  . 
nized  the  fact. 

Notwithstanding  numerous  attractions  elsewhere,  the  i 
stationary  Minstrels  at  the  Standard  have  drawn  good  • 
houses  during  the  week  ;   for  those  gentlemen  of  artificial  ■ 
color  are  most  successful  in  their  wooing  of  the  public 
pocket-book. 

At  the  Tivoli  thej'  are  producing  Boccaccio  in  better 
style  than  any  of  the  light  operas  that  have  preceded  it,  ' 
and  one  hears  its  catching  airs  hummed  on  every  side  as  ■ 
he  walks  through  the  street,  in  evidence  that  the  piece  hae  ' 
taken  well  with  its  audiences. 

Mr.  Urban's  benefit  at  the  California  last  Sunday  was 
successful  so  far  as  the  acting  went,  but  the  receipts  at  the 
box-office  must  have  been  very  unsatisfactory.  The  secret 
lies  in  the  fact  that  although  Urban  is  one  of  the  cleverest 
German  comedians  in  this  country,  he  is  also  possessed 
with  an  unfortunate  faculty  for  antagonizing  the  very 
people  upon  whom  he  must  depend  for  patronage. 

If  large  advance  sales  may  be  taken  as  a  criterion,  the 
Thomas  concerts  will  be  highly  successful  from  a  mone- 
tary point  of  view.  The  extraordinary  number  of  tickets 
sold  seems  to  assure  this  fact,  and  our  theatrical  managers 
complain  that  their  receipts  are  already  lessened  by  the 
popularity  of  their  musical  competitor. 


ON   AND    AFTER    MAY  26th, 

The  large  exhibition  room  of  the  Art  Association  will 
contain  the  works  of  Mr.  Julian  Rix,  preparatory  to  their 
sale.  A  cursory  glance  of  the  hundred  and  odd  pictures 
disposed  about  the  walls  reveals  much  that  is  beautiful 
and  little  that  is  anything  else  ;  this  exhibition  being  free, 
will  be  no  doubt  much  enjoyed  and  will  be  fully  taken  ad- 
vantage nf  by  the  friends  of  the  artist  and  by  the  public 
generally. 


THE    WASP. 


REMOVAL 

The  old  and  well  known  house  of  .1     W    Tucker  &  Co 
{g  ZF^JP  ^."wrrf    Kearny  and'  -  ;,;1I 
tnends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice 


A  NOTED  BUT  UNTITLED  WOMAN. 

[Prom  the  Boston  <7fo6eJ 


Messrs.  Edtton  .— 

The  above  is  a  crood  likeness  or  Mrs.  Lydia  E.  Pink- 
ham,  of  Lynn,  Mass.,  who  above  all  other  human  beln  p 
maybe  truthfully  caUedtho 'TJeor  Friend  of  Wumnn." 
as  some  of  hex  correspondents  love  to  call  her.  She 
is  aealourty  devoted  to  her  work,  which  Is  the  outcome 
of  a  life-study,  and  la  obliged  to  keep  eix  lady 
assistants,  to  help  her  answer  the  large  correspondence 
whu-h  daily  pours  In  upon  her,  each  bearing  Its  ,  ,, 
burden  of  suffering,  or  joy  at  release  from  it,  Hei 
Vegetable  Compound  Is  a  medicine  for  good  and  not 
f-vu  purposes.  I  have  personally  investigated  it  and 
am  satisfied  of  the  truth  of  this. 

On  account  of  ita  proven  merits,  it  Is  recommended 
and  prescribed  by  the  best  physicians  in  the  country. 
One  says :  "  It  works  like  a  charm  and  saves  much 
pain.  It  will  cure  entirely  the  worst  form  of  falling 
of  tho  uterus,  Leucorrhcea,  Irregular  and  painful 
Menstruation, all  Ovarian  Troubles,  Inflammation  and 
Clceratlon,  Floodlngs,  all  Displacements  andthecon- 
bequent  spinal  weakness,  and  is  especially  adapted  to 
the  Change  of  Life." 

It  permeates  every  portion  of  the  system,  and  gives 
new  life  and  vigor.  It  removes  faintnes3,  flatulency, 
destroys  all  craving  for  stimulants,  and  relieves  weak- 
ness of  the  stomach.  It  cures  Bloating,  Headaches, 
Nervons  Prostration,  General  Debility,  Sleeplessness, 
Ejpressdon  and  Indigestion.  That  feeling  of  bearing 
down, causing  pain,  weight  ami  backache,  is  always 
permanently  cured  by  its  use.  It  will  at  all  times,  and 
under  all  circumstances,  act  In  harmony  with  the  law 
that  governs  the  female  system. 

It  costs  only  $1.  per  bottle  or  six  for  go. ,  and  is  sold  by 
druggists.  Any  advice  required  as  to  special  cases,  and 
the  names  of  many  who  have  been  restored  to  perfect 
health  by  the  use  of  the  Vegetable  Compound,  can  be 
obtained  by  addressing  Mrs.  P.,  with  *tamp  for  reply, 
at  her  home  in  Lynn,  Mass. 

For  Kidney  Complaint  of  either  sex  this  compound  U 
unsurpassed  as  abundant  testimonial*  show. 

"Mrs.  Plhkham's  Liver  Pills,"  says  one  writer,  "are 
the  best  in  the  world  for  the  cure  of  Constipation. 
Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  livei.  Her  Blood 
Purifier  works  wonders  in  its  special  line  and  bids  tail 
to  equal  the-Compound  in  its  popularity. 

AH  mustrt-espect  her  as  an  Angel  of  Mercy  whose  sole 
ambition  Is  to  do  good  to  others. 
Philadelphia,  Pa.  QSJ  Mrs.  A.  JL  D. 


B&~  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vit.il  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  ywuthfu]  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system.  „    ., 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  $2,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  Woo' 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.   D.   SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 


LIVER 


It  has  Bpeclfle  action  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  freo 
condition,  effecting  its 'regular  discharge. 

|U|  j*  I  j*  u  j  a      If  you  arc  Buffering  from 

■■■  CI  I  CI  I  I O  ■  malaria,  have  the  chills,  ; 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidnoy- 
"Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cure. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
11-    SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS     Prlna  ft  I. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


$72 


A  WEEK.    812  a  day  at  home  easily  made.    Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

£>OQ  KEARNY  STREET.  8AK 
V>  s<*  O  Francisco  -Establlibod 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  cure  of 
Special  Diseases,  nervous  and  pi 
Debility,  or  diseases  wearing  On  both 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
Bleb  and  afflicted  Bhould  not  fall  to 
call  upon  hlin.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  in- 
apected  thoroughly  the  various  bos- 
pitals  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  in  need 
™^:of  hiB  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
K  ^w&SSSSiaMMsSiSrw&V  make  no  charge  uqIpbb  he  effects  a 
vure.  Persona  at  a  distance  may  ho  CURED  AT  HUME  All 
communications  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonable.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cleco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WA8P. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

COMPOUND     EXTRACTS 

—   OK 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

'  lu*  iperior  to  any 

i.com 
Dining  in  .1  reij  highly  ^..r,.-entr»t«d 
state  the  medical  properties  of  the 
Cubebs  s 

niendati.in    tl  ,,  enjoys 

■■  over  all  other 

innjpnupm^;    then, 

-  Don  pleasant  and.  n      i              i„g  m  tne  f„rm    t 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not    impair  tl, gestion      Pre- 
pared mil,- by                           ¥akranJ&  CO., 
Druggist  and  Chemists.  278  and  280  Gi mvieh  street 


■n  sic  ana  zwj  '  .n  .  mvich  stree 
*X>B  Saxe  Bl  All     Hi: 


Elmwood,    Ulenwood,   Hudson  and  Our  Clioice. 


D°3£J£tL  T0  EXAM1NE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD 
"  HUDSON  and  OUK  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
!*    I  arnV  ^  lmProved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 

stock  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
ttali  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Kange  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Even-  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.  S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


a 


O 
xn 

T? 

CI 
eg 

p-H 

e3 

o 


m 


m 


taw* 


ffitfSSpSl 


jtiRES  jLL  PAINS:  Nirr   to    m  s  E  _ 
"""Pes  •'  <  o-.  Druggists,  Sun  Jose,  California. 


LUX  U  RIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE  3 


Established    ix,v.\ 

Acknowledged  bj   illthe  LARGEST    AIRIEST 
and  BEST 

IB    ^    T    IE3I    S 


1 1  ItklMl.     RUSSIAN,     STEAM,     SI  mil  1 

or  other    Meilii-aleil    Itnlhs. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f 'g  Co. 


Address  Orders  and   Letters  of ' 
quiry  to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


In- 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

X&-  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement,.  Nog.  .-,■»<»,  .v>|  sac 
and  .VJ8  INirlOc  Street,  near  Commercial  Hotel  t-etween 
Kearny     and     Montgomery.      Entrance    through      Carl     Zeile's 

Drugstore       Open   from   7  A.-li.  t ■  [.     ■   p    M 

Pi ii rate  rooms  for  patients. 

X.    B.  — Dr.  Zeile's  institute  and  Baths  u.. 1 1  established  in   D352 

&r  INSURE    IN   THE     BEST.  &> 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Hollars.    I»ai«t  lo 

Tolley    Holders,  over  Seven    .Million    Hollar*. 

"The    Old    and    Reliable" 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY, 

Tolul  Assets,         .       "•       .         S50,550,98I.es 
Total    Income.         .       -       .     ijll  mm,  1*1.  HO 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 


N. 


ure   Life   Policy,  at  liberal   terms, 


Those  wishing  a  safe  and  t 
can  applv  to 

■    A.  G.  HAWES,  Manager  for" Pacific  Coast. 
'i'40  Sannomc  Street,       •       -       •      Sun  Franctseo. 


C.  HERRMANN  &  CO. 

<HKItlt..l.l.\V     The     II:. 1  («t,) 
WILL    GIVE   YOU 

J±    Better    Hat 

For  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coast.     Our  stock 
-   is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny    Street,      336. 

Between    Bn*h    and    Pine,   San    Francisco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   RECULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD  PURIFIER! 


CONNECTICUT 

Fire  Insurance  Co., 

of  Hartford. 

SCOTTISH  UNION 

and    National 

Insurance   Company, 

of  Great  Britain. 


IIU.AN   A    Mi  Ml  Kill,  'IKNMIIl  A   II  \  WC 

City  Agent.*,  General  Agent*, 

401  Cnllfornln  Street*  327  Saii.sonie   Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


H.  R.  Mactarlacts. 


Geo.  W.  Mackarlanr. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIKK-PROOF    BUILDING, .V;     QUEEN     .STREET, 

Honolulu,   Hawaiian   LslanclH. 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


See   Local. 


rt,%\ 


SAN  FRANCIS  C3 


'VI 


BERKELEY. 


10 


THE    WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


BRUCE  HOUSE,  1018  J  STREET,  bet.  10th  &  11th, 
Sacramento,  Cal.  P.  C.  Smith,  proprietor.  Board 
and  Lodging,  per  week,  $5.  Board,  per  week,  §4 
Meals,  25  cents.  «S"  All  kinds  of  cold  and  hot  drinks  on 
band. 


COLUMBUS  BBEWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


DE.  MOTT'S  WILD  CHEEKY  TONIC  De- 
creases the  appetite,  prevents  indigestion,  strength- 
ens the  system,  purines  the  blood  and  gives  tone  to 
the  stomach.  IS"  Nu  family  should  be  without  it.  Wil- 
cox, Powers  k  Co.,  wholesale  dealers  and  importers  of 
choice  liquors,  sole  agents,  505  K  street,  Sacramento. 

FOUND  AT  LAST— AN  INFALIABLE  HAIR 
Restorer.  It  reproduces  a  growth  of  Hair  to  Bald 
Heads  when  the  root,  however  feeble,  is  left.  Gives 
Gray  Hair  its  Natural  Color.  I  warrant  this  Restorative 
as  harmless.  «3"Prepared  and  sold  by  Henry  Fuchs,  529 
K  street,  Sacramento,  and  C.  F.  Richards  &  Co.,  wholesale 
druggists,  San  Francisco. 


GOGINGS'  FAMILY  MEDICINES  ARE  RECOM- 
mended  by  all  who  use  them  for  their  effectivenes 
and  purity  of  manufacture.  ffST  His  California 
Rheumatic  Cure  has  no  equal.  Depot,  904  J  street,  Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 


HWACHHORST  (Signof  theTownClock),  WATCH- 
maker  and  Jeweler,  Importer  of  Diamonds,  Jew- 
•  elry  and  Silverware.  Established  since  1850  and 
well  known  all  over  the  Coast  for  reasonable  prices  and 
superior  quality  of  goods,  4S"  Watch  repairing  a  specialty. 
Care  given  to  the  selection  of  Bridal,  Wedding  aud  Holi- 
day Presents.  315  J  street  (north  side)  between  3d  and  4th, 
Sacramento,  CaL 

PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS.  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     25TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


SAMUEL  JELLY,  WATCHMAKER,  IMPORTER 
and  Dealer  in  Fine  Watches,  Diamonds,  Jewelry  and 
Silverware.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and  most  reli- 
able houses  west  of  the  Rocky  Mountains.  First  estab- 
ished  in  1850.  422  J  street,  Sacramento.  S3T  Clocks, 
Watches  and  Jewelry  repaired  with  great  care. 


VM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc. ,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


/ETNA 


Hot  Mineral  Spring's 

NOW       OPEN? 

Situated  16  miles  east  of  St.  Helena,  in  Pope  Valley, 
Sonoma,  County. 
jtST  These  waters  closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany 
in  analysis  and  salutary  effects. 

■  Board  ami  Unlit*.  $10  per  Week. 
The  .-Etna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  daily 
(Sundays  excepted)  at  1  P.  M.,  connecting  with  the  8  A, 
M.  train  from  San   Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs 
at   5:30  P.  M.     Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlets  to 
W.    H.    LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoflice,  Napa  County,  California. 

Merced      Exchange. 

MESSES.     SCHUUli     &     FOWLER     HAVING 
leased  the  premises  corner  Montgomery  and  Wash- 
-.    ington  streets,  have  fitted  up  the  same  as  a  FIRST 
CLASS  SALOON  and  OYSTER  HOUSE. 

NOW    OPEN    TO    THE    PUBLIC. 

DEALERS  _IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310  Sansome   Street, 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


CONSUMPTION 


I  have  a  positive  re- 
medy fur  the  above  dis- 
ease :  by  its  use  tbons- 
_  anda  of  cases  of  the 
worst  kind  and  of  longstanding  have  been  cured.  Indeed,  so  strong 
ia  my  faith  in  its  efficacy,  that  I  will  send  TWO  BOTTLES  FREE,  to- 
gether with  a  VALUABLE  TUEATISE  on  Ihta  disease,  to  any  suffer- 
er     Give  ExpreSB  &  P.O.  addreaa  DR.T.  A.  SLOCUM,  1B1  Pearl  St.,  N.T. 


cards; 


|New Styles:  (fold  Beveled  ±ktge  ana 
k  Chronw  Visiting  Cards. finest  quality, 
flartiat  variety  and  loicest  prices,  50 
-cltromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

*nfA  eac/'on*  jr.  Clinton  Bbos.  ciCo-pCIliitonvUle^ConiL 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

AVON   THEATER,    STOCKTON,    CAL.      JUST 
completed.     Seats  1200  people.     Large  stage,  and 
all  first  class  appointments.     Apply  to  Humphrey 
&  Southworth,  proprietors. 


BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE.      NO    COMPOUND 
but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar  kind  of  fir. 
Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.     A  specific  for 
Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

GREAT  REDUCTION.  STOCKTON  IMPROVED 
Gang  Plows.  Extras.  Standard  molds.  Points, 
Wheels,  Lands,  of  all  kinds  ;.  10,000  in  use  and  war- 
ranted. Salesroom  and  warehouse,  cor.  El  Dorado  and 
Market  streets,  Stockton.  Globe  Iron  Foundry  cor. 
Main  and  Commerce  streets.  Agricultural  Implements 
wholesale  and  retail  John  Caine,  sole  proprietor.  P. 
O.  Box,  95,  Stockton. 

GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware.  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, CaL 

HC.  SHAW.  PLOW  WORKS.  DEALER  IN 
Agricultural  Implements,  Randolph  Headers, 
■  Stockton  Gang  Plows,  Farm  and  Spring  Wagons, 
Hardware,  etc.,  etc.  Office  and  warerooms,  201  and  203 
El  Dorado  street,  Stockton. 


H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  CaL 


M 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  CaL 


PACIFIC  COAST  LAW,  MERCANTILE  AND 
Patent  Agency.  Joshua  B.  Webster,  attorney  at 
law.  Practice  in  all  Courts,  State  and  Federal. 
Collections,  Probate,  Insolvency  and  General  Commercial 
Practice,  including  Patent  and  Copyright  Law.  fl3T  Prin- 
cipal office,  Room  No.  1,  Eldridge's  Building  (opp.  the 
Courthouse}  Stockton. 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  £3"  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtleff,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


THE    GEYSERS. 

THE  GEYSERS,  HOTEL  IS  NOW  OPENED  FOR 
the  entertainment  of   families  and  tourists.      Among 
the  accessories  of  this  famouss  resort  are  extensive 
Swimming  Raths  of  Clear  Mineral  Water  :  also,  siedl- 

cated  Steam  Baths. 
.  In  addition  to  the  excellent  accommodations  of  the 
Hotel,  there  are  Pleasant  Cottages  fitted  to  minister  to 
the  pleasure  and  comfort  of  the  occupants. 

THE      SCENERY 
Surrounding  the  Geysers  is  nowhere  excelled  in  grandeur. 
The  climate  offers  an  agreeable  change  from  the  fog  and 
dust  of  the  city.     The  drives  are  superb  and  the  roads  are 
now  open. 

Terms— $3  per  day  aud  $15  per  week. 

WM.    FORSYTH,  Proprietor. 


ARTISTIC     PRINTING. 
Every    Variety    of     Plain     and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  "by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGHES, 

511     Sausome     Street,  Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


Lady  AgentsS^KyS* 

and  good  salary  selling  Queen  Cltj 
Skirt  and  Stocking  Supporters,  etc 
Sample  outfit*  Free-  Address  Qdmb 
City  Suspender  Co.,  Cincinnati  O 


THE   BROOKLYN   HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen— take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  andcomteous 
manner.  The  terras  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
$1  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 


PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown. 
■422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

SKINNY   MEN. 

"  Wells'  Health  Renewer  "  restores  Lost  Vigor,  cures 
Dyspepsia  and  Nervous  Weakness.     $1. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most   Delicate. 


'This  Engraving  represents  Che  Lunga  in  a.  hijg.lt by  scaca. 

THE    I  Consumption, 
re^y  Coa-hs,  Colds 
for  Croup. 

CI   I  R  I  N  Ci  liid  Other  Tlinial  anil    Lung 

unM,u  AITectlnns. 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any  Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

Is  an  Expectorant  it    has  Xo   Equal. 

FOB  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    k   CO.,  San  Francisco.  California, 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  k  CO., 


PATENTSoWSiv. 

Also  Trade  Marks,  etc.  Send  model  and  sketch,  will 
examine  and  report  if  patentable.  M:\nv  years  prac- 
tice. Pamphlet  free.  E.  H.  GELlSTOX  «fc  CO., 
Attorneys,  Washington,  D.  C. 


AGENTS 


BIDEOUT  &C0.,  10BarclaySt.,N.r. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  §5  outfit  free.    Ad-      - 
dress  H.  Hallkt  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


THE    WASP. 


11 


THE    GAY     HARVESTERS, 


The  aged  Karon  von  Pomsel  was  a  jovial  man 
who  had  known  his  gay  fctmea  and  new  in  his  old 
age  took  pleasure  in  seeing  gay  young  people 
around  him.  <  >ne  thing  deeply  troubled  him — no 
matter  how  many  sacks  he  provided  for  harvest 
time,  invariably  at  the  end  of  the  year  many  were 
missing,  so  that  nolens  volens  the  old  Baron  must 
order  new  ones.  He  did  not  care  so  much  for  the 
worth  of  the  sacks  as  for  not  tracing  the  thieves. 
He  had  every  sack  painted  in  particularly  large 
letters  ; 

Beloxgh N!   Barou  von  Pomsel.     ivofi   me  tan- 

■;;  n       No.  \. 

But  it  was  of  no  avail.  The  sacks  were  still 
sought  after  as  before.  At  last  an  accident  came 
to  his  aid.  At  the  harvest,  the  women  young  and 
old,  dressed  in  their  Sunday  beat,  came  to  escort 
the  lurd  of  the  manor  in  festive  train  to  town  to 
get  the  harvest-wreath.  The  procession  had  start- 
ed, the  red-cheeked  Susie  and  the  moon-faced  Rosie 
had  proudly  taken  the  Baron  between  them,  and 
he  smilingly  reviewed  the  corps  of  Amazons  march- 
ing before  him.  Suddenly  the  sun  hid  its  face,  a 
brief  but  severe  shower  of  rain  fell,  and,  as  if  at 
command,  the  assembled  Pomsel  beauties  lifted 
(heir  Sunday  dresses  over  their  heads  for  protec- 
tion. 

Belonging  to  the  Baron  von  Pomsel.    ffioti  m*  tan- 
No.  — — . 

That  was  the  inscription  that  suddenly  became 
visible  upon  thirty-sis  backs  ! 

The  old  man's  face  lengthened  ;  lie  left  the  ranks 
with  his  two  companions  to  convince  himself  that 
all  bore  the  same  inscription.  "  Stand  in  line  !  " 
he  commanded,  stepping  behind  them,  and  aston- 
ished to  see  in  their  wet,  clinging  garments  his 
own  property.  With  few  exceptions  appeared 
number  for  number  from  one  to  fifty.  His  face 
cleared,  he  felt  set  back  in  his  forties.  He  went 
before  the  repentant,  downcast  beauties  who  had 
begun  to  sob. 

"  You  are  dismissed!*'  he  began.  The  sobs 
merged  in  general  loud  weeping.  "  You  are  all 
dismissed,"  he  continued,  kindly,  "from  the  bond- 
age signified  by  the  inscription  on  your  backs  :  (  Be- 
longing to  the  Baron  von  Pomsel ' ;  and  since  the 
notice  farther  reads  '  noli  me  tangere,'  or  touch  me 
not,  I  forbid  all  your  husbands  and  fathers,  once 
for  all,  to  use  their  right  of  punishment  on  the  spot 
where  you  wear  this  sign." 

Loud  rejoicings  answered  him.  The  women  had 
mentally  seen  themselves  behind  lock  and  key,  and 
inwardly  vowed  never  again  to  steal  from  the  old 
Baron.  They  never  used  his  sacks  again,  though 
he  thoughtfully  put  in  place  of  the  old  label  : 

Absolute  Property  of  the  Baron  von  Pomsel. 
{Threshing  material.) 

—Translated  by  E.  F.  D. 


We  read  in  our  local  society  news  and  records  of 
Irish  dynamite  meetings  a  great  deal  about  a  cer- 
tain " Marquis  D.  T.  Murphy."  We  believe  that 
this  eminent  nobleman  paid  the  Pope  a  silver  brick 
for  his  title  ;  but  we  beg  leave  to  inform  his  lord- 
ship that  he  doesn't  know  how  to  use  it.  When  a 
Marquis  takes  his  family  name  for  his  title  he  drops 
his  initials,  and  this  is  surely  particularly  desirable 
in  the  present  instance,  where  the  letters  "  D.  T.-," 
in  conjunction  with  the  name  of  Murphy,  have  a 
very  strong  smack  of  the  Home  for  Inebriates. 
Besides,  "Murphy"  is  altogether  too  common. 
Mrs.  Mackay  is  now  Mrs.  Maquet,  and  the  O'Briens 
are  all  Auxbriennes,  in  Paris.  Now  why  doesn't 
our  friend  call  himself  the  Marquis  Pomme-de- 
Terre  ;  it  would  sound  better  than  Murphy,  and 
the  name  would  not  lose  its  original  signification. 


Supervisor  E.  B.  Pond  having  been  elecied  Pres- 
ident of  the  Day  for  the  approaching  Fourth  of 
July  celebration,  the  Grand  Marshalship  was  given 
to  Senator  McClure,  as  a  non-partisan  act.  This 
divides  the  offices  politically  :  the  President  to  the 
Democrats,  the  Grand  Marshal  to  Bill  Higgins. 


lawless  under- assessments  concerning  which  we 
recently  had  a  word  to  say  ourselves,  rhoynski  is 
telling  the  truth  about  this  matter,  and  if  any  one 
is  curious  to  know  by  what  class  of  property  holders 
taxes  are  not  paid  he  will  do  well  to  read  up  the 
facts  as  presented.  Skip  the  commenta  if  you  will; 
the  figures  are  suthciently  interesting  without  them. 
If  any  daily  newspaper  in  town  had  the  courage 
and  honesty  to  publish  them  there  would  be  con- 
sternation enough  to  gratify  the  editor's  most 
tender  hope. 


We  do  not  approve  of  Mr.  Choynski's  Public 
Opinion ;  we  do  not  approve  of  any  journal  but  our 
own  ;  but  we  approve  of  ;t  the  truth  regardless  "? 
from  whatever  source  it  comes.  It  therefore  so 
falls  out  that  we  commend,  recommend  and  extol 
the  disclosures  that  Public  Opinion  is  making  of  the 


The  occupation  of  touting  for  railroad  passen- 
gers affords  the  widest  known  field  for  enterpris- 
ing and  original  liars,  and  one  of  the  first  qualifica- 
tions of  a  candidate  for  such  honors  is  an  absence 
of  any  amateurish  tendency  towards  the  truth,  or 
repugnance  to  falsehood.  The  summit  of  mendac- 
ity in  this  line  has  been  recently  reached  by  one  of 
these  gentlemen  who  held  out  as  a  superior  induce- 
ment that  his  line  ran  a  through  sleeping-car  to 
point  of  destination,  and  his  miserable  victim  sub- 
sequently discovered  that  part  of  his  road  was  a 
narrow  gauge  ! 


OUR     BITTER     HALVES. 


Lord  Koscoe  appearing  with  two  toes  nearly  de- 
composed, sustaining  his  torso  on  a  crutch,  suggests 
the  dreadful  time  he  kicked  a  copy  of  the  Tribune 
down  the  floor  of  the  Senate  ;  whereupon,  it  is 
said,  a  horrible  page  put  a  brick  beneath  the  offen- 
sive sheet  another  day  and  stood  oil'  to  watch  the 
effect."  A  deep  groan  and  a  gentle  swoon  at  the 
desk,  impressed  the  lesson  for  a  little  while  that 
nothing  bakes  as  hard  as  mere  clay. — X.  Y.  TVidune. 


One  of  the  young  men  on  a  daily  paper  here  is 
seeking  fame  'by  contributing  communications  in 
"  Pidgin-English"  between  two  imaginary  Chi- 
namen. The  idea  may  be  a  brilliant  one,  but  we 
had  always  imagined  that  the  Chinese  used  a  lan- 
guage of  their  own  in  the  privacy  of  their  wash- 
houses.  Perhaps  if  this  had  occurred  to  the  young 
man  he  would  have  left  the  pigtail  oft'  one  of  the 
speakers — and  perhaps  not. 


Salmi  Morse  has  produced  his  play,  A  Bustle 
Among  the  Petticoats,  and,  as  was  to  have  been 
expected,  it  was  a  dismal  failure.  If  that  is  the 
best  that  Salmi  can  do  in  play-writing  the  Savior 
has  had  a  narrow  escape,  and  will,  we  hope,  think 
more  charitably  of  Judas  Iscariot. 


No  fears  are  now  entertained  of  a  permanent 
rupture  between  the  Pope  and  the  Irish— except 
by  the  Irish  and  the  Pope. 


PIXLEY     AND     THE     POPE, 


Ed.  Wasp  ;— Lately  returned  from  my  travels 
and  going  through  my  accumulated  mail  matter  I 
am  pleased  to  find,  among  other  printed  things, 
that  the  Argonaut  and  the  Vatican  are  on  the  same 
side — forninst  the  Pope's  Irish.  The  Pope  and 
Pixley  trudging  along,  cheek  by -jowl,  through  an 
aristocratic  English  fog  in  pursuit  of  "the  Pope's 
Political  Irish  "  is  a  refreshing  picture.  It  is  almost 
as  good  as  the  picture  of  Dennis  Kearny  and  Mr. 
Pixley  on  the  same  platform  in  a  San  Francisco 
public  hall.  That  was  the  time  that  Dennis  mes- 
merized Frank  and  bossed  him  around  the  plat- 
form. At  that  time  Dennis  called  him  "Pixley" 
and  gave  him  orders  where  to  sit  and  what  to  do — 
which  Pixley  "sot"  and  did.  About  that  time  Mr. 
P.  was  raging  against  the  steamship  company,  and 
he  was  with  Dennis  in  favor  of  getting  somebody 
elm  to  blow  up  the  wharf,  etc.  But  when  he  real- 
ized that  Dennis  was  bossing  the  job  he  went  home 
to  his  private  office  and  began  his  great  war  on 
(i  the  Pope's  Political  Irish  "—particularly,  of  late, 
"  the  Pope's  Political  Democratic  Irish."  Andnow 
after  all  these  years,  and  those  tears,  and  that  ink, 
and  them  papers— floods  of  ink  and  ricks  of  papers 
now,  now  to  behold  the  Argonaut  and  the  Vati- 
can blowing  the  same  horn  to  the  same  tune  !  It 
is  a  splendid  thing  for  Ireland— if  they  will  only 
keep  at  it.  S.  O. 

Horn  Toad  Valley,  May  20,  188S. 


Somerville  takes  the  first  prize  for  a  tender- 
hearted man.  He  is  so  sensitive  that  he  can't  bear 
t*  see  or  hear  his  wife  saw  wood,  and  when  she 
tackles  the  bucksaw  in  the  cellar  he  puts  on  his  hat 
and  walks  out  or  the  house. 


The  other  day  her  Pa  invited  a  traveled  English 

man  out  to  dinner,  and  after  the  feed,  when  he 
had  exhausted  the  delights  of  the  family  album,  he 
asked  her  if  she  had  traveled.  She  had  never 
voyaged  further  than  Dubbo  -but  sh. 
on.  "  Sou've  been  to  Paris,  of  course?"  said 
tlu- modern  Briton.     "  Certainmong,"  replied  the 

ongoing  as  though  she  had  swallowed 
nut.      "And   seen   the  battle-field  of  Waterloo  as 
well?"  he   inquired.      "May    wee,"  ahe   replied, 
"  and  here  is  a  horseshoe  Pa  picked  up  near  t 
mong.      We  had  it  gilded,  and  keep  it  as  a  souv- 
enir. "     But   in  handing   it  over,  the  relic  of   the 

ield  fell  clattering  to  tin-  ground  am 
in  two.  Then  it  was  discovered  to  be  lull  of  saw- 
dust, and  to  bear,  stamped  on  the  reverse,  the  fol- 
lowing legend :  "  Jones  &  Co.,  Birmingham.'' 
The  conversation  was  then  changed  in  a  hasty 
manner,  and,  as  we  left,  the  young  lady  was  ex- 
tolling the  merits  of  the  poem  "  Excelsior,"  which 
she  remarked,  ong  passong,  she  considered  to  be 
Henry  Kendall's  shade-over. 


Some  locks  of  feminine  hair  wen-  found  on  the 
body  of  a  drowned  Englishman  near  I^ondou  re- 
cently. There  are  some  circumstances  under  which 
even  an  Englishman  will  take  to  the  water. 

Miss  Jennie  Flood  and  Miss  Crocker,  the  richest 
young  unmarried  women  on  the  Pacific  Slope, 
aspire  to  cells  in  convents.  — Sydney   t   UutraJia) 

Bulletin. 


Not  long  ago,  a  professor  of  the  palmistry  folly, 
which  is  living  its  little  crazy  day,  was  exhibiting 
in  a  drawing-room.  He  informed  a  lately  married 
lady,  in  answer  to  the  inquiries  of  friends,  that 
her  family  would  consist  of  two  children.  Soon 
afterwards,  a  gentleman  made  inquiry  as  to  his 
personal  prospects  in  that  respect,  when  the  pro- 
fessor intimated  that  he  could  have  no  hope  of  a 
family  of  more  than  one.  Then  there  was  an 
awkward  pause.     For  they  were  husband  and  wife. 


A  young  man  in  Cincinnati  advertised  for  a  wife 
and  the  advertisement  was  answered  by  his  sister. 


No  more  executions  of  women  are  to  take  place 
in  Spain  ;  that's  the  law.  Just  over  the  line,  into 
Portugal — but  it  is  not  for  us  to  make  suggestions. 


Surprisingly  little  was  ever  heard  of  John 
Brown's  wife,  and  noihing  of  any  family  that  he 
had.  His  wife,  it  is  believed,  saw  ahout  as  little  of 
him  as  does  the  wife  of  a  whaler.  She  was  solaced 
for  such  apparent  neglect  by  knowing  how  much 
else  he  had  to  look  after,  and  what  his  duties  were 
elsewhere.  It  was  comforting,  no  doubt,  to  her  to 
know  that  he  was  well  employed,  and  that  she 
always  knew  how  and  where  to  find  him.  "'  Why 
should  I  weep  for  my  deceased  husband  I  ,:  said  a 
lately  made  widow  ;  "  I  know  where  he  spends  his 
nights  now,  which  I  seldom  did  while  he  lived.  ' 
No  ignorance  such  as  that  could  have  troubled  the 
peace  of  mind  of  Mrs.  Brown. 

Adelina  Patti  was  born  in  Madrid,  in  184.S.  We 
do  not  know  how  old  she  is. 


A  surgeon  in  London  who  had  performed  the 
rare  and  delicate  operation  of  removing  a  lady's 
kidney  started  in,  in  the  most  natural  way,  to 
lecture  about  it,  but  the  patient's  husband  threat- 
ened to  "  have  the  law  on  him  "  and  he  surceased. 
There  is  to  be  a  contest  for  the  kidney,  though. 


The  word  Fan  is  thus  defined  :  An  article  that  is 
used  to  conceal  the  absence  of  a  blush. 

A  marriage  license  was  recently  granted  in  Ken- 
tucky to  a  man  agod  101.  The  bride  was  19,  and 
a  local  paper  says  she  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  her- 
self. What  for  ?  She  couldn't  be  any  older  than 
she  could,  could  3he  ? 

Mary  Anderson's  collection  of  stockings  is  said 
to  be  the  finest  in  the  country. 


What  is  this  ?  It  is  a  Young  and  Anxious 
Father.  Has  Tt  a  bottle  in  Its  Hand  !  Yes,  and 
there's  a  Big  Label  on  the  Small  Bottle.  What 
does  the  Label  spell  I  P-a-r  e-g-o-r-i-c.  Where  is 
the  Young  and  Anxious  Father  going  1  He  is 
going  Lo  the  Bawl  this  Evening, 


12 


THE    WASP. 


SPRING    IN     THE    SOUTH, 


I 


The  characteristic  of  Southern  California  at  this 
season  (writes  a  correspondent  of  the  New  York 
Tribune)  is  splendor  of  color.  Perhaps  in  reality 
there  is  notning  more  delicate  and  brilliant  in  the 
glow  of  this  Western  landscape  than  in  our  own 
early  June,  when 

The  year  grows  lush  in  lusty  stalks  ; 

But  1  am  not  sure.  Here  at  any  rate  the  softer 
beauty  is  heightened  by  stronger  contrasts  and  a 
more  rapidly  displayed  variety,  and  possibly,  as 
some  think,  by  a  quality  in  the  pure  atmosphere 
which  brings  out  the  hues  of  the  fields  and  woods 
and  mountains'as  a  varnish  finishes  the  tints  of  a 
picture.  And  then  the  colors  are  laid  upon  the 
land  in  such  imposing  masses.  The  young  wheat 
and  barley,  rippling  in  the  wind,  stretch  so  very 
far,  the  hillocks  thrusting  themselves  into  the 
midst  of  the  grain  sprsad  so  vast  a  display  of 
nowering  sage  brush  to  tempt  the  bees  ;  the  dark 
clumps  of  live  oak,  disposed  like  the  timber  in  an 
ornamental  park,  reach  across  hill  and  vale  to  such 
a  distant  horizon. 

I  was  about  to  add  that  flowers  of  every  color 
were  scattered  over  this  fascinating  landscape,  but 
"  scattered  "  is  a  word  which  certainly  does  not 
apply  in  this  case.  Their  profusion,  in  the  Ojai, 
and  similar  valleys,  is  indescribable.  A  New  Eng- 
land field  full  of  white  daisies  is  a  pretty  sight. 
Well,  try  to  picture  not  a  field  but  a  whole  country 
side,  covered  in  the  same  way,  not  with  any  single 
flower,  but  with  a  score  of  species  and  varieties  at 
once,  showing  a  dazzling  arrangement  of  luxurious 
tints,  purple,  and  magenta,  and  gold,  and  cardinal 
red,  and  creamy  white,  and  rising  in  royal  splendor 
here  and  there  great  patches  of  Eschscholtzias, 
whose  yellow  petals  deepening  to  a  rich  orange 
csntre  make  the  most  intense  color  it  is  possible  to 
imagine.  The  purple  wild  hyacinth  and  the  yellow 
pansy  were  the  commonest  flowers  at  the  beginning 
of  the  season.  Color  after  color  has  been  added 
to  the  show,  and  so  far  the  old  beauties  still  remain 
by  the  side  of  the  new. 

There  is  a  certain  favored  meadow  in  the  Ojai 
Valley  which  looks  more  like  a  painter's  palette 
than  anything  in  nature,  and  every  week  I  find 
some  fresh  splendor  added  to  it.  Just  now,  after 
I  had  thought  the  array  exhausted,  up  spring 
masses  of  blue  larksur,  much  richer  in  shade  and 
much  ampler  in  size  than  the  larkspur  of  our 
Eastern  gardens,  and  the  meadow  takes  on  a 
wholly  novel  glory.  The  flowers  will  last  some 
time  yet,  but  the  vernal  brightness  of  the  herbage 
is  already  past.  At  the  end  of  March  the  deciduous 
trees,  white  oaks,  sycamores,  black  walnuts,  and 
cottonwoods,  were  not  yet  in  full  leaf,  some  of  them 
were  half  bare  ;  but  the  grass  was  beginning  to 
t  irn  yellow.  A  rain  afterward  revived  it.  By 
the  end  of  April,  however,  the  green  on  the  slopes 
and  roadsides  was  withering  fast,  and  the  dry  and 
dusty  ground  began  to  suggest  the  pitiless  summer. 
It  is  only  for  three  or  four  weeks  that  this  natural 
garden  can  be  seen  in  its  full  beauty. 


WHAT    A    SNEER     IS. 


Teeth  of  animals  form  a  series  of  structures, 
subject,  as  even  the  tyro  in  zoology  knows,  to 
literally  immense  variations,  which  bear,  as  a  rule, 
a  relation  to  the  habits  of  life  of  their  possessors. 
Man's  teeth  are  undoubtedly  peculiar  in  that  they 
form  a  continuous  series,  and  are  not  separated 
throughout  their  extent  in  either  jaw  by  an  inter- 
val, such  as  we  see  very  familiarly  in  the  mouth  of 
a  horse  or  rat.  It  is  true  that  man  shares  this 
peculiarity  with  a  little  lemur  called  Tarsius,  and 
with  an  extinct  quadruped  the  Anoplotherium  ;  this 
fact  serving  naturally  to  diminish  somewhat  the 
special  character  of  the  human  teeth-array.  The 
"  eye-teeth,"  or  "  canines,"  of  humanity,  although 
not  specially  prominent,  are  yet  sufficiently 
developed  to  prove  that  they  have  assumed  their 
present  place  in  the  jaw  only  by  protest,  as  it 
were,  and  that  at  no  very  remote  period  they  were 
nruch  more  obtrusive  than  now.  In  the  apes  we 
see  these  teeth  highly  developed  and  reminding  us 
of  their  prominence  in  the  carniverous  tribes.  So 
also  when  man  sneers  he  uncovers  his  upper 
canines  of  one  side,  after  the  fashion  of  the  en- 
raged dog,  and  employs  similar  muscles  for  the 
display  of  the  tooth.  Mr.  Darwin,  is  therefore 
speaking  within  the  bounds  of  a  scientific  philos- 
ophy when  we  find  him  saying  that  a  sneer  reveals 
the  animal  descent  of  man  ;  "  for  no  one,"  he  con- 
tinues, "  even  if  rolling  on  the  ground  in  a  deadly 


grapple  with  an  enemy,  and  attempting  to  bite 
him,  would  try  to  use  his  canine  teeth  more  than 
his  other  teeth.  We  may  readily  believe  from  our 
affinity  to  the  anthropomorphous  (or  manlike)  apes 
that  our  male  semi-human  progenitors  possessed 
great  canine  teeth,  and  men  are  now  occasionally 
born  having  them  of  unusually  large  size,  with 
interspaces  in  the  opposite  jaw  for  their  reception. 
We  may  further  suspect,"  concludes  Mr.  Darwin, 
"  notwithstanding  that  we  have  no  support  from 
anology,  that  our  semi-human  progenitors  uncov 
ered  their  canine  teeth  when  prepared  for  battle, 
as  we  still  do  when  feeling  ferocious,  or  when 
merely  sneering  at  or  defying  some  one,  without 
any  intention  of  making  a  real  attack  with  our 
teeth."  In  other  words,  the  mere  gesture,  once 
probably  pursuing  a  very  definite  use  in  the  battle 
of  attack,  has,  like  the  tooth  concerned  in  its  ex- 
hibition, become  a  mere  shadow  of  former  realities. 
— Longman's  Magazine. 


JUST    THE    SAME     AS    A     MAN, 


To  a  bootblack  who  has  a  permanent  chair  at  Six- 
teenth street  and  Third  avenue  appeared  yesterday 
afternoon,  at  the  time  when  most  people  are  stir- 
ring abroad,  a  woman  well  dressed  and  of  modest 
deportment,  apparently  a  stranger  in  the  city,  who 
intimated  that  she  was  a  customer.  The  bootblack 
scratched  his  head  softly  with  one  finger,  and,  pro- 
ducing a  portable  box  from  a  recess  under  his  big 
chair,  moved  a  short  way  down  the  side  street,  in- 
dicating awkwardly  by  pantomime  that  his  unusual 
customer  should  follow.  She  did  not  seem  to  un- 
derstand him,  but  ascending  the  corner  throne 
without  diffidence,  placed  her  feet  upon  the  iron 
rests,  and  drew  her  skirts  up  to  the  top  of  her  but- 
ton boots  which  were  very  muddy.  The  bootblack 
turned  to  look  for  her,  saw  where  she  had  estab- 
lished herself,  scratched  his  head  again  softly,  and, 
returning  to  his  main  stand,  dropped  upon  his 
knees  and  began  without  more  ado  the  work  that 
was  expected  of  him.  Passers-by  were  struck  by 
the  unusual  spectacle  of  a  woman  seated  on  a  boot- 
black's street  throne,  and  many  without  intending 
any  rudeness  paused  to  watch  the  process  of  black- 
ing. By  the  time  the  last  boot  was  nearly  done,  a 
semi-circle  five  deep,  including  men,  women  and 
children,  had  gathered  about  the  throne.  They 
looked  on  with  deep  and  silent  interest  until  the 
workman  gave  a  tap  with  his  brush  upon  the  last 
boot,  indicating  that  his  work  was  done,  when  the 
crowd  stirred  and  the  emotions  that  had  been 
latent  in  them  found  expression  in  a  low-pitched 
and  respectful  cheer.  The  skirts  were  dropped  and 
the  owner,  blushing,  let  fall  a  dime  into  the  in- 
stinctively hollowed  hand  of  the  workman  and 
moved  rapidly  up  the  avenue. — N.  Y.  Sun. 


SPRING    1883. 


As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Plunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  thiB  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  S5. 


DON'T  DIE  IN  THE  HOUSE. 

"  Rough  on  Rats."    Clears  out  rata,  mice,  roaches, 
bugs,  flies,  ants,  moles,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c. 


bed- 


*  Both  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound  and 
Blood  Purifier  are  prepared  at  233  and  235  Western  Av- 
enue, Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of  either,  SI.  Six  bottles  for 
S5.  ;  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  SI  per  box  for  either.  Mrs.  Pinkham 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Inclose  3c.  stamp. 
Send  for  "  Guide  to  Health  and  Nerve  Strain." 


GENUINE    LAGEK    BIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Bi'ewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  best  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  a^F  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace1 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 


If  you  are  sick  and  troubled  with  dyspepsia,  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  will  cure  you. 


DENTISTRY. 
C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S. ,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco.  I 


No  Whiskey! 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  one  of  the  very  few  tonic 
medicines  that  are  not  com- 
posed mostly  of  alcohol  or 
whiskey,  thus  becoming  a 
fruitful  source  of  intemper- 
ance by  promoting  a  desire 
for  rum. 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  guaranteed  to  be  a  non- 
intoxicating  stimulant,  and 
it  will,  in  nearly  every  case, 
take  the  place  of  all  liquor, 
and  at  the  same  time  abso- 
lutely kill  the  desire  for 
whiskey  and  other  intoxi- 
cating beverages. 

Rev.  G.  W.  Rice,  editor  of 
the  American  Christian  Re- 
view, says  of  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters: 

Cin.yO., Nov.  i6,  i88i. 

Gents : — The  foolish  wast- 
ing of  vital  force  in  business, 
pleasure,  and  vicious  indul- 
gence of  our  people,  makes 
your  preparation  a  necessity ; 
and  if  applied,  will  save  hun- 
dreds who  resort  to  saloons 
for  temporary  recuperation. 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
has  been  thoroughly  tested 
for  dyspepsia,  indigestion, 
biliousness,  weakness,  debil- 
ity, overwork,  rheumatism, 
neuralgia,  consumption, 
liver  complaints,  kidney 
troubles,  &c,  and  it  never 
fails  to  render  speedy  and 
permanent  relief. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  bo  prevalent  in  this  coun- 
try as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
tiie  case,  this  remedy  "will  overcome  it. 
nil  CO  THIS  distressing  ct 
"■""»■  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney-Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
i3-   E^"If  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  £1.1  USE  I   OruK-ists  Sell 


KIDNEYtWORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY. 

In  a  certain  euro  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  the  evil  effeota  of 
youthful  follies  and  ex<-'<Kses. 

DR.  I1IKTIE,  who  is  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  or  the  University  or  Pennsylvania, 
will  agrfe  to  forfeit  Fire  Hnadred  Pol  Ian  for 
acaseofthe  kind  the  VITAL  RESTORATIVE 
(under  his  spec'*!  advice  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  timea  th« 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  com- 
DKNTiiixv,  by  A.  E,  MINT1E.  M.  D.,  No.  II 
Kearny  Street,  S.  F.    Send  fur  pamphlet. 

6AMPLE  IKiTTLE  IREF.  will  be  aent  to 
any  one  applviug  by  letter,  ata'lne  evmpiflme- 
*ex  and  us,   Strict  secrecy  id  "11  transaction! 


THE    WASP. 


a 


THE     FUNNY     MEN, 


The  proficiency  attained  by  the  colored  gentle- 
men who  have  charge  of  the  hat-room  in  large 
hotels  is  often  surprising.  They  will  pass  out  two 
hundred  chapeaux.  without  making  a  single  mis- 
take. A  young  man  from  Buffalo  was  so  impressed 
with  the  performance  the  other  day  that  he  asked 
the  phenomenon  how  he  knew  it  was  his  hat. 
"  Well,  Bah,"  was  the  brisk  response,  "  I  couldn:t 
swar  dat  de  hat  was  yourn,  Bah.  I  only  knows  dat 
it  wasde  hat  you  guv  me. "  The  bystanders  smiled, 
and  the  youthful  Buffalonian  stopped  the  investi- 
gation right  there. 


A  man  from  Woonsocket  was  obliged  to  make  a 
visit  to  Boston  on  some  business.  He  timed  his 
visit  so  as  to  be  able  to  hear  a  lecture  of  Mark 
Twain's  at  Tremont  Temple.  By  some  misunder- 
standing the  Woonsocket  man  mistook  the  day  of 
the  lecture,  and  happened  in  on  one  of  Mr.  Joseph 
Cook's  lectures.  He  listened  to  the  long  discourse 
without  discovering  his  mistake,  thinking  all  the 
time  that  the  lecturer  was  the  famous  humorist. 
On  his  return  to  Woonsocket,  his  family  questioned 
him  as  to  the  lecture.  "  Were  it  funny  ? "  was 
asked.  "Wal,"'  slowly  replied  the  traveler,  "it 
war  funny,  but  it  warn't  so  darned  funny  !  " 


In  heaven,  we  are  told,  there  is  more  joy  over 
one  sinner  that  repenteth  than  over  ninety-and- 
nine  who  have  never  gone  astray.  It  is  just  the 
other  way  here  below.  There  is  more  joy  over 
one  righteous  man  who  goes  astray  than  over 
ninety-and-nine  thousand  sinners  who  have  kept  at 
it  all  their  lives. 


Deacon  Jones  ih  one  of  your  self-poised  men. 
While  at  his  evening  devotions  a  gun  was  fired  be- 
neath his  window.  The  deacon  jumped  to  his  feet 
like  a  jack-in-the-box.      But  he  recovered  his  equa- 


nimity in  an  instant,  and  quietly  remarked  :    "  1 
don't  know  whether  that  fellow  killed  his  , 
not,  but  I  know  that  he  spoiled  mini 

It  has  been  discovered  that  one  cause  of  the 
popularity  of  the  telephone  consists  in  the  fact  that 
by  means  of  it  a  man  can  talk  with  a  friend  five 
minutes  without  asking  him  to  take  a  drink. 


H"     ceicbrateo^Ha 


A  lady  poet  asks  :  "  How  can  I  tell  him  that  I 
love  hiii]  no  more  >  "  There  are  divers  ways.  If 
he  lives  out  of  town,  and  economy  is  an  object,  she 
might  apprise  him  of  the  depressing  fact  by  postal 
card  ;  or  get  her  brother  to  tell  him  ;  or  wait  until 
a  telephone  is  established  ;  but  if  she  wishes  him 
to  receive  the  news,  as  if  by  magic,  she  should 
divulge  the  state  of  her  feelings  to  a  couple  of  mem- 
bers of  the  sewing-circle. 

Another  survivor  of  Balaklava  is  dead  in  En»- 
land.  Thus  they  are  falling,  the  "  noble  six  hun- 
dred," by  the  ruthless  hand  of  Time.  By  the  end 
of  the  century,  probably,  there  will  not  be  more 
than  nine  hundred  of  them  left. 


"  Henceforth  we  meet  as  strangers  !  "  exclaimed 
Brown,  in  a  tit  of  anger.  "  Thank  you,  Brown, 
my  dear  fellow  !  "  gushed  Fogg,  effusively  ;  "  you 
always  did  treat  strangers  better  than  your  friends 
and  acquaintances  and  you  make  me  exceedingly 
happy  that  I  am  henceforth  to  share  in  your  dis- 
tinguished consideration." 


"  RemuB,  wha'  come  o'  ye'  las'  Sunday  '.  didn' 
see  yer  to  de  chu'ch."  "  I  was  dar,  Sam'l  ;  I 
passed  de'  sasser."  "  Oh,  dat  'counts  fo'  not  seein' 
yer.  You  see  dar's  been  so  much  beggin'  goin'  on 
'round  ter  de  chu'ch  ob  late  dat  now  days  a  man's 
gotter  go  down  putty  deep  ter  fin'  suffin'  an'  I  speck 
I  muster  bin  down  in  der  bottom  ob  my  pocket 
browsin'  fur  change  when  yo'  kim  along,  an'  course 
I  couldn'  see  yer  f'om  dar." 


S^„  STOMACH  —  ^ 

8|TtERS 


There  has  caver  been  an 

in   which  thin    >tci 

ting  invigorant  and  anfci-feb- 
licine  ha*  failed  to 
ward  off  the  complaint,  when 
taken  duly  *S  a  protection 
against  malaria.  Hundred* 
f  physicians  have  :tt>:tiiih>ne<l 
all  tli.'  officinal  specifics,  and 
v  prescribe  this  harmless 
etable  tonii*  for  chill*  and 
fever,  as  well  as  dye] 

id  nervoun  affection*.  Hos- 
tetter'n  Bitters  ih  the  BpeciBc 
you  need. 

For  nale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


The  Cocoa  Crop  is  Short 

LOOK  OUT  FOR  ADULTERATIONS 
By    Using 

WALTER    BAKER   &  OO.'S 

Chocolate 

You  will  be  Sure  of  Securing  the  Beat. 
WK    T.    <<iu m\    «i   CO..  »oh'   Agent*. 

SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the   "  WASP"   on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Coverw.     Price,  Fifty  CentB. 


Rollin  P.  Saxe, 

218  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,   CAL. 
Importer,  Breeder,  Exporter  and  Commission  Merchant  in  all  kinds  of 

Live   Stock. 


Berkshire  Swine  a  specialty,  Correspondence  solicited. 


i4 


THE    WA§>Pm 


SHE    CAN    SPEAK    TRUTH. 


Lady  Florence  Dixie  will  not  down  at  the  bid- 
ding of  those  who  thought  her  latest  sensation 
would  retire  her  to  obscurity.  She  writes  to  The 
Dundalk  Examiner  a  hotly  worded  protest  against 
the  Parnell  memorial — '*  a  proceeding  humiliating 
to  Ireland  and  the  Irish  people.  Is  it  not,"  she 
continues,  "  a  farce,  a  sin,  a  cowardly  shame,  that 
while  famine  is  stalking  throughout  a  portion  of 
the  country,  the  greedy  cry  for  more  money  should 
again  be  raised  ?  Not  content  with  refusing  to  ac- 
count for  £155,000  of  public  money,  the  Party 
of  Grasp  and  Greed  are  again  appealing  for  gold, 
and  the  hat  still  goes  round.  Many  and  many  a 
shilling  is  being  cajoled  out  of  the  poor  man,  who 
if  allowed  to  follow  his  own  will  would  not  con- 
tribute a  cent,  and  the  indecent  eagerness  with 
which  whole  parishes  are  forced  to  subscribe  is  a 
disgrace  to  those  who  control  them.  While  I  have 
life  and  breath  left  to  speak,  I  will  not  remain  silent 
and  behold  a  people  duped.  I  say  that  this  eternal 
shriek  for  money  is  not  patriotism,  that  this  ever- 
lasting clamor  for  gold  is  not  self-sacrifice.  If  a 
country  is  to  be  regenerated  and  upraised,  both 
patriotism  and  self-sacrifice  are  needed,  and  some- 
thing nobler  than  self-constituted  beggars  to  lead 
the  people." 

*#*  "  Mean  people  take  advantage  of  their  neighbors 
difficulties  to  annoy  them."  Mean  diseases,  such  as  piles, 
rheumatism,  constipation,  dyspepsia,  malaria,  lame  backs, 
etc.,  take  advantage  of  people's  exposures  and  attack 
them.  It  is  then  that  Kidney-Wort  appears  on  the  field 
and  by  its  timely  agency  puts  to  rout  this  flock  of  evil  ail- 
ments.    It  is  a  friend  in  need  and  therefore  a  friend  indeed. 


A  true  strengthening  medicine  and  health  reuewer  is 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


WELLS'  "ROUGH  ON  CORNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "  Rough  on  Corns."  15c.  Quick,  com- 
plete, permanent  cure.     Corns,  Warts,  Bunions. 

ttaT  Nothing  so  simple  and  perfect  for  coloring  as  the 
Diamond  Dyes.  For  carpet  rags,  better  and  cheaper 
than  any  other  dye-stuffs. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


X 


JULIAN     R I 

AET_SALE. 

On  Thursday,  May  31at,  at  7:30  P.  M.,  we  will 
sell  by  auction  at  the  Booms  of  the  San  Francisco 
Art  Association,  No.  430  Pine  street,  a  collection 
of  Oil  Paintings  of  scenes  on  the  Pacific  Coast  and 
Eastern  States,  all  the  work  of  that  well-known 
artist,  Julian  Rix. 

The  pictures  are  now  on  view  day  and  evening  at 
the  Rooms  of  the  Art  Association,  where  catalogues 
may  be  had. 

EASTON  &   ELDRIDGE, 
Auctioneers. 


Baldwin    Theater. 

(JUSTAVE  FKOHMAN „ Lessee 

MOD JE SKA 


"  VIOLA,"  in  the  TWELFTH  NIGHT. 

—     ASSIBTED  BY      — 

MR.  H.  BARRYMORE  and  the  same  powerful  Com- 
pany that  supported  her  in  the  East. 

To-day's  Matinee,  last  performance  of  FROU-FROU. 

Monday,  May  28th, 

CAMILLEI 

Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbeling  Bbob Proprietors  and  Managers 

First  week  aod  unbounded  auccess  of  Suppe's 
charming  Comic  Opera,  in  3  acts, 

BOCCACCIO! 

Elegant  CostumeB,  enlarged  Chorus  and  Orchestra  and 
a  powerful  cast. 

Monday,  May   U8th,  for  a  short  time  only,  Gounod's 
FAUST. 

Emerson's  Standard  Theater. 

Wm.   Emerson, Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

EVERY      EVENING       AND       SATURDAY      MATINEE. 

EMERSON'S     MINSTRELS. 

Our      Star      Company 

—     IN      A      — 

GREAT     PROGRAMME . 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Balcony 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve.     Telephone,  5094. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Grand  Musical  Festival 


L'XDER  THE   DIRECTION   Ob' 


THEODORE  THOMAS, 

—  TO    BE     HELD    AT    THE   — 

Mechanics'    Pavilion 

—  OX    THE    EVENINGS    OF   — 

June  7th,  8th,  9th,  Nth  &  12th, 


AND   AFTERNOONS  OK  — 


June    llth    and    13th. 


Seven    Grand   Programmes, 

Embracing  the  widest  range  of  composition,  will  be  rend- 
ered by  the 

Theodore   Thomas'    Grand     Orchestra 

OF    SIXTY    PERFORMERS, 
In  conjunction  with  the  following  soloists  : 

MISS  EMMA   THURSBY Soprano 

MRS.   E.   HUMPHREY-ALLEN Soprano 

MRS.  ANNIE  HARTDEGEN, Soprano 

MRS.   BELLE  COLE Contralto 

MR.   FRED.   HARVEY, Tenor 

ME.   FRANZ  REMMERTZ, Basso 

—   AND    — 

MADAME  JULIE  RIVE-KING, Solo  Pianist 


The  sale  of  SINGLE  CONCERT  tickets  will  begin  on 

Monday     Next, 

At  9  o'clock  A.   M.,  at  the  music  stores  of  M.  Gray, 

Kohler  &  Chase,  and  Sherman  &  Clay  ;  also, 

at  the  White  House, 

FOR         BOXES        ONLY. 


PRICES: 

RESERVED  SEATS  (single  concerts) 81,  S2  and  83 

(according  to  location), 
BOX   SEATS  (single  concerts) S3,  «4  and  $5 

(according  to  location). 


Orders  by  mail,  telegraph  or  telephone,  to  any  of  the 
above-mentioned  ticket  offices  will  receive  prompt  and 
careful  attention. 

Ill  I  lil  i:    itltO's   PIANOS  useirut  Thomas'  Concerts. 


Are   You   Going   East  ? 
IIE1    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

To  pass  through  the  old  Historical,  most  densely  popu- 
lated, richest  and  best  portions  of  the  country  lying  be- 
tween the  PACIFIC  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  which  is  sparsely  settled,  desolate  and 
uninteresting.  Hence,  when  purchasing  your  ticket,  be 
particular  to  see  that  it  reads  by  way  of  the  Grand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


This  line  has  always  stood  in  the  first  rank  with  Cali- 
foraians  and  has  carried  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent. 

IF  YOU  SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed  of  the  Central  Pacific  R.  R.  ,from  San  Francisco  to 
OGDEN,  and  the  Denver  &  Rio  Grande  R.  R.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot  at  Denver  with  the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
'  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  either  via  Kansas  City  or 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  first- 
class  style.  If  yon  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  is 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific  R.  R's,  from 
San  Francisco  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  with  the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.  If  you  select  the  Southern  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific  and  Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  and  Union 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,  CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &  QUINCY 
Short  Line  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  at  KANSAS 
CITY,  and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arrival  at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the  Eastern  Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to  passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Hakpeb's  Feeby,  famous  Hobse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  op  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all  that  is  most  gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's  end,  besides  being  assured  of  all  that  is 
luxurious  in  traveling  across  the  continent  from  the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  BOSTON. 

All  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this  line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quincy  R.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Rail- 
road in  the  world  for  all  classes  of  travel. 


Important    to    Tourists    and    Visitors. 

Make  no  mistake.  See  MR.  McKAV  al  his  new 
office,  33  Montgomery  Street,  hefore  making;  arrange- 
ments for  your  l  rip  across  the  eontlnont. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Car  Accommodations, 
Checking  your  Baggage,  and  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without  charge. 

Special  attention  shown  to  Australian,  Mew  Zea- 
land. China  and  Japan  Passengers. 

T.  D.  McKAY, 

General  Hallway  and  Steamship  Passenger  Ageiil. 

32     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


ifeLE  CELEBRATED 

AMPAGNEWINES 

VS.  DeuU  A  Gelderman  Ay,  en  Cbampopne. 


CACHET    BLANC    Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     l,Bi:i:\      SEAL, 
In  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

■  BAM  RED  AND  WHITE  WINES,- 

a.  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

DOCK     WINES, 

■  ies  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sohn,  Mainz. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA   WINES,   Etc., 
114    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).     SAN    FRANCISCO. 


B 


*="         u     KINK       Ml 

ETHESDA 

"WATEE. 

AGENCY,  418  SACRAMENTO  ST.,  8.  F. 
b  or  sale  at  all  flrat-clasa  SALOONS. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN. 

FRENCH     BRANDIES, 

■     ,.      ..       £OB'^•    S«EBB»,     Bk-. 
In  bond  or  duty  paid. 

GEORGE       STEVENS. 

31s    front     street.    Boon,    a,     San    Frantbwo 


HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents' 

an  California  SI,  Son  Francisco,  Cm.      ' 


JiUBS   SaiA.  A.    ROCOUEBAZ.  R.    McKEI. 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jaekson   street*, 

^ SAN     FRANCISCO. 


Merchant  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DTJPONT. 

San   Francp8co,   Cal 

■J.  Scmt  ahtis. soU  SHn,PEE, 


s  c  s: 


E.     MA  RTI  N     &    Co. 

«  M.L¥o^rardH!LRDl!:..Uq,10r  ^^ 

and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA"'    """*• 

Old    Bonrbon    WbIakJrn.1 
408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


"Excelsior!"        "Excelsior!" 

C.     Z  I  1ST  1ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  S  Montgomery  street  (Masonic  Temple,, 


SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 

D,fNTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  irpcoahst.  for  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
_  HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

ROOMS    6,    8    and      10, 
Entrance,  806  Market  street. 

Dr.  CUAS   W.    DECKER,  Dentist 


Milwaukee  Beer 


ties  Meinecke  &  CO.,         B°ttled  ^  V0ECHTING-  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers 


^   EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor    of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


I     Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
U      SACRAMENTO      STREET. 

'Te  thy  8Qi  a  literal  etennn." 


JLMBEKLAIN  &  ROBINSON 

PROPRIETORS. 


lACTFlC 

BUSINESS 
IQLLEGE. 


I320&UF 


END   FOR  CIRCULARS   | 


l  jLeopold   Bro's 

1,o:rist 

'»ipOST  STREET,  below  Keamj' 
rffcqaets  Basbets,  Wreaths,  Crosses 


S 


RICHAEDS    &    HARBISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.  W.   Corner    SANSOMF.   and    SA<  B4MENTO    Streets,  ISan    Francisco. 


A 


s 

■  i,     — ^  Street. 

i'tographer. 


El   MCGAF.Y  &  CO, 

WHOLESALE 

U[>R    MERCHANTS, 

22  nd  824  FRONT  STBEET, 
-[ft  ■'CISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 

JCTELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

•Ppg  &  Commission 

.    MERCHANTS, 
»»lwd     1 2j     Front     street, 

ALSO  

"en  y,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


frican  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonlo  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 

niANOflHazelton  Bros 

1   First  Class,    V  ~~ 

Medium  Price,  A 

FULL    VALUE         I 

FOR   YOUR  MONEY  %M 


I  irSt    GlaSS,        %         HALLET  &  CUMSTON,  [FINE   OLD   TABLE  WINES 

A.JVT.  BENHAM, 


CHAS.  S.  EATON. 

735     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  St  Go's 

(°BUDWE1SER~BEERJ 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  IN 


Houseworth  's 

Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  of  I'xeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY       STREET. 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

The     Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers' Association. 


gar  itc,  i> eel    awards   of  California 

STATE  tl.ltK  I  I  I  |  it  li  SOCIETY;  also, 
MECHANICS'  LN8TITI1TE,  for  tbe  Best  Work- 
manship. 


MSUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES. 


N.  F.  Ccrner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


jUY_jOUR    SHIRTS    AND   UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY.  lb   KbAHNY  STHEE1 


•CQ 


COAL  "* 
PIG  IRON. 

J.    MacDONOUGH    &    Co., 

Importers  anil  dealers  in  all  kinds  of  Coal 

and  Pig  Iron 

4.1    MARKET    STREET, 

(Corner  Spear.)                   SAN  FRANCISCO. 
J.  MAoDosomm.  ■>■  c-  Wilson. 


■pco 

<i 

eS 
CO 


O 


CO 


GO 


CO 

Oh 

id  g 
oo 

d 

Q  * 

M 
t=5  a, 
5=<  -d 
«J  ^ 

E-1  a 
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2° 

t— I 

O 


SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant  and    Coffee  Saloon, 

German  Balrery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  .gent  for  BCSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS-  Gwman 
Sausages.  A.  RE1ISCHE. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOUIS. 


L.    P.    DEGEN     Maker    of 


|PtR,4.  ,BPtfi 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


CHAMPAGNE! 

DR*  MONOI'OLE  (extra), 

I.  ROEDEKER  (sweet  and  dry), 
""  *""'"  MOET  A  CHANDON, 

VEUVE    I'UCQIIOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 

PALACE    DYE    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
Its- Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Mwket  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits  Gloves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Hats,  Shawls,  Veils,  SasheB,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels  Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
'  CHAS.  J.  HOMES,  Prop. 


w 


olters  Brothers&Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  in 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Danem.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    DANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

2J  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  f RANCISCO  gTOGK  gREWERY, 

s^mSLm^S^^^        Corner  of  Powell 

Capital  Stock 
$200,000. 


ODR  LASER  BEER  BREW- 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANY  OLIMATE. 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH 

(Oculist.) 

FORMERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
"   removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  P.  M. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  116  Market  street, 
N»8. 11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

R.  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
D.  A.  MACDONAID,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,   Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sasnes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

311  to  225  Spear  St.,  21S  to  226  Stuart  st. 

SAN  Francisco,  Cal.. 

LICK  HOUSE 

OK     THE 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant 

THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Wm.   F.  HARBISON,  Manager. 

HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NTJNAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAN   FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 

WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET   AND  PINE  STREETS^ 

SAN   FRANCISCO. 

4  OENT3  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  S.  CO.; 
A  thePacific  Steam  Navigation  Co  -the  On. 
naVd  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Oo. ;  the  Hawaiian  Line. 
fte  China  Traders'  Insurance  °?JYiSmo 
the  Marine  Insurance  Oo.  o£  London;  the  Bala 
wta  Locomotive  Works;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo. 
Nich.  Aahton  h  Son's  Palt 


AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 

the  Pacific  Coast. 

RUDOLPH  MOHR,  Secretary 


Water  Prooi  Leather  Belting. 

128-130   FIRST  ST.,   San  Francisc, 


A.  FINKE'S  WIDOW 


^oAfettw^fe^- 


HE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530WASH1NGTON  ST  S.F.  CAL. 

63-None  Genuine  unless  bearing  our  name  on  I-aPel  and  Corn  .en 


CH 
Pa 


jT 


^FAND££ 

KOHLER  &  FROHLING 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 

AMPAGN C 

Pure,  dehcious  and  healthful.         Lm 
809   MONTGOMERY  St..  a*"1    Francises 

H  .      N  .      COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE 

105    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont)  San  Francibco.j 

Every    Lady    Shouli 

KNOW   MANNING'S 

Oyster    Grottc] 

Established      1854. 
GEO.     MORROW    &    CC 

Hay*  Grain  and  Commission  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL  STS.,  8 


Bonestell,  Allen  &  C< 


IMPORTERS   OF 


IP  _A_  IP  IE    7 

OP    ALL    KINDS. 

413  and  415  Sansome  St; 


The   Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brevred    on   the    Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
|l06    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refiner 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eighth  and  Brannan  stl 

OLATJS  SPRE0KEL8 Pr* 

J.  D.  8PRE0KELS Vice-Pn 

A.  B.  SPEE0KEL8 aeCl 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinei 

SAM    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  RennedBV 

including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 

C.  ADOIFUE  lOW,  Freal 

Office— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bittern 


TRADE 
MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING. 


O.    COOK    &    SC 

US    M.1RKJET    STREET,    S.    ■ 


V 


CVOL.  10. 


y°3  57. 


^rf  f  F^hfClljSfCO      JUKE,      2r\    1883 

svr&rs/)  *r  roe  /wsrap/cs  jrsM swat/SCO.  cm  4#i>  Jamms  sw  r/f/f/zs/tf/ss/c//  7-^eaw  TTfS  /*f/?/ts  4r  sscovo  otfiss  f/97£5 


i-ii^ssss 


A  N 


OAKLAND  STREET 


THE     WASP 


A    PROVIDENTIAL     INTIMATION, 


How   Mr.   Stenner   Did  Not  Become  a  Bonanza  King. 


Mr.  Algernon  Jarvis,  of  San  Francisco,  got. up 
cross.  The  world  of  Mr.  Jarvis  had  gone  wrong 
with  him  overnight,  as  one's  world  is  likely  to  do 
when  one  sits  up  with  jovial  friends  to  watch  it, 
and  he  was  prone  to  resentment.  No  sooner, 
therefore,  had  he  got  himself  into  a  neat,  gentle- 
manly suit  of  clothing,  than  he  selected  his  morn- 
ing walking-stick  and  sallied  out  upon  the  town 
with  a  vague  general  determination  to  attack  some- 
thing. His  first  victim  would  naturally  have  been 
his  breakfast ;  bit  curiously  enough  he  fell  upon 
this  with  so  feeble  an  energy  that  he  was  himself 
beaten — to  the  grieved  astonishment  of  the  worthy 
rotisseur,  who  hud  to  record  his  hitherto  puissant 
patron's  maiden  defeat.  Three  or  four  cups  of  ca^i 
noir  were  the  only  captives  that  graced  Mr.  Jarvis' 
gastric  chariot-wheels  for  that  morning. 

He  then  ignited  a  cigar  and  sauntered  moodily 
down  the  street,  so  occupied  with  schemes  of  uni- 
versal retaliation  that  his  dainty  little  feet  had  it 
all  their  own  way  ;  in  consequence  of  which  their 
owner  soon  found  himself  in  the  billiard-room  of 
the  Occidental  Hotel.  There  was  nobody  there, 
but  Mr.  Jarvis  was  a  privileged  character ;  so  go- 
ing to  the  marker's  desk  he  took  out  a  little  square 
box  of  ivory  balls,  spilled  them  carelessly  over  a 
table  and  languidly  assailed  them  with  a  long  stick. 

Presently,  by  the  merest  chance,  he  executed  a 
marvelous  stroke.  Waiting  till  the  astonished 
balls  had  resumed  their  composure,  he  gathered 
them  up,  replacing  them  in  their  former  position. 
He  tried  the  stroke  again,  and,  naturally,  did  not 
make  it.  Again  he  placed  the  balls,  and  again  he 
failed  to  score.  With  a  vexed  and  humiliated  air 
he  once  more  put  the  ivory  globes  in  position,  lean- 
ed over  the  table,  and  was  upon  the  point  of  strik- 
ing, when  there  sounded  a  solemn  voice  from  be- 
hind : 

"  Bet  you  two  bits  you  don't  make  the  riffle  !  " 

Mr.  Jarvis  erected  himself  ;  he  turned  about  and 
looked  upon  the  speaker,  whom  the  found  to  be  an 
utter  stranger — one  who  most  people  would  prefer 
should  remain  a  stranger.  Mr.  Jarvis  made  no  re- 
ply. In  the  first  place,  he  was  a  man  of  aristocratic 
taste,  to  whom  a  wager  of  "  two  bits"  was  simply 
vulgar.  Secondly,  the  man  who  had  proffered  it 
evidently  had  not  the  money.  Still  it  is  annoying 
to  have  one's  skill  questioned  by  one's  social  inferi- 
ors, particularly  when  one  has  doubts  of  it  oneself, 
and  is  otherwise  ill-tempered.  So  Mr.  Jarvis  stood 
his  cue  against  the  table,  laid  off  his  fashionable 
morning-coat,  resumed  his  stick,  spread  his  elegant 
figure  upon  the  table,  with  his  back  to  the  ceiling, 
and  took  deliberate  aim. 

At  this  point  Mr.  Jarvis  drops  out  of  this  history, 
and  is  seen  no  more  for  ever.  The  class  to  which 
he  adds  lustre  is  sacred  from  the  pen  of  the  true 
humorist ;  there  is  no  fun  to  be  got  out  of  it.  So 
now  we  will  dismiss  this  uninteresting  young  arist- 
ocrat, retaining  merely  his  outer  shell,  the  fashion- 
able morning-coat,  which  Mr.  Stenner,  the  gentle- 
man, who  had  offered  the  wager,  has  quietly  thrown 
across  his  arm  and  is  conveying  away  for  his  own 
advantage. 

An  hour  later  Mr.  Stenner  sat  in  his  humble 
lodgings  at  North  Beach,  with  the  pilfred  garment 
upon  his  knees.  He  had  already  taken  the  opinion 
of  an  eminent  pawnbroker — a  miserable  Jew  at  the 
corner  of  Kearny  and  Commercial-streets,  who 
once  swindled  the  author  of  this  tale — upon  its 
value,  and  it  only  remained  to  search  the  pockets. 
Mr.  Stenner's  ideas  concerning  gentlemen's  coats 
were  not  as  clear  as  they  might  have  been. 
Broadly  stated,  they  were  that  these  garments 
abounded  in  secret  pockets  crowded  with  a  wealth 
of  bank  notes  interspersed  with  gold  coins.  He 
was,  therefore  disappointed  when  his  careful  quest 
was  rewarded  with  only  a  delicately  perfumed 
handkerchief,  upon  which  he  could  not  hope  to 
obtain  a  loan  of  more  than  ten  fcents  ;  a  pair  of 
valueless  gloves  ;  and  a  bit  of  paper  which  was 
not  a  cheque.  A  second  look  of  this  latter  object, 
however,  inspired  hope.  It  was  about  the  size  of 
a  flounder,  ruled  in  wide  lines,  and  tore  in  conspicu- 
ous characters  the  words,  "  Western.  Union  Tele- 
graph Company."  Immediately  below  this  inter- 
esting legend  was  much  other  printed  matter,  the 
purport  of  which  was  that  the  company  did  not 
hpld  itself  .responsible  for  the  verbal  accuracy  of 

the  following  message,"   and   did   not   consider 
-  itself  either  morally  or  legally  bound  to  forward  or 


deliver  it,  nor,  in  short  to  render  aDy  kind  of 
equivalent  for  the'  money  paid  by  the  sender." 

Quite  unfamiliar  with  telegraphy,  Mr.  Stenner 
naturally  supposed  that  a  message  subject  to  these 
hard  conditions  must  be  one  of  not  only  very  grave 
importance,  but  decidedly  questionable  character. 
So  he  determined  to  decipher  it  at  that  time  and 
place*  In  the  course  of  the  day  he  succeeded  in  so 
doing."  It  ran  as  follows,  omitting  lthe\.  date  and 
the  names  of  persons  anoV  places,  which  were,  of 
course,  quite  illegible  : 

"'Buy  Sally  Meeker  !  " 

Had  the  full  force  of  this  remarkable  adjuration 
burst  upon  Mr.  Stenner  all  at  once  it  might  have 
carried  him  away,  which  would  not  have  been  so 
bad  a  thing  for  San  Francisco  ;  but  as  the  mean- 
ing had  to  percolate  slowly  through  a  great  dense 
dyke  of  ignorance,  it  produced  no  other  immediate 
effect  than  the  exclamation,  "  Well,  I'll  be  bust  !  " 

In  the  mouths  of  some  people  this  form  of  ex- 
pression means  a  great  deal.  Lisping  infants  em- 
ploy it  loosely  and  variously  ;  usually  they  indi- 
cate by  it  only  a  mild  surprise  that  they  cannot 
erect  a  stack  of  dominoes  a  mile  high  on  the  back 
of  the  cat.  Upon  the  Stenner  tongue  it  signified 
merely  the  hopeless  nature  of  the  Stenner  mental 
confusion. 

It  must  be  confessed — by  persons  outside  a  cer- 
tain limited  and  sordid  circle — that  the  advice 
lacks  amplification  and  elaboration  ;  in  its  terse, 
bald  diction  there  is  a  ghastly  suggestion  of  traffic 
in  human  flesh,  for  which  in  California  there  is  no 
market  since  the  abolition  of  slavery  and  the  im- 
portation of  thoroughbred  beeves.  If  woman 
suffrage  had  been  established  all  would  have  been 
clear  ;  Mr.  Stenner  would  at  once  have  understood 
the  kind  of  purchase  advised  ;  fo*r  in  similiar 
transactions  he  had  very  often  changed  hands 
himself.  But  it  was  all  a  muddle,  and  resolving  to 
dismiss  the  matter  from  his  thoughts,  he  went  to 
bed  thinking  of  nothing  else  ;  for  twenty-four 
hours  his  excited  imagination  would  do  nothing 
but  purchase  slightly  damaged  Sally  Meekers  by 
the  bale,  and  retail  them  to  itself  at  an  enormous 
profit. 

Next  day,  it  flashed  upon  his  memory  who  Sally 
Meeker  was — a  racing  mare  !  At  this  perfectly 
obvious  solution  of  the  problem  he  was  overcome 
with  amazement  at  his  own  sagacity.  Rushing 
into  the  street  he  purchased,  not  Sally  Meeker,  but 
a  sporting  paper — edited  by  a  low  fellow  named 
Morril,  who  once  offended  the  author  of  this  sketch 
— and  in  it  he  found  the  notice  of  a  race  which  was 
to  come  off  the  following  week  :  and  sure  enough 
there  it  was  : 

"  Budd  Doble  enters  g.  g.  Clipper  :  Bob  Scotty 
enters  b.  g.  Lightnin';  Staley  Tupper  enters  b.  s. 
Upandust  ;  Sim.  Salper  enters  b.  m.  Sally 
Meeker." 

It  was  clear  as  mud  now  ;  the  sender  of  the  dis- 
patch was  "in  the  ring."  Sally  Meeker  was  to 
win,  and  her  owner,  who  did  not  know  it,  had 
offered  her  for  sale.  At  that  supreme  moment  Mr. 
Stenner  would  willingly  have  been  a  rich  man  !  In 
fact  he  resolved  to  be.  He  at  once  betook  him  to 
Vallajo,  where  he  had  formerly  resided  until  in- 
vited away  by  some  influential  citizens  of  the  place. 
There  he  immediately  sought  out  an  industrious 
friend  who  had  an  amiable  weakness  for  draw 
poker  and  in  whom  Mr.  Stenner  regularly  en- 
couraged that  passion  by  going  up  against  him 
every  payday  and  despoiling  him  of  his  hard  earn- 
ings. He  did  it  tins  time,  to  the  amount  of  one 
hundred  dollars. 

No  sooner  had  he  raked  in  his  last  pool,  and  re- 
fused his  friend's  appeal  for  a  trifling  loan  where- 
with to  pay  for  breakfast,  than  he  bought  a  check 
on  the  Bank  of  California,  enclosed  it  in  a  letter 
containing  merely  the  words  "  Bi  Saly  Meker, " 
and  despatched  it  by  mail  to  the  only  clergyman  in 
San  Francisco  whose  name  he  knew — a  dull  fellow 
named  Boltright,  who  once  tried  to  convert  the 
author  of  this  sketch.  Mr.  Stenner  had  a  vague 
notion  that  all  kinds  of  business  requiring  strict 
honesty  and  fidelity  might  be  profitably  intrusted 
to  the  clergy;  otherwise  what  was  the  use  of 
religion  ?  I  hope  I  shall  not  be  accused  of  disre- 
spect for  the  cloth  in  thus  bluntly  setting  forth  Mr. 
Stenner's  estimate  of  the  parsons,  inasmuch  as  I 
do  not  share  it. 

This  business  off  his  mind,  Mr.  Stenner  unbent 
in  a  week's  intoxication  ;  at  the  end  of  which  he 
worked  his  passage  down  to  San  Francisco  to 
secure  his  winnings  on  the  race,  and  take  charge  of 
his  peerless  mare.  It  will  be  observed  that  his 
notions  concerning  races  were  somewhat  confused  ; 
his  experience  of  them  had  hitherto  been  confined 


to  that  branch  of  -  the  business  requiring,  not 
technical  knowledge  but  manual  dexterity.  In 
short,  he  had  done  no  more  than  pick  the  pockets 
of  the  spectators.  Arrived  at  San  Francisco  he  was 
hastening  to  the  residence  of  his  clerical  agent, 
when  he  met  an  acquaintance,  to  whom  he  put  the 
triumphant  question  "  How  about  Sally  Meeker?" 

"Sally  Meeker;?  Sally  Meeker?"  'was  the 
reply.'  "  O,  you  mean  the  hoss.t  Why  she's  gone 
up  the  flume.  Broke  her  neck  the  first  heat.  But 
ole  Sim  Salper  es  never  a-goin'  to  fret  himself  to  a 
shadder  about  it.  He  struck  a  pizen  in  the  mine 
she  was  named  a'ter,  and  the  stock's  gone  up 
from  nothin'  out  o'  sight.  You  couldn't  tech  that 
stock  with  a  ten-foot  pole  !  "■ 

Which  was  a  blow  to  Mr.  Stenner.  He  saw  Ms 
error  ;  the  fatal  message  had  evidently  been  sent 
to  a  broker,  and  referred  to  the  stock  of  the  "  Sally 
Meeker"  mine.    And  he,Stenner,wasaruinedman  ! 

Suddenly  a  great,  monstrous,  misbegotten  and 
unmentionable  oath  rolled  from  Mr.  Stenner's 
tongue  like  a  cannonball  hurled  along  an  uneven 
floor  !  Might  it  not  be  that  the  Rev.  Mr.  Bolt- 
right  had  also  misunderstood  a  message  and  had 
bought,  not  the  mare,  but  the  stock  1  The  thought 
was  electrical  :  Mr.  Stenner  ran — he  flew  !  He 
tarried  not  at  walls  and  the  smaller  sort  of  houses, 
but  went  over  them  !  In  five  minutes  he  stood  be- 
fore the  good  clergyman — and  in  one  more  had 
asked,  in  a  hoarse  whisper,  if  he  had  bought  any 
"  Sally  Meeker." 

"  My  sood  friend,"  was  the  bland  reply-  "  my 
fellow  traveler  to  eternity,  it  would  more  comport 
with  your  substantial  needs  to  inquire  what  you 
shall  do  to  be  saved.  But  since  you  ask  me  I  will 
confess  that  having  received  what  I  am  compelled 
to  regard  as  a  providential  intimation,  accompanied 
with  the  secular  means  of  obedience,  I  did  put  up  a 
small  margin  and  purchase  largely  of  the  stock  you 
mention.  The  venture,  I  am  constrained  to  State, 
was  not  wholly  unprofitable." 

Unprofitable  !  The  good  man  had  made  a  square 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars  on  that  small  margin  1 
What  is  more,  he's  got  it  yet. 

Which  is  perhaps  a  judgment  upon  Mr.  Stenner., 
I  don't  know.  B. 


WHY     NO     SCOTCHMEN    GO     TO    HEAVEN. 

Long  years  ago,  in  times  so  remote  that  history 
does  not  fix  the  epoch,  a  dreadful  war  was  waged 
by  the  King  of  Scotland.  Scottish  valor  prevailed, 
and  the  King  of  Scotland,  elated  by  his  success, 
sent  for  his  Prime  Minister,  Lord  Alexander. 

"  Well,  Sandy,"  said  he,  "  is  there  ne'er  a  King 
we  canna  conquer  noo  ?  " 

"  An5  it  please  your  Majesty,  I  ken  o'  a  King 
that  your  Majesty  canna  vanquish." 

"  An1  who  is  he,  Sandy  ?  " 

Lord  Alexander,  reverently  looking  up,  said. 
"The  King  o'  Heaven." 

"  The  King  o'  whur,  Sandy  I  " 

"  The  King  o'  Heaven." 

The  Scottish  King  did  not  understand,  but  was- 
unwilling  to  exhibit  any  ignorance. 

"  Just  gane  youv  ways,  Sandy,  and  tell  the  King 
o'  Heaven  to  gi'e  up  his  dominions,  or  I'll  come  my- 
sel'  and  ding  him  oot  o'  them  ;  and  mind,  Sandy, 
ye  dinna  come  back  to  us  until  ye  hae  dune  oor 
biddin'." 

Lord  Alexander  retired  much  perplexed,  but  met 
a  priest,  and,  reassured,  returned  and  presented 
himself. 

"  Well,  Sandy,"  said  the  King,  "  ha'e  ye  seen, 
the  King  of  Heaven,  an'  what  "says  he  to  oor 
biddin'  ? " 

"  An'  it  please  your  Majesty,  I  have  seen  aue  of 
his  accredited  ministers." 

"  Weel,  an'  what  says  he  1 " 

"  He  says  your  Majesty  may  e'en  hae  his  king- 
dom for  the  askin'  o'  it. " 

"  Was  he  sae  civil  ?  "  said  the  King,  warming  to 
magnanimity.  "Just  gang  your  ways  back,  Sandy, 
and  tell  the  King  o'  Heaven  that  for  his  civility 
the  deil  a  Scotchman  shall  ever  set  foot  in  his  king- 
dom." 

It  is  pretty  hard  to  bring  up  a  child  to  believe 
that  a  circus  is  bad,  when  Beecher  writes  to  a  show 
man  who  gives  him  a  free  ticket,  and  says  that  the 
circus  is  a  big  thing,  and  he  would  like  to  go  once 
a  week.  If  the  greatest  preacher  in  the  world 
wants  to  go  to  a  circus  once  a  week,  why  should  we 
fan  a  boy  with  a  piece  of  clapboard  because  he- 
wants  to  go  once  a  year  f  Somehow,  it  is  hard  to 
run  this  world  by  any  regular  set  of  rules,  or  time- 
cards.     It  runs  itself  best. 


THF     WASP. 


ON     THE    CALIFORNIA     HILLS. 


Across  the  bro  id,  brown  peaceful  hills, 

With  blossoms  to  qui  i cos's  knees, 

Witli  singing  birds  by  broken  rilla 

W  e  i ">i'-  thi  ■  drowsy  bee.s. 

Ti..     u   i..,  ..,   i,  ■.,   ,til! 

A-  we  rode  on  thai  perfect  day. 
The  brown  birds  piping  from  the  hill  ; 
Che  crickets  ha  i  it  their  own  way. 

Then  we  fell  weary  with  the  day, 
*  rod's  bars  "t"  gold  across  the  west 

Bi  fore  li  drew  and  made  us  Btaj 
Beside  a  blossomed  rill  and  rest. 

Che p-fire  blazed,  the  broncos  grazed, 

And  belly-deep  in  bloom  and  grass 

Would  blink  as  by  the  bright  flame  dazed, 
Or  snuff  to  smell  the  panther  Dasg. 

The  massive  stars  of  gold  stood  out, 

Bright  camp-tims  of  puor,  weary  .souls 

Bound  heavnward.     While  all  about 
I  touched  peace,  with  white  patrols, 

Joaquin  Milh  r. 


CHAFF, 

The  traits  of  human  nature  most  depraved  never 
become  extinct,  I  am  beginning  to  fear.  Social, 
religious,  and  political  conditions  suppress  at  times 
this  or  that  bad,  base  or  cruel  phase  of  human 
nature,  but  no  evil  that  ever  existed  in  human 
nature  has,  I  believe,  ever  been  rooted  out.  I  am 
moved  to  this  discouraging  reflection  because  of  an 
experience  I  had  last  week.  I  was  thrown  for 
two  whole  days  into  the  company  of  a  man  who 
punned.  Not  a  boy,  mind  you,  for  with  Ids  many 
other  idiocies  a  boy,  in  our  halting  civilization  is 
still  permitted  to  pun,  but  a  full  grown  man  and 
one  who,  in  most  other  respects  than  that  he  is  a 
punster,  is  considered  a  gentleman.  There  is  no 
character  of  bore  more  borous  ;  no  idiot  more 
maddening  ;  no  plague  more  deadly  ;  no  fool  more 
exhausting  than  a  punster.  The  disheartening 
peculiarity  of  this  punning  disease  is  that  its 
wretched  victim  is  so  warped  in  mind  by  its  effect 
that  he  cannot  be  made  to  understand  how  ob- 
noxious he  is.  If  you  hoot  and  flout  and  black- 
guard him  lie  is  merry,  for  he  mistakes  that  for 
applause  and  strains  his  disease-enfeebled  mind  to 
pun  again.  If  you  insult  him  he  knows  it  not,  yet 
he  pays  you  dearly,  for  he  puns  again.  A  skunk, 
I  am  convinced,  is  perfectly  aware  of  his  malodor- 
ousness,  for  he  makes  h'mself  obnoxious  only  to 
his  enemies  ;  but  a  punster's  senses  are  so  per- 
verted by  the  disease  that  he  mistakes  for  sweet 
perfume  the  vilest  malodors— for  the  fellow  puns 
at  you  when  you  have  never  kicked  him. 


A  friend  of  mine  who  has  his  breakfast  served  to 
him  in  bed,  served  on  his  bed,  in  fact,  came  to  me 
the  other  day  with  traces  of  great  mental  exertion 
on  his  brow  and  said  :  "  When  is  a  meal  not  a 
meal  l  " 

I  gave  it  up  ;  I  always  do. 

"  When  it  is  a  bed-spread,"  he  replied,  and  sigh- 
ing he  departed. 

I  quote  this  as  an  argument  in  favor  of  having 
one's  breakfast  served  on  a  table — you  couldn't  call 
it  a  table-cloth,  you  know. 


Down  on  the  Island  of  Hawaii  there  is  a  queer 
little  railroad,  so  crooked  that  the  engineer  is  fre- 
quently compelled  to  slow  up  to  prevent  his  engine 
from  butting  into  the  rear  end  of  the  train.  The 
worst  curves  uncomfortably  enough,  are  on  high 
trestle  works,  and  to  overcome  in  a  measure  the 
disagreeable  results  of  tumbling  off'  them,  the  en- 
gines and  rear  cars  of  all  trains  are  supplied  with 
kedge  anchors.  When  the  train  starts  to  fall  at 
one  end,  the  anchor  is  thrown  out  on  the  other, 
and  catching  in  the  timbers  of  the  trestle  holds 
"the  train  suspended  in  mid  air  while  the  passengers 
are  permitted  to  climb  out  of  the  cars,  and  up  the 
anchor  chain  to  the  trestle.  The  triumphs  of 
mechanical  genius  are  indeed  pleasant  to  contem- 
plate. 


Now  here  you  have  a  sale  of  pictures  by  Julian 
Rix.  Mr.  Rix  absorbs  from  what  he  considers  the 
best  around  him  to  a  degree  which,  when  one  re- 
gards his  reproduction  of  the  absorption,  would  be 
called  in  literature  plagiarism.     Every  thing  Mr. 


Kix  has  that  is  new  runs  to  green  as  did  his  earlier 
efforts  to  strawberry  red.  He  has  copied  his  green, 
Hi-  lone,  handling  and  its  very  shades  from  Mr. 
Swain  GifFord  This  would  be  excellent  except  for 
one  thing  ;  the  only  thing  objectionable  about  Mr. 
Gilford's  painting  is  his  green. 

1 1  pou  were  Billy  Muldoon,  and  I  were  Donald  D., 
U  ould  you  treat  me  to  a  neck  grip  after  every  spree  ? 
If  you  were  Billy  Muldoon  would'st  cross  me  on  thy 

knee  ? 
If  yon  were  Johnny  Sullivan,  and  I  were  Jemmy  Mace, 
Would'st  counter  on  my  mouth,  dear,  and  batter  in  the 

place 
Where  nature  set  a  nose  to  adorn  my  pretty  face  ? 


A  youth  standing  at  a  maiden's  elbow,  while  she 
played  him  Sehuman's  Warum,  artlessly  remarked 
at  the  the  end  :  "That's  mighty  pretty,  but  what 
a  queer  way  to  spell  Worm." 


Apropos  of  Francesca  Da  Rimini  :  One  diligently 
searching  Dante's  Inferno,  for  the  story  propounds  : 
"  This  Second  Circle,  where  the  naughty  pair  was, 
is  just  like  San  Francisco — fillpd  with  people  guilty 
of  the  sins  of  the  flesh,  tossed  about  by  a  deuce  of 
a  wind."     Liberal  translation  of  bufera  infernal. 

A  young  law  student  says  he  lias  learned  the 
divisions  of  the  California  Courts  at  laBt.  The 
Supreme  Court,  where  they  know  a  little  English 
and  no  law,  and  the  Superior  Courts,  where  they 
know  neither  law  or  English. 


A  lady  reproached  by  her  friend  for  not  writing 
more  frequent  letters  gave  the  care  of  her  numer- 
ous children  as  an  excuse.  "  But,"  said  her 
friend,  "  Georges  Sand  kept  her  children  with  her 
and  she  found  time  to  wield  the  pen."  "  She  had 
an  exceptional  family,"  was  the  reply  ;  "  my  time 
is  spent  wielding  the  children."  Boutville. 


NEWSPAPA    MAN, 


Warranted    to 


as     Bad     as    the    Chronicle. 


"  You  sabbe  newspapa  man  ?  "  queried  Wing 
Chunk,  as  he  leisurely  washed  his  feet  in  the  dish- 
pan  and  proceeded  to  clean  his  teeth  in  the  same 
water.  "  He  allee  time  litee  p'leece  court,  litee 
dou  fight,  callum  Supelvisa  big  foolee — no  likee  pay 
washbill.  Some  time  Ilishman  catchum  'lection, 
newspapa  man  callum  plominent  citizen.  Some 
time  Ilishman  allee  same  Denis  Kayney  no  got 
money,  no  got  job  in  City  Hall,  newspapa  man 
callum  clazy  dlaj'man. 

"  Jus'  now  Clonicle  lepor'ta  no  can  find  honest 
man  to  callum  lascal ;  no  mo'  Dolliva  thai ;  no  mo' 
fool  Chinaman  mally  Melican  woman ;  no  can  find 
nasty  news  at  all ;  velly  bad  fix.  He  say  me  makee 
heap  big  man,  allee  same  Peck  Sun.  Me  litee  velly 
funny  lie,  allee  same  two  Chinaman  no  can  talk 
Chinee,  bimeby  catchee  heap  money. 

"  Wha'  fo'  litee  washhouse  1  Newspapa  man  no 
sabbee  washhouse  ;  no  got  money  Chinaman  no 
wash  him  one  pai'  socks,  one  colla  !  Velly  poo' 
devil,  newspapa  man  !  "  Bysshe. 


Oakland,  May  30th,  1888. 
Editor  of  the  Wasp.  Sir: — A  few  months  ago 
there  was  published  by  a  stock  company  at  Berke- 
ley a  collection  of  "  College  Verses,"  in  which  ap- 
peared, over  my  name,  a  couple  of  stanzas  which 
one  of  your  contributors  says  he  wrote.  I  have 
never  claimed  the  authorship  of  the  verses,  and  my 
name  was  appended  to  them  entirely  without  my 
knowledge  or  consent.  Had  I  deemed  the  matter 
of  sufficient  importance  to  merit  the  attention  of 
the  Wasp,  I  should  have  made  the  same  denial  in 
print  that  I  made  verbally  to  all  my  friends  as  soon 
as  the  book  came  to  my  notice.  The  publication 
in  the  Wasp  of  articles  accusing  me  of  plagiarism, 
has  rendered  this  explanation  io  print  necessary. 
Yours,  respectfully,  H.  Roscoe  Havens. 


It  is  a  usual  custom  with  the  aristocracy  of  the 
Danubian  Principalities  to  send  their  sons  to  Paris 
for  education.  These  sprigs  of  Sclavonic  nobility 
are  not  particularly  moral  at  the  best  of  times,  but 
after  they  have  been  a  little  while  in  Paris,  they 
become  monsters  of  juvenile  depravity.  Upon 
which  basis  this  mot  was  built.  A  youth  of  seven- 
teen was  pointed  out  by  a  Parisian  to  his  friend  as 
a  Moldo-Wallachian.  "  What  !  "  said  the  editor  ; 
"  already." 


THE     UNFAIR     SEX, 


In  a  recent  lecture  Miss  Emily  Faithfull  Baid  : 
u  God  made  women  fools  in  order  that  they  should 
be  fit  companions  for  men."  As  Emily  is  still  a 
spinster,  it  looks  as  if  there  are  depths  of  folly  to 
which  no  man  haB  yet  descended.  For  whom  is 
she  reserved '( 


The  best  argument  for  short  skirts  is  that  they 
give  the  cigar  stumps  a  rest.  They  have  another 
merit,  but  we  have  forgotten  just  what  it  is. 

A  woman  who  had  the  bad  taste  to  refuse  an 
editor  and  marry  a  man  from  another  town  deemed 
it  prudent  to  go  there  and  Live  with  him.  It 
availed  her  nothing  ;  the  victim  of  the  great  wrong 
chronicled  her  departure  under  the  heading,  "  An 
Old  Resident  Gone." 


A  young  man  sued  a  livery  stable  keeper  for 
damages  through  the  bolting  of  a  hired  horse, 
whereby  he  and  his  girl  were  tumbled  out  ;  but 
when  the  evidence  showed  that  the  horse  was 
frightened  by  a  struggle  for  a  kiss  the  plaintiff  was 
nou-suited.  Of  course  the  defendent  could  not 
suppose  the  girl  would  struggle. 


A  fur  pelisse  lined  with  satin  is  the  correct  win- 
ter costume  of  a  New  York  lap-dog. 


Divorce  is  easier  in  Egypt  than  in  America.  The 
husband  has  simply  to  curse  the  inconvenient  or 
superfluous  lady  three  times  in  the  presence  of  wit- 
nesses, and  the  thing  is  done.  In  this  country  it 
is  only  begun  at  that  point,  and  may  extend  over 
a  period  of  ten  years. 


Bride,  to  Her  Husband  :  "  Dearest,  I  have  boen 
too  busy  to-day  to  get  off  my  feet  once." 

The  Unhappy  Man  :  "  What  !  Do  they  come 
off,  too  '?  " 


Lady  Florence  Dixie  is  suitably  connected  ;  one 
brother  is  the  notorious  Marquis  of  Queensbury, 
another  is  a  mad  priest  who  writes  vicious  nonsense 
in  the  Tablet,  and  a  sister  recently  eloped  with  a 
baker  who  was  greatly  her  junior.  Much  may  be 
forgiven  to  a  woman  so  connected — and  who  is  un- 
questionably pretty  besides. 


Jewelers  now  sell  a  pretty  ornament,  a  little  vial 
to  hold  morphia,  with  a  needle  point.  It  can  be 
concealed  in  a  glove  and  the  stimulant  injected 
just  before  the  lady  goes  into  the  ball-room,  dining 
room  or  other  place  where  she  wishes  to  shine  by 
the  sprightliness  of  her  manner,  the  brilliancy  of 
her  eyes  and  the  vivacity  of  her  conversation. 

We  are  preparing  a  cartoon  representing  a  young 
lady  knocking  softly  at  the  gate  of  Hades  and  ex;- 
plaining  that  she  graduated  from  a  Californian 
boarding  school  and  read  an  essay  on  "  The  Dawn- 
break  of  Civilization."  The  devil  politely  bows 
her  in,  exclaiming,  u  Delighted,  I  am  sure  ;  I  had 
begun  to  think  you  were  not  coming." 


11  Dudess,"  "  dudelet  "  and  "  dudine  "  are  com- 
peting titles  for  the  kind  of  dude  that  doesn't  wear 
any  trousers. 


A  woman  in  Georgia  has  so  morbid  a  taste  for 
the  ghastly  that  she  habitually  sleeps  with  a  skele- 
ton ;  and  the  skeleton,  poor  thing,  cannot  help  it- 
self. But  she  never  puts  her  cold  feet  in  the 
middle  of  its  back,  all  the  same. 


Sceptics  are  reproaching  themselves  for  never 
having  believed  in  the  existence  of  Lydia  Pinkham 
until  she  was  dead.  There  are  some  people  that 
will  not  be  convinced  by  anything  but  an  epitaph. 


"  Where  all  other  means  of  defense  are  denied 
her  a  woman  can  always  weep,"  says  a  philosopher. 
It  wouldn't  do  her  much  good,  though,  against  one 
of  Sullivan's  merry,  merry  left-handers. 


Proverb  of  Confucius  :  Buckskin  copper-riveted 
is  not  a  dandy  material  for  tights,  but  it  is  not  de- 
spised by  the  circus  woman  who  rides  four  horses 
at  once. 


"  No,  George,"  she  said,  sadly,  as  the  tears  filled 
her  eyes  ;  "  I  can  not,  indeed  I  nannot  run  away 
with  you.  God  has  forbidden  it,  and — and — I've 
no  doubt  He  is  right. " 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, JUNE 


1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  540  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 


C.   MAGFARI4ANE    & 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


CO., 


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Governor  Stoneman  has  explicitly  promised  to 
comply  with  a  popular  demand  for  an  extra  session 
of   the  Legislature  for   the   impeachment   of    the 
Railroad    Commissioners,  whenever    the    demand 
shall  be  made  in  unmistakable  terms,  and  has  sug- 
gested that  it  take   the    form    of  mass-meetings. 
Acting  upon  this  intimation,  a  meeting  has  been 
called  for  to-day  at  San  Jose.      Others  should  be 
held  at  once  in  every  county  of  the  State.     The 
Legislature  would  probably   not   impeach   if  con- 
vened and  the  extra  session  would  cost  something. 
But  its  convening  at  the  call  of  the  Governor  in 
obedience  to  a  public  d  "mand  would  mark  in  a 
conspicuous  way  the  direction  of  public  sentiment 
and  register  the  length  of  its  advance.     The  incid- 
ent would  have  a  moral  significance  that  neither  the 
Railroad  nor  its  accomplices  could  afford  to  disre- 
gard.    It  would  menace  the   bread-and-butter  of 
every  literary  rogue  and   political   scalawag    chat 
gorges  himself  upon  the   broken  meats  and  cold 
slops   of    Nob    Hill.     Frank    Pixley's    lickspittle 
thrift  would  manifest  itself  in  more   temperate  in- 
sults to  the  public  for  whose  favor  he  once  penned 
his   weekly   plea.     Colonel   Jackson   would    exact 
better  terms ;  instead  of  selling  his  influence  at  one 
chew  of  tobacco  per  column  he    would  be  embold- 
ened to  demand  two.     Senator  Kelley,   of  Solano, 
would  expunge  the  turkey-cock  element  from  his 
manner,  and  avoid  each  of  his  former  supporters 
singly  as  prudently  as  he  now  does  a  crowd  of  them 
together.     The  vote  on  impeachment  would  unmask 
every  knave  in  the  Legislature  and  enable  his  con- 
stituents to  make  a  memorandum   on   his   brow. 
This  movement  can  be   made   so  general   and   so 
earnest  that  there  can  be  no  longer  any  doubt  of 
the  people's   wishes,    determination   and  eventual 
success  against  their  oppressors  and  their  oppres- 
sors' dogs. 


sleeps  the  sweeter  for  the  consciousness  that  the 
Commission  is  on  guard.  That  this  enormous 
treason  is  to  be  perpetuated  by  the  apathy  of  the 
interests  against  which  it  has  turned  its  dishonest 
hand  is  a  proposition  that  our  sense  of  justice  for- 
bids us  to  entertain,  our  respect  for  God  to  affirm. 

We  speak  of  the  acts  of  the  Railway  Commission, 
for  it  is  only  as  a  body  that  it  can  act.  But  the 
character  of  these  acts  is  determined  by  Commis- 
sioners Carpenter  and  Humphreys  ;  Comissioner 
Foote  has  no  part  in  the  infamies  that  he  is  power- 
less to  prevent.  His  position  in  the  Board  is 
exactly  that  of  Commissioner  Stoneman  in  the 
former  Board  ;  he  is  listened  to  with  patience  and 
outvoted  with  alacrity.  His  views  are  blandly  ap- 
proved as  generalities,  and  contemptuously  cast  out 
of  every  resolution  that  is  adopted  and  every  order 
that  is  made.  In  short,  the  situation  is  exactly 
what,  in  our  issue  of  Nov.  4,  1882,  we  predicted 
that  it  would  be  in  case  of  the  success  of  the  whole 
Democratic  ticket.  We  then  wrote  :  "  On  the 
tl  ticket  with  Mr.  Stoneman  are  two  names  which 
' i  command  the  Railroad's  active  support,  the  names 
"  of  Humphreys  and  Carpenter,  who  by  some 
"  incomprehensible  fatuity  have  been  retained  as 
"  candidates  (along  with  Mr.  Foote)  for  the  Rail- 
"  road  Commission.  If  the  Railroad  can  elect 
"  these  men  the  people  lose  the  fight.  Humphreys 
"  and  Carpenter  are  Railroad  men.  Stanford 
"  includes  them  in  his  assets,  and  Alexander  Bad- 
' '  lam  assesses  them  against  him  for  less  than  the 
"  insurance.  In  such  a  Board  Mr.  Foote  would  be 
"  as  powerless  a  minority  as  Christ  between  two 
"thieves  had  He  been  crucified  and  they  been 
"  free." 


The  Railway  Commission  has  broken  every 
pledge,  disobeyed  every  mandate  of  its  party  and 
disappointed  every  hope  of  the  people.  There  is 
no  trust  that  it  has  not  betrayed,  no  suspicion  of 
ts  honor  that  has  not  been  justified  by  its  acts. 
From  being  the  minister  of  a  people's  wrath  it  has 
become  its  object.  It  has  perverted  its  powers  to 
the  protection  of  the  oppressor  against  the  op- 
pressed. In  the  name  of  investigation  it  has 
practiced  the  perfidy  of  collusion ;  under  pre- 
tense of  hearing  the  other  side  it  has  encouraged 
the  enemy  to  make  his  defense  and  given  it  a  pub- 
licity that  it  could  not  otherwise  command.  There 
is  not  a   rogue   in   any   rascally   corporation   but 


The  meeting  at  San  Jose,  animated  by  but  one 
spirit,  should  set  its  heart  to  but  one  purpose.     It 
should  not  content  itself  with  general  denunciation 
of  monopoly.     Even  the  most  resolute  resolutions 
denouncing  the  greed  and  extortions  of  the  Rail- 
road are  not  a  sufficiently  significant  delivery  for 
this  mountain  in  labor.     It  is  not  enough  to  de- 
clare that  Messrs.  Stanford,  Crocker  and  Hunting- 
ton are  rogues  while   they   sleep  and  scoundrels 
when  they  wake.     We  all  know  that,  already,  and 
they  know  it.     All  know,  as  they  know,  that  they 
have  defrauded  the  Nation  of  its  lands  and  bonds, 
the  State  of  its  taxes  ;  that  they  have  wrested  away 
the  homesteads  of  honest  settlers  ;   that  by  unjust 
discrimination  they  have  paralyzed  the  prosperity 
of  the  whole  San  Joaquin  valley,   and  bankrupted 
many  flourishing  interests  all  over  the   country  ; 
that  they  have  oppressed  and  terrorized  the  mer- 
chants of  San  Francisco,  the  farmers  of  the  Interior, 
the  miners  of  Arizona,  the  stockmen  of  New  Mexico, 
robbing  alike  the  man  who  resisted  and  the  man 
who  submitted.     Everybody  knows  that  they  have 
so  corrupted  the  sources  of  law,  justice  and  intelli- 
gence that  there  is  safety  for  neither  property,  life 
nor  character.     There  is  no  profit  in  the  repetition 
of  the  interminable  tale  of  their  misdeeds.     Let 
the  meeting  at  San  Jose  address  itself  to   practical 
work  in  the  direction  of  a  practical   reform — the 
impeachment,  removal  and  punishment  of  the  two 
hardy  malefactors  who  stand  between  a  piratical 
corporation  and  an  indignant  people — Messrs.  Car- 
penter   and    Humphreys.     Force   the    sophistical 
rhetorician  into  a  back  seat   and  kick  the  experi- 
enced resolutionist  out  of  the  hall.     What  we  want 
is  a  terse,  unequivocal  and  naked  demand  for  an 
extra  session  of  the  Legislature  to  break  the  power 
of  two  traitors  in  office  and  make  them  odious  to 
the  ends  of  their  dishonest  lives. 


agrees  to  discontinue  suits  against  the  water  com- 
pany for  $535,275  justly  due  from  that  corporation. 
This  is  pretty  liberal  on  the  part  of  the  city  ;  but 
in  order  not  to  be  outdone  in  magnamity  the  com- 
pany agrees  to  abandon  claims  for  $620,000  to 
which  it  never  had  the  shadow  of  a  right  in  law  or 
morals.  Under  the  circumstances,  we  must  admire 
the  company's  moderation  and  self-denial  ;  the 
claims  that  it  nobly  foregoes  might  just  as  easily 
have  been  multiplied  by  ten,  to  the  un3peakable 
enhancement  of  its  glory.  It  is  of  course  unneces- 
sary to  state  that  the  sum  which  it  generously  under- 
takes to  pay  at  once  has  been  for  some  time  overdue, 
with  penalties  accruing  all  the  time.  Altogether, 
the  transaction  reflects  almost  as  much  credit  on 
the  one  party  as  on  the  other.  If  anything,  the 
Supervisors  shine  with  the  superior  radiance,  for 
to  the  virtue  of  generosity  with  the  people's  money 
they  add  the  merit  of  a  broken  faith.  If  the  Con- 
stitutional Convention  or  the  Legislature  had  had 
the  unkindness  to  make  it  a  felony  for  any  public 
officer  to  effect,  promote  or  suggest  a  compromise 
in  any  law  suit  wherein  a  municipality,  a  county 
or  the  State  is  either  plaintiff  or  defendant,  we 
should  have  missed  this  noble  display  of  the  civic 
virtues.  The  only  advantage  of  such  a  law  would 
accrue  to  the  judges,  who  under  the  present  system 
are  unjustly  deprived  of  their  bribes. 


The  shocking  explosion  on  the  Pilot  steamboat 
should  have  the  effect  of  quickening  somebody's 
conscience.  Probably  the  particular  conscience 
that  has  most  need  of  quickening  is  that  of  the 
United  States  Inspector  whose  duty  it  is  to  see 
that  steam  boilers  so  rotten  as  to  be  wormy  shall 
not  be  in  use  on  passenger  craft  in  their  second 
childhood.  We  favor  competition  in  most  com- 
mercial ventures  in  which  we  are  not  ourselves  in- 
terested, but  this  business  of  buying  venerable 
steamboats  at  junk-dealer's  prices,  strengthening 
them  with  a  coat  of  paint  and  calling  them  a 
people's  opposition  line  has  been  pushed  to  the 
extreme  of  toleration.  The  owners  of  these  float- 
ing tombs  never  by  any  chance  travel  on  them, 
and  the  United  States  Inspectors  of  Hulls  and 
Boilers  will  not  examine  them  except  when  they 
are  grounded  solidly  on  a  mud-flat  and  their  boilers 
packed  in  ice.  Many  people  feel  that  they  can 
afford  to  trust  themselves  on  any  kind  of  craft  upon 
which  the  skipper  and  engineer  can  venture  to  em- 
bark. They  overlook  the  circumstance  that  there 
is  a  special  Providence  for  skippers  and  engineers 
of  ailing  steamboats,  whom  God  preserves  from  the 
perils  of  the  sea,  having  use  for  them  on  the  gal- 
lows. Moreover,  different  men  set  different  values 
on  their  lives.  If  the  law  required  that  every 
certificated  steamboat  should  carry  an  Inspector  of 
Hulls  and  an  Inspector  of  Boilers,  the  one  chained 
to  the  keelson  and  the  other  to  the  safety-valve, 
the  number  of  applications  for  these  offices  of 
trust  and  profit  would  exceed  the  Treasury  De- 
partment's ability  to  consider  them. 


We  are  not  disposed  to  quarrel  with  the  com- 
promise the  Supervisors  have  made  with  the  water 
company.  In  consideration  of  a  payment  of  $251,- 
000  (of  which  it  gets  less  than  three-fifths)  the  city 


The  newspapers  will  hardly  forgive  the  Emperor 
of  Russia  for  not  being  blown  up  on  coronation 
day.  Most  of  them  had  prepared  at  considerable 
expense  sketches  of  his  life  and  times  and  histories 
of  his  brief  reign,  suitable  for  publication  at  his 
death  but  unfortunately  not  suitable  for  any  other 
occasion.  Moreover,  they  had  all  predicted  hjs 
assassination  and  had  accounts  of  the  daily  terrors 
he  experienced  shut  up  in  his  fortress  like  a  toad 
in  a  rock  and  trembling  at  his  own  shadow.  The 
day  of  coronation  arrives,  he  travels  leisurely 
to  Moscow,  drives  about  unattended  in  the 
crowded  streets  ;  is  crowned  amidst  tremendous 
enthusiasm  and  is  apparently  the  most  popular  ruler 
in  Europe      Somebody  appears  to  have  been  lying. 


THE    WASP. 


STANZAS    FOR     MUSIC, 


Intended   to   be  Sung  at  An   -  <  Mass-Meetings. 

The  !'■  opU  fouU j  oppn  ised — 

I  heard  their  lamentations  I 

I  bear  their  rin  in    clear  and  -■■  n 
I  see  their  banners  in  the  West 

The  captains  shout  the  battle-cry, 

1        I  ■■'■  anda  muster  in  their  might ; 
1  faces  to  the  light, 

They  lift  their  bands,  they  prophesy. 

W  e  Bant  1 1  meal  b  the  master's  throng, 
Our  chafing  chains  h  ere  ne'er  undone  ; 
cl  ish  your  lances  in  the  sun, 
And  bless  your  b  mners  with  :i  song. 

God  hides  Hi.-*  purpose  none  shall  -scan 
The  blessings  that  the  curse  conceals, 
Till  His  imperfect  law  reveals 

Some  portion  to  His  perfect  plan. 

He  bides  His  time  with  patient  eyes 
While  tyrants  build  upon  the  land. 
He  speaks  the  word,  He  waves  His  hand. 

And  from  the  stones  His  temples  rise. 

Now  Freedom  waves  her  joyous  wing 

Beyond  the  foemen's  shields  of  gold  ; 

Maroh  forward  singing,  for  behold, 

The  right  shall  rule  while  God  is  king. 

— E. 
Son  Francisco,  May  31,  1888, 


P  RATTL E 


Take  a  pack  of  cards,  shuffle  them  and  run  them  oil' 
one  by  one,  noting  the  order  in  which  they  come — 
the  king  of  spades,  the  nine  of  hearts,  the  seven  of 
spades,  the  ace  of  diamonds,  and  so  on  to  the  end. 
Well,  if  you  were  to  repeat  the  act  as  often  as  pos- 
sible during  your  life  ;  if  your  son  were  to  take  the 
cards  from  your  dead  hands  and  continue  the  op- 
eration, resigning  them  when  dying  to  his  son,  he 
to  his,  and  bo  on  down  through  a  thousand  genera- 
tions, the  cards  would  never  once  come  off'  in  the 
same  order  of  succession.  That  which  no  other 
man  can  do — which  no  other  man  has  done — do 
you  think  that  you  have  accomplished  it  'i  1  like 
your  presumption  if  you  do. 

Consider  the  chances  that  the  cards  would  run 
off  in  exactly  the  order  that  your  record  shows  them 
to  have  done.  One  to  infinity  !  Life  is  not  long 
enough  to  calculate  the  chances  against  it.  Your 
eyes  tell  you  that  you  have  performed  this  miracle, 
and  you  believe  your  eyes.  If  I  were  to  tell  you 
that  at  twelve  o'clock,  noon,  on  the  third  day  of 
August  in  the  year  1915,  you  would  meet  the  now 
unborn  heir  apparent  to  the  throne  of  Roumariiaat 
a  certain  spot  in  Madagascar  ;  if  I  should  describe 
to  you  every  detail  of  his  costume  and  yours,  and 
relate  the  conversation  that  would  ensue,  the  prob- 
ability of  an  accurate  fulfilment  of  my  prediction 
would  be  incalculably  greater  than  was  the  proba- 
bility, just  before  you  shuffled  your  cards,  that  they 
would  run  otf  in  the  order  that  you  think  they  did. 


Where  were  you  born,  and  when  1  By  how  many 
millions  of  influences  per  year  were  you  pushed  this 
way  and  that  ?  By  what  inconceivable  number  of 
them — hereditary,  educational,  Bocial,  commercial, 
emotional,  accidental  and  indefinable  have  you  been 
placed  just  where  you  are  at  this  moment,  reading 
these  lines  1  The  world's  equator  is  not  long 
enough  to  bear  the  figures  denoting  the  sum  of  all 
the  circumstances  tnat  must  have  conspired  to  put 
you  in  this  spot  at  this  time,  and  determine  your 
occupation  and  the  character  of  your  immediate 
environment.  Had  any  single  link  in  this  incal- 
culable chain  been  omitted  ;  had  any  of  all  these 
incidents  been  different  from  what  it  was  ;  had  a 
word  that  was  not  spoken  been  spoken,  an  endeavor 


that  succeeded  failed,  another  that  failed  suc- 
ceeded, a  person  whom  you  met  turned  down 
another  street  before  you  reached  the  corner  where 
you  met  him,  your  hat  blown  off,  causing  you  to 
miss  a  ferry-boat,  the  grandfather  of  your  wife  or 
of  the  man  who  mice  jjave  you  a  letter  of  introduc- 
tion or  loaned  you  ten  dollars  been  hit  by  the 
bullet  that  only  perforated  his  hat  ;  had  one  of 
George  the  Third's  ancestors  stepped  on  a  piece  of 
orange  peel— had  any  one  of  an  unthinkable  mul- 
titude of  circumstances  between  the  time  of  Adam 
and  the  present  moment  been  differently  affected 
by  the  caprice  of  chance  and  the  vicissitudes  of 
accident  you  would  at  this  moment  be  elsewhere  or 
nowhere.  Is  it  likely  that  none  of  them  were  so 
affected— that  all  of  them,  by  some  happy  fatality, 
fell  into  the  orderly  harmony  necessary  to  the  pro- 
duction of  your  present  personal  conditions.  That 
which  is  antecedently  improbable  is  subsequently 
incredible  ;  and  just  as  many  chances  as  there  were 
at  the  beginning  of  things  against  everything 
occurring  just  as  it  must  have  occurred  to  put  you 
into  your  present  position,  just  so  many  are  the 
probabilities  that  you  are  not  in  it. 

The  inexorable  law  of  probabilities  has  forbid- 
den every  act,  circumstance  and  event  of  your  life. 
Not  only,  therefore,  did  the  cards  not  run  off  in  the 
order  noted  ;  but  they  did  not  run  off  at  all  ;  you 
had  no  cards — there  is  no  you.  You  are  a  dream, 
a  myth,  an  illusion,  "a  phantasm  floating  in  a 
void."  You  are  an  incredibility  sprung  from  the 
loins  of  the  impossible.  I  will  respect  your  social 
rights,  defend  your  civil  and  religious  liberty,  pro- 
mote your  understanding  by  instruction  and  your 
morality  by  example,  but  believe  in  your  existence 
I  will  not.     I  should  have  to  believe  in  my  own. 


"  And  how  is  brother  Johnson  ?  "  inquired  the 
Rev.  Dr.  Piatt,  on  his  recent  return  to  San  Fran- 
cisco. "  He  is  no  longer  with  us,"  said  Bishop 
Kip  ;  tf  he  has  become  a  lunatic."  "Ah  !"  sighed 
the  Doctor,  reflecting  ;  "I  remember  that  some  of 
the  brethern  had  always  a  leaning  to  that  faith." 


"  You  are  the  best  story  teller  and  the  wittiest 
speaker  in  San  Francisco,"  said  Colonel  Hawes  to 
Mr.  George  Bromley  ;  "  why  do  you  not  publish  a 
book  ?  It  would  be  of  great  value  to  you."  "  Do 
you  really  think  it  would  sell  1  "  asked  Mr.  Brom- 
ley with  a  blush  of  modest  ambition  camping  on  his 
cheek.  tl  Sell  %  0,  no  ;  but  it  would  give  your 
fugitive  fancies  a  permanent  form.  Having  them 
in  print,  you  could  cut  them  out  and  paste  them  in 
a  scrap-book.'' 


My  friend  Pecunio  is  the  most  successful  man  of 
affairs  that  it  has  ever  been  my  high  privilege  to 
know  ;  whatever  he  undertakes  comes  to  a  pros- 
perous issue.  I  respect  him  for  his  brains  and  love 
him  for  his  wealth.  I  am  proud  to  observe  the  air 
of  deference  with  which  other  men  of  affairs  bait 
their  hooks  for  his  advice.  The  other  day  my  own 
affairs  were  in  a  most  perilous  state  ;  it  seemed  as 
if  I  must  suffer  a  crushing  pecuniary  loss,  for  a  man 
who  had  promised  to  lend  me  money  was  about  to 
leave  the  State  regardless  of  his  obligation.  It  is 
true  the  debt  could  not  be  outlawed  during  his 
absence,  but  he  might  remain  always  in  another 
jurisdiction,  and  my  necessity  would  doubtless  be 
as  great  twenty  years  hence  as  now.  Naturally  I 
applied  to  my  friend,  whose  experience  in  dealing 
with  fugitive  creditors  was  greater  than  my  own. 
He  listened  to  my  statement  with  the  kindest 
patience,  reflected  deeply  and  then  said  :  "  There 
are  two  courses  open  to  you. " 


Heaven    above  !  there   were    two   dozen.     The 
number  of  courses  open  to  me  was  my  sole  embar- 


rassment. There  are  so  many  ways  to  go  ahead 
and  only  one  way  fco  stand  still  !  "  No  ;  there  are 
hut  two,"  he  aaid.  "  Well,  what  are  they  ?  "  I 
asked,  eagerly.  He  said  there  was  no  use  in  wast- 
ni  wordfl— he  would  state  the  one  that  it  was 
moat  desirable  thatl  should  pursue.  With  this,  he 
took  out  of  his  waistcoat  pocket  a  little  dice-box 
containing  a  single  tiny  die  with  three  black  faces 
and  three  white.  He  cast  the  die,  once,  twice, 
thrice,  and  put  the  apparatus  back  into  his  pocket. 
"  Attach  his  wife,"  he  said. 


"  Don't  mention  it,';  Pecunio  afterward  said — 
whether  in  deprecation  of  my  gratitude  or  in  ap- 
peal to  my  discretion  I  do  not  know — "  but  to  that 
little  cube  of  ivory  I  owe  my  fortune.  When  in 
doubt,  as  I  generally  am,  I  throw — black  or  white — 
loyally  accepting  the  decision  and  instantly  acting 
upon  it.  In  this  way  I  get  a  tremendous  advantage 
of  my  competitors  ;  while  they  are  thinking  I  am 
executing.  Unfettered  from  the  necessity  of 
thought,  I  give  all  my  energies  to  action,  and  I  beat 
the  field,"  "But  your  die  has  the  demerit  of 
being  half  the  time  wrong. "  "  And  the  incalculable 
advantage  of  being  half  the  time  right," 


It  is  an  American  peculiarity  to  want  to  know  what  is 
going  on.— Examiner. 

In  other  words,  curiosity  is  bounded  on  the  norW 
by  Canada,  on  the  east  by  the  Atlantic  ocean,  on 
the  south  by  Mexico  and  on  the  west  by  the  civic. 
virtues  of  Mr.  George  Hearst. 


A  man  who  recently  got  something  in  his  stomach 
that  never  went  in  at  his  mouth  explained  with  his 
death-breath  that  "  it  was  hard  to  be  stabbed  by 
one  whom  he  had  never  known  before."  People 
seem  to  think  that  our  assaeins  have  nothing  better 
to  do  than  go  about  hunting  up  some  one  to  intro- 
duce them  to  the  men  with  whom  they  hope  to  do 
business  ;  that  a  man  desirous  of  being  stabbed 
ought  to  be  served  at  his  residence  by  some  one 
that  has  a  letter  from  a  friend,  recommending  the 
bearer  as  a  very  proper  person  to  cut  a  throat  or 
bisect  a  liver  or  embed  a  bullet  in  the  fat  of  one's 
kidneys.  These  high  and  ceremonious  courtesies 
are  not  suitable  to  the  simplicity  of  life  in  a  repub- 
lic, with  no  classes  of  leisure  and  with  a  wilder- 
ness to  subdue 

With  reference  to  my  charge  of  plagiarism 
against  Mr.  Roscoe  Havens,  in  having  published 
my  verses  as  his  own,  Mr.  Edmund  C.  Sanford 
writes  me  from  the  University,  exonerating  Mr. 
Havens  from  the  accusation  of  theft — Mr.  Sanford 
being  the  editor  of  the  book  in  which  the  verses 
appeared  over  Mr.  Havens'  name.  Mr.  Sanford, 
it  seems,  attached  Mr.  Havens'  name  to  the  verses 
on  "  information  and  belief  ";  and  Mr.  Havens, 
having  been  written  to  on  the  matter,  has  dis- 
claimed any  connection  with  it.  It  does  not 
appear  that  he  made  this  disavowal  before  he  was 
written  to,  although  the  book  has  been  published 
some  months,  and  it  is  impossible  to  suppose  him 
not  to  have  seen  it,  unless  he  is  in  jail  or  otherwise 
inaccessible  to  the  United  States  mails. 


Mr.  Sanford,  it  appears,  acted  in  good  faith  on 
the  well-meant  assurance  of  Mr.  F.  W.  Henshaw 
that  the  verses  were  written  by  Mr.  Havens,  who 
knew  nothing  about  the  matter.  None  of  these 
gentlemen  being  blamable,  I  am  driven  to  the 
logical  but  disagreeable  conclusion  that  I  am  myself 
highly  culpable.  I  hope  they  will  jointly  and 
severally  accept  my  apology,  coupled  with  a  solemn 
assurance  that  I  will  not  repeat  the  offence 
writing  verses  that  can  be  attributed  to  another 


THE    WASP 


OUR     WRESTLERS. 


This  is  Muldoon  who  distorted  the  neck 

Of  the  bonnie  Sotch  laddie  and  made  him  a  wreck. 


This  is  Big  Dinnie,  the  neck-twisted  chap, 
Who  favored  Muldoon  with  a  pain  the  lap. 


THE    TINTYPE    POET, 


A  damsel  beset  for  her  photograph 
By  a  vapid  youth  of  the  genus  Calf 
Agreed  at  last  the  boon  to  grant, 
To  the  great  delight  of  the  gay  gallant : 

'  Oh  thanks  !  "  said  he,  "  I  some  day  shall 
Plead  for  the  fair  original  !  " 
And  roguishly  shaking  her  jaunty  head, 

(  I'll  give  you  the  negative  then,"  she  said. 

— Bysshe. 


A    BRIDGE     TO     OAKLAND, 


What  must  be  done  to  preserve  San  Francisco 
from  social  extinction  and  commercial  bankruptcy 
is  to  build  a  viaduct  and  bridge  from  this  city  to 
Oakland.  Calm  and  careful  thinkers  have  long 
since  been  forced  to  this  conclusion,  and  sorrowed 
over  the  unpleasant  inevitable  until  the  successful 
trial  of  the  Brooklyn  bridge  cast  o'er  their  sombre 
minds  a  vivid  gleam  of  hope.  If  it  is  possible  to 
unite  New  York  and  Brooklyn  by  bridge  it  is  pos- 
sible to  unite  San  Francisco  and  Oakland  by  via- 
duct and  bridge  ;  and  all  is  not  black  hopelessness 
and  the  hour  of  social  extinction  is  not  come. 
Those  whose  minds  are  not  entirely  flippant,  and 
as  meaningless  as  a  Kate  Castleton  bonnet,  must 
have  forseen  that  with  a  continuance  of  the  present 
primitive  means  of  reaching  San  Francisco,  the 
Oaklanders  would  one  day  rise  in  their  majesty  and 
might,  and  stay  at  home.  From  the  dreadful  con- 
sequence of  such  an  event  the  most  indifferent  and 
stolid  must  shrink  in  contemplation  ;  even  Captain 
Kentzell  would  feel  real  bad. 

Oakland  is  now  but  the  dormitory  and  nursery 
of  San  Francisco  ;  merely  a  place  where  the  San 
Francisco  business  man  sleeps,  ahd  his  wife's  young 
are  reared  free  from  the  temptations  of  Chinatown 
and  the  morning  papers.  This  city  receives  all  the 
benefits  of  the  Oaklander's  commercial  energies, 
and  his  wife's  shopping,  but  in  the  event  of  his 
refusing  to  patronize  the  ferry  daily,  and  to  allow 
his  wife  the  same  privilege  tri-weekly,  what  then  ? 
The  picture  is  indeed  one  of  blighting  misery  to 
the  all-the-year-round  San  Franciscan.  When 
the  time  comes,  as  it  surely  will  come  unless  the 
bridge  prevents  it,  that  the  Oaklander  will  refuse 
to  waste  half  his  waking  hours,  imperil  his  precious 
life,  strengthen  his  cold  and  become  an  everlasting 
dyspeptic  all  from  crossing  on  the  ferry,  then  must 
his  commercial  energies,  his  social  instincts  and  his 
wife's  shopping  proclivities  find  an  outlet,  a  means 
of  expenditure,  in  Oakland.  No  more  will  he  cross 
in  thousands  to  discount  our  notes,  ship  our  wheat, 
and  open  up  his  city  residence  to  give  a  reception 
that  we  may  feed  thereat.  His  wife  will  buy  her 
sealskins  and  hairpins  in  Oakland  ;  his  children 
will  grow  to  manhood  and  womanoood,  mash, 
marry,  reproduce  and  flourish  there,  and  mighty 


warehouses,  banks,  wharves,  stores,  theaters  and 
restaurants  will  spring  up  to  occupy  his  thoughts 
and  satisfy  his  wants. 

But  with  a  bridge  connecting  that  possible 
metropolis  with  San  Francisco  how  different  !  Oak- 
land would  becomein  a  more  pronounced  degree  than 
now  merely  the  dormitory  and  nursery  of  this  city. 
Swift  steam  cars  would,  for  five  cents,  transport 
the  Oakland  matron  from  Lake  Merrit  to  Kearny 
street  with  such  ease,  frequency  and  comfort,  that 
she  would  not  think  of  buying  even  the  sustaining 
chocolate  creams  without  coming  here  for  the  pur- 
pose. The  morals  of  the  Oaklander  would  mightily 
improve,  for  there  would  be  no  last  boat  to  miss, 
and  on  Sunday  even  the  picnicing  hoodlum  could 
not  crowd  the  bridge  to  discomfort,  nor  would  the 
perils  of  a  sea  voyage  at  midnight  prevent  the  merry 
Oakland  youth  and  his  girl  form  visiting  the  San 
Francisco  theatres  oftener  than  once  a  year.  But 
above  and  beyond  all  things  else— Oh  happy 
thought  ! — there  would  be  banished  forever  from 
the  minds  of  all  San  Franciscans  not  desiring  to 
breed  or  sleep  in  Oakland,  the  ghastly  nightmare 
of  getting  left  on  the  last  return  train  and  having 
to  stay  over  there  all  night.  Surely  what  must  be 
done  to  preserve  San  Francisco  from  social  extinc- 
tion and  commercial  bankruptcy  is  to  build  a  bridge 
to  Oakland. 


SOME     GERMAN     FUN, 


A  peasant  wrote  a  love-letter  which  closed  thus  : 
"  With  greeting  from  one  who  kisses  the  earth 
where  grew  the  grass  which  was  eaten  by  the  ox 
from  whose  skin  the  soles  of  your  shoes  were  cut. " 


' '  Remember,  brothers, "  said  a  Mahommedan 
priest  before  the  battle  of  Tel-  el-Kebir,  "  that 
every  one  who  falls  to-day  in  battle,  will  sup  to- 
night in  Paradise  ! " 

The  battle  began,  the  ranks  wavered,  and  the 
priest  started  to  run,  when  a  soldier  reproachfully 
reminded  him  of  the  promised  repast. 

"  That  is  true,  my  son,  very  true,"  answered  the 
pious  man  without  stopping,  "  but  I  never  eat  at 
night." 

Strong  statements  :  "During  one  of  my  jour- 
neys in  East  India  I  had  such  a  fever  that  I  could 
have  boiled  a  half-dozen  eggs  on  my  forehead  in 
two  minutes  !  " 

"  I  don't  think  that  any  wonder  for  East  India. 
But  I  got  so  cold  last  winter  when  I  was  out  hunt- 
ing that  the  warm  water  I  washed  with  the  next 
week  immediately  froze  on  my  face." 


"  People  here  are  always  late  at  church." 
"  Yes,  it  seems  that  nobody  goes  until  they  are 
all  there." 


Wise  forethought. 

A  :    Now,  why  doesn't  the  balloon  go  up  1    What 
is  the  other  aeronaut  doing  down  there  1 
B  :     He  is  only  numbering  his  bones. 


Passage  from  a  funeral  sermon  by  Parson  Fear- 
God.  ( With  pathos) :  It  is  a  wise  provision  of  God 
that  he  has  put  death  at  the  end  and  not  at  the 
beginning  of  our  lives. 


"  Miss  Laura,  do  you  like  your  coffee  black  or 
with  milk  ?  " 
u_"  The  first  six  Gups  black. " 


English  Tourist  (lolw  stands  directly  in  front  of 
the  Cologne  Cathedral,  but  has  lost  his  way):  Can 
you  tell  nie  where  the  Cathedral  is  ? 

Bystander  :     No,  sir  ;  I  am  full  myself. 


Prince  A  :     How  is  your  wife  1 

Baron  B  (very  deaf,  thinks  the  question  is  about 
his  own  health,  answers,  interrupted  by  fits  of  cough- 
ing): Not  good  !  I  go  everywhere  for  relief  from 
this  plague,  but  I  shall  have  to  drag  round  to  the 
end  of  my  days  with  it. 

Unevenly  divided  this  world's  goods  are  placed, 
One  has  a  large,  another  has  a  little waist. 


Unconsciously  comic  advertisements  : 
"  We  are  rejoiced  to  announce  that  the  merchant 
Anderson  is  not  dead  but  only  married." 

*'  A  middle-aged  woman  wishes  to  be  a  maid." 
"Mrs.  Anna  S.  died  yesterday.     She  was  grand- 
mother, mother,  wife  and  friend  to  all  who  knew 
her." 

Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson. 


THE    BETTER     LAND, 


Disraeli,  when  taunted  as  to  his  being  a  Jew, 
replied:  "  One-half  of  the  civilized  world  worships 
a  Jewess,  the  other  half  worships  her  son." 


In  one  of  the  Washington  churches  one  recent 
night  the  minister  in  opening  the  prayer-meeting 
remarked  that  with  the  clouds  threatening  rain  on 
one  side  and  Jumbo  drawing  out  yonder  (pointing) 
he  was  surprised  at  the  good  attendance. 

"  What  will  attract  sinners  to  church?"  asks  a 
religious  exchange.  Good  opera  boufl'e  music  and 
a  preacher  that  talks  pretty  broadly  will  fetch  in  a 
good  many. 


Infidelity  reproves  nothing  that  is  bad.  It  only 
ridicules  and  denounces  all  that  is  good.  It  tears 
down — it  never  constructs;  it  destroys — it  never 
imparts  life;  it  attacks  religion,  but  offers  no  ade- 
quate substitute.  So  says  a  pious  newspaper.  Our 
own  opinion  is  that  infidelity  rolls  up  its  sleeves, 
spits  on  its  hands  and disbelieves. 

Some  wicked  fellow  got  into  a  Vermont  church 
vestry  just  after  the  deacons  and  clergyman  had 
held  a  meeting  there.  And  he  left  four  beer  bot- 
tles and  a  whisky  flask,  all  empty,  and  two  packs 
of  cards  under  the  table.  And  when  the  sewing 
society  met  an  hoar  later  and  discovered  the  ar- 
ticles, didn't  things  just  hum  ! 


Among  "the  antiquities"  exhibited  in  the  Old 
South  Church,  in  Boston,  is  an  embroidery  repre- 
senting the  Garden  of  Eden,  in  which  our  illus- 
trious Father  Adam,  dressed  in  a  costume  of  the 
last  century,  wearing  a  powdered  wig  and  carrying 
a  cane,  is  seated  under  a  sprea  ling  oak,  while 
naughty  Eve,  in  a  very  tight-waisted  dress  and  full 
skirts,  is  resting  under  a  cherry  tree,  holding  a 
parrot  in  her  lap. 

The  Baltimore  Methodist,  in  a  sarcastic  editorial 
on  the  circus  which  recently  exhibited  in  that  city, 
says  :  "  Of  course  no  Methodists  were  there.  No 
Methodist  preacher  peeped  in  with  one  eye  and 
around  with  the  other  to  see  if  anybody  knew  him  ! 
No  Methodist  carried  his  children  at  1  o'clock  to 
see  the  animals  and  stayed  till  2  to  see  the  per- 
formances in  the  ring  !  Oh,  no  !  All,  of  course, 
saved  their  money  to  make  liberal  contributions  to 
the  missionary  cause  and  to  build  new  churches  !  " 


A  London  clergyman  is  said  to  have  told  his  con- 
gregation that  there  was  still  many  a  one  who, 
while  engaged  in  singing,  apparently  with  all  his 
heart,  the  lines — 

Were  the  whole  realm  of  nature  mine, 
That  were  an  offering  far  too  small, 

Is  diligently  engaged  with  one  hand  in  his  pocket 
scraping  the  edge  of  a  three-penny  piece  to  make 
sure  it  was  not  a  four-penny  piece. 


Several  years  ago,  on  a  very  cold  day,  the  Rev. 
Christopher  Corey,  of  La  Grange  county,  Ind. , 
rode  on  horseback  a  distance  of  six  miles  to  per- 
form a  marriage  ceremony.  Ashe  was  about  start- 
ing for  home,  having  duly  authorized  the  two 
hearts  to  beat  as  one,  a  coin  was  placed  in  his 
hand.  He  dropped  it  in  his  pocket  and  rode  away. 
When  he  got  home  he  looked  at  it,  and  lo !  it  was 
an  old-fashioned  copper  cent.  The  next  morning 
the  groom  appeared  at  his  door,  and  having  ex- 
plained with  considerable  embarrassment  how  the 
annoying  mistake  had  been  made,  took  back  the 
cent  and  handed  the  clergyman  a  quarter. 


Of  all  the  marvels  of  groveling  flunkeyism  that 
hopelessly  and  utterly  paralyze  the  American 
traveler  in  England,  the  announcements  that  such 
and  such  tradesmen  are  tinkers,  tailors,  candlestick- 
makers,  etc.,  to  Her  Majesty,  the  Queen  or  H.  R. 
H. ,  the  Prince  of  Wales,  have  from  time  immemorial 
attracted  most  attention.  Now  let  these  proud 
and  free-born  sons  of  the  glorious  soaring  Eagle- 
bird  of  Liberty  gaze  rapturously  upon  the  flaring 
advertisement  of  a  great  and  fashionable  New  York 
-station  ery  house,  which  proclaims  throughout  the 
United  States  that  it  has  been  appointed  "  special 
purveyor  of  stationery,  etc.,  to  her  Most  Gracious 
Majesty  Queen  Victoria,  H.  R.  H.  the  Prince  of 
Wales,     The    Emperors  of   Germany,    Russia  and 

Austria,  the  Kings  of and  so  on  to  the  end  of 

the  criminal  calendar. 


THE     WASP. 


EtEMOVAI* 

■  I.    \V.    I'm  i 

tia«  removed  to  the  corner  "f   Kearny  and  Geai 


LYDIA  E.   PINKHAM'S 

VE5ETAELE  COMPOUND. 

A  Sure  Cure   for   all   FEMALE   WEAK- 
N  ESSES*     Including'   Leueorrltrcn,    Ir- 
regular and  Painful  Menstruation, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb,    Flooding,   PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  *c. 
t^Heasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  Immediate 
In  its  effect.    Tt  la  a  ijrent  help  in  pregnancy,  and   re- 
Liuves  pain  daring  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
PHYSICIANS  CSS  IT  AND  PRESCRIBE  IT  FRF.FLl'. 
^*Foe  all  Weaknesses  of  the  generative  urgana 
of  either  box,  it  la  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  evt  r 
been  before  the  public;  and  for  all  diseases  of  the 
Klt>st:ys  it  is  the  Greatest  Kenedy  '"  the  Tf'orhi. 
t59~KIDXEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LTDIA  E.  PLVKHAM'S  JILOon  PURIFIER 

will   t-nidii'iitt.'  cveiT    vestigf    ul     llm.i.-is    li-uin    the  ■ 

Blood,  at  the  same  time  v.'Ui  (dvo  tone  and  ctrengtb  t . 
the  system.    Aj  maxrellousin  results  aa  the  Compound. 

EjTBot'n  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifler  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  336  Western  Avenue,  Lynn 
Price  of  either,  81.  SixbottleyorSS.  The  Compound 
(ssentbymaU  bathe  form  of  pills,  >r  of  lo2enge!»,on 
n  celpt  of  price,  Si  per  box  for  fit  her.  Mrs.  Pinlcham 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  Inquiry.  Ene]osc3cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  thiaPapcr, 

(yLTMA  E.  PlNEHAM's  T  IVEB  PELT S   CUTO   Constipa- 
tion, Biliousness  and  Torpidity   ol  th.    Livi  r.    26  cents. 
«5=Sold  by  all  I  >r  hit  gists. =?!:-:&         p 


Sat'  Cures  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  I---  ol  Manhood  and 
.ill  the  tcrril)!  I  iiiimrf.  ux- 

cssc  ■  and  y  ml  liful  ii  ■  li  ■■  i  tions  n  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed, 
Price,  ■   ittlcs  Eio.oo 

To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.  0.  SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms ana    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential 


KIDNEY-WORT! 


T 


HE  GREAT  CURE 


FOR 


RHEUMATISM— 

As  it  is  for   all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS, LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  Cannes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize. 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  tfie  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  $1.  LIQUID  OR  DRY,  SOLD  BY  DRUGGISTS. 
It-  Dry  can  be  sent  by  mail. 

WELLS,  RICHARDSON  &  Co    Burlinrton  V* 


KIDNEY-  WOR!f/f 


$72 


A  WEEK.     §12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

60  Q  KEARNY  STREET,  SAN 
SwO  Francisco—  Established 
In  l.<i-i  for  the  treatment  and  cur"  of 
Special  Diseases,  nervous  and  physical 
Debility,  or  diseases  wearing  on  body 
and  mind,  permanently  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  in  Europe,  and  In- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos. 
pitals  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  of 
valuable  information,  which  he  Is 
competent  to  impart  to  thoBe  in  need 
y:ot  bis  service*.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
are.  Persons  at  a'dlstance  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
commnnicatloos  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonablu.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
Cisco.    Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


ttlmwood,   Olenwood,   Hudson  and  Our  Choice. 


HON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
u  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  arc  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles,  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f ' g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and   Letters  of   In- 
quiry to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


C.  HERRMANN  &  CO. 

(HERRMANN,     Tin-     Halter.) 

WILL    GIVE  YOU 

A.    Better    Hat 

For  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coast.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  thin  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearrry- Street,      336. 

Between    Busli    and    Pine,   San   Francisco . 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Recommended  bythe  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

COMPOUND    EXTRACTS 

—  OF  — 

Cubebs   and   Copaiba 

This  compound   is    nipt  rior  to  any 
p]  eparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 

very/highly  concentrated 

atate  the  medical  properties  of  the 

'  opaiba.  <  'in-  r©  onv 
mendation  this  preparation  enjoys 
ill  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  maybe  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TAERANT  &   « !l »., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  273  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New\ork.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


INTEF 
^URES  ALL  PAINS:  NICE    To     USE! 


■  GREAT  £&/! 


kho»i>  «i  CO.,  Druggists,  San  Jose,  California. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


Dr. 


ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 

Established    1852. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIU1EST 
and  BEST 

IB    .A-    T    ZE3I    S 

Ok  the  Pacific  Coast. 

TURKISH,     RUSSIAN.     STEAM,     SULPHUR 

or  other   Medieateil    lEatlis. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

83T  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),  Nos.  528,  524,  ,y»6 
and  5188  I'ncilte  Street,  near  Commercial  Hotel,  between 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Carl  Zeile's 
Drugstore,  Open  from  7  A.  M.  to  8  p.  M.,  Sundays  till  3  P.  M. 
Private  rooms  for  patients. 

N.    B.— Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  1852. 

S3-  INSURE    IN    THE     BEST,    -i- 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Hollars,    raid  in 

Tolfey    Holders,  over  Seven    Million    Hollars. 

"The    Old    and    Reliable" 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY, 

Total  Assets,         -       -       -         $50,550,981.65 
Total     Income,  -         -         -      S}ll,4!U,143.SO 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure  Life  Policy,  at  liberal  terms, 
•an  apply  to 

A.  G.  HAWES,  Manager  for  raeiSc  Coast. 
?20  Sansolue  Street,.      ...      San   Franolseo. 


N 


GONNEGTIOOT 

Fire  Insurance  Co., 


of  Hartford. 


SCOTTISH  ONION 

and    National 

Insurance   Company, 


of  Great  Britain. 


M  M'lftO.V  \M>  A  HAWES, 

General  Agents, 
401  California  Street,  2B7  Sansoiuc  street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


HAGAN  A  UIMII  111. 

City  Agents, 


H.  R.  Macfarlane. 


Geo.  W.  Macfarlank. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIRE-PllOOF     BUILDING, 52    UUEEN     STREET, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  Islands.  ' 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


THE         POPE 


3^_  3D         BO 


10 


THE     WASP. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS. 

ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  " — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  liue 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  ^80  and  2S2  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

H.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Lu  uors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


ATTESON  &  WILLIAMSON,  MANUFACT- 
urers  of  Agricultural  Implements,  cor.  Main  and 
California  streets,  Stockton,  Cal. 


M 


THE  PACIFIC  ASYLUM,  STOCKTON.  8&  THIS 
Private  Asylum  for  the  care  and  treatment  of  men- 
tal and  nervous  diseases  is  where  the  insane  of  the 
State  of  Nevada  have  been  kept  for  several  years,  the 
patients  being  lately  removed  to  Reno.  The  buildings, 
grounds  and  accommodations  are  large  and  its  advantages 
superior.  For  terms,  apply  to  the  proprietor,  Dr.  Asa 
Clark,  Stockton.  References,  Dr.  L.  C.  Lane,  San  Fran- 
cisco, and  Dr.  G.  A.  Shurtlerf,  Superintendent  State  In- 
sane Asylum,  Stockton. 


WILLIAMS'  BALSAMIC  CREAM  OF  ROSES 
is  unsurpassed  for  beautifying  the  complexion  and 
making  the  skin  soft  and  nice.  It  is  just  the  thing 
for  chopped  hands.  For  sale  by  all  druggists  or  dealers 
in  fancy  goods. 


THE    GEYSERS. 

THE  GEYSERS  HOTEL  IS  NOW  OPENED  FOR 
the  entertainment  of   families  and  tourists.      Among 
the  accessories  of  this  famouss  resort  are  extensive 
Swimming  Baths  of  Clear  Mineral  Mater  :  als»,  Medi- 
cated Steam  Baths. 
In  addition    to   the   excellent   accommodations  of   the 
Hotel,  there  are  Pleasant  Cottages  fitted  to  minister  to 
the  pleasure  and  comfort  of  the  occupants. 

Till;      SCENERY 
Surrounding  the  Geysers  is  nowhere  excelled  in  grandeur. 
The  climate  offers  an  agreeable  change  from  the  fog  and 
dust  of  the  city.     The  drives  are  superb  and  the  roads  are 
now  open. 

Terms— $3  per  day  ami   $15  per  week. 

WM.    FORSYTH,  Proprietor. 


The  Cocoa  Crop  is  Short 

LOOK   OUT  FOR  ADULTERATIONS 


By    Using 

WALTER    BAKER    &   CO.'S 

Chocolate 

You  will  be  Sure  of  Securing  the  Best. 

WM.    T.    (l>Lt)llV    &    CO.,    Sole    Agents. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain    and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E  .     C .     HUGHES, 

SI  I    Sansomc    Street.  ;,.  .Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

DEALERS  _ffl   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co., 

310   Sansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

4£fifi  a  week  in  your  own  to%™-     Terms  and  S5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
4|)UU  dress  H.  Hallet  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


PHILADELPHIA  BEEWERT. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
TJ.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1S83.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

SPRING    1SS3. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Plunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 

•-■♦"« 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  &  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street. 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

DECLINE  OF  MAX. 

Nervous  Weakness,  Dyspepsia,  and  Loss  of  Power 
cured  by  "  Wells'  Health  Renewer."    SI. 


Ask  for  "  Brook's  "  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton"  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

GENUINE    LAGER    BIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Brewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  best  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  &W  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen — take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  and  courteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
SI  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS 


OOLUMBUS    BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
-    mento.      Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323.  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     tfSTA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer   in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


/ETNA 


Hot  Mineral  Spring's 

now     open: 

Situated  16  miles  east  of  St.  Helena,  in  Pope  Valley, 
Sonoma   County. 
BST  These  waters  closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany 
in  analysis  and  salutary  effects. 

Board  ami  But  lis,  $10  per  Week. 
The  -Etna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  daily 
(Sundays  excepted)  at  1  P.  M.,  connecting  with  the'  8  A. 
M\  train    from   San    Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs 
at   5:30  P.  M.     Apply  for  rooms  and  .pamphlets  to 
W.  '  H.    LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 


CARDS 


New  Styles:  (/old  Hevcled  Edge  ana 

Chromo  Visiting  Cants  finest  quality^ 

largest  variety  and  loaesl  prices,  50 

xhromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

witfieachorder.Vu.xTQx  Bros.  &  Ce..,Cllutcuvi]le,Coim. 


Pensions 


For  SOLDIERS,    any 


titled.    Fee  $10.    Increase  pe: 


^disease,  wound  or  injury, 
nnd  children  eh- 
—  pensions,  bounty,  back  pay 
and  honorable  discharges  procured.  NEW  LAWS. 
Send  stamp  for  instructions.  E.  H.  GELSTON  &  CO., 
Attorneys,  Box  725,  Washington,  D.  C, 


FLIES  AND    BUGS. 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."    15. 


Make  yourself  healthy  and  strong 
by  using  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


Make  life   happy 


*  Revelation  suggests  the  idea  that  from  Woman  comes 
the  power  to  "bruise  the  serpent's  head."  The  words  take 
a  new  meaning  to-day  since  tins  is  precisely  what  Mrs. 
Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Remedies  do  for  the  physically  dis- 
eased patient.  Her  Vegetable  Compound  reaches  the 
ultimate  sources  of  the  evil.  Its  action  is  gentle  and 
noiseless,  but  it  is  more  powerful  than  the  club  of  Her- 
cules.— Bazar. 

X5T  Don't  wear  dingy  or  faded  things  when  the  ten-cent 
Diamond  Dye  will  make  them  good  as  new.  They  are 
perfect. 


RESTORED. 


DR;  LIEBIG'S  WONDERFtTL  GERMAN  INVIG- 
■-'  .ORATOR  has  cured  more  cases  of  Nervous  and  Physical 
Debility,  Loss  of  Vitality  and  Weakness  than  all  other  remedies 
combined.  Let  all  who  have  failed  to  find  a  permanet  cure  use 
LIEBIG'S  INVIOOHATOR  and  thev  are  guaranteed  permanent 
restoration  to  health  and  strength.  All  the  results  of  excesses 
are  speedily  cured  by  the  LIEBIG  INV1GOKATOR.  The  German 
treatment  prevents?  permanently  all  unnatural  loss  from  the  sys- 
tem. 

The  Doctor,  a  regular  college  graduate  from  Europe,  will  agree 
to  forfeit  $1,000  for  a  case  undertaken  not  cured. 

The  reason  so  many  cannot  get  cured  of  Weakness  and  tin.  above 
Diseases  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  ITIOSTATokrh EA, 
which  requires  peculiar  treatment 

DR.  LIEBIG'S  INVIGORATOR  No.  2  is  the  only  reliable  REM- 
EDY for  PROSTATORRHEA.  Price  of  either  In'vigorator  §2  per 
bottle  or  six  bottles,  $10.  Sent  securely  packed  on  receipt  of 
price,  or  C.  0.  D. 

Sold  only  at  the  LIEBIG  DISPENSARY,  400  Geary  street, 
San  Francisco. 

Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  Pom  blocks  up  Geary 
street  from  Kearny. 

Most  Powerful  Electric  Belts  free  to  patients 

i^*  To  prove  the  wonderful  power  of  the  INVIG0RATOB  >  £2 
bottle  given  free, 

Call  or  write.  Consultation,  advice  and  examination  free  and 
private.         ■ 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


<TbIa  Eogratiog  represents  the  Luogs 


Consumption, 

Coadis,  Colds, 

Croup. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 

CI  I  R  I  N  d  ln<1  Other  Thrn.'il  nnd    1. 

unll,VJ  Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium   In  Any  Form  ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it   has  No  Equal. 

FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LATJGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 


AGENTS 


can  now  trrasp  a  fortune.  Out- 
tit  worth  810  free  Address  E.  O. 
EIDE0UT  tt  CO.,  10  Barclay  St.;  H.  7, 


THE    WASP. 


11 


TRIFLES,     CONSIDERED     AND      UNCONSIDERED, 


The  Bulletin  writing  of  Twelfth  Wight  at  the 
Baldwin  praises  Owen's  acting  ol  M  Sir  Toby 
Welch."  And  wherefore  "  Welch  i  "  Perhaps 
the  nice  delicacy  of  that  rising  young  journalist, 
Mr.  W.  C.  Bartlett,  was  unable  to  stomach  the 
noisy  name  of  the  robustious,  raddle-nosed  knight. 
It  is  certainly  unfit  for  the  columns  of  a  family 
journal  and  it  is  time  to  put  Shakspeare  in  trousers. 
Perhaps  the  Bulletin  desires  to  keep  well  abreast  of 
the  movement  to  give  recognition  to  the  Irish  ele- 
ment. By  all  means  let  us  have  harmony.  In 
all  Shakspeare  as  I  have  hitherto  known  him 
there  is  but  a  single  Irishman — one  Maemorris, 
who  held  a  paltry  olhce  not  much  better  than  a 
janitorship  after  good  Prince  Hal  had  come  to  his 
own  and  he  was  a  "  fardown."  But  an  era  of  re- 
form is  about  to  dawn.  O'Thello  and  O'Phelia 
after  a  little  whitewashing,  which  they  sadly  need, 
will  be  put  where  they  belong,  and  the  time  is 
coming  when  the  Carmodys  and  the  Bradys  and 
the  Welches  will  occupy  high  Shakspearean  niches 
alongside  their  great  compatriotic  star,  Muldoon 
the  wrestler,  "  the  bonny  priser  of  the  humorous 
duke. "  Perhaps,  again,  the  Bulletin  does  not  know 
any  better. 


All  hail  to  the  circus  !  It  is  there  our  jokes  go 
when  they  die  and  our  best-beloved  lies  live  before 
they  are  born  of  an  advertisement.  We  all  love  it, 
even  when  weighted  down  by  Shakspeare's  lines, 
and  we  love  it  because  we  are  well  abreast  of  it. 
The  circus  does  not  put  on  any  airs  of  intellectual 
bumptiousness  and  we  are  all  competent  to  criticize. 
Passing  out  of  a  snap  show  of  the  kind  not  long 
ago,  I  happened  to  be  walking  behind  a  small  boy 
who  appeared  dissatisfied  with  his  investment. 
Speaking  to  his  companion  he  threw  out  a  con- 
densed criticism  :  '*  Very  bum  !  Very  bum  ! 
Money  thrown  away." 


I  am  reminded  of  the  single  instance  in  my 
knowledge  where  a  country  bumpkin  got  away 
with  the  fakirs  who  follow  a  circus  to  rob  the  un- 
suspecting. It  was  when  Adam  Forepau^h's  circus 
was  at  a  small  town  in  the  southern  part  of  this 
State.  A  young  lawyer  took  two  ladies  to  see  the 
show  and  after  buying  his  tickets  passed  in.  He 
handed  the  tickets  to  the  check-taker  but  the  latter, 
substituting  a  piece  of  greasy  colored  card  board 
for  one  of  them,  said  :  "  You  can't  play  that  on 
rae  for  a  ticket."  The  young  man  protested  that 
he  had  bought  and  paid  for  three  tickets.  Adam 
Forepaugh  was  standing  close  by  and  was  appealed 
to,  but  he  sustained  his  servant.  The  young  man 
paid  the  dollar  and  Forepaugh  slipped  it  into  his 
pocket  to  the  disgust  of  the  check-taker  who  had 
thought  the  game  was  all  his  own.  Next  day  the 
young  man  brought  suit  against  Forpaugh  for  one 
dollar  and  sent  the  papers  after  the  circus  to  the 
next  town.  Forepaugh  stormed  and  swore  that  he 
would  spend  §1,000  to  beat  the  suit  but  he  thought 
better  of  it  and  paid  the  dollar  and  about  $2b  in 
costs  for  mileage  and  other  fees. 


Said  a  sensitive  dentist  of  Troy  : 
'  Paddy  Ryan's  a  broth  of  a  boy, 
But  the  name  does  annoy 
A  society  coy 
And  I'll  change  it.     Now  what  d'ye  soye  ?  " 


I  have  been  peltad  during  the  past  week  or  two 
with  a  pitiless  storm  of  bleak  and  windy  common- 
places. It  has  been  my  misfortune  to  be  compelled 
to  attend  a  series  of  "graduating  exercises  "  where 
no  degrees  were  .conferred.  I  scarcely  know 
whether  I  kke  my  commonplaces  raw  or  cooked. 
The  public  schools  give  them  to  you  raw" and  the 
private  schools  have  them  cooked  by  the  teachers, 
but  you  might  as  well  try  to  cook  an  experienced 
brogan  out  of  taste.  The  whole  thing  is  a  preten- 
tious, flatulent  humbug  got  up  in  the  interest  of  a 
pack  of  advertising  schoolmasters,  public  and 
private.  May  the  good  Lordy  rack  them  with  old 
cramps  and  fill  their  bones  with  aches. 


The  business  of  writing  London  and  New  York 
letters  for  the  San  Francisco  press  is  a  queer  one. 
I  see  the  Examiners  li  London  correspondent  " 
dates  his  letters  '•  Inns  of  Court."  He  might  with 
almost  equal  accuracy  date  them  "  Hotels  of  Lon- 
don." There  is  no  one  place  in  London  exclusively 
known  as  the  Inns  of  Court  and  the  four  inns  are 
scattered  over  a  good  deal  of  ground.  Does  the 
"  correspondent  "  live  in  Gray's  Inn,  Lincoln's  Inn, 
the  Middle  Temple  ur  the  Inner  Temple,   or  does 


he  live  on  Tehama  street  1  Perhaps  he  is  the 
mysterious  "  Party  on  Minna  Street  "  who  fre- 
quents the  social  columns  of  the  CaUt 


That  sensitive  dentist  of  Troy  who  changed  his 
name  from  Ryan  because  it  was  also  borne  bv 
"Paddy,  the  bruiser,"  and  therefore  prevented 
him  from  entering  the  best  society  of  Troy,  lias  a 
parallel  in  Oakland.  In  that  city  there  is  a  den- 
tist whose  name  was  Sullivan,  but  now  is  some- 
thing much  more  refined  by  the  crder  of  the  court. 
He  is  now  moving  in  the  best  Oakland  society.  I 
think  I  will  change  my  name  from  Autolycus  to 
Sullivan  or  Muldoon.     I  should  feel  safer. 

Autolycus. 


A     GALLERY     OF     LANDSCAPES 


One  of  the  tribe  of  howling  curbstone  auction- 
eers who  have  done  so  much  to  sour  the  life  and 
writings  of  the  editor  of  this  paper,  was  yelling 
out  the  other  day  the  merits  of  a  lot  of  "  Irish 
landscapes" — the  Lakes  of  Killarney,  the  Blarney 
Stone,  the  Giant's  Causeway,  etc. — which  we  pre- 
sume he  had  got  from  some  Tehama  street  mansion 
or  Tar  Flat  groggery.  They  were  prints  of  the 
kind  where  the  azure  dome  of  the  firmament  de- 
scends upon  the  cow  in  the  foreground,  and  the 
green  carpet  of  the  meadow  rises  up  and  hits  the 
sky  a  lick  for  luck.  But  the  auctioneer  swore  that 
they  were  "  true  to  the  life,"  and  swore  so  hard 
and  sold  so  many  that  we  were  compelled  to  be- 
lieve him.  Then  we  saw  at  once  the  injustice 
which  has  been  done  to  the  British  Government  in 
accusing  it  of  compelling  the  Irish  to  emigrate.  It 
became  clear  to  us  that  no  man  with  coin  enough 
to  pay  for  a  steerage  passage,  or  cheek  enough  to 
be  a  stowaway,  would  remain  amid  such  fearful 
surroundings.  In  future,  if  we  want  to  help  the 
Irish,  let  us  send  a  regiment  of  artists  and  a  ship 
load  of  paint  and  touch  up  their  scenery  somewhat. 


His  Royal  Highness  the  Prince  of  Wales  covers  his 
royal  person  every  night  he  sleeps  at  home  with  San 
Francisco-made  blankets. — The  Merchant. 

Neighbor,  the  world  is  not  interested  in  what 
the  Prince  of  Wales  does  on  the  nights  when  he 
sleeps  at  home.  You  do  not  appear  to  know  what 
kind  of  news  we  are  crying  for. 


Gov.  Dorsheimer  relates  how  he  and  Mr.  Dana 
played  piquet  all  the  way  to  California  and  back. 
He  might  have  added  that  in  San  Francisco  they 
found  a  man  named  Scanlan  also  playing  piquet-boo. 


Of  elaboration  in  dress  there  is  no  end  ;  a  lady 
in  Paris  writes  :  "  An  odor  of  heliotrope  pervades 
this  fashionable  shop.  In  the  basement  the  little 
seamstresses  are  busy  sewing  scented  satchets  into 
quilted  underskirts. "  That  is  a  very  delicate  and 
pretty  attention  to  our  noses,  certainly  ;  but  how 
about  our  ears  ?  Why  should  not  the  dear  creatures 
move  us  with  a  concord  of  sweet  sounds  from  tiny 
music  boxes  concealed  about  their — well,  secured 
to  them  somewhere  and  operated  by  walking,  like 
a  pedometer  ? 

In  describing  one  of  the  gorgeous  Rothschild  re- 
ceptions in  Paree,  the  European  correspondent  of 
a  live  paper  alluded  to  "  the  flashing  of  jewels  and 
the  rustle  of  costly  silks  and  sheeny  satins."  It 
was  unfortunate  that  he  should  make  any  Sheeny 
allusions  relating  to  the  Rothschilds. 


TALK     ABOUT    THEATERS, 


The  Wyndham  Company  has  been  playing  to  very  poor 
houses  ;  a  fact  that  seems  inexplicable  when  one  considers 
the  excellence  of  the  actors,  the  good  quality  of  the  plays 
they  present  and  the  artistic  taste  shown  in  the  scenic 
effects.  To  be  sure,  Brighton  was  unsatisfactory  in  its 
tone  and  treatment,  according  to  San  Francisco's  pre- 
established  ideas  of  that  piece,  but  as  it  was  extremely 
amusing,  and  well  acted  from  a  farce  standpoint,  there 
was  no  apparent  reason  why  it  should  have  been  played 
night  after  night  to  almost  empty  benches.  The  audi- 
ences during  the  past  week  have  been  larger  than  those  of 
the  previous  one,  and  yet  they  have  fallen  far  below  the 
merits  of  the  entertainment  offered.  Under  its  present 
management,  the  patronage  of  the  Bush  Street  Theater 
has  not  been  found  among  the  so-called  fashionable,  that 
is  to  say  wealthiest,  circle  of  society,  and  it  may  be  that 
the  advanced  prices  have  kept  away  its  old-time  fre- 
quenters without    attracting    new  oneB  in  their  place. 


Jtuth's  ItvHt'iifi,  and  /  have  deserved  a  bet- 

ter fate,  for  they  are  both  of  them  clever  in  dialogue  and 
action;  the  latter  especially  s.,.  [ndeed,  San  Francisco 
has  rarely,  if  ever.  Been  anything  better  in  the  way  of 
light  comedy  than  Byron's  Fourth  n  Dayt  as  presented  by 
Mr.  Wyndham  and  his  company.  The  Great  D>r.., 
a  comedy  that  has  been  highly  praised  in  England  and 
the  East,  is  the  next  attraction  promised. 

■  i  ■/■'  Rimini,  at  the  California,  has  been  draw. 
ing  good  houses  during  its  second  week,  and  has  earned 
tliis  popularity,  for  the  play  is  a  master-work  and  the 
actors  are  fully  competent  to  do  it  justice.  Barrett  will 
appear  next  week  in  a  series  of  Shakspearean  characters, 
but  it  is  questionable  if  he  will  please  so  well  in  them  aa 
he  has  in  his  previous  efforts.  From  his  well  known  abil- 
ity as  a  manager  it  may  be  confidently  expected,  however, 
that  he  will  select  his  casts  with  better  judgment  than 
has  been  shown  of  late  by  a  rival  management. 

The  Modjeska  engagement  at  the  Baldwin  has  been  a 
partial  failure  ;  an  unpleasant  state  of  affairs  that  is  en- 
tirely due  to  her  mismanagers.  No  actor  ever  arrived 
here  with  a  more  brilliant  promise  of  success  than  she. 
Our  people  flattered  themselves,  without  reason,  to  be 
sure,  that  they  had  been  the  first  to  discover  the  merit  of 
this  wonderful  artist,  and  that  the  seal  of  their  approval 
had  been  her  passport  to  the  realm  of  histrionic  honor. 
They  were  prepared,  therefore,  to  crown  her  with  laurels 
grown  from  the  buds  which  she  had  planted  here  six  years 
ago.  Her  reception  was  enthusiastic,  and  was  accorded 
by  an  audience  surpassed  in  quality  by  none  that  has 
ever  gathered  together  in  this  city.  The  favorite  was 
found  to  be  all  that  was  remembered  of  her,  and  even 
more.  Notwithstanding  the  poor  support  by  which  she 
was  surrounded,  and  by  which  her  best  efforts  were  sadly 
impaired,  our  people  filled  the  theater  at  every  perform- 
ance during  the  first  week,  and  were  even  generous  of 
their  patronage  during  the  second  ;  but  at  last  they  wear- 
ied of  seeing  this  diamond  wasted  in  a  setting  of  imita- 
tion gems,  and  rebelled  against  showing  further  favor  to 
a  management  that  tried  to  impose  upon  their  judgment 
and  good  nature.  The  aforesaid  management  saved  a  few 
dollars,  behind  the  footlights,  by  presenting  An  You  Like 
It  and  Twelfth  Night  with  execrable  casts,  while  the  other 
plays  were  only  a  fraction  better  given  ;  and  they  still 
further  showed  a  woeful  lack  of  ability  in  directing  the 
stage,  even  to  the  details  of  handling  the  curtain  and 
shifting  the  scenes.  They  seemed  to  believe  that  the  ex- 
cellence of  Modjeska  would  atone  for  a  multitude  of 
minor  faults,  but  they  were  in  errur,  and  the  result  of 
their  pennywise  mistake  was  that  it  ruined  the  chances  of 
what  would  undoubtedly  have  been  one  of  the  most  profit- 
able engagements  ever  played  in  San  Francisco. 

The  Standard  has  been  doing  its  usual  good  business  in 
burnt  cork  and  promises  to  do  even  better  during  the  next 
week,  which  is  to  be  the  last  of  the  present  company  and 
the  last  of  minstrelsy  in  that  house  for  some  time  to  come. 
When  the  Wyndham  engagement  ends,  Emerson's  Min- 
strels will  take  possession  of  the  Bush  Street  Theater  for 
the  summer  months,  during  which  season  the  Standard 
will  be  closed. 

The  Tivoli,  after  a  successful  run  of  Boccaccio,  has  re- 
placed that  opera  with  Gounod's  Faust.  The  latter  is 
presented  with  a  good  orchestra  and  chorus,  and  is  hand- 
somely costumed  and  well  mounted.  Whether  this  effort 
in  the  direction  of  heavy  operatic  work  will  prove  success- 
ful, is  as  yet  an  unsettled  question. 

Messrs.  MacAbee  and  Mastersou,  who  have  leased  the 
Baldwin  for  three  years,  have  contracted  with  the  man- 
agement of  the  Bush  Street  Theater  for  all  the  companies 
that  were  to  appear  at  the  lattar  place  during  the  sum- 
mer months.  This  contract  is  made  in  a  liberal  spirit  so 
far  as  the  Bush  Street  people  are  concerned,  and  prom- 
ises but  little  if  any  profit  to  the  Baldwin,  but  it  will  at 
least  keep  that  house  open  while  its  new  management  is 
making  arrangements  for  its  permanent  running. 

Mr.  George  Osbourne,  an  actor  favorably  known  to  our 
theater-goers,  is  to  have  a  benefit  to-morrow  evening  at 
the  Baldwin.     The  play  will  be  Chi  spa. 

The  Thomas  Concerts  commence  next  week,  and  our 
music  lovers,  sham  music  lovers,  fashionables  and  would- 
be  fashionables,  have  apparently  decreed  that  they  shall 
be  a  success.  At  all  events  a  large  number  of  seats  have 
been  sold  in  advance  and  the  initial  performances  will 
draw  excellent  houses.  Whether  this  good  fortune  will 
continue  throughout  the  season  is  a  question  that  time 
and  the  whim  of  the  people  alone  can  decide. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


IRISH    SECRET    SOCIETIES. 


All  the  Irish  societies  in  this  country  profess 
benevolent  and  worthy  objects,  but  some  of  them 
have  used  the  garb  of  benevolence  and  religion  to 
further  malign  and  nefarious  purposes.  They  per- 
petuate foreign  feuds,  and  keep  alive  race  dis- 
tinctions, both  of  which  are  out  of  place  here,  and 
should  be  made  to  disappear  in  the  broader  life  of 
America.  Scheming  men,  to  further  their  own  am- 
bition, natter  and  applaud  the  prejudices  of  the 
members ;  thus  the  societies  become  important 
agents  in  elections,  and,  knowing  their  power,  do 
not  scruple  to 

"-  deal  damnation  round  the  land 
On  each  they  judge  their  foe." 

The  murders  and  other  atrocities  committed  by  the 
Fenians  in  Ireland,  and  the  Irish  Mollie  Maguires 
in  Pennsylvania,  stamp  them  with  a  strong  family 
likeness.  These  secret  societies  arrogate  to  them- 
selves the  functions  of  prosecutor,  judge,  jury  and 
executioner.  From  their  mandate  there  is  no  ap- 
peal ;  the  signal  given,  the  victim  is  doomed.  The 
same  illogical  and  brutal  spirit  exists  in  each.  Id 
quick  sympathy  for  fugitive  criminals,  in  the  mys- 
tery of  their  movements,  in  contempt  for  the  con- 
demnation of  their  Church,  and  in  reckless  aban- 
donment of  restraint,  human  or  divine,  the  two 
conspiracies  are  alike.  In  both,  the  object  is  not 
robbery,  but  revenge  and  murder  ;  and  this  shock- 
ing intent,  by  some  strange  beguilement,  is  gloried 
in  as  a  resource  of  patriotism.  Should  such  mental 
and  moral  confusion  ever  attain  the  ascendancy,  it 
would  overturn  civilization  and  bring  back  chaos 
and  black  night  again.  *  *  *  In  Pennsylvania 
the  criminals  were  hunted  down,  and  the  crimes 
stopped.  The  Irish  in  Ireland  did  not  send  aid 
and  comfort  to  criminals  here,  nor  in  anyway  inter- 
fere with  the  process  of  our  courts.  In  Ireland, 
the  difficulties  are  far  greater;  therefore,  the  peo- 
ple, as  well  as  their  Government,  have  a  right  to 
expect  of  us,  at  least,  the  friendship  of  a  silent 
sympathy,  instead  of  an  embarrassing  interference, 
prompted  by  a  desire  to  propitiate  the  turbulent, 
not  the  peaceable,  Irish  element  here.  There  was 
no  pretense  of  inequality  before  the  law  in  Penn- 
sylvania, nor  of  extortionate  rents,  nor  of  undue 
governmental  restraints.  Neither,  on  the  other 
hand,  did  the  State  adjust  or  scale  down  rents  to 
suit  the  necessities  of  tenants.  But  in  the  coal 
regions,  a  reign  of  terror  existed  of  precisely  the 
same  kind  as  has  so  often  reigned  in  part3  of  Ire- 
land. As  the  victims  in  Ireland  represented  a  po- 
litical power  obnoxious  to  their  murderers,  or  else 
private  persons  who  had  incurred  their  hostility — 
so,  in  Pennsylvania,  the  victims  represented,  in 
some  capacity,  the  corporations  controlling  the 
mining  business,  or  were  persons  who  had  offended 
the  ruffians.  Here,  as  in  Ireland,  the  plots  were 
unraveled,  and  men  in  higher  stations  were  impli- 
cated as  ringleaders.  At  this  point  the  resem- 
blance stops.  It  is  due  to  the  Mollie  Maguires  to 
admit  that  they  did  not  run  to  Ireland  or  France 
for  shelter,  nor  even  to  take  up  a  collection.  Few 
of  the  mad  revolutionists  here,  who  pretend  to  be 
anxious  to  drive  the  British  out  of  Ireland,  evince 
any  great  desire  to  engage  in  the  work  themselves. 
If  a  hundred  or  two  of  them  would  only  go  to  Ire- 
land at  once,  they  would  at  least  seem  consistent, 
and  gratify  Americans  as  well  as  the  British  peo- 
ple. But  they  will  not  go  ;  they  know  that  here 
they  may  "live  long  and  prosper."  The  sum  of 
their  Irish  patriotism  is  expressed  in  the  old  form- 
ula :  "  We  are  opposed  to  the  cholera,  and  in  favor 
of  the  next  war  with  England."  They  also  know 
that  if  that  patriotism,  which  Johnson  defined  as 
"  the  last  refuge  of  scoundrels,"  should  fail  to  ren- 
der them  an  ample  support,  they  can,  as  a  last  re- 
sort, open  bar-rooms,  become  aldermen,  get  rich, 
and  hope  to  die  in  the  odor  of  sanctiiy. — North, 
American  Review  for  June. 


RESTORING    HIS    YOUTH. 


"  Well,  sir."  commenced  the  religious  editor,  as 
he  strolled  into  the  managing  editor's  sanctum, 
"  well,  sir,  I've  been  restoring  my  lost  youth." 

"How  did  you  fetch  it?"  inquired  the  man- 
aging editor,  laying  down  his  cigar  out  of  the  re- 
ligious editor's  reach. 

"  I  went  to  the  circus,  and  I  went  just  as  I  used 
to  when  I  was  a  small  boy.  Didn't  buy  any  ticket. 
Didn't  have  any  money  with  me  so  my  courage 
could  fail  me  at  the  last  moment.  I  just  walked 
up  to  the  tent  with  the  urchins  that  were  sneaking 
around  there,  and  when  the  man  with  the  big  whip 


wasn't  looking  I  made  a  dive  for  the  bottom  of  the 
canvas." 

"  Golly,  what  fun  !  "  exclaimed  the  managing 
editor,  as  the  dream  of  his  own  boyhood  swept  up 
from  its  grave  and  stood  before  him,  rehabilitated 
in  all  the  colors  of  his  old  play  days.  "  Did  you 
get  through  1 " 

"Not  that  trip,"  replied  the  religious  editor. 
"  I  forgot  my  rotundity,  and  I  stuck.  The  man 
with  the  whip  lit  into  me,  and  I  really  thought  I 
was  only  ten  years  old.  It  was  the  most  delightful 
experience  of  my  whole  life." 

"  Don't  ! "  murmured  the  managing  editor. 
"  Don't,  you  make  me  cry." 

"  Well,  sir,  as  his  back  was  turned,  I  went  for 
it  once  more.  I  could  see  the  youngsters  going 
under,  and  I  made  up  my  mind  to  fetch  it  if  it 
took  a  lawsuit.  But  one  of  the  circus  men  hap- 
pened to  be  passing,  and  he  picked  me  up  and  he 
whaled  me  with  a  tent  pin  until  I  was  as  black  as 
court  plaster.  Fun  !  I  wouldn't  have  taken  a 
hundred  dollars  in  cash  for  that  experience  alone." 

"  Certainly  not,  certainly  not,"  smiled  the  man- 
aging editor,  gleefully.  "  Why  didn't  you  let  me 
know  what  you  were  going  to  do  \  I'd  have  given 
a  thousand  dollars  to  have  been  with  you.  Did 
yon  try  it  again  '?  " 

"  Well,  I  should  snort  !  "  exclaimed  the  religious 
editor,  wiping  the  tears  of  laughter  from  his  face. 
' '  As  soon  as  the  coast  was  clear,  I  changed  the 
dodge  and  tried  to  climb  over  the  canvas,  you  know, 
between  the  roof  and  the  side." 

"  And  so  reach  the  top  row  of  seats  !  Done  it  a 
hundred  times  !  "  clamored  the  managing  editor. 

"  I'd  almost  fetched  it,  when  my  pants  caught 
on  something,  I  don't  know  what,  and  there  I 
hung  !  Couldn't  break  loose,  and  they  pulled  me 
down  by  the  leg  and  whalloped  me  till  the  blood 
came  !  I  just  wish  you'd  been  there  to  have  got 
in  on  one  of  those  lickings  I  got  ! " 

"  Didn't  you  get  in  at  all  ? "'  asked  the  manag- 
ing editor,  rather  disappointed. 

"Of  course  not  !  Somehow,  I  had  missed  the 
combination  that  we  used  to  work  when  we  were 
boys,  but  I  had  all  the  rest  of  it,  and,  between  you 
and  me,  it  was  really  better  than  getting  in  !  " 

"Of  course,  of  course,"  conceded  the  managing 
editor,  politely.  "And  I'd  have  given  a  month's 
pay  to  have  gone  back  to  my  lost  youth.  Are  you 
fit  for  work  ?  " 

"  Won't  be  for  a  month  !  Can't  sit  down  !  " 
roared  the  religious  editor,  with  a  prodigious  laugh. 
"  You  can  write  that  editorial  on  Heber  Newton, 
and  I'll  go  and  cure  up." 

And  the  managing  editor  looked  after  him  with 
envy  in  his  eyes,  as  the  religious  editor  limped  off 
to  fix  himself.  After  all,  it  doesn't  much  matter 
what  carries  us  back  to  our  younger  days,  so  long 
as  we  get  there  unce  in  a  while. — Brooklyn  Eagle. 


WOMEN    AND     DOGS, 


Pet  dogs  are  the  latest  hobby  in  the  fashionable 
world  of  New  York  and  other  large  cities. 

A  certain  costly  species  of  bull-terrier,  grown  ex- 
ceedingly small  by  in-breeding  and  doses  of  gin,  is 
the  favorite  of  women  wealthy  enough  to  afford  in- 
dulgence in  such  pets.  They  are  hideously  mis- 
shapen little  monsters,  but  the  uglier  they  are  the 
more  they  ars  valued.  They  are  taken  out  every 
day  by  their  mistresses  or  footmen  for  an  airing, 
wearing  embroidered  coats  and  gold  collars,  on 
which  their  names  are  engraved  or  set  in  jewels. 

One  of  these  dogs  died  in  PhUadelphia  lately,  and 
formal  notice  of  the  funeral  was  given  to  the  friends 
of  its  mistress,  who  sent  their  dogs  in  carriages  with 
liveried  footmen,  etc.,  etc.  The  dead  dog  was  laid 
in  a  satin-lined,  silver-mounted  coffin  ;  offerings  of 
flowers  were  sent,  and  a  costly  monument  was  raised 
over  its  grave. 

"Beppo,"  the  pet  of  a  wealthy  young  lady, 
lately  sent  out  cards  for  a  reception,  which  was  at- 
tended by  all  the  haul  ton  of  dogdom.  The  homely 
little  beasts  sent  to  the  reception  were  served  on 
dainty  china  with  all  the  delicacies  of  the  caterers 
art.  The  feast,  floral  decorations,  etc.,  cost  more 
than  S200. 


"  Mose  !  what  was  dat  ar  'scription  you  gub  me 
fo'  eatin'  frogs  ?  "  "  Why,  Remus,  I  tole  yo'  dat 
yo'  mus'  eat  the  legs  fust."  "  Jesso  Mose,  an'  I 
done  go  try  fer  ter  eat  dis  frog  legs  fust,  but  sho's 
I  git  de  beas'  down's  fur  as  my  diegram  he  gibs  one 
ob  dem  dar  bed-spring  hysts  an'  he  comes  up  agin 
just  like  he  war  tied  to  a  'spender some w liar  outTin 
dis  medder. 


THE    FUNNY    MEN. 


They  were  speaking  of  a  young  lady,  who  sings 
beautifully,  and  one  of  the  party  asked,  "  Is  she 
a  mezzo  soprano  ?  "  "  No,  I  guess  not.  I  think 
she  is  a  Swede,"  was  the  innocent  reply  of  a  high 
school  girl. 


If  there  be  one  spot  dearer  to  many  men  than 
another,  it  is  the  ace  to  fill  a  straight  flush. 


No,  young  man,  it  doesn't  hurt  you  a  particle  to 
sow  your  wild  oats.  Go  ahead  and  sow  as  you 
wish.  But  it's  the  gathering  in  of  the  crop  that 
will  make  you  howl.  And  you  have  to  gather  it, 
too.  If  you  don't  it  gathers  you  in,  and  one  is  a 
great  deal  worse  than  the  other. 


"Doctor,"  said  a  fond  mother,  leaning  over  the 
bedside  of  her  son,  who  seemed  to  be  suffering 
greatly,  "  what's  the  matter  with  him  '{  "  The 
physician  examined  the  sufferer  and  replied,  "He's 
sick." 


"Aod  so  Peter  Cooper  is  dead,"  said  Mrs.  Mc- 
Gill,  "  how  I  did  enjoy  reading  his  Leather  Stock- 
ing tales  when  I  was  a  gal,"  and  the  good  old  soul 
wiped  a  budding  tear  from  her  spectacles. 

Solomon  applied— Spare  the  rod  and  improve  the 
trouting. 


Three  carpets  hung  waving  in  the  breeze, 
Abroad  in  the  breeze,  as  the  sun  went  down ; 

And  three  husbands  with  patches  of  dirt  on  their  knees 
Whacked  whacks  that  were  heavd  for  miles  up  and  down; 

For  men  must  work  and  women  must  clean, 

And  the  carpets  be  beaten  no  matter  how  mean, 
While  the  neighbors  do  the  bossing. 


What  a  bore  Jenkins  is  !  "  exclaimed  Connery, 
"just  met  him,  and  he  talked  about  that  con- 
founded horse  of  his  for  half  an  hour,  and  I  couldn't 
get  a  word  in  edgewise  about  my  new  dog." 


The  dude  and  the  maiden  :  "  Aw,  I  hev  such  a 
dwedful  cawldin  me  lied,"  remarked  the  Ivy  street 
dude,  as  he  stroked  the  tender  tip  of  nose  yester- 
day. "  Better  that  than  nothing,"  was  the  witty 
but  cruel  response  of  a  Peach  street  maiden  who 
heard  him. 


"I  haf  only  von  brice  for  mygoots, "  said  one 
of  our  "clodink"  merchants  to  a  customer,  the 
other  day  ;  and  then  in  an  aside  to  his  head  clerk 
he  added,  with  a  wink,  ' ( and  dot  vas  te  brice  he 
is  villing  to  gif." 

I  gave  him  his  first  rejection 

At  Newport,  a  year  ago  ; 
At  Christmas,  with  proper  reflection, 

Again,  in  New  York,  I  said  "  No." 

There's  in  grammar  a  rule  I  remember — 
Two  negatives— how  does  it  run  ? 

So  the  cards  have  gone  out  for  September, 
And  my  white  satin  gown  is  begun. 


He  entered  a  coffee  and  cake  house,  and  after 
eating  a  plate  of  fish  cakes,  called  for  "  a  cup  of 
coffee  an'  pace  uv  pui."  "  Vot  kind  of  py  ?  "  asked 
the  German  attendant.  "Quinz  poi.:'  "  Mintz  ?  " 
"  No,  quinz,  ye  thick-headed  Dutchman.  Do  1  look 
loike  a  man  that  'ud  ate  mate  on  Friday  l  " 


The  Nevada  City  Board  of  Education  recently 
made  an  order  that  no  pupil  should  be  admitted  to 
the  public  schools  without  a  physician's  certificate 
to  the  effect  that  the  bearer  had  been  vaccinated 
within  the  past  eight  years.  Last  Monday  week 
a  pert  and  pretty  girl  of  sixteen  presented  herself 
at  school  without  a  certificate.  When  the  teacher 
inquired  for  the  certificate  the  girl  saucily  display- 
ed a  shapely  leg,  on  which  there  was  an  unmistak- 
able vaccination  mark,  and  asked  :  "  How's  that 
for  a  certificate  ?  "  The  teacher  said  he  didn't  ad- 
mire the  handwriting,  but  the  parchment  on  which 
the  certificate  was  engrossed  was  real  nice. 


One  of  the  most  sanguinary  puns  of  the  season 
is  perpetrated  by  the  Boston  Bulletin  as  follows  : 
"  A  blooded  horse  is  of  course  a  good  gore."  After 
such  an  effort  as  this,  life  appears  much  brighter. 


Elderly  philanthropist  to  small  boy  who  is  vainly 
striving  to  pull  a  door- bell  above  his  reach  :  "Let 
me  help  you,  my  little  man."  (Pulls  the  bell.) 
SmaLl  boy  :  "  Now  you  had  better  run  or  we'll 
both  get  a  licking  !  " 


THE    WASP. 


IS 


BLASTED    HOPELETS, 


It  is  a  common  idea  of  romantic  young  women 
who  have  good  voices  or  good  looks  that  they  have 
only  to  go  upon  the  Btage  to  have  offers  of  marriage 
showered  upon  them  by  noble  foreigners  ami  mil- 
lionaires.    Like  most  other  ideas  of  buoyant  youth, 
this  one  is  a  delusion.      The  millionaire  turns  out, 
in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  to  be  an  uncertificated  in- 
solvent, and  the  noble  foreigner  a  cook  in  a  six- 
penny   restaurant,    or  a   three-card    monte*  man. 
Even  the  stars  of  the    profession    have    not  been 
universally  lucky  in   their  love   affairs.      Malibran 
made  a  wretched  marriage  and  lost  heavily  by  a 
husband  whom  -she  had  to  leave.      Sontag,    when  a 
rich  and  favorite  prima  donna,   wedded  a  German 
count,  who  slandered  all  her  earnings  in  gambling, 
and  she  had  to  come  to  America  to  retrieve  her  for 
tunes,  dying  miserably  in  Mexico.     Madame  Grisi 
was  the  victim  of  an  unfortunate  marriage,  and  she 
did  not  better  herself  when  she  left  her  husband, 
and  went  to  live  with  Mario,  wiio  married  her  after 
his  predecessor's  death.     Madame  Patti,  too,   has 
not    escaped  ;    for    she    married    a    broken-down 
French  marquis,  who  wasted  her  fortune,  and  she 
had  to  get  a  separation  from  him  to  become  the 
protege"  or  the  protector  of  a  man  much  her  senior, 
with   whom  she  had  contracted    a   marriage,  the 
legality  of  which  is  questioned.     Acting  under  his 
advice,  she  has  spent  enormous  sums  in  the   pur- 
chase of  a  castle  in  Wales,  where  she  is  the  prey  of 
tradesmen,  speculators,  and  beggars,  and  she  has 
to  leave  it  every  season  to  raise  money  to  maintain 
it  and  enable  her  and  NIcolini   to  live  luxuriously 
during   p;:rt   of   each    year.     So,  dear  girls,  stage 
marriages    are    not  all   rose-colored.     The   safest 
thing  for  any  dreamy  young  creature   to  do,    who 
wishes  to  wed  a  combination  of  intellect  and  hash, 
is   to   marry   a   produce   reporter   on    an  evening 
paper. 

A  queer,  ugly  little  bo'it,  puts  out  from  a  point 
near  the  morgue  here  (says  Joaquin  Miller  in  a 
recent  New  York  letter)  and  points  up  East  River 
every  day,  with  its  narrow  deck  piled  nearly  full  of 
ugly-shaped  and  dimly-colored  boxes.  You  don't 
see  anybody  on  this  boat.  But  the  deck  is  loaded 
down  with  people,  dead  people,  in  the  ugly,  red- 
stained  boxes  piled  up  iu  the  bow.  Barons  and 
beggars,  black  and  white  people,  all  kinds  and  all 
classes,  all  who  have  lost  their  way  on  the  road  of 
life  and  lain  down  and  died  alone  and  unknown 
and  penniless,  have  joined  together  here  in  one 
last  ride  and  sail  to  Hart's  Island,  the  Potter's 
Field.  The  boat  for  all  its  freight  of  dead  seems  to 
have  sense  and  life.  It  hugs  the  shore  and  seems 
to  shrink  fr^_>m  contact  of  other  craft,  as  if  it  were 
a  leper  ;  and  still  as  the  dead  in  the  stained 
boxes  is  this  Charon's  boat  that  steals  up  the  river 
and  out  from  the  great  stormy  city  with  its  un- 
known and  uumourneo  dead  to  the  Isle  of  Rest. 


ZINFANDEL  WINE. 
Messrs.  Kohler  &  Frohling.  ii2(j  Montgomery  street  and 
southeast  corner  Sutter  and  Dupont,  have  a  tine  quality 
of  ZinfanrM  (California)  wine  from  their  own  vineyards 
and  extensive  wine  cellers.  This  is  one  of  the  oldest  and 
nmst  reliable  wine  firms  on  the  Pacific  Coast. 

PIANO,     MUSIC    AND    ART     HOUSE. 

Owing  to  the  large  increase  of  trale,  Me^rj.  Benham 
&  Eaton  have  removed  t<>  the  large  -tore,  No.  73 "<  Market 
street.  They  have  on  sale  the  celt  Ij rated  ltdzelton  Bro.'s 
Piano,  which  lias  had  a  very  extensive  sale  on  this  Coast 
for  the  past  six  years.  Mr.  Benham  bus  now  a  large 
Piano  Factory,  and  is  making  the  A.  W.  Benham  Piano, 
which  in  tune,  excellence  ami  durability  cannot  be  excell- 
ed. They  also  manufacture  Church  Organs  superior  and 
better  than  those  brought  out  from  the  East.  Their 
factory  is  situated  on  Rlission  street, _'and  is  very  exten- 
sive. At  their  store,  733  Market  street,  can  be  found  all 
sheet  music,  instruments,  etc.,  in  the  line  of  music  and  art. 


"JESSE    MOORE." 

This  celebrated  brand  of  Kentucky  Whiskey  is  becom- 
ing a  "household  word"  all  over  the  Coast.  Messrs. 
Moore,  Hunt  &  Co.,  417  and  41!t  Market  street,  are  the 
sole  agents. 

THE    GEYSERS. 

Mr.  Forsyth,  proprietor  of  the  celebrated  Geysers,  has 
made  extensive  additions  and  accommodations  for  his 
numerous  visitors,  adding  pleasant  cottages,  swimming 
baths  of  clear  mineral  waters,  also  steam  baths.  Mr. 
Forsyth  ministers  to  the  comfort  of  alltou-ists,  and  none 
who  desire  a  few  days  recreation  in  the  country  should 
miss  the  delightful  trip  to  the  Geysers.  The  tour  can  be 
made  via  Cloverdale  or  Calistoga  with  ease  and  comfort. 
The  hotel  accommodations  are  first-class  in  every  respect. 
Don't  miss  the  "Geysers"  this  season. 


STRONG 
FACTS/ 


A  great  many  people  are  asking 
what  particular  troubles  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  is  good  for. 

It  will  cure  Heart  Disease,  Paral- 
ysis, Dropsy,  Kidney  Disease,  Con- 
sumption, Dyspepsia,  Rheumatism, 
Neuralgia,  and  all  similar  diseases. 

Its  wonderful  curative  power  is 
simply  because  it  purifies  and  en- 
riches the  blood,  thus  beginning  at 
the  foundation,  and  by  building  up 
the  system,  drives  out  all  disease. 

A  Lady  Cured  of  Rheumatism. 

Baltimore,  Md.,  May  7,  *88o. 

My  health  was  much  shattered  by 
Rheumatism  when  I  commenced 
taking  Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  and  I 
scarcely  had  strength  enough  to  at- 
tend to  my  daily  household  duties. 
I  am  now  using  the  third  bottle  and  I 
am  regaining  strength  daily,  and  I 
cheerfully  recommend  it  to  all. 

I  cannot  say  too  much  in  praise 
of  it.     .Mrs.  Mary  E.  Bkasheak, 
173  Prestmansu 

Kidney  Disease  Cured. 

Christiansburg,  Va.,  1881. 
Suffering  from  kidney  disease, 
from  which  I  could  get  no  relief,  I 
tried  Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  which 
cured  me  completely.  A  child  of 
mine,  recovering  from  scarlet  fever, 
had  no  appetite  and  did  not  seem  to 
be  able  to  eat  at  all.  I  gave  him  Iron 
Bitters  with  the  happiest  results. 
J.  Kyle  Montague. 

Heart  Disease- 
vine  St.,  Harrisburg,  Pa. 
Dec.  2,  1 881. 
After  trying  different  physicians 
and  many  remedies  for  palpitation 
of  the  heart  without  receiving  any 
benefit,  I  was  advised  to  try  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters.     I  have  used  two  bot- 
tles and  never  found  anything  that 
gave  me  so  much  relief. 

Mrs.  Jennie  Hess. 

For  the  peculiar  troubles  to  which 
ladies  are  subject,  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters  is  invaluable.     Try  it. 

Be  sure  and  get  the  Genuine. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


HAS  BEEN  PROVED 

The  SUREST  CURE  for 

Kl DN EY  DISEASES. 

Does  a  lame  back  or  disordered  urine  indi- 
cate that  you  are  a  victim  ?  THEN*  DO  "WOT 
HESITATE;  use  Kidney-Wort  at  once,  (drug- 
gists recommend  it)  and  it  will  speedily  over- 
come the  disease  and  restore  healthy  action. 
■  pk  rllOG  -For  complaints  peculiar 
■■CI  *J  I  CO  o  to  your  sex,  such  as  pain 
and  weaknesses,  Kidney-Wort  is  unsurpassed, 
as  it  will  act  promptly  and  safely. 

EitherSes.  Incontinence, retention  ofurine, 
brick  dust  or  ropy  deposits,  and  dull  dragging  c 
pains,  all  speedily  yield  to  its  curative  power   H 
43-    SOLD  ET  AX/L  DHUGGISTS.    Price  SI   W 


KIDNEY- WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY 

la  a  certain  cure  for  XGBYOUS  DEBILITY 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  the  evil  effects  al 
j-ijucbful  follies  and  expenses. 

Wit.  EIIATIK.  who  ii  a  re^nlar  physician, 
graduate  of  [be  University  or  PennsWania, 
Will  agree  to  forfeit  Five  Huadn-d  Dollars  foi 
acjiscoMheklnd  Ihc  VITAL  KESTOitATIVI 
(umier  his  special  advice  and  treatme"'.)  wil 
not  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle  ;  four  Umea  tbi 
quntitity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  COWPI 
dej-ttillv.  by  A.  E.  SIIXTIE.  M.  D.,  No.  II 
Kearny  Street,  S.  F.     Send  for  pamphlet. 

BAMPLE  BOTTLE  I  REE  will  bo  scat  U 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  srmpuims 
sei  aoi'  ^Jie.   Strict  secrecy  in  rll  transaction! 


Are   You   Going   East  ? 
HUrT    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

To  pass  through  the  old  Historical,  most  densely  popu- 
lated, richest  and  best  portions  of  the  country  lying  be- 
tween the  PACIFIC  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  which  is  sparsely settled,  desolate  and 
uninteresting.  Hence,  when  purchasing  your  ticket,  be 
particular  to  see  that  it  reads  by  way  uf  the  Grand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


This  line  has  always  stood  in  the  first  rank  with  Cali- 
L^rnians  and  has  carried  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent. 

IF  YOU  SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Central  Pacific  R  R.,from  San  Francisco  to 
OGDEN,  and  the  Denver  &  Rio  Grande  R.  R.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot  at  Denver  with  the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
'  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  either  via  Kansas  City  or 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  firxt- 
class  style.  If  you  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  is 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific  R.  R's,  from 
San  Francisco  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  with  the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.  If  .you  select  the  Southern  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific  and  Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  and  Union 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,  CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &  QTJINCY 
Short  Line  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  at  KANSAS 
CITY,  and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arri  /at  at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the  Eastern  Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to  passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Harper's  Ferry,  famous  Horse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  of  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all  that  is  most  gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's  end,  besides  being  assured  of  all  that  is 
luxurious  in  traveling  across  the  continent  from  the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  BOSTON. 

AU  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this  line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  "BURUXGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quincy  K.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Rail- 
road in  the  world  for  all  classes  <>f  travel. 


Important    to    Tourists    and    Visitors. 

Make  no  mistake.  Sec  HIE.  lleKAY,  at  his  new 
office,  32  Montgomery  Street,  before  making  arrange- 
ments for  your  trip  across  Hie  continent. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Car  Accommodations, 
Checking  your  Baggage,  run  I  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without  charge. 

Special  attention  shown  lo  Australian,  .New  Zea- 
land, t'liina  ami  Japan  Pas*euger». 

T.   D.  McKAY, 

General  RaUwayaud  Steamship  Paft&cngcr  Agent. 

32     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 
SAX    FRANCISCO. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


JOKES    FRENCHES, 


The  newly-made  husband  is  a  man  who  has  not 
led  a  gay  life  for  several  years  without  learning  a 
good  deal,  and,  as  a  matter  of  course,  he  is  a  most 
rigid  censor  of  his  wife's  visiting-list. 

"  Why  is  it  that  I  never  see  your  wife  with  her 
old  schoolmate,  Mme.  X. '!  "  asks  an  acquaintance. 

"  Because  you  won't,  either,"  is  the  fervent  if 
ungrammatical  reply. 

"  But  why  not  ?     Mme.  X.  is  a  model  woman." 

"  Yes,  for  a  sculptor." 


Nobody  knows  the  value  of  good  advice  but  the 
person  who  gives  it. 

"  I  don't  pretend  to  any  particular  sagacity  as  a 
politician,"  says  one  of  the  guests  at  a  dinner- 
party, "I  am  simply  a  plain  common-sense  man, 
that  can  put  two  and  two  together;  but  this  much 
I  will  say  :  If  Charles  X.,  Louis  Phillippe  and  Na- 
poleon III.  had  only  called  me  in  and  taken  my  ad- 
vice, they'd  all  be  on  the  throne  to-day,  every  man 
Jack  of  them — I  mean  every  man  King  of  them." 

The  young  Anatole  is  endeavoring  to  negotiate  a 
loan  with  his  uncle. 

"  Hang  it,  sir,"  says  the  elder  moralist,  with 
severity,  "I  do  not  understand  why  you  can't 
manage  to  get  along  without  coming  to  borrow  of 
me  ! " 

"  But,  uncle " 

"  Don't  '  but  uncle  '  me,  sir  !  Why,  when  I  was 
a  law  student  at  Paris,  just  as  you  are,  I  had  125 
francs  a  month,  and  with  that  I  managed  to  get 
along — I  not  only  managed  to  get  along,  but  to 
accumulate  some  debts  too  !  " 


GOOD     CLOTHING. 
Those  who  wish  a  good  suit  of  clothes,  well  made  and 
at  very  reasonable  rates,  should  call  on  Nicoll,  the  Tailor 
816  and  818  Market  street. 

**t '.'.  Aiair  outside  is  but  a  poor  substitute  for  inward 
worth.  Good  health  inwardly,  of  the  bowels,  liver  and 
kidneys,  is  sure  to  secure  a  fair  outside,  the  glow  of  health 
on  the  cheek  and  vigor  in  the  frame.  For  this  use  Kid- 
ney-Wort and  nothing  else. 

"WHITE    HOUSE"     WHISKIES. 
Mr.  George  Stevens  has  in  bond  or  duty  paid  a  superior 
assortment  of  the  finest  old  Gin,  Brandy,  Port  and  Sherrv 
His  office  is  Room  2,  31S  Front  street 


CATARRH  OF  THE  BLADDER. 
Stinging,  irritation,  inflammation,  all  Kidney  and  Urin- 
ary complaints,  cured  by  "  Buchu-paiba."     SI. 

A    GOOD    AND    POPULAR    CURE. 

Mr.  Valentine  Hassmer  has  been  favorably  known  in 

this  city  and  on  the  Coast  for  many  years.     His  Lung  and 

Cough   Syrup  for  the  cure  of  all  diseases  of  the  Lungs 

Inroat  C.atanh  and  Consumption,  has  a  wide  reputation 

o«w    i!"=?1Uchgood-     CaUat  Mr-   Hassmer's  store, 
add  Washington  street,  corner  Powell. 

'emand  it  and  take  no  other  iron  preparation  except 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters.     It  is  the  best. 


PURE    CANDIES. 
Mr.  B.  Hacker  wholesale  and  retail  dealer  in  and  man- 
ufacturer of  confectionery  from  pure  crushed  sugar,  has 
an  extensive  trade.     His  store  is  325  Kearny  street. 

FINE    STYLES    OF    HATS. 

«„5h  M'  Meussdorffer,  corner  Bush  and  Montgomery, 
and  also  404  Kearny  street,  gives  your  monev's  worth  and 
lull  value.     Call  on  him  when  you  wish  a  fine  hat. 

BURNHAM'S     ABIETENE. 
No  compound  but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar 
Kind    of    fir       Cures  Rheumatism,   Neuralgia,  etc.     A 
specific  for  Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

LUMBER    AND    WOOD-YARD. 

C.  C.  White  manager  of  the  Farmers'  Merchantable 
Lumber  and  Wood  Company,  San  Jose,  office  on  the  Al- 
ameda near  C.  P.  R.  E.,  has  a  large  trade  in  doors,  win- 
dows blinds,  posts,  shingles,  wood  and  lumber  at  very 
low  rates. 

DENTISTRY. 
C.  O.  Dean,  D.  D.  S. ,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 

SUBSCRIBERS 
Who  desire  to  keep  the  "  WASP  "  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


KOSTETTERV 

[)W      CELEBRATED       H^ 


fe^  „  STOMACH  ^  ^ 

BITTERS 


Hostetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters meets  the  requirements 
of  the  rational  medical  phi- 
losophy which  at  present 
prevails.  It  is  a  perfectly 
pure  vegetable  remedy,  em- 
bracing the  three  important 
properties  of  a  preventive, 
a  tonic  and  an  alterative.  It 
fortifies  the  body  against 
disease,  invigorates  and  re- 
vitalizes the  torpid  stomach 
and  liver,  and  effects  a  salu- 
tary change  in  the  entire 
system. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


AMUSEMENTS. 

Grand  Musical  Festival 

—   UNDER  THE  DIRECTION  OF  — 

THEODORE  THOMAS, 

—  TO    BE    HELD    AT    THE  — 

Mechanics'    Pavilion 

—  ON    THE    EVENINGS    01'  — 

June  7th,  8th,  9th,  Nth  &  12th, 

—  AND   AFTERNOONS  OF  — 

June    Nth    and    13th. 

Seven    Grand    Programmes, 

Embracing  the  widest  range  of  composition,  will  be  rend- 
ered by  the 

Theodore    Thomas'    Grand     Orchestra 

OF    SIXTY    PERFORMERS, 
In  conjunction  with  the  following  soloists  : 

MISS  EMMA    THUllSBY, Soprano 

MRS.  E.   HUMPHREY- ALLEN, Soprano 

MRS.  ANNIE  HARTDEGEN, Soprano 

MRS.   BELLE   COLE Contralto 

MR.   FRED.   HARVEY, Tenor 

MR.  PRANZ  REMMERTZ, BaSB0 

—   AND    — 

MADAME  JULIE  RIVE-KING, Solo  Pianist 

The  sale  of  SINGLE  CONCERT  tickets  will  begin  on 

Monday      Next, 

At  9  o'clock  A   M.,  at  the  music  stores  of  M.  Gray, 

Kohler  &  Chase,  and  Sherman  &  Clay  ;  also, 

at  the  White  House, 

FOR        BOXES        ONLY. 


PRICES: 

RESERVED  SEATS  (single  concerts) SI,  S2  and  S3 

(according  to  location), 
BOX  SEATS  (single  concerts) S3,  S4  and  S3 

(according  to  location). 


Orders  by  mail,  telegraph  or  telephone,  to  any  of  the 
above-mentioned  ticket  offices  will  receive  prompt  and 
careful  attention. 

DECKER  BROS  PIANOS  used  at  Thomas'  Concerts. 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS  Ea^&SSS 


L.  R.  ELLERT  &  CO, 

Dru^ists. 

The  attention  of  our  readers  is  invited  to  that  elegant 
little  Pharmacy  at  the  corner  of  California  and  Kearny 
streets,  formerly  owned  by  Painter  &  Vreeland. 

Messrs.  ELLERT  &  CO.,  who  have  lately  succeeded 
them,  have  had  an  extended  experience  as  Pharmacists, 
and  with  a  full  supply  of  fresh  Drugs,  Perfumery,  fine 
Toilet  Articles  and  everything  requisite  for  a  well  ap- 
pointed Drug  Store,  they  feel  confident  that  they  can 
offer  suitable  inducements  to  the  public  as  will  make  it  to 
their  interest  to  give  them  a  call.  Their  Prescription  De- 
partment is  made  a  specialty,  and  as  they  do  not  pay  a 
percentage  to  Physicians,  those  who  are  compelled  to 
have  prescriptions  filled  are  assured  that  only  a  reason- 
able price  will  be  charged  for  the  same.  If  you  need 
anything  in  their  line,  give  them  a  call  and  you  may  be 
assured  of  prompt  and  courteous  attention. 


VIGO   BAY  TREASURE   COMPANY. 


CAPITAL,    5800,000 


DIUECTORS: 

OLIVER  ELDRIDGE,  President. 

JOHST  H.  REDINGTON,  Treasurer. 

H.  F.  TESCHEMACHER.  Wm.  NORRIS. 

Chief  Engineer-COL.  JOHN  E.  GOWEN. 

Attorney-JOHN  T.  DOYLE. 

Applications  for  shares  or  descriptive  pamphlets  can  be 
made  to  David  Wilder,  Secretary,  Room  21,  Safe  De- 
posit Building,  328  Montgomery  Street. 


AMUSEMENTS. 

Baldwin    Theater. 

GUSTAVE  FKOHMAN Lessee 

Saturday   Ev'g,   June  2d, 

And  SATURDAY  MATINEE, 

Positively  last  appearance  in  San  Francisco  and 
Benefit  of 

MOD JE SKA 

To-day's  Matinee — 

o  .a_  im:  jr^L  l  :e  i 

This  evening  and  Benefit — 

ROMEO   AND    JULIET. 
Emerson's  Standard  Theater. 

Wm.   Emerson, Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

EVERY      EVENING       AND       SATURDAY      MATINEE. 

EMERSON'S     MINSTRELS. 

Our      Star      Company 

—     IN     A      — 

GREAT     P  ROGRAMME . 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Balcony 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve.     Telephone,  5094. 

Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Bbob Proprietors  and  Managers 

First  week  aod  unbounded  auccess  of  Gounod's 
Grand  Lyric  Drama,  in  Seven  Tableaux. 

IE1     _A_     IT     S      T      . 

Elegant  Costumes,  enlarged  Chorus  and  Orchestra  and 
a  powerful  cast. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP   CO. 

:i  Broadway 
laco,  for  ports  in  California,  Ore- 
Idaho  Tonifeorii 

■ 

i  ;illfi.rnl:i    smilliirn    F«4U|    Knutr.     The  Steal) 

ZABA   and    ANO  ■ '      ■ 

i  ^  follows : 

and  25th 

Wednesday  at  S  a.  m.  for  S  mcon.  Cay- 

neos,  Sat. 

ran  tun. 

British    Colombia    and     Uaslt*    Rente. 
IDAHO,  -    from   Portland.  Oregon, 

oooraboul  I  month,  for  P  i  H  .  T..  Vic- 

toria, and  Nanaimo,  V.   C 

Alaska,  k  ind    Paget 

Sound,      Steamer  leaving  on  the  but  Fridaj  of  the 

same  month. 

Victoria  and  Pnect  Sound  Itonle.  rsGEO.  w 

ELDER  ind  DAK  md  United 

States    mails,    sail    from    Broadway    Wharf,    San     Francisco,    at 

*2  p.     *..    v\rry     Friday*     foi    victoria,    B.    C,    Port   Towns- 

iU  ihu  >  'in    and    ■ 

»tB,etC,    for    Skagit    River    :u 
[few  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant point-.     Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
p.    m.  ,    every  Friday,  and  Victoria  (Esquioaault)  at  11   a    m., 
every  Saturday. 
Vote.  -Out  Steamei   VICTORIA  sails  for  New  Westminster  and 
1,  as  per  advertisements  in  the  San 
Alta  or  Gctdr. 

Portland,  Oregon.  Route.— The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  Ql" KKN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the  Doited  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co.'s 
Exprcv.  Sailing  day*  Maj  3d,  6th,  9th,  12th,  I5th,  18th,  81st, 
tnd  ever}    foil  for  Portland  and 

Astoria,   I 

Eureka  and  ITnmlioldt  Bay  Route.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANT1NE  Bails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  m. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  Ri\cr  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established  -  -  -  .  .  ism 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  for  Ten  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES     ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

945     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  20  per  cent.   Lower  than  any  other  Uonse  on 

the    Coast. 

t&  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "SI 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  .  "  350,000 
Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,  —      -      "  141,000 
Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 
E.  D.  FARNSWORTH  &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BEITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &.  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  OAL. 


Morris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  Xi  Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE  GALLERY. 


THE       SCENIC       LINE. 

SOUTH  PACIFUT  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,    Alameda,    Newark,   Ban    Jo*e,   Loa  fSatoa, 
Glenwood,  rviion.  Big  Trees  ami  Santa  <ru/. 

■piCTURESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
-1-  y  i  ■  shorter  tc 

santa  CRUZ  than  anj  other  route,     .n 
Equipment  and  i  -      PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 

station,  foot  of  Market  ■■■;.  m,  at 

8a on  A- "•■ ,|;iih  i u  ■  ■ 
■OU  sells.  Ut  Eden,    alvando,    Sails,   Ne«    ■ 

I  os  Gatos, 
FeltOD  BigTrees 
ami  santa  ciu  z,  arriving  IS  U.      IVrlorear 

20Qfl  P.  M.  (Sund  ■    Mvarado, 

■OU    Newark,  CenterviUe,  a  lara,  SAN 

JOSE.  Loa  Gates  and  every  station  to  SANTA  t'Kl'Z.  arriving 
6:15  P.  M     Par]  »  car. 

4 .On  p-  M-  £Snn*iy8  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE,  Lo*  < 
•  OU  Intermediate  stations. 

innect  with  all  trains  for  CONGRESS  - 
Gates.     Throngh  fan-,  >l  60.     Round  trip,  $4  25. 

All  Sundays,  \  Special  Passenger  Train  LeavesSanJose 

UN      at  6:28  p.  at.,  arriving  at  sun  Fr 

<l»r  EXCURSIONS   TO   SANTA   CRUZ  AND    $2.50  TO  SAN 

ij)0  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

OQ  Bxeorslons  to    niG  TREES  or  santa   CRUZ,  bvebtt 

<Fu       Sunday,   s::>0  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    AXAMEDA. 

§630—  7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  «I12:30-1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 4:30— 5:30— 6:30— 730— 10:30  and  11:85  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  unci  Webster  streets,  Oakland— 35:57 
—§6:57— 7:57— S:52—  9:52— 10:52— *[11:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52— 4:52— 5:52— 6:52— 10-52- 11-52.  At  7*52  P.  M.,  daily,  for 
Alameda,  Sundaj  b,  only  to  San  Frai 

From  High  street,  Alaineda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:35-935 
—10:35—111:35  A.  M.  12:35-1:35-2:35-3:35-4:35-5:35-0:35 
— 10:35     1T35  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     %  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  I'nivcrsity,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  bv  any  otiicr  route.     Trv  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  828  Montgomery  street, 
S.  F.  ;  Twelfth  and  Webster,  Oakland  ;  Park  street,  Alameda 
A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

Maj  15th.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  >s  P.  Agt. 

D?  THOMAS   HALL'S 


atfiR' 

ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

A  deli^htiulj  appetiser,  Hiving  tone  ami  »ln  ngt* 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medict;l  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  Sao 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

itSTForsale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES'  drugstore,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR    UNIQUE   AND  vai;i    I  H    RIVER 

ma  of  the  PacMk 

■ 

1  D  Hi.   I  olmnhla      i  t..n.  Walla 

untry,  Snake  Rivet   Points,  and 

I  i»  itae  Fend  aVOreille  DlvLUon  -To  aim 

Falls,  Lake   Pond  d'Oreille,  and  all  points  in 
Northern  Idaho  and  Mont  " 

1 1.  Hi<    Willamette   Valley— Tc  Oregon 
the  beautiful  eountrv  of  Southern  Oregon  ; 

Down  tne  Colnmbla— Throngfa  thi 

ry  to  Astoria  and  Intel-mediate  Points. 
0\cr  to  Page!  SiiuikI    ToTaoona  ittle,  Port 

rivaled  tor 
ite  delight! 


$5  to  $20 


per  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 
Address  Stissos  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dally  Stages  connect  with  •>  Division, 

direct  for  Hi-soulu  and  .  pointa 

JOHN       MUIR, 

8up*t  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Fran.cl.seo  oDlce— 814  Montsomery  St. 


1863.     Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The   most    complicated  cases  of   defective  vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

ryAT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE. ^1 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  s  Commission 

MERCHANT  S. 

...AGENTS    FOE.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


620     Market     Street, 

BURR  &  FINK,  Merchant    Tailors. 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


X 


OLtff- 


■-:■,...:----  -..'.t.-J.-.  :.■■■'.  '-"■'  ■'.-■-- CT-V  r '"  "T 


■MM 

BIT  OF  ALAMEDA 


ry  "OUR  UTTUS beauties 


CICVRET  fi  >.    """Fragrant  and  Sweet.       Mnnunirtnrer>.  Bifhmon.i.   t«. 


fe  ICOI/L  fgl  H  K  JAILOR 

B  POPULAR     PRICES!  POPULAR    TAILOR!      I 

M\   LARGE     STOCK!  Men's  and  Boys' 

13        choice  woolen  Rsady-Made   Chthing.  _B 


IVen's    Furnishing     Coods. 


Rsady-Made  Chthing.  _  ~  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

"Sables  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.         816  &  *    8  Market  Street,  Sail  FraueisCO. 


o 

o 


o 


SUBZEZRI^JNT    BALSAM 

'CURES  Catarrh.  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold-,  Atten- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

MONTGOMERY    STREET. For  Hille  by  all  l>nigs'»'«. 


DEPOT.    415 

tar  Ask    For 

illows  Deer 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BBEWERY 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  10th  Sts.,  San  Francisco 


Be 


ATKINS    M ASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

successor  to 

MASSEY     S     YUNG, 

No.    651    SACRAMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.      San  Francisco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior    in 

QUALITY, 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Creai  Tartar  and  Bi-CarU. 
NOTHING  ELSE 

MonlklCo. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 

AN 
Extraordinary     Razor 

CTAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  ^TEES-SI 
JCX  own  CO  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QUKE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever 'etting  It 
Jhdes  over  the  lace  like  a  P'=«  "VrEATITO  I 
shaving  quite  a  luxury-  .It  J?  CB  „"„„  »ht 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in.  *«I"gBI(J 
evrarts  who  pronounce  it  PERFlA/llU". 
TwSdolC  in  Buffalo  handle;  * I  »■  «<g; 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSKPB, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  placem 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  0.  I). 

The  Q.ucen'8  Own  tomp™J  tons  en 
larged  their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IV0RYCARV1NG  KNITESTABLE  and  POCKET 
KWIVFS  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  01 
the  S  quSty  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 

-nANICHEFTT 

1  -i--'  Kid  Gloves  -*" 

ALWAYS   GIVE    SATISFACTION  j 

Factory,  M9  Dupont  Street, 

r-Ai,  i  ""' ■  San  Francisco 

Bet  Geary  and  Post '.II^^^mt-^—^—^ 

OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.    SPRECKELS    &    BRO'S, 
337     Market    Street, 

OWNEBS   OP 

Spreckels'Line   of   Packets 

Paefcages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu 


Kollll.lt  «*  cnASE,  is:  lo  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
I  in<  lllit  anil  the  EMERSON  Pianos.. 

Cash  or  installmenta.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast.    ___^^_^^^M^^^^ 

H.  R.  WlLLLAR,  JE.  A.  CARLISLE. 

A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Fbanoisoo. 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

BAKERY    AND    CONFECTIONERY, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Dcweesc,  Jr., 

San  Francisco. 

II.    Moore, 

0  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.    IS.    Iltllil, 

San  Francisco. 


fuiiiiul  Paid  Up 
Reserve  II.  S.  Bonds 


$3,000,000 
i,  500,000 


Prentiss  Seuby,  Sup't 

Selby   Smelting 


H.  B.  Underbill,  jR.,Sec'y. 

and    Lead    Co. 

wilTp^  Lead?  iolder,  Antl-Frlctlon  Metal,  Lead 
lead  Pipe,  S  lect  Lead,  Shot,  B?r-I^d,Bit,kTlm.  Pipe,  Blue  Slone,  Etc.     -  , 
lean  i-ip  ,  gaU  Welghls,  Lead  Traps,  BiocK  tin,      v  gaji    Francisco. 

OFFICE,    416    MONTGOMERY    »t"^''  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased 

Ke&nors  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion. 

ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 

TTTTE     ROSE    FLOTJIR 

MANUFACTURED    BIT    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

S3-  See  loeal  notice  In  another  column, 


Agency  at  New  York 68  Wall  street 

'  Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. iBBues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  faculties  for  dealing  in 
Bullion^^ ^mMi 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE  AGENTS  FOR 

"COLD  DUST"   WHISKEY 

413    Clay    Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 

CWckering  &  Sons.Boston  j  Blnthner.Leipng  j 
«'.  £  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechten, 
Berlin.  _H    nF..r 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  SAN  FRANOISCO. 


o 

cS 
Sd 
W 

lo 
> 

w 


B  W 

P-  o 

It 

ft 


p-or.p 


PCEISTTTJOKY       WHISKEY.-a 


|@»CIMMOND'S 

tj        „„nu.Miininn«in"«",M"*,,,,,u' 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUB 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


-WDEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FHANUiatA*^ 


J.  J.  Palmer.  TuBmmBB. 

PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  orPrlntlng  af>d  Lithographing 

PEESSBS 

makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Warerooins,  405  AH07  SansomeSL  S.  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

BU00EBSOBS    TO 

Craig   and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  State. 
AU  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  3047. 


^Ight  to  Honolulu.       I  WDEPOT,  428  AND^l  -».  .^. 

DMNaTt^LKOILWAUKEEJEER. 


CO 

en 

CD 

x/i 

c-r- 

CD 
CD 


l^FHARDWOODnTUM  B  E  R . 


.    John    Wiffmore,     "^H 

129    to    141    SPEAR    STREET,    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


DOANE&  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House--132  Kearny  St.,suu,j 


THE  UNIVERSAL 

BENEVOLENT  ASSOCIA- 
TION of  California  for  Un- 
married Persons. 

OFFICE,  1038  MISSION   STREET. 


NO   CURE,     NO    PAY  ! 

DR.MacLENN AN,  Vital  Cure,  224  Kearny  st. 
Consultation  Free.  For  the  thorough  treatment 
and  quick  cure  of  all  curable  diseases  without  the  use 
of  poisonous  drugs,  painful  surgery  or  dangerous 
treatment  The  most  hopeless  cases  taken  and  cured 
after  all  other  means  have  failed.  $1,000  will  be 
given  for  any  of  our  published  testimonials  that  are 
not  genuine, 

Hon.  E.  C.  MABSHALL,  Attorney-General  for  Cal- 
ifornia, cured  by  Dr.  MacLennan  of  nervous  prostra- 
tion in  a  few  treatments. 

J  Hon.    CHAS.   CROCKER,    "  the  railroad  million- 
aire," cured  of  Rheumatism  in  three  treatments. 

Professorr  D.  GONZALIZ  was  given  up  by  his  phy- 
sician to  die  of  sapped,  vitality  and  paralysis  ;  was 
carried  perfectly  helpless  to  Dr.  MacLennan  and  cur- 
ed, now  says—"  In  lessthan  one  month  I  was  enabled 
to  resume  my  occupation  as  Professor  of  Music  and 
violinist  at  the  Tivoli  Opera  House,  and  ever  since  (for 
over  a  year)  have  continued  in  good  health,  without 
tiie  slightest  return  of  my  weakness  or  disease." 

Dr.  J.  WILMHURST,  M.  D„  M.  R  C.  S.,  now  at 
Abbotsford  House,  says — "  My  hearing  is  completely 
restored  by  Dr.  MacLennan's  manipulation  alone." 

Rev.  A.  C.  GILES,  Mendocino,  CaL.says— "  The 
effect  which  your  treatment  had  upon  me  is  truly 
wonderful.     Altogether  I  feel  like  a  new  man." 

Miss  EMMA  JAMES,  San  Leandro,  Cftl.,  for  six 
years  a  crippled  invalid,  unable  to  stand  or  walk  ; 
given  up  by  over  a  dozen  doctors  ;  took  two  weeks' 
treatment  of  Dr.  MacLennan  and  recovered. 

Mr.  A  WALWORTH,  capitalist,  Nevada  City,  came 
to  Dr.  MacLennan  on  two  crutches  and  returned  home 
in  eight  days  without  them 

Mr.  J.  S.  BURLINGAME  left  Eureka,  Nev.,  on  a 
stretcher.  After  taking  a  few  treatments  of  Dr.  Mac- 
Lennan he  returned  home  a  well  man. 

And  over  7,000  others,  which  will  be  sent  free  to 
any  address,  or  upon  application  at  the  office  of  the 
VITAL  CURE,  224  Kearny  St.  No  charges 
made  unless  a  care  is  effected. 

DR.  J.  D.  >IaeLE\  VV\, 

Consulting  Physician.      [ 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION. 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whoopir  g  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 


VALENTINE    II ASSMER,    933  Washington  SI:,  cor.  Powell,  8.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    SITTEK     STREET San    Franclwo,   CaU 


GUNPOWDER. 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

330  CALIFORNIA  STREET San  Francisco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Box,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Compaaj 


flBEMil 


OF    CALIFOKNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME  OFFICE: 
S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President 
Witt.  J.  Dutton,  Secretary. 

E.  \V.  Cabpkntee,  Assistant  Secretary 


0.  L  HBTOHJUSON.  H.  B.  MAMU. 

Hutchinson   &.   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGENCY, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome'Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  REPRESENTED (33,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Olark,  Speolal  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE  and  ~v^^^'  MARINE. 

415  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    i       ;       ;    9300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vlce-Pres.;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I.  Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustavo  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McEinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E.  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  8.  F. 


ST     "P^^I\lT*R^?0^^^^^,      Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks,  OlO    O'TPA  RTJIilT  T.   QT1       N«r   Powell, 

,  J.    rJhl3a.DS\,\JIi.Ili,  Fine  Fans  and  Art  Brlc-a-Brac  repaired,    ^l^   \J  T  H.JXS\£i1j1j   OX.,   san  Francisco. 

"The    Baldwin." 


This  Hotel  was  conpletii  and 
opened  in  May,  1877,  and  is  con- 
ducted on  the  American, Plan. 

Over  $3,500,000  having  been  ex- 
pended by  Mr.  Baldwin  in  its  con- 
struction and  furnishing. 

The  Baldwin  is  the  most  ele- 
gantly appoints..  Hitsl  in  the 
world. 


Situated  on  Market  Street,  at 
the  h  teiKtt:Vnof  To^el]  and  Ec'riy 
Streets,  and  fronting  on  four  prin- 
cipal streets  in  the  business  center, 
it  is  convenient  of  access  to  and 
from  all  quarters  of  the  City. 
Eight  lines  of  Street  Cars  pass  its 
doors. 

Betel  CcEchts  ar.d  Caniages  in 
■waitirg  at  all  irtc.n  er  ar.d  Taihvay 
Depots. 


The  Leading  Hotel  of  San  Francisco,  California. 


TOURISTS'        HEADQUARTERS. 


Speelal  Accommodations  for  Families  and  Large  Parties. 


Prices  the  same  as  at  of  lier  First.elass  Hotels— .$2  50   to   $5  per  day. 


H.  H.  PEARSON,  Proprietor, 


BRUSH    HARDENBURGH,    Chief   Clerk,  ) 
M.    A.    FRENCH,    CashIer.  f 


Formerly  Proprietor  of  "  The  Cosmopolitan,"  San  Francisco. 


*n^*     «^t      ^v    ^s 


>k 


VOL.  X. 


SAN   FRANCISCO,  JUNE   9,    1»83. 


No.  358, 


ROEDERER 

nampagne. 

Regular  Invokes  received  direct   (rem    l!r.    loath  Rofderer,  Reims,  over  hie  signature  and 
Consular  Invoice.;   Before  purchasing,  see  that  each  case  and  bottle  bears  our  name. 


FOR 

3REAKFAST 

AKD 

Lunch 

Oo  to  the 
i  ew    England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

alifornla  St. 


THE  CELEBRATED 

HAMPAGNE  WINES 

lexers.  Denlz  &  Oeldermao  Ay,  it  Champagne- 


CACHET    BLANC-  Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     tCtEV      SEAL, 
Id  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

IORDEAI7X   SED   AND   WHITE    WINE*. 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Ltize  &  FUs. 

HOCK      WINES. 

In  cat**  from  O.  M.  Pabetrnann  Sohn,  Mainz. 

larles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314       SACRAMENTO       STREET. 


'Give  thy  am  a  literal  education." 


CHAMBERLAIN  &  BOBINSON 

PHOPniETons. 


ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 
QLLEGE. 


aaoaiu, 


»"SEND  FOR  CIRCULARS 


Leopold   Bro's 
LOEIST 

*      85  POST  STREET,  below  Kearn, 
Bouquets  Baskets, 'Wreaths,  Crosses 


s 


^MOATi 

Street. 


hotop;rapher, 


LEN   WTGARYACO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

IQUOR    MERCHANTS, 

[822  and  324  FRONT  STREET, 

Ml  FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 


SCOFLELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

lipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  S     Front     Street, 

—  amo 

Hiamento,  Stockton  and  Los  Angeles 


MACONDRAY  &  CO  ,  Sole  Agents  tor  the  Pacific  Court. 


donald    McMillan, 

Manufacturer  and  Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS. 

ESSENCES,   CALIFORNIA   WINES,   Bra, 
114    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


"White  House"  Whiskies, 

LXEPHAVT     HOLLAND     «fjf, 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

POST,     SHKERT,     Etc. 

In  bond  or  duty  paid. 

GEORGE       STEVENS, 

318    Front     Street,    Boom    3,     Kim    Franelneo 


B 


0-       D    R 


N     K        .f ' 


ETHESDA 

^".ATIEIR. 

Al.tVCY,  418  SACRAMENTO   ST..   H.  F. 

For  sale  at  all  nrst-chsa  8ALOON8. 


Merchant  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DXTPOKT. 
San   Francisco,  Cal. 

J.  Schwartz.  Sol.  Shipper. 


Jakes  Shea.          A   BocquBBAz.          R.    McKex 

E 

.     MARTIN     &    Co., 

SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  Deals  s. 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Fine 

"  MILTON    J.    1IA11DY," 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

and   "  HILLEB-s   i:\tiu  " 

Corner  Front  and  Jackson    street-, 

'Old     Bourbon     WhlRkles.1 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

408    FRON 

S  C  IK  LIT  Z  " 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


RICHARDS    &    HARRISON, 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
K.  W.  Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO    Streets    San    Erancfheo.  


k 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonic  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


IIANOi 

I   First  Class, 
Medium  Price,! 

FULL    VALUE 

FOB   TOUR  MONEY 


Hazelton  Bros 

HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 

A-iM.  BENHAM, 

CHAS."  S.  EATON. 
735     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  0.  Conrad  &  Go's 

fcBUDWEISER  BEERe) 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Cal. 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


Jiper  Heidsieck 

1     CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents, 

814  California  St.,  Han  Frnncineo,  Cal. 


"Excelsior!"       "Excelsior  I" 

O.     Z  I  N  1ST  S  , 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  (Manonle  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

951  oolton  tm 

DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  speciahgts  tor  extracting  teeth  without  pain.) 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building, 

BOOMS    (t,    8    and      10. 

Entrance,  80o  Market  street. 

Dr.  cn.ta   n.   DECKER,  Dentist. 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor    of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

320    CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in-  Washington!    London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


Houseworth  *s 
Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  of  Execllcnee, 
12      MONTGOMERV       STREET. 


The 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Prize     Boot     aud     Shoe     Hahcr, 


t3T  Reeelved  nword9  of  CAULFOBNIA 
STATE  A«;RI<  IXTl'RAL  SOCIETIf ;  also, 
MECHANICS'  OiSTTrTTE,  for  the  Best  Wort, 
manshlp. 


!  MEUSSDORFFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  ST* LBS.  H 


.  E.  Corner  BUSH  and  MONTGOMERY  Sts. 
and  404  KEARNY  Street. 


BUY   YOUR    SHIRTS    AMD   UNDERWEAR  OF  CftBMflNY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


COAL 


and 


PIG  IRON. 

J.    MacDONOUGH    &    Co., 

Importers  and  dealers  in  all  kinds  of  Coal 
and   Pig  Iron 

41    MARKET   STREET, 

(Corner  Spear.)  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  MaoUonouoh. 


J.  C.  Wilson. 


SAULM  ANN'  £3 

Restaurant   and    Coffee   Saloon, 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  ban  Franeiaio. 
Freeh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  BTTtiSlAN  CAV- 
IAR and  " 
Sausages. 


WESTPHALIA    HAMS        German 
A.  RErSCHE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

OKV  ItlONoFOLE  (extra), 

L.  UOKDEBUlt  (sweet  and  dry), 
Hoi:  I  A   CHANUvN, 

VEUVE    t'Lll.tjl'OT, 

For  sale  by    A.      VIGNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYK    WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
US'  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

6SS  Market  Street,  Palace  Motel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  Sao  Francisco. 
Ladies'  &  Gents'  suns,  Gioves,  Shoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc.,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
C11AS.  J.  WHfUiEs.  Prop. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH 

(Oculist.) 


M.     O., 


■ClORMgRLY  AT  No.  31S  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
^  removed  to  Phelan's  Building,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  p.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Nos.  114  and  116  market  street, 
'   Nos.  11  and  13  California  street. 

SAN    FRANCIS60. 

R.  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.     W.  N.  Miller,  Supt 
I>.  A.  Hl('I)o\.iU>,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,  Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

811  to  225  Spear  Rt..  218  to  236  Stuart  St. 

San  Francisco,  Cal. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

econd  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BBEWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOTTCS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


-    Proprietor 


w 

§  §  Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 


oiters  B rot h e rs &. Oo  FRA--ic]800 lune&i.  henr?ca&anova 

F.DANERI&Co., 

Dealers  in 
WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

21  and  29  California  Street, 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisco       I  Bet.  Davis  and  Drumm,    -     -   SAN  FRANCISCO 

CAN  pRANCISCOQTOGK  DSEWERY, 
Capital  Stock 


©200,000. 

?    ?    p    ?    ?    ?    p 

OUR  LAGER  BEER  BREW- 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN   ANY  CLIMATE. 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OB  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


+ 


iaipape 


DRY  AND  EXTRA  DRY 


®g&oA  jqwm Aj  8f  (jo> 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  ALL  FRENCH  CHAMPAGNES. 

THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F.CAL. 

BtyNone  Genuine  unless  bearinpr  our  name  on  Lnbel  and  C«rk  jg| 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON     THB 

EUROPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    FirstnJass  Restaurant 

THE   HANDSOMEST  D1MNG-R00M 

In  the  World. 
Wm.   F.  UABKISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW   NtJHAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,      SAN  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WTLLIAM3,  DlitfGND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MARKET  AND  PINE  STREETS 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOR  PACIFIC  MAIL  S.  B.  CO.; 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Ou- 
nard  Royal  Mail  8  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line 
the  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  f  Limited  )': 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald 
win  Locomotive  Work*;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Oo. 
Nicti.  Ashton  h  Sou'h  Salt.' 


£tfJFAN£)££ 


KOHLER  &  FROHLING 

i? 626  fWONTGQMERY-.ST.  8„S£.C0R.  SUTTER & DUPQNLSIk- .*» 


-IS:""  ■■-" 


EQ- 


*L      P.    OEGcN       Mairpp    op 


Waiei  JrToot  Leather  Belting. 

128  -130    FIRST   ST..    San  Franclsc 


A.  FINKE'S   WIDOW 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 


OHAMPAGN  C 
Pure,  delicious  and  healthful         i 
809   NOYTUOHEKT  St..  San    Francisco. 

H.    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TANNED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    S1AB1LET     STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont!  San  Franchoo. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 

GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Hay,  Grain  and  rommlwtlon  Mer- 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 

Bonestell,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS   OF 

P     A     P     E      B 


OP    ALL    KINDS. 


413  and  415  Sansome  St. 


^^^nl 


Drink 


BOCA 

Beer 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  the   Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

Sah  Fbanoisco. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eighth  and  Ifranunu  streets. 

0LAD8  BPRE0EEL8 President 

3.  D.  8P.RE0KEL8    Vlce-Preident 

A.  B.  8PRE0KEL8  ..-. Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAW    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  ADOLPHE  LOW,  President 
Office—  208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


SkTRADE 


■^-STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING. 


A.    O.    COOK    &.    SON, 

415    HAKKJBT    STREET,    S.    F. 


^OL.  10. 


X?358 


£A/?&7f/>  /?rr//f  /><7srWf/££/?rsM/v?/>/yf/scc>.CA>.  /?av?  jm/rw  /V/f  r^/yswss/OM  T7//[0VGf/  tW£  <*//?/{£■  /97~  Ssco/Yff  atss  rfrfrss 


A   N 


INTERNATIONAL 


EPISODE 


THE     WASP 


SERENADE, 


Lad}'  mine, 
'Tis  thy  lover  who  calls  on  thy  name  ; 

Lady  mine, 
With  the  sunset  the  water's  aflame, 
There's  no  guard  to  keep  watch  on  the  gate, 
For  thee  doth  my  gondola  wait ; 
Let  us  float  with  the  tide  to  the  deep  ; 
On  a  cradle  of  waves  shalt  thou  sleep. 

Come  away. 
For  the  sunset  is  dying  apace  ; 

Come  away. 
For  here  by  my  side  is  thy  place. 

As  we  float 
And  the  twilight  grows  ever  more  gray, 

As  we  float- 
'Mid  the  beautiful  death  of  the  day, 
There's  a  light  that  I  see  in  thine  eyes, 
Like  to  that  of  the  morn  that  shall  rise, 
When  safely  all  danger  we've  passed, 
And  I  call  thee  mine  own  one  at  last. 

Row  apace. 
For  the  moonlight  shines  faint  on  the  tide  ; 

Row  apace. 
For  the  morning  must  break  on  my  bride. 

—  Walter  Pollack. 


LITTLE     LARRY, 


The    Story    of    a    Boy    the     Rose    in    Life. 


Ever  and  ever  so  many  years  ago  there  was  a 
little  boy.  You  will  naturally  assume  that,  at 
about  the  same  time,  there  were  many  other  little 
boys  ;  but  it  appears  not.  There  had  been  a  sharp 
frost  some  few  winters  before,  and  it  had  killed 
them  all  off.  When  man  cometh  up  as  a  flower  he 
takes  his  chance  with  the  other  flowers,  and  in  a 
severe  winter  the  chance  is  against  him.  Still,  as 
the  frost  in  question  had  occurred  several  yearB 
before  the  time  of  which  I  speak,  it  might  very 
reasonably  be  supposed  that  other  little  boys  had 
sprung  up  in  the  interval,  but  they  had  not.  I 
suspect  they  were  waiting  to  see  how  the  weather 
would  turn  out. 

So  it  happened  that  little  Larry  had  no  one  to 
help  him  play— to  aid  and  abet  him  in  tracking-in 
mud  on  the  parlor  carpet  ;  to  hand  him  down  the 
gallipots  of  jam  ;  to  hold  the  cat  while  he  rubbed 
soap  into  her  eyes  ;  to  hammer  the  furniture  while 
he  smashed  the  glassware — to  make  existence  less 
burdensome  generally  ;  to  pass  the  time.  True, 
in  all  these  varions  interests  he  might  have  com- 
pelled the  assistance  of  the  little  girls  ;  but,  aside 
from  his  aversion  to  enforced  labor,  there  were  no 
little  girls  in  the  world.  They  had  all  gone  to 
Sacramento. 

One  day  in  his  lonliness  Larry  went  out  into  the 
kitchen  garden,  and  lying  down  on  the  leaf  of  a 
pumpkin- vine  fell  into  dejected  meditation  on  the 
vanity  of  human  life.  In  about  five  minutes  he 
had  exhausted  the  subject  and  gone  to  sleep.  As 
he  lay  there,  unconscious,  a  malicious  old  man 
passed  that  way,  and  happening  to  remember  the 
eye  he  had  lost  in  one  of  Larry's  games  of  tip-cat, 
took  a  large  forkfull  of  of  rich  compost,  and  spread 
it  with  fiendish  copiousness  about  the  root  of  the 
vine,  which  immediately  began  growing  with  sur- 
prising rapidity.  When  Larry  woke  he  was  glid- 
ing through  unfamiliar  scenes,  past  marvellous 
towns,  and  across  unexampled  rivers.  And  he 
hadn't  any  ticket  !  His  first  impulse  was  to  jump 
off,  but  he  reflected  that  if  he  did  he  would  break 
both  legs,  and  be  shot  to  keep  him  from  bringing 
an  action  against  the  company.  Then  he  sought 
the  bell-cord,  and  not  finding  it,  put  his  head  over 
the  edge  of  the  speeding  leaf,  and  shouted  for  the 
conductor  ;  but  that  official  did  not  seem  to  be 
about.     So  he  went  to  sleep  again. 

Presently  there  was  an  awful  crash  ;  the  vine  he 
was  on  had  come  into  collision  with  a  freight  vine, 
on  a  level  crossing.  Larry  rose  into  the  sky.  How 
long  he  continued  to  rise  he  never  knew.  He  had 
no  means  of  numbering  the  days,  for  it  was  always 
•  high  noon.  He  could  see  the  earth  spinning  be- 
neath, but  so  rapidly  that  he  could  detect  no 
marks  on  its  surface  ;  and  at  last  it  was  altogether 
out  of  sight,  or  seen  only  as  a  shining  point.  Find- 
ing himself  booked  for  so  long  a  journey,  Larry 
began  to  fear  he  had  been  killed  in  the  collision, 
and  felt  very  bad  about  it  ;  but  the  direction  in 
which  he  was  travelling  gave  him  some  comfort,  at 
any  rate.     He  reasoned — very  wisely  for  one  of  his 


years — that  death  was  a  bad  bargain,  but  an  up- 
ward tendency  afterwards  was  making  the  best  of 
it  ;  and  he  never  for  a  moment  duubted  that  he 
should  soon  arrive  at  a  place  where  there  were 
square  leagues  of  parlor  carpet— real  Axminster — 
contiguous  to  whole  continents  of  adhesive  mud  ; 
countless  gallipots  of  jam  conveniently  arranged  on 
accessible  shelves  ;  myriads  of  wide-eyed  cats  and 
oceans  of  correlative  soap  ;  costly  furniture  of 
mirror-like  polish,  with  hammers  for  its  abrasion  ; 
stacks  and  stacks  of  fragile  glassware  poised  criti- 
cally upon  boards  that  could  be  tilted  with  a  breath 
— everything  that  the  disembodied  soul  of  a  good 
little  boy  could  require  for  its  eternal  felicity  !  En- 
chanted with  the  prospect,  Larry  began  rather  to 
hope  he  was  dead,  when  suddenly  it  began  to  thun- 
der, and  fearing  there  might  be  a  rain  storm,  he 
ran  under  the  branches  of  a  tree  for  shelter. 

Very  soon  the  storm  burst  upon  him  in  all  its 
fury,  and  some  of  the  fury  belonging  properly  to 
other  storms.  The  thunder  roared,  that  is,  you 
know,  the  roaring  was  the  thunder.  As  to  light- 
ning, I  can't  do  justice  to  the  subject  ;  it  lightened 
everywhere  and  all  the  time  ;  and  there  was  a  lot 
of  reserve  lightning  that  could't  get  the  ghost  of  a 
chance  to  display  its  quality,  but  Larry  made 
allowance  for  this.  He  was  a  liberal  youth.  It 
rained  cats  and  dogs  ;  he  had  no  soap  for  the  eyes 
of  the  cats,  and  the  dogs  bit  him  no  end. 

All  at  once  the  thunder,  having  nothing  more  to 
say,  shut  up  ;  the  lightning  went  away  to  bother 
the  telegraph  operators  ;  the  dogs  ate  the  cats  and 
scampered  off  to  look  for  tin  pans  to  tie  to  their 
own  tails,  and  all  was  silent  as  the  grave.  Not  a 
hush  disturbed  the  profound  stillness.  It  was 
growing  dark,  too. 

Then  Larry  heard  the  tramp  of  great  feet,  and  a 
giant  as  high  as  the  spire  of  a  church  passed  by, 
looking  neither  to  the  right  nor  the  left,  but  say- 
ing, with  measured  solemnity  : 

"  This  is  the  way  to  Frisco  town  ; 
I'll  visit  that  city  and  pull  it  all  down." 

Then  came  a  stoopy  dwarf  with  a  natural  knap- 
sack, and  covered  with  hair  from  head  to  foot,  who 
squeaked  : 

"  This  is  the  way  to  Frisco  town  ; 
I'll  spit  on  the  people — they  all  shall  drown." 

Next  passed  a  withered  and  wan  old  witch-wife, 
riding  a  broom-stick  in  the  same  direction,  and 
chanting  ; 

"  This  is  the  way  to  Frisco  town  ; 
I'll  carry  the  churches  off  under  my  gown." 

Last  came  a  beautiful  fairy,  clad  all  in  spangles, 
singing  ; 

"  This  is  the  way  to  Frisco  town  ; 
I'll  visit  the  people  and  turn  'em  all  brown." 

"  Well,  bless  my  eyes,"  said  little  Larry,  when 
all  the  hostiles  had  passed  on  their  several  warlike 
errands;  "there  are  more  disreputable  tramps 
and  Sandlotters  using  this  road  than  I  ever  saw  in 
all  my  life — you  can  bet  your  sweet  soul  there's 
going  to  be  a  speech  by  Dennis  Kearny." 

Nobody  being  in  sight  to  bet  his  sweet  soul,  lit- 
tle Larry,  perceiving  he  had  the  floor,  continued  : 

"  Such  selfish,  indolent  and  malicious  vagabonds 
are  the  natural  product,  as  they  are  the  lasting  re- 
proach, of  political  institutions  vicious  in  concep- 
tion and  mischievous  in  organization — institutions 
so  unrelated  in  origin,  diverse  in  character  and  an- 
tagonistic in  result  as  to  constitute  a  system  with- 
out coherence,  incapable  alike  of  interpretation 
and  improvement.  It  is  a  system  which,  by  means 
of  legislators  without  responsibility  and  judges 
without  incentive,  wrenches  from  the  thrifty  poor 
the  money  that  it  squanders  on  the  improvident 
rich  ;  thus,  on  the  one  hand,  stimulating  misery  to 
the  discontent  that  is  a  menace,  and,  on  the  other, 
lulling  luxury  to  the  apathy  that  is  a  crime.  It  be- 
gets poverty  in  the  many,  while  murdering  benev- 
olence in  the  few.  It  puts  thieves  in  high  place 
and  makes  obscurity  an  honorable  distinction.  It 
arms  the  hand  of  discontent  and  inflames  its  heart ; 
inspires  an  ambition  to  rule  in  those  who  know  not 
how  to  serve,  and  fritters  away  the  sense  of  civic 
responsibility  by  admitting  all  to  a  share  of  civic 
honor  ;  thus  cheapening  the  rewards  of  loyal  ser- 
vice, and  throwing  open  its  high  distinctions  to  the 
competition  of  the  fools  and  rogues  who  still  care 
for  them.  Under  this  brutal  and  offensive  form  of 
government  Liberty  dies,  leaving  her  name  alone  as 
a  heritage  ;    Crime  multiplies  his  energies  and  Dis- 


cord redoubles  her  clamors.  Injustice  wears  er- 
mine, Folly  the  toga  and  Treason  the  epaulette. 

"  Abolish  this  pernicious  system,"  continued  lit- 
tle Larry,  with  a  fine  flourish  of  the  right  hand — 
"  abolish  this  monstrous  and  unnatural  system  of 
misgovernment,  which  has  survived  its  founders 
only  to  ruin  their  descendants,  and  you  may  bid  a 
long  and  affectionate  farewell  to  all  such  abnormal 
political  excrescences  as  barbarous  giants,  angular 
witches,  idiotic  dwarfs  and  disgusting  fairies  !  " 

With  all  possible  deference  to  little  Larry's  judg- 
ment, I  submit  that  Democrats  and  Republicans 
would  still  remain.  A  reform  that  would  rid  us  of 
only  a  part  of  the  political  vermin  afflicting  the 
body  politic  is  hardly  worth  the  trouble  and  ex- 
pense of  a  special  election.  Jex, 


A     DARK     OUTLOOK, 


The  New  York  Sun  concludes  an  article  on  its 
celestial  namesake  in  the  following  rather  disquiet- 
ing way  :  Astronomers  have  come  to  recognize 
the  fact  that  space  abounds  in  dark  bodies,  many 
of  which  are  perhaps  burned-out  suns.  The  num- 
ber of  these  dark  bodies  has  been  estimated  to 
equal,  if  not  exceed,  that  of  the  visible  stars. 
Suppose  our  sun  should  run  into  one  of  these  dark 
bodies  of  a  mass  equal  to  or  greater  than  his  own  ! 
The  law  of  the  conservation  of  energy  teaches  us 
that  a  territic  eontiagation  would  result,  in  which 
worlds  would  be  consumed  like  crackling  shingles 
in  a  bonfire.  But  instead  of  running  against  a  dark 
body  the  sun  might  merely  fall  within  its  attrac- 
tion, and,  the  centripetal  and  centrifugal  forces 
being  balanced,  the  two— a  living  sun  and  a  dead 
one—would  henceforth  go  swinging  about  their 
common  centre  in  an  endlesss  waltz.  There  is 
evidence  that  this  very  thing  has  happened  to  some 
of  the  other  suns  around  us.  The  great  star 
Procyon,  for  instance,  is  known  to  have  an  invisible 
companion  dragging  it  to  and  fro,  but  astronomers 
have  strained  their  eyes  in  vain  to  catch  a  glimpse 
of  it  ;  and  it  is  believed  that  the  variations  in  the 
light  of  the  remarkable  winking  star  in  Perseus, 
which  Arabs  named  the  Demon,  are  caused  by  a 
huge  dark  body  whirling  around  it.  It  is  not 
pleasant  to  think  of  the  bare  possibility  of  our 
glorious  sun  being  thus  made  a  prisoner  in  the 
midst  of  the  universe,  chained  to  a  rayless  sknle- 
ton  ;  but  that  appears  to  be  one  of  the  strange 
chances  which  beset  a  solar  body  travelling  in  the 
wonder-filled  deeps  of  space. 


In  the  North  American  Review,  Professor  Isaac 
L.  Rice  has  the  presumption  to  criticize  Mr.  Her- 
bert Spencer  in  severe  terms  and  the  audacity  to.be 
in  the  right  as  far  as  he  goes.  There  is  a  good 
whack  at  the  Irish  head  in  a  paper  entitled  "  The 
Abuse  of  Citizenship,"  from  which  we  gave  an  ex- 
tract last  week.  Professor  Gilman  has  something 
about  college  training  and  Mine.  Christine  Nilsson 
is  gallantly  permitted  to  talk  three  pages  of  non- 
sence  as  a  preparatory  course  to  Congressman 
Springer's  paper  on  incidental  taxation.  The  other 
papers  we  have  not  read,  but  the  book  concludes 
with  one  of  those  hateful  "  symposia,"  un  the  moral 
influence  of  tho  drama.  The  moral  influence  of  a 
good  play  is  good  ;  that  of  a  bad  play  is  bad  ;  if 
there  is  anything  more  to  say  the  '  symposiasts  " 
have  probably  said  it,  as  they  have  occupied  sixteen 
pages. 

Manners  Americans. 

At  San  Francisco  a  policeman  enters  in  a  tavern 
where  a  murder  comes  to  be  committed.  Apper- 
ceiving  the  cadaver  and  addressing  himself  at  one 
of  the  habituateds  of  the  place  : 

"  Who  has  killed  this  man  ?  " 

The  habituated,  nonchalantly  :  "  It  is  a  gentle- 
man who  comes  to  go  out." 

Absolutely  historic  ! 


I 


The  merchant  who  advertises  "  new  novelties  " 
is  soon  to  be  married  to  the  lady  who  furnishes 
"  table  board. "  The  ceremony  will  be  conducted 
by  the  clergyman  who  occasionally  speaks  of  the 
"  eternity  of  everlasting  life." 


"  Dead  broke,  eh  ?  "  queried  a  Boston  man  of  a 
seedy  looking  individual  whom  he  saw  passing  into 
a  shop  adorned  with  three  golden  balls.  "  No," 
was  the  curt  reply,  "  pawn-broke." 


The  Parisian  ladies  are  wearing  kid  stockings. 


THE     WASP. 


CALIFORNIAN     ART. 


A   Homily  Evoked   by  the   Braying  of  an  Ass. 


If  th«'  B  European  correspondent  had  not 

had  the  indiscretion  to  sign  his  letters  "John  S. 
Hittell  "  I  should  have  thought  they  wen-  written 
by  the  man  who  oils  the  bearings  of  the  Bulletin's 
press.  Senator  Logan  once  declared  that  he  had 
devoted  three  weeks  to  the  study  of  finance,  and 
f.-mi.l  the  accepted  authorities  all  wrong.  Mr. 
Hittell  appears  to  have  given  a  whole  month  to  t he 
-i  nly  oi  art,  with  the  same  startling  result.  Writ- 
ing of  Titian  and  Correggio  us  famous  colorists,  lie 
says  : 

*'  Nothing  that  I  have  seen  of  theirs  in  this  re- 
spect  is  equal  to  Neat's  '  Meeting  of  Mary  Stuart 
and  Rizzio,'  which  lias  been  exhibited  in  San  Fran- 
cisco and  is.  or  lately  was,  in  California;" 

Some  allowance  should  be  made  for  Titian  and 
Correggio  :  they  had  not  the  advantage  of  the  same 
art-atmosphere  that  .Mr.  Xeal  had  ;  they  were  not 
brought  up  in  San  Francisco,  nor  suckled  at  the 
breast  of  Mr.  John  S.  Hittell. 

This  admirable  critic,  with  the  hayseed  of  Wes- 
tern culture  still  in  his  hair,  continues  : 

11  It  i3  not  necessary  to  leave  the  studios  and  gal- 
leries of  California  to  see  good  pictures.  I  have 
not  visited  a  gallery  in  Europe  equal  in  the  aver- 
age—I do  not  say  in  the  aggregate— merit  of  its 
pictures  to  several  in  our  state." 

And  this  blatant  ignoramus  professes  familiarity 
with  the  galleries  of  Italy  and  Germany,  and  dates 
his  letter  at  Paris  !  This  incalculable  dunce  and 
measureless  idiot  has  the  blind  and  bestial  hardi- 
hood to  write  thus  in  the  shadow  of  the  Louvre  ! 
I  wonder  that  some  of  the  immortal  figures  on  its 
walls  did  not  spring  from  their  frames  and  play  at 
leap-frog  upon  the  astonished  back  of  him. 

1  cannot  leave    the  complacent  simpleton  ;    his 

stupidity  fascinates He  boldly  declares  that 

while  Claude  is  "  tine,"  "  California  has  a  landscape 
painter  who  surpasses  "  both  him  and  Turner  ;  but 
whether  he  refers  to  Mr.  Swan  or  to  Mr.  Keith  I 
do  not  know.  He  says  (and  for  the  credit  of  Eu- 
ropean art  I  hope  it  is  true)  that  there  is  "no  fish 
or  fruit  "  over  there  "equal  in  realistic  merit"  (is 
there  such  a  kind  of  merit  ?)  to  that  produced  in 
I  one  of  our  studios  (Miss  Simperine  Gumchew's, 
probably)  and  that  "  in  animals  you  will  rarely  see 
anything  here  better  than  some  of  Charles  Nahl's 
best  work" — Charles  Nahl  !  Why,  they  have  the 
animals  themselves  !  Is  this  Hittell  person  to  suf- 
I  fer  himself  to  be  outdone  in  art-knowledge  by  the 
ff-  Shah  of  Persia  ?  When  that  incomparable  critic 
was  shown  a  painting  of  an  ass  by  Landseer,  and 
on  asking  its  price  was  told  that  it  was  worth  five 
hundred  pounds,  "  By  the  bones  of  the  prophet  !  " 
said  he,  "  I  could  buy  the  living  ass  for  a  tenth 
part  of  the  money. " 

Mr.  Hittell  evidently  knows  a  good  picture  when 
he  sees  one — that  is  to  say,  he  knows  it  is  a  pic- 
ture. What  he  does  not  know,  and  could  not  be 
taught,  is  the  difference  between  a  good  picture 
and  a  bad  one  ;  and  this  is  for  him  a  most  unfor- 
tunate incapacity,  for  it  prevents  him  from  experi- 
encing that  unalloyed  delight  which  he  would  oth- 
erwise get — from  the  bad  one. 

California,  California,  California  ;  again  Califor- 
nia and  California  all  the  time.  Her  climate,  her 
soil,  her  scenery,  her  literature,  science,  art  ! 
What  is  it  in  the  conditions  of  this  raw  Western 
life  that  makes  us  all  blockhead  braggarts?  Other 
communities  are  as  backward  in  culture,  none  so 
forward  in  manners  ;  others  as  low  in  intelligence, 
none  so  high  in  impudence.  California  has  never 
produced  a  great  scholar,  a  great  writer,  a  great 
painter.  At  the  last  exhibition  of  the  Art  Associa- 
tion there  were,  I  believe,  sixteen  pictures  from 
New  York.  The  exhibition  was  just  sixteen  times 
as  good  as  any  preceding  one. 

On  my  first  (and  last)  visit  to  that  exhibition  I 
put  my  catalogue  in  my  pocket  and  made  the  cir- 
cuit of  the  rooms,  noting  the  numbers  but  not  the 
names  on  what  I  thought  the  best  paintings.  Com- 
paring my  memoranda  with  the  catalogue  I  found 
they  were  oil  by  New  York  artists.  And  in  no  one 
of  them  had  the  painter  done  his  best  work.  There 
was  not  agood  picture  in  the  rooms. 

Mr.  Julian  Rix  is  a  fair  sample  of  the  California- 
bred  artist.  He  is  about  thirty  years  of  age  and 
has  painted,  I  think,  some  fifteen  hundred  pictures. 
There  are  not  as  many  good  pictures  in  America  as 
bad  pictures  that  Mr.  Rix  has  painted  at  thirty. 
True,  Raphael  died  famous  at  thirty-seven,  but  I 
submit  that  there  is  a  difference  of  more  than  seven 
years  between  Raphael  and  Mr.  Rix.     And  only 


the  other  day  Mr.  Rix's  friends  were  complaining 

because  several   hundred  of  his  paintings— a  few 
eds  more  or  less  are  not  Important— sold  for 

but  four  thousand  dollars  !  They  think  ten, 
twenty  or  thirty  dollars  a  day  miserly  remunera- 
tion for  a  self-taught  artist  who  has  yet  to  learn  to 
di  aw. 

The  only  "  Californian  "  who  has  ever  done,  or 
seems  likely  ever  to  do,  any  worthy  work  in  art  is 
Mr.  Toby  Rosenthal.  He  has  had  no  better  train- 
ing  than  many  o there,  but  he  has  more  brains. 
Above  all,  lie  has  a  reverence  for  his  art  ;  he  will 
not  blasp heme  it  with  "pot-boilers."  His  enthu- 
siasm is  such  that  it  sustains  him  through  a  year's 
work  on  a  single  canvas.  His  inspiration  is  not  of 
the  highest,  his  method  is  not  of  the  best  ;  but  he 
has  an  art  in  addition  to  his  art — the  art  of  concen- 
tration. 

As  for  our  "  School  of  Design,"  what  is  it  ?  It 
takes  in  a  lot  of  hare-brained  boys  and  giggling 
girls  and  teaches  them  almost  as  much  as  they 
ought  to  have  learned  at  home.  It  teaches  them 
to  know  how  to  begin  to  learn  to  draw,  and  draw- 
ing is  the  alphabet  of  art.  All  that  they  learn 
there  they  have  painfully  to  unlearn  if  they  ever 
study  abroad.  It  spoils  them  for  hoodlums  with- 
out fitting  them  for  artists.  They  would  be  hap- 
pier and  better  as  hoodlums.  Not  one  of  the  pu- 
pils of  this  school  has  ever  made  even  a  notable 
crayon.  Of  color  they  know  nothing,  for  their 
master  knows  nothing.  I  have  no  hesitation  in 
saying  that  every  cent  of  the  money  that  credulous 
men  and  women  put  into  this  smatter-mill  might 
with  greater  public  advantage  be  dumped  into  the 
bay. 

The  picture-reporters  of  the  newspapers  find, 
and  their  dupes  purchase,  more  "good  pictures" 
every  year  in  San  Francisco  than  the  world  pro- 
duces in  a  century.  And  the  makers  of  these 
things  complain  that  there  is  here  no  appreciation 
of  art.  That  they  are  not  arrested  every  night  of 
their  worthless  lives  for  vagrancy  is  proof  that  there 
is  at  least  toleration. 

Whtn  some  uninstructed  fellow  like  Mr.  John  S. 
Hittell  (who,  I  believe,  is  the  author  of  a  work  on 
"culture"  in  which  he  confounds  culture  with 
the  steam-engine  and  magnetic  telegraph)  goes 
abroad  to  cities  whose  very  stones  are  instinct 
with  art,  he  admires  nothing  because  he  knows 
nothing.  Having  exhausted  his  poor  brains  in  Cal- 
ifornia by  preaching  vanity  to  the  conceited  and 
ignorance  to  the  illiterate,  he  has  nothing  to  give 
us  but  disparagement  of  whatever  he  cannot  under- 
stand and  detraction  of  all  that  he  envies  his  bet- 
ters the  pow  er  to  admire.  He  is  a  type  of  the 
local  litterateur  abroad.  Caelum,  non  animam, 
mutant,  qui  (ram  mare  citrrunt- — the  traveling 
Californian  cannot  change  his  spots.       A.  G.  B. 


STILL     LIFE     STORIES. 


A   DISSAPOINTED    BULL-DOG. 

A  Cast-iron  Bull-dog  fastened  his  teeth  in  a  Big 
Drum  and  was  astonished  at  the  noisy  manner  in 
which  his  advances  were  met.  Dropping  his  prey 
in  disgust,  he  growled  :  "  Oh  shut  up,  you  scrawny 
old  cheat.  I'd  like  to  know  what  you're  blatting 
about.  You're  nothing  but  noise  an'  hide  anyhow. 
What  kind  of  a  hue  an'  cry  have  you  got  for 
stuthn'  ?  Alas  !  we  dwell  in  a  vale  of  tears  and 
are  the  sport  of  dreams.  Oh  ever  thus  from  child- 
hood's hour  I've  seen  my  fondest  hopes  decay  ;  I 
never  called  for  whisky  sour  but  it  was  sure  to  fade 
away,  behind  the  bar,  behind  the  bar.  I  never 
nursed  a  brindle  pup  to  glad  me  with  its  blood- 
shot eye  but  when  I  came  to  chew  it  up  it  tasted 
like  old  stocking  pie,  with  dog-juice  mixed  an' bark 
an'  ha'r. 


HOW   HE   DO     ENJOY    HISSELF. 

A  Spare  Cane  united  in  a  happy  marriage  with 
a  Tight  Pant  gave  birth  to  a  Missing  Link.  The 
rapturous  mother  gazing  at  her  firstling  as  he  im- 
bibed his  usual  nutriment  from  the  fountain  head 
burst  out  :  "  How  he  do  enjoy  hiaself  when  he 
begins  to  suck.  Isn't  he  sweet  1  "  "  Sweet  !  " 
muttered  the  father  in  an  undertone,  for  he  knew 
that  his  spouse  when  infuriated  could  administer 
stripes  of  which  his  hide  still  bore  evidence ;  "  he's 
ugly  enough  to  make  a  dog  howl  to  look  at  him." 


HOW   LOI'G    HE   WAVED. 

A  half -drowned  Campaign  Lie,  flopping  and 
wriggling  in  the  embrace  of  a  Tidal  Wave,  managed 
to  sputter  out  :  "  All  right,  Governor.  It  does 
well  enough  to  baste  and  churn  me  now,  so  long  as 


it's  an  off  year.     By  and  by  I'll   light  a   lire  under 

y bottom  and  then  you'll  vanish  in  gas  and  like 

the  baseless  fabric  of  a   vision,  leave  not  a  rack  be- 
hind !     There  won't  be  a  snuflle  left  of  you." 


THE   BEARD  OP  A    BOARDING-HOUSE    TIE. 

A  I  loarding-house  Pie  occupied  his  leisure,  during 
temporary  intervals  of  seclusion,  on  a  top  shelf  in 
growing  a  noble  gray  beard.  A  Set,  of  False  Teeth 
who  happened  to  drop  in  on  a  visit  thus  expressed 
his  admiration  :  "Howl  enjoy  your  magnificent 
hairiness.  I  have  been  trying  all  my  life  to  grow 
a  respectable  moustache,  but  the  soil  don't  seem 
very  fertile,  although  some  of  my  family  have 
plenty  of  hair."  "Ah,"  sighed  the  Pie,  "would 
that  everyone  was  gifted  with  the  same  nice  appre- 
ciation of  my  natural  beauties.  Thy  heartless 
mistress,  when  I  am  about  to  appear  in  public,  is 
won't  to  shave  me  clean  with  a  wipe  of  her  sleeve, 
regardless  of  my  agony,  and  when  I  return  to  my 
home  the  same  work  has  to  be  done  all  over  again. 
I  lead  an  existence  of  empty  show.  Would  that  I 
might  do  something  useful  in  my  generation  and 
die  with  a  good  conscience.  Like  the  Wandering 
Jew  I  am  destined  to  a  mouldy  immorality  of  in- 
efiectivenesss.  I  feel  that  I  have  a  mission.  I 
don't  care  if  they  cut  me  up  into  carpet  tacks — 
there  would  be  some  excitement  about  that,  but  if 
I  had  my  choice  I  would  go  rumbling  down  the 
throat  of  a  dry-goods  drummer.  What  a  divine 
afflatus  he  would  feel  after  I  got  settled  to  busi- 
ness !  "  "  Divine,  eh  ?  "  snarled  the  envious 
Teeth.  ''  I  would  not  feed  you  to  a  respectable 
Gunny-sack." 


A   LOVELY  JUMBLE. 

A  Brass  Monkey  looking  for  congenial  society 
one  day  climbed  on  to  a  Mantel-piece  and  gazed 
with  wonder  at  a  Prominent  Ornament,  When  he 
found  his  tongue,  he  asked  :  "  Say,  Bub,  what  kind 
of  a  miscellany  are  you  anyhow  ?  Are  you  a  dog 
or  a  cat  or  a  Swiss  cottage  1  "  "  Alas  !  "  replied 
the  Ornament  "I  do  not  know  myself.  I  was 
born  at  a  Church  Fair  and  I  do  not  even  know  my 
own  parents."  "  It  is  no  wonder  you  are  slightly 
jumbled,"  answered  the  Monkey.  "Doubtless 
your  family  runs  chiefly  to  fathers."         E.  F.  C. 


Good  old  Mr.  Pickering  loses  some  portion  of 
his  infallibility  every  time  a  gray  hair  drops  from 
his  over-ripe  pate.  Time  was  when  he  was  able  to 
answer  off-hand  a  "  letter  from  the  people"  on  any 
subject  that  could  engage  human  curiosity,  from 
the  length  of  the  mane  of  a  saw-horse  to  the  num- 
ber of  ounces  in  a  dog-pound.  Lately  he  has 
spoken  with  a  dubious  wisdom  and  a  faltering 
tongue.  Only  the  other  day  the  failing  oracle  de- 
clared the  proper  pronunciation  of  "  Tuileries  "  to 
be  "  Too-il-ler-ies,"  to  the  unspeakable  grief  of 
every  traveled  American.  And  now  this  ancient 
authority  assures  a  correspondent  that  a  rifle  will 
send  a  ball  "  perfectly  horizontal  a  stated  dis- 
tance," and  the  poor  devil  who  contended  that  the 
law  of  gravitation  was  not  suspended  in  deference 
to  the  needs  of  marksmen  is  covered  with  confusion 
as  with  a  cloud.  Take  heart,  discomfited  ques- 
tioner ;  the  old  man  has  gone  clean  daft.  He  re- 
cently refused  to  state  the  product  of  two  multi- 
plied by  two,  on  the  thin  pretext  that  the  question 
had  been  elaborately  answered  in  the  Call  a  dozen 
times  within  the  month. 


The  San  Jose  Common  Council  has  voted  $300 
towards  defraying  the  expenses  of  taking  the  First 
Regiment  of  Militia  to  the  Garden  City  for  the 
celebration  of  the  Fourth.  We  had  supposed  that 
the  experience  of  former  years  would  lead  the  San 
Jose  folks  to  subscribe  about  ten  times  that  amount 
for  the  purpose  of  keeping  the  militia  away.  To 
have  to  import  a  large  consignment  of  furs  and 
feathers  at  considerable  expense  in  order  to  double 
the  number  of  patriots  in  the  burg  is  bad  enough  ; 
but  when  it  becomes  necessary  for  the  lamb  to  in- 
vite the  wolf  to  dinner  just  for  the  sake  of  style,- 
the  host  had  best  be  prepared  to  furnish  forth  the 
meal  in  his  own  proper  person.  It  is  only  twelve 
months  since  our  'Frisco  heroes  went  south  on  the 
same  errand.  They  enjoyed  themselves  amazingly. 
After  taking  charge  of  the  saloons  they  grew  bold 
enough  to  take  charge  of  the  feminine  portion  of 
the  population,  and  that  after  a  fashion  which 
makes  it  safe  to  assert  that  none  of  the  money  put 
up  for  their  reappearance  has  been  subscribed 
through  the  influence  of  the  ladies  of  San  Jose. 


THE    WAS? 


SATURDAY, JUNE    9,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  543  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.   MACFARLANE    &   CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TEEMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS : 

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Postage  free  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 


The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 


All  Postmasters  are  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 


The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  Wasp:  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.W.  A.  Wright. 
D.  G.  Waldbon,  General  Traveling  Agent. 


Ho  Questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


There  is  a  cessation  of  hostilities  between  the 
city  and  the  water  company,  between  the  water 
company's  kept  editors  and  the  honest  members  of 
the  Board  of  Supervisors,  between  Mr.  Webb 
Howard  and  Mr.  Fitch.  There  is  quite  a  stack  of 
lions  and  lambs.  That  the  city  has  paid  dearly  for 
the  truce  we  steadfastly  believe,  but  do  not  propose 
to  mar  the  good  understanding  that  we  cannot 
prevent  nor  cavil  at  the  peace  we  cannot  break. 
But  it  is  a  good  time  for  advice  to  the  side  that  can 
afford  to  endure  it.  Let  the  water  company's  man- 
agers consider  if  a  renewal  ofthe  war  will  pay  ;  if,  on 
the  whole,  they  are  better  off  than  they  would  have 
been  had  they  kept  faith  with  their  patrons,  told 
the  truth,  paid  their  taxes,  observed  the  laws,  re- 
frained from  antagonizing  powerful  journals  by 
subsidizing  weak  ones,  carried  fewer  Supervisors 
and  judges  in  their  pockets  and  acted  less  like 
maniacs  generally.  Corruption  may  accomplish 
much  by  still-hunting  in  lobbies,  but  its  profits  are 
brief  and  its  losses  lasting.  The  sign  "  Bribes  and 
Subsidies  May  Be  Exacted  Here  "  is  not  a  very 
good  sign  to  hang  out  ;  the  people  whom  it 
attracts  are  expensive  friends,  those  whom  it 
repels  are  formidable  enemies.  For  ourselves,  we 
do  not  propose  tamely  to  submit  while  our  un- 
worthy competitors  are  given  advantages  that  con- 
science forbids  us  to  accept.  We  know  this  news- 
paper business,  and  can  surely  trace  in  any  journal 
the  receipt  of  dishonest  gold.  While  we  observe 
this  mark  of  the  beast  in  the  Chronicle,  the  Argo- 
naut, the  Post  and  other  so-called  newspapers,  we 
shall  not  cease  to  treat  as  enemies  to  the  public 
welfare  those  with  whose  initials  the  flanks  of  the 
editorial  horned  cattle  are  branded.  We  need  no 
other  proof  of  unworthiness  than  the  support  of 
journals  whose  "  influence  "  is  for  sale  ;  within 
the  limits  of  right  and  reason  we  shall  hurt  the 
corporation  that  purchases  such  merchandise  all  we 
know  how.  And  our  talent  for  being  disagreeable 
is  the  one  that  we  chiefly  cultivate. 


The  recent  heavy  importations  of  Chinese  into 
the  Hawaiian  Islands  is  a  phenomenon  of  so  start- 
ling a  character  that  our  contemporaries  in  the 
East  have  been  unable  to  explain  it.  It  was  the 
work  of  speculators  who  sought  thus  to  supply  on 
their  own  terms  a  sharp  demand  for  labor  on  the 
plantations.  Having  dumped  their  sudden  ship 
loads  of  coolies  upon  the  wharves  at  Honolulu,  these 


thrifty  speculators,  controlling  their  chattels,  re- 
fused to  let  them  make  contracts  with  the  planters 
and  demanded  one  dollar  a  day  for  their  work.  A 
compromise  was  effected  at  from  twenty  to  twenty- 
three  dollars  a  month  during  the  critical  period 
when  the  crops  were  spoiling  for  want  of  labor. 
Neither  the  planters  nor  the  Hawaiian  Govern- 
ment had  anything  to  do  with  the  importation  of 
these  Chinese  ;  on  the  contrary  the  Government 
hastened  to  notify  the  Hongkong  authorities  that 
no  more  would  be  permitted  to  land  unless  they 
came  as  bandjide  settlers,  bringing  their  families. 
Portuguese  immigrants  are  preferred  in  the  Islands, 
as  having  better  experience  in  agriculture  and  giv- 
ing promise  of  being  more  desirable  colonists. 
They  come  accompanied  by  their  families.  Ar- 
rangements set  on  foot  by  the  Government  are 
being  actively  carried  out  to  induce  a  heavy  im- 
migration of  that  nationality.  We  learn  also  that 
negotiations  are  now  in  progress  to  induce  an  im- 
migration of  Japanese,  who  are  in  every  way 
desirable  as  laborers  and  colonists.  Both  Govern- 
ment and  planters  are  keenly  alive  to  the  Ameri- 
can sentiment  against  Chinese  immigration  to  the 
Islands,  and  there  can  be  no  doubt  of  the  efficacy 
of  the  measures  that  have  been  taken  permanently 
to  stop  it. 


We  recently  called  attention  to  the  lawless  tra- 
der-assessments shown  in  the  personal  property  roll 
in  the  Municipal  Reports  for  1880-81.  The  Con- 
stitution requires  that  all  property  shall  be  assessed 
at  its  full  cash  value,  but  not  an  assessor  in  the 
state,  so  far  as  we  have  any  knowledge  of  them  and 
their  work,  has  hitherto  made  any  pretence  of 
obeying  "the  supreme  law."  Here  in  San  Fran- 
cisco personal  property  was  assessed  not  for  its  full 
cash  value  ;  not  for  the  half  of  that ;  in  the  cases 
,of  most  wealthy  men,  firms  and  corporations,  not 
for  one-tenth  of  it.  The  newspapers  were  thought- 
fully permitted  to  share  in  the  advantages  of  this 
plan  ;  that  was  the  way  in  which  their  silence  was 
secured,  and  it  was  an  effectual  way.  Assessor 
Holtz  has  now  submitted  his  report  of  personal 
property  assessments,  and  a  partial  list  of  them  has 
been  published.  The  total  amount  of  the  roll,  as 
he  points  out,  shows  an  increase  in  value  (that  is, 
assessed  value)  of  nearly  eight  millions  of  dollars 
over  the  previous  roll.  This  will  do  very  well,  con- 
sidering that  Mr.  Holtz  is  new  to  the  office  and  has 
worked  with  less  than  half  as  many  deputies  as  his 
too  experienced  predecessor.  We  believe  him  to 
have  made  an  honest  attempt  to  obey  the  law,  but 
think  him  only  partly  successful.  Next  year  we 
shall  hope  to  see  an  increase  in  the  assessed  value 
of  San  Francisco's  personal  property  from  fifty-eight 
millions  to  seventy-five  millions,  and  shall  consider 
it  very  good  evidence  that  Mr.  Holtz  is  not  getting 
rich  "in  stocks." 


We  do  not  know  just  how  Mr.  Holtz  has  swelled 
the  figures.  Taking  the  first  four  corporations  in 
his  published  list  and  comparing  the  assessments 
with  those  of  his  predecessor,  we  find  the  following 
reductions  from  that  gentlemun's  figures  :  Spring 
Valley  Water  Works,  $3,608,090;  San  Francisco 
Gaslight  Company,  84,660,915 ;  Nevada  Bank, 
#626,651;  Bank  of  California,  $589,630.  This  is 
as  far  as  we  have  gone  in  comparison  ;  at  another 
time  we  shall  make  a  more  exhaustive  analysis  of 
the  roll  and  hope  to  be  able  to  discover  where  Mr. 
Holtz  has  found  the  nearly  eight  millions  of  tax- 
able personal  property  that  Mr.  Badlam  was  un- 
able to  discover.  The  plain  truth  is  that  it  is  cus- 
tomary for  Assessors  to  accept  money  or  other  val- 
uable consideration  for  the  service  of  undervaluing 
the  property  that  they  are  to  assess  :  they  are  paid 
to  cheat.     Every  office  has  its  peculiar  method  of 


pillaging  the  people  ;  that  is  the  method  of  the  As- 
sessor's office.  We  make  no  accusation  against 
particular  men  ;  we  hasten  to  admit  that  all  our 
Assessors  have  been  angels,  skilled  in  playing  the 
golden  harp  and  in  poising  themselves  gracefully 
on  summer  clouds.  We  only  point  out  the  obvious 
fact  that  they  all  get  rich  in  proportion  to  the  op- 
portunities (of  which  they  do  not  avail  themselves) 
and  the  temptations — that  they  overcome.  Mr. 
Holtz  is  already  rich,  but  it  is  to  be  hoped  he  will 
piously  observe  the  thrifty  traditions  of  his  office, 
for  they  may  be  of  great  advantage  to  some  needy 
patriot  whom  chance  or  intrigue  may  name  as  his 
successor. 


They  may  affect  indifference — the  Railroad  gang- 
but  they  are  hard  hit.  There  is  no  unmanly 
"  dodge  "  to  which  they  do  not  resort  in  defense. 
No  deception  is  too  base,  no  retaliation  too  trivial, 
no  expedient  too  discreditable  to  be  used  in  their 
service.  Formerly  they  robbed  and  plundered 
with  superb  unconcern,  and  in  dignified  silence. 
They  corrupted  courts  and  legislatures,  pillaged  the 
nation  and  defrauded  the  state  as  now  ;  but  they 
did  not  atop  to  bandy  words  about  it.  How  they 
have  changed  !  They  subsidize  the  meanest  and 
most  horrible  newspapers.  They  employ  Carl 
Browne  to  make  hideous  cartoons  for  them,  drawn 
with  the  point  of  a  walking-stick  dipped  in  tar. 
They  distribute  extra  editions  of  Boruck's  horse- 
paper  loaded  with  eulogium  in  ailing  grammar. 
They  scatter  at  anti-monopoly  meetings  leaflets  at- 
tacking the  personal  characters  of  the  participants. 
They  have  articles  favorable  to  themselves  printed 
in  the  advertising  columns  of  some  well  known 
Eastern  newspaper  at  so  much  a  line,  and  reprint- 
ed in  their  own  organs  here,  credited  to  the  Eastern 
journal  as  an  editorial  utterance — a  trick  of  the 
quack-medicine  men.  We  congratulate  the  small 
liars  and  mercenaries  of  society  ;  not  one  of  them 
needs  starve  while  the  Railroad  gang  has  a  shilling 
of  which  one  sixpence  is  in  peril.  There  is  work 
for  all,  from  Judge  Field  and  A.  A.  Cohen  down 
to  Ned  Curtis  and  the  grimy  gentleman  whose 
function  it  is  to  sit  on  a  front  seat  at  an  anti- 
monopoly  meeting  and  smell  as  bad  as  he  can. 


A  New  York  man  has  invented  an  electric  chair 
for  executing  condemned  criminals  without  pain, 
and  many  of  our  Eastern  contemporaries  are  urging 
such  a  change  in  the  law  as  will  permit  its  adoption. 
It  would  be  professional  though  not  strictly  civil  to 
ascribe  a  selfish  personal  motive  to  the  writers  who 
clamor  for  painless  execution.  We  will  not  be  so 
unkind,  though  it  does  appear  to  our  untutored 
mind  a  little  singular  that  a  man  who  does  not 
expect  to  be  hanged  should  so  strenuously  object 
to  hanging,  on  the  ground  of  its  demoralizing  effect 
on  the  spectator,  while  saying  never  a  word  about 
murder's  demoralizing  effect  upon  the  witness. 
We  certainly  favor  painless  death,  if  death  must  be, 
but  surely  the  first  steps  toward  that  desirable  end 
should  be  taken  by  those  who  murder.  If  our 
assassins  will  consent  ro  employ  nothing  but  the 
electric  chair  in  their  business  it  will  be  easy 
enough  to  persuade  state  legislatures  to  adopt  it 
for  the  use  of  sheriffs  in  executing  the  death  war- 
rant. It  is  hoped  that  all  murderers  reading  this 
suggestion  will  endeavor  to  give  it  practical  effect 
by  urging  the  advantages  of  the  electric  chair  upon 
their  fellow  craftsmen.  After  the  first  four  or  five 
hundred  painless  murders  have  "  thrown  a  pall  of 
gloom  upon  the  community  "  the  people's  softened 
mind  will  indubitably  turn  to  thoughts  of  painless 
execution.  For  the  punishment  of  a  man  like 
Wheeler,  the  strangler,  the  country  would  even 
now  hail  it  with  joy,  as  being  infinitely  less  "  de- 
moralizing to  the  spectator  "  than  a  couch  of 
roses  and  a  diet  of  strawberries  and  cream. 


THE    WASP. 


P  RATT  L  E, 


The  committee  of  "  Knights  Templar  "  charged 
with  the  July  of  arranging  matters  for  the  coming 
"  conclave  "  have  gravely  suggested  that  our  citi- 
zens lay  out  their  fiower-beds  in  the  form  of 
Maltese  crosses  in  compliment  to  the  visiting  "  Sir 
Knights."  0,  certainly;  no  objection  to  making 
gum  dasted  idiots  of  ourselves— none  whatever.  If 
'twill  please  Sir  Hugo  de  Mangelwurzel-Wiener- 
Schnit/.el,  of  Peoria,  Illinois,  and  cause  a  smile  to 
divide  the  bronzed  \is;i*^e  of  the  Most  Ropeworthy 
Supergrand  Clerk  of  the  Bucking  Goat,  Sir  Barbum 
Impycu,  of  Bungtown,  Connecticut,  we  will  e'en 
have  the  ^race  to  lay  out  in  the  form  of  Maltese 
crosses  not  only  our  tlower-beds  but  our  dead. 
Nay,  by  our  halidom,  we  will  even  remember  the 
Sir  K  nights  in  slaying  our  enemies — who  shall  be 
laid  out  with  cross-handled  boot-jacks  in  the  form 
of  Maltese  cats. 


Atnl  now  some  scoundrel  has  "invented  and 
goea  around  advising  "  air-tight  and  indestructible 
coIlius  of  toughened  glass,  wherein  our  hard-fin- 
ished fellow  citizens  of  the  vertical  toes  can  for 
many  generations  retain  enough  of  their  backs  to 
rest  upon  in  some  kind  of  comfort.  This  wretch 
thinks  it  a  merit  of  his  invention  that  dust  will 
no  longer  return  to  dust  and  a  dead  man  will 
occupy  as  much  room  in  the  world  as  a  living  one. 
I  do  not  so  regard  it  ;  I  take  the  liberty  to  think 
that  if  it  were  not  for  the  kindly  ministrations  of 
decay  there  would  be  periodical  raids  upon  the  late 
lamented  for  their  extermination  by  more  energetic 
means.  I  have  myself  no  doubt  that  to  the  sense- 
less custom  of  denying  their  dead  to  the  demands 
of  vegetation  the  Egyptians  owe  the  present  steril- 
ity and  sparse  settlement  of  their  once  fertile  and 
populous  country.  I  do  not  say  that  five  millions 
of  Egyptians  are  not  an  improvement  on  twenty 
millions. 


The  animal  and  vegetable  kingdoms  eat  one 
another.  It  is  by  the  decay  of  one  kind  of  life 
that  the  other  kind  thrives  and  grows  fat  apace, 
until  it  in  turn  goes  to  the  shambles  to  yield  up 
its  increment  of  convertible  gases.  The  beast 
paunches  the  plant  directly,  or  at  second  hand  by 
eating  another  animal  of  vegetarian  habit.  He 
absorbs  trees  also,  through  his  skin,  and  inspires 
brambles  with  the  lung  of  him.  But  the  carrot 
has  its  revenge  when  he  dies  and  his  juices  are 
tippled  by  roots  and  his  bad  smells  sorted  out  and 
chewed  by  the  forest  leaves.  Every  wood-preserv- 
ing company  is  reducing  the  vote  at  some  future 
election,  and  when  you  embalm  a  corpse  you  stunt 
a  tree.  That  which  is  yielded  gradually  by  decay 
is  surrendered  instantly  by  fire  ;  the  burning 
forest  repopulates  the  region  that  it  strewed  with 
charred  bones.  The  general  adoptiou  of  cremation 
this  year  would  cause  i;rass  to  grow  in  our  streets 
the  next — our  grain  yield  would  be  doubled,  our 
flower  gardens  gorgeous  with  colossal  blooms,  our 
markets  magnificent  with  mammoth  squashes  and 
tubers.     Let  the  flames  aspire. 


The  Ghrotdcle,  its  little  bowel  of  compassion  mov- 
ing vernacularly  for  a  sailor  "  drownded  in  the 
briny  deep  ",  has  been  spitting  dilute  venom  in 
copious  volume  at  Captain  Dodd,  of  the  steamer 
sluez.  On  the  last  voyage  of  that  vessel  from 
Honolulu  a  man  was  lost  overboard.  Every  exer- 
tion was  made  to  save  him  ;  a  life  buoy  was  thrown 
over,  a  boat  lowered  and  the  steamer  backed  over 
her  course.  After  a  vain  search  of  an  hour  and 
forty  minutes  Captain  Dodd  reluctantly  gave  it 
up,  and  the  steamer  moved  on.  All  these  facts 
were  ascertained  by  the  British  Consul,  who 
exonerated  the  Captain  from  all  blame,  as  did  also 


every  passenger  having  knowledge  of  the  incident. 
But  the  editor  of  the  Chronicle  refuses  to  be  com- 
forted. He  sits  by  the  seaside  and  mingles  his 
tears  with  the  salt,  sad  waves,  murmuring  :  "  Every 
little  helps."  He  snutHes  and  snotties  melodiously 
— sobs  up  his  stomach  and  sighs  it  back,  and  it 
makes  him  sicker  than,  a  mule.  At  intervals  ho 
gets  up  and  bucks  like  a  steer.  The  man  will  do 
hisself  a  injury. 


I  wish  the  fellow  would  be  pleased  to  desist  ; 
he  fatigues.  It  is  granted  that  the  Sue::  trades 
with  the  Islands.  It  is  conceded  that  she  brings 
over  sugar  that  is  duty  free.  It  is  not  denied  that 
her  main-sail  has  been  bellied  by  breezes  that  have 
scaled  a  leper  ;  but  why  this  persecution  of  her 
skipper,  when  it  would  be  at  once  more  honorable, 
more  profitable  and  more  just  to  get  her  cook 
drunk  and  roll  him  1  Come,  neighbor,  turn  off 
the  tears,  hang  up  the  curses  and  repack  the  lies. 
You  make  me  almost  sorry  that  the  man  was 
drowned. 


I  slept,  I  dreamed,  and  in  my  dream  methought 

I  saw  a  mountain's  shadow  in  the  sky, 

Sombre  and  black  against  a  lurid  cloud 

Fire-fringed  with  lightnings.     On  the  point  supreme 

Three  giant  shadows,  rigid,  ominous, 

Stood  up  athwart  the  red  with  level  arms, 

Each  in  the  likeness  of  the  letter  T, 

As  rudely  painted  by  a  hand  unskilled. 

Then,  as  I  gazed,  a  meaning  somehow  grew 

To  half-interpretation.      "  Lo  !  "   I  cried, 

'  The  shadow  is  the  shadow  of  Nob  Hill, 
Upon  whose  dark  declivity  I  stand, 
Lost  in  its  monstrous  umbrage  ;   and  the  fires 
That  glow  within  the  bosom  of  the  cloud 
Are  flames  of  public  wrath.      But  what  are  those — 
The  giant  letters,  limned  in  black  ?"      And  then 
A  foolish,  fat,  false  prophet  of  the  place, 
Whose  gaudy  mansion  stood  upon  the  peak 
Yet  cast  no  shadow,  for  the  decent  sun, 
Refused  to  look  upon't,  stood  forth.      This  base, 
Illiterate  Daniel  tried  to  read  the  signs 
Inscribed  upon  the  wall  of  Heaven— essayed 
In  the  low  lingo  of  his  vulgar  kind 
To  set  their  dark  significance  in  light  : 

'  Treat,  Trade,  or "  e'er  he  ended  his  absurd 

And  idle  reading  of  the  mystic  signs- 
While  yet  his  lying  tongue  was  beating  out 
Some  final  word,  I  know  not  what  it  was, 
A  beam  of  light  shot  down  from  Heaven  and  fell 
Upon  the  central  figure,  and  a  voice 
Cried  out :     "  Behold  the  Lamb  that  for  the  sins 
Of  others  suffers  here  between  two  Thieves  !  " 
Then  in  that  light,  and  by  those  ringing  words, 
The  meaning  of  the  vision  stood  revealed- 


c 

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N.                    E 

E        / 

\       Y 

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>S,  S 

"  1  hate  any  kind  of  simpletons,"  said  Gadson, 
gazing  with  dreamy  contempt  on  the  spectacle  of  a 
receding  dude,  "but  the  most  intolerable  of  the 
lot  is  a  rich  and  fashionable  one." 

"  .lust  so,"  assented  Jex,  thoughtfully  ;  "  there's 
no  noodle  so  insufferable  as  the  Vanness  avenoodle. " 


The  warm  weather  has  had  one  agreeable  but 
most  undesirable  result.  In  order  to  be  comfort- 
able the  women  have  had  to  look  comfortable.  To 
look  comfortable  is  to  be  attractive  ;  and  it  is 
contra  bonos  mures  for  women  to  be  attractive.  It 
disturbs.  It  draws  the  masculine  mind  away  from 
the  contemplation  of  another  and  a  better  world 
and  fixes  it  upon  the  things  of  earth.  It  interferes 
with  business  and  blocks  the  wheels  of  govern- 
ment. There  is  a  woman  whom  I  have  passed  for 
five  years  without  notice.     On  Wednesday  last  I 


met  her  with  her  summer  things  on  -as  nearly  as  > 
can  remember,  a  sea-breeze  over  a  f'reneh  gray 
cloud  edged  with  sunset  and  fastened  at  the  neck 
with  a  dew-drop.  I  fell  horribly  in  love.  Madam, 
do  you  think,  at  your  age,  this  is  right  I 


It  comes  to  me  in  the  light  of  a  revelation  that 
the  fewer  clothes  a  woman  wears,  and  the  more 
diaphanous  the  material,  the  more  charming  she 
is.  The  warm  weather  compels  a  change  in  this 
direction.  I  look  forward  with  apprehension  to 
the  time  when  we  shall  no  longer  say  of  a  woman  : 
"  She  has  put  on  her  things  ",  but,  "  She  has  put 
on  her  thing."  God  guard  us  when  it  conies  to 
that  ! 


Out  of  this  nettle,  death  "  said  old  Mr.  Picker- 
ing, adjusting  his  spectacles  to  read  the  last "  died  " 
handed  in  from  the  business  office,  "  we  pluck  this 
flower,  opportunity."  And  then,  confusing  his 
legs  and  shifting  the  ballast  of  his  tongue  into  his 
right  cheek  till  his  head  had  a  list  to  starboard, 
he  double-charged  his  pen  with  mourning-ink  and 
solemnly  indicted  the  following  lines  to  the  memory 
of  a  youth  of  two  years  : 

"  Farewell,  dear  babe,  we  have  to  part  ; 
Your  loss  we  deeply  feel, 
And  many  a  day  in  future 
Your  name  will  o'er  us  steal. 

"  For  times  that  now  are  past  and  gone 
Our  hearts  will  heave  a  sigh 
To  think  that  you,  Jimmie,  darling,  in  the  pride 
of  life, 
Was' suddenly  called  on  high. 

"  His  Parents." 

"  Ten  cents  a  line — forty  cents,"  murmured  the 
poet,  absently  wiping  his  pen  while  making  the 
calculation  by  mental  arithmetic  ;  "  no — forty-five; 
the  next  the  last  line  is  extra  long."  And  forty- 
hve  cents  it  was. 


California  possesses  the  greatest  variety  of  agricultural 
products  of  any  state  in  the  Union. — Examine  r. 

That  is  only  because  it  is  the  largest,  dear.  Sup- 
pose the  state  of  New  York  extended  down  the 
Atlantic  Coast  as  far  as  Charleston,  South  Carolina. 
It  would  have  quite  a  variety  of  agricultural  prod- 
ucts, would  it  not  ?  If  you  see  anything  particu- 
larly creditable  in  the  circumstance  that  California 
is  as  yet  too  sparsely  settled  to  be  cut  up  into  three 
or  four  states  for  the  purpose  of  multiplying  offices 
there  is  no  objection  to  your  crowing  as  loudly  and 
shrilly  as  you  like  ;  but  please  have  the  intelligence 
to  discern,  and  the  goodness  to  state,  the  real 
grounds  of  your  gallinaceous  ululation. 


Irascible  Constituent  :  Did  you  not  promise 
before  election  to  make  a  material  reduction  in 
freights  and  fares  1 

Commissioner  Carpenter  :  I  regret  to  confess 
that  I  indubitably  did.  You  elected  a  lying  can- 
didate, but  you  have  an  independent  official.  My 
friend,  can  you  not  make  some  allowance  for 
reformation  ? 


"  It  is  a  very  bright  paper,"  said  Mrs.  Jones; 
"  but  my  husband  does  not  like  me  to  read  it.  It 
is  so  full  of  naughty  witticisms— he  says. 

"  That  is  just  what  »>;/  husband  says,"  said  Mrs. 
Smith  ;  "  but  he  brings  home  a  copy  every  week — 
having  merely  cut  out  the  improper  paragraphs. 
Of  course  I  buy  another  copy. " 

"  Then  he  might  as  well  spare  himself  the 
trouble  of  supplying  a  mutilated  one." 

"Indeed  no;  it  is  very  useful.  One  cannot 
read  an  entire  newspaper.  I  lay  his  copy  over 
mine,  and  read  through  the  holes." 


1     'J 

- 


- 


10 


THE    WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


C 


OJjUMBUS  BEEWBRY,  WAHL  &,  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CAERAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     US"  A  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  123-125  T  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    iiDVERTISERS. 

ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour" — the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 

&  RANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

JH.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


THE    GEYSERS. 

THE  GEYSERS  HOTEL  IS  NOW  OPENED  FOR 
the  entertainment  of  families  and  tourists.  Among 
the  accessories  of  this  famouss  resort  are  extensive 

Swimming  Baths  of  Clear  Mineral  Water  ;  also,  Medi- 
cated steam   Baths. 

In  addition  to  the  excellent  accommodations  of  the 
Hotel,  there  are  Pleasant  Cottages  fitted  to  minister  to 
the  pleasure  and  comfort  of  the  occupants. 

THE      SCENERY 
Surrounding  the  Geysers  is  nowhere  excelled  in  grandeur. 
The  climate  offers  an  agreeable  change  from  the  fog  and 
dust  of  the  city.     The  drives  are  superb  and  the  roads  are 
now  open. 

Terms— $3  per  day  and  $15  per  week. 

WM.   FORSYTH,  Proprietor. 


The  Cocoa  Crop  is  Short 

LOOK   OUT  FOR  ADULTERATIONS 
By    Using 

WALTER    BAKER    &  CO.'S 

Chocolate 

You  will  be  Sure  of  Securing  the  Best 

WJI.    T.    COLEMAN    A    CO.,  Sole   Agents. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain     and     Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGHES, 

511    Sansonie    Street, Comer  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

DEALERS   IN   FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310  Pansome   Street. 

SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


fisri 


New  Styles:  &'oW  Meveted £ktge and 
Ghromo  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

imtheachoraer.VLiHTOx  lis.03. &  (Jo.jCliutviiYille.CQWL, 


CARDS 


Are   You   Going   East  ? 
IZrT    SO, 

It  Will  Cost  You  No  More  Money 

To  pass  through  the  old  Historical,  most  densely  popu- 
lated, richest  and  best  portions  of  the  country  lying  be- 
tween the  PACIFIC  and  ATLANTIC,  than  it  will  to  be 
taken  through  that  which  is  sparsely  settled,  desolate  and 
uninteresting.  Hence,  when  purchasing  your  ticket,  be 
particular  to  see  that  it  reads  by  way  of  the  Grand  Old 

Burlington    Route! 


This  line  has  always  stood  in  the  first  rank  with  Call- 
fornians  and  has  carried  much  the  largest  percentage  of 
passengers  for  the  reason  that  by  this  line  only  they  are 
taken  directly  through  the 

Heart  of  the  Continent 

IF  YOU  SELECT  the  Central  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Central  Pacific  R.  R.,from  San  Francisco  to 
OGDEN,.and  the  Denver  &  Rio  Grande  R.  R.,  Ogden  to 
DENVER,  you  make  direct  connection  in  a  Grand  Union 
Depot  at  Denver  with  the  Fast  Express  Train  of  the 
'  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  either  via  Kansas  City  or 
Plattsmouth,  and  are  carried  through  to  Chicago  in  first- 
class  style.-  If  you  select  the  Northern  Route,  which  is 
composed  of  the  Central  and  Union  Pacific  R.  R's,  from 
San  Frariciseo  to  OMAHA,  you  make  direct  connection 
at  that  point  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  with  the  Fast 
Express  Trains  of  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without  change  of 
cars.  If  you  select  the  Southern  Route,  which  is  com- 
posed of  the  Southern  Pacific  and  Atchison,  Topeka  & 
Santa  Fe  railroads,  or  if  you  select  the  Central  and  Union 
Pacific,  VIA  DENVER,  you  make  immediate  connection 
with  the  Fast  Express  Trains  of  the  HANNIBAL  &  ST. 
JOSEPH,  CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  &  QUINCY 
Short  Line  in  the  Grand  Union  Depot  at  KANSAS 
CITY,  and  are  taken  through  to  CHICAGO  without 
change  of  cars,  and  on  arri.al  at  Chicago  direct  connec- 
tions are  again  made  with  all  the  Eastern  Trunk  Lines, 
giving  to  passengers  choice  of  routes  via  the  hitsorical 
Harper's  Ferry,  famous  Horse  Shoe  Bend,  or  the 
wonderful  Falls  or  Niagara,  thus  giving  you  a  continual 
panorama  of  all  that  is  must  gorgeous  in  scenery,  and 
causes  the  time  to  pass  quickly  by  as  you  speed  along  to 
your  journey's  end,  besides  being  ass'ired  of  all  that  is 
luxurious  in  traveling  across  the  continent  from  the 
Pacific  Coast  to  NEW  YORK  and  BOSTON. 

All  the  prominent  dignitaries,  both  of  this  country  and 
Europe,  when  traveling  between  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic, 
have  selected  the  "  BURLINGTON  ROUTE,"  because 
every  known  method  calculated  to  add  to  the  comfort 
and  convenience  of  passengers  has  first  been  adopted 
by  this  line. 

Ask  for  tickets  via  the  "BURLINGTON  ROUTE," 
Chicago,  Burlington  &  Quiucy  R.  R.  It  is  the  Great 
Through  Car  Line  of  America  and  Finest  Equipped  Rail- 
road in  the  world  for  all  classes  of  traveL 


Important    to    Tourists    and    Visitors. 

Hake  no  mistake.  -See  Hit.  McKAY,  at  Ills  new 
office,  33  Montgomery  Street,  before  making  arrange- 
ments for  yonr  trip  across  the  continent. 

He  will  attend  personally  to  changing  your  Through 
Tickets,  arranging  for  Sleeping  Car  Accommodations, 
Checking  your  Baggage,  and  see  that  you  are  properly 
booked  to  your  destination,  without  charge. 

Special  attention  shown  to  Australian,  \ew  Zea- 
land* China  and  Japan  Passengers. 

T.  D.  McKAY, 

General  Railway  and  Steamship  Passenger  Agent. 

32     MONTGOMERY    STREET, 
SAN    FRANCISCO. 


SPRING  1S83. 
t  A3  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  revolu- 
tion in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  $1  a  bottle,  six 
for  §5. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs,  Lebenbauni,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L  Cook  & 
Co.,  comer  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder&  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  and 
Lazalere  &  With  ram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 

GENUINE    LAGKR    BIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Brewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  best  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  &3T  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush — most 
worthy  aud  popular  gentlemen — take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  andcouiteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
SI  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 

WELLS'    "  ROUGH  ON  CORNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "  Rough  on  Corns."  Inc.  Quick  ;  com- 
plete ;    permanent  cure.     Corns,  warts,  bunions. 


STRICTLY       PURE. 

Harmless  to  the  Most    Delicate. 


■Tina  Engraving  represents  the  Luogs  [□  b>  health;  state. 


THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 


Consumption, 

Ooadis,  Colds, 

Croup. 

And  Other  Throat  and    Lung 
Affections. 


It  Contains  No  Opium  In  Any  Form ! 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  IT 
NEVER  FAILS  TO  BRING  RELIEF. 

Caution.— Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun 
the  use  of  all  remedies  without  merit. 

As  an  Expectorant  it    has  No  I'qnal. 

FOR  SALE  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 

Trade  supplied  by 

REDINGTON    &    CO.,  San  Francisco,  California. 
LAUGHLIN  &  MICHAEL, 
J.  J.  MACK  &  CO., 


PATENTSopRRftbu2iDY. 

Also  Trade  Marks,  etc.  Send  model  and  sketch,  will 
examine  and  report  if  patentable.  Many  vears  prac- 
tice. Pamphlet  tree.  E.  H.  fi£LsTO)f  Jk  CO., 
Attorneys,  Washington,  D.  G. 


THE     WASP. 


11 


OUR      ETEEMED     CONTEMPORARIES. 


To    a     Pugnacious    Young    Man. 

The  humorist  of  Peck's  Sim  li;is  been  threatened 
with  a  whipping  by  a  young  man  whose  sweetheart 
ln-oke  her  engagement  after  reading  one  of  Peek's 
articles  advising  girls  tu  let  young  men  severely 
alone  if  they  take  to  drinking.  To  the  young 
man's  threat  Peck  replies  : 

"  What  would  we  be  doing  while  such  a  youth, 
with  his  skin  full  of  benzine,  was  whipping  us  on 
sight  '(  This  young  man  has  never  whipped  any 
editors,  evidently.  He  has  never  had  to  be  carried 
out  on  a  window  shutter  to  a  hospital,  and  lie  in  a 
stupor  while  the  doctors  set  his  bones,  and  has 
never  lain  in  a  delirium  for  months,  and  seen  the 
air  full  of  sorrel-topped  editors  walking  over  him 
with  hunting  boots  on.  He  should  commence 
down  low  and  work  up  gradually  to  editors.  Let 
him  attend  a  few  ward  caucuses,  with  their  rows, 
and  take  in  a  few  summer  garden  picnics,  and  balls, 
and  prize-fights,  and  if  he  lives,  then  he  can  talk 
about  whipping  a  newspaper  man.  But  he  wants 
to  learn  to  pray,  and  it  is  best  to  bid  an  affection- 
ate adieu  to  friends,  and  pay  up  whisky  bills,  for 
there  is  nothing  that  inj  ures  a  young  man's  reputa- 
tion so  much  as  to  have  his  trunk  attached,  after 
he  had  been  buried  by  the  authorities,  for  an  old 
liquor  bill.  In  addition  to  announcing  that  our 
office  hours  for  being  whipped  at  sight  for  articles 
that  appear  in  the  paper,  are  from  8  A.  M.  to  (J  P. 
M.,  we  will  state  that  the  advice  to  girls  who  are 
engaged  to  drunkards  is  still  in  force,  and  if  they 
will  all  take  it  to  themselves  and  make  their  mothers 
happy,  we  will  take  the  chances  on  a  whipping 
from  the  drunkard  in  every  case,  and  make  them  a 
present  when  they  marry  a  sober  young  man. 
Don't  hang  on  to  any  drunkard  for  fear  he  will 
whip  us." 


The  Right  to  Hiss. 
Judge  .Tetiereys  of  Wheeling,  W.  Va.,  must  be 
accredited  with  a  degree  of  common  sense  not 
possessed  by  many  of  our  New  York  police  justices. 
Not  long  since,  a  man  was  arranged  before  him  for 
the  heinous  crime  of  hissing  a  poor  performer  in  a 
theater.  It  was  in  evidence  that  others  of  the 
audience  had  applauded  the  same  actress.  "  Did 
you  arrest  them  1  "  asked  the  Court  of  the  officer. 
''  No,  sir."  "  Did  not  the  applause  make  more 
noise  than  the  hissing  '(  "  "It  did,"  "  The 
prisoner  is  discharged,"  said  the  Court.  "The 
man  who  pays  his  money  to  see  a  theatrical  per- 
formance lias  the  same  right  to  express  his  disap- 
proval in  the  customary  way  as  to  testify  his 
approval.  The  right  to  applaud  implies  the  right 
to  hiss."  The  impudent  assumption  of  managers 
that  hissing  an  incompetent  actor  or  a  bad  play  is 
a  crime  against  the  public  peace  thus  for  once 
received  a  merited  rebuke. — The  Hour. 


A  Fossil  Parasol. 
A  most  remarkable  discovery  was  made  in  Elk- 
ton,  Neb.,  a  short  time  ago.  Some  workmen  em- 
ployed in  a  sawmill  found  the  handle  of  a  parasol 
imbedded  in  the  heart  of  an  oak  tree.  It  is  esti- 
mated that  the  tree  in  question  was  fully  four  hun- 
dred years  old,  and  from  the  position  of  the  parasol 
handle  it  was  evident  that  nearly  the  same  length 
of  time  had  passed  since  the  oak  tree  began  to  grow 
around  and  to  swallow  up,  so  to  speak,  the  parasol. 
The  most  wonderful  feature  of  the  story  is,  how- 
ever, the  proof  which  it  affords  that  parasols  existed 
on  this  continent  west  of  the  Mississippi  river  be- 
fore the  landing  of  Columbus.  This  is,  indeed,  the 
most  surprising  piece  of  knowledge  which  paleon- 
tology— if  a  parasol  can  indeed  claim  a  place  in 
paleontology — has  yet  revealed  to  us.  The  exist- 
ence of  parasols  implies  the  contemporary  existence 
of  civilized  girls.  It  need  not  be  argued  that  a 
parasol  handle  implies  a  parasol.  Although  the 
oak  tree  has  completely  assimilated  the  frame  and 
the  silk  of  the  Elkton  parasol,  leaving  only  the 
handle  for  our  edification,  there  is  not  the  slightest 
doubt  that  the  frame  and  the  silk  formerly  existed. 
In  its  original  and  complete  state  this  parasol  must 
have  been  carried  by  a  fashionable  young  lady  of  a 
highly  civilized  race,  and  it  is  extremely  probable 
that  she  lost  it  in  an  oak  grove  during  a  Sunday 
school  picnic.  It  is  understood  that  the  parasol 
handle  is  to  be  given  to  General  di  Cesnola,  who 
will  promptly  restore,  not  only  the  frame  and  the 
cover,  but  the  original  young  woman  who  owned 
the  parasol.  Of  course,  he  will  not  restore  her  in 
flesh  and  blood,  for  even  his  skill  does  not  extend 
so  far,  but  he  will  make  an  original  statue  of  her  so 


closely  joined  to  tho  parasol  handle  that  no  one 
will  doubt  that  the  two  were  found  together  in  the 
heart  of  the  oak  tree.  It  is  a  pity  that  this  story 
comes  from  the  other  bank  of  the  Mississippi.  Sad- 
as  it  may  seem,  trans-Mississippi  journalists  do 
not  always  tell  the  truth,  and  there  is  a  bare  possi- 
bility that  the  entire  parasol- handle  story  is  the 
invention  of  some  wicked  editor  who  does  not  be- 
lieve in  a  future  state. — New  York  Times, 


The    Cold    Facts. 

The  New  York  Sour  thinks  that  in  this  "  com- 
mencement day  "  season  it  would  be  a  wholesome 
change  for  the  presidents  of  colleges  to  talk  to  the 
graduating  classes  somewhat  like  this  : 

"  You  have  now  reached  the  period  when  your 
friends  ardently  hope  you  will  be  able  to  learn  a 
little  sense.  You  need  it.  You  have  been  shut 
up  in  this  town  for  four  years,  breathing  all  the 
time  an  atmosphere  full  of  exaggerated  ideas  as  to 
your  own  importance.  Our  community  turns 
around  the  college  ;  and  as  you  have  been  the  old- 
est boys  in  college  you  have  naturally  thought 
everything  depended  on  you.  When  you  get  away 
from  here  you  will  soon  see  of  how  very  little  im- 
portance you  are.  People  who  are  seriously  busy 
consider  that  you  are  mere  boys  with  a  fair  educa- 
tion, disagreeable  manners,  and  on  the  whole, 
great  nuisances — "  Horned  cattle  "  Horace  Greeley 
said  The  world  values  people  for  what  they  can 
do  ;  you  can  do  nothing  and  your  value  is  corre- 
spondingly small.  You  may  find  something  to  do, 
in  time,  on  a  small  salary  ;  and  if  you  do  you 
should  be  extremely  thankful.  In  about  five  years 
if  you  try  very  hard,  you  will  have  rubbed  off  some 
of  the  unpleasant  veneer  you  have  acquired  in  col- 
lege, and  may  be  pretty  agreeable  and  possibly 
useful.  Don't  talk  about  your  college  all  the  time  ; 
don't  wear  your  society  pins  conspicuously  ;  above 
all,  don't  boast  of  your  experience  with  women. 
The  fact  is  you  have  had  none.  Women  of  the 
world  are  very  different  from  college  widows  " 


TRUE    STORIES, 


Helped  Out. 

A  colored  man  was  busily  engftged  in  sawing 
wood  for  Colonel  Powis,  when  the  latter  observed 
that  the  bosom  of  the  man  and  the  brother,  so  to 
speak,  was  adorned  by  an  Odd  Fellow's  breast  pin. 

"  Do  the  white  Odd  Fellows  and  the  colored  Odd 
Fellows  affiliate,"  asked  Colonel  Powis. 

"  Don't  fillyate  wuf  a  cuss,  but  they  helps  each 
odder  out." 

"  Well,  that's  the  same  thing,  ain't  it  ?  " 

"  No,  sir  ;  hit's  not  de  same  ding." 

"  What's  the  difference  ?  " 

The  colored  man  stopped  sawing  wood  and  made 
the  following  explanation  : 

i(  Las'  week,  when  dat  norther  was  a-freezin  der 
marrer  in  yer  bones,  I  went  into  der  saloon  of  a 
white  man  what  totes  dis  very  same  emblem.  I 
was  in  distress — rale  distress— as  I  hadn't  had  a 
dram  dat  mornin',  so  I  gib  him  de  signal  of 
distress." 

"  Did  he  respond  ?  " 

"  He  didn't  gib  de  proper  response.  De  proper 
response  woull  hab  been  to  hab  rubbed  his  lef  ear 
with  his  right  hand,  and  to  hab  brought  out  de 
bottle." 

"  Then  he  did  not  respond  correctly  ?  " 

"  No,  sir  ;  he  made  a  motion  at  de  doah  wid 
one  hand  and  reached  under  de  bar  wid  de  other. 
I  made  de  Odd  Fellows'  signal  of  distress  once 
moan,  and  den  som'tin'  hard  hit  me  on  the  head 
and  knocked  me  clean  out  inter  de  street.  Hit  was 
de  bung  starter  what  dat  white  Odd  Fellow  had 
frew  at  me  in  response  to  de  distress  signal." 

"  Then  the  colored  Odd  Fellows  and  the  white 
Odd  Fellows  do  not  affiliate  ?  " 

t£  Just  what  I  tole  yer.  Dey  don't  fillyate,  but 
dey  helps  each  other  out.  I  was  helped  out  inter 
de  street  wid  de  bung-starter  ;  but  fillyate  means 
to  set  out  de  whisky.'1 — Siftmgs. 

Fit  to  Hoe  Corn. 
One  day  when  Bob  Burdette  was  in  New  York — 
Hawkeye  Burdette,  I  mean — he  went  to  the  then 
Evening  Express  office  and  met  the  then  managing 
editor,  Chamberlain.  Concealing  his  identity, 
Bob  told  a  touching  story  of  his  struggle  in  a  coun 
try  newspaper  office,  and  his  desire  to  try  his  hand 
at  the  metropolitan  grind.  Mr.  Chamberlain  re- 
ceived the  modest  applicant  with  great  dignity  and 
no  encouragement.  Finally  he  asked  for  samples 
of    the    ambitious    countryman's    efforts.       Bob 


handed  for  inspection  one  of  his  unpublished 
sketches  done  in  the  happiest  vein.  "  A  person 
who  writes  such  stuff  as  this,"  calmly  and  icily  ex- 
plained Mr.  Chamberlain,  "  can  never  hope  to 
succeed  in  journalism.  He  should  get  a  job  hoe- 
ing corn."  The  joke  did  not  look  half  as  funny  to 
Mr.  Chamberlain  as  it  did  to  the  always  genial 
Bob,  after  the  managing  editor  discovered  who  his 
visitor  really  was,  and  the  more  particulaaly  that 
at  the  time  the  Express  was  copying  copiously  from 
Burdette's  Sawheye  contributions. — N.  Y.  Graphic, 


Stop    Thief. 

"  Hold  on  ;  where  are  you  rushing  ?  "  asked  a 
man  of  a  neatly  dressed  fellow  who  almost  ran 
along  the  sidewalk. 

"  What  did  you  say  1  "  demanded  the  hurried 
man,  stopping. 

"  Where  are  you  rushing  ?  " 

"None  of  your  business.  I'm  not  acquainted 
with  you,  sir." 

"Well,  but  it  is  my  business.  How  much  are 
you  short  ?  " 

"  Get  out  of  the  way.     You  are  crazy." 

"  I'm  not  crazy,  either.  I'm  a  taxpayer  and  1 
have  a  right  to  know  where  you  are  going." 

"  So  am  I  a  taxpayer." 

"  Ain't  you  a  State  officer  ?  " 

"  No,  I'm  not." 

"  Pass  on  then.  I  thought  you  were  an  officer 
whose  accounts  are  short.  They  are  the  only 
people  who  hurry'  along  60,  these  days,  and  I 
though  it  my  duty  to  stop  you. — Ark.  Trawler. 


Mr.   Smith's  Baby. 

There  was  a  great  commotion  at  the  Inter-Ocean 
Hotel  yesterday  morning.  The  clerks,  porters, 
chambermaids,  bell-boys,  and  waiters  flew  around, 
upstairs  and  down,  in  the  most  reckless  and  aim- 
less inanner.  One  unacquainted  with  the  cause  of 
the  confusion  might  have  suspected  that  a  case  of 
small-pox  had  been  discovered  in  the  house.  There 
was  a  noisy  rushing  hither  and  thither  of  important 
females,  wearing  mysterious  frowns,  and  carrying 
mysterious  bottles,  and  strangely  enough,  the  foot- 
steps of  all  drifted  to  and  from  the  door  of  Mr.  and 
Mrs.  Charles  H.  Smith's  apartment.  The  motley 
calvacade  had  moved  up  and  down  the  halls  and 
stairways  and  corridors  in  a  wild  and,  weird,  un- 
intelligible sort  of  a  way  for  several  hours,  when 
finally  Mr.  Charles  H.  Smith  himself  made  his  ap- 
pearance, wearing  the  look  of  a  man  who  had  just 
emerged  in  triumph  from  a  fiery  ordeal.  His 
smile  was,  without  any  exaggeration,  seraphic. 

"  Is  it  a  boy  or  a  girl  ?"  asked  one  of  theglooniy 
retainers  in  the  hallway. 

Mr.  Smith  started  as  if  he  had  been  stabbed. 
The  triumphant  smile  vanished  from  his  face  and 
a  look  of  commingled  scorn  and  derision  took  its 
place. 

(<  No,  sir,"  replied  Mr.  Smith  in  cold,  cutting 
tones  ;  "  it  is  not  a  boy.  What  on  earth  do  you 
suppose  we  want  of  a  boy  ?  It  is  a  girl,  sir.  Alto- 
gether she  is  the  most  beautiful  creature  I  ever 
laid  my  eyes  upon,  and  I  am  going  right  out  now 
to  buy  her  a  hoop  skirt,  a  pair  of  bangs  and  a 
piece  of  chewing  gum.  She  will  be  a  great  com- 
fort tc  me— this  girl,  but  I  shall  be  very  jealous  of 
her,  and  I  propose  to  give  it  out  cold  and  fiat  that 
I  shall  make  it  very  sultry  for  the  young  men  who 
attempt  to  pay  her  any  attention  for,  well,  say  for 
the  next  fifteen  or  sixteen  years. — Denver  Tribune. 


The  Ungrateful  Burglar. 
A  Chicago  saloonkeeper,  whose  customers  were 
always  obliging  to  him,  was  one  day  asked  by  a 
burglar  to  permit  him  to  leave  a  set  of  tools  behind 
the  bar  over  night,  as  he  should  not  use  them  that 
evening.  The  saloon  keeper  said  certainly,  any- 
thing to  oblige  a  gentleman,  and  the  sack  of  tools 
was  laid  in  the  ice  box.  The  next  morning  when 
the  man  opened  his  saloon  he  found  that  the  tools 
had  got  up  in  the  night,  drilled  a  hole  in  his  safe 
and  blown  it  open,  and  stolen  all  the  hard  earned 
money,  and  the  burglar  who  owned  the  tools  has 
not  returned.  The  saloon-keeper  feels  hurt. — 
Peck's  Sun. 


COME  FROM  THE  MOUNTAINS. 
Messrs.  Thomas  Taylor  &  Co.,  the  well  known  whole- 
sale Liquor  Merchants,  formerly  of  Virginia  City,  Nev., 
have  just  established  themselves  in  our  city,  Nos.  309  and 
311  Sacramento  street.  They  will  carry  a  large  stock  of 
choice  liquors,  wines,  etc. 

DENTISTRY. 
C.  O.  Dean,  D.  1).  ti.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


SOME    GERMAN    FUN, 


A.  (taking  aim  at  a  hare  on  its  hind-legs,  in  the  tall 
grass ,  while  B.  loooks  on)  :  Now,  Bunny,  you  can 
make  your  will  ! 

B.  (after  the  shot)  :  You  are  right;  there  he  runs 
after  a  notary  ! 


Drummer. — Allow  me  to  offer  you  my  excellent 
varnish;  gives  a  fine  color,  dries  in  five  minutes, 
should  not  fail  to  he  in  any  store  or  household 
where  there  is  polished  furniture. 

Merchant. — Don't  want  it.  Been  caught  once 
already  with  such  polish. 

Drummer. — Ah  !     Have  I  oeen  here  before  ? 


A  bad  conscience.  One  tramp  cautiously  follow- 
ing another,  mutters  :  "  He  looks  very  suspicious, 
I  could  almost  bet  he  is  a  detective  !  " 


House-wife.  — My  back-door  creaks  so  badly 
that  it  makes  me  nervous. 

Visitor. — I  can  tell  you  a  very  simple  remedy  ; 
get  a  cook  who  has  an  adorer  and  the  first  day  the 
creak  will  have  gone  ! 


Assessor. — You  see,  Madam  when  your  husband 
and  I  were  students  together  we  always  helped 
each  other.  When  one  had  no  money  the  other 
paid  for  him. 

Notary. — 0,  that  was  a  pleasant  time  !  I  often 
recall  it  to  mind.  The  only  disagreeable  part  was 
that  I  was  always  the  other. 


:t  Sir,  I  beg  you  for  my  discharge." 

"  Yes,  why  so  ?  " 

."  The  young  master  has  not  boxed  my  ears  for 
two  weeks." 

"  Certainly  ;  I  have  forbidden  it  ;  are  you 
crazy  ?  " 

"  0,  not  at  all  1  You  see  I  always  received  fifty 
cents  from  him  for  every  slajj,  and  there  is  too  great 
a  vacancy  in  my  pocket-book. " 

"  Your  new  flame  is  named  Eliza,  too  !  " 
'(  Yes,  and  that  is  very  nice  for  me  ;  I  need  not 
rewrite  my  early  poetry." 


Moses  Levy  sits  with  his  little  son  in  the  gallery 
at  the  opera.  Before  the  overture  begins  the  boy 
leans  eagerly  far  over  the  railing.  "  Moses,  Moses," 
cries  the  careful  father,  "  take  care  that  you  don't 
fall  into  the  parquette,  for  down  there  it  costs  a 
dollar." 


Guide  :  This  fine  observatory  you  see  before  you, 
was  erected  in  memory  of  an  unknown  unfortunate 
who  flung  himself  from  its  dizzy  height— may  I  beg 
for  a  little  drink-money  for  the  poor  fellow  left  be- 
hind 1 

Guest  :  I  can't  use  that  sealing-wax  ;  it  is  too 
short ;   one  burns  his  ringers. 

Waiteress  :  But,  if  you  please,  how  can  that  pos- 
sibly be  1  Three  or  four  gentlemen  have  had  that 
already  and  it  was  long  enough  for  all  of  them. 


' l  I  have  only  once  fallen  on  the  neck  of  my 
mother-in-law — that  was  the  time  of  the  earth- 
quake." 


Servant  :  What  shall  I  do  with  one  boot  %  It 
was  settled  that  I  should  have  a  pair  of  boots  given 
me  every  year. 

Master  :  Quite  right,  but  you  are  just  half  a 
year  in  my  service.  That  comes  to  just  one  boot ; 
the  other  you  will  receive  at  the  end  of  the  next 
six  months  if  I  am  satisfied  with  you. 


Mutual  mistrust : 

A  :  Here  is  your  money  but  first  give  me  the  re- 
ceipt, or  else  you  won't  get  the  money. 

B  :  Here  is  the  receipt  but  first  give  me  the  mon- 
ey, or  else  you  won't  get  the  receipt. 

Translated  by  E.  F.  Dawson. 


TALK    ABOUT    THEATERS, 


'Twas  an  ill  day  for  the  managers  of  the  Bush  Street 
Theater  when  they  decided  to  bring  out  the  Wyndam 
Company  as  the  piece  dc  resistance  of  the  present  season. 
Why  that  organization  should  have  proved  such  a 
complete  failure,  is  an  unanswerable  query.  There  is  not 
a  really  poor  actor  in  the  party,  while  a  majority  of  them 
could  fill,  with  credit,  good  positions  in  any  leading  stock 
company.     The  plays  they  present  are  exceptionally  clever 


in  dialogue,  and  amusing  in  plot  and  incident.  The  play- 
ers are  carefully  drilled,  the  stage  ably  managed,  and  the 
scenery  in  perfect  keeping  with  the  general  high  tone  of 
the  performance.  Notwithstanding  all  this,  the  audiences 
have  been  so  small  that  empty  benches  have  been  the  rule 
on  almost  every  night  during  the  past  three  weeks.  It 
simply  proves  the  fact  that  the  public  is  a  whimsical  body 
who  will  neither  be  coaxed  by  managerial  sugar  plums  nor 
driven  by  journalistic  praise,  but,  having  once  taken  a 
fancy — which  is  generally  the  result  of  accident  rather 
than  judgment-  will  generously  and  persistently  patron- 
ize the  object  of  that  fancy  ;  whether  it  be  good  or  bad, 
whether  it  be  the  Barrett  Company  in  excellently  acted 
tragedy,  or  the  Pop  Company  in  excellently  padded  legs. 
The  Wyndhams  will  remain  a  week  longer  at  the  Bald- 
win, and  during  that  week  will  try  to  tempt  better  for- 
tune by  producing  a  new  and  unnamed  comedy,  which 
was  to  have  been  reserved  for  their  next  London  season, 
but  which  they  have  decided  to  test  before  a  San  Fran- 
cisco audience. 

Barrett's  engagement  at  the  California,  which  closes  to- 
night, has  been  the  most  successful  he  has  ever  played  in 
this  city,  and  he  has  a  right  to  feel  gratified  at  the  result, 
for  he  has  fairly  earned  it.  The  excellence  of  his  support 
has  been  unusual ;  a  fact  that  is  in  a  great  measure  due  to 
careful  drilling  and  good  management ;  but  especial  praise 
should  be  given  to  Mr.  Louis  James,  for  that  actor  has 
proved  himself  the  peer  of  Mr.  Barrett  in  every  play  in 
which  they  have  appeared.  The  past  week  of  this  com- 
pany has  been  devoted  to  a  medley  of  pieces,  no  less  than 
seven  having  been  produced,  and  good  acting  and  good 
houses  have  been  the  rule  ;  although  it  must  be  confessed 
that  Barrett's  "  Hamlet  "  was  one  of  the  dreariest  of  all 
the  dreary  versions. 

Janauscheck  will  begin  her  engagement  at  the  Califor- 
nia on  Monday  night  in  ZUlak  ;  a  play  that  has  won  much 
praise  in  the  East. 

The  Tivoli  is  a  musical  cottage  in  which  light  operas 
have  found  their  San  Francisco  lodging  place,  but  at  pres- 
ent the  establishment  is  entertaining  a  guest,  in  Gounod's 
Faust,  who  has  been  accustomed  to  more  lordly  quarters 
and  better  service.  However,  as  the  ill-fed  Faust  can 
make  no  complaint,  and  as  the  regular  patrons  of  the 
place  appear  to  be  gratified  by  his  presence,  there  is  no 
reason  why  others  should  find  fault. 

A  good  bill,  of  its  kind,  has  been  presented  at  the  Min- 
strels, and  the  attendance  during  the  week  has  been  fair, 
notwithstanding  the  numerous  attractions  offered  else- 
where. This  is  the  last  week  of  the  present  company,  and 
the  Standard  will  remain  closed  for  some  time  to  come. 
On  the  ISth  Emers*on  will  open  in  the  Bush  Street  with 
his  new  troupe  after  they  have  had  a  week's  practice  in 
the  country  to  prepare  them  for  the  good  class  of  work 
which  San  Francisco  audiences  demand  from  their  colored 
entertainers. 

The  Thomas  Concerts  promise  to  be  a  success  at  this 
time  of  writing,  if  a  large  advance  sale  of  seats  may  be 
taken  as  a  criterion,  although  it  is  never  safe  to  count 
upon  the  popular  patronage  as  a  certain  sequence  to  a  pre- 
assumed  favorable  verdict  by  the  so-  called  fashionable 
class.  The  choruses  have  been  carefully  trained,  and 
their  singing  at  the  last  rehearsals  was  so  good  that  their 
amateur  director  had  reason  to  feel  proud  of  the  success  of 
his  efforts.  The  public  attendance  at  these  concerts  will 
be  taken  as  a  standard  by  which  to  measure  San  Francis- 
co's appreciation  of  music  in  its  higher  form. 

Until  the  11th  of  August  next  the  Baldwin  stage  will 
be  occupied  by  all  the  companies  that  have  been  engaged  to 
appear  at  the  Bush  Street  ;  and  on  the  13th  of  that  month 
Gustave  Frohman  will  open  in  the  former  theater  with 
his  Callender  Minstrels,  who,  it  is  claimed,  will  come  one 
hundred  strong. 

On  Monday  last  the  well  known  tragedian,  Frank  C. 
Banks,  took  unto  himself  a  sixty- thousand-dollar- a-year 
wife.  His  companions  within  the  theatrical  profession 
will  welcome  the  news,  but  his  many  friends  among  the 
public  will  freight  their  congratulations  with  a  fear  lest 
this  sudden  accession  of  family  and  fortune  may  induce 
him  to  abandon  the  stage,  to  which  he  has  so  long  been  an 
ornament. 

A  private  concert  was  given  on  Wednesday  evening,  at 
Dashaway  Hall,  by  the  "  Figaro  Spanish  Students,"  as 
an  introduction  to  the  engagement  which  they  wish  to 
make  with  some  San  Francisco  manager.  Their  perform- 
ance, which  was  novel  and  charming,  readily  explained 
the  popularity  that  this  organization  has  gained  in  France, 
England,  Mexico,  and  our  Eastern  States.      The  lighter 


music,  and>  especially  the  Spanish  selections,  were  delight- 
fully rendered,  and  were  enthusiastically  applauded  by 
the  large  audience  present. 


TALK    BACK, 


[All  contributors  expecting  payment— except  those  with  whom 
we  have  an  understanding— must  either  set  a  price  upon  their 
articles  or  indicate  their  willingness  to  accept  a  price  fixed  by  our- 
selves. Declined  manuscripts  will  be  returned  if  stamps  are  sent 
for  that  purpose.  It  is  necessary  that  the  editor  know  the  full 
name  and  address  of  every  contributor.] 

J.  B.  C. — Your  handwriting  is  not  as  bad  as  you  think. 
On  the  contrary,  it  is  entirely  legible — which  makes 
it  bad  for  your  chance  of  getting  into  print. 

Johnsing. — We  can  tell  you  better  what  we  will  pay  for 
accepted  manuscripts  after  seeing  them.  We  are  a 
little  mean  about  that  just  now,  but  after  tbis  month 
are  going  to  pay  more— and  demand  better  work. 
You'd  better  try  to  get  in  ahead  of  the  new  arrange- 
ment. 

Bill  Mono.— Let  us  have  your  address,  lad,  and  you  will 
hear  of  something  to  our  advantage. 

Q.,  Monterey. — It  was  a  misprint ;  substitute  "of"  for 
"  to,"  making  the  last  line  of  the  stanza  read — 

"  Some  portion  of  His  perfect  plan," 
and  it  is  intelligible  enough.     Of  course  it  should 
have  been  "thong,"  not  "throng." 

M.  B.— The  exact  quotation  about  manuring  one's  talent 
with  the  ashes  of  one's  first  works  we  do  not  remem- 
ber, but  can  improve  the  advice.  For  example,  to 
nearly  any  one  of  our  local  poets,  we  should  say  :  Burn 
all  that  you  have  written,  leech  the  ashes,  pour  the 
lye  into  the  sea  and  move  as  far  inland  as  you  can  go. 
When  the  land  breezes  have  blown  you  bald-headed 
you  may  venture  to  write  for  publication. 

Hargrove.— No  ;  we  don't  want  anything  in  anybody's 
vein  but  your  own.  Have  the  goodness  to  remember 
that  all  that  is  valuable  in  any  writer's  style  is  the 
part  that  cannot  be  imitated.  The  part  that  can  be 
is  not  good  enough  for  us. 

Soposh. — We  find  a  mild  and  evanescent  pleasure  in 
thinking  you  a  fool. 

Clara  C. — No  ma'am  ;  the  fourth  line  of  a  triolet  is  not 
identical  with  the  first ;  in  its  initial  word,  at  least,  it 
must  differ.  Your  so-called  triolet  is  therefore  not 
regular.  N.  B.  It  is  not  meant  to  be  implied  that 
one  may  not  write  imperfect  triolets  and  remain  re- 
spectable. 

0.  M. — Your  joke  about  the  Chronicle  and  the  Argonaut 
being  both  very  good  Jewspapers  has  greatly  dis- 
tressed us. 

H.  A.  D. — If  you  H.  A.  D.  a  hope  that  your  manuscript 
would  be  not  only  accepted  but  even  read  by  the  ed- 
itor, you  will  be  disappointed  to  learn  that  you  had 
not  the  courtesy  to  acquaint  that  punctilious  gentle- 
man with  your  name  and  address.  It  has  perished  in 
its  prime.       


LITERARY    NOTES. 


The  complete  works  of  Charles  Sumner  fill  fifteen  vol- 
umnes  as  broad  as  a  minstrel  joke  and  as  thick  us  mush. 


The  terrible  Louise  Michel  is  writing  a  love  novel. 


Jim  Bennett  says  the  N.  Y.  Herald  is  paying  six  per 
cent,  on  a  valuation  of  ten  million  dollars.  We  respect- 
fully direct  the  New  York  Assessor's  attention  to  this 
noble  property. 


In  Twelve  Americans,  by  Mr.  Howard  Carroll,  we  have 
biographies  of  that  number  of  our  "most  eminent  men." 
The  list  begins  with  George  Washington  and  ends  with 
Peter  Cooper.  California  is  treated  with  the  usual  con- 
tumelious neglect. 


There  is  a  certain  fitness  in  the  circumstance  that  a 
critical  biography  of  Mr.  Walt  Whitman  has  been  writ- 
ten by  Dr.  Richard  Maurice  Bucks,  of  Toronto.  Dr. 
Bucks  is  the  superintendent  of  a  lunatic  asylum. 

Successful  Men  of  To-Day ;  What  They  Say  of  Success  is 
the  title  of  a  book  "  based  on  facts  and  incidents  gathered 
from  500  of  the  most  prominent  men  of  the  United 
States,"  says  the  author,  Mr.  Crafts.  It  is  hardly  nec- 
essary to  read  the  book;  we  know  "what  thev  say  of 
success  "  without.  They  say  it  is  the  result  of  great  abil- 
ities and  iron  integrity.      And  they  lie  like  thieves. 


THE    WASP. 


is 


EDIT0R1ALETTES. 


The  example  of  School  Director  Cahaliii  and  the 
Solid  Eight  has  traveled  like  a  pestilence.  It  has 
got  as  far  as  Oakland  and  impested  the  Free 
Library.  At  a  meeting  of  the  Trustees  on  Tues- 
day last  Mr.  Trefethen  moved  to^depose  the  assist- 
ant. Librarian  because  she  is  a  niece  of  the  Librarian, 
Miss  Coolbrith.  The  Hoard  has  a  Solid  Three  and 
it  was  promptly  done.  This  shameless  man  had 
then  the  effrontery! to  nominate  his  own  sister  for 
the  place,  and  she  was  elected.  The  indignant 
President  of  the  Board  instantly  resigned,  and  the 
other  gentleman  will  probably  do  likewise  if  he,hus 
not  done  so  already.  Having  everything  their  own 
way.  the  Solid  Three  will  then  have  an  opportunity 
to  exercise  a  noble  self-restraint  and  characteristic 
moderation  by  stealing  all  the  books  and  selling 
options  on  the  stoves. 


The  Chronicle  last  week  had  a  fancy  telegram 
purporting  to  have  been  sent  from  London  by 
the  correspondent  of  a  paper  dubbed  the  New  York 
Star.  It  furnished  to  the  Great  American  People 
a  most  "  graphic  "  description  of  Queen  Victoria's 
physical  condition.  According  to  this  shrewd, 
sapient,  and  generous  scribe,  Her  Majesty  is  de- 
stroyed by  gout,  oaten  up  by  dissipation,  and 
utterly  wrecked  by  the  demise  of  her  paramour, 
the  late  John  Brown.  We  are  willing  to  acknowl- 
edge that  if  the  man  who  wrote  this  had  had  extra 
keyhole  opportunities  he  would  have  taken  mean  ad- 
vantage of  them,  but  we  are  inclined  to  doubt  if 
he  had  a  chance  to  give  an  obscure  New  York  paper 
better  information  about  the  Queen's  habits  and 
condition  than  all  the  British  press  combined  could 
publish,  or  all  the  respectable  American  press  could 
gather.  If  a  newspaper  wishes  to  build  up  a  repu- 
tation upon  lies  it  should  lay  a  cement  foundation, 
and  not  try  to  erect  a  Babel's  Tour  of  mendacity 
upon  a  quicksand. 


The  Examiner  accuses  the  Railroad  Gang  of 
conspiring  to  abolish  the  public  schools.  This  is 
idle  nonsense.  If  our  contemporary  cannot  find 
accusations  enough  without  making  incursions  into 
the  dubious  domain  of  childish  falsehood  it  would 
do  a  better  public  service  by  supporting  the  com- 
mon enemy.  Those  who  are  fighting  injustice  can- 
not afford  to  be  unjust.  Next  to  punishing  the 
sins  of  our  antagonists,  it  is  our  dearest  wish  to 
mend  the  manners  of  our  allies. 


The  ball  is  rolling  and  growing.  To-day  there 
is  to  be  an  anti-railroad  mass-meeting  in  Stockton. 
Stockton  is  a  good  place  for  it  ;  as  the  entrepot  of 
the  great  San  Joaquin  valley  that  city  has  abund- 
ant grievance.  The  Railroad's  heavy  hand  has 
laid  its  paralyzing  palm  on  every  interest  tributary 
to  her  and  her  sister  "  cities  of  the  plain."  If  the 
San  Joaquin  country  can  stand  the  Railroad  and 
its  kept  Commissioners  they  are  good  enough  for 
San  Francisco  and  the  Bay  counties. 


The  Call  is  of  the  opinion  thatthe  "nomination  of 
Charles  A.  Dana  for  President  would  probably  be 
as  acceptable  to  the  people  generally  as  that  of  any 
other  editor  in  the  Union."  Allowing  for  a  mental 
reservation  in  favor  of  Mr.  Pickering,  we  think 
that  the  Call,  is  right.  The  "  people  ",  which 
means  the  politicians,  may  like  Dana  as  well  as  any 
other  editor,  but  that  is  only  another  way  of  saying 
that  they  hate  him.  A  veteran  editor  who  during 
many  years  has  expended  innumerable  buckets  of 
ink  in  reforming  abuses  upon  paper  might  take  a 
notion  to  wield  the  actual  sceptre  of  power  with  a 
too  vigorous  sweep. 


Commissioners  Carpenter  and  Humphreys  have 
declared  themselves  profoundly  impressed  with  a 
sense  of  the  wisdom,  justice  and  loveliness  of  the 
Railroad's  "  special  contract  "  system.  Will  they 
now  have  the  kindness  to  say  which  side  they  think 
was  in  the  right  in  the  famous  quarrel  between 
Herod  and  the  Babes  ? 


1  THISTLE    DEW.1 


This  favorite  brand  of  Whisky  from  Henry  W.  Smith 
&  Co.'s  distilleries,  Kenton  county  (Gth  district),  Ken- 
tucky, is  for  sale  by  F.  Mandlebaum  &  Sons,  312  Sacra- 
mento street,  who  are  the  sole  agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


No  Whiskey! 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  one  of  the  very  few  tonic 
medicines  that  are  not  com- 
posed mostly  of  alcohol  or 
whiskey,  thus  becoming  a 
fruitful  source  of  intemper- 
ance by  promoting  a  desire 
for  rum. 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
is  guaranteed  to  be  a  non- 
intoxicating  stimulant,  and 
it  will,  in  nearly  every  case, 
take  the  place  of  all  liquor, 
and  at  the  same  time  abso- 
lutely kill  the  desire  for 
whiskey  and  other  intoxi- 
cating beverages. 

Rev.  G.  W.  Rice,  editor  of 
the  American  Christian  Re- 
view, says  of  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters: 

Cin.,0.,Nov.  16,  1SS1. 

Gents : — The  foolish  wast- 
ing of  vital  force  in  business, 
pleasure,  and  vicious  indul- 
gence of  our  people,  makes 
your  preparation  a  necessity ; 
and  if  applied,  will  save  hun- 
dreds who  resort  to  saloons 
for  temporary  recuperation. 

Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
has  been  thoroughly  tested 
for  dyspepsia,  indigestion, 
biliousness,  weakness,  debil- 
ity, overwork,  rheumatism, 
neuralgia,  consumption, 
liver  complaints,  kidney 
troubles,  &c,  and  it  never 
fails  to  render  speedy  and 
permanent  relief. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No  other  disease  is  bo  prevalent  in  this  co 
try  as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
Dll  F^i  THIS  distressing  c 
r  IFabOi  plaint  is  very  apt  to  be 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
curea  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 
43-  E5*If  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 

PRICE  $1.1  USE   I    Drugeist^Sel 


KIDNEY-WORT 


Mental   depression,  weakness  of  the  muscular  system, 
general  ill-health,  benefitted  by  using  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY. 

I-  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY, 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  tha  evlt  effects  of 
yuuUiful  foil  ion  and  excesses. 

UK.  ]U  IK  TIB,  who  la  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  or  [he  University  of  Pennsylvania, 
will  agree  to  forfeit  Five  Husdrrd  Dollars  for 
:■■■■■■  :■■  ■■  i.  ':■!  the  VITAL  lU.siiilMTIVI! 
(under  In  special  advice  and  treatment)  wlU 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  tha 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  any  address,  confi- 
obnttilly,  by  A.  E.  J1INTIE.  M.  D-,  No.  II 
Kearny  Street,  8.  F.     Send  for  pamphlet. 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
lor  and  aae.   Strict  secrecy  in  ell  tran«aotioni 


"A  PROPHET  IS  NOT  WITHOUT  HONOR  SA\  K 
IN  HIS  OWN  COUNTRY." 

The  triteness  of  the  application  of  this  old  proverb  baa 
again  been  demonstrated  in  the  the  case  of  Arpad  Kar- 
aszthy  &  Co.'a  "Eclipse"  Champagne.  The  prejudice 
heretofore  generally  existing  against  a  home  production 
is  being  rapidly  dispelled  in  this  case.  It  is  a  known  fact 
that  foreign  wines  are  iieo.-s>:iril>  J'ortilivd  to  contain  from 

13  per  cent.  to»15  per  cent.,  whereas  the  "Eclipse1  eon- 
tains  less  than  11^  percent.,  the  natural  alcoholic  strength, 
and  thus  accounts  for  the  absence  of  headache,  even  when 
indiscreetly  used.  The  introduction  of  inferior  foreign 
grapes  into  "French"  wines  owing  to  the  failure  of  the 
crops  of  France,  as  well  as  consequent  wholesale  adulter- 
ation, are  further  causes  for  the  growing  popularity  of 
"Eclipse"  Champagne,  which  is  produced  in  the  Bame 
manner  as  are  all  standard  imported  brands;  l.  <.,  fer- 
mentation in  the  bottle. 

Constipation,  liver  and  kidney  diseases  are  cured  by 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  which  enriches  the  blood  anil 
strengthens  the  whole  system. 

A    GOOD    SAFE. 

The  Cincinnati  Safe  and  Lock  Company  have  estab- 
lished an  agency  in  this  city,  northeast  corner  Market  and 
Davis  streets,  for  these  renowned  Safes.  They  are  Im- 
proved, Fire-proof,  Unpickable  and  sold  cheaper  than  any 
other  safe  on  the  Pacific  Coast.  Messrs.  Mighell  &  Rich- 
ards are  sole  agents,  as  above. 


&3T  A  pint  of  the  finest  ink  for  families  or  schools  can 
be  made  from  a  ten-cent  package  of  Diamond  Dye.  Try 
them. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
TJ.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  18S3.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  ha3  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

"  ROUGH  ON  RATS." 

Clears  out  rats,  mice,  roaches,  flies,  ants,  bed-bugs, 
skunks,  chipmunks,  gophers.     15c.     Druggists. 

BUENHAM'S    ABIETENE. 

No  compound  but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar 
kind  of  fir.  Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.  A 
specific  for  Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the   "WASP"   on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


L.  R.  ELLERT  &  CO, 

Drrj.o.'S'ists. 

The  attention  of  our  readers  is  invited  to  that  elegant 
little  Pharmacy  at  the  corner  of  California  and  Kearny 
streets,  formerly  owned  by  Painter  &  Vreeland. 

Messrs.  ELLERT  &  CO.,  who  have  lately  succeeded 
them,  have  had  an  extended  experience  as  Pharmacists, 
and  with  a  full  supply  of  fresh  Drugs,  Perfumery,  fine 
Toilet  Articles  and  everything  requisite  for  a  well  ap- 
pointed Drug  Store,  they  feel  confident  that  they  can 
offer  suitable  inducements  to  the  public  as  will  make  it  to 
their  interest  to  give  them  a  call.  Their  Prescription  De- 
partment is  made  a  specialty,  and  as  they  do  not  pay  a 
percentage  to  Physicians,  those  who  are  compelled  to 
have  prescriptions  filled  are  assured  that  only  a  reason- 
able price  will  be  charged  for  the  same.  If  you  need 
anything  in  their  line,  give  them  a  call  and  you  may  be 
assured  of  prompt  and  courteous  attention. 


/ETNA 


Hot  Mineral  Springs 

N  O  W OP  EN^ 

Situated  16  miles  east  of  St.  Helena,  in  Pope  "Valley, 
Sonoma   County. 
8ST  These  waters  closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany 
in  analysis  and  salutary  effects. 

Board  ami  ISailis,  $10  per  WccK. 
The   .(Etna   Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  daily 
(Sundays  excepted)  at  1  P.  M.,  connecting  with  the  8  A. 
M.  train   from   San    Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Spring! 
at   5:30  P.  M.     Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlets  to 
W.    H.   LIDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  §5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress II.  HaMjKt  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


NEWSPAPER     ENTERPRISE, 


The  latest  phase  of  the  friendly  spirit  of  rivalry 
which  always  animates  the  breasts  of  our  local 
editors,  takes  on  the  shape  of  mendacious  reports 
of  the  efforts  of  their  respective  papers  to  find  Gen- 
eral Crook.  The  Chronicle  started  the  fashion  by 
ordering  two  or  three  of  its  most  talented  young 
men  to  go  into  the  back-office  and  write  up  thrill- 
ing accounts  of  their  perilous  adventures  while 
attempting  to  reach  Crook  in  the  depths  of  the 
Sierra  Madre.  Of  course  the  Call  wouldn't  be  out- 
done by  any  such  dodge  as  this.  Its  gifted  staff 
was  promptly  transformed  into  a  "  cordon  of 
special  correspondents  "  and  two  or  three  "  Call 
expeditions  ",  which  we  are  told  are  fully  armed 
and  equipped  and  determined  "  to  do  or  bust "  in  the 
matter  of  saving  Crook's  scalp.  It  will  now  be  in 
ordor  for  the  Temescal  Tri/pod  and  the  San  Leandro 
Sand-Blccst  to  get  their  work  in  by  organizing 
"  special  expeditions  "  in  search  of  lost  lizards  and 
stray  fleas.  The  expense  of  such  enterprises  begins 
and  ends  with  the  printer's  bill,  if  we  except  post 
mortem  punishment  for  lying,  and  the  perils  there- 
of consist  mainly  in  the  danger  of  being  sunstruck 
on  the  voyage  from  the  sanctum  to  the  Bier  Halle 
and  back. 


TWO     FRENCH     ANECDOTES, 


A  bon  mot  by  Manet,  the  artist  who  has  just 
died  : — 

Ten  or  twelve  years  ago,  while  visiting  the  gal- 
leries of  the  Madrid  Museum,  at  the  same  time  as 
his  colleague,  (Jerome,  the  latter,  in  full  glory,  had, 
it  appears,  pretended  not  to  recognize  the  impres- 
sionist, who  was  then  struggling  against  the  in- 
difference of  the  public. 

Sometime  later  Manet,  who  had  become  famous, 
met  Gerome  at  an  evening  party  and  spoke  to  him 
about  his  slight  at  Madrid. 

"  I  supposed,"  replied  Ge'rome,  "  that  you  were 
travelling  incognito. " 

"  It  is  only  thieves  and  princes  who  travel 
incognito  ?  "  replied  Manet,  proudly  holding  up 
his  head. 


Apropos  of  decorations. 

At  a  recent  fete  at  the  Austrian  court  the  Em- 
peror noticed  an  English  gentleman  wearing 
around  his  neck  the  badge  of  an  unknown  order. 

"  Who  is  that  stranger  1  "  he  asked  of  one  of  his 
chambermaids. 

"  I  do  not  know,  sire." 

Asking  a  second  chambermaid,  and  receiving 
the  same  reply,  the  Emperor  became  impatient, 
and  accosted  the  English  gentleman. 

"  You  are  from  London,  sir  1  " 

"Yes." 

"  I  am  happy  to  see  you  at  my  court.  However, 
the  order  you  wear  is  not  English. " 

' '  No,  sire. " 

"  Ah  !  and  of  what  country  is  it  1  " 

The  Englishman,  with  an  air  of  modest  pride  : 
"  Sire,  it  is  an  order  of  my  own  composition  !  " 

It  appears  now  that  the  Pope  is  absolutely  in- 
fallible on  all  questions — except  when  his  views  are 
opposed  to  those  of  Irish  Catholics.  Just  at  that 
point  his  infallibility  crumbles  into  dust  and  His 
Holiness  is  "  intoirely  wrong,  so  he  is."  This  is 
not  the  sort  of  Pontiff  we  should  care  to  be.  We 
shouldn't  mind  dropping  the  robe  of  infallibility  in 
a  matter  where  the  Irish  declared  we  were  right  ; 
indeed  we  should  be  convinced  that  in  such  a  case 
we  must  necessarily  be  wrong.  But  let  the  cir- 
cumstances be  reversed  and  we  should  at  once  pawn 
the  tiara  and  resign. 

One  of  the  latest  lies  is  to  the  effect  that  the  two 
most  intelligent  hens  are  owned  by  a  Louisville 
lady,  who  keeps  a  grocery.  One  of  them  lays  in 
the  safe  in  the  kitchen,  so  that  the  cook  can  always 
have  a  fresh  egg  for  the  cake  ;  and  the  other  lays 
in  the  grocery,  so  that  customers  may  be  supplied 
at  once  with  a  fresher  article  than  can  be  got  from 
the  country.  If  any  other  ambitious  amateur  An- 
anias can  do  better  than  this,  let  him  shell  out. 

"O!  please,  Leonie,  arrange  it  so  that  I  shall 
not  sit  at  table  next  to  the  captain.  I  shall  be  sea- 
sick if  I  sit  by  a  naval  officer." 

At  this  season  of  the  year  the  carpet  man  has 
the  floor. 


If"      CELEBRATED       1^ 


fclifTERS 


Hostetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters meets  the  requirements 
of  the  rational  medical  phi- 
losophy which  at  present 
prevails.  It  is  a  perfectly 
pure  vegetable  remedy,  em- 
bracing the  three  important 
properties  of  a  preventive, 
a  tonic  and  an  alterative.  It 
fortifies  the  body  against 
disease,  invigorates  and  re- 
vitalizes the  torpid  stomach 
and  liver,  and  effects  a  salu- 
tary change  in  the  entire 
system. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
-and  Dealers  generally. 


fliM limit) 


NERVE 


h  SPECIFIC  FOR 

Epilepsy, 
Spasms^  Convul- 
sions, Falling 
Sickness,  S ..  Vitus 
Dance,  Alcohol- 
ism, Opium  Eat- 
ing, 

Scrofula,     Kings 
Evil,  Ugly  Blood 
Diseases,  Dyspep- 
sia, Nervousness, 
\Sick    Headache, 
Rheumatism, 
Nervous  Weakness,  Brain  Worry,  Mood  Sores, 
Biliousness,  Costiveness,  Nervous  Prostration, 
Kidney  Troubles  and  Irregularities.    $1.50. 
Sample  Testiinoninls. 
"Samaritan  Nervineis  doing  wonders. 

Dr.  J.  O.  McLemoin,  Alexander  City,  Ala. 
"I  feel  it  my  duty  to  recommend  it." 

Dr.  D.  F.  Linighlin,  Clyde,  Kansas. 
"It  cnred  where  physicians  failed.1' 

Rev.  J.  A.  Edie,  Beaver,  Pa. 

,8£5=  Correspondence  freely  answered,  "v&ft 

The  Dr.  S.  A.  Richmond  Med.  Co.,  St.  Joseph,  Mo. 

For  testimonials  and  circulars  send  stamp.    (7) 

At  Druggists.     C.  N.  Critteiiton,  Agent,  N.  Y. 


mmm 


H.  R.  Macfarlane. 


Geo.  W.  Macfarlane. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

FIRE-PROOF     BUILDING, 52    QUEEN     STREET, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian  Islands. 


The  tied  in  the  affairs  of  men — Wives. 


GOLD    QUARTZ    JEWELRY.  - 

Eastern  visitors  intending  to  purchase  California  quartz 
jewelry  should  pay  a  visit  to  the  manufacturing  establish- 
ment of  Hugh  Mauldin,  208  Sutter  street. 


The  drunkard  swills  alcohol.  Wise  men  use  Samaritan 
Nervine,  the  king  of  all  remedies. 

"  Our  child  had  fits.  The  doctor  said  death  was  cer- 
tain. Samaritan  Nervine  cured  her."  Henry  Knee,  Ver- 
rilla,  Tenn.     At  Druggists. 


%*  "  Great  haste  is  not  always  good  speed.'1  Yet  you 
must  not  dilly-dally  in  caring  for  your  health.  Liver, 
kidneys  and  bowels  must  be  kept  healthy  by  the  use  of 
that  prince  of  medicines,  Kidney- Wort,  which  comes  in 
liquid  form  or  dry — both  thoroughly  efficacious.  Have  it 
always  ready. 

>  ^  * 

Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace' 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

FLIES  AND  BUGS. 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rat3."    15c. 


*  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegetable  Compound  is  daily 
working  wonderful  cures  in  female  diseases. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbbltng  Bbos Proprietors  and  Manager* 

Second  week  and  unbounded  auccess  of  Gounod's 
Grand  Lyric  Drama,  in  Seven  Tableaux. 

IE1     _A_     ~U~     S     T     . 


Elegant  Costumes,  enlarged  Chorus  and  Orchestra  and 
a  powerful  cast. 


AMUSEMENTS. 

Grand  Musical  Festival 

—   UNDER   THE  DIRECTION   OF  — 

THEODORE  THOMAS, 

—  TO    BE    HELD    AT    THE  — 

Mechanics'    Pavilion 

—  ON    THE    EVENINGS    OP  — 

June  7th,  8th,  9th,  Nth  &  12th, 

—  AND   AFTERNOONS   OF  — 

June   llth    and    13th. 

Seven    Grand   Programmes, 

Embracing  the  widest  range  of  composition,  will  be  rend- 
ered by  the 

Theodore   Thomas'    Grand     Orchestra 

OF    SIXTY    PERFORMERS, 
In  conjunction  with  the  following  soloists  : 

MISS  EMMA   THURSBY, Soprano 

MRS.   E.   HUMPHREY- ALLEN Soprano 

MRS.  ANNIE  HARTDEGEN, Soprano 

MRS.   BELLE  COLE Contralto 

MR.   FRED.   HARVEY Tenor 

MB..  FRANZ  REMMERTZ Basso 

—  AND    — 

MADAME  JULIE  RIVE-KING, Solo  Pianist 

The  sale  of  SINGLE  CONCERT  tickets  will  begin  on 

Monday      Next, 

At  9  o'clock  A   M.,  at  the  music  stores  of  M.  Gray, 

Kohler  &  Chase,  and  Sherman  &  Clay  ;  also, 

at  the  White  House, 

FOR        BOXES        ONLY. 


PRICES: 

RESERVED  SEATS  (single  concerts), . . .  .SI,  S2  and  S3 

(according  to  location), 
BOX   SEATS  (single  concerts), S3,  S4  and  $5 

(according  to  location). 


Orders  by  mail,  telegraph  or  telephone,  to  any  of  the 
above-mentioned  ticket  offices  will  receive  prompt  and 
careful  attention. 

ItECKEK   BKO'S   PIANOS  nsnl  at  Thomas'  Concerts. 


Emerson's  Standard  Theater. 

War.   Emerson, Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

EVERY   EVENING   AND   SATURDAY   MATINEE. 

EMERSON'S     MINSTRELS. 

Our      Star      Company 

GREAT     PROGRAMME . 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Balcony , 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.     No  extra  charge  to 
reserve.     Telephone,  5094. 


THE     WASP. 


10 


PACIFIC    COAST  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

Steamer  of  thlsOommnj  wffl  nil  From  Bi 

Isoo,  for  ports  in  California,  Oce- 
ana   Idaho  Territories,    Britinh 
Columbia  mid  Alaska,  as  follows  : 
California    'mmi [hint    GMSfl    Kuutv.     Thl 
ZAJBA   ami    AM'iiN    aal]  %t   9  a.  IL   roi 

■i  ■  -i   follows  : 

ORIZABA.  LOth,  20th  and  30th  of  eacl  CON,  5th,  l&th 

■ ith     The  Si 

Wednesday  at  8  a,  u.  foi  B  Imeon,  Cay- 

neaa,  San  Lub  Obispo  Qarlota,  Banto  Barbara  and  Ban  Buena- 
ventura. 

Bntl»h    <  ulumhlii    iiml     Alaska    Koute. 
II>Ailo,    carrying    U.    S.    Malls,  sails   from   Portland,   i 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Porl  W.  T.,  Vic- 

tori  a,  and  Naiiaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Mangel,  Sitka  and  Harrisbuig, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townacnd  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound.  ._  San  PranclscO  on  the  I 

kiuii  month. 

Tictorlunnd  Pucrt  SimiikI  Itoutf.  TIm  Steal 
ELDElt  and  DAKOTA, carrying HerBrittenicMajesty'sand  United 
States  malls,  Ball  from  Broadwaj  Wharf,  Srin  Francisco,  at 
%  p.  m..  even  Frlilay.  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port  Towns- 
end,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Stoilacoom  and  Olympjn,  making  close 
connection  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Caaslai 
Mines,  Kanahno,  and  all  other  im- 

portant point*.    Returnin  tie  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 

p.  m.,  every  Frldayi  and  Victoria  (Esquimanlt)  at  11  a  m., 
every  Saturday. 

Note.-  Our  Steamer  VICTORIA  *ails  for  New  Westminster  and 
Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as  per  advertisements  in  the  San 
Francisco  Alt  a  or  Gl'idk. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Bout*-.— The  Orejron  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, can-vine  the  United  States  Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co. 'a 
Express.  Salllllg  dnyg  May  Sd,  6th,  9th,  12th,  15th,  18th,  21st, 
30th  and  everj  following  third  day  for  Portland  and 
Astoria,  Oregon. 

Eureka  ami  Humboldt  Bay  Bonle.— Steamer  CITY  OF 
CHESTER  sails  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 
(Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.  m. 

Point  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route. -Steamer  CON- 
STANTINE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  U. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,. Cuff ey 's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street, 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 

GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 

BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

EstaMiHlicd  ......  igsfj 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

iiu.iranfced  for  Teu  Years. 

THE    MOST    ELEGANT    STOCK    OF    BILLIARD    AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

9  45     Folsom     Street, 

NEAR       SIXTH. 
Prices  20  per  cent.  Lower  than  any  other  House  on 

(lie     t'OKHl. 

t&  SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE.  "BS 

Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       .      —       .       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansonie  street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 

THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 

No.  213  SANSOME  STREET,  SAN  FBANOISOO,   OAL. 

Morris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  2i   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


THE       SCENIC       LINE. 

SOUTH  PACIFKT  COAST  R.  R. 

<»iiki;ii|(i.    iLiiiiiii.-i.    Newark,   Baa    Joae*   Loi  Gatoa, 
Glesw I,  i  rii. m.  iti-  Trees  and  Baata  (ru 

P  TREES  , 

■ 

SANTA  CRUZtl 
Equipment  and  ro 

8,QA  A.  M . .  - >  ii.    Weal  Bai    i  idro,  Rus- 

•  OU  sella, 

r  jose,  i 

I  ■  i  rl     .  ■ 

■ 

2 ,Qn  P.  M,  (Si  ■.  Express  :  M1 

•  OU    Newark,  Cent*  n 
JOSE,  Los  Gatos  and  ever}  station  >■    SANTA  CMJ2G,  arriving 
■I    P.  M     Parlor  car. 

4.QA  P.  M.  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN"  JOSE,  Los  OatOS  and 
■  OU  Intermedial  stations. 

Stages  connect  with  ail  trains  for  CONGRESS  SPRINGS  at  Loe 
Gatos.  Throngfa  fare,  9250.  Round  trip 
Ail  Sundays,  A  Special  Passenger  Train  Leaves  San  Jose 
Uls  at6;2S  P.  M.,  arriving  at  San  Francisco,  S:30. 
qjf?  EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ  AND  $8.50  TO  SAN 
iD  0  .Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
crush  ■.. 

&n  Bxenrstons  to    BIO   TREES  or   SANTA    CRUZ,   BVWH 
VQ       Sunday,  8:30  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAMt    AND    ALAMEDA. 

§0:30— 7:30— «:30—  9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  «[12:30— 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—15:^0—7:30—10:30  and  Ll:35  P.  M. 

From  Fourteenth  anil  Webster  streets.  Oakland— §5:57 
—§6*7—7:67—8:52—9:52—10:52  -111:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52— 4:52— 5:52— fl:52  -10'52  11'52,  At  7'52  P.  M.,  daily,  for 
Alameda.  Sundays,  only  to  San  Prai 

From  High  street,  Alauieda-§5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:35-9:35 
—10:35—1111:35  A.  M.  12:35-1:35-2:35-3:35-4:35—5:35-6:35 
—10:85— 1135  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     11  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
«ith  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries,  etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.    Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  282  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F.  ;    Twelfth  and   Webster,   Oakland;     Park   street,  Alameda. 

A-  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

May  15th.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 

D-B  THOMAS   HALL'S 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH   THEIR   UNIQ1  i:   AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OF  RIVER 
and  Rail    Tr.  i  .  i       .  . 

N'H-tlr. 

Ip  (he  <  oliiniMa     1  Pendleton,  VraHa 

VVruL,   Dayton,  U  bi   i w,  uid 

■ 

I  H  Ihe    Pi  nd  d'Oi  eille    UlvM..i 

.    ■  ; 

Northern  Idaho  and  Montana; 
Dp  the  WDJamettc  Valley    To  Oregon  City.S 

■■■  mtiful  country  of  Southern  •  >r< 
Down  the  *  olmnbia    Thro  uictun  sque  scene- 

ry to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points. 
Over  t«  Timet  Sound  -To  ittlo,  Port 

.   Belinghani  Baj     n  section  unrivaled  for 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  pi    3] 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dally  Stages  connect  with  u  3  .Fork  Division, 

direct  for  Missoula  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN        MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon 

San  Francisco  ofuee-  214  Montgomery  St. 

'.863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


P£BBLE    SPECTACLES! 


ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

A  deiighuulf  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicel  qualities  excels  anv 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

£5TForsale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


fl»  C    4-f\  AAA  ]i  r  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 


I  Address  Stisson  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


MULLER'S  optical  depot 

135  Montgomery  St..  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of   defective   vision 
'horoughly   diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^-AT  TWO  HOUES'  NOTICE..*! 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  5  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  ASEHT3    FOB.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifugal  Machines, 

Reed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont.  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


BURR  &  FINK, 


620     Market     Street, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


Merchant    Tailors. 


°ftk*WSb 


m>T0r 


*?^  .^^—•••',    ■-. 


|iy  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES  "---RocTGV^rprrened- 


Pure,  Mild,"       __     ALLEN  &  GINTER, 
^Fragrant  and  Sweet.       ^n„„nxrn,„T^  .irn.m»n*.   t». 


POPULAR    PRICES! 

LARGE    STOCK:! 
CHOICE  WOOLEN 


ICOXiI*  m\  H  e  rn  AUiOB 


POPULAR   TA'LOQ! 

Men's  and  Coys' 

Ready-IVIade  Chthing. 


PQPUL^fi    OTYLES  ! 

IV.  en's    Furnishing     Goods. 
And  Fancy  Neckwear. 


Samples  with  Instructions  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.  816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  Francis 


Alnm 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  aflfl  Bi-Carb.  Sofia 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros.  £  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


AN 
Extraordinary 


Razor 


AS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN*8 
■  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
la  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  is  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  In  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  $3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  In 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mall  10c.  extra  or  C.  O.  D. 

The  (fcneeiTa  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  same  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


DANICHEFTT 
Kid  Gloves  -1- 

ALWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  Ii9  Dupont  Street, 

Bet  Geary  and  Poat San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

I    J.    D.    SPBECKtXS    &    BKO'S, 

S'.'I     Market     Street, 
OWNERS  OF 

SprecVsels'Line   of   Packets. 

Paekages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


SSIBEEIAN-    :B^HLS-A-:m: 

,OURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold-,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

r»EPOT.    415    MOVTOtlMEBY    STREET.  For  sale  by  nil  Druggist*. 


W*a-AsK    For  Q 

ILLOWS    DE 


For 

WS    DEER 

Brewed  by  0.  FATJS8  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

8.  E.  Oor.  Mission  anri  19th  Sta. ,  San  Francisco. 


ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

BC0CB880K  TO 

MASSEY     &     YUNG, 

No.    £51    8.ICSUIK.VID    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.      But  Feajjoxsco. 


"JESSE  MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior    in 

QUALITY. 


KOHXER  A  4'HASE,  1ST  to  139  Put  St., 
Sole  Ageots  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiauo 

Also  for  the 
FIKCHEB  and  the  EMERSON  Plnn<w. 

Cash  or  installments.    Largest  Piano  and  Music 
House  on  the  Coast. 

H.  R.  U'illi.ul,  Jr.  a,  Ca&uslb. 

A.    CARLISLE    &   CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

Ran    Francisco 


Moore, 

Y 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

H.  B.  Hunt, 

San  Francisco. 


PaE.vnas  Sxlbt,  Sup'L 


H.  B.  Unbhrhill,  jB.,8ec*y. 


Selby    Smelting:    and    Lead    Co. 

MAmjrAOTURaBa  or  — 

Lead  Pipe,  8  leet  Lend,  Snot,  Bar  Lead,  Pig  Lead,  Solder,  Anti-Friction  Metal,  Lead 

Saab  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin,  Pipe,  Bine  stone.  Etc. 

Office.    416    Monigomery   Street,      -  San    Francisco. 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Ores  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER   FOR   THE 

fTTXHITE    flORE    FLOTJIR 

\I\f  MANUFACTURED    BT    THE 

"    ™  Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 


t3T  See  loenl  notice  in  another  column. 


H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

rVt.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  FranclBoo, 

THE   NEVADA  BANK 

OF    SAW    FRANCISCO. 
Capital  Paid  Up        -      .         $3,000,000 
Reserve  U.  s.  Bonds    -       -     4*500.000 

Agency  at  New  York  62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  (tells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits, 

This  Bank  ha*  special  facilities  (or  dealing  in 
Bullion. 

N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLS  AGENTS  FOR 

"GOLD  DUST"   WHISKEY 

413   Clay    Street, 
SAN  FRANCISCO.  Canfornia. 


PianoS 


ChickeTlng&  Sona.Boston;  Bl-nthneT.Ireiprig; 
F.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  u.  Scnwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS   TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NFAB  MARETTT.  SaN  FHANnsrO. 


J.  J.  Palm  br. 


Vauuttlkb  Rby. 


BSTQTJP       KEXTTTCKY       WHISKEYS 


IMMOND'S 


II 1 1 1 U  (1 II I  111  1 1 1  Li  11 U 1 ' 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 

In  the  World. 

ask:  your. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


w 

H 

I 

TBI 
Y 


"'"DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "W 


PALMER  &  KEY, 

|      Importers  orPrlatlngand-Llthosraptilng 

jPHESSES 

And       Material. 

I  Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Baboock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

I  WareroomK.40><M07Naiisom«St.S  F 

We  have  ou  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
{  second-hand  printing  presses. 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

SCOCESSOKU     TO 

Craig    and   Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And    EMBALBIEES, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Kooms  In  the  State. 

All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  S047. 


DRINK  FALK'S   MILWAUKEE  BEER. 


«K3r  HARDWOOD    LUMBER .-. i °fta» XOfEZSSu. 


DOANE  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  Goods  House-132  Kearny  St.,sutter. 


THE  UNIVERSAL 

BENEVOLENT  ASSOCIA- 
TION of  California  for  Un- 
married Persons. 

OFFICE,  1038  MISSION   STREET. 


NO   CURE,     NO    PAY  I 

T\R.  MacLENNAN,  Vital  Core,  224  Kearny  ut. 

*+  Consultation  Free.  For  the  thorough  treatment 
and  quick  euro  of  all  ourable  diseases  without  the  use 
of  poisonous  drugs,  painful  surgery  or  dangerous 
treatment.  The  most  hopeless  cases  taken  and  cured 
after  all  other  means  have  failed.  $1,400  will  be 
green  for  any  of  oar  published  testimonials  that  are 
not  genuine. 

Hen.  E.  C.  MARSHALL,  Attomey-OenenJ  for  Cal- 
ifornia, cured  by  Dr.  MacLennarj  of  nervous  prostra- 
tion 1b  a  few  treatments. 

HOB.  CHAfi.  CKOCKER,  "the  railroad  million- 
aire," cured  of  Rheumatism  m  three  treatments. 

Profeesorr  D.  GONZAL1Z  was  given  up  by  his  phy- 
sieiaB  to  die  ef  sapped  vitality  and  paralysis  ;  was 
carried  perfectly  helpless  to  Dr.  HacLennan  and  cur- 
ed, now  says —  In  less  than  one  month  1  was  enabled 
to  resume  my  occupation  as  Professor  of  Music  and 
violinist  at  the  Tivoli  Opera  House,  and  ever  since  (for 
over  a  year)  have  continued  in  good  health,  without 
the  slightest  return  of  my  weakness  or  disease.*4 

Dr.  J.  WILMHURST,  M.  D.,  JL  R.  C.  S.,  now  at 
Aobetsford  House,  says — "  My  hearing  is  completely 
restored  by  Dr.  MacLennan'B  manipulation  alone." 

Rev.  A.  C.  GILES,  Mendocino,  CaL,  says—  "The 
effect  which  your  treatment  had  upon  me  is  truly 
wonderful.    Altogether  I  feel  hke  a  new  man." 

Miss  EMMA  JAMES,  San  Leandro,  CaL,  for  ds 
years  a  crippled  invalid,  unable  to  stand  or  walk  ; 
grven  up  by  over  a  dozen  doctors ;  took  two  weeks' 
treatment  of  Dr.  MacLennan  and  recovered. 

Mr.  A  WALWORTH,  capitalist,  Nevada  City,  came 
to  Dr.  MacLennan  on  two  crutches  and  returned  home 
in  eight  days  without  them' 

Mr.  J.  8.  BURLINGAME  left  Eureka,  Nev.,  on  a 
stretcher.  After  taking  a  few  treatments  of  Dr.  Mac- 
Lennan he  returned  home  a  well  man. 

Aad  over  7,006  others,  which  will  be  sent  free  to 
any  address,  or  upon  application  at  the  office  of  the 
VITAL  4  UltE,  ftM  Kearny  SU  No  charges 
mutate  unlet*  a  cure  Is  effected. 

DR.  J.  D.  MacLEfc-N  Afti, 

Consulting  Physician. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal . 


VALENTINE    HAS8MER,    933  Washington  St;,  or.  Powell,  8.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118   SFTTER    STREET San  Fnidm,  CaL, 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

Manufacturers   of 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

230  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  FnuHdHeo. 

JJJO.  F.  LOBSE,  Secy  HiDs  at  Santa  Ora.      -  Post  OlBoe  Boa,  2036. 


FIRE.  MARINE, 

the  Largest  tacifio  Coast  insurance  Compaoj 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 91,210.000 

HOME  OFFICE! 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 
IX  J.  Staples,  President 

Alpheus  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  Dltton,  Secretary. 

E.  W.  Cabpenteb,  Assistant  Secretary 


0.  L  HCTCHTSBON.  H.  B.  MANN. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AQENCT, 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome'Sts 

CASH  ASSETS  BEPRESENTED .'.'."... $23,813,618 
w.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  Agents  and 
Adjusters,  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE   and  ***&£%?'  MARINE. 

*15  CALIFORNIA  ST.,  SAW  FRANCISCO. 
Capital,    ;       i       ;    9300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— a  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Pres.;  Ed.  E  Potter,  Secjy  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R.  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie* 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetscn,  J.  J.  McKlnnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barsbm,  a  L.  Dingley,  J.  M. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC   DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
400  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  8.  P. 


S    J      PE  MBROKE      wtMmMt"  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  mo<  kt,, 


and  Art  Brto-a-Brac 


.epa^  212  O'FARRELL  ST.,  S^rEKS* 


AS  A  BEVERAGE,     ■ 
AS  A  REMEDY, 


NECTAR ! 
-     SOVEREIGN  ! 


AS  AN  APPETIZER, 
AS  A  WHOLE, 


UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED ! 


An  Unfailing  Cure  for  all  Malarial  Diseases,  Dyspepsia  and  Debility. 


^OL.  10. 


y?3  6o 


igjttffgyfCfl^ClD      JUNE     2^Tl883 


^gggfi?  ,»r*gr  MsrWKjrwwmscc  eM.  ^  Aawrw  ^  rMjMMirx/M, 


rwacrty  ■  ry? -Af/9/ts-  jr  sscowo  a*ss  jfjrss 


FOR     POUNDKEEPER.     FLEET     STROTHER 


THE    WASP 


THE     PSORIAD, 


An  Epic  Translated   from  the  Ancient  Gaelic. 


The  king  of  Scotland,  years  and  years  aso, 
Convened  his  courtiers  in  a  gallant  row 
And  thus  addressed  them  : 

"  Gentle  sirs,  from  you 
Abundant  counsel  I  have  had,  and  true  : 
What  laws  to  make,  to  serve  the  public  weal ; 
What  laws  of  Nature's  making  to  repeal ; 
What  old  religion  is  the  only  true  one, 
And  what  the  greater  meri ;  of  some  new  one  ; 
What  friends  of  yours  my  favor  has  forgot ; 
Which  of  your  enemies  against  me  plot. 
In  harvests  ample  to  augment  my  treasures  ! 
Behold  the  fruits  of  your  sagacious  measures. 
The  punctual  planets,  to  their  periods  just, 
Attest  your  wisdom  and  approve  my  trust. 
Illiberal  ordinances,  laws  irrational, 
Had  surely  made  the  seasons*  course  less  national. 
Lo  !  the  reward  your  shining  virtues  bring  : 
The  grateful  placemen  bless  their  useful  king  ! 
But  while  you  quaff  the  nectar  of  my  favor 
I  mean  to  modify  somewhat  its  flavor 
By  just  infusing  a  peculiar  dash 
Of  tonic  bitter  in  the  calabash. 
And  should  you,  too  abstemious,  disdain  it, 
Egad  !  I'll  hold  your  noses  till  you  drain  it. 

'  You  know,  you  dogs,  your  master  long  has  felt 
A  keen  distemper  in  the  royal  pelt— 
A  testy  superficial  irritation, 
Brought  home,  I  fancy,  from  some  foreign  nation. 
For  this  a  thousand  simples  you've  prescribed- 
Unguents  external,  draughts  to  be  imbibed  : 
You've  plundered  Scotland  of  its  plants,  the  seas 
You've  ravished,  and  despoiled  the  Hebrides, 
To  brew  me  remedies  which,  in  probation, 
Were  sovereign  only  in  their  application. 
In  vain,  and  eke  in  pain,  I  have  applied 
Your  flattering  unctions  to  my  soul  and  hide  : 
Hope  with  fine  herbs  has  been  my  daily  food— 
I've  swallowed  treacle  by  the  holy  rood  ! 

Your  wisdom,  which  sufficed  to  guide  the  year 
And  tame  the  seasons  in  their  mad  career, 
When  set  to  higher  purposes  has  failed  me 
And  added  evils  to  the  ills  that  ailed  me. 
Nor  that  alone  ;  for  each  ambitious  leech 
His  rivals'  skill  has  labored  to  impeach 
I  By  menace  and  incendiary  speech. 
Fur  years,  to  conquer  our  respective  broils, 
We've  plied  each  other  with  pacific  oils 
In  vain  :  your  turbulence  is  unallayed, 
My  flame  unquenched— your  rioting  unstayed, 
My  life  so  wretched  from  your  strife  to  save  it 
That  death  were  welcome  did  I  dare  to  brave  it. 
With  zeal  inspired  by  your  intemperate  pranks, 
My  subjects  muster  in  contending  ranks  : 
These  fling  their  banners  to  the  startled  breeze 
To  champion  some  royal  ointment — these 
The  standard  of  some  royal  purge  display 
And  neath  that  ensign  wage  a  wasteful  fray. 
Brave  tongues  are  thundering  from  sea  to  sea, 
Torrents  of  sweat  roll  smoking  o'er  the  lea ; 
My  people  perish  in  their  martial  fear, 
And  rival  bag-pipes  cleave  the  royal  ear. 

Now,  caitiffs,  tremble,  for  this  very  hour 
Your  injured  monarch  shall  assert  his  power  ! 
Behold  this  lotion,  carefully  compound 
Of  all  the  poisons  you  for  me^nave  found— 
Of  biting  washes  such  as  tan  the  skin, 
And  drastic  drinks  to  vex  the  man  within. 
What  aggravates  an  ailment  will  produce— 
I  mean  to  rub  you  with  this  dreadful  juice  ! 
Divided  counsels  you  no  more  shall  hatch — 
•   At  last  you  shall  unanimously  scratch, 
.irheel,  villains,  kneel,  and  doff  your  shirts — God  bless 

us  ! 
They'll  seem,  when  you  resume  them,  shirts  of  Nes- 


Headlong,  and  ravishes  away  their  kilts, 

Tears  off  each  piaid  and  all  their  shirts  discloses, 

Removes  each  shirt  and  their  broad  backs  exposes. 

The  king  advanced — then  cursing  fled  amain 

Dashing  the  phial  to  the  stony  plain 

(Where't  straight  became  a  fountain  brimming  o'er. 

Whence  Father  Tweed  derives  his  liquid  store.) 

For  lo  !  already  on  each  back  sans  stitch 

The  red  sign  manual  of  the  Rosy  Witch 

Attested  that  for  years  they'd  had  the  itch. 

-A.  G.  B. 


'"A  famous  height  that  overlooks  Edinburgh. 


SAMUEL     BAXTER,     M,D. 


The  sovereign  ceased,  and,  sealing  what  he  spoke, 

From  Arthur's  Seat*  confirming  thunders  broke. 

The  conscious  culprits,  to  their  fate  resigned. 

Sank  to  their  knees,  all  piously  inclined. 

This  act,  from  high  Ben  Lomond  where  she  floats, 

The  thrifty  goddess,  Caledonia,  notes  ; 

Glibly  as  nimble  sixpence,  down  she  tilts 


This  Sam  Baxter  was,  in  his  weak  day,  a  doctor. 
Like  most  other  people,  he  always  knew  a  sover- 
eign antidote  for  whatever  ailment  was  mentioned 
in  his  hearing.  He  was  not  wedded  to  his  idols, 
however  ;  he  threw  them  aside  with  fatal  facility, 
setting  up  new  ones  in  their  stead.  Sometimes  he 
would  stick  to  one  restorative  for  a  week  or  two, 
prescribing  it  to  every  one  with  whom  he  chanced 
to  speak ;  but  the  specific  of  which  he  had  last 
heard  was  the  one  to  which  he  anchored  his  actual 
faith.  One  day  he  would  recommend  arrow-root 
for  the  toothache,  and  the  next  he  would  urge  the 
claims  of  rhubarb ;  and  then  should  anyone  ven- 
ture to  hint  a  confidence  in  arrow-root  Samuel  was 
down  upon  that  medicine  with  all  the  invective  he 
was  master  of,  sneering  at  it  as  an  "  old.  woman's 
remedy,"  and  rather  more  than  hinting  that  any- 
one who  took  it  did  so  from  some  dishonorable  mo- 
tive. Like  a  certain  journalist  whom  I  once  knew. 
Sam  appeared  to  think  it  was  better  to  be  right  to- 
day than  consistent  with  yesterday.  You  should 
know  that  Samuel  lived  in  one  of  the  frontier  set- 
tlements of  Arkansas,  in  a  district  so  malarious  and 
otherwise  unwholesome  that  no  regular  physician 
would  imperil  his  life  by  approaching  within  a 
hundred  miles  of  it,  notwithstanding  the  promise 
of  fat  fees  in  the  form  of  smoked  venison,  racoon 
skins,  wild  honey,  fish,  and  similar  products  of  the 
skilled  and  indomitable  industry  of  the  district. 

One  day  in  conversation  with  Sam  I  carelessly 
mentioned  the  gall  of  a  deer  as  a  possibly  effica- 
cious remedy  for  rheumatism,  He  at  once  de- 
nounced it  in  the  strongest  terms;  said  the  use  of 
it  had  killed  more  men  than  the  sword ;  it  was  not 
to  be  compared  with  snakeroot ;  and  finally 
worked  himself  into,  a  towering  rage  and  strode 
away,  muttering  something  about  "fellows  who 
thought  they  knew  more  than  men  who  had  lived 
right  in  that  settlement  for  more  than  six  years  !" 
The  next  day  I  sent  Henry  Pike  to  Sam,  with 
instructions  to  simulate  rheumatism,  rnd  report  to 
me  the  result. 

"  Tell  you  what  to  do  for  it,"  said  Sam,  eagerly". 
"  You  get  the  gall  of  a  deer  and  apply  it  to  the 
affected  part  three  times  a  day  ;  just  rub  it  gently 
over  the  skin  a  few  moments  each  time,  that's  all. 
It's  a  sure  cure.  I  had  an  uncle  in  Pennsylvania 
who  did  this,  and  it  fixed  him  so  quick  it  made  his 
head  spin  !  My  uncle  heard  of  it  from  an  old 
physician  'whose  sands  of  life,'  as  he  said  in  his 
advertisements,  '  had  nearly  run  out ' — forming  a 
kind  of  bar  at  his  mouth,1'  aided  Sam,  reflectively, 
evidently  mistaking  the  srigin  of  the  metaphor. 

Henry  promised  he  would  give  the  specific  a  trial 
and  came  to  me  to  report.  Then  we  took  David 
Bunker  into  our  confidence,  and  he  went  to  Sam 
with  a  face  as  long  as  that  of  a  horse,  and  asked 
him  if  it  was  of  anjr  use  to  doctor  for  rheumatism. 
"  Any  use  I  See  here — tell  you  what  to  do.  Get 
somebody  to  cut  you  out  the  gall  of  a  deer,  and 
take  that  You're  another  man  the  minute  you 
get  it  into  you — another  man  all  over,  or  I'm  dead 
beat !" 

"  What !"  cried  David,  "  you  don't  mean  to  say 
I'm  to  drink  the  nasty,  bitter  stuff?" 

"Bitter  !  Now  look  at  me:  I  could  just  live  on 
deer's  gall  !  You  never  tasted  anything  so  good  in 
all  your  life.  But,  no,  certainly,  you  are  not  to 
drink  it.  Just  mix  it  with  a  little  dough  and  roll 
H  up  into  pills ;  take  one  of  these  every  morning 
before  breakfast.  Never  come  back  to  you — never! 
Cured  Henry  Pike  that  way  more  times  thanyou'v 
got  hairs  on  your  head." 

"Now  that  you  have  mentioned  it,"  said  David, 
thoughtfully,  "it  strikes  me  I  have  heard  of  it  be- 
fore." 

"  Have,  eh  V  sneered  Sam,  contemptuously, 
"0,  yes— no  doubt  of  it;  everybody's  'heard  of 
it    before ' — that's    what  they    all    say  —  always 


1  heard  of   it  before.'     And   I    never   told  a  living- 
soul  but  you  in  all  my  life — never  !" 

A  few  days  after  this  I  met  Sam  in  Possumtown, 
and  began  to  limp  the  moment  I  caught  sight  of 
him. 

•'Hullo!"  was  his  cheerful  salutation;  "now 
I'd  like  to  know  what  in  thunder's  the  matter  with 
yon. 

"  Rheumatism,"  was  my  sententious  reply,  as  I 
endeavored  to  hobble  past  him;  "very  bad  case. 
Awful  !" 

"  Tell  you  what  to  do,"  he  whipped  out,  inter- 
rupting me  ;  "  next  time  I  kill  a  deer  you  remind 
me,  and  I'll  save  you  the  gall  if  it's  a  buck  ;  doe 
gall  is  n't  worth  a  cent  at  this  time  of  the  year. 
But  the  gall  of  a  buck — why  it's  the  regular  thing 
in  Wisconsin,  where  my  brother  lives  ;  never  use 
anything  else.  Told  to  me  by  an  old  Injun  chief 
at  Madison.  You  take  that  gall,  peel  it,  boil  it  in 
a  pint  of  milk— new  milk  is  best— add  a  pinch  of 
— of — of  snakeroot,  and  bind  it  on  your  stomach 
when  you  go  to  bed.  You'll  get  up  with  such  an 
appetite  as  you  never  had  in  all  Arkansaw.  Never 
saw  so  much  rheumatism  as  there  is  about  here  ! 
Always  knew  it  would  come  in  as  the  country  got 
cleared  up  and  the  swamps  drained.  Said  so  more 
than  a  thousand  times." 

"But  my  rheumatism,  Sam,  is  in  my  knee,  not 
my  stomach. " 

"  So  much  the  worse  for  you"  he  replied,  with 
some  warmth  ;  who  said  it  wasnt  in  your  knee  \ — 
tell  me  that.  But  if  that's  the  case  it  may  require 
more  galls  than  one — may  have  to  put  a  fresh  one 
on  every  day  all  summer.  That's  why  I  told  you 
to  put  the  first  one  on  your  stomach;  goes  through 
your  system  quicker.  Besides  that's  the  seat  of 
the  disease  ;  comes  of  over-eating.  Dave  Bunker 
ought  to  know,  and  he's  cured  me  with  deer's  gall 
more  than— more  than— than  a  ton,  I  should  say," 
he  concluded  absently. 

"Now  see  here  Sam,  said  I,  looking  as  much  of- 
fended as  I  could  ;  "I  want  to  know  if  you  con- 
sider it  clever  to  play  jokes  on  an  invalid  I  You 
know  I  have  killed  and  cut  up  a  hundred  times  aB 
many  dear  as  you  ever  did,  and  I  tell  you  a  deer 
has  no  gall.  Everybody  knows  that  who  knows 
anything." 

"There  you  go  !"  said  Samuel,  firing  up  superb- 
ly. "Who  the  Old  Harry  said  it  had  ?— that's, 
what  Td  like  to  know.  But  that's  just  the  way 
with  you  rheumatics  ;  you're  all  alike.  Never  can 
get  one  of  you  to  confess  there's  anything  ails  him. 
Always  a  cold — nothing  but  just  a  cold— or  a  fever. 
And  when  a  fellow  wants  to  do  something  for  you 
you  begin  to  stamp,  and  swear,  and  peel  off"  your 
coats,  and  pitch  in  !  I've  had  as  many  as  five  hun- 
dred rheumatics  atop  of  me  at  one  time — and 
licked  'em  like  anything  !  Never  saw  such  a  dis- 
ease— never  !" 

Samuel  turned  his  back  and  walked  way,  down 
the  street,  with  an  air  of  profound  injury.  He  had 
not  gone  more  than  half  a  block  till  his  eye  caught 
Borne  object  in  the  shop-window  of  a  druggist,  and 
he  lemained  for  some  moments  on  the  sidewalk, 
gazing  intently  inside.  Then  he  turned  and  saun- 
tered carelessly  back,  whistling  abstractedly  as  if 
he  had  forgotten  my  existence. 

"  Tell  you  what  you  might  do,"  said  he,  with 
affected  indifference,  as  he  came  up  to  where  I 
stood,  and  seemed  about  to  pass  by.  "  My  father, 
over  at  Speer's  Landing,  used  to  suffer  awfully  !  Re 
says  there's  nothing  like  buchu — one  part  of  buchu 
to  three  parts  of  tar- water.  It  can't  hurt  you — un- 
less you  get  your  feet  wet." 

I  thanked  Sam,  walked  directly  down  to  the 
druggist's  window,  and  looked  in.  There  hung  a 
large  placard  conspicuously  inscribed  : 

"  Buchu — Dead  Shot  for  Worms."  Jex. 


The  Lob  Angeles  Recreation,  which  has  a  Cheney 
on  its  staff,  affirms  that  Mr.  Warren  Cheney  was 
"  treated  ungenerously  by  the  press."  Mr.  Warren 
Cheney,  a  man  of  mature  years  and  average  edu- 
cation, while  publishing  a  magazine  committed  a 
grossly  dishonest  act.  He  published  over  his  own 
name  a  long  article  made  up,  sentence  by  sentence, 
from  two  articles  by  Mr.  Edmund  C.  Stedman. 
He  was  exposed  by  Mr.  Stedman  in  the  New  York 
Tribune  and  by  two  or  three  papers  here.  Only 
one,  so  far  as  we  know,  censured  him  at  all ;  that 
was  ours.  Mr.  Cheney  made  neither  defense,  ex- 
planation nor  confession.  Will  our  Los  Angeles- 
contemporary  have  the  goodness  to  say  wherein, 
how,  when,  where  and  by  whom  he  was  "  treated 
ungenerously  "  ?- 


THE     WASP. 


9 


THE    GLOBE-TROTTER'S     REVENGE. 


A    Hack    at    a    Hackman. 


B  .<s  a  joyless  British  globe- trotter,  who 
arrived  on  the  Australian  steamer  a  short  time 
ago.  He  left  the  steamer  at  the  wharf  very  much 
as  all  British  globe- trotters  do,  smoking  a  freshly- 
tilled  pipe,  hugging  a  bundle  of  canes  under  one 
arm,  a  bundle  of  umbrellas  under  the  other,  carry- 
in-  his  bath-tub  in  one  hand  and  ft  grip-sack  in  the 
Other.  He  did  not  look  interested  in  anything 
in  the  world,  but  very  much  bored  with  every- 
thing, It  is  difficult  to  look  bored  and  indifferent 
while  loaded  up  with  the  astonishing  miscellany  of 
traps  a  British  globe-trotter  always  carries  on  and 
off  boats  ;ind  trains.  But  this  globe-trotter  had 
been  three  times  around  the  world"  to  perfect  him- 
aulf  in  that  indifferent  stare,  and  was  very  proud 
of  it.  He  traveled  only  to  exhibit  that  accomplish- 
ment. He  had  hardened  himself  on  pyramids, 
sphinxes,  volcanoes,  glaciers  and  precipices,  and 
since  had  had  the  great  good  fortune  to  direct  his 
most  bored  expression  toward  an  Indian  massacre, 
a  collision  between  an  iceberg  and  an  emigrant 
ship,  an  American  politician  and  a  railroad  smash- 
up.  With  this  practice  he  could  carry  his  look  and 
his  canes,  umbrellas  and  bath-tub,  too ;  though  he 
could  have  done  much  better  if  his  training  had 
permitted  him  to  disembark  as  unincumbered  as 
the  American  globe-trotter  who  followed  him  down 
the  gang-plank  :  he  carried  only  a  cigar  in  his 
mouth  and  his  hands  in  his  pockets.  When  the 
Britisher  stepped  on  the  wharf  he  found  himself  in 
a  surging,  howling,  horrid  mob  of  hack  drivers. 
In  his  secret  soul  he  had  long  yearned  for  some 
new  and  terrible  experience  in  which  he  could  look 
calmly  indifferent  while  his  less  strong  fellow 
mortals  were  being  crazed  with  excitement.  Some- 
thing cold  him  that  this,  his  first  San  Francisco 
wharf  landing,  was  to  be  the  golden  opportunity 
of  his  life.  He  saw  stalwart  men  turn  pale  and 
tremble  before  the  onslaught  of  the  howling  horde. 
Women  were  torn  from  their  escorts,  mothers  from 
their  babes  ;  shrieking  children  were  mercilessly 
yanked  from  fainting  nurse-maids,  and  all  plunged, 
vainly  kicking,  into  damp  and  dingy  hacks  and 
■  driven  to  the  wrong  hotels,  their  scattered  baggage 
strewing  the  wharf. 

Through  all  this  scene  of  horror  and  misery  the 
Britisher  puffed  his  briar-wood  calmly.  But  it 
soon  came  his  turn.  An  angry,  bloodthirsty  gang 
bore  down  upon  him.  "  Carriage,  sir  I  Pri-i-i-vate 
carriage!  "  they  yelled,  and  before  he  could  speak, 
or  even  nod,  one  of  the  savages  jerked  from  under 
his  arm  the  bundle  of  canes  and  gave  it  a  whirl. 
Some  of  them  were  picked  up  and  thrust  into  a 
hack,  which  instantly  drove  off;  some  fell  into  the 
bay.  Another  savage  treated  his  umbrellas  the 
same  way.  The  Britisher  began  to  feel  a  faint 
glow  of  interest  in  the  proceedings,  but  continued 
to  stare  stonily.  His  placid  appearance  incensed 
the  savages.  One  jerked  from  his  gloved  hand  the 
bath-tub,  and  viciously  jumped  on  it.  The  globe- 
trotter, at  this,  so  far  forgot  himself  as  to  ejaculate, 
"Oh,  I  say!"  but  instantly  recollected  himself 
and  began  filling  his  pipe,  for  another  hackman 
had  secured  his  grip-sack,  and,  after  joyously  tear- 
ing off  the  handles,  had  thrown  it  into  a  hack. 
The  globe-trotter  followed  his  grip-sack,  a  disap- 
pointed hackman  who  had  not  even  secured  an 
umbrella  consoling  himself  by  jamming  the  Brit- 
isher's helmet  hat  over  his  ears. 

The  globe-trotter,  disengaging  his  head  from  his 
hat,  spoke  to  the  hackman  who  had  secured  his 
grip-sack,  and  whose  hack  he  was  entering:  "I 
say,  how  much  will  you  charge  to  drive  me  to  the, 
ah,  Palace,  you  know  ?  " 

"■Dollar'n  half,"  responded  the  hackman,  tiring 
his  passenger  in  and  slamming  the  door.  There 
was  an  interval  of  rattling,  crashing,  bumping  and 
jolting,  and  the  door  was  opened  again.  The  hack 
had  stopped  within  half  a  block  of  the  hotel  en- 
trance. 

The  globe-trotter  stepped  out,  bruised,  sore,  di- 
sheveled, but  imperturbable  in  mien.  The  hack- 
man  lifted  the  grip-sack  high  in  air,  crashed  it 
down  on  the  sidewalk,  demolishing  such  of  its  con- 
tents as  wore  not  already  destroyed,  and  held  out 
his  dirty  hand  for  his  fare.  The  globe-trotter 
placed  in  the  extended  palm  a  five  dollar  gold  piece. 
"  Thank 'e,  sir,"  said  the  hackman,  and  pock- 
eted it. 

"  Change  !  "  said  the  Britisher. 
"Five  dollars  is  right,"  the  hackman  replied, 
mounting  his  seat. 


"  But,  I  say,  you  said  it  would  be  a  dollar  and  a 
half,  you  know." 

"  I  didn't  say  it  would  be  a  dollar'u  half  for  only 
one,  did  I  I  It  would  have  been  a  dollar'n  half 
a-piece  if  there  had  been  four  of  you,  and  so  I  lose 
a  dollar  on  the  job.  Didn't  suppose  I  was  coin'  to 
carry  a  whole  load  for  a  dollar'n  half,  did  you  ? 
Ta,  ta !  "  and  the  hack  drove  off. 

Icebergs  and  glaciers  had  long  since  ceased  to 
move  him,  but  this  did.  The  globe-trotter  no 
longer  looked  indifferent ;  he  looked  mad,  awful 
mad.  His  bath-tub,  canes,  umbrella,  peace  of 
mind,  where  were  they  i  Gathering  up  his  dilapi- 
dated grip-sack,  which  was  leaking  brandy  and 
hair  tonic,  he  hunted  his  way  to  the  Palace  office, 
looking  like  Billy  Courtwright  after  an  encore  for 
Flewey-Flewey. 

A  few  dayB  after  that  a  China  steamer  arrived. 
She  was  instantly  boarded  by  the  globe-trotter  aud 
a  strange  and  weird  figure.  The  Britisher  and  the 
weird  figure  held  a  brief  consultation  with  the 
purser,  and  soon  afterward  the  figure  appeared  on 
the  gang-plank  with  the  disembarking  passengers. 
He  was  six  feet  tall  and  built  like  Sullivan,  but  he 
carried  a  bath-tub,  grip-sack,  umbrellas  and  canes, 
and  was  set  upon  by  the  horde,  as  were  the  other 
passengers.  He  allowed  himself  to  be  pushed  into 
a  hack  by  the  same  savage  who  had  captured  the 
globe-trotter.  As  he  settled  himself  inside  the 
hack,  he  said  to  himself:  "I'm  glad  that  cully 
give  me  a  biff"  in  the  back  as  he  shoved  me  in  here, 
for  it  will  kind  er  ease  me  mind  as  I'm  polishing 
him  off'.  If  I  don't  slog  him  good  my  name  ain't 
Bill  the  Bouncer,  or  the  Pet  of  the  Potrero. " 

The  globe-trotter  followed  close  in  another  hack, 
and  stood  near  by  when  the  hackman  refused  to 
stive  the  supposed  globe-trotter,  but  the  real  "  Bill 
the  Bouncer,"  change  for  his  five  dollars. 

"  But,  I  say,  yer  said  it  was  only  to  be  a  dollar'n 
half,"  the  bruiser  said,  edging  up  to  the   hackman. 

"Now,  look  here,"  the  hackman  replied,  having 
made  his  usual  full  explanation  ;  "  if  yer  goin'  to 
kick  about  this  here  matter,  I'll  break  your  jaw  !" 

Then  did  that  professional  bruiser,  in  the  dis- 
guise of  a  globe-trotter,  earn  the  monpy  the  real 
globe-trotter  had  paid  him  for  this  kindly  service. 
He  lifted  the  hackman  under  the  ear,  and  toyed 
with  his  jaw;  he  battered  him  on  the  nose  and 
countered  on  his  peepers ;  he  wiped  the  sidewalk 
with  him,  and  jammed  him  against  the  wheels  of 
his  hack ;  he  pummeled  him  on  the  wind,  and 
stove  in  his  ribs,  kicked  him  in  the  stomach, 
and  bruised  his  ear ;  he  used  him  all  up,  and 
knocked  him  clean  out. 

The  avenged  globe-trotter  looked  on,  smoking  in 
delicious  indifference. 


A     CLASSICAL     COMPOSITION, 


The  drama  of  Der  Ring  des  Niebelungen  is  fairly 
admitted  to  be  the  greatest  triumph  of  Wagner's 
musical  and  dramatic  genius,  and  as  rendered  by 
the  Thomas  Orchestra  at  the  recent  festival  in  this 
city,  will  long  be  remembered  with  delight  by  the 
lovers  of  the  lyric  stage. 

The  drama  is  divided  into  four  parts  commencing 
with  "  Das  Rheingold,"  the  overture  opening  with 
a  pianissimo  agitato  movement  on  the  first  violins, 
describing  the  theft  of  a  treasure,  which  is  guarded 
by  nymphs,  at  the  foot  of  Meiggs'  Wharf  ;  the  low 
sweeping  tones  on  the  bass-viols  representing  a 
moving  background  of  phosphorescent  fog  with 
Sausalito  in  the  distance.  The  instrumentation 
was  simply  perfect.  Nothing  could  transcend  the 
admirable  analysis  of  the  movement  showing  the 
beautiful  forms  of  the  slumbering  nymphs  grace- 
fully disposed  about  the  coveted  bonanza. 

The  second  violins  took  up  the  theme  on  the 
lower  octaves,  and  the  Grail-motive  is  introduced 
from  the  middle  distance,  describing  in  subdued 
richness  the  peaceful  serenity  of  the  landscape  and 
the  tender  grace  and  quiet  sentiment  of  the  move- 
ment. 

A  staccato  agitation  of  the  bass-viols  is  heard  in 
the  distance  andtheNiebelungapproaches in thekey 
of  E  and  sets  away  with  the  bullion.  The  alarm 
is  given  with  a  grand  fortissimo  of  the  whole 
orchestra,  showing  the  entire  crowd  in  hot  pursuit 
crescendo  obligato,  but  the  young  man  gets  over  the 
state  line  p.  d.  q.  and  smiles  andante  con  ex- 
pressione  at  his  baffled  pursuers.  He  makes  a  ring 
out  of  the  stolen  treasure,  which  under  the  dispen- 
sation of  the  gcds  gives  him  power  over  all  his 
fellows,  and  brings  him  untold  riches.  The  Super- 
visors get  on  to  the  racket,  and  with  an  allegro 
movement  on   the  French  horns  capture  the  ring 


with  a  pizzicato  accompaniment  of  double  basses  in 
unison  with  the  B  Hat  cornets. 

The  young  Niebelung,  disgraced  and  reduced  to 
penury  and  starvation,  blows  out  his  brains  with  a 
bassoon.       An    adag  ■■>    movement    takes 

place  in  D  major  on  the  Saxophones  and  French 
horns,  showing  a  group  of  four  lady  angels  descend- 
ing from  Heaven  and  carrying  ;i  cot  bedstead — one 
at  each  corner.  The  Niebelung  is  carefully  lifted 
in  the  key  of  A,  and  the  restless  and  inquiring 
phrase  announced  in  the  muffled  piccolos,  accom- 
panied with  the  broken  agitato  figure  in  the  violins, 
painfully  expresses  the  anxiety  and  grief  of  the 
Supervisors.  This  beautiful  movement  leads  by  a 
tinejtransitional  passage  into  A  minor,  the  key  of 
the  opening  allegro,  and  into  the  quartette  "  Dar- 
ling Press  My  Eyelids  Down,'"  expressing  in  tearful 
harmony  the  last  dying  wish  of  the  late  lamented. 

The  funeral  cortege  now  falls  into  line,  the  right 
resting  as  usual  on  the  corner  of  Fifth  and  Howard, 
with  a  camMbUe  movement  on  the  piccolos  and  the 
bass  drum,  announcing  the  starting  of  the  process- 
ion. With  a  grand  fortissimo  of  the  full  orchestra 
the  carriages  rush  into  line  and  the  funeral  gets 
well  under  way  ;  the  citizens  on  foot  bringing  up 
the  rear,  with  an  andante  movement  on  the  trom- 
bones. The  diminuendo  effect,  as  the  dying  note 
ebbed  away,  was  being  beautifully  rendered,  when 
the  Oakland  delegation  started  out  in  a  bunch  to 
catch  the  last  boat  and  knocked  the  symphony  into 
a  cocked  hat. 


PERSONAL, 


Irving  the  actor  has  been  entertaining  the  Prince 
of  Wales — off  the  stage  ;  but  he  did  not  drop  a 
piece  of  ice  down  the  royal  back  as  Mrs.  Langtry 
did.  There  has  been  a  distinct  advance  in  dra- 
matic manners. 


General  Longstreet's  son  failed  to  pass  an  ex- 
amination for  admission  t^p  the  Naval  Academy  and 
is  to  be  educated  as  a  gentleman  instead. 

Jessie  Buckner,  who  caused  Thompson  to  murder 
Davis,  is  looking  for  an  engagement  to  lecture. 


In  Mr.  Charles  R.  Dennet  the  Chicago  Times 
has  an  editor  who  can  speak  the  Anamese  lan- 
guage. The  Tribune,  not  to  be  outdone,  promises 
to  import  a  native. 


The  latest  owner  of  the  New  York  World  is  Mr. 
John  Pender,  who  is  said,  also,  to  be  fond  of 
Milton's  poetry.  Then  he  won't  like  Pulitzer's 
prose. 


Judge  Foraker,  the  Republican  candidate  for 
Governor  of  Ohio,  says  his  youth  has  always  been 
thrown  up  to  him  ever  since  he  was  caught  court- 
ing a  red-headed  girl  at  thirteen. 


General  Grant  is  getting  redder  in  the  face  and 
larger  round  the  stomach  every  year  of  his  life. 
He  still  "  turns  down  his  glass'1  at  dinner — to  show 
that  he  has  entirely  emptied  it. 


Mrs.  Vinnie  Ream  Hoxie  has  a  baby  at  last.  It 
will  serve  her  as  a  model  when  Congress  next  orders 
a  twenty-thousand-dollar  statue  of  some  distin- 
guished American  statesman  without  any  clothes 


Chet.  Arthur,  as  his  intimate  political  friends  no 
longer  "call  him,  has  lately  shown  a  decided  ten- 
dency toward  the  society  of  gentlemen.  His  old 
personal  friends  are  in  despair. 


Mr.  John  Mnir,  who  for  some  time  past  has  been 
one  of  the  most  active  of  the  energetic  set  of  men 
that  are  constructing  and  operating  the  North 
Pacific  Railroad,  has  been  appointed  Superintend- 
ent of  Traffic  of  the  Oregon  and  California  Rail- 
road Company.     It  is  a  good  appointment. 


Bob  Burdette  says  that  his  invalid  wife  made 
him  all  that  he  is.  That's  right  ;  blame  it  to  your 
wife. 


Mr.  George  Parsons  Lathrop,  who  married  a 
daughter  of  the  late  Nathaniel  Hawthorne,  has 
sold  the  great  author's  old  house  at  Concord  and 
will  live  in  New  York. 


Miss  Noble,  the  author  of  A  Reverend  Idol,  is 
writing  a  novel  of  Washington  life.  That  girl  is  be- 
traying an  altogether  too  great  familiarity  with  sin. 


THE    WASP 


SATURDAY, 


JUNE    23,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERY  SATURDAY,   AT  540  AND  542  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,  BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 

E.    C.   MAGFARLANE    &    CO., 

Proprietors  and  Publishers. 


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Ho  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 


The  President  of  the  Day,  the  Grand  Marshal 
and  the  Chairman  of  the  Executive  Committee 
charged  with  the  duty  of  riding  upon  the  whirl- 
wind of  patriotism  and  directing  the  sentimental 
storm  blown  up  on  the  Fourth  of  July,  have  issued 
an  address  in  ailing  English,  begeing  for  money. 
With  a  view  to  tiring  the  American  heart  and  pick- 
ing the  American  pocket,  they  direct  attention  to 
"the  great  principles  and  blessings  of  civil  and 
religious  liberty  promulgated  and  secured  to  us  by 
our  patriotic  forefathers,  the  results  of  which," 
they  rather  muddily  add,  "are  attended  by  our  pros- 
perity and  advancement  as  a  nation."  Certainly 
we  are  proud  of  these  results.  One  of  them  was  a 
sanguinary  fratricidal  war  to  free  some  millions 
of  human  beings  from  the  civil  and  religious  liberty 
bequeathed  to  them  by  the  good  forefathers  afore- 
said. Indeed,  the  catalogue  of  "  blessings  "  and 
"  results  "  is  a  long  one  :  Irish  domination  in  the 
cities  ;  the  supremacy  of  ignorance  in  the  country. 
A  national  Legislature  that  is  the  laughing  stock 
of  Europe.  A  list  of  Presidents  of  whom  but  one 
has  been  a  gentleman,  two  of  whom  were  murdered, 
and  one  of  whom  stole  the  office.  Every  depart- 
ment of  government,  national,  state  and  muni- 
cipal, a  den  of  thieves  and  vulgarians.  A  territory 
larger  than  the  original  thirteen  States  dishonestly 
given  to  swindling  corporations.  An  army  and 
navy  of  gamblers,  drunkards  and  embezzlers.  A 
judiciary  corrupter  than  a  Russian  custom-house. 
Our  streets  full  of  acquitted  murderers  ;  mobs 
everywhere  hanging  men  untried.  Every  man  with 
property  perjuring  himself  to  escape  taxation.  A 
public  school  system  that  is  a  curse,  churches  that 
are  centers  of  spiritual  darkness,  a  press  that  is  a 
monstrous  tyranny.  Nowhere  respect  for  law  ;  no 
law  meriting  respect.  A  nation  without  a  con- 
science, a  body  politic  without  a  soul.  These  are 
some  of  the  "  blessings  "  of  the  kind  of  "  civil  and 
religious  liberty  "  it  has  been  our  happiness  to  in- 
herit and  our  study  to  debauch.  Let  us  celebrate 
it  with  the  customary  vulgar  orgies,  "  in  order,"  as 
the  address  puts  it,  "that  the  growing  generation 
may  learn  to  appreciate  their  great  heritage." 


The  verdict  in  the  star-route  trial  must  be  ac- 
cepted in  its  only  true  meaning.  It  was  the  protest 
of  twelve  miserable  men  against  a  system  which 
permitted  them  to  be  tormented  in  order  that  cer- 
tain lawyers  might  keep  their  arms  in  the  public 
treasury  as  long  as  possible.  With  an  honest 
Attorney-General  in  the  Cabinet  and  an  honest 


Judge  on  the  Bench  the  trial  of  these  rogues  need 
not  have  lasted  a  week.  Neither  side  would  have 
been  permitted  to  befog  the  simple  issues  with 
irrelevant  testimony,  interminable  speeches  and 
all  the  countless  multitude  of  unworthy  tricks 
which  lawyers  learn  as  a  part  of  their  professional 
education  and  which,  for  the  swelling  of  their  fees, 
they  are  permitted  to  practice  by  judges  who  have 
been,  and  will  again  be,  lawyers.  In  England  the 
trial  of  these  worthies  would  have  lasted  about  two 
days  and  they  would  have  been  convicted,  for  in 
England  the  Judge  would  have  been  a  great  and 
learned  lawyer,  with  an  ample  salary  and  an 
assured  tenure  of  office.  He  would  have  been  in 
no  fear  of  ever  having  to  plead  before  the  men  now 
pleading  before  him.  He  would  have  tolerated  no 
nonsense  from  counsel,  witness,  jury  or  the  public 
press.  A  newspaper  publisher  venturing  any  free 
comments  on  the  case  would  have  been  thrown 
into  jail.  A  lawyer  making  a  dishonest  motion, 
asking  an  irrelevant  question  or  indulging  in  sense- 
less rhetoric  would  have  been  silenced  and,  if  he 
persisted,  fined.  A  reluctant  or  hesitating  witness 
would  have  been  taught  alacrity  in  a  way  that  he 
would  remember,  and  a  block-head  juror  excused 
in  a  manner  more  instructive  than  agreeable.  But 
no  half  million  dollars  would  have  been  divided 
among  the  various  worthies  concerned  in  the  pro- 
ceedings, and  therein  the  trial  would  have  been 
distinctly  inferior. 


A  cheerful  feature  of  this  celebrated  trial  was 
the  defendant  Rerdell's  unavailing  plea  of  guilty. 
This  gentleman  had  a  perfect  right  to  indulge  the 
hope  that  his  confession  of  the  crime  for  which  he 
was  indicted  would  obtain  him  a  place  in  the  peni- 
tentiary. He  was  not  familiar  with  the  obstacles 
that  American  law  places  between  a  rascal  and  his 
deserts.  After  the  jury  had  acquitted  the  other 
men,  the  judge,  gravely  explaining  that  a  man 
could  not  be  guilty  of  conspiracy  all  by  himself, 
directed  Mr.  Rerdell  to  withdraw  his  plea  of 
guilty,  which,  under  fear  of  imprisonment  for  con- 
tempt, he  did,  apparently  with  great  reluctance. 
He  was  then  inhospitably  turned  into  the  street 
and  will  probably  he  prosecuted  by  his  fellow  non- 
conspirators  for  slander.  We  do  not  question  the 
justice  of  the  law  under  which  a  rascal  is  forbidden 
to  suffer  the  purging  penalty  of  the  crime  that 
he  confesses,  but  cannot  help  wishing  that  we  had 
some  system  of  permitting  thieves  to  get  into  the 
penitentiary  without  breaking  down  the  doors. 


It  has  been  the  policy  of  the  railrogues  and  their 
journalist  advocates  to  belittle  the  importance  of 
the  movement  now  making  to  oust  the  two  traitor- 
ous Railway  Commissioners.  They  made  very 
merry  over  the  little  meeting  at  San  Jose,  but 
pulled  on  a  somewhat  longer  face  when  the  big  one 
was  held  at  Stockton.  On  Saturday  last  popular 
meetings  were  held  at  Hay  wards,  Visalia  and 
Hollister.  In  San  Francisco,  San  Mateo,  Napa, 
Santa  Rosa,  and  Auburn  the  Democratic  County 
Committees  met,  and  at  most  of  these  latter  meet- 
ings many  prominent  citizens  assisted  by  invitation. 
Everywhere  indignant  resolutions  were  passed,  de- 
nouncing the  recreant  Commissioners,  demanding 
their  removal  from  office  and  reaffirming  anti- 
monopoly  principles.  The  Republicans,  as  a  party, 
of  course  take  no  action  ;  the  Commissioners  are 
not  of  their  making.  They  are  none  the  less  de- 
termined that  the  state  shall  not  be  much  longer 
plundered  through  the  connivance  of  such  men  as 
Humphreys  and  Carpenter.  If  the  railrogues  find 
matter  of  derision  in  the  outlook  let  them  jeer  to 
the  satisfaction  of  their  minds  and  hearts.  Let 
them  set  their  teeth  and  draw  their  breath  hard 
while  they  smile.  All  the  same,  they  somewhat 
closely  resemble  the  man  who   at  the  time  of  the 


Deluge  stood  on  the  top  of  a  mountain  with  the 
water  up  to  his  chin  and  being  refused  passage  on 
the  Ark  didn't  believe  it  was  going  to  be  much  of 
a  shower  anyhow. 


Many  times  a  month  we  have  the  honor  of  a 
visit  from  some  person  (commonly  of  the  opposing 
sex)  who  desires  to  promote  public  morality  by 
assisting  us  to  "  expose  "  some  private  enemy — 
usually  a  woman.  The  grievance  so  to  be  redressed1 
is  always  a  personal  one  ;  the  person  suffering  it- 
has  generally  been  denied  beauty  and  outlasted 
youth  ;  the  one  inflicting  it  is  apparently  a  monster 
so  depraved  that  the  vocabulary  of  opprobrious 
terms  is  vainly  laid  under  contribution  titly  to  set 
forth  her  unworth.  The  most  frequently  recurring 
type  of  offender  to  be  admonished  is  the  brazen 
hussy  that  has  some  worthy  male  in  her  toils, 
where,  inaccessible  to  the  warning  voice  of  the^ 
offendee,  he  is  signalizing  his  infatuation  by  per- 
mitting himself  to  be  serenely  ruined  in  character,, 
health  and  purse.  There  are  many  other  kinds, 
and  conditions  of  culprits  whose  personal  demerits 
and  private  misdeeds  are  deemed  deserving  of  our 
censure,  and  at  whom  various  sorts  of  sufferers  are- 
anxious  to  direct  the  finger  of  our  scorn.  To  the' 
amiable  sore-heads  who  are  so  generously  willing 
to  assist  us  in  our  business  by  permitting  us  to 
plaster  their  wounds  we  beg  leave  to  say  that  this 
paper  does  not  exist  for  the  punishment  of  obscure 
sinners  and  the  avenging  of  private  wrongs.  There 
has  never  appeared  in  its  columns  one  line  having 
such  an  object.  No  man's  personal  character  has 
ever  been  discussed  apart  from  his  public  acts  or 
position;  no  woman's  at  all.  "Vengeance  is 
mine — I  will  repay,"  saith  the  Lord  ;  and  in  pious 
reliance  on  the  divine  pledge  we  have  not  deemed 
it  expedient  even  to  kick  the  exhibiting  cripples 
who  throng  our  door-steps  clamoring  for  the  cold 
meats  of  redress. 


The  Supervisors,  sitting  us  a  Board  of  Equaliza- 
tion, havebeen  wrestling  with  the  franchise  question 
as  sturdily  but  ineffectually  as  Muldoon  in  the 
back-hold  of  Dinnie.  The  precise  meaning  of  the 
word  "  franchise  "  is  what  they  appear  nowise 
able  to  determine.  In  this  emergency  Mr.  John 
Lord  Love  comes  gallantly  to  the  rescue  with  a 
definition  of  the  term.  A  franchise,  according  to 
this  distinguished  authority,  is  the  difference  be- 
tween the  value  of  a  corporation's  tangible  property 
and  the  value  of  its  capital  stock.  It  may  reason- 
ably be  assumed  that  in  commanding  the  taxation 
of  franchises  the  constitution  means  something. 
As  the  tangible  property  of  a  corporation  is  ob- 
viously not  a  franchise,  it  follows  that  a  franchise 
is  something  intangible.  Its  value  too  must  be 
capable  of  estimation,  otherwise  it  could  not  be 
assessed.  Precisely  what  portion  of  this  calculable 
but  invisible  value  is  not  a  franchise  must  be  shown 
in  order  to  determine  what  portion  of  it  is  a  fran- 
chise. Perhaps  the  most  practicable  way  would  be 
to  assess  it  all  and  then  let  the  corporation's 
attorney  designate  the  portion  that  is  something 
else,  and  say  what  it  is.  We  think  Mr.  Love,  the 
rising  young  lexicographer,  shows  no  small  genius 
for  the  business,  and  we  shall  await  with  impatience 
the  publication  of  his  unabridged  dictionary. 


Mr.  C.  W.  Ayers  will  to-day  start  on  a  tour 
through  the  state,  making  speeches  in  all  the  prin- 
cipal towns,  on  the  extortions  and  discriminations 
of  the  Railrogues.  People  who  know  about  Mr. 
Ayres  only  through  his  connection  with  the  amus- 
ing incident  of  the  rotten  egg  will  have  an  oppor- 
tunity to  form  a  somewhat  juster  estimate  of  the 
man.  Our  own  notion  of  him  is  that  he  can  de- 
liver a  pretty  cogent  argument  without  assistance 
from  the  chickabiddy. 


THE    WASP. 


P  R ATTL  E 


In  killing  the  Rev.  Mr.  Burden,  the  Rev.  Mr. 
Jenkins,  of  Mansfield,  Louisiana,  seems  to  have 
performed  an  act  that  is  imperfectly  consistent  with 
his  sacred  calling.  He  might  have  rebuked  his 
■erring  brother  with  a  less  bitter  severity  thau  is 
indicated  by  "  one  shot  in  the  leg,  one  in  the 
■heart,  shattering  his  watch,  and  one  in  the  fore- 
head, just  between  the  eyes."  If  Mr.  Borden 
trirted  with  Mr.  Jenkins's  sweetheart,  as  that 
estimable  young  woman  had  the  frankness  to  con- 
fess, it  is  hardly  possible  to  overrate  the  gravity  of 
his  offense  unless  she  is  pretty.  Still,  it  seems  as 
if  a  sense  of  his  sin  might  have  been  imparted  to 
him  without  breaking  his  watch. 


Nor  do  1  discern  the  purpose  of  the  shot  in  the 
forehead,  "  just  between  the  eyes  "—the  one  in 
the  leg  having  doubtless  already  disabled  the 
recipient  of  that  favor  and  the  one  in  the  heart 
having  given  him  the  coup  de  gr&ce.  In  short, 
the  Rev.  Mr.  Jenkins's  pious  zeal  in  laboring 
with  his  recreant  co-shepherd  appears  to  have 
earned  him  to  a  censurable  extreme  and  seriously 
impaired  his  usefulness  as  a  child  of  light.  It  is  to 
be  hoped  that  his  congregation  may  mark  their 
sense  of  the  impropriety  of  his  conduct  by  sustain- 
ing an  iron  silence  when  he  kneels  in  the  pulpit 
and  asks  the  Lord  to  sanctify  that  last  shot  to  the 
soul  of  the  deceased. 

The  entirely  illogical  and  reasonless  nature  of 
the  average  human  mind  was  shown  in  a  conspicu- 
ous way  last  week  in  the  quarrel  between  Mr. 
Theodore  Thomas  and  his  audiences  with  their 
servile  following  of  editors  and  "  critics."  Mr. 
Thomas  came  to  San  Francisco  with  the  repeatedly 
announced  and  universally  understood  intention  of 
giving  concerts  of  classical  music.  Before  every 
concert  he  advertised  the  evening's  programme. 
Nobody  was  compelled  to  attend  ;  Mr.  Thomas 
virtually  said  :  "  This  is  what  I  have  for  sale  ;  take 
it  or  leave  it.  There  are  other  qualities  of  goods 
in  the  market,  but  this  is  the  quality  sold  in  my 
shop.  Some  dealers  throw  in  extras — encores  ;  I 
do  not."  Now  what  right  had  any  one  who  pur- 
chased a  ticket  subject  to  these  conditions  to  de- 
mand a  different  quality  or  greater  quantity  of 
music  than  his  ticket  entitled  him  to  '? 


The  holders  of  season  tickets  had  no  more  right 
than  others.  They  bought  goods  "  to  arrive  ""J 
and  the  goods  delivered  were  in  all  respects  what 
they  had  been  represented  to  be.  With  regard  to 
any  that  the  representations  did  not  cover,  in  pur- 
chasing without  an  understanding  they  bound 
themselves  to  accept  without  complaint  or  protest 
whatever  the  seller  might  think  it  right  to  supply. 
They  had  no  claim  upon  him  for  anything  else. 
When  you  buy  "  a  pig  in  a  poke  "  it  is  not  per- 
mitted to  you  to  haggle  about  the  breed  of  porker 
that  you  get,  nor  to  demand  that  the  animal  be 
twins. 


Your  offense  has  an  added  intolerableness  if  the 
pig  that  you  get  is  a  fair,  orbicular  Berkshire,  and 
the  supplementary  pig  that  you  clamor  for  is  a 
razor-backed,  wedge-headed  land-shark  whose 
home,  sooweet,  sooweet  home,  is  on  the  barren 
banks  of  the  S'wanee  Ribber,  far,  far  away.  The 
encore  is  always  that  variety  of  pig— the  Sr.rofa  dis- 
gustlvoca. 


Dropping  (with  regret)  this  elegant  metaphor,  I 
should  like  to  say  that  in  my  judgment  MissThurs- 
by  was  as  bad  as  her  admirers.  She  tried  to  work 
up  a  little  "  buoin  "  for  herself  at  the  expense  of 
her  fellow  artists,  and  in  violation  of  the  terms  of 


her  engagement,  by  persuading  her  audience  to 
compel  an  encore.  There  was  no  mistaking  her 
every  altitude,  gesture,  look.  They  said  as  plainly 
as  possible  :  "  Keep  it  up  and  make  him  yield." 
But  apparently  Mr.  Thomas  is  not  madeof  yield- 
ing material.  I  confess  to  an  honest  admiration 
for  the  fellow,  and  wish  I  could  understand  as 
much  of  his  music  as  I  do  of  his  courage. 


Miss  Thursby's  parting  "  card  to  the  public  " 
was  in  execrable  taste.  Translated  into  English  it 
meant  :  "  I  thank  you  for  the  clapping,  stamping, 
shouting  and  whistling  with  which  you  interrupted 
the  concert  to  testify  your  regard  for  me,  your 
contempt  for  Mr.  Thomas  and  your  yearning  for 
the  S'wanee  Ribber.  I  perfectly  agree  with  you  in 
all  these  matters,  and  when  I  return  to  your  city — 
one  of  the  several  hundred  "  scenes  of  my  earliest 
triumphs  " — hope  to  find  that  every  one  of  you  has 
kept  for  me  a  warm  place  in  his  heart  and  a  bright 
dollar  in  his  pocket."  If  Miss  Thursby's  singing 
were  as  bad  as  her  manners  it  would  be  money  in 
her  pocket — in  San  Francisco. 


A  certain  slavering  idiot  there  was,  and  the 
same  swang  in  a  hammock  and  was  molested  of 
flies.  Wherefore  he  had  an  oath  ripe  and  cast  it 
out  of  him  thus  :  "  Plague  on  the  flies  !  "  Stricken 
with  apprehension  because  of  this  profane  speech, 
the  slavering  idiot  fell  into  deep  dejection  and  was 
real  sick,  and  began  violently  to  reason  in  the  way 
following  : 

"  When  I  cry  :  '  Plague  on  the  flies,'  I  charge  my  best 
friend  with  cruelty,  or  with  folly  !  for  John  tells  us  that 
Jesus  our  Savior  was  with  God,  and  was  God— that  by 
him  all  things  were  created.  So  every  fly  that  buzzes 
around  us  is  as  truly  a  messenger  from  heaven  as  the 
ADgel  of  the  Annunciation  was  to  the  Virgin  Mary. 

Now  this  pious  excretion  of  the  idiotic  mind 
stuck  to  the  idiotic  memory  in  the  character  of 
crusted  slush,  which  being  afterward  scraped  off 
was  spread  upon  the  record  in  a  religious  weekly 
named  The  Occident,  and  signed  "  Rusticus  ", 
whereof  the  plain  English  is  "  Oxidized  Affliction." 


Now,  whereas  the  reasoning  of  the  slavering 
idiot  "-Rusticus  "  is  as  the  reasoning  of  a  black 
bat,  cave-bom  and  vapor-fed,  yet  tinds  acceptance 
in  the  pious  press,  I  have  ventured  to  transcribe 
from  the  tablets  of  my  own  humble  understanding 
the  meditation  subjoined  : 

"  When  I  cry  '  Plague  on  the  tapeworms,'  I  charge  my 
best  friend  with  cruelty,  or  with  folly  !  for  John  tells  us 
that  Jesus  our  Savior  was  with  God,  and  was  God— that 
by  hiin  all  things  were  created.  So  every  tapeworm  do- 
ing business  in  the  lesser  bowel  of  us  is  as  truly  a  messen- 
ger from  heaven  as  the  Angel  of  the  Annunciation  was  to 
the  Virgin  Mary." 

And  this  noble  example  of  religious  logic  I  com- 
mend to  the  editor  of  the  Occident  for  his  approval 
and  edification.  May  it  knock  him  silly  is  the 
prayer  o'  me. 

I  have  the  bono]"  to  suggest  that  the  procession 
in  honor  of  American  independence  and  the  birth 
of  republican  institutions  on  this  continent  include 
the  following  persons  and  things,  some  of  which 
will  have  to  be  brought  from  the  East  :  Carriage 
containing  Messrs.  Brady,  Dorsey,  Jay  Hubbell 
and  John  S.  Gray.  Float  with  effigies  represent- 
ing Mr.  Wheeler  strangling  an  Old  World  tyrant. 
The  mob  that  hung  Garcia.  Delegation  of  thieves 
from  the  United  States  Senate.  Herd  of  judges 
branded  C.  P.  R.  R.  Surviving  members  of  Grant's 
cabinet  in  ten  battalions,  headed  by  a  band  play- 
ing "  The  Rogue's  March. "  Single  politician. 
(The  others  are  supposed  to  be  at  the  Grand  Mar- 
shal's office  dividing  the  money  subscribed  for  the 


celebration. )  Poet  of  the  Day  in  care  of  keeper. 
Long,  low  black  schooner  (un  wheels)  manned  by 
eight  School  Directors.  Unassorted  citizens,  shoot- 
ing one  another.  Faithful  Californian  husband 
with  credentials  signed  by  Academy  of  Sciences. 
Ditto  wife,  magnified  iifteen  hundred  diameters. 
Orator  of  the  Day  cold  sober.  Four  miles  of 
militia  shivering  drunk.  Float  with  figures  repre- 
senting "The  Apotheosis  of  the  Toy  Pistol." 
Sandlotter  with  public  plunder.  Tramp  displaying 
certificate  of  election.  Irish  murderer  in  Mb  robes 
of  office.  Editor  enlightening  the  world  with  a 
tin  lantern.     Hearse  with  corpse  of  Liberty. 


Blockheading  the  procession  will  be  Grand  Mar- 
shal the  Hon.  David  McClure,  in  egg-proof  armor 
and  bearing  an  umbrella  impervious  to  dead  cats. 
Altogether,  this  ought  to  be  the  grandest  Fourth 
of  July  celebration  we  have  had  for  a  year. 


I  forgot  the  Supervisors.     Of  course  they  should 
be  somewhere  in  the  swim,  characteristically  pock- 
eting  the  cobble-stones  of  the  roadway.     I   hope 
some  patriotic  soprano  can  be  induced  to  sing  : 
"  0  say  does  the  bar-strangled  hanger  yet  wave 

O'er  the  land  of  the  thief  and  the  home  of  the  knave  '.'" 


The  Chronicle  on  Sunday  last  had  a  fascinating 
Paris  letter  from  its  ownest  own  correspondent, 
Mr.  J.  H.  Haynie.  Unluckily  for  the  theory  of 
this  person's  existence,  the  Imp  of  the  Perverse  put 
it  into  the  head  of  the  Call's  scissors  editor  to  pub- 
lish the  same  letter  on  the  same  day,  honestly 
credited  to  the  Philadelphia  Times.  It  should  be 
stated,  however,  that  the  letter  had  undergone 
certain  valuable  improvements  in  transmission 
from  the  columns  of  the  last  mentioned  journal  to 
those  of  the  Chronicle.  The  ownest  own  resembles 
Midas  in  turning  to  gold  whatever  he  touches,  and 
also  in  having  the  ears  of  an  ass. 

A  writer  in  the  New  York  Star  confesses  with 
sorrow  that  there  is  one  serious  objection  to  bicycle 
riding — "  it  is  a  pleasure  that  a  fellow  can  not 
share  with  a  lady."  Not  evenly  ;  seat  the  lady 
and  ride  round  and  round  her  and  she  gets  con- 
siderably more  than  one-half. 

This  writer's  "  one  objection  "  to  bicycle  riding 
reminds  me  of  the  famous  English  auctioneer  who 
in  his  advertisement  of  a  gentleman's  country  resi- 
dence that  he  had  for  sale  frankly  confessed  that 
the  property  had  two  grave  disadvantages — "the 
noise  of  the  nightingales  and  the  litter  of  rose 
leaves." 


The  Hon.  M.  M.  Estee  having  been  elected 
President  of  the  California  State  Sportsmen's  Asso- 
ciation, has  set  himself  to  work  with  characteristic 
energy  to  study  the  game  laws  in  the  light  of  reason 
and  common  sense.  He  thinks,  as  far  as  he  has 
got,  that  the  act  creating  a  close  season  for  Demo- 
cratic voters  is  unconstitutional. 


The  Chronicle  addresses  an  editorial  article  as 
long  as  a  man's  leg  "To  Our  Close-Fisted  Citi- 
zens." They  won't  see  it,  neighbor  ;  they  are  little 
addicted  to  the  disastrous  extravagance  of  pouring 
fifteen  cents  a  week  into  your  coffers. 


"  To  look  at  that  man,"  said  Jex,  pointing  to  a 
fat  major  of  militia  in  full  canonicals,  "  you  would 
not  suppose  he  sold  candles  for  a  living,  would 
you  ?  " 

"  No-o-o,"  was  the  drawling  reply  ;  "  I  should 
think  he  ate  them." 


For  President,   James  Dods,    of  Oakland. 
Vice-President,  John  S.  Gray,  of  GuaymaB. 


For 


THE    WASP 


A     BLUE    BRIDE. 


She  can  do  a  neat  acrostic  ;  she  can  rhyme  like  anything  ; 

She  has  very  often  written  for  the  press  : 
She  has  started  on  a  novel — a  wild,  weird  and  fleshy  thing. 

And  she  pens  a  weekly  article  on  dress. 

She  is  clever,  so  they  tell  me— they  have  even  called  her 
blue  ; 
She  will  write  a  five  act  tragedy  some  day— 
But  there's  holes  in  all  the  stockings  that  I  bought  so 
lately  new, 
And  the  buttons  on  my  shirts  have  gone  astray. 

If  I  venture  to  uaress  her  I  am  often  daubed  with  ink. 

Or  mucilage  or  some  such  horrid  stuff— 
For   a  loving,  yearling  husband,  you'll  acknowledge,  I 
should  think 

Such  occurrences  mist  be  regarded  rough. 

Of  course  her  talents  wake  in  me  reciprocating  pride, 
Of  course  I'm  pleased  to  think  of  her  as  great ; 

Of  course  I'm  more  than  flattered  to  be  walking  at  the 
side 
Of  one  whose  name  is  known  throughout  the  state  ; 

But  none  the  less  I  murmur  when  I  know  that  men  regard 
Her  priceless  china— me,  mere  paltry  delf  ; 

And,  for  a  yearling  husband,  I  am  sure  it's  very  hard 
That  she  thinks  more  of  the  public  than  himself. 

— The  Hour. 


SONS    OF    MARS. 


It  lias  always  been  the  fashion  in  this  country 
to  look  upon  our  military  and  naval  officers  as  the 
very  incarnation  of  all  that  is  aristocratic.  Gilded 
shoddydora  and  haughty  knickerbockerdom  are  at 
one  on  this  point.  To  have  graduated  from  West 
Point  or  Anapolis  is  to  be  a  nob,  even  though  the 
cadet  may  have  been  the  fat-headed  son  of  a  coun- 
try grocer  to  whom  the  appointing  Congressman 
was  indebted  for  cheese  and  candles.  Of  late, 
however,  these  curled  darlings  seem  to  have  been 
making  a  concerted  effort  to  prove  that  they  are  in 
rtality  no  better  than  other  men.  We  have  had 
Colonel  Nickerson  basely  betraying  his  wife  for  the 
sake  of  his  paramour  ;  Chief  Engineer  Melville 
brutally  publishing  his  wife's  weakness  and  dis- 
grace ;  Paymaster  Wasson  lying  like  a  fisherman  to 
conceal  his  theft  and  then  seeking  to  save  himself 
from  jail  by  "  giving  away  "  the  friends  who  played 
poker  with  him  in  his  own  house  and  by  his  own 
invitation.  And  now  the  latest  contestant  for  the 
honor  of  elevating  the  service  in  the  public  estima- 
tion is  an  Angel  Island  Colonel  who  is  being  cour- 
martialed  by  our  local  military  authorities.  The 
charges  brought  against  this  pampered  aristocrat  are 
of  a  somewhat  pronounced  order.  According  to 
to  the  innumerable  specifications,  the  Colonel  is  a 
confirmed  drunkard,  and  would  rather  be  drunk  on 
duty  than  at  any  other  time.  When  in  this  con- 
dition (according  to  the  specifications)  his  small 
talk  is  "  unusual,"  and  he  is  never  more  genially 
chatty  after  this  fashion  than  when  ladies  are 
present.  But  this  isn't  the  end  of  the  Colonel's 
fascination.  It  appears  (again  according  to  the 
specifications)  that  he  is  disagreeably  untidy  in  his 
person.  We  sincerely  hope  that  the  gallant  gen- 
tleman will  eventually  clear  his  coat-tails  of  these 
soft  impeachments  ;  but  at  present  it  looks  very 
much  as  if  he  would  find  it  easier  to  shed  the  coat. 


IDEAS    FOR     SALE. 


Those  eminent  auctioneers,  Messrs.  Stumpy  & 
Rowdy,  will  during  the  coming  week  offer  for  sale 
by  auction  a  large  and  varied  assortment  of  prom- 
inent ideas.  At  this  sale  something  will  be  found 
to  suit  the  tastes  of  every  one,  as  the  stock  in 
question  comprises  a  full  line  of  ideas,  from  the 
swift  thoroughbred  to  the  humble  burro  which  has 
faithfully  packed  its  master's  grub,  summer  and 
winter,  until  it  lias  grown  yellow  in  the  service. 
The  following  are  some  of  the  lots  which  will  be 
offered  : 

A  Presidential  Boom.  Age  cannot  wither  nor 
custom  stale  this  valuable  idea.  It  can  be  used 
time  after  time  and  never  seems  to  wear  out.  It 
resembles  an  appetite  that  grows  with  eating. 
During  off  seasons  it  sleeps  and  sucks  its  paws  for  a 
living,  but  it  is  now  waking  up  and  will  be  quite 
lively  in  the  near  future. 

An  Assorted  Lot  of  Senatorial  Aspirations.  These 
are  something  which  no  gentleman  should  be  with- 
out. Take  one  home  to  your  wife  and  ask  her  how 
"  Mrs.  United  States  Senator  Gumchoozle  "  would 
look  on  her  cards.  They  are  a  source  of  never-end- 
ing joy  in  the  family  and  their  possession  causes 
a  man  to  be  greatly  respected  in  society  circles. 

A  Great  Moral  Idea.  Admirably  adapted  for 
campaign  purposes  and  can  be  laid  on   the   shelf 


after  election.  Does  not  spoil  by  keeping.  The 
attention  of  clerical  gents  is  also  directed  to  this 
valuable  property.  It  is  well  suited  for  sermons  or 
tombstone  use,  and  served  up  with  an  appropriate 
snuffle  would  make  a  dish  that  would  physic  the  devil 
worse  than  a  hot  gospel  criss-crossed  with  a  parson's 
ink-fuddled  thumb.  It  is  offered  for  sale  because 
the  owner  has  no  further  use  for  it. 

The  Chronicle's  Honesty.  This  idea,  although 
somewhat  soiled  by  handling,  has  been  sold  over 
and  over  again  at  good  prices.  Its  exquisite  trans- 
parency is  one  of  its  most  agreeable  features. 

A  Tariff  for  Revenue  Only.  An  idea  of  immense 
vitality  and  force.  The  owner  is  afraid  of  its  be- 
coming unmanageable  on  his  hands  and  is  conse- 
quently anxious  to  sell.  In  the  proper  hands  it 
will  prove  a  good  investment  if  the  owner  can 
afford  to  lie  out  of  his  money  for  a  time. 

The  Plan  of  a  Great  American  Drama.  This  is 
the  only  genuine  idea  of  the  kind  in  the  market, 
although  a  number  of  worthless  imitations  have 
been  foisted  on  a  credulous  public.  It  is  entitled, 
"  The  Ten  Commandments  in  a  Stew."  A  reserve 
price  of  $1  75  has  been  placed  on  this  lot  and  pay- 
ment may  be  made  by  instalments. 

The  following  properties  are  offered  for  lease  : 

The  Total  Depravity  of  Spring  Valley.  This 
idea  is  offered  for  lease  until  there  is  some  money 
paid  into  the  San  Francisco  treasury  under  com- 
promise.    It  is  a  good  deal  worn  by  use. 

The  Harrying  of  the  Pope's  Irish.  This  well- 
seasoned  idea  has  been  for  many  years  the  sole 
support  of  an  industrious  orphan  boy  who  now, 
having  obtained  lucrative  employment  of  another 
character,  offers  it  for  lease  for  a  short  period. 

OUTIS. 


NEWS    0'    THE    WEEK. 


Too    much    triennial    conclavity.       Give    us    a 

change. Fire  at  San  Mateo. Combusted  San 

Joae. Devouring  element  at  Fresno. Mor- 
ton Block,   San  Francisco,    heap   gone. Street 

Superintendent  wants  more  money.     So  do  we. 

Railroad  will  put  on  a  special  train  to  bring  the 
sisters  and  the  cousins  and  the  aunts  of  School 
Directors    from    the    East.     Where's   the   merry, 

merry  wrecker  ? Ellen  Halsey  did   it   with  her 

little  hatchet   to  Margaret  Bowers. Arrival  of 

Senator  Miller.  Hope  springs  infernal  in  the  in- 
human breast  of  the  willin'  patriot. Bob  Morrow 

makes  it  sultry  for  the  Market-Street  cable. 

Archie   Borland   sues   everybody.     Judgment    for 

defendants  ;    plaintiff  hasn't    any. Prominent 

citizen  went  to  a  picnic.  Cause  :  domestic  infelic- 
ity.  Fewer  weddings.     It's  too  hot. Busted 

dam  on  the  Yuba.  Not  a  dam  man  drowned, 
though. — —Probable  case  of  infanticide  ;  unknown 
man  was  seen  buying  a  toy   pistol  for   his   little 

damboy. Death  in  high  life.     The  name  of  the 

remains  is  carefully  withheld  from  publication  lest 

Mr.  Pickering  should  write  an  obituary  poem. 

Oakland  wants  a  cable  road  and  the  owners  of 
the  Mountain  View  Cemetery  are  enlarging  their 

accommodations. James   Lynch,   instigated  by 

his  name,  hanged  himself  without  judge  or  jury. 
Suppose  he  knew  best  whether  he  was  guilty  or 

not. Crook  is  permitted  to  place  his  captured 

squaws  and  papooses  on  the  San  Carlos  Reserva- 
tion, but  the  lame  buck  is  to  be  held  as  a  prisoner 

of  war. There  were  no  women  in  the  city  prison 

on  Wednesday  last  for  as  much  as  an  hour — the 
first  time  it  ever  occurred.  (See  our  article  next 
week   on    u  The   Enlargement   of   the    Sphere   of 

Woman's  Activity. ") Police  ' '  will  enforce  the 

ordinance  against  fire -crackers,   bombs  and  pistols 

on  the  Fourth  of  July."     Will  they,  though  ? 

Body  of  an  unknown  man  found.  Supposed  to  be 
that  of  the  ambitious  State  Senator.  Mr.   Sullivan. 


A  good  stoiy  is  told  of  the  wife  of  an  American 
diplomatist,  who  is  fond  of  calling  upon  the  cele- 
brities in  every  place  where  she  visits.  Being  in 
Florence  some  time  ago,  she  expressed  her  inten- 
tion of  calling  upon  "  Ouida,"  the  well-known 
novelist.  Her  friends  attempted  to  dissuade  her, 
saying  that  "  Ouida  "  had  a  violent  prejudice 
against  Americans.  Undeterred,  the  female  di- 
plomatist called  at  the  novelist's  house  and  was 
met  by  ' '  Ouida, "  who  said  :  ' :  I  must  tell  you  that 
I  exceedingly  dislike  Americans."  "I  am  very 
much  surprised  to  hear  that,'1  was  the  reply,  "  for 
they  are  the  only  people  who  read  your  nasty 
books  !  " — The  Hour. 


DENTISTRY. 

C.  O.  Dean ,  D.  D,  S. ,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


LITERARY    NOTES. 


Of  Mr.  Clark  Russell's  sea  stories,  The  Wreck  of 
tlte  Grosvenor,  Tlte  Sea,  Queen,  etc, ,  the  New  York 
Star  says  they  "  till  one's  nostrils  with  the  spray 
and  ozone  of  the  restless  billows."  That  is  faint 
praise  ;  they  are  so  realistic  and  vivid  that  they 
make  the  reader  so  seasick  that  he  can  hardly  trust 
himself  to  smile  and  aver  that  he  never  felt  better 
in  his  0  my  ! 


X.  Y.  Z.,  is  the  latest  idiocy  in  book  titles. 


Miss  A.  Mary  F.  Robinson,  the  poet  and  bio- 
grapher of  Charlotte  Bronte,  is  described  as  aa 
slender,  delicate,  young  girl  of  passionate"  enthusi- 
asms." That  doesn't  excuse  her  in  parting  her 
name  on  both  sides,  though. 


Mr.  Henry  James,  Jr.,  has  dramatised  his  Daimj 
Miller.  In  the  dramatic  version  the  heroine, 
whom  he  righteously  slew  in  the  original  story,  is 
resuscitated  by  being  warmed  over,  and  will  live 
to  a  green  old  age  if  she  lasts  as  long  as  her  author 
keeps  at  work  on  her.  The  Atlantic  has  published 
both  versions  and  is  clamoring  for  some  more 
Daisy.  Mr.  James  thinks  he  will  put  her  into 
poetry  next  time  and  make  some  additions  to  her 


Turgereff  has  the  rheumatism  and  thinks  some- 
what better  of  the  Nihilists  now. 


When  Hawthorne  and  Thackeray  and  George 
Eliot  died,  says  a  writer  in  the  New  York  World, 
it  may  fairly  be  said,  speaking  generally  enough  to 
make  exceptions  of  the  author  of  "  Lorna  Doone  " 
and  perhaps  one  or  two  other  writers,  the  race  of 
novelists  who  wrote  literature  passed  away.  Then 
the  troop  who  made  fiction,  as  Bulwer  and  Disraeli 
made  it,  for  money  or  notoriety  came  on,  and 
every  year  it  has  become  larger.  An  approximately 
correct  estimate  of  the  number  of  novels  published 
and  republished  in  America  since  last  June  shows 
that  not  less  than  1,500  have  been  put  on  the 
market.  Of  this  1,500  it  would  be  a  bold  person 
who  should  predict  a  year's  remembrance  for  so 
many  as  a  half  dozen. 


Harpers  Handbook  for  Travelers  is  now  so  nearly 
perfect  in  its  latest  edition  that  people  intending 
to  visit  the  Old  World  would  do  well  to  buy  it — 
instead. 


A  few  counties  in  Maryland  are  to  be  annexed 
to  the  District  of  Columbia  to  accommodate  the 
Congressional  Library,  which  is  growing  like  a 
yearling  steer.  It  contains  more  than  a  half  mil- 
lion volumes,  variously  worthless. 


The  "  college  "  that  made  Mr.  Bartlett  of  the 
Bulletin  a  Doctor  of  Laws  is  in  Maryville,  but  where 
Maryville  is  Dr.  Bartlett  only  knows. 


The  July  number  of  the  Century  has  several 
letters  written  by  Emerson  soon  after  he  left  Har- 
vard. The  last  number  contained  a  dozen  or  more 
pages  of  his  unreported  lectures — written  from 
memory  !  Could  there  be  a  more  nonsensical 
attempt  ? 


The  United  States  Monthly  of  Chicago  presents 
an  autograph  of  Wendell  Phillips,  his  name  being 
signed  to  this  little  anecdote  : 

"  After  a  day's  weary  march  Mohammed  was 
camping  with  his  followers.  One  said  '  I  will  loose 
my  camel  and  commit  it  to  God.'  Mohammed 
said  :  '  Friend,  tie  thy  camel  and  then  commit  it 
to  God.'  " 

A  manuscript  Life  of  St.   Patrick,   in  Latin,  for-  J 
merly  belonging  to  an  Irish  Monastry  at  Wurzburg, 
has  been  discovered  in  the  royal  library  at  Brus- 
sels.    Another  one,  not  quite  in  Latin  yet  but  half 
in  English,  may  be  found  on  the  dead-copy  hook  I 
in  the   office   of  our  esteemed- contemporary,  the  | 
Argonaut. 


Fame  in  England  involves,  according  to  the 
Saturday  Review,  one  fearful  penalty.  "  When  a 
boy  starts  on  the  journey  of  life  with  half-a-crown  ' 
in  his  pocket,  two  ideaB  beset  him — one  happy,  one 
depressing.  He  knows  that  he  must  make  a  for- 
tune, for  boyB  who  start  with  half-a-crown  always 
do.  But  he  is  also  aware  that  Mr.  Smiles  is  lying 
in  wait  to  write  his  life,  and  to  number  him  among 
self-made  men  and  examples  of  virtue  self-evolved.  ' 


THE    WASP. 


GOLD    QTTARTZ    JEWELRY. 

Eastern  visitors  intending  to  purchase  <  bliforni 
jewel*  y  should  pay  a  t  lait  to  the  manufacturing  establish- 
ment of  ffngh  fiiauldin,  208  Sutter  street. 


•SZ^e^^b;^  &&&£&&>* 


LYDIA 


PlNKHAiVTS 


VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

A  Sore  Core   for   all    FEMALE    WEAK- 
NESSES,   Including   Iieiu-orrbirn,    Ir- 
regular and  Painful  Menstrual  ion, 
Inflammation  and  Ulceration  of 
the  Womb,    Flooding,  PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI,  &c. 
tyPleasant  to  the  taste,  efficacious  and  Immediate 
in  its  effect.    It  is  a  threat  help  In  pregnancy,  and   re- 
lieves pain  during:  labor  and  at  regular  periods. 
JUrVSICUSS  TSE  IT  AND  THESC'RIBE  it  fketly. 
;^*For  at.t,  Weaknesses  of  the  generative  organs 
-of  either  sex,  it  is  second  to  no  remedy  that  has  ever 
been  before  the  public ;  and  for  all   diseases  of  the 
Kqutets  it  is  the  Greatest  Remedy  in  the  World. 
J^-KIDNEY  COMPLAINTS  of  Either  Sex 
Find  Great  Relief  in  Its  Use. 

LVDIA  E.  PEVKHAM'S  BLOOD  PURITIER 

■will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Qui.ji.is  from  *e 
Blood,  at  the  same  time  »ill  give  dine  and  .-trengtu  t  n 
Ihesyatem.    Asittarvellonain  results  as  the  Compound. 

BTBoth  the  Compound  and  Bhiod  Purifier  are  pre- 
pared at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn.  Mass. 
Price  of  either,  $1.  Six  bottles  for  $5.  The  Compound 
is  sent  by  mail  in  the  form  of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on 
receipt  of  price,  $1  per  box  for  either.  Mr.i,  Pinkham 
freely  answers  all  letters  of  inquiry.  Enclose  3  cent 
stamp.    Send  for  pamphlet.    Mention  this  Paper. 

rJTLYDiA  B.  Ptntotam's  Lives  Pills  cure  Constipa- 
tion. Biliousness  and  Torpidity  of  the  Liver.    25  cents. 

t.  e  Sold  by  all  Druggists.'=S5S.        Co 


&&T  Cares  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervous  and  Physical  Debility,  Vital  Ex- 
haustion, Weakness,  Loss  of  Manhood  and 
all  the  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  y«utliful  indiscretions.  It  pre- 
vents permanently  all  weakening  drains 
upon  the  system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed, 
Price.  Ji,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottlvs  Jto.eo 
To  be  had  only  of  Or.  C.    0.    SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  will  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and   age.      Communications  stricay 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the   Kidneys  and 

LIVER  — 

It  lias  specific  action  on  t.Tnn  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

■■  Q|ot,;^      If  you  areBuffering  from 
ITB  d  I  d  I  I  d  ■  malaria,  have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  ctH-e. 

In  the   Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  Bhould  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
tl-   SOLD  BY  DRUCCISTS.  Price  SI. 


KIDNEY- WORT  1 


$72 


A  WEEK.     S12  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co.,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 

6O  Q  KKABNT  STREET,  8AI* 
i*C  O  FrsncUco—  Established 
in  1854  for  the  treatment  and  care  o' 
Special  Diseases,  nervous  and  physical 
Debility,  or  diseases  werr.ugon  body 
and  mind,  perman'-^t.y  cured  The 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  him.  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  In  Europe,  and  in- 
spected thoroughly  the  various  hos- 
pitals there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  ol 
valuable  information,  which  he  Is 
competent  to  impart  to  those  In  need 
of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
mahe  no  charge  unless  he  effects  a 
cure.  Peraons'at  adietahce  may  be  CURED  AT  HOME.  All 
comnmnicatloos  strictly  confidential.  Charges  resonahle.  Call 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1957,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  you  saw  this  advertisement  lu  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Miiiwood,    Glenwood,    Hudson   and   Our  Choice. 

p)ON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
^  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  castings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
naif  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f ' g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and   Let;ers  of    In- 
quiry to  : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


0.  HERRMANN  &  00. 

(HERRMANN,    The    Hatter.) 

WILL    GIVE  TOD 

j^    Better    Hat 

Fur  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Ooast.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Factory  we  a»e  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny    Street,      336. 

Between    Bash   and    Tine,  San  Franelsco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ■ S 

COMPOUND     EXTRACTS 

—   OF   — 

\  Cubebs    and    Copaiba 

This  compound  i-  superior  to  any 
preparation  hitherto  invented,  com- 
bimng  in  a  rery highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical   properties  of  the 

(.'ul.ieb.s  and  (.'opaiha.  Hue  recom- 
mend u  tin  n  this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  a 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO., 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York.  For  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


'GO  «§• 


m 


m$M 


}URES  AIL  PAINS:  NICE   tn    IJ  s  E ! 

iimiKis  A  CO.,  Druggists,  San  Jose,  California. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


D 


R.ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 

Established    1852. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 
and  BEST 

BATHS 

On  tiik  Pacific  Coast. 

TURKISH.     RUSSIAN.     STEAM,     SI  LPHI  It 

or  oilier    Medicated    lEullis. 


FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

SSf  All  on  the  ground  flour  (no  basement),  Nos.  522,  524,  52ft 
ami  528  Pacific  Street,  near  Commercial  Hotel,  between 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Carl  Zeile's 
Drug-  Store.  Open  from  V  a.  m.  to  S  p.  m.,  Sundays  till  3  r.  u 
Private  rooms  for  patients. 

N.    B — Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  185"! 

2^-  INSURE    IN    THE     BEST.   -•" 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Dollars.    Paid  to 

Policy   Holders,  over  Seven    Million    Hollars. 

"The   Old    and    Reliable" 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY, 

Total   Assets,         ■        -        -  .$50,550,981. 65 

Total    Income,         ■       ■       •     $11,404, 143.80 
Reliable.  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure  Life  Policy,  at  liberal  terms, 
can  apply  to 

A.  G.   H  AWES,  Manager  for  Pacific  Coast. 
■-•■.'(>  Sansoiuc  Street,       ...      San  Francisco. 


N 


VIGO   BAY  TREASURE   COMPANY. 


CAPITAL,    $800,000 


DIRIX  TORS: 

OLIVER  ELDRIDGE,  President. 

JOHN"  H.  REDINGTON,  Treasurer. 

H.  F.  TESCHEMACHER.  Wll.  NORRIS. 

Chief  Engineer -C'OL.  JOHN  E.  GOWEN. 

Attorney— JOHN  T.  DOYLE. 

Applications  for  shares  or  descriptive  pamphlets  can  be 
made  to  David  Wilder,  Secretary,  Room  21,  Safe  De- 
posit Building,  328  Montgomery  Street. 


CARDS 


New  Styles:  iSolA  Beveled  JMge ana 
Ckromo  Visiting  Cards  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromos  with  name,  10c,  a  present 

tcitheachord&-.VLiS£Qzi  Beos.  k  Co.fOUntuUvUIe.CoiuL 


Sick    Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS. 


/NOLUMBUS    BKEWEBY,  WAHL  &  HOSS    Jr., 


u 


1  Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  baera- 
J  mento.      Christ.  Wahl,  John  Hoss,  Jr. 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CAEEAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc.     US' A.  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


WM     M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,   Green  and  Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc. ,  123-125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 

ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "  SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flour  "—the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co.  proprietors. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  2S0  and  282  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

JH.    O'BRIEN,    WHOLESALE    DEALER    IN 
Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,   No.   224  Main  street, 
•     Odd  Fellows'  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


THE    GEYSERS. 

T'  HE  GEYSERS  HOTEL  IS  NOW  OPENED  FOR 
the  entertainment  nf  families  and  tourists.  Among 
the  accessories  of  this  famouss  resort  are  extensive 

Swimming  Katlis  or  Clear  Mineral  Waler  :  also,  Medi- 
cated Steam  Baths. 

In  addition  to  the  excellent  accommodations  of  the 
Hotel,  there  are  Pleasant  Cottages  fitted  to  minister  to 
the  pleasure  and  comfort  of  the  occupants. 

THE      SCENEKY 
Surrounding  the  Geysers  is  nowhere  excelled  in  grandeur. 
The  climate  offers  an  agreeable  change  from  the  fog  and 
dust  of  the  city.  '  The  drives  are  superb  and  the  roads  are 
now  open. 

Terms— $3  per  day  aud  $15  per  week. 

WM.   FORSYTH,  Proprietor. 


The  Cocoa  Crop  is  Short 

LOOK   OUT  FOR  ADULTERATIONS 
By    Using 

WALTER    BAKER    &  CO.'S 

Chocolate 

You  will  be  Sure  of  Securing  the  Best 

WM.    T.    COLEMAN    .1    CO.,   Sole   Agents. 


ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every    Vawety    of    Plain    and    Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C.     HUGHES, 

Sll    Sansoinc    Street,  Corner  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310   Pansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 


Skirt  and  Stocking  Supporters,  etc. 
Sample  outfit'Frec.  Address  Queen 
City  Suspender  Co.,Cir:innati  O 


American    Bunting 

FLAGS! 

SEND    FOR    PRICES. 

Gr.  M.  (Tosselyn  &  Co., 

38  &  40  MARKET  STREET,  S.  F. 


L.  R.  ELLERT  &  CO, 


Druggists. 


$66 


a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  §5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
dress H.  Hallkt  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


The  attention  of  our  readers  is  invited  to  that  elegant 
little  Pharmacy  at  the  corner  of  California  and  Kearny 
streets,  formerly  owned  by  Painter  &  Vbeeland. 

Messrs.  ET  T.ERT  &  CO.,  who  have  lately  succeeded 
them,  have  had  an  extended  experience  as  Pharmacists, 
and  with  a  full  supply  of  fresh  Drugs,  Perfumery,  fine 
Toilet  Articles  and "  everything  requisite  for  a  well  ap- 
pointed Drug  Store,  they  feel  confident  that  they  can 
offer  suitable  inducements  to  the  public  as  will  make  it  to 
their  interest  to  give  them  a  call.  Their  Prescription  De- 
partment is  made  a  specialty,  and  as  they  do  not  pay  a 
percentage  to  Physicians,  those  who  are  compelled  to 
have  prescriptions  filled  are  assured  that  only  a  reason- 
able price  will  be  charged  for  the  same.  If  you  need 
anything  in  their  line,  give  them  a  call  and  you  may  be 
assured  of  prompt  and  courteous  attention. 


/ETNA 


Hot  Mineral  Sprinars 

N  O  W OP  E  N  7 

Situated  16  miles  east  of  St.  Helena,  in  Pope  Valley, 
Sonoma  County. 
8ST  These  waters  dgsely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany 
in  analysis  and  salutary  effects. 

Board  and  Baths,  #10  per  Week. 
The  .Etna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  daily 
(Sundays  excepted)  at  1  P.  M.,  connecting  with  the  S  A. 
M.  train  from  San   Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs 
at  5:30  P.  M.     Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlets  to 
W.    H.    UDELL, 
Lidell  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Kstnbllsued  ......  iS3G 

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NEAR  _S_I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  30  per  cent.  Lower  tban  any  other  House  on 
the    Coast. 


SEND    FOR    A    CATALOGUE. 


°m, 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis,  -  Assets,  8450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y.,  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,    -  545,000 

Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       -       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &.  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL. 
W,  J.  CALLINGHAM    &  CO., 


OTHER    FOOLS'     FOLLIES, 


Rich  uncle  to  his  physician—1'  So  you  think  there  is 
hope  for  me  ?  "  "  Not  only  that,  but  I  can  assure  you 
that  you  are  saved."  "  Very  well,  I  wish  yon  would  in- 
fopm  my  nephew  ;  but  break  the  news  gently  to  him." 


It  is  said  that  Mr.  John  L.  Sullivan  can't  fight  any 
more  than  five  or  six  rounds.  It  might  also  be  said  in 
this  connection  that  Mr.  John  L.  Sullivan  doesn't  have  to. 


A  case  is  on  record  where  a  barber  and  his  victim  were 
both  happy.     The  former  talked  on  without  interruption 

and  the  latter  was  deaf. 


The  man  that  runs  an  auction 

And  watches  for  a  nod, 
Must  either  be  near-sighted, 

Or  else  he's  very  odd. 
For  when  you  bid  on  something 

He  smiles  with  sweet  content, 
And  thinks  you  nod  a  dollar 

When  you  only  nod  assent. 

A  lady  living  near  Algona,  Iowa,  bought  a  mourning 
outfit  at  a  milliner's  shop  in  that  town  the  other  day. 
She  said  that  her  husband  was  in  bad  health  and  likely  to 
pass  away  at  any  time,  and  it  might  not  be  handy  to  come 
to  town  for  these  things  when  she  needed  them. 


Parson  Talmage  calls  the  dude  "the  nux  vomica  of  mod- 
ern society." 


"  My  dear,  now  pray  don't  get  into  that  boat !  "  "  Why 
not,  darling  ?  "  ' '  It  looks  so  very  dangerous,  and  you  are 
so  awkward  ;  suppose  you  were  to  drown  whatever  would 
become  of  me  !  "  "  Do  be  quiet,  1  know  how  to  take  care 
of  myself."  "  Well,  if  you  persist,  get  into  the  boat; 
but  hadn't  you  better  leave  me  your  watch  and  chain  ?  " 


It  is  said  that  a  young  lady  can  never  whistle  in  the 
presence  of  her  lover.  The  reason  is  obvious.  He  doesn't 
give  her  a  chance.  When  she  gets  her  lips  in  a  proper 
position  for  whistling,  something  else  always  occurs. 


So.  213  SANSOME  STREET, 


SAN  FRANCISCO,   OAL. 


When  a  Missouri  man  walked  seventeen  miles  to  see  a 
man  hung,  and  the  prisoner  was  respited,  the  disgusted 
traveler  sat  down  in  a  fence  corner  and  hoarsely  inquired 
if  the  country  was  drifting  back  to  barbarism. 


Brigham  Young's  grave  is  utterly  neglected,  and  his 
widows  never  visit  it.  They  went  there  once  to  cry  over 
his  remains,  but  it  made  the  grounds  so  sloppy  that  they 
caught  cold. 

A  hornet  often  meets  with  reverses,  but  as  a  rule  he  is 
successful  in  the  end. 


The  Japanese  maiden,  instead  of  suing  her  faithless 
lover  for  breach  of  promise,  gets  up  at  two  o'clock  in  the 
morning,  dons  a  white  robe  and  high  sandals,  sticks  three 
lighted  candles  in  her  coif,  hangs  a  mirror  around  her 
neck,  takes  an  effigy  of  her  faithless  swain,  nails  it  to  the 
sacred  shrine  and  prays  for  the  death  of  the  traitor.  And 
all  this  time  the  traitor  may  be  sitting  up  with  another 
girl,  feeding  her  with  chocolate  caramels,  and  whispering 
in  her  ear  something  about  the  Hereness  of  the  Where- 
fore. Abetter  plan  would  be  for  the  girl  to  nail  her  faith- 
less lover  to  the  tree. 


Judge,  to  a  vagabond  in  the  prisoner's  box:  "You 
never  can  make  a  living  by  walking  around,  hands  in 
pocket."  "Oh,  yes  I  can,  your  Honor,"  interrupted  the 
man,  "  by  picking  pockets."    He  didn't  get  the  chance. 


"  Herr  Sanitatsrath  (medical  inspector  of  the  Board  of 
Health)  would  you  please  step  over  to  my  house ;  my 
wife  died  this  morning,  and  we  shall  want  the  certificate 
of  death  made  out."  "  Where  is  the  corpse?  "  "  On  the 
Sundberg,  about  three  miles  from  here."  "  That  is  a  long 
way  to  go  in  this  weather.  Who  attended  her  ?  "  "  Doc- 
tor Kiileinhoff."  "  Son  .'  I  tell  you  what,  I'll  make  out 
the  certificate  here  at  once.  If  Doctor  Killemhoff  has  at- 
tended her,  there's  no  need  for  further  inquiry— he's  a  man 
I  can  depend  upon." 


Some  weeks  ago  a  woman  eloped  from  Portland,  Maine, 
with  a  young  man.  Her  husband  took  it  calmly  and  did 
not  try  to  find  her.  Monday  he  received  a  letter  from 
her,  dated  at  Boston,  in  which  she  said  :  "So  far  God  has 
blessed  us  with  health,  but  John  has  no  regular  work 
yet." 


THE     WASP. 


11 


TRUE    STORIES. 


His    Weak    Point. 

<  tne  of  those  good,  old-fashioned  fathers— bora 
and  raised  on  a  f;irm,  but  willing  to  see  his 
children  lead  an  easier  life,  came  down  to  "  York  " 
the  other  day  to  see  about  getting  his  son  Moses 
into  a  bank.  He  went  to  a  friend",  and  the  friend 
sent  him  to  the  cashier,  and  the  cashier  said  : 

"  Is  your  son  quick  at  figures  ?  " 

"  Tolerably  quick." 

11  Is  he  ambitious  1  " 

"  Yes  ;  he  wants  to  get  on." 

"  Is  he  a  hard  worker  ?  " 

"  Well.  Mose  can  mow  his  three  acres  of  grass 
per  day." 

"  Why  does  he  prefer  a  bank  to  a  store  ?  ,J 

"  I  swan  !  I  never  asked  him  why,  but  I  guess 
ita  because  he  thinks  there's  a  better  chance  to 
climb  up.     Moses  is  right  on  the  climb." 

"  He  is  perfectly  honest,  of  course  V 

"  Well,  now,  that's  the  only  weak  point  Moses 
lias  got,  and  I  was  going  to  say  to  you  if  you  took 
him  in  that  if  you  keep  a  wire  fence  between  Moses 
and  any  mouey  lying  loose,  and  if  you  have  a  rule 
agin  hoss-trading,  and  if  you  don't  allow  shaking 
dice  or  card-playing,  and  if  he  will  keep  sober, 
Moses  will  make  one  of  the  most  tremendous 
bankers  this  country  ever  saw.  —  Wall-street  News. 


Some    Shpirids. 

Dhere  vas  a  spiridual  meetin  der  odder  nite,  und 
Carl  Pretzel  vhent  to  see  himself  aboud  it.  Der 
peobles  vas  all  siddin  der  table  round,  und  vas 
dalking  and  latin  mit  plenty  of  fun  mit  der  shpirids, 
(bottled,  I  dink.) 

Some  vidders  vas  talkin  mit  dheir  dead  Iiub- 
bands,  und  old  mens  vas  talking  mit  der  shpirids 
of  some  young  damsels,  und  dhus  it  moofed  along 
for  a  good  much  vhile. 

Pooty  quick  der  shprid  of  Pretzel's  dead  frow, 
Gretchen,  vas  visible  among  der  shpiridesses  vat 
did  come  on  the  scene,  und  she  did  vant  to  corned 
to  talk  mit  some  tings. 

So  der  shpirid  id  said  : 

"  Ish  dot  mine  husband  vat  vas  ben  3  " 

"  Yah,"  said  Pretzel. 

'■  Veil,  Carl,  vas  you  habby  like  der  dpuse  ?  " 
said  der  shpirid. 

"  Veil,  I  dink  I  vas  '!  "  said  Carl. 

"  Veil,  mine  husband,  wouldn't  you  like  pooty 
veil  come  und  been  mit  me  here  ?  "  said  der 
shpirid. 

"  Not  of  I  know  myself  pooty  veil,  for  I  dink  it 
vas  enuif  plenty  warm  here,  '  said  Carl. 

Der  meedin  broke  out  now  mid  dot. 


Time  to  Get  Up. 
They  have  a  great  deal  of  fun  on  the  coast  of 
Florida,  with  sharks.  A  shark  will  swallow  any- 
thing that  is  thrown  to  him,  like  a  politician. 
People  go  out  on  excursions,  armed  with  small 
alarm  clocks,  about  as  big  as  a  baseball,  and  throw 
them  to  the  sharks  which  sport  about  the  boat 
looking  for  something  to  eat.  The  shark  swallows 
the  alarm  clock,  which  is  set  to  go  off  a  few 
minutes  later.  Pretty  soon  the  alarm  strikes,  and 
as  it  gets  in  its  work,  the  shark  begins  to  flounder 
around,  looking  scared,  trying  to  throw  up  the 
clock,  and  as  he  turns  pale  and  says  his  "  now  I  lay 
me, "  all  the  time  jumping  out  of  the  water  and 
begging  to  be  forgiven,  the  people  on  the  boat 
laugh  until  their  sides  ache.  It  is  rough  on  the 
shark,  at  first,  but  we  understand  some  of  the 
sharks  get  to  like  it,  and  many  have  been  known  to 
flop  out  on  the  shore  and  go  to  a  jewelry  store  and 
ask  for  a  key  to  wind  up  the  clock  that  is  in  them. 
This  last  may  seem  like  a  fish  story,  but  we  got  it 
from  a  witness  in  the  star  route  trial,  and  it  ought 
to  be  true. — Peck's  Sun. 


Distressing  Times. 
"  I  tell  you  the  times  are  mighty  tight  now," 
said  a  loafer,  turning  from  a  lunch  counter,  and 
addressing  an  acquaintance.  "  Business  seems  to 
get  duller  and  duller  every  day.  Why,  sir,  I've 
been  standing  here  for  the  last  half  hour,  and  no- 
body has  asked  me  to  drink,  but  in  1876  it  was 
different.  I  would  have  had  three  drinks  by  this 
time  with  fair  chances  for  the  fourth,  but  it's  differ- 
ent now.  Country's  going  down  every  day,  still 
we  talk  of  American  liberty  and  the  freedom  of  the 
press.  If  things  don't  improve  pretty  soon  I'll 
have  to  go  to  work.  I've  had  a  hard  time  since  my 
wife  died.  Ah,  but  she  was  a  good  woman,"  and  he 
filled  his  mouth  with  Switzer  cheese  and  blew  his 


nose.  "  Been  dead  nearly  four  years.  Long  time 
for  a  man  to  scuttle  for  himself.  -Arkwnsaw 
Tro.relt . . 


A    New    Field    for    the    Newspaper. 

((  Say,  boss."  said  a  colored  man  who  dropped 
into  our  wisdom  factory  this  morning,  "  is  dis  de 
place  whar  dey  makes  newspapers  ?  " 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"  Well,  I'se  heerd  'em  say  dat  when  a  man  puts 
a  nadvertisement  in  de  newspapers  hit  fotcues  him 
what  he  wants. 

"  In  many  instances  it  does,  as  will  be  testified 
by  those  who  have  tried  it." 

'  Wal,  I  wants  ter  sen'  dis  paper  arter  my  cow. 
She  won't  neber  come  up  widout  somebody  goes 
arter  her,  an'  I  hasn't  got  de  time  to  spar'." — (hit. 

A    Retraction. 

An  excited  gentleman,  who  took  exception  to  a 
personal  notice  made  of  him  in  the  paper,  called  at 
the  office  the  other  day  to  demand  a  correction. 
He  said  that  he  did  not  take  any  stock  in  news- 
paper apologies  ;  that  they  were  generally  an 
aggravation  of  the  original  offense,  and  to  guard 
against  any  such  possibility  he  insisted  that  just 
what  he  would  dictate  should  be  printed  in  con- 
tradiction and  precisely  as  he  uttered  it. 

Perhaps  the  gentleman  did  not  consider  that,  as 
he  had  a  very  bad  cold  in  the  head,  his  caution  to 
print  his  remarks  "  precisely  as  he  uttered  them  " 
would  make  his  name  somewhat  ridiculous,  for 
he  was  especially  emphatic  in  saying  that  he  "  did 
dot  wadt  ady  dabd  dodseds  about  it,"  but  having 
agreed  to  his  demand  we  feel  in  honor  bound  to 
abide  by  our  promise,  and  the  following  is  what  he 
said  and  just  as  he  said  it  : 

"  Id  lass  week's  dubber  of  this  dewspaper  aditeb 
appeared  statidg  that  Bister  Johd  Dicolas  spedt 
Sudday  id  Colubbus.  As  this  was  a  dot  it  accord- 
adce  with  the  facts  add  codflicts  with  the  geddle- 
bad's  stadebedt  to  his  fabily  add  friedds  that  he 
was  id  Greed  Towdshib  od  Sudday,  the  conectiod 
is  cheerfully  bade  that  Bister  Dicolas  did  sped 
Sudday  id  Greed  Towdship  add  dod  id  Colubbus, 
as  errodeouBly  doticed." — Gin.  Sat.  Nvjht. 

A    Pair    Exchange. 

"  Arrested  for  carrying  a  pistol,  was  he '.'  "  asked 
a  magistrate  of  an  officer,  referring  to  a  gentlemen 
that  had  just  been  arraigned.  "  Let's  see  the 
pistol."  The  pistol  was  produced  and  handed  to 
the  Judge,  who  examined  it  and  said  : 

"  Where  did  you  get  it  ?  " 

"  Bought  it  at  a  hardware  store.'1 

"  What  did  it  cost?  " 

"  Fifteen  dollars." 

"  Fine  implement.  How'll  you  swap  ?  "  and  the 
Judge  drew  out  a  pistol  and  handed  it  to  the 
prisoner. 

"  Take  ten  dollars  to  boot.  " 

"  All  right.  I  fine  you  ten  dollars.  That  makes 
us  even." 


Renewed  His  Youth. 
An  Iowa  man  read  in  a  medical  journal  that  if 
he  would  fill  his  pipe  one-third  of  salt  and  tamp  the 
tobacco  down  on  it  real  hard,  his  pipe  would  agree 
more  salubriously  with  his  health  and  nervous  sys- 
tem. He  tried  it,  and  in  fifteen  minutes  after  the 
pipe  fell  from  his  ashy  lips  he  was  so  sick  that  he 
slid  through  the  cane  seat  chair  he  was  sitting  on, 
and  when  his  family  tried  to  pick  him  up  he  slid 
through  their  fingers,  and  at  last  they  carried  him 
to  bed  on  a  rubber  blanket,  and  he  went  to  sleep 
with  one  foot  under  his  head  and  the  other  lying 
across  his  chesr,  while  his  arms  were  so  limber, 
they  couldn't  be  kept  in  bed  at  all.  Next  morn- 
ing he  said  he  hadn't  felt  so  boyish  since  he 
smoked  his  first  cigar. — Burlvngton  Matokeye. 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS, 


Since  its  opening  night;  when  Sullivan  and  curiosity 
packed  the  house  until  standi- 3  room  was  an  unfindable 
quantity,,  the  Baldwin  has  ra  ly,  if  ever,  held  so  large  an 
audience  as  the  one  assembh  there  on  Monday  last. 
Lately,  Mojeska  played  inthi  theatre  for  weeks  to  houses 
that  were  empty  above  the  dr.  circle,  and  after  she  left 
the  clever  Wyndham  troupe  n  light  comedies  played 
most  of  the  time  to  a  Corporal  Guard  ;  for  artistic  San 
Francisco  would  have  them  not  The  latter  company,  to 
be  sure,  drew  large  houses  during  the  last  four  nights  of 
its  engagement,  Pink  Zfdminoes,  with  its  dubious  dialogue 
and  erotic  situations.     Tempting  the  popular  appetite  be" 


yond  its  power  of  resistance.  Now,  however,  that  legiti- 
mate tragedy  and  comedy  are  shelved,  their  place  on  the 
stage  being  taken  by  a  "  thrilling  melodrama ",  our 
worthy  public  are  filled  with  enthusiasm  and  pour  their 
skekels  ungrudgingly  into  the  managerial  pockets.  Their 
excuse  lies  in  the  fact  that  The  Black  Flag  is  a  good  speci- 
men of  its  class  and  that  it  is  excellently  well  presented, 
for  although  it  is  true  that  the  plot  is  stale,  that  many  of 
the  situations  are  impossible,  and  that  the  dialogue  is 
generally  weak,  at  times  almost  drivelling,  yet  the  per- 
formance as  a  whole  is  certainly  enjoyable.  In  the  nr*t 
place,  the  actors  have  been  carefully  drilled  and,  without 
exception,  play  their  parts  well,  and  the  scenery  is  hand- 
some, though  somewhat  the  worse  for  wear  ;  then  there  is 
a  goi.d  deal  of  clever  character  acting  in  the  piece  and 
much  low  comedy  that  is  intensely  funny.  The  "  Sim 
Lazarus  "  of  Mr.  Russel  Bassett  deserves  especial  men- 
tion, for  it  is  not  only  the  happiest  character  in  the  play 
but  is  also  the  most  ludicrous  Jewish  caricature  at  present 
on  the  stage.  The  Baldwin  seems  to  have  secured  a  new 
lease  of  popularity,  and  as  people  only  go  to  the  theatre 
to  be  amused  there  is  no  good  reason  to  carp  at  then- 
flocking  to  see  The  Black  Flag,  for  while  the  gallery  gods 
applaud  to  the  echo  its  goody-goody  sentiment,  the  gen- 
teeler  below-stairs  folk  laugh  till  their  sides  ache  at  its 
absurd  humor. 

Madame  Janauschek's  wisest  action  would  be  to  leave 
that  stage  which  she  no  longor  adorns.  Having  already 
the  wherewithal  to  live  upon,  she  has  no  excuse  for  this 
greedy  clutching  after  an  extra  dollar  which  can  only  be 
obtained  at  the  cost  of  her  reputation  as  a  great  actress  ; 
for  while  evidences  of  dramatic  art  still  linger  in  her 
tones  and  gestures  they  are  at  best  mere  reminiscences  of 
her  former  strength,  to  which  they  stand  in  painful  con- 
trast. She  must  herself  recognize  the  fact  that  her  powers 
have  grown  weaker,  for  she  strives  to  hide  the  defects 
that  age  has  ripened,  by  engaging  for  her  support  a  lot  of 
incompetents,  compared  with  any  of  whom  she  can  still 
appear  as  a  star  of  the  first  magnitude,  and  by  attempting 
melo  dramatic  r6les  the  playing  of  which  she  would  have 
scorned  in  her  better  days.  Even  her  best  friends  are 
forced  to  acknowledge  that  her  performances  at  the 
California  during  the  last  two  weeks  have  been  a  disap- 
pointment to  all  who  knew  her  as  she  once  was,  and  even 
they  agree  that  she  should  retire  into  private  life,  content 
with  the  laurels  plucked  in  times  past  from  the  tree  of 
popular  favor. 

As  Emerson  and  Reed's  sham  darkies  have  drawn 
crowded  houses  to  the  Bush  street  during  the  week,  it  is 
certain  that  the  public  verdict  has  been  favorable  tothenew 
troupe.  The  company  is  exceedingly  good  of  its  kind, 
and  gives  a  performance  that  is  far  above  the  burnt-cork 
average. 

Fatiaitza  having  run  a  successful  course  at  the  Tivoli, 
will  be  replaced  on  Monday  next  by  Fra  Diavoh,  In  the 
preparation  of  which  opera  the  management  has  taken 
unusual  care. 

The  theatrical  event  of  next  week  will  be  the  produc- 
tion of  The  Silver  King,  in  which  will  appear  Rose  Cogh- 
lan,  Osmond  Tearle,  Harry  Edwards,  and  other  well 
known  members  of  tin?  Wallack  Company.  Bak. 

The  "  Figaro  Spanish  Students  "  are  giving  a  series  of 
concerts  at  Piatt's  Hall,  their  last  appearance  being  ad- 
vertised for  this  evening.  They  are  brilliant  performers, 
and  there  is  something  so  quaint  and  fascinating  about 
the  twanging  of  their  mandolins  that  each  number  on  the 
programme  is  greeted  with  hearty  and  long  continued 
applause.  The  vocal  portion  of  the  entertainment  is  de- 
plorably weak,  but  the  instrumental  is  so  clever  that  no 
lover  of  good  music  should  miss  the  opportunity  to  hear 
these  wandering  minstrels. 


EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ. 

The  South  Pacific  Coast  Railroad  Sunday  Excursions 
leave  the  Alameda  Ferry  every  Sunday  morning  for  the 
Big  Trees  and  Santa  Cruz.  This  is  a  most  delightful 
trip,  and  only  S3  fare  to  go  and  return,  giving  ample  time 
for  bathing,  visiting  the  beautiful  city  of  Santa  Cruz,  and 
for  a  stop  at  the  Big  Trees.  The  scenery  in  the  Santa 
Cruz  Mountains  is  exceedingly  beautiful. 


%.*  *'  The  best  advice  may  come  too  late."  Said  a  suf- 
ferer from  Kidney  troubles,  when  asked  to  try  Kidney- 
Wort,  "  I'll  try  it,  but  it  will  be  my  last  dose."  The  man 
got  well  and  is  now  recommending-  the  remedy  to  all  suf- 
ferers. In  this  case  good  advice  came  just  in  time  to  save 
the  man. 

The  digestive  organs,  weakened  and  worn  out  by  using 
cathartic  medicines,  restored  by  using  Brown's  Iron  Bit- 
ters. 


12 


THE    WASP. 


THE  "SLEUTH-HOUND.1 


A  Story  of  a  Robbery  and  a  Skilful  Detective's  Diagnosis. 

About  two  years  ago  Mr.  Azariah  Boody,  of  New- 
ark, N.  J.,  an  enormously  rich,  retired  plumber, 
on  returning  from  Rome,  where  lie  had  been  to 
select  a  really  good  cash  article  of  title  for  him- 
self, was  astonished  to  hnd  the  front  door  of  his 
splendid  residence  standing  open,  although  he  had 
closed  it  securely  upon  his  departure.  Proceeding 
further,  he  at  onca  perceived  by  the  empty  wine- 
bottles  and  costly  viands  sea' tered  over  the  mag- 
nificent satin  furniture  that  the  house  had  been 
burglarized  in  his  absence.  (It  seems  strange  that 
burglars  should  always  scatter  costly  viands  about 
when  they  rob  a  place,  but  according  to  the  papers 
they  will  do  it).  A  ponderous  hair-trunk,  in  which 
he  kept  his  valuables,  had  been  opened,  and  a 
million-dollar  package  of  four  per  cents  removed. 
It  was  impossible  to  tell  exactly  when  the  robbery 
occurred,  but  the  excited  millionaire  at  once  started 
for  the  office  of  the  "Prefect  of  Police,"  as  they 
say  in  all  the  French  plays. 

On  the  steps  of  the  office  he  encountered  a  keen- 
looking  man,  with  the  eagle  nose  and  hawk-eye 
peculiar  to  detectives,  who  inquired  if  he  wished  to 
see  the  chief. 

"Immediately,"  said  the  millionaire. 

"He  is  in  New  York,"  replied  the  man  on  the 
steps,  "but  if  it  is  anything  of  importance  I  will 
attend  to  it  in  his  place. " 

"  I  have  been  robbed,"  said  the  victim. 

"I  knew  it,"  said  the  police  attache,  with  the 
true  promptness  of  the  profession.  "  Let  us  at 
once  to  the  spot. " 

The  plumber  led  the  way  to  the  house. 

"  I  trust  nothing  has  been  moved  since  the  crime 
was  discovered,"  said  the  detective  as  they  entered 
the  house. 

"Absolutely  nothing,"  said  the  old  gentleman, 
who  had  read  Gaboriau's  "  M.  Lecocq  "  four  times. 

"Because,"  said  the  detective,  "much  depends 
on  a  careful  study  of  the  surroundings,"  and  he 
began  his  investigations  by  measuring  a  square 
inch  of  the  dust-covered  lid  of  the  trunk.  He 
then  produced  a  small  pair  of  scales,  and  scraping 
off  the  inch  of  dust  referred  to,  carefully  weighed 
the  same. 

"Let  me  see,"  he  muttered,  making  a  calcula- 
tion :  ' '  dust  settles  at  the  rate  of  48-1000  of  an 
inch  per  hour.  It  is  therefore  certain  that  the 
burglary  was  committed  last  Thursday  at  1:15  a.m." 

"  Dear  me,"  said  the  old  gentleman,  "how  won- 
derful !" 

The  detective  now  approached  the  remains  of 
the  robbers'  repast.  "  There  were  three  robbers," 
he  said. 

"Yes,  but  here  are  four  glasses  used,"  exclaimed 
the  old  gentleman. 

' '  The  fourth  was  merely  used  to  pour  the  corky 
t-ip  of  the  bottles  into,"  explained  the  detective, 
who  gave  his  name  as  Kickshaw. 

"  One  of  them  was  a  powerful  man  of  advanced 
age.  See,  this  bitten  cracker  wears  the  marks  of 
six  decayed  teeth.  The  second  was  a  dandy  with 
a  long  mustache,  for  you  can  perceive  here  he  has 
repeatedly  wiped  it  on  this  napkin.  The  third  was 
unmistakably  a  woman."' 

"  A  woman  !"  gasped  the  house-owner, 

"  Precisely.  You  see  she  has  eaten  nothing  save 
pickles  and  the  icing  from  this  cake.  In  her  nerv- 
ousness she  has  upset  the  salt  and  spilled  her  wine 
on  the  cloth.     It  was  her  th-st  affair  of  the  kind." 

"  Yes— I  see,"  said  old  Boody,  much  interested. 

"  And  a  pretty  woman  as  well,"  went  on  the 
detective.  "  You  see  she  has  brushed  the  dust 
from  every  mirror  in  the  house  to  look  at  herself. 
Next  we  find  that  they  divided  the  plunder  on  the 
spot.  Look !  are  not  those  broken  tapes  the  ones 
with  which  your  bond  package  was  tied?" 

"They  are." 

"During  the  division  they  quarrelled." 

"  But  how  do  you  know  that  ?  "  said  Boody. 

"  By  this  overturned  chair.  Besides,  the  piano 
is  open,  and  marks  of  fingers  are  on  the  bass  keys. 
Women  always  sit  down  and  thump  on  that  end  of 
the  plane  when  angry." 

"  Even  when  burgling  i  "  said  the  old  party. 

"At  all  times,"  replied  Kickshaw;  "it  makes 
uo  difference  whatever.    The  woman  had  red  hair. " 

"Had,  eh?" 

"  Yes  ;  she  threw  that  book  in  the  corner  at  the 
old  man,  and  made  his  nose  bleed.  See  this  towel 
stained  with  blood  !  No  one  but  a  red-haired 
woman  would  have  done  that." 

"  How  do  you  know  it  was  the  old  man's  nose  (" 


"  Because,"  replied  the  detective,  using  a  micro- 
scope, ' '  the  blood  globules  are  those  of  an  elderly 
man." 

"I  suppose  they  did  not  remain  hereabouts 
long  ?  "  queried  the  plumber. 

"  No  ;  they  left  the  next  morning  for  Chicago." 

"  Great  heavens  I  what  do  you  mean  1 "  said  the 
old  party  ;  "are  you  a  magician ?  " 

"It  is  very  simple,"  said  the  human  "sleuth- 
hound." 

"  On  this  scrumpled  scrap  of  paper  you  will  see 
some  figures.  Of  course  the  thieves  could  not  re- 
alize on  the  bonds  at  once.  They  there  made  a 
computation  to  discover  just  how  far  their  im- 
mediate cash  would  take  them.  Chicago  was  the 
result,  as  the  total  arrived  at  is  the  fare  to  that 
city  multiplied  by  three." 

"I  see — I  see,"  said  the  plumber. 

"I  start  for  Chicago  on  the  next  train,"  con- 
tinued the  thief-taker.  "Let  me  see,  perhaps  you 
had  better  let  me  have  $500  for  expenses. " 

The  other  instantly  passed  over  the  amount. 

"Remember,"  said  the  detective,  as  he  departed, 
"  not  a  wor  1  of  what  we  have  discovered.  Keep 
perfectly  quiet  until  you  hear  from  me. " 

And  to  this  day  the  defrauded  plumber  is  sitting 
on  his  front  steps  waiting  for  news  from  the  de- 
tective, who  was  nothing  more  than  the  robber 
himself.  — Chicago  Tribune. 


STANFORD'S    UNABRIDGED. 


Anti-monopolist — A  scheming  politician,  or  a 
thick-headed  person  cursed  with  an  excitable 
temperament. 

Communist — A  person  who  objects  to  being 
robbed  by  the  railroad  company. 

The  unreasoning  press — That  portion  of  the  press 
which  is  foolish  enough  to  rely  upon  the  support  of 
the  public  rather  than  upon  subsidies  from  the 
railroad  company. 

A  crank — A  man  with  convictions  and  the  cour- 
age to  speak  them. 

Freight  schedule — A  production  of  the  human 
mind  enlightened  by  revelation,  that  no  one  not  in 
the  employ  of  a  railroad  company  can  pretend  to 
comprehend  without  being  guilty  of  the  sin 
sacrilegious  presumption. 

A  model  official — One  who  breaks  his  pledges  to 
the  people  and  sells  himself  to  Stanford  &  Co. 

The  people — A  mob  of  ignorant  slaves  created  to 
be  robbed  and  insulted  with  impunity. 

The  immutable  law  of  trade — The  law  that 
wherever  Stanford  &  Co.,  see  a  dollar  they  are 
bound  to  have  it,  no  matter  to  whom  it  belongs. 

Competitive  point — A  point  at  which  robbery 
cannot  be  committed  by  the  railroad  company. 

Non-competitive  point — A  point  at  which  the 
people  should  not  complain  at  being  robbed,  as 
they  can't  help  themselves. 

The  dangerous  classes — Those  which  show  an 
inclination  to  contest  Sanford  A  Co.'s  right  to 
despoil  them  of  their  property. 

The  intelligent  classes — Merchants  and  others 
who  are  not  hostile  to  the  monopoly,  because  it 
gives  them  special  privileges. 

Workingman — A  beast  of  burden  with  a  human 
body. — Stockton  Herald. 


A  country  newspaper  reporter  says  he  visited 
A'assar  College  for  the  purpose  of  getting  the  views 
of  the  young  ladies  on  the  tariff  question.  To  the 
very  first  one  whom  he  encountered,  he  opened  the 
subject  without  any  circumlocution,  by  remarking: 
"  I  suppose  you  girls  go  in  for  protection  ?  "  "  We 
did,"  she  said,  with  a  low,  sweet  gurgle,  "  but  if 
they're  going  to  increase  the  tax  on  chewiug  gum, 
we're  all  free  traders. "  The  reporter  remarked 
there  was  a  fine  chance  to  dig  all  the  gum  the  girls 
could  carry  if  they  go  up  in  Yermont — free,  too.  A 
vote  was  taken  that  Vassar  would  go  to  Stratton, 
Yt. ,  during  vacation.  —  Yonkws  Gazette. 


"I  want'er  pound  o' black  tea,"  said  Witherspoon 
to  Deacon  Gilpin. 

"  I  thought  your  folks  used  Jap  tea,"  suggested 
the  Deacon. 

"  We  did  ;  but  you  see  my  wife's  sister,  out  in 
Tujanua,  is  dead,  and  6he's  wearing  niourniu',  and 
she  thought  it'd  be  more  appropriate  like  to  use 
black  tea  for  awhile  now. " — Man/thou  Independant. 


A  teacher  in  the  Chinese  Sunday  school  was  re- 
lating to  one  of  his  pupils  the  story  of  Job,  when 
the  heathen  suddenly  exclaimed  :  ' '  Bile  no  good  : 
Job  muchee  git  well.     Me  see  his  name  on  wagons. " 


The  Secret 


of  the  universal  success  of 
Brown's  Iron  Bitters  is  sim- 
ply this :  It  is  the  best  Iron 
preparation  ever  made ;  is 
compounded  on  thoroughly 
scientific,  chemical  and 
medicinal  principles,  and 
does  j  ust  what  is  claimed  for 
it — no  more  and  no  less. 

By  thorough  and  rapid 
assimilation  with  the  blood, 
it  reaches  every  part  of  the 
system,  healing,  purifying 
and  strengthening.  Com- 
mencing at  the  foundation 
it  builds  up  and  restores  lost 
health — in  no  other  way  can 
lasting  benefit  be  obtained. 


7<,  Dearborn  Ave.,  Chicago,  Nov.  7. 
i  have  been  a  great  sufferer  iron? 
averyweakstomach,  heartburn,  and 
dyspepsia  in  its  worstform.  Nearly 
everything  I  ate  gave  me  distress, 
and  1  could  eat  but  little.  1  have 
tried  everythingrccommended,  have 
taken  the  prescriptions  of  a  dozen 
physicians,  but  got  no  relief  until  1 
took  Brown's  Iron  Bitters,  t  feci 
none  of  the  old  troubles,  ana  am  3 
new  man.  I  am  getting  much 
stronger,  and  feel  first-rate.  1  am 
a  railroad  engineer,  and  now  make 
my  trips  regularly.  I  can  not  say 
too  much  in  praise  of  your  wonder- 
ful medicine.  D.  C.  Mack. 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
does  not  contain  whiskey 
or  alcohol,  and  will  not 
blacken  the  teeth,  or  cause 
headache  and  constipation. 
It  will  cure  dyspepsia,  indi- 
gestion, heartburn,  sleep- 
lessness, dizziness,  nervous 
debility,  weakness,  &c. 


Use  only  Brown's  Iron  Bitters  made  by 
Brown  Chemical  Co. ,  Baltimore.  Crossed 
red  lines  and  trade-mark  on  wrapper. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


FOR  THE  PERMANENT  CURE  OF 
CONSTIPATION. 


No  other  disease  is  so  prevalent  in  this  conn 
try  as  Constipation,  and  no  remedy  has  ever 
equalled  the  celebrated  Kidney-Wort  as  a 
cure.  Whatever  the  cause,  however  obstinate 
the  case,  this  remedy  will  overcome  it. 
THIS  distressing  e< 
■  plaint  is  very  apt  to 
complicated  with  constipation.  Kidney- Wort 
strengthens  the  weakened  parts  and  quickly 
cures  all  kinds  of  Piles  even  when  physicians 
and  medicines  have  before  failed. 

rIf  you  have  either  of  these  troubles 


Drueeists  Sell 


PRICE  $1. 1  USE 


KIDNEY-WORT 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY- 

l-i  t.  coruin  ciira  for  NJtKVOUB  DKKIL1TV, 
LOST  MANHOTtD,  nod  all  Hit.  evil  effects  o[ 
juuttiful  follies  aod  oxccuHes. 

UK.  HUM  IK.  who  is  :i  repul.ir  physician, 
graduate  of  the  Uuiversitr  ol  Penosrtvania, 
will  agree  lo  forfeit  Five  Hundred  Dollars  for 
acaseofthekind  the  VITAL  ULSTOIUTITH 
(under  hla  special  advice  and  treatment)  will 
□ot  cure.  Price,  S3  a  bottle;  four  times  th« 
quantity,  $10.  Sent  to  anv  address,  confi- 
dentially, bv  A.  K.  MINTIK.  M.  0.,  No.  il 
Kearrn-  Street.  P.  P.     Slt.i1  f.>r  pnraphlet. 

SAJll-LE  tit'TlLi:  ffKEE  will  be  aent  W 
auy  one  apply  leg  Ijj  letter  stating  svnrptoflis, 
sex  ."  11  h  age.  Strict  lecreoy  in  -n  trace  action*. 


THE    WASP. 


IS 


DISCOMFORTABLE     EUROPE, 


We  have  noticed  lately,  more  in  sorrow  than  in 
anger  and  more  in  pity  than  either,  that  the  papers 
are  growing  highly  disgusted  with  the  fact  that 
every  year  shows  an  increase  in  the  number  of 
wealthy  and  intelligent  Americans  who  spend  all 
the  time  and  money  they  can  possibly  spare  in 
"doing  Europe."  This  year  the  exoduB  eastward 
is  greater  than  ever  before,  and  the  notables  tak- 
ing part  in  it  are  so  numerous  that  there  is  danger 
of  nobody  but  paupers,  crimnals  and  editors  being 
left  in  the  country.  Consequently  the  howl  raised 
bv  the  last-mentioned  class  is  nearly  deafening. 
"  Why,"  they  shriek,  "do  these  recreant  citizens 
leave  this  free  and  glorious  country,  with  its  mam- 
moth cities,  mastodon  scenery,  gerlorious  climate, 
free  institutions  and  cyclonic  essence  of  supernal 
elephantiasis  for  the  effete  and  crumbling  despot- 
isms of  the  Old  World,  and,  above  all,  for  the  dis- 
comforts of  Europe  I  "  We  italicize  the  last  words 
because,  while  we  quote  the  rest  of  the  sentence 
from  memory,  they  form  the  actual  expression  of 
half  a  score  of  papers  which  we  have  seen.  The 
discomforts  of  Europe  !  Yes,  we  suppose  there  are 
lots  of  people  living  in  Alameda,  Sausaluma,  Peta- 
lito  and  other  great  social  and  commercial  centres 
around  the  Bay,  who  imagine  that  outside  of  Cali- 
fornia the  world  is  a  desert  waste  and  that  San 
Francisco  is  the  sole  embodiment  of  all  that  is  civ- 
ilized and  luxurious.  And  so,  also,  we  suppose 
that  there  are  people  ail  over  the  Union  who  firmly 
believe  that  there  is  no  comfort  out  of  it.  We 
don't  blame  them.  Indeed,  where  ignorance  is 
bliss — wnd  so  welter.  But  the  journalist  apes  who 
echo  this  doleful  wail  from  one  to  another  ought  to 
know  better.  They  ought  to  know  that  our  art, 
our  culture,  those  of  our  manners  which  are  toler- 
able, all  that  we  have  that  is  worth  having,  outside 
of  our  money-chests,  is  imported  from  the  Old 
World,  and  that  the  travelers  are,  and  always  have 
been,  the  importers. 


THE     BETTER    WORLD. 


Ranavalomanja  spends  half  an  hour  every  morn- 
ing praying,  reading  the  bible  and  cursing  the 
French.      Ranav,  etc.,  is  the  Queen  of  Madagascar. 

When  the  morning  stars  sang  together  a  San 
Francisco  audience  would  have  demanded  an 
encore. 


"  Does  a  clergyman  ever  swear  /  "  asks  a  religi- 
ous weekly.  No — he  prays  for  the  object  of  his 
hate.     That's  his  way  of  swearing,  though. 


"Christianity  is  the  leading  religion  in  these 
islands,"  said  the  skipper  of  the  ship  when  he  saw 
the  missionary  pursued  by  a  thousand  hungry 
Fejee  savages. 


"  Of  course,"  said  Mrs.  Rubric,  "  our  rector 
conducts  the  services  in  English  ;  but  then  it  is 
just  as  grand  and  inspiring  as  Latin  ;  you  can't 
understand  a  word  he  says,  you  know." 


The  rich  man  can't  hope  to  go  to  heaven,  but  we 
would  like  to  change  places  with  him.  He  can  go 
pretty  much  everywhere  else. 

"  Oh  mother,  I  know  it  is  all  true,  what  the 
cathecism  said  about  Adam's  being  made  out  of  the 
dust  of  the  earth — I  know  it  is  !  "  "  Why  ?  " 
"  Because  I  saw  Aunt  Emma  whip  Gracie,  and  I 
saw  the  dust  fly  out  of  her." 


The  President  of  the  Soung  Men's  Christian 
Association  of  Great  Britain  is  the  Earl  of  Shaftes- 
bury, who  is  eighty-two  years  old.  Thi9  Christian 
young  man  is  bald,  too. 

The  business  of  running  a  religious  weekly  is 
less  profitable  than  it  used  to  be.  The  editors 
have  recommended  so  many  swindling  schemes  that 
their  bankrupted  readers  are  now  too  poor  to  take 
a  religious  newspaper  and  pay  for  it. 


"  Jas.  G.  Divoll,  the  Tuolumne  capitalist,"  says 
a  contemporary,  "  has  a  large  number  of  California 
scenes  painted  on  canvass  and  arranged  in  a  series 
of  panoramic  views."  His  paintings  may  be  very 
good,  but  he  has  the  oddest  way  of  spelling  his  last 
name  that  has  yet  been  invented. 


PACIFIC  BUSINESS  COLLEGE. 

One  of  the  oldest  and  best  Schools  for  young  men  to 
obtain  a  pood  business  education  is  that  estanUBhed  by 
Professors  Chamberlain  and  Robinson,  No.  320  Post 
Areet.  Over  two  thousand  young  men  are  now  holding 
lucrative  positions  in  this  city  and  on  the  Pacific  Coast 
who  have  attained  a  quick  and  liberal  education  at  this 
institution  of  learning.  The  terms  for  Life  Scholarship 
and  full  Business  Course  is  only  $70.  HeadB  of  families 
should  take  note  of  this. 


! 


No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L..  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Schroder  .V  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street. 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  ana 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


GRAND  MASQUEBADE. 

Messrs.  Goldstein  &  Cohn  have  made  great  preparations 
for  their  Grand  Mask  Ball,  which  will  take  place  at  the 
Pavilion  July  3d.  Seventy  Prizes  are  to  be  given.  See 
advertisement  in  to-day's  Wasp. 


WELLS'  "  ROUGH  ON  CORNS." 

Ask  for  Wells'  "  Rough  on  Corns."    15c.    Quick,  com- 
plete, permanent  cure.    Corns,  Warts,  Bunions. 


BROOKLYN  BRIDGE  AND  MAYOR  BEATTY  ; 
or,  Great  Public  Enterprises  and  Self-made  Men. 
On  the  3d  of  January,  1870,  the  work  of  preparing  for 
the  foundation  of  the  towers  of  the  now  famous  Brooklyn 
Bridge  was  begun.  On  April  1,  1870,  Daniel  F.  Beatty 
left  his  father's  home  in  Hunterdon  County,  New  Jersey, 
penniless.  To-day  he  owns  the  largest  Reed  Organ  Works 
in  existence,  and  is  doing  a  business  of  several  millions  of 
dollars  annually.  Credit  is  due  to  those  who  managed  the 
great  Bridge  :  the  same  may  be  said  in  reference  to  Mayor 
Beatty,  of  Washington,  New  Jersey,  who  now  is  shipping 
an  organ  every  ten  minutes. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,188  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883. )  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

CATAHRH  OF  THE  BLADDER. 

Stinging,  irritation,  inflammation,  all  Kidney  and  Urin- 
ary complaints,  cured  by  "  Buchu-paiba."      SI. 


32T  Fast,  brilliant  and  fashionable  are  the  Diamond 
Dye  colors.  One  package  colors  1  to  4  lbs.  of  goods.  10 
cents  for  any  color. 

ROEDERER  CHAMPAGNE. 

Messrs.  Macondray  &  Co.,  sole  agents  for  the  Pacific 
Coast,  receive  regular  invoices  of  this  celebrated  Wine 
direct  from  Mr.  Louis  Roederer,  Reims,  over  his  signa- 
ture and  consular  invoice. 


BURNHAM'S    ABIETENE. 

No  compound  but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar 
land  of  fir.  Cures  Rheumatism,  Neuralgia,  etc.  A 
specific  for  Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 


BACH,  MEESE  &  CO. 

This  popular  and  reliable  firm,  wholesale  dealers  and 
importers  of  choice  Wines  and  Liquors,  321  Montgomery 
street,  have  just  received  large  invoices  of  Old  Kentucky 
"AA,"  "BB"  and  "  CC "  Whiskies.  Dealers  should 
pay  them  a  visit. 

*  Ladies,  if  you  would  be  forever  redeemed  from  the 
physical  disabilities  that,  in  thousands  of  cases,  depress 
the  Bpirits  and  absolutely  fetter  all  the  energies  of  woman- 
hood, you  have  only  to  get  Lydia  E.  Pinkham's  Vegeta- 
ble Compound. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Kbeuno  Bbob Proprietors  and  Managers 

Second  week  and  unbounded  auccess  of  Suppe's 
Comic  Opera,  in  three  acta, 

FATimTZAI 

Elegant  Costumes,  enlarged  Chorus  and  Orchestra  and 
a  powerful  cast. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Bush  Street  Theater. 

M.  B.  LEAVITT Lessee  and  Hunger 

AL.  Hay.man Anoclsto  Ufcnager 

Wli.   Emerson Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

MONDAY.     -     ~~  -   JUNE  18th, 

I  GRAND     OPENING      <>F 

EMERSON'S    NEW    MINSTREL 
COMPANY. 

The  greatest  organization  in  tha  world. 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Family  Circle 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cent* 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve  seats.     Box  Sheet  now  open. 

GOLDSTEIN    &  COHEN'S 


Grand  Masqerade  Ball 

mechanics'Vavilion, 
July  3cU  1883. 

70     PRIZES     TO     BE     COMPETED     FOR. 

Twenty  Prizes  for  Handsomest  Dressed  Characters. 

Twenty  Prizes  for  Best  Sustained  Characters. 

Twenty  Prizes  for  >£ost  Original  Characters. 

Nine  Special  Prizes  and  one  Grand  Special  Ladies* 
Prize,  for  spectator  or  masker,  consisting  of  one  Grand 
Cabinet,  latest  style,  Antisel  Piano,  value  $750,  for  the 
luckiest  lady. 

All  the  prizes  are  displayed  in  the  windows  of  GOLD- 
STEIN &  COHN'S  Leading  Hair  Store,  822  Market 
street. 

Prices    of    Admission  : 

Floor  Tickets $1    Spectator's  Tickets, . .  50c. 

Reserved  Seats, 50c.  extra. 


'76. 
July  4th. 


'83. 
•July  4th. 


Grand  Prize  Bal  Masque 


BE   OIVEN    BV   THE 


ORSGINAL^  HORRIBLES 

MECHANICS'    PAVILION. 

J-TJX^^r_  4  TEC. 

.SI  ".no   Worth    of  Prizes    10    be    Competed    For. 

l'rizes   on  Exhibition  at  the  Jewelry  Store  of  J.  W. 
TUCKEK,  corner  Geary  and  Kearny  streets. 


July  4th. 


July  4th. 


July  4th. 

Floor  Tickets, One  DoUar. 

Spectators Fifty   Cents. 


14 


THE    WASP. 


SCIENCE    NOTE*. 


Mr.  Flinders  Petrie  is  about  to  publish  a  work 
on  the  Great  Pyramid.  In  this  he  does  not  actually 
affirm,  but  incidently  proves,  that  Professor  Piazzi 
Smyth's  hypotheses  are  entirely  at  variance  with 
his  own  !  We  are  suspicious  of  his  name,  however: 
it  rather  too  obviously  suggests  a  bu'sted  bowlder. 


The  Suez  Canal  being  denied  by  the  stations  on 
its  banks,  and  having  neither  current  nor  tides,  is 
beginning  to  smell  audibly,  and  Captain  Eads  is 
encouraged  to  hope  that  he  will  be  able  to  lay  a 
ship  railroad  on  its  surface,  it  is  ao  "  thick  and 
slab. " 


Colorado  topazes  are  now  ascertained  to  be 
nothing  but  "smoked  quartz."  Still,  the  business 
of  smoking  them  must  be  a  profitable  industry, 
and  it  shows  a  commendable  progress  in  developing 
the  resources  of  the  infant  state. 


H  U      CELEBRATED  *  H^ 


&ITTERS 


Hostetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters meets  the  requirements 
of  the  rational  medical  phi  * 
losophy  which  at  present 
prevails.  It  is  a  perfectly 
pure  vegetable  remedy,  em- 
bracing the  three  important 
properties  of  a  preventive, 
a  tonic  and  an  alterative.  It 
fortifies  the  body  against 
disease,  invigorates  and  re- 
vitalizes the  torpid  stomach 
and  liver,  and  effects  a  salu- 
tary change  in  the  entire 
system. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


Celluloid,  is  a  combination  of  camphor  and  pyrox- 
yline — ten  cents'  worth  of  sulphur  to  a  handful  of 
pyroxyline.  Mix  and  set  in  a  cool  place  till  wanted. 
Serve  hot. 


Berlin  buys  5,000,000  beer  glasses  annually  to 
replace  those  worn  out  in  the  service  of  their 
country. 


The  California  Academy  of  Sciences  has  been 
presented  by  the  reigning  Akhoond  of  Swat  with 
the  head  of  a  Swatese  marchioness,  preserved  in 
mud.  The  features  are  said  to  resemble  those  of 
the  common  Negress — Dinah  horrida.  It  will  be 
Chairman  at  the  next  meeting  of  the  Academy. 


REMOVAL. 


The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
has  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  Btreets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

SUBSCRIBERS 

"Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP"  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


CONSUMPTION— Can   it  be  Cured  ? 

We  unhesitatingly  say  it  has  been  and  Is  being 
cured  every  day  by  the  use  of 

ALLEN'S   LUNG    BALSAM. 

HOW  IT   IS  CAUSED. 

This  foe  to  mankind  is  known  in  every  clime,  and  may 
result  from  unwholesome  food,  improper  dressing,  lack  of 
exercise,  neglecting  a  cold.  The  cough  becomes  dry  and 
hard,  and,  if  neglected,  tubercles  will  form  on  the  lungs. 
Something  must  be  done  to  arrest  this  decay.  Begin  at 
once.    Don't  trifle  with  yourself. 

HOW  IT  IS  CURED. 

Read  what  those  who  have  been  cured  have  to  say, 
which  ought  to  be  the  most  convincing  proof  of  the  merits 
of  a  valuable  remedy  : 

Jeremiah  Wright,  of  Marion  County,  W.  Va. ,  writes 
us  that  his  wife  had  Pulmonary  Consumption,  and  was 
pronounced  incurable  by  their  physician,  when  the  use 
of  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  entirely  cured  her.  He  writes 
that  he  and  his  neighbors  think  it  the  best  medicine  in  the 
world. 

Wm,  C  Digues,  merchant  of  Bowling  Green,  Va., 
writes,  April  4th,  1881,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  has  cured  his  Mother  of  Consumption, 
after  the  physician  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He 
says  others  knowing  her  case  have  taken  the  Balsam  and 
been  cured.  He  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a 
trial. 

Dr.  Merrdith,  Dentist,  of  Cincinnati,  was  thought  to 
be  in  the  last  Stages  of  Consumption,  and  was  induced 
by  his  friends  to  try  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  after  the  for- 
mula was  shown  him.  We  have  his  letter  that  it  at  once 
cured  his  cough  and  that  he  was  able  to  resume  his  prac- 
tice. 

Wm.  A.  Graham  &  Co.,  Wholesa'e  Druggists,  Zanes- 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  of  Mathias  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bron- 
chitis in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung 
Balsam  cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others,  of  Bronchitis. 

Recommended  by  Physicians,  Ministers  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  It 
Never  Fails  to  Bring  Relief. 


Call  for  Allen's  Lun     Balsam,  and  shun  the  use  of  all 
remedies  without  meri    and  an   established  reputation. 

AS  AN  IXriCIORANT  IT  HAS  NC  EQUAL  ! 

SOLD  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 


(c 


NERVE 


A  SPECIFIC  FOR 

Epilepsy, 
Spasms,  Convul- 
sions, Falling 
Sickness, S-  Vitus 
Dance,  Alcolvol- 
ism,  Opium  Eat- 

Scrofula,     Kings 
Evil,  Ugly  Blood 
Diseases,  Dyspej>- 
Nervousness, 
Sick    Headache, 
'Rheumatism, 
Nervous  Weakness,  Brain  Worry,  Slood  Sores, 
Biliousness,  Costiveness,  Nervous  Prostration, 
Kidney  Troubles  and  Irregularities.    $1.50. 
Sample  Testimonials. 
"Samaritan  Nervine  is  doinc  wonder?. 

Dr.  J.  O.  MrLemoin,  Alexander  City,  Ala. 
"I  feel  it  my  duty  to  recommend  it." 

Dr.  D.  F.  Langhlin.  Clyde,  Kansas. 
"Itcured where  physicians  failed. '' 

Rev.  J.  A.  Edie,  Beaver,  Pa. 

JJST  Correspondence  freely  answered.  ~£» 

The  Dr.  S.  A.  Richmond  Med.  Co.,  St.  Joseph,  Mo._ 

For  testimonials  and  circulars  send  Btamp.    <™> 

At  Druggists.    C.  N.  Crittenton,  Agent,  N.  Y. 


"ORIGINAL  HORRIBLES." 

Dave  Levy,  the  jeweler,  351  Third  street,  is  noted  for 
{jetting  up  the  best  display  for  Balls,  Parties,  etc.  This 
time  he  is  manager  of  the  "  Grand  Prize  Bal  Masque  to 
be  given  at  the  Pavilion  July  4th  by  the  Original  Horri- 
bles.    See  his  advertisement  in  another  column. 

When  opiates  fail,  then  trj;  Samaritan  Nervine.  It's  a 
certain  cure  for  all  nervous  ailments. 

Major  H.  W.  Hines,  Boston,  writes:  '■Samaritan 
Nervine  cured  me  of  tits."    S1.50,  Druggist. 


THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 
This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and^the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen— take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  and  courteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
SI  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 

GENUINE    LAGER    BIER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Brewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  beBt  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  S%~  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


OlNlQlUlElRlOlRJ 


Are  you  troubled  with  such  symntoms  of  dyspepsia  as 
belching,  tasting  of  the  food,  heart-burn,  etc.  ?  Brown's 
Iron  Bitters  will  cure  you. 


•  SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  Tevtilu- 
tion  in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  create  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
for  $5. 


TEN  SETS  REEDS 

Fine  Walnut  Case. 

HeUtht,  751na 
Depth,  46  ins. 
Width,  24  ins, 


BUlIl'SSiORUiS 


If  you  are  about  to  buy 
a  PAKLOR  OBGAN, 
purchase  the  latest  reson- 
ant walnut  Case,  Beatty** 
BEETHOVEN  Cabinet 
Organ,  r*ow  Bendy,  by 
far  tho  best  for  the  least 
money.  Proof,  shipping 
one  every  ten  minutes. 
TEN  Set*  Becdw,  wiz.- 

1  Charming:  Saxophone, 

2  Famous  Freneli  Horn, 

3  Bean Uf  ul  lMcool-Rcedu 

4  Jubllnute-Viollnn, 
6  Powerful  Sub-BiiHn, 

6  Sweet  Volx  CuU-ulc. 

7  Soft  Cello  Reeds. 

8  ltulolanu  Reeds, 
v  lMupnfon  Reeds, 
10  Clarionet  Reeds. 


11  Useful  Stops, 

Including  Bub-Hn***,  Oc- 
tave  Coupler,  Volx  Ce- 

Jcote,  etc.  Producing  14 
Combinations  equal  to  H 
ordinary  organs  combined 
also,  Compass  Regulator, 
anew  invention  just  added 
Frlce,  »125.0t>.  offered 
now  as o  MH^UMMLU 
HOLIDAY  OFFER  with 
Bench,  Book  and  Muslc.f  or 

onsrxj-sr 

$65.00 

i  so  as  to  Introduce  quickly. 

'lam  very  busy;  no  time  to 
write  more  about  thiB 
beautiful  parlor  organ  In 
this  advertisement.  What 
Iwnnt  is  for  you  to  send 
me  *<i5.00,  thus  ordering 
the  heat  Cabinet  Organ. 
Its  introduction  is  far  bet- 
ter than  anything  that  can 
be  written, the  instrument 
speaks  for  itself,  it  sings 
its  own  praises.  Money 
refunded,  with  Interest, 
if  not  as  represented  after 
one  year's  use.  Nothing; 
saved  by  correspondence* 

VTSITQRS  WELCOME 

Any  person  who  will  call 
and  select  organ   in  per- 
son, $5.00  will  be  deduct- 
l  ■  ed  for  traveling  expenses. 
■  A  Leave  Hew  York  Cay.  foot 
=  Barclay  St.,  7:30  or  0  A.M.: 
t=l,3;30,or7   P.  M.viaDclo- 
;  ware,  Lackawanna  &  West- 
ern R-  R- ;  'are,  excursion, 
82.85;  time,  2  hours.   FREE 
COACH   Meets  all  Trains. 
HOTEL  MEALS  gratis. 
Whether  you  buy  or  not, 
you  are  cordially  welcome 
to  visit  tho  Largest  Reed 
Organ  Works  in  existence, 
anyway.    Illuwtrntea 
Catalogues  (tent  tree. 

r^  DANIEL  P.  BEATTY,~Was£ingtoii,  New  Jersey. 


THE     WASP. 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP   CO. 

Stfiirm/r    of  tlii- Compare  ^iH  Niil  ir GrnLnhm\ 

k  Wharf.  Ban  Francisco,  for  ports  In  California,  Ore- 
,  gon,    Washington    and    Idaho  Territories,    ttritieh 
'  Columbia  and  Alash  t,  oa  lullows  : 
(aliniriiin  Southern  (nasi  Route,    The  Bteamen  ORI- 
ZABA  and    ANCON   sail   every  live-  days  at   9  A.  M.   for   San    Luis 

Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angeles  and  San  Diego,  a-*  follows: 
ORIZABA,  loth,  20th  and  30tb  ol  each  month.  ANCON,  6th,  16th 
and  26th  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  ANGELES  sails  even 
Wednesday  at  8  a.  m,  for  Banta  Cna,  Monterey,  Ban  Simeon  Cay- 
aces,  San  Luis  Obispo,  Gaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buena- 
ventura. 

RrilKli  «  olumltlii  and  Alaska  Route.  —  Steamship 
IDAHO,  carrying  L'.  s.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon, 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend,  W.  T-,  Vic- 
toria,  and  Nanaimo,  B.  C,  Fort  w  runnel,  Sitka  and  flarrishorg, 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Pucet 
Sound.  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  on  the  last  Friday  of  the 
eame  month. 

Victoria  and  Puerl  .Sound  Route.— The  StcamersGEO.  \V 
ELDER  and  DAKOTA,  carry iny  Her  Urittanic  Majesty's  and  l/nited 
States  mails,  sail  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at 
2  i\  It,  every  Friday,  for  Victoria,  B.  C,  Port  Towns- 
ead,  Seattle,  Taconia,  Stvilacoom  and  Olympia,  making  dose 
connc.-tion  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skagit  River  and  Cassiai 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Betnrning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  l 
p.    m.,   every  Friday,  and  Victoria  (Esuuiaiault)  at  11   a,    m., 

every  Saturday. 

Sfote.-Our  Steamer  VICTORIA  sails  for  New  Westminster  and 
Nanaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as  per  advertisements  in  the  San 
rrancisco  Alta  or  Guide. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Route.-The  Oregon  Railway  and  Navi- 
gation Company  and  the  Pacific  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  QUEEN  OF 
THE  PACIFIC,  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA,  OREGON  or  COLUM- 
BIA, carrying  the    United  States   Mail    and  Wells,  Fargo  &.  Co  'a 

Express  Sailing  days— Hay  3d,  6th,  nth,  12th,  16th,  18th,  21st, 
8Kb,  27th,  30th  and  every  following  third  day  for  Portland  and 
Astoria,  Oregon. 

r.J$KE5£?  ami  Humboldt  Ray  Route. -Steamer  CITY  OF 
Ltlfc-STLR  saris  from  San  Francisco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 

Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  a.m. 

.■***'"*  Arena  and  Mendocino  Route.— Steamer  CON- 
STANTS E  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  m. 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket  Office.  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 
GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No,  10  Market  Street,  San  Francisco. 

The  Great   Burlington  Route. 

CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  & 
QUINCY  RAILROAD. 

E  A  S  TWA  R  D  . 

Is  The  Old  Favorite  and  Phincipal  Line  From 
OMAHA,  KANSAS  CITY,  A  r<  IIISOV  and  ST.  .IOSI  l-ll 

For  CHICAGO, 

1ST.  LOUIS, 

MILWAUKEE, 
DETROIT,   NIAGARA   FALLS, 
NEW       YORK,       BOSTON, 

And  all  points  East  and  Southeast. 
THE  LINE  COMPRISES  nearly  4,000  miles.  Solid, 
Smooth  Steel  Track.  All  connections  are  made  in  UNION 
DEPOTS.  It  has  a  National  Reputation  as  beinc  THE 
GREAT  THROUGH  CAR-LINE  and  is  universally 
conceded  to  be  the  FINEST  EQUIPPED  railroad  in  the 
World  for  all  classes  of  travel. 

Try  it,  and  you  will  find  traveling  a  luxury  instead  of  a 
discomfort. 

Through  Tickets  via  this  celebrated  line  for  sale  at  all 
offices  in  the  West. 

All  information  about  Rates  of  Fare,  Sleeping-Car  Ac- 
commodations, Time  Tables,  etc.,  will  be  cheerfully  given 
by  applying  to 

T.    J.    POTTER,  PERCEVAL    1.CHVI.II,, 

Gen'l  Manager,  Gen'l  Passenger  Agt. 

Chicago,  Ills.  Chicago,  Ills. 

T.    D.  McKAV, General  Agent 

Hanibal  and  St.  Joseph  and 

Chicago,  Burlington  and  Quincy  Railroads, 

3'i  Montgomery  Street. 

^Morris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  Hi   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


THE       SCENIC 


N  E 


SOUTH  PACIFIC  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland,    Alameda,   Efewarb,   Ban    June,   i.o*  Gatos, 
Glemrood,  Felton,  ihu;  Trees  ami  Banta  Croft 

"PICTURESQUE  SCENERY,  MOl  NTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
*  Santa  Clara  Volley,  Uonterej  Bay.  Porta  miles  shorter  to 
SANTA  CRUZ  than  any  other  route,  No  change  ol  can  ;  no  dust 
Equipment  and  road  bed  flret-claaa.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  boutxi  sidk,  at 

8,00  ^  •,*,'■  cla',v-  W&tt  Son  Lorenzo,  West  San  Leandro,  Rub- 
,OU  sells,  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarndo,  Hulls,  Newark,  Oenterville, 
Mowrys,  Ahiso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gates; 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glenwood,  Doughertys,  Felton  BigTrees 
and  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving  12  M.     Parlor  car 

2.011  ''■  M.  (Sumliivs  excepted),  Kx  press  :  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado, 
.0X3  Newark,  Centerville,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN 
JOSE,  Los  Gatos  and  every  station  to  SANTA  CRUZ,  arriving 
6:18  P.  SI.    Parlor  car. 

4, Ofl  f   M.  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gates  and 
■OH  intermediate  stations.    Through  to  Santa  Cruz  on  Sal- 
urdays.     Leave  Santa  Cruz,  Sundays,  ;V3J  P.  M.     .. 
Stages  connect  with  all  trains  for  CONGRESS  SPRINGS  at  Los 

Gsito*.     Thruu-N  (\ir.-,  .-„'  ;■<>.     Round  trip,  s-i  ■>:■. 

EXCURSIONS   TO   SANTA   CROZ  AND    »a.SO  TO  SAN 
Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  Until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

jfcQ  Excursions  to    big  trees  or  santa  crl'z,  bvbrv 

'~U      Sunday,  8:30  A.  M. 

TO    OAKLAND    AND    ALAMEDA. 

§6:30—7:30—8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.    ^12:30— 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 4:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30— 9-15-10:30  and  11:85  P.  M. 
From  Fourteenth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 

—§6:67—7:57— 8:52— 9:52— 10:52— tll:52  A.  M.  12:52— 1:62— 2:52 
—3:62— 4:52— 5:52— 6:52— 9-35-10-52-11-62.  At  7"52  P.  M., 
daily,  for  Alameda.     Sundays,  only  to  San  Francisco. 

From  High  street,  Alaiueda— §5:45— §6:45— 7:45-^8:35— 9:35 
—10:35—tll:35  A.  M.  12:35—1:35—2:35—3:35—4:35—5:35—6:35 
—9-20-10:35— 11-35  P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     Tf  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temescal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  by  any  other  route.     Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  ami  Transfer  offiecs  '1'i'i  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and   Webster,   Oakland ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R.  M.  GARRATT, 

May  15th.  Gen'l  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt. 


D?  THOMAS   HALL'S 


ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

A  ■  l -  ■  J  i _:  J 1 1, i  ill ,  appetizer,  jfiviny  tone  ana  strength 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonic  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonic  for  its  medicel  qualities  excels  any 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairs  of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stockton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

itSTFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


$5  to  $20 


per  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  $5  free. 

Address  Stinson  &Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

With    THEib    UNIQUE   AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OF  RIVES 
and  Rail  Transportation  penetrate  all  sections  ot  the  Pacific 
■     i  'i  torm  direct  routes 

lip  the  Columbia  -Tothi  Dalles,  billa,  Pendleton,  Walla 

Walla,  Dayton,  the  Palousc  Country,  Snake  River  Points,  and 
BBwiaton  ; 

lip  the  I'end  d'Orelile  Division-  To  ainaworth,  i  hi  ni 
Bprague,  Spokane  Palls,  Lake  Pond  d'Orelile,  and  all  points  m 

Northern  Idaho  and  Montana  ; 

Up  the  Willamette  Valley    To  Oregon  ntv,  Salem,  and 

the  beautiful  country  ofSouthem  Oregon  ; 

llonu  the  Columbia  -Through  the  most  picturesque  scene- 
ry to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points. 

Over  to  Paget  Sonnd— To  Tacoma,  Olyrnpia/.Seattle,  Port 

Townsend,   Victoria  and  Belinyham  Bay     n  section  unrivaled  tor 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prospects. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Uully  Stages  connect  with  trains  on   Clarke  _  Pork  Division, 
direct  for  Missoula  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic,  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Fruuclseo  offlec— 214  Montgomery  St. 

1863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F. ,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  EETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective   vision 
thoroughly   diagnosed,  'free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^AT  TWO  HOUKS'  NOTICE. & 


J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  3  Commission 

M  ERCH  ANTS. 

...  AGENTS    FOR.... 

Spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's  Centrifngal  Machines, 

Seed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327  Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


620     Market     Street, 

BURR  &  FINK,  Merchant    Tailors. 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


9%im& 


THE  CELEBRATED 

HAMPAGNE  WINES 

Kef  ere.  Dentz  &  Gelderman  Ay,  en  Champagne 


CACHET    BLANC-  Extra    Dry, 

In  cases  quarts  and  pints. 

CABINET     GREEN      SEAL, 

Id  baskets,  quarts  and  pints. 

BORDEAUX   RED   AND  WHITE   WINES, 

In  cases  from  Messrs.  A.  de  Luze  &  Fils. 

HOCK     WINES, 

Id  cases  from  G.  M.  Pabstmann  Sobn,  Mainz. 


harles  Meinecke  &  Co., 

Importers  and  Sole  Agents, 
314      SACRAMENTO      STREET. 


"Give  thy  son  a  literal  education," 


OHAMBEELAIN  &  BOBINSON 

PB6PHIET0BS. 


IIACIFIC 
f     BUSINESS 
AOLLEgE. 
J£320^t|S.r, 


0"SEND  FOR  CIRCULAR-^ 


F 


Leopold  Bro's 

LOEIST 

36  POST  STREET,  below  Kearny 
Bonquetfl  Baskets,  Wreaths,  CrosseB 


s 


s 

MOAT'V 

Street. 


Photographer. 


LLEN   NTGARY&CO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

[IQUOR    MERCHANTS, 

S22  and  824  FRONT  STBEET, 

\N  FRANCISCO.  -  CALIFORNIA 

SCOFEELD  &  TEVIS, 

Importing, 

hipping  &  Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12  0     and     12  2     Front     Street, 

ALSO  

.CRAMENTO,  STOCKTON  AND  LOS  ANGELES 


DONALD  fi, McMILLAN, 

Manufacturer  and_ Dealer  in 

SYRUPS,        CORDIALS,        BITTERS, 

essences,  California;  wines,  etc., 

714    Front    Street, 

(Near  Broadway).  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


B 


DRINK      JB> 

ETHESDA 

"WATEE. 

AGENCY,  418  SACRAMENTO  ST.,  S.  F. 

For  sale  at  all  first-class  SALOONS. 


White  House"  Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT    HOLLAND    GIN, 

FRENCH      BRANDIES, 

PORT,    SHERRV,     Etc. 
In  bond  or  dnty  paid. 
GEORGE       STEVENS, 
318    Front     Street,   Room    2,     San    Francisco 


Merchaat  Tailors, 

SHIPPER  &  SCHWARTZ, 

733   MARKET  ST.,  -  -  Opposite  DtJFONT. 

San    Francisco,   Cal. 

J.  Schwartz.  Sol.  Shipper.* 


Jambs  Shba. 


A.   Bocqokhaz.         R.  MoKeb. 


SHEA,  BOCQUERAZ  &  McKEE 

Importers  and  Jobbers  of  Pine 

WINES       AND        LIQUORS, 

Corner  Front  and  Jackson   Streets, 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 


E.     MARTIN     &    Co., 

Importers  and  Wholesale  Liquor  De  ales. 
••  MILTON    J.    HARDY," 

"J.   F.   CUTTER," 
and    "MILLER'S    EXTRA" 

lOld    Bourbon    Wbb.kl.-s.'  " 


408    FRONT     STREET,  S.    F. 


S  C  U  LI  TZ  ' 

Milwaukee  Beer 

Bottled  by  VOECHTING,  SHAPE  &  CO.,  the  Original  Bottlers. 


RICHAED8    &    HAEEISON. 

SOLE         AGENTS. 
N.   W.   Corner    SANSOME   and    SACRAMENTO   Streets,'  San    Francisco. 


A 


Mean  Stomach  Bitters. 

Great  Blood  Purifier.    Most  Agreeable  Tonio  ever  Prepared. 

SPRUANCE,  STANLEY  &  CO.,  Wholesale  Liquor  Merchants 

410  Front  Street,  S.  F.,  Sole  Agents  for  the  Pacific  Coast. 


IIANO) 

I   First  Class, 
Medium  Price,! 

FULL    VALUE 

FOB,   YQTJR  MONEY 


Hazelton  Bros 

HALLET  &  CUMSTON, 

A.^VL  BENHAM, 

CHAS.  S.  EATON. 
735     Market     Street, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Sole  Agents  for  C.  Conrad  Si  Go's 

°BUDWEISER  BEER;) 

WHOLESALE  DEALERS  I1T 


"mmfa 


321  MONTGOMERY  STREET,         San  Francisco,  Gal 

Formerly  United  Anaheim  Wine  Growers'  Association. 


Diper  Heidsieck 

1     CHAMPAGNE ! 

HENRY  LUND  &  Co.,  Agents 

214  California  St.,  San  Francisco,  CnL.     ' 


"Excelsior  ! 


"Excelsior  !' 


O.     ZI.NN8, 

FASHIONABLE    TAILOR, 

No.  5  Montgomery  Street  (Masonic  Temple), 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


COLTON 


DENTAL      ASSOCIATION 

(Gas  specialists  for  extracting  teeth  without  pains 
HAVE     REMOVED    TO 

Phelan's      Building 

ROOMS    6,    8   and     10, 

Entrance,  806  Market  street 

Dr.  (HAS  W.  DECKER,  Dentist 


EDWARD    E.   OSBORN, 

Solicitor     of    Patents, 

(American  and   Foreign,) 

3207CALIFORNIA    STREET 

Correspondents  in  Washington,  London,    Victoria, 
Australia,  Montreal,  Berlin,  Honolulu,  Mexico. 


FINE  OLD  TABLE  WINES. 


Houseworth's 
Photographs 

The  Highest  Standard  or  Exeellenee, 
12       MONTGOMERY      STREET. 


The 


JOHN   UTSCHIG, 

Prize     Boot     and     Shoe    Maker, 


r3"  Received  awards  of  CALIFORNIA 
<TATE  AGRICULTURAL  SOCIETY;"  also, 
MECHANICS'  INSTITUTE,  for  the  Rest  Work- 
manship. 


I.  MEUSSDOREFER'S  HATS  ARE  "THE"  STYLES.  "^"Zr^iS?^™-^ 


BUY  YOUR   SHIRTS    AND  UNDERWEAR  OF  CARMANY,  25  KEARNY  STREET. 


COAL  "* 
PIG  IRON. 

J.    MacDONOUGH     &    Co., 

Importers  and  dealers  in  all  kinds  of  Coal 
and  Pig  Iron 

41    MARKET    STREET, 

(Corner  Spear.)  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  MacDonough. 


J.  C.  Wilson. 


SAULMANN'  S 

Restaurant  and    Coffee  Saloon. 

German  Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

520     CALIFORNIA     STREET, 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 
Fresh  Bread  delivered  every  day  and  cakes 
made  to  Order.  Sole  agent  for  BUSSIAN  CAV- 
IAR and  WESTPHALIA  HAMS  German 
Sausages.  t.  BECSCHJE. 


CHAMPAGNE! 

IMtY  MOKOPOLE  (extra), 

L.  BOEDEKER  <sw  eet  and  dry), 

MOET  .1    C'JIANUUX, 
VEUVE    ClICaUOT, 

For  sale  by    A.      V1GNIER, 
429  AND   431   BATTERY    ST. 


PALACE    DYJE    "WORKS. 

(John  F.  Snow  &  Co.) 
US"  Address  all  orders  to  PALACE  DYE  WORKS, 

633  Market  Street,  Palace  Hotel. 
No  Branch  Office  in  San  Francisco. 
Ladles'  &  Gents'  Suits,  Gloves,  Snoes,  Furs, 

Feathers,  Mats,  Shawls,  Veils,  Sashes,  Ties, 
Ribbons,  Velvets,  Blankets,  Lace  Curtains,  Flan- 
nels, Etc. ,  cleansed  and  dyed  without  shrinking. 
(HAS.  J.  UOIJIES,  Prop. 


HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second  St.  near  Folsom,  S.  F. 

THE  LARGEST  BREWERY  WEST  OF  ST.  LOTUS. 


JOHN  WIELAND, 


Proprietor 


olters  Brothers&Co 

Importers  and  Dealers  In 

Wines  and  Liquors 

221  California  Street.  San  Francisco 


Francisco  Daneri.  Henry  Casanova 

F.    D  ANERI    &    Co., 

Dealers  in 

WINES,  LIQUORS,  GROCERIES 

21  and  29  California  Street, 

Bet.  Davis  and  Dnrmm,    -     -    SAN  FRANCISCO 


CAN  CRANCISCO 

Capital  Stock 

$200,000. 


OUR  LAGER  BEER  BEEW- 
ED  BY  THE  NEW  METHOD 
AND  WARRANTED  TO 
KEEP  IN  ANT  CLIMATE. 


QTOGK  DREWERY, 


Corner  of  Powell 

AND 

Francisco  Streets. 

Telephone  9012. 

Ale  and  Porter 

IN  BULK  OR  BOTTLE. 

Superior  to  any  on 
the  Pacific  Coast. 


WILLIAM     F.     SMITH      M.     D., 

(OCULIST.) 

TTiOKilERLY  AT  No.  313  BUSH  STREET,  HAS 
r  removed  to  Phelan's  Building-,  Rooms  300  to  304 
Hours  for  Consultation  :  12  M.  to  3  P.  m.    [Elevator. 


DODGE,  SWEENEY  &  Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision      Dealers, 

Xos.  114  and  116  Market  street, 
Nos.  11  and  13  California- street. 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 


R .  S.  Falconer,  Sec'y.      W.  N.  Miller,  Supt. 
».  A.  MACDOX.VLD,  President. 

Enterprise  Mill  &  Building  Co. 

Sawing,    Planing,  Turning  and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames,  Doors,  Sashes,  Blinds  &  Mouldings 

21 J  to  225  Spear  St.,  218  to  226  Smart  St. 

Sax  Francisco,  Cal.. 


dnpjpu 


BET  AXD  EXTRA  DRY 


QjikuI  fem\#wj  6  & 


PRODUCED    BY    FERMENTATION    + 
IN    THE    BOTTLE. 

LIKE  AIL  FREXCH  CHAMPAGNES. 

THE  ONLY  PRODUCERS 
OF  NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON  THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 


530  WASHINGTON  ST  S.F  CAL. 

B^None  Genuine  unless  "bearing  our  name  on  Label  and  Corlt.^Btf 


L.    P.    DEGEN      Maker    of 


|A|||ER^|?BEU||i|n 


Water  Proof  Leather  Belting. 

128-130    FIRST  ST.,   San  Franoisc. 


A.  FINKE'S  WIDOW 


OH 
Pu 


LICK  HOUSE 

ON      THB 

EUKOPEAN    PLAN. 

Elegantly  furnished  rooms.    First-class  Restaurant. 

THE  HANDSOMEST  DINING-ROOM 

In  the  World. 
Witt.   F.  HARRISON,  Manager. 


HIBERNIA    BREWERY, 

MATTHEW    NUHAN,  Proprietor. 
HOWARD         STREET, 

Bet.  Eighth  and  Ninth,       SAS  FRANCISCO 
Superior  Beer  and  Porter  shipped  daily  to  all  parts 
of  the  City  and  State 


WILLIAMS,  DIMOND  &  CO. 

SHIPPING  AND 

COMMISSION  MERCHANTS 

UNION    BLOCK, 

JUNCTION  MABKET  AND  PINE  BTKEETS 

SAN   FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS  FOB  PACIFIC  MAIL  8.  S.  CO.) 
the  Pacific  Steam  Navigation  Co.;  the  Cn- 
nard  Royal  Mail  S  S.  Co.;  the  Hawaiian  Line; 
tao  China  Traders'  Insurance  Co.  (Limited); 
the  Marine  Insurance  Co.  of  London;  the  Bald- 
win Locomotive  Works;  the  Glasgow  Iron  Co.: 
Nicti,  Ashton  &  Son's  Salt. 


ft  __626JiMTGQMF.RY.ST.  EL.S.E..COR.  SUTTER  &  DUPJ^SJJS..-. 
//:■      S.F. 


The    Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed    on  the   Pacific 

Coast. 

Office 
406    Sacramento    Street, 

San  Francisco. 


CELEBRATED    CALIFORNIA 

A  M  P  A  G  N   p 

Pure,  delicious  and  healthful.        |___ 
809   JIONT<:«tIEl£Y   St..  San    Fraoekeo. 

H  .    N.    COOK, 

Manufacturer  of 
OAK-TAN  NED 

LEATHER  BELTING  &  HOSE. 

405    MARKET    STREET, 

(Cor.  Fremont}  San  Francisco. 

Every     Lady    Should 

know  manning's 

Oyster    Grotto. 


Established      1854. 
GEO.      MORROW    &    CO., 

Ilay,  Grain  and  Commission  Mer» 
chants. 

39  CLAY  AND  28  COMMERCIAL   STS.,  S.  F 

BonesteM,  Allen  &  Co  , 

IMPORTERS  OF 

IE3  _A.  IP  IE    ~El 

OF    ALL    KINDS. 

413  and  415  Sansome  St. 


CALIFORNIA 

Sugar  Refinery, 

OFFICE,  327  MARKET  STREET. 
Refinery,  Eiglitn  and  Brannan  streets. 

0LAU8  SPKEOKELB President 

}.  D.  SPKEOKELB  - Vlce-Preldent 

a.  B.  8PRE0KEL8 Secretary 

THE    AMERICAN 

Sugar  Refinery, 

SAN    FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers  of  all  classes  of  Refined  Sugars, 
including  Loaf  Sugar  for  export. 
C.  1DOLPHE  LOW,  Presided! 
Office— 208  California  street. 


Try    Peruvian    Bitters. 


.TRADE 


MARK. 


-^STANDARD  LEATHER  BELTING.  A-  °-.^°.!L*,s,0N' 


CVOL.  10. 


y?3  6i 


£Af7F/?fj)  /9r  r//s  /vsr  <?/f/cf  /?r  sMsw/yiT/sco  cm  mp  Jaw/rav  /V/?  T,r/?/ysw?s/o//  tt/^o/g//  77ft  <*f/?/is  4r  Sfcow  cusss  tfrfrss 


OUR 


PUBLIC  SERVANTS." 


THE     WAS'J 


HIGH    OLD     INSTRUCTORS. 


Mentioning,  with  just  commendation,  the  de- 
partment of  the  State  University  designed  to  fit 
young  men  for  the  profession  (if  not  the  practice) 
of  journalism,  the  Stockton  Herald  suggests  a 
course  of  lectures  by  journalists. 

"  How  eagerly,  for  example,"  says  our  contem- 
porary, "  the  lads  at  the  University,  and  the  pub- 
lic also,  would  listen  to  the  venerable  Mr.  Picker- 
ing of  the  San  Francisco  Call  holding  forth  on  the 
art  of  sitting  on  a  fence  year  in  and  year  out,  with- 
out once  falling  over  on  either  side,  though  occa- 
sionally giving  alarming  signs  of  being  about  to  do 
so.  The  good  old  gentleman  could  explain  the 
commercial  advantages  of  running  a  journal  that  is 
as  innocent  of  opinions  as  a  sheet  of  wrapping 
paper.  What  could  be  more  instructive  than  to 
learn  how  a  man  can  attain  such  perfection  in  the 
art  of  composition  as  to  be  able  to  grind  out  thou- 
sands upon  thousands  of  colums  of  printed  matter 
and  yet  point  to  the  mountain  of  his  productions 
and  proudly  defy  any  living  soul  to  discover  the 
trace  of  an  idea  in  it  all  ? 

"  Then  Rev.  Mr.  Bartlett  of  the  San  Francisco 
Bulletin  might  be  induced  to  disclose  his  reason  for 
adopting  the  style  of  writing  for  which  he  has  be- 
come distinguished.  It  would  relieve  the  profes- 
sion to  learn  why  he  takes  one  thought,  states  it 
briefly,  restates  it  at  length,  then  states  it  briefly 
again,  spreads  it  out  at  length  once  more,  and  so 
on  till  a  column  is  filled.  He  and  Mr.  Pickering, 
if  calltd  to  the  lecture  stand,  might  be  induced  to 
tell  the  terms  of  the  contract  with  the  Railroad 
Company  under  which  the  Call  and  Bulletin  have 
agreed  never  to  notice  editorially  any  complaints 
against  that  corporation,  although  the  people  of  the 
whole  state  may  be  in  a  fever  of  indignation  at  the 
robbery  to  which  they  are  subjected  at  its  hands. 
The  young  men  studying  journalism  at  the  Uni- 
versity would  thus  learn  how  much  a  newspaper 
with  a  good  circulation  may  be  sold  into  prostitu- 
tion for. 

"  The  editor  of  the  San  Francisco  Alta  could  ex- 
plain the  mystery  of  how  a  newspaper  which  no- 
hudy  reads  manages  to  make  its  existence  profit- 
able. 

"  The  editors  of  the  San  Francisco  Post,  Sacra- 
mento Record-  Union,  Stockton  Independent  and 
other  railroad  organs  could  point  out  the  beauty 
and  effectiveness  of  hurling  at  anti-railroad  news- 
papers and  public  men  the  foulest  personal  abuse 
for  rive  days  hand-running  and  then  on  the  sixth 
day  printing  an  essay  on  the  evils  of  personalities 
in  journalism  on  the  stunrp,  and  accusing  the  anti- 
railroad  newspapers  and  speakers  of  resorting  to 
personalities  in  the  absence  of  all  argument  to  back 
up  their  side  of  the  question. 

' '  The  editor  of  the  Oakland  Times  would  be  able 
to  tell  how  he  is  succeeding  in  elevating  our  coarse 
and  ignorant  California  journalism  and  politics  to 
the  refined  and  intellectual  Iowa  standard* 

"  Editor  Pixley  of  the  San  Francisco  Argonaut 
would  interest  the  class  by  explaining  why  he,  a 
man  of  property,  loves  a  dollar  so  ardently  that  for 
the  sake  of  a  subsidy  that  would  not  be  even  a  temp- 
tation to  any  other  newspaper  man  in  the  state,  he 
grovels  at  the  feet  of  Stanford,  Huntington  and 
Crocker  and  licks  them  until  their  toes  ache.  He 
could  either  confirm  or  explode  the  charitable  theory 
held  by  some  that  he  is  by  nature  such  an  abject 
toady  that  he  cannot  help  fawning  and  truckling 
to  wealth,  whether  he  gets  pay  for  so  doing  or  not." 


GERMAN     SILVER. 


DIALOGUE. 


Professor  (to  candidate  for  examination.) — Yes, 
if  you  don't  know  what  went  on  in  the  year  425, 
before  Christ — then  I  really  don't  know  what  I 
should  ask  you. 


Rosa  :  Anna,  is  it  true  that  you  are  engaged  to 
the  little  major  i 

Anna  :    Yes,  it  is  true. 

Rosa  :    But  you  are  as  tall  again  as  he  is. 

Anna  :  Oh,  well,  he  is  almost  always  on  horse- 
back. 


She  :  Only  see,  Edward,  how  charming  it  is  ! 
Everything  verdant  and  blooming,  the  birds  sing- 
ing their  spring-songs. 

He  :  I  don't  understand  how  you  can  be  so 
enthusiastic  over  that — it  is  the  same  every  year. 

Merchant  :   I  tell  you,  over  and  over,  that  I 


don't  need  anything  now — so  let  me  have  some  rest  ! 
Drummer  :   Shall  I  send  it  to  you  by  express  or 
as  slow  freight  1 


Commissary  (to  vagabond. )  :  Have  you  the  means 
of  existence  ? 

Vagabond  :   0  yes,  a  very  good  stomach. 


Traveler  :  Conductor,  is  there  time  to  drink 
a  glass  of  beer  at  the  next  station  ?- 

Conductor  :  0  yes,  if  you  are  not  going  any 
farther. 


Little  Fritz  :   How  old  are  you,  Ella  ? 

Ella  :   Six  years. 

Little  Brother  :  You  lie  ;  next  month  you 
will  be  seven  years  old  ! 

Little  Fritz  :  0  these  women  !  They  always 
want  to  be  younger  ! 


Departing  Guest  (  to  hotel  proprietor.)  :  Your 
porter  is  a  regular  clown  ! 

Hotel  Proprietor  :   There  you  are  about  right. 

Guest  :  He  is  surly  and  rough  and  will  drive  all 
your  guests  away  yet. 

Proprietor  :   Quite  correct. 

Guest  :  If  I  had  been  in  your  place  I  should 
have  sent  him  off  long  ago. 

Proprietor  :  I  have  already  thought  about  do- 
ing so,  but  it  never  happens. 

Guest  :   Why  not  ? 

Proprietor  :   He  is  my  father  in-law  ! 


Mother  (before  (he confectioner's  window.)  :  Now, 
Johnny,  shall  I  buy  you  "  Faith,  Hope  and  Char- 
ity "  in  chocolate  ? 

Little  Johnny  :  0  mother,  I  would  rather  have 
the  Twelve  Apostles. 

Judge  :  You  have  been  repeatedly  punished  for 
theft,  lying,  vagabondage  and  begging. 

Prisoner  (indignantly. )  :  I  beg  ?  Sir,  begging 
was  never  the  talk  with  me.  1  have  always  just 
stolen." 


Housemaid  :  My  mistress  is  a  perfect  Satan- 
she  scolds  round  the  house  the  whole  day.  So 
much  is  certain — she  never  will  get  to  heaven. 

Washwoman  :  She  ?  By  good  right — she  must 
help  them  thunder  up  there. 


MAGNANIMOUS     ML 


Father  (to  his  sou  returned  frmu  the  University.) : 
Now,  you  have  no  debts  ? 

Son  :    Three  thousands  marks. 

Father  :    What  !    Three  thousand  marks  ! 

Son  :  How! — are  you  not  proud  that  your  son  has 
such  credit  ? 


Farmer  (in  B.  B.  station  restaurant.)  :  I  have 
drunk  six  pints  already.  In  an  hour  the  train  will 
bring  my  old  woman.  She  must  have  three  pints. 
It  is  dreadful  the  money  my  old  woman  costs  me  ! 


Folk  Song. 
If  you  near  my  true  love  come, 

Say  through  you  her  face  I  greet. 
If  she  ask  how't  goes  with  me, 

You  can  say,  upon  both  feet. 

If  she  ask  if  I  am  sick, 
Say  I  died  from  sorrow. 

If  she  then  begin  to  weep. 
Say  I'll  come  to-morrow  ! 


UND  SO  WEITER. 

A  man  talking  through  the  telephone  with 
another  receives  the  wrong  answer. 

"  What  donkey  do  you  think  you  are  speaking 
to  ?  "  he  cries  angrily. 

"  With  you,  Mr.  Miiller,"  is  the  prompt  reply. 


Affecting  ejaculation:  "One  never  has  any  money 
the  last  thirty  days  in  a  month  !  " 


"  I  acknowledge  that  what  you  have  said  is 
true — but  I  should  like  to  see  the  donkey  who 
would  believe  it  if  I  told  it  to  him  !  " 

Translated  fri/  E.  F.  Dawson. 


A  boy  was  making  a  great  racket  on  his  drum  in 
front  of  a  house  in  Somerville. 

"  Little  boy,"  said  a  lady,  "  you  mustn't  drum 
here  ;  there  is  a  lady  sick  in  this  house." 

"  Well,  I  don't  know  where  I  am  going  to  drum, 
then  ;  there's  one  dead  in  our  house,"  was  the 
mournful  reply. 


Editor  Wasp  "  Sir — the  18th  of  June  the 
anniversary  of  two  Battles  which  have  produced 
Great  results,  one  large  and  the  other  Small,  on 
the  18  of  June  1775  at  Bunker  Hill  a  half  armed 
undisciplined  Mob  gained  a  victory  over — trained 
Soldiers  laying  the  corner  Stone  of  the  great  Be- 
public.  on  the  18t  June  1815  the  fate  of  Europe 
was  decided  at  Waterloo,  compelling — Napoleon 
to  throw  himself  at  the  feet  of  the  Nation  he  hated 
the  most,  the  anniversary  of  the  great  Battle 
Spoken  of  has  been  discontinued  for  over  SO  years 
which  goes  to  prove  that  a  Monarchy  is  more 
Magnanimus  than  a  Republic,  the  Germans  cela- 
brated  the  Surrender  of  Paris  once  &  that  was  the 
last  of  it.  had  it  been  the  Jankees  that  was  at  war 
with  France  &  took  Paris,  the  Great  event  would 
go  down  unto  the  Seventh  Gineration.  Yours  Re- 
spectf  J.  Mc, 

One  who  thinks  by  gones  should  be  by  gones. 


NORTH     COUNTRY    HUMOR. 


L'  Feythor  !  "  exclaimed  a  little  lad  at  Gates- 
head, "  aa  wish  aa  wes  a  Jew."  "  What  for  ?  " 
inquired  the  parent.  "  Wey,"  replied  the  youth. 
"  cas  if  aa  wes,  aa  wad  get  ma  Sunday's  happenny 
o'  the  Settordays. " 

"  Luik  heor,  lads,"  said  a  mechanic  at  Houghton 
Colliery,  "  aa've  worked  as  hard  as  ony  o'  ye  i' 
ma  life.  Aa've  dyun  ma  best,  an'  neybody  can  de 
mair."  "  Hal,  away  man,"  exclaimed  an  old  block- 
chipper,  "  aa've  dyun  mair  nor  ma  best  mony  a 
time  ;  an'  whaat's  mair,  aa  had  te  did." 

The  other  morning  while  some  corporation  work- 
men were  taking  rubbish  out  of  the  police  build- 
ing, Pilgrim  street,  Newcastle,  one  of  them  re- 
marked, "  Thor's  a  lot  of  bottles  heor,  lads.  Noo, 
for  ma  pairt,  aa  like  to  see  ivvory  man  teetotal." 
"  Ay,  sartinly,  thoo  dis, "  rejoined  a  mate  ;  "  but 
that's  cas  thoo  thinks  thor'll  be  mair  left  for 
thyself  !  " 

A  retired  pugilist  engaged  at  a  Northern  colliery 
recently  joined  the  Salvation  Army.  One  of  his 
friends,  speaking  of  the  matter  to  another,  re- 
marked :  "  Jack's  getten  into  the  reet  line  at  last, 
He  can  work  at  tlrat  game  forst  rate,  cas  aa've  seen 
him  knock  the  divil  oot  o'  mony  a  chep. " 

"  Aa,  say,  Bob,  thoo's  haaf  an  hour  late,"  said  a 
Wearside  shipyard  foreman  to  one  of  the  workmen. 
"  Haaf  an  hour  late  !  "  exclaimed  Bob  ;  "  how 
cen  thot  be  I  Wey,  man,  as  aa  wes  gannen  ower 
the  church  clock  the  waggon-way  struck  six  ;  and 
thoo's  not  gannen  to  mak  me  believe  it  tyeks  me 
haaf  an  hoor  to  com  frey  thyor. " 

A  Sunderland  coal  trimmer,  who  happened  to 
visit  Newcastle  last  week,  invested  in  a  packet  of 
the  "  consolidated  ice  cream  "  vended  about  the 
streets  under  the  name  of  hokey-pokey.  Putting 
the  delicacy  in  his  trousers'  pocket,  the  purchaser, 
accompanied  by  a  friend,  adjourned  for  a  glass. 
Presently  our  Wearside  friend  uttered  aa  indistinct 
ejaculation,  and  then,  hastily  putting  his  hand  into 
the  pocket  where  the  hokey-pokey  had  been  de- 
posited, he  exclaimed,  "  A  swindle,  begox  !  It's 
nowt  but  wettor. " — Newcastle  Chronicle. 


Three  pounds  of  hogwort  in  a  half  pint  of  canide 
of  opossum  is  recommended  for  sharp  attacks  of 
exegesis.     It   is  to  be  rubbed  on   the  unaffected 
parts  ;  the  seat  of  the  trouble  will  then  feel  com 
paratively  comfortable. 


The  last  pension  granted  was  given  to  the  ille- 
gitimate son  of  a  man  wrho  fell  down  and  skinned 
his  knee  while  legging  it  over  the  border  into 
Canada  at  the  time  of  the  first  draft.  Honor  the 
brave ! 


"  Whisky,"  said  the  doctor,  "  hardens  the 
brains."  "Maybe  it  does,  replied  the  horrible  ex- 
ample, "  but  it  softens  theknees  most  wonderfully. 


It  has  been  ascertained  by  careful  experiment 
that  only  one  grain  of  chloroform  is  required  to 
rob  an  actress  of  her  diamonds. 


Some  mens  vas  alvays  like  der  key  hole  on  der 
back  of  a  clock.     Dhey  vas  behind  time. 


THE     WASP. 


THE    GIGGLING    MUSE, 


"  '  ted  l  renei  it  ve,  a  comely  maid  ; 

My  love  was  hot,  and  yet  n  gentle  fear 
Did  all  my  trembling   bones  and  stammering  tongue  pep. 
i  li  . 

When  she,  my  worshipped  Genevieve  was  near. 
Oh,  coward  man,  to  fear  a  maiden  *<►-! 

Oh  ;   fooliiih  craven,  holding  love  so  dear! 
Ob,  wretch  unwise  to  treat  with  such  a  foe 

Trembling,  forsooth,  when  I  was  near  ! 

I  married  Genevieve,  a  stalwart  wife; 

My  love  hath  i led,  and  atill  a  generous  fear 

D  ith  permeate  my  troabloiu  matrimonial  life 

\\  hen  slie,  my  vigorous  I  ienei  ieve,  is  near. 
Sagacious  man,  respecting  woman  so  ! 

I'm  on  my  knees  when  she  is  on  her  e:ir 
And  meekly  through  the  ■_'! n  «.f  wedded  life  I  go, 

Trembling,  alas  !   when  Genevieve  is  near." 

1 1.  nvi  r  Tribune, 

To  TUB  Clam. 

Sphinx  of  the  fragrant  sand  ! 
Tin. vi  art  the  stony  emblem  of  repose  ; 
Terrestrial  type  of  science  and  Btability, 
W  ithin  a  Baline  cave  upon  the  strand 

Thou  Btandeat  on  thy  toes. 
And  gazest  through  thy  porthole  at  the  grand 

Procession  of  the  ntars, 
And  shudderest  at  the  elemental  wars. 
Thou  tender-hearted  teacher  of  humility  ; 
1 1,  Languid  mollusc— all  the  graces  blent 

To  form  thy  temperament ! 
Thou  hast  the  slow  and  indolent  benignity 
And  callous  mien  which  men  call  dignity. 

0  : 

— W.  A.  Oroffut.. 


CHAFF, 

At  dinner:  "I  did  not  return  from  my  lodge 
Wry  early  last  night,  iny  son,  yet  even  at  that  hour 
I  noticed  you  were  not  in.  ' 

"How  r 

"I  observed  your  bed-room  to  be  vacant,  as  I 
passed  it  un  my  way  to  mine." 

"  Ah,  I  had  gone  down  to  breakfast,  father." 

I  was  amused  the  other  day  by  hearing  a  Cali- 
fornian  vainly  trying  to  explain  why  so  much  leas 
is  generally  known  in  San  Francisco  than  in  the 
East  about  the  Yosemite.  The  best  explanation 
he  could  offer  was  characteristic :  He  Baid  we 
have  so  many  wonders  out  here  that  they  excite  no 
special  interest.  The  true  reason  is  that  the  East- 
ern papers  have  had  many  more  and  much  better 
descriptions  of  Yosemite  than  have  the  Calif orinian 
papers  :  the  latter  abstaining  from  writing  it  up 
for  fear  of  giving  the  valley  a  free  advertisement. 
The  papers  out  here  long  ago  ceased  writing  up  the 
churches  for  fear  of  giving  heaven  a  free  notice. 


Sargent,  our  Aaron,  United  States  Minister  to 
Berlin,  in  defense  of  his  row  over  the  German 
non-importation  of  American  pork,  is  quoted  in 
some  correspondence  published  in  last  Sunday's 
Call  as  saying:  "  A  Minister  should  have  some- 
thing more  to  do  than  smelling  court  trains." 
Well,  I  should  think  as  much !  I  am  surprised 
that  smelling  court  trains  is  a  reeogdized  part  of 
our  foreign  Minister's  duties,  and  am  more  sur- 
prised that  Sargent  should  admit  it  if  it  is  true. 
I  really  cannot  understand  this,  whatever.  It 
appears  as  a  startling  revelation  of  our  diplomatic 
service,  and  of  a  nature  calculated  to  shock  the 
average  lay  mind  ;  for,  be  it  known,  a  court  train 
is  a  part  of  the  female  apparel.  The  most  sensi- 
tive pictorial  imagination  fails  to  produce  anything 
like  a  dignified  result  when  called  upon  to  consider 
Minister  Aaron  Sargent  or  James  Russell  Lowell 
performing  that  diplomatic  service  known  as  smell- 
ing a  court  train!  And  what  does  Mrs.  Sargent 
say  to  this  ?  How  any  foreign  Minister's  wife 
must  feel  when  she  finds  her  husband's  duty  in- 
cludes the  smelling  of  court  trains  other  than  her 
own  is  a  subject  too  painful  to  be  considered.  And 
what  peculiarity  is  it  about  the  foreign  ladies' train 
that  it  should  be  thought  excellent  that  visiting 
diplomats  should  smell  thereof  ?  Verily,  the  whole 
disclosure  is  one  concerning  which  an  old  bachelor 
like  myself eh  s  I  am  interrupted  by  my  com- 
rade, who  suggests  that  it  was  merely  a  typographi- 


cal error,  and  that  the  "  m  "  in  the  objectionable 
w..i-d  should  have  been  a  "  w  ;  "  thus  making  the 
duty  Mi  Sargent  would  have  added  to  " swelling " 
a  court  train  ;  and  that  the  "  trail!  "  refers  to  the 
followers  of  a  court  dignitary.  1  hasten  to  give 
my  roinrade's  suggestions  for  the  sake  of  others 
wh<»,  like  myself,  were  greatly  shocked  at  this. 


Reading  the  proceedings  in  the  Bryant  court- 
martial  reminds  me  of  a  not  bad  mot  I  once  heard 
regarding  the  principal  witness  for  the  prosecution. 
He  is  a  naturalized  American,  and  speaking  of  him 
a  gentleman  remarked:  "Let  me  see;  he  is  a 
German,  is  he  not  !'  "No,"  responded  his  listener; 
"  he  was  a  German." 

I  desire  to  address  a  paragraph  to  my  lady  read- 
ers only  :  A  young  couple,  friends  of  mine,  have 
earned  the  reputation  of  being  the  most  clever 
entertainers  in  their  set— a  large  one — by  a  method 
they  explained  to  me,  and  as  it  is  the  sole  inven- 
tion of  the  wife,  the  secret  was  imparted  to  me 
under  the  solemn  pledge  that  I  would  tell  it  to 
ladies  only— the  husband  being  a  mechanical  par- 
ticipant only  in  the  scheme,  which  is  this  :  They 
have  a  large  number  of  albums  and  books  of  en- 
gravings. The  albums  (and  this  I  desire  to  state 
with  all  impressiveness)  contain  no  family  like- 
nesses nor  photographs  of  acquaintances.  Your 
friends,  madam,  are  always  bored  when  asked  to 
look  over  a  collection  of  your  other  friends.  They 
much  prefer  to  look  at  their  own.  The  alburns, 
then,  are  classified  :  one  containing  photographs  of 
theatrical  celebrities,  one  great  soldiers,  another 
the  counterfeit  presentments  of  long-haired  musi- 
cians, another  authors,  another  singers,  still  an- 
other great  politicians,  and  so  on  through  the  list 
of  possible  heroes.  The  books  of  engravings  are 
also  classified  :  one  shows  you  thrilling  pictures  of 
the  wars,  another  reproduces  the  works  of  the  old 
masters,  another  of  the  modern  French  school  of 
artists,  and  another  is  devoted  to  early  English, 
and  so  on.  The  albums  and  books  are  numbered. 
The  wife  greets  her  callers,  and  instantly  and  with 
great  cleverness  finds  out  what  they  are  specially 
interested  in  :  music,  politics,  the  drama,  battles, 
classics,  or  what  not.  Then,  witli  a  knowing  look, 
she  quietly  remarks  to  her  attentive  husband  : 
"Thirty-seven,"  or  "fourteen,"  or  "nine,  my 
darling,"  as  the  case  may  be.  Quickly  husband 
dear  produces  the  designated  volume  of  engravings 
or  photographs,  and  plants  it  in  the  lap  of  the 
designated  person  or  couple,  and  retires  happy  in 
the  cleverness  of  his  wife,  while  the  provided-for 
person  or  couple  becomes  oblivious  of  surroundings 
in  the  interest  of  No.  9<  This  I  consider  good, 
and,  madam,  I  have  imparted  it  to  you  because  it 
requires  cleverness,  and  that  I  know  you  possess. 


I  had  almost  told  this  story  like  a  Scotchman, 
omitting  the  point,  which  is  this:  By  observing 
these  rules  you  not  only  earn  the  reputation  of  be- 
ing an  agreeable  and  entertaining  woman,  but,  in 
providing  amusement  for  your  guests  of  a  nature 
to  launch  them  on  a  pleasant  sea  of  conversation, 
you  take  care  to  leave  unprovided  for  your  best 
young  man,  who  is  thus  thrown  upon  your  per- 
sonal resources  for  amusement— left,  I  may  say,  as 
totally  at  your  mercy  as  a  flea  that  you  might  impale 
on  a  needle,  my  dear,  and  hold  in  the  gas  jet  to  fry. 

Boutvtlle. 


CROOK     AND    THE     CRANKS. 


If  tke  editors  who  write  so  much  about  General 
Crook's  campaign  and  the  disposal  of  the  Indian 
prisoners  taken  in  it,  would  only  say  boldly  what 
they  want  to  say,  instead  of  beating  about  in  the 
bush  with  vague  hints,  it  would  be  more  to  their 
credit  and  much  better  for  the  public  understanding 
of  the  question.  With  much  gravity  they  are  com- 
plaining that  Crook  did  not  surrender  his  Apache 
captives  to  the  Mexican  military  authorities,  whom 
instead  of  trying  to  meet  for  that  purpose,  he  in- 
tentionally avoided  until  the  frontier  was  passed. 
This,  they  declare,  was  a  violation  of  international 
rights,  since  the  Indians  were  taken  on  Mexican 
soil  and  could  only  be  justly  claimed  by  the  Mexi- 
can Government.  What  these  "  leaders  of  public 
opinion  "  mean  by  this  is  that  Crook  ought  to  have 
given  up  his  prisoners  to  the  Mexicans  because  in 
that  case  they  would  have  been  instantly  murdered 
and  the  United  States  Government  would  have  had 
no  further  trouble  or  expense  on  their  account. 
With  this  view  of  the  matter  many  people  will 
a«ree.  Very  few,  indeed,  who  know  what  the 
Apaches  are  would  regret  their  taking  off  by  any 


means.  But  it  is  as  well  to  remember  that  Crook 
is  a  gentleman  as  well  as  an  Indian -tighter.  He" 
has  gained  his  influence  with  the  Indians  by  always 
keeping  his  word  with  them  (after  licking  them,  of 
course),  and  in  this  instance  he  nearly  promised  to 
see  that  their  lives  were  spared  if  they  "  came  in." 
This  implied,  if  not  actual,  compact  was  made  in 
the  heart  of  the  Sierra  Madre,  and  was  made  only 
with  the  handful  of  Indians  who  were  surprised 
and  surrounded,  but  who,  after  once  accepting 
Crook's  terms  vouched  for  their  acceptance  by  the 
outlying  bands.  The  Apaches  redeemed  their 
plfd'_"'  ;  and  if  such  treacherous  cutthroats  can 
keep  their  word  our  government  ought  surely  not 
to  make  a  liar  out  of  its  best  and  bravest  frontier 
officer. 


NOTES     BY     VARIOUS     GL00MORISTS, 


A  pretty  big  boy  tumbled  over  some  rocks,  the 
other  day,  and  got  hurt.  <  hi  getting  up,  he  swore 
with  considerable  fluency  and  precision.  A  parson 
going  by  pointed  out  how  unbecoming  was  such 
language,  and  asked  why  he  discoursed  so  irre- 
ligiously. Then  the  fallen  youth  explained  that  he 
was  too  big  to  cry,  but  too  hurt  to  hold  his  tongue, 
and,  by  hokey,  he'd  got  to  do  something. 


Literary  Matron  :  "  What  does  Shakespeare 
mean  by  his  frequent  use  of  the  phrase,  l  Go  to1  ?  " 
Matter-of-fact  husband:  "Well,  perhaps  he 
thought  it  wouldn't  be  polite  or  proper  to  finish 
the  sentence." 

"No,"  he  said,  "I  never  take  my  sister  any- 
where. Not  that  I'd  object  to  doing  so  on  my  own 
account,  but  folks  seeing  her  with  me  and  not 
knowing  she  was  my  sister  might  form  an  unfavor- 
able opinion  of  her." 


Circumstances  alter  cases.  Mr.  Croesus  Bordwell : 
"Is  your  sister  at  home?"  Miss  Sally  (who  has 
heard  Mr.  B.  discussed  in  the  family):  "No." 
Mr.  C.  B. :  "  Then  will  you  please  see  that  she 
gets  these  flowers?"  Miss  S. :  "  Y'es,  I'll  take 
them  right  up  to  her  ;  she'll  be  delighted," 


Heard  in  the  suburbs  :  "  Are  you  going  to  keep 
your  brickyard  running  this  season?"  "No,  I 
think  I'll  put  a  bay  window  in  the  kiln  and  adver- 
tise for  summer  boarders. " 


M.  D.  Conway  has  discovered  that  Shakespeare's 
widow  married  a  blacksmith  named  James.  Judg- 
ing from  the  dramatic  ability  displayed  in  the 
"comedy"  of  "Daisy  Miller,"  Mr.  Henry  James 
is  probably  a  descendant  of  Shakespeare's  widow 
by  her  second  husband. 

Somebody  substituted  a  pile  of  corn-cobs  for  the 
doughnuts  on  an  Omaha  restaurant  countei-,  and 
they  were  about  two-thirds  eaten  before  anybody 
discovered  what  had  occurred. 


"Seems  to  me  that  this  is  much  adieu  about 
nothing,"  said  young  Augustus  Popinjay,  as  the 
whole  family  fell  upon  the  neck  of  the  departing 
second  aunt,  and  with  tears  of  gratitude  consigned 
her  to  the  tender  mercies  of  the  hackman. 


"  Yes,"  said  the  tramp,  "  I  think  he  is  the  Presi- 
dent of  a  charitable  society,  for  he  kicked  me  four 
rods  further  than  the  average  and  then  set  a  durned 
great  bull-dog  on  me." 


The  "  gentle  reader"  is  supposed  to  be  one  that 
doesn't  get  on  his  ear  and  swear  whenever  the 
newspaper  man  is  lucky  enough  to  get  a  full-page 
advertisement. 


A  Chicago  girl  attempted  to  walk  over  the  big 
bridge  in  New  York  the  other  day,  but  failed. 
They  will  have  to  widen  the  bridge. 

A  snow-white  hen  in  Arkansas  hatched  out  five 
black  chickens,  and  killed  every  one  of  them  after 
they  left  the  shell.  She  didn't  want  the  other 
hens  to  eye  her  suspiciously  and  talk  about  her. 


The  color  called  crushed  strawberry  is  said  to  be 
a  new  shade,  but  it  isn't.  Ever  since  America 
began  distilling  whisky  some  men's  noses  have  worn 
that  identical  hue. 


The  donkey  never  suffers  from  softening  of  the 
brayin'. 


THE    WAS0 


SATUKDAY, 


JUNE    30,    1883. 


PUBLISHED    EVERT  SATURDAY,    AT  540  AND  643  CALI- 
FORNIA   ST.,   BELOW    KEARNY,    BY 
E.    C.    M ACFARLANE    &    CO., 
Proprietors  and  Publishers. 

TERMS  TO  SUBSCRIBERS : 

One  copy,  one  year,  or  52  numbers $5  00 

One  copy,  six  months,  or  26  numbera 2  50 

One  copy  for  thirteen  weeks 125 

Postage  free  to  all  parta  of  the  United  States,  Canada 
and  British  Columbia. 

The  country  trade  supplied  by  the  San  Francisco  News 
Company. 

All  Postmasters  ara  authorized  to  take  subscriptions 
for  the  Wasp,  payable  invariably  in  advance. 

The  following  agents  are  authorized  to  receive  subscrip- 
tions and  advertisements  for  the  "Wasp  :  In  Merced, 
Fresno,  Tulare  and  Kern  counties,  Capt.  J.W.  A.  Wright. 
J>.  G.  Waldron,  General  Traveling  Agent. 

No  questionable  advertisements  inserted  in  this  journal. 

By  the  way  of  compounding  for  sins  they  are 
inclined  to  by  damming  those  they  have  no  mind 
to,  the  Supervisors  have  set  their  faces  like  a  flint 
against  the  policy  of  under-assessing  corporations 
on  their  franchises.  Precisely  what  constitutes 
underassessment,  or  over-assessinent, or  just  assess- 
ment of  a  franchise  they  clearly  do  not  know,  for 
each  one  of  them  has  a  dark  and  divided  mind  a3 
to  what  is  a  franchise.  In  raising  the  assessments 
on  this  mysterious  property  some  four-and-a-half 
millions  of  dollars  they  simply  followed  with  in- 
fantile trust  the  guidance  of  their  own  sweet  wills. 
Had  they  preferred  to  double  their  figures  they 
could  have  given  just  as  valid  reasons  for  the  in- 
crease as  they  can  for  the  sum  actually  agreed  on. 
The  taxation  of  the  franchise  of  a  corporation  is  all 
right.  It  is  required  by  the  constitution  and  justi- 
fied by  reason,  for  corporations  have  many  privil- 
eges that  the  law  withholds  from  private  persons. 
A  corporation  may  be  sued  ;  we  have  seen  that  it 
may  be  taxed  ;  but  it  cannot  be  hanged,  impris- 
oned or  kicked.  It  can  take  private  property  for 
its  uses.  It  can  tear  up  our  streets  or  lay  a  double 
track  across  the  green  graves  of  our  sires.  It  can 
destroy  the  value  of  property  contiguous  to  its 
multitude  of  necessary  nuisances.  These  privileges 
are  worth  money.  In  many  instances  the  entire 
wealth  of  the  corporation  enjoying  them  rests  upon 
them  as  a  basis.  What  would  be  the  value  of  the 
stock  of  a  water  company  that  was  not  permitted 
lay  its  pipes  through  private  property  ;  of  a  gas 
company  that  had  not  the  right  to  afflict  our  babies 
with  diphtheria  by  disturbing  the  earth  that  the 
leakage  of  its  own  pipes  has  penetrated  with 
plagues  ;  of  a  railroad  company  that  was  restrain- 
ed from  digging  up  our  dead  ?  The  tax  is  a  just 
tax,  but  how  should  it  be  assessed  ?  Probably  the 
nearest  approach  to  a  practical  solution  of  this 
interesting  problem  is  to  be  found  in  a  firm  and 
relentless  application  of  the  rule  of  cinch. 

In  connection  with  the  trial  of  Lieutenant-Colonel 
Montgomery  Bryant  by  court-martial,  we  note  a 
disposition  on  the  part  of  our  contemporaries  to 
indulge  their  minds  in  sly  sneers  at  that  gallant 
but  .apparently  objectionable  gentleman's  judges, 
and  at  courts-martial  generally.  No  doubt  the 
somewhat  stiff  and  punctilious  methods  of  military 
official  etiquette  are  fair  game  for  the  frisky  humor 
of  Funny  Dog  Pickering,  Gamboling  Colt  Fitch 
and  Puss  Pixley,  but  it  is  true  none  the  less  that 
the  court-martial  is  about  the  last  refuge  of  justice 
in  the  country.  There  is  no  other  tribunal  in 
which  tricks  and  quibbles  are  of  no  avail.  The 
court-martial  is  not  the  happy  hunting  ground  of 


I 


the  lawyer;  he  is  not  at  home  there  ;  his  surround 
ings  are  uncongenial.  He  feels,  if  admitted  at  all, 
that  he  is  there  on  sufferance,  and  has  got  to  be- 
have as  much  like  a  human  being  as  he  can.  He 
may  point  out  as  many  flaws  in  the  charges  and 
specifications  as  there  are  lines,  including  faulty 
grammar,  ill-spelling  and  typographical  errors,  but 
it  will  do  his  client  no  good.  He  may  except  to 
rulings  and  object  to  testimony,  but  the  ruling  will 
stand  if  it  seem  just,  and  the  testimony  be  admit- 
ted if  it  seem  to  throw  any  light  upon  the  matter 
in  hand.  The  functions  of  judge  and  jury  being 
combined,  the  judges  are  not  afraid  to  let  the  jury 
know  the  whole  truth,  and  give  it  such  weight  as 
it  may  seem  to  merit.  Under  the  comprehensive 
charge  of  "conduct  unbecoming  an  officer  and  a 
gentleman, "  a  man  can  be  tried  by  a  court-martial 
for  offenses  not  otherwise  ' '  statutory. "  It  gathers 
them  all  in — the  fellow  who  eats  with  his  knife, 
the  wretch  who  chews  a  tooth-pick,  the  malefactor 
with  a  scarlet  neck-tie,  and  the  traitor  who  blows 
his  nose  with  his  fingers.  The  advantage  of  such 
a  drag-net  in  civil  law  is  too  obvious  to  require 
statement.  We  favor  a  statute  making  it  a  felony 
to  be  guilty  of  conduct  unbecoming  a  civilian  and 
a  gentleman. 

It  will  not  do— it  really  Will  Not  Do.  Not  only 
has  the  penitence  of  Commissioners  Carpenter  and 
Humphreys  come  too  late,  but  it  has  taken  the  form 
of  an  insult  to  the  public  understanding.  The 
principle  upon  which  they  have  made  "  a  material 
reduction"  in  fares  gives  a  maximum  of  "material" 
and  a  minimum  of  "reduction."  There  is  neither 
honesty  nor  the  appearance  of  honesty  in  their 
schedule.  The  man-a-month  who  travels  on  their 
snake- head  railroad  between  Jayhawk  and  Tiptop 
is  to  pay  six  cents  a  mile  instead  of  ten,  but  the 
multudinous  passenger  who  swarms  along  the  line 
between  any  two  populous  towns  is  unaffected. 
And  this  diaphanous  trick  Commissioner  Carpenter 
— with  whom  may  the  devil  fly  freely  away — calls  a 
reduction  of  thirteen  to  sixty  per  cent.  Commis- 
sioner Humphreys — may  he  be  smitten  with  an  in- 
testinal pang — has  been  good  enough  to  promise 
that  if  at  the  end  of  a  month  from  the  adoption  of 
the  new  rates  he  discovers  that  the  Railroad  can 
endure  some  more  of  the  same  kind  of  medicine  he 
will  stand  by  to  administer  it.  It  is  open  to  doubt, 
however,  if  at  the  end  of  a  month  Mr.  Humph- 
reys will  be  holding  the  spoon ;  it  is  more  likely 
that  he  will  be  biting  it  an  1  sputtering  out  the 
medicine  that  is  thrust  into  his  own  ailing  carcass  by 
the  ungentle  hands  of  a  multitude  of  doctors.  We 
have  the  happiness  to  suggest  for  the  better  moral 
health  of  him  and  his  co-patient  the  following  ad- 
ditonal  prescription  : 

Tar, Ten  pints. 

Feathers, One  pound. 

Fence-rail, Twelve  feet. 

For  external  application  ;  the  last  ingredient  to  be 
applied  where  it  will  do  the  most  good. 

We  frequently  receive  letters — usually  anonym- 
ous as  to  authorship  and  incurably  ill  as  to  gram- 
mar— menacing  us  with  the  loss  of  many  thousands 
of  subscribers  and  most  of  our  advertising  patron- 
age, if  we  persist  in  our  wicked  and  unpatriotic 
course  of  satirizing  the  vices  and  follies  of  our  own 
countrymen.  It  appears  to  be  assumed  by  the 
good  people  who  favor  us  with  these  cheerful  warn- 
ings that  a  journal  of  satire  published  in  Califor- 
nia should  chiefly  concern  itself  with  the  affairs  of 
Patagonia,  the  Argentine  Republic,  Lapland,  or 
some  foreign  country  upon  the  good-will  of  whose 
people  the  paper  is  not  dependent  for  support ;  that 
an  American  ill -humorist  should  unbottle  his 
plagues  elsewhere  than  in  his  "  ain  countree," 
tempering  the  wind  of  his  disapproval  to  the  shorn 
lambs  of  Columbia  (the  gem   of    the   ocean)  and 


roaring  his  blameless  compatriots  as  gently  as 
any  sucking  dove.  We  beg  leave  to  dissent  from 
this  view.  We  do  not  know  as  much  about  this 
business  of  running  a  weekly  newspaper  as  our 
anonymous  and  imperfectly  grammatical  critics 
who  hold  the  destinies  of  the  Wasp  in  their  pre- 
sumably unclean  hands,  but  we  seem  to  have  ob- 
served that  all  the  successful  journals  of  the  world 
are  addicted  to  the  discussion,  chiefly,  of  the  affairs 
of  the  people  among  whom  they  are  published,  and 
by  whom  they  are  supported,  and  it  is  with  such 
subjects  that  we  propose  to  deal  ourselves.  If 
sometimes  it  should  happen  to  be  a  rougher  deal 
than  the  supersensitive  patriot  can  endure ;  if  some- 
times we  lay  the  lash  upon  his  sore  spots  with  so 
ungentle  a  kindness  that  he  deems  it  expedient  to 
spare  himself  further  aifliction,  we  have  the  honor 
to  suggest  that  he  may  at  least  save  himself  the 
expense  of  postage  stamps  by  not  bothering  us 
with  letters  about  it. 

One  of  the  most  highly  esteemed  of  our  many 
highly  esteemed  contemporaries  advocates  the 
formation  of  a  company  whose  business  it  shall  be 
to  furnish  bonds  for  public  officers,  charging  of 
course  a  premium.  The  premium  suggested  is  one 
per  cent,  of  the  amount  of  the  bond  ;  but  as  that 
seems  a  little  high  (in  the  case  of  Mr.  Dods,  of 
Oakland,  it  would  have  amounted  to  $2,400  a  year, 
and  his  salary  was  only  $1,800)  our  contemporary 
sagaciously  suggests,  that  "  if  necessary,  salaries 
could  be  slightly  increased."  A  simpler  plan, 
which  would  amount  to  practically  the  same  thing, 
would  be  for  the  nation,  state,  county  or  city  to 
pay  the  premium  itself.  There  is  something  prac- 
tical in  this  plan.  In  requiring  bonds  the  state 
really  does  no  more  than  insure  the  money  that  is 
to  pass  into  the  hands  of  the  official,  but  as  it  pays 
no  premium  it  can  hardly  expect  to  recover  any- 
thing on  its  policy.  At  any  rate  it  never  does  re- 
cover ;  even  a  government  cannot  subvert  the  great 
commercial  truth  that  one  gets  nothing  for  noth- 
ing. Of  course  the  company  insuring  should  have 
at  all  times  the  right  to  examine  the  accounts  of 
the  official  whose  fidelity  it  undertakes  to  be  re- 
sponsible for.  One  serious  disadvantage  of  the 
plan  would  be  the  exclusion  from  public  life  of 
men  having  such  bad  records  that  no  respectable 
and  responsible  company  would  take  a  risk  on 
them  ;  and  there  are  not  enough  of  the  other  sort 
to  fill  the  offices.  But  "  if  necessary  "  (to  take  a 
hint  from  our  contemporary)  "the  number  of 
offices  could  be  slightly  reduced." 


The  Administration  has  taken  a  step  which  every 
right-minded  patriot  will  severely  condemn.  The 
Secretary  of  the  Treasury,  it  appears,  has  tele- 
graphed instructions  to  the  Collector  of  the  port 
of  New  York  requiring  that  functionary  to  reship 
to  Queenstown  the  "  assisted  emigrants  "  that  are 
being  dumped  upon  our  shores  by  the  British  muni- 
cipal authorities,  instigated,  no  doubt,  by  the 
Queen.  The  newspapers  demand  that  the  Govern- 
ment send  them  back,  and  the  Government  has 
weakly  yielded.  This  is  most  unwise ;  the  ' l  assisted 
emigrant "  is  not  pretty  to  see  nor  sweet  to  smell, 
but  he  has  in  him  the  making  of  a  most  industri- 
ous and  persistent  voter.  He  is  vicious,  lazy  and 
lousy,  but  he  is  a  man  and  brother,  and  of  such  is 
the  republic  of  heaven.  He  will  not  assist  to  sub- 
due the  forest  or  reclaim  the  wilderness,  but  he 
and  his  female  and  young  help  to  swell  the  decen- 
nial census  of  which  every  true  American  is  so 
justly  proud.  In  short,  these  people  are  strik- 
ingly similar  to  all  the  other  immigrants  landed  at 
Castle  Garden  to  govern  the  country  of  their  adop- 
tion, and  their  exclusion  would  be  as  illogical  an 
infraction  of  American  tradition  as  it  was  to  shut 
the  gates  of  industrial  prosperity  and  political  pre- 
ferment on  John  Chinaman. 


THE    WASP. 


P  RATT  L  E 


It  is  related  in  a  recent  dispatch  that  the  editor 
of  a  Liberal  journal  in  Bolivia  having  had  the  in- 
discretion to  publish  a  powerful  article  in  advocacy 
of  peace,  was  seized  by  order  of  the  President  of 
that  Republic,  had  his  eats  bored  and  was  then 
"  dressed  in  a  suit  of  coarse  cloth."  The  regret  of 
our  esteemed  contemporary  in  parting  with  the 
purple  and  Hue  linen  proper  to  his  profession  must 
have  been  profound  and  touching,  and  I  should 
suppose  the  President  would  have,  in  some  of  his 
calmer  moments,  singularly  painful  reflections  con 
cerning  his  part  in  this  most  reprehensible  act  of 
"  wild  justice."  He  can  hardly  fail  to  perceive 
that  it  has  given  needless  occasion  to  the  Liberal 
press  to  "  stigmatize  ""  him  as  a  "  tiend  in  human 
Bhape." 


No  doubt  the  Bolivian  newspapers  will  charitably 
withhold  the  utterance  of  their  feelings  until  after 
the  end  of  the  erring  President's  term  of  office  ; 
our  own,  I  observe  with  satisfaction,  have  already 
expressed  with  groat  freedom  their  sense  of  the 
impropriety  of  boring  the  editorial  ear  and  clothing 
the  editorial  body  in  coarse  raiment.  To  its  con- 
demnation of  these  acts,  the  Chronicle  adds  the 
melancholy  information  that  this  is  "  the  sort  of 
treatment  that  Bismarck  would  like  to  inflict  on 
the  journalists  of  Europe,"  and  that  "General  Sher- 
man and  many  other  army  officers  would  not  be 
averse  to  in  this  country."  Of  Bismarck  this  is 
just  what  might  be  expected  from  his  brutally 
supercilious  manner  toward  the  American  hog  ; 
but  it  is  sad  to  think  that  General  Sherman  and 
any  considerable  number  of  his  gallant  subordinates 
cherish  a  wicked  ambition  to  mar  that  masterpiece 
of  creation  and  perfectest  work  of  God,  the  Ameri- 
can editorial  ear. 


Down  in  Tucson,  the  other  day,  they  gave  an 
"ovation"  and  "banquet"  to  General  Crook, 
whereat  was  shown  by  frightful  example  the  fallacy 
of  the  notion,  dear  to  "literary  committees,"  that 
you  can  make  a  man  a  poet  by  appointing  him  one. 
The  appointed  poet  of  this  occasion  was  the  hence- 
forth illustrious  C.  D.  Poston,  two  of  whose  noble 
stanzas  I  cannot  forbear  to  quote.  After  "  hailing 
the  chief  "  who  comes  "  to  rest  in  the  shade  of  our 
trees  by  our  fountains  " — Arizona  having,  it  will 
be  perceived  with  surprise,  more  than  one  of  each — 
the  bard  continues  : 

The  eagles  have  kissed  with  their  beaks  in  the  air, 
And  Nations  fraternal  have  joined  in  the  war, 

To  hunt  the  Apache  in  his  mountainous  lair, 
And  rid  the  fair  valleys  of  his  treacherous  scar. 

That  funny  business  of  the  eagles  cracking  their 
kissers  together  in  the  air  is  about  as  lucid  a  fancy 
as  any  poet  has  whacked  up  since  Hector  Stuart 
Boared  to  the  conception  of  a  gilt-edged  grasshop- 
per in  session  on  a  sweet-potato  vine ;  but  the 
Postonese  notion  of  a  "treacherous  scar"  is  in- 
volved in  a  cloud  of  doubt  as  impenetrable  to  con- 
jecture as  a  bucket  of  soap  to  the  light  of  a  new 
tin  pan. 


Like  the  sweetest  song  of  the  swan,  Mr.  Poston 's 
finest  note  is  the  last  he  sings.  Like  the  swan,  he 
probably  died  of  it.  Here  it  has  the  condescension 
to  be  : 

All  hail  to  the  Chief  who  accepts  this  ovation 
To  honor  the  grandest  achievement  of  arms, 

Ere  long  he  may  be  the  chief  of  the  nation. 
The  people  will  then  be  free  from  all  harm. 

If  that  did  not  soften  the  sturdy  warrior  to  a 
sense  of  the  poet's  probable  merit  as  a  cabinet 
officer,  I  hope  it  at  least  established  on  a  rock-like 
basis  that  gentleman's  claim  to  the  executive  caat- 


00  clothing.  Whether  it  is  desirable  for  the  people 
to  secure  immunity  from  all  harm  by  electing  t" 
the  Presidency  a  man  under  so  deep  an  obligation 
to  the  Poston  person  is  a  matter  worthy  of  attentive 
consideration.  I  fear  he  would  squander  the  na- 
tional revenue  in  purchasing  the  fellow  a  measure- 
less multitude  of  rhyming  dictionaries  and  a  shore- 
less sea  of  machines  for  automatically  counting 
syllables. 


Our  Committee  on  Literary  Exercises  for  the 
coming  celebration  has,  1  am  told,  followed  the 
hoary  tradition  of  selecting  by  lot  a  "  Poet  of  the 
Day  "  from  a  panel  of  citizens  drag-netted  by  a 
writ  of  venire,  The  unlucky  man  is  Mr.'  Severance, 
a  gentleman  who  I  trust  is  as  luminous  with  the 
light  of  poetic  genius  as  Mr.  Poston,  though  I  con- 
fess myself  criminally  unfamiliar  with  his  work, 
and  at  least  one  member  of  the  committee  that  in- 
vented him  is  unable  to  enlighten  my  darkness. 
No  doubt,  though,  when  Mr.  Severance  bursts  into 
song  I  shall  recognize  his  yawp  as  that  of  a  veteran 
favorite  who  twanged  the  fairy  fiddle-strings  of  his 
tuneful  larynx  upon  the  slopes  of  Parnassus  ageB 
and  ages  ago.  I  hope  he  will  turn  out  to  be  a 
short-meter  poet  ;  the  long-meter  chaps  always 
seem  to  me  to  damn  us  with  an  inferior  quality  of 
poetic  tire.     I  like  it  short,  hot  and  decisive. 

Seriously,  I  know  of  nothing  that  is  at  once  so 
absurd  in  itself  and  so  insulting  to  literature  as 
this  annual  farce  of  appointing  a  Fourth  of  July 
"  poet  "  in  utter  disregard  of  his  ability  to  write 
poetry.  It  confirms  the  unlearned  in  the  error 
that  any  kind  of  rhyme  is  poetry,  and  brings  the 
noble  name  of  poet  into  contempt  and  derision. 
We  have  but  one  poet  now  in  California  (and  an 
illiterate  blackguard  named  Trefethen  is  now  trying 
to  deprive  her  of  her  bread  to  gorge  his  own  kin) 
for  God  does  not  bestow  many  in  a  century  ;  but 
in  the  absence  of  poets  can  we  not  dispense  with 
poetry  '?  Must  we  be  crazed  with  the  Lt  creaking 
coupletB  "  of  rhyme-smiths  who  to  the  terrors  of 
their  verses  add  the  horrors  of  their  elocution, 
and  not  content  with  burlesquing  letters  make 
patriotism  odious  '.  Why  should  we  have  a  Fourth 
of  July  "  poem  "  1 — we  do  not  open  a  case  of 
Fourth  of  July  rattlesnakes  nor  unseal  a  nest  of 
Fourth  of  July  hornets. 


This  pistol  is  a  toy 

You  perceive,  my  little  boy  ; 
But  yon  coffin— that  is  genuine, 
And  that's  what  they  will  pen  you  in. 

The  weapon  is  so  small 
It  will  hardly  hold  the  ball  ; 
But  the  grave  out  there  is  deep  enough 
To  hold  you  till  you've  sleep  enough. 

So  fire  away,  my  lad, 
For  to-day  the  nation's  glad  ; 
But  to-morrow  at  the  coroner's 
There'll  be  more  Yanks  than  foreigners. 

0  the  Fourth  is  all  my  eye, 

And  our  liberty's  a  lie. 
When  reason  has  exploded  it 
God  help  the  man  that  loaded  it  ! 


The  Railroad's  services  do  not  consist  wholly  in 
developing  the  country  ;  on  Monday  last  one  of  its 
engines  crushed  a  milkman.  The  spot  will  be  long 
pointed  out  to  the  mariner. 


Mr.  James  Dods,  of  Oakland,  who  had  the  mis- 
fortune to  steal  forty  thousand  dollars  wickedly 
persists  in  making  no  defense  in  court.  He  says 
he  had  had  all  the  trouble  of  taking  the  money  and 
he  does  not  propose  to  divide  it  with  the  lawyers. 
Mr.  Dods  overlooks  one  circumstance  ;  it  is  true 
the  lawyers  did  not  assist  him  to  take  the  money 


but  they  would  have  done  so  if  he  had  asked  thorn. 
They  have  the  same  claim  to  a  portion  of  his  earn- 
ings that  the  licensed  pilots  have  to  half-pilotage 
from  a  ship  which  declines  their  aid  in  entering 
our  harbor. 


That  distinguished  publicist,  Mr.  DenniB  Kear- 
ney, is  i  n  route  to  the  national  anti-monopoly  con- 
vention in  Chicago.  Mr.  Kearney  was  detained  at 
Ogden  in  Utah  nearly  an  hour,  and  this  period  he 
characteristically  devoted  to  study  of  the  Mormons, 
of  whom  he  says  that  their  polygamy  is  preferable 
to  the  venality  at  Washington.  That  may  be  true, 
but  the  venality  addresses  the  sympathies  of  a 
large  class  of  voters  who  have  an  icy  disinclination 
to  the  other  vice  ;  it  is  therefore  moBt  consistent 
with  the  spirit  of  practical  politics  to  stamp  out 
polygamy  first,  and  in  doing  so  the  Government 
has  now  been  engaged  for  twenty  or  thirty  years. 
The  anti-polygamy  issue  resembles  the  famishing 
hunter's  dinner  of  gum  boot — "  it  isn't  very  tillin' 
but  there's  a  heap  o'  chaw  in  it." 


JUST    SO. 


San  Francisco,  June  #5,  188S. 
To  the  Editor  of  thk  Wasp. — In  your  issue  of 
last  Saturday  I  saw  an  allusion  to  me  and  my 
pictures.  You  say  they  may  be  good.  I  tell  you 
sure,  they  are  good.  I  am  going  to  exhibit  them 
here  and  you  can  come  and  see  them,  and  you  will 
say  they  are  good.  I  do  "  spell  my  name  odd," 
but  if  you  have  room  for  me  I  would  like  to  super- 
intend the  Divolls  in  your  office.     Very  truly  yours, 

J.  G.  Dtvoll. 


"  There  are  certain  positions  in  the  government 
service,"  Bays  the  Call,  "  for  which,  when  a 
vacancy  is  announced,  a  rush  occurs."  The  Call 
eujoys  the  distinction  of  astonishing  us  !  Surely 
it  must  have  been  misinformed  about  this  thing. 
The  writer  has  observed  a  great  many  applications 
for  vacancies,  but  never  anything  like  a  rush.  In 
fact  there  have  generally  been  so  many  applicants 
ahead  of  him  that  the  rush  was  invisible  from  the 
tail  of  the  procession. 


A  Berious  young  woman  of  Visalia  sent  for  her 
pastor  and  said  that  she  was  about  to  die.  The 
Berious  young  woman  wanted  to  be  prayed  with. 
On  being  asked  what  was  the  matter  with  her,  she 
explained  that  her  dead  sister  had  appeared  to  her 
in  a  dream  and  warned  her  that  her  days  were 
numbered-  "  How  was  the  vision  dressed?"  in- 
quired the  man  of  God.  "  All  in  white,"  said  the 
girl,  "  with  a  golden  crown  on  her  head,  and  bear- 
ing a  harp."  "  Then  it  wasn't  your  siBter,"  coldly 
remarked  the  parson,  skipping  out.  Then  the  girl 
remembered  that  the  dear  departed  had  once  jilted 
the  good  man. 


A  man  living  on  Stockton  street  has  a  favorite 
dog  which  had  the  imprudence  to  match  itself 
against  a  street  car  and  the  bad  luck  to  be  defeated 
with  the  loss  of  a  foreleg.  Its  owner  has  fitted  it 
with  a  crutch  which  it  uses  with  rare  dexterity  and 
grace.  Our  fellow  citizens  of  Stockton  street  and 
the  vicinity  have  a  pardonable  local  pride  in  this 
dog,  but  the  outlying  precincts  look  upon  the  crea- 
ture with  cold  disfavor,  suspecting  that  it  is  on  the 
pension  list  aB  a  veteran  of  the  civil  war. 


Colonel  John  McCaull,  the  manager,  was  asked 
the  other  day  in  New  York  how  he  liked  San  Fran- 
cisco. "  Well,"  he  replied,  "  Frisco  is  a  city  of 
about  250,000  inhabitants,  80,000  of  whom  are 
Chinamen.  You  can  readdy  understand  the 
chance  for  a  manager  there.  But  I  did  a  good 
deal  more  than  other  managers  have  done.  I  took 
fifty  people  there  and  brought  them  all  home 
again.     See,  they  are  on  the  stage  now. " 


A  man  waB  looking  at  a  photographer's  display 
of  pictures  the  other  day,  when  he  suddenly  uttered 
an  exclamation  of  surprise.  "  What  is  it  ?  "  in- 
quired a  friend  eagerly.  "  Look  at  that  !  "  cried 
the  first  man,  pointing;  "there's  a  picture  of 
Charley  Crocker  with  his  hand  in  his  own  pocket !" 


THE    WASP 


THE     KISS-BLISS     BARDESS, 


fFrom  some  recent  poems  of  Ella  Wheeler  the  New  York  Sus  has 
got  together  the  following  lines  about  kisses  and  blisses  which  it 
reprints  as  here  given  and  dismisses  poor  Ella  with  the  simple 
comment,  "  Fie  !— and  faugh  !  "] 

In  the  embrace  where  madness  melts  in  bliss, 
And  in  the  convulsive  rapture  of  a  kiss — 
Thus  does  love  speak. 

Oh,  then,  is  the  time  when  most  I  miss  you, 
And  I  swear  by  the  stars  and  my  soul  and  say 

That  I  will  have  you  and  hold  you  and  kiss  you, 
Though  the  whole  world  stands  in  the  way. 

How  has  it  been  since  we  drunk  that  last  kiss 
That  was  bitter  with  lees  of  the  wasted  wine  ; 

When  the  tattered  remains  of  a  threadbare  bliss, 
And  the  wornout  shreds  of  a  joy  divine, 

With  a  year's  best  dreams  and  hopes  were  cast 

Into  the  ragbag  of  the  past  ? 

Have  you  thought  the  better  of  that  last  kiss, 
Better  than  sweets  of  a  latter  bliss  ?  . 

There  is  nothing  my  soul  lacks  or  misses 
As  I  clasp  the  dream  shape  to  my  breast ; 

In  the  passion  and  pain  of  her  kisses 
Life  blooms  to  her  richest  and  best. 

In  the  joy  of  your  shy,  sweet  kisses, 

Your  pulsing  touch  and  your  languid  sigh, 

I  am  filled  and  tlyilled  with  better  blisses 
Than  ever  were  claimed  for  souls  on  high. 

She  was  made  out  of  laughter  and  sweet  kisses  ; 
Her  soul  spilled  over  with  its  wealth  of  blisses. 

For  just  one  kiss  that  your  lips  have  given 
In  the  lost  and  beautiful  past  to  me, 

I  would  gladly  barter  my  hopes  of  Heaven 
And  all  the  bliss  of  Eternity. 

Like  gall  the  wine  sipped  from  the  sacred  chalice 
Shall  taste  to  one  who  knew  my  red  mouth's  bliss  ; 

When  Youth  and  Beauty  dwelt  in  Love's  own  palace, 
And  life  flowed  on  in  one  eternal  kiss. 


THERE     IS     BLOOD    ON    THE     MOON. 


At  the  time  we  write,  two  Virginia  editors  are 
on  the  uttermost  ultimate  verge  of  destroying  each 
other.  For  six  days  past,  or  so,  the  wires  have 
been  humming  with  accounts  of  the  gory-minded 
determination  of  each  of  these  gentlemen  to  sweep 
utterly  from  the  face  of  this  terrestrial  globe,  the 
oath-calcined  all-that-there-is-of-him  of  the  other 
fellow.  They  seem  to  have  been  pretty  well  posted 
as  to  each  other's  movements,  since  one,  with  his 
red-eyed  seconds,  has  generally  been  scouring 
western  Virginia  while  the  other  was  invariably 
hunting  the  violator  of  his  honor  in  the  eastern 
portion  of  that  chivalrous  state.  It  is  evident  that 
these  editors  mean  business,  and  it  makes  us  sad  to 
think  that  they  should  thus  disregard  the  divine 
command  to  turn  the  other  cheek  when  the  nearest 
one  is  struck.  It  is,  however,  quite  possible  that 
the  average  editor  doesn't  know  when  the  first 
smite  is  smotten,  or  it  may  be  that  the  smiter  so 
hurts  his  hand  that  he  doesn't  care  to  take  advan- 
tage of  a  second  blow.  According  to  latest  accounts 
the  Virginia  journalists  are  making  for  each  other 
in  hot  haste,  not  from,  but  toward  the  opposite 
ends  of  the  compass,  and  the  world,  having  spoken 
of  the  matter  so  much,  is  holding  a  very  bad 
breath  pending  the  result. 

P.  S.  The  above  remarks  go  to  press  rather 
early,  and  at  the  rate  the  belligerents  are  now  run- 
ning away  from  each  other  they  may  meet  on  the 
other  side  of  the  globe  and  really  suffer  by  the 
collision — in  which  case  our  prayers  will  not  have 
been  unanswered.  But  we  never  were  firm  be- 
lievers in  the  efficacy  of  prayer. 


THE    CURSE    OF    GUITEAU, 


A  blood-curdling  paragraph  has  for  some  time 
past  been  going  the  rounds  of  the  press  to  the  effect 
that  the  curse  which  Guiteau  so  solemnly  pro- 
nounced upon  all  those  who  testified  against  him 
is  having  its  effect  at  an  appalling  rate.  Full  de- 
tails are  given,  We  are  told  in  mysterious  typo- 
graphical whispers  that  the  mother-in-law  of  one 
principal  witness  was  bitten  by  a  mad  dog  and  died 


spitting  soapsuds,  after  many  hours  of  hideously 
horrible  agony.  The  second  cousin  of  another 
witness  made  an  unlucky  venture  in  stocks,  and 
melted  into  the  circumambient  with  the  funds  of 
the  bank  he  cashiered.  A  third  witness  was  be- 
reaved of  a  rich  old  aunt  who  was  his  sole  relative 
in  this  world.  She  left  him  all  she  had,  and  at 
the  funeral  he  was  "  heard  audibly"  (this  is  from 
the  Call)  to  giggle  hysterically,  as  with  the  regula- 
tion "  dull,  sickening  thud  "  the  clods  fell  upon 
the  "last  remains  "of  that  dear  form  which  his 
unswerving  affection  caused  him  to  love  even  more 
when  in  the  cold  embrace  of  death  than  when  it 
throbbed  and  bristled  and  refused  remittances  in 
the  full  blush  and  bloom  of  tabbyhood.  A  fourth 
witness  skinned  his  shin  while  getting  off  an  Oak- 
land train  in  motion,  and  got  only  i§5,000  damages. 
This  heajed  his  hide,  but  his  feelings  don't  seem  to 
have.been  considered.  It  is  needless  to  multiply 
Instances,  but  ' '  it  may  not  be  out  of  place  to  re- 
mark "  that  a  witness  who  was  very  pronouncedly 
against  Mr.  Guiteau  was  run  over  three  days  after 
the  execution  by  a  railroad  train.  He  was  under 
a  railroad  bridge,  however. 


AN     «  ENJOYABLE    OCCASION," 


Following  the  custom  that  every  trade  should 
have  its  annual  convention,  says  a  New  York  jour- 
nal, the  undertakers  of  this  state  met  at  Saratoga 
last  week.  The  meeting  is  said  to  have  been  a 
delightfully  mournful  one,  and  the  assembled  un- 
dertakers no  doubt  enjoyed  themselves  satisfactor- 
ily, though,  of  course,  sadly. 

The  business  meeting  of  the  convention  appears 
to  have  been  principally  occupied  with  discussing 
and  denouncing  the  heartless  conduct  of  men  not 
professedly  undertakers  who  sell  undertakers 
materials  at  a  ruinously  low  price.  So  far  as  the 
public  can  judge,  there  is  a  fear  among  undertakers 
that  people  will  in  time  begin  to  undertake  for 
themselves.  If  a  sorrowing  widower  can  buy  a 
coffin  and  aU  the  other  tilings  necessary  for  a 
funeral  at  a  low  rate,  he  may  bury  his  own  wife  at 
a  cost  greatly  lower  than  that  at  which  any  under- 
taker could  afford  to  bury  her.  Of  course,  the 
undertakers  do  not  look  at  the  matter  of  funerals 
in  any  sordid  way,  but  as  artists  they  cannot  with- 
out pain  think  of  a  home-made  funeral  conducted 
without  a  particle  of  the  professional  grief  and 
skillful  sorrow  which  only  an  experienced  under- 
taker can  infuse  into  the  ceremony. 

After  the  business  meeting  the  undertakers 
witnessed  an  embalming  clinic — if  it  may  be  so 
styled.  An  em  balm  er,  with  the  help  of  a  nude 
subject,  illustrated  his  patent  method  of  embalming. 
Strange  as  it  may  seem,  the  subject  was  a  live  one, 
and  hence  could  have  been  embalmed  only  in  dumb 
show. 

As  soon  as  the  embalming  clinic  was  ended  the 
undertakers  took  a  pleasure  ride  in  forty-two  car- 
riages. As  they  slowly  moved  down  the  street, 
each  undertaker  with  his  handkerchief  to  his  eyes, 
the  scene  was  one  of  appalling  solemnity. 


OUR     BITTER     HALVES. 


On  visiting  a  lunatic  asylum  near  Paris,  Sara 
Bernhardt  took  a  freak  to  do  a  little  rehearsal. 
Arriving  at  an  empty  ceU,  she  proceeded  to  play 
the  lunatic  with  horrible  realism.  She  rolled  on 
the  bed,  shrieked  incoherent  words,  made  frightful 
grimaces,  and  finally  pulled  frantically  at  the  bars 
of  the  window.  It  is  supposed  she  is  ambitious  of 
representing  madness  on  the  stage  more  fearfully 
andwonderfully  than  it  has  been  represented  before. 


What  a  fairy  hand  she  had 
Twenty  years  ago  ; 

Heigh  ho,  heigh  ho  ! 
Like  a  nestling  dove  it  was, 
And  as  white  as  snow, 

Heigh  ho,  heigh  ho  ! 

Now  she's  forty-one  and  fat, 
What  a  change  in  truth  ! 
Heigh  ho,  heigh  ho  ! 
Daphne's  hand  has  grown  so  red- 
Like  a  ham — forsooth. 

Heigh  ho,  heigh  ho  ! 


They've  got  the  "  milking-fever  "  in  France  now, 
and  it  is  nothing  unusual  to  find  cards  of  invita- 
tion to  country-seat  "shivoos  "  headed  with  the 
word  "  Milking."  The  gremdes  dames  flop  about 
in  bewitching  stage  dairy-maidish  costumes,  and 
"  take  well,"  except  when  some  spiteful  old 
"  poley  "  hoists  a  few  of  them  over  the  fence  to 


the  next  allotment,  or  when  some  booby  of  a  calf 
goeB  nosing  about  his  mistress's  heels  in  search  of 
sawdust.  The  cows  are  quite  too  awfully  lovely, 
also,  and  are  decorated  with  roses  and  posies  until 
they  get  a  slant  to  sit  down  and  eat  their  garlands. 


A  middle-aged  lady  applied  to  Mr.  Barnum  for 
the  position  of  circus  manager.  When  ask«d 
about  her  proficiency  she  naively  replied  that  she 
had  been  married  three  times,  and  if  any  one  could 
explain  the  word  circus  she  was  the  person. 


Now,  it  is  said,  the  rage  among  the  haut  ton  is 
to  emulate  "  the  Langtry  nose."  To  do  this  suc- 
cessfully a  nose-machine  has  to  be  used  during  the 
hours  of  sweet  slumber,  for  a  week  or  two.  They 
say  that  the  effects,  as  far  as  snoring  is  concerned, 
are  simply  appalling. 

Upon  reaching  Newport  the  Princess  Louise 
found  that  the  hotel  accommodations  were  not 
sufficiently  stylish  to  suit  a  daughter  of  England's 
Queen,  but  the  landlords  all  say  that  if  she  had 
given  them  two  days'  notice  they  would  have 
painted  a  British  flag  on  the  back  of  every  cock- 
roach. 


This  is  what  a  medical  gentleman,  who  has 
"  been  there  "  before,  and  knows  what  he  is  talk- 
ing about,  says  with  regard  to  kissing  :  "  Promis- 
cuous kissing  has  been  infinitely  more  productive 
of  disease  of  various  kinds  than  the  public  ever 
dream  of,  and  it  is  a  practice  that  should  be  dis- 
countenanced. The  people  should  confine  their 
kissing  propensities  to  members  of  their  own 
families,  and  even  then  it  is  not  always  safe." 
There,  now  !  Perhaps,  after  this,  we  shall  be  left 
in  peace.  And,  by  the  way,  the  doctor  is  quite 
right  in  saying  that  even  the  kissing  of  relatives  is 
is  not  always  safe.  We  have  known  very  queer 
consequences  ensue  from  kissing  a  cousin.  We 
ensued. 


On  Tompky's  birth-day  his  mother-in-law  em- 
braced him,  saying  :  "  I  wish  you  everything  you 
desire."  "  You  are  very  self-sacrificing,"  said  the 
hardened  Tomp. 


A  child  was  born  the  other  day  on  an  overland 
train  and  the  passengers  made  up  a  handsome 
purse  for  the  mother.  The  news  spread  among  the 
ladies  and  a  doctor  has  to  be  employed  regularly 
on  all  trains  now. 


Relic  hunters  are  now  eagerly  competing  for  the 
corset  that  Lady  Florence  Dixie  didn't  have  on 
when  she  wasn't  attacked. 


He  was  a  young  doctor  who  had  long  worshipped 
at  a  distance  ;  she  was  ill,  and  he  was  called  to 
attend  her.  He  felt  her  pulse,  and  said  impress- 
ively :  "  Well,  I  should  prescribe— I  should  pre- 
scribe that — you — get— married. "  "  Oh  goodness," 
said  the  interesting  invalid  ;  t:  who  would  marry 
me,  I  wonder  1  "  "I  would,"  snapped  the  doctor 
with  all  the  voracity  of  a  six-foot  shark.  "  You  '." 
exclaimed  the  maiden.  "  Yes."  "  Well  doctor, 
if  that  is  the  fearful  alternative,  you  can  go  away 
and  let  me  die  in  peace. " 


She  sang  :  "  I  want  to  be  an  angel,"  and  he 
swore  that  she  was  one  one  already.  To  this  she 
blushingly  demurred.  Then  he  married  her.  De- 
murrer sustained. 


An  ingenious  man  has  invented  a  bathing  suit 
that  a  woman  can  wear  without  displaying  her  form 
at  all.     He  hasn't  sold  any  yet. 


A  very  pretty  girl  prevented  a  railway  collision 
by  waving  her  apron.  Had  she  kept  out  of  sight 
the  result  would  have  been  the  same,  for  then 
the  engineer  would  have  been  watching  the  track 
instead  of  looking  at  the  pretty  girl. 


Some  of  the  best  English  jockeys  are  women  ; 
daughters  of  farmers,  or  of  country  squires,  who 
have  lost  their  fortunes.  They  have  been  accus- 
tomed to  ride  to  hounds  from  their  childhood,  are 
perfectly  fearless,  and  their  light  weight  in  the 
saddle  makes  them  desirable  as  jockeys.  Charles 
Kingley's  poem  of  "  Loraine  Loree  "  has  one  of 
these  women  jockeys  for  its  heroine.  By  the  way 
what  is  the  meaning  and  where  the  beauty,  in  this 
poem,  of  the  recurring  line,  "  Barum,  baruin, 
barum,  baruin,  barum,  baree  "  ?  And  is  that  a 
good  way  to  spell  bay  rum  if 


THE     WASP. 


GOLD    QUARTZ    .TEWELRV. 

Euterll  viaitora  intending  to  purchase  California  quarto 
jeweby  should  pay  a  visit  t<>  the  manufacturing  establish* 
nwut  of  Hugh  Mauldin.  208  Sutter  street. 


LYDIA  E.  P8NKH  AIM'S 

VEGETABLE  COMPOUND. 

Is  a  Positive  Cure 


Foi  oil  tho«cPiiliifiil  Complaint*  ana  Weaknesses 

Hit  ciiiumontu  our  beat  female  population. 

A  Ui'iHoino  for  Woni-in.    Invented  by  a  Woman. 

Prepared  i»y  a  Woman. 

The  CrtttMl  31iili.nl  Ufa  row  ry  Sine*  the  Dawn  or  History. 

f3Tlt  revives  the  drooping  spirits,  invigorates  ami 
h-iiinpinizes  the  organic  functlo:is,  gives  elasticity  and 
flrmnc-a  to  the  step,  restores  the  natural  lustre  to  the 
eye,  and  pi  nits  on  the  pale  cheek  of  woman  the  fresh 
rosea  ■■(  life's  spring  and  early  summer  time. 
t^~Physicians  Use  It  and  Prescribe  It  Freely  *=®9 

It  removes  faiotnesa,  flatulency,  destroys  all  craving 
tor  stimulant,  and  relieves  weakness  of  the  stomach. 

Tlint  feeling  of  bearing  down,  causing  pain,  weight 

and  backache,  is  always  permanently  cured  by  its  use. 

For  the  cure  or"  Kidney  Complaints  of  either  sex 

this  Compound  In  unsurpassed. 

LYDIA  E.  PIMXnASTS  BLOOD   PURIFIER 

will  eradicate  every  vestige  of  Humors  from  the 
Bl'iod,  and  t.rive  tone  and  ntn-ngth  io  the  system,  of 
mil  woman  or  child.    Iiinist  on  having  it. 

Both  the  Compound  and  Blood  Purifier  are  prepared 
at  233  and  235  Western  Avenue,  Lynn,  Mass.  Price  of 
either,  SL  Six  bottk-s  for  $5.  Sent  by  mail  in  the  form 
of  pills,  or  of  lozenges,  on  receipt  of  price,  $1  per  box 
for  cither.  Mrs.  Piukham  freely  answers  aft  letters  of 
inquiry.   Enclose 3ct~ stamp.    SendforpamplJet. 

No  family  should  be  without  LTDIA  E.  PINKHAM'S 
LIVER.  PILLS.  Thev  cure  constipation,  biliousness, 
and  torpidity  of  the  liver.    23  cents  per  box. 

ijg-SoId  by  allDruggists.^t*        0) 


S2T  Cares  with  unfailing  certainty 
Nervousand  Physical  Debility.  Vital  Ex- 
haustion) Weakness,  Loss  ol  Manhood  and 
.ill  [he  terrible  results  of  abused  nature,  ex- 
cesses and  ysuthful 


system. 

Permanent  Cures  Guaranteed. 
Price,  5=,50  per  bottle,  or  5  bottles  $10.00 
To  be  had  only  of  Dr.  C.  D.   SALFIELD, 
216  Kearny  Street,  San  Francisco. 

TRIAL  BOTTLE  FREE, 
Sufficient  to  show  its  merit,  "ill  be  sent  to 
anyone  applying  by  letter,  stating  his  symp- 
toms and    age.      Communications  strictly 
confidential. 


KIDNEY- WORT 


IS  A  SURE  CURE 

for  all  diseases  of  the  Kidneys  and 


LIVER 


It  has  specific  action  on  this  most  important 
organ,  enabling  it  to  throw  off  torpidity  and 
inaction,  stimulating  the  healthy  secretion  of 
the  Bile,  and  by  keeping  the  bowels  in  free 
condition,  effecting  its  regular  discharge. 

■  H  .|a|,;a      If  you  aresuffering  from 

iVBCllCtl  Ida  malaria, have  the  chills, 
are  bilious,  dyspeptic,  or  constipated,  Kidney- 
Wort  will  surely  relieve  and  quickly  cexe. 

In  the  Spring  to  cleanse  the  System,  every 
one  should  take  a  thorough  course  of  it. 
11-    SOLD  BY  DRUCCISTS.   Price  $1. 


K5DNEY-WORT 


$72 


A  WEEK.     812  a  day  at  home  easily  made.     Costly  Outfit 
free.     Address  True  &  Co. ,  Augusta,  Maine. 


GREAT 
PACIFIC  COAST  MEDICINE. 

TRY  PFUNDER'S 


TO     THE      UNFORTUNATE 

Dr.  Gibbon's  Dispensary. 


623 


KEARNY  STREET,  SA> 
Francisco—  EwUblb  bed 
In  IBM  for  the  treatment  and  cur«-  o1 
Special  Diseases,  nervous  and  phj  sicnj 
I  ability,  or  diseases  wearing  on  boiij 
mill  mind,  permanently  cured  Tbt 
sick  and  afflicted  should  not  fall  to 
call  upon  Li  in  1 .  The  Doctor  has  tra- 
veled extensively  In  Enrope,  and  Id 
spected  thoroughly  the  various  bos 
pltals  there,  obtaining  a  great  deal  01 
valuable  ftnforaatlon,  which  he  U 
competent  to  Impart  to  those  In  need 
;of  his  services.  DR.  GIBBON  will 
make  no  charge  unlfSB  he  effects  a 
core.  Persons  at  a'distance  may  be  CURED  AT  HUME.  All 
communicatlauB  strictly  confidential.  ChargeB  resonable.  Oall 
or  write.  Address  DR.  J.  F.  GIBBON,  Box  1967,  San  Fran- 
cisco.   Say  yon  saw  this  advertisement  in  the  WASP. 


14,799  Sold  in  1881. 


Kim  wood,    (sHenwood,    Hudson  and   Our  Choice 


nON'T  FAIL  TO  EXAMINE  THE  ELMWOOD,  GLENWOOD, 
^  HUDSON  and  OUR  CHOICE  before  purchasing  a  Range,  as 
they  are  the  latest  improved  patterns  and  made  from  selected 
stock.  The  smoothest  eastings.  The  best  bakers.  Requires  one- 
half  the  fuel  consumed  by  ordinary  Ranges.  Three  sizes  of  each 
Range  ;  twelve  different  styles.  Has  Patent  Elevated  Shelf,  auto- 
matic Oven  Shelf,  patent  Check  Draft,  Broiler  Door,  etc.  For  sale 
at  same  prices  as  common  Ranges.  Every  one  Warranted.  Ask 
your  dealer  for  them. 

W.   S.  RAY  &  CO.,  12  Market  Street. 


ELEGANT  CARRIAGES  &  BUGGIES. 
Studebaker  Bros.  M'f ' g  Co. 

Address  Orders  and   Letters  of    In- 
quiry to : 

201  and  207  MARKET  ST  , 

SAN       FRANCISCO. 


0.  HERRMANN  &  CO. 

<iu.i:im  t.w.    The   Hatter.) 

WILL    GIVE  YOU 

A.    Better    Hat 

For  your  money  than  any  store  on  the  Coast.     Our  stock 
is  the  largest  on  this  slope  to  choose  from,  and  hav- 
ing our  own  Fa-story  we  are  prepared  to  make 
anything  in  the  line  of 

HATS  and  CAPS  to  Order. 
336.       Kearny     Street,       336 

Between    itu-.li    tun!    Pine,  San  Francisco. 

Send  10c.  stamp  for  handsomely  illustrated  catalogue. 


LIVER  AND    KIDNEY   REGULATOR. 

OREGON    BLOOD 


Recommended  by  the  Faculty 
TAR  RANT ' S 

COMPOUND    EXTRACTS 

—   OK    — 

Cubebs   mid   Copaiba 

This  compound  la  superior  i->  any 
/£"  preparation  hitherto  invented,  com 
g  Dining  in  a  very  highly  concentrated 
state  the  medical  properties  »»f  the 
Cubebs  and  Copaiba.  One  n 
mendation  this  preparation  enjoys 
over  all  others  is  its  neat,  portable 
form,  put  up  in  pots  ;  the  mode  in  which  it  may  be  taken 
is  both  pleasant  and  convenient,  being  in  the  form  of  -i 
paste,  tasteless  and  does  not  impair  the  digestion.  Pre- 
pared only  by  TARRANT  &  CO. , 

Druggist  and  Chemists,  278  and  280  Greenwich  street, 
New  York. 


TARRANT  &  CO., 

ind  280  Greenwich  Bt  _  _ 
Fob  Sale  By  All  Druggists. 


ffiti 


Cures  all  pains:  nice  tp   use: 


i.iioi>i:s  a-  CO.,  Druggists,  Sun  .lose,  California. 


LUXURIOUS        BATHS. 


Ed 
- 

Dr.  ZEILE'S  INSTITUTE 

> 

% 

•* 

Established    1858. 

Acknowledged  by  all  the  LARGEST,  AIRIEST 

and  BEST 

IB   -A_   T    s:    s 

* 
SB 

s 

Os  the  Pacific  Coast. 

» 

llltklMI,    RUSSIAN,    STEAM,     SI  trill  1! 

or  oilier    Mertieuled    Baths. 

- 

FOR    LADIES    AND    GENTLEMEN. 

AST  All  on  the  ground  flour  (do  basement),  Nos.  588,  584,  53fi 
and  588  Pacific  Street,  near  Commercial  Hotel,  between 
Kearny  and  Montgomery.  Entrance  through  Carl  Ztjile'a 
Drugstore.  Open  from  7  a.  m.  to  S  n.  m.,  Sundays  till  3  p.  m 
Private  rooms  for  patients. 

N.    B — Dr.  Zeile's  Institute  and  Baths  were  established  in  1852 


&       INSURE    IN    THE     BEST. 

Total  Income  Nearly  Twelve  Million  Dollars.     I'nlil  Io 
Policy    Holders,  over  Seven    Million    Dollars. 


N 


"The   Old    and    Reliable" 

EW    YORK    LIFE 

INSURANCE   COMPANY. 

$£0,560*981.65 
-     $11,494, I43.SO 

Reliable  INSURANCE  at  Lowest  CASH  RATES. 

Those  wishing  a  safe  and  secure    Life  Policy,  at  liberal   terms, 
can  apply  to 

A.  G-   HAWES,  Manager  for  Pacific  Coast. 
280  Sansoni*  Street,       --.-.*-      gan  Francisco. 


Total   Assets, 
Total    Income, 


The  Cocoa  Crop  is  Short 

LOOK  OUT  FOR  AC  ULCERATIONS 
By    Using 

WALTER    BAKER    &  CO.'S 

Chocolate 

You  will  be  Sure  of  Securing  the  Best. 

WW.    T.    COLEMAN    *    CO.,   Sole    Agents. 


CARDS 


New  Styles:  Hold  Jteveled  JS&ge and 
Chromo  Visiting  Cards,  finest  quality, 
largest  variety  and  lowest  prices,  50 

chromos  with  name.  10c,  a  present 

witheachorder.  Clinton  Bros.  &  Co.,  Cllutuuvllle,Cona. 


Sick   Headache  and 
Biliousness     Entirely    Cured. 


PURIFIER! 


See   Local. 


The 


THROWING  OVERB 


^ 


THE  JONAHS. 


10 


THE     WASP. 


SACRAMENTO    ADVERTISERS 


COLUMBUS  BREWERY,  WAHL  &  HOSS,  Jr., 
Proprietors,  corner  Sixteenth  and  K  streets,  Sacra- 
mento.     Christ.  WahL 


PACIFIC  WHEEL  &  CARRAIGE  WORKS,  J.  F. 
Hill,  proprietor,  1301  to  1323  J  street,  Sacramento. 
Manufacturer  of  Carraiges    and    Carriage  Wheels, 
Gears,  Bodies,  etc,     S3TA  large  stock  constantly  on  hand. 


WM.    M.    LYON    (SUCCESSOR    TO    LYON    & 
Barnes).     Dealer  in  Produce,  Vegetables,  Butter, 
Eggs,  Green  and   Dried  Fruits,  Cheese,  Poultry, 
Honey,  Beans,  etc.,  12--125  J  street,  Sacramento. 


STOCKTON    ADVERTISERS 


ASK  YOUR  GROCER  FOR  "SPERRY'S  NEW 
Process  Flow"— the  very  best  in  use.     Office,  22 
California  street,  San  Francisco,  and  corner  Levee 
and  Broadway,  Stockton.     Sperry  &  Co-  proprietors. 


GRANGERS'  UNION  OF  SAN  JOAQUIN  VAL- 
ley.  (Incorporated  May  14,  74.)  Importers  and 
dealers  in  Agricultural  Implements  and  a  full  line 
of  General  Hardware,  Nos.  280  and  2S2  Main  street,  Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

T  H.  O'BRIEN,  WHOLESALE  DEALER  IN 
■  I  Fine  Wines  and  Liquors,  No.  224  Main  street, 
U  •     Odd  Fellows1  Block,  Stockton,  Cal. 


THE    GEYSERS. 

THE  GEYSERS  HOTEL  IS  NOW  OPENED  FOR 
the  entertainment  of  families  and  tourists.  Among 
the  accessories  of  this  famouss  resort  are  extensive 

Swimming  Batlis  of  Clear  Mineral  Water  ;  also,  Merti- 
rated  Steam   lint  lis. 

In  addition  to  the  excellent  accommodations  of  the 
Hotel,  there  are  Pleasant  Cottages  fitted  to  minister  to 
the  pleasure  and  comfort  of  the  occupants. 

THE      SCENERlf 
Surrounding  the  Geysers  is  nowhere  excelled  in  grandeur. 
The  climate  offers  an  agreeable  change  from  the  fog  and 
dust  of  the  city.     The  drives  are  superb  and  the  roads  are 
new  open. 

Terms— $3  per  day  and  $15  per  week. 

WM.    FORSYTH,  Proprietor. 


BILLIARDS. 

P.  LIESENFELD,   Manufacturer. 

Established 1S56 

SOLE  AGENT  FOR  THE  ONLY  GENUINE 

Patent  Steel  Plate  Cushion, 

Guaranteed  Tor  Ten  Years. 

THE   MOST    ELEGANT   STOCK    OF   BILLIARD   AND    POOL 
TABLES    ON    THE    PACIFIC    COAST. 

9  45     Folsom     Street,  • 

NEAR       S  I  X  T  H  . 

Prices  20  per  cent.  Lower  than  any  other  House  on 

the    Coast. 

Jg-  SEND    FOR     A    CATALOGUE.  "BS 

ARTISTIC    PRINTING. 

Every    Variety    of    Plain     and     Ornamenta 

PRINTING 

Executed  with  Neatness  and  Dispatch,  at  Lowest  Rates. 
Orders  by  mail  receive  prompt  attention. 

E.     C     H  UGHES, 

511    Sansomc    Street,  Cowier  Merchant. 

SAN     FRANCISCO. 

DEALERS  _IN    FURS. 

Alaska  Commercial  Co , 

310   t-ansome    Street, 
SAN     FRANCISCO,     CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

flJCC  a  week  in  your  own  town.     Terms  and  $5  outfit  free.    Ad- 
wDO  dress  H.  Hallei  &  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


SPRING    1883. 

As  Spring  with  its  change  of  weather  creates  a  rev<*lu- 
tion  in  the  very  bowels  of  the  earth,  so  does  Pfunder's 
celebrated  Oregon  Blood  Purifier  craate  the  desired  change 
in  the  human  system.  The  best  is  always  the  cheapest, 
and  health  at  any  price  is  ever  desirable.  Use  this  medi- 
cine ;  enjoy  good  health  and  save  money  ;  SI  a  bottle,  six 
forS5.  _ 

THE  BROOKLYN  HOTEL. 

This  popular  house  has  been  newly  furnished  and  reno- 
vated throughout  and  now  takes  rank  with  the  leading 
hotels  in  the  city  in  comfort  and  convenience  and  the  ex- 
cellence of  its  cuisine  and  attendance.  Chris.  H.  Schmidt 
(formerly  of  the  Russ  House)  and  C.  S.  Bush— most 
worthy  and  popular  gentlemen — take  charge  of  the  office 
and  fulfill  their  duties  in  the  most  attentive  andcouiteous 
manner.  The  terms  are  most  reasonable— ranging  from 
SI  50  a  day  and  upwards,  with  lower  rates  for  excursion 
or  large  parties.  Superior  accommodations  are  provided 
for  families  at  very  moderate  rates. 


DECLINE  OF  MAN. 

Nervous  Weakness;  Dyspepsia,  and  Loss  of  Power 
cured  by  "  Wells'  Health  Renewer."    $1. 

No  family  should  be  without  the  celebrated  White  Rose 
Flour,  made  from  the  best  of  wheat  and  by  the  celebrated 
Hungarian  process.  It  is  for  sale  by  the  following  well 
known  grocers:  Messrs.  Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Brown, 
422  Pine  street,  Lebenbaum  &  Goldberg,  121  Post  street, 
Lebenbaum,  Goldberg  &  Co.,  corner  California  and  Polk 
streets,  Pacific  Tea  Company,  995  Market  street,  G.  Neu- 
mann, Grand  Arcade  Market,  Sixth  street,  N.  L.  Cook  & 
Co.,  corner  Grove  and  Laguna  streets,  Reddan  &  Delay, 
corner  Sixteenth  and  Guerrero  streets,  H.  Sehroder&  Co., 
2017  Fillmore  street,  Bacon  &  Dicker,  959  Market  street, 
Cutter,  Lloyd  &  Co.,  corner  Clay  and  Davis  streets,  ami 
Lazalere  &  Withram,  corner  Davis  and  Clay  streets. 


Ask  for  "Brook's"  machine  cotton.  Experienced  op- 
perators  on  all  sewing  machines  recommend  it.  Glace" 
finish  on  white  spools,  soft  finish  on  black.  "  Machine 
Cotton  "  printed  on  the  cover  of  every  box.  For  sale  by 
all  dealers 

SUBSCRIBERS 

Who  desire  to  keep  the  "WASP"  on  file,  can  now  be 
again  supplied  with  Covers.     Price,  Fifty  Cents. 


Citizens'  Ins.  Co.,  St.  Louis.  -  Assets,  $450,000 
German  Ins.  Co.,  Pittsburg,  -  "  350,000 
Farragnt  Fire  Ins.  Co.,  N.  Y„  -  "  435,000 
Firemen's  Ins.  Co.,  Baltimore,  -  "  545,000 
Metropolitan  Plate  Glass  Ins. 

Co.,  New  York,       -       —       .       "  141,000 

Office— 219  Sansome  Street,  S.  F. 

E.  D.  FARNSWORTH   &  SON 


THE  SOUTH  BRITISH  AND  NATIONAL 
W.  J.  CALLINGHAM    &.  CO., 


No.  213  SANSOME  STREET. 


SAN   FRANOISCO.    CM. 


/ETNA 


Hot  Mineral  G  primers 

N  O  W       OP E  N  7 

Situated  16  miles  east  of  St.  Helena,  in  Pope  Valley, 
Sonoma  C  aunty. 
SGT  These  waters  closely  resemble  the  Ems  of  Germany 
in  analysis  and  salutary  effects. 

Board  and  Batbs,  $10  per  Week. 
The  JEtna  Springs  stage  will  leave  St.  Helena  daily 
(Sundays  excepted)  at  1  P.  M.,  connecting  with  the  8  A. 
M.  train   from   San    Francisco,  and  arrive  at  the  Springs 
at  5:90  P.  M.     Apply  for  rooms  and  pamphlets  to 
W.    H.    LIDELL, 
LideLl  Postoffice,  Napa  County,  California. 


American    Bunting 

FLAGS! 

SEND     FOR    PRICES. 

GK  M.  fJosselyn  &  Co,, 

38  &  40  MARKET  STREET,  S.  F. 


REMOVAL. 

The  old  and  well  known  house  of  J.  W.  Tucker  &  Co. 
has  removed  to  the  corner  of  Kearny  and  Geary  streets. 
Friends  and  the  public  will  please  take  notice. 

PHILADELPHIA  BREWERY. 

The  Philadelphia  Brewery  has  sold  during  the  year  1882 
64,18S  barrels  of  beer,  being  twice  as  much  as  the  next 
two  leading  breweries  in  this  city.  (See  Official  Report, 
U.  S.  Internal  Revenue,  January,  1883.)  The  beer  from 
this  brewery  has  a  Pacific  Coast  renown  unequaled  by  any 
other  on  the  Coast 

BURNHAM'S     ABTETENE. 
No  compound  but  a  pure  distilation  from  a  peculiar 
kind    of    fir.      Cures  Rheumatism,    Neuralgia,  etc.      A 
specific  for  Croup,  Colds,  etc.     Sold  by  all  druggists. 

GENUINE    LAGER    BTER. 

Ask  for  the  genuine  Lager  Bier  from  the  Fredericks- 
burg Brewing  Company,  which  is  acknowledged  to  be 
the  best  and  purest  Lager  brewed  in  the  United  States. 
On  draught  in  all  first-class  Saloons.  &&  Orders  for  Bot- 
tled Bier  can  be  left  at  539  California  street. 


PENNYROYAL  PILLS  Zfi&SBf 

SPECIFIC  MEDICINE  CO.,  *oos.  sib  St.,  I'hUaiitiphln,  i-.,. 

CONSUMPTION— Can    it  be  Cured  ? 

We  unhesitatingly  say  If  lias  been  and  is  being 
cored  every  day  by  the  use    of 

ALLEN'S   LUNG    BALSaM. 

HOW   IT   IS   CAUSED. 

This  foe  to  mankind  is  known  in  every  clime,  and  may 
result  from  unwholesome  food,  improper  dressing,  lack  of 
exercise,  neglecting  a  cold.  The  cough  becomes  dry  and 
hard,  and,  if  neglected,  tubercles  will  form  on  the  lungs. 
Something  must  be  done  to  arrest  this  decay.  Begin  at 
once.     Don't  trifle  with  yourself. 

HOW   IT  IS  CUBED. 

Read  what  those  who  have  been  cured  have  to  say, 
which  ought  to  be  the  most  convincing  proof  of  the  merits 
of  a  valuable  remedy  : 

Jeremiah  Wright,  of  Marion  County,  W.  Va.,  writes 
us  that  his  wife  had  Pulmonary  Consumption,  and  was 
pronounced  INCURABLE  by  their  physician,  when  the  use 
of  Allen's  Lung  Balsam  entirely  cured  her.  He  writes 
that  he  and  his  neighbors  think  it  the  best  medicine  in  the 
world. 

Wm.  C.  Digges,  merchant  of  Bowling  Green,. Va., 
writes,  April  4th,  1881,  that  he  wants  us  to  know  that  the 
Lung  Balsam  has  cured  his  Mother  of  Consumption 
after  the  physician  had  given  her  up  as  incurable.  He 
says  others  knowing  her  case  have  taken  the  Balsam  and 
been  cured.  He  thinks  all  so  afflicted  should  give  it  a 
trial. 

Dr.  Merrdith,  Dentist,  of  Cincinnati,  was  thought  to 
be  in  the  last  Stages  op  Consumption,  and  was  induced 
by  his  friends  to  try  Allen's  Lang  Balsam  after  the  for- 
mula was  shown  him.  We  have  his  letter  that  it  at  once 
cured  his  cough  and  that  he  was  able  to  resume  his  prac- 
tice. 

Wm.  A.  Graham  &  Co.,  Wholesa'e  Druggists,  Eanes- 
ville,  Ohio,  writes  us  of  the  cure  of  Mathias  Freeman,  a 
well-known  citizen,  who  had  been  afflicted  with  Bron- 
chitis in  its  worst  form  for  twelve  years.  The  Lung 
Balsam  cured  him,  as  it  has  many  others,  of  Bronchitis. 

Recommended  by  PHYSICIANS,- MINISTERS  and  Nurses. 
In  fact  by  everybody  who  has  given  it  a  good  trial.  It 
Never  Fails  to  Bring  Relief. 


Call  for  Allen's  Lung  Balsam,  and  shun  the  use  of  all 
remedies  without  merit  and  an  established  reputation. 
As  an  expectorant  it  has  no  Equal  ! 

SOLD  BY  ALL  MEDICINE  DEALERS. 


RESTORED. 


DR.  LIEBIG'S  WONDERFUL  GERMAN  INVIG- 
L,/  ORATOR  has  cured  more  cases  of  Nervous  and  Physical 
Debility,  Loss  of  Vitality  and  Weakness  than  all  other  remedies 
combined.  Let  all  who  have  failed  to  find  a  permtinet  cure  use 
LIEBIG'S  INVIGORATOR  and  they  are  guaranteed  permanent 
restoration  to  health  and  strength.  All  the  results  of  excesses 
are  speedily  cured  bytheLIEBIG  INVIGORATOR.  The  German 
treatment  prevents  permanently  all  unnatural  loss  from  the  sys- 
tem. 

The  Doctor,  a  regular  college  graduate  from  Europe,  will  agree 
to  forfeit  $1,000  for  a  case  undertaken  not  cured. 

The  reason  so  many  cannot  get  cured  of  Weakness  and  the  above 
Diseases  is  owing  to  a  complication  called  PROSTATORRHEA, 
which  requires  peculiar  treatment 

DR.  LIEBIG'S  INVIGORATOR  No.  2  is  the  onlr  reliable  REM- 
EDY for  PROSTATORRHEA.  Price  of  either  Invigorator  $2  per 
bottle  or  six  bottles,  §10.  Sent  securely  packed  on  receipt  of 
price,  or  C.  0.  D. 

Sold  only  at  the  LIEBIG  DISPENSARY,  400  Geary  street, 
San  Francisco. 

Private  entrance,  405  Mason  street.  Four  blocks  up  Geary 
street  from  Kearny. 

Most  Powerful  Electric  Belts  free  to  patients. 

45T  To  prove  the  wonderfiri  power  of  the  INVIGORATOR  a  $2 
bottle  given  free. 

CaM  or  write.  Consultation,  advice  and  examination  free  and 
private. 


THE     WASP. 


11 


TRUE    STORIES, 


Frozen  in  May. 
Asa  reporter  was  crossing  Diifferin  bridge  yes- 
terday, he  observed  a  crowd  standing  around  an 
object  on  the  path  below,  and  upon  going  down  t" 
investigate,  discovered  it  to  be  the  body  of  an 
apparently  healthy  man.  The  face  was  white  and 
stiff,  and  just  at  the  end  of  the  nose  a  large  icicle 
had  formed.  The  whole  body  was  perfectly  rigid, 
and  for  a  long  time  many  inquiries  were  made  of 
the  policeman  guarding  the  body  as  to  the  cause  of 
death.  The  policeman  maintained  aa  solemn  a 
silence  as  the  dead  man  at  bifl  feet  ;  and  soon  the 
people  who  had  gathered  around  were  horrified  to 
find  that  he  too  was  a  corpse.  His  note-book  was 
tightly  clenched  in  his  hand,  and  the  following 
entry,  evidently  made  by  fingers  cramped  with 
cold,  was  with  much  difficulty  deciphered  :  "  '.»  a. 
m.,  May  16.  Found  unknown  man  under  Dufferin 
bridge  frozen  to  death.  Thermometer  in  his  coat 
pocket  registering  ',i0  below.  Looked  up  to  bridge 
for  help.  Saw  an  ice  wagon.  Tried  to  whistle  to 
driver.  The  whistle  struck  the  iron  railing,  formed 
into  a  chunk  of  ice  and  dropped  into  canal.  I  feel 
numb.     Da ."—Ottawa  Free  Press, 


He     Blew     the    Bogle. 

A  small  party  of  Austin  young  men  were  stand- 
ing on  the  corner  of  Austin  avenue  and  Rebecca 
street  the  other  evening.  They  were  curiously 
examining  a  bugle  belonging  to  one  of  them,  and 
as  a  stranger  came  along  an  animated  discussion 
arose. 

"  I  wish  I  could  play  on  it,"  said  one. 

;t  Play  on  it  !  "  exclaimed  another,  "  I  wish  I 
could  make  a  noise  on  it." 

''It's  a  pretty  hard  thing  to  do,"  observed  a 
third,  "  if  you  haven't  got  the  hang  of  the  thing 
just  right." 

"  Hard  thing  to  do  !  "  chimed  in  the  stranger, 
halting,  and  regarding  the  party  with  evident  con- 
tempt, "  why  I  could  blow  a  bugle  before  I  was  a 
foot  high.' 

"  Well,  some  bugles  are  different  from  other," 
said  one  of  the  young  men. 

"  Gimme  that  bugle,"  said  the  stranger  excitedly. 
It  was  immediately  handed  him,  and  putting  it  to 
his  lips  he  made  one  trial  trip.  There  was  a  sub- 
dued sputter,  and  then  the  stranger  commenced  a 
kind  of  a  war  dance,  at  the  same  time  holding  his 
mouth  in  both  hands. 

"Great  Cleopatra's  Needle  !"  he  yelled  with 
tears  streaming  from  his  eyes.  ,(  Who  in  thunder 
filled  that  mouthpiece  with  cayenne  pepper  I  I'm 
small,  gentlemen,  light  and  fragile,  but  I  cau  lick 
the  man  who  peppered  the  horn." — Te.eas  Siftings. 


Gone    South. 

"  What  has  become  of  Josiah  Spraggs  1  "  asked  a 
man  who  reined  up  his  horse  in  front  of  a  ram- 
shackle farmhouse  in  Northern  Indiana. 

11  Moved  away,"  replied  a  coatless  native,  who 
was  seated  on  tne  fence,  chewing  a  straw. 

"  Where  has  he  moved  to  ?  " 

"  Down  South  somewhar,  I  reckon." 

*'  Why  did  he  leave  here  ?  " 

"  Wal,  Josiah  he  kinder  took  a  notion  he'd 
marry  Squire  Rummel's  darter,  Liza,  'n  Squire 
Rummel  he  took  a  notion  that  Josiah  shouldn't  do 
it.  'Pears  like  Josiah's  notion  was  the  strongest, 
'n  so  he  'n  Liza  run  off' n  got  marrit,  'n  Josiah  'n 
the  Squire  didn't  hitch  hosses  arter  that." 

"  But  why  did  he  go  away  '.  " 

"  Wal,  Squire  Rummel  he  sorter  got  a  new 
double  bar'l  shot-gun,  'n  ez  Josiah's  squir'l  rifle  had 
been  borrert  away  by  a  long-legged  lunk  who  never 
brought  it  back,  he  got  kinder  tired  of  sneakin' 
roun'." 

"  What  makes  you  think  he  lias  gone   South  3  " 

"  Wal,  arter  Josiah  selled  out.  he  sent  word  to 
Squire  Rummel,  to  ax  him  whar  he'd  better  go  to, 
'n  the  ole  Squire  he  told  him  to  go  to  hell." 

"  Aud  so  he  went  South  ? 

"  Wa-al — ya-as.  It  war  the  closest  he  cud  git 
thar." — Life. 


Not     Guilty. 

"I  acknowledges,  jedge,  dat  I  went  inter  de 
man's  house  and  dat  when  I  went  nut  I  took  de 
side  ob  meat. ' 

"  Well,  then,  you  plead  guilty  ?  " 

"  Nor,  sah,  I  don't.  Lemme  gin  y.  ra  few  pints, 
an'  ef  yer  is  a  man  ob  affairs,  yer  can't  agree  wid 
no  law  in  de  book  dat  would  want  to  pu  ush  me.  I 
has  been  tradin'  at  did  genlenian's  sto    tor  some 


time,  an  always  at  de  end  of  de  muuf  he'd  figger 
on  one  piece  ob  paper  an  den  figger  on  anuder. 
Den  he'd  pick  anuder  s'rap  an'  figger  a  while,  an' 
den  he'd  figger  on  a  piece  of  brown  paper,  an'  den 
he'd  figger  on  de  counter,  an'  den  on  top  ob  a 
panei  box,  ra  sold  too  much  cotton  not  to  know 
what  all  dat  tiggerin'  means.  It  means  dat  de 
man  is  tiggeriu'  all  around  yer,  and  de  fust  thing 
yei  know  he's  got  yer.-  Arter  dis  gen'leman  had 
figgered  all  aroun'  me,  ter  sorter  make  the  thing 
ekil,  J  tuck  up  de  side  of  bacon.  Dar  ain't  no  law 
what  yer  cau  turn  to  when  a  man  beats  yer  tiggerin', 
yer  know." 

"  T  am  very  well  acquainted  with  grocerymen," 
the  judge  replied,  "  and  they  have  often  figured 
around  me.  Take  the  side  of  meat,  Simon,  and  go 
home.  I'll  line  the  figuring  gentleman  live  dollars. 
— A  vkanscLA  T>  <><■■'•  r. 


An    Accommodating    Lawyer. 

A  Jersey  man  called  upon  a  New  York  lawer  the 
other  day  and  announced  that  his  rich  brother  had 
drawn  up  a  will  and  died,  and  that — " 

"  Ah  !  I  see  !  "  interrupted  the  attorney,  "and 
you  want  me  to  bust  it.  Very  well,  sir  ;  we'll 
plead  insanity." 

"  Oh,  no— he  wasn't  insane.  You  see  the  will 
leaves  everything  to — " 

"  To  his  second  wife,  or  some  church  or  college. 
Have  no  fears,  my  dear  sir.  I  can  bust  the  busi- 
ness sky-high.     Well  plead  undue  influence." 

"  But  I  influenced  him  myself  !  " 

"Ah,  that  alters  the  case  somewhat;  but  I'll 
prove  to  the  jury  that  he  was  afflicted  with  soften- 
ing of  the  brain." 

"  For  heaven's  sake  !  don't  do  it  !  " 

"  But  I  must  and  shall  bust  the  will." 

"  Then  I'll  have  to  find  a  lawyer  who  can't,  for 
it's  drawn  in  my  favor,  and  I  want  to  beat  all  the 
other  heirs  !  " 

"  Ah  !  certainly  !  that  alters  the  case.  Your 
brother  was  sane,  sensible  and  in  perfect  health  ; 
and  all  the  lawyer  this  side  of  Halifax  can't  break 
the  will  !     Sit  down,  sir  !  "—Wall-street News. 


PERARLS     OF    THOuT.HT. 


A  Domestic  Tragedy. 
There  was  a  wild  dash  toward  the  window,  made 
by  a  blonde  man  with  his  pantaloons  in  his  hand, 
the  spatter  of  a  bullet  on  the  wall  over  the  young 
man's  head  and  then  all  was  still  for  a  moment 
save  the  low  sob  of  a  woman  with  her  head  covered 
up  by  the  bed  clothes.  Then  the  two  men  clinched 
and  the  doctor  injected  the  barrel  of  a  32  self- 
cocker  up  the  bridge  of  the  young  man's  nose, 
knocking  him  under  the  wash  stand,  yanked  him 
out  by  the  hem  of  his  gaiment  and  jammed  him  in 
the  coal  bucket,  kicked  him  up  on  a  corner  bracket 
and  then  swept  the  quivering  ruins  into  the  street 
with  a  stub  broom.  He  then  lit  the  chandelier 
and  told  his  sobbing  wife  that  she  wasn't  just  the 
temperament  for  him  and  he  was  afraid  that  their 
paths  must  diverge.  He  didn't  care  much  for 
company  and  society,  while  she  seemed  to  yearn  for 
such  things  constantly.  He  came  right  out  and 
admitted  that  he  was  of  a  nervous  temperament 
and  quick  tempered.  He  loved  her  but  he  had 
such  an  irritable,  fiery  disposition  that  he  guessed 
he  would  have  to  excuse  her  ;  so  he  escorted  her 
out  to  the  gate  and  told  her  where  the  best  hotel 
was,  came  in,  drove  out  the  cat,  blew  out  the  light 
and  retired. — Laramie  Boomerang. 


Admonished. 
She  was  a  big,  industrious,  effusive,  Irish  woman, 
blessed  with  a  scalding  tongue.  Seeing  her  comiDg 
down  the  streets  in  her  old  shandridan,  the  Rev. 
Father  thought  to  have  some  fun  ;  so,  whispering 
a  word  to  the  owner  of  the  store,  he  popped  down 
behind  the  counter  just  as  she  entered  the  door. 
After  a  few  words,  the  storekeeper  quoth  :  "  By 
the  bye,  Mrs.  O'Flaherty,  his  riverence  was  just 
asking  after  you.  It's  a  dacent  man  he  is,  that 
same  Father  O'Hooligan."  "  Father  O'Hooligan, 
is  it  ?  "  said  the  lady,  "  ugh  1  It's  not  me,  faith, 
but  my  money  he  wants,  the  big  fat-headed  spal- 
peen." Then,  from  between  two  flour  barrels,  be- 
fore she  had  time  even  to  cross  herself,  an  appari- 
tion of  his  burly  reverence  rose  and  fetched  the 
astonished  woman  a  sounding  thwack  across  the 
shoulders,  as  with  one  curdling  yell  she  tied  from 
the  store.  And  as  she  belabored  the  nag  in  her 
shaking  old  rattletrap,  she  groaned  all  the  way 
home  the  awful  words  :  "  Ah,  sure,  now,  I  didn't 
mane  it  at  arl,  father  dear  !  That's  another  tin 
years  in  blissid  purgatory,  so  it-  is.  Wirrastliru  !  " 
— Sydney  Bulletin. 


Caps,  Hats  and  Plugs. 
No  lexicographer  has  yet  been  able  to  define  a 
hat.  They  all  say  it  is  a  covering  for  the  head  ; 
so  is  a  cap,  a  bonnet,  and  in  Spain  a  mantilla.  Hats 
indicate  a  man's  rank  and  station  in  life— his  busi- 
ness and  calling.  The  preacher  and  lawyer  wear  a 
plug  hat  ;  the  miller,  a  slouch,  all  whitened  with 
Hour  ;  the  student  a  cap  ;  the  Jockey  always  wears 
a  skull  cap.  An  Indian  begs  or  steals  an  old  one, 
cuts  a  hole  in  the  crown,  stuffs  the  orifice  with 
feathers,  and  walks  around  the  camp  with  self-con- 
tent. The  colored  brother  finds  an  "  ole  hat," 
brushes  it  up  and  wears  it  on  Sunday  aud  at  pic- 
nics. The  Arizona  cowboy  revels  in  an  umbrage- 
ous brim  :  a  narrow  one  savors  of  a  Clamping  civil- 
ization. Nothing  is  too  rich  for  him.  He  would 
put  a  prairie  on  his  head  if  it  would  fit.  A  plug 
hat  implies  a  sort  of  dignity  and  propriety  that  the 
slouch  hat  does  not  even  hi  ut  at.  He  who  wears 
one  must  keep  the  rest  of  his  dress  in  harmonious 
trim,  else  the  inconsistency  of  dress  is  too  marked. 
A  man  with  a  plug  hat  will  buy  an  umbrella  and 
seek  the  society  of  ladies.  He  can't  go  hunting 
and  fishing  in  a  plug,  nor  run,  jump,  romp,  or  get 
into  a  tight  in  a  plug.- — Cincinnati  ISnguirer. 


Spring. 

Spring,  gentle,  touchful,  tuneful,  breezeful, 
soothful  spring  is  here.  It  has  not  been  here 
more  than  twenty  minutes,  and  my  arctics  stand 
where  I  can  reach  them  in  case  it  should  change 
its  mind. 

The  bobolink  sits  on  the  basswood  vines  and  the 
thrush  in  the  gooseberry  tree  is  melodious  as  a  hired 
man.  The  robin  is  building  his  nest,  or  rather  her 
nest,  I  should  say  perhaps,  in  the  boughs  of  the 
old  willow  that  last  summer  was  busted  by  thunder 
— I  beg  your  pardon — by  lightning  I  should  say. 
The  speckled  calf  dines  teat-a-teat  with  his  mother 
and  strawberries  are  like  a  bald-headed  man's  brow 
— they  come  high,  but  we  can't  get  along  without 
them. 

I  never  was  more  tickled  to  greet  gentle  spring 
than  I  am  now.  It  stirs  up  my  drug-soaked  re- 
mains and  warms  the  genial  current  of  life  con- 
siderably. I  frolicked  around  in  the  grass  this 
afternoon  and  tilled  my  pockets  full  of  1,000-legged 
worms  and  other  little  mementoes  of  the  season. 
The  little  barefoot  boy  now  conies  forth  and  walks 
with  a  cautious  tread  at  first,  like  a  blind  horse  ; 
but  towards  the  golden  autumn  the  backs  of  his 
feet  will  look  like  a  warty  toad,  and  there  will  be 
big  cracks  in  them  and  one  toe  will  be  wrapped  up 
in  part  of  a  bed  quilt  and  he  wiil  show  it  with 
pride  to  crowded  houses.  —  Bill  Nye. 


THE    HORRIBLES'    BALL. 

At  J.  W.  Tucker's  Jewelry  stoi-e,  cor.  Kearny  and 
Geary  streets,  can  be  seen  $1,500  \M*>rtli  of  prizes  to  be 
given  away  at  the  Grand  Prize  Bal-Masrjue  (under  the 
direction  of  I).  L.  Levy)  at  the  Pavilion,  July  Fourth. 
It  being  the  grand  holiday  of  the  nation  there  will  be  a 
great  turnout, 

CHEAP  EXCURSIONS. 

The  South  Pacific  Coast  R.  R. ,  foot  of  Market  street 
(south  side),  will  meet  the  requirements  of  Fourth  of  July 
week  by  selling  Excursion  Tickets  from  Friday,  June 
'Jilth,  to  July  8th— good  to  return  until  Monday.  July 
9th,  inclusive.  This  is  the  short  route  to  Santa  Cruz  and 
San  Jose,  and  is  as  comfortable  and  safe  as  it  is  delightful. 

*#*  "  It  is  easier  to  convince  a  man  against  his  senses 
than  against  his  will."  When  a  sick  man  has  given  Kid- 
ney-Wort a  thorough  trial,  both  will  and  senses  join  in 
unqualified  approval  of  its  curative  qualities  in  all  dis. 
eases  of  the  liver,  kidneys  and  bowels. 


FLIES  AND  BUGS. 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."    15c. 


NOTICE. —BE  ATT  Y*S    BEETHOVEN    ORGANS. 

A  *450  Organ  for  §125.  This  special  offer  is  made  to 
our  readers  only,  and  should  be  taksn  advantage  of  with- 
out delay.  The  well-known  reputation  of  Mayor  Daniel 
F.  Beatty,  of  Washington, ,  New  Jersey,  is  a  sufficient 
guarantee  of  the  reliability  of  the  instrument  advertised 
in  another  column.  

Banish  ill-health,  nervousness,  vexation,  fretfulness, 
etc.,  by  using  Brown's  Iron  Bitters. 


S3T  Twenty-four  beautiful  colors  of  the  Diamond  Dyes, 
for  Silk,  Wool,  t'otfcon,  etc..  10  cts?  A  child  can  use  with 
perfect  success. 


12 


THE     WASP. 


RELIGIOUS    INTELLIGENCE. 


A  reverend  gentleman,  preaching  on  the  "Re- 
ligious Condition  of  the  People  of  India,"  informed 
his  hearers  that  the  moral  condition  of  the  Hindoos 
was  deplorable,  and  drew  the  following  dreadful 
picture  of  their  degraded  state:  "These  people 
were  almost  destitute  of  conscience.  Falsehood, 
theft,  blasphemy,  impurity,  were  not  sins  at  all  in 
their  estimation.  Beating  a  cow,  the  sacred  animal, 
was  a  sin.  Any  blunder  or  mistake  or  omission  in 
the  ceremonies  of  their  worship  was  a  mortal  sin, 
while  the  state  of  the  heart  and  life  was  deemed 
of  no  importance.  The  ideas  which  they  attach  to 
words,  too,  made  it  difficult  to  convey  to  them 
religious  truth.  Salvation  was  to  them  merely 
liberation  from  the  troubles  and  difficulties  of  life. " 
This  is  a  condition  of  things  which  must  give  a 
fearful  shock  to  the  white  who  beholds  it.  We 
dare  say  the  Hindoos  have  nice,  polite. little  names 
for  the  crimes  to  which  they  are  addicted.  Lying, 
we  would  wager,  is  called  "romancing,"  swindling 
"a  smart  stroke  of  business,"  and  adultery  ele- 
gantly' alluded  to  as  a  faux  pets.  And  they  rely 
upon  ceremonies,  as  all  ignorance  does!  Let  us 
give  thanks  we  are  not  ignorant.  If  any  man  were 
to  rise  up  here  and  say  that  millions  of  his  fellow- 
men  would  be  damned  because  they  did  not  do 
such-and-such  things  in  such-and-such  a  way,  would 
he  be  laughed  at  or  stoned  ?  Imagine,  too,  the 
wretched  position  a  people  must  be  in  who  have  no 
hell  of  fire,  and  believe  that  salvation  is  "merely 
liberation  from  the  troubles  and  difficulties  of  life." 
No  golden  harps,  no  wings  for  the  blessed ;  no 
brimstone,  no  blazes  for  the  damned !  Ah !  it  is 
terrible. 


At  a  concert  in  Wahgunyah,  Australia,  a  ven- 
erable bishop  addressed  the  audience  on  "The 
Resurrection."  The  next  number  was  the  song, 
"  Why  Don't  the  Men  Propose?"  by  a  spinster  of 
disputable  age,  with  a  voice  as  thin  as  water-gruel. 
They  try  to  please  all  tastes  at  an  Australian  con- 
cert. 


At  a  donation  party  up  in  Sonoma  county,  the 
other  day,  the  beloved  pastor  was  presented  with  a 
horse.  A  few  days  later  he  gave  it  back,  explain- 
ing that  it  had  eaten  off  his  starboard  ear.  All 
flesh  is  grass. 

This  is  what  John  Bright  thinks  about  oaths  : 
"  On  the  question  of  oaths,  probably  there  is  no- 
thing in  the  New  Testament  more  especially  con- 
demned and  forbidden  than  oaths.  To  those  who 
do  not  care  about  the  New  Testament  this  fact  will 
be  of  no  weight.  The  practice  of  swearing  to  the 
truth  of  anything  makes  two  kinds  of  truth  or 
truthfulness.  If  oaths  are  of  any  avail,  by  so 
much  as  they  make  truth  more  certain,  by  so  much 
they  lessen  trie  value  of  an  ordinary  statement, 
and  diminish  the  probability  of  its  truth.  If  igno- 
rant persons  are  not  sworn,  they  think  they  may 
tell  lies  with  impunity,  and  their  lying  is  made  to 
a  large  extent  blameless  in  their  eyes.  I  think 
oaths  and  oath-taking  have  done  more  than  any 
other  thing  to  impair  and  destroy  a  regard  for 
truth." 


A  parson  recently  said  that ' '  the  locality  assigned 
to  hell  by  the  churches  had  been  chased  from  place 
to  place  by  advancing  science  till  at  length  it  was 
found  nowhere."  This  is  an  error.  It  is  to  be 
found  in  the  bosom  of  the  minister  of  the  Gospel 
when  the  collection  plates  are  brought  round  to 
him  and  he  finds  there  is  a  steady  decrease  in 
offerings. 


Money  is  the  root  of  all  evil,  and  every  clergy- 
man wishes  he  had  a  forty-horse-power  stump- 
pulling  machine  to  weed  out  the  moral  vineyard. 


It  is  now  generally  admitted  by  the  Baptists 
that  immersion  in  sea-water  has  a  hardening  effect 
on  the  conscience,  and  converts  who  can  afford  it 
are  baptized  in  distilled  water,  which  cleanseth 
from  sin  worse  than  boiling.  Some  of  the  worst 
cases  are  sent  to  a  Chinese  laundry. 


"  Come  unto  me,  all  ye  that  are  weary  and  heavy 
laden,"  began  a  Sacramento  exhorter  to  the  in- 
cumbents of  the  anxious  seat.  And  an  impatient 
penitent  shouted  :  "Give  us  a  rest!  " 

We  are  told  that  Christians  ought  to  be  meek, 
but  it  is  not  in  human  nature  to  refrain  from  re- 
senting such  insults  as  the  Buddhists  of  Colombo, 


in  the  Island  of  Ceylon,  launched  at  the  Catholics. 
The  Catholics  had  a  procession  through  the  streets, 
in  which  they  made  prominent  the  symbol  of  the 
cross.  The  Buddhists  then  had  a  procession,  and 
also  introduced  the  cross.  This  might  have  passed 
without  offense,  but  the  cross  had  a  monkey  peg- 
ged to  it,  which  the  children  of  light  would  by  no 
means  endure.  The  consequence  was  a  contro- 
versy in  which  several  souls  eschewed  their  mortal 
parts. 


There  was  a  small  collection  of  Methodists  in 
Pennsylvania  so  sensible  of  their  perfection  that 
in  using  the  Lord's  Prayer  they  omitted  the  clause 
"forgive  us  our  trespasses,"  because  it  implied  a 
confession  of  faults.  But  when  the  leader  of  the 
society  left  his  wife  and  ran  away  with  a  young 
woman  who  had  been  very  prominent  in  refusing 
to  repeat  the  prayer  except  in  the  altered  form,  the 
clique  Bpeedily  broke  up. 

"  No,  sir,"  said  the  deacon,  "  I  am  not  brutal  in 
disposition  and  tastes ;  but  I  hate  hypocrisy  in 
man  or  beast,  and  if  two  dogs  have  a  rooted  antipa- 
thy for  each  other  I  don't  like  to  see  'em  conceal  it. " 


An  American  named  Garrett  has  presented  to 
the  King  of  Italy  a  horse  valued  at  forty-five 
thousand  dollars  and  His  Majesty — the  horse — is 
to  have  a  marble  statue  of  himself.  The  statue 
will  cost  about  five  thousand  dollars  and'  the  King 
can  then  sell  the  meat  animal  and  make  a  very 
fair  profit  from  the  transaction.  Thus  do  the  tot- 
tering despots  of  Europe  rake  in  the  nimble  repub- 
lican sixpence  and  the  American  eagle  savagely 
cracks  his  beak  but  is  impotent  of  redress.  When 
the  toady  isn't  toadying  to  kings  the  Monarch's  lot 
is  not  a  happy  one.     Sing. 


Governor  Crittenden  of  Missouri,  who  has  done  so 
much  to  make  highway  robbery,  and  train -wrecking 
unpopular  in  that  state,  has  declined  a  memorial 
gold  watch  and  chain  from  the  admirers  of  social 
order,  on  the  ground  that  had  he  did  no  more  than 
his  duty  and  is.  not  entitled  to  greater  commenda- 
tion than  other  officers  of  the  law.  It  is  under- 
stood that  General  Grant  has  signified  his  enthusi- 
astic approval  of  Governor  Crittenden's  modesty, 
and  that  gentleman  will  doubtless  regard  General 
Grant's  good  opinion  as  of  greater  value  than  a 
gold  watch  and  chain. 


There  is  a  woman  in  San  Francisco  who  is 
creating  considerable  interest  in  aristocratic  circles. 
She  is  worth  several  millions  of  dollars  in  her  own 
name,  owns  a  house  in  Paris,  plays  billiards  like  a 
master,  is  a  ^crack  shot,  swims  and  rows  like  a 
Sandwich  Islander,  and  has  half  a  dozen  aristo- 
cratic lovers  in  different  partB  of  the  world.  An 
English  lord  became  infatuated  with  her  while  on 
a  visit  to  San  Francisco  two  years  ago.  The 
strangest  thing  is  that  her  hushandisa  well-known 
citizen,  and  is  one  of  the  quietest,  thriftiest,  in- 
fluential men  on  the 'coast.  He  thinks  his  wife 
perfection  because  she  wears  a  No.  1  shoe  and  is 
good  to  the  poor. — Washington  Capital. 


In  no  way  is  the  magnitude  of  the  change  which  has 
come  over  the  New  York  World  made  so  apparent  as  by 
the  circumstance  that  when  a  rival  alleged  that  the 
World's  grammar  was  faulty,  the  latter  replied  that  the 
grammar  mattered  littl«  so  long  as  the  meaning  is  clear. 
— Alia. 

Unluckily  for  the  view  that  the  World  intended 
by  this  reply  to  express,  the  meaning  of  a  writer 
whose  grammar  is  faulty  never  is  clear,  for  the  man 
who  has  not  the  rudiments  of  an  education  has  not 
been  trained  to  think,  and  he  who  does  not  clearly 
think  does  not  clearly  write.  It  is  significant  that 
the  defense  of  ungrammatical  diction  always  comes 
from  one  who  can  not  write  grammatically. 


Our  fair  friend  the  Alia  has  come  to  the  front 
as  an  authority  on  caves.  On  Wednesday  last  it 
had  two  editorial  articles  on  them — one  about  the 
Mammoth  Cave  of  Kentucky,  the  other  about  the 
Luray  Caves  of  Virginia.  This  seems  to  confirm  the 
hypothesis  suggested  by  the  peculiar  obscurity  that 
pervades  its  utterances  like  the  memory  of  a  sun- 
less past — namely,  that  it  is  edited  by  a  bat. 


A  man  who  recently  tried  to  drown  himself  by 
jumping  off  an  Oakland  boat  excused  himself  by 
explaining  that  he'd  had  some  trouble  with  a  lady. 
Guess  it  wa3  his  landlady. 


SEEK 


health  and  avoid  sickness. 
Instead  of  feeling  tired  and 
worn  out,  instead  of  aches 
and  pains,  wouldn't  you 
rather  feel  fresh  and  strong  ? 

You  can  continue  feeling 
miserable  and  good  for  no- 
thing, and  no  one  but  your  • 
self  can  find  fault,  but  if  you 
are  tired  of  that  kind  of  life, 
you  can  change  it  if  you 
choose. 

How  ?  By  getting  one 
bottle  of  Brown'  Iron  Bit- 
ters, and  taking  it  regularly 
according  to  directions. 


Mansfield,  Ohio,  Nov.  26,  1881. 

Gentlemen: — I  have  suffered  with 
pain  in  my  side  and  back,  and  great 
soreness  on  my  breast,  with  shoot- 
ing pains  all  tnrough  my  body,  at- 
tended with  great  weakness,  depres- 
sion of  spirits,  and  loss  of  appe- 
tite. I  have  taken  several  different 
medicines,  and  was  treated  by  prom- 
inent physicians  for  my  liver,  kid- 
neys, and  spleen,  but  I  got  no  relief. 
I  thought  I  would  try  Brown's  Iron 
Bitters  ;  I  have  now  taken  one  bottle 
and  a  half  and  am  about  well — pain 
in  side  and  back  all  gone — soreness 
all  out  of  my  breast,  and  I  have  a 
good  appetite,  and  am  gaining  in 
strength  and  flesh.  Itcan  justlybe 
called  the  king  0/  medicines. 

John  K.Allendeb. 


Brown's  Iron  Bitters  is 
composed  of  Iron  in  soluble 
form ;  Cinchona  the  great 
tonic,  together  with  other 
standard  remedies,  making 
a  remarkable  non-alcoholic 
tonic,  which  will  cure  Dys- 
pepsia, Indigestion,  Malaria, 
Weakness,  and  relieve  all 
Lung  and  Kidney  diseases. 


KIDNEY-WORT 


E  GREAT  CURE 


T* 


RHEUMATISM- 

As  it  is  for  all  the  painful  diseases   of  the 
KIDNEYS,LIVER  AND  BOWELS. 

It  cleanses  the  system  of  the  acrid  poison 
that  causes  the  dreadful  suffering  which 
only  the  victims  of  Rheumatism  can  realize, 

THOUSANDS  OF  CASES 
of  the  worst  forms  of  this  terrible  disease 
have  been  quickly  relieved,  and  in  short  time 

PERFECTLY  CURED. 
PRICE,  $t.  LIQUID  OR  DRY,  SOLD  DY  DRCGGISTS. 
H-  Dry  can  be  sent  by  mail. 

WELLS,  RICEAJRDSOM"  &  Co..  Eurlinctoi 


KIDNEY- WORT/I 


GREAT  ENGLISH  REMEDY 

la  a  certain  cure  for  NERVOUS  DEBILITY. 
LOST  MANHOOD,  and  all  tho  evil  effects  oi 
youthful  follies  and  expenses. 

D'R.  MINTIR.  who  Is  a  regular  physician, 
graduate  of  iho  University  0f  Pennsylvania, 
will  aprce  (r.  fni-fcit  Klv*  Hundred  Dollars  for 
■  ■•■■■■  ..I  the  bind  the  VITAL  RESTORATIYB 
(under  his  special  advice  and  treatment)  will 
not  cure.  Price,  $3  a  bottle;  four  times  th* 
qunntitv,  $10.  Sent  to  auv  address,  conft- 
oentullv,  by  A  E.  M1NT1E.  M.  D..  No.  11 
Kearny  Street,  S.  F.     Send  fir  pamphlet 

SAMPLE  BOTTLE  FREE  will  be  sent  to 
any  one  applying  by  letter,  stating  symptoms, 
■ex  and  age.   Strict  eecrecy  In  »U  tr&nfi&ationL 


THE    WASP. 


1* 


FROZEN     TRUTHS. 


The  New  York  Sun  has  compiled  from  its  ex- 
change* the  following  veracious  anecdotes  about 
anime 

In  its  (light,  oq  being  chased  by  a  hawk,  a  part- 
ridge Hew  against  Joseph  Brink,  of  Sullivan  county, 
X  V.  with  Much  force  as  to  break  its  neck.  [This 
BtOrj  could  have  been  improved  by  saying  I 
It  is  Strange  that  an  artist  in  veracity  should  have 
overlooked  bo  obvious  an  opportunity.  ] 

A  buzzard  dined  on  a  lamb  that  had  been  killed 
by  a  dog  at  New  Garden.,  Ga.  In  some  way  it  got 
fast  in  the  strap  which  fastened  the  bell  around  the 
lamb's  neck,  and  lias  gone  jingling  about  with  the 
bell  ever  since.  [You  see  the  buzzard,  having 
eaten  the  lamb's  body,  attempted  to  crawl  through 
the  neck-strap  of  the  bell  to  get  abetter  hack  at 
the  head,  and  stuck  fast.  Thus  are  the  greedy 
punished.  J 


In  Paduoah  two  English  sparrows  tried  to' drown 
each  other  in  a  street  gutter.  The  struggle  was  a 
long  and  desperate  one,  and  finally  one  got  the 
head  of  the  other  under  water  and  kept  it  there 
until  life  was  extinct.  [It  does  not  require  very 
long  for  a  Paducah  gutter  to  extinguish  the  life 
of  an  ordinary  sparrow.] 

There  are  people  in  Norwich,  Conn.,  who  believe 
that  a  robin  in  that  town  fastened  a  string  to  the 
limb  of  a  pear  tree,  wound  the  string  about  its 
neck,  and  then  dropped  from  its  perch,  and  in  a 
few  inements  died  of  strangulation,  while  its  un- 
happy mate  sang  a  requiem.  [We  are  of  the  same 
opinion,  except  with  regard  to  the  "strangulation." 
The  fact  is,  the  ill-starred  fowl  was  launched  into 
eternity  with  a  broken  neck.] 

A  Franklin,  Mass. .  dog  saw  a  man  drop  his  hand- 
kerchief in  the  street.  The  dog  picked  it  up,  and, 
going  to  the  door  of  the  house  into  which  the  man 
had  entered,  made  his  presence  known  by  repeated 
raps.  When  the  door  was  opened  the  dog  pre- 
sented the  lost  handkerchief  to  its  owner.  [We 
had  a  dog  which  did  the  same  thing ;  only  before 
it  gave  up  the  hankerchief  it  went  up  to  a  little 
girl  who  lay  asleep  on  a  sofa,  spread  the  handker- 
chief over  her  face,  and  blew  her  nose.] 

A  curious  experiment  was  made  recently  at  Paris 
to  determine  the  power  of  a  crocodile's  jaw.  The 
animal  was  fixed  on  a  table  with  its  upper  jaw  con- 
nected with  a  dynamometer.  An  electric  shuck 
caused  him  to  give  a  sudden  snap.  Three  hundred 
and  eight  pounds  was  marked  on  the  instrument. 
It  was,  calculated  that  the  contractile  force  of  the 
muscles  causing  the  movement  was  1,540  pounds. 
[It  is  plain  that  it  would  require  only  three  or 
four  such  crocodiles  to  bite  a  piece  out  of  a  rail- 
way station  pie.] 


A  chubby  brown  sparrow  flew  up  from  the  ground 
in  Boston  Common,  carrying  in  its  beak  a  soda 
biscuit.  He  Hew  but  a  few  feet  before  he  dropped 
the  biscuit,  when  another  sparrow  seized  it  and 
carried  it.  a  few  feet  further,  and  so  one  after  an- 
other carried  it  along  until  the  last  sparrow  dropped 
it  plump  on  a  horse-car  track.  Then  away  they 
all  flew,  as  if  their  object  had  been  accomplished. 
Pretty  soon  along  came  a  car,  and,  passing  over 
the  cracker,  ground  it  into  crumbs.  Then  down 
swooped  the  whole  flock  of  feathered  philosophers 
and  made  a  good  breakfast.  [If  it  had  been  an 
ordinary  doughnut,  though,  they  would  probably 
have  done  the  same  thing,  and  caused  a  frightful 
accident.  ] 


An  old  hunter  loaned  his  dog  to  a  friend,  an 
amateur,  and  this  is  what  the  amateur  said  after 
returning  without  the  dog  :  ll  I  never  was  so  dis- 
concerted as  when  I  caught  the  reproachful  glance 
of  the  old  dog's  eye  after  missing  as  fair  a  shot  as 
I  ever  had  ;  and  as  I  soon  repeated  the  perform- 
ance, I  could  plainly  see  in  his  expressive  counte- 
nance disgust  as  well  as  reproach.  Although  I 
have  stood  behind  the  trap  and,  amid  the  jeers 
and  hoots  of  the  crowd,  missed  my  ten  birds 
straight,  I  never  was  so  utterly  demoralized  in  my 
life,  and  of  course  I  missed  the  next  one,  when  the 
old  dog,  with  a  look  that  will  haunt  me  to  my  dying 
day,  hung  his  head,  and  curling  his  tail  between 
his  legs,  dejectedly  marched  back  to  the  wagon,  and 
actually  showed  his  teeth  wheu  I  tried  to  coax  him 
out  again.''     [That's  so  ;   we  were  the  dog.] 


TALK     ABOUT     THEATERS, 


if   I'kiv.  '1  ti  the  California,  ii 
ii  fairly  pa  brush    whose  in 

lin<         ':  [iient  Hituattonsare  swallowed 

with  delight  by  the  ha  thatorowtui  the  upper 

portion  of  the  house  ;  that  it  'haws  well  below  the  gallery 
can  only  be  due  t"  the  fact  that  the  acting  by  the  Wallack 
company  i>  extremely  clever,  and  the  scenery  by  Yoegtlin 
unusually  beantiCuL  There  are  some  rather  novel  feat- 
ures in  the  piece,  such  aa  the  lack  of  either  a  bachelor 
hero  or  a  maiden  heroine,  the  total  absence  of  any  love 
making  from  the  ante-marriage  standpoint,  ami  the  scar- 
city of  women  in  the  targe  cast  ;  for  the  twenty-nine 
speaking  parts  only  four  are  taken  by  women,  and  of  these, 
two  appear  for  but  a  few  moments,  daring  which  they 
speak  about  a  dozen  words  each.  Witli  the  exception  of 
an  archangel  family  servant,  all  the  male  characters  are 
rascals,  the  hero  himself  appearing  in  the  winsome  ride  of 
a  boorish,  drunken,  gambling  beast  who  is  roasted  in  the 

dramatist's  crucible  until  his  sins,  like  his  former  self, 
have  been  dissipated,  and  he  stands  forth  a  purified  type 
of  all  that  in  noble  in  man.  The  heroine,  wife  to  the 
aforesaid  gentleman  of  bibulous  habit,  and  a  woman  of 
birth  and  refinement,  loves  this  slovenly,  selfish  brute 
with  a  devotion  that  is  more  than  human,  and  even  wor- 
ships his  memory  throughout  the  years  of  misery  that 
have  been  entailed  upon  her  and  her  children  as  the  herit- 
age of  his  blackguardly  conduct.  The  only  other  female 
who  has  anything  to  do  in  the  play  is  of  ultra  aristocratic 
association  and  supposed  to  be  of  a  lovely  character  ;  yet 
she  is  ardently  attached  to  a  husband  who  is  a  criminal  of 
the  foulest  stamp,  knowing  him  to  be  such  and  even  aid- 
ing him  in  the  concealment  of  his  thefts.  This  erratic 
husband  of  hers  is  a  murderer  and  a  burglar  of  many  years 
successful  practice,  during  all  of  which  time  he  "  moves 
in  the  best  circles  of  society  "  and  is  upon  terms  of  intim- 
ate acquaintance  with  the  noblemen  and  gentry  whom  he 
robs.  Daring  this  same  time,  by  the  way,  he  is  on  even 
more  intimate  terms  with  a  gang  of  the  vilest  scoundrels 
that  could  be  scraped  together  from  the  criminal  haunts 
of  London.  In  the  face  of  the  fact,  however,  that  his 
association  with  these  low  characters,  and  also  his  alias  of 
"  The  Spider  ",  are  all  the  while  known  to  the  detectives 
of  Scotland  Yard,  his  good  name  is  not  in  the  least  tarn- 
ished, nor  is  his  triumphant  social  career  in  the  slightest 
degree  checked.  The  other  leading  characters  in  this 
"  greatest  drama  of  our  times "  are  two  embezzling 
clerks,  thieving  locksmiths,  a  receiver  of  stolen  goods 
and  an  addle-headed  detective  who  couldn't  follow  the 
trail  of  an  elephant  through  a  ploughed  field.  There  area 
few  strong  lines  in  the  play,  but  they  happen  to  be  just 
the  ones  that  are  not  original  ;  the  latter,  though  accept- 
able in  places,  are  on  the  whole  decidedly  weak.  In 
truth.  The  Silver  King,  which  would  prove  an  utter  failure 
iu  the  hands  of  an  ordinary  company,  is  forced  into  public 
favor  by  an  excellence  of  acting  and  richness  of  mounting 
that  would  make  a  success  of  almost  any  piece.  Osmand 
Tearle's  interpretation  of  "  Wilfred  Denver  "  deserves 
high  praise  as  a  finished  effort  of  melodramatic  acting,  in 
which  he  at  times  rises  to  actual  tragic  dignity,  and  Miss 
Rose  Coghlan  also  ennobles  a  part  that  would  be  the 
merest  thrash  in  weaker  bands.  Almost  every  member  of 
the  company  makes  the  most  of  the  meagre  part  assigned 
him,  but  especial  credit  is  due  to  John  -Jennings  and 
Daniel  Leeson  for  the  fact  that  they  have  created  from 
the  commonplace  roles  of  "  Daniel  Jaikes  "  and   "  Elian 

C nbe"  two  character  sketches   of  decided   excellence. 

Tin  Si/,-. ,-  Kiwj  as  now  presented  is  worth  seeing  for  the 
simple  purpose  of  discovering  how  a  poor  play  may  be 
developed  into  a  semblance  of  worth  by  the  efforts  of  au 
efficient  and  well  drilled  company. 

Encouraged  by  their  success  during  the  previous  week, 
"The  Figaro  Spanish  Students"  are  giving  a  second 
series  of  concerts  at  Piatt's  Hall  to  large  and  delighted 
audiences.  Their  playing  is  so  quaint  and  wonderfully 
charming  that  no  one  who  has  the  slightest  appreciation 
of  music  should  fail  to  hear  them  at  least  once  before  they 
leave  for  their  South  American  tour. 

Tht  Black  Flag  is  still  hoisted  mast  high  at  the  Bald- 
win, where  it  is  applauded  night  after  night  by  the  large 
audiences  who  gather  to  witness  its  unfurling. 

Although  the  melodramatic  goody-goodies  offered  at  the 
larger  theaters  have  captured  a  portion  of  their  patronage, 
Emerson's  colored  troubadours  have  been  doing  a  very 
fair  business  during  the  week.  Their  performance  is 
among  the  best  of  its  class  and  is  highly  amusing. 

Fra  Diavolo  in  all  the  glittering  tinsel  of  the  stage  bri- 
gand struts  the  boards  at  the  Tivoli,  sings  his  little  aongs, 
and  goes  through  his  little  death  agonies,  to  the  immense 
delight  of  the  patrons  of  that  establishment  and  to  the 
benefit  of  the  managerial  cash-box.  Bar. 


If  **       HUBRATED  ^  HA 


|^  fc  STOMACH  —  & 

BITTER* 


Ho-tetter's  Stomach  Bit- 
ters meets  the  requirements 
of  the  rational  medical  phl- 
losophy  which  at  present 
prevails.  It  is  a  perfectly 
pure  vegetable  remedy,  em- 
bracing the  three  important 
properties  of  a  preventive, 
a  tonic  and  an  alterative.  It 
fortifies  the  body  against 
disease,  invigorates  and  re- 
vitalizes the  torpid  stomach 
and  liver,  and  effects  a  salu- 
tary change  in  the  entire 
system. 

For  sale  by  all  Druggists 
and  Dealers  generally. 


IS  UNFAILING 
AND    IXFAT.UKLE 

IX   CTTRINQ 


Epileptic  Fits, 
Spawn,    Falling 
Sickness,    Convul- 
sions,   St.    Vitus    Dance,  Alcoholism, 
Opium     Eating, 

Scrofula,  and  all 
Nervous  and  Blood  Diseases. 
£3^*To  Clergymen,  Lawyers,  Literary  Men, 
Merchants,  Bankers,  Ladies  and  all  "whose 
sedentary  employment  causes  Nervous  Pros- 
tration, Irregularities  of  the  blood,  stomach, 
bowels  or  kidneys,  or  who  require  a  nerve 
tonic,  appetizer  or  stimnlent,  Samaritan  JVVr- 
vine  is  invaluable. 

G^Thousandsl 
proclaim  it  the  most 
wonderful      luvigor- 
ant  that  ever  sustain- 
ed a  sinking  system. 
§1.50,  at  Druggists. 
TheDR.  S.  A.  RICHMOND r~ 
MEDICAL  CO.,  SolePro-l 
prietors.  St.  Joseph.  Mo. 

For  testimonials  and  circulars  Bend  stamp. 

Chas.  N.  Crittentori,  Agent,  New  York.    (8) 


[]n|e|r1v|eD 


[CONQUEROR^ 


DIVIDEND     NOTICE. 

THE  GERMAN  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN  SOCIETY. 

For  the  half  year  ending  June  30th,  1SS3,  the  Board  of 
Directors  of  the  GERMAN  SAVINGS  AND  LOAN 
SOCIETY  has  declared  a  dividend  on  Term  Deposits,  at 
the  rate  of  four  and  thirty-two  one-hundredths  (4  32-100) 
per  cent,  per  annum,  and  on  Ordinary  Deposits  at  the 
rate  of  three  and  six-tentbs  [3  6-10)  per  cent,  per  annum, 
free  f ro  n  Federal  Taxes,  and  payable  nn  and  after  the 
2d  day  of  July,  1883.      By  order, 

GEO.   LETTE,  Secretary. 


DIVIDEND      NOTICE. 

SAN  FRANriSro  SAVINGS  UNION, 
532  California  Street,  cor.  Webb. 
For  the  half  year  ending  June  30th,  1883,  a  Dividend 
has  been  declared  at  the  rate  of  four  and  thiity-two  une- 
hundredths  (4  32-100)  per  cent,  per  annum  on  Term  De- 
posits, and  three  and  *ixty  one-hundredths  (3  (iO-100)  per 
cent,  per  annum,  on  Ordinary  Deposits,  tree  of  taxes,  pay- 
able on  and  after  Thursday,  12th  Julv,  1883. 

LoVKLL  WHITE.  Cashier. 


^^Uf3r™t.-.l1.c..«M.rtr..!.    '     $83 

.    .    EgM  Organs     for     only 
1$50.     Sp.'..aibar(:Hi.ie 

11  an  Or. .in.  ami  Pinn.->f..rti'«. 
<■-■  1-1  Tor  mM*  nm  n  ■■ i  rirlrf  t 

3  |H|i  CATALOGUE 

-'iii.   It,-,,. I,,. 1,1.  „n„r„d. 

rJa!  ilfi       VISITORS  WELCOME 


§0M 

D&NIEL  F.  BEJTTY,  W1SHIHGT0N,  HEW  JERSEY, 


<y !  -  ^-:  ilj :  M' .-  j.v.  1 1 ; . .- '.  -:.!  ij  jl  i  H  ti  U  AV."iV.°.-U'iiV»;iMWiTOW 


14 


THE    WASP. 


THE    EUROPEAN     PARAGRAPHERS, 


A.  "  Well  if  that  isn't  a  regular  swindle  ! 
Here's  Dr.  Michel,  of  Ems,  advertising  in  the 
papers  that  half  of  his  clients,  during  the  last 
bathins"  season,,  were  fully  restored  to  health  ! 
B.  "  I  can  quite  believe  that— he  had  only  two 
patients.  —Fliegende  Blatter. 

Once  when  Thiers  was  staying  in  London  he 
wrote  to  Ellice,  who  was  at  that  time  Chancellor 
of  the  Exchequer,  a  note  to  the  following  effect  : 
"  Dear  Ellice— I  wish  to  become  thoroughly  ac- 
quainted with  the  financial  system  of  England. 
When  can  you  spare  me  rive  minutes  ?  " — Xeiten, 
Volker  and  Menschen. 

A  parvenu  was  boasting  the  other  day  of  his  ex- 
tensive journeying  in  all  parts  of  the  world,  when 
a  gentleman  in  the  company  remarked,  "  Then  I 
suppose  you  are  well  acquainted  with  geography  ?  " 
"  Well,  no,  I  was  never  there  ;  but  I  must  have 
been  very  near  to  it  in  my  travels,"  was  the  intelli- 
gent reply.  —  Vie  Parisienwi. 

Shortly  after  his  marriage  with  the  eldest 
daughter  of  the  Queen  of  England,  the  present 
Crown  Prince  of  Prussia  visited,  together  with  the 
Prince  of  Wales,  the  military  barracks  of  Carl- 
strasse.  The  Prince  was  visibly  surprised  to  see, 
on  entering  the  first  room  the  likeness  of  Princess 
Victoria  hanging  over  the  Corporal's  table.  After 
wandering  through  several  of  the  rooms  in  each  of 
which  the  royal  visitors  had  found  a  portrait  of  the 
Princess,  Prince  William  remarked  to  his  brother- 
in-law,  as  they  stepped  into  another  room  :  "Look  ! 
There  she  is  again  !  I  feel  half  inclined  to  be 
jealous  ;  she  seems  to  be  a  general  favorite  here." 
But  the  soldiers,  in  their  anxiety  to  create  a  pleas- 
ant surprise  for  the  Prince,  had  practiced  a  little 
piece  of  deception  a  la  Potemkin.  As  the  whole 
company  possessed  only  one  portrait  of  the  Princess, 
they  contrived  to  make  it  do  duty  in  each  of  the 
rooms  in  turn.  As  soon  as  Prince  Frederick  Wil- 
liam's back  was  turned,  while  speaking  with  one  of 
the  soldiers,  the  picture  was  taken  down,  carried 
into  the  next  room,  and  hung  over  the  table  of  the 
Corporal.  — Berliner  Tagblatt. 


A  country  paper  decribes  how  the  local  under- 
taker was  thrown  from  from  a  spring-cart  while 
bringing  a  corpse  for  burial.  The  corpse,  it  appears, 
then  took  up  the  reins,  drove  on,  got  to  the 
cemetery,  and  there  delivered  itself  up  to  the 
gravedigger,  who  jammed  it  in  its  cottin,  rolled  it 
into  the  grave,  and  made  all  right  by  the  time  the 
undertaker  came  round.  This  is  what  the  grave- 
digger  says,  anyhow,  and  the  undertaker  supports 
him.  The  undertaker  also  accuses  the  corpse  of 
having  knocked  him  out  of  the  cart  because  he 
wouldn't  stop  it  at  a  hotel  on  the  road.  This  is 
a  most  uncommon  story,  and  does  great  credit  to 
the  quality  of  the  local  rum.  But,  before  we  give 
it  unconditional  credence,  we  should  like  to  hear 
the  corpse:s  version. 


'A    GOOD    EGG." 


One  of  the  best  equipped,  best  appointed  and  best  con- 
ducted railroads  in  the  world  is  the  Chicago,  Burlington 
&  Cjuincy.  The  science  of  making  passengers  comfort- 
able has  been  carried  by  the  managers  to  the  verge  of 
perfection,  as  thousands  of  Californians  can  testify  ;  and 
strangers  from  Europe  and  the  Orient  are  uniformly  de- 
lighted at  the  practical  proof  they  receive  on  this  road  of 
the  splendid  results  wrought  by  competion,  skill  and  en- 
terprise. The  agent  in  this  city,  Mr.  T.  D.  McKay,  is 
one  of  the  most  energetic  and  efficient  in  the  whole  coun- 
try. He  came  here  with  a  splendid  reputation  for  energy, 
judgment,  tact  and  courtesy— qualities  which  his  every 
act  has  manifested  in  superior  degree.  The  directors  of 
the  "  C.  B.  &  Q.",  as  the  road  is  familiarly  called  all  over 
the  United  States,  have  good  reason  to  be  satisfied  with 
Mr.  McKay's  attention  to  their  interests,  and  the  travel 
ing  public  with  his  care  for  their  own. 


VALUABLE  PRIZES. 

Messrs.  Goldstein  &  Cohen  have  displayed  in  their  store 
windows  -No.  822  Market  street-  the  prizes  to  be  given 
away  at  their  Grand  Masquerade  Ball  which  takes  place 
at  the  Pavilion  on  .Tuly  3d.  They  give  in  addition  one 
prize  of  a  $750  Piano. 


While  Marshal  Sebastiana  was  French  Minister 
in  England  he  sat  next  Lord  Palmerston  at  a  city 
dinner,  and  after  listening  to  all  that  was  said  in 
praise  of  England  in  the  various  speeches  delivered 
during  the  evening,  he  remarked  to  his  neighbor  : 
"Oh,  my  Lord,  if  I  were  not  a  Frenchman  I  should 
wish  to  be  an  Englishman  !  "  "  And  I,"  coldly  re- 
plied old  Pam,  "if  I  were  not  an  Englishman 
should  wish  to  be  one." 


The  young  man  was  trying  to  play  sober.  He 
sat  with  the  young  lady  on  the  front  steps.  He 
studied  for  a  long  time,  trying  to  think  of  some- 
thing that  would  illustrate  his  sobriety.  Finally 
he  looked  up,  and  solemnly  said:  "The  (hie) 
moon's  as  full  as  a  goose  :  ain't  it?  " 


"  No,"  cried  Modjeska,  in  her  beautiful  broken 
English,  smiling  compassionately  on  an  infatuated 
millionaire,  "  I  haf  no  loafer  but  my  husband." 
Thoughtfully  he  ambled  away,  deeply  reflecting. 


Squire  :  "  Where  are  ye  goin'  wid  the  pig,  Pat  ?" 
Pat  •  "  Ah  !  that's  just  what  T  can't  tell  yer 
hornier."  Squire:  "Why  not?"  Pat:  "Sure 
the  baste  'ud  hear  me  !  It'sharrd  work  gittin'  him 
along  annyhow." 

EXCURSIONS  TO  SANTA  CRUZ. 

The  South  Pacific  Coast  Railroad  Sunday  Excursions 
leave  the  Alameda  Ferry  every  Sunday  morning  for  the 
Big  Trees  and  Santa  Cruz.  This  is  a  most  delightful 
trip,  and  only  $3  fare  to  go  and  return,  giving  ample  time 
for  bathing,  visiting  the  beautiful  city  of  Santa  Cruz,  and 
for  a  stop  at  the  Big  Trees.  The  scenery  in  the  Santa 
Cruz  Mountains  is  exceedingly  beautiful. 

DENTISTRY. 
C.  ().  Dean,  D.  D.  S.,  126  Kearny  street,  San  Francisco. 


H.  It.  Macfarlanb. 


Gbo.  W.  Macfarlane. 


Tightness  in  the  chest  is  a  forerunner  of  disease.  Sa- 
maritan Nervine  is  the  antidote.     §1.50. 

"  Every  epileptic  sufferer  ought  to  try  Samaritan  Ner- 
vine at  once,"  says  Rev.  J.  T.  Etter,  of  New  Glarus,  Wis. 
"  It's  a  never  failing  remedy." 


WELLS'   "  ROUGH  ON  CORNS.'1 
Ask  for  Wells1  "  Rough  on  Corns."    15c.    Quick  ;  com- 
plete ;   permanent  cure.     Corns,  warts,  bunions. 

*The  celebrated  Vegetable  Compound  for  females, 
which,  within  a  few  years,  has  made  the  name  of  Mrs. 
Lydia  E.  Pinkham  known  in  every  part  of  the  civilized 
world,  relieves  suffering  by  the  safe  and  sure  methods  of 
equalizing  the  vital  forces  and  thus  regulating  the  organic 
functions.  It  is  only  by  such  a  method  that  disease  is 
ever  arrested  and  removed. 

No  matter  what  your  ailment  is,  Brown's  Iron  Bitters 
will  surely  benefit  you. 


FLIES  AND    BUGS. 

Flies,  roaches,  ants,  bed-bugs,  rats,  mice,  gophers,  chip- 
munks, cleared  out  by  "  Rough  on  Rats."    15. 


G.  W.  Macfarlane  &  Co. 

IMPORTERS         AND 

Commission      Merchants. 

I  lltl  -I'ltlio!      BIIILUINC 58     <H  I  I\      VIKIt.T, 

Honolulu,  Hawaiian   IslnmlH. 


AMUSEMENTS. 

Bush  Street  Theater. 

M.   B.   LEAVITT Lessee  and  Manager 

AL.   HAYMAN Associate  Manager 

Wm.  Emerson Sole  Proprietor  and  Manager. 

MONDAY.     -     ~~  -   JUNE  18th, 

|  GRAND     OPENING     Of 

EMERSON'S    NEW    MINSTREL 
COMPANY. 

The  greatest  organization  in  tha  world. 

ORIGINAL    POPULAR     PRICES: 

Dress  Circle  and  Orchestra 75  cents 

Family  Circle 50  cents 

Matinee 50  cents  and  25  cents 

Seats  secured  six  days  in  advance.      No  extra  charge  to 
reserve  seats.     Box  Sheet  now  open. 

GOLDSTEIN    &  COHEN'S 


J±.  W.  Fink, 

50  and   51 
WASHINGTON   MARKET, 

Is  Sole  Agent  for  my  brand  of 
Botteb  known  as  L.  K*  BALD- 
WIN'S DAIRY  BUTTER  put 
up  in  4i  lt>.  Squares  and  211).  Roles. 
Only  genuine  when  stamped  with 
my  name  in  full. 

L.  K.  BALDWIN. 


AMUSEMENTS. 


Tivoli  Garden. 

Eddy  street,  between  Market  and  Mason. 
Keeling  Bnoa Proprietors  and  Managert- 

First  week  and  unbounded  auecess  of  Auber's 
Romantic   Opera,  in  three  acts, 

FEA     DIAVOLO ! 

Elegant  Costumes,  enlarged  Chorus  and  Orchestra  and 
a  powerful  cast.* 


Grand  Masqerade  Ball 


MECHANICS'^  A  VILION, 
July  3d^  1883. 

70     PRIZES     TO     BE     COMPETED     FOR. 

Twenty  Prizes  for  Handsomest  Dressed  Characters. 
Twenty  Prizes  for  Best  Sustained  Characters. 
Twenty  Prizes  for  Most  Original  Characters. 
Nine  Special   Prizes  and  one  Grand  Special  Ladies' 
Prize,  for   spectator  or   masker,  consisting  of   one  Grand 
Cabinet,  latest  style,  Antisel  Piano,  value  $750,  for  the 
luckiest  lady. 

All  the  prizes  arc  displayed  in  the  windows  of  (.OLD 
STEIN  &  OOHN'S   Leading  Hair  Stove,  822  Market 
street. 

Prices    of    Admission  : 

Floor  Tickets, §1    Spectators  Tickets, .  ,50c. 

Reserved  Seats, 50c.  extra. 


'76. 
July  4th, 


so*: 


July  4th. 


Grand  PrizeBa,!  Masque 


TO    BE  GIVEN    BY   THE 


ORIGINAL  HORRIBLES 

MECHANICS'    PAVILION. 

JTJLT_  4  TH. 

$1,500   Worth    of  Prizes   to   be    Competed    For. 

Prizes   on   Exhibition  at  the  Jewelry  Store  of  J.  W. 
TUCKER,  corner  Geary  and  Kearny  streets. 


July  4th. 


July  4th. 


July  4th. 


Floor  Tickets, One  Dollnr. 

Spectators, Fifty  Cents. 


THE     WASP. 


15 


PACIFIC    COAST   STEAMSHIP  CO. 

Steamer   of  this  Company  will  sail  from  Broadway 
^Whnrf.  Sail  Francisco,  for  port*  in  California,  Ore- 
,  ran,    Washington    and    Idaho  Territories,   British 
— -       "—J  Columbia  and  Alaska,  as  follows  : 

Calirornln  Southern  4'onst  Rontc-  The  Steamers  ORI- 
ZABA and  AHOON  Miil  even  five  days  at  9  A.  H.  for  San  Luis 
Obispo,  Santa  Barbara,  Los  Angeles  and  San  DicKO.  as  follows  : 
ORIZABA,  10th,  20th  and  30th  of  each  month, 
and  2otn  of  each  month.  The  Steamer  LOS  AN(;  I 
Wednesday  at  8  A.  a.  for  Santa  Cruz,  Monterey,  San  Simeon  Cay. 
ocos,  San  l.ins  Obispo,  Oaviota,  Santa  Barbara  and  San  Buena- 
ventura. 

.t^!"*'1  •'•'"•"■•In  and  Aln«k:i  Koule.  —  Steamship 
IDAHO,  carrying  D.  S.  Mails,  sails  from  Portland,  Oregon 
on  or  about  the  1st  of  each  month,  for  Port  Townsend  W  T  Vic- 
toria and  Nannimo,  B.  C,  Fort  Wranral,  Sitka  and  Ilarrisbure 
Alaska,  connecting  at  Port  Townsend  with  Victoria  and  Puget 
Sound.  Steamer  leaving  San  Francisco  on  the  last  Fridav  of  the 
same  month. 

I^I*i^J,n0^,5??"l*,,'[,■,  s»nndRonlr.  The  StcnmorsGEO.  W 
tLDLK  and  DAKOTA,  tarrying  Her  Brittanic  Majesty's  and  United 
States    mails,    sail    from    Broadway  Wharf,    San     Francisco     at 

LS"  »"-..fTt'P  r'ia£y:  lor  Vict«™,  B.  C.  Port  Towns- 
end,  Seattle,  Tacoma,  Stellaecom  and  Olympin,  making  close 
connexion  with  steamboats,  etc.,  for  Skag'it  River  and  Cassiar 
Mines,  Nanaimo,  New  Westminster,  Yale,  Sitka  and  all  other  im- 
portant points.  Returning,  leave  Seattle  and  Port  Townsend  at  1 
P.  *.,  every  t'rhln.v.  and  Victoria  (Esuuimault)  at  11  a  h 
every  Sntnrtluy. 

Not«.-Our  Steamer  VICTORIA  jails  for  New  Westminster  and 
ganaimo  about  every  two  weeks,  as  per  advertisements  in  the  San 
r  raneisco  Alta  or  Gl'luK. 

Portland,  Oregon,  Ronle.-The  Oregon  Railway  and  Havi- 
gation  Company  and  the  Paciac  Coast  Steamship  Company  dis- 
patch from  Spear  Street  Wharf  one  of  the  steamships  OCEEV  OF 
THE  PACIFIC.  STATE  OF  CALIFORNIA^  OREGON  orCOLuk- 
BIA.  carrymg  the  United  States   Mail  and  Wells,  Fargo  &  Co  's 

SX"^  *al'"'-,"'»  -    Ma;  Sd,  6th.  oth,  12th,  ir,th,  isth,  2iet, 

rifr  -VI  SOth  and  "'"i  'c,|lt"™'K  third  day  for  Portland  and 
Astoria,  Oregon. 

rnKSES?  a?d.  Hnn'boWt  Bay  Koute.-Steanier  CITY  OF 
rT     v    ■     o  m  ba"  Fram?isco  for  Eureka,  Areata,  Hookton 

Humbolt  Bay)  every  Wednesday  at  9  A.  si. 

<  -P,°N-5,,x-£r''?",  on*,    Mendocino   Home Steamer   COX- 

b TAN. TUNE  sails  from  Broadway  Wharf,  San  Francisco,  at  3  p.  M 
every  Monday  for  Point  Arenas,  Cuffey's  Cove,  Little  River  and 
JU'-iidocmo. 

Ticket  Office,  214  Montgomery  Street. 

(Opposite  the  Russ  House) 
GOODALL,  PERKINS  &  CO.,  General  Agents 
No.  10  Market  Street.  San  Francisco. 


The  Great  Burlington  Route. 

CHICAGO,  BURLINGTON  & 
QUINC Y  RAILROAD 

E  A  S  TJW~A.  R  D  . 

Is  Thk  Old  Favorite  and  Pbdjcipal  Like  From 
omaha,  Kansas;  city.  at<  ih><>\  s st.  Joseph 

For  CHICAGO, 

ST.  LOUIS, 

MILWAUKEE, 
DETROIT,    NIAGARA   FALLS, 
NEW       YORK,       BOSION, 

And  all  points  East  and  Southeast. 
lHi,  LIXE  COMPRISES  nearly  4,000  miles.  Solid, 
Smooth  Steel  Track.  All  connections  are  made  in  UNION 
DEPOTS.  It  has  a  National  Reputation  as  being  THE 
GEEAT  THROUGH  CAR-LINE  and  is  ojuversally 
conceded  to  be  the  FINEST  EQUIPPED  railroad  in  the 
world  for  all  classes  of  travel. 

Try  it,  and  you  will  find  traveling  a  luxury  instead  of  a 
discomfort. 

Through  Tickets  via  this  celebrated  line  for  sale  at  all 
offices  in  the  West. 

All  information  about  Hates  of  Fare,  Sleeping-Car  Ac- 
commodations, Time  Tables,  etc.,  will  be  cheerfully  given 
by  applying  to 

T-    JA    ''.OTTER.  PERCEVAL    LOWELL, 

Iren  1  Manager,  Oen'l  Passenger  Agt. 

Chicago,  Ills.  Chicago,  Ills. 

T.   D.  McKAY...... General  Agent 

fianibal  and  St.  Joseph  and 
Chicago,  Burlington  and  Quincy  Railroads, 
Vi  Montgomery  Street. 

Morris  &    Kennedy 

19  and  Mi   Post  Street. 

Artists'  Materials  and  Frames 

FREE    GALLERY. 


THE       S  C  E  N  I  C       LINE. 

SOUTH  PACIFIC^  COAST  R.  R. 

Oakland.    Alameda,   Newark,    -an    Jose,  Lo*  Cato«. 
••I'""  '"Mi.  Felton,   Big    in.-  and  SnnUi  Cruz. 

pICTl'RESQUE  SCENERY,  MOUNTAIN  VIEWS,  BIG  TREES; 
•*■  Santa  Cum  Valley,  Monterey  Bay.  Forty  miles  shorter  to 
SANTA  CKl'Z  than  any  other  route.  No  chanj?e  o(  cars  ;  no  dust. 
Equipment  and  road  bed  Bret-class.  PASSENGER  TRAINS  leave 
station,  foot  of  Market  street,  BOUTO  hidk,  at 

8iOfJ  A-  **'■  ^ilv.  West  San  Lorenzo,  West  San  Leandro,  Rub- 
»OM  ttells,  ML  Eden,  Alvarado,  Halls,  Newark,  Centerville, 
Mowrya,  Alviso,  Agnewg,  Santa  Clara,  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gatoe, 
Alma,  Wrights,  Highland,  Glen  wood,  DouL'hertvs,  Felton  BigTrees 
and  SANTA  CKL'Z,  arriring  12  M.      Parlor  ear 

2tQfi  P«  M.  (Suuda  -  •  eptod),  Express:  Mt.  Eden,  Alvarado, 
■UU  Newark,  Centerville,  Alviso,  Agnews,  Santa  Clara,  SAN 
JOSE.  Los  Gates  and  even- station  to  SANTA  ( lll'Z,  arriving 
8:16  P.  M.    Parlor  ear. 

4«Qfl  P.  M.  (Sundays  excepted),  for  SAN  JOSE,  Los  Gatos  and 
■  OU  intermediate  stations.     Through  to  Santa  Cruz  on  Sat- 
urdays.   Leave  Santa  Cruz,  Sundays,  5*35  P.  M. 

Stages  connect  with  all  trains  for  CONGRESS  SPRINGS  at  Los 
Gatos.     Through  fare,  $2  58.    Round  trip,  $4  25. 
tfJC  EXCURSIONS   TO   SANTA  CRUZ  AND   $2.50  TO  SAN 
U>  V  Jose  on  Saturdays  and  Sundays,  to  return  until  Monday  in- 
clusive. 

ttQ  F.xear*lon*  to  BIG  TREES  or  SANTA  CRUZ,  bvrry 
•»0      Sunday,  S:30  A.  M. 

TO    OAJLLAVD     l\I»     ALAMEDA. 

§6:30-7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30— 11:30  A.  M.  «[12:30-1:30-2:30- 
3:30— J:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30— Hi:,     io;:.0  and  11:35  P.  M. 

From  l  mi  r((  .-nth  and  Webster  streets,  Oakland— §5:57 
—§6:67-7:57-8:52— 9:52-10:52— mil:52  A.  M.  12:52—1:52—2:62 
—3:62— 4:52— 5:52— 6:52— 9  35  -10-52-11  -52.  At  7  52  P.  M. , 
daily,  for  Alameda.     Sundays,  only  to  San  Francisco. 

From  HlfEh  street,  Alameda— §5:45-§6:45— 7:45— 8:35-9^5 
—10:35— "111:35  A.  M.  12:35— 1:35-2:35— 3:35— 4:35— 5:35-«:35 
—9-20-10:35   -1T85P.  M. 

§  Sundays  excepted.     «I  Saturdays  and  Sundays  only. 

Stations  in  Oakland,  but  two  blocks  from  Broadway,  connecting 
with  all  street  car  Lines,  for  Piedmont,  Temeseal,  University,  Cem- 
eteries, etc.     Time  as  short  as  bv  any  other  route.    Try  it. 

TICKET,  Telegraph  and  Transfer  offices  ■>»'»  Montgomery  street, 

S.  F. ;    Twelfth  and  Webster,   Oakland ;     Park  street,  Alameda. 

A.  H.  FRACKER,  R,  M.  GARRATT, 

May  15th.  Gen']  Supt.  G.  F.  &  P.  Agt 


D?  THOMAS   HALL'S 


ABSOLUTELY     PURE 

A  delightful,  appetizer,  giving  tone  and  strciigcft 
to  the  stomach,  and  as  a  tonic  beverage  it  has  no 
equal;  will  cure  Dyspepsia  or  Indigestion,  Fever 
and  Ague,  Biliousness,  Genera  Debility  and 
kindred  diseases. 

This  tonie  is  most  beneficial  in  its  results  ;  it 
braces  the  system,  creates  an  appetite,  and  de- 
stroys that  wretched  feeling  of  ennui  which  we 
constantly  labor  under  in  this  enervating  climate. 
The  tonie  for  its  medical  qualities  excels  anv 
other  ever  offered  to  the  public,  having  taken  the 
first  premium  at  the  fairsr,of  Sacramento,  San 
Jose,  Stoekton,  Oakland  and  San  Francisco  for 
absolute  purity,  made  from  pure  California  Port 
Wine,  Wine  of  P.  psin  and  Elixir  Calisaya. 

ffSTFor  sale  everywhere  thrroughout  the  State. 
Depot  at  JAMES  H.  GATES' drug  store,  cor.  New 
Montgomery  and  Howard  streets,  San  Francisco. 


OK   -fr\   dJQft  p^r  day  at  home.     Samples  worth  £5   free. 


I  Address  Stinson  s,  Co.,  Portland,  Maine. 


NORTHERN  PACIFIC  RAILROAD 

Oregon    Railway    and   Navigation    Co. 

WITH  THEIR  UNIQUE  AND  VARIED  ROUTES  OF  RTVKE 
and  Rail  Transportation  pein  tr.it,  j!  ...  ttona  of  the  Pacific 
Northwest,  and  form  direct  routes 

Tp  tbe  Colombia  To  the  Dalle-,  Umatilla,  Pendleton,  WaBa 
Walla,  Dayton,  the  Palou-r  Ctumtrv  Snake  River  Polnfe,  J.n<i 
Lewiaton  ; 

1'p  tbe  I'end  d'Orellle  Division— Tu  Ainsworth,  Cheney, 
Snrague,  Spokane  Falls,  Lake  Pend  d'Oreille,  and  all  pointe  In 
Northern  Idaho  and  Mont-m  i  ; 

Up  Ibe  WUlatuelte  Valley -To  Oregon  City,  Salem,  and 
the  beautiful  country  of  Southern  Oregon  ; 

Dmvn  tbe  Colnmbla  —Through  the  uiostjneturesque'scene- 
ry  to  Astoria  and  Intermediate  Points. 

Over  to  Puget  Sonud--To  T:v  oma,  <  "l;,  mpia.f Seattle,  Port 
Townsend,  Victoria  and  Belingham  Bay— a  section  unrivaled  lor 
its  delightful  climate  and  charming  prospects. 


The  Northern  Pacific  is  the  New  Route 
for  Montana. 

Dully  Stages  connect  with   trains  on  Clurk's  ^Fork  Division, 
direct  for  Mlsttonlu  and  all  neighboring  points. 

JOHN       MUIR, 

Sup't  of  Traffic.  Portland,  Oregon. 
San  Frunelneo  office  -2M  Monlgouker)  St. 

i  863.      Only    Pebble    Establishment.      1882 


>LEAD1NS  OPTICIAN 


PEBBLE    SPECTACLES! 


MULLER'S  OPTICAL  DEPOT 

•  135  Montgomery  St.,  near  Bush. 
Specialty  for  32  years.        Established,  S.  F.,  1863. 
WHOLESALE  AND  RETAIL. 
The  most    complicated  cases  of  defective   vision 
thoroughly  diagnosed,  free   of   charge. 

Compound  Astigmatic  Lenses  Mounted 
to  Order 

^•AT  TWO  HOURS'  NOTICE..^ 

J.  D.  SPRECKELS  &  BROS., 

Shipping  *  Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

...  AOENTS    FOB.... 

spreckels'  Line  of  Hawaiian  Packets, 

S.  S.  Hepworth's   Centrifugal  Machines, 

Beed's  Patent  Pipe  and  Boiler  Covering. 

No.  327   Market  Street, 

Corner  Fremont,  SAN    FRANCISCO. 


620     Market     Street, 

BURR  &  FINK,  Merchant    Tailors, 


Opp.  Palace  Hotel  Entrance, 


<J/le  Jfa4ti 


a4J> 


CLASSICAL  MUSIC  IN  SAN  FRANCISCO. 


]ry  "OUR  LITTLE  BEAUTIES,'---RocTGdAaR1rprTrd--- 


Pure,  Mild," 
Fragrant  and  Sweet.' 


.  ALLEN  &  GINTER, 

MnnnfticlniTw,     Richmond,     Ya. 


|ICOLL  JS\  H  E  JAILOR 


POPULAR     PRICES!  POPULAR    TAILOR' 

LARGE 


Wen's    Furnishing     Goods. 


STOCK!  Men's  and  Boys' 

_  g  "     CHOICE  WOOLEN     "  J[  Ready-Made  Chthing.  And  Fancy  Neckwear. 

ftm.pk-s  with^nstructiops  for  Self-Measurement  Sent  Free.  816  &  818  Market  Street,  San  FrancisCO. 


I 


POPULAR    STYLES ! 


NEW 

ENGLAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 


Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric  Acid 


Cream  Tartar  and  Bi-CarB.  Soda 
NOTHING  ELSE 

Newton  Bros,  ft  Co. 

SAN  FRANCISCO 


AN 
Extraordinary 


Razor 


FAS  BEEN  INVENTED  BY  THE  QUEEN'S 
1  OWN  CO.  of  England.  The  edge  and  body 
is  so  THIN  and  FLEXIBLE  AS  NEVER  TO  RE- 
QURE  GRINDING,  and  hardly  ever  setting.  It 
glides  over  the  face  like  a  piece  of  velvet,  making 
shaving  quite  a  luxury.  It  ia  CREATING  A 
GREAT  EXCITEMENT  in  Europe  among  the 
experts,  who  pronounce  it  PERFECTION. 
Two  dollars  in  buffalo  handle ;  S3  in  ivory. 
Every  Razor,  to  be  genuine,  must  bear  on  the 
reverse  side  the  name  of  NATHAN  JOSEPH, 
641  Clay  street,  San  Francisco,  the  only  place  in 
the  United  States  where  they  are  obtained.  Trade 
supplied  ;  sent  by  mail  10c  extra  or  C.  O.  D. 

The  Queen's  Own  Company  having  en- 
larged their  factory,  are  now  making  PEARL  and 
IVORY  CARVING  KNIVES,  TABLE  and  POCKET 
KNIVES,  HUNTING  KNIVES  and  SCISSORS,  of 
the  Bame  quality  as  their  marvelously  wonderful 
RAZOR. 


DANICHEFTT 
Kid  Gloves -1- 

ALWAYS    GIVE    SATISFACTION 

Factory,  119  Dupont  Street, 

Bet.  Geary  and  Post San  Francisco 


OCEANIC  STEAMSHIP  CO. 

J.    D.     SPRECKELS     &    BRO'S, 
337    Market    Street, 

0WNEB3   OF 

Spreclcels'Line   of  Packets. 

Packages  and  Freight  to  Honolulu. 


SIBEBIAlN"    ZB^ZDS^ZMI 

CURES  Catarrh,  Asthma,  Croup,  Coughs,  Cold-,  Affec- 
tions of  the  Bronchial  Tubes  and  Pulmonary  Organs,  Dis- 
eases of  the  Kidneys  and  Urinary  Organs.  It  reaches  the 
diseases  through  the  blood  and  removes  the  cause. 

DEPOT,     415    MOXTGOMEBY    STREET. 


Ill  is- ask    For          Q 

Willows  Deer. 

Brewed  by  0.  FAUSS  &  Co. 
WILLOWS    BREWERY. 

S.  E.  Cor.  Mission  and  19th  Sts.,  San  Francisco. 

ATKINS    MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR  TO 

MASSEY    &    YONO, 
No.    GS1    SW'IMMENTO    STREET. 

First  House  below  Kearny.       San  Frakcisco. 

JESSE  MOORE 


S  K  E  Y 

Superior   in 

QUALITY. 


[MOORE,  HUNT  &  CO., 

417  and  419 
Market        Street, 

San    Francisco. 


C.  Deireese,  Jr., 

San  _  Francisco, 

C.   II.    Moore, 

0  F 

JESSE  MOORE  &  Co 
Louisville,  Ky. 

II.  B.  Hum , 

San  Francisco. 


Prestisb  Selbt,  Sup't. 


H.  B.  Underbill,  JR.,Sec'y. 


Selby    Smelting;    and    Lead    Co. 

MANUFACTURERS  OP  

Lead  Pipe,  S  icet  Lead,  Shot,  Bar  Lead,  Vis  Lead,  Solder,  Antifriction  Metal,  Lead 

Sash  Weights,  Lead  Traps,  Block  Tin.  Pipe,  Blue  Stone,  Etc. 

Office,    416    Montgomery   Street,      -  San    Francisco- 

Refiners  of  Gold  and  Silver  Bars  and  Lead  Bullion.  Lead  and  Silver  Greg  Purchased. 


ASK   YOUR    GROCER    FOR   THE 


MANUFACTURED    BY    THE 

Celebrated  Hungarian  Process. 

ii-Sr  See  loeal  notice  In  another  column, 


COLD       S^ETSTTJCUrS'       WHISKEY.-gi 


im:m:oivi>9s 


■  Mtmniiiiuiiiuiiiii 


NABOB 


THE  BEST 
In  the  World. 
ASK  YOUR. 

Druggist  or  Grocer  for  it. 


»"DEPOT,  429  AND  431  BATTERY  STREET.  SAN  FRANCISCO. "W 


KOHLER  A  <  n  VSi:.  13}  to  139  Post  St., 

Sole  Agents  for  the  Celebrated 

Decker  Bro'sPiano 

Also  for  the 
FISt  II Kit  and  the  EMERSON  Pianos. 

Cash  or  installments.     Largest  Piano  and  Music 
Bouse  on  the  Coast.     

H.  R.  Williar,  Jr.  A.  Carlisle. 

A.    CARLISLE    &  CO. 

Commercial  Stationes, 

226     CALIFORNIA    STREET, 

San    Francisco 

H.     HOESCH, 

Res  taurant 

Bakery  and  Confectionery, 

417    Pine    Street 

Bet.  Montgomery  and  Kearny,  San  Francisco. 

THE    NEVADA  BANK 


OF    SAN    FRANCISCO. 


Capital  Paid  Up 
Reserve  IJ.  S.  Bonds 


$3,000,000 
•      4,500,000 


Agency  at  New  York 62  Wall  street 

Agency  at  Virginia,  Nevada. 

Buys  and  sells  Exchange  and  Telegraphic  Trans- 
fers. Issues  Commercial  and  Travelers'  Credits. 

This  Bank  has  special  facilities  for  dealing  in 
Bullion. 


N.  Van  Bergen  &  Co., 

SOLE  AGENTS  FOB, 

"COLD  DUST"   WHISKEY 

413    Claj-   Street, 

SAN  FRANCISCO.  California. 


PianoS 


Obicfeerlng &  Bona. Boston  ;  Bluthner.Lelpzig; 
P.  L.  Neumann,  Hamburg;  G.  Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS    TO    RENT. 

B.  CURTAZ,  20  O'Farrell  St 

NEAR  MARKET.  SaN  FRANCISCO. 


J.  J.  Palmer. 


Valentine  Ret. 


PALMER  &  REY, 

Importers  of  Printing  and  Lithographing 

tpiriessies 

And      Material. 

Sole  agents  for  Cottrell  &  Babcock,  Peerless  and 
Campbell  presses,  and  new  Baxter  engines  ;  also 
makers  of  the  Excelsior  steam  engines, 

Wareroom  s,  405  &  40  7  Sansonie  St.  S.  F 

We  have  on  hand  at  present  a  large  number  of 
second-hand  printing  presses, 


CRAIG     &       KREMPLE 

SUCCESSORS     TO 

Craiq  and  Son, 
UNDE  RTAKE  R  S 

Ann    EMBALMERS, 
22  &  26  MINT  AVENUNE. 

The  finest  Reception  Rooms  in  the  Stats. 

All  orders  promptly  attended  to. 

Telephone,  No.  3047. 


DRINK  FALK'S  MILWAUKEE   BEER. 


o 

o 

O 

W 


«^  HARDWOOD   LUMBER. -.££2 


W  igemore, 

SPEAK    STREET,    SAN     FRANCISCO 


DOME  &  HENSHELWOOD-Popular  Dry  floods  House-132  Kearny  St,sutter 


THE  UNIVERSAL 

BENEVOLENT  ASSOCIA- 
TION of  California  for  Un- 
married Persons. 

OFFICE,  1038  MISSION   STREET. 


NO   CURE,     NO    PAY  I 

T\R.  MacLENi; AN,  Vital  Core,  224  Kearny  st, 
A^  Consultation  Free.  For  the  thorough  treatment 
and  quick  cure  of  all  curable  diseases  without  the  use 
of  poisonous  drugs,  painful  surgery  or  dangerous 
treatment  The  most  hopeless  cases  taken  and  cured 
after  all  other  means  have  failed.  $l,000willbe 
given  for  any  of  our  published  testimonials  that  are 
not  genuine. 

Hon.  E.  C.  MARSHALL,  Attorney-General  for  Cal- 
ifornia, cured  by  Dr.  MacLennan  of  neivous  prostra- 
tion in  a  few  treatments. 

|  iHon.  CHAS.  CROCKER,  "  the  railroad  million- 
aire,*' cured  of  Rheumatism  in  three  treatments. 

Professerr  D.  GONZALLZ  was  given  up  by  his  phy- 
sician to  die  of  sapped  vitality  and  paralysis  ;  was 
carried  perfectly  helpless  to  Dr.  MacLennan  and  cur- 
ed, now  says—"  In  less  than  one  month  I  was  enabled 
to  resume  my  occupation  as  Professor  of  Music  and 
violinist  at  the  Tivoli  Opera  House,  and  ever  since  (for 
over  a  year)  have  continued  in  good  health,  without 
toe  slightest  return  of  my  weakness  or  disease." 

Dr.  J.  WILMHURST,  M.  D.,  M.  R.  C.  S.,  now  at 
Abbotsford  House,  says — "  My  hearing  is  completely 
restored  by  Dr.  MacLennan 's  manipulation  alone." 

Rev.  A.  C.  GILES,  Mendocino,  CaL,  says—  "The 
effect  which  your  treatment  had  upon  me  is  truly 
wonderful.     Altogether  I  feel  like  a  new  man." 

Miss  EMMA  JAMES,  San  Leandro,  CaL,  for  six 
years  a  crippled  invalid,  unable  to  stand  or  walk  ; 
given  up  by  over  a  dozen  doctors  ;  took  two  weeks' 
treatment  of  Dr.  MacLennan  and  recovered. 

Mr.  A.  WALWORTH,  capitalist,  Nevada  City,  came 
to  Dr.  MacLennan  on  two  crutches  and  returned  home 
in  eight  days  without  them 

Mr.  J.  S.  BURLINGAME  left  Eureka,  New,  on  a 
stretcher.  After  taking  a  few  treatments  of  Dr.  Mac- 
Lennan he  returned  home  a  well  man. 

And  over  7,000  others,  which  will  be  sent  free  to 
any  address,  or  upon  application  at  the  office  of  the 
VITAL  CUKE,  224  Kearny  St.  Xo  charges 
made  unless  a  cure  Is  effected. 

OB.  J.  D.  UacLEXX AX. 

Consulting  Physician. 


Throat, 


Catarrh, 


IT  WILL  CURE 
CONSUMPTION 

P.  0.    Box,  1886. 
Address: 

VALENTINE     HiSSMEE. 


Lungs, 


Fevers. 


For  Coughs,  Colds, 
Whooping  Coughs  and 
all  Throat  affections 
it  has  no  equal. 

Washington  SI:,  cor.  Powell,  S.  F. 


JNO.  LEVY  &  CO., 

Makers    and     Importers    of    Fine     Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS,  PRECIOUS   STONES,  WATCHES, 
SILVERWARE,  CARRIAGE  and  MANTEL 

Clocks,  Opera-glasses,  Fans,  Etc., 

118    SETTER    STREET San  Francisco,  Cal, 


GUNPOWDER 


THE  CALIFORNIA  POWDER  WORKS, 

CANNON,  SPORTING,  MINING  AND  HER- 
CULES   POWDER, 

830  CALIFORNIA  STREET, San  Francisco. 

JNO.  F.  LOHSE,  Sec'y.  Mills  at  Santa  Cruz.  Post  Office  Bo*,  20S6. 


FIRE.  MARINE. 

The  Largest  Pacific  Coast  Insurance  Company 


OF    CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,350.000 

HOME  OFFIOE: 

S.  W.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome  Sts. 
SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL. 

D.  J.  Staples,  President. 

Albhecb  Bull,  Vice-President. 
Wm.  J.  Dbtton,  Secretary. 
.  E.  "W.  Carpenter,  Assistant  Secretary. 


H.  B.  MANN. 


O.  L  HUTOH1NSON. 

Hutchinson   &   Mann, 

INSURANCE  AGBNCY,$Z3%?; 
N.E.  Cor.  California  and  Sansome'Sts 


CASH  ASSETS  BEPRE8ENTEP $23,613,618 

W.  L.  Chalmers,  Z.  P.  Clark,  Special  AgentB  and 
Adjusters,  Oapt.  A.  M.  Burns,  Marine  Surveyor. 


FIRE  and 

415  4- ALIFORM  A  ST.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

Capital,    $       ;       ;   9300,000  00. 

OFFICERS— C.  L.  Taylor,  President;  J.  N.  Knowles 
Vice-Prea. ;  Ed.  E.  Potter,  Sec'y  and  Treasurer.  Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart,  R,  D.  Chandler,  Gustave  Nie- 
baum,  J.  B.  Stetson,  J.  J.  McKinnon,  Francis  Blake, 
E,  B.  Pond,  Alfred  Barstow,  C.  L.  Dingley,  J.  N. 
Knowles,  C.  L.  Taylor. 


PACIFIC    DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN  ASSURANCE  CO., 

Of  London, 
406  CALIFORNIA  STREET,  S.  F. 


S.  J.  PEMBROKE, 


Watchmaker  and  Jeweler,  Music  Boxes,  French  Clocks, 


Fine  Fans  and  Art  Bric-a-Brac  repaired,   212    O  FARRELL    ST,,    sa^FraSSuwo. 


DAMASCUS  ! 


Ladies.  -  All  of  you  love  to  be  admired,  and  the  way  to  get  admi- 
ration is  to  have  a  clear,  soft  and  beautiful  complexion.  Creme 
Damascus  and  Powder  Damascus  will  make  the  sallow  skin  lovely, 
and  give  the  health-tints  of  youth,  which  can  be  obtained  by  no 
other  means. 

The  Creme  Damascus  or  lotus  Pearl,'for  the  complexion,  unlike 
most  face  preparations,  does  not  give  a  whitewashed  appearance  to 
the  skin,  but  is  marvelous  in  its  effects,  making  the  complexion  fairer 
and  clearer.  Being  a  safe  preparation,  it  is  a  quick,  and  sure  skin 
purifier. 

The  Creme  Damascus  is  not  a  paint,  but  it  will  make  the  com- 
plexion fair,  velvety,  and  remove  all  pimples,  eruptions,  spots  and 
coarseness,  giving  the  skin  healthiness  and  purity.  Its  effect  is  im- 
mediate.    Regular  size,  50c. ;  large  size,  $1. 

The  Creme  Damascus  is  also  evaporated  into  the  finest  powder 
in  use,  flesh  and  white.  Ladies  who  use  powder  will  be  perfectly 
delighted  with  the  CREME  DAMASCUS  POWDER.  Price  25c. 
and  50c.  per  box. 

Damascus  Boquet  Perfume,  fragrant  and  lasting,  75c.  per  bot- 
le  with  Spray  Atomizer  free. 

Damascus  Shampoo,  an  elegant  Hair  Dressing  and  Hair  Restorer, 
prepared  expressly  for  use  at  home.     §1.00  per  bottle. 


Damasc:  s  Boquet  Toilet  Soap  is  tree  from  all  adulteration. 
Removes  pimples  and  roughness,  and  prevents  the  skin  from  chap- 
ping.    Improves  with  age.     25c.  per  cake;  1  box,  (3  cakes)  65c. 

THE  DAMASCUS  PREPARATIONS. 
Are  prepared  only  by  STODDAET  BROS.,  Wholesale  Druggists, 
New  York. 

Sold  by  Druggists,  Dealers  in  Medicine  and  Fancy  Goods. 
m  If  not  kept  by  your  druggist  or  dealer,  call  or  send  to  our  Pacific 
Coast  Branch  Drug  Store,  San  Francisco.     Remit  by  P.  0.  Order, 
Postage  Stamps,  or  Registered  Letter. 

Address 

STODDART  BROS., 
DRUGGISTS  and   PERFUMERS, 

400   GEARY  STREET,  SAN  FRANCISCO,  CAL 


DR.  LIEBIC 

3D  ispe  nsr  s^:rts^ 

Corner  Geary  and  Mason  Streets, 
San  Francisco,  Gal. 


THE  COLLEGE  INSTITUTE  for  the  cure  of  all 
Special  Complicated  and  so-called  Inxurable  Chronic 
Diseases.  Dr.  Liehig's  German  Invigoraior  is 
Positively  Guaranteed  to  cure  Nervous  and  Physical 
Debility,  Weakness,  Loss  of  Energy,  Ringing 
and  Dizziness  in  (ho  Head,  Melancholia, 
Hopeless    Peelings,   etc. 

The  Doctor,  a  regular  college  physi- 
cian from  Europe,  will  agree  to  forfeit  ONE 
THOUSAND  DOLLARS  for  a  case  the  Luvigora- 
tor  "\\  ill  not  cure  under  special  treatment  and  advice. 

Dr.  Liebig's  Invigorator  No.  2  is  the  only 
positive  cure  for  these  dtseases.  Piice  of  either  In- 
vigorator, $2  per  bottle ,  six  for  $io.     Sent  to  any  address 


on  receipt  of  pnee,  or  C.  O.  D.  Responsible  persons  can 
pay  when  cured.     Strictest  Secrecy  Maintained. 

Patients  cured  at  home.  Dr.  Liebie  Dispensary  has  an 
Elegant  Drug  Store  in  its  building. 

Complaints  readily  yield  to  the  DR.  LIEBIG 
TREATMENT. 

Ordinary  Cases.— Any  recent  case  of  special 
diseases  cured  for  $10.  Remedies  sufficient  to  cure 
will  be  promptly  sent,  with  full  directions  and  advice,  on 
receipt  of  $10.  All  packages  are  securely  covered  from  ob- 
servation. 

Invigorator  Samples  Free  ! 

To  prove  the  wonderful  power  of  the  GREAT  GER- 
MAN INVIGORATOR.  a  S3  BOTTLE  of  either 
number  will  be  sent  free  of  charge.  Persons  or- 
dering a  free  bottle  will  only  have  to  pay  e.\pressage  on 
delivery; 

Most  Powerful  Electric  Belts  Free  to  Pa- 
tients I  Consultation,  Examination  and  Ad- 
vice free  and  private.     Call  or  write. 

DR.  LIEBIC   &   CO. 

400  Geary  Street. 

Private  Entrance:    405  MASON  ST. 

San  Francisco,  Oal,