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-^ N,W, COR. or KEARNY ST~ — 

San Prancisco, Ju ly 10 1880k; 



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Published every Saturday, 

— AT — 

602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 


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SATURDAY, JULY 10, 1880. 


In our last number we made some remarks 
upon the causes which keep the better class 
of immigrants from reaching our coast. In 
further reference to this all important sub- 
ject, we present our readers, this week, with 
a significant cartoon. Neither Pat nor Hans 
with their wives seem much attracted by the 
view of California as here presented, and 
which our Eastern contemporaries take good 
care shall not fall out of sight. Should they 
decide to brave the railroad octopus, whose 
limbs stretch out in every directiou and suck 
in the farmers' profits, they would still hesi- 
tate at the manner in which our State is sub- 
divided. They don't exactly see why they 
should pay sixty-five dollars apiece to come 
to a land whose condition in many respects 
resembles those from which they have just 
escaped. Then they catch sight of John 
Chinaman peeping from behind the map, and 
that settles the question. They turn with a 
grunt of disdain to read the other notices, 
and in a day or two will be on their way to 
build up for themselves independent and 
comfortable homes in Nebraska, Kansas or 
Texas. Or, should they perhaps come as far 
as San Francisco, it will only be to take the 
first steamer to our sister State in the north, 
which knows better than we how to appre- 
ciate and attract a settled population of in- 
dustrious workers. 

* * 

As our readers should, by this time, be 

aware, we are no friends of Chinese labor. 
The Wasp has, during the past few years, 
given out no uncertain sound on that sub- 
ject. We are, however, sometimes tempted 
to excuse those who employ Chinese when 
we see the number of sturdy, able bodied 
men, who hang around the city and talk of 
burniug the grain of farmers employing 
Chinamen, whilst many of these same farm- 
ers have tried, in vain, to engage white labor 
at high rates. In some districts it will hardly 
be possible to harvest the grain for lack of 
help, and we know of one case in which a 
farmer from a northern county was, after a 
week's trial, unable to get men to work for 

him at forty-five dollars a month and board. 


* * 

Yet, the Sunday Circus performances on 
the Sand-lot are well attended, and when 
the winter comes around, we shall be over- 
run with the same army of impecunious 
seekers for a quarter "to get a bed," and 
Mr. Bush will again have to start his chari- 
table Park Fund. The trouble in the coun- 
try is that work is too steady, and the whisky 
shops too far apart. This thing is however 
getting played out; men who loaf around 
town, when there is plenty of employment 
to be had in the country, should be noted, 
that when the winter comes they may not 
obtain relief which belongs to worthier 
objects. It is this condition of things which 
places such powerful arguments in the hands 
of Eastern admirers of the Mongol, and infi- 
nitely increases the difficulties of friends 

who are pleading our cause. 


* * 

The patriot has returned from his Eastern 
trip, but not as he went. He must have 
found the eastern greenbackers more liberal 
than the Sand-lotters. Kearney's star is 
sinking. Sunday was his Bunker Hill. We 
shall now have a chance to see how the cur 
can face his audiences when a majority of 
them are against him. Hitherto he has had 
it all his own way, the bulldosing has been 
on his side. One would suppose this to be 
the end of Kearney, but in view of the pres- 
ent chaotic nature of California politics, 
who can say that some fresh political wave 
may not again cast him to the surface ? In 
our present number will be found a portray- 
al of what might happen, in such case. Let 
us hope it is a dream which will never come 


And so, as if the Sand-lot and walking 
matches were not sufficient punishment for 
our sins, we are now to have the Rev. Tal- 
mage here on a lecturing tour, under charge 
of a "manager." This is not exactly the 
manner in which the original disseminators 
of the Christian religion used to travel, but 
then: "they didn't know everything down in 
Judee." Perhaps the Rev. T. is coming 
here to escape from Puck, but he'd better 
take care, or he'll be out of the frying pan 
into the fire. We've got an eye on him. 

The English have a Kearney in Bradlaugh. 
There is not much to choose between the 
two in coarseness and profanity. It is an 
evil day for any nation when such men take 
part in the National Legislature. 

Bee stings are said to be good for rheum- 
atism. Wasp's stings will be found a valu- 
able remedy for the body politic. 

Do you perhaps remember a party by the 
name of U. S. Grant? A good deal was 
written about him in the papers not long 

We have just received a very interesting 
description of the performance of the Passion 
Play at Oberammergau, but conclude we will 
give our readers a few weeks rest on that sub- 

There was a young lawyer of Truckee, 
Who was so remarkably lucky. 

That he fell on his feet 

In the midst of the street, 
When his horse kicked him out of the buggy. 

Should the Democratic party allow them- 
selves to be, connected with such proceed- 
ings as disgraced the Sand-lot on Sunday 
last, they will lose in popular estimation 
%astly more than they can hope to gain by 
the votes of this rabble. 

If this sort of weather continue, we shall 
begin to think our glorious climate has fiz- 
zled out. A view of the sun in the morning 
is becoming a rarity, and it is so cold that 
even the perusal of an original poem hardly 
makes us perspire any more. 

The census enumerators have discovered 
a woman 1 20 years old at Monterey. It is 
now in order for Santa Cruz to produce an 
elderly female who was nurse to one of the 
Axtec emperors, as a proof of the superior 
healthfulness of that charming resort. 

The instinct of betting is strong in the 
human heart — and finds curious outlets. At a 
saloon onMarketstreet,after exhausting pools 
on everything,from a walking match to a Con- 
vention, they have now started one on Dr. 
Tanner's attempt in New York to live for 
forty days without food. 

Whilst every other city in the world is 
adopting asphalt or wood paving for their 
their roadways, San Francisco still cherishes 
on her leading streets those barbarous rocks, 
which are a terror to corns and buggy 
wheels. We suppose some one makes a nice 
fat living out of their supply and repair. 

The papers will be dismal reading for the 
next few months. It would be a relief to 
find a journal which is willing to admit that 
there may possibly be a few good qualities 
scattered amongst their opponents. The 
Wasp will, as heretofore remain strictly neu 
tral, praising what is good and condemning 
what is bad, irrespective of party, clique or 

The daily papers advice their subscribers 
to read the proposed New Charter. This is 
all very well, but in view of the shortness of 
human life, we think the Governor should 
proclaim a special holiday, to give those of 
us who have to earn our bread, time to wade 
through this awe inspiring document. We 
shall boil it down for our readers, and serve 
them up the dish next week, with a little 
seasoning of our own. 







O 'tis a grand and noble thing, 

For one's dear land to die, 
So thought our gallant trooper Byng, 

As the Fourth was drawing nigh. 

Not that he had the least intent 

Of laying down his life, 
Buttowardsthe Fourth, one's mind get's bent 

On thoughts of martial strife. 

Bjng used to hire a teamster's steed 

For such full dress parades, 
A horse of an uncertain breed. 

With knife-like shoulder blades. 

In fact if almost any day 

Upon the beach you stand. 
You'll see this same old bony gray 

Engaged in hauling sand. 

Now Byng could ride about as well 

As I can play a fiddle, 
Why he had joined, to Company L 

Had always been a riddle. 

He nerer used to go and drill, 

Except on some occasion 
When spectators the hall would fill 

And offer an ovation. 

As'ueual, on this festire day. 

He early did proceed 
To where the teamster's stable lay 

In which was kept the steed. 

That animal had weaker grown. 

And gloomier, and thinner, 
You'd think he was but skin and bone. 

And never got his dinner. 

His legs were bent like Cupid's bow. 

His head was near the floor, 
His tangled mane hung down like tow. 

His back was like a saw. 

But never mind, what extra grace 

This gallant horse may lack, 
Will be supplied when Byng's in place 

Upon his charger's back. 

However, in this world of woe. 
All things must have an end; 

Behold our trooper all aglow. 
Preparing to ascend. 

But just as he had raised his foot 
To mount upon his horse, 

Some angel in his head did put 
A thought, which made him pause. 

He went and got a pot of glue. 
And daubed the saddle o'er. 

It will, no doubt astonish you 
He'd not done so before. 


It took our hero quite a while 

To get the saddle fixed; 
I'm sure it would have made you smile 

To see bow things got mixed. 

At last he's mounted on his horse, 
And glued down in his seat; 

Without delay he shapes his course 
To where his company meet. 

His friends who met him ou the way 
Could scarce believe their eyes. 

As Byng, upon his gallant grey , 
So proudly past them flies. 

He has to pass the cottage neat 
Where Kate, his girl resides, 

Grandly our hero he keeps his seat, 
And spurs his charger's sides. 

She hands her lover a bouquet 
And kisses him her baud. 

How proud our trooper looks to-day 
None braver in the land. 

But oh! too short, I am afiaiJ, 

Will be the warrior's joy, 
A cruel plot was being laid, 

His comfort to destroy. 

Two wicked boys, just from a store, 
Where fire-squibs were for sale, 

No better place to fix them saw, 
Than on his horse's tail. 

Our warrior spurred his charger's ribs. 

And started out to ride. 
Just then the imps fired ofl' the squibs; 

Farewell to martial pride ! 

The horse proceeded down the street. 

Which Byng forgot to do. 
As somehow he had lost his seat, 

In spite of pluck and glue. 

And when I say he lost his seat. 

It's in a double sense, 
His pants, which once had been so neat,. 

Wore nothing now but rents. 

Over our hero's grief and rage 

I'll kindly draw a veil, 
I've reached the limit of the page 

And also of my tale. 


In riding through this weary world, 
When everything seems fair. 

A moment more may see you hurled 
Ten feet up in the air. 



Recollections of a Grand- 
father in 1 949. 

Yes, my child, it is just a hundred years 
since the first settlement of this State by the 
Americans took place, consequent on the 
finding of gold in such immense quantities. 
I have often heaid ray father speak of that 
time, he was one of the early arrivals — forty- 
niners they were called. He was amongst 
the lucky ones, and having made a fortune 
by mining and trading on the American 
River, he sent out to the States for my 
mother, and they both settled down at Oak- 
land, where I was born. When I look back 
to those days, to the energy and resources of 
the early settlers, to their bright hopes and 
confidence in a great future for this coast, to 
the subsequent partial crowning of their ef- 
forts with success; and then when I contem- 
plate the present depth of degradation to 
which California has fallen, I feel that I have 
lived too long, that it is time for me to leave 
a land where nature has been so lavish and 
man so reckless and criminal. 

You have read in your histories of the 
early progress of the State, how rich mines 
were discovered in all directions, vast ship- 
ments of grain made to Europe, orchards 
planted, the first overland railroad con- 
structed, and San Francisco, from a collec- 
tion of hovels, built up into a large and hand- 
some city of over 300,000 inhabitants. The 
first serious check to our prosperity came in 
1878. The rich mines near Virginia City, in 
Nevada, which had for several years been 
pouring wealth into the city in the shape of 
immense monthly dividends, had become 
worked out, prices for all mining stocks, 
which everyone then was holding, had fallen 
to a fraction of their former value, thus 
bringing thousands of families from fictili- 
cious affluence to realistic poverty, and 
spreading a feeling of bitter discontent 
amongst a class of workingmen accustomed 
to the high wages and free living which pre- 
vailed during the early days of the State. 
It was about this time too that the Chinese 
question began to assume a serious shape. 
This people, whom we now know too well, 
had been gradually crowding into the State 
from the earliest days of American settle- 
ment, but it was only about the time I speak 
of that their presence began to create alarm, 
by their slow but sure monopoly of every 
description of labor. In that year the party 
was first formed which was destined to work 
so much ruin on this coast. It was first 
called the " VVorkingmen's" Party — a mis- 
nomer, because it was mostly composed of 
alien loafers, whose sole ambition was to live 
on the fat of the land without working. 
Dennis Kearney, an Irishman, a teamster by 
trade, a man who covered his lack of ideas 
by the most vulgar and blasphemous langu- 
age, a mat' who did not possess a single 
noble sentiment, and whose superiors might 
be found in nine out of ten men taken at 
random from any workshop, was floated by 
a fortuituous combination of circumstances 
into a prominent position. His arrest for 

disturbing the peace and subsequent release 
lent him an undeserved air of martyrdom, 
which served to increase his popularity with 
his deluded followers. He became the re- 
cognized head of the Workiugraen's Partv, 
whose watchword was "The Chinese must 
go!" Open air meetings were held in San 
Francisco every Sunday on a piece of ground 
known as the "Sand-lot" where the Chinese 
Viceroy's palace now stands. The newspa- 
pers gave an undue prominence to the move- 
ment, the existing political parties played 
into its hands, and the alliance of a rural 
population, ground under a terrible trans- 
portation monopoly, was secured by promises 
of regulating freights. Thus a party com- 
posed chiefly of illitarate aliens, contemptible 
both in numbers and character, was enabled 
to frame a new Constitntion for the State, 
to elect a Mayor of San Francisco, to keep 
the whole coast in a turmoil, to frighten 
capitalists away from the country and almost 
to bring the business of the city to a stand- 
still. Kearneyisra became a well-known 
word throughout the world, evoking ponder- 
ous leading articles in the press both of this 
country and Europe, and it seemed as if this 
despicable agitator, whose immediate follow- 
ers probably never numbered over five 
thousand, was destined through the criminal 
indifi'erence of our leading men, to control 
the Pacific Coast. 

At last, in 1880, the inhabitants of San 
Francisco awoke from their feeling of false 
security. A Citizens' Committee was formed, 
composed of some of the leading merchants 
and others, with the avowed object of stop- 
ping the agitation once and for all. At an 
election for commissioners to frame a char- 
ter for the city the Kearneyites were signally 
defeated, Kearney himself and one of his 
lieutenants had a short time previously been 
condemned to six months' imprisonment and 
a fine for using incendiary language. The 
excitement abated, and all respectable citi- 
zens were congratulating themselves on a 
new era of prosperity for their beloved State. 
But, alas for human hopes, in the following 
November occurred a Presidential election, 
the fiercest and most bitter that America 
had ever seen, which wad destined to termi- 
nate the existence of the United States as 
one country. General Grant, of whom you 
have read, having previously served two 
terms, was the leading candidate for nomi- 
nation on the Republican side, but he failed 
to obtain it, Garfield being the chosen man. 
The Democrats nominated General Han- 
cock. As the strife grew warmer, the de- 
funct Workingmen's Party, which bad pre- 
viously split up into several sections, began 
to revive. Both Democrats and Republi- 
cans, blind to the interests of the country, 
endeavored to conciliate the Kearnyites and 
to obtain their allegiance, thus giving them 
great power, the contest being exceedingly 
close and likely to depend upon a few thous- 
and votes on one side or the other. The 
election was held, Garfield was declared 
President, but his election was disputed by 
the Democrats. After a vain attempt to set- 
tle matters by arbitration, the dispute re- 
sulted as you are aware, in open war. The 
old feud was recommenced, but with far 
more bitterness, the South being joined by 
several of the Western and Central States, 
which had formerly remained loyal. Grant 
again assumed command of the Northern 
army, and after a campaign which, although 
lasting only six months, entailed the loss of 
a million men, a truce was agreed upon. A 
convention of delegates from all the States 
met at St. Louis, Garfield was ignored, and 
the result was the establishment, under the 
dictatorship of Grant, of the Federation of 
Columbia as it now exists, including New 

England and the majority of the Middle 
States. The capital wa-i not removed to Chi- 
cago till three years afterwards. The South- 
ern Confederacy, as then formed, included 
the State of Arizona, which has since, with 
New Mexico, joined the Mormon kingdom 
of Utah. During this time Kearney and his 
followers had not been idle, they had been 
reinforced by hosts from the East, including 
all that turbulent, lawless element, which 
rises to the surface in times of general com- 
motion, and is attracted to fields of plunder 
as the vulture to a carcass in the desert. 
A.t this time I was but a youth of sixteen, 
but the terrible events I narrate are as fresh 
in my mind as if they occurred yesterday. I 
can almost fancy I see my fathej now, as he 
stood at our door to bid my weeping mother 
good-bye when he left to join the Southern 
army. We never saw him again. After a 
few months his letters ceased, and the next 
news we had of him was his name published 
amongst the list of killed in one of the blood- 
iest battles of that terrible war. But to re- 
turn to public events. To Kearney and his 
followers the country's adversity was their 
opportunity. All the available military 
forces on this coast, and a majority of the 
leading able bodied citizens having gone 
East to join in the fray on one side or the 
other, the Kearneyites rose, seized the Mint, 
and the few fortifications in the harbor which 
were undefended, and organized the Repub- 
lic of Eureka, including California, Nevada, 
Oreg.on and Washington Territory, with 
Kearney as Life President. The inhabitants 
of this coast were entirely in their power. 
Columbia had enough to do with its own af- 
fairs, and the South was too much exhausted 
by the war to le-commence a new one, even 
had they been so inclined. Thus it came 
about that the fairest portion of this conti- 
nent was left a prey to a horde of the most 
debased of European and Eastern outcasts. 
From this time may be dated the commence' 
ment of that disas'trous decline, which has 
culminated in the wretchedness and desola- 
tion existing there to-day. Agriculture was 
neglected, the mines remaine<J unworked, 
the fields untilled. Kearney had promised 
his followers fi^ve dollars a day and nothing 
to do Work they would not. To satisfy 
their demands ever increasing taxes had to 
be imposed. Capital forsook the State. 
Merchants, manufacturers, all who could go 
left, those who remained were in constant 
fear for their lives and homes. Fires oc- 
curred nightly in San Francisco and fre- 
quently threatened to destroy the whole city. 
Highway robberies were committed in broad 
daylight. Offices were openly bought and 
sold, and the corruption that reigned was 
unsurpassed by Rome in her worst days. 
The Chinese who remained in the State, and 
had not bern murdered, were declared slaves 
and sold to the highest bidder for the bene- 
fit of the public treasury, or rather of the 
ring which controlled it. 

But it was in 1892, that the culminating 
point of folly was reached. In that year an 
insurrection broke out in Ireland against the 
British rule. It was hopeless from the first, 
but this went for nothing with Kearney and 
his crowd, who were glad of an excuse to 
distract the attention of their followers from 
home matters, which had been going from 
bad to worse, until no money whatever was 
available for public purposes, and people in 
all directions were clamorous, not for work, 
but food. The Republic owned three anti- 
quated ironclads, which had been in repair 
at Mare Island when the coast seceded. 
These were hastily fitted out, manned with 
crews, whose experience of the ocean was 
chiefly confined to voyages along the coast, 
and despatched, by way of the Panama 
Canal, to Ireland for the purpose of assist- 
ing that country. One foundered ofl" the 
coast of Mexico, another was lost on the At- 



lantic, and the third was captured by a 
British frigate in the Irish Channel. Mean- 
time the British fleet in the Pacific, being 
informed of what was happening, came down 
to San Francisco. Three large vessels 
anchored off the Golden Gate, and the admi- 
ral sent a message demanding an indemnity 
of $2,500 000 within 24 hours, failing which 
he threatened to bombard the city. I well 
remember standing on Telegraph Hill that 
day, where hundreds of peoi)le were assem- 
bled, watching with anxiety the course of 
events. The wildest confusion prevailed in 
the city, Kearney and his subordinates were 
perfectly helpless, to raise the money was 
impossible. A request for further delay was 
rejected, and at the expiration of the given 
time the bombardment commenced, pne of 
the first sheila setting fire to the splendid 
Post Office building. The firing, which was 
all on one side, was continued for some 
hours, when a landing was made by marines 
from the vessels, and the city occupied with- 
out a struggle, the Cross of St. George re- 
placing the Bear of Eureka on the City Hall. 
You know the issue of this disaster, how the 
the British withdrew, after annexing Oregon 
and Washington, whose inhabitants, sick of 
ten years of misrule, were only too glad of 
the change. 

It was five years after this that Kearney 
was shot at a fight, following a heated politi- 
cal meeting. The people, tired of a Dictator, 
then gave the government into the hands ot 
a council of thirteen, to be elected annually, 
but the only difference was that there were 
thirteen men to bribe instead of one. The 
state of the country by this time was most 
deplorable. In the city more than two-thirds 
of the houses were tenantless and delapida- 
tel, grass was growing in many of the piin- 
clpal streets, and San Francisco had much 
the appearance of a deserted mining camp. 
Farms were neglected and overgrown wiih 
weeds, or left to be cared for by an overseer 
and Chinese slaves. Trains ran but seldom, 
and on some lines not at all. To add to our 
troubles the harbor bar of San Francisco, 
which had been rapidly shoaling of late, no 
means having been taken to correct the de- 
posits of sediments, had now become impas- 
sable, except for vessels of light draught. 
Commerce had departed to Victoria, the 
terminus of the Canadian Railroad, and to 
Guaymas, which, at. the time I speak of was 
a much smaller town than San Francisco. 

In 1920 the climax of all our woes was 
reached. In that year the Chinese, who 
now seem destined to overrun the world, 
havieg defeated Russia and threatened 
British India, elated by their successes, 
turned their attention to he Western Conti- 
nent. A pretext for invasion was found in 
the arbitrary enslavement and brutal treat- 
ment of the Chinese in this country. A 
formidable fleet of heavy ironclads was dis- 
patched to this coast. What little energy 
remained in the country was now aroused, 
the people, thoroughly alarmed, vied with 
with each other, in preparations to meet the 
enemj'. Hastily constructed earthworks 
were thrown up along the coast and the few 
old guns of the harbor fortifications were 
furbished up. The Chinese fleet divided 
into two portions, one landing a force at 
Santa Cruz, whilst the other attacked San 
Francisco. A desperate resistance was made, 
but what could it avail ? The wild scenes of 
carnage and pillage which followed the land- 
ing of the Chinese army in San Francispo baf- 
fle description. It was then that I, with your 
father and your grandmother, hastily gath- 
ered a few valuables together, and came up 
here in a small schooner to Portland, where, 
in British Territory, we could at least feel our 
lives secure. Of how California was made a 
Chinese colony, how the Chinese con- 
tinued to pour into the country, 
how they spread East and crowded 

out the whites from every means of liveli- 
hood, until they provoked the terrible war of 
mutual extermination which now shakes the 
continent to its centre, and of which no one 
can forsee the end —of all this you have read 
and heard your father speak. As for me, 
child, I am very old, very old and weary. 
Our days have fallen in troublous times, and 
I long to be away and at rest. 


The celebration of the Fourth in San 
Francisco on Monday hardly realized what 
our citizens^ had been led to expect, 
through the number of preliminary notices 
which have appeared in the press recently. 
The onlj- feature of any note in the decora- 
tions was the arch at the corner of Market and 
Third streets. The streets were in great part 
disfigured with the usual multitude of five cent 
flags, giving them a tawdry appearance. It 
is a pity our citizens do not see what far 
finer effects can be produced, with the same 
outlay, by a few good sized flags with drap- 
eries of parti colored cloth and festoons of 
evergreens. The streets would then have 
less the appearance of a national washing 
day. The militia companies, with a few 
exceptions, were deficient in evenness of step 
and military bearing, but it is of course 
difficult for men to leave the office or ware- 
house for a day and at once asbume the air 
ot veterans. In the cavalry the fault was 
more with the horses than with the men. 
Animals of every description, from the Arab 
charger to the plough horse, don't assimilate 
well in a military procession. Talking of 
horses, two of the finest greys we ever saw 
were those recently imported by John Wie- 
laud of the Philadelphia Brewery, and 
attached to Engine No. 2 of the Fire Depart- 
ment, making a grand appearance. The 
little carriage drawn by two handsome New- 
foundland dogs and loaded with children 
was a pretty sight. The remaining features 
of the procession presented nothing remark- 
able. We were ^jromised that advertising 
vans should be excluded this year and they 
were, in part, but not entirely, as an irre- 
pre.ssible Patent Medicine vendor and seve- 
ral others managed to introduce themselves 
amongst the tableaux, thus tending to render 
the whole aflair ridiculous. Such offences 
against good taste should be suppressed. 

At the conclusion of the procession 
the Literary Exercises were held at 
the Grand Opera House, which had been 
decorated with much taste, and really 
looked very pretty. The officers of the day 
took their seats on the stage. Col. Smith 
made a courteous and imposing Grand Mar- 
shal. The air of imperial magnificence he 
assumed during the exercises would require 
the pencil of a Keller to depict, and could 
only have been equalled by his namesake the 
"Count" at the Palace. Master Stevens 
read the Declaration in a manner that would 
have done credit to one of twice his age. 
Mrs. E. V. Vate who was tastefully dressed 
in the national colors, sang the "Star Span- 
gled Banner" — surely, with the Austrian 
Hymn, the finest national air in the world^ 
but her voice was rather overtasked in the 
large building. During the singing of this 
song a "grand National Tableau" was dis- 
played, which was certainly national, but 
the grandeur was hardly apparent. Frank 
Soule's poem was good, and well rendered, 
as we might expect, by Mr. Barton Hill. 
Then came the "Red, White and Blue" sung 
by Miss Jenny Robins, after which the 
Orator of the Day, the Hon. J. Campbell 
Shorb, came forward. His address was ex- 
cellently delivered and oratorically fine, bat 
he committed the error of introducing an 
overdose of cheap patriotic rhapsodies, 
which, however, of course received the 
expected storms of applause from the galle- 

ries. The effect of the national anthem was 
spoiled bj' the failure of the audience to join 
in the singing, owing to some misapprehen- 
sion. In the afternoon a clambake was held 
at Saucelito, which was the chief event of the 
day to many of the officers and their guests. 
The "grand" display of fireworks in the 
evening was simply a farce, and satisfactory 
only to the street car companies by whom it 
was projected. Such was our celebration of 
1880. And we went home to bed, feeling that 
the country must now be safe for at least 
another year. The following is Frai^k Soule's 

When toawts are uttered "to the dead!" 
With bruwd unclad we silent drain 
Tne pledge; but in the heart and head 
They live again. 

In presence of the dead who died 
For hearth and home and native land. 
By faith inspired, by battle tried. 

We seem to stand. 

And listen for the voices dumb, 
' While on the growing centuries roll; 
But silently their teachings come 

Within the soul. 

The lessons that our fathers taught 
.A.t Lexington and Bunker Hill, 
Free government, free men, free thought. 
Are living still. 

A century cannot efface 

Their record; grand results remain; 

Who dies a martyr for his race 

Dies not in vain. 

They gave their blood, their lives, their all 
For thiit which gold nor gems could buy;. 
For liberty to stand or fall. 

To live or die. 

For that they breaftied the battle's breath, 
Dured hunger, thirst, the tyrauts' pride; 
Unflinching they met war and death, 
Unflinching, died. 

They died! but not to us are dead; 
Themselves, in what they won, remain, 
And now, though from our vision fled 
Seem hero again. 

T'hey speak to us from out the Dark — 
"Transmit our trust from sire to son;' 
Keep fresh the flame whose primal spark 
Our labors won-" 

We seem their presence now to feel; 
The sound of wings is moving near; 
Our freedom's oath auew to seal 

They gather here. 

From out the mists of time they come. 
By hunger, pain and battle tried, 
Who for us tasted the full sum 

Of war, and died> 

And with us thus, heroic still, 
As light intangible, yet grand, 
They seem this very space to till 

And round us stand. 

It matters not to them to-day 

Who in the bittle's shock went down; 

It matters much to us that they 

Won Freedom's crown. ■ 

It matters much that thought is free. 
That free are limbs, and tongue, and pen. 
That chains no more from sea to sea 
Shall bind again. 

It matters much that we who stand 
On this front wave of rolling time 
Guard well the helm with strong right hand. 
In faith sublime. 

Our ship of State is on a sea 
Where, when the breakers or the squall 
Bode wreck, it matters much that we 
Be seamen all. 

Then may the spirits of the brave. 
The heroes whom our souls revere. 
Our pilots prove across the wave 

The ship to steer. 

Ye spirits of the glorious dead I 
Upon us let your wisdom fall, 
.\nd may your patriot virtues spread 
Within us all. 

Till through the land one sentiment 
Of "Union" prove your work well done. 
And patriotic love cement 

All hearts as one. 

One hope, one fame, one Banner free 
To float o'er all from shore to shore. 
The Flag of Freedom hence to be 
I Forevermore. 

— 7'^ 






The progress made by the thrilling circus advertisement during the past twenty-five years is wonderful to contemplate. Should 
it improve in the same ratio during the next quarter of a century, the country press in the Spring of 1905 will be garnished with 
double-column announcements, something like the subjoined. (The imagination must supply the illustrations.) 


SMriH, Jones & Robinson, 

Millionaire Proprietors. 


a Canvas anywhere 


Born under a Canvas anywhere in or out of the wide World! 

Knocking endways all the theories heretofore promulgated 

by Scientists, Physiologists, Phrenologists, Oculists, 

Optimists, and Pessimists, 

At an Expense ol over $500,000 ! 

Mother and Twins will be exhibited, without extra charge, in a 
Tent of Brobdingnagian Proportions, Comprising 
Forty Acres of Canvas ! 
Visited by all the Crowned and Uncrowned Heads of the 
Old and New Worlds ! 
$100,000 will be given, and no questions asked, to the Poor of Eng- 
land for evidence of the birth of Twin Whales 
in Bondage Prior to these. 
The only Show on this Mundane Sphere illuminated by an artificial 
Sun set in the roof of the tent, 

At an Expense of $100,000! 

Rivalling in Brilliancy the Light emitted by the Refulgent God of 
Day ! Without extra charge. 


Whose Pyramidal Feats in the Arena are greeted with cyclones of 

applause. Their flying leaps over eighteen Rhinoceroses, 

through Hoops of Fire, without extra charge, and 

AT AN EXPENSE OF $500,000! 

Are absolutely appalling in the sublimity of their electric sublime- 

ness ! 

One Thousand Cultcred Riders, Acrobats, Gymnasts, and Con- 
TORTioNi Ts. each one a graduate of a leading American Col- 
lege, stlected for their comeliness and Herculea-like 
statues, whose peerless feats chill the marrow 
and freeze the blood — the whole employed 



Consisting of one hundred pieces, performed by one hundred huge 

specimens of the Elt^has Jndicus, each one a graduate 

of a Foreign Musical Conservatory, 

AT A C03T OF $500,000! 

XALIA — The Beautiful, Bewitching, Superb, Graceful Xalia, who 

is nightly fired from a Real Krupp Cannon, and dashed to pieces 

against a stone wall ten feet thick, causing strong men to 

weep and fair women to faint, 

AT A SALARY OF $500,000 A DAY! 

Twenty Miith-Provoking, Side-Spliting, Laughter-Moving, Cachin- 

nalion-Contagious CLOWNS, for whom an entirely 

original joke has been written 

AT AN EXPENSE OF $100,000! 

This piece of munificent enterprise is unpredecented in circus an- 
nals, and is justly appreciated by the multitudinous multi- 
tudes who throng each performance. A clown 
with a new joke may be truly termed 
The Eighth Wonder of the World ! 


Weighing Thirty Tons; the Ultima Thule of Animal Instinct, and 
the ne plus ultra of a Trained Beast, performing the start- 
ling, incomprehensible, and reason-dethroning feat of 
Walking a common Tel^gi-aph Wire at an elevation of 100 feet, and 
turning a double fiip-flap with a. Baby Elephant on its back ! 


Captured in Dromedary expressly for this Leviathian Aggregation, 

AT AN EXPENSE OF $500,000! 

Harnessed to pure Gold Chariots encrusted and scintillating with 
Koh-i-nor Diamonds, whose brilliancy blinds the eyes 
of all beholders, and astonishes both the civi- 
lized and uncivilized world ! 

SAMPSI, The Man of Iron Nerves, 

Who will balance on his chin a ponderous living Elephant on the 

end of a pole — a feat not believed until seen — 

AT A SALARY OF $100,000! 

EDFALIA' THE Beautiful Saj.amander, 
Who is cremated in a Fiery Furnace, and her ashes distributed 

among the audience, 

AT A SALARY OF $100,000! 

The Procession of this Gorgeous Consolidated Aggregation, in its 

entirety, comprises ten niiles of real Princes and Princesses, 

blazing in regal splendor, and an entire Arabian Nights 

of marvelous and bewildering specialties, 

AT A COST OF OVER $5,000,000! 

Don't forget the time and place. — Admission as usual. 


Some of Its Advantages Tersely Stated. 

The beautiful idea of getting something 
for nothing is nowhere more steadily trace- 
able than in a newspaper office. 

So much has been spoken, written and 
sung about a "free press" that people have 
come to accept the term in a sense altogether 
too literal. 

If a man has a scheme of any kind germi- 
nating, he just steps into the editorial room 
and details it, with the remark: "I'm not 
quite ready to advertise yet, but a few words 
will help me along." He gets the few words 
but never gets ready to advertise. 

Two tickets admitting lady and gent to the 
"G. R. X. M. T's grand ball" are expected 
to produce a six line local and a quarter of a 
column description of the ladies' toilets after 
the ball is over. 

Church fairs and the like are worse thjin 

balls. They never leave tickets but demand 
more space because "it's a matter of news 
and a help to the cause." 

Should a boy saw off his finger, "Dr. C. 
O. Plaster dressed the wound with great 
skill," would be a graceful way of stating it. 
and, besides, it is "unprofessional" to ad- 

The patent rat-trap man brings in one of 
his combinations of wire and moldy cheese 
bait, sticks it under the editor's nose and ex- 
plains how they catch 'em every single time 
the spring works. "It's something of inter- 
est to the community, and if you put in a 
piece save me a dozen papers," which he 
quietly walks off with, as though he had be- 
stowed a favor in allowing editorial eyes to 
gaze on such a marvel of intricacy. 

An invitation to "come down and write up 
our establishment" is a great deal more com- 
mon than a two square "ad" from the same 
firm. Newspapers must be filled up with 
something or other, you know. 

The lawyer with strong prejudices against 
advertising, is fond of seeing his cases re- 
ported in full in the newspapers, with an oc- 
casional reference to his exceedingly able 
manner of conducting the same. 

In fact, everybody who has an ax to grind, 
asks the newspapers to turn the crank, and 
forgets even to say thank you, but will kind- 
ly take a free copy of the paper as part pay 
for furnishing the news. 

The Press being "free," all hands seem 
bound to get aboard and ride it to death. 
That is why newspapers are so rich that they 
can afford to pay double price for white pa- 
per, and never ask Congress to aid them by 
removing the duty on wood pulp. — New Ha- 
ven Register. 

"If I have ever used any unkind words, 
Hannah," said Mr. Smiley, reflectively, "I 
take them all back." "Yes, I suppose you 
want to use them over again." was the not 
very soothing reply.— iVew Haven Register. 








A Parisian Comedy of Errors. 

THE Marquis de V. Las an income of 
200 000 francs a year. Hence the sun does 
not rise in his apartments until 11 o'clock. 
His valet superintends the brushing of his master's 
clothes with one eye, and reads the paper with the 
other. The bell of the outer door rings, and the 
valet, after the bell has rung two or three times, and 
he has heard the voice of his master's intimate 
friend outside, finally consents to go and open it. 

"I have been making a racket here for twenty 
minutes." said the visitor, Paul de L., bounding 
into the room. 

"Monsieur did well to knock," said Celestin, the 
valet, following him with a slow, dignified step 
"He might have rung till the day of judgment, for 
my servant was brushing my master's clothes, and I 
■ reading my morning paper. It is remarkably bright 
and interesting this morning." 

Paul explains to the valet hat he has come t( 
persuade his master to C3mmit matrimony, but finds 
in Celestin a foe to his project. For Celestin is 
afraid that a lady at the head of the house will either 
dismiss him or give him something to do. So Paul 
asks to be shown to the apartment of his friend. 

The valet knocks directly at the door of his mas 
ter's bedroom. 

"Who's there?" 

"I, Monsieur," paid the vaelt; "I have come to 
announce the arrival of Monsieur Paul." 

<'Panl ! Let him come in! Paul !" he cried in a 
loud :r tone, "why didn't you come in? What are 
yon putting on all that style with me for?" 

"I have come to talk about matrimony, "said Paul 


"Matrimony! thunder!" cried Mederic, bounciog 
out of bed. "You go and order breakfast," he 
oried to the valet. "I'll need all the strength I cai, 
muster; as for you, Paul, dou't lisp a word of youi 
outlandish idea until we are fairly seated at tht 


"This looks bad," said the viscount to himself. 

"That's all right," said Celestib, the valet, casting 
a triumphant glance at Paul. 

During breakfast Paul fairly spread himself in 
cracking up marriage. He proved conclusively it 
stood in the first rank of civil contracts, and was 
altogether the most admitable of the sacraments of 
the church. As he listened to himself he became 
infatuated with his own eloquence, in fact he soared 
at times to almost inaccessible ingenuity. After an 
hour or two of this sort of thing, Paul exclaimed: 
"Let's get down to business. We ought to have 
begun with it. I have a cousin who is a widow. 
She has such blind confidence in me that she is 
willing to accept any one I'll pick out as a husband 
for her. You're the man I like best, so you shall 
have her." 

"I don't'wanther." 

"She's a pearl." 

"Not any for me, thank you." 

"She's an angel." 

"All the same to me." 

"She's young and pretty. 

"What of it?" 

"She's rich and well edurated." 

"That's none of my business." 

"Sunday she'll attend morning mass at Saint 
Boche. She'll be at the right of the pulpit and she'll 
wear a blue hat with white trimmings. Go and see 

"Not I." 

"If she don't fix you at the very first glance, I'll 
never say another word." 

"You've already said too much." 

"I won't stir until you promise to go there Sun- 

"Well — I'll go— but what good will that do you?" 

"You'll be charmed." 

"I'd like to bet on it." 

"I'd be betiing on a certainty." 

"What's this treasure's name?" 

"I'll tfll you when you've seen her — that is, if the 
first sight of her does the business for you." 

Mederic was at the church door at the time ap- 
pointed, looked in, and saw nobody answering the 
description. But as he turmd away, he met in the 
church porch a charming woman whose hat seemed 
to him to be blue with white trimmings, or was it 
not rather white with blue trimmings? He saw blue 
gauze, white satin, blue tulle and white satin capri- 
ciously tangled together — was this a blue hat? One 
needed to be more than a man to decide the ques- 
tion. The lady took a seat at the left of the pulpit. 

"That settles it," said Mederic. "Paul js right. 
She is very good-looking. I'd like to know her 
uame and where she lives." 

"It seems as if that gentleman is following me," 
said the lady in t'.ieblue hal, as she entered a mod- 
erately pretentions house on Algers street after the 

Mederic learned from the porter's wife that the 
blue-hatted woman had been a' widow three years, 
and that her name was Arabella P— de B., that she 
had lodgings on the fourth flight above the base- 
ment, which, it must be admitted, was hard to dis- 
tinguish from the fifth story. Almost before he 
knew it, he was ringing the bell of her apartments 
and had been admitted. As he waited he began to 
cast about for some pretext for waiting on her. He 
had decided not to mention Paul's name until forced 
to do so. At that moment the door opened. 

"Madame Arabella!" stammered Mederic bowing. 

"I am she," replied the lady, whom seemed even 
prettier without the blue hat. 

After a prolonged silence Mederic began: 

"I have — come — I have — come — " 

"Oh, I understand, " exclaimed Madame Arabella, 
vivaciously, "you are the professor of German, and 
you have come on the recommendation of my friend, 
Madame Delattre. I beg pardon for not having 
aided you a little in introducing yourself. What 
hour cau yen devote to my daughter's instruc- 

"Any hour you like," he replied, bent on keeping 
up the romantic adventure, even to undertaking les- 
sons in German, of which he didn't know a single 

' ' Are you free from 9 to 10 ? " 

"I am at liberty at all times — I would say, my 
pupils have already gone into the country," he re- 
plied, perceiving that he was talking like a fool. 

"I can, then, without taking too much liberty, ask 
you to come any day at any hour?" 

"Exactly so, Madame." 

"Madame Felattre has been paying you, I think, 
$10 for fifteen lessons. I will give you twice that for 

"Your kindness quite overwhelms me, Madame." 

"To-morrow then, sir." 


"At nine." ,j 

"Farewell, Madame." 

"Good day, sir." 

The Marquis bowed reppectfuHy and went out. 

Arrived at home the Marquis dispatched a note to 
his friend, Paul, telling him not to say another word 
about or to the lady in the blue hat without his per- 

Madame Arabella presented her little pink and 
white daughter, about six years old, to her "pro- 
fessor." Mederic kissed her forehead; made her re- 
cite the first chapter of the French grammar, and 
taught her a few words of the Flemish dialect, which 

they speak in the cities of French Flanders. These 
words, hard as rocks, raised the "goose flesh" on 
the lady in the blue hat, who assisted at her daugh- 
tnr's first lesion, dressed in neglige co»tume, which 
developed quite. lusciously her exquisite beauty. He 
discovered that she was sweet as honey, and all who 
lived with her positively adored her. At a quarter 
to 11 she WHS obliged to dismiss him, which she did, 
as she did everything, with' charming grace. 

At the second lesson he discovered that she had an 
arm whiter than snow, and a neck delicately poised 
on her breast and shoulders, and she came and went 
in his presence as if he were not a man. He was 
iutoxicate'' with pleasure, in spite of a cloud which 
obscured his sky, because she mistook him for a 
teacher of languages. 

At the appointed hour for the third lesson, his 
pupil had not returned from her bath. The "pro- 
fessor" was requested to wait. The lady in the blue 
hat was in the adjoining parlor, and he discovered 
that she had the voice of Patti, the method of 
Madame Carvalho and the soul of Irezzoliui. Pretty 
soon the little girl came in, the lesson in German 
began and the singing stopped. Medenc was already 
fond of his little pupil, but just then he could have 
sent her away to Pt-ru or even China. His had hu- 
mor melted like enow before the sun the moment her 
mother entered the room. 

At the fourth lesson the Marquis discovered that 
Madame Arabella was well acquainted with the mat- 
ters women are not in the habit of bothering their 
heads with— that Charles the X. was not the son of 
Charles IX. The next lesson proved to him that she 
had a pretty fair tincture of geography in her educa- 
tion. At least she knew where the handsome crj's- 
tal dishes that litter up the cupboards are made — 
that the manufacturing corporations at Lyons sell 
handsome silk dresses and the "Indian Company" 
beautiful laces. He discovered subsequently that 
she had the most delicate tact, for she asked him if 
he would like a part of his pay in advance, since tue 
pup. Is were all in the country. 

"I have the money now," she hastened to add, as 
he forgot himself and stared at her like a lout, "and 
it will be more convenient for me to give 50 francs 
now than 100 at the end of the month." 

He also perceived with great pleasure that she had 
a taste for his conversation. After his lesson was 
done, he sat hours tos^ether chatting with her, hold- 
ing his little pupil on his knee. She knew that 
there was such a thing as the Eevue des Deux Mon- 
des in existence. She had elegant taste in jewels; 
love J the pictures ot the best masters, had a pas- 
sionate enthusiasm for whatever was good, noble 
and beautiful. All these discoveries overwhelmed 
him with ph^asure, because he had the means of 
gratifying her almost unbounded dreams. 

He had reached the eighth lesson of his course, he 
was in the full tide of his successful eflTort to teaoh 
his pupil the Flemish dialect, when the housemaid 
handed her mistress a note which informed her that 
her friend had secured a German teacher for her. 

"My slow-going friend," said the lady 'aughing, 
"I am going to reply that luckily you didn't wait for 
her tardy letter of introduction." 

"I have something to tell yoH, Madame," feebly 
articulated Mederic, who very w^-U comprehended 
that he must hurry up the denouement if he did not 
«ish his comedy to be changed to melodrama. The 
genuine professor was liable to enteral any moment. 

"Good heavens! my dear sir, what is the matter? 
Are you going to faint away'/" cried Madame Ara- 

"Madame. I have a confession to make." 

"A confession? To mt?" 

"Madame, I love you." 

Then Medei'ic talked to her for an hour by the 
watch. Ue executed a thousand variations upon the 
same theme — "I love you." And what is surprising, 
his di claration was not idiotic, in spite of his loving 
sincerely. The lady was naturally disturbed, but 
she was too much of a Parisian woman to show her 

"If I loved you sir," she said, raising her beauti- 
ful eyes to his, "what would become of us? I am 
not food at constructing high-sounding I 
will repeat what you probably know now. 1 was an 
orpQau when I married. I had a great name and a 
small dowry, and my husband was very little richer 
than I. I endured our moderate circumstances with- 
out complaining, but he guessed the trouble and 
undertook to increase our means by speculation, 
which ended dia istrously, so that when he died he 
owed 100,000 francs, I did not hesitate a second to 
give up my small fortune in order tj bequeath to my 
daughter an unblemished uame. A rich relation 
Settled an income on me on condition of my never 
marrying again. Tell me, sir, can I deprive this 
little daughter of those luxuries which are necessi- 
ties to so delicate a child? I said, and I repeat, what 
wonld'become of us if I loved you, since you are de- 
pendent on teaching German for a living?" 

"It is in that, Madame, that my crime looms up in 
gigantic proportions. I do not know a word of Ger- 

"What! You have not even that resource?" 



"No," said Mfderic, smiling, "but I have an in- 
come of 200 000 francs, which, uerhaps, will partly 
make up for it. 

Then he conffssed everything — his name, his visit 
to the church and his talk wiih his friend — except 
that he did not mention his friend's name, as he 
wished to devise a theatrical sensation for the lat- 
ter's benefit. He had so submissive an air, his 
speech was so persuasive, that the lady of the blue hat 
•consented to allow the extenuating circumstances in 
his favor. She did not even insist very strenuously 
tipon knowing the name of the officious friend who 
had trumpeted her merits so loudly. 

"Doubtless," she said gaily, "It is one of my 
banker's friends who persists in thinking I have 
done a fine thing, as the world goes. We live in a 
time Ro morally disturbed that they who do their 
plain duty are regarded as heroes." 

Mederic went home intoxicated with joy. His 
head was iu the clouds, and he felt like stopping 
now and then, lest he should knock oS a star or 
two. And yet the lady had by no means said "yes." 
Still less had she said "no." 
The Marquis found his friend Paul at his house. 
"My dear Mederic," aaid Paul, "I have a confes- 
sion to make. When I came here three weeks ago, I 
swear by my hoary-headed ancestors, that I had the 
most disinterested desire to see you married. I had 
a pearl in my hand that I would have given you on 
the spot; but it is well to distrust your first thought, 
because thit is only good — it is second thoughts 
which are best. When I found myself alone, I still 
said: 'Yes, Mederic shall be happy. I haven't a 
better friend in the world.' But as I was walking 
along I began to reHeot: 'Tea, I have a better friend 
now than Mederic--that friend is myself.' I re- 
turned to the beautiful widow's and begged her not 
to go to the Church of Saint Boche, or if she could 
not possibly stay away, at least not wear the pretty 
hat she wanted to wear for the first time, for good 
luck. She laughed, she blushed, she laughed again. 
Then I mustered np courage, 1 said to her, 'I love 
yon, my cousin.' And so, my dear Mederic, I have 
come to invite you to the wedding. But now, take 
my hand, for I have betrayed friendship. One word, 
however, I have come and come again, several times 
in hopes of meeting yon. I believed you had closed 
your doors on me, and felt like taking offense, but 
finally contented myself with writing to you." 
"I did not get your letter." 

"I thought you were furious at not meeting the 
lady in the blue hat." 

"I did meet her and met her to such purpose that 
I am engaged to her, ond now ask you to my wed- 
ding. Only it was a white and blue hat." 

"I don't understand it," ciied the two friends in 
chorus, with as much unison as if they had been 
actors at the opera comique. 

"I want to own up," muttered the valet, falling on 
his knees before his master. "There is onlv one 
culprit here, and that's me! First. I told Monsieur 
the Marquis that Montieur the Viscount was out of 
town; second, I closed the door on Monsieur the 
Viscount. I suppressed the letters of both gentle- 
men. To be brief, I acted as a rascal, and what is 
harder to admit, like a fool. I wanted to prevent 
my master from marrying, and I was ass enough to 
put him in the way of it. If it hadn't been for my 
folly you two gentlemen would have met the next 
day after that fatal Sunday. You'd laughed a little 
about it at the club. Monsieur the Marquis would 
have retired from the affair as soon as he perceived 
the feeling of the Viscount toward his cousin, and 
there would have been the end of it." 

"The rascal is right," cried Paul. "He has been 
the necessary obstacle which makes these things 

"Well," responded Mederic, "if my wife doesn't 
take a dislike to him I'll keep him," 

'•Monsieur the Marquis does me great honor," 
said the valet, "but I am bound to leave tis service. 
I have sworn to follow the examples of my ancestors 
who died bachelors, every one of them, and who 
never would consent to go out to service with mar- 
ried people. I must religiously keep the promise I 
made to myself." 

Mederic married the lady with the blue hat, Paul 
married his cousin. The two households are per- 
fectly happv, and there are plenty of children, too. 
Mederic has given up German lessons. The little 
girl has an exct-Uent teacher, but she thinks he 
doesn't begin to teach her as much or as well as did 
her dear papa. 

"I have been intonding for several years," said 
the Marquis one day to his wife, ''to ask an explana- 
tion; but we've always had something else to talk 
about when we've been alone. Wuat kind of a hat 
was it you wore at Saint Koche the first time I saw 
you'? Was it blue or whileT' 

"Because I ordered a blue hat of my milliner. If 
I'd ordered a white one she would have given me the 
same hat, but it would have been white." 

We attended the performance of Offen- 
bach's new opera at the Bush St. Theatre on 
Tuesday evening. Thera was a fairly nu- 
merous audience, considering that the previ- 
ous day had been Celebration Day. We 
have of late been so overrun with Pina/»res 
and Pirates, that it is quite a relief to return 
for a while to our to our old favorite, Offen- 
bach. Madame Favart partakes more of the 
nature of a play than an opera, the lyrical 
portion being throughout very subsidiary to 
the dramatic. It abounds in telling situa- 
tions, but is wanting in those striking airs, 
which in the Grand Ducheas and other early 
productions of Offenbach, took the town by 
storm. The plot, which as in all such pieces, 
is slight, hinges on the love ^of Marshal 
Saxe for. the wife of Charles Favart, a dra- 
matic author, and her endeavors to avoid 
being arrested by the Marshal's envoy the 
Marquis de Pont-Sable,a foolish old gallant. 
This gives occasion for a number of capital 
scenes between the two. Emelie Melville, in 
the title role was most excellent, leaving 
nothing to be desired, either in actiag or 
singing. Mr. Max Freeman, as Chas. Favart 
had a telling part, to which he did full jus- 
tice, except in the lyrical portions, which are 
bis weak point. Mr. J. W. Jennings sus- 
tained the part of the gay old imbecile De 
Pontsable with much talent throughout. His 
part was one which required very careful 
handling, to avoid giving offence to an 
Anglo-Saxon audience, and he acquitted 
himself well of his task. Miss Oracle Plais- 
ted, as Suzanne, made up for her diminutive 
figure by her vivacity and energy. Of the 
remaining actors not much need be said. 
The scenery, especially in the last act, is 
good, the dresses handsome and appropriate, 
the piece well mounted, the girls all young, 
pretty, and well drilled. There is noth- 
ing very striking in the music of the opera, 
which is throughout of a more subdued char- 
acter, than is usually expected from Offen- 
bach. The finales to the second and third 
acts were the only portions which brought 
vividly to our mind some of the author's 
earlier efforts. Mr. Locke deserves much 
credit for the careful manner in which the 
opera has been mounted and prepared. 

At the Baldmn they have been serving up 
a rt-hash of the spectacular Tour of the 
World in 80 Days. Miss Neilson makes 
another "positively last appearance" for one 
week only. 

The Standard attracts full audiences to see 
Sunny South. 

The Vienna Ladies orchestra continue 
nightly to delight the frequenters of the 
pleasant resort at the corner of Sutter and 
Stockton streets. 

Sand-lot Circus. — The management de- 

serve great credit for the extraordinary at- 
tractions introduced on Sundaj' last. It was 
a worthy Fourth of July entertainment. A 
triple performance was given, three different 
rthows entertaining the public at the same 
time and regardless of expense. 

Mr. O'Djnnell first executedsome remark- 
able elocutionary feats on the tar-boiler. 

At two o'clock a service was held by Stet- 
son in the greenback pulpit. Tracts entitled 
■'Christian Labor Union" were distributed 
amongst the audience, which contained the 
Gospel according to Weaver. 

At half-past two, the Great and only K, 
made his first appearance on this Coast since 
his starring tour in the E,ist, which by the 
way, is said to have resulted very profitably 
(to him). Amidst the tumult (?) of applause 
which greeted the inimitable actor, a rash 
individual in the crowd raised a cheer for a 
party named Hancock. The sturdy sup- 
porters of political freedom were quietly 
preparing to kill this impious creature in the 
usual manner, when Keareny with his well- 
known magnanimity interfered. "Never 
mind, let him live for a few days till we kill 
all the other Hancock men. As soon as I 
recover from this debility, which my long 
and arduous labors in my country's cause, at 
Chicago, have entailed upon me, I will cause 
the State to seethe with such a bloody and 
ghastly turmoil, that what you have seen 
(furing the past three years will appear as 
the unruffled bosom of a meadow lake, com- 
pared with the tempestuous fury of an irre- 
pressible cyclone." Kearney then attempted 
to explain why he was Kearney, in one of his 
usual speeches, in the course of which he 
informed his hearers that he shed tears of 
joy whilst reading Weaver's letter of accep- 
tance! When Weaver gets elected, this 
touching scene would make a fine subject for 
a fresco on the walls of the Capitol. 

Theinterruptions just here were so frequent 
that Denis, who has not yet got accustomed 
to opposition, resigned the platform to some 
other oratorical stars. The s eae now 
became a perfect pandemonium and such 
gems of rhetoric as "lousyj Democrats," 
"red. nosed hoodlums," "green slum" 
"miserable curs" were hurled from the rost- 
rum of liberty with startling profusion. 
Eventually the performance developed into 
a contest of lungs, in which cheers for Han- 
cock and cheers for Weaver were given al- 
ternately by the rival factions for half an 
hour. After this closing chorus the police 
interfered, and rescued Kearney by main 
force from a crowd, which now resembled 
nothing so much as a horde of demons 
thirsting for his blood. Sic transit gloria 
mundil Meantime Wellock was entertaining 
unotber audience with abuse of the "iron 
jiwed hoodlum" as he gracefully termed 
Kearney, for whose tombstone he ha 1 pro- 
vided this touching and appropriate epitaph: 
"Here lies Denis Kearney, the coward, the 
liar, and the traitor; who led the honest 
workingmen to poverty and misery; cursed 
be a'l, respected by none and damned to all 

Altogether, as we said above the perform- 
ance of Sunday was highly creditable to the 
enterprising managers. Matinee as usual 
next Sunday at two o'clock. Seats may be 
secured in advance (by bringing them with 



^CONTKIBUTIONS for the Wj^p should he 
addresiied to the Editor, at the office, 602 Califor- 
nia Street. 

Please don't write with invisible ink. 
f lease don't send ns any jokes about your mother- 

Please don't call us a "valuable paper." 
Please remember that even editors are mortal. 

J. D. — Go into the nearest office and con- 
sult a directory. 

PopsY. — Very good. — We hope to be able 
to use it in a week or two. 

S. T. C. — Yes, we shall be very pleased to 
insert your interesting item regarding that 
remarkable cure — SIO a month in advance. 

Foreigner. — You are coiTectly informed 
that every American born citizen can become 
President. The chances are, however, only 
about 1 in 25,000,000, unless he is a native 
of Ohio. 

Douglass. — Your "bright and sparkling" 
tale received. It was so very sparkling that 
it unfortunately ignited, and was destroyed. 
We were, it is true, holding it near the gas 
at the time, which may, in some measure, 
account for the accident. 

Laurence, (Chicago.) — We cannot tell 
whether you would stand any chance of get- 
ting a position in a public institution of this 
' State. It depends much upon your abilities. 
You might apply to the managers of the in- 
stitutions at San Quentin and Stockton, which 
are, we believe easier to get into than any 

Sadie sends us a poem beginning "What 
are the wild waves saying." We have not of 
late been on speaking terms with the waves, 
Sadie, but we guess the burden of their re- 
marks would be that they are getting tired 
of following the chaste moou back and forth 
for several millions of years and would like 
a few centuries rest to digest the last half 
dozen ironclads they have swallowed. 

Imogen kindly sends us a suggestion for a 
cartoon, in which, amongst other things there 
figure the Aurora Borealis, the Goddess of 
Liberty weeping, George Washington with 
a "stern forbidding aspect," a dying Gladia- 
tor, the American Eagle and the Fire Fiend 
of Revolt, whoever that may be, besides a 
whole menagerie of other emblematical enig- 
mas. Really Imogen, you ask too much. 
Our artist can, it is true, tackle subjects 
which would stagger Rubens or Rembrandt, 
but your mythological nightmare is a little 
too much of a dose, even for him. 

A London Caravansary. 

London has hitherto been the most back- 
ward of cities in regard to hotel accommoda- 
tions, the existing ones being, until quite re- 
cently, more like houses of correction 
than comfortable resting places for the 
weary traveler. Of late years they have, 
however been taking some hints from Ameri- 
can hotels, and the result is a marked im- 
provement. The "Grand Hotel" recently 
erected in Trafalgar Square, London, on the 
site of the old mansion known as "Northum- 
berland Home" has cost including furnish- 
ing about two and a half million dollars, and 
is worthy to stand beside our "Baldwin" and 
"Palace" as a master piece of hotel architec- 
ture. It is located in the most central part 
of London, being close to Charing-cross, the 
centre from which the radii of the metropoli- 
tan area are calculated, and commands a 
fine view on the one side of the Thames and 
the Victoria Embankment, and on the other 
of Trafalgar-square. The design set before 
them by the proprietors, Messrs. Frederick 
Gordon and Company, is to afford to sojour- 
ners an establishment conducted on the sys- 
tem which has already obtained decided 
marks of approval in great hotels of the 
Continent and America, and in which all the 
improvements provided by the recent revived 
study of matters apertaining to domestic 
health and comfort, and the recent advance 
in decorative taste, might be rendered prac- 
tically available. The entrance is by a lofty 
vestibule and hall of marble, with a pave- 
nent of mosaic, and a ceiling supported by 
marble and alabaster. Occupying the central 
are^ is the great dining-hail — receiving day- 
light through a curved roof of stained glass 
— and in which white scagliola columns with 
gilded capitals, macble dado and pilasters, 
lofty Venetian mirrors, parqueterie flooriug, 
rich crimson carpets, and furniture of black 
walnut, engraved with gold, combine to 
produce a very charming effect. The salle 
is of proportions to accommodate about 300 
guests. The table d'hote is served on the 
American system. Adjoining this is a sec- 
ondary dining-hall, with stained glass win- 
dows and ceiling finely ornamented in tints 
of buff, blue and gold. On the same floor is 
also a spacious reception and reading room, 
with chimney pieces of carved work in solid 
walnut. The first and second series of cor- 
ridors are lighted by stained glass windows 
with historical scenes. In the grand corridor 
the principal apartment, having an outlook 
upon the Thames Embankment and Char- 
ing-cross Gardens, is the Ladies' Drawing- 
room, the walls of which have silken panels, 
in celadon, blue and bluff tints, bordered 
with embroidered satin, and rising from a 
dado of black and gold, harmonizing with 
the furniture, which is of black walnut, 
inlaid ebony, and engraved gold, uphol- 
stered in crimson silk damadk. Adjoining 
this apartment is the library and writing 
room, separated from the corridor by a 
screen of stained glass, with center panel.s 
containing figures representing arts and 
sciences, and door panels with figures of 
Fame and Plenty. The remaining corridors 
of the first and second story, and the four 
upper corridors, contain suites of rooms 
suitable for families, as well as single sleep- 
ing apartments. The rooms vary in form, 
and this variety has afforded opportunity for 
the exercise of a wealth of taste in the deco- 
ration and furnishing, which elicited un- 
bounded admiration from the hundreds who 
were afforded an opportunity for inspection. 
The rich carpetings which cover every floor 
and passage were supplied by the world re- 
nowned house of Maple & Co. at a cost of 
$300,000. A complete system of electric 
bells have been arranged; and electricity is 
also employed in the instantaneous lighting 
of the gas-burneis. 

Hall's Vegetable Sicilian Hair Kenewee is a 
scientific combination of some of the most powerful 
restorative agents in the vegetable kingdom. It 
restores gray hair to its original color. It makes the 
sculp white and clean. It cures dandruff and hu- 
mors, and falling out of the hair. It furnishes the 
nutritive principle by which the hair is novuished 
and supported. It makes the hair moist, soft and 
glossy, and is nnsurpassed as a hair dressing. It is 
the most economicnl preparation ever offered to the 
public, as its effects remain a long time, making 
only an occasional application necessary. It is 
recommended and used by eminent medical men, 
and officially endorsed by the State Assayer of Mas- 
sachusetts. The popularity of Hall's Hair Keuewer 
has increased with the test of many years, both in 
this country and in foreign lands, and it is now 
known and used in all the civilized countries of the 

Foe Sale by all Dealsbs. 

Philadelphia Brewery. 

— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1879, 45,034 barrels of beer, being 
twioe ae much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city (See Official Report, U. 
S. Internal Revenne January, 1880.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequaled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 


Cor. Sutter and Stockton Sts. 

(Formerly the TIVOLI.) 




Ladies' Orchestra 

Has been engaged permanently for 


Nightly Performance of the well known Xylophone and Cornet 

Soloist, MIC. WILLI.4.n FOItKEU. 

Commencing every Evening at 8 o'clock, 

MATINEE CONCERT, every Sunday 3 P. M. Sharp 


The enlarged Hall and Gardens have been thoroughly reno- 
vated, beautified and fitted up as a FIRST CLASS FAMILY 
RESORT. RIECK & CO., Proprietors, 


WILLIA^I SIIIKES, Office: 506 Market) 

Street. Factory: 1816 Mason. 


The German Savings and Loan 

For the half year endins this date, the Board of Directort* of 
a Dividend on Term Depositi* at the rate of six (0) percent, 
per annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of five {oi 
per c«ut. per annum, free from Federal Taxes, and payablo 
on and after the 16tli day of July, 1880. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

San Francisco, June 30th. 1880. 


San Francisco Savings Union 

532 California Street, Corner Webb. 

For the half year ending with June 30th, 1880, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of six (6) 
per cent, per annum on Term Deposits, and five (5) 
per cent, per annum on Ordinary Deposits, free 
of Federal tax, payable on and after Wednesday, 
July 14th. 18aO. 




A Japanese Belle's Stockings. 

The prettiest and daintiest of Japanese 
belles now in Europe was recently discover- 
ed in partial deshabille by some lady visitors, 
■who were captivated by the effect of the neat 
and closely fitted tahi upon her tiny feet, 
and pronounced them, after leavinfjf, just too 
awfully nice for anythin<T, while the contrast 
between the snowy whiteness of the linen 
sandals and the peculiar delicate tint of the 
stockings beneath was perfectly splen did! 
They easily procured the tabi, but they 
searched in vain for matches to the lovely 
hose. The new color was evidently a rare 
Oriental dye, which had not reached the 
marts of Europe. In their disappointment 
sore they went to the Japanese lady and ex 
plained to her that they had set their hearts 
on producing, in their morning negligees, the 
same combination that they had noticed on 
her feet and ankles. Would she be so kind as 
to lend them one of her stockings to enable 
manufacturers to attempt an imitation ? 
And the little lady smiled and gracefully 
whipped aside her "uwagi, vakagi and skila- 
gi," disclosing that the admired stockings 
were not the mysteriou? products of some 
jealously-guarded Eastern loom, but the 
dusky, unadorned tegument with which na- 
ture hai provided her. — lotio (Japan) 


-~ — . »- ^ I 

A Queer Sort of a Blessing. 

A gentleman in a town near Boston invited 
home one of the deacons of the church he 
attended. The guest offered blessing at the 
table, which proceeding greatly excited the 
curiosity of the gentleman's five-year-old 
son, who sat beside the deacon and inter- 
viewed him on the subject. 

"What was that j'ou said ?" he began. 

"It was a blessing on the food we are 
about to eat, replied the deacon. 

"A what?" 

"Why, a blessing. Don't your father asK 
a blessing at the table?" 

"Oh, yes; but he don't say it that way." 

"How does he say it?" 

"Why, be sits down and looks at the table 
and says, 'Oh, the devil ! is this all you've 
got for dinner?" — Springfield Republican. 

Some women make a jjreat deal of fuss and 
labor hard in trying to persuade a hen not to 
set. The same amount of work and ingenui- 
ty directed in another channel might revolu- 
tionize society in some particular, but she 
never thinks of that. To prevent a fifty-cent 
hen from setting a woman will devote five 
dollars worth of time and labor. But a 
certain New Jersey woman is ar. exception. 
She placed a red-hot glass egg in the nest 
and the hen soon lost all appetite for setting. 
The fact that the barn was burned and the 
hen perished in the flames may deter some 
women from trying the same experiment, 
but it can be recommended as going right to 
the spot. — Ex 

The order of A. O. U. W. is steadily in- 
creasing in California at the rate of 300 to 
500 per month, and now numbers about 10,- 
500, while the total membership in the Uni- 
ted States and Canadas is upwards of eighty 

"Loves Labor Lost"— Sparking a pretty 
woman for thirty-seven consecutive weeks 
and then making the discovery that she has 
a husband in Australia. — Keokuk Gate City. 

The Philadelphia Mirror thinks that the 
bathing dress of 188D is a good thing for 
some other fellow's sister to wear. 

It's no use to tsll a man it's wicked to 
swear. He wants to be wicked when he 


$2.00, $2.50 and $3.0O, 


C^The only opticians on this coast who maVe 
spectacle lenses to order. A large assortment of the 
finest AKTIFICIAL HUMAN EYES constantly on 


Scientific Opticians, 427 Kearny St., bet. Pine and 

Country Orders Promptly Attended To. 



No acids used; terms moderate. 850 Market street. 
Lady will assist with lady patients. 


A CAR LOAD of this celebrated Beer 




N. E. Corner Kearny .ind Sutter Streets. 





B. CURTAZ, 20 O'Farrell St. 

The improvements made at this establishment, first for the SAFETY of its patrons, in the way of 
LIFE LINES, RAFTS, etc., then by the construction of ROOMY PL.iTFORMS with SEATS for 
spectators, also an ELEVATED PLATFORM in front of Ladies' Parlor, commanding a view of the 
beach rafts, and of the whole of the Golden Gate. In short a popular and pleasant resort for gentlemen, 
ladies and children. 


Foot ot Li^I^KIN A.ND HYDE STS. 

X IX ^ 







Standard, Monarch, Nonpareil and Novelty. 
Billiard and Pool Tables. 

The J. M. BRUNSWICK & BALKE CO., Billiard Table Mannfactnrers, and Dealer.? in Billiard Ma- 
terials. All Billiard Tables supplied with the CELEBRATED MONARCH CUSHIONS. 

Nos. 653 & 655 M4ltKKT STItKKT, opposite Kearny St. 





The "Wealth of a Few Ancient Mil- 
lionaires Compvred "With Modern 

The ancient historians have a great deal to 
say about the wealth of ancient Greeks and 
Bomans, but none of them were so rich, in 
all pjobability, as are many living Ameri- 
cans. Croesus, King of Lydia, five hundred 
years before the Christian era, had so much 
gold, with othsr kinds of property, that 
"rich as Crcesus" has for ages been a thread- 
bare simile. He was the great plutocrat of 
antiquity and it is difficult to judge of the 
value of bis possessions; but it is not at all 
likely that it ever reacbed more than $10,- 
000,000 to $12,000,000 of our money. There 
are, no doubt, forty New Yorkers, at least, 
worth more than he, and some six or seven 
may have fourfold his wealth. The richest 
Boman in Julius Caesar's time, and one of 
the Triumvirate, was Marcus Licinius Cras- 
sus, an astute speculator, noted for avarice. 

His fortune has often been estimated, and 
never above $9,000,000 to $10,000,000 in 
Uiiited States currency. An Athenian or 
Boman who could count his estate at what 
would be 1,000,000 of our dollars was con- 
sidered very wealthy; but residents of Man- 
hattan who have no more than $1,000,000 
are not now considered particularly well off, 
and are unknown among the opulent mem- 
bers of the community. Mere millionaires 
are so common here as to merit little distinc- 
tion financially. There were no such estates 
in ancient times as those of the Astors and 
Vanderbilts, and no such private fortunes as 
are held not only here, but in Boston, Phila- 
delphia and other cities of the Republic. 

The growth of wealth has been prodigious 
in this country within this generation. Some 
of the largest accumulations in the land 
have been made within forty or fifty years. 
Half a century ago, only one man in the 
metropolis was worth $1,000,000, and his 
name was John Jacob Astor. Now hundreds 
of our fellow-citizens can go beyond those 
figures, and they feel rather poor than other- 
wise. When Stephen Girard died, in 1831, 
he was considered by all odds the richest 
man on this continent — noboby approached 
or began to approach him monetarily — and 
yet his property was not valued at more 
than $8,000,000. Men who do not regard 
themselves as very old can easily remember 
when $100,000 was thought to be a fortune, 
even in our largest cities, and when $10,000 
in the small towns was an independence. 
At present, $100,000 is hardly reckoned suf- 
ficient to make a man comfortable and $10,- 
would not be deserving of mention, unless 
in a rural village of New England, where 
general poverty lends a magnifying power to 
any eye that contemplates any kind of coin. 
Within the next 50 years it is likely that pri- 
vate fortunes will be increased beyond what 
they have been in the same period in the 
past. In 1930 or 1940 it is probable enough 
that we shall hear of plain American citizens 
who are worth $100,000,000 to $150,000,000, 
and who will be grumbling that they have no 
more. — X. Y. Jimea. 

It is becoming fashionable to connect 
printing offices by telephone with churches, 
which enables the editorial staff to slaughter 
two ornithological specimens with a single 
rock, BO to speak.. Journalists can play 
eucbre and hear a sermon at the same time; 
but the advantages are all on one side. The 
minister can't watch the progress of the 
game as he preaches. — Nonrii'twon Herald. 


The Leading Optician, 

135 Montgomery St., 

Near Bmh, oJ>JxitiU the Occidental HettL 

SPECTACLES.— Their adaptation to the various 
conditiona of sight has been my specialty for 


Directions and Price Lists mailed tree. Orders by 
Mail or Express promptly avtended to. 


C. MULLER, Optician, 

135 Montgomery Street, near Bush 

Established, S. F. 1863. 


Importers and Dealers in 


Plumbing and Gas Fitting, Tin, Copper and Sheet 
Iron Jobbing done promptly. MILK CANS a spe- 



p^ Agents for the celebrated "WINTHBOP KAN- 


Drapery made and Repaired. 
902 LARKIN ST., bet. Post and Geary, 

Practical Teacher on the ZITHER. 

Music for Concerts, Sereuades, Fartiea, etc., famished at rea- 
sonable rates. 

Cups for Engine, Machine and Shaft Bearings and 
Loose Pulleys. We furnish the Albany Compound 
(a solid , $1 worth of which will last as long as from 
$2 to $10 worth of Oil. with no slop, and with onb- 
TWENTIETH the ATTENTION required by the best oil 

If the Caps are not satisfactory, wc -erill recelve_theni back 
and ii.ake no charge. 

The cheapest and most 
economical Cylinder Cap. 
Can be instantly regula- 
ted to feed a few drops 
per minute, and the drops 
can be c^^unted as they 
pass through the glass 

Cylinder coiTosion is not so 
much owing to impure tallow 
or oil as to the fact that those 
animal fats do not itaintain 
their integrity under steam 
heat, but decompose and set 
free acids which attack and 
destroy metal. 

The Albany Cylinder Oil 
does not contain fatty acids — 
is incapable of being decom- 
posed and does not form in- 
soluble soaps. 

If it becomes mixed with 
boiler incrustation it dimin- 
ishes its tendency to cling to 
the siden of the boiler, and 
thus exerts in this respect also' 
a bentiicial action. 

Albany Cyliuder Oil, 

is now in use throughout the 
world, and we refer to nearly 
all first-class establishments 
on this coast for evidence of 
its efficacy. 

Pure Winter Straiueil Lard Oil 

by every vessel from New York. 


SIGNAL OIL for outside lights of vessels, etc. 

The Albany Lubricating Compound and Cup.s, the 
Albany Spindle Oil, etc., can only be gotten trom u» 
or our agents. Send for catalogues. 


329 Market and 3 Fremont Streets, 
San Francisco, 




^ ^6^^Y§f 







How One of Whitelaw Reid's Proteges 
Distinguished Himself. 

One of the little lambs picked up in the 
streets of New York by Whitelaw Raid, and 
sent West to find a home, was adopted 
by a Detroit family about two mouths ago, 
• and, ere this is published, Mr. Reid has re- 
ceived a big postal card, announcing that 
his dear little lamb has gone West to fight 
Indians, and that he needn't mind about 
sending another to take his place. The 
New York lamb was 13 years old. He said 
so at the depot on his arrival, and half an 
hour later he reiterated the statement at the 
house, and added: "And if you don't be- 
lieve it, then call me a liar. That's the sort 
of spring gun I am, and don't you forget it." 
They didn't forget it. He gave them no 
chance to. He ate with his fiijgers, wiped 
his mouth on his sleeve, and told the folks 
that he didn't come AVest to have his hair 
combed or his face washed as a regular busi- 
ness. On the first evening he slipped out, 
had three fights and stole a dog, aud when 
hunted up he was about to take his beer in a 
saloon. The family expected to wrestle with 
the boy for a while, and they didn't sit down 
on him until it became a painful necessity. 
During his first week he stole $5 in money, 
a gol.1 chain, a revolver and a pair of ear- 
rings, and he got drunk twice. When rea- 
soned with and asked to do better he took a 
fresh chew of tobacco and replied: "Oh, 
you Michigan folks are too soft! If a fellow 
can't have a good time what's the use of 
being an orphan ?" On Monday of the 
second week he sold the family dog to a 
stranger for a quarter, threw the saw and ax 
into the alley, and when locked up in a 
closet he tore a Sunday coat to pieces. It 
was thought best to have a policeman talk 
to him, and one was called in. He put on 
his fiercest look, and lectured the lamb for 
fifteen minutes, but as soon as he stopped 
for breath the young sinner replied : "Now 
see here, old buttons, you are wasting time! 
I know my little gait, I do; and if you think 
I've come to a village like this to be bluffed 
by anybody, you've missed your train!" He 
was taken to Sunday school by the band. 
He hadn't been there half an hour when he 
was taken out by the collar. He seemed 
anxious to punch the head of every good 
little boy within half a mile and told the 
teacher of his class that when she could stuff 
Moses in the bulrushes down him it would 
be after she had bleached out the freckles. 
They gave him a Sunday-school book to fit 
in his case, but he fitted it to a crack in the 
sidewalk on his way home. When moral 
suasion had no effect on the wicked youth 
his guardian tried the rod. He was bigger 
than the boy, and he walloped him, but 
within three hours two of the nuts were 
taken off his buggy and thrown away. There 
was a second seance in the woodshed, and 
before dark a window-glass worth $8 was 
broken. The orphan was faithfully and duly 
and persistently wrestled with. He was 
coaxed and flattered. He was licked and 
reasoned with. Ambition, gratitude, fear 
and avarice were alike appealed to in turn, 
but as he was the first day, so he was the 
last. A few days ago he was told that he 
would be sent to the Reform School at Lan- 
sing if there was any further trouble with 
him. That night he stole $5 of the cook, a 
butcher-knife from the pantry, a pie from 
the sideboard, and departed the house, leav- 
ing on the bed a note as follows: "This 
town ar' no place for a N. York orfun. I'm 
going out on the planes to fite Injuns. It 
will be useless to f oiler me, I can't be took 
Alive!" — Detroit Free Press. 


— SOLD AT — 


Corner Brvaut ^nrv Fifth Streets. 


For Filing the WASP. 

Can be obtained at the office at 60 cents a piece. 


"•**' "^erao" 




Dress AND CloakMaker 

10S4i Larkin St. Near Sutter, 



Sole Agent Phelan & Collender's New Improved Pa- 
tent Cushions, Billiard Goods, etc. No. 585 MAR- 


Is positively the lightest running Lock-stitch mt- 
chine in the market. 

PERFECT in every feature and COMPLETE in 
all its detiiils. 

It embodies all of the MODERN improyementf 
that are of PROVED VALUE. TRY IT. 

29 POST STREET, bet. Kearny and Montgomery. 


Photo * Lithography 



Taken at the Office of the WASP, 602 Cali- 
fornia Street. s:^Sati8f action guaranteed! 


tM ip^j