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Full text of "WASP (Jan.-June 1883)"

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D 2007 lEbBMEl 7 

California State Library 



156781 



Accession No. - 



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98767 11-32 lOM CALIF 



ORNIA STATE PRINTING OFFICE 



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Digitized by the Internet Archive 

in 2012 with funding from 

California State Library Califa/LSTA Grant 



http://archive.org/details/waspjanjune188310unse 




THE CELEBRATED 

iHAMPAGNE WINES 

i Measre. Dkvt? ft Qbldbruans Ay, en Champagne. 



CACHET BI.AXt- Extra Wry, 

In ctiaes quarts and pints. 

CABINET GREEN SEAL, 

In baskets, quarts and pints. 

UgBDEAEX RED AND WHITE MIXES, 

In cases from Messrs. A. de Liize & Fils. 

MOCK WINES, 

cases from 0. M. Pabatniann Sohn, Mainz. 



"White House" Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT HOLLAND GIN, 

FRENCH lilt t Mills, 

■■OUT, SHERRY, Elc. 
In bond or duty pnlil. 
GEORGE STEVENS, 
:;ls Front Street, Room g, San Frnnciseo 



I 



FRAGRANT 








arles Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
314 SACRAMENTO STREET. 



a 



CHAMBERLAIN & ROBINSON 

PROPRIETORS. 



IIACIFIC 
f BUSINESS 
A OLLEGE. 
U32Q 



Post )«. 
Street, Bit i 



»"SEND FOR CIRCULARS 



Leopold Bro's 
'LOEIST 

35 POST STREET, below Kearny. 
Bouquets, Baskets. Wreathes.Crosse: 



S 




s 

MOM'V 

Street. 



"hotographer. 



LLEN NTGARYaCO, 

....WHOLESALE.... 

IQUOR MERCHANTS, 

822 and 824 FRONT STKEET, 

N FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



SlpOFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

lipping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

I li 2 and 13 3 Front Street, 

ALSO 

sr/.mento, Stockton and Los Angeles 



For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOR SALE BV ALL DRUGGISTS. 



James Siiea. A. Bocqueraz. R. McKee. 

SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 

WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front and .laekson Streets, 

SAX FRANCISCO. 


E. M A RTI N & Co., 

Importei ind Wholesale Liquor Dealers. 
"MILTON •>. HARDY." 

".r. F. CUTTER," 
and "MILLER'S EXTRA" 

Old Houruon Whiskies. 

408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



s o h: L I T z = 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOECHTING-, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 

EICHARD8 & HARRIS 0:N\ 

SOLE AGENTS. 
N. W. Corner SAX SOME and SACRA.HEXTO Streets, San Francisco. 



HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

314 I'nllfbrnfit St., Satii Francisco, Cal. 



"Excelsior ! " "Excelsior I" 

C. ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE TAILOR, 

No. 5 Montgomery Street (Masonic Temple), 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

COLTON 

DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gaa specialists for extraetin^r teeth without pain.) 
HAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Building, 

ROOMS 6, 8 and 10, 

Entrance, SOG Market street. 

Dr. CIIAS ,V. I, ECU 



EDWARD E. OSBOKN. 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(Auk ri 

320 CALIFORNIA STREET,! 

Correspondent* 

Australia, Montreal, Berl 



Hi 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonic ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY &. CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. F., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 

DXANOflHazelton Bros 
First Glass, V halleti& cumston, 

" Medium Price, A 



l 



A. M. BENHAM, 
OHAS. S. EATON. 




FINE OLD TABLE WINES. 



FULL VALUE 

i, FOR YOUR MONEY 



647 Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

ii 




«9emS. 



321 MONTGOMERY BTSlCJ 

Formerly United Ar , 



Sole Agents for 0. Conrad & Go's 

dweserJeerJi 

" '■ ' 




i Francisco, Cal. 

ociation. 



Photographs 
House worth's 

The Highest Standard of Excellence, 
12 MONTGOMERY STREET. 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

The Prize Boot and Mioe Maker, 




^T Received awards of CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY; also, 
MECHANICS' INSTITUTE, for the Rest Work, 
lunnship. 



IEUSSDORFFEB/S HATS ARE "THE" 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMEP" 
and 404 KEARNY Street 



BUY TOUR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR OF CAR MM, 25 KEARNY STREET. 



L & E. EMANUEL, 

SUCOESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manufacturers, Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture and Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULM ANN' S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon, 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet, Montgomery and Kearny, t*an Francis<o. 
Fresh Bread delivered every day and cakes 
made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN CAV- 
IAR and WESTPHALIA HAMS- German 
Sausages. A. It II >< HE. 

CHAMPAGNE! 

1)111 MONOPOLE (extra), 

t. ROEOERER (sweet ami dry), 
1IOET A CIIA.XDON. 

VEUVE CLICQUOT, 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYE "WORKS. 

(Jons F. Snow & Co.) 
4S" Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

683 Market Street, Palace Hotel. 
No Branch Office in San Francisco. 
Ladles' & Gents' Suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dyed without shrinking. 
nils. J. HOLMES, Prop. 




WILLIAM F. SMITH M. D., 

(Oculist.) 
TflORMERLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET, HAS 
" removed to Pbelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12m. to 3 p.m. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

Nos. 114 anil lit, Market street, 
\os. II ami 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. MACDONALD, President. 

Enterprise Mill& Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Doors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

817 to 335 Spear St., -.'is to ■;■.•<! Smart St. 
San Francisco, Cal.. 




HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWERY WEST OF ST. LOUIS. 



JOHN WIELAND, 



Proprietor 



olters Brothers <&. Co 

Importers and Dealers in 



W. 

Wines and Liquors 

221 California Street. San Francisco 



Francisco Danbri. Henry Casanova 

F . DANERI & Co., 

Dealers in 

WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

27 ami 39 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Druram, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



§AN pRANCISCOQTOCK DREWERI 
Capital Stock 



(200,000. 



OUR LAGER BEER BREW- 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATE. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 
Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
the Pacific Coast. 

UUD0LPH M0HR, Secretary. 



PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION "■" 
IN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES. 




THE ONLY PRODUCERS 
OF NATURAL 
: |!V SPARKLING 

WINES, 
ON THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 



530WASHINGTON ST S.F. CAL. 

BaTNone Genuine unless bearing our name on "Label and Cork 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THE 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant. 

THE HANDSOMEST DINING-ROOM 

In the World. 
M111. F. HARRISON, Manager. 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NUNAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 

WILLIAMS, DIMOND <5c CO. 
shipping and 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNCTION MARKET AND PINE STREETS 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

A&ENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. S. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Cu- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Co. ; the Hawaiian Line, 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited); 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the Bald- 
win Locomotive Works ; the Glasgow Iron Co. 
Mich. Ashton & Son"s Fait. 




KOHLER & FROHLING 

J?2j£6 MONTGOMERY ST. 8LS.LC0R. SUTTER &DUP.QNI,ST5-,...."^' 

'sKsvS. ■ . _ - S F 





Drink 

BOCA! 




The Only 
LAGER 



BEER 



L. P. DEGEN, Maker o 




Water Proof Leather Belting. 

13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 



A. FINKE'S WIDOW 



O 



pq 




o 




Go] J Seal Is 

■Premiere Quol ite 




CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 

A M P A G N E" 

Pure, delicious and healthful. ^ mm 
SOS MONTGOMERY St., San Franeisco. 



CH 
Pu 



H. N. COOK, 

Manufacturer of 

OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTING & HOSE. 

405 MARKET STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

KNOW MANNING'S 

Oyster Ghotto. 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MORROW & CO., 

Hay, Grain and Commission Mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS , S. F 



Bonestell, Alien & Co , 

IMPORTERS OF 

IP _A. IP IE ~El 



OF ALL KINDS. 



II.: and 415 Sau.some St. 



Brewed on the Pacific 
Coast. 

Office: 
406 Sacramento Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



CALIFORNIA 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Refiner}', Eighth anil Rrannan streets. 

OLATJS SPREOKELB President 

J. D. SPREOKELB Vice-Preident 

A. B. SPREOKELB Beoretory 

THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
' including Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. umilphf. low, Presided! 
oiiicc -ios California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 

— — v - — 



CVOL.IO- 



X?3<36. 







SAfaS&P /fr r//s />asr <?*/?/& jr s/trf /mtfC'SCC C'i M0 JOtf/rtt rf>f rWf«>;r;'W -rffl0O6tf 7#f /Mf/ts s?r Sscd¥Q MASS wr^s 




THE BEAUTIFUL SNOW 






THE WASP. 



THE WIFE'S APPEAL. 



I love to go a shopping 

With a dollar. 
To buy a pair of stockings 

Or a collar ; 
I smile so sweetly on the clerk, 
I make him " hump himself " and. work 

For my dollar. 

I stay an hour or .over 

With my dollar. 
When shopping I'm in clover 

You can hollor ; 
When I'm tired I just walk out, 
And the clerk sits down to pout 

For my dollar. 

But I made the rounds at last 

With my dollar ; 
And I go home so fast 

With my collar ; 
And that little evening's walk 
Keeps me just a week in talk 

About my dollar. 
It's nice to go shopping 

With a dollar ; 
To buy a pair of stockings 

Or a collar 
Now, husband, do not judge me ; 

Dear Hubbv, don't begrudge me 

'Nother dollar. 



LAUGHORISMS. 



A man overbored — The country editor. 



Caws and effect — Crows and a shotgun. 



One pleasing feature about horseshoe jewelry is 
that it isn't life-size. . 



Student (act very clear as to his lesson) : "That's 
what the author says, anyway.'' Professor: "I 
don't want any author; I want you!' Student 
(despairingly) : " Well, you've got me." 

Bookseller : " What sort of books do you want, 
sir?" Customer: "Oh, such books as a gentle- 
man generally has." Bookseller: "About how 
many?" Customer: " Wal, my library is 12x15, 
and I want to fill it." Bookseller: "Will you 
have them bound in. Russia or Morrocco ?" Cus- 
tomer : "You need'nt seend them so far. Have 
them bound in New York." 



" That man is a phrenologist, Pat. " "A phat V 
asked Pat, puzzled. "A phrenologist." " Phat's 
that ?" " Why a man that can tell, by feeling the 
bumps on your head, what kind of a man you 
are." " Bumps on me head, is it ?" exclaimed Pat. 
"Begorra, then, I should think it would give him 
more of an oidea phat kind of a woman me wife 
is." 



Once upon a time an editor in search of food 
was compelled to pawn his diamond shirt studs for 
a loaf of bread. While conveying the humble 
meal to his castle a hungry dog ran off with it, 
and a few minutes later robbers relieved the editor 
of his watch. Instead of being rattled by these 
untoward incidents, the editor smilingly remarked : 
"I thank the gods that I still have my appetite 
left." We are taught by this little fable that true 
contentment is the greatest of all journalistic 
boons. 



A Connecticut lecture is called "A Night in a 
Volcano." The author passed a night once in a 
bed in a country hotel in Western Pennsylvania. 



An Austin clergyman visited the jail a few days 
ago, and asked one of the prisoners if he did not 
want something interesting to read, offering him a 
tract with the title : " The Sinfulness of Glut- 
tony. " 

The prisoner shook his head and replied : 

" I've got some reading matter that interest me 
more than that." 

"What is it?" 

"Yesterday I had a copy of the indictment 
served on me, and to-morrow I'm going to get a 
list of the jurors that are to try me." 



cold perspiration on an agonized brow inspire, the 
matter of making a reputation at present, either 
as a humorist or horse trainer, is not nearly si) 
easy as in days that have tumbled over the jump- 
ing-off place of time. There was a time when the 
skilful recital of a few neighborhood jokes would 
brand a man as a humorist, but now, hard, persist- 
ent, sleepless, shirtless work is required ; and even 
then the candidate "is in danger of being refused 
credit at a cabbage stall. 



When luck knocks at the door, it often finds the 
man inside too lazy to lift the latch. 



A portly old merchant was advised by his physi- 
cian to take hurse-back exercise. He had not been 
on a horse since he was a boy, he said. They put 
him on an easy-going, tractable horse, and he jog- 
ged about the ring for one hour faithfully. Then 
he dismounted stiffly, with many grimaces and a 
few pithy remarks, waddled into the office and de- 
clared himself. "That," said he, "let's me out. 
I can get exactly the same results -for half the 
money and in half the time, by hiring my porter 
to kick me." 



" Why do dogs have fleas ?" a young naturalist 
asks us. Dear boy, that's just what the dogs are 
anxious to know. _ 



When the dry goods house of Dollar Bill & Co. 
opened . business in New York the manager was 
particular about the character of the employees. To 
one. of the travelers, who seemed in need of extra 
advice, he said : " I hope, sir, you will do every- 
thing in your, power to sustain the honor of the 
house." "Yes, sir; yes, sir ; depend upon me," 
replied the traveler, as he set forth. In three days 
word reached the firm from Syracuse that this par- 
ticular man was on a spree in that city, but it was 
five or six days before the firm could get an answer 
to any of its telegrams ordering him home. At 
last he wrote : " Drummer from Boston said he 
could out drink any hyena connected with our 
house. Took me four days to lay him out, but I 
was bound to sustain our sacred honor or bust. 
Shall I let any one bluff me at poker I Forgot to 
ask before I left home. I go West from here." 



Speaking with all the seriousness that beads of 



Just down the intervale where the brake grows 
rank, she placed her easel and sat down by it, 
sketching from nature: "Please ma'am, is that 
me you're drawing milking that cow in the pic- 
ture ?" " Why, yes, my little man, but I didn't 
know you were looking." " Coz if it's me," con- 
tinued the boy, unmindful of the artist's confu- 
sion, "you've put me on the wrong side of the 
cow, and I'll get kicked way off the lot." 



A correspondent asks why it is that no bride- 
groom can recall the first words spoken to his bride 
when they had found themselves alone in the car- 
riage which is to bear them away on their honey- 
moon. Why? The secret of forgetful n ess is that 
he has already said to her everything he could 
think would interest her, everything that does in- 
terest him. His conversational resources are ex- 
hausted, and he has nothing to say. Instead of an 
important speech, he utters some dreamy common- 
place, throws himself back into the cushions, de- 
voutly thanking heaven "the thing is over." 
Thus, before the honeymoon is five minutes old, the 
bridegroom breaks down. 



THE NEW YORK SUNDAY LAW. 



"Now my vriend, " the barber said, having 
bolted the donr and begun to lather the reporter's 
face, "you vos porn by America und I peen an 
American citizen. Ve oughter veel-broud of dot. 
Here ve pe mit ter door polted nnd parred, mit der 
vinder plinds trawn town, und mit ter gas purning 
py ter taylight. Der achent uf der society vich 
idself vorks on Sunday to keep der rest der peeple 
from vorking is shpying at ter door. Der bolees- 
men are rushing der sdreed along mit parbers, 
krocers und putchers py der nape der neck and vill 
dem all lock up py der chails. Der leedle news- 
poys peen vrightened out of deir lifes. TJnd here 
ve are drembling like biokbockets vor vear ve peen 
arrestet. Now let us dry dot pootivul hymn to 
rememper : 

" My coundry, dis uf dee, 
Sweet lant uf liperty. 

"I can get a nutshell insite der whole dings. 
Der benal gode been in der inderest uf golt water. 



Veil, I peen in vafer uf larker peer ; ven haf effer 
you heert of larker peer doing such damitches 
vot der. water in der Rhine riffer.done last veek in 
Europe ? 

' ' Der parber der negst shair py, vich is dot vel- 
ler dot grazy chokes got vere oughder peen his 
prains, he got hitnzelluf ofl" yon vunny dings. He 
treamed he tied, he sayt, und vent to heffen ; und 
shtanding der gate arount vos a big growd of 
beeple. Some of tern his vrends peen. Den 
gomes St. Beder out. ' So helluj. me ciashus !' he 
hat sayt,- fvy, how vos dees ? Here comes effery 
tay a barty of New Yorgers. I neffer haf some 
New Yorgers zeen pefore. ' 

" 'I vill choost dell you apouddot,' von of dem 
vellers hat sayt. ' Ve used to pe like der rest der 
vorld, but now ve got to gome here py der law.' 

"Py shimminy hooky, dot parber a vool of him- 
self makes mit zUch a chokes like dot." — The Sun- 



THE " SECOND ADVENT." 

"I would like to have an advertisement in- 
serted." 

This is a slogan that would resurrect a dead man 
behind a newspaper counter, and the clerk turned 
as if moved byan electric current, and ejaculated : 

" Yes, sir ; want the top of the column, I 
s'pose ? " 

" No ; I am not particular," said the advertiser. 

" Want it inside, next leading editorial ? " 

" Either page will answer," replied the other. 

" Want a cut of a death's head and marrow bones, 
or a sore leg to make it attractive, or a portrait of 
the advertiser with long hair and a turn down 
shirt color 1 " 

" Clear type, black ink and white paper are 
good enough for me,'' was the response. 

"All right; want head line in type an inch 
longer than Jenkins' ad. in next column, or will 
you have it put in upside down, or your name in 
crooked letters like forked lightning all over it ? " 

" No ; a plain, straightforward advertisement 
in space of four inches will answer my purpose ?" 

" Good enough. Want about ten inches of no- 
tice free, don't you ? Family history ; how your 
grandfather blacked Washington's boots once ; 
mention of yourself as a member of a circulating 
library, church, tire company, co-operative store, 
base-ball club, and other important public posi- 
tions ? " 

The customer said he did not care for any notice. 

" Of course," said the clerk, " you w r ant a paper 
sent to each member of the firm ; one for yourself 
and the privilege of taking half a dozen copies off 
the counter for the next year or two because you 
advertise ? " 

The gentleman expected to pay for his paper and 
asked the price of the advertisement. 

The delighted clerk figured it up, and then 
asked : 

" If we send the bill around in about a year you 
can tell the boy when to call again, cant you ? " 

" No, I will pay now," said the other, taking 
out a roll of bills. 

The newspaper man's eyes bulged as he said : 

" Ah ! you want to ask for 75 per cent, discount 
and 25 per cent, off for cash ? " 

" I am ready to pay fair cash for value received. 
Tell me your regular rates and here is the money." 

A beatific expression spread over the wan face of 
the worn clerk, and he murmured : 

" Stranger, when did you come down and when 
do you expect the apostles along?" 



FOREIGN ETIQUETTE. 



In China no conversation is allowed at dinner 
except remarks upon the food — complimentary, of 
course — as, for example, to the host : 

"Oh, Beaming Sun, essence of gentility, deign 
to allow the miserable worm at your feet to remark 
(casually) that this chow-chow is prime 1" or words 
to that effect. 

In India, especially in Lucknow, they are excru- 
ciatingly polite. Two natives, once upon a time, 
fell into a ditch. You think they floundered out 
in a twinkling % They didn't anything of the 
kind. Politeness interfered ; one said : 

"When your honor rises, then I may get up." 

"No, your honor must get up first," said the 
second. 

"How can I take precedence of your honor? 
Never !" 

Neither would consent to violate the laws of 
good breeding, and they are lying there yet. 



156781 



THE WASP. 



A NOBLE BOOK. 



Mr. Loring Pickering's " Hark from the Toral)." 



Among t!...' poetsoi California Mr. Pickering has 
ever held an honored place. Ml- was presenl as 
midwife at the birth «.f our Pacific coast literature, 
and as undertaker he will be at itadeath. Indeed, 
it was in his capacity as undertaker that he began 
to be famous. In tin' year L849 lie was employed 
;u* Bereaved Survivor-Soother in the coffin and 
shroud palace of the popular undertaker, Mr. 
.lames Maginn, and such was his personal magnet- 
ism that the heart bowed down instinctively in- 
clined his way. He at once engaged the confi- 
dence of the afflicted and compelled the respect or 
the deceased. His words of professional condol- 
ence were so aptly chosen and studiously rehearsed 
that those who came to weep remained to smile. 
Among Mr. Pickering's duties at this stage of his 
career was that of writing verses to accompany the 
death notices in the daily newspapers. It may 
not be generally known to' the public that these 
literary adjuncts to the bald and somewhat repel- 
lant obituary statements under the head of 
"Died" are supplied by the undertakers, in ac- 
cordance with the customary carte blanche order to 
"furnish whatever is necessary." It is true, they 
are commonly signed "His Sorrowing Mother," 
"Her Aunt," "The Bereaved Family," etc., but 
they are invariably written in the cotlin shop and 
charged in the bill at so much per line, according 
to the age of the deceased, the financial solidity of 
the surviving relations, and the merit of the 
poetry. The system was not of Mr. Pickering's 
invention, but as its most illustrious exponent he 
may be said to have made it his own. In this 
peculiar Held he may be said to have achieved his 
greatest artistic triumph and his widest popular 
success. Indeed it is to this circumstance that we 
are indebted for the founding of the Morning <',<!/ 
newspaper, Mr. Maginn having early perceived 
the financial advantage of having an "organ" in 
which his gifted employee's effusions might be pre- 
served intact for republication in book form, as 
has now been done. With the subsequent consoli- 
dation of the undertaking establishment, under 
the management of Mr. Maginn, and the news- 
paper, with Mr. Pickering upon the editorial stool, 
the public is already familiar. The partnership 
has been productive of the happiest results, the 
payments of the afflicted being all kept in one firm 
and divided equally between the concern that 
buries the body and the one that immortalizes the 
memory. 

At the end of each calendar year Mr. Picker- 
ing's consolatory metrical effusions are brought out 
in book form under the title of Baric from the 
Tenth— For tin- Yr.tr is — . The volume for the year 
1882 is before us. It is appropriately bound in 
ebony, with ivory skull and cross-bones in the 
centre of the cover. Around the edges are admir- 
ably engraved heads of collin-screws in silver. The 
paper on which the book is printed is of excellent 
quality, deeply bordered with black, each page 
containing but a single poem, from four to twelve 
lines in length, appended to a brief statement of 
the name, sex. age and date of death of the person 
in honor of whose memory the verses are written. 
Below will be found some of the best and brightest 
examples of Mr. Pickering's workmanship. In pre- 
senting them here, we have considerately omitted 
the accompanying prose and made such alterations 
of names as would disguise the identity of the de- 
ceased and permit the work to stand squarely upon 
its literary merit. No particular classification has 
been attempted, further than to place first such 
lines as are veriations of one theme— Mr. Picker- 
ings famous 

Dearest father thou hast left us, 

And thy loss we deeply feel ; 

Cut 'tis God who hath bereft us— 

He can all our sorrows heal, 

Written for the remains of Mr. Joaquin Murietta. 
In these lines Mr. Pickering's genius was at man- 
hood's high noon and his hand struck twelve ; with 
great judicion he has ever since devoted his best 
inspiration to attempts at equaling that incompa- 
rable performance by reworking its central idea. 

Little Jessie, thou hast left us, 

And thy loss we deeply feel, 
For the one we loved so dearly 

Has forever passed away. 

-~W. K. 

You have left me, dearest husband, 



Ami your loss I'll deeply feel ; 
lint < rod loved you the best, 
Relieved you "f your suffering 
Ami called you to his home, 

'I'" Bpend your life in happiness 

In a bright and eternal home. 

- F. II. 

Dearest father, you have left us, 

Though you suffered long and suit' ; 
Peace to your body, heart ami hand, 

For your suffering now is o'er. 
Not unforgotten shall you be. 

Your memory, like a star. 
Shall light the Bad hearts <-f those 

Who now your mourners are. 

In these admirable imitations of himself, Mr. 
Pickering by no means exhausted his ingenuity in 
paraphrase ; the volume contains no fewer than 

sixty-seven poems of the "Dearest .thou has 

left us " pattern, the whole producing a feeling of 
monotony and gloom strictly in keeping with the 
volume. 

Subjoined is the longest poem in the book. It is 
variously remarkable, and for nothing more than for 
the brilliant but somewhat confusing signature 
which certainly does not appear to bear out the 
idea given in the body of the text— namely, that 
it is written by the sister of the remains ; but as 
signatures are only for the purpose of imparting 
vraisemblance to work of which all is confessedly 
Mr. Pickering's own, this is a point of compara- 
tively small importance. Another striking feature 
of this poem is the alarming intimation in the last 
lines that Heaven's favoritism is not the sum of 
all possible advantages. But we are keeping our 
readers from a feast : 

Like the sweet morning glory 

That lives but a day, 
From mother and sisters 

He called me away. 
Resigned to my Master 

My spirit I yield. 
Down low, in Death's chamber, 

Which alone angels shield, 
I await the bright morning 

When father and mother, and sisters dear, 
Will meet me in Heaven 

And shed not a tear ; 
For there, say the poets, 

All trouble's at rest, 
And the small and the great 

Live pure with the best. 
Thus, my good sisters, 

The path I*ve prepared, 
Is ready fur you 

And all that God's spared ; 
To those who believe, 

The priest often saith, 
Heaven gives its favorites 

Premature death. 

—Her Sistei'S. 

The following unsigned lines breathe a beauti- 
ful spirit of resignation, considering that they are 
written of a corpse which had had three whole 
days of life in which to make itself indispensable 
to its " husband, child and home " : 

Her spirit rudely taken 

From husband, child .and home, 
In Heaven soon will waken, 

And with bright angels roam. 

We fought so hard to keep you, 

But Death the victory won ;^ 
We loved you well, but God loved you best, 

His blessed will be done. 

The ap;jar~nt discrepancy in the foregoing lines 
between the tender age and the mature domestic 
relations of the deceased is probably due to the not 
altogether defensible plan of blindfolding the per- 
son who comes to the undertaker's office to order 
"whatever is necessary," and permitting him to 
select some verses from a great number of all kinds 
shaken up in a hat — a method of securing appro- 
priateness established under the regime of Mr. 
Pickering's predecessor, a poet lacking decision of 
character 

If the following is imperfect in the matter of 
rhyme it has, nevertheless, a certain value as im- 
parting the interesting information that heaven 



lias obtained a mother, and is therefore no longer 
an orphan : 

Dear mother, we will miss you 
From our circle many times, 
When we think of how you 'mused as 
With your suvt.-t and loving smile. 
But what heaven has ordained, 
And lias now obtained, 

Is a loved and devoted mother. 

-By 11,,- Children. 

The following is a " gem of purest ray serene" 
hardly inferior to the brightest jewel in the crown 
of the illustrious George W. Childs : 

Maggie, ten years ago at the altar we met, 

And your sweet voice then answered " Yes." 

Now I ask at your grave, while in Heaven you've power, 

Pray to .fleet your two children and me yet. 

— Henri/. 

Of the four immediately subjoined, we have no 
opinion to express ; the reader must endeavor in 
each instance to put himself in the place of the 
corpse and judge them from its prostrate stand- 
point, asking, "How would I relish a thing of this 
kind if written of me ?" 

Charley dear, young and tender, 
With aching hearts we lay you down ; 

May (rod his blessings to you render, 
Far surpassing all we know. 
From his affectionate father and mother. 

She was hut as a smile 

Which glistens in a tear, 
Seen but a little while, 

But oh, how loved, how dear! 

Belive what you can, what you must, 
Yet we know it, O, beautiful trust ! 
That our cold, pale, loved one, our dead, 
To a glad shining future has Hed. 

A cloud has darkened o'er our home, 
Where happiness, like sunshine, lay ; 
One's gone whose tender words 
Would fill a parent's heart with bliss 
A seraph might have wished to share. 
The bud's withdrawn from human care 
And set where crystal waters flow, 
And there they'll open, watched by a Saviour's love. 

—Lizzie. 

The originality of the following is, we believe, 
entirely unexampled in the whole range of funereal 
literatue. We do not remember to have seen it 
more than three times in any one issue of the Gall 
in the past twenty years : 

Open wide the brazen gates 

That lead to the other shore ; 
Our uncle suffered in passing through, 

But his sufferings now are more. 

—By His Aunt. 

Sometimes, however, it is " shining galea " and 
" pearly shore " — and that is perhaps the preferable 
form. 

With one more delicious quatrain we must close 
our extracts from this most agreeable holiday vol- 
ume ; but before giving it we wish to add our 
praise to the voice of posterity, in testimony to 
the uncommon poetical powers of this great and 
good poet, the venerable Loring Pickering, of 
whom it is our dearest and most important wish 
to write an epitaph that shall comfort his illus- 
trious remains — for his relatives, friends and ac- 
quaintances he has already outlived by as many 
decades as he has fingers and toes: 

Come to the gates, O God, and behold 
How we give our boy to the worms ! 

He's an angel now. Forty-five years old, 
And we loved him with all our might. 



Once upon a time, when General Ney, the Duke 
of Elchingen, who committed suicide last year, 
was commanding the cavalry at A r erseilles, a circus 
manager was introduced, who came to obtain a 
dozen cuirassiers to take part in the grand tri- 
umphal entree of his circus. 

" Oh, I suppose you can have them !" answered 
the Duke. " Whatll you pay them ?" 

'" Three francs a head !" 

" Three francs !" exclaimed the Duke, whe was 
very prudent in money matters; "why, man, I'll 
go myself !" 



THE WASP 




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IVo questionable advertisements inserted in this journal. 



SATURDAY, - - - JANUARY 6, 1883. 

Against an interested opposition expressing it- 
self by maligning, and an apathetic public opinion 
manifesting itself b) r indifference, this paper has 
for a long time made war upon the vulgar and 
mischievous practice of reporting private enter- 
tainments in the newspapers. Despite our efforts, 
backed as they are by the approval of all self-re- 
specting people ; despite the common and obvious 
decencies of private life that fight upon the same 
side ; despite the conspicuous mischief of the prac- 
tice, it has grown into a regular "feature" of 
journalism, until such a thing as the sacred 
privacy of home life is almost unknown to-day in 
San Francisco. The rage for social distinction 
through social publicity has assumed the character 
of a madness destructive alike to the social graces 
and the domestic virtues. The field being open to 
any one who chooses to enter by the payment of 
money (and we cannot too often assure our read- 
ers that it is by direct payment of money that this 
kind of distinction is obtained) the vulgarians, up- 
starts and disreputables have naturally thronged 
through the gates and usurped all the com- 
manding eminences of the wide domain. Let 
us not be misunderstood : we mean to affirm, with 
whatever force words can give, that the men and 
women whose names are oftenest in the " society 
reports " of the newspapers purchase that foul dis- 
tinction by direct payment of coin or coin* equiva- 
lent. As those who tastes are low and whose lives 
are disreputable have most coin and least scruple ; 
as it is they who most strongly believe that a shin- 
ing mantle best hides a dirty skin — that social 
conspicuousness atones for obscure birth and faulty 
breeding, it follows that in the struggle for front 
place they are first. The time has come when 
never to be heard of through the society columns 
of the newspapers constitutes the most honorable 
fame to which a man or woman can decently as- 
spire. 

If no less disagreeable truth will open the eyes 
of our " society ladies " to the horrible purposes 



to which the cupidity of newspaper publishers sets 
their vanity ; if they will not be stayed by the 
knowledge that their names and the names of their 
daughters are made familiar in the mouths of 
gamblers, hoodlums and all manner of blackguards 
by display at the bootblack stands, on the beer 
tables of low saloons and by being posted upon the 
walls of dives under the " latest stock quotations " ; 
if association in the same columns with the names 
of their own servants, who participate in enter- 
tainments humbler than their own but deemed 
equalty worthy of record, will not cure them of 
the unholy craze for the cheap honors of print — 
then we must beg their attention to a statement 
which we have not hitherto made, but which their 
husbands, sons or brothers can verify if they will. 
One of the latest and most outrageous developments 
of the "society reporter's " black art is the custom 
of printing on the last days of December a list of 
"ladies who will receive" on New Years' Day. 
If only women who are otherwise decent made 
advertisement of themselves by this monstrous 
method it would be bad enough to keep every well- 
bred gentleman from their doors ; but the tempta- 
tion to advertise also the demi-monde is too strong 
to be resisted, and sandwiched in among the other 
names are the ' ' announcements " of notorious 
courtezans who pay roundly for this annual privi- 
lege. We solemnly assure our lady readers that 
this almost incredible statement is bald and frosty 
truth — that this rascally practice is a part, and a 
profitable part, of the business. Every woman 
who permits her name to be used in these lists of 
"ladies who will receive," is made an accomplice 
in this immatchable crime against morality. She 
may plead that she cannot prevent the newspapers 
from publishing her name. With some prefessional 
knowledge of this matter, we affirm that she can 
commonly prevent it by not conniving at it ; and 
in the rare instances iu which that negative action 
may prove ineffectual, she can prevent a repetition 
of the liberty by the more positive method of ap- 
pealing to some resolute male relative. 



Naturally the foulest hand addicted to this sordid 
practice of using the vanity of respectable women 
to advertise the business of prostitutes is that 
which guides the dirty destinies of the Chronicle. 
With the same thievish thrift which has enabled its 
proprietor to pitchfork himself out of the gutter 
into a forty-thousand-dollar house that did not cost 
him a cent, and climb to a social altidude where he 
is comparatively secure from the kickings that gave 
him his first upward impetus, he now gathers un- 
holy gold by muck-raking the dark by-ways of un- 
speakable sin. This bird of prey is feathering his 
nest with the plumage of soiled doves, employing 
their spotless sisters to assist in the plucking. In 
last Monday's issue of his detestable newspaper the 
list of "ladies who would receive" contained 
names and addresses which, even for the purpose 
of illustration and proof, we have not the 
hardihood to publish — names and addresses 
which two men in every three know to have an im- 
moral notoriety of which the Chronicle's proprietor 
is equally well aware. It is the habit of the class 
of women here referred to to seek newspaper noto- 
riety with even greater avidity than do the icy 
" vulgariennes " of Nobb Hill and Van Ness ave- 
nue, and by larger paj'ments than these can afford. 
The Quonicle is not the paper to turn money from 
its hospitable counter, and in order to accommodate 
them it invented that ingenious device, " a list of 
ladies who will receive." To serve the lowlier 
needs of dames and damsels less ambitious of pub- 
licity, the regular daily " Personals" amply suffice 



Sun, contrasting the cost of a visit to California 
with that of going to Florida and returning by way 
of the Mississippi River ; the expense in the for- 
mer case being several hundred per cent, greater 
than in the latter. The correspondent of the Sun 
says board and lodging are as cheap here as in the 
South and of a better quality ; the difference is in 
the cost of travel,' the passenger rates on the over- 
land and California railroads being exorbitant. 
These statements were of course promptly disputed 
by Mr. Stanford's kept editors ; even that long- 
discarded old flame, Mr. Pickering, coming to the 
front with a shrill volubility begotten of the mem- 
ory of past favors. Californians are proverbially 
skinless ; the lightest touch of a disparaging pen in 
the hands of an obscure Eastern scribe sets them 
bucking like a bronco, and many of even those 
who hate the railroad gang and all its works and 
ways have jumped stiff-legged and discharged their 
heels in air at what they conceive to be a high- 
handed assault upon the whole Califoruian corral. 
We are ourselves not very much concerned about 
the probable effect of the truth upon our State and 
its prosperity — possibly because we are more en- 
amored of the truth than we are of the State. Our 
own journals do not go east of the Rocky Moun- 
tains, fortunately ; so if the great New York daily 
newspapers will assist in " spreading the light" 
regarding Pacific Coast matters we shall be in- 
finitely obliged to them, regardless of what it may 
reveal. Under the railroad regime, California is a 
hard place to get to, and a good place to go away 
from, and the wider the publicity that is given to 
these obvious facts the better it will be for us in 
the end, for the sooner we shall rouse ourselves to 
the duty of putting Messrs. Stanford, Crocker and 
Huntington in the penitentiary, where they be- 
long. 



A good deal of talk has been made in our news- 
papers about a communication in the New York 



By the death of Leon Gambetta, Europe is freed 
from an apprehension which for more than a de- 
cade has oppressed the nations like a nightmare — 
the apprehension that France would deliver battle 
to Germany whenever, in Gambetta's judgment, 
the time should be ripe for a war of revenge. By 
way of ripening the time, the French people, under 
his inspiration, have been strengthening their 
means of offense by enormous expenditures on 
their army and navy ; and these expenditures have 
necessitated equally heavy outlays by Germany, 
which, in their turn, have entailed corresponding 
ones by neighboring nations jealous of her domi- 
nance and fearful of her power. The burden of 
taxation caused by the monstrous military establish- 
ments so created has become almost insupportable. 
Europe is a camp ; its people are soldiers, and its 
Governments exist for the purpose of maintaining 
them in arms. This is becoming yearly more diffi- 
cult, and it needs no prescience to perceive that 
whenever in any nation there remains but the 
dernier ressort of conquest, that nation, breaking the 
threads of diplomacy and ignoring the traditions 
of political interest, will take the field against its 
neighbor. An army is for battle, and when the 
people are overtaxed for its maintenance, if they 
cannot secure its disbanding their crude common 
sense will clamor for its employment. This is the 
opportunity for ambitious kings and ministers ; their 
function is t'o supply a pretext, and see that rest- 
lessness under exaction is duly converted into 
patriotic ardor and expressed in terms of invasion. 
To this dangerous point the European peoples seem 
nearly to have arrived. Whether the death of 
Gambetta will avert the storm that his existence 
was brewing remains to be seen. If so, it is a 
blessing to Europe, and the loss of his guidance to 
France can be supplied by the wisdom of the San 
Francisco newspapers, which, as a rule, have gov- 
erned that country wisely and well. 



THE WASP. 



CROCKER'S ODE TO HIS FENCE. 



During tfu storm vf January 1st tht famous high fenct with 
which Mr, Charles Crocker enclosed tfu humble dwelling 
of thelatt Mr. Yung, who would not sell to htm, wot 
blown down, 

Tvi"- of my fortunes as ->f me, Fence, 

Time was when you were as I ara immense ! 

Ami time aball be —yea, u.11 too soon, no doubt, 

When I, as you are now, shall lie laid out. 

To that unpleasant • - 1 l • 1 

I swiftly, surely tend ; 

I prophesied it ere I sang this ode. 

For when the tempest smote you down, 
i ' symbol "f my frail renown, 
' Well, 1 11 eternally be blowed ! " 



»d: 



Illustrious Fence, we both 

Were of a mushroom growth. 
And topped our fellow fungi in the fraction of a night. 

Upon your summit sat 

The comfortable cat 
And twanged his fairy fiddle-strings in infantile delight 

On me the loves and graces 

Fought for the foremost places : 

Beauty perched upon the hummock 

Of my formidable stomach, 
Fair honor sat enthroned upon my brow 
And heaven was mirrored in my shining pow. 

I smiled and all the alleys, 

All the hills and all the valets, 

Lay in light, and all the papers 

Executed calfish capers. 
And when I sang, the cuspidore and sticks, 
The water jugs, the bootjacks and the bricks 
Streamed from my neighbors' windows. 'Twos intense 
They thought I was the cat upon the Fence. 

soul of the dead 
Undertaker, 'twas said 

In the street and the mart and the tavern 
That I in my spite 
Had shut out God's light 
From your home and had made it a cavern. 
You're yourself undertaken, your babes are gone- 
where ? 

The fence has blown down and it softens 
My gizzard. I beg you'll forgive, for I swear 
I but put up a corner in coffins. 

Out here in the snow 

1 am singing my woe, 
And my spirit is filled with a fear, 

As I sit on the sod, 
That in grasping at God 
I have got the wrong pig by the ear. 



long one, and the Chronicle (at a dollar a line) 
stated that "nearly all" who were invited at- 
tended. The Evening Post (at ten cents a line) 
stated that all attended but three. The gentlemen 
named below did not attend : George C. Perkins, 
William Alvord, Maurice M. Blake, Washington 
Bartlett. Frank Newlands, James G. Fair, J. M. 
MeNulty, James C. Flood, J. M. Schofield, Peter 
Donahue, W. T. Coleman, E. L. G. Steele, J. H. 
Boalt, James V. Coleman, F. F. Lowe, W. H. L. 
Barnes and at least one other. Many of these 
gentlemen could not have been pulled to that din- 
ner of dishonorables by a team of horses ; others 
doubtless had engagements to dine disreputably 
elsewhere. 



A discussion of the merits of oleomargarine "as 
an article of commerce " may be decently post- 
poned until the question of its merits as an article 
of diet has been settled. I don't care to discuss 
either here, but I may say to Mr. Alexander 
Sharon that the guests of the Palace Hotel have a 
livelier interest in the latter class of merits than 
in the former. This dinner was cooked in the ho- 
tel kitchen. In the cooking, oleomargarine was 
used in place of butter. Oleomargarine and but- 
ter were served at the table, and Mr. Sharon, 
speaking in praise of the former as an article of 
diet, challenged the guests to distinguish it from 
the latter. The people living at Mr. Sharon's 
hotel will perhaps discern an unpleasant signifi- 
cance in all this. It may, however, mean nothing 
more than that Mr. Sharon's folly is of truly im- 
perial degree and cyclopean magnitude — as his at- 
tempts at social relations with his patrons have al- 
ready demonstrated. 



PRATTLE. 



A correspondent who in another column speaks 
of the attendance of Messrs. Stoneman, Perkins 
and Estee at a dinner, the object of which was to 
advertise oleomargarine, asked of these gentlemen 
if they knew what they were about— meaning, did 
they knowingly sell their influence for a free din- 
ner given for commercial gain? Governor Perkins 
did not attend ; whether the gentlemen who did 
attend knew what they were about may be judged 
from the terms of the invitations. I quote from 
the one received at this office and (somewhat con- 
temptuously) declined : 

"The pleasure of your company is requested to dinner 
at the Palace Hotel on Thursday, the 28th inst., at 7 p. 
m. His Excellency George Stoneman, Governor-elect, 
will be present. This occasion wffl be taken to discuss 
some matters of State and local importance, among which 
will be the merits of oleomargarine as an article of com- 
merce." 



tions, but the disagreeable simpleton who gets up 
in the middle of the night to ring a bell because 
the earth has arrived at a given point in its orbit 
should nevertheless be knocked over and tumbled 
into the gutter as an enemy to his race. He is a 
sore trial to the feelings, an affliction almost too 
sharp for endurance. If he and his sentimental 
abettors might be melted and cast in a great bell, 
every right-minded man would derive an innocent 
delight from its pounding. 

The January number of the W"armedovetland 
Monthly contains the usual article in praise of our 
glorious climate — the finest in the world, sir. Here 
is a sample sentence : 

" By the ocean's edge a southern spring balm seems 
waftetl over the blue, caressing waves from palm and spice 
islands ; this is the .jEgean : the Farallones, dim on the 
horizon, are the haunts of denii-gods, naiads and tritons." 

A comfortable thing, truly, to read during last 
Sunday's snow-storm, while wrapped in a blanket 
overcoat ! 

By the ocean's edge the southern spring balm 

{Pile on the coals for mi/ bones arc chill) 
Is wafted from islands of spices and balm. 

(Snows are consuming the vanishing hill.) 
This is the famous ^Egean, and far 

( What's a tooth, after all, but a Castanet ? 
On the dim horizon the Farallones are. 

[Sing me a song of the lost Jcannctte.) 
Demi-gods, tritons and nude naiades — 
(Burn in a furnace my stiff when I freeze!) 



This affronting invitation was signed by Messrs. 
E. B. Mastick, L. P. Drexler and G. W. Beaver, 
and accepted by Governor- elect George Stoneman, 
Mr. M. M. Estee, Professor Thomas Price, Messrs, 
Irving M. Scott and W. S. Chapman, Colonel R. 
H. Taylor, Drs. Henry Gibbon, Sr., and James 
Simpson, and many others whose brains are for 
Bale by their stomachs. The invitation list was a 



For General Stoneman and Mr. Estee there is 
no excuse ; they occupy the positions of gentle- 
men, and must be held to gentlemen's accounta- 
bility. They have suffered a wily adventurer to 
placard their distended stomachs with an adver- 
tisement of his wares, directing attention to 
samples inside ; they must expect that men whose 
bellies bear the warning, " Post no bills," will de- 
spise them accordingly. A few weeks ago both 
were soliciting and receiving the votes of their fel- 
low citizens for the highest and most dignified 
office in the State ; to-day they are self-con- 
fessed as men whose price is a dinner. Neither is 
worthy of the office to which he aspired, and for 
my part I blush with a double shame to remember 
that I supported both. 

What if the foot, ordained the dust to tread, 
Or hand, to toil, aspired to be the head? 
"What if the head, the eye, or ear repined 
To serve, mere engines to the ruling mind ? 

— Pope. 

'Tis hard to say. Presumption such as this 
Might lead to sorrow or conduct to bliss. 
Yet seeing how the writers of this town 
Write up the wicked and the good write down, 
I can't help wishing that some rascal scribe — 
The dirtiest despot of the graceless tribe — 
Would try the plan of thinking with his toes, 
And trace the outcome with his well-inked nose. 
And lest the boot-born, snout-recorded thought 
Resemble that by head and hand now wrought, 
Twere best to give, before he sets it flowing, 
His feet a washing and his nose a blowing. 

The practice of inflating the midnight steam- 
shrieker and belaboring the nocturnal ding-dong 
to frighten back the encroaching New Year is ob- 
viously ineffectual, and might advantageously be 
discontinued. It is no whit more sensible and 
dignified than the custom of savages who beat 
their sounding dogs to scare away an eclipse. If 
one elect to live with barbarians, one must endure 
the barbarous noises of their barbarous supersti- 



I saw two friends parting the other day, and as 
one of them set his foot on the stairs leading up to 
his office on the fourth floor lie said: "Well, 
good morning. When you are passing this way I 
shall be glad to see you if you will'drop up." And 
I thought that the man who could perform the 
astonishing feat of "dropping up" was indeed 
worth seeing. 



Scores of times I have heard educated people 
speak of " climbing down" a ladder or a tree. Is 
the English language, then, so poor that those who 
call it their mother-speech can find for the act of 
going up stairs no better word than "dropping," 
and for going down a ladder none better than 
" climbing " ? " Mother-speech," indeed ! It is 
their stepmother-speech, and it beats them every 
time they open their mouths. 

The following epitaph, sent by a clever corres- 
pondent, seems to be intended for the gentleman 
who was so prominent in getting up the Dairymen's 
Convention against the principalities and powers 
of oleomargarine, and who afterward went over to 
the enemy with the glib facility of a buttered 
snake gliding across a parallel of latitude : 

Here lies Willie Gaffey 

(God rest him in peace !) 
Who died giving taffy 

To Wilson for grease. 

The cows at his dairy 

Grow hairy and lean 
Bawling : " Oleo— oleo — 

M-a-r-r-r-garine !" 

B. 



The snow-storm affords an opportunity for the 
" glorious climate " fiend to conceive and bring 
forth numerous preposterous reasons for the 
phenomenon, which he is not slow to improve. In- 
crease of telegraph wires and of agriculture, tran- 
sit of Venus, the comet, etc., are among the 
number. These will not go far towards convinc- 
ing the Eastern excursionists now sojourning at 
Monterey that they have not been most abomin- 
ably lied to, and with shivering voices and chat- 
tering teeth they will devote immigration phamph- 
lets, excursion agents, and climate braggarts to 
that region where snow-storms really are un- 
known. 



THE WASP. 



LOST IN THE BLIZZARD. 



A Thrilling Tale of the Recent Snuw-Stornh 



" Thank Heaven we can all of us put our hands 
to our hearts, and say with streaming eyes that our 
life-insurance policies are paid up." 

It was James Phelan who spoke, and his deep 
mellow voice contrasted strangely with the inhar- 
monious howling of the storm. 

"We are in a fearful plight," growled Senator 
Sharon. 

"May Heaven be merciful to me. T fear I 
shall never see the Nevada Block again," sighed 
Con. O'Connor. 

"Take. courage, gentlemen, take courage, " said 
Mr. Schmiedell, " and take a nip to brace up on," 
and the thoughtful stockbroker produced a flask 
from the recesses of his overcoat pocket. They all 
drank deeply — they needed a stininlant ; they 
were indeed in a fearful predicament. 

Where, the reader will naturally ask, where the 
deuce were the amiable quartette the author men- 
tions ? They were in the suburbs of Oakland, 
snowed in from the outer world, and snowed out 
from the iuner world. They had started early in 
the morning with the social intention of making 
New Year's calls. v This bitter evening found them 
cast away on a desolate waste, somewhere about 
the northerly shore of Lake Merritt, they sup- 
posed, but they had lost their reckoning, and 
were now rapidly freezing, nay, starving to death. 
The team (§5 an hour) was enveloped in the 
snow-wreaths, the heads ef the spirited mustangs 
showed but a few inches above the drifts ; unless 
help came swiftly the doom of Messrs. Phelan, 
O'Connor, Sharon and Schmiedell was sealed. 
And there was not a Bible in the crowd. 

*' It is customary, I believe, on these occasions," 
said Senator Sharon, breaking the painful silence 
which succeeded the attack on Mr. Schmieden's 
brandy-flask, " it is customary for each gentleman 
to write a diary. Can any of the present company 
furnish me with a pencil 'I " 

" If the honorable gentleman who has last 
spoken will allow me to suggest an amendment to 
the resolution,'' said Mr. Phelan, who being an 
ardent Land Leaguer, and having served a term in 
the Dublin Legislature, had " Cushing's Manual " 
at the tip of his tongue, "I think a relief party 
should be appointed by the Chairman to find the 
nearest comer grocery, and offer the natives ten or 
fifteen cents each to come to our rescue." Ad- 
miral O'Connor and Senator Sharon at once volun- 
teered, and after tenderly embracing their com- 
panions in misfortune, sprang from the wagon and 
disappeared in the snow. 

MR. THELAN'S DIARY. 

They are gone. Mr. Schmiedell and myself are 
left alone. Oh, the cruel, cruel snow, how it beats 
upon my unprotected shoulders. In moments like 
these how one's past flashes before him ! Could I 
alter the minut 's of the week gone by, would 
those diamonds I gave, with a groan at their cost, 
be paste I Would I be guilty of such a deception 
as prevailing on the salesman to attach a ticket call- 
ing for §100 to a §10 present? I would not. 
Schmiedell slumbers. Can I abstract his overcoat 
without disturbing his deadly torpor? I cannot. 
He awakens, and with a hoarse imprecation 
threatens to knock m} r infernal head off. Alas ! 
even the presence of death has no effect upon 
some natures. It fails to subdue and softon them. 
Schmieden dozes again. I can feel his flask. Can 
I get at it without restoring him to consciousness ? 
I cannot. He declares, with a shocking oath, that 
he will murder me if I don't keep my hands off' 
his property. Still hardened and unrepentant. Does 
he believe in another world \ It cannot be, or 
this fearful situation would subdue him. I have 
no receipt from the relief party for my contribution 
towards the rescue fund. This will be an induce- 
ment for them to linger and drink and sing, and 
forget us. I never, no, never again, will be guilty 
of such an unbusinesslike transaction. 

MK. SCHMIEDELL'.S DIARY. 

I feel my strength rapidly fading away. Still, 
if I do not bear up for a little while Phelan will 
get my overcoat. And my pocket-flask. And my 
life-insurance policy. I wish I had joined the re- 
lief party, and left Phelan alone. He is a terri- 
ble companion in a snow-storm. Ha ! he is tug- 
ging at my overcoat again. I feel him groping 
around for my pocket-flask. I appeal to him. He 
pretends to relent, and his lips mutter as if in 
prayer. Confound me if he is not running over 



the multiplication table. And no doubt convinced 
that he is reciting an extract from the Roman 
Missel. I'll write'no more. I'll— [Here the diary 
becomes illegible, and the pages bear traces of a 
scuffle, emitting a strong odor of brandy, which 
seems to confirm the impression among Arctic ex- 
plorers that the castaways were disputing about 
rations.] 

THE RELIEF PARTY. 

While this harrowing scene was taking place in 
the wagon, Messrs. O'Connor and Sharon worked 
manfully through the snow. Their mode of pro- 
gression was ingenious. They had unhitched the 
least exhausted of the horses, and Mr. O'Connor 
convinced the Senator that their speediest way was 
to attach the legs of the latter to the traces, and 
form thus a sort of human sleigh. Mr. O'Connor 
then seating himself on the Senator's chest, took 
the lines, and all that was required was a string of 
merry bells to make the delusion complete. 

They might have driven a mile or so when the 
sleigh, that is, the Senator, tipped over, and shot 
Mr. O'Connor out into a huge drift. 

"Hallo!" cried the Admiral, "what have we 
here ?" 

The sleigh, or rather the Senator, arose to a sit- 
ting posture, and struck his chest heavily with his 
hand. 

"Another mile, Con.," he said, "and I was a 
dead man.'' Then he examined the obstruction. 
" It is a chimney," he cried. "We are on the 
roof of a corner grocery. The instinct of that 
noble animal has guided us aright. This is, in- 
deed, a marvelous deliverance." 

Mr. O'Connor cleared away the snow, and the 
chimney was disclosed. He shouted down the 
opening in a stentorian voice : 

" What, ho, below there, help ! help !" 

" Go 'vay, go "vay !" came from the depths ; u de 
peer is ovvet. Go 'vay, or I vill call de bolice- 
man ! " *■ 

" We are capitalists, San Francisco capitalists, 
lost in the snow," appealed O'Connor. " We have 
a horse here, a trick horse, just fresh from the cir- 
cus, and if you don't come up the chimney right 
oft*, he'll dance your old roof in." 

After some growling the head of the proprietor, 
a rubicund German, appeared. He was followed 
by his good wife, bearing a glass of lager in each 
hand. The horse dance threat had proved effect- 
ive. 

With witty jest and musical song did the res- 
cued explorers pass the hours, until Mr. O'Connor 
suddenly remembered that Phelan and Schmiedell 
were still in the snow. 

"Oh, they are all right," cried the Senator, mer- 
rily, " zwei layer, old Gambrinus," and he trolled 
out : 

" Though many a lass I loved is dead 

A nrl TYinmr n lnrl rrrnwn Pf»lH " — 



' Though many a lass 1 loved is ut 
And many a lad grown cold "— 



'' Come," said the humane Admiral, " we must 
go and hunt them up ; and rudely seizing their host 
they shoved him up the chimney, hitched him to 
the faithful animal on the roof, and seated com- 
fortably on the beer-seller's large carcass were soon 
sailing gaily back to the vagon. The screams of 
the Dutchman lent a vivid fascination to the ride, 
and now thoroughly wanned up by the lager, the 
hardy explorers enjoyed it keenly. 

A strange scene awaited them. Messrs. Phelan 
and Schmiedell had left the wagon and were roll- 
ing in a fearful struggle on the snow. Their yells 
were blood-curdling. With remarkable presence of 
mind, the relief party waited to hear what the row 
was about before attempting to separate the 
wre stlers. 

"I wrote it, 'tis mine; dastard, 'tis mine ! 
The opening verses were composed in Trinity Col- 
lege" — Here Schmiedell got his thumb on Phe- 
lan's windpipe, and chaunted grimly in his ea-, 
" They're mine, listen : 

" Once I was pure as the beautiful" — 

With a fierce yell, and before the Admiral could 
check him, Senator Sharon sprang upon the writh- 
ing men, and began to pummel Phelan and Schmie- 
den indiscriminately. 

" Ha, ruffians, claiming my poem !" bawled Sen- 
ator Sharon. "My own, my precious poem ! oh, 
villainous plagiarists ! oh — " 

It was fortunate that Admiral O'Connor was a 
man of muscle, else three corpses might have found 
winding sheets in those beautiful drifts. It was 
well that the Dutchman got his breath again, and 
helped the Admiral in the good work. But the re- 



turn to Orkland was a melancholy one. A gloom 
had fallen over the company, which was not dissi- 
pated until seated before a comfortable tire at the 
Palace, apologies were freely ottered and as freely 
received. Orion. 



XANTHIPPE, 



'Twas eighteen years ago this eve 
We let ourselves be yok'd together, 

As if Fate's strongest loom could weave 
For such unlikes a life-long tether. 

See how the snowy crystals fall 
Like blessings, and how soft and fast 

They spread their drapery like a pall 
To bury up our wretched past. 

I saw ahead the darkness thick 

And begged you let me then go free ; 

Your little self played woeful sick 

Lest lonely maidhood yours should be. 

Now you lament that Fate unkind 
Your prayers for happiness requited 

By severing our tie ? Too blind 
To see we ne'er were half united. 

You've had your willful way in part- 
But happii.ess on you smiled not ; 

That offspring of a generous heart 
Was ne'er of littleness begot. 

We found in years long gone that Fate 

Was reckless when she joined our hands ; 
But false Pride, cursing worse than hate, 

Refused to list to my demands. 
You ne'er knew what love is. No soul 

At once can foster love and pride ; 
One conquers, and if pride control 

Love lies death-stricken at its side. 

Is it so bad to part and so 

Cure the mistake our youth has made? 
Nay, live the lie— for none may know— 

And swear there's sunshine in our shade. 

You knew the stars could never shine 
For us, the moon ne'er give us light. 

Slave of false pride ! To lie was fine. 
Not proud enough to dare live right. 

I pleaded that for us the play 

< >f married life was tragedy, 
And— let the play be ended. Nay, 

You laugh'd, and in my gloom found glee. 

I pleaded that 'twas dire disgrace 

In thraldom we should thus be bound ; 

You stolidly sat in your place 

As if you were with virtues crowned, 

Speechless and reasonless and all 

Your little self absorbed in pride } 
Too small to know how worse than gall 

To him whose manhood was belied. 

So you have sat in reason's spite, 

And wagged your two-edged, sword-like tongue, 
And spat your slanders to requite 

The favors given when I was young. 

You never knew that jealousy 

Is self-love over-selfish, nor 
Felt that true woman's dignity 

To fetter manhood would abhor. 

Sweet Obstinacy 1 Linger so, 
Curse me what time life shall endure ; 

Unbind no fetters lest I know 
The joy that freedom would ensure. 

The world looks on and laughs. It sees 

That he you cling to's not at fault ; 
It wonders what the mystery is, 

You make on manhood such assault. 

But I can tell them. Never blessed 

With moral sense, you speed along 
By nothing e'er so much distressed 

As to confess you could be wrong. 

Farewell, Xanthippe ! Gripe the bone 

You cannot taste, nor suffer e'er 
Another to enjoy the one 

Your charms no longer can ensnare. 



San Francisco, Dec. 31, 18S8. 



-Mr 



THE WASP. 



THE MINISTER AND THE ROOSTERS. 



The Su/n has not been more shocked since its 
editor attempted to drive down a loose nail on the 
sidewalk, owing to the sleet thereon, than during 
the paat few days at a recital of the woes of a truly 
good preacher of the gospel at Franksville, who 
attempted to organize a revival among the 
men from Chicago and Milwaukee, who 
had gathered there to indulge in a cock tight. 
There were uliout a hundred hard citizens of Chi- 
cago and about twenty of the bright young men of 
Milwaukee, engaged in the manly sport of causing 
roosters to kick each other's intestines out. Had 
the crowd been made up of Milwaukee people, 
there is no doubt the elder would have had an in- 
teresting session, and it is probable he would have 
brought many souls to repentance, but the wicked 
Chicago young men seemed to leaven the whole 
lump, and the elder found difficulty in getting in 
his pious work. It is a great discouragement to a 
truly good man, in trying to bring sinners to see 
the error of their ways, to be hit in the neck by a 
dead rooster. We know that by experience in our 
pastorate elsewhere. It is unfortunate that 
roosters are endowed by nature with bad tempers, 
so that they will tight each other, even as politi- 
cians, church members and railroads will, but such 
is the case, and the presence of the Milwaukee 
young men was to do all in their power to keep the 
roosters' from lighting, but the wicked Chicago men 
made it impossible for the good Milwaukee young 
men to do as they desired. Men may say that the 
preacher, the Rev. Mr. Richardson, should have 
remained away from the scenes of blood, if he 
didn't want to have his hat jammed down over his 
eyes; but he is one of the elect, who could not stand 
by and see men periling their immortal souls by 
fighting roosters, without getting on a bos and 
telling them about what would become of them. 
People may talk about the hardships of mis- 
sionaries to heathen lands, but we doubt if any 
misrionary to a cannibal country, has, in bringing 
the cause before the heathen,. and attempting to 
turn them from their idols, been told to go and 
soak his head, or had a frozen hen stuffed down 
the back of his neck. When the truly good man 
spoke to the wicked Chicago men, of the pros- 
pects of their going to hell, some of them wanted 
to know if it was in Cook county. A minister 
who attempts to reform a gang of cock fighters has 
got to have habits firmly fixed or they will get him 
drunk. When the reverened gentleman was ex- 
horting the wicked Chicago men to cease their 
rooster bickering, one man handed him a flask Of 
benzine and asked him to wet his whistle. Such 
conduct is exasperating, and in a crowd where to 
decline to drink is something unknown, and looked 
upon as an insult, a minister is liable to draw a 
quantity of black eyes upon himself. When one 
reflects upon the toughness of the game rooster he 
can realize that a minister who was offered several 
dead roosters as compensation for his holy work, 
would feel that he was subjected to an indignity 
almost equal to having a donation party sprung 
upon him. We ase apt to think that our minis- 
ters enjoy a soft thing, but when we think of that 
poor, meek and humble follower of the lamb being 
a target for dead chickens, when he is trying to 
lead the wicked over slippery places, we feel that a 
minister's lot is, like the policeman's in' the "Pi- 
rates," not a very happy- one. Let him that is 
Without sin throwthe first dead rooster. — Peck's Hun. 



KIDNEY-WORT 



FOR THE PERMANENT CURE OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No other disease is so prevalent in thin coun- 
try as Constipation, and no remedy has ever 
equalled the celebrated Kidney-Wort as a 
cure. Whatever the cause, however obstinate 
the case, this reme dy w ill overcome it. 
P|l EC THIS distressing com- 
"■ka&wn plaint is very apt to be 
complicated ■withconstapation. Kidney- Wort 
strengthens the weakened parts and quickly 
cures all kinds of Piles even when physicians 
and medicines have before failed. 
*3- C3TIf you have either of these troubles 

PRICE SI. I USE I^Drueeists^eir 



KIDNEY-WORT 



-BKtAI WESTERN 





LYDIA E. PINKH AIM'S 

YEGETABLE COMPOUND. 



Is a Po 



■ Cnre 



For nil those Pn In fill Complaints and Weaknesses 
-» common to our boot female population. 

A Medicine for Woman. Invpntedby a Woman. 
Prepared by a Woman. 

The Great wt Hedlcnl Dbeowry Since the Dawn of History. 
GTIt revises the drooping- spirits, invigorates and 

harmonizes the organic functions, gives elasticity and 

flrmness to the step, restores t lie natural lustre to the 

eye, and plants on the pale check of woman the fresh 

roses of life's spring and early summer time. 

f3?~ Physicians Use Hand Prescribe It Freely *^9 
It removes faintness, flatulency, destroys all craving 

for stimulant, and relieves weakness of the stomach- 
That feeling of bearing down, causing pain, weight 

and backache, is always permanently cured by its use. 

For the care of Kidney Complaint* of either sex 
this Compound i- unsurpassed. 

TuTDJX E. PIXKIIAH'S BLOOD PURIFIER 

will eradicate every vestige <>r Eumors from the 
Blood, and triee tone and strength to the system, of 
man woman or child- Insist on having it. 

Both the Compound and Blood Purifier are prepared 
at 233 and 233 Western Avenue, Lynn, Mass. Price of 
either, SL Sis bottles for $5. Sent by majl in the form 
of pills, or of lozenges, onrcc*ipt of price, $1 per box 
for either. Mrs. Pinkham freely answers all letters of 
inquiry. Enclose Set. stamp. Send for pamphlet. 

No familY should be without LYDIA E. PES*KHA3I'S 
LIVES. PILLS. Tul-v cure constipation, biliousness, 
and torpidity of the liver. 25 cents per bos. 

jeSj-Sold by all Druggists. c ©&. 0) 




Asthma* Coughs, 

Colds, ('roup. in- 
fluenza, Bronchitis, 
Catarrh, Whooping- 

Coiigli, Loss of Voice. Incipient Consumption, and al 
Throat and Lung Troubles. 

In nine cases out of ten, one dose taken at bedtime will 
effectually and permanently eradicate the severest form 
of INFLUENZA, GOLD IN THE HEAD or CHEST. 
For Loss of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and Incipient Consumption, a longer sse of it is 
required to effect a permanent cure. 

ASK FOE THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam, 

A\D TAKE NO OHM. IE. Price, 50 Cents. 

J. R. GATES & Co., Druggists, Prop'rs. 

41" gansome Street, cor. Commercial, S. F. 



J. D. SPRECKELS & BROS., 

Shipping s Commission 

MERCHANT S. 

... AGENTS FOE.... 

Spreckels' Line of Hawaiian Packets, 

S. S. Hepworth's Centrifugal Machines, 

Reed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Covering. 
No. 327 Market Street, 

Comer Fremont, SAN FRANCISCO. 

DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

SAN FRANC ISCO SArVTNGS UNION, 
532 California street, cor. Webb. 
For the half year ending 31st December, 1882, a divi- 
dend has been declared at the rate of four and thirty-two 
one-hundredths (4 32-100) per cent, per annum on Term 
Deposits, and three and sixty one-hundredths (3 GO-100) 
per cent, per annum on Ordinary Deposits, free of Fed- 
eral Tax, payable on and aft er W ednesday, 17th January, 
1883. LOVETT WHITE, Cashier. 



AKE HOME BEAUTIFUL! 



House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of Art. The 
Largest fctock of "Wall Papers in the City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO., 

645 Market Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE Ok COLOR. 



I®. BUSH BTl^IEIET ill 

^foRN'^Tfur*,,^ 

The Largest Stock— The Latest Styles, 

CALL AKD SEE BEFORE PURCHASING- ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



1 i . 




THE JUDGE : AND THE THIEVES. 




■ ■ . 






■ 5 ■&yih ; i^w**"* 



iKSffl^P^"'" "' 


i't '■ ill ri i' 




*WPlfc... 




THE THIEVES AND THE JUDGE. 



10 



THE WAS" 



SACRAMENTO ADVERTISERS 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. S^The most extensive establishment on the 
Pacific Coast. Eastern office, SS Wall street, New York. 

BRUCE HOUSE, 1018 J STREET, bet. 10th & 11th, 
Sacramento, Ual. P. C, Smith, proprietor. Board 
and Lodging, per week, $5. Board, per week, §>4. 
Meals, 25 cents. SS" All kinds of cold and hot drinks on 
hand. 



CLAUSS & WERTHEIMS' BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment. Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J street, Sacramento, Cal. 



R. MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
creases the appetite, prevents indigestion, strength- 



^r ens the system, purifies the blond and gives tone to 
the stomach. $& No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K street, Sacramento. 



FOUND AT LAST- AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of Hair to Bald 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color. I warrant this Restorative 
as harmless. tfSTBrepared and sold by Henry Euchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. E. Richards & Co., wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. 



GOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECOM- 
niended by all who use them for their effectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. SSs His California 
Rheumatic Cure has no equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES-W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm Produce; Fruits at wholesale ; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
jJSTOne of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 



GW. CHESLEY, 51 FRONT STREET, SACRA- 
mento, Cal., importer and wholesale liquor dealer, 
• sole agents for the genuine Rock and Rye, Maple 
Rum and the famous Cundurango Bitters. 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS. 



HWACHHORST (Signof the Town Clock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
■ elry and Silverware. Established since 1S50 and 
well known all over the Coast for reasonable prices and 
superior quality of goods, $3f Watch repairing a specialty. 
Care given to the selection of Bridal, Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 J street (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, Cal. 

LK. HAMMER, 820 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
Cal., agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
• Organs. A complete stock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on hand. 
&5T Strings a specialty. 

PACIFIC WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS, J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento. 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels, 
Gears, Bodies, etc. £2fAlarge stock constantly on hand. 

SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER,- IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses -west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1850. 422 J street, Sacramento. ^"Clocks, 
Watches and Jewelry repaired with great care. 



STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
S6 to §12 per week. Family Rooms, §1 to 62.50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H.Eldred, proprietor. 



THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street, 
Marysville. C. H. Gilman, proprietor. iJSTThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. The originator of 
the " One Price " — goods being marked in plain figures. 



WM. M. LYON (SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 
Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR " SPERRY'S NEW 
Process Flour " — the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, San Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co proprietors. 



A VON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
U completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
; South worth, proprietors. 




BURNHAM'S ABIETENE. NO COMPOUND 
but "a pure distilation from a peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds, etc. Sold by all druggists. 



CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NOAK, 
agent for the best California Windmills and Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. O. Box, 312. SS" Send for price list. 

EAGLE HOTEL. TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board §4 per week. 
Board and Lodging, $5 to 86. Per day, SI to §1,25. 
Meals, 25 cents. . S3T Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H- Allen, proprietress. 



Garmore'sEa^lsL 

A- Invented and worn by film 
perfectly restoring - the hearing. .En. 
tirely deaf for thirty years, he hears with 
them even whispers, distinctly. Are' 
not observable, and remain in posi- 
tion without aid. Descriptive Circular 
Free. CAUTION: Do not be deceived 
by bogus ear drums. Mine is the only 
successful artificial Ear Drum manu- 
factured. 

JOHN GARMORE, 

Filth & Kace Sts., Cincinnati, O. 



3 O DAYS' TRIAL FREE ! 

We send free on 30 days' trial; Dr. Oye's Electro- Voltaic 
Belts and oilier electric appliances to Urn sutler ins 
from Nervous Debility, Lost Vitality and Kindred 
Troubles. Also ntr i ciicaiiiiiatisni. Liver and Kidney 
Troubles, aird many other diseases. Si eedy i.ures guaran- 
teed. Illustrated pamphlet* free." Address 

VOLTAIC KELT CO.. Marshall, Nick. ' 



FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer, importer and dealer, cor. Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. SS" Illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application. T 



GREAT REDUCTION.. STOCKTON- IMPROVED 
Gang' Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ;' 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom .and warehouse, cor. Kl Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Glob.e' Ikon Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail'. John Caine, sole proprietor. P: 
O, Box, 95, Stockton. 



GRANGERS' UNION OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL~ 
ley. (Incorporated May 14, '74.) Importers and 
dealers in Agricultural Implements and a full line 



of General Hardware, No 
ton, Cal. 



280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 



HC. SHAW. PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 
Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 
' Stockton Gang Plows} Farm and Spring Wagons, 
Hardware, etc., etc. Office and warerooms, 201 and 203 
El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
■ dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc. No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 

H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
• Odd Fellows' Block, Stockton, Cal. 




M 



ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal. 



PACIFIC COAST LAW, MERCANTILE AND 
Patent Agency. Joshua B. Webster, attorney at 
law. Practice in all Courts, State and Federal. 
Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
Practice, including Patent and Copyright Law. tfSTPrin- 
cipal office, Room No. 1, Eldridge's Building (opp. the 
Courthouse) Stockton. 



STOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, §500,000. Deposits payable in 
time or on demand. Pays 5 per cent, interest after 
30 days. Domestic and foreign exchange. Transacts gen- 
eral banking business. L. U. Shippee, president ; F. M, 
West, cashier. 



(This Engraving represent the Lungs in & healthy state. 

Ky its laKlit'iil use CONSUMPTION HAS KEEN C1IUED 

when other lEcmcdics and Thysicians have 

tailed to effect a cure. 

WM. C. Diggins, Merchant of Bowling Green, Va., 
writes April 4, 1881, that he wants us to know that the 
Lung Balsam has cured his mother of cunxumption, after 
the physicians had given her up as incurable. He says 
others knowing her ca.-e have taken the Balsam and been 
cured ; he thinks all so afflicted should give it a trial. 

W.M. A. Guaiiam & Co., Wholesale Druggists, Zanes-' 
ville, Ohio, writes us of the cure uf Mathias Freeman, a 
well-known citizen, who had been afflicted with Bronchitis 
in its worst form for twelve years. The Lung BalsaM 
cured him, as it has many others of Bronchitis. 

Voluntary Editorial Irom the Oithii<|nc " Herald.' 1 

Allen's Lung Balsam is a popular remedy in Dubuque 
and the surrounding country. The druggists whom we 
have interviewed in regard to the sale of different reme- 
dies for Lung Diseases, all speak in high terms of Allen's 
Lung Balsam, not only as having the largist sale but of 
giving entire satisfaction wherever it is used. In relation 
to its excellent curative properties we can speak from ex- 
perience, having used it in our family for a long time.' 

FOR SALE JiY ALL MEDICINE DEALERS. 

Trade supplied bv 

REDDINGTON & CO., San Francisco, California. 

LAUGHL1N & MICHAEL, " 

J. J. .MACK & CO., " " ■' 



THE PACIFIC ASYLUM. STOCKTON. SETHIS 
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superior. For terms, apply to the proprietor, Dr. Asa 
Clark, Stockton. References, Dr. L. C. Lane, San Fran- 
cisco, and Dr. G. A. Shurtleff, Superintendent State In- 
sane Asylum, Stockton. 

WILLIAMS' BALSAMIC CREAM OF ROSES 
is unsurpassed for beautifying the complexion and 
making the skin soft and nice. It is just the thing 
for chopped hands. For sale by all druggists or dealers 
in fancy goods. 



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Importeis of 

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Of all Kinds. 

413 and 415 SANSOME St- 



I Imve a positively, 
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worst kind and ol longstanding havo been cured. Indeed, so strong 
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gether with a VALUABLE TREATISE on (his disease, to any suffer- 
er, 61re Express &. P.O. address DR.T. A. SLOCDM, 1S1 Pearl St., N.Y. 



CONSUMPTION 



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Nervous and Physical Debility, Vital Ex- 
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all the terrible results of abused nature, ex- 
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upon the system. 

Permanent Cures Guaranteed. 
Price, $2,50 per bottle, or 5 bottles $10.00 
To be had only of Of. C. D. SALFIELD, 
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TRIAL BOTTLE FREE, 
Sufficient to show its merit, will be sent to 
anyone applying by letter, stating his symp- 
toms and age. Communications strictly 
confide ndal 



THE WASP. 



11 



THE HAWAIIAN TREATY AND THE "CHRONICLE, 1 



Etei iprocity treaties are mutual concessions, 

granting certain privileges which are to be c 

pensated by corresp mding advantages of equitable 
value. The advantage of such treaties between 
nations whose relations are purely commer- 
cial, can be best estimated by statistics oi 
import and export, by the recorded exchange of 
commodities between such nations, and by the 
balance of resulting values. Since all articles of 
trade have, beside an actual, intrinsic, also a rela- 
tive, commercial value, the same is easily reducible 
to figures which represent the cash-exchange, 
arisiue from such commercial intercourse. Now 
il such a test were to be applied to the Hawaiian 
treaty, what would be the result? 

The export of merchandise to the Hawaiian 
Islands, from the port of San Francisco alone, since 
187l"t, when the treaty Hist went into effect, has 
Bteadily increased until the amount of the Hrst 
year, $782,897 has been swelled to $2,652,075 in 
L881, and will presumably exceed s:J,<_HK),000 for 
the year 1882. Almost 75 percent, of all values 
imported in exchange for the above exportation, 
consists of raw produce, which must be manufac- 
tured in San Francisco in order to become a mar- 
ketable commodity. Since such raw produce is in 
large part the product of soil owned and cultivated 
by American citizens, it is quite evident that the 
balance is largely in our favor. 

If it be further considered that but for that 
treaty a very important and extensive industry 
(that of refining sugar) would have been on this 
coast of very insignificant porportions ; that such 
industry, in its present extent, is a very important 
enterprise, which employs hundreds of our people; 
that the Hawaiian trade has been the direct cause 
of the building and fitting out of a fleet of some 
thirty vessels and ten or twelve steamers, thus 
giving a strong impetus to a languishing industry, 
that of ship-building ; that there are again hun- 
dreds of American citizens directly interested and 
materially benefited by such carrying tr*de, it is 
difficult to conceive how any honest-minded, pub- 
lic-spirited person or corporation can avow and 
advocate any opposition to such an advantageous 
contract. 

Yet the Chronicle, although advocating similar 
treaties with other countries where the benefits are, 
as yet, a mere surmise, and the advantages purely 
problematic, persistently opposes the renewal of a 
treaty whose advantages are fully substantiated, 
the benefits of which are amply authenticated, the 
continuance of which is urged by the most com- 
petent judges of the situation— our merchants. 

The columns of a newspaper are too valuable 
to be used extensively for the luxury of the grati- 
fication of a spite. If ever circumstantial evi- 
dence pointed to a corrupt bargain ; if ever 
anything was proved beyond a reasonable doubt 
without the testimony of eye-witnesses, the Chroni- 
cle stands to-day convicted as a journal which, un- 
mindful of its loyalty to the commonwealth, has 
bartered away its honesty and become the hired ad- 
vocate of the interests of hostile aliens. 

The best and largest, the most influential and 
highly respected portion of our merchants, who, 
after all, are the best judges of the advantage or 
disadvantage of a commercial treaty, have, through 
the different Presidents of the Board of Trade, 
year after year, commen-Iedand urged the wisdom 
and advantage of the continuance and extension 
of the Hawaiian treaty. 

President Taber, of the Board of Trade, at the 
annual meeting of the Board in 1880, addressed 
the members as follows : 

"The first step in what may be called the new 
national policy in commerce, as shown in the Ha- 
waiian Treat} 7 , lias worked so well for the mercan- 
tile, manufacturing and producing interests of this 
coast, and for the United States in general, that it 
may be worth the consideration of this Board of 
Trade how far its members shall exert themselves, 
through our representatives in Congress, to bring 
about an extension of this policy. There are mil- 
lions of people in Mexico and Central America, 
our immediate neighbors, a preference of whose 
custom might be obtained for the United States. 

"If the commerce of less than 70,000 people in 
the Sandwich Islands has, from the operation of 
the treaty during three or four years, become so 
important, how much more important would be 
the results of treaties based on the same principle 
made with Mexico and the five States of Central 
America ?" 

President Taber, addressing the Board again in 



February, L882,said: "The Board collectively, 

as well as by individual efiort, would ilo wisely in 
using all legitimate means to secure treaties be- 
tween the United States and Mexico ; also, the 
Centra] and South American Republics, which 
would encourage mutual trade, as tfiat with the Ha- 
waiian Kingdom has d 

For this report the President received a 
vote of thanks, and publication of the report was 
ordered. 

Being confronted frith such positive proofs of the 
falsity of its position, the Chronicle takes refuge 
behind another sophism. It holds that the class 
of our exports are but such as cannot be imported 
into the islands from any other country, by reason 
of our superior geographical position. The statis- 
tics show that we have the preference of trade on 
the part of the Islanders, not merely because we 
are the nearest port of supplies, but in the actual 
fulfillment of reciprocity; the people of the Ha- 
waiian Islands trade with San Francisco when 
England, the Australian colonies, Germany and 
France are continually bidding for their patronage; 
the Islanders, with the true spirit of reciprocal 
commerce, purchase from those who purchase from 
them, and it is here in San Francisco that the 
Islands find the best market for their produce. 

The Chronicle lays particular stress upon one 
item, that of machinery, bought by the Etawaiiana 
during the year 187"— 1880. The discrepancy in 
the usual amount of export of machinery from the 
United States to the Islands during that year, 
amounting to a difference of nearly $200,000 in 
favor of English machinery, was owing to the cir- 
SLimstance that a powerful English syndicate of 
English capitalists, of which the Glasgow Iron 
Works were the principal stockholders, had engaged 
in sugar-raising, and the Glasgow stockholders in- 
troduced their own machinery, partly from natural 
disinclination to buy other manufactures when 
they themselves were in the same line of business, 
and partly as an advertisement of their machinery, 
which they claimed was superior to American. 
The sequel is, that the equilibrium of machinery 
exports from this port to the Hawaiian Islands has 
been completely restored, and that the amount of 
American machinery used at the Islands exceeds 
that of any and all other manufactures five to one. 
The Cll/ronicle is not content with garbling state- 
ments of that class ; it goes further and anims 
that the treaty is a subterfuge for the importation 
of Manilla and Chinese sugars, the importers on 
this coast availing themselves of the privileges of 
the treaty, and the products of those countries be- 
ing entered at our ports duty-free, because the pro- 
ducts have been trans-shipped from the Hawaiian 
Islands. This charge has been subjected to the 
most searching investigation on the part of the 
Custom House department, and the American Min- 
ister in a special report to Washington has pro- 
nounced this a " falsehood " and "base invention," 
proving by the port-entries and clearing-lists the 
absolute impossibility of such a flagrant fraud. 

But such statements are quite equal to the ro- 
mances and ingenious sensations circulated by the 
same journal, which described in passionate lan- 
guage the abuse of labor upon the Islands, and 
characterized the labor contracts as "peonage" 
and " slavery " of the worst form. 

The Portuguese Government, through their 
consul, and by direct communication with the home 
Government, has thoroughly investigated that sub- 
ject and not only exonerated the employers, but 
have quite recently, under direct contract with the 
authorities, ratified the further immigration of 
thousands of their thrifty sons of toil, being con- 
vinced that their condition and treatment. at the 
Islands is a decided improvement upon their con- 
dition at home. This has been a basis for a new 
treaty between Portugal and the Hawaiian Islands 
and at this moment there are at least two ship- 
loads of Portuguese emigrants on their way to their 
new home at the Islands. 

But there is another charge formulated by the 
Chronicle: That of using the privileges and advan- 
tages of the Hawaiian treaty for the exclusive 
benefit of a single individual, Mr. Claus Spreckles. 
Were this charge not malignant and false as the 
rest, it would still be no argument against the ad- 
vantages of the treaty ; for even if that advan- 
tage be enjoyed by one American citizen only, it 
would yet remain an advantage. But that it is 
enjoyed by Mr. Spreckles only, is false— false in 
every particular. Mr. Spreckles is a mere share- 
bolder in a large and remunerative enterprise, and 
has personally just as great a proportionate in- 
terest and benefit from the treaty as the propor- 



tion of his shares to the entire enterprise repre- 
sents, liesides, the cry of monopoly is utterly with- 
out warrant, since the business of sugar-refining is 
open to any one who has the means, the capacity 
and the enterprise to engage in it. There are two 
different companies engaged in that business here, 
even now, and if there were any arbitrary oppres- 
sion on the part of one or the other, or any conniv- 
ance of the two, for the purpose of an onerous 
monopoly, there are capital and energy enough 
among our merchants to find an instant and effi- 
cient remedy. It is a standing taunt and slander 
upon the judgment of our mercantile community 
to make and repeat the charges of an oppressive 
surgar monopoly, and is an inuendo that every 
merchant engaged in the sugar trade constitutes 
himself particeps criminis — an accomplice in the' 
fraud upon the community. 

It is an undeniable fact that the quality of sugar- 
produced and sold in San Francisco as a result of 
that treaty is pure, and therefore of a superior 
quality to that marketed by Eastern refiners. The 
pernicious adulterations which flood the Eastern 
States, the glucose and other" deceptions, have 
found no market here. It is equally true that 
neither jobber nor consumer is paying more for 
the jJ'ire article here, than the same people are 
obliged to pay for an inferior article in the States 
east of us. 

The Chronicle, not quite satisfied with its own 
course, quotes the subservient echoes of its own 
lies from the columns of some of the rural papers, 
which, like a pack of sheep, follow their leader. It 
prints the obscure names of the little country 
napkins, and flatters them with that kind of city 
notoriety ; and abroad, where neiter Chronicle nor 
its small yappeting whelps are so well known as 
they are on this coast, it strengthens its cause by 
such tactics. But leaving the Chronicle and its 
"policy," which cannot rise to any higher con- 
sideration of any subject than that of the imme- 
diate gain to its polluted cotters, let us consider 
the question of the renewal of the Hawaiian treaty 
from a higher standpoint. Not merely the Pacific 
States, but the entire continent of North America 
has been aroused to a recognition of the impor- 
tance of the Chinese immigration. There is a 
general sentiment that the unrestricted importa- 
tion of Chinese labor must eventually result in 
the degradation of our own people. The Sandwich 
Islands are the foundation of a pier to bridge the 
difficulties existing to a transpacific passage of un- 
limited Chinese hordes to the shores of the United 
States. It is still fresh in the minds of people in- 
terested in the affairs at the Hawaiian Islands, 
how the islanders, amid tremendous excitement, 
beseiged the King in his palace at Honolulu be- 
cause of his refusal to repudiate C. f esar Celso Mo- 
reno and that gentleman : s plans for a transfer of 
the Islands to the Chinese Government. The 
ridicule and the slurs cast upon the scheme of Mo- 
reno by a short-sighted press of this city does not 
dismiss the fact that the Chinese have made a 
bona fide bid for the acquisition of the Islands ; 
does not dismiss the danger of their ultimate suc- 
cess in annexing or purchasing that important 
group— important to no other nation as it is to the 
United States. The opening of the Canada Pacific 
Railroad offers an additional channel for the 
produce of the Islands; Great Britain looks en- 
viously upon the advantages enjoyed to-day by 
Americans, by virtue of the reciprocity treaty. 
The Australian colonies look for their sugar supply 
to the Hawaiian Islands as the most convenient 
group to furnish it. Should the United States 
forego all the advantages gained during the exist- 
ence of the treaty, simply because a hired advo- 
cate of Eastern glucose interests rears his crest and 
hisses forth a stream of lies ? 

Our political as well as commercial advantages 
reouire either a control of, or the closest commer- 
cial and political relations with, the Hawaiian 
Islands; and considering the possible advantage 
of such relations, which in the event of foreign 
complications would become the welcome oppor- 
tunity of a strategic point, the importance of the 
continuance of that treaty, and the consummation 
of similar treaties with other states whose borders 
fringe the Pacific Ocean, is of vital importance to 
our Government. The fact that the Examiner of 
this city was approached and offered inducements 
to attack the treaty — an offer that was indignantly 
spurned by that journal — as contrasted with the 
unwarranted attacks upon the treaty by the 
( hronichj places the latter in the proper light of a 
hired enemy of a measure which has the approval 
of all right-minded people. 



12 



THE WASP. 



SNOBKINS, 



How the Morning Crocodile Reporter Got His Work 
the Great 



in at 



I am a reporter on the Daily Morning Crocodile. 
lam one of those excrescences that work on "detail' 1 
and live upon the crumbs that fall from the ban- 
quet of the regular staff. 

The Crocodile got left on the Snobkins party last 
year. The Morning Squall had an elaborate re- 
port, but the day was arctic for us. For the Snob- 
kins party this year the noble chiefs decided to 
make at least an effort; and so they cast about for 
a hook. I happen to have made a mild success in 
the Jenkins line once or twice, and for that reason 
when things began to look desperate it was re- 
solved that among other efforts to be made for the 
procuring of a report I should visit the Snobkins 
mansion and beg a few particulars from the wid- 
owed proprietor. Therefore, on the afternoon of 
the fete-day, I climbed to the palace of the noble 
chatelaine, on Snob Hill. 

The polished pavement and tesselated landings 
of the entrance resounded with a haughty and re- 
pellant clank, as I stepped up with the timid mien 
and cowed demeanor of the average Crocodile re- 
porter. With trembling hand I pulled the bell, 
and stood waiting before the heavy portals through 
whose glass panels I could descry kaleidoscopic 
colors in carpet and ceiling. 

The five minutes which elapsed before the door 
opened gave me time to gain courage, and my fea- 
tures began to resume their former metallic lustre. 
I glanced about me with an eye to business, and 
took mental memoranda for the report which I was 
going to write — Snobkins willing or unwilling. 
" Aha !" exclaimed I to myself, in quotation from 
my forthcoming report, 

w 'The noble grandeur of the castelated pile— the Gothic 
pillars severely chaste in their simple shaft and massive 
base— the mosaic pavement and granite vases — all were 
bathed in silvery moonlight, as the guests in fleecy wraps 
and thick surtouts came trooping up the spacious — ' " 

Just here the door slowly opened and a cerberus 
in the shape of a British bulldog footman stood 
before me. He was not clad in the traditional 
knee-breeches habiliaments of Jeames Yellow- 
plush, but the olympian sublimity which gleamed 
from every lineament bespoke his entire confidence 
in his own superiority. I meekly handed him my 
introductory note, murmuring that it was for Mrs. 
Snobkins. He majestically received the note, and 
then, with a sweep of his hand, loftily observed 
that I might step into the waiting-room. 

That I should be taken for a servant might he 
accounted for by several circumstances : my coat 
was a short frieze cut-away ; I have a narrow strip 
of hair on each side of my jowl, and especially was 
I bearing a note —certainly I must be a messenger 
from some invited guest. 

As he turned toward a side-room to carry the 
missive to his mistress, I, with an air of innocent 
stupidity, instead of going into the designated 
waiting-room, passed onward through a pair of 
heavy doors into a vast apartment beyond. My 
reasons for this proceeding were that I was bound 
to get that report, and, if I could not get Mrs. 
Snobkins' permission, then I must make the best 
use of what I could hear and see. 

The room had the proportions of a great 
hall. The ceiling stretched up to the roof, while 
on every side rare paintings decked the walls. 
" Let me see," I soliloquized : 

(( The softened lights cast their lustre on hundreds of 
gallant men and fair women, as the Terpsichorean mazes 
were threaded to the music of Ballenberg's best. The 
hostess, attired in a magnificent robe of satin de Lyons, 
en train, gathered in heavy puffs at the back, shirred in 
front with deep rows of black point de Venice, corsage a la. 
Di/rectoire, permitting the display of the magnificent dia- 
mond necklace which the illustrious wearer secured at re- 
duced price from an unfortunate and impoverished French 
Count, who had been — " 

Again was my train of composition broken, as 
there bore down upon me a* portly personage in a 
black steel-pen coat. He was graced by a pair of 
very heavy "haw-haw" whiskers; his voice and 
manner were unmistakably English, and his words 
seemed to delight in seducing from one another 
the letter H. 

"John 'Enery, in 'eavens name, who left these 
doors open — to allow hevery wulgar beast as comes 



along to' henter these apartments?" angrily ex- 
claimed this superb creature, as I hastily backed 
out. John 'Enery was just returning from deliv- 
ering the letter. The speaker gave him a few ad- 
monitory directions, and sharply closed the doors. 
But, notwithstanding this, it was too late, for I 
had absorbed sufficient particulars for a column of 
description. 

" 'Er ladyship says as you're to wait, me man." 

I was completely *iyself now. Verily, I re- 
joiced. The conviction was firm upon his mind 
that I was a serving-man like himself, although a 
trifle lower. I at once assumed my most servile 
tone, and gave an Irish twist to my mug. 

lt In service 'ere ? " he queried. 

My heart gave a leap. He was loquacious. 

" Groornin' for Cokeson in San Rafael," I un- 
blushingly replied, in a raspish voice. 

He softened — in fact, his manner assumed a 
condescending benignity. 

" It's rather a goodish day for the feete." 

"The what?" 

" The feete — the— aw — the reception — aw — the 
egstro'nary ball and banquet 'er ladyship's giving 
to-night." 

" Many comin ? " I ventured. 

" Over height 'undred," returned John 'Enery. 
. "Jubilate! The Morning Squall distanced 
again," I softly murmured to myself, as I made a 
mental rubric to his information. Let me see : 



find them out ; family, Norman — name, originally, 
De Snobblekins." 

"Yes, the name, come to think, does sound 
Norman," I rejoined. 

" There's a lot of hancient family portraits com- 
ing over next month, which same represents the 
De Snobblekinses in harmor, away to the hantique 
Romans." 

Just at this point there was a light step in the 
hall ; John 'Enery bowed abjectly to the ground ; 
a gray dress fluttered through the door ; and 
there stood before me a lady — young, above the 
medium height, and fair as day. I stood confused, 
as her lips parted and words danced forth like the 
sweet chimes of a silvery bell. 

"My aunt is very sorry, but she has decided not 
to throw open her house to the press, with but one 
exception — the society reporter on the Morning 
Scavenger, who is a friend. The reporter for the 
Squall has already been refused. I am very sorry 
— but we shrink so from the extreme publicity of 
the press." 

I bowed a silent acknowledgment, and was 
courteously dismissed. But I was not ca a t down, 
for I had secured the materials for a column de- 
scription. And you may see the result on the 
fourth page of last Monday's Crocodile. 

DODDINGTON PRY. 

San Francisco, January 3, 188$. 



"Nearly a thousand of the chief representatives of San 
Francisco's wealth, beauty, and fashion eagerly re- 
sponded to the invitations so discriminately given by the 
hostess. Every one who has any just pretensions to 
social influence had secured the talisman of admission. 
The Van Ness avenue palaces had furnished their quota of 
loveliness. The magnates of Rincon Hill " 

"There's an uncommon sight of work to be 
done in these hextensive affairs, " remarked the 
footman, interrupting my train of description. 

" I s : pose you've got every man and woman in 
the house bustling round," returned I, encourag- 
ingly. 

" There's 'leven 'undred hindividuals in the 
'ouse at work. Two dozen nurserymen was en- 
gaged three days ago, a working hever since, mak- 
ing wreaths and garlanges of posies to 'ang round 
the apartments." 

Again my mental note-book was brought into 
requisition : 

"For weeks previously a small army of servitors was 
engaged iu executing the elaobrate plans which wealth 
and good taste had suggested. The treasures of hot- 
houses and gay pxrterres had been rifled for this gala 
night. Dozens of liveried lacqueys were hastening 
through the " 

" They're 'ard at work at the canvass for the 
dancing tloor in the great 'all just now." 

"That's the place which that fat man in the 
split-tail coat giv' me the bounce from," I replied. 

"That was 'Obson, the butler. 'E's served in 
noble families in the hold country for twenty 
years. 'Er ladyship procured his services at large 
hexpense. 'E's seeing to setting the small trees 
between the columns." 

Once more I penciled notes on the tablets of 
my brain of how 

"Youths and maidens dreaming strayed through the 
miniature forests, or feasted their eyes on the rare works 
of art which the culture and taste of the wealthy hostess 
had showered on every side." 

But just then there tripped past the door a lit- 
tle man in black. He had a foreign air, with his 
waxed mustachios and carefully curled locks. 

"That's M'seer Alphonse, our young gentle- 
man's wally-de-sham. 'E was got from Paris, and 
is said to speak French in a style that is quite su- 
perior. " 

"What is that 1 " asked I, pointing to a figured 
shield over the archway of the door. 

" Them ? Ho, them's the Snobkins harms. " 

"The what?" 

" The Escutcheon de Snobkins. It's or— a 
tower gules — on base vert — embattled azure ; Crest 
a hoak-tree proper," exclaimed John 'Enry in a 
single breath. 

" Is that thing a tower?" 

" Most hobviously ; what else would you take it 
for?" 

" Oh well, it looks something like a wash-board 
with the soap up in one corner. Now, I'd take it 
to be : or — a wash-board, gules, in a tub, vert. 

" Why, them was got at great hexpense from 
Lunnon. Me lady paid a man for three weeks to 



BUTTERING THE BUTTERMAN. 



Pajaro, December 31, 1882. 
Editor of the Wasp— Sir : If Governors Stone- 
man, Perkins, ' Estee — elect and non-elect — with 
others of great and little quality were really pres- 
ent at Mr. Wilson's Bull-butter banquet in the 
Palace Hotel, as was reported iu a live city daily, 
do they know what they are about? Let us see 
somewhat. This Bull-butter banquet was given 
under the guise of a trumpet -blast to herald a new 
industry up and down the Pacific coast. What 
kind of an industry is this new thing 'I It is to 
make a tallow caricature and label it " Butter," 
or " Oleomargarine Butter." 

Oleomargarine can be made of any kind of fat. 
The best is made of ox-tallow. This ox-tallow is 
obtained from slaughter-houses, and from the great 
cattle ranches when death ensues to the ox (and 
cow) from what cause soever. The cleanest of this 
tallow comes from the really clean slaughter- 
houses, which are not, to say the least, as numer- 
ous as they might be. The really clean slaughter- 
houses are clean in some senses, but not in others. 
During our long Pacific slope and Mexican summer 
no slaughter-house is clean in the matter of blow- 
flies and fly-blows. The beef which is to be sold 
in the open market, from the cleanest houses, is 
dressed at night or in a dark room ; in other houses 
it is dressed no matter when and, sometimes, not 
much matter how. But the tallow and fat-scraps 
for the big rendering kettle are thrown into open 
boxes, tubs, etc., to accumulate a kettleful. While 
waiting through this epoch of accumulation the 
flies have a good time hatching maggots in the re- 
cesses of the tallow. When boiling time comes, 
which is hastened at times to prevent the maggots 
walking off with the lively grease — the full-blown 
mass is heaved into the kettle — maggots and all — 
and rendered into melted tallow. The maggots 
being a product evolved from the grease — with a 
little entomological asssistance — may be some 
grease too. Perhaps the maggots make the best 
oleomargarine. It seems, however, in the present 
state of the killing trade, that tallow is not the 
thing to be endorsed by Governors, and other 
wealthy buyers of gilt-edged butter, as the best 
spread for a poor man's bread. Before these dis- 
tinguished gentlemen are hoo-dooed into another 
Bull-butter banquet they had better study the his- 
tory of commercial tallow. If Gov. Perkins is a 
sailor, as he claims to be, and has sailed the south- 
ern seas, he ought to be able to tell some sweet and 
clean tallow tales. We may suppose that the oleo- 
margarine man will promise that his "butter" 
shall only be made of clean, hard kidney tallow, 
but that promise can only be taken for what the 
business will permit it to be worth. There is a 
terrible temptation to do a big dirt in the oleomar- 
garine business. Attorney' for the Cow. 



In our last attack of Milton Nobles his playbills 
read " The Phoenix. A Drama of To-day — Intense 
in Unman Interest." Upon reading this announce- 
ment Bilkins remarks that he owed a note at the 
bank which was a drama of sixty days and intense 
in compound interest. 



THE WASP. 



31 



TALK ABOUT THEATERS. 

The week has brought no material changes either in the 
quantity or quality of the amusements offered. Youth 
i* well established at the * rrand ' tpera House ; Tin Waiad 
Qua « i- in the last throes of dissolution at the < latifornia ; 
M't Son in- Zaw attracts paying audiences at the Baldwin. 
Bmeraon has changed the programme somewhat and plays 
to overflowing houses. Leavitt'a "All Stars" offer new 
attractions. Qberon, at the Tivoli, and A Voyage to t/te 
Mn.'u, at the Winter Garden, are improved by frequent 
repetition and are well patronized. 

The holiituy-seasun was perhaps nut <piite as remunera- 
tive as the managers would have been pleased to have had 
it ; but taken altogether, the public Bhowed a good appre- 
ciation of what was offered. There has been no mani- 
festation of great enthusiasm, because there is nothing to 
excite such a demonstration. The public, after satifying 
its curiosity as to the novelties presented, subsided quietly 
and turned fondly to the well-known Minstrels, to be 
amused by them for the hundredth time. The spectacular 
drama, at the California, was gladly forgotten in the less 
expensive and more satisfactory performances at the beer- 
gardens, and thus Youth and My Son-in-Law are really 
the novelties which deseive to be called "attractions." 
The "All Star Company," at the Bush Street Theater, 
has no competition except in the variety performances 
which are not usually visited by the better class of 
theater-goers, and consequently did a good business. 
Considering the quality of the entertainments as a whole, 
it would be no compliment to the judgment of our public, 
had they all been grandly successful. Some have been 
fairly successful, some were failures in exact proportion to 
their merit, according to popular discrimination, and in- 
voluntarily the question occurs whether the managerial 
or the popular judgment is the preferable ? The manager 
has but one end in view—that of money ; the public de- 
sires only to be amused or entertained. On the one hand 
there is calculating cupidity, upon the other a generous 
desire for diversion. If the managerial efforts were 
directed to productions which are calculated to stimulate 
the popularity of the drama, produce a desire for healthy 
object-lessons told in the best language, and present the 
fine humor and grand wit of the English tongue ; if high 
comedy alter the old standard of excellence could be made 
palatable, and the poetry of dramatic diction attractive; 
if uniformly good stock -companies were to present such 
productions, instead of the quality of stuff which is set 
before us by the specialty-men and women, who show to 
advantage only by the weakness of their surroundings- 
then the judgment of the manager would be superior to 
that of the public, though it might be fatal in point of 
remuneration. 

Tania was the German performance on New Year's 
eve. At a village in Russia, remote from any large city, 
lives "Maria Petrowna," a widow, and her daughter 
" Tama." The girl is beautiful, proud and haughty, with 
ambition far beyond her station and means, which contrast 
strangely with those of her village neighbors. The Nami- 
rotfs, a n>ble family, who occupy a country-seat in the 
neighborhood, had taken a fancy to " Tania," and she had 
been petted and educated in their household. She was 
the playmate of the young Count " Alexander Namiroff," 
who entertains a strong affection for her. "Gregor,"a 
young peasant, has won "Tanias"' love. The young count 
importunes her with glittering proposals, the import of 
which is well understood by "Tania," who rejects his 
suit, and when the count becomes more and more urgent 
and impertinent they are surprised by " Gregor," who 
knocks him down. The lovers, filled with apprehension 
of the consequences, flee to the hermitage of a friendly 
priest, who marries them. In the meantime the count 
avails himself of the services of "Shindroff," chief of po- 
lice for that district, and "Gregor" is arrested directly 
after his wedding for his complicity in assisting 
the escape of a political criminal. The widowed bride is 
induced by the wily "Shindroff" to deny the fact of a 



BURR & FINK. 



marriage, under the threat that her divulging that circum- 
stance would cause her husband to be mercilessly perse- 
cuted. 

A year passes and the letters between the separated 
pair arc regularly intercepted by "Shindroff." A child 
is horn to "Tauia," and she is obliged to bear the 
shame of its illegitimacy. A council of the village 

patriarchs condemn her to banishment as an atonement, 

and just when driven to despair by the reproaches of her 
mother and by the taunts of the villager-s, she seek- her 
death by drowning; the young "Count Namiroff*' ap- 
pears, -(in) she, indifferent to death or any other fate, 
agrees to accompany him to St. Petersburg. There she 
becomes an accomplished actress and favorite singer. 
"Gregor," who has joined the army, advances to the 
rank of lieutenant, and failing to find his wife in her na- 
tive village, reaches the capital and chances to attend the 
theatre, where he instantly recognizes " Tania," and as 
she leaves the scene he presents himself, and heaps re- 
proaches upon her. He relents when she explains her 
sufferings the birth and loss of her child and the in- 
tolerable existence in the village, as well as the intercep- 
tion of their correspondence. He then wants only her as- 
surance that she has been true to him, which the unfor- 
tunate woman cannot give him. " Count Namiroff " ap- 
pearing upon the scene, a personal conflict is prevented 
by the intervention of the police, led by '* Shindroff." 
The scene shifts to the vicinity of Plevna during the 
Turco-Russian campaign. " Namiroff " commands a 
regiment; "Gregor" is a staff -orderly. "Tania" has 
joined the corps of nurses. 

"Gregor" and the Count meet previous to an engage- 
ment. The Count seeks "' Gregor 's " pardon ; the latter 
concedes their differences, since he knows that the Count 
is responsible for his reinstatement in the army, but re- 
fuses to forgive the private wrong inflicted upon him. At 
this moment the camp is alarmed by a sudden charge of 
Bashi-Bazouks, and "Tania" is brought upon the scene, 
mortally wounded by a stray shot. She dies in the arms of 
" Gregor." 

The representation of the above sensational story was a 
very creditable one, and the leading lady in the part of 
" Tania " showed a dramatic power of more than ordinary 
compass. The different phases of " Tania's " mind, from 
the wayward peasant-girl to the suffering woman of the 
world, were strongly and yet naturally outlined. The 
entire characterization showed the careful study of a 
highly gifted actreis. The play on Sunday evening, 
January Oth, will be Odette. 

The Madison Square Theater Company in Esmeralda 
will open at the Baldwin on the 22d of this month. Man- 
ager Frohman will arrive with the party. The cast in- 
cludes the following well-known artists : " Elbert 
Rogers," Leslie Allen ; " Lydia Ann," Mrs. Leslie Allen ; 
"Esmeralda," Miss Viola Allen; "Dave Hardy," E. 
Buckley ; " Esta Brook," Thomas Whiifen ; "Jack 
Desmond," F. Oak Rose ; *' Nora Desmond," Miss Sid- 
ney Cowell ; " Kate Desmond," Miss Clayton. 



No family should be without the celebrated White Rose 
Flour, made from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaum & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
streets, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. L, Cook & 
Co., corner Grove and Laguna streets, Reddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder & Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd & Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withrara, corner Davis and Clay streets. 

FINE WINES AND LIQUORS. 

Messrs. Wolters Brothers & Co., No. 221 California street, 
are favorably known as large importers and dealers in 
choice wines and liquors. Their importations are of su- 
perior quality, including Cook's Bourbon and Hosey Rye 
Whiskies. 



620 Market Street, 

Opp. Palace Hotel Entrance, 



A carpenter, advertising for employment in one 
of our morning papers, and buastiny peculiar skill 
in the construction of vats, casks, etc., goes on to 
say, "Address all communications to Wine Tank, 
this office." The name is suggestive. Does any 
one know whether Captain Kentzal has been 
learning carpentering and candor combined 1 



FINE LIVESTOCK. 

Mr. Collin 1'. Saxe, No. 218 California street, the well 
known and most reliable importer, breeder and exporter 
of choice live stock has a fine lot of Berkshire swine for 

sale. Mr. Saxe exports largely to the Sandwich Islands, 

Australia and South America, and solicits correspondence 
from all interested in breeding and stock raising. 



PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 

The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 1881 
59,182 barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in this city. (See Official Report, 
U. S. Internal Revenue, January, 1882.) The beer from 
this brewery has a Pacific Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 

*** "Wise men say nothing at dangerous times." Wise 
men use nothing in dangerous diseases but the most ap- 
proved remedies. Thus Kidney- Wort is employed uni- 
versally in cases of diseased liver, kidney and bowels. It 
will cost you but a trifle to try it, and the result will be 
most delightful. 

Ask for "Brook's" machine cotton. Experienced op- 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it. Glace 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. " Machine 
Cotton " printed on the cover of every box. For sale by 
all dealers. 

*The woman who seeks relief from pain by the free use 
of alcoholic stimulants and narcotic drugs, finds what she 
seeks only so far as sensibility is destroyed or temporarily 
suspended. No cure was ever wrought by such means 
and the longer they are employed the more hopeless the 
case becomes. Leave chloral, morphia and belladonna 
alone and use Mrs. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. 



/Tt:' Millions of packages of the Diamond Dyes have 
been sold without a single complaint. Everywhere they 
are the favorite Dyes. 

Nursing mothers gain strength by using Brown's Iron 
Bitters. It acts like a charm in restoring to health and 
strength overstrained nature. 



Paralytic strokes, heart disease, and kidney affections, 
prevented by the use of Brown's Iron Bitters. 

DENTISTRY. 

C. 0. Dean, D. D. S., 126 Kearny street, San Francisco. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

THE GERMAN SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
For the half year ending Deceniber 31st, 1882, the Board 
of Directors of The German Savings and Loan Society 
has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at the rate of 
four and thirty-two nne-hundredths (4 32-100) per cent, 
per annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of three 
and six-tenths (3 0-100) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Taxes, and payable on and after the 2d day of 
January, 1883. By order. 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 




GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, 

Is a certain cure for KRRVOUS DEBILITY, 

LOST M iNUOoD. and nil too evil etfects ot 
y. uthful fbllii'B and ex-ess^s. 

UK. ClVl'IK. who is a regular phyalslan, 
graduate ci'the University of PuT.rjdV'Vanla, 
mil :i-r-"e l» I'T.Vii i'i»0 liiin.lr.il Dollars for 
ttciieeoftneklndlhe VITAL UESTOHATIVE 
(uiiucr hia si"*diil iidviee nud treatine"*,) will 
uni euro. Priei:, S3 a bottlo; four times the 
mini hit. S10. Sent to any address, conpi- 
i'km-i.my. by A. [0. MINTIK. M. D,, No. II 
Kearny Street, S !■'. Send r.. r jmmphlct. 

SWII'M. IdTlliK HIKE will be sent to 
mn -I ■ Tuihiiiii by letter, staling svmptoms, 



Merchant Tailors. 



14 



THE WAS!? 



ASLEEP IN JESUS. 



The rimes of Bristol, Lincoln county, Nevada, 
has been gathered to its fathers. Its " last words " 
were, in part, as follows : 

With this issue we give up the ghost, pass in our 
checks and retire from the active control of the 
Bristol Times. The paper will follow suit — as it 
cannot trump— by shutting up its bazco a week 
hence. It may be for aye and it may be forever. 
But one week more and the sheet, which so often 
was the cause of its editor being thrashed, will be 
laid upon the shelf to await the coming of a brighter 
day. As we sadly prepare to go toes up, we realize 
that the exciting incidents which made our life so 
lively, will have passed, and tears of agony 
slowly course in rivulets down our furrowed 
cheeks. ***** 

Every dog has its day. The Times, therefore, 
goes to its planting cheerfully and good-humor- 
edly. It dies because it cannot live. The camp 
is far too full. 

Bury us deep under the fragrant sagebrush. Let 
the festive hog and rollicking chipmunk sing sweet 
llullabys to our departed memory. The many-hued 
izarcl will drop a sorrowing weep upon the lonely 
mound. Don't stay the pensive donkey from bray- 
ing a tender obituary notice over our dead 
corpse. Let the sympathizing coyotes gather about 
our grave. Let them yelp a mournful dirge over 
what was but is not. Ta-ta. 



The AbbePrevost, the famous author of "Manon 
Lescaut," was not rich, and like the authors of his 
time, resolved to be on the lookout for a rich 
patron. He accordingly addressed himself to the 
Prince of Conti, of whom he asked an appointment 
as chaplain. 

"As my chaplain !" exclaimed the Prince 
astonishment. "But, good heavens, sir, I ncv 
hear mass !"' 

"That is precisely why I asked for the appoint- 
ment," said the Abbe ; " I never say it !" 



Excursionists are the most ill-used and cruelly- 
treated of all the sons of men. Looked upon by 
the indigenous population as a natural prey, just 
as is the locust by the bushman, it is little won- 
der that they come to regard mankind in general 
as robbers and pirates, from whose extortions they 
can only escape by acting on the defensive or de- 
murring to all propositions emanating therefrom. 
And when such propositions are of a pecuniary na- 
ture the fervency with which they dispute or de- 
mur is only equalled by the vociferous protest of a 
can-haunted canine. Apropos of this, an English- 
man of the Dundreary type, who belonged to that 
class of Ishmaelites called tourists, went into the 
barber shop of a little rural town during the sum- 
mer season and cautiously inquired the price of a 
bath. Seeing a golden opportunity, the chin- 
scraping artist rashly said : " Six bits, sah," (just 
three times his ordinary charge) and in return was 
perplexed by the confiding manner and sleepy 
drawl of John Bull as he replied : " But, mon, I 
only want a barth. I don't want to buy your barth- 
house." 



N. W. Ayer & Son, of Philadelphia, have pub- 
lished the American Newspaper Annual for 1882. 
To editors, publishers and advertisers this is a most 
valuable work. Its main feature is a complete cat- 
alogue of all the newspapers in the United States 
and Canada, comprising the title of the journal, 
date of issue, character, date of establishment, size, 
number of pages, circulation (estimated, or from 
statements of publishers and therefiA'e not in all 
cases to be relied on) and rates for advertising", 
with plain directions how to obtain estimates. In 
addition there is a list of cities and towns having a 
population of live thousand and upward, and much 
other information, all so excellently tabulated and 
classified that it is easy to find the exact knowl- 
edge that the reader may require. The Annual 
is undergoing constant revision for each year's 
issue, and the publishers appear to have a ma- 
chinery for "getting at the facts'' which is as 
nearly perfect as is possible. This book should 
have a place in the office of every publisher and 
business man in the country. 



STRENGTH 

to vigorously push a business, 
strength to study a profession, 
strength to regulate a household, 
strength to do a day's labor with- 
out physical pain. All this repre- 
sents what is wanted, in the often 
heard expression, "Oh! I wish I 
had the strength!" If you are 
broken down, have not energy, or 
feel as if life was hardly worth liv- 
ing, you can be relieved and re- 
stored to robust health and strength 
by taking BROWN'S IRON BIT- 
TERS, which is a true tonic— a 
medicine universally recommended 
for all wasting diseases. 



501 N. Fremont St., Baltimore 
During the war I was in- 
jured in the stomach by a piece 
of a shell, and have suffered 
from it eversince. About four 
years ago it brought on paraly- 
sis, which kept me in bed six 
months, and the best doctors 
in the city said I could not 
live. I suffered fearfully from 
indigestion, and for over two 
years could not eat solid food 
and for a large portion of the 
time was unable to retain even 
liquid nourishment. I tried 
Brown's Iron Bitters and now 
after taking two bottles I am 
able to get up and go around 
and am rapidly improving. 
G. Decker. 



BROWN'S IRON BITTERS is 
a complete and sure remedy for 
Indigestion, Dyspepsia, Malaria, 
Weakness and all diseases requir- 
ing a true, reliable, non-alcoholic 
tonic. It enriches the blood, gives 
new life to the muscles and tone 
to the nerves. 



AMUSEMENTS. 



Grand Opera House. 

Chas. L. Andrews and L. K Stockwell Lessees. 

Crowded houses at every performance of the 
eclipsing success, 

■^r o tt t :e: 1 



1IAII\S;i: WEDNESDAYS AND SATURDAYS. 

POPULAR PRICES : 
15, 85, 50 anil 75 vents. 

flSTBox office now open. Single Heats sold in boxes. 



Bush Street Theater. 

M. 11. LEAVITT Lessee and Manager 

AL. 1IAYMAN Associate Manager 

Ever} Evening (including Sunday) at S o'clock. Wednesday and 
Saturday Matinees at 2 o'clock. 

GREAT StTCCESS ! GREAT SUCCESS ! 

LIMVITT'S ALL STAR SPECIALTY COMPANY. 

DUDLEY McADOW, Manager. 
The greatest Vaudeville Combination in America. 

«.i;mm1 Mat i live Saturday at 2. 

Monday, January S. -SQUATTER'S SOVKEIGNTY. 

With Kelly and Ryan, Ferguson and Mack, 

P.'ora Moore and entire company. 

ADMISSION, - - - 50c and $1 00 

Matinees— 25c. 50c. and 75c. 



Baldwin Theater. 

JAY RIAL H. F. WEED 

Saturday, ... January tith. 

FIRST NIGHT OF 

CAD, THE TOM BOY. 

Prices 25c. 50c. 75c $1 00. 

data Matinee Saturdays. Maitinee Prices, 
25c. 50c. 75. 

S3? Ni» extras whatevor. jgy 



Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and MaRon. 
Keeling Bros Proprietors and Manager* 

Grand success of 0. M. Von Weber's Spectacular 
Opera, 

O IB IE IR O ItNT I 

Produced in the form of a 

GORGEOUS HOLIDAY SPECTACLE. 

The handsomest Transformation Scene ever pro- 
duced in this city. A powerful Cast. 



THE DIAMOND PALACE. 

TN THE DEPATITMEKT OF DIAMOND? AS L> OTHFR, PRECIOUS STONES, THE DTAMOND 
1 PALACE holds the leading position 00 this continent. I or many months pa-tl have been pur- 
chasing largo quantities of Diamonds since which tunc \h". ihnrket price has advanced overnO per 
cent. Therefore I am prepared to offer mv magnificent collection of Stones, single and in matched 
pairs, at a slight advance over cost, I bought at. low prices, and intend to give my cus niners the 
benefit. Extraordinary bargains in Precious Stones of ail descriptions, set in njost chaste and lovely 
designs; al><> Quartz wot];, etc. Special inducements offered in AmTiean and European Watches of 
he latest and most oerfect movement. Gorham Sterling Silverware at SI -10 per onnep. (.nods sent 
to a 11 portions or t lie" Coast prr Wells, Fargo & Co.'s Express, C. O. D., and if not acceptable, can be 
gxchanged or money refunded. 

Wo. 221 MONTGOMERY STREET, 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL, 



A.ANDREWS, 



Winter Garden. 

Stockton street, between Post and Sutter. 
STAHL & MAACK Propiietors 

Unbounded success of the Romantic, Spectacular 
( Ipera, 

Voyage to trie Moon ! 

With its Grand and Beautiful Scenery, Startling 
and Elaborate Costumes and a Powerful Cast. 



German Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte Genee 



SUNDAY, - 



JANUARY 7th, 



I IE I MIS < A i: I. I. 11 I! Si It E I «' II 

In her great character of 

O ID IE T T IE . 

Sensational Society Play, in 4 acts, by 
Victories Sakdou. 

His Latest and Greatest Sncccss. 

Orders for reservered seats every day at Sherman & 
Clay's and at the California Theater. j 



THE WASP. 



15 



PACIFIC COAST STEAMSHIP CO. 

Steamers of this Company will sail from Broadway 
Wharf, Sun Francisco, for jtorte in California, Ore- 
gon, Washington anil Muho Torritoriea, Britlah 
i blambla and Alaska, as follows : 
California Southern Const Route*- The Steamers ORI- 
ZABA and ANCON mil over} five days at i) a. m. for San Luis 
Obispo, Santa Barbara, I,os Ahl'oIl^ ami S;iu I'iu-o, a.4 followB : 
ORIZABA. 10th, 20th and 80th of each month. ANCON, 6th, 
16th and Sfitb of each month. The steamer SENATOB s.vils ovary 
Wedtii-.-dnv at s \, m !,.,• s ; uit;i t'rn/, .M.uitiTuv , San Simeon, Cay- 

U' :■■-. i'-:v l"t i, S.liiM LUri.:ir.i :m<! Srui BiK-navelltUttt. 

llr.lKli Colombia and Alaska Koute.— Steamship CITY 
OF CHESTER, carrying t. s. Malls, Bails from Portland, QfegOD, 
on or about the 1st of each month, for Port Townsend, w. T., v!c- 
toria, ami NanoUno, B. C, Port wrangel, Sitka and Harrishurg-, 

Alaska, connecting at Port Townsend with Victoria and Puget 
Sound Steamer leaving San Frahcteco the 80th of each month. 

Victoria and I'n-ii m>iiihi Boute«— The Steamers IDAHO 
and DAKOTA, carrying Her Briftfinic Majesty's and United 
States mails, 8Ai) from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 2 P. If. 

cm the 10th. 20th, and 30th of each month, lor Victoria, B. C;', Port 

Townsend, Seattle, Taroma, Steilaeooni and Olynmia, making close 

connection with steamboats, etc., for Skagit River and Cassiar 
Mines, Nanaimo, New Westminster, Yale, Sitka and all other im- 1 
portant points. Returning, leave Seattle and Port Townsend at l 

P. M. on the l>th, 19th and 29th of each month, and Victoria (Esqiii- 
mault) at 11 A. u. on the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month. 
[Xolc — When Sunday falls on the 10th, 20th or 30th, steamers sail 
from San FmntiQCO one dav earlier, and from Sound ports and Vic- 
toria one day later than stated above.] The Steamer VICTORIA 
sails for New Westminster and Nanaimo ahout every two weeks, as 
per advertisements in the San Francisco Alta or Ghde. 

Portland, Oregon, Route!— The Oregon Railway and Navi- 
gation Company and the Pacific Coast Steamship Company dis- 
patch from Spear Street Wharf one of the steamships STATE OF 
CALIFORNIA, OREGON or COLUMBIA, carrying the United 
States Mail and WoIIb, Fargo .v Co. 'a Express, every fourth day at 
10 A. U. for Portland and Astoria, Oregon. 

Eureka and Miiiiilmldt Kay Route.— Steamer sails from 
San Francisco for Eureka, Areata, Hook ton (Ilumbolt Bay) every 
Wednesday at 9 A. it. 

Point Arena and Mendocino Itoute.— Steamer CON- 
STANTINE sails from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 3 p. m. 
every Monday for Point Arenas, Cuffey's Cove, Little River and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket Office. 214 Montgomery Street. 

(Opposite the Russ House) 

GOODALL, PERKINS & CO., General Agents 
No. 10 Market Street, San Francisco. 

Citizens 1 Ins. Co., St. Louis. - Assets, $450,000 
German Ins. Co., Pittsbnrg, - " 350,000 
Farragut Fire Ins. Co., N. V., - " 435,000 

Firemen's Ins. Co., Baltimore, - " 545,000 
Metropolitan Plate Glass Ins. 

Co., New York, - -- - " 141,000 

Office— 219 Sansome Ntreet, S. F. 

E. D. FARNSWORTH & SON 

THE SOUTH BRITISH AND NATIONAL. 
W. J. CALLINGHAM & CO., 

No. 213 SANSOME STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, OAL. 

BILLIARDS. 

P. LIESENFELD, Manufacturer. 

Established - ' ■ ■ - - ■ 1S5B 

SOLE AGENT FOR THE ONLY GENUINE 

Patent Steel Plate Cushion, 

Citarauleeil Tor Ten Years. 

THE MOST ELEGANT STOCK OF BILLIARD AND POOL 
TABLES ON THE PACIFIC COAST. 

9 45 Folsom Street, 

NEAR SIXTH. 

Prices 30 per ceul. Lower than any other House on 
the Coast. 

SSr SEND FOR A CATALOGUE. "SH 



Morris & Kennedy. 

1 9 and 2 1. Post Street. 

Artists' Materials and Frames 

FREE GALLERY. 



RUPTURE 

Relieved and cured without the injury trusses inflict, by 
Db. J. A. SHERMAN'S method. Office, 251 Broadway, 
New York. Book, with likenesses of bad cases befcre and 
after cured, mailed for 10 cents. 



A KEY/ -■. THAT ips 
WltLWiND -— ' ANYWA.TCH" . 



AND NOT WEAR OUT. 
Th686 KEYS are Bold 



by all WATCHMAKERS and JEWELERS on the PAOIFIO 
COAST. By Mail, 25 Ceot.8. 

BIRCH & CO 36 Dey street. New Tort. 

CARD COLLECTORS. A handsome set of cards for 3-cent 
stamp. A. G. BASSETT, Rochester, N. T. 



SOUTH PACIFIC^ COAST R. R. 

OnkhiiHl, Alameda, Xenark, mm .lose, Los GntOS* 
«. (in » i, lYItim and Santa Cruz. 

pun KKSQrF, SCENERY, MOUNTAIN VIEWS, BIG TREES; 
-t Santa Clara Valley, Monterey Bay. Forty miles shorter to 
SANTA CRUZ thim anv other route. No change of cars ; no dust. 
Equipment and road bed lirst-elasa. PASSENGER TRAINS leave 
Btation, foot of Market street, south sidk, at 

8.QA -*■ XI, '» daily. West San Lorunzo, West San Lcandro, Rus- 
,0X3 Bells, Mt. Eden, Alvarado, Hulls, Newark, Ccnterville, 
Mowrys, Alviso, Agnews, Santa Clam, SAN JOSE, Los Gatos, 
Alma, Wrights, Highland, Glenwood, Doughertys, Felton, BigTreea 
and SANTA CRUZ, arriving 12 M. 

2«Qfl P. M., Daily Express: Mt. Eden, Alvarado, Newark, Cen- 
■ UU fcerville, Ahi-i., Altucws, Santa Clara, SAX JOSEnnd Los 

Gatos. Through to SANTA CRUZ every Saturday. 

4, Oil ''■ M - (Sundays excepted), for SAN JOSEand iiitemiedi- 
.0X3 ftte stations. 
f)M Sundays, Sportsmen's Train, 4:30 A. M. Return train 
UN lL-a\'esSiLTi.l.iseatr»:l:"> 1'. M., arriving at San Francisco, 7:85. 
tf*j- EXCURSIONS To SANTA CRUZ AND $8.50 TO SAN 
(DO Jose on Saturdays and Sunday*, to return until Monday ill- 
elusive. 

TO OAKLAM> AND ALAMEDA. 

§6:30— 7:30— 8:30-9:30— 10:30— 11:30 A.M. «[12:3Q— 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30—4:30—5:30—0:30—7:30—10:00 and 11:30 P. SI. 

From Fourteenth and IVehster streets, Oakland— §5:57 
—§(1:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52-10:52— «|11:52 A. M. 12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—1:52—5:52—6:52—10:20 P. M. 

From High street, Alunu'tln-§5:45— §6:45— 7:45— 8:85— 9:35 
—10:35—U11:35 A. M. 12:35—1:35—2:35—3:35—4:35—5:35—6:35 
—10:05 P. M. 

§ Daily, Sundays excepted. *J Sundays only. 

Stations in Oakland, but two blocks from Broadway, connecting 
with all street car lines, for Piedmont, Temcseal, University, Cem- 
eteries, etc. Time as short as by any other route. Try it. 

TICKET, Telegraph and Transfer offices Ti'l Montgomery street, 

S. F. ; Twelfth and Webster, Oakland ; Park street, Alameda, 

A. H. FRACKEU, R. SI. GARRATT, 

Oct 21). Gcn'l Supt. G. F. & P. Agt. 

14,799 Sold in 1881. 




Millwood, Gleuwood, Hudson and Onr Choice. 



DON'T FAIL TO EXAMINE THE ELSIWOOD, GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON and OUR CHOICE before purchasing a Range, as 
they are the latest improved patterns and made from selected 
stock. The smoothest castings. The best bakers. Requires one- 
half the fuel consumed by ordinary Ranges. Three sizes of each 
Range; twelve different styles. Has Patent Elevated Shelf, auto- 
matic Oven Shelf, patent Check Draft, Broiler Door,, etc. For sale 
at same prices as common Ranges. Every one Warranted. Ask 
your dealer for them, 

W. S. RAY & CO., 12 Market Street. 



CALIFORNIA 

Safe Deposit 



Trust Company 

326 MONTGOMERY STREET, 
San I'raneiseo, C'nl. 

Directors: 
j. d. fry, • g. l. bradley, 

C. F. Mal-DERMOT, NICHOLAS LUNING, 

SAMUEL DAVIS, F. II. WOODS, 

LLOYD TEVIS, - CHARLES MAIN, 

HENRY WADSWORTH; , I. G. WICKERSHAM, 

' JAS. H. GOODMAN. 

J, B. FRY.... President 

C. It. THOMPSON (late of Union Trust Co. of New 

York) '. Treasurer 

MM. CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

DEPOSITS RECEIVED SUBJECT TO CHECK. IN- 
terest allowed on money deposited fur sixty days or longer. 

This Company will act as Agent of Corporations,. Estates, Firms 
and Individuals for the care of securities, Rt-al Estate ami Personal 
Property of all kinds, the collection of. interest and Rents, aiid 
will transact business generally as Trustee for : property and- in- 
terests intrusted to its care 

Will act as Transfer Agent or Registrar of Transfers of Stock 
and as Trustee under Trust Mortgages of Incorporated Companies. 

Will hold powers of attorney, and make eollectiens and remit- 
tances, purchase Drafts, Bullion, Foreign Money. Exchange, etc. 
Buy and sell securities, make investments and negotiate loans. 

Rent of safes in Safe Deposit vaults from S2 to ■ $20 per month, 
and from $12 to $20(> yer year. 



AGENTS 



cau now grasp a fortune. Out- 
lit worth $10 tree. Address E. O. 
KIDE0TJT & CO., 10 Barclay St., N.Y. 



TO THE UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr. Gibbon's Dispensary. 

60Q KEARNY STREET, BAN 
^C_> Franeisco-EstabllEhed 
In 1854 for the trebtment and cure of 
Special Diseases. Lost Manhood, De- 
l'Hity, ur diseases wearing on body 
and mind, permanently cured The 
sick and affiicted should not fall to 
callupon him. The Doctor has tra- 
veled extensively In Europe, and in. 
epectcd thoroughly the various hos- 
pitals there, obtaining a great deal of 
valuable information, which he Is 
^competent to impart to those in need 
-of his services. DR. GIBBON will 
_ _make uo charge unless he effects s 
cure. Persons at a distance may be CURED AT HUME. All 
communications strictly confidential. Charges resonable Call 
or write. Address DR. J. F. GIBBON, Box 1957, San Fran- 
cisco. Say you saw thiB advertisement in the WASP. 




'.863. Only Pebble Establishment. 1882 




MULLER'S OPTICAL DEPOT 

135 Montgomery t-t.. near Bush. 

Specialty for 32 years. Established, S. F., 1863. 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. 
The most complicated cases of defective visioD 
thoroughly diagnosed, free of charge. 

Compound Astigmatic Lenses Mounted 
to Order 

S*-AT TWO HOURS' NOTICE..^ 



Deutsche A |Hitlickc. 



MALDONADO PHARMACY, 
36 Geary Street, 

EDWARD NEUMANN, 

PHARMACIST ami CHEMIST. 



Farmncic Itnliaitu. 



OCEANIC STEAMSHIP COMPANY. 
J. D. SPRECKELS &. BRO'S, 

327 MARKET STREET, 

Owners of 

Spreckels' Line of Packets. 

Packages and Freight to Honolulu. 



DEALERS _IN FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 



c 





H 




Yy "OUR LITTLE BEAUTIES"- 



Round and Pressed 
CIGARETTES. " 



Pure, Mild, 
Fragrant and Sweet. 



. ALLEN & GINTBR, 

Manufacturers, Richmond, Va. 




ICOl/L fj H E JWj AILOR 



POPULAR PRICES 



LARGE STOCK! 



I 



POPULAR TAILOR! 



POPULAR STYLES ! 



CHOICE WOOLEN 

Samples with Instructions for Self-Measurement Sent Free. 



Men's and Boys' 

JB_ Ready-Made Clothing 



Men's Furnishing Goods 



And Fancy Neckwear. 
816 & 818 Market Street, San Francisco. 





Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Cream Tartar and Bi-Cait Soda 
NOTHING ELSE 

Newton Bros. Ho. 

SAN FRANCISCO 



SIBEEIAlsT ZB-A-LS-^DVH 

CURES Catarrh, Asthma, Croup, Coughs, Colds, Affec- 
tions of the Bronchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases of the Kidneys and Urinary Organs It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause 

l»EI-OT. 415 M<>.\T<;OMEKV ST1IEET. For sole by nil DruggMs. 



B, 



23" Ask For 

ILLOWS DEER 

Brewed by 0. FAUSS & Co. 
WILLOWS BREWEKY. 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 19th Sts. , San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR TO 

MASSEY & YUHG, 
No. 051 SACRAMENTO STKEET. 

First House below Kearny. San Francisco. 



JESSE MOORE 



WHISKEY 



QUALITY. 



AN 
Extraordinary Razor 

HAS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 
is so THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO RE- 
QURE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
glides over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
sharing quite a luxury. It is CREATING A 
GREAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
experts, who pronounce it PERFECTION. 
Two dollars in buffalo handle ; S3 in ivory. 
Every Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
reverse side the name of NATHAN JOSEPH, 
041 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
the United States where they are obtained. Trade 
supplied ; sent by mail 10c. extra or C. 0. D. 

The Queen's Own Company having en- 
larged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
IVORY CARVING KNIVES, TABLE and POCKET 
KNIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
the same quality as their marvelously wonderful 
RAZOR. 

DAWICHEFTp 
Kid Gloves - 1 - 

ALWAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

Factory, 119 Dupont Street, 

Bet. Geary and Post San Francisco 




JESSE MOORE & Co 
Louisville, Ky. 

II. IE. Hunt, 

San Francisco. 



Prentiss Selby, Sup't. 



H. B.~ Underbill, Jr., See'y. 



Selbv Smelting; and Lead Co. 

MANUFACTURERS OF 

Lead Pipe, s leet Lead, Shot, Bar Lead, Fig Lead, Solder, Antf- Friction Metal, Lead 
Sash Weights, Lead Traps, Block Tin, ripe. Blue Stone, Etc. 

Office, 416 Montgomery Street, - San Francisco- 

Refiners of Gold and Silver Bars and Lead Bullion. Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR THE'Sai 



Cuarlbs W. Freeman Vincent A. Torras 

TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co.- 
BOOK AND JOB 

Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, 

Below Sansome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, French, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



WHITE HOSE ELOTJIR, 
MANUFACTURED l:V THE 
Celebrated Hungarian Process. 



5ST Sec loenl notice in another column, 



H3-QIJP KENTUCKY WHISKEY.-ai 



IMIVEOIVID'S 



Ml) lit' 



NABOB 




the best 

In the World. 

ask your. 

Druggist or Grocer for it. 



«®"DEPOT, 429 AND 431 BATTERY STREET. SAN FRANCISCO. "» 



OCEANIC STEAMSHIP CO. 

J. ». SPRECLELS Si BRO'S, 
S*J IHarket Street. 

OWNKRS OP 

Spreckels* Line of Packets. 

1'achagcs and Freight to Honolulu, 



DR. THOMAS HALL'S 




Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful Appetizer, giving tone and 
strength to the stomach,, and as a tonic bev- 
erage it has no equal; -will cure Dyspepsia 
or Indigestion, Fever and Ague. Biliousness 
General Debility and kindred diseases. 

This tonic is most beneficial in its resulte; 
it braces the system, creates an appetite, and 
destroys that -wretched feeling of enuni 
which we constantly labor under in this 
enervating climate. The tonic for its medi- 
cal qualities excels any other ever offered 
to the public, having taken the first 
premium at the fairs of Sacramento, 
Han Jose, Stockton, Oakland and San 
Francisco for absolute purity, made from 
pure California Port Wine, Wine of Pepsin 
and Elixir Calisaya. ^*For. sale every- 
where throughout the State. Depot at 
JAMES H. GATES' Drug store, corner New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Fran- 
cisco. 




DRINK FALK'S MILWAUKEE BEER. 



o 

o 



o 



l^HARDWOOD LUMBER 



„ John "Wigmor e, 

129 to 1« SPEAK STKEET, SAN I UAVtIStO. 



DOANE & HENSHELWOOD-Popular Dry Goods House-132 Kearny Strutter. 



H. R. "Williar.Jr. 



A. Carlisle. 






A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Stationes, 

226 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Francisco 

H. HOESCH, 

Res tauran t, 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street, 

Bet. Montgomery aud Kearny, San Francisco 



THE NEVADA BANK 

OF SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital Paid Up - - $3,000,000 
Reserve U. S. Bonds - - 4,500,000 

Agency at New York 62 Wall street 

Agency at Virginia, Nevada, 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers, 
Issues Commercial and Travelers' Credits. 
This Bank has special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 




Throat, 



Catarrh, 



ARTISTIC PRINTING. 

Every Variety of Plain and Ornamental 

:p:R,i:r>rT:E zero- 

Executed with Neatness and Dispatch at Lowest 

Rates. Orders by Hail receive prompt 

attention. 

E. C. HUGHES, 

511 Sansome Street, 

Corner Merchant. SAN FRANCISCO. 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 

P. 0. Box, 1886. 
Address: 




Lungs, 



Fevers. 



For Cougls, Colds, 
Whoopirig Coughs and 
all Throat affections 
it has no equal. 



VALENTINE HASSHER, 933 Washington St:, cor. Powell, S. F. 




PianoS 



Ohickering & Sons.Eoston ; Bluthner.Leipzig. 
P. L. Neumann, Hamburg; G. Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS TO RENT. 

B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrell St 

NEAR, MARKET, SAN FRANCISCO. 



C RAIG & KREMPLE 

SUCCESSORS TO 

Craig and Son, 

UNDERTAKERS [ 

And EMBA1MEK 
22 & 26 MINT A VENUNE. 

The finest Reception Rooms in the Sta e. 
All orders promptly attended to. 



THOMAS DAY & CO., 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, -conces, Candlesticks and 

Bouillottts. 

RARE BRONZES, BISQUE and FAIENCE WARE 

IN GREAT VARIETY. 



FIRE. MARINE. 

The Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 



OF CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250 .000 

HOME OFFICE: 

S. W. Cor. California and Saiisome Sts. 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
D. J. Staples, President. 

Alpheus Bull, Vice-President 
Wir. J. Dutton, Secretary. 

E. W. Carpenter. Assistant Secretary 



0. I. HUTCHIDSON. H. B. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. Califo rnia a nd Sansome Sts 

CASH ASSETS REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W. L. Chalmers, Z. P. Clark. Special Agents and 
Adjusters. Oapt. A. M. Burns, Marine Surveyor. 




FIRE and ,i ^S3^' MARINE. 

415 CALIFORNIA ST., SAX FRANCISCO. 
Capital, ; ; ; $300,000 00. 

OFFICEES-C. L. Taylor, President; J. N. Knowles 
Yice-Pres.; Ed. E. Potter, Sec'v and Treasurer. Di, 
rectors— I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gustave Nie- 
Daum, J. B. Stetson, J. J. McKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Dingley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



PACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO., 

Of London,- 
imi CALIFORNIA. STREET, S. F. 



Rollin P. Saxe, 

218 CALIFORNIA STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, CAL 
Importer, Breeder, Exporter and Commission Merchant in all kinds of 

Live Stock. 




Berkshire Swine a specialty, 



Correspondence solicited. 



*"%•%. . f»«^« ^v ^ 



'A 



VOL. X. 



SAN FRANCISCO, JAN. 13, 1883 



No. 337. 



I 



For 

Breakfast 

AND 

Lunch 
Go to the 
New England 
KITCHEN. 

California St. 



rHE CELEBRATED 

HAMPACNE WINES 

Messrs. Dki'tz « Ueldkrjiann At, en Champagne. 



CACHET BL.i\C- Extra Dry, 

In cases quarts and pints. 

CABINET GREE\ SEAL, 

In baskets, quarts and pints. 

• ItlM VI \ RED AND WHITE WINES, 

In cases from Messrs. A. de Luze & Fils. 

HOCK WINES, 

[n cases from G. M. Pabstmann Sohn, Mainz. 

arles Meinecke & Co. 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
314 SACRAMENTO STREET. 



"Give |y m a literal etetton," 



Oliampagne. 

Regular Invoices received direct from Mr. Loots Roederer, Reims, over his signature and 
Consular Invoice. Before purchasing, see that each case and bottle bears our name. 

MACONDRAY & CO , Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



donald McMillan, 

M -.o i ■ ! it. ■- \ r r and Dealer in 

SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERS, 

ESSENCES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 

714 Front Street, 

{Near Broadway)- SAN FRANCISCO. 



"White House" Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT HOLLAND <.l\. 

FRENCH BRANDIES, 

PORT, SHERRY, Etc. 
In bond or fluty paid. 
GEORGE STEVENS, 
318 Front Street, Room 2, Sun Francisco 




CHAMBERLAIN & BOBINSON 

PE0PBTET0ES. 



(IACIFIC 
f BUSINESS 
A QLLEGE 
Uggo 



Post 

Street ( 



S.F, 



e-SEND FOR CIRCULARS | 



I Leopold Bro's 
LOEIST 

35 POST STREET, below Kearny. 
BouquetB, Baskets. WreatheB.CrnBee! 



S 



O 




s 

MOiNT'Y 

Street. 



hotographer. 



iEN M C GAHY & CO, 

WHOLESALE 

)UOR MERCHANTS, 

§22 and 824 FRONT STREET, 
FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



COFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

13 nnd 12 2 Front Street, 



: 



mento, Stockton and Los Angeles 



For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOR SALE BY ALL DRFtiGISTS. 



James Sue a, A. Bocqceraz. R McKee. 

SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers^nd Jobbers of Fine 


E 


. MARTI N & Co., 

Importers and Wholesale Liquor Dealers. 
" HILTON J. HARDY," 


WINES AND LIQUORS, 
Corner Front suid Jaekson Streets, 




and '* MILLER'S EXTRA" 

Olii Bourbon Whiskies. 


SAN FRANCISCO. 


408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



S G "FT -p i ~r r-p 57 3 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOECHTING, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS & HAEEISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
Ji. W. Corner SANSOME and SACRAMENTO Streets, San Francisco. 



iper Heidsieck 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

214 California St., San Francisco, Cal. 



P 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior !" 

c. z 1 isr :sr s , 

FASHIONABLE TAILOR, 

No. 5 Montgomery Street IMnsonic Temple), 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



COLTON 



DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gas specialists for extracting teeth without pain.) 
HAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Building, 

ROOMS 6, S and 10, 

Entrance, SOO Market street. 

Dr. CH AS W. DECKER, Dentist. 



EDWARD E. OSBORJM, 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(American and Foreign,) 
320 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Correspondents in Washington, London, Victoria, 
Australia, Montreal, Berlin, Honolulu, Mexico. 



A 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonic ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY & CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. F., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



lIANOfl Hazelton Br °s 

First Class, I «halleti&cumston, 
Medium Price, A 



FULL VALUE 

FOR TOUR MONLY 






A.JM. BENHAM, 

CHAS. S. EATON. 

647 g Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 




FINE OLD TABLE WINES. 



Photographs 
House-v^orth/s 

The Highest Stnndard of Exeellenee, 
12 MONTGOMERY STREET. 




Sole Agents for 0. Conrad & Go's 

C fBUDWEISER BEER; ) 

WHOLESALE DEALERS IK 




321 MONTGOMERY STREET, San Francisco, Cal. 

Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 




4S - Received awards of CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY; also, 
II ecu AMI'S' ivs s ITI 1 1:. for the Rest Work- 
manship. 



1 



MEDSSDORFFER'S HATS ARE ''THE" STYLES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



BUT IUUH SHIIHS AHU UHUtHWUIH Uh UAHHIftWI. 2b KMBNT STREET. 



L. & E. EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manufacturers, Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture ana Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon, 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, ban Ftrancisio. 
Fresh Bread delivered every day and cakes 
made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN OAV- 
IAK and WESTPHALIA HAMS- German 
Sausages. A. RElSt'HE. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

I>1!\ HOXOPOLE (extra), 

I.. ROEUERER (sweet and dry), 
MOET A CHANDOX, 
VEUVE CLICQUOT. 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYE "WORKS. 

(Jons F. Snow & Co.) 
IS" Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

633 Market Street, Palace Hotel. 
No Branch Office in San Francisco. 
Ladles' & Gents' Suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dyed without shrinking. 
«'ll AS. J. HOLMES, Prop. 




HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWERY WEST OF ST. LOUIS. 

JOHN WIELAND, - - Proprietor 



H 



olters Brothers 6tUo 

Importers and Dealers in 

Wines and Liquors 



9<>i falifrvr^Tq Pt~o-+. Ppt, TV 



Francisco Daneri. Henry Casanova 

F . DANERI & Co., 

Dealers in 
WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

27 and 29 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drumm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 




WILLIAM F. SMITH M. D., 

(Oculist.) 

formerly at no. 313 bush street, has 
removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 m. to 3 p. m. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

No«. 114 and ins market street, 
Nos. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. MACDONALD, President. 

Enterprise Mill& Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Doors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

217 to 225 Spear St., 218 to 226 smart St. 
San Francisco, Cal.. 



CAN TRANCISCOOTOCK DREWERY, 

Capital Stock 
$200,000. 



ODR LAGER BEER BREW. 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATE. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 

Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
the Pacific Coast. 



^J^CuwKd^RCDOI.PH MOHR, Secretary. 



+ 



Cliaiape 



DRY AND EXTRA DRY 



PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION + 
IN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES. 



THE ONLY PRODUCERS 
OF NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 




joA ^o\m\^ t (jo! 



530 WASHINGTON ST S.F. CAL. 

syNone Genuine unless bearing: our name on jLnbel and Cork_^8 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THB 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant 

THE HANDSOMEST DINING-ROOM 

In the World. 
Win. F. HARRISON, Manager. 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NUKAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 



WlLLIAitd, DIJ..CND & CO 

SHIPPING and 

COMiVIISSIQN MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNCTION MARKET AND PINE STREETS 

SAN FRA(VOI5CO. 

AGFNTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. 8. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam NhYigati'.n Co.; the Cu- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Cn. : the Hawaiian Line, 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited); 
the Mnrtne Insurance Co. of London; the Bald 
win Locomotive Works ; the Glasgow Iron Co. 
Nir-fc Ashtnn & Son'ftP:itt. 




jf_626^ONTG0MERYJT. & ..Sf.COR, SUTTER & DUEOtiT.SIS-,.. 






Water Proof Leather Belting. 

13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 

A. FINKE'S WIDOW 




d 

r— I 

PQ 




■P 

u 
eg 

o 




CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 



OH A 
Pure, d 



M P A G N 



delicious and healthful. \^ m 
809 MONTGOMERY St., San Franeiseo. 



H 



N. COOK, 

Manufacturer of 



The Only 

LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed ou the Pacific 
Coast. 

Office: 

■Uh; Sacramento Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTING & HOSE. 

405 MARKET STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

know manning's 

Oyster Grotto. 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MORROW & CO., 

Ilay, Grain ami Commission Mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS., S. P 

Bonestell, Allen & Co., 

IMPORTERS OF 

IE? _A_ IE? IE ~El 

OF ALL KINDS. 

413 and 415 Sansome St. 



CALIFORNIA 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Hennery, FJghtn and Brannan streets. 

OLAXJS BFBEOKELS President 

J. D. SPBE0KEL8 Vice-Preldent 

A.B. 8PKE0KELS Secretary 

THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. ADOLPHE i.(MV, Prcsidedt 
Office— 208 California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 



-^STANDARD LEATHER BELTING. A - 



O. COOK & SON, 

415 MARKET STREET; S. i; 



^OL. 10, 



y? 3 3 7. 




-, b i , i 

■?r 




DUNCAN AS HE SHOULD BE. 



DUNCAN AS HE IS. 



THE WASP 



THE BILLS. 



Poe-try Adapted to the Xmas Season. 



' I. 



Hear the creditors with bills, — 
Hateful bills ! 
What a world of restlessness their coming here instils ! 
How they tinkle, tinkle tinkle, 

At the bell from morn to night, 
While the servants' eyes do twinkle, 
And by many a merry winkle 
I can see that with delight 
They keep time, time, time, 
With a sort of laughing rhyme, 
To thetintinabulation that so mercilessly trills 
From the voices and the ringing of the bringers of the 
bills — 
Of the bills, bills, bills, bills, 
Bills, bills, bills,— 
From the voices of the duns who bring the bills. 

II. 
See the tailors' lengthy bills, — 
Heavy bills ! 
What a world of weariness the sight of them instils ! 
Through the dreary, dreary night, 
How they chill me with affright ! 
Had I cash in gold or notes, 

What a boon ! 
Then I'd get fresh vests and coats 
And appear where all the finest fashion floats 

Late and soon ! 
Then, Snips, withdraw your bills, 
And the gush of gratitude that now my bosom fills. 
Let it pay 
For to-day ; 
And the future and its ills, 
. I may meet with sweeter thrills, 
And get rid of this vile ringing, 
And this very vexing bringing 
Of the bills, bills, bills, — 
Of the bills, bills, bills, bills, 
Bills, bills, bills, 
Of this ringing and this bringing of the bills. 
Ill 
Hear again the angry bell, — 
Beastly bell ! 
What a tale of terror doth its turbulency tell ! 
It makes my cheeks turn white, 
As full well, indeed, it might : 
For I hear shrill voices speak 
And they vow they'll vengeance wreak 
On my head ! 
In their clamorous appealing to the servant at the door, 
In their mad expostulation with the minion at the door, 
They shout higher, higher, higher, 
With a desperate desire, 
And a resolute endeavor 
To see me now or never. 

Let me rest again in bed. 
Oh these bills, bills, bills, 
How they bring me dreadful chills 

Of despair ! 
See ! they gather more and more, 
Till the dinning at the door. 
Really gives me quite a palpitating air. 

Yet my heart, my heart doth know, 
That their clanging 
And their banging 
Will not yield them'one poor sou ; 
For my purse distinctly tells 
That within it 
This sad minute 
Barren bankruptcy now dwells ! 
For they've snatched my final dollar, have the bringers 
of the bills, — 

Of the bills,— 
Of the bills, bills, bills, bills, 
Bills, bills, bills,— 
For they've taken every stiver have these wretches with 
the bills. 

IV. 
O, these agonizing bills, — 
Cursed bills ! 
What a world of bitterness is bred from such-like ills ! 
How I hate the very sight 
Of the messengers of spite, 
Who strike terror with the menace of their tone ! 
I'd like to take their notes 
And thrust them down the'r throats 



Till they groan. 
And the grocer — ah, the grocer — 
How I'd like to meet that foe, sir, 

All alone ! 
How I'd roll him, roll him, roll him, 

Till he ached in every bone, 
And with hands in hair I'd "poll " him, 

And then leave him like a stone. 
For no living man 01 woman 
Has so often vowed to summon 

Me to court ; 
And he charges nought but " goods," 
Always, goods, goods, goods, 

Without naming any sort. 
Oh, with rage my bosom fills 
At his greasy, yellow bills, 
For on them he butter spills 
Every tine, time, time ; 
Yes, he daubs with dirt and grime 
All his wretched, blotchy, bills,— 

Dirty bills ! 
But if time, time, time, 
Will but one day let me climb 
Out of reach of these vile bills — 
Hated bills, bills, bills, 
Out of reach of all my bills,— 
I will rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, 
And no dime, dime, dime, 
Shall he get for all his bills, — 

For his bills, bills, bills- 
He shall gain nought by his bills, 
By his bills, bills, bills," bills, 
Bills, bills, bills — 
And I'll laugh while he is groaning and is moaning o'er 

his bills ! 
San Francisco, January, 2, 1SS3. 



FLOTSAM. 



A Tale of the Prodigious Dampness of 1852. 



I presume most of my readers retain a tolerably 
wholesome recollection of the annoyances they 
suffered at Jackass Flat in 1852. They remember 
how bad the walking was, with eighteen or twenty 
feet of running water on the sidewalks ; and how 
cold the water was. They cannot have wholly for- 
gotten the vexation caused by their houses thump- 
ing against one another, lodging in the tops of 
trees, and turning round so as to let the sun in on 
the carpets. Those of them who lived in adobe- 
cottages, it is true, escaped these latter evils by 
their habitations simply melting away and seeking 
the sea by natural outlets. Still, there was a good 
deal of discomfort for all. 

One of the greatest annoyances in those days was 
the unusual number of dead bodies cruising about 
—privateers, steeriug hither and thither without 
any definite destination, but aiming at making 
themselves generally disagreeable. There were 
always some of the fellows sailing about in this 
desultory way ; and they were reponsible, one way 
and another, for considerable profanity. I knew 
quiet, peaceable citizens to get as angry as ever 
they could be when some waif of this kind would 
lodge against their dining-room doors while the 
family were at supper ; and sometimes when you 
wquld throw up your second-story window to go 
out for an evening "at the office," one would come 
rocking gently in amongst the children, and anchor 
on the hearth-rug. And the worst of it was that 
if you did not feel hospitable, you might have to 
swim a mile or two to get the coroner to deputize 
you to hold an inquest and eject the intruder. 
Otherwise, you were liable to shooting for removing 
a stranded body without authority. And if the 
coroner could not write (there were, I think, four 
coroners during the time the water was laid on, 
and some could never be taught to hold the pen 
right end up) you must take along a witness ; or 
that official might " go back on his word/ : and you 
would be at the trouble of killing him. All these 
things made Jackass Flat practically untenable ; 
but there was only one direction in which it was 
possible to leave ; and that route led through sev- 
eral rivers, Suisun, San Pablo, and San Francisco 
bays, and so on out into the Pacific. 

It was a wild black night in Bummer street. The 
wind fairly howled ! The rain scourged the roofs, 
twisting in wet sheets about the chimneys, and 
pulling them down, as the velvet train of a lady 
clings to the ankle of the unwary dancer, and up- 
sets him in a minute. There was more water in 
Bummer street than you would have thought from 



merely looking at the surface ; because, as a rule, 
you can't see very far into water every cubic mile- 
of which holds in solution a small range of moun- 
tains and two or three mining towns. The board- 
ing house of Mrs. Hashagen presented, however 
you might look at it, a very dejected aspect. There 
was one tallow-candle burning dimly at an open 
upper window ; and beside it sat, in anxious ex- 
pectancy, the landlady's old mother-in-law, plying 
the busy needle. Her son, the man of the house, 
who was "having a little game with the boys" 
behind a dormer-window at Clawhammer Jake's, 
had promised to return at ten o'clock if he had 
"any kind o' luck "—-which meant any kind ex- 
cepting bad or indifferent luck — and it was|now 
eleven. There was no knowing, either, how'soon 
it might be necessary to take to the boats. Pre- 
sently something bumped against the side of th& 
house, there was a murmur of subdued swearing 
outside, a scow was pushed up to the window ledge, 
and Mr. Hashagen stepped into the room. 

" How's business, Joseph f was the laconic wel- 
come from the aged mother. 

" Disgustin' !'' was the unamiahle reply of her 
son, as he chained his barge to the shutter. ''Never 
held such denied hands in my life. Beat the game, 
though. Ten or twenty dollars, I should say. But 
'tain't no use fer me to keep up that lick. Fate's 
dead agin me — that's how I put it up." 

"Quite true, Joseph," replied the old lady, 
mildly ; "we done better'n that to home." 

"Did, hay?" 

There was a long silence, broken only by the 
pounding and chafing of Mr. Hashagen's galley 
against the side of the house. The wind had died 
away, or moaned only at long intervals, like the 
warning wail of the Banshee. Some solemn and 
mysterious spell seemed to brood, upon that house- 
hold ; a vague but ghostly presentiment was at 
the heart of Mr. Hashagen — a subtle sense of help- 
lessness and dread in the presence of some over- 
shadowing Presence. He rose and looked out upon 
the moving waters. 

■'Mary Ann's got a customer, Joseph," said the 
old lady, with an air of forced cheerfulness, as if 
to dispel the gathering gloom by idle talk. 

" What is he ?" inquired her son, mechanically, 
not even withdrawing his eyes from the window — 
" roomer or mealer V 

" Only a bedder at present, Joseph." 

"Pay in advance?" 

" No, Joseph." 

"Any traps ?" 

''Not even a carpet-bag." 

" Know him V 

" We never none of us ever seen him afore. " 

There was another pause. The conversation had 
recalled Mr. Hashagen's faculties to the cares of 
the lodging-house business, and he was turning 
something over in his mind, but did not seem to 
get it right side up. Presently he spoke : 

"Hang me ef I savvy ! He didn't pungle, he 
ain't got no kit ; and nobody don't know him ! 
Now it's my opinion he's a dead beat — that's how 
I put him up ! He lays out to get away with us — 
to play roots on the shebang. But I'll get the 
drop on him; I'll ring in a cold deck on him, or 
I'm a Chinaman ; you just dot that down — that's 
me ! " 

But all this time there was a chill fear creeping 
about Joseph's heart. He talked very bravely, but 
he felt, somehow, that it didn't help him. He 
didn't exactly connect this feeling with his myste- 
rious lodger ; but he thought he would rather have 
taken in some person he knew. The old lady 
made no further attempt to put him at his ease, 
but sat placidly sewing, with a face as impassive as 
that of the Sphinx. 

"I say, mother, has he turned in ?" 

* ( Yes, Joseph, I belive he retired some hours 
ago." 

" Then bust my crust ef I don't go for his 
duds ! " 

And seizing the candle this provident landlord 
strode into the hall, marched resolutely to the 
proper door, laid hold of the knob, and then, as he 
afterward described it, " you could have knocked 
him down with a one-dollar bill. However,, he 
pushed open the door and entered. 

And there, stretched out upon a bed and de- 
cently sheeted from sight, lay the motionless form 
of Mary Ann's lodger. Mr. Hashagen resolutely 
advanced and drawing off the covering exposed the 
whole figure, which was about ten inches long, and 
rosy as a summer sunset. The new bedder was as- 
much as three hours of age and quite hearty.. 



THE WASP. 



THE CHRISTMAS WASP. 



The demand for the Christmas Wasp so far ex- 
ceeded our expectations that although a second 
and a third edition were printed, many orders 
have remained unfilled because their aggregate 
number was not great enough to justify the ex- 
pense of a fourth. The order contained in the 
following telegram, however, is su large that we 
decided to till it. 

Portland, "/*., Jan. S, 1883. 

&CB08BS. E,C. MaccarlaneA Co. DearSirs: Ihave 
juat received your Christmas number, and have to thank 
you for the elegant illustrations of views along our road. 
I would like to have ten thousand [10,000] extra copies < f 
the paper for distribution, and will pay the additional ex- 
pense of publication. Please telegraph answei, with 
memorandum <•( cost, etc. Yours truly, 

John Muk. 
Supt. of Traffic, Northern Pacific and Oregon Railroad Co. 

In filling this order we shall accommodate also 
the dealers whom we have hitherto been unable to 
supply, and such other persons as have favored us 
with orders since our third edition was exhausted, 
besides printing a number of additional copies suf- 
ficiently large to meet all probable demands in the 
future. Aside from other considerations, Mr. 
Muir's order is particularly agreeable as testimony 
to the exctdlence of illustrations which were made 
with no expectation of such substantial recognition 
by the great corporation which he represents. Per- 
sons who advertised in the Christmas Wasp will 
also, we trust, appreciate the advantage to them- 
selves of Mr. Muir's action. The merchants of 
San Francisco who are competing for trade along 
the great Northland route can hardly fail to be 
profited by the distribution of their announce- 
ments in the wide field which they hope to conquer. 



LITERARY NOTES. 



What bind of "talent" it is that stoops to 
friendly criticism " may be inferred from the fol- 
lowing extract from the " book notices " of a well- 
known weekly newspaper, whose name we merci- 
fully suppress : 

It is with pleasure we hail the reappearance of the old 
On rland Montldy. Why its name was ever dropped has 
always been a puzzle to us, associated as it is with Borne 
uf the brightest names which have adorned the literature 
of California. The prose matter is excellent, and some of 
the verse far above the average merit of local productions. 
The continued story, "Thaloe," by Bishop Kip, has a 
great deal in it that reminds us of some of classic novels 
oE Bulwer Lytton, and shows that the writer is thoroughly 
at home with ancient lure. 

What the miscjiief the writer of this choice bit of 
criticism means by regretting that the name of a 
magazine was " dropped " when the magazine itself 
died is beyond conjecture. The circumstance of its 
being long afterward picked up by another mag- 
azine with another name does not appear to throw 
much light upon the matter. As to the rest, one 
hardly knows which the more to admire, the lite- 
rary susceptibility which is stirred by the story 

Thaloe to memories of Bulwer, or the accurate 
knowledge which ascribes that story to Bishop 

College Verses is the modest title of a little vol- 
ume from the press of the California Publishing 
Company containing some half -a- hundred efforts at 
poetry-making by the students of the State Univer- 
sity. It begins with a number of "sonnets" that 
are not sonnets and ends with a number of " lyrics " 
that are destitute of any lyrical qualities. In the 
preface we are told that the selections were made 
by a member of the senior class and "several per- 
sons of authority in and out of the college, who 
have also revised and approved the whole selec- 
tion. The member of the senior class may be for- 
given on account of his youth if he will promise- 
like the banker's clerk whose wife had a child— not 
to let it occur again; but we are clearly of the 
opinion that the "persons of authority" should 
be compelled to read the whole work to the bitter 
end. The Shmn family is perhaps over-represented. 
Indeed, the book has as many Shinns as a centi- 



I 



pede. of course it is no! worth while to be 
"severe" on juvenile performances like these, 
when they are •'coldly furnished forth" with a 
tacit confession of their faults. At the same time 
u b in iv venture to remind the " persons of author- 
ity " that the hard conditions under which literary 
work is produced and the frank confession of its 
faults are not mitigating circumstances and a re- 
commendation to critical mercy, respectively. On 
the contrary they constitute an aggrivation of the 
offense, for they are just so many reasons why the 
writing should not have been done and the book 
published. The reader and the critic have nothing 
whatever to do with the youth of a writer or the 
motive of a publisher. The knowledge of such 
matters is unprofitable, their consideration im- 
pertinent. Perhaps the best plea that can be 
urged by the " persons of authority " in defense 
of this book is that of the unmarried housemaid 
who, about to be discharged for the crime of ma- 
ternity, pointed to her babe and protested, "It is 
such a very little one, ma'am." 

The Century and St. Nicholas for January have 
been awaiting notice for some time. Both, as re- 
gards their letter-press, are excellent in their dif- 
ferent ways, but we begin to tire of the smooth- 
ness, prettiness and delicacy of their wood engrav- 
ing. Without any disposition to underrate the 
substantial superiority of the wood engraving of to- 
day over that of ten years ago, we protest that the 
"revival " has gone about as far as it can afford to 
go on the lines laid down for it, and there is great 
danger that the strength and spirit of the art will 
be refined away unless a halt is called soon. 

The Illustrated Annual of the Stockton Evening 
Mail is a very pretty and attractive book, full of 
excellent wood engravings and interesting reading. 
It was obviously got up in ^he East — all excepting 
the advertisements- -and we are in terror lest it 
come to us from a dozen country newspapers as 
their illustrated annual, with no other difference 
than the title — and the advertisements. In that 
case we shall feel compelled to pain our good friend 
the Mail by withdrawing our praise and pronounc- 
ing the book exceedingly ugly and dull. 

M1TT1E, 

It was a dreary November night. A drizzling 
rain was falling and turning to sleet as quickly as 
it touched the ground. The air, even in-doors, 
was damp and chilly, and the roaring fire seemed 
to have little effect in battling with the clammy 
atmosphere. The moaning wind would occasion- 
ally change to a wild shriek and then again lower 
to a sigh, rattling every loose board and splinter, 
and now and then send a cloud of smoke back 
down the chimney asagentle reminder that a severe 
winter storm was getting well under way. Inside 
an imposing mansion on such a night as this sat 
two persons, Mr. and Mrs. Arnold. The former, 
a stout, middle-aged man, was seated in a great 
arm chair with his head bowed down, his chin rest- 
ing on his hands and his eyes half closed. He was 
well dressed, and this and the rich furniture and 
cozy arrangements of the room indicated that the 
owner was a man of wealth, and being also the 
husband of a handsome young wife, one would 
naturally suppose Mr. Amos Arnold was a happy 
man. But not so. Some unseen grief, some hid- 
den sorrow had gnawed at his heart-strings until 
the strong man had almost succumbed. Beside 
him sat his wife, a fair creature with a pale, sad 
face and sunken eyes that looked unusually sad and 
weary. She, too, had evidently seen something of 
the dark side of life and, possibly, more than her 
share for one so young. She sat with her hands 
lying listlessly in her lap, and rocking herself back- 
ward and forward, and staring at the roaring fire 
with her sad, blue eyes that sparkled accasionally 
when a tear was almost forced back, and now and 
then when one would force its way through silken 
lashes and splash over her little jeweled hands. 

"I feel so strange, to-night, Amos dear," said 
the young wife, after prolonged silence. " A 
strange presentiment seems to steal over me in 
spite of myself. What can it mean? I never had 
such a dreadful fear of something, I know not 
what. I wonder how people feel when they are 
about to die, Amos J" she went on in a sad tone, 
not once taking her eyes from the glowing fire. 

Mr. Arnold's only answer was a churlish, " How 
should I know ?" after which he sank again into a 
sullen silence. His features, which were now 
plainly visible in the glow of the fire-light, had a 
jaded and care-worn expression, and a few hard 



lines about the resolute mouth denoted anything 
but tenderness. He finally arose from his sitting 
posture and glanced angrily at his wife, while a 
half-smothered fire flashed from his dark eyes, and 
a savage, half-desperate look settled over his face. 
Mrs. Arnold again broke the silence : 

" I feel as though some great calamity was about 
to befall us," she said. "I wonder where my 
darling is to-night I" 

"' Nonsense !" exclaimed her husband, savagely. 
" I have been expecting this for some time, al- 
though I had hoped once that you would cease to 
torture me. Your darling is no doubt faring better 
than she deserves.' 1 

Mr. Arnold now seated himself and relapsed 
into profound silence and his wife continued : 

" It was on as dark and stormy a night as this 
that my precious pet was lost in the street. Alas ! 
my own, my dearest Mittie, I never expect to see 
you alive again." 

" Mary !' ; cried Mr. Arnold, springing from his 
chair and walking rapidly up and down the room, 
" keep quiet, I besech you, and let this detestable 
subject drop, or by heaven you will drive me mad. 
I heartily curse the day on which your Mittie came 
into existence, and now, once for all " — 

But the sentence was never finished ; the cruel 
words were cut short by a noise at the door, a kind 
of wailing cry, that sent the life-blood coursing 
through the veins of Mrs. Arnold and brought an 
usual glow to her faded cheek, while her husband 
stood silent with ashen face and quivering lip. 

' ' 'Tis she ! My poor lost darling ! My own 
dear Mittie !" screamed Mrs. Arnold as she sprang 
toward the door. Her husband advanced, and 
rudely pushing her aside, opened it and admitted a 
wee creature, destitute of clothing, shivering with 
wet and cold, and almost too weak from exposure 
and fasting to stand alone. 

Mr. Arnold slammed the door vengefully, and 
without a second glance at the little waif which his 
wife now tenderly clasped to her bosom, continued 
his walk up and down the room. 

There was a silence of several minutes, after 
which the cruel husband said : 

" Well, you are satisfied now, I hope, and will 
probably allow me a little rest and quiet. I doubt 
whether you would think more of a child than you 
do of that infernal Maltese cat." 

Saying this, the irate husband strode indig- 
nantly from the room and retired for the night. 

Omaha, January 2, 1883. H. S. S. 



THE MACE-KALLOCH AFFAIR. 



The Mace testimonial on last Monday evening of 
January 8th was a complete triumph of matter 
over mind. A building dedicated to spiritual wor- 
ship used for the purpose of a brutal physical dis- 
play. A church furnished with all the parapher- 
nalia of divine service turned into one huge 
contribution-box for the benefit of a retired pugil- 
ist. The science of dodging a blow versus the 
expounding of the text. Noses that were pulpits 
for ministers of the gospel of "self-defense." A 
congregation of lusty sinners who wrestled to get 
a glimpse of the great expounder of the Marquis 
of Queensbury's rules. A church, packed with 
smoking, sweating, swearing worshippers at the 
shrine of muscular aggression. An atmosphere 
thick with fumes of Barbary coast whisky echoing 
the coarse encouragemeut of brutality. A conven- 
tion of "muscular Christianity," tilling the huge 
edifice with vile oaths and viler tobacco smoke. 
What particular Deity could feel flattered by such 
attentions ? What particular creed would care to 
acknowledge the responsibility of such a convoca- 
tion? 

It is playing the devil with religious traditions, 
but the slogging was good. 



The legislators have begun by defeating a rail- 
road man for the Speakership of the House, and 
there is great glory and joy thereat, and plenty of 
talk about the way the monopoly will be banged 
about this session. A good beginning, no doubt, 
but how long will it last? When the artful lobby- 
ist parades the corridors with his sack, and drops 
into the bar-rooms with his sack, and ushers legis- 
lators into his private quarters where the sack sits 
enshrined, will the present virtue be proof against 
the temptation? We hope so, but we know the 
power of hard American money when weighed in 
the balance with that hollow thing called public 
approbation. 



THE WASP 




PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY, AT 540 AND 542 CALI- 
FORNIA ST., BELOW KEARNY, BY 

E. C. MACFARLANE & CO., 
Proprietors and Publishers. 

TEEMS TO SUBSCRIBERS : 

One copy, one year, or 52 numbers $5 00 

One copy, six months, or 26 numbers 2 50 

One copy for thirteen weeks 125 

Postage free to all parts of the United States, Canada 
and British Columbia. 

The country trade supplied by the San Francisco News 
Company. 

AH Postmasters are authorized to take subscriptions 
for the Wasp, payable invariably in advance. 

The following agents are authorized to receive subscrip- 
tions and advertisements for the Wasp: In Merced, 
Fresno, Tulare and Kern counties, Capt. J. W. A.Wright. 
D. G. Waldron, General Traveling Agent. 

iVo questionable advertisements inserted in tkis journal. 
SATURDAY, - - - JANUARY 13, 1883. 



This oleomargarine movement is no legitimate 
manufacturing enterprise ; it is a stock-jobbing 
speculation. This is the least mischievous form it 
could assume, for it is better the public be swindled 
than poisoned. Unfortunately, however, they do 
make oleomargarine and sell it. That is necessary 
in order to place the shares. When they have all 
been placed, oleomargarine will doubtless disappear 
from the market. Indeed, none has ever been in 
the market — as oleomargarine. We know they 
are making it, for in the various butchers' shops 
and stalls are kept tubs of refus > fat, bloody fag- 
ends of unsaleable meat, broken t mes and all man- 
ner of " dog." This precious accu lulation of stuff 
to which- the oleomargarine mill .ms given a new 
value, is carted away every mor: ting and sold to 
Mr. Wilson and his co-malefactors. The pretense 
that oleomargarine is made of suet needs no dis- 
proof. All the animals butchered in the State 
have not suet enough to supply the Palace Hotel 
with oleomargarine. Moreover, the butchers will 
not sell suet except to their customers for domestic 
use. Now what becomes of the weekly output of 
oleomargarine ? Its sale as butteris prohibited by 
law, and the Wilson person and the Mastick person 
prof ess themselves in favor of the law's enforce- 
ment. Yet it all mysteriously disappears the mo- 
ment it passes out of the mill. There is not a 
place in town, that we have been able to discover, 
where oleomargarine is on sale — as oleomargarine. 
It is sold at certain groceries — as butter. It is 
served at certain hotels and restaurants — as butter. 
We have some of these places noted down, and 
when the list is long enough its publication will 
supply reading matter instructive to some and in- 
teresting to all. 



We observe that the fellow James Wilson has 
been replj'ing (at a cost to his stockholders of a 
dollar a line) to our remarks of last week. When 
fools are derided and rogues exposed they have one 
traditional method of defence and retaliation : 
they lie. This is natural and, in a sense, commend- 
able — in the same sense that it is commendable in 
a kicked skunk to execute a deafening odor : it is 



all that the poor creature can do. As that ani- 
mal's means of defense are carried well abaft, so 
Mr. Wilson's peculiar method of retaliation is dis 
closed in the tail of his reply — thus : 

" Your readers may, perhaps, be better able to grasp 
the animus of the attack with which we have been deal- 
ing when they learn that the same weeldy in which it 
appeared offered for a certain price to publish a caricature 
of the same dairymen whom they now champion, and 
that the offer was refused and this attack is the conse- 
quence." 

We were willing to publish Mr. Wilson's adver- 
tisement — written or pictorial. Indeed, we did 
publish it. We are willing to publish it now, and 
should now, as we did then, "attack " oleomarga- 
rine all the time. But when we were asked to put 
a picture in praise of his abominable merchandise 
on one of our regular cartoon pages we declined. 
Turning to our letter book (which anybody may 
see who has an interest in the matter) we find that 
the terms in which we declined were as follows — 
the letter being addressed to Mr. Feinberg, agent 
of the company, and dated November 16, 1882 : 

"It will be impossible for us to make the cartoon you 
propose on our middle page or on any of our cartoon 
pages. The only way we can publish it will be as a col- 
ored supplement. It can be pasted in and the page num- 
bered and you will get as much benefit froni it in that way 
as though it appeared as one of our regular cartoons. But 
under no circumstances can we devote our cartoon pages 
to advertising purposes." 

Fahus in uno, falsus . omnibus : if the oleo- 
margarine gang # will lie about their critics they will 
lie about their bull butter — and get Professor 
Thomas Low-Price to assist them. 



After a good deal of discussion the members of 
the Charter Commission agreed that their new 
Charter should go into effect on the first day of 
January, 1885, the Legislature, the people and 
God willing. It is an intolerably long Charter, 
and we do not believe that one legislator in a 
dozen nor one voter in a hundred will read it be- 
fore giving the city the advantage of his judgment 
on it. Under these circumstances, it is to be re- 
gretted that the question of its adoption or rejec- 
tion could not have been referred to some simpler 
arbitrament than that provided by the Constitu- 
tion. If the Mayor of San Francisco and the 
Chairman of the Commission could have been em- 
powered by law to decide the matter by the impar- 
tial method of flipping up a copper, we believe the 
result would have been cheerfully accepted by the 
people as a wise and satisfactory decision. Laugh 
as we may at Rabelais' Judge Bridlegoose, who, 
when impeached for determining legal questions 
with dice, pleaded for lenity on the ground that 
his eyesight was so impaired by age that he some- 
times mistook the spots, this simple and natural 
manner of settling disputed questions has some- 
thing in it which has commended itself to the 
good sense of all men in all ages, and millions of 
money change hands every day on hazards in 
which no other principle has a determining in- 
fluence. 



At the first meeting of the Board of Railroad 
Commissioners, on Tuesday last, Mr. Foote made a 
vigorous beginning at the redemption of his pledges 
in the lawful coin of performance. No sooner was 
the Board organized than he offered a resolution 
reducing passenger rates on all lines owned, leased, 
controlled or operated by the Central Pacific and 
Southern Pacific companies to a uniform charge of 
three cents a mile for adults, and one and a half 
cent for children between the ages of five and 
twelve. Another resolution with which Commis- 
sioner Foote came provided requires the various 
railroad companies to supply under oath complete 
statements of their affairs,- from the original cost 
of their roads to the freight rates on cats. This is 



characteristic of Mr. Foote ; the promptitude and 
energy with which he lays hold of the horns of 
any bull that he has undertaken to subdue are his 
most striking peculiarities. Commissioners Hum- 
phreys and Carpenter were unprepared to act upon 
these energetic resolutions, and had themselves 
nothing to propose. There is no special significance 
in the contrast between them and their aggressive 
colleague; if all capable men were Footes this 
world would be too lively to live in. There is time 
enough for Messrs. Humphreys and Carpenter to 
exhibit their zeal if they have it. In the mean- 
time they may profitably remember that they do 
not as yet enjoy the full confidence of the people, 
and reflect that the unusual promptitude of their 
colleague is likely to be popularly interpreted and 
approved as a challenge to show their hands. 

Governor Stooeman's message ought to dispel 
the apprehensions of people who have been led by 
disgruntled newspapers to believe that he was cap- 
tured by the Railroad. He earnestly recommends 
that the hands of the Board of Equalization be 
strengthened in order that it may circumvent the 
conspiracies which Stanford & Co. are daily hatch- 
ing to escape taxation and plunder the people. He 
distinctly pledges his administration to the use of 
all its constitutional powers, and all its influence for 
the support of the Railroad Commission in com- 
posing the quarrel between the transportation com- 
panies and the people of the State in a way satis- 
factory to the latter. That this pledge will be 
faithfully kept, Governor Stoneman's j ust and 
manly course as a member of the old Board is the 
best evidence that could be adduced. If the Legis- 
lature stands by Stoneman as he stands by the 
people, the tide of dishonest dollars has reached 
high water mark on Nob Hill. 



Equally creditable to the new Governor is his 
demand for repeal of the odious Sunday laws. 
There is no money in that matter : the pious per- 
sons concerned for the conservation of religion by 
sinful means have no " sack." Even the holy man 
who edits the Argonaut will not put up a cent to 
secure the triumph of his stern conviction that it is 
wrong to get shivering drunk on the Christian Sab- 
bath. When he and Deacon Stanford procured the 
insertion of their heavenly views in the Republican 
platform, they rightly felt that their work was ac- 
complished and left the result with God— who fell 
down. Without a "sack" the truly good can 
hardly hope to .make head against the awful irre- 
ligion of a Legislature wickedly Democratic. 



On retiring from the office of Governor a few 
days ago, Mr. Perkins observed the harmless cus- 
tom of issuing a valedictory message showing what 
a good boy he had been. It is considerably longer 
than his successor's message, and is, on the whole, 
pervaded with a more truly religious spirit, as was 
to have been expected from a man of such des- 
perate piety and distinguished humility. The fol- 
lowing passage is one of the finest things that 
Sacramento has inherited from Bethlehem: 

"I congratulate you on the auspicious opening of the 
New Year. Success has attended every vocation and pur- 
suit of our fellow-citizens. The fertility of our soil has 
yielded an abundant harvest; our orchards and vineyards 
have amply rewarded the labor expended on them; our 
mines show no diminution of their proceeds ; our mechan- 
ical industries are increasing, and their activity is the best 
indication of their thrift." 

The complacent satisfaction that Mr. Perkins 
evidently feels in the contemplation of these va- 
rious results of his administration is almost worthy 
to be compared with that of King George III, of 
blessed memory, who once explained to his reverent 
courtiers that he prided himself upon nothing so 
much as the abundance of the last year's harvest. 



THE WASP. 



PRATTLE. 



People who call on Mr. Frank .lames at the jail 
in Independence, Missouri, are required to send in 
their cards. Any one whom the distinguished mur- 
derei does not care t>> receive is informed by the 
turnkey that " Mr. James is not in." 



Since the introduction of oleomargarine, the 
man who boards at a hotel or restaurant takes his 
butter, as the English are said to take their pleas- 
ures—sadly. 



The Bulletin's Sacramento correspondent says 
that when Governor Stoneman heard that Mr. La 
Rue had been chosen for Speaker of the Assembly 
lie " shook with joy." 

The Governor sat wearily 

Beside his office table 
Determining who'd better lie 

Appointed to each vacancy, 
As fa.st as he was able. 

The names of applicants lay there 

( >n cards of his provision ; 
Three hundred bushels, written fair 
. And stocked about the room with care, 

Awaited his decision. 

Two names before him, one to right 

And one to left, were laid for 
Mis choice— two men who'd made a fight 
For one snug berth, which many a night 

They'd lain awake and prayed for. 

His Excellency raised his hand — 
Their claims would soon be favored 

With just adjudication and 

Their fate irrevocably planned, 
But still the balance wavered. 

Then hove a nigger page in view, 

As black as any sun-Spot, 
And cried : " Dey's 'lected Mars' La Rue ! " 
The Gov'nor shook with joy — and threw 

Three deuces and a one-spot. 



gently conducted by the warm spot on the leather 
cushion of his predecessor ; when we reflect that 
these instances are not exceptional but typical, I Bay 
that it is impossible for any observer whose eyes 
are not servitors of his prejudicies to draw any 
other conclusion than that our political activity is 
mainly directed to the bestowal of high preferment 
upon rascals and dunces. Reform is apparently 
impossible, but shall we therefore gripe our noses 
and avert our eyes ? Not I, for one. When I see 
an idiot in high station I will add such terrors to 
his elevation as I can. I will put as many thorns 
in his crown as the leisure that I can snatch from 
the pressure of other pleasures will permit me to 
weave in ; and neither the deprecation of his 
friends nor his own re' tory lies shall stop the 
good work. 



one whose stentorian lungs will persuade the dis- 
tant porker worse than a fog horn. To persons to 
whom stem fate has denied a type-writer our Sec- 
retary will supply a long-felt want. He will be 
given away and the rest of our stock thrown in. 
Terms, credit and the rest in trade. * 



In another column is described a method of dis- 
tinguishing oleomargarine from butter : a bit of 
the suspected substance is to be laid upon the un- 
believer's tongue and suffered to melt. That is 
good enough for people who have lost all their 
money in mining stocks or been disappointed in 
love, but those to whom life is still bright and 
beautiful would be grateful for a less perilous test 
For the atufl* might be oleomargarine. 



Major General Samuel Backus feelingly com- 
plains that certain evil-spirited persons have dis- 
seminated slanders about the Board of Directors of 
the Veterans' Home Association. That is so ; 
they have even gone to the length of affirming that 
Mr. Backus belongs to it ; whereas it is well 
known that he belongs to Mr. W. W. Stow. 

By the way, I learn that Mr.. Backus has been 
accusing various persons of "inspiring" this pa- 
per's "attacks" on him. He needs not worry 
himself about any question of identity ; the " at- 
tacks" were all inspired and made by me.- As to 
the matter of " provocation " (about which his 
friends appear unduly concerned) it is cheerfully 
confessed that I have none of a personal nature 
that can be urged in justification, never having had 
the advantage of the man's acquaintance. My ob- 
jection to him is that he is imprudent in climbing 
so high upon the tree of political distinction as to 
accentuate his superior fitness to view the world 
from a sitting standpoint. In connection with the 
subject of motive, it is perhaps barely worth men- 
tioning that Mr. Backus is not a good Postmaster. 



It is nothing that a fool may, and sometimes 
does, creditably administer a high office : " the 
law hath yet another hold " on him in that he is a 
fool. His crime is his preferment over men of 
brains, and to his prosecution on that indictment 
every self respecting journalist should set his hand. 
Let it be understood that private rascals officially 
honest and trusted dunces accidentally capable will 
get no quarter here ; their plea of duty well per- 
formed will be conceded and disregarded. That 
the people are content with their management 
is a matter apart ; it will not placate. The brain- 
less official may urge that if he has done his duty 
he can be attacked only through envy. I cheer- 
fully admit that in my case this is true : I envy 
him his superb and tranquil unconsciousness of the 
fact that men are responsible for not only for what 
they do but for what they are. 

Concerning retaliatory lies, by the way, I have 
the honor to suggest to Mr. Feinberg, the agent of 
the oleomargarine company, that he be content 
with humbler achievements in their invention and 
public dissemination. He has been openly reaffirm- 
ing the falsehood noted on the oppotite page, 
namely that the "attacks" of this paper on his 
unrighteous business were made in revenge for his 
refusal to give us an advertisement. They were 
made in deference to my desire to make them. It 
follows, therefore, that whatever may be the scope 
of it hereafter, the controversy between the oleo- 
margarine company and the Wasp newspaper is 
narrowed to the question whether I am a black- 
mailer or Mr. Feinberg is a liar. It looks to me as 
if the latter proposition must be held true unless 
Mr. Feinberg have the sagacity to involve it in a 
cloud of doubt by affirming it himself. 



Among the pictures whose loss by fire was re- 
cently telegraphed from New York were " two 
companion pieces representing California fish and 
fruit." In our gratitude for the great gain to art 
by the destruction of these twin evils, let us man- 
fully strive to forget the incalculable loss it has sus- 
tained by the escape of the artist. 



I hold that under our political system it is very 
rarely that a man of brains, honor and good man- 
ners gets into public life. In most instances the 
man who holds an office is a rogue, a vulgarian or 
an ignoramus ; commonly he is all three. When 
we see our State represented in the national Sen- 
ate by such dullards as Farley, and in the House 
by such hoodlums as Budd ; when such headless 
nobodies as Perkins are pitchforked into the office 
of Governor, John McCorab thrust into a State 
prison as Warden and Sam. Backus shoved into the 
Postoffice, which would have been more intelli- 



The Republican newspapers of Paris are deriv- 
ing an infantde atisfaction from drawing parallels 
between the characters of Leon Gambetta and 
" Georges Ouashington. " The similarity is cer- 
tainly very marked in the manner of their death : 
each fell a martyr to his admiration of the ladies. 
Gambetta was directly, and no doubt righteously, 
shot by his best girl, and Monsieur Ouashington 
took a fatal cold by getting up thinly clad in the 
shank of the morning to speed a parting guest who 
happened to be the wife of his overseer. 



The Pacific Stock Exchange Board being about 
to retire from business on account of sickness in the 
family, offers for sale all its plant, fixtures, appur- 
tenances and goodwill. Among these will be found 
a large and complete assortment of broken hopes, 
suitable for jilted lovers and defeated candidates. 
The attention of debating societies and political 
meetings is respectfully called to our magnificent 
President, one of the best ever offered in this mar- 
ket. As he is slightly damaged he may be had at 
a bargain. Hog ranchers will find in our Caller 



' Dear as remembered kisses after death," 

Sings Tenn3 7 son, and, certcs, I'm concurring ; 
But those from lips still warm with life and breath 
Are surely worth preferring. 

Yet there are kisses dearer far than these : 
If you achieve them not, then woe betide you. 

I mean the ones, good reader, if you please, 
That sternly are denied you. 

O stingy damosel, you can't exhaust 

Your store of lasses — won't you give me any ? 

If in the giving half their value's lost, 
Then give me twice as many. 

Ambrose Biebce. 



A SHAMELESS BUSINESS. 



When some hapless devil of a woman like Carrie 
Baldwin has shot some disagreeable blackguard 
like "Lucky" of the same ilk, and is suddenly 
shut up in a cell for the misdeed, she is straightway 
besieged by newspaper reporters, who in pursuit of 
a sordid end ply her with all manner of ungentle- 
manly questions. The wretched creature is of 
course in a condition of hysterical excitement and 
moist sentimentality, and has a desperate desire 
to talk. In ten minutes her tongue has got the 
better of her and she has given herself dead 
away— has committed herself and prejudiced her 
case by a hundred statements that a brief season 
of solitude and reflection would have prevented 
her from making. Down it all goes in black and 
white, and when she afterwards comes into court 
she is condemned out of her own mouth and hasn't 
the dim and insubstantial spook of a chance at acquit- 
tal. Some of the questions with which the Chronicles 
reporter plied Carrie Baldwin were simply shock- 
ing in their brutal indecency, and is is hardly to 
be wondered at that, as he triumphantly says, she 
"blushed and gave evasive answers." It is not a 
fair shake, by any manner of means. The dirty 
business of interviewing female— or, for that mat- 
ter, male — prisoners red-handed from their crime 
is the meanest md most unmanly development of 
the reporter's horrible art, and any prison-official 
permitting it ondit to be discharged forthwith for 
the betterment 01 his efficiency. 



The Record-Union is quite indignant that a dog- 
pit should have been set up in Sacramento for the 
amusement of the legislators. It says it will 
"brutalize them." This is a reflection upon the 
honest dog who fights for the pure love of it, and 
whose allowance of bones is not affected by the 
result of the encounter. His unworthy imitator, 
the man, does not bruise his fellow pugilist because 
he has any sensual gratification in the pursuit. 
His motives are sordid. He tights for money. The 
dog simply obeys his natural instincts, and chews 
the other dog with keen delight. Brutality is an- 
other name for squeamishness, and we believe the 
Record-Union man would be the last to turn away 
from a reserved seat in Con. Mooney's pit. 



THE WASP 



OLEOMARGARINE. 



What It Is 



Why. 



If the chemically compounded, highly manipu- 
lated article, which is known to the trade as artifi- 
cial butter, under the name of oleomargine, is really 
so very difficult to distinguish from the genuine 
butter, how much more difficult would it be to dis- 
tinguish between one kind of fat and another ; be- 
tween one kind of suet and another, when each 
kind is in a presentable condition ? When the en- 
terprising manufacturers of that spurious butter 
invite the public to inspect their works and exam- 
ine the sort of stock which they use for the pro- 
duction of oleomargarine they are not too bold in 
doing so, for it would take a phenomenal expert to 
be able to tell the fat of a goat from that of a dog, 
or the suet of beef from that of a horse. 

If the poundkeeper were to be induced, he might 
take extra pains in preparing and cleaning the fat 
of such animals as come under his "treatment." 
It would then be extremely difficult to find wit- 
nesses who could positively and truthfully swear 
what sort of fat or suet filled the vats of the oleo- 
margarine factory. 

And after the fat is rendered and one uniform 
mass of grease fills their kettle, there is not a 
chemist in the world who could analyze and classify 
the different particles and report the proportion of 
horse, dog, goat or beef. There is but one way of 
ascertaining the truth, and that is to investigate 
the sources of their supplies. We are credibly in- 
formed that the soap- fat-men. that class of peo- 
ple who infest the areas, and bargain soap for 
soup-skimmings and table-scraps, are the people 
who furnish a very large amount of fat from which 
the bogus butter is manufactured. The enter- 
prising sons of the land of song and maccaroni, 
who act as chief engineers of swill-carts could, 
" an they would," disclose some of the ingredients 
of which that latest triumph of chemistry con- 
sists. But the chief source of raw material is the 
slaughter-house. Let anyone who is not over- 
fastidious and who is blessed with an unrevoltable 
stomach walk through the shambles of South San 
Francisco and smell the odors of blood and entrails 
and drying hides and putrid offal, and watch the 
thrifty flies how they care for their offspring, and 
see the slimy ooze as it filters and seeps in greenish 
black streaks along the sandy beach. Let him then 
enter where the entrails are stripped of every bit 
of fat which encases the repulsive membrane and 
see what sort of care is excersised in keeping it 
free from the pollution of the contents of the en- 
trails. Let him then follow the course of the fat 
until it appears as oleomargarine upon the table, 
and it would be safe to lay long odds that oleomar- 
garine will remain untasted by him forever. 

The object of this article is not to "attack" a 
legitimate industry, but to prevent the consumer 
from being deceived by a spurious compound under 
the guise of butter. There should and will be a 
law enacted which shall regulate the sale and con- 
sumption of oleomargarine ; it is the duty of our 
Legislature to frame such a law that will make it 
impossible to offer for sale or serve for consump- 
tion an article which is alleged to take the place of 
butter, without the purchaser's or consumer's full 
knowledge, free will and consent. Every retail- 
grocer or dispenser of the article, every hotel- 
keeper or eating-house caterer who supplies oleo- 
margarine instead of dairy-butter should be 
compelled to announce that circumstance without 
the possibility of evasion, so that no one partaking 
of that compound shall do so under the mistaken 
impression that "dairy butter 5 ' is served. It is 
not enough that the jobber or wholesale-grocer s^ll 
oleomargarine as such, but the people who sell or 
serve such compound should, under heavy penalties 
for evasions, be compelled by law to acquaint the 
people who buy at retail, or before whom the same 
is set for table-use, that they are expected to eat 
oleomargarine. 

Butter is more of a luxury than a necessity; a 
very large proportion of civilized people use no 
butter. In the South American States, in Mexico, 
in Japan and in China butter is not used; and 
even the French and Italians use it but sparingly 
at table. In the United States butter is used in 
larger quantities in proportion to the population 
than anywhere else in the world ; it is one of the 
signs of affluence. Therefore, it is in the United 
States that the invention of oleomargarine found 
its most important suppoi't. The sixteen factories 
erected within our borders here in the past year 
manufactured and disposed of 2,500,000 pounds of 



that article. The business is a profitable one and 
in many respects a legitimate industry. The 
method of treating fat for the purpose of making 
oleomargarine is to collect animal fat (and we 
affirm that any kind of animal fat, from that of a 
dog or a cat to that of a horse or a human being, 
is equally suitable for the purpose), which is chop- 
ped fine, so as to free it from its cells as much as 
possible; then ' ; tried," or rendered, and becomes 
tallow. The tallow is then subjected to high pres- 
sure and becomes oil. The oil is then churned 
with about twenty per cent, of milk and five per 
cent, of salt, and that is run out through ice and 
becomes oleomargarine. The company which was 
organized in San Francisco for that purpose issued 
10,000 shares of stock at a nominal value of $100 
per share, the actual value being .$50. Two of the 
largest tallow firms were induced to acquire a con- 
siderable interest to allay their competition for raw 
material. 

The capacity of the works at present is limited 
only by the supply of tallow ; and it is calculated 
that 4,000 pounds per day would be about their 
production. This would supply 32,000 consumers 
at an average of two ounces per day. Is it to be 
supposed that there are that many people here who 
would, knowingly, consume that amount of oleo- 
margarine ? Or is it not more reasonable to assume 
that the bakers, the cotfee saloons, the restaurants, 
the eating-houses and the hotels dispose of it to 
their customers under the guise and pretense of 
dairy butter ? 

There is but one way to distinguish the spurious 
from the genuine butter, and that is by taking a 
lump of the article upon the tongue and letting it 
dissolve. If it be genuine dairy-butter the after- 
taste will be of a milky, nutty character, with a 
particularly agreeable flavor; if oleomargarine, it 
will at first seem like butter, but the after-taste 
will be unmistakeably tallowy. Used for cooking 
purposes it is indistinguishable when once heated 
with other condiments. Therefore, those who use 
it should, in cooking, as a matter of simple fair 
dealing, acquaint the consumer with that circum- 
stance ; just the same as the restaurateur who sets 
out a joint of horse-meat should not pretend it is 
beef ; or the one who would dare to broil a fat 
should not impose it upon the customer as 
rabbit. There is no objection to any use of oleo- 
margarine as a substitute for butter, whether it be 
prompted by preference or economy ; but no one 
paying for one thing should get another. 



WORSES BY BYSSHE. 



Oh ! the bore, the bore, the talkative bore, 

Who tells you the stories you've heard before ! 

Who seizes your button and never let's go 

'Till he henrs what you think of our wonderful snow ! 

He says 'tis " unparelled, marvelous, grand, 
Unknown to the oldest inhabitant, and 
Miraculous, mystical, really phenomenal " — 
'Till you feel that a kick in his region abdominal. 
Or anywhere else that will shorten his breath 
Is all that can save you from premature death! 



A saucy young damsel named Pearl 
Was gone on a red-headed chearl. 
He could pour down bad liquor 
And swagger and sniquor, 
Which captures many a gearl ! 



A gentleman in a fit of despondency, or eccen- 
tricity, or both, chose to write his epitaph in bad 
doggerel and put it on the tombstone he had pur- 
chased to decorate the spot which is to receive his 
remains. This was purely his own business; but 
now about every ten years some newspaper reporter 
wanders through that graveyard, copies and pub- 
lishes this worthy person's vile veises, and intro- 
duces the matter with a brief biography of the 
author. The lines tell of the gentleman's for- 
tunate experience in traveling over the first rail- 
roads, and sending dispatches over the first tele- 
graph lines. His determination to read his epi- 
taph before he died is fully gratified, but he might 
have had some respect for the public, who look for 
this sort of literature in the obituary columns only, 
and very properly feel defrauded when it stares 
at them in the space that should be devoted to more 
interesting topics. The next time the epitaph is 
published, it will be in order for somebody to hurry 
up the corpse. 



|g\ LOST 4pfe-^ 
MANHOOD \gpS> RESTORED. 

DR. L I E B I G , 400 Geary Street, CONTINUES 
to t-ett siiLce=sf ully every furni uf Chrouic or Special Dis- 
ease 'without mercury minerals or utnseous drugs. DR. 
LIJi'BlG'S INVIO RATOR is the rmly positive and perma- 
nent cure fur nervous and physical d bility loss of manhood, 
weatn^us :md all the terrible results of abused yature. exces- 
ses and youlhful foUies One thousand dollars vi'l be for- 
feited for any cuseof ■weakness or special disease th t the Di c- 
tor underthk"s and fails to cure, if his directions are fullowcd 
The reason that thousinds cannot get permanently cu r ed, 
aft'r tryins; in vain, is owing to a complication called prosta- 
lorrhea, which requires a special remedy. DR LIEHIG'9 
I VIGOR i TO It, So. 2, is a specific for p ostatorrhoa. Price 
of either (nvigorator $2 per bottle, or 6 bntt!e3 $10. Sent to 
ai.y pait of th« country. (Jail or address DR. LIEB1G & CO , 
No. 400 Geary strfet, corner of Mason s'reet, San FranciRCO. 
Private entrance, 405 Mason street. eovr 




•This Engraving represents the Lungs in o, healthy state. 

By US fail lit ill nSC CONSUMPTION HAS RVA:\ I'l'lEEO 

when oilier lU'iiieilirs :in<l Physicians have 
I'iiiU'il to effect a cure. 

Wm. C. Diggins, Merchant of Bowling Green, Va., 
writes April 4, 1881, that he wants us to know that the 
Lung Balsam has cured his mother of consumption, after 
the physicians had given her up as incurable. He says 
others knowing her case have taken the Balsam and been 
cured ; he thinks all so afflicted should give it a trial. 

Wm. A. Graham & Co., Wholesale Druggists, Zanes- 
ville, Ohio, writes us of the cure of Mathtas Freeman, a 
well-known citizen, who had been afflicted with Bronchitis 
in its worst form for twelve years. The Lung Balsam 
cured him, as it has many others of Bronchitis. 

Voluntary Editorial from the Dubuque " Herald." 

Allen's Lung Balsam is a popular remedy in Dubuque 
and the surrounding country. The druggists whom we 
have interviewed in regard to the sale of different reme- 
dies for Lung Diseases, all speak in high terms of Allen's 
Lung Balsam, not only as having the largest sale but of 
giving entire satisfaction wherever it is used. In relation 
to its excellent curative properties we can speak from ex- 
perience, having used it in our family for a long time. 

FOR SALE BY ALL MEDICINE DEALERS. 

Trade supplied by 

REDDINGTON & CO., San Francisco, California, 
LAUGHLIN & MICHAEL, 
J. J. MACK & CO., 



KIDNEY-WORTt 



HE QfiEAT CURE 



RHEUMATISM 

As it is for all the painful diseases of the 
KiDNEYS, LIVER AND BOWELS, 

It cleanses the system of the acrid poii™~ 
that causes the dreadful suffering which 
only the victims of Rheumatism can realize. 

THOUSANDS OF CASES 
of the worst forms of this terrible disease 
have been quickly relieved, and in short time 

PERFECTLY CURED, 
PRICE, $1. LIQUID OR DRY, SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. 
it- Dry can be sent by mail. 

WELLS, RICHARDSON & Co., Burlington Vt. 



KI-BINJEYi-WQFM 



GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, 

a certain cure for NKRVOUS DEBILITY, 
3ST JI iNHOOD, and all the evil effects of 
uihful follies and ex-esses. 

DR. DJMIK, who is a regular phyoblan, 
nduate cf Hie University of Pennsylvania, 
illafree to rorroit Five Hundred Dollars Tor 
:ascofthekind the VITAL RESTORATIVE 
oocr his special advice and treataif-',) will 
it cure. Price, S3 a bottle; four times the 
larlity, $10. Sent to any address, COMF1- 
;stuliy, by A. E. 11INTIE, M. D., No. II 
;ornv Street, S. P. Send for pamphlet. 

SA TITLE BOTTLE FREE will be sect to 

ie applying by letter, staling symptoms, 

;<■£ and ate Strict secrecy in ''11 transactions. 




THE WASP. 



JOKES FROM THE FRENCH. 



An eminent lawyer undertakes the defense of a 
miserable and dejected-looking man accused of 
stealing a coat. 

He cross-examines the prosecuting witness and 
involves him in numerous contradictions, tears in 
pieces the flimsy sophistries *>f the opposing coun- 
sel, and winds up with such an eloquent peroration 
that the jury bring in a verdict of "Not guilty" 
without leaving the box, amid a perfect Wiggins 
tornado of applause. 

The rehabilitated prisoner casts himself into the 
arms of his defender, bursts into tears, and sobs : 

•■ My preserver ! My preserver I'' 

•'That's all right, my good fellow,' says the ad- 
vocate, pattii g him on the shoulder ; " your inno- 
cence has been attested by a jury of your peers, 
and henceforth you can walk abroad holding your 
head high in the consciousness of your integrity." 

"And can I wear the coat now f 

A young blood who is about to enterinto the 
holy estate of matrimony goes to seek the advice 
of an old friend, his family doctor. 

"The girl, you see,' r says the young man, with 
engaging frankness, " hasn't got any tin now, but 
she has a rich uncle with heart disease that " — 

" I don't know about that," says the doctor, re- 
flectively, "a man with heart disease is apt to 
live much longer than " — 

" But it is a serious case. Only this morning 
they called in your eminent colleague, Dr. X — ." 

" Then if they have, marry her, sir ; you haven't 
a minute to lose ! " 



" Look here," said the Governor to a high State 
official," "when are you going to pay me that 
310 > " 

" Upon my honor, Governor, I don't know." 

" Why, sir, the other day when I mentioned the 
fact of your indebtedness you asked me where I 
would be Tuesday ?" 

" Yes, sir." 

" Well, wasn't that a promise that you would 
pay me Tuesday V 

" No, sir." 

" Why, then, did you want to know where I 
would be Tuesday ?" 

" I wanted to know where you'd be so I 
could make arangements to be somewhere else." 



A wealthy stock broker passing along the street 
surprises a ten-year-old urchin with his hand in 
the stockbroker's pocket attempting to perforin 
the handkerchief trick. 

"\ou young scoundrel!" he exclaims, with 
severity, "are you not ashamed of yourself to 
steal — at your age ? " 



No family should be without the celebrated White Rose 
Flour, made from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebeubaiini, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaura, & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
streets, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. L. Cook & 
Co., corner Grove and Laguna streets, Keddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder & Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd &. Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withram, corner Davis and Clay streets. 

* Dr. S. B. Brittan says : "As a rule physicians do 
not, by their professional methods build up'the female 
constitution, while they seldom cure the diseases to which 
it is always liable in our variable climate and under our 
imperfect civilization. Special remedies are often required 
to restore organic harmony and strengthen the enfebled 
powers of womanhood ; and for most of these we are in- 
debted to persons outside of the medical profession. 
Among the very best of these remedies I assign a promi- 
nent place to Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com- 
pound." 

PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 
The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 1881 
59,182 barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in this city. (See Official Report, 
TX S. Internal Revenue, January, 1882.) The beer from 
this brewery has a Pacific Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 

Ask for "Brook's'' machine cotton. Experienced op- 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it, Glace* 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. "Machine 
Cotton" printed on the cover of every box. For sale by 
all dealers. 

DENTISTRY. 
C. 0. Dean, D. D. S., 126 Kearny street, San Francisco. 



Little Jack Horner sat in the corner, eating con- 
centrated lye ; his mother came in— he had 
emptied the tin. They'll meet in the sweet bye- 
and-bye. 

An <>il City lady, who, upon going into the 
kitcken, found the cook nearly scalded to death, 
remarked : ' ' Well done, thou good and faithful 
servant." 



i %* " Men are but sorry witnesses in their own cause." 
The praise of Kidney- \Vort comes from the mouths of 
those who have been made strung and healthy by it. 
Listen: "It is curing everybody," writes a druggist. 
" Kidney- Wort is the most popular medicine we sell. It 
should be by right, for no otlier medicine has such specific 
action on the liver, bowels and kidneys. 

,t- Make your old things look like new by using the 
Diamond Dyes, and you will be happy. Any of the fash- 
ionable colors for 10 cents. 



Not a drink, not sold in bar-rooms, but a reliable non- 
alcoholic tonic medicine, useful at all times and in all sea- 
sons, is Brown's Iron Bitters. 





(Juiigh, Loss of Voice* hnipj.nl Consumption, ami a 
Throat and Lung Troubles* 

In nine cases out of ten, one dose taken at bedtime will 
effectually and permanently eradicate the severest form 
of INFLUENZA, COLD IN THE HEAD or CHEST. 
Eor Loss of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and Incipient Consumption, a longer sse of it is 
required to effect a permanent cure. 

ASK FOB, THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam, 

AND TAKE XO OTIIEK. Price, 50 Cents. 

J. R. G-ATES & Co.. Druggists, Frop'rs. 

41? Sansooic Street, cor. Commercial, s. r. 



LYDIA 



PINKHAM'S 



VEGETABLE COMPOUND . 

A Snre Cure for all FE.IIAIVE WEAK- 
NESSES, Including Leocorrlicca, Ir- 
regular and Painful Menstruation, 
Inflammation and Ulceration of 
tlie Womb, Flooding, PRO- 
LAPSUS UTERI, &c 
tSTFIeasant to the taste, efficacious and immediate 
in its effect. It is a great help in pre gn a n cy, and re- 
lieves pain during labor and at regular periods. 
Pin'SICIAXS TSE IT ASD prescribe it freely. 
£^~Foe, all "Weaknesses o£ the generative organs 
of either sex, it Is second to no remedy that has ever 
been before the public ; and for all diseases of the 
Kidneys it is the Greatest Remedy in the World. 
^""KIDNEY COMPLAINTS of Either Sex 
Find Great Relief in Its Use. 

LYDIA E. PINKHAM'S BLOOD PURIFIER. 

will eradicate every vestige of Humors l'rom the 
Blood, at the eame time -will give tone and t-trength to 
thesystem. As marvellous in resultsasthe Compound. 

ISrBoth the Compound and Blood Purifier are pre- 
pared at 233 and 235 "Western Avenue, Lynn, Mass, 
Price of either, $1. Six bottles for $5. The Compound 
is sent by mail in the form of pills, or of lozenges, on 
receipt of price, SI per D °s for either. Mrs. Pinkbam 
freely answers all letters of inquiry. Enclose 3 cent 
stamp. Send for pamphlet. Mention this Paper. 

fr^-LTMA E. Ptneham'-; Liver Pills cure Constipa- 
tion, Eiliousness and Torpidity of the Liver. 25 cents. 
£S"Sold by all Dru agists. *^ft ('0 



A Skin of Beauty is a Joy Forever. 
DR. T. FELIX GOURAUD'S 

Oriental Cream, or Magical Beautifier, 

pURIFIES as WELL As 

- 1 - BEAUTIFIES TLIE SKIN, 

Removes Tan, Pimples, 
Freckles, Moth-Patches, 
and every blemish on beau- 
ty, and defies detection. It 
has stood the test of thirty 
years, and is so harmless 
we taste it to be sure the 
preparation is properly 
made. Accept no counter- 
feit of similar name. The 
distinguished Dr. L. A. 
Sayre, said to a lady of the 
haut ton (a patient). As 
you ladies will use cream, I 
recommend ' Gouraud's 
Cream ' as the most harm- 
less of all the Skin preparations." One bottle will last six months, 
using it' every day. Also, Poudre Subtile removes superfluous 
hair without injury to the skin. 

MME. M. E. T. GOURAUtt, Sole Prop., 4S Bond St., New York. 
For sale by all Druggists and Fancy Goods Dealers throughout the 
United States, Canada and Europe. eow 




50W5'» 




BEFORE -AND -AFTER 

Electric Appliances are sent on 30 Days' Trials 

TO MEN ONLY, YOUNG OR OLD, 

WHO are sufferine; from Nervous Debility, 
Lost Vitality, Lack of Nerve Force and 
Vigor, Wasting Weaknesses, and oil those diseases 
of a Personal Nature resulting: from Abuses and 
Other Causes. Speedy relief and complete resto- 
ration of Health, Vigor, and Manhood Guaranteed. 
The grandest discovery of the Nineteenth Centura 
a- 'ii. f.-il-.i i !'■>-■ (:>r Illustrated Pamphlet tree. Address 

VOLTAIC BELT CO., MAKSHALLJWICH, 



AKE HOME BEAUTIFUL! 



House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of Art. The 
Largest Stock of "Wall Papers in the City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO., 

645 Market Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE Ok COLOR. 




SCIENCE" AND R 







h 



<* 



■^ 



RECONCILED AT LAST. 



10 



THE WASP 



One of the penalties of greatness is to be misrepresented. 
Henry Clay was charged with being a gambler and Dan- 
iel Webster with having an excessive appetite for good 
brandy. 

And that was misrepresentation ! Why, you lit- 
erary unfortunate, it was in those things that they 
were great ! They were great statesmen only in 
the indirect and roundabout way that Mr. Picker- 
ing is a great editor — that is to say, a great sinner 
who happens to be an editor. One of the penalties 
of greatness is to have your fame built on the 
wrong foundation, while the massive, cyclopean 
substructure upon which it ought to rest is given 
over to the usurping weed and the sun-soaken lizard 



SACRAMENTO ADVERTISERS 



One of Dan O'Connell's heroes, to wit, a pawn- 
broker of the Hebrew persuasion, advertises, in the 
JPost, " a beautiful stem-winding lady's watch " at 
a bargain. For shame to speak thus of a lady. 
Wonder if he had a handsome muzzle-loading gen- 
tleman's shotgun also ? Grammatically and or- 
thographically considered, the Sheeny may be de- 
ficient, but for turning the nimble penny he is en- 
titled to the biscuit. In this connection 'twas 
said of Baron Rothschild that he evinced a pref- 
erence for mutton over venison thus : " I like vot 
ish sheap better than vot ish dear," leaving his 
hearers in doubt whether the liking was econom- 
ical or gastronomical. 



TRUE 

Temperance 

Is not signing a pledge 
or taking a solemn oath that 
cannot be kept, because of 
the non-removal of the cause 
— liquor. The way to make 
a man temperate is to kill 
the desire for those dreadful 
artificial stimulants that car- 
ry so many bright intellects 
to premature graves, and 
desolation, strife and un- 
happiness into so many 
families. 



Itisafact! Brown'sIron 
Bitters, a true non-alcohol- 
ic tonic, made in Baltimore, 
Md.,by the Brown Chemical 
Company, who are old drug- 
gists and in every particu- 
lar reliable, will, by remov- 
ing the craving appetite of 
the drunkard, and by curing 
the nervousness, weakness, 
and general ill health result- 
ing from intemperance, do 
more to promote temperance, 
in the strictest sense then 
any other means now known- 
It is a well authenticated 
fact that many medicines, 
especially ' bitters/ are noth- 
ing but cheap whiskey vilely 
concocted for use in local 
option countries. Such is 
not the case with Brown's 
Iron Bitters. It is a medi- 
cine, a cure for weakness 
and decay in the nervous, 
muscular, and digestive or- 
gans of the body, produc- 
ing good, rich blood, health 
and strength. Try one bot- 
tle. Price gi.oo. 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul- 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. ilSFThe most extensive establishment on the 
Pacific Coast. Eastern office, 88 Wall street, New York. 

BRUCE HOUSE, 101S J STREET, bet. 10th & 11th, 
Sacramento, Cal. P. C. Smith, proprietor. Board 
and Lodging, per week, §5. Board, per week, S4. 
Meals, 25 cents. &$T All kinds of cold and hot drinks oh 

hand. 



OLAUSS & WERTHEIMS' BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment. Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J street, Sacramento, Cal. 



DR. MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
creases the appetite, prevents indigestion, strength- 
ens the system, purifies the blood and gives tone to 
the stomach. £3T No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K street, Sacramento. 



FOUND AT LAST- AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of Hair to Bald 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color. I warrant this Restorative 
as harmless. . ^"Prepared and sold by Henry Euchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. E. Richards & Co., wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. 



GOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECOM- 
mended by all who use them for their effectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. &W His California 
Rheumatic Cube has no equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 



GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES— W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm Produce; Fruits at wholesale; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
83? One of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 



GW. CHESLEY, 51 FRONT STREET, SACRA- 
mento, Cal., importer and wholesale liquor dealer, 
' sole agents for the genuine Rock and Rye, Maple 
Rum and the famous Cundurango Bitters. 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS. 



HWACHHORST (Sign of the Town Clock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
1 elry and Silverware. Established since 1850 and 
well known all over the Coast for reasonable prices and 
superior quality of goods, AST Watch repairing a specialty. 
Care given to the selection of Bridal, Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 Jstreet (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, Cal. 



LK. HAMMER, S20 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
Cal., agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
* Organs. A complete stock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on. hand. 
SSg" Strings a specialty. 

PACIFIC WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS, J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento. 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels, 
Gears, Bodies, etc. itSTA large stock constantly on hand. 

SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER, IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1S50. 422 J street, Sacramento. 83T Clocks, 
Watches and Jewelry repaired with great care. 



STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
§6 to §12 per week. Family Rooms, 81 to S2.50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H. Eldred, proprietor. 

THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
■ J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street, 
Marysville. C. H. Oilman, proprietor. £5TThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. - The originator of 
the " One Price" — goods being marked in plain figures. 

WM; M. LYON (SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 
Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR " SPERRY'S NEW 
Process Flour"— the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, San Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co. proprietors. 



* VON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
JA completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
;' Southworth, proprietors. 



BURNHAM'S ABIETENE. NO COMPOUND 
but a pure distilation from a. peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds, etc. Sold by all druggists. 



CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NOAK, 
agent for the best California Windmills and Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. O. Box, 312. its? Send for price list. 



EAGLE HOTEL. TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board $4 per week. 
Board and Lodging, §5 to $6. Per day, SI to §1,25. 
Meals, 25 cents. £3f Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H. Allen, proprietress. 



FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels, and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer,-., importer and dealer, cor. Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. ffST Illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application. 



GREAT REDUCTION. ; STOCKTON IMPROVED 
Gang Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ; 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom and warehouse, cor. El Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Globe Ibon Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail. John Caine, sole proprietor. P. 
O. Box, 95, Stockton. 



GRANGERS' UNIDN OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL- 
ley. (Incorporated May, 14, 74.) Importers and 
dealers in Agricultural Implements and a full line 
of General Hardware, Nos. 280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

C. SHAW. PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 

Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 

• Stockton Gang Plows, Farm and Spring Wagons, 

Hardware, etc. , etc. Office and warerooms, 201 and 203 

El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
* dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc. No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 

H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
' Odd Fellows' Block, Stockton, Cal. 

ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal. 



M 



PACIFIC COAST LAW, MERCANTILE AND 
Patent Agency. Joshua B. Webster, attorney at 
^aw. Practice in all Courts, State and Federal. 
Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
Practice, including PATENT and Copyright Law. itST Prin- 
cipal office, Room No. 1, Eldridge's Building (opp. the 
Courthouse) Stockton. 

TOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, §500,000. Deposits payable in 
time or on demand. Pays 5 per cent, interest after 
30 days. Domestic and foreign exchange. Transacts gen- 
eral banking business. L. U. Shippee, president ; F. M. 
West, cashier. 



THE PACIFIC ASYLUM, STOCKTON. &TTHIS 
Private Asylum for the care and treatment of men- 
tal and nervous diseases is where the insane of the 
State of Nevada have been kept for several years, the 
patients being lately removed to Reno. The buildings, 
grounds and accommodations are large and its advantages 
superior. For terms, apply to the proprietor, Dr. Asa 
Clark, Stockton. References, Dr. L. C. Lane, San Fran- 
cisco, and Dr. G. A. Shurtleff, Superintendent State In- 
sane Asylum, Stockton. 

ILLIAMS' BALSAMIC CREAM OF ROSES 
is unsurpassed for beautifying the complexion and 
making the skin soft and nice. It is just the thing 

for chopp'ed bauds. For sale by all druggists or dealers 

in fancy goods. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

THE GERMAN SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
For the half yfar ending December 31st, 1882, the Board 
of Directors of The German Savings and Loan -Son i: iv 
has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 'the rate of 
four and thirty-two one-hundredths (4 o2-100) per cent, 
per annum, and on Ordinal Deposits at the rate of three 
and six-tenths (3 6-100) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Taxes, and payable on and after the 2d day of 
January, 1883. By order. 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE.. 

SAN FRANCISCO SAVINGS UNION, 
532 California street, cor. Webb. 
For the half year ending 31st December, 1882, a divi- 
dend has been declared at the rate of four and thirty-two 
one-hundredths (4 32-100) per cent, per annum on Term 
Deposits, and three and sixty one-hundredths (3 60-100) 
per cent, per annum on Ordinary Deposits, free of Fed- 
eral Tax, payable on and after Wednesday, 17th January, 
1SS3. LOVELL WHITE, Cashier. 



THE WASP. 



11 



MORE OF THE TREATY. 



It were beat tu understand our attitude towards 
the Hawaiian Islands. No amount of maligning 
or uf slander can drown the truth that the 
Hawaiian reciprocity baa brought more trade and 
profit to San Francisco than any other treaty ever 
did before or since. Statistics of unquestion- 
able authenticity prove this beyond a doubt. Prior 
to 1876, the number of ships which were an- 
nually cleared from this port for the Hawaiian 
Islands was 19 ; already in 1878 the number rose 
to 112. The past year nearly *200 clearances for 
the same destination prove the growth of our 
trade. Clearances of lumber-craft from other 
ports will add no less than forty more. There iano 
port south, east or west of San Francisco that com- 
pares with Honolulu in importance, and even Port- 
land, Oregon, with its regular steamship line, does 
not exceed this. The profit accruing from this 
connection can be only approximated, because our 
data embrace merely the value of exports without 
taking iuto consideration the expenditures neces- 
sary for forwarding, freight, teaming, insurance, 
fitting and provisioning vessels, coal, repairs, wages 
and a hundred other items which inure to our ben- 
efit, and are directly attributable to the existence 
of that treaty. The clas3 of goods exported to the 
Islands has steadily increased in quantity and im- 
proved in quality with the ratio of growing pros- 
perity of the Islanders, until to-day the best class 
of fabrics, the higher grades of manufactured 
goods, and many articles of comfort and luxury 
form a large portion of the export trade. By vir- 
tue of the peculiar adaptability of the soil of the 
Islands for the raising of sugar-cane, all other 
crops there have become quite insignificant, and it 
is California upon which the Hawaiians depend for 
their supply of breadstuff's and feed. Even cattle, 
hogs and horses are regularly exported from here, 
and visiting Honolulu an American can see but 
little that strikes him as foreign. The houses, 
great numbers of the people, the shops, the ways 
of business, all are of the American type. Tele- 
phones connect every important place and planta- 
tion ; American newspapers make their daily ap- 
pearance ; conveyances of American manufacture 
traverse the roads and highways ; American rail- 
roads steam across the Islands, and above all, 
American ships, under American flags, lie at the 
Hawaiian moorings. If all this seems an inade- 
quate return for the paltry, and for the most part 
fictitious, sacrifice of a few millions of revenue, 
(fictitious because if it were not for the reciprocity 
the Hawaiian Islands would have no trouble to find 
as good a market for their sugar elsewhere) then 
let the facts be considered that the population of 
the Islands consists of nearly one-third loyal Amer- 
ican citizens, and that they constitute the most 
important and wealthiest part of that colony ; that 
it is American thrift and American enterprise 
which builded this magnificent trade, so that its 
very prosperity is now used as an argument against 
the renewal. If every acre of the sugar-lands of 
the United States were under cultivation, that 
would be insufficient to supply one-half the sugar 
demand of fifty millions of people. Our popula- 
tion is rapidly increasing, and we must either ex- 
pect larger importations of sugar or else annex 
sugar-lands. Reciprocity treaties are compromise 
measures in this connection, and it should be the 
policy of our government rather to extend such 
treaties to other nations than to discuss the possi- 
bility of an abrogation of existing ones. 

There need be no anxiety that the Sandwich 
Island sugar will ever come into such competition 
with our own sugar produce as to make the latter 
unprofitable. For, in the first place, the price of 
Island sugar is entirely regulated by Manilla quota- 
tions ; and secondly, the Islands have nearly 
reached their maximum of production. *The 
planter at Hawaii naturally prefers to selT his 
produce as near to his own door as possible, in 
order to obviate risks and to expedite returns. 
There is but one port which has representative 
buyers at the Islands, and that is San Francisco. 
These sugar buyers allow the Hawaiian planters for 
their sugar Manilla rates, 2J, cents rebate of duty 
added ; for if San Francisco were buying sugar at 
Manilla, it would have to pay that much duty, and 
since under the treaty Hawaiian sugar is free, the 
amount of the duty goes to the benefit of the 
planter. Under this system of encouragement, 
nearly every available acre, nearly every odd patch 
of soil at the Hawaiian Islands has been brought 
into requisition, and there is at present little sugar 
land to be found there which is not in cultivation. 



Indeed, it is the opinion of some experts that the 
maximum production has actually been reached, 
and that henceforth it will be gradually diminish- 
ing, until it reaches some settled average. Already 
the soil shows signs of exhaustion, and fertilizers 
are in good demand at the Islands. The coming 
crops will be grown from rattoons, the growth from 
the seed proving ton exhaustive for the soil. 

To the impartial there is nothing in all this 
which can be construed as a monopoly. 

The islanders, though well treated by our buyers, 
would not object to Eastern or any other refiners 
bidding for their crops. San Francisco would be 
glad to have one or more additional refineries upon 
this coast ; the grocers would certainly encourage 
any enterprise in that direction. Why this per- 
petual peevish cry of monopoly X Can it be possi- 
ble that our little prosperity has caused this fretful 
jealousy among the sister States? Provincial as 
we are, we are more generous. We are not jealous 
of New York, or Boston, or Chicago because of 
their superior advantages. We try in our small 
way to improve our opportunities, and are glad if 
others improve theirs. Is it possible that some 
stray number of a villifying newspaper has reached 
the East, and is it possible that there they give 
attention to what the Chronicle says ? Californians 
are foolishly prone to boast of their superiority 
over others. If they ever get to be foolish enough 
to boast of such things as the vilest slanderer, or 
the most unscrupulous liar, or the most mercenary 
newspaper in the world, they will be likely to 
bring the Chronicle into notice, and demand that 
its proud pre-eminence be conceded. 



PARAGRAPHS. 



Life is full of troubles, but none of them bring 
so keen an anguish to a diffident fat man's bosom 
as when he enters a street car, steadies himself 
carefully until he thinks the motion is restored, 
and then, when he is preparing to sit down, a final 
jerk of the cable deposits him in the lap of some 
lady passenger. Her glaring ferocity, the other 
passengers' merriment and his own consciousness 
of being a base wretch, make the cold shudders run 
over him for a month afterwards, whenever he 
thinks of his dreadful conduct. 



How many great men have passed away during 
the year gone by ! Thurlow Weed, Longfellow, 
Trollope, Emerson — all gone to that undiscovered 
country from whose bourne, etc. — and they say 
the man who writes the poetical advertisements for 
the Chronicle isn't feeling at all well. 



A tenderfoot in search of work was employed by 
a barkeeper to wait on his lunch-counter, and on 
one oocasion was called upon to relieve his employer 
during a temporary absence of the latter. Upon 
his return the substitute informed him that Jim son 
(a noted beat) had just " treated the house." "Did 
he pay V anxiously inquired the proprietor. "No, 
sir. He said he'd pay you next week, and as he 
went out he made a remark about 'his mind.' I 
guess he meant he'd bear it in mind." 



Professor of Law: "Now, Mr. Latehours, will 
you please follow up Mr. Brown' definition of an 
attachment, by telling the class what may be the 
object of an attachment?" 

Mr. L., who was out last night ; " I should say 
a fellow's girl, sir." 

Uproar in the class. Bysshe, 



The departure of the Princess Louise from Cali- 
fornia was precipitated by the officiousness of the 
Call's correspondent, who followed her to Santa 
Barbara, so that the fashionables of Natoma and 
Clementina streets might be kept an fait as to how 
she ate, talked and conversed, and whether her 
husband and herself were prone to those brawls 
this distinguish matrimonial life in a less exalted 
sphere. The good lady had no means of re- 
senting this persecution that placed a gaping oaf 
at her elbow to whip out his note-book every time 
she opened her mouth, and therefore fled to Texas 
for relief. There is really more courtesy in the 
ordinary cowboy than in hundreds of the sucking 
journalists that constitute the staffs of the dailies. 
There are some sensible men in the profession, but 
theirs is office work. The raw, green, cheeky 
youths are selected to give strangers a favorable 
impression of Pacific Coast journalism. 



YE FUNN1E MAN HIS WRITYNGES, 
Ye Theefe His Sheeres. 



A gentleman was talking to the owner of a ferocious 
bull-dog, and askt'd him the question, " Do you think 
your dog would be fond of a stranger ? " '* res," replied 
the dog fancier, " if he was raw, but he wouldn't if the 
stranger was cooked." 

Woman is never safe ; new perils are daily encountered 
by her. A Chicago woman lias been seriously injured by 
falling through the lap of a bow-legged man. Only $50,- 
000 damages will heal her wounds. 



An exchange says " the way to treat a boy is to get hold 
of his heart " ; but the old reliable method of getting hold 
of the boy's callar is not likely to give place to any new- 
fangled theories. 

The following paragraph shows how a writer of true 
genius can get the whole truth into a single sentence : 

A medical student while in the dissecting room filled up 
his pockets with a lot of ears, and fingers, and toes, and 
such, and then loafed around to the butcher's shop and 
slyly scattered them about in odd corners near the sausage 
machine, and customers comiug in saw them and were hor- 
rified, and demanded explanations, which the wretched 
butcher could not give, and the story of the scandal spread, 
and the whole neighborhood became aroused, and the 
butcher had to escape across roofs to avoid being lynched, 
and will never return to the city, unless brought back by 
officers to answer a frightful charge of murdering men for 
sausage-meat. 

A boy he would a-skating go, although his mother said 
him no. They fished him out of the ice and snow, and the 
coroner whistled and sang, " Oh, ho ! " 



The following reads as if it were intended for an alle- 
gory setting forth the fact that Californians are turning 
from mining to horticulture, and why : 

A man was putting a blast in a quartz ledge adjoining 
his orchard and it went off prematurely and blew him 
into an apple-tree about fifty feet away. In a moment he 
recovered himself, and remarking, "The Lord knows bet- 
ter than I do, after all ; I guess it's about time to go prun- 
ing," took a large pruning knife from his pocket and set 
to work. 



One St. Louis paper wickedly accuses another of hav- 
ing printed the Ten Commandments as original matter. 



First young lady — "I could sit here forever." Second 
ditto — " And I till lunch time." 

It was downright mean in the Philadelphia JYcws to s&y 
that " those who have seen Mrs. Langtry play 'Rosa- 
lind ' are of the opinion that unless she borrows somebody 
else's stockings to hang up on Christmas night she will 
get badly left." 



" God Bless our Boarding House " has never been 
worked in worsted. 



When a man tells a story he thinks is funny, and the 
crowd does not catch on, his face falls, naturally. It is 
affected by the force of gravity. 



If you judge of Brown's character by the broken um- 
brella he carries, you will form a poor opinion of Smith, 
for it is Smith's umbrella. 



" Who's that frizzly, black-haired woman, talking to 
my husband on the ottoman ? " " She's a Mrs. Cardo- 
gan." "Indeed ! She's good at flattering people, I should 
say, and knows how to lay it on pretty thick." "Ah . 
you infer that, no doubt, from her attitude and expres- 
sion." " Oh, dear, no ! from my husband's." 



" Gin ruins genius," says an exchange. Yes, but genius 
ruins a good deal of gin, so it's about a stand-off. 



It has been remarked that the man who says, "I should 
smile," generally manages to do so at another man's ex- 
pense. 



A member of the school board said in his remarks : 
" Well, children, you spell well and you read well, but 
you hain't sot still." 



Is it true that kissing is a cure for freckles ?— Edith. 

We should not think so, but at the same time a simple 
little recipe like this is worth trying. Call after business 
hours. 



12 



THE WASP. 



B. B. 

Pajaio, January 8, 18S3. 
Editor of the Wasp; Last week I said some- 
thing about oleomargarine and that something was 
printed in the Wasp. That which I said has waked 
up the talking and writing end of the bull butter 
machine, and what the machine says is printed in 
last Sunday's Chronicle. The oleomargarine man 
does not disprove anything of that which was 
printed in the Wasp. He does not even deny, or 
try to deny, that commercial tallow is about what I 
said it is. But he says that in his (or their) partic- 
ular factory only caul fat is used, and that every- 
thing is sweet and clean. Well, that is about what 
I thought Mr. Bull Butter would say. In fact, I 
strongly intimated that he would say that. He 
would like to say a good deal more if he thought he 
could find believers. I say again that oleomarga- 
rine can be made out of any kind of fat — even 
human fat. For proof of this latter statement of 
mine see "U. S. Dispensatory, 13th edition, page 
582." r offer this proof because it is easy to be 
found in any drug store, doctor shop or good pub- 
lic library. It is good proof, too ; about as good 
as can be got. Bull Butter Wilson in his speech at 
the Dairymens 1 Convention iu San Francisco, ad- 
mitted that b. b. could be made out of any fat. 
He also said that "fat is butter and butter is fat. " 
And he might have said with equal truth : carrion 
is meat and meat is carrion. There is, however, 
some odds between butter and fat — also, between 
meat and carrion — and this odds, though small, is 
awful — on a dinner plate. 

What is fat 1 It is the fixed oils of animals and 
things. Some things have it and some have not 

Of what is fat made ? It is made of oil, grease, 
and wax — or, in other words, olein, margarin and 
stearin. Of course there are a few other little 
things in fat, but these little things are not in issue 
at present. 

Now, to make oleomargarine you take the stearin 
out of the fat and you also take out much of the 
olein, consequently you have all the margarin and 
some olein left, which make olien-and-magarin — 
or, oleomargarine. This stuff can be made out of 
any fixed oil. A " fixed oil " is not a " fixed up " 
oil, but only an oil which is not volatile. Nut oil, 
animal oil, bug oil, root oil, bird oil, human oil, 
castor oil, goose grease, or the oil of strap,will make 
oleomargarine ; but ox tallow (as I said before) 
makes the best caricature of butter. The bull but- 
ter man says that there is no such thing in his 
factory as ox tallow — or rather he says that is what 
I "would have found." Oh, no ! He uses the 
" best and purest caul fat." And what is caul fat ? 
Caul fat is ox tallow taken from around the sto- 
mach. Caul fat is the better quality of entrailfat, 
and it is ox-fat, cow-fat, bull-fat — tallow. In a good 
beef-ox or cow, there is about, on an average, six 
pounds of caul fat which may make two pounds of 
bull butter. If there are killed in and around San 
Francisco 400 beeves per day (supposing the factory 
gets all the caul fat), that would give 800 pounds of 
oleomargarine per day, or a little over 8 boxes of 
"butter." But suppose the trade calls for 16 
boxes of butter per day, where then is the " best 
and purest caul fat" to come from \ That "best 
and purest" story is only a "new broom" to 
sweep away the surface dirt. 

When the caul fat has answered its purpose as a- 
decoy duck on the oleomargarine pool, then — 
presto, change! business is business and "fat is 
butter and butter is fat" — bring on your grease, 
And do not forget that human fat makes the very 
best quality of margarine — to which add a portion 
of oil with a sniff of cow's milk and you have oleo- 
margarine. 

Of course a " Cow's Attorney" cannot speak very 
scientifically, but he may be allowed to say that 
real butter, being the fatty extract of milk, would 
be cow- fat— ox- tallow — if the milk had gone into 
the calf instead of into the milking pail. By go- 
ing into the pail the milk retained its butyric— or 
buttery — power and flavor, which would have been 
lost had the milk passed into the tallow condition. 
If fact, butter is grass arrested while on its way to 
the calf; but oleomargarine is grass after it has 
passed into and through the calf ; when its fibre- 
making, bone-depositing power has been used up 
by the calf ; consequently, in short, butter is food 
and sustenance, while oleomargarine is an imita- 
tion of food from which the sustenance has been 
extracted. If fat is butter, it is butter from which 
the dead animal has already extracted the bone 



and meat, leaving only heat and lubrication. If 
butter is fat, it is fat plus bone and meat with heat 
and lubrication. Sdbe ? 

But fat is not butter. Fat — ox-tallow (caul fat) — 
does jiot contain butyrin ; therefore, it is not but- 
ter. Oleomargarine made from ox-tallow cantains 
mostly margarin, and margarin is not butyrin. 
No amount of gilt-edged twaddle, in the live daily, 
can make margarin into butyrin. Skim milk can- 
not do it, even though Messrs. Gafiey and Moore 
of Santa Cruz should confess all their sins to an 
imaginary interviewer. 

The ostentatious invitation to visit the b. b. fac- 
tory is declined by the "Attorney for the Cow," 
on the same grounds that he would decline to visit 
Dotheboy's Hall when Mrs. Squeersis on guard, or 
a county infirmary on Grand Jury day. The 
"A. f. t. C." is not very "fly,"but he is somewhat 
aged. 

Attorney for the Cow. 



A BURNINO SHAME, 

When I was first married my wife made a fool of 
me. She was named Celine, like a stage-heorine. 
My library, bequeathed to me from an old uncle, 
was full of precious books, folios, quartos, octavos, 
in venerable binding. My friends said, "Happy 
man to have such fine books !" 

As for Celine, she found fault about it from 
morning till night. I remember she fainted at the 
aspect of my Martial with a commentary variorum. 
and of my Juvenal uncut. No doubt a secret in- 
stinct told her that those two authors had more 
than once spoken ill of her sex. She insisted that 
they should be banished from my library. Instead 
of them I would find on my table at each hour of 
the day Cicero's De Amicitia and Gentil-Bernard's 
Art of Love. She had bad taste, my Celine, for I 
know nothing more insipid than Gen til-Bernard. 
What an icy lover! The garrulity of AmadU de 
Ganla is a hundred times more tolerable. 

One day when I was seriously occupied in erasing 
a comma in my Virgil (the comma was by Pen- 
nartz) she thought of a trick to vex me. She ap- 
proached without my seeing her and covered page 
27 of my Virgil with an enormous stain of ink. 

It was indelible ink ! 

I was petrified. I did not feel strength enough 
for rage. The perspiration dropped from my face. 
A mortal chill ran over me from head to foot. My 
heart conquered me. I fell in a swoon. While I 
uttered deep sighs, Celine made a hundred contor- 
tions, a hundred grievances ; she laughed like a 
fool. 

When I came to myself, a violent dispute en- 
sued. . I reproached her in terms full of bitterness 
for her abominable conduct. She on her part re- 
proached me for my neglect of her. This I could 
not. deny. I was silent. 

We quarreled for eight days. The 17th of Jan- 
uary arrived; it was my birthday and freezing 
weather. We had no fuel. That day I stayed 
away till midnight. When I returned a bright fire 
burned in the room and Celine waited for me with 
a book in her hand. The fire which warmed the 
chamber appeared to me a delicate attention on 
her part, and the book which she held in her hand 
a flattery which was to appease me. And then the 
idea came to me that she had perhaps pawned some 
of h«r jewels to buy the wood. That made me 
run to embrace her. 

We pardoned t a m other. In the midst of our 
mutual endearments she whispered in my ear that 
the fire which warmed us was made of Elzevirs and 
Company. She mingled with this information so 
many ingenious flatteries, so many naive graces 
that I exclaimed : 

" You have done well. To the devil with science ! 
We will think only of love. Madame Sevigne has 
said, " Science is a fool." 

And we united in singing Beranger's refrain : 

Let us warm ourselves, let us warm ourselves well. 

And that is why I have the ears of an ass. 
From the French. E. F. D. 



Professor Proctor, the astronomer, and learned 
professor, makes the announcement that the planet 
"Jupiter is in the state our earth was 34-, 000, 000 
years ago." Persons who are unable to remember 
that far back into the musty ages of the past, will 
be surprised to hear this. But if Mr. Proctor de- 
sires to excite sympathy for Jupiter, he should say 
that it is in the same state this earth is at present. 
— Peck's San. 



TALK ABOUT THEATERS. 



To judge by the reception of Cad, the Tomboy, it would 
seem as if the author had struck the key-note of success, 
though he has slipped and slid dangerously close to the 
edge of offensiveness. One scene in particular, that of 
the reception of " Robert Cobb," by " Mrs. Disbrow," is 
apt to call the blush of shame to the cheek of any lady, 
and could appear familiar only to those who are other 
than ladies. The play, though filled with slang and sen- 
sations, even to the introduction of a full-fledged bathing 
suit with a full-fledged girl inside of it, is quite entertain- 
ing and the different parts are well characterized by the 
performers. It abounds with variety business and cheap 
pathos, and fills an evening, as a not very refined pastime, 
quite acceptably. 

The company at the Bush Street Theater has been 
augmented by several additions, so as to present Harrigan 
and Hart's Squatter Sovereignty. This is certainly one of 
the most boisterous and thoroughly "wild Irish" sketches 
which has ever been conceived. There is a cowardly sat- 
isfaction in seeing real live dumb brutes, geese, chickens, 
pigs and goats suffer as much as, if not more than, their 
co-tenants, who only settle disputes so they may quarrel 
about something else, 

Yet, withal, there is an untamed humor which pervades 
their very fights, that makes one overlook the brutality of 
the proceedings, and causes a laugh in spite of one's self. 
The plot of the sketch and the different songs which are 
introduced are familiar to most readers, and it need but 
be added that the company appear in that piece at their 
best, to give guarantee of an hour full of hearty fun. 

Emerson's Minstrels appear with an entire change of 
programme, and offer a new attraction in the shape of 
very clever gymnastics by the " Thuzets." Their success 
is unabated. 

Youth, at the Grand Opera House, is played to ample 
and approving audiences, and may justly be considered a 
success. The mis en scene is capital, the tableaux are 
spirited and the acting far above mediocre. A new piece 
is in preparation, entitled, A Free Pardon. 

Last Sunday's performance of Odette, by the German 
troupe, was one of the most enjoyable of a very brilliant 
season. Those who were fortunate enough to attend upon 
that evening cannot easily forget that excellent perform- 
ance. All the parts were well done, and that of "Odette" 
bordered upon greatness. 

The last Philharmonic Concert deserves mention as one 
of the few entertainments which aim to improve and cul- 
tivate the public taste. If the different numbers were 
not all of even excellence, or their rendering not uni- 
formly faultless, there is yet much to be said in commen- 
dation for people who take pains and undergo the trouble 
to sudy such difficult numbers as Wagner's " Parsifal," 
and Beethoven's "Eroica." Such manifest efforts in the 
right direction are deserving of the warmest support of 
the public and the generous encouragement of active 
musicians. 

At the Tivoli Obcrnn is the progamme and is well at- 
tended. 

At the Winter- Garden, Voyage to the Moon, is soon to 
be replaced by Gilbert and Sullivan's lotanlhe. 



Ragbag thought he would get ahead of young Symonds, 
so he went to Gallagher and said : 

" Gallagher, Symonds has got a new story, and I hap- 
pen to know he is coming right down here to tell it to you. 
Now, I'll tell you the story, so when Symonds starts to 
tell it, you c*.n sing ' Auld Lang Syne ' at him. " And he 
proceeded to tell the story, and had got about half through 
when Gallagher said : 

"Excuse me, Mr. Ragbag, but I heard that story a year 
ago." ' 

Here is probably the shortest courtship on record : A 
miner in California fell in love with a girl at first sight. 
She was equally smitten with him, and the entire court- 
ship was ; " My pet." " You bet." 



THE DOMESTIC. 



Owing to the large demand for the Domestic Sewing 
Machines on this Coast Mr. J. \V. Evans, the agent for 
the company here, starts to-day for New York to arrange 
for the shipment of several car loads direct to this city. 



THE WASP. 



13 



UNPUZZUNG A DUTCHMAN, 



\ preacher who does uot believe in immer- 
sion for baptism was holding a protracted meet 
ing, and one night preached on the subject of 
baptism. In the course of his remarks; he said 
that some believe it necessary to go down into the 

water, and eu up out of it. to be baptised. Bui 

this he claimed to be fallacy, for the preposition 
"into,' of the Scriptures should be rendered dif- 
ferently, as it does not mean into at all times. 
"Moses, ' he said, " we are told, went up into the 
mountain; and the Saviour was taken into a high 
mountain, etc. Now, we do nut suppose either 
went int" a mountain, hut unto it. So with going 
down into the water ; it means simply going close 
by, or near to, the water, and being baptised in the 
ordinary way, by sprinkling or pouring. He car- 
ried this idea out fully, and in due season closed 
his discourse, when an invitation was given for any 
one so disposed to rise and express his thoughts. 
Quite a number of his brethren arose and said 
they were glad they had- been present on this occa- 
sion ; that they were well pleased with the sound 
sermon they had just heard, and felt their souls 
greatly blessed. Finally a corpulent gentleman, 
of Teutonic extraction, a stranger to all, arose and 
broke the silence that was almost painful, as fol- 

ll l\\ s 

" MUter Breacher, I is so glat I cash hereto- 
night, lor 1 haf hat oxblained to my mint som 
dings dot I nefer could pelief pefore. Oh, I ishso 
glad dot into does not mean into at all, but shust 
close py, or near to, for now I can pelief many dings 
vot I could not pelief pefore. We rent, Mr. 
Breacher, dot Taniel vos cast into de ten of lions, 
und com out alife. Now I neti'er could pelief dot, 
for de wilt peasts would ead him right off, but now 
it is fery clear to my mint. He vos shust close py 
or near to, und tid not get into dot ten at all. I III, 
1 ish so glat I vash here to-night. Again we reat 
dot de Heprew chiltren vash cast .into de tirish 
furnace, und dot always look like a big story, too, 
for dey would half peen purnt up ; but it ish all 
Main to my mint now, for dey vos shust cast py, or 
close to, do tirish furnish. Oh, I vash so glat I vos 
here to-night. Und it isli set dot Jonah vos cast 
into de sea, und taken into de wale's pelly. Now, 
I neti'er could pelief dot. It always seemed to me 
to pe a pig fish story, but it ish all blain to my mint 
now. He vos not into de wale's pelly at all, but 
yusht jumpt onto his pack und rote ashore. Oh, 
I vos so glat I vos here to-night. Und now, 
Mr. Breacher, it you will yusht exblain vun more 
passage of Scripture, I shall be, oh, so habby dot I 
vos here to-night. Der Biple says de vicket shall 
be cast into a lake dot purns in it tire und primstone 
always. Oh ! Mr. Breacher, shall I pe cast into 
dot lake if I am vicket, or yusht close py, or near 
to— yusht near enough to pe comfortaple ? Oh ! I 
hope you tell me dot I shall pe cast only yusht py, 
a goot vays off, und I vill pe so glat I vos here to- 
night." 



Comments on the middle aged gentlemen who 
occupy the orchestra chairs of the California 
Theatre to absorb the beauties of the ballet, are 
this Season noticeably few. The reason is not 

that the middle aged man has grown more virtuous, 

but that the ladies of the ballet are not lobe gazed 
upon with any sentiment akin to satisfaction. 
Phey ate without exception the homeliest lot of 
half-dressed females that have ever been permitted 

to desecrate the hoards of a theatre. Still there Is 
something pastoral about them. Not that they 
suggest the frisking lamb, but their resemblance to 
tiie gambolling cow is unique and striking. 



NORTHERN PACIFIC RAILROAD 

AND 

Oregon Railway and Navigation Co 

WITH THEIR UN] 
;.u.| Rail rranaiji 



Wit \ AWED ROUTES OF RIVER 

i"in h.ii, ill pactions of Mil.- Pacific 



Dayti 



liiinbhi In 1 1 ih 
it, the Palousc I 



,,ii, -.. i inatilla, r ndlol m, Walln 
und) , Snake lUver Points, and 



The Stock Report declared that tin- old Supervis- 
ors retired covered with honors, and deserve thj 
highest commendation for having served the city 
so faithfully. This is gall in the superlative de- 
gree. They did not serve the city faithfully, and 
the public know it. With a few honorable excep- 
tions, the career of these persons was marked by a 
succession of the most shameless jobs. Clumsy 
jobs, too, which will stand against them, should 
they ever aspire again to positions of trust. But 
they never will. They burned their ships, so far as 
public life is concerned. 



Strangers are fond of comparing this city to 
Paris, and our people to the Parisians. We re- 
semble the French in their vices only, and of the 
latter we have what the shop-keepers would call 
an exhaustive variety. French girls would not be 
seen on the boulevards without an escort, nor sup 
alone in their vicked oyster-rooms. But then our 
girls can take care of themselves ; so their mothers 
say. But the destruction of opportunity is, after 
all, the best safeguard for man or woman. 



ih 



1 1> lite IVimI d'OrcIHc Division To Ainaworth, Chcnoy, 

iratfuc, Spokane Kills, Lake Pcnd d'Oroille, ami all points in 
'dnhoand Montann ; 
Willamette Valley To Oregon City, Salotn, and 
ul eountrj ofSouthcrn Oregon ; 

lie Oolinublii Through the most [>icturcsqiu scene- 
in and Intermediate Points, 
Over l« Fii^ei sou ml To Tacoma, Olympla, Seattle, Port 
Townsend, Victoria and Bclingham Bay asection unriralod tor 
its delightful climate ami charming prospects. 

The Northern Pacific is the New Route 
for Montana. 



in 

[hut !l 
j to Ast< 



Ihlil 

direct U 


■ Stages comic 
r MK.soiila an 


itwith trains mi Clark's Fork Division, 
; all neighboring points, 






JOHN fVIUIR, 

Sup't of Traffic, Portland, Oregon. 


Sati 1 


'rail Cisco <tiii< 


e :m Montgomery St. 



Mr. Kalloch pretends to be much offended be- 
cause the Metropolitan Temple was used on Mon- 
day for a slogging match. Perhaps he might 
presume it was a desecration, but all good Chris- 
tians know better. The big organ never played to 
a worthier lot of sinners, and the platform was 
never occupied by a more godly gang than the 
gladiators who pounded one another for the amuse- 
ment and edification of Monday night's congrega- 
tion. There was no hypocrisy about them. 'They 
pretended to no moral excellence. They were 
simply toughs, and they hit as straight and hard as 
their skill and strength would permit. They were 
an improvement on Kalloch, and the steam that 
arose from their sweating bodies was an incense 
which purified every nook and corner of that Tem- 
ple from the nasty vapors of hypocrisy with which 
it was befouled. 



BURR & FINK, 



The newspaper correspondents of Sacramento 
seem convinced that their employers expect them 
to add the gift of prophecy to the talent for fur- 
nishing a history of the proceedings of the Legis- 
lature. We are very tired of those political pre- 
dictions. In nearly every case they are but the 
froth of the bar-room, the gossip of the tippling 
hangers-on, dressed up into a semblance of proba- 
bility. 



A man was exn mined before the Commissioner 
of Insanity the other day, whose malady was 
brought on by hair dye. As Mr. Pickering is 
spending the winter in some remote portion of .the 
Eastern States, we cannot warn him at present of 
the fate in store for him. 



A fair lady of more beauty than education was 
trying to tell the story of the engraving of Cor- 
nelia, mother of the Gracchi, returning her im- 
mortal response to the be- jewelled Roman matron. 
"Why, you see Cornelia was always bragging 
about those two boys, and a rich woman came to 
see her once and brought all her diamonds and 
things, and when Cornelia began to harp on the 
children as usual, the rich woman flourished her 
solitaires at her and said: ( These are my sons ! ' 
and I think she had the best family." 



EVENING SESSIONS. 

The Pacific Business College rooms, 320 Post street, 
are open frum 7 to 9, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and 
Thursday evenings of every week during the entire year. 
Instructson is given in book-keeping, penmanship, arith- 
metic, etc., etc. Young men, clerks, mechanics and oth- 
ers, unable to attend day sessions, will find it greatly to 
their advantage to join the evening classes. A good bus- 
ness education, which is an element of success in any pur- 
suit, may be obtained by studying evenings only. 

Liver diseases, headache and constipation, caused by 
bad digestion, quickly cured by Brown's Iron Bitters. 



620 Market Street, 

Opp. Palace Hotel Entrance, 



WHISKIES! 



To the Trade. 

We beg tn call attention to the following full lines of 
well-known brands of Rye and Bourbon : 

ItOUKBON. 

NELSON Fall 79 

MILLER. C: C January, 'SI 

I.KXIXI IT( IN Spring '80 

REDMOND Spring' 80 

L. VANHOOK Spring '80 

E. C. BERRY, Sour Mash Fall 79 

.Mi >X AKI 'H, Sour -Mash Spring '80 

WILOW RUN Fall '70 

it ye. 

HOESEY Spring 79 and '80 

NELSON Spring 79 

SHERWOOD Spring 79 

Ml INTICELLI I Spring '80 

MILLER Spring 'SO 

Agents for bonded goods from several distilleries. Sole 
Agents for 

Idolnlio Wolfe's Sclilcduin Aromatic Schnapps. 
Daniel lawrcnce and Sou's .Wcdiord Hum. 

Willow Springs Distilling Clo.'s Spirits and 
Alcohol. 
Kennedy's East India Bitters. 
For sale to the trade in lots to suit. 

WM T. COLEMAN & CO., 

t ier Market and Main Streets. 

SAN FRANCISCI ). 



Morris & Kennedy 

1 9 md 2 i Fost Street. 

Artists' IViaterials and Frames 

FREE GALLERY. 



S/TJC a week in your 
00 dress II. M.l I 



)wi] town. Terms and 
& Co., Portland, Maine 



i outtit free. Ad- 



Merchant Tailors. 



14 



THE WASP. 



WHO KILLED MORGAN, 



The recent move to raise a monument in memory 
of Free Mason Morgan has called up anew the 
question : " Who killed Morgan ?" An old citizen 
of Detroit was on his way down town yesterday 
when he met an acquaintance and seized the mo- 
ment to inquire : 

"I suppose you know they are going to erect a 
monument to Morgan ?" 

"Oh, yes." 

" Very mysterious death !" 

" So it was." 

" Generally believed that the Free Masons killed 
him ?" 

" Yps, some folks believe it." 

t( Let's see — I think you are a Mason yourself ?" 

"Yes." 

" Then you must ki.ow ?" 

" Well, I suppose I do." 

" Then, sir, I demand to know who killed Mor- 
gan ?" 

(< You don't want to know to-day, do you ?" 

"Yes, sir — right off." 

" The Mason beckoned the old man around the 
corner, looked all around to see that no one was 
near, and then whispered in his ear : 

" You won't give it away ?" 

"No!" 

" On your solemn word ?" 

"No !" 

" Then I'll tell you— I killed him myself !" 

"Sir, you are an infernal liar!" roared the old 
man. "Yes, sir; you lie, sir, and I won't have 
anything more to do with you." 

It will never be known who killed Morgan. If 
the people won't believe the murderer, how are the 
facts ever to come out 1 — Detroit Free Press. 




In the recent but now moss-grown holidays, a 
small boy accompanied his mamma to the sacred 
edifice on Christmas day, and having duly contem- 
plated the evergreen symbols in the chancel where 
triangles and trefoils demonstrated the .Trinity, 
vociferated unquenchably, " Mamma, do they say 
their prayers to the aces of spades and clubs ?" 



KIDN'EY-W0RT 



HAS BEEN PROVED 

The SUREST CURE for 



KIDNEY DISEASES,, 

Does a lame back or disordered urine indi- 
cate that you are a victim P THEN DO NOT 
HESITATE; use Kidney -Wort at once, (drug- 
gists recommend it) and it win speedily over- 
come the disease and restore healthy action.. 
| £» j«B J ag For complaints peculiar 
BndUl C3d to your sex, such as pain 
and weaknesses, Kidney-Wort is unsurpassed, 
as it -will act promptly and safely. 

EitherSes. Incontinence, retention o.'urine, 
brick dust or ropy deposits, and dull dragging 
pains, aU speedily yield to its curative power. 
43- SOLD BY ADD DRUGGISTS. Price SI. 



KIDMEy-^VDRT 



J. D. SPREGKELS & BROS., 

Shipping 2 Commission 

M ERCH ANTS. 

... AGENTS FOK.... 

iSpreckels' line of Hawaiian Packets, 

S. S. Hepworth's Centrifugal Machines, 

Reed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Covering. 
No. 327 Market Street, 

Corner Fremont, SAN FRANCISCO. 



&5T Cures with unfailing certainty 
Nervous and Physical Debility, Vital Ex- 
haustion, Weakness, Loss ol Manhood and 
all the terrible results of abused nature, ex- 
cesses and youthful indiscretions. It pre- 
vents permanently all weakening drains 
upon the system. 

Permanent Cures Guaranteed. 
Price, $=,50 per bottle, or 5 bottles $10.00 
To be had only of Or. C. D. SALFIELD, 
216 Kearny Street, San Francisco. 

TRIAL BOTTLE FREE, 
Sufficient to show its merit, will be sent to 
anyone applying bv letter, stating his symp- 
toms and age. Communications strictly 



CALIFORNIA 

Safe Deposit 

■ AND 

Trust Company 

32C MONTGOMERY STREET, 

San Francisco, C'al. 

Directors: 
j. d. fry, g. l. bradley, 

C. F. MacDERMOT, NICHOLAS LUNING, 

SAMUEL DAVIS, F. H. WOODS, 

LLOYD TEVIS, CHARLES MAIN, 

HENRY WADSWORTH, I. G. AVICKERSHAM, 

JAS. H. GOODMAN. 

J. D. FRY President 

C. R. THOMPSON (late of Union Trust Co. of New 

York) Treasurer 

WM. CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

DEPOSITS RECEIVED SIR.IECT TO CHECK. IN- 
terest allowed on money deposited for sixty days or longer. 

This Company will aet as Agent of Corporations, Estates, Firms 
and Individuals for the care of securities, Real Estate and Personal 
Property of all kinds, the collection of interest and Rents, and 
will transact business generally as Trustee for property and in- 
terests intrusted to its care 

Will aet as Transfer Agent or Registrar of Transfers of Stock 
and as Trustee under Trust Mortgages of Incorporated Companies. 

Will hold powers of attorney, and make eolleetiens and remit- 
tances, purchase Drafts, Bullion, Foreign Money, Exchange, etc. 
Buy and sell securities, make investments and negotiate loans. 

Rent of safes in Safe Deposit vaults from $2 to §20 per month, 
and from $12 to 5200 yer year. 



AMUSEMENTS. 




$5 to $20 



per day at home. Samples worth S5 free. 
Address STINSON & Co., Portland, Maine. 



DEALERS _IN FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

<|>7Q A WEEK. S12 a day at home easily made. Costly Outfit 
M)i^ f i"ee. Address True & Co. , Augusta, Maiue. 



AMUSEMENTS. 



Bush Street Theater. 

M. B. LEAVITT Lessee and Manager 

AL. HAYMAN Assoeiate Manager 

Every Evening (including Sunday) at 8 o'eloek. Wednesday and 
Saturday Matinees at 2 o'eloek. 

GREAT SUCCESS ! GREAT SUCCESS ! 

LEAVITT'S ALL STAR SPECIALTY COMPANY. 

DUDLEY McADOW, Manager. 
The greatest Vaudeville Combination in America. 



UraiKl Matinee Saturday at 2; 



Monday, January 15. -SQUATTER'S SOVREIGNTY. 

With Kelly and Ryan, Ferguson and Mack, 
Flora Moore and entire company. 

ADMISSION, - - - 50c. and -SI 00 
Matinees — 25c. 50c. and 75c. 



Baldwin Theater. 

JAY RIAL H. F. WEED 

Saturday, - - - January Kilt. 

FIRST NIGHT OF 

CAD, THE TOM BOY. 



Prices 25c 50c. 35c. $100. 

Gala Malincc Saturdays. Matinee I'm 
35c. 50c. 75. 

835" No extras whatever, jgg 



German Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie Genee 

SUNDAY, - - - JANUARY 14th, 

Last appearance but two of 
F E A N C I S (! A E L L M E Ji It E I C II 

In Bauernfeld's sparkling Comedy, in 4 acts, 

ROMANTIC 
and 
PRACTICAL! 

Katharinavon Rosen, FRANCISCA ELLMENREICH 

Reserved Seats every Saturday from 9 till 5 o'clock at 
Sherman & clay's and Sundays at the California Theater. 

Sunday, January 28th, farewell benefit of 
ELLMENREICH. 



Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and MaBon. 
K he ling Bros Proprietors and Mana^ur» 



Grand success of C. M. Von Weber's Spectacular 
Opera, 

o :b :e :e, o :r>r i 

Produced in the form of a 
CORGI Ol S HOLIDAY SPECTACLE. 

The handsomest Transformation Scene ever pro- 
duced in this city. A powerful Cast. 

Next week-LA TRAVIATA ! 



Winter Garden. 

Stockton street, between Post and Sutter. 
Stahl & Maack Proprietors 

Unbounded success of the Romantic, Spectacular 
Opera, 

Voyage to tlie Moon ! 

With its Grand and Beautiful Scenery, Startling 
and Elaborate Costumes and a Powerful Cast. 



Next production- IOLANTHE ! 



Grand Opera House. 

Chas. L. Andrews and L. R. Stockwell Lessees. 



Crowded houses at every performance of the 
eclipsing success, 



IT O TT T Jf3I I 



MATINEE WEDNESDAYS AND SATURDAYS. 



POPULAR PRICES : 
15, 25, 50 and 75 cents. 

£5TBox office now open. Single seats sold in boxes. 



THE WASP. 



15 



PACIFIC COAST STEAMSHIP CO. 

Steamers nf thUC'<tii)>any will s.u! (<v>m ['.r<> i ■ 1 -.\ :i_\ 

bWfaarf, San Pmnclsco, for porta In California, Ore- 
. port, Washington ami Idaho Territories, British 
Colombia and Alaska, as follows : 

<iillfornlii SniillH-ru COOBl KimiIc. The Steamers ORI- 
ZABA ami A\i'n\ Bail ever} Qvedaysat 9 a. k. for San Luis 
Obispo, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles and San Diego, as follows: 

ORIZABA, lOlb, 20th and BOtJ ucfa I Eh. U4CON, 6th, 

16th and 26th ol each month. The Bteamer SENATOR sails everj 
Wednesday .it s \. «. (or SanU Cnut, Honterej . S u. Simeon, Cay- 
ucos, Gaviota, Santa Barbara and sm Buenaventura. 

Ki-illsh Columbia ami Alaska ltuuli'. Steamship 
i.i RBKA, carrying r, s. Mails, sails from Portland, Oregon, 
on or about the 1st of each month, for Port Townsend, w. T., vic- 
toria, and Nanaimo, B. C, Fort Wrange), Sitka and Hanishurg. 
Alaska, connecting at Port Townsend with Victoria and Puget 
So u rui Bteamoi leaving San Francisco the 80th of each month. 

Vltiurla and Paget Sun ml Ronte. The Ste imeraGE< i. u 
ELDER and DAKOTA, carrying BerBrittaniclfajesty'sand United 

St a. • in lii-, Erall if Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at - p. m. 

on the 10th, 20th, and Until of eiieh month, for Vk-toria, H. C, Port 

■i. Seattle, Tacoma, Steilacooni and Olympia, making close 
connection witfi ateamboats, etc, for Skagit River and Cassiar 
Ulnes, Nniainn., New Westminster, ITole, sTtko and all other im- 
portant point*. Returning, leave Seattle and Port Townsend at 1 
p. m. on thu oth, luth .ui-i -'Mi hi ... 1 1 month, and Victoria (Esqui- 
mau! t) at II v H. "0 the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month. 
5 Riote.- When Sunday falls on the 10th, 20th or SOfch, Bteamers Bail 
ron i San Pram i-' OI1C day earlier, and from Sound ports and Vic- 
toria one day later than stated above.] The Steamer VICTORIA 
sails for New Westminster and Nanaimo about every twoweaks, as 
per advertisements In the San Francisco Am \ or Guide. 

Portland, Oregon, Route.- The.Oregon Railway and Navi- 
gation Company and the Pacific Coast Steamship Company dis- 
patch from Spear Street Wharf one of The steamships STATK <>F 

CALIFORNIA, OREGON or COLOMBIA, carrying the United 
States Mail and Wells, Fargo & Co. 'a Express, every Wethn sdaa 
and Saturday at io a. u. for Portland and Astoria, Oregon. 
Eureka and Ilumlmlilt Bay Route.— Steamer CITY or 

CHESTER sails from San Francisco for Gureka, Areata, Hook ton 
(Humbolt Bay) every Wednesday at 9 A. M, 

r«lnl Arena ami Mendocino Route.— Steamer CON- 
STANTINE sails from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 8 P. NT. 
every Monday for Point Arenas, Cuffey's Cove, Little River and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket Office, 214 Montgomery Street. 

(Opposite the Russ House) 

GOODALL, PERKINS & CO., General Agents 
No. 10 Market Street. San Francisco. 



Citizens' Ins. Co.. St. Louis, . Assets, $450,000 
German Ins. Co., Pittsburg, - " 350,000 
Farragut Fire Ins. Co., KT. T., - " 435,000 

Firemen's Ins. Co., Baltimore, - * 545,000 

Metropolitan Plate Glass Ins. 

Co., New York, . — . " 141,000 
Office- 210 Sansoiiie Street, S. F. 
E. P. FARNSWORTH & SON 

THE SOUTH BKITISH AND NATIONAL. 
W. J. CALLINGHAM & CO., 

No. 213 SANSOME STKEET, SAN FRAN0IS0O, OAL. 



BILLIARDS. 

P. LIESENFELD, Manufacturer. 

Established 1S56 

SOLE AGENT FOE THE ONLY GENUINE 

Patent Steel Plate Cushion, 

<.iiai:uiic.(i for Ten Tears. 

THE MOST ELEGANT STOCK OF BILLIARD AND POOL 
TABLES ON THE PACIFIC COAST. 

9 4 5 Folsom Street, 

NEAR SIXTH. 

Prices 20 per cent. Lower than any other House on 
Hie Coast. 

B3? SEND FOR A CATALOGUE. *^fi 

CARD COLLECTORS. A handsome set of cards-for 3-cent 
stamp. A. G. BASSETT, Rochester, N. Y. 



2:30 !r"i 

Gates. Tli 

4:30^ 



SOUTH PACIFIC^ COAST R. R. 

Oakland, Ahunetla, Newark, Sao .lose. Los t.alos, 
Glenwood, l-Ylton and Santa Cnu* 

PICTURESQUE SCENEKY, U0UMTA1K VIEWS, BIG TREES; 
Santa Clara Valley, Monterey Bay. Forty miles shorter to 
SANTA CRUZ than any other route, no change oi cars : no dust. 
Equipment and road bed Bret-class. PASSENGER TRAINS leave 
station, foot of Market street, B01 1 D BIDS, at 

8«Ofl A - M., daily, West San Lorenzo, WeatSan Luandro, Rub- 
■OU Bells, Ut Edon, Alvarado, Halls, Newark, Centerville, 

Mowrys, Al\is.>, Aiiinnis, Santa Clar;i. SAN .toSH, l.os Gatos, 
Alma, Wrights, Highland, Glenwood, Doughertys, Fulton, Big Trees 
and SANTA CRGZ, arriving 12 M. 

Express: Mt. Eden, Alvarado, Newark, Cen- 
so, A^news, Santa 1,'Iara, SAX .l« 'SIC ati'i Los 

ugn tu SANTA MUZ every Saturday. 

. (Sundays excepted), for sax josk and intormedi- 

(111 Sundays, Sportamcn'tt Train, 4:80 A. M. Return train 

UH leaves San .lose at ">:!."■ 1*. M., arriving at San Fraueisro. 7 :'.'•'<. 
EXCURSIONS TO SANTA CRUX AND ffv.'.r.o Tit, SAX 
Jose on Saturdays and Sundays, to return until Monday in- 
clusive. 

TO OAKLAND AMI ALAMEDA. 
§6:30— 7:30— 8:30— 9:30— 10:30 ll:S0A. M. *, 1-2:30-1:30— 2:30— 
8:80— 4:30— 5:80— fl:80— 7:30— 10:00 and 11:30 P. M. 

From Fourteenth and Webster streets. Oakland — §5:57 

—§6:57—7:57 B:52— 9:52 10:52 1[U:52 A. M. 12:52-1:5-2—2:52 

3:f.2 -1:52 ■■:;,•• w> Iii-U 1'. M. 

From lli-h street, Alailivda— §5.-45— §6;45— 7:45— 8:35— 9:35 
—10:35— 111:35 A. SI. 12:35 -1:35— 2:35— 3:35-4:35— 5:35— 6:35 
—10:05 P. SI. 

§Daily, Sundays excepted. *| Sundays only. 

Stations in Oakland, but two blocks i'rom Broadway, connecting 
with all street car lines, for Piedmont, Temeseal, University, Cem- 
eteries, etc. Time as short as by any other route. Try it. 

TICKET, Telegraphand Transfer offices 223 Montgomery street, 

S. F. ; Twelfth and Webster, Oakland; Park street, Alameda. 

A. H. FRACKER, R. M. GARRATT, 

Oct. 29. Gen'l Supt. Q. F. & P. Agt. 



14,799 Sold in 1881. 




Kluiwood, Ulenwtud, Hudson and Our Choice. 



rjON'T FAIL TO EXAMINE THE ELMWOOD, GLENWOOD, 
^ HUDSON and OUR CHOICE before purchasing a Range, as 
they are the latest improved patterns and made from selected 
stock. The smoothest eastings. The best bakers. Requires one- 
half the fuel consumed by ordinary Ranges. Three sizes of each 
Range ; twelve different styles. Has Patent Elevated Shelf, auto- 
matic Oven Shelf, patent Cheek Draft, Broiler Door, etc. For sale 
at same prices as common Ranges. Every one Warranted. Ask 
your dealer for them. 

W. S. RAY & CO., 12 Market Street. 



RUPTURE 

Relieved and cured without the injury trusses inflict, by 
Dr. J. A. SHERMAN'S method. Office, 251 Broadway, 
New York. Book, with likenesses of bad capes befcre and 
after cured, mailed for 10 cents. 



3 AND NOT WEAR OUT- 
These KEYS are sold 
by all WATCHMAKERS and JEWELFRS on the PACIFIC 
COAST. By Mail, 25 Cents. 

BIRCH & CO. 3fi Dey street. New York. 



220 

222 



BTJ£H STREET 



22. 
22t 



oKUf ORNiA_FUR A//r ^ 

The Largest Stock— The Latest Styles 

CALL AND SEE BEFORE PURCHASING ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



TO THE UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr. Gibbon's Dispensary. 

6 t ) i_> KEARNY STREET, SAN 
riO Francisco— Established 
In 185-t for the treatment and cure of 
Special Diseases. Lost Manhood, De- 
bility, or diseases wearing on body 
and mind, permanently cured. The 
si.- 1; and afflicted should not fall to 
call upon him. The Doctor has tra- 
veled extensively In Europe, and in- 
spected thoroughly the various hos- 
pitals there, obtaining a great deal of 
valuable information, which he is 
competent to impart to those in need 
of his services. DR. GIBBON will 
mabe no charge unless he effects a 
cure. PersonV~aTa"dJstance may be CURED AT HUME. All 
communications strictly confidential. Charges reson able. Call 
or write. Address DR. J. F. GIBBON, Box 1957, San Fran- 
Cisco. Say you Baw this advertisement in the WASP. 




(863. Only Pebble Establishment. 1882 




PEBBLE SPECTACLES! 




MULLER'S OPTICAL DEPOT 

135. Montgomery St., near Bush. 

Specialty for 32 years. Established, S. P., 1863. 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. 
The most complicated cases of defective vision 
thoroughly diagnosed, free of charge. 

Compound Astigmatic Lenses Mounted 
to Order 

»-AT TWO HOURS' NOTIOE.^a 



Dentsehc Ai»„<licl.,.. 



MALDONADO PHARMACY, 
36 Geary Street, 

EDWARD NEUMANN, 

rillim A4 1ST ami I'll EM 1ST. 



■'iiriiiacie Itnliaiui. 



-tihlAI WESTERN 



GUN WORKS, ■ 

Pittsburgh, 11 




■Itc Tor Laree Illustrated Catnloiruc. ^^^ ? j» 
{titles, Shot Orjnu, Revolvers, sent 0.0, <L for csttmlaatooo. 



CONSUMPTION 

worst kind itml ol' liui^Hlfitullnti lmvo been curcu. ltmeeil, no stionjr 
is my faith in its eilWv, iln>> I will send two bottles FREE, to- 
gether with a VALUABLE TKEATISK 011 ILi- disease, to iiuv snlYt-r. 
er. eivo Express & P.O. address DK.T. A. SLOCUJ1, 181 roiirl St., M.Y. 



I have a positive re- 
medy for che above dis- 
ease ; by its use EIiousf 
atids ol cases •>( the 



CARDS 



New Stiles: (Sold Beveled J£dge ana 
GhromoTisitiug Cards finest quality, 
largest variety and Unrest prices, SO 

chromes -with name: 10c, a present 

witheachorder. Uumtom Ueos. & Co., CllDtuiiville^onn, 



P APHQ SEND FIVE 3-CENT STAMPS FOll NEW SET OP 

UfinllOijmported cards. ■'" Umbellla." Whiting, 50 Nas- 



sau street, N. Y. 



AGENTS 



can now grasp a fortune. Out- 
tit worth $"10 iree. Address E. O. 
KIDE0UT &C0., 10 Barclay St., N.r. 



iy"QUR LITTLE BEAUTIES"-- 



Round and Pressed 
CIGARETTES. " 



Pure, Mild, 
Fragrant and Sweet. 



. ALLEN & GINTBR, 

Manufacturers, Blchmond, Va« 




ICOKL 1HE rglAILOR 



POPULAR PRICES! 



r POPULAR TAILOR! 



POPULAR STYLES ! 



Men's and Boys' Men's Furnishing Goods, 

M Ready-Made Clothing. _ And Fancy Neckwear. 

Samples with Instructions for Self-Measurement Sent Free. 816 & 818 Market Street, Sail Francisco. 



CHOICE WOOLEN 



NEW 

ENGLAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 




Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Cream Tartar anfl Bi-Carli. Soda 
NOTHING ELSE 

ta Bros. Ho. 



SAN FRANCISCO 



AN 
Extraordinary Razor 

fXAS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
J - L OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 
is so THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO EE- 
QURE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
glides over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
sharing quite a luxury. It is CREATING A 
GREAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
experts, who pronounce it PERFECTION. 
Two dollars in buffalo handle ; S3 in ivory. 
Even' Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
reverse side the name of NATHAN JOSEPH, 
641 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
the United States where they are obtained. Trade 
suppiied ; sent by mail 10c. extra or C. O. D. 

TIic Queen's Own Company having en- 
larged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
IVORY CARVING KNIVES, TABLE and POCKET 
KNIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
the same quality as their marvelously wonderful 
RAZOR. 



siBEBi^:sr db^ils-^im: 

CURES Catarrh, Astnrua, Croup, Coughs, Colds, Affec- 
tions of the Bronchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases of the Kidneys and Urinary Organs It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause. 

DEPOT. 415 MONTGOMERY STREET. For Mile by nil Drug 



:i«ls 



B. 



tsr Ask For 

ILLOWS DEER 

Brewed by 0. FAtTSS & Co. 
WILLOWS BREWERY. 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 19th Sts., San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR TO 

MASSEY & YUNG, 
NO. Got SACRAMENTO STREET. 

First House below Kearny. Sax Francisco. 



JESSE MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior in 

QUALITY. 




ihP, 



1,J 



MOORE, HUNT & CO., 

417 and 419 
I Market Street, 

San Francisco. 



C. Dewcese, Jr., 

San Francisco. 



JESSE MOORE & Co 
Louisville, Ky. 

H. IE. limit, 

San Francisco. 



Prentiss Selby, Sup't. 



H. B.~ Underbill, Jr., Sec'y. 



Selby Smelting; and Lead Co. 

MANUFACTURERS OF 

Lead Pipe, S <eet Lead, Shot, Bar Lead, Pig Lead, Solder, Antl-Frlctlon Tidal. Lead 
Sash Weights, Lead Traps, Block Tin, Pipe, Blue Stone, Etc. 

- - - San Francisco 



Office, 416 Montgomery Street, 

Refiners of Gold and Silver Bars and Lead Bullion. 



Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR THE^ 



DANICHEFTp 
Kid Gloves -*- 

ALWAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

FACTORY, 119 DUPONT STREET, 
Bet. Geary and Post San Francisco 



Charles W. Freeman Vincent A. Torras 

TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co. 
BOOK AND JOB 

Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, i 

Below Sansome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, French, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



w 



HITE ^OSE FLOUE 

MANUFACTURED BY THE 

Celebrated Hungarian Process. 



SST See local notice In another column. 



B-QI.D KElXTTJOKy WHISKEY.^ 



IMIVIOIVD'S 



IIIIHDMIIIIUIHUIIIII' 



NABOB 




THE BEST 

In the World. 

ask your 

Druggist or Grocer for it. 



«®"DEPOT, 429 AND 431 BATTERY STREET. SAN FRANCISCO. "W 



OCEANIC STEAMSHIP CO. 

J. D. SPKECLELS & BBO'S, 
:!'.•: Market Street. 

OWNERS OP- 

Spreckels' Line of Packets. 

Packages and Freight to Honolulu. 



DR. THOMAS HALL'S 




ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful Appetizer, giving tone and 
strength to the stomach, , and as a tonic bev- 
erage it has no equal; will cure Dyspepsia 
or Indigestion, Fever and Ague. Biliousness 
General Debility and kindred diseases. 

This tonic is most beneficial in its results ; 
it braces the system, creates an appetite, and 
destroys that wretched feeling of enuni 
which we constantly labor under in this 
enervating climate. The tonic for its medi- 
cal qualities excels any other ever offered 
to the public having taken the first 
premium at the fairs of Sacramento, 
Han Jose, Stockton, Oakland and San 
Francisco for absolute purity, made from 
pure California Port Wine, Wine of PepBin 
and Elixir Calisaya. £ST" For sale every- 
where t hr oughout the State. Depot at 
JAMES H. GATES' Drug store, corner New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Fran- 
cisco. 



- ° 

l <U < o 

G Q) 



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^^ HARDWOOD UMBER -- JohrL Wismore ' *®b 

*^ i • *\ ■ 1 t^ ¥ » ^^ \^ L^ I— \^ I V I \-J I— It. i»9 to 14J SPEAK STREET, SAN FRANCISCO. " 



DOANE & HENSHELWOOD-Popular Dry Goods House-132 Kearny St-a^S. 



fe^H. R. Williar.Jr. 



A. Carlisle. 






A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Station es, 

(226 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Francisco. 

H. HOESCH, 

Restaurant, 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco 

THE NEVADA BANK 



OF SAN FRANCISCO. 

Capital Paid Up - . $3,000,000 

- 4,500,000 



Reserve 1 . s. Bonds 




Throat, 



Catarrh, 



Agency at New York 6? Wall street 

Agency at Virginia, Nevada. 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers. 
Issues Commercial and Travelers' Credits. 
This Bank has special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 



ARTISTIC PRINTING. 

Every Variety of Plain and Ornamental 

ZPIRIZtSTTI ZLSTGr- 

Executed with Neatness and Dispatch at Lowest 

Rates. Orders by Mail receive prompt 

attention. 

E. C. HUGHES, 
511 Sansome Street, 

Corner Merchant. SAN FRANCISCO. 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 

P. 0. Box, 1886. 
Address: 




Lungs, 



Fevers. 



For CougTs, Colds, 
Whcopii g Coughs and 
all Throat affections 
it has no equal. 



FIRE- MARINE. 

The Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 



OF CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS $1,250,000 

HOME OFFICE: 

■S. W. Cor. California and Sansome Sis. 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
D. J. Staples, President. 

Alpheus Bull, V-ce-President. 
Wit. J. Dutton, Secretary. 

E. W. CARPENTER. Assistant. Sprrptarv 



VALENTINE 11 assume. (133 Washington St:, cor. Powell, S. F. 




PianoS 



Ohic&ering & Sons, Boston ; Bluthner, Leipzig; 
F. L. Neumann, Hamburg; G. Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS TO RENT. 

B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrell St, 

NEAR MARKET, SAN FRANCISCO. 



C F AIG & KREMPLE 

8U00ESSORS TO 

Craig and Son, 

UNDERTAKERS J 

And EMBALMER 

22 & 26 MINT A VENUNE. 

The finest Reception Rooms in the Sta e. 
All orders promptly attended to. 



J 



THOMAS DAY & CO. 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant — 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, -conces, Candlesticks, and 

Bouillottes. 

RARE BRONZES, BISQUE and FAIENCE WARE 

IN GREAT VARIETY. 



0. I. HUTCHINSON. H. B. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. California and Sansome Sts 

CASH ASSETS REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W. L. Chalmers, Z. P. Clark, Special Agents and 
Adjusters. Capt. A. M. BnrnB, Maiine Surveyor. 




FIRE and 

415 CALIFORNIA ST. 
Capital, ; ; 

OFFICERS 



MARINE. 

SAX FRANCISCO. 

$300,000 00. 

C. L.Taylor, President; J. N. Knowles 



Vice-Pres. ; Ed. E. Potter, See'v and Treasurer. Di, 
rectors— I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gustave Nie- 
baum, J. B. Stetson, J. J. McKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Dingley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



PACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO., 

Of Loudon, 
40G CALIFORNIA STREET, S. F. 



"The Baldwin.' 



This Hotel was completed and 
opened in May, 1877, and is con- 
ducted on the American Plan. 

Over 83,500,000 having been ex- 
pended by Mr. Baldwin in its con- 
struction and furnishing. 

The Baldwin is the most ele- 
gantly appointed Hotel in the 
world. 




Situated on Market Street, at 
the intersection of Powell and Eddy 
Streets, and fronting on four prin- 
cipal streets in the business center, 
it is convenient of access to and 
from all quarters of the City. 
Eight lines of Street Cars pass its 
doors. 

Hotel Coaches and Carriages in 
waiting at all Steamer and Railway 
Depots. 



The Leading Hotel of San Francisco, California. 



TOURISTS' HEADQUARTERS. 



Speeial Accommodations for Families and Large Parlies. 



Priees the same as at other Firsl.elass Hotels— $2 50 to $5 per flay. 



H. H. PEARSON, Proprietor, 



BRUSH HARDENBURGH, Chief Clerk, I 
M. A. FRENCH, CashIer. J 



Formerly Proprietor of " The Cosmopolitan," San Francisco. 



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'A 



VOL. X. 



SAN FRANCISCO, JAN. 20, 1889 



No. 338. 



For 
Breakfast 

AND 

Lunch 
Go to the 
Mew England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California St. 



HE CELEBRATED 

AMPAGNE WINES 

jBsra. Dbutz & Ueldermakn Av, en Champagne. 



CACHET BLANC- Extra Dry, 

In coses quarts and pints. 

CABINET GKEES SEAL, 

In baskets, quarts and pints. 

MM: 11 \ BED AND WHITE MINES, 

In cases from Messrs. A. de Luze & Fils. 

HOCK WINES, 

cases from G. M. Pabstniann Sohn, Mainz. 

tries Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
314 SACRAMENTO STREET. 



"Give my sua a literal etotion," 



;H O E D E H E R 

Champagne, 

Regular Invoices received direct from Mr. Loo is Roederer, Reims, over hie signature and 
Consular Invoice. Before purchasing, see that each case and bottle bears our name. 

MACONDRAY & CO , Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



donald McMillan, 

Manufacturer and Dealer in 

SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERS, 

ESSENCES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 
JU Front Street, 

(Near Broadway). SAN FRANCISCO. 



"White House" Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT HOLLAND GIN, 

FRENCH BRANDIES, 

PORT, SHERRY, Etc. 
In bond or dnty pnitl. 
GEORGE STEVENS, 
318 Front Street, Room 2, Snn Franclseo 




BOHT 



For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS. 



HAMBEELAIN & K0BINS0N 

PROPIUETORB. 



ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 

C OLLEGE. 
ggOjgtUr, 



r SEND FOR CIRCULARS 



Leopold Bro's 
ILORIST 

35 POST STREET, below Kearny. 
Bouquets, Baskets, Wreathes, Crosses 



S 



J 




s 

MOAT'V 

Street. 



lotographer. 



UN iraRY&co, 

WHOLESALE 

iUOR MERCHANTS, 

(22 and 824 FRONT STREET, 
FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



DOFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

1 2 and 12 3 Front Street, 

ALSO 

,mento, Stockton and Los Angeles 



James Shea. A. Bocqueraz. R. McKee. 

SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 

WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front and .InchHon Streets, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 


E. MARTI N & Co., 

Importers and Wholesale Liquor Dealers. 
"MILTON J. HARDY," 

"J. F. CUTTER," 
and " MILLER'S EXTRA " 

Old Bourbon Whiskies. 
408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



S G ~FT Ti "T T Z s 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOECRTING, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 



Diper Heidsieck 

r CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

214 California St., San Frnnclsco, Cal. 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior ! " 

c. z 1 3sr N" s , 

FASHIONABLE tailor, 

No. 5 Montgomery Street (Masonic Temple), 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



COLTON 

DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gas specialists for extracting teeth without pain.) 
HAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Buildi ng, 

ROOMS 6, 8 and 10, 

Entrance, 806 Market street. 

Dr. < II AS IV. DECKER, Dentist. 



EDWARD E. OSBORN, 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(American and Foreign,) 

320 CALIFORNIA STREET 

Correspondents in Washington, London, Victoria, 
Australia, Montreal, Berlin, Honolulu, Mexico. 



RICHAEDS & HAEEISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
N. W. Corner SANSOME and SACRAMENTO streets, San Francisco. 



A 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonio ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY & CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. P., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



lIANOj 

I First Class, 
Medium Price, 

FULL VALUE 

FOR YOUR MONEY 



Hazelton Bros 

HALLET & CUMSTON, 

A. M. BENHAM, 

CHAS. S. EATON. 
647 ^Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 




FINE OLD TABLE WINES. 



Houseworth's 

!Ph.ot ograplis 

Tbe Highest Standard of Exeellenee, 
12 MONTGOMERY STREET. 




Sole Agents for C. Conrad & Go's 

(°BUDWEISER BEER; ) 

1§§& Item &§§s 

WHOLESALE DEALERS IN 




321 MONTGOMERY STREET, 



San Francisco, Cal. 



Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

The Prize Boot and Shoe Maker, 

W 




t& Received 3 awards of CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGRICULTURAL SOCII'.TV ; also, 
MECHANICS' INSTITUTE, for the Best Work- 
manship. 



MEUSSDORFFER'S HATS ARE "THE" STYLES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



BUY YOUR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR OF CARMANY, 25 KEARNY STREET. 



CO 



09 



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L & E. EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & OO. 

Manufacturers, Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture and Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon, 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, ban Francisco. 

Fresh Bread delivered every day and cakes 

made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN CAV- 



IAR and WESTPHALIA 



HAMS- German 
A. REI'SCIKE. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

l»Itl" MOKOPOEE (extva), 

I,. UOEDEREU (sweet and dry), 
MOET * CHANDOJJ, 

TEIITE CLICQUOT, 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYE, "WORKS. 

(Johs F. Snow & Co.) 

ijg- Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

68S Market Street, Palace Hotel. 

No Branch Office in San Francisco. 

Ladles' & Gents' suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dyed without shrinking. 
(HAS. J. 1IOL.1IES, Prop. 





HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWERY WEST OF ST. LOUIS. 



JOHN WIELAND, 



Proprietor 



olters Brothers & Co 

Importers and Dealers In 



Wines and Liquors 

221 California Street. San Francisco 



Francisco Daneri. Henry Casanova 

F . DANERI & Co., 

Dealers in 
WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

2J and 39 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drunrm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



CAN fRANCISCOOTOCK DREWERT 

Capital Stock 
$200,000. 



OUR LAGER BEER BREW. 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WABB ANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATE. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 

Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 

MSMif^oWMtf 1 ^/ the Pacific Coast. 

5UM<J&-^RUD0LPH MOHR, Secretary. 



4*rV H "- 



WILLIAM F. SMITH 

(Oculist.) 



M. D. 



FORMERLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET, HAS 
removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 m. to 3 p. M. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 

WHOLESALE 

Provision Dealers, 

Nos. 114 and 116 Market street, 
Wos. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falco^r, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. M U I»0\ALI>, President. 

Enterprise Mill& Building- Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Boors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

317 to 225 Spear St., 218 to 236 Stnart St. 

Sas Feancisco, Cat... 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THB 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant. 

THE HANDSOMEST BINING-KOOM 

In the World. 
Win. F. HARRISON, Manager. 



PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION + 
IN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES. 




)<xxmo 



THE ONLY PRODUCERS 
OF NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 



530 WASHINGTON ST S.F CAL. 

8S*~None Genuine unless "bearing our name on Lubel and Cork._£=8 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NUNAN, Proprietor. . 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter snipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 



WILLIAMS, DIMOND & CO. 

SHIPPING AND 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNCTION MARKET AND PINE STREETS 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. S. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Cu- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Co.; the Hawaiian Line, 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited); 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the Bald- 
win Locomotive Works ; the Glasgow Iron Oo. ■ 
Nich. Ashton &■ Son's Palt. 




KOHLER & FROHLING 

626jnpNTGQMfgIST,^ 




Drink 

BOCA 

Beer. 



The Only 
LAGER 



L. P. DEGEN, Maker of 




Water Proof Leather Belting. 

13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 



A. FINKE'S WIDOW 




CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 



C H , 



A M P A G N 



Pure, delicious and healthful. J^ mm 
son MONTGOMEBY St., San Franelseo. 

H . N. COOK, 

Manufacturer of 
OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTING & HOSE. 

405 MARKET STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

know manning's 

Oyster Grotto. 



Established 1854. 

GEO. MORROW & CO., 

Ray, Grain and Commission mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS.. S. F 



Bonestell, Allen & Co , 

IMPORTERS OP 

IE? J±. U? IE ~El 



OF ALL KINDS. 



413 ami 415 Sansoine St. 



BEER 



Brewed on tlie Pacific 
Coast. 

Office: 
40C Sacramento Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



CALIFORNIA 

SuGAk Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Belinery, Eighth and Brannan streets. 

OLADS SPREOKEL8 President 

J. D. BPRECKELS Vice-Preident 

A. B. SPRECKELB Secretary 

THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. AB-OLFHE LOW, Presidedt 
Office— 308 California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 



.TRADE 

MARK. 



-^STANDARD LEATHER BELTING. A - 



O. COOK & SON, 

413 MARKET STREET, S. F. 



CVOL. 10. 



]J?338 




^^Kf^ANfGfl^CO, <JAX 2CTA 1883- 




FROM PILLAR TO POST 



THE WASP 



THE DISCOVERY OF GOLD, 



The fact was unimpeachable, the times were very bad, 
Stockbrokers grew demented, and jewelers went mad ; 
Storekeepers all asserted that they lived upon the brink 
Of utter, hopeless bankruptcy, and some began to drink ; 
Whilst certain bar proprietors of impious turn of mind 
Made sundry observations of an irreligious kind, — 
Observations, I may mention, much more ribald than 

refined. 

<• 
The lawyers all were busy, as at such times lawyers are, 
For sin and crime were commoner than now they are, 

by far, 
And auction-men industrious were in selling peoples 

sticks, 
■ And many Nob-hill families were thrown into a fix ; 
For over-speculation then in mine, and share, and stock 
Had almost brought this 'Frisco to what is called ' ' dead 

lock," 
And Fortune barred the door against the very hardest 

knock. 

Old Smith might say to Robinson : ' ' I've lovely bargains 
here," 

But Robinson would say to Smith: "Oh, come and 
stand a beer " ; 

Brown might persist in telling Jones he'd "something 
grand in view," 

But Jones would sigh and think upon the bills just com- 
ing due. 

Yes, things were very flat indeed ; folks longed for ' ' days 
of old," 

When California's atmosphere was redolent of gold, 

And anything and everything could be both bought and 
sold. 

All this was most depressing, and in melancholy tones 
So settled Messrs. Brown and Smith, and Robinson and 

Jones, 
And many, many others too, but none with sadder zest 
Than Mr. Jonas Jenkins, much more crushed than all 

the rest. 
Indeed the times with him had been exceptionally 

rough, 
And fate had smacked him in the mouth with many a 

cruel cutf , 
His ancestry was dubious, so about it he'd nt)t " puff." 

Ere Jonas's misfortune he'd a splendid residence 
Situated very boldly on a Nob-hill eminence ; 
Ere Jonas's misfortunes he was never known to mix ; 
With any common people, and he always dined at six ; 
Ere Jonas's misfortunes he'd^bme massive silver plate, 
And horses fine, and carriages, and serving-men to wait, 
And a pretty little useless lodge nigh to his garden gate. 

Miss Eva Jenkins had been used to fashionable balls, 
To yawn through stylish concerts and to ornament the 

stalls, 
To wear a double eye-glass which gave her eyes much 

pain, 
To look on all poor humble folk as worthless or insane, 
To associate with persons who were very gently born, 
To have a maid to help to put her clothes on every morn, 
And to flirt with 'Frisco's " quality" at tennis on the 

lawn. 

Mr. Nugent Howard Jenkins had been what is styled a 
swell, 

Though what a swell quite is, perhaps, it's difficult to 
tell. 

His cuffs were never known to be above his finger joints, 

And he never played at poker for ought less than dol- 
lar points, 

He'd sup with ballet ladies, and ne'er think it any 
crime, 

Then send them pretty presents with nice scented notes 
of rhyme, 

And lie in bed till ordinary persons' dinner time. 

He liked his hock and seltzer, didn't care for vulgar 

" beers ; " 
When fashion strolled on Kearny street he came there 

with his leers. 
He smoked (superfluous to say) the very best cheroots, 
And always wore drab gaiters over patent leather boots, 
He had a real gold toothpick, and a silver-mounted 

"crutch," 
In comic-song accompaniments he had a graceful touch, 
And San Francisco's pretty girls adored him very much. 



But luxury must lessen and'a fortune must wax thin, 
With piles of money going out and nothing coming in ; 
And twelve months brought the Jenkinses from hand- 
some house and land, 
To an unassuming tenement down by the bay's cool 
strand. 
: Ah, things are changed," sighed Jonas-, "through this 
(very bad word ) trade, 
And Eva wept profusely upon parting with her maid, 
Who wept still more profusely, her wages were unpaid. 

And Nugent changed his "circle" chair where he'd 
been used to sit, 

To occasional small drinking bouts in some saloon's rude 
pit ; 

He gave up ballet ladies, left uncurled his blonde mous- 
tache, 

And cut his old elaborate sticks for those of humble ash. 

His toothpick and his gaiters, his cheroots were quickly 
gone ; 

No dainty spotless linen could he see his way to don, 

But sadly took to flannel shirts with "dickies " fastened 



But matters with rapidity went on from bad to worsen 
And Jonas Jenkins soon found out the bottom of his 

purse ; 
The Sheriff took his furniture, each table and each 

. yhair, 
Untti the humble tenement of its last stock, was bare. 
The .sofa fetched three dollars, and the clock a trifle 

more, 
- For fifteen cents the towel sold behind the kitchen door, 
And'a very useful bedstead went for dollars only four. 

And after paying debt and costs, to Jonas thus bereft 
Was handed just one nickel. All the surplus that was 

left 
Of this poor coin, however, poor old Jenkins made the 

most, 
He melted it in literature and bought an Evening Post ; 
An article on hearses just appearing on that day, 
He read with satisfaction in a hazy sort of way, 
Then fell upon a paragraph, the which had this to say : 

*"'On Tuesday last an officer," so Jonas Jenkins read, 
' Lit on the body of a man indubitably dead, 
Within a dirty cellar which deceased had occupied, 
And in which we should imagine he unquestionably 

died. 
We hear the aged party just gone to Kingdom Come 
Was a very wealthy miser, and, tho' living in a slum, 
'Tis thought he must have somewhere left a very hand- 
some sum," 

A smile shone o'er the reader's face, its clouds began to 
clear, 
' I'll take that cellar, Nugent, boy, I'll take it Eva, dear. 
The rent's perhaps four bits per week, not more, one 

would suppose, 
Aud Uncle Hurris will lend that upon my underclothes. 
The fixtures will be trifling, but who is there to say 
How great the fortune in that cellar deftly hid away, 
I'll go and see the landlord — yes, I'll get the key to- 
day." 

The loan negotiated with the Uncle I've just named, 
Then Jenkins went and bought some tools, and, not the 

least ashamed, 
Pushed off unto the landlord, and a week's rent paid in 

hand, 
When all the Jenkins trio— such a very hopeful band — 
Went down into the celler, and then locked and barred 

the door, 
Then turned their iron implements upon the wall and 

floor, 
And prayed to find as much of wealth as they had 

known before. 

They worked and chiselled at the wall, and soon knocked 
out a chink, 

And on the other side they heard a sweetly welcome 
clink, 

Then Nugent put his hand within, drew forth a glitter- 
ing gem, 

Which Eva said was worthy of a monarch's diadem. 

Then followed as a guerdon for their trouble and their 
pains, 

Watches of the Waltham make and highly polished 
chains. 

Old Jenkins gave a war-whoop and sat down to count 
his gains. 



They summed up fifteen treasures, and they might 
have summed up more. 

When Bloggs, a jobbing jeweler, who had a shop next- 
door, 

Walked in with three stout officers, and spite of kicks- 
and yells, 

Hauled all the Jenkins trio off unto the "dungeon. 
cells." 

Not all the touching eloquence of lawyers the next day! 

Sufficed to get the Jenkinses in freedom sent away, — j 

A half a year in prison each poor Jenkins had to stay. ! 
—James Burnley- I 



THE RAGGED THIRTEEN, 



Did 



Devil Throw the Ace of 



I have always had a peculiar fondness for the 
number Thirteen. 

• If the cards are properly dealt at whist each 
player will hold thirteen, whereas if the dealer 
niake a blunder, some will hold twelve, some four- 
teen, and no one thirteen, and the deal passes; and 
when the unlucky dealer chances to be my partner, 
there is to me a weird significance in these facts. 
If at euchre we throw out all the cards except they 
face cards and one ten, there would be only thir- 
teen left in the deck, which would not be enough 
to deal five to each person, even playing cut-throat. 
If at seven-up one took in a ten and a king, he 
could count thirteen for game. . There is no com- 
bination of ten and three or eight and five which 
does not equal thirteen, and in cribbage a hand 
consisting of a six, seven, eight and two aces scores 
thirteen, and is called the ragged. I admit that it 
is womanish, but to be obliged to count this hand 
in a hurry always makes me shudder. 

I lounged into the club one evening, and, having 
nothing better to do, watched Grahame and Roch- 
ester playing this fascinating game. No ladies 
being present, the gayety was unchecked — not a 
syllable was spoken. 

I hoped demoniacally that Rochester would win, 
for I had played with Grahame the night before, 
and when I had the first count and a twenty-four- 
hand, he had malevolently pegged thirteen and] 
gone out. 

I watched the game with intense interest. Itj 
was nearly finished. Each had exactly thirteen to 
go, and Grahame had the deal. I felt safe in bet- 
ting thirteen cents on Rochester, although he had 1 
a way of getting nineteen-hands rather gruesome-; 
for his backers. Grahame dealt in thirteen seconds. 
I looked over Rochester's hand. He held a six of f 
hearts, eigth of clubs, seven of diamonds, ace of J 
hearts — only nine ! Another ace would carry hug 
out. I pushed the deck towards him to cut. He-? 
cut the ace of spades ! 

I met Grahame about a week later. 

"Jack," said he, " I am convinced that the devil 
cut that ace of spades." 

"Why?" said I. 

"Because," said he, "no one could beat such a 
player as I am without supernatural aid." 

" Oh, the devil he could'nt !" said I, and subse- 
quently I won from him thirteen games on thirteent 
consecutive evenings at thirteen dollars a game ! 
Foolano Argonatjticus. 



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form and can always be relied on as an effective cathartic 
and diuretic. Try it. 

S3T Dresses, cloaks, coats, stockings and all garments-) 
can be colored successfully with the Diamond Dyes.. 
Fashionable colors. Only 10c, 



Ask for "Brook's" machine cotton. Experienced op-j 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it. Glace 1 ' 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. "Machine! 
Cotton " printed on the cover of every box. For sale by ( 
all dealers. _ ^ 

Ladies of all ages who suffer from loss of appetite;] 
from imperfect digestion, low spirits and nervous debility 
may have life and health renewed and indefinitely ex- 
tended by the use of Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham's remedies 
for all complaints incident to the female constitution. 

Ladies and sickly girls requiring a non-alcoholic, gentle 
stimulant, will find Btowil's Iron Bitters beneficial. 



THE WASP. 



THE CAPITAL OF THE COMMONWEALTH.-I. 



Special Correspondence os thb Wasp. 



tiacranu rito, ./-in. }>'<, 1883. 

Your correspondent arrived the other day, bul 
having made a tour of the Theatre Comique aud 
Con. Mooney'a cock-pit with the San Francisco 
delegation, is unable to fix dates with that accu- 
racy that should lie the prominent virtue of the 
representative of a journal so vastly enterprising 
and universally respected. For some days after his 
arrival your correspondent, was entirely at sua, and 
wandered aimlessly round the lobbies of the Senate 
and Assembly, occasionally pausing to listen for an 
hour or two to the matchless eloquence of Senator 
Martin Kelly on the oleomargarine interests, and 
the fervid remonstrances of Senator Ryan against 
the deplorable practice of allowing goats to run at 
large in Siskiyou. At last even these edifying ex- 
hibitions of patriotism failed to interest him, and 
your correspondent found Ins list- of pastimes 
abridged to one melancholy pursuit — the hopeless 
attempt to discover the sinister motives of the 
public in electing legislators and sending them to 
Sacramento at a salary of eight dollars a day. The 
explanation that eight dollars a day would be a 
small sum to pay for the boon of getting many of 
the legislators away from their abiding places did 
not entirely solve the problem. A hundred cheap 
plans for decoying the dangerous statesmen might 
be suggested. For example, they might be induced 
to start a daily newspaper in Oakland, and thus re- 
duced to the lowest depths of poverty be left dur- 
ing the remainder of their days of starvation to 
wander along the shores of the bay, gazing hun- 
grily across the ferry they could neither wade nor 
swim. They might be enticed to the Farallones 
by the report that W. W. Stowe was seen landing 
there with a large sack. Many other expedients 
that suggested themselves convinced the corre- 
spondent that the motive in sending legislators to 
Sacramento was something beyond the mere desire 
of their unfortunate constituents to get rid of 
them. 

On the first visit of the correspondent to the 
Assembly, he had been startled by this strange 
apparation behind the clerk's desk : 




The correspondent's first impression was that 
some member of the barn-storming theatrical com- 
pany was there, had mistaken the Capital for the 
theater, and rolled in to take a part in Siberia. As 
the apparation caused no astonishment among the 
legislators, the idea that the weird stranger was a 
mimic nihilist gave way to a suspicion that he was 
an actual fugitive for the realm of the Czar. The 
correspondent was in the depths of his melancholy 
reflections when Senator Jere. Lynch, who had 
just been overjoyed by a false report that he was 
to be appointed on the Committee of Corporations, 
slapped him on the shoulder. 

"Hullo, Percy," cried the elated Senator, "come, 
I suppose, to look for the Adjutant-Generalship." 

Your correspondent reluctantly but firmly denied 
the flattering accusation, whereupon the tears 
rolied into the Senator's liquid eyes, and he drew 
out a daintily embroidered handkerchief that 
scented the whole Assembly chamber, and caused 
great distress to the members from Tar Flat. 

" I had hoped to find— in the representative of 
the Wasp at least one — one man — yes, one man 
who could tell the — the — -truth," said the Senator 
between the flaps of his handkerchief. " But," he 
added, " alas ! even chromo-lithographic journal- 
ism has not escaped." 

Your correspondent tried to relieve the distressed 
Senator by reiterating his confession of a total 
lack of ambition to shine in the brass buttons of 
an Adjutant-General, but the Senator's sorrow only 
deepened with the force of the assertion. 

" Pray, do not," said he, smiling sadly through 



his tears at the humor of the idea that any one 
should visit Sacramento without designs on the 
Adjutant- Generalship. " Pray, do not, he repeat- 
ed, and immediately changed the subject. 

" Have you seen the Governor V lie asked. 

four correspondent was anxious to see His Ex- 
cellency, and accepting the Senator's cordial escort 
proceeded to the Governor's private office. Your 
correspondent observed that a large track had been 
worn in the threshold of the Gubernatorial sanc- 
tum, and noted that a young man with eye-glasses, 
who sat in the outer apartment, wore a collar that 
was awry, and bore other marks that betokened 
his recent engagement in a former round contest. 
The young man nodded familiarly to the Senator. 
and laid aside his glasses to read a novel by 
"Ouida," while the Senator pushed open the door 
of the Governor's private oflice. As the door flew 
back, a man prematurely old and woefully sad of 
countenance, looked over a huge pile of papers in 
which he was inmersed. 




" It's the Governor," whispered the Senator to 
your correspondent, who thought the weary and 
woe-be-gone old gentleman was a distressed paper 
merchant examining his stock before going into 
bankrupty. 

Your correspondent bowed and gave a second re- 
spectful salutation as the Senator introduced him. 

" Governor Stoneman, Mr. Percival Gilhooly. " 

" Of what place ?" asked the sad eyed old gen- 
tleman, glowering over the huge rolls of paper 
which the correspondent's quick eye discovered 
were the petitions of applicants for office. 

" Of San Francisco," said your correspondent, 
and was about to add a delicate bit of flattery of 
the climate of Sacramento, but the old gentleman 
interrupted him fiercely: 

"Go away — go away ! the oflice is filled. It's 
filled, I tell you !" he repeated, reaching for a 
small pistol which lay among the pile of papers. 

When the Senator explained that your corre- 
spondent was merely representing the most digni- 
fined and enterprising journal of the metropolis, 
His Excellency grew less terrible, but the sight of 
a man from San Francisco plainly unnerved him 
and aroused his darkest suspicions, and not desir- 
ing to annoy him unnecessarily, your correspondent 
withdrew. In the rotunda this strange spectacle 




revived the unpleasant thoughts which your corre- 
spondent had entertained while gazing at the re- 



markable apparation behind the clerk's desk. The 
visions of a dark conspiracy were dispelled, how- 
ever, when the cordial Senator grasped the hand of 
one of the mysterious looking brigands and called 
him "John," and familiarly addressed the other 
as "Bill." After bidding the weird three adieu, 
the Senator stated that the brigandish looking 
assemblage was merely a friendly meeting between 
an oratorical editor from Oakland, the artist of a 
San Francisco weekly, and the plethoric personage 
who to the indecency of a low-necked shirt adds the 
notoriety of the name of "Mexico Bill." Attracted 
by affinity the three had struck up an im- 
mediate friendship, and as the correspondent 
took himself out of the glare of the artist's I X L 
diamond were sealing the bond of eternal re- 
gard by a proposition to step down to Chris. Buck- 
ley's bar in the cellar and shake for the drinks. 
On the way back to A .he Assembly to get another 
glimpse at the apparation behind the desk, a dark- 
haired legislator 




With a bundle of bills in his arms marked, 
"to abolish swearing," "to make mine-owning 
a felony," "to provide brown stone mansions for 
the indigent," and other moral and highly benevo- 
lent titles, stumbled over the Senator's varnished 
shoes and entangled the crook of his elbow in the 
Senatorial chair. 

" Hello ! Look out, Leverson !" exclaimed the 
Senator, and the gentleman of Hebraic nose and 
excited mien answered through his armfullof bills: 
"Beg pardon ; weally I'm wushed to death wun- 
ning awound after Lawoo, you know ; 'ave you 
seen 'im, you know ?" 

By this time your correspondent and the Sena- 
tor had reached the Assembly door and were in full 
view of the apparition behind the desk, but before 
the correspondent could inquire from Mr. Lynch 
the business of the strange personage, another ex- 
citing misstatement that he had been appointed on 
the Committee on Corporations reached the Sena- 
tor and he shot away through the crowded lobby. 
There is a rumor afloat that the mysterious person- 
age is an escaped tailor from San Francisco, who 
does clerical work, but the story is disbelieved. 
The greater credence is given to the statement that 
he is a secret agent imported from St. Petersburg 
by Clarence Greathouse to watch the San Francisco 
delegation during the session. 

Percival Gilhooly. 



Mr. David Bush is a living refutation of that 
lying slander, familiar in the mouths of property- 
owners as household words, " that plumbers have 
no souls. " For Mr. Bush, mourning over the black- 
ened ruins of the Park conservatory, even as 
Rachel mourned for her children, and refusing to 
be comforted because it was burned down, has 
started a Fund. This amiable citizen, with a weak- 
ness common to all great men, plumbers not ex- 
cepted, seems determined that his name shall go 
down to posterity in connection with the Fund. 
Therefore, his generous fellow-citizens are invited 
to contribute to this Fund for the reconstruction of 
the conservatory. It is not called the Conservatory 
Fund, or the Fioral Fund, or the Sleeping Watch- 
man Fund, or the Phoenix Fund. No, its name is 
the Bush Fund, for short, and the David Bush 
Fund when any particular euphony is desired. It 
may be a little harsh to insinuate that a desire for 
posthumous fame has anything to do with Mr. 
Bush's energy in this matter. But we have suf- 
fered so much, and humanity has suffered so much 
from the plumbers and gas fitters of this vale of 
tears, that we are unwilling to acknowledge the ex- 
istence of even a shred of virtue in any member 
of the fraternity. 



THE WASP 




PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY, AT £#0 AND 542 CALI- 
FORNIA ST., BELOW KEARNY, BY 

E. C. NACFARLANE & CO., 

Proprietors and Publishers. 

TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: 

One copy, one year, or 52 numbers So 00 

One copy, six months, or 26 numbers ----- 2 50 

One copy for thirteen weeks -- 125 

Postage free to all parts of the United States, Canada 
and British Columbia. 

The country trade supplied by the San Francisco News 
Company. 

Ail Postmasters are authorized to take subscriptions 
for the Wasp, payable invariably in advance. 

The following agents are authorized to receive subscrip- 
tions and advertisements for the Wasp: In Merced, 
Fresno, Tulare and Kern counties, Capt. J. W. A. Weight. 
D. G. Waldron, General Traveling Agent. 

Ho questionable advertisements inserted in this journal, 
SATURDAY, - - - JANUARY 20, 1883. 



The war for the preservation of the Union is 
being actively pushed in California. Our people 
are pretty slow to anger. They are like a pile of 
hard wood, which requires a deal of kindling, but 
once the mass is penetrated by the flame burns 
with a strong, steady slow exceedingly difficult of 
extinguishment. We didn't get very "mad" dur- 
ing the first four or five years of the Rebellion. 
Our first formidable blows at the Great Insurrection 
consisted mainly in the resignation of John Mc- 
Comb from the State militia—sometimes facetious- 
ly called the National Guard ; the forwarding of 
ceitain sample-sacks of prize potatoes to the Sani- 
tary Commission ; the fiery harangues of Thomas 
Starr King ; the thrifty demonetization of the na- 
tional currency, and the dispatch eastward of the 
California Hundred, in whose ranks Sam Backus 
rose to the dignity of corporal and fleshed his 
maiden sword in his foot, and all of whom, we be- 
lieve, returned with valor unimpaired each proudly 
exhibiting his own scalp as a trophy. But as the 
years went on and returning peace gave us leisure 
for battle, our warlike spirit blazed out an inextin- 
guishable flame. Our loyalists put fresh coals upon 
their loyalty, our rebels chucked new niggers into 
the furnance of their displeasure. And now the 
land is vocal of the clamor of combat — "the thun- 
der of the captains and the shouting." At every 
movement in the social or political field " the 
wonted roar," like the revelry of Comus' crew, "is 
up amidst the woods and fills the air with barbar- 
ous dissonance." We shonld not be surprised if 
by the time the present generation of Californians 
have passed one another away the whole face of 
the world would be changed. Indeed, it has-been 
changed already — by a serene, slow smile of de- 



For some years the main battleground has been 
at Berkeley, where the State University has served 
as a rat-pit for the glutting of the Regents' pur- 



poseless sectional animosities, until now there ap- 
pears to be no way of composing the strife but 
by abolishing the institution that provokes it. The 
latest direction taken by this unholy flame is to- 
ward Governor Stoneman's appointee to the office 
of Adjutant-General. In this instance the fire is 
urged by the bad breath of a ring of militia mal- 
contents, headed by the great Backus, who wanted 
a shrimp of their own catching — a man said to be 
named Laven. Governor Stoneman, however, pre- 
ferred General Cosby, a soldier, a gentleman and 
a man whom he knew. The circumstance that 
Cosby had been a Confederate officer did not count 
for anything with a man who had been himself a 
man of battle, not a man of picnic. The North- 
ern States, which gave most blood and treasure in 
the war, most quickly forgave those who had ex- 
acted the sacrifice. The veterans in the field 
divided their food with their prisoners, the Militia 
and Home Guards in the rear took from them that 
which the Government gave. Honor and duty are 
not more closely allied than generosity and cour- 
age ; by his treatment of the vanquished the brave 
man is as readily distinguished from the coward as 
by his attitude before the victor. In the light of 
his splendid military record General Stoneman can 
afford to ignore the differences that were his op- 
portunity ; these are important only to the small 
souls of little nobodies with neither a career before 
them nor a history behind ; thrifty patriots camp- 
following in the rear of conquest to plunder dead 
reputations and besmirch living ones ; prowling 
swashbucklers, who never resented a foul blow and 
never struck a fair one ; the Backuses, Dickinsons 
and Tharps — the accidents and ailments of society, 
incurred by our follies and inflicted for our sins. It 
is this kind flf yappeting whelpage that is now as- 
sailing the heel of Gen. Cosby by gratuitous ex- 
pressions of small animosity in the newspapers. In 
writing of them one is tempted to hold the pen in 
his toes for the satisfaction of making every up- 
stroke an energetic kick. 



We have always held that California's opposition 
to the Chinese bordered closely upon barbarism in 
spirit and persecution in act. It has been our be- 
lief, and slill is, that the mischief of Chinese immi- 
gia'ion and cheap labor was absurdly overstated ; 
and we know that no due deductions were made on 
account of certain indisputable benefits. As the 
utterance of disagreeable truth as we understand 
it is one of the most cherished functions of this 
journal, we have not scrupled at seasonable times 
to set forth these views with such iteration of state- 
ment and variety of illustration as seemed best 
calculated to make them wholesemely offensive to 
those denied the advantage of sharing them. With 
the Restriction Act, however, we find no fault. It 
seems to us about the only honest and manly anti- 
Chinese law that has ever gone on the books. It 
proceeded from the only body that had any au- 
thority in the matter. It did not propose to ac- 
complish anything by indirection. It took account 
of treaty obligations and the common rights of 
man. It had the assent of the Chinese Govern- 
ment and of the Chinese here, and by falling short 
of extermination offended the Irish — no small 
merit in a law. President Arthur's various "con- 
stitutional advisers 1 ' — whose official existence, by 
the way, does not happen to be recognized by the 
Constitution — are now engaged in obstructing the 
execution and minifying the benefits of this excel- 
lent law, and are making a mess of it. It forbids 
the Chinese to enter our ports ; they propose to let 
them in at one port on their promise to go out at 
another. How to hold them to the promise is a 
problem which old Folger has now the impudence 
to ask Californians to assist him in solving. We 



have the honor to suggest that they be sent across 
to San Francisco in gangs of ten thousand, each 
batch escorted by a constitutional adviser. On 
their arrival at San Francisco our people will see 
that the Chinese embark for Hongkong, and there 
need be no appropriation made for the return trip 
of the constitutional adviser ; we will convert him 
into a fine quality of oleomargarine to gratify the 
gullets of our dogs withal. 



There is a concerted movement on the part of 
the press and the mercantile community to procure 
the passage of an act to prevent the traditional 
robbery of ship-owners under the various forms of 
"port charges." There is not in the world a port 
where ships are plundered so pitilessly as here, The 
exactions of Algerian "harbor commissioners" in 
the pre-Decatur period were perhaps less moderate 
in sum, but they were more manly in method. 
Our authorities have studied as a science the pillag- 
ing which they practice as an art, and the profit of 
their theft they keep for their honesty. Now that 
the Southern Pacific Railroad Company is bending 
its benevolent energies to the task of making New 
Orleans the sea-port of California, and San Fran- 
cisco an emharcadero for the dried hides of Butcher- 
town, it is about time to put a stop to this dishon- 
est nonsense, or the enterprising teredo will soon be 
the only concern doing business along our wharves. 
The class-leaders in this revival of piracy for ex- 
horting the impenitent skipper appear to be the 
Goodall-Perkins crowd of tug-boat toughs. These 
ca/ronivorce have had an entire administration in 
which to pick the ribs of foreign ships, and ought 
by this time to be comfortably fat and amenable to 
the sweet suasion of yelling and rock-throwing, but 
they are not ; they have hooked their taluns into 
our commerce and propose to sit up with the corpse. 
By forcing the pilots into an unholy alliance they 
have doubled the charges, and taken for their share 
three halves of the increase. The Legislature has 
been memorialized against their exactions. Let 
some ambitious white-plumed La Mancha of debate 
respite his windmill and tackle these more eminent 
and imminent oppressors. If their outrages result 
in placing the whole matter of port charges in the 
hands of the General Government, where it ought 
to be, they will not have lived in vain though too 
long. 

The opposition to Salmi Morse's Passion Play 
appears to us to have no basis of common-sense. 
If the religion of Jesus Christ has so precarious a 
hold on the hearts and consciences of the Ameri- 
can people that Salmi Morse can loosen it we think 
the worship of Salmi Morse might advantageously 
be substituted for the worship of Jesus Christ. In 
this judgment we are not consciously influenced 
by the circumstance that he— Mr. Morse — was once 
the editor of this paper ; the position is one of 
great honor but not of sanctity in the religious 
sense. We cannot conscientiously affirm that Salmi 
was a very good editor, nor do we believe that he 
is now a very good Christian ; but a reformed 
journalist is under any circumstances entitled to 
considerate encouragement, and this one has not 
been given a fair deal. To hold that the prohibi- 
tion of the Passion Play is legal is to deny ail mean- 
ing to the term religious freedom. Will any one 
affirm the legal right of the civil authority to in- 
hibit a play representing a solemn incident in the 
life of Brahma, Buddha, Mahomet or Zoroaster ? 
The thing is illogical and absurd no end, and if 
Mr. Morse's persecution means anything it means 
the old thing — that " a factious band agree to call 
it freedom when themselves are free." The hot- 
gospelers of the Christian faith are " on top " in 
this country and mean to stay there by fair means 
awl foul. That is about all there is of it. 



THE WASP. 



PRATTLE. 



Besides his profession ol spreading the gospel, 
Dr. Hallelujah Cox lias another- that of making 
Republican speeches for money. He was always 
paid, but Senator Miller saw lit to reward him 
with a pension agency worth four thousand dollars 
a year in salary, and iis much as he could make out 
of the pensioners. As was to have been ex- 
pected, he lias been caught taking hack from an 
ailing veteran, with one hand what he had re- 
luctantly passed over to him with the other. So 
there is a fair prospect of the thrifty hypocrite re- 
ceiving at the hands of the public jailor a part of 
that reward of which the balance will be handed 
up to him by a glowing gridiron in the tenebreous 
realm of Jack Satan. In the sweet by-and-by 
Hallelujah Cox en brochette will be one of the 
daintiest dishes served to himself in Lower San 
Francisco. It is to be hoped he will enjoy the spit 
as much as his congregation have hitherto enjoyed 
his spittle. 



This oleaginous hypocrite lias also been com- 
pelled by a court of justice to refund to a weak- 
minded woman several thousand dollars which he 
had persuaded her to loan on the insecurities of a 
mining company, of which he was the President and 
she the mine. However, I know things about Dr. 
Cox so much worse than these that if he were con- 
victed of them he would plead these in mitigation 
of sentence. 



appearance of maintaining it— and of being an 
" enemy " to the Overland Monthly; though, as I 
am not a "contributor," Mr. Scott would seem to 

class me as its "friend." I am a friend to its 
merits, an enemy to its faults. Of these latter the 
chief is its existence, "supported by voluntary con- 
tributions." Whatever may be true of books, it is 
true of periodicals and journals that none fails 
which ought to succeed. The death of a journal is 
conclusive proof that it was not wanted. Sup- 
ported by factitious aids it has no representative 
character, supplies no demand, is not in any sense a 
part of the life and literature of its period and 
country— has no value or meaning. A people's 
literature is the outgrowth, the fruit and flower of 
that people's social life and intellectual needs. The 
Overland Monthly^ supported by voluntary contri- 
bution of work bv writers and money by Mr. Irving 
Scott, represents the ideas of its writers and its 
patron ; b t .t having no root it must, and ought to, 
fall. It is amazing that facts so simple should not 
be obvious. 



A telegram from New York significantly avers 
that an acrobat from California was brought into 
the General Sessions and sentenced to the State 
prison. It does not appear whether he was sen- 
tenced as a Californian or as an acrobat. Probably 
he had before been arrested as a Californian and 
released on bonds, and had jumped his bail. If 
that makes a man an acrobat this would be a 
mighty good place to pick up the raw material for 
a circus. 



I received last week the following invitation — if 
it is an invitation : 

"The contributors and friends of the Overland Monthly 
will be welcome, informally, at the residence of Irving M. 
Scott, 507 Harrison street, Wednesday evening, January 
17th. 

There are several reasons why I did not attend, 
and Mr. Scott will, I hope, consent to learn two of 
them. In the first place, his favor reads less like 
an invitation than a permission. Secondly, it is 
printed on a postal card, a kind of thing which has 
not obtained recognition in the exchange of social 
coui'tesies among gentlemen. Possibly the "con- 
tributors and friends' 1 are not fastidious as to how 
they are called up to the trough, but I, for one, 
prefer to munch my distant acorn, retaining such 
self-respect as is allowable to a pig of delicate sen- 
sibilities. 

In future communications on social matters Mr. 
Scott may profitably make them as other gentlemen 
do — under cover of an envelope and with some re- 
gard to the usages of well-bred men and women. 
He is rich, and most of the persons whom he has 
assured of a welcome without inviting them are not. 
He is a patron of the kind of literature that is 
supported — like private hospitals and editors' waste- 
baskets — by "voluntary contributions," while many 
of them are workers in that humbler kind which 
needs no patronage. Yet I discern in these condi- 
tions and relations nothing to justify him in send- 
ing them supercilious invitations printed on postal 
cards. 



What would be thought of the business sense 
and personal integrity of a man who advertised for 
sale the best brands of flour and begged his flour ? 
Suppose some man should set up a law office to sell 
legal advice — asking lawyers to contribute the ad- 
vice ! Might not these be pardoned for thinking 
his pretense of " encouraging lawyers " a transpar- 
ent sham ? Will Mr. Scott undertake to sell a 
good quality of machiuory, relying upon the zeal 
or vanity of iron-workers to make it for nothing, 
or for smaller wages than they can command from 
other employers ? In literature and art, as in 
everything else, you may be willing to pay a good 
quantity of nothing, but it will not procure you a 
good quality of something. 

All such projects as periodicals "supported by 
voluntary contributions," not of readers but of 
writers, debase the quality of literature by lessen- 
ing its rewards. They are not only superfluous ; 
they are mischievous. To cut down the compensa- 
tion for literary work is not the way to " encourage 
literature." Harte, in conducting the old Overland, 
attempted the impossible, but he attempted it in 
the only way that offered the faintest chance of suc- 
cess ; and the best merited rebuke I ever got he 
gave me when, in youthful enthusiasm I once 
offered " for the enccouragement of literature" to 
forego the payment for my monthly work in it. 
If I had not been a professional writer I presume 
he would have permitted me to accept my nothing 
—for that is what my work would probably have 
been worth. 



and his associates have so long and so earnestly 
minded ours that we have very little left that pays 
a cent — to us. Mr. Crocker is also pleased to be 
unhappy about oppressive taxation at the dictation 
of the Sandlot ; but with all our faults he loves 
our properly still, and will never desert us while 
there is any of it left that is transferable. Well, if 
we can endure our cross he ought to stand his 
crown, certainly. For California, too, has a 
grievance. It is Mr. Crocker. 

When Charley A. Sumner for Congress ran, 

It is clear he had never reflected 
That the sins of youth will follow a man 

Into office — if he is elected. 

The ballots no sooner had told the tale 

Than Mr. Choynski (all know him) 
Put all of poor Charley's poor poems on sale — 

Yes, every particular poem. 

And poor Charley Sumner now wildly tears 

His hair and refuses his victual ; 
He's weary of life, and he solemnly swears 

He'll die, the next time, while he's little. 

Take heart, O poor poet : 'tis not so bad, 
For only three books have been taken : 

One reader is dead and another gone mad, 
And nothing the third can awaken. 



There ought to be some stringent law regulating 
the publication of posthumous writings not in- 
tended for publication ; the greed of publishers ap- 
pears to be restrained by no considerations of de- 
cency in this matter. Here is the Century print- 
ing, under the title of " A Look into Hawthorne's 
Workshop," that great dead author's most private 
of all private memoranda — his notes for a romance 
that he never completed. Of course they are des- 
titute of literary value and interesting only to 
those vulgarly curious understandings which hold 
the details of William Shakspeare's private life in 
superior esteem as reading to those of John Jones 
—understandings which in art are equally de- 
lighted by a painter's finished work and his char- 
coal "sketches" and imperfect "studies." Un- 
fortunately, it is this class of minds that makes 
the laws and sets the intellectual fashions. 



' A most repulsive looking pat 
Of oleomargine is that," 

Said the butcher to the baker. 

' Of course : it is created," said 
The baker, as he daubed his bread, 
" In the image of it's maker." 



I suppose if Hawthorne were alive the publisher 
or editor of the Century would have the grace to 
blush if caught in a back yard boosting his fellow- 
men up to a window of the great man's workshop 
and charging them twenty-five cents a peep. If 
there is a moral difference between doing that and 
doing what he has done, it is distinctly in favor of 
the hypothetical iniquity and against the one ac- 
tually committed ; for not only would the specta- 
tors be fewer, but the show would be better. 



I am accused, sometimes, of lowering the dig- 
nity of my profession — though tit is has rather the 



Some Los Angeles patriot is said to be "taking 
steps " to have Governor Stoneman expelled from 
the Grand Army of the Republic for appointing a 
" rebel " to the position of Adjutant-General. The 
best steps for this impudent fellow to take are 
those leading down and out from an organization 
which, if he is too good to disgrace it, is so bad as 
to disgrace him. 



Mr. Charles Crocker has been dumping his mind 
into the ear of a New York reporter. Mr. Crocker, 
it appears, has a grievance or two, and rather than 
suffer in silence he will even incur the risk of 
stating them in Railroad English. He complains 
that "out. in San Francisco they mind other peo- 
ple's business too much." We must mind other 
people's business if we mind any, for Mr, Crocker 



If I were dictator I would make two offenses 
capital : the publication of anything that is not 
written with that object, the rejection of anything 
that is. This would make a clatter among the 
bones of publishers, but it would give Hector 
Stuart the grandest opportunity he ever had in all 
his life. 



Mr. Faull, of the firm of Merry, Faull & Co., is 
a brave man. He can face death to others with 
never a flinch. The other evening his packing- 
house got afire, and after trying hard to extinguish 
the flames his employees gave it up, and were about 
to save themselves. Mr. Faull was " equal to the 
occasion" : he promptly pulled down the ladder 
which was their only means of escape. They put 
out that fire. For this heroic act of his, Mr. Faull 
has received much tardy commendation in the 
newspapers, but the men owed him some kind of 
prompt recognition. They should have gone to 
him in a body, expressed their high admiration of 
his superior nerve and shot him. 

Ambeose Bieiice. 



THE WASP 



WOOD ENGRAVING. 



San Francisco, January, 13, 1883. 

Editok of the Wasp:— It seems odd that there are 
people of remarkably bright minds who constantly essay 
to appear superior in the very judgment wherein they are 
most deficient. The figure of a great comedian, with the 
ever-present, never-satisfied, longing for tragedy is not 
more grotesque than the confused art-strabismus of a man 
of letters. The journalists who has erected for himself 
some pedantic pre -Raphael ite standard for lines ; the 
litterateur who looks upon suggestive treatment, as he 
would upon imperfect tj'pe-work ; the reviewer who scans 
a picture orthographically, are cases in point. Anent your 
last criticism of the St. Nicholas illustrations, and the 
tendency of American vood-en graving, the above ideas 
rise involuntarily. Had your reviewer confined himself 
to criticising the propriety of publishing the efforts of 
amateurs, dilletanti and tyros instead of assailing new 
methods and original treatments, there would be no occa- 
sion for this screed. 

It is because he shows by his remarks a non-apprecia- 
tion of the very quality which elevated wood-engraving 
to the high artistic position which it occupies at present ; 
because he endeavors to discourage efforts to follow in the 
path of improvement by dwelling upon points of artistic 
excellence, intent upon proving them inartistic, gaudy 
and cheap effects ; it is because he affects such a superior 
air that I inflict myself upon you. 

It is not such a bad quality, that of hyper-criticism, for 
it makes a critical mind a conditition ; one cannot be 
hypercritical without first being critical, but the difference 
between the two conditions is the breadth of judgment of 
the one, and the corresponding narrowness of the other. 

Stigmatizing delicacy of lines, as timidity and consider- 
ing regularity as boldness, is not justifiable upon princi- 
ples of art criticism, they being simply the result of 
individual feeling and treatment. There may be styles of 
equal artistic merit, the one vague and sketchy, the other 
pronounced and elaborate, and the critic will have to 
judge not by the treatment, but by the general standard 
of artistic value. The diversity of subjects would neces- 
sitate a variety of handling ; thus an atmospheric effect 
would not be generally produced by the same treatment 
which is accorded to high lights. And yet for the sake of 
effectiveness the artist may use the same handling to ex- 
press either or both. What seems to worry your reviewer 
particularly is the attempt of engravers to express more 
than a mere black and white print. It is like the hungry 
man who is served with roast beef and potatoes when he 
only expected a cold potatoe. 

Why should wood-engraving not be made the vehicle 
for familiarising the differences between an etching and an 
oil sketch ? Why should the one branch of printing 
which admits of individuality be circumscribed by the 
cast-iron rules of typography ? Why grudge the public 
the only means to generalize and diffuse a knowledge of 
the difference in artistic treatment ? 

Reproductions of real works of art by the process of 
wood-engraving perform exactly the opposite function of 
reproductions by chromo-lithography. A chromo, if ever 
so faithful to the original, both in color and drawing, 
never fails to cheapen the effect, and always bears the 
pinch beck spuriousness, the brazen effrontery of a sham 
upon its face, while the print from a wood engraving of 
the modern school is simply the gray dream of an artistic 
memory which reflects the mood of an impression in so 
suggestive a manner that the imagination is animated, 
and all of truly artistic value becomes appreciable by be- 
holding the copy. 

The efforts of American publishers who have given that 
branch of art so much encouragement that the American 
wood-engraving of to-day takes first rank among the art- 
productions of the world, is worthy of the highest com- 
mendation; and I trust that you will grant the publica- 
tion of this slight tribute from one who has derived so 
much pleasure in observing its progress. 

M. T. 



We insert this letter, not because it has any intrinsic 
value— except in so far as by a study of its opening sen- 
tences the ill-bred may perfect themselves in impolite- 
ness — but because it is a capital example of the loose 
thinking and random expression peculiarly characteristic 
of the art-afflicted mind. This writer is no doubt honest 
and tries to mean what he thinks he thinks, but all that 
he makes clear is that he " feels" that an attack has been 
made upon the extremest (and therefore sacredest) devel- 
opment of the latest (and therefore wisest) sweet thing in 
art. To such minds as that of our correspondent the 



passing moment, be it occupied with whatever new method 
in painting, engraving, etching or what-not, is the cus- 
todian of the wisdom of the centuries. No transient 
abomination can spring up and obtain the currency that 
goeth before a fall into the dust-bin without commanding 
their entii'e approval and being " hailed" as " a creation." 
This gentleman would no doubt unhesitatingly approve 
that sum of all art-villainies, the modern French school of 
drawing, with its blotches, dots and gobs of black, its 
opaque shadows, its random scratches and "suggestive" 
omissions of those parts which uninstructed nature has 
seen fit to accentuate — a spectacle for gods and men and a 
candidate for the laughter of posterity. Happily he 
would not be able to formulate the grounds of his devo- 
tion : ideas incapable of expression must seek it darkly in 
terms incapable of definition. So almost universal is the 
incapacity of the understanding " artistically" inclined to 
manifest its vagaries that when some man like Ruskin or 
Hamei'ton arises, who to the accident of writing on art 
adds the mere capacity of expression, he is considered a 
prodigy of knowledge, simply because he knows the mean- 
ing of words, and is not compelled to discuss one art in 
the terms of another. By way of illustrating the typical 
irrelevancy of our correspondent's criticism, we append 
the remarks he criticises : 

The Century and St. Nicholas for January have been 
awaiting notice for some time. Both, as regards their 
letter-press, are excellent in their different ways, but we 
begin to tire of the smoothness, prettiness and delicacy of 
their wood engraving. Without any disposition to under- 
rate the substantial superiority of the wood engraving of 
to-day over that of ten years ago, we protest that the 
" revival" has gone about as far as it can affoi'd to go on 
the lines laid down for it, and there is great danger that 
the strength and spirit of the art will be refined away un- 
less a halt is called soon. 

Had our correspondent answered this awful judgment 
of our wicked book-reviewer by the statement that 
" Humpty dumpty is an abracadabra," we submit that 
his letter would have had greater relevancy and quite as 
much common sense. 



THAT PICTURE. 

Editor of the Wasp : Sir— You have inadvertently 
fallen into an error in regard to my picture, " The Last 
Spike." It was never in possession of Governor Stanford, 
and therefore he could not under any circumstances have 
sent it back to me. He never advised the introduction of 
Gen. Colton's portrait, nor did he in any manner suggest 
that it should be painted out. I did that entirely of my 
own accord three years ago when I learned that Gen. 
Colton was not present at the laying of the last rail, and 
was not connected with the affairs of the Central Pacific 
till several years after that event. The picture was only 
intended to include persons connected with the Central or 
Union Pacific railroads at the time of the occurrence, 
and among them, for this reason, Gen. Colton could not 
appropriately have a place. Very respectfully, 

Thomas Hill. 

San Francisco, Jan. 17, 1SS3. 



"We fancy Mr. Hill painted out Colton in order to sell 
the picture to Stanford. That it ? 



TO CORRESPONDENTS. 



G. B. G.— Too late for this week. "Will see about it. 

Daniel Fohman, Madison Square Theater, New York.— 
You surprise us ! We would have laid odds it would 
not succeed. We will lay odds you will not— in getting 
a free advertisement from us. 

"Dream of Love." — If in "looking over the papers of 
a diseased friend " you could find nothing better than 
this, you must be almost sorry he was taken sick. 

Jb\ A. G. — Awfully nice compliment. What can you 
want ? 

Jemima Spugoins. — We like you for a contributor. Your 
prudence in the matter of your real name, if you have 
one, and your thrift in respect of pen and ink spare us 
the trouble of reading your articles. 

A. H.— Hate you. Bet anything you are a woman. 



VEREIN EINTRACHT BALL. 

The Committee having in charge the Grand Masquerade 
to be given under the auspices of the Verein Eintracht, 
are making every preparation to have it the best appoint- 
e I of any heretofore given by this popular Society. It 
will take place at the Mechanics' Pavillion on Saturday, 
February 10th. See advertisement in next issue of the 
Wasp. 



DENTISTRY. 
C. 0. Dean, D. D. S., 126 Kearny street, San Francisco. 



iKPPtNE^N^jORT 



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CON STIPAT ION. 

Wo other disease is so prevalent in this coun- 
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equaUed the celebrated Kidney-Wort as a 
cure. Whatever the cause, however obstinate 
the case, thia remedy will overcome it. 
" E?& THIS distressing c< 
= Ei w ■ plaint is very apt to be 
complicated with constipation. Kidney- Wort 
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cures all kinds of Piles even when physicians 
and' medicines have before failed. 

C3TTf you have either of these troubles 



PRICE SI. I USE 



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GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, 

la a certain cure for NERVOUS DEBILITY, 
LOST M\NHooD, and all the evil effects ot 
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lilt. D1MIK, who la n regular physician, 
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will agree to forfeit Five llumli- <1 Dollars Tor 
ac.iseofthektnd the VITAL It 1 sjoil I 1 1 VE 
(uueier his special ndvioo ami truatmc"'.) will 
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S A ill 1 1,1'. BUTTLE FREE will be sent to 
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Jeremiah Wright, of Marion County, \V. Va., writes 
us that his wife had Pulmonary Consumption, and was 
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of Allen's Lung Balsam entirely cured her. He writes 
that he and his neighbors think it the best medicine in the 
world. 

Wm. C. Diggins, Merchant of Bowling Green, Va., 
writes April 4, 1881, that he wants us to know that the 
Lung Balsam has cured his mother of consumption, after 
the physicians had given her up as incurable. He says 
others knowing her case have taken the Balsam and been 
cured ; he thinks all so afflicted should give it a trial. 

Dr. MEREDITH, Dentist, of Cincinnati, was thought to 
be in the last Stages of Consumption and was induced 
by his friends to try Allen's Lung Balsam after the form- 
ula was shown him. We have his letter that it at once 
cured his cough and that he was able to resume his prac- 
tice. 

Wm. A. Graham & Co., Wholesale Druggists, Zanes- 
ville, Ohio, writes us of the cure of Mathias Freeman, a 
well-known citizen, who had been afflicted with Bronchitis 
in its worst form for twelve years. The Lung Balsam 
cured him, as it has many others, of Bronchitis. 

It is harmless to the most delicate child ! 

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Recommended by Physicians, Ministers and Nurses. 
In fact by everybody who has given it a good trial. IT 
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anyone applying by letter, stating his symp- 
toms ana age. Communications strictly 
confidential. 



3 DAYS' TRIAL FREE ! 

We send free on 30 days' trial Dr. Dye's Klectro-Voltaic 
Belts and other electric appliances to Men suffering 
from Nervous Debility, Lost Vitality and Kindred 
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<<riRST NIGHT OUT." New comic set of cards and price-list 
r mailed on receipt of 10c. WHITING, SO Nassau Street, 



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dress H. HalLkt & Co., Portland, Maine. 



THE WASP. 



A FAULTY LAW. 



Mr. James Wilson, the head malefactor of the 
oleomargarine iniquity, professes himself favorable 

to the law regulating the manufacture and sale of 
his wares, and in this we give him credit for sin- 
cerity. In order to Bhow what kind of a law it is, 
d hmv easy it is to drive a coach and four 
lOUght it in any direction, we present it here: 

i At t.i Prevent Fraud and Deception in tin- Manufac- 
ture and Sale of Butter ami Cheese. Approved 
March 2, 1881. 



"Justice, your Honor !" exclaimed a legal comet 
in one of his eccentric perorations, "is not like 
the fabulatcd Briareus of old, whose eyes were as 
multiplical as the sands of the sea, nor yet like the 
famed Cyclops whose eyes perforated only the 
arena of coming futurity, hut like the sportive 
demonstration of * blind man's bufl',' she pursues 
her way unseeing and unseen, holding the steel- 
yards that weigh with coeval vicissitudes the carats 
of gold and the carrots of horticulture, and know- 
ing no north, no south, no east, no west 1"— Bjhifl 
Sentin* I. 



'J'/" /'<■■/,/. of tin StaU of California, represented in Senatt 
•in-/ Ass< mhhi, do • nact as follows: 
Sei iioN 1. Whosoever manufactures, sells, or offers 
Egr sale, or causes tin.- same to Ijl- id me, any substance pur- 
porting to be butter ur ehuese, whieh Mth»tance is not 
made wholly from pure cream and milk, unless the same 
!.._■ manufactured under its true ami appropriate name, 
And unless each package, roll or parcel of sueh substance, 
And each vessel containing one or mure packages of such 
mibstanee, has distinctly and durably painted, stamped, 
-or marked thereon, in English, the true and appropriate 
name of such substance, in ordinary bold-face capital let- 
ters, not less than five lines pica, shall be punished as 
[in", ided in Section 3 of this Act. 

Si i. '_'. Whosoever shall sell any such substance as is 
mentioned in Section 1 of this Act, or causes the same to 
be done, without having on each package, roll, or parcel 
so sold, a label attached thereto, on which is plainly and 
jfligibly printed in English, in Roman letters, the true and 
appropriate name of such substance, shall be punished as 
is provided in Section 3 of this Act. 

SEC. 3. Whosoever shall violate Section 1 or Section 2 
of this Act, shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and shall 
1 > ■ - Mm ;d in any sum not less than $10, nor more than $500, 
or imprisoned in the County Jail not less than 10 nor 
more than 1)0 days, or by both such tine and imprison- 
ment, in the discretion of the Court; provided, that 
nothing contained in this Act shall be construed to pre- 
vent the use of skimmed milk, salt, rennet, or harmless 
coloring matter in the manufacture of butter and cheese. 
Sec. 4. AH Acts and parts of Acts in conflict with the 
pi"\ Isiona of this Act are hereby repealed. 

Sec. "». Th's Act shall taked effect on and after its 
passage. 

The defects of this law are obvious. It is a law 
against selling oleomargarine as butter, not against 
Serving it. The whole wording of it shows that the 
Legislature had in mind not the business of the 
hotel-keeper and restaurateur, but the business of 
the manufacturer and grocer. It is true that serv- 
ing butter at a restaurant is, in a Bense, selling it ; 
although that view of the transaction may be con- 
troverted by the fact that no charge is made for 
butter at any restaurant ; and it is extremely un- 
likely that any Court would hold, say Mr. Alexan- 
der Sharon, of the Palace Hotel, to accountability 
as a seller of butter. To conspicuously mark by 
label or stamp, in the manner contemplated by this 
law, each pat of butter served at a hotel, restau- 
rant or boarding house table is clearly impractica- 
ble, and was as clearly never intended to be re- 
quired by the authors of this law. This is a matter 
that needs amending; oleomargarine does its mis- 
chief in all kinds of places — wherever people eat — 
but it is at the hotels and restaurants that its use 
as butter should be chiefly guarded against by law. 
An immensely large proportion of our people 
habitually board at these places — a larger propor- 
tion than in any other of the world's cities, and 
they have rights which their caterers should be 
made to respect. 

Hotels, restaurants and boarding houses where 
oleomargarine is used should be compelled to post 
up conspicuously notices to that effect. This would 
ruin their business, it is granted, but it ought to 
be ruined. Stringent penalties should be provided 
for bettering the morals of those caught serving it 
to customers without displaying the required dan- 
ger signal. At many places where it is not served 
at table it is used in the kitchen ; so it would be 
well to make the mere having it on the premises a 
misdemeanor in those who do not tiy the bull but- 
ter flag. 

Granting that the dislike of oleomargarine is a 
mere senseless prejudice (though we think we 
showed last week that it is not) yet no good pur- 
pose can be served by depriving thousands of peo- 
ple who feel that way of genuine butter. That is 
what the oleomargarine sharks have done, practi- 
cally, for he is a bold man who to-day dares to 
lubricate his swallow with anything set before him 
as butter in a hotel or restaurant in San Fran- 
cisco. 

It is to be hoped that some member of the Legis- 
lature will take this matter up and introduce a bill 
for the amendment of the present loosely drawn 
and wholly inadequate law. It would be a popular 
measure, and would endear its author to every man 
who can afford to keep a stomach. 



A citizen of Austin, who has been traveling in 
Europe for the past year, returned not long since, 
and he is surprised at the changes that have taken 
place during his absence. In talking with a friend 
about the changes, the returned traveler asked : 
"Is Miss Esmeralda Chase still engaged to young 
Conkling?" "No, the engagemedt is broken off. " 
"You don't say so? How ^id that happen?" 
( ' Well, you see they got married six months ago. 
That broke off the engagement." — Tesas Siftings. 



Nervous debility, the curse of the American people, im- 
mediately yields to the action of Brown's Iron Bitters. 



A NOTEI> HUT UNTITLED WOMAN. 

[From tlio Boston Globe.] 




Messrs. Editors : — 

The above is a good likeness of Mrs. LydlaE. Pink- 
ham, of Lynn, Mass., who above all other human beings 
may be truthfully called the ''Dear Friend of Woman," 
as some of her correspondents love to call her. She 
is zealously devoted to her work, which is the outcome 
of a life-study, and is obliged to keep six lady 
assistants, to help her answer the large correspondence 
which daily pours in upon her, each bearing its special 
burden of suffering, or joy at release from it. Her 
Vegetable Compound Is a medicine for good and not 
evil purposes. I have personally Investigated it and 
am satisfied of the truth of this. 

On account of Its proven merits. It Is recommended 
and prescribed by thebest physicians in the country. 
One says : " It works like a charm and saves much 
pain. It will cure entirely the worst form of falling 
of the uterus, Leucorrhcea, irregular and painful 
Menstruation, aU Ovarian Troubles, Inflammation and 
Ulceration, Floodlngs, alt Displacements and the con- 
sequent spinal weakness, and is especially adapted to 
the Change of Life." 

It permeateB every portion of the system, and gives 
new life and vigor. It removes faintness, flatulency, 
destroys all craving for stimulants, and relieves weak- 
ness of the stomach. It cures Bloating, Headaches, 
Nervous ProBtration, General Debility, Sleeplessness, 
Impression and Indigestion. That feeling of bearing 
down, causing pain, weight and backache, is always 
permanently cured by its use. It will at all times, and 
under aU circumstances, act in harmony with the law 
that governs the female system. 

It costs only 81. per bottle or six for $5., and is Bold by 
druggists. Any advice required as to Bpeclal cases, and 
the names of many who have been restored to perfect 
health by the use of the Vegetable Compound, can be 
obtained by addressing Mrs. P., with stamp for reply, 
at her home in Lynn, Mass. 

For Kidney Complaint of either sex this compound is 
unsurpassed as abundant testimonials show. 

"Mrs. Pinkham's Liver Pills," says one writer, "are 
the best in Vie tcorld for the cure of Constipation, 
Biliousness and Torpidity of the livei. Her Blood 
Purifier works wonders in its special line and bids fair 
to equal the-Compound in its popularity. 

All mustfrespect her as an Angel of Mercy whose sole 
ambition is to do good to others. 
Philadelphia, Pa. (2) Mrs. 



PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 

The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 1881 
59,182 barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in this city. (See Official Report, 
U. S. Internal Revenue, January, 1882.) The beer from 
this brewery I huh ii I'luitic Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 

— ■♦ ^ -♦ 

No family should be without the celebrated White Rosa 
Flour, mode from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaum & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
Btreete, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. L, Cook & 
Co., comer Grove and Laguna streets, Reddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder & Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd & Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withram, corner Davis and Clay streets. 




. M.D. 



Catarrh, Wlpoopiiig- 

t'oiigli, Loss or Voice. Inclpieui Coiisiuu|>liuii, and a 
Throat ami Lung Troubles. 

In nine cases out of ten, one dose taken at bedtime will 
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of INFLUENZA, COLD IN THE HEAD or CHEST. 
For Loss of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and Incipient Consumption, a longer sse of it is 
required to effect a permanent cure. 

ASK FOR THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam, 

AN© TAKE NO OTHER. Price, 50 Cents. 

J.R.GATES & Co., Druggists, Prop'rs. 

417 Saiisome Street, cor. Commercial, s. if. 



TO THE UNFORTUNATE. 
Dr. Gibbon's Dispensary. 

£* O O KEARNY STREET, SAN 
\^y <<** £j Francisco— Established 
in 1864 for the treatment and cure of 
Special Diseases. LostManhood, la- 
bility, or diseases wearing on body 
and mind, permanently cured. The 
sick and afflicted should not fall to 
call upon him. The Doctor has tra- 
veled extensively in Europe, and in- 
spected thoroughly the various hos- 
pitals there, obtaining a great deal of 
valuable information, which he is 
competent to impart to those In need 
of his services. DE. GIBBON will 
--" i mi In' no charge unless he effects a 
Persons at^'dTstance may be CURED AT HOME. All 
communications strictly confidential. Charges reaonable. Call 
or write. Address DR. J. F. GIBBON, Box 1957, San Fran- 
cisco. Say you saw this advertisement in the WASP. 

DEALERS IN FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 




MAKE HOME BEAUTIFUL! 



The 



House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of Art. 
Largest Stock of Wall Papers in the City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO., 

645 Market Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE Ok COLOR. 







LOOK OM THIS PICTURE- 







THEN ON THIS 



10 



THE WASP. 



WHISKIES! 



To the Trade. 

We beg to call attention to the following full lines of 
well-known brands of Rye and Bourbon : 

BOOCBON. 

NELSON.... .■ Fall 79 

MILLER. C. C January, '81 

LEXINUTON Spring '80 

REDMOND Spring' 80 

L. VANHOOK Spring 'SO 

E. C. BERRY, Sour Mash Fall 79 

MONARCH, Sour Mash Spring 'SO 

WILOW RUN Fall 79 

KVE. 

HORSEY .".Spring 79 and '80 

NELSON Spring 79 

SHERWOOD Spring 79 

MONTICELLO : . .Spring '80 

MILLER .Spring '80 

Agents for bonded goods from several distilleries. Sole 
Agents for 

I riolpho Wolfe's Seliiertnm Arouiatie Schnapps. 
Daniel Lawrence and .Son's Hertford Kiuii. 

Willow Springs Distilling t'o.'s Spirits and 
Alcohol. 
Kennedy's East India Hitters. 
For sale to the trade in lots to suit. 

WM T. COLEMAN & CO., 

Corner Market and Main Streets. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



SACRAMENTO ADVERTISERS. 



CALIFORNIA 

Safe Deposit 

AND 

Trust Company 

33« >iovn;«mi:iti STREET, 
San Francisco, Cal. 

Dl R E C TO RS : 
J. D. FRY, G. K BRADLEY, 

C. F. MacDERMOT, 



SAMUEL DAVIS, 
LLOYD TEYIS, 
HEXRY WADSWORTH, 



NICHOLAS LINING, 
F. H. WOODS, 
CHARLES MAIN, 
I. G. WICKERSHAM, 



JAS. H. GOODMAN. 

J. I>. FRY President 

C. R. THOMPSON (late of Union Trust Co. of New 

York) Treasurer 

WM. CUNNINGHAM Secretary 

DEPOSITS RECEIVED SUBJECT TO CHECK. In- 
terest allowed on money deposited for sixty days or longer. 

This Company will act as Agent of Corporations, Estates, Firms 
and Individuals for the care of securities. Real Estate and Personal 
Property of all kinds, the collection of interest and Rents, and 
will transact business generally as Trustee for property and in- 
terests intrusted to its care 

Will act as Transfer Agent or Registrar of Transfers of Stock 
and as Trustee under Trust Mortgages of Incorporated Companies. 

Will hold powers of attorney, and make colleetiens and remit- 
tances, purchase Drafts, Bullion, Foreign Money, Exchange, etc. 
Euv and sell securities, make investments and negotiate loans. 

Rent of safes in Safe Deposit vaults from §2 to $20 per month, 
and from $12 to $200 yer year. 



; ' - 'HEMRV TIETJEN. 

'.U.HENSY AHRENS.ycJo.v. 'tH.-V.BORSTEL. 



A;.-.;.; "l4e.0 i -l434-."Sfe"'PiNE ST NEAR POLK 









Moiris & Kennedy 

19 and 2i Post Street. 

Artists' Materials and Frames 

FREE GALLERY. 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul- 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. £5TThe most extensive establishment on the 
Pacific Coast. Eastern office, SS Wall street, New York. 



BRUCE HOUSE, 1018 J STREET, bet. 10th & 11th, 
Sacramento, Cal. P. C. Smith, proprietor. Board 
and Lodging, per week, §5. Board, per week, $4. 
Meals, 25 cents. S3T All kinds of cold and hot drinks on 
hand. 



OLAUSS & WERTHEIMS' BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment. Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J street, Sacramento, Cal. 



DR. MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
ereases the appetite, prevents indigestion, strength- 
ens the system, purifies the blood and gives tone to 
the stomach. S3f No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K street, Sacramento. 

FOUND AT LAST— AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of Hah- to Bald 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color. I warrant this Restorative 
as harmless. ilSTPrepared and sold by Henry Fuchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. F. Richards & Co. , wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS. 



GOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECOM- 
mended by all who use them for their effectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. AST His California 
Rheumatic Cure has no equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 



GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES— W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm Produce; Fruits at wholesale ; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
JtSTOne of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 



GW. CHESLEY, 51 FRONT STREET, SACRA- 
mento, Cal., importer and wholesale liquor dealer, 
1 sole agents for the genuine Rock and Rye, Maple 
Rum and the famous Cundurango Bitters. 



HWACHHOEST (Signof theTownClock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
* elry and Silverware. Established since 1850 and 
well known all over the Coast for reasonable prices and 
superior quality of goods, SS' Watch repairing a specialty. 
Care given to the selection of Bridal, Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 J street (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, Cal. 



LK. HAMMER, 820 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
CaL, agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
' Organs. A complete%tock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on hand. 
B£T Strings a specialty. 



PACIFIC WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS, J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento. 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels, 
Gears, Bodies, etc. 83TA. large stock constantly on hand. 



SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER, IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1850. 422 J street, Sacramento. &5T Clocks, 
Watches and Jewelry repaired with great care. 



STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
S6 to $12 per week. Family Rooms, SI to S2.50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H. Eldred, proprietor. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR " SPEERY'S NEW 
Process Flour " — the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, San Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co. proprietors. 



AVON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
& Southworth, proprietors. 



THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street, 
Marysville. C. H. Gilman, proprietor. iJSTThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. The originator of 
the " One Price " — goods being marked in plain figures. 



WM. M. LYON {SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 
Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



BURNHAM'S ABIETENE. NO COMPOUND 
but a pure distilation from a peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds, etc. Sold by all druggists. 

CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NOAK, 
agent for the best California Windmills and Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. 0. Box, 312. S& Send for price list. 

EAGLE HOTEL. TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board $4 per week. 
Board and Lodging, 85 to 86. Per day, SI to $1,25. 
Meals, 25 cents. £2T Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H. Allen, proprietress. 



FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer, importer and dealer, cor. Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. 33T Illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application. 



GREAT REDUCTION. STOCKTON IMPROVED 
Gang Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ; 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom and warehouse, cor. El Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Globe Iron Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail. John Cajne, sole proprietor. P. 
O. Box, 95, Stockton. 



GRANGERS' UNION OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL- 
ley. (Incorporated May 14, 74.) Importers and 
dealers in Agricultural implements and a full line 
of General Hardware, Nos. 280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 
ton, Cal. 

C. SHAW. PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 

Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 

• Stockton Gang Plows, Farm and Spring Wagons, 

Hardware, etc., etc. Office and warerooras, 201 and 203 

El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
* dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc. No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 

H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
• Odd Fellows' Block, Stockton, Cal. 



M 



ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal. 



PACIFIC COAST LAW, MERCANTILE AND 
Patent Agency. Joshua B. Webster, attorney at 
law. Practice in all Courts, State and Federal. 
Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
Practice, including Patent and Copyright Law. £3T Prin- 
cipal office, Room No. 1, Eldridge's Building (opp. the 
Courthouse) Stockton. 

TOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, §500,000. Deposits payable in 
time or on demand. Pays 5 per cent, interest after 
30 days. Domestic and foreign exchange. Transacts gen- 
eral banking business. L. U. Shippee, president ; F. M. 
West, cashier. 

HE PACIFIC ASYLUM, STOCKTON. SETHIS 
Private Asylum for the care and treatment of men- 
tal and nervous diseases is where the insane of the 
State nf Nevada have been kept for several years, the 
patients being lately removed to Reno. The buildings, 
grounds and accommodations are large and its advantages 
superior. For terms, apply to the proprietor, Dr. Asa 
Clark, Stockton. References, Dr. L. C. Lane, San Fran- 
cisco, and Dr. G. A. Shurtleff, Superintendent State In- 
sane Asylum, Stockton. 

WILLIAMS' BALSAMIC CREAM OF ROSES 
is unsurpassed for beautifying the complexion and 
making the skin soft and nice. It is just the thing 
for chopped hands. For sale by all druggists or dealers 
in fancy goods. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

THE GERMAN SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
For the half year ending December 31st, lSS2,the Board 
of Directors of The German Savings and Loan Society 
has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at the rate of 
four and thirty-two one-hundredths (4 32-100) per cent, 
per annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of three 
and six-tenths (3 6-100) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Taxes, and payable on and after the 2d day of 
January, 1883. By order. 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 



I have a positive re- 
medy for the above dis- 
ease ; by Its use tuous- 
of the 



CONSUMPTION 

worst kind and of longstanding have been cured. Indeed, so strong 
is my faith In Its efflcacv, that I will send TWO BOTTLES FREE, to- 
gether with a VALUABLE TREATISE on this disease, to any suffer- 
er. Give Express & P.O. address DR.T. A. SLOCUil, 181 Pearl Sl., N.Y. 

QE 4*/"v QtOfl ^ ler ^ a ^ a ^ home. Samples worth §5 free. 



$72 



Address Stiksox & Co., Portland, Maine. 



A WEEK. 512 a day at home easily made. Costly Outfit 
free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



THE WASP. 



ii 



CHEMISTRY AND ADULTERATIONS, 



I 



In preceding articles we have endeavored to show 
what sort of unwholesome ingredients and disgust- 
ing compounds are sold as a Bubstitute for butter. 
The misleading representations and unsubstantiated 
assertions of the manufacturers of oleomargarine, 
who endeavor to prove that their product is whole- 
some, that their compound contains all the ingre- 
dients uf genuine butter, that their process of man- 
ufacturing eliminates all objectionable features, are 
Quite as spurious as the article which they attempt 
to .-t-ll fur consumption. When they assert that 
beef-fat, tallow or suet contains elements identical 
with butter made from cream, they state what is 
not true. Their process of manufacture itself is a 
direct refutation. After winning an oleagenous 
substance from tallow, they find it necessary in 
order to give it the semblance of a butter-taste to 
add 20 percent, of milk, whereas if tallow-oil were 
really btityrine there would be no necessity for 
milk to flavor it with. Every chemist, every medi- 
cal practitioner knows, and all people of common 
sense cannot doubt it, that the fat of mammalia is 
no more like butter than the tissues of these ani- 
mals are like the vegetable which they feed upon. 
The process of deglutition and digestion which dis- 
integrates the milk wherewith the calf is nourished, 
results in chemical changes at which the different 
functions uf the organism actively assist, and the 
fluid food thus changed into various organic solids. 
Blood, mucus, tissue, fat and bones, all originate 
from that first form of mammalian nourishment. 
Milk contains therefore an admixture of all these 
organisms combined, and not a single one of the 
above organisms contains all the elements which 
constitute milk. 

In other words, milk which has passed through 
the laboratory of the digestive organs cannot be 
led back to its original properties by conversion of 
one of its chemical changes. It may be urged that 
milk is not butter. We reply that all that is not 
water and fibre in milk is butter. Oleomargarine 
as a substitute for cooking-fats would not be so ob- 
jectionable, if, as in England, the industry were 
under the direct supervision of the authorities, 
who watch attentively that no impure or tainted 
matter is used. Here where there is no limit to 
the vile quality of the material used for its man- 
facture, except the selfishly mercenary "motive to 
furnish an article which will sell at a profit, the 
consumer has no warrant as to the wholesomeness 
or fitness of the raw material which is to produce 
oleomargarine. So far, our efforts have been di- 
rected solely towards the deception practised by 
dealers upon consumers, when oleomargarine, pure 
and simple, has been offered for sale under pretense 
of being "dairy butter." There is, however, quite 
another phase of the business, and that is the adul- 
teration of genuine butter by an admixture of oleo- 
margarine, and that uf cream adulterated with 
margarine for making butter. 

Already some dairymen have been found, who 
are corrupt enough to be blindtd by and cupidity use 
margarine as a part of their stock in trade. The 
practice is not a new one. Holland dairymen have 
for some time drawn largely upon the margarine 
factories of this country and those of England 
for their supply of the coveted adulteration. Since 
the margarine can be bought for about 15 to 17 
cents per pound, and butter is worth about double 
that amount, the people engaged in the manufac- 
ture of butter derive a considerable profit from the 
adulteration, and it is reasonable to suppose will 
not be urged by any conscientious scruples to fore- 
go that advantage. 

The profit from adulteration is likely to outweigh 
any other consideration, and it is to this end that 
we feel it a duty to urge the passage of a law which 
will make it a penal offense to manufacture oleo- 
margarine from any but pure fat, and to punish 
j any attempt to conceal the disposition made of the 
product. It should become the duty of the au- 
thorities to superintend the manufacture of the 
article and its disposal ; and any one engaged in 
using margarine as an adulteration of butter-stock 
should be held liable under the law. Milk and the 
different products which have milk as their basis, 
are, with the exception of eggs, the only animal 
food fit for human consumption which are not won 
by brutal butchery ; and to taste pure dairy-pro- 
duce with all its rich fragrance suggests the green 
pastures and the gentle creatures who banquet 
there ; the meadow, rich in clover, the cows with 
their beautiful fawn-eyes gazing dreamily upon the 
intruding stranger ; the limpid pool in the cool 



shade of the oak, with groups of cattle slaking 
their thirst ; the glorious sunshine flecking the lit- 
tle narrow path with golden leopard-spots, as it 
breaks through the rifts in the denss foliage; 
nature in her pastoral moods, when her influence 
is most soothing, most grateful, most beautiful. 

But what horrible suspicions crowd our thoughts 
at the idea of oleomargarine ! How repulsive tin- 
notion of feeding upon the distillment of offal ! 
Revolting suggestions assail us and tax our very 
courage to the utmost to give the fraud-butter room 
in our stomachs. Does it contain only pure tallow ' 
and is it such tallow as soap and candles are made 
from? My dog was stolen last week; am I par- 
taking of some of his substance '. A horse fell 
dead upon the street, and I saw his carcass upon 
one of those horrid carts dragged to the public 
pound. Is it possible that I am about to eat some 
of his fat f They tell all sorts of horrible tales 
about medical men, and dissecting rooms; is it 
possible that people are so depraved that they 
would dispose of human remains as they would sell 
beef \ Can it be that people are so unscrupulous 
that for paltry gain they would have us cannibals ? 

To all these queries rises the gaunt skeleton of 
distrust, and grins and chatters a soul-freezing con- 
firmation which shakes our faith in the integrity of 
mankind until our entrails twist and writhe in the 
agonizing effort to forget that we have eaten oleo- 
margarine ! 



THE TREATY AND THE LOBBY. 

The latest scheme of the lobby is to coerce the 
Legislature of the State of California into voting 
for a discontinuance of the existing Hawaiian 
treaty. There never wes a more bare-faced scheme 
for blackmail attempted by any lobby. The lobby- 
men do not expect any vote of the Legislature in 
reality ; they are aware that the common sense of 
the people would forbid their representatives to 
disapprove of a measure which is universally recog- 
nised as surpassingly beneficial ; they know full 
well that the Legislature is largely composed of 
men whose intelligence would be insulted by ask- 
ing their votes for such a stupidly wicked measure. 
But what they really want is that those directly 
interested in a renewal of this treaty with the 
Hawaiian Islands should make a bid for their in- 
fluence ; should buy off their opposition. We hope 
that no Democrat will so far forget the principles of 
his party as to vote against any measure which 
tends to a gradual reduction of the tariff. The 
Hawaiian treaty is such a measure. It provides for 
the import free of duty of a raw produce — that of 
sugar. Since that treaty first went into effect in 
1870 the commercial and political relations between 
the United States and the Hawaiian Islands have 
increased in such proportions that the amount of 
goods exported directly is over three millions per 
annum, and the American population at the Islands 
numbers 7,500. Such a result is more than en- 
couraging to the free-trader. The treaty with 
Hawaii will be held up as an example of the wis- 
dom of free-trade in raw produce at least ; its ab- 
rogation would be a triumph for the high tariff men 
in Congress. Every man who professes interest in 
California's prosperity ; every citizen who desires 
that our State occupy the position which its geo- 
graphical position entitles it to ; and particularly 
eveiy Democrat who respects the principles upon 
which he has been elected, must, as in duty bound, 
vote for a continuance of the Hawaiian treaty. 

It is the fashion for the dramatic critics of the 
dailies to make a good deal of fua of the donkey 
that comes on the stage in Michael Strogoff. Those 
gentlemen are short sighted. That donkey is the 
precursor of the drama of the future, and we 
might add the dramatist ; for it is now the business 
of the latter to write up to donkeys, dogs, expert 
rifle shots and athletic females. What would 
Uncle Tom's Cabin be without the bloodhounds, or 
Frank Frayne's border drama without the toothless 
lions and the half-minute crack of the rifle ? Yet 
the public alone is to blame for all this tomfoolery. 
Is the actor to go hungry, and the dramatist go 
ragged in Quixotic attempts to elevate public taste, 
when they know that any nonsensical jumble of 
circus, dog fights and gymnasium will put money 
in their purse 'i We should hope not. 



Since the Legislature convened in Sacramento, 
the San Francisco Sabbath has been despoiled of 
the restful and sedate characteristics which we 



have been accustomed to associate witli the Lord's 
day, The reason is that the Saturday night trains 
from the State Capital bring those law-makers to 
this city, and the stream that pours through the 
Market street ferry exit distributes itself in bar- 
rooms and hotel halls, elbows honest and thirsty 
men out of its course at the counters, and makes 
the atmosphere murky with a cloud of legislative 
jokes and legislative wisdom. All through Satur- 
day night this gabble goes on, nor does Sunday 
morning bring relief. They are still there, in the 
words of the street Arab, "playing upon their 
chins, 1 ' and very dolorous and disagreeable music 
it is. There should be some sort of a nu-fence law 
in Sacramento ; some effective method of keeping 
those fellows within the bounds of that slickens- 
afflicted district. Surely, the strong waters of its 
bar-rooms are stimulatiug enough, but still those 
chuckle-headed Solons insist upon changing their 
tap, and making frantic Saturday night and Sun- 
day morning attempts to create a whisky famine in 
San Francisco. 



We have the most intense admiration for the 
Bulletin's profundity. Its essays upon the new 
Charter, since that document was laid before an 
appreciative public, are marvels uf perspicacity. 
Gravely, and with a master hand, the Bulletin 
editor analyzes the new Charter. He steers his 
editorial galley over this mysterious sea of ver- 
biage, and with the fidelity of a conscientious ma- 
rine-surveyor anchors a buoy here to mark a dan- 
gerous shoal, and plants a flag there as a warning 
of some treacherous current. The most remarkable 
thing about these essays is that they are conclusive 
evidence that the Bulletin editor has read the new 
Charter. For this daring feat alone he is entitled 
to a medal for valor. But as we only give medals 
in this country for target shooting, bruising, saw- 
dust tramping or baking powders, the worthy man 
might be, as a reward of merit, unchained for a 
few hours and permitted to visit his family. For 
we understand that the rules of the Bulletin office 
demand that no commentator on the new Charter 
be permitted to mingle with the outside world least 
he should imbibe prejudice and be infected with 
broad minded, and therefore non-BnUi-tin views of 
that masterly production. 



When Dr. Montague Leverson was elected to the 
Legislature by an intelligent and discriminating 
majority of his fellow-citizens, we felt confident 
that the Doctor would make his mark. Dr. Mon- 
tague Leverson, from circumstances over which he 
has had no control, has left a heap of talking un- 
done during the past three years. His opportuni- 
ties for opening the flood-gates of his eloquence 
(the Doctor has an interesting lisp) has been surely 
and sadly limited. True, he belongs to a club, but 
it took the members but a week to know the Doc- 
tor and understand his mission. Then they fled at 
his approach, and the noble stream of social 
science and philosophy was dammed in a double 
sense. But now there stretches before the gratified 
vision of Dr. Montague Leverson, a long vista of 
feet, yards, rods, furlongs, miles, leagues of talk- 
ing to be done. He has got to a place where they 
must hear him, and we make no mistake when we 
affirm that before Dr. Lontague Leverson gets done 
with that Democratic Legislature, seven-eighths of 
the members will wish that they had never been 
born, or being born had entered life in a condition 
of incurable deafness. 



The wily boarding Missus, incited thereto by 
the recent hotel fires, when she wants to get one 
straight from the shoulder in on the opposition 
house, designates her rival's establishment as a 
"death-trap." Alas, death in the San Francisco 
boarding house does not always come in the shape 
of a destroying angel in fiery garments, cutting off 
with a flaming sword every avenue of retreat. It 
assumes varied and more insidious forms. It 
lingers on the table in the guise of buscuit, half 
baked, cloggy, and destructive to ordinary diges- 
tion. It peeps from behind the cruet-stand in the 
guise of bull butter, labeled fresh from the dairy. 
It plays hide and seek about the corridors, now as 
sewer gas, and again pneumonia-laden drafts. 
When the boarding ladies correct all these evils, 
fire or escape or no, they will enjoy an ample and 
appreciative patronage. The chances of getting 
burned up are nothing when compared to the daily 
enduranceof the other abominations. 



12 



THE WASP- 



SEASIDE TAFFY. 

Wandered a youth and a maiden fair 
Over the sands where the curling waves 

Evei their foaming frontlets bear 
To the shore which the boundless ocean laves. 

Winsome and sweet was the girl, I ween, 
Lovingly round her the sunbeams fell, 

Gilding her head with a silken sheen 
Then flashing away on the ocean swell. 

Little we reck of the lover tall 

Close by her side on the shelving strand, 

Save that his heart was her bounden thrall 
And she held his fate in her small white hand. 

Lifting a shell from its sandy bed, 
" Hark to its murmaring moan," said he ; 
" Forever and ever it grieves, 'tis said, 

For its silent home 'neath the deep, deep sea ! " 

Brushing it free from the clinging sand, 

Placing it close to her dainty ear, 
He held it still in his daring hand. 

Never a sound could the maiden hear ! 

" Marvel I not at the sea shell's freak, 

Hushing its sorrowful strain," cried he. 

" Kissing the rose on my fair one's cheek 

Why should it mourn for its native sea ? " 



San Francisco, January 14, 1SS3. 



Btsshe. 



"THE LOWING HEARD," 



Pajaro, Jan. 16, 1SS3. 
Dear Mr. Wasp : — Thank you. Permit me 
through you to make my best conge — is that Gaelic 
for ;{ bow " 1* — to the Legislature of this State, now 
in session, 



Gentlemen of the Legislature : I arise, sirs, in the 
cow- pasture, to say that real butter is the market- 
able form of green grass. The coast counties of 
this State, as well as parts of counties not coast, 
are rich in green grass, which is for sale in the 
form of butter. The industry in grass is an im- 
portant one. The coast counties are numerous in 
votes. Votes elect. Need I say more to intelli- 
gent Legislators 1 You will be called upon to say, 
by law, whether the green grass industry of the 
coast counties of this State shall be destroyed by a 
soap-grease substitute called oleomargarine. This 
oleomargarine is not for the very wealthy few, but 
for the poor and less wealthy many. The few of 
great wealth and " proud " position can guard with 
gold the gateways of their gobs; but the many — 
ah ! the many for votes are good as any— the many 
must spread and eat that which is set before them. 
Will you, 0, democratic, anti-monopoly, represent- 
ative gentlemen, will you — you for whom the toil- 
ing many voted — will you, can you, dare you, 
when the moiling many ask you for the nutty- 
flavored extract of the meadow, set before them 
the shameless fraud of the shambles ? No, gentle- 
men, I will not believe it. You cannot afford the 
luxury of such a villainy. Let me warn you that 
the certificates upon which you now sit and ad- 
journ from day to day must come back to the peo- 
ple to be endorsed by the voters on account of 
posterity, the funeral orator, the obituary scribe 
and the tombstone fiend. You stand before some- 
thing less than a million of constituents, barring a 
few thousand Chinese and Major McQuiddy. The 
soul of the departed argonaut (not Pixley's) looks 
down upon you while the "milky mothers of the 
meek-eyed herd" lookup to you. Can you in the 
impending crack of this crisis weaken ? Fear you 
to take a bull-butter monopoly by the horns ? If 
so, then avaunt, ye braggarts. Get ye gone, ye 
blathering promise-breakers. But if ye will be 
true to the many, then give us that law which shall 
cause all oleomargarine in this State made or im- 
ported to be colored ; any color other than butter- 
color. A good healthy brown color will answer the 
purpose. Then add to that law, or in another law 
put, that it shall be a heavily punished crime for 
ally dairyman, middle-man, merchant, or person 
whatever to offer for sale any butter mixed with 
oleomargaiine or other part or quality of oil, fat or 
grease. Oh, sirs, it is only a little thing for which 
we ask. It is nothing that will bankrupt the 
abundance of your great wisdom. We do not ask 

*No ; it means bow-wow— Editor. 



for a special cow-tail commission, as the viticultur- 
ists, horticulturists and the other culturists would 
ask if they were in our situation. All we want is 
law, with room to see it executed. Such a law is 
mercy. Mercy to the butter producer and thrice 
mercy to the consumer. The quality of mercy, 
sirs, is not strained; therefore, give us no skim- 
milk statute on this subject. 

If Mr. B.-B. Wilson comes among you, like a 
smiling Satan at Job's picnic, with the golden 
chink-chink of his Manhattan conscience roosting 
in his greasy palm, give him to know that the Cali- 
fornia mare is not made to go by money of that 
odor. Or if any among you must take his money 
take it all. Take it all and send him naked to the 
frozen purlieus of his Gould-haunted island ayont 
the awful hills. 



Now Mr. Wasp, excuse me, but I think this 
style of oratory ought to fetch 'em. The Legisla- 
tors, I mean. Because it is rather better than 
they are accustomed to. But if it don't fetch 'em — 
well, the ballot-box is not closed forever. Or if 
the ballot should by any possibility be taken from 
us, we can meet the home-coming Legislator as he 
returns to us next spring, with a procession of 
bereaved cows and bawl him out of existence. 

Attorney for the Cow. 



Governor Stoneman has succeeded in highly of- 
fending the militia. The Executive seems to con- 
sider that the National Guard is not absolutely 
necessary for the peace and welfare of the country, 
and that its dissolution would not involve riot, 
anarchy, arson and murder. But he has offended 
them, and many of the prominent members of the 
organization talk gravely about handing in their 
resignations. Of the latter calamity we have not 
the slightest apprehension. If they resign, how 
could they wear out their gay clothes, their bril- 
liant uniforms, glittering with brass buttons and 
gold lace. No, the militia officer never resigns. 
Death alone can remove him from the muster roll. 
He is bound to get the worth of his money out of 
the military tailor as long as Providence permits 
him to rattle a saber and tramp a cobble stone. 



In a recent interview between two of our local 
playwrights, as reported in the Alia of last Mon- 
day, the sentence occurs: "Many of our best 
writers have abandoned pwe literature for the 
drama." To judge those writers by their dramatic 
productions this is absolutely true, for their dramas 
lack both purity and literary merit. The fact that 
the gentleman who is reported to have uttered the 
above quoted sentence, classifies the drama as 
something separate and distinct from " pure litera- 
ture,'' proves what sort of estimation he has of the 
drama generally, and when he further on modestly 
states that t; the most promising writeis in the 
United States" are at present engaged in construct- 
ing plays, adding the assertion that he is one of 
these, one can only pray that the special Providence 
which guards the purses of an unsuspecting public, 
may prevent a consummation of his nefarious plot 
to sell the mental poison which he is engaged in 
compounding into an alleged drama. 



He was fond of antithesis and thought he had a 
happy knack at putting things neatly. So he wrote 
from Marysville : " I don't know my dear girl, 
whether I am the more glad to learn of your re- 
covery from a dangerous illness, or sorry to hear 
that you have lost your favorite cat." 



Oleomargarine is greatly vaunted by its manufac- 
turers on the ground of its inexpensiveness, but 
somehow Mr. Wilson looks only half delighted 
when some one admits that it is dog, cheap. 



If there is one compliment that we appreciate 
more than another it is that of the publisher who 
sends us his newspaper wrapped in a Wasp cartoon, 
with a request for an exchange. 



fL Who was the first man ?" inquired a young lady 
of one of her Sunday school scholars. "My pa, 1 
answered the youth. " Oh, no, your pa was not 
the first man." " Well, he was the first one I 
ever saw, anyway," 



If the paragraphers who write each week of find- 
ing hairs in the butter will send us the hairs we 
should be glad to start a matrass factory here. 



OhJyBack! 



That's a common expres- 
sion and has a world of 
meaning. How much suf- 
fering is summed up in it. 

The singular thing about 
it is, that pain in the back 
is occasioned by so many 
things. May be caused by 
kidney disease, liver com- 
plaint, consumption, cold, 
rheumatism,dyspepsia,over- 
work, nervous debility, &c. 

Whatever the cause, don't 
neglect it. Something is 
wrong and needs prompt 
attention. No medicine has 
yet been discovered that 
will so quickly and surely 
cure such diseases as 
Brown's Iron Bitters, and 
it does this by commencing 
at the foundation, and mak- 
ing the blood pure and rich. 

Wm. P. Marshall, of Logans- 
port, Indiana, writes : " My wife 
has for many years been trou- 
bled from pain in her back 
and general debility incident 
to her sex. She has taken one 
bottle of Brown's Iron Bitters, 
and I can truthfully say that 
she has been so much benefited 
that she pronounces it the 
only remedy of many medi- 
cines she has tried." 

Leading physicians and 
clergymen use and recom- 
mend Brown's Iron Bit- 
ters. It has cured others 
suffering as you are, and it 
will cure you. 



ARTISTIC PRINTING. 

Every Variety of Plain and Ornamental 

PEINTING 

Executed with Neatness and Dispatch at 

Lowest Rates. Orders by Mail receive 

prompt attention. 

E. C. HUGHES, 

5ir Sansome Street, 

Cor. Merchant. SAN FRANCISCO. 



BILLIABDSI 

The Cues in every Billiard-room, Club and Private House 
should be furnished with the 

BILLIARD -ROOM NOISE- SU3DUER 

To prevent players from making' a noi.se by knocking their 

Cues on the floor. Over 250,000 sold during 1 the past 

two 3'ears. Invented and patented by 

JOHX CREAIIAX, Continental Hotel, Philadelphia, 

Sole agent in Pcnn'a for the Standard American Billiard and Pool 
Tables, manufactured only by H. W. COLLENDER, Wanted, 
agents to sell SUBDUERS in all parts of the United -States. Price, 
$1 perdoz. For sale by all Manufacturers and Dealers. 



THE WASP. 



13 



TALK ABOUT THEATERS. 



The post weL-k has brought no material changes at the 
different places of amusement, and consequently the at- 
tendant m-rally deiTi-iisin^. The exception in 

the latter respect has been the Grand ' >pera House, where 
Y>»tth U nightly attracting large audiences who are evi- 
dently well pleased with that interesting si>eetacle. 

Emerson's Minstrels appear to have lost none of their 
powers of attraction, and their cosy little place is always 
comfortably rilled by an appreciative public. Heed's 
Wax Works are the piea tb raietana of the entertain- 
ment. 

Oberon at the Tiroli has been replaced by Tra 

which perfomiance a more extensive notice cannot be 
given in time for this issue. 

.-1 Voyagi fa the Mo m still continues at the Winter Gar- 
den. 

The play at the California is a sad failure financially. 

Leavitt's All Star Combination has also suffered from 
a slender attendance. 

The coming week promises an unusual form of amuse- 
ment, by the representation of Mrs. Frances Hodgson 
Burnett's play, Etm ralda. Both the play and its per- 
formance by the Madison Square Theater Company are 
very highly spoken of by the most respectable of Eastern 
critics, and to judge by the plot and cast, Esmeralda will 
prove both wholesome and enjoyable. The stage prepara- 
tions at the Baldwin Theater are of the most elaborate 
character and the novelty of the setting will be enhanced 
by extraordinary speed of changes of scenes, which ordi- 
narily raquire tedious delay for their arrangement. An 
outline of the plot might prove interesting : " Dave 
Hardy," a fine specimen of the North Carolina farmer, 
obtains the reluctant consent of the " Rogerses " to mary 
their daughter " Esmeralda." Just before the wedding a 
rich vein of ore is discovered upon the lands owned by the 
"Rogerses", which makes them suddenly wealthy and causes 
the ambitious mother to break off the engagement with 
"Hardy." The " Roger?" family enjoy their fortune 
in Paris, and ''Esmeralda," though faithful to her first 
attachment, is betrothed to a Marquis. " Dave Hardy," 
who has secretly followed "Esmeralda," learns in Paris 
that the ore-vein upon the "Rogerses' " farm has given 
out and has been rediscovered upon his own land. He 
thereupon generously supplies (secretly) the means for the 
luxurious living of the "Rogers" family. The father, 
observing the intense love of " Esmeralda " for " Dave," 
endeavors to break the engagement with the Marquis and 
fails. Just then " Esmeralda" discovers the presence of 
" Dave " in Paris and defies parental restraint, resolving 
to return to North Caroling The last act finds all parties 
t their old home in America, and after " Old Mis. Rog- 
ers" is made aware of the noble conduct of " Hardy " and 
of the genuine affection of her daughter, she finally re- 
lents and the play ends with the union of the loving 
couple. 



Did you ever think how many male and female 
ancestors were required to bring you into the 
world ? First, it is necessary that you should 
have a father and mother— that makes two human 
beings. Eeach of them must also have had a 
father and mother — that makes four human be- 
ings. -Each of those four must have had a father 
and mother — that makes eight human beings. So 
on we must go back for fifty-six generations, which 
bring us only to the time of Jesus Christ. The 
calculation thus resulting shows that 139,235,017,- 
489,534,970 births must have taken place in order 
to bring you into the world ! Was there ever such 
an incalculable disproportion between cause and 
effect ? 



BURR & FINK, 



OTHER FOOLS' FOLLIES, 



" Wliistlers are always good-natured," says a 
philosopher. Everybody knew that. It's the folks 
that have to listen to the whistling that get ugly. 

Boston Post. 



No man living walks in a straight line. The 
sparest-footed walker walks to the right or left a 
distance of thirty-six feet in a mile. In case there 
is a saloon on the way he may diverge as much as 
150 feet.— Detroit Free Press. 

Butter is one of the most gratifying results of the 
modern cow, but the butter that is calm, placid and 
pacific on top of the tub, gaining your confidence 
and then rising up out of the bottom as you get 
down on it, and cleaning out the whole family like 
an army with banners, is not the symbol of a glor- 
ious progress. — Laramie Boomerang. 

A reporter rang up the office of two prominent 
physicians. " Is anybody in I" was asked. "Yes, 
sor." "Who?" "Me, sor, plaze." "Is Dr. A. 
in ?" " Wouldn't Dr. R. do, sor, plaze .'" " Well, 
yes." " Nather man iv 'em is here, sor." — Colum- 
bus Globe. 



A large band of New England spinsters are pre- 
paring to go West, and a knowledge of that fact is 
having a powerful influence in directing the tide of 
emigration toward the Southern States. — Brooklyn 
Eagle. 

A young man entered a barber shop the other 
day and said he wanted his hair cut commodore 
style. After some investigation and inquiry it was 
determined that Pompadour was what he wanted. 
— Hume Sentinel. 



Glass eyes for horses are now made with such 
perfection that even the animals themselves cannot 
see through the deception. — Omaha Bee. 

How sadly the bummer, who once was in clover. 
Is pushed for a drink, since election is over ! 
From bar-room to bar-room he tramps in sad plight 
In search of his whisky, or may be, a bite ; 
And when on his rounds he shivering goes, 
With a much paler hue on his face and his nose, 
How keenly he'll watch for a nod or a wink ; 
How nimbly he'll step to the bar for a drink ! 
Then pity the bummer, the down-hearted bummer, 
Who wears in the winter the clothing of summer 
— Boston's local p"d. 



A bald-headed man, who has heard that the 
hairs of a mail's head are numbered, wants to 
know if there is not some place where he can ob- 
tain the back numbers.— Cur. Saturday Night. 



"In choosing a wife," says an exchange, "be 
governed by her chin." The worst of it it, that 
after choosing a wife one is apt to keep on being 
Governed in the same way. — Philadelphia Bulletin. 

John Logan's smashing grammar 

Into ten thousand bits ; 
Cries John : " 0, hear my clamor ! 

I'm giving Porter Fitz !" 

— Louisville Courrier Journal. 



Parson (to ne'er-do-well)—" What's this I hear, 
Giles— that your wife has left you ? Ah ! this is 

what I " Giles — " She might do worse than that, 

sir." Parson— (shocked)— "Worse?" Giles — "She 
might come back again." — Punch. 

Secretary — "Here, old man, is your witness fee." 
Old man— "Thank you very much. As I am an 
old man, with few opportunities of earning a 
penny, I hope you will call upon me again when 
you need a witness." — Fliegende Blatter. 



620 Market Street, 



0pp. Palace Hotel Entrance, 



He did not object to his daughter joining a mu- 
sical society, but gently insisted that abbreviations 
were coarse — Philip Harmonic sounds much more 
genteel, my dear. 



MASQTTEBADK COSTUMES. 

Messrs. Jahn & Foster have the largest assortment of 
unique and costly Masquerade t lostumes to rent at reason- 
able rates. Messrs. Jahn & FoBter are well known, 
having been established ten years at their place of busi- 
ness, at 121 Stockton street. 

CONSUMPTION. 

For the cure ,,f this distressing disease there has been 
no medicine yet discovered that can show more evidence 
of real merit than Allen's I. ung Balsam. This unequaled 
expectorant for curing consumption and all diseases lead- 
ing to it, such as affections of the throat, lungs, and all 
diseases of the pulmonary organs, is introduced to the 
suffering public after its merits for the cure of such dis- 
eases have been fully tested by the medical faculty. The 
Balsam is, consequently, recommended by physicians 
who have become acquainted with its great success. 



KIDNEY- WORT 



IS A SURE CURE 

for all diseases of the Kidneys and I 



LIVER 



It has specific action on this most important , £ 
organ, enabling it to throw off torpidity and 
inaction, stimulating the healthy secretion of 
the Bile, and by keeping the bowel3 in. free 
condition, effecting its regular discharge. 



are bilious, dyspeptic, or constipated, Kidney- 
Wort will surely relieve and quickly cure. 

In the Spring to cleanse the System, every 
one should take a thorough course of it. 
41- SOLD BY DRUCCISTS. Price $1. 



x urn meWGmt 



1 1 



The Waterbury. 




Exact sue oi watch. 

We make bat one size as above. " Series A " is Skele- 
ton Plates and Open Dial. " Series B " is Solid plates 
and Full Dial (as cut shown above). 

WATERBURY WATCH CO., 

A. I. Hall & Son, 

528 and 530 Market Street, 

SAN FRAXC1SCO, CAL., 

Sole Agents for Pacific Coast. 



Merchant Tailors. 



14 



THE WASP. 



THE SANCTUM, 



He came sliding into the editorial den yesterday, 
loaded to the muzzle with vaccinated conundrums. 
Nobody looked up, but he didn't blink at that. 
" When did the carte-blanche ?" he fiendishly 
yelled. The office boy says he never had such a 
tough job of scrubbing in all his life, and that lie 
can't get half the blood stains off' the wall. Our 
apologies are hereby tendered to the coroner for 
omitting to leave enough of the remains for him to 
sit on. — New York News. 



" What shall I write about 1" asked a young re 
ported of the managing editor. " Oh, write about 
the first thing that comes to hand," was the brief 
order. The scribe drew his pay that night for an 
article on " door-knobs." — New York Commercial. 



The editor must work and work, without so much 
as a moment of rest. He cannot even tip back in 
his editorial chair for a nap, without being awak- 
ened by a rock-roach running over his nose, or the 
rustle made by a rat looking over the exchanges. — 
Lowell Oitiz&ns. 



The sun comes up and the sun goes down, 

And behind us rolls the years ; 
But the day and night are the same as one 

To the chap who wields the shears. 

— Hackensaek Repvblimv. 

The only break in this treadmill life, 

The only rest that he gets, 
Is when he scoops his hash with a knife, 

And his whistle with beer he wets. 

Burlington Enterprise. 



A countrj 1 editor has been made the victim of a 
diamond robbery. His opponent stole the ace of 
that suite out of the pack. — Boston Post. 



QUID PRO QUO. 



Kate Field, the famed and fascinating lassie, has 
had good words to say about journalists of late, 
and the latter return the compliment in the follow- 
ing manner : Kate Field says she honors journal- 
ists. Kate, by the way, is the young lady who is 
continually being taken for Mrs. Langtry. — Boston 
Star. In personal appearance, yes. But as a 
writer she is very much like George Eliot — rather 
superior, in fact. — Rochester Express. Authorship 
and beauty are well enough ; but you should hear 
Kate sing. Then is when the people pity Patti 
and get sorry for Nilsson. — Louisville Courier- 
Journal. Nothing shows Miss Field's versatility 
so much as her work in the domain of art. Rosa 
Bonheur is great in a limited field — say of animals 
—but the pencil of Miss Field takes in the whole 
realm of painting. — Detroit Free Press. Beauty, 
art, literary, musical and domestic talents are very 
good in their way ; but what we most admire about 
Kate is her fresh, charming, rosebud youth. One 
would never suppose from her sweet girlishness 
that she is almost eighteen years old. — Philadelphia 
News. As a fool about newspapers, this gifted lady 
takes the cake. 



A jolly Dutchman, when the steamboat was 
likely to sink, succeeded, after much trouble, in 
finding a life-preserver large enough to fit him. 
While he was trying his best to blow it up a young 
fellow standing by said : " You can't fill that with 
wind ; it leaks. Don't you hear it sizz ?" "Ish 
dot so ?" he replied. " Veil, I dinks, den, I pet- 
ter keep de vind in myself." 



A watchmaker of Middlebury, Conn., has manu- 
factured a clock which, at striking, carries out a 
representation of Garfield's assassination. Guiteau 
fires ; the President falls. The scene shifts. A 
funeral service is represented ; suddenly a door 
opens and reveals Guiteau on the gallows. Then 
seventy-five doctors, three hundred nurses, and a 
crowd of miscellaneous pirates appear and present 
long bills, and the scene closes. 



" My wife," remarked Fitzboodle, " is fairly 
crazy over the winter fashions. She's got the 
delirium trimmins. 



Two sons of an English aristocrat were remark- 
able for hastiness of temper, which on certain oc- 
casions broke out into very indiscreet expressions. 
During a quarrel, and in thd height of passion, one 
said to the other : " You are the greatest ass in 
the world." " Come, come, my lads," said their 
highly incensed father : " you forget that I am 
present. 

" How old is that dog ?" was asked of a colored 
man. " If he lives ter see the fifth ob naixt June, 
sah, he will be de oldest dog on de plantation." 
" And if he don't live until then— 1" " He'll be 
dead, sah." — Arkansaw Traveler. 



Great Pacific Coast Spring Medicine. 

sk^TRY PFUNDER'S 



SPRING 1S82. 



As Spring with its change of weather creates a revolu- 
tion in the very bowels of the earth, so does Pfunder's 
celebrated Oregen Blood Purifier create the desired change 
in the human system. The best is always the cheapest, 
and health at any price is ever desirable. Use this medi- 
cine ; enjoy good health and save money ; SI a bottle, six 
for So. 



^&mmm 




AROIAEI* GOIJ> SOLID l!l>f-, makcsn heauli 
tul and valuable gilt to alndy. pent h inn ri orcliild.aiid 
in order to secure new cu^u'iulis for our firm, we will 
forward rbb'll'AU* to nnv nikln^s in ilu- Vnited 
States orC'nnatla.oin of cm 1.1 AA ^ I*K. JiOl J, Kit 
GOll* K1M.5-. Utlicr in ]!AM», HALF MIlMK 
or handsome AMk/lIIYbX, < AI.M.'l, «.OLl> 
BTO>L, ONYX, JJil'lA'JlON MAMOM> or 
A!..vii S1/11LNG, on receipt - i only ?2 t l.Mt* 
each, in Silver or restate Mint i «, m.d il vmi di Mrewe 
will EH GK AVE any 1M1 1A1 , >\1.J, JiOTTO 
OK frtVUillVl on tin- niMilc ol ll,c lire \\ ITU 
OUT A>Y 1 A'JKA I HA Jit-]-', ]ut* idul jou CL1 
OUT 'JJIIS AJ>\I.1."11M iMJ N'l. and ii.ml to u: 
with amount, on or before MAY Jul, II 688. At th< 
some time we send your ring we will mail you a Vundli 
ol our Catalogue*, and feel sure tliat you will be Si 
highly pleased with tlie ring, imd that it will give mi el 
satislaetion that you will oblige us by dfsmbutin| 
Catalogues sent you among your friends, at tin- earoi 
timeshowing them the btuutitul ringyouliove net ivet 
from us. "it.ii ean in tins «in assist us in celling othe: 
goods of h'l AM>AJiI>yi ALII V which we mniiu 
facture from new and original design*, and GUAR 
AMKE'IO G1VU SA1IM Ai'llON. 1JY Ol It 
Fill Jit SALES WE MAKE tllJt Mill FIT 



i;.-n 



• the 



id 



■ h. 



INK 



VH1 IMII.l* AMI 



KOLLLlMiOLIta 

only to intH'din c < ur g'-' Hr 
vicinity. Our Brm i- oi.H 
Ktl.lAIiJ.K, luanufnetuiii 
the J'Lfcl 1411 S All/1 Al>. Wccanonli Miiiiimtn 
L13111E1>M AI1II It ol lingual inii-e nan.nl, and to 
protect ourselves fri m jewelers ami dealers ordering 
in quantities, we will insert ibis advertisement but 
OSit 11A1F in tins paper, hence require you to rut 
it out and send to us that we may know you arc 
ES Til LEV TO 1J1E KEKEE1TS OF THIS 
OF! hit. Under no circumstances will we send MOKE 
11IAS I'M O ICINGS to any person sending us 7E 
cents each and this advertisement. But alter you 
order and other rings are desired, we will furnish 1SK. 
MILJV t.OLV U 1M.&. a tj^i iees given in our Illustrat- 
ed Catalogue, ranging I rem £5 lufelOeaeh. If you wish 
one ring send this advertisement and 73 cents, if you 
wish two rings send this advertisement and Si-**. 
If more than two are desired you must pay full price; 
as quoted in our Catalogue, 'lo ascertain the size ring 
you wear cut a piece of paper so it will just meel 
around the linger and send Hie sin. to us. Male which 
you want, BAKV, HALF liOUNV "r STO.NE 
RUNG. If you order a stun,- i nig slat 
KLM> OF frTOMi IS lll.MKl.ll, aiie 

Slainly what vou wish i:>GliA\ 1.11 on in 
uttiiisAvvei{T1m;au:m oitamisesu 

TO USREEORK A1AY l^t, 1888. It is sale to send 
small amounts through the mails, or you ean send by 
Money order, or Registered Letter. Addiesr 
G.W. PETTlBONE&CO.,26MaidenLane. NewYork. 



<«t%. "° o %£°** 



AP.^ °^ 



AMUSEMENTS. 



Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and Mason. 
Keeling Ebos Proprietors and Manager* 

First week of Verdi's Grand Lyric Opera 

LA TR AVI ATA. 

Liver and Kidney Regulator. Consti- 

OREGON BLOOD 



AMUSEMENTS. 



Grand Opera House. 

Chas. L. Andrews and L. E,. Stockwell Lessees. 



Crowded houses at every performance of the 
eclipsing success, 

~^~ O TJ~ T IE! I 



MATINEE WEDNESDAYS AMD SATIIBDAVS. 

POPULAR PRICES : 
15, 25, 50 and 75 cents. 



Jt2TBox office now open. Single seats sold in boxes. 



Baldwin Theater. 

GUST AVE FBOHMAN Lessee 

Inauguration of llic Madison Square Management. 

MONDAY EVENING, 

January 22d, 1883. 

EVERY EVENING (excepting Sunday) AND SAT- 
URDAY MATINEE. 

The Madison Square 

HOME COMPANY. 

- Including — 

Mr. Leslie Allen, Mr. Ed. J. Buckly, 
Mr. Thos. Whiffin, Mr. F. Oakes Rose, 
Mr. Harry Rich, Mr. Henry Talbot, 
Miss Viola Allen, Miss Sidney Cowell, 
Mrs. Thos. Whiffin, Miss E. Leslie, 

IN 

Mrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett's beautiful play, 
in four acts, 

ESMERALDA." 

The Companion Play to "HAZEL KIRKE." 

A run of over three hundred and fifty nights in New 
York. 

roriL.iit i'ieij is. 



i i 



Winter Garden. 

Stocfeton street, between Post and Sutter. 
Stahl & Maack Proprietors 

Unbounded success of the Romantic, Spectacular 
Opera, 

Voyaore to the IVEoon 1 

With its Grand and Beautiful Scenery, Startling 
and Elaborate Costumes and a Powerful Cast. 



Monday Evening, January 22d— I0LANTHE ! 

Grerman Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie Genee 



SUNDAY, - - - JANUARY 21st, 

Last appearance but one of 
I It I N ( I S ( A EI19IENSEICU 

as 

Countess Lea, 

In the briliant sensational play, in 5 acts, by 

Paul Lindau, 

OOUJSITESS LEA. 

Sunday, January 28th, farewpll benefit of 
ELLMENREICH. 



p;i i inn . Sick-lieadaelie and Biliousness entirely cured 



PURIFIER! 



See Local. 



THE WASP. 



15 



PACIFIC COAST STEAMSHIP CO. 

Steamers of thtaContvinv will sail frmti Broadway 
■Wharf, San Francisco, for ports in California, Ore- 
rgon, fVaahltnton a \A Idaho Territories, BrltUh 
■ Columbia and xteais*, as follows : 
Calir»rnla Southern CmHI Route. The Steamers ORI- 
ZABA and AM '« >\ snil cwr: five days at 9 a. m. for San Luis 
Obispo, Santa Barbara, hrm Angeles and San liietfO, as followH : 
ORIZABA, 10th, 20th ind fiMi of each month. ANCON, 5th, 
15th and 25th of c;u:h- month. Tin- Steamer 8BNATOB sails cvecy 

Wedneadu at s a. m. forSmKa Cruz, Monterey, Sin sinicon M Cfcy- 
ucce, Gaviota, Santa BarKartflind San Buenaventura. 

ItnlNh Columbia nml Aluskn Koute. — Steawntfrip 
EUREKA, carrying I". S. Hails, BftUfl from Portland, Oregon, 
on or about the 1st of each/month, for Port Townsetid, W. T., Vic- 
toria, and Nanaiuio, B.C., 1 Fort Wrangel, Sitka and HarrKAmrg, 
Alaska, conneetint: at Port Townseud with Victoria and Pugct 
Sound Steamer leaving San Francisco the 30th of each month. 

Victoria nml I'nyrl mhiii.I Route.— The SteMqerMSEp. \\ 
ELDKlt and DAKOTA, earn ing Her Brittanic .Majesty's and United 
States mails, sail from ©roadway Wharf, San Francisco, wt *2 r. M. 
on the 10th, 20th, *mE aoth of each month, for Victoria, R. C, Port 
Tovrasend, Seattle, Ta^onia, Steilacoom and Olympio, naalniik' close 
connection with ritaem boats, etc., for Skagit River a»d' Cassiar 
Uinea, Vxnaimo, New Westminster, Yale, SlWta and alt other im- 
portant points. Returning, leaw Seattle and Port Tcnniwcnd at 1 
p. M. on the 9th, l»h and -20th of ea'ch month, and Victoria (Esuui- 
mault) at 11 a. k. on the 10th,. feuth and soth of «ach mouth. 
[Jfote.— When Swday falls on tb'e'lnth, 20th or. SOUl, steamers sail 
from San Francisoo-one day earlier, and from Sound ports and Vic- 
toria one day later 'than st^tc4 above.] The Steaeser 'VICTORIA 
sails for New Westminster ajid Nauaiuio about every ibwo weeks, as 
per advertisetnewte in the San Franeiseo Al.ta or GlTOE. 

Portland, tNv-gon, Route.— The Oregon Raihuavand Navi- 
gation Company and the Pacific Coast Steamship 'Company dis- 
patch from Spew -Street Wharf one of the steataatirps STATE OF 
CALIFORNIA, OREGON or COLUMBIA, earning the United 
States Mail and Wells, Fargo & Co. *s Express, every Wednesday 
ami Saturday at 10 a. if. for Portland and Astoria, Oregon. 

Eureka and llunibolilt ISay Konte.— Steamer CITY OF 
CHt'-STER sails from San Francisco for Eureka, Areata, Hookton 
(Humholt Bay) -©very Wednesday at 9 a. m. 

Point Art-tui anil Mendocluo Route.— Steamer CON- 
STANTINEsaite-from Broadway Wharf, San' Francisco, at 3 P. M. 
everj' Monday for Point Arenas, Cuffcy*s Cove, Little River and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket Office, 214 Montgomery Street. 

(Opposite the ltuss House) 

GOODALL, PERKINS & CO., General Agents 
No. 10 Market Street. San Francieco. 



Citizens* Ins. Co., St. Louis, - Asset*, £450,000 
German Ins- Co., Pittsburg, - ? 350,000 

Farragut Fire Ins. Co., N. Y., - " 435,000 

Firemen's Ins. Co., Baltimore, - " 545,000 

Metropolitan Plate Glass Ins. 

Co., New York, - .- - " 141,000 

Office— 219 Sansome Street, S. F. 

E. D. FARNSWORTH & SON 



THE SOUTH BRITISH AND NATIONAL. 


W. J. .CALLINGHAM & CO., 




No. 213 SANSOME STREET, SAN FRANOISOO, 


OAL. 



BILLIARDS. 

P. LIESENFELj^a Manufacturer. 

Established - . H* - • 1856 

SOLE AGENC FOR THE ONLY GENUINE 

Patent Steel Plate Cushion, 

GnaranJ fu <l for Tin Years. 

THE MOST ELEGANT SHOCK OP BIflBlAUD AND BOOL 
TABLES ON EHE PACIFIC COAST. 

945 Folsom Street, 

NEAR _SJ X T H . 

Prices 2© per cent. Lowe* .iliiui any oilier House OB 

(lie < *.;!>(. 

g3T SEND FOR A CATALOGUE. "SS 



c 



l&BD COLLECTORS. A handsoate -set of cards for 3-cent 
ataaip. A. G. BASSETT. fioohesfeyr, JJ. Y. 



SOUTH PACIFIC^ COAST R. R. 

fta)*J*ftHl, Alaint'ilii, \c«;irk, Sun Juno, los l.aln«, 
Glenwoodi l Hum ami Snnlii * >-.i/. 

FOT0RESQUE SCENERY, MOUNTAIN VIEWS, BIG TREES; 
"Santa Clara Valley, Monterey Bay. Forty miles shorter to 

SANTA CRUZ than anv other route. No change of care ; no duet. 

■Equipment and road bed first-class. PASSENGER TKAINS leai e 

-Station, foot of Market street, sorrii sidk, at 

QiOn *■ 5t -* '^ lilv . West San Lorvitzo, West San Leandro. Run- 
O.OU sells, ML Eden, Alvarodo, Halls, Newark, Centcrville, 
Mown,**, Alviso, Agnews, Santa Clam, SAN JOSE, LOB. Gatoa, 
Alma, WrightB, Highland, Glemvood, Doughertys, Fulton, BigTrees 
and SANTA CRUZ, arriving 12 M. 

2 .Ofl ''■ M " L):ii, - V Express : Mt, Edwi, Alvarodo, Newark, Cen- 
,0U terville, Alviso, A^news. Santa Clara, SAN JOSE and Los 
Gatoa Through to SAXTA CSKE«eTery Saturday. 

4, rin I'. M. (Sutidavsoxoeptvd), (or SAX JnsE and intemiedi- 
■ OU att- stations. ' 
nij Sundays, Sportsmen's Ir»iM, 4:30 A. M. Return train 
Ull lea\esSan J i >se ut /i :lfi P. M.,*rri%'ing at San Francisco, 7:35. 
tfjr EXCURSIONS TO SANTA CRUZ AND #'i.50 TO SAN 
OU Jose on Saturdays and Swidays, to return until Monday in- 
clusive. 

TO OAKLAXIft AM* ALAMEDA. 
§6:30— 7:30— S:30— 930—1030— 11:30 A. M. 1112:30—1:30—2:30— 
3:30— (:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30—10:00 and 11:30 P. M. 

From Fourteenth nud W*4wtcr streets. Oiiklnntl— §5:67 
r,.,: ■7:-i7— 8:52— »:52— Wi2— 1i 11:52 A. M. 12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:5-2— 1:52— 5:.V2-<>:5«— 18^20 -P. M. 

From High street, .Uawedn- §5:45- §6 -.45-7:45^-8:35— 9:35 
— 10:35—^11:35 A. M. M;85— 1:35— 2:35— 3:35— 4:35— 5:35— 6:35 
—10:05 P. M. 
$ Daily, Sundays excepted. *J Sundays only. 
Stations in Oakland, uwt two blocks from Broadway, connecting 
with all street car lines, *ar 'Piedmont, Temeseal, University, Cem- 
eteries, etc. Time as snort as by any other route. Try it. 

TICKET, Teleyrapha»d Transfer offices '»'»*> Montgomery street, 

S. F. ; Twelfth and Webster, Oakland ; Park street, Alameda. 

A. H. FRACKEB, R. M. GARRATT, 

Oct. 29. Gen'I Supt. G. F. & P. Agt. 



14,799 Sold in 1881. 




Elmwood, tileiiwuod, Hudson and Our Choice. 



nON'T FAIL TO EXAMINE THE ELMWOOD, GLENWOOD, 
^ HUDSON and OUR CHOICE before purchasing a Range, as 
they are the latest improved patterns and made from selected 
stock. The smoothest eastings. The best bakers. Requires one- 
half the fuel consumed by ordinary Ranges. Three sizes of each 
Range ; twelve different styles. Has Patent Elevated Shelf, auto- 
matic Oven Shelf, patent Cheek Diraft, Broiler Door, etc. For sale 
at same prices as common Ranges. Every one Warranted. Ask 
your dealer for them. 

W. S. RAY & CO., 12 Market Street. 



RUPTURE 

Relieved and cured without the iiy'ury trusses inflict, by 
Db. J. A. SHERMAN'S method. Office, 251 Broadway, 
New York. Book, with likenessesorf >bad cases befcre and 
after cured, mailed for 10 cents. 



AND NOT WEAK OUT. 

TlMae KEYS are sold 

by all WATOHMaKERS and JEWELERS on the PA0IFI0 



w THAT-, 
'ANV WATCH 



0OA8T. By Mail, 26 Cem.s. 

BIRCH k CO 



Dey Btreet, New York. 



222 



2124 

22S 



BUSH £3 T ^-6 IE IE 17 

oM .,FORNlXTFUR« lr(/ ^ 

The Largest Stock— The Latest Styles, 

CALL AND SEE BEFORE PURCHASING ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



"^AOTURINQ 0°^ 



NORTHERN PACIFIC RAILROAD 

AKD 

Oregon Railway and Navigation Co. 

WITH THEIR UNIQUE AND VARIED ROUTES OP RIVEB 
and Rail Transportation penetrate all seetions of tin. I 
Northwest, and form direct routes 

I'p I lie Columbia— To the Dalles, Umatilla, Pendleton, Walla 
Walla, Dayton, the Palouse Country, Snake River Points, and 
Lev. iaton ; 

I » Hie I'eiiil irorellli- Division To Alnsworth, I 
Spraguo, Spokane Kails, Lake Pend d*OreiUe, and all point-sin 
Northorn Idaho and Montana ; 

lp the Willamette Valley —To Oregon City, Salem, and 
the beautiful country of Southern Orejron ; 

Down Hie (oluiiihiu -Through the most pictures- [Ui - 
ry to Astoria and Intermediate Points. 

Over lo l*usel Sound— To Taeoma, Ol.vmpia, Seattle, Port 
Townaend, Victoria and Belingham Bay— a section miriraled for 
its delightful climate and charming prospeets. 



The Northern Pacific is the New Route 
for Montana. 

Dally Slaves connect with trains on Clark's Fork Division, 
direct for Missoula and all neighbors nj,' points. 

JOHN MUIR, 

Sup't of Traffic, Portland, Oregon. 
San I ran rise. ,. Hi.-. : it Montgomery St. 



i 863. Only Pebble Establishment 




882 



PEBBLE SPECTACLES! 



MULLER'S OPTICAL DEPOT 

135 Montgomery St., near Bush. 
Specialty for 32 years. Established, S. F., 1863. 
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. 
The most complicated cases of defective vision 
thoroughly diagnosed, free of charge. 

Compound Astigmatic Lenses Mounted 
to Order 

f^-AT TWO HOURS' NOTICE. j& 
• j Deutsche Apotliekc. 

1 1 MALDONADO PHARMACY, 
36 Geary Street, 
EDWARD NEUMANN, 

I'll .IIS II U I*T and chemist. 



Farmneie Itnlhiiia. 



J. D. SPRECKELS & BROS., 

Shipping s Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

....AQENTS FOE.... 

Spreckels' Line of Hawaiian Packets, 

S. S. Hepworth's Centrifugal Machlnes,^g 
Heed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Covering. 
No. 327 Market Street, 

Corner Fremont, SAN FRANCISCO. 



- AGENTS 



can now grasp a fortune. Out- 
tit worth $10 live. Address E. 0. 
HIDEOUT & CO., 10 BarcIaySt., N.F 



/ 



rfLJt^ 




y "OUR LITTm BEAUTIES - 



Kouna ana tressea 
CIGARETTES. " 



rure, ivma, 
Fragrant and Sweet." 



Mnnnfactnrers. Richmond, Yo. 



POPULAR PRICES 



ICOLL pE fj AILOR 



LARGE STOCK! 



choice woolen Ready-Made 

Samples with Instructions for Self-Measurement Sent Free. 




: I w - 



POPULAR STYLES ! 



Men's and Boys' 



Men's Furnishing Goods, 



Clothing, j And Fancy Neckwear. 

816 & SIS Market Street, San Francisco. 



SIBEEIAN ZB-^LS-^IM: | n - Van Bergen & Co., 



CURES Catarrh, Asthma, Croup, Coughs, Colds, Affec- 
tions of the Bronchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases of the Kidneys and Urinary Organs It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause 

liri'n r. 415 iiiim <<(ll lltl STREET. For Mile by nil Drngglals. 



SOLK AOESTH FOR 



B. 



£®"Ask For 

ILLOWS DEER 

Brewed by 0. FAOSS & Co. 
WILLOWS BREWERY. 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 10th Sts., San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR TO 

MASSEY & YUKO, 

No. 651 S i< it Mii:vni siitiir. 

First House below Kearny. San Francisco. 



"JESSE MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior in 

QUALITY. 



"GOLD DUST" WHISKEY. 

413 flay Street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. California. 



J. J. Palmer. 



Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Cream Tartar antl Bi-Carl). Sofia 
NOTHING ELSE 

Newton Bros. S Co. 



SAN FRANCISCO 



AN 
ixtraordinary 



Razor 



EAS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 
so THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO RE- 
LTRE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
ides over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
awing quite a luxury. It is CREATING A 
REAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
rperts, who pronounce it PERFECTION, 
ivo dollars in buffalo handle ; S3 in ivory. 
very Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
verse side the name of NATHAN JOSEPH, 
■1 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
te United States where they are obtained. Trade 
ippiied ; sent by mail 10c. extra or C. O. D. 
The Qncen's Own Company having en- 
,rged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
?ORY CARVING KNIVES, TABLE and POCKET 
NIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
le same quality as their marvelously wonderful 
.AZOR. 

DlffiCHEFTp 
Kid Gloves - 1 - 

kLWAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

Factory, 119 Dupont Street, 

et. Geary and Post San Francisco 




fprlPianoS 

Ohlclcering & Sons.BoBton ; Bluthner, Leipzig; 
P. L. Neumann, Hamburg; G. Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS TO RENT. 

B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrell St 

NEAB MARKET, SaN FRANCISCO. 



Valentine Rey. 



PALMER & REY, 

Importers of Printing and Lithographing 

PEESSES 

And Material. 

Sole agents for Cottrell & Babcock, Peerless and 
Campbell presses, and new Baxter engines ; also 
makers of the Excelsior steam engines, 

Wareroouis, 405 & 407 Sansome St. S. F 

We have ou hand at present a large number of 
second-hand printing presses, 



CRAIG & KREMPLE 

BTJGOEBBOBS TO 

Craig and Son, 

UNDE RTAK B RS 

And EMBALMEKS, 
22 & 26 MINT A VENUNE. 

The finest Reception Rooms in the State. 
All orders promptly attended to. 



DR .THOMAS HALL'S 



Prentiss Selby, Sup't. 



Selby Smelting and Lead Co 



MANUFACTURERS OF - 



lead Pine, S icet Lead, Shot, Bar Lead, Pig Lead, Solder, Anti-1 iictioii Metal, Lead 
Sash Weights, Lead Traps, Block Tin, Pipe, Blue Stone, Etc. 

Office, 416 Montgomery Street, - ; ^ ivaneiseo 

Refiners of Gold and Silver Bars and Lead Bullion. 



Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



Iharleh W. Freeman Vincent A. Torras 

TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co. 

BOOK AND JOB 

Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, 

telow Sansome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, French, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



w 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR THE 

HITE ROBE FLOUTS 

[HANI I 4111 ItEll BY THE 

Celebrated Hungarian Process 

S3T See loeal notiee In another coliuim, 



B-OLD KEffTTJCKY WHISKEY.' 



£@-QIM!]VtOIVD s S 



NABOB 




the best 

In the World. 

ask: your 
Druggist or Grocer for it. 




B^DEPOT, 429 AND 431 BATTERY STREET, SAN FRANCISCO. "«» 



Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful Appetizer, giving tone and 
strength to the stomach,, and as a tonic bev- 
erage it has no equal; will cure Dyspepsia 
or Indigestion. Fever and Ague. Biliousness 
General Debility and kindred diseases. 

This tonic is most beneficial in its results ; 
it braces the system, creates an appetite, and 
destroys that wretched feeling of_ enuni 
which we constantly labor under in this 
enervating climate. The tonic for its medi- 
cal qualities excels any other ever offered 
to the public, having taken the first 
premium at the fairs of Sacramento, 
San Jose, Stockton, Oakland and San 
Francisco ■ for absolute purity, made from 
pure California Port Wine, Wine of Pepsin 
and Elixir Calisaya. j^~ For sale every- 
where throughout the State. Depot at 
JAMES H. GATES' Drug store, corner New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Fran- 
cisco. 



DRINK FALK'S MILWAUKEE BEER. 



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^^ HARDWOOD LUMBER .-.£22. SSSFSES* '^ 



DOANE & HENSHELWOOD-Popular Dry Goods House-132 Kearny St, 8 utB 





Throat, 



K1IIII I 1! «S CHASE, 137 to 139 Post St., 

Sole Agents for the Celebrated 

Decker Bro's Pianos 

Also for the 
FISCHER and the EMERSON Pianos. 

Cash or installments. Largest Piano and Music 
House on the Coast. 



H. B. Williar, Jr. 



A. Carlisle. 



A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Stationes, 

226 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Francisco, 



H. HOESCH, 

Restaurant 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco 



THE NEVADA BANK 

OF SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital Paid I 'n - - $3,000,000 
Reserve V. S. Bonds - - 4,500,000 

Agency at New York 62 Wall street 

Agencj' at Virginia, Nevada. 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers. 

Issues Commercial and Travelers' Credits. 
This Bank has special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 



Catarrh, 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 

P. 0. Box, 1886. 
Address: 




Lungs, 



Fevers. 



For Coughs, Colds, 
Whooping Coughs and 
all Throat affections 
it has no equal. 



VALENTINE II A SSMER, 933 Washington St:, cor. Powell, S. F. 



JNO. LEVY & CO., 

Makers and Importers of Fine Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS, PRECIOUS STONES, WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE, CARRIAGE and MANTEL 

Clocks, Opera-glasses, Fans. Etc., 

118 SUTTER STREET, San Franelsco, Cal, 



THOMAS DAY & CO., 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant ■ 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, -conces,. Candlesticks and 

Bouillotr.es. 

BARE BRONZES. BISQUE and FAIENCE WARE 

IN GREAT VARIETY. 



FIRE. MARINE. 

The Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 



OF CALIFOENIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME OFFIOE: 

S. W. Cor. California and Sansome Sts. 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
D. J. Staples, President. 

Alpheus Boll, Vice-President 
Wm. J. Dotton, Secretary. 

E. "W. Carpenter, Assistant Secretary. 



0. L HUTCHINSON. H. E. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. Califo rnia a nd Sansome Sts 

CASH ASBETB REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W. L. Chalmers, Z. P. Clark, Special Agents and 
Adjusters. Capt. A. M. Burns, Marine Surveyor. 




FIRE and "^aS^' MARINE. 

415 CALIFORNIA ST., SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital, ; ; ; $300,000 00. 

OFFICERS— C. L.Taylor, President; J. N. Knowles 
Vice-Pres. ; Ed. E. Potter, Sec'v and Treasurer. Di- 
rectors-I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gustave Nie- 
baum, J. B. Stetson, J. J. McKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Dingley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



PACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO., 

Of London. 
400 CALIFORNIA STREET, S. F. 



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AS A BEVERAGE, 
AS A REMEDY, 



NECTAR ! 
- SOVEREIGN ! 



AS AN APPETIZER, 
AS A WHOLE, 



UNEQUALLED ! 
UNPARALLELED ! 



An Unfailing Cure for all Malarial Diseases, Dyspepsia and Debility. 



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■«3fe* JtJSht ^fev ^ 



Xl, 



VOL. X. 



SAN FRANCISCO, JAN. 27, 188S 



No. 339. 



f 



For 
Breakfast 



Lunch 
Co to the 
New England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California si. 



E CELEBRATED 

Jmpacne wines 

.\L. Dei rz* Gbldbrmasn Av, en Champagne. 



U'HE'I ISLAM- Extra Dry, 

In ' ases quarts and pints. 

IjiAIIlM T (.REE* SEAL, 

J In baskets, quarts and pints. 

U.Y RED AND WHITE MIXES, 

leases from Messrs. A. de Luze & Fils. 

II4M K WINES, 

es from G. M. Pabstmann Sohn, Mainz. 



ijles Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
I SACRAMENTO STREET. 



ive' 



IAMBEELAIN & EOBINSON 

PROPItIET"KS. 



1ACIFIC 

f BUSINESS 



HQLLEGE. 



U32O| r f, t |S,F 



; f[SEND FOR CIRCULARS* | 

Leopold Bro's 

LOEIST 

;5 POST STREET, below Ktarm 
louqueta. Baskets, 'Wreathes, Crusses 



S 




otographer, 



N NTGAHY&CO, 

WHOLESALE.... 

DOR MERCHANTS, 

and 824 FRONT STREET, 

IfcANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



)FIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

ping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

and 12 2 Front Street, 

ALSO 

ento, Stockton and Los Angeles 



R O K D E R E ,R 

Ohampagrie. 

Regular Invoices received direct from Mr. Lou Is Roederer, Reims, over hiB signature and 
Consular Invoice. Before purchasing, see that each case and bottle bears our name. 

MACON DRAY & CO , Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



donald McMillan, 

Manufacturer and Dealer in 

SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERS, 

ESSENCES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 
;il Front Street. 

(Near Broadway). SAN FRANCISCO. 



"White House" Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT HOLLAND GIN, 

FRENCH RRANDIES, 

PORT, SHERRY, Etc. 
In oond or duty paid. 
GEORGE STEVENS, 
3IK Front Street. Room 2, San Franelneo 



K 



FRAGRANT 




I' 



Fcr Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

EOR SALE BY ALL !>i:n.«.!S I S. 



jAMElj SlIEA 



A. BOCQCERAZ. 



SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 

WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front and Jackson Streets, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



E. MARTIN & Co. 

Importers and Wholesale Liquor Dealers. 
" MILTON' J. HARDY," 

" 3. F. CUTTER," 
and "MILLER'S EXTRA" 

OU1 Bourbon Whiskies. 

408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



S O H X, I T Z ' 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOECHTING-, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 



EICHAEDS & HAEEISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
N. W. Corner SANSOME and SACRAMENTO Streets, San Francisco. 



k 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonic ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY & CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. P., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



IIANOi 

I First Class, 
Medium Price, 

FULL VALUE 

FOR YOUR MONEY 



Hazelton Bros 

HALLET & CUMSTON, 
Jl.M. BENHAM, 

"CHAS. S. EATON. 

647 ^Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



Diper Heidsieck 

f GHAMPACNE! 

HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

211 California St., San Franrlsco, Oil. 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior ! " 

O. ZINNS, 

FASHIONABLE TAILOR, 

No. 5 Montgomery Street masonic Temple), 
SAN FRANCISCO. 



COLTON 



DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gas specialists for extmctinff teeth without pain.) 
NAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Building, 

ROOMS G, 8 and 10, 

Entrance, 80G Market street. 

Dr. Illls W. DECKER, Dentist. 



EDWARD E. OSBORN, 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(American and Foreign,) 

320 CALIFORNIA STREET 

Correspondents in Washington, London, Victoria, 
Australia, Montreal, Berlin, Honolulu, Mexico. 



Sole Agents for 0. Conrad & Go's 

C°BUDWEISER BEERe) 

WHOLESALE DEALERS IN 

! 

321 MONTGOMERY STREET, San Francisco, Cal. 

Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 






FINE OLD TABLE WINES, 



H[oiise/woT?th.'s 

Photographs 

I'll,' Highest Standard of Exccllenec, 
12 MONTGOMERY STREET. 



The 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

Prize Boot and Shoe Maker, 




18- Received 1 awards of CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY; also, 
MECHANICS' INSTITUTE, for tbc Rest Work- 
manship. 



iJEUSSDORFFER'S HATS ARE "THE" STYLES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



CO* 

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BUY YOUR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR OF CARMANY, 25 KEARNY STREET. 

L. & E. EMANUEL 



SUCCESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manufacturers, Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture and Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of anv Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULMANN' S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon, 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco. 
Fresh Bread delivered every day and cakes 
made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN OA V. 



IAK and 

Sausages. 



WESTPHALIA 



HAMS- German 
A. BEl fSCHE. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY IIDMIHIL]'. (extra), 

L. BOEDERER (sweet and dry). 
MOET A I II I \ 1>I>\ . 

VEUVE CLICQUOT, 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYE, "WORKS. 

(John F. Snow & Co.) 
13" Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

6S3 Market Street, Palace Hotel. 
No Branch Office in San Francisco. 
Ladles' & Gents' suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dved without shrinking. 
tills. J. HOLMES, Prop. 




WILLIAM F. SMITH M. D., 

(OCCLIST.) 

TjiORNERLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET, HAS 
r removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 u, to 3 p. m. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

Xos. 114 and lie Market street, 
Xos. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R. S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. M4.CDONALD, President. 

Enterprise Mill& Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Doors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

317 to ■;■;.> Spear St., .'is to 226 Stnart St. 

San Francisco, Cal.. 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THE 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant. 

THE HANDSOMEST DINING-ROOM 

In the World. 
IV in. F. II ABKISOV. Manager. 




HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWEEY WEST OF ST. LOTJIS. 



JOHN WIELAND, 



Proprietor 



WoltersBrothers&Co 
Importers and Dealers In 

Wines and Liquors 

221 California Street. San Francisrn 



Francisco Daneri. Henry Casanova 

F. DANERI & Co., 

Dealers in 
WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

21 and 29 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drumm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



CAN CRANCISCOQTOCK DREWERY 

Capital Stock 



>200,000 



OUR LAGER BEER BREW- 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATE. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 

Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
Vft'ABRANTED tdkee ? / the Pacific Coast. 

j IN'' 1 <S 

"^V^yN^S^KUDOLPH M0HR, Secretary. 




+ 



530 WASH' 



PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION 
I THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES 



• PRODUCERS 
NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 



B^None Genuine unless bearine; our name on T.nbel and Cork-_£B 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NTJNAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 



WILLIAMS, DIMOND & CO. 

SHIPPING AND 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNCTION MARKET AND PINE 8TKEET9 

SAN F RANC ISCO. 

AGENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. 8. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Cu- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Co. ; the Hawaiian Line, 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited); 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the Bald- 
win Locomotive Works ; the Glasgow Iron Co. : 
Nich, Ashton & Son's fait. 




l\K?ANDE[ 



KOHLER 8c FROHLING 

'?_H 6 MONTGOMERY ST. a S.E.COR.SUTTER a D UPCASTS. 

■' "-"- ''; '", -' " .11"' ' _=-v^.„_ - . — ^-z£i^^ZJrr^£ii^&^£^ 



tff^^&^WS 



L. P. D£G'N. Mjkfp of 







Water Proot Leather Belting. 
13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 

A. FINKE'S WIDOW 




CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 



o P1 



A M P A G N 



Pure, delicious and healthful. b^m 

809 noMcoilllll St., San Franciseo. 



H . N. COOK, 

Manufacturer of 

OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTINGS HOSE. 

405 MARKET STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

know manning's 

Oyster Grotto. 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MORROW & C0.^ 

liny, drain and Commission Mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS , S. F ; 



Bonestell, Allen & Co , 

IMPORTERS OP 

IE? .A. IP IE ~El' 



OF ALL KINDS. 

413 and 415 Sansome St. 



The Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed on the Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 

406 Sacramento Street, 

San Francisco. 



CALIFORNIA 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MABKET STKEET. 
Refinery, Eighth antl Brnnnan streets 

0LAU8 SPREOKEL8 President 

J-D. 8PRE0KEL8 Vice-Preidenf 

A. B. SPREOKELB Secretary 



THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including- Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. .tliOM'lli: LOW, President 
Office— 208 California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 



TRADE 



^STANDARD LEATHER BELTING. A - 



O. COOK & SON, 

415 MABKET STBEET, S. F. 



CVOL. 10. 



>9<3<3 9 




THE WASP 



A CATASTROPHE. 



By a Legal Limb. 



The Crime. 
In the high court of heaven, the queen of night 
Rode bright and brilliant, gazing caliny down 
Upon the party of the second part, 
To wit, the earth, within whose bosom dark 
Foul deeds are oftimes done which cause the hair 
Upon full many a lawyer's head to rise 
In virtuous indignation — that is, when 
He's for the prosecution. To resume : 
The aforesaid party of the second part 
Was wrapped in silence, save the warning cry 
Of some dyspeptic fowl, breaking anon 
The stillness, 01 the uneasy, rattling noise 
Of the omnivorous goat, feasting below 
On oyster can? and mortar; whence you'll guess 
This thrilling scene with all its incidents, 
Appurtenances, whole and singular, 
And evils, joint and several, is laid 
"Within the rear yard of a dwelling-house. 
But hark ! what "sound of revelry " is that 
Which, swelling up with melancholy wail, 
Rivals the swarthy organ-grinder's worst, 
Most agonizing effort ? 'Tis the song 
Wherewith young Romeo Felis throws his soul 
Into his lips and tells his hopeless love 
Unto the moon aforesaid. List again ! 
With what a mournful eloquence he pours 
Into her pitying bosom all his woes 
And heartfelt sorrow. Suddenly appears 
At open casement window from above 
A fiend in human shape, who with a curse 
Malignant and ferocious hurleth down 
The murderous boot-jack — answering complaint 
By filing a demurrer in the case 
With a death-dealing flat-iron ! Now, one cry, 
Fraught with a mortal anguish, rings aloud 
And once more all is silent. The pale orb 
Mentioned hereinbefore and sundry stars, 
The only witnesses, look sadly down 
Upon the mangled corse, and furthermore 
This same deponent saith not. 



The Trial. 
His Honor sits upon the bench, 

And casts his eye around 
The crowded hall where Justice reigns 

In dignity profound. 

Freedom indicts the guilty wretch 
Who dared infringe her laws. 

The baliff clamors from his desk 
The name of court and cause : 

' The People versus Easyman." 
The end is drawing near.- 
This famous case has been agog 
For something like a year. 

The people's champion, Mr. Fudge, 

In legal lore renowned ; 
His skill in hanging men is known 

For many miles around. 

For the defendant, Mr. Flaw, 

A man of giant mind, 
Who in forensic eloquence 

Can " talk a jury blind." 

The jury and the evidence, 

And all the outs and ins, 
Have days and weeks consumed, and now 

The argument begins. 

The people have the opening ; 

Up rises Mr. Fudge" — 
To the jury one obeisance, 

Another to the judge. 

1 Ahem ! Most worthy gentleman, 
I am rejoiced to find, 
In your faces such intelligence 
And honesty combined ! " 

(Here let us look : the jury is 

A most ill favored crew, 
How can he say they're honest 

When he knows it isn't true !) 

' As for the villain Easyman, 
It's written on his face, 



He's a murderer and cutthroat, 
As is proven in the case ! " 

(Let's look at Mr. Easyman : 

He's worthy of the name. 
That man a hardened felon ? 

Oh, Mr. Fudge for shame ! 

He wears a mild and timid face, 
As if he feared his spouse — 

As if he'd shun all violence 
As she would shun a mouse !) 

Continues Mr. Fudge : " The facts 

Within this case are these — 
Pray give this most important point 

Attention, if you please : 

' 'Twas on a beauteous summer night ; 
The moon was shining fair, 
When Romeo Felis wandered forth 
To breathe the balmy air. 

( An innocent and lovely youth, 
Ingenuous and kind, 
His person only equalled by 
The beauties of his mind. 

' Seated upon a rustic stile, 
Suspicionless of harm, 
He added to the silent night 
Sweet music's melting charm, 

' 'Twas then with deep malignant hate 
This villain fierce and rude, 
In his young blood — oh, hapless fate !— 
His reeking hands imbued ! 

' The proofs ? His gory weapons prove 
That what I say is true ; 
The iron fits his servant's hand, 
The boot-jack fits his shoe ! 

' Now, gentlemen, my tale is told, 
And, if you think with me, 
You'll find a speedy verdict 
Of murder— first degree." . 

Then rose the sapient Mr. Flaw, 
With most sardonic smiles : 
' My brother s tears recall to mind 
The mournful crocodile's. 

' A gory picture 'tis he paints, 
And harrows up my souL. 
We all know Mr. Fudge has none. 
Unless 'Us one he stole! 

1 But he made a fatal error, 

Which to your minds I bring : 
For did he not acknowledge that 
His victim tried to sing '.' 

• Now add, to this my argument, 

The proposition flat : 
' Felis' when shorn of 'Romeo,' 

Is Latin for ' a cat ' ! 

' Ha ! honest fellow-citizens, 
Has not your peaceful life 
Been a burden from their shrieking, 
And your spirits roused to strife 

' By their agonizing yowling, 

Till, thirsting for his gore, 
' You've hurled the fiend tormenting 

To the dark Plutonian shore ? 

' Now, what say you ? Is he guilty ? 

Comes the answer in a roar ; 
' Not guilty ! we sincerely wish 

He'd killed a dozen more ! " 

Their loud vociferation drowned 
His Honor's peaceful snore, 

And " People versus Easyman,". 
That famous case, is o'er ! 



San Francisco, Jan. 18, 1SS3. 



Bl'SSHE. 



A western cyclone went through the- open win- 
dows of a house,, caught up all the tidies, pillow- 
shams and a pocketbook and blew them miles 
away. The man of the house refuses to go and 
look for the pocketbook. He is afraid he might 
find also the tidies and the pillow-shams. 



A DRAMATIC FAILURE. 



The Passion Play does not promise to be a suc- 
cess in this country. An attempt to put it on the 
stage in New York is now being made, but St. 
Peter and Pontius Pilate have struck for higher 
wages during the preliminary rehearsals, and the 
Penitent Thief and Judas Iscariot have intimated 
that they will strike after the first act on the first 
night if they are not assured of a permanent em- 
ployment before that time. This recalls the story 
of the attempt once made to give the Passion Play 
in a town in old Mexico. It took the total receipts 
of the first night to' furnish the thirty pieces of 
silver necessary to bribe Judas, and when the 
wretch had received the money he was so full of the 
spirit of his part that he positively refused to re- 
fund any of it. In the row that ensusedSt. Peter 
lost an eye, Herod had five ribs broken and Pon- 
tius Pilate flung through a window, while Judas 
who was the bad man of the place and the only 
one sufficiently lost to all sense of self-respect to 
assume the role of betrayer, got away with the 
money, and, instead of hanging himself as the play 
provided, got full of Mexican "budge" and inau- 
gurated a political revolution which lasted for near- 
ly twenty-four hours. It is very evident that the 
Passion Play will never be a success in ,this coun- 
try. — Denver News. 



" My dear," said a lady to her husband, "if you 
were to buy me the most inappropriate Christmas 
present, what do you think it wuuld he ?" 

11 The most inappropriate ?" 

" Yes, something the most dissimilar to me and 
my style which you could think of." 

" O, I reckon an umbrella would be the thing — a 
real fine umbrella with a gold handle — " 

" An umbrella ! Gracious ! why an umbrella ? " 

" Why, you know love, an umbrella can be shut 
up-" ^_^ 

" How did you ever come to run for the legisla- 
ture, anyhow," asked Charles O'Bear of Myer Hud- 
gins, a newly elected member of the Missouri legis- 
lature, who is visiting Austin for his health. 

" I did it to bring disgrace on my uncle. He 
treated me badly when I was a boy, and I took a 
fearful vow I would humiliate him, and I have 
done it." 

" What business is your uncle engaged in ?" 

" He is making shoes in the Ohio penitentary. " 



A man one day came running into a farmyard 
and hurriedly cried for a spade. The farmer, 
coming out, demanded what he wanted with it, 
when the man replied that his friend had stuck in 
a bog and he wanted to dig him out. " How far 
in his he ?" inquired the farmer. "Up to his 
knees," was the reply. " Then he can pull him- 
self out again. You'll get no spade here. " Scratch- 
ing his head, while his face bore evident signs of 
grief, the stranger blurted out: " Och, but, be 
jaber's, he's in head first !" 



During the cold weather of last week, a good 
many wives were hinting to their husbands in a 
hesitating, shame-faced sort of way, as if they 
were themselves not quite sure about the reasona- 
bleness of the thing, that a pair of diamond ear- 
rings would greatly add to their comfort when out 
of doors. 



A Florida man killed a rattlesnake by throwing 
a glass of whisky in its face. It wasn't the effect 
of the liquor that caused the reptile's death, but it 
was the horror at the man's reckless extravagance. 



' Quite a number of Texas editors did not get out 
their papers about Christmas-time. It was as 
much as they could do to get themselves out — on 
bail. 






" I aim to tell the truth." " Yes," interrupted 
an acquaintance, " and you are probably the worse 
shot in America. 



It is a mistake to think that the bubble reputa- 
tion is always fooling around the mouth of a can- 



It is the man with a swelled jaw who realizes 
that silence is golden". 



THE WASP. 



THE DOGS OF WAR. 



Chapter I. 



The military situation at Sacramento is about 
this : Governor S ton em an appointed Mr, Coaby 
to the position of Adjutant-General. In a real 
army this is an olliee of no great importance : an 
adjutant-general is simply a general adjutant, as 
distinguished From the adjutant of a regiment, who 
is a Hist lieutenant, and hears the same relation to 
the regiment and its colonel that a first sergeant 
does to a company and its captain. The adjutant- 
general of an army IS commonly an "Ulcer ^\' low 
rank, whose duty it is merely to transmit to his 
superiors the orders of the general commanding-in- 
phief. He attends to the countless details with 
which the general commanding-in-ohief cannot 
afford to burden his mind, but he has no inherent 
authority. He is the hand of the commander's 
brain, that is all. 

Hut in the sham military hierarchy of our "Na- 
tional ( iuard " the adjutant-general is a subordi- 
nate highly magnified, and shines not only by the 
reflected light of the Governor, but by an illumi- 
nation of his own evolving. He has the rank of 
major-general, and besides his other dignity may 
be inspector-general, commissary-general, quarter- 
master-general, chief- of -ordnance and chief -of - 
statf. Better than all, he hits a salary of §3,000 a 
year. The position, furthermore, has come to have 
some traditional importance as a hoise-block from 
which to mount the political charger. A dismissed 
adjutant-general — they do not readily resign and 
few are killed in battle — is held to have a good 
claim to some fat civil appointment. 

It is hardly surprising that when the Democrats 
got into power, there was a battle-royal among 
them for this office ; nor that when Mr. Cosby, an 
ex-Confederate from civil life, obtained it the small 
Republican politicians who held, or had held, all 
the gaudiest positions in the "National Guard," 
exalted their loyal voices in a concerted howl of 
pain. Among these the cracked and disobedient 
organ of ex-Major-General Sam Backus, ex-Adju- 
tant-General and present recumbent of the San 
Francisco Postmastership, was loudest, shrillest 
and most disagreeable. Next in volume was the 
deep, discordant bass of Major-General Barnes, 
who is content to sit alongside any number of 
Confederate brigadiers in the United States Senate 
(God willing) but averse to official relations with 
General Cosby, who "tit agin his country," while 
Barnes, patriotically prudent, didn't tight at all. 
For the terrible insubordination of uttering his 
mind not wisely but too well about the official acts 
of Commander-in-Chief Stoneman, General Barnes 
has been asked to resign and has complied. He 
reminds one of the young fellow who when his 
girl asked to be excused from marrying him, "like 
a darned fool excused her." Indeed, he is at some 
pains to explain that he has been pretty tired of 
fuss and feathers for a long time ; and in this he 
recalls the words of the immortal Roman who was 
tired from the eternal city : 

f Banished from Home ? What's banished hut set free 
From daily contact with the things I loathe? 
And I was about to move out town anyhow." 

Chapter II. 

One of the unselfish gentlemen whose connection 
with the "National Guard " has been creditable to 
themselves and it alike, and whose characters gave 
it about all the dignity it has ever had ; a man 
who had no political axe to grind, no unworthy 
ambitions to glut and no desire to make money out 
of his position— is Mr. VV. H. Dimond, brigadier- 
general of the second brigade. He was appointed 
by Governor Perkins when there was no Legisla- 
ture and was therefore not confirmed, Foreseeing, 
or learning, that the present Democratic Senate 
was intent upon a clean sweep of all Perkins' un- 
confirmed appointees, General Dimond promptly 
resigned. Through Adjutant-General Cosby, Gov- 
ernor Stuneman has how asked him to accept the 
major-generalship made more vacant by the resig- 
nation of Mr. Barnes under circumstances related 
above. 

At the time we write a strong pressure of weak 
men is being made to induce Mr. Dimond to de- 
cline "from patriotic motives." Mr. Backus has 
gone to him with a tear on each side of his nose, 
imploring him to signify his refusal or he will let 
them drop. He has sworn that awful imprecation 
known as a tinker's damn that if General Cosby 
ever attempts to haul down the Americen flag he 



will spot him on the. snoot. So hideous, dismal 
and portentous is his loyalty to the bar-strangled 
hanger that he avers that rather than fight under 
an ex- Con federate he would runaway. Mr. Back- 

US invites Mr. Di ad to share these sentiments, 

and Mr, Dimond is, we believe, having them 
printed, with ;i view to considering the advisabil- 
ity of judging whether lie shall meditate upon the 
question of giving them his attention. 

Altogether, events appear to have reached an 
exciting crisis, and are watched with the same in 
tense interest and lively solicitude awarded to the 
famous military expedition of the King of Fiance, 
who, with forty thousand men, marched them up 
the hill and inarched them down again. 



TRADE JOURNALS. 

" Tin n a; n two that wi n rottt n -kkI qm was sound." 

The thrifty philanthropists of the bull-butter 
communion of sinneis have shown the color of their 
money in places where the spectacle is unusual and 
attractive. The editors of two trade journals of 
dubious character and problematic circulation, 
r/te Merchant and The Grocer and Country Merchant, 
have surrendered their souls to the lascivious pleas- 
ing of Mr. Wilson's lute, and caper nimbly to the 
saponaceous strain. Their joints being duly lubri- 
cated with oleomargarine, they perform miracles of 
saltation and execute the figure of falling over 
their own feet witli a gingerly agility that would 
be creditable in a brace of camels afflicted with the 
jerks. After Wilson's fitful fiver they dance well. 
The Grocer, however, is a paper of another sort 
altogether. (There would appear to be a penury 
of names in the world of grocerdom. The Grocer, 
Tin' Merchant^ The Grocer and Country Merchant — 
these be three. We await with confidence the 
founding of a fourth, intituled The Country.) It 
is not enamored of the exceedingly filthy lucre of 
the oleomargarine crowd, and does not dance to 
their piping. When Mr. Wilson takes snuff' its 
sternutatory apparatus is unmoved. It does not 
carry its conscience in its pocket. In short, it is 
opposed to oleomargarine. 

In its issue of the 13th inst., this rani avis in 
terra, an honest trade journal, published the fol- 
lowing, which we commend to the thoughtful at- 
tention of persons who have an objectiun to dying 
of the same form of cholera that is affected by the 
vulgar porker and the ill-bred "shoat" : 

One argument used by the oleomargarine manufactur- 
ers is that their substance is preferable to old or rancid 
butter. This is undoubtedly true when "oleo" is made 
of pure suet without adulterants. The fact of the mat- 
ter, however, is that pure suet is seldom used alone in the 
manufacture of oleo: everything of a greasy nature can 
be utilized in its composition. In stale or rancid butter, 
on the other hand, bad condition of the cream or the state 
of the weather causes it to be bad, and in consequence is 
unsalable. In the case of oleomargarine, which is at no 
time fit for use (though salable because cheap), when it 
becomes aged— as is not the case with rancid butter — the 
rottenness of the article engenders disease. In proof of 
this, and in contradiction to what some of the fastidious 
physicians at the Palace Hotel oleomargarine banquet as- 
serted, a number of prominent physicians of Chicago 
have announced that the prevalence of what is termed 
hog cholera in that city during the present winter arises 
from no other cause, and is traceable directly to the use 
of butterine (oleomargarine), in the composition of which 
hog-products largely enter. They allege that the process 
of making the compound does not require the high tem- 
perature which is necessary to refine lard, and that the 
germ of the disease passes through the process without 
being killed. The disease has become so alarmingly prev- 
alent that the officer who is appointed to look after sellers 
of butter intends to turn his attention to the cheap board- 
ing-houses and restaurants to see if they impose upon 
their customers oleomargarine for butter. 



AN INFANT PRODIGY. 



If there ever has been a "musical prodigy," 
"Young Albert" is one. Entering the unpretentious 
place where he performs, we must confess to many 
misgivings as to what he really was ; but we are 
quite sure now that he is an " infant prodigy." 
Such wonderful playing ! Such deft manipulation ! 
Such, perfect technique ! We were most agreeably 
surprised. The most difficult braimras were per- 
formed with apparently the same ease and grace as 
the simplest coup. There are times when the 
glibbest of critics gropes for words to express his 
meaning; occasions when he vainly attempts to 
put the marionette adjectives in motion; and when 
he at last does succeed in doing so, he only finds 
that they do not quite convey the great flood of 
meaning which ebbs upon the shores of expression. 
We are now confronting such a difficulty. 

Regardless of the exorbitant fares and freight : 



leaving the other numerous difficulties of procur- 
ing first-class talent out of consideration ; without 
referring to the thrifty villainy of rival managers, 
who resort to the most unscrupulous means to 
divert real stars from their God-given orbit so they 
may indulge in the malicious satisfaction to de- 
prive San Francisco of its share of their light ana 
influence, there is among us at last, despite the 
sneers of Eastern managers, one of those phenom- 
ena which are destined to startle the world. To 
say that the playing of Young Albert is superbly 
perfect ; that he performs with matchless ease and 
certainty ; that his execution is faultless and bril- 
liant — all this seems so tame and so insufficient to 
convey any idea of the real quality of his genius 
that we despair to describe the wonderful success 
of that young artist. 

It would be neglecting a duty not to speak of the 
absolute self-possession, the charming savoir faire 
which characterize his performance. It is not 
merely graceful assurance, it is assured grace ! Of 
his own compositions, he played a march in E-uchre 
without a flaw and had to repeat it. His sonata in 
D-raw was simply wonderful ; he played royally, 
nay, capitally, and on more than one occasion 
moved all hearts. The gentleman who accompanied 
him was a little snoozer from Los Gatos ; a snoozer 
of the deepest dye ; for he squealed when he found 
himself beaten — beaten out of a paltry trifle of 
$27.50. He squealed — squealed worse that Young 
Albert — Young Albert the Learned Pig. 

San Francisco, January 88, 1883. 



MICROSCOPIC MINDS. 



A meeting of the San Francisco Microscopical 
Society was held on Monday evening last, Profes- 
sor Gasburner in the chair, and the other members 
standing round loose. Professor Gasburner pre- 
sented to the Society some diatoms which he had 
caught in Europe. Under the instrument these 
creatures were seen to be gigantically bloated and 
swollen. Dr. Stonebug suggested that the dia- 
toms were afflicted with dropsy, but Dr. Shanks 
believed that that was their natural size. When 
one was let loose which looked almost as large as 
the head of a pin there was great consternation, 
and it was with difficulty that some of the more 
timorous members could be kept up to their work. 

The Chairman then exhibited a slide covered 
with fly-specks, and called attention to their hex- 
agonal appearance. He said they were really cir- 
cular, for he had measured them with a tapeworm. 
Dr. Lawn Tennis here sprang to his feet and 
wanted to know by what right a ffy-speck appeared 
hexagonal if it wasn't hexagonal ; and was only 
quieted by Professor Gasburner explaining that it 
was "business" — that all circular objects looked 
that way when placed close together. Dr. Shanks 
proposed to verify this with coins, if any member 
would entrust him with some — he had left all his 
in his other trowsers. This proposition robbed the 
subject of all scientific interest, and most of the 
members immediately fell into profound slumber, 
each with one eye open and suspiciously slanted at 
Dr. Shanks. 

This ended the proceedings, and some six hours 
later the Chairman, who had been all the time ab- 
sorbed in the spectacle of a microscopical rough-and- 
tumble fight between an atom and a molecule, 
uuglued his eye from the instrument and declared 
that the meeting would now "adjourn slue die" — 
which Dr. Stonebug imperfectly understood as a 
proposition to make a journey to San Diego, and 
vehemently protested against it until he was cor- 
rected with a cuspidore. 



The Call Jenkins remarks, anent a recent even- 
ing reception on Clementina street, that it "was 
nearly midnight before the adeaux were said." 
" Adeaux" is good, but where did the C. J. get it? 
He is, as we all know, an accomplished philologist, 
having, indeed, advanced so far in the science of 
linguistics as to invent and habitually use a lan- 
guage of his own — a tongue so original in gram- 
mar, construction and spelling that it bears no 
likeness, let us hope, to any other spoken in heaven 
above or on the earth beneath, or in the waters 
under the earth. Moreover, it is acknowledged, 
even by the cultured aristocracy of Tehama and 
Jessie streets, that the " society"" dicta of the 
C. J., like the religious dicta of the vicar of J. C. 
are infallible. Yet, for all that, doth the demon 
of curiosity possess our soul as we contemplate 
that wonderful word "adecmx" and wonder what 
the partiag guests were trying to get through them 
by uttering it. 



THE WASP 




PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY, AT MO AND S42 CALI- 
FORNIA ST., BELOW KEARNY, BY 

E. C. MACFARLANE & CO., 

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No questionable advertisements inserted in this journal. 
SATURDAY, - - - JANUARY 27, 1883. 



If God should die, as in Richter's dream he did, 
there would be a certain impertinence in the sur- 
vival of man. The principle that the creature 
should not outlive the creator commends itself to 
the common sense of mankind. Yet it is sought 
to retain the present Police Commsssioners in 
office — for life, apparently — although the power 
that appointed them expired with the old Consti- 
tution. The courts were abolished whose Judges 
were a part of the machinery designated by law to 
create the Commission ; it is the natural, right and 
expedient thing that the Commissioners, who have 
now for a long time been holding office "on their 
own hook," should retire, and Mr. Flynn's bill 
having that end in view ought to pass. In case of 
a vacancy there is at present no means of filling it, 
except that by a general law of dubious validity 
the Governor may appoint. But we do not want 
the Governor appointing our local officers. We do 
not want this city governed at Sacramento nor at 
Los Angeles. If our own Supervisors cannot be 
trusted to attend to so purely local a matter as the 
management of our police and tire departments the 
obvious remedy is to elect Supervisors who can be 
trusted. Failing in that, we deserve all the mis- 
rule that they inflict. The habit of looking to the 
State and State officers to save us from the legiti- 
mate effects of our own incompetency is a vicious 
one ; it diverts our minds from the necessity of 
selecting good men. Every time our local officers 
are shorn of a portion of their natural power there 
is one reason the less for closely scrutinizing the 
characters of candidates for local office. Our police 
and its management, our fire department and its 
personnel, are none of the State's business and 
none of the Governor's. The alarm caused by the 
assertion of the Chronicle and Bulletin that Mr. 
Flynn's bill originated in Mr. Buckley's saloon is 
amusing. It is not important where it originated 
as long as it is a good and sensible bill, and this we 
believe it to be. It aims to put San Francisco 



upon the same footing as regards its local govern- 
ment with other counties and towns. The attempt 
to treat a large city as an overgrown baby incapa- 
ble of managing its own aflairs is one to be re- 
sented. 



While the reform of the civil service is an un- 
questionably desirable end, we think we see in the 
various means of effecting it a tendency as vicious 
a3 any in the thing to be reformed, and which if 
not checked will eventually re-establish the very 
evils it is proposed to abolish. The bill recently 
passed by Congress (and our proposed city charter 
copies the mistake) sets up a commission with vari- 
ous duties and powers, which may be all summed 
up thus : to keep politics out of the civil service. 
Yet in this commission the political element is 
distinctly recognized : it is provided that not more 
than two members shall " belong to the same po- 
litical party. " What is it to belong to a political 
party ? — what is the test \ The thing is as vague 
as the memory of a dream about a fog, but the 
tendency of recognizing political parties by law is 
altogether mischievous. A man appointed on a 
civil service commission because he is a Republican 
may rightly and logically conclude that in him the 
influence of Republican ideas in appointments and 
removals is legitimized — that he is there in the 
Republican interest and that the law sanctions his 
partisan devotion. The intent of the law is not, 
apparently, to eliminate partisan considerations 
altogether, but to balance one set against another. 
This, of course, is not always possible, and when- 
ever it happens that a party has a majority of the 
Commissioners its advantage will undoubtedly be 
pushed to the limit of opportunity and conscience. 
So far as the provisions noted mean anything they 
mean mischief. This thing of legitimizing partisan 
action — as, for example, in our primary election law 
— even by so much as legal recognition of the ex- 
istance of political parties, is a new and dangerous 
step down the declivity of popular government. 
It leads us directly to the devil. 



This is an "anti-railroad" paper, certainly, and 
we cannot deny that the Chronicle is another. This 
similarity serves to accentuate a difl'erence. We 
oppose the oppressions, the extortions, the corrup- 
tions of the railroad crowd — their greed, their dis- 
regard of law, their selfish and brutal interference 
with all the industries that they can lay under 
tribute, their evasion of taxation, their meanness. 
The Chronicle does this and more : it fights them 
with the same kind of dirty weapons that they use 
themselves ; refutes their lies with lies of superior 
magnitude ; for a foul blow at the general pros- 
perity retaliates with a fouler blow at some private 
reputation ; and seeing some industry struggling 
under exaction, champions it by blackmailing its 
assailant. In short, within its smaller sphere of 
evil the Chronicle is meaner and more mischievous 
than its antagonist. In illustration of these re- 
marks, note its course regarding the deplorable ac- 
cident on the Tehachapi grade. Taking a coward- 
ly advantage of what it supposed to be a feeling of 
public indignation, it promptly came to the front 
with bitter accusations against the management of 
the line on which it occurred. This it did before 
it had any light at all on the matter ; before any 
living person knew, or could know, by whom, or 
how it was caused. For ought anybody could know 
then, the culprit might have been a pebble in the 
coupling of an air-brake hose. Let us assume that 
it was caused by the carelessness or incompetence 
of an employee. On that one line the Company 
employs hundreds of employees, any one of whom 
by inattention can send a train load of people to 
their death. And they are all human, therefore 
all fallible. The angels will not hire out as rail- 



road hands, even for Charles Crocker. So far, 
there is absolutely no evidence tending to showi 
moral guilt on the part of the managers of thi) 
Southern Pacific Railroad. That they may justly | 
be held to pecuniary responsibility is quite likely, , 
but we, at least, are willing to wait for the proofs. 

So long as people choose to be transported' 
through the air at a high rate of speed no human! 
prevision can protect them from the danger o£i 
death by the way. The mechanical and other' 
arrangements for so transporting them are neces-' 
sarily of a most complex character, and with each 
new complexity for speed, comfort or security is 
added a new peril of derangement. Without a 
high pressure of steam the train cannot go as fasti 
as we wish ; a high pressue of steam is what ex-' 
plodes the boiler. With unheated cars we should, 
suffer from cold ; when the train upsets the stoveej- 
set it on fire. A switch is necessary in order to 
avoid collisions ; misplaced it causes one. What- 
would we have 1 We ask to be shot along the i 
ground from place to place like a cannon ball. 
Nature not having supplied the means, man must 
provide them. But he cannot provide steam that 
will push in but two directions, metal that will not 
give way, brakes that know when to apply them- 
selves, fire that will burn coal but not wood, and fflt 
thousand other things for the lack of which ihfii, 
women and children die on railroads. But what; 
he chiefly cannot provide are an always obedienW' 
hand, an always infallible mind, so to regulate! 
adjust and control the complicated and delicatft> 
machinery he has invented that all its parts will 
work with exactness and no small imprecision takai 
a score of human lives. 



Our citizens — some of them — are subscribing to 
a fund for the re-edification of the conservatory i: 
the Golden Gate Park. This is a worthy objec 
Not only should the conservatory be rebuilt, 
good as it was before, but it should be made mor 
useful. The Park should, in our judgment — an! 
we know Commissioner Pixley is of the same mini 
— be something more than a mere pleasure resorl 
It should be a distributing center for rare an; 
beautiful plants not easily otherwise obtainable 
This can be done at no expense. Such seeds, cut 
tings and roots as can be spared should be freel; 
given away on orders from the Commissioners o 
the Superintendent. The florists and nurserymei 
would "kick," no doubt, and by the vigor of the! 
kicking we could estimate the public benefit of th 
plan. Another thing : while the Commissioner 
are projecting other novel and interesting improv 
ments — such as a " speed track " to allure the hor 
sey gentlemen who wear dog's-head scarf-pins ant 
carry lady's-leg walking sticks — why not pay out I 
small sum for insurance 1 An insurance policy 0] 
the new conservatory would greatly add to iti 
beauty as viewed from the standpoint of a tax 
payer and a man of business. Through the Com- 
missioners' neglect of this simple precaution we ar( 
now compelled to rebuild the conservatory by pri- 
vate subscription. We have the honor to sugges 
that the hat be passed round to Messrs. Lelanc 
Stanford, John Rosenfeld and Frank Pixley, anc 
that no change be given for poker-checks and sus- 
pender buttons. 

The resolution of the Railroad Commissioned 
calling on all the railroad companies in the State t( 
furnish, under oath, a list of all persons who receive 
from them a salary of more than five thousand dol- 
lars a year is causing considerable consternation 
at the Bulletin and Argonaut establishments. 
Galled-jade Fitch and gaUed-jade Pixley wince 
but Colonel Jackson's withers are unwrung. H( 
is borne on the books as a switch -tender, and get! 
but thirty dollars a month. 



THE WaSP. 



PRATTLE. 



A bill has been introduced into the Legislature 
: taking it a misdemeanor to have a stove in a rail- 
way car, for when the car is upset the fire in the 
tove sets the wreck ablaze. The glass in the car 
vinii. -■.-, s frequently annoys the passengers under 
imilar circum stances. Why not prohibit glass in 
ar windows '. Sometimes when a car is smashed 
uto matchwood the passengers are stuck so full of 
plinters that they experience no small inconven- 
3ace. Let us be consistent and enforce the aboli- 
ion i if woodwork. The wheels are more or less in 
he way too, sometimes, when a fellow has sifted 
town between the platforms <>f two moving cars. 
?erhaps, upon the whole, it would be wise to pro- 
libit railway cars altogether and let the passenger 
ide securely to his destination upon the two feet 
>f him. 



If railway cars are not to be heated by stoves 
;hey must apparently be heated by steam. Then 
vheii the train is ditched and the pipes broken — 
veil you know how it would be, yourself. If both 
systems were in use on alternate days there would 
3e the advantage of variety, and the intending 
lorpse could have his choice whether to be roasted 
>e boiled — whereby all could be suited. 



Poor Lily never -joes to sleep 
But tirst she takes a prudent peep 
Beneath the bed, lest hid from view 
There lurk some rich and handsome Jew. 
Not there, O Lily, and not thus 
The rich young Jews are dangerous. 
To get your gems they'll never come— 
The peril is they'll bring you some. 
Turn down the blankets, child, with care- 
Turn down the blankets and look there. 



A man in Chicago having thrown his grandmother 
out of a cart, breaking her leg, the judge before 
wbom he was held felt justified in sending him to 
jail for as long a time as six months. The circum- 
stance that the old lady was partially paralyzed 
and her leg therefore was of little service to her 
had, no doubt, as no doubt it ought to have had, 
some mitigating significance, but the incident 
shows that a Chicago man is worse than the devil, 
anyhow ; for on a church at Breslau, Silesia, is a 
sculpture representing Satan wheeling his grand- 
mother in a barrow — a truly touching example of 
filial piety. The suggestion that he is taking her 
out to the ash-heap was first made, I understand, 
by a man from Chicago. 



Lucky Baldwin's wound is not doing as well as it 
was hoped it would, and it is now feared that he 
will recover. His returning appetite is considered 
a most dangerous symptom, and the attending un- 
dertaker has about given him up. Unless there 
should ensue some unforseen check to the fearful 
progress of his recuperative powers the community 
will soon be shrouded in the deepest gloom. 



When a husband in the wrong appears, 
A prudent wife has nor eyes nor ears. 

She. 
Tis true, my love— it is true enough : 
No eyes to blacken, no ears to cuff. 



Now it came to pass that Deadbeete, the son of 
Bigbilque, set up a shop where he sold at retail 
unto the people. And that which he sold was 
named oleomargarine in his advertisements which 
he sent abroad in the land, and it was also stamped 
after that fashion ; and the same is made of cat. 
And the people were of the tribe Old Smarty, and 
they took counsel together, they and their wives, 
and they said, This duck is a fraud ; forasmuch as 



he is a disciple of Wilson and a serving man of 
Mastick he would have us believe that oleomar- 
garine is the same as butter, therefore that which 
he sells is butter and not oleomargarine. Behold, 
now if we buy we beat him. And multitudes came 
and did buy, and when they had bought they wink- 
ed and said, We have made the difference in price, 
and are not taken in with cat. But lo ! in the 
middle of the night, after they had partaken thereof 
and slept, they rose and came forth, each in his lit- 
tle nighty, and mounted the fences and crept along 
the ridge-poles of the woodsheds and lifted up then- 
voices and miaoued and said pht-pht ! For they 
were full of cat. 



Once, in the county of Marin, 
Where milk is sold to purchase gin — 
Renowned for butter and renowned 
For fourteen ounces to the pound, 
A bull stood watching every turn 
Of Mi-. Wilson with a churn, 
As that deserving worthy stalked 
About him, eying as he walked, 
El Toro's sleek and silken hide, 
His neck, his flank and all beside ; 
Thinking with secret joy : " I'll spread 
That mammal on a slice of bread ! " 

Soon Mr. Wilson's keen concern 
To get the creature in his churn 
Unhorsed his caution — made him blind 
To the fell vigor of bullkind, 
Till, filled with valor to the teeth, 
He drew his dasher from its sheath 
And bravely brandished it ; the while 
He smiled a dark, portentous smile ; 
A deep, sepulchral smile ; a wide 
And open smile which, at his side, 
The churn to copy vainly tried ; 
A smile so like the dawn of doom 
That all the field was palled in gloom, 
And all the trees within a mile, 
As tribute to that awful smile, 
Made haste, with loyalty discreet, 
To fling their shadows at his feet. 
Then rose his battle-cry : " I'll spread 
That mammal on a slice of bread ! " 

To such a night the day had turned 
That Taurus dimly was discerned. 
He wore so meek and grave an air 
It seemed as if, engaged in prayer, 
This thunderbolt incarnate had 
No thought of anything that's bad : 
This concentrated earthquke stood 
And gave his mind to being good. 
Lightly and low he drew his breath — 
This magazine of sudden death ! 
All this the thrifty Wilson's glance 
Took in and crying, " Now's my chance," 
Upon the bull he sprang amain 
To put him in his churn. Again 
Rang out his battle-yell : " I'll spread 
That mammal on a slice of bread ! " 

Sing, Muse, that battle-royal — sing 
The deeds that made the region ring, 
The blows, the bellowing, the cries, 
The dust that darkened all the skies, 
The thunders of the contest— all — 
Nay, none of these things did befall. 
A yell there was— a rush— no more : 
El Toro, tranquil as before, 
Still stood there basking in the sun, 
Nor of his legs had shifted one ; 
Stood there and conjured up his cud 
And meekly munched it. Scenes of blood 
Had little charm for bim. His head 
He merely nodded as he said : 
" I've spread that butterman upon 
A slice of Southern Oregon." 



The "cold snap" is over, we have had a wet 
snap, and now we shall probably be favored with 
a warm snap ; but thou hast all snaps for thine 
own, O death, and I wish you would tackle the dis- 
tasteful dunce who invented the word. I could 
forgive the man who first parted his hair on the 



side of his head, and can tolerate the maledic- 
torian who wishes me a "merry Christmas" or a 
" happy New Year," never by any chance varying 
his adjectives. But the measureless miscreant who 
set the fashion of calling a period of time a ' * snap " 
I would kill if I could get at him. And then I 
suppose the disembodied wretch would be given a 
gridiron alongside that reserved for my own im- 
mortal part, and make himself a portion of the 
penal apparatus by occasionally speaking of eter- 
nity as a hot snap. 



In childhood's hungry days, long fled, 

'Twas matter of renowD 
That always when we'd dropped our bread 

The butter side was down. 

Hard was the law, but Nature still 

To reparation runs : 
And that which works the fathers ill 

Will benefit the sons. 

Our children drop their slices, faced 

With fat from the machine— 
The dirt that clings improves the taste 

Of oleomargarine. 



During the past week the word " holocaust " has 
probably been used in the daily newspapers not 
more than three hundred times. This is unusual 
moderation, considering the superb opportunities. 
I should advise newspaper writers to get all the sat- 
isfaction they can out of that noble word before 
some cold-nosed chap rises in his place and rubs 
the bloom off it by telling them what it means. 



The circumstance that the Berkeley powder mill 
exploded with such terrible results while Sunday- 
work was going on for the first time in a year will 
be made the most of to-morrow in the various pul- 
pits. When the good parsons have rounded off 
their solemn warning to Sabbath-breakers, I hope 
they will not fail to use the dreadful railway ac- 
cident of Saturday to make another set of sinners 
uncomfortable, too. 

'Tis wicked to labor on Sunday, 
On Saturday wicked to travel : 

For you're blown up sky-high on the one day, 
On t'other you're ditched in the gravel 
And roasted before you can cavil. 



I know a lady who cannot at all times command 
the exact word that she wishes to speak. On Mon- 
day morning last I had the happiness to meet her 
on the Oakland ferry-boat. " Have you heard the 
dreadful news from Berkeley ? " she asked. I had 
not the heart to deprive her of the pleasure of be- 
ing first to impart it. " Why," she explained, 
with great vivacity, " the powder mill over there 
has — it has — eloped ! " 

Of the sycophant chap it has long been said, 

In a semi-contemptuous way, 
That he knows very well which side of his bread 

The butter is on. To-day 

'Tis a sorrowful thing to say. 

Since oleomargarine camped in the land 
It has added an ill to his lot; 
For he still cannot choose but to understand 
Which surface the smearing has got — 
Though he really would rather not. 



There is a marked improvement in the religious 
press ; it is giving more attention , to living topics 
and less to dead. That is to say, obituary notices 
of deceased brethren are growing shorter, editorial 
approvals of swindling enterprises longer. 



Definition from The Bulletins Unabridged Dic- 
tionary of the XTptonese Language : ' c Bloodcurd- 
ling holocaust, n. A smash-up on a railway." 

AilBEOSE BlERCB. 



THE WASP 



MUSICAL LANGUAGE. 



It is instructive to note how quickly many of the 
foreigners who come over here acquire a knowledge 
of our language, and how free they become in the 
use of it, smoothing down its native ruggedness, 
and giving it a force and a power previously nn- 
known. Mr. Max Ludwig Donderwetterkapfel- 
hausen, of Oberspiegelsdorf on the Rhine, landed 
in San Francisco in the spring of the present year. 
He found a friend or two amongst the stores of 
Kearny street, and after a few months' mixing with 
them, and a persistent study of the peculiarities of 
our language, he began to look upon himself as 
pretty prohcient ii. it. Mr. Max Ludwig Donder- 
wetterkapfelhausen was also a musician ; he could 
play on every instrument of the orchestra, but the 
instrument that he loved to play on best was his 
own beautiful tenor voice, which he was never 
weary of exercising. With the English language, 
therefore, he learned a number of our most favor- 
ite songs, which songs he is never backward in 
practising for the amusement of himself and 
friends. As an example of his style the following 
version, which he gives of the well known ballad 
" She wore a wreath of roses," may be worth 
study : 

She vore ein rote von wreases 

Ze virst dime zat ve met ; 
Her lofely gurls vass schmiling 

Penead her vace of shet ; 
Her lisjht shtep had ze footness, 

Her Joyce ze voyous done, 
Ze dokens ov ein hearty happ 

Vhere zorrow vass ungnown. 

Ich zaw her pud ein momend. 

But I zee mezinks her now, 
Mit ein wreaze ov Summer zowers 

Upon her browy snow. 

Ein wreaze von borange lossom 

Ven negst she met 1 vore ; 
Ze veatures of her aspegt vass 

More zurrowfuller as pefore. 
Und by her shtand vass siding von 

Who shtrove, und nod in fain, 
Zu fall away ze viping tear 

Unt ease mit her zome pain. 

Ich zaw her pud ein momend, 
Put I zee mezinks her now, 

Mit ein wreaz von zummer oranges 
Ubon her browy znow. 

A T hen negst I fee zose seatures 

Nicht ridal brease izt zere, 
Ein zombre's wittow gab gongeals 

Zat lunch ouxuriant hair ; 
She veeps in zolid zilentude, 

Und zere ist nairvon near, 
Zu hant her glasp mitin zein own, 

L T nt vibe avay no dear. 

Ich zaw her pud ein momend, 
Put I zee mezinks her now, 

Mit ein wreaz of orrid blozzoms 
Upon her browy znow. 



A BATCH OF REGRETS, 



A meeting of citizens was held on Saturday 
evening last with the charitable object of relieving 
the sufferers by the inundations in Europe. The 
following letters were received from prominent 
gentlemen who had been invited to be present and 
contributp. 

From Governor Stoneman. 

' L Perhaps you do not know what it is to be 
Governor : it ties a man up like a dog. I fully 
sympathize with the object of the meeting and 
hope all who hold office under me will contribute 
liberally. See you later." 

From the Acting Chancellor of the Feench 
Consulate. 

" Mister ze Consul is sicker zan one horse. He 
moch regret zat from ze meeting he eez compel to 
make himself scarce. Accep ze insurance of his 
consideration distinguis, and zat he weesh well to 
ze fund." 

From the Japanese At ting-Consul. 

" I have to state, in reply to your kind invita- 
tion to Mr. Yanagiya, the Consul, that he is at 
present in Yokohama, and is not expected back 
until eight o'clock Sunday morning. He authori- 
zes me to siy that if he were here he would jump 
at the chance to give something to so noble a 
cause. It was a great mistake not to invite we." 

From the Consul of Paraguay. 
" While cordially sympathizing with the sub- 
lime object of the meeting, and expressing my 



burning desire to contribute something whenever 
your collector has the good luck to find me, I regret 
to say that I have just paid out my last doubloon 
to the sufferers by the drought in Soudan. I have 
the distinguished honor to be P. J. Van Loben." 

From ex-Governor Woods. 

" America ! the hope and pride of the world, 
the asylum for the oppressed of all nations, is ever 
foremost "in* deeds of charity, and I, as her child, 
am eager to share her glory of giving ; but in this 
particular instance I am suffering from a broken 
leg, spinal hiatus and convexity of diaphragm. 
The friend of the destitute, 

" Geo. Woods. 

lt P. S. Columbia is the gem of the ocean." 

From the Editor of the Wasp. 
" On receipt of your invitation and on learning 
the object of the meeting, I sent a note to my 
horrible contemporaries, Deacon Fitch, Colonel 
Jackson, Judge De Young, Father Pickering, Phil- 
osopher Greathouse and the Rabbi Pixley, suggest- 
ing that every one of them give ten dollars to the 
fund. I regret to say that by each of these small 
souls the intimation was treated with the same con- 
tumelious indifference that distinguishes him when- 
ever the benevolent make an appeal to the sphinc- 
ter muscle of his pocket. I am therefore unable to 
forward you anything but my best wishes, for 
which the messenger is instructed to collect twenty- 
five cents on delivery." 



NEWS 0' THE WEEK. 



Smash ! Bang ! Frauds in Street Depart- 
ment. — - — Frauds in the measurement of vessels. 

Frauds in the State prisons. Frauds in the 

Pension Office. Frauds in the Harbor Commis- 
sion. Assorted frauds. — —Child vigorously 

prosecuted for stealing a cake. William Mathe- 

son rested his arm on the muzzle of his gun. Pen- 
sion for William. Dead auctioneer next week 

in front of the Wasp office. All are invited. 

Overcoat stolen from rooms of Board of Educa- 
tion. Thief welcome to the applications for ap- 
pointment if he will restore the coat. Messrs. 

Simon, Koch, Levi, Levi and Levi have tiled arti- 
cles of incorporation to till the soil. HiL'h old 
grangers ! No money in New City Hall fund. 
Commissioners nobly resolve to serve without com- 
pensation. — — No money in Golden Gate Park 

fund. Commissioners n. r. to s. without c. 

Meeting to raise money for sufferers by inunda- 
tions in Germany. Many wealthy and prominent 
citizens cheerfully contribute letters of enthusias- 
tic sympathy. Busted cattle dealer. Dead 

Freemason. Looks as if our anti-oleomargarine 

bill would be the successful one. Please pass the 

butter, Mr. Wilson. Quake at the City of the 

Angels.— Andrews and Stoekwell heap gone.— 
Comstock mine managers now levy assessments 
along the Geiger Grade, by the struggling moon- 
beam's misty light. Investigation of every body 

by Legislative Committees. Investigate us. 



THE LUCKLESS " LUCKY. ' 



So far as our observation goes but three papers 
in the State have dared to insinuate that E. J. 
Baldwin, "Lucky" Baldwin, was not the aggrieved 
party in the shooting affair in San Francisco the 
other day— we mean the Stockton Mail, San Fran- 
cisco Wasp, and the Delta,. It is a shameful fact 
that the great dailies of San Francisco are so mor- 
tally afraid of E. J. Baldwin and his millions that 
they dare not use their columns for the purpose of 
exposing his rascally designs upon unprotected vir- 
tue. If there is no law to reach such men as Bald- 
win, the press at least should not uphold them. If 
Baldwin were not worth a dollar the city papers 
would be on his track worse than bloodhounds on 
the foot-steps of a slave. We are tired of this 
fawning upon the rich, and when a millionaire dis- 
cards every principle of honor in order to gratify 
his base passion, public sentiment should make 
things so hot for him that he would prefer to re- 
side in Hades. "Lucky" Baldwin has been mixed 
up with more disgraceful love (I) affairs than there 
are days in the month, and the latest news from 
the front is to the effect that Miss Salina Abbott, 
of Los Angelos, either has or is about to bring suit 
against him for seduction and breach of promise. 
One of these tine days he will run against a woman 
who has had some practice with the revolver, and 
the chances are that the hole in his arm will be 
duplicated by one through his body. — Visalia Delta. 




LYDIA E. PBNKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE COMPOUND. 

Ip a Positive Cure 

For nil thonc Pnlnfu I Complaints and. Weaknesses 

so cunmion to our best female population. 

A medicine for Woman. Invented by a Woman. 
Prepared liy a Woman. 

The Greatest Medical Discovery SIneo the Dawn or History. 

G?~It revives the drooping; spirits, invigorates and 
harmonizes the organic functions, gives elasticity and 
firmness to the step, restores the natural lustre to the 
eye, and plants on the pale cheek of woman the fresh 
roses of life's spring and early summer time. 
£3?~ Physicians Use It and Prescribe It Freely ""©d 

It removes faint ness, flatulency, destroys all craving 
for stimulant, and relieves weakness of the stomach. 

That feeling of bearing down, causing pain, weight 

and backache, is always permanently cured by its use. 

For the cure of Kidney Complaints of cither sex 

this Compound In unsurpassed. 

I/TOIA E. PIXKIIA1TS BLOOD PURIFIER 

will eradicate every vest ice of Humors from Hie 
Blood, and trii-e tone and strength to the system, ot 
man woman or child. Insist on having it. 

Both the Compound and Blood Purifier are prepared 
at 233 and 235 Western Avenue, Lynn, Mass. Price of 
either, $1. Six bottles for $5. Sent by mail in the form 
of pills, or of lozenges, on receipt of price, SI per box 
for either. Mrs. Pinkham freely answers all letters of 
inquiry. Enclose 3ct. stamp. Send for pamphlet. 

Uo family should be without LYDIA E. PINKHAM'S 
LIVER PILLS. They cure constipation, biliousness, 
and torpidity of the liver. 25 cents per box. 

J83"SoId by all Druggists. 1 ^ 0) 




GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, 

Ih ii certain cure for NERVOUS DEBILITY, 
LOST MANHOOD, and all the evil effects ot 
youthful Tollies and excesses. 

DR. I1IKTIE, who ia a regular pbynlclno, 
gradual* of the University or Pennsylvania, 
will ngrco to forfeit Five Hundred Dollars for 
aca=coflhekind the VITAL lll.STOItA TIVK 
(under his S[iL-ci:il advice and treatment) will 
not cure. Price, $3 a bottle; four times tba 
quantity, S10. Sent to any address, confi- 
de>ti*lly, by A. E. MINTIE. M. D., No. 11 
Kearny Street, S. P. Send for pamphlet. 

SAMPLE BUTTLE FREE will bo sent to 
any one applying by letter, stating symptoms, 
oi"¥ and nee SIrlot nwrMT tn '"II irniin actions 



KIQNEV-WORtf 



T « 



E G^EAT CURE 



RHEUMATISM- 

As it is for all the painful diseases of the 
KIDNEYS, LIVER AND BOWELS. 

It cleanses the system of the acrid poison 
that causes the dreadful suffering which 
only the victims of Hheumatism can realize. 

THOUSANDS OF CASES 
of the worst forms of this terrible disease 
have been quickly relieved, and in short time 

PERFECTLY CURED. 
PRICE, $1. LIQUID OR DRY, SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. 
Or Dry can he sent by mail. 

WELLS, EICHARDSON & Co.. EurlinetonVt 



KI-DNEY-WOrtT 



AGENTS 



can now grasp a fortune. Out- 
lit worth $10 tree. Address E. O. 
HIDEOUT & CO., 10 Barcla,ySt.,N.y. 




SST Cures with unfailing certainty 

Nervous and Physical Debility. Vital Ex- 
haustion, Weakness, Loss ol Manhood and 
all the terrible results of abused nature, ex- 
cesses and youthful indiscretions. It pre- 
vents permanently all weakening drains 
upon the system. 

Permanent Cures Guaranteed. 

Price. $2.50 per bottle, or 5 bottles $ro.oo 
To be had only of Dr. C. D. SALFIELD, 
216 Kearny Street. San Francisco. 

TRIAL BOTTLE FREE, 
Sufficient to show its merit, will be sent to 
anyone applying; by letter, stating his symp- 
toms and age. Communications strictly 



THE WASP. 




i oiiuli. Lush of Voice. Inclpleiil Coii«unii)limi, and n 
Throat and Lung I ion i>i< ■-. 

In nine ca^es out of ten, one dose taken at bedtime will 
effectually and permanently eradicate the severest form 
of INFLUENZA, COLD IX THE HEAD, or CHJEST. 
Wot Loaa of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and Incipient ,< Consumption, a longer sse of it is 
nquired to effect a permanent cure. 

ASK FOB THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam, 

AND TAKE NO OTHER. Price', 50 Cents. 

J. R. GATES & Co., Druggists, Proprs. 

417 Banaonie Street, cor. Commercial, S. F. 

DEALERS _IN FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

J. D. SPRECKELS & BROS., 

Shipping * Commission 

M ERCH ANTS. 

....AQENTS FOR 

Spreckels' Line of Hawaiian Packets, 

8. S. Hepworth's Centrifugal Machines, 

Reed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Coyering. 

No. 327 Market Street, 

Corner Fremont, SAN FRANCISCO. 



i ( 



The Waterbury." 




Exact size >>f watch 



We make but one size as above. " Series A" is Skele- 
ton Plates and Open Dial. '" Series B " is Solid plates 
and Full Dial (as cut shown above). 

WATERBURY WATCH CO., 

A. I. Hall & Son, 

528 and 530 Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL., 

Sole Agents for Pacific Coast. 



ARTISTIC PRINTING. 

,1 Every Variety of Plain and Ornamental 

PRI^TINGr 

Executed with Neatness and Dispatch at 

Lowest Rates. Orders by Mail receive 

. prompt attention. 

E. C.' HUGHES, 
511 Sansome Street, - 



Cor. Merchant. 



SAN FRANCISCO. 



AKE HOME BEAUTIFUL! 



House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of Art. The 
Largest Stock of Wall Papers in trie City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO., 

645 Market .Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE Ok COLOR. 



222 



BUS ZEi -STi-iEET 



22 
22. 



FxU? 



ORNIA FURfy/ 



TU» 



The Largest Stock— The Latest Styles. 



CALL AND SEE BEFORE PURCHASING ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



^FAOTURINQ 00^ 



WHISKIES! 

To the Trade. 

We beg to call attention to the following full lines of 
well-known brands' of Rye and Bnurbon : 

BOITBBON. 

NELSON..-. Fall 79 

MILLED. C. C January, M 

LEX [NOT! IN Spring 'SO 

REDMOND Spring' Ml 

L. VANHOOK Spring 'SO 

E. C. BERRY, Sour Mash Fall 79 

MONARCH, Sour Mash Spring 'SO 

WILOW RUN .Fall 79' 

RYE. 

•HORSEY Spring 79 and 'SO 

N EL.s< IN Spring 79! 

SHERWOi ID , Spring 79 

MONTICELLl I Spring '80 

MILLER Spring 'SO 

Agents for bonded goods from several distilleries. Sole 
Agents for 

l/dolnho Wolfe's Selilcdaiii Aroiuntlc Scltnnpns. 
I>anii'l Laivrenee and Son's Hertford Slum. ■ 

Willow Springs Distilling Co.'s Spirits anil 
Alcohol. ... 

Kennedy's East India Killers; 
For sale to the trade in lots to suit. ,1 

WM T. COLEMAN & CO., 

Corner .Market and Main Streets. 

SAN FRANCISCO. .. 



CALIFORNIA 

Safe Deposit 

AND 

Trust Company 

32G MONTGOMERY STREET, 

San Francisco, Cal. 

,*;i! ^0\ RECTORS: 

J. D. FRY, G. L. BRADLEY, 

G. V. MACDERJfOT, NICHOLAS LUNING, 

SAMUEL DAVIS, F. H. WOODS, 

LLOYD TEVIS, CHARLES MAI-X, 

IIENKY WADSWOUTH, "L G. WICKERSHAM, 

JAS. H. GOODMAN. 

J. D. FRY'-: .-,...-......'. President 

C. R. THOMPSON (late of Union Trust Co. of^few - 

York) . . . . : ;.-... .-. Treasurer 

WM; CUNNINGHAM .: .Secretary 

DEPOSITS. RECEIVED SUBJECT TO (HECK. IN- 
terest allowed.on money deposited for sixty days or ldn'ger. 
This Company will act as Agent of Corporations, Estates, Finns 
and Individuals for the care of securities. Real Estate aud'Personal 
Property of all kinds, trie collection of interest and Rents, and 
will transact business generally as Trustee for -property and .in- 
terests intrusted to its care 

Will, act as Transfer Agent or Registrar of . Transfers of St6ck 
and as Tnisteeundcr Trust Mortgages of Incorporated Companies. 
• Will' hold' powers of attorney, and make eollectiens and ren'lir'- 
tjances,* purchase .Drafts, Bullion, Foreign Money,_Fxchange, etc. 
Buy and sell securities, make investments and ntigotiateToaTis. " 
Rent of safes in Safe Deposit vaults from &2rco $20 pet ipontlt, 
a'hd from ^12 td°S200 ver year. ' ' 



HEMJtY TlfeTJEN. 
-.HENRY AHRENS./c-jo. TM.V 



34.-0;^ -PINE STNEAR p 0l_K 



Morris <fe Kennedy. 

19 and Mi. Post Street. 

Artists' Materials and Frames 

FREE GALLERY. 



*«** 







Wi'iiW. ■■■■.■:■•' f,i I'fe.l' ■ :jt f.l -W-*?. --iiK ." <''"■■■■--'"■■:"'' 









a) '^sr 





- - v* - 



2sT -A. SI IE 



10 



THE WASP- 



SACRAMENTO ADVERTISERS. 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul- 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. £STThe most extensive establishment on the 
Pacific Coast. Eastern office, 8S Wall street, New York. 

BRUCE HOUSE, 1018 J STREET, bet. 10th & 11th, 
Sacramento, Cal. P. C. Smith, proprietor. Board 
and Lodging, per week, S5. Board, per week, $4. 
Meals, 25 cents. 3ST All kinds of cold and hot drinks on 
hand. . , 



OLAUSS & WERTHEI&IS' BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment. Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J street, Sacramento, Cal. 

DR. MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
creases the appetite, prevents indigestion, strength- 
ens the system, purifies the blood and gives tone to 
the stomach. a3T No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K street, Sacramento. 

FOUND AT LAST— AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of Hair to Bald 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color. I warrant this Restorative 
as harmless. ^Prepared and sold by Henry Fuchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. F. Richards & Co., wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. ■ 

GOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECOM- 
mended by all who use them for their effectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. SST His California 
Rheumatic Cure has no equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES— W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm Produce; Fruits at wholesale ; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
83T One of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. t Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 



GW. CHESLEY, 51 FRONT STREET, SACRA- 
mento, CaL, importer and wholesale liquor dealer, 
* sole agents for the genuine Rock and Rye, Maple 
Rum and the famous Cundurango Bitters. 



HWACHHORST (Signof theTown Clock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
• elry and Silverware. Established since 1850 and 
well known all over the Coast for reasonable prices and 
superior quality of goods, AST Watch repairing a specialty. 
Care given to the selection of Bridal, Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 Jstreet (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, Cal. 

LK. HAMMER, 820 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
Cal., agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
' Organs. A complete stock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on hand. 
ti£T Strings a specialty. 

PACIFIC WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS, J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento. 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels, 
Gears, Bodies, etc. £5TA large stock constantly on hand. 

SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER, IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1S50. 422 J street, Sacramento. 23T Clocks, 
Watches and Jewelry repaired with great care. 



STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
S6 to S12 per week. Family Rooms, $1 to S2.50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H. Eldred, proprietor. 

THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street, 
Marysville. C. H. Gihnan, proprietor. flSTThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. The originator of 
the " One Price " — goods being marked in plain figures. 



WM. M. LYON (SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 
Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR "SPERRY'S NEW 
Process Flour "—the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, tSan Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co. proprietors.'" 



AVON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
& Southworth, proprietors. ■ ■ ' 



BURNHAM'S ABIETENE. NO ' COMPOUND 
but' a pure distilation from a peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds,etc. Sold by all druggists. " 

CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NO AK, 
"agent for the best California Windmills and' Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. O. Box, 312. *®" Send for price list. ' 



EAGLE HOTEL/ TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board §4 per week. 
Board and Lodging, $5 to $Q. Per day, Si to $1,25; 
Meals, 25 cents. gST Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H. Allen, proprietress. 



FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer, importer and dealer, cor. Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. SSOT Illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application.-- 



GREAT REDUCTION. STOCKTON IMPROVED 
Gang Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ; 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom and warehouse, cor. El Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Globe Iron Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail. John Caine, sole proprietor. P. 
O. Box/ 95, Stockton. 



GRANGERS' UNION OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL- 
ley. (Incorporated May 14, 74.) Importers and 
dealers in Agricultural Implements and a full line 
of General Hardware, Nos. 280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 
ton, Cal. 



HC. SHAW, PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 
Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 
• Stockton Gang Plows, Farm and Spring Wagons, 
Hardware, etc. , etc. -Office and warerooms, 201 alicT'203 
El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
9 dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc. No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 



H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
• Odd Fellows' Block, Stockton, Cal. 



M 



ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal.* 



PACIFIC COAST LAW, MERCANTILE AND 
Patent Agency. Joshua B. Webster, attorney at 
law. Practice in all Courts, State and Federal. 
Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
Practice, including Patent and Copyright Law. £5T Prin- 
cipal office,' Room No. 1, Eldridge's Building (opp. the 
Courthouse) Stockton. 



STOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, S500,000. Deposits payable in 
time or on demand. Pays 5 per cent, interest after 
30 days. Domestic and foreign exchange. Transacts gen- 
eral banking business. L. U. Shippee, president ; F. M. 
West, cashier. 



THE PACIFIC ASYLUM, STOCKTON, m THIS 
Private Asylum for the care and treatment of men- 
tal and nervous diseases is where the insane of the 
State of Nevada have been kept for several years, the 
patients being lately removed to Reno. The buildings, 
grounds and accommodations are large and its advantages 
superior. For terms, apply to the proprietor, Dr. Asa 
Clark, Stockton. References, Dr. L. C. Lane, San Fran- 
cisco, and Dr. G. A. Shurtleff, Superintendent State In- 
sane Asylum, Stockton. 



WILLIAMS' BALSAMIC CREAM OF ROSES 
is unsurpassed for beautifying the complexion and 
making the skin soft and nice. It is just the thing 
for chopped hands. For sale by all druggists or dealers 
in fancy goods. 



CONSUMPTION 



I have a positive re- 
medy for the above dis- 
ease ; by Us use tliotis- 
_ anas ot cases of the 
worst kind and of longstanding have been cured. Indeed, so strong 
■is my faith In Its efficacy, that I will sond TWO BOTTLES FREE, to- 
gether with a VALUABLE TREATISE on this disease, to any suffer- 
er. Give Express & P.O. address DB.T. A. 3L0CC11, lsi Pearl St., N.Y. 



Great Pacific Coast Spring; Mc<licine. 

TRY PFUNDER'S 



AC +-f\ ©ft A per. day at home. Samples worth §5 free. 



Address Stinson &, Co., Portland, Maine. 



$72 



A WEEK. S12 a day at home easily made. Costly Outfit 
free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



Liver ami Kidiiev It emulator. 



OREGON BLOOD 



A Skin of Beauty is a Joy Forever. ' 
DR. T. FELIX GOURAUD'S 

Oriental Cream, or Magical Beautifier, 

-pURIFIES as WELL A3 

-*■ BEAUTIFIES TilE SKIN, 

Removes Tan, Pimples, 
Freckles, Moth-Patches, 
and every blemish on beau- 
ty, and defies detection. It 
has stood the test of thirty 
years, and is so harmless 
we taste it to be sure the 
preparation is properly 
made. Accept no counter- 
feit of similar name. The 
distinguished Dr. L. A. . 
Sayre, said to a lady of the 
hant ton (a patient). As 
you ladies will use cream, I 
recommend ' GOORAUD'S 
Cream ' as the most harm- 
less of all the Skin preparations." One bottle will last six months, 
using it t every day. Also, Poudre Subtile removes superfluous 
hair without injury to the skin. 

Miie. M. B. T. GOURAUD, Sole Prop., 48 Bond St., New York. 
For sale by all Druggists and Fancy Goods Dealers throughout the 
United States, Canada and Europe. eow 




OWS'M, 




Electric Appliances are sent on 30 Days' TriaL 

TO MEN ONLY, YOUNG OR OLD, 

WHO are suffering from Nrrvous Debility, 
Lost Vitality, Lack of Nerve Force and 
Vigor, Wasting Weaknesses, and all those diseases 
o( a Personal Nature resulting from Abuses and 
Other Causes. Speedy relief and complete resto- 
ration of Health, Vigok and Manhood Guaranteed. 
The grandest discovery of the Nineteenth. Centura- 
Send at once (or Illustrated Pamphlet free. Address 

VOLTAIC BELT CO., MARSHALL. 




MANHOOD 



REST0I 



DR . LIE3IG, 400 Geary Street, continues 
to treat successfully every form of Chronic or Special Dis- 
ease 'without mercury, minerals or nauseous drugs. DR. 
LIEBIG'S INYIGORA.TOB is the only positive and perma- 
nent cure for nervous and physical debility, Iobb of manhood, 
weakness and all the terrible results of abused nature, exces- 
ses and youthful follies One thousand dollars will be for- 
feited for any case of weakness or special disease that the Doc- 
tor undertakes and fails to cure, if his directions are followed. 
The reason that thousands cannot get permanently cured, 
aft*r trying in vain, is owing to a complication called prosta- 
torrhea, which requires a special remedy. DR. LIEBIG'S 
^VIGORATOR, No. 2, is a specific for prostatorrhea. Price 
of either Invigorator $2 per bottle, or 6 bottles $10. Sent to 
any part of the country. Call or address DR. LIEBIG & CO., 
No. 400 Geary street, corner cjf Mason street, San Francisco.' 
Private entrance, 405 Mason street. eow 



CARDS 



New Styles: O'otd lievdud Midge and 
Chroma Visiting Cards finest quality ', 
largest variety and lowest prices, 50 

chromos with name, 10c, a present 

loUheachorder.VLiiiioiiliROS. & Co.,<JUntunvllle,Conn. 

TO THE UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr. Gibbon's Dispensary. 

£»OQ KEARNY STREET, SAN 
^7) ^O Francisco— Established 
in 1854 for the treatment and cure of 
Special Diseases. Lost Manhood, De- 
bility, or diseases wearing on body 
and mind, permanently cured. The 
sick and afflicted should not fail to 
call upon him. The Doctor has tra- 
veled extensively in Europe, and in* 
spectea thoroughly the various hos- 
pitals there, obtaining a great deal of 
valuable information, which he is 
competent to impart to those in need 
™J^of his services. DR. GIBBON will 
'^^? , ^^^^^^^^^W^ make no charge unless he effects a 
cure. PeraonB at a distance may be CURED AT HuME. All 
communications strictly confidential." Charges resonable. Call 
or write. Address DR. J. F. GIBBON, Box- 1957, San Fran, 
cisco. t Say you saw this advertisement in the WASP. 

patiim, Sick -headache and Biliousness entirely eured 

PURIFIER! 




See Local. 



THE WASP. 



11 



THE MECCA OF FLIRTATION, 



By a Pilgrimi 

What there is in the ordinarily prosaic dusty - 
carpeted staircase which suggests flirtation to the 
powerful minds of society's belles and beaux, is a 
lark and impenetrable mystery; but the fact re- 
mains, and from the rickety malodorous backstairs 
vf Tehama street, whore the frowsy servant girl 
encompasseth her policeman, to the imitation-ma- 
hogany balustrade of Nob Hill, the phenomenon is 
apparent. 

Whenever there is a gathering of the oleomar- 
garine de la oleomargarine* of San Francisco fash- 
ionables the staircase plays a prominent part, and 
its devotees are more numerous than a society re- 
porter's brains, or honest men in Congress. The 
custom was probably, originated by some level- 
headed girl, who either could not dance, or was 
troubled with enlargement of the feet, which ex- 
posed her to the carefully audible gibes of her 
amiable contemporaries, and she hit upon this 
lucky expedient to maintain an equality with other 
fair husband-anglers. The fashion thus set has 
grown popular, and now no sooner does a young 
woman set eyes on a staircase than she's ".so tired ; 
let's sit down." Of course the animated claw- 
hammer coat on the arm of which she leans as- 
sents, and then— tableau — she is on the stairs, one 
step higher than the swain, looking unutterable 
things at his preposterous nose, while he assumes 
a fascinating, balconyscene attitude and returns 
glances of melting tenderness, resembling the 
watery eagerness of an expectant dog, when a bone 
is imminent. 

Then a thoughtless reveler passing below makes 
some remark in a shout about "flirts," or a "tete-a- 
hte" and their reward has come. Of course both 
of them pretend not to have heard, but the bridling 
feminine satisfaction instantly beams forth, eclipsed 
only by the killingly conquering masculine com- 
placence. The lady feels an exultation akin to 
that of the '49er who had just made an addition to 
his private graveyard, and the other inwardly de- 
clares himself a sly dog who ought to be ashamed 
of being so irresistable, feels that he is a des- 
perately wicked and deceitful Don Juan, and is 
happy in his guilt. What they say to each other 
is a matter of indifference. The position on the 
stairs answers every purpose, and when Dun Juan 
makes a feeble-minded remark, such as "Do you 
like dancing?" he is rewarded by a look of tender- 
ness which would charm the heart of a wheelbar- 
row. One of the peculiarities of flirting is that 
the appearance is equal to the reality, and since 
the staircase affords facilities for assuming the 
shadow to young ladies who are incapable of com- 
manding the substance, no wonder they nock 
thither. Go to the staircase thou sluggard ; ogle 
thy partner and confound thy rivals. 



*Vulgus, creme dc la creme. 



As if there had not been enough of disaster to 
signalize the first month of the new year, we read 
that A. L. Bancroft & Co. have severed all connec- 
tion with Professor Alonzo Phelps, and furthermore 
that the firm never has been responsible for any of 
his obligations or promises. There is a.chivalric 
ring about the name Alonzo that suggests the faith- 
less knight of the ballad who wooed the fair Imo- 
gene. By the way, Imogene was the faithless one, 
and we do the memory of Alonzo an injustice when 
we insinuate that he was untrue to his vows. If 
our memory is correct regarding this later Alonzo 
— Professor Alonzo Phelps — he was the jackal that 
scented out the biographical carcass for the worthy 
publishing firm. When Alonzo the Brave found a 
citizen vain enough, and rich enough, and foolish 
enough to pay two or three hundred dollars for the 
privilege of being enrolled in that dubious gang 
entitled the " Representative Men of the Pacific 
Coast " he led him to the Bancroft den, took his 
photograph, jotted down the particulars of his 
measles and teething days, and the bargain was 
clinched there and then. But these worthy peo- 
ple have quarreled and Alonzo's drafts on the 
Bancrofts will be honored no mom We should 
like to know what they fought about. Was it a 
" divvy " on some biography bonanza ? 



A recent writer in the China Review exemplifies 
the difficulties surrounding interpretation from Chi- 
nese into English, or vice versa, by mentioning that | 



the simple question, Was he for she) dead ? which 
occurs so frequently in inquests and other judicial 
proceedings, admits of a positive or negative reply 
according to whether the European or Chinese idea 
as to when death occurs be followed. We believe 
that a man is dead when he lias ceased to breathe, 
and when his blood no longer circulates ; the Chi- 
neae consider him still alive while a trace of 
warmth lingers in the body. The two estimates 
may thus differ by several hours. Hence it was 
that in inquests in Hongkong the time of death 
formed a stumbling-block in almost every Chinese 
case. The medical evidence would show that the 
deceased must have been dead when brought to 
the hospital, while the relatives would swear he 
was alive at the gate. Subsequent inquiry showed 
that the general view among the Chinese was that 
a person is considered to be dead when the body is 
cold, and not before. This important disagreement 
does not affect the investigations conducted here. 
In California Americans and Chinese unite in con- 
sidering a man dead when he has gone to work in 
a powder mill. 



The daily newspapers are making the customary 
exposure of theft. This time it is in the street de- 
partment. This branch of the public disservice 
has been a nest of thieves from the founding of 
the city. There has never been a time when it 
was honestly conducted, and nobody has ever 
thought it to be so. It is apparently maintained 
for no other purpose than to permit such fellows 
as ex-Supervisor Parrish to enrich his rascally 
backers and his relatives while remaining indubi- 
tably poor and conspicuously honest himself. It 
costs more in San Francisco to sweep a street or 
unchoke a sewer than it ought to cost to make one ; 
and after all it is the very nastiest city in the 
world, and its people die of malaria, diphtheria 
and all manner of preventible disease faster than 
the devil can replace them. It serves the men and 
women right, but what have the babies done to the 
Superintendent of Streets ? 



According to the Denver Trillion: —famous for its 
" Fables " — Miss Kate Castleton is lying ill in that 
town and the young woman who plays with the 
Rice Surprise Party here is a substitute — Miss 
Castleton's doppelganger, as it were. If the Sur- 
prise Party keeps relays of Kate Castleton in the 
various places that it visits, the lady's performances 
must have a freshness and vivacity that are peren- 
nial ; and we see no good reason why her long il- 
lustrious line should not be spun out to the crack 
o' doom and remote posterity enjoy her as much 
as we do. We are ourselves so well satisfied with 
the pseudo Kate Castleton that our anxiety for the 
recovery of the genuine Denver article is a merely 
sentimental solicitude, hardly worthy to rank as an 
emotion. We think our Castleton quite as nice as 
our Denver contemporary's, and she has the added 
advantage of lively health. But "for goodness' 
sake don't say we told you ! " 



When the drama fails and art becomes a burden 
Mme. Bernhardt-Daniala can, as a final resort, 
give lessons in the science of puffiing and be'Sure 
no patent-medicine man could rival her therein. 
Here is a recent example of her genius. A weekly 
illustrated paper in Paris, called Panurge, announced 
that it would the next week give a full account of 
"Fedora," M. Sardou, and Sara. Forthwith she 
sent a messenger to the editor, saying that she 
heard they were going to publish a drawing which 
was an exact copy of the photograph she had taken 
of herself in her coffin, and that if they did she 
would invoke the law and have the edition confis- 
cated. Of course, she hadn't heard any such yarn 
nor had they intended doing any such thing. But 
true to her word, she had the police there ready to 
seize the whole issue of the paper in case it con- 
tained the picture — which it did not. However, 
the affair got into all the papers, set all the boule- 
vardiers agog with curiosity and their tongues wag- 
ging and gave Sara a tremendously big free adver- 
tisement — an end that crowned her work to her su- 
preme satisfaction.— N. Y. Tribime, 



A religious tract, called " Put Not Your Trust in 
Princes," was thrown into the saloon of a simple 
old German. He read the title and soliloquized : 
" Veil, I don't put some trust in brinces. Dey 
must pay der cash in dis shop chust der same as 
vite mans." 



TALK ABOUT THEATERS. 

During the past week no lead than four novel perform- 
ances were introduced at the different theaters in this 
city. Esmeralda at the Baldwin, Pop at the Bush Street 
[Theater, Iolantlu at the Winter Garden and the disap- 
pearance of Youth and its managers at the Grand Opera 
Souse, 

Esmeralda is one of the few plays— and the Madison 
Square troupe one of the few companies— that do not fall 
short of their annonncem mts. Esmeralda is such a pure- 
ly told story, and the people who move in it are so ex- 
tremely good, that it is a marvel how so simple a plot can 
he so engrossing. In the absence of villainy and the su- 
perabundance of goodness, the characterization is restrict- 
ed tu simple vagaries and idiosyncracies of human nature ; 
but the fact of its being truly human and natural is faith- 
fully and loyally adhered to. Even the blight of the 
Parisian atmosphere is unable to mar the idyllic tenden- 
cies of the homebodies, whose first acquaintance is made 
in "North Carliny." 

Pop/ What a vision of sparkling exhilaration that 
name provokes. And the people who move in the play of 
that title seem to appreciate its import to the fullest ex- 
tent. The play is frothy, gauzy, like its name, but the 
fun is just as crisp and effervescent as champagne. 
Beauty, wit, grace and music are each embodied, and 
what is still better, have each a special representative. 
The Kay masquerade of eccentricity flashes amid the fizz 
and bubble of fun ; songs and dances, choruses and speci- 
alities while away the hour and staid folk laugh like 
children and forget their cares. 

At the Winter Garden Gilbert and Sullivan's Iolanthe 
attracts attention. The libretto is extremely amusing 
and in the true Gilbertian vein ; it is only a pity that 
most of the satire is of so local a character that much of 
its application must here, perforce, remain unintelligible. 
The music is clever, hut does not compare favorably with 
other works by Sullivan ; hut take it all in all the per- 
formance is an enjoyable one. 

Despite the numerous counter-attractions, Kmeraon's 
Minstrels do not suffer by comparison. An entirely new 
hill, and some additions to the personnel of the company, 
attract crowds of people. 

At the Tivoli Traviata "coughs her life away" to the 
music of Verdi. Traviata, is one of the best performed 
operas of the number of lyric works produced at the 
Tivoli. 

A concert for the benefit of the sufferers by the recent 
inundations in Germany has been arranged to take 
place at Piatt's Hall on the evening of January 25th. 



FRESH EPITAFFY, 



Here lies the body of Susan Lowder, 
Who burst while drinking a seidlitz powder. 
Called from this world to her heavenly rest, 
She should have waited till it effervesced. 



When dear papa went up to heaven, 
What grief mamma endured! 
And yet that grief was softened, for 
Papa he was insured ! 

Amanda Jane has gone to rest ; 
She's laid her head on Abraham's breast. 
To tell the truth, and not to sham, 
It's awfully rough on Abraham. 



Under the sod 
And under these trees 
Lieth the body of Solomon Pease. 
He's not in this hole, 
But only his pod ; 
He shelled out his soul 
And went up to his God. 



Stranger, pause and drop a tear, 

For Mary Jane lies buried here ; 

Mingled in a most surprising manner 

With Susan, Maria, and portions of Hannah. 



Mammy and I together lived 
Just two years and a half. 
She went first, I followed next- 
The cow before the calf. 



Tins .stone was raised by Sarah's lord — 
Not Sarah's virtues to record. 
For they're well known to all the town — 
But it was raised to keep her down. 



12 



THE WASP. 



THE CAPITAL OF THE COMMONWEALTH.-II. 



Special Correspondence of the Wasp. 



Sacramento, Jan. So, 188S. 
The daily newspapers have already given a lurid 
picture of the revel called " the inaugural ball." 
Tall columns of type and barrels of ink have been 
necessary to the composition. California street 
has been electrified and Tar Flat stunned by the 
polysyllabic adjectives of adulation. The North 
Beach schoolma'am and the Hayes A r alley milliner 
h%ve swooned in ecstasy over the accounts, and in 
the mental unreserve of their midnight dreams 
have seen the " kaleidescopic brilliancy," and the 
"phantasmagorical magnificence" of the ball in- 
tensified by their own participation iu the enno 
bled character of an Assemblyman's wife. As a 
matter of course those accounts were as inaccurate 
as the biblical history of the deluge or the unaided 
orthography of Senator Tim McCarthy. The ball 
was neither a "gorgeous creation of the magician's 
wand," nor a "fairy scene of indescribable beauty. " 
How could it be with such fairies as Charley 
Gildea, a member of the State 
Board of Equalization capering a- 
round in swallow-tail coat and white 
gloves that looked like the balloon- 
gib of the Nellie spread out in a stiff 
South-wester. The sketch that is 
here presented is as accurate as the 
art of instantaneous photography 
could make it. The camera was 
turned on the distinguished states- 
man and his beautiful partner just 
as he was bending his manly form 
for the last figure of the opening 
quadrille. It is almost unnecessary 
to offer this explanation, as the ex- 
traordinary energy which is dis- 
played in the simultaneous eleva- 
tion of both feet from the floor and 
the violent agitation of Mr. Gildea's 
coat-tails, indicate the unexpended 
enthusiasm of the first stage of tin 
revel. The devotees of the fash- 
ionable dance with its languid con- 
volutions may object to the sylph 
like rapidity of motion displayed by 
Mr. Gildea, but it should be re- 
membered that the festive equalizer 
of assessments learned to dance be- 
fore the modern school was invented. 
The insinuation is not that Mr. Gildea learned to 
dance while the tread-mill was in vogue as an 
effective corrector of youthful errors. This is 
stated for the benefit of those cynical persons who 
imagine that any clouded reference to a State 
office-holder must necessarily be a disguised alle- 
gation that a hot stove would not discourage him. 
No such charge could seriously hold for a moment 
against a gentleman of Mr. Gildea's well estab- 
lished reputation. At the same time, and at this 
short distance from the spirited photograph of the 
State Equalizer, it would be foolish to deny that he 
stepped wonderfully high in the opening quadrille 
of "the inaugural 1 '; but to those who reflected 
for a moment that the bogs of Connemara are very 
soft, the exhibition of agility was more indicative 
of undiminished patriotism than anything else. 
There were other dancers of celebrity around Mr. 
Gildea. The floor bristled with them ; men famed 
in the world of politics, and famed in the world of 
fashion. That glowing pink of style, Executive 
Secretary Dam, was revolving under the blaze of 
the chandeliers like one of Mr. Flavin's eighteen- 
carat paste diamonds on Saturday night. That 
versatile journalist, Ned Townsend of the Call, was 
brushing the cobwebs off the ceiling with his inde- 
pendent bristles, so proudly and high did he carry 
the repository of brains which Mr. Pickering opens 
to its fullest when my near relative. Senator 
Gilhooly of Brannan street, gives one of his Sun- 
day night kettledrums. Senator Harrigan was 
tiptoeing the tag end of the night as nimbly as one 
of the goats that browse on the lowering brow of 
his native Telegraph Hill. Senator Frank Sulli- 
van (with the accent on the a, as in Paree) was 
stalking through the halls of pride and pleasure 
like the majestic ghost of Brian Boru on a moon- 
light pasear through Tara's Hall. Assemblyman 
O'Connor, forgetful of his late misfortune in hav- 
ing backed a plebeian from proud Petaluma 
"black and red" against a blue-blooded Bush 
street "Doninick," made the floor trembled as he 
hummed: 



" Hands around and thin cross over, 
Welt the flure, yer trotters shake. 
Hell to yer sowl, Paddy Plover ; 
This is as good as Lannigan's wake." 

Sergeant-at-arms Farrelly, who had snatched an 
hour from Con. Mooney's seance, spun round in the 
embrace of a Yolo grass widow until the feathers 
flew out of his pockets and made little Senator 
Ryan shiver with the idea that the skylight was 
letting in a snow shower. It would be impossible 
in this brief article to describe all the marvelously 
graceful dancers that were spinning over the floor, 
and yet through the moving bouquets of beauty and 
the waving conservatories of talent, the festive 
State Equalizer loomed up with the unconscious 
prominence of a bull frog on a water lilly. The 
only person who, in the language of the poet, gave 
Mr. Gildea " a shake," was Colonel Burtiss Burtiss, 
chief bottle washer to the late lamented Samuel 
Backus, High Cockalorum of the Military Mutual 
A.id and Admiration Association and Brevet Boss 
of the N. G. C. (Notable Galoot Combination.) 
As a matter of justiea, Colonel Burtiss should have 
been disqualified from competition with Mr. Gildea 




as he set the shining merits of gilt uniform 
against the plain elegance of Mr. Gildea's claw- 
hammer. A picture of the illuminated Colonel 
would be given, but before the camera could be 
focussed on the blistering rays of his shoulder- 
straps, the glass split. Before the damage could be 
repaired the dancing ceased, and as many of th 
guests as could beat the record got to the supper- 
table. Three hundred and fifty who could do no 
better than ten seconds for the hundred yards, and 
would be slightly incommoded if they met a fugi- 
tive band of steers on Long Bridge, made a dash 
for the railing in the rotunda, from which they 
could feed their eyes while their stomach grew 
riotous. This lovely engraving illus- 
trates the easy grace with which the 
three hundred and fifty hungry guests 
leaned over the railing and watched 
the San Francisco delegation giving its 
beautiful and marvelous exhibition of 
sword-swallowing. The Hon. Phil Fay, 
who had prudently concealed himself 
in the celler several hours before the 
supper was announced, succeeded in 
obtaining a prominent place at the 
board and at the first glance pronounced 
the feast thoroughly "rekerky. " A 
Siskiyou statesman who was flavoring 
his crab salad with Charlotte Russe 
agreed with Mr. Fay, but rather ques- 
tioned the propriety of leaving the 
table ungarnished with some good hot 
saleratus buscuit and a few pieces of fried bacon. 
The majority of the distinguished statesmen care- 
fully avoided the jellies, and those who did attempt 
to carve the transparent and unsubstantial dish 
were visibly laboring under the fear that they were 
attacking the ghost of a Sacramento turkey. A 
few hayseed Senators, of a less superstitious turn 
of mind, hinted that fried mucilage was not a fa- 
vorite dish in their section. Some of the more 
daring and irreverent joked about boiled ice, but 
the superstitiously serious and the flippantly face- 



tious were visibly relieved when that intrepid 
epicure, Assemblyman Biff, shook some pepper over 
a large jelly and infused it with the spirit of a half 
pint of vinegar and a spoonful of mustard. There 
was brief satisfaction along the whole length of the 
table when the waiters distributed the turkey, but 
the smiles of pleasure deepened into the frowns of 
aggravated hunger after the first futile asault. 
Senator Cronin who thinks nothing of extracting a 
spike from the sidewalk with his teeth, for a small 
bet, failed to leave the print of his cultured jaw on 
the fragment of antiquity that was handed him by 
one of the disguised emisaries of the Dental Asso- 
ciation who officiated as waiters. Assemblyman 
Murphy, who has cultivated great molar power by 
hanging on to the Democratic vote of the Potrero 
by the skin of his teeth, denounced his fragment 
of poultry as a patent celluloid imitation frequently 
used at fashionable weddings in the Ninth and 
Tenth Wards to give a false idea of the wealth and 
prodigality of the contracting parties. When the 
waiter handed the venerable Assemblyman Mat- 
thews his piece of imperishable poultry the tears 
rolled into the kindly statesman's eyes, so tender 
and melancholy were the recollections of '44 that 
were roused by the sight of the venerable relic. 
When the fact became apparent that without a 
buzz-saw it would be impossible to do the turkey 
justice, the band of baffled lawmakers turned their 
knives to the chicken salad, and this exhilarating 
picture 




Presented itself to the camera. Notwithstanding 
the skill and courage displaj'ed by the hungry 
statesmen in dispensing with that relic of imma- 
ture civilization, the fork, several fearful accidents 
occurred. It was not so much the personal incon- 
venience which the mishaps occasioned, but rather 
the shadow of distrust that it raised between the 
caterers of the splendid feast and their voracious 
patrons. Several times during the continuance of 
the raid in the salad whole rows of knives disap- 
peared. Contractor Creighton not only engulfed 
his carving knife in the region of his midriff but 
swallowed three spoons while filling the awful void 
under his vest with coffee and lemonade. The ac- 
companying photograph shows the discomfiture of 
the waiter on arriving for the fourth time in sight 
of the San Francisco delegation and finding them 
rapidly consuming the last instalment of cutlery. 




Did space permit I should relate with pleasure the 
stories that went round the steaming coffee cup and 
reproduce the flashes of wit that mingled with the 
gleaming rows of knives. I should describe the 
amplitude of arm and the fullness of bust that were 
UDfolded to the enraptured gaze of the respected 
legislators. I should depict the Egyptian voluptu- 
ousness of outline and the roseate hues of hose that 
made the chair of the most conspicuous blonde from 
the Palace Hotel a shrine of Venus over which 
every devotee, from the callow statesman from San 



THE WASP. 



13 



Joaquin to the full fledged cavalier from San -Ma- 
teo, reverently bowed. Hut space forbids, and I 
can only portray General Bamberger 




As I found him. sitting behind a copy of the Waspin 

the seclusion of the Sergeant-at-Arms' office. The 
General acknowledged me with his childlike simper, 
and lifting the pupils of his mild eves over the rim 
of his spectacles, said : " I vos sittin' in frund auf 
Gundractor Grayton und he shvollow dree spoons 
und a garvin' knife, und I dink beraps he mish- 
dakes me as a fryin' pan and shvollow me doo— vat 
you dinks, eh I — so I gum oop und I read the Vasp. 
Goin' home ? Good-py." "Good-bye," said your 
correspondent. Per»-ival Gilhooly. 



LITERARY NOTES. 



Mr. Ben. C. Truman i> 1 1 1 ■- author and compiler ol a 
work entitled Th> Tourinti Guidt of California. The 
text compriftea spirited descriptions of many of the note I 
show placed and resorts "f this State, and the range of tin- 
book i' wide enough to include Shasta Butte and the Gil- 
roy M ul Springs. Mr. Truman has enlivened hi* pa 
with copious quotations from the poets, mingled with 
raises of iii> own. tie is sometimes rivacious, seldpm 
trivial and never dull except where the exigencies "f the 
statistical situation compel him to be; though naturally 
some of tlii_- most useful parte <<f the book under the head- 
ing " Routes of Travel " are not very wildly exhilarating. 
The book is in the gorgeous paper covers beloved "f the rail- 
way bookseller, and embellished with a multitude of en- 
gravings, most of which are pretty bad. It is published 
by H. S. Crocker & Co., ->f San Francisco, rather obvi- 
ously in the interest of the Central and Southern Pacific 
Railroads, but on the whole is a very creditable bit of 
work and decidedly useful withal. 

The frontispiece of the February Century is a portrait 
of Mr. George William Curtis, hy Cole, exhibiting all 
that famous engraver's virtues and vices of method and 
execution— his strong modeling and his meaningless misti- 
ness. A paper on "American Etchers" contains wood- 
engraved copies of their work, illustrating in a lamentable 
way the foolhardihood of the artists who are determined 
that the capabilities of wood engraving shall cover the 
whole field of graphic representation, even if the art per- 
ish in the attempt. Neither a painting, a steel engraving 
nor an etching can be copied in wood. It can be trans- 
lated, and if these ambitious gentlemen would recognize 
the limitations of their art they could give us the spirit of 
the other arts, which, so long as they attempt their meth- 
ods, they can never do. The Century contains the usual 
variety of "'prose and worse" and the usual range of en- 
graving, from good to execrable. 

We acknowledge the receipt of the following pamphlets : 
Reports of the President and the Secretary of the Board 
of Regents of the Stite University ; Report of the Trus- 
tees of the State Normal School ; Bulletin No. (i of the | 
TJniversitv, and— Heaven save us !— a publication of the | 
Mege Pacific Commercial Company giving a touching ac- 



< "nut .if the struggles of bull-butter to get down the pub- 
lic throat despite the repeated inversions of the public 
stomach. 



PACIFIC BUSINESS COLLEGE. 

On rii,' outside coverof this issue of the Wan can be 
Been the large advertisement <>( tin- above named popular 
institution for learning. Messrs. I lhan berlain and Rob- 
inson are practical teachers and in bigh standing with the 
public. Full Life scholarship! for ;i perfect business course 
is only $70. Day and evening sessions the year round. 
See advertisement. 



PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 

The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 1882 
64,188 barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in this city. {Sec Official Report, 
U. S. Internal Revenue, January, 1883.) The beer from 
this brewery has a Pacific Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 

■ Humanity's great hope for the future is alone to be 
realized in improved condition of matrimony. What a 
profound obligation does this fact involve ! Those who 
realize the responsibility can hardly do better than take 
advice from Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham whose wonderful 
remedies for the cure of all diseases peculiar to women are 
so justly celebrated. Send for pamphlet. 



$66 



:i week in your own town. Terms ami 85 outfit free. 
dress II. Ballet & Co., Portland, Uaine. 



KIDNEY- WORT 



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i_ ?i HI 1 ^*S5 Fot com Pl^iQts peculiar 
kaUICJt to your sex, such as pain 
and weaknesses, Kidney-Wort is unsurpassed, 
as it will act promptly and safely. 

Either Sex. Incontinence, retention o." urine, 
brick dustor ropy deposits, anddull dragging 
pains, all speedily yield to its curative power, 
i3- SOLD BY ALL DETJGGIST3. Price SI.* 



KIDN;Eyt\VDRT 



OLIVE BUTTER. 

An Absolutely Pure Vegetable Oil. 



MANUFACTURED 



P. Y 



ASHINCTON BUTCHER'S SONS, PHILADELPHIA. 

For Cooking Purposes is better than Lard. Full)" equal to Butter, and at much less cost than either. 
ONE POUND OP OLIVE BUTTER WILL DO THE WORK OF TWO POUNDS OF LARD, 

OLIVE BUTTER means health, economy and cleanliness ; absolute freedom from all adulterations of any kind. 

We present OLIVE BUTTER to the public with the conviction that it will permanently take the place of Lard and Butter for culinary purposes. It 
needs but a single trial to demonstate its great value and merits ; and we guarantee it for the following qualities, viz : 

It is a pure vegetable product, free from adulterations and is much more nutritious than lard or butter. It remains perfectly sweet in every climate 
and is unaffected by age ; hence it never becomes rancid. It is much cheaper than lard or butter and requires but half the quantity to attain the same 
results in cooking. Articles of food cooked with it retain their natural flavor ; no greasy taste is imparted, the oil not being so readily absorbed as ordinary 
lard or butter, because it is a vegetable product. 

The fact that we are and have been for many years manufacturers and refiners of lard — our trade amounting to millions of pounds annually— and now 
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DIRECTIONS: 

Use in the same manner for cooking as you would lard or butter, only use half the quantity for the same purposes. Put up in 60-pound cases of 3, 5 
and 10 pound cans. For sale by all grocers. 

W. J. HOUSTON & Co., Sole Agents, 

JSTo. 37 Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



14 



THE WASP- 



DANTE'S INFERNO REVISED. 



Satan — " Who are you ?" 

" A bank cashier.'' 

"Defaulter?" 

" Yes." 

" How much V 

1 ' $2,000,000." 

" Felix, give him a top seat, away from the fire, 
where it is nice and cool. Never mind thanking 
me, Mr. Cashier. You're welcome. But who is 
this V 

No. 2. — " A bank cashier." 

(; Defaulter V 

"Yes." 

"How much?" 

"$8,000." 

" Here, Felix, take this fellow and give him a 
seat right on to}) of the stove." 



SPRING 1883. 
As Spring with its change of weather creates a revolu- 
tion in the very bowels of the earth, so does Pfunder's 
celebrated Oregen Blood Purifier create the desired change 
in the human system. The best is always the cheapest, 
and health at any price is ever desirable. Use this medi- 
cine ; enjoy good health and save money ; SI a bottle, six 
for S5. 

%* " No eye like the master's eye." Had „rEsop lived 
in our day he might well have added, " No popular cura- 
tive like Kidney-Wort." All eyes are beginning to turn 
to it for relief from diseases of the liver, bowels and kid- 
neys. Kidney- Wort is nature's remedy for them all. 
Those that cannot prepare the dry can now procure it in 
liquid form of any druggist. 

No family should be without the celebrated White Rose 
Flour, made from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebeubaum, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaum & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
streets, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. JU Cook & 
Co., corner Grove and Laguna streets, Reddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder & Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd & Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withram, corner Davis and Clay streets. 

Ask for "Brook's" machine cotton. Experienced op- 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it. Glace" 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. " Machine 
Cotton " printed on the cover of every box. For sale by 
all dealers. 

Remarkable for overcoming diseases caused by impure 
water, decaying vegetation, etc., is Brown's Iron Bitters. 

DENTISTRY. 

C. (). Dean, D. D. S., 126 Kearny street, San Francisco. 



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Jeremiah Wright, of Marion County, W. Va., writes 
us that his wife had Pulmonary Consumption, and was 
pronounced INCURABLE by their physician, when the use 
of Allen's Lung Balsam entirely cured her. He writes 
that he and his neighbors think it the best medicine in the 
world. 

Wll. C. Digcins, Merchant of Bowling Green, Va., 
writes April 4, 18S1, that he wants us to know that the 
Lung Balsam has cured his mother of consumption, after 
the physicians had given her up as incurable. He says 
others knowing her case have taken the Balsam and been 
cured ; he thinks all so afflicted should give it a trial. 

Dr. Meredith, Dentist, of Cincinnati, was thought to 
be in the last Stages of Consumption and was induced 
by his friends to try Allen's Lung Balsam after the form- 
ula was shown him. We have his letter that it at once 
cured his cough and that he was able to resume his prac- 
tice. 

Wm. A. Graham & Co., Wholesale Druggists, Zanes- 
ville, Ohio, writes us of the cure of Mathias Freeman, a 
well-known citizen, who had been afflicted with Bronchitis 
in its worst form for twelve years. The Lung Balsam 
cured him, as it has many others, of Bronchitis. 

It is harmless to the most delicate child ! 

It contains no Opium in any form ! 
Recommended by Physicians, Ministers and Nurses. 
. In fact by everybody who has given it a good trial IT 
NEVER PAILS TO BRING RELIEF. 

Call for Allen's Lung Balsam, and shun the use of all 
remedies without merit and an established reputation. 
As an Expectorant it has no Equal ! 

Sold l>y till Mcdltliie Dealers. 



Suffer 



no longer from Dyspep- 
sia, Indigestion, want of 
Appetite,loss of Strength 
lack of Energy, Malaria, 
Intermittent Fevers, &c. 
BROWN'S IRON BIT- 
TERS never fails to cure 
all these diseases. 



Boston, November 26, 1881. 
Brown Chemical Co. 

Gentlemen: — For years I have 
been agreat sufferer from Dyspepsia, 
and could get no relief (having tried 
everything which was recommend- 
ed) until, acting on the advice of a 
friend, who had been benefitted by 
Brown's Iron Bitters, I tried a 
bottle, with most surprising results. 
Previous to taking Brown's Iron 
Bitters, everything 1 ate distressed 
me, and I suffered greatly from a 
burning sensation in the stomach, 
which was unbearable. Since tak- 
ing Brown's Iron Bitters, all iny 
troubles are at an end. Can eat any 
time without any disagreeable re- 
sults. I am practically another 
person. Mrs. W J. Flynn, 

30 Maverick St., E. Boston, 



BROWN'S IRON BIT- 
TERS acts like a charm 
on the digestive organs, 
removing all dyspeptic 
symptoms, such as tast- 
ing the food, Belching, 
Heat in the Stomach, 
Heartburn, etc. The 
only Iron Preparation 
that will not blacken the 
teeth or give headache. 

Sold by all Druggists. 

Brown Chemical Cq. 

Baltimore, Md. 

See that all Iron Bitters are made by 
Brown Chemical Co., Baltimore, and 
have crossed red lines and trade- 
mark on wrapper. 

BEWARE OF IMITATIONS. 




OUR NEW 

TIME -KEEPER. 

A Little Wonder. 

Just what everybody needs. Farmers, Mechanics 
Business Men. or Boys can now own 11 Perfect Time- 
Keeper. Tlic Little Wonder Time-Keeper is NO HUM- 
BUG, nor is it a cheap toy. It is a thoroughly rulinhlc 
teller of the time of day, in a handsome silver nickel 
hunting-case, and fullv warranted. Cheap Watches 
are as a general tiling poor time-keepers, hut the 
Utile Wnmli-r ciin always In- relied upon. Our offer: 

We wan 300,000 new readers for our 
paper immediately, and in order to obtain them and 
introduce it into every home in the Union, we arc 
tinwnmkiiiR extraordinary offers. We will send our 
new paper, entitled "Youth." for the next three 
months to all who will send us thirty-three cents in 
one-cent postage stamps, to help pny postage and cost 
of this advertisement; and to each person we will 
s'l'iid ahsnlitleiy free one of the T ittle 'Wonder 
Time- Keeper's. Anyone sendins SI .00 for three 

■ iwrriptii >ns will receive paiier ami Thne-Keeperfree. 

YOUTH is a l;in:c :;_>-(■<. himn Illustrated Literary 
:.ii<l Family Paper, filled with bright and sparkling 
Mnries, Sketches, Poems, Household Notes, Puzzles, 
Pictures, etc.; in fact, everything 10 amuse and in- 
struct the whole family circle. We know that yon 
will be more than pleased. Address at once, Youth 
P-iblishing Co., 27 Doane St., Boston, Mas;. 



AMUSEMENTS. 



German Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie Genee 

SUNDAY, - - _ "JANUARY 28th, 

Farewell benefit of 
I IE 1 N C I S C A EI19IGNKEI C II , 

In her celebrated Comedy part, as 

DONNA DIANA. 

Friday. February 4th, benefit of R. BOJOCK, 

L'Arronge's newest Comedy, in 3 acts, 

DIE SORGLOSEN. 



Winter Garden. 

Stockton street, between Post and Sutter. 
Stahl & Maack proprietor 

First week and unbounded success of Gilbert 
and Sullivan's latest sensation 

IOLANTHE ! 

(Ok the Peek and the Perl) 
Produced with a powerful cast. 

Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and MaBon. 
EjtELiNG Bb.08 Proprietors and Manage™ 

Grand success of Verdi's Lyric Opera 

LA^ TRAVIATA! 

Produced with powerful cast and magnificent scenery. 



Baldwin Theater. 

GUSTAYE FKOHMAN Lessee 

ESMERALDA 

A Splriuliri Sncccss ! A Slcinlid Success ! 

EVERY EVENING (excepting Sunday) AND SAT- 
URDAY MATINEE. 

The Madison Square 

HOME COMPANY. 



Magnificent Singe Set ling ami a IEi illianl 
Performance. 



When your wife's health is bad, when your children are 
sickly, when you feel worn out, use Brown's Iron Bitters. 

68T Don't wear dingy or faded things when the ten- 
cent Diamond Dye will make them good as new. They 
are perfect. 



MARVELLOUS CHANGE OF SCENE. 

MASQUERADE BALL! 

VEREIN EINTRACHT 




Saturday Evening, Feb'y 10th 

AT THE 

MECHANICS' PAVILION. 



1 LOOK TICKETS (for Maskers only), 
SPECTATORS, ...... 



- $1 
50 frills 



A false face alone will not be recognized as Mask. 

All Maskers must be in Costume or Domino. 

Cars will run ALL NIGHT. 

Doors open at 7 o'clock, P. M. 

Concert at 8 o'clock, P. M, 

Grand March at SI o'clock, precisely. 

THE COMMITTEE. 



■ry "OUR LITT LE BEAUTIES"- 



Round and Pressed 
- CIGARETTES. " 



Pure, Mild, ALLEN & GINTBR, 

Fragrant and Sweet. Manufacturers. Richmond. Vn. 



o 

o 



o 

w 

a 

w 

w 

o 
d 

w 

w 

o 

o 
w 

C/3 



p. o 

CD H 

St wj 

p. » 

H 



CO 

en 

w 

CD 

R 

CD 
CD 




XCOI.Ii 



POPULAR PRICES ! 

LARGE STOCK! 




POPULAR TAILOR! 

Men's and Boys' 



E, r* 



POPULAR STYLES 



IV. en's Furnishing Goods, i 



Ready-IVIade Chilling. And Fancy Neckwear. 

Samples with Instructions for Self-Measurement Sent Free. 816 & 818 Market Street, Sail Francisco. 



NEW 

ENGLAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 




Alum 

Hour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Cream Tartar and Bi-Carb. Sofia 
NOTHING ELSE 

Newton Bros J Co. 



SAN FRANCISCO 



SIBERIAN ZB^ZLS-A-IIVi: 

CURES Catarrh, Asthma, Croup, Coughs, Colds, Affec- 
tions of the Bronchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases of the Kidneys and. Urinary Organs It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause. 

DEPOT. 115 MONTGOMERY STREET. Fur salt' by all Druggists. 



N. Van Bergen & Co., 

SOLE AGESTS FOR 

"COLD DUST" WHISKEY. 

413 flay Sired, 

SAN FRANCISCO. California. 



B. 



«■ Ask For 

illows Deer 

Brewed by 0. FAUSS & Co. 

WILLOWS BREWERY. 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 19th St3., San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY. 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR TO 

MASSEY 4 YUNG, 
No. «.-. l SACRAMENTO STREET. 

First House below Kearny. San Francisco. 



"JESSE MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior in 

QUALITY. 




PianoS 



AN 

Extraordinary Razor 

HAS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 
ia bo THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO RE- 
QURE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
glides over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
shaving quite a luxury. It ia CREATING A 
GREAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
experts, who pronounce it PERFECTION. 
Two dollars in buffalo handle ; S3 in ivory. 
Every Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
reverse side the name of \ ITU IN JOSEPH, 
641 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
the United States where they are obtained. Trade 
supplied ; sent by mail 10c. extra or C. 0. D. 

Tlic QueenN Own Company having en- 
larged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
IVORY CARVING'KNIVES, TABLE and POCKET 
KNIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
the same quality as their marvelously wonderful 
RAZOR. 




Obickering & Sons, Boston ; Bluthner.Lelpzig; 
P. L. Neumann, Hamburg; Q. Schwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS TO RENT. 

B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrell St. 

NEAR MARKET, SaN FRANCISCO. 
J. J. Palmkr. Valentine Rkv. 

PALMER & REY, 

Importers of'rrlut in«and Lit hograpliing 

PRESSES 

And Material. 

Sole agents for Cottrell & Babcock, Peerless and 
Campbell presses, and new Baxter engines ; also 
makers of the Excelsior steam engines, 

Warerooms. 405 & 407 Sansome St. S. F 

We have ou hand at present a large number of 
second-hand printing 



CRAIG & KREM PLE 


SUCCESSORS TO 


Craig and Son, 


UNDE RTAK B RS 


And EMBALMEKS, 


22 & 26 MINT AVENUNE. 



The finest Reception Rooms in the State. 
All orders promptly attended to. 



Selbv Smelting and Lead Co. 

MANUFACTURERS OF 

lead Pipe, S iee« lead. Sliot, Bar lead, Pig lead. Solder, AiUI-Frlcllau Metal, lead 
Sash Weights, lead Traps, Block Tin, Pipe, Blue Stone, Ele. 

Office, 416 Montgomery Street, - - - - San Francisco 

Reflners of Gold and Silver Ears and Lead Bullion. Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



DANIOHEFTT 
Kid Gloves - 1 - 

ALWAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

Factory, 119 Dupont Street, 

Bet. Geary and Post San Francisco 



w 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR THE 

HITE JflOSIE FLOTIIR 

MANUFACTURED BY THE 

Celebrated Hungarian Process. 



eST Sec local notice In another column. 



DR .THOMAS HALL'S 



B^"0 "TJD ICEIVTTJCICY WHISKEYS 



Cuarlks W. Freeman 



Vincent A. Torras 



TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co. 
BOOK AND JOB 

Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, 

Below Sansome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, Freneh, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



IMMOIVD'S 



NABOB 




THE BEST 
In the World. 
■A.SK YOTJIfc 

Druggist or Grocer for it. 




US-DEPOT, 429 AND 431 BATTERY STREET. SAN FRANCISCO. "W 



Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful Appetizer, giving tone an 
strength to the stomach,, and as atonic bev- 
erage it has no equal; will cure Dyspepsia 
or Indigestion, Fever and Ague, Biliousness 
General Debility and kindred diseases. 

This tonic is most beneficial in its results; 
it braces the system, creates an appetite, and 
destroys that wretched feeling of enuni 
which we constantly labor under in this 
enervating climate. The tonic for its medi- 
cal qualities excels any other ever offered 
to the public, having taken the first 
premium at the iairs of Sacramento, 
San Jose, Stockton, Oakland and San 
Francisco for absolute purity, made from 
pure California Port Wine, Wine of Pepsin 
and Elixir Calisaya. (^" For sale every- 
where throughout the State. Depot at 
JAMES H. GATES 1 Drug store, corner New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Fran- 
cisco. 



DRINK FALK'S MILWAUKEE BEER. 



S3THARDW00D LUMBER. 



John Wigmore, 

139 to 147 SPEAR STREET, SAN FRANCISCO. 



■DOANE & HENSHELWOOD-Popular Dry Goods House-132 Kearny St,sut°te 




Fevers. 



KOHLER A CHASE, 137 to 139 Post St., 

Sole Agents for the Celebrated 

Decker Bros Pianos 

Also for the 
FISCHER and the EMERSON Pianos. 

Cash or installments. Largest Piano and Music 
House on the Coast. 



H. R. Williar, Jr. A. Carlisle. 

A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Stationes, 

226 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Francisco 



H. HOESCH, 

Res tauran t, 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco 



THE NEVADA BANK 

OF SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital Paid lip - - $3,000,000 
Reserve IT. S. Bonds - - 4,500,000 

Agency at New York 62 Wall street 

Agency at Virginia, Nevada. 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers. 

Issues Commercial and Travelers' Credits. 
This Bank has special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 



Throat, Lungs, 

Catarrh, 

For Coughs, Colds, 
Whooping Coughs and 
P > i!86 ^PTjff yall Throat affections 

Address: UL lt has n0 equaL 

VAlESiTISfE HASSMER. 933 Washington St:, cor. Powell, S. F. 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 




JNO. LEVY & CO., 

Makers and Importers of Fine Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS, PRECIOUS STONES, WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE, CARRIAGE and MANTEL 

Clocks, Opera-glasses, Fans. Etc., 

IIS SUTTER STKEET, Sim Francisco, Cal, 



THOMAS DAY & CO, 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, -conces, Candlesticks, and 

Bouillotces. 

RARE BRONZES, BISQUE and FAIENCE "WARE 

IN GREAT VARIETY. 



FIRE. MARINE. 

The Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 



m 



(YNKriSn 



OF CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME OFFICE: 

S. W. Cor. California and Sansome Sts. 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
D. J. Staples, President. 

Alpheus Bull, Vice-President. 
Wm. J. Ddtton, Secretary. 

E. W. Carpenter, Assistant Secretary. 



0. L HUTCHINSON. H. B. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. Califo rnia a nd Sansome Sts 

CASH ASSETS REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

"W. L. Chalmers, Z. P. Olftrk, Special Agents and 
Adjusters, Capt. A. M. Burns, Marine Surveyor. 




FIRE and ~**$m££^ MARINE. 

415 CALIFORNIA ST., SAN FRANCISCO. 

Cnpitnl, ; ; ; $300,000 00. 

OFFICERS— C. L.Taylor, President; J. N. Knowles 
Vice-Prea. ; Ed. E. Potter, Sec'y and Treasurer. Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gnstave Nie- 
bauni, J. B. Stetson, J. J. MeKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Dingley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



PACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO. 

Of London, 
400 CALIFORNIA STREET, S. F. 



PACIFIC BUSINESS CO 



m 




LIFE SCHOLARSHIP FOR A FULL BUSINESS COURSE. $70. 

THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTED. 

BEST 

Regulated, F 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE 

ON THE 

Pacific Ooast, 




HEADS 

01' 

Families 

{Of moderate means) 

CAN GIVE 

THEIR SONS 



Good Business 

EDUCATION 

AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 



9 SEND FOR CIRCULAR. 



VIEW OF ACTUAL BUSINESS DEPARTMENT OF PACIFIC BUSINESS COLLEGE. 



§fo 



rafs. CHAMBERLAIN & ROBINSON, Proprietors 
320 POST STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 



4*«^*., iM^C 3&K>'" Ife* 




'A 



~>,h 



VOL. X. 



SAN FHANi;lSCO. FKB. 3, 138:- 



N< 



540. 



BE CELEBRATED 

AMPAGNE WINES 

»rs. Dkl'tz & Geldeiuiann Ay, en Champajfne. 



CACHET BLANC- Extra Dry, 

In cases quarts and pints. 

CABINET GBEEN SEAL, 

In baskets, quarts and pints. 

IDKUl BED AND WHITE WINES, 

[n cases from Messrs. A. de Luze & File. 

BOCK WINES, 

cases from G. M. Pabstnmnn Sohn, Mainz. 

rles Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
314 SUBintVIll STREET. 



"Give thy son a literal education." I 



HAMBEELAIN & EOBINSON 

PEOPRIETnTIS. 



ACIFIC 



J BUSINESS 

C OLLEGE. 
32QSU. 



5 



9"SEND FOR CIRCULAR-®! 

I Leopold Bro's 
LOEIST . 

55 POST STBEET, below Kearny. E ^ 
Bouquets. Baskets. Wreatb.es, Crosse- CW 

8 ~ 

Ml»T'v 
Street. 

lotographer. 




.EN rfiAHY&CO, 

WHOLESALE.... 

>UOR MERCHANTS, 

(22 and 824 FRONT STREET, 

FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



JOFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

pping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12 and 12 2 Front Street, 

ALSO 

vmento, Stockton and Los Angeles 



,E O K D E K E R 

hampagne. 

Regular Invoices received direct from Mr. loois Koeclcrer, Reims, over his signature and 
Consular Invoice. Before purchasing, see that each case and bottle bears our name. 

MACONDRAY & CO , Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



donald McMillan, 

Manufacturer and Dealer in 

SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERS, 

ESSENCES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 
JI4 Front Street, 

(Near Broadway). SAN FRANCISCO. 



"White House" Whiskies, 

El.l.ril IVT HOLLAND <.l\. 

FRENCH BRANBIES, 

PORT, SHERRY, Etc. 
In bond or duty paid. 
GEORGE STEVENS, 
313 Front Street. Room 2, San Francisco 



I 



FRAGRANT 




«' 



P 




iper Heidsieck 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

214 California SI., San Francisco, Cal. 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior ! " 

C. Z I JN" N" S , 

FASHIONABLE TAILOK, 

No. 5 Montgomery Street <1lnsonIc Temple), 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



COLTON 



For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOR SALE ICY ALL DRUGGISTS. 



James Shea. A. Bocqueraz. R, McKee. 

SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 

WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front and Jaekson Streets, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



E. MARTI N & Co., 

Importers and Wholesale Liquor Dealers. 
" HILTON J. II AltltY." 

"J. F. CUTTER," 
and "MILLER'S EXTRA" 

Old Rourbon Whiskies. 

408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



S CJ "FT ~T~i T T Z ° 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by YOECHTING, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 



EICHAEDS & HARRISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
JJ. W. Corner SANSOME and SACRAMENTO Streets, San Francisco. 




Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonio ever Prepared. 

SPRUAN2E, STANLEY & CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. F., Sola Agents for the Pacifc Coast. 



iT A "N TOfiHazelton Bros 



First Glass, 
Medium Price,, 

FULL VALUE 

FOR YOUR MONLY 




HALLET£& CUMSTON, 
A.JVL BENHAM, 

"CHAS. S. EATON. 

647 ^Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Sole Agents for C. Conrad. & Co"s 

CjBUDWBSERjEERel 

"WHOLESALE DEALERS IS 



DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gas specialists for extracting teeth without pain.) 
HAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Building, 

ROOMS S, 8 and 10, 

Entrance, 806 Market street. 

Or. CIIAS W. DECKER, Dentist. 



EDWARD E. OSBORN. 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(American and Foreign,) 

320 CALIFORNIA STREET 

Correspondents in Washington, London, Victoria, 
Australia, Montreal, Berlin, Honolulu, Mexico. 





321 MONTGOMERY STREET, San Francisco, Cal. 

Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 



Houseworth's 

Photographs. 

The Highest Standard or Excellence, 
12 MONTGOMERY STREET. 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

The Prize Boot and Shoe Maker, 

W 




its - Received awards of CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY; also, 
MECHANICS' INSTITUTE, for I lie Rest Work- 
manship. 



MEUSSDORFFER'S HATS ARE 'THE" STYLES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



BUT TOUR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR OF CftBMjNY, 25 KEARNY STREET. 



L & E. EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manufacturers, "Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture and Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULMANN' S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon, 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, Han Franciaio. 
Fresh Bread delivered every day and cakes 
made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN CAV- 
IAR and WESTPHALIA HAMS German 
Sausages. A. ItEUSCHE. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY MONOFOLE (extra), 

L. Kui:vivKi:r. (sweet and dry), 

.flOUT «fc CHAN HON, 

VEUVE CLICQUOT, 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE JDYE "WORKS. 

(John F. Snow & Co.) 

S3 - Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

633 Murket Street, Palace Motel. 

No Branch Office in San Francisco. 

Ladles' & Gents' Suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dyed without shrinking;. 
C1LAS. J. HOL.flES, Frop. 




WILLIAM F. "SMITH M. D., 

(Oculist.) 
piOEMEKLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET, HAS 
1 removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 M. to 3 p. M. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

Nos. 114 and lir> Market street, 
Nes. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
n. A. HlllMlv.lli. President. 

Enterprise Mill & Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Doors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

21J to 225 Spear St., 218 to 236 SI null St. 
San Francisco, Cal.. 



LICK HO USE 

ON THK 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant. 
THE HANDSOMEST DINING-ROOM 

In the World. 
Win. F. II ARRISON, Manager. 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NUNAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 



WILLIAMS, DIMOND & CO. 

SHIPPING AND 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNOTIOM MARKET AND PINE STREETS 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL 8. 8. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Ou- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Co.; the Hawaiian Line; 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited); 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the BalcU 
win Locomotive Works ; the Glasgow Iron Oo. ■ 
Nmh. Ashton h Son'B Fait. 




ILADELPHIA 

EWERY 



Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LAKGEST BREWERY WEST OP ST. LOTUS. 



JOHN WIELAND, 



Proprietor 



olters Brothers&Co 

Importers and Dealers in 

Wines and Liquors 

931 California. Ptroof.. San Vm-nM^on 



Francisco Daneri. Henry Casanova 

F . DANERI & Co ., 

Dealers in 
WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

27 and 29 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drumm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



CAN fRANCISCOQTOCK BREWERY, 



Capital Stock 



► 200,000. 



OUR LASER BEER BREW- 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATE. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 

Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
the Pacific Coast. 

KCD0U*H M0HR, Secretary. 



530 WASHINGTON ST S.F. CAL. 



PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION + 
SN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES. 



*&0&tfii*J!***^r^***e> <v*VJ*^%A^SvN^^--i-*i! -^V*>^**S*j\A&*S<StJ t 

THE ONLY PRODUCERS 
OF NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

^^ill wines; 

ON THE 

PACIFIC 
COAST 




8S?~None Genuine unless bearing our name on label and Cork _^a 



3$ i;:»iS;^S*fet^ll SlPMKS^Ss . (it 





2^FAN£>££ 

KOHLER a FROHLING 

;«_626 MONTGOMERY ST. 8..S.E.C0R. SUTTER & DUp i QNL.SIS,..,H' 




The Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed on the Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
406 Sacramento Street, 

San Fkancisco. 




Water Proot Leather Belting. 
13 Fremont St.. San Francisco. 

A. FINKE'S WIDOW 




CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 



CH 
pi 



AMPAGN 



Pure, delicious and healthful. | umm 

80!) }ll»ll:<llli:i:v St;, San Francisco. 



H . N. COOK, 

Manufacturer of 
OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTING & HOSE. 

405 MAKKKT STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 



Every Lady Should 

KNOW MANNING'S 

Oyster Gkotto. 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MORROW & CO., 

Hay, Griiln mid Commission Mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS., S. F 

Bonestell, Alien & Co , 

IMPORTERS OF 

IP J±. IP IE "El 



OF ALL KIN'D 



413 ami 415 Sansonie St. 



CALIFORJN IA 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Refinery, Eighth and Brannan streets. 



OLADB SPREOKELS . 
J. D. SPRECKELB . 
A. B. SPRECKEL8 ... 



President 

. Vlce-Preident 
Secretary 



THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. ADOLPHE LOW, Prcsidcdt 
OBlce— 208 California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 



. TRADE 
MARK. 



-^STANDARD LEATHER BELTING. A - 



O. COOK & SON, 

415 MARKET STREET, S. F. 



°VOL. 10. 



y°3 4o 




^ffKAKfCfl£CO, FEB, 3*-* 1883 



£*rs9if/> *rm£-/wsrar/& J 9rsM/w im sco.eAL. j/m «-/w /^ r^z/s/tf/sswy v/we/Trfe sfj/ts s/r sscove cmss fjrss ' 




"WZHIO DID IT? 



THE WAS* 



A GALLIC GROWL, 



[La France, commenting upon the death of General 
Chanzy, the foremost military man of France, so 
closely following that of Gambetta, the most bellig- 
erent and astute of modern French statesmen, ex- 
claims : " What has France done to Death ? Has 
Bismarck made a compact with him ? "] 

" What can I have done to Death ? " 
Aye, fair France, with bated breath, 

Well, indeed, you ask ! 
Good your cause to curse the fate 
Laid upon your Sword and State, 
And, cast down and desolate, 

Bring grim Death to task ! 

Yet, France, if you did only dare, 
Better far the question were 

Boldly put outright : 
" What, Death, have T done for thee 
That this awful thing should be ? 
Hast thou, then, forsaken me — 

Me, thy chosen knight? 

" In thy courts I've loved to dwell, 
And have done my best to swell 

The number of thy hosts ; 
Late and early, first and last, 
Corpses at thy feet I've cast, 
Lookback, Death, upon my past, 

And count the pallid ghosts ! 

" For thy cold and fleshless lips 
Many a boarded scaffold drips 

With my noblest blood ; 
On battle-field, at barricade, 
I my hecatombs have-made - 
That my offerings might be laid 

Where'er thine altars stood. 

" Aye, dread King of Dole and Doom, 
Prince of Silence, God of GIooti — 

I, red from spur to crest, 
Cleft through helm and pierced through -shield, 
Ever in the bloody field 
Have been readiest to yield 

Spent souls unto thy breast. 

" Yet, behold ! thou snatchest life 
From my twin high priests of strife — 

The smooth-tongued one who bred 
War and tumult— at whose word 
Swift uprose the butcher horde 
Whom his brother of the sword 

Straight to thy shambles led ! " 

Sister, justly you complain 
Of your grisly suzerain. 

Still, perchance, he hath fair cause 
To grip thee with his bony hand 
While sheathed the sword and quenched the brand 
That tilled and sunned his frosty land 

Through centuries of wars. 

Fling to the winds thy prosperous ease ; 
Let thy war-eagles sniff the breeze ; 

Be thine own self again ! 
' Gird on thy sword and couch thy lance ; 
Thy lilies are too white, fair France — 
Dye them deep crimson— then, perchance, 
Death's favor thou'l regain. 
San Francisco, January 24, 1SS3. 



IN THE DEATH STATION, 
From the Recollections of a Siberian Fugitive. 

I had lived four years as exile in Siberia, in the 
village of Balachta, when one night the opportun- 
ity came to escape with the horse and sleigh be- 
longing to the inspector of the exiles. I flew out 
of the village and all night long through solitary 
plains of snow without stopping. As dawn ap- 
proached I saw a village on my right, but fearing 
recognition and capture I went on across the end- 
less wastes of snow, after pausing down in a ravine 
to feed my horse and strengthen myself with 
brandy. On I went, the whole day without having 
seen a single human being. 

Toward night roy horse grew weary and soon 
could only walk. At last he stood still, panting 
heavily. I was uneasy, for I feared if I remained 
quiet there on the plain, I might be surprised 
either by wolves or by the innumerable tramps of 



Siberia. Unfortunately, I did not know in what 
direction I had journeyed during the last hours, 
for I might have approached the place I started 
from. For readiness in any case, I drew out two 
revolvers, also stolen from our inspectors, charged 
each barrel with ball and laid them both before 
me. 

After my horse had stood awhile and eaten snow, 
he showed readiness to proceed. But whither ? 
I did not know, and left it to the horse to go where 
he would. As soon as he felt the loose rein he 
turned at once to the left and went oft' in a quick 
trot. 

■ Meanwhile it grew darker and darker till at last 
I could scarcely see a step before me. But the 
horse seemed to trace something, for he pointed 
his ears continually and looked steadily before him. 
I also was watchful, and standing up in the sleigh, 
gazed straight ahead. But I saw and heard noth- 
ing, and was about to sit down again when I sud- 
denly perceived a point of light in the distance. 
My horse also saw it and trotted faster forward. 
This light might come from a farm-house window, 
but it might also come from a fire built by 
wanderers in the snowy desert. 

;t Be it what it may," I said to myself, "I must 
get out of this uncertain situation though I fall in 
with rubbers." 

Soon afterward I could discern the outline of a 
great structure which stood alone in the middle of 
the desert, and from whose one window the rays of 
light shown. I was especially struck with the lone- 
liness of the building and the smoke which came 
from the one window. Afraid of being observed, 
I drove slowly and quietly up, stopped by the back 
wall of the strange building, fastened the horse to 
a post, threw a heap of hay before him, and then 
stole cautiously and noiselessly up to the window 
whence the light streamed. 

Accustomed to the darkness, my eyes could at 
first distinguish nothing of the interior; it was 
only after some minutes that I realized the picture 
presented to my view. But this scene was so 
frightful that my blood curdled in my veins, my 
hair rose on end and a cold sweat broke out on my 
brow. . 

The whole interior of the building was filled with 
smoke which rose from a burning pile of logs in 
the centre. Round this fire sat three men whose 
faces had a fantastic look in the red glow of the 
fire. Near the hearth, in the loose boards of the 
floor, a great opening was visible, from which six 
men, one after another, soon came out, and each 
bore a stiffened human corpse ! The bodies were 
wrapped only in linen, and were chalk-white from 
frost. The bearers wore peasants' dress, and were 
robust fellows with rough, repulsive faces. 

Two of the men sitting round the tire were 
dressed in city clothes, while the third appeared 
like a butcher; he wore a blue apron, had his 
sleeves rolled up and held a great knife in his 
hand. When the six peasants entered with their 
dreadful burden, the three stepped back from the 
fire, and the six corpses were put in their place, 
erect round the pile of lotrs like candles ! 

It was a horrible sight for me ! The fire glared 
upon the white forms of the dead, while over their 
heads the black smoke gathered. I distinguished 
among them four men, a woman and a boy. One 
of the male corpses had a beard of extra or dinary 
length. 

When the bodies were somewhat thawed they 
were taken by the peasants from the fire and laid 
on the floor on the outspread linen. At the same 
moment the "butcher" went up to the corpses with 
his great knife and thrust it deep in the abdomen of 
the one nearest him. I could not explain to my- 
self the meaning of this whole scene. I simply 
stared, and saw how with almost indifference the 
" butcher" ripped open the abdomen, took out the 
insides, carved, divided, and showed to the city 
dressed men, and then thrust again into the body 
belonging to them. 

I had often in my life witnessed terrible events, 
but what I saw here went beyond all human con- 
ception. It seemed to me that all this was more a 
fantasy of my wearied brain than a reality. I 
remembered how authors of horrible tales, after 
presenting a train of impossible, unheared-of oc- 
currences and exciting the reader's curiosity to the 
highest degree, suddenly broke off with the simple 
sentence ; " I waked up, the bright sunshine, 
etc." What happened in romances might be in 
reality. I rubbed my eyes, looked, tried to collect 
my thoughts, in vain ! I did not sleep, I saw, 
I heard, I breathed ! 

Before me the wall of the awful building, black- 



ened by the eternal sterms ; near me my tethered 
horse, and my sleigh ; all about me a boundless- 
waste of snow; above me the sullen, clouded 
Siberian heavens. What should I do ? I thought 
to mvself. Should I fly 1 But vhere ? Or should 
I penetrate into the house and shoot down these 
desecrators of the dead ? Terrified, benumbed, I 
stood there half dead and did not know what to 
decide upon. 

At last I cencluded to abandon this unlucky post 
of observation. I wanted to steal softly to my 
sleigh again and run up and down, but my feet re- 
fused to serve me. I tried to scream out; my 
voice died in my throat. An impenetrable mist 
veiled my thoughts, paralyzed my will. I already 
began to doubt the correctness of my judgment. 

I could not understand who I was, who these 
dreadful people were, what was the object of their 
terrible doings. Finally the moment came, the one 
moment in my life when I began to believe in a 
supernatural world, in ghosts or mystic sorcery. 
But this moment did not last long. Then, as I, so 
perplexed, mused and stared within, I suddenly 
felt someone from behind seize me by my fur collar 
and roar fearfully at me. Like a broken straw I 
dropped without a sound and knew no more that 
happened to me. 

When I recovered my consciousness and opened 
my eyes, I lay in the snow while the two men in 
city clothes rubbed my forehead with snow and 
tried to revive and encourage me. 

" You are frightened, my friend," one of them 
said to me. *' Do not fear; we will do nothing to 
you. We are doctors and here only in the discharge 
of our duty." 

" Yes— but the corpses." I could scarcely utter 
the words. 

" The corpses, brother," one of the men replied, 
" are of the peasants in this region who died of 
cholera, and here in the Death Station we have • 
dissected them. By accident you witnessed the 
most repugnant work of our office. Such a scene 
is offensive to anyone, but most so to those who 
have never before seen it. If it is agreeable to 
you to travel with us to the next post-station, it 
will give us great pleasure," concluded the amiable 
doctor. 

But I thanked him for his invitation, pleaded a 
pressing business journey, climbed then with the 
assistance of both doctors into my sleigh, and rode 
swift as an arrow off' and away. I breathed freely 
when I felt myself alone again on the plains, but I 
was long agitated by what I had seen in the lonely 
Death Station. 

In Siberia sudden deaths frequently occur, but 
there in such a case they may not inter the body 
without its inspection by the police and a post 
mortem examination by physicians ; but the num- 
ber of doctors in Siberia is insufficient, so, between 
the solitary villages so-called Death Stations are 
erected, to which the dead are brought and placed 
in cold cellars built for them, remaining there till 
a police and medical commission arrives and ex- 
amines them. Then, only, are they separately 
conveyed to their lonely burial places and in- 
terred. 

Thus I was the involuntary witness of such a 
judicial post mortem, and I shudder even now when 
I recall that night during my flight from Siberia. 
— From the German. 

E. F. D. 



A patriot returns to his native land more pro- 
foundly convinced than ever of its immeasureable 
superiority to every other country in the world. 

" The language of those other countries," he 
says, with a tine scorn, ""is particularly idiotic. 
Why, they call things this, that and the other, 
without the slightest regard for their nature or use. 
Now, you know, it is different with us. We call a 
brush a brush, because you use it to brush with ; 
or a glass a glass, because it is made of glass ; or a 
hat a hat, because'— — 

'* Well, because — why ? " 

" Oh, I guess that must be derived from one of 
those same foreign languages, now that I come to 
look into it ! " 



Character of a journalist by another journalist : 
" He is the best feUow in the world — indulgent 

to the vices of all his friends and merciless only to 

their virtues." 



A rare flower — the pink of politeness. 



THE WASP. 



3 



LITERARY NOTES. 



| the February number of the so-called "Over- 
Monthly," Mr. Leonard Kip concludes his 
story " Thaloe." Nothing else in the num.. 
ppoars to merit the distinction of separate 
on, though most of the matter deserves it. 
'. T. Hopkins contributes a paper on "Evil 
'actor in Evolution," in which he says much 
I is so true as to be trite, though he must be 
ed with a considerable originality as a humor- 
hen he says such thing as this: "Would 
itry ever have have existed but for the tooth- 
Clearly, it would not ; and, clearly, but 
e toothache it could have been spared. Mr. 
ins' other illustrations of the value of evil as 
iciting cause of means to overcome it are not 
so frankly idiotic as this, but altogether his 
e is a very choice bit of unconscious humor, 
i a paper on " the Criminal Responsibility of 
nsane,'' Mr. Harold Wheeler concedes that 
ire criminally responsible, we commend him 
1 nost of his fellow-contributors to the atten- 
I )f the police authorities. The verses in the 
i er are mostly on the lowest attainable intel- 
ttl level — the two exceptions being the late 

I s F. Bowman's " Sweethearts and Wives," in 
: i, could the author have emancipated himself 
] his servitude to monosyllabic weakness, he 

I I have risen to a higher altitude, and Ina 
c rith's "occasional" poem read at that gath- 
i of overgrown children " the Overland dinner" 

r. Irving M. Scott's, where everything was 
1 irnian, the wines economically included. Miss 
( irith too would doubtless have written better 

e had had a more inspiring subject than 
- r"— that is to say, the Oocrland's — " Poets." 
1 dering that by " our " poets are meant such 

•ace this number of the magazine, namely, 
l :s Berry Bensel, Seddie E. Anderson, John 
u pe — who modestly heads his metrical folly 
I is Is Wisdom"— Kate M. Bishop, B. E. Wood, 
< E. C. Stanford, the wonder is that Miss Cool- 
i did not write a dirge. It is true they are not 
; but they ought to be ; though doubtless Mr. 
3 cins would deplore their extinction as the re- 
3 il of "factors in evolution." The Overland 

e happy hunting ground of ambitious ama- 
i , of whose adventures in that enchanted re- 
3 it is one of the hard conditions that they 
I figure not as hunters but as huntees. 
' e proprietor of the Overland Monthly, the man 
l owns its debts, is Mr. Warren Cheney, a gen- 
s in who was a voluminous writer in it when it 
| the honest name of The Californium. During 
| period we had frequent occasion to say of Mr. 
n iey that he could not write— at all. In the 
I iary number, however, he had a critical paper 
I he works of Bret Harte. Of this paper we 
1 

Ir. Warrea Cheney's review of Bret Harte's work 
3 a notable advance in the reviewer's powers of 
sis and a clear improvement in his style. We should 
le surprised to find this gentleman becoming a good 
r by mere dint of much writing." 

ow comes the New York Tribune with an expose 
Lr. Cheney as a plagiarist. With a light heart 
exposer proceeds to the utter and irremedible 

; rmination of Mr. Cheney by showing that he 

i the whole article, sentence by sentence, from 

critiques of Mr. Edmund C. Stedman, the 

on Poe, the other on Lowell. This result the 

i mm writer accomplishes by the cold cruelty of 
ting long extracts from Mr. Stedmad's ar- 

; !S in parallel columns with long extracts from 
Cheney's article. We have room here for but 
w sample sentences taken at random : 

edman on Poe: " With each of these is associated 
ji accident of condition, some memory of eccentric 
us, through which it arrests our attention and claims 
special wonder." 

|heney on Habte: "With each of these is linked 
e association of aptness, some instance of felicitous 
•actenzation by which he holds attention and forces 
special approval." 

HiDMAN ON Poe: " Only in the most perfect tales can 
English style be called excellent, however significant 
! thought." 

heney on Haute: " Only in a small group of his 
les can he be said to be truly individual, however fresh 
new his thought." 

tedman on Poe: " His imagination was not of the 
lest order, for he never dared to trust to it implicitly ; 
iainly not in his poetry, since he could do nothing 
h a measure like blank verse." 

Iheney on Haute: " His imagination is not of the 
nest order, for he never dares to trust to it implicitly ; 



certainly not in liis prose, for he can do nothing in the 
way of continued production." 

Steoman on Lowell: " In a liberal sense, and some- 
what as Emerson stands for American thought, the poet 
Lowell has become our representative man of letters." 

Cheney ox Haste: "In a liberal sense, and some- 
what as Poe stands for American Poetry, he has become 

our representative story-teller." 

STBDHAN 'in Lowell: "Mr. Lowell's prose diver- 
sions, so wide in range, could not have been made without 
some lapse of fealty to the Muse of Son::." 

Cheney on Haute: "Bret Harte's dialect diversions, 
so cramped in range, could not have been made without 
some supplemental work in the way of legitimate song." 

Of these sample sentences of Mr. Cheney's work, 
as of the scores of others not here given, it is true 
and obvious that no one single could have been 
written without the corresponding one of Mr. Sted- 
man's placed alongside the manuscript — without 
Mr. Cheney's eye oscilating like a pendulum be- 
tween the two as his thievish hand transcribed the 
thought while ingeniously altering the words. And 
this is the man who as proprietor and manager of a 
magazine dishonestly called The. Overland Monthly 
proposes to resurrect the buried glory of a "purely 
Californian" literature ! This is the person who un- 
der the patronage of an unlettered man who wishes 
to be Governor, and by the aid of amateur pens 
and the unrewarded labor of a misguided young 
girl-editor who has no true friend to dissuade her, 
has promised himself the glory and profit of re- 
creating a literary golden age that consisted solely 
in the genius of one man whose services he cannot 
command — Mr. Bret Harte. It is " of a piece" 
with this whole Warmedoverland Monthly enter- 
prise — an enterprise conceived in sin, brought forth 
in corruption and nurtured by Irving M. Scott. 

The best two-bits' worth of fun that we know of 
is Pitch's Animal for 1883. Two-bits' worth of fun 
at current rates goes a long way ; it will last a con- 
siderable time, with proper economy ; for fun is a 
thing to be taken in small doses. Still, this is very 
good fun, albeit a trifle trivial and occasionally 
puerile. Perhaps the chief value of the book lies 
in its extraordinary development of the capabili- 
ties of the zincographic process of illustration. 
The pictures, ouite apart from their subjects, aiv 
really quite remarkable in execution, some of them 
being but little inferior to wood engraving — supe- 
rior, indeed, in the matter of strength and forth- 
right honesty of method to much of the wood en- 
graving of to-day. A member of the English firm 
of Dalziel Brothers, the principal wood engravers 
in London, once said to the writer that he saw in 
the zincographic process something that threatened 
the extinction of the art in which he had all his 
fortune invested. The prophecy, fortunately, has 
not been verified, but if the same talent that now 
works upon the boxwood block should take hold of 
the zinc plate it is hard to say what might eventu- 
ally come to pass. One advantage zinc certainly 
has over wood : it is not capable of the silly smooth- 
ness and prettiness into which wood engraving has 
fallen. Its limitations, too, are easily recogniza- 
ble, whereas the wood engraver seems incapable of 
discerning those of his own art, and is constantly 
transgressing them. 

The February St. Nicholas is an admirable num- 
ber. One does not need to be a child in order 
adequately to enjoy this best of all children's 
oeriodicals. As an editor, Mrs. Mary Mapes 
Dodge has a conspicuous talent for her vocation. 
It is difficult to recall the name of any other per- 
son who has given token of a talent that could do 
acceptably the work that hers has done admirably. 
If when she dies — may the day be distant — every 
child that she has made happy could lay a pebble 
on her grave she would have a monument that 
would supply the means of personal encounter to 
all the bad boys who do not read her magazine. 

Mr. William Black has been engaged to write a 
serial for the Illustrated London News, and is pre- 
paring his yacht, his Scottish coast, his tempest, 
his sunrise at sea and his other "properties." The 
characters that he has drowned in his other stories 
will live again in this one. In that sense, at least, 
they are immortal. 

Jas. R. Osgood &■ Co. are bringing out a new 
book by Mr. Henry James, Jr. Are we rash in 
conjecturing that it will deal with certain aspects 
of certain phases of certain differences between 
European and American manners ? 

The most interesting paper in the February 
Harper is on " German Political Leaders" contain- 



ing their portraits. Excepting Ton Moltke— who 
is not a political leader— they are not :i handsome 
lot to eyes accustomed to the charms of American 

political bosses. 

The latest addition to the Taudmih series is 
Mr. H.nvcll s extremely slovenly novel, .1 Modern 
Instance, 

The American lovers of Alphonse Daudet are 
agog for his latest novel, which will be published 
by the Petersons. It has created something of a 
furor in Paris. 

The Critic will be a weekly henceforth, and will, 
we hope, improve the "tone" of its criticism, 
which is a trifle slangy. 



A PLEA AT BAR, 



Pajaro x .o r anuary -P, 1888, 

Mb. Wasp : — Please Btand aside once more and 
let me at 'em again. 

Representatives, on a previous occasion I address- 
ed you as " Legislators," or, at least, that is what 
I meant. I have since found that 'most any darned 
fool can represent but it takes brains to legislate ; 
therefore I speak to you, now, by the broader title 
— a title broad like a slap-jack, also as thin— and I 
speak to you not as at the other time, arising to the 
house of legislation, but I take you at the bar —be- 
tween drinks. Sahe '! (No, thank you — just 
drank.) I am informed that a majority of you 
(particularly from the rural districts) do your best 
intellectual work in front of this polished plank ; 
therefore it is that I lean my back up against this 
counter and talk to you. Most of you, Represent- 
atives, doubtless know what is a sick stomach, 
else you would not be here now before this polished 
plank on this or other occasions. Healthy men, 
with twisting inwards, have rushed to the rear- 
porch rail of this Capitol gasping, " Ugh ! Smwal'd 
a fly." That's diplomacy. All the " fly boys " do 
it. It is rough on the insect, yet it makes the insect 
the hero of a fiction — which is compensation. 

But what I wanted to s ly to you is this : If you 
cannot bear the thought of swallowing a fly will you 
permit these bull-butter fellows to sell the juice of 
rhe fly's children to your children ? Will you not 
pass a good stout law against the S'tle of a culinary 
grease made from slaughter-house offal ? Will you 
not enact a statute to stop the sale of soap-grease 
under the guise of butter or oleomargarine looking 
like butter ? Think, Oh' ! think of that fly you 
thought you swallowed, then go out to the slaugh- 
ter-houses of Sacramento and smell and smell and 
smell. Go inside those houses, slide across the 
bloody floors and watch the festive maggot as he 
waltzes through the filth ; look into the slimy 
corners and behold the big black beetle with his 
glassy eyes and putrid-painted feelers as he seeks 
for his prey ! Watch the Chinaman, knee-deep in 
entrails, gather the feculent fat from which is made 
the best of this oleomargarine ! And this, being 
the best, holy Moses ! what must the worst be s 
Now go to your desks and read " The Seventh Re- 
port of the State Board of Health of California," 
pages 110 to 118. 

And don't you dare come home without being 
able to show to your constituents that you did your 
level best to stop this frightful fraud. 

Attorney for the Cow. 



Vanderbilt has decided to forego his visit to Cali- 
fornia for the present at least. We should like to 
have seen him, and sent our reporters on his trail. 
If would be interesting to hear his comparison of 
the baronial castles on Nob Hill with his own 
mansion on Fifth avenue. He stated that he de- 
ferred his trip because he feared a snow blockade. 
There was a more potent and widely different 
reason. Mr. Vanderbilt was aware of the exis- 
tence of an ex-Board of Supervisors in this city, 
who, having squeezed San Francisco to her ultimate 
dollar, had sworn a mighty oath over a pile of 
fraudulent warrants to Captain Vanderbilt, and 
hold him for ransom. The scheme was an excel- 
lent one. Indeed, it may be still practicable. 
If these swollen millionaires can be reached in no 
other way, let us kidnap them, clip off an ear or 
the tip of the nose to show the earnestness of our 
pui'pose, and send these tokens of a grim resolve 
to their bankers with a quiet intimation to remit. 
It might not be acceptable in the sight of the law, 
but heaven would smile upon such a noble attempt 
at a retributive j ustice. 



THE WASP 




PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY, AT MO AND 542 CALI- 
FORNIA ST., BELOW KEARNY, BY 
E. C. MACFARLANi <& CO.. 

Proprietors and Publishers. 



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All Postmasters are authorized to take subscriptions 
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The following agents are authorized to receive subscrip- 
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Fresno, Tulare and Kern counties, Capt. J.W. A- Weight. 
D. G. Waldron, General Traveling Agent. 

Ao questionable advertisements inserted in this journal. 



SATURDAY, 



FEBRUARY 3, 1883. 



The Railroad gang's latest and most formidable 
movement against the public interest is shown in a 
bill now pending in Congress authorizing a con- 
solidation of the various companies whose lines 
extend from New Orleans to San Francisco into 
" a body politic and corporate of the United 
States" — that is, the creation of another giant 
monopoly which shall be independent uf, and supe- 
rior to, the Governments of the States and Terri- 
tories through which these lines are laid. The 
disposition now manifested in California, Arizona 
and Texas to regulate and restrain the operations 
of these companies, curbing their insufferable greed 
and taxing their dishonest profits, is the inciting 
cause of this new " protective " action. The com- 
munities most affected by their piciless plundering 
having become restive under the repeated thrusts 
of Stanford's and Crocker's hands into the public 
and private pocket, these crafty rascals propose to 
put their property under a remote jurisdiction 
having only a general and undefined interest in 
the matter — a jurisdiction where " offense's gilded 
hand may shove by justice" and be assisted by 
Judge Field in the shoving. In order to "accom- 
plish this magnificent iniquity there is a great 
gathering uf the conspirators at Washington and 
the " sack " has been pulled wide open. The bdl 
has already commended itself to the judgment of 
every thrifty patriot who has had his arms in the 
"sack." It will probably pass, and the monopoly 
impoverished people of California may eat their 
teeth in ineffectual rage. Indeed, they will soon 
have very little else to eat. 



In the meantime Senator Del Valle has offered 
in our Legislature a memorial requesting the Cali- 
fornian delegation in Congress to use all honorable 
means to defeat the bill. As we write, this me- 
mor al has not been adopted. We do not think it 
will be. This Democratic anti- Railroad Legisla- 
ture takes its instructions from Mr. W. W. Stow, 
the professional beauty and kept statesman of ex- 
Governor Stanford. In the Senate are not one 
dozen men who have not been, or do not expect to 
be, bought by the R.dlroad for coin to them iu 



hand paid; and most of them justly felicitate 
themselves on the delivery of an inferior quality 
of goods. Many an Honorable Member of the 
Assembly, too, who has all aloDg voted in the 
Railroad interest without compensation is con- 
fidently waiting for Mr. Stow to come along with 
the sack and make an honest man of him. If 
the Senate had had a majority of self-respecting 
members it would not have tolerated, Lieutenant- 
Gvernor Daggett's Committee on Corporations, 
seven of whom out of the nine are indebted to 
Mr. Stanford for the rent of their own entrails, 
and some of whom would not have a shirt to their 
backs if he went about gathering up his property 
with half the assiduity that he uses in gathering 
up ours. 



The Examiner's summary of the mischiefs that 
would result, and are intended to result, from the 
proposed consolidation of these railroad companies 
so far as the people of California would be affected, 
is accurate. It would withdraw the Southern Pa- 
cific Railroad Company from their control ; make 
it independent of the Railroad Commission ; still 
further increase the difficulty of making it pay its 
taxes ; force litigants against it to come to San 
Francisco to the Federal court, instead of having 
their cases tried in the State court of their own 
counties, and, generally, fortify the Company 
against every just demand and needed regulation. 
Moreover, the bill is ingeniously so drawn that the 
new " body politic and corporate of the United 
States " would be confirmed in the possession of 
the enornous land grant which, as matters now 
stand, the Texas-Pacific has forfeited by failure to 
perform its agreement with the Government. If 
this rascally bill is suffered to get through Congress 
without a vigorous protest from our State Legisla- 
ture we trust we shall be spared the sore trial of 
listening to any further inane gabble about the 
moral difference between a hungry Democrat and 
a gorged Republican. The tranquil complacency 
with which the poddy and pampered dog on a door 
mat ingulfs the unearned increment of his cus- 
tomary viand could not exceed as a spectacle the 
vivacity with which these ragged, tagless and bob- 
tail canine tramps of the new Legislature will have 
raveled out the coils of sausage in Mr. W. W. 
Stow's coat tail pocket. 



The advocates of the new Charter are in a pretty 
bad way : the strongest argument that they can 
present why it should be adopted happens to be an 
insuperable obstacle to its adoption. Its main de- 
sign is to prevent the pillaging of the public treas- 
ury ; but the public treasury has been already so 
industriously, thoroughly and minutely pillaged 
that there is no money to pay the expense of an 
election for the new Charter's ratification. This 
absurd outcome of the Commission's labors and 
the people's hope is quite in character with the 
whole business. So great is the people's distrust 
of anybody and everybody whom they select to 
perform any public function that any desired broth 
must have as many cooks as possible. The sensi- 
ble and business-like way to get a charter would be 
to select the fifteen "freeholders" and let them 
make one, which should become a law the moment 
they sign it. But that is not popular government ; 
that would be the fifteen-men power, and therefore 
only fifteen times as good as the one-man power. 
So we first elect the charter makers before know- 
ing if we want a charter. Then, when they have 
made one, we have to learn by an election if we 
want, not a charter — there is no way to ascertain 
that — but this particular charter. The Legislature 
too has to have a hack at it ; the member frum 
Horn Toad Valley would feel defrauded of his 
political rights if he were not permitted to say 



how the resident of Tar Flat should be local 
governed. It is just as well that the childish fan ; 
be stopped right here; and the thieves who sto; 
us so poor that we cannot go on with the show hai 
rendered an unimportant public service. The r i 
tired Carmanarchy is entitled to respectful grat I 
tude ; it has deserved well of its victims. 



It looked the other day as if this helpless con 
monwealth were to be exposed to the ravages of tl 
warlike hordes of Nevada without either the powt 
to resist or the right to sue. In pursuance < 
his duty and in discharge of the high trust of guart 
ing against invasion, and consequent disbandmei 
of the Militia, the Governor had solemnly desij 
nated that grizzled veteran, Walter Turnbull, as 
proper person to step into the military jackbooi 
vacated by the late lamented Major-Genen, 
Barnes, dead on the field of honor ; had selecte 
ex-Brigadier-General W. H. Dimond to lead agaii 
the Bloody Second into the imminent deadll 
breach ; had persuaded Messrs. Cadwallader an 
Hall to shine " with horrid splender dazzling a 
the field," at the head of the Fighting Fifth am 
the Indomitable Sixth, respectively. He had nom- 
inated El Capitan Don Carlos Sonntago, as Im 
spector-General of Rifle Practice and Lady Lei 
Mix as Vivandiere to the Brass Band. And thei 
the Senate would not confirm ! It bucked like 
mule and balked worse than the Rock of Gibraltar 
For several days it left the military forces of thii 
great State with no commanders high enough ili 
rank to whip a cripple. If the Republican parti 
had started a servile insurrection there was no powe:< 
to oppose their triumphant advance upon the publ 
lie treasury. From this terrible peril we were ree 
lievod by the unselfish patriotism of the appointee* 
themselves. All means of compromise having beel-l 
exhausted, they generously consented to servil 
without confirmation. It was a masterly stroke — 
a coup d'etat that overthrew the sullen Senate andi 
broke its heart like a motion to adjourn on the last 
day of the session. The Senate confirmed those 
appointments and the hostile Republican folded' 
his tent like an Arab and silently stole a thousand- 
dollars. 



For the mere honest love of lying the Eveniim 
Post publishes a long defense of ex-Governor Per-. 
kins against the attacks made upon his reputatioi 
by his own acts in connection with the Harbor anc 
Pilot Commissions; and then it is put into th< < 
Alta and Chronicle at a dollar a line. This is a lit 
tie hard on the Post, but in all the affairs of thii I 
mismanaged world the rewards of zeal go mostlj i 
to the unzealous. If the testimony taken by th< ( 
investigating committee did not show that Gover- 
nor Perkins had used his official position in such a 
way that the firm of which he is a member obtained I 
a dishonest advantage from dishonorable practi4 
ces it did not show anything. That Mr. Perkins 
should have disgraced himself for gain was to b» 
expected. When a man with the education of at 
cart-horse and the morals of its father; whose onlw 
credentials are all the various degrees of obscurity ,i 
and whose sole qualification is inexperience; whw 
has but four virtues — real estate, personal property! 
cash on hand, and solvent credits — when such a; 
man is elected to high office it is not to be expected] 
that he will discern in the happy accident anyl 
thing but an opportunity to get as rich as he cad 
consistently with his duty of enriching his partJ 
ners. Compared with the expectation of making} 
such a man serve the State first and himself after- 
ward, the dream of persuading the foremost pig aw 
the trough to withhold its snout in mannerly defer 
ence to the squealing laggards is a reasonable proba 
bility and a substantial hope. 



THE WASP. 



TO ADYERTISEKH. 



Wo (/ton .i-it: , i,„ llt ,„fs /..,- Hi-' Wasp can &i (ofcen 

,-/ o/i a»ii/ fc ntia. On Ww txpiratitm of thou 

\lready in ttu paper, pre/ e»c« um/J necewartti/ he 

■ ><'■.. Pi i' ,M,,-, /aio] mg u - with a notieA 

\f their wish to twits rtim will he uppt isi d of vacant ■• ■- 

(,s they occur. 



EDITORIALETTES. 



<-1 

l 

It" < .vert! still looking about for the causes of 

. ;he Republican defeat last year one could Gnd 
tome twenty millions of them in the sum appropri 
ited by the' River and Harbor Bill. The Republi 
;ans in Washington appear to be dissatisfied with 

■i ;his meagre number, and are about to supply sum 
leventy millions of reasons why the party Bhould 
je exterminated at the next Presidential election, 
seventy millions is the sum which, Mr. Page ex- 
Jains, will be asked for in the River and Harbor 
Bill this year. One hundred and forty-six mem- 
bers of the House, mostly Republicans, will per- 
manently retire from public life at the end of the 
present session. It is clear that they mean to re- 
tire on a competency. Seventy million dollars an- 
no nearly a half million apiece that the deficiency 
is unimportant and may be applied to the im- 
provement of rivers and harbors. 



It is agreed all round that the present is a most 
disastrous year, so far as it has gone, and our artist 
has cleverly embodied that estimate of it in one of 
our cartoons this week. Curiously enough, i7 Popa- 
gallo, the famous Italian illustrated journal pub- 
lished at Bologna, comes to us this week with a 
brilliant cartoon representing the year 1882 as a 
rascally looking old man pursued and pelted off the 
earth by all the nations on it. The inscription is 
as follows: 

Aimn birbone, anno di terribili innonda/.ioni, di fame, 
di terremoti, delle guerre intduste, degli attentati ed ass s- 
ainii, di tifo, colera, scontri di treni, incetidi, disastri di 
terra e di mare e fallimenti. Ce V hai vuotato il sacco? 
Va al diavolo, anno scellerato ! 

For the unlearned reader this is then turned 
into French thus : 

Annee friponne, annee d'inondations terribles, de 
famine, de tremblements de terre, de guerres injuatea, 
d'attemtats et d'assasainats, de typhus, cholera, heurtes 
de trains, incendies, deaastres de terre et de mer et fail- 
litea. Tu 1* as vide le sac ! Va-t-en au diahle, annee 
abominable ! 

This is not the language of compliment in either 
tongue. The fact seems to be that every year is 
pretty hard on us poor mortals. 



presentations, and more introductions have Idled 
up the sum of that hapless nobleman's days in 
this famed Republic. W hat is it about a title that 
wins its way so swiftly to the American heart '. 
Not that the Marquis is not a gracious gentleman, 
but had he been otherwise it would not have made 
a shade of difference in the amount of homage he 
ie.-ei\ed. I 'aii it be that, following the human 
law, we hanker after what we cannot possess, and 
as we have no hereditary nobles Hy to the imported 
article whenever and wherever it appears, and con- 
sole ourselves with the husk of railroad kings, 
bonanza kings and merchant princes in lieu of the 
true kernel ? 



One would have thought in excusing and de- 
fending corporations that human ingenuity could 
no further go than it has gone in the Argonaut, 
Post and Sacramento Record- Union, but there is an 
editor in a little town across the bay who can 
" just lay over" even Pixley in his loftiest night of 
subserviency. There have been two accidents re- 
cently to the steamers connecting San Francisco 
with the town aforesaid, which circumstance moves 
the abovementioned editor to remark : 

" The two contretemps to our steamers of late serve to 
remind us, what all our travelers say, that our company 
are very careful, and it may he added that they are 
lucky." 

Even accidents, you see, are beneficial : they 
serve to emphasize their own infrequency. If 
powder mills, for example, did not occasionally ex- 
plode there might be an unfounded notion in the 
public mind that they were exploding most of the 
time. This ingenious novum organum is capable of 
considerable extension. In the hands of a master- 
in-sycophancy like the editor of the Argonaut, it 
could be used thus; "The paltry two or three 
thousand instances of swindling by Mr. Governor 
Stanford Esquire and the Hon. Mr. Charles Crocker 
Esquire serve to remind every candid and unpreju- 
diced native American Christian how uniformly 
honest these gentlemen are." 

Let any impartial Judge of the way we do busi- 
ness in this county turn to Martin Ghuzzlewit* and 
raad of his American reception, and the number of 
"remarkable men" who were presented to him. 
Then with Dickens' creation still fresh in his mind, 
let him peruse the telegrams relative to the visit of 
the Marquis of Lome to Washington. Presented, 
received, received, presented, hand-shaking, more 



The Democratic members oi the Legislature need 
not concern themselves about the criticisms passed 
upon their motives in investigating Republican 
officials. We are ourselves not so profoundly im- 
pressed with a sense of their patriotic purpose as we 
ought to be, and are unable to believe that many 
of them can without difficulty rise to the concep 
t ion of those unselfish considerations by which alone 
we are ourselves L'uided. Still, they are doing 
irood and wholesome work in exposing the corrup- 
tion of the incumbents of offices which they are 
willing to administer themselves. We submit, 
however, that it is not enough merely to put a 
rouge out of office. It is like saying to a burglar ; 
'■ Take up your loot and skip, and don't you ever 
let me see your face again." If the committee 
charged with the investigation of State prison af- 
fairs find the institution at San Quentin tit for the 
habitation of hogs, we suggest it as a singularly 
proper place for ousted officials. If a man isn't 
bad enough to be put in the penitentiary he makes 
a conspicuously honest official, as officials go. 



TALES OF THE COLD "SNAP," 



Much must be allowed to a man in the position 
and condition of ex-Governor Downey, but his in- 
timation that the railway hands were paid to let 
loose the train that was smashed on the Tehachapai 
grade is certainly destitute of support. On the 
other hand, the railway officials' hypothesis that 
the slaughter was planned and executed by maraud- 
ing tramps is, as Mr. Downey weakly describes it, 
" a damnable insult to intelligence, truth and hu- 
manity." The blame appears, from all the evi- 
dence, to rest where the coroner's jury put it — on 
the conductor and brakeman ; perhaps on the 
brakeman alone, who abandoned his post to assist 
a young woman off' the train. If this is so he 
should be made to feel the law's severest displeas- 
ure ; though if the young woman is pretty that cir- 
cumstance will, we fear, seem to the jury to have » 
mitigating significance. We do not ourselves think 
it any excuse, but other men are quite weak that 
way. 



Here is a sample sentence of the Evening Post's 
defense of ex-Governor Perkins ; 

'*As regards pilotage, it is a matter of history that 
when a bill was pending in the Legislature affecting the 
pilots, he unhesitatingly declared in advance that he 
would sign it if passed, even though it might not deal 
quite fairly with that interest, because he would not have 
it charged that he in any way showed favor to a line of 
business in which, while he himself had no part or parcel, 
partners of his in respect to other enterprises were indi- 
rectly concerned as to revenues derived. 

The Pout defends Mr. Perkins against his accu- 
sers, but who is to defend him against the Post? 
What our contemporary really says in the above 
extract is that Governor Perkins declared himself 
willing to be unjust in act in order to save himself 
from injustice in thought— was ready to deal un- 
fairly with others lest he be unfairly suspected of 
favoring them. If this is praise we should prefer 
the Post's detraction. 



I— Why She Shoak Him. 



Wait till 1 blow my nose. " Ah-kcr-shoo ! Ker 
shook ! " wistfully shouted Mabel McGiddygaddy 
is ahe stood in the gathering twilight and gently 
repelled young Sparkington's passionate caresses 
with mi axe. For Mabel's lover had been over the 
-tea to Saueelito fishing and, but just returned, he 
sought her side to find, not the vision of beauty 
and brightness which had filled his waking dreams 
with a soft, sweet longing, and gave him strength 
to dodge the amateur sportsmen, but a blue-nosed 
girl with a snuffling voice who stood aloof while 
she took from her reticule a mysterious parcel and 
carefully anointed her red. ripe mouth until it 
looked like a tomato with a slice cut out. Then 
she settled her back hair, pushed up her bangles, 
dropped the axe and flung herself into his arms as 
she murmured " Kiss me, darling, it's only cam- 
phor-ice for my chapped lips ! " 



One day last week there stood under the shadow 
of the Nevada Bank Mr. Pixley of the Argonaut 
and Mr. Kearney of the sand lot in earnest con- 
verse. At their feet reclined Mr. Pixley 's faithful 
dog, and looked dreamily at the passer-by as if to 
say: "Don't say there are three of us. I am an 
honest dog." 



The dailies have ceased to mention the conserva- 
tory fund as the " Bush" fund. And so perishes 
the honest plumber's hope of recognition from 
posterity. Nothing but a patented system of sew- 
erage will now save him from the ignominy of 
forgetful n ess. 



II- 



What He Died Of. 

And it came to pass that the day was freezing in 
the city of 'Frisco, even unto the uttermost limits 
of the street called Tehama, which is nigh unto 
Gehenna. And the citizens shivered and blas- 
phemed and were exceeding wroth, save that Short- 
weight, the coal dealer, waxed merry and was joy- 
ful, and his scribe chalked upon the blackboard 
many graven images not*in the likeness of anything 
in the heavens above, nor in the earth beneath nor 
the waters under the earth. Many came and did 
buy coal, and to each one he spoke, saying, Lo ! 
is the day cold enough for thee t — which same sage 
query he deemed an exeeeding great pleasantry. 
And the sun fell low in the heavens,' when came 
one of the Pharisees from the club which is called 
Bohemian, whose visage bore marks of great wear- 
iness, and he rent his garments in search of skekels 
with which he might buy fuel ; for verily the day 
was so cold that whisky could no longer warm him. 
Then spake Shortweight, the coal dealer, saying, 
Selah ! Is this cold enough for thee ? To which 
made answer the Pharisee, Selah yourself ! Be- 
hold, have ninety and nine double-barreled idiots 
spoken thus unto me, and thou the hundredth shalt 
die ! And he smote him hip and thigh, even unto 
the going down of the sun, and many people hearing 
thereof rejoiced and said, Amen. Bysshe. 



The late John Smedder of this city would never 
acknowledge defeat nor admit that anything affect- 
ing his own affairs could occur without his special 
connivance. About an hour before his death from 
consumption, the other day, an Oakland parson 
called, and seeing that the end was near said : 
"John, you are about to be called hence; are you 
willing to go?" "Willing?" replied the dying man, 
as well as he could; "What do you s'pose I'm a lay- 
ing in this bed for? I've been tiggering round af- 
t.:r this thing for two years." 



They are spelling it Sackramento since W. W. 
Stow went up there to hell) make the laws. 



Whenever the gentlemen who write up the local 
sports for the morning papers are short of a few 
lines to fill in with, they allude in warm terms to 
the fishing along the city front. This drives a 
s:ore or so of idle men to dabble from the wharves, 
and drowse away the day waiting for bites that 
never come. This puff' of the city front fishing is 
given very possibly in the interest of these idle 
men's wives, as well as in that of the water front 
saloons, which absorb the loose change drawn from 
the family till under the pretext of bait money. 



He was after an appointment on the Harbor 
Commission. The Governor would not give him 
any positive answer, but said: "I may possibly 
wish to communicate with you. Please give me 
your address." "Just address meat the postoffice," 
he said. "But I may want to send a messenger, 
Where do you live?" said the Governor with gentle 
insistence. "See here, Governor'.' — and the aspi- 
rant proudly erected himself — "if I had any place 
to live what the devil would I want an office for?" 



No more the wildwood cheers our eyes 

With eglantine and aster, 
No more the kine do kick the flies 

That tease them in the pastur'. 
No more are rural maids employed 

In mashes with the "utter," 
But well they fill the aching void 

With buckwheat cakes and butter. 



THE WASP 



THE PIPSISSEWA BUSINESS. 



Mr. Oldstone on State Reports. 



In the Wasp last week, where and when you ac- 
knowledge receipt of certain State pamphlets, it 
does not appear that you have received the great 
boss pam unlet of the season, entitled Second lie- 
port of the State Mineralogist of California — over 
500 pages, sole-shelled, law-book size. It reads 
like a loouey prose edition of Walt Whitman. You 
get it and look into it. Pay. 

In it, after local " puffs" of San Diego as a com- 
mercial point, garnished with the private feelings 
and scalded foot of the State Mineralogist, there 
are 110 pages of " supplementary" minerals in the 
guise of " -.orest trees," "huckleberries," "heath- 
ers,'' cotton-woods," and " pipsissewa." 

Of course every fellow knows that there is some 
relation oetween trees and minerals, but I submit 
if it is not drawing it heap much fine to pull a 
miner into reading a big fat State report on min- 
eralogy, and then run him into the woods in the 
middle of the book. What in thunder does a 
miner want with pipsissewa, anyhow ? Huckle- 
berries he might make use of to paint autumnal 
boyish bearings on his new chip hat ; but pipsis- 
sewa — pah ! — pipsissewa biddaui I What common 
honest granger wants to pay big money to print a 
mineralogy Cook about pipsissewa / Next thing we 
know the name will become cuntagious, and well 
see obituary poetry in the Call (corrected by E. 
Curtis) like this : 

" Alas, clear child, she's lost her grip, 
Our darling dainty missy, 
Who laughed when we would call her "Pip," 

And sanling came for " Sissy." 
Sli£'s gone to meet a brighter day, 
Poor, patient, pale Pipsissewa." 

Then again, this pipsissewa and these huckle- 
berries are rung in on us under the title "Forest 
Trees of California." Thus, you see, the State 
Mineralogist, not satisfied with basely betraying 
us into the forest, goes further and when he has 
us in the umbrageous gloom puts us to digging 
weeds. If these weeds and berry bushes were new 
to science there might be some use in printing 
books about them in California; or if any new 
point had lately been discovered regarding their 
habits or powers we might be able to "take a statis- 
tical statement of the new puints ; but this "re- 
port is no mere statistical statement. Far from it. 
In fact it' is a hash and rehash of science, memory, 
romance, poetry, drama, melodrama and circus. 
The author has a quotation of Latin and anothei 
of poetry for every tree, plant, bush and weed. 
And we, the taxpayers, have to pay high for print- 
ing that Latin and those poetry. The money paio 
out on Latin and poetry is all lost, because we 
common folks cannot read the Latin, and we won't 
read the poetry. 

How do you like this ? 

PIPSISSEWA. 
f\(Chvmap?iila umbellata and Mi»zk.sii.) 
" Thy sports, thy wanders when a child, 
Were ever in the sylvan wild."— Bryant. 

Now what has that Bryantic tosh got to do with 
that dog- Latin ? Is the noble author speaking o: 
Pip. as a sportive child, or does he lovingly refer to 
the wood-brooding waywardness of his own infant 
hours ? If the latter, we dash a tear as we sigh: 

How lovingly sweet memories rise 
Of days devoted to mud-pies ! 
Oh, days departed — up the flume — 
The hardest hearted give thee room." 

The author of "Forest Trees of California'" 
quotes the lines of some thirty-three poets, seven, 
saints and himself ; all of which taken separately 
like the stripes across the zebra are "naryom 
alike"; and no quotation sheds any light on thi 
subject under present treatment. But we have t< 
pay for printing it all the same ; and right there 
is where 

" Our fears stick deep in Banquo," 

For we fear that all this " dried apple" literaturt 
is intended to swell, per folio, and means cold, co:d 
busii ess. 

Hi ie is tie author's quoted poetry onto a hucMe- 
beirj -bush : 

" How calmly sinks the parting sun ! 
Yet t\\ Lligbt lingers still ; 
As beam iful as dreams of heaven 
It slumbers on the hill." — -Prentice. 

Alas, poor George, I knew him well ; and if tl e 
fat twinkle of his beady eyes could fall upon thote 



quoted lines he would probably chuckle and say : 
" I mayn't be much of a poet, but I'm the devil 
on a huckleberry sunset." 

You and your readers, Mr. Wasp, might smile 
and say that I burlesque the " Second Report of 
the State Mineralogist." Don't you do it. I'm 
not burlesquing. I represent facts. Solemn facts. 
Facts which cost money. You get the " Second 
Report" and read it. Needn't read it all. Just 
read enougli to see that I speak — aye, and write 
too — like a right reporter. 

But I now come to write about the meanest 
thins in the whole 500 pages. As I have said : 
thirty and odd poets are quoted, and the quotations 
paid for by California taxes, and yet not one Cali- 
fornia poet is quoted. Not one. Where was the 
author of "Joe Bowers," who also wrote "Betsey 
from Pike" ? Did he not pen these beautiful lines 
appropriate to the sage brush, or any kind of a 
brush ? 

" They came by Salt Lake, as they drove on the way, 
Where Brigham saw Betsey and said she must stay ; 
But Betsey got wrathy and called him " old fool" — 
Bucked stiff-legged and snorted and broke like a mule." 

Note the superior domestic virtue of our ances- 
tral Betsey as compared with the scriptural Sarah 
of Abrahamic times. No nonsense about Betsey. 
No going in with Abimelech, or any of the other 
Alecs. Betsey was an honest woman, on the dead 
square. 

But if the " Second Report" did not wish to 
quote our most ancient of poets, it might have 
quoted Dan. O'Connell, Harry Dam, Hector Stuart, 
Harte or Hart without the e, Miller, the Shinn 
family, Prof. Sill, Jim Ayers, William F. White, 
Mr. Pickering of the "Call," or all the girls and 
boys over at Berkeley ; to say nothing of the vast 
range of rural rhymsters. Here is cause for insur- 
rection. If we have not rythmic talent enough to 
placard with broken-candy couplets one tree each 
of our varieties of forest trees, then — -well, then it 
is time to stop paying good tax money for making 
and printing trashy State Reports. 

Solomon Oldstone. 

Horn Toad Valley, Col. 



HAIL TO THE CRIEF. 



Walter Turnbull, the newly appointed Major- 
Gen eral of the State Militia, was made in the town 
of Northest Bethlehem, Connecticut, the year that 
Napoleon died. He is of white pine, and origi- 
lally carried a tin musket, but- in his first cam- 
paign this was wrested from him by a victorious 
enemy and given to her doll. Walter was there- 
upon returned to the factory and repaired at a 
jost of one cent. Some ten years afterward he 
was so weather beaten and battle-scarred that he 
was repainted — his trowsers a bright blue, his jacket 
in audible red and his cocked hat a screaming 
green. It was at this time, too*, that he was pro- 
moted from the ranks and given a basswood sword 
well glued on. During the campaign that followed, 
while engaged in a stubborn encounter with a 
housemaid's dust-brush, he fell, severely disabled ; 
in- fact, he was thrown from the rampart of a 
bureau and wrenched bodily from his pedestal. 
For a long time he linger between the lid and 
bottom of a rubbish box until, his heroic patience 
md uncomplaining fortitude attracting the notice 
if one in authority — an ingenious lad named Jimmy 
Tones — he was furnished with a new cedar pedestal 
and made whole. It was at about this time that 
ie made his famous march upon San Francisco in 
■ he till of an old hair trunk. On arrival here he 
•vas voted a new uniform — trowsers of crimson, 
jacket of blue and cocked hat of yellow ; but soon 
liter, in an engagement with a cat on the mantel, 
\e was struck down, losing an arm and the tip of 
ds nose. The former was skilfully restored with 
i brass pin, but the latter was an irreparable loss 
to the service. Since then he has been on the re- 
tired list in an unconsidered corner of a garret, 
ieneral Turnbull is a tine specimen of military 
architecture, standing nearly six inches high on 
lis pedestal, which is itself nearly half an inch 
luck. His eyes were originally sky blue, but have 
.iffered a partial eclipse from a splash of ink in- 
ir-red in receiving a moustache from the unskilful 
■ <nd of a youthful admirer who painted not wisely 
>ut too well. Time and the rough usages of war 
Slave somewhat dimmed the pristine glories of his 
latest uniform and worn away the salient points of 
lis figure, but he is still firm on his pedestal and 
rill stand erect if not pushed over. It is expected 
that he will now be repainted and perhaps gilded. | 



FREAKS OF THE FUNNY MEN, 

We point with pride to the fact that English girls 
beginning to chew American gum. 



Young lady, writing a love-letter for the kitchen mat 
" That's about enough now, isn't it ? " Maid : " 
thing more, miss ; just say please excuse bad spellin' a i 
writin'." 



A gentleman having a horse that ran away and bro 
his wife's neck, a neighbor sought to buy the anim 
" No, no," said his owner, " I intend to marry again, 



A New Jersey man has patented a stove that exploc 
at 10 oclock at night. He has four daughters. 

Persons who do not understand the nature of an oa 
should not undertake to use the telephone. 



Lodgers who are too poor to square their bills contin 
to board 'round. 



The toothless man ought to be a sweet talker, for j 
his words must of necessity be gum drops. 



When a colored man gits ter be so well educated dat 
doan't believe in de Bible, he hah lost his identity as a nj 
ger, but yet ain't fitten ter be classed wid de white foul 



A man who has happened to have agood deal nf expe 
ence says : " Stand anywhere but four feet to the left 
a woman when she hurls au old bottle at a hen." 

A humorist was once called into the presence of t 
managing editor and solemnly reproved for the dullness 
his wit. "Your jokes," quoth the editor, "are so b 
that I ara daily compelled to print them in that nom 
script department entitled ' Pearls of Thought.'" 



" Does your Helen remind you of Helen of Troy 
she asked, sweetly, as the sofa springs flattened under 
pressure of 160 pounds. " No, not precisely ; you remil 
me more of Helen of Avoirdupois," was the scaly reply 



It rather annoys a woman after she has had her chi 
christened some romantic Indian name, to learn that tl 
name translated means " old hoots." 



A Southern paper speaks of " the death of several cil 
zens of throat disease, superinduced by razors." 



Oases of bigamy are becoming quite numerous, and yfll 
it seems quite possible to break up that crime by clippinl 
the ears of both groom and bride at the marriage cerffl 
mony. That would also prevent the married men froil 
palming themselves off as single. 



First swell : "By Jove, Fred, that is quite the highesB 
collar I've struck yet." Second swell: " Think so, olfl 
man ? Weil, I don't mind telling you it's a little idea ofl 
my own. It's one of the Guv'nor's cuffs." 



The martyrs who burned at the stake had stout hearl 
that never quailed on toast. 



• 



" May it please your Honor," said a lawyer who was 
trying a case of assault and battery, " the defendant fell 
oniously beat my client with a certain iron implement* 
known as a wooden pestle." 

Talmage says that spanking children should be d«n 
coolly, quietly, vigorously, and with the aim to let the 
lesson sink deep into their little hearts. That seems 
rather a roundabout way to reach a child's heart. 



" Has your dog got fleas ? " asked a gentleman on the 
street the other day of Aminadab. " Well, I can't just 
tell, now. He had last week ; but I rather suspect now 
that the fleas have got the dog. It's nip and tuck, any- 
way." 



" Do you believe that a woman, nowadays, would die 
for the object of her love ? " asked a bachelor friend. "I 
don't know whether she'd die or not," answered the Ben 
edick, "but I've known her to go wild when the trimming 
did'nt suit her." 



THE WASP. 




ilarrh. hihu.jhh^- 
(tough, Loss of Voice. Incipient Consumption, ami n 
Throat mid Lung Troubles. 

In nine cases out of ten, one dose taken at bedtime will 
effectually and permanently eradicate the severest form 
Of INFLUENZA, COLD IN THE HEAD or CHEST. 
For Loss of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and Incipient Consumption, a longer sse of it is 
required to effect a permanent cure. 

ASK FOR THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam. 

AND TAKE NO OTHEK. PrlCC, 50 Cents, 

J. R. G-ATES & Co.. Druggists. Prop-rs. 
417 BauBome Street, cor. Commercial, s. F. 

DEALERS _ffl FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

J. D. SPREGKELS& BROS., 

Shipping 5 Commission 

MERCHANTS. 

AQENT8 FOE.... 

Spreckels' Line of Hawaiian Packets, 

.s. S. Hepworth's Centrifugal Machines, 

Reed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Covering. 
No. 327 Market Street, 

Corner Fremont, SAN FRANCISCO. 



< < 



The Waterbury." 




Exact size of watch. 



We make but one size as above. " Series A " is Skele- 
ton Plates and Open Dial. " Series B " is Solid plates 
and Full Dial (as cut shown above). 

WATERBURY WATCH CO., 

A. I. Hall & Son, 

528 and 530 Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL., 

Sole Agents for Pacific Coast. 



ARTISTIC PRINTING. 

Every Variety of Plain and Ornamental 

PRUSTTHSTGr 

Executed with Neatnesa and Dispatch at 

Lowest Rates. Orders by Mail receive 

prompt attention. 

E. C. HUGHES, 
511 Sansome Street, 



Cor. Merchant. 



SAN FRANCISCO. 



AKE HOME BEAUTIFUL! 



House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of -Art. The 
Largest Stock of Wall Papers in trie City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO., 

645 Market Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE OK COLOR. 



220 
222 



BUSH STREET 



224 
226 



PxUF 



ORNIA FURfVy 



T(j* 



The Largest Stock— Tlie Latest Styles, 

CALL AND SEE BEFORE PURCHASING ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



WHISKIES! 

To the Trade. 

We beg t.. call attention to the following full lines of 
well-known brands of Rye and Bourbon : 

■toritnov. 

NELSON Fall'79 

MILLER. C. C January, '81 

LEXINGTON Spring '80 

REDMOND Spring' 80 

L. VANHOOK Spring '80 

E. C. BEERY, Sour Mash Fall '79 

MONARCH, S,.ur .Mash Spring '80 

WILOW RUN Fall 79 

ItVK. 

HORSEY Spring '70 and '80 

NELSON Spring '79 

SHERWOOD Spring '79 

Ml INTICELLI > Spring '80 

MILLER Spring '80 

Agents for bonded goods from several distilleries. Sole 
Agents for 

Udolplio Wolfe's Selilcdnni Aromatic Schnapps, 
Daniel Lawrence mid .Son's Mcdford IE n in. 

Willow Springs Distilling Co. 's Spirits anil 
Alcohol. 
Kennedy's East India Kilters. 
For sale to the trade in lots to suit. 

WM. T. COLEMAN & CO., 

Corner Market and Main streets. 

SAN" FRANCISCO. 



CALIFORNIA 

Safe Deposit 

AND 

Trust Company 

S26 MONTGOMERY STREET, 

San Franeisca, Cal. 

DIRECTORS: 

; J. D. FRY, G. L. BRADLEY, 

C. F. MacDERMOT, NICHOLAS LUNING, 

SAMUEL DAVIS, F. H. WOODS, 

LLOYD TEY1S, CHARLES MAIN, 

HENRY WADSWORTII, I. G. WICKERSHAM, 

JAS. H. GOODMAN. 



I. ». 



FRY President 



C. It. THOMPSON-(late, of Union Trust Co. of New 



WIH. CUNNINGHAM... 



. Treasurer 

......... .Secretary 



D'^ 



OSITS IMHI-ill^ SUBJECT TO CHECK. IX- 

wed on money deposited for sixty days or longer. 

mis uompany will act us Agent of Corporations, Estates, Firms 
and Individuals for the care of securities, Real Estate and Personal 
Property of all kinds, the collection of interest and Rents, and 
will transact business generally as Trustee for property and in- 
tarests intrusted to its care 

Will act as Transfer Agent or Registrar of Transfers of Stock 
and as Trustee under Trust Mortgages of Incorporated Companies. 

Will hold powers of attorney", and make eollectiens and remit- 
tances, purchirse--Drafts,-Hullioii, Foreign Money,- Exchange,- etc. 
Buy and sell securities, make investments and negotiate loans. 

Kent of safes in Safe Deposit vaults from 82 to §20 per month, 
and from §12 tct&aeo yer year. 




Morris & Kennedy, 

19 and Hi Post Street. 

Artists 1 Materials and Frames 

FREE GALLERY. 



10 



THE WASP. 



SACRAMENTO ADVERTISERS 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul- 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. flSTThe most extensive establishment on the 
PaciBc Coast. Eastern office, SS Wall street, New York. 

BRUCE HOUSE, 1018 J STREET, bet. 10th & 11th, 
Sacramento, Cal. P. C. Smith, proprietor. Board 
and Lodging, per week, $5. Board; 'per week, S4. 
Meals, 25 cents. S3? All kinds of cold and hot drinks on 
hand. 



CLAUSS & WERTHEIMS" BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment, Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J street, Sacramento, Cal. 

DR. MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
creases the app itite, prevents indigestion, strength- 
ens the system, purifies the blood and gives tone to 
the stomach. $& No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K street, Sacramento. 



FOUND AT LAST-AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of 'Hair to Bald" 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color. I warrant this Restorative 
., as harmless. ^Prepared and sold by Henry Fuchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. P. Richards & Co., wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. 



GOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECO Si- 
mended by all who use them for their etfectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. g& His California 
Rheumatic Cure has NO equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES— W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm Produce; Fruits at wholesale ; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
AST One of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 



GW. CHESLEY, 51 FRONT STREET, SACRA- 
mento, Cal., importer and wholesale liquor dealer, 
• sole agents for the genuine Rock and Rye, Maple 
Rum and the famous Cundurango Bitters. 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS 



HWACHHORST (Signof theTownClock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
* elry and Silverware. Established since 1S50 and 
well known all over the Coast -for reasonable 'prices and 
superior quality of goods, £^ Watch repairing a specialty.- 
Care given to the selection of Bridal, -Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 J street (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, Cal, 

LK. HAMMER, S20 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
Cal. , agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
' Organs. A complete stock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on hand. 
&3T Strings a specialty. 

PACIFIC WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS; J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento.- 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels^ 
Gears, Bodies, etc. tf^*A large stock constantly on hand. 

SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER, IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, 1 Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1S50. 422 J street, Sacramento. JJ3* Clocks, 
Watches and Jewelry repaired with great care. 



STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
S6 to S12 per week. Family Rooms, 81 "to" §2.50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H. Eldred, proprietor. 

THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street,' 
Marysville. C. H. Gilm an, proprietor. flSTThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. ■ The originator of 
the " One Price "—goods being marked in plain figures. 



ASK- YOUR GROCER FOR " SPERRY'S NEW 
Process Flour " — the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, San Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co proprietors. 



AVON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
^completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
& Southworth, proprietors. ~ ■ - ■ 



BURNHAM'S ABIETENE. NO COMPOUND 
but a pure distilation from a peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds, etc. Sold by all druggists. 



WM. M. LYON (SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 
Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NOAK, 
agent for the best California Windmills and Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. O. Box, 312. tf^* Send for price-list. 



EAGLE HOTEL. TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board $4 per week. 
Board arid Lodging, $5 to §6. Per day, SI to §1,25. 
Meals, 25 cents. £S" Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H. Allen, proprietress. 

FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer, importer and dealer, .cor.- Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. S3T Illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application. 



GREAT REDUCTION. STOCKTON IMPROVED 
Gang Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ; 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom and warehouse, cor. HI Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Globe Iron Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail. John Caine, sole proprietor. P. 
O. Box, 95, Stockton. 



GRANGERS' UNION OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL- 
ley. (Incorporated May 14, '74.) Importers and 
dealers in Agricultural Implements and a full line 
of General Hardware, Nos. 280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 
ton, Cal. 



HC. SHAW. PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 
Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 
• Stockton Gang Plows, Farm and Spring Wagons, 
Hardware, etc., etc. Office and waretooms, 201 and 203 
El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
• dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc' No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 



H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
Odd Fellows* Block, Stockton, Cal. 



M 



ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal. 



PACIFIC COAST LAW, MERCANTILE AND 
Patent Agency. Joshua B. Webster, attorney at 
" law. Practice in all Courts, State and Federal. 
Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
Practice, including Patent and Copyright Law. ^"Prin- 
cipal office, Room No. 1, Eldridge's Building (opp. the 
Courthouse) Stockton. 



STOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, S500,000. Deposits payable in 
time or on demand. Pays 5 per cent, interest after 
30 days. Domestic and foreign exchange. Transacts gen- 
eral banking business. L. U. Shippee, president ; F. M. 
West, cashier. 



THE PACIFIC ASYLUM. STOCKTON. &2T THIS 
Private Asylum for the care and treatment of men- 
tal and nervous diseases is where the insane of the 
State cf Nevada have been kept for several years, the 
patients being lately removed to Reno. The buildings, 
grounds and accommodations are large and its advantages 
superior. For terms, apply to the proprietor, Dr. Asa 
Clark, Stockton. References, Dr. L. C. Lane, San Fran- 
cisco, and Dr. G. A. Shurtleff, Superintendent State In- 
sane Asylum, Stockton. 



WILLIAMS' BALSAMIC CREAM OF ROSES 
is unsurpassed for beautifying the complexion and 
making the skin soft arid nice. It is just the thing 
for chopped hands. For sale by all druggists or dealers 
in fancy goods. 



CONSUMPTION 



I have a positive re- 
medy for tlie above dis- 
ease ; by Its uho thous- 
_ ands of. cases of the 
worst kind and ©(longstanding havu been cured. Indeed, so strong 
Is my faith In Its efficacy, that 1 will send TWO BOTTLES FREE, to- 
gether with a VALUABLE TREATISE cm this disease, to any suffer- 
er. Give Express & P.O. address DR.T. A. SLOCUil, 181 Pearl St., N.Y. 



Great Pacilie Coast Spring medicine. 

s&srTRY PFUNDER'S 



AC 4-r\ QQA per day at home. Samples worth $5 free. 



Vddress Stinson & Co., Portland, Maine. 



AGENTS 



can now grasp a fortune. Out- 
fit worth §10 tree. Address E.G. 
KIDEOUT &C0., 10 Barclay St., N.Y - 



Liver and Kidney Regulator. 



OREGON BLOOD 



SPRING 1883. 

t AsSpring with its change of weather creates a revolu- 
tion in the very hnwels nf the earth, so does Plunder's 
celebrated Oregen Blood Purifier create the desired change 
in the human system. The best is always the cheapest, 
and health at any price is ever desirable. Use this medi- 
cine ; enjoy good health and save money ; $1 a bottle, six 
for So. 



In countries where malaria is prevalent, or where the 
climate is subject to sudden changes— should be found in 
every house Brown's Iron Bitters. 



No family should be without the celebrated White Rose 
Flour, made from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaum & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
streets, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. L Cook & 
Co., corner Grove and Laguna streets, Reddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder & Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd & Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withram, corner Davis and Clay streets. 

* Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound ranks first 
as a curative agent in all complaints peculiar to woman. 



Ask for " Brook's " machine cotton. Experienced op- 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it. Glace! 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. "Machine 
Cotton" printed on the cover of every box. For sale by 
all dealers. 

%* " Evil dispositions are early shown." Evil tenden- 
cies in our systems are to be watched and guarded against. 
If you find yourself getting bilious, head heavy, mouth 
foul, eves yellow, kidneys disordered, symptoms of piles 
tormenting you, take at once a few" doses of Kidney- 
Wort. It is nature's great assistant. Use it as an ad- 
vance-guard—don't wait to get down sick. Read adv't. 



in Diamond Dyes will color any thing any color, and 
never fail. The easiest and best way to economize. 10 

cents, at all druggists. 



KIDNEY- WORT 



FOR THE PERMANENT CURE OF 
CONSTIPATION. 

No other disease is so prevalent in this coun- 

■" try as Constipation, and no remedy has ever 

equalled the celebrated Kidney-Wort as a 

£ cure. Whatever the cause, however obstinate 

the case, this remedy will overcome it. 

DDI EC THIS distressing ci 

ilhbOi plaint is very apt to be 

complicated with. constipation. Kidney- Wort 

strengthens the weakened parts and quickly 

cures all kinds of Piles even when physicians 

and medicines have before failed. 

43- GTIf you have either-of these troubles 

PRICE Si. I USE I Druggists Sell 



KIDNEY- WORT I 



3 O DAYS' TRIAL FREE ! 

We send free on 30 days' trial I»r. Dye's Electro-Voltaic 
Belts and other electric appliances to Men sntTering 
from Nervous Ochility, Lost Vitality and Kindred 
Troubles. Also for ltheaiimalism. Liver and Kidney 

Troubles, and many other diseases. Speedy cures guaran- 
teed. Illustrated pamphlets free. Address 

VOLTAIC BELT CO., Marshall, Mich. 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and §5 outfit free. Ad- 
dress H. Hallet & Co., Portland, Maine. 



TO THE UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr. Gibbon's Dispensary. 

£* O Q KEARNY STREET, SAN 

\^) /w<£) Francisco— Established 
in 1854 for the treatment and cure of 
Special Diseases. Lost Manhood, De- 
bility, or diseases wearing on body 
and mind, permanently cured The 
sick and afflicted should not fail to 
call upon him. The Doctor has tra- 
veled extensively in Europe, and in- 
spected thoroughly the various hos- 
pitals there, obtaining a great deal of 
valuable information, which he is 
competent to impart to those in need 
of his services. DR. GIBBON wIU 
make no charge unless he effects a 
cure. "Persons at a distance may be OTJRED AT HOME. _ All 
communications strictly confidential. Charges resonable. Call 
or write. Address DR. J. F. GIBBON, Box 1957, San Fran- 
cisco. Say you saw this advertisement in the WASP. 

pation, $ick-headaehc and Biliousness entirely cured 

P U R I I E R ! See Local, 




THE WASt 



11 



THE BALLET GIRL. 



With complexion like the roee 

'Mill the mows, 
Due to powder on her nose, 

I suppose. 
She twirls upon her tu.-> 
In abreviated clothes 
And exhibits spangled hose 

To the beaux. 

When cruel time bestowB 

Adipose, 
Fairy parts and all ..f those 

She outgrows, 
And nmrmuringly goes 
To the very hindmost rows, 
To pirouette and pose 

With the " (ti.m b." 

When life frayed and faded grows 

Like her bows, 
She in garrets sits and bct a 

Furbelows 
Till her weary eyelids close 
In the peace of death's repose. 
Is she reaping what she sows '! 

Heaven knows. 

I- ■PI"' 



THE BARBER AND THE BUNKO MAN. 



" A vool has got nine lifes und alvays lants on 
his feet," said the barber near the Cooper Institute, 
and then he made change for a man, and helped 
him on with his coat. When he came back he 
added : " I vas dinking of Osgar Vilde. Der 
Lort neffer makes a vool mitout daking care of 
him, choost as He does of dem little sbarrows vot 
gan't vail py der grount mitout He found it owid. 
Id vood peen bedder for der goot name of dis gun- 
dry if der Yankee dhieves got avay mit der money 
vich dot crackdonkey dook in from der Yankee 
vools, but dot could not pe, for Heffen dakes care 
of dem sellufs don't got some prains. 

" Dot vos a sensiple dings vot der Marquis of 
Lome und his vife done, alretty ; getting brodec- 
tion of a poddy guard of soldiers to keep dem 
bunko men avay. Bedher der rest der Englishmen 
done der same dings yen they come py this gun- 
dry." 

The loquacious barber pronounced bunko "pung- 
go. " He took advantage of the fact that his assis- 
tant was shampooing a man in a further corner of 
the room to tell this story : 

" You know dot monkey parber py der negst 
shair always tresses so vine like der glerk by a 
hotel ? Veil, he always done dot, efen ven he 
liffed mit his farder in Bennsylvania. Vonst he 
came py Nye Yorrick on a leedle sbree, und he vos 
tressed poodif ul. He ditn't know somebings apowd 
dem bunko vellers any more as you somedings 
know abowd der negst Vort of Chuly. He vos 
going down der Powery ven comes up a man und 
says : ' Hello, Prown 1 ' 

" 'I ton'd vos any Prown,' der barber says. 

" 'Vot, ain'd you Pob Prown I met in Hot 
Sbrings ? ' 

" 'No, I vos Martin Arnemann, of Bottstown, 
Bennsylvania,' der parber says. 

" By chimmaneddy, in dwo minuits comes up a 
veller vich says : 

" ' How you vos, Arnemann ; und your sister 
Loweesa, how she vos ; and how gits along der olt 
man ? ' und he dolt dot parber more apowd Botts- 
down as de parber could found owid in sixty 
years. 

" ' My vrend,' dot parber says, 'I been oxdreme- 
ly bleased to see you, und sinz you know my 
vamily more better as I minezelluf, vill you blease 
lent me seffen tollars und half, for I haf peen on a 
sbree und tond got a cent left to get my home back 
again already. 5 

" He says dot bunko veller could mit a feather 
himselluf knock down." — N. T. Svn. 



OLEOMARGARINE, 



"The Wasp of San Francisco is stinging to 
death the "bull-butter" manufacturers, lashing 
without mercy the gentlemen at the head of the 
enterprise. We are astonished at this temerity. 
The men put at the head of this "bull-but- 
ter" enterprise on the Pacific coast are thor- 
oughly able to strike back boldly. One of them 



intimated thai the oppi sitioD of the Wasp ■■ es 

of their not advertising in its columns h the 
oleomargarine firm had been a transfer company it 

COUld have charged that the lack of :i 

whal vas the matter with the Wasp, or if it had 

been a \ illainous " grub ' machine thai n 

was whai would stop ill.- stinger's mouth. Thai is 

ll "' l«ind "i u|, m answer I.. .1. 

i criticism. That is the 
variety "f mud with n hich cul i to lill 

the pui- paralyze the public judgment ; 

and they frequi mil bucci ed, foi the masses are too 
often asses, ami do their thinking by proxy. We 
are expecting ever) daj to heai thai .i dan 

has I I. threatened against the Wasp, or thai 

BOme singed eat lias made a threat of »hal lie will 
<\". " Banta I '/ " . n. titin< I. 

Our contemporary's words were almost prophetic ; 
even while he was penning them, tin- bull-butter 
men were conspiring against life, ami on Saturdaj 
last sent us a studiously polite note inviting us to 
their factory to examine their process and fas* 
their oleomargarine .' It is needless to say that we 
prudently declined. We did not suspect that the 
stuff had been treated with arsenic ; we feared that 
it had not. 



THE GIRLY GIRL, 



The girly girl is the truest girl. She is what she 
seems, and not a sham and a pretense. The slangy 
girl has a hard job of it not to forget her character. 
The boy girl and the rapid girl are likewise wearers 
of masks. The girly girl never bothers about 
woman's rights and woman's wrongs. She is a 
girl, and is glad of it. She would not be a boy 
and grow up into a man and vote and go to war 
and puzzle her brain about stocks for a kingdom. 
She knows nothing about business, and does not 
want to know anything about it. Her aim is to 
marry some good fellow and m-ike him a good wife, 
and she generally succeeds in doing both, for that 
is the kind of rooster that goes after her. She de- 
lights in dress and everything that is pretty, and is 
not ashamed to own up that she does. She is 
pleased when she is admired, and lets you see that 
she is. She is feminine from the top of her head 
to the end of her toes, and if you try to draw her 
into the discussion of dry themes she tells you 
squarely that the conversation does not suit her. 
She is the personification of frankness. There is 
not a particle of humbug in her composition. Here 
is health to the girly girl. May her numbers never 
grow less. 



JOKES FROM THE FRENCH, 



Methodical man going through the formalities of 
an introduction — " Let me present you, sir, to my 
wife and daughter. The elder lady is my wife ! " 



On the eve of the election of Clement XIV. to 
the Papacy he was waited upon by four Cardinals, 
who urgently insisted that it was absolutely neces- 
sary that he should be elected Pope. 

" Brethren,-" was his answer, " if this is a joke 
there are too many of you, but if it is in earnest 
there not enough of you ! " 

'" You infernal scoundrel, didn't I tell you to call 
me at 6 o'clock so that I could catch the steamer ?" 

" Yes, sir ; but you see, sir, you were sleeping so 
nicely I didn't have the heart to waken you !" 

Happy thought : 

" Confound it, barber, I say, you've cut me !" 

" Cut you i" (With sad surprise and affectionate 

reproach.) " Oh, no sir. It is only the towel that 

is bleeding— that's all, sir !" 



" I say, father," observed an irreverent passen- 
ger on a ferryboat to a good priest whose mule was 
displaying signs of uneasiness as the bark pushed 
off, " your mule seems rather uneasy." 

" My son," said the good priest, with mild re- 
proof, "some of these days when you find yourself 
with only a thin plank between yourself and eter- 
nity, a halter round your neck and a priest patting 
you on the shoulder, you'll be a great sight un- 
easier n this ere mule !" 

" Poor fellow 1 he died in poverty !" said a man 
of a person lately deceased. " That isn't any- 
thing," exclaimed a seedy bystander. " Dying in 
poverty is no hardship. It's living in poverty that 
puts the thumbscrews on a fellow." 




That is what a great 
many people- are doing. 

Ill ■;, don't know just what 

is the matter, but they have 

a combination of pains and 
" hi , and each month they 
grow worse. 

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yet found is Brown's Iron 
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strength. 

This is why Brown's 
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kidney and liver diseases, 
consumption, rheumatism, 
neuralgia, dyspepsia, mala- 
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Mr. Simon Elanchard, a well- 
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county, Kentucky, says : "My wire 
had been sick for a long lime, and 
her constitution was all broken 
down and she was unable lo work. 
She was advised to use Brown's Iron 
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charm. We would not now be with- 
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consider it the best tonic in the 
world." 

Brown's Iron Bitters 
is not a drink and does not 
contain whiskey. It is the 
only preparation of Iron 
that causes no injurious ef- 
fects. Get the genuine. 
Don't be imposed on with 
imitations. 



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for all diseases of the Kidneys and 

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nrjnj nujn Ifyouaresufferingfrom. 

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il- SOLD BY DRUCCISTS. Price 



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Ii a certain cure for NERVOUS DEBILITY, 
UI*T M INHOOD, and nil thf evU effects ol 
youthful frillies aud chesses. 

IMC. DINT/IE, who is a rceulsr physician, 
Rnduate of the University of Pennsylvania, 
will agree to rorreii l-'Ue liuodn-d Dollars for 
ae^eofthekind the VITAL ltLSTURATIYB 
(unoer his special ndviee and treatment) will 
not cure. Price, S'J a, bottle ; four times tbo 
.-.ii.ituhv, £10. Sent lo auv adJress, cosfi- 
dkm-hlly. by A. E, MINTIE. M. D., No. II 
Kcarnv Street. S. F. Send Tor pamphlet. 

BAJIPLB BOTTLE ETREE will be sent to 
anr one iiriplying by letter, stating symptoms, 
sci aud ace. Strict secreej- in rll transaction*. 



12 



THE WASP. 



THE CAPITAL OF THE COMMONWEALTH.— III. 



Special Correspondence of the Wasp. 



Sacramento, Jan. SI, 1SS3. 
Since my last letter to the Wasp I received a 
communication from my cousin, ex-Senator Gil- 
hooly of Brannan street, which fills me with grave 
apprehensions of the future of the Democratic 
party. The Senator informs me that at the last 
meeting of his club resolutions condemnatory of 
the growing practice < f excluding citizens of Irish 
birth and parentage from public office were unani- 
mously adopted. For years I have labored under 
the fear that the hot blood of the Celtic race would 
rise against the tyrannous oppression of caste that 
has kept it from sharing the benefits of the State 
treasury. As a good Democrat the thought has 
been to me a torture, and I find my fears in a fair 
way towards realization far sooner than I had ex- 
pected. I find that my apprehensions are shared 
by such a distinguished authority as Mr. Tralalaloo 




Of the Hangtown Hammerer, who has attended 
every Democratic Legislature since '49. Mr. Tra- 
lalaloo occupies a prominent seat in the Senate 
chamber. Though an American, his heart bleeds 
for the distressed people who get but 89 per cent, 
of the offices, and the columns of his journal are 
at their service. He is depicted in the act of 
writing a scathing editorial for the Hammerer on 
the crime of denying us 98 per cent, of the official 
representation. His thoughtful air is caused less 
by the importance of the literary task than the 
doubts whether the advantage of editing the ad- 
vertisement of McGulligan's wood and coal yard, 
and the editorial would not be offset by the loss of 
credit at Hans Schnoffindoffer's grocery. In sen- 
timent Mr. Tralalaloo agrees with the resolutions 
of the Brannan street club, which are but the 
echoes of the indignation expressed here by pat- 
riotic voters who have seen their countrymen ruth- 
lessly thrust out of reach of the public sack by 
representatives of the Southern Chivalry and whol- 
ly unworthy Dutchmen. It makes one's heart 
bleed to think of the atrocities that have been 
perpetrated against the Irish in the name of Amer- 
ican politics ; to remember how they have been 
banned, ostracized and proscribed, as it were ; how 
they have been debarred from the exercise of their 
electoral rights ; excluded from ward clubs ; brow- 



beaten at primary elections, and each cruelly limi- 
ted to the influence of his single vote in selecting 
representatives in the government. To be sure 
some 397 of the 400 policemen of San Francisco 
are the constituents and countrymen of my cousin, 
the Senator ; the Tax Collector caught eels in the 
same bog-hole with him in his youth ; the Sheriff 
of San Francisco came from the same parish in 
Cork ; the StreDt Superintendent came over in the 
same steerage, while the doctors were picking the 
buckshot out of my uncle's landlord. There is 
reason to believe that Judge Toohey is an Irish- 
man. Judge Clough would hardly pass for a lost 
heir of the Bonaparte, and the portraits of Super- 
visor Griffin's ancestors were not amongst the de- 
molished treasures of the Tuilleries.. I admit that 
you cannot swing a fishing pole anywhere from 
North Beach to Hunter's Point without running 
the risk of hooking an Irish wharfinger ; that you 
cannot throw a brick out of any window from 
Lone Mountain to the Market street ferry without 
addling the brain of some Celtic street-sweeper ; 
and that the municipal pay roll might be used as 
the delinquent list of a land league club. But 
what are three paltry rewards ? Do tliey recom- 
pense the faithful devotion of our race ? Do they 
fully represent in American dollars the value of 
our disinterested labors to the party of reform ? 
Let the resolutions of the Brannan street club and 
the suppressed indignation at the Capital answer. 
The response would be an emphatic "No" that 
with its accompanying expletive of "BeJabers" 
would strike dismay to the triumphant Chivalry 
and cause th« Chief Executive to reconsider the 
dangerous policy of darkening the portals of pub- 
lic offices with the inscription " No Irish need 
apply." I am aware that this is a dolorous subject 
to write about, but it h better that the matter 
should be discussed now in public print than be 
left to feed the smoldering fires of discontent and 
supply the raging flames of discord next year when 
we prepare to elect a Democratic President. • The 
skeleton must be dragged from the closet, and here 
it is : 




This is the incubus that crushes the patriotic 
spirit of our people. This is the power behind the 
throne that is supposed to raise the barriers of sec- 
tional jealousy in front of the public sack and 
lower them only when touched by the strains of 
"Dixie" or "Die wacht am Rhein." The prepon- 
derous part of the power behind the throne is la- 
belled "Terry" and represents the rear elevation 
of the great Jurist for the San Joaquin. The tag 
on his coat tails is added for the purpose of identifi- 
cation, as the expression of his back may not be fa- 
miliar to the public in general. There is no sinis- 
ter intimation that the portion of the eminent jurist 
shown so prominently is the most attractive of him, 
or that he is a member of the National Guard and 
obeys the natural impulse to turn his coat tails 
for hostile criticism. The disposition made of the 
celebrated jurist is merely on an artistic conveni- 
ence. The person for whom he serves as a pedes- 
tal is Senator Langford, who is popularly supposed 



to have easier access to the Governor's ear than is 
accorded any other politician in the State. The 
critical observer will not fail to be struck by the ab- 
normal dimensions of Mr. Langford's head and 
dwarfs his body and makes small by comparison 
the seat designed for the reception of the guberna- 
torial frame. This enlargement is not that juve- 
nile disease known as hydrocephalus or the evil 
effects of a picnic in the poison oaks that shelter 
the beautiful city of Stockton. The enlargement 
is a miraculous one that began immediately after 
the San Jose Convention and has continued at an 
alarming rate. Since the commencement of the 
legislative session the Senator's head has swollen 
so enormously that on the night of the inaugural 
ball there was talk of putting a candle in his hat 
and having him pose as the dome of the Capitol, 
thus avoiding the expense of lighting that enor- 
mous bulge on the roof of the State building and 
carrying out the Democratic principle of economy. 
So much ditficulty has lately been experienced by 
petitioners for the Senator's influence, in finding 
his ear, that the Surveyor General will at the ear- 
liest opportunity prepare a map of the Senatorial 
protuberance and a guide book for the enlightment 
of those who can do their own reading. The Sena- 
tor has not been seen at his desk for a week and it 
is therefore feared that the swelling has reached 
such proportions that the entrance to the Capitol 
will have to be widened to accommodate the unfor- 
tunate gentleman. It may be remarked, however, 
that his affliction attracts comparatively little at- 
tention here, as enlarged craniums are as common 
as genuine bottles in the Capitol. It remains to 
be seen whether this publication of the party skele- 
ton in the Wasp will avert the impending calamity 
and be the means of according some consideration 
to a harrassed and neglected race which can pro- 
duce such magnificent specimens of statesmanship 
as Senator Sullivan of the Thirteenth District. 




/ ' i v 



Mr. Sullivan is depicted in the act of offering to 
the Senate a bill for the amelioration of his dis- 
tressed race entitled "An Act to make the degrees 
of N. B. and A. O. H. , synonymous, and to com- 
pel colleges and educational commissions to recog- 
nize the same." 

Senator Sullivan's eyes in the accompanying 
portrait are fixed on the row of youth and female 
beauty which surrounds the Senate every fine after- 
noon, and contains all grades of feminine physical 
and moral loveliness from that of the faithful and 
respected mother of future statesmen to the un- 
fortunate seeker of a committee clerkship. The 
latter class so far outnumbers the former that a 
week's observation of the female audience is cal- 
culated to give the superficial observer the idea 
that the object of woman's existance is to petition 
for clerkships and exhibit the quality of her stock- 
ings. A picture of the clerical wall flowers that 
fringe the Senate would in the luxuriousness of its 
display make a fine frontispiece for the Police 
Gazette. I have observed that this system of silent 
electioneering is eminently successful, and that the 
most pleasant sinecures fall to the best turned 
ankles and the neatest curveture of hose. It 
wo».ld be in the interest of economy to devise some 
less romantic method of apportioning political 
favors for the distracting influence of clocked 
stockings hampers legislation, and will eventually 
drag our party into the slough of an extra session. 



THE WASP. 



13 



I am informed of Senator Kellogg, who is par 
• xeeUence the critic of clerical ankles, that for hours 
after he leaves the Senate chamber this is the one 
vision that dances before his delighted eyes. 



"sZZm* 



TALK. ABOUT THEATERS. 




Pebcival Gilhooly. 



A lecturer on the science of astronomy said in a 
recent lecture in New York that it would take a 
railroad train running forty miles per hour without 
stops about 2(>5 years to make the journey from the 
earth to the sun, and at one cent per mile the fare 
would be over *!UX),000. That seems to eternally 
bust all hopes of getting to the sun by rail, as the 
time consumed in getting there would make it 
necessary for a person to start very early in life 
and the chances are he would be old and rheu- 
matic before he got there. And again, the fare 
is pretty steep, and we doubt if there is a person 
in the country who would give nine hundred thou- 
sand dollars for a ticket to the sun, and run the 
chances of the engine getting a hot box and hav- 
ing to side-track aDd run into a comet for repairs. 
Science is a great thing perhaps, but it wastes its 
wind when it talks about railroading to the sun. 
— Perk's Ski,. 



"How many times have you been married?" 
was asked of a colored legislator. 

" Wall, boss, I ain't much on figgers an' you'll 
sorter hafter help me. I was married ebery time 
I changed masters." 

" How often did you change masters i " 

" Dat's what I don't know ; boss, and that's 
whar I wants yer ter do a little figgerin 1 . Now, ef 
yer can tell me by 'dition an' 'straction how many 
times I changed ban's afore de wah, den we can 
get at de correck number ob wives which I has 
been in possession ob. " — Arkinsaw Traveler. 



A Virginia preacher, who bought his butter from 
his brother Paul, sent for a fresh supply for his 
Sunday dinner and was in the midst of his sermon 
when his negro servant returned and took his seat 
in the church. The preacher had eloquently re- 
lated what Matthew, Mark, Luke and John had 
said in relation to the subject matter of his text, 
and he then said, in thundering tones: " And 
what does Paul say f" The negro, thinking the 
question addressed to him replied, in the hearing 
of the whole congregation : '^Marse Paul says as 
how you can't »et any more butter till you've paid 
for dat you got last week." 



After the Revolution of 1848 an amiable Social- 
ist took refuge in Geneva, where he began the pub- 
lication of a weekly paper devoted to promulgating 
the great idea of the equal division of all prop- 
erty. 

In Hue course a relative of the reformer died and 
left him a legacy of 15,000 francs. 

The paper appeared as usual next week, but 
there had in the meanwhile been a slight modifica- 
tion of the proprietor's programme. 

"All property should be equally divided," he 
wrote, "share and share alike when its value ex- 
ceeds 15,000 francs !" 

Alphonse Daudet's new French novel is said to 
" treat of a subject never yet handled by a French 
novelist." We suspect it treats of morality. 

Everything is ready for the coronation of the 
Czar, but he continues to send his regrets. 



The Beemingly justified assumption that the public 
now-a-days desire the excitement of the melo-drama in 
prefer* nee to thi 6m r i motii us ol high i omedy or legiti- 
mate drama i on Bnd no stronger refutation than the suc- 
cess of Esmeralda at the Baldwin Theater. The eimplic- 
ity "f the story "f that play seems quite tame I" - ■:■■■ 
of the recenl blood and thunder, marrow-freezing plays, 
which evidently wen- supported by our public simply be- 
cause of the absi nee of comparison. It may he all very 
well to cater to the natural desire for exciting Bight-seeing 
and stirring climax of criminal complications, but it cer- 
tainly dees not satisfy any intellectual craving, neither 
does it stimulate the gentle By input hies for human weak- 
nesses. Etmeralda has proven itself to be as i otent an at- 
traction as tliL' most violently exciting plays, "i" the most 
gorgeous spectacles, that preceded it. Much uf that is 
tlue to the extremely careful mounting of the play and to 
the superior quality of the representation of its charact- 
ers; the acting is so uniformly good that the strength of 
any individual performance melts imperceptibly into the 
excellence of the whole. One of th*> features of the per- 
formance is that of a change >■( stei.e, which occupies 
something like 40 seconds, which time suffices to trans- 
form the interior of an humble house in North Carolina 
into the most bewildering arrangement of a Parisian art- 
studio, crowded with a complete bazaar of picturesque 
bric-a-brac. The Madison -Square management are de- 
serving of their success, if for no other reason than that of 
aiming at a refinement of taste and for their honest en- 
deavor to satisfy every promise made to the public. The 
music, which is intended to bridge over the tediousness of 
long waits and entre-acts, is so rarely of an acceptable 
quality that the theater orchestra at the Baldwin deserve 
special commendation for the excellence of their perform- 
ance. 

" The laugh of yonder days is yet a smile." How glad 
we are to meet with those who return to us after a time 
of absence if their acquaintance has been a pleasure. Not 
that we have missed then., for no one is missed very long 
in this world and nothing is easier to fill than vacancies, 
but that the recollection of past pleasure strenthens the 
pleasure of anticipation — and so some of the late acces- 
sions to the Minsti els have pleasantly renewed their ac- 
quaintance with our people, and there has rarely been 
such a home-like "entre-nous" feeling in that cosy lit- 
tle place as now. Emerson and Keed are as funny as 
ever, the Quartette sing as sweetly as before, but " Sena- 
tor Doolittle " and the "Wood Sawyer" and the "Anti- 
Fat Twins " had the laugh on them. It need scarcely be 
added that their theater is packed every evening. 

At the California Theater Mme. Ellmenrei'ch, the emi- 
nent German actress, is to appear next Monday for the 
first time in English drama ; those who have rehearsed 
with her predict a great success ; at all events it will be 
more interesting than Around Ike World in Eighty Days 
at SI. 50 per seat. It seems a short sighted policy to play 
in a house but half filled with spectators when a judicious 
reduction might fill it. But it is an open question whether 
that performance would he particularly satisfactory at 
any price ; so it does not matter now. 

rop still fills the Standard brimful of fun, but will soon 
give way to Miss Minnie Palmer in a new play ei. titled 
My Sweetheart. 

Travinia at the Tivoli is doing a good business and 
Iolanthc at the Winter Garden proves attractive. 



A gentleman at the theater sits behind a lady who wears 
a very large hat. " Excuse me, madam : but unless you 
remove your hat I can see absolutely nothing." Lady ig- 
nores him. "Exeuseme, madam, but unless you remove 
your hat something unpleasant will happen." Lady ig- 
nores him again. Gentleman puts on his own hat. Loud 
cries from the audience: " Take off that hat ! take off 
that hat ! " Lady thinks they mean her hat, and re- 
moves it. " Thank you, madam." 



A foolish showman once advertised for the following 
curiosities. A printer who carried tobacco, a negro min- 
strel who did not wear a plug hat, a woman who did not 
wash her face with a rag, an editor who had $10 in his 
pocket, a dog whose hind legs were plumb with his front 
legs, a business manager who does not consider the editors 
robbers, and a pair of shoes that were too small for the 
lady who wore them. The foolish showman died a death 
of bitter disappointment. 



TO CONTRIBUTOR AND CORRESPONDENTS. 

Squib. -Thank you ; wi are unable to use th< 
however. 

Ci I mi Mr, i. Accepted, w e had lost track • ■!" you. 

J. 1*. No. He cares nothing about either race or any 

religion. His onlj fellows aa you 

to talking and writing about him. Personally he is a 

very g I fellow . 

< Iliver, Sacramento. STouan pour base. The 

gentleman you mention i- not our correspondent. 
Not that it \b any of your business, though. 



MUSIC BOXES, KINK CLOCKS, WATCHES 

and Jewelry and Fans repaired. S, ■'. Pembroke, 212 
i 'Tamil street, above Powell, San Francisco. Orders 
from the country prompt I j attended to. 



REMOVAL. 

The old and well known house of J. W. Tucker & Co. 
lias removed to the corner of Kearny and i ieary streets. 
Friends and the public will please take notice. 

PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 

The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 1882 
64,188 barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in tin's city. (See Official Report, 
U. S. Internal Revenue, January, 1883.} The beer from 
this brewery has a Pacific Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 

Persons recovering from wasting diseases, such as ma- 
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Brown's Iron Bitters, a true tonic. 



DENTISTRY. 

C. (). Dean, D. D. S., 120 Kearny street, San Francisco. 




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Price of either, $1. Six bottles for $5- TheCompounl 
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14 



THE WASP. 



" ANOTHER TYRANT FALLEN. 



The journal from which the following is quoted 
is not published secretly in St. Petersburg but 
openly in Boston. It is called Liberty but perhaps 
License would be the better name : 

" Not this time a Czar of Russia by the hand of 
a Sophie Perovskaya, but Leon Gambetta by the 
hand of Madame Leonie Leon ; not a frank, out- 
spoken, unmistakable tyrant by the hand of a 
woman representing the people he had oppressed, 
but a cunning, two-faced, plausible tyrant by the 
hand of a womam representing in her own betrayal 
the people he had betrayed. It is a flitting ending 
to the life of one of the most dangerous characters 
of Europe, over whose disappearance Liberty, not 
in a spirit of triumphant revenge, but simply voic- 
ing a sincere desire for the public welfare, can only 
rejoice. And yet journals and public men the 
world over — professed raidicals among the rest — 
vie with each other in doing homage to the mem- 
ory of this self-seeking political adventurer ! " 



A man in Boise city proposes that if he is given 
the exclusive right to sell spirituous liquors in that 
town he will agree to pay the indebtedness of the 
city and school district, and forever keep up a first- 
class public school sufficient to educate all the 
children, pay a good liberal salary to every preacher 
for every church in the city, and build a new church 
every five years. 



This account of a most extraordinary occurrence 
is from the Oroville Evening News : 

A fight occurred between two negroes on Mont- 
gomery street, just below the mill, which J. R. 
Peterson was riding. Mr. Peterson was thrown off 
the horse head-foremost, knocking him senseless 
and bruising him up a good deal. One of the ne- 
groes was cut. 



Parliament is always the pow-wow behind the 
throne, says the New Orleans Picayune. 



She once was mine, 

But now, oh Lord, 
I her to thee resign, 

And remain, 
Your obedient humble servant, 

Robert Kemp. 



" General," said a United States Senator to a dis- 
tinguished official in Washington, " why do you take two 
drinks before breakfast ? Wouldn't one tone you up 
enough ? " To which the General replied, "Senator, the 
reason is this : when I take one drink it always makes 
me feel like another man, and then, you see, I am bound 
by common courtesy to treat that man, and so I take a 
second." 



" Did yer ever know how I kem pooty nigh havin' a 
narrer escape ? " asked Czardine. ct No," was our reply 
" Yes, I did. Yer see when I was a young man, I want- 
ed to marry Miss Clute, she as married Joe Stebbins. I 
axed her if she'd be a Czardine, and she sez no. Last 
week her husband broke through the ice, and come mighty 
nigh bein' drowned. If she'd said yes, d'ye see what a 
narrer escape I'd had ? " and the old man picked up his 
pile of old papers and scuffled down stairs. 




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upon the system. 

Permanent Cures Guaranteed. 
Price, $2,50 per bottle, or a, bottles $10.00 
To be had only of On C. D. SALFIELD. 
216 Kearny Street, San Francisco. 

TRIAL BOTTLE FKEE, 
Sufficient to show its merit, will be sent to 
anyone applying by letter, stating his symp- 
toms and age. Communications strictly 



H. R. MACrWKLA.NK. 



Geo. W. Macfarlane. 



G. W. Macfarlane & Co. 

IMPORTERS AND 

Commission Merchants 



FEKE-PROOF i:ill[>l\<.. 53 <(| ■:■;% STKEET, 

Honolulu. Hawaiian Islands. 



CONSUMPTION CURED ! 

A Good Family Remedy, 

STRICTLY PURE, 

liar in less to the most delicate ! 

By its faithful use CONSUMPTION has been CURED 

when other Remedies and Physicians have failed 

to effect a cure- 

Jeremiah Wright, of Marion County, W. Va., writes 
us that his wife had Pulmonary Consumption, and was 
pronounced incurable by their physician, when the use 
of Allen's Lung Balsam entirely cured her. He writes 
that he and his neighbors think it the best medicine in the 
world. 

Wsi. C. Diggins, Merchant of Bowling Green, Va., 
writes April 4, 1881, that he wants us to know that the 
Lung Balsam lias cured his mother of consumption, after 
the phys : cians had given her up as incurable. He says 
others knowing her case have taken the Balsam and been 
cured ; he thinks all so afflicted should give it a trial. 

Dr. Meredith, Dentist, of Cincinnati, was thought to 
be in the last Stages of Consumption and was induced 
by his friends to try Allen's Lung Balsam after the form- 
ula was shown him. We have his letter that it at once 
cured his cough and that he was able to resume his prac- 
tice. 

Wm. A. Graham & Co., Wholesale Druggists, Zanes- 
ville, Ohio, writes us of the cure of Mathias Freeman, a 
well-known citizen, who had been afflicted with Bronchitis 
in its worst form for twelve years. The Lung Balsam 
cured him, as it has many others, of Bronchitis. 

It is harmless to the most delicate child ! 

It contains no Opium in any form ! 
Recommended by Physicians, Ministers and Nurses. 
In fact by everybody who has given it a good trial. IT 
NEVER FAILS TO BRING RELIEF. 

Call for Allen's Lung Balsam, and shun the use of all 
remedies without merit and an established reputation. 
As an Expectorant it has no Equal ! 

Sold >>,\ all Medicine Dealers. 



Recommended bythe Faculty 
TAR RANT ' S 

COMPOUND EXTRCTS 

— OF — 

Cubebs and Copaiba 

This compound is superior to any 
preparation hitherto invented, com- 
bining in a very highly concentrated 
state the medical properties of the 
Cubebs and Copaiba. One recom- 
mendation this preparation enjoys 
over all others is its neat, portable 
form, put up in pots ; the mode in which it may be taken 
is both pleasant and cot venient, being in the form of a 
paste, tasteless and does not impair the digestion. Pre- 
pared only by TARRANT & CO., 

Druggist and Chemists, 278 and 280 Greenwich street. 
New York. For Sale By All Druggists. 




I CURE FITS 

the disease of FITS, EPILEPSY o 

study. I warrant my remedy locun 

imvt) fulled is no reason r«r not ijoi 

(bra treatise Mid ;i l-'reo Bottle of in, ... 

and Post Office. It costs you nothing for a trim, „„. 

Address Dr. H. G. ROOT, 163 Pearl Street, New York 



When I say cure, I do not mean 

merely to stop them for atlracaud 
then have them return again, I 
mean a radical cure I have maili- 
■ FALLING SICKNESS a life-long 
iho worst cases. Because others 
receiving a euro. Send at once 
fallible remedy. Give Express 
---dl will cure you. 



RICHARDT— BUSH 

ART_riALE; 

On Thursday next, at 12 noon and 
7 30 P. M , we will sell by auction at 
the art galleries of the San Fianci-co 
An. Association, -130 1 ine street, a 
collection of paintings by the above 
named artists, comprising European, 
Cei.tral and South Am-jiican, En-tern 
and California scenery. 

The Pictures are now on view day 
and evening at the gallery, 430 Pine 
street, where catalogues may be had. 
EASTON & ELDRIDGE, 
Auctioneers. 



AMUSEMENTS. 



Baldwin Theater. 

GUSTAVE FKOHMAN 



UNABATED SUCCESS! 
Crowded houses continue to greet 

ESMEEALDA 

AND THE 

MADISON SQUARE THEATER HOME 

COMPANY. 



Now approaching the Four Hundredth Performance. 

In active preparation— YOUNG MISS WIN- 
THROP. Now being presented at the Madison 
Square Theater, New York. 



Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and Mason. 
K r. i- 1. 1 n i i Bros Proprietors and Manager* 



Last nights of Verdi's Grand Opera 

LA TRAVIATA 



Monday, Feb. 5th — Offenbach's charming Comic 
Opera, in four acts, THE BRIDGE OP SIGHS. 
First time in America. 



German Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie Genee 



SUNDAY, - - - FEBRUARY. 4th, 

Benefit of ItDIMIOI 1> KO.IOCK 

Ami appearance of OTTILIE (JENEE in the original cmuical 

part of Auguste Sttrzbaciier in L'Arronge's celebrated 

latest Comedy, in three acts, 

W I T II O I T ( (I \ I I II M 



Sunday Februarv 11th— First appearance of the cele- 
brated Comedian ADOLF LINK. 



MASQUERADE BALL! 

OF THE 

VEREIN EINTRAOHT 




Saturday Evening, Feb'y 10th 

AT THE 

MECHANICS' PAVILION. 



$72 



A WEEK. S12 a day at home easily made. Costly Outfit 
free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



I 1 1M»K TICKETS <n>r Maskers only), 
SPECTATOKS, ---.-- 



- #1 
50 Cents 



A false face alone will not be recognized as Mask. 

All Maskers must be in Costume or Domino. 

Cars will run ALL NIGHT. 

Doors open at 7 o'clock, P. M. 

Concert at S o'clock, P. M, 

Grand March at 8-?,- o'clock, precisely. 

THE COMMITTEE. 



THE WASP. 



15 



PACIFIC COAST STEAMSHIP CO. 

Steamer of this Company win Ban from Broadway 
Wharf, San Francisco, for j>orts hi California, Ore- 
gon, Washington ancl Idaho Territories, liritish 

Columbia and Alaska, oa fellow's : 

California Southern Count Route- The Steamers ORI- 
ZABA and ANCON sail every five days at i» a. if. for San Luis 
Obispo, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles and San Diego, as follows : 
ORIZABA, 10th, 20th nnd 30th of each month. ANl'oN, ;.th, if.th 
and 2ftth of each month. The Steamer LOS ANCKLKS sails every 
Wednesday at S a. II. for Santa Cruz, Monterey, Son Simeon, Cay- 
ucos, Gaviota, Santa Barbara and San Buenaventura. 

Kr.iUii Colombia ami Alaska Koutc. — Steamship 
EUREKA, carrying U. S. .Mails, sails from Portland, Oregon, 
on or about the 1st of each month, for Port Townsend, \V. T., Vic- 
toria, and Nanaimo, B. c., Fort Wrangel, Sitka and Harrisbure;; 
Alaska, connecting at Port Townsend with Victoria and Puget 
Sound Steamer leaving San Francisco the 30th of each month. 

Victoria ami Pujit't Souml Koiit*'.— The SteainersCEti. W. 
EIDER .ind DAKOTA, carrying Her BrittanieMajesty'saiid United 
States mails, sail from Broad wav Wharf, San Francisco, at 2 p. M. 
on the 10th, 20th, and 30th of each month, for Victoria, B. C, Port 
Townsend, Seattle, Tacoma, Steilaeoom and Olympia, making close 
connection with steamboats, etc. , for Skagit River and Cassiar 
Mines, Nanaimo, New Westminster, Yale, Sitka and all other im- 
portant points. Returning, leave Seattle and Port Townsend at 1 
P. u. on the 9th, 19th and 29th of each month, and Victoria (Esqui- 
mault) at 11 a. If. on the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month. 
ISfole.-AVhcn Sunday falls on the 10th, 20th or 30th, steamers sail 
from San Francisco one day earlier, and from Sound ports and Vic- 
toria one day later than stated above.] The Steamer VICTORIA 
eails for New Westminster and Nanaimo about every two weeks, as 
per advertisements in the San Francisco Alt a or Guidb. 

Portland, Oregon, Koute.— The Oregon Railway and Navi- 
gation Company and the Pacific Coast Steamship Company dis- 
patch from Spear Street Wharf one of the steamship* QUEEN OF 
THE PACIFIC, STATE OF CALIFORNIA, OREGON or COLUM- 
BIA, carrying the United States Mail and Wells, Fargo & Co.'s 
Express, every Wednesday and Saturday at 10 a. m. for Portland 
and Astoria, Oregon. 

Enreka anil Humboldt Bay Koute.— Stfamer CITY OF 
CHESTER sails from San Francisco for Eureka, Areata, Hookton 
(Humbolt Bay) every Wednesday at 9 A. m. 

Point Arena anil Mendocino It on te.— Steamer CON- 
STANTINE sails from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 3 P. M. 
every Monday for Point Arenas, Cuffey's Cove, Little River and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket Office. 214 Montgomery Street. 

(Opposite the Russ House) 

GOODALL, PERKINS & CO., General Agents 
No. 10 Market Street, San Francisco. 



BILLIARDS. 

P. LIESENFELD, Manufacturer. 

Established - - . - . 1856 

SOLE AGENT FOR THE ONLY GENUINE 

Patent Steel Plate Cushion, 

<.u:ii:inl< id for Tell Years. 

THE MOST ELEGANT STOCK OP BILLIARD AND POOL 
TABLES ON THE PACIFIC gOAST. 

9 45 Folsom Street, 

NEAR SIXTH. 

Prices 30 per cent. Lower llian any other House on 

the Const. 

IS- SEND FOR A CATALOGUE. -ffil 

BILLIAEDSI 

The Cues in every Billiard-room, Club and Private House 
should be furnished with the 

BILLIARD -ROOM NOISE -SUBDUER 

To prevent players from making; a noi.se by knocking their 

Cues on the floor. Over 250,000 sold during the past 

two years. Invented and patented by 

.MHl> CREAU A ft, Continental Hotel, Philadelphia, 

Sole agent in Penn'a for the Standard American Billiard and Pool 
Tables, manufactured only bv H, W. COLLENDER. Wanted, 
agents to sell SUBDUERS in all parts of the United States. Price, 
$1 perdoz. For sale by all Manufacturers and Dealers. 

RUPTURE 

Kelieved and cured without the injury trusses inflict, by 
Dr. J. A. SHERMAN'S method. Office, 251 Broadway, 
New York. Book, with likenesses of bad capes befcre and 
after cured, mailed for 10 cents. 



BURR & FINK, 



8:30 



SOUTH PACIFIC^ COAST R. R. 

Oakland. I In in I'd ji, %t- vturk, San .lose, Los (dittos, 
Glenwood, leliou am! Snulu Gnu. 

PICTURESQUE BCENERY, MOUNTA1M views. BIG TEBESj 

■*- Santa Clara Valley, Monterey Bay. Forty milt-n slmrlfr tu 
SANTA CRUZ than anv other route. No change of cars ; DO dust 
Equipment and road bed first-class. PASSENGER TRAINS leavs 
station, foot of Market street. BOOTH BOB, at 

A. M., daily, West San Lorenzo, West San Lcandro, Rus- 
alls, Mt. Eden, Alvarado, Mulls, Newark, OnUrvHle, 
Howrys, AIviBO, Afrnewa, Santa Clara, SAN JOSE, Lob Oatoa, 
Alma, Wrights, Highland, Ok-nw nod, Oun^hcrtvs, Felton, Big Trees 
and SANTA CRUZ, arriving 12 M. 

2,Qfl '" " ■ "' il,v K\pr..-s ; Mt. Eden, Alvarado, Newark, Cen- 
■ OU tervUle, Alviso, Agnews, Santa Clara", SAN JOSE and Lou 
Gains. Through to SAM A « It! /, every Saturday. 

4»Qfl ''■ *'- (Sundays excepted), f"r SAN JOSE and Intermedi- 
.013 at. stations. 

nil Sundays, Sportsmcn'H Train. 4:110 A. M. Return train 

Ull leaves Sun Jn.se at 5:1.'. P. M., arriving at San Francisco, 7:85. 
tfJC EXCURSIONS TU SANTA CRUZ AND &2.50 TO SAN 
WU Jose on Saturdays and Sundays, to return until Monday in- 
clusive. 

TO OAKLAND AM> tinilin. 

§6:30— 7:30— S:30-9:30— 10:80— 11:30 A.M. tl2:S0— 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 4:30— 5:30— 0:80— 7:30— 10:00 and 11:30 P. M. 

From Fourteenth nn<l AVelister streets. Oakland— §5:f>7 
—§6:57— 7:57— 8:52— 9:52— 10:52— "111:52 A. M. 12:52—1:52—2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20 P. H. 

From High street, Alaiiierta-§f.:45-§6:45-7:45-8:35-9:36 
—10:35—1111:35 A. M. 12:35—1:35—2:85—3:35—4:35—5:35—0:35 
—10:05 P. M. 

gDaily, Sundays excepted. If Sundays only. 

Stations in Oakland, but two blocks from Broadway, connecting 
with all street car lines, for Piedmont, Temescal, University, Cem- 
eteries, etc. Time as short as by any other route. Try it. 

TICKET, Telegraph and Transfer oltices •»'»■£ Montgomery street, 

S. F. ; Twelfth and Webster, Oakland ; Park street, Alameda. 

A. H. FRACKER, R. M. GARRATT, 

Oct. 29. Gen'l Supt. G. F. & P. Agt 



Citizens' Ins. Co., St. Louis, - Assets. $450,000 

German Ins. Co., Pittsburg, - " 350,000 

Farragut Fire Ins. Co., N. Y., - " 435,000 

Firemen's Ins. Co., Baltimore, - " 545,000 
Metropolitan Plate Glass Ins. 

Co., New York, - — - " 141,000 

Office— 219 Sansome Street, S. f\ 

E. D. FARNSWORTH &. SON 



THE SOUTH BRITISH AND NATIONAL. 
W. J. CALLINGHAM & CO., 

So. 213 SANSOME STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, 0AL. 

14,799 Sold in 1881. 




Klmwond, ttlenwood, Hudson and Onr Choice. 



DON'T FAIL TO EXAMINE THE ELMWOOD, GLENW00D, 
HUDSON and OUR CHOICE before purchasing a Range, as 
they are the latest improved patterns and made from selected 
stock. The smoothest castings. The best bakers. Requires one- 
half the fuel consumed by ordinary Ranges. Three sizes of each 
Range ; twelve different styles. Has Patent Elevated Shelf, auto- 
matic Oven Shelf, patent Check Draft, Broiler Door, etc. For sale 
at same prices as common Ranges. Every one Warranted. Ask 
your dealer for them. 

W. S. RAY & CO., 12 Market Street. 



, AND NOT WEAR OUT. 
Theae KEYS are sold 
by Ill~WAT0H MAKERS and JEWELERS on the PA0IFI0 
OOAST. By Mail, 25 Cents. 

BIROH & CO. 36 Dey Btreet, New York. 



SfpiRST NIGHT OUT." New comic set of cards and price-list 
T mailed on receipt of 10c. WIIITI.VG, 50 Nassau Street, 



620 Market Street, 



Opp. Palace Hotel Entrance, 



NORTHERN PACIFIC RAILROAD 

A.NH 

Oregon Railway and Navigation Co. 

WITH THEIR UNIQUE AND VARIED ROUTES OF RTVEH 
and Rail TruiiH)»ortat.i«>ii penetrate all sect sol tin Pa 

Northwest, and form direct routes - i 

Up tin- Columbia- To the Dalles, Umatilla, Pendleton, Walla 
Walla, Dayton, the Palouse Country, Bnake Rivet r<>inte,^and 
Lewiston ; 



Spratflle, Spokane Fulls, Uike I 'end il'i Ircillc. and all i«-ints hi 

Nortiii in Idaho and Montana ; 

In the Willamette Valley T.» Oregon City, Xidcm, and 
the Beautiful country ofSouthern Oregon : 

iimui tin* Colombia Through the mosl picturesque scene- 
rj to Astoria and [ntermedlateJPoInta 

Over to riiKfi Bound ToTfcu ia, Olympia, Seattle, Port 

Townsend, Victoria and Bellngham Boy— a section unrivaled for 
Its delightful climate and charming prospects. 



The Northern Pacific is the New Route 
for Montana. 

Dully Stage* connect with trains on Clark- Fork Division, 
direct for .MInmhiIu and all neighboring points. 

JOHN MUIR, 
Sup't of Traffic, Portland, Oregon. 
Sun Francbeo office :\ i limit gome ry St. 



i863. Only Pebble Establishment. 1882 




PEBBLE SPECTACLES! 




MULLER'S OPTICAL DEPOT 

130 Montgomery St.. near Bush. 

Specialty for 32 years. Established, S. F., 1863. 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. 
The most complicated cases of defeotive vision 
thoroughly diagnosed, free of charge. 

Compound Astigmatic Lenses Mounted 
to Order 

^•AT TWO HOURS' NOTICE.^S 



Deutsche Apotliekc. 



MALDONADO PHARMACY, 

36 Geary Street, 
EDWARD NEUMANN, 

PH ABM A CIST and CHEMIST. 



Fannacfe italiana. 



CARD COLLECTORS. A handsome set of cards for 3-cent 
stamp- A. G. BASSETT, Rochester, N. Y. 



Merchant Tailors. 



cfwTfakjfi 



"0 

> 



o 



-I 

X 

m 

O 

> 




y "OUR LITTLE BEAUTIES "- Ro cT G d A a R n g T p T Tl ed - 



Pure, Mild, 
'Fra grant and Sweet.' 



._ ALLEN & GINTER, 

tliinuftirlurrr*. Klrhmnnil, V«. 




ICOX.L 



POPULAR PRiCES! 

LARGE STOCK! 
CHOICE WOOLEN 




H £ f| AILOH 



POPULAR TAILOR! 

Men's and Boys' 



POPULAR STYLES ! 



IV. en's Furnishing Coods. 



Ready-Made Chthing. And Fancy Neckwear. 

Sanq.l.s with Instructions^ j?c_lMIe,,surcnient Sent Free. 816 & 8 1 S Market Street, Sail FraudsCO. 



NEW 

EN8LAND 

BAKING 

POWDER 




Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Cream Tartar and Bi-Caii Soda 
NOTHING ELSE 

Newton Bros. 1 Co. 

SAN FRANCISCO 



AN 
xtraordinary 



Razor 



'AS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
- OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 
so THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO RE- 
JRE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
des over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
aving quite a luxury. It ia CREATING A 
IEAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
perts, who pronounee it PERFECTION, 
fo dollars in buffalo handle ; S3 in ivory, 
ery Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
terse side the name of \ ill! i.\ JOSEPH, 
1 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
eUnitedStates where they are obtained. Trade 
ppiied ; sent by mail lOe. extra or C. O. D. 
Tbe Queen's Own Company having en- 
'ged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
ORYCARVING KNIVES, TABLE and POCKET 
SIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
e same quality as their inarvelously wonderful 
\ZOR, 

DANICHEFTp 
Kid Gloves - 1 - 

LWAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

Factory, 1 19 Dupont Street, 

it. Geary and Post San Francigco 



3ARLB3 W. Freeman Vincent A. Torras 

TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co. 

BOOK AND JOB 

Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, 

:low Sansome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, French, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



SIBEEIA1T ZB^LS^ZMI 

CURES Catarrh, Astnma, Croup, Coughs, Colds, Afl'ec- 
tions of the Bronchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases of the Kidneys and Urinary Orgins It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause 

IHSPBT. 415 MONTGOMERY STREET. lor sale by all Druggists. 



B. 



£3" Ask For 

ILLOWS DEER. 

Brewed by 0. FAUSS & Co. 

WILLOWS BREWERY 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 19th Sts. , San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR TO 

MASSEY 4 YUNG, 
No. CM S.W'BAML.VTO STREET. 

First House below Kearny. San Francisco. 




"JESSE MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior in 

QUALITY. 




N. Van Bergen & Co., 

SOLK AuKNTS FOR 

"COLD DUST" WHISKEY. 

413 tiny street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. California. 

PianoS 

Chlckerlng&BonB.EcjHtDn; Bluthrer.T-eipzle; 
F. L. Neumann, Hamburg; Q. ScuwecLten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS TO RENT, 
B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrcll St 

NEAR MARKET. SaN FRANCISCO. 
J. J. Palmer. Valentine Rbt 

PALMER & REY, 

Importers ori»rlnllnsandLlth«Kr:»pli*iiK 

:p:r:kjssd±!s 

And Material. 

Sole agents for Cottrell & Rabeock, Peerless and 
J Campbell presses, and new Baxter engines ; also 
makers of the Excelsior steam engines, 

Wardrooms. 40.)i407SansonieSt.s F 

We have ou hand at present a large number of 
second-hand printing- presses, 



II. IE. Hunt, 

San Francisco. 



Prentiss Selby, Sup't. 



H. B. TjNDERniLL, Jr., Sec'y. 



Selfov Smelting; and Lead Co. 

MANUFACTURERS, of 

Lead Pipe, S icct Lead, Shot, Bar Lead, Pis Lead, Solder, Anti-Frlctlon Metal, Lead 
Sash Weights, Lead Traps, Block Tin, Pipe, Blue Stone, Etc. 

Office, 416 Montgomery Street, - - - - san Francisco 

Refiners of Gold and Silver Ears and Lead Bullion. Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



ASK YOUR 

W HITB 



GROCER FOR THE 

ROSE FLOUE 

MANUFACTURED BY THE 

Celebrated Hungarian Process. 



32TSCC local notice in another column. 



83-0 T ^P KENTUCKY •WTIISSTvl^Y.-sai 



CRAIG & KREMPLE 

SUCCESSORS TO 

Craig and Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And EMBALMERS, 
22 & 26 MINT A VENUNE. 
The finest Reception Rooms in the State, 
ders promptly attended to. 



DR .THOMAS HALL'S 

mm 



Hsg-QIIVIMOIVD'S 



NABOB 




THE BEST 

In the World. ^sg^ 7 / |£| 

-a.sk your 
Druggist or Grocer for it. 




es-DEPOT, 429 AND 431 BATTERY STREET, SAN FRANCISCO. ■«» 



ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful appetizer, giving tone and strength 
to the stomach, and as a tonic beverage it has no 
equal ; will cure Dyspepsia or Indigestion, Fever 
and Ague, Biliousness, General Lfcoility and 
kindred diseases. 

This tonic is nnst beueBcial in its results; it 
braces the system, creates an appetite, and de- 
stroys that wretched feeling of ennui which we 
constantly labor under in this enervating climate. 
The tonic for its medictjl qualities excels anv 
other ever offered to the public, having taken the 
first premium at the fairs of Sacramento, San 
Jose, Stockton, Oakland and San Francisco for 
absolute purity, made from pure California Port 
Wine, Wine of P psin and Elixir Calisaya. 

jJSTFor sale everywhere thrroughout the State. 
Depot at JAMES H. GATES' drug store, cor. New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Francisco. 



DRINK FALK'S MILWAUKEE BEER. 



o 

o 



o 
W 

o 

W 
w 



ks-HARDWOOD LUMBER. 



John Wigmore, 

129 to 147 SPLAB STE1.KT, SAN FIEAN'CISl'O. 



DOANE & HENSHELWOOD- -Popular Dry Goods Housa-132 Kearny St.. 8 nttl 




Ask 



KOniEK A CHASE, 13? to 139 Post St., 

Sole Agents for the Celebrated 

Decker Bros Piaaos 

Also for the 
FISCHER and (lie EMKItsOV Pianos. 
Cash or installments. Largest Piano and Music 
House on the Coast. 



H. PL Williae, Jr. 



A. Carlisle. 



A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Stationes, 

226 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Franciscc 

H. HOESCH, 

Restauran t, 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco 



THE NEVADA BANK 

OF SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital Paid lip - - $3,000,000 
Reserve U. S. Bonds - - 4,500,000 

Agency at New York 62 Wall street 

Agency at Virginia, Nevada. 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers. 

Issues Commercial and Travelers' Credits. 
This Bank hap special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 




Fevers. 



Throat, Lungs, 

Catarrh, 

For Coughs, Colds, 

Whcopirg Coughs and 

I wall Throat affections 

Address: ^SpF ll has n0 e 1 uaL 

VALENTINE n ISSUER, 933 Washington SI:, cor. Powell, S. F. 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 




JNO. LEVY & CO., 

Makers and Importers of Fine Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS, PRECIOUS S'ONES, WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE, CARRIAGE and MANTEL 

Clocks, Opera-glasses, Fans, Etc., 

11$ SETTER STREET, San Frnnciseo, Cal, 



THOMAS DAY & CO., 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, -conces, Candlesticks* and 

Bouillotcts. 

RARE BRONZES, BISQUE and FAIENCE WABE 

IN GREAT VARIETY. 



FIRE. MARINE. 

Tie Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 

OF CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS 81,250.000 

HOME OFFICE: 

S. W. Cor. California and Sansome Sts. 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
D. J. Staples, President. 

Alpheus Bull, Vice-President. 
Wm. J. Dutton, Secretary. 

E. W. Carpenter, Assistant Secretary. 



0. I. HUTCHINSON. H. B. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. Califo rnia a nd Sansonie Sts 

CASH ASSETS REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W. L. Chalmers, Z. P. Clark, Special Agents and 
Adjusters. Oapt. A. M. PnrnB, Marine Surveyor. 




FIRE and ~° s m2&^ MARINE. 

415 CALIFORNIA ST., SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital, ; ; ; $300,000 00. 

OFFICERS— C. L.Taylor, President; J. N. Knowles 
Vice-Pres.; Ed. E Potter, Sec'y and Treasurer. Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gustave Nie- 
baum, J. B. Stetson, J. J. McKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Dingley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



PACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO., 

Of London, 
406 CALIFORNIA STREET, S. F. 



"A THIMQ OF BEJUJTY A JI©¥ F©RE¥EIL> W 

■ — ->4— § °-f*4° 3~-5-<- — ■ 

DAMASCUS! 





IT 

Will Make 

SALLOW 
SKIN 

LOVELY, 
GIVING 

HEALTH 

TINTSOF 

YOUTH. 




EVERY 
CAN HAVE 

A BEAUTHUL 

C01LEB0H. 



VIEW OF OUR LABORATORY AND THE ANCIENT CITY OF DAMASCUS. 

fe«m Damas:cii^ and Fo^dei? Bamasm*is MeaEtiftam 






STODDART BROS. SanFrancisco. 



CITY LABORATORY, 400 GEARY ST. 



T**^ 



■aifci j!^ t ^k, >fe 



VOL. X. 



SAN FRANCISCO, FEB. 10, 1883. 



341. 



MMi 



.ISSlte^z 



For 
Breakfast 

AMD 

Lunch 

Go to the 

Hew England 
KITCHEN. 

522 

California SI. 



PHE CELEBRATED 

IAMPAGNE WINES 

lessrs. Deltz 4 Geldbrjjasn Ay, en Champagne. 



CACHET BLANC- Extra Dry, 

Id cases quarts and pints. 

CABINET GREEN* SEAL, 

In baskets, quarts and pints. 

RIH.il \ RED AND WHITE WINES, 

In cases from Messrs. A. de Luze & Fils. 

HOCK "IMS. 
i cases Irom G. M. Pabstmann Sohn, Mainz. 

arles Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
314 SACRAMENTO STREET. 



"Give thy son a literal etetton." 



OHAMBEELAIN & EOBINSON 

PROPRIETORS. 



ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 
OLLEGE. 



U32 



Street 



S,P, 



WSEND FOR CIRCULAR"^ B 



1 Leopold Bro's 

LOEIST 

35 POST STREET, below Kearny 
Bouquets, Baskets /Wreathes, Crosses 



S 




S 

Street. 



hotographer, 



LEN Wl c GMiY & CO, 

WHOLESALE 

QUOR MERCHANTS, 

822 and 324 FRONT STREET, 

N FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



SCOFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

lipping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

12 and 12 3 Front Street, 

— ALSO 

3RAMENTO, STOCKTON AND LOS ANGELES 



Champagne, 

Regular Invoices received direct from Mr. Louis Boederer. Reims, over his signature and 
Consular Invoice. Before purchasing, see that each case and bottle bears our name. 

MACON DRAY & CO., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



donald McMillan, 

Manufacturer and Dealer in 
SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERS, 

ESSENCES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 
714 Front Street, 

(Near Broadway). SAN FRANCISCO. 



"White House" Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT HOLLAND GIN. 

HUM II BRANDIES, 

PORT, Ml i: It It V. Etc. 
In bond or duty paid. 
GEORGE. STEVENS, 
318 Front Street, Room 2, San Franclseo 



For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOR SALE BY AIL DRl'CCISTS. 



James Suea. A. Bocqi'EBAz. R. McKee. 

SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 

WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front and Jaekson Streets, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



E. MARTI N & Co., 

Importers and Wholesale Liquor Dealers. 
"MILTON J. HARDY," 

"J. F. t'L'TTER," 
and "MILLER'S EXTRA" 

Old Bonruou Wnlxklelt. 

408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



S C T3I L I T Z ' 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOEOHTING-, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS & HAEEISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
N. VI. Corner SANSOME and SACRAMENTO Streets, San Francisco. 



k 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonic ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY &. CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. F., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



DT A "N TOflHazelton Bros 
First Class, 1 hallete&cumstok, 
» A) 

Medium Price, J\^ H 



FULL VALUE 

FOB YOTTR MONEY mJ 



M. BENHAM, 

CHAS. S. EATON. 

647 liMarket Street, 



Diper Heidsieck 

r CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

314 California St., Han Frnnclftco, C'al. 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior ! " 

C. Z I N" N S , 

FASHIONABLE TAILOR, 

No. 5 Montgomery Street (Masonic Temple), 



SAN FRANCISCO. 



COLTON 

DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gas specialists for extracting teeth without pain.) 
HAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Building, 

ROOMS 6, 8 and 10, 

Entrance, 806 Market street. 

Dr. CHAS \\. DECKER, Dentist. 



EDWARD E. OSBORN, 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(American and Foreign,) 
320 CALIFORNIA STREET 

Correspondents in Washington, London, Victoria, 
Australia, Montreal, Berlin, Honolulu, Mexico. 




FINE OLD TABLE WINES. 



SAN FRANCISCO. 




Sole Agents for C. Conrad & Go's 

f°BUDWEISER BEERU 



'WHOLESALE DEALERS I IT 




321 MONTGOMERY STREET, San Francisco, Cal. 

Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 



House worth's 

Photographs 

I lie Highest Standard of Excellence, 
2 MONTGOMERY STREET. 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

The Prize Boot and Shoe Maker, 

M 

Eh 

H 
W 

tn 
DQ 




43" Received fawards or CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY; also, 
MECHANICS' LNSTrnjTE, Tor the Rest Work- 
manship. 



. MEUSSDORFFER'S HATS AM "THE" STYLES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



BUY YOUR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR OF CARMANY. 25 KEARNY STREET. 



L. & E. EMANUEL, 

STJOOEaSOKS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manufacturers, Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture and Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULM ANN'S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon. 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco. 
Fresh Bread delivered every day and cateB 
made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN CAV- 
IAR and WESTPHALIA HAMS- German 
A. REI'SCHE. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

DRY MOXOPOIE <e>-tra>, 

1,. ROEDERER (sweet and dry), 
JIOET .V « II IM><>\. 

VEUVE CLICQUOT, 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYE WORKS. 

(John F. Snow & Co.) 
«3" Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

6SS Market Street, Palace Hotel. 
No Branch Office in San Francisco. 
Ladles' & Gents' Suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dyed without shrinking. 
cil.l.«i. J. HOLMES, Prop. 




WILLIAM F. SMITH M. D., 

(Oculist.) 
■pORJIERLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET, HAS 
■^ removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 m. to 3 p. ji. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 
Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

Kos. 114 and 11G Market street, 
Vos. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. JIACDOXALD, President. 

Enterprise Mill & Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Boors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

311 to 2J5 Spear St., 218 to S26 Smart St. 

San Francisco, Cal.. 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THE 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-classRestaurant. 

THE HANDSOMEST DINING-ROOM 

In the World. 
« in. F. HARRISON, Manager. 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NU1IAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 




HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWERY WEST OF ST. LOUIS. 



JOHN WIELAND, 



Proprietor 



olters Brothers&Co 

Importers and Dealers In 



W 

Wines and Liquors 



2?l ralifomiT Ftr^t. San Fr 



Francisco Daneri. Henry Casanova 

F. DANERI & Co., 

Dealers in 

WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

27 and 29 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drumm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



CAN FRANCISCO OTOCK DREWERT, 

Capital Stock 
$200,000 



OUR LAGER BEER BREW- 
ED BT THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANT CLIMATE. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 

Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
the Pacific Coast. 



RUDOLPH MOHR, Secretary. 




DUCED BY FERMENTATION + 
IN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES. 



Natural 

Cbampagne 




DRY AND EXTRA DRY 

raw aA %mmJ#w} ^ Srf 

530 WASHINGTON ST S.F. CAL. 

B^~None Genuine unless bearing our name on Isabel and Corlc.^j 



THE ONLY PRODUCERS 
OF NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 




^FAND££ 




WILLIAMS, DIJMOND & CO. 

SHIPPING AND 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNCTION MARKET AND PINE STREETS 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. S. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Ou- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Co. ; the Hawaiian Line, 
the China Traders* Insurance Co. (Limited); 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the Bald- 
win Locomotive Works; the Glasgow Iron Co. 
Nich. ABhton & SrnTa Palt. 



I KOHLER a FROHLING 

^j^^igomery st. &_ s.e.cor. slitters Dyjyy^kSiS- * 



QJJ-P-- 







The Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed on the Pacific 
Coast. 

Office 
40G Sacramento Street, 

San Francisco. 



L. P. DEGEN, Mak 



ER OF 




Water Prool Leather Belting. 

13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 



A. FINKE'S WIDOW 




CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 



CH 
p, 



A M P A G N 



Pure, delicious and healthful. Lm 
809 MONTGOMERY St., San Franeiseo. 



H . N . COOK, 

Manufacturer of 
OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTINGS HOSE. 

«. 405 11 ABKET STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

KNOW MANNING'S 

Oyster Grotto. 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MORROW & CO., 

liny, Grain and Commission mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS., S. F 

Bonestell, Allen & Co , 

IMPORTERS OF 

PAPEE 



OF ALL KINDS. 

413 and 415 Sansonue St. 



CALIFORNIA 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Refiner}', Eighth and Brannan streets. 

0LAU8 SPRE0KEL8 President 

J.D. 8PEE0KELS Vlce-Preident 

A. B. 8PBE0KELS Secretary 

THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. ADOIJPHE LOW, Presidedt 
Office— 208 California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 



STANDARD LEATHER BELTING. *• S-^SXLtJP* 



r 



CVOL. 10 



y° 34 




£vr&?£/) /?r r//s /°0sr p/f/Cf /?rsM' c /?Mf/sr'0.M£ 4.W /90AF?rv& &# T/tyMsmss/OA' 7-W0OG// 7#£ ,\f/?/i.s .■?/" sjr&.vo arfJS /frfrss 




HALLELUJAH — AMENI 



THE WASP 



A TALE OF WOE. 



[An attempt to adapt Rossetti-Swintmrne, Oscar-Wilde-ism to 
the requirements of modern times.] 

The sky was as dull as a ditch or a bog, — 

Three Kearny-street Jews smoked all in a row I 
The streets were choked with a murky fog, 
The air one breathed wasn't fit for a dog. 
Fair Margaret cried, " Woe's me I Ah, woe ! " 

Most folks went muffled ritjht up to the nose, — 

Three sailors walked into the wax-works show ! 
You couldn't tell friends and you couldn't tell foes : 
Nothing was really the thing you'd suppose. 
Fair Margaret cr'ed, " Woe's me / Ah, woe/" 

Her lover so true had left her that day,— 

three beggars implored just a dime or two I 
He'd gone with his mother to sweet Monterey, 
And had not left, word how long he would stay; 
So Margaret sighed " Woe's me ! Ah, woe / " 



Her tenement fronted the broad street side, — 
Three car-horses stumbled, then on they did go / 

And horsemen and waggons close past her did glide ; 

But darkness came on and scarce one she descried, 
And Margaret wept, " Woe's me./ Ah, woe I " 

She spent the long hours at the window pane — 

Three urchins upon their tin trumpets did blow / 
And people went by her again and again, 
But never her lover in all the dim train. 
And Margaret wept, " Woe's me '. Ah, woe .' " 

As night closed around strange voices she heard, — 
Three cats on the tiles joined in frightful mi-aoiv / 

And her weary young heart alarmingly stirred ; 

She listened intently but caught not a word. 
Fair Margavet cried, " Woe's me / Ah, woe / " 

At length came a knock, like a thunderous roar, — 

Three lodgers ran down in their shirts, without shoe ! 
Her lover burst in, and a friend or two more, 
And cried, " Who are those that await at the door ? ; 
Fair Margaret' gasped, " What? Wliich? Ah, woe/' 



The lamplighter came and lit up the way, — 

Three dressmakers home from their work did go .' 
In front of the door stood three horsemen so gay, 
They asked, " Where's the voice that bids us to stay ? ' 
And Margaret cried. " I said but, Ah, Wee / " 

" * Woe ' to a horse meaneth stop, don't you know ? " 
The lover explained, as he stooped and spoke low — 
Three horsemen set off as if shot from a bow / 
" And when next I a holiday-making shall go, 
Don't sit by the window and carry on so." 
So she muttered 11 Ah won't" instead of "Ah, woe / ' 
— James Burnley. 



SOCIETY, 



Clementina's Letter. 

Dear Tehama; The social event of the week 
was the Sohladhiel tattoo and reception at the 
Royal Wickiup. It was an affair gorgeous beyond 
description, and reflected the highest credit upon 
Her Majesty, Queen Swhellahhed, the Royal Moth- 
er, who, as usual, was in her element in receiving. 
As a receiver Her Majesty is a pre-eminent suc- 
cess — she is equal to a card receiver or a tan 
collector. Speaking of card receivers, I must 
not omit to mention that the nobility of the Islands 
and the rest of us, including the American Lega- 
tion and officers of the Chinese turtle fleet at pres- 
ent wintering in our harbor, received the following 
invitation to the reception : 



; QUEEN SWHELLAHHED 

'. Desires the Exquisite Pleasure of Your Polite Society : 

! At the Tattoo Ceremonial and Reception of 

; Our Most Poyal Daughter, ; 

; 'Princess Bhridwihette Sohtahdhiel, : 

: Tuesday Eve., Nov. 38, 1882. ; 

: Society Islands, Nov. 1, 1883. S. N. 0. B. \ 



These invitations were elegantly embossed and 
bore the royal crest — a kangaroo rampant and a 
peppermint lozenge. In these Islands, dear Te- 
hama, you must know that when a young lady, 
destined to ornament society, reaches the age of 
sixteen, she is tattooed— an event similar in scope 
and intent to the "debut" ceremonial of civilized 



society. The occasion when the tattoo designs are 
chalked upon the fair frame of a Society Island 
lady, and after the first color has been inserted be- 
neath her epidermis, the event is celebrated with 
festivities and hilarious rejoicings. And when one 
of the Royal family, a Princess of the blood Im- 
perial, submits to the needle of the tattooer for 
the first time the affair is stupenduously chic and 
magnificently recherche beyond even the lurid de- 
scription of the social gossip reporter of the metro- 
politan daily. On this auspicious occasion no 
effort has been spared by the genial hostess to 
render the entertainment a veritable shiendhig, as 
it is poetically expressed in the musical native 
dialect. The tesselated floors of the banquetting 
hall of the Royal Wickiup, corresponding to the 
front parlors of a Minna street mansion, had been 
covered with variegated cocoa matting for the 
dancers, and presented a much more pleasing ap- 
pearance than the monotonous white canvass of 
the Vallejo street domiciles on reception nights ; 
moreover, colored matting is not so apt to become 
soiled by the dusty or muddy boots of the7ta»/i ton. 
The door-posts and candelabra were tastefully 
decorated with smilax and pea vines, and the palm 
groves surrounding the Wickiup were illuminated 
with gourd lanterns fashioned in fanciful devices. 
After the guests had assembled, the Princess, 
blushing a rich ashes-of-roses tint, was led forward 
by the Royal Tattooer, supported on the right by 
her uncle, the Duke de Monstrosity, and on the 
left by the Prelate of Fiji. She was followed by 
four Maids of Honor. The beautiful tattooante, 
who is a semi-brunette of the gamboge order, was 
tastefully attired in coral earrings and an embroid- 
ered kilt ; ornaments, shark bones and turtle teeth. 
The Maids of Honor were Miss Alesia Smith, late 
of South Park, Miss Kate O'Rourke, late of Min- 
na street, Miss Euphemia Spargrub, late of the 
Watts Tract, Oakland, and Miss Bella Moran, late 
of Saucelito, all of whom were dressed alike in 
white satin bodices with epaulettes of cloth of 
gold and leotards of spangled silicia a la Bisqui- 
schanti, supporting Vanderbilt trains trimmed with 
broad guage Huntington lace ; cloudlet veils with 
silver lining depended in graceful folds from uni- 
formly auburn coiffures artistically banged ; sailor 
hide moccasins a la Sarah Winnemucca ; stockings 
au nature!; ornaments, seed pearls and cockle 
shells. A short address was delivered by the Pre- 
late, stating the purpose of the ceremonial, after 
which the Princess was led to a low couch where 
she was chalked by the Royal Tattooer. The de- 
signs thus far settled upon by the Royal Family 
Council comprise an elaborate marine view by 
Barney to be pricked on the right shoulder, the 
strawberry mark on her left arm to be enlarged to 
a Jersey lily with Gebhardt pistils, the mole be 
tween the cervical and dorsal vertebra to be sur- 
rounded by a nimbus in yellow ochre, from de- 
signs by Keller. It is also hinted that garters will 
be tattooed a la K. C. B. , including the Royal 
motto " Money, suet, malt and peas, 7 ' derived from 
the favorite potage of the Imperial table, and of 
which the famous motto of English Knighthood is 
a plagiaism and corruption. Should the garters be 
tattooed they will be " done" in ultramarine, but 
as this decoration is only tattooed upon the royal 
limbs of the reigning monarch it is doubtful 
whether the Princess Bhridgghette will be accord- 
ed the superlative honor. It is almost certain, 
however, that the monogram "IT. S. A.," a la 
Mule of the Government, will be tattooed appropos. 
After the chalking, the needle work began and 
continued for several minutes, accompanied by soft 
sighs and mellow moans from the Royal Tattoo- 
ante. The initial ceremony concluded, the merry 
guests abandoned themselves to the varied pleas- 
ures of the hour ; social converse was indulged in, 
and the mazy dance was whirled. At midnight a 
superb collation was served as follows : 

MENU. 

Huitres au Methusalen. 

Finnanhaddies a 1' Ecossaise. 

POTAGES. 

Beans a la buffet libre. 

Clams au "de profundus Clamavi." 

Huitres de Sunday School Festival, au Eureka. 

Boca Veure Cliquot. 

Entrees. 

Missionary fricassee, sauce Baptiste. 

Filet de Kangaroo au Woodward's Gardens. 

Boned Bird of Paradise, Cherub sauce. 

Bacon, decore a la Van Ess. 

Aspic of Tongue au Denis Kearney. 

Fredericksburg Yquem. 



Rotis. 

Roast Lamb, au Chris. Buckley. 

Armadillo au Mail Carrier. 

Chimpanzee au North Beach. 

Canards au Pickering. 

Din(g) don(g) au Pixley. 

Buddweiser Eclipse. 

Legumes. 

Leeks au Street Department. 

Cucumber farcis au Cholera Morbus. 

Hachis d' Onions et Garlic. 

Breadfruit Yams. 

Piper Schlitzsic. 

Dessert. 

Bread Pudding, Imperial Sauce. 

Cabinet Pudding, Nabob Sauce. 

Chateau Milwaukee. 

Glaces. 

Bombardes au Navy AMERICAINE. 

Corn Starch a la Women's Temperance Restaurant. 

Oakland Mumm, Extra Dry. 

Chiccory, Crackers and Cheese, 

Opium Pipes. 

Mandragora. 

More Beer. 

After the banquet dancing was resumed, and the 
light fantastic hula tripped until the wee sma* 
hours to the delicious strains of the Presidio band, 
when those who were sober dispersed, well pleased 
with the delightful manner in which the revelry 
had been fostered by the hospitable hostess. Among 
other notable people present I noticed Baron Pee- 
meekartee, Keeper of the Royal Feed Trough and 
Grand Chamberlain of the Imperial Nose Ring ; 
His Royal Highness Simpson Machghlahthrarhee, 
Most Potent Executor of the Royal Will ; Auxen- 
cico Maro Poeno Venezuela Hildreth Dickeson of 
New Jersey, American Minister and Ambassador 
Plenipotentiary to the Court of Her Royal Nibs, 
Queen Swhellahhed ; T. Jinks, Secretary to the 
American Legation; Marquis de Murfee of San 
Francisco ; Hon. Duncan LeWarne, R. A. N. ; 
G. 0. T. Count Robert Von 0. Ehlhaffen, Adju- 
tant Extraordinary to the King of the Cannibal 
Islands ; Baron Whuckockeridemofiieschaupunpon- 
sky, a noble political refugee from the ironclad des- 
postism of a Russian tyrant, seeking an alliance 
with a rich coffee planter's daughter, Lady Ichi 
Ban ; Lydia Pinkham, visiting the Islands for 
health ; The Unmentionable Mrs. Stow ; Misses 
Nellie Black, Jennie Grey, Blanchie Brown, Mau- 
die White, forming a perfect galery of beauty and 
a convocation of scintillating brilliancy and female 
loveliness ; Messrs. Jeffie Leerberger, Frankie Bal- 
linger, Countie Von Huhn, Joie Irwin, Rossie 
Jackson, Tommie Williams, Paulie Vandor, Hughie 
Burke, Simpie Simpson, Andie Morrison, Freddie 
Hackett, Georgie Squires, Tommie Flynn, Dannie 
O'Connell, J erne Hart, Cockie Cockaigne, Dunkie 
Milne, Warrie Cheney, Harrie Dam, Eddie Town- 
send, Paddie Murphy, Horrie Wright, Frankie 
Chase, Mickie de Young, Frankie Pixley, Lorrie- 
Pickering, Freddie Marriott, Deakie Fitch. 

Clementina. 

Hottongmlle, Society Islands, Dec. 3, 1882. 



This is how the Stockton Herald prefers to make 
itself disagreeable to contemporaries that it has not 
the happiness to approve of : 

We have no special anxiety to add the scalp of 
the editor of the San Jose Times to the row on our 
girdle, but if he does not cure himself of the vice 
of wreaking his able shears upon these columns 
and giving the glory to some other paper, his es- 
teemed topknot shall be ours. 



St. Louis society is agitated by the fact that a 
beau got into a carriage with a belle to escort her 
home from a ball, at which time his face was 
smooth and fair, but when he emerged his eye was 
blackened, as though by the blow of the fist, and 
the girl walked up the steps of her home alone. 



A human skeleton can be bought for $25. At 
this price it hardly pays a man to raise his own 
skeleton ; but some poor families will continue to 
worry along without a skeleton in the house as long 
as they can get three dogs for a dollar and a half. 



The old-fashioned policeman used to give an 
alarm by rapping on the pavement. When he was 
not walking his beat he was beating his walk. 



A friend that every man turns his^back on- 
back. - L anAHOin^ -_■■ 



-his 



THE WASP. 



3 



THE CAPITAL OF THE COMMONWEALTH.— IV. 



Special Coriibspondehge o* rHE Wasp. 



Sacramt nto, !'• b. . I 183. 

.My recent letter descriptive of theatrocil i 
ire perpetrated on the Irish in Californian politics 
lias, I am proud to say, been already produc 
jreat reforms. During the past week tin- 
men of Celtic antecedents have received many flat- 
tering recognitions from those in authority 
tain i "of ley lias been assured by the colored porter 
of the executive department that his application 
for the position of Pilot Commissioner would not 
fail to receive attention. Senator Harrigan, while 
tewing the Governor the other afternoon. 
was permitted to treat his Excellency to a cigarette. 
Senator Cronan, who, I am proud to say, comes 
from our great metropolis, which adds the irresist- 
able charm to the golden shore of our beautiful 
State, lias been allowed to do the dirty work for 
the railroad, and almost supersedes Major Gillis in 
the affections of Mr. -Stanford's kept beauty, Col- 
onel Stow. The disposition to open the doors of 
political preferment to statesmen of foreign birth 
or parentage has been extended even beyond the 
purple hills of Tipperary and has gone forward on 
its magnanimous mission until it has spread joy 
among the deep fjords and the snow-capped moun- 
tains of Scandinavia. That distinguished Norse 
statesman, Senator Nelson, is giving Senator Cro- 
nan a close rub, and in the substantial rewards of 
patriotism that have come in the shape of mileage, 
"perquisites," etc., is believed to be fully three 
dollars ahead of the Thirteenth District representa- 
tive. Not all the financial ability of the Roth- 
schilds and all the rash commercial enterprise of 
Dick Turpin and A'asquez could show a more mer- 
itorious result. As compared with the benefits 
lately showered on these naturalized and hitherto 
neglected lawmakers, the paltry rewards of anti- 
police and debris legislation and the small testimo- 
nials of esteem that have been accorded native 
statesmen by anxious bull-butterers and grateful 
contractors have been as the " sand 1J of a militia 
general is to that of the Mojave Desert. Though 
my sympathies are with the foreigner, I must admit 
that the native statesman is showing great speed, 
and that in the present sack race he has fallen in 
the rear, is not so much the fault of his inclinations 
as of his opportunities. 

The Legislature is now in the throes of hard 
work, as can be seen by the accompanying picture 
of the Sergeant- at- Arms of the Assembly pursuing 
his laborious vocation. 




There is a mistaken idea outside the halls of 
legislation that the position of a Sergeant- at- Arms 
is a sinecure of great profit. The sketch here 
given will correct the error. The task of straddling 
a dog-pit for six nights in the week is enough to 
test the strength of the most powerful ahtlete and 
is wearing out the vitality of the incumbent, a fact 
made painfully apparent by the elongation of his 
legs, the attenuation of his body and the haggard 
expression of his back hair. The twenty-dollar 
piece which he holds up for speculative purposes is 
drawn on the scale of an inch to the mile, to give 
an idea of the size which it takes in the hungry 
eyes of the few starving Republicans who are feast- 
ing on its distant and enchanted loveliness. It 
will be seen that the Sergeant's vest needs pulling 
down, but this is a mere affectation of rustic care- 
lessness, copied from John P. Irish, with a view to 
capturing the hoosier vote and becoming door- 
keeper of the House of Representatives when the 
editor of the Oakland Times shall have been sent 
on by Mr. Stow to advocate consolidation of the 



tilroad lines of the country. It mu 

however, b 
■ out his young Life bj 
P 1 * and cli PP" 'hat all the statesmen in 

Sacramento Such an impn b- 

sion would be aiost incorrect Then 
legislators who have an unspe 
such pastime Of thi i Senator Barney 

Murphy, of Santa Clara, who devotes all th- 
ttion tu pra 
the conversion of his colleagues. 




/ 



This tngraving uf the pious Senator exhibits him 
in the intense fervor of a benediction on the hotel 
cook, who had tried his Christian fortitude by 
throwing a fistful of salt into a pot of Sacramento 
water and palming it off as pea soup. The pray- 
erful disposition of Senator Murphy is all the 
more commendable as he is a native of San Jose, 
and has several times been thrust by his admiring 
townsmen into prominent political positions. Let 
us hope that in the ecstacy of his invocation the 
pious statesman may not forget to mingle with his 
petitions for the depraved soup-maker an earnest 
prayer to be saved from the fate of Jim Budd, and 
not be railroaded into Congress. Senator Ryan is 
another distinguished statesman, 




To whom the spectacle of Mr. Farrelly bestriding 
a dog-pit is not irresistible. The Senator devotes 
his leisure moments to the practice of the manly 
art. It may be well to state, however, that he is 
not the Ryan who fought Sullivan, the Boston 
slogger. The Senator is a person of entirely dif- 
ferent tastes, being exceedingly active, powerful 
and courageous. He stands fully three feet six 
inches in his shoes, and on ordinary occasions 
weighs forty pounds. When the wind blows strong 
from the northwest the Senator dispenses with a 
carriage, and fluttering out of his hotel allows him- 
self to be blown up to the capitol. During the 
recent gales he imprudently followed his usual cus- 
tom, and becoming entangled by his back hair in 
the flagstaff of the capitol he was mistaken for a 
bluejay and shot at several times by an urchin with 
a parlor rifle. The Senator is a native of Goat 
Island, and in his youth developed his splendid 
oratorical powers after the fashion of Demosthe- 
nes, by wandering along the pebbly strands of his 
beautiful home and exchanging the gossip of the 
day with the passing ferryboats. It was this am- 
bitious exercise of lung that suggested to the Fed- 
eral Government the establishment of a fog-horn 
station on the sland, so the Senator holds his posi- 



tion on tin- Commil 

tion bj virtue of distinguished mer- 

cantile marine. Thi 

..' himself to posterity in the toga of a 
■i of the olden time, he borrowed a table- 
cloth hum the Gold sed be- 

i , niis- 
called a photographer. The following fiendish 
production 




Shows the terrible nature of the atrocity com- 
mitted against him. The Senate is thinking of in- 
vestigating the outrage, and passing a bill limiting 
the privileges of photographers and making a care- 
less use of the camera a felony, punishable by im- 
prisonment for life. Herewith I append a beauti- 
ful photograph of the distinguished Democrat who 
is expected to receive the appointment of Harbor 
Commissioner. It is generally believed here that 
his speech against the railroad bill the other day, 
when Stoneman was listening, was a "cap" that 
John Wise and all the other Ave hundred and 
eighty candidates cannot beat. I understand that 
one of the other candidates has- procured the origi- 
nal hickory which dusted the Gubernatorial panta- 
loons and is having it mounted with gold. But 
even this ingenious device for winning the Guber- 
natorial favor will not win against the anti-rail- 
road organ of the Democratic ex-Governor. 




The broom in his ex-Excellency's hands is not 
the besom with which he intended to sweep the 
dominant corporation off the face of the State, or 
knock the railroad attorney who tackled him out 
of time. The modest emblem of industrious clean- 
liness is the emblem of reform which the ex-Gov- 
ernor is expected to carry into the Board of Har- 
bor Commissioners. His attitude is that in which 
the hopeful eye of the good Democracy already sees 
him as he sweeps the pets of Pinafore Perkins on to 
the cold charity of the sidewalk and into the cheer- 
less hospitality of the Alms-House, 

Percivai Gilhooly 



THE WASP 




PUBLISHED EVERT SATIT.DAY. AT 510 AND 542 CALI- 
FORNIA ST., EELOW KEAESY, BY 

E. C. MACTARLANE & CO., 

Proprietors and Publishers. 

TEEMS TO SUBSCEIBEKS : 

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The country trade supplied by the San Francisco News 
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All Postmasters are authorized to take subscriptions 
t »r the Wa»p, payable invariably in advance. 

The following agents are authorized to receive subscrip- 
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D. G. Waldeojn, General Traveling Agent. 

Ho quesiionafcU advertisement inserted in thiz journal* 



SATURDAY, - - FEBRUARY 10, 1883. 

It is difficult to imagine a more offensive specta- 
cle than ooe of Mr. Creed Haymond's pleas in be- 
half of the Piailroad before a Legislative Commit- 
tee, a Railroad Commission, or any other body. 
The man acts like an inspired windmill and talks 
like a divine idiot. The other day this pretty gen- 
tleman uttered his mind upon the I>el Valle resolu- 
tion asking Congress not to pass the bill authoriz- 
ing the consolidation of the railway companies 
whose lines extend between New Orleans and San 
Francisco. Some allowance must be made for Mr. 
Haymond's frame of mind : he was badgered a 
good deal by ex-Governor Irwin and Representa- 
tive-elect Eudd, But this allowance being made, 
it remains true that Mr. Haymond made a holy 
show of himself. That he carried with him 
the Senate Committee — before whom bis harangue 
was executed — is nothing ; the members of the 
Committee had been selected with a view to their 
special fitness for being carried with Mr. Hay- 
mond- If anybody has ever before exuded such 
idiotic drivel as this fellow's gabble about our State 
("surrounded by bands of iron owned by Eastern 
corporations") struggling against the corporate 
power of the Atlantic Coast and finding no safety 
but in another transcontinental route owned by 
Californiaus. it has not been our unspeakable priv- 
ilege to hear of it. Mr. Haymond is himself his 
only peer; none but he could have transcended 
the immeasurable folly of such talk, and he only 
by an impassioned outburst of eulogium on those 
noble patriots. Stanford, Crocker and Huntington, 
who, without a cent of their own money, built a 
railroad as a war measure after the war was over, 
by mortgaging their land grant ; their other subsi- 
dies being shoved down into their pockets as divi- 
dends. High old patriots; these !— just the sort of 
chaps to save us from the Eastern monopolist — by 
taking a hack at our pockets themselves. For 
their scheming and plundering we could forgive 



them. Their obvious corruption of the Senate 
Committee we can forget. But for the sin of af- 
flicting us with the audible " slobber " of that au- 
tomatic tongue, Creed Haymond, there is pardon 
in neither this world nor the next. 



Frank Pixley is at his old discreditable trick of 
accentuating himself by inciting religious and race 
animosities. This businesB is the more unworthy 
because Pixley is a man of brains, who, if he would 
form convictions and take the trouble to be true to 
them, could make himself a power, and earn in 
any one year more fame by the conscientious ex- 
pression of liberal viewB than he ever has won, or 
ever can win, by the method which he has the bad 
luck to prefer. That he is an uneducated man is 
his own fault. Like similar men everywhere, he 
tries to make it his glory by disparaging every kind 
of learning that he does not himself possess. But 
he was born with an uncommonly alert mind and 
has acquired a felicity of expression which in a 
man of his meager attainments is one of the 
rarest things in nature. But the man's devouring 
vanity will not permit him the leisure to be right. 
He cannot afford the delay of thinking. His rest- 
less egotism is forever flinging its eyes about it to 
discern some short cut to notoriety. Observation 
has shown him that races have no skins — touch 
them and they jump. So he reaches out his clumsy 
hand, laying his not over-clean finger on the super- 
sensitive peripheries of the German, the Irishman 
and the Jew. and straightway he haB them all danc- 
ing and howling his name. That gratifies him but 
does not satisfy. It is the nature of this kind of 
childish ambition that its thirst is never slaked ; 
when it has drunk dry every small spring of noto- 
riety within reach of its fever, it suffers insuffera- 
ble pangs of thirBt because it cannot lave its hot 
mouth in the inexhaustible fountains of fame. 
Let not the Jews whom Pixley is now malign- 
ing take the matter too seriously. It is not worth 
their while to reason with a man who writes from 
his feelings and can feel any way he wishes to feel; 
but they have their revenge in the assurance that 
their traducer would rather be the least among 
their famous men than to be what he is. There 
is this advantage in being assailed by Pixley : that 
which he affirms, if it were ever so true before, 
becomes false by the mere force of his assertion ; 
and such is the peculiarly instructive character of 
his journal that the man who is indiscreet enough 
to read in it some truth that he has known aU hie 
life, lives ever thereafter in darkest ignorance of 
that once familiar fact. 



The existence of such men as Pixley is not 
without its advantage. They have noses deli- 
cately endow r ed ; they know what is in the wind. 
Like the witches in "Macbeth," they can tell by 
the pricking of their thumbs that something evil 
their way comes ; and the rest of us are apprised 
of its approach by seeing them going out to give 
it welcome. Whenever there is an "impending 
conflict" the Pixley "s sensitive nostril smelleth the 
battle afar off. There is notoriety going, and it 
will accrue to the early worker in the wrong. So 
one can always confidently calculate on seeing a 
Pixley in the forefront of every battle that is purely 
intellectual, delivering mighty words and shoulder- 
ing the whole cause of the deviL We should 
hardly have known out here on the verge of the 
American continent how our Christian souls were 
warmed by the unholy tires recently kindled in 
Russia if this man of problematic race but indu- 
bitable irreligion had not begun to sweat, and 
labor in the aides like a lizard, and disburse a mul- 
titude of evil smells. He is a kind of moral 
thermometer : when the mercury rises in the nar- 



,, 



row tube of his understanding be sure thai 
in the invisible public bulb is not altogether 
fected. It is true that such natures record hi; 
backward and barbarous tendencies. Revt in, 
the famous legend of the sun-dial, Born 
Hi': ro nisi Berenas, they mark only the hours ha' 
are shadowed with malevolent remiDiscenC' 
the dark ages. As disease is contagiouB 
health is not, so with them a wicked influen 
powerful to impress, while a good one " reel 
heededly away." They are nature's awful e 
pies, and useful after the unpleasant mann 
their kind. Without a Pixley to embody 1 
all in his own person we should have been a | hi 
ously long time learning of the unlovely race ej 
udices and religious animosities that are newl; le 
tiling our civilization. This irreligious bigot tt 
racial nondescript is a conspicuous and alari De 
symptom of the fatty degeneration of the C I 
tian- American heart. 



The various departments of our municipal lr- 
ernment have now a common aim — to get mo f 
That is the oDe problem to which local statesL n- 
ship is now addressing itself. By the laws ui ft 
which we live the city can contract no debt in i- 
cess of its monthly income. Our authorities re 
required by the most stringent prohibitions It 
can be worked into words not to exceed this al. r- 
ance, and it is declared that all demands in ex JB 
of it are invalid. Behold the value of law in "]B 
ular government " ! The city is bankrupt. le 
water company and the gas company opi I 
threaten us with fire and darkness because ti u 
bills are unpaid. Work which the law commaij, 
the law forbids us to pay for. In short, we hit 
been stolen poor, and now the brakes of bankrupt 
are so cinching the " wheels of government " tlf 
the train can move neither forward or back. The 
is one way out of the dilemma : to borrow a h - 
million dollars for the new set of thieves to ste . 
But this cannot be done without the consent! 
the people, given at a popular election — and th I 
is no money to pay the expense of an electi . 
With but an indifferent regard for the needs! 
their successors, the old lot of officials not o: ' 
picked the public pocket clean, but sewed it 1 j 
All this is the natural and logical outcome of stt 
government in an American city where the balai I 
of power is hrmly held by the most ignorant, selni 
disreputable and unpatriotic elements in the co ■ 
munity ; where every habitual misdemeanant 1 1 
a vote ; where the classes whose sordid intere '< 
are best served by misgovernment are most actii 
and successful in obtaining and transmitti I 
power; where the first man you meet is a rog 
and the second a fool. There are two remedies | 
endurance and emigration. 



The bill of Senator Lynch, appropriating §2( 
000 dollars to pay ex-Senators Sears and Dickinsi 
and ex- Judge Waymire for legal services in havii 
the infamous Drainage Act declared unconstit , 
tional, ought to pass both houses of the Legisl i 
ture without a dissenting vote. These three gel : 
tlemen took up the matter at their owninstanij 
and fought the Act in the courts until they ti'> 
umphed over not only its avowed supporters an ' 
the paid attorneys of those interested in maintaii i 
ing it, but over the unconcealed hostility of tl | 
Attorney-General himself. They saved the Stai j 
several millions of dollars and it is but simple jui 
tice that they be partly compensated for their ej 
penditure of time, labor and money. Mr. Lynch , 
estimate of the sum to be awarded them is an ej 
ceedingly moderate one, evidently based, not upo. | 
the magnitude of their service to the State, bu 
up»on his own very low — and therefore correct- , 
conception of the public's gratitude. 



THE WASP. 



OUR BULL BUTTER BARDS, 



The Malefactor's Dream. 



Scene: A room in the Tower. 

ter Wilson, 1'ukt- nf ( 'Ian m rand I. mi i I Marquis of Hull 
* Butter, accompanied by Abominable Merchandise, his 
foreman i 
M. Win looks your grace so heavily to-day ? 

.ke.— Oh, I have passed a miserable night, 

So full of fearful dreams and ugly sights, 
That as I am a rancid-tallow rogue, 
I would not spend another such a light, 
Though 'twere to buy a world of happy clays, 
( >r through the Legislature pass a bill 
Declaring dairy butter damnable ! 

M. -What was your dream, my lord? I pray you 
tell me. 

ke. -Methought that I was bidden to a feast 
Among the gilded snobs, and on their board 
Was nought besides the product of our mill 
In villainous profusion— every dish 
And golden platter tilled unto the brim 
With reeking oleomargarine ; and I 
Perforce did eat thereof. Straightway I died ! 
Ob, Lord! Methought what frightful pain was 

mine, 
To perish by mine own vile merchandise ! 
What dreadful, deafening odors filled my nose ! 
What sights of ugly death within mine eyes ! 
Methought I saw a factory like mine, 
In which a thousand dreadful vats were fvdl 
Of even viler garbage ; bubbling up 
In steaming, hissing, hideous filthiness ! 
What horrid, reeking, putrid things were there, 
I need not tell thee, good and worthy friend 
Who see'st them every day. It fairly seemed 
As if the slimy bottom of the deep 
Had ransacked been, and all its fearful stores 
* 'umbined with the Potreros fragrant pens 
And Chinatown's vile sweepings, now were poured 
Into those seething cauldrons ! Bloated toads, 
And creeping things, with glazed and lifeless eyes 
Came to the top to mock and leer at me ! 

. M.— Awaked you not with this sore agony ? 

uke.— Oh, no ; my dream was lengthened after life, 
And then began the tempest to my soul ; 
For now methought the King of Darkness came 
And spake unto his thousand gibbering fiends, 
Who seized and plunged me, shrieking with af- 
fright, 
Into each ghastly cauldron, one by oi.e, 
The first that did receive my stranger soul 
Was our great staple, axle grease and offal ! 
Then cried a voice, " Bull Butter Wilson comes ! 
Stockjobbing, perjured Wilson ! Smear his soul 
With oleaginous infernal stuff, 
Then place our whole Bull dairy in his charge ! " 
With that, methought, a'legion of foul fiends 
Environed me, and howled into mine ears 
Such hideous cries that with the very noise 
I trembling waked, and for a season after 
Could not believe but that I was in hell — 
Such terrible impression made my dream ! 
(Exeunt.) 

— Bysshe. 



An Object Lessom 
What is that, mother ? 

A Dairy, my child ; 
With grime and with grease it is all defiled. 
Its front elevation as black as a boot ! 
Its windows are murky with cobwebs and soot. 
See how the smoke from its tall chimney swells, 
Smell how the wind that sweeps over it smells ! 

What is that, mother ? 

That's Clover, my dear ; 
It's fed to the cows every month in the year. 
They're hauling it in from the "meadows" to-day — 
For slaughter-house, butcher-shop kitchen, they say, 
Are called so out here by these dairymen. See : 
The Clover-leaves dripping with fat ! ■ can it be 
That the axle-grease sweats from the carts ? And behold 
How the blossoms are yellow as jaundice or gold 
With decay !— how the blow-flies are taking great pains 
In blowing that Clover's lamented remains ! 
It is horse, it is hog, it is dog, it is cat, 
It is anything greasy and anything fat, 



But the Cow Bade it toothsome and meet, I'll allow : 
My child let us enter rilshowy. 

What is that, mother? 

!'!■■■ i low, ma pctiU 
Bolted and screwed to the Ho.»r by bi i 
Her skeleton's iron, hei teeth in il cine, 

Her udder's a spout that i^ over a sink. 

See how she munches the i Hover they dump 

In her hopper-her mouth, 1 should Bay. Hear the 

thump 
Of her entrails that crush it like stamp-, of a mill, 
And stir it and mix it with something like swill. 
It runs from the udder and tills up the vat 
It is milk though you'd swear it was borsate-of cat 
That's cream that arises on top and e ccela 
Intangible, audible, visible mm, 11-. 

What is that mother ? 

That's I'.iittei , my sweel ; 
Boiled from the cream in the vat at your feet. 
Observe its gold glory and beautiful hue. 
Bright as the sunshine that breaks from the blue. 
Notice its fragrance— it blesses the nose 
Like heliotrope or the attar-of-rose. 
Ah ! how delightful it is to the touch ! 
Silk-sided, velvety- hearted and such. 
Feel it and smell it and look at it well 
Tis charming to touch and to handle and smell, 
For 

What is that, mother ? 

A Dead Man, my love, 
He tasted that Butter. (Jod called him above. 



to Ai>vi:itiisi:its. 



No more advertisements for the Wast can be taken 
at present on any terms. On the erpvration of those 
already in the paper, preference will necessarily be 
given to renewals. Persons favoring us with a notice 
of their wish to advertise will be apprised of vacancies 
as they occur. 



TINTYPERY, 



Did any one ever notice a couple of girls bent on 
the wild dissipation of tintypes ? They premedi- 
tatedly plan the vile enormity, rendezvous at the 
gallery and after irritating the unhappy man of 
chemicals into a state bordering on frenzy they 
conclude to be taken in a group instead of sepa- 
rately. Then they get into the ill-smelling little 
dressing-room and giggle, pose, brush and plaster 
until the poor, patient, consumptive looking artist 
prays for death to relieve him. At last they get 
ready, twine their arms round each other in an 
attitude of juvenile innocence and simplicity, put 
their heads together as if each wanted to hear what 
the other was thinking about, assume expressions 
indicative of angelic pity and tenderness (strong 
dissent from the artist) and the deed is done. 
Then they carry home some dozens of the villain- 
ous little daubs and distribute them among their 
friends, assuring each unfortunate recipient that 
"'tis an excellent likeness of dear Jessie" (or 
whatever the other girl's name is) " but not at all 
like me." Dear creatures — girls ! 



O, Dorney, Dorney, Dorney, Dorney, P. S. Dor- 
ney, why do you " Ho ! Ho ! " and aver that you 
are " Death, immortal Death " f For you're not, 
you know ; you are only an ignorant and conceited 
jackass who writes abominable bosh for the Sacra- 
mento Bee. Look at you, Dorney— take notice 
what a disagreeable cuss you are ! Do you sup- 
pose that Death— the real, Simon-pure and only 
genuine, sure-enough Death would, should or 
could write such a stanza as this 'ere ? 

In winter's icy nostrils hoar 

I belch, dark, dumb and grim ; 
And Summer's sheen, and sea, and shore 
Submissive kneel to me— and more — 
They shudder and say : " 'Tis him ! " 

Do you expect us to believe that death doesn't 
know anything more about English grammar than 
to do the like o' that? " 'Tis Him," indeed. 
And you go on and end three more stanzas in the 
same way. Dorney, we are disappointed in you. 
You haven't turned out well at all. We fear we 
shall have to put you alongside of Frank Pixley 



and Jamee McClatchy in the very fr.ua rank o 
blld I*>'" believe 

us. \,. i ,. a \ i 



If something cannol be done to breathe a soul 
under the libs ol the Lift i i on (his 

enly, unhandsoi tone oughl I 

well shotted and bin ied I Phot if not, we 

believe, a record anywhere ■ ifi bi ing saved by 
it. When tb" Escaml i upeel within gun-shot of 
ahte-boal station there was not a anal anywhere 
about. The other day i In ■ i ,,■ ashore 

ami beat hersell to pii cea n itl > - s, i miles of 

another Btation, the keej t which would not 

permit his boat to be launched although a volun- 
teer crow bad c.nir I an it and a tug to tow it 

to the wreck. By this Kind ol cowardly noi 
ten lives were lest. They might have been lost 
anyhow, and those of the boat? crew in addition, 
but a beeper with any kind of manliness and 
spirit would have taken the chances and " made a 
try for it.' It is now time for this manner "f 
thing to be in. ] >ss of reformation ; if the ser- 
vice connot bo made effective on account of the 
ocean's wetness, it would be better to move the 
stations a few nubs inland and drill the hardy life- 
boat man and his gallant, gallant crew in such sim- 
ple and safe evolutions as Boating their machine 
upon the placid bosom of the morning dew, for the 
succor of the imperiled gopher. 



The only man in the State Senate Committee on 
Federal Relations who Bti oil up for the interests of 
the people against the Railroad is Mr. Baldwin, 
He made a minority report advocating the adop- 
tion of the Del Yalle resolution urging Congress to 
defeat the "consolidation" iniquity. The other 
members of the Committee -may their God forget 
them ! — recommended the Kelly substitute. 



The Assembly has passed Mr. Barry's " Act in 
Relation to Railroads." This is the best wotfc 
done in that House during the present session. 
We shall publish the full text of this bill next 
week, in order that if the Senate shall dare to kill 
it our readers may be able intelligently to conject- 
ure the motive that prompted the murder. 



It looks as if the anti-oleomargarine crusade at 
Sacramento were going to succeed. Roth Mr. 
English's bill in the Senate and Mr. Hollister's in 
the Assembly are drawn in accordance with sug- 
gestions submitted in the columns of this paper. 
Both require that in restaurants, hotels and board- 
ing-houses where oleomargarine is used notice of 
that fact shall be conspicuously displayed. Mr. 
Wilson, will you please pass the butter I 



Announcement is made of the appointment on 
Governor Stonemau's staff of five colonels and 
eight lieutenant-cobmels. These inferior digni- 
taries are all aides-de-camp. As these gentlemen 
will have to perform the perilous duty of convey- 
ing the Commander-in-Chief's orders on the bat- 
tle-field we think they should all have been made 
major-generals, in order that the superior bril- 
liancy of their uniforms might paralyze the enemy. 



Down on business, T suppose," said Jex, meet- 
ing an old friend from Jackass Gap. (i The worst 
you ever saw," was the countryman's energetic re- 
ply. "Wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole. 
Lay your life I'm down on it ! ' 



' Im not a Jew ! " shrieks Pixley, wrung 
By taunts of friends and foes. 
What ! man, shall we believe your tongue 
And disbelieve your nose ? 



If a minister of the Gospel is honest, devoted and sin- 
cere, the Wasp calls him a hypocrite. If he is shrewd, 
worldly and has an eye to business, he is a fraud. — Unap- 
preciativc Exchange. 

You don't do us justice. It is true, we call the 
latter a fraud, but that is not intended to preju- 
dice his claim to hypocrisy. 



Physicians commit a great mistake when they deal with 
the bodies of their patients only.— Dr. Benry Gibbons, Sr. 

Why, ya-as : they'd save more lives by giving 
less medicine and more tally. But they would lose 
a great many diseases. 



THE WASP 



MIKE'S ANCESTORS, 



Chancing to pass the news-shop at the north- 
east corner of Bush and Kearney one day last 
week, we were astonished to see its office windows 
studded with a number of gay, confectionery-col- 
ored frames, which upon closer observation proved 
to be stained-glass panels. Those spectacle- 
rimmed imitations of mediaeval art represented 
an odd lot of people who are alleged to have been 
connected with printing. In doubt whether that 
was really an exhibition of pinchbeck sestheticism or 
the framed instruments of juvenile astronomers, 
who, not caring to observe another transit of Ve- 
nus, had thus pooled their stock, we resolved to 
interview Mr. de "Young, the proprietor and man- 
ager of that exhibition. Aware of his diffidence 
to be interviewed outside of Chicago, and intent 
to make him tell the truth, we contrived to place 
himin a mesmeric trance, and elicited thefollowing: 
" Mike " — he loves to be called Mike — " that 
stain-glass business is a little ahead of anything in 
this town ; what gave you the idea ? " 

" Well, you know, stained glass is an excellent 
device to hide corresponding reputations, so I got 
quite a lot of it. I bought a little more than I 
could use in my new glucose mansion. What 
could have been the design of a kind Providence 
in permitting that I thus overstock myself unless 
it were to destine the surplus panels to secure the 
privacy of my down-town shop 1 " Henceforth all 
our business will be strictly confidential and pri- 
vrte, except our family tree." 

" Family tree ! What do you mean ? " 
"Ah, yes, to be sure, I have not explained. You 
see, when I was in Europe I found out that every- 
body who was anybody had ancestors. I went to 
a good deal of trouble to find some of mine, but it 
was no use ; so, when I was told that according to 
the theory of metempsychosis I must have sprung 
from a race of printers, I immediately gave orders 
for panels containing pictures of those who are 
best known. And thus reverently I erected those 
memorial-tablets to let the public beware that I 
have been in Europe, and to prove to them that I 
know the correct thing about ancestry. I can 
confidently lay my hand upon my heart and upon 
the page of the encyclopedia which gave me the 
information which I thus offer gratis, free to all. 
There is, first of all, old Petrarch, the poet laure- 
ate and friend of Geistinger — no, I mean Boc- 
caccio, who went to the bad for a girl called 
Laura. He was my first ancestor. No. 2 is poor 
old Koster, or Coster, now of Koster & Biale, of 
New York beer-garden fame. I don't think much 
of him, but he went with the lot. No. 3 is Jo- 
hannes Gutenberg, who stole the invention of mov- 
able type-printing from old Coster, and who lived 
and died a liar ; another of my ancestors. My 
fourth ancestor was Eaust, who went to the devil 
in five tragedies, and three operas of five acts each. 
No. 5 is William Caxton, the most expensive of 
my ancestors, for I was obliged to buy some re- 
prints of his earlier works at a frightful price, but 
it is the correct thing to have them in the house. 
My sixth ancestor is Jean Antoine Nicolas de Con- 
docet, whom I took in because he is a Frenchman, 
and that accounts for the prefix to my family 
name." 

" The prefix 1" 

" Yes, De in De Young, you must know, that 
generally intimates noble lineage, a title and that 
sort of thing. Of course in this country that is 
not much of an advantage, but in Europe ! — in 
Europe it made quite a stir. In New York I saw 
a whole square and several columns, I mean stat- 
ues, dedicated to one Ben Franklin, a printer-man ; 
so I selected him as Ancestor No. 7. I am sorry 
that he was not born abroad ; he is entirely too 
well known here for one of my ancestors. " 
"But you have nine panels with portraits ? " 
[Here Mike actually blushed in spite of the 
trance.] 

"One is 'Let there be light and there was 
light,' Charles, and the other is myself. Particu- 
larly myself ; for I am much my own ancestor. I 
am a self-made manor — I am nothing." 

" Are you going to write up your family his- 
tory ? " 

" Write ? I never write a line. I want to sell 
my paper. But as soon as the Pop party have left, 
I shall give orders to have it done. I went to the 
He-raid office in New York to get a new coat-of- 
arms for the panels of my coach. They know me 
there ; they gave me for the field, a five-cent 
nickel ; dexter, a leech ; sinister, a bullet ; heart, 



a coal-black crow ; surmounted by a crown which 
looked so much like a three-tined pitchfork bearing 
three golden balls that I did not adopt it. " 

Just then De Young awoke from the trance, and 
since there was no more truth to be had from him 
we left. 



TWO KINDS OF PROJECTORS. 

The announcement of the successful completion 
of the Marine Railway at Honolulu suggests a com- 
parison between its projector and his methods and 
some of our railway projectors and their methods. 
Mr. S. G. Wilder conceived this project and car- 
ried it through unaided by private donations or 
Government subventions. In the same way he has 
worked out all his schemes, supplementing his own 
capital when necessary by loans contracted on his 
own responsibility, frequently at heavy rates of 
interest ; and without repudiating in any single in- 
stance an obligation to his creditors or corrupting 
a legislative body. Mr. Wilder is the pioneer and 
controlling spirit in nearly all the important com- 
mercial enterprises of the Islands, outside the sugar 
business, Having just finished the first railroad 
ever built there, he is now engaged in building 
another to skirt the island of Hawaii and still 
another in the island of Oahu. He is the promoter 
and creator of the steam commercial service among 
the various islands, which now controls the car- 
rying trade of the entire group, employing no 
fewer than nine or ten steamers conjointly with a 
large fleet of schooners. He has now in this city 
plans and specifications for a 1900-ton steamer 
specially adapted to freight and passenger service. 

It is to the existence of such men as Mr, Wilder, 
more than to any kind of "favorable conditions " 
or "geographical position," that nations are in- 
debted for their commercial prosperity. The most 
" favorable condition " that a nation can have is a 
Wilder ; and if our selfish and corrupt Stanfords 
and Crockers could have been replaced twenty 
years ago by men of his quality California would 
have been a long stride in advance of where she 
now is. The vaunted "genius" and "great ex- 
ecutive ability " that are manifested respectively 
in persuading bondholders to bear the cost of build- 
ing railways and compelling the Government to de- 
fray the expense of operating them, while the 
"genius" and "ability" pocket the profits, are 
somewhat cheap and common qualities. If a Stan- 
ford do not " get in ahead " and display them for 
our astonishment and admiration, some one of ten 
thousand others will slide up to perforin that ser- 
vice for us and paralyze our understandings with 
equal success. We decidedly prefer the kind of 
enterprise exhibited by Mr. Wilder. 



The Supreme Court has ordered a writ of man- 
date to issue compelling the Election Commission- 
ers to prepare for a charter election. The circum- 
stance that there is no money to defray the expense 
is one with which the Supreme Court has nothing 
to do. In what sense is it supreme if it is not su- 
perior to circumstances ? 

" I have here," said a French Prefect, "a duly 
attested medical certificate that the man is dead. 
The law requires that the dead be buried within 
forty-eight hours. I must beg you to see that the 
law is observed without further protestation. " 

" But, Monsieur le Prefect, I offer you a certifi- 
cate that the man has been resuscitated. Under 
the circumstances " 

" Observe if you please, that I have nothing to 
do with circumstances, and the law does not pro- 
vide for certificates of resuscitation. Let the man 
be buried forthwith." 



Doctor Coggswell has come again to the surface 
as a donor of fountains. This time the city of 
San Jose is the fortunate recipient of the Doctor's 
benevolence. The motives of the amiable lunatic 
are no doubt very worthy, but in a community 
like San Jose, where water-drinking is almost a 
forgotten custom, we cannot understand how his 
gift will be appreciated. And then the Doctor's 
fountains are never kept in order, So far as their 
utility goes they might, as well be graven images 
to the glory of Coggswell. If they were dry, solid 
columns of granite they might not be more hollow 
mockeries of refreshment. 



Why has the Chronicle any readers ? Because 
many people are prudent enough to keep an eye 
upon their enemies. 



New Life 

is given by using Brown's 
Iron Bitters. In the 
Winter it strengthens and 
warms the system; in the 
Spring it enriches the blood 
and conquers disease ; in the 
Summer it gives tone to the 
nerves and digestive organs ; 
in the Fall it enables the 
system to stand the shock 
of sudden changes. 

In no way can disease be 
so. surely prevented as by 
keeping the system in per- 
fect condition. Brown's 
Iron Bitters ensures per- 
fect health through the 
changing seasons, it disarms 
the danger from impure 
water and miasmatic air, 
and it prevents Consump- 
tion, Kidney and Liver Dis- 
ease, &c. 

H. S. Berlin, Esq., of the 
well-known firm of H. S. 
Berlin & Co., Attorneys, Le 
Droit Building, Washing- 
ton, D. C, writes, Dec. 5th, 
1881: 

Gentlemen: I take pleas- 
ure in stating that I have used 
Brown's Iron Bitters for ma- 
laria and nervous troubles, 
caused by overwork, with 
excellent results. 

Beware of imitations. 
Ask for Brown's Iron Bit- 
ters, and insist on having 
it. Don't be imposed on 
with something recom- 
mended as "Just as good." 
The genuine is made only 
by the Brown Chemical Co. 
Baltimore, Md. 



KIDNEY-WORT 



HAS BEEN PROVED 

The SUREST CURE for 

KIDNEY DISEASES. 

Does a lame back or disordered urine indi- 
cate that you are a -victim? THEN DO NOT 
HESITATE; use Kidney-Wort at once, (drug- 
gists recommend it) and it will speedily over- 
come the disease and restore healthy action. 
B o jt8 j &C ■ For complaints peculiar 
laCllllvOi to your sex, such, as pain 
and weaknesses, Kidney-Wort is unsurpassed, 
as it will act promptly and safely. 

EitherSex. Incontinence, retention ofurine, 
brick dust or ropy deposits, and dull dragging 
pains, all speedily yield to its curative power. 
43- SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS. Price SI. 



KIDMEY-AVORT 




GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, 

Ig a certain euro for KI5BVOUS DEBILITY, 

LOST MANHOOD, and ait tbo evil effects o( 
youthful frillies and excises. 

DR. DJISTIK. who is a regular phy>u-:ian, 
graduate of the 1'uiverjtt.y 01 Pennsylvania, 
will agree to forTcit Five Hundred Dollars for 
acftseoftho kiud the VITAL KESTOttATIVB 
{ under his special advice and treatment) will 
not cure. Price, $3 a bottle; four times th« 
qunutity, S10. Sent to any addresa, conn< 
deNtta1.lv, by A. B. MINTXE. M. D-, No. il 
Kearny Street, S. F. Send for pBraphlet. 

SAJ1PLE B(»TTI,E FREE will be sent to 
anr one applying by letter, Mating symptoms, 
sex and ace. Strict secrw in dl transaction!- 



THE WASP. 



PACIFIC COAST STEAMSHIP CO. 

Steamer of this Company will sail from Broadway 
Wharf, San Francisco, for ports in California, Ore- 
gon, Washing-ton and Idaho Territories, British 
Columbia and Alaska, as follows : 
California Southern «'ousl lEoute.- The Steainore ORI- 
ZABA and ANCON sail every five days at 9 A. m. for San Luis 
Obispo, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles and San Diego, as follows* 
ORIZABA, 10th, 20th and 30th of each month. ANCON. flth. I5th 
and 26th of each month. The Steamer LOS ANC.KLEN Hails ever} 
Wednesday at 8 a. m. for Santa Cruz, Monterey, San Simeon, Cay- 
ucos, Gaviota, Santa Barbara and San Buenaventura. 

lli.rish i •iliuuhja ninl Alaska Itoule. — Steamship 
BOBEKA, earthing U. S. Mails, sails from Portland. Oregon 
on or about the 1st of caeh month, for Port Townsend, \V. T.. Wc- 
toria, and Nanaiino, B. C, Fort Wr&ngol, Sitka and Ratrrisburg, 
Alaska, connecting; at Port Townsend with Victoria and Puget 
Sound Steamer leaving San Francisco the SOth of each month. 

Victoria and V n:«i Sound Boute.— The StcamersGEO. W. 
ELDER and DAKOTA, carrying Her BrittanicMajesty'eand I nited 
States mails, sail from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 2 p. M. 
on the 10th, 20th, and 30th of each month, for Victoria, B. C, Port 
Townsend, Seattle, Tacoma, Steilacoom and Olympia, making close 
connection with stvam boats, etc., for Skagit River and Cassiar 
Mines, Nanaimo, New Westminster, Vale, Sitka and all other im- 
portant points. Returning, leave Seattle and Port Townsend at 1 
p. m. on the 9th, 19th and 29th of each month, and Victoria (Esqui- 
mault) at 11 A. it. on the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month. 
[Note— When Sunday falls on the 10th, 20th or 30th, steamers sail 
from San Francisco one day earlier, and from Sound ports and Vic- 
toria one day later than stated above.) The Steamer VICTORIA 
sails for New Westminster and Nanaimo about every two weeks, as 
per advertisements in the San Francisco Alta or Guidk. 

Portland, Oregon, Itonte.— The Oregon Railway and Navi- 
gation Company and the Pacific Coast Steamship Company dis- 
patch from Spear Street Wharf one of the steamships QUEEN OF 
THE PACIFIC, STATE OF CALIFORNIA, OREGON or COLUM- 
BIA, carrying the United States Mail and Wells, Fargo & Co. 'a 
Express, every* Wednesday and Saturday at 10 a. m. for Portland 
and Astoria, Oregon. 

Eureka and llninnoldt Bay Route.— Steamer CITY OF 
CHESTER sails from San Francisco for Eureka, Areata, Hookton 
(Humbolt Bay) every Wednesday at 9 a. m. 

Point Arena and Mendocino Route.— Steamer CON- 
STANTINE sails from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 3 p. M. 
every Monday for Point Arenas, Cuffey's Cove, Little River and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket Office, 214 Montgomery Street. 

(Opposite the Russ House) 

GOODALL, PERKINS &. CO., General Agents 

No. 10 Market Street, San Francisco. 



SOUTH PACIFIC^ COAST R. R. 

Oakland, Ala da, Newark, snu jo»e, Los Galaa, 

Gleawood, Fellon mid .Nniun < ras. 

piCTURESQUK SCENERY, MOUNTAIN V1KWS. BIG TREES: 
a.x™!'*S. C '" ra Vall '->. Montun-y Itiv. Fnrt\ i.iik-. iliurur to 

hax« u buz than any other route. Wo change of cars: no duat. 

''•'I'"! "' ;i'i'l r"i'l l. .1 ii, .i .■!,.. !• vssKNtiEKTUAINS leave 

station, foot, of M:irk.t itii situ , .t 

8 .Ofl ■>■ 'I-. 'loll. W'i'-t S;m l..,r,.|i/.,', U',,t San 1., umlrO, BtU- 
■ UU wulh, .Mt, Eden, Alvarado, Onus, Newark, Centervllle, 
Howry., Alviao, agnewi, -sum Clara, SAM JOSE l.->- Oatoi, 

Alma, Wrighte, Highland, Glon« I, Doughertys, Fatten, Big Trooi 

and SANTA CRUZ, arrivtae L2M 

2 .Qfl '"• M., Hiiij i:-i mi Eden. Alvarado. Newark, Cen- 
iUU terviUo, Alvlso, Agnew., Santa Clam, SAN JOSE and Lot 

iy. 
ntermedi' 



Gates, rbrougli to SANTA CRUZ every Saturday. 

A'Qn '"• JI - (Sn'Hlays excepted), for SAN JOSF. ami ititt 

liOU ate stations. 



ON 



Siimliiyt), S|M>r|stn 



EXCURSIONS 
Jose "ii Satorda 



Trillli, 1:80 A. M II. turn tmin 
5 r. M., :irriv Lx&A ftt Ban Francisco, 7:35. 
SANTA CRt /- AND »2.50 Ti * SAN 

nl Sundays, tu ri'turu until Mondu\ in- 



TO OAKLAND AND 1 1. I U l.l» \. 

§6:30— 7:30— 8:30—9:30— 10:30-11 ::«> A.M. •■[1*2:30 — 1:30— 2:30— 
3:30— 4:30— 5:30— 6:30— 7:30— 10:00 and 11:80 P. M. 

From I .Mirlf. nlli ami tVrhsfcr slmls, Oakland— §6:57 
— §6:57— J:57— S:6&— 9:62— 10:52— tll;52A. M. 12:52-1:52—2:52 
—3:52— 4:52— 5:62— -6:52 — 10:20 P. M. 

From High street, Alameda— §5:45— §0:45— 7:45— 8:35-9:35 
—10:35—1111:35 A. M. 12:35— 1:35-2:35— 3:35— 4-35— 6:35— 6:35 
—10:05 P. M. 

(jDiuly, Sundays excepted. If Sundays only. 

Stations in Oakland, but two blocks from Broadway, connecting 
with all street car lines, for Piedmont, Temescal, University, Cem- 
eteries, etc. Time as short as by any other route. Try it. 

TICKET, Telegraph and Transfer offices 292 Montgomery street, 

S. F. ; Twelfth and Webster, Oakland ; Park street, Alameda. 

A. H. FRACKER, R, M. GARRATT, 

Oct. 29. Qen'l Supt. G. F. & P. Agt. 



BILLIARDS. 

P. LIESENFELD, Manufacturer. 

Established 1856 

SOLE AGENT FOR THE ONLY GENUINE 

Patent Steel Plate Cushion, 

Guaranteed for Ten Years. 

THE MOST ELEGANT STOCK OF BILLIAKD AND POOL 
TABLES ON THE PACIFIC COAST. 

945 Folsom Street, 

NEAR S I X T H . 

Prices 20 per cent. Lower tlinn any other House on 
the Coast. 

US' SEND FOR A CATALOGUE. "S» 

BILLIAEDSI 

The Cues in every Billiard-room, Club and Private House 
should be furnished with the 

BILLIARD -ROOM NOISE -SUBDUER 

To prevent playerB from making a noise by knocking their 

Cues on the floor. Over 250,000 sold during the past 

two years. Invented and patented by 

JOHN CKEAIIAN.CoHtineiilal Hotel, Philadelphia, 

Sole agent in Penn'a for the Standard American Billiard and Pool 
Tables, manufactured only by H. W. COLLENDER. Wanted, 
agents to sell SUBDUERS in all parts of the United States. Price, 
-Slperdoz. For sale by all Manufacturers and Dealers. 

RUPTURE 

Kelieved and cured without the injury trusses iniiict, by 
Dr. J. A. SHERMAN'S method. Office, 251 Broadway, 
New York. Book, with likenesses of bad capes before and 
-after cured, mailed for 10 cents. 






Citizens' Ins. Co., St. Louis, . Assets, (450,000 
German Ins. Co., Pittsburg, - " 350,000 
Farragnt Fire Ins. Co., N. Y., - " 435,000 
Firemen's Ins. Co., Baltimore, - " 545,000 
Metropolitan Plate Glass InB. 

Co., New York, . .. . " 141,000 
Office— 219 Sansome Street, S. F. 

E. D. FARNSWORTH & SON 



THE SOUTH BRITISH AND NATIONAL. 
W. J. CALLINGHAM & CO., 

No. 213 SANSOME STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, OAL, 

14,799 Sold in 1881. 




Eluiwood. (JleiiwoOd, Hudson and Our Choice. 



I) 



ON'T FAIL TO EXAMINE THE ELMWOOD, GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON and OUR CHOICE before purchasing a Range, as 
they are the latest improved patterns and made from selected 
stock. The smoothest castings. The best bakers. Requires one- 
half the fuel consumed by ordinary Ranges. Three sizes of each 
Range ; twelve different styles. Has Patent Elevated Shelf, auto- 
matic Oven Shelf, patent Cheek Draft, Broiler Door, etc. For sale 
at same prices as common Ranges. Every one Warranted. Ask 
your dealer Jor them. 

W. S. RAY & CO., 12 Market Street. 



, AND NOT WEAR OUT. 
These KEYS are Bold 
by all WATCHMUKEKS and JEWELF.K8 on the PAOIFIO 
0OA8T. By Mall, 25 Cents. 

' BIRCH & CO. 36 Dey street. New York. 



NORTHERN PACIFIC RAILROAD 

AN l» ■ 

Oregon Railway and Navigation Co. 

WITH THEIR im..i B \M' VARIED ROUTBSfOF I'lVF.i; 
Bail TkansporM penetrate all Motions ol the Pacific 

northwest, uid form [n «•**- 

i n Ibe « olnmbla To th< Dalle* Omatttla. Pendleton, Valla 
Vvtuja, Dayton, the Palou* Country, Books River Polnl 



■ 



I p iii«- ivimI d'OrelUe IM-.I-i.mi ToAlnsworth 
Bpruue, Spokane Kails Lake Pend d'Onllle, and .ill points in 

NOrtfal rn Idaho and Uoi ' 

l *• the iraiamette Valley To Oregon City, Snlem, and 

the beautiful oountr) ol smith, rn i u 

l»o« ii ilu- ( ului n Through the most piotureequi ■ ■ 

rj to A-i.-n. ruid Intermediate Pi 

Over iu Pugel Sound To Taooma, Olympla, Seattle, Porl 
Townsend, Victoria and BeUnshara Bag t section unrl 
if- delightful climate and chaiining prospects, 



The Northern Pacific is the New Route 
for Montana. 

llnlly singes connect with trains on Clark's Fork Division, 
direct for MKkouIu and all neighboring points. 

JOHN MUIR, 
Sup't of Trafflo, Portland, Oregon. 
Sim Frandneo office .'n *ii«.iii^(»im.i * si. 



1863. Only Pebble Establishment. 1882 



Fn 
mailed on receipt of 10c. 
New York. 



WHITING, 50 Nassau Street, 



BURR & FINK, 



620 Market Street, 

Opp. Palace Hotel Entrance, 




PEBBLE SPECTACLES! 




MULLER'S optical depot 

135 Montgomery St., near Bush. 

Specialty for 32 years. Established, S. F. , 1863. 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. 
The most complicated cases of defective vision 
thoroughly diagnosed, free of charge. 

Compound Astigmatic Lenses Mounted 
to Order 

»-AT TWO HOURS' NOTICE. ^S 



Deutsche 


Apothcke. 


| MALDONADO PHARMACY, 
36 Geary Street, 
EDWARD NEUMANN, 

PHARMACIST ami CHEMIST. 


Farmnclc 


ItullllllU. 



1ARD COLLECTORS. A handsome set of cards for 3-cent 
/ stamp. A. G. BASSETT, Rochester, N. Y. 



Merchant Tailors. 




OUR FUTURE OOJ 







3TERED BY THIEVES 



10 



THE WASP. 



SACRAMENTO ADVERTISERS. 



AGEICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul- 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. Ji^The most extensive establishment on the 
Pacific Coast. Eastern office, 8S Wall street, New York. 

BHUCE HOUSE, 1018 J STREET, bet. 10th & 11th, 
Sacramento, Cal. P. C. Smith, proprietor. Board 
and Lodging, per week, S5. Board, per week, S4. 
Meals, 25 cents. £5TA11 kinds of cold and hot drinks on 
hand. 

CLAUSS & WERTHEIMS' BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment. Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J street, Sacramento, CaL 

DR. MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
creases the appetite, prevents indigestion, strength- 
ens the system, purines the blood and gives tone to 
the stomach. £& No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K street, Sacramento. 

FOUND AT LAST— AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of Hair to Bald 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color- I warrant this Restorative 
as harmless. ^Prepared and sold by Henry Fuchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. F. Richards & Co. , wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. 

aOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECOM- 
mended by all who use them for their effectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. B§T His California 
Rheumatic Cure has NO equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. 

GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES— W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm Produce; Fruits at wholesale ; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
83T One of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 

GW. CHESLEY, 51 FRONT STREET, SACRA- 
mento, Cal., importer and wholesale liquor dealer, 
• sole agents for the genuine Rock and Eye, Maple 
Rum and the famous Cundurango Bitters. 

HWACHHORST (Signof the Town Clock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
' elry and Silverware. Established since 1850 and 
well known all over the Coast for reasonable prices and 
superior quality of goods, AST Watch repairing a specialty. 
Care given to the selection of Bridal, Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 Jstreet (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, CaL 

LE. HAMMER, 820 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
CaL , agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
■ Organs. A complete stock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on hand. 
S3T Strings a specialty. 

PACIFIC WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS, J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento. 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels, 
Gears, Bodies, etc. B8TA. large stock constantly on hand. 

SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER, IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1850. 422 J street, Sacramento. SZT Clocks, 
Watches and Jewelry repaired with great care. 

STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
S6 to S12 per week. Family Rooms, SI to S2. 50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H. Eldred, proprietor. 

THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street, 
Marysville. C. H. Gilman, proprietor. iJSTThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. The originator of 
the " One Price " — goods being marked in plain figures. 

M. M. LYON (SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS. 



w 

1 ■ Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR "SPERRY'S NEW 
Process Flour " — the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, San Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co. proprietors. 

AVON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
& Southworth, proprietors. 

BURNHAM'S ABIETENE. NO COMPOUND 
but a pure distilation from a peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds, etc. Sold by all druggists. 

CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NOAK, 
agent for the best California Windmills and Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. O. Box, 312. B@~ Send for price list. 



EAGLE HOTEL. TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board §4 per week. 
Board and Lodging, S5 to $6. Per day, Si to $1,25. 
Meals, 25 cents. S3T Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H. Allen, proprietress. 

FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer, importer and dealer, cor. Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. BSS" illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application. 



GREAT REDUCTION. STOCKTON IMPROVED 
Gang Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ; 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom and warehouse, cor. El Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Globe Iron Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail. John Caine, sole proprietor. P. 
O. Box, 95, Stockton. 

GRANGERS' UNION OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL- 
ley. (Incorporated May 14, '74.) Importers and 
dealers in Agricultural Implements and a full line 
of General Hardware, Nos. 280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 
ton, CaL 

HC. SHAW. PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 
Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 
■ Stockton Gang Plows, Farm and Spring Wagons, 
Hardware, etc. , etc. Office and warerooms, 201 and 203 
El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
* dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc. No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 

H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
• Odd Fellows' Block, Stockton, CaL 

ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal. 



M 



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Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
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STOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, S500.000. Deposits payable in 
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THE WASP. 



11 



MILES O 1 P1CTERS. 

•• The San Francisco Art Association" is a delu- 
sive title. Rambling through their roo 
week one would have noticed such a badly-ar- 
ranged, queer l«>t of pictures, that the display 
Looked like the nightmare of a bilhticker, or like 
the decoration of a lunatic asylum by its patients. 
There were contusions in black-and-falue, and rav- 
ings in yellow ochre; tropical horrors and dropsi- 
cal Niagaras ; several degrees of poisoned pup and 
some freaks in cattle. There were some paint 
which resembled tiowers, and some still-life which 
resembled paint; some convalescent landscape, 
and some hopelessly incurable architecture ; in 
short, a convivial dissipation of canvas and 
color. It resembles the seedy individual who 
pleads guilty before the police court on a Mon- 
day morning, and promises never to do so any 
more if he is let off this time. Those paintings 
recall the beggars at the church door who display 
all their decrepitudes and deformities, so they 
might excite the pity which is necessary to gain 
them a penny. 

If it were not that the Art Association is in a 
manner responsible for the display of such work, 
since they lend their name and whatever prestige 
they have to advertise the sale of it, that collec- 
tion would be beneath notice. The Art Associa- 
tion is an institution dependent upon public con- 
tributions, under the guise of membership ; the 
contributors furnish their mite under the impres- 
sion that the Art Association exists for no other 
purpose than that of promoting the interests of 
true art. There are now at their roooms upwards 
of eighty pupils, for the most part inexperienced 
and unsophisticated young women, who believe in 
the dignity and respectability of the institution. 
Those eighty pupils were obliged to pass through 
the room where that collection of horrors is ac- 
cumulated. Whar sort of impression was that 
likely to make upon them ? Should they look 
upon that exhibition as works of true art, worthy 
of their emulation, or should they consider the 
management of the Art Association an imposition 
upon their credulity ? 

It is not easy to combine "trade" with the 
aesthetics, but it is, under all circumstances, in- 
cumbent upon every one to be passably honest and 
decent. That exhibit at the Art Rooms is neither 
the one nor the other. An auctioneer praises 
those daubs in the semi-professional jargon of his 
class, and the public, attracted by the announce- 
ment that the sale takes place at the rooms of the 
Art Association, flocked to hear him, were de- 
ceived by the glare of cheap trumpery, by artfully 
arranged light, by boeus bids, and became unrea- 
sonable enough to acquire some of those rascally 
emanations of depraved taste. Let the Art Asso- 
ciation forthwith discountenance any such practice 
in their name, or else assume the just stigma of 
being accessory to the fraud. 



SENATOR FAIR. 



The ChrottK-h' makes a meanly malicious attack 
on Senator Fair anent the Hale & Xorcross flurry 
in the stock market. Thegistof the Chronicle's charge 
is that Senator Fair knew that the deal in Hale & 
Norcross was going to be made, kept quiet until it 
was made, and after it was all over disclaimed all 
connection with it. Our disesteemed contempo- 
rary is a tritie exacting. If Senator Fair is to 
disavow all the swindles with which it may be 
sombody's pleasure to connect his name, and do it 
with such opportune timeliness that nobody will 
go in and get left, he will have to be very alert 
indeed. It will be necessary for him to employ a 
very large number of brisk and sharp-eyed corre- 
spondents all over the country to telegraph him 
immediately when a deal is being put up in some- 
body's back office, in order that he may promptly 
get up in the middle of the night to repudiate it. 
And then the smarties would copper his repudia- 
tion and get left worse than they would otherwise 
have done, and squeal a trifle shriller. The Chron- 
icle affirms that Mr. Fair is absent from his duties 
at Washington "for no other reason that the pub- 
lic can imagine " than to look after his private 
mining interests. He is absent because he is a 
very sick man— too ill to concern himself with 
either public or private affairs. Our prevaricating 
contemporary knows that as well as we. The 
fatherly advice to a United States Senator to drop 
every thing "mean and sordid" b his past life 
and rise to the moral level of his surroundings is 



good. Egad : it a delicious. The moral level of a 
Senator's surroundings is, we take it, 
high to a duck— say a lame duck lik 
'I" ^ oung. 



AN AWFUL EXAMPLE, 



Some years ago Mr. Joseph Tilden was a quiet. 
elderly gentleman with little local celebrity, save 
' eing and h ■■ ■■! liver. In an evil 

hour he submitted t.. the persuasion of the lateCol- 
onel Cremony and consented private^ 
thirty quails on thirty consecutive days. The feat 
was one of easiest performance to Mr. Tilden, but 
Colonel Cremony, envious of his friend's gallic su- 
periority, bruited the story in convivial circles till 
the unfortunate quail-eater's prowess became town 
talk. Mr. Tilden had his revenge, for he encour- 
aged his friend to drink white wine when red might 
have prolonged his life. But the evil men d" lives 
often after them, and the Colonel's joke on his 
friend became a wierd contagion. Doctors and 
lawyers and newspaper men essayed to emulate 
Mr. Tilden. All failed and all declared that the 
vaunted Hrst feat had been a sell. Taunted to 
desperation Mr. Tilden determined to set the mat- 
ter forever at rest by duplicating his performance 
in public. Friends of the great gastronome ar- 
ranged the details, and the dining-room of the 
Bohemian Club was made the scene of action. As 
all well informed San Franciscans know, the feat 
was thoroughly successful. But it was not meant 
that the story should leave the city. It chanced, 
however, that Mr. Fred. Somera, at one time a pro- 
prietor of the Argonaut, left this city for New York 
last year. In an unguarded moment that gentle- 
man told the story to Mr. Sam Ward. Within a 
week thereafter Mr. Ward had arranged a quail- 
eating bout at one of the New York dining clubs. 
Since that unhappy occasion New York has gone 
gastronomically daft. The prize maniac of the 
great metropolis is now striving to eat two quails 
daily and seems likely to cause Mr. Tilden to hide 
his diminished abdomen in the folds of its capon 
lining. 

Among the Bunkers — and the family is a large 
one — the Bunker who makes the sausages and the 
Bunker who fleeces the emigrant have quarreled. 
The former Bunkerdeclares that although pork ishis 
specialty he is not so pig-headed as the Bunker 
who, after making a neat clean-up on the iniigra- 
tion scheme, quietly awaited investigation and ar- 
rest. Xow the sausage Bunker shows himself a 
gentleman of wit, as well as an honest man, about 
whose premises domestic animals may be as safe as 
on the roof or in the kennel. Why Immigration 
Commission Bunker did not light out while he had 
the opportunity is the problem that puzzless every 
one. He forfeits all the sympathy which the con- 
sideration of the ingenious manner of his fee col- 
lections might have won him. The next thing to 
a clever piece of rascality is the getting away with 
the swag. And in this quality Mr. Bunker, now 
in quod, has shown himself most lamentably defi- 
cient ; and his namesake of the sausage shop is 
properly ashamed of him. 



Governor Stoneman is going in for economy with 
a double-distilled energy, therefore the profits of 
every office connected with the State capital have 
been sadly cut down. All the nice, fat clerkships 
have been clipped of their emoluments, and it 
really looks as if employees were to get not one 
more cent than they earn. And as yet the jobs 
have been so few, the lobbying so dull and the old 
plump bonanzas so bashful that unless some change 
takes place the legislators themselves will not be 
able to reckon up a single perquisite in addition 
to their salaries. 

TALK ABOUT THEATERS. 



At the Baldwin Theater the well-deserved success of 
Esmeralda augurs well for Bronson Howard's Young 
Mrs. Winthrop, which will be performed for the first time 
in San Francisco on Monday evening next. Tne careful 
and conscientious representation of Esmeralda is a guar- 
antee for the manner in which the play which succeeds it 
will be presented. It is fair to presume that Young Mrs 
Winthrop will prove not merely satisfactory, but a com- 
plete success. The plot is simply a phase of every-day 
life, but is sufficiently interesting in its development to 
make the people who move in it quite sympathetic, aside 
from the exquisite dialogue, which is thoroughly enjoyable. 
"Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop." a young couple, find them- 



p by -tv[> drift tfaaorbed 

by business, unwitting bis home; the 

lually finds .1 oampeiutation for the Lack of his 
company in a vortex >>i fri \ crusty 

lawyer with a iterling heart, and .1 giddy nidov who 
marries f->r the ieoond time, form the comedy plot, and 

I licationfl arising from their divergent endeavors 
to -et things right are amusing in the extreme. Thii play 

and its repr ntation nave met with great favor in the 

' management take a pride 

in presenting it here with almost the entin 

A notable event "f the past week was the fir*t appear- 
ance in an English part <<f Ume. Elmenreich, the well- 
known and highly talented German actress. It in unfor- 
tunate that that lady has identified herself with so un- 
popular a management that even such niperioi efforts as 
her " Camille " and " Marie Stuart " are insufficient to 
procure for them more than pitifully small aud 
The echoes of past managerial failures seem to fill tin* 
California Theater bo completely that the spirit of its 
"langsyne" success stubbornly refuses to rise from the, 
misty deep. This is to he regretted in behalf of Mine. 
Elmenreich, who has demonstrated by her highly artistia 
performance of " Camille " that she is worthy to take 
high rank among her English sisters in the dramatic 
profession. Her representation of that part disci — a 
degree of originality which denotes deep and intelligent 
study of its character. Her remarkable control of the 
great difficulties of English pronunciation imply an 
amount of will-power and patient industry which ought 
to meet with proper recognition. It is true she can not 
as yet be justly called a "great"' actress, from the 
English standpoint; her constant application of " Ger- 
man " elocution gives her performance a strange, un- 
English color, and occasionally we catch such peculiari- 
ties as " muzt " for must; " enknown " for unknown ; 
" pezzle " for puzzle, and such inflections as desperate for 
desperate— all of which may or may not be polished 
away by the attrition of future experience. But aside 
from that, her performance has many prominent fea- 
tures bordering upon greatness. " Canaille's " frivolity 
and waywardness, the lights and shadows of her affec- 
tion, her growing fondness and grand passion are drawn 
with the delicacy and precision of a true artist. The 
interview with her lover's father is a powerful delineation 
of passionate emotion ; the ballroom scene is a remarkable 
study of facial expression ; her surprise, her terror, her 
despair are so natural, so real, that the sympathy is 
thoroughly aroused. Her death scene is devoid of the 
objectionable harrassing details of pulmonary consump- 
tion, but is very affecting in its simplicity, and ends in a 
manner quite original to the English stage. The charm 
of her performance consists in her by-play ; little artistic 
touches elaborate her every motion, and graceful action 
seconds appropriately the flow of her speech. Such little 
incidents as the finding of her book of accounts, the 
dusting of it before she hands it to " I><= Varville," make 
the point of her incorrect statement of her indebtedness, 
together with her query, whether she has not kept her 
accounts with scrupulous care, a very agreeable and hu- 
morous shading, lime. Elmenreich has undoubtedly a 
brilliant career before her, and though she may be an 
unmitigated failure at the California Theater, she is 
bound to meet with proper recognition under a different 
management. 

To-morrow evening Adolph Link will appear at the 
California Theater in the German comedy-burlesqe^ Run- 
away Wives. The comedian will be new to his audience, 
but he brings endorsements that should win him a wel- 
come. If he be half so good as the critics of Eastern 
towns say he is, the Genii an -speaking theater-goers of 
this city are in luck. 

Mrs. Blake-Alverson, a lady who has upon many occa- 
sions volunteered her services in assistance of worthy ob- 
jects, announces a benefit concert to take place at Piatt's 
Hall on the evening of February 16th. A good pro- 
gramme and her excellent reputation as an artist ought to 
611 the hall to overflowing. 

The subscription list for the Thomas Orchestral ' 'onci rta 
is now open. 

Pop at the Bush Street Theater will give way to Mn 
Sweetheart ; Traviata at the Tivoli has retired in favor of 
Offenbach's Bridgt of Sighs; and Emerson's Minstrels 
will continue to dish up Bath for the amusement of the 
public. 

Saturday, February 10th, the members of Verein Ein- 
tracht are prepared to meet their friends at the Mechan- 
ics' Pavilion amid the maze and fun of a grand masked 
ball. 



12 



THE WASP. 



THE UNUSUAL CLERGYMAN. 



It has always seemed remarkable how quick a 
story to the detriment of a truly good man will 
spread after it once gets started. It seems as 
though the winds took it up and sent it broadcast 
like thistledown, and every seed thus scattered 
takes root and grows more noxious weeds of scan- 
dal ; and though there may not be a particle of 
truth in the first story, the victim is on the rack 
all the time, and any explanation he may make of 
his conduct is laughed at, and people wink at each 
other and say, "it won't wash," "it is too thin,'' 
and other remarks that are discouraging. The 
other day the dispatches announced that a truly 
good Baptist minister of Racine had fallen from 
grace, and the story was that he had entered the 
room of his servant girl. Then there was a com- 
mittee to investigate, and everything was excite- 
ment. Finally the minister made his statement, 
which was that he came home from church at mid- 
night, where he had been writing his sermon, and 
in passing the room of his hired girl he noticed 
that the door was open, and it being a cold night 
it occurred to him that she might be suffering from 
the cold and he went in and approached the bed 
and felt to see if she had bedclothing enough over 
her. He asked her if she had enough covering, 
and she said she had not, and he put his overcoat 
over her and went away. At the investigation 
the hired girl corroborated the statement of the 
truly good man, and the investigation was ended, 
and the reputation of the good man, which had 
been so nearly tarnished, was as white as snow. 
The girl's conduct shows that there was nothing 
mean about her. How easy it would have been 
for her to have given him away, or "bear false 
witness," as the good Book would say. But now 
that the explanation of the good man is so clear, 
and his kind heart is shown to such good advant- 
age, instead of giving him a reception there are 
lots of worldly wretches who will not believe it. 
They do not know by experience the feelings of 
a truly good man, who would suffer if he knew his 
hired girl was not warm. Some men are so heart* 
less that they never give a thought to whether the 
hired girl has clothes enough on her bed, and girls 
might freeze for all they care. Such men would 
say that if girls had not got sense enough to put' 
clothes on her bed to keep warm it was not the 
place of the man of the house to go prowling 
around her bedroom at midnight, throwing over- 
coats, hoop-skirts, corsets and petticoats on the 
bed to bank them up. Instead of censuring the 
minister for his seeming gall in going into the 
room, worldly people should follow his example, 
and when they go home at midnight go right to 
the hired girl's room and see if she has got bed- 
clothes enough over her. Yet many girls who 
work for a living know about as well how much 
bedclothes they can carry as the average minister 
or worldly man, and they will not stand a great 
deal of such nonsense, but if it is the proper thing 
for the clergy to do everybody wants to know it. 
We have heard of hired girls who would have 
knocked the sermon completety out of that truly 
good man, and stood him on his head in the hall, 
and poured dirty water down his trousers legs; and 
then there are others who would have kept him 
piling on clotheB until it was time to get up and 
build a fire and get breakfast. On general princi- 
ples it is a safe course of conduct for the average 
minister, as well as the average worldly man, to 
not yearn to find out whether the hired girls have 
bedclothes eno i'.gh on their beds. They are gene- 
rally endowed by nature with sufficient intelligence 
to know whether they are cold or not, and if they 
need more they know where the extra bedclothes 
are kept. While the Sun believes in supporting 
ministers in everything they do, and believes them 
to be actuated in all their charitable enterprises by 
tha kindest feelings, it desires to point out to 
them the danger of going too far, especially in a 
hired girl's room. " Charity covereth a multitude 
of hired girls," or words to that effect, but the or- 
dinary run of wicked and perverse citizens are 
liable to think that the minister has cannister mo- 
tives when he goes to their apartments at midnight 
and leave his coat, and a life of pious endeavor 
cannot get it out of their minds. As the Psalmist 
says, "It is better that a thousand hired girls 
shall have cold feet, than that one minister shall 
get into the wrong pew. " Selah !— Peck's San, 



B@~ For one dime get a package of Diamond Dyes at the 
druggist's. They color anything the simplest and most 
desirable colors. 



FIRE I 

An Important Correspondence. 



On the 23d of January the Board of Underwriters, by 
their President, Vice-President and Secretary, addressed 
a communication to the President of the Spring Valley 
Water Works, directing his attention to the peril of the 
city in case of a water famine — now threatened. 
They reminded him that the water supply of the city 
could be doubled by raising the da.n of the Crystal 
Springs reservoir and connecting that artificial lake with 
the city by an independent pipe line, instead of pumping 
from it into the otherwise dry Pillarcitos system. They 
affirmed that the supply pipes in the southeastern part of 
the city are altogether inadequate in capacity for the pro- 
tection of that section against fires. They asked him 
why his company did not enlarge the capacity of the 
Crystal Springs reservoir, connect it with the city and 
increase the size of the mains?" In conclusion they re- 
minded him that at the time when, pursuant to his com- 
pany's request, a committee of their Board made a long 
and exhaustive examination of the city's water supply, 
their opinion of its adequacy was based upon the suppo- 
sition that what is now recommended would be done, and 
upon the company's assurance that any reasonable re- 
quest of the Underwriters would be complied with. 

Mr. Charles Webb Howard, the President of the Spring 
Valley Water Works, being absent, Mr. Oliver Eldridge, 
the Vice-President, has written a courteous reply to the 
Underwritars, giving a number of what he esteems good 
and sufficient reasons why his company has not made the 
improvements suggested — improvements which he says 
would entail an expense of from §1,500,000 to $2,000,000. 
Says Mr. Eldridge : 

" When Mr. Howard addressed your Board in 1878, 
the relations of the Spring Valley Water Works to San 
Francisco were widely different from those now existing ; 
then the statute under which we were incorporated ref 
quired our rates to be fixed by a Board of five Commis- 
sioners, two appointed by the city, two by the company, 
and the fifth by the other four ; and that we should fur- 
nish water free in case of fire and other great necessity. 
The Commissioners fixed our rates fairly, reduced them 
when justified, and the company furnished free water as 
required. 

"' Had these conditions continued your present appre- 
hensions and investigations would have been unnecessary, 
because the improvements and precautions you have sug- 
gested would have been made and provided for by this 
company. 

" JVoic, the Constitution of 1879 has widely changed 
the pre-existing conditions — our franchise has been sub- 
jected to a heavy tax on an assessment of S5, 000,000, a 
tax which which was imposed only upon the water and 
gas corporations, all other corporations escaping. Our 
rates have been subjected to the control of consumers, 
through their political agents, the Board of Supervisors ; 
political parties have pledged their candidates to a re- 
duction of 20 per cent., of 25 per cent., of 33£ per cent., 
and to an indefinite material reduction." 

There seems to be a certain cogency in this, and when 
Mr. Eldridge goes on to show that under the Constitu- 
tion and a decision of the Supreme Court his company is 
entitled to pay for all the water supplied to the city for 
the extinction of fires, but that it is unable to get a cent, 
he makes out a pretty strong case against the policy of 
investing an additional million or two in that kind of 
hopes, however gratifying to him it might be to diminish 
the risks of the Underwriters. The effect of excluding the 
water company from all control of its rates, and permit- 
ting its customers, through their official agents, to fix the 
prices they shall pay, is shown as follows : 

" The present annual gross income of the company is 
•SI, 325,049 55, and it is supplying on the average daily 
15,214,000, while in 1877 its income was $1,364,253, and 
its average daily supply but 11,941,000 gallons. Thus, as 
we have increased the supply and service, and necessarily 
the cost, we find that the authorities add to our taxes, di- 
minish our rates and withhold from us the payments due 
by the city. It is a plain business proposition that with 
the continuation of that policy it is only a question of 
time when Spring Valley will be without revenue and San 
Francisco without water. * * * * 

" If matters had been fairly adjusted between the 
water company and the city, we should by this time have 
nearly doubled the supply ; but if we obtain a less reve- 
nue from a supply of 15,214,000 gallons daily than from a 
supply of 11,941,000 gallons, the question naturally arises 
as to how much less we will receive when we increase our 
supply to 25,000,000 gallons daily. * 

" If we are to stand in dread of hostilitv and wrong at 
the hands of the Supervisors, of the timid and unjust 
veto power of the Mayor, of the dogmatic exercise of ad- 
ministrative power by the Auditor, and of the hostile 
influence of the press to create popular prejudice, it 
would be a senseless foliy for this company to expend 
further capital in extending its works, and thus to place 
itself in jeopardy of more serious injury." 

Mr. Eldridge concludes thus : 

(( Our action in the future, with reference to the im- 
provements you suggest, will depend upon the city au- 



thorities ; and as we have no control over our own rates, 
and cannot estimate with any degree of certainty as to 
whether we will receive an income which will warrant in- 
creased expenditures, we respectfully refer you to the 
Board of Supervisors." 

Acting on this suggestion the Underwriters have laid 
the whole correspondence before the Board of Supervi- 
sors, and we shall soon have an opportunity to "see what 
we shall see." It is not quite clear that the Supervisors 
have the power to remove the principal grievances of 
which Mr. Eldridge complains — the non-payment of the 
company's just demands, (for former Boards have voted 
their payment ineffectually), and the re-establishment of 
the regime which gave the company a voice in fixing the 
rates, and did not tax its franchise— for the Supervisors 
cannot set aside the Constitution. As matters stand the 
outlook is gloomy for San Francisco, wherever the fault 
lies. It may not be easy for the Supervisors to determine 
just what ought to be done, aud what they have the 
power to do, but it was not stipulated that they should 
have an easy time ; they were elected to look out for our 
interests under the Constitution and laws as they exist. 
It is not too much to demand that they take immediate 
steps to protect us from peril by fire. 



A NOTED RUT UNTITLED WOMAN. 

[From the Boston Globe.] 




Hc&sr3. Editors : — 

The above is a pood likeness of Mrs. Lydia E. Pink, 
ham, of Lynn, Mass., who above all other human beings 
may be truthfully called the "Dear Friend of Woman," 
as some of her correspondents love to call her. She 
is zealously devoted to her work, which is the outcome 
of a life-study, and is obliged to keep six lady 
assistants, to help her anBwer the large correspondence 
which daily pours in upon her, each bearing its special 
burden of suffering, or joy at release from it. Her 
Vegetable Compound is a medicine for good and not 
evil purposes. I have personally investigated it and 
am satisfied of the truth of this. 

On account of its proven merits, It Is recommended 
and prescribed by the best physicians in the country. 
One says : " It works like n, charm and saves much 
pain. It will cure entirely the worst form of falling 
of the uterus, Leucorrhcea, irregular and painful 
Menstruation, all Ovarian Troubles, Inflammation and 
Ulceration, Floodings, all Displacements and the con- 
sequent spinal weakness, and is especially adapted to 
the Change of life." 

It permeates every portion of the system, and gives 
new life and vigor. It removes faintness, flatulency, 
destroys all craving for stimulants, and relieves weak- 
ness of the stomach. It cures Bloating, Headaches, 
Nervous Prostration, General Debility, Sleeplessness, 
Dapression and Indigestion. That feeling of bearing 
down, causing pain, weight and backache, is always 
permanently cured by its use. 16 will at all times, and 
under all circumstances, act in harmony with the law 
that governs the female system. 

It costs only gl. per bottle or six for g5., and is sold by 
druggists. Any advice required as to special cases, and 
the names of many who have been restored to perfect 
health by the use of the Vegetable Compound, can be 
obtained by addressing Mrs. P., with stamp for reply, 
at her home in Lynn, Mass. 

For Kidney Complaint of either sex this compound Is 
unsurpassed as abundant testimonials show. 

"Mrs. Pinkham's Liver Pills," says onewriter, "ore 
the best in the world for the cure of Constipation, 
Biliousness and Torpidity of the livei. Her Blood 
Puriflerworks wonders in its special line and bids fair 
to equal the-Compound in its popularity. 

All must/respect her as an Angel of Mercy whose sole 
ambition is to do good to others. 

Philadelphia, Pa. (2) Mrs. A. M. D. 




B3T Cures with unfailing certainty 
Nervous and Physical Debility, Vital Ex- 
haustion, Weakness, Lossol Manhood and 
all the terrible results of abused nature, ex- 
cesses and youthful indiscretions. It pre- 
vents permanently all weakening drains 
upon the system. 

Permanent Cures Guaranteed. 
Price, $2.50 per bottle, or 5 bottles $10.00 
To be had only of Or. C. D. SALFIELD, 
216 Kearny Street, San Francisco. 

TRIAL BOTTLE FREE, 
Sufficient to show its merit, will be sent to 



AGENTS 



can now grasp a fortune. Out- 
fit worth $10 free. Address E. Q. 
HIDEOUT &C0., 10BarclaySt.,N.V* 



$72 



A WEEK, $12 a day at home easily made. Costlv Outfit 
free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



THE WASP. 



13 



Marriages are on the increase in this city. This 
may be owing to a sensible wave which lias struck 
a large portion of the female population, and which 
induces them to dress much less extravagantly than 
formerly. House rent and beef have not sympa- 
thized with the marriage boom, and the dry-goods 
people alone of all tradesman have shown a disposi- 
tion to set trousseaus at a moderate figure. If this 
marriage business keeps rushing all the season, as 
within the past two months, the suffering in thoBe 
circles outside the pale of polite society will be ex- 
treme and many converts to the straight and nar- 
row path may be expected. 



A bill has been introduced into the National 
Congress providing, in brief, that no vessel enter- 
ing or leaving a port of the United States shall be 
compelled to employ a pilot. This is a part of 
what we had the honor to mean a few weeks ago 
in saying that the matter of pilot charges should 
be relegated to the General Government, where it 
properly belonged. So many of our ideas are tak- 
ing the shape of legislation that we are beginning 
to feel an uncomfortable sense of responsibility. 



The Regents of the University are said to be 
considering ways and means of setting up a depart- 
ment of veterinary surgery. Nothing easier. Se- 
lect one of the University's hoodlumni to act as pro- 
fessor without salary, and let him tinker ailing 
saw-horses to the satisfaction of his mind and heart. 
To give variety to his performances he might occa- 
sionally tackle a living jackass from the Board of 
Regents. 



MUSIC BOXES, FINE CLUCKS, WATCHES 
and Jewelry and Fans repaired. S. J. Pembroke, 212 



O'Farrell street, above Powell, San Francisco, 
from the country promptly attended to. 



Orders 



Ladies and all sufferers from neuralgia, hysteria, and 
kindred complaints, will find without a rival Brown's 
Iron Bitters. 

^ No family should be without the celebrated White Rose 
Flour, made from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaum & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
streets, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. L. Cook & 
Co., corner Grove and Laguna streets, Reddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder& Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd & Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withram, corner Davis and Clay streets. 



REMOVAL. 

The old and well known house of J. W. Tucker & Co. 
has removed to the corner of Kearny and Geary streets. 
Friends and the public will please take notice. 



MOTHER SWAN'S WORM SYRUP. 

Infallible, tasteless, harmless, cathartic ; for feverish- 
ness, restlessness, worms, constipation. 25c. 



SPRING 1883. 

As Spring with its change of weather creates a revolu- 
tion in the very bowels of the earth, so does Pfunder's 
celebrated Oregen Blood Purifier create the desired change 
in the human system. The best is always the cheapest, 
and health at any price is ever desirable. Use this medi- 
cine ; enjoy good health and save money ; SI a bottle, six 
for 65. 

Ask for "Brook's" machine cotton. Experienced op- 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it. Glace' 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. " Machine 
Cotton " printed on the cover of every box. For sale by 
all dealers. 

*** " Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than 
by your own." Take warning in time. Avoid quack 
nostrums by which thousands annually perish. _ Use only 
such remedies as are demonstrated above suspicion, fore- 
most among which is Kidney-Wort. For torpid liver, 
bowels or kidneys, no other remedy equals it. It is sold 
in both dry and liquid form by all druggists. 



"DON'T DIE IN THE HOUSE." 

" Rough on Rats." Clears out rats, mice, roaches, bed- 
bugs, flies, ants, moles, chipmunks, gophers. 15 c. 



GREAT 
PACIFIC COAST MEDICINE. 



AKE HOME BEAUTIFUL! 



House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of Art. The 
Largest Stock of Wall Papers in the City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO, 

645 Market Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE Ok COLOR. 



!1§ BUfcS fc> T l_-t E IE T Hi 

The Largest Stock— The Latest Styles. 



Man 



CALL, AND SEE BEFORE PURCHASING ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



^CTURING COM ? 



tftf 



CALIFORNIA 

Safe Deposit 

AND 

Trust Company 

32G ll«\K.o>li:iM STREET, 
Sim Francisco, Vnl. 

DIRECTORS: 
J. D. FRY, G. L. BRADLEY, 

C. F. Ma</DERMOT, NICHOLAS U MM;, 

SAMUEL DAVIS, I". H. WOODS, 

LLOYD TEVIS, I'MAKLKS MAIN, 

HENKY WADSWORTH, L 0. W1CKEBSHAM, 

JAS. H. GOODMAN. 



J. D. FBY PWHidcnl 

C. IE. THOMPSON (late of Union Trust Co. of New 

York) Treasurer 

WIH, CUNNINGHAM Secretary 



[DEPOSITS 



RECEIVED SUBJECT TO CHECK. In- 
terest allowed on money deposited far sixty days or longer. 

This Company will act as Agent of Corporations, Estates, Finns 
and Individuals for the care of securities, Heal Estate and Personal 
Property of all kinds, the collection of interest and Runts, and 
will transact business generally as Trustee for property and in- 
terests intrusted to its care 

Will act as Transfer Agent or Registrar of Transfers of Stouk 
and as Trustee under Trust Mortgages of Incorporated Companies. 

Will hold powers of attorney, and make collections and remit- 
tances, purchase Drafts, Bullion, Foreign Money, Exchange, etc. 
Buy and sell securities, make investments and negotiate loans. 

Rent of safes in Safe Deposit vaults from §2 to 820 per month, 
and from $12 to $200 yer year. 



• , ; • .• •'^'■■; HEN.JY riETJEN.' 7 
r -&._HeNRY;AHHE,NS.>c^.c.''T^.V.»OlfSTEL: 






%'Mr//i£^tWi 






$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and £5 outfit free. Ad- 
dress H. Hallet ic Co., Portland, .Maine. 



WHISKIES! 



To the Trade. 

We bug t o call attention to the fellow ing. full lines'.of 
well-known brands of Rye and Bourbon : 

lt»l KltOV.j 

NELSON Fall 79 

MILLER. 0. C January, '81 

LEXINGTON Spring '80 

REDMOND Spring' 80 

L. VAX HOOK Spring '80 

E. C. BERRY, Sour Mash Fall '79 

MONARCH, Sour Mash Spring '80 

WILOW RUN KaU '79 

RYE. 

HORSEY Spring '79 and '80 

NELSON Spring '79 

SHERWOOD Spring '79 

MONTICELLO Spring '80 

MILLER Spring '80 

Agents for bonded goods from several distilleries. Sole 
Agents for 

1'dolplio Wolfe's Sehlcdam Aromatic Bchnnnps* 
Dante] Lawrence and Bon's Medford Rum. 

Willow Springs Distilling; Co.'s Spirits and 
Alcoliol. 
Kennedy's Knst India Kilters. 
For sale to the trade in lots to suit. 

WM. T. COLEMAN & CO., 

Corner Market and Main Streets. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



LIVER AND KIDNEY RECULATOR. 



DEALERS _IN FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale. 

Sick Headache and 
Biliousness Entirely Cured. 



14 



THE WASP. 



It is getting so that even burglars are seriously 
interfered with in the practice of their profession. 
A recent invention is connected with a safe and is 
so arranged that when the burglar touches the safe 
an electric light is thrown upon the face of the 
burglar, and a prepared plate inside the safe door 
transfers the man's picture so he can be identified. 
If this thing keeps on a poor burglar will have to 
send an agent to burgle for him or he will get into 
trouble. The life of a burglar is full of terrors. 
Not long ago a woman whose room was being 
burgled woke up and made the burglar stay to 
lunch and listen to a lecture on the wickedness of 
his profession. And recently a burglar was sur- 
prised while going through the residence of an edi- 
tor, and the editor sat up in bed and insisted on 
the burglar playing him a game of seven-up for 
his burglar tools, and the burglar went away with- 
out his tools. — Peck's Hun. 



Miss Miller, of Ferris, chloroformed the dogs and 
eloped with a young man her father had forbidden 
the premises. The probabilities are that in a year 
hence she will conclude that her life would have 
been less miserable if she had chloroformed the 
young man and eloped with her father's dogs. — 
Texas Sigthigs. 



General Sherman kisses every girl to whom he 
is introduced. Tecumseh always was a reckless 
cuss, much given to cutting away from his base 
and depending on the country for his supplies as 
he went along. — Burlington Hawkeye- 



PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 

The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 18S2 
(i4,lS8 barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in this city. (See Official Report, 
U. S. Internal Revenue, January, 1883.) The beer from 
this brewery has a Pacific Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 

For tremulousness, wakefulness, dizziness, and lack of 
energy, a most valuable remedy is Brown's Iron Bitters. 



" BTJCHUPAIBA." 
Quick, complete cure, all annoying Kidney, Bladder 
and Urinary Diseases. SI. Druggists. Depot. 



*If you are a woman and would contribute your influ- 
ence to redeem humanity from its numberless ills, make 
all things else subordinate to health. If you possess this 
inestimable treasure you may transmit the same and your 
offspring may rise up and call you blessed. To secure this 
it will be well to seek the motherly countenance of Mrs. 
Pinkham, Lynn, Mass. 



" ROUGH ON RATS." 

^Clears out rats, mice, roaches, flies, ants, bedbugs, 
skunks, chipmunks, gophers. 15c. Druggists. 



DENTISTRY. 
C. O. Dean, D. D. S., 126 Kearny street, San Francisco. 



KIDNEY-WORT 



T* 



E CHEAT CURE 



RHEUMATISM— 

As it is for all the painful diseases of the 

KIDNEYS, LIVER AND BOWELS. 

It cleanses the system of the acrid poison 

that causes the dreadful suffering -which 

only the victims of Rheumatism can realize. 

THOUSANDS OF CASES 
of the worst forms of this terrible disease 
have been quickly relieved, and in short time 

PERFECTLY CURED. 
price, $i. norm ok dry, sold by druggists. 

±i- Dry can be sent bv mail. 

WELLS, RICTLARDSOiN & Co.. Burlineton Vfc 



KhDNEY-WORHvr 



J. D. SPRECKELS & BROS., 

Shipping S Commission 

M ERCH ANTS. 

....AGENTS FOK.... 

Spreckels' line of Hawaiian Packets, 

S. 8. Hepworth's Centrifugal Machines, 

Reed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Covering. 

No. 327 Market Street, 

■Corner Fremont. SAN FRANCISCO. 




FOR 

Asthma. Coughs, 

Colds. Croup. In- 
llurii/.a. Bronchitis, 
Catarrh, Whooping- 
Cough, Loss of Voice. Incipient Consumption, and a 
Throat and Lung Troubles. 
In nine cases out of ten, one dose taken at bedtime will 
effectually and permanently eradicate the severest form 
of INFLtJENZA, COLD IN THE HEAD or CHEST. 
For Loss of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and Incipient Consumption, a longer sse of it is 
required to effect a permanent cure. 

ASK FOE THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam, 



AND TAKE Ml Olllllt. 



rice, 50 Cents. 



J. B. GATES & Co., Druggists, Prop rs, 

417 Sansonic Street, cor. Commercial, S. 1'. 



STRICTLY PURE. 

Harmless to the Most Delicate. 




AMUSEMENTS. 



,-lag represents Che Lungs In a healthy state.. 



THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 



Consumption, 

Coughs, Colds, 

Croup. 

Ami Other Tlirout ami Lung 
Affections. 



It Contains No Opium In Any Form ! 

Recommended by Physicians, Ministers and Nurses. 
In fact by everybodv who has given it a good trial. IT 
NEVER, FAILS TO BRING RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call for Allen's Lung Balsam, and shun 
the use of all remedies without merit. 

As an Expectorant it has No Equal. 

For Sale by all Medicine Dealers. 



Recommended by the Faculty 
TAR RANT 5 S 

COMPOUND EXTRCTS 

— OF — 

Cubebs and Copaiba 

This compound is superior to any 
preparation hitherto invented, com- 
bining in a veryhighly concentrated 
state the medical properties of the 
Cubebs and Copaiba. One recom- 
mendation this preparation enjoys 
over all others is its neat, portable 
form, put up in pots ; the mode in which it maybe taken 
is both pleasant and convenient, being in the form of a 
paste, tasteless and does not impair the digestion. Pre- 
pared only by TARRANT & CO., 

Druggist and Chemists, 278 and 280 Greenwich street, 
New York. For Sale By All Druggists. 




BALDWIN THEATER. 

Monday, - - - February 12th, 




Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and Mason. 
Keeling Beos Proprietors and Managera 

First week and unbounded success of Offenbach's 
charming Comic Opera, in four acts, 

THE BRIDGE OF SIGHS I 



German Theater. 

Directrice Ottilte Genee 



SUNDAY, - - - FEBRUARY nth, 

First appearance of the celebrated comedian, 

LINK, 

As " Reporter Reunthier," in the laughable Burlesque 
with Songs and Dance, 

RUNAWAY WIVESI 

In the last act Grand Pas Seul, executed by Adole 
Link, as Signora Crambuchini. 



BALDWIN THEATER. 

Monday, - - - February 12th, 




Gr^^ZTNTTD 
MASQUERADE BALL I 

OE THE 

VEREIN EINTRAGHT 




Saturday Evening, Feb'y 10th, 

AT THE 

MECHANICS' PAVILION. 



Il.ooit TICKETS (for BfclSkCl 
SPECTATORS, - 



only). 



- $1 
50 rents 



A false face alone will not be recognized as Mask. 

All Maskers must be in Costume or Domino. 

Cars will run ALL NIGHT. 

Doors open at 7 o'clock, P. M. 

Concert at S o'clock, P. M, 

Grand March at 81 o'clock? precisely. 

THE COMMITTEE. 



CONSUMPTION if §§i 

Worst kind and ol lon^stiiiuling Ikivo been cured. Indeed, bo strong 
Ib my faith In Irs ofl'ieacy, that 1 will soml TWO BOTTLES FREE, to- 
gether with u VALUABLE TREATISE <m 1 his disease, t.> an v finflVr- 
er. eive Express & P.O. address DK.T. A. SLOCUil, 181 Pearl St., N.Y. 



THE WASP. 



15 



OLIVE BUTTER 



An Absolutely Pure Vegetable Oil. 



MANUFACTURED BY 



WASHINGTON BUTCHER'S SONS, PHILADELPHIA. 






For Cooking Purposes is better than Lard. Fully equal to Butter, and at much less cost than either. 
ONE POUND OP OLIVE BUTTER WILL DO T11E WORK OF TWO POUNDS OF LARD, 



OLIVE BUTTER means health, economy and cleanliness ; absolute freedom from all adulterations of any kind. 

We present OLIVE BUTTER to the pul.lic with the conviction that it will permanently take the place of Lard and Butter for culinary purposes. It 
needs but a single trial to demonstate its great value and merits ; and we guarantee it for the following qualities, viz : 

It is a pure vegetable product, free from adulterations and is much more nutritious than lard or butter. It remains perfectly sweet in every climate 
and is unaffected by age ; hence it never becomes rancid. It is much cheaper than lard or butter and requires but half the quantity to attain the same 
results in cooking. Articles of food cooked with it retain their natural flavor ; no greasy taste is imparted, the oil not being so readily absorbed as ordinary 
lard or butter, because it is a vegetable product. 

The fact that we are and have been for many years manufacturers and reliners of lard— our trade amounting to millions of pounds annually— and now 
offer to the public this vegetable oil of our own manufacture, for culinary purposes in lieu of lard or butter, is of itself a sufficient guarantee. 

Our Trade Mark is secured by letters patent, registered at the Patent Office in Washington, D. C. 



DIRECTIONS: 

Use in the same manner for cooking as you would lard or butter, only use half the quantity for the same purposes. Put up in (iO-pound cases of 3, 5 
and 10 pound cans. For sale by all grocers. 

W. J. HOUSTON & Co., Sole Agents, 

No. 37 Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

Rollin P. Saxe, 

218 CALIFORNIA STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, CAL, 
Importer, Breeder, Exporter and Commission Merchant in all kinds of 

Live Stock. 




Berkshire Swine a specialty, Correspondence solicited. 



c T%i-'^i^ 



o 

c 

30 

r 
O 

o 

> 

r 

o 
o 



«o 

c 

X 

o 

H 
m 




"■--.-• 



« * ^ _. .. - . . . »_*_ . 



»-* «— <» * * *_* * » * • » * 



y "OUR LITTLE BEAUTIES "- Jggjg£g 



Pressed 




ICOLL 

POPULAR PRIC ES ! 

LARGE STOCK! 
CHOICE WOOLEN 




Pure, Mild, ___ ALLEN & GINTBR 



Samples with Instructions for Self-Measurement Sent Fr 



HE filAILOH 



POPULAR TAILOR! 

Men's a nd Boys' 
Ready-Made CbtJiing. 

816 & 



POPULAR STYLES 



ee. 



NEW 
ENGLAND 
BAKING 
POWDER 




Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Cream Tartar and Bi-Carli. Soda 
NOTHING ELSE 

Won Bros. I Co. 

SAN FRANCISCO 



Men's Furnishin g Goods. 
And Fancy Neckwear. 
Ms Market Street, San Francisco. 



AN 
ixtraordinary Razor 

IAS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
x OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 

so THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO RE- 
URE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
lides over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
laving quite a luxury. It is CREATING A 
REAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
xperts, who pronounce it PERFECTION, 
wo dollars in buffalo handle ; S3 in ivory, 
ivery Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
iverse side the name of NATHAN JOSEPH, 
41 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
le United States where they are obtained. Trade 
Jppiied ; sent by mail 10c. extra or C. 0. D. 

The Queen's Own Company having en- 
irged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
VORY CARVING KNIVES, TABLE and POCKET 
INIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
he same quality as their marvelously wonderful 
tAZOR. 

TWICHEFTp 

"■-^ Kid Gloves -■- 

M.WAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

Factory, 119 Dupont Street, 

Jet. Geary and Post San Francisco 



3harle8 W. Freeman Vincent A. Torras 

TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co. 
BOOK AND JOB 

Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, 

Below Sanaome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, French, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



SIBEBIAIST BALSAM 

CURES Catarrh, Asthma, Croup, Coughs, Colds, Affec- 
tions of the Bi-onchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases^ the Kidneys and Urinary Organs It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause. 

HEPOT. 415 MOXTCOMEBV STREET. 



For Mile liv ii 1 1 IIiii~Im.. 



B, 



*3"Ask For 

ILLOWS UEER 

Brewed by 0. FADSS & Co. 
WILLOWS BREWEBY. 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 19th Sts., San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

SUCCESSOR TO 

MASSEY & YUNG, 
No. 651 SACRAMENTO STREET. 

First House below Kearny. San Francisco. 



"JESSE MOORE 

WHISKEY." 

Superior in 



QUALITY. 





N. Van Bergen & Co., 

HOLK AURMS FOB 

"COLD DUST" WHISKEY. 

413 liny Street, 

SAX FRANCISCO. California. 



PianoS 



Ohicfcerlng& Sons, Boston; Bluthner .Leipzig; 
P. L. Neumann, Hamburg; Q. Scliwechten, 
Berlin. 

PIANOS TO RENT. 
B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Fan-ell St 

NEAE MARKET, SaN F'.ANriBCO. 
J. J. Palmer. Valentine Rky. 

PALMER & REY, 

Iinporterso rPrlnllng and lithographing 

IFIRIESSIES 

And Material. 

Sole agents for Cottrell & Babcock, Peerless and 
Campbell presses, and new Baxter engines : also 
makers of the Excelsior steam' engines 

Warerooms,405&407SansoiiieSt.S.F 

Wo have on hand at present a large number of 
second-hand printing presses, 



CRAIG & KREMPLE 

STJOOESBO&S TO 

Craig and Son, 

UNDB RTAK BRS 

And EMBALMERS, 

22 & 26 MINT A VENUNE. 

The finest Reception Rooms in the State. 
All orders promptly attended to. 



[MOORE, HUNT & CO., 

417 and 419 
Market Street, 

San Francisco. 



C. II. .Hoore. 

F 

JESSE MOORE & Co 

Louisville, Ky. 

■I. It. Hunt, 

San Francisco. 



Prentiss Selby, Sup't. 

Selfoy Smelting: 



H. B. Underuill, jR.,Sec'y. 

and Lead Co. 



manutactcrers of 

lead Pipe, S leet Lend, Shot, Bar lead, Pig lead. Solder, Antl-Frtctlon metal, lead 

Sasli Weights, lead Traps, Block Tin, Pipe, Blue Stone, Etc. 

Office, 4-16 Montgomery Street, - - - - San Francisco. 

Refiners of Gold and Silver Bars and Lead Bullion. Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



ASK YOUR 

"W HITE 



GROCER FOR THE 

JROSE FLOUTS 

MANUFACTURED BY THE 

Celebrated Hungarian Process. 



SsT See loeal notice in another column. 



DR .THOMAS HALL'S 



Baf-QT^P KEKTTJCKY WHISKEY. "S3I 



«©* cimm o istd's 



Titiniiiii i ■MiiMiiitntm hi tut iiiiiiii 1 



NABOB 




THE BEST 

In the World. 

ask your 
Druggist or Grocer for it. 




WDEPOT, 429 AND 431 BATTERY STREET. SAN FRANCISCO."** 



Bitter 

ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful appetizer, giving tone and strength 
to the stomach, and as a tonic beverage it has no 
equal ; will cure Dyspepsia or Indigestion, Fever 
and Ague, Biliousness, General Debility and 
kindred diseases. 

This tonic is most beneficial in its results ; it 
braces the system, creates an appetite, and de- 
stroys that wretched feeling of ennui which we 
constantly labor under in this enervating climate. 
The tonic for its medicnl qualities excels any 
other ever offered to the public, having taken the 
first premium at the fairs of Sacramento, San 
Jose, Stockton, Oakland and San Francisco for 
absolute purity, made from pure California Port 
Wine, Wine of Prpsin and Elixir Calisaya. 

JETFor sale everywhere thrroughout the State. 
Depot at JAMES H. GATES'drugstore, cor. New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Francisco. 



DRINK FALK'S MILWAUKEE BEER. 



o 

o 



o 
W 

w 

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o 

W 

M 
W 

X/l 

o 

a 
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3 
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CD 
P3 

c+ 

CD 
CD 



fc^HARDWOOD LUMBER---J°^ wigmore, » 



DOANE & HENSHELWOOD-Popular Dry floods House-132 Kearny St, B iS£ 




KOIILER «fc CHASE, 137 to 139 Post St., 

Sole Agents for the Celebrated 

Decker Bro'sPiauos 

Also for the 
FISCHER and the EMERSON Pianos. 

Cash or installments. Largest Piano and Music 
House on the Coast. 




Throat, 



Catarrh, 



H. R. Williar, Jr. 



A. Carlisle. 



A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Stationes, 

22G CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Francisco. 



H. HOESCH, 

Res t an ran t, 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco 

THE NEVADA BANK 

OF SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital Paid Up - - $3,000,000 
Reserve II. S. Ronds - - 4,500,000 

Agency at New York 62 Wall street 

Agency at Virginia, Nevada. 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers. 

Issues Commercial and Travelere' Credits. 
This Bank has special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 

P. 0. Box, 1886. 
Address: 




Lungs, 



Fevers. 



For Coughs, Colds, 
WhoopiDg Coughs and 
all Throat affections 
it has no equal . 



VALENTINE HASSMER, 933 Washington St:, cor. Powell, S. F. 



JNO. LEVY & CO., 

Makers and Importers of Fine Jewelry. 

DIAMONDS, PRECIOUS STONES, WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE, CARRIAGE and MANTEL 

Clocks, Opera-glasses, Fans, Etc., 

118 SITTER STREET, San Franriseo, Cal, 



THOMAS DAY & CO., 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, Sconces, Candlesticks and 

Bouillottes. 
BARE BRONZES. BISQUE and FAIENCE WARE 

IN GREAT VARIETY. 



FIRE. MARINE. 

The Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 



OF CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS $1,250,000 

HOME OFFICE: 

S. W. Car. California and Sansome Sts. 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
D. J. Staples, President 

Alpheus Bull, Vice-President. 
Wll. J. Dutton, Secretary. 

E. W. Carpenter, Assistant Secretary. 



0. L HDTOHINSON. H. B. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. Califo rnia a nd Sansome Sts 

CASH ASSETS REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W. L. Chalmers, Z. P. Olark, Special Agents and 
Adjusters, Oapt. A. M. Barns, Marine Surveyor. 




FIRE and 



MARINE. 



US CALIFORNIA ST., SIN FRANCISCO. 
Capital, ; ; ; $300,000 00. 

OFFICERS— C. L.Taylor, President; J. N. Knowles 
Vice-Pres.; Ed. E. Potter, Sec'y and Treasurer. Di- 
rectors— I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gustave Nie- 
bauni, J. B. Stetson, J. J. McKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Dingley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



PACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO., 

Of London, 
40G CALIFORNIA STREET, S. F. 



05 

o 



I 

B 

cd 



3 

CD I 
J* I 



05' 

CD 
_ » 



o 



"The 



Bald win." 




This Hotel was completed and 
opened in May, 1877, and is con- 
ducted on the American Plan, 

Over $3,500,000 having been ex- 
pended by Mr. Baldwin in its con- 
struction and furnishing. 

The Baldwin is the most ele- 
gantly appointed Hotel in the 
world. 




Situated on Market Street, at 
the intersection of Powell and Eddy 
Streets, and fronting on four prin- 
cipal streets in the business center, 
it is convenient of access to and 
from all quarters of the City. 
Eight lines of Street Cars pass its 
doors. 

f Hotel Coaches and Carriages in 
waiting at all Steamer and Hallway 
Depots. 



The Leading Hotel of San Francisco, California. 



TOURISTS' HEADQUARTERS. 



Speelal Accommodations for Families and Large Parlies. 



Prices tlic same as at oilier First-class Holds— $2 50 to $5 per day. 



W u Z"F$l88&rc"£S&. c "«' Cu «« 



H. H. PEARSON, Proprietor, 

} Formerly Proprietor of " The Cosmopolitan," San Francisco. 



?**** 



M^M 



r A 



.!*Kv- 3fcv 



\(. 




VOL. X. 



AN FRANCISCO, FKR. 1' 



188? 



^J 




For 
reakfast 

Lunch 
Go to the 
New England 
KITCHEN. 

5 22 

California SI. 



;r o E X) k k J-: i ; 

nampagne. 

gttlar Invoices received dired fron Mr. L*d1a Korderrr. B< □ 

i 

MACONDRAY & CO , B 



donald McMillan, 

Manufacturer and Dealer in 

SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERSi 

ESSEM ES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 

714 From Street, 

(Near Broadway), SAN" FRANCISCO. 



"White House" Whis kies, 

111 I'll l\T HOLLAND <;!%."' 

I Id Mil BRANDIES, 

POST, SHERRY, Etc 

In IhuhI or tlulv )> nil. 
_G EO'RGE STEVENS, * 
318 I'ronl street. Boom ■.'. s:in FraiicKen 



[■HE CELEBRATED 

1AMPAGNE WINES 

Jessra. Dbctz a: Gelpf.ru. ins Ay, en Chompapne.'S 



CACHET BLANC- Exfrn Dry, 

In cases -marts and pints. 

CABINET GREEN SEAL, 

In baskets, quarts and pints. 

tKDEAtX BED AND WHITE MINES. 

In cases from Messrs. A. de Lnze &, Fib. 

HOCK MINES. 

n eases from G. M. Pabstmaiin Sohn, Mainz. 

arles Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
314 SACRAMENTO STBEET. 

" Give thy sen a lineral education." I 



OHAMBEELAIN & ROBINSON 

PROPRIETY It S. 



ACIFIC 

BUSINESS 

C OLLEGE. 
32Q 



I'ost ).. 
Street! Hit i 



«8>"SEND FOR CIRCULARS! fl 



p Leopold Bro's T 

Iloeist 

a5 POST STREET, below Kearny 
Bouquets, Baskets.'Wreathes, Crosses 



S 




hotographer 



LEW M°GAliY & CO, 

TVHOLESALi: 

DUOR MERCHANTS, 

322 and 324 FROST STREET, 

FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 

,COFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

ipping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

1U and 13 2 Front Street, 

ALSO 

3AMENTO, Stockton and Los Angeles 



Km 



MERRIMAN'S 




0)101 



FLAGRANT 



iper Heidsieckl 

CHAMPAGNE! 

HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

£14 California >i.. Ban i nmri-.m, cnl. 



f 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior ! " 

O. Z I 1ST 1ST S , 

FASHIONABLE TAILOR, 
\o, .*, Montgomery Street (Hasonle Temple), 

a uj fi- w - o 



COLTON 



For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOR SALE 111 til llltl I.I.ISIS. 



SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 

WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front anil Jaekson streets, 
SAX FRANCISCO. 



E. MARTI N & Co. 

Importers and Wholesale Liquor Peak r*. 
"HILTON .1. HARDY." 

"J. F. CUTTER," 
anil "MILLER'S EXTRA" 

Old Ironrhon tvliiskles. 

408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



C3 (~"t ~pq- -r- -T- rp r7 3 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOECHTING, SHAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 

EICHAEDS & HARBISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
N. YY. Corner SANSOME and Ml It I'll \l(i Streets. San Francisco. 



k 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonic ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY & CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. F., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



fliANOfl Hazelton Bros 

First Class, \ 
Medium Price, A ~j 



FULL VALUE I I 

FOB TOTIB MONlyA/ 



HALLET[& CUMSTOIN, 

jM. BENHAM, 

CHASES. EATON. 
647 fjMarket Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 




Sole Agents for 0. Conrad & Oo"s 

^BUDWEISER BEER* ) 

WHOLESALE DEALERS I1T 




321 MONTGOMERY STREET, San Francisco, Gal. 

Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 



DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

th without pain.) 
HAVE BEHOVED TO 

P h e I a n's 

Rutins G, 



Building, 

and 10, 



entrance, 806 Market street. 




Ilr. CIIAS «. 


DECILES, Dentist, 


EDWARD E. 


OSBOKN. 


Solicitor of 


Patents, 


(American and 


Foreign,) 


320 CALIFORNIA STREET 


Correspondents in tVashitifrton, Lomlon, Victoria, 


Australia, Montreal, Berlin, U 


rmnjiilu, UeXlOO. 




^~^gjj V FRAN Cl s£0^ 

FINE OLD TABLE WINES. 



House A^oi'th. ' s 



Photographs 

'" The nljrliest Slandard of Exeollenee, 1' 
"5 MONTGOIWERYCrrST R e'etT 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

Tlie Prize Boot and Shoe Maker, 

M 
H 

W 

H 




ttST Received awards of CALIFORNIA 
STATE AGR1C1LT1RAL SOCIETY : also, 
MECHANICS - INSTITUTE, for the Rest Work, 
ninnsliiii. 



MEUSSDORFFER'S HATS ARE "THE" STYLES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



BUY TOUR SHIRTS AND UNDERWEAR OF CAWV1AW. 25 KEARNY STREET. 



L & E. EMANUEL, 

StJOOESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manufacturers, Wholesale and Retail Dealers 
in every Description of 

Furniture ^d Bedding. 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 



SAULMANN'ri 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon, 

German Bakery and Confectionery, 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, yan Francis* o. 
Fresh Bread delivered every day and cakes 
made to Order- Sole agent tor RUSSIAN CAV- 
IAR and WESTPHALIA HAMS German 

A. iidimiii:. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

DEI MOSJOPOLE (extra), 

L. KOEDEKER (.sweet and <lry>, 

lllliri A t IIANKOV. 
VEUVE CUCttVOT, 

For sale by A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYE "WORKS. 

(John F. Snow & Co.) 

13- Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

6SS Market Street, Palace Hotel. 

No Branch Office in San Francisco. 

Ladles' a Gents' Suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs, 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dyed without shrinking. 
tills. J. HOLMES, Prop. 




WILLIAM F. SMITH M. D., 

(Oculist.) 

FORMERLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET, HAS 
removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 M. to 3 p. M. [Elevator. 




HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWERY WEST OF ST. LOUIS. 



JOHN WIELAND. 



Proprietor 



olters Brothers & Co 

Importers and Dealers in 

Wines and Liquors 

221 California Street. San Francison 



Francisco Daneri. Henry Casanova 

F . DANEBI & Co., 

Dealers in 
WINES, LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

3J ami 39 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drumm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



JAN fRANCISCOQTOCK DREWERY. 

Corner of Powell 

ANT) 

Francisco Streets 

Telephone 9012. 



Capital Stock 

$200,000. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
the Pacific Coast. 



OUR LAGER BEER BREW- 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATF.. 




1I0I.PH MOHR, Secretary. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

Nos. 114 and 110 Market street, 
\os. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. MACDONALD, President. 

Enterprise Mill& Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Doors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

317 to 335 Spear St., 31810 330 Stuart st. 

San Francisco, Cal.. 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THE 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant. 

THE HANDSOMEST DINING-ROOM 

In the World. 

Win. F. HARRISON, Manager. 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NUNAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 



WILLIAMS, DIMOND & CO. 

SHIPPING and 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

JUNCTION MARKET AND PINS STREETS 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. S. CO. : 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Cu- 
nard Royal Mail S S. Co. ; the Hawaiian Line 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited) 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the Bald 
win Locomotive Wnrlrn; the Glasgow Iron Co. 
N^h. Afhtnn &P '« ' " 



+ 



^ PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION 
^ \ IN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES 



+ 



Natural 

Cbaipgne 




DRY AND EXTRA DRY 

530 WASHINGTON ST S.F! CAL. 

B^None Genuine unless "bearing; nur i*sitne on L^bi-l and Cork . 



THE ONLY PRODUCERS 
OF NATURAL 
SPARKLING 

WINES 
ON THE 
PACIFIC 
COAST 










KOHLER & FROHLING 

3.E.C0R 
S.F. 



h 626. ; P_NTGQWlEgY : ST.8L.S.E,COR.SUTTEfi_&0UP.ONT- l STS,-. > 




L. P. DEGEN, Maker 



PHEfeBELT||P 

ifJ' 1 JrSteiniiiiiK "■-.:-^ V'l\r' 



Water Frooi Leather Belting. 
13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 

A. FINKE'S WIDOW 





s 



CD 
-p 
U 

O 




CELEBKATKIi CALIFORNIA 



MPAGN 



CH A 
Pure, delicious and healthful. Lm, 

809 tloVK.OHCirj St., San Frnneiseo. 

H . N . COOK, 

Manufacturer of 

OAK-TAN NED 

LEATHER BELTING & HOSE. 

405 MARKET STREET, 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

know manning's 

Oyster Grotto. 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MOR ROW:; & CO., 

Hay, firain and Commission Mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS„ S. F 



Bonesteil, Allen & Co , 

IMPORTERS of 

IF -A. UP IE "El 



The Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed on the racitir 
Coast. 

Office 
400 Sacramento Street, 

San Feancisco. 



OF ALL KINDS. 



n:: and 415 San some St, 



CALIFORNIA 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Kehncry, Eighth and Brannnn streets. 

OLAUS SPEEOKEL8 President 

J. D. SPBEOKELS Vice-Preident 

A. B. SPBEOKELS Secretary 

THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN FBANCISCO. 

Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including Loaf Sugar for export. 

1. linn rial: LOW, President 
Oiliec— 208 California street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 







TRADE 



/?* 



MARK. 



^STANDARD LEATHER BELTING, A - 



O. COOK &. SON, 

415 MARKET STBEET, S. F. 



^VOL. 10. 



yt°3^. 




£*/&/&/) /?rr//£ MSr CW7CS /?r^Mft?/!vasc0 C/ti W0 Jm/rrf0 /v/p Tty/y&/>7>fS/0A' ry/zftt/G// 7Wr ,W/tS 47~ SeCOWa Cii9SS 4/9 ^£5 




T HB 3L--A-TS G-TTSTAVB 3DOE3E 



THE WASP 



THE EDITOR'S PLAGUE. 



Of such as know despair or woe 

I claim a fellow feeling, 
For torments keen for years have been 

My life's enjoyment stealing. 
My hair from black has turned, alack, 

A sort of dingy mixture, 
And furrows now upon my brow 

Are seemingly a fixture. 

Though ailing, still, I'm hardly ill — 

The truth needs no distoition — 
An appetite by no means slight 

Is, happily, my portion. 
No sudden checks in mining "specs " 

Have made me thus dejected. 
With loose affairs in stocks and shares 

I've never been connected. 

It isn't drink, as people think, 

That makes me seem so shaken, 
And those who say I walk each day 

Disguised, are quite mistaken. 
No dun awaits about my gates, 

With sheriff 's writs to hand me, 
Nor am I racked by any act 

Of evil, understand me. 

On horrors bent, with ears attent, 

Come round, I'll glut you vastly, 
(Slow music, please) my breast I'll ease 

Of terrors grim and ghastly. 
(The lights subdue— they should be blue 

To satisfy the croakers) 
And let me say that night and day 

I'm haunted — and by jokers? 

It thrills me now to tell you how 

These fiendish jokers jog me, 
For, hapless soul, a perfect shoal 

Perpetually dog me. 
My steps they trace from place to place 

With terrible precision, 
And jokes in hosts succeeding posts 

Discover to my vision. 

Whenever I emerge to try 

And find a theme to write on, 
Some joking elf my wretched self 

Immediately will light on. 
For hours he'll gloat o'er anecdote 

Which he considers witty, 
While I remain with fevered brain 

An object marked for pity. 

He sometimes cloaks his little jokes 

In many words on paper, 
And then with glee he brings to me 

His idiotic vapor. 
He'll say the while with placid smile, 
" You're free my friend to use it ; 
I think you'll find there's more behind, 

If only you'll peruse it." 

Within my breast, with all the zest 

That's felt by thorough haters, 
I cultivate a deadly hate 

Against all joke-relators. 
I'd make it hot for all the lot : 

The race I'd wholly smother ; 
I'd make them— well, I'd make them tell 

Their jokes to one another ! 

San Francisco, Feb. 10, 1883. 



OUR BOASTED HISTORIAN, 

This paper has frequently affirmed — and been 
alone in affirming— that Mr. Hubert H. Bancroft, 
of this city, is a literary impostor, in so far as 
claiming as his own the work of others can make 
him one ; that he is in no right and recognized 
sense the author of the historical works put forth 
under his name. The other newspapers of the city 
appear to have so little care for literature that 
their favor to the imposture can be commanded 
by the payment of so much per line for publication 
of criticisms of Mr. Bancroft's work written by 
the authors of Mr. Bancroft's books — who certainly 
ought to know something of their quality. As 
showing that" our hostility to this daring decep- 
tion is beginning to attract support, we re-publish 



a letter to the New York Evening Post from Mr, 
Charles H. Phelps, late proprietor of The Galifor- 
nian (now The Overland Monthly), of this city: 

Snt : The admirable review of Mr. Hubert Howe 
Bancroft's " History of Central America, " which 
appeared in your issue of January 27th, was neces- 
sarily kept within a criticism on the volume itself. 
But it seems to me that the time has come when a 
word should be said as to the methods employed 
by that author in the manufacture of the books 
which bear his name." 

Some years since when it was announced that 
Mr. H.H. Bancroft, a sccessful bookseller and sta- 
tioner of San Francisco, was collecting all availa- 
ble material relating to the history of the Pacific 
Coast, the work was justly looked upon as one of 
great public spirit. At that time Mr. Bancroft was 
not known to have written anything, or if he had 
his writings were so inconsiderable as to escape 
observation. By careful attention to the details of 
an exacting business he had acquired a competence, 
and, so far as the public could judge, he now pro- 
posed to make a collection which should be of value 
to the historian, whenever the latter appeared. 

Upon the publication of " The Native Races 
of the Pacific Coast " the general reader learned 
for the first time of Mr. Bancroft's literary 
aspirations, and the citizens of San Fran- 
cisco felt a natural surprise at the capabilities of 
one who could devote all his waking hours to the 
stationery trade and yet produce five ponderous 
volumes in so short a time. A vague and evasive 
explanation that Mr. Bancroft was "assisted" by 
a number of collators and indexers was, however, 
accepted as sufficient. But of late those who have 
been interested in literary matters on the Pacific 
Coast have come to know that the part which Mr. 
Bancroft has played has been simply that of Mae- 
cenas, now trying to plume himself in the laurels 
of Horace. 

Mr. Bancroft's library is situated on Valencia 
street, in San Francisco, the width of the city from 
the book and stationery store where he spends his 
time. At the latter place is carried on an exten- 
sive and complicated business, including, besides 
the departments mentioned, others for priniing, 
lithographing, book-binding, law-publishing, etc., 
at the head of which, any business day, directing, 
signing checks, managing the innumerable details, 
Mr. Bancroft may be seen. At the Valencia street 
library there are, to be sure, a number of persons 
collating and indexing. But more important than 
that, there are two or three gentlemen and one 
lady engaged in writing the histories which bear 
Mr. Bancroft's name. It is not denied that what 
they write is submitted to Mr. Bancroft, who is a 
sort of managing editor to the bureau which he 
has founded. But I am credibly informed that 
that page after page goes into print without a mark 
or interlineation by Mr. Bancroft. That he could 
not at the same time write histories in such vo- 
luminous and rapid succession and attend to the 
multifarious affairs of a large and complex busi- 
ness is self-evident. Four or five different histories 
on different sections of the coast, such as Oregon, 
Utah, California, etc., are in course of simulta- 
neous production, each section being taken by a 
different writer. That these facts are deliberately 
suppressed and that the real authors, unknown and 
underpaid, are passed with a slurring acknowledge- 
ment simply intended to quiet those who know the 
facts, are sufficient reasons why those facts should 
be published. Mr. Bancroft deserves great credit 
for the expenditure of large sums of money in col- 
lecting valuable historical material. Governor 
Stanford deserves great credit for his munificence 
in providing the means by which instantaneous 
photography was carried on, and by which Dr. 
Stillman was enabled to observe the movements of 
the horse and to publish his work on the habits of 
that animal. But if Governor Stanford, not con- 
tent with being the patron, had endeavored to as- 
sume to himself the discovery and the authorship 
of the book, common honesty would have cried 
out "Hands off!" Men's time and services are 
for sale, but literary reputation cannot be bought 
or sold. 

Again : In the publication of his bureaurocratic 
histories Mr. Bancroft displays remarkable thrift, 
and the habits of the methodical business man still 
cling to him. For several months prior to the ap- 
pearance of the volume just noted by you the 
newspapers of San Francisco were approached by 
his agents with offers of articles containing " infor- 
mation " as to the forthcoming volumes, and with 
intimations that favorable notices would be lib- 
erally rewarded. The only magazine published on 



the Pacific Coast contained a long article lauding 
Mr. Bancroft, from the pen of a lady employed in 
his bureau. Similar articles have appeared else- 
where, emanating from the author of the book 
about to be published and his employees. So little 
did Mr. Bancroft conceal this fact that he person- 
ally assured the writer that he was willing to pay 
quite liberally for favorable reviews in any re- 
spectable paper, not thinking or knowing, appa- 
rently, that respectable papers were just those with 
which such a bargain could not be made. 

Such have been the means employed in the pro- 
duction and publication of this work, and it is to 
be regretted that one who by such fair means as 
establishing a valuable collection of historical 
books and documents has become entitled to 
great praise, should be so lustful of renown as to 
adopt unfair means to obtain it. 

Charles H. Phelps. 

New York, January 29, 1SS3. 



AN ERROR IN THE RECORDS. 



He came in to see the editor of the Wasp to 
complain about having been made the subject of a 
real nice, stem-winding, nickle-plated little joke. 

"I don't care a pin about such things in them- 
selves," he explained, rather loftily, "but, sir, my 
wife and daughter read your paper, and I do not 
choose to be made ridiculous in the eyes of my 
own family." 

"But surely you are not married!?" said the 
editor, with an exclamation point in one eye and a 
note of interrogation in the other. 

"Yes, lam married; and I don't choose " 

"Bless my soul !" cried the editor, " there has- 
been some terrible mistake here ! Let me see — 
your name is ? " 

" Jollup, sir, Jollup. You ought to know ; you 
have been making very free with it, and I don't 
choose " 

" Jollup, yes, of course, Jollup, — but your given 
name ; your initials ? " 

"Henry S. Jollup, attorn ey-at-law, 16,094 
Montgomery street, up stairs. There's my card, 
and I'll thank you to remember next time whom 
you are not to attack." 

Editor ostentatiously draws a blank memoran- 
dum book from a pigeonhole and thoughtfully con- 
sults it. Then putting his lips to the mouthpiece 
of a speaking-tube connected with the brick par- 
tition wall before him, he calls out in a stento- 
rian voice : 

"Jones, look at page 374, of volume 700, Citi- 
zens' Family Kecords — it's in Bookcase 51 — and 
see if Henry S. Jollup has been entered in the 
Immunity Column on account of having a wife and 
daughters. If there has been an error in trans 
cribing his name from the List of Exempt Hus- 
bands and Privileged Papas see that it is corrected 
at once, and discharge our Domiciliary Inspector in 
that district and the Engrosser of Domestic Mem- 
oranda. We can't afford to pay out sixteen, thou- 
sand dollars a year for family history and then 
pitch into a married man with nine small children 
and one at the breast. You hear ? 

"You see, Mr. Jollup," continued the editor, 
dropping the speaking tube and smiling blandly 
upon his visitor, "there are so many men of your 
name getting married and having grown-up daugh- 
ters in the last year or two that our mightiest ef- 
forts to keep track of all the circumstances are 
sometimes unavailing. Some slight error will 
creep into our records, and and a man whom we 
have derided or cri ticised will turn out to have a back- 
action attachment of twenty or thirty female souls 
into which our iron has deeply sunk ! But we mean 
well — nobody means as well as we do, and, God 
willing, it shall be out proudest boast and divinest 
consciousness that we never speak with levity or 
dispraise of a man who has wives and daughters. 
How many wives did you say that you had, Mr. 
Jollup 1 " 

But that worthy had skipped. 



She was one of those nervous, fidgety sort of 
women who get up on a chair to thread a needle, 
and when she swallowed a lively fly with her rasp- 
berries on Wednesday last the neighbors thought 
that the Fourth of July had arrived twenty-four 
hours too soon. Freedom, during the primest days 
of Kosciusko, never shrieked with greater velocity 

than she did. 

» ^-* 

The man who transformed universal suffrage into 
universal suffering builded better than he knew. 



THE WASP. 



3 



THE CAPITAL OF THE COMMONWEALTH.— V. 



Special < 'orbespondi hi eoi mi 



t$at rami >■<■■, /'•/,. /."., 1888, 
I forgot to mention in my last letter that my 
cousin, Senator Gilhooly, is in town. By ;i strange 
oversight the Senator's movements have escaped 
the notice of the fashionable heralds, and the 
omission from the Wasp of a notice of his visit to 
tin- Capital was aggravated by the absence of any 
reference to him from last Tuesday's Call. The 
journalistic dereliction was all the more culpable 
as the Senator's absence from the hop at Lanni- 
fcn's Tannery last week was sufficient notification 
that he had temporarily withdrawn from the fash- 
ionable circles of Brannan street. He was very 
much depressed on Tuesday when I handed him 
Bte Call at lunch and he found that his absence 
from the metropolis had been regarded as an 
vent unworthy of notice. The object of the 
Senator's visit, I may state, was to dissuade Sena- 
tors Dougherty and Keeting and a few other rep- 
resentatives of the patriotism of our noble city, 
from resenting the familiar advances of Mr. Stow 
and his railroad hirelings by some act that should 
bring them into conflict with the law. Desiring to 
raise the depressed spirits of the .Senator, I invited 
him up to the Capital to listen for an hour or so to 
the fervered eloquence of Senator Felcher on the 
sin of giving some slab-sided spinster, or razor- 
edged grass-widow, a clerkship at thirty-five dol- 
lars a week and free apartments, when more buxom 
females of less dubious immorality can scarcely 
earn that sum in a month and have to incur the 
additional hardship of paying their own room 
rents. The Senator gladly accepted the invitation, 
and together we visited the Capital. Unfortu- 
nately, however, Senator Filcher was not in a 
speaking mood. The fruition of his eloquence had 
dried up in the fever of his anxiety to describe how 
he could charge §15 mileage on an official trip to 
San Francisco costing §.*i, and yet hold undisputed 
possession of the pedestal of economy on which he 
poses as the idol of the provident Democracy. 
Leaving the Senator in the agony of his antago- 
nistic feelings as a citizen and a reformer, we wan- 
dered over the Capital and into a large committee 
room, where we found some half dozen large por- 
traits thrown carelessly against the wall as if the 
artist stricken by remorse had frantically daubed 
them from the easel before committing sui- 
cide by swallowing his palette knife. My 
first impression was that the Sacramento po- 
lice had made the room the nucleus of a rogues' 
gallery, but that idea was removed by a closer ob- 
servation of the rich frames that enclosed the pic- 
torial atrocities. The subjects of the paintings 
were also too close to the venerable in age to have 
contributed to the honors of a rogues 1 gallery, for 
on the evidence of their looks alone they would 
have been hanged thirty years before the artistic 
misanthrope who selected them for the perpetua- 
tion of his crime had wreaked his vengeance upon 
them. My cousin, the Senator, thought that the 
portraits were an advertisement of the San Fran- 
cisco wax-work show, and in support of his belief 
pointed out the strong resemblance to Kelly the 
Australian bushranger, which was borne by one 
dark and bearded bandit with an eye like an auger, 
and a lip like a righting badger. While we were 
disputing as to whether the contiguous portrait 
was that of Orsini or Judas Iscariot, the clerk of 
the Committee dropped in, and dazed the Senator 
with the information that the the supposed high- 
wayman was none other than ex-Governor Perkins, 
and the typical cut-throat next to the compounder 
of Sunday school homilies, the urbane ex-Governor 
Pachco. As for me, having spent four weeks in 
observation of the Legislature, I was prepared to 
bear anything, and was not even moved by addi- 
tional intelligence that the intention is to hang 
the pictures on the walls of the Capitol (inside at 
that), so that the generation to come may see what 
manner of men first left the imprint of their fingers 
on the treasury of the State. 

In this connection it is a consoling thought that 
there are still some rights left us, and that even 
the most humble artizen cannot be dragged from 
the grateful seclusion of his family circle to fill the 
Governor's chair, if he throw himself behind the 
broad shield of the Constitution. I think the sight 
of those half dozen ex-Governors preserved in oil 
has cured the Senator of his long cherished desire 
to lead the State ticket to victory some day, and I 
noticed when later we met Chris. Buckley going 
down to his bar in the cellar, that the Senator 



saluted him with extra dignity, and stiffly d 
an invitation to drink. u 
favorable to the ornamentation of th< 
with appropriate works of art, and 1 woul 
fully waste thi of my pen n. 

bill appropriating hah a million dollars for half 
■ works of surpassing merit. The pictures 
might represent fche ideas and culture ol our own 
day. We illicit have one splendid canvas e 
ing above the President a chair in the Sena 
illustrating the dignity of the mod. 
statesmanship 




With Senator Dougherty as the model of intellec- 
tual and moral grandeur. The artist could catch 
the Senator's ennobled expression at the moment 
when he is deliberating whether the interests ,f 
the State would be farthest advanced by attending 
Con Mooney's cock-fight, or playing the toga clad 
statesman from the Potrero a game of pedro for 
the beer. In connection of the great struggle be- 
tween the people and the gigautic corporations 
that menace the stability of Democratic govern- 
ment and the integrity of State rights a noble fres- 
co emblematic of the rail transportation problem 




Might be spread across the Senate Chamber. Sena- 
tor^Cronan, by virtue of his prominence in the late 
railroad legislation, would have the right to figure 
conspicuously in the great work which could show 
the scope of transportation as understood by the 
Senator's constituents, one of which is outlined in 
the accompanying sketch. The beauty of this 
painting could be enhanced by a companion pic- 
ture entitled the "Statesman's Return, " 




in I. «'lialf of th 
citizens, Stanford, Crocker a Co. If, after the 
these works, there w«-r*- any wealth 
or any energy in the arti 
th' 1 State, the frold and the genius should 

lining in paint the evil remembrance 
oi the oleomargarine lobbyist who slinks through 
the holla of legial&tio covetous glan 

th*- fat contractors and inflated lobbyists. Unlike 
(lis tribe, his dearth of morality is not due 
ace of cheek. The odiousness of his 
calling seems ■■>> have deprived him of impudence 
as weE and he steals through the long 

■ raid that any dark eorm-r may 
give up of his bull-hotter firkins. In 

- -knlks behind a pillar, 




And is only enticed from his ambush by the bark 
of some uuchurned cur in the street, or the hollow 
cough of the asthmatic porter in the gallery. His 
sunken eyes, and his nervous apprehension of 

everything that does not afford a hope of its im 

diate conversion into marketable grease, denote 
the completeness of his isolation from the realm 
of human sympathy, and the overshadowing i 
nitude of his terror, lest by some mischaiu-L- he m > . 
be made to absorb some of his own nostiness. 

Pekcival Gilhoom * 



A SCENE AT THE PALACE HOTEL. 



And exhibiting the effusive admiration of the con- 
stituents of Senator Wallis, of Nevada County, for 



Brown. — H'lo, Jones ! 

Jokes -H'lo ! What you doing with somebody's 
gripsack ? 

Bin >WN. — Going to Monterey — excursion. G*- 
long ? 

Jokes. — Heaven forbid ! I've just sent my c ml 
up to Mrs. Green, and am waiting for the portej 
to return with an answer. How can I go to Mon 
terey ? 

BROWN — My dear fellow the train will start in 
three quarters of an hour. Ticket good for three 
weeks. Plenty time. Go change your tojs and 
come along, 

Jokes. — No you don't. I've been bitten that 
way before. Last time our friend Front took up 
my card at this hotel I wiled away the time by go- 
ing to Sacramento, and on my return I found that 
the black rascal had got down an hour before and 
given the answer to a bald-headed old galoot, and 
had forgotten what it was. He remembere t the 
elderly party as having sent up a card in the days 
of his youth and supposed he was entitled to ; n 
answer. 

Bkown — Of course you found out what the an' 
swer was. 

JONES. — It took me all summer. The lady ha 1 
said she didn't want to see me. Bet I don't miss 
any more calls by trying to kill time. I camp 
right here and catch my message on the fly. 
Write me what kind of a time you are having. 

Brown. — Done. Address you here, I s'pose 
Got your blankets I 

Jones. — 'Course. Ta-ta 1 
Brown.— 'Bye ! Exit Brown. 



A young Brooklyn husband ludn't finished half 
a dozen chapters of a work on geology before In- 
observed to his wife : " My dear, I wonder if the 
women of the glacial epoch had colder feet than 
you."— Schaft's Saturday Night. 

" Heaven lies about us in our infancy" aayj 
Wordsworth, but it is this world that lies about us 
wdien ve grow up and run for office 



THE WASP 



SATURDAY, - - FEBRUARY 17, 1883. 



PUBLISHED EVERT SATURDAY, AT MO AND 5*3 CALI- 
FORNIA ST., BELOW KEARNY, BY 

E. C. MACFARLANE & CO., 

Proprietors and Publishers. 

TEEMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: 

One copy, one year, or 52 numbers S5 00 

One copy, six months, or 26 numbers 2 50 

One copy for thh-teen weeks 125 

Postage free to all parts of the United States, Canada 
and British Columbia. 

The country trade supplied by the San Francisco News 
Company. 

All Postmasters are authorized to take subscriptions 
for the Wasp, payable invariably in advance. 

The following agents are authorized to receive subscrip- 
tions and advertisements for the Wasp: In Merced, 
Fresno, Tulare and Kern counties, Capt. J. W. A.Wright. 
D. G. Waldron, General Traveling Agent. 

No questionable advertisements inserted in this journal. 

We are now in the middle of February and have 
not had a quarter of the rainfall that is required. 
We may have the rest and we may not — no one 
can say. If not we shall have a water famine in 
this city, and a water famine means imminent 
danger of the destruction of the city by fire. The 
movement to compel the Water Company to pro- 
tect the city is honest and sincere. It originated 
with the insurance companies, but their interest 
in the matter, amounting to $185,042,1175, is 
comparatively small. The value of the property 
uninsursd is immensely greater. Moreover, we do 
hot want our city destroyed for the insurance 
money. We have taken some pains to ascertain 
the feeling among underwriters, and in every case 
have found the liveliest apprehension as to the fu- 
ture. By the representatives of several foreign 
companies we are assured that unless some practi- 
cal solution of the question can be found they will 
refuse further risks and eventually their compa- 
nies will withdraw their agencies altogether. If 
then the local companies, whose risks already ag- 
gregate $5,100,251, continue doing business here, 
which is doubtful, they will greatly advance their 
rates, and being unable to re-insure their risks, 
will themselves be bankrupted by a general confla- 
gration, and their policy holders get nothing. The 
current rates of insurance were not established in 
contemplation of such peril as is now before us. A 
factor in determining them was the Water Com- 
pany's promise to increase the capacity of its mains 
and connect the Crystal Springs reservoir directly 
with the city — which it now flatly refuses to do, 
for the reason that it has no longer a voice in de- 
termining its rates, and therefore no assurance of 
a just return for the necessary outlay ; because it 
iB subjected to exceptional taxation ; because the 
present municipal officers are pledged to a reduc- 
tion of its income ; because its bills overdue are 
unpaid, the money twice appropriated for their 
payment having been coolly applied to other pur- 
poses and characteristically stolen. 

This is a matter that will not stand aside ; it too 
nearly concerns every man, woman and child in 
this town. That the Water Company must make 
the necessary improvements is beyond question ; 
that it must bear the immediate expense our im- 
poverished treasury does not permit us to doubt. 
But it should receive some assurance against the 
practical confiscation, not only of the money so in- 
vested, but of its present plant and franchise. We 
are not enamored of monopolies and corporations, 
but this one, sinner that it is, has been pretty 



badly treated. For example, it has gone to great 
expense in increasing the capacity of its reservoirs 
and mains and for hydrants, with no other object 
than the protection of the city from fire. It is 
evident that the less water that is used in extin- 
guishing fires the stronger is the testimony to the 
adequacy of these precautions. Yet, under the 
present law, the Company, if ever paid at all for 
this service, must be paid by the measured gallon. 
Nothing could be more idiotically dishonest. A 
parallel swindle, though with another set of vic- 
tims, is the system of compelling rate-payers to 
bear the whole burden of water payment, while 
the mere property owners, with vastly greater in- 
terest in the security of the city from fire, pay 
practically nothing. While John Smith, an artisan 
occupying a rented house, is taxed say four dollars 
monthly for water, such firms as Murphy, Grant & 
Co., Levi Strauss & Co. and Wellman, Peck & 
Co., carrying stocks of goods worth hundreds of 
thousands of dollars in buildings worth as much 
more, pay a dollar and six bits. The cheerful 
land-grabber who lets his lots lie unimproved, 
while better men enhance their value by building 
all about them, pays not a nickel. This, however, 
is a matter for future amending ; the question for 
immediate consideration by our city officials is how 
to prevent the town from becoming an ash-heap 
without violating their pledge to be as dishonest as 
they can. 



The Railroad has been beaten badly, and on its 
own ground. Through its creature, Lieutenant- 
Governor Daggett, it succeeded in packing two im- 
portant Senate committees, that on Corporations 
and that on Federal Relations. To the latter of 
these was referred the Del Yalle resolution me- 
morializing Congress against the "consolidation " 
scheme, and the Committee obediently made an 
adverse report. Nevertheless, the Senate promptly 
passed the resolution, and it went to Washington 
as California's protest against the giant swindle. 
The passage of the Barry bill by the Assembly was 
another knock-down blow. The bill is now before 
the Senate, and a powerful Railroad lobby, headed 
by le Due de Sac, Mr. W. W. Stow, is campaign- 
ing against it, but there is every prospect that it 
will go through. These disasters, actual and pros- 
pective, have stricken the stiffiening from the Rail- 
road pride, and Mr. A. N. Towne is bending his 
corrigible back and parting his coat-tails before 
the Commissioners, begging them not to kick too 
hard. But Mr. Pixley, not having received the 
new mandate of supplication, openly charges a 
former Governor of the State with dishonesty, 
affirming with the shameless effrontery of the old 
bullying regime that he didn't ' ' stay bought. " We 
think Mr. Pixley's whip will crack with a milder 
explosion pretty soon, and that his tongue, long 
familiar with the flavor of Mr. Stanford's boots, 
will have an opportunity to compare with it that of 
the people's sturdy brogans. 



The Joint Committee on Commerce and Naviga- 
tion have refused to make any report of their in- 
vestigation of the Harbor and Pilot Commissions, 
but Messrs. Coleman, Lynch, Hughes and Cal- 
laghan have submitted a report severely condemn- 
ing the management and methods of the two Com- 
missions, urging that they be deposed and recom- 
mending a material reduction of pilot charges. 
This report affirms what the testimony proves — the 
existence of grave abuses in both departments of 
the public service, the prostitution of ex-Governor 
Perkins' prerogatives to their perpetuation and a 
characteristically thievish condition of things gen- 
erally. If Senator Lynch could have had his way 
the investigation would have had a wider scope 
and the report a sturdier significance ; but he was 



unable to make head against the interested apathy 
of his colleagues, and it was only by subordinating 
his own vigorous wishes to the mild intent of his 
colleagues that he was able to get any result at all 
out of an investigation that was born without a 
heart, lived without a purpose and died unshrivem 
But a half-loaf is better than no bread, and if the 
Legislature will carry out the recommendations of 
the four members whom the Perkins-Goodall crowd 
could not capture the investigation will not have; 
been wholly in vain. 



Ever since the dastardly double murder iffl 
Phcenix Park, Dublin, the Irish press in this coun- 
try has been openly glorifying in the incorruptible 
fidelity of the Irish people to "the cause," and 
"pointing with pride" to the circumstances that 
although many people in Dublin must have known 
the assassins no one would turn informer. To this 
kind of detestable talk we have all had to listen 
at times, even from the lips of "Irish-American" 
gentlemen who, flatly accused of sympathizing 
with murder, would have indignantly resented the 
charge. (An Irish-American gentleman, by tha 
way, is commonly ninety parts Irish, nine parts 
American and one part gentleman.) Now crops 
out the usual Queen's evidence and "gives the] 
whole thing away," an incident that every man 
having knowledge of the Irish character has been 
confidently expecting. Ireland is the land of the] 
"informer;" it is the only country in the world] 
where that word has a special and limited signifi- 
cation. It is a word which has no equivalent in 
any modern language. It "smacks of the soil." 
Conspirators "peach" and the accomplices "squeal," 
the world over, but you must go to Ireland to find 
the "informer"; and having found him you may 
enjoy his companionship on the return vovage. 



During the progress of the Appropriation Bill an 
effort was made to reduce the allowance of the! 
Viticultural Commission from $20,000 to $10,000,1 
but it was promptly defeated. That is right. 
What the taxpayers of this State need is morel 
Commissions with larger appropriations. The main 
function of Government, as we have the happiness 
to understand the matter, is to promote every! 
man's business at the expense of every other man's. 
We are sorry to observe a niggardly tendency to 
limit the application of this noble theory to only 
two or three hundred of the leading industries— 
that is, to those which are already so prosperous 
and profitable as to have attracted attention and 
sympathy. Viticulture and orticulture hare now 
" fostered " twice : once as viticulture and horti- 
culture and once as agriculture. This is ingenious 
and praiseworthy. Mining enjoys the advantage 
of a State " school, " a museum and a salaried 
showman. The lawyers, good souls, are supplied 
with a library at the public expense ; that is to say 
the carpenter and the blacksmith are generously 
permitted to furnish the lawyer with the tools of 
his useful trade. The preacher business is profit- 
ably carried on in shops that are exempted from 
taxation. The banks and insurance companies are 
encouraged to declare themselves solvent and safe 
every few months through their respective Com- 
missions, whom we pay to advertise them. Even 
the interests of the tooth-carpenter are tenderly 
cared for by the Commonwealth : there is a Den- 
tal Department in the State University. All this 
is good so far as it goes, but it is clear that so long 
as there remains one industry or interest that is 
not permitted to thrust both arms into the public 
treasury once a year we have not satisfactorily 
solved that ultimate problem of Republican institu- 
tions : how to live entirely off one another, all sup- 
ported by the State in the style to which we have 
been accustomed. 



THE WASP. 



PRATTLE. 



I have not seen the current number of the Lon- 
lon Quarterly Ii< ri>:iv, liut the Bulletin of Saturday 
ast reprinted from it some culdly just criticism of 
he literary work of Messrs. W, D. Howells and 
Henry James, Jr. Tliese two eminent triners and 
■;iiiu'it cutters-in-chief to Her Littleness the Bos- 
;onese small virgin, have fur some years been the 
tekuowledged leaders of American literature, 
fheir measureless, meaningless and unimaginative 
novels, destitute of plot, destitute of purpose, des- 
titute nf art, are staple subjects of discussion in 
lOteries of the "cultured.'" One may not have 
road Homer, Goethe or Hugo, but let him look to 
himself if he have not studied James. One may 
venture to fall ill of Scott, but woe betide the 
luckless wight unwell of too much Howells. For 
there shall arise a soft-eyed Creature of the Craze 
and slay him in the midst of tumultuous applause. 



Hawthorne, Bryant, Emerson, Longfellow — 
these are dead and damned. Whittier, Lowell, 
Holmes— they speak to averted understandings. 
These noble names of a golden age amongst whose 
palaces and temples we moved unaware gleam dim 
and spectral in the enchanted moondawn of their 
successors. While yet the sky is all ablaze with 
crimson glories of the day that is done, the orb of 
the new dispensation unveils her fat and foolish 
face and looks over the hills like a man with a 
lantern. Outlined against her disc in transient 
silhouette, behold the figures of this brace of no- 
bodies, complacently enamored of their own invi- 
rility and poring like sponges the vocal incense of 
a valleyful of idiots. 



The conscious swains, rejoicing in the sight, 
Eye the blue vault and bless the useful light, 

But I venture to tell them it is all moonshine — 
that this new literature is the offspring of mental 
incapacity wet-nursed by a conspiracy. The Amer- 
ican literature that is in vogue at any one time is 
the literature of the magazines, the form and di- 
rection being given by the Atlantic Monthly, whose 
editor may easily be a fool, but ex officio he is an 
Olympian deity. Our magazines are the advertis- 
ing circulars of the book-publishers who own them. 
Their function is to ''puff" the books which first 
appeared as serials in their pages. In their pages 
their' writers "puff" one another. In the Atlan- 
tic, for example, the editor, T. B. Aldrich (a nerve- 
less, colorless jelly-fish of literature) will have a long 
laudatory review of W. D. Howells. A few months 
later W. D. Howells will have a long laudatory re- 
view of Henry James, Jr. Later, Henry James, 
Jr., will come to the fore with a long laudatory re- 
view of T. B. Aldrich, and the circle is complete. 
Three dwarfs have towered above the heads of their 
fellow men by standing on one another's shoulders 
in turn. 



finest products of the mill are James and Howells. 
Neither can think and the latter cannot write. Si 
can not write at all. The other day, in fulfillment 
of a promise, I took a random page Of this mans 
work and in twenty minutes had marked forfcj Bole- 
cisms— instances of the use <>f words without a 
sense of their importance or a knowledge of their 
meaning— the substitution of a word that he did 
not want for a word that he did imt think of. Con- 
fusion of thought leads to obscurity of expression. 
Without words there is no thought, only fueling, 
emotion. Words are the mechanism of thought. 
The master knows his machine, and precision is 
nine parts of stylo. This fellow Howells thinks 
into the hopper and the mangled thought comes 
out all over his cranky apparatus in gobs and 
splashes of expression. His loose locutions re- 
semble the clean-cut rhetoric of a master as the 
ropy riddances of a cowfrog resemble the polished 
and definite productions of a lady linnet. 

At the picture sale last week at the rooms of the 
Art Association, the following great paintings re- 
mained unsold. No. O'Jlj : Member of the Assem- 
bly saying to W. W. Stow ; "Infamous corrupter ! 
Leave my presence and the money!" 10IJ4 : War- 
ren Cheney and H. H. Bancroft laying the foun- 
dations of a distinctively Californian literature. 
013 : Hansen burning the midnight oil over 
"the Life and Adventures of Jesse James." 237.r: 
Portrait of Dr. Leversou as Silence. 33x187 : 
Frank Pixley giving a proxy. 21a: : Revolt of 
the Targets; Major General Turnbull uttering the 
memorable words, "Soldiers, from yonder cattle 
pens forty head of Texas steers are criticising this 
stampede !" 7tyy(30)— 4; 11-; ^U ; Collision 
on the Potomac; General Sherman and Charles 
Crocker bumping their pows together trying to 
kiss the same school-girl. 0,000 : Full length 
portrait of the Coroner as "The body of an un- 
known man." 

His teeth were all chattering coldly 
In the Grand Hippodrome Hotel, 

But he registered freely and boldly 
His residence—" Hell." 

Then he pulled out his gun from his pocket 
And bowed to the gorgeous clerk, 

Who paled at beholding him cock it, 
But smiled at its work. 

For the suicide lay as if sleeping 

The sleep of an innocent child 
Whom angels have taken in keeping — 

And the clerk still smiled. 

" What tickles my master ? " the chap said 
Who owned the Hotel Hippodrome. 

" I'm laughing to think how that sap-head 
Stopped here to go home ! " 



the dual on the gubernatorial back with an impact 
like that of Vulean hurled from Olympus to the 
Leinnian coast. "\\ bj did you gel ofl 
General Backus, with that facetious humor which 

prei i mis his being mistaken for a dead .lam. "Be- 
cause," replied the greal warrior, pulling himself 
together "because that damned circus horse was 
going to get on !" 



The public does not "drop on to" this thrifty 
game ; even the press is deluded by it. The At- 
lantic has played it boldly with marked cards since 
its foundation. Harper was quick to emulate, and 
Tlie Century has been taken into full fellowship. 
There is no kind of cheating that this trinity of 
literary blacklegs do not practice : their play un- 
derstands itself all the time. Ladies and gentle- 
men of culture, you have the distinguished honor 
of assisting at it as victims of it. Men and women 
of cultivation are otherwise engaged at another 
table. 



After falling off two or three times His Excel- 
lency began to be a very useful adjunct to the re- 
view as something to bet on. Several thousands of 

dollars changed hands durin-j the da^ on the propu 
sition that he would or wouldn't fall off within a 

stated time ; and the marching was uncom nly 

wild because about every third man in the ranks 
had his eyes averted, looking after his financial in- 
terests. Finally the Governor and his cavalcade 
of Field Marshals halted in front of an undertak- 
er's shop and the famous soldier was lured from 
his saddle by the report that a dead man could be 
seen inside, and an officer who had a wager on his 
sitting powers made himself solid in that regard by 
dishonestly smearing the pig-skin with warm glue. 
The Governor stuck on very well after that, but 
when at the close of the review he dismounted 
in the court yard of the Palace Hotel they had to 
cut away the whole rear elevation of his trousers 
and pin his coat-tails together to conceal the 
wound. 



Charles Crocker was explaining the object of the 
Southern Pacific Railroad Company in its great 
consolidation scheme : 

"It are now," said he, with that heavenly re- 
gard for grammar which serves to distinguish him 
from a horse-block, (t a State corporation; the inter- 
ests of the public requires it to be national," 

"Mr. Crocker," said Judge Q., gravely, ' 
prehend that you mean discriminational." 
Lost. But then it wasn't much of a joke. 



'lap- 



It was Mr. Crocker who was the victim of the 
late John B. Felton's felicitous quotation from 
Macbeth. A number of gentlemen and Mr. 
Crocker were in conversation, and he, relating 
some experience of his own, repeated witli insuffer- 
able frequency the words : "I done it." Felton 
trained his eyes upon him and said in a tone of se- 
rious reproach : "Thou can'st not say I did it." 



An Illinois parson fell dead at the feet of a cou- 
ple whom he had just pronounced husband and 
wife, and the newspapers record it as an " untime- 
ly death." In a few years the husband and wife 
will feelingly aver that it was : he will seem to 
them to have died about thirty seconds too late. 



Out of all this are evolved literary reputations. 
Men of letters manufacture one another. The two 



Governor Stoneman will hold a review of the 
Second Brigade on Washington's birthday. Last 
year it was held by Governor Perkins, and had one 
feature of interest which it will lack this year. The 
Commander-in-Chief had a pretty soft seat in the 
saddle, but it wasn't a firm one. He had been in- 
fantry all his life, at least ever since, as adamboy, 
he had bestridden the broad-backed porker and 
witched the world with noble hogmanship; and 
once, when his horse, striking at a fly, caught its 
hind foot in the stirrup and hopped rather awk- 
wardly, the Commander-in-Chief dismounted in 



The Austrian Court of Appeals has confirmed 
the sentence of the manager of the Ring Theater 
for not providing proper means of egress in case of 
fire. There is a lesson in this which the manager 
of the California Theater would do well to take to 
heart. I don't know that there is any danger of 
fire at his establishment, but there are very inade- 
quate means of escape from his plays. What is 
needed is a series of wide doors opening outwards, 
through which the house can be emptied in three 
minutes from the first warning cry that the cur- 
tain is about to go up. 



The devil, I suspect, is somewhat disturbed by 
the decision of the Austrian Court. His place, too, 
is poorly supplied with means of egress in case of 
fire. 



The "Bible Students" of the Berkeley Univer- 
sity have had a set discussion of the character of 
Joseph. Opinions were as various as the colors in 
the famous variegated coat, but in this chromatic 
medley the unanimous contempt of the female 
members asserted itself like a broad, unbroken 
patch of blazing scarlet. 



THE WASP 



SOCIETY, 



Clementina's Letter, 



Dear Tehama :— Event lias followed close upon 
event in such rapid and bewildering succession that 
it seems but yesterday since my last letter to you. 
Our society people have lived day and night in a 
whirl of delicious excitement and the Island has 
seemed like a sweet poem of fairy land, or a clam 
bake at Saucelito. Glimpses have we caught of 
beauteous faces flashing for brief instants betwixt 
the silken curtains of sedan chairs, their owners 
flitting like fire-flies from reception to candy-pull, 
from German to dime social, from pink domino 
Hula to commerce party, from musicale to poi-poi 
lunch and then chasseeing back again, swinging 
round the circle of festivities like an American 
dowager swinging for a financial pedro, or a tainted 
widow swinging for a rich and guileless husband. 
These, my dear Tehama, are the scenes that greet 
me at every turn, scarcely giving me time to un- 
lace my corsets before I am buttoning my bottines 
for another schiendhig. Speaking of events, how- 
ever, I really must tell you of the most recherche af- 
fair that has fluttered our cercle choisi since the tat- 
tooing of her Royal Highness the Princess Bhridg- 
ghette. I allude to the Tympani given by the 
Hon. Mrs. T. Jinks, the charming consort of the 
Secretary of the American Legation at this place. 
Commodore Harrison had placed his elegant fore 
and aft yacht Colic at the disposal of the lady, 
having known her intimately while she was con- 
vulsing society in San Francisco about a year ago. 
San Francisco society will also have a lasting re- 
collection of Mr. Jinks. He disappeared from 
your city rather suddenly, you will remember, 
about the time that the quarterly assessment of 
the Silent Siren G. and S. M. Co. , was paid in by 
the confiding stockholders. Having done some 
service to the State as Commissary at Yreka during 
the Modoc war, he was rewarded by a grateful Ad- 
ministration with the remunerative appointment 
he now holds with so much honor to a great and 
powerful nation and profit to himself. But reve- 
nons a notre Tympani, and know you, my dear Te- 
hama, that Tympani is the Fijian synonym for 
Kettledrum ; know you also that your "kettle- 
drum" is here considered a misnomer, our best so- 
ciety regarding the entertainments so-called in the 
States as base snares set by artful mammas and 
chaperones to entrap the innocent male virgin of 
the jeunesse, or genus, doree. 

But that is neither here nor there. Our party, 
a numerous and brilliant bevy, assembled at the 
sea-wall at the aj>pointed hour, 3 P. M. , and were 
conveyed across a crystalline sea of heaving azure, 
flashing back its defiance in ruby and opaline darts 
at the tropical sun which dared to pry into the 
deep secrets of its throbbing heart. On rounding 
the Point Minnie Yum Yum (kiss-the-water — 
how poetical these dear natives are !) what a sight 
met our enraptured gaze ! There, in the post-me- 
ridian splendor of a cloudless sky, over the bosom 
of the mighty deep floated the gorgeous bunting of 
our native land — the terror of tyrants — the star 
spangled banner. Beneath the ensign of liberty 
(and appropriations,) like a stormy petrel in a calm 
at sea, floated the Colic, the pride of the gilded 
yachtsman and the wonder of Dan O'Connell. It 
was a sight to make the fortune of a Clark Russell 
or a Warren Cheney — a marine picture that would 
almost write or paint itself. The gallant crew of 
the Colic manned the yards and a military band- 
engaged for the occasion greeted us with the home- 
sick strains of "Yankee Doodle." The ladies of 
our party were swung upon the deck by means of 
a block and tackle, not a very dignified method of 
boarding a yacht, I must confess; but one must 
sometimes sacrifice even propriety at society's be- 
hest. Only one accident occurred to mar the 
pleasures of the occasion. Rear Admiral Yung 
Bee, of the Chinese Turtle fleet, while attempting 
to show us ladies how to climb over the bulwarks 
via the ratlines without using his dainty feet, lost 
his hold and fell "ker-swash" into the briny deep. 
.He was speedily fished out with a boat hook, but 
was inconsolable during the remainder of the 
evening over the loss of his elegant button-hole 
bouquet. 

AYe were ushered into a spacious saloon rendered 
commodious for the occasion by the removal of the 
bunks and partitions separating the Commodore's 
cabin from the forecastle. The salon had been 
handsomely decorated and the effect of the bright 
sunlight flashing through the dead lights set off the 
bits of tastefully contrasted color a n<<:rcetfk, re- 



minding me forcibly of a similar effect produced by 
the sunlight streaming through the chinks of the 
deck of the United States man-of-war Lackawana, 
on the occasion of the hop tendered by the officers 
of that pride of the American navy when she was 
in these waters last summer. The Tympani was a 
superb success in every particular. Our genial 
hostess fairly surpassed herself and added another 
wreath of laurel to her social crown. All the deli- 
cacies of the season were provided, and I assure 
you that our party did full justice to the repast. 
The attendance was all that could be desired, and 
only two plates of marmalade were spilled by the 
waiters, one of which ruined the back breadth of 
Mrs. Gen. Debility's crushed banana satin, and 
the other streaking the silk bodice worn by Mrs 
Col. Sangfroid. Speaking of the attendance, I no- 
ticed, among the waiters, who were members of 
the crew and consequently of the yacht club of 
which the Colic is an appendage, several familiar 
faces of dry goods clerks, grocery clerks, insurance 
agents and other nautical society men, but I could 
not consistently address any of them, under the 
circumstances, etiquette forbidding any such fa- 
miliarity during the Tympani. After the cravings 
of our inordinate appetites had been satisfied the 
upper decks were cleared for the Hula-hula. The 
dance was led by Admiral Yung Bee and Mrs. 
Jinks, the whole company participating with a 
zest equal to that of the natives themselves from 
whom the foreign portion of the population have 
received it in all its pristine fascination. At some 
other time I shall describe this lovely dance. Suf- 
fice it to say that the Hula-hula is not quite as in- 
decent as some varieties of our own dear, wick'ed 
waltz, while at the same time it is somewhat more 
piquant than the deservingly popular German which 
it resembles in many respects. On this occasion 
some original figures were introduced, notable 
among which was "the little ape figure," in which 
the lady passes down a line of gentlemen executing 
a refined jig step, presenting a diminutive monkey 
to each gentleman as she skips along. The gen- 
tleman whom thfe monkey embraces must consider 
himself the partner of the lady during the remain- 
der of the evening. Favors were also distributed. 
Admiral Yung Bee received a handsomely en- 
graved and brilliantly illuminated certificate enti- 
tling him to return to the United States whenever 
he may desire to confer that inestimable honor 
upon our great and glorious nation. The favor was 
presented by Mrs. Jinks. Mr. Albion Chisel'em, 
who recently arrived from San Francisco, received 
a beautifully embossed assessment notice done in 
blue and gold, symbolic of the state of mind of the 
Albion shareholders. This favor was presented by 
Mrs. Gen. Hegira. But I must not weary you 
with details. 

The costumes of the ladies were rich and elegant 
but I have not time in this letter to describe them. 
Read the next full-dress affair published in the 
Tuesday supplement of the Call, and substitute the 
following names of the ladies composing our party 
in each dress description: Mrs. T. Jinks, Mrs. 
A. M. P. Y. H. Dickeson, Mrs. Simpson Mach- 
ghlahthrarkee, Mrs. Lydia Pinkham, Mrs. Stow, 
Mrs. General Toadie, Mrs. Colonel Parvenu, Mrs. 
Major Weevil. Mrs. Captain Hogg, Mrs. Lieuten- 
ant Giltedge, Mrs. General Hegira. There were a 
number of other ladies present, but they were 
simply ordinary women— the wives and daughters 
of clerks, missionaries, tradesmen, attaches, news- 
paper reporters and sailors. Among the gentle- 
men were Admiral Yung Bee, Senior Vice-Com- 
mander Wun Lung, Junior Vice-Commander Tu 
Lung and Boatswain Sing Hi, of the turtle fleet ; 
Commodore Harrison, Captain Cheese, Sailingmas- 
ter Cutlet, Lieutenant Tape and Boatswain Rum- 
angum, of the Colic. The military was represented 
by General John Fussandfeathers, General I. X. 
L. Stables, General Debility, General A. S. H. Bar- 
rell, General B. E. E. R, Kegge, General M. I. L. 
K. Paille, General Average, General Bucket, 
General Orders, Major Scale, Major Drum, and 
others. 

And now, my dear Tehama, I must say ax revoir, 
hoping that you are enjoying yourself in your cir- 
cle of society as thoroughly as I am in mine. I re- 
ceive the supplements regularly and take pleasure 
in observing that your name appears as a guest in 
most of the events reported therein. Write to me 
soon and give me all the suppressed gossip and 
scandal of the town. I am certain you must have 
quite a budget of rich, rare and pungent develop- 
ments which even the Chronicle does not dare to 
publish. Clementina. 

Hottongvillc, Sockt>t Islands, Dec. 15, 1882. 



BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

will cure dyspepsia,heartbuni, mala- 
ria, kidney disease, liver complaint, 
and other wasting diseases. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

enriches the blood and purifies the 
system; cures weakness, lack of 
energy, etc. Try a bottle. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

is the only Iron preparation that 
does not color the teeth, and will not 
cause headache or constipation, as 
other Iron preparations will. 

BROWN'S 

IRON 
BITTERS 

Ladies and all sufferers from neu- 
ralgia, hysteria, and kindred com- 
plaints, will find it without an equal. 



KIDNEY-WORT 



IS A SURE CURE 

for all diseases of the Kidneys and 



LIVER 



It has specific action on this most important 
organ, enabling it to throw off torpidity and 
inaction, stimulating the healthy secretion of 
the Bile, and by keeping Hie bowels in free 
condition, effecting its regular discharge. 
Ml £k I £1 PI O Ifyou aresuffering from 
lea CI I CI B Ids malaria, have the chills, 
are bilious, dyspeptic, or constipated, Kidney- 
Wort win surely relieve and quickly cure. 

In the Spring to cleanse the System, every 
one should take a thorough course of it. 
±1- SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. Price £1. 



KIDNEY-WaET 




SW Cures with unfailing certainty 
Nervous and Physical Debility, Vital Ex- 
haustion, Weakness, Loss of Manhood and 
all the terrible results of abused nature, ex- 
cesses and youthful indiscretions. It pre- 
vents permanently all weakening drains 
upon the system. 

Permanent Cures Guaranteed. 
Price, $2,50 per bottle, or 5 bottles $10.00 
To be had only of Or. C. D. SALFIELD, 
216 Kearny Street, San Francisco. 

TRIAL BOTTLE FREE, 
Sufficient to show its merit, will be sent to 
anyone applyim; by letter, stating his symp- 
toms and age. Communications strictly 



THE WASP. 



PACIFIC COAST STEAMSHIP CO. 

learner ol thisOompuq aril] ai] rron Bi idn ■■ 
gWlMrt.vih ftaaclgco, for portsin 0&Uforaia, Ore- 
k'on. WLishinu-tou and Idaho Territories, British 
» I kuumbla and Alaska, u follows : 
< iilir.irnla Sonllioru funs) Itonl.-. The Stearuere ORI- 
ZABA and AN'C<» sail even- live dava at 9 a.m. for Ban Ins 
Obispo, Santa Barbara, Loa Angela iad San in..- u follows - 
ORIZABA, loth, 20th and 80th --i each month. \\r,,\ 
and 26th of each month. The Steamer LOS kNGELES Mllseven 
Wednesday at 8 A. M. (or Santa Crai, Monterey, s in Simeon Cay- 
oces, Gaviota, Santa Barbara ami San Buenaventura. 

JSTiUH 11 t ' ol ™ ml >'« ■•nil Alaska Route.— Steamship 

EUREKA, carrying I. s. Mails, nils Irom Portland On 
on or about the 1st of each month, for Port Townsend YV T Vic- 
toria and Nanaimo, B. C, Fort Wrangel, Sitka and 'Ha'rrUburg 

Alaska, connecting at Port Townsend with Victoria and 1-n . t 
Sound Steamer leaving San Francisco the 30th of each month. " 

Victoria and Paget Sound Konte.— The SteamersOEO » 

ELOLI: ind DAKOTA, carrying HarBrittaiii..>.Majestv'saiid L'nitcd 
States mails, sad from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco at 2 p » 
on the 10th, 20th, and 30th of each month, for Victoria, B. Port 
Townsend, Seattle, Tacoma, Stcilacoom and Olvmpia, making close 
connection with steamboats, etc-., for Skagit River and Cassiar 
Mines, iVanaimo, New Westminster, Vale, Sitka and all other im- 
portant points. Returning, leave Seattle and Port Townsend at 1 
p. a. on the 9th, 19th and 29th of each month, and Victoria (Esriui- 
mault) at 11 a. m. on the 10th, 20th and 30th of each month. 
pfole.— When Sunday falls on the 10th, 20th or 30th, steamers sail 
from San Francisco one day earlier, and from Sound ports* and Vic- 
toria one day later than stated above.] The Steamer VICTORI 4 
sails for New « cstmuistcr and Nanaimo about every two weeks as 
per advertisements in the San Francisco Alta or Gvmy.. 

Portland. Oregon, Ronle.— The Oregon Railway and Navi- 
gation Company and the Pacific Coast Steamship Company dis. 
patch from Spear Street Wharf one of the steamships QUEEN OF 
THE PACIFIC, STATE OF CALIFORNIA, OREfl.iN or n H I'M- 
BIA, carrying the United States Mail and Wells, Fargo & Co 's 
El-press, every V\ ednesday and Saturday at 10 A. M. for Portland 
and Astoria, Oregon. 

-nSHSl™ a * a Huuiboldt Bay Route Steamer CITY OF 

,J? c , „ " 8 from Slln F n>neisco for Eureka, Areata, Hookton 
(Humbolt Bay) every' Wednesday at 9 A. M. 

oT P ™'„^ rena an<l Mendocino Route— Steamer CON- 
STANTINE sails from Broadway Wharf, San Francisco, at 3 P. M. 
every Monday for Point Arenas, Cuffey's Cove, Little River and 
Mendocino. 

Ticket Office, 214 Montgomery Street. 

(Opposite the Ituss House) 

GOODALL, PERKINS & CO., General Agents 

No. 10 Market Street, San Francisco. 

BILLIARDS. 

P. LIESENFELD, Manufacturer. 

Established ...... is56 

SOLE AGENT FOR THE ONLY GENUINE 

Patent Steel Plate Cushion, 

Guaranteed fop Ten Years. 

THE MOST ELEGANT STOCK OF BILLIARD AND POOL 
TABLES ON THE PACIFIC COAST. 

945 Folsom Street, 

NEAR S I X T H . 

Prices 20 per cent. Lover than any other House on 
the Coast. 

IS" SEND FOR A CATALOGUE. "m. 

BILLIARDS! 

The Cues in every Billiard-room, Club and Private House 
should be furnished with the 

BILLIARD-ROOM NOISE - SUBDUER 

To prevent players from making a noise by knocking their 

Cues on the floor. Over 250,000 sold during the past 

two years. Invented and patented by 

JOHaV < JEK.VII A \.t -uiliii. ii fal Hotel, Philadelphia, 

Sole agent in Penn'a for the Standard American Billiard and Pool 
Tables, manufactured only by H. W. COLLENDER. Wanted, 
agents to sell SUBDUERS in all parts of the United States. Price, 
Slperdoz. For sale by all Manufacturers and Dealers. 



RUPTURE 

Believed and cured without the injury trusses mnict, by 
Dr. J. A. SHERMAN'S method. Office, 251 Broadway, 
New York. Book, with likenesses of bad ca.=es befcre and 
-after cured, mailed for 10 cents. 



I BURR & FINK, 



SOUTH PACIFIC^ COAST R. R. 

Oakland, tlameda, Vrwark, San .1 lu «iuio«. 

Glenwood, Pel ami Santa Crru. 

P" ri u »i '■ * 1 *i ,. . Soinn m-. -. ,, -,. 

''->»''.' Mont. 
saj 1 \ cri /. thai 

! 
rootol Marktt stl 

8 •'in *"■."•' ■' ' il; " " ,|r »- "">- 

iUU sells, -Mr. Eden, AJvarado, Ha] 

'■■■-■'■■■■■ Vcti - - : . Clara, si\ JOSE, 1 

Aim... Wright;, II-. ., 

in-. ta 1 \ - );i z, 1 in. ing IS M. 

2- l i(\ ' '' ' irk, Cen- 

■UW temlle, Alviso, Agnemi, Santa 1 iSBandLoe 

Gatoe. Throng mm t CBUZevcrj Saturday. 

i.On ' U. (Sundaya excepted), ror 8AK JOSE and interraedi- 

H-.OU at. atatjona 

(lU Sundays. Sportsmen's Train. 4^0 A 

Ull !-..... -s, 1,. I...,, ,1 ,-,;|.-, p. M.. arri.i.:. . I. 

(jje EXCURSIONS TO SANTA CRUZ AND 02.50 TO SAM 

tPU Jose on Saturdays and Sundays, to return until Mi 

TO OAKLAND AMD ALAMEDA. 

§0:30— 7:30— S:S0— 9:30— 10:30-ll;:;i. A. M. " 12 liu 1:30— 2-30— 
3:30—1:30— 5:30— 6:30— 75S0— 10:011 and 1130 P. M. 

From I ..ui-i.-.-nlh mid Webster streets, Oakland 66:67 
—§6:67— 7S7— 8:52— 952— 10:62— 1[U:52 A. SI. IS :.J-1:52— 2:52 
—3:52—4:52—5:52—6:52—10:20 P. M. 

From High street, Alameda— s:.:15— §6:45— 7:45— ?:: -: : 
—10:35-111:35 A. M. 12:35-1:35— 2:35— 3:35- 435-5:35-0:35 
—10:05 P. M. 

Sliail... Sundays excepted. *i Sundays only. 

Stations in Oakland, but two blocks from Broadway, connecting 
with all street ear lines, for Piedmont, Temescal, University, Cem- 
eteries, etc Time as short as by any other route. Try it. * 

TICKET, Telegraph and Transfer offices 222 Montgomery street, 

S. F. ; Twelfth and Webster, Oakland ; Park street, Alameda. 

A. H. FRACKER, R. M. CAKRATT, 

Oct. 29. Gen'l Supt. G. F. & P. Agt 



Citizens' Lns. Co., St. Louis. - Assets, $450,000 
German Ins. Co., Pittsburg, - " 350.000 
Farragut Fire Lns. Co., N. Y., - " 435,000 
Firemen's Ins. Co., Baltimore, - " 545,000 

Metropolitan Plate Glass Ins. 

Co., New York, - — . " 141,000 
Oflice— 219 Sansome Street, S. F. 

E. D. FARNSWORTH & SON 



THE SOUTH BRITISH AND NATIONAL. 
W. J. CALLINGHAM & CO., 

No. 213 SANSOME STREET, SAN FRAN0IS0O, OAL. 



14,799 Sold in 1881. 




Klmwood, Glemvood, Hudson- and Our Choice. 



DON'T FAIL TO EXAMINE THE EUIWOOD, GLENWOOD, 
HUDSON and OUR CHOICE before purchasing- a Range, as 
thej - are the latest improved patterns and made from selected 
stock. The smoothest castings. The best bakers. Requires one- 
half the fuel consumed by ordinary Ranges. Three sizes of each 
Range ; twelve different styles. Has Patent Elevated Shelf, auto- 
matic Oven Shelf, patent Cheek Draft, Broiler Door, etc. For sale 
at same prices as common Ranges. Every one Warranted. Ask 
your dealer for them. 

W. S. RAY & CO., 12 Market Street. 



, AND NOT WEAR OUT. 
These KEYS are sold 
by all WATCHMAKERS and JEWELERS on the PACIFIC 
COAST. By Mail, 25 CfiDts. 

BIRCH & CO- 36 Dey Btreet, New York, 



f- QWEET AS THE ROSE." Beautiful new set of Gilt Palettes 
O by mail, on receipt of two 3c. stamps. 



Nassau Street, New York. 



WHITING, 50 

Jn-31 



620 Market Street, 



Opp. Palace Hotel I n trance, 



NORTHERN PACIFIC RAILROAD 

AMi 

Oregon Railway and Navigation Co. 

WITH THEIH l \i..i E AND >DTES*01 1UVEK 

, Pacific 

I n the Colombia o.WaI1« 

1 
■ i 
Up the Pern) d'OreUlc Dlrlnlon 

Spraffue, Snoka i , | a i| poinU In 

•. 
I i> tin' WlllnmelKc Vallcj 

i»i»« ii iIm < olnmbln [uq »c«no« 

I 
Over i" I'h^.-i si.iimi To Tacoma, Olympl*, 8e»ttlo, Port 
Townsend 

■ . 



The Northern Pacific is the New Route 
for Montana. 

I>;iih Since* 

direct for Hlasonla and ill m igl ring points. 

JOHN MUIR, 
Bap'l 
Snii Frniirlsi'u oiiin- .'ii Honlffomerj St. 



1863. Only Pebble Establishment. 1882 




PEBBLE SPECTACLES 




MULLER'S OPTICAL DEPOT 

135 Montgomery St., near Bush. 

Specialty for 32 years. Established, S. F. , 1863. 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 
file most complicated cases of defective vision 
thoroughly diagnosed, free of charge. 

Compound Astigmatic Lenses Mounted 
to Order 

^•AT TWO HOURS' NOTICE. & 



Doniscii.- Apotheke. 



MALDONADO PHARMACY, 

36 Geary Street, 
EDWARD NEUMANN, 

PHARMACIST :iinl CI1EMIST, 



Faraiacle ICallana. 



CARD COLLECTORS. A handsome set of cards for 3-cent 
sto-nip. A. G. BASSETT, Rochester, N. Y. Mr-10 



Merchant Tailors. 



10 



THE WASP. 



SAC RAMEN TO ADVERTISERS 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS— BAKER & 
Hamilton, Manufacturers and Importers of Agricul- 
tural Implements, Hardware, etc., 9 to 15 J street, 
Sacramento. «3"The most extensive establishment on the 
Pacific Coast. Eastern office, 88 Wall street, New York. 

RUCE HOUSE, 1018 J STREET, bet. 10th S: 11th, 
Sacramento, Cal. P. C. Smith, proprietor. Board 
- and Lodging, per week. So. Board, per week, $4. 
Meals, 25 cents. 23" All kinds of cold and hot drinks on 
hand. 

CLAUSS & WERTHEIMS' BOCA BEER Ex- 
change. Sole agency for the Boca Brewing Company. 
Large Bottling Establishment. Orders promptly at- 
tended to. 411 J stree ., Sacramento, Cal. 



B 



DR MOTT'S WILD CHERRY TONIC IN- 
creases the appetite, prevents indigestion, strength- 
ens the system, purines the blood and gives tone to 
the stomach, i* - No family should be without it. Wil- 
cox, Powers & Co., wholesale dealers and importers of 
choice liquors, sole agents, 505 K stre et, Sacramento. 

FOUND AT LAST— AN INFALIABLE HAIR 
Restorer. It reproduces a growth of Hair to Bald 
Heads when the root, however feeble, is left. Gives 
Gray Hair its Natural Color. I warrant this Restorative 
as harmless. USTrepared and sold by Henry Fuchs, 529 
K street, Sacramento, and C. F. Richards & Co., wholesale 
druggists, San Francisco. 

GOGINGS' FAMILY MEDICINES ARE RECOM- 
mended by all who use them for their effectivenes 
and purity of manufacture. «S" His California 
Rheumatic Cdbe has NO equal. Depot, 904 J street, Sac- 
ramento, Cal. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

GROWERS OF SEEDS AND TREES-W. R. 
Strong & Co., Commission Merchants and dealers in 
Farm" Produce; Fruits at wholesale ; also, general 
Nurserymen and growers of the choicest Seeds, Trees, etc. 
aS" One of the oldest and most reliable houses on the Pa- 
cific Coast. Catalogue free on application. J street, near 
Front, Sacramento, Cal. 



HWACHHORST (Sign of the Town Clock), WATCH- 
maker and Jeweler, Importer of Diamonds, Jew- 
' elry and Silverware. Established since 1S50 and 
well known all over the Coast for reasonable prices and 
superior quality of goods, 43" Watch repairing a specialty. 
Care "iven to the selection of Bridal, Wedding and Holi- 
day Presents. 315 J street (north side) between 3d and 4th, 
Sacramento, Cal. 



LK. HAMMER, 820 J STREET, SACRAMENTO, 
Cal.. agent for Chickering Pianos, Wilcox & White's 
' Organs. A complete stock of Musical Merchandise, 
Sheet Music, Music Books, etc., constantly on hand. 
S^~ Strings a specialty. 



PACIFIC. WHEEL & CARRAIGE WORKS, J. F. 
Hill, proprietor, 1301 to 1323 J street, Sacramento. 
Manufacturer of Carraiges and Carriage Wheels, 
Gears, Bodies, etc. S^A large stock constantly on hand. 



SAMUEL JELLY, WATCHMAKER, IMPORTER 
and Dealer in Fine Watches, Diamonds, Jewelry and 
Silverware. This is one of the oldest and most reli- 
able houses west of the Rocky Mountains. First estab- 
lished in 1850. 422 J street, Sacramento. 33* Clocks, 
Watches and jewelry repaired with great care. 



STOCKTON ADVERTISERS. 



STATE HOUSE, COR. K AND 10TH (NEAR THE 
State Capitol) one of the most home-like hotels in the 
city. Good rooms, good table. Board and Lodging, 
S6 to S12 per week. Family Rooms, SI to S2.50. Meals, 
25 cents. Free omnibus. Street cars pass the house every 
5 minutes. H. Eldred, proprietor. 

THE RED HOUSE TRADE UNION, 706-714-716 
J street, Sacramento. Branch 93 and 95 D street, 
Marysville. C. H. Gilman, proprietor. 4SThe larg- 
est retail house on the Pacific Coast. The originator of 
the " One Price " — goods being marked in plain figures. 



WM. M. LYON (SUCCESSOR TO LYON & 
Barnes). Dealer in Produce, Vegetables, Butter, 
Eggs, Green and Dried Fruits, Cheese, Poultry, 
Honey, Beans, etc., 123-125 J street, Sacramento. 



rtjc 4-|-v QQI°| P er day at home. Samples worth So free. 



I Address Stinsox & Co., Portland, Maine. 



HEN.WY TlEfJEN. . . 

(%','hENJJY AHRENS.rilS • TH. V. •ORSTEL. 



•14-2-fl-r" 1*3+ '%ks "'PINE ST NEAR . p OL« 



*Ekss,?f£ iJ/vJi'&s, 



Tt£szj:a- b't. 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR " SPERRY'S NEW 
Process Flour" — the very best in use. Office, 22 
California street, San Francisco, and corner Levee 
and Broadway, Stockton. Sperry & Co proprietors. 



AVON THEATER, STOCKTON, CAL. JUST 
completed. Seats 1200 people. Large stage, and 
all first class appointments. Apply to Humphrey 
& Southworth, proprietors. 



BURXHARrS ARTETENE. NO COMPOUND 
but a pure distilation from a peculiar kind of fir. 
Cures Rheumatism, Neuralgia, etc. A specific for 
Croup, Colds, etc. Sold by all druggists. 



CALIFORNIA WIND MILLS. ALFRED NOAK, 
agent for the best California Windmills and Tanks. 
Strongest and best made ; 325 and 327 Main street, 
Stockton. P. O. Box, 312. 83T Send for price list. 



EAGLE HOTEL. TEMPERANCE HOUSE. 
Weber avenue, Stockton, Cal. Board $4 per week. 
Board and Lodging, $5 to So. Per day, SI to 91,25. 
Meals, 25 cents. B8T Street cars pass within half block. 
Mrs. E. H. Allen, proprietress. 



FINEST GRADES OF CARRIAGES, CARRIAGE 
Wheels and Carriage Hardware. W. P. Miller, 
manufacturer, importer and dealer, cor. Channel 
and California streets, Stockton. B3T Illustrated Cata- 
logue furnished on application. 



GREAT REDUCTION. STOCKTON IMPROVED 
Gang Plows. Extras. Standard molds. Points, 
Wheels, Lands, of all kinds ; 10,000 in use and war- 
ranted. Salesroom and warehouse, cor. Ifil Dorado and 
Market streets, Stockton. Globe Iron Foundry cor. 
Main and Commerce streets. Agricultural Implements 
wholesale and retail. John Calne, sole proprietor. P. 
O. Box, 95, Stockton. 



GRANGERS' UNION OF SAN JOAQUIN VAL- 
ley. (Incorporated May 14, '74.) Importers and 
"dealers in Agricultural Implements and a full line 
of General Hardware, Nos. 280 and 282 Main street, Stock- 
ton, Cal. 



HC. SHAW. PLOW WORKS. DEALER IN 
Agricultural Implements, Randolph Headers, 
• Stockton Gang Plows, Farm and Spring Wagons, 
Hardware, etc. , etc. Office and warerooms, 201 and 203 
El Dorado street, Stockton. 



HT. DORRANCE, MANUFACTURER AND 
importer of Saddlery and Harness, California, La- 
* dies' and Imported Saddles, Team, Concord, Buggy 
and Trotting Harness, Horse Blankets, Linen Covers, 
etc., etc. No. 185 Hunter street, Stockton. 

H. O'BRIEN, WHOLESALE DEALER IN 
Fine Wines and Liquors, No. 224 Main street, 
• Odd Fellows' Block, Stockton, Cal. 

ATTESON & WILLIAMSON, MANUFACT- 
urers of Agricultural Implements, cor. Main and 
California streets, Stockton, Cal. 



M 



PACIFIC COAST LAW, MERCANTILE AND 
Patent Agency. Joshua B. Webster, attorney at 
law. Practice in all Courts, State and Federal. 
Collections, Probate, Insolvency and General Commercial 
Practice, including Patent and Copyright Law. ^^Prin- 
cipal office, Room No. 1, Eldridge's Building (opp. the 
Courthouse) Stockton. 



STOCKTON SAVINGS AND LOAN SOCIETY. 
Paid up capital, §500,000. Deposits payable in 
time or on demand. Pays 5 per cent, interest after 
30 days. Domestic and foreign exchange. Transacts gen- 
eral banking business. L. U. Shippee, president ; F. M. 
West, cashier. 



THE PACIFIC ASYLUM, STOCKTON. ® THIS 
Private Asylum for the care and treatment of men- 
tal and nervous diseases is where the insane of the 
State of Nevada have been kept for several years, the 
patients being lately removed to Reno. The buildings, 
grounds and accommodations are large and its advantages 
superior. For terms, apply to the proprietor, Dr. Asa 
Clark, Stockton. References, Dr. L. C. Lane, San Fran- 
cisco, and Dr. G. A. Shurtleff, Superintendent State In- 
sane Asylum, Stockton. 



WILLIAMS' BALSAMIC CREAM OF ROSES 
is unsurpassed for beautifying the complexion and 
making the skin soft and nice. It is just the thing 
for chopped hands. For sale by all druggists or dealers 
in fancy goods. 



ARTISTIC PRINTING. 

Every Variety of Plain and Ornamental 

PRINTING 

Executed with Neatness and Dispatch at 

Lowest Rates. Orders by Mail receive 

prompt attention. 

E. C. Hushes, 

511 Sansome Street, 

Cor. Merchant. SAN FRANCISCO. 



3 O DAYS' TRIAL FREE I 

We send free on 30 days' trial Dr. Dye's Electro- Voltaic 
Belts and other electric appliances to Men suffering 
from Nervous Debility, Lost Vitality and Kindred 
Troubles. Also for Klieaiiuiatism, Liver and Kidney 
Troubles, and many other diseases. Speedy Lures guaran- 
teed. Illustrated pamphlets free. Address 

VOLTAIC BELT CO., Marshall, Mien. 



TO THE UNFORTUNATE. 

Dr. Gibbon's Dispensary. 

£*y J) O KEARNY STREET, SAN 
\""> t<C ?3 Francisco — Established 
in 1854 for the treatment and cure of 
Special Diseases. LostM&nhood, De- 
bility, or diseases wearing on body 
and mind, permanently cured The 
sick and afflicted should not fail to 
call upon him. The Doctor haB tra- 
veled extensively in Europe, and in- 
spected thoroughly the various hos- 
pitals there, obtaining a great deal of 
valuable information, which he is 
competent to impart to those in need 
sof his services. DR. GIBBON will 
?make no charge unless he effects a 
cure. Persons'at a' distance may be CURED AT HOME. All 
communications strictly confidential. Charges resouable. Call 
or write. Address DR. J. F. GIBBON, Box 1957, San Fran- 
cisco. Say you saw this advertisement in the WARP. 




Recommended by the Faculty 
TAR RANT 5 S 

COMPOUND EXTR CTS 

— op — 

Cubebs and Copaiba 

This compound is superior to any 
preparation hitherto invented, com- 
bining in a very highly concentrated 
state the medical properties of the 
Cubebs and Copaiba. One recom- 
mendation this preparation enjoys 
over all others is its neat, portable 
form, put up in pots ; the mode in which it maybe taken 
is both pleasant and convenient, being in the form of a 
paste, tasteless and does not impair the digestion. Pre- 
pared only by TARRANT & CO., 

Druggist and Chemists, 278 and 280 Greenwich street, 
New York. For Sale By All Druggists. 

STRICTLY PURE. 

Harmless to the VIost Delicate. 





<Tbis Engraving represents the Lung a la b. healthy state. 



THE 

GREAT 

REMEDY 

FOR 
CURING 



Consumption, 
Coughs, Colds, 
Croup. 

And Other Throat and Lung 
A flections. 



It Contains No Opium In Any Form ! 

Recommended by Physicians, Ministers and Nurses. 
In fact by everybodv who has given it a good trial. IT 
NEVER FAILS TO BRING RELIEF. 

Caution. — Call for Allen's Lung Balsam, and shun 
the use of all remedies without merit. 

As an Expectorant it has No Equal. 

For Sale by nil Medicine Dealers. 

When I say cure, I do not mean 
merely to stop them for a time and 
then have them return again, I 
mean a radical cure. I havo made 
the disease of" FITS, EPILEPSY or FALLING SICKNESS a life-long 
study. I warrant my remedy to cure the worst cases. Because others 
have failed Is uo reason for not now receiving a cure. Send at once 
for a treatise and a Free Bottlu of my Infallible remedy. Give Express 
and Post Office. It coats you nothing for a trial, and I will cure vou. 
Address Dr. H. G. BOOT, lea Pearl Street, New York. 



I CURE FITS 



THE WASP. 



11 



O'GRADY AND THE CONSUL. 



A Study in Dipf in 

From January 16, 1879, to July 30, 1882, Don 
Patrico < I'Grady was a great man in San Bias. For 
a consideration, he had hired himsell and liie 
talents to Don Manuel Carpena, merchant and 
land-owner, carrying himself the while with so 
masterful a carriage thai Bocial San Bias ivaa 
divided as to whether Senor Carpena employed 
Senor O'Grady, or Don Patrico was the patron 
of Don Manuel. Our Irish-Spaiiish-American pro 
prietary employee was tall and supple and dis- 
tinguished looking. The blood of the three royal 
O's of Munster— the O'Gradys, the O'Tooles, aud 
the O'Shaughnessys— blent red and rushing in his 
ample veins. He had cast himself upon the 
Mexic main, burning his ships at the breakers' 
edge, that he might win good store of doubloons 
and sail the seas over again, gaily to pour 
them into Molly Meadowcraft's lap aud bid her 
jump with him the golden broomstick. All the 
grace of the O'Gradys, all the talent of the 
O'Tooles, all the brazen assurance of the O'Shaugh- 
nesseys were as one in the dauntless personality of 
Don Patrico. As confidential adviser of the lead- 
ing merchant of the place, O'Grady found it easy 
to establish himself on a footing of social equality 
with the best people of the town. He had the 
run of Don Manuel's house, but had also his own 
house and his own housekeeper. There was a 
subtle Irish flavor in all the young adventurer's 
hospitality, which won the San Blasians to a 
man, from the jolly priest of the adobe church to 
top-loftish Senor El Sastre, the Captain of the Port. 
1'ntil May 1st, of last year, the industrious Patrick 
had essayed to open the Mexican oyster with en- 
tire success. Gossip said that he could not be 
worth less than ten thousand dollars. Rumor had 
it that the Mexican house of Baron Forbes & Co., 
and the San Franciscan house of Mr. Thomas Bell, 
were languishing to be permitted to proffer him 
their agencies. Report affirmed that Mr. Carpe- 
na'8 lieutenant of the civil service might marry the 
richest widow in Western Jalisco, if he would. 

Until May 1st, of last year, all had gone well 
with Don Patrico. It was on that fatal day that 
the Hon. Budd Smith lauded from the good ship 
City of Panama, forsaking the honor of beating 
Captain Austin at cribbage for the glory of taking 
on the consequence of " Consul-General for Zace- 
tecas, Durango and Jalisco, with headquarters at 
San Bias." In reality, Mr. Smith was Consul for 
San Bias only, without salary and with perquisites 
contingent upon a more rapid influx of American 
merchants, and a consequent more rapid output of 
merchandise to American ports. But Don Budd 
felt that the States mentioned needed an American 
Consul-General. So he nominated himself to the 
unencumbered office, and drew drafts on the 
world's credulity for the salary thereof. Strange 
to believe, the astute Patrico was the first Mexican 
to honor the dreamer's draft. 

"I have four thousand a year. I'm going to 
bring down a lumber mill, a flour mill and an im- 
proved sugar mill, on my own account and in the 
interests of heavy Boston backiug ; and I want to 
get hold of some good man, whom I can rely on. 
and who'll post me for all the damn country's 
worth. " 

The Consul said this to O'Grady in strictest con- 
fidence, as they sat together on the after-deck of 
the City of Panama, waiting for the Consul's bag- 
gage to be put on board the surf-boat that was to 
carry them ashore. If there was one thing that 
Patrick knew, it was a tenderfoot. Ere this he 
had helped od his way more than one of the genus 
—by taking only half of the foolish fellow's store 
when he might have taken all. Very good to Don 
Patrico seemed the picture of the dispensing of 
that four thousand a year and the emoluments of 
those many mills. 

" I will stand in with you, my dear sir," he said ; 
"and you shall have the benefit of my expe- 
rience." 

"That is just what I must have, no matter how 
high it comes," said the other; and they drank 
some of Captain Austin's sherry to clinch the 
compact. 

Long the story ; brief the telling. O'Grady took 
the Consul to his own house aud there they set up 
the Consulate, with the " Consular Arms " over the 
door, and Don Patrico commissioned as Vice-Con- 
sul at a thousand a year. 

"By the soul of the O'Tooles, but I'll own him 



within the year," said the thrifty Celt, in 
"t generous confidence to a friend. 

So it seemed. Gossip said that O'Grady was 
' running the Consulate forall it waswortl 

promised sugar and Hour and lumber nulls , 
talkofall Western Jalisco. Bui d 

entered! lie roadstead, and a., I ,■ later Consul 

Smith presented himself to his assist ll 
a loan of fifty dollars. His remittances had failed 
he said. That was the II, si I. f ty ; others followed 
One day Senor Carpena told Hoi, Patrico that the 
tonsillar service needed the attention of Mil 
more than did the business ,.f the forme] Bui 
the \ ice-Consul didn't mind a little thin- like 

that, lie was deep in uporulnt s. an. I 1 1,. i„:u 

gin of profit on paper would have been sufficient 
to buy up Ireland and make the son of the 
O Shaughnessys Kinj 

May, June, July- July the thirtieth. \ sen ir 

was to leave for Mazatlan that afternoon. About 

ten in the morning the Consul-Genera] ci mi,. 

the ollice of the Consulate, where the future King 
of an enfranchised Ireland was calculating the 
profit on ten thousand tons of crude sugar al ten 
dollars and ninety-six cents a ton. 
_ "I'm called to Mazatlan in a hurry, to arrest 
Kelton for defalcation." 

"But about my salary and that little matter of 
five hundred between us >. you'll perhaps l„- gone 
quite a while, and I'm a trifie short." 

Oh, I'll make that all right when 1 come back 
look out for my flour mill ; 'twill be here on the 
next steamer." 

They parted. Consul Smith, bound for Mazat- 
lan, Sonora, Tombstone, El Paso— home ; Vice- 
Consul O'Grady awaiting the coming of the grist mill 
and the profits on unlimited cornmeal. 

A week thereafter some one walked into the Con- 
sulate and asked Don Patrico if he had heard thai 
Budd Smith had cut his stick. O'Grady explained 
that the Consul-General had gone to Mazatlan to 
investigate Consul Kelton. 

"What the deuce has he to do with Kelton !" 
" Isn't he Consul-General '" 
" There is no such office. Besides, all he pre- 
tended to be was Consul-General for Zacetecas, 
Durango and Jalisco, and you surely know that 
Mazatlan is in Sinaloa." 

O'Grady smiled, took down from over the door 
the " Consular Arms," tore his beautiful commis- 
sion into fragments, went out and hunted up a 
tenant for his house, and took the next stage for 
Tepic, in which place he is at present trying to sell 
his experience to such ductile tenderfeet as Ned 
Yorke, Jim Watkins and Captain Billy Borrowe. 



THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY. 



; ion, ... \n approved remedy for the disease 
irruhty, h i- also much used in cases of 
poverl 

'■' ' ' ' * i' to 'I' loharge "in- duty and 

s uundi lates. 

To si rod an a platform and 
scream that Smith is a child of lisht and Jones 
a worm of Hi.- dust, 

''-' " ';"•■ "- "in' who enjoys the sacred privilege 
"f v.. tin- for thi in ..f another man's r],. ii 

El " ""city, ii. Tin- power that causes all natu- 
ral phei lena not known t., be caused by 

8 thin- ''Is,-. It i> the same thing as light". 

ning, ami its fa us attempt to strike Dr. 

Franklin is one of the most picturesque inci- 
dents in that great and good mans career. 
The memory of Or. Franklin is justly held in 
great reverence, particularly in Prance, where 
a waxen effigy of him was recently on exhi- 
bition, hearing tin' following touching account 
of his life and sen ices lo science : 



A shocking anecdote of James Phelau, the phil- 
anthropist, has just came to light. Mr. Phelan 
was bidding adieu to a faithful clerk the other day, 
who was bound for the mountains ; and in the good 
ness of his heart Mr. Phelan begged to be allowed 
the pleasure of presenting the departing lad with a 
brand-new overcoat. He took him into a clothing 
store and examined what the proprietor assured 
him was a very desirable article. But the figure 
was too high. Another and another were, tried, 
all of them very desirable — apart from the price. 
At last Mr. Phelan 's eyes lightened, and grasping 
his clerk's hand he said in a voice of emotion : 
" Ah ! Jamie, me lad, shure your blood is young 
and warm ; 'twould be an insult to put an over- 
coat on you. God speed you, me boy. Keep near 
the stove on your way to Virginia and you'll never 
miss it ! " 



Among the wicked woods of wintry Hades, 
Jesting the while with numerous nudish ladies, 
Abaddon walked, winking the merry while, 
As who should say no other knew such guile. 
Uplaughed a black-eyed nymph from Frisco, she 
Knew twice as many naughty jests as he. 
" If you had lived where I have lived, Hal Satan, 
You by yourself had fiercely been beraten 
Ere you had parodied the songs thrice sung 
By Alec Badlam and M. H. De Young. " 



In the windows of all the military tailors are gay 
specimens of militia uniforms. These are traps 
laid for the newly made soldiers. In time of peace 
nothing so becomes a man aB mild behavior and 
humanity, but when Governor Stoneman calls him 
to the service of his countiy he must let the tailor 
make up for nature's shortcomings in the composi- 
tion of a broadcloth warrior. 



The North Beach Nuisance— North Beach. 



...,". Monsieur Franqulin, inventor ..f electricity, 

Ihis Illustrious savant, after having mad.' Beveral 

voyages around the world, died .m the Sandwich 

Islands and was dev ed by Bavages, of whom uot 

a single fragment was over recovered. 

Electricity seems destined to play a most 
important pari in the aits and industries. The 
question of its economical application to some 
purposes is still unsettled, but experiment has 
already proved that it will propel a streetcar 
faster than a gas jet and give more light than a 
horse. 
Elegy, a. A composition in verse, in which, with- 
out employing any of the methods of humor, 
the writer aims to produce in the reader's 
mind the dampest kind of dejection. The 
must fatuous English example is Gray's "Elegy 
in a Country Churchyard," beginning with the 
following noble stanza : 

The cur foretells the knell of parting day ; 

The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea ; 
The wis.- man homeward plods ; I only stay 

'I'.. Bddle-faddle in the minor key. 

Elephant, ... A joker of the animal kingd , 

having a flexible nose aud limited warehouse 
accommodation for his teeth. 
Eleusinian, adj. Relating to Eleusis, in Greece, 
where certain famous rites or " mysteries " 
were celebrated in honor of Ceres, though 
that discreet goddess commonly sent her re- 
grets and had an engagement elsewhere. 
There is a good deal of uncertainty among the 
moderns as to what these mysteries really 
were. Some of the old Greek writers, wdio as 
as small boys sneaked in under the tent, have 
attempted a description, but without success; 
the spirit was willing but the language was 
weak. 
Eloqoence, ii. The art of orally persuading fools 
that black is the color that it appears to be. 
It includes the gift of making any color ap- 
pear to be black. 
Elysium, ii. An imaginary delightful country 
which the ancients foolishly believed to be in- 
habited by the spirits of the good. This ridi- 
culous and mischievous fable was swept off the 
face of the earth by the early Christians — 
heaven rest their souls! 
Emancipation, a. A bondsman's change from the 
tyranny of another to the despotism of him- 
self. 

He was a slave : at wind he went and came; 

His iron .-i. liar cut him to the bone. 
Then Liberty erased his owner's name, 

Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own. 

Embalm, u. /. To cheat vegetation by locking up 
the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming 
their dead and thereby affecting the natural 
balance between animal aud vegetable life, 
the Egyptians made their once fertile and 
populous country barren and incapable of sup- 
porting more than a meagre crew. The mod- 
ern metallic burial casket is a step in the same 
direction, and many a dead man who ought 
now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as 
a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of 
radishes, has got a corner on himself and is 
holding for something better — he doesn't quite 
know what. We shall get him after awhile if 
we are spared, but in the meantime this violet 
is just languishing for a nip at his glutteus 
maximus. B. 



12 



THE WASP. 



A HASTY INFERENCE, 



The Devil one day, coming' up from the Pit, 

All grimy with perspiration, 
Applied to St. Peter and begged he'd admit 

Him a moment for consultation. 
The Saint showed him in where the Master reclined 

On the throne where petitioners sought him ; 
Both bowed, and the Evil One opened his mind 

Concerning the business that brought him : 

' For ten million years I've been kept in a stew 

Because you have thougnt me immoral ; 

And though I have had my opinion of you, 

You've had the best ei d of the quarrel. 

' But now — well, I venture to hope that the past 
With its misunderstandings we'll smother ; 
And you, sir, and I, sir, be throned here at last 
As equals, beside one another." 

' Indeed ! " said the Master (I cannot convey 

A sense of his tone by mere letters) 
1 What makes you presume you'll be bidden to stay 

Up here on such terms with your betters ? " 

' Why sure you can't mean it ! " said Satan. "I've seen 
How Stanford and Crocker you've nourished. 
And Huntington— bless me ! the three like a green 
Umbrageous great bay-tree have flourished. 

They are fat, they are rolling in gold, they command 
All sources and well-springs of power ; 

You've given them houses, you've given them land- 
Before them the righteous all cower. " 

' What of that ?" " What of that ? " cried the Father 

of Sin ; 
' Why, T thought when I saw you were winking 
At crimes such as theirs that perhaps you had been 
Converted to my way of thinking. " 



'GONE BEFORE.' 



Being in Chicago some months ago, Mike de 
Young of the Chronicle got himself "interviewed" 
by the horse-reporter of the Tribune and gave off 
so great a volume and so pure a quality of menda- 
city about the Hawaiian reciprocity treaty that bis 
performance ought to serve as a model for the liars 
of all future generations. Among the utterances 
of this monumental libber professing to act as 
mouthpiece for the people of the Pacitic Coast, was 
the following noble and impressive falsehood : 

" We want the treaty abrogated; all our merchants are 
opposed to its continuance, for it does no good to our ex- 
port trade." 

The strength, splendor and sweetness of this ad- 
mirable untruth were long unabated by time and 
use. By iteration in his own paper its author 
added to its sterling merit of mendacity the 
grace and charm of an inexpressible monotony. 
He printed it as he said it and printed it as he didn't 
say it. He turned it upside down and printed it 
that way, turned it end for end and printed it that 
way, turned it inside out and printed it that way. 
He mouthed it as a tigress mouths her whelp and 
fondled it as lovingly as a cow-elephant lapping her 
lithe proboscis about the dun loins of her son and 
heir. To have seen him coddling this sturdy and 
preposterously lively lie you would have supposed 
it the only begotten or sole surviving offspring of a 
now impotent imagination, and that he feared it 
wasn't long for this world— as indeed it was not. 

On Monday of last week the Board of Trade, 
comprising in its membership the leading mer- 
chants of the Coast, held their annual meeting and 
considered their President's report, from which we 
make the following extract : 

We have now had nearly seven years' experience of the 
working of the reciprocity treaty with the Hawaiian 
Kingdom, and have found its results, in enlarging our com- 
merce with those Islands, surpassing the expectations of 
its most sanguine friends and gratifying to all. The op- 
position to it in some parts of the United States comes 
from those who do not fully understand its workings and 
have but a small share in its benefits. If those who op- 
pose it would study it as a national policy, they would be 
anxious to procure similar treaties with other countries, 
which would benefit the Atlantic side of our country even 
more largely than the Hawaiian has benefitted us. By 
this treaty, five small islands in the Pacific Ocean, with 
less than 70,000 population, some of whom are removed 
only one or two generations from barbarism, have be- 
come as much dependent on American products and 
manufactures, and as large customers of our merchants as 
any country in the United States of the same population. 
The benefits of reciprocal trade cannot be estimated by 



Custom-house statistics alone, nor should the fact be 
overlooked, that if our Government withdraws this fos- 
tering benefit to this people so near to us geographically 
and so allied to us in interests that in all but name they 
are under our flag and our fellow-citizens, European 
governments are looking with covetous eyes towards them 
for similar, and even more liberal concessions. From our 
missionary times to the present we have done too much 
for them to oppose them now— and our interests commer- 
cially forbid that we should do so. 

After the readiDg of the report and the transac- 
tion of other business, Mr. A. P. Williams, ex- 
plaining that it seemed desirable to have the sense 
of the Board upon the Hawaiian reciprocity treaty, 
moved that the Board endorse by vote the remarks 
of the President relating to that subject. This 
motion was carried unanimously and enthusiasti- 
cally by a rising vote. Mr. de Young will at some 
time in the future — before the result is recorded 
in the Chicago Tribune — change his attitude of an- 
tagonism to one of approval for the purpose of 
moving a reconsideration. In the meantime he is 
putting the mortal remains of his favorite false- 
hood into a pickle of tears, in thoughtful provision 
against decay's effacing fingers. 



James Dever and Henry Thorn, deputies of Mr. 
Graham, late "recumbent" of the Street Superin- 
tendent's office, have been arrested on a number 
of charges of felony. Both are accused of the for- 
gery of Mr. Graham's name to fraudulent demands 
on the treasury for street work which they protest 
was badly needed, but which Detective Hogan and 
Police officer Healy aver was never performed. De- 
ver, however, swore that it was performed, and is 
held for perjury — a distinction not yet conferred 
upon his less enterprising collaborator. In due 
season these gentlemen will be tried and acquitted 
on the ground of emotional insanity. There will 
be a banquet in their honor at the Maison Doree, 
at which Messrs. Duncan, Tibbey and Stuart will 
be honored guests, and where the officious med- 
dling of Messrs. Hogan and Healy will be execra- 
ted in the terms that it deserves. It is to be hoped 
that Wheeler will by that time be at liberty to 
handle a knife and fork at this complimentary din- 
ner, and entertain the company with an account 
of the best way to strangle a sister-in-law and get 
her body into a hat box. 



The Evening Post, which keeps a roadside inn 
hard by one of the by-ways of thought, and finds a 
profitless satisfaction in entertaining such way- 
worn and mindless tramps of speech as "the Ru- 
pert of debate," "the white-plumed Navarre of the 
halls of legislation," " the great commoner," etc., 
calls Lincoln "the second father of his country.''" 
This is a very striking indeed, but it has the de- 
merit of being partly original. The notion that a 
country already in the vigor of lusty young man- 
hood can be begotten by any one who has the good 
luck to command the Posfs admiration is a purely 
Colon eljacksonian conception, and as such entitled 
only to respectful considera'ion of the second rate. 
Our first-class, yard-wide and all-wool admiration 
is justly reserved for imported ideas whose ex- 
pression is wholly parroted, and which smell of the 
steerage of the ships that brought them over. Of 
these "the great commoner " is perhaps the best, 
and its application to the late Thad. Stevens the 
neatest and most touchinsr. 



The most divinely absurd proposition that ever 
emanated from Mr. Pixley, was his offer in the J r- 
gonant of last Saturday to give @1,000 to the suffer- 
ing Irish, on condition that Saint Patrick's Day 
parade in this city should be abandoned this year. 
The receipt from the Secretary of the Ancient 
Order of Hibernians, framed and hanging in Mr. 
Pixley's office, would be an interesting addition to 
his collection of curiosities. But Mr. Pixley, like 
Bagstock, was devilish sly, for he knew that S10,- 
000 would not purchase all the pomp and glory and 
prancing and speechmaking the Irish patriot looks 
forward to on that day of days. 



The Bulletin contained some evenings ago a 
wicked editorial on the degeueracy of the American 
race, and a hearty exhortation to the young to eat 
more beef and drink more beer for their muscles' 
sake. Coming from Mr. Bartlett, this sounds like 
a change of heart. Because there was a time 
when all the heavy moral business of the Bulletin 
was entrusted to him, and he wore his hair lon<r 
and buttoned his coat clear up to his chin. Since, 
however, he has gone in for treatisies on physical 



development and the improvement of the race, he 
sports mutton-chop whiskers, cocks his hat on one 
side, has a rolling gait, and smiles winningly on the 
bindery girls who occupy the building oppposite 
the Bulletin editorial rooms. 



Dennis Kearney refuses to be guided by the 
Board of Trade's approval of the new Charter be- 
cause the members of the Board are "all employ- 
ers of labor." The accusation appears to be well 
founded, but perhaps if the scoundrels can be per- 
suaded to discharge their employees, Mr. Kearney, 
touched by this mark of practical penitence, will 
reinstate them in his good will and follow their 
advice. In the next " wuriu' ingman's purrces- 
sion" we hope to see a conspicuous banner in- 
scribed : "No Employment of Labor — Down with 
the Wage-Payer!" 



The futile attempt of the Carson Legislature to 
resist the railroad afford much amusement to the 
anti-monopoly press. A few earnest men endeav- 
ored to get a following ; a few, for appearance sake, 
pretended to stay by them ; but so sure as a crisis 
arose the Railroad men took them body and ears 
into camp, and snapped their fingers at the melan- 
choly enthusiasts who elected to remain outside the 
fence. 

"Gimme the meat axe!" In hoarse, savage 
tones the words were spoken, and Bill Truudlebed 
raised his towering form above the prostrate bodies 
of forty-seven Indian Chiefs and glared fiercely 
round him. Then spake Swallow-the-Dead-Horse, 
Chief of the tribe of Tipperaries, and last of his 
noble race: "My pale-faced brother is a great 
brave. Henceforth he shall be called Mop-Up-the- 
Ground. Has my brother an old pair of pants to 
spare?" * * * At this moment the 

old man entered the woodshed and interrupted the 
thrilling tale. "My sons, what are you read- 
ing ?" And the bad little boy said : " A book my 
Sunday School teacher gave us !" But the good 
little boy said : " Father, I cannot deceive you ; 
'tis a dime novel." And the good little boy got 
two lickings — one from the old man and one from 
the bad little boy. He was a little Fool. 



It is hereby announced that Mr. Plaintoggery 
Decorum is not appointed a Major-General of Mi- 
litia, and will be respected accordingly. 



The Chronicle having averred that "our rains 
never come from the north is crushed by the Afta 
with the statement that they do, for "the rains 
frequently do not reach Los Angeles until a day or 
two after they begin on the northwest coast. " 
Now, dear, this could easily be true of a storm com- 
ing from the westward : you have only to suppose 
its southern front to have paused a little for the 
purpose of wetting down the South Pacific, while 
its northern moved impetuously on to extinguish 
the fires of genius in the Alto, office. 



Mr. Campbell's Assembly bill to permit the 
shooting of game at any season on one's own land 
was defeated. This is unimportant ; the law for- 
bidding it is clearly unconstitutional, as will be 
seen if ever it is fairly tested. The notion that a 
man must tolerate the incursions of wild beasts 
and voracious fowl on his own property is naked 
nonsense. 



The editor of the Evening Post assures his read- 
ers that slang is almost unknown in respectable 
society. A few more such center shots as this will 
go far to remove the popular distrust of hearsay 
evidence. 



Last week we pitched into Mr. P. S. Dorney as 
a bold, bad poet ; now he sends us his great speech 
on " labor legislation " and we see that we did him 
an injustice. Compared with his political ideas in 
prose, his poetical emotions in verse are so good 
that we beg his pardon and rank him with Shak- 
speare and Goethe. All the time that Mr. Dorney 
can snatch from political meditation and devote to 
the utterance of his soul in rhyme is a clear gain 
to the great cause of common sense. 



A skeleton "has been found in an excavation on 
Sutter street. Estee ? 



THE WASP. 



13 



TALK ABOUT THEATERS. 



Mr. Branson Howard's Young Mrs, Wintkrop obtained 

it- initial |*erf..nnaiiLe at the Baldwin Theater last Mon- 
day night The merits -'f that play are bo far in excess of 
its faults that its representation was not merely satisfy- 
ing, but left tin- impression that in writing it tin- author 
had barely missed producing a great play. He deals 
throughout with none but pure motives ; his pathos is 
true. His emotions are genuine and worthy. He telle a 
simple, natural, every-day story so effectively that the 
characters which move in it become absorbingly interest- 
ing. Hin language is scholarly, without the slightest affec- 
tation, beautifully concise and occasionally witty. An 
uninterrupted harmony of events leads up to the climax. 
A studious evasion of strained situations and a clever 
manipulation <>f trifling details composes a most affecting 
picture of domestic life and enlists the wannest sympa- 
thies of the audience. The plot is revealed almost at the 
opening, and yet the interest is not merely well sustained 
aw the play progresses but grows stronger and stronger un- 
til the last and most touching scene of all fitly closes a 
most beautiful chapter of human emotions. The manage- 
ment may well feel proud of its appreciation. The audi- 
ence that witnessed its first production, in this city, was 
of a moat critical character, yet was so thoroughly in sym- 
pathy with the action that any demonstration, save tears, 
seemed out of place. Still the shading is so accurate that 
the situations never become painfully pathetic ; the lights 
of comedy are so deftly managed and so opportune that 
one cannot wish for the elimination of a single line or de- 
sire the alteration of any scene. It is the foremost Amer- 
ican society-play, and is far preferable to the usual French 
production, both in point of tendency and treatment. 
The acting and wise at see tie are very satisfactory. In 
plays like Young Mrs. Winthrop it is scarcely required 
that the actor infuse his part with anything like original- 
ity. If the idea of the author be but fully realized, the 
performance must prove sympathetic. Yet it is but jus- 
tice to say that it may be doubted if even Mr. Howard 
himself could have suggested anything that would have 
added materially to the enjoyment of the performance as 
presented by the Madison Square Troupe. 

My Sweetheart, at the Bush Street Theater, is one of 
those hybrid plays which serve to illustrate the speciali- 
ties of one or two performers. It is the usual medly of 
song, dance, burletta and an attempt at sensational busi- 
ness. To one who attends performances of that kind, 
careless of what may be offered, content with what may 
be had, pleased with trifles, My Sweetheart may prove sat- 
isfactory. As a performance following so closely upon 
the heels of Pop it suffers by comparison and cannot be 
called anything short of a failure. 

The performances of the German Company at the Cali- 
fornia Theater are characterized by a painstaking consci- 
entiousness worthy of emulation, under the skillful man- 
agement of Madame Genee, and our German public fully 
appreciate them. Last Sunday evening introduced a new 
star, Mr. Link, alow comedian of a peculiarly German type ; 
quite original in his way and certainly very amusing. 
Mr. Link is an excellent character actor and a good singer, 
combining with those qualities an original grotesqueness 
and agile versatility which is bound to make him a great 
favorite. Next Sunday evening One of Our People will be 
the attraction. 

Mrs. Francisca Ellmenreich struggles through her two 
weeks of full-dress rehearsals. Although her perform- 
ances are quite finished and her representations are of a 
superior character, yet the audiences are scarcely numer- 
ous enough, even for a first class full-dress rehearsal. 
However that is not the fault of the actors, but of an in- 
capable management. 

The Tivoli has still its Bridge of Sighs. 

The Winter Garden has been reopened. 

The Grand Opera House opens next Monday with 
Fighting Fire. 

The Minstrels are doing well. 



,1 



A sure cure for impoverished blood, pimples and sallow 
complexion, is Brown's Iron Bitters. It will produce a 
healthy color, smooth skin, and is absolutely not injurious. 

SST For five cents, Wells, Richardson & Co., Burling- 
ton, Vt., will send colored samples of all colors of Dia- 
mond Dyes, with directions. 

DENTISTRY. 
O. O. Dean, D. D. S., 126 Kearny street, San Francisco. 



PEMBROKE, 

Wat.W.U, and Jeweler, \| q , rench Clllck 

', ""''•"" gdAjl Bri ; ■■ | 

s[ '■ near Powell, San Fran 

"KIDNEY DISEASE 

I'-mi. Irritation i eteutton, Incontinence, D 
travel, etc., cured by" Buchupaiba, ft] |> 

MOTHER sw\\ s WORM s\ i;i p 

Infallible, tasteless, harmless, cathartic ; for feverwh- 
nes,s, restlL-ssne-s, worms, constipation. 25c, 




LYDIA E. PiNKHAM'S 

VEGETABLE COMPOUND. 



Is a P. 



re Cure 



For nil thoBc Pnlnful ComphtlnU and Weaknesses 

no caramon to our bent female population. 

A ML'ilicino for Womnn. Invented by a Womnn. 

Prepared by a Womnn. 

The fircnlwil Hedlcnl Dl^orcr.r Since tlie Down of Hlalorr. 

t^*It revives the drooping' spirits, invigorates and 
harmonizes the organic functions, gives elasticity anil 
firmness to the step, restores tlie natural lustre to the 
eye, and plants on the pale cheek of woman the t resu 
roses of life's spring and early summer time. 
K3?~Physicians Use It and Prescribe It Freely =£0 

It removes faint nc-sa, flatulency, destroys all craving 
for stimulant, and relieves weakness of the stomach. 

That feeling of bearing down, causing pain, weight 

and backache, is always permanently cured by it* use. 

For the cure or Kidney Coraplatota of cither bcz 

this Compound I* unsurpassed. 

i/rniA e. putkiiasFs blood purifier; 

will eradicate every vestige of E amors from the 
Blood, and give tone ami B&ength to the system, of 
man woman or child. Insist on having It, 

Both the Compoand and Blood Purifier are prepared 
at 233 and 235 Western Avenue, Lynn, Mass. Price of 
either, 3L Six bottles for $5, Sent by mail in the form 
of pills, or of lozenges, on receipt of price, §1 per box 
for either. Mrs. Pinkham freely answers all letters of 
Inquiry. Enclose 3ct. stamp. Send for pamphlet. 

No family should be without LTDIA E. PlNKHAM'S 
LTVEB, PILLS. TheV cure constipation, biliousness, 
and torpidity of the liver. 25 cents per box. 

jBSTSold by all Druggists.^! O 



KIDNEY- WORT 



FOR THE PERMANENT CURE OF 
CONSTIPATION 

No other disease is so prevalent in this coun- 
try as Constipation, and no remedy has ever 
equalled the celebrated Kidney-Wort as a 
cure. Whatever the cause, however obstinate 
the case, this remedy will overcome it. 
n|| CC THIS distressing c 
■ ItCOi plaint is very apt to be 
complicated with constipation. Kidney- Wort 
strengthens the weakened parts and quickly 
cures all kinds of Piles even when phy3ioia " 
and medicines have before failed. 
*2- tyif you have either of these troubles 



PRICE $lT| USE | PruggiBts Sell 



KIDNEY- WORT 




GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY, 

Is a certain cure for NliBVOUS DKBILITY, 
LOST MiNHOOD, and oil tho evil ctiecta of 
youthful follies and excesses. 

in:, mm- ■ is a regular physislan, 
graduate of (be University or Pennsylvania, 
will agree U forfeit Hie Hundred Duilari for 
acaecofthobiod tbc VITAL KfcSTOUATIYE 
(under Lis special ndvlec ODd tronimc '.) will 
not cure. Price, S3 a bottle; four times the 
Quantity, $10. Sunt 10 aoy nddrcsii, conn- 
DEVTI.U.V, by A. F.. MINTiR. M. II., No. II 
Kearny Street. 8. P. Semi f'T pmnnrilel. 

SAnl'I.E BOTTLE FUKK will be sent to 
any one applying by letter, sUiiinc s> mputms, 
apt mid ace Slrint necreev lr 




touzh, Lom of roleo. Inclpleiri t'onurampllMs and a 

Tlirn:it mill I, nil*: Trmiblr*. 

In rune cases out of ton, one dose taken at bedtime will 
effectual ly an d permanently! eradicate tin- severest form 
■'flXKlJ ENZA,COLD IX THE HEAD or CHEST. 
For Loss of Voice, Chronic Bronchitis, Cough of long 
standing, and fncipienf I Sonsumption, a longer xse of it U 
required to effect a permanent cure, 

ASK. FOB THE 

California Hall's Pulmonary Balsam, 

AND take \o OTHER. Price, BO Cents, 

J. R. GATES & Co., Druggists, Frop'rs. 
4i; Biuuome street, cor. Commercial, s. f. 



A CH1NCE OF A LIFETIML 




rektj publication, 
ike n>" following 



Wl -l.in • to Introduce our new ;ill i I .■ ,,,[!;, 
THE COLDEN ARGOSY- "" 
united Ptalas where it l# ma now utun, w 
.. .hi.' mid ni m,-ii IDce lit ollVr to all 
Ilncmeiit, rclyin™ upoD futurr patroou^r Tor <■«■> 

pro lit. It you will und u» SOrt*., widen is llio price «r.i 

llirec mnnil)i>'*iil<iirrlpil we will forward yon 

OXE sn.\ I Mt PL \ I I it iu i i lit KNIFE, 
OAK **n \ i it-i-i Y i i u HUGAJX Spoilt. 
NIX SILVtn Mi:il.-ri.\ll.U TE.1 SPOIIIVS, 
parked In a neat box, nil eliark-eS prepaid. Thran ironds ore w<.n:i 
and are Bold for more th.in twice tlie subscription price, and If nut 
perfectly natlaluctory n.av be returned, and wo will refund llio 
money In every cane. Oar onlyabject In m .. hi„- tliii offer 
to you la to place In your Imtidn tin? beat nud most popular weekly 
atory paper in the United States, Udlevlnr yon v. i I always re- 
main a subscriber after once rending some of lis fatclnatlnr ato~ 
ilea. In Ibo thirteen nu m l«r« youv. ill r.-. c-Ivp will l.e found four 
aerial stmles by HORATIO ALGKK, Jit.. KDWAKD 8. KLM3, 
HOLLO KOHBIN'S, Jn., and HAKIJY GUBTLBU0N. ADyoiie„f 
1u.-i.oBton.-a w».en bound In l.«uk form Bell for »1.25. THE 
COLDEN OARCOSY Ib the n... s. itiu«tratrd aul 

i «?IfSjant «»-*-ltIy paper publl^lied Id the United 

BlateB,COBIIllg nearly SSOO a week to II I not rate. Wo are poll- 
live When once Introduced Into a family It will always remain and 
wc shall alwuyfl havo yon na a permnuent ,- ■■> ■ ■■■■ r. Our IIkI of 
cunliibutorBcmtiiac.; I lie l..ent latent o( tlie world, among whom 
m a y be mentioned: IKJltAT ALUKK, Jk., EDWAHD s. ELLIS, 
HARRY CASTLEHON', FKANK H. C0WTEB8B, JURY A. 
DKMSON, KDWAKD ETKEB1T II ALE, OLITEB OPTIU and* 
IIobt of Otiikks. Our Firm la known aa one of the tnoal rell.Ho 
lu t he UniK-d States, and doing a biulncfts o! $»00,000 yearly 
w nn tdu rountry people as we do. we eonld not afTord to mlnre- 
pn-acnt WeicrcrtonnyNewYoikpubllBlieraftStoourrellalimy. 
Show Ihla to yom frlenila, and get Oto to join you, and wo will 
eend you your aiihiicrliiHon lice. Addrena all orders to 
E. C. R1DEOUT 8c CO., I» RarrlajRI., Sew York. 

•t* Cut this out, It will not appear again. 



DEALERS _IN FURS. 

Alaska Commercial Co., 

310 Sansome Street, 
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA. 

Wholesale'. 



/LADIES ATTENTION!,!,! 

' 100,000 new readers for our par, 
-J. in order toollluiu them, nud to in 

l* It into every lioinc in tlie I'MON, wcareT. 

iiijtcxtruordnmiy i.IKts. W'v will Bcml tho l 

W\>, ■-! r.uiiilv 1'uper published, cut itU-d *' Youth ' 

r ti>r the next Uiree tuonilu to all who will send uil 

130 cents, in one-cent poaloge itomps, to help pnyf 

Ipostapc ami cn.it ot this advertisement! and to i-acliL 

I pertonwe will send free the following! Our Combi-i 

|nation Family Ncc-dle Package, containing vjsm 

Needle-, put up in improved wrnpperi.1 

1 ■■: the I'ulliiwiiig: 4 pnper "" 

itcd bod It ilia, '•'■ long cotton aurncm, _'| 
laracrs, J extra line cotton dnrnere. 
worsted, 1 timtto, L'cnrpet. nud.lbutl.i 
ton nno sttih beautifully fliaged H.utW 
_ ,,w« JhinUrrrhirf. I U-imln-ul Orirn-I 
|m/ C'A'iir r, t„, i ft.-,,,,.,/ i,„,„.rtc-/ Law,, ^/<«»/e| 
" YOUTH "U ft l:ir«' ''■'.-!■• .Iiiniri ) llimtralcd Litc-j 
krary and Faintly Puner, tilled with Clmrming/ 
^Storiea, Sketches, Poems, Puzzles, Pictures,- 
in foot, everything to nmutc tud in-tructj 
wliolc Iiiniily circle, from the uses i 
eight io eighty. Write to-day. Address 
i. Youth Publishing Company,! 
'ttDoanc Street, BOSTON, laASA.j 



P ENNYROYAL PILLS 

IheCaacaru-Mfj Co. 2313 Madison Square, Phlla, Pa 



are Safe, CVrtnJn 

llllll I .lici'i 1l;i I. 



14 



THE WASP. 



CANCELLED NOTES. 

D. A. M. Buoy. ■- It is true, as you allege, that Sweden 
is .about to erect a monument to the fa ue of Charles 
Darwin. But it is untrue that Mr. Darwin was the 
author of the celebrated aphorism : " The Dutch 
have taken Holland.' 1 That sentence is an excerpt 
from a powerful work called The Letters of Junius, 
written by Mr. Loring Pickering. 

G. Irltgir.IiE. — You are unwise. The hosen possibilities 
you display are so indifferently exploited by the tin- 
type you send that one is bewildered to distinguish 
'twixt the limbs of the chair and the legs of the lady. 

John Bunyan.— Surely so genteel a spook as you should 
know better than send us an article on reciprocity in 
your own handwriting. If you had asked Mr. M. 
Harry de Young to copy it for you, now. 

Altoe. — No one on the staff of this paper has ever been 
in ''Wonderland." The only San Franciscan jour- 
nalist known to have been there is Mr. Tom Vivian 
of the Chronicle. That gentleman, in relating his ex- 
perience, used always to ejaculate: "Oh! howl 
had 'em ! " 

Enquirer : — The youngest member of the British Cabi- 
net is Mr. Gladstone, who is seventy-three. The old- 
est is Sir Charles Dilke, who is thirty-nine. 

Nancy Lee.— Sacred poetry might be admitted to this 
office. It never has been permitted to leave it. 

Queen of Magnetism.— A copper crown invites a nickel 
fee. You ought to furbish your guilt. 



HOW TO TEST BAKING POWDERS. 



■Nearly every one who keeps a nose must have observed 
in hot biscuits a peculiarly unpleasant odor. It is com- 
monly gone before you can make up your mind what it is 
like, nothing being more elusive than the memory of an 
odor. This disagreeable smell is in most instances due to 
the presence of ammonia in the baking-powder with 
which the biscuits are made. Putting aside the question 
of whether or not ammonia is wholesome, is there any- 
thing in it, in the manner of its production, in its associa- 
tions, to make the eating it an agreeable subject to think 
about ? Most people probably regard it with much the 
same feeling that inspired the man who had dined on 
crow, they can eat it but they don't hanker after it. Now, 
the housekeeper by a very simple method can detect the 
presence of adulterations in baking-powder. She has 
only to boil a small quantity in a little water. If the 
powder contains starch — which nearly all adulterated 
powders do contain— it will make paste, and if ammonia 
is present it will manifest itself while the starch is warm 
by an odor strong enough to be unmistakable. No bak- 
ing-powder should ever be used without having been sub- 
jected to this simple and unfailing test. 

A baking-powder is made here in San Francisco that is 
absolutely free from ammonia, starch and all other adult- 
erants. That is the New England. It is composed sole- 
ly of pure cream of tartar and bicarbonate of soda. It 
can be tested in the manner described, or in any other 
way, and it will bear the test. It is the best bak- 
ing-powder in the market. 



" Phew, times are hard ! Now I have 30,000 francs a 
year, and it is all I can do to make both ends meet ! " 

" Thirty thousand francs a year, and hard up ! Why, 
I have barely a third of the sum, and yet *' 

" 0, I know ; but then you have a wife and family, 
and so you can get along ! " 



At the ball : 

" What, you here, Gaston, when only two weeks ago 
you buried the wife who loved you so fondly and to whom 
you seemed so devoted ? " 

" Well, and where would you wish me to be ? " 

" It does seem to me that if I had lost the companion 
of my life I should be somewhere else, weep' " 

" Over her grave ? I know, but the cemetery closes at 
sundown ! " 



A NEW DEPARTURE IN THE APPLICATION 
OF ELECTRICITY. 

One of the most simple, useful and practicable applica- 
tions of electricity, which has yet been given to the pub- 
lic, is embodied in the new invention of the Portable 
Electric Light Company. The little machine which is 
now attracting so much deserved attention is a small elec- 
trical contrivance which performs the duties of lighter 
and a burglar alarm. As a lighter it can be arranged to 
produce instantaneous light throughout the house, and 
can also be attached to a medical galvanic coil by which a 
powerful current of electricity can be conveyed. The in- 
strument is small and compact, occupying a space only 
five inches square, and can readily be carried from room 
to room, as it weighs but five pounds. In the second ca- 
pacity when attached to window, safe or door, the un- 
failing current places the trespasser in a decidedly embar- 
rassing position, confronting such a party with a startling 
bell and instant light. It is equally adapted for the ordi- 
nary uses of a call bell. 

Many prominent business men are interested in the 
company, which was incorporated under the laws of Mas- 
sachusetts. Orders or inquiries should be addressed to 
the business office, No. 22 Water Street. The instru- 
ment is sold at the low price of five dollars for the 
lighter ; ten dollars complete with attachments.— Boston 
Evening Star, Jan. 3d. 

No family should be without the celebrated White Rose 
Flour, made from the best of wheat and by the celebrated 
Hungarian process. It is for sale by the following well 
known grocers: Messrs. Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Brown, 
422 Pine street, Lebenbaum & Goldberg, 121 Post street, 
Lebenbaum, Goldberg & Co., corner California and Polk 
streets, Pacific Tea Company, 995 Market street, G. Neu- 
mann, Grand Arcade Market, Sixth street, N. L. Cook & 
Co. , corner Grove and Laguna streets, Reddan & Delay, 
corner Sixteenth and Guerrero streets, H. Schroder & Co., 
2017 Fillmore street, Bacon & Dicker, 959 Market street, 
Cutter, Lloyd & Co., corner Clay and Davis streets, and 
Lazalere & Withram, corner Davis and Clay streets. 

, * # * " Example is better than precept." It is well 
known that dyspepsia, bilious attacks, headache and many 
other ills can only be cured by removingtheir cause. Kid- 
ney-Wort hns been proved to be the most effectual rem- 
edy for these, and for habitual costiveness, which so afflicts 
millions of the American people. 

REMOVAL. 

The old and well known house of J. W. Tucker & Coi 
lias removed to the corner of Kearny and Geary streets. 
Friends and the public will please take notice. 

Composed of the best known tonic, iron and cinchona, 
with well known aromatics, is Brown's Iron Bitters. It 
cures indigestion, and all kindred troubles. 



" What on earth makes you announce that you extract 
teetli without pain ? Didn't I hear every patient you had 
up here yell ! " 

"You did, sir," replies the peripatetic dentist, "but 
those were shrieks of joy which they uttered, sir ! They 
were so delighted, sir, at being painlessly relieved that 
they could not restrain their enthnsiani ! " 



AMUSEMENTS. 



German Theater. 

Directrice Ottilie Genee 



SUNDAY, - 



FEBRUARY i8ch, 



Ask for "Brook's" machine cotton. Experienced op- 
perators on all sewing machines recommend it. Glace* 
finish on white spools, soft finish on black. "Machine 
Cotton" printed on the cover of every box. For sale by 
all dealers. 

" CATARRH OF THE BLADDER." 

Stinging irritation, inflammation, all kidney and urin- 
ary complaints, curod by " Buchupaiba." 81. 

SPRING 1883. 

As Spring with its change of weather creates a revolu- 
tion in the very bowels of the earth, so does Plunder's 
celebrated Oregen Blood Purifier create the desired change 
in the human system. The best is always the cheapest, 
and health at any price is ever desirable. Use this medi- 
cine ; enjoy good health and save money ; SI a bottle, six 
for §5. 

* No lady of refinement likes to resort to superficial de- 
vices to supply a becoming semblance of her former beau- 
ty. It is health alone that kindles the fire that lights the 
countenance and brings hark the fresh tints of the apple 
blossoms to the faded check, If anything on earth will do 
this it is Mrs. Lydia Pinkham's Vegetable Compound 
which has already brought health to multitudes with 
whom all other means had failed. 



" FLIES AND BUGS." 

Flies, roaches, ants, bed-bugs, rats, mice, gophers, chip- 
munks, cleared out by " Rough on Rats." 15c. 

PHILADELPHIA BREWERY. 

The Philadelphia Brewery has sold during the year 1882 
64,1SS barrels of beer, being twice as much as the next 
two leading breweries in this city. (See Official Report, 
U. S. Internal Revenue, January, 1883.) The beer from 
this brewery has a Pacific Coast renown unequaled by any 
other on the Coast 



Charles W. Freeman Vincent A. Torras 

TORRAS & FREEMAN, 

Successors to John Wallace & Co. 

BOOK AND JOB 

[Printers 

419 Sacramento Street, 

Below Sansome San Francisco 

Printing in Spanish, French, Italian and 
Russian a specialty. 



Second appearance of the celebrated comedian, 

L I ZLST DSZ , 

"Isaak Stern," in the great character play, with Songs, 

ONE OF OUR PEOPLE I 

Reserved' seats every Saturday from 9 to 5 o'clock at 
Sherman & Clay's and every Sunday at California Theater. 



Tivoli Garden. 

Eddy street, between Market and Mason. 
Kreljng Bbos Proprietors and Manager* 

First week and unbounded success of Offenbach's 
charming Comic Opera, in four acts, 

THE BRIDGE OF SIGHS I 
Baldwin Theater. 

OUSTAVE PKOHMAN ' Lessee 

Unprecedented success of the greatest of American 
sensational Society Plays, 

YOUNG MRS. WINTHROPI 

By the entire 

MADISON SQUARE THEATER CO'Y. 

EVERY EVENING (except Sunday) AND AT THE 
SATURDAY MATINEE. 



THE MECHANIC'S OK SPORTSMAN'S 




Malic uf razor steel, fine Innidle, inlaid iminc- 
lilule. This wonderful Knife is almost as 
r 56 * useful lis mi entire carpenter's shop, 
^ and much handier. It hns screw-driver, flaw, 
«i kinit-iiiiticr, machine i r taking stones from 
\CJ5ft hosscs" feet i rimnier, binri-nwl, nut-cracker, 

^ST corkscrew, stout small bliide, aid a large, 
idc bade It is a full-sized Knife. Entire length, 
les -lint. I inches: weight, about -I ounces. Every 
irantecd exactly as represented nr money returned, 

luce ii F ily I'nper entitled '* Youth " '"'« 

i . wi will Mini it for the 1 PXt four moi (lis to all 
tvnd "• lorty-cicht cents, anil to each person 



Youth Publishing Co., 27 Doane St., Boston, Mass. 

J. D. SPRECKELS & BROS., 

Shipping £ Commission 

M ERCH ANTS. 

... AGENTS FOE 

Spreckels' Line of Hawaiian Packets, 

S. S. Hep worth's Centrifugal Machines, 

Reed's Patent Pipe and Boiler Covering. 

No. 327 Market Street, 

Corner Fremont, SAN FRANCISCO. 



The 

o 
i— i 

ti 
H 
D 

H 
H 



Crowning Triumph 



of 




-r/r^r 



iioic\k> patent eiectii 

world in grand improvements, sc 
electrical action. Most powerful, 
in curing; diseases. Thousands of w 
mechanics, ministers, laborers, bar. 
senators cured of diseases which 1 
Belt received the highest Awards 
ilia State Fairs, 1S80 and 1881- 
bv the State to Electric Belts, i 
HERALD. Testimonials ol highei 
mation free. 

W\ J. IIOICNE, INVENTOR and MtMIKIIKIIC 
Wi Market Street. S. ■■'. 



H KELT IIEAIKS THE 

jntific construction, constant 
iieapest, durable and effective 
.'11 kiiuwii citizens, merchants, 
ters, physicians, editors and 
efled all medical skill. This 
and Medals at the ( aliloi- 
the only medals ever awarded 
end for HORNE'S ELECTRIC 
t character and valuable infor- 



THE WASP. 



15 



OLIVE BUTTER. 

An Absolutely Pure Vegetable Oil. 



MANUFACTURED B1 



WASHINGTON BUTCHER'S SONS, PHILADELPHIA. 

For Cooking Purposes is better than Lard. Fully equal to Butter, and at much less cost than either. 
ONE POUND OP OLIVE BUTTER WILL DO THE WORK OF TWO POUNDS OF LARD. 

OLIVE BUTTER means health, economy and cleanliness ; absolute freedom from all adulterations of any kind. 

We present OLIVE BUTTER to the public with the conviction that it will permanently take the place of Lard and Butter for culinary iiuin.oses. It 
needs but a single trial to deinonstate its ^reat value and merits ; and we guarantee it for the following qualities viz : 

It is a pure vegetable product, free from adulterations and is much more nutritious than lard or butter. It remains perfectly sweet in every climate 
and is unaffected by age ; hence it never becomes rancid. It is much cheaper than lard or butter and requires but half the quantity to attain "the same 
results in cooking. Articles of food cooked with it retain their natural flavor ; no greasy taste is imparted, the oil not being so readily absorbed as ordinary 
lard or butter, because it is a vegetable product. 

The fact that we are and have been for many years manufacturers and refiners of lard— our trade amounting to millions of pounds annually -and now 
otter to the public this vegetable oil of our own manufacture, for culinary purposes in lieu of hud or butter, is of itself a sufficient guarantee. 

Our Trade Mark is secured by letters patent, registered at the Patent Office in Washington, D. C. 



DIRECTIONS: 

Use in the same manner for cooking as you would lard or butter, only use half the quantity for the same purposes. Put up in o'0-pound cases of 3, 5 
and 10 pound cans. For sale by all grocers. 

W. J. HOUSTON & Co., Sole Agents, 

No. 37 Market Street, 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



220 
222 



BUSH BTl^IEIET 



22* 
226 



pvUF 



ORNIA FURa// 



TU» 



The Largest Stock— The Latest Styles. 

CALL AND SEE BEFORE PURCHASING ! 
GOODS SHOWN WITH PLEASURE. 



F 4CTURING CO^ p 



MAKE HOWIE BEAUT IFUL! 

House Decorating Done in the Highest Style of Art. The 
Largest Stock of Wall Papers in the City. 

G. W. CLARK & CO., 

645 Market Street- 

WINDOW SHADES IN ANY STYLE Ok COLOR. 



CONSUMPTION 



I have a positive re. 
medy fur the above <lla- 

euNt' ; by Um uho Uioub- 
u ol cases of the 
Worst kind and ofloDg standing have been cured Indeed, so 'strong 
■S mv faith In Its elllai.'V, Dial I will .end TWO HOTTLKS FREE to- 
gether with a VALUABLE TltKATlSK ,m Oils .tls^e, to fiiiy Biiflpr- 
er. Give Express & P.O. address DR.T. A. SLOCUM, 181 Fenrl St., N.Y. 

A WEEK. §12 a day at home easily made. Costly Outfit 
free. Address Truk & Co., Augusta, -Maine. 



$72 



GREAT 
PACIFIC COAST MEDICINE. 



Morris & Kennedy. 

19 and £i Post Street. 

Artists' Materials and Frames 

FREE GALLERY. 



LIVER AND KIDNEY RECULATOR. 



WHISKIES! 

To the Trade. 

We beg to call attention to the following^full Jines'.of 
well-known brands of Rye and Bourbon : 

BODRBON. 

NELSON Fall 79 

MILLER. 0. C January, '81 

LEXINGTON Spring '80 

REDMOND Spring' 80 

L. VANHOOK ! .Spring '80 

E. C. BERRY, Sour Mash ■,. .Fall 79 

MONARCH, Sour Mash Spring '80 

WILOW RUN Fall 79 

KVK. 

HORSEY Spring 79 and '80 

NELSON Spring 79 

SHERWOOD Spring 79 

MONTTCELLO Spring 'SO 

MILLER Spring '80 

Agents for bonded goods from several distilleries. Sole 
Agents for 

lldolphn Woirc's Sclilcdnm l rniuntlc Schnapps. 
Daniel Lawrence anil Son's Hertford Rum. 

Willow Springs Distilling Cos's Spirits and 
Alcobol. 
Kennedy's East India Bitters. 
BFor sale to the trade in lots to suit. 

WM. T. COLEMAN & CO., 

Corner Market and Main Streets. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and 96 outfit free. Ad- 
dress H. Hallet & Co., Portland, Maine. 



AGENTS 



can now [n*asp a fortnne. Ont- 
in. wortli *M» free. Address E. 0. 
BIDE0UT & CO., 10 Barclay St., N.X" 



Sick Headache and 
Biliousness Entirely Cured. 



*-"£ 14/ASP 




ly "OUR LIT TLE BEA UTIES"- 



Round and Pressed 
CIGARETTES. " 



Pure, Mild, 
"Fragrant and Sweet." 



. ALLEN & G INTER, 

M n.i.r,,. ci.r. r.. I! »n 



ICOIA fj H £ m AILOR 



POPULAR PRICES! 



LARGE STOCK! Men's and Boys' 

J Ready-Made Chthing 



CHOICE WOOLEN 

Samples with Instructions for Self-Measurement Sent 




POPULAR TAILOR ! 



1 



POPULAR STYLES ! 

Men's Furnishing Goods. 



And Fancy Neckwear. 
816 & 818 Market Street, San Francisco. 



Alum 

Flour 

Starch 

Ammonia 

Phosphates 

Tartaric Acid 



Creai Tartar aMBi-Carli. Sofia 
NOTHING ELSE 

Won Bros. S Co. 

SAN FRANCISCO 



siiBiEiRai^iisr tb^hls^im: 

CURES Catarrh, Astimia, Croup. Cou^i.s, Colds, Affec- 
tions of the Bronchial Tubes and Pulmonary Organs, Dis- 
eases/^ the Kirlnevs and Urinary Organs It reaches the 
diseases through the blood and removes the cause. 

i.KiMtr. 4 is Movu;<»HKitv STREET. lor tale uy nil Drngckla. 



.t-!' ask For 

illows Deer 

Brewed Dy 0. FABSS & Co. 
WILLOW8 bhEWERY, 

S. E. Cor. Mission and 19th St&.San Francisco. 



ATKINS MASSEY, 
Undertaker. 

HI OCESSOR TO 

MASSEY A- KTJ KG, 

Ho. «.">■ SACK INE.VTII s licit. 

First Bouss belon Kearny. -San F&ANGIfloa 



"JESSE MOORE 

WHISKEY 

Superior in 

QUALITY. 




N. Van Bergen & Co., 
"COLD DUST" WHISKEY. 

113 tiny Street, 

SAN I'ltANClSCO. California. 



AN 

Extraordinary Razor 

HAS BEEN INVENTED BY THE QUEEN'S 
OWN CO. of England. The edge and body 
is so THIN and FLEXIBLE AS NEVER TO RE- 
(JURE GRINDING, and hardly ever setting. It 
glides over the face like a piece of velvet, making 
shaving quite a luxury. It is CREATING A 
GREAT EXCITEMENT in Europe among the 
experts, who pronounce it PERFECTION. 
Two dollars in buffalo handle; S3 iu ivory- 
Every Razor, to be genuine, must bear on the 
reverse side the name of .\ATII45f JOSEPH, 
841 Clay street, San Francisco, the only place in 
the United States where they are obtained. Trade 
supplied ; sent by mail 10c. extra or C. 0. D. 

Tlie Queen's Own Company having en- 
larged their factory, are now making PEARL and 
IVORY CARVING' KNIVES. TABLE and POCKET 
KNIVES, HUNTING KNIVES and SCISSORS, of 
the same quality as their marvelously wonderful 
RAZOR. 




MOORE, HUNT & CO., 

417 and 419 
Market Street, 

San Francisco. 



Prkutiss Sklby, Sup't. 



H. B. U.vdbriiiIjL, Jr., Sec'y. 



Selbv Smelting and Lead Co. 

MANUPACTURKRS QV 

1-..1 i-ine s irc-t trail, shot, Kiir lead. Pig Lend, Solder, Anti-Friction Metal, lend 
lead I Ipe. s e, I $&,«„»»'»•„,„ T ltl ,„. k rl „, ,.|„e, Blue Stone. Etc. 

San Francisco 



Office, 416 Mon i gomery Street 

Refiners of Gold and Silver Bars and Lead Bullion. 



Lead and Silver Ores Purchased. 



DANICHEFTT 
Kid Gloves - 1 - 

AL.WAYS G IVE SA TISFACTION 

Factory, 119 Dupont Street, 

Bet. Geary and Post San Francisco 



w 



ASK YOUR GROCER FOR THE 

HITE ROSE FLOTJIR 

HAWDFACTDBED BV THE 

Celebrated Hungarian Process. 

tfSTSee local notice in another column, 



<&-QTJD KEXTnCKY WIIISKF.V 



OCEANIC STEAMSHIP CO. 

J. D. SPRECKELS & BRO'S, 
387 Market Street, 

OWNERS OF 

Spreckels' Line of Packets. 

Packages and Freight to Honolulu. 



•fz: NABOB 




THE BEST 

In the World. 
ASK YOUR 

Druggist or Grocer for it. 



os-DEPOT, 429 and 431 BATTERY STREET. SAN FRANCISCO. ^ 




PianoS 



Oluckerlng fc Sons. Boston; Bluthner .Leipzig | 

F, L. NeuiDHQu, Hamburg; O. Sehwechtwrj., 

Berlin, 

PIANOS TO RENT. 

B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrell St 

VF.AB MARKET. SaN FKAN^ISPO. 



j. J. Palmer. 



VaLKNTINB ItKY. 



PALMER & REY, 

ImportersorPrlntlnsandldUiOEnipiiliig 

PRESSES 

And Material. 

Sole agents for Cottrell & Babcoek, Peerless and 
Campbell presses, ami new Baxter engines ; also 
makers of the Excelsior steam engines, 

Warflroomst,405<fe407SanKomeSI.S P 

We have ou hand at present B large number of 
second-hand printing presses, 



CRAIG & KREMPLE 

SUOOKSHOBfl TO 

Craio and Son, 

UNDERTAKERS 

And EMBALMERS, 

22 & 26 MINT A VENUNE. 

The finest Reception Rooms in the State. 
All orders promptly attended to. 



!. ItawceHis Jr., 

.San Francisco. 

C. II. H 'I'. 

O K 

JESSE MOORE & Co J 
Louisville, Ky. 

II. it. Hunt, 

San Francisco. 



DR -THOMAS HALL'S 

mm 



Bitter] 

ABSOLUTELY PURE 

A delightful appetizer, giving tone and strength 
to iiM-' stomach, and a* a tonic beverage it has no 
equal ; will cure Dyspepsia or Indigestion, Fever 
and Ague, Biliousness, General Debility and 

kindred diNuu.sc*. . ■■ J-, H r "^'S3 &,>* 

: This tonic is most beneficial in its results; it 
■ braces the Bystem, creates an appetite, and de- 
Mtroys that wretched feeling ot* ennui which we 
constantly labor under in this enervating climate. 
Tho tonic for its medieul qualities excels any 
other ever offered to the public, having taken the 
first premium at the fairs of Sacramento, San 
.lose, Stockton, Oakland and San Francisco for 
absolute purity, made- from' pure California Port 
Wine, Wine of P psin and Elixir I'alisaya. 

£7; For sale everywhere thrrougllout the State. 
Depot at JAMES II. GATES' drug store, cor. New 
Montgomery and Howard streets, San Francisco, 



DRINK FALK'S MILWAUKEE BEER. 



Btsr HARDWOOD LUMBER- 



. John Wij^more, 

129 lo 147 SFEAK1 [SI ltl.171 ',|»S I NJ I KANUSCO. 



o 

o 



o 
W 

w 

o 

w 
w 

> 



3 

w 

& o 

*£ 

fig 

B 



CO 
ISO 

w 

CD 

X/l 

CD 
CD 



"W-hDOANE & HENSHELWOOD- -Popular Dry goods House-132 Kearny SUsSSk 




KOiiu:it «!fr CHASE, 13? to 130 Post St., 

Sole Agents for the Celebrated 

Decker Bros Piaaos 

Also for the 
FISCHER and the EMEKSOV Pianos. 

Cash or installments. Largest Piano and Music 
House on the Coast. 



H. R. Willi ar, Jr. 



A. Carlisle. 



A. CARLISLE & CO. 

Commercial Stationes, 

226 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

San Franctscc 



H. HOESCH, 

Restauran t, 

Bakery and Confectionery, 

417 Pine Street, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, San Francisco 



THE NEVADA BANK 

OF SAN FRANCISCO. 
Capital Paid lip - - $3,000,000 
Reserve II. S. Bonds - - 4,500,000 

Agency at New York 62 Wall street 

Agency at Virginia, Nevada. 

Buys and sells Exchange and Telegraphic Transfers. 

Issues Commercial and Travelers' Credits. 
This Bank has special facilities for dealing in Bullion. 



^Visk 




Throat, 



Catarrh,/ - ; $ „,M 



Lungs, 



Fevers. 



IT WILL CURE 
CONSUMPTIO N 

P. 0. Box, 1886. 
Address: 




For Coughs, Colds, 
Whooping Coughs and 
all Throat affections 
it has no equal. 



VALENTINE HASSMEK. <):!:! Washington St:, cor. Powell, S. F. 



_JNO. LEVY & CO., 

Makers and Importers of Fine Jewelry, 

DIAMONDS, PRECIOUS STONES, WATCHES, 

SILVERWARE, CARRIAGE and MANTEL 

Clocks, Opera-glasses, Fans. Etc., 



IIS SUTTER ST 



. San Francisco, Cal, 



THOMAS DAY & CO., 

122 and 124 Sutter Street, 

Are now opening a very choice assortment of elegant 

Gas Fixtures, Fine Lamps, sconces, Candlesticks and 

Bouillottes. 

RARE BRONZES. BISQUE and FAIENCE WARE 
IN GREAT VARIETY. 



FIRE. MARINE. 

The Largest Pacific Coast Insurance Company 



All 



OF CALIFORNIA. 

ASSETS $1,250,000 

HOME OFFICE: 

S. W. Cor. California and Sansome Sts, 

SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 
T>. J. Staples, President. 

Alpheus Bull, Vice-President. 
Wlf. J. Button, Secretary. 

E. W. Carpenter, Assistant Secretary. 



0. I. HUTCHINSON. H. B. MANN. 

Hutchinson & Mann, 

INSURANCE AGENCY, 
N.E. Cor. California and Sansome Sts 

CASH ASSETS REPRESENTED $23,613,618 

W. L. Chalmers, Z. P- Clark, Special Agents and 
Adjusters. Capt. A. M. Hums, Marine Surveyor. 



INSURANCe 



^ig^ii^ 




FIRE and^iiS^' MARINE. 

415 CAXIFOKNIA ST., SAN FKANHSCO. 
Capital, ; ; ; $300,000 oo. 

OFFICERS— C. L.Taylor, President; J. N, Knowlea 
Vice-Pres. ; Ed. E. Potter, Sec'v and Treasurer. Di- 
rectors—I. Steinhart, R. D. Chandler, Gustave Nie- 
baum, J. B. Stetson, J. J. McKinnon, Francis Blake, 
E. B. Pond, Alfred Barstow, C. L. Ding-ley, J. N. 
Knowles, C. L. Taylor. 



FACIFIC DEPARTMENT. 

GUARDIAN ASSURANCE CO., 

Of London, 
40G CALIFORNIA STREET, S. I . 



% 



PACIFIC BUSINESS COLLEGE. 



k 



B 



■ 



LIFE SCHOLARSHIP FOR A FULL BUSINESS COURSE, $70. 



THE 

OLDEST, 

BEST 

APPOINTED, 
BEST 

Regulated, 

MOST 

THOROUGH 

BUSINESS 
COLLEGE 

OK THE 

Pacific 11 oast. 

Of 




HEADS 

OF 

Families 

■ (Of moderate means) 

can aiva 

THEIR SONS 



Good Business 

EDUCATION 

AT 

Exceedingly 

LOW 
TERMS. 

SEND FOR CIRCULAR. 



VIEW OF ACTUAL BUSINESS DEPARTMENT OF PACIFIC BUSINESS COLLEGE. 



,0 POST STREET, SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. 



ml 



T*n* 



'"*^« 






VOL. X. SAN FRANCISCO, FEB. 24. 1 S8H 



N. . 



R O K D E R K 1 * 

Onampagne. 



' faM 



Fob 
Breakfast 

ASD 

Lunch 

!o to the 

New England 

KITCHEN. 

5 22 

Cullfitriilu St. 



hHE CELEBRATED 

IAMPACNE WINES 

■mot. Deit/& Gklukruass Av, en Champagne. 



I IA4IIET KLA\<- Extra Bry, 

In cases quarts and pints. 

CABINET (.KEEN SEAL, 

In boskets, quarts ami pints. 

BDEAIX BED AND WHITE WINES, 

In eases from Messrs. A. de Luze & Fils. 

HOIK WINES, 

n cases from G. M. Pabstmann Sohn, Mainz. 

arles Meinecke & Co., 

Importers and Sole Agents, 
:;n SACRAMENTO STREET. 



"Give ay son a 



lil.'t 
PHAMBEELAIW & ROBINSON 

BROPRIETrHB. 

R 



j 



ACIFIC 

„ BUSINESS 
ft OLLEGE. 



""SEND FOR CIRCULARS! (I 



Leopold Bro's 

IT-Loir-ist 

35 POST STBEET, below Kearny 
Bonqnets BasketB,'Wreathes,CroBseF 






S 




hotographer. 



.DUOR MERCHANTS, 

822 and 824 FRONT STREET, 
HI FRANCISCO. - CALIFORNIA 



LEN NTGARY&CO, 



."WHOLESALE. 



5COFIELD & TEVIS, 

Importing, 

tipping & Commission 

MERCHANTS, 

« and 13 2 Front Street. 

ALSO — 

ramento, Stockton and Los Angeles 



Regular Invoices received direct from Mr. Louis Roederr-r. Beinu, over Ji 
Consular Invoice.) Before purchasing;, see tint each ease anil bottle bears our name. 

MACON DRAY & CO 



.'jiintun- and 
Sok- Agents (or the Pacific Coast. 



donald McMillan, 

Manufacturer and Dealer in 

SYRUPS, CORDIALS, BITTERS, 

ESSENCES, CALIFORNIA WINES, Etc., 
Til Front Street, 

(Near Broadway). SAN FRANCISCO. 



"White. House" Whiskies, 

ELEPHANT HOLLAND tilV 

tit KM II lilt I Mill.-., 

1'IIIIT. -Ill Kill. Etc. 
In bond or duly paid. 
GEORGE STEVENS, 
:;is Front Slreel, Boom '!, Sun Frnnrlseo 



FRAGRANT 




For Beautifying and Preserving the Teeth. 

FOB SALE III ALL DRI UGISTS. 



James Shea. A. Bocqukraz. R, McKke. 

SHEA, BOCQUERAZ & McKEE 

Importers and Jobbers of Fine 


E 


. MA RTI N &. Co., 

Importers and Wholesale Li»|Uor Dealers. 
" HILTON .1. IIAIIDI," 

"J. F. CITTEH," 
and " WILLI : It's EXTRA" 

Old Bourbon Whiskies. 


WINES AND LIQUORS, 

Corner Front and .laehson street-. 




SAN FRANCISCO. 


408 FRONT STREET, S. F. 



a r~* ~r— T T ■ "T T* Z 

Milwaukee Beer 

Bottled by VOEOHTING, ^HAPE & CO., the Original Bottlers. 

RICHARDS & HARRISON, 

SOLE AGENTS. 
.V. W. Corner SANSOHE and Ml It llllMli Streets, Sun Francisco. 



f 



iper Heidsieok 



CHAMPAGNE! 



HENRY LUND & Co., Agents, 

.'il < il ii'nr niii m.. Mm t'rnm-Kro, * n\ 



" Excelsior ! " " Excelsior ! " 

C. Z1NNS, 

FASHIONABLE TAILOR, 

No* 3 MotUKuiiicr.v SIrri'I Ol iconic Temple), 



SAN FHANCLSC( 



m& COLTON 

DENTAL ASSOCIATION 

(Gas specialists for evtraetinj.' teeth without pain.) 
HAVE REMOVED TO 

Phelan's Building, 

BOOHS 6, H mill 10, 

Entrance, snfi Market street. 

Dr. lilts >V. Ill ( K I li. Dentist. 



EDA'ARD E. OSBORN. 

Solicitor of Patents, 

(American and Foreign,) 

320 CALIFORNIA STREET 

Correspondents in Washington, London, Victoria, 
Australia, Montreal, Berlin, Honolulu, Mexico. 



k 



Mean Stomach Bitters. 

Great Blood Purifier. Most Agreeable Tonlo ever Prepared. 

SPRUANCE, STANLEY & CO., Wholesale Liquor Merchants 

410 Front Street, S. F., Sole Agents for the Pacific Coast. 



DIj A i ^Ofl HazeIton Bros 
First Class, 1 pallet ^umston, 
,«• -■ t» • % A.jM. BENHAM, 

Medium Price,-! ^ h1s s EATO] 



FULL VALUE 

FOR YOTJR MONET 



OHAS. S. EATON. 

647 Market Street, 



SAN FRANCISCO. 




Sole Agents for 0. Ooarad 8c Co's 

e jBUDWEJSER BEERj 

WHOLESALE DEALERS IN 




321 MONTGOMERY STREET, San Francisco, Cal. 

Formerly United Anaheim Wine Growers' Association. 




Houseworth's 

Photographs 

The Highest Standard of Exeellenee, 
12 MONTGOMERY STREET. 



The 



JOHN UTSCHIG, 

Prize Boot and Shoe Maker, 




iarBeeelYed nwnnls of CALIFORNIA 
STATE A«;BICIILTI!RAL SOCIETY; also, 
MECHANICS' INSTITUTE, for the Best Work- 
manship. 



METJSSDORFFER'S HATS ARU 'THK STY1ES. 



N. E. Corner BUSH and MONTGOMERY Sts. 
and 404 KEARNY Street. 



Bur YOUR SHIRTS AND UWDERWEARI OF* CflRMflWY. 25 KEARNY STREET. 



L & E. EMANUEL, 

SUCCESSORS TO 

GOODWIN & CO. 

Manafacturerf", Wholesale and Retail Dealer* 
id every Description of 

Furniture ^ Bedding, 

The largest and finest assorted stock and lowest 
prices of any Furniture House in San Francisco. 

723 Market Street. 

SAULMANN'S 

Restaurant and Coffee Saloon 

German Bakery and Confectionery. 

520 CALIFORNIA STREET, 

Bet. Montgomery and Kearny, ban Fh-ancisio. 
Fresa Bread delivered every day and cakes 
made to Order. Sole agent for RUSSIAN OAV- 
IAR and WESTPHALIA HAMS German 
Sausages. A. BEHSCHE. 



CHAMPAGNE! 

DEI iiDMiriii.i: (extra), 

L. icolld.ltKlt (sweel and dry), 

MOET A (I1A\I>(»>. 

l'El'YE ( IKOIOI. 

For sale b, A. VIGNIER, 
429 AND 431 BATTERY ST. 



PALACE DYifi WORKS. 

(John F. Snow & Co.) 
tW Address all orders to PALACE DYE WORKS, 

633 Market Street, Palace Hotel. 

No Branch Office in San Francisco. 

Ladies' & Gents' suits, Gloves, Shoes, Furs. 

Feathers, Mats, Shawls, Veils, Sashes, Ties, 
Ribbons, Velvets, Blankets, Lace Curtains, Flan- 
nels, Etc., cleansed and dved without shrinking. 
< II VS. .1. HOLME*. I'mii. 




WILLIAM F. <?MITH M. D„ 

(Oculist.) 
TJiORMERLY AT No. 313 BUSH STREET. HAS 
" removed to Phelan's Building, Rooms 300 to 304 
Hours for Consultation : 12 M. to 3 p. M. [Elevator. 



DODGE, SWEENEY & Co., 

Wholesale 

Provision Dealers, 

Nos. 114 anil lie Market street, 
Nos. 11 and 13 California street. 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



R.S. Falconer, Sec'y. W. N. Miller, Supt. 
D. A. 11 1< i><>\ Ai i>. President. 

Enterprise Mill & Building Co. 

Sawing, Planing, Turning and 

Manufacturing, 

Frames, Doors, Sashes, Blinds & Mouldings 

;i ; to 235 Spear si., 218 to 226 Stuart St. 

San Francisco, Cal.. 



LICK HOUSE 

ON THB 

EUROPEAN PLAN. 

Elegantly furnished rooms. First-class Restaurant, 

THE HANDSOMEST DINING-KOOM 

In the World. 
Win. 1 . HARRISON, Manager. 



HIBERNIA BREWERY, 

MATTHEW NUNAN, Proprietor. 
HOWARD STREET, 

Bet. Eighth and Ninth, SAN FRANCISCO 
Superior Beer and Porter shipped daily to all parts 
of the City and State 




HILADELPHIA 

BREWERY 

Second St. near Folsom, S. F. 

THE LARGEST BREWERY-WEST OF ST. LOUIS. 



JOHN WIELAND, 



Proprietor 



W 

Wines and Liquors j ""^f'J*^ 



o 1 16 rs B rot h g rs Sl Go I ^ rancisc ° daneri. hbnrt Casanova 

aTtal . I F, DANERI & Co., 

Importers and Dealers in 

Dealers in 

LIQUORS, GROCERIES 

29 California Street, 

Bet. Davis and Drumm, - - SAN FRANCISCO 



221 California Street. San Francisco 



qan crancisco:qtock drewert, 

Capital Stock 

$200,000. 



OUR LAGER BEER BREW- 
ED BY THE NEW METHOD 
AND WARRANTED TO 
KEEP IN ANY CLIMATK. 




Corner of Powell 

AND 

Francisco Streets. 

Telephone 9012. 

Ale and Porter 

IN BULK OR BOTTLE. 

Superior to any on 
the Pacific Coast. 



RUDOLPH MOHR, Secretary. 



WILLIAMS, DIM0ND & CO, 

SHIPPING and 

COMMISSION MERCHANTS 

UNION BLOCK, 

MJNOTION MARKET AND PINE STREETS 

SAN FRANCISCO. 

AGENTS FOR PACIFIC MAIL S. S. CO.; 
the Pacific Steam Navigation Co.; the Cu. 
nard Royal Mail S S. C"- ; the Hawaiian Line, 
the China Traders' Insurance Co. (Limited): 
the Marine Insurance Co. of London; the Bald 
win Locomotive Wn»fes; the Glasgow Iron Oo. 
Nic^ A^hton & Sou's fjlt. 



PRODUCED BY FERMENTATION T 
IN THE BOTTLE. 

LIKE ALL FRENCH CHAMPAGNES. 




(3^dfe&A»^ 



530 WASHINGTON ST S.F. CAL. 

8S*~None Genuine unless bfurin^ our name on :Lnb^l and Cork . 



sm% 




KOHLER & FROHLING 

#* 626 iyiONTGOiyil-BY,ST.8L.S.E.CO_R.SUnEJg.aDUPai}I.STS, 

. r. : . . - -, - f^s 



L- P. DEGEN, Maker of 






Water Proof Leather Belting. 

13 Fremont St., San Francisco. 



A. FINKE'S WIDOW 







PQ 







CELEBRATED CALIFORNIA 



O p 



A M P A G N 



Pure, delicious and healthful. ■ 

soil iioM'i.oiii.ici St.. Sim Francisco. 
H . N. COOK, 

Manufacturer of 

OAK-TANNED 

LEATHER BELTINC& HOSE. 

105 MARKET STREET,! 

(Cor. Fremont) San Francisco. 

Every Lady Should 

know manning's 

Oyster Grotto". 



Established 1854. 
GEO. MORROW & CO., 

Hay, (.rain ami <'oninil*sioii Mer- 
chants. 

39 CLAY AND 28 COMMERCIAL STS., S. F 



Bonestell, Allen & Co , 

IMPORTERS OF 

P APE E 



OF ALL RINDS. 



413 and 415 Sanson.*- St. 




Drink 

BOCA 

Beer. 



The Only 
LAGER 

BEER 

Brewed on the Pacific 
Const. 

Office 
400 Sacramento Street, 

San Francisco. 



CALIFOBNIi 

Sugar Refinery, 

OFFICE, 327 MARKET STREET. 
Befinery, Eighth and Brannan streets. 

OLAUS 8PRE0KEL.S President 

J. D. 8FREOKEL8 Vice-Preident 

A. E. SPRE0KEL8 Secretary 

THE AMERICAN 

Sugar Refinery, 

SAN IK1M1SM1. 
Manufacturers of all classes of Refined Sugars, 
including Loaf Sugar for export. 
C. ADOLPHE LOW, Presldedt 
©nice— 208 ('allium ia street. 



Try Peruvian Bitters. 



SiTRADE 



MARK. 



-^STANDARD LEATHER BELTING. A - 



O. COOK & SON, 

415 JIABKET STBEET, S. F. 






GVOL. 10. 



X°<343 




wre/fcp /?rr//£ wsr f/f/ff rfr syrx/vr/fivc/scci CM JM JM/rrrf /#/? r/rf/ys/tr/ss/o/Y rW/nX/6// 77/f /tf/p/is '/r SSCOY2 <XfSS fjrss 




IP 

"NEVADA 



■C-Af It CRN! Av 



4RIXC 






THE MODERN LAOCOON 



THE WASP 



THE FATE OF WUN LUNG. 



Have you ever heard tell of Wun Lung ? 

If you haven't, just list to my story ; 
It'll harrow your soul, it'll make your tears roll, 

For its tinged more with terror than glory. 
The scene is laid here, the time but last year — 

I deal not with days stale and hoary. 

Would you know how appeared this Wun Lung ? 

He was ugly, and little, and yellow, 
Had a small flattened nose, and wore scarecrow clothes 

And in years was approaching the mellow ; 
And his up-standing eyes wore a look of surprise. 

Yes, Wun Lung was a queer sort of fellow. 

Would you know where resided Wun Lung ? 

'Midst Chinatov.-n's wretchedest squalor ; 
He'd eat and he'd sleep where a cat scarce could creep, 

His surroundings not worth half a dollar. 
His lodging was bare of both table and chair, 

And than many a kennel was smaller. 

Would you know what he did — this Wun Lung ? 

For a low Chinese " hell " he was doorman, 
And every night, whether wet, dull, or bright, 

He stood there to stop or to lure man. 
And if ' ' Meliean man " any entrance should plan, 

.Wun gave the alarm to the foreman. 

Would you know of the lo /es of Wun Lung ? 
He loved very much, and loved badly ; 
On lumpy Ching Ching, and greasy Cho Ling, 

And vacant Gee Fatt he looked gladly ; 
And for him in their turn they let their hearts yearn, 
And hated each other most madly. 

Would you know how they fared with Wun Lung ? 

One day to Ching Ching he'd go stealing, 
Next day for Gee Fatt his heart would pit-pat, 

And the next to Cho Ling he'd be kneeling ; 
And so puzzled he got midst the charms of the lot 

That his heart ran the risk of congealing. 

Would you know how they worried Wun Lung ? 
At night, when his work was severest, 
They'd rush to his side, one another deride, 

And each claim Wun Lung as her " dearest " ; 
And when Lung was done, to better the fun, 
He'd run with the one that was nearest. 

Would you know which did marry Wun Lung ? 

One day, when with opium demented, 
Ching Ching came along, and gave coaxings so strong 

That he wedded ber— then he repented. 
Yes, he married Ching ChiDg, without parson or ring, 

And when sober the business resented. 

Would you know how Ching treated Wun Lung ? 

She vowed she'd dire punishment measure 
To the Mongol who said if he hadn't her wed 

His life would have been more a pleasure ; 
So she waited the hour when firm in her power 

She could torture poor Lung at her leisure. 

Would you know what she'd stored up for Lung ? 
One night, when he'd supped off clam chowder, 
She his opium charged, and the dose much enlarged, 

Then filled a revolver with powder ; 
And as he lay dazed the pistol she raised, 

And used all the strength heaven allowed her. 

Would you know the hard fate of Wun Lung ? 

Well, the pistol? so heavily loaded. 
Was let off so close to his small pretty nose 

That the worst of all deaths was foreboded ; 
But the dose was too much, for at the first touch 

The blessed revolver exploded. 

Would you know what became of Wun Lung ? 

The wife of his bosom lay shattered ; 
The blow that was meant Wun's life to have spent 

Had Ching's own existence all scattered ; 
When Lung made it out what the row was about, 

He said that it hardly mattered. 

Would you know what next came to Wun Lung ? 

He went and he wedded another. 
This time for Cho Ling he made the great fling, 

And his bride with fond kisses did smother. 
But one day, to his awe, he discovered a flaw, — 

He'd married both Cho and her mother ! 

Would you know what at last befell Lung ! 
He yellower grew, and more ghastly, 



For the mother of Cho carried on with him so 
That in Chinese he cursed her,and vastly ; 

Yes, this mother-in-law was the one final straw, — 
He died of her ; such was his " lastly." 

Would you now like the moral of Lung 1 
The moral this tale has been spelling 
Is that dangers most great the Benedick wait 

Who's a mother-in-law with him dwelling, — 
More than pistols or fire, or murderous ire, 
For only death gives her expelling. 

— James Burnley. 
San Francisco, February $4, 1SS3. 



THE SQUAWK OF A PLUCKED POET. 



I am tempted to give a little side incident of my 
last interview with Jay Gould and wrestle with 
Western Union in Wall street. I had . seen the 
stock go down about eighteen points and so bought 
one hundred. It fell five lower and I took a hun- 
dred more. Five points lower — I took another, 
and so on until I was getting alarmed. I thought 
Jay Gould under some obligations to me, or at best 
a true friend, and so stepped across from my hotel 
to see him. He was kind, quiet and purry as a 
kitten, almost playful, and soon began to point 
out on his maps the line of his new Atlantic cable. 
He himself opened the subject of telegraphs. 
The occasion was opportune. I handed him a cer- 
tificate of purchase of Western Union and asked 
him what to do, as I was already on the edge of 
my margin. He looked at the paper with a sweet 
and innocent surprise, as if saying : ' ' Only to 
think that any man would touch that worthless 
Western Union .' " 

' ' I'm so sorry that you have bought this stuff. 
My telegraph is the other line," he sighed at 
length. 

"\es; I know. But I bought it because I 
thought it cheap, Mr. Gould. 

"It is cheaper now, Mr. Miller." 

" And will it be cheaper, Mr. Gould ? " 

" Well, we —looking at his son — " have not a 
share of it. It ought to be a great deal cheaper. " 

"Then I shall sell twice the amount I hold, and 
hedge. Thank you, and good night." 

And the next morning I did sell — sell right and 
left — for the whole bottom seemed to be falling 
out of Western Union. It kept on tumbling and 
by noon I was even. By one o'clock I was not 
only even but almost rich. I was a richer man 
than I had ever been before. 

I remained a rich man about thirty-five minutes. 
The tide began to turn against me. Western 
Union bounded up with a rapidity that fairly made 
me dizzy, and by the time the hammer fell in the 
Stock Board I literally had not car fare left. 

Having plenty of leisure time after that I wrote 
-down the above conversation and have copied it 
here exactly. I have not seen Mr. Gould since. 
But I find that at the time he said he had not a 
share of Western Union he had two hundred 
thousand shares, and was picking it up as fast as 
he could knock it down. Honor ? — Joaquin Mille. 



A gentleman who is interested in the manufac- 
ture of that filthy compound called oleomargarine, 
approached the editor of this paper yesterday and 
said, in an aggrieved tone : '.' I wish you would 
let up in your attacks upon oleomargarme. You 
are injuring my trade, and taking the bread out of 
my children's mouths." " My dear sir," replied 
the editor, " if you grease their bread with the 
disgusting stuff you sell to others, the sooner it is 
is taken out of their mouths the better." The 
bull-butter man said nothing more, as he walked 
away with a saddened countenance. — California 
Grocer. 

Inquisitiveness rebuked : Mistress (to applicant 
for cook's position): " Why did you leave your 
last place?" Applicant: " You're very inquisi- 
tive, marm. I didn't ax yer what for yer last cook 
left you." 

When a woman rushes out into the yard, her 
eyes flashing with executive determination, and 
picks up a piece of board to throw at a hen, it is in- 
teresting to see how quickly all the children play- 
ing in the vicinity will run in front of her to pre- 
vent being hit. 

The Philadelphia News says that adulteration is 
so prevalent that you cannot purchase a quart of 
sand and be sure that it is not half su^ar. 



PERSONAL 



The Viennese " Waltz King" is about to wed a 
third wife, having divorced a. second. The new 
bride will not change her name, being already a 
Strauss, but will change her religion, being at pres- 
ent a Jewess. 



A jurist is not always unuseful. Chief Justice 
Cartter of the District of Columbia, in addition to 
the merit of spelling himself with two ts, has in- 
vented a wooden table cover. The dignity of the 
bench is preserved by the lucky circumstance that 
another fellow has secured the patent. 



Miss Emma Nevada Wixom, who is constantly 
being mistaken for Miss Emma Wixom Nevada, 
has had her salary raised. She promises not to re- 
turn to America until it has been raised to thirteen 
hundred dollars a month. Her sage-brush ad- 
mirers, fearing that she may be persuaded to re- 
main always in Paris, have offered her the free- 
dom of Virginia City. 



When Mrs. "Gath" asked Tom Ochiltree if he 
had heard that her George Alfred had called him 
" the greatest liar in America," Tom replied : 
' ' Yes, madam, but did you not know there were 
three greatest liars in America ? " "No; who are 
they 1" "Well, I'm one, and your husband is the 
other two." 



The New York World recently reported that 
Mephistopheles, tempted by the rumors of wild 
and unceasing gayety, visited the metropolis two 
weeks ago and attended two balls at the Academy, 
one at Delmonico's and several other entertain- 
ments, and was discovered on Saturday evening at 
the Grand Central depot looking slightly dispirited 
and about to start for home. To the " farewell " 
of a bystander he remarked : " I've had a perfect 
time ; it has been beautiful and enjoyable ; but I 
can't stand it any longer and am going back to 
my quiet little infernal regions for a while." 



The late Lord Keane's will stated in unequivocal 
terms that his funeral must not cost more than two 
hundred and fifty dollars. His father's cost five 
hundred pounds and the Earl made comment : 
" Which I consider a shameful waste of money." 



That eminent vivisectionist, Br. J. Burton San- 
derson, has accepted the Wayneflete Professorship 
of Physiology in the University of Oxford. There 
iB much regret expressed thereat by the leading 
physiologists in this city. It was at one time hoped 
that Dr. Lane bad been able to secure the distin- 
guished Londoner for the Cooper College of this 
city. If that had been possible vivisection of the 
medical brethren of the Toland College and the 
Homeopathic Class in Oakland would have been 
far more pleasurably scientific than it now is. 

The Stockton Herald, in mentioning the ruauy 
recent stories about David Davis, says : "Although 
he weighs over three hundred pounds, and is but 
little younger than the moral law, the lightness of 
his conduct of recent years has brought scandal on 
the country. It is sad to see an ex- Justice of the 
Supreme Court of the United States, who is Presi- 
dent of the Federal Senate, tripping around in a 
peanut hat, low-cut shoes and a wheat-stalk cane, 
as it were, ogling the marriageable young women 
of thirty-eight States. It is expected that he will 
sit on the fence to see them go by, but this active 
pursuit of the daughters of our land is a little too 
much for a moral people to bear patiently." 



The Democrats of Darlington, Wisconsin, were 
to celebrate the battle of New Orleans, or some- 
thing, in honor of General Jackson, and wanted a 
picture of Jackson to decorate the banquet hall. 
No Democrat had a picture, and they borrowed 
one of a Republican, and the wicked Republican 
palmed off on the truly good Democrats a picture 
of Daniel Webster. The picture occupied the 
place of honor until a lady present told them of 
their mistake, when they covered Webster with a 
blanket. — Peck's Stln. 



The latest boarding-house sport is called "Hunt- 
ing the Clam." About fifty fritters are placed on 
the floor, and the boarders proceed to tread for the 
clam, and the person who finds it receives the 
chromo. 



THE WASP. 



HORRESCO REPERENS. 

The Sand Lot i> silent. 

< )'I tonnell is dumb. 
No longer revilent 
Grim Kearney's base-drum. 
And the scent of the sewers climbt I pward, 
With a boost from the breath <>f Tar Flat, 
As thy workingman mutters : " [t*a dry, Pard : 
Tv, ■■ mugs more "f that." 

The Sand Lot is sleeping. 

Its fleas aro all fled. 
No maiden sits weeping 
Her Lover, gone dead 
By the bursting of brains overfreighted 
With :i too zealous zeal for the cause, 
Her pel pup <■( freedom sleeps, sated, 
A bone 'twixt his paw& 

The Sand Lot's deserted. 
No red-mouth remains. 
But a host, all whitc-shirted, 
Grin forth from the panes 
That smile t<> the vision enraptured, 

In forty full furlongs of wall. 
For the Working-man's party has raptured 
Tin- New City Hall. 

Alfred Habdte. 



THE CAPITAL OF THE COMMONWEALTH. --VI. 



Si'ecial Cohi:l:si'oni>ence of thk Wasp. 



Sacramento, Feb. .'.'. 1S88. 
You have doubtless heard of Mr. Cutter of Yub?j 
the Assemblyman who has a tender spot in his 
heart fur the harrassed and impoverished owners of 
the trans-continental railroads. It would be 
strange if Mr. Cutter's voice had not reached the 
metropolis, for his average speech, if printed in 
small type, would connect New York and Sacra- 
mento, and the aggregate products of his jaw, if past- 
ed together, would girdle the globe and leave a tag 
end to facilitate the grand work of stretching his 
neck. This sketch represents Mr. Cutter prepar- 




music of iiia jaw stirred bj eless pulsation 

"' ,! '<- tidea may I | ,i 1( . 

winter Btornis to gladden the hearts of tin i 
tossed mariner and soothe the drow j l ■ 
with the thought thai leagues ol watt i 
them and the irrem tion. 



•ing to swallow the railroad, a feat which he can 
perform any day without injuring his digestion. 
Like all great swallowers, however, from the fish 
who swallowed Jonah to the persons who entomb 
the story in the depths of their credulity, Mr. Cut- 
ter's absorptive capacity is exceedingly limited when 
tested by some small things. While able to take 
in the whole Central Pacific Railroad without 
straining even at that camel of legislative crook- 
edness, Mr. Stow, the clamorous Assemblyman 
from Yuba could no more swallow a glass of the 
diluted debris of the Sacramento than a mad dog 
could absorb the contents of Lake Merced. The 
yellow water which pours down from the mount- 
ains makes most men gloomily silent when they 
look on it, but it only oils the hinges of Mr. Cut- 
ter's vocal clapper and sets his tongue wagging like 
a Hail. In fact any kind of water aggravates the 
clamor of the jaw of this amalgamated boa-con- 
strictor and hydrophobian. His future is there- 
fore assured. The bread-and-butter problem oflers 
no disheartening difficulties to the member from 
Yuba, for when the halls of legislation shall have 
organized a vigilance committee to protect them- 
selves, he can hire himself out as a bell-buoy for 
the Alameda flats or the Lime Point shoals. The 




This is a picture of the fat and silent member of 
the Assembly, Mr. Hirshey. As Mr. Cutter made 
himself famous by always keeping his mouth ex- 
tended, Mr. Hirshy has advertised himself by keep- 
ing his lips sealed. He seldom talks, but when 
the weather is unusually warm he compromises 
with Ins constituency by sighing. Even that is no 
small concession, for the inflation of 450 pounds of 
solid flesh, which is a necessary procedure in effect- 
ive sighing, is a tremendous feat of lung. Mr. 
Hirshey is engaged in the useful business of rais- 
ing hogs, and there is a malicious rumor that he 
came to the Capital during the spring killing lest 
the butcher might mistake him for a line product 
of his own ranch. Di igence in book reading 
has left him somewhat behind the times, and when 
the next Legislature is convened he will probably 
be winding up his perusal of essays on towing and 
homilies on wharfage. The wags of the Assembly 
practice small jokes on the diligent member by 
marking all kinds of books, " Report of Committee 
on Corporations," " Report of Committee on Edu- 
cation," etc., and laying them on Instable. In 
this way the studious Assemblyman has collected 
a small library for his Summer reading, the collec- 
tion embracing among other works a Boccaccio's 
"Decamaron" marked, "Report of the Committee 
on Public Morals," and alarge family Bibleonwhich 
some sacriligious hand has pasted, " Report of the 
State Prison Investigating Committee." 




REFORMING DRUNKARDS, 



An Open : i luoaists 

illy. 

i I believe if 

thai drin ■ | be crime, and that 

1 Lhe miser} in the civil- 

■ rectly or indirectly loan 

origin in that vice, then it is high time that it 

should be suppressed, Bui that old Gulliver 

otto be bound by your tilliputian 

ol prohibition. 5 ou cannot aubdue him by 

era with n 

by either the Big or Little ESndian factions of your 

miniature party. He is in your midst like n Bmb- 

dingnagian amongst Yahoos; and. as they would, 

- do '."■< ob ci nely revile him at ;i distance, but 

tnd fawn subserviently in his presence. I 

am not fond of metaphor, hut lei this stand aud 1 

will plainly state facte from this on. 

It will require a grander "organization" than 
yours one of national extent- to suppress drunk- 
enness, and even such a party oai i accomplish 

tin- work vicariously. It must bo done by dealing 
with the individu.il drunkard. As the pioneer ol 
tin coming party I will point out the course. 

The Government considers ami treat* as its 
wards all the red savaged within its borders, cloth- 
ing and feeding them upon reservations, keeping 
i in in constantly in fine condition for their periodi- 
cal raids of murder and rapine, without any partic- 
ular obligation to do so and with no possible pros- 
pect of profit or reward. Let the I iovemment also 
make thedi unken Bavagea within its borders its pro- 
teges— but. in a different manner. We have gov- 
ernment parks and reservations for military pur- 
poses, and to conserve the sublime and beautiful in 
nature— including the Indians; let us also have 
government reservations to conserve our morals. 
Oui parks of the sublime can only be enjoyed by 
the wealthy and are therefore a minor good, but 
the benefit of our moral reservations will be forced 
upon those in need of them and will prove a good 
to the majority. 

When drunkards are reformed, saloons will close 
without any prohibitory legislation. 

Agriculture is; the most healthful as well as the 
most necessary employment for civilized man. 
Establish Government Farms at proper intervals 
throughout the Union, convict a man for drunken- 
ness and put him for a term upon a farm. If he 
has others depending upon him for support, pay 
them the current wages for his labor and they will 
fare much better than they would if he chose his 
employment ami worked when he pleased. Two 
months on a farm with steady labor, wholesome 
food, proper raiment and steady habits will do 
more toward reforming a drunkard than all the 
prohibition laws, praying bauds aud homes for ine- 
briates in Christendom. 

Many young drunkards, after a term on such a 
Farm, would leave it in perfect health, thoroughly 
reformed, and returning to their families find them 
more prosperous and happy because of this enforced 
absence than they had ever known them before, 
and there is no fear that such indications will be 
lost upon such men. Other men, older in years 
or in habit, will never leave the farm permanently 
until they go in a wooden overcoat, feet foremost. 
Hut they will be better off at the farm than in the 
house of correction. They will be earning some- 
thing toward the support of their dependents, and 
when the fumes of alcohol are washed away in sweat 
and their poor chaotic brains are left in a thinking 
condition, the knowledge of this fact will kindle 
some glow of manhood and self-respect in their 
hearts, and for the sake of those they used to love 
they will go with willing fuet and hands about the 
allotted toil that may save the wife from the alms- 
house or the daughter from the street. 

I would send to the farm the drunken priest 
from his altar, the drunken magistrate from his 
bench, the drunken editor from his tripod, the 
drunken lawyer from his briefs, the drunken doctor 
from his pills, as readily as I would the drunken 
hoodlum from his haunts : and I would work them 
there until even the dream of drunkenness were 
sweated out through their skins. SELAH. 



Here is a sketch of the real Boss of the Democ- 
racy, Judge Terry, as he sits in the hulls of Il- 
lation. His attentive air is due to the fact that 
Mr Cutter is shaking the windows with his treble. 
The other auditors who are not included in the 
sketch are even more appreciative, for they aie 
snoring. Percival Gixhooia. 



"Agitate ! Organize! Educate!' isthetriplel slo- 
gan of "ihe boss communists who are essaying the role 

of "Micawtier Unwashed," on the lowest political 
stages of this town. If the unsavory fellows would 
only reverse the order of their impertinent advice, 
the honest workmen of the community might prof- 
itably ponder thereon. 



THE WASP 



SATURDAY, 



FEBRUARY 24, 1883. 



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The bill introduced by Senator Lynch to amend 
the pilotage laws is a good one in the main, and its 
passage, if it pass, will be a distinct advantage to 
commerce. The sections fixing the number of 
pilots, prescribing their duties and providing for 
the revocation of their licenses for cause, and those 
relating to the appointment of Commissioners and 
the manner in which they shall transact their busi- 
ness are wise, conservative and practical. There 
are two sections that seem to us objectionable. It 
is provided that if any pilot endeavoring to assist a 
vessel in distress shall suffer loss the vessel shall 
be liable. It it hard to see why a pilot should 
enjoy this exceptional immunity from the risks in- 
cidental to his business and perhaps entailed by 
his own incompetence. If he were assured of a 
reasonable salvage in case of success, that would 
seem to be a better incitement to zeal and daring. 
The vessel in distress should pay nothing except 
to those who actually relieve her. In section 
2166 the traditional extortion for services not ac- 
cepted is perpetuated by the provision that an in- 
ward or outward bound vessel — excepting whalers 
and fishers — declining the offer of a pilot shall 
nevertheless pay him half rates — one-quarter rates 
in the case of an inward bound vessel spoken in- 
side the bar. There is about as much" seuse and 
justice in this as there would be in compelling a 
countryman who resists the gentle street suasion 
of a Jew clothing-dealer to pay that gentleman — 
for the encouragement of trade — half the price of 
the coat that was made for President Arthur and 
was a little too small. 



The bill, however, is a marked improvement on 
the present law and probably goes as far in that 
direction as it was safe to venture, having in view 
its adoption. It is the next best thing to the re- 
peal of all pilotage laws whatever. There 
is not a more vicious tradition rooted 
in the legislative mind of the century than 
that it is the duty of a Government to look 
after the welfare of ships arriving at and depart- 
ing from its ports. If this matter were left to 
private enterprise commerce would quickly adjust 
itself to the new condition. Ships would then, as 
now, require assistance in navigating the waters 
of an unfamiliar port, and then, as now, they 
would get it. Then, as now, the pilot offering his 
services would present his credentials in proof of 
his competence. But the signature, instead of 
being that of a State Commission, would be that 
of a private person or firm whose reputation would 
he as well known to the skipper as that of a Lon- 
don bank to a San Francisco merchant, or a Cal- 



cutta merchant to a London importer. There 
could be no monopoly or extortion in a business 
that requires only a few inexpensive boats and in- 
structed seamen ; whether monopoly and extor- 
tion are a part of the present system, or only 
inseparable from it, is a question that might be dis- 
cussed in ten volumes. If it be urged that these 
views lack the approval of State Pilot Commis- 
sioners, State Pilots, the Governors of States and 
the governors of Governors, it will be frankly con- 
fessed that they are open to that objection. 

The coronation of King Kalakaua took place 
at Honolulu with the solemn formalities that 
are customary on similar occasions in European 
capitals. Opinion was pretty sharply divided 
on the color line as to the advisability of the cere- 
mony, the European population opposing, the 
Native favoring. The objections of the former 
element were mainly economic : it was held 
to be a useless waste of the revenues ; and as the 
revenues are mainly drawn from this class it was 
rightly enough thought that the protest was en- 
titled to serious consideration. The natives, on 
the other hand, felt a kind of dumb sense of some- 
thing lacking in the legitimacy of their sovereign's 
succession, and this unspoken sentiment the im- 
pressive spectacle and grave rites of a public coro- 
nation were intended to remove. There ■ is no 
reason to doubt that they accomplished that ob- 
ject. If so, the King has gained and given the 
best possible assurance of a settled Government, 
fortified alike against the caprices of popular dis- 
content and the machinations of selfish ambition, 
always quick to turn them to its own advantage. 
To us it seems that this strengthening of the sov- 
ereign's tenure and consolidation of his power 
must advantageously affect the investment and 
security of foreign capital in the Islands. Any- 
how, the question is now settled by the arbitration 
of accomplished fact, and there is now no longer 
any reason why the American lion and the Hawai- 
ian lamb should not lie down comfortably together 
— if the lamb can restrain his disobedi