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Full text of "The WASP Vol.3, pt.2 (Jan.-July 1879)"

! D EDO? 12t3iilTi' 

California State Librae 



Accession No. 
Call No 



53679 

V \M 



C c..O 5 



TE PRINTING OFFICE ^Djb"^S — Sr**^^\ 



98767 11-32 10M CALIFORNIA STA 



Digitized by the Internet Archive 

in 2012 with funding from 

California State Library Califa/LSTA Grant 



http://archive.org/details/waspvol3pt21879unse 



354 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 

- AT 

602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 



TERMS- 
CITY SUBSCRIBERS 
Thirty-five cents pee month delivered by carrier 
Single copies, ten cents. 



BY MAIL 
To all parts of the United States/ Canada and British 
Columbia, 

(INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE) 

(^Postage Free) 

One Year - - - - - $4.00 

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TO ALL PARTS OF EUROPE: 

^Postage Free) 

One Year - - - - $5.00 

Six Months - $2.50 

Three Months - - - $1.25 



Notice to Country News Dealers. — The San 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmasters. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, JANUARY 4, 187$. 



•' 'Gamut the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



For the past three years or so the voice of 
the press of the country has been accusing 
Mr. Secor Robeson of downright thievery 
while acting as Grant's Secretary of the Navy. 
Mr. Robeson has suddenly become aware of 
this, and has blushed and has — demanded an 
investigation. 



There is upon one point a singular coinci- 
dance between the gentlemen who control 
those sprightly and interesting journals, the 
Call, the Bulletin, and the Chronicle. That 
point is their utter detestation of libel and 
libellers — at times.. They seldom seem to 
agree, however, in respect to individual 
cases. Pickering calls a man a bad name 
and Charley De Young puts on his most vir- 
tuous air and cries "libeller." DeYoung 
knocks the bottom out of the reputation of 
some first class bilk and Loring in a cautious, 
general, way alludes to the "reckless ^tafe- 
nuents of the venial press by v/hich. .'h'cin'oi'a'bis 
men's characters are often assailed and some- 
times ruined. " It depends .altogftthef,' \jppn; 
whose bull is gored. ':."..'':'.''• : ; 



THE »EW PARTY. 

When the party which now meets with 
punctual regularity on the Sand-lots in front 
of the new City Hall, every Sunday, first 
commenced its operations, there was a large 
portion of the more intelligent population 
which felt disposed to sympathise with it. 
Those who assumed its leadership did not 
possess any great amount of information; 
they were coarse, even brutal, in their mode 
of expression, but there was an apparent 
honesty of purpose about them which com- 
mended itself to a soft place in the popular 
heart. Intelligent people all knew that the 
fact of a man having worked, with horny 
hands, draying merchandise on the city 
front, did not necessarily make him any more 
honest than his fellowmen. Intelligent peo- 
ple all knew that an illiterate cobbler was 
not a suitable person to revise or remodel 
the work of Jefferson and Monroe — and that, 
too, without believing that their work was 
beyond revision. Intelligent people all 
knew that a professional man who was un- 
able to make a living at his own occupation 
was not necessarily any more capable be- 
cause of that fact. But then the truth stared 
every one in the face that rascality of every 
kind was rampant, and, if these people — this 
party—were capable of improving the exist- 
ing condition of affairs, a great good would 
be effected. Hence the sympathy. 

As time wore on, however, there have arisen 
grave grounds for doubt as to the immacu- 
late honesty of this party who clamored for 
reform. As a political organization it has 
elected to office men, a majority of whom are 
principally distinguished for their utter obs- 
curity, a few whose previous careers were 
open to adverse criticism, a number who 
were gloriously incapable, and, at least, one 
down-right scoundrel. This is ut.erlyin- 
compatable with the professed object of the 
party — reformation; hence arises doubts as 
to its honesty. 

So far as this journal is concerned we have 
supported the principles contended for by 
this party; but for some time past we have 
not been altogether in sympathy with it — 
and still less so with its leaders. As at pre- 
sent constituted we could not regard its suc- 
cess as being a triumph for good government. 
Good government cannot come from a politi- 
cal party, which implicitly, blindly, follows 
the utterances of one man, or one set of men. 
And we don't like men who become insolent- 
ly dictative in a moment of victory. The old 
parties are full of sham, of hypocracy, and of 
deceit; if the new party gives way to exactly 
the same moral peculiarities, together with 
a number of new ones, then we prefer the 
old "machines." 

We are lead into this train of thought by 
perusing the report of "Dr." O'Donnell's li- 
bel suit. No man has been louder in his de- 
nunciations of wrong than this "Dr." He 
commenced to orate upon this long before 
the present party came into existance. In 
fact, he is regarded by some as being its real 
•fiundei'. "'He advised, frequently, that every 
woriiingtoan should keep a gun in his house 
for, the purpose of shooting the wicked scoun- 
drels wK6_f<}ri}ied "the other side." And now 



it comes out that this advocate of virtue is — a 
murderer. The new party should do better 
than this, or else give up. "Dr." O'Don- 
nell's character was known before he went 
on the Sand-lots. "Dr." O'Donnell's char- 
acter was a bye word and a reproach amongst 
respectable men before the Sand-lots became 
the rendevous for our able bodied reformers. 
It is useless to say now that he was not 
known at the time he was nominated. He 
was. The writer of this article heard one of 
the Chronicle editors speak of him as being 
"a man with whom no respectable person 
would associate," three months before the 
Sand-lots became the rallying point for this 
new movement. Besides, Nominating Con- 
ventions have no right to nominate men who 
are not known — at least so far as good char- 
acter is concerned. One of the principal 
troubles with the old parties lay in the fact 
that they used to do that — sometimes; if the 
new one can do no better there is no room 
for it. Nor is this mistake as to "Dr." 
O'Donnell the first or the only one of the 
kind which this party has made. The Dis- 
trict Attorney for Sacramento is one of its 
nominees — and it is a notorious fact that se- 
veral criminals stand a very good chance of 
escaping through his incapacity. Senator 
Bones was one of its nominees — and suppor- 
ted several questionable measures. Persons 
even imperfectly acquainted with the person- 
nel of its delegation in the present Constitu- 
tional Convention know of several members 
who could not be trusted — to use a common 
phrase — amongst silver spoons. This is not 
desirable; this is not reformation. 

When the new party started out, its leader 
announced loudly that he did not intend to 
allow any "politicians" within its sacred fold. 
Since then he has picked up with several of 
the lowest of that class — O'Donnell and Ben 
Butler for example. All politicians are not 
bad; on the contrary many of them ure hon- 
orable and good men, and if trie Sand-lots 
are in earnest they should not merely admit ; 
but seek for, the active co-operation of all 
good men. But to group public men in a 
class, denounce the class and bar it out of 
the organization, and then to receive with 
open arms as many of the characterless ones 
as chose to come, is the absurd of all other 
absurdities exquisitely absurd. 



JUDGE FAWCETT. 



"Judge" Fawcett is a man of resources; a 
man of great brain power. No ordinary 
event or course of events apall him. Like 
Mark Tapley he comes out strong under diffi- 
culties. Like Napolean of old he ties a nap- 
kin round his jaws and surmounts all obsta- 
cles. We regard "Judge " Fawcett as one 
of the great men of this country. 

The learned jurist recently got elected to 
the Constitutional Convention. In the face 
fo the fact that he was at the time holding 
office as a District Judge and the clear pro- 
vision of the present Constitution barring 
any person from holding two offices at one 
time, it seemed somewhat difficult for ordi- 
nory minds to understand how he was to oc- 
cupy the two positions. But his mind is not 
an ordinary one. Like himself, it is a most 
extraordinary one and so he took his seat. 



I53G79 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



355 



In taking that seat, and attending to its 
duties, it necessarily followed that he neg- 
lected those other and, perhaps, more impor- 
tant duties which appertained to his judicial 
position. Public opinion as expressed through 
the Press, spoke harshly of his Honor, and 
his Honor, in return, was good enough to en- 
deavor to put a gag upon the Press. All 
that was highly interesting, but not so inter- 
esting as the grande finale by which this mo- 
dern Justinian has fairly earned the right to 
have his name illuminated upon the pages of 
history. It seems that, when it pleased this 
Lord Highcockalorum to return to his rural 
Bench and give trial to those individuals 
who were languishing behind the prison bars 
awaiting his autocratic pleasure, two or three 
of the lawyers engaged in the defence of an 
accused person objected to the jurisdiction 
of the Court upon the technical grounds that 
the judge having accepted a second public 
office-had, in law, forfeited the first. That 
was a legal objection which any ordinary 
judge would have disposed of by over-ruling 
or admitting. Not so, this judicial giant; as 
we said before he is no ordinary judge. He 
simply exposed sophistry of the arguments 
of the lawyers by committing them (the law- 
yers) for contempt of Court. This was clear- 
ly the shortest and most effectual method 
which could have been adopted. And after 
all it was magnanimous, on his part, not to 
order the offenders to be beheaded at once. 
That he did not do so is a clear triumph for, 
what Mr. Pixley would term, republican in- 
stitutions. Just fancy one of Bismarck's, or 
Gortchakoff's judges permitting a paltry ad- 
vocate to tell him that he wasn't a judge at all. 
"Why greased lightning couldn't slide down 
a haystack half as fast as that advocate would 
have his ears cut off and his tongue plucked 
out; and all our judge has done is to send 
the sceptics to prison. In the mean time can 
some well informed person tell us, what is 
contempt of Court ? 



f See Illustration on First Page. J 
A HAPPY NEW YEAR ! 

Since we made our last appearance one 
year has passed into the irrevocable past, and 
another, a newer, and, let us hope, a better 
one, has bobbed into the present. 

Standing, as we do, upon the threshold of 
a new period of tifffe, with the footfalls of 
the fleeting old one faintly ringing in our 
ears it is eminently fit and proper that each 
of us should make a number of good resolu- 
tions — to be carefully kept until broken. 

The possibilities of this new year are great. 
Every poor man may within the circle of the 
next twelve months become rich — again, he 
may not; but, while there is a chance for the 
more desirable result to occur, let us all keep 
a stiff upper lip. By the exercise of a great 
deal of self-denial, we may, each of us, 
manage to tell the truth once in a while. 
Every single maiden in the State may, by a 
careful attention to the set of her pull-back 
and the arrangement of her curls, fairly hope 
to enslave the amourous soul of some male 
descendent of Adam. The past may have 
been dark and unsatisfactory to all of us, but 
who can tell the refulgent glory which may 
lay hidden in the future. 



There are certain occasions when men 
reckon up possessions, view their surround- 
ings and are more or less discouraged or in- 
couraged thereby. This New Year's season 
is one of them. Every drunkard in the land 
has been calmly awaiting, for the past eleven 
months, the arrival of this New Year in order 
that he may reform. Every man whose ex- 
travagant manner of life has been steadily 
carrying him to the felon's cell or the sui- 
cide's grave has been waiting patiently for 
the arrival of this season of good resolutions 
in order that he might commence to econo- 
mise. Why on earth the eleventh of Novem- 
ber would not make quite as good a date to 
commence doing right upon as the first of 
January beats our comprehension. Tradi- 
tion, we suppose has ordained that the New 
Year is the proper starting place from which 
to date a better mode of life; and tradition, 
of course, must be right (but tradition al- 
ways did get the best of our comprehension). 
Our grandfathers "swore off" from all bad 
habits at the beginning of each New Year — 
and did not our grandfathers bleed the fever 
stricken patient unto death's door, and do a 
great many other sensible things? Our 
grandfathers handed down this tradition to 
us and we must observe it. There is, it is 
true, a tendancy in this age to discard absur- 
dities which have nothing to recommend 
them except ancient custom. Ecclesiastics, 
however, tell us that this is a very sad dis- 
position which should be repressed; and ec- 
clesiastics being, as we all know, men of cul- 
ture and discernment it would be presump- 
tion on our part to dispute the point with 
them. 

At any rate we will all join in the senti- 
ment of the poet laureate's lines: 

"King out the old, ring in the new; 
King out the false; ring in the true." 

And next year the one which is now "new" 
and "true" will the "old" and "false." 



fSee Illustration on Last Page,] 
IN A TERRIBLE FIX. 

The illustration to be found on our last 
page represents that sublime patriot, that 
heaven born reformer, the Sand-lot "Dr." in 
his present position. This is the man who 
has been declaiming, for years past, against 
"the thieves and robbers" who have the 
management of our public affairs. He, this 
degraded blackguard, without character or 
culture, is the person who has been advising 
"every workingman to keep a gun in his 
house" for the purpose of shooting men who 
are morally as far above Mm as the heavens 
are above the earth. And the Lieutenant- 
General says: Oh! he was true to "the 
party," but we must fire him out. He may 
be an "abortionist," a child-murderer, a wo- 
man-murderer; that does not matter much — 
so long as he was true to "the party." But 
then he has been unfortionate enough to be 
exposed and so, to save appearances, we must 
give him the bounce. Had he been an hon- 
est, right doing man who took liberty of ex- 
ercising the privileges of his high office and 
casting an intelligent vote in opposition to 
my wishes, the superior stock of billingsgate 



invective, of which I am the repository, would 
have been insufficient for his denunciation. 
As it is, why he is only a faithful — scoun- 
drel. 

If the Sand-lot utterances of last Sunday 
mean anything that is what they do mean. 
And after all, why should so much fuss be 
made over the "Dr's" moral delinquencies ? 
Is there not another abortionist who has been 
orating at the Sand-lots during the past sum- 
mer? Don't these malefactors swarm our 
principal streets with their offices ? Is there 
a reporter on Mr. DeYoung.'s staff who could 
not point out half a dozen of such establish- 
ments in.ide of three blocks ? Is there a de- 
tective in the pay of this city who could not 
do so ? Doesn't the Chief of Police know it 
is so ? And then why should we all get so 
virtuously indignant over "Dr." O'Donnell? 
"Why ? Because we are all, like the Sand- 
lot leader, first class frauds. 



WE SUPPOSE IT WAS THIS WAY. 

The Police Commissioners for the City and 
and County of San Francisco met on Wed- 
nesday evening last for the purpose of regu- 
lating the pay of officers. The meeting was 
held with closed doors, and the windows and 
other apertures were barricaded with Gat- 
ling guns; consequently we are not prepared 
to say whether the following resolutions were 
passed or not: 

Resolved, That Allah is great, but that the 
Police Commissioners are greater. 

Resolved, That the Police Force of this city 
shall consist of officers, corporals, ser- 
geants, and captains; all of whom shall be 
male citizens of the United States. 

Resolved, That the members of the said 
Police Force shall perform such duties as are 
assigned to them by the Chief of Police and 
the Police Commissioners. 

Resolved, That the members of the said 
Police Force shall be paid as is herein, here- 
out, heretofore, hereafter, or somewhere else 
provided. 

Resolved, That the Sergeant-at-Arms, at- 
tended by the Mace Bearer, and a guard of 
sixteen Deputy Ushers of the "Wax Candle 
will now take the "Upper Office" beer pitcher 
and have the same filled at the nearest sa- 
loon. 

Resolved, That the Commissioners will 
upon the arrival of the said pitcher drink to 
the very good health of the New Year, after 
which they will wipe off their chins and ad- 
journ. 



The Constitutional Convention has at last 
accomplished something tangible. Some- 
thing of a substantial nature which the mem- 
bers of that august assemblage can, in after 
years, point to with pardonable pride. "We 
refer to the presentation to President Hoge, 
by the pages, of a gold mounted cane. To 
think that it only required three months de- 
liberation, on the part of this gathering of 
immaculate honesty and unapproachable in- 
telligence, to purchase a gold mounted cane 
is indeed reassuring. The New Constitution 
will be completed — sometime. 



Subscribe for the "Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



356 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



A "COASTING" LEGEND. 



IN TWO PARTS-PART II. 





1. And as the cavalcade proceedeth it 
meeteth the old dame. 



2. She also taketh a seat and the vehicle 
is overcrowded in defiance of the law. 





3. And lo they come to an exceeding high 
precipice and the party breaketh up. 



4. Truly the fall thereof was great and 
the snow was soft. "Yea and verily 




5. At last they recover their perpendicu- 
lur and the pedagogue giveth the small boy 
a lesson. 




6. And then they seek for their homes, 
each one with a sore heart, and the boy with 
a sore seat. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



357 




A head for display — that of the foreman in 
a printing office. 

Is warfare.— .Boston Transcript. No, cer- 
tainly not; no more is peaceful. 

Actors who wish to have a full house on 
their benefit night, should invite their cre- 
ditors. 

Edison, Shere Ali, and Gortschakoff are to 
be burlesqued on the stage in London. "Why 
was Pixley left out ? 

The fencing in North Carolina is valued at 
$10,000,000 In San Francisco a dead beat 
occasional fences for a free meal. 

AVhen the last trumpet sounds there won't 
be a single policeman looking for Stewart's 
bones, and ten to one they will turn up all 
right. 

The difference between an actor and a 
Chinaman lies in the fact that the former fol 
lows his cue while the latter is followed by 
his cueue. 

Talmage says: "the devil is going out of 
business." Perhaps his Satanic Majesty 
finds the parson is too powerful an oppo- 
nent ? 

We are told that an army surgeon says he 
never saw but one man who hadn't rather go 
into battle than have a tooth drawn. — Ex. 
Did he saw him? 

Horse hides are now manufactured into 
robes. — Ex. If cow hides were only^put to 
the same useful purpose what a relief it 
would be to many a newspaper man's soul. 

One would think there was no great re- 
semblance between the loyal addresses to the 
new Governor-General of Canada and a 
widow, but there is. They are both for 
Lome. 

Senator Sargent is going away to the Ba- 
hamas for his health. — Ex. Now, by the 
Lord Harry, the only pity is that the Sena- 
tor did not go there — and stay there — six 
years ago. 

Talmage says: "Convert editors and all 
nations will seek salvation." That's all right 
brother, but it costs money; no editor will 
get religion unless he has a new suit of 
clothes to go to church in. 

The office of Poet-General to the King of 
the Cannibal Islands has just been declared 
vacant. Without any 'desire to discourage 
emigration in that direction, it is but right 
to add that the last incumbent was eaten by 
his Majesty. 



This is an age of infidelity and general 
doubt, they are even beginning to question 
if alcohol intoxicates. Like testing the ef- 
ficacy of a mule's hind leg there is nothing 
so convincing as a practical trial. 

Mast scientists have asserted that there 
can be no such thing as perpetual motion, 
but a man has written to this office inviting 
all those unbelievers to come along and ex- 
amine his wife's tongue — and be convinced. 

There is an indescribable feeling of holi- 
ness that comes to us when meditating on the 
priceless thought — trusting. — Danbury News. 
Yes. So is there a feeling of loneliness comes 
to the grocer when meditating upon the peo- 
ple whom he has trusted. 

What Scott, Burns and others have said of 
Caledonia has been put into a small quarto 
gift book. — Literary Note. You can bet your 
last paper collar on it that no "small quarto 
gift book" would hold what Caledonia has 
said of Seott and Burns alone. 

The vigorous idea, it is said, keeps warm 
though wrapped in few words. For ex- 
ample — has not the small boy been called 
"the young 'idea' ?" Is he not vigorous in 
his surreptitious attacks upon the pie closet 
and does he not keep warm without being 
wrajiped in words? 

A contemporary commences an article about 
Senator Gordon as follows: "At length a 
fifth ball has struck him." What in the 
name of all the saints in the calendar is a 
"fifth ball 1" There are base balls, and fish 
balls, and worsted balls, and glass balls, and 
a great many other balls, but what is a "fifth 
ball?" 

A contemporary asserts that salt water con- 
taining about one part in a thousand of sul- 
phide of carbon makes good preserving li- 
quid for animal specimens. That may be 
correct, but a recipe which will preserve 
jokes so that they can be trotted out in an 
undamaged condition every once in a while 
would be of far more use in a newspaper of- 
fice. 

It is asserted that the Detroit Free Press is 
anxious to pay about $30 for a good Christ- 
mas poem. As it is a little past Christmas 
now, and in return for the many good things 
which we steal from that paper, the little li- 
terary gem of which the following is the first 
verse will be sent to it upon receipt of pos- 
tage: 

Christmas, you know, comes but once in the year, 
Is what the horrified matrons now hear, 
As husbands and sons reel through the front door 
And lay down in the hall to have a good snore. 

It is a strange fact, observed a wild-eyed 
long-eared young man, as he leaned up 
against a lamp-post and stared into the va- 
cant far-off heavens, the other night, that al- 
most all men of genius are given to habits of 
intemperance. Thus soliloquising he passed 
into a bar-room and communed with the bar- 
keeper; he, genial soul, thought so too. 
And tho young man wandered around for 
some days in that frame of mind. He is 
sober now, and thinks he has given unmis- 
takable evidence of the fact that he is a man 
of great ability — an unappreciated genius. 




Q^Literary Review^^^D 



Madeline. — Is a love story from the facile 
pen of an author with a bunion on his left 
large toe, and a wart on his ear. We do not 
entertain the slightest doubt but that if Presi- 
dent Hayes had started to read this book af- 
ter breakfast on the morning of the fourth of 
March, 1877, he would have been so much 
interested in it that he would have forgotten 
to go up to the Capitol and be inaugurated — 
that is, had not Evarts, or Sherman, or some 
other patriot reminded him; and it is just 
possible that one of them would. However, 
that is neither here nor there as regards the 
merits or demerits of the book. In fact, 
when we come to think of it, we don't believe 
the work has any merits or demerits. We 
have expressed the opinion that it would in- 
terest President Hayes, and "we now desire 
to add that we did so on the strength of the 
old assertion: "Small things please small 
minds." 

How They Polished Her. — This is a romance 
concerning a young maiden, from the sage 
brushes of Nevada, whose papa (a lucky 
miner) sent her down to San Francisco to be 
polished. Through the intercession of a 
mutual friend, the young lady was taken into 
the house of a widow lady who had five bud- 
ding Venuses of her own. This book tells 
how the crowd polished the maiden from the 
sage brushes. It is sufficient to say that the 
first requirement of the polishing process was 
a suitable wardrobe and that the lucky min- 
er's pocket supplied the wherewith to furnish 
the five city girls with new dresses while the 
country cousin was rigged out in their old 
ones made over again. For further informa- 
tion as to how they polished her, the book 
itself must be read. It is for sale by all gray 
headed fish vendors, and reformed horse 
thiefs. It contains a strong moral and should 
be read by all ardent seekers after truth. 



Polly Put the Kettle On — Is a little volume 
of poems which has been published with the 
intention of supplying a long felt want — that 
of real, chaste, elegant poetry. The first 
verse runs thus : 

"Oh! come to me dearest, 

Sit here on the wall, 

If thou art no beerest, 

Fear not for a fall." 

After reading that verse we lay the book 
down and a great joy takes possession of our 
soul. Now have we a poet to whom we can 
turn for consolation when the laundryman 
neglects to send home our clean shirt. 



Yesterday a policeman arrested a boy who 
had an onion tied in the corner of his hand- 
kerchief. The charge against him was : Car- 
rying concealed weepings. 



358 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



My Cousin Estelle. 



CHAPTEE I. 



ii 






|00R papa was buried yesterday ; 
and, after the funeral, although I was al- 
most sick with grief, it was necessary that 
I should make some arrangements for my future life 
Uncle Pierre was very kind, and wished me to go 
home with him; hut I do not think aunt Stephanie 
liked the idea — and, even if she did, I could not bear 
to be a burden to them, for you know they have a 
large family, and aunt Stepbanie is growing very 
anxious about marriage portions for Marie and Ma- 
thilde; so I said I should prefer coming to England, 
and would write to ask you if you could procure me 
a situation as governess — not in a school, for I am 
triste, and do not think I could keep schoolgirls in 
order. I must not forget to tell you that I have 
thirty pounds a year of my own; so at first I should 
be content with a little. Until your reply arrives I 
am to stay with Madam Benee, who promises, if I 
come to England, to find some one to accompany 
me. I embrace you and my cousin Marguerite, and 
am ever, dear aunt Ellen, 

Your loving niece, 

Estelle 

Such was the conclusion of a lettcrthat my mother 
read to me as we sat at breakfast one morning; and, 
kind-hearted as she was; I could not help noticing a 
look of perelexed anxiety steal over her face as she 
read, whilst for once there really was indecision in 
her tone, as, placing the letter in its envelope again, 
she said — 

"And now, Marguerite, what shall I do?" 
"Oh, mamma! As if there were any occasion to 
ask me, when you know quite well all the time what 
you must and will do!" I exclaimed merrily, for I 
too had had a letter that morning, and I was looking 
at everything through a rose-colored haze just then. 
"Of course you will not let Estelle go out as a gov- 
erness — the idea is too preposterous; besides, it will 
be delightful to have her with us. I want practice 
in French, and you want some one to amuse you 
when Stephen is here." 

••But Estelle might not like to be under such an 
obligation to me." 

"Oh, mamma dear, what obligation can there pos- 
sibly be? Estelle would indeed be ridiculous in her 
notiong of independence if she pretended to see any. 
There is plenty of room in the house for her; and I 
do not think the fact of her being here will make 
much difference in the butcher's or the baker's bill; 
whilst, as for dress, Estelle is so careful and clever 
that she will make her thirty pounds a year sufficient 
for that; besides, Stephen has never seen her, and I 
want him to do so." 

"No, Stephen has never seen her," repeated my 
mother slowly, more as if she were speaking to her- 
self than addressing me; "and Estelle is very beauti- 
ful." 

"One reason the more that she should not go out 
as governess. "Why, mamma, all the sons of the 
family would be falling in love with her — and just 
imagine what a catastrophe that would be!" 

■'Well, suppose she comes here, Marguerite — are 
you quite sure that Stephen will be proof against 
her fascinations?" And I detected doubt in my 
mother's words, in spite of the smile that accompa- 
nied them; but there was no vestige of doubt in my 
heart as I answered gaily — 

"Oh, mamma, I really think I must tell Stephen 
what a suspicious you are, and leave him to devise 
some punishment for youl "Why, if Estelle was ten 
times more lovely than she is — not that I think that 
possible — I should not be afraid; so set your heart 
quite at rest on that point, and write one of those 
nice kind letters that no one can write as well as 
yourself, to ma belle coitshie that she must come to us 
and not talk nonsense about being a governess, for 
we shall all be glad to have her with us, and will 
love her dearly, Stephen included — in a brotherly 
fashion, of course," I added mischievously; and I 
laughed out of sheer gladness of heart as I took my 
hat and went into the garden, leaving my dear 
mother to her little domestic arrangements and her 
letter- writing. 

We were very happy, my mother and I in our 
quiet home, my father's death which had occurred 
when I was fifteen, having becen the one great sor- 
row of my life, as it had been of hers; but for my 
sake, as I well knew, she had borne her sorrow 
bravely, and, though it had whitened her beautiful 
brown hair, and taken the brightest of the sunshine 
out of her life, still she was hopeful and cheerful 
with the hope and cheerfulness that spring from the 



certainty of a brighter hereafter. So the home to 
which Estelle was to come would not be, in spite of 
her bereavement and ours, an unhrppy one; besides 
which, forgiving and patient as I knew her to be, 
she could not feel that her father's death was to her 
the great and irreparrable loss that the death of my 
father had been to me, for, from that time when he 
and my mother had been children at home together, 
my uncle Claud had been a wild and unprincipled, 
and the man had grown up with keener propensities 
for evil than the child had had, his young French 
wife, from whom my cousin inherited her wonderful 
beauty, dying three years after her marriage — as she 
moaned in her delerium, of a broken heart — not 
however before my mother had learnt to know and 
love her; for my uncle during one of his migrations 
had left his wife and child with my parents for sev- 
eral months, and during a long illness of my moth- 
er's that took place soon after my birth my aunt 
Marguerite proved herself one of the most devoted, 
as she was one of the gentlest, of nurses, and my 
mother used to say that the pretty broken English of 
her lovely sister-in-law always seemed to soothe her 
when nothing else would do so. 

Therefore, as much from gratitude as affection, I 
was named after my French aunt, and can remember 
how childishly indignant 1 often used to be when 
people would persist in calling me Margaret instead 
of Marguerite. Of course, after my aunt's death, 
my uncle, in his cold, selfish way, found his two- 
year-old daughter too great an encumbrance, and for 
years she remained with her mother's parents, my 
uncle in the course of his Continental wanderings 
paying her an occasional visit. But at length, when 
she was about fourteen, her father, suddenly struck 
by her marvellous beauty, determined to keep her 
with him in future, and, in spite of the entreaties of 
the old people, Estelle's tears, and my mother's 
earnest attempts to convince him that it was a dan- 
gerous experiment to initiate a young girl into the 
mysteries of such a life as he was leading, he kept to 
his purpose, coolly saying that Estelle would amuse 
him, and that in time he meant her to make u good 
match. 

After that we did not see Estelle for three years; 
then her father spent some months in London, and, 
in spite of the scenes through which she had passed 
passed, and the society in which she had mixed, we 
found Estelle as pure in heart and mind, as her 
mother had been; so our girlish liking for each other 
developed into the warmest affection, and I had been 
really sincere in saying how glad I should be to have 
her with usjbesides which, I wanted her and Stephen, 
the two persons, with the exception of my mother, 
that I loved best in the world — to know and like 
each other, and I had so much to tell my cousin 
respecting my engagement and the future that Ste- 
phen and I were never tired of planning, which 
could not be told even in the longest letter, that it 
was no wonder I was anxious to see her. 

By the time I had finished attending to my flowers 
and re-entered our peetty sitting room, I found, as I 
knew I should find, that my mother had written her 
letter to Estelle — and such a kind, loving letter it 
was, so full of sympathy for the lonely girl, that I 
felt sure ni}' cousin would accept the invitation in 
the spirit it was given; and so, in little more than a 
week, my mother received Estelle's reply, in which 
she "gratefully," as she said, accepted her offer a 
home, "at least for a time." 

Good-natured as Stephen really was, I think for 
the fortnight that succeded the receipt of Estelle's 
second letter he felt himself an aggrieved individual 
and more candidly than politely than intimated to 
me one day that he thought cousins, especially cous- 
ins who meant to come and live in other people's 
houses, "a great bore." 

"You disagreeable, selfish old thing," I replied 
laughingly, "monopolies are not good for any one or 
anything; so I am not going to allow you to monopo- 
lise my time any longer." 

"And I don't mean to relinquish my rights in fa- 
vor of any one," declared my autocrat lover, "for 
we have been so happy during the last three monthSi 
Daisy, that I am sure no change can be for the better 
except — " 

But I knew from experience to what that exception 
referred, so I interposed hastily — 

"Well, wait till you've seen Estelle. You will 
change your opinion then, Stephen. She is so lovely 
and- — " 

"But, my dear innocent-minded little Daisy, what 
in the world can that have to do with me? If she 
were as beautiful as Venus, I should not want to look 
at her if you were near; and as for her talents — well, 
I really don't think I like very clever women." 
"Did you mean that for a compliment, Stephen?" 
"No, but you ought to know what I mean, Daisy. 
That is, if you will let any one come, even ever so 
little, between you and me, I shall feel inclined to 
run away with you there and then." 

At which of course I laughed, and then Stephen 
laughed too, forgetting his grievance for a time, 
after which we wandered up and down the garden in 
the happy aimless fashion in which we usually Bpent 
the earlier part of the evenings till the light of the 



lamp shining through the drawing room window told 
us that my mother was ready to preside over the 
pleasant evening meal, half tea, half supper, that 
always preceeded the hour's music for which, 
whether Stephen were present or not, she always 
stipulated. After that would come a few minutes' 
chat, and punctually at a quarter to eleven Stephen 
would take his departure, and then our elderly serv- 
ant and my mother would go round the house, with 
rather exaggerated attention to fastenings and extin- 
guished fires. This ended our day; and so much 
alike were most of the days — for we kept very little 
company, whilst the going out fell entirely to my 
share — that in chronicling one I am chronicling the 
majority. 

Would it be the same when Estelle came to live 
with us? I confess I could not help wondering just 
a little as I said good night to Stephen on the day 
before the one on which she was to arrive. Perhaps 
I was somewhat vexed to find that he persisted in his 
determination not to come on the following evening. 
He would wait until we had got over our first rap- 
tures, he said — and for the moment I feared Estelle's 
presence in the house might not be the unmixed 
pleasure I had expected it would be; but I shook off 
the feeling so successfully that when I woke the next 
morning, my anticipations of my meeting with niv 
cousin was as bright as the sunshine that was peep- 
ing in at my window. 

Madame Benee, in whose house my uncle had died 
had kept the promise she had made to find an escort 
for Estelle, so my mother's anxiety on that point was 
set at rest, and her determination to meet Estelle on 
her arrival at Charing-Cross Station was decidedly 
negatived by our old servant Hannah, who had been 
with us so long that we had learnt to look upon her 
as a faithiul friend in whose hands our interests were 
as safe as in our owu. 

"The idea of your going, and going by yourself, 
ma'am!" she exclaimed. "Why, you would be cer- 
tain to lose yourself in that great station, to say 
nothing of giving the cabman twice as much as he 
has any right to have! No, no; you stay quietly at 
home, and I'll go and look after Miss Estelle and her 
luggage." 

At first my mother objected to this arrangement, 
for fear Estelle would not think it kind; but, in the' 
end, Hannah had her own way, and, after a quarter 
of an hour devoted to her "Guide to London," with- 
out due reference to which nothing could induce her 
to encounter such ogres as she honestly believed 
London railway-porters and cabmen to be, and an- 
other quarter of an hour occupied in lecturing the 
small kitchen-maid, Hannah started, returning just 
as my mother becoming convinced that "something 
had happened." 

Directly I saw the cab turn the corner of the road 
I ran down to the gate of our little front garden to 
receive Estelle. 

"I am so glad to have you here!" I exclaimed im- 
petuously, as I took the little black-gloved hand she 
held out. 

"And I am still more glad to come, Marguerite," 
she responded, throwing back her thick veil; and 
then, holding each other's hands as we had done 
when we were children, we went into the hall where 
my mother stood waiting to receive Estelle. 

Even now looking back, I can scarcely tell whence 
come the conviction, during the first hours of her 
stay with us, that Estelle was changed; though I 
should have been puzzled to say in what the altera- 
tion consisted — for she was just as lovable and gentle 
as of old — still I felt it, and was somewhat disap- 
pointed. 

The room that had been prepared for Estelle was 
next to my own, but before she came to us I had 
hoped that she would prefer to share mine, which 
was much larger and, as I fancied, pleasanter; how- 
ever, my mother had very wisely determined to make 
doing so optional with Estelle, and when I made the 
proposal Bhe declined it very gently, and in a man- 
ner that made it quite evident she would not like the 
arrangement. 

"I am dull sometimes, Marguerite," she said, with 
a little sad smile. "People who are dull are best 
alone. Besides" — and a touch of her old self came 
back as she spoke — "I do not want you or my aunt 
to grow tired of me; so I mean to show you only the 
best side of my character. But I thank you all the 
same for your kindness, ma cousine, and I shall very 
often come and sit with you in your pretty room." 

So from that time I understood that Estelle elected 
that there should in some measure be a barrier be- 
tween us, and of course there was nothing left for 
me to do but respect her wishes. 

And there was something else that puzzled me 
about my cousin. I knew that she grieved for her 
father, as women often do grieve for their fathers 
and husbands from whom they have received little 
but neglect and injustice; but that was certainly no 
reason for the evident pains she took to appear to 
the least advantage. Nothing she could possibly do 
could really hide her wonderful beauty, but I must 
say she did her best to conceal it. 

[to be continued.") 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



359 



The Man from Chicago. 

The last man brought to the Central before 
the reporter left last night was rather a fine 
figure, jauntily dressed, and with the swag- 
gering air affected by those knowing fellows 
who are themselves conscious of their supe- 
riority over the herd, and don't care who 
knows it. His whole manner, both of action 
and speech, was an ostentatious expresssion 
of contempt for everybody and everything 
pertaining to San Francisco. He had had 
some difficulty with a hnckman, and it was 
on a charge of disturbance that the officer 
arrested him. 

"What's your business?' asked the Lieuten- 
ant. 

"Do you mean me? I have no business; I 
am a gentleman of liesure." 

"Where is your home?" 

"My home's in Chicago." 

"Chicago? Chicago?" repeated the Lieuten- 
ant reflectively, while a twinkle shone in the 
eye farthest from the prisoner. "Did you say 
Chicago?" 

"Yes, I did; I said Chicago; I s'pose you've 
heard of it?" 

"Is it in this country? What State is it 
in?" 

"Great heavens!" the man burst out; "you 
don't mean to tell me you're serious when 
you ask what State Chicago's in I I refuse to 
answer." 

"Did you ever hear of such a place, Fred?" 
said the Lieutenant, turning to the turnkey. 

' Never heard of it in my life," said Fred. 

"Just look into the Gazetteer, please, and 
see if there is such a place." 

Fred turns the leaves'of the Gazetteer till 
he comes to CHI, and then as he runs his 
finger down the page mutters "Chiana, Chi- 
apa, Chiaramonti, Chiavenni, Chicacoli, Chi- 
cago — here it is; it's all right; 'Chicago, a 
Postoffice of Posey County, Indiana; noted 
chiefly for its trade in hoop-poles and illit- 
eracy of its inhabitants.' It's all right, but I 
never heard of it before." 

The party from Chicago, who had been 
steadily working himself into a white heat of 
passion during Fred's search, dancing around 
throwing up his arms wildly and grasping 
his hair, and his face changing from white to 
red and from red to purple, gave a maniac 
shriek and tumbled over in a fit as Fred fin- 
ished, and in that condition was carried to a 
cell, where he recovered only after a half 
hour's labor with restoralives and the assur- 
ance from the Lieutenant that, come to think 
he had heard of Chicago before. But he still 
lay there limp and spiritless; the heart of the 
man from Chicago was broken. 



Is Bollinger In? 



Charles W. Brooke is almost as well known 
in the profession as its top sawyers, and is a 
fellow of infinite jest. Last summer he fre- 
quently patronized a refectory establishment 
kept by a food natured German, of whose 
name he was for some time unaware. One 
day, however, he described a handsome sign 
inscribed Boiling — only that and nothing 
more — over the bar. Naturally he jumped 
to the conclusion that it was mine host's 
proper cognomen. Some space afterwards, 
entering a place down town, and observing 
a similar sign, it occurred to him that his 
little German restauranteur had "a branch 
office." 

"Is Bollinger in?" he inquired. 

"Bollinger? Bollinger?" returned the bar- 
tender. "Bollinger is the name of a brand 
of champagne, sir." 

"Precisely," said Brooke, not to be caught, 
"is he in — pints." 




Subscribe for the W ASP > $^ a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



^"No communication will he inserted unless the 
real name and address of the writer is given. Any 
fictitious name, or nom de plume, that the correspon- 
dent desires, will he published. The real name is 
only demanded as a guarrantee of good faith. 



Widower. — Several machines for felling 
trees by electricity have been invented, but, 
as yet, none for writing poetry. 

Crawford. — The total rainfall in San Fran- 
cisco during the season of '77 and 78 was 
9.7. But we cannot tell you what the total 
whisky fall during that period was. 

Longears. — We have neve heard it asserted 
that yellow fever will not enter into a room 
which contains a limburger cheese — and if 
we did we wouldn't believe the assertion. 

Brown. — The latin name for lemon is citrus 
limonvm and so we suppose that a high-toned 
person, who wished to throw in style, would 
call its fluid extract citrus limonumade. 

Glenwood. — The dimensions of ships vary 
a great deal, just the same as those of carri- 
ages or wagons, or wive3, or anything else. 
An ordinary schooner, however, should hold 
five cents worth of beer. 

Houston. — We have never heard it said 
that Senator Blaine lives on the smoke of the 
battles in which he fought. In fact the Sen- 
ator, like many other distinguished and irre- 
concilable men, managed to keep very clear 
of all battle fields. 

Ind. — The climatic temperament of this 
State prevents doughnuts from growing in 
the open air, and nearly all those which are 
used here are artificially made. All, in fact, 
except those which are made by the festive 
tramp; they are scientifically — stolen. 

Louise. — Yes, there are between 60,000 and 
70,000 words in Webster's Dictionary, but if 
you ever go out to meet your beau at the 
back yard gate and step inadvertantly into a 
bucket of water you will be convinced that it 
is too incomplete to permit of a free expres- 
sion of your opinions. 

Happy Jack. — We do not know who is the 
author of the lines, 

"Lies snug 
As a bug 
In a rug." 

But we are assured by Mrs. Emily Pitt Stev- 
ens that she is not responsible for them. 

Laura. — The expression, "Pursuing knowl- 
edge under difficulties" may have been used — 
and most appropriately so — by your wife when 
she fell off the back of a chair upon which 



she had clambered for the purpose of as- 
certaining if you were sparking with the 
hired girl, but it was not original with her. 



How Snobs do it in Montreal. 

An intellectual gentleman, that is to say a 
person with long hair and buttoned up coat, 
and a lady, were standing in front of a St. 
James street book store j'esterday afternoon. 
The gentleman was explaining something to 
the lady concerning pictures in the window 
they were both admiring, and as near as pos- 
sible, the following conversation took place: 

"See," said the man of intellect, "how 
boldly imperial the face of the lady is, and 
how like that of her Majesty, God bless her." 

Lady — "Oh, my! and so it is." 

Gentleman — "Then again, observe the 
contour of the Marquis, even from a poor 
photograph you can see the long line of an- 
cestry that — that renders his name illustrious 
— that 

Lady — "I was just thinking the same. 
Let us buy and take them home." 

In, accordingly, they stepped, and the 
gentleman said: "I want to purchase the 
photographs of her Koyal Highness and his 
Excellency ?" 

"I regret to say," politely rejoined the 
clerk, "that they are all gone; but we are 
having some more struck off." 

"But, my dear sir, you have them in the 
window" (pointing.) 

"No,, sir, one of those is Hanlan, our fa- 
mous oarsman, and the lady is his wife." 

(Exit gentleman, hastily, after buying a 
newspaper.) 



Throwing the Shoe. 
A writer in All the Year Sound, alluding to 
the custom of throwing the shoe after a wed- 
ding party, on their way from church or else- 
where,says it is a relic of Anglo-Saxon useages, 
and, along with many other wedding usages, 
of ancient origin. The Lancanshire custom 
is to throw an old shoe on leaving the house 
to be married, as a preventive of future un- 
happiness and an omen of good luck and 
prosperity. In Norfolk, it is also the c-s- 
tom to throw the shoe after the wedding 
party on proceeding to church. In York- 
shire, according to a writer in Hone's Table 
Book, in 1827, there was a custom called 
"trashing," which signified people with old 
3hoes on their return from church, on the 
wedding day. "Trashing" had at first some 
raison d'etre, but as time went on this became 
forgotten, and the custom was indiscrimi- 
nately practiced among the lower orders. 
The Kentish custom is for one of the grooms- 
men to throw the shoe, after which the 
bridesmaids run, she who gets it believing 
she will be married first. She in turn throws 
it among the men, the man who receives the 
blow being also first destined for marriage 
before the others. A writer in an old num- 
ber of Notes and Queries suggests that it was 
a symbol of renunciation of dominion autho- 
rity over the bride by her father or guardian, 
and the receipt of the shoe by the bride- 
groom, even if accidental, an omen that that 
authority was transferred to him. 




&SH/A/G FO/? C/9//F0/?/V/yQ M/M 



SP. 




JV/)/F£S //V /8r<g„ 



362 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The Yery Freshest American Humor. 

"Common please" — "Please remit. 

Don't put your handkerchief above your 
nose, but b'low it. 



look-smith and bell- 



Bluebeard was a 
hanger. — N. Y. Mail. 

If a tramp was knighted would he not be 
a Sir Cuss?— N. Y. Mail. 

Patent medicine man — Yes, the cannibals 
would take your aunt-if-fat. — Cin. Sat. Night. 

If there be "no foundation for the stories," 
what's to become of the house ?— N. Y. News. 

The Egyptian Pyramids may be classed 
under the head of "Old Hades."— Detroit 
Free Press. 

"When Edison has invented cheap electrici- 
ty, the charge of the light brigade will be 
over. — N. Y. Graphic. 

Unless lovers have passed the fourth and 
last degree, the find a fire in the parlor quite 
necessary now. — St. Louis Spirit. 

That the earth is not of uniform thickness 
is proved by the fact that one doesn't have to 
die as deep in some places to strike china as 
in others. — Yonhers Gazette. 

"Our enormous consumption of timber" is 
a theme which all young men who chew 
toothpicks on hotel verandahs are requested 
to consider. — New Haven Register. 

"Why is it that insolent dealers in poultry 
always do a thriving business? Because 
when they sell you the goose they give you 
sauce with it. — Baltimore Every Saturday. 

Duke: The phrase has this origin: On 
the banks of the river Indus grows a very 
fruitful bread tree. Hence the saying of the 
natives of India; "By Industree we thrive." 
TJlica Observer. 

The young men at the Academy who go 
out between acts probably go out for an op- 
era glass. — Herald P. 1. Wrong, Mr. P. I. 
they probably go out for their rye glass.— 
Whitehall Times. 

All sorts of old material are used in the 
manufacture of pocket books. "We have 
never heard of catskin being used, but should 
think it might answer for the purr purse. — 
Boston Com. Bulletin. 

Don't censure the rejected lover for shoot- 
in <* the fair one who discourages his advances. 
He has suffered, and in his unselfishness he 
he desires no other man to suffer likewise. — 
Boston Iranscript. 

Queen Victoria enjoyed a sleigh ride the 
other day. — Ex. Pshaw! It takes a girl of 
eighteen winters snd a chap with good strong 
arms to enjoy a sleigh ride. "We don't be- 
lieve the Queen had much fun. — N. Y. Ex- 
press. 



There appears to be at least one good rea- 
son why men should consume tobacco. Can- 
nibals tnrn up their noses in disgust at those 
addicted to the use of the weed, and regard 
such subjects as unfit for slaughter. — Home 
Sentinel. 

Man may be the noblest work on creation, 
but he doesn't seem to think about it, and 
he doesn't look at it, when, on hearing his 
name called in the street, he turns and finds 
that it is only somebody calling his dog. — 
Courier- Journal. 

"Phats that bit av ribbon ye're sphortin', 
Patrick?" "Sure and that's the grand cross 
of St. Murphy and St. George. I used to 
make a night of it, and now, bedad, they've 
made a knight of me; an' its mighty dry I 
am, Dinnis." — N. Y. Com. Adv. 

A Vermonter has invented "a bottle that 
will always turn right side up, thus failing 
to spill the contents, no matter how drunk 
the owner is." A most useless invention, 
for when a man is very drunk, his bottle is 
usually empty. — Phila. Bulletin. 

Gentlemen who would be considered au 
fait in matter of dress, will not roll up their 
pants at the heel, as formerly, but all around. 
The roll should not extend above the hem, 
except in severe cases of mud, when two rolls 
the with of a hem is admissible. — Oil City 
Derrick. 

Mrs. "Welton has got a divorce from Mr. 
Welton in Litchfield. It appears that Mr. 
"Welton tied her up with a clothes line and 
poured kerosene oil over her, and threatened 
to illuminate the surrounding country with 
her, as he could well afford to do as oil is but 
twenty-five cents a gallon. — Danbury News. 

A Detroit young man showed some verses 
he had written to a number of his friends. 
They all said the ideas seemed to be lovely, 
but they couldn't understand them. "Oh, 
thank you!" he replied, with every sign of 
exuberant satisfaction; "you don't under- 
stand my verses, eh ? Then I know I am a 
poet." 

Alfonso, of Spain, has asked the Pope if 
he may marry again. Most young men would 
find a suitable young woman first, and then 
ask the old man. But kings are denied the 
privileges of going to sociables, taking part 
in kissiug exercises, and waiting at the meet- 
ing house door for the girls to come out. - 
Turners Falls Reporter. 

They were discussing the merits of a poin- 
ter dog, and Miss Florence sat near listen- 
ing. "He is a good pointer," remarked her 
brother, "but I don't like to see a dog point 
that has his tail curved. He would be great- 
ly improved if his tail was shortened about 
six inches." At this Miss Florence looked 
up with an interested expression and said: 
"W r hy, Jack, does a dog turn around and 
point at things with his tail ?" And Miss 
Florence wondered why they all laughed so. 
— Newark Call. 



"And you must be familiar with the laws 
governing storms 1" 

""We are," was the prompt answer. 

""Well then," continued the stranger, "I 
wish to relate what may seem like a singular 
occurrence, I live on Division street, and 
though it began raining at midnight the other 
night and continued for twenty-four hours, 
not a single drop of water fell upon my gar- 
den." 

"Is that possible!" gasped one after the 
other. 

"It is the solemn truth, gentlemen, and 
I'd like to know by what law of nature you 
can account for it ? It was a long continued 
drenching storm, yet not one drop fell upon 
my garden." 

There wasn't even room for a suggestion. 
The crowd was astonished and silent. After 
a long minuta one of the gentlemen turned 
'to the stranger and asked: 

"You must have a theory, haven't you?" 

"I have." 

"And what is it?" 

"My theory, gentlemen, is that I rent 
rooms on the third floor, and had no garden 
for the rain to fall on !" 

Five men rose up in chorus, brushed off 
their coat tails, and followed each other into 
the hall in Indian file. — Ex. 



His Garden. 

Four or five City Hall officials were sitting 
on the steps on the "Woodward Avenue side 
Saturday afternoon, discussing politics and 
the weather, when a smallish man, seeming 
to be in considerable mental distress, ap 
proached them and inquired: 

"Gentlemen, is there a scientific mai 
among you?" 

"Certainly there is," they replied in 
chorus. 



De Lime-Kiln Club. 
"Gem'len," said Brother Gardner in a se- 
rious tone as the meeting was called to order 
"I was readin' in one of de papers de odder 
day dat de Po'-master mus' hev mo' funds 
dis winter dan las' as de number of po' peo- 
ple am on de increase. Ize been finkin' ober 
dat article for de las' fo' days. Ize lived in 
dis city nigh on to twenty y'ars, an' ebery 
y'ar Ize had to -pay taxes to support de po'! 
De tax has been mo' an' mo' each y'ar, an' 
Ize been tryin' 'o figger up how much longer 
I kin pay de tax an' keep my humble home. 
An' Ize been lookin' 'round to see who are de 
po' an' why dey ar' de po'. I kin take eny 
member o' dis club out for an hour an' sho w . 
him five hun'red people who kalkerlate to 
hev a shear of dat po' fund dis winter. Dey 
am at de present time engaged in leanin' on 
on de fences, drinkin' whisky, talkin' politics 
an' stayin' out nights. Dey doan' look fo' 
work; dey doan' want work. Dey hez plan- 
ned to loaf aroun' all summer an' make tax- 
payers support dem all winter. I doan' be- 
lieve dar is in dis town to-day, a hundred 
people who hev de leas' claim to public char- 
ity. I iz glad to help a po' ole man or wo- 
man; I iz glad to help a man who was took 
sick an' couldn't work; I alius hez a dollar 
ready for de husban' who breaks his leg or 
de widder who hasn't time to wipe away de 
tears an' look de world in de face. I hez, 
howsumeber got sick an' tired of helpin' to 
support loafers, frauds an' swindlers. De 
bigger de po' fund, de mo' numerous ar' de 
po', an' if we could raise a million dollars 
ebery shillin' of it would go. I tell you, dat 
outside of ole' age an' accidents, no one has 
a shadder o' right to apply to de Po'-master, 
an' I fudder tell you dat dar' ain' a neybur- 
hud in Detroit which would see a respectably 
industrious family go hungry or cold kase 
sickness or misfortune came to dem! Dese 
long-eared white folks who preach about 
charity am simply wastin' fifty thousan' dol- 
lars in dis town ebery winter. If de lazy, 
loafin', shiftless frauds knew dey wouldn't 
git a dollar, dey'd go to work an' save np, 
same as de res' of us do, but now day hez got 
a sof ' fing an' mean to keep it." 

The President's remarks met with a warm 
I greeting from the club. — Detroit Free Press. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



363 




Oh! Mister Mackay, 
What will your wife say ? 
She will lift your hair 
And leave you quite bare 
You bet. 

— The gas trade is said to be suffering from 
over competition since Talmage went into 
the business. 

— Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, and South 
Carolina are about to have an inter-State 
cock-fight. Hurrah for our civilization ! 

— South Carolina has one whole souled 
patriot who continues to pay taxes on his 
negroes notwithstanding the emancipation. 

— Those of our readers who are in search 
of holiday presents of a recherche nature are 
respectfully invited to peruse the advertise- 
ment of Messrs. Paillard & Co. * 

I 

— Texas Sheriffs are about holding a con- 
vention to discuss the best method of sur- 
passing crime. To surpress the population 
of Texas would be about the most effective 
method. 

— Dr. Weisse thinks that the English lan- 
guage is destined to become the universal 
language. "What will become of Pickering's 
vernacular then ? Nobody will be able to 
read those short editorials. 

— The Courier- Journal speaks of the late 
Eight Rev. Bishop Polk, who forsook the 
"cloth" to become a Lieutenant-General in 
the Confederate Arm}', as a "distinguished" 
man. H'm. When a clergyman forsakes 
his sacred calling to join in angry armed 
strife, he does indeed become distinguished 
— as a double-barrelled copper-fastened 
counterfeit. 

— An enterprising Parlor Organ manufac- 
turer has generously offered to supply us 
with a three hundred and forty dollar instru- 
ment at eighty-five dollars. If this unsophis- 
ticated individual was around to hear the 
foreman singing after pieing a galley of mat- 
ter, he would understand that a Parlor Or- 
gan would be a superfluous article of furni- 
ture in a newspaper office. Anyhow we 
wouldn't think of imposing upon his liber- 
ality and paying less than three hundred and 
forty dollars — if we wanted such an article. 

— There is a sort of mania, at least in fash- 
ionable circles, in this country, to imitate the 
French. When some nabob in society gives 
a dinner party the bills of fare must be prin- 
ted in French, as though it gave tone to the 
affair that would be lacking were the bills 



printed in the King's English. For example, 
at Washington, the other day, Judge Otto 
gave a swell dinner to a few of his friends in 
official life, and the first line of the menu 
was, "Diner de 31 Couverts." Why not 
have said, "Hash for thirty-one," instead of 
deserting our own expressive language. Oys- 
ters were "Huitres au Xaturel," soup was 
"Casseroles a la Pompadour," codfish was 
"Poisson," and so on, to the end. It is all 
bosh. The English language is too good and 
venerable to be traded off. 



Bob's Theory Put to the Test. 

Not long since the following utterance of 
Bob Ingersoll went the rounds of the papers: 

Col. Ingersoll says he keeps "a pocket- 
book in an open drawer, and his children go 
and help themselves to money whenever they 
want it. They eat when they want to. They 
may sleep all day if they choose, and sit up 
all night if they desire. I don't try to cor- 
rect them. I never punish, never scold. 
They buy their own clothes, and are masters 
of themselves." 

A gentleman living on Bush street, who 
has a boy that is full as kitteny as his father, 
read the article, and pondered deeply. He 
knew that Col. Ingersoll was a success at 
raising children in the way they should go, 
and he thought he would try it. The boy 
had caused him considerable annoyance, and 
he made up his mind that he had not treated 
the boy right, so he called the boy from the 
street, where he was putting soft soap on the 
lamp post, in order to see the lamp lighter 
climb it, and said to him : 

"My son, I have decided to adopt a differ- 
ent course with you. Heretofore I have 
been careful about giving you money, and 
have wanted to know where every cent went 
to, and my supervision has no doubt been 
annoyiug to you. Now, I am going to leave 
my pocket-book in the bureau drawer, with 
plenty of money in it, and you are at liberty 
to use all you want without asking me. I 
want you to buy anything you desire, buy 
your own clothes, and to feel as though the 
money was yours, and that you had not got 
to account for it. Just make yourself at 
home now, and try and have good time." 

The boy looked at the old gentleman, put 
his hand on his head as though he had "got 
'em sure," and went out to see the lamp 
lighter climb that soft soap. The next day 
the stem parent went out into the country 
shooting, and returned on the midnight train 
three days after. He opened the door with 
a night key, and a strange yellow dog grab- 
bed him by the elbow of his pants and shook 
him, he said, "like the ager." 

The dog barked and chewed until the son 
came down in his night-shirt and called him 
off. He told his father he had bought that 
dog of a fireman for $11, and it was prob- 
ably the best dog bargain that had been 
made this season. He said the fireman told 
him he could sell that dog for a hundred dol- 
lars, if he could find a man that wanted that 
kind of a dog. 

The parent took off his pants, what the 
dog had not removed, and in the hall he 
stumbled over a birch canoe the boy had 
bought of an Indian for $9; and an army 



musket with an iron ramrod fell from the 
corner. The boy had paid $6 for that. He 
had also bought himself an overcoat with a 
sealskin collar and cuffs, and a complete out- 
fit of calico shirts and silk stockings. 

In his room the parent found the marble 
top of a soda fountain, a wheelbarrow and a 
shelf filled with all kinds of canned meats, 
preserves and crackers, and a barrel of ap- 
ples. A wall tent and six pairs of blankets 
were rolled up ready for camping out, and a 
buckskin shirt and a pair of corduroy pants 
lay on the bed ready for putting on. Six 
fish poles and and a basket full of fish lines 
were ready for business, and an oyster can 
full of grub worms for bait were squirming 
on the washstand. The old gentleman 
looked the lay-out over, looked at his pocket 
book in the bureau drawer, as empty as a 
contribution box, and said: 

"Young man, the times have been too 
flush. We will now return to a specie basis. 
When you want money come to me and I 
will give you a nickel, and you will tell me 
what you intend to buy with it, or I'll warm 
you: You hear me!" 

And now that man stands around from the 
effects of the encounter with the yellow dog, 
and asks every man, where a letter will reach 
Bob Ingersoll. He says he will kill Inger- 
soll, if it is the last noble act he ever ac- 
complishes. 

DIVIDEND NOTICES. 

San Francisco Savings Union, 

532 California Street, cor. Webb. 

For the half year ending with December 31, 1878, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of seven and 
two-tenths (7 2-10) per cent, per annum on Term De- 
posits, and sis (6) per cent, pej annum on Ordinary 
Deposits, free oi Federal Tax, payable on and after 
Wednesday, January 15, 1879. 

jan4-lm LOTELL WHITE, Cashier. 

DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The German Savings and Loan 
Society. 

For the half year ending this date, the Board of 
Directors of "The German Savings and Loan So- 
ciety" has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 
the rate of seven and one-half (7%) per cent, per 
annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of sis 
and one-fourth (6%) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Tax, and payable on and after the 15th day 
of January, 1879. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

San Francisco, December 31, 1878. 




Brilliant with Story, Sketch and Serial by the Best 
Llvirg Writers for our Boys and Young Men, viz : . 

BraceridgeHemyng, (JackHarkawav.) Oliver Optic, 
Captain Mayne Reid, Capt. Fred. Whittaker, etc. 
With Specialties and Departments under the Editor- 
ship oi well-known Authorities in America in the World 
of Spoi ts. Exercise and Games, embracing: 

Base ball. Cricket and Football; Hare and Hounds; 
Swimbung, Rowing, Yachting and Skating; Fishing, 
Hunting, trapping and Camplvg; Shooting, Athletics, 
Gymnastics, Leaping and Pedestrianism. 

In brief, everything to entertain and Interest, omuse 
and instruct our Boys and Young ilen— to advance them 
physically and mentally :— a paper that shall have no 
taint of impurity, but worthy of the confidence and 
co-operatton of every one who would have a Boys* 
Weekly sans reproche in their homes and hands. One 
year «&50; six months gl.25; four months 75c. two copies 
one year $4.50. in clubs of ten S2.00. Specimen Copy, five 
cents, post-paid. ADAMS AND COMPANY, Publishers, 
83 William St., N. Y. 

Young People's Hand-Books". 

The HAND-BOOKS, for Young People, cover a wide 
range of subjects, and are especially adapted to their 
end. They constitute at once the cheapest and the 
most useful works yet put into the market for popular 
circulation. 

LndleV Loiter Writer, Gents' Letter Writer, Bonk of 
Etiquette, It.ie.k of Verses Book of Dreamn Hook of 
Game*, Fortune Teller, Lover's Casket, Roll Room 
Cumpnnlnn, Hook of Beauty. Speakers, 1 to 21. Dla 
loeues, 1 to S8. , 

Sold by all Newsdealers, or sent' 
receipt of price, ten cents each. 
»PANY, 98 Wlllliim St., Hew *"*K. 



364 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




At the theatres this -week the same insipid 
pieces which formed the Christmas amuse- 
ments have continued to run; and — to the 
glory and honor of San Francisco's critical 
audiences — it may be added, to passing fair 
houses — in many instances. At the 

California Theatre 
Mr. Chanfrau and the hoary-headed, tooth- 
less, "Octoroon" gave place to the Florences 
in the "Mighty Dollar." Now a days every 
actor who makes a passing hit in some par- 
ticular part immediately takes to tramping 
the country with it, and so, with periodical 
regularity, turns up once in every two years 
or so. Beyond this now established usage, 
there is nothing in the "Mighty Dollar," or 
the Florences' manner of presenting it, 
which should have caused it, or them, to sur- 
vive the period when both were a pleasing 
novelty. As presented at the California it is 
faily mounted and poorly played. 

At Baldwin's 
"Not Guilty" has been found sufficiently in- 
teresting and remunerative to warrant its re- 
tention for another week. Of all the Christ- 
mas pieces which have been presented in this 
city, "Not Guilty" is no doubt the best, and 
the management are entitled to all the honor 
and glory of that equivocal compliment. 



At the Bush Street Theatre 
Alice Oates and her troupe have played their 
farewell performances presenting "H. M. S. 
Pinafore" and a number of old pieces. Alice 
and her troupe have played a comparatively 
long and successful engagement. They have 
given many good performances and some bad 
ones, and are doing a very discreet thing in 
going away now that they are played out. 

At the Standard 
The aromatic odor of fresh paint, and the de- 
licate tinge of new seat covers, seem to have 
somewhat palled on the public taste, and, 
now that the holidays are over, there will, 
no doubt, be plenty of room at this house. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Planles to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 

SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the Worldj 



the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Something New. 
Eecipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 

Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1877, 41,601 barrels of beer, making 
19,513 of a majority over any other brewery 
in this city. (See Official Beport, TJ. S. In- 
ternal Revenue, January, 1878.) The beer 



from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast renown, 
unequalled by any other upon the Pacific 
Coast. * 



DONTSTOLLY'S 

YEAST POWDER 

FOR SALE EVERYWHERE ! 
Ask Your Grocer For It 



JOE P 




The Tailor, 



203 Montgomery St , and 203 Third St., nnder the 
Buss House, near Bush Stree, has just received a 
large assortment of the latest style goods. 

Suits to order $20. Pants to order from $5. Over- 
coats to order from $15. 

E^'Tbe leading question is -where the best goods 
can be found at the lowest prices. The answer is at 

JOE PQXXESXRK 

203 Montgomery St., and 103 Third St- Samples 
and Rules for Self-Measurement, sent free to any ad- 
dress. Fit guaranteed. 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Tosemite Cologne! 



W= H„ LOWEREE, 

( 715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



f^J./"\T T\ Any worker can make $12 a day at home. Costly 
\XVJ±1XJ Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



NOTICE. 

The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicions nature will 
be published by this paper. 



"And they shall lay 
hands on the sick, and 
they shall recover." 
Christ in Mark XVI- 18. 




"The promise is unto 
you, and to your child- 
ren, and to all that are 
afar off." Peter in 
Acts 11-39. 



Those who are sick "and need a phyisician" are advised to call upon Professor J. D. McLennan, the 
celebrated healer, No. 18 Third street, San Francisco He has cured hundreds in this city, most of them 
ladies and gentlemen of high standing in society, whose testimonials are furnished on application at the 
office. The Professor is a Natural Healer, and performs his wonderful cures without medicines. Phy- 
sicians having in charge cases that baffle their skill, and resist the potency of drugs will confer a blessing 
on such by recommending them to this wonderful man. 

Dr. C. E. Davis, M. D., of St. Helena, Cal., says: "After four days treatment I am entirely relieved. I 
have now a good appetite and feel well. I consider Dr. McLennan a marvelous healer." 

From Dr. J. L. Wilburt, D. D. S., 703 Market street, San Francisco: "We know something of Dr. Mc 
Lennan's institution by personal experience. * * Its medicine, which consists mainly of the laying on 
of hands, is delightful and refreshing. It soothes and invigorates." 

From the Rev. Jno. Tyerman, of Australia: "Evidently there is no better magnetic healer in the whole 
world than Dr. J. D. McLennan of San Francisco, Cal. Praise only drops from the lips of thosa who nave 
been under his treatment." 

From the San Francico Chronicle of July 20, 1878: "A "Worker of "Wonders. He casteth the devils out of 
a Chronicle reporter." 

From the San Francisco Evening Post of August 1, 1878: "The truly wonderfal success which Dr. J. D. 
McLennan is meeting with in the cure of difficult and complicated diseases, is both startling and extraor- 
dinary. * * He is enabled to effect cures which have defied all other methods of treatment, and his 
rooms are thronged daily with patients anxious to secure his aid." 

From the Dominion Press, Oak., August 22, 1878: "And we therefore have no hesitation in recommend- 
ing him to our friends who may be so unfortunate as to need his assistance." 

Besides the above, I can refer with pleasure to the following prominent gentlemen that have been under 
my treatment; Gov. A. P. K. Saffords, of Arizona; Judge S. P. Hall, of San Francisco; Judge L. E. Pratt, 
San Francisco; Judge Currey, San Francisco; and over one thousand and six hundred others. 

N. B. — Dr. J. D. McLennan, V. M. D., is permanently located at No. 18 Third street, San Francisco 
to whom all communications should be addressed. Consultation personally or by letter free, 



1I0II OLD JOT&I 

CIGAEETTES the Best in the World, 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGAEETTES the Best in the World. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



365 



COLQMA VINEYARD. 



/^jM+marj^ 


Constantly on 
\ baud 


'_ ^__ 




■±\ WINES & BRANDIES, 


"tZ^s-'-M 




£E» Burgundy, 


K£ "■■ M» 


'I l'^--; 


j&SJI Muscat, Catawba, 


"^BB^ 




y BED, WHITE, 

and other WINES. 


Robert 


Chalmers, Coloma. 




FOR 


SALE BY 


tOBERT BELL, 



General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 



Grand Headquarters. 

MUSIC BOXES 

— FOR— 

HOLIDAY, BIRTHDAY, AND WEDDING PRESENTS. 

M. J. PAILLARD & CO. 

Manufacturers and Importers 
120 SUTTER STREET, San Francisco, 

GSO Broadway, New York, St. Croix, Switzerland. 



Music Boxes and Orchestrions 



412 Snnsomc Street, 



San Francisco. 



STOP AT 

LEW MILLS 

729 t'LAY ST., opposite Plaza, 

And get your 

HOT COFFEE AND BUTTER CAKES FOR 10 CFNNTS 

It will refresh you. 

Eoast meats of all kinds and game, kept at all 
hours. dec28-2mos 



Sold Very Cheap 

—AT— 

Bartlett's Auction Salesroom, 

No. 3 DTJPONT ST., near Market, 

Those desirous of procuring nice selections of 
Standard and Miscellaneous Works will never hare 
a better opportunity to select from so good an assort- 
ment and at less rates. BAETLETT & CO., 

dec7-5t Auctioneers. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

D. QACTW &z OO. v 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 

107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



0. J>. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. R. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 
San Francisco. 



WESTOWS 

Bakery and Restaurant, 

No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Beat of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- deel4-lm 



51 



MOKE OLD JUD5I 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



nov23-2mos 



REPAIRED. 



Dr. J, L. WILBERT, Dentist, 

Has REMOVED to 

18 Third Street; 

Nine Doors from Corner Market Street. 



Clay St Restaurant, 

613 and 614 CLAY STREET. 



The Finest Place on the Coast! All the Luxuries of 
the season! First class in every respect! 



A. WILSON, Proprietor. 

dec28-2t 



SUBSCRIBE FOR THE 

SAN FRANCISCO 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 

OFFICE, 

602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER OH THE PACIFIC 
COAST! 



Contains Five Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Scenery. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR ! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - U per Tear. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



5^"A11 Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



MERCER'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

FACTORY, 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

So. 17 POWELL ST., opp. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

EP^Special Attention paid to Country Orders, ,^3 
Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Polk. 



Henry -A-lirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 

$66 



a week in your oft-n town. Terms and §5 outfit free. Aa 
dress H. Hallett ix, Co., Portland, Maine. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 centB at piece. 

flSK 4-|-k <£Of\ per day at home. Samples worth S5 free. 
<PtJ y,\j x$£i\J Address Stissox & Co., Portland, Maine. 




PIPER-KEIDSIECK. 



51 



MOEI OLD JVSIE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



366 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



wrlgnt's Market. 

813 Market St., above Fourth. 



MEATS 

Betailed at the Lowest "Wholesale Prices. 



IN GOD WE TRUST ! all others must pay C. O. D. 

Efi°This Market sells Meat one quarter lower than 
any Market that gives Credit. 

STONE & HEDGE, Proprietors. 

R.H0E&G0. 

New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

■Where will he found Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT STJPERIOKITY of our 

Lithograph 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co's generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



"We have a large stock of 



Second Hand Presses ! 

— VERY CHEAP — hoth of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



HIBEEWm 
Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 



President 

Vice-Peesldent .... 



OFFICERS: 

M. D. SWEENY 

C. D. O'STJLLIVNA 



TRUSTEES: 
M. D. Sweeny, CD. O'Sullivan, M. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gus. Touchard, 

'&. J. Tobin, Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Teeasubeb EDWARD MARTIN 

Attobnet. .\ RICHARD TOBIN 



REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Wells, Far^-o & Co's ExpresB Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society wilt not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany his first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will be delivered to the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
Deposits received from $2.60 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 
jnly21-tf ' 

The Finest and Cheapest CLOTHING 
BROTHERS. Men's and Boys' 



BALDWIN'S 

ARCADE MARKET 

James Lintott, 
914 MARKET STREET 

— AND— 

No. 9 ELLIS STREET. 



BREWERY, 

HOWARD STREET, 

Between 8th and 9th Streets, 

M. NUN AN, Proprietor. 



WANTED. 



In every City and Town in California, CANVAS- 
SERS for the 

Illustrated Wasp. 

Reliable parties out of employment, will find this 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
"Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



BACK NUMBERS 

OF THE 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete their files of the 
WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
fice. We have reserved a number of copies of each 
issue which can be had at 

Ten Cents a Copy. 



A. SCHROEPFER, 

ARCHITECT, 

Has removed his office to Thuiiow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Room 38. Elevator in the building. 




m 



SaMllllllHItW 1 



CO^PIPT H & BRYANT sW (^^/ (3^^^M(fy 



DIAMONDS 



IN SOLID GOLD MOUNTINGS 



FOR 



Lefevre Ring, $1. Set of Studs, $1. (Tho Shah) Stud, $1. Lefevre Ear Drops, Jl. 
The articles as above represented are guaranteed to be solid gold mountings 
containing THE noJBUtlll, UI'GVKE lll.l)linl>. 

THE ONLY PERFECT FAC-SIMILE OFTHE REAL DIAMOND IN THE WORLD 

Which for Wear, Brilliancy, mul Beauty are not excelled by tho natural gem. 
The wonderful Lefevre Diamond Is of tho purest whiteness, as delicately cut, and 
possesses the same refractive qualities and exact proportions as the real diamond. 

" The wonderful Lkpivbs Diamond ii a marvelous an 1 perfect imitation of the re.il gem, and the American Jewelry 
Company are entitled to irreat credit for their enerey, in beioc-able to mounl them in solid gold for 81.00."— CMll Enquirer. 

" Tin' l.iii'iiviii; Diamonds are Coming into grunt favor In the world of fashion, nnd so far ns appearances go. are just 
as benutlful an the genuine jewels. The company publish an interesting catalogue in which the history of these cele- 
brated gems is fi.i. ■' — Andrew' Bazar. 

We will send Free by REGISTERED 9IAII* to any Address In America, 

ON RECEIPT OF ONE DOLLAR EITHER OF THE ABOVE ARTICLES 



of the newest hIvIgs of rich Gold Jewelrv nnd Wntches which we 

AMERICAN JEWELRY COMPANY, 5 Arcade, Cincinnati, 0. 

We refer to nny established business house or the press of Cincinnati oa to our reputation for fair and honorable dealings. 




and GENT'S FURNISHING GOODS 1 HOUSE on the Pacific Coast, RODS 
Clothing, Gent's Furnishing Goods. 1 35 & 37 Kearny, S. W. cor. Post, S.F. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP, 



367 



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Notice to Country News Dealers. — The San 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmasters. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 

SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 1879. 

"' Gainst the wrong thai needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing. " 

Washington, Jim. 2. — To-day, between eleven and 
one o'clock, a thief entered the Government Print- 
ing office, and, watching his opportunity, took from 
the safe of the Disbursing Clerk a package of cur- 
rency containing $10,0U0, intended for paying off 
employees and for the purchase of material, and 
made his escape without observation. Detectives 
were immediately put to work. 

The above is a fair sample of the Associa- 
ted Press' manner of "lying." It can be 
called by no other name. Mr. Symonten 
hears that $10,000 has been stolen and upon 
that fact, he builds. He conjectures; and his 
conjectures he mixes up with the fact and 
telegraphs the whole as actual facts. For ex- 
ample, he states that the "thief entered, 
etc." while the possibilities are that the thief 
■was an employee. Then again that "watch- 
ing his opportunity etc." How is it known 
that he watched his opportunity ? How is it 
known that he didn't stumble upon the 
chance of robbing this open safe quite acci- 
dently ? If a thief was observed entering and 
watching his opportunity in such a place, 
why wasn't he fired out? Again we are told 
he "made his escape without observation." 
If he wasn't observed making his escape, how 
is it known that he has done so ? He may 
be concealed in a drawer in the safe, in the 
stove-pipe, up the chimney flue, or on the 
roof. 



CLERICAL EDUCATION. 

The scandalous disclosures which have re- 
sulted from the pending investigation into 
the affairs of the Education Department are 
being used as arguments to prove the incon- 
trovertable assertion that the multiplication 
table, unless leavened by a wholesome dose 
of catechism, is dangerous to the moral well 
being of the community. . As a matter of 
public policy the whole question of educa- 
tion formes one of the most serious problems 
in modern government. Sacerdotalism has 
claimed, and still claims, that no system of 
education outside of its control can be whole- 
some or beneficial. The Catholic priesthood 
says that to teach a child to spell cat, with- 
out, in the same breath, teaching it the dif- 
ference between mortal sin and mere venali- 
ty, is to place it in danger of reaching that 
infernal region which is, for convenience 
sake, located beyond geographical investiga- 
tion. The Episcopalian ministry asserts that 
to instruct youth that five blows on the nose 
and one on the right eye make six blows in 
all, without at the same time instructing it 
as to "Who gave you that name" is calculated 
to result in the production of a race of men 
and women of a terribly inferior moral and 
mental nature. The Presbyterian bible- 
pounders maintain that to teach a boy to 
write his name without also teaching him 
that "'Whatsoever God hath foreordained 
must come to pass" (even to the stoning to 
death of an innocent cat by a deputation of 
jovial Sunday school scholars) is wicked be- 
yond description. "While Baptist bath-givers 
conceive that a knowledge of grammar, un- 
less accompanied by a like knowledge of the 
saving properties of a douche in sanctified 
cold water, is destructive to human morality 
and rectitude. 

The contest on this point between the un- 
sanctified, if, perhaps, more intelligent, por- 
tion of humanity and their more saintly, if, 
perhaps, more supid, brethern has been go- 
ing on for years; and that, too, not merely in 
this country but in all other countries where 
the light of common sense has obtained a 
foothold. And everywhere the three E's find 
an implacable active enemy in the Roman 
Catholic Church. Other churches may give 
a fragmentary desultory opposition to "God- 
less" erudition, but that one is at all times 
and under all circumstances the strong and 
organized opponent of education and en- 
lightenment — carried on outside the super- 
vision of its own priesthood and without the 
aid of its own catechism and unreliable text 
books. In an interview with a reporter of a 
morning journal a Reverend gentleman dis- 
tinguished as much for his zeal as his educa- 
tional acquirements, recently said: "I take 
these abuses to be the result of a system that 
has no Godliness in it, that is mercenary 
from first to last." It well becomes the lips 
of a representative of a church which every 
year squeezes from the horny hands of the 
poorer classes thousands upon thousands of 
dollars, which they can ill afford to spare, to 
charge any person or anything, with being 
mercenary. But the Reverend gentleman's 
remedy for the rotten state of our educational 
institutions is unique and ludicrous, if not 



altogether original. He says we must adopt 
a system "that will embody moral instruction 
and restraint; that will teach our children 
the existence of a God and the certainty of a 
judgment." To be sure; teach your children, 
as you do your dog, to fear the lash. Teach 
them to do right, not because it is right, but 
because of fear of that fictitious lake of brim- 
stone. And then when they grow old enough 
to judge for themselves, to see that this lake 
of brimstone is a myth, the "restraint" will 
still hold. They who have been taught to do 
right through fear will when the fear is re- 
moved still do right; while those who have 
been taught to do right because it is right, 
will necessary do wrong and go headlong to 
the torrid regions. As near as we can judge 
that is the Reverend gentleman's position. 
What earthly connection there is between 
teaching the pupils "Godliness" and reform- 
ing the management of the department and 
the manner of examining and appointing 
teachers we are at a loss to know. Indeed, . 
we fear that the Reverend gentleman is alto- 
gether beyond our comprehension. 



C0RK0NIAN IMPERTINENCE. 

The world does not exactly revolve around 
Cork, but that does not prevent the people 
of that city from entertaining a very high 
opinion of their own importance. What par- 
ticular part of the world Cork is located in, 
may not be very generally known. Geogra- 
phy, as we all know, is a "Godless" study 
and, so far as a careful avoidance of it is con- 
cerned, a large majority of us have been or- 
thodox christians. Hence we feel it incum- 
bent upon us to rise and explain that Cork is 
located neither in Italy nor Patagonia, but 
in the South of Ireland. Beyond being situ- 
ated in the neighborhood of a penal estab- 
lishment, Cork is distinguished for nothing 
in particular — unless it be the general ignor- 
ance of its inhabitants. Recently the Ameri- 
can Consul at that place informed its city 
fathers that "Ulysses I." was about tramping 
in that direction. Whatever division of 
opinion, as to the merits or demerits of Ulys- 
ses, may exist amongst ourselves, to foreign 
nations and foreign people he is a distin- 
guished citizen of this country, an ex-Presi- 
dent, and a great General. Customary cour- 
tesy, therefore, demanded that the munici- 
pality of Cork should, in some way or other, 
acknowledge his presence. The Corkonians, 
however, determined to rise above customary 
courtesy on this occasion. If this action on 
their part had been the result of a growing 
consciousness that these public receptions of 
distinguished men were — as they are — a 
sham, we should have applauded their course; 
but it was the result of fanaticism and im- 
pertinence. It seems that some observations 
of General Grant's, with reference to our 
educational system — made years ago — gave 
great offense to the Catholic Church. Hence 
the action of the municipal authorities of the 
great city of Cork. As we said before, 
abroad General Grant is a representative 
American; and any slight or insult offered to 
him is a slight and an insult offered to his 
country. For the vendors of tape, and soap, 
and so forth, who constitute the governing 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



371 



magnates of the city of Cork to endeavor to 
punish an American citizen because of his ut- 
terances or actions as a sworn official of our 
Government is not merely ridiculous but also 
impertinent. The Irish people — and we say 
it in no harsh spirit — have an exagerated 
opinion of their own importance in this Re- 
public; they should recollect that in thrust- 
ing their religion and their nationality, at 
every possible opportunity, in the face of 
Americans they are rendering themselves as 
great a nuisance as the Chinese. And above 
all it should be distinctly understood that the 
President of the United States is not com- 
pelled to obtain the permission of the City 
Council of Cork before expressing his views 
upon the education question. It should be 
distinctly understood that, while appreciating 
the honor they would do us, we respectfully 
decline to have our State affairs transacted 
by the haberdashers and tallow chandlers 
who govern the fair and — to its people — im- 
portant city of Cork. 



f See Illustration on First Page. ] 
TO "THE SWEET BY AND BY." 

"When a man arrives at the conclusion that 
the welfare of the whole community depends 
upon his individual exertions, it is safe to 
assume that he has entered upon that straight 
road which leadeth to the lunatic asylum. 
Our friend Denis, we regret to say, seems to 
have made a start in that direction. This 
individual has taken upon his own shoulders 
the moral regeneration of the whole country. 
It is a great task, but he is firmly convinced 
that he is fully equal to it. In fact, that he 
is equal to anything and everything. He can 
command an army, or govern a City, State, 
or federation of States. He can perform the 
functions of a Graud Jury, administer justice 
more equitably than a trained jurist; arrange 
the muddled affairs of a banking institution 
much better than a combination of skilled 
financiers; and even drive a dray or steer a 
ship. It must be freely confessed that a man 
possessing all these accomplishments and 
capabilities is a great man; almost too great 
to live. The human frame, like a boiler, is 
capable of standing a certain pressure, but, 
when the limit indicated by the safety valve 
is exceeded, danger raises its warning hand 
and sooner or later something bursts. It is 
clearly apparent, therefore, that Denis is in 
a bad way. He is travelling straight on to a 
certain destination, and stands a fair chance 
of blowing up — with Belf-importance, if no- 
thing else — before he reaches it. 

The reason given by this great man for his 
latest impertinence is unique. "I was asked," 
he says, "by some of the depositors to save 
them! ! !" To save them from what? you 
thick-headed lout! And, pray you, sir, how 
were you going to save them ? Were you go- 
ing to take the bank home with you, under 
your arm, and rub it up with Mexican Mus- 
tang Liniment ? Or did you propose taking 
it out to the Sand-lots and arranging its com- 
plicated finances by an "all hands up" pro- 
cess ? You were asked by the depositors to 
save them, were you? And how were you 
going to save them ? Same way as the pork 
packer saves his bacon, by the application of 



brine, eh ? You were asked to take their 
part, were }'ou ? If you got the chance you 
would a pretty big "part," too, eh ? Now 
Denis, let us put a suppositional case to you. 
Suppose that you and eleven others were en- 
gaged in a commercial adventure and that 
some disputes arose amongst you, as to the 
propriety of certain steps. And suppose 
that, for the purpose of arranging the vexed 
questions, you were to hold a meeting and 
that one of your number (who owned but a 
slight interest in the concern) was, instead 
of attending himself, to send a bloated bond- 
holder — say Stanford — and that that bloated 
bond holder was to kick up a row, accuse you 
all of thievery, and prevent you from trans- 
acting the business for which you had met, 
what would you say? Ponder over these 
things, dear boy. 



MODESTY, THY NAME IS HUMBUG. 

One of the ablest cartoons which it has 
been our lot to see for some time past, was 
published by our contemporary Puck in the 
issue of December 18th ult. It presents in 
a graphic manner the various aspects of the 
recent "Court" order by which our blue- 
nosed cousins — of the female persuation — 
are compelled to appear before deputy-roy- 
alty in — a — the dress most affected by the 
frail inhabitants of Morton street and Wav- 
erly Place, or not at all. It is a notorious 
fact that the female aristocracy of the Bri- 
tish Colonies — Australia, Africa, and Canada 
— for the most part commenced life at the 
wash-tub, the cook-stove, or somewhere ad- 
jacent thereto. While the male aristocracy, 
for the most part can trace their pedigree 
back one generation to a person who, if not 
noble, at least baked bread or soldered tin- 
pots for nobility. And often a search into 
the mysteries of another generation fetches 
up in the nameless ward in the poor house. 
Under the circumstances therefore we do not 
doubt but that the deputy-royal command 
will receive that prompt obedience which al- 
ways characterises snobocracy. 

We have seen, somewhere or other, what 
purported to a criticism of our New York 
neighbor, in which the words "indecency," 
and "blackguard" are used with recklessness. 
Hard names are, to a certain class of minds, 
as convincing as the most logical argument. 
In fact, in the Billinsgate fish market they 
are said to be more so. Besides the modesty 
which is shocked at the pictorial representa- 
tion of a woman dancing the can-can, and 
sees nothing wrong in a woman walking 
around with about half of her person 
stark naked is — wonderful, but, under the 
circumstance, slightly sycophantic. 



[See Double-page Illustration.'] 

"HARD TIMES." 

'■'Tis a song that will linger, etc." If 
there is any reputable person in existence 
who can make an affidavit that he has known 
times that were not "hard" — that is, with 
the exception of the Times newspaper which 
is always a little soft, in an editorial way — 
he may step up to the business office of this 
paper and claim a beautiful fifteen cent 



ehromo representing Deacon Fitch in the at- 
titude of prayer. But such person does not 
exist, so that the ehromo, which waB a Christ- 
mas present from a young lady admirer of 
the editor's, is quite safe. There never was a 
period when city folks were not complaining 
of "hard times," and country folks were not 
complaining of too much wet weather, or 
too much dry weather, or too much of some 
thing or other. It is astonishing the amount 
of money which people can afford to spend 
in dissipation notwithstanding the hardness 
of the times. If times were to become soft 
for a while, why we would all fairly swim in 
pleasure and luxury. In the mean time can 
anybody tell us what is "Hard Times 1" 



fSee Illustration on Last Page.] 
QUESTIONS OF TIME. 

There are many of them. In the first place 
it is a mere question of time whether the 
Wasp will become the leading paper of its 
class in the United States. It is a question 
of time when the "chaneyman" will be here 
in sufficient force to eat the Sand-lots up, 
cheek and jowl. A young lady's age is a 
question of time — and a very delicate ques- 
tion, too. The identity of our next Presi- 
dent is a question of time. 

Time is a wonderful expositor of riddles. 
It takes time to cook a beef steak; it takes 
times to form tell tale wrinkles around the 
eye of beauty. It takes time to work a pair 
of slippers and a smoking cap — but it seems 
to take a great deal more time than is abso- 
lutely necessary, to get them brought as far 
as this office. It takes time to make love — 
and the time thus spent is very pleasantly 
occupied; so we have been told. And so in- 
asmuch as it takes time to do all these things 
it follows that time does them. 



The party of honesty, of reform, of pure 
government, etc., are again to the fore. And 
in the favorite character of suppressors of the 
right of free speech and general hoodlumism. 
We are not admirers of Senator Bones. In- 
tellectually we regard him as being some- 
what deficient; and, from the stand point of 
integrity, it is difficult to look upon him with 
respect. At the same time we do not doubt 
he possesses more honesty and more ability 
in his individual person than could be extrac- 
ted from the cowardly rabble who refused 
him a hearing and afterwards assaulted him, 
on Wednesday evening last. The Sand-lot 
Jackass should bray again on behalf of free 
speech. 



The remarkable business capacity which 
Constitutional Convention is developing 
since the per diem allowance became exhaust- 
ed is suggestive. Perhaps, if Congressmen 
and Senators were paid according to the 
amount of work which they accomplished — ■ 
that is, by results — we would have more prac- 
tical, useful, legislation and less gas. The 
Senate would soon put a damper on such 
wind bags as Blaine when they tried to stir 
up sectional hate and jealousy by discussing 
dead and buried issues. Our " Statesmen " 
would, perhaps, have more time to "look 
into" current questions. 



372 



THE ILLTJSTEATED AVASP. 



INGRATITUDE. 



IN TWO PARTS-PART I. 





1. These two savages are abroad seeking 
for something to devour. 



2. They come to the farmer's domicile 
and state the case. 





'3. The agriculturalist perceives the force 
of their representation and bringeth grub. 



4. Likewise doth he provide for their fu- 
ture wants and they depart peacefully. 





5. Wearied with travel they sit down to 
digest their free lunch and smoke a pipe. 



6. But, as the shades of night are falling, 
they start upon another mission. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



373 




A spirit medium — the worm of a still. 

Is a man who runs away from a cow a cow- 
ard? 

A negro may give away his friend but he 
will always keep dark. 

A swain's mate is always a woman, but a 
boat-swain's mate is always a man. 

Librarians who complain of books being 
stolen seem to forget that a book has leaves. 

It has never yet been decided whether the 
dead languages died a natural or a violent 
death. 

A young lady who sedulously selects the 
dances in which she will take part is a hop- 
picker. 

When Jacob's sons told the old man that 
there was corn in Egypt, did they mean li- 
quid corn ? 

"The Song of the Shirt" — that is the 
tramp's shirt. "When am I going to get 
washed." 

Somebody says Ben Butler should be stage 
manager in a theatre because he has a na- 
tural cast in his eye. 

The man who hath not music in his soul, 
runs away from his boarding house without 
paying for his whistle. 

The fitness of these things is not eternal, 
said a policeman regarding his Mission blue 
pants after the last rain. 

The gorgeousness of the winter sunset is 
thrown away upon a man whose overcoat is 
in the careful keeping of hi9 uncle. 

If nine and nine make eighteen why is it 
that two base ball clubs sometimes don't 
make anything like that number between 
them. 

"Love is blind," perhaps that is the rea- 
son why married men sometimes light on the 
hired girl's lips when searching for those of 
their wives. 

A toper's red nose in some respects re- 
sembles a light house. It's generally located 
at the bar where schooners pass over and 
forms a warning beacon. 

There are eleven thousand verses to a Chi- 
nese poem, so that a slow man like Tennyson 
would not get much more than two or three 
pieces completed in a life time. 

There is no intention to damage the tem- 
perance cause by this paragraph, but where 
are the great majority of the people who have 
refused to drink intoxicating liquors ? 



Young man don't spend your time lounging 
around Pauper Alley in search of points on 
the stock market. You can find wealth any 
day by looking for it — in the dictionary. 

Love laughs at locks and bars, it is said; 
so also do defaulting Savings Bank mag- 
nates, if there is any truth in the rumors re- 
garding Duncan's treatment in the County 
Jail. 

An Irishman upon his arrival in the United 
States, noting the great number of military 
titles, exclaimed: "Begorra now and what a 
power av a foight mushl have been here 
where all the privates wus kilt." 

What is the hight of absurdity ? asked a 
Professor in a young ladies' seminary. About 
five feet eight replied an absent minded 
young lady whose mother usually denomi- 
nated her father "Old Absurdity." 

Mr. John Hammes has reported that on 
November 12th, 1878, he saw a volcanic er- 
ruption on the moon. If John keeps his 
eyes open he will see a different kind of 
erruption in these United States on the 9th 
of November, 1880. 

A man who was seen coming out of a Texas 
newspaper office with a crushed hat and a 
damaged nose explained to a policeman that 
he entered the office simply to inquire if the 
editor was in. "And he was in," the victim 
added mournfully. 

President Hayes having failed to find his 
lost back bone has had his shirts rigged up 
with a piece of whalebone which goes to 
show that the Captain of the Ship-of-State 
resembles an ordinary merchant ship in that 
he requires stiffening. 

Professor — "What methods does man em- 
ploy to express his thoughts ?" Scholar, (af- 
ter mature deliberation) — "He employs 
speech." Professor — "Bight. But, when 
he can't employ speech, what does he do 1" 
Scholar — "He keeps silent." 

Chemistry as a science is full of many curi- 
ous facts. For example, elements which are 
in themselves perfectly harmless become des- 
tructive by combination. Witness, the hired 
girl and the kerosene can. What can be 
more harmless and innocent than each of 
these when alone, and what can be more 
dangerous in combination ? 

A lady residing on Post street, occupied 
the greater portion of last Monday after- 
noon in grating nutmegs for some culinary 
purpose, and afterwards regaled her intel- 
lectual faculties with a little diurnal litera- 
ture. The first thing that caught her eye 
was the headline query "Who is the great- 
est Woman in America." Her husband, 
coming in at that moment, said he supposed 
Mrs. Emily Pitt Stevens was the greatest; 
but that matron arose in her wrath and ex- 
plained that, if a woman who spent the grea- 
ter portion of an afternoon in grating nut- 
megs to be used in the construction of deli- 
cacies for an unworthy husband, didn't rank, 
in his estimation, as a greater woman than 
that temperance gas bag who spent her af- 
ternoons in jerrymandering around the town, 
he didn't get any more delicacies — not if the 
court knew itself. 




Sow Our Neighbors Live — Is a work which 
possesses the merit of accuracy and truth. 
The author asserts that our neighbors — with 
the exception of tramps (who live in the open 
air) of Indians (who live in Wigwams) and 
of sailors (who live on board ships) — live in 
houses. Having satisfactorily disposed of 
that point he proceeds to explain what they 
live on. Some, he says, subsist on pork and 
beans, some on chicken salad, some on boiled 
cod fish and potatoes, some on roast beef 
and plum pudding, some onlimburger cheese 
and sour kraut, some on hard tack and salt 
horse, some on bread and milk, and some 
upon anything they can get. Next he pro- 
ceeds to explain what they live for. Young 
ladies he is inclined to think, live for the ex- 
press purpose of keeping in a state of chro- 
nic impecuniosity their amorous admirers. 
Older ones for the purpose of making illna- 
tured remarks about each other; and still 
older ones with the diabolical intention of 
spiting the patient soul of the family under- 
taker. Young men, he thinks, live in order 
that they may wear large stand-up collars 
and coats with ample tails and so keep the 
tailor and haberdasher out of the bankrupt 
court. Older ones, that they may buy their 
wives new dresses, and their daughters new 
hats, and themselves latch keys; and still 
older ones that they may stand in the way of 
young genius and generally cumber the 
ground. No man need expect any greater 
enjoyment, on this side of the pearly gates, 
than a quiet evenings read at this book win- 
ding up with a supper of sheep trotters. It 
is for sale by all red nosed policemen. 

Tom's Heathen — Is a work written in twelve 
different languages, each one of which is un- 
known. One of the advantages of this lin- 
guistic abundance is that nobody can under- 
stand what it is about. From an author's 
stand point this is a great advantage, and it 
is no less so from the publishers. In the 
first place, carping critics cannot pick holes 
in it; in fact, not understanding what it is 
about, they are afraid to attack it because 
they would thereby expose their own incapa- 
city and ignorance — and who ever heard of a 
book reviewer who did know everything and 
was not able to do everything. Then again 
the public is bound to buy and read a book 
which it is incapable of understanding. And 
moreover the public will speak of it to its 
neighbor as "that remarkable work," and its 
neighbor, not to be outdone, will buy it and 
read it, and say that it is "profoundly won- 
derful." We, differing from the majority of 
our tribe, will freely admit that we have not 
the most remote idea of what "Tom's 
Heathen" is. It may be a man, possibly a 
dog, perhaps a cat, and more than likely it is 
a goose. 



374 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



My Cousin Estelle. 



CHAPTER I.— Continued. 

THERE was not the slightest attempt at 
trimming or ornament about her deep mourn- 
ing, and, had I not been a little piqued, I 
should have been amused by her fruitless attempts 
to brush out the wave in her thick dark hair; but it 
was no use — the close-fitting black dress, almost 
nun-like in its simplicity, displayed Estelle's perfect 
figure to the best advantage, and made her white skin 
appear whiter by the contrast, whilst the manner in 
which she wound the coils of hair at the back of her 
head was in perfect keeping with her classical beauty. 
Indeed I am not at all sure that, in endeavoring to 
to make herself unattractive, she did not render her 
beauty more conspicuous by her utter disregard for 
fashion; and what puzzled me still more was the 
discovery that this was no new freak, for in helping 
her to arrange her possessions the next morning, I 
fcund that the dresses she had been wearing before 
my uncle's death were all made in the same strange- 
ly simple fashion. 

I think, if I had not felt conscious of the undefin- 
able difference in Estelle, I should have sought then 
to gratify my curiosity, for I knew my uncle's idea 
of women's dress, and I knew too that Estelle had 
formerly been obliged to study them; but that she 
had not done so of late was very evident. 
CHAPTER II. 
'•Mamma, I don't think our roses will be quite so 
successful this summer as they were last year," I 
said, as I came and stood by the window where my 
mother sat at work on the evening after Estelle's ar- 
rival. "I wonder whether Estelle knows But 

where is she?" I asked, glancing around the room, I 
became aware that my mother was alone. 

"She has gone to her own room, and asked me to 
say 'Good-night* to yon, if she should not see you 
again." 

"Why? Is she ill?" 

"No; but she knew Stephen was coming, and 
seemed so anxious to avoid meeting any one just yet 
that I could not oppose her wishes." 

"But, mamma, Stephen is not a stranger, and he 
might feel hurt if he thought Estelle avoided him. I 
will go and ask her to come to tea, at all events." 

"No, Marguerite," said my mother quietly; "it 
will be best for Estelle to judge for herself in such 
matters; and," she added with a smile, "I really 
think you will be able to amuse Stephen as usual this 
evening." 

"Well, I cannot understand Estelle," I declared, 
a little pettishly; "she seems so dreadfully altered." 
"Great griefs do alter people," said my mother 
gravely. ( You are impatient, as usual, Marguerite. 
Be content to wait a little, and you will find Estelle 
will become as companionable as ?he used to be." 

To this I did not make any reply, for I felt that, 
though my dear, patient mother was usually right in 
her arguments, in this at least she did not see quite 
as clearly as I saw; but then, of course she had not 
expected so much, and therefore was not likely to 
feel so bitterly disappointed. So thinking it best not 
to discuss Estelle's peculiarities I went back to my 
favorite seat in the little summer-house, with the 
intention of finishing a book I had left there that 
morning. However, I was in no mooa for reading, 
and, chancing to look up as I listlessly turned a 
page, I saw Estelle sitting by her open window, 
drawing, and my vexation melted away like mist be- 
fore the sun; for, just as I glanced up, she laid 
down her pencil, and, resting her face on her hand, 
looked out across the fields that lay at the back of 
our house, with such a pitiful, wistful look in her 
young eyes, that, without knowing why, my heart 
ached in unison with her grief. 

How strange it seemed— Estelle sitting there, so 
lonely in her loveliness, whilst I, Marguerite Craw- 
ford, with half her talents and, even Stephen would 
have confessed, not a tenth part of her beauty — sat 
rich in love and hope, without, as far as I could see, 
the shadow of a cloud to darken my future! Oh, 
how intensely happy I was! How intensely happy 
had I been ever since that bright April evening 
when some one else chose to take upon himself Han- 
nah's duty of seeing me safely home from one of the 
many little pleasant croquet-parties at which I had 
been present that spring! 

I dare say our suburban attempts at gaiety would 
have seemed very dull to a girl accustomed to the 
excitement of a London season; but they were all- 
sufficient for me, and it did not in the least distract 
from my amusement to know that Mrs. Smith and 
Mrs. Staines lent each other their plate for their re- 
spective parties because their names both began with 
S, and it looked so much better to have all the forks 
marked alike, or that the "Matthews's epergne," as 
everybody celled it, would be sure to appear at every 
festive gathering of any branch of the family, or that 
we girls could almost always guess what each other's 



dresses would be, and could have told beforehand 
who would be met at each particular house. 

So, when Mrs. Sherwin, who was the leader of onr 
little, set announced her intention of giving an unus- 
ually large party for the purpose of introducing her 
nephew Stephen to us all, in honor of the said 
Stephen's having returned from a long stay abroad, 
and being made a partner in his father's business — 
"which means a thousand a year, my dear, if it 
means a penny," as Mrs. Sherwin said to my moth- 
er, — we were, of course, on the tiptoe of expectation; 
and I rather think there were two or three new dress- 
es at Mrs. Sherwin's party that were bought and 
worn less in honor of the hostess than the hostess' 
nephew, and I really think the wearers repented of 
their extravagance, for, what with his handsome face 
his pleasant winning manner, and his thousand a 
year, Stephen Sherwin was worth something more 
than a new dress — not that I troubled myself with 
all that at the time, for I was rather inclined in those 
days, partly from pride, partly from independence, 
to stand aloof from any species of hero or heroine 
worship. 

So I stood aloof from it that night; but afterwards, 
as time passed on, and I met Stephen frequently at 
the houses of different friends, I learned to like him 
for his genuine good-nature, and the kindly thought 
for others that showed itself in almost everything he 
said or did, but that I felt more than liking for him, 
or he for me, I know I am honest in saying I never 
suspected. 

The weather during April in that year had been 
unusually warm and dry, so we had begun our cro- 
quet-parties very early — and I must say I thought at 
the time that for a man with a business en his mind, 
and consequently plenty of necessary employment, 
Stephen Sherwin seemed to waste a great many hours 
over croquet; and after all he did not play so remark- 
ably well — indeed on one afternoon at the Lawsons' 
he knocked the balls about in such an extraordinary 
manner that I felt obliged, in the interest of the 
game, to snub him a little. So I was more surprised 
than any one else when, Hannah having come to 
fetch me as usual a little after seven, he announced 
his intention of walking home with me. 

"Oh, indeed we cannot let you run away yet, Mr. 
Sherwin!" exclaimed Mrs. Lawson. 

"But I am sorry to say I am compelled to do so, 
as I have some business that must be attended to to- 
night," replied Stephen. 

"Why, what can you have to do at this time?" 
asked Minnie Lawson, "People have all done with 
business for to-day." 

"But I have not, Miss Lawson," said Stephen, 
laughing. 

"Then Ithink you had better go straight home," 
was the rejoinder; and somehow Minnie did not 
speak very pleasantly. "It will be quite out of your 
way to see Marguerite home; besides, she has her 
servant with her, and will not want you." 

I fancied somehow that Stephen did not much like 
Minnie's tone or manner, for he turned away from 
her, and, looking at me, said quietly — 

I have a message from my aunt for Mrs. Craw- 
ford, and therefore duty as well as pleasure compels 
me to ask Miss Crawford to allow me to accompany 
her home. May I consider the favor granted me?" 
he asked with a smile. 

I could not refuse such a simple request, and I 
was therefore obliged to accept Stephen as an escort; 
so we started for our walk home in the dusk of the 
spring evening, with Hannah walking decorously a 
few steps behind. 

As a general rule Stephen and I had plenty to say 
to each other; but on that occasion our conversa- 
tional powers certainly seemed to fail us. I thought 
of a dozen different subjects that should possess 
some mutual interest, but I tried in vain to make a 
sensible remai-k about one of them, and the silence to 
me at least was growing oppressive, when, happen- 
ing to glance up at my companion, I found, he was 
looking down at me in a manner that sent a hot 
flush to my face. I am afraid Stephen detected it: 
for the next moment he took my hand, and, placing 
it on his arm, said, in the over-calm manner with 
which men try to hide their deepest feelings — 

It will not take us long to reach your house, Miss 
Crawford, and I have a great deal to say to you be- 
fore that. Do you think you will be a good list- 
ener?" 

"That depends on what you are going to say," I 
replied carelessly, for I was truly angry with myself 
for that flush, and was bent upon making myself as 
disagreeable as possible: but Stephen did not seem 
in the least disconcerted when he answered — 

"Well, I am going to say that I want you to help 
me in some very important business." 

'*I help you, Mr. Sherwin!" I exclaimed. "I am 
afraid my help would be a decided iiindranee." 

"Not in this case," replied Stephen laughing. 
"The fact is, now that I am to settle down, and be- 
come a responsible member of society, I think I 
should be a great deal happier if I had some one to 
take care of, and some oho who would take eare of 
me a little too." 

•'Well why don't you advertise for a housekeeper?' 



I asked maliciously, half guessing what was coming, 
and beginning to wish myself safely at home. 

"Because I want a wife, not a housekeeper. Do 
you know where I can find one, Miss Crawford?" 

"No indeed," I replied quickly. -'I wish you 
would stop a moment, Mr. Sherwin, and let me ask 
Hannah for the shawl she brought me — it is quite 
cold." And accordingly we turned round, but, to 
to my consternation, Hannah was nowhere to be 
seen. 

The traitor! She had deserted me in my hour of 
need; and, instead of resenting her want of attention 
Stephen only laughed, and insisted on putting his 
own white scarf round my neck, saying mischievously 
as he stooped to tie it, and so brought his face almost 
to a level with mine — 

"We will walk faster — but I must say you do not 
look cold;" and then he added gravely, as we walked 
on again, "I see you do not intend to understand 
me, so I had better speak plainly, and know the 
best or the worst. The fact is I have learnt to love 
you very dearly — and, Marguerite, will you he my 
wife? There, don't speak hastily, dear, for remem- 
ber my happiness rests on your decision. I know 
you well enough to feel confident you will tell me 
the truth, and I think you must be sure that I shall 
always do my best to make you happy. Now I will 
wait until we reach the end of the street, and then 
you shall tell me whether it shall be 'Yes' or 'No.' " 
So, without another word, we walked on; and, no 
doubt, if the two or three people who passed us 
thought about us at all, they would have taken us 
for a matter-of-fact, not to say sulky couple, whilst in 
reality those few minutes of silence were to decide 
the course of our future lives, and so far can apt 
pearances belie the reality. 

"Well, now, Marguerite, what is it to be?" asked 
Stephen as we reached the corner of the street; and 
I fancied I could detect a tremble in his voice. "Do 
you think it will be for your happiness as well as 
mine if you say 'Yes,' dear?" 

In spite of my surprise, in spite af the suddenness 
with which my gladness had come upon me, I was 
fully able to recognize the goodness of the gift that 
had been given me that evening; and so, though I 
do not quite know in what words my answer was 
answer was made, I know that Stephen was content, 
and I — well, I could scarcely bear the burden of my 
newly-found happiness^ 

When we reached the gate of our front garden I 
paused held out my hand, half expecting that Stephen 
would say good-night there; but he did nothing of 
the kind, saying instead — 

"You forget that I have a message for your mother 
Marguerite." 

"What message?" I asked, wondering. 
•'Why, one from my aunt, about some flower-seeds 
and one from myself, about something more import- 
ant." 

"Oh, will you tell mamma to-night?" I asked in a 
fright, for I had meant to tell my mother myself, 
and let her grow accustomed to the idea before any 
one else should speak to her about it, for I felt, with 
a little pang of remorse, how dreary home would 
seem to her when I left it; but when Stephen over- 
ruled my intention, and I think he was the wiser of 
the two. 

So we went down the little garden path together, 
Hannah overtaking us just as we reached the door, 
and volunteering a long confused statement about 
having stopped to speak to a friend, and then having 
missed us; but as I never knew Hannah to neglect 
her duties for anything before or since that memor- 
able evening, I have some doubts as to the veracity 
of her story, and rather think that, being as sharp- 
witted as she was sharp-eyed, she went home the 
other way on purpose. 

My mother looked a little surprised when I entered 
the drawing-room followed by Stephen; and really 
Mrs. Sherwin's message concerning the seeds she 
wanted was not delivered very clearly ; however 
there was no possibility of mistaking Stephen's 
meaning when he said — 

"But I have come here more on my own account 
thon my aunt's, Mrs. Crawford. In fact, I have 
come to ask so great a favor of you, that, now when 
I am going to put my request into words, I hesitate 
to do so." 

There was little need to say more. My mother, 
with a mother's keen perception, saw what had hap- 
pend, and knew that she was to be a listener to the 
old, old tale. that the young tell often with so little 
regard for the old ties that must be broken, and I 
saw her lips quiver as a faint flush rose to her face; 
so what could I do but put my arms around her, and 
hide my face on the dear shoulder that had been my 
sure refuge in childish griefs and disappointments? 
And I suppose Stephen guessed what I felt, for there 
was a little hesitation in his tone when he said — 

"I know that in asking you to give your daughter 
to me, Mrs. Crawford, I am asking you to make a 
great sacrifice; but — forgive me if I do not say 
enough, for I am notclever at making speeches about 
my own feeling — I will do my best to make her hap- 
py, and I love her as — as I do not think it possible I 
could love," — added Stephen desparately. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



375 



"And what Joes Marguerte say?" asked iny moth- 
er; but I did not feel inclined to say anything just 
then; and my mother, after a few minute's pause, 
asked again, "Well, Marguerite, what am I to tell 
Mr. Sherwiu?" 

"I am sure I don't know, mamma," I replied, as I 
seated myself upon the couch where she had been 
sitting when we came in, and I began studying the 
pattern of the carpet as I had never studied it before 
whilst I wondered if every girl felt as puzzled and 
stupid under similar circumstances as I did. But 
Stephen was far too energetic to rest content with 
anything but certainty, so he came, and, leaning 
over the end of the couch, said gravely — 

"I do not want to distress you, Marguerite, but 
you cannot expect me to be satisfied with such a 
vague answer to your mother's question. Come, 
dear, won't you confess that you do care for me 
just a little?" 

So, unable to resist his pleading, and not daring 
to trust myself to speak, I pat my hand in his; and 
I think both he and my mother understood what 
that silent answer meant. 

Never from that moment did I regret my choice; 
for, seeing Stephen as we did almost daily, I learnt 
more thoroughly to appreciate his many noble quali- 
ties, whilst my mother grew sincerely attached to 
him, and more than once laughingly said that she 
could imagine no one to whose guidance she would 
more willingly trust her impetuous, impatient little 
daughter. 

Looking back as I did on that bright summer even- 
ing, as I sat in idle happiness in the little summer 
house, was I not right in feeling grateful for the 
the' good that had fallen to my share, and, above all, 
could I not afford to be pitiful to Estelle? So, when 
the quick loud knock that had grown so familiar of 
late startled me from my reverie, and Stephen, after 
waiting for a few minutes' chat with my mother, as 
he always did, came through the drawing-room into 
the garden, I rose to meet him with a smile that was 
even brighter than usual; and of course, not having 
seen each other for the immense space of forty-eight 
hours, we had so much to talk about that for a time 
I quite forgot Estelle and her whims. At last, how- 
ever, Stephen said — 

"So your French cousin arrived yesterday? Did 
you find her as charming as you expected, Daisy?" 
"Oh, yes, quite so, and more lovely than ever! 
But, Stephen — " 
"Well, dear?" 

"Do you know I can't quite understand Estelle; 
she seems so different from what she used to be." 

"Oh, that's very possible!" returned Stephen, as 
if the subject did not greatly interest him. "Yon 
see, people do often alter in two years. Why, if I 
were to go away for that time, I should expect to 
find all sorts of dreadful changes in you, Daisy; be- 
sides, your cousin no doubt feels lonely after the 
death of her father, and it will be some time before 
she is quite able to settle down to your quiet English 
ways. ' ' 

"Well, I am sorry you will not see her this evening 
for she does not care even to meet you yet." 

"What a want of appreciation on her part!" said 
Stephen, laughing, ""Never mind, little one — I shall 
survive it. Indeed I am not so sure that it will not 
he the best arrangement. I will allow you to devote 
yourself to the French cousin in the daytime, on 
condition that you devote yourself to my amusement 
in the evening." 

"Then you don't want to see Estelle?" 
"About as much as she wants to see me, I expect;" 
returned Stephen provokingly. "But, Daisy, love, 
never mind her, for I have something unpleasant to 
to tell you. I shall have to go down to Birmingham 
for a week. It's an awful nuisance, I know — at least 
it is to me; but it is about business that none can 
manage but myself, so there is no help fqr it." 

"tlow tiresome!" I exclaimed. "When must you 
go, Stephen?" 

"To-morrow morning, dear, so I shall have to say 
good-bye this evening. The week will seem a month 
to me — do you think you will miss me, Daisy?" 
* "Not the least bit in the world," I replied, trying 
to look indifferent, but being conscious all the time 
that I was failing miserably, for I knew that, in 
spite of having Estelle with us, the week would 
seem long without Stephen to communicate scraps of 
city news or literary gossip that somehow, told in 
his pleasant manly fashion, seemed to bring the busy- 
bustling world outside nearer to the quiet home 
where we two women lived our peaceful, monotonous 
lives; and I think Stephen guessed something of this 
for, when he went away that night, he said, in the 
affectionate way in which he now and then addressed 
my mother — 

"Mamma, I leave my little Daisy in your care." 
My mother laughed at this, and said something 
about a "foolish boy" that Stephen would not stop 
to hear. 

Before I went to my own room that night I tapped 
at E-itelle's door, intending to bid her good night; 
but t received no answer, and, entering quietly, I 
found she was asleep — and, oh, how beautiful but 
how expressibly sad she looked! For the light of the 



little lamp fell on eyelashes wet with tears, and sev- 
eral times she sobbed iu her slumber like a child that 
had sobbed itself to sleep. Afraid of disturbing her, 
I stooped to kiss the little hand that lay on the cov- 
erlet, and noticed as I did so that it held a large 
open locket; and I wondered as I turned away 
whether that was the key that would explain the 
change in Estelle. However that might be, I was 
determined not to make no remark about it, and to 
pay no more visits to my cousin's room unless I was 
sure they would be welcome. 

I TO BE CONTINUED.*! 




("""""pNo communication -will be inserted unless the 
real name and address of the waiter is given. Any 
fictitious name, or nom de plume, that the correspon- 
dent desires, will be published. The real name is 
only demanded as a guarrantee of good faith. 



Herod. — The cylinders of sfceam engines 
are made of cast iron, and the cheeks of 
book agents are made of cast brass. 

Rose. — A numismatist is a person who 
gathers coins, but a vagrant who strikes you 
for two-bits to hix*e a couch for the night 
would not be properly designated by that 
name. 

Cincinnatus. — The words "As old as the 
hills" are simply an expression denoting that 
the thing alluded to is as old as the earth 
and it is not intended to assert thereby that 
the hills are any older than the valleys. 

Pauline. — Wishes to know what are the 
most useful studies for her to pursue in or- 
der to fit her for the stage ? And she is re- 
spectfully informed: The art of powdering 
and making up -'pretty. 5 ' A powerful ad- 
junct to success is well developed under- 
standings. 

Gains. — 'Wishes to know which is the swift- 
est flying bird and we answer that authorities 
are somewhat divided in opinion upon the 
point, but we are inclined to think that when 
a jail-bird gets loose, in a surreptitious man- 
ner, it can fly a trifle more quickly than any 
other. 

Melinda. — Mizpah is a Hebrew word and 
signifies: A gift. But, when your beau kisses 
you and slides out of the door saying "Miz- 
pah" and your papa enters immediately af- 
terwards, you can safely assume that he did 
not mean that the kiss was a gift, but that 
he must "miss pa." 



Ah Fong, a love-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Hoey 

Fun: 

As the magnetic needle points towards the 
pole so does the heart — which in heathen ver- 
nacular is called yum-yum — enslaved by the 
ravishing beauty of your flat nose, fly back 



from this far off uncivilized land, where your 
ever faithful admirer adventures for silver, to 
you, oh! queen of celestial lovliness. 

Idol of my soul, to you who are ever pre- 
sent in my thoughts will I relate the trials 
and tribulations which have beset my path 
and entangled my feet since that eventful 
morning when X last kissed those beautious 
lips which spread, like the branches of a 
goodly fig tree, from ear to ear. Upon the 
great junk which carried me across the stormy 
waters I met many of my country men going 
upon a similar errand to myself. But from 
the manner of their speech and conversation 
I did perceive that, however, much of "'Fan 
Tan" they knew, their hearts were un- 
acquainted with the subtle influence of that 
magic feeling which makes and unmakes em- 
pires, which drives men into mad charges 
upon the battle field; that silver cord which 
you and I, my adorable Hoey, have spun to- 
gether, and which is called love. Amongst 
them, however, did I meet one who appealed 
to my admiration and respect, for he is a 
philosopher and a sage; a man well versed in 
the devious ways of the world and well read 
in the writings of the learned. His name is 
Cog Fy. When the elements warred and 
our junk pitched about in an incomprehen- 
sible manner dangerous to the perpendicu- 
larity of the human person and destructive 
to the rest of the human stomach, I lay in 
my bunk, my heart — which beats but to wor- 
ship you — encompassed with great fear, and 
my internal arrangements much disturbed, 
and this most excellent man came to me and 
told me go up on deck out of the stink; so 
also did he advise me to avoid chow chow 
for a day or two — and even generously of- 
fered to consume that share of the same 
which fell to me. These recommendations 
I found to be good except that Cog Fy 
seemed inclined — so far as the chow chow 
arrangement was concerned — to keep me on 
the sick list long after my gastric regions 
were vigorously crying out to the contrary. 
At last after much buffeting by the ele- 
ments we arrived at our destination, this 
land filled with strange wild barbarians, and 
many wonderful sights. Before being per- 
mitted to disembark from the great junk 
many mandarins — apparently high in au- 
thority, for they wore gold lace upon their 
caps and spoke in exceedingly commanding 
voices — searched our persons and our bag- 
gage for goods upon which the rulers have 
levied tribute; but the astute Cog Fy having 
instructed me how to conceal such of my 
possessions as were liable, I was permitted 
to depart upon the last official pronouncing 

the magic words: "Now then you 

get out of the way." Cog tells me that this 
expression is not at all elegant or complimen- 
tary, but I smile with supreme contempt upon 
the ignorant barbarian whose dirty tongue 
reviles an unknown woman. 

In obedience to the typographical exigen- 
cies, I must for the present subside, praying 
that the spirit of the mighty Confucius may 
rest upon your carcass while your devoted 
lover is far away, I will lay down my paint 
brush and remain 

Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fokg. 



7VZ# 




m&p 




378 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




$**§! 



The Very Freshest American Humor. 



"When Ham was sick was Le cured by smok- 



ing 1—N. Y. Mail. 



When a joke 
little valley. — N. 



is as old as the hills it has 
Y. News. 



Two feet of hose is considered enough for 
dancing pumps. — Boston Iranscript. 

Never call your wife "Misery," even if she 
"loves company." — Hackensacic Republican. 

Games of chance would not be so awful 
naughty if a man could win every time. — 
Whitehall Times. 

No wonder they don't find Stewart's body. 
It always was difficult to get a cent of him. 
— Syracuse Times. 

Anybody can catch a cold now. The trou- 
ble is to let go again, like the man who 
caught the bear. — Ex. 



Two hundred and 
gress! Good gracious! 



nine lawyers in Con- 
si Is it any wonder 
they talk of a brief session ? — N. Y. Express. 

That popular cry, "Another lie nailed," 
was originated by Jael, who nailed Sisera 
while he was lying before her. — Danbury 
News. 

It is said that Bob Ingersoll is engaged in 
getting up matter on Job's life for a lecture'. 
It will probably boil over with fun. — Wheel- 
ing Leader. 

Count Johannes has his eggs-hits and his 
entrances. — — "Why is a lazy man like a ma- 
gician? Because he works by spells. — Bos- 
tou Iraveller. 

When Pope said "Worth makes the man, 
and want of it the feller," did he mean a 
wood-chopper or a prize-fighter ? — Baltimore 
Every Saturday. 

A South Norwalk hatter has chewed to- 
bacco a great number years without any in- 
jury to himself, having begged the tobacco. 
— Banbury News. 

Girls who give the boys a cold shoulder 
for a Christmas present, are very likely to 
meet with a warm reception the next time 
they colide. — Elmira Gazette. 

A great writer says: '-Some people are 
born Christians." But there's no occasion 
for worrying over the matter; they generally 
out-grow it. — Bridgeport Standard. 



No blame should attach to medical stu- 
dents who provide themselves with bodies 
for dissection. They will more than replace 
them when they begin to practice. — N. Y. 
Herald. 

Talk about Vanderbilt's four tracks from 
Albany to Buffalo," said a newly-arrived 
tramp this morning, "why, I've got as many 
as sixteen thousand between Syracuse and 
Utica. — XJtica Observer. 



Susan fell in love with a book-keeper, and 
when Aunt Mary asked about his position in 
life, S isan said demurely, "He's a count, 
aunt." Which proved satisfactory to both 
parties. — Boston Transcript. 

It's what might be called in the vulgar 
tongue, a "dead give away," to absent-min- 
dedly call for "coffee straight," when the 
waiter says "tea or coffee." All hotels should 
have a bill of fare. — Reynolds Herald. 

It is asserted that out of sixteen establish- 
ments which were started for the manufac- 
ture ef oleomargarine, thirteen have gone to 
the wall. In old times it was the butters 
that went to the wall that captured the city. 
— Phila. Bulletin. 

A naughty little New York girl looked at 
the flushed face of one of her young admirers 
the other day and asked, "Were you painted 
before you were baked, or are you one of 
those horried, cheap American faiences ?" — 
Boston Transcript. 

W. T. Hammond, of Newton, will be Se 
cretary Hull's Deputy Secretary of State, and 
the probabilities are that Mr. Samuel Eggs, 
of Northern Iowa, will be his chief clerk. 
Hammond-Eggs. Good team and always go 
well together. — Keokuk Constitution. 

When a young society youth arrives late, 
and in a state of perspiration, at a party, the 
opinion of his friends is divided as to whether 
his delay was caused by the urgencies of 
business or a too protracted argument with 
a grasping washerwoman. — Newark Call. 

The papers tell the mournful story of a 
Nova Scotian who was recently scalped and 
rendered entirely bald by a load of bricks 
dropped from a ladder. The careless hod- 
carrier will probably be sued for damages by 
the hairless cod-harrier. — N. Y. Graphic. 

This is an awfully wicked old world. An 
Indianapolis clergyman told me he went to 
hear Colonel Ingersoll lecture on "Some 
Mistakes of Moses," and saw more of his 
church members there than he had seen at 
prayer-meeting in six mouths. — Hawkeye, 

Ancient sculpture gave us "Dying Gladia- 
tors" and fellows of that stamp; now let mo- 
dern sculptors chisel us out "The Dying 
Temperance Lecturer," "The Expiring Dic- 
tator," "The Last of the Tramps" — some- 
thing familiar and up to the times. — N. Y. 
Com. Adv. 

And now the long winter evenings are 
coming when, with chairs drawn near to- 
gether, we shall sit in close comm -nion, she 
and we, and in the flickering ingle-glow 
build fair fire-fancies of the future time, 
dream our dreams of the yet-to-be, and hold 
that everlasting yarn for the children's stock- 
ings. — Courier- Journal. 

"Ah, yes, my son," said Mr. Smiley, as he 
was strolling under the moonlit heavens the 
other evening, "there are a great many won- 
derful things in the firmament; for instance 
there is the constellation of the 'great bear, 
which is so beautifully mixed up with the 
'dipper' that you have to always remember 
that the tail of the dipper is the handle of the 
bear, in order to tell the other from which." 
— New Haven Register. 



freight train rose up and killed him.- 
Gom. Bulletin. 



-Boston 



His Christmas. 
Yesterday morning a man of frank counte- 
nance and confidential air halted a police- 
man on Griswold street, and asked the officer 
if he knew of a worthy widow woman in De- 
troit, adding: 

"You see, I'm a lone man, and having 
plenty of money in my pocket I feel like 
making the coming Christmas a joyful one to 
some poor widow and her innocent orphans." 
The officer gave him the address of three 
different worthy widows, and the man went 
his way. In about an hour some loud talk 
in a saloon on the street attracted the of- 
ficer's attention, and the lone man with a big 
heart came out of the place with his coat torn 
down the back. 

"Hello! I thought you were anxious to 
send half a barrel of flour to some poor 
widow," said the officer. 

"What I want is to send half a barrel of 
flour to some poor widow," slowly replied 
the man, "and now I'm going right off to do 
it." 

He went across to Woodward avenue and 
tried to buy a dog of a boy for five cents, 
and then made several men drink with him. 
He then took a notion to go to the postoffice, 
but on the way met the officer, who asked 
him if the flour had been sent. 

"Whaz flour?" demanded the inebriate. 
""Why, that fifty pounds you were going 
to send some worthy widow." 

"Wasn't joing to shend fifzy pounds — only 
twezy-five pounds," replied the man, and he 
at once started for a grocery. On the way 
he fell down and rolled off the walk, and, be- 
ing unable to rise, word was sent to the of- 
ficer, who came to take him down. Lifting 
him up, he asked: 

"Did you send that flour to that worthy 
widow ?" 

Bursting into tears the man leaned over on 
the bluo coat and sobbed out: 

"Poor wurzy widder — fojot all 'bout 'er. 
Tell her to pull frew some way till Po'th 
July an' I'll buy 'er hull buncher fire-crack- 
ers!" — Detroit Free Press. 



We see that a man in Connecticut was kil- 
led the other day while "trying to board a 
freight train." There is a reason in all 
things; no doubt when the man took the 
freight train to board he gave it salaratus 
biscuit, rye coffee and strong butter for 
breakfast, and tough mutton three times a 
week for dinner, till in a fit of dyspepsia the 



From Gush to Slang. 

He was an aesthetic young man from the 
city. The floor manager had introduced him 
to a divine young creature in blue, and they 
stood in the set waiting for the prompter's 
call. 

"What a charming assembly," remarked 
the young man from the city, gazing around 
upon the array of beautiful faces and cos- 
tumes. "There is something so captivating, 
so etherealizing in these gatherings of cul- 
ture and refinement, that I am always 
charmed when I can mingle with such a joy- 
ous throng. Do you not pronounce this a 
fashionable and intellectual soiree — a su- 
perior gathering of beauty and gentility?" 

"It's the boss," replied the gentle crea- 
ture in blue, as she arranged the fastening of 
a neat little glove. 

The young man from the city had to be as- 
sisted out of the hall. — Rockland Courier. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



397 




— The School Fund is exhausted but the 
School Directors are not. 

— We always told Bonanza O'Brien to 
spend his money and not leave it for the wo- 
men to fight over. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— In Philadelphia, a man named Snyder, 
fell on the ice and broke his leg in two 
plSces. The ice was not hurt. 

— A morning contemporary recently pub- 
lished an advertisement calling for the ser- 
vices of a "Bee Guardian." Anything wrong 
with the Colonel. 

— The Scientific American comes to our 
table this month filled, as usual, with matter 
highly instructive to those who take interest 
in scientific subjects. 

— Those of our readers who are in search 
of holiday presents of a recherche nature are 
respectfully invited to peruse the advertise- 
ment of Messrs. Paillard & Co. * 

— The Constitutional Convention is about 
to debate the question: "Which makes the 
most noise, the Christmas tin horn or the 
Christmas whisky horn ?" 

— An Ohio Doctor has been convicted of 
grave robbery and sentenced to one year's 
imprisonment and a fine of $1,000 — which is 
a very grave affair for the doctor. 

— The New Orleans Mint commenced work 
on January 1st — at least we have been told 
so. We haven't exactly met with any — that 
is our purse is — a — well, let it pass. 

■ — The Wheat crop in North Texas is said 
to be injured beyond redemption. — Ex. 
What kind of redemption ? Will someone 
posted in theology tell us if wheat can be 
saved ? 

— The Austrian Military Company gave an 
invitation ball, at their armory 310 O'Parrell 
street, on Saturday evening last. A highly 
enjoyable evening was spent by all who par- 
ticipated. 

— Emperor William sent twelve horses and 
two carriages to Bayard Taylor's funeral. 
Presumably, therefore, the Emperor regards 
twelve horses and two carriages as being 
equal to himself. 

— North Carolina, it is said, has 342 luna- 
tics outside of asylums. If that is true North 



Carolina must be a phenominal State. Cali- 
fornia with her 800,000 people has about 
500,000 lunatics outside of asylums. 

— The King of Holland is a sensible man. 
It is reported that he got married with great 
solemnity. Most fools get married with a 
great deal of facetiousness and wait for the 
solemn part until the milliner's bills com- 
mence coming in. 

— Vick's Illustrated Magazine for January is 
one of the most superbly gotten up periodi- 
cals which it has been our fortune to meet 
with. Vick's Magazine is devoted principally 
to horticultural subjects and it should be in 
the hands of every person who has a lawn or 
garden to cultivate. 

— We desire to draw the attention to the 
advertisement of Mr. H. Lund, to be found 
in another column. The Piper-Heidsick 
Champagne for which he is the agent, is re- 
garded by bon vivants as a superior wine. 
Mr. Lund is, we believe, prepared to do 
business at very reasonable prices. 

— Thomas Edmundson, of Philadelphia, 
and John Seeler ; employed in the car works 
of the Ohio Palls Car Company, becoming 
interested in newspaper accounts of the 
pleasures of opium eating and smoking de- 
termined to try the effects upon themselves. 
They purchased the drug and retired to their 
room to use it. Some time afterwards Ed- 
mundson was found dying and Seeler very 
low. Moral: Don't become interested in 
newspaper reports. 

■ — The rich banker Abraham Opfpenheim, 
who has just died at Cologne, once bought a 
handsome estate on the Rhine, adjoining 
which was a small piece of land, which the 
banker wished to own also, but which its 
owner asked a large sum for. The banker, 
like many rich men, was rather sparing of 
expense; and he decided to abandon his de- 
sire for Naboth's vineyard. But Naboth de- 
termined the banker should purchase, and 
at Naboth's price. So he built on the land a 
small tavern — which he called the "Father 
Abraham." Abraham Oppenheim could not 
stand that, and he bought the property and 
pulled down the objectionable wirthshaus. 
Undertaker Yung can take this hint — under 



Why the Rev. Doctor Mudge Stopped 
His Paper. 
Some years ago when the writer was a re- 
porter, it devolved on him to write for the 
same edition an account of the presentation 
of a gold-headed cane to Beverend Doctor 
Mudge, the clergyman of the place, and the 
description of a new hog-killing machine that 
had just been put in operation at the factory. 
Now, what made the Reverend Mr. Mudge 
mad was this: The inconsiderate compositor 
who made up the form got the two accounts 
mixed in a frightful manner, and when it 
went to press, something like this was the 
appalling result: "Some of the Reverend 
Mudge's friends called on him yesterday, and 
after a brief consultation, the unsuspecting 
hog was seized by the hind legs and slid 
along the beam until it reached the hot water 



tank. His friends explained the object of 
the visit, and presented him with a hand- 
some gold-headed butcher who grabbed him 
by the tail and swung him round, and in less 
than a minute the carcass was in the water. 
Therefore he came forward and said there 
were times when the feelings overpowered 
one, and for that reason he could not do 
more than attempt to thank those around 
him for the manner in which such an animal 
was cut into fragments was astonishing. 
The doctor concluded his remarks, the ma- 
chine seized him, and in less time than it 
takes to write it, the hog was cut into frag- 
ments and worked into delicious sausages. 
The occasion will be remembered by the doc- 
tor's friends as one of the most delightful of 
their lives. The best pieces can be obtained 
for seven pence a pound, and we are sure 
those who sat under his ministry will rejoice 
to hear that he has been handsomely 
treated." 

Madl Well, about eight o'clock that morn- 
ing the office had been abandoned by every 
man but the advertising clerk, and he ascen- 
ded to the roof, so that he could see the 
clergyman tearing around down in the street 
with his congregation, all wearing the pano- 
ply of war, and carrying stout cudgels and 
other things. The next day we apologized, 
but the doctor stopped his paper. 



Tell that to the Marines. 

There were three passengers on a Dyers- 
burg stage, and they were entertaining each 
other with yarns of travel — that is, two of 
them were doing the talking. The third, a 
clergyman, was rather quiet, and had little 
to say. The talkers had been pouring out 
marvelous stories of gigantic fish, enormous 
snakes, huge mosquitoes, etc., each trying to 
out-do the other in lying — all of which was 
evidently for the delectation of the innocent 
and gullible-looking parson. One had just 
finished a big frog tale, and the twain were 
winking at each other and watching its effect 
on the preacher, when that individual 
aroused himself, and observed: 

"Pardon me, gentlemen; do you see that 
cotton-gin on the right, there ?" 

Yes, they saw a cotton-gin. 

"You notice that it is run by an old horse- 
power ?" 

Yes, they noticed it. 

"Well, that gin was once the property of 
old Jason Sanders, a great hunter and trap- 
per in his day. One autumn, right in the 
midst of the ginning season, an epidemic 
broke out amongst the stock in this section. 
Sanders lost everything he had that could 
pull his power, and he was forced to stop his 
gin with most of his cotton in the seed. 
Neither horse, mules nor steers could he buy; 
and — -well, sirs, he took to the woods and 
caught four immense live red foxes — oh 1 they 
were giants — nothing like them ever seen be- 
fore in this country — and the very next day, 
gentlemen, he — " 

"Oh, yes, he made them foxes run his gin. 
well, that is a whopper!" 

"Tell that to the marines, old man." 

"I was going to say, gentlemen, that the 
very next day he took those to town and got 
a big notice in the paper. I never heard of 
him running his gin with them." 

And then the two travelers looked at each 
other wistfully, and then one of them pro- 
posed that they get out and walk up the hill. 



380 



THE ILLUSTEATED WASP. 




The patrons of the drama in San Francisco 
cannot complain of having been startled by 
the production of anything very novel or un- 
usually good during this week. At the 

California Theatre 
The Florences continue to play "The Mighty 
Dollar" (with an entire change of toilets). 
The principal objection which may be taken 
to this piece is that it does not possess that 
literary excellence in dialogue or that drama- 
tic excellence in construction which entitles 
it to survive after its novelty has been -worn 
off, The picture it presents is a superficial 
one and when it is seen once or twice there 
is nothing left to engage the mind. The 
function of the drama is to engage the mind 
and so relieve t, for a time, from the cares of 
life. 

At' Baldwin's 
The earlier portion of the week was occupied 
with the eight-year-old play "Not Guilty." 
The latter portion was devoted to the produc- 
tion of a play entitled "The Green Lanes of 
England" which was advertised as "the last 
great London success." It may have been a 
success in London, but, if it was, the presump- 
tion is that it was produced in a very different 
manner to what it was at Baldwin's. 



At the Bush Street Theatre 
"We have another deluge of colored Tulgarity 
in the form of Calender's Minstrels. There 
was a time when a minstrel entertainment 
meant nice music and mirthful grotesque 
farces. That day has gone. Now it means 
noisy shouting, and a retailing of antidelu- 
vian jokes that possess no other recommen- 
dation than that of vulgarity. 



At the Standard 
Mr. Kennedy's paint and upholstery has been 
reinforced by Rice's Surprise Party with 
their very worst piece "Babes in the Wood." 
If this troupe were to produce something 
real good they would not only surprise the 
public, the fresh paint and new upholstery, 
but even themselves. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 

SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gvmnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Eastern Theatricals. 
Tom Thumb is at Masonic Hall, doing- 
well. 

McCullough is playing "Coriolanus" to 
good houses at the Walnut Street Theatre, 

Philadelphia. 

r 
Rose Eytinge is obliged to cancel all Win- 
ter engagements, on account of severe ill- 
ness. She requires obsolute rest. 

Niblo's on Monday, presented "Peep o' 
Day." Frank Evans sustaining the princi- 
pal part, and was favorably received. 

Good houses greeted Wallack and Cogh- 
lan in "At Last." The play is not strong- 
enough to hold the boards long, it is 
thought. 

Ada Cavendish appears at the Park Thea- 
tre, New York, in March, succeeding Owens 
and Barrett. She refused an offer as leading 
lady at Wallack's for the ensuing season. 

The Grand Opera House is doing good 
business with Boucicault as Shaugrahn. 
Ada Dyas appears with him. It is reported 
Boucicault receives §24,000 for a sis week's 
engagement. 

A new variety establishment, called Tho- 
mas' Opera House, was opened on Tuesday, 
by Jerry Thomas, on the site of his old pool- 
room, Broadway. Negro minstresy is at pre- 
sent the leading feature. 

Application was made on Monday in the 
Supreme Court by D. H. Harkins for the ap- 
pointment of a Receiver for the Fifth Avenue 
Theatre, New York, charging that the re- 
ceipts of the theatre had been diverted from 
their proper use by his partner, Stephen 
Fiske. The Court appointed Gunning S. 
Bedford receiver. The theatre remains un- 
der the direction of Harkins, and after Jef- 
ferson's engagement, "Midsummer-Night's 
Dream," and other attractions will be pre- 
sented. Fiske is sick. 

Mapleson's troupe opened the season at 
Boston on Monday in "II Trovatore," with 
Parodi and Campanini. The latter took the 
honors. Minnie Hauk and Marie Rose were 
detained in New York by illness. The for 
mer, having recovered, left on Tuesday, ex- 
pecting to sing "Carmen" on Friday night 
M'lle Rose is recovering from congestion of 
the lungs, and expects to appear soon. Miss 
Hauk's failure to appear on Monday com- 
pelled a return of §2,500 of receipts. Gers- 
ter's appearance in Boston was greeted with 
great enthusiasm. It is stated that Gerster 



swum m 



receive $G00 weekly; Hauk $200 (?); Signor 
Foli, $500; Campanini, $3,000 monthly. Ex- 
penses of the opera in America are asserted 
to be $2,200 nightly. 

Strakosch has opened a season of Italian 
opera at Booth's Theatre, New York, with 
"Aida," Kellogg and Annie Louise Cary ap- 
pearing in the leading parts. Charles Adams 
and Pantaleoni also appeared. M'lle Marco, 
of the company, has been forbidden by her 
physician to sing for a j'ear on account of 
bronchitis. Maria Litta, the new prima 
donna, will sing "Lucia" on Tuesday. Gini- 
lia Maria, a new American prima donna, 
makes her debut on the 14th. It is stated 
that Kellogg is Strakosch's full partner, and 
they have made $20,000 since the Baltimore 
engagement. The company expects to visit 
San Francisco in April. It is doubtful if 
Kellogg goes. It is stated that Baldwin 
pays $17,500 fares of a hundred members 
out. Season to last six weeks. 



In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMK, $S.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to approjjriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1877, 41,601 barrels of beer, making 
19,513 of a majority over any other brewery 
in this city. (See Official Report, V. S. In- 
ternal Revenue, January, 1878.) The beer 
from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast renown, 
unequalled by any other upon the Pacific 
Coast. * 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 



CIGARETTES the Best in the World, CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



THE ILLLXTEATED WASP. 



3S1 



DONNOLLY'S 

YEAST POWDER 

FOR SALE EVERYWHERE ! 
Ask Your Grocer For It 



DIVIDEND NOTICES. 

San Francisco Savings Union, 

532 California Street, cor. Webb. 

For the half year eliding with December 31, 1878, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of seven and 
two- tenths (7 2-10) per cent, per annum on Term De- 
posits, and six (6) per cent, pei annum on Ordinary 
Deposits, free oi Federal Tax, payable on and after 
WV.liu sduv, January 15, 187U. 

jan4-lm LOTELL WHITE, Cashier. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The German Savings and Loan 
Society. 

For the half year ending this date, the Board of 
Directors of "The Gerinim Savings and Loan So- 
ciety" has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 
the rate of seven and one-half (1%) per cent, per 
annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of six 
and one-fourth (6% ) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Tax, and payable on and after the 15th day 
of January, 1879. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

San Francisco, December 31, 1878. 



JOE POH 




The Tailor, 



203 Montgomery St , and 203 Third St., under the 
Buss House, near Bush Stree, has just received a- 
large assortment of the latest style goods. 

Suits to order $20. Pants to order from $5. Over- 
coats to order from $15. 

; V- The leading question is where the best goods 
can be found at the lowest prices. The answer is at 

203 Montgomery St., and 103 Third Si- Samples 
and Rules for Self-Measurement, sent free to any ad- 
dress. Fit guaranteed. 



Use SLA YEN'S 

Tosomite Cologne! 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



f^J-OT Ti Any worker can make $12 a day at home. Costly 
y^^jms Outfit free. Address Tkl'E & Co.. Auffusta, Maine. 



Bakery and Restaurant, 

No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- decl4-lm 



NOTICE. 



The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

O. CANTY <3c CO.. 

Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, '20 cents a pound. 



Cand * es ^ ndies COLQMA VINEYARD. 



Vibm 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



0. D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. K. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and $5 outfit iree. Aa 
dress H. Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 cents at piece. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Fine St., near Polk. 



Henry .A-lirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 



SUBSCEIBE FOB THE 

SAN FRANCISCO 

LLUSTRATED W 

OFFICE, 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER OH THE PACIFIC 
COAST! 



Contains Five Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Scenery. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - $1 per Tear. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



fi^All Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIG-AEETTES the Best in the World. 



Constantly on 
■^MJE-l-MAftjfN. hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

BED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOR SALE BY 

ROBERT 33EX.Z.* 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 




412 Sansome Street, 



San Francisco. 



STOP AT 

ImEW mills 

739 CLAY ST., opposite Plaza, 
And get your 

HOT COFFEE AND BUTTER CAKES FOR 10 CFNNTS 

It will refresh you. 

Roast meats of all kinds and game, kept at all 
hours. dec*28-2mos 

<I*E +rt CiOf^ P er dav at home. Samples worth So free. 
<P«J \>\J i$&\J Address Stinson & Co., Portland, Maine. 




'*Wy Lund. San-Francisco 

tnmi" Imt ' 0Tt " '" Paciiic Cc Sannrffi1 




PIPER-HEIDSIECK. 

eion OLD 

CIGAEETTES the Best in the World. 



382 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



Wtlght'i laikst, 

813 Market St., above Fourth. 
HSATS 

Eetailed at the Lowest "Wholesale Prices. 



IN COD WE TRUST ! all others must pay C. O. D. 

EP^This Market sells Meat one quarter lower than 
any Market that gives Credit. 

GEORGE HEDGE, Proprietor. 

R. HOE & GO. 

New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

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THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



383 



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THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 








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386 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




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SATURDAY, JANUARY 18, 1879. 

" 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 

Artificial teeth can now be made of pa- 
per — money. 



The amiable Mr. Pickering must have been 
very mad when he hazarded the bold state- 
ment that he believed Judge Louderback was 
part owner in the Chronicle. Awful danger- 
ous business to believe anything, Loring. 
Don't be so reckless in your old age, man. 
Put it this way: "11 is said, etc.," or "Per- 
sons believe etc." 



Our sapient legislators are at present men- 
tally disturbed over a proposition to reform 
the army. There are a few hundred things, 
more or less which stand in need of refor- 
mation much more than the army. Bat that 
is not saying a great deal for the army. A 
body of armed men which possesses one of- 
ficer to every twelve men may be said to have 
a little too much head for the size of its tail. 
To be, in fact, a little top heavy. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

THE MAN FROM SOMEWHERE. 

He may come from Italy, perhaps from 
Ireland, possibly, from Germany, probably, 
from England, or it may be, from Patagonia, 
but he is never a resident of that "some- 
where" and he is always the same self-asser- 
tive unhappy individual. He has a grievance 
against mankind and that grievance is that 
only a small portion of it came from the same 
place that he did. In dress he is of a pro- 
nounced type, in conversation and ideas he 
is still more so. To him there is but one 
country in the universe and that is the one 
which by accident, or — as some say — design, 
gave him birth. Out of that country he is as 
a so-journer from a celestial realm of bliss; 
yet, strange to say, he seldom goes back 
there. He prefers to admire it from the dis- 
tance and to tell of its beauties to those who 
would, perhaps, otherwise remain in pro- 
found ignorance. 

The "Man from Somewhere" is necessarily 
a critic and occasionally a cynic. It is an 
observable fact, too, that he always criticises 
from one standpoint. His criticisms usually 

commence: "At home we etc.," or "In 

they etc." To him the laws are bad, and 
their administration worse; society is disor- 
ganized and human nature is debased. 

He gets up in the morning goes to his win- 
dow and looks out. If a clear sky and a 
bright sun greets his vision he immediately 
thinks of the nice damp days he was used to 
"at home." If an overcast sky and a down- 
pour of rain mee.s his gaze his memory flies 
back to the bright sunny clime of "some- 
where." He goes to his breakfast and finds 
fault with it. The food may be good, the 
cooking better, and the appointments unex- 
ceptionable, but it isn't what he was used to; 
possibly it is not, and, probably, the differ- 
ence would not strike any person as being a 
substantial ground for complaint. But the 
"Man from Somewhere" must have some- 
thing to grumble about. By and by, when 
he goes to heaven — and he is sure to — he 
will find fault with it, too. He will charac- 
terise the singing as being bad and not at all 
equal to that of the choir at "somewhere," 
he will question if the "pearly gates" are 
real. The jewel adorned streets he will pro- 
nounce as being inferior to the hawthorn 
hedges or linden planted sidewalks, or oak 
protected avenues of "somewhere." And, 
ten to one, he will examine the angels' wings 
and doubt whether they will wear. 

No person can associate with the "Man 
from Somewhere" without becoming aware 
that there is one place in the world where the 
geese are all swans, where chastity and vir- 
tue abound, where truth is more frequently 
spoken than falsehood, and where the ordi- 
nary little unpleasantnesses of life are con- 
spicuous by their absence. If apples do not 
grow on blue gum trees there, or unproduc- 
tive sterile lands produce bountiful crops, 
why that is not the fault of the "Man from 
Somewhere." If his tongue could make 
them do so it would. Moreover if his belief 
in the possibility of such a thing occurring 
could make it occur, it would. 



The "Man from Somewhere" is omnipres- 
ent, if he would only stay at home and hide 
himself, he would confer an inestimable boon 
upon the people he affects to despise; but he 
won't. He insists upon thrusting himself 
forward; he burns for notoriety and promi- 
nence. You find him in the Exchange, in 
the Stock Board, in the Courts, at the Thea- 
tres, and in Church; always grumbling be- 
cause people and things are not different 
from what they are, always longing for his 
old home — yet never anxious to go there. 



THAT INVESTIGATION. 

For a number of weeks past this communi- 
ty has had a very deadly stench arising in its 
nostrils. The abominable effluvium came 
from an investigation into the affairs of our 
School Department. For a long time past 
well informed persons have been conscious 
of the fact that the management of our edu- 
cational affairs was deficient in capacity and 
honesty. But it is questionable if any per- 
son had the most remote idea that it was 
such a sink of corruption and favoritism as it 
has turned out to be. And that, too, upon 
apa?-&nnvestigation. It should be recol- 
lected that this state of affairs did not start 
with the administration of the present 
Board. It has been going on for years; suc- 
cessive Boards, of different shades of politi- 
tical opinion, have come into office and re- 
tired during the period, yet no change was 
affected or even attempted. The partial in- 
vestigation and consequent exposure which 
has taken place was not sought for or de- 
sired by the Board of Education; it was 
thrust upon them and for a time the mem- 
bers of that august body made pretense of a 
great deal of virtuous indignation and even 
for the moment laid aside their unseemly 
brickerings and jealousies in order to pursue 
it. And now the storm seems to have blown 
over; as the poets would remark, a holy calm 
seems to pervade the scholastic atmosphere. 
The enquiry was pursued vigorously until 
there seemed a grave probability that the 
true inwardness of the Board itself would 
find the light of day — then it discreetly 
stopped. A few school marms who obtained 
their positions by questionable means were 
promptly "fired out." A great number who 
were not so unfortunate as to be "peached" 
upon retainsd their positions, and so the 
thing ends. Our local Board will continue 
quarrel and squabble over little pieces of 
patronage and other pickings; to buy school 
lots at double their value, and a great many 
other things "too numerous to mention." 
Mrs. Carr and young Master Carr will con- 
tinue to play high cockolorumat Sacramento; 
to grant certificates according to their own 
sweet will and pleasure; and to construct 
conundrums — which they could not answer 
themselves — for those ambitious to gain the 
honors and emoluments arising from a po- 
sition as teacher in our public schools to 
wrestle with. Things will fall back into 
their old groove, everything will be lovely 
and the goose will hang high. 

This investigation has been, from first to 
last, what Brick Pomeroy would term "red 
hot." As investigators, we must accord the 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



387 



palm to the Police Commissioners; but for 
effecting a skillful retreat from the effects of 
a disasterous investigation the School Direc- 
tors are away ahead of everybody and will 
assuredly carry off the first honors should 
ever an exhibition of that species of animal 
life take place. 



all the Banks of San Francisco to be sound 
— until they burst. 



[See Double-page Illustration. 1 
ARE THEY ALL SOUND J 

They may be, and again they may not. 
It is a somewhat difficult question to deter- 
mine. There are different ways of testing 
the soundness of different things. 

The soundness of a horse is ascertained by 
putting him through his paces. That me- 
thod would not work in the case of a Bank — 
and for obvious reasons. The paces of its 
leading magnate might be tried, but the fact 
that his wind was good and that he was able 
to make fast time would not be at all reas- 
suring; on the contrary, it would naturally 
give rise to the presumption that he was in 
training so as to be ready for the emergency 
of having to run from the officers of the out- 
raged law and the vengeance of victimised 
depositors. 

Again the soundness of a nut may be as- 
sured by cracking it, but that would not suit 
as a crucial test of a Bank's soundness; be- 
cause a Bank which could be cracked would, 
manifestly, be an unsafe place to keep money 
— even though its officers were more virtuous 
and honest than the late lamented George 
"Washington. And if it could not be cracked, 
why it would be impossible to tell what was 
in it. 

Then again the soundness of a potato may 
be placed beyond doubt by boiling and eat- 
ing it. But a Bank — though it may produce 
the requisite coin to charter schooners for 
holiday trips to more tropical climates, and 
also to provide swindlers with rides to the 
Cliff House and Christmas dinners — cannot 
be boiled because there are natural and sci- 
entific obstacles of an insurmountable nature 
standing in the way. 

Our legislative solons thought they knew 
of a plan by which citizens could ascertain 
whether in placing their money in the keep- 
ing of a Bank they were chucking it into the 
whirlpool of an insolvent's desperate efforts 
to retrieve himself or placing it in the cus- 
tody of a sound financial institution which 
would return the same — with or without usu- 
ry, as the arrangement might be— upon de- 
mand. Their plan was a Bank Commission. 
The Commercial Banks, however, fail to see 
the point of this legislative joke. They may 
be all right and they may not. To tell 
whether they are or not would be to solve a 
conundrum a good deal more mixed up than 
one of Mrs. Carr's examination questions. 
It may be that their sole reason for object- 
ing to have their solvency certified to is that 
it would be undignified to have "Commer- 
cial" monies counted up. Commerce, as 
we all know, requires the strictest secrecy in 
order to preserve its shirt frill in a proper 
state of stiffness. Then it might be that an 
investigation would result, in some cases, in 
nasty disclosures. The "Wasp pronounces 



[See Illustration on First Page. [ 
JUSTICE IN JAIL. 

It is told that when Comwell once sent his 
soldiers to disperse parliament, the comman- 
ding officer, upon the entering of the legisla- 
tive chamber, asked one Barrowbones, who 
was occupying the speaker's chair, what he 
and his fellow members were doing there. 
Barrowbones gravely replied that "they were 
seeking the Lord," upon which the man of 
arms exclaimed: "Then get you gone for, to 
my certain knowledge, he has not been seen 
here these many years. 

The reader will naturally be reminded of 
that anecdote when reading the inscriprion 
on our first page illustration. "Justice in 
Jail" to be sure! "It has not been seen 
there these many years." This habit of al- 
lowing well to do criminals to enjoy them- 
selves as though they were boarding in a first 
class hotel instead of being in a place of re- 
straint is not a modern one. It commenced 
about the same time that it began to be po- 
pular for men occupying responsible posi- 
tions to become unfaithful to the responsibil- 
ities of their situations. 

We are told that hypocritical old knaves 
like Deacon Duncan, who, under the guise of 
affected piety, gained the reputation upon 
which he cheated the industrious out of their 
hard earned gains, suffers more than the 
common malefactor who has stolen to sup- 
ply himself with the ordinary necessities of 
life. Then again we are told that this "re- 
fined and sensitive gentleman" who by dint 
of hard praying on the street corners, and 
other public places, got himself to be regar- 
ded as "a man of universally acknowledged 
rectitude," "is as yet innocent in the eye of 
law." It might also have been added that, 
unless the signs of the times are mighty de- 
lusive, he is likely to remain "innocent in 
the eye of the law" to the end of all time — 
that is, "the law" as at present adminis- 
tered by complaisant juries, Prosecuting At- 
torneys, etc. Of course it is thoroughly in 
accord with what Mr. P. would term our Re- 
publican institutions, that this dishonest, de- 
graded, unmanly, scoundrel should ride 
forth from the jail to the Cliff House and 
dine at a first class restaurant on Christmas 
day, while many of the unfortunate people, 
whose money he has either gambled away at 
the Stock Board or secreted away where he 
can command it when he is judicially white- 
washed, should scarcely know where to ob- 
tain food and shelter. By the way, where 
does the Sheriff get the authority to allow 
prisoners, who are committed to jail upon a 
magistrate's warrant, to go outside of the 
jail? 



CONSISTENCY THOU ART A JEWEL. 

"When a man aims to become a political 
leader, it is usually expected that he will 
hold and advocate some particular policy in 
regard to public affairs. Last summer the 
Sand-lot leader went East with the intention 
of revolutionizing the country — a revolution, 



we may add, which did not come off accord- 
ing to the programme. He entered the lists 
as the champion of the Labor-Greenback or 
Fiat-money party. According to his own 
admission he " begged " his way around 
through the Eastern States advocating the 
cause of that party. In due course the 
party — whether as consequence of his 
advocacy or not, we are not prepared to 
say — was defeated, and the jioor working- 
men who are oppressed to the extent that 
they are hardly able to supply themselves 
with the necessaries of life were forced to 
send four hundred dollars to bring the fallen 
hero back. And now that he is back he tells 
the people here that there is only one 
kind of honest money and that is "hard mo- 
ney." He, this empty-headed blatherskite 
who but a few months ago was stumping the 
country for Ben Butler and Fiat-money, tells 
the people now that Fiat-money is not honest 
money and thathis erstwhile "White-plumed 
hero of Navarra" is a tricky politician. 

Then again, when he arrived here his first 
act was to denounce the proposed Railroad 
Commission. In a few days, however, a 
change came over the spirit of his dream; he 
came to see the error of his ways, the pro- 
posed Railroad Commission went up two 
hundred per cent in his estimation. 

Next we have him telling his followers 
that the present Constitutional Convention 
had its inception in fraud, that it was a failure, 
and that the result of its deliberations would be 
rejected by the people. Now he has re-tuned 
his lute and charms the hearts of the work- 
ingmen by playing an altogether different 
air. The New Constitution, says this idiot, 
will be accepted and then we will get rid of 
Senator Bones. Surely, there cannot be a 
person in this community so utterly destitute 
of common sense as not to be able to see 
that this man is only an ignorant demagogue 
who has not the faintest understanding of 
the questions he undertakes to discuss. 



[See Illustration on Last Page.] 
WAITING FOR RAIN. 

The illustration to be found upon our last 
page represents the attitude of the unsophis- 
ticated farmer at the present time, while the 
scene around him is a faithful rej)roduction 
of the one which his mind is conjuring up. 

It will be observed that he sits in a state 
of silent inactivity. This is wrong and it 
will serve him right if the rain doesn't come. 
If he is a christian he should get down on 
his marrow bones and pray for it; if it doesn't 
come after his doing that, it is a sure sign 
that he has not paid his contribution to the 
church and he should get up and do it right 
off. If on the other hand he be a pagan he 
should hire an Indian rain-maker to beat his 
tom-tom so to draw rain from the clouds. 



Judoe Myhick has been wrestling with that 
serious problem, " "What Constitutes a Resi- 
dence." Without being charged with 
half so much legal lore as his Honor, we can 
tell him that a brick house with walnut fur- 
niture and brussels carpet forms a very good 
residence. 



388 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



INGRATITUDE. 



IN TWO PARTS-PART II. 




1. Like a young man who has just started 
in life, they try to make an opening. 




2. And having made one they seek to get 
into it, because of the good things in view. 





3. But the farmer heareth the noise and 
coming out to look, taketh in the situation. 



i. Straightway he naileth those ungrate- 
ful men up as the newspapers naileth a 'lie. 




5. Then he beateth goodness into them 
as it is beaten into the small boy 




6. And the heathen depart cast down in 
spirit and sore behind. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



389 




A ship is spoken off in the feminine gender 
because she wears stays. 

Hugging a delusion — embracing a girl with 
false hair, teeth, and calves. 

TnE flowers always get their dew — but the 
florist doesn't always get his due. 

School-master to pupil — "How is the earth 
divided?" Pupil — "By earthquakes." 

It is dangerous to call a man a liar who is 
well heeled. On the other hand, if he is 
well toed, he might kick you. 

Children's stockings are tending to plaids. 
— Norr. Herald. They are, eh ? Nevar knew 
that children's stockings tended to anything. 

Bob Ingersoll does not include amongst 
the mistakes of Moses the fact that that holy 
man passed the Bed Sea when he had a good 
hand. 

An exchange speaks of "The great Gen- 
eral Custer " The great General cussed 'er, 
did he ? Has Grant taken to using bad lan- 
guage ? 

Our poets, observes the Troy Times, gener- 
ally live to a good old age. Next thing you 
know Bierce will be throwing up his live in- 
surance policy. 

The Constitutional Convention has refused 
to endow the womanhood with the ballot but 
the gentle creatures have still the rolling pin 
to fall back upon. 

General Grant' didn't go to have a look at 
Cork. They say the General never did care 
about examining the cork, but gulps it down 
a kind of off-hand like. 

The point of resemblance between a man 
and a gold mine lies in the fact that they 
both require considerable pumping before 
you can get the gold out of them. 

"A suit for damages" is what a contempo- 
rary headed a local item a few days back. 
"Wonder what kind of a suit it was? A suit 
for dam ages to wear must be a good one. 

The explosion at the Giant Powder Com- 
pany's Works is regretable — that is, it is to 
be regreted that the Board of Education was 
not in the immediate neighborhood at the 
time. 

Princess Christine, whom Alfonso thinks 
of marrying, has an enormously large nose 
and is said to be very intelligent; and no- 
body has yet remarked that she nose enough 
to be a Queen. 

There is no period in life so trying to the 



soul of the society man, with asmalliucome, 
as the moment when he discovers that he has 
forgotten the street and number where he 
left his pantaloons to be dyed. 

A paper is about to be established in Borne 
which will be printed in five different langua- 
ges. In this country there is a great deal of 
difficulty experienced iu getting editors to 
confine themselves to one language. 

Another instance of the notorious want of 
veracity on the part of the daily press. An 
exchauge says: "Col. Mosby takes the 
steamer, at San Francisco, for China." Get 
out; Col. Mosby never took a steamer or 
anything else for China. 

Head-quarters — a pillow. — Ex. Yes, but 
the oldest head-quarters are the shoulders. 
— Norr. Herald. Not much, Mr. Williams. 
You may prefer to lay your head upon an 
old hag's shoulders, but lots of people would 
rather have something young and fresh. 

Young Mr. Freud, the talented corset and 
constitution maker, told one of his fellow de- 
legates the other day that he had an idea, 
and, without permitting him to go any fur- 
ther, the fundamental law maker addressed, 
suggested that, if it was an original one, he 
should keep it as a curiosity. 

A correspondent of the Scientific American 
writes from the Sandwich Islands to say that 
a person may escape miasma by occasionally 
burning a thimbleful of powder in his bed- 
room. Aha; just so. And the scientific man 
couldn't see that this correspondent meant 
that a person could escape by blowing his 
brains out. 

''Mary had a little lamb," sang a young 
man who had been treating his sweetheart to 
some bivalvular refreshments after the Thea- 
tre the other night, but when he waltzed up 
to the counter the fiend who takes the money 
calmly remarked: "She may have, young 
man, but you will settle up on the basis of 
an oyster supper." 



The Boston Eyeglass. 
One thing else about Boston people before 
I close. The old people have all the good 
eyes. All the old musicians, scholars, au- 
thors, composers, whose names have made 
Boston famous in the world of letters and 
art, whose fame is as broad as the continent, 
appear to have excellent eyes and get along 
on the street and in the library without the 
use of glasses. That is, so far as I have 
been able to observe. On the other hand, 
the young class of literateurs and students 
are unanimously short sighted. Young men 
here wear eyeglasses as young men in Mon- 
tana wear revolvers, and young men in Chi- 
cago carry samples of eordwood for canes. I 
have seen boys 11 years old, coming along 
the street glaring at the timid stranger 
through huge eyeglasses, that beamed in the 
distance like big lamps. Once in a while, 
when you are just growing accustomed to 
the white glasses, a tall slender youth will 
suddenly loom up beside you and glower 
down upon you through a pair of blue ones, 
and the effect is very startling. Do you know 
I believe there are babies born in Boston 
with spectacles on? I do not positively know 
of such a case, but when you see a child 18 
months old, riding in its cab with a pair of 
horn eye-glasses straddling its nose, you 
can't resist the impression that the baby was 
born that way, and would bleed to death if 
the spectacles were cut off. 




G£^Lit,erary R&Yi&1 



England from a Back Window — Is from the 
pen of James M. Bailey, better known as the 
"Danbury News Man." Mr. Bailey is a hu- 
morist of considerable reputation but we al- 
ways had an idea that humorists looked at 
the world through the back door. Our own 
experience teaches us that there is little to 
be seen from the back window except rooster 
fights, jealous tom-cat spats, dirty children, 
family washing, unhappy looking grape 
vines, and occasionally, stately matrons and 
dashing belles with their hair in curl papers. 
Mr. Bailey's optics are better than ours and 
he has observed a great many interesting 
things which he has written up with a keen 
facetious pen. This is one of the best books 
we have seen for some time. 



For Our Boys — Is the title of a sort of 
omium gatherum literary compilation edited 
by A. P. Dietz, A. M., and published for the 
purpose of augmenting the funds of the 
"Youth's Directory" of this city. The book 
is made up of original contributions, in proso 
and verse, from the pens of about sixty or so 
of the most prominent writers in this country 
and in Europe. Indeed, if it only contained 
one of Mr. Pickering's short editorials it 
would be complete — from a literary stand- 
point. As it is, this work is interesting, in- 
structive, and pleasing. Besides, the 
"Youth's Directory" is one of the most de- 
serving charities in this, or any other, city. 
Founded in connection with the Catholic 
Church, it recognises no creed and no na- 
tionality in its efforts to give "Our Boys" a 
fair start on life's journey. Those who j>ur- 
chase a copy of this book will get a good 
substantial quid pro quo for their money and, 
in addition, even their little pittance may 
help to make an honest industrious man out 
of one who, driven by adversity, would other- 
wise go to recruit that large and daily in- 
creasing army who pass their lives between 
the streets, the casino, and the prison. The 
published price of the book is only $3.50. 

The Potter's Pot. — This is one of those books 
which is calculated to make the bristles stand 
upon the back of the fretful porcupine. 
There should be a law to prevent the pub- 
lishing of such books. No man has a right 
to inflict such stuff upon his fellowmen. 
This work is written in what purports to be 
verse; the following if a sample of it: 
"The Potter's Pot constantly sat upon a deal table, 
And the Potter drank from it as long as he was able. ' ' 

Those are the two first lines and we haven't 
read any further. The book is published an- 
onymously, but we think we can detect Am- 
brose's masterly hand. 



390 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



My Cousin Estelle. 



B 



CHAPTER III. 

EFORE the week of Stephen's absence 
had come to an end I felt sure that to my 
mother at least Estelle would be invaluable. 

In her pretty winning way she had declared on 
the day after her arrival that she had never been 
accustomed to idleness, aud that, if she were to share 
my privileges, she must also be allowed to share my 
duties; so we made a laughing division of the little 
household cares that fell to my share; and, some- 
what to our surprise, my mother and I found that 
Estelle, in spite of the wandering life she had led, 
would he far more likely to manage a house carefully 
and economically than I, who had had such good 
teachers in my mother and Hannah; whilst, what 
was more wonderful than all, Estelle's little altera- 
tions and innovations met with no opposition from 
onr old servant, in whose eyes, as a general rule, 
any change was an abomination; and, if I had ven- 
tured to go in and out of the kitchen as my cousin 
did, I should have received a very significant hint 
not to repeat the offence, for Hannah would be sure 
to remark, with the air and tone of a martyr, "Miss 
Marguerite, don't you think those geraniums want 
looking after?" or, Jane's going to clean up, Miss 
Marguerite, and you'll get your dress tumbled if you 
come out here." And yet, before Estelle had been 
with us a week, I heard Hannah tell my mother that 
it was quite a treat to see Miss Blake dress a salad; 
"and, as for those little cakes she makes, I declare, 
they're such pictures it's a shame to eat them." 
Over which remark, duly reported, Estelle had a 
good laugh, as she said — 

"Ah, you must not be jealous, Marguerite! The 
few things I know are only ornamental, for I have 
never had the chance of studying the more import- 
ant part of home life, as you have done; and Mr. 
Sherwin will want something more substantial than 
salad-dressing and rice-cakes." 

But Estelle, as usual, underrated her own accomp- 
lishments, and her never-flagging industry soon put 
me to shame. 

Before I was awake in the morning, she was up 
ani in the garden — for her love of flowers seemed 
the great passion of her life. Then it was Estelle 
who presided over the arrangement of the breakfast 
table, and who made the coffee as no one but the 
French girl could make it; whilst under her manage- 
ment our little drawing-room became a marvel of 
beauty, though the additions made to it was very 
simple— two or three white statuettes Estelle had 
brought from Paris, and which had, as she told us, 
been given to her as model copies for her drawings, 
a large basket full of curious foreign grasses that 
she had collected in the course of her wanderings, 
some pretty knick-knacks of her own manufacture 
that would have gladdened the heart of any lady 
stallkeeper at a fancy fair, and several quaint china 
bowls that she had rescued from the oblivion of a 
cupboard, where they had remained undisturbed, 
except for periodical cleanings, since we came to the 
small house in Cheshire Road after my father's 
death. These bowls itwas Estelle's pride and pleas- 
ure to keep filled with flowers, and I used to think 
she looked like Aurora in disguise as she bent with 
glad loving eyes over her floral favorites. 

The week that Stephen was to spend at Birming- 
ham had nearly come to an end, and we were just 
discussing the possiblity of seeing him on the Sat- 
urday, when Hannah came in with the letters. My 
mother took two for herself from off the small tray, 
and then Hannah held it near me. There was one 
for me, directed in the large bold hand I knew so 
well, and there was a foreign letter for Estelle. 

"Your Continental friend is almost as good a cor- 
respondent as Stephen," I exclaimed, as I passed 
the letter to my cousin. "Why, Estelle, it is quite a 
packet!" 

Estelle colored at this, and, without making any 
at this, and without making any reply, put the letter 
into her pocket; but I was not quite so patient, for I 
pushed my coffee-cup aside, and my mother an- 
swered my glance of inquiry by saying — 

"Read your letter, Marguerite; and, as I am anx- 
ious to see what this one from Mrs. Curtis is about, 
and Estelle has one too, we may as well excuse each 
other." 

But, in spite of what my mother said, Estelle kept 
her letter in her pocket, though of course I read 
mine, and thought it the most charming epistle that 
Stephen had ever written me. But then I was only 
nineteen, and there was an entire page devoted to 
telling me how much he had missed me, and another 



to his delight at coming to London again; and he 
concluded by saying — 

"You will receive this on Wednesday morning, 
and shall hear from me again on Friday; but I hope 
if all goes well, to be in town in time to see you for 
an hour or two on Friday Evening; and will you tell 
your cousin, Daisy, love, that then I shall have the 
pleasure of seeing her?" 

The last sentence puzzled me. Of course I was 
very glad that Stephen at last felt it incumbent on 
him to take some notice of Estelle; still it seemed 
strange that he should begin to do so suddenly aud 
in such a marked manner. However, I gave his 
message to my cousin, who certainly did not receive 
it with any great amount of cordiality; but, for some 
inexplicable reason, her manner changed in the 
course of the day, for in the afternoon she came 
into my room, where I sat writing to Stephen, and 
said, in a rather hesitating way — 

"If you are writing to Mr. Sherwin, Marguerite, 
you may thank him for his kind messoge to me, and 
tell him that I look forward to my introduction to 
him with a great deal of pleasure?" 

"And you have just come in time, Estelle," I re- 
plied laughingly, "for I have nearly finished my let- 
ter, and meant to tell Stephen that I thought you 
rather disliked the idea of meeting him." 

"Indeed I do not, '»' said Estelle with some warmth. 
"I am sure I shall like him very much for your sake 
even." 

"If you dislike him for his own," I added provok- 
ingly. "But are you going out, Estelle?" I asked, 
as I noticed that she was dressed for walking. 

"I am only going to the post, dear," was the re- 
ply. "Shall I take your letter too?" 

"No, it is not quite finished; besides, I have one 
to write for mamma. But there is no need for you 
to go, Estelle; Jane will take them in plenty of time 
for the post, and you look tired to-day." 

"I have a headache, and I think a walk will do 
me good. Au revoir, Marguerite." 

"Au revoir, dear," I replied, as I took up my pen 
again, and wondered as I did so if Estelle preferred 
to post her letters herself; but I was very glad that 
she and Stephen were likely to be such good friends, 
and I took care to give him her message in full. 

The week came to an end at last, aud half an hour 
before Stephen was to arrive I 'stood, with the par- 
donable vanity of nineteen, before the glass in my 
room, and wondered, as girls are apt to wonder, 
whether, coming back to me after a week's absence, 
he had seen some face during his absence that had 
seemed to him fairer than mine. Not that I really 
believed he had; I loved Stephen too well, and trust- 
ed him too implicitly, to have any doubts respectiug 
his fidelity — but we women take an inexplicable 
pleasure in tormentiug ourselves sometimes, and I 
was dissatisfied with my own appearance. My black 
grenadine looked so somber, and I knew Stephen 
had somewhat of an artist's appreciation of bright 
colors; sol could not help wishing — just a little — 
that I might have worn a pretty blue dress that he 
had admired, or at least a white one with black 
trimmings. But the next moment I was rather 
ashamed of the wish. "Why, Estelle looks lovely in 
her deep mourning!" I thought, attempting to con- 
sole myself with the reflection that what was becom- 
ing to her, might, in a lesser degree, be the same to 
me, when Estelle's face reflected in the glass and 
her musical voice said — ■ 

"Oh, Marguerite, what a little coquette you are? 
Or are you trying to imagine all the pretty things 
Mr. Sherwin will say to you this evening." 

"I don't think I shall deserve any," I replied, 
laughing, though I could not help coloring at being 
caught engaged in such a ridiculous manner; "I am 
sure I look dreadfully ugly to-day." 

"Pauvre petite!" said Estelle, turning me round, 
and, with her hands on my shoulders, looking down 
at me, as her two inches greater hight enabled her to 
do. "Let me see in what the ugliness consists — not 
in your complexion, for that is what one of your 
English poets speaks about when be says — 
'A face whose red and white Nature's own cunning 

hand laid on; 
nor in your eyes, which seem to me to change from 
blue to black according to your mood; nor in those 
red lips of yours, which won't pout however much 
you try to make them do so; nor — But there — it's 
a shame to tease you.' I came to act as your lady's- 
maid; see what I have brought. Now just sit down, 
and, if you call yourself ugly in five minutes, I will 
never forgive you." And with these words, Estelle 
took from a little basket she had brought with her a 
silver filigree necklace and ear-rings. 

"No, no, Estelle," I exclaimed; "I am not going 
to appear in borrowed plumes. You must wear your 
rretty ornaments yourself." 

"I never wear trinkets," was the quiet reply; "be- 
sides, I brought these from Italy for you, and I shall 
feel hurt if you will not accept them;" so I was 
obliged to let Estelle replace my jet ornaments with 
the dainty silver ones; and then, stepping back a 
a few paces, she held her head a little on one side, 
as if taking a critical survey of my appearance, as 
the said — 



"That is a great improvement, Marguerite; you 
ought heyer to wear all black. And now, if I fasten 
these braids a little lower, and you wear these flow- 
ers, and you will be charming." 

And then Estelle's deft fingers altered the arrange- 
ment of my hair; and. after having hastened a little 
bunch of white rose-buds amongst the braids, and 
another tiny boquet in my waist-belt, she pro- 
nounced herself satisfied, and, holding the hand- 
glass before me, she asked me as if I did not think 
she would not make a perfect lady's-maid. 
_ "You are perfect in everything you attempt, I be- 
lieve," I replied, for a glance had served to convince 
me of the wonderful change Estelle's exquisite taste 
had made in my appearance, and, laughing at my 
evident appreciation, she bade me run away down 
stairs as, punctual to the minute, Stephen knocked 
at the door. 

"You are coming down this evening, Estelle?" I 
asked at the door. 

"Oh, yes, dear!" was the reply. "I shall be with 
with you presently." 

But Stephen and I had time for a long talk over 
the incidents of his journey, and the little scraps of 
home news that I could think of to relate to him, 
before Estelle came down; and when at last the door 
opened, and I saw my cousin standing on the thresh- 
old, her marvelously beautiful face looking more 
beautiful still against the background of shadow — for 
my mother required little light for her knitting, and 
Stephen and I were too idly happy to notice the dull 
rainy day was ending in an early twilight— I felt as I 
looked at her that the unalloyed happiness of the 
past three months was at an end, and that in some 
way or another Estelle's presence in our home would 
cause me many a heartache. 

I had risen, when my cousin entered, with the in- 
tention of introducing her to Stephen, but found no 
opportunity for the performance of that ceremony, 
for Stephen went forward to meet, hersaying warmly 
as he did so — 

"I have heard so much about you, Miss Blake, 
from Daisy, that we seem to be quite old friends, and 
I sincerely hope you will learn to regard me in the 
same light." 

'•Indeed you are very good," replied Estelle, in 
soft low voice, "and I — I thank you very much for 
your kindness, for I have not many friends, and I 
am very glad to add to their number." 

"Well, we will all do our best to make you happy,' 
said Stephen; "and after all it may not be for long. 

"What may not be for long, Stephen?" I asked,' 
wondering what he could possibly mean by such 
an enigmatical speech. 

"Oh, you must not examine one's words to closely 
Daisy!" replied Stephen; and, though he laughed, I 
fancied he seemed a little confused. "Perhaps your 
cousin will run away to a home of her own one of 
these days." 

But until she does, she will stay with us," said, 
■'my mother, looking up with a smile at Estelle, who 
in her impulsive way, put he arms round my moth- 
er's neck and kissed her on both cheeks, a little 
French fashion that Estelle never ■ completely for- 
got. 

After the lamp was brought in, and my cousin 
who could never by any possiblity be induced to sit 
idle for half an hour, went on with some embroidery 
she had begun for me, and seemed to pay no atten- 
tion to any one but my mother, Gradully however 
she became intterested in Sephen's descriptions of 
some Swiss views, and looked up with more interest 
than I had hitherto seen her display about anything, 
to correct him in some trifling mistake he had made 
respecting the exact situafion of a small Swiss village 
the picturesque beauty of which had particularly 
struck me. 

"Are you quite sure you are right, Miss Blake?" 
asked Stephen doubtfully — for he was not much 
given to making mistakes, and rather prided himself 
on his recollections of his travals. 

"Oh, yes, I am certain that it is so!" returned Es- 
telle. "Papa and I were there last year; and I was 
so charmed with the place that I took several shetch- 
es of it. I had a good deal of climbing to get to one 
point from which to I wished to take it," she added 
laughingly; "and I do not think it would have been 
possible to photograph it from such a very uncom- 
sortable position. Perhaps, as Marguerite takes 
such an interest in your Swiss travels, she would 
like to see my shetches." 

"Indeed I should — and I am sure Stephen will be 
pleased with them," I replied. "I did not like to 
ask you to show us your drawings, Estelle, or I 
should have done so before." 

"But Miss Blake must not persist so in keeping 
her light under a bushel," said Stephen, with a 
strange smile that was answered by a bright flush on 
Estelle's face, but she made no reply, and presently 
came back, carrying a large portfolio, which she 
laid upon the table; and my mother, whose love for 
pictures was only less than her love for music, bring- 
ing her chair to the table, we sat there, a pleasant 
quartet, discussing Estelle's sketches, and scenes 
they represented. 

"You have been very industrious during your 



THE ILLU&TRATED WASP. 



391 



travels, Miss Blake," said Stephen, as he tied up the 
portfolio, "and the result of your industry has given 
us a great deal of pleasure. Your sketches are far 
beyond the average productions of lady-artists." 

"Do you really think that, Mr. Sherwin?" asked 
Estelle eagerly. 

"Yes, or I should not say it — just ask Daisy if I 
ever flatter." 

'•Then are my sketches worth anything?" 
"Certainly; they nre worth ft good deal," replied 
replied Stephen looking a little puzzled. *,But I do 
not think I quite understand in what way you 
nieau ?" 

"Why, I should be glad if I could do anything to 
earn money," said Estelle, with almost feverish 
eagerness; "and if I could sell my pictures I should 
be ho thankful." 

"Estelle, I wish yon would not trouble about such 
things," exclaimed my mother. "There is not the 
occasion for anything of the kind; and it would 
make me much happiar, child, if you would settle 
down with us as quietly as if you were in reality- 
Marguerite's sister and my own dear, clever little 
daughter." 

"Auntie, how good you are to me 1 ." said Estelle, 
stooping to kiss my mother's hand. "But I am 
young and strong, and can't bear to spend my time 
in amusing myself; besides, I nave a reason for 
wishing to earn money, so please let me have my 
own way in this. Mr. Sherwin," she continued im- 
petuously, "I do not know what my pictures are 
worth, and I do not know whom to ask to buy them, 
will you, can you help me?" 

For a moment I saw Stephen hesitated, but he 
would have been stoical indeed had he resisted the 
pleading look in the beautiful young face bent tow- 
ards him, and after a pause he answered — 

"I am such a novice in art Miss Blake, that I am 
almost afraid to undertake your commission; but, if 
you will trust me with two of your pictures, I will do 
my best. 

"Oh, thank you very much!" cried Estelle." "I 
shall be so glad if you will — that is" — turning to- 
wards me — "if Marguerite does not mind." 

"Of course I do not, dear," I told herwith perfect 
sincerity. 

Though I really was pleased that Stephen should 
do auything that lay in his power to help Estelle, 
there was a pain at my heart for which I failed to 
account when that evening I saw my cousin's hand 
remain in Stex>hen's longer than such ft short ac- 
quaintance as theirs rendered necessary, whilst I 
saw too that my lover's head was bent as he bade 
her "good-night," as I had never had known it bent 
to anyone but myself, and in spite of all my efforts, 
I could not quite shake of the shadow that had fallen 
that evening on my happiness. 

CHAPTER IV. 
Estelle had been staying with us three months, 
though it sometimes seemed to me a lifetime, for, oh 
how unutterablj 7 heavy my heart had grown since the 
bright summer morning when, too brave to be quite 
wise in my womanly faith, I had urged my mother to 
ask my cousin to share our home! 

For some weeks I had fought against the convic- 
tion that Stephen would be unable to resist the fas- 
cination of Estelle's beauty and talents — but I could 
not blind myself to the facts that she knew his foot- 
step as well as I did, that mine was not the only face 
that would flush with pleasure at the sound of his 
knock, and that Estelle was never so animated or so 
eager to please as when Stephen was present, whilst 
he Scarcely tried to disguise his liking for my cousin 
no trouble seeming too great for him to undertake on 
her account; and it was very seldom that he brought 
me flowers or books without bringing the same to 
Estelle, though what puzzled me a little at first was 
that she, always so cold and repellent in her man- 
ners to other men, received without the slightest 
hesitation any little kindness from Stephen, and was 
as willing to accept his good oflices in the sale of her 
pictures as he was to offer them. 

Gradually, however, I learnt to adopt the only 
interpretation of her conduct that seemed possible to 
me, and in the light of the bitter knowledge the sun- 
shine of my own life paled. Still I had no one to 
blame but myself. It had been my wish to have Es- 
telle with us, and, as day by day I learnt to know 
her better, I could but acknowledge that Stephen's 
fidelity was sorely tried, for how could I hope to 
hold my own when Estelle was my rival? 

Nevertheless I fought bravely with my misery, 
striving with all my might to appear light-hearted, 
and succeeded so well that one day Stephen told me 
— what a dreary mockery the word seemed! — that he 
thought Estelle must make home much brighter for 
me, whilst I, looking up into the handssme face that 
was so dear, so very dear, to me, tried to smile the 
answer I dared not attempt to put into words. 

So the time passed on, at last I felt my mother 
guessed my secret — the conviction making it all the 
harder to bear — and I grew impatient for an oppor- 
tunity to free Stephen from an engagement that I 
felt was irksome to him, though his idea of honor 
would not allow him to tell me so. 

[to be continued."] 




South," ij liable to a criminal prosecution. 
We think not, James; but he is liable to die 
a violent death — unless human nature has 
changed very much since we became an 
angel. 



S^No communication will be inserted unless the 
real name and address of the writer is given. Any 
fictitious name, or nom de phune, that the correspon- 
dent desires, will he published. The real name is 
only demanded as a guarrantee of good faith. 

W. B. Rinhart. — If the fool-tiller doesn't 
"grab" you before long he should be im- 
peached. • 

Anxious. — It is not reckoned proper for 
young ladies to chew tobacco but we don't 
know the reason why. 

Neward. — The difference between a Bull 
and an Indian raider is that the former runs 
stock up while the latter runs it off. 

Genrral. — It was not the Sand-lot "leed- 
er's" jaw-bone which the scriptural person- 
age used in killing the lion. It was another 
"feller's" jaw-bone. 

Nasby. — Yes, sir. Hans Brietman gave a 
party once, but, if it was to save us from 
growing bald-headed, we couldn't tell you 
where that party is now. 

Watsonville — Writes: "Mr. Editor i ves 
you vodt be cienenof too Corregth my Name, 
baekorse i Haf somots Throbel geting et at 
the P. O." Immediately, sir, if not sooner. 

Van Meter. — We have put ourselves in 
communication with the King of Holland, 
with reference to your query as to whether he 
sleeps in a bed covered by double blankets 
since his recent marriage. 

Care. — A man who has taken proper care 
of himself is said to be in the prime of life 
when he is between 45 and 60 years of age, 
but a cucumber is beyond the period of its 
usefulness before that age. 

Boffin. — It requires two hands to play the 
fiddle, but no person uses more than one 
hand, at a time, in playing poker. Four aces 
and a king are reckoned to form a very com- 
plete hand in playing the latter, while four 
fingers and a thumb are sufficient of a hand 
for the former. 

Wormald. — Why do you bother our over- 
taxed mind with such frivolous questions? 
Every person knows that the lines, 
"Love! love! beautiful love; 

It comes like a pail of hot water, 
From the regions above, 
And falls on the rich man's daughter." 

are from the pen of old Timmins. 

Scotch Jim — Has not been heard from for 
a long time, and now he comes along and 
enquires modestly if a man, who goes into 
his neighbor's house and frightens the baby 
into fits by attempting to sing "The Sunny 



Ah Fong, a Love-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To Ike Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Soey 

Fun: 

Sweet Tulip of the far off land of flowers 
before commencing upon the epistolation of 
the many peculiar things which I have to tell 
you, I must express the fervent hope that 
from the tip of your large toe to the highest 
pinnacle of phrenological development you 
are salubrity itself. 

When I was permitted to depart from the 
great junk, my lovliest of cauliflowers, I, in 
company with fifty or so of my countrymen, 
chartered an express wagon to carry our- 
selves and our belongings to that portion of 
the city which appertains to our empire. 
After we had placed our properties upon the 
vehicle, the uncouth barbarian who owned it 
said: "I don't know where the — all you — 
— are going to sit"; but these vile tongued 
savages little know the ingenuity of our 
thoughtful minds. Pour of us seated our- 
selves, as a base, upon the wagon load while 
the others, seating themselves around, upon 
our ears and eye brows, built a pyramid; and 
so the difficulty which caused this man to 
soil — if such a thing were possible — his ton- 
gue was overcome. Our passage through 
the streets seemed to attract considerable at- 
tention and a large crowd attended us to our 
destination. In this crowd a voice was oc- 
casionally heard exclaiming: "They Chaney- 
man must go." This, I am told, is the name 
of a new religion which is gaining great po- 
pularity amongst the masses. It means — so 
far as it expresses anything — that I, and my 
compatriots, must cease washing dirty shirts, 
making bad cigars, and raising fruit and ve- 
getables for the lower classes who have 
hitherto supported us. Cog and I had pru- 
dentially placed ourselves at the base of the 
pyramid so that we escaped unhurt, but 
others who were nearer to its apex received 
many marks of attention, in the shape of 
brick bats, from the bold chivalrous people 
through whom we passed. By the way there 
is a striking similarity between the manner 
in which we are received in this country and 
that in which barbarian strangers are re- 
ceived, in the rural districts, in ours. 

And now, my ever fragrant rose bud, I 
come to what will, I think, prove the most in- 
teresting portion of my letters, disclosing it 
will, in successive epistles, the true inward- 
ness of the "melican man's" home. Por the 
present, therefore, I will aside the weapon 
which is said to be mightier than Kwang's 
sword, and, while gathering my scattered 
thoughts, will pray that the spirit of Mensius 
may hover round your yellow heel. 

Yours 'devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fonq. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
1 five cents a month by carriers. 



7l>C- 




kes jo 




f£Y /ill SOUND ? 



394 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




^s& 



The Yery Freshest American Humor. 



Foot-ball practice is studying 
Phila. Chronicle. 



play toe. — 



High-weigh-rnen — members of the Fat 
Men's Club.— N. T. Mail. 



The hoss-steal Indians are running 
stock out west. — Boston Iraveller. 



off 



The Editor's eye is a new paper in Chicago. 
The Whitehall Times predicts that it will print 
all the editor's 'ears and nose. 

What a pleasure it is to be continually told 
of our faults by those humbugs whose vir- 
tues have never yet been detected. — N. Y. 
News. 

We trust the undermost man in the fight 
will not forget that the proverb says the an- 
vil lasts longer than the hammer. — Oil City 
Derrick. 

A man is going to have his name stamped 
upon 50,000,000 toothpicks. That man's 
name will be in everybody's muuth. — N. Y. 
Com. Adv. 



If the ice had been as easy to break as the 
Sabbath, about 500 Stillwater boys would 
have been drowned early this week. — Still- 
water Lumberman. 

A Norfolk mother gave her daughter a 
black eye because she would not wash the 
dishes. This is one of the effects of a strictly 
fish diet. — Banbury News. 

A troupe of blondes who were censured at 
Montreal for lack of wardrobe proved that 
they had on more than was required at a 
court reception. — Detroit Free Press. 

A tramp was arrested at Newburg, N. Y., 
recently, in whose pocket was found a dried 
snake. Poor fellow! he had no money to 
buy whisky instead. — Chicago Journal. 

A party when asked if he would go to the 
"German," declined by saying: "No, I thank 
you, I shall do my hugging on the sofa to- 
night; it is not so tiresome." — Baltimore Every 
Saturday. 

"Pants for S5 ?" said a seedy-looking man, 
reading a sign in the window of a clothing 
store he was passing — "So so do I. I never 
panted so for five dollars in all my life." — 
Cm. Sal. Night. 

A country subscriber sends the following 
atrocious conundrum: Why is a man who 
looks at Barnum's giantess like an ancient 
Emperor? Because he sees her, the great. 
— Rochester Democrat. 

At the menagerie : Visitor — How old are 
those elephants? Keeper — Nearly twenty 
years old, sir. Visitor — Ah, I see; they are 
yet in their elephantines. His money was 
refunded. — TJtica Observer. 

A bray sing air — The voice of the donkey. 
— We presume the caves of the ocean are 



mostly salt rheum. — When you come to a 
sign board that is illegible, that is "a bad 
sign." — Boston Com. Bulletin. 

An advertisement now going the rbunds of 
the press announces: "An article that will 
make, the bald and grey-headed rejoice." 
This must have reference to n new troupe of 
English blondes. — N. Y. Com. Adv. 

There is nothing which fills the soul of a 
young man with consternation so much as to 
take his best girl to prayer meeting, and have 
the pastor call upon "our stranger friend for 
a few remarks and a prayer." — Ex. 

The fact that a blustering man may be 
deafied shows that people may sometimes 
hear with their eyes; and the eye also has a 
voice, for don't we hear about people who 
are rather 'eye toned? — N. Y. Graphic. 

One of the most delicate bits of humor in 
the Bible is Hosea's description of Ephraim 
as "a cake not turned." The prophet didn't 
want to hurt Ephraim's feelings by calling 
him "half-baked." — New Haven Register. 

A fearful suggestion — Fred (to chum) — "I 
dreamed about you last night. Bob." Bob — 
"I hope it was pleasant." Fred — "Oh, yes 
very pleasant while it lasted. I dreamed 
that you paid the ten dollars you owe me. 

Connecticut boasts of a girl that sleeps 
standing up. She ought to marry that Bo- 
chester man that puts umbrella to bed and 
stands up behind the door — provided there 
is room for two behind the door.— Rome Sen- 
tinel 

Paragraphers are occasionally accused of 
reproducing as original the jests of the "old 
roasters." But Hood Hook such humor as 
theirs. We, for one, don't want Jerrold 
jokes. We never Tooke any stock in them 
at all. 

"Watchman, what of the night?" "Oh! 
nothing in particular. Thej' may have broken 
open a savings bank, or robbed a grave or 
tivo, but really so little has been doing that 
I was almost if not quite asleep " — N. Y. 
Graphic. 

The boys who sell photographs during the 
opera are very nice little fellows, but they 
should not be permitted to stand in the aisle 
during the finest part of the performance to 
discuss the comparative amounts of their 
sales.— N. Y. Herald. 

When a man dies suddenly, "without the 
aid of the physician," the coroner must be 
called in. If the man dies regularly, after 
being treated by a doctor, everybody knows 
why he died and the coroner's inquest is not 
necessary. — N. 0. Picayune. 

The King of Siam has 3,000 wives, all liv- 
ing under the same roof. Whenever he 
wants to pass an hour or two in repose and 
quiet, he steals off by himself and secretes 
himself in the royal blacksmithery, where 
200 anvils are at work all the time. — St. Louis 
Journal. 

If there is anything likely to disabuse the 
British mind of its conception of the average 
Yankee growing out of the traditional long 
and lank Brother Jonathan, that thing must 
be the extensive advertising of "Anti-fat." 
The idea of a Yankee ever being troubled 
with adipose matter ! — Boston Transcript. 

When a young man is escorting his girl on 
one arm and her mamma on the other it is 
remarkable how the vigor will go out of the 
arm hooked to the mamma and go into the 
arm hooked to the girl. This is one of the 



curious things in physiology which our scien- 
tists ought to wrestle with. — Newark Call. 

"Good night, sweet art, good night," sang 
a level-headed youth, as he slammed the front 
gate and paced off down the street. Then 
he took out his his handkerchief to rub the 
rouge off the tip end of his nose, and won- 
dered how much pearl powder cost a pound 
when purchased in large quantities. — Elmira 
Gazette. 



The Boy With the Bandbox. 

Yesterday forenoon as the country people 
who had brought in produce to sell on the 
market were about ready to start for home a 
boy appeared at the lower end of the Central 
Market with a blue bandbox under his arm. 
Among the vehicles was a one-horse wagon 
belonging to an old woman who had just sold 
four bags of onions, and was ready to drive 
home. The boy approached her in an honest, 
straightforward manner and remarked : 

"Well, auntie, here is that bonnet, at 
last." 

"A bonnet?" she inquired. 

"Why, yes; the one you ordered at the 
store a week ago. You'll look so purty in it 
that the old man won't know you. It's all 
paid for all right, and now I'll set it down 
right here by your feet. Tra-la, auntie." 

That old woman knew the boy was making 
a mistake in leaving a bonnet with her, but 
after the first words of surprise she made no 
sign. She reasoned that it wasn't her busi- 
ness to correct mistakes, and as soon as the 
boy had retired, she picked up the lines and 
drove up Randolph street, every moment ex- 
pecting to he^r the mistaken boy calling af- 
ter her, and every moment hurrying the old 
nag as fast as he could go. After reaching 
the corner of Gratiot avenue and Brush 
street, she felt that the boy could not over- 
take her, and it was only natural that she 
should have a lively curiosity to see what sort 
of a bonnet it was. If plain black, it would 
suit her to a dot. If gorgeous, it would do 
for her daughter. The horse was reined up 
to the curb and the driver carefully untied 
the string fastening the box and lifted the 
cover. A "yaller" cat of monstrous size, 
feeling that he had been abused and insulted 
and his eyes glaring with hate and contempt, 
came out of the box like a bullet. 

People who happened to be in that neigh- 
borhood were treated to a e-rious spectacle. 
With one wild, unearthly yell an old woman 
was seen to pitch backwards over the seat 
and then sail for ground by the shortest 
route. While she was clawing around with 
her head in a snow bank, the cat seeing her 
out of the way, made a spring from the seat 
to the horse's back and began a series of per- 
formances never known or dreamed of by 
that old equine, and the way that horse 
gathered his legs under him and scattered the 
old wagon for half a block was wicked to 
see. The woman, dug out of the snow by a 
considerate bystander, stood on the walk and 
endeavored to explain. A man in the crowd 
picked up a wagon-wheel and endeavored to 
remark that the whole outfit wasn't worth 
scraping together, and some one in the crowd 
solemnly observed : 

"If honesty ain't the best policy, then I 
don't want a cent."« — Detroit Free Press. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



395 




— Mr. Fred Lyster, Acting Manager of 
Baldwin's Theatre, takes a benefit on Mon- 
day next. 

— A Kentucky woman threw a handful of 
powder into the fire to quicken it. It did, 
but it had the opposite result on her. 

— We are authorized to announce that ex- 
Gov. Stanford, who was prostrated by a severe 
chilblain on his toe, is rapidly recovering. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and oduca- 
teH birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— A man named Christian was before the 
Police Court the other day charged with 
having faro tools in his possession. This 
must be a bad christian. 

— Those of our readers who are in search 
of holiday presents of a recherche nature are 
respectfully invited to peruse file advertise- 
ment of Messrs. Paillard & Co. * 

' — A Southern judge read "Betzyand I are 
Out" to a couple who were suing for divorce. 
The suit was withdrawn and the couple went 
home as happy as two June-bugs on a pea- 
vine. 

— Louisa Van Horn, a Philadelphia lump 
of sweetness, gave Mrs. Lily Jackson an over- 
dose of podophyllin for a cold and caused 
that lady's death. If she had given her a 
horn of whisky the result would have been 
more satisfactory. 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TENT- 
HOKEY & CO.'S MACCARONI and VER- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

janl8-3inos 



He Dreamed He Drew the Capital Prize. 

An Italian gentleman with a nice little in- 
come had a nice little servant girl, who said 
to him one morning: "Oh, if you please, 
won't you give me three francs to buy a lot- 
tery ticket with? I dreamed last night that 
No. 41,144 was going to draw the capital 
prize, and I want to buy that number." 

He gave the girl the three francs, and, 
next day, on happening to look at the re- 
port of the drawing, saw that No. 41,144 had 
drawn the capital prize of 518,652.85 lire, or, 
to speak more accurately, $100,000. 

Returning quietly to the house he con- 
cealed his emotion and said to the servant 
girl: ''Susan, I have long observed with ap- 
probation your piety, beauty, modesty, skill 



in the art of cookery and their good qualities 
calculated to adorn the highest station. Be 
mine. Let me lead you to the hymeneal al- 
tar, No delay. Just as you are." 

"Honest Injun?" said the blushing virgin. 

"You bet. I swear \>y yonder silver spoon 
that tips with beauty all the fruit-pie top" — 

"Then count me in, and regard me here- 
after in the light of your turtle-dove." 

"Hasten, then, Susan; put on your bonnet 
and shawl and let us take a walk around the 
block to the old friar's cell, where we shall 
be made one." 

In a few minutes the bride-elect returned, 
clad in a red shawl, with a black velvet bon- 
net trimmed with sunflowers and Victoria 
regia. In a few minutes more the ceremony 
had been performed and the twain were one. 
They returned to the house, when the hus- 
band carelessly took up the paper and said, 
with a well counterfeited start of surprise: 

"Darling, everything is bright for us upon 
our wedding-day. You remember the ticket 
in the lottery that you dreamed about and I 
gave you three francs to buy ? Where is it, 
my ownest?" 

"O, I didn't buy it. I spent the money 
for this duck of a bonnet." 



n Barbiere Fenseroso. 

A World reporter waited for a shave in a 
Cortlandt street barber-shop on Christmas 
Eve. His lot was cast with a tall, thin assist- 
ant, who seemed bowed down with a weight 
of woe. The reporter laid his head upon the 
rack, and the barber, steering it into position 
by the nose, asked in a melancholy voice: 

"You wis a close shave, sair?" 

"Two days below the surface," briefly an- 
swered the reporter. 

"It is what all the gentlemen say," sighed 
the barber, as he lathered his customer's face 
and rubbed the soap in with a kotted forefin- 
ger. "It is one sign that the barbering busi- 
ness is all gone in pieces. What is Christmas 
or any other time to us now," he added as he 
removed a dab of soap with his dry forefinger 
from his patient's lips and the reporter ex- 
pressed his sympathy by means of his eyes. 

"Ah!" exclaimed the barber looking dream- 
ily out into the street, as barbers will when 
operating on a customer. "How «different 
was it when Iwasyoung! Does the razor take 
hold, sair ? Then we were surgeon-barbers. 
I learned my profession with a prominent 
barber in Jersey City. We cupped, leeched, 
bled, drew teeth, dyed hair and whiskers, 
and dressed and curled hair. In the windows 
would you see the implements used by the 
barber-surgeon, and teeth arranged in rows 
and ornamental forms. When I came to this 
city, about fifteen years ago, I was one of the 
most skillful barbers in the business. It's 
only a little scratch, sair. It will not bleed. 
My duties were many. Almost every gentle- 
man wore a large mustache which he must 
have dyed, and more, he must have his hair- 
curled or he would not present a good ap- 
pearance. It was the fashion. We could 
produce any number of curls arranged in any 
form, according to the head and face. All 
of this I did; and I could curl hair beauti- 
fully and durably in a few minutes, besides the 



cupping, leeching, drawing teeth, cutting 
and dressing hair and shaving. Why, I did 
one gentleman whose hair I curled every day. 
It cost him $1.75 a week. But now all that 
is left is the hair cut and a shave, and not 
much of that. Half the gentlemen wear Ger- 
mau beards. You wis bay rum or tonic ?" 

The reporter answered that it didn't mat- 
ter, and the barber mopping his face with a 
wet towel redolent of cloves and bergamot, 
gently raised him by his ears to a sitting po- 
sition, and continued: "And we don't sell 
any more hair restorers or fancy toilet acces- 
sories. You wis a hair cut; your hair is very 
long?" 

"No." 

"A shampoo?" 

"No." 

"You wis bay rum or tonic with pomade or 
hair oil on you hair?" 

The reporter said he'd take a little of each, 
and the barber, making a comb of his fingers, 
went on with his complaint: 

"Although I was such a good barber, see 
me now. I had a place of my own, but, be- 
cause business got bad, I failed. Then I be- 
came assistant." 

The reporter remarked that he thought all 
barbers were of one grade and cut hair and 
plastered it down and shaved all in one way. 

"No, sir," answered the barber, resting the 
bristly side of the hair-brush against his vic- 
tim's tender cheek and looking out of the win- 
dow. "A man to be accomplished must have 
worked in many shops. There are different 
customs, different implements, different clas- 
ses of gentlemen to be pleased. A barber 
must know all this, and when to talk or be 
still. If I had a shop to-day the first ques- 
tion I would ask of an assistant is, 'How 
many shops have you been in ?' " 

"Do any barbers know how not to eat 
onions ?" asked the reporter. 

The accomplished barber disregarded this 
question and asked, "Do you wis cosmetique 
on your hair or mustache ?" 

The reporter didn't, and the barber, puf- 
fing up the reporter's hair on the sides with 
the teeth of his comb and pasting it down in 
front with the back of the same implement, 
ejectea a cloud of perfumed spray upon his 
face and into his eyes from an atomizer, dex- 
terously withdrew the towel, made a bow and 
said, "please pay at the desk." 

BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Magoire Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

By Special Request, the Last London Success, 

The Green Lanes of England. 

Thursday and Friday Evenings, all tha Great 
Company in the Cast. 

SATURDAY MATINEE 

QTOUi* SI 

SATURDAY and SUNDAY EVEN'GS, Jan. 18 & 19, 
GREAT DOUBLE BILL ! 

"THE GREEN LANES OFJNCLAND" AND "OURS!" 

MONDAY JANUARY 20th 

Complimentary Benefit to Mr. FRED LYSTER, 

Acting Manager, 

Under the anspices of His Excellency, WM. IRWIN, 
Governor of the State of California, and the leading 
citizens of San Francisco. 

"LOYAL tFlL DEATH." 

"THE SCHMIDT QUINTETTE" and "BROTHER 
BILL ASD ME.» 



39G 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




This week there has been a degree of va- 
riety, if not of excellence, observable in our 
theatres. At the 

California Theatre 
Mr. W. J. Florence as "Obenreizer" in "No 
Thoroughfare," was fairly successful. In 
fact it was such a treat to see Mr. Florence 
outside Bardwell Slote or Captain Cuttle, 
that one felt disposed to overlook many 
trifling points where he failed to fulfill the 
dramatic requirements. While not free from 
many glaring defects, the support was better 
than is usual at this house and the piece was 
fairly mounted. 

At Baldwin's 
"Ours" and "The Green Lanes of England 
have occupied the boards. There was no ap- 
preciable improvement in the presentation of 
the latter piece; the former, however, is not 
only a very interesting play but also very 
creditably performed. 

At the Bush Street Theatre 
Callendar's Colored Vulgarians continue to 
shout and fling around after the usual man- 
ner of modern minstrelsy. The only thing 
about this troupe which seems to us to be 
strictly original is their color. 

At the Standard 
They have actually produced another bur- 
lesque entitled "Horrors." The title is ap- 
propriate. The piece is the concentrated es- 
sence of idiotic absurdity, and the whole per- 
formance is — horrible. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Planles to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 

SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



Oues. 
It is said that $500,000 is spent yearly upon 
the teaching of music in the elementary 
schools of England. 

There is a lady who has come out at Tre- 
viso under the stage name of "Eme Albini." 
This lady is not Emma Albani. 

Eliza Weathersby's "Froliques" Party 
opened at Virginia City on the 9th, in a piece 
called "Hobbies." N. C. Goodwin, Jr., is 
the leading spirit of the troupe. 

A new exponent of Shakespearian charac- 
ters takes the stage in the United States next 
month, heralded by the highest European 
encomiums. His name is Herman Linde. 

The three highest salaried stock actors in 
America are Charles Coghlan, Charles P. 
Thorne and Harry Becket. The former re- 
ceives $375 per week, Mr. Thorne $375, and 
Mr. Becket $250. 

The plot of "At Last," just produced at 
Wallack's, is described as very slender; but 
its dialogue is terse, witty, and spiced in imi- 
tation of epigram that is almost equal in 
flavor to the real thing. 

Clara Morris is a native of Montreal. Her 
maiden name was Morrison, but in announ- 
cing her first appearance the last syllable 
was accidentally omitted, and she adopted 
the change from preference. 

Signor Broccolini (Italian for Brooklyn) is 
a Brooklyn gentleman who is creating some 
stir in London as a concert singer. His real 
name is John Clarke, and some years ago he 
resided in Detroit, where he was proof-reader 
on the Detroit Tribune, and a famous base- 
ball player. 

Miss Fanny Davenport ha3 been offered 
$80,000 for four hundred nights' performan- 
ces, allowing her the option of playing wher- 
ever she wishes, whether in England, Aus- 
tralia or America. She hesitates to accept 
it, as she wishes to appear in some new char- 
acters before leaving America. 

M. De Corvin, author of "The Danicheffs" 
(directed in the modification by Alexander 
Dumas), has written another drama, "The 
Princess Borowski," this time going it alone 
and asking no sponsor. The impression in 
Paris seAns to be that herein he made a mis- 
take. The piece is said to be badly balanced 
full of crude incongruities of language, false 
and unskillful expressions. 

Mary Anderson, the actress, was prostra- 
ted on Saturday last, at St. Louis, with a se- 
rious attack of pneumonia. It was to have 
been her benefit night, and not only was 
every seat and box in the house taken, but 
the orchestra was displaced and the seats of 
the musicians sold. The attack came on so 
late in the day that there was no means of 
giving notice, and at eight o'clock a great 
crowd of disappointed ticket-holders, embra- 
cing hundreds of ladies, had collected in the 
lobby of De Bar's. Her case is considered 
dangerous. 



In Twelve Easy Lessons. 

TERMK, $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 
FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 
LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 



ing. 



135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia'Brewery has sold during 
the year 1877, 41,601 barrels of beer, making 
19,513 of a majority over any other brewery 
in this city. (See Official Report, U. S. In- 
ternal Revenue, January, 1878.) The beer 
from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast renown, 
unequalled by any other upon the Pacific 
Coast. * 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The Hibernia Savings & Loan 
Society, 

N. E. Cor. Montgomery and Post Sts. 

At a regular meeting of the Board of Directors of 
this Society, held this day, a dividend at the rate of 
seven per cent per annum was declared for the period 
ending with the 31st day of December, 1878, free of 
Federal Tax. and payable from and after this date. 
EDW. MARTIN, Secretary. 

San Francisco, Jan. 6, 1879. 



DD7IDEND NOTICE. 

Savings and Loan Society, 

619 CLAY STREET. 

At a meeting of the Board of Directors held this 
day, a dividend of seven (7) per cent per annum was 
declared, for the term ending December 31, 1878, ou 
all deposits, free of Federal Tax, and payable ou and 
after January 15, 1879. 

CTEUS W. CARMANY, Secretary. 



LD - m 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World, 



S10KE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



THE ILLTJ&rRA.TED WASP. 



397 



JDOjNTlSTOLLY'S 

YEAST POWDER 

FOR SALE EVERYWHERE ! 
Ask Your Grocer For It 



DIVIDEND NOTICES. 

San Francisco Savings Union, 

532 California Street, cor. Webb. 

For the half year ending with December 31, 1878, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of seven and 
two-tenths (7 2-10) per cent, per annum on Term De- 
posits, and sis (6) per cent, pel annum on Ordinary 
Deposits, free oi Federal Tax, payable on and after 
Wednesday, January 15, 187'J. 

jaml-lui" LOTELL WHITE, Cashier. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The German Savings and Loan 
Society. 

For the half year ending this date, the Board of 
Directors of "The German Savings and Loan So- 
ciety" has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 
the rate of seven and one-half (7%) per cent, per 
annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of six 
and one-fourth (6J^) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Tax, and payable on and after the 15th. day 
of January, 1879. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

San Francisco, December 31, 1878. 




The Tailor*, 



203 Montgomery St , and 203 Third St., under the 
Russ House, near Bush Stree, has just received a 
large assortment of the latest style goods. 

Suits to order $20. Pants to order from $5. Over- 
coats to order from $15. 

i^ a Tbe leading question is where the best goods 
can be found at the lowest prices. The answer is at 

jroas; fobiim 

203 MoDtgoraery St., and 103 Third St- Samples 
and Rules for Self-Measurement, sent free to any ad- 
dress. Fit guaranteed. 



Use SiA YEN'S 

Tosemite Cologne! 



W, EL. |,QWEEEE, 

715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., "Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



(~i.f)T T\ Any worker can make 312 a day at home. Costly 
VTV-/J_IJL/ Oulfitfree. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



Bakery and Restaurant, 

No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- decl4-lm 



NOTICE. 



The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

O, C5/HSTXY <3te CO.. 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREE1. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



0, D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. R. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and $5 outfit free. Ao. 
dress H. Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 cents at piece. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Fine St., near Polk. 
o 

Henry .Aiirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 



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ILLUSTRATED WASP 

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fornia street, San Francisco. 

SATURDAY, JANUARY 25, 1879. 

" 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 

Pkley's courage is coming to a boiling 
point. He wants to air his "valor in a brush 
■with England." Oh! Frank! What are you 
giving us ? 



The Coroner's Jury, we are gravely in- 
formed, censured the management of the 
Giant Powder Works for having allowed a 
hammer to be upon the premises. Out of 
the hands of reckless or violent men, we al- 
ways thought a hammer to be an innocent 
sort of a thing. 



No sympathy should be extended to the fe- 
male gamblers who were fleeced by the 
"bucket shop" failures of last week. And 
further more the Prosecuting Attorney should 
look into it and see if some of those specula- 
tive dames have not committed perjury in 
swearing that they placed money in the hands 
of the proprietors of those swindling estab- 
lishments to be invested. It was an notorious 
fact well known to every one that the "bucket 
shops" did not profess to buy stock; that they 
merely gambled on the market quotations. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

THE WOMAN WHO GOES TO CHURCH 

Usually has a new bonnet. It is a peculiar 
fact that women with nice clothes ar_- much 
more religious than those who are not so 
well off in those adjuncts to personal attrac- 
tiveness. There may possibly be some re- 
mote connection between theology and mil- 
linery. If there is, it has not yet been dis- 
covered — at least it has not been publicly 
announced — but then this is an age of dis- 
covery and invention and we know not what 
disclosures we are upon the brink of. All 
observant people know, however, that a beau- 
tiful feather belayed in its place by a duck 
of a lizard — a new production in natural his- 
tory — exercises a softening influence on the 
heart; melts it, in fact, as the rays of the sun 
melt the winter's ice. 

The "Woman who goes to Church" usually 
has very sharp eyes and a phenomenal mem- 
ory — at least she can see and recollect the 
cut and style of every article of feminine 
adornment within a very extensive radius; 
yet, as a rule, she can't recollect a word of 
what the preacher said. If she were asked 
why she went to church, she would no doubt 
reply, readily enough: "To worship God." 
If she were asked, why she worshiped God ? 
she probably have to take some little time in 
order to frame a reply. 

The "Woman who goes to Church" also 
goes to the Church Festival. She spends 
dollars upon dollars of her pocket money 
and hours upon hours o{ her time in con- 
structing little knienacks for a stall. All of 
which is, of course, very right and proper; 
but it is a little singular that — where she is a 
married woman — she has to call in the ser- 
vices of a seamstress when her children re- 
quire a new pinafore, and — where she is a 
single woman — she would consider it an out- 
rage for her brother to ask her to sew a but- 
ton on his shirt. These things may be the 
result of "the mysterious workings of reli- 
gion." Who can tell? 

There are various degrees of piety amongst 
the women who go to eurch. The excessively 
good usually regard with holy horror all the 
oidinaiy amusements of life. The magnifi- 
cent creations of Shakespeare are, in her 
eyes, the incarnation of sin. To dance "Sir 
Rodger DeCoverly" or "Pop, goes the 
Weasle" are, she thinks, sins of a most ma- 
lignant type. She teaches a class iu the Sun- 
day School, is interested in the poor, and 
also — though, perhaps, to a lesser extent — 
in her husband. Then there is the one who 
is not quite so good. She will go to the 
theatre once in a while. Bad people, she is 
free to admit, go to the theatre — but then 
you know it is a good place to see and to be 
seen. She will dance, too, Dancing, she 
says, is good wholesome exercise — and to see 
her dancing around when her husband re- 
fuses her money for a new dress one would 
think it was. This last grade of female piety 
generally manages to cram all its religion 
into one day of the week. Upon Sunday it 
is saintly, upon other days, it is simply 
angelic. 

The "Woman who goes to Church" enjoys, 



in most communities, a numerical superiority 
over the woman who does not go to church. 
Whether that fact in anywise conduces to- 
wards the plentitude of divorce cases which 
marks this age we are not prepared to say, 
but it is very certain that it materially assists 
trade in the dry goods stores. 



M0RM0SISH. 



After years of vexaeious delay the consti- 
tutionality of an act designed to render poly- 
gamy a criminal offense has at length been 
affirmed and all Mormondom is in a flutter 
of excitement. Prostitution practiced under 
a thin guise of religious fanaticism has re- 
ceived a fatal blow and female harlots and 
male profligates stand appalled. The spirit 
of modern religious liberty is so strong and 
so thoroughly opposed to any interference 
with the widest exercise of conscience that 
this foul stain upon our civilization thought 
itself safe. There is, however, a limit to all 
things, and the limit of human credulity was 
taxed beyond its capacity for endurance 
when it was asked to regard shameless open- 
faced profligacy as a religious belief. It can 
stand sects that claim to find spiritual conso- 
lation in a bottle full, or a river full, of water 
but when asked to look upon man's lust in 
the light of a religious inspiration it suffered 
a fatal collapse. 

After defiantly fighting the statute which 
aimed to destroy their gross wantonness the 
representatives of Mormondom now come 
forward with a pitiful whine and ask to be 
pardoned for their past offenses and allowed 
for the present to continue their immoral re- 
lations upon promise that they will, in the 
future, contract no more polygamous mar- 
riages. The sublime cheek which inspired 
that proposition has never been equalled. 
At first they insolently denied the right of 
the Government to punish or prohibit the 
lewdness which they possessed divine permis- 
sion to practice, and when their denial of that 
right seemed likely to end in their becoming 
pretty familiar with the inside of j ils, they 
cry out: "Yes, you have the right, but please 
don't exercise it because, because, because — 
well, because we would rather you wouldn't." 

Nevertheless it is more than likely that the 
"Saints" will carry their point. It is said, 
in fact, it is known, that they possess a good 
supply of a strong argument; an argument 
which is all powerful in Washington — mo- 
ney. And so, after all, it need surprise no 
one to learn that Mormonism will continue 
I o flaunt its God-commanded profligacy in the 
face of ordinary human virtue and chastity. 

The strenuous exertions made by Mormon- 
dom to establish the right to contract poly- 
gamous marriages knocks the bottom clear 
out of one of the most popular superstitions 
of the day — we refer to the belief that man, 
as a rule, finds one wife to be so much of a 
nuisance that two or three of them would 
render life intolerable. It may be, perhaps 
that Mormon women differ very widely, in 
one or two essential respects, from their gen- 
tile (but not always gentle) sisters. If they 
do not, the humorous paragraphers should 
lay aside those chaste mirth provoking 
thoughts which have been moulded upon the 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



403 



presumption tbat woman in her wifely capa- 
city is an evil which no person would de- 
sire to duplicate. It cannot be conceived 
that, if life with one woman was the purge ■ 
tory it has been represented to be, any man 
would struggle to maintain the right to in- 
crease that purgatory thirty or forty times. 



[See Illustration on First Page. | 
WHO WILL MAKE THE CHINESE GO? 

The question is a very pertinent one at 
the present juncture. The office is a difficult 
one to till, but difficulties do not deter peo- 
ple, in this land of bravely, and there are any 
number of applicants for the position. It is 
therefore meet and proper that we should 
look over their qualifications and examine 
into their fitness. 

First we have the soil disenl Lieutenant- 
General of Sand-lot fame. He holds the of- 
fice at present and is a candidate for a con- 
tinuation of the honor. He has held the po- 
sition of Chinese expeller par excellence for 
the past sixteen months or so. He has said 
with a lofty wave of the hand "The Chinese 
Must Go." But they don't go worth a cent; 
on the contrary, they continue to come. The 
Chinese are a wonderfully sagacious race 
they can see plainly enough that the "great 
leeder" is only a scare-crow. A something 
that looks mighty dangerous but is really 
harmless. As a scare-crow he is a failure; he 
talks too much with his mouth. He is too 
sanguiuary with his tongue; he makes too 
many gutters run with imaginary blood; and 
so the wily Chinaman learns that he is only 
a gas bag — a thing to be laughed at, and 
dangerous only to his friends. 

Then we have our friends, the old machine 
politicians. The popular cry "The Chinese 
Must Go" has been faintly re-echoed by them 
for some time past. At the last Presidential 
election they both came before the people 
with an anti-Chinese plank in their platform. 
The electoral vote of California and the other 
Pacific States, was worth having and, inso- 
much as there was no popular objection any- 
where to the Chinese being obliged to, i,t was 
perfectly safe to adopt an anti-Chinese plank. 
It was standing to win and risking the loss 
of nothing. An anti-Cbinese plank in the 
platform did not endanger the success of the 
ticket anywhere, while an absence of it au- 
gured defeat in California and all the other 
Pacific States. But then as to making the 
Chinese go, that was another question alto- 
gether. If the National Convention could 
fool the people by making them believe that 
the party as a political organization regarded 
the presence of the Chinese as a nuisance 
which should be abated, why all right. But 
then when it came to the matter of taking 
practical steps towards abating the nuisance 
— that was a gray mare of an entirely differ- 
ent color. It did not follow that because 
"the party" had pronounced against Chinese 
immigration that "the party" was really op- 
posed to it, or would do anything to stop it. 
Oh dear, bless you, no. That is only one of 
the jocular ways of modern American states- 
manship. Only one of the ways in which 
modern politicians work off their superfluous 



facetiousuess. So long as they are only 
asked to say that they are opposed to the 
Chinese, everything is hunky, but when it 
comes to carrying out their words — they 
haven't had "time to look into it." 

In the mean time, "Who will make the 
Chinese go?" 



A JOURNALISTIC IDIOSYNCRASY. 

The daily papers recently contained a 
somewhat sensational story entitled "Dying 
within sight of home." The gist of the mat- 
ter was that a gentleman residing in the 
neighborhood of New York — a married man 
of wealth and standing in the community — 
had seduced a }'oung lady whom he had, by 
virtue of his respectability, been permitted 
to associate with. Having put her in that 
interesting condition which must necessarily 
be followed by an exposure, he packed her 
off to Europe. At the last moment, how- 
ever, the poor girl determined to face out her 
shame and return to her home. As the 
vessel was entering port her child was born 
and she — died. This much we have been 
told. This much has been trumpted far and 
near, and, so far as we can see, there is no- 
thing funny about it. The funny part of the 
affair is that the enterprising reporters with 
singular unanimity forgot to mention the 
man's name. They always do wben the male 
blackguard is a person of wealth and stand- 
ing. The object being, presumably, to pre- 
vent his good name from being hurt — so that 
he may under the cloak of his respectability 
meet other young ladies and repeat his of- 
fense. Verily, verily, the Press is always 
anxious to subserve the public good. 



TOO MUCH LIGHT NOT WANTED. 

Most people will recollect the New York 
Iribune's great expose of Tilden's rascality. 
That is, they will recollect that that estimable 
journal published what purported to be a 
number of cipher telegrams which passed 
between certain Democratic politicians and 
certain adherents of Tilden's. It was not 
shown that the old man ever heard of these 
telegrams before he saw them in the columns 
of the Tribune. There was no attempt to 
show that they were genuine, and in the face 
of the emphatic denial by one or two of the 
more prominent men whose names were con- 
nected with them of all knowledge of them, 
the gravest doubts have been entertained 
upon that point. Under the circumstances 
one would almost have thought that the first 
move on the side of the Bepublican party 
after the assembling of Congress would have 
been to move for an investigation into this 
business. If any person did think so that 
person is in the position of the fiddler who 
was beguiled by his fiddle. Two months 
more or less have passed since Congress as- 
sembled and no word has been heard from 
the Bepublican side. A sum of money has 
indeed, been appropriated for the purpose of 
investigating into the matter and letting the 
country know whether one of the candidates 
in the last Presidential election bargained 
for the purchase of electoral votes and was 



only prevented from purchasing the position 
by a disagreement over a few thousand dol- 
lars; but the motion came from the Demo- 
cratic side of the house and was passed over 
objections from the Bepublican side. 

The cause is obvious. The representatives 
of "the grand old party of progress and hu- 
manity " believe that an investigation would 
probably result in a complete vindication of 
Tilden and the loss of so much political capi- 
tal. The representatives of " the grand old 
party of progress and humanity " care not 
whether they have grossly slandered the rep- 
utation of an old and heretofore honored 
man. Truth and justice are nothing to 
these men of "progress and humanity." 
They are incapable of rising above party suc- 
cess. And now, perhaps, Johnny McComb 
will oblige an anxious public with a second 
edition of that celebrated editorial note upon 
the rejection of Samuel J. Tilden by a St. 
Louis belle. 



RETRIBUTIVE JUSTICE. 

There is something very suggestive in the 
recent mortality in the Congress of the 
United States. Something which politicians 
would do well to ponder over. And, as the 
mortality has not been by any means con- 
fined to Congress alone, contractors would 
do well to ponder over it also. In the good 
old da}'s when that great statesman, General 
Grant, held the reigns of Government, the 
municipal affairs of AVashington City were 
controlled by a ring. A ring which was not 
made of gold or silver — though its wives and 
daughters might be resplendent in diamonds 
— but of human brass and dishonesty. That 
ring constructed sewers and other public 
works at a great profit to itself; and it 
laughed thereat, and was exceedingly joyful 
and grew fat, and waxed great in the land. 
And the military chieftain, he laughed too, 
and then he winked at Boss Shepherd — he 
may, perhaps, have smiled also; and the pa- 
triotic representatives, they laughed and 
winked at each other — it is not down in the 
journal whether they smiled or not, but the 
presumption is that they did. Everybody 
was happy in those days; everybody was get- 
ting rich fast, and the goose was at a toler- 
able fair altitude. 

But a change seems to have come over the 
spirit of the dream. The sewers which the 
Bing made millions by defectively construct- 
ing are beginning to give forth their deadly 
odours. And, with singular appropriateness, 
the sacred precincts of Congress are invaded 
and the legislator is snatched bald-headed 
from his legislative chair. Nor does the 
hand of retributive justice stop there. The 
home of the thieving contractor, who shared 
the spoils with the Ring, is invaded and his 
wife or daughter carried off to be an angel. 
While the Bing itself, in more than one in- 
stance, has lain' at death's door. At any 
rate one of the results of General Grant's 
administration has been to make the national 
capital the most unhealthy city in the coun- 
try. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $i a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



404 



THE ILLUSTRATED "WASP. 



ONLY A PINCH OF SNUFF. 




THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



405 




A fixed fact — a mended shirt. 

Wanted — an underwriter who insures suc- 
cess. 

The difference between a host and a ghost 
is — well, only a g. 

The most experienced surgeon has never 
yet met with a broken heart. 

What did billet doux. — Ex. Don't you 
know ? Broke the girl's heart. 

A new explosive agent — well a fresh house 
agent who comes to blow you up about the 
back rent. 

It is now generally believed that when 
Adam fell he did not burst the seat of his 
pantaloons. 

The work "Art in the house" should have 
its name changed to "Painting in a lady's 
chamber." 

Some people are fretting from morning till 
night and — there is no joke about this, but 
anybody that wants to can laugh. 

"The morn is the infancy of the day," but 
a man who has been on a big spree the night 
before seldom appreciates that fact. 

"Hope long deferred maketh the heart 
sick," observed the cat who was watching 
for the re-appearance of the mouse. 

Josh Billings says that a fly always returns 
to the same spot; in this respect a fly resem- 
bles a leopard which does not change its 
spots. 

The resemblance between the average Con- 
gressman and the moon lies in the fact that 
they both have rings round them now and 
then. 

The human instinct which causes men to 
wish to be first in all things seems to fade 
away when it comes to matter of getting up 
in the morning and lighting the fire. 

Truth crushed to earth will rise again, but 
it's a mighty tough job for a rheumatic man 
— no matter how truthful — to get up off the 
ice. But then, come to think of it, ice isn't 
earth. 

Some papers are making more fuss about 
Joaquin Miller's stealing "Janette's Hair" 
than they would if some man whom they had 
no pique against had stolen a dozen of wo- 
men, hair, toe nails, and all. 

It seems a curious coincidence that on the 
18th of June, 1815, Wellington defeated Na- 
poleon at Waterloo and on the same date in 



1ST7 the Milwaukee base-ball club defeated 
the Chicago club. 

Every dog has its day has been an accep- 
led maxim for years past; and the question 
now arises: "If the days belong to the dogs 
how do Bulks give the maker of a promis- 
sory note three days of grace. 

Bob IxoERSoLLsays matter is indestruc table. 
He ought to have gone into the newspaper 
business and, after the boy had taken his 
spare copy to light the fire with two or three 
times, he would know better. 

Mrs. Stanton advises girls who wish to be 
beautiful to bathe twice a day in cold water. 
A far better plan would be to dip their el- 
bows in hot soap suds about once a week — 
besides it would reduce the cost of house- 
keeping. 

Dr. Abel, Berlin correspondent of the 
London limes, speaks seventy different lan- 
guages, and yet he cannot find adjectives 
enough to express his thoughts when he steps 
into a bucket of dirty suds which a careless 
housemaid has left in a dark passage. 

Professor Tyndal having given it as his 
opinion that blue-eyed women should marry 
black-eyed men a young lady, who is a devo- 
ted believer in science, recently caused her 
beau to impeach the veracity of a big man in 
order that he might get a pair of black eyes. 

Mrs. Switshelm says the only way to civi- 
lize the Indian is to put a hoe in his hand 
and tell him to hoe or perish. Mrs. Swis- 
helm had better try that remedy and, if the 
poor untutored savage doesn't turn round 
and knock her brains out with the hoe, some- 
body is a liar. 

The joy which takes possession of a man's 
heart upon discovering a two bit piece in the 
pocket of an old vest is more than counter- 
balanced by the anguish which racks his soul 
when he goes down stairs and discovers that 
the goats have been in his garden and ate up 
all his fancy roses. 

When Whittier wrote: 

"I know not where His islands lift 

Their fronded palm in air, 
I only know I cannot drift 
Beyond his love and care," 

it is presumed that he was thinking of the 
unfortunate pup which the small boy is drag- 
ging along by a piece of string. 

Bierce had a paragraph the other day 
which conveyed the impression that he did 
not believe as thoroughly as he might in the 
efficacy of prayer. It seems to have passed 
out of the mind of that misguided young 
man that Happy Jack was converted last 
winter by means of the pr - ayers of the faith- 
ful. 

Shaekspeare's lines were rendered this way 
— before the curtain — the other night: "Dog 
gone the son of a sea cook who stole my pa- 
per of fine cut, in the crush at the ticket win- 
dow." There was not so much poetry, 
though, perhaps, more truth, in the expres- 
sion as there is in William's way of putting 
the idea. 




The Man on the Fence. — This is a book 
written with a purpose. Most all books are 
written with a purpose. This book was evi- 
dently written with the intention of giving 
employment to a few printers and destroying 
a quantity of paper. In this respect it is not 
without merit, because times are dull and 
employment is scarce. "The Man on the 
Fence," it must be admitted, is written in 
excellent English but we rather incline to 
the opinion that a work so thoroughly Ame- 
rican should not have been written in a for- 
eign tongue. The substance of the book is 
an account of how a man was sitting upon a 
fence and the fence broke down and left him 
to sit upon the ground. A speculative mind 
would have followed up the train of thought 
which this incident suggests and would have 
endeavored to discover what would have be- 
come of "The Man on the Pence" had the 
ground also broke down under him. But 
this writer is evidently not of a speculative 
turn of mind and so he has been satisfied to 
merely deal with facts and leave possibilities 
and probabilities alone. This book may have 
some faint reference to Senator Davis' Presi- 
dential aspirations. The fact that that gen- 
tleman did sit upon a high fence in sight of 
both political parties, some short time since, 
and that the fence slowly but surely sank 
under his ponderous person until he was left 
sitting upon the ground and altogether out 
of sight would endow such a presumption 
with an appearance of truth. 



A Grand Achievement — Is the title of a 
work which has just been published by the 
Emperor of Samoa. It seems that this po- 
tentate's wife desired to purchase for herself a 
pair of striped stockings, but not having the 
requisite money equivalent to give the sordid 
storekeeper in exchange of those articles, 
she stole a pair from the missionary's wife. 
This transaction his royal nibs has thought 
fit to write a book about, and that book he 
has had the sublime audacity to entitle as 
above. No man who entertains political as- 
pirations should read this work because it is 
calculated to undermine his morals. To read 
a book which deliberately endorses and ap- 
proves of thieving has a tendancy to upset 
the strictest integrity and unfit a pesson for 
the proper discharge of public duties. The 
book has no literary merit though it possess 
a commercial value — as waste paper. If it 
attains a large circulation, a failure of the 
pea-nut crop may be expected. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



406 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



My Cousin Estelle. 



CHAPTER IV.— Continued. 

AT last the opportunity I had been 
seeking came. My mother had gone to spend 
the day with an invalid friend, and after our- 
early dinner, Estelle announced her intention of 
spending a long afternoon in the garden; whilst I 
prefering to be alone, took a book and went to my 
own room, where, to my surprise, I spent an hour 
very pleasantly, for it was one of those lovely Octo- 
ber days that almost seem as if summer had returned 
and I sat iu my favorite low chair behind the lace 
curtains at my window, making it look a golden- 
brown and lighting up a patch of the roses and fern- 
leaves on the carpet. The a, too, my book was inter- 
esting, and in the sorrows of its heroine I was for- 
getting my own, whilst it was pleasant to see Estelle 
flitting happily about the garden, busy in her occu- 
pation of an amateur gardener, and pleasant to hear 
her singing softly, as if to herself, little scraps of 
old French songs of which I had never understood 
the charm until I heard her sing them. 

I had been watching her for some minutes, think- 
ing how beautiful she was, and how easily a poet 
might have imagined her the spirit of the flowers she 
tended so lovingly, when suddenly the pleasant 
fancy disappesred, and the old pain came back to ray 
heart with renewed force, for, striding across the 
lawn, as if impatient to reach her, came Stephen; 
and, remembering that at first it had been arranged 
that I should accompany my mother, I fancied for 
the moment he had come to our house in the after- 
noon — a most unusual thing for him to do, for since 
ou ■ engagement he had grown wonderfully indiffer- 
ent to the charms of croquet — in the expectation of 
finding her alone. 

Estelle was standing with her back to the house, 
singing in ;a low voice as she carefully clipped a 
standard rose that had not quite made up its mind 
that summer was over, and, absorbed in her occupa- 
tion, she did not notice Stephen's approach, until he 
stood beside her and laid his hand upon her shoulder 
Then she started, and as she turned towards him I 
saw her face light up with pleasure, and, snatching 
off the thick gloves she wore, she held out her hand 
to him — a hand that neither of them seemed to think 
it necessary he should soon relinquish; whilst I— 
never pausing to think, as I certainly should have 
thought had the two standing there been others than 
my cousin and the man I had promised to marry, 
that it was not quite honorable to watch them — won- 
dered dreamily what Stephen could have to say that 
took so long in saying, and that seemed of such vital 
importance to Estelle; for she listened, scarcely 
speaking herself, with the sunshine falling on her 
beautiful upturned face — for, as was often the case, 
she had converted her garden-hat into a flower bas- 
ket, and it lay on the grass beside ner with some 
geraniums in it. 

Presently I saw Stephen turn them out, and Estelle 
laughed as he put the hat on her head, and, though 
they spoke so softly that I heard nothing of their 
conversation, still I could imagine something of 
what Stephen would say; for had he not several 
timed, in his loving imperious manner, chidden me 
me for taking no care of my complexion in the early 
summer days that seemed so long ago? Then I saw 
him gather up the geraniums and offer them to her, 
when his companion, as if the action was dictated 
by a sudden impulse, took his hand in both of hers 
an <3 — J could scarcely believe my eyes when I saw 
proud undemonstrative cousin actually kiss Stephen's 
hand and then walk quickly to the house, whilst he 
followed her more slowly. 

There was no need to ask for an explanation of 
the little scene I had witnessed; it was just the 
finale I had expected to my love dream — that was 
all— and, with a sort of bewildered pity for myself, 
I rose with the steady determination of seeing Steph- 
en before he left the house, and freeing him from 
his engagement, whilst, more from custom than any 
interest I felt as to how I looked, I turned to the 
glass to smooth my hair before gaing down stairs, 
and it was such a white pained face the glass reflected 
that I felt angry with myself — and perhaps the feel- 
ing did me good, for I said "Come in" quite quietly 
when a tap that I knew was Estelle's sounded at the 
door; then, with a face perfectly radiant with happi- 
ness, my cousin looked in, saying that Mr. Sherwin 
was in the drawing-room and wished to see dig. 

That was all she waited to say. Estelle was too 
generous too make her happiness seem greater by 
contrasting it with my misery, and, with a sort of 
pitiful wonder at the infatuation that had allowed 
me to think I could stand secure, with Estelle as a 
rival, I went down-stairs to bury at once and for- 
ever the love-dream that had made my life so bright, 
only to leave me at my awakening so utterly desolate 
and lonely. 

I went down-stairs slowly and heavily enough, 



Heaven knows; but enough the drawing-room door 
stood open, Stephen, once so quick to hear my step, 
did not notice my approach, but stood leaning by the 
window, looking out, with a face as happy as my 
cousin's, upon the spot where five minutes before he 
and she had parted, and the pain at my heart grew a 
little harder to bear, as I thought how careless he 
had grown of me, and how utterly ignorant he 
seemed to be of the price that he had to pay for his 
happiness. 

Just for a moment I stood on the threshold not 
because I wavered in my decision, but because the 
decision through which I had to pass was a severe 
one, and my foolish woman's heart never clung more 
closely to its idol than when that idol was about to 
be taken down from its pedestal forever. 

It was only for a moment, though, that I hesitated; 
then, softly closing the door behind me, I went for- 
ward, and he, startled from his reverie, turned round 
and came towards me with out-stretched hands. 

"Why, Daisy," he exclaimed, as with one hand he 
led me to the window, and with the other held back 
the curtain, thus letting the sunlight stream in upon 
me, "what a poor white little flower you look to- 
day! What in the world have you been doing with 
yourself ? I shall have to bribe Hannah to get me all 
those Italian books. I cannot have you growing 
learned at the expense of your health." 

"But Estelle can speak Italian," Iobjected almost 
involuntarily; for, ever since my cousin had been 
with us, my one idea had been to become as good a 
linguist as she was, and I had worked harder at my 
books than was wise. 

"Yes, but Miss Blake learnt it in Italy, and there- 
fore acquired it with a quarter of the trouble it is to 
learn a language from books. Perhaps one of these 
days I shall take a long holiday, Daisy, and you and 
I will work up our Italian together, and we will go 
to Venice and Naples and Rome, and fancy our- 
selves the hero and heroine of all the love-stories 
that ever were written — at least all of those that had 
happy endings. AVhat — you shake your head ! You 
do not like my plan? Why, what a grave little wo- 
man you are to-day! Is anything the matter, dear?" 

"No," I replied quietly; "but I want to speak to 
you. Stephen." 

"And I shall be more than content to listen. My 
time is my own," said Stephen, smiling, "for I have 
taken a half holiday- and mean to spend the rest of 
the day here, if you will have me. But first of all I 
must tell you my father wants you three ladies to 
dine with him next Tuesday. Sir Philip Douglas 
will be with us, and he particularly wishes you to 
meet him." 

Stephen spoke very eagerly, and laid great stress 
on "particularly;" so, for some reason, I understood 
he was anxious we should accept his invitation. But 
I felt I could not do so, and I was about to make 
some excuse, when it suddenly flashed upon me 
that, when Stephen knew of my determination, he 
would no longer urge me to go to his father's; so, 
with a mingling of pride and endurance, I said quite 
calmly — 

"You must thank your father for his invitation, 
Stephen; but before I accept it I want you to hear 
what I have to say." 

"Well, I am all attention; though, when people 
have such mysterious 'somethings' to say, I gener- 
ally find the something very unpleasant. You are 
not going to tell me you like your books so well," 
continued Stephen, half in jest, half in earnest, 
"that you are going to give me up?" 

"No, I am not going to tell you that, but it will 
come to the same thing in the end," I replied brave- 
ly, though as I spoke my heart gave one great throb 
aud then seemed to stand still, "for, Stephen, you 
are going to give me up as you call it." 

Of course, woman-like I had arranged in my mind 
beforehand all that I hhould.say, aud Stephen's reply, 
at this our last interview; but my plans were upset 
from the beginning, for, instead of suddenly appear- 
ing sorry or penitent, he just gave one sharp glance 
at me, and then said quietly — 

"You have been overtasking that busy little brain 
of yours, Daisy, and you are looking on the gloomy 
side of life in consequence. Go and put on your 
hat, dear, and I will take you for a walk." 

But I had borne suspense until I could bear it no 
longer; and so, with a morbid fear that Stephen 
should persuade me to put off the evil day, I re- 
plied — 

"No; you and I will take no more walks together, 
Stephen — at least not until" — and I tried to smile, 
though I knew the attempt was a miserable failure — 
" we have forgotten the mistake we might have 
made." 

"You are speaking too plainly for jest, and not 
plainly enough for earnest, Marguerite," returned 
Stephen gravely; snd I knew he was growing serious 
when he substituted "Marguerite" for "Daisy," the 
pet name by which he hud always called me since 
our engagement. "Now sit down and tell me what 
all this means." 

So I sat down upon the couch, in the same place 
and almost the same attitude in which I had sat and 
i aened to him telling my mother of his love for me, 



and the remembrance brought a gleam of comfort 
with it; for, happen what would, there would still be 
the old patient love that had watched over my child- 
hood to rely upon. With that security for the future 
I could afford to be brave in the present; so I be- 
gan— 

"I wish it were possible to make you understand 
what I want to say to yon, Stephen, without having 
the p;iiu of putting iiinto words; but, as that cannot 
be done, I am going to try, for your sake as well as 
mine, to finish my task as quickly as I can. When 
you told me that you loved me, Stephen, I know you 
did not give me any half love, and I know, too, that 
the change in your feelings has not been your fault, 
for I have seen you striving against it, and I can 
now see that it was impossible it should be otherwise 
Estelle is so beautiful, so fascinating, that I might 
have known it would be impossible for you to see 
her day after day and resist hei influence; and — and 
— do you remember that your happiness rested in 
my hands? Well, I never felt more certain of the 
truth of your words than I do now when I give you 
back your ring. Indeed you must take it," I contin- 
tiuued— for Stephen, sitting with his elbow on the 
couch and his face turned from me, made a ges- 
ture of dissent— "and I shall feel that I have Said 
what I had to say very badly, if I have not made you 
understand that there will be, on my part at least, 
no shadow of ill-feeling with regard to the past." 

"And as to the future? ' he interrogated. 

"Why, you will be very happy, of course, and I 
shall be happy too in the certainty that I have made 
you so." 

"And this will content you, Marguerite?" said 
Stephen, turning towards me, and looking into my 
face with sharp, eager eyes. 

"Perfectly," I replied, wondering at the time how 
I could tell such a falsehood, and even smile over it, 
whilst my heart was aching With an intolerable pain; 
and then I resolutely put the little diamond ring 
that had been Stephen's first present to me into his 
hand and his fingers closed resolutely over mine as 
he said quietly — 

"I think we cared for each other once, Margue- 
rite?" 

"Oh, yes! but people grow wiser as they grow 
older," I replied lightly. 

Everything seemed just then to jar with my mis- 
ero. My canaries were singing their loudest in 
their gilded cage in the drawingroom window, and 
when for a moment they paused I could hear Es- 
telle's voice and guitar in the room above, whilst 
the utter calm of Stephen's manner wounded me a 
little. I had expected him to show some feeling, 
even perhaps to refuse to accept his freedom from 
me, and my pride, aroused by his indifference, 
made me speak very differently from what I had 
intended, and I felt almost angry with him when 
he said — 

"Don't you think it would have been as well to 
wait, Marguerite, until I had told you I had fallen in 
love with Miss Blako? And what am I to do with 
your ring? 

"I thought you would be glad that I should save 
you the unpleasantness of telling me that you had 
learnt to care for some one else; and, as for the 
ring, do what you please with it— give it to Es- 
telle — at least- -" 

"No — if I give Miss Blake a ring, it shall not be 
this one," returned Stephen, as he held my poor 
little ring in his hand and let the sunshine light 
up the diomonds. "Have you said anything to her 
about this — this change in our plans, Marguerite?'-' 

"Certainly not — I have left that to you." 

"Thank you," saia Stephen. "And now, Mar- 
guerite, will you do me a little favor? I have a 
good reason for asking it, and I think, when you 
know it, you will acknowledge it as such. Will 
you take back your ring, and not let any one else 
see any alteration in our manner to one another 
until this day week ? Then I will tell you why I 
ssk this, and I will abide by your decision. • 

"No, I cannot," I repiied — "it is too much to 
ask. I am willing to do all I can to make you 
happy, but I will not act so trying a part any 
longer." 

"Dear, forgive me," said Stephen — and I saw 
his face pale a little as he took both my hands in 
his. I think perhaps he learnt then for the first 
time how much I had suffered, how much I still 
was suffering. "I would not ask this for myself 
alone, but there are others concerned, and I am 
not at liberty to act as I myself would choose to 
act in this matter. It is only just for a week, 
Daisy, and I will render it as easy for you as I 
can — I will make an excuse about business, aud 
will keep away from the house until this day week 
is past. But you will give your mother this note 
from mj T father? I meant to have given it to her 
myielf, and to have begged her to accept his invi- 
ration; but, as that cannot be, I must leave it 
with you, and you will persuade her to come, 
Daisy?" 

Of course in the end Stephen gained his point, 
though I blamed myself afterwards about my folly 
— for the visit to his father's could do no good, 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



407 



and would be prodnctive of a great deal of pain to 
me — and then Stephen rose to take his leave, 
whilst I, only too glad to fiud my ordeal ended, 
made no opposition to his doing so, though I no- 
ticed and uuderstood his wistful look when he said 
good-bye. But, when he was about to stoop and 
kiss me, I felt my face flush as I drew back, and 
Stephen, accepting the implied reproof, bowed as 
he would have done to any other lady, and five 
minutes later I saw him striding down the road, 
whilst I, with passionate pain, felt that my heart 
was breaking, and wondered if any one else had 
ever endured as much as I was then enduring. 

Still I had no intention of letting Estelle share 
my secret, and, when she came into the drawing- 
room an hour afterwards, she found me apparently 
busy with some fancy-work, 

"Why, where is Mr. Sherwiu, Marguerite?' 1 ex- 
claimed my cousin, as she looked round the room. 
"I had no idea ycu were alone. I have been think- 
ing how fortunate it was he came this afternoon, 
when you were so triste, pauvre petite." 

"Mr Sherwin has been gone a long time," I 
replied quietly. "Shall we have our tea, Estelle?" 

"If you like, dear. I will ring for Hannah. But 
Marguerite — " 

"Well, what is it, Estelle?" 

"You have not quarrelled with Mr. Sherwin?" 

"Of course not. What makes you think of such a 
thing, Estelle? Am I such a ferocious person?" 

"You are just the very best and dearest little cous- 
in that ever was; but you look so dreadfully pale to- 
day." 

"Oh, nonsense — you are growing fanciful, Es- 
telle!" I returned, folding up my work. "Do you 
think I shall always have cheeks as red as a milk- 
maid's?" 

"Yes, I hope so," was the laughing reply; "that 
is, if you have a heart as light; and you really ought 
to be happy, for Mr. Sherwin is so good, and — " 

But I left Estelle to finish her reflections alone — 
. they were more than I could bear just then — and for 
the rest of the day I took care not to provoke any 
further discussion respecting Mr. Sherwin's good- 
ness. # 
CHAPTER V. 

My molhcr was not at first very much inclined to 
accept Mr. Sherwin's invitation; it was a long drive 
to Sydenham, she objected, and then she did not cart 
for dinner-parties. But I kept my promise to Steph- 
en, and overruled all her objections, whilst Estelle, 
generally so willing to accept the alternative of stay- 
ing at home, candidly confessed her wish to go; so 
of course my dear unselfish mother yielded, whilst, 
rather to her surprise, in answer to her note of ac- 
ceptance, came a letter from Stephen thanking h<n- 
for complying with his father's request, and saying 
that he was so busy he should be unable to come to 
our house for some days. That difficulty was there- 
fore removed for me; and, if my mother had any 
suspicions of the truth, she made no remark to me 
respecting them. 

Much to my surprise, on the morning after Steph- 
en's last visit to us, Estelle came into my room and 
asked in a hesitating manner if I would lend her a 
dress of mine that I had had made a few days before. 
."Certainly, dear, " I replied; "but what are you 
going to do with it?" 

"I want to take the pattern of it, Marguerite, if 
you do not mind. My dresses are all so plain; I 
have nothing in black fit for a dinner-party." 

"But it will not be exactly a dinner-party, Estelle. 
Mr. Sherwin knows we are in mourning." 

"Yes, But Sir Philip Douglas will be there, and he 
is used to seeing women well dressed." 

"Sir Douglas is a dear old gentleman of sixty," I 
rerflie 1, laughing: "but take the dress, d3ar, and, if 
my fingers are of any use to you, consider them en- 
tirely at your disposal." 

"Thank you. Marguerite; but I am only going to 
make.au overskirt to my black silk dress, and that 
will not take long." 

After that Estelle coaxed my mother to accompany 
her on a shopping expedition that afternoon, and for 
three or four days all her spare time and energy were 
devoted to the making of a dinner costume, concern- 
ing the appearance of which she was so evidently 
anxious that even my mother noticed it, and was a 
little amused at the change in Estelle. 

It would take us more than an hour to drive to 
Mr. Sherwin's, consequently we were obliged to 
start at half-past five; and a few minutes before the 
time Estelle came to my room, saying with a little 
nervous laugh as she did so — 

"Marguerite, I want you to tell me exactly how I 
look." 

("to be concluded in oub next."! 




In the midst of a quarrel—" I don't know 
■what keeps me from breaking your head." 
" Well, I know what keeps me from breaking 
yours. I'm a member of the Society for the 
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals." 



Ep'No communication will be inserted unless the 
real name and address of the writer is given. Any 
fictitious name, or nom de plume, that the correspon- 
dent desires, will be published. The real name is 
only demanded as a guarrantee of good faith. 



Never. — Say die. Do it. 

Fairchtld. — Facts are stubborn things and 
so are mules. 

Osbohn. — Lawyers as a rule live longer than 
ministers. "Whom so the gods love die 
young," you know. 

Thomas. — The San Francisco Gas Com- 
pany charge $3.00 per thousand feet for gas, 
but the Sand-lot leader could supply you for 
one third of that price. 

Hopkins — Wants to know if a hand power 
machine for cutting down trees has ever 
been invented. Yes, sir, there has and it is 
usually called the axe.'SJ 

Querist. — It was Mr. Pixley who wrote: 
"God knows how soon death will claim 
Longfellow and me." We don't believe that 
Mrs. Corlett could equal that if she tried. 

Whittier. — Tou can produce a corn on 
your toe by wearing a very tight boot or a 
very loose one; but we don't believe you can 
raise five tons of corn upon an acre of land. 

Greene. — Tou and all aspiring amateurs 
should recollect that Beethoven commenced 
to loose his hearing at the age of 27. If you 
don't wan't to run the risk of becoming deaf 
drop music. 

Madrasz. — If a gentleman named Much 
was to marry a lady named Moore the child- 
ren of the marriage would not be called 
Most though they might be superlative spe- 
cimens of humanity. 

Lowell. — We do not know of any large 
engraved portraits of Major General Lewis 
at the Battle of Bunker Hill; but we will 
send you a nice chromo of a yellow dog ad- 
miring the sunset, together with the Wasp, 
for one year, for $4.50. 

Medico. — Take two large sized cockroaches, 
dry the same for four hours in a cooking 
stove and pulverise; mix this powder with 
twelve ounces of the fluid extract of geranium 
and drink a thimbleful of the mixture on the 
first and third Sunday of the month. When 
the mixture is used up if you are not relieved 
apply to us again and we will make a fresh 
diagnosis of your case. Our fee for the pre- 
scription is seven cents and a half and, if you 
have the fear of God in your heart, you will 
call at the business office and pay promptly. 



All Fong, a Love-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Hoey 
Fun: 

My ever fragrant daffodil, in my last letter 
I told you that in this and succeeding coin- 
munictions I would endeavor to give you 
some interesting information concerning the 
North American Caucasian as a domestic ani- 
mal, but the occurrence of an event which I 
did not have down in my programme will, I 
am afraid, prevent my reaching that portion 
of my narrative in this epistle. 

When we arrived at our destination — called 
by the barbarians, Chinatown — my friend 
Cog, being a man of infinite resources, spee- 
dily found lodgings for him and I. They 
were situate on the fourth story of a large 
building and our respective accommodation 
consisted of a shelf five feet long by twenty 
inches wide in a room ten by fifteen feet in 
dimension and occupied by thirty other ce- 
lestial so-journers (exclusive of rats and other 
inhabitants not down in the census). Here 
we deposited our baggage and Cog having 
pared a corn on his left large toe — a legacy 
left him, he informed me, by a pair of bar- 
barian boots svhich he had had the misfor- 
tune to wear some time ago — we sallied forth 
to see the sights. 

I could, as we walked along the streets, 
my yellow buttercup, almost imagine that 
we were back in the Floral Kingdom. The 
delicious aromas which were borne upon the 
air, the soothing yells of the "Low Chow 
How" men, and above all the appearance of 
careful economy and thrift, everywhere vi- 
sible, brought tears to the eyes of your ever 
faithful Fong as does the refrain of "Home, 
Sweet Home" bring tears to the eyes of the 
wandering bed bug (especially if followed 
up by the descent of a slipper heel wielded 
by an angelic but cruel hand). 

Having viewed the gorgeousness and ex- 
amined the naked elephant, Cog introduced 
me to the tiger in his lair. Or, in other 
words, he led me up torturous flights of 
stairs and through dark passages (where one 
would think nothing but the inborn ingenuity 
of the Chinaman could follow us) to a room 
where the speculative were playing Fan Tan. 
But we had scarcely seated ourselves before 
a loud commotion occurred on the outside 
and, before we had time to escape through a 
hole cut in the roof for that purpose, a dele- 
gation of stalwart Mandarins clad in blue 
cloth dashed in and we were ignominously 
carried off to prison. And so my .sweet lily 
of the far off valley I must now remain 
Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fong. 



At Wautauga, Ohio, a few days ago, James 
B. Martin, a famous amateur musician, was 
playing the violin at the house of a friend. 
A gentleman came in intoxicated, and while 
Martin was rendering "Grandfather's Clock," 
the drunken individual drew a pistol and shot 
him dead. We have all along predicted that 
some one would get killed while playing that 
tune; and we now prophesy that the next vic- 
tim will be the chap who whistles, "Whoa, 
Emma." — Norr. Herald. 



410 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The Very Freshest Ameriean Hnmor. 

On the tramp — The flea. — Meriden Recor- 
der. 

Nothing was made in vein, except human 
blood. 

Judicious hanging is a need of the times. 
— Chicago Journal. 

A man takes no interest in a bad invest- 
ment- — N. 0. Picayune. 

There is nothing gnu under the sun but 
the horned horse. — Fond du Lac Reporter. 

People who want everything to be in ap- 
ple-pie order are apt to be crusty. — N. Y. 
Herald. 

Who was it that alluded to Joaquin Miller 
as the "poet lariat ?" On that must'ang his 
hopes of fame. — JV. ¥. Graphic. 

Why are a great many New Year's callers 
like Christmas ? Because they come but 
once a year. — Baltimore Every Saturday. 

"How dear to my heart are the seines of 
my childhood," muttered the lazy fisherman 
as he mended the old nets. — N. Y. News. 

A cynical rhapsodist wants to know: 

"What is there so elevating in genius ?" 

Whisky, my friend, sometimes. — N. Y. Mail. 

Custom compels an Icelander to kiss every 
woman he meets. — Ex. If this isn't a slan- 
der we'd like to be an Icelander ourselves. — 
St. Louis Post. 

A policeman is very much attached to one 
member of his family. He has his little 
Billy with him, even when on duty. — New 
Haven Register. 

Opinion of a restaurant keeper on preserv- 
ing the buildings of the Exposition: "Oh! 
blow the buildings! What they ought to 
keep is the visitors." 

When the newspapers of the time cease to 
anuounce "Another Pioneer gone," the Uni- 
ted States may begin to consider itself an old 
country. — N. Y. Com. Adv. 

A man with a cold in his head disliking to 
give vent to his feelings in church, and con- 
sequently gets down on his sneeze while 
there. — Hackensack Republican. 

A profound writer says, "We are created 
especially for one another," and the Boston 
transcript asks, "Why blame the cannibals 
in wanting to get their share ?" 

Coal dealers prefer Newfoundland dogs to 
any other breed. They weigh more, and 
they sit quietly on the cart while the load is 
on the scales. — Detroit Free Press. 

A Pennsylvania youth shot the girl who 
i-efused to marry him. There's another 
proof, girls, of the great mistake you made 
in not being born boys. — Phila. Chronicle. 



We no longer question the propriety of 
considering vessels in feminine gender. 
They run each other down almost every day 
in the English channel. — Turners Falls Re- 
porter. 

Many a man has been known to get rich 
by buying 16 ounces to the pound and sel- 
ling 12 ounces to the pound. It is a poor 
rule that won't work both weighs, they think. 

— Whitehall Times. 

A Birmingham lady having stepped upon 
a tack saved herself from lock-jaw by soak- 
ing the tack in water and burning it in the 
stove. A remedy so simple as this ought to 
be widely known. — Danbury News. 

A young man who may desire to make his 
girl a holiday present of a "crown of jewe's" 
will do well to have the setting as follows: 
D-iamond, e-merald, a-methyst, r-uby, e-me- 
rald, sapphire, t-urquoise. — Yonkers Gazette. 

When a paragrapher gets hard pressed for 
an item with a good point, he invariably re- 
collects that somebody lately sat down upon 
an upturned carpet tack, a bent pin, or the 
business end of a bumble bee. — Rome Senti- 
nel, 

When a dog snaps at a fly that has been 
fooling round him four or five hours and 
misses it, he feels just like a girl who pours 
the full tide of her affection over a young 
man and suddenly discovers that it won't 
soak in. — Ex. 

They were playing euchre, Tom and Laura, 
And when Laura said "See how my heart 
beats?" Tom vows that his attention was so 
distracted that he didn't notice the right 
bower that captured the Jack of Diamonds. 

— Ulica Observer. 

Our Wheeling inventor is getting up a new 
patent chair for dentists. A concealed spring 
in it runs a tack up through the seat, and 
while the patient is howling, and his atten- 
tion is diverted by the attack below, the 
tooth is yanked out. — Wheeling Leader. 

Mother (to daughter who has just given 
alms to a poor tramp) — "Now, what in the 
world did you do that for ? Suppose he 
should buy rum with it ?" Poor tramp (over- 
hearing, and making a low courtesy) — "But 
I promise I will not, ray dear madam. I pre^ 
fer gin. — Oil City Derrick. 

"Goto the d 1!" said an irate house- 
holder to the tenth man who had pulled the 
bell within a half-hour to inquire if he wan- 
ted "his sidewalk shovelled off." "Be 
gorra," said the Hibernian applicant, "I'm 
af reared he has shnow to shovel." He was 



tirely. Och, that I shud iver see the day 
whin I shud be towld to put sich purty flow- 
ers into ould apron, and thin set the same on 
a dacent Christian dinner table! Eut will 
liimself say whin he come home from the 
shtore. I wonder?" — Boston Transcript. 



If a lady meet a lady 

Coming down the street; 
Need a lady tell a lady 

That she looks, "so sweet ?" 
For well she knows, before she gets 

Fairly out of sight, 
She'll turn around and say out loud, 

"What a horrid fright." 

— Elmira Gazette. 

Yesterday an Eighteenth Ward young man 
asked his landlady what kind of a bed the 
new one in his room was. "A spring bed," 
she replied. The youth felt the crop of De- 
cember wheat under his chin as he said, 
"Well, I wish you would put more clothing 
on that bed and make it a winter instead of 
a spring one." — N. Y. Star. 

"Mary, you'll find an epergnein the closet. 
Put this large bouquet in i , and place it in 
the centre of the dinner table." Mary, tak- 
ing the flowers — "Eaix, I'm thinkin', Mees- 
triss Smith has quare idees of itiqnette in- 



A Crazy Telephone. 

The telephone occasionally goes crazy. A 
reporter of the World happening recently 
into a shoe store, between which and its 
wholesale manufactory a telephone has been 
constructed, was amazed to behold the ge- 
nial proprietor with face aflame and eyes di- 
lating, dancing a hornpipe, while to his ear 
he held the speaking tube of the instrument. 
"What the blank, blank, blank does the idiot 
mean?,' he exclaimed to the clerks, who ami- 
ably clustered around him. <?ne does not 
always get a chance t© see a shoe manufac- 
turer dance. Suddenly changing the tube 
from his ear to his mouth, he shouted out: 

"Hang your salt fish; I tell you to have 
those shoes made to button." 

An interval of silence. 

"No, not mutton; button," he shrieked. 

More silence, during which the shoe dealer 
kept the instrument to his ear and seemed to 
the lookers on to be drawing through it fire 
and brimstone, so red in the face he grew. 
Presently in a rage he dropped the handles 
and disappeared into the innner office. The 
reporter thereupon picked up the ear- trumpet 
and was at once saluted with the startling 
question; 

"Have you got those fish I sent up packed 
in ice?" 

"Who are you?" called out the reporter. 

"Who are you?" said the voice. 

"How about those shoes?" 

"A No. 1, 14-3-7 preferred. Take all," 
said somebody softly, as if murmuring to 
himself among the pyramids of Egypt. 

"How many cases have you sent to the 
Anchor Line?" was the thundering response. 

"Cases of what — small-pox?" came mut- 
tered back dreamily — and then the telephone 
quivered under a storm of wicked words. 

"Where are you?" said the reporter. 

"None of your business," replied the first 
voice, and there was a bang as if somebody 
had slammed down the cover of a piano in a 
hurry, after which, more faintly than before, 
the same mysterious whispering of mystic 
numbers went on for a few moments and 
then ceased. It was all very puzzling until 
an agent of the telephone company called to 
explain that the shoe store wire had fallen 
athwart the wires leading respectively to 
Fulton fish market and the Stock Exchange. 



When Prayers Avail. 
An old darkey who was asked if, in his ex- 
perience, prayer was ever answered, replied: 
"Well, sah, some pra'ers is ansud and some 
isn't — 'pends on w'at you axes fo'; jest arter 
de wah, we'en it was mighty hard scratchin' 
fo' de culled bredden, I 'bsarved dat w'en- 
ebber I pway de Lo'd to send one o' Marse 
Peyton's fat turkeys fo' de ole man, dare was 
no notice took ob de partition; but we'en I 
pway dat he would sen' de ole man fo' de 
turkey, de matter was 'tended to befo' sun 
up nex' mornin', dead sartin." 



TILE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



411 




—A contemporary heads an article: "Sui- 
cide or murder, which ?" Both if you like. 

— The Julia mine is said to be in hot 
water. Lot of people who gambled in the 
stock are in hot water, too. 

— W. A. Gamble, a Colusa goldsmith, died 
in his. sleep the other night. It is said to be 
much better for a man to die in his boots. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— " Education In the Convention" is what 
one of our dailies headed an article the other 
day. No wonder Dean Stanley said that 
American papers are not given to veracity. 

— Those of our readers who are in search 
of holiday presents of a recherche nature are 
respectfully invited to peruse the advertise- 
ment of Messrs. Paillard & Co. * 

— Accoi-ding to a continental newspaper, 
occupation is when you take possession of 
something without asking the proprietor's 
leave, and annexation is continuing not to 
ask it. 

— The Burlington Hawkeye is respectfully 
informed that our rates for such an advertise- 
ment as it required would be about S5 per 
inch, and that the subscription price of the 
Wasp is §4 per annum. 

— "The people of Ceara, Brazil, are dying 
at the rate of 600 a day" but undertaker 
Yung says he won't sell that lot and it's 
no use for Crocker to be wasting his money 
in having such lies printed. 

— "Where is that boy of yours at night ?" 
exclaims an Oregon exchange. Why don't 
you know, he is in your parlor with that big 
red headed girl of yours cuddled up in his 
arms and the lamp defiantly burning its 
brightest, too. 

— An Oregon paper speaks of Captain Car- 
roll, of the steamship Great Bepublic, on the 
occasion of the presentation of a testimonial 
from his lady prssengers, only being able to 
express his thanks by looks Wait until his 
wife hears of that. 

— Jacksonville ( Oregon ) possesses the 
champion egg-sucker of the United States. 
He can put away fifty. The Atlantic States 
may get ahead in the matter of poets and 
such like thrash, but when it comes to egg- 
sucking we are all there. 

■ — A Sonoma farmer has just raised a 317 



pound pumpkin. That is.'we have just been 
reading in a Southern paper, that a North 
Carolinian raised 317 pounds of pumpkin on 
one vine and we are bound to keep Califor- 
nia ahead if it bursts every type in the shop. 

His Wife Did " Go In." 

He returned with his wife from a summer 
vacation at the seaside, and he stood in front 
of the house giving a friend a graphic account 
of the season's pleasures. 

" Went in bathing every day," he exclaimed 
enthusiastically. 

"Ah!" responded the friend. " Wife go in 
too?" 

"Oh, yes, every day," said the returned 
vacationist. 

"Can she swim?" queried the friend with 
some interest. 

'* No, she can't," was the reply. " She 
tried and tried to learn, but somehow, she 
didn't get the hang of it. She said she 
couldn't get the right kick, and I let her 
think that was the reason, but the fact was," 
and here he looked up to the house, and sunk 
his voice to a hoarse aspiration — " the fact 
was, she couldn't keep her mouth shut long 
enough to take four strokes, before she'd 
have some silly remark to make, when ker- 
wash — she' swallow a wave, and go plump to 
the bottom," and the husband winked rapid- 
ly as the scene was recalled to mind, and 
and went into the house chuckling with 
pleasure. 

But he hadn't noticed a woman's face peer- 
ing out of the curtains of a raised window. 

The acquaintance saw the front door open 
quickly, saw a hand reach out and grab the 
-seaside boarder by the collar, saw the heels 
of that individual crack as he shot through 
the door, which slammed behind his vanish- 
ing form, heard a wild and stifled noise, as 
of a human body being hauled over a hat 
rack and banged against a wall, and heard a 
muffled voice like unto that of an enraged 
woman say : 

" Take that back and I'll let you up, you 
wall-eyed j-ahoo !" 

And the acquaintance, with a countenance 
of wonder and alarm, passed on, rubbing his 
head in a bewildered manner. 



Very Lively Cider. 

A Norwich man put up twelve bottles of 
cider against the no-license law this season, 
and when he went down the cellar to get a 
bottle for a friend the other night he found 
that five of them had burst. He picked up a 
sound one and returned above stairs. He 
he held the bottle at an angle of sixty-two 
and one half degrees north latitude, between 
his knees, and cut the wires that girt the 
cork. There was a flash and a report, and 
the cork struck the northern brink of his 
wife's left ear, while the entire pint of cider, 
making nearly as good time as the cork, 
struck the expectant friend full in the 
mouth. 

Never having accustomed himself to drink- 
ing cider in this way, that is, on the fly, he 
reminded the dejected possessor of the bot- 
tle that he had been able only to get a smell 



of the liquor, and ndvised him to open an- 
other bottle. The request was complied with 
and the host brought up another bottle, and 
in order to avoid accidents, and also to save 
the cider, he turned the neck of the bottle 
into a pitcher before he cut the wires. Then 
he severed the cords in the presence of a 
small but appreciative and attentive audience. 
The second maneuver, as far as getting the 
cider out of the bottle and into the pitcher 
was concerned, was a complete Buccess, but 
the idea that it might refuse to stay there 
does not appear to have struck him half so 
forcibly as did the cider, when, with unim- 
paired agility and strength, it shot forth and 
raked him from the bottom button of his vest 
to the back part of his hair. About a thimble 
full of the liquid remained in the bottom of 
the pitcher, and this was drank in 6olemn si- 
lence by the guest, who pronounced it to be 
exceedingly good, but nervously muttered 
something about setting the children a bad 
example of extravagance and waste when the 
opening of a third bottle was suggested. 



How It Worked. 

A couple of young men who entered the 
Fair grounds together Tuesday noon were in 
want of a meal, and the one who had his hat 
slanted over the most said : 

"Now, you wait right here till I go round 
a little and see what I can see. I want to find 
an eating stand where the feller is near- 
sighted and then we'll have dinner." 

"What if he is near-sighted ?" asked the 
other. 

"Why, then we'll get some twenty-cent 
pieces off on him for quarters. You never 
traveled, William; you'd let folks beat you 
out of your boots." 

The cute one disappeared, and when he 
returned at the end of half an hour, his hat 
wasn't slanted over half as much and his face 
wore a cheap look. 

"Well, did you find a near-sighted man?" 
asked William. 

"Yes." 

"And did it work?" 

"Worked too blamed well! I handed him a 
half-dollar to change and he swore it was 
only a quarter,, and beat me out of two shil- 
lings !" 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thir- 
ty-five cents a month by carriers. 

VALOWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Maguibe Manager 

Fred. Lyater, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

BRILLIANT SUCCESS OF THE NEW PLAY ! 

SATDEDAY MATINEE 

The original drama in five acts, 

"LOYAL TILL DEATH." 

In Act Fifth, incidental to the pfay, will be danced 
THE GAVOTTE by eight Young Ladies, costumed 
a la Watteau. 

Sunday Evening, Jan. 26th— Benefit of Mr. SAM 
WETHEKILL, 

UNDER THE GASLIGHT. 

In active preparation, the last London Eccentricity, 
HE WOULD AND HE WOULD NOT. 



412 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




This has been a red letter week in Theatri- 
cal affairs. At the 

California Theatre 
We have had J. C. Raymond in that vener- 
able hoary headed absurdity ''Risks." Any- 
thing more idiotic, in the dramatic line, than 
the plot of that piece it would be hard to con- 
ceive. Situations seem to be made for the 
express purpose of permitting "Pemberton 
Pembroke (Mr. Raymond) to break in upon 
them. Why he comes ? and where he comes 
from ? are queries which are left to the im- 
magination to answer. The play is disjoin- 
ted and without any merit. 

At Baldwin's 
The much talke^d of "Loyal Till Death" has 
been produced. The dramatic construction 
of the piece is good, the language is expres- 
sive and the diction elegant; the whole pro- 
duction, however, smacks of Boucicault's 
method of starting original thought. As pre- 
sented at this Theatre Mrs. Pacheco's play 
has received full justice. The first night's 
performance showed that it had been care- 
fully rehearsed and that each member of the 
company had conscientiously studied their 
parts. It is well mounted and likely to have 
a good run. 



At the Bush Street Theatre 
Callender's Minstrel's still hold the boards 
with vile burlesques upon human vocalism 
interspersed here and there with sickly at- 
tempts at humorous sketches. 

At the Standard 
Rice's Surprise Party in "Horrors," in addi- 
tion to Mr. Kennedy's upholstery (now some- 
what faded) and paint, has formed the bill 
of fare. Popular appreciation did not seem 
to be as great as it might be. 

Woodward's Gardens. 

What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ-" 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 

SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



"Old Si" Sees the Relies of the War 
Passing Away. 

Old Si had been sitting by the fire in a 
brown study. 

"De rilicks ob de wah am slowly passin' 
away," he finally remarked. 

"What in the world made you think of 
that ?" 

"Well, Crismus an' New Teah alius makes 
me kinder look back ober de pas'. I sorter 
reviews de track I'se been runnin' on." 

"And what makes you think the relics of 
the war are going?" 

"Lots o' things dat I mought speak ob. 
Fustly, ob yer notis, de bress-works 'round 
hyar is gittin' lower and lower ebery yeah, 
an' sum hez done bin plow'd ober long 'go. 
De rifle pits is mos'ly filled up an' de fotes is 
lebbl'd down fer sicherwashuns fo' bran new 
houses fer fokes ter lib in!" 

"That was all very true — " 

"Yas, an' der ain't so menny widders an' 
orphin's in de Ian', an' speshil shops for pa- 
tint arms an' legs hes drapped outen de 
trade. Dere's mo' dispezishun ter 'list wid 
de melishy, an' dar ain't so menny fokes in 



town wid de rumaiiz an' so'- 



-eyes ! 



"Well, you have been observant!" 

"I looks 'roun whenebber I'se awake, an' 
I got er good pair o' specs! Yes, de freeater 
cums 'long reg'lar now, an' de sirkus arribes 
ebery yeah de same time wid de season ter 
pay yer toxes. Twarnt so in de wah!" 

"Well, now, what next!" 

"Dar's moughty leetle lef ob de wah, now, 
'ceptin' de mancerpashun, 'lectif french-ize 
an' hard time — but we'se gittin' on risin' 
groun' ennyhow, tho' munney is skase an' er 
konfedrit bill ar' almos' ez hard ter git ez er 
greenback." 

"You think times are improving?" 

"Slowly — slowly, but still dey's on de 
mend. Dem equonomerkal paper collars is 
goin' outer fashin, an' Yankee obercoats hez 
disappeared fum de cullud race. Mo' fokes 
is comin' ter town in homespun clo's an' 
trane-lodes of furrin bacon is gittin' shorter! 
Laziness is der las' relick dat we wants ter 
trade off ter sum kuntry, an' den we'll be 
reddy ter pat Juba an' shake wid de res' ob 
mankin'." 

Then the old man got what he was after — 
more egg-nogg. 



An Out-Door Marriage in the Rain. 

A marriage which took place in Pocahon- 
tas Count}', several weeks ago, amid surroun- 
dings that might be expected to dampen even 
the ardor of young love, has just been re- 
ported, and is too good to be lost, even 
though it must be told out of season. The 



SIOIB OLD JUBil 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World, 



swain, a stout young farmer of Pocahontas 
County, after the usual course of smooth 
sparking, had prevailed on the maiden to 
name the day. She fixed an early one, and 
he obtained a license in Pocahontas County. 
The girl lived just over the line in Calhoun 
County. The evening set for the marriage 
was a rainy and dismal one, but the minister 
arrived at the bride's house to perform the 
cermony. All the preparations were made, 
when, preliminary to the ceremony, the min- 
ister asked to see the license. When it was 
shown there was trouble, the minister refus- 
ing to proceed unless they went over into 
Pocahontas County. The house was only a 
few rods from the line, but it was as dark as 
Egypt, and raining by the bucketfuls with- 
out. However, everybody was anxious and 
nobody afraid, and out they went. The mi- 
nister mounted the fence to get out of the 
mud, and wound his legs among the boards 
to brace himself up, the couple grabbed 
hand, and, while the bride's mother held a 
lantern to illuminate the job, the ceremony 
w'as performed. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thir- 
ty-five cents a month by carriers. 



In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMK, $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

«3. UORRELL, 

135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TENT- 
HOltEY & CO.'S MACCARONI and VER- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

janl8-3mos 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 



Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



41; 



Philadelphia Brewery. 

— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 13,1U7 barrels of beer, being 
twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Report, U. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 187!).) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The Hibernia Savings & Loan 
Society, 

N. E. Cor. Montgomery and Post Sts. 

At a regular meeting of the Board of Directors of 
this Society, held this day, a dividend at the rate of 
seven per cent per annum was declared for the period 
ending with the :J 1 st day of December, 1878, free of 
Federal Tax. and payahle from and after this date. 
EDYV. MARTIN, Secretary. 

San Francisco. Jan. 6, 1879. 

DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

Savings and Loan Society, 

619 CLAY STREET. 

At a meeting of the Board of Directors held this 
day, a dividend of seven (7) per cent per annum was 
declared, for the term ending December 31, 1878, on 
all deposits, free of Federal Tax, and payable on and 
after January 15. 1879. 

CYRUS W. CARMANY, Secretary. 

DIVIDEND NOTICES. 

San Francisco Savings Union, 

532 California Street, cor. Webb. 

For the half year ending with December 31, 1878, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of seven and 
two-tenths (7 2-10) per cent, per annum on Term De- 
posits, and six (6) per cent, pel annum on Ordinary 
Deposits, free oi Federal Tax, payable on and after 
Wednesday, January 15, 1879. 

janl-lin LOTELL WHITE, Cashier. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The German Savings and Loan 
Society. 

For the half year ending this date, the Board of 
Directors of "The German Savings and Loan So- 
ciety" has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 
the rate of seven and one-half (7%) per cent, per 
annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of six 
and one-fourth (6)±) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Tax, and payable on and after the 15th day 
of January, 1879. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

San Francisco, December 31, 1878. 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Yosemite Cologne! 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., "Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



NOTICE. 



The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



Skuil&J MUM 

CIGARETTES the Best in the "World. 




The Tailor, 



203 Montgomery St , and 203 Third St., under the 
Russ House, near Bush Stree, has just received a 
large assortment of the latest style goods. 

Suits to order $20. Pants to order from $5. Over- 
coats to order from $15. 

; The- leading question is where the best goods 
can be found at the lowest prices. The answer is at 

JOE I»OK3EI3yi[ 

203 Montgomery St., and 103 Third St- Samples 
and Rules for Self-Measurement, sent free to any ad- 
Fit guaranteed. 



WESXOXf'S 

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No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- deel4-lm 



(jUJ-lJD Outfit tree, 



orker can make *12 a day at home. Costly 
Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 

107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



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dress H. Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine. 



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415 



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THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




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418 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




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SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1879. 

"' 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



One swallow will not make a summer- 
several swallows will cause a fall. 



■but 



The Summer solstice does not commence 
till June 21st, in tbe mean time the fellows 
with nice girls have ail the solace they want. 



Last Sunday's Chronicle contained an in- 
terview with a "Lancashire lass." The en- 
terprising reporter states that the — unsexable 
person spoke in a strong Lancashire dialect, 
and then he proceeds to write up her re- 
marks in the Cockney vernacular. Chawles, 
your young people are getting mixed up. 



Citizens of the United States are, under 
the Burlingame Treaty, entitled to establish 
and maintain schools within the Chinese Em- 
pire. Though Mr. Burlingame's diplomacy 
may be condemned at the Sand-lots, the re- 
cently dismissed school marms must appre- 
ciate the fact that it has supplied them with 
a new field of enterprise where Finance Com- 
mittees and investigations are unknown. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

THE SOCIETY YOUNG MAN. 

He is elegant in his appearance — that is to 
say, he is ultra fashionably dressed. It 
would be unfair to charge him with being 
tastefully dressed because, though that does 
occasionally happen, as a rule he is not so. 
And it would be equally unfair to revile him 
with being untastefully dressed, because he 
is no more responsible for his dress ' than is 
the organ-man's monkey for being clad in a 
red jacket and a cocked hat. The organ- 
man puts those things on the monkey and 
the latter is obliged to wear them. Fashion 
puts a certain dress on the "Society Young 
Man" and obliges him to wear it. Fashion 
obliges him to wear tight pantaloons when 
loose ones would hide the alarming paucity 
of leg with which he is afflicted; fashion com- 
pels him to wear a low collar when a high 
one would suit much better to hide his goose 
like neck, or vice versa. Fashion compells 
him to have the mass of hair, which relieves 
his lantern jaws, cropped down until his 
head resembles a hog's back; fashion com- 
pels him to wear a high-heeled, narrow- 
toed, boot when nature in her wisdom gave 
him a broad-toed, flat, foot. If the result of 
these things is somewhat ludicrous, it should 
be recollected that the young man is not re- 
sponsible for it. If nature had fulfilled her 
duty and endowed him with a brain he 
would, no doubt, have chosen clothes suited 
to his physical condition in defiance of 
fashion; and the fact that the creative power 
did not do fairly by him entitles him to sym- 
pathy. And, under the circumstances, the 
person who laughs at his extraordinary ap- 
pearance does as brutal a thing as he who 
makes the cripple's malformation the sub- 
ject of a jest. 

"The Society Young Man" is sometimes 
rich and sometimes poor. "When he works, 
he does so through sheer necessity. He is 
annimated by no honorable ambition to get 
on in the world. He has no desire for posi- 
tion and power; he cares not for prominence 
amongst his fellowmen. He lives only to 
make calls — and idiotic remarks — to attend 
parties, and theatres, and churches, etc.; he 
goes to a theatre, a church, a lecture, or a 
concert not because he cares for the enter- 
tainment but because his "set" goes there. 
He will go to the opera and sit out "II Tro- 
vatore" with every mark of critical apprecia- 
tion — because he affects to understand music; 
it is evidence of good breeding you know — 
but the feeling of relief which "Wellington 
experienced when Blucher came to his assist- 
ance at Waterloo would be nothing compared 
to that young man's feelings if the orchestra 
was suddenly to break into "John Brown's 
body etc." In sitting out such a perform- 
ance he is acting the part of a gallant mar- 
tyr. If the bravest soldier at the battle of 
Gettysburg had had the same silent instinct 
prompting him to get up and run away as 
that young man has, it is questionable 
whether the valorous soldier would be done 
running yet. In sitting out such a perform- 
ance "The Society Young Mau" is acting the 
part of a hero; and, if he and his kind — im- 



magining that the selection is concluded 
when the fiddler is only stopping, in obedi- 
ence to the score, to count three crotchets, a 
minim, and a demi-semi-squaver — break in 
with enthusiastic applause, as though their 
very souls were moved with delight, and dis- 
turb the enjoyment of the cultured portion 
of the audience, their heroism should be re- 
collected in their favor. 

Here, in San Francisco, the "Society 
Young Man," for the most part, works. He 
does so because, as a rule, his parents are 
too poor to keep him loafing in idleness; that 
is, they have to keep him anyhow, but they 
are too poor to supply him with "the latest" 
thing in cravats and kid gloves and so he is 
obliged to throw himself away in some gen- 
teel occupation. A broker's or merchant's 
office; something of that kind. The number 
of first class idiots, in immense shirt collars 
and plenty of coat tail, who are crowding 
each other in and out of third rate clerical posi- 
tions in this city must run away up in the thou- 
sands. Than the condition of these unfor- 
tunate beings, nothing could be more deplor- 
able. Nearly the whole day long they are 
compelled to be in the presence of intelligent 
people and to make some effort towards per- 
forming useful work, and all that while they 
are longing to draw on their kid gloves and 
soar away to where, what they and their bro- 
ther and sister idiots have been pleased to 
term, "Society" is holding court. 



MRS. AND MASTER CARR'S NEXT BATCH OF 
CONUNDRUMS. 

ORTHOGRAPHY. 

Spell "beat" and state what orthoepical 
differences exist between various English 
speaking peoples in regard to it ? 

Spell "dead" and state what relation it 
holds to the word given in the preceeding 
question ? 

Spell "geoscopy" and state whether jt would 
be a suitable term to apply to a red-haired 
girl? 

GRAMMAR GENERALLY. 

Define what relation grammar holds to the 
use of language, and also whether that rela- 
tion was acquired by marriage, or birth, or 
theft ? 

State what is a noun and whether it costs 
anything to be a noun ? 

Conjugate the verb "To Be" with varia- 
tions on the word "not"? 

State what is an adjective, and also what 
particular two adjectives best qualify a man 
for a position in the Constitutional Conven- 
tion? 

Parse the sentence: "The sun comes peep- 
ing in at morn," and state whether in your 
opinion it is a modest thing to do when the 
place peeped into is a lady's bed-chamber ? 

Analyze and scan the lines : 

"Get up Skillet, there's tar on yer heel, 

Go way nigger man or I'll skin ye like an eel," 

and state your opinion as to their elegance 
and diction ? 

GEOGRAPHY. 

State what is a sphere and whether it's 
good to eat ? 

State how the earth is divided and what 
portion of it belongs to General Cobb ? 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



419 



Explain the resemblance between an Island 
and an oyster in a plate of Church festival 
soup? 

State where Dnalsitaogis situate, also what 
the value of its annual crop of pea-nuts 
amounts to in three cent pieces ? 

Give any information you possess in re- 
gard to Greece, also as to whether potatoes 
fried in it are healthy ? If so, why not, and 
otherwise ? 

PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY. 

What is there peculiar about the gulf 
stream which closely resembles a peculiarity 
in the mind of the inebriate ? 

Why do the mountain peaks point towards 
the heavens when the earth is much nearer ? 

What is the height of the highest rat on 
Mount An'arat, and is there any danger of 
its falling? 

Does the earth ever smoke, and, if so, 
what kind of tobacco does it use ? 

ARITHMETIC. 

How many onions does it take to make a 
baker's dozen ? 

If two beans in each hand and one in the 
mouth make five, why do the heathen rage ? 

Demonstrate how an empty stove equals 
an old maid's heart? 

Calculate the interest which five bummers 
take in an empty beer keg ? 

Prove that the rule of three does not, in 
dividing a mince pie amongst four people, 
leave the fourth man without any ? 

HISTORY. 

Who was Brian Borru, and what opinion 
did his wife's aunt entertain of him ? 

State when President Fillmore was born, 
and why ? 

Who killed the cat, oh ? 

When was Uranus discovered, and what 
was he doing at the time ? 

What year did the grand Potato War take 
place in ? 

'Was General McComb present at the wake 
of Teddy the Tiler? 

Is it true that Major General Lewis was in 
bed while the battle of the Wilderness was 
in progress ? 

What year did Strasburg fall in, and did it 
hurt jtself much? 

When was the tea-cup invented ? 

When was Delhi taken and where was it 
taken to ? 

Were there any fleas killed at the battle of 
Bennington ? 

Who first used an old tooth brush to clean 
the silver ? 

NATURAL HISTORY. 

What family does the Eingtailsnorter be- 
long to ? 

How many tails has a Dandylion got ? 

Does it ever get drunk ? 

State why a mule does not drink tea ? 

GENERAL INFORMATION. 

State what is a Chronological Cycle and 
whether it is good to drink with a little 
sugar and lemon in it ? 

Explain the difference between a gray 
mare, a blackberry bush, and the head of a 
civic corporation ? 

Why does a candidate run for office when 



he has plenty of time to get there by walk- 
ing? 

When did Governor Irwin lose his coat 

button last ? 



1 See Illustration on First Page. \ 
POLICE HUMANITY. 

A few days ago, a couple of tender-hearted 
policemen found a mule suffering from the 
glanders. The glanders is a disease not quite 
so aristocratic as the gout. The gout usu- 
ally attacks two-legged mules, while the 
glanders applies itself to the four-legged 
members of that family. The mode of attack 
is different, too; while the gout, in nine cases 
out of ten, applies itself to the victim's feet, 
the glanders, in about the same proportion 
of cases, will apply itself to the head. Thus 
the aristocratic goes low down while the ple- 
beian aims higer, and this little circumstance, 
hitherto unnoticed, goes to show that the old 
saw, "birds of one feather flock together" is 
not so true as it ought to be. To return, 
however, to the subject of this article, the 
two officers found this mule, his head swol- 
len to an extraordinary size, wandering at 
large. Misery as we all know loves company 
and it may be that the animal finding his 
head had grown out of all proportion to his 
to his body had started out to look for that 
other mule who is also troubled with a head 
too large for his small brain — the sand-lot 
leader. The law officers seeing the unfortu- 
nate animal's sorry plight resolved to take 
him to that blood-thirsty individual, Captain 
Burns, who, being duly authorized, would, 
with the aid of a "Colt's Navy," ferry him 
across the river to that beautiful land where 
there is neither pain nor sickness nor sorrow. 
The illustration on our first page shows the 
procession moving from Francisco street to 
the City Hall; a matter of eight blocks or so. 
The idea does not seem to have struck the 
policemen that it would have been much 
easier to have brought Captain Burns to the 
mule than to take the mule to the Captain — 
perhaps it was afraid to strike them. Judge 
Louderback is so severe upon people other 
than the coachmen of our codfish aristocracy. 



[See Double-page Illustration. 1 

THE SITUATION IN UTAH. 

Behold there is weeping and wailing and 
gnashing of teeth , Rachael — no it ain't either, 
it's Ann Eliza — weepeth for her children 
and refuseth to be comforted. She weepeth 
also, a little, for herself. You see under the 
present regime it is comparatively an easy 
matter to get a sixteenth or a twentieth in- 
terest in a man; but, if this new heresy be 
adopted, or rather if Ann Eliza be compelled 
to return to the old orthodox principle that 
every woman is entitled to have a man to 
herself, the matter will not be so easy. It is 
all very well to say every dog should have 
his day, but, when there ain't enough days 
to go around amongst them, what are you 
going to do ? It is all very well for the law 
to say that every woman must have a man to 
herself, but, when there ain't men enough to 
go around, what are you going to do ? Why 
debar us from the privilege of having a half 



interest in one of the "noblest works of God," 
when we can't get a whole one ? Why deny 
us the privelege of having a fourth interest 
in a man when we can't get a half interest? 
Thus sayeth Ann Eliza. 

The answer to Ann Eliza's queries is brief 
but not particularly witty. It is because that 
mankind has been laboring for a number of 
years to raise itself above the level of the 
brute creation; laboring to cultivate and re- 
fine human nature up to a standard Bome- 
what higher than that of the kine. 

Ann Eliza might aptly reply to this that 
mankind had not been singularly successful 
in its efforts, and there would be a good deal 
more of truth than poetry in her reply. But 
nevertheless it would be a somewhat lame 
argument to say that because the result of a 
number of centuries of labor had not been 
so satisfactory as it might have been the ef- 
fort should be given up. 

On the whole the situation in Utah is not 
at all reassuring for the much married men 
or the partly married women, and, unless 
Apostolic gold saves the structure the poly- 
gamous house is likely to be blown higher 
than a kite — an altitute which, kites being 
somewhat uncertain, we cannot be more de- 
finite about. 



MINORITY REPRESENTATION. 

A bill has been introduced in the United 
States Congress providing for minority rep- 
resentation. This a is move in the right direc- 
tion which itgives us great pleasure to approve 
of, and our approval having been given the 
proposition may now be regarded as an ac- 
complished fact. The proposition is fathered 
by Mr. Springer of Illinois, a gentleman who 
springs from the Democratic party. 

While approving in a general way of the 
principle involved we have one grave objec- 
tion to make to Mr. Springer's bill. It is 
not radical enough. If we understand the 
thing aright every dissatisfied citizen of this 
country is a minority and is entitled to be 
represented in the Halls of Congress. We 
can name in this city sixty or seventy dis- 
satisfied people each one of whom wants to 
be represented and who when asked to name 
their representative would modestly whisper 
their own cognomen. By all means let ■ the 
minority be represented. We don't want to 
go to Congress but we will send Frank Pix- 
ley in our place. 



The San Francisco and Santa Kosa postal 
authorities are requested to rise and explain 
why it is that the Wasp, which is mailed at 
the San Francisco Post Office on each Thurs- 
day evening at about four o'clock, is not de- 
livered in Santa Eosa until the following 
Monday? Arise, gentlemen! Arise! Don't 
be bashful! Has President Hayes reformed 
you? 



The Sand-lot utterances, for the last two 
or three weeks have had an intelligent flavor 
about them, which leads to the inference 
that Chester Hull is again writing the Jack- 
asses' speeches. 



420 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



MUCH J^DO AJBOTIT NOTHING. 




1. Hans Briehman's do« stole a bone and 
retired beneath the bed to gnaw it. 




3. So he bringeth a man learned in do^ 
gishness to examine into the matter. 




5. A rope is brought to tie up the animal 
which is now pronounced dangerous. 





2. Hans is amazed at this desire for soli- 
tude on the part of the canine. 




4. From the plutonian darkness beneath 
the bed comes a sound of crunching bones. 




6. But the bone being consumed he 
cometh out from his hiding place. 







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7. But his would be captora flee from him 
as though he were a plague. 



8. They soon, however, return armed 
from the teeth to the toe nails. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



421 




A tight place — cell No. 9 City Prison. 

A play which every one likes — fair play. 

The latest bonnet may be used for a hat. — 
Ex. Or a dust pan. 

At what season of the j-ear are men most 
liable to get thunderstruck. 

In South America, when you want to at 
tract the attention of a lass, you lasso her. 

The nightcaps mostly used by men now a 
days are not purchased in dry goods stores. 

Another Pompii has been discovered; there 
is, however, but one Wasp and great is the 
profit thereof. 

Bv the way, has it ever occurred to the or- 
thodox faithful to try the effect of prayer 
upon a balky mule. 

"Water in Julia" yells a eontempoiaiy. 
Well, get a doctor and have her tapped. 
The girl's got dropsy. 

A man's character is like a fence, a little 
whitewash doesn't strengthen it much but it 
improves its appearance wonderfully. 

Waistcoats, better known as vests, are still 
in high favor amongst the ladies. — Detroit 
Free Press. With a man inside of them ? 

"Society in search of Truth" is the title of 
a recently published book. It would be safe 
to bet five to one that society won't find it. 

It frequently occurs that a newspaper un 
dertakes to show up some gross wrongdoer 
but suddenly stops on receipt of a check — or 
a cheque. 

New York has a club which consists of men 
with long beards. San Francisco has several 
clubs which consist principally of men with 
dirty finger nails. 

"Whom the Gods love die young" this will 
not apply to Mr. Pickering who, it is said, 
did not commence to dye until he had 
reached a mature age. 

At Port Carbon, recently, a woman was 
burned to death by falling upon a coal oil 
lamp. The moral in this obvious — don't fall 
upon a coal oil lamp. 

When a Doctor gets up at midnight to go 
out and see a patient who never pays his bills 
put him down for an enthusiast — an enthusi- 
ast mind, not a fool. 

"Black velvet bags, beautifully embroi- 
dered and mounted in sterling silver, con- 
tinue to rage." — Fashion Note. Goodness 
alive ! What are they raging about ? 



A woman who smote her husband on the 
eye with a flat iron — of which fact his eye 
will bear perpetual evidence — wants to know 
if- she may not call herself a markman. 

'Everything low down for cash," is what 
an enterprising store-keeper advertises, as 
though people didn't know that everybody 
aud everything would get low down for cash. 

Huxley maintains that man originally had 
a tail. The statement may be true or false, 
but any editor can bear testimony to the fact 
that lots of modern men have tales — for sale. 

Something in a name after all. James W. 
Quick was treasurer of Pike County, Pa. , and 
having gathered in about §10,000 belonging 
to that office, he made off double Quick leav- 
ing the James double TJ behind him. 

The New York limes is alarmed at the ra- 
pid increase of baldness in this country. The 
editor of that periodical has evidently been 
having a look at the Can-Can from the gal- 
lery and dropped his eye upon the para- 
quette. 

In reading the accounts of the trial of Mrs. 
Cobb, of Connecticut, one cannot fail to be 
impressed with the fact that the lawyers en- 
gaged in it were unusually sentimental. At 
least the amount of alleged tears which 
coursed down their cheeks would have 
drowned any ordinary court. 

Some — alleged — ladies are suffering mental 
pain because they cannot wear plain black 
dresses in the street for fear of being taken 
for business women. When a female has to 
rely entirely on the fashion and texture of 
her dress for recognition of her gentility she 
must hold a very poor title to it. 

When a New York wit runs short for an 
item, he simply alleges the occurrence of an 
impossible event — for example, if the weath- 
er be very cold, he states that a man has 
been sunstruck, or if it be very hot, he inti- 
mates that somo one has been frost bitten. 
Out here in the West, however, the empty 
headed paragrapher simply counts up the 
contents of his almost empty purse and states 
the result. The Western habit is decidedly 
the best. In the first place, stating that a 
man hasbeen sunstruck while the thermome- 
ter is at zero, is palpable lying, and lying has 
become too common in this country to be 
funny. In the second place, when the man 
of letters reckons up his wealth at two or 
three dimes, he usually states the actual 
truth ; yet the result seems, to the general 
public who entertain erroneous ideas re- 
garding the profits of the literary hack, to be 
inexpressibly funny. A New York exchange 
can take this hint and send the writer a P.O. 
order for two dollars and a half. 



His First Client. 

He — How-d'y-do? My dear sir, how-d'y 
do? Glad to see yau! Sit down — in the 
rocker! 

Client — My business this morning with 
you— 

He — Very well ! State your case ! I'll be 
happy to counsel you when you are through ! 

Client — Here's the bill that you owe the 
sign-painter. 

He — Er '11 be back in a minute or two. 




G£gr\E/£ergry Review 



Jean Teterol's Idea. — This is a book which 
will cause hair to grow upon the upper lip of 
every human individual who reads it. It is 
therefore safe to surmise that it will be care- 
fully and conscientiously read by the boys 
and as carefully and conscientiously avoided 
by the girls. Jean's idea was simply to raise 
a mustache by means of "Bear's Grease"; 
but :hen he explains his idea in such elegant 
language and supports it by such seductive 
arguments that no human being can read it 
and refrain from trying the experiment. We 
have received private information that the 
writer of this work owns a two-third interest 
in a large establishment where hog's lard is 
metamorphosed into" Bear's Grease." 

Should Fiat Money be Legal Currency t — Is 
the subject which a bald-headed writer has 
made a book about. We think it should, 
and we can give more and better reasons for 
so thinking in one printer's stick full of type 
than this fellow has given in the interests of 

the "Slimy Imps of ," in three hundred 

and eleven pages. If Fiat Money was legal 
currency to-morrow, we would buy a few 
reams of paper and inside of a couple of 
hours we would be a millionare ready to start 
for Europe. Nor would this advantage be 
confined to us. The Sand-lot Jackass, the 
Deputy Sand-lot Jackass — everybody in fact 
— could do so. Everybody could become 
rich and go off to Europe, leaving the con- 
founded old Coast to look after itself. Sick- 
ness and sorrow and hunger would and want 
would vanish when we could all write across 
a piece of paper "This is fifty dollars," and 
compel the bloated grocer to change it for 



Muldoon, the Solid Man. — This is a beauti- 
ful poem written in trochaic feet (not Brown's 
Troches, mind) of twelve inches to the foot. 
This is a new measure in poetry and the re- 
sult is very pleasing, producing, as it does, 
a sweet cadence ten times more enchanting 
than the strains of a Chinese fiddle. The 
sentiment expressed by the verses is of a 
singularly beautiful texture and will wear 
well. This poem may be imprinted upon 
the mind of youth and may, like the Arab's 
steed, be purchased with gold. 

Is He Sound on the Goose Question ? — Is the 
latest contribution to theological literature. 
It is an able dissection of Bishop Kipp's 
views upon that important subject and should 
be in the trunk of every elephant and in the 
library of every lunatic asylum in the State. 
It may be purchased from all red-headed bar- 
bers and — it may not. 



422 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



My Cousin Estelle. 



CHAPTER V.— Continued. 

IN sheer surprise at such a question being 
asked by Estelle, I turned round, with my hand 
still raised with the white chrysanthemum I was 
about to fasten in my hair, and when I stood for a 
moment speechless with astonishment, for in the 
place of my quietly dressed cousin in her plain, 
Quaker-like black robe, stood a stately queen- 
like woman whose dress ruignt as far as appear- 
ances went, have come from the hands of the 
best of Court dress makers. Certainly Estelle 
had employed her time to the best advantage. 
I had no dress that could compare with the one she 
wore, and yet it was only a black silk grenadine, 
looped up and trimmed with large satin bows; but 
her cream-white skin looked whiter by the contrast, 
whilst her beautiful hair, which had hitherto been 
braided in the plainest fashion, was wound round in 
a thick coil. Ornaments of any kind I had never 
before seen Estelle wear; but that evening seemed to 
mark a new era in her life, and she wore necklet, 
bracelets, and earrings of dull dead gold which had 
as I afterwards learnt, belonged to her mother; and, 
looking at her as she stood there, with a strange 
glitter in her eyes and the color coming and going 
in her sweet young face, I felt that Stephen must 
have been more than mortal could he have resisted 
the charm of her wonderful beauty, and my heart 
ached as I answered my cousin's question, and told 
her laughingly that she was "too charming." But 
she interrupted me, and said eagerly — 

"Please don't laugh, Marguerite. I really want 
to look my best this evening. Is there anything I 
can improve?" 

"Positively nothing," I replied; and, as Estelle 
came towards me, I moved a little aside, so that we 
both saw ourselves reflected in the large glass before 
which I had been standing, and I only spoke my 
thoughts when I said — 

"You look like some beautiful queen of the night, 
and I — well, I think I might do for one of the hum- 
blest of your attendant stars." 

"You foolish child!" returned Estelle. 'If I am 
Night, you shall be Morning. Why, there are hun- 
dreds who would envy your golden curls, who would 
not look at my dark hair. Little one," she contin- 
ued, as she put her arm around my waist, "you have 
a poor opinion of yourself." 

"Oh, Estelle, I would give ten years of my life to 
be as beautiful as you are!" 

"Then you would make a very bad bargain," re- 
turned my cousin, smiling; and, Hannah coming to 
say that my mother was ready and the carriage 
waiting, we went down-stairs to be duly criticised 
before being allowed, as Estelle laughingly said, "to 
hide our magnificence" under our cloaks. 

AVe had a very pleasant drive; my mother enjoyed 
the change, whilst Estelle was in the highest spirits, 
though somehow I fancied her gaiety was intended 
to hide excitement of a deeper kind; and, as at last 
the carriage turned up the drive leading to Mr. Sber- 
win's house, I saw her clasp her little hands nerv- 
ously together, and a bright flush come into her face 
that never left it again during the entire evening. 

Stephen was standing on the steps to receive us; 
and when, after assisting my mother from the car- 
riage, he offered his hand to Estelle, I saw him give 
her a qnick, criticising glance, followed by a smile of 
approval, and then I fancied I guessed the reason of 
Estelle's appearance; but he turned to me, and 
clasped my hand with the old lover-like warmth, 
until my unresponsive manner evidently brought to 
his memory the circumstances of our last interview, 
and he dropped my hand, simply saying, "I am 
glad you are looking better, Marguerite;" and, offer- 
ing his aim to my mother, he led her into the house, 
leaving me to follow with Estelle. 

I cannot Bay that I had a very pleasant time of it 
that evening. I had hoped and intended to keep out 
of Stephe'ns way; but in the beginning my plans 
were were somewhat frustrated, for, when dinner 
was announced, Mr. Sherwin, as a matter of coxirse, 
took my mother to the dining-room, whilst Sir Philip 
with whom I had always considered myself an es- 
pecial favorite, paid no attention to me, but offered 
his arm to Estelle; so there was no alternative for 
me but to follow with Stephen, which I did with a 
very bad grace, and my little fit of ill-temper seemed 
likely to last, when Stephen with a queer little smile 
looked down at the tips of my gloved fingers, which 
were all I thought proper to rest on his arm. 

"Have you seen my aunt this week, Marguerite?" 
he asked, evidently for want of something better to 
say. 

"No, but I am going there to-morrow; she has a 
garden-party." 

"Yes, I know, and am sorry I shall be unable to 
go. Let me see. Have you any engagement for 
Thursday morning?" 



"No, I think not." 

"Well if you have nothing of any great importance 
to take you out, I wish you would stay at home, for 
I wish to soeak to you. Can I do so? 7 ' 

"Certainly, if yon wish it." 

"Thank you," returned Stephen; and, having 
reached the drowing-room by that time, and our din- 
ner-party being so small, I was successful in contriv- 
ing that the conversation between Stephen and myself 
should be of the most ordinary description. Many 
and many a time, sinca Estelle had been staying 
with us, had she perplexed and puzzled me, but 
never did she perplex or puzzle me so sorely as she 
did that evening; for indifferent almost to rudeness 
as she always was to gentlemen — Stephen being the 
one fortunate exception to the rule — she was evi- 
dently determined to exert all her fascinations to 
captivate Sir Philp, until even my mother looked 
surprised. Of Stephen Estelle took little notice, 
and, to my utter astonishment, he seemed perfectly 
willing that she should ignore him; indeed I almost 
fancied that he managed skilfully during dinner to al- 
lude to Estelle's artistic tastes, in order to engage her 
in an animated art discussion with Sir Philip; and 
then, when we' returned to the drawing-room, it was 
Stephen who proposed that we should have "some 
music," which vague proposal meant that my cousin 
should play and sing for Sir Philip, aud that Stephen 
should exert all his energies to select all the songs 
that suited Estelle best, and the pieces that were Sir 
Philip's favorites. Certain it was that, whatever 
motives Estelle might have for her conduct, Stephen 
understood them, and did his best to help her in her 
plans, while I, unable to understand what seemed to 
me an aimless game of cross- purposes, gave up the 
attempt and settled down to a game of chess with 
Mr. Sherwin. 

I at least was heartily glad when at last our car- 
riage was announced, and then it was Sir Philip who 
wrapped Estelle's cloak round her, and after placing 
her carefully in the carriage, bade her farewell in a 
manner that was something more than the cordial 
way in which he said good-bye to my mother and 
myself; yet she had seen him only cne, aud, feeling 
a little piqued in spite of all my attempts to the con- 
trary, I leant back in my eornar of the carriage and 
closed my eyes whilst for some reason both my 
mother and Estelle seemed inclined to be quiet too, 
so there was very little conversation; and thus the 
evening, which to me had appeared so long, came to 
an end. 

It was far beyond our usual bed-time when we 
reached home, and Hannah, who was sitting up for 
us, being very sleepy, and rather inclined to grumble 
we hurried to our rooms, and I had nearly completed 
my preparations for the night, when to my surprise 
me door opened, and Estelle, in a white wrapper, 
and with her long dark hair falling round her entered 
my room. 

"Whv, I thought you were asleep, by this time, 
Estelle!" I exclaimed. "Do you want anything?" 

"No, dear; I only came to say good-night." 

"Have you forgotten that we performed that cere- 
mony down-stairs?" I inquired rather maliciously. 

"Oh, I remembered that!" said sho laughing. 
"But I feel so happy that I must speak to some one. 
Marguerite, have we not had a pleasant evening?" 

"Yes, I suppose we have, but I don't think I found 
my game of chess with Mr. Sherwin quite so exciting 
as you found your desperate flirtation with Sir 
Philip." 

"Well, my flirtation, as you call it, was a very se- 
rious matter to me." 

"So it seemed," I replied; "and your being usu- 
ally a very proper person, Estelle, made it more se- 
rious. There — run away to bed, and learn to amend 
your ways. I am really inclined to believe you are a 
dreadful hypocrite." 

"I am afraid I am," said she, stooping to kiss me, 
"but oh, child, you don't know — you can't under- 
stand — and I think I am going to be happy at last! 
Pray for me, Marguerite, that my hopes may come 
true." 

With which incomprehensible little speech Estelle 
left me; and I went to sleep that night in a perfect 
maze of doubts and mystification. 

CHAPTER VI. 

The day following our visit to Mr. Sherwin's house 
proved an eventful one. My mother, to whom even 
a quiet dinner-party was 'an unwonted excitement, 
went out soou after breakfast for an early walk, and 
then Estelle, who seemed fully as unsettled as my 
mother, proposed that we should take a book and 
some work and to the summer-house, and have a 
long quiet morning. 

On that day it was my turn to read aloud, but be- 
fore I had finished a second cdapter, my task was 
interrupted by Hannah, with the announcement that 
Sir Philip Douglas wished to see MisB Estelle. 

With a flush that was almost painful with intensity 
my cousin rose, her littlo white hands trembling 
as she folded up her embroidery carefully — so care- 
fullly indeed that I thought she was trying to collect 
herself before meeting her visitor — and as she fin- 
ished I could not help asking her a little mischiev- 



ously if I should not not come and help her enter- 
tain Sir Ahilip. 

"Not yet, Marguerite — not yet, dear," she replied 
quite seriously; "but I shall not mystify you much 
longer." 

Convinced that, whatever I might learn in the fu- 
ture, I was then totally unable to arrive at any clue 
to Estelle's extraordinary conduct. I settled quietly 
to my reading again, and, becoming interested in 
my book, I neither noticed how long my cousin was 
absent nor heard her returning, until a shadow fell 
on the book and a little white hand was laid on the 
page I was reading. 

"Well, has your visitor departed?" I asked, look- 
ing up with a smile, but, seeing her eyelashes glist- 
ening with tears, I added more seriously. "Is any- 
thing the matter, dear?" 

"No," replied Estelle, choking back something 
that sounded very much like a sob, "but, oh, Mar- 
guerite, I am so unutterably happy! Look, dear!" 
and raising her left hand to a level with my eyes, a 
little gleam of sunlight fell on the wedding-ring that 
glimmered on her third finger. 

Just for a moment I am ashamed to confess I fan- 
cied that Stephen must have deceived me, and that, 
too cowardly to tell me the truth himself, he had left 
me to learn from Estelle that they had not waited for 
my voluntary self-sacrifice to ensure their own hap- 
piness; but, looking up into the sweet tearful face 
bent over me, I felt at least Estelle was innocent of 
any wrong towards me; so, not knowing what to say 
I simply waited for my cousin to speak, and, guess- 
ing the reason for my silence, she hastily brushed 
away her tears, and, sitting beside me, with her 
beautiful head resting on my shoulder, she began her 
story. 

"I wonder whether you will ever forgive me, Mar- 
guerite, and whether you will ever be able to love me 
again, when you know how I have deceived you, 
and under what false pretences I have been living 
with you all these weeks. But, if you are so good 
and truthful blame me, as I know you must, try to 
remember, dear, how young I was, and how unhappy 
my life must have been. When we were staying at 
Menton about two years ago, my father made the 
acquaintance of a young Englishman, Malcolm 
Douglas, the son of Sir Douglas we met at Mr. Sher- 
win's house last night; but how shall I tell you, 
Marguerite, without seeming to reproach the memory 
of my dead father, how he was induced to visit us 
and how, after having been introduced to me, he 
repeated his visits many times? Still less can I ex- 
plain to you, so totally ignorant as you are of the 
world in which we lived, how daugerous those visits 
were; yet, although I did all in my power to warn 
him against coming, though I should have been glad 
for his sake had we never met again, I could not 
help liking him, and feeling more happy in his pres- 
ence than I had telt since I had left my grandparents. 
He was so totally different from the rest of our ac- 
quaintances, he was so sorry for me, so eager to ex- 
press that in his eyes I was a lady in spite of my sur- 
roundings, so determined that in his presence every 
one should treat me with courtesy, that I could not 
but feel grateful to him; and when at last we left 
Meutone, and came, as you know, to London, I 
found that gratitude was but another name for love. 
Well, Marguerite, in a short time Malcolm returned 
to London too; and I was sitting alone one day in 
our dreary lodgings feeling very lonely and miserable 
when he was announced, aud, oh, Marguerite, the 
color that came into my face must have told him how 
glad I was to see him. He said he was come to say 
good-bye; and, finding I was a patient and interested 
listener, he told me by degrees that he had been very 
extravagant during the past year — and I blushed 
crimson with shame as I thought of my father's 
card-parties at Menton where Malcolm had of course 
always been the looser. He said his father was indig- 
nant and urged him to marry. 'But,' Malcolm added 
with a laugh, 'the lady the dear old pater has chosen 
for me is my cousin, and, if she cares for me — which 
I very much doubt — I am quite sure I don't care for 
her, so I am going to adopt the other alternative. I 
have got an appointment at Nice, and I mean to go 
there, and work hard and wait until Amy settles the 
difficulty by getting married herself.' And then — 
how it was I can scarcely tell you, but Malcolm's 
manner suddenly changed — he told me he loved me 
dearly. I know we were wrong, 1 know that I was 
very wrong, but, when he left me that morning, I 
had promised to be his wife before he left London, 
some little time after that I went out directly after 
breakfast, no one asking or caring where; and, 
meeting Malcolm at a short distance from home, we 
were married in a quiet old city church, where a 
sleepy-looking clerk gave me away, a solitary pew- 
opener, who seemed more astonished than grateful 
when Malcolm put half a sovereign into her hand, 
being the only person who uttered a wish for our 
welfare. An hour after Malcolm left me, and I have 
not seen him since; but I know he had been work- 
ing hard, and that he has nobly kept his promise ho 
made me to 'turn over a new leaf.' You know now, 
Marguerite, from whom those long foreign letters 
came so regularly every week, and to whom the an- 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



423 



Bwers lire directed that I always post myself; but you 
do not, you never can know, what a trouble this se- 
cret has been to me. At times I have been almost 
wild with remorse for the share I have had in the 
deception, for even Malcolm scarcely dared to hope 
that hit* father, who is so fastidious in his ideas re- 
specting women, would ever forgive his only son for 
marrying a girl brought up as I have been." 

"Hush, Estelle!" I exclaimed indignantly. "It is 
you who underrate yourself now. Sir Philip ougbt 
to be proud of his son's choice." 

"Thank you, dear, for saying so; bat remember 
you have known and loved me all your life, and Sir 
Philip must necessarily look at the matter from a dif- 
ferent stand point. Malcolm and I knew that; so we 
prepared for the worst. He was anxious not to keep 
our marriage secret a day longer than was necessary 
and I was anxious to help him as much as I could — 
that is the reason I have been so eager to sell my 
pictures." 

"And Stephen?" I exclaimed involuntarily, won- 
dering whether Estelle's story would be as great a 
surprise to him as it had been to me, and, if he 
would bear to hear it. 

"Why, your Stephen has been our best friend, 
Marguerite," returned Estelle, "to whom Malcolm 
and I owe a debt of gratitude that we can never re- 
pay. You know that Sir Philip and Mr. Sberwin 
have been friends since their boyhood, and their 
sons are equally attached to each, other; so, when 
Malcolm knew that I was coming to live with you, he 
wrote to Stephen, and, telling him of our secret, 
asked him to be a friend to his 'little wife.' Can you 
understand now, Marguerite, the cause of the sudden 
change in your finance's manner to me and my be 
havior to him? We would have let Mr. Sherwiu tell 
you, as he several times begged to do, but I was 
afraid j;ou would be indignant, and I knew you 
would not be jealous of me, even though your Steph- 
en was the only man to whom I dared to be even 
commonly civil." 

So Estelle more trustful than I was, in spite cf 
her training, which would have spoilt any but the 
noblest nature, had not suspected my folly, had 
never guessed why I envied her beauty, had been as 
she had always appeared to be, guiltless of a shadow 
of wrong towards me. All my heartaches had been 
as causeless as they had been self-iuflicted; and, 
whilst my heart had grew light with an utterable 
Bense of relief, I wondered what I should say to 
Stephen when he should come to have that "talk" to 
me of which he had spoken. After a little pause Es- 
telle went on — 

"Well, now I am coming to the happy part of my 
story, Marguerite. Sir Philip came up to Londou 
on a visit to Mr. Sherwin last week, aud was almost 
beside himself with the delight at the success of a 
book Malcolm had written. 'I never hoped to be so 
proud of my boy,' he said, with tears in his eyes. 
'It has put ten years on my life. What can have 
changed him so utterly I do not know, but I can see 
the change, and I thank Heaven for it.' And then. 
Marguerite, — oh, dear friend and sister, how shall I 
tell you? — Stephen saw his opportunity, bo he told 
Sir Philip that it was Malcolm's love for me — for me 
who had nothing to bring my husband but my true 
woman's heart — that so altered him and given him a 
purpose in life; and, though he did not tell me so, I 
know he did his best to strengthen the father's love 
against the father's pride, at last succeeding so well 
that Sir Philip said he would see me, and, if his 
judgment approved his son's choice, he would forgive 
Malcolm. Can you wonder, Marguerite, that I was 
anxious to please him, or that I was strange and ex- 
cited last night?" 

"And you did succeed?" I said, growing excited 
in my turn. ■ 

"Oh, yes — and Sir Philip has been here! He 
scolded me a good deal at first, Marguerite, but I did 
not mind it much, for I knew I deserved it. At last 
he kissed me, and called me his dear little daughter. 
So now I'm going to write to Malcolm; and I am so 
happy, and my poor little ring that has been hidden 
away so long, Sir Philip insisted on putting on my 
finger, and I am never going to part with it again — 
never!" 

Then Estelle went away to write her letter, and, 
her story having fairly eclipsed in interest the one I 
had been reading, I put aside my book, and tried to 
find some active employment until my mother came 
home, when, my information being received with as- 
tonishment bordering on incredulity, Estelle was 
sent for to be scolded and made much of and finally 
cried over, Hannah declaring at intervals during the 
day that she never was so much "took aback" in her 
life before, aud that she should not have been mach 
more surprised if she had found out that she was 
married herself. 

How we women managed to go through that day of 
surprise and excitement, I cannot tell; but I know 
that for my part I dreaded still more the one that 
was to follow. What Stephen would say to me, what 
I should reply, and how I should excuse myself, 
were subjects that kept me awake the greater part of 
the night, and sent me down to meet Stephen next 
morning with a crimson face . 



I had been alone in the drawing-room when the 
well-known knock sounded at the door, but I darted 
up-stairs directly I head it, aud tried various little 
stratagems to induce my mother or Estelle to come 
down to entertain my visitor; they were comfortably 
settled however for a long gossip, and, Estelle saying 
at last, with a happy laugh, that they did not want 
me, and were quite sure that Stephen could nol want 
them, I was obliged to go down by myself; and, oh, 
how utterly ashamed I felt when I reached the draw- 
ing-room door, and felt rather than saw Stephen's 
sharp eyes were fixed on my face! 

Fairly at a loss what to say, I did the only thing I 
could do under the circumstances, I waited for 
Stephen to speak. Coming across the room he took 
my hands in his and said quietly, though there was 
a quiver at the corners of his month that made me 
feel more uncomfortable than ever — 

"Marguerite, I am come to say good-bye. Don't 
you think it will be better for both of as to get our 
farewells over as quickly as possible?" 

"Oh, Stephen please don't tease!" I cried in spite 
of all my efforts, I felt the tears coming into my eyes; 
and I suppose Stephen saw them too, for he said in a 
different tone — 

"I am sure I do not mean to tease you, Marguer- 
ite; but did you mean all you said last week?" 

"I meant it4hen; and you would have done the 
same thing in my place. But — " 

"That 'but' is expressive, so — . There — I meant 
to be very dignified and adopt an injured air, to say 
nothing of giving you a lecture you richly deserve; 
but I can't do it, Daisy. The sight of your dear lit- 
tle face, far more beautiful in my eyes than that of 
any other woman, no matter how lovely she might 
be, has banished all my good resolutions. Look 
here, child — what could I do? You know I was not 
anxious to meet your cousin; ana, to do her justice, 
I am sure she troubled very little about me. Still 
when Malcolm wrote to me, telling me of his mar- 
riage, and asking me to do any little thing that lay 
in my power for his wife, it would have been ungen- 
erous not to have done so; and it never occurred to 
me that you would — although I certainly wished to 
share the secret with you — misunderstand my con- 
duct. Why, before your cousin Estelle came here 
you were most anxious that I should be kind to her; 
and then, when I flattered myself that I was comply- 
ing with your wishes, you immediately flew off at a 
tangent, and became jealous — actually jealous!" 

"Well, there was no particular need to have been 
so very demonstrative," I said half involuutarlily, 
as the remembrance of the little scene I had wit- 
nessed in the garden between Stephen and Estelle 
came to my mind — to which outburst Stephen replied 
laughingly — 

"Ah, I half suspected that your cousin's way of 
expressing gratitude had — well, not escaped your no- 
tice, Daisy; but she was so delighted at the idea that 
she should bring no trouble on Malcolm thut 
you must forgive her; and, as for myself — . Well, 
really it was not my fault; and my opinion is that, 
if you meant to prevent anything of the kind in the 
future, you bad better fix the wedding-day for next 
week. I should scarcely think anyone would care to 
kiss my hand after we are married. Has Mrs. Mal- 
colm Douglas succeeded in exculpating herself?" he 
continued. 

"Mrs. Malcolm Douglas knows nothing about it," 
I replied; "and, Stephen, if you tell her, I will never 
forgive you." 

"Oh, I dare not run such a risk as that! But I 
should like to see the expression of your cousin's 
face if she heard the story of your jealousy," was 
the laughing reply, "and I do not know that she 
would feel flattered. Why, Malcolm Douglas is the 
handsomest man I know!" 

"Is he?" I questioned doubtfully, looking into the 
dear face bent over me, and wondering if any one 
could by any possibility be handsomer than Stephen 
— my Stephen, who was so good and true, and con- 
cerning whom I felt I ought never to have the shad- 
ow of a doubt — to which little query my lover replied 
gaily— 

"I warn you, Daisy, Malcolm Douglas will put me 
completely in the shade when he returns to England 
and, unless you are very circumspect in your behav- 
iour towards him, I shall probably get up a fit of 
jealousy in revenge for — . Well, then," he contin- 
ued, kissing the hand that I tried to put over his 
mouth, "I will be magnanimous; but you must al- 
ways remember this, Daisy" — and then Stephen's 
tone grew very serious as he spoke — "I do not love 
lightly, and my first love will be my last." 

So I promised, sealing my words with a few happy 
tears; and the promise has been kept, for my hus- 
band, bending over me as I write, adds his testimony 
to mine that from that day to this no shade of jeal- 
ousy has ever come between himself and me. 



1 THE END. 1 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. 
five cents a month by carriers. 



Thirty- 




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n^No communication -will be inserted unless the 
color of the writer's eye-brows, the date of his — or 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signed by the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nom de plume the writer desires, 
will be published, but the real name and address ia 
demanded as a guarantee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

Grocer. — There is no duty on canned 
grasshoppers. 

Lamar. — We don't know where the house 
that Jack built is located but presume that 
it has been destroyed long since. 

Bonnar. — No, sir. The altitude of the 
price of butter, is no index to the agricultu- 
ral or commercial prosperity of this or any 
other country. 

General. — There are three ways of getting 
taffey; you might steal it, you might buy it, 
or you might beg it. But there is only one 
way of taking it. 

Alex. — Wants to know if we can inform 
him how to make a three-horse "evener." 
We are sorry to say we can't, but we can tell 
him where he will find a four-horse galoot. 

Volunteer. — It has never, to our knowl- 
edge, been alleged that Colonel Jackson 
killed Cock Bobin, but we have no doubt 
whatever, but that he is quite capable of do- 



Puss. — The astute King David has written: 
"All men are liars"; and you can bet your 
boots that the man who wrote Annie Laurie 
wouldn't have lain down and died for all the 
Annies in creation. 

Wall-eyed.— -It was Shakespeare who 
wrote: "There is a tide in the affairs of every 
man which if taken at the flood leads «on to 
fortune." But it is our candid opinion that 
you would realise a fortune much quicker by 
taking one of Bonanza Flood's daughters 
and letting the tides go to Jerico. 

Imbo — Writes to say: "In your interesting 
New York contemporary I find the following: 
'The Senate here showed signs of having had 
enough of Senator Voorhees for the present, 
who promptly sat down'." Would you be 
good enough to tell me who it was that 
"promptly sat down ?" "Who," of course. 

Ignorant. — We don't know who wrote the 
poem beginning: 

"Begorra we are going to carry the State 
If our reformers can get enough to ate." 
But they are very beautiful lines all the same, 
and it will be observed that some of the feet 
are legs, and others yards, which is a new 
departure in the science of versification. 



T/rA 




13P 




42 C 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The Very Freshest American Homor. 

Music of the future — Promissory notes. - 
Ex. 

This is a good time to polar issues. — Chi- 
cago Journal. 

'79," is the way the Bos- 



"Get the behind me, satin," as the actresh 
said when she kicked the train of her dress 
out of the way. — Ex. 

The new cook book, "How to Get a Good 
Dinner," should be in the hands of every 
tramp. — Boston Traveller. 

The writer who uses weak arguments and 
strong epithets is like the landlady who gives 
weak tea and strong butter. 



"Change cars for 
ton Post puts it. 

Make ice while the zero shines, says 
St. Louis Journal. 



the 



A fixed fact — One that gets in a woman's 
head. — Elmira Gazette. 

We've seen storms that were hail fellows 
well met — Boston Post. 

Now is the time to buy thermometers. 
They are seldom so low. 

"Give him the rest of it in a pail" is the 
latest slang among the gamins. 

The shrouding ulster covers a multitude of 
crooked shins.— N. 0. Picayune. 

A photographer belongs to the tin-type of 
humanity. — Pittsburg lelegraph. 

Boned codfish is a good deal like princess. 
It won't do to put too much faith in it. 

Here's the next cold wave: — "Long may it 
wave" — somewhere else. — Norr. Herald. 

A correspondent asks, "Does Darwin's de- 
scent of man throw any light on Adam's 
fall ?" 



"The worst aches will heal."— Ex. The 
beat heels will ache— O'Leary.— N. Y. Gra- 
phic. 

A bad boy— A burglar's "Jimmy." A 
good boy — A policeman's "Billy." — Pome 
Sentinel 

Despise not small things; the largest corn 
is always found on the smallest toe. — N. Y. 
Expiress. 

A clock records time with its hands, but a 
regiment marks time with its feet. — Pittsburg 
Telegraph. 

Sherry is the name of a much respected 
Lynn shoemaker. Probably the original 
Sherry cobbler. 

Never play euchre with a one-armed man. 
He always holds a "lone hand," you know. 
— Norr. Herald. 

The way to make six cents go farthest — 
buy a stamp and put it on a foreign letter. — 
Pittsburg Telegraph. 

"Be active, be active; find something to do, 
if no more than the eating of a twenty cent 
stew. — N. Y. News. 

Time's inaudible and noiseless foot" is 
Bhoed in a boot made on the last of the year. 
— Boston Iranscript. 



Just speak of him as a parenthetical pedes- 
trian. — Hackensack Republican. 

A Paducah (Ky.) paper says money is so 
scarce in that place that even the change in 
the weather is hailed with pleasure. 

It isn't the small boy's whistle per se that 
is objected to; it is the blowing of it that 
arouses indignation. — Boston Transcript. 

"It takes a fellow who has been kicked off 
the front stoop by the irate parent of his girl 
to tell the story of the missile toe." — XJtica 
Observer. 

The man who unexpectedly sat down in 
some warm glue thinks there is more than 
one way of getting badly stuck. — Hackensack 
Republican. 

A New Haven editor announced that he 
had seen "a pure white swallow," and the 
Louisville Courier-Journal suggests that it 
was one of Holland Gin. 

"Rather than touch another drop of liquor" 
said a zealous convert at at temperance meet- 
ing at Alton, 111., the other night, "I would 
take a razor and blow out my brains." 

The affections of the year-old baby for its 
material ancestor i^ second only to its ecsta- 
tic admiration for the fathomless depths of 
the kitchen coal-hod. — Neio Haven Register. 

She sang soprano sweetly — 

Her voice was like a lyre; . 
But on Sunday she ate onions, 

And thus busted up the choir. 

— Wheeling Leader. 

A youth of about twenty winters exhibited 
the respect for age prevalent among the 
vouth of this country by the following re- 
mark: "There's my old father now, he's 
most seventy years old, and knows nearly as 
much as I do." 



game ? Fudge! It's old's the hills. I used 
to play it when I was a little chap no bigger 
ihan a pint of cider." He refers to the time 
when he used to lacrosse the knee of his 
nearest maternal relative and get beaten. 

Fitz Hugh Ludlow, in his narrative of tra- 
vel in "The Heart of the Continent," tells of 
an eccentric genius who improved on the old 
yarn to the effect that "the weather would 
have been colder if the thermometer had 
been longer," by saying he had been where 
"it was so cold that the thermometer got 
down off the nail. 

A plain-spoken woman recently visited a 
married woman and said to her, "How do 
you manage to amuse yourself ?" "Amuse," 
said the other, "don't you know that I have 
my housework to do ?" ' r Yes," was the an- 
wer, "I see that you have it to do, but as it 
is never done I conclude you must have some 
other way of passing your time." 



Three or four played-out New York para- 
graphers are to take to the rostrum next 
month. The lecture field is only one step 
above the tramp. — Detroit Free Press. Dieu 
et mon Detroit! but this must be a slander. 
— N. Y. Com. Adv. 

The proprietor of a building site in . Wis- 
consin advertises his land for sale in this 
wise: "The Town of Poggis and surround- 
ing country is the most beautiful which na- 
ture ever made. The scenery is celestial; 
also two wagons and a yoke of steers." 

In the near future the customer will say 
unto the bar- keeper, "Gimme a cocktail with 
plenty of glucose and citric acid, and not too 
much methyllated spirits," and having tasted 
will say, "Not quite so sweet as I. usually 
take it — a little more muriate of tin, please." 

"Is this a fair?" said a stranger, stopping 
in front of a place where a festival was in 
progress, and addressing a citizen. "Well," 
replied the citizen, "they call it fair, but 
they take everybody in." He probably had 
invested in a ticket in an oyster soup lottery, 
and had drawn a blank- 
Wiggins says: "They have a good deal to 
say about this 'new game of lacrosse.' New 



How an Elopement Was Frustrated. 

An English'girl, near Manchester, tied a 
string to her toe and let it — the string, not 
the toe — hang out the window for a gentle- 
man friend to pull in order that she might 
not miss her music lessons. The rector of 
the church, it is further stated, hearing of 
the arrangement, refused the couple the sa- 
crament. And this reminds us of a little 
story. Once upon a time a young lady de- 
sired to get up with the lark in order to go 
on an eloping tour, adopted the English 
girl's plan, and the lover was to be on hand 
at daybreak to give the signal. The string 
used for the pedal communication was a 
stout cord, and one end was dropped out of 
the third story window into the back yard, 
and the other end, of course, was attached to 
the damsel's great toe. And the legend runs 
that a healthy goat of the William persuasion 
arose early next morning to look for the 
early worm, as it were, and wandered into 
the yard. After eating up all the old to- 
mato cans, barrel staves, and broken crock- 
ery ware, he found the string and took that 
in as desert. As soon as the cord was drawn 
taut, the goat stood up on his hind legs and 
gave the string an impulsive jerk. The girl 
awoke. The goat gave another sudden pull, 
and the maiden jumped out of bed with a 
smothered cry of pain. Then she stooped 
down to detach the cord just as the ridicu- 
lous beast gave another violent jerk, and she 
lost her equilibrium — and her toe, too, al- 
most, the cord cutting into the tender flesh. 
She sprang to the window and called down 
in a hoarse whisper, "Stop pulling, Charles: 
I'll be down in a minute." Then she made 
another effort to untie the cord, but that dia- 
bolical goat gave his head several angry 
bobs, and each time the girl gave a cry of 
pain. Again she softly called out in the 
darkness: "Charles, if you don't stop jerk- 
ing that way I'll not come down at all!" 
She was answered by another savage pull, 
and the cry of anguish that escaped from her 
lips brought her mother into her room with 
a look of affright and a lighted lamp. The 
young lady fainted, the elopement was nip- 
ped in the bud, and the disappointed maid- 
en's big toe was sore for two weeks. The 
goat escaped. — Norr. Herald. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



427 




— The Philadelphia Chronicle says that a 
woman with silk stockings never falls on the 
ice unless some one is looking. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— "Dressmakers protest against short ball 
dresses." — Ex. Tes but they protest a heap 
more forcibly against payments on account of 
those dresses. 

—"A deficit of $23,000 has been discovered 
in the office of the Sheriff of Cincinnati." 
Turn it out! Turn it out! Such a thing has 
no business to be in a Sheriffs office. 

— The keeper of the Spanish Archives has 
resigned because there was no money to pay 
him. This leads to the inference that the 
Spanish Archives, heretofore, must have been 
keeping him. 

-The Zulu King refuses all British demands 
and it is now in order for the News Letter 
to show him up. Show him up old Marriott! 
Don't leave him a shred of character to cover 
his nakedness. 

— "Captain Bogardus and Dr. Carver have 
agreed to shoot a match on the 1st of Sep- 
tember." Shoot a match, to be sure! Why, 
in the name of — of — of — common sense don't 
they shoot a turkey or something useful. 

— The New Tork Star — one of the bright- 
est papers published in that city — has just 
issued an almanac which contains more in- 
teresting and useful informatidn than we 
have ever seen crowded into so small a Bpace. 

— "Joseph Kehoe, father of Jack Kehoe, 
recently hanged at Pottsville, died on the 
12th inst."\ so says the Norr. Herald of Feb- 
ruary 1st, which goes to show that some per- 
son connected with that excellent publica- 
tion is able to look a long way ahead. 

— "A daughter of Grand Duke Michael 
was married at St. Petersburg recently." 
That's the girl we were after, and by gosh — 
Mr. Carr will please pardon our plagiarism — 
now we are mad and we are going to knock 
the stuffing out of the whole Russian Em- 
pire. 

— "We have received private information to 
the effect that Lord Beaconsfield feels him- 
self so much agrieved by an article which 
was published in the Chronicle of Sunday 
last, that he proposes instituting an action 
against that paper to recover damages to the 



extent of three cents, for the defamation of 
his character. He explains that the three 
cents is not exactly the figure at which he 
values his reputation, but he doesn't thiuk 
that the paper in question could injure him 
more than that amount. 

— The Infidel, at Columbia, says the Tus- 
carora Times-Review, has been compelled to 
shut down for want of fuel. After reading 
this statement we were about to remark that 
when the Infidel arrived at that place which 
orthodox theological geographies place some- 
where in the neighborhood of Fiddler's 
Green, he will find plenty of fuel. But just 
at that moment we became aware that the 
Infidel alluded to was not a heterdoxical 
man, but a mine. 

— The North American Review for January, 
is full to the overflowing with excellent ar- 
ticles. "The Fishery Award," by Senator 
Edmunds; "The Solid South," by Henry 
Watterson; and "Substance and Shadow in 
Finance," by ex-Secretary Boutwell, are 
thoughtful papers by able writers. "Cities, 
as Units in our Polity," by W. R. Martin, 
and "The Preservation of Forests," by F. L. 
Oswald, are discussions of two very serious 
questions in our national affairs; and to wind 
up all there is a very readable review of 
"Recent Fiction," by Richard Grant White. 

— A few weeks ago, some sharp sighted 
fellow recognized in a well known and re- 
spected attorney of Olympia, W. T., a de- 
faulter, of 10 or 12 years ago, from Illinois. 
In due course the defaulter was arrested and 
carried off to that State and after inspection 
by a number of its virtuous citizens pro- 
nounced to be the wrong man. In this case 
the arrested man is reputed to be wealthy 
and he will, no doubt, be able to pay his fare 
back to his home; but cases frequently occur 
in which the arrested party is poor and is 
carried hundreds of miles from home to be 
told that it's all a mistake and that he can 
find his way back the best way he can. 



Webster Matched by a Woman. 

In' the somewhat famous case of Mrs. Bod- 
gen's will, which was tried in the Supreme 
Court some years ago, Mr. Webster appeared 
as counselor for the appellant. Mrs. Gree- 
nough, wife of Rev, William Greenough, 
late of West Newton, a tall, straight, queen- 
ly-looking woman, with a keen black eye — a 
woman of great self-possession and decision 
of character — was called to the stand, a wit- 
ness on the opposite side from Mr. Webster. 
Webster, at a glance, had the sagacity to 
foresee that her testimony, if it contained 
anything of importance, would have great 
weight with the court and jury. He there- 
fore resolved, if ' possible to break her up. 
And when she answered to the first qustion 
put to her, "I believe." Webster roared 
out, "We don't want to hear what you be- 
lieve; we want to hear what you know!" 

Mrs. Greenough replied, "That is just 
what I was about to say, sir," and went on 
with her testimony. 

And, notwithstanding his repeated efforts 
disconcert her, she pursued the even tenor 



o' her way, until Webster, becoming quite 
fearful of the result, arose apparently in gre 
agitation, and drawing out his large snuff- 
box, thrust thumb and finger to the very 
bottom, and carrying the deep pinch to both 
nostrils, drew it up with a gusto; and then 
extracting from his pocket a very large hand- 
kerchief, which flowed to his feet as he 
brought it to the front, he blew his nose with 
a report that rang distinct and loud through 
the crowded hall. 

Webster — "Mrs. Greenough, was Mrs. 
Bodgen a neat woman ?" 

Mrs. Greenough — "I cannot give you full 
information as to that, sir; she had one very 
dirty trick." 

Webster — "What was that, ma'am ?" 
Mrs. Greenough — "She took snuff!" 
The roar of the court-house was such that 
the defender of the Constitution subsided, 
and neither rose nor spoke again until after 
Mrs. Greenough vacated her chair for 
another witness— having ample time to re- 
flect upon the inglorious history of the man 
who had a stone thrown at his head by a wo- 
man. 



Off His Mind. 



He might have been drinking a little — just 
a few drops of weak lemonade or something 
of the kind — but yet he looked like a very 
respectable young man as he leaned over the 
counter and inquired for a diary for 1879. 

" We have all styles and prices," replied 
the dealer as he displayed the lot, and in a 
short time a sale was effected. The buyer 
asked for a pencil, and standing at the coun- 
ter he wrote : 

"Jan. 1 — Begin to save $10 a week. 

"Jan. 2 — Love your enemies and be soft 
with everybody. 

"Jan. 3— Give liberally to charity. 

"Jan. 4 — Pity everybody's sorrows. 

"Jan. 5 — Set everyone a good example. 

"Jan. 6 — Don't smoke, chew, drink, play 
cards, Bwear, stay out nights, lie, steal, bor- 
row money, speak cross words, get in any- 
one's way or talk politics. 

"Jan. 7 — But a pair of wings and fly to 
the better land. 

"Thanks for the pencil," he said as- he 
folded the book. " Now that the affair is off 
my mind for a year to come I feel thirsty. 
Won't you come and take something 1" 

BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Magoibe Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger . . Treasurer, 0. Goodwiu 

The Last London Eccentricity Received with 
Roars of Laughter I 

FRIDAY, SATURDAY, and SUNDAY, will be 
acted, 

He Would and He Would Not 

"Tib well to be off with tha old love 
Before you are on with the new. 

— Old Song. 

ONLY "HE WOULD AND HE WOULD NOT" 

MATINEE, Saturday at 2 o'clock. 

MONDAY FEBRUARY 3d 

Reappearance of 

CLARA MORRIS in "ARTICLE 4T." 



428 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The theatrical record of the week does not 
show anything unusually brilliant from a dra- 
matic standpoint or unusually successful 
from a managerial standpoint. 

At Baldwin's 

A piece entitled "He would and would not" 
has occupied the boards. It is described in 
the bills as "the latest London eccentricity"; 
a description which no person will feel dis- 
posed to quarrel with, because it is a most 
eccentric production. The eccentricity, how- 
ever, is of a highly pleasing and amusing na- 
ture. The play is well mounted and seems 
to have been cast in a very happy manner. 
Miss Clara Morris will return to this house 
nest week. 



At the California 
John T. Kaymond in the inevitable "Colonel 
Sellers" has formed the bill for the week. 
The average supporter of the drama must 
have seen "Col. Sellers" personified by John 
T. a few hundred times more or less, and the 
consequence is that the performance has a 
somewhat monotonous flavor. A number of 
people connected with the Stock Company of 
California'renderedMr. Raymond some slight 
assistance in giving this entertainment. 



At the Bush Street Theatre 

Callender's combination of vulgarity flung 
itself about for another week. 



At the Standard 
Mr. Kennedy has presented what he terms a 
reconstructed version of "Evangeline" and 
now if he will reconstruct the people who 
play it he may possibly be able to give a de- 
cent performance. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 

What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, "Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 

SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



f ormances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Oues. 
"H. M. S. Pinafore" is very successful at 
the Standard; New York. 

Owen's Caleb Plummer is well received at 
the Park Theatre, New Yo.k. 

Kellogg bids Boston farewell nest week, 
and is going to Europe soon. 

Minnie Hauk asserts that her salary is 
$500 weekly. All right Minnie. 

The Standard Dramatic Troupe is spoken 
of away out in Pioche, Panaca and Silver 
Reef. 

"The Colleen Bawn" and Boucilault are 
drawing good houses at the Grand Opera 
House, New York. 

Madame Rentz' Female Minstrels are do- 
ing Nevada, and one of the papers thinks the 
show a capital one for "the little folks." 

John Kelley, the "natural violinist and 
vocalist," with his wife, who is an organist, 
concertized at Woodland, Yolo County, last 
week. 

"W. H. McCabe, advance agent for Ma- 
guire's theatrical troupe, is in Salem, Ore- 
gon, making arrangements for the produc- 
tion of "Diplomacy." 

A Boston firm purchased 425 seats for the 
performance of "Joshua Whitcomb," and 
gave one of these to each salesman and sales- 
woman in their employ. 

Bert's dramatic company, "from the Grand 
Opera House, San Francisco,'" gave "Rip 
Van Winkle" at Lobero's Theatre, Santa 
Barbara, on the 21st instant. 

Eliza Weathersby's Froliques pleased the 
Press in San Jose. One paper boldly said, 
"There like was never seen in San Jose, and 
may never be again." 

Mr. Sam "W. Piercey, with Jas. M. Ward, 
Walter Leman and Georgia "Woodthorpe, is 
at the New Market Theatre, Portland. Miss 
Woodthorpe is highly praised by the press. 

"Les Fourchambaults," at the Broadway, 
New York, gave place to "Our Boys" on 
Thursday. On Monday next, George Edgar 
plays "Lear," with Marie Gordon as Cordel- 
ia. 

In celebration of Mr. Herold's twenty-fifth 
anniversary as a musical conductor in San 
Francisco, an extra orchestral matinee will 
be given at Piatt's Hall on "Wednesday, Feb- 
ruary 5th. 

Maude Harrison's brother died on Thurs- 
day; but Maude played the next night rather 
than disappoint the audience. So did Linda 
Dietz, whose stepfather, greatly beloved by 
her, died on Friday. 



|Qm it; 

CIGARETTES the Best in the "World, 



It is stated in an Eastern paper that Joe 
K. Emmet has been committed to the Ine- 
briate Asylum at Binghampton, N. Y., at the 
instance of Mrs. Emmet. Emmet was the 
original and best German dialect comedian, 
the lightest dancer, and the most versatile 
musician, but he was his own worst enemy. 



A Mean Advantage. 

There were a score or more of women gath- 
ered together at Mr. Johnston's house. Mr. 
Johnston is a good-hearted man and a re- 
spectable citizen thaugh he is rather scepti- 
cal in some things. The women had just or- 
ganized "The Foreign Benevolent Society," 
when Mr. Johnson entered the room. He 
was at once appealed to donate a few dollars 
as a foundation to work on, and then Mrs. 
Graham added: 

"It would be so pleasant, in after years, 
for you to remember that you gave this so- 
ciety its first dollar and its first kind word." 

"He slowly opened his wallet, drew out a 
ten dollar bill, and as the ladies smacked 
their lips and clapped their hands, and asked: 

"Is this society organized to aid the poor 
of foreign countries ?" 

""Jes — yes— yes!" tbey chorused. 

"And it wants money ?" 

"Yes — yes." 

"Well, now," said Johnson, as he folded 
the bnl in atempting shape, "there are twen- 
ty married women here. If there are fifteen 
of you who can make oath that you have 
combed the children's hair this morning, 
washed the dishes, blackened the cook stove 
and made the beds, I'll donate ten dollars." 

"I have," answered two of the crowd, and 
the rest said: 

"Whv, now, Mr. Johnson!" 

"If fifteen of you can make oath that your 
husbands are not wearing socks with holes 
in the heels, the money is yours," continued 
the wretch. 

"Just hear him!" they exclaimed, each one 
looking at the other. 

"If ten of you have boys without holes in 
the knees of their pants, this X goes to ths 
society," said Johnson. 

"Such a man!" they whispered. 

"If there are five pairs of stockings in this 
room that do not need darning, I'll hand 
over the money," he went on. 

"Mr. Johnson," said Mrs. Graham, with 
great dignity, "the rules of this society de- 
clare that no money shall be contributed ex- 
cept by members, and as you are not a mem- 
ber, I beg that you will withdraw and let us 
proceed with the routine business. 



Banj o TaughtB^ 

In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMR, $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

C. DKORRELE., 

135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



TILE LLLLXTEATED WASP. 



429 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



Every Grocer should keep J. 1\ TSNT- 
IIOBMOY A CO.'g 1IACCAR0NI andVEK- 

MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

jaulM-:Jnios 

A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, (iO'2 California Street. 



Something New. 
Eeeipes for compounding any kind of Li 
cpuors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Covers for tiling the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 43,107 barrels of beer, being 
twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Report, XJ. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
* beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The German Savings and Loan 
Society. 

For the half year ending this date, the Board of 
Directors of "The German Savings and Loan So- 
ciety" has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 
the rate of seven and one-half (7%) per cent, per 
annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of six 
and one-fourth (6% ) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Tax, and payable on and after the 15th day 
of January, 187'J. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

Sau Francisco, December 31, 1878. 

Use SLAVEN'S 

Tosemite Cologne! 



fiOT T\ Anv worker can make S12 a day at home. Costly 
\X<J±JXJ Outfit free. Address Trub & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



NOTICE. 

The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or auspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



u 4UMmm 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The Hibernia Savings & Loan 
Society, 

N. E. Cor. Montgomery and. Post Sts. 

At a regular meeting of the Board of Directors of 
this Society, held this day, a dividend at the rate of 
seven per cent per annum was declared for the period 
ending with the 31st day of December, 1878, free of 
Federal Tax. and payable from and after this date. 
EDW. MARTIN, Secretary. 

Sau Fraucisco. Jan. 6, 1879. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

Savings and Loan Society, 

G19 CLAY STREET. 

At a meeting of the Board of Directors held this 
day, a dividend of seven (7) per cent per annum was 
declared, for the term ending December 31, 1878, ou 
all deposits, free of Federal Tax, and payable on and 
after January 15, 1879. 

CYEUS W. CARMANY, Secretary. 



WBSTOXV'S 

Bakery and Restaurant, 

No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- decl4-lm 



DTVIDEND NOTICES. 

San Francisco Savings Union, 

532 California Street, cor. Webb. 

For the half year euding with December 31, 1878, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of seven and 
two-tenths (7 2-10) per cent, per annum on Term De- 
posits, and six (6) per cent, pej annum on Ordinary 
Deposits, free oi Federal Tax, payable on and after 
Wednesday, January 15, 1879. 

jan4-lm LOTELL WHITE, Cashier. 



SUBSCRIBE FOR THE 

SAN FRANCISCO 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 

OFFICE, 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER OH THE PACIFIC 
COAST! 



Contains Five Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manuers and Scenery. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR ! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - $4 per Year. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



S^^AU Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



GOLQMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly on 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

KED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOR SALE BY 

ROSBXtT 3BiE£«l«« 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 

412 Sansome Street, - - San Francisco. 




STOP AT 

IImXmS 

729 CLAY ST., opposite Plaza, 
And get your 

HOT COFFEE AND BUTTER CAKES FOR 10 CF.NNTS 

It will refresh you. 

Roast meats of all kinds and game, kept at all 
hours. dec28-2mos 

(jJC 4-/-v *ftO(T^ P er day at homo. Samples worth 85 free. 
<PJ LU q>A\J Address Stixsox & Co., Portland, Maine. 




PIPER-HEIDSIEGK. 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



430 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



Wright's llarkst, 

813 market St., above Fourth. 

Iff K A T S 

Retailed at the Lowest "Wholesale Prices. 

IN GOD WE TRUST ! all others must pay C. O. D. 

E^This Market sells Meat one quarter lower than 
any Market that gives Credit. 

GEORGE HEDGE, Proprietor. 



JOE POH 




The Tailor, 



203 Montgomery St , and 203 Third St., under the 
Kuss House, near Bush Stree, has just received a 
large assortment of the latest style goods. 

Suits to order $20. Pants to order from $5. Over- 
coats to order from $15. 

^ p The leading question is where the best goods 
can be found at the lowest prices. The answer is at 

JOES POHEIJSffi 

203 Montgomery St., and 103 Third St- Samples 
and Rules for Self-Measurement, sent free to any ad- 
dress. Fit guaranteed. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

D. OJkNTT <3fe OO., 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 

107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 

Cif3f5 a week in vour own town. TermB and §5 outfit free. Aa- 
QUu dress H. Hallett &, Co., Portland, Maine. 

WANTED. 



In every City and Town in California, CANYAS- 
SEKS tor the 

Illustrated Wasp. 

Reliable parties out of employment, will find this 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
"Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 

HIBEmKIA 
Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE:— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 



PEESrDENT 

Tioe-Pbesident . 

M. D. Sweeny, 
P. MoAran, 
B. J. Tobin, 

Teeasueeh 

Attobnet 



OFFICERS: 

M. D. SWEENY 

G. D. O'SULLIVNA 

TRUSTEES- 

M. J. O'Connor. 

Gus. Touchard, 

Jo. A, Donokue, 

EDWARD MARTIN 

.RICHARD TOBIN 



C.D.O 'Sullivan. 
John Sullivan, 
Peter Donohue, 



REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society will not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 

The signature of the depositor Bhould accompany his first deposit 

A proper Pass Book will be delivered to the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 

Deposits received from $2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3 

july21-tf ' 



The Finest and Cheapest CLOTHING 
BROTHERS. Men's and Boys' 



R.HOE&CO. 



New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

Where will be found Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT SUPERIORITY of our 

Iiiihograplx 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co'sgenerous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



"We have a large stock of 

Second Hand Presses ! 

—VERY CHEAP— both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



MERCER'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 
w J&. o v q m. v. 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

So. 17 POWELL ST., opD. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

^"Special Attention paid to Country Orders. JP$ 



BALDWIN'S 

ARCADE MARKET 

James Lintott, 
914 MARKET STREET 

— AND— 

No. 9 ELLIS STREET. 



C. D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. It. KE LLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 

PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 certs at piece. 



A. SCHROEPFER, 

AECHITEOT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Room 38. Elevator in the building. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Polk. , 



Henry .A_lirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 

BACK NUMBERS 

OF THE 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete their files of the 
WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
fice. We have reserved a number of copies of each 
issue which can be had at 

Ten Cents a Copy. 



m 



^;.PIPTH& BRYANT STS ^^^ (S^mOdC^, 



and GENT'S FURNISHING GOODS I HOUSE on the Pacific Coast, BOOS 



Clothing, Gent's 



Furnishing 



Goods. 1 35 & 37 Kearny, S. W. cor. Post, S.F. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



431 



San Francisco and North Pacific U. K. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1S78, 
and until further notice, Trains and Boats 
■will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, Washington Street Wharf.) 



3AA P. M. DAILY, [Sundays Included] Steamer 'Minus M 
• vv^ Donahue," (Washington street Wharf), connecting win. 
Mall and Express train at Donahue, for Petaluma, Santa Rosa, 
BeeJdsburg', Cloverdale and wiij stations. Making Stage con- 
nections at Lakevills for Sonoma; at i!eywer\ ilk for Skayc's* 
Springs; at Cloverdale for Ukiah, Lakeport, Mendocino City. 
ami the Geysers. 

tt>i.Co])[ieetknis made at Fulton on following morning for Hor- 
net's, Uuemovi lleai id the Redwoods. Sundays excepted. 

(Arrive at .San Francisco at 10.30 A. M.J 



T-^L Freight received from 7 A. M. to 2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 



A. HUGHES, A. A. BEAN, 
Gen. Manager. Sup't. 



P. E. DOUGHERTY, 
Geu. P. &T. Ag't. 



S3. HICKS <3fc CO., 

BOOK BINDERS 

ANE 

Blank Book Manufacturers, 

543 Clay Street 



jano-tf , 



SAN FRANCISCO. 



Corns, Bunions, Ingrowing 




Nails, Freckles, Warts, Moles, ettectually cured by 
the celebrated. Chiropodists, 

FEISTEL & GERARD, from Paris, 

838 Market Street, opp. Fourth. Parlors 2 and 3, up 
stairs. 



Agent for 



Office in E. E. Haswell's Book Store, 

Fourth Street, between J and K, 

SACEAMENTO, CAL. 



JOHN H. CARMANY & CO., 
New®pmp@r,, B@@k & J@&> Ptlmtem 

409 "Washington Street. 

Publishers of the Commercial Herald and Market 
Review, California Horticulturist, San Francisco 
Market Review (letter-sheet form), "YVine and Liquor 
Herald, Freight Circular, etc. 



Printers of the "WASP. 



novl7-tf 



"YOUTHS' DIRECTORY, 

1417 Howard Street, 

(Maintained by the Citizens of San Francisca.) 

FREE 

M@m@ mmd! lmt§llig@m@§ Bmmam 

For Friendless Boys seeking Work. GOOD LADS 
FOR ANT SERVICE, furnished without charges to 
Employers or Employees. Office Hours - 9 A. M. to 
1 P. M. A. P. DIETZ, Superintendent. 





JJiMi^MiiAMg; 









XUfvK^X. 







~^°i^. "wholesale D EA 7>£r " 










4-52. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 





IIFFICE 



G02CAMFDRNIA ST. 

- N W COR. OF KEARNY ST : 



SanFrancisco, February 8 T .1I879 



-^RECORDED AT SACRAMENTO CAL.; 
BY THE PUBLISHERS OFTHEWA.SP. 




THE LATE 0? LINDERMAN, DIRECTOR WTHE UNITED STATES MINT 



434 



PHE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 

- AT — 

602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 



TERMS- 
CITY SUBSCRIBERS 

Thirty-five cents per month delivered by carrier. 
Single copies, ten cents. 



BY MAIL 

To all parts of the United States, Canada and Britisb 
Columbia, 

(INVARIARLY IN ADVANCE) 

^Postage Free) 

One Year - $4.00 

Sis Months - - $2.00 

Three Months - - - $ 1 .00 



TO ALL PARTS OF EUROPE: 

^Postage Free) 

One Year - - - $5.00 

Six Months - $2.50 

Three Months - - - $1.25 



Notice to Coltntry News Dealers. — The Sau 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmasters. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1879. 



" 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing , 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 

"The boy is father to the man" and "It's 
a wise man who knows his own father" are 
two chunks of philosophy that don't seem to 
agree. 



Counsellor Clark would do well to explain 
by what authority policemen frequently ar- 
rest suspected persons and, after keeping 
them in custody for so long as eight or nine 
days — without preferring charges against 
such prisoners — discharge them without 
bringing the case before a court ? Such 
things have occurred very frequently. 



One of the employees of the Boston Cus- 
tom House has held his position for forty- 
one years. This fact is cited to show the 
utter demoralization which our government 
has fallen into. Under the Republic no per- 
son should be permitted to hold a govern- 
ment position for longer than three months. 
The Civil Service is supported for the pur- 
pose of giving employment to the people and 
one or two favored individuals should not 
be permitted to monopolize it. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

WIDOWS. 

There are men and men, so also are there 
widows and widows. In this community the 
grass widow is the prevailing type. 

The grass widow is a lady who has had a 
husband. Wh >n the marriage was contrac- 
ted it was thought by the parties interested 
that it was originally made in heaven; but 
subsequent marital infelicities upset that idea 
and so they invoked' the aid of the law to di- 
vide their path of life. The grass widow is 
still looking for her affinity. She is search- 
ing eagerly and assiduously for him, and her 
previous experiences have made her very 
cautious. Her affinity is a man of wealth; 
she knows that though she may not know 
him personally. Instinct teaches her that it 
is so. You can always know the grass widow, 
and know that she is looking for her affinity, 
from the fact that she takes an eager interest 
in all strange men and, the further fact that 
if she finds out that fortune has been good to 
them, that interest is redoubled, but if, on 
the other hand, she discovers that misfor- 
tune has been attentive to them her interest 
abates. No affinity was ever found in an im- 
poverished man and there is, consequently, 
no need to give such people more attention 
than is enough to discover their financial 
standing. But amongst well to do men one 
has to scan each individual cautiously, to talk 
to him, to probe him — to, in short, give him 
every chance to show that he is the person 
sought for, or the affinity may be missed al- 
together. 

Next to the grass widow, ranks the mys- 
terious widow. She is a mystery from the 
tip of her dear little caput to the remotest 
point of her sweet little toe. No one can tell 
where she came from or if she came from 
anywhere. Where she was born or whether 
she was ever born no one can say for certain. 
Who her liege lord was and whether the 
King of Terrors or the Judge of the Divorce 
Court separated her from him are enigmas 
deeper, darker, and more unsolvable than 
the origin of man. There is one point, how- 
ever, about which there is neither mystery 
nor doubt — she is smarter than a steel trap. 
The way she can skirmish around for a liv- 
ing is calculated to make the natives stare. 
Where other women would starve she lives; 
and lives well too. Sometimes you find her 
in one occupation, sometimes in another, 
and often in none, but, however, that may 
be, she is always capable of "rustling" around 
after her own seal skin sacques and jewelry. 
She is not in search of an affinity; but, if an 
affinity ballasted with sufficient of this 
world's goods comes in search of her, she is 
liable to recognise him. 

The next class of widows is the real bona 
fide bereaved one. This class has a number 
of distinctly different types. There is the 
young and good looking one. Every look 
and action betokens the terribly lacerated 
state of her feelings. You cannot look upon 
her without feeling your heart throbbing 
with sympathy for her. She looks so sweet 
and so sorrowful that you must necessarily 
console her and try to comfort her. Uncon- 



s iouslv the conviction grows upon iou tl a 
were created for the express purpose of tak- 
ing the dear departed's place. You feel that 
it would be an inhumanity to leave the poor 
little thing to grieve and pine in solitude, 
and then — you jump boldly in and fill the 
gap which exists in her heart. 

Another type of this species of widow is a 
more mature lady. Her grief is not so ap- 
parent as is that of the younger one. Still 
waters run deep, however, and it may be 
that her anguish is too intense to show itself. 
Or possibly grief does not become her so 
well as it does the young one. She does the 
stately business. Her victims are not at- 
tracted towards her by a desire to assuage 
her grief. She spreads her own net and 
hauls them in just as the skillful fisherman 
entraps the shrewdest fish. She draws them 
in and they can't help coming. This type is 
the least dangerous because you can run from 
it; the weeping sorrowful one you must run 
at. 



UNION HAIL. 



The Democracy called a meeting at the 
above hall, on Saturday evening last, for the 
purpose of expressing the approval of the 
people of this Coast at the recent legislation 
on the Chinese question. The Wisp himself 
attended the meeting. The Wasp is opposed 
to Chinese immigration and is ready to do 
anything possible towards effecting its stop- 
page and so he attended this meeting to give 
it influence and tone, so to speak. With 
his usual modesty he walked in and took a 
station at the back portion of the hall and 
awaited developments. 

Old Phil. Boaeh, his face beaming like a 
Baptist parson's at a wedding, came to the 
front of the platform and announced that 
Col. Stuart Taylor would take the chair. 
The sense of the meeting seemed to be that 
the gallant gentleman might take the chair 
and, if he thought fit, the table also. Hav- 
ing availed himself of this permission the 
Colonel gracefully called upon Hon. P. A. 
Boach to address the meeting. That the na- 
tural flow of eloquence which the old man 
possesses was disturbed and impeded was 
quite evident. And the Wasp, listening to 
the remarks of those around him, was not at 
a loss to know why. Twenty years or so 
ago, when the Sand-lot "leeder" was bully- 
ing sailors or deserting his imperiled ship, 
when the Deputy Sand-lot "leeder" was 
playing a fife in front of Her Britannic Ma- 
jesty's — th. Phil. A. Koach had the saga- 
city to perceive and the fearless honesty to 
declare that Chinese emmigration would 
prove a curse to this Coast. The American 
citizens, from France and Limerick and other 
places, who surrounded the Wasp did not 
seem to think it fair to expect Philip to do 
all the talking and so they helped him. The 
result was a little confusing, and the old 
man subsided. He was followed by Harry 
George who calmly observed that the con- 
duct of the audience was such as to verify 
the oft repeated assertion that opposition to 
the Chinese was confined to the hoodlum ele- 
ment; upon which a citizen from France ex- 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



485 



citedly observed to the Wasp: "He not pass 
zebeel," a witticism which excited his risibi- 
lities for the remainder of the time which he 
honored the meeting with his presence. At 
this moment Charles Sumner took the stand 
and a young statesman connected with the 
Eeform Party, who, when not engaged in 
effecting improvements in our system of gov- 
ernment, or revising our treaties with foreign 
powers, "slings hash" in a down town res- 
taurant, arrived. Which event was the most 
important is a matter of doubt. Mr. Sum- 
ner's falsetto tones were beginning to chase 
each other round the room, as their owner 
warmed up to his work, when the turbulent 
and blackguardly element of the audience, 
discovering that their efforts at breaking up 
the meeting were failing miserably, resolved 
to quit the hall: "All wurkin min go out" 
was the order. Apparently the audience 
was largely composed of idlers for out of 
over three thousand people only about two 
hundred responded to that name. Under a 
proper city government advantage would 
have been taken of this admission "to run 
in" the balance of the audience under the 
Vagrant Act. Their appearance belied them 
very much if they were "bloated bond hold- 
ers," and, if they were neither that nor wor- 
kingmen, they were necessarily without law- 
ful visible means of support. We are not, 
however, under a proper city government, 
so the grand opportunity was permitted to 
pass, and the meeting closed in a leisurely 
and orderly manner. 



ernment has been feeding him upon flour 
and beans and clothing him with blankets 
and shoes; and to crown all, licking him 
every now and then because he persisted in 
keeping cold and hungry. What a thing it 
would be for our noble minded, tender hear- 
ted people to find out that their equally ten- 
der hearted and noble minded fathers and 
grand fathers for generations back had gone 
down to the grave with the unjust conviction 
in their minds that the Indian was a worth- 
less blood-thirsty scamp who could not be 
tamed; while all the time the fault lay with 
the government which fed him upon a diet 
which drove the poor devil wild with dyspepsia 
heart-burn, head-burn, foot-burn, tooth-ache, 
ear-ache, nose-ache, hunger and cold, and a 
thousand more complaints. And yet the 
truth and the reality must be something like 
that. If ordinary food and ordinary clothes 
have the effect of nourishing and warming 
the Indian, he ought, according to the ap- 
propriations made by the government, to be 
about as well off as any person on this conti- 
nent; and yet we periodically hear of Indian 
outbreaks occasioned by starvation and cold. 
An investigation in the direction we have 
suggested would be far more interesting than 
the opinions of Carl Schurz and Phil. Sheri- 
dan as to the respective merits and demerits 
of their departments. t 



[See Double-page Illustration."] 
TAMING MR. 10. 

There are various ways of accomplishing 
the same object. Uncle Sam has, as far back 
as the memory of man goeth, been taming the 
Indian. The amount of first class taming ta- 
lent which has been thrown away on the 
worthless savage would have sufficed to re- 
duce an army of monkeys to a sufficiently 
docile condition to render their employment 
as book agents an easy matter — and what 
could be gentler than a book agent? Yet 
the savage is still untamed. He is still as 
wild as any March hare, more especially when 
he is hungry and cold. 

Uncle Sam has provided for his wants lib 
erally and why he should ever be hungry 
and cold seems rather difficult to understand. 
Perhaps it may be that there is something in 
the physical and mental construction of the 
red man so essentially different from that of 
the white man that the things which have a 
certain effect on the latter do not have the 
same result on the former. It may be that 
flour and beans only make him more hungry 
and that government blankets and army 
shoes chill his bones to the marrow. This 
question should be looked into. In a coun- 
try chock full of scientific savants, each one 
burning with eager anxiety to discover 
something or other, such an opportunity as 
this should not be permitted to pass. How 
would it be if a series of experiments were to 
prove beyond doubt that the Indian required 
to be clothed in flour and beans and fed upon 
government blankets and army shoes ! Great 
Guns! And all these years our humane gov- 



cient honesty to make known his "points 1" 
Yea and verily. 



HAS HIS SNOUT EVERYWHERE. 

Blessed be Allah that we have a Sand-lot 
"leeder"; an individual who will reform 
everything. This individual informed his 
honest intellectual audience last Sunday that 
he would supply the city with a man to act as 
law librarian for eighty dollars per month. 
(The present incumbent gets two hundred.) 
As nothing was said about capacity we will 
undertake to supply the office with an incum- 
bent for fifteen dollars per month. Our man 
will be a native of China; he will not know a 
law book from a side of sole leather. He 
may in the course of a month sell, or allow 
to be mutilated, books to the value of two or 
three thousand dollars; that will be no- 
thing. The city will be saving one hundred 
and eighty-five dollars per month on his sal- 
ary which amount will go towards making 
good the loss. He will not be a man who 
has spent years of toil and study in quali- 
fying himself to hold such a position. If he 
does not give satisfaction, we will buy a don- 
key for about two hundred dollars and the 
donkey will not require any salary "at all, at 
all." Nor need the good work stop there 
The County Clerk gets four thousand dollars 
per year. We will undertake to find, in an 
hour's time, a dozen or more hod-carriers 
who will take position for five hundred dol- 
lars per year — and they will be men, too, 
capable of doing more "work" in a day than 
the present dainty fingered incumbent could 
in a week. Mind that! work! real work! 
The only kind of work which entitles a per- 
son to call himself a "workingman." The 
onlv kind of work which entitles a person to 
regard himself as an "honest man." What 
a blessing it is that this community has at 
last found a person with sufficient intelli- 
gence to discover these "points" and suffi- 



UNCIE SAM'S TROUBLESOME BED-FEUOWS. 

Uncle Sam's capacious bed holds a great 
variety of bed-fellows; and quite a number 
of them are rather troublesome by reason of 
the very marked peculiarities which they 
possess. Recently the old man has had his 
patience exhausted by two of them, and the 
result may be seen by referring to our double 
page illustration. His leg is a pretty strong 
one when he chooses to give it a fling, and it 
is just possible that before long he will give it 
a fling on the other side. 

We know, of course, that this country is 
the natural home — the open armed mother, 
so to speak — for the oppressed of all nations. 
That will do so long as the oppressed come 
here and behave themselves in a dutiful man- 
ner; but when they want to turn round and 
lick the old woman, to make her do their 
sweet bidding, in fact, the thing becomes a 
little overpowering and it is just possible 
that the broom handle may be brought into 
requisition. 

The picture to which we referred might be 
attentively studied, and with a great deal of 
profit, too, by a number of people whom we 
could name. If Uncle Sam has the right and 
might to kick out one class of people who are 
troubling him, it is just possible that he might 
extend that right to some others who are do- 
ing their best to make themselves a nuisance. 



OUR NEW CONTEMPORARY. 

The already well filled field of journa- 
lism has received another addition. At last 
San Francisco has a daily paper of which she 
may be proud. A journal which is brimful 
of the latest news; which publishes no inde- 
cent or scandalous matter; which is edited 
with superlative ability; which never tells 
lies; and which never suppresses the truth. 
A journal which is earnest, fearless, and en- 
terprising; which, in short, combines all the 
modern improvements with old fashioned 
stability and veracity. Need it be added that 
we refer to the Daily Sand-Lol. All quarters 
of the globe are laid under contribution to 
9upply the new moulder of public opinion 
with items of news, and subjects for philoso- 
phical discussion. It is unnecessary to add 
that the new paper cannot be bribed from 
the path of duty with gold — nor silver either. 



We have more than once drawn attention 
to the manner in which correspondents 
should address their communications; yet 
every day there comes to us, from people 
who should know better, letters bearing the 
idiotic endorsement "The Wasp." Again we 
ask all correspondents to bear in mind that 
if their communication is of a purely business 
nature — that is in relation to advertisements, 
subscriptions, non receipt of paper, etc., etc. 
— it should be addressed to The Wasp Pub- 
lishing Company. All other communications 
should be addressed to The Editor. In fu- 
ture the editor will take no notice of any 
communication not properly addressed. 



436 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



TRIUMPH OF MIND OVER FORCE. 





1. He goeth for a walk beneath his um- 
brella. 



2. Amid the beauties of nature he taketh 
a nap. 




3. He waketh up to find a lion in the 
neighborhood. 



4. He resolves that he will sell Lis life 
dearly. 





5. Accidentally he openeth the umbrella 



6. And the lion fleeth like a tin-panned 
dog. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



437 




A lady that no one wants to marry — Miss 
Fortune. 

The Glorie de Dijon rose is scarce — so is 
money. 

A wash that lots of newspaper men use — 
hog wash. 

By the way did a marksman ever make a 
bull's eye ? 

Corn has not been so low since 1845. — Ex. 
Never mind it will grow again. 

English laborers have meat once a week. 
California laborers meet once a week, too. 

"Undressed kid gloves." Jerusalem crick- 
ets! what inmodesty! That's worse than the 
Canadian Court. 

Modjeska took the students of the Michigan 
University by storm. — Ex. "Where did she 
take them to? 

The Marquis of Lome was caught at Nia- 
gara by a reporter * * * — Ex. Tame 
him! Tame him! 

A man's full lung capacity is 320 cubic 
inches. A colic struck baby can raise a pres- 
sure of 320 yards. 

The man who stands around waiting to be 
asked to take a drink usually has plenty of 
time but nary a dime. 

It is often asserted that slavery has been 
abolished in this country yet one frequently 
hears of a man having sold his friend. 

Emperor Noeton says he cannot look at a 
pretty woman earressing a little pug dog 
without wishing he was born ugly too. 

"Qdial on toast 1" asked the waiter. The 
hungry man replied: "No sir. No man pos- 
sessed of self respect will quail on toast." 

Linguistic reservation, on the part of an 
impecunious man, amounts to about the same 
thing as an Indian reservation — starvation. 

The difference between the King of Spain 
and the King of Pain is only a little "s," but 
there are more people who want to kill the 
former. 

I'll give you that bight, said the Cap- 
tain, and he pointed to a coil of rope. 
Then the bummer, who has asked for a bite 
to eat, made off. 

It's a little late but still can anyone tell 
what Mrs. President Hayes found in her 
stockings last Christmas morning? Why, 
her legs of course. 

In polite society it's not reckoned the cor- 



rect to ask a lady if she has been eating 
onions for supper, but you can keep away 
from her all the same. 

"Speak to me dearest" was the song he 
used to sing her. Now they have been mar- 
ried about sixteen months and he has chan- 
ged the ballad to "Oh give us less jaw." 

Scientific maniacs have been searching 
and searching all these years for the North 
Pole and it never occurred to any of them to 
enquire when the confounded thing was lost. 

A man who fought with Nelson at Trafalgar 
has just died at Halifax; to a man with a lit- 
tle burr in his undershirt, just about the 
small of the back, this news comes with 
crushing force. 

The will of the majority should always 
rule, especially when the will of the deceased 
has left all the property to one favored indi- 
vidual to the disgust of the other expectant 
relatives. 

Don't all speak together now. "What is 
the difference between a large mass of snow 
and a vessel which has broken loose from its 
moorings ? The one is a drift and the — by 
gum, so is the other. 

Many a man has been hurt by a lumber 
pile falling on the top of him; but, has any 
one ever heard of a lumber pile being hurt 
by a man falling on top of it ? And yet they 
talk about the equalization of forces. 

There is one advantage in having a cork 
leg and that is when you jump out of bed in 
the morning its even chances but that the 
pin which your wife has dropped on the floor 
will run into the foot which has no feeling 
in it. 

Now, not altogether please; but what bib- 
lical garment does a red-headed girl wearing 
a blue polonaise, a white bonnet, a black 
basque, a yellow sacque, a brown petticoat, 
striped stockings, and green gloves, re- 
semble ? 

A lady residing in the Western Addition 
found a burglar in her parlor the other 
night; she promptly knocked the thieving 
rascal down with the brass bound family 
Bible, and yet some people say that the scrip- 
tures have no effect upon the vicious. 

An account is published of how a woman's 
jaws kept working for six hours after she 
took a quid of gum from her mouth, and 
how, eventually, lockjaw set in and killed 
her. It would be in order now to publish an 
account of how the hand which wrote and 
the brain which designed that lie was imme- 
diately paralyzed. 

What is the use in constantly saying 
o'clock ? A person who can't understand 
what 10 clock means should be considered 
knocked out of time. Let the "o' " business 
take a drop. — Detroit Free Press. Yes, but 
to be strictly grammatical it ought to be 10 
clocks, and such an expression would be apt 
to provoke the vulgar retort: "Let her 
clock." The American people should never 
countenance any innovation which is calcula- 
ted to encourage vulgarity. 




7s the A Poperijoy ? — Is a new novel from 
the pen of that proliforous writer of theologi- 
cal small talk — a trollop. We have read An- 
thony's book right through, advertisements 
and all, without skipping a line and we are 
almost tempted to venture the opinion that 
he is a Poppenjoy ; but some subtle influence 
steals over us — perhaps as a result of last 
night's prayer: "lead us not into temptation, 
but deliver us from evil" — and restrains us 
from committing ourselves any further than 
to say that, if he isn't a Poppenjoy he ought 
to be. This book is printed in black ink 
upon white paper and is very dangerous to 
read after a hearty meal of cranberry sauce. 



Ihe Last of the Muldoons. — This is a novel 
descriptive of American life and character. 
It was written with a number 404 Elliott's 
pen and upon very bad paper. These are 
very trifling defects and are not, perhaps, suf- 
ficient to mar the reader's pleasure. In fact 
most readers will not be aware of them, but, 
of course, they could not escape our eagle 
eye. We could, as we perused the work, 
hear every impatient expression which the 
author used when his pen sank through the 
paper. We were, as we followed the thread 
of the narrative, shocked by hearing the im- 
pious imprecations of the printer when he 
came to a blurred and illegible line. Some 
other people may possibly have just as bril- 
liant an imagination as we have — such peo- 
ple should not read this book; and all au- 
thors should recollect that quill pens and 
good manuscript paper contribute largely to 
the success of their labor. 



A Summer Idyl — Is the title of a poetical 
effusion which makes us weep as we read it. 
It commences: 

"There was a man who lived on a hill, 

And if he's not dead, he lives there still, 
This man kept cows and horses and pigs 
And also a tree on which he grew figs." 

There is an Idyl for you. Charles Warren 
Stoddard's happiest efforts read like hog- 
wash along side of those simple lines. Sim- 
ple lines ! yet how full of poetry ! Take the 
first two lines; what a beautiful idea they 
contain? A man lived on a hill; very likely 
he had lived there ever since he was knee 
high to a duck; every daisy and caterpillar 
on that hill knew him — loved him; what su- 
blimity ! This book is for sale by all female 
apple-stall proprietors who have banged hair 



A Popular Mistake. — This is a work in 
which there is a labored effort to prove that 
Christopher Columbus ate cheese. A great 
deal of evidence is produced in order to es- 
tablish the fact, but not one word is written 
to show whether the cheese was maggoty or 
not. The book is incomplete. 



438 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



More Bitter than Death. 



it 



Wl 



CHAPTER I. 

"HAT can people see in Christ- 
mas?" said Philip, Earl Lanraine. "It 
is the same thing over and over again. 
There is one comfort; I can shut it out this year. 1 
need not be annoj T ed with it; I need not look at the 
snow or the holly — I need not listen to waits or car- 
ols The only sounds I cannot shut out is the clash- 
ing and pealing of those church-hells. Still I need 
not listen to them." 

He murmured these words to himself, for he was 
alone this Christmas Eve; neither friends nor kins- 
men were with him. He turned round sharply as the 
door opened and a footman entered with several par- 
cels. 

"These are the diamond pins from Storr & Morti- 
mer, my lord," he said. 

"Unfasten the parcels," directed the Earl quickly. 

But, when the pins lay on the table before him, he 
barely glanced either at the superb stones or at the 
beautiful settings. What mattered a few diamond 
pins more or less to him who had the finest dia- 
monds in England? The glittering heap of costly 
gems lay on the table untouched. 

Half au hour later another servant came in. The 
famous race-horse Girandole, supposed to be the 
finest in France — the winner of the Grand Prix, and 
the Earl's latest purchase— had arrived. He had 
cost a fabulous sum of money, and had been 
brought over to England with far more care and at- 
tention than is often bestowed on a boat-load of pas- 
sengers. 

Most men would have rushed to the stables to wel- 
come such an arrival; the Earl said merely — 

1 Tell Matthews to attend to him; I will see him 
to-morrow." 

Then the post-bag was brought, and the table was 
strewn with notes and letters. 

He looked at them wearily; he selected a few — 
these with coronets on on the envelopes and daintily 
perfumed — the remainder he placed together for his 
secretary, Gerald Dunniore. Lazily and languidly 
he opened those he had kept. Beautiful women had 
written on the perfumed paper; he read them and 
laid them aside. There was one with a dainty scent 
oi violets. 

"From Lady Ethel," he murmured as he broke the 
seal. 

He read tender eloquent words, full of poetry, 
with a tinge of passion, and sighed as he put the 
note with the rest. There invitations to various 
country-houses, to balls, to dinners; but he said to 
himself that he would refuse them all. 

It was quite by an accident that he was alone at 
Rainewold on Christmas Eve. He had promised to 
join a large party at the Duke of Myrtle's; but in 
riding across country, he had injured his foot — so he 
gave up all his engagements and remained at home. 

There came to him a faiut sound of music as he 
sat there; and again he rang the bell. To the man 
who answered it he said — 

' 'Go and tell the waits not to come here — at least 
not to sing. I am not in the humor for it. See that 
they have a good supper, but let me hear no music." 

There was a sound as of muffled footsteps over the 
snow, and then all was still. With something like a 
sigh of relief the Earl took up his newspaper — he had 
almost got rid of Christmas heraldings. But in a 
short time there came floating over the air a soft 
sweet sound — the music of the Christmas bells The 
window shutters were closed, but he could not get 
rid of that music; it came clear and distinct upon 
the frosty air. When the winter wind fell, it was 
loud and distinct; when the wind rose, it was faint 
and low. In one wav or the other, it was always 
there-. He tried at first to pay no attention to it; 
but at last the newspaper fell from his hands, and he 
laid his head back in the chair to think. 

He saw himself a child again in that same room, 
and his fair young mother, left a widow while he was 
yet very young, sitting with the glow of the firelight 
ou her fair face and golden head. He had been 
listening to the Christmas bells for some time, and 
he went to her in his childish perplexity. 

"Mamma," he said, "those bells are speaking; 
what words are they saying?" 

She listened for a few minutes with a smile on her 
face, and then she raised him in her arms and set 
him upon her knee. 

"I can hear them, Philip; they are saying, 'Come 
to heaven, tired souls — come to heaven.'" He re- 
peated the words after he, and found that they har- 
monized with the rise and fall of the bells. "Tired 
souls come to heaven," he sang with them. 

He remembered how his young mother had clasped 
her arms round him, and pillowed his head upon her 
breast. 

"Philip," she said, "you will hear those bells 
every Christmas. At first you will be young and 
strong, full of health, hope, and happines — you will 



not know what 'tired souls' means; but the years 
will roll on, and the hopes of youth will die. These 
curly locks will grow gray, So many hopes, so much 
pouth will be dead, and then you will know what 
'tired souls' means. Little Philip, the bells say 
'Come to heaven.' Promise me that you will lead a 
good life and seek to reach that happy place." 

He promised with the facility of a child; and for 
mauy a long year afterwards the bells had reminded 
him of that promise. His eyes grew dim with tears 
even now as he remembered it. 

"If my mother had lived," he said aloud, "I 
should have been a better man." 

He could shut out the music of the winter wind, 
the gentle beat of the snow, the noise made by the 
leafless swaying boughs, the music of the waits, the 
sweet words of the carol, the shining of the Christ- 
mas moon, the light of the stars; but he could not 
put away the memory of his young mother's face, 
the sound of her voice, the clasp of her arms, the 
plaintive pleading of the bells, "Come to heaven, 
tired souls — come to heaven." 

"I have heard of men haunted by Christmas fire- 
sides." he said. "I must drive dull care away." 

He rang again — this time for a bottle of champagne 
to check the thoughts and memories that haunted 
him. When he tasted it, he murmured wearily — 

"I am tired of champagne." 

Indeed this handsome Earl was tired of everything. 
He suffered from that most terrible ailment ennui. 
He had been spuiled by prosperity, for in all his life 
he had never known what it was to wish for a thing 
and not have it. 

The Lauraines of Rainewold were one of the oldest 
families in England. The Lauraines came over with 
the Conqueror. They had set their foot in the Saxon 
neck." They had possessed themselves of one of the 
finest estates in Sussex, and he called it Rainewold. 
They held it through all changes — all wars. They 
were a fine race — brave, handsome, truthful, loyal 
to the heart's core; but they had the great faults 
that so often go with and mar great virtues. They 
were proud, stern, and jealous. There could be no 
divided hove for a Lauraine, no shared spoils, no di- 
vided honors — all or nothing. The woman who 
loved one of them must have neither eyes nor ears 
for another — the wind must not breath on her, nor 
the sun kiss her face. They were handsome too, 
with a da;k proud beauty. The Lauraine face was 
transmitted from one generation to another, ana pre 
served its chief characteristics. 

Philip, Lord Lauraine, was of lofty and slender 
stature. He had a certain haughty grace that was 
irresistible; he was grand signeur in everything. His 
face was dark, handsome, and proud. In repose 
there was a high-bred serenity about it; but, when 
roused, the beauty of it was superb. It was seldom 
roused now, for he was tired of everything. 

His father died before he was one year old, his 
mother when he was seven. He was left to the 
guardisnship of two distant kinsmen, who had al- 
lowed him to do just as he liked. He went through 
the usual routine of study; he made the usual tours; 
he spent as much money as he liked; and then he 
came of age. The savings of his minority were enor- 
mous. The estate of Rainewold was of the wealthi- 
est; he was one of the richest men in England. For 
a time he enjoyed himself — the novelty of his free- 
dom pleased him; then he grew tired of having so 
much money to spend, and of having three large es- 
tates to manage — grew tired of being flattered and 
caressed, of exercising power, of loving and being 
loved. Beautiful women had loved him — he had 
fancied himself in love; but he grew tired of them all 
in time. Blonde and brunette, grave and gay, he 
loved them for a few days or weeks, and then grew. 
tired. He was just thirty; and he believed honestly 
that there was nothing left on earth for him to enjoy. 
Riches, honors, pleasures — he had enough of them 
all. 

If I die of anything, it will be of ennui," said this 
man who might have made his estate a paradise. 
One of his guardians had told him that he must 
marry; he said it was impossible; and his cousin 
Albert Lauraine came to live with him at Rainewold 
as his next-of-kin and probable neir. 

Marry? Why, he could never love a woman long 
enough — he had loved so many. One of his guardians 
more plainly spoken than the others, told him that 
he had never loved in all his life, and that one good 
hearty, honest affection would make a man of him. 
He smiled to himself. If he could not love Lady 
Ethel Herlstone, he could not love no one. 

He fell ill when the Christmas holidays were over; 
and after his recovery, one of the doctors advised 
him to leave his wealth and his luxary for a time, 
and, if he wished to save lm life, to go on a walking 
tour, so that he could have plenty of exercise, fresh 
air, and a little plain living. Philip, Earl Lauraine. 
did as his doctor ordered. 

A glorious flush of sunlight lightened the Calder 
Woods; a glorious sound of music filled the sweet 
warm air; wave after wave of perfume floated over 
the hills and meadows — for it was one of the fairest 
days of a fair spring. 



Calder Woods were like a picture; the trees were 
all in leaf, the great swaying boughs seemed to thrill 
with life, the leaves were of the lovoliest green, so 
fresh, tender, and delicate in hue. The limes were 
were in blossom, the grand, kingly chestnuts in 
flower, the laburnum drooping its gulden tresses, the 
lilac tossing its fragrant plumes. Under the trees the 
grass grew thick and green; the yellow cowslips, 
pale sweet primroses, aud delicate blue-bells made a 
carpet such as the hand of man coula never weave. 
There were rare colored mosses and beautiful ferns, 
bright winged butterflies, and humming bees in pro- 
fusion. It was worth a year of common life to spend 
one day in the woods of Calder. 

It was a sweet, green, silent kingdom, where the 
voice of Heaven was heard in the ripple of the leaves, 
the song of the birds, the music of the wind, and the 
faint murmur that seemed to float over the grass. 
The great bough entwined themselves, forming green 
corridors that were like huge cathedral aisles; the 
sunlight fell through them, the flickering of the shad- 
ows of the boughs that trembled on the grass. 

Lord Lauraine walked silently through it all. He 
felt the inflnence of Nature's fresh fair beauty. He 
improved, both in body and mind, since the last 
Christmas Eve, when he had shut out the snow and 
the music. He had thought a great deal of his old 
guardian's words, that he needed to bestirred by 
true, honest affection. It was speaking to him, the 
voice of Nature. It had told him many things— that 
he had lived for himself and no other; that he want- 
ed some one to love — some one to love him and make 
his life nobler, purer, and better, 

He walked on until he came to a brook which was 
broad and deep, and which seemed to sing of all the 
beautiful places it had passed through. It sang so 
sweetly, so merrily, that he followed it. It ran from 
among the trees at last out into a level open space 
where water-lilies grew in profusion. There step- 
ping stones had been placed that the country-people 
might cross the brook and so reach the pretty little 
town of Calderwood; and there Lord Lauraine, pass- 
ing from the green shade of the woods into the open 
light of day, saw his fate. 

It was a picture that for beauty and grace was un- 
rivalled. Transferred to canvas, it would have im- 
mortalized a painter. It changed the man who stood 
gazing at it; for he saw in it what he had never seen 
before. Yet it was simple enough. At first he saw 
little but the glitter of golden hair and the scarlet 
gleam of a mantle — a girl, you T jg, tall, slender, with 
rounded limbs and a figure graceful in every line and 
curve, holding on her shoulder a little child as she 
moved to cross the brook. Her arms, bare to the 
elbow, would have charmed a sculptor; the whole 
figure was full of hfe und grace. Th* 1 bare white feet 
were perfect — the water flowed over them and seemed 
to kiss them. 

"She has a figure like the Diana at the Louvre!.' 
he said to himself. 

She went from one stone to another, and he saw 
her face. 

She was a young girl, as lovely as lovely as the 
dream of a poet — a girl superb in her beauty — a 
fair sweet face with lovely red lips hair that fell 
in golden waves over her shoulders, and eyes of 
the deepest, darkest blue, with long siik fringes, a 
brow white, clear, unruffled, and poetical. He Had 
seen beautiful women by the hundred but none 
like this. Looking at her, he could not take his 
eyes from her. He did not know what was come 
over him — nor did he core. His only idea was — if 
he could but look at that face for ever! 

She did not see him. She laughed with delight 
as the water rippled up to her. She swung the 
child from one shoulder to the other, talking to 
him, laughing with him. Lord Lauraine was charmed 
with the picture; he stood and watched her for 
some time. What was she going to do in this run- 
ning, rippling brook? He soon saw. When she 
came to the third stone, she took the child from 
her shoulder — he was only loosely clad — aud held 
him so that the water flowed over him; and the 
little one was delighted with this open air bath. 

Lord Lauraine did not understand why he could 
not leave her — why he must stand there watching 
her. What was she to him? He saw the glitter of 
the golden hair, the gleam of a smile, thfi red lips 
lavishing kisses on the child. Who was she? Why 
should she cast such a spell over him? 

They were on the other side of tho brook now. 
She dressed the little child, and then she put on her 
own shoes. With a laugh she caught up the little 
one, but Lord Lauraine could not hear what she 
said. * 

"I will be a lotus-eater," he said to himself. "I 
will lie here in the shade and watch her. I could 
imagine that Venus had come to earth, and donned 
a country dress to play with Cupid. I may never 
see such' a picture again. I will look at her while I 
can, and then go away and forget her." 

So he said to himself in his blindness. He had 
yet to find out that he could never forget her again. 

Until the sun set she played with the child by the 
brook-side. Once the little oue fell asleep. She 
clasped him in her arms laid his head upon her 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



439 



breast, humming sweetest words; then she sang a 
lullaby ?o sweet that Lord Luuruine's heart softened 
ns be listened. She laid her yonug face on the roBy 
flushed face of the child, loving and caressing hiiu 
even in his sleep. 

He could not have told why, but, aa he sat there 
watching them both, bitter passionate jealousy of 
tin- child she was caressing entered his heart. He 
could have taken the child from her arms and dung 
liim aside. Why were those sweet baresses — those 
loving kisses — given to that child? He could not be 
her own Burely? She looked so young, and the little 
one was at least two years old; yet, if not her own, 
why should he rest upon her bosom? He tried to 
laugh at himself; the Lauraine jealousy lived in him 
aftei nil. Of none of the beautiful women he be- 
lieved he had ever loved had he ever felt jealous; 
and n >w his face flushed with jealousy over a child. 
His face flushed again as he said to himself that with 
Lauraines love and jealousy went hand in hand. 
Love? Why, granted that this tall fair-haired girl 
was gracefel and beautiful as Venus herself, she was 
but a daughter of the people! 

Presently she rnised the child, and they went 
away together. 

At quickly as possible he crossed the brook and 
followed her. She went through the wood, out at 
the white gate where the tall ferns and the larkspur 
grew down the high-road where the elms cast such 
grateful shade right into the pretty town of Calder- 
wood. He saw her stop and speak to a little girl, and 
then she disappeared at the end of the stert. Lord 
Lauraine did the most sensible thing under the cir- 
cumstance — he spoke to the girl. 

"Who is that," he said — "what is her name — she 
who had just spoken to you?" 

The girl opeued her eyes widely. 
'"That is Gladys Hartland," she replied. 

Gladys! He might have guessed she had some 
such name, full of poetry and passion, with a ring of 
sweet wild music in it. He said to himself that the 
name just suited her. 

"Gladys Hartland," he repeated. "And is that 
her little child?" 

"Yes, that is her boy; Leo she calls him — mother 
says it is an outlandish name." 

He hesitated a moment before he asked the next 
question. Seeing mother and child alone, it had not 
occurred to him that a husband might be somewhere 
near. He felt that it would be a blow to him if it 
were so — yet why? 

"Who is Gladys Hartland?" he asked. "Does she 
live with her mother or husband?" 

"She lives alone; her husband is dead," was the 
reply. "She lives in Grant's Cottages — the end one 
near the field. 

One more question and his inquiries would cease. 

"What was her husband?" 

"He lived at the little farm on the road to Inder- 
vale — but he is dead." 

"So you told me. Now here is a shilling for you. 
Will you show me the road to Indervale?" 

He did not waut the child to say that he had been 
asking questions about Gladys — people might make 
unpleasant remarks if she did so. 

When the little girl reached home, she told about 
the gentleman who had given her a shilling to show 
him to indervale; but she quite forgot to add that he 
had previously asked her questions about Gladys 
Hartland. 

Gladys! All night he dreamed of a face that was 
like a flower wherein lilies and roses were blended, 
with the blue of heaven in the clear eyes and fra- 
grance of the red rose on the lips. 

He woke to wonder what had happened. 

CHAPTEB II. 

Calderwcod is a pretty picturesque town in Devon- 
shise. Lord Lauraine said to himself that it was so 
very pretty it would be a great pity to leave it until 
he had thoroughly explored it. The bonnie green 
woods of Calder were famous — the brook had been 
spoken of in story and song. 

He would stay for a few days at the Calder Arms 
— a quaint old-fashioned inn, where the new world 
with its new ways seemed to have no place Of course 
he would lik to see Gladys Hartland once again, just 
to impress on his mind and heart the most beautiful 
face he had ever seen. 

One morning he made the best of his way to 
Grant's Cottage — a row of very pretty but very small 
houses, each consisting of three rooms. The one 
where Gladys lived was a little nest of flowers. He 
rem.iiued in the fields until he saw her come out with 
the little child. They went straight to the green 
lano near the fields — there she sat down with her 
work, and the child played near her. He saw her 
more closely now, and the brilliant beauty of her 
face dazed him. Assuredly the child was her own, 
for the shrill sweet little voice never wearied of say- 
ing "Mamma, mamma!" 

[to be continued. 1 




Subscribe for the Wasp, $± a year. Thirty- 
five cents a mouth by carriers. 



I^No communication will be inserted unless the 
colcr of the writer's eye-brows, the date of his — ot- 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signed by the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nom de plume the writer desires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarantee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

Grant — Wants to know why thieves some- 
times plant their plunder ? To produce a 
crop. 

Vickeky — Asks for Miss Mary Anderson's 
age ? We don't keep such things in this of- 
fice. 

Robert — Wants to know how to keep po- 
tatoes through the Winter? Don't keep them 
at all, boy. Eat them. 

Pickett. — Premature loss of the hair may 
be prevented by having the head shaved and 
saving the shavings. 

Oincinnatos — Asks, what is the duty of the 
people at this crisis? Why, to pay their 
debts, make love to all the pretty women, 
and subscribe to the Wasp. 

France. — it is generally believed that Mar- 
shal McMahon resigned in a fit of petulancy 
superinduced hy finding his tooth brush em- 
bedded in Madame's pearl powder. 

Washburne — Wants to know if it's true 
that a girl's lips are far sweeter than any 
sacharine matter yet discovered, and if so, 
why his neighbor, a man with a family of 
twelve girls, has to buy sugar and molasses ? 
May we be sugared if we know. 

Jennie. — Make a plating round the bottom 
pannel of your overskirt, reverse and drape 
an ink eraser loop with fifteen yards of old 
sacque and put diagonally across the front 
two feet of deep basque, then trim with col- 
lar and cuffs and camel's hair tooth brush 
and you will have an elegant outfit. 

Helen. — To remove grease Bpots from a 
brocade silk, take a spade and raise the spots 
around the edge, then pass a rope around 
the spots under the raised edge and attach it 
to a team of four mules, then say the Lord's 
prayer backwards and tell the mules to start. 
If that does not remove the spots, nothing 
will. 

Bierce. — There is a young lady residing in 
Baltimore whose father died recently leaving 
her a fortune of twenty million, and, if we 
were so fluent with the sonnet-constructing 
pen as you are, she would have to start a 
private Post Office to accommodate her Cali- 
fornia mail. But, unfortunately, we were 
born under a comet with a long tail which 
destroyed our rhapsodical powers. 



Ah Fonjr, a Lore-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden BanH 

Fan: 

My dearest sugar plum'; when I closed my 
last letter, I left myself in the imperious 
clutches of those who stand high in authori- 
ty, and you, I doubt not, have been beating 
your head against a feather pillow in antici- 
pation of my early demise or perpetual incar- 
ceration. But, my saffron-hued daisy, this 
is a land of many wonders ; and I am once 
more a free man, having by the advice of the 
astute Go}', greased the itching palm of the 
blue-clad Mandarins with two pieces of gold. 
And as I would probably have lost the money 
in gaming, I am just as well off. 

I must here digress from my narrative to 
observe that there is a remarkable difference 
between the way in which justice is adminis- 
tered in this country and in ours. In China 
had I been unfortunate enough to be detect- 
ed trangressing the laws, my head would 
quickly have paid the forfeit for my evil 
deeds. In this country, I smack justice on 
each eye with a piece of gold and she be- 
comes blind. We are not, my adorable Hoey, 
abreast of the times. 

But in regard to the justice of the law 
under which I was apprehended, I am — like 
the eminent Chan Lan Pin when he was of- 
fered his choice between a bowl of rice and 
a rat's oar a la mode — in doubt. I am told 
that the wise men and sages of the country 
have decreed that gambling is, socially, an 
evil. I here, parenthetically observe, that I 
was not gambling, though I was about to do 
so ; 'but I am told that, under the legal phil- 
osophy of this country, the intention coupled 
with the power to carry out the intention is 
regarded as being equal to the performance 
of the act. In other words if I owe to my 
friend Coy a sum of money and have the in- 
tention to pay him, that intention and power 
is, in the eye of the law, equivalent to the 
actual payment. I think that while I sojourn 
in this country I shall always be the debtor 
and never the creditor. But why the sages and 
wise men have declared gaming to be, social- 
ly, an evil I am at a loss to know. Life, 
everywhere, and in this country, perhaps, 
more than any other, is a risk, a gamble, a 
chance, from the very moment the babe draws 
its first breath, until as a grayheaded, tooth- 
less old man, it sinks again into the unex- 
plored fathomless depths which surround it 
on every side. What is called business is 
but a game of chance. The merchant sends 
off his ship full of merchandise to where he 
thinks there will be a good market ; if there 
is not a good market, he loses ; if there is a 
good market, he wins. What is that ? The 
stock speculator buys his securities in the 
hope of a rise ; upon exactly the same prin- 
ciple that the gambler backs a horse in the 
hope that he will win the race. Where is 
the difference ? Even the very solons who 
have pronounced against gambling hold their 
own positions as the result of a successful 
game of chance — an election. 

I am so lost in amazement at these things, 
that I am so incapable of telling you of the 
great love that fills my heart and bursts out 
between my ribs. And so my yellow rose- 
bud I must now subside. 

Tours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fong. 




HAS HIS SNOUT EVERYWHERE 



CARTOONS ON 



t k . \ i 




TAMING MR. LO (?} 



13 P. 




UNCLESAMS TROUBLESOME BEDFELLOWS 



ENT TOPICS 






tyXit 




A DANGEROUS HOLE IN THE D O O I\ . 



442 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The Very Freshest American Humor. 

Isn' a billiard player a baize ball player. 
What think cue ? — Whitehall Times. 

It takes a good deal of grief to kill a wo- 
man just after she has got a new sealskin 
sacque. — Andrdws Bazar. 

We presume he don't like to be bored, but 
we should really like to inquire: Is Artesian 
well ? —New Haven Register. 

A man don't take to grave-stealing until 
he is an ex-humeorist. He flies from gay to 
grave, as it were. — Phila, Bulletin. 

Every one is taxed under the outrageous 
despotisms of Europe We even hear of at- 
tacks on Emperors and Kings. — Boston Irav- 
eller. 



A number of girls in Birmingham have 
been make ill by motto lozenges. The an- 
swers disagreed with them, perhaps. — Dan- 
bury News. 

A Kentucky mule reached out with his left 
foot for a can of nitro-glyeerine, the other 
day, and now he hasn't any foot left. — Hack- 
ensack Republican. 

Real diamonds are always cold. So is a 
dog's nose, You can tell them by touchin; 
them to your tongue. The— of course— dia 
monds. — Rochester Express. 

Study the classics, young man. It's worse 
than dime novels or Injuns to raise hair. 
We have just read thaf'Ab Hoc et Ab Hae." 
Cousins, no doubt. — Keokuk Constitution. 

A Newport clergyman recently took for his 
text "How Jonah lost his umbrella?" Why, 
it don't take a whole sermon to explain that. 
The whale-boned it, of course. — Jersey City 
Journal. 

A morning contemporary contains the 
words "temperenee" and "villege." This is 
one wey of chenging lenguege to suit the 
stete of the printers' ceses — an eesy wey, so 
to speek. — N. Y. Mail. 

Skating is very healthful exercise. It not 
only puts in play all the muscles of the legs 
and arms, but it creates bumps on the head 
for future phrenologists to feel of and report 
on. — Detroit Free Press. 

Owing to the custom of dyeing the hair 
blonde, the guests of our cheap boarding 
houses are unable to note the changes among 
the female help as accurately as formerly, 
the hairs in the hash being of a more uniform 
color. — Court Journal. 

A week old baby, if it lives to grow up, 
may be a weak old man — London Fun. And 
a child that has already lived a month, if left 
, out on the sidewalk long enough at this time 
of year, will again turn into a wee cold baby. 
— Bridgeport Suandard. 

If "brevity is the soul of wit," then of 
truth the young lady who talks of taking a 
"prom" on "Broad," and the young man 



who speaks of catehiDg L., when he desires 
to take the Elevated Road, must be "the 
limbs and outward flourishes." — N. Y. Com. 
Adv. 

"What makes your lips so awful sore?" 

Asked Sarah's cross-eyed pup; 
And Sarah to the old man said — 

"It's caused by a small chap." 

Then Sarah's youngest brother— 

As yet unknown to fame ; 
Looked Sarah in the eye and asked — 

"What is the small chap's name?" 

— Elmira Gazette. 

A man with a cloak under one arm and a 
piece of zinc, four feet square, under»the 
other, affjrded considerable recreation to the 
humble denizens of Nelson street during the 
gale Friday morning. Some of his remarks 
could have been heard, it is estimated, full a 
mile away. — Danbury News. 

As Sarah overwatched the spit 

Whereon the steak was frying, 
The butler entered at the door, 

The while the maid was sighing. 
And heedless of the consequence 

That on his rashness waited, 
He took the spit girl on his lap 

And so was Sallie-weighted. 

— Yonkers Gazette. 

It was a colored preacher who said to his 
flock last Christmas Day: "We have a col- 
lection to make this morning, and fo' de 
glory of Heaben, whichever of you stole Mr. 
Jones' turkeys don't put anything on the 
plate." One who was there says "Every 
blessed niggah in de church came down wid 
the rocks." — N. Y. Stay. 

Cream! Rich, unctuous cream! What tan- 
taliring visions of delicious strawberries and 
spring bonnets it summons up! And yet 
there is nothing particularly angelic in the 
milkman's scream that wakes you up at five 
o'clock on a Sunday morning, and sends you 
with a bound to the window under the im- 
pression that somebody is certainly being 
murdered in the street below. — Puck. 



dog is troubled with heart disease and gen- 
eral weakness." 

"Can dogs find their way home from long 
distances?" 

"It's according to the dog. If it's one you 
want to get rid of he can find his way back 
from California. If it's a good one he's apt 
to get lost if he goes round the corner." 

"Can dogs see in the dark ?" 

"Some appear to, but instances are not 
rare where dogs, commanded to rush out and 
devour the fellow hooking wood have rushed 
under the bed by mistake — and stayed there. 
That's all about dogs." — Detroit Free Press. 



Natural History of the Dog. 

Do you see the dog? 

He looks as natural as life. 

The dog is called by some, man's most 
faithful servant. One or two instances have 
been known where a dog frightened away a 
thief or bit an agent. They have also been 
known to bark at the moon and thus prevent 
it from falling and dashing the earth to 
pieces. If it wasn't for dogs we shouldn't 
know what to do with our old oyster cans, 
Tou can now ask any question you desire. 

"How large is a dog ?" 

"Well, that depends. If he's running 
away from you he looks about the size of a 
gallon jug, butif he's coming at you he looks 
as large as a yearling calf." 

"Do dogs guard the house?" 

"Yes; particularly the kitchen door. Noth- 
ing hurts a dog's feelings so much as to have 
his master think he's waiting for bones, in- 
stead of being there on guard." 

"Can a dog take a hint?" 

"Yes. As soon as one sees a farmer com- 
ing across 'the fields with a gun he knows 
that killing sheep is over for that morning, 
and away he goes." 

"Are dogs very strong?" 

"You'd think they could pull a saw log to 
judge from the amount of howling they will 
do between dusk and daybreak, but the min- 
ute a boy wants a ride on his sled the family 



The Trials of a Phrenologist. 

Phrenology is the science of the special 
functions of the parts of the brain; and not 
long since, our town was visited by a profes- 
sor of all this. 

Between and among a thousand other calls 
was one at the house of Martha McGinn, 
widow and washerwoman, and the unhappy 
mother of ten small children. The whole 
family met the Prof, at the door; and that 
worthy saw at a glance what a fine field was 
spread out for observation. He began: 

"My dear madam, I have come at the 
right moment. I find you enshrined in the 
bosom of your interesting family. You have 
a mission — a noble one; but permit me to 
ask if you are acquainted with the disposi- 
tion and temperament of your precious little 
ones — that you may bring them up to be in- 
telligent men and women. How can you 
manage to — " 

"Is it manage ye be's after spaking about ?" 
interrupted Mrs. McGinn. "Faith, and it's 
by lickin' a-him, I manage! Ye'll find the 
marks o' a last week's lickin' on Pat's back 
this blessid minute !" 

The Professor sighed. "My dear mad- 
am — " 

"Don't ye's be af ther dear madaming me !" 
snapped the widowed mother. "Ye's good 
lookin', but, iver since Mike's blarney has 
been shtopp'd by the blissid grave, I'll take 
no other. 

The Professor colored, and to hide his 
mortification he stooped down and carressed 
the carroty cranium of the youngest Mc- 
Ginn. 

"Madam, alloW me to examine this child's 
head — I can see that there is something in 



But Mrs. McGinn rose up in mistaken 
wrath. 

"Ye lie, ye spalpeen ! there's nothin' in it 
at all, at all! It's clane 'em, I did, ivery 
blissid wan of thim las' night!" 

The Professor forced a smile, and smoth- 
ered an imprecation. 

"I fear you have misunderstood me, my 
dear — " 

"Dear Madam" McGinn rolled up her cot- 
ton sleeves, and squared her gaunt elbows. 
Then she spoke again — this time more briefly 
and to the point. ''Git out wid ye!" 

And the Professor got. 

But he first made a pause at the window. 
"Woman, there may be nothing in your 
children's heads, but in yours is ignorance, 
stupidity, vice, wickedness, and sin. Good 
day." 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



443 




— "Retrenchment of expenses" is the cry 
in Southern cities. In this city they are too 
■well trenched. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— "Wm. J. Cadmus, a resident of Bayonne, 
N. Y., was found drowned recently. This 
was not the man who invented letters. 

— The Governor-General of Canada and 
Princes Louise, made a joint-stock purchase 
of two pocket handkerchiefs last week. 

— Minnie Hauck is engaged to marry a 
fellow named Wartig. She would do better 
to marry a journalist with a wart on his nose. 

— In Egypt at one time yellow was the 
mourning color. Yell, ohl is the mourning- 
sound in this country now when somebody 
tramps on a tender corn. 

— The Courier- Journal says: "The waters 
are again rampant in North Carolina." It 
used to be the whiskies which went ramping 
around there, but times are changing. 

— George Kearney is the name of a defaul- 
ting clerk in the Philadelphia Water Depart- 
ment. Kearney, Kearney, Kearney. It 
seems as though we had heard the name be- 
fore. 

— An old gentleman named Benjamin Burk 
at Fredricton, N. B., took a large dose of 
arsenic in mistake for salts, and died in great 
agony. — Ex. Perhaps he thought it was bet- 
ter to die in great agony than in Frederick- 
ton. 

■ -^Robert Fox is the name of a person 
"wanted" by the Philadelphia police. If 
the Philadelphia police are anything like 
their San Francisco brethern, he must be a 
very stupid fox if he does not keep on being 
"wanted." 

— A man from the sage bushes of Nevada, 
was "struck" for two-bits by a tramp the 
oilier evening on Montgomery street. In 
disgust he passed over into Oakland and 
there he was struck by a train. The train 
asked for nothing. 

— In a eulogistic article in the Norr. Her- 
ald referring to ex-Gov. Hartranft we find 
allusion made to modest "Worth. Now we 
know why the Governor retires a poor man. 
Worth making dresses for a Pennsylvania 
dutchman! The idea is preposterous. 

— A Philadelphia paper wants the Presi- 



dent to make a statement with regard to 
counterfeiters he has pardoned and tlie reas- 
on therefor. Law sakes alive I Doesn't 
everybody know that a receiver of stolen 
goods does not like to be hard upon other 
felons ? 

— Mrs. Mary Ytivegnol is the name of a 
lady residing on Bush street who has attained 
the extraordinary age of two hundred and 
fifty years, having been born in the month of 
February 1029. She has been married seven- 
teen times and has borne sixty-eight child- 
ren. She was present at the battle of the 
Boyne, at the death of John Bunyan, at the 
coronation of George III. ; nursed Napoleon 
I., the Duke of Wellington, and George 
Washington. The lady is in good health 
and expects to live to vote for the first Pre- 
sident who is elected after the "Woman's 
Suffrage" becomes an accomplished fact. 



Advice to Young ladies. 

Dear girls, I like to hear you talk; . 

About your pleasures, wants and woes; 
But wish, when out with me you walk, 

You made less noise about your beaux. 

In weaving knots, man-traos and chains, 

For husband-hunting, all excel: 
Such open war and desperate pains 

MuBt frighten more than I can tell. 

You all admire my 'fiance, '. 

And marvel how I charmed the man 
Whom all in vaiu had sought to stay; 

I won him, girls, without a plan. 

I dwell within a secret bower, 
Where fops of fashion seldom come; 

It blooms with many a lovely flower — 
By honest people called "sweet home." 

I kept a little page, called Pride; 

A clever lad, who could discover 
A vain pretender at my side, 

Or, at a glance, a genuine lover. 

My lady's maid was Modesty; 

I had her from a country place; 
She had been taught to make, you see, 

A b jnnet that would shade my face. 

Miss A-la-Mode engaged her once — 
A fickle, bare-faced belle of fashion — 

Who, after having called her dunce, 
Discharged her in a fit of passion. 

She really was an honest girl, 

And scorned with paint to feign a beauty; 
To smear my face with powder pearl, 

She deemed no portion of her duty. 

My coachman was bluff Harry Health, 

Who drove me round the park, 
But grumbled if with folks of wealth 

I wished to ramble after dark. 

To midnight routs and plays and balls, 

He had a terrible objection; 
He said they hindered morning calls, 

And dimmed my fine and clear complexion. 

My dear companion, neat and good, 

Beloved by all, was industry; 
Though poor, she came from noble blood, 

And claimed descent from Piety. 

With dusting-brush about the house. 

In this room, that room, in and out, 
She frightened every fly and mouse. 

Who wondered what she was about. 

If she glanced in a mirror, straight 

Its polished surface beamed with light, 
'Twas just the same with pictures, plate; 
' Like spring, whate'er she touched looked bright, 



Those were the only arts I used; 

So, ladies, if you like the plan, 
Just do the same, you look amused! 

Yet each might win a nice young man. 



An "Oil City Derrick" Reporter Inter- 
views Wilhelmj. 

Wilhelmj , the great fiddler, passed through 
Oil City yesterday, with his $5,000 Stradiva- 
rius violin, on his way East. A Derrick re- 
presentative was delegated to interview the 
renounded artist, with the following result: 

Reporter — "How do you like this country 
thus far 1" 

Wilhelmj — "Veryj muchj, indeedj; itj isj 
aj greatj countryj. Ij havej seenj aj greatj 
manyj thingsj herej thatj surprisedj mej, 
andj inj manyj thingsj Ij thinkj thej peoplej 
hearej arej superiorj toj thej Europeansj. Ij 
thinkj thisj countryj isj destinedj toj bej aj 
greatj onej; Ij doj, indeedj." 

Reporter — "Would you not like to stop 
off in Oil City and fiddle for a dance on the 
"flats" to-night?" 

Wilhelmj — "Goj toj hellespontj !" 

Just then the train moved off, which was 

no doubt a fortunate circumstance for the 

reporter. 

1 » i 

Polygamy and Porridge. 
When we made an excursion in Southern 
Utah not long ago we were hospitably enter- 
tained by the Mormon bishop at Richfield. 
He was a Scotahman, and had been brought 
up a rigid Presbyterian, "Ah, well," said 
he, "they think ill of me at home for chang- 
ing my religion; but there is my brother 
Aleck who took it most to heart. He was on 
his way last year to California, and turned 
off the road a bit to see me, and to try to 
bring me back into the fold. When he got 
here he spent the whole evening lecturing 
me, and then went to bed. In the morning 
I gave him the best breakfast the country 
would afford — coffee and rolls, trout, beef 
and venison steak, and such like. Poor 
Aleck! he looked all over the table, and then 
turned upon me his sorrowful face, blurting 
out, 'Oh, Jamie, mon! Jamie, monl did I 
ever think it would come to this ? I could 
hae forgi'en ye a' yer poleegamy, but hae ye 
gien up yer parrilch ?' " 

BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Magoike Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

FAREWELL ENGAGEMENT .OF 
CLAIM MORRIS 

Supported by the great legitimate company of Bald- 
win's Theatre. 

SATURDAY February 81h 

» ONLY MATINEE OF 

"ARTICLE 47." 

CLARA MORRIS as CORA 

MONDAY FEBRUARY 10 

CLARA MORRIS as "Raymonde Montaiglin" 
in Sardon's Great Play, 

SATURDAY, and SUNDAY EVENINGS, February 
8th and 9th, the Great London Eccentricity, 

He Would and He Would Not 



444 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The theatrical amusements for the week 
have been a decided improvement upon last 
week's. 

At Baldwin's 

Miss Clara Morris has been the attraction. 
She appeared in a number of her favorite 
characters and was especially successful in 
"Sarah Multon," "Jane Eyre," and "Ca- 
mille Gauthier." The very excellent com- 
pany which the management of this house 
has gathered together, contributed in a large 
manner to Miss Morris' success. 



At the California 
Mr. John T. Baymond ventured upon a new 
piece. The venture was singularly unsuc- 
cessful. John T. is not a star of sufficiently 
brilliant powers to illuminate all horizons. 
In this case, had he been supported with or- 
dinary intelligence, he might have pulled 
through; as it was the great "Colonel Sel- 
lers" only succeeded in exposing his weak 

points. 

1 » i 

At the Bush Street Theatre 
Eliza Weathersby's Froliques has formed a 
very agreeable relief after the colored mons- 
trosities which have appeared there for some 
weeks. If this troupe preserve the same 
standard of excellence which they have com- 
menced with they may reasonably look for a 
successful engagement. 

At the Standard 
Bice's Surprise Party still continue to sur- 
prise the few people who go there in search 
of an evening's entertainment. When a per- 
son goes into a theatre and finds that he is 
expected to amuse himself by examining the 
nice paint and elegant upholstery, such per- 
son is necessarily surprised. Any ordinary 
theatre makes some pretense of having a 
part of its entertainment behind the foot- 
lights. 

"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 

SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Oues. 
Christina Nilsson has reached Paris, and 
intends to stay there three months. 

Gounod's "Polyeucte" is being translated 
into English for production at Covent Gar- 
den. 

A new prima donna of rare promise, Maria 
Bousseau by name, has just been discovered 
at a low cafe in Paris. 

At Ford's Theatre, Washington, the door- 
keepers, ushers, and other employees in the 
front of the house, are uniformed. 

After an absence of fourteen years from 
the London boards, Weber's opera "Oberon" 
has just been revived at Her Majesty's. 

Joe Jefferson's son, Thomas, who recently 
returned from France, is a fine French 
scholar, he played in some of the French thea- 
tres in Paris, and promises to make his mark. 

Charles Beade, after clearing up the mis- 
understanding between himself and Mrs. 
Burnett in a manner satisfactory to that 
lady, has withdrawn his "Joan" ("That Lass 
o' Lowrie's") from the American market. 

Von Bulow has been surpassed, if a recent 
programme was carried out in London. 
William Carter played five of Beethoven's 
piano sonatas in one afternoon, having pro- 
mised to play, from first to last, Mendels- 
sohn's "Liederrede ohne Worte." 

A singer, extremely pretty, but absolutely 
without talent, is the joy of all eyes and the 
despair of all ears at the Paris opera, as runs 
the story. One morning she received to her 
great surprise, a superb bouquet from an old 
subscriber who ordinarily manifested signs 
of impatience whenever she appeared upon 
the stage. But with the bouquet is a note. 
It reads: "At last, mademoiselle, I can ad- 
mire you in comfort. I have become deaf." 

The last advices with regard to the Bouci- 
saults are that they have been dining peace- 
ably together. Mrs. Boucicault (Agnes Ro- 
bertson) has not visited this country with any 
professional object, nor is it probable she 
will perform here during her stay. She pos- 
sesses an estate in New York and another 
one in Chicago, settled upon her in I860 by 
Mr. Boucicault, which it is her intention to 
sell off and shift into other securities. These 
estates, valued at one time at $100,000, have 
dwindled in value to one half of that amount. 



"The Whistle." 
"You have heard," said a youth to a mai- 
den who stood beside him as he sat on a corn- 
sheaf one evening about quitting time; "you 
have heard, I dare say, of the Danish boy's 
whistle of wood ? I would give two dollars 
and a half if that Danish boy's whistle were 
mine." 



CIGARETTES the Best in the World, 



The maiden had heard of the wonderful 
things which could be accomplished by 
means of the magic whistle, and, coloring 
slightly, said: 

"And what would you do with it, pray ?" 
while a smile played over her beautiful face, 
extending clear round to her ears. 

"I would blow it," he answered, "and 
then my fair maid would fly to my side and 
sit down on the same corn-sheaf with me, 
which would make me extremely happy and 
make it a matter of supreme indifference to 
me whether school kept or not, or how much 
corn might be a bushel. 

"Is that all you wish it for ?" exclaimed 
the maid, with a laugh that started a covey 
of birds in the next row. "That may be 
yours without any magic, Charley. A favor 
so slight one could not find it in one's heart 
to deny, you know," and she playfully seated 
herself by his side and drummed with her 
little heels in the furrow. 

"I would blow it again," said the youth, 
who had begun to see how matters were drif- 
ting. "I would blow the thing again, and 
the one fair woman beneath the sun could 
not resist the charm , and would lay her fair 
arm upon my shoulder." 

She smiled — and laid her fair arm round 
his neck. 

The young man was taken completely by 
surprise, but managed to bear up under it, 
although, as he confessed to the writer, it 
was by all odds the greatest effort of his life. 

A young man of his age is never satisfied, 
but is always reaching out and grasping after 
the unattainable, as it were, and after drink- 
ing in for a moment the nectar of the situa- 
tion, so to speak, exclaimed: 

"Yet once more would I blow it. This 
time I would give it the awfullest blast that 
was ever heard this side of the crack of doom, 
and the music divine would bring me the 
third time an unspeakable pleasure. She 
would lay her fair cheek to this brown one 
of mine, and her lips stealing past it would 
give me a kiss, I'm quite sure; at least I hope 
so." 

The maiden laughed out in her innocent 
glee, just as any other young lady would do 
under the same circumstances, and said: 

"What a fool you'd make of yourself with 
your whistle to be sure ! Now just consider 
for a moment how silly it would be to sit on 
a corn-sheaf, like a knot on a log, and crack 
3'our cheeks whistling for what you might 
take!" 

This almost took the young man's breath. 
He immediately reached for the lovely crea- 
ture, but strange to relate, did not find her. 
She had anticipated him, and was already 
breaking through the cornstalks for home, 
while her laughter floated back upon his ears, 
reminding him that he had an engagement 
at home to gnaw a file. 



Banj o Taughte^ 

In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMR, $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 
FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 
LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 



ing 



135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGABETTES the Best in the World. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



445 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TEXT- 
HOICK Y A t'O.'S MACCAROXI and VER- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

janl8-3uios 

*-^-+ 

A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, G02 California Street. 



Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 32G Clay Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 43,107 barrels of beer, being 
twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Report, U. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The German Savings and Loan 
Society. 

For the half year ending this date, the Board of 
Directors of "The German Savings and Loan So- 
ciety" has declared a dividend on Term Deposits at 
the rate of seven and one-half (7%) percent, per 
annum, and on Ordinary Deposits at the rate of six 
and one-fonrth (6^) per cent, per annum, free from 
Federal Tux, and payable on and after the 15th day 
of January, 1879. By order, 

GEO. LETTE, Secretary. 

San Francisco. December 31, 1878. 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Tosemite Cologne! 



f1f"\T T\ Any worker can make S12 
\X<JJ-lU outfit free, 



day at home. Costly 
Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



NOTICE. 



The public fire respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The Hibernia Savings & Loan 
Society, 

N. E. Cor. Montgomery and Post Sts. 

At a regular meeting of tbe Board of Directors of 
this Society, held this day, tt dividend at the rate of 
seven per cent per annum was declared for the period 
ending with the 31st day of December, 1878, free of 
Federal Tax. and payable from and after this date. 
EDW. MARTIN, Secretary. 

San Francisco, Jan. 6, 1879. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

Savings and Loan Society, 

619 CLAY STREET. 

At a meeting of the Board of Directors held this 
day, a dividend of seven (7) per cent per annum was 
declared, for the term ending December 31, 1878, on 
all deposits, free of Federal Tax, and payable on and 
after January 15, 1879. 

CYRUS W. CABMANT, Secretary. 



3U0KB OLD JUDS1 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



WESXQJSPS 

Bakery and Restaurant, 

No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- decl4-lm 



DIVIDEND NOTICES. 

San Francisco Savings Union, 

532 California Street, cor. Wehb. 

For the half year ending with December 31, 1878, 
a dividend has been declared at the rate of seven and 
two-tenths (7 2-10) per cent, per annum on Term De- 
posits, and six (G) per cent, per annum on Ordinary 
Deposits, free oi Federal Tax, payable on and after 
Wednesday, January 15, 1879. 

jan4-lm LOTELL WHITE, Cashier. 



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LLUSTRATED WASP 

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THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER ON THE PACIFIC 
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(rations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Scenery. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

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Served hy Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



[i^All Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



OOLQMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly on 
band 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

RED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

ROBEB? BELL, 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 




412 Sansome Street, 



San Francisco. 



STOP AT 

T29 CLAY ST., opposite Plaza, 
And get your 

HOT COFFEE AtiD BUTTER CAKES FOR 10 CENNTS 

It will refresh yon. 

Roast meats of all kinds and game, kept at all 
hours. dec28-2mos 

d*C 4-« <COf"\ P er da V at home. Samples worth $5 free 
tpO L\J if>A\J Address Stixson & Co., Portland, Maine. 




PfWlauid. San-Francisco: 

1 ■''jlSVfc J»port«. .», Pacific CoaBtJ 




PIPER-HEIDSIECK. 

SMOKE 

. CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



446 



THE ILLUSTEATED WASP. 




rVilght'i. Uarkst, 

813 Market St., above Fourth. 

ivr as a. x 1 si 

Retailed at the Lowest "Wholesale Prices. 
IN COD WE TRUST ! all others must pay C. O. D. 

EfThis Market sells Meat one qnorter lower than 
any Market that gives Credit. 

GEORGE HEDGE, Proprietor. 

Jo! ; 

The Tailor, 

203 Montgomery St , and 203 Third St., under the 
Huss House, near Bush Stree, has just received a 
large assortment of the latest style goods. 

Suits to order $20. Pants to order from $5. Over- 
coats to order from $15. 

(■^pTbe leading question is where the best goods 
can be found at the lowest prices. The answer is at 

joe: foheim 

203 Montgomery St., and 103 Third Sc- Samples 
and Rules for Self-Measurement, sent free to any ad- 
dress. Fit guaranteed. 

Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to onr immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 

G*f»f» a week in vour own town. Tenro and S5 outfit free. Aa- 
M>vlU drega H. Halle-it & Co., Portland, Maine. 

W^JSTTED. 

In every City and Town in California, CANVAS- 
SEES for the 

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Reliable parties out of employment, will find this 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
"Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 

Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE:— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 

OFFICERS: 

Pbesident M. D. SWEENY 

Vioe-Peesibent CD. O'SULLIVNA 

TRUSTEES ■ 
M. D. Sweeny, CD. O'Sullivan, M. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gus. Touchard, 

K. J. Tobin, Peter Donohne, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Teeasueeb EDWARD MARTIN 

Attoenet RICHARD TOBIN 



REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Weils, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society will not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany his first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will be delivered u> the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
DepositB recetved from $2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 
july21-tf 




New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

Where will be found Presses of the latest Improved 
styles. The GREAT SUPEKIOEITY of our 




Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co's generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



"We have a large stock of 



The Finest and Cheapest CLOTHING 
BROTHERS. Men's and Boys' 



Second Hand Presses ! 



—VERY CHEAP— "both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



MERCER'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

W A. O "F O £* Tf „ 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

So. 17 POWELL ST., opn. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

Eg^Special Attention paid to Country Orders. ^Jgl 



BALDWIN'S 

ARCADE MARKET 

James Lintott, 
914 MARKET STREET 

—AND— 

No. 9 ELLIS STREET. 



O. D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. K. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 
San Francisco. 



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For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 certs at piece. 



A. SCHBOEPFER, 

AECHITECT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Room 38. Elevator in the building:. 



Henry Ahreus. Henry Tietjeu. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Polk. 



Henry .AJirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 



BACK NUMBERS 

OF THE 

IXXUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete tbeir files of the 
WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
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issue which can be had at 

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SB«n 






and GENT'S FURNISHING GOODS] HOUSE on the Pacific Coast, ROOS 
Clothing, Gent's Furnishing Goods. 1 35 & 37 Kearny, S. W. cor. Post, S.F. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



44T 



San Francisco suit! XortU I*aciu> It. IS. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1S78, 
ami until further notice, Trains and Boats 
will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, Washington Street "Wharf.) 



3f\r\ P, M. DAILY, [Sundays Included! Steal 
• V-'*-' l.totmhue/'OVimhiinftttn street Wharf), i 



I Steamer ".lames M. 
i ■!.■. : ■ ■■ ! Street Wharf), connecting with 
Mail anil Express, train al Donahue, f<>r Petaluma, Santa Rosa, 
Healdsburg, Cloven) tie and way stations. Halting Stage con- 
nections ui LakevWa for Sonoma; at Geyserville for Sknjpf's 
Springe; at Cloverdale (or Dkiah, Lakepurt, Hendodno city, 
ami the Geysers. 

S3 i' lections m ide at Fult in following morning for Kur- 

bel's. Guornevilleand the Redwoods. Sundays excepted. 

[Arrive at San Francisco at 10.30 A. H.J 



tSLFrcitjht received from 7 A. M. to 2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 



A. HUGHES, A. A. BEAN, P. E. DOUGHERTY, 
Gen. Manager. Sup't. Gen. P. & T. Ag't. 



u„ hicks at co a , 
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Blank Book Manufacturers, 



janS-tf 



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SAN FEANCISCO. 



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stairs. 




The Illustrated Wasp 

Office in E. F. Haswell's Book Store, 

Fourth Street, between J and K, 

SACKAMENTO, CAL. 

JOHN H. CARMANY & CO., 
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409 Washington Street. 

Publishers of the Commercial Herald and Market 
Review, California Horticulturist, San Francisco 
Market Review (letter-sheet form), Wine and Liquor 
Herald, Freight Circular, etc. 

Printers of the WASP. 
novl7-tf 

YOUTHS' DIRECTORY, 

1417 Howard Street, 

(Maintained by the Citizens of San Francisca.) 

FREE 

M&me mmsL ImielMg@am Brnmam 

For Friendless Boys seeking Work. GOOD LADS 
FOR AN5f SERVICE, furnished without charges to 
Employers or Employees. Office Hours- 9 A. M. to 
1 P. M. A. P. DIETZ, Superintendent. 



44 8 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Cf\EEf»Nq O^ JV\Z ^L^Ch^ j5^A\E' 



s 



THE &i!i ! P&£S4*$$®& 







•■"' S?SS?£ s - r - |5anP-rancisco.Februaryi5 T Al879 



- RECORDED AT SACRAMENTO CAL .^ 

I BY THE PUBLISHERS OF THE WASP. 



K.\* »',,*» ^v,:J &» 










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' ' ■ & > 




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A ■ < ' v 



ROSE EVTirvlGE CAL.THEATREx 



450 



THE ILLUSTEATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 

— AT — - 

6Q2 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 

TERMS- 
CITY- SUBSCRIBERS 
Thiety-five cents pee month delivered by carrier 
Single copies, ten cents. 



BY MAIL 
To all /parts of the United States, Canada and British 
Columbia, ' r 

(INVAKIABLT IN ADVANCE) 

(Postage Free) 

One Year' - • - - - $4.00 

Six Months - - - $2.00 

Three Months - - - $1.00 



TO ALL PARTS OF EUROPE: 
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One Year - " . .- : . ..- - $5.00 
Six Months -■-..- - - $2.50 

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Notice . to . Countey News Dealees. — The San 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All • orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmastees. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, .receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Coreespondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address,. The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1879. 



! ' Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



In somewhat gingerly condemning the 
Chronicle for adversely criticising the course 
followed by his body-guard of blackguards 
at Union Hall, Denis pointed to the fact that 
the "live paper" did not rebuke those who 
pitched him off the platform at Piatt's Hall 
about a year ago. For once Denis was right. 
The Chronicle only alluded to his disturbing 
the meeting as being "Outrageous." It was 
in big letters, too. Did you not see it, Denis ? 



"We recollect the silver-tongued Tom Fitch 
in 187G. He was then a virtuous patriot of 
the Bepublican order. No one to listen to 
Tom blushing, audibty, for the wickedness 
and sin of the Democratic party would have 
thought that he and his wife were giving mo- 
ral aid and countenance to their niece's liv- 
ing with Dr. Smith in the capacity of 'a 
harlot — and the name seems a trifle weak. It 
would be unfair of course to say that the Re- 
publicans are all of Tom's stamp; but still 
we know that birds of a feather do flock to- 
gether. 



,. , We- have more-than once -drawn- "attention 
to the ■ manner in •which correspondent s 
should address heir communications; yet 
every day there comes to us, from people 
who should know better, letters bearing' the 
nonsensical endorsement "The Wasp." Again 
we ask all correspondents to bear in mind that 
if their communication is of a purely business 
nature — that is in relation to advertisements, 
subscriptions, non receipt of paper, etc., etc. 
— it should be addressed to The Wasp Pub- 
lishing Company. All other communications 
should be addressed to The EniTOK. In fu- 
ture the editor will take no notice of any 
communication not properly addressed. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

THE FASHIONABLE YOUNG LADY. 

This charming young creature is to be 
found on every sidewalk, in every shop, in 
every parlor, in every theatre, and, more 
than all, in every church in the country. 

Her cheeks bloom with alt the freshness of 
nature — as dispensed by the chemist. Her 
teeth are as smooth as even and as white as 
the dental science is capable of manufactur- 
ing. Her form is as shapely as the modern 
modiste can produce. In her make up the 
great superiority of human ingenuity over 
Divine Creation is amply demonstrated. 
Poets may rave about the dark skinned beau- 
ties of this land and the light skinned beau- 
ties of that land; of the well turned limbs of 
this race or the beautiful hair of that race; 
but "the Fashionable Young Lady" of to- 
day — with the aid of her mechanical auxili- 
aries — may safely be backed to knock spots 
off the whole crowd. She is as superior to 
nature's choicest productions as is the artifi- 
cial knife and fork over the natural one — 
fingers and thumbs. 

She has a mission in life — so has the pea- 
cock. Her mission is to look "just delight- 
ful." To trim her feathers and spread her 
tail for the admiration of Charles Augustus. 
In her maiden days her occupation is to get 
herself up in style when she goes down town 
shopping and promenading; to cut a dash so 
that men whose heads are full of business 
and whose pockets are full of overdue bills, 
will pause in their hurry skurry to stare at 
her and say to themselves: "Whoop! ain't 
she a snorter." And probably a few of the 
overdue bills aforesaid amply covroberate 
the opinion. Then she has to sit in the par- 
lor in the evening, and to bang the piano, 
and to "move about with stately grace." In 
fact she can't do anything else; if she lhade 
a motion which was not graceful something 
would burst and such an occurrence taking- 
place in the midst of an assemblage of gen- 
teel people can be better immagined than 
described. 

"The Fashionable Young Lady" is not 
supposed to be of any practical use, beyond 
being to men what a nice doll is to a baby. 
She couldn't dip her elbows into the soap- 
suds and wash her own stockings if they 



w'erel6"remam"'dirty""untlllhe"next Olympic 
Club concert. How' to "boil a potato is to her 
a veiled- mystery— she can eat one though; a 
small, delicate, tiny one of course. The se- 
cret of hushing a squalling baby is a science 
utterly beyond her comprehension. As a 
wife she is ornamental but not useful. You 
can set her on the mantle piece and throw 
sugar plums at her. And, besides, you can 
trot down to the office and hustle around 
pretty lively for money to pay a. houseful 
of servants to wait on her, and an army of 
artists to keep her looking pretty. 

There is one point in favor of "the Fashion- 
able Young Lady"; she doesn't want to vote, '. 
or to go to Congress, or to beconie a lawyer, 
or a soldier, or a doctor, or a sailor. She is 
quite content to remain a woman if she can 
only have plenty of nice clothes and people to 
admire her. She would rather have one des- 
pairing glance from the eye of an enamoured 
male being than elect the President of these 
United States. She doesn't care a button 
whether she ever has equal rights with the 
oppressors of her sex and in this respect she 
is an improvement on the be-spectacled in- 
tellectual strong-minded dame who does. 



SELF-COXVICTED. 

It is with sorrow that we must acknowl- 
edge that Samuel 3 . Tilden in his recent ex- 
amination utterly failed to exculpate himself. 
He was and is charged with having been 
cognizant of the fact that gentlemen acting 
in his interests were endeavoring to purchase 
the votes of several of the Southern States 
after the last Presidential election. Up to 
the moment he went upon the witness stand 
in his own defense, it was possible to think 
him innocent ; now it is not. He was charged 
with having had a guilty knowledge of those 
cipher t telegrams, if indeed he did not him- 
self concoct the cipher. In reply to that 
charge he simply says, he was not. Of what 
value is the oath of a man who stands 
charged with such an offense? It is true 
that the parties who sent and received the tel- 
egrams have also sworn that he knew noth- 
ing of them; that as soon as he got the faint- 
est inkling of the fact that improper meas- 
ures were were being taken to secure the 
fruits of the victory which had been won, he 
denounced the whole proceedings with vehe- 
mence and peremptorily stopped it. But it 
is quite evident that this is a "put up job." 
At least, if it is not quite evident that it is 
so, it ought to be; because we all know what 
an incarnation of wickedness this old man is. 

In his so-called defense he denies any 
knowledge of these celebrated telegrams. 
The weakness of this defense lies in the fact 
that while the charges are specific, it is gen- 
eral ; in fact it merely amounts to a "not 
guilty" plea by a person accused of felony. 
The telegrams have each and every one been 
published; if he was innocent of all knowl- 
edge of them, surely it would have been a 
very easy matter for him to bring thirty or 
f orty disinterested reputable citizens to prove 
that fact ? Instead of doing so he has relied 
upon his own denial backed up by the evi- 
dence of the only parties who knew anything 
of them — the senders and the receivers. This, 



THE ILLUSTEATED WASP. 



451 



any intelligent man must admit, is equal to 
an admission of guilt. The public expected 
that at least two-thirds of the population of 
the city of New York would have been pro- 
duced on the witness stand and would have 
testified that they were present on the occa- 
sion when the telegrams were not shown to 
Tilden, and that, to their knowledge, he 
never saw or heard of them. This has not 
been done; in fact, no attempt has been 
made to do it. The verdict goes by default. 
Another remarkable point in the defense 
is the admission that the telegrams were re- 
ceived at Tilden's house. And yet he claims 
to have known nothing of them! Jumping 
Jehosephat! The idea that a telegram ar- 
rived at the house of thatargus-eyed old lynx 
the contents of which were unknown to him. 
The idea that this pallid-faced old sleuth- 
hound, whose sagacity overthrew Tweed and 
his confederates, and whose disposition is 
said to be naturally suspicious, was not 
watching every entrance in his house to pre- 
vent the arrival or dispatch of improper tele- 
grams. What absurdity! What nonsense! 
What barefaced mendacity! 



one which will be sent by the editor of this 
paper to "his girl:" 

You are sweeter than all the world, my love, 
You are nicer than pumpkin pie, my dove, 

And the world to me has no prettier sight, 
Than to see you chewing an orange, my love, 
In the fitful glare of the bad gas light. 

The last line is a particularly happy one, 
as her stern papa has a chronic quarrel with 
the Gas Company. 



[See Double-page Illustration.! 
ST. YALEXTIN'E. 

This is a personage who in the olden days 
used to devote himself to the furthering the 
love affairs of young people. Of late he has 
degenerated and partly occupies his time 
with less noble purposes. 

In the good old days it used to be thought 
that the first man whom a young lady saw 
on Valentine's morning, was to be her hus- 
band. This belief lead many an amorous 
young man to sit for hours before day-break 
beneath his lady-love's window, waiting for 
her to look upon him. And in many cases 
resulted in a severe cold hurrying the eager 
lover off to that other land, where there is 
neither marrying nor giving in marriage. 
Popular belief in this theory, however, be- 
gan to shake, after a beautiful young lady, 
residing near Turnbridge Wells, England, 
found six of her admirers beneath her cham- 
ber window with their ears frozen off. It 
toppled when the young lady declared that 
she had simultaneously observed them all, 
that it was impossible for her to marry six 
men in one year, and that, anyhow, she did 
not propose to marry a fool who would stand 
half the night under her window and let his 
ears be frost-bitten. Next year it fell down 
never to rise again when an elderly spinster, 
of the woman's rights order, rushed out and 
collared a man who was passing her house, 
and — in explaining to him, that he being the 
first male she had cast her eyes that morning 
it was his bounden duty to take her off and 
marry her right away — detained him until 
the officers who were pursuing him upon a 
charge of bigamy came up and lugged him 
off to prison. 

Valentine's Day now, so far as it has any 
connection with things matrimonial, is only 
regarded as an occasion for bashful people to 
fire off their pent up feelings in poetic num- 
bers and on paper beautifully illustrated with 
cupids, and hearts, and roses,, and all that 
sort of thing. The following is a copy of 



THE MUNICIPAL REFORM PARTY. 

We take occasion to draw attention to the 
address issued by the "Municipal Reform 
Party" which will be found in another col- 
umn. The curse of American civic govern- 
ments lies in the fact that they are kept in 
the hands of the great national political par- 
ties. Instead of having representative men of 
social standing and well known personal pro- 
bity to guide our local affairs, we have the 
needy, seedy, and greedy riff-raff of political 
parties placed in responsible positions; as a 
consequence about two-thirds of the cities in 
the American Union are practically bankrupt. 
Municipal governments are looked upon by 
the leaders of the national political parties, as 
a species of loot to be used in rewarding 
faithful and influential corner grocery politr 
cians; and gross extravagance and misman- 
agement ride rampant. The time for re- 
trenchment and reform; the time for the 
people to rise in the might and tell these po 
litical highwaymen to stand off, has surely 
arrived in this city, when a commission to 
look after a "Sinking Fund," for liquidating 
our bonded debt when it becomes due, costs 
almost as much as the yearly income of that 
fund. 

If the substantial tax paying citizens join 
this new party aud take the management of 
their own affairs in their own hands, they 
can do so; and moreover, if they take pos- 
session of this new movement, they need not 
fear that it will degenerate into a piece club. 

The present City Government is largely 
Democratic, and it must be admitted that it 
is rotten from the centre to the circumfer- 
ence; a change to the hands of the Republi- 
cans, would be but a change in the direction 
in which the loot would go, while six months 
administration by the Sand-lots would re- 
duce thievery — which is now conducted upon 
a scientific basis — to the level of an every 
da}' occupation. 



to a land where the prospect of a violent and 
speedy death, whether as a consequenoe of 
national prejudice it matters not, is immedi- 
ate. If that isn't enough to make any man 
sick, let alone a poor steer, what is it ? 

Looked at from another standpoint it 
seems very heartless on the part of John 
Bull to close the door in the face of his sick 
brethren from across the Atlantic, and this 
action in the premises effectually disposes of 
his claim to be an open-hearted, generous 
philanthropist. So much for Buckingham. 



MAKING A FOOL OF HIMSELF. 

General Sherman is a distinguished sol- 
dier, but when he takes up the pen and tries 
to drift into politics, he meets with the suc- 
cess which has usually attended great sol- 
diers when they drifted into the muddy p ool 
of politics. In a letter to an Atlantic paper, 
he recently advised the people of Georgia to 
"let up" on carpet-baggers. In other words 
he advised them to lay aside the prejudice 
which exists against the political tramps 
who infested the South after the close of the 
war. He even went so far as to say that Cali- 
fornia was settled and developed by carpet- 
baggers. Perhaps "Tecumseh" is ignorant 
of the meaning of the term carpet-bagger; 
if he is not, he must be the most outrageous 
brazen-faced liar and slanderer within the 
length and breadth of the United States. 
The men who developed California were 
rough hard-working adventurers. A carpet- 
bagger is one who lives by thieving, not by 
hard work. 



[See Illustration on Last Page.] 
BELL VS. BULL. 
The impertinent consequential airs of 
John Bull, are getting to be unbearable. 
His latest audacity is turning up his bovine 
snout at American cattle, and alleging that 
they are sick and unhealthy. Isn't it enough 
to make anything sick and unhealthy to be 
put on^board a ship and sent three thousand 
miles to a land where there isn't room enough 
for a respectable American bull to wag its 
tail without hitting an overfed sprig of nobil- 
ity in the eye ? To a land where there isn't 
room enough for a respectable American calf 
to give three jumpsSrithout going overboard; 



I See Illustration on First Page. | 
MISS ROSE ETTIXGE. 

The portrait to be found upon our first 
page represents Miss Rose Eytinge, the well 
known actress. So much of her as is to be 
seen is dressed for the part of Cleopatra, in 
the historical play which is founded upon 
certain love passages which passed between 
that lady and one Mark Antony. Miss Ey- 
tinge, however, has reached that clear-headed 
period of maturity, when one "melts" more 
for a good house than all the Antony's in 
creation. 



NOTICE. 

Persons who have paid subscriptions to 
Chaeles Robinson, 'of Sacramento, are re- 
spectfully informed that the financial ar- 
rangements which exist between him and 
them, are private; and that the Wasp does 
not consider itself responsible for the execu- 
tion of his undertakings. For any irregu- 
larity as to delivery, subscribers who have 
paid Me. Roeeetson must seek redress from 
him and not the Wasp Publishing Company. 



"A woee in private with you," said Amelia 
Smallman to one of our wealthy citizens the 
other day. But the time the affrighted citizen 
made down street, would compare favorably 
with Rarus' best effort. And yet she only 
wanted to tell him of a new wash she had 
discovered which would make hair grow on 
the baldest head in fifteen minutes. It's an 
an awful thing to have a bad name. 



452 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASF. 



PAUL REVERE'S RIDE ECLIPSED. 



IN TWO PARTS-PART I. 




1. While Brown is bathing in the stream a 
gallant hussar rides past. 




2. The horse liketh not the sight and old 
Brown fearing that he will be ridden upon, 
seizes the bridle. 




3. Brown undertakes to show the military 
how to ride. 



4. But the horse is animated by an exprit 
de corps aid s'iows Brown. 




5. This illustration shows the procession moving rapidly along the road, past the inmates of a young ladies' seminary, towards the city. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



453 




"Pasts to order" says the tailor. Let him 
pant. 

Porte-monsaies — the Harbor Commission- 
ers' receipts. 

Bridal slippers — a couple of elopers who 
have given the old man the slip. 

The stockin' trade of Madame Renze's 
Minstrels', strange enough, is legs in stock- 
ings. 

A "Lion On the Rampage" is the title of a 
new book. No one need be afraid of it, be- 
cause it's bound in calf. 

Alfred Frederick tkays that the thong of 
a poor thinger hurts the feelings almost as 
much as the thong of a whip. 

Dry hash — when the report of a temper- 
ance lecturer gets mixed up with that of a 
meeting of a scientific savant's. 

"More Missionaries," is the cry. This 
time it comes from the natives of New Brit- 
aic. They eat up the last batch. 

A bjok agent was knocked down by a street 
car the other day, and two wheels passed 
over his cheek. The car is laid up pending 
repairs. 

Borders on mourning cards are from one- 
eighth to three-eighths of an inch deep. 
This is regulated according to the amount of 
grief felt. 

Yung Wing, one of the Chinese AmbassaJ 
dor's at Washington, has just had a son 
born to him. As yet, this Wing is altogether 
too Yung to fly. 

Ex-crew-shy-ating — a couple of bashful 
men who have been sailors waited upon by a 
pretty girl while eating and somewhat bash- 
ful in consequence. 

. A red-headed man was courting a girl who 
objected to the color of his hair; but he 
smoothed the difficulty over by telling her he 
was ready to dye for her. 

An exchange asserts that the fashionable 
muff is without bows and tassels. So he is, 
so he is. But then he has a stovepipe hat, a 
big collar and lots of coat tail. 

Circumstances alter cases, may be reversed: 
At least, if a printer sticks to his case con- 
scientiously, the financial equivalent for his 
so doing will alter his circumstances 

Lewis, of the Detroit Free Press, was mak- 
ing his way to the office the other morning, 
revolving in his mind a beautiful little ode to 
the snow drop, when a boy who was shovel- 



ing sno.v off the roof sent a half a ton or so 
on top of him. The poem was not wricterj'. 

It's quite true that Rory O'Mors said there 
was luck in odd numbers, but a man who slips 
and falls in the mud three times in two blocks 
seldom takes time to reflect upon that beau- 
tiful thought. 

Butterfly, peacock, and swan dresses are 
made by French houses. — Ex. Now then, 
you, Edison, wake up. The French are 
walking right off with us. No American 
house has yet made a dress. 

"The Lord loveth a cheerful giver," ob 
served the parson as the seat on which Elder 
Piety was seated at prayer meeting the other 
night gave way beneath his ponderous two 
hundred and fifty pounds. 

In England, a — a — female, a spinster fe- 
male, in fact, has just passed her examina- 
tion for the degree of Batchelor of Law. To 
call an unmarried woman a batchelor seems 
like adding insult to injury. 

"Care killed a cat, says the proverb; but, 
two to one can safely be bet that care never 
killed a woman who has just got a new dress 
— at least not until she has had a chance to 
show herself in it two or three times. 

"Formerly one sermon converted 3000 sin- 
ners," said Elder Burgess, of Butler Univer- 
sity, Indiana, in a sermon recently; "now it 
takes 3000 sermons to convert one sinner. — 
Ex. Perhaps the climate is changing. 

Purse and curse are, it will be observed, 
very nearly alike. Merely the difference of 
of a letter between them; but it will also be 
observed that the former doesn't come 
home to roost — at least not until the 
old man has pretty well emptied its contents 
into the beer vender's till. 

To say the right thing at the right moment 
is a gift which Mr. Smith thinks he possesses; 
but, when the beautiful Miss Jones' waterfall 
fell off her and got trampled to pieces in the 
parlor the other night, he made a mistake in 
telling her that she could buy auother one 
cheap, as hair was very low. 

In Turkey two or three days before a girl 
gets married, her friends throw sugar over 
her— presumably to sweeten her. In this 
country, girls at that stage of life are too 
sweet for anything; it's after they have been 
married about two years they require to go 
through the Turkish process. 

YotNG man, young man, if you want to be- 
come famous, don't waste your time trying 
to write a poem equal in literary excellence 
to "Beautiful Snow." Just get a suit of 
clothes made out of an old American flag and 
get some other idiot to sit on your back while 
you crawl round the town on your hands and 
knees in payment of a bet. 

"I tell you," said an impassioned orator 
the other night, "if you don't commit some 
great blunder, the mountains will respond to 
the valleys, and from Siskiyou to San Diego, 
and from the lofty peaks of the Sierras to 
the or - ange -covered orchards of Los Angeles, 
this party -will sweep th.e State next June..' 
Well, it wants sweeping bad enough. 




QzErLHerary Re,YiQW<,~§£ 



Thompson's Geograpliy.-This book hasabout 
it a flavor of un-godliness which cannot be 
too severely condemned. Besides, it does 
not seem to be so accurate in detail as a work 
which treads upon the borders of science 
should be. The writer starts out with the 
assertion that the earth is a sphere. That 
may be all right; the earth may be a sphere. 
Until we have more authentic data to go 
upon we will not dispute the point with so 
eminent an author. But we would like to 
know if, in this christian country, it is con- 
sidered right for an author to make such an 
assertion without at the time qualifying it by 
the statement that it is wrong to use cuss 
words ? The writer proceeds to state that 
the said sphere revolves on its own axis. In 
the face of the fact that a century and a half 
or so of assiduous search has failed to dis- 
cover the North Pole this statement must be 
taken cum grano salis. It may be all right 
and it may not; the prevailing rule here in 
California is to take nothing upon trust. In 
the historical sketch appended to the descrip- 
tion of Russia we find the following : "Vladimir 
embraced the doctrines of the Greek Church." 
This is clearly an attempt to bring the Greek 
Church into contempt by creating the im- 
pression that it permitted promiscuous em- 
bracing. Besides, well informed people be- 
lieve that it was the other way; that the 
Greek Church embraced "Vladimir. We have 
not space to follow the errors and contra- 
dictions and absurdities of this book through 
so we simply dismiss it with the benediction 
most frequently used in the Anthasian creed : 

"Let it be da ." That whs a close shave, 

but the immaculate purity of these columns 
is still preserved. 

Samuel Johnson, Eis Words and Ways. — 
There have been so many biographies of 
Samuel written that one or two more will not 
be particularly noticed. The principal points 
which Samuel's previous biographers have 
held up for our inspection, have been the 
facts that he wrote a dictionary, that he was 
exceedingly and impertinently rude in con- 
versation, and that he was brutally disgust- 
ting in his habits at table. What there is to 
admire in all this we don't know. And we 
are quite sure that if there had been no dic- 
tionary written, if there had been no arbi- 
trary orthographical rules established, we 
would have been relieved of a great deal of 
harrassing espoinage over our own pen and 
the printer's type. We would never have 
been called upon to endure the anguish 
which follows the discovery of five or six 
errors in the paper just issued. The conse- 
quence is, we fall sick of Samuel Johnson; we 
suffer from too much of Dr. Johnson. The 
only new point which is brought out by this 
book — and it not clearly established either — 
is that the Doctor could not sleep with his 
feet out from under the blankets. 



454 



THE ILLTJSTEATED WASP. 



More Bitter than Death. 



CHAPTER II.— Continued. 

HE looked at the lovely girlish face, 
with its clear beautiful profile— it seemed 
absurd that any child should call her 'moth- 
er.' A great longing came over him for one glance 
from her eyes — for one word from her lips — to hear 
the tone of her voice; and fortune favored him, as it 
often favored the handsome Lauraines. The child 
dropped his hat; Lord Lauraine picked it up, and, 
instead of putting it on the little one's head, gave it 
to the young mother. His voice was very gentle as 
he bent over her. 

"Your little one has lost this," he said. 
Then the desire of his heart was granted. She 
looked up at him with a sweet surprised smile. 
"Thank you," she said. 

The tone of her voice was just what he thought it 
would be, coming from such sweet and pure lips. He 
had said to himself that he wanted just once to hear 
her speak; but, now that he heard her, he could not 
go away — the desire to hear her again was too strong 
for him. Instead oi going away, he sat down by her 
side. 

He never remembered what excuse he made; but 
he talked to her about the woods and the brook. 
Then, when he had conversed with her for ten min- 
utes, he said to himself that he could never leave 
her again. The sunlight on her golden hair, the light 
in her lovely eyes, the play of her beautiful features 
the smile on the sweet red mouth, all told him that 
he could not leave her — surely this mad, hot passion 
surging up within him was not the fatal Lauraine 
love that never missed its object, never changed, 
never died? 

"You are very young," he said gently, "to have a 
sou as big as this?" 

Her lustrous eyes were raised half pityingly to 
his. 

"Yes; I was just seventeen when I married," she 
answered, "and I am just nineteen now." 
"And you are a widow?" he continued. 
Her face flushed. 
"Yes; I am a widow — my husband died soon after 
the birth of our dear little boy." 

"I wish," said Lord Lauraine, "that you would 
tell me more about yourself — your history, your mar- 
riage, your husband." 

There must have been some kind of spell upon 
her, for she was generally reticent and reserved; her 
heart seemed to open to this stranger as a sunflower 
to the sun. 

"I have no history," she said. "My life has been 
as simple as that of one of these flowers. My father 
was a farmer here at Calderwood, but nothing ever 
went well with him, and he died, leaving my dear 
mother in great poverty. "We contrived to get a liv- 
ing — only Heaven knows how — for a few months; 
then my mother died, ond I was quite alone. David 
Hartland asked me to marry him — he had just taken 
a small farm near Indervale. There was no choice 
for me; I married him. He was always very kind to 
mo — verygood and gentle — but I never knew any- 
thing of happiness until my beautiful little Leo 
came." 

"That is the child there?" he interrupted jeal- 
ously. 

"Yes, my Leo. The whole world holds only him — 
only that one child for me. Then an accident ;hap- 
pened to David. He fell asleep as he was driving a 
wagon; he fell from it, and his head was terribly in- 
jured. He lived only two days; the baby and I were 
quite alone." 

"And after that?" he interrogated quickly. 
"After that," she said — -well farming never seemed 
to have prospered with any of us. When David's 
debts were all paid, there was not one shilling for 
baby and me. I took one little room in this cottage, 
and I have lived there ever since." 
"What do you live on?" 

She laughed a low sweet low laugh that stirred the 
blood in his veins. 

"I require very little, and, as you see, I do this." 
She held np to him a piece of delicate lace. "I work 
at this," she said — "Vicar's daughter taught me; but 
there are times when I cannot sell it; then baby and 
I have to trust to Providence." 

"Poor child," he remarked pityingly, "you are 
very young to suffer sol" 

"I do not suffer " she said. "I love baby too much 
to care about trifles. I suffer only when he wants 
anything. ' ' 

As he looked and listened, his passion increased, 
while the golden head with the pure sweet face bent 
over the delicate lace-work. 

"It is a ..simple story," he said, longing to hear 
more. ''You have hardly lived at all yet. 

"Yes," she returned, "I live a full life — inmylove 
for Leo." 

He muttered something under his dark moustache 
which Gladys did not hear. He. kmged to ask her a 



hundred questions, but he dared not yet, while they 
were as strangers. He would ask them soon; for 
this daughter of the people had charmed him as no 
high-born dame had done. 

He sat as long as he dared, and then went away, 
asking first if she would give him permission to see 
her again. He scorned to woo her — as many men 
would have done — through her child. He made no 
pretence of caring for him — he did not kiss him or 
pet him. 

Had she loved this husband of hers — this David 
Hartland, who had fallen asleep as he drove his 
wagon home? The fever ran riot in his veins as he 
thought of it. 

In the evening he met her again. He brought fruit 
and flowers for her; and she shyly asked one or two 
questions about himself. He told her he was walk- 
ing through Devonshire, and she said pityingly — 

"Ah, what an advantage it is to have money! If 
you had money, you would not need to walk all those 
long dreary miles." 

He did not eulighten her. He did not tell her that 
his illness had been mainly caused by abundance of 
riches. He was glad that she thought him poor. It 
would be something quite new for him to be loved 
for himself. He resolved that she should know him 
only as Mr. Lauraine — the glitter of his rank should 
never dazzle her. 

So for a whole week he saw her once or twice every 
day. The only drawback to those interviews was the 
presence of the child, on whom she lavished all her 
wealth of love and sweet caresses. But the fortunes 
of the Lauraines did not fail him. 

He was passing through the lanes one evening, 
when the moon was sailing through the clear sky. 
The dew was falling; a pleasant odor came from 
grass, flowers, and trees; The wind wind whispered 
sweet songs to the rustling leaves. Just at the end 
of the lane where the brook became a wide, deep 
stream he met her. She had been to sell her lace, 
and was late on her return homewards. For once he 
saw her without the child. 

"Gladys," he said in' a voice of perfect content, 
"what good fortune has sent you here?" 

"I have sold my lace," she replied; "look here." 
Iu the pink palm of her white hand lay some shining 
pieces of silver. "I am very late, Mr. Lauraine," 
she said. "I went a little way to buy seme cakes for 
Leo; he never has a cake." Then she stopped; for 
he had clasped the tiny hand in his, and had drawn 
her nearer him. 

"Let us go to the brookside," he said. 
A strange trembling seized her — a vague thrill of 
something like pleasure and pain combined. Looking 
at her flower-like face in the moonlight, the Lauraine 
recklessness overcame him. 

"Gladys," he whispered as he stood there, "tell 
me, did you love David Hartland?" 

"Love him?" she repeated in a perplexed tone. 
"He was very good to me, and I did my best always 
for him." 

"Yes, I know; but did you love him?" 
"I suppose so; I was very sorry when he died. I 
— I have never thought of it. I do not quite know 
what you mean." 

"Let me tell you. He was away from you at times; 
did you count the very moments in fierce longing 
impatience until he was with you again? Did your 
heart beat at the sound of his voice? Did you think 
of him by day and dream of him at night? Was he 
heart of your heart, soul of your soul, life of your 
life? Was he all this and more?" 

"No, no!" she cried, shrinking from his passion- 
ate vehemence. "It was not like that at all; he was 
kind, and I was grateful." 

"Then, Gladys, you did not love him!" he cried. 
"Yes, I did," she said. 

"But not with that love that is given but once — the 
great crown of womanhood — the love of a life. You 
have nevsr given that yet, Gladys; it is yours still to 
give. It never belonged to that dead man; it is yours 
still to give. It never belonged to that dead man; it 
is yours still to give — and you must,give it to me." 
"You? You frighten me!" she said. 
"No — I love you! Oh, Gladys, my sweet, listen to 
me! I love you. I have looked the wide world 
through to find the one woman I love, and I have 
found her in you Oh, my darling, do not be fright- 
ened! Try to love me, Listen to me. I have never 
loved any one until now, and I lay my heart at your 
feet. You tremble — I have startled you!" He drew 
her nearer to him, and, bending over her fair face, 
kissed the sweet red mouth. "My darling," he said 
"you must forgive me; my great love has driven me 
almost mad!" 

CHAPTER III. 

Another week passed and Gladys was learning to 
love the lordly lover whose wooing was so ardent 
and so tender. He had forgotten everything in the 
world but herself. He had learned to love her with 
a wonderful affection. He had almost forgotten his 
wealth, rank, and position. Could he, whose hours 
were spent iu waiting for, talking, and listening to 
beautiful Gladys Hartland, ever have been the victim 
of persistent ennni? Every hour he was more and 
more charmed with her. There was a sweet sim- 



plicity and wisdom, a serenity, about her that amazed 
him. 

"She was born to be a queen," lie would say as he 
watched the harmony of her movements, the grace- 
ful attitudes into which she naturally fell; and he 
loved her with a clinging, tenacious love of the Lau- 
raines. 

More than once she had stolen out to meet him by 
moonlight, and *ach time he felt more and more 
hopeful of winning his great prize. 

They stood together one evening, the moon shin- 
ing on the water, the brook singing as it rippled 
along, and he resolved to ask her again to be his 
wife. She clung to him, sobbing that it seemed so 
wrong marry twice. 

"Marry twice?" he cried. I can hardly believe 
you have been married. You have never loved. Fate 
led you into your first marriage but you did not love 
Hartland. You love me with the one great love of 
your life, do you not, Gladys, my sweet ? Tell 
me." 

She put her arms round his neck, and hid her 
lovely face upon his breast. 

"Yes, I love you," she said — "I love you Philip 
with all my heart. I cannot help it; my heart has 
gone out from me. I have no life but the life that is 
joined to your;*." 

jje bent his head and kissed her. 
"You will be my wife, Gladys," he said — "the wo- 
man whom I may love and cherish, and make happy 
— the woman whose happiness shall be my only 
study! Say 'Yes,' Gladys!" 

"Are you quite sure it is right to marry twice?" 
she asked. 

His face flushed; the Lauraiue jealousy rose hot 
and flaming in his heart; he longed to annihilate the 
past to which he fancied she clung. Then he con- 
trolled himself; the pure sweet face lyiug on his 
breast must not be shadowed bv his anger. 

"I am quite sure of one thing, Gladys, and it is 
that Heaven has made us one — that you are the other 
half of my soul. I am sure of this. Will you be my 
wife ?" 

He could not quite hear her answer, for the voice 

that whispered it was sweet and low as the western 

wind that stirred the leaves; but he knew by the shy 

drooping of the beautiful head that the answer was 

Yes." 

Half an hour later they were still by the brookside 
and she raised her lovely eves to his. 

"Philip," she said, "are you quite sure you can 
support a wife? Shall I be a great burden to you?" 
He laughed. At last — oh, thauk Heaveu! — he had 
won one true heart to love him for himself and him- 
self alone — one to whom the glitter of his rank and 
wealth was quite unknown. 

"I think I can manage it, my darling," he said. 
"Everything is possible to love. But we will talk 
about that afterwards, when I am quite sure that I 
have won the whole of my darling's heart." 

"You have done that, Philip," she said. "I have 
no thought that is not yours." 

Sweet Gladys loved him for himself. She believed 
that he was poor — she had never troubled herself to 
ask him wuat he was. She had laid her haud in his, 
saying "I shall like to help you, Philip; love will 
make all work sweet for your sake." He would not 
undeceive her yet; he would have a few more days 
of happiness, and then he would tell her all. 

'To Gladys, those were the happiest days she had 
ever lived. What she said was quite true. She had 
been a good wife to David Hartland, and ho had been 
kind to her; but of love there had been no mention. 
Now she had learned to love with all the force of her 
loving nature — she had awakened to this new beauti- 
ful life — it had taken possession of her. Her only 
wonder was how she had lived before. 

It was a worshipping love that she had for her dark 
handsome lover, with her musical voice and caress- 
ing words — a love that changed the whole world for 
her. This first thrill of passion amazed her — she had 
not known how beautiful life could be. To stand by 
his side while the moon shone on the water, the in- 
effable calm of the night enfolding them, the stars 
shiuiug over them, listening to words which had in 
themselves sweetest music, sweetest love, was inde- 
scribable happiness to her. 

He was sure that he had won her — that her whole 
heart was completely his — for he had asked her one 
day — 

"Gladys, which would be the easier — to lose me or 
to die?" 

"To die, Philip." 

"What would you do if by some fatal chance we 
were parted, Gladys?" 

"I cannot tell. I should not care to live. Life 
would not have a pleasure or a charm," she replied. 
"Still he let one more week pass by, and by the 
end of it for weal or for woe — he knew that Gladys 
Hartland was his for ever. He was perfectly sure of 
her. The gentle loving heart would be his until 
death. 

He asked her to come one day to Calder Woods — 
to the green glade where they had often met. 

"Shall I not bring Leo with me?" she asked; and 
he answered — 



THE ILLUSTBATED WASP. 



455 



"No, I want you alLto myself." 
So they sat ou this lovely June afternoon, where 
he had seen the fair haired girl with a bewitching face. 
"Gladys," he said, "I want to tell you something. 
It will surprise you, but it must not make you love 
me less. Lay both your hands in mine, sweet, and 
tell me that you trust me." 

"I do trust you," she responded shyly. 
"Tell me — whom do you believe me to be?" he 
asked. 

"I believe you to be Philip Laurnine, my promised 
husband," she said shyly. 

"Yes, that is right; but — Gladys, I declare lam 
almost sorry to lessen the simple romance of our 
love — I am Philip, Earl Lauraiue, and you will lie as 
my wife, Gladys, Countess Lauraiue." 

With shrinking fear and dread, she drew back 
from him — her face grew pale, her eyes dim with tears. 
"Nay," he cried eagerly, "be just to me! I cannot 
help it. I did not choose my own estate. Be just 
to me, Gladys, and listen sweet. I love yon well 
enough to give up for ever my earldom, my wealth, 
• my rank, and live with you always here in Calder- 
wood." 

"No," she cried — "you must not do that. It would 
lie like a soldier lay down his arms aud deserting his 
post." 

"I would give it all up for you, Gladys, my sweet, 
do you love me well enough to give up as much for 
rue?" 

"I would give up anything foryou — even my life." 
she said. 

He kissed the sweet face. 

"You love Philip the Earl as well as you loved 
Philip, the poor man, as you thought him?' 
She put her hand in his. 

"I love Philip, whether he be Earl or beggar," she 
said. 

He folded her in his arms, and for a few moments 
he forgot everything in his great love. Then, still 
holding her bauds, he said — 

"I come from a grand old race, Gladys — fierce in 
love and war and strong in jealousy. They can 
brook no sharer that which they love, Gladys. You 
must surrender your past to — give up that short 
memory of that married life — of your dead husband 
and your living child. I cannot share you with 
either; you must give up all. I am jealous of -all." 
"But not of little Leo?" she said. 
"Yes. of your husband and child, Can you give 
them up for me, though one be living and the other 
dead? Yon said you would give up your life for 
me." 

"So I would," she said. 

"Yet, you cannot give up this xaast of which I am 
jealous with a deadly jealousy?" 

"Yes I can," she answered. "I will give all my 
past to you, and never let one thought wander back 
to it Philip." 

"And the child," he said — will -you give up that 
too?" 

She looked up at him, with wild alarm gathering in 
ber eyes. 

"My child?", she said. "You do not wish me to 
give up my little Leo?" 

"Y'es, I do," he cried, "i could not bear it Gladys, 
if that child even lived near you. I should have no 
peace in my life. How could you break with your 
past while that living' link binds you to it?" - 

The white frightened face, the quivering lip, did 
not move him. 

"You cannot mean it, Philip," she said; "you do 
not mean that I am.togivenp my little child — my 
pretty Leo? What harm can he do you?" 
. "He shares your heart with me, and that is What 
no Lauraiue ever, brooks," he cried. "Even now it' 
drives me mad when I see you caress him and kiss 
him — when I see his head on your breast. I can tol- 
erate no rival, Gladys." 

"But he's a little child," she repeated— "a little 
helpless, harmless innocent. Oh, my darling, I could 
not give him up!" ' 

"There it is, Gladys — without knowing it, you 
love that child better than you love me." 
"I do not — indeed I do not,". she moaned. 
He had loosened his hold of her, and then she 
leaned back pale and breathless. All the glad bright- 
ness of her young beauty had gone from her young 
face. She did not look like the same fair girl who 
had hung upon eveiy word from his lips. 

"The Lauraines are a jealous race," he said; "their 
jealousy is their curse, and it cannot be ignored. I 
could brook no rivals, Gladys — not even a little child 
— that child whom you love so much less than all. I 
must have your whole heart or none — your whole 
love or uone — your whole life or none." 
She turned shndderingly from him. 
"My little child," she moaned — my pretty helpless 
child!" 

"Gladys,' said Lord Lauraine, "listen to me, sweet 
— nay, do not turn from me. You love me; be just 
tome. Listen. ,*I ask you to give up the child for 
me. I am jealous of it I cannot bear to see you 
lavishing love on it. The whole jealousy of my na- 
" ture rebels against it. Give him xrp for nry sake." 
[to be continued. 1 




EF'No communication will be inserted unless the 
coler of the writer's eye-brows, the date of his — ot- 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signed by the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nam <lc plume the writer desires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarantee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

Troy. — Pried potatoes are not reckoned to 
be good food for silk worms. 

Solitary. — Yes, sir. A single subscriber 
has to pay just as much for this paper as a 
married one. 

Beltcn. — A woman's tongue is the nearest 
thing to perpetual motion that has yet been 
discovered. 

Euskis. — There haye been one or two rare 
instances of men dying from the effects of 
overwork, but the great majority die from 
the effects of shortness of breath. 

Wallace. — No, sir. You cannot tie your 
wife up with a cord of wood, but you might 
tie her down with a cord made of hemp and 
then throw a cord of wood over her. 

Fat Wilson. — We would be very glad to 
oblige you with a bar ortwo from "The Grand 
Dutchess" but unfortunately we gave our last 
one to a man who said he was hard up. 

Locisa — Wants to know if there is a rule 
for measuring ice ? Yes, dear. Any rule 
will do; and, if you have said your prayers 
the night before, you might use a tape line. 

Del Mar — Wants to know if there is any 
possibility of the heavens falling if the Demo- 
cratic party loose control of the city govern- 
ment ? We rather incline to the negative 
opinion. 

Rose. — Yes, dear. A young mail whose 
chief vocation in life is to paste on addresses 
and wrappers in a newspaper office, on mail- 
day, is entitled to regard himself as a journa- 
list — so is the boy who sweeps the office. 

Alexander. — The item which appeared last 
week regarding a lady of 250 yaars was not 
absolutely true. In fact it was absolutely 
false. We merely published it to show these 
gutter snipe people what we could, do when 
we tried. 

Brietmann. — The lines 

Down to a stormy sea, 
Up on top of a tree, 
In to bed with a flea,. : 
Near the nest of a bee, 
Don't go, 
were written by a man with one ear; we do 
not know.kis name and do not want to. His 
wife had his other ear between her fingers. 



Culprit, ^The— opening and i'etfi.inJng_of 
letters addressed to another which have 
passed through the United States mail is, 
under the postal laws, a penal offence. If 
yon are a good citizen you should prosecute 
the fellow; if you are not a good citizen don't 
write to us anv more. 



Ah Fung', a Love-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To Ike Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Hoey 

Fun: 

My lovliest of peach blossoms, last night I 
was about to seek the softest spot in my mat 
covered plank to the end that Morpheus 
would bring to me pleasant visions of that 
day when I will again eat ki pi by your side. 
But ah! how ruthlessly were those dreams 
disturbed. Once more the blue-clad manda- 
rins burst in upon me. This time I with my 
compatriots were charged with being too 
economical of space. Shades of Confucius 
look down upon me ! I am seized as a male- 
factor because I use so little of that which 
the barbarians begrudge to my countrymen 
and mj'self — room! I am accused of living 
in an apartment which is too crowded and I 
am carried off and put in one which is still 
more crowded! 

This time I did not smack justice in the 
eye with a gold piece. In truth my gold is 
getting scarce. As you know, my sweet tu- 
lip, it was in consequence of great scarcity of 
taels that I interrupted our dream of love 
and came abroad to wrestle with the cook 
stove, the dirty linen, and the cigars of the 
barbarians; but this incessant call for hush 
money by the blue-clad mandarins indicates 
that they are of opinion that the shoe is on 
the other foot. 

This misapprehension may arise through 
the fact that in this land of idiosyncrasies it 
is customary for those young people who 
have by the death of their parents fallen 
heir to great riches to go abroad in order 
that they may spend their substance and have 
a jolly good time. My paternal projenitor, 
the venerable Be, Fong, has, itis true, turned 
his toes upwards, but unfortunately theestate 
to which he left me heir was limited io a 
blouse, a pair of pantaloons, two pairs of 
socks (both ventilated at tire heel) a .-pair of 
sandals and a hat badly damaged by : old 
Father Time. Had it been ..otherwise, were 
I indeed a wealthy, scion of departed avarice, 
I would not be here. It may suit the vulgar 
tastes of these Western barbarians' to.' cele- 
brate their acquisition, of wealth by 'getting 
locked up for frolics committed under stimu- 
lated vivacity. But my more refined Asiatic 
tastes call for amusements of a more eleva- 
ting nature. This and more did I explain to 
my captors as amid the jeers of the rabble 
they marched me to.prison but though my 
voice is melodious it failed to produce the 
same effect as a two and a half gold piece 
would. And so languishing behind the pri- 
son bars I am still 

Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah, Fong. 



r 




458 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




%^ 



The Very Freshest American Humor- 

- Boisterous up sometimes;. but boys will be 
boys.— Boston Transcript. '. . 

- Stands are always sold by auction to tlie 
buy-standers.— X Y. Graphic. 

"The, borne of the brave"— The wigwam of 
Spotted Tail.— Borne Sentinel 

Ton have only to put an atlas ou a store to 
nave plenty of warm maps. — X Y. Mail. 

The writer that is the oftenest quoted is 
oftentimes the- poorest 'coated. — Whitehall 
Times. 

.What hind of crockery is like Victoria's 
dress? Queensware. — Baltimore Every Sa- 
turday. 

"What," says a correspondent, "would 
you call short order?" Git! — Toledo Com- 
mercial. 

Uncomfortable wraps — Those of the waiter 
at the hotel who calls you for the early train. 
; — Meriden Recoffter. 

. It is fair to presume that there would be 
fe.wer family jars if people indulged less in 
-.pickles.— -V. Y. Express. 

"Postponed oh account of the wether," as 
the boy said when the ram chased him out of 
..the orchard.— Ulioa Observer. 

'"'It'inay be acrecade before Stewart's corpse 
is recovered. In fact it must be pretty near 
jjieeay.ed alrewfr^Boston Traveller. 

From age'to age cheese has skippered on, 
ryonevof the miteist forces of the press, win- 
. ningits ixkzy.—'Xeiv Haven Register. 



" No.thfflg crushes' -tire ambition out of a 
young therjno.raeter,like parrying it in your 
trouser's pocket'.— Br iibjephrt Standard. 

'" ^Tke married mail- who goes away from 
home to'visifrthe club room, sometimes has 
t&e"ilu]5".broSin,T^it > ha[m'".0h ..his i-eturn. — 
Cin. Saturday Inght — 

He said butjittle,' yet as he gazed on the 
mutilated edge of his best razor he mentally 
rowed never again to marry a woman with 
corns. — Court Journal. 



Secretary Shernian_thinks the government 
will' nbt-be able to "get rid of its coin." 
Why on earth doesn't it start a daily news- 
paper, then H—Hau:leye 

Oh! that incomprehensible smallboy! 
He'll turn irom .five acres of clear smooth ice 
■ -te-werk his-vfay-t-he-h-alf foot of slush where 
the danger sign is. — Puck. 

"What's the difference between an old dame 
at the spinning wheel and a young urchin 
chewing tobacco '? One sits and spins and 
. the otherspits and sins. — Yonkers Gazette,. 

.Goldsmith wrote: "Our greatest glory eon- 
. sists,.not in never falling, but in rising every 



timeTve fall.'' ~ BtrtrGoi-dsinith never-- wrote 
much,-iu the. Winter . time.— Binghamton Re- 
publican. 

It must have been peculiarly touching to 
see the paragrapher of the early evolutionary 
period wag his tail, with approval . when he 
read or wrote something more than ordinarily 
funny. — X. Y. Com. Adv. 

In this world even our afflictions prove 
themselves benefits in disguise. The man 
with a wooden leg never claws around in the 
dark for half an hour only to find that he 
has got the left boot on the right foot. — 
Phila. Chronicle. 

"Housekeeper" complains that her stove 
does not cook on the bottom, snd that the 
undercrust of her pies are soggy, while the 
uppers get nicely browned. We would sug- 
gest that she put the upper crust underneath. 
Rockland Courier. 

Editor Addis, of the Brewster's Standard 
was at a hog-guessing bee the other day, and 
guessed the exact weight of the animal at the 
first time. It requires more intellect • to be 
an editor now than it did one hundered years 
ago.— Banbury News. 

Eve had one advantage over the girls of 
the present day. When her mother called 
her to set the breakfast table, all she had to 
do was to tie her hair up in a wad, wash her 
face, put on a seraphic smile, and skip down 
stairs. — Elmira Gazette. 

The California dairyist who put a rock in 
the centre of every cheese he shipped to 
South America was actuated by the kindest 
feelings. He thought the buyer of the 
cheese would want the stone to kill the skip- 
pers with. — Detroit Free Press. 

"What? Twenty-five cents a pound for 
sausages? Why, I can get 'em down at 
Schmidt's for twenty cents!" "Yell, den, ry 
didn't yer?" " 'Cause Schmidt was out of 
'em." "Yell, uf I vas owit of 'em I sell 'em 
for twenty cents, too." — Puck. 

Somebody ought to translate a Chinese 
play into English and boil it down. We 
should like to see otuselves as John China 
man sees us. — N~. Y. Com. Adv. The diffi- 
culty would be to preserve the Chiuese cues 
in tlie thranslation. — Phila. Bulletin. 

Smythe — "Ugh! it's cold's a barn here, 
and I'm almost frozen to death. I never did 
know you to hare a fire when you should 
hare." Mrs. S. [meekly] — "Well, Henry, if 
you should be frozen to death, you would 
soon thaw out, dear." — Boston Transcript. 

The day before a Turkish girl is married 
she is taken to the bath by her lady friends 
and lumps of sugar are broken over her head 
as a forecast of the sweets of matrimony. A 
year or so afterward her husband breaks the 
whole sugar bowl over her head. — Y. Y. 
Herald. 

A Frenchman on being told that a young 
lady had given him the "mitten," said: "Me 
no comprend vat you call him. Ze mitten is 
ze glove mitout ze fingaire — she no geef me 
ze mitten; but her fader — he geef me an in- 
troduction" to his shoemakaire." — Hack.en- 
sack Republican. 

Amusements have been dull enough in 
Newark of late to be sure, but it is just after 
the holidays, when the young men, who gen- 
erally patronize amusements, have not yet 
recovered from the blighting effects of that 
Christmas present which mortgaged all in- 
come for twotnojiths ahead.— ^XeicarkCall. 



No Bunker- Hill for- Him. 
It was one day since the late Centennial 
celebration that a cadaverous looking Yankee 
stepped up to a Boston woman's kitchen door 
and, confronting the hard-working mistress 
of the house, introduced himself as follows: 
"Best-article-ever-patented-under-the-face-of 
the-sun-for-taking-Out-grease-spots-cleaning- 
whitenin'-and-purifyin'-leaving-the-garment- 
sof t-sweet-and -ready-to- take-a-stiff -smooth- 
polish. Like-to-buy-some-of-our-superior- 
washin'-eompound-ma'am?" And he held 
out a small tin box. The woman leaned one 
elbow on the table, and looking hard at the 
intruder when he was through, inquired: 
"Are you done?" "Yes, ma'am." Here the 
female pointed her long index finger out of 
the door to some distant object and inquired : 
"Do you see that over there ?" "Yes, ma'am" 
replied the dispenser of washing compound ; 
"that's Bunker Hill Monument." Then the 
the woman squared herself on her heels, toes 
out, conjuring up a look of irony in her eyes, 
and gathering up a fiat-iron in her hand, she 
asked: "Do you want one of those raised 
on your head?" The Y T ankee retreated. He 
didn't want anr monument. — Ex. 



Disgusted "With Law. 

Yesterday afternoon as the sun was sink- 
ing to his bed out in the buffalo country, a 
man with a comforter tied round his waist 
and his pants tucked into his bootlegs em- 
erged from Justice alley, with such a thun- 
der cloud on his brow as would have made 
his fortune had he been in the lightning-rod 
business. He stood on the walk and looked 
up and down, and a horse tied to a post near 
by backed awaj y as far as he could and looked 
as innocent as possible. A big policeman 
sauntered that war, and he was not afraid of 
the big red comforter and the frowning man. 

"Anything up ?" boldly inquired the offi- 
cer. 

The man made an effort to reply, but his 
words choked him. 

"Don't you feel well-?/ asked the officer. 

"Feel well!" yelled the man all of a sud- 
den, "why, I feel weller 'nuff to kill some- 
body !" 

"Anything wrong?" 

"Oh, no! nothing wrong!" said the man in 
a voice sounding like nails shaken up in a 
tin pail. "I got up at 4 o'clock this morn- 
ing, rode fifteen miles before breakfast, froze 
both ears, loafed around here ail day with* a 
headache, and am out twelve shillings on din- 
ner and hoss-feed." 

"Well, you didn't have to come, did 
you ?" 

"Didn't? Wosn't my brother knocked 
down with an icicle, stamped into the snow, 
mashed to a jelly and left for dead by a fight- 
in' galoot, and wasn't I the only witness in 
the case ? We rode and rode, and we sot 
and sot, and the lawyers jawed and the jury 
chewed tobacker, and just five minutes ago 
the verdict came in that there wasn't any 
cause for action ! Great Heavens ! but wasn't 
it action when it took four of us to cany my 
brother home and two bottles of camphor to 
get his tongue back of his teeth ? You ■ go 
on ; I'm waiting out here to get cause of ac- 
tion on thejuvyl'^Helroit Free Presp. ■; 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



459 




— A contemporary asks, what has become 
of Col. Hay ? All flesh is grass ami all grass 
is hay and the cows eat him, perhaps. 

— Mv cup! My cap! It is fall of wine! 

Drink it, youth! It is divine. 

He drank, 'twos buttermilk, and he a swine. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— Laura De Force Gordon is trying to 
force the Hastings Law College to admit her. 
So far her force has been expended in vain. 

— The celebrated Amelia Smallman has 
gone insolvent, and puts her assets down at 
uothing. Isn't Amelia herself worth some- 
thing ? 

— Wilhelmj thej fiddlerj isj coming] toj 
Sanj Franciscoj. Itj isj notj yetj announced] 
whenj hej willj playj. Hisj agentj isj Charles] 
Schultzj. 

— A Philadelphia policeman found a dead 
man with his arms clasped around a lamp 
post. He wanted light to show him across 
the river. 

— The advantages of using corn in a liquid 
form are many. In Texas that article of 
commerce has gone up from twenty to fifty 
cents per bushel, but whisky remains at the 
old figure. 

— -Forney's Progress is printing a series of 
articles "About Pretty Women." Bless their 
little hearts, they genenerally have a few 
petticoats and basques and sacques and 
things of that sort about them. 

— "Wade Hampton, a notorious sneakthief, 
and robber, has been captured in Atlanta. 
It may be mentioned in this connection * that 
Kentucky is preparing to hang George Wash- 
ington, and North Carolina will confer a si- 
milar compliment upon Jeff. Davis. 

— "How to Get On" was the subject which 
a clerical ' lecturer wrestled with the other 
night. If it's a horse he wants to get on, he 
had better catch a hold of the mane with one 
hand, the saddle with the other and then get 
the hostler to give him a boost up. 

— Charles Warren Stoddard has consented 
to lecture on behalf, of the Youths' Directory 
at Piatt's Hall, on the evenings of Wednesday 
Thursday, and Satuday.-February 12th,- 13th, 
and 15th,- with a matinee on Saturday after- 
noon, also.' Apart from the great claims of 
the charity benefited, the lecturer's literary 



ability should draw the intelligence of the 
city to listen to him. 

— Chicot County Circuit Court, Arkansas, 
has indicted one James C. Carlton for obtain- 
ing religion under false pretenses. The bill 
of indictment says Carlton professed a 
change of heart, and the members of the 
Baptist church, benig credulous, admitted 
him to the fold. About last November he 
began to show "a reprobacy of mind and 
contempt of his obligations to the church, 
contrary to the statute in such case made 
and provided against the peace and dignity 
of the Baptist church." 



Boys and Pistols. 

"I never could understand," the Deacon 
said, "why a boy should carry a pistol. A 
pistol is a very peculiar fire-arm; it is made 
for a peculiar purpose. It is quite natural 
for a boy to want rifles or shotguns, with 
which they may kill game; but a pistol is in- 
tended to kill human beings, and this is 
about all it is good for. There are very few 
boys in this country who could shoot a bird 
or rabbit with a pistol, and any one who 
should go ont hunting with a pistol would 
be laughed at. This being the ease, why 
should a boy want a pistol ? What human 
being would he like to kill ? 

"It is useless to say that he may need his 
pistol for purposes of defense. Not one boy 
in a thousand is ever placed in such a posi- 
tion that he need defend himself with a pis- 
tol. But it often happened that boys who 
carried loaded pistols thought it would be a 
manly thing, under certain circumstances, to 
use them, and yet, when the time came, and 
they kill somebody, they only brought down 
misery on themselves and families. And this 
too, in many a case where, if no one present 
had had a pistol, the affair would have passed 
off harmlessly, and been soon forgotten. 

"But the way in which boys generally take 
human life with pistols in some accidental 
way. They do not kill highwaymen and rob- 
bers, but, but they kill their schoolmates, or 
their brothers, or their sisters, or in many 
cases, themselves. There is no school where 
boys are taught to properly handle and carry 
loaded pistols, so they usually have to learn 
these things by long practice. And while 
they are learning it is very likely that some 
one will be shot. I saw in a newspaper, not 
long ago, accounts of three fatal accidents, 
all of which happened on the same day from 
from careless use of firearms. And one of 
these dreadful mishaps was occasioned by a 
lad who carried a loaded pistol in his over- 
coat pocket, and who carelessly threw down 
the coat. 

"And then, again, a boy ought to be 
ashamed to carry a pistol, especially a loaded 
one. The possession of such a thing is a 
proof that he expects to go among viscious 
peopl. H he goes into good society, and 
has honest, manly fellows for his compan- 
ions, he will not need a pistol. A loaded 
pistol in a -boy's pocket is not only useless 
and dangerous, but also it almost always' 
stamps him as a bad boy; or one who wishes, 
to associate with bad boys and viscious men. 



Committee on the Judicious. 

The committee had been instructed to 
gather statistics relative to the past and pres- 
ent habits of the American people and report 
as to whether the present generation is an 
improvement on the last. The Chairman re- 
ported that they had traveled scores of miles, 
interviewed dozens of people, read several 
books, and had sought to thoroughly investi- 
gate the subject given them. He reported 
that there had been considerable change in 
the habits of the people. A great many peo- 
ple now cut pie with a fork instead of taking 
the whole piece in the hand and biting off 
what they could handily chew at once. Wo- 
men who used to do their own washings and 
grew healthy over it now kept three servants 
and endeavored to look pale and languid. 
Men who used to be satisfied with a house- 
dog, and a poor one at that, must now keep 
three trotting horses and be three months 
behind in settling up with the grocer and 
butcher. Boys who would have been tucked 
away in their trundle-beds at dark thirty 
years ago, were now met on the streets at 11 
o'clock at night, smoking cheap cigars, and 
talking about the "old man's" childishness. 
Other changes were mentioned, but the com- 
mittee could not say whether the innovations 
and greatly increased the number of murders 
or added to the population of prisons. 

"As to de improvement spoken of," contin- 
ued the Chairman, "dis committee am divid- 
ed. Some of us believe dat de good clothes 
an' good grammar to be foun' all aroun' us 
to-day am a powerful boost on de present 
ginerashin, while odders put their finger on 
de list of scandals, robberies, murders an' 
skip to Cennedy as an offset. De committee 
hez, darfore, concluded to report dat de ken- 
try am doin' as well as could be 'spected, an' 
dat de present generashin can't help what it 
doan't know." — Ex. 

BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Maooiee Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

FAREWELL ENGAGEMENT OF 
CLARA MORRIS 

CLAEA MOEEIS as "Eaymonde Montaiglin" in her 
new adaption of Alexander Dunias'Great Play, 

HATMOMTDE 

SATDEDAY EVENING February 15th 

Benefit of Mr. JAMES O'SEII, aud Last 
Appearance of CLAEA MOEEIS. 

"DAVID GARRICK," 

"CAMILLE," (Fourth Act,) 
"THE MERCHANT OF VENICE," 

(Trial Scene.) 

MONDAY FEBEUAEY 17 

BAECOW, WILSON, PEIMEOSE & WEST'S 

MINSTREL^. 



GRAND OPERA HOUSE. 

The Management of Baldwin's Theatre has the 
honor to announce that in consequence of the im- 
mense room required for the Great Play, - .- 

Within an Inch of His Life, 

The GEAND OPEEA HOUSE has bee'd ' taken for 
a Speccial Dramatic Season, commencing MONDAY, 
FEBEUAEY 17. 



460 



THE UXUSTEATED WASP. 




The same degree of improvement which 
was noticed in theatrical matters last week 
has been observable this week also. 

At Baldwin's 
Miss Clara Morris has appeared in several of 
her favorite characters and to excellent 
houses. The oftener one sees Miss Morris, 
the more one becomes impressed with the 
fact that she is an actress of very great eruc- 
tional powers, and when those powers are 
adequately supported, as they are at this 
house, by able and conscientious artists, the 
result could not fail to be satisfactory to the 
cultured audiences who patronized the enter- 
tainments. Mr. James O'Neil takes a benefit 
at the Baldwin this (Saturday) evening. 

At the California 
Miss Rose Eytinge as Cleopatra in "Antony 
and Cleopatra," has formed a pleasing contrast 
to the moss-grown representations of John 
C. Raymond. The piece was mounted with 
elaborate scenic and other effects, and bar- 
ring some slight unevenness in the support, 
was very enjoyable. 

At the Bush Street Theatre 
"Eliza Weatherby's Froliques" continue to 
Bold the boards. For real rollicking fun, 
without vulgarity, this is the best troupe we 
have seen for some time. 

At the Standard 
Rice's Surprise Party has continued its at- 
tempts to hold the boards. The reason this 
house has failed so decidedly from a dram- 
atic standpoint, need no longer surprise any 
one. The fact that the management have 
had all their time employed in watching each 
other, explains the matter fully. 



day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twentv-five cents. 



Oues. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the-Zoologieal Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plan/es to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 



Ryland's American Circus is at San Ber- 
nardino. 

Josh Hart's party had large audiences at 
Salt Lake. 

Charles Barron is engaged for a tour in 
the South and West. 

The veteran actor, J. H. Vinson, is lying 
ill at Woodland, Yolo County. 

The Mapleson troupe opened in Philadel- 
phia on Monday last, for a short season. 

It is stated that Anna Dickinson has been 
offered large inducements to visit California. 

Strakosch remains in Boston till March, 
and thence expects to go direct to Califor- 
nia. 

A critic refers to John A. Stevens' play, 
"Unknown," as the dramatization of a night- 
mare. 

Mrs. J. H. Rome and two daughters are 
engaged for a sixteen weeks' tour with Mag- 
gie Mitchell. 

"The Banker's Daughter" will be followed 
by one of Cazauran's adaptations, entitled 
"Lost Children." 

It is stated that Barton Hill is negotiating 
with Ada Gillman as soubrette for the Cali- 
fornia next season. 

Another clergyman, Rev. Heber Newton, 
of the Episcopal Church, has taken broad 
ground in favor of the drama. 

Beecher lectured at the Philadelphia Aca- 
nemy, Monday last, on "Amusements," and 
afterwards visited the Broad Street Theatre. 

Genevieve Ward as Hermione and Mrs. 
Seott-Siddons as Perdite, contemplate ap- 
pearing at Booth's in "The Winter's Tale.'' 

Fred Berger has contracted with J. H. 
Haverly for an extended tour of the Pacific 
with his company at §1,000 a week, and ex 
penses paid. 

The dramatic event in Boston last week 
was the production at the Museum, by Law- 
rence Barrett, of Howell's translation of a 
play from the Spanish. 

There is some talk of organizing a joint 
stock company to purchase the old Skating 
Rink at Salinas, and convert it into a first- 
class Opera House. 

Mr. and Mrs. Boucieault appear next week 
at Booth's, N. Y., with Gilbert, Brougham, 
Beckett, Dominick Murray, and Ada Dyas, in 
four leading Irish plays. 

Mr. John Clarke, the comedian, for whom 
the part of Eccles, in "Caste" was originally 
intended by Mr. T. W. Robertson, is lying 
dangerously ill in England. 

Miss Lucy Buckstone, the daughter of the 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World 



veteran English comedian and manager, has 
retired from the stage, and was married in 
London on Monday, January 6th. 

The scenery formerly used in the New 
Music Hall, Virginia City, has been packed 
for Bodie by Morris Cathcart, who intends 
to open a theatre in that mining camp. 

Fred Paulding's debut in "The Fool's Re- 
venge," will be made at the Lyceum, soon. 
He is a relative of Washington Irving, and 
great grand-son of Commodore Paulding. 

The Madame Rentz and Santley's Burles- 
que Troupe did a good business through the 
country. The company opens shortly, at the 
Standard in this city, under Mr. Locke's 
management. 

Speaking of a performance by the British 
Blondes, a Nevada paper says: "There were 
no ladies present, but the gleaming sea of 
bald heads in the dress circle reminded one 
of Mount Davidson after a snowstorm." 

Edgar's "Leah," at the Broadway Thea- 
tre, N. Y., which was improving, has been 
interrupted by his illness, Wheelock's 
"Enoch Arnen" taking its place. Edgar 
proposes coming to California next Summer. 

"Andre Fortier, the 'Hero of the Calave- 
ras," is the title of a new drama by Victorien 
Sardou, soon to be produced at the Boston 
Theatre, illustrating life in California and 
Mexico during the gold fever of "forty-nine." 

On April 21st, Mr. George France will 
start out for a trip around the world, with 
his two dogs, and a "Black Game," com- 
mencing with San Francisco. Mr. Joseph 
Frank goes as business manager, and Billy 
E. Doyle as press agent. 

There will be four "H. M. S. Pinafore" 
companies at four different theatres, inclu- 
ding Fifth Avenue, here and in Brooklyn, 
next week. "Pinafore" music and dialogue 
are town topics. Arthur Sullivan, its author, 
is expected here from England soon. 

Tom Taylor, who is one of the four Eng- 
lish critics who dare speak freely of Henry 
Irving's faults, which, though few, are glar- 
ing, alludes to them as follows: "It can not 
be necessary that a man should go on with 
this heartless vivisection of lines and senten- 
ces, cutting off verbs from their nouns, sub- 
stantives from their adjectives, antecedents 
from their relatives, and prepositions from 
the words they govern; that he should make 
'God' rhyme to 'mad'." 



iiQIE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World, 



JBanj © Taught 

In Twelve Easy Lessons. 

TEItMR. $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



THE ILLUM TE ATED WASP. 



461 



Socrates at Home. 

A picture of Socrates would be incomplete 
that did not include a glimpse of his domes- 
tic relation. There is no disputing the fact 
that Xantippe. the wife of Socrates, tried the 
temper of the sage in every way. She railed 
and stormed against him; she trampled pres- 
ents that were sent to him under her feet; she 
knocked the tables over when he expected a 
friend to supper. But the sage never ruffled. 
He showed great genius in selecting the 
toughest trial possible to the soul of man, 
and that he endured it heroically is beyond 
question; yet there is something to be said 
for the much berated wife. 

"What was Socrates as a husband? He was 
so poor, by his own confession, that all the 
property under his roof would not have 
brought forty dollars at auction. All the 
morning he would have a glorious philosophi- 
cal lounge in Simon's shop, and then go 
home for dinner, forgetting that Xantippe 
had not been furnished with a sixpence to 
trade with the fishman at the door. His soul 
was revealing, no doubt, in great ideas, but 
his wife was all this while living among 
empty stew pans and rickety chairs, and 
feeling the infinite distinction between mut- 
ton and hunger, penury and household com- 
fort. 

It was a divine call, we know, that made 
Socrates a bad provider for his family, but 
we must also remember that, to have domes- 
tic tranquility in his circumstances, he should 
have a female Socrates for a wife, and that 
only supernatural grace could have kept any 
ordinary woman from being a termagant and 
a trial. 



Municipal Reform Party. 



To the Citizens of San Francisco.. 



The Executive Committee of the Municipal Eeiorm 
Party, desirous of promoting by all honorable means 
■within its power the cause which it has been np 
pointed to serve, are prompted at this most oppor 
tune moment to address you, and earnestly solicit 
your co-operation and support. 

All who love their Country and respect its institu 
tions. 

All in whose bosoms yet remains one lingering 
spark of Patriotism are earnestly entreated to " Waki 
up." "Shake off" the miserable "Nightmare" of 
political degradation, which, to the shame and dis- 
c/race of this community, has so long enthralled you, 
and by a decent, respectable exercise of the Sover- 
eignty vested in you, once more assert the rights and 
assume the dignit of American Citizenship. 

The Municipal Reform Party proposes to establish 
in its fullest significance, the the right to the name it 
has assumed, and eventually to gather in its folds 
the loyal intelligent masses of this Municipality. It 
It proposes to demonstrate the fact (as Uptonian as 
it may appear) that it is possible thatau organization 
can be effected upon the principle of honor and patri- 
otism, of sufficient importance to command the con- 
fidence and direct the affairs of this great and rapid 
ly growing City. 

To this end, it is proposed to establish a Council 
of honorable Citizens (Brave men and True) in each 
of the 55 precincts into which the City and County 
wa3 districted prior to the division of 1878, such 
Councils to serve as a Neucleus or base of operations 
(Recruiting Offices), where to enlist from every part 
of tho City, such Citizens only as are willing to serve 
for life, and who possess sufficient culture, intelli- 
gence and native honesty as to comprehend and ap 
preciate the purpose of this orgranization. 

From each of the several Councils so formed, i 
delegate is to be chosen, to represent it in a Com 
mon Council, which Common Council serves as an 
Executive body, to execute the will of the respective 
Councils they represent. 

Such, in substance, is the outline of the simple yet 
purely democratic self-governing principle or plan 
this Party have at present adopted. 

It may not be the best that wisdom may devise, 
but how vastly superior to the old plan of leaving 



these great interests, which surround our altars and 
our homes, to the tender care and protection of Na- 
tional political parties. 

The oft-repeated attempt to effect an honest, Effi- 
cient local Government, through the instrumentality 
of Pnrty politics, has ever been, what is now gener- 
ally conceded, a most miserable failure, inasmuch as 
those interests, of the most intrinsic importance, 
which tend most to the happiness of the people, are 
sacrificed in the ignoble struggle for a temporary 
party success. 

Of how much greater importance or consequence 
to the people of S.in Francisco would be an honest, 
efficient local government than what particular indi- 
vidual should occupy the Presidential Chair. 

As a necessary concomitant to party management 
of local goverument comes tne Primary Election — 
that Partisan abomination, from whence proceedeth 
the unclean things which befoul the political atmos- 
phere of our City, and where the crafty, dishonest 
politician can most effectually inaugurate his wicked 
purposes. 

Now, Fellow Citizens, the Municipal Reform Party 
has been instituted on a strictly non-partisan basis, 
for the express purpuse of attending to the business 
of tho local government of San Francisco, and as in 
earnest of this fact, it has been determined by the 
representatives of the twenty-four (24) Councils al- 
ready established, (in Common Council assembled,) 
to place before the Citizene of this Municipality, at 
the coming election, the names of such persons for 
Municipal Office as shall command the suffrage of 
the good and loyal men of all classes. 

We ask not, we care not, what may have been or 
what now are your party affiliatitions — what we want 
and what we must havo is "men of principle" to 
come to the front and join hands with us in an earn- 
est endeavor to inaugurated a better system of local 
government. 

Fellow Citizens, "as eternal vigilance is the .price 
of liberty," so too mast eternal action be the price of 
good Government. 

The time has now fully come, in the history of our 
Country, that to be a good citizen one must be an ac- 
tive politician. To refrain from it would be a culpa- 
ble neglect of our highest duty, a duty we owe to God 
under whose providence we have so long been pre- 
served a nation of free people; a duty we owe to the 
memory of the great and good men who founded 
these institutions of liberty; a duty we owe to the 
immortal dead, who gave their lives to defend them; 
and lastly, a duty we owe to our children, to transmit 
them unimpaired to their hands. 

Gentlemen, the duty is imperative and you neglect 
it at your peril. S. B. WATSON, 

Chairman of the Executive Committee. 



ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. "! 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 43,107, ban-els of beer, being 
twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. {See Official Report, U. , 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Yosemite Cologne! 



SPECIAL NOTICES. 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TEXT- 
IIOREY A CO.'S MACCARONI and VER- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

jnnl8-3trios i 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the "Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrup3 and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
tv. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 



CIGARETTES the Best in the "World. 



Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. "We furnish the covers *at the busi- 



SMOKE OLD JUDGE 

CIGARETTES the Best in the World. 



DIVIDEND NOTICE. 

The Hibernia Savings k Loan 
Society, 

N. E. Cor. Montgomery and Post Sts. 

At a regular meeting of the Board of Directors of 
this Society, held this day, a dividend at the rate _pf 
seven per ce-n^ per annum was declared for the period 
ending with the 31st day of December, 1878, free of 
Federal Tax. and payable from'atid after this date. 
" EOT. MARTIN, Secretary. 

San Francisco, Jan. 6, 1879. 



Bakery and Restaurant, 

No 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- decl4-lm 



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462 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



COLQMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly od 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Bnrgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

RED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

ROBERT mWLEmXm^ 

ft General Agent for San Francisco, also 

' Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 

412 Sansome Street, - - San Francisco. 




Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every, Family ! Manufactured every day, 
. #'*'" ■ '"**• of the best materials, .by .. ■ " 

m. GAKTY <3fc OO., 

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107 MOSTGOaiERY STREET. 

The attention of . the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



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Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 

OFFICEES: 



President 

•Vice-President 


...M. D. SWEENY- 

CD. O'SULLIVNA 




TRUSTEES- 


M. D. Sweeny, 
P. McAran, 
ft. J. Tobin, 


C. D. O'Sullivan, M. J. O'Connor, 
John Sullivan, Gus. Touchard, 
Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

EDWARD MARTIN 

>. RICHARD TOBIN 



REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 

May be sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
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tbeir safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany hi first deposit 
A proper Pass Rook will be delivered to the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
Deposits received from $2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 
july'21-tf ' 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Pap 3r Hanging, Decorating, etc., Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



NOTICE. 

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tisements of an improper-or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



R. HOE & GO. 



New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

Where will be i onnd Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GKEAT SUPERIORITY of our 

Lithograph 



f 



m 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui «fc Co'S generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



We have a large stock of 



Second Hand Presses ! 



—VERY CHEAP— both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



<CK 4-|-w QiOf") per ^y at home. Samples worth $5 free 



Address Stinsos & Co., Portland, Maine. 



MERCERS 

Marsh Mallow Candy 
w a o «r o m. if, 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

No. 17 POWELL ST., o»p. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

t^Special Attention paid to Country Orders. <S J&* 



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ARCADE MARKET 

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914 MARKET STREET 

— AND— 

No. 9 ELLIS STREET. 



C, D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. K. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at, the office a 50 cents at jpiece. 



A. SCHROEPFER, 

AECHITECT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Room 38. Elevator in the building. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Polk. 



Henry .Alirens So Co. 

Proprietors. 

/"^.i"\T T\ Airy worker can make §12 a day at home. Costly 
UyJUU Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



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my. 






THE ILLUSTRATED - WASP. 



4133 



San Francisco and XortI; Pacific It. It. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1878, 
and until further notice, Trains and Bouts 
will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, Washington Street Wharf.) 



3 00 *'" ^' DAILY, [Sundays included] Steamer "James M. 
• W Donahue/.' (Washington street Wnarf), connecting with 
Mail and Express train at Donahue, for PetauimnV SantaJEtosa, 

Healdlourg*, (.'lovertlnle and way stations. 'Staking Stage con- 
nections' OX Lakevills f.ir S"in.nu; at Guyserville f'-r Skat's 
Springs; at Cloverdale for Ukiahj Lakeport, Mendocino City, 
li H i the Geysers. 

^^Connections mode at Fulton on following moraine tor K<>r- 
bel's, GuernevUJeand, the Redwoods.. Sundays excepted. 

[Arrive at San Francisco at 10:80 A. M.j 



T-i. Freight received (nun 7 A. M. to "2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 



A. HUGHES, A. A. BEAN, 
Gen. Manager. Sup.'t. 



P. E. DOUGHERTY, 
Gen. P. &T. Ag't. 



J3 m BXCKS «fc CO., 

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ANT, 

Blank Book Manufacturers, 
543 Clay Street 



SAN FRANCISCO. 



jano-tf 



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Nails, Freckles, Waits, Moles, effectually cured by 
the celebrated Chiropodists, 

FEISTEL & GERARD, from Paris, 

R38 Market Street, opp. Fourth. Parlors 2 and 3, up 
stairs. 



in 



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Agent for' 

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Office in E. F. Haswell's Book Store 

Fourth Street, between J and 

SACEAMENTO, CAL. 



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LOOKING FOF^ HIS BH\THD/\Y C E LE B 1\/\T I O hf 



466 



THE UXUSTEATED WASP. 




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Notice to Coitntey News Dealees. — The San 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postymstebs. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Coerespondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 1879. 



'" Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak,- the strong oppressing." 



Hukrah for reform! First Logan, then 
Chandler, then — Grant, we suppose. Hip! 
Hip! Hur-r-r — it won't come up. 



The fact has just eome to light that it 
wasn't the Russians who licked the Turks. 
It was some American sharp shooters. 



The popular demand for education is grow- 
ing fiercer day by day. A New Yorker re- 
cently beat his daughter almost to death be- 
cause she could not spell Constantinople. 



Person's who have paid subscriptions to 
Charles Robinsos, of Sacramento, are re- 
spectfully informed that the financial ar- 
rangements which exist between him and 
them, are private; and that the "Wasp does 
not consider itself responsible for the execu- 
tion of- his undertakings. For any irregu- 
larity as to delivery, subscribers who have 
paid Mr. Robertson must seek redress from 
him and not the Wasp Publishing Company. 



PECUITAB PEOPLE, 



THE SELF-MADE MAN. 



In all the wide range of human frauds 
there is none greater — perhaps none so great 
— as the individual who claims the distinc- 
tion of having been the architect of his own 
fortunes; of having made himself. As a rule 
the claim is false; as a rule he is not respon- 
sible for his own success. He and it are 
both an accident. 

The "Self-made Man," if his own story is 
to be credited is a living witness of the power 
of indomitable perserverance and superior 
skill over adverse circumstances. He is al- 
ways born the son of very poor and propor- 
tionately respectable parents. That fact is 
the key-note of his whole career. Nature 
knowing that he was bound to become a 
great man purposely cast him into that po- 
verty-stricken family in order that he might 
show an astonished world how to surmount 
obstacles and rise superior to difficulties. 
Of course during his infantile days he is not 
allowed to obtain more than the merest rudi- 
ments of education. All the rest he must 
obtain himself, and by his own exertions, af- 
ter that eventful day when — at an age when 
most boys are thinking of little else than how 
to get in to their neighbor's orchard — he bids 
the old home good-by and with his bundle 
across his shoulder (they all start with a 
bundle) he tramps off to the great city and 
into the great world. 

As a rule he has, at the commencement of 
his career, labored all day long at some oc- 
cupation which would prove completely ex- 
hausting to any ordinary human being, and 
then he has gone home and spent the even- 
ing and a great portion of the night acquir- 
ing, without the aid of a tutor, a knowledge 
of some foreign language, or, perhaps, pur- 
suing some other difficult study which ordi- 
nary flesh and blood, aided by unexhausted 
physical resources and competent teachers, 
would find extremely difficult. But nothing 
is impossible to the "Self-made Man" in his 
younger days; if to attain his object in life 
he found it necessary to build a ladder long 
enough to reach to the moon he would do it. 
The powers of light and darkness combined 
could not prevail against him. 

It is an astonishing fact that fate or Pro- 
vidence- or whatever power it is that regu- 
lates our affairs in this world is always dead 
set against this young hero. Every little oc- 
currence which would tend to help him in 
his struggle does not occj:, and everyone 
which tends to keep him back does occur. 
The very gods seem to conspire against his 
progress. He receives rebuffs, hard knocks, 
and interference from all quarters. People 
who have no earthly reason to be anything 
else but kind and considerate and applausive 
of his efforts seem to be quite the reverse, 
and that, too, simply because he is engaged 
in the laudable work of carving out his for- 
tune. 

Another peculiarity about the "Self-made 
Man" lies in the fact that he, and the news- 
papers, modestly keep the secret of his hav- 
ing single handed navigated his own bark 



through Jife,. without the. assistance of rud- 
der, compass, or sails, to themselves until 
such times as he is "made" beyond possibili- 
ty of failure. If one could only hear of a 
case when the process is going on, one could 
watch it and judge for oneself whether there 
is any truth in the frequently asserted state- 
ment that the "Self-made Man," instead of 
representing the result of ability and energy 
exercised upon adverse and unfavorable cir- 
cumstances, is in truth and in fact the pro- 
duct of a succession of fortunate events assis- 
ted by crawling sycophancy, contemp table - 
trickery, and unlimited cheek. 

The innocent persistance with which the 
"Self-made Man" makes known the fact that 
he was not born with a silver spoon in his 
mouth is suggestive — that is, it naturally 
suggests to one's mind that he is rather proud 
of himself, rather proud of his achievements, 
and rather proud of his obscure origin. In 
this respect he differs from his sister, Mrs. 
Snob, who is rather ashamed of it and would 
rather have people think that fifteen golden 
spoons, inlaid with pearls and diamonds, 
were used in supplying her infant stomach 
with nourishment, and that one hundred and 
fifty leading papers, in view of her "pa's" 
wealth and standing, printed the notice of 
her birth in bronze letters. 



THE FRAUD BEGI5S TO EXPOSE ITSELF. 

A row is looming in the ranks of the soi- 
disant "Workingmen." The Vice-"Leeder" 
is broadly accused of having tried to sell his 
influence to monied members of that class of 
people whom he and his superior have been 
engaged for the past sixteen months in de- 
nouncing — the politicians. The charge has 
been made through the medium of the Chro- 
nicle's column's. It has been made in no ob- 
scure or ambiguous manner either. If it is 
untrue nothing could be simpler than to 
prove it so. But it is true; even the unlimi- 
ted cheek of the brazen-faced ignoramus waj 
unequal to the task of denying it. Instead of 
attempting to do so he steps boldly to the front 
and says he has a right to do this thing. He 
claims that he has a right to ask candidates 
for the shrievalty to contribute money to- 
wards the support of his paper ujjon the im- 
plied understanding that his great influence 
will not be used against them. That his pa- 
per is a business speculation and must be 
conducted upon business principles. Oh 
Ho! To be sure! The Vice-"Leeder's" pa- 
per is a business enterprise and he has a right 
to employ any and all means to make it pay! 
The Central Pacific Railroad is not a busi- 
ness enterprise and consequently it has no 
right to try by any and all means to make 
money. The Spring Valley Water Company 
is not a business enterprise and consequently 
it has not the right to try and make money. 
The Gas Company is not a business enter- 
prise and consequently it has not the right 
to try to make money. But the Vice-"Lee- 
der" is entitled to start a paper and resort to 
all manner of dishonorable and dishonest 
tricks in order to make it pay. What a beau- 
tiful theory! And the great "Leeder" arises 
and tells us that his confidence in the Vice- 
"Leeder" is unimpaired. And these are the 



THE ILLrSTBATED WASP. 



467 



men who are going to reform our govern- 
ment! Great Scott! "Our Leeder's" confi- 
dence in his lieutenant is unimpaired! What 
a soothing reflection. Suppose that the great 
man's confidence in his equally great assis- 
tant had been shaken ? 

It must be recollected that these two men 
have been loudly charging everybody and 
everything with corruption, dishonesty, and 
dishonor. They have charged the Press with 
being untruthful, with being governed by 
mercinary consideration! They have pro- 
nounced it as their opinion that the Press 
wanted reforming the worst way. And now 
one of them starts a paper and without wait- 
ing for the lecherous bondholders and thiev- 
ing politicians to come and corrupt him with 
their gold he rushes at them and asks to be 
corrupted. And the other one says that his 
confidence in the rusher is unimpaired. 
Think of it ye gods and little fishes! That's 
the kind of reformation we are going to have. 
That's the way the country is going to be 
purified and started upon a fresh basis. 
These are the men who are going to remodel 
our institutions upon an honester founda- 
tion. Yea and verily. Behold the marvel. 



[See Double-page Illustration.] 

CIGAR MAKING. 

The illustration to be found upon our 
double-page.is well worthy of careful and at- 
tentive study. 

When it is borne in mind that tobacco is 
an absorbant which will gather and retain all 
the poisonous gasses which surround it in a 
close and unhealthy appartment the fearful 
importance of this matter can be appreciated. 
It is wrong and dangerous that diseased 
Chinamen are permitted to manufacture ci- 
gars in underground localities in an atmos- 
phere which reeks' with deadly vapors, and 
it is no less wrong and dangerous that white 
people should be compelled to labor all day 
long, and sometimes half the night, in a close 
crowded tenement house, as is the case in 
New York and Chicago. Children brought 
up in a small room which has to serve as 
kitchen, parlor, bed-room, workshop, and, 
occasionally, as an hospital, must necessari- 
ly become, as men and women, physically 
weak and morally vicious. While on the 
other hand the flavor of the cigar made amid 
the droppings and crumbs of a scanty board, 
and the hair combings of a not very luxurious 
toilet, must be extremely pleasing. 

It has been sung in our ears for years past 
that in the business of manufacturing cigars 
the Chinese have reduced the wages so low 
that white men cannot make a comfortable 
living at it. It has been said the Chinaman 
by reason of his frugality of life; by reason 
of his living amid squalor and filth, was en- 
abled to labor at rates which would not sup- 
ply the more luxurious Caucasian with the 
necessities of life. But as a matter of truth 
and fact it was the necessity of competing 
against cigars made amid the squalor and 
filth of the tenement houses of New York and 
Chicago that brought down the rate of the 
cigar maker's remuneration here. 

There is but one proper place for manufac- 
turing cigars, and that is in a large, cleanly 



and well ventilated factory. To the consumer 
it matters not whether the dirt and disease 
which is given to him to smoke was gathered 
in the back slums of New York or in the back 
slums of our Chinatown. The objectionable 
feature is the dirt and the disease — not the 
place and the circumstances. 

Cigars made in this way can not be sold in 
the East. They are made for this market. 
The shrewd white-slave owners of New York 
and Chicago know that California requires a 
cigar made by white labor — and so they sup- 
ply it. An article which has been manufac- 
tured amid filth and disease; an article which 
has been poisoned with drugs intended to 
give it a good appearance, and which is done 
up in nice boxes covered with ribbons, pic- 
tures, chromos, tin-foil, etc. — but still a 
white labor cigar. And the labels on the 
boxes are changed with rapid regularity so 
that by the time a man finds out that the 
brand is inexpressably bad it is exhausted. 

In conclusion, if the white cigar-makers of 
this Coast were to teach the boys and girls 
to make cigars and so to supply this market 
with better and cheaper goods than are made 
in Chinatown or imported from the East, they 
would be — as they pretend to be— fulfilling 
their obligations as social democrats or rt 
formers. 



should surely cause them to do honor to the 
memory of the man who refused to tell a lie. 



| See Illustration on First Page. | 
LOOKING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. 

General Washington was a man who ren- 
dered this country some very signal services 
a few years ago. We are willing, of course, 
to concede that there have been other per- 
sons who have claims on our grateful remem- 
brance. We are willing to concede that 
Christopher Columbus did a big thing for 
this country when he discovered it. We are 
willing to concede that St. Patrick did a 
great service for this country when he ban- 
ished the snakes out of Ireland and convert- 
the kings and rulers of that country to his 
religious views; but at the same time we 
think that George Washington should not be 
so far forgotten that it should be necessary 
for him to hunt around with a light in order 
to find a celebration of his birthday. 

Of course, as we said before, we are not 
going to dispute the claims of Christopher 
Columbus for remembrance by the Ameri- 
can people; we will freely and frankly ad- 
mit that it is but right and proper for the 
American people — with the exception of the 
Indians — to feel grateful to him for bav- 
in"' discovered their country. We are not 
going to dispute the claims of St. Patrick for 
remembrance by the American people; we 
will freely and frankly admit that he would 
no doubt have banished the snakes out of 
this country and converted our national Sen- 
ate, if he had had time to come here. But at 
the same time we respectfully submit that 
General Washington, whose courage and sa- 
gacity in a very great measure contributed 
to effecting our national independence should 
not be put off with a "snide" celebration, 
while these other individuals are honored 
with gorgeous displays. 

Another thing, the remarkable love of 
truth which is the distinguishing character- 
istic of the Americans of the present day 



[See Illustration on Last Page.] 
THE SAVAGE HEROES OF THE CENTURY. 

They are two in number. The Indian who 
wiped out one of the bravest Generals in the 
United States Army, and the African who 
wiped out a British force. The latter event, 
judging from the quiet chucke with which 
the occurrence has been published by Ameri- 
can papers, has soothed our national feelings 
immensely. The fact that Sitting Bull sat 
upon our military has been counterbalanced 
by the Zulus jumping upon the consequen- 
tial Britishers. 

If "the star spangled banner" of the free 
and brave was not used for a dish cloth by 
the Indian, it was because he had no dishes 
to wash. If "the flag that braved a thous- 
and years the battle and the breeze" was not 
used for a window cloth by the dusky Zulu, 
it was because he had no windows to clean. 
Thus are things equalized. Great Britain 
can afford to admire the noble red-man, while 
we can afford to admire the gallant black- 
man. 

For these and other cogent reasons, we all 
admire "The Savage Heroes of the Century." 
Merit calls for recognition, and bravery for 
admiration ; it is but right that we should 
yield to the call. 



Speaking of Grant's recent visit to Dublin, 
a London letter to the New York Iribune, 
says: "The r.ooms where once sat the Irish 
House of Lords and the Irish House of Com- 
mons were visited, but the General preserved 
the same icy indifference. He looked at 
them as if he never heard of an Irish House 
of Commons." We have been looking around 
for some insuperable obstacle to throw in the 
way of Grant's possible return to the White 
House — and now we have found it. The 
American nation cannot and will not elect a 
man to the Presidency who could look "as if 
he had never heard of an Irish House of 
Commons." Such a proceeding is barred by 
the Constitution. Besides, more than likely 
it would involve the country in a war with 
the Irish Republic. 



The letter-press of the present edition of 
the Wasp. was printed by our new press. It 
is an instrument somewhat smaller than the 
one which Mr. Pickering put up about this 
time last year, but it is from the same manu- 
facturers — Hoe & Co. — and was obtained 
through their agents, Messrs. Tatum & 
Bowen of this city. 



The tissue ballot business of South Caro- 
lina does not appear to have been monopo- 
lized by either party. A Charleston printer, 
examined by the Teller Committee, swore 
that he printed ten thousand tissue ballots 
for W. M. Mackey, a Bepublican, candidate 
for Congress, who appears to have been 
beaten at his own game. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thir- 
ty-five cents a month by carriers. 



470 



THE ILLUSTRATED WAfor\ 



More Bitter than Death. 



CHAPTER III.— Continued. 

46T CANNOT," she sobbed. "Did I give 
I up my child, I would be a monster — I would 
JLbe inhuman!" 

"No — not as I have arranged it. The child would 
be a thousand times better off. 1 would put him un- 
der the care of some one who would be all kindness 
to him. He should have a superior education; he 
should follow some good profession. I would grant 
him a liberal allowance. But you must give him up. 
If you refuse, see how you stand in the boy's light. 
He may be a gentleman. If he remains with you, 
he can be nothing but a working-man. Think twice 
before you deprive your child of these advantages!" 

"Oh, Philip, be merciful!" she moaned. "I can- 
not — I must not — it would be selling my heart for 
gold." 

Her distress touched him. 

"No, my darling," he said, "it would be giving up 
a small love for a great one. Gladys, I have gold 
and lands — not that I would tempt you with them, 
sweet, but you will be mistress of .them. You will 
have everything that riches can give — horses, car- 
riages, servants, jewels, dresses — you will have lux- 
ury and magnificence." 

But for all answer she bent her face to the ground 
murmuring — 

"My little child — my little helpless child!" 

"Darling, "he continued, "you have never learned 
that you are beautiful. That beauty of yours shall 
have a noble setting; the world shall be at your feet. 

You will know the value of beauty when you take 
your place in the great gay world." 

She only cried more bitterly — 

"My little child — my helpless little child." 

"I will show you everything that is most beautiful 
in this fair world of ours. You shall go to the sweet 
sunny South — to Italy and Spain." 

And still she gave no answer but the pitiful cry for 
her child. 

"You will be so happy, Gladys; almost before you 
can form a wish it will be granted — before yon can 
want any thingit shall be yours. Do not think me cruel. 
Think for a moment of the bright side. Leo will go 
from you to be trained to be a gentlemen; he will 
always be kindly treated — he will have a liberal al- 
lowance." 

"Philip," she cried, "for Heaven's sake cease to 
torture mel I cannot give up my child!" 

"Then you are selfish in what you call your love, 
Gladys. You prefer that your child should be raised 
in ignorance and poverty, that you may indulge in a 
foolish fondness for him. That is not the noble self 
sacrificing love of a mother who would surrender the 
indulgence of her love for the well-being of her child 
You make yourself the barrier between your child 
and his life-long prosperity." 

She clung to him, crying — 

"Be merciful to me, Philip; let me keep my little 
child!" 

"No; I will not share your love with him. You 
must choose between us. I will not press you for an 
answer now. If you keep your boy, you keep him in 
poverty and ignorance — and you lose me. If you 
give up the boy, he will become a gentleman; he will 
have every advantage that wealth and education can 
give him, while I shall be with you. Choose between 
the two." 

"It is not fair," she cried — "a man pitted against 
a little child — he can hardly speak plainly, and he 
has no one but me. "Why, Philip, he cannot go to 
sleep unless his little arms are round my neck; he 
will not take food from any hand but mine; if he 
wakes in the night, he cannot sleep again unless I 
am with him. It would kill him, dear, if I left him. 
Oh, Philip, ask me for my life, but not for my little 
child!" 

"I will leave it to you," he said. "You must 
choose between us. You can take your own time, 
darling. Think well of the two lives as the will be 
before you— but remember how dearly I love you." 

She again placed her hands in his. 

"Philip," she pleaded- "could you not learn — not 
to love, not to like even, but to tolerate mv little 
child ?" 

"No, Gladys. "When you become my wife, you 
must have done with this past of yours. As my wife 
I can raise you to my rank, I can place you by my 
side. I can place no one there with you. If you 
cannot do what I wish, we must part. But, Gladys 
sweet, I will give you three days to consider. I will 
not come near you to persuade or to bias you. I 
merely tell you that I will leave my life and my hap- 
piness in your hands. I will say good-bye to you 
until then."" 

But that "goodbye" would have unnerved a 
stronger woman. He held her to his breast; he 
rained kisses on her sweet face and her hands. 

"I leave my whole heart with you my sweet — good 
bye!" And then he was gone, and Gladys stood 
alone. 



"He has been cruel to me!" she sobbed. "He 
should not have asked me to love him if he had not 
meant to love my child — my pretty Leo. I could 
never leave him." 

All through that first day she was resolved and de- 
termined she would never part with her child. She 
covered him with kisses and caresses — she called 
him every loving word; then, when ho was asleep, 
the longing for her lover came over her. She must 
see him. Yet he had been so cruel to her — so hard 
so stern — he wanted to part her from her child. 

On the second day she dropped like a fading flow- 
er; her whole heart and soul yearned for Philip. 
"What was life without him? Her eyes ached to look 
upon him; her ears waked for the sound of his voice 
of his footsteps, of his caressing words. Her whole 
being turned instinctively to him. 

"How shall I live without him?" she cried. 

On the third day day she was prostrate and droop- 
ing; her soul seemed to be dead within her. There 
was no beauty left on earth or in sky. 

She was conscious only of a passionate longing for 
Philip — a passionate craving for his presence which 
nothing could not believe that any one could be so 
cruel; he must re trying her — trying to see if she 
would really give up for his sake that which she loved 
best. He could not mean that he was jealous of her 
little child. How foolish she had been to believe it! 

A faint color came back to her face; she even 
smiled to herself; she knew all about it now; he was 
trying her. If she gave up her boy, she was quite 
sure that, when they had been married a short time, 
he would send for him. Men were jealous of men, 
not of children. She wondered that she had not 
seen through it before. They would not be parte! 
for long — she and her little Leo; a few weeks' ab- 
sence would secure his future. 

If she had thoroughly believed and been perfectly 
convinced that Philip would keep his word, she 
would never have parted with Leo — never have 
trusted him for one moment out her sight. But she 
did not believe it. She grasped at the idea that he 
wished to try her. What could it matter to Philip if 
she loved her little child? It was quite natural Still 
she could understand that at first he would want her 
all to himself. But surely when they were at home 
he would let her see Leo. 

Her mother's love told her that Leo was such a 
beautiful boy; every one who saw him must love him 
She could not understand the Lauraine jealousy; it 
was a sealed book to her. She tried to think of the 
bright side of the choice that had been offered her — 
how Leo would be educated and trained as she could 
never educate and train him. If they remained as 
they were, what would she do with him? There was 
the sweet fallacious hope that Philip did not mean 
all he had said — he was only trying her. Above all 
was the craving, the longing for him, the thirst for 
his presence, the desire to see him, the awful blank 
of his absence,, which was so unbearable. 

On the evening of the third day she saw him; he 
was all impatience. 

"Gladys, how welcome your presence is!" he cried. 
"I thought the evening would never come. I have 
counted the hours; did they seem long to you Gla- 
dys? I thought they would never pass. Oh; my 
darling, my love, let me welcome you before I ask 
your answer!" 

Such a welccme it was — it thrilled her heart with 
joy. Presently she raised her face so his. 

"You will tell me where you intend to send my 
Leo. will you not?" she whispered. 

His dark face grew radiant with delight. 

"You give everything up for me darling, will you?" 
he said. 

"Yes," she answered; and it never occurred to 
him that his love was the most selfish love that 
could be given. 

CHAPTER IV. 

"It will not be for long, my darling, "cried Gladys 
— in a passion of love and despair she kissed the 
rounded limbs, the sweet face, the little hands — "not 
for very long, my baby; and you will be a gentleman 
when you grow up — not the son of a poor farmer! 
Oh, my little boy — my little Leo — it will not be for 
long." 

Even in this, the sharpest thrill of pain she was 
not without a slight feeling of pleasure. Pretty lit- 
tle leo had never been well dressed — he had worn 
very poor, shabby clothes; but now a portion of the 
golden shower had fallen over him. Lord Lauraine 
had placed a purse in her hands. 

"This is all for the boy," he said, "to be spent on 
his clothes. Take three days more; buy him every- 
thing you think he may want: let him have as many 
toys as he can play with; get everything packed for 
him. The lady who will take charge of him will be 
here in three days; and if you will give your gracious 
consent, Gladys, we will be married by special li- 
cense on the same day. ' 
1 He thought, by giving her the means of purchasing 
so much for the boy, he had devised a remedy for 
lessening her grief and parting with him. She, on 
the contrary, looked on it jw a sign that he would 
relent; it would be only a matter of time. Yet, even 



with the conviction firmly planted in her mind, she 
found it more bitter than death to part with her 
babe. 

She did not know the exact time when the little 
one was taken away. Lord Lauraine spared her all 
he could. She went out one morning to purchase 
something; when she returned, little Leo was gone, 
and she returned alone through what seemed like 
the bitterness of death to her. Still the fallacious 
hope upheld her — Philip was only trying her; it 
would all be right when they are married a few 
months. 

Her mind did not misgive her, even when, kissing 
his brow — the first voluntary caress she had ever 
given him — she said — 

"Philip, you will tell me where you have sent 
Leo?" 

His face darkened. 

"He is in safe, kind gentle, hands, Gladys, he 
told her. "he went away laughing and in high glee. 
But now, remember, this is the last time his name is 
to be mentioned between us." 

Even then she was not afraid. He was only try- 
er; all would be ri*ht in tirna. 

She checked the bitter grief which frightened her. 
She had not known until now the depth of her love 
for her child; it alarmed her. But there was her 
handsome, ardent lover holding the license in his 
hand and pressing her to go to church. 

"I have no nice dress to be married in, Philip," 
she said. 

"Never mind, my darling; come just as you are. 
You could not be more beautiful. Before nightfalls 
you shall have a hundred if you will." 

The only witnesses that strange marriage were the 
old sexton and his wife. The Hector looked aston-* 
ished when he read the name of the bridegroom; he 
was even more astonished at the princely donation 
that came after the marriage. Then Philip, Lord 
Lauraine, clasped his beautiful wife to his breast. 

"You are mine now, Gladys," he said — "mine 
alone!" And in that moment she dared not mention 
her child. 

Before nightfall they were in London. Lord Lau- 
raine drove first to a celebrated West-end milliner's, 
There Glady's astonished eyes beheld more magnifi- 
cence than she had dreamed of. Lady Lauraine — in 
rich silks and laces, a little Parisian bonnet crown- 
ing her golden hair, with exquisite gloves and shoes 
— looked very different from the plainly-dressed girl 
at Calderwood. The Earl was enraptured. 

"How beautiful you are my darling!" he cried; 
and, as he caressed her, praised her, flattered her, 
she thought all the time of little Leo. Could he but 
see her, how he would clasp his hands. 

"I had intended to go straight home to Eainewold 
Gladys, but we must stay in Londen while I find you 
a maid and a trousseau." 

Lady Lauraine was startled by the magnificence of 
of that trousseau; she had never seen such superb 
silks, velvets, laces, ornaments — ornaments of which 
she did not even know the names. Her clever maid 
tpo, almost awed her; but it waswonderful howsoon 
she became reconciled to the new order of things. 
She was so quick and so intelligent that she seldom 
betrayed her ignorance — the quiet serenity of her 
manner saved her from that. She never once pained 
the Earl by the least gauckerie. There were many 
matters of which she was ignorant — she told him so; 
and he taught her the etiquette of the table and the 
drawing-room. She never forgot anvthing that he 
told her; she never made any mistakes afterwards. 

When they had been a week in London, living in, 
comparative privacy, he felt that he could present 
her anywhere — her grace of manner, like her refine- 
ment and good taste, was nature's own gift. No one 
would have guessed who saw her then that she had 
been the wife of a poor farmer who had had a dirh- 
oulty to find even daily bread for her. Her perfect 
calmness and self-possession saved her from all awk- 
wardness. When she had been a few weeks with 
Lord Lauraine, her manner differed but little from 
that of other ladies. 

Then the Earl took his beautiful wife home to 
Eainewold. There was a welcome for them such as 
in her wildest dreams she had never imagined. 
There was the joy c* is clang of bells. There were the 
the cheers and cries of the tenantry, who bade them 
"welcome home." The face of the young Countess 
grew pale with emotion as she saw the stately palace 
of Eainewold. 

"Is that your "louse Philip" she asked in a low 
one of wonder. 

"M ne and yours," he answered — "yours above all 
darling: for of that house you are to he mistress and 
queen." 

The splendor of her home dazed Gladys — the re- 
tinue of servants almost bewildered her. It seemed 
to her that all luxuries and treasures on earth had 
been brought into the superb rooms. And when she 
was alone her thoughts always tookone direction — 
how baby Leo would enjoy such surroundings if he 
were but with her. 

The servants often found her sitting with a faint 
sad smile upon her face, a far-off dreamy look in her 
eyes; and they wondered why any shadow rested no 



THE ILLUerRAXED WASP. 



471 



the gladness of her whose good fortune was surely 
greater than that of any other. Who could guess 
that, above all flattery, homage and praise, above the 
murmur of soft speech, the silver voices of women 
and the tones of men, above the song of birds, the 
whisper of the wind, above every souud on earth — 
even the voice of the husband she loved — she heard 
always the cry of her child? No other sound deadened 
that. 

She never spoke of it. None the less it haunted 
her. In the morning, at noon, and at night little 
Leo's plaintive cry for her was always near. The 
magnificence and splendor of her lordly home did 
not fill her heart. There was a vacant place in her 
life which no other love could fill. 

CHAPTER T. 

There was one person at Itainewold who did not 
like the beautiful young Countess, and that was the 
Lord Albert Lauraiue, the Earl's next of kin and 
heir. When the Earl, having exhausted — as he be- 
believod — all the world's pleasures and delights, de- 
lights declared that he should never majry, because 
he could never find a woman who was anything like 
his ideal, he sent for Albert Lauraiue. 

"I may change ny mind and marry some day," he 
ssid — "not that I see any probability of it. If I do, 
you will find that I have provided for you; if I do 
not, you will succeed rue; and I hope you will enjoy 
your earldom — if it should be yours — better than I 
have enjoyed mine. I have had my own way too 
much in life." 

Albert Lauraine had keenly watched the young 
Earl. As one flirtation after another came to noth- 
ing, he rejoiced, feeling that alliance would ever 
- please the Earl of Lauraiue. He had been five years 
at Rainewold, when a letter from the Earl announced 
his marrriage and desired all due preparations to be 
made for the reception of his bride. 

Albert Lauraine said nothing; but his disappoint- 
ment was keen and deep. He kept all his thoughts 
to himself, and busied himself in preparing a splen- 
did welcome for the bride. All the time he hated her. 
When he saw her brilliant beauty, her wondrous 
grace, he hated her even more. He watched her 
closely, noting the far-off gaze in the lustrous eyes, 
noting the'sadness that fell over her when she be- 
lieved herself to be alone; and he smiled to himself 
as he thought, "The young Countess has a secret in 
her life — one that saddens her; and, if I live, I'll 
find it out." 

Ho was kind, deferential, and attentive to her; hut 
he hated her, and longed for nothing more than her 
downfall. 

The Earl and his wife had been married some 
months. Spring was coming round again. Gladys 
began to wonder if she might broach the subject of 
her child. No one could have been kinder to her 
than the Earl. His marriage had quite changed him 
the languor, the restlessness, the ennui, had disap- 
peared as though by magie. Life had become full of 
grave duties; he remembered that hundreds of peo- 
ple depended on him; he interested himself in their 
welfare; he took his place amongst the peers of the 
land. 

"I owe everything to you, Gladys, my sweet," he 
•would say to his wife. "I have found the greatest of 
all treasures — a perfect wife." 

He was astonished at her quick intelligence, her 
marvellous judgment. She helped him in every way. 
When he had any great speech to deliver, he dis- 
cussed it with her. She was his right hand, his ad- 
viser, his good influence. She roused him to noble 
resolutions; and in her heart she had always this 
one hope — that he would give her back her little 
child. 

She assured herself one evening that the time she 
had looked forward to was come. Philip and she 
were together and alone in the grest drawing-room 
at Kainewold. They had entertained a large party 
of guests. Now their visitors had departed, Albert 
Lauraine had gone to enjoy a cigar, and they were 
left alone. She Jooked superbly beautiful in a trail- 
ing dress of white and gold, her rounded arms bare 
to the shoulders, diamonds gleaming on her graceful 
neck and white breast, diamond stars shining in the 
golden hair — tall, slender and graceful. She left her 
seat, and, going over to where he sat, she put one 
white arm round his neck. 

"Do you really feel that you owe me something, 
Philip?" she said. 

"Yes, my darling — something for your beauty, 
which is like a sunshine in my house; something 
for your love, which makes earth heaven for me; 
something for your marvellous intelligence, which 
helps to make many things more clear to me.'* 

"Yon really owe me something?" she repeated. 
"Oh, Philip,. let me tell you how you can pay the 
debt — how you can bind my heart to you forever — 
how you can make me happier than any one in the 
wide world!" 

He bent over her; he raised her fair face; he kissed 
the sweet red mouth. Unutterable love shone in his 
eyes; unutterable love gleamed in his face. 
[to be oontentjed."! 




G^"No communication will be inserted unless the 
color of the writer's eye-brows, the date of his — or 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signed by the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nom de plume the writer desires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarantee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

Professor. — Each member of Congress 
does not own his Congressional District. He 
merely represents it. 

Cornfed. — Yes, sir. You can draw "An- 
gels from Heaven" with a crayon. But still 
a crayon has not as much influence over an 
angel as a loadstone has over a needle. 

Scott — Writes: "Please inform me through 
the medium of your valuable paper." We 
stop right there. This paper isn't very valu- 
able. You can buy it any time for a short 
bit. 

John. — If she tells you she has given you 
her heart "she is fooling thee." No woman 
ever gave her heart to anybody except a me- 
dical college; and, even then, she didn't do 
it until she was dead. 

Olive. — The steamship City of San Fran- 
cisco was valued at about $300,000. But we 
don't know what the intrinsic value of the 
editor of the Call is; we should imagine it 
was not quite so much. 

Laborer. — The New Constitution may con- 
tain a clause directing the next legislature to 
pass a bill giving everybody a thousand dol- 
lars. At the present writing, however, no 
such clause has been added. 

Aurora. — Scientific men dispute the state- 
ment that a cup of coffee poured out by a 
nice girl requires less sacharine matter to 
sweeten it than one poured out by a sour old 
woman's lighter. In the conflict of thought 
we will arrive at the truth. 

Doolf — Who is worth two or three million 
of dollars, writes to us asking our advice as 
to the testamentary disposition which he 
should make his property. We advise him 
to bequeath three-fourths of the amount to 
the lawyers and the residue to his relative. 
This will save time and trouble. 

Helen. — The poem to which you refer 
runs thus : 

Napoleon, husband, lover, friend, 
How nice it is to see you bend 
Your elbow, at the jovial bar, 
Even though fortune tries to mar 
Thy well laid and ambitious plana 
As a oat spoils the milkmaid's pans. 

Dbomgoole — Wants to know what is the 
census of San Francisco ? Well the census 



of San Francisco is simply the number of 
men, women, children, goats, horses, etc., 
which reside within its limit. If, as we ima- 
gine, you meant to ask what is the popula- 
tion of this city according to the census, we 
can't tell you because no census has been 
taken for years past. We don't know where 
the last census was taken to, but it was 
taken. 



Ah Fong, a Love-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

2b the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Eoey 

Fan: 

After being released from the foul den to 
which the barbarian law had consigned me, 
because of my plebeian and economical mode 
of life, I resolved in my mind that it was 
about time for me to begin to look around 
for something to do. With this object in 
view I repaired to the establishment of Sam 
Keep who keeps an intelligence office. At 
least he says he does; but it is my opinion 
that his mother did not teach him to revere 
truth, as she ought, for it was quite evident 
to me that the intelligence office keeps him. 
This is a point, however, which will keep. 

At this establishment I was permitted to 
take a seat amongst a great number of my 
compatriots and await the arrival of the bloa- 
ted oppressors of labor who, being too lazy 
to cook their own dinners and wash their 
own dishes, employ the docile male China- 
man — rather than the bumptious Caucasian 
female from Cork — to do it. Nor had I long 
to wait. The first patron was a sharp faced 
little woman. It was easy, to be seen she 
was smart; every line in her face, every mo- 
tion of her body, indicated it beyond doubt. 
Out of about sixty people she picked the one 
who was exactly suited to her requirements 
in three seconds. I am glad it wasn't me. 
I inhereted from my mother a strange aver- 
sion to having a pereon die in the same house 
with me, and I don't believe that that woman 
has long to live. She is too smart for this 
world. 

The next patron was a ponderous woman 
with a mole on her chin. She was slow and 
methodical. She went through the room 
and examined each aspirant for housemaid 
honors carefully as to the state of his soul 
and also as to his views in regard to the pro- 
priety of using kerosene instead of olive oil 
in manufacturing salad. She didn't select 
me and I was glad of it. H that woman 
should ever chance to fall out of bed, the 
papers will have a big item about a house be- 
ing shaken down by an earthquake and its 
occupants killed. I don't want to be there. 

The next arrival captivated me, however; 
and I captivated her. There was an air of 
careless easy grace about her which impres- 
sed me at once. I am confident she will not 
care if the whole Chinese Empire is my cou- 
sin and comes to see me every night. She 
walked through the crowd as though she had 
forgotten what she came about; but, when 
she arrived opposite to me she paused and 
regarded me for a moment. I assumed my 
sweetest smile and the thing was done. Of 
course, my dearest Hoey, you will not feel 
jealous at this. The poor lady could not 
help being smitten with my beauty and I — 
well, business is business you know; but I am 
still 

Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Aa Fons. 



Wfisp* 





The Very Freshest American Humor. 

Sound money — the organist's salary. — 
Camden Posl. 

Influenced by an economical spirit — Get- 
ting tipsy on cheap whisky. 

Proverb — People who live in glass houses 
should pull down the blinds. 

There isn't a lighthouse on the coast that 
weighs less than a ton. — Utica Observer. 

A "Wisconsin professor had his ears frozen 
in nine different languages. — N. Y. Herald. 

The plumber's dying words for his absent 
wife— ''Tell her I'll meter over there."- — N. 
Y. Express. 

He passed a counterfeit bank note in the 
morning and a sleepless night in the lockup. 
—N. Y. News. 

Isn't a tree like a sleep when it becomes 
slumber ? Of course you saw it. — Baltimore 
Every Saturday. 

The filthy lucre which rolls into the coal 
dealer's coffers nowadays is his weather pro- 
fit. — Rome Sentinel, 

When the collection box threatens, an au- 
dience would sooner disperse than dispurse. 
— Boston Transcript. 

Business prospects are certainly stiffening. 
Four new starch factories are to be erected 
in Maine. — Lowell Courier. 

"When the schoolmaster reduced the boy to 
submission it was an unfair contest, because 
it was tutor one. — N. Y. Mail. 

"Women's Dress" is the game of Captain 
Wessell's scout. He took the name because 
he war-hoops. — Phila. Bulletin. 

The Portland Argus says there are sixty- 
two "cradles" on one street in Biddeford. 
Probably a very rocky soil. — Ex. 

Give half of the young men of the country 
John A. Logan's moustache, and they care 
nothing for the Senatorship. — Phila. Chro- 
nicle. 

If the characters of all our young men 
stood as high as their shirt collars, the com- 
munity would present a better aspect than it 
does. — Syracuse Times. 

People who are always looking for the mO- 
lenium are just as anxious to get their corn 
in early as though they never intended to 
visit Jerusalem. — Court Journal. 

"What," says an, inqsisitive young lady, 
"is the most popular color for a'bride 7" We 
may be a little particular in such matters, 
but we prefer a white one. — Elmvra Gazette. 

A lad named Waller Young was taken 
from _ an alley in San Francisco, the other 
day, in a beastly state of intoxication. He 
begins to Waller Young. — Keokuk Constitu- 
tion. 



When he commenced: ''Why is a door — " 
She vowed she would not hear nim more; 
"Conundrums are flat. 
Now understand that." 
He smiled and said: "Why, Isadore!" 

— Utica Observer. 

One of the earliest historical mistakes we 
remember of reading, is the Miss-take of 
Moses — from his nautical basket in the bull- 
rushes, by Pharaoh's daughter. — Meriden Re- 
corder. 

"Why, Willie," said his mother at dinner, 
"you can't possibly eat another plate of pud- 
ding, can you ?" ',Oh, yes I can, ma; one 
more plate will just fill the Bill." — New Ha- 
ven Register. 

A correspondent wishes to know if we are 
the author of the "American Encyclopedia?" 
Well, no — no, not exactly the author of it. 
We killed the Iowa canvasser, hower, if that 
is what you mean. — Hawkeye. 

The N. Y. Mail has an article about No. 7 
in the bible. Maybe the Mail doesn't know 
it, but everybody numbers heaven with the 
bible. What we all want is to be No. 1, in 
the bible's heaven. — Whitehall Times. 

What makes the average man crazy is to 
have his wife ujiset his pipe when it contains 
all his tobacco, and it is raining in torrents 
with the nearest store four blocks off — and 
that a boot and shoe store. — N. Y. Graphic. 

The compositor who knew more than the 
writer and ruled out the phrase, "The boy 
is father to the man," as nonsense, changing 
it into "The man is father to the boy," is in 
search of a new situation. — Boston Trans- 
cript, 

"It's strange that you should have grown 
so fickle of late, my dear," said Mrs. Mic to 
her husband, "for in earlier years you were 
as staid as could be — you never came to see 
me but you staid till twelve or' one o'clock. 
Yonkers Gazelle. 

In attempting to civilize the Indian, it 
must not be forgotten that he shows special 
aptitude for the shoe-trade. (Solemn pause.) 
* * Ha! ha! ha! Of course! 
Don't you see ? Shoe trade — shoot raid — ha! 
ha! — Boston Traveller, 

"A New Haven woman recently applied 
for a divorce the day after she was married." 
Some women are very forgetful. If she'd 
only thought of it a day or two before, what 
a deal of trouble, expense, and other things 
might have been saved. — Ex. 

A man named Wilson, in Boston, killed 
his wife recently because she knew more than 
he did. If all the husbands in the country 
were to follow the example, nine women out 
of every ten would die rather than admit the 
absence of the alleged provocation. — Puck. 

Actual occurrence in a Chicago street car" 
Stylish lady holding a lap dog is about ready 
to leave the car. Dog manifests impatience. 
Lady says, in her sweetest tones: "Wait, 
darling, till mamma puts on her glove!" 
Passengers roar with laughter.- — Milwaukee 
Sun. 

"Maria," said Spicer, as he gazed at the 
newly polished range, "reminds me of Hans 
Makart," and when Mrs. S., absorbed in 
making out the market list, incautiously 
asked "why?" he whispered "because she is 
a grate painter," and fled up the kitchen 
stairs. — Boston Bulletin. 

A young man came into Danbury from one 
of the numerous suburbs to learn cabinet 



making. The morning after his arrival he 
was sent up to the roof of the building to 
shovel off the snow. Fifteen minutes later 
he came shooting into the street from the 
roof, carrying the shovel so carelessly as to 
knock a farmer out of a sleigh. Long ere 
the sun sank in the west he had gone back 
to the old farm. — -Danbury News. 



The Dog Which Resumed. 

There was a time when the man who exhi- 
bited a ten dollar gold piece in a Detroit res- 
taurant would command the respect of a 
small State Convention, but resumption has 
killed all that. Yesterday forenoon when a 
traveler for an Eastern crockery -house en- 
tered a Griswold street restaurant with a 
half-eagle on the tip of his right fore finger 
the show didn't cause any one to look around 
a second time. The traveler came in for a 
nip, and he presently offered to "head or 
tail" with any other thirsty customer. Just 
as a man stepped forward the milk-woman 
who supplies the restaurant with four or five 
gallons of milk per day came in, accompa- 
nied by her dog. A whole chapter might be 
written on the lean-sided, ravenous-looking 
old Towser who acknowledged her authority, 
but it is useless to go behind the returns. 
The woman was talking with the man at the 
counter when the traveler gave his gold-piece 
a toss and the other fellow cried out: 
"Heads!" The dog probably thought an 
oyster on the half-shell was being tossed up 
for his benefit, and he took measures accor- 
dingly. When the gold-piece came down to 
a certain point it was "taken in" by the can- 
ine with neatness and dispatch. One spring 
and one gulp did the business, and he looked 
around to see where the others were coming 
from. 

"Heavens and earth! but that brute has 
swallowed my ten dollars !" cried the traveler, 
as soon as he could work his jaws. 

"Kill him! Kill him!" shouted the three 
or four men at the bar. 

"Who talks of killing my dog?" inquired 
the woman, as she turned around. 

"He has swallowed my money — my ten 
dollars!" explained the agent. "It was a 
gold piece, and he gulped it right down! I 
must have it back!" 

"But don't you dare lay your hand on 
Towser!" warned the woman. "If you was 
throwing money arond it wasn't his fault, 
and I won't have him hurt!" 

"I'll buy him— I'll give you a dollar for 
him!" replied the agent. 

"We don't run to cheap dogs out on the 
Pontiac road," said the woman as she shook 
her head. "The price of that dog is $15." 

"But— but— he's got my §10!" 

"I can't help that. H you want to buy 
him you can kill him, but as long as he's my 
dog I'll quote the law to any man who lays a 
hand on him!" 

The traveler offered five— six — seven and 
eight dollars, one bid after another, but the 
woman was firm, and a corrugated stove- 
pipe elbow was nowhere compared to the 
sad wrinkles on the traveler's face as he saw 
the milk wagon rattle away and Towser take 
his place under the axle-tree. — Detroit Free 
Pres». 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



475 




— The new President of the French Re- 
public wears suspenders. 

— The Courier-Journal is authority for the 
statement that Memphis has the pneumonia. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— "The University Question in Ireland," 
says the Associated Press. Everybody seems 
to be visiting Ireland just now. 

— Sixteen magnificent looking widows at- 
tended a quilting party in Alabama the other 
day. A quilting may assuage a widow's grief 
perhaps. 

— An Ohio man who has ploughed the 
same field for thirty years is in 'Washington 
looking for the Berlin mission. He can't 
find it though. 

■ — The Morning Gall recently published an 
article headed "Our Trade with China." 
Does Mr. Eeid really buy those bad cigars 
from the leperous Mongolian ? 

— The San Francisco Post says that the 
Workingmen's ideas of reform will amount 
to "the same old performance with an en 
tirely new set of performers." 

— A morning paper is responsible for the 
statement that Judge Freelon recently ar- 
rived, in an elaborate opinion, at a conclu- 
sion. If he was to arrive at the City Prison 
clad so scantily as that Judge Louderback 
would send him up for six months. 

— In our issue of Jan. 1st, we referred to 
the District Attorney of Sacramento as hav- 
ing been elected by the Workingmen's Party. 
This was an error; the gentleman in question 
was elected by the Republicans. The person 
to whom we intended to refer holds the of- 
fice of City Attorney. 

— At Manhattan, Kansas, on the night of 
the 3d, a young man named "William Peake, 
who was standing inside a church, was shot 
dead by an acting deputy Marshal named 
Bates, who was outside the building. No 
cause is assigned for the deed. This should 
be a warning to all young men. 

— It is announced that Anna Dickenson is 
engaged with Barton & Lawlor to play a 
week at the California Theatre in June, and 
afterwards to deliver twenty lectures in Cali- 
fornia and Nevada. Miss Dickenson will re- 
ceive SIGjOOO and expenses. General Bar- 
ton will personally manage the tour. 



— A Bush street boy got his credulous 
mother to excuse him from going to school 
the other morning on the ground that there 
was a young panther running loose in the 
neighborhood. About an hour afterwards, 
when she saw the youth playing with her 
neighbor Panther's little girl, that woman 
began to appreciate the fact that real genius 
develops early. 



The Work in California. 

The Workingmen's Party are recruiting 
and closing up their ranks. They have a 
headquarters in San Francisco at 807 Market 
street, and, after the famous "cradle of li- 
berty" in Boston, have named it Faneuil 
Hall. They are very wideawake, those work- 
ingmen of California. As soon as the hun- 
dred-dollars Chinese bill passed the House 
of Representatives, the place-hunting "Dem- 
ocrate," as they dare to call themselves, held 
a meeting to glorify the bill and the men who 
voted for it. Well, the workingmen, like 
ourselves, did not prize very highly this hun- 
dred-dollar barrier to keep out three hundred 
millions of pig-tails. So assembled to amend 
the meeting; the police came to the rescue of 
the fractional Democrats, and, it is said, they 
even dared to make arrests. The workers, 
however, organized their meeting outside and 
left the handful of Democratic spoilsmen in- 
side to do the same. — Irish World 

The Irish World has long been known as 
the most unreliable, untruthful journal pub- 
lished in the United States. But as a speci- 
men of double-barreled, copper-fastened, 
shameless mendacity, the above item has 
never been equaled in this universe. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



WESTOMT'S 

Bakery and Restaurant, 

No. 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- dec!4-lm 



B. F. WELLINGTON, 

SEEDSMAN, 

Importer and Dealer in all kinds of 

VECETABLE, ELOWER, FRUIT AND TREE SEEDS, 

PLANTS AND TREES, 
425 Washington St., opp. P. 0., San Francisco. 




BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thomas Maguibe Manager 

Tremendous Success of 
BARLOW, WILSON, PRIMROSE & WEST'S 

MINSTRELS. 

Acknowledged to be the most brilliant and artistic 
combination now before the public, have commenced 
a short season at this Theatre. 

EVERY EVENING and SUNDAY, and SATUR- 
DAY MATINEE at 2 o'clock, 



GOLOMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly on 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

RED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 

412 Sansome Street, • > San Francisco. 



HATS! HATS! 



K. MEUSDORFFER, 

For twenty-seven years on Commercial street, takes 
the pleasure lo inform his friends and the public at 
large, that he will on FEBRUARY' 22d, open a NEW 
STORE at No. 15 Kearny Street, cor. Morton, with 
a new and select stock of 

H^.T§ AISTEK CAPS 

at the lowest prices. 

N. B. — The old store at 635 and 637 Commercial 
street, will be carried on as heretofore. 

K. MEUSDOEFFEE. 



MERCERS 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

No. 17 POWELL ST., opD. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

^Special Attention paid to Country Orders.,^ 




fine "Pointer' 



The' undersigned 
having had twenty 
years' experience, re- 
spectfully announces 
that he is prepared to 
take dogs in training, 
also that he has very 

' pups for sale. 

PEED CTTSHE, 

Mission Eoad, opp. San Miguel. 



WANTED. 

In every City and Town in California, CANVAS- 
SEES for the 

Illustrated Wasp. 

Reliable parties out of employment, will find this 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
"Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



(iia.MJ OPERA HOl.SE. 

Thos. Hagutee Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

INSTANT SUCCESS! 

The Most Powerful Play ever acted, and now creat- 
ing an intense excitement in New York, Philadel- 
phia, Chicago and other Eastern cities, 

EVERY EVENING, including SUNDAY, 

Within an Inch of His Life, 

A play in Sis Acts, by Emil Gaboriau. 

S^The Terrific Fire Scence on a Plan hitherto^!! 
Unattempted in this city. 

SATURDAY February 22d 

(Washington's Birthday) Matinee at 2 o'clock. 



476 



THE rLLTJSTEATED WASP. 




This week the public cannot complain of 
any lack of variety in theatrical amusements. 

At Bald-win's 
A minstrel troupe has held the boards. A min- 
strel troupe combining good music with plenty 
of fun is such a rarity, that the advent of this 
one at Baldwin's fairly takes our breath away. 
Minstrelsy without vulgarity has not been 
seen in San Frencisco for many years. 

At the Grand Opera House 
The Baldwin Company have been presenting 
"Within an Inch of His Life." The play is 
ably, if somewhat sensationally, constructed. 
It is elaborately mounted, and well played. 

At the California 
Miss Eytinge has been wrestling with "Bose 
Michel." The play is unequally constructed 
and, besides, is unsuited to Miss Eytinge's 
supposed dramatic talent. The public does 
not seem to be so appreciative as it might. 



At the Bush Street Theatre 
"Eliza Weatherby's Proliques" have been do- 
ing very well. Though not differing in 
character, the details of the performances 
have been varied enough to give them an air 
of freshness. 



At the Standard 
Mr. Kennedy's nice cushions and beautiful 
paint have been reinforced by Madame 
Bentz's Minstrels. The strength of Madame 
Bentz's Company, is unlike Sampson of old, 
developed in a leggy direction. An absence 
of elaborate costuming on the part of the fe- 
male members of the company lend a 
piquancy to the entertainment which seems 
to be appreciated by the bald-headed portion 
of the community. 

"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Planles to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Ou.es. . 
John E. Owens is considering a proposi- 
tion to go to Australia. 

It is stated that the "Two Orphans" is in 
preparation at the Union Square. 

There is talk of a new drama from the 
French, to follow "The Banker's Daughter." 

The new National Theatre, Philadelphia, 
was sold by the Sheriff last week for $11,000. 

"Princess Toto," a pleasing opera by Gil- 
bart, set to lively music by Frederick Clay, is 
promised soon. 

The Kiralfy Brothers produce the "Black 
Crook" at Niblo's, with new scenery, cos- 
tumes, etc., on the 24th instant. 

The widow and daughter of the late Geo. 
Fox are playing with the Wilkinsons in the 
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" Company. 

Joseph Wheelock is engaged to play Ar- 
thur Allston in "Through the Dark," at the 
Fifth Avenue Theatre, New York. 

Paulding's debut in the "Fool' Eevenge" 
will be assisted by Bose Osborne, Frank 
Mordaunt and Constance Hamblin, A very 
strong cast. 

The New York Criterion Company gives a 
repetition of Stanley McKenna's new play 
"Whims," during next week at Hooley's 
Theatre, Chicago. 

Januschek, at Hooley's Theatre, Chicago, 
has done excellently; but some of her more 
classical roles have been less successful than 
her old repertoire. 

Boucicault and wife closed a highly suc- 
cessful week in New York. The vigor and 
fidelity of Mrs. Boucicault's performance are 
unimpaired by time. 

Miss Albertine, formerly a popular actress, 
who played with .Chanfrau years ago, is now 
blind and nearly destitute. Her dramatic 
friends propose a benefit. 

Master Mitchell Banner, the juvenile vio- 
linist, has composed a solo for the violin. It 
is written in D minor. For a ten-year-old's 
work it is pronounced good. 

The initial number of carefully prepared 
papers on the Drama, in a March magazine, 
gives interesting glimpses of Modjeska's life 
with her husband in California. 

It is said that Barton Hill has engaged 
Ada Gilman for the California for the re- 
mainder of the season. She will appear on 
April 14th as Moya, supporting Boucicault. 

Joaquin Miller's "Mexico," produced at 
the Grand Opera House, New York, on Men- 
day, was the most signal failure of the sea- 
son. It is regarded as almost beneath criti- 
cism. 

Julian Balph, of the World staff, has nearly 
completed a play which will probably soon 
be produced. Its plot is not disclosed, but 
the subject is said to be fresh and contempo- 
raneous. 

Haverley's Mastodon Minstrel Troupe has 
been doing a great business at Cincinnati, 
and will visit San Francisco this spring, or 
early in the summer. It is said to be the 



greatest aggregation of minstrel talent ever 
played together. 

Gerster's debut in Philadelphia created re- 
markable enthusiasm. She was recalled four 
times and loudly cheered. The lady appears 
in New York on the 24th in "Lucia." The 
season covers fifteen representations, and in- 
cludes one or two novelties. 

■ Alice Oates, at Haverley's Theatre, Chi- 
cago, has given around of comic operas, con- 
cluding with "H. M. S. Pinafore." It is 
said that fourteen companies are playing 
"Pinafore," in this country, and critics are 
trying to discover wherein the great charm 
consists. 

Said Max Strakosch to a Philadelphia in- 
terviewer the other day, who asked him "if 
he felt the effects of competition this sea- 
son?" "Well, not much, if any. It encour- 
ages me. I go to Boston presently and then 
I give a concert here (Kellogg, Cary and 
Conly) on the 7th of April, and I close my 
engagement with six weeks at Baldwin's 
Theatre, San Francisco, ending June 1st. 
Miss Kellogg goes to Europe to sing, and 
she will not appear in Philadelphia again in 
opera before she goes. But next season, ah, 
my dear sir, next season, with my grand com- 
pany she returns as she is now, the great 
soprano, Cary, the greatest contralto, and 
Litta, who will be great, and Madame Sin- 
ger. Ah, it will be heavenly!" 



Sunday Sight. 

"We sit in the parlor together, 

And heavily on the air 
Floats the faint, familiar fragrance 

Of the heliotrope in your hair. 

And in the kindly twilight 

I see your dark eyes shine; 
I feel the touch of your garments, 

Of your soft, white hand in mine 

— Somebody. 

As I stoop to kiss your eyelids, 

I catch your bated breath — 
One whiff is all-sufficient, 

And my hopes lie prone in death. 

For my nostrils ne'er deceive me — 

And though I hate to speak, 
No cardamou seed can smother 

The scent of the loaded leek. 

— Erratic Enrique. 



A Genuine French Dinner 

Including a Half-bottle of the Best Claret, 
I will give for 35 CENTS. 

Come One, Gpme All, and be convinced. 
JOE SAM, 645 Merchant St. 



In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



'TERMS,:$S.00, oue half in advance. "Warrant to 
make a' good, player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST- TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

135 POST STREET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



■ WANTED. 

A first-class Cheese and Butter maker. 
Inquire at F. Korbel & Bros., cor. Bryant 
and Fifth Streets. 



THE ILLUSTRATED "WASP. 



477 



Temporary Loans. 

There was a man — ould McGinniss, a citi- 
zen and a taxpayer — kern to me yesterday, 
and be sez, sez he: 

"Gilhooley, phat the divil's the rnanin' o' 
a tirnporary loan ?" 

"Do yez not know that ?" sez I. 

"Divil the one o' me," sez he. 

"Come away over to the Dutchman's," sez 
I, "and it's ineself that will ixiinplify it to 
yez," sez I. 

Wid that me and McGinniss wint over and 
had whuskies apiece. 

"Now, Michael," sez T, "this timporarj' 
loan business is a thing," sez I, "that few 
parsons undherstan'," sez I, "and be the 
same token," sez I, "I wull illustrate it to 
yez be a parable," sez I. 

"Landlord," sez he, "bring in two more 
whusdies," sez he; "and do you go on, Gill- 
hooley, and iximplify yer hypothenuse," sez 
he. 

"Wull," sez I, "shuppose I wudgoto you 
and I wud say, sez I, 'McGinniss, lind me 
tin thousand dollars'." 

"But I wudn't lind it to yez," sez McGin- 
niss. 

"Hould on," sez I, "this is only shuppasi- 
tious case," sez I. 

"All right," sez he. 

"And, "-sez I, "j-ou wuld sa}', 'I'll go yez,' 
and yez wud lind me the tin thousand," sez I. 

"That's the quare wild shupposition," sez 
he. 

"Hould on," sez I. "I sez to you, sez I, 
'I'll give yez me bond as securitee, and I'll 
give yez siven per cint. interest,' sez I, 'on 
that loan," sez I. 

"And phat do I do ?" sez McGinniss. 

"Phy," sez I, "you give me the tin thou- 
sand and ye take 3 - er bond, and in jew time 
yez thry to dhraw yer interest," sez I. 

"I simply thry to draw it do I?" sez he. 

"That's all," sez I: "for do yez mind; be 
the time the interest is jew divil the cint I 
have to pay yez," sez I. 

"That wud be a thryin' time for me," sez 
McGinniss. 

"Thrue," sez I; "bud I compromise wid 
yez," sez I. 

"In phat regard ?" sez he. 

"I issue a tirnporary loan," sez I, "in 
ordher to satisfee you," sez I. 

"I don't onderstan' that," sez he. 

"I'll impound it till yez," seal. "Phin 
yer interest is jew I have divil the cint to pay 
yez; but I sez," sez I, "I'll give yez another 
bond for the interest. Do yez tumble to 
that?" sez I. 

"And am I d — d fool enough to take that 
bond?" sez McGinniss. 

"Yez are," sez I. 

"Yer a liar," sez he, "I transact business 
on a cash basis," sez he. 

"This is only a suppositious case," sez I. 

"Thrue," sez he, "I forgot that, intirely," 
sez he. "Perceed." 

""Wull," sez I, "yez take this bond for the 
interest jew," sez I, "and that's called a tirn- 
porary loan," sez I. 

"Yis, sez he. 

"And thin," sez I, "phin the interest is 



jew again, I am precisely in the same fix and 
have no money to pay it," sez I. 

"And phst the divil do yez do wid yer 
money," sez McGinnis, slammin' his fisht 
down on the table in great anger. 

"Allegorically speakin'," sez I, "I go and 
construct some booleyvards (as we say in the 
Frinch) for the Aist Iuders for to speed their 
horses on," sez I. 

"Oh, it's the quare fool yez are for to in- 
volve yerself that way," sez he; "but bed— d 
to me," sez he, "I have to stand the brunt," 
sez he. 

"Av coorse," sez I "you are shupposed to 
be the bondholder," sez I, "and phin more 
interest is jew, I get out o' payin' it 
quare and aisy be issviu' another tirnporary 
loan," sez I. 

"And do I take it ?" sez McGinniss. 

"Oh, the divil's cure to ye," sez I; "be this 
time I have yez in a hole, and it's afeered yez 
are that I'll repudiate, and yez want to stan' 
in wid me, so yez do," sez I. 

"That's a d — d swindle," sez McGinniss. 

"Yer a liar," sez I. "I mane well," sez I, 
"and don't intind for to swindle yez, bud me 
income is not sufficient for to pay yez," sez 
I, "and it's stavin yez off. I am be manes o' 
tirnporary loans." 

"And how the divil am I iver to get the 
money ?" sez McGinniss. "Av I am need- 
cessitaten for to take tirnporary loans for the 
interest, how in the name o' God will I iver 
get the principal ?" sez he. 

"That's not for me to say," sez I; "bud 
I'm consaited yez wudn't get it in my time," 
sez I, "onless yez wud get it out o' the min 
who dhruv their horses on the booleyvarns," 
sez I. 

McGinniss tuk a wheen o' whiffs at his 
pipe, and he sez, sez he: "Gillhooley, the 
English language is constructed inadequate- 

iy." 

"Phy?" sezl. 

"Bekase," sez he, "they call it a tirnporary 
loan, phin they should call it a parmanent 
loan," sez he. 

And wid that we took drinks apiece and 
McGinniss wint down till the horse market, 
and I wint to get misured for a pairo' pants. 



SPECIAL NOTICES: 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TEN T- 
IIOREY & CO.'S MACCARONI and VER- 
MICELLL Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Eetail. 

janl8-3nios 

Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 



Something New. 
Eecipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 



paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 

Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 43,107 barre.ls of beer, being 
twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Eeport, U. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



Use SIAVEN'S 

Tosemite Cologne! 



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Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

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NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - $4 per Year. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



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BACK NUMBERS 

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WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
fice. We have reserved a number of copies of each 
issue which can be had at 

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A. SCHROEPFER, 

AEOHITECT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Room 38. Elevator in the building. 



478 



THE ILLTJSTKATED WASP. 



R. HOE & GO. 



New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY. 



TATUi & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

Where -mil be found Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT SUPERIORITY of our 

Lithograph 



1 



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Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui *fc Co's generous invitation to witness 
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them. 



"We have a large stock of 

Second Hand Presses ! 

—VERY CHEAP— both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many eases better than when new. 



H'IBEB.MIA. 
Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 



OFFICERS: 

Pbestdknt M. D. SWEENY 

Vice-Pbesidest CD. O'SULLIYNA 

TRUSTEES- 
M. D. Sweeny, CD. O'Snllivan, M. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gus. Touehard, 

R. J. Tobin, Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Tkeasobeb EDWARD MARTIN 

Attobney RICHARD TOBIN 

REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society will not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany hi first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will be delivered to the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
Deposits received from $2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 
july21-tf " 

DIVIDEND NOTICE. 



The Hibernia Savings & Loan 
Society, 

N. E. Cor. Montgomery and Post Sts. 

At a regular meeting of the Board of Directors of 
this Society, held this day, a dividend at the rate of 
seven per cent per annum was declared for the period 
ending with the 31st day of December, 1878, free of 
Federal Tax. and payable from and after this date. 
EDW. MARTIN, Secretary. 

San Francisco, Jan. 6, 1879. 



*£K 4-j-v dJOO P er day at home. Samples worth So free 
<P«J UU <f)£l\J Address Stixsox & Co., Portland, Maine. 



Gaudies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

DL GASff *CO-, 

Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and S5 outfit free. Aa- 
dress H. Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Fine St., near Folk. 



Henry -A-lirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 



/7L/""VT "TJ Any worker can make 812 a day at home. Costly 
\-X^Jj-11J Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



BALDWIN'S 

ARCADE MARKET 

James Lintott, 
914 MARKET STREET 

— AND— 

No. 9 ELLIS STREET. 



0. E. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. E. KELLt 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 cents at piece. 



bi 



T H 12 




BALDWIN," 

THE LEADING HOTEL 

OF SAN FRANCISCO, 
And the most Elegantly appointed Hotel in the 
"World. Over S3, 500,000 having been expended 
by Mr. Baldwin in its Construction and Furnish- 
ing. 

The only Hotel haying Sunlight in every Room 

Special Accommodations for Families and Large 
Parties. Prices the same as at other first-class 
Hotels, $3 and $5 per day. Special contracts 
will be made. The Hotel Coaches and Carriages 
in waiting at all Boats and Railway Depots. 

Rooms can be reserved before arriving, by 
telegraphing to 

THE BALDWIN, 
A. MACABEE, Business Manager. 




FISHERMAN 

TOBACCO AND CIGARETTES! 



They are the BEST ! Always SMOKE MOIST 
and COOL ! 




TELE nj.USTRATED WASP. 



479 



San Francisco and >ortli Pacific It. R. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1878, 
and until further notice, Trains and Boats 
will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, Washington Street Wharf.) 



3nn P, M. DAILY. [Sundays Included] Steamer 
•vv Dm ml Ma-." (Washington Street Wharf), conn 



Steamer "James M. 
nnectmg with 
Mail uiul Express train at Donahue, for Petatiima, Santa Rosa, 
Hooldaburg, Cloverdole and way stations, Making Stage con- 
nections ■>! Lakevills i--r Sonoma; at GoyserviHe for Skogg's 
Springs; at Cloverdale tor Llciah, [jakoport, Mendocino City, 
and the Geysers, 

•■ j imections made at Pulton on following morning (or Kor- 
bel's, GueruevUleand the Redwoods. Sundaj-g excepted. 

[Arrive ;it San Francisco at 10.30 A. M.| 



tSLFroight received from 7 A- M. t.> 2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 

a. in <;m:s. a. a. reak, p. e. Dougherty, 

Gen. Manager. Sup't. Gen. P. & T. Ag't. 



U« BXCKS <3fc CO,, 

BOOK BINDERS 

— AND 

Blank Book Manufacturers, 



jan5-tf 



543 Clay Street 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



Corns, Bunions, Ingrowing 




Nails, Freckles, Warts, Moles, effectually cured by 
the celebrated Chiropodists, 

FEISTEL & GERARD, from Paris, 

838 Market Street, opp. Fourth. Parlors 2 and 3, up 
stairs. 

IB. S. BURNS, 

Agent for 



Office in E. E. Haswell's Book Store, 

Fourth Street, between J and H, 

SACRAMENTO, CAL. 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., "Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



NOTICE. 



The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



YOUTHS' DIRECTORY, 

1417 Howard Street, 

(Maintained by the Citizens of San Francisca.) 

FREE 

Mams gaJ Is£§IMgeMG@ Bmp@mu 

For Friendless Boys seeking Work. GOOD LADS 
FOE ANY SERVICE, furnished without charges to 
Employers or Employees. Office Hours' 9 A. M. to 
1 P. M. A. P. DIETZ, Superintendent. 






M^k^SCT^ 








") 




4-30 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




THE SAVAGE HERPES OF THE CENTURY 







AN OLD STOREY RENEWED > 




pOB LIS HE;o %% 

EVERY SATUROAY 



•OFFICE 



■—N.W.COR OFKEAHNY ST^- 



SanRrancisco, March \ %r 1879 



— > RECORDED AT SACRAMENTO CAL-s; 

BY THE PUBLISHERS OF THE WASP. 




482 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 

— AT — 

602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 

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CITY SUBSCRIBERS 
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Single copies, ten cents. 



BY HAIL 
To all parts of the United States, Canada and British 
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(INVAKIABLY IN ADVANCE) 

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Notice to Country News Dealers. — The San 
Francisco News Company will snpply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for snpplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmasters. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, MARCH 1, 1879. 

" 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the xoeak, the strong oppressing." 

Kitaley in good actions is esteemed by 
pious people as a highly commendable thing. 
Indeed, if we are not mistaken, it has Divine 
approval. A few years ago, the DeToungs 
obtained a new press and young Air. Picker- 
ing turned green with envy — through hair 
dye and all. Beyond inquiring in a dubious 
sort of way where the money which paid for 
it came from he said nothing, however. He 
bided his time until he went East to the Cen- 
tennial Exhibition; then he had built for him 
a double-action, back-action, side-action, re- 
volving, rotary, copper-fastened press such 
as had never been seen before and never will 
again. The DeYoungs took the matter quiet- 
ly; never asked who was going to pay for it, 
or whether history was not going to repeat 
itself — in the matter of Pickeronian pay- 
ments. But Charley quietly slid off to the 
Paris Exposition from whence he now comes 
back and announces that they are going to 
have two extraordinary presses, and a bran 
new five-story building, put up for them. 
To get even with them Pickering should get 
some one to put a six-story head upon him- 
self. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

THE MAS WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING. 

This is a species of genius which, like the 
perennial rose, is always blossoming but 
never brings forth fruit. "The Man who 
knows Everything" is found in every grade 
of society, at every occupation, and of every 
age; and, under any and all circumstances, 
the strange peculiarity about him is that, his 
fund of knowledge to the contrary notwith- 
standing, he is never a success. This is an en- 
igma which requires explanation. In a world 
in which knowledge forms one of the principal 
factors in producing success in life, one 
would naturally think that an individual who 
is himself an animated encyclopaedia should 
get along better than common mortals; but 
he does not. Therein lies a dark mystery. 

Some superficial observers might account 
for the anomaly by saying that the knowl- 
edge of "The Man who knows Everything" 
is confined to a very complete acquaintance 
with the science of tongue-wagging. But 
the science of tongue-wagging is, when ap- 
plied to several industries — such as politics, 
reforming the universe and the people there- 
of, etc. — a very useful one; and a very com- 
plete knowledge of it should lead to certain 
success. And close observation will convince 
any person that "The Man who knows Every- 
thing" does not go into polities. In fact he 
holds politics in supreme contempt and 
leaves them to the common, dishonest, thiev- 
ing, knaves who infest the world. Indeed, 
it is only quite lately that he has gone into 
the business of reforming the universe and 
the people thereof. And furthermore in that 
business he does not seem to be a complete 
success; not even a partial success. He has 
tried his level best and he has not succeeded 
in reforming anybody or anything; not even 
himself. 

There is perhaps nothing which delights 
"The Man who knows Everything" more 
than to manage a newspaper. That is to 
stand back and, while letting others do the 
work, offer sagacious advice. The men 
whom he may be advising may have made a 
study of the business for years while he, per- 
haps, could not give an intelligent definition 
of the difference between a country "patent 
outside" and a metropolitan weekly of some 
particular class. Still he knows more than 
they do about how a paper should be run. 
It is not his fanlt, however, that he posesses 
this knowledge; it was born in him and, of 
course, he can no more restrain its flow than 
he could stem the mighty current of the Mis- 
sissippi with a tooth pick. 

Performing the duties of important gov- 
ernment officials is also a favorite employ- 
ment — perhaps pastime would be the better 
word — of "The Man who knows Everything." 
That is, he doen not exactly perform them but 
he explains in a clear and concise manner 
how they should be performed. A diplomatic 
nut which is sufficiently tough to test the 
strength of Secretary Evart's diplomatic teeth 
would be but child's play to him. To revise 
a treaty involving a consideration of the most 
difficult questions of public policy would 



hardly give him an appetite for breakfast — 
any ordinary mutton-head would require 
months to study the matter over. 

There is one place, however, where the 
universal genius of "The Man who knows 
Everything" breaks down — and that is in the 
discharge of his own duties and in the con- 
ducting of his own business. Nature has 
been kind and bounteous enough to endow 
him with the ability to do everything else 
except "that which his hand findeth to do." 



THE POWER OF PRATER. 

The exact limits of the power and efficacy 
of supplication or prayer to that Great Un- 
known Power which controls, or is supposed 
to control the destinies of the human race, 
has been, and is, a matter of disputation 
amongst men. Sceptics have challenged 
proof of anything actually accomplished 
through the aid of prayer, however earnestly 
offered and honestly believed in. In this 
city and State, about a year ago, we observed 
that the spiritual leaders of the various 
denominations asked their respective dieties 
to send us rain — and the result was a deluge. 
But then the convincing effect of that mani- 
festation was somewhat impaired by the fact 
that the atmospheric conditions under which 
the prayers were said were such as to insure 
a certainty of success; and the further fact 
that the year before, in the face of an im- 
pending drought, when the atmospheric con- 
ditions were of an unfavorable description no 
attempt was made to interfere with nature. 

Then, of course, there is the case of that 
bad, wicked man, John Harrington, better 
known, perhaps, as "Happy Jack, "for whose 
reclamation and salvation prayers, enough to 
save a whole State full of ordinary people, 
were made. Here again we have an unsatis- 
factory and mixed up result. It is true that 
"Colonel" Harrington and his wife, the 
beautiful and accomplished "Eliza," were 
both converted — for a time. But it is equal- 
ly true that, when it became obvious that 
there was no money in it, they fell from grace. 
In the face of that fall heterodox unbelievers 
have asserted that the prayers made in behalf 
of these people were thrown away, wasted in 
fact; that the gods were asleep or didn't care 
a continental; and that "Happy" and his 
wife in pretending to have been touched with 
a softened heart were only playing possum. 

Just at the present time, however, there 
arises a clear and well defined case about 
which there will be no doubt. A case which, 
when its ultimate result becomes known, 
should assist largely in settling men's minds 
on this disputed point. The President of 
these United States has just had submitted 
to him for signature a bill relating to Chi- 
nese immigration. Upon more than one oc- 
casion he has expressed himself as being fav- 
orable towards the object sought to be at- 
tained by this bill — the exclusion of the 
Chinese. But now that the end is about to 
be obtained — is obtained, in fact, unless he 
frustrates it — a new element takes a hand in 
the discussion. The sanctimonious peo- 
ple of the Eastern States emerge from 
the shadow of the sanctuary, and beseech 
the President not to allosv any obstacle to be 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



483 



placed in the way of the Chinese Empire 
coming here en masse — for the purpose of 
getting religion; not to wash dirty linen, of 
course. And, as these people never make a 
more to accomplish any object without first 
praying for the assistance of their all-powerful 
deities, a clear test is established. If the 
bill is signed, it is quite evident that prayer 
is an unimportant factor in settling the af- 
fairs of this mundane sphere. If, on the 
other hand, it is vetoed, the fact that prayer 
— assisted, of course, by pious wives — is a 
power in the land will be triumphantly es- 
tablished. 



[See Double-page Illustration."] 
WORDS OF LEGAL WISDOM. 

The greatest surprise the people of this 
city have been called upon to endure for 
some time, was the appointment of Mr. 
"Counsellor" Clark to the proud position of 
legal instructor to our police officers. Not 
that any one doubts the ability of the "Coun- 
sellor" to ably discharge the duties of such 
an office; on the contrary, he is known to all 
people having any claim to average intelli- 
gence, to be a repository — a sinking fund, so 
to speak — of all the legal lore which succes- 
sive generations of forensic alchemy have 
produced — from Justinian downwards. The 
surprise was occasioned by the implied ad- 
mission that it was thought necessary for a 
policeman to have any, even the most rudi- 
mentary knowledge of law. Heretofore, the 
popular superstition has been to the effect, 
that a policeman was above all law; that he 
was, in fact, a law unto himself — chapter, 
section, and clause to be interpreted accord- 
ing to his own sweet opinion. That supersti- 
tion, however, will no longer hold water, 
and before long, it may confidently be ex- 
pected that some audacious person will dis- 
pute an "officer's" right to lock him up for 
eight or nine days, and then tell him to 
"git." As "Hallelujah" observed, "the times 
are out of joint." 

In the very able course of lectures which 
the learned "Counsellor" has already deliv- 
ered, there is one point which he has, 
strangely enough, omitted to notice; and as 
as it is a fundamental one, we fear he has 
overlooked it, and so take the very great lib- 
erty of calling his attention to it. "We pre- 
sent it to him in the shape of a query: Is it 
not the duty of an officer to play the "dead- 
head game" upon all the saloonkeepers with- 
in the radius of his beat ? We ask this ques- 
tion out of a paternal regard for the members 
of the force. The "Counsellor" having 
omitted to state in his first lecture that it was 
the duty of a good, careful, and conscien- 
tious officer to do so, many very excellent 
policemen have since been restraining them- 
selves, when on duty, to one drink every 
hour — and even paid for one out of every six 
of those — and have in consequence suffered 
very much from thirst. Some few very con- 
scientious ones have also suffered greatly 
from mental anxiety in view of the fact in 
not levying their half-hourly drink, they 
may not be properly discharging all the ob- 
ligations of their high trust. It is to be 



hoped that the learned "Counsellor" will, at 
an early day, revolve this matter over in the 
innermost recesses of his legally well filled 
mind, and instruct our policemen as to their 
duty in the premises. 

There are a great many other questions to 
which we might feel disposed to call atten- 
tion, if we were not fully confident that the 
"Counsellor" will in due time discuss them. 
The point to which we have directed atten- 
tion, is one of such primary importance to 
every officer on the force, that we feel com- 
pelled to call it to his immediate attention. 



SAXD-LOT LOGIC. 



Ex-Judge J. E. Sharpstein is a genius of 
no ordinary calibre. He shines conspicuous- 
ly as a philosopher and logician, and as such 
his ideas have a freshness and originality 
that is entertaining. As a prophet, how- 
ever, we don't believe that he is a success. 
The learned ex-Judge is of opinion that mus- 
cular labor is harder than brain work, and, 
as a consequence, that the former should be 
better paid than the latter, Exactly how he 
arrived at this opinion is somewhat difficult 
to understand as those who are acquainted 
with his ex-Honor are somewhat unanimous 
in the belief that he, himself, has no brain 
wherewith to work and could not, therefore, 
have tested the question in a practical man- 
ner. About the correctness of the ex- 
Judge's views, however, there can be no 
manner of doubt. Every one knows that it 
is a comparatively easy matter to obtain a 
man capable of healing disease, or design- 
ing a building, or commanding an army; 
while on the other hand it is a comparatively 
a hard matter to obtain a man capable of 
grooming a doctor's horse, or laying a course 
of bricks, or firing a musket. The perform- 
ing of the latter class of labor is not only 
more exhaustive to the system but it also re- 
quires years of patient industrious studj to 
acquire a knowledge of it. It follows, 
therefore, that it should be remunerated 
at a higher rate than that labor which 
is less exacting and more easily ob- 
tained. Besides, the law of supply and 
demand, we all know, must exercise more 
or less influence upon the labor market. 
Now, if it be admitted that it is a very diffi- 
cult matter to obtain a person qualified to 
carry a hod or shovel sand, while on the 
other hand a person capable of discharg- 
ing the duties of a Bank Presidency or a 
Supreme Court Judgeship can be picked up 
on every corner, it is at once apparent 
that the former class of labor should in all 
justice be better paid than the latter. That 
this has not been so in the past is owing to a 
deep-seated conspiracy — a conspiracy con- 
cocted in the Garden of Eden — having for 
its object the oppression of the honest la- 
borer who gains his living by the sweat of 
his brow. Judge Sharpenstein is a man 
after our own heart; we love him; we will 
teach our grandmother to love him; yea, and 
verily, we would kiss him — if his breath 
didn't smell of onions. 

There is but one point upon which we differ 
from the ex-Judge. At a recent meeting he ex- 



pressed the belief that a revolution in this 
matter was coming. The ex-Judge is not a 
prophet, as we said before. That revolution 
has come. Last week we changed places, in 
the matter of salary, with the boy who sweeps 
out the office. The world will soon follow 
our lead. 



[ See Illustration on First Page. ] 
A LAW PRESERVER AS A LAW BREAKER. 

San Francisco has recently had presented 
to her astonished gaze an extraordinary spec- 
tacle. She has been called upon to view one 
of her chosen law preservers in the role of a 
law breaker. This is an unique occurrence. 

If the heathen Chinee tries to get the in- 
side track ef the Government in the matter 
of unstamped cigars, he is a scoundrel and a 
thief, too vile to associate with our Cauca- 
sian manhood. If a small boy tries to make 
a little money to supply himself with ciga- 
rettes by selling unstamped matches, he is a 
villain, whose presence in the community is 
liable to undermine its morality. But when 
a prominent and responsible officer of our 
Municipal Government tries to cheat the 
Federal Government in the matter of un- 
stamped beer, he is — well he is very unfortu- 
nate to be detected. And if he was not de- 
tected, he would be a thundering clever fel- 
low. 

There may be in this community those who 
will aver that unstamped beer tastes better 
than that which has contributed towards the 
support of Uncle Sam. Such an allegation 
has not yet been made, but it may be; when 
it is made, it will be time enough for us to 
subject the matter to a personal or crucial 
test and pass opinion thereon. But in the 
meantime and for the sake of argument, ad- 
mitting that such an allegation were true, is 
that a good and sufficient reason to justify 
the Sheriff of the City and County of San 
Francisco in defrauding the Federal Govern- 
ment out of its revenues ? Assuming that a 
vitiated public taste calls for beer drawn 
from a keg the outside of which is uncontam- 
inated by the touch of a defaced revenue 
stamp, is it not the duty of a law officer 
holding such a responsible position as that 
of Sheriff to combat rather than pander to 
it? "We pause, like a sagacious donkey, for 
a reply. 



As A high-handed outrage, the recent action 
of the Legislature of the Territory of Ari- 
zona in divorcing Dr. W. F. Smith, of this 
city, from his wife has never been equaled in 
the United States. And the action of Gov- 
ernor Fremont in signing it is incomprehensi- 
ble upon any other supposition than that the 
doctor's purse bled freely. The Governor 
is no fool ; he must have known full well 
that the case which the liberal divorce laws 
of California would not relieve must be ut- 
terly without foundation. 



We have to thank Mr. John A. Russell, 
Clerk to the Board of Supervisors, for a copy 
of the last "Municipal Reports." 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 



484 



THE ILLIJSTEATED WASP. 



THE SONG OF HIAWATHA. 

Latest Version. 



IN TWO FABTS-FABT I. 




1. 

Should you ask me whence this story, 
Whence these ahorig'nal pictures, 
I should answer, I should tell you, 
That our Pilgrim Fathers found them- 
Fonnd the Injuns up at Plymouth. 



And they 'smoked the peace-pipe with thern- 
Smoked the Kalmut, the peace-pipe, 
Smoked Killikinick, the hacca 
Got by grinding willow bark up, 
And they swore to love each other. 







So they loved each other muchly, 
Loved each other beaucoup-beaucoup! 
Loved each other's goods and chatties, 
Badly mixed the meum-tuum — 
Then the Pale Face went for Bed Man. 



Son of forest, all untutored, 
Learned to like the drink, the Rijoos, 
And he stole it from the sutler; 
Sutler went and flogged the Injun; 
Injun then burned his shebang up. 






THE ILLIISTBATED WASP. 



485 




Dm anybody ever see land 'scape'? 

A man who shoots game is not necessarily 
brave man. 

Wackeen Miller has given over stealing 
poetry, and desires to become a statesman. 

So Red-Headed 'Hike was superseded by a 
better looking and more aristocratic trainer? 

Success a.s a rule follows effort. — Wheat- 
land Recorder, But never catches up to it ? 

Eosewood though strong and hard becomes 
more solid with age. — Ex. Is that so Rose ? 

Captain Boyton must be a Republican. 
Slippery grease always floats on top of the 
water. 

The Boston Iranscripl wants mules put on 
castors. Come to think of it, Pixley does 
wear a castor — hat. 

A man Misses his sweetheart until he mar- 
ries her; then he ma-dames — no not exactly 
that, but he damnes her all the same. 

Many people find the greatest pleasure in 
helping others to succeed; but no one ever 
thinks of helping a fly to succeed in crawling 
up his nose. 

It is charged that the Rev. Mr. Hepworth 
is given to gymnastics. — Ex. This is better 
than being given to the police, or to an or- 
phan asylum. 

A hohse-shoe is reckoned to be a lucky 
wedding present — except when it is presen- 
ted to the groom with an annimated mule's 
leg attachment. 

Ak acre of bananas will produce as much 
food as twenty-flve acres of wheat. But half 
an acre of cucumbers will produce more 
stomach ache than the whole lot. 

Has it ever occurred to any one that if the 
earth were to blow up about this time the 
destruction of spring millinery would be 
enormous. 

Somebody wrote a poem about "The Meet- 
ing of the "Waters." Wonder if he was think- 
ing of the fusion of the milkman's compound 
and the boarding-house keeper's tea. 

"Pay attention to your studies, John," 
said a teacher the other day. But the boy 
promptly replied: "It's a fundamental prin- 
ciple in our family to pay nobody, m'm." 

Like nature in spring-time, everybody 
should once in a while have a freshet that 
will go tearing through him. — Beecher. Has 
the old man bought an interest in a jalap 
factory ? 



Mythical history is responsible for the 
statement that Acheron was changed by Ju- 
piter into a river of hell. This is a frightful 
fact from a Sharon, TJ. S. Senator, to con- 
template. 

So many people are shot, where doctors are 
unable to find the ball, it is suggested that a 
thread be attached to the bullets etc. — Peck's 
Sun. Why not suggest that they be shot 
somewhere else. 

The stars, it is said, are located in the 
heavens; but a theatrical star who has played 
a succession of unsuccessful engagements 
does not appreciate the fact that he has been 
travelling through Heaven. 

The casket containing the body of Daniel 
Webster was recently opened and his face 
was perfectly recognizable. — N. Y. World. 
This fact will prove a consoling reflection to 
many a correct speller when he nears "the 
dark and silent land." 

The marriage of his Imperial Highness 
Kitashirakawa-no-Mya, of Japan, and the 
eldest daughter of the late Daimio of Tosa, 
was recently solemnized with much cere- 
mony. The Prince is thirty years of age and 
has never had the tooth-ache. 

Ihe Medicochirurgical Central Blatl, of Vi- 
enna, says the plague was first brought into 
Russia in a Bhawl. In this country, many a 
a man has first brought his r wife into his 
house in a shawl and afterwards sworn that 
Bhe was worse than the plague. 

The man who having overslept himself 
finds, when he comes to wash, that there is 
no water in his pitcher will do well to recol- 
lect that Jupiter is the morning star at this 
season. It will Bave the wall from listening 
to a great deal of profanity and himself from 
having a heavy reckoning to settle in the 
hereafter. 

Why wouldn't it be a good idea to present 
General Grant the freedom of one or two 
American cities? — Hnwkeye. Why, haven't 
you heard ? It is proposed to present him 
with the freedom of the White House. — ■ 
Norr. Herald. His favorites made pretty free 
with the funds of the City of Washington a 
few years ago, if that's what you mean. 




QZZrMtQVSLZY Mmi®W<r^L 



Grace Maguire's Choice. — This is one of 
those beautiful touching novels, the perusal 
of which reconciles us to the monotony of 
life and restrains our suicidal hand when 
the collar-button bursts off the only clean 
shirt we possess. The tale is of a domestic 
nature, and is full of striking and pathetic 
scenes. In the first chapter we have the 
following: 

"Grace stood thoughtfully toying with her 
apron strings, while big John Mowbray 
made his proposal to her. John had the 
reputation of being the shrewdest farmer in 
the neighborhood. But, heretofore, he had 
always dealt with men ; in making this pro- 
posal to a woman, it was quite evident that 
he was at a disadvantage. However, he 
blundered along, slipping in his words here 
and there, while she listened thoughtfully, 
even anxiously, one would think, to judge 
from the expression of her features. At 
last, when John was through, she raised 
her eyes which had been modestly resting 
upon his ample feet, and looked in a thought- 
ful manner away across the landscape, at a 
man who was training a woodbine up a wat- 
erspout. Still she spoke never a word. For 
a moment only her eyes rested upon that 
industrious figure, then they commenced to 
wander from object to object, but always in 
a homeward direction, when suddenly she 
seized a broomhandle and exclaimed as she 
sprang forward, 'drat it all, there's that old 
brindle cow of Squire Ramsey's breaking into 
my corn patch.'" 

The conversation thus interrupted is re- 
newed between the parties three weeks later. 
She is swinging on her gate, he standing in 
the road, and the silver-tipped moon looking 
down complacently — to see fair play, so to 
speak. He presses anxiously for the answer 
and at last she says: "Wall, John, I kinder 
guess I'll keep that there litter of pigs till 
the Pall. Peed ain't very scarce, and Jim 
Blaine thinks mebbe there'll be a war break 
out amongst the Rooshians or somewhere, 
and pork'll go up." 



How Peter Resisted Temptation. 

A colored brother whose eyes were watery 
and who had evidently been imbibing experi- 
ence whisky, was telling his young friend 
George that he ought to gine, too. Said 
George, "I would, but de temptation to do 
wrong is too strong for me." "Whar's yer 
backbone, dat ye can't rose up and stand 
temptation!" exclaimed brother Peter. "I 
was dat way myself, once. Right in dis yere 
town I had a chance to steal a pa'r of boots — 
mighty fine ones, too. No one was dar to see 
me, and I reached out my hand and de debil 
said take 'em. Den a good spirit whispered 
for me to let dem boots alone." "An' you 
didn't take 'em ?" "No, sah — not much. I 
took a pa'r o' cheap shoes off de shelf, an' I 
left dem boots alone 1" 



Philomene's Marriages. — This is an extra- 
ordinary book; we can't conceive why it was 
written. Like Mr. Pixley's romances, it has 
no purpose, and it is certainly devoid of wit. 
The only difference we can see between Phil- 
omene's marriages and those of other per- 
sons, lies in the fact that they possess a nu- 
merical superiority over those of the average 
run of people. Twelve was the extent of 
her matrimonial investments. First she 
married a baker, who died and left her the 
business; then, to stop her dunning him for 
a bill he owed her, the grocer married her. 
In due time the grocer died, and to avoid 
payment of his bill, the rector married her; 
ne died, leaving her a large claim against 
the neighboring baronet. To settle that, he 
married her, and so she kept on marrying and 
marrying, each time ascending the social 
scale until she became a Duchess; when she 
died herself, and was carried to heaven — or 
at least as far on the road thereto as mortal 
beings could accompany her — in a silver- 
mounted coffin. 



486 



THE ILLUSTRATED "WASP. 



More Bitter than Death. 



CHAPTEK V.— Continued. 



64 



T 



^ELL me, my darling," he said. "I 
would do anything in this world for you!" 
"Philip, give me back my little child!" 
She dropped upon her knees before him; she 
caught bis band in hers. 

"Philip, give me back my little child — all the 
treasures on earth are nothing to me without my 
boy! Oh, Philip, my love, my darling, give him 
back to me!" 

But the words died on her lips when she saw the 
change in his face. The Lauraine jealousy flashed 
in his eyes and made him terrible to see. 

He put her irom him — he stepped back and stood 
at some distance, looking rt her kneeling with hands 
clasped, her golden head bent, her sweet face white 
♦with anguish and dread. 

"Does not my love content you?" he cried. "Are 
you praying, craving, longing, even when you have 
my whole heart, for another love? Ob, Gladys, 
you have forgotten our contract — you were to give up 
all the world for me! "Why do you try to evade your 
promise? I am more grieved than I can tell you — 
more than words can tell. I thought it was under- 
stood between us that the child was never to be 
mentioned again?" 

The stony calmness of despair was creeping over 
her face; all jthe blush of her passionate appealjaad 
left it, The looked up at him. 

"Philip," she said, "I never thought you meant 
it, I thought that you did it to try me, and that, 
when we had been married some time, you would 
give me back my boy." 

"You could not have believed any such thing, 
Gladys!" he cried. "That would have been trifling 
indeed — and I never trifle. I asked you to give up 
your son for two reasons — first — as I told you — be- 
cause I would have no rival in your love, no one to 
share your heart and thoughts with me; secondly, 
because, in marrying you, I took you from a very 
humble past, and I would have no link binding you 
to it — neither husband, child, nor friend. You have 
left it all — it lies far behind you." 

Her fair bead dropped lower and lower, the calm 
despair on her face deepened. 

"Philip," she said, "I swear to you that I did not 
believe you meant it! * At first I did — then I said to 
myself that it would be too monstrous to believe; 
that you would never in sober reality ask me to for- 
sake my child entirely. A mother who forsakes her 
child is inhuman and unnatural." 

"It is too late, Gladys," he said. "You chose 
your fate, and you must have known that it was 
true. If a thunderbolt bad fallen at my feet, I could 
not have been more surprised than at your making 
this request. You could not possibly have misunder- 
stood. " 

"It is you," she rejoined, "who do not under- 
stand. Heaven knits the heart of mother and child 
so firmly together that those who wound one 
wound both. Did you really believe that I could 
tear my child from my heart and forget him?" 

"You are talking nonsense Gladys," he exclaimed; 
"all this was argued out before we were married." 

She raised her white face to his. 

"Philip," she said, "listen. On the day when we 
came home, just as the carriage stopped at the door, 
there was the sound of a child's cry; it came from 
the crowd, but my heart almost stopped beating. I 
thought that it was my Leo, and that you had 
brought him hither as a pleasant surprise for me. I 
believed it for fully five minutes, Philip, until I saw 
it was a woman leading her little child away." 

"Poor Gladys," he said gently — the pain on her 
face touched him. "I am sorry you were disappoint- 
ed, my darling. I did not know that you had busied 
yourself with these false hopes, or I would have 
spoken to you before. However, understand now, 
Gladys, that for two reasons I have mentioned this 
subject, henceforth it is a dead letter between us. It 
is never to be mentioned again." 

Looking into the firm proud face, she knew that 
he meant what he said. 

"Philip, will you at least do one thing? "Will you 
tell me who has my child?" 

"It would be useless, Ghxfys. If there has really 
been a mistake, I am sorry for it; but it is too late 
now — and I must forbid you to mention the matter 
to me again." 

With a wild cry she threw up her arms. 

"Oh, Philip, listen for one moment! It is my life 
that lies in your hands! Let me see or hear of my 
boy, and I will be good, obedient, docile, happy — I 
will worship you. Keep him from me, and I shall 
grow proud, defiant, cold and unloving." 

"Nonsense, Gladys," he said; "you have a mad fit 
on you to-night which I am at a loss to understand. 
You will have recovered yonr senses by to morrow. 
When you -are sane again I will seek you." 

He went away and left her there in her misery, 



crouching on the ground, with a despairing face and 
hands tightly clenched. 

"I never thought he meant it! "Gracious Heaven, 
I never thought he meant it! If I had, I would not 
have sold my child — I would -have died first! Oh, 
Philip, why not let me have my boy and be happy?" 

Prom that day Lady Lauraine was an altered wo- 
man. Her husband would have done better, even 
with all his jealousy, had he given her back her 
child. 

CHAPTER VI. 

Lord Lauraine never reminded Gladys of the un- 
pleasant scene that nad taken place between them. 
In his own miud he excused it. He knew that she 
had loved her child very dearly, and he thought it 
was only part of her womanly nature that she should 
relent at times with bitter passionate cries and tears. 
There came to him a vague wonder if it were pos- 
sible for man to sever the bond Heaven had created 
between mother and child. He had tried — he might 
succeed; but there came to him a vague doubt. Gla- 
dys might never see her boy, never hear him: but 
would she forget him, or would her love from en- 
forced silence grow deeper and stronger? 

It was strange, but the more he found his wife 
cling to her boy, the more he respected her. The 
chances were that, if she had been totally silent 
about him, he might have thought her heartless, even 
though that silence was kept from love of him. But 
the more she recalled him, the more passionate be- 
came her desire to see him, and the fiercer grew her 
husband's jealousy. 

"With a smile and a kiss Lord Laureine met his 
wife at breakfast next morning. The difficulty was 
removed; she had said what she had wanted to say; 
he had expressed his resolve — and there was an end 
of it. He kissed the fair face without noticing that 
something had gone, from it which was never seen 
there again. 

From that time a subtle change came over the 
Countess. She had been all tenderness, all sweet- 
ness, all gentleness, with a soft caressing manner. 
There came to her now a pride that was new to her, 
an outward coldness of manner that concealed the 
bitterness within. She talked less, laughed less; she 
spent more time alone. She was less lavish of kind 
or gentle words. She tried persistently to harden 
herself, to remove the sensitive gentleness from her 
heart, to grow cold, proud, and stem; but she never 
quite succeeded. 

Passionately as her husband loved her, 'he did not 
notice the change; it was slight, but it was gradual 
Oilier eyes saw it — the eyes of of the man who hated 
her, and who had decided to do her harm if he could. 
He felt, with a thrill of delight, that some secret sor- 
row preyed upon her, and hoped in his heart that it 
was an old love which she had given up to please the 
Earl. 

"My opportunity will come some day," he said to 
himself; "I have a sure foreboding of it. I shall 
have her in my power yet, and I will use that power 
mercilessly." 

Her beauty, her youth, her grace, never softened 
him; he watched and waited, feeling sure of his suc- 
cess. 

At length it did occur to Lord Lauraine that his 
young wife was growing quiet and depressed. It was 
natural, he said; she had got over the great change 
in her life, the novelty of her position; the reaction 
was come. She must have change of scene. He was 
delighted that the London season was beginning; he 
would take his young Countess up to town, and 
there here her triumph would win her from all 
thoughts of the past of hers which he viewed with 
such real, jealous hatred. 

"Gladys," he said to her one morning, "I have a 
wonderful pleasure in store for you." 

For a moment she thought it must be something 
about little Leo — what else could be a wonderful 
pleasure to her? and she turned to him, her face ra- 
diant with a light that was never seen there again. 

He guessed what her thoughts were and hastened 
to correct them. 

"You shall go up to London for the season, darl- 
ing," he said. "You shall^be presented to every one 
of note in London; you shall know what the words 
•pleasure' and 'gaiety' really mean." 

No light came to her face, no brightness to her 
eyes; pleasure had but one meaning for her, as hap- 
piness and love had — it was possession of her boy. 
He admired the calmness with which she heard what 
would have been a bewildering announcement to 
some. He tried to describe to her a little of what 
she would see and hear — some of the brilliant scenes 
through which she must pass, and in which she 
must have some share. 

"Are you pleased Gladys?" he asked. 

"Pleased?" she repeated vaguely. "Yes, I am 
pleased if you are, Philip." 

"Then, Glady, my sweet, look as you used to look 
— bright, happy; our present life does not seem to 
suit you." 

"It suits me very well," she said wearily. 

Was he so blind as not to see that all lives were 
alike in which her child had no share or part? He 
lavished his wealth upon her, he loved her with an 



entire, unwearying love — but he would not give her 
her son. 

He kept his word; they went to London. Lord 
Lauraine had a mansion in Belgravia — one of the 
finest in London — and he had fitted it up superbly 
for his beautiful wife. 

Gladys, Countess Lauraine, created a perfect fu- 
rore by her beauty and grace. She was the belle of 
the season, the queen of fashion; men raved about 
her — they called her "La Belle Lauraine." She re- 
ceived more homage, praise, and flattery in one day, 
than fall to the lot of most women in a lifetime; and 
for a time she was amused. It amused her very much 
to hear men rave about her beauty, to see them so 
eager to speak to her, to be near her. 

But, whilst listning to flattering speeches, her 
thoughts were with Leo at Calderwood, There was 
a far off look in her eyes, a dreaminess in her face, 
that made her doubly beautiful. 

"If one could but rouse some kind of interest in 
her!" But the speakers could not. 

She was followed by flattery, homage, and adula- 
tion enough to have made any woman vain; but the 
calmness of her face never stirred. The only thing 
that had power to move her was the cry of a child. 

The Earl was rejoiced at the success of his lovely 
wife. He was proud of her beauty, her grand serene 
calmness of manner, her quiet grace of movement. 
He saw that she was enjoying the novelty of her life 
that its brilliant pleasures and gaieties amused her, 
that she was always occupied, that she looked well — ■ 
although she had lost the brilliant animation that 
had attracted him so during the first few weeks of 
their married life. 

"She has forgotten the past," he said to himself. 
"From this time forward there will be peace and 
happiness." He congratulated himself that he had 
taken the right course — in the midst of worldly 
luxury and gaiety she had forgotten her child. 

So he believed until a little incident occurred which 
undeceived him. 

Amongst the friends whom Lady Lauraine had 
made was a Mrs. Cracour — a beautiful young matron 
who had married an elderly man more for money 
than for love. She had some little children, to whom 
she devoted herself. Every one who visited her 
was shown them. Lord Lauraine did not know of 
this peculiarity when he called one morning with 
the Countess. 

"You will like Mrs, Cracour, Gladys," he said. 
she is very kind and sensible; make a friend of her, 
darling. I should like to see you surrounded by 
pleasant friends." 

When they had been some little time in the draw- 
ing-room, Mrs- Cracour said — 

"Do you like children, Lady Lauraine? Are you 
fond of them?" 

If the point of a sword had pierced her heart, she 
could not have suffered more. Controlling herself. 
she smiled and answered — 

"Yes — I love children, 

"Then you shall see my boy," said Mrs. Cracour. 
"The girls are gone out." 

She rang; and in a few minutes a beautiful little 
boy of three years ran into the room. It was a mere 
coincidence that he should be of Leo's age, with 
Leo's golden curls and bright blue eyes. He ran 
with a cry of "Mamma!" to Mrs. Cracour, who 
clasped him in her arms. Lady Lauraine sat silent, 
unable to speak, white and trembling with agitation. 

"Go to Lady Lauraine and wish her good niorn- 
inr, Bertie," said Mrs. Cracour; and Bertie came 
forward, holding out his hand. 

Lord Lauraine and the mistress of the house arose 
in alarm, for Lady Lauraine had fallen back in her 
chair, white and still 'as one dead. The sight of the 
child — so much like the one she had lost — had al- 
most killed her. 

"It is the heat," said Mrs. Cracour, as she bent 
over her with fragrant essences. "You need not be, 
alarmed, Lord Lauraine; it will pass away in a few 
minutes. The day is close and sultry.' 

But Lord Lauraine was wiser. He knew that 
neither heat nor cold would affect her. It was the 
sight of "the child. He understood it, if no one else 
did. Angry, burning jealousy arose in his heart 
against the unconscious cause of the incident; he 
hated Mrs. Gracour's child. 

He was relieved when the white eyelids dpened 
again. He saw what a strong effort his wife made to 
control herself, and he helped her. He talked care- 
lessly about the heat, and its effects on different 
temperaments, while Lady Lauraine called the child 
to her. 

With trembling hands she lifted him on to her 
knees — with trembling lips she kissed the pietty 
face; her whole soul shone in her eyes as she talked 
to him; there was a pathos in her voice and smile 
that would have touched any one except a jealous 
Lauraine. 

As soon as etiquette permitted, Lord Lauraine 
rose to take his leave. When he touched bis wife's 
hand, he found that she was trembling; and as they 
drove home she <?at with closed eyes and a still white 
face that angered him as he looked at it. 



TILE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



4S7 



CHAPTER VII" 

"Gladyp, " said Lord Lauraine to bis wife that 
same evening, "are you uot content that you are one 
of the loveliest wonieu in London? You are a queen 
cf the season — there is no one half so popular — you 
have the finest diamonds, horses, carriages, dresses, 
and ornaments of auv lady iu London — you are feted 
and carressed — you receive homage and attention — 
yon have everything that a ■woman's heart can de- 
sire. Tell me, are you not content?" 

She turned away from him. It was useless for her 
to tell him that life without her son was a living 
death — it was useless to appeal to him. The more 
intensely she longed for her boy, the more resolutely 
he retained bis resolution that they must be parted 
for all time. 

What would be the use to tell him that she was long- 
ing for little Leo until her long life was one sigh for 
bim? 

"Content Philip?" she replied. "What a strange 
word to choose! You took me from nothing, and 
placed me by your side — you have lavished every- 
thing upon me — why should I not be content?" 

So she spoke; yet she gazed at him with anxious, 
wistful eyes, as though she would say, "You know 
why all this luxury only frets and troubles me — I 
want my child;" but she kuew how useless it was to 
say nny thing to him; she would only provoke his 
anger — rouse the Lauraiue jealousy. So she turned 
from him coldly — even his loving words and caresses 
wearied her. If he would only let her see Leo, she 
would tie a happy woman, a happy wife. 

"Did be think I could sell iny heart out of my 
breast?" she moaned. "Did he think that I could 
sell my child? Oh, how mad, how foolish, bow blind 
I was to let a false hope mislead me! I had no 
grounds for it — I ought to have known that he meant 
every word he said." 

It was part of her punishment that she loved her 
husband as dearly as ever, yet felt more keenly every 
day the cruelty of what he had done. 

When the season was over tbey went back to 
Raiuewold. There could have been no greater suc- 
cess than hers was. She had made hosts of friends 
and acquaintances. Her beauty made her unusu- 
ally popular. She returned home in the flush of tri- 
umph and success. 

There was an addition to the home-party at Raine- 
wold — pretty little Miss Lorrimer, the daughter of a 
distant cousin ofLord Lauraiue. The mother dying, 
left her a small fortune, and had asked the Earl to 
be her guardian. He had solved all difficulties by 
saying that the child had better live at Rainewold 
and have a governess there — it would be better than 
sending her to school. She was quite a child — not 
four years old. And Lord Lauraine bad another 
idea iu arranging for the child to live at Raiuewold — 
he thought it would please bis wife— that she would 
love the little girl, who might in some measure re- 
place her lost child. And Lady Lauraine was pleased 
for Rose was a pretty child, and loving her, caring 
for her, was an occupation that might probably dis- 
tract her mind. 

At first it did so. Lady Lauraine was pleased to 
have a nursery to manage, to engage a governess, 
to have a cnild whom she could love — but, when 
the novelty of it had worn away, she turned back 
to the old sorrow. If Phillip could do all this for 
the child of a kinswoman whom he bad hardly 
known or seen, why not let her at least see her 
child for one half-hour ? For one half hour with 
little Leo she would have surrendered all her 
grandeur, magnificence, beauty, and wealth. Yet 
that one pleasure which above all others she longed 
for he would not grant. 

That Christmas the Earl's happiness was made 
made complete by the birth of a son and heir. 
Then he had no fear — Gladys would be quite sat- 
isfied, quite happy, now that she had a son of 
her own again He did not know that Gladys, 
lying weak and ill, bad formed an appeal to bim 
to look at his own child, and, by the love he felt 
for it, give her back Leo. He had refused before 
in brief stern words, but he would not refuse now re- 
that a baby face would plead for her. 

He came into her room, and there was no loving 
word that he did not lavish upon her. She took 
courage. She looked up calmly at the dark handsome 
face. 

"Philip," she said gently, "do you love your little 
son?" 

"My darling, of course I do," he answered. 
"You would not like to lose him?" she continued. 
But evidently he had guessed what was iu her 
mind — he kissed the sweet quivering lips and the pale 
beautiful face. 

"I would rather lose bim and everything else in 
the world than you," he said. "You will be happy 
now, Gladys — you have husband and child there is 
nothing wanting iu your life. 

She was quick enough to understand him. — she 
knew that she was to say no more. 
[to be continued."! 




ES^No communication will be inserted unless the 
color of the writer's eye-brows, the date of bis — or 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signedby the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nam de plume the writerdesires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarautee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

Naturalist. — A lady's figure contains just 
as many mathematical properties as a gentle- 
man's does. 

San Joaquin — -Enquires if the Sacramento 
River was hurt when it fell, last summer? 
We believe not. 

Ennis. — Wants to know if climbing over a 
pile of music would be properly designated 
a musical scale ? It would not. 

Stealy. — The man who lights the street 
lamps is not entitled to regard himself as a 
particularly brilliant individual. 

Winona. — If Dr. Shorb wears a liver pad 
we are not aware of the fact. Ask the edi- 
tor of the Gall he is better posted than we 
are. 

Farmer. — A young lady who is au fail at 
fixing herself up with false teeth, calves, 
cosmetics, etc., is a "Mistress of Arts." A 
A "Master of Arts" possesses other accomp- 
lishments. 

Ton Moore. — The lines: 
Die when and where and how you will, you need 

not wear, 
At Heaven's court, pantaloons defaced with a tare, 

are not at all elegant. 

Red-head. — The best papers in this and all 
other countries frequently contain typogra- 
phical and orthographical errors. For those 
errors sometimes the writer is responsible 
and sometimes the compositor. On a small 
paper where there is no regular proof reader 
they are not merely excusable but unavoid- 
able. In the same way the very ablest littera- 
teurs, in the hurry and rush of press writing, 
sometimes — even frequently^-make slips in 
their grammar. Intelligent men think no 
thing of such things; you are not an intelli- 
gent man. You, assisted by some other per- 
son, take three days to criticise work 
which had to pass through the hands of the 
person you criticise in a less number of hours 
and yet you display an ignorance which is 
idiotically puerile. You pass by errors and 
you challenge that which is right. You re- 
mind us of a young man who once obtained a 
position on a paper through private influence 
— not his own individual capacity, mind. He 
had never been connected with a paper be- 
fore and it is unlikely that he ever will be again 



The novelty of the position turned his head 
and he gave way to habits which rendered 
him utterly useless. His connection with 
the paper had to be severed. Since that 
time he has wandered around the country, 
like an unhappy "Jack O'Lantern," writing 
anonymous and other communications to the 
publishers and predicting the early death of 
the paper if his "vigorous and caustic" — to 
use his own language — pen is not re-engaged. 
We fall sick of such incapable transparent 
frauds as you and he are. 



Ah Fong:, a Lovc-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Sbey 

Fun: 

In my last letter I told you that I had suc- 
ceeded in captivating a lady who was in 
search of a housemaid and the result is that 
I am now duly domiciled in that position at 
the house of Colonel Massey. Colonel Mas- 
sey, as the name implies, has been at some- 
time or other a warrior mandarin. When 
and where he enjoyed that distinction I do 
not know. And, unless it is himself, I do 
not think any other person does. Judging 
from the very great number of warrior man- 
darins which one meets in this country one 
is naturally driven to the conclusion that 
there must have been a large army in the 
neighborhood and that the enemy, or the 
small-pox, or something or other killed off 
all the common soldiers and so left the war- 
rior mandarins without an occupation. At 
present Colonel Massey is selling tape in a 
dry goods store. 

In my last letter I also led you to infer 
that I had made a "mash" on Mrs. Colonel 
Massey when I first met her at the intelli- 
gence office. In freely and frankly admit- 
ting that I now think I made a little mistake 
in that particular, I am not actuated merely 
by a desire to allay any vexacious little jeal- 
ousy which my careless words may have 
caused you; but rather by that very supreme 
regard for truth which has been aroused in 
me by studying the life of George Washing- 
ton, a man who in this country was a man- 
darin, high in authority, some years ago, and 
who, rather than tell a lie, chopped up six 
ccrds of cherry tree wood between sunrise 
and breakfast time on a winter's morning. 
(And never asked the local paper to give him 
a notice for it either!) Of one thing, how- 
ever, you may always feel assured and that 
is that no barbarian lady will ever steal my 
heart from you. Apart from all question of 
your superior beauty and grace I could not 
in my heart of hearts tolerate the extrava- 
gance, impertinence, and presumption of wo- 
men who would turn up their noses if asked 
to wear their grandmother's dresses — be they 
ever so fine in texture — who wear queues like 
men, and who, instead of worshipying their 
husbands as superior beings, expect to be wor- 
shiped. I am still, my dearest Hoey, 
Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fono. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, $4 a year. Thirty- 
five cents a month by carriers. 




INSTRUCTIONS TO 




li.F.POUCE 8V THE COUNSELLOR 



490 



THE ILLUSTRATED "WASP. 




Tlie Very Freshctt American Humor* 

A bill head — The bust of Shakespeare. — 
Boston Bulletin. 

Stands are always sold at auction to the 
buystanders. 

A classical farmer in Burlington Township 
names his pigs after the Greek roots. 

Buckskin gloves are dear, because the deer 
is the buck's kin. — Boston Transcript. 

"When a horse froths at the mouth, he 
should be taken to the horsepittal. — Ex. 

In boring for oil, if money was a shaft, 
you could sink it mighty quick. — Whitehall 
Time-,. 

The fellow who rang the church bell for a 
false alarm of fire, tolled a lie. — Hackensack 
Republican. 

A Keokuk boy asked his girl to set her day 
when he might call, and she Saturday — Keo- 
kuk Constitution. 

"Who was Luke's mother ?" asks a corres- 
pondent. She was a Manialuke, of course. 
— Gin. Saturday Night. 

9 

A Western paper says that too many hogs 
are raised in this country. We should say 
so. — Turners Falls Gazelle. 

Bouquets for parties and balls are now 
made flat in New York. Which prevents 
their being handed round. — Phila. Bulletin. 

Nothing tends more to shake a man's faith 
in the loveliness of woman than to receive a 
call from a female bill collector. — N. T. Mail. 

"Will Miss Lydia Thompson please in- 
form us where she buys her dress patterns ?" 
inquires a fashionable member of the Cana- 
dian court. 

"You ought to husband your coal more," 
said the charity woman. "I always does. I 
makes him sift ashes and pick the cinder." — 
Gamden Post. 

Benjamin West said that a kiss from his 
mother made him a painter. Kissing a 
young lady's cheek has often made a young 
man a painter. — Ex. 

Why is liver like a green apple ? Because 
it is not tripe. Let no base paragrapher 
show spleen over this truly original conun- 
drum. — Boston Transcript. 

A man in London, England, has gone 
crazy because he could not ascertain why the 
tide ebbs and flows. This is a case of water 
on the brain, — Detroit Free Press. 

Ultra-fashionable young men now wear 
mittens of a Cardinal hue. When the mitten 
is presented by a 3'oung lady the color is 
generally blue. — N. Y. Com. Adv. 

Children's stockings are made double over 



the knee, says a fashion paper. So is the 
child when the mother finds it necessary to 
apply her slipper to it. — Phila. Chronicle. 

The schools are deprived of the presence 
of many a boy who has just enough of a sore 
throat to keep him at home in the back yard 
building snow forts. — New Haven Register. 

The New York Express says "it is not to 
be expected that your tailor will trust you 
forever." Of course, not. If he trusts vou 
for clothes, that is all you can expect of him. 
— Rome Sentinel. 

A lady in Delaware put a quart of dried 
apples to soak without thinking of their 
swelling qualities, and for an hour it was 
thought that the whole State would be sub- 
merged. — N. Y. Herald. 

There is one time in a young man's exis- 
teuce when life is as sweet as brown sugar, 
and that is when he hires a sleigh and gets a 
pretty girl to hold the horse while he holds 
the girl. — N. Y. Express. 

There is a period in every body's life when 
he has an unearthly, unquenchable desire to 
build a skating pond in the back yard for 
the girl to fall down on when she hangs out 
clothes. — N. Y. Graphic. 

What was the most "stew"-pendous rail- 
road enterprise? Answer — (by a Friar) — 
The construction of the "Pan-Handle" line 
of course. The work was mostly done under 
a "broiling" sun. — Meriden Recorder. 

Congress is bothering its wise head with 
patent-law legislation. This is quite useless. 
Necessity is the mother of invention : Neces- 
sity knows no law — ergo, she never taught 
her child any — and never will. — Puck. 

We have just received a sample copy of a 
new song entitled "Put your arms around 
me, dear." Any lady who desires to try it, 
can do so by calling at our office after busi- 
ness hours — we mean the song. — Elmira Ga- 
zette. 

A Dutch saloonist, when asked why he 
hung a beer mug in front of his place, re- 
plied: "Don't dot Constitution of the United 
States say, 'hang your banners on dose out- 
side walls ?' — so I puts mine flag on de front 
wall of mine shtore." — Syracuse Times. 

A family is like unto an equipage. First 
the father, the draught horse; next the boys, 
the wheels, for they are always running 
around; then the girls, they are surronded 
by fellows. The baby occupies the lapboard, 
and the mother — well, what's a wagon with- 
out a tongue, anyhow ? — Court Journal. 

By boring a hole through a silver dollar 
and tying it to a tag a Connecticut man sent 
it through the mail for a cent, whereas if he 
had put it in an envelope it would have cost 
him three cents. No one but a New Eng- 
lander would have thought of such a device, 
and it is this prompt grappling with the situ- 
ation that gives New England its mighty in- 
fluence upon the world. — Banbury Keirx. 

'Twas morn. Nature had donned her ver- 
nal garb. The bright sunlight shimmered 
and glinted athwart the lakelet, on the shore 
of which, in an attitude of the most moadful 
reflectiveness, might have been described 
Lucille, heiress of the proud house of De 
Courcy. A deep sigh escaped her as — "Oh, 
there's a man fallen off a building way up at 
the South End, and the city editor wants you 
to see about it." "All right; I'm off!" Now, 
how is a man to write the great American 
novel and win fame and fortune under such 
circumstances ? — Boston Traveller. 



Brother Gardner's Lime-Kiln Club. 

"Gem'len, my comprehension has bin at- 
tracted to politics once moar," said Brother 
Gardner as the gravel came down to com- 
mand silence, "I has bin requested to state 
de posishun of dis club on de queshun of a 
weddin' between de Democratic an' de Green- 
back parties. De Democratic party am heah, 
but whar' am de bride ? Eesumpshun has 
resumed, an' whar' am de Greenback party?" 

No one seemed able to answer his momen- 
tous queries, and the old man continned: 

"I doau' like to talk polytics in dis club, 
but on dis occashun I'm gwine to say dat de 
man who sets face agin payin' an honest debt 
wid honest money would steal ehickuns ebery 
night in de week if it wasn't for de moon- 
light an de purleeee ! When I earn a dollar 
I want cash. I want money dat am good 
el'ar ober de keunters ob de Bank of Eng- 
land, an' which will pay funeral expenses in 
Chiuy an' Japan. De man who gits up now 
an' howls about our currency an' wants to 
upsot finanshol affairs am de open enemy of 
ebery laborin' man in de kentry, an' de sworn 
foe of de land which growed him up. De 
partj - which holdj out an' sots up de princi- 
ples now bein' shot off by Sam Caiy an' 
Moses Field may be good 'nuff to run some 
demagogues into office, but dey can't do it 
by my wote What I'm wuth I got by hai>d 
work, an' I'm gwine to woik hard to keep it, 
an' de man who wants to cheapen de money 
I sweat to earn would steal my saw if I left 
it out doors." — Detroit Free Press. 

Nearly a Give Away. 

Mr. Innocent r-eturns to the bosom of his 
family at 12 P M., and explains to anxious 
and inquiring wife that he has been to'the 
Tabranacle to hear the Hutehinsons; didn't 
think of going when he left home or he 
would have taken his "little birdie" along to 
hear the sacred music. 

Mrs. — "Was the singing good, dear?" 

Mr. — "Oh, fine, especially that good old 
hymn, 'Musn't Touch.' " 

Mrs. — "Musn't touch? That's a funny 
name for a hymn." 

Mr. — Yes, but you see it's a temperance 
song; means musn't touch the wine when it 
is red within the cup." 

Mrs.— "Oh-h! That's it. I see. Were the 
dresses pretty ? Tell me all about it." 

Mr. — "Just gurgeous. One of them wore 
a green silk slashed in front from the waist 
clear down, but the prettiest was the one in 
purple trunks — that is, waist. Not much 
trimmin, you know; very simple, but fitted 
like a glove. By Jove! she had the best 
shaped leg — 

Mrs. — "Leg! I'd like to know — " 

Mr. — "Let me finish a word, will you. 
Leghorn hat I mean. I suppose that's what 
you call 'em. Straw hat, you know, shaker 
bonnet or something of that sort. Antique 
costume, you know." 

"Mrs. — "It must have been lovely. I wish 
you had taken me." 

Mr. — "Yes, so do I, dear." 

But he didn't. He lied about it, and when 
she detected him executing a solemn wink at 
himself in the glass, she had a faint suspicion 
that the Bentz troupe was in town.— S'au 
Jose Herald-Argus. 



THE ILLTTSTEATED WASP. 



491 




— Eugene Cerf has been arrested on a 
charge of larceny — a serf to dishonesty, per- 
haps. 

— Mayor Andrus of Oakland talks "big." 
A lot of other frauds have done the same 
thing before now. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— An exchange heads an article: "What is 
the Practical Value of Science." In mend- 
ing a pair of pantaloons, dear boy, it is im- 
mense. 

— The Barbers have a Protective Union. 
It seems to us that it is the public that 
requires to be protected against their loqua- 
city. 

— An attempt was recently made to rob a 
bank in Petabjma; it failed. Whether this 
was in consequence of the absence of any- 
thing valuable to rob it of has not transpired. 

— Mr. Pickering says the Bepublican pa- 
pers very generally encourage the preten 
tions of Tilden to the Democratic Presiden 
tial nomination, Mr. Pickering's statements 
are not always true. Indeed, as in this case 
they are often absolutely untrue. 

—The airs of the foreign population of the 
United States are getting to be perfectly un- 
bearable. A Turk, an infidel Turk from 
Constantinople, has brought suit against the 
City of Philadelphia because one of its sky- 
rockets knocked his eye out last Fourth of 
July. 

— The house of Daniel Franz, near Day- 
ton, O., was entered by burglars a few nights 
ago, who bound the family, forced Mrs. 
Mrs. Franz to give up §300 in cash and 
$25,000 in notes and bonds, which were con- 
cealed in the house. — Nbrristown Exchange. 
Who ? Who ? Who ? Some vile thief to 
be sure. 

— Miss Clara S. Folz, the first female law- 
yer of San Francisco, is 28 years old, and 
with all her Foltz they love her still. — De- 
troit Free Press. The lady doesn't happen 
to be a Miss, though she may be quite as 
good as a mile. She is a Mrs., and as to the 
twenty-eight year part of it, we are not pre- 
pared to stand a libel suit nor yet can we 
swear that we were present at her birth forty- 
eight years ago. 



A Scale-y Story. 

"A major" loved a maiden so, 

His warlike heart was soft as "Do." 

He oft would kneel to lier and say, 

"Yon are, of light, my only 'Re.' 

Ah! if bat kinder yon would be, 

And sometimes sweetly smile on 'Mi.' 

You are my life, my guiding star, 

I love thee near, I love thee 'Fa.' 

"My passion I cannot control, 

You are the idol of my 'Sol'." 

The maiden said, "Fie! ask papa. 

How can you go on thus ? Oh, 'La!' " 

The major rose from bended knee, 

And went her father for to "Si." 

The father thought no match was finer, 

This "major" once had been "aminor," 

They married soon, and after that 

Dwelt in ten rooms all on "one flat." 

So happy ends the little tale, 

For they live on the grandest scale. 



Subscribe for the Wasp, §4 a year, 
ty-five cents a month by carriers. 



Thir- 



WTiat's One Bullet to a Basketful? 

An incident occurred in the battle of 
Franklin which I have never seen in print. 
The sanguinary battle was at its height, and 
now and then there was a soldier who would 
not face the music, and, holding to the idea 
that "distance lends enchantment," on all 
such occasions would exhibit his faith in the 
idea by taking 'leg-bail" for the rear. These 
cases were getting too numerous towards the 

close of the battle, and Col. B , A. A. 

Gr. of our brigade, was sent back to the rear 
to intercept those seeking for safety and re- 
turn them to their respective posts of duty. 

Col. B said he hailed one fellow 

who was making tracks for some place of 
safety with all the energy of despair. 

"Halt! I say, and return to your com- 
mand!" 

The flying son of Mars took no notice of 
the command. 

"Halt! I say, and go back to your post!" 

The soldier paid no attention to him. 

The Colonel now became exasperated, and 
yelled out: 

"If you don't turn and go back to your 
command I will shoot you, sir!" 

Without pausing in his flight the soldier 
yelled back at him: 

"Shoot and be hanged! What's one bul- 
let to a basketful !" 

Col. B let him go, and after the bat- 
tle told the incident as a good joke. 

A Green Hand. 

One of the plumbing establishments of 
Danbury took, in a new jour, the other day. 
He was from a hamlet over in New York 
State — a little hamlet where he had worked 
with his father. The day after his arrival 
there was a burst in the water pipe of a 
house on Pine street. He was told to go 
over there and attend to it. 

Seeing the owner of the house in the shop, 
he went up to him and got the particulars of 
the break, and then he made ready his tools 
and started. 

Just as he was passing out of the door the 
proprietor saw him. 

"Where are you going?" he almost 
screamed. 

The new man told him. 



"Do you mean to tell me that you are go- 
ing up there to fix that pipe without exami- 
ning it?" he gasped. 

"Why, I am going to look at it when I get 
there," said the new man. 

"Merciful heaven!" ejaculated his employ- 
er, catching hold of the desk to suppoit him- 
self. "Can it be possible that you would do 
a job at one visit ? Don't you know your 
trade any better than that ? Have you no 
pride in your business ? Why you'd ruin 
the entire community in less than a year." 
And the speaker burst into tears. 

As soon as he grew calmer he explained to 
the new man that he should first visit the 
house, make a thorough examination of the 
building, get the lay of the streets, find the 
location of the nearest hydrant, go up on the 
roof of the house and then return thought- 
fully to the shop for his tools, keeping an ac- 
curate record of the time. 



Good Reasons for Making Calls. 
"You do not like to make calls," said an 
uncle to his nephew. "But you must make 
calls," he continued, "for there is always 
pleasure to be derived — if not when you en- 
ter, at least when you come out." A better 
reason than this was once given by a Boston 
lady, who was chaffed for making so many 
visits. "Never mind." she replied, "I in- 
tend to keep up a sufficient acquaintance to 
have a respectable number at my funeral." 

GRAND OPERA HOUSE. 

Thos. Maguiee Blauager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger . . Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

LAST NIGHTS! 

The Most Powerful Play ever acted, 

EVEEY EVENING DURING THE WEEK, 

Within an Inch of His Life, 

A play in Six Acts, by Eniil Gaboriau. 

r^^The Terrific Fire Scence on a Plan hitherto^} 
TJnattempted in this city. 

SATURDAY, Matinee at 2 o'clock. 

ANNOUNCEMENT. 
t^During the LENTEN SEASON will be rendered 
with every circumstance of solemnity and preparation 
FULL CHORUS and LARGELY INCREASED 
BAND, 

The Passion Play. 



BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thomas Maguiee Manager 

Tremendous Success of 
BARLOW, WILSON, PRIMROSE & WEST'S 

MINSTRELS. 

Acknowledged to he the most brilliant and artistic 
combination now before the public, have commenced 
a short season at this Theatre. 

SATURDAY, Matinee at 2 o'clock. 



IF YOU ABE FOND OF GOOD COFFEE 
TRY THE 

Premium C©ff©e 

MANUFACTURED BY 

J. G. MONTEALEGRE. 

Successor to IBA MABDUI & CO. 
218 SACRAMENTO ST. 



492 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




This week there has been nothing very 
novel in the way of amusements. 

At Baldwin's 
The minstrel troupe still continues to draw 
very fair houses and fully sustain its pre- 
vious standard of excellence. Its perfor- 
mances are marked by an absence of vulgari- 
ty which, in this class of entertainment, is 
unusual. 

At the Grand Opera House 
The Baldwin Company has continued its 
presentation of "Within an Inchof his Life." 
After each representation the performance 
became smoother and smoother until a very 
high degree of perfection was reached. The 
magnificent and expensive manner in which 
the piece was mounted excited wonder and 
admiration. 



At the California 
We have again been treated to a dose of W. 
J. Florence in a variety of characters. The 
management of this house seem to entertain 
the impression that anything is good enough 
for the San Francisco public. Anything 
more tiresome than the performances during 
the past week would be hard to imagine. 



At the Bush Street Theatre 

Weathersby's Froliques have continued to 
hold the boards. The performances were 
not so bad as they might have been. 



At the Standard 
Half clad women has been the order of the 
day. Each performance grows more and 
more abominable; and, whether as a conse- 
quence or not we are not prepared to say, 
our intelligent and elevated citizens grow 
more and more appreciative. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Oues. 
Bret Harte's hair has become quite white, 
and he looks venerable. 

Edwin Booth is building a Summer resi- 
dence on the east shore at Newport. 

Mrs. Marriner-Campbell concerted in San 
Jose with good success on Friday last. 

Miss Annie Adams is playing in "A Wo- 
man of the People" at Portland, Oregon. 

Miss Rose Eytinge has been engaged to 
play atTJaldwin's for a season, minus Cyril 
Searle. Maguire is smart. 

Miss Belle Thomas, the well known prima 
donna contralto, has married a Black Hills 
millionaire, aud is suited at Baldwin's. 

Adelaide Neilson writes from Nice that her 
pulmonary troubles have been much im- 
proved by the soft climate of the lively water- 
ing place on the Mediterranean. 

Mr. J. H. St. Maur, formerly a dramatic 
writer for the press of this city, is now man- 
aging a new magician named Kellar. He 
was doing a good business in Philadelphia 
when last heard from. 

Clara Louise Kellogg is engaged for an 
operatic tour in Europe with Strakosch, com- 
mencing in April. Strakosch takes to Cali- 
fornia, Litta, Cary, probably Di Murska, and 
the remainder of the company. 

Ella F. Badger, who for the past year has 
been in retirement, owing to the loss by 
death of her mother, has reappeared upon 
the theatrical boards, and is now with the 
Raymond party at Virginia City. 

Rice's Suprise Party left Sacramento on 
the 18th, direct for Chicago. Mestayer cut 
his connection with the troupe, and his place 
will be taken by Harry Gourtaine. Mrs. 
Coartaine will also join the company. 

The Bostonians are delighted with Alice 
Harrison in "Le Petit Due." The Traveller 
says "she acted with grace and vivacity. 
Her singing was singularly impetuous in its 
fire, and her energy at times made her run 
off the track." 

An Oregon paper, speaking of the appear- 
ance of little Maud Adams as the child, Ad- 
rienne, in "The Celebrated Case," says her 
acting was "simply sublime!" Maud is a 
precious five-year old; but "sublime" is not 
the word in her case. 

John McCullough prevented a panic in a 
Nashville theatre the other night. He was 
playing "Richard III." and the register on 
the right side of the stage commenced smok- 
ing. The audience was on the point of 
stampeding, when the actor, in his deepest 
tones, bade them keep their seats, as the 
janitor was only putting fresh coal on the 
fire. 

The Gatti Brothers, lessees of the Adelphi 
and of Covent Garden, are becoming quite 
Nopoleonic in their proportions as managers. 
The business amuses them, and they take 
more interest in it than in the steaks and 
chops and pints of beer and stout, which 
have brought them such a fortune in their 
various restaurants. Their pantomime at 



Covent Garden is the most wonderful thing 
London has ever seen. 

At last accounts Sothern had got as far on 
his way to Africa as Rome, and from the 
Eternal City he writes back, engaging all 
sorts of good artists to support him in "his 
approaching American trip." Provincial 
managers have been told by Horace Wall 
that they may announce Sothern for Easter 
— a move in direct defiance of the mandate 
of the physicians, who say they will not an- 
swer for his life if he acts under six months. 
He calmly replies that he'd rather be dead 
than idle. 

The Bridgeport Standard has brought 
trouble upon itself by a criticism made in its 
column of the performance given by the 
Dickie Lingard combination in that city last 
Monday night. Dalziel, the husband of Miss 
Lingard, states that a suit for libel will be 
begun, the damages to be laid at $5,000. "It 
is proposed," says Dalziel, "to adopt a novel 
mode of proving the libel, the entire com- 
pany intending to perform the piece of 'Our 
Wives' to the jury exactly as given to the 
Bridgeport audiences." 

Miss Annie Louise Cary's benefit at Bos- 
ton, on the 7th instant, was signalized by the 
prima donna contralto appearing for the first 
time in "Mignon." The Journal says: 
"Some of the music taxed her powers some- 
what on account of its upward range, but 
most of it lies easily within reach of a mezro 
soprano voice. Her acting was spirited and 
often quite impressive. For all this, how- 
ever, Miss Cary is not destined to win the 
same distinction or the same amount of ap- 
plause a soprano would gain in the part." 

Raymond is doing an excellent business in 
Virginia City. His old mania for matching 
half dollars has seized him again. Last eve- 
ning (says the Chronicle of that place), when 
it was time for the play to begin Raymond 
was not to be found. A search soon revealed 
the fact that he was off in a corner matching 
half dollars with one of the "supes," the lat- 
ter having won $12.50 and willing to win 
more. When he was at last ready to go on 
he refused to move until he had "made one 
match" with the leading lady to ascertain if 
his engagement would turn out luckily. He 
matched with Miss De Forest on the ' promp- 
ter's table and won. "I guess you don't 
know much about matching half dollars," he 
said, as he pocketed the coin and went on 
enthused over his prospects. 

Joaquin Miller's new play "Mexico," is 
described and condemned thus briefly: In 
"The Danites" Mr. Miller had the practical 
assistance of Mr.McKee Rankin, and the play 
has been a great success, but in "Mexico" 
his own untutored genius was his sole guide, 
and the result is a combination of glaring in- 
congruities, and a hodge-podge of volcanoes, 
water-falls, guns, bullets, and American flag 
that might do very well for a transpontine 
drama, but is not a creditable piece of work 
for an alleged poet. The whole play is of 
the same cheap, tawdry, and catchpenny 
style, lacking in sequence and unity, and so 
brimful of impossible incedents, that the 



THE ILLL'STEATED WASP. 



493 



spectator's mind is sorely puzzled to find out 
■what it all means. The spectacle of an Ame- 
rican Consul going abound with an American 
flag in his hand and making a fool of himself 
generally, would seem to indicate that the 
poet of the Sierras had been striving for a 
consulship, and, being disappointed, had 
taken this means to satirize the Administra- 
tion. 



A Pat Reply. 



Nhe warmth of the true Irish heart and 
the quickness of the true Irish tongue are 
proverbial, and feeble must be the cry of 
distress or brilliant the wit that does not so- 
licit a sympathetic response from the genuine 
son or daughter of the Emerald Isle. Not 
very long ago a little boy whose parents died 
was sent to the orphan asylum, but the place 
was so distasteful to him that he ran away 
and back to his own neighborhood. Living 
in the vicinity was an old Irish woman, whom 
we will call Kate, and poor though she was, 
with a large family, she took the orphan in 
and cared for him as her own. The other 
day she was in the city making some pur- 
chase, and in one of the stores, a gentleman 
who was conversant with the facts of the 
ease, asked after the boy. 

"Oh, an' he's a foine bye, sur, an' glad ter 
have him wid me." 

"Well, Eate, if there is a heaven in the 
next world you will go to it." 

As quick as lightning came the reply, with 
all the heartiness of the race: 

"God bless ye, Mr. P — ; an' sure, if I do, 
I'll lave the gate open for you." — San Jose 
Herald-Argus. 



A Genuine French Dinner 

Including a Half-bottle of the Best Claret, 

I will give for 35 GENTS. 

Come One, Come All, and be convinced. 

JOE SAM, 645 Merchant St. 



In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMS, $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 



135 POST STBEET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SPECIAL NOTICES: 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TENT- 
MORE Y & C©."S MACCAEONI andVEE- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Eetail. 

janl8-3mos 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



WANTED. 



A first-class Cheese and Butter maker. 
Inquire at F. Korbel & Bros. , «cor. Bryant 
and Fifth Streets. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Something New. 
Eecipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 32G Clay Street. 



Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 43,107 barrels of beer, being 
twice as much as the nest two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Eeport, U. 
S. Internal Eevenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Tosemito Cologne! 



K. MEUSDOUFFER, 

For twenty-seven years on Commercial street, takes 
the pleasure lo inform his friends and the public at 
large, that he will on FEBRUARY 22d, open a NEW 
STORE at No. 15 Kearny Street, cor. Morton, with 
a new and select stock of 

heats M*wm &M,w»m 

at the lowest prices. 

N. B. — The old store at C35 and 637 Commercial 
street, will be carried on as heretofore. 

E. MEUSDOBFFER. 



B. F. WELLINGTON, 

Importer and Dealer in all kinds of 

VEGETABLE, FLOWER, FRUIT AND TREE SEEDS, 

PLANTS AND TREES, 
425 Washington St., opp. P.O., San Francisco. 

SSg=Send for 32-page Catalogue. 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, etc., Window 
Shades and Shade Materials at low rates. 



Bakery and Restaurant, 

No. 9 STOCKTON STREET. 

Best of Cakes and Pies for the holidays. 
Balls and parties supplied- decl4-lm 



COLQIWA VINEYARD. 

Constantly on 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

KED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

ROBERT 2S: Ec E« £,„ 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 

412 Sansome Street, - • San Francisco. 




SUBSCBIBE FOE THE 

SAN FRANCISCO 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 

OFFICE, 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER 
COAST! 



THE PACIFIC 



Contains Five Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Sceneiy. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR ! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - $4 per Tear. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



C^All Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



BACK NUMBERS 

OF THE 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete their files of the 
"WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
fice. We have reserved a number of copies of each 
issue which can be had at 

Ten Cents a Copy. 



NOTICE. 

The public aie respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



A. SCHROEPFER, 

AEOHITECT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Eoom 38. Elevator in the building. 



494 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



lUIXSRGXSIt'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

FAOTpRT, 

"WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

Uo. 17 POWELL ST., opjf. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

3^=Special Attention paid to Country Orders. ^^ 



HOE & GO. 



New York and, Londom. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 



3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

"Where will be found Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT SUPERIORITY of our 



Xaifhoi 



m 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co's generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



"We have a large stock of 



Second Hand Presses ! 



— "YEKY CHEAP— both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 



OFFICERS: 

Peesident M. D. SWEENY 

Vice-President CD. O'SULLIYNA 

TRUSTEES: 
M. D. Sweeny, C. D. 'Sullivan, -It. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gus. Touchard, 

R. J. Tobin, Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Teeashbeb EDWARD MARTIN 

Attoenet RICHARD TOBIN 

REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May he sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society will not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany hi first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will be delivered to the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
Deposits received from S2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 
jnly21-tf ' 

CDK 4-f\ *ROO P er day at home. Samples worth S5 free 
tf)U lj\J tp^lVy Address Stihsos & Co., Portland, Maine. 



Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family ! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

D. GM.MWW <& CO., 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



$66 



a week in your own town. TermB and $5 outfit free. Ad- 
dress H. Hallett & Co. , Portland, Maine. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Polk. 



Henry .A-lireiis & Co. 

Proprietors. 



riAT T"l Anv worker can make $12 a day at home. Costly 
\JI\JJ-iSJ Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



BALDWIN'S 



ET 



James Lintott, 
914 MARKET STREET 

— AND— 

No. 9 ELLIS STREET. 



0. D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. R. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 
101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. , 
San Francisco. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 cents at piece. 



it 



W¥* 




ALDWIN," 

THE LEADING HOTEL 

OF SAN FBANCISCO, 

And the most Elegantly appointed Hotel in the 
"World. Over $3,500,000 having been expended 
by Mr. Baldwin in its Construction and Furnish- 




^^ifer.JJ 







The only Hotel having Sunlight in every Room 

Special Accommodations for Families and Large 
Parties. Prices the same as at other first-class 
Hotels, $3 and $5 per day. Special contracts 
will be made. The Hotel Coaches and Carriages 
in waiting at all Boats and Railway Depots. 

Booms can be reserved before arriving, by 
telegraphing to 

THE BALDWIN, 
A. MACABEE, Business Manager. 





T0BAG00 AND CIGARETTES! 

They are the BEST ! Always SMOKE MOIST 
and COOL ! 






THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



495 



San Francisco and XortI; Pacific It. R. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1S78, 
and until further notice, Trains and Boats 
will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, "Washington Street "Wharf.) 



Donahue," i Washington Street Wharf), connecting with 
Msiil and Repress train at Donahue, for Petamma, Santa Rt-sa. 
HeaJdahurg, Gtoverdale and way stations. Halting Stage con- 
nectiuus at Lakevilla fur Sonoma; at Geyserville for Skngg'fl 
Springe: at Ctoverdale f<ir Dklafa, Lakeport, ttendodno City, 
and the Geysers. 
^^.Connections made at Fulton on following morning for Kor- 

bcl's, Guernevilleiind the Redwoods. Sundays excepted. 

[Arrive at San Francisco at 10.30 A. M.] 

f3t,Freii.'ht received from 7 A. 51. to "2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 



A. HTJGHES, A. A. BEAN, 

Gen. Manager. Sup't. 



P. E. DOUGHERTY, 
Gen. P. &T. Ag't. 



Corns, Bunions, Ingrowing 




Nails, Freckles, "Warts, Moles, effectually cured by 
the celebrated Chiropodists, 

FEI.STEL & OERIRD, from Paris, 

838 Market Street, opp. Fourth. Parlors 2 and 3, up 
stairs. 



EL HICKS <& GO., 

BOOK BINDERS 



Blank Book Manufacturers, 



jano-tf 



543 Clay Street 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



YOUTHS' DIRECTORY, 

1417 Howard Street, 

(Maintained by the Citizens of San Francisca.) 

FREE 

Mame aai latelligesGe Bmresu 

For Friendless Boys seeking Work. GOOD LADS 
FOE AN5T SERVICE, furnished without charges to 
Employers or Employees. Office Hours- 9 A. M. to 
1 P. M. A. P. DIETZ, Superintendent. 



The undersigned 
having had twenty 
years' experience, re- 
spectfully announces 
that he is prepared to 
take dogs in training, 
also that he has very 
'Pointer" pups for sale. 

FEED CUSHE, 
Mission Road, opp. San Miguel. 




fine 



WANTED. 



In every City and Town in California, CANVAS- 
SERS for the 

Illustrated. Wasp. 

Reliable parties out of employment, will find this 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 






te\>H!ESiR4raMUI^fflffi I 




C38£TB0SH«:Pl ME V 



' WHOLESALE 0EJU>-i • 








THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 





_ 5?" " 

Mfm£ PRICE l;0 C T ? 



•om CE: 



liO« .('AUFaRWA ST. 

^ N W COR. OF KEARNY ST~ - 



SanRrancisco, March 8 t .h 1879 



-r RECOROtO AT SACRAMENTO CAL.S-; 
BY THE PUBLISHERS Of THE WaSP. 




POl/T/C/U S(//CJD£ Of f>S?£S/pZHTjf/?V£S . 



498 



THE HXUSTEATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 

— AT — 

602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 



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tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, MARCH 8, 1879. 



" 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



"We have our eye on the "coming man" of 
1879. And we know what he will come for. 
The dog tax. 



The government of Turkey finds itself head 
over heels in debt, with its annual expenses 
steadily outvoting its revenue on a joint bal- 
lot, for all the world like the junior clerk in 
his first year. 



This busy, grasping, quarreling, scheming, 
restless world never seems so still, so deathly 
quiet, and vet so silently wide awake to the 
improvident man, as at the very moment 
when he is yanking a picket off his neigh- 
bor's fence for kindling wood. 



The whisky men have inaugurated a war 
upon tea, claiming that no man or woman can 
be called temperate who drink six cups of tea 
at one sitting, especially when the teapot is 
only gauged for five. It does look as though 
reform was needed somewhere. 



>*0 SECT IN HEATEN. 

Talking of sects till late one eve, 

Of the various doctrines the saints believe, 

That night I stood in a troubled dream, 

By the side of a darkly flowing stream. 

And a "Churchman" down to the river came, 

"When I heard a strange voice call his name, 

"Good father, stop; when you cross this tide, 

You must leave your robes on the other side." 

But the aged father did not mind, 

And his long gown floated out behind, 

As down to the stream his way he took, 

His pale hands clasping a gilt-edged book. 

"I'm bound for heaven, and when I'm there, 

I shall want my Book of Common Prayer; 

And though I put on a starry crown, 

I shall feel quite lost without my gown." 

Then he fixed his eyes on the shining track; 

But his gown was heavy and held him back, 

And the poor old father tried in vain, 

A single step in the flood to gain. 

I saw him again on the other side, 

But his silk gown floated upon the tide; 

And no one ask'd in that blissful spot, 

If he belong'd to "the Church." or not. 

Then down to the river a Quaker stray'd, 

His dress of a sober hue was made; 

"My coat and hat most be of gray, 

I cannot go any other way." 

Then he buttoned his coat straight up to his chin, 

And staidly, solemnly waded in, 

And his broad-brimm'd hat he pulled down tight 

Over his forehead, so cold and white. 

But a strong wind carried away his hat; 

A moment he silently sigh'd over that, 

And then, as he gazed to the farther shore, 

The coat slipp'd off and was seen no more. 

As he enter'd heaven, hia suit of gray 

"Went quietly sailing — away — away. 

And none of the angels question'd him 

About the width of his beaver's brim. 

Next came Dr. "Watts, with a bundle of Psalms 

Tied nicely up in his aged arms, 

And hymns aa many, a very wise thing, 

That the people in heaven, "all round may sing." 

But I thought that he heaved an anxious sigh, 

As he saw that the river was broad and high, 

And look'd rather surprised as one by one, 

The Psalms and Hymns in the waves went down. 

And after him, with his MSS., 

Came "Wesley, the pattern of godliness, 

But he cried, "Dear me, what shall I do? 

The water has soaked me through and through. 

And there on the river, far and wide, 

Away they went on the swollen tide, 

And the saint astonish 'd. passed through alone, 

"Without his manuscripts, up to the throne, 

Then gravely walking, two saints by name, 

Down to the stream together came, 

But as they stopped at the river's brink, 

I saw one saint from the other shrink. 

"Sprinkled or plunged, may I ask you, friend, 

How yon attain'd to life's great end?" 

"Thus, with a few drops on my brow," 

"But J have been dipp'd, as you'll see me now. 

As I'm 'close communion,' to cross with you; 

You're bound. I know, to the realms of bliss, » 

But you must go that way, and I'll go this." 

Then straightway plunging with all his might, 

Away to the left, his friend to the right, 

Apart they went from this world of sin, 

But at last together they entered in. 

And now when the river was rolling on, 

A Presbyterian church went down; 

Of women there aeemed a wondrous throng, 

But the men I could count as they passed along. 

And concerning the road, they could never agree, 

The Old or the New way, which should it be, 

Nor ever a moment paused to think 

That both would lead to the-river's brink. 

And a sound of murmuring, long and lond, 

Came ever up from the moving crowd, 

"You're in the Old way, and I'm in the New. 



This is the false, thai is the true." 

But the brethren only seemed to speak, 

Modest the sisters walk'd, and meek, 

And if ever one of them chanced to say 

"What troubles she met with on the way, 

How she longed to pass to the other side, 

Nor feared to cross over the swelling tide. 

A voice arose from the brethren then; 

"Let no one speak but the 'holy men;' 

For have ye not heard the words of Paul, 

( Oh, let the women keep silence all.' " 

I watched them long in my curious dream, 

Till they stood by the borders of the stream, 

Then, just as I thought the two ways met, 

But all the brethren were talking yet, 

And would talk on, till the heaving tide 

carried them over side by side; 

Side by side, for the way was one, 

The toilsome journey of life was done. 

And the Priest and the Quaker, and all who died, 

Come out alike on the other side. 

No forms, "or crosses," or books had they, 

No gowns of silk, nor suits of gray, 

No creeds to guide them, nor MSS., 

For all had put on Christ's righteeusness. 



THE BRAZILIAN POSTAL ROUTE. 

"What is known as the "Brazilian steam- 
ship subsidy" is again before Congress as a 
part of the Postal appropriation. The very 
name of subsidy has been made odious 
through the transactions of the Pacific mail, 
the Union Pacific Kailroad and other un- 
grateful benefitiaries of the nation. If the 
present measure were simply an attempt to 
bolster private enterprise at the public ex- 
pense, it would deserve a defeat. 

The amendment to the Postal bill does 
not, however, present any such features. It 
merely proposes to pay an American mail 
line the usual rate for postal services. The 
offer is made not to any particular ship owner 
but to any ship owner who is able and wil- 
ling to take advantage of it. It is true that 
British steamers are ready to carry American 
mails at almost nominal rates, and there are 
two good reasons why they can afford to do 
so. One is that they are subsidized by their 
own government; the other that it pays them 
to carry American mails at a loss if they can 
thus prevent regular steamship communica- 
tion between the United States and South 
America. It is proved by the experience 
that many varieties of English goods cannot 
compete with American goods in an open 
market, and the only way in which the Eng- 
lish can keep the Brazilian trade is by pre- 
venting American goods from reaching Bra- 
zil except by passing through English hands. 

The distress in England continues una- 
bated, as may be inferred from the unbroken 
record of strikes, lockouts, suspensions and 
business failures which make up the bulk of 
the news transmitted Great Britain. The 
natural result is to stimulate the hungry Bri- 
tish lobby hanging around Congress, and to 
give renewed vigor to the efforts made to in- 
duce that body to sacrifice American to Bri- 
tish interests. 

One of these attempts was made in con- 
nection with the Brazilian postal route, in 
the shape of an amendment opening the bids 
for mail carrying on the proposed new line 
to British ship owners. As the main object 
of the bill is to take the business out of the 
hands of the British and give it to Americans 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



499 



the amendment was decidedly cool. Fortu- 
nately it was rejected. 

The unfortunate working people of Eng- 
land merit the greatest sympathy in their 
present trouble, but the ruling class deserve 
no sympathy at all. Their traditional policy 
has been to grind and oppress the laborer, 
to favor the rich at the expense of the poor 
and to prevent the equitable distribution of 
created wealth. "When England has broken 
up her estates into farms, utilized the soil 
which is wasted in the forests, parks and 
hunting grounds of the nobility, amended 
her patent laws to give poor inventors the 
reward of their ingenuity and abolished her 
class distinctions, it will be time enough to 
sympathize with her. Until then she should 
be left to her fate, and it is not the business 
of an American Congress to help her at the 
expense of the Americans. 

The above remarks are taken from an 
Eastern paper, and are so good that we re- 
produce them. 



TSee Illustration on Last Page.] 
THE ART ASSOCIATION AS A TAILOR. 

The current tendency of all social arrange- 
ments in America at the present day is to- 
wards snobocracy. It is but a very little 
while ago since Her Eoyal Highness Mrs. 
Lome, the Canadian Governor's wife, direc- 
ted hex female friends to appear before her 
in a dress which made ample display of their 
persons. The order did not create an out- 
burst of opposition; it merely occasioned a 
little grumble — and then it was promptly 
obeyed. 

Following the example thus laid down an 
American Art Association has just issued an 
imperial ukase directing all male individuals 
calling at its rooms to garb themselves in the 
orthodox claw-hammer. 

It may possibly be that a male biped is 
able to appreciate and detect the scientific- 
ally artistic points in a beautiful picture 
quicker and more enthusiastically by reason 
of being clad in that dress. Of that we are 
not certain. Heretofore it has not been 
thought so but then new discoveries are be- 
ing made every day. 

If, however, the style of their dress affec- 
ted the visitor's appreciative powers, why 
should the edict not have been extended to 
the female ? Artists are but human and a 
majority of them are males ; should they not de- 
sire the admiration of the beautiful creatures 
who throng their rooms to view the productions 
of genius there displayed ? "We think so and 
our artist has suggested a design. But 
hold- . 



Just at this moment a happy thought, a 
divine inspiration, is wafted, on the morn- 
ing breeze, across our window. "We hasten 
to seize it. It reads thus: 

"Perhaps it may be that this new doctrine 
of '"Women's Eights' is at the bottom of this 
question!" 

Let us look at the facts: First, the Cana- 
dian Court leads off with an order to all its 
women visitors — without respect to age, 
color, or previous condition — to appear in a 
certain style of dress; and yet it allows its 
men visitors a certain amount of latitude in 



the matter. Now, what is more likely than 
that the Canadian Court is opposed to this 
claim of women for equal rights and takes 
this method of putting a slight upon the 
much abused sex '? And again what is more 
likely than that the advocates of that ad- 
vanced doctrine gained possession of this 
Art Association for the purpose of hurling 
back defiance at the overbearing tyrants who 
are trying to set up a tin-pot and tinsel imita- 
tion of an effete played out monarchy ? 

In these observations, it will be observed, 
the "Wasp has said nothing very decided. 
The Wasp is itself somewhat in the dark — 
like a famous biblical individual when his 
tallow luminary went out. There may be 
very grave and serious principles lying be- 
neath this apparent difference of opinion be- 
tween the San Francisco Art Association and 
the Canadian Court. Very small things have 
often made and unmade Empires; that is 
they have formed the pretext for such action. 
Napoleon's Ambassador brought on the 
Franco-Prussian war by asking a question of 
"Kaiser" William when that gentleman was 
taking a drink of water, or a pinch of snuff, 
or something of that sort; but still very few 
people believe that that was the real issue at 
stake in the conflict. 



| See Illustration on First Page. J 
POLITICAL SUICIDE. 

The action of President Hayes in refusing 
to sign the Anti-Chinese bill has knocked the 
Republican Party in this State out of time. 
Whether or not he will be at all sorry for 
that is open to doubt. If it had not been for 
the action of the Republican leaders . in this 
city and State in managing to vote about 30,- 
000 dead or fictitious people the Presidency 
would probably have gone to his opponent. 
But President Hayes has proved himself to 
be a very ungrateful man. In that respect 
he is widely different from his predecessor, 
Gen. Grant, who was distinguished for the 
fidelity with which he stuck to his friends. 
A blind partisan is a thing to be feared, but 
a faithless one is a thing to be despised. 

Nor should it be forgotten that President 
Hayes, good religions man though he may 
be, has in this matter acted in a manner 
which cannot be regarded as either honest or 
truthful. At all times he has endeavored, 
when discussing the Chinese question, to 
create the impression that he was in favor of 
the people of this Coast as against the Mon- 
golian invaders. 



[See Double-page Illustration.! 
SOUR GRAPES. 

The bold American from Cork, is of the 
opinion that there should be no procession 
in this city on St. Patrick's day. If Denis 
were honest in that belief, we should feel 
inclined to assert that had at last uttered a 
sensible remark. But he is not honest in so 
saying. His actions belie him The trouble 
between Denis and St. Patrick's Day lies, in 
in fact that the Irish patriots do not desire 
to give him first place; do not desire to give 
him any place, in fact. 

Last year, when the committee having 



charge of the celebration passed him over, 
he held a procession of his own on the Sun- 
day preceeding theirs. That did not look 
much like being opposed to the principle of 
of the celebration. In fact it indicated pretty 
broadly that he only objected to St. Patrick 
being made u bigger man than himself. 
Denis became too patriotically American 
after a certain class of his own countrymen 
showed a disposition to belittle him and his 
political influence. 

The fact that this man's own countrymen 
do not wish to have anything to do with him 
is significant. It is a snub from people who 
understand him. We think it indicates that 
that they have neither confidence in, nor re- 
spect for, him. 



AX INCIDENT WORTHY OF NOTICE. 

Thieves and scoundrels do not always go 
unwhipped of justice. In the great majority 
of instances, perhaps, they may, but it occa- 
sionally occurs that the majesty of the out- 
raged law gets its back up, so to speak; and 
then there is quick punishment. Such a 
case recently happened in New York. 

The circumstances are about as follows: 
David Pender, alias "Dave the Kid," a vile 
man whose soul is filled with dishonesty, but 
whose outer person was covered with well 
fitting clothes, seized upon the person of 
Mrs. Adolph DeBarry and wrenched from 
that lady's ear a diamond ring, on the 14th of 
last month. On the 26th of the same calen- 
dar period of time, David was "sent up" for 
twenty years. 

That- was prompt, sharp, and decisive. 
There have been some high-toned thieves 
who, after indictment for stealing a few mil- 
lion of dollars, have had a greater number 
of months to plead than there were days be- 
tween the date of the commission of this 
man's crime and his sentence. But of course, 
the fact of their being high-toned did not 
secure for them this apparent leniency. Mr. 
Pender was high-toned, too — at least in the 
matter of dress he was, though it afterwards 
transpired that his dress was a trifle above 
his bank account and family connection. 

No, the prompt strong-handed justice meted 
out in this case only shows what Republican 
law can do when she tucks her sleeves up 
and wades in — and now let the people pre- 
serve a decorous silence and count up all the 
moments which will elapse between the pres- 
ent time and the time when our "all men 
born free and equal" laws get mad at some- 
body like Duncan. 



The audacity of some people is amazing. 
Now comes the silver-tongued Tom Fitch all 
the way from Arizona in order to prove that 
Dr. Smith's going up there to get a divorce 
from his wife immediately after Tom had be- 
come a power in the legislative halls of that 
Territory was a mere co-incidence — and a 
curious one, too. 



"An Italian has made a clock of bread." 
At least we have seen an item to that effect 
knocking around all the paragraphic columns 
in the country, and it must b'e true. And now, 
hats off: Wouldn't a very hungry man have 
a good time eating that clock ? 



500 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



THE SONG OF HIAWATHA. 

Latest Version, 



IN TWO PARTS-PART II. 




1. 
Unole Samuel made the treaty — 
Made the treaty — the Jug-handle — 
Signed it for himself and Injun, 
Gave the Idjun showers of bullets 
And three pints of beads to take it. 



How those promises were broken! 
How the Agents robbed the Injun, 
Stole his clothing and his money, 
Shot his game and sold his rations, 
Starved to death his squaw and pappoose. 




3. 

Driven from his home, the Red Man 
Met the miners iu the gulches, 
And the Miners preached a sermon, 
"With their bowie and revolver — 
Preached complete extermination. 



Thus the Red Men were diminished 
'Till but one was left a living. 
And they set him on a platform 
As a curious sight, and people 
Moseyed miles and. miles to sea him. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



501 




Suspended animation occurs in plants as 
in animals — but never in whisky. 

Strong minded men always succeed — in 
spending their money when they try. 

Lucifer matches and pedestrian matches 
that are not amongst the class that are made 
in heaven. 

"Floating theatres" are the latest Eastern 
novelty — money is a very good thing to float 
a theatre in. 

Somebody wants to prohibit minors from 
attending the theatre. Why not include 
miners and crochets ? 

"Trade in the levant" was how be headed 
an article. Next day he levanted with §20,000 
and his neighbor's wife. 

There are some men in this country who 
can't stump their toe on an uneven sidewalk 
without using bad language. 

' 'A Jumping Sheet for Fires" is the name 
of a new invention. A "Jumping Sheet" 
must be a very peculiar thing. 

In fashionable circles water bouquets are 
used to decorate the dinner-tables — water 
buckets are not so fashionable. 

The paragraphers on Langley's Directory 
should get good pay — out of twelve months 
they only have work for about two months. 

A little boy returning from Sunday school 
said to his mother, "Ma ain't there kitten- 
chism for little boys? Catechism is too hard. 

Beticence is a valuable power — if you have 
observed your neighbor at Madame ' Renz's 
minstrels do not tell his wife so as she in turn 
might tell yours. 

It seems strange that after all the investi- 
gation the country is left in doubt as to 
whether the original cipher telegrams were 
written with a quill pen. 

A contemporary heads an article: "How 
to Discover Wealth." Simplest thing in the 
world, dear boy. Look in the dictionary 
under the letter "W." 

It is proposed to petition the Board of Su- 
pervisors to forbid the ringing of church 
bells. They disturb many people who do 
not believe in churches. 

A man may be a first-class artist, and yet 
not be able to draw a bill. On the other 
hand a nurse girl may not be able to handle 
a crayon, and yet be able to draw a Bill — her 
master's son. 



It takes a Japanese girl thirteen hours to 
dress for a party. A South Sea Island maid- 
en can make her toilet in much less time, 
and, we should imagine, so could a Canadian 
girl — dressed according to court orders. 

A Scotch parson said recently, somewat 
sarcastically, of a toper, that he put an enemy 
into his mouth to steal away his brains, but 
that the enemy after a thorough and pro- 
tracted search, returned without anything. 

A Pennsylvania editor has just had to pay 
§1000 for having dumaged a man's character. 
Such things never occur in California — 
whether this is because that no Californian 
has a thousand dollars worth of character, or 
because no California editor is capablo of 
doing so much damage, has not transpired. 

"Your husband will be coming home tired 
and cold," said a prudent lady, who was en- 
tertaining a neighbor one cold night last 
week ; "had you not better run in and look 
at your fire a minute?" "Oh, I'll make it 
hot enough for him if he don't bring me the 
new hat I selected on Sixth street yesterday. 
I ain't the bride of a month, like you," was 
the brisk reply. 

Socrates called beauty a short-lived tyr- 
anny ; Plato, privilege if natural; Theophas- 
tus, a silent cheat; Theocritus, a delightful 
prejudice; Carneadus, a solitary kingdom; 
Domitian said that beauty was better than 
all the letters of recommedation in the world; 
Homer, that 'twas a glorious gift of nature ; 
and Ovid calls it a favor bestowed by angelB. 
But then they did not understand anything 
about false teeth, curls, calves, etc. 



How to Become an Angel. 

An angel I surely must be, 

Should my friend be not making a joke; 
If I only invite them to tea, 

They say " 'twas an angel that spoke." 

If I say, "boys, come have a cigar, 

And take an agreeable smoke," 
They all hurry up from the bar, 

Crying out, " 'twas an angel that spoke." 

If I then say, "come back to our grog, 
I can't stand this horrible smoke," 

Then up jumps each thirsty young dog 
And shouts, " 'twas an angel that spoke." 

If I offer my friend, playing pool — 
When the poor fellow's very near broke — 

The loan of a pound (like a fool) 

He responds, " 'twas an angel that spoke." 

If I offer my wife a new dress, 

Although Bhe has just got a cloak, 
What her answer may be you may guess — 

"My dear — 'twas an angel that spoke." 

If I offer my humble relation— 

Who Littleton studies and Coke — 
A run in the nest long vacation, 

Of course, " 'twas an angel that spoke." 

Then if you just run in my groove, 
(I'm not goin' to preach or to croak,) 

Every generous offer will prove 
When you speak — " 'Twas an angel that spoke.' 



Seldom at Home. 



When the peddler rang Mr. Bird's door 
bell, the other day, Mr. Bird himself opened 
the door. Mr. Bird had the baby in his arm 
and there were four other children at his 



"Is the lady of the house in?" asked the 
peddler. 

"Certainly she isn't!" replied Mr. Bird. 
"She is out. She is perennially and eternally 
out!" 

"Where can I see her?" 

"Why, go down to the Woman Suffrage 
Club rooms, and if she is not there, go to 
the society for the prevention of cruelty to 
animals, and if she has left there, visit the 
hall of the association for alleviating the mis- 
eries of the Senegambians, and if she has fin- 
ished up there look for her at the 9th Ward 
Soup house or at the home of the one-legged 
or at the refuge for infirm dogs, or at the 
hospital for the asthmatic, or at the St. Poly- 
carp Orphan Asylym, or at some of those 
places. If you get on her trail you'll see 
more paupers and strong-minded women, 
and underclothing for the heathen than you 
ever saw before in the whole course of your 
life." 

"I want to sell her a cool handle flat iron, 
just out. Do you think she will buy one 1" 

"She will if you can prove that the naked 
cannibals in Senigambia are yeajning for 
cool handle flat irons. She would buy dia- 
mond breastpins for those niggers if they 
wanted them, I believe." 

"I intended also to offer her a new kind of 
immovable hair pin, which — 

"All right. You just go down to the home 
for the one-legged, and persuade those crip- 
ples to cry for immovable hairpins, and she'll 
order 'em by the ton." 

"Has she any children ?" 

"Well, I'm the one that appears to have 
'em just now, anyhow." 

"Because I have a gum top for a feeding 
ing bottle; this is the nicest thing you ever 
saw." 

"Now," said Mr. Bird, "I'll tell you what 
to do. Tou get those paupers to swear they 
can't eat the soup they get at the soup house 
with spoons, but they must have it from a 
bottle with a rubber nozzle, and Mrs. Bird 
will keep you so busy supplying the demand 
that you won't have a chance to sleep. Tou 
just try it. Buy up the paupers! Bribe 
them!" 

How'll I know her if I see her 1" 

"Ohy, she's a large woman with a bent 
nose, and she talks all the time. 'You'll hear 
her talking as soon as you get within a mile 
of her. She'll ask you to subscribe to the 
Senegambian fund, and to the Asthmatic 
Asylum before you can get your breath. 
Probably she will read you four or five let- 
ters from reformed cannibals. But don't you 
mind 'em. My opinion is she wrote 'em her- 
self." 

"Shall I tell her you told me to call ?" 

"It don't make any difference. But you 
might mention that since she left home the 
baby has had four fits, Johnny has fallen out 
of the pear tree and cracked his skull, Mary 
and Jim have something like croup, and 
Tommy has been bitten by Jones' dog. It 
won't excite her; she won't care a cent; but 
I'd like her to have the latest news. Tell 
her if she could manage to drop in here for 
a minute between now and the Fourth of 
July she might maybe wash the baby and 
give the other children a chance to remember 
how she looks. But she needn't come if it 
will interfere with the happiness of the one- 
legged mendicants or make her asthmatic 
patients miserable. Mind and mention it to 
ner now, will you ?" 

"I will." 

"All right then. I'll go and put some 
fresh sticking-plaster on Johnny's skull." 

And with the baby singing a vociferous 
solo, and the other children clinging to his 
legs, Mr. Bird retreated and shut the door. 
The peddler had determined to propose to a 
girl that night. He changed his mind, and 
resolved to remain a bachelor. — Norr. Herald. 



502 



THE ILLUSTEATED WASP. 



More Bitter than Death. 



CHAPTER VII.— Continued. 

THE rejoicings over the birth of the 
heir to Eainewold were maftiy and great. Gla 
dys could hear the chiming of the bells, the 
constant roll of carriages — it seemed as though all 
the county were calling to congratulate the Earl. 
She saw costly preparations made for the little heir, 
and her heart turned to the child who had been born 
in poverty and sold for gold. 

It was not that she loved this little one less, but 
Leo more. Leo had been all her own — he had slept 
all night in her arms — he had been with her all day. 
He was Leo Hartland, with his mother's love for his 
dowry, and little beyond — this was the heir to an- 
cient titles and vast fortunes. This child had every 
luxury that could be crowded into baby-life — Leo had 
belonged to her, and her alone— he was her sole pos- 
session, her crown of joy, her wondrous treasure, 
her own to love as she would. This child belonged 
to the stately Earl, the proud Lauraines, the vast 
estate, the wealth and magnificence of her new life; 
she could not do what she would with him. She 
could not love him as she would; he seemed to be- 
longed to belong to every one as much as to herself. 
Trained nurses, clever self-reliant women, took him 
in hand. He must not sleep in his mother's arms; 
he must not remain in her ladyship's room — they 
knew what was best for him. So in some measure 
he was taken out of her hands. 
- During the many hours of convalescence, how she 
longed for a look at the face of her boy — longed un- 
til her whole soul was sick with longing, her lips 
worn with prayer! 

There was one heart filled with deadly hatred 
against her. Albert Lauraine could not forgive her 
now; she had offended him forever. She had given 
the Earl an heir to the estates, and his place would 
know him no more. He had lost his chance of be- 
ing Earl of Lauraine, and he hated the beautiful wo- 
man through whom he had lost it. He had but 
one desire; it was vengeance against her in one shape 
or another — he did not care what. He would have 
been pleased with any disgrace that would have re- 
moved, her from her high station. Outwardly he was 
kind, deferential, and attentive; inwardly, he hated 
her with a deadly hate. 

"When the little heir of Eainewold was three 
months old, there was a grand christening party 
given at Eainewold. The boy had a royal duchess 
for his godmother; the festivities were almost end 
less — so great was the Earl's delight. The saddest 
face to be seen was that of the young mother, who 
thought so much of her other child while she listened 
to the solemn words of the service. 

Lord Lauraine would not read the pathetic en- 
treaty of his wife's eyes when he bent over the child 
— he would not understand the pathos of her voice 
when she told him how mothers love their children 
— he would not see that, despite her love for him, 
despite the babe that lay in her arms, she was pin- 
ing for a glimpse of the child that he detested. 

She wondered with a vague, pained wonder, if he 
would grow jealous of this child. He was with her 
one day when the stately head-nurse brought in the 
child, and her ladyship was allowed to take posses- 
sion of him for half an hour. She did not caress 
him, but laid him by her side on a couoh. 

"Have you no kisses to spare for the baby?" Lord 
Lauraine asked laughingly. 
She looked at him. 

"I did not think you liked me to love any one or 
anything but yourself," she replied. 

"My darling Gladys, I am not jealous of my own 
child," he said, with a smile. 

"No," she answered with a bitter smile — "ouly 
mine— Heaven help me, only of mine!" 

She could not have helped that one most bitter 
cry had her life been the forfeit. He turned from 
her without a word, and left the room. 

CHAPTER VIII. 

The little heir thrived and grew. It was a strange 
fatality that he should be like little Leo; but he was 
Both had the mother's beautiful brow, rounded at 
the temples, with the blue veins showing under the 
white skin — both had the same golden-brown hair 
and sweet mouth. When Lady Lauraine looked on 
Vere, she saw Leo; and when he was two years old, 
the age at which she had lost Leo, the bitterness of 
her anguish was almost more than she could bear. 

She had made a vow to herself, after the last scene 
with her husband, that nothing should induce her to 
refer to the child again, because for many days 
afterwards Philip had not spoken to her, except for 
the ordinary civilities of the table and the household. 
She loved him very dearly, and she found his silence 
very hard to bear. It was a terrible thing to her 
that she could have the love of both husband and 
child 

She had borne her loss well until Vere had reached 



the age at which she had lost Leo, and then Gladys' 
anguish became intolerable. Vere's voice when he 
cried "Mamma" was so iike Leo's; the way in which 
he kissed her and caressed her, the little clinging 
hands, the pattering of the tiny footsteps, the silvery 
laughter, the childish babble — all brought her de- 
serted child so forcibly to her mind that her life was 
a misery to her. 

While the Earl's heir was pampered and fondled, 
cradled in luxury, loved and worshipped, where was 
he? She had full faith in the Earl's honor. She 
felt sure that her boy was well cared for, well fed, 
well clothed; but who fondled him — whose hands 
held his at night when he said his simple prayers she 
had taught him — whose face bent over him when he 
woke at night frightened or ill — who kissed him in 
his childish troubles? Her heart yearned for him — 
she called his name aloud — she cried to Heaven to 
forgive her sin and give her back her back her little 
child. 

Those who talked to her found her absent in mind 
and little dreamed that her heart was pleading with 
Heaven that she might once more have her child. 
The subject was never mentioned now between hus- 
band and wife. He loved her with the same passion- 
ate love, but it never ence entered his mind to relent 
and give her back her child. So time wore on, the 
Earl's love for his fair wife deepening meanwhile. 

The passionate intensity of Gladys' desire to be- 
hold her child grew too strong to be borne. At last 
she felt that it would drive her mad or kill her. It 
was useless to ask her husband about Leo; he would 
give her no information. She must if possible find 
out all for herself. Surely amongst his papers there 
must be a memorandum of where he had sent the 
child — there must be a note of money paid, or some- 
thing of the kind. There could be no harm in look- 
ing through Philip's papers — he was her husband — 
he would have no secret save this on6, from her. 
All his papers were kept in the library; and just now 
his secretary, Mr. Dunmore, was away. The keys 
of the various drawers and safes were often left lying 
on the table; she must trust to chance, and some 
day, when Philip had gone out, she would look 
amongst his papers and see if there was no memo- 
randum or note which would give her a clue to as 
where her child was. 

If she found such clue, she would start at once, 
regardless of consequences, and see him. If the 
Earl found her out, she would sudmit to whatever 
punishment he chose to inflict. But she must see 
her child — the very strings of her heart seemed to 
draw her to him. She must see him or she would 
die. 

She had waited some days before an opportunity 
presented itself to her to search the library. One 
morning the Earl came to her and said — 

"I am going to drive over to Hilston, Gladys; will 
you come with me? I shall be away the greater part 
of the day." 

Her heart beat quickly; this was her opportunity 
— she must embrace it. She thanked him, but de- 
clined — the morning was warm and she was not in- 
clined to leave the house. He always admired her 
imperious ways, and never admired her more or liked 
her better than when she asserted her own will. He 
touched her fair hair caressingly with his hand. 

"I thought that you always liked going out with 
me, Gladys. : ' 

"So I do; but I have something important to at- 
tend to this morning, Philip, and I am not inclined 
to leave the house." 

"You are quite sure that it is not because you love 
me less?" he asked. 

To herself she thought, "No, but it is because I 
love my Leo more;" aloud she said, "I shall never 
love you less, Philip." 

"Could you ever love me more?" 
And again the sweet sad eyes raised to his told 
their story — how she would love him a thousand 
times more if he would give her back her child. 

He read the thought in her eyes. Bending down, 
he kissed her lips and went away without a word. 
That hardened her purpose; if she had felt any 
scruples before, she had none now. The man who 
could expect her so entirely to forget her child could 
not be surprised if she tried to find out what he so 
resolutely kept from her. 

Yet she did not like her self-imposed task when 
she reached the library. The keys lay upon the table 
and there was no one in the room. She believed 
herself to be alone in that part of the house. She 
had forgotten that Albert had not gone with the 
Earl. 

She did not like her task; there was something 
about it not quite honorable; yet it was the only way 
in which she could find news of Leo. She took up 
the keys and opened drawer after drawer. Her beau- 
tiful face, with its intent look, was bent over the 
over the papers; she examined them carefully, 
looked at them keenly. But she saw no note, mem- 
orandum, nothing concerning her child. 

Then she went to the desk, with its many com- 
partments. It was the same thing there— not one of 
the folded papers contained any news of little Leo. 
He* eyes grew dim with tears as she gazed. 



She was so intent on her task that she did not 
perceive the door open. She did not know that any 
one had enter the room until a shadow fell over the 
open desk; and, looking up, she saw the evil face of 
Albert Lauraine gazing steadfastly at her. 

"I am relieved to find it is you, Lady Lauraine," 
he said. "I know the Earl does not like any one to 
enter his library or examine his papers, and I was 
really afraid that it was a burglar." 

He saw the beautiful face Grow deadly white, and 
though ha could not even guess why she was there, 
still, from her distress and ecnfusion, he felt sure 
that it was for some purpose unknown to anyone but 
herself. 

"Are you looking for the Earl's will?" he asked in 
a tone of indescribable insolence. "When ladies 
institute such a rigorous search as this amongst their 
husbands' papers, it is generally supposed that some 
interest of their own is at stake." 

"I have.muchto concern besides my husband's 
will, Mr. Lauraine," she answered. "But if that 
were made, it would have no interest for me." 

"Can I help you in your search for what is lost?" 
he continued. "I wonder that anything should be 
lost — the Earl's secretary is a most orderly man." 

"I am the Earl's secretary just now, and in that 
capacity must ask Mr. Lauraine not to interrupt me 
at my work." 

He bowed and left her; but he was delighted about 
that chance interview. 

'She is in my power now," he said to himself — 
"this is the thin one of tho wedge. I shall use my 
'knowledge when the opportunity arrives." 

She continued her search until it seemed to her 
that she had looked over every paper in the library 
but there was no mention of her child; no paper 
on which his dear name was written. 

Then the dressing bell rang. She gave up her 
task in despair; there was no use in further search; 
all hope in discovering any trace of her lost child was 
ended. 

A dreadful despair came over her. In after years 
when these troubled days were like a dream to her, 
she wondered how she had lived through them. 
Sleep aud rest forsook her. She could think of noth- 
ing — nothing interested her. She grew thin and pale; 
she began to hope that her troubled life was ending. 
But the strength of her constitution asserted itself; 
she recovered in spite of herself. Still she was not 
the same; she realized that no love on earth can be 
so great as that which Heaven has implanted in a pa- 
rent's heart — the love of a mother for her child. 

CHAPTER IX. 

Lord Lauraine had intended Gpadys' boy to be 
kindly and carefully dealt with — he had meant him 
to be well brought up, to be educated for some pro- 
fession and started in life. The person in whose 
charge he had placed the boy, was a Mrs, Stonor. 
Mrs. Stonor was the daughter of Mrs. Marsden, who 
had been housekeeper for forty years at Eainewold 
during the lifetime of the late Earl. Her daughter 
Susan had married a respectable tradesman — a prin- 
ter — and had gone to a place called Skelton, in the 
North of England to live. 

Lord Lauraine had faith in Charles Stonor and his 
wife. He gave Leo into their hands, together with 
a sum of five thousand pounds. This was to be 
placed out at interest at five per cent., and would 
briDg in, the Earl calculated, an income of two hun- 
dred and fifty per annum. One hundred of this was 
to be paid to Susan for his board and lodging; the 
remainder was to be paid for his clothes and educa- 
tion. Then, when he reached the age of twenty-one 
the five thousand pounds were to be placed in his 
hands to do as he would with them. 

The Earl belied that he had done his best for the 
boy — that he had fenced him round with so many 
barriers that no harm could happen to him. He also 
gave orders that if anything happened to the boy a 
letter was to be sent to his London agents. He for- 
got one thing — he gave no instructions as to what 
was to be done if anything happened to the boy's 
gaurdians. 

Susan was very kind to Leo. In her own mind 
she believed that he was the Earl's son — that the 
Earl had married beneath him, and that the young 
mother was dead. To her that seemed the most 
probable explanation of the mystery. In her own 
mind she made quite a little romance out of it. She 
felt sure that she had guessed the truth when she 
heard of the marriage festivities at Eainewold. 

Of course, now that the Earl had a new wife — 
probably some fashionable lady — he would not care 
to be reminded of this child. How little Susan 
thought thaf he had married the child's own mother 
and that it was to part her from her son that that he 
had taken all these precautions! 

The years rolled on, Leo received the best educa- 
tion that could be given to him at Skelton. He had 
but one desire, and it was to be an artist. His world 
was one of beautiful forms and beautiful colors; it 
was useless to try to force him into trade or any 
other profession. Before he was seven years old his 
slender skilful fingers could take a pencil and sketch 
in a by no means inartistic fashion. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



503 



Charles Stonor the printer was a shrewd and in- 
telligent man. He saw that the boy was an artist by 
nature. 

"Better let him go his own way, Susan," he said 
to his wife. "If he is bound to paint pictures, he 
will paint them, no matter what we try to make of 
him." 

There was a school of art at Skelton, and Charles 
Stonor arranged for the boy to take lessons there. 
So Leo studied quite happily for many years; then, 
quite suddenly — without an hour's warning — Charles 
Stonor died. 

His friends missed him and mourned for him; but 
the widow, who was thought so staid and sensible, 
by some fatal error of judgment, allowed herself to 
be wooed by one of her husband's journeymen — 
Richard Bray, a man who, by some indiscreet reve- 
lation of Charles Stonor, knew of the five thousand 
pounds, and, what was still more, intended to have 
the money himself. 

To make the widow believe that he had some little 
property at Norwich and persuade her to marry him 
was but a preliminary step. He did not succeed all 
at once. Mrs. Stonor had been attached to her hus- 
band; but after a time she was willing — at Bray's 
suggestion — to sell the business at Skelton, and in- 
vest the money. 

There is no accounting for taste — no accounting 
for love — but it was certainly quite true that Mrs. 
Stonor was quite fascinated by the handsome, dissi- 
pated Richard Bray. She sold her business, went 
with him, and they lived in something like "style" 
for a few months; then the money was gone. 

The boy had deeply resented Mrs. Stonor's 
second marriage; he had been most unwilling to 
leave the school of art at Skelton; but Richard Bray 
had assured him that at Norwich he would have 
every facility for becoming a great artist. That com- 
forted Leo so much that he did not object to change 
his name from Stonor to Bray. 

From Norwich the Brays went to Rutland, and 
from Rutland to London. How Richard Bray con- 
trived to get possession of the five thousand pounds 
his wife never knew; it must have been by a series 
of audacious forgeries. And the knowledge that her 
wicked, worthless husband had defrauded the child 
so entrusted to her helped to kill her. She would 
have written to the Earl, but she dared not. She 
knew that he would punish her husband for his mis- 
deeds — she knew too that the punishment would be 
penal servitude. So she never wrote, and the Earl 
was ignorant even of Charles Stonor's death. 

For a few months there was a shameful scene of 
dissipation, during which the boy wandered about 
London, attracting attention by his handsome face, 
but quite unable to find any employment. He could 
get no money from Richard Bray — his wife did noth- 
ing but cry over him — and the end came with a sud- 
den crash. 

Mrs. Bray died, and was buried. She had always 
intended to write to the Earl, and tell him all that 
had happened, before she died; or she had thought 
that she would have time to send for a clergyman to 
whom she could confide her story. But death came 
suddenly — there was no time. She died, and was 
buried, without the boy's knowing aught of her real 
history. After her death, Richard Bray did not make 
much pretence of keeping up a home. He told the 
boy plainly that he must find a place of shelter for 
himself — that he could not keep him any longer. 
Leo looked afc him with an air of wonder. 
"I thought you had all my money? I heard my 
mother say so." 

"Your mother made a mistake. I have no money 
of yours, and you have no claim on me," answered 
Richard Bray sullenly. 

Then he grew alarmed. Who could say that this boy 
might not do? Itwas time he looked after himself. 
He took the remainder of the money — amounting to 
two thousand pounds — and made his way to America 
where in time he became a rich man; while Leo had 
to fight nis way in the great city of London as well 
as he coukl. There was a few things left. These 
he sold and lived — scantily enough — on the proceeds. 
He tried very hard to get employment, but could not 
He went round to many of the studios but his efforts 
were fruitless. The refined delicate face and shabby 
clothes did not go well together — people looked sus- 
piciously at him. 

He had spent his last shilling; he had not one 
farthing left, and he had been for a whole day with- 
out food, when a storm of rain drove him under the 
grand portico of one of the largest halls in London. 
A. concert was being held there that night, and one 
of the sweetest of English tenors had charmed all 
ears by his melodious, notes, the very air seemed to 
thrill with them. Then the carnages came up, and 
the gaily-dressed people entered them. No one no- 
ticed the tall slender figure leaning against one of 
the pillars — hungry, tired, cold and despairing. 
No one noticed Leo until the eminent tenor came out 
with one or two of his friends; his kindly eyes fell 
on the handsome wan face and droopiug figure — his 
generous heart glowed with warm pity. 

[to be continued."] 




E^No communication will be inserted unless the 
color of the writer's eye-brows, the date of his — or 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signed by the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nam de plume the writerdesires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarantee of Rood faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

Axron. — It does not follow that a man who 
is "drunk as a lord" is at all aristocratic in 
his manners. 

Windok. — We don't know what a Welsh 
wig is, but we do know that Welsh rabbit is 
very good to eat. 

Huron, — We never heard of a policeman 
striking a truculent prisoner with an idea, 
A club is generally the instrument they use. 

Ypsilanti. — It is not reckoned either polite 
or hospitable to ask a visitor at a private re- 
sidence to pay for the dinner he has just 
eaten. 

Crib. — We are not an authority on sport- 
ing matters but we would imagine that, in 
this free republic, you would have some dif- 
ficulty in holding five kings. 

Llorrac. — Your poem should be printed 
upon silk and sent to the Smithsonian Insti- 
tute. It is one of the most remarkable pro- 
ductions of the age. We take the first verse 
as a sample: 

"There once was a simple young sport 
With a lady began to consort; 

So they went everywhere, 

From the Cliff to the Fair 

And of times had the very best sort." 

The genius which is capable of rhyming 
"consort" with "sort" would not hesitate to 
rob its grandmother. But the man who 
rhymes "sport" with both of those words is 
surely on escaped jailbird or a lunatic. Then 
in the matter of metre, each one of the above 
lines has, it will be observed, a different 
quantity of syllables. ISTo two agree; this is 
a new departure in poesy and indicates that 
the writer is of an original turn of mind. 
In his last verse, however, he caps the cli- 
max by rhyming "cars," "ma's" and "mars" 
together. Llorrac is a true genius and should 
be encouraged. 

Joseph. — You have, impliedly, intimated 
that you are a scholar. Our own opinion is 
that you are; in fact, we entertain a vague 
impression that you are a ripe scholar — al- 
most ripe enough to pluck, But, until you 
attain a more substantial reputation, your 
manufacturing of new words is liable to be 
taken for ignorance — an ignorance which 
however excusable on the part of a "dunce" 



is inexcusable on the part of a scholar. For 
example when you write "dilletante" people 
are apt to imagine that you were trying to 
write "dilettanti." Again when you write 
"bonhommie" ill-natured people are apt to 
imagine that you got "bonhomie" and "bon- 
homme" somewhat mixed and that your 
knowledge of the significance of the two 
words is somewhat limited. We, however, 
who know of your vast educational acquire- 
ments know that in writing thus you are 
merely putting aside those absurd old "or- 
thographical superstitions" which have for 
many years held mankind in bondage; that 
you are of a verity a modern Webster. You 
should be encouraged Joseph, you are a 
young man of great promise. No intelligent 
person will for one moment doubt that you 
enjoy a monopoly of all the erudition in the 
country, and that if you were to die, or im- 
migrate to Kern County or somewhere, litera- 
ture would probably come to an untimely 
end. 



My Lady. 

It is my lady's whim to-night 

To talk of art and letters; 
And so I come to dine and chat, 

And wear my lady's fetters. 

.My lady's mouth takes dainty curves, 

"With dainty bits of salad. 
I watch her face — then quote a line 

From some old love sick ballad. 

My lady sends a silvery laugh 

Across the inlaid table. 
"Why can't you speak the truth?" she asks, 

"You always talk in fable." 

I sigh, and swear, no poet's song 

Can fitly sing her praises; 
While Cupid draws me slyly on 

To love's bewildering mazes. 

I try to study rare faience, 

And talk of Dresden china. 
I praise my lady's solitaire, 

But add, "Your eyes are finer." 

My lady lifts her perfumed fan; 

Her red lips touch it lightly — 
She waves a kiss across the board — 

Then smiling, blushes brightly. 

The warm blood courses through my veins, 

My lady seldom blushas. 
I curse myself — my poverty — 

My pencils and my brushes. 

A shadow veils my lady's face; 

The flickering light grows duller. 
I note my lady's graceful pose — 

She wears my favorite color. 

The flowers I love are at her throat, 

(Oh, sweet, alluring folly,) 
She'll dine "my lord" to-morrow night, 

And wear his English holly. 

A nameless anguish gnaws my heart; 

I vow I'll cross the water, 
I'll cut this aimless, hot-house life, 

And wed some miner's daughter. 

My lady's in a thoughtful mood; 

I speak of what I'm planning. 
I cannot see my lady's face 

So constantly she's fanning. 

I take the fan from out her hand, 

A smouldering ember flashes; 
What! is my lady white and sad? 

Are tear drops on her lashes? 



1 

<5> 







506 



THE ILLUSTRATED 'W'AtoJr. 




Tlie Very Freshe.st Ajiierican Elnmor. 

An Irish joke is sometimes a Dublintendre. 
—N. Y. Herald. 

The cheapest light — Phosphore-cent. — 
Boston Bulletin. 

Spare ribs — the sealed wives of Ut^,h. — 
Chicago Journal. 

Birds are not noted for courage, but many 
of them die game. 

Is' the leopard the lion's skin, or only his 
pard ? — N. Y. Graphic. 

"May Myrtle": No; base ball is not wo- 
man's sphere. — XJlica Observer. 

Is it right to condemn a remark because 
we think it trite ? — Boston Transcript. 

A sermon is like a railroad; the longer it is 
the more sleepers there are. — Ex. 

The waters very often get angry and then 
you see the waters pout. — Whitehall Time'.. 

"But soft!" as Hamlet said to the goat. 
"Hold! Enough!" is what the toper cannot 
do.— iv". Y. Mail. 

The pancake is like the orb of the daj T , be- 
cause it rises in the yeast and sets in the 
vest. — Borne Sentinel. 

A Detroit milkman delivers "milk right 
from the cow" by putting a hot brick in each 
can. — Detroit Free Press. 

How is it that the thermometer runs so low 
in Canada? We thought it was always Ottawa 
up there. — Boston Transcript. 

The men most liable to chip off the front- 
ispiece of your Adam's apple is the chap who 
advertises himself a "tonsorial artist." — Ex. 

A writer says Lord Beacon sSeld ia the 
chief lever in English politios. Of course; 
isn't he the pry-minister '? — Ova. Saturday 
Night. 

The seasick lady refused the steward's in- 
vitation for dinner and called for the cham- 
bermaid instead. A case of basin gratitude. 
—Puck. 

If Mr. Tilden concludes to disinherit Ne- 
phew Pelton and make us his heir he'll 
please not write his will in cipher. — Phila. 
Chronicle. 



The Dodge famile are to have a convention 
in July. If dinner is their little dodge they 
will doubtless dine on Veniee-on. — A r . Y. 
Com. Adv. 

Polygamy is a misnomer, for if Polly was 
really gamey she would never consent to 
share with a half a dozen other wives. — 
Court Journal. 

The only thing that troubles Edison now 
is the corrosion of his platinum points. Per- 
haps a porous plaster, or a little chamomile 



tea, or something of that kind, might relieve 
him. — N. Y. Com. Adv. 

"Yes, I'm a good dancer," said the barber, 
as he sheared off the blonde locks of a cus- 
tomer. "See me clip the light fantastic tow." 
— Syracuse Times. 

The wisest man we ever knew was a Jew 
who remarked: "I fells vat it ish, young 
man, I buys mine egsberienee vresh ef'ry 
day." — Baltimore Every Saturday. 

"When Tom Thumb was "seriously indis- 
posed" some time ago, he made a wager that 
he would soon be all right again. In fact, 
he was even then a little better. — N. Y. 
News. 

A jilted lover hearing the girl laugh after 
the event in which his heart was splintered 
into a thousand fragments called the cachin- 
nation the jingling of a slay-belle. — Fond du 
Lac Reporter. 

A little boy tumbled into a barrel of mo- 
lasses. He was fished out by a gentleman 
who said: "Boy, what is your name, and how 
do you feel ?" The lad's reply was: "Short 
and sweet." — Ex. 

A late attache of a Philadelphia theatre 
bequeathed his head to the house to be used 
as the skull in "Hamlet," and yet there are 
people who deny that the American stage is 
getting ahead. — N. Y. Herald. 

A lady complained bitterly the other day 
that she received her notice to quit from the 
music committee on a half-sheet of note pa- 
per, when she was rated as one-fourth of the 
choir. Fact! — Phila. Bulletin. 

"Can you ride backwards without any in- 
convenience ?" a traveling man asked his 
companion as he turned the seat. "I ought 
to," his colleague muttered gloomily, "I've 
traveled that way all my life." — Hawkeye. 

A Carmel school teacher being offended by 
the action of a young woman pupil proceeds 
through the village paper to call an "ass." 
This shows what education and a free and 
enlightened press will accomplish. — Banbury 
News. 

Miss Lillie Devereaux Blake, according to 
an exchange, says she doesn't believe para- 
graphers pay attention enough to women. 
Exactly, Lillie. We've noticed the same 
thing ourselves — in married men. — N. Y. Ex- 
press. 

Where is that jack-plane, Lutressa? asked 
Jobbins, as he rushed in the kitchen with a 
shaving clinging to every square inch of ex- 
terior territory. "Well, I guess you'll find 
Jack playin' around the chicken coop," was 
the reply. — Yonkers Gazette. 

The reason why "Rebecca at the Well" 
sells such thin lemonade at the church "ba- 
zar," is on account of a strong desire to fol- 
low somewhat closely the Scripture damsel's 
example. The "Rebecca" of old dispensed 
with lemons altogether. — New Haven Regis- 
ter. 



a poker-room, or hold some other equally 
honorable and lucrative position. — Elmira 
Gazette. 

The country doesn't need postal savings 
banks so much as it wants a kind of an at- 
tachment to the general delivery window that 
will explain why a man gets billiard chalk on 
his coat and the smell of crackers on his 
breath when "he just steps down to the post 
office." — Ex. 

A lapstreak — When she thought she heard 
"papa" coming. — Where they upset things 
— In a ten pin alley. Always in order af- 
ter borrowing money — Adiew Bill. The 

man who was down on profanity — well, you 
ought to have heard him when he was down 
on ice. — Boston Traveller. 

They were discussing a new name for the 
baby, when he suddenly said: "Why not call 
her Cider ?" His better-half looked at him 
reproachfully as she gasped, "Wha! call my 
'ittle precious darling such a horrid name!" 
"Certainly," he replied, "for you know she's 
our's. " — Hackensack Republican . 

O. W. Holmes says "the true girl has to 
be sought for." Exactly, and the good-for- 
nothing young scamp who sponges his way 
through the world, too often does the seek- 
ing, and gets the girl who ought to be mar- 
ried to the young man of sense who has no 
time or inclination to hunt her up. — Turners 
Falls Reporter. 

So many people are shot, where the doc- 
tors are unable to find the ball, that it is sug- 
gested that a thread be attached to bullets, 
with a spool in the rear of a cylinder of the 
revolver, so that the doctor can take hold of 
the thread and pull the bullet out. Many 
valuable lives would be saved that way. — 
Peck's Milwaukee Sun. 



She stands at the window casement, watch- 
ing the snowflakes fall, stands there rapt in 
reflection, wondering who will call; stands 
there noting the throng below, with an ex- 
pectant air; she keeps a female barber shop, 
and grieves over a vacant chair. — Utica Ob- 
server. 

Parents, don't insist upon your son learn- 
ing a trade. Let him idle away Ms time 
while young, and then when he gets big 
enough he will make a good game-keeper in 



The Course of True Loye Never Did 
Run Smooth. 

Many singular scenes are enacted in this 
city by silly young men who imagine that 
they are in love with some pretty girl, to 
whom they have never even had an introduc- 
tion; but the palm for impudence and poor 
judgment must be awarded to a young man 
who rode, down t?wn on a Baker street car 
yesterday afternoon. For several months 
the young man, who goes to and from his 
meals about the same hours with a young 
lady who lives in the western part of the city 
and is employed in a leading jewelry store, 
has stared at her, smiled at her, and in every 
way possible endeavored to attract her atten- 
tion. By some means he learned her name, 
and yesterday when she entered the car he 
bowed to her as soon as she was seated, took 
a seat beside her, saying: "Miss Blank, I 
think we have seen enough of each other to 
be better acquainted." 

Surprised at his assurance, but with ready 
wit, the young lady replied sharply: "Cer- 
tainly I have seen enough of you." 

Not at all abashed by the retort or the 
presence of half a dozen other passengers, 
he continued: "But, my dear Miss Blank, 
the admiration of a gentleman " 

She interrupted him with: "Show that you 
are a gentleman by not troubling me any 
further," and changed her seat in the car. 
The discomfited ninny kept his position in 
silence for a time, but at last the broadly 
smiling faces of the other passengers proved 
too much for his nerves and he hastily made 
his exit from the car. — Detroit Free Press. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



507 




— The King of Sweden wears stockings 
which cost ninety cents per pair. 

— Ewald claims to have been born in Ger- 
many — that should be sufficient to bring on 
war. 

— A man who waives an examination may 
not be as plucky as one who waves a red 
handkerchief at a bull. 

— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 

— An Atlanta girl of twelve has published 
a volume of poems. She commenced writing 
them when she was seven. 

— And now comes Benjamin F. Butler and 
declares that Tilden was elected. "Which 
road is that brick supposed to travel ? 

— Two Georgians married each others 
daughters and editors are getting bald solv- 
ing the question of their relationship. 

— By the way, does it not seem a trifle 
strange that United States Revenue officers 
should require to act as clandestine robbers 
and remove property seized for taxes to a 
place of ''secrecy?" 

— The greatest difficulty has for years past 
been experienced in getting the legitimate 
term of Congress to last sufficiently long 
to enable it to pass the appropriation. 
Would it not be better to start in upon 
it a little sooner ? 

— A remarkable case of a lady eighty-five 
years old, is attracting the attention of the 
medical men and the accouchers of this city 
and surrounding country. It is said to be 
the most remarkable case on record, and we 
are told without a precedent. The husband 
of the lady who is attracting so much atten- 
tion, is about the same age as herself. They 
have four or five children, all of whem are 
grown, and the youngest possibly forty or 
fifty years old. 

— About half-past two o'clock on Tuesday 
morning last a burglar started from South 
Beach to rob a house at North Beach; he had 
only got as far as the corner of Market and 
Fourth on his road to such house when its 
owner woke up and put a pistol and club in 
his vest pocket. Seeing that everything was 
ready for his reception the cowardly thief 
desisted from his vilanous enterprise and in- 
stead thereof "struck" a pedestrian for two 
bits and got tight in the nearest five cent 



beer house. (A local item which may be read 
every day in the morning papers.) 

— Beecher says punishment in after life is 
not eternal, and Bob Ingersoll says there is 
none at all. Once we admired these doc- 
trines; now we strongly oppose them. There 
must be a place where incompetent musicians 
— who persist in inflicting their fiendish 
strains upon others — receive punishment. 
Girls who trifled with men's hearts are there, 
and are compelled through all eternity to 
play upon an organ surrounded by young 
men with high collars and infant whiskers, 
who murder the music and tremble at the 
sound of each other's voices. The organs 
and players are too numerous to mention. 
They are above, below, on all sides, and all 
surrounded by young men whose voices, in 
this world, made night hideous. The awful 
sounds ring and echo from morning till 
night, day after day and never cease. The 
murderers rave in agony there, the poets 
howl, the paragraphers swear; and through- 
out that dreadful abode of the lost are weep- 
ing, wailing and gnashing of teeth. 



His Grandmother. 



"bones," murmured: "Hush, be careful; the 
Cliffords, from Boston, are he-ah." At first 
the audience did not understand the joke, 
but when it was repeated, the annoyanee of 
the party alluded to became so manifest that 
peals of laughter shook the huuse. At the 
third or fourth repetition, "the Cliffords" 
could stand it no longer and indignantly left 
the hall. 



The Cabul traders appear to be great ele- 
phant-dealers, and conduct their purchases 
by slow marches to the place of destination, 
travelling as far as Eastern Bengal, Burmah, 
and even Siam, and perhaps occupying more 
than a year on the road. One patriarchal 
old Cabuli merchant was very anxious to pur- 
chase one of Mr. Sanderson's — the head of 
the well-known Indian elephant-catching 
establishment — newly caught elephants in 
Chittagong. . Seeing the old fellow's mani- 
fest anxiety to obtain a beast, Mr. Sanderson 
kindly put a low price on one of the best- 
looking females in the stable. The dealer 
examined her with attention, and then turned 
away with a sigh. Was the price too high? 
"No, it is not that," he said, adding, with a 
burst of feeling rare in a native, "The sight 
of that elephant makes me think of my poor 
old grandmother!" But he soon added ex- 
pletively, "What an elephant that would 
have been for her!" 



How $5,000 was Found in Tree. 
A treasure up a tree was seen in the watches 
of a night by a peddler, who was sleeping in 
a farmhouse in the Shenandoah Valley. He 
told his dream to the farmer next morning, 
and on three successive nights he had the 
same vision. Then he prevailed on the far- 
mer to accompany him to the forest, where 
he pointed out a large oak tree as the one he 
had seen in his dream. It was apparently 
sound at the butt, but about twenty feet up 
a limb had been broken off. The farmer did 
not feel like humoring what he supposed to 
be a superstitious whim, but the old fellow 
seemed to have confidence in his vision, and 
offered him one-half the spoils if he would 
help him cut down the tree. When the tree 
fell there was a rattle of coin near where the 
limb had been broken off, and a small hol- 
low was found there. By a little chopping a 
larger cavity was found, and within a mass 
of silver. Both seemed wild with delight, 
and on counting up found that the pile 
amounted to $5,000. The peddler expressed 
his unwillingness to carry around so much 
silver in his pocket, and inquired where he 
would be likely to get greenbacks for his 
share. The farmer, having considerable 
money in his house, immediately transferred 
to the peddler $2,500 in paper money and 
took charge of the entire lot of silver. The 
peddler disappeared, and when his partner 
attempted to pass some of the silver, lo! it 
was counterfeit. He was the victim of a 
gang of coiners. 



An Old Story Re-set. 
The mishap which befell a party from Bos- 
ton last week in Philadelphia has caused 
much merriment in that city as well as in 
New York, where the unfortunates are quite 
well known. Among the round of entertain- 
ments provided for the visitors by their 
friends was an evening at the minstrels. The 
young relative who bought the tickets in the 
morning, asked the ticket-seller whether 
there would be any "coarse jokes" or "im- 
proper allusions" during the performance. 
He simply asked, because "the Cliffords, 
from Boston, were coming." (The name is 
fictitious, but the story is true.) He was in- 
formed that "hardly ever" was there any- 
thing out of the way at the abode of mins- 
trelsy. The evening came; a large audience 
filled the house; the overture was played, 
and one of the "endmen" approached his 
first joke. Suddenly, up rose the rest of the 
band, and motioning excitedly to the 



BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Maguire Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

Third and Last Week of 
BAELOW, WILSON, PEIMEOSE & WEST'S 

MINSTRELS. 

SATURDAY, Matinee at 2 o'clock. 



ANNOUNCEMENT. 

The Management has great pleasure in announc- 
ing the engagement of 

ROSE EYTIKGE 

Who will appear for the first time in this Thea- 
tre on 
MONDAY MAECH 10th 

In her New Play, expressly written for her 
by CHAELES EEADE, Esq., 

THE MINER'S DAUGHTER 

Supported by the whole of the GEEAT LEGITI- 
MATE COMPANY. 



GRAND OPERA HOUSE. 

During the LENTEN SEASON will be rendered with 

all due solemnity and fidelity to historical 

facts, 

THE PASSION, 

Written by Salmi Morse, Esq. 
SATUEDAY, Matinee at 2 o'clock. 



508 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




The principal point of interest in theatri- 
cal matters during the past week has been 
the discussion arising out of the proposed 
production of the "Passion Play" 

At the Grand Opera House 
Exactly what there is objectionable in such 
a representation has not yet transpired. 
Goody-goody people have in a general and 
holy-horror sort of way protested against it. 
They may be right and the production of 
such a play wrong — but for all that we would 
like to hear their reasons. At one thing we 
are intensely pleased and that is that the 
management had sufficient back-bone to 
place religious impertinence at defiance and 
to produce the play. From a dramatic stand- 
point the piece is well written, elaborately 
mounted and carefully played. 

At Baldwin's 
The minstrel troupe still continues to hold 
the boards with occasional changes of pro- 
gramme. 

At the California 

A feeble effort has been made to present 

"Mother and Son." The play was too much 

for the players. 

1 » i — 

At the Bush Street Theatre 

Eliza "Weathersby's constellation of first-class 

comets still continue to keep the footlights 

eclipsed. 

At the Standard 
Madame Eentz and Miss Mabel Stanley con- 
tinue to give performances which offend no 
person's religious views. 



At the Board of Supervisors 
A most remarkable and non descript perfor- 
mance is given every week. 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
"What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Planles to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Cues. 
Ada Cavendish is playing to crowds in 
Chicago. 

Maze Edwards, theatricat agent, was mar- 
ried lately. 

Boucicault and wife sailed for Europe on 
Thursday. 

Sothern is expected to leave Liverpool in 
the middle of May. 

The prima donna, Gerster, sings pleasant- 
ly in eight languages. 

Pillet, husband of Mme. Janauschek, is on 
his way hither from Omaha. 

Ada Cavendish appears at the Broadway, 
March 10th, in "Rosalind." 

George Chaplin, now in the Eastern Sta- 
tes, will return to Australia in April. 

Will. L. Visscher, journalist and play- 
wright, is lecturing in San Bernardino. 

Mile. Sara, known as Emily Soldene's 
"high kicker/' has retired to private life. 

"H. M. S. Pinafore" holds the stages of 
the Standard and Fifth Avenue theatres to 
full houses. 

May S. Nickerson will be benefitted by a 
concert given by San Francisco artists, on 
March 25th. 

Sardou's new drama, "Andre Fortier," 
will be produced at the Boston Theatre on 
March 10th. 

Clara Morris has accepted Howard Tay- 
lor's adaptation from the German, "The 
Second Wife." 

Lawrence Barrett, supported by the Bos- 
ton Museum Company, makes a tour of New 
England soon. 

George S. Knight, with a German adap- 
tation called "Otto," opened at Hooley's 
Theatre, Chicago. 

W. R. Deutsch is said to have made $2,000 
by the season of Mr. and Mrs. Boucicault, at 
Booth's last week. 

George Fawcett Rowe will shortly make a 
tour of the Canadian theatres, as Cheviot 
Hill in "Engaged." 

John T. Ford has placed 8500 to the cre- 
dit of Gilbert &. Sullivan — first installment 
of royalty for "H. M. S. Pinafore." 

The American pianist, George Magrath, is 
playing in London with great success. The 
newspapers accord him high praise. 

The "Black Crook" at Niblo's promises to 
surpass all former representations. Thous- 
ands have been spent in the preparation. 

Miss Priscilla Goodwyn, elocutionist, re- 
cites here March 12th, under the patronage, 
it is said, of several leading society ladies. 

Females, ranging from seven to seventy, 
besieged Niblo's, recently, begging to be 
taken on as coryphees in ' 'The Black Crook. " 

The excellent New York Standard Com- 
pany at Haverley's, Chicago, in "Almost a 
Life," was not altogether a financial success. 

Signor Panteleoni, the singer, is forty 
years of age. He was a Liberal in Padua, 



and had to run from thence to escape the 
Austrian police. 

The French stalls are being removed and 
other important changes and alterations are 
taking place in the Fifth Avenue auditorium. 

Capoul, the tenor, will be in New York in 
September, appearing first in "La Fille de 
Madame Angot," and afterwards as Romeo 
in "Romeo and Juliette." 

An Eastern paper says the offer to Thos. 
W. Keene, for the California Theatre, was 
$2,000 in gold for eight weeks, with the pri- 
vilege of four weeks more. 

Caterina Marco has recevered from her 
sickness, and renewed her engagement with 
Strakosch for the California season. She 
will join the company at Chicago. 

Edwin Booth has declined an invitation to 
participate in the exercises on the 23d of 
April, at Memorial Theatre. He appears in 
Chicago, April 7th, for four weeks. 

John E. Owens, credited with being the 
sichest man on the American stage, and 
worth two millions, commences an engage- 
ment at the Bowery, on Monday, in "Every- 
body's Friend." 

Genevieve Ward recently played "Jane 
Shore" at Newport, and so delighted the re- 
latives of Charlotte Cushman that they gave 
her an elegant reception and an introduction 
to the leading families there. 

The Lenten season proved generally dis- 
asterous to theatre managers. The Rice 
Surprise Party, atMcVicker's, did well, how- 
ever, and Joe Emmett, in "Fritz," at Hool- 
ey's, Chicago, had fair houses. 

The Marionette exhibition is to be presen- 
ted at King's Hall, Mission street, Monday 
and Tuesday evenings, and for the benefit of 
the Music Fund, Western Addition Hall, on 
Friday and Saturday evenings this coming 
week. 

"Spell-Bound," at Wallack's, is a revival 
of the old melodrama "Pauline," played by 
Laura Keene and Lester Wallack twenty-five 
years ago. It is newly reset and altered, in- 
troducing fine scenic effects. Rose Coghlan 
plays the heroine. Stella Boniface, cast for 
Adele, is seriously ill. 

The Los Angeles Herald says that the hus- 
band of Modjeska, who has taken the hearts 
of Eastern theatre-goers by storm, worked 
for a while as an hostler in the Fashion liv- 
ery stable, in this city. The poor but gifted 
combination had tried ranching in the neigh- 
borhood of Orange, had failed, and were re- 
duced to great straits for a while. 

Anna Dickenson read her new play, "Au- 
relian," recently, before a small company. 
The authoress, with a deservedly good repu- 
tation as an eloqutionist on the platform, is 
a poor reader, and failed to do her work jus- 
tice. Its literary merits are unquestionable. 
Its structure presents several intensely dra- 
matic climaxes in the classic story of Aure- 
lian and Zenobia; but the dialogue, though 
never tame, is somewhat prolix. Stage re- 
presentation is necessary to determine chan- 
ces of popular success. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



509 



The Mapleson Troupe commenced again 
on Monday. Xearly all the seats are taken 
for the season. "Lohengrin" was given on 
Wednesday at the Academy to an overflow- 
ing audience. It was an interesting perfor- 
mance; but not equal to the smoothness of 
the company's rendering of Italian works. 
Preparations are making for "Euy Bias" and 
Verdi's "La Forza del Destino." It is re- 
ported that Hauk will sing Elsa and Mignon 
before the season closes. It is rumored in 
the musical circles of Leipzic that the com- 
poser, "Wagner, has become hopelessly in- 
sane. 



A Genuine French Dinner 

Including a Half-bottle of the Best Claret, 
I will give for 25 CENTS. 

Come One, Come All, and be convinced. 
JOE SAM, 645 Merchant St. 



B an j o "FaughtS 39 

In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMS, $8.00, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 
' LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

135 POST STKEET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SPECIAL NOTICES: 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TESTS 
HOREY & CO.'S MACCAEONI and VEB- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Eetail. 

janl8-3mos 

A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the "Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Covers for filing the "Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the "Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



"WANTED. 



twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Beport, U. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



A first-class Cheese and Butter maker. 
Inquire at F. Korbel & Bros., cor. Bryant 
and Fifth Streets. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 187-8, 43,107 barrels of beer, being 



IF TOU ARE FOND OF GOOD COFFEE 
TRY THE 

Premium Coffee 

MANUFACTURED BY 

J. G. MONTEALEGRE. 

Successor to IRA HARDEN & CO. 
218 SACRAMENTO ST. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Tosomito Cologne! 



K. MEUSDORFFER, 

For twenty-seven years on Commercial street, takes 
the pleasure lo inform his friends and the public at 
large, that he will on FEBRUARY 22d, open a NEW 
STORE at No. 15 Kearny Street, cor. Morton, with 
a new and select stock of 

at the lowest prices. 

N. B. — The old store at 635 and 637 Commercial 
street, will be carried on as heretofore. 

K. MEUSDORFFER. 



B. F. WELLINGTON, 

S E E 3D S M A. IN", 

Importer and Dealer in all kinds of 

VEGETABLE, FLOWER, FRUIT AND TREE SEEDS, 

PLANTS AND TREES, 
425 Washington St., opp. P. 0., San Francisco. 

K5"Send for 32-page Catalogue. 



W. 11= &OWEREE, 

715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, 

ETC., ETC. 
WINDOW SHADES AND SHADE MATERIALS 

at the lowest rates. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 cents at piece. 



GOLOMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly on 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

RED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

ROBERT 13ELI*„ 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 

412 Sansome Street, • - San Francisco. 




SUBSCRIBE FOR THE 

SAN FRANCISCO 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 

OFFICE, 

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THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER 
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Contains Fire Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beantifnl Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Scenery. 



NO"W IN THE THIRD YEAR ! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
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a week in your own town. ' Terms and §5 outfit free. Aa- 
dress H. Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine. 



TERMS: 

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Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



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BACK NUMBERS 



ILLUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete their files of the 
WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
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Ten Cents a Copy. 



NOTICE. 



The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be pubUshed by this paper. 



A. SCHROEFFER, 

AECHITEOT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Boom 38. Elevator in the building. 



510 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



HXESRC SIR'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

No. 17 POWELL ST., op]). Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

G^Speeial Attention paid to Country Orders. „■£« 



R.H0E&G0. 



New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

3, Fremont St., cor. Market, 

■Where will be found Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT SUPERIORITY of our 

Lithograph 



ra i 



kjr f^l 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co's generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



"We have a large stock of 



Second Hand Presses ! 

— YEBY CHEAP— both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



HIBEFtlSriA. 

Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 

OFFICERS: 

President M. D. S'WEENT 

Vice-Peesxdent CD. O'STJLLIVNA 

TRUSTEES: 
M. D. Sweeny, C. D. O'Sullivan, II. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gns. Tonchard, 

E. J. Tobin, Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Tbeascbeb EDWARD MARTIN 

Attorney RICHARD TOBIN 

REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society will not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany hi first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will be delivered U> the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
Deposits received from $2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 

july21-tf ' 

OK 4-/"\ ^\Of"^ Pe r day at home. Samples worth !?5 free 
tptl UU <f>£i\J Address Stixsox & Co., Portland, Maine. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Fine St., near Polk. 



Henry .AJurens & Co. 



Proprietors. 



C. D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. R. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 



frOT .T) Any worker can make S12 a day at home. Costly 
^ V/ - Lu/ Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



to 



T'HE BALDWIN 



?? 




THE LEADING HOTEL 

OF SAN FRANCISCO, 
And the most Elegantly appointed Hotel in the 
World. Over 83,500,000 having been expended 
by Mr. Baldwin in its Construction and Furnish- 
ing. 

The only Hotel having Snnlight in every Room 

Special Accommodations for Families and Large 
Parties. Prices the same as at other first-class 
Hotels, S3 and S5 per day. Special contracts 
will be made. The Hotel Coaches and Carriages 
in waiting at all Boats and Railway Depots. 

Rooms can be reserved before arriving, by 
telegraphing to 

THE BALDWIN, 

A. MACABEE, Business Manager. 




FISHERMAN 



TOBACCO AND CICARETTES! 



They are the BEST ! Always SMOKE MOIST 
and COOL ! 




u /SG00DASNEW„ 



ANILos 




865MARKETSf^CP iSffiSS^ 

OAN FRANCISCO (jAL 



'US THAT GOES 

' 'Mill I) t II >• 

TO Pl£CES. 



» 



m§M 'W&M& 



GOFt.PIFTH& : BRYANT STS @fap ^ImWtMtD 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



511 



San Francisco and North Pacific R. R. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1878, 
and until further notice, Trains and Boats 
will leave San Francisco : 
(Ticket office* "Washington Street Wharf.) 

3AA P. M. DAILY. [Sundays included] Steamer "James M. 
m\J\J Donahue," (Washiri^tun Street Wharf), connecting' with 
Mail and Express train at Donahue, for Petalunm, Santa Rosa, 
Ut-aldsburg, Cloverdale and way stations. Making Stage con- 
nections at Lakevills (or Sonoma; at Geyserville fur Skn^g'a 
Springs; at Cloverdale for L'kiah, Lakeport, Mendocino City, 
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THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 





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THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




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SATUEDAY, MARCH 15, 1879. 



' 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



Me. Frotjde is said to be a constant visitor 
upon Carlyle. In that one particular Mr. 
Froude differs from that other great man, 
our young Mr. Freud, who never visits Car- 
lyle. 



The News Letter complains because that, 
in the face of the overwhelming popular 
opinion in its favor, "not a single sheet has 
dared" — on this Coast — to oppose the sign- 
ing of the Anti-Chinese Bill. Mr. Marriot, 
what is the News Letter ? A quilt ? 



Now we know why the Zulus knocked stuf- 
fing out of the British. The column of the 
latter which the former overcome was fifteen 
hundred strong and was under the command 
of a mere Colonel. Under the superior or- 
ganization of the American army, that column 
would have been directed by a Major-Gen- 
eral and four or five Brigadiers, each one 
with a staff long enough to cover a whole 
block in a Fourth of July procession and a 
military train of personal effects. This would 
have overawed the truculent but impressible 
savages. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 



LANDLADIES. 



Through the great wide world theie is no 
spot of earth chastened by the refining influ- 
ences of civilization that is not blessed with 
a few of the above class of people. As a pur- 
veyor of couches; more or less downy, and of 
food, more or less hashed, woman is in an 
element for which, it would seem, Divine 
Providence had specially created her. Ton- 
gue developed wives and imperious mothers- 
in-law are feared and execrated the world 
over; but the money hunting landlady can 
strike more terror into the hearts of impecu- 
nious boarders than all the gabby-better- 
halves and domineering legal-maternities in 
creation could. 

Landladies are of various types. The pre- 
dominating one is elderly, robust, and com- 
manding in appearance. She may have a 
husband and she may not; and so far as re- 
gards the conduct of her business, it matters 
but little whether or no. If he were to at- 
tempt to make himself heard or observed, 
she would promply sit down upon him — and 
he knows it. She may have had a history 
and blood relations once. But that day is 
gone by; nobody now knows who she is or 
where she came from. The current belief is 
that she and her fowls were both in the ark 
with Noah and that all her relatives were 
drowned in the flood. At any rate in the 
business of supplying the homeless — but not 
the moneyless — with a home it is not neces- 
sary that one should be able to trace a gene- 
alogical tree clear back to that historical 
tree in the Garden of Eden. It is sufficient 
to be present upon the ground ready to do 
battle with the voracious, grumbling, or non- 
paying wolves who, in the garb of civilized 
men and women, seek to restrain her bank 
account from growing. 

Nest in order of numerical superiority 
comes a younger but not so portly species. 
This one is less austere in her manner; in 
fact she is as sweet as honey — until the un- 
fortunate boarder fails to connect, financial- 
ly. Young men with promising prospects 
she shepherds as an angel mother would. 
She has from one to three blushing beautiful 
daughters to marry off her hands, but it does 
not follow that the two facts have any, even 
the most remote, connection; their happen- 
ing so is merely a peculiar co-incidence. 
Still it is a co-incidence and as such is entit- 
led to notice. This lady's husband is dead, 
and she is struggling along through this hard 
and selfish vale of tears with the two-fold 
purpose of making a living and marrying her 
piano-playing daughters well. This is a 
noble object and joy should reign in every 
good man's heart when the lone-lorn widow 
triumphs over the soulless bilk. 

The nest class is a more select one; it is 
composed of spinsters of uncertain age — that 
is, their baptismal record was lost in the ill- 
fated ''Royal George" and they are conse- 
quently unable to place the date of their birth 
with any degree of accuracy; they having 
been very young at the time of that impor- 



tant occurrence. With singular unanimity 
these ladies all wear cork-screw curls; their 
noses, also, are usually red. This latter pe- 
culiarity does not arise from the fact that 
they drink anything stronger than tea or cof- 
fee. Its cause is indeed a mystery, but sci- 
entific research leads to the inference that 
their having been kept out in the cold (from 
the sweet secrets of matrimony) has some- 
thing to do with it. We all know that a cold 
atmosphere does cause the nose to assume a 
lurid hue. These ladies do not differ in any 
other material respect from the rest of the land- 
landlady sisterhood — except it be that el- 
derly gentlemen who are tolerably well fixed 
as regards this world's goods and who are 
known to entertain matrimonial thoughts will 
be exceedingly well treated by them. 

There are several other types of landladies 
but they do not exhibit traits of character 
sufficiently marked to render them interest- 



[See Double-page Illustration.! 

REASONS 1VHY THE ANTI-COOLIE BILL HAD 
NO EFFECT. 

In the first place .Mrs. Rutherford B. 
Hayes didn't approve of it. Mrs. B. B. H. 
is a good God-fearing woman and she knows 
that it is commanded of us by our book of 
sacred fables to preach the gospel to all na- 
tions. Now if the heathen Chinee can be in- 
duced to come here and wash our dirty linen 
and black our cookstoves it must be clearly 
apparent that the preaching of the gospel to 
him is facilitated. And our dirty linen and 
our cook-stoves are thus endowed with a 
christianizing influence that is hard to resist; 
but the taels which they bring in are still 
more resistless. 

Then again that good amiable loving old 
man Henry Ward Beecher wanted them to 
stay and get christianized. But people 
pretty well acquainted with the Chinese char- 
acter and habits of life say that they are al- 
most christianized up to Henry Ward's own 
standard. That is they love gold and women 
with an exceeding great love. 

Then the great DeWitt Talmage, the prize 
showman of the American pulpit, he wants 
the Chinese to stay and christianized. If the 
statements made by the Reverend acrobat in 
his diatribes about the wickedness of New 
York city have any leaven of truth in them, 
surely it cannot be but that he is well con- 
vinced that there is material enough right 
around him to engage the christianizing ef- 
forts of the whole country for the next fifty 
years ? He has said himself that the com- 
munity in which he lives is a putrid mass of 
evil, and how then can he expect that bring- 
ing the Chinese into contact with that vile- 
ness will assist towards christianizing them ? 

Then again the descendents of those broad 
liberal minded New Englanders, who used, 
in the exuberance of their religious zeal, to 
convert witches and other evil minded per- 
sons by the assistance of a stake and a pile 
of faggots, they want the Chinese to stay and 
get christianized. 

And last but not least the President him- 
self could not sign the bill because the Bur- 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



515 



ligarue Treaty stood in the way. A man 
would have kicked the Treaty into fragments 
in order to save his suffering fellowrnen, but 
then an old woman's foot is too tender for 
such a muscular job. The veto of the Anti- 
Chinese Bill is what comes of electing an old 
woman to occupy the Presidential chair. 



THE SEW FRENCH PRESIDENT. 

The illustration to be found upon this 
page is that of the new French President, M. 
Grevy. President Grevy dresses very plain- 
ly, never having worn even the uniform of 
the National Guard. In this respect he dif- 
fers from President Hayes and General Mc 
Comb. Like Leland Stanford, Charles 
Crocker, and others of our noble-born aris- 
tocracy, he is a man of Republican simplicity 
in all his ways. In his every-day attire, even 
in Paris, he has always donned a wide-awake 
instead of a silk hat. This is an excellent 
characteristic in a statesman; 
because he, of all other peo- 
ple, should always be wide- 
awake about the head; though 
it is occasionally permissible 
for his feet, if kept for a long 
time in a cramped position, 
to sleep. Though a man of 
considerable landed property, 
he never set up a brougham 
until he bacame President of 
the Chamber; there is nothing, 
however, on the record to 
show that he did not occas- 
sionally "set 'em up" for the 
boys. Even as President of 
Chamber he only ran a one- 
horse vehicle, and to the Re- 
publican but asthetic tastes 
of Mrs. John Mackay this one- 
horse proceeding has always 
seemed undignified. Presi- 
dent Grevy delights in music, 
hiH favorite instrument being 
the Connecticut jews-harp. 
A compliment which, it is 
to be hoped, this country will 
properly appreciate. Like 
President Hayes, he is a great 
billiard player; our President, 
however, drinks cider while 
missing his caroms, on the 
other hand, the Frenchman 
smokes white-labor cigars. 
M. Grevy is a keen sports- 
man and has been known, while rusticating 
at his chateau, to chop a wild turkey's head 
off in three seconds. He is also an able ag- 
riculturist and in his younger days could dig 
a row of potatoes as skillfully as any man in 
the country. In conclusion he never loses 
his temper — a fact which saves the nation a 
great deal of valuable time which he would 
otherwise necessarily waste in trying to find 
it. 



Gibson is pleased, and sings songs of glad- 
ness. His tumble-down filthy rookeries, 
will still be inhabited by the not over partic- 
ular coolie. His occupation as a missionary 
amongst the half dozen or so of converted 
heathens still remains. He still groweth in 
grace and riches ; and he praiseth God that 
he is not as other men are — hungry and dis- 
satisfied. 

Col. Bee (whom, by the way, we have 
represented as he used to appear before con- 
stant association produced such a resemb- 
lance between himself and the Chinese,) also 
is glad. His occupation as representative of 
the Ta Tsing Empire is saved ; and behold! 
the taels of Mongolian ruler are many, and 
he rewardeth his faithful servant liberally. 
Therefore doth the Colonel rub his ears, and 
crack his finger joints, and swear by rat-pie 
as a wholesome and tempting dish. The 
Colonel is a philanthropist, and, like any 
other level-headed man, his philanthropy 



complished anything he attempted to. But, 
nevertheless, he does not want them to go. 
The moment the Chinese start to go, the 
moment their coming is checked, that mo- 
ment Denis has to step back to his dray. 
His importance is gone ; his following, with 
the exception of the rabble, will vanish even 
as a mist. For proof of his insincerity, noth- 
ing more is needed than the way in which 
he referred to the Piatt's Hall meeting. If 
he were in earnest, he would gladly see any 
person assisting to accomplish the object. 
Yet he denounced that meeting. Why ? Be- 
cause he feared that it might have some in- 
fluence, and perhaps cause the President to 
sign the Bill. Hurrah! for the Sand-lots. 




I See Illustration on First Page. J 
THE GOLDEN CA1F RETAINED. 

The Chinaman is not to go — at least, not 
just yet ; and more than one heart rejoiceth 
thereat. In the first place, the Rev. Otis 



M. GREVY, PRESIDENT OF THE FRENCH REPUBLIC 



commences — if, indeed, it does not end — at 
home. 

But Denis, our Denis, is the gladest man 
in the lot. His occupation as Chinese expel- 
ler and "pulytecal leeder" is saved to him. 
He can still subsist on the droppings 
which fall from the horny-handed into the 
eleemosynary hat. Had the Chinese really 
been checked in their descent upon this 
Coast, the rallying cry upon which he de- 
pends to create enthusiasm would have been 
but an empty sound. Denis does not really 
want the Chinese to "go." If he did, it 
would not make the slightest difference, for 
beyond using language which would make a 
fallen woman blush, he has never yet ac- 



TSee Illustration on Last Page.] 
WHICH SHALL IT BE % 
By and by, when the election is over, one 
will be able to say with a greater degree of 
accuracy which party will win ; for the pres- 
ent, it looks more dignified to 
say that some one will win, 
but that horses and steam en- 
gines couldn't draw out the 
secret. 

On the one hand, we have 
the Democratic Party. It 
cheerfully promises to do in 
the future as it has in the past : 
make all it can. It gleefully 
promises under any and all 
circumstances to avoid hold- 
ing or attempting to hold any 
particular opinion upon any 
current issue. The great ad- 
vantage gained by this course 
is that no man need vote 
against its candidates on the 
ground that the party is for or 
against anything in which he 
feels the slightest interest — 
that is unless he be pretty 
well read in history. In such 
case he may find thatthe party 
entertains a very decided po- 
licy in regard to matters which 
have been settled fifty or a 
hundred years ago. But the 
number of ballots deposited 
by men who are well posted 
in history is insignificant, and 
if one or two votes are lost by 
thus taking too decided a 
stand, it cannot be helped. 
On the other hand, we have 
this new party. To its credit be it said, it 
has not been at all backward in expressing 
its opinions. The leading tenet in its politi- 
cal belief is that every man who can take 
soup with the side of a spoon, without mak- 
ing a noise closely resembling water escap- 
ing down a waste pipe, is necessarily danger- 
ous, bad, and evil-hearted; that a man who 
makes a practice of trimming and cleaning 
his nails is clearly an enemy to the State and 
not to be trusted ; and that any man who pos- 
sesses money (excepting always its "leeders" 
and supporters) must have stolen it. Per 
contra, that every man who does not wash 
his teeth, who has hard muscles, who has 
coarse feelings, and who was born and 
brought up amid not very refining surround- 
ings is necessarily honest and truthful. 



518 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



More Bitter than Death, 



CHAPTER IX.— Continued. 

VERNER St. George went up to hiin. 
"What have we here?" he said — and the 
voice that had just thrilled the hearts of hun- 
dreds sounded sweet as that of an angel to the de- 
spairing boy. ""What a face!" cried the great vo- 
calist. "Who are jou, my boy? What has brought 
you here?" 

"I am dying of huuger, sir," said the boy, "and I 
came here for shelter because it rained." 

People said of Verner St. George that his notes 
were of silver, hut that the thoughts of his heart 
were pure gold. His handsome face grew pale when 
he saw, from the boy's dim eyes and trembling lips, 
that he was half dead with hunger. 

"Hungry he cried, "in this city of plenty! People 
may say what they like, and think what they like; 
but I should never take supper again if I left this 
boy hungry." 

"Mind what you are doing, St. George," said one 
of the two of his friends, ' you can never tell whether 
you are being impose on or not in London streets." 

"Well," returned the kindly-hearted tenor, "I 
would rather be imposed on nineteen times out of 
twenty than leave one soul to such a fate as this. 
Look at his face, Harrison; there is no pretence 
there — you can see hunger written on it, sweet as it 
is. I will cut the question short by taking the boy 
in the cab with me and driving home — my wife will 
nor scold me — and I shall sleep the better for know- 
ing that I have saved one from the great wreck." 

His friends stood aloof for a few minutes, but each 
of them respected the great singer for his charity 
and kindness. He took the boy home to his house, 
fed him clothed him, and made him rest for a few 
days before he talked to him either of his past of his 
future. 

CHAPTER X. 

Verner St. George had some reason to be proud of 
his good deed. When the boy was properly clothed 
and fed, he looked like a different being. The re- 
fined delicate face face flushed with gratitude as his 
benefactor spoke to him and asked him what he had 
thought of doing with his life. 

"I can be nothing but an artist," answered the 
boy. "I care for no other pursuit; I must be an ar- 
tist or nothing." 

His simple story was soon told. His parents were 
dead — that is, if Charles and Susan Stonor were his 
parents— but even of that he did not feel quite sure. 
Few living knew less of themselves than did this 
fair-haired boy, It was quite in vrin that Verner St. 
George questioned him; he told him that his name 
was Charles Stonor, but that since his father's death 
he had been called Charlie Bray. He looked up 
into the kindly face of the popular tenor. 

"Sir," he said, "I hardly know how to beg for 
myself; but, if you will take me by the hand, I will 
live to repay you. Help me to be an artist, and I 
will prove my gratitude." 

"I will help you, promised Verner; and he kept 
his word. 

He took the boy to Signor Varini, the famous ar- 
tist, who was one 01 his most intimate friends. He 
told the painter what he had done. 

"I do not know that I shall ever live to build a 
church," said the handsome tenor, "but if I can 
make a man and artist out of this friendless, desolate 
gifted boy, I shall have done perhaps as good a deed 
You must help me, Varini, and perhaps between us 
we shall make him famous." 

No kinder, better deed was ever done. Leo soon 
proved the truth of his own words, that he was an 
artist born, and that he could never be anything 
else. 

"You have brought me a genius, Verner," said the 
painter to the great singer; "he will not want much 
teaching. His soul is in his art; he will leave his 
mark on the age." 

"Thank Heaven I did not leave him to starve 
under that poitico," remarked St. George. "I love 
that boy for his own sake as well as his genius." 

•'No one could see or know Leo without loving 
him; he had grown into a handsome, slender strip- 
ling, with a face that would have attracted attention 
. even in a crowd. He had his mother's brow, her 
golden-brown curls, her sweet, sensitive lips. His 
nature was noble, kinkly, generous, his disposition 
all that rc-as sweet, yet brave and spirited. 

He did not live much out of his art — it was his 
life. He had no friends except the two kindly men 
who had saved him. He had no acquaintances; he 
was quite alone. But he had lost all sense of loneli- 
ness is his art. It did not touch him while he could 
reproduce the gorgeous tints of earth and sky. What 
else could concern him? 

So time word on. For five years he worked with 
wonderful industry, aud then his success was estab- 
lished, One of his pictures — called "Under the Oak" 



— was accepted by the Royal Academy, and made 
him famous, Critics said that coloring so true to 
nature had not been seen for many a day. He ac- 
cepted his success with a humility that made him 
doubly charming. He said one day to his master — 
"It is not impossible to paint a mind-shadow; yet 
a shadow lies and has lain for years in my mind." 
"A shadow of what?" asked Varini. 
"The shadow of a woman's face. But such a facet 
I have seen none like it amongst living women, and 
none like it in pictures." 

"What is it like?" asked the great master. 
"I cannot tell; it seems to hover in my mind and 
brain like a shadow, I could not produce it in words 
I could not reproduce it in colors; and that would 
seem more easy to me. It is sweet, shadowy, faint 
as a dream. Yet it is there." 
The artist smiled. 

"What brought that face there Charlie?" 
Leo looked up with a smile. 

"I have an idea about it," he said. "I feel sure 
that, when I was a child, that face bent over me in 
my sleep and was photographed on my brain. I 
have dreamed so often of it — sometimes smiling, 
sometimes sad, but always loving. I see it more 
plainly in my dreams than in my waking hours. 
Some day I will paint it, and then the world will 
know how fair and lovely a woman's face can be." 
The artist laughed. 

"I like to listen to yon," he said. "I live in your 
youth, Charlie. When I was your age. I had the 
same ideas and dreams. Now more sober realities 
content me." 

Leo lived with his friend and patron, Signor Va- 
rini. The greatest enjoyment the two friends had 
was in visiting the beautiful home of the great 
singer. Leo always declared that he could turn the 
music into pictures — he saw some hidden connec- 
tion between music and color which no one else could 
understand. 

One morning Siguor Varini came early into the 
studio. 

"Charlie," he said, "fortune knocks once at every 
man's door. She is knocking now at yours; are you 
at home to her?" 

"To Lady Fortune, most assuredly I am at home, 
and bid her welcome, come in what shape she may," 
he replied. 

"She comes in the shape of this letter," said Va- 
rini. "It is from no less a person than the Earl of 
Lauraine, owner of that picturesque place called 
Rainewold. Several of his most valuable and ancient 
pictures have been injured by accident, aud he wants 
me to undertake the repairing of them. Now, Char- 
lie, to speak the truth, you would do that much bet- 
ter than I should. You are a true artist, more fit to 
touch the work of a genius; you would make no mis- 
take about the colors. I should like you to undertake 
the task." 

"1 shall be very pleased, if you wish it," replied 
Leo. 

"I do wish it. And there is not a more generous 
patron of art in all England than Lord Lauraine. It 
will be a splendid opening for you, When he sees 
your talent, he will never rest until he has ordered 
some pictures." 

"i T ou give me the advantages you ought to take 
yourself," said Leo. 

"Not so. I could not leave town for some time. 
Lord Lauraine says the work will occupy several 
months. It will be very pleasant; you will live at 
Rainewold, and Lord Lauraine will see that you 
have every comfort and luxury, I am sure. You will 
have a pleasant Summer, Charlie. I will take you 
down myself and introduce you to his lordship. He 
will not raise any difficulties when he sees you." 

A few hours later the generous artist appeared 
again. 

"Knowing your independence of spirit, Charlie," 
he said, "I shall not do what I intended — provide 
you with an outfit for Rainewold. You have a small 
balance at the banker's — use it. Remember, you will 
be at Rainewold some time, and you will mix in the 
best society; take all that is needful." 

One bright May morning the two friends started 
for Rainewold. Arrived there, it was not long before 
they stood in the great library, awaiting the coming 
of the Earl. It was the most magnificent room Leo 
had ever seen, aud he was in great danger of going 
off into an artistic rapture, when suddenly the door 
opened, and he stood face to face with the Earl. 
So they met again — the proud Earl — the jealous man 
who had forced the mother to desert her child — the 
man who had injured the son of the woman he loved 
— and that self-same woman's son, now arrived at 
man's estate. They had been face to face on#e be- 
fore; but that was in the bonnie woods of Calder. 

Then the Earl had hated the child with a quick, 
sudden, keen hatred, born of jealousy that was 
more bitter than death — then the Earl had turned 
from the child with dislike, because his beautiful 
young mother caressed him; now he bowed with a 
kindly smile to the young artist with the handsome 
intelligent face and lustrous eyes. 

He shook hands with Signor Varini, and welcomed 
him to Rainewold. Then Signor Varini introduced 



Mr. Charles Bray to his lordship, and asked if, after 
he had seen some of the young artist's work, he 
would allow him to undertake the repairing of the 
valuable pictures that had been injured. Lord Lau- 
raine smiled. 

"You are young, Sir. Bray," he said, "to -under- 
take so difficult a task; if but, if Signer Varini guar- 
antees your skill, I am conntent. 

"I can do more than that, my lord," declared the 
artist. "I can assure you that Mr. Bray will restore 
the pictures far better than I should. I propose, 
with your lordship's permission, to remain here for 
two or three days, just to help Mr. Bray with a few 
little suggestions." 

Lord Lauraine was delighted. He could not have 
been more amiable. He begged them to make them- 
selves quite at Home. Lady Lauraine was absent, 
and would not return that week; but they would find 
an attentive hostess in her niece Miss Lorrimer. 

CHAPTER XI. 

Twenty years make a wonderful difference in most 
people. They had passed lightly over the head of 
Lady Lauraine. She was now a strikingly beautiful 
woman of thirty -nine; but time sat so lightly on her 
that one would hardly have judged her to be twenty- 
five. Her fair face had no lines on it; the brow was 
white, calm, and serene; the golden hair had a deep- 
er sheen, the lustrous eyes a deeper light. The 
graceful figure was more fully developed. She was a 
queenly woman — perfect in her loveliness. 

For many years she had lived almost without emo- 
tion. It had seemed to her, when she was fully as- 
sured that no earthly power could restore her son to 
her, that there was no further interest in life. The 
young heir had grown up all that the Earl could de- 
sire. His mother loved him with a warm deep affec- 
tion; but it was not the same passionate love she had 
given to her elder and deserted child. That one 
great grief seemed to have paralyzed her heart. She 
could suffer no more; life held nothing for her so 
terrible. No other sorrow had power to pierce her 
and to sting her as this had done. No other grief 
could make her whole soul cold, hard, and proud. 
She had nothing left to suffer. She had nothing to 
enjoy; poverty, sickness, aud death would not have 
wrung one moan from her. Nothing could interest 
or please her. That one great blow had absorbed all 
that was hers, either of joy or sorrow. She could 
suffer or enjoy no more. She was calm serene and 
passive. Thus it was that she had preserved her 
youthful beauty, that no lines of pain or suffering 
were written on her features. 

She had not for many years mentioned the name 
of her lost son to the Earl. There was that which 
was like an open grave between them; and in it, to 
her fancy, lay the body of her child. The Earl still 
loved her with the most passionate and devoted love 
He had grown accustomed to her coldness now. At 
first, when he had seen the gradual freezing of every 
loving, warm, and tender impulse in her, he became 
anxious; he had tx*ied by every means in his power 
to make her like the warm-hearted Gladys who had 
first won his love. He had failed; and then, as the 
years rolled on, he became accustomed to her calm, 
cold manner. 

They lived, after this fashion, with this open grave 
between them, happily enough, Lord Lauraine proud 
of his beautiful wife, she doing her duty after the 
calm passionless manner which had become a second 
nature to her. She was one of the most popular 
women in England, a perfect hostess, a leader of 
society. But people said of her, with truth, that she 
was passionless and cold as a marble statue. Yet at 
any moment, had Lord Lauraine spoken of her son, 
the calmness would have been broken, and she would 
have been once more a warm-hearted loving woman, 
full of tender impulses. 

Rose Lorrimer had grown into a fair bright girl, 
and Lady Lauraine was deeply attached to her. The 
young heir was at Oxford. The Earl iusisted on his 
going through the usual curriculum of a first-class 
English education; and this year, as her son was 
away from home, Lady Lauraine had declined to pass 
the season in London. She would enjoy the Sum- 
mer better at Rainewold than anywhere else said. 

She had been away from home for several days, 
and did not return until after Signor Varini was 
gone aud Leo had settled to his task. By Lord Lau- 
raine's desire he worked in the picture gallery. His 
easel was placed there, and he had almost restored 
one of the most valuable paintings. 

"Gladys," said Lord Lauraine, when he saw his 
wife, "you must go at your earliest liesure to the 
picture-gallery, and see how marvellously the Lon- 
don artist I have engaged to restore the pictures is 
succeeding. I am delighted with his progress, and I 
am quite sure that you will be the same." 

Late in the afternoon of the day of her return she 
remembered what her husband had said. She 
thought to herself that she would dress for dinner 
earlier than usmal; and she would go and pay a 
visit of kindly ceremony to the young artist. 

A gleam of sunshine came through the great 
stained-glass window at the end of the gallery, and 
looking up, Leo saw standing in its midst, a vision 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



519 



he never forgot — a tall, fair, queenly woman, whose 
radiant loveliness for a moment dazzled him. Her 
dress of white and silver, her trailing laces, her jew- 
els — all made a picture he could not forget. He 
gazed at her like one in a dream; then his face grow 
pale, and a solemn light came into his eyes. This 
was assuredly the face that haunted him like a vague 
sweet shadow. He saw it before him now, and re- 
membered his own words, that it had been photo- 
graphed on his brain while he slept. 

The lustrous eyes looked into his own, and he saw 
a marvellon6 change come over the lady's face — a 
look of serious sweet wonder, a look that thrilled his 
heart as hisglauce had thrilled hers. They had met 
again — the mother and son who had been parted for 
eighteen years. 

Slowly the beautiful woman came to him. She did 
not know what impulse led her to hold out her white 
hand to him, she did so; and the two hands met in a 
clasp that seemed strange even to themselves. 

"I need not ask if you are Mr. Bray, the artist?" 
said Lady Lauraine. and the sweet voice seemed to 
vibrate even to the core of his heart. 

"I have heard it before," he told himself. "I 
know every note of it." He trembled, his heart beat 
fast. "Why did that voice stir something in his soul 
which was like long-forgotten music? He recovered 
himself. 
"Yes, I am Mr. Bray," he replied. 
•'Lord Lauraine is delighted with your progress," 
she said. 

He bowed — a strange emotion was rapidly driving 
his senses from him — ho could not collect himself 
just then for speech. 

"I should like to see what you have done, but not 
now; I will look in to-morrow morning. I hope," 
she added, "that during my absence from home you 
have been made quite comfortable?" 

"Yes, " he replied; he had been more than com- 
fortable; and again in the Bilence they stood looking 
at each other with wondering eyes. 

She had spoken of his work, of his comfort, and 
and her duty as mistress of that superb mansion was 
done — why did she not retire to where guests await- 
ed her? She lingered, she knew not why. She stood 
by his easel, her queenly beauty seeming to cast a 
radiance around. He asked himself whether he had 
lived before and had known this lady in another 
life. 

She did not leave him; she talked to him about 
various things, her eyes fixed on his face, her ears 
eagerly listening to every word he uttered. She 
could not have explained her sensations, she could 
not have described her emotion. She only knew that 
standing there talking to him, a feeling of the old 
life was come back to her; she felt glad and free as 
she had felt before the shadow of sin and sorrow had 
fallen over her. 

"Why do you look at me so earnestly, Mr. Bray?' 
she asked. 

There was no coquetry — no affectation — in her 
manner, nothing but simple wonder. His eyes 
seemed to pierce the very depths of her soul — it was 
the strangest sensation that she had ever experi- 
enced. 

There was something almost of magic in the inter- 
view. Now she was following the beautiful outline 
marked by the young artist's clustering curls, and 
then she found herself watching intently the play of 
the features that had such a strange fascination of 
familiarity about them. 

"Why do you look at me so?" she aBked again; 
and then Leo roused himself. 

"I am afraid to tell you, Lady Lauraine, lest you 
should think me fanciful." 

"Tell me — my life has held so many stern facts 
that I should like to hear a few fancies," she said to 
him. 

He was compelled to obey her. She had been 
standing there only one quarter of an hour; yet dur- 
ing that time she had gained such complete ascend- 
ancy over him that if she had bidden him lay down 
his life he would have done so. 

"It is but a fancy," he said gently, "yet it is one I 
have cherished very much — a vision of a woman's 
face. It has been like a shadow — I could not define 
it — a face so sweet, so fair and gracious, that no liv- 
ing face I ever could be compared to it, I have tried 
to paint it; but when I attempted to sketch the fea- 
tures they were gone; when my eyes are closed, they 
came back. I have always thought that it was a face 
photographed on my brain while I slept. It is a wild 
fancy, but one very dear to me. I call the face my 
dream-face." 

"Well?" she interrogated, her eyes growing more 
deeply lustrous as she gazed on him. 

"I am half afraid you will be angry with me," he 
said; "but yours is the face." 
"Mine!" she cried. 

"Yes, Lady Lauraine — I recognize it, I am very 
presumptuous; but it is the same face; and, when I 
saw you, for the first few minutes I was half terrified 
It was like a dream come true." 

[to be continued."] 




EyNo communication will be inserted unless the 
color of the writer's eye-brows, the date of his — or 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signed by the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nom de plume the writerdesires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarantee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 

McLane. — General Tom Thumb never 
commanded the Second Brigade N. G. C. 

Joseph. — "Eeimburst" is a very good word; 
altogether to good for our use, in fact. 

Hattie. — In winning a beau there is no 
more forcible attraction than a few thousand 
dollars. 

Michael. — A baby farmer is a very differ- 
ent thing from a potato farmer; though both 
may be trying to raise a few small Murpheys. 

South Africa. — The Kaffirs have a custom 
of eating a meal equipped as for a journey. 
In this country it is customary to start the 
meal on its journey without any equipment. 

McMahos. — We have already stated that 
we could not give the exact population of 
San Francisco. We don't own such a thing 
and we can't give that which we do not pos- 
sess. 

Frank. — Yes, we observed the announce- 
ment of Mr. Reed of the Call to the effect 
that he does not teach dancing. It rather 
surprised us because we thought that he did 
everything. 

Nosey. — The Wasp steals matter; with the 
exception of Puck every paper that we know 
of on the Continent steals. Puck does not 
steal because he wants to be copied and al- 
ivays credited. 

Orlando. — "The man that fired the Ephe- 
sian dome" may have eaten pork and beans 
for breakfast on the morning prior to his ac- 
complishment of that feat. Our own im- 
pression, however, is that he did not. 

Piute. — A copper-head snake may be made 
to sing by tickling it behind the left ear with 
a straw. But a great deal of science is re- 
quired in conducting the operation as the 
snake is liable to get angry if tickled too 
much or too little. 

Washington. — We don't know who inven- 
ted the flat iron, but we have heard that it 
was discovered by a Swedish woman in 1660. 
She was hunting beetles in a dark closet and 
came upon it accidently; it had been thrown 
in there by accident last time the family was 
house-moving. 



Ah Fung, a Love-Lorn Chinaman, as au Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Soey 

Fun: 

I was so busy last week clearing away the 
legacy of dirt which my predecessor, a per- 
son by the name of Biddy Muldoon, had left 
upon the pots, pans, windows, etc., of Mrs. 
Col. Massey's domicile that I did not have 
time to write you my customary letter. 
From what I have since discovered I ima- 
gine that the said Biddy and Mrs. Col. Mas- 
sey must have led a very nice sort of life and 
had a very nice sort of a house about them. 
Biddy being, I am told, inclined to take the 
world easy and Mrs. Col. Massey's time be- 
ing fully occupied in — doing nothing. Of a 
truth, my dearest Hoey, the ease with which 
many of these barbarian women slide through 
the world would astonish even the philoso- 
phical soul of the placid Fo. 

I notice, my sweet butter-cup of the far- 
off Foo-choo-foo, that Col. and Mrs. Massey 
do not seem in their daily lives to have that 
bond of sympathy between them which I 
hope and think will exist between you and I. 
Why this is so I cannot imagine because 
their religion teaches them that their marri- 
age was made in Heaven (the residence of the 
All-po werf ulDeity of the barbarians) years and 
years before they ever saw each other. And 
surely an All-powerful, All-seeing, and All- 
loving Being would not cast into the close re- 
lation of husband and wife two people total- 
ly unsuited, in temperament and tastes, to 
each other. If my Joss was to do so I would 
knock him down and split him up for kind- 
ling wood; and I think the Joss that can see 
the coming of all the marital infelicities 
which take place in this country every year 
— the lives which are every day wrecked 
through ill-advised unions — and, having the 
power to prevent them, does not do so is too 
bad to live; Be v. Otis Gibson to the contrary 
notwithstanding. 

Not that I would wish you to understand 
that Col. and Mrs. Massey lead a very un- 
happy life; but I do think that they would 
do so if the Col. was not a very good-natured, 
careless, man and if Mrs. Col. M. had not 
been born too tired to make herself or any 
other person unhappy. But then they are a 
very mild type of the very numerous class to 
which I have been referring. What I object 
to in their lives is the fact that they take no 
earthly interest in each other. They inces- 
santly call each other "my dear" and yet one 
can see that at times it requires but a little 
self-assertive energy on the part of either to 
lead to a bitter rupture. Neither one bores 
the other with his— or her— company. In 
the morning the Col. goes to business and in 
the evening he returns to dinner. After that 
meal he goes off "to attend to important 
business" and returns at an hour varying 
from ten till one and very often accompanied 
by a noisy throat affection. Upon Sunday 
morning and evening he stays at home-; he is 
wearied with the week's business you know. 
And, of course, she goes to Church. Such 
is the barbarian civilization. 

Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fong. 




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522 



THE ILLUSTEATED WASP. 




The Very Freshest American Humor. 

Scotch soldiers bare legs as well as arms. 
— Utica Observer. 

Twins are the paro-pets of a house. — 
Whitehall Time\ 

A good place to get a husband — By the 
ear. — Meriden Recorder. 

When a man says his occupation is "gone," 
depend on it there's an auction — near. — Ex. 

What is the need of being told to rise with 
the lark ? The lark rises 300 feet.— N. Y. 
Herald. 

A man may be Tery fond of birds, properly 
cooked, and yet quail on toast when sud- 
denly called upon to respond to one. — Cin. 
Saturday Night. 

Whatever Christiancy's capacity may be, 
as a Senator, he will exhibit only Inca-pacity 
in Peru. — Phila. Bulletin. 

When your little son swells like a bubble 
with emotion, be tender with him, or bub'll 
burst. — Boston Transcript. 

The schoolboy manages to be more perfect 
in ''recess" than in any other exercise of the 
school. — New Haven Regis-ier. 

House cleaning is like a man going through 
a tunnel on a dark night. He never knows 
when he's through. — N. Y. Express. 

Perfumed arrows are now used by the 
English archery clubs. Arrows by any other 
name would smell as sweet. — N. Y. Graphic. 

An Italian has made a clock of bread. 
Some unprincipled persons might call this 
the knead of the hour, but it is best not to 
notice them. — Danbury News. 

A man of presence ; one ■whose virtues are 
Beyond the cavil of earth's meanest craven, 

Offending none — I'll bet a prime cigar 
No angry woman ever Claude De Haven. 

—N. Y. News. 

Mrs. Mary Holbrook, of Massachusetts, 
began at seventy-five years of age to make 
and sell tidies. In fifteen years she had 
cleared quite a tidy little fortune. — N. Y. 
Com. Adv. 

An impossible feat for a female pedestrian 
is to walk a thousand miles in a thousand 
hours past one thousand millinery stores dis- 
playing the latest styles of spring bonnets. — 
Phila. Chronicle. 

"How even that lawn looks, my dear," 
said Mrs. Mic to her husband aB they were 
taking a suburban stroll. "Even!" he ex- 
claimed, "I'm disposed to think it's sod." — 
Yonkers Gazette. 

Does a carpenter always write a plane 
hand ? H. M. S. Pinafore seems to be apron 
ounced success? When your wife falls 
asleep by the fire, take the tongs and poker. 
— Boston Bulletin. 



The other day a man who had just signed 
his first naturalization papers with his X, 
frankly admitted to the clerk of court, that 
the American system of public schools was a 
hopeless failure. — Hawkeye. 

"The ball season is at hand and the under- 
taker gleefully distributes free invitations, as 
he muses on the fatality of thin slippers and 
thin dresses, when brought into contact with 
the morning air." — Court Journal. 

The N. Y. Herald wonders how Queen 
Victoria finds time to sleep, if she reads all 
the daily papers. The real wonder is how 
she manages to keep awake under such so- 
porific doses of English journalism. — -Ex. 

One of the fashion items passing around 
without a fraternity is, that "girls who part 
their hair on the side look fast." We will 
add that the young men and old men, who 
part their hair in the middle, look soft. — Ex. 

A conceited young man, of West Chester, 
Said to the editor, "I m the best je6ter 

That ever was born." 

His joke& next morn 
Caused his readers to cry, "0, go West, jester." 
— Norr. Herald. 

An exchange tells of a young man who 
swore off smoking, and was worth ten thou- 
sand dollars in five years. There's some mis- 
take here. We know a young man here who 
has sworn off fifty times in five years, and 
isn't worth a cent. — Bridgeport Standard. 

He put his arm around her wai6t 

And swore and awful swore, 
And as he jerked it off again 
He said, 

I've felt that Pin-afore. 



whose tones fall softly on the perfumed eve- 
ning air! Speak again and say those words, 
my beloved, for I could listen to your voice 
until the stars are extinguished in everlasting 
night!" After marriage — "I've had just 
enough of your clapper, old woman, and if 
you don't let up I'll leave the house!" — New- 
ark Call. 

A correspondent asks our opinion concern- 
ing a certain point in a game of euchre. His 
note has been mislaid, but his question, ac- 
cording to our recollection, runs this way: 
"If A plays the left bower and B has the ace 
and both jacks, and C holds the right bower 
and king, and B goes alone and A goes alone 
against him, and C takes three tricks, and B 
gets euchred and turns it down and A makes 
it a spade, and his partner has six cards and 
no trumps, and C gives him one, and B 
breaks the game in a row, should C or A pay 
for the drinks ?" Ans: We think he should. 
— Norr. Herald. 



He Walked. 



-Puck. 

"Papa, why are you like the parlor stove ?" 
asked a little boy of his father, who was 
watching the smoke-wreaths curl from the 
bowl of his meerschaum. "Don't know, 
sonny. '\ "Because you fill the room with 
smoke." The old man turned the damper 
at once. — Ex. 

Old lady to taxidermist: "You can see for 
yourself, man, you only stuffed my poor par- 
rot in the summer, and here's his feathers 
tumbling out before your eyes." Taxider- 
mist: "Lor' bless ye, 'm that's the triumph 
of our art. We stuff 'em that natural that 
they moults in their proper season." — Boston 
Transcript. 

If there is ever a time in the life of the 
washerwoman when her heart is made to beat 
with joy, it is when she finds a diamond stud 
in the unwashed shirt of the young man who 
owes her a year's wash bill. Then she laughs 
to herself and says: "He'll pay that bill be 
fore he gets this back, as sure as my name is 
Matilda Jane." — Rome Sentinel. 

"Where's yesterday's Traveller ■?" said one 
of our subscribers to his wife. "I wanted 
that paper particularly. I do hope it's not 
destroyed." "My dear," replied the lady, 
"if you'd got up and built the fire yourself, 
as a man ought to, you would have saved it. 
As it is, I am afraid it has gone to that burn 
from whence no Iraveller returns." — Boston 
Traveller. 

What is the only difference 
'Twixt an old maiden's age, 

And bearing pain so cruel, 
Inflicted with keen rage ? 

The answer is so Bimple 

You must not think it crude ; 

For one is two and forty, 
And the other, fortitude. 

— Hackensack Republican. 

Before marriage — "Oh, my darling, your 
voice is a musical to me as a vesper bell 



At an early hour yesterday morning a man 
who had an eye brim-full of confidence in 
himself entered a Detroit restaurant, kept by 
a man who takes an interest in manly sports, 
and thus began : 

"My name is Shaw. I have just arrived. 
In case I can work up sufficient interest in 
this city I propose to walk one thousand 
miles in" . 

"Call again — very busy — see you later — 
got to go right over the river!" said the res- 
taurant man as he got away out of sight. 

The man named Shaw didn't seem greatly 
surprised at his reception, and his chin was 
still high as he walked into a bill-poster's 
and asked: 

"Can you do some pasting for me ?" 

"Oh, yes. There's scarcely a month in 
the whole year that we don't post up at least 
one dodger for some one or other," was the 
reply. 

"I may want to put out 10,000 three-sheet 
bills next week," observed Mr. Shaw; "I 
propose to begin here an attempt to walk 
1,000 miles in " 

"All our boards are secured for two months 
ahead," interrupted the poster with terrible 
earnestness, and he at once began to sweep 
the dusty floor with a dry broom. 

Mr. Shaw coughed and went out. The 
store of confidence in his eye had been re- 
duced about one-half, but he had a good card 
left. Making his way to a tobacconist's store 
whose shop is the headquarters of lovers of 
dogs, horses, dumb-bells and athletic sports, 
he purchased a cheap cigar and casually ob- 
served to the crowd: 

"Gentlemen, my name is Shaw. I was 
thinking that if a hall could be secured on 
favorable terms I would make the attempt to 
walk — " 

"Wait!" shouted every man in the room in 
chorus, and in less than fifty seconds all had 
filed out and gone their ways. Then the to- 
bacconist reached down for his slung-shot, 
crying out that Mr. Shaw had driven away 
seventeen of his best customers, but before 
he could use it Mr. Shaw made the attempt 
to walk past one street corner in one York 
minute, and he achieved a grand success. — 
Detroit Free Press. 



THE DXUETEATED WASP. 



523 



A Batch of State*. 

A gentle Miss., once seized with chill, 
\\"ns feeling most infernal 111., 
"When came a Md., for to know 
If N. V service he could do. 

"0.," cried the maid (for scared was she) 
"Do you Ind. Teun. to murder He.?" 

"La.," said the doctor, "I Kaus. save 
You from a most untimely grave, 
If you will let me Conn, your case 
And hang this liver pad in place." 

"Am la. fool?" the patient cried — 
"I cannot Del." the brute replied, 
"But no one can be long time 111. 
Who Mes. a patient blue Mass. pill." 

"Ark.!" shrieked the girl, "I'll hear no Mo. 
Your nostrums are N. J. — no go." 



John Franklin Smythe. 
Mr. John Franklin Smythe, formerly 
known in this community under the less im- 
posing nom de plume J C , Esq., 

can call at this office and obtain the exquisite 
poem we recently received from him and for 
which, he states, "the other papers" are cla- 
morous. Mr. C is "one of the most 

vigorous and caustic writers now on the Pa- 
cific Coast." His "articles are brilliant, spicy, 
pungent, trenchant and humorous." At 
least he once stated so in that lively, intel- 
lectual, publication Homes in California, and 
we would not think of disputing the point 
with him. The reason why we do not de- 
sire to publish Mr. C 's intensely sar- 
castic and thoroughly poetical effusion 
lies in the fact that it is somewhat eulo- 
gistic of the "Wasp — of a year or so ago 
As yet the "Wasp is young and bashful and 
would rather let "the other papers" blow its 
trumpet for it; even though the blowing re^ 
sound more to the credit of its past than its 
present. Besides, the financial resources of 
the paper have been so crippled since it lost 
the assistance of the Kern County and San 
Jose litterateur, that a $10-poem (?) is beyond 
its reach. It may seem out of place but we 
cannot help observing that Memphis and St. 
Louis are still waiting patiently for the ad- 
vent of a genius. 



Mr. Voodbury's, pl-e-e-n-ty Mr. Everybody's 
for Secretary of de Treasury; v-o-ne, v-o-ue 
Mr. Hasslar for de head of de coast survey!" 
and erecting himself in a haughty attitude, 
he looked down upon Jackson in supreme 
scorn at his daring comparison. 

President Jackson, sympathizing with a 
character having some traits in common with 
his own, granted Hasslar's demand, and at 
the close of the next Cabinet meeting told 
the joke, to the great entertainment of the 
gentlement present. 



Miss Wharton's Pie. 
Miss Margaret "Wharton was a lady of good 
family and large fortune. She was one of 
the Whartons of Skelton Castle, Cleveland, 
and possessed £200,000, half of which she 
gave to a nephew. She was well kown in 
Scarborough, where she used to send out for 
"a pennyworth of cream" and "a pennyworth 
of strawberries," always paying her penny 
down. From this little peculiarity she be- 
came known as Peg Pennyworth. On one 
occassion while in Scarborough, she had a 
meat-pie made; it was very large, as it was 
for herself, some visitors, and the servants. 
She ordered her footman to take it to the 
bake-house. He refused, saying it was not 
consistent with his dignity to be seen dressed 
in plush and tags, carrying a meat-pie. Miss- 
tress Peg then desired the coachman to take 
it; but he also declined. "Bring out the 
carriage," was the command. The carriage 
was harnessed, the coachman donned his 
powdered wig and mounted the box; the 
footman ascended behind and Mistress Mar- 
garet Wharton sitting in state in the carri- 
age, bore the meat-pie on her lap. "Drive 
to the bake-house," was her command. In 
an hour or two, the same state being obser- 
ved, the pie was brought back. "Now," she 
said to the coachman, "you have kept your 
place, which is to drive; and you," turning 
to the footman, "have kept yours, which is 
to wait; and now we will all have some of 
the pie. 



Only One Hasslar. 

When Hon. Levi Woodbury was Secretary 
of the Treasury, under Jackson, he and Hass- 
lar could not agree as to the compensation 
to be allowed to the Superintendent, and 
Hasslar was referred to the President, at 
whose discretion the law placed the settle- 
ment of the dispute. 

"So, Mr. Hasslar, it appears the Secretary 
and you can not agree about this matter," 
remarked Jackson, when Hasslar had stated 
his case in his usual emphatic style. 

"No sir, ve can't." 

"Well, how much do you really think you 
ought to have ?" 

"Six tousand dollars, sir." 

"Why, Mr. Hasslar, that is as much as Mr. 
Woodbury, my Secretary of the Treasury, 
himself receives." 

"Mr. Voodbury!" screamed Hasslar, rising 
from his chair and vibrating his long fore- 
finger toward his own heart. "Pl-e-e-n-ty 



PLATFORM OF PRINCIPLES 

GOVERNING THE 

Municipal Reform Party 

Adopted by the General Council, March 
4th, 1879. 



election, any promise of patronage, mnupy or other ml a- 
able consideration, to the end, that he may enter 
upon the duties of his office untramelled by pledges 
of any kind, other than such as relate to a faithful 
discharge of his official duties. 

Resolted — that the establislnnent of permanent 
Councils in the several precincts of the city should be 
regarded and maintained as an indispensible prequis- 
ite to the purpose of this organization, and as one of 
tho most salutary means by which to correct the 
abuses of our local government. 

Resolved — That the salaries of Municipal Officers 
should be commensurate with the responsibilities of 
the office, that loio niggardly salaries is a spurious 
principal of political economy, that the position as- 
sumed by this party in respect to economy in this 
direction is that no official should be paid more than. 
one salary — that by the selection of capable assist- 
ants, a large number of salaries may be dispensed 
with, and that all sinecure political salaried positions 
should be immediately abolished. 

Resolved — that Water and Light, two indispensible 
necessities of human life, should be as free as cir- 
cumstances may permit, or human wisdom provide, 
therefore our city government should extend all due 
encouragement to any enterprise calculated to re- 
duce the present high rates of Water and Gas. 

Resolved — that the Municipal Reform Party hold 
it to be a self evident fact that as a large majority of 
the voting population of this country labor for the act- 
ual necessities of life, any attempt to degrade their 
labor or to depreciate its value would be a moral and 
political wrong, a detriment to our civilisation and dan- 
gerous to the icelfare of our country. 

Resolved — that the unrestricted immigration of 
Chinese to this country is a bliting, whithering 
curse, rapidly working a hardship upon our people 
beyond their power of endurance, an evil against 
which this party pledges its unqualified opposition. 
CHAIRMAN, Executive Committee. 



Your Committee to whom was referred the draft- 
ing a Platform giving more definite expression to the 
Principles governing the Municipal Reform ¥ artyj 
resoectfully report the following: — 

ResoLVED — that the Municipal Reform is designed 
to be strictly non-partisan, and to confine its action to 
the local government of San Francisco — that the pur- 
pose of its organization is to further the interest of 
Justice, establish economy, and promote the welfare 
of our people. 

Resolved — that the Municipal Reform Party, in 
appealing to the intelligence, honor and Patriotism of 
this community, for support, do so with a full rec- 
ognition of the fact, that it is only through these 
these moral agencies that any permanent reform is 
possible. 

Resloved— that no party should receive the con- 
tinued confidence and support of an American Citi- 
Citizen, unless, first; its principles are sound and cor- 
rect, and second; unless it presents as its candidates 
to represent those principles, and to occupy its 
places of trust and emolument, honest, trustworthy 
and capable men. 

Resolved — that no nominee of this party shall be 
assessed for election expenses as the practice is against 
sound public policy. 

Resolved — that it shall be deemed dishonorable, 
and a bar to further preferment for any nominee of 
this party to employ as a means of his nomination or 



—If the headlines upon one column of 
that interesting publication, the Chronicle of 
of Thursday last, are at all correct the 
"Workingmen" (whatever that maybe) of 
Salinas, Gonzales, and Soledad, are aroused. 
This is a consoling reflection. This country 

has been going headlong to the d that 

is to Putney, just because the ""Working- 
men" of those places were not aroused. By 
the way, where are Salinas, Gonzales, and 
Soledad situate ? Are they in this country ? 



— Don't fail to see the big tree and educa- 
ted birds at 955 Market St. Children's ma- 
tinee Saturday. * 



BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Magciee Manager 

Fred. Lyster, Act'g Man'ger. .Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

[^ENORMOUS SUCCESS OF^ 

ROSE EYTINGE 



EVEERY EVENING, including SUNDAY, will be 
acted 

THE MINER'S DAUGHTER 

A dramatization from the novel "That Lass o' Low- 

rie's," written expressly for BOSE EYTINGE 

by CHARLES BEADE, Esq., 

SATURDAY, Matinee at 2 o'clock. 



ST. PATRICK'S NIGHT. 

Benefit of Mr. LEWIS MOEEISON. 

"THE HUNCHBACK" and the Irish patriotic drama 
"ROBERT EMMETT." 



has removed from 819 Market street to 
761 MARKET ST., opp. Dupont. 



GLAJEHDEN HOSE! 

50 feet i-inch 3 -ply Hose - - - $4.50 
50 feet I-inch 3-ply Hose - - - - $5.50 



524 



•THE ILLUSTRATED WASP, 




The principal attraction this week has 
been the continuation of the representations 
of the "Passion Play" 

At the Grand Opera House 

Good weather had the effect of bringing 
out large, attentive, and intelligent audiences 
to witness the grand play. Contrary to the ex- 
pectation of all devout people, a thunder- 
bolt has not yet been hurled from the out- 
raged heavens at this theatre. But the dis- 
appointment is in measure softened by the 
down pour of rain which during the first week 
of the performances gave unquestionable evi- 
dence of divine displeasure. Brother Pick- 
ering, Deacons Fitch, and Duncan, were con- 
spicuous by their absence from all the repre- 
sentations of this play. Whether or no they 
were enjoying the more elevating, more en- 
joyable, and less sacrilegious entertainments 
which are nightly given 

At the Standard 
"We are not prepared to say. But we do 
know that the advertising and news columns 
controlled by the two former gentlemen have 
not yet been closed against this establish- 
ment. Besides, it must be recollected that 
even that strict God-fearing old Israelite, 
King David, was rather partial to a well 
turned limb, and there is no earthly reason 
why these venerable and chaste old gentle- 
men should not be like unto him. There 
may, perhaps, be heavenly ones to the con- 
trary but we wot not of them. 

At Baldwin's 
Miss Rose Eytinge, supported by the admir- 
able stock company of that house, presented 
"The Miner's Daughter" a dramatization of 
"That Lass o' Lowrie's," during the latter 
portion of the week. The play contains a 
great many strong situations and was very 
well rendered. Some of the more dramatic 
scenes being presented with an almost pain- 
ful earnestness and intensity. 

At the California 
A mixture of bad local players with a few 
worse New York ones continued to struggle 
with "Mother and Son." When a poor ac- 
tor struggles with a good part the result can- 
not but be painful to an intelligent auditor. 

At the Bush Street Theatre 
Wheathersby's Froliques, a constellation of 
stars, each one of brilliant magnitude, con- 
tinued for another week to illuminate the lit- 
tle house. 



Woodward's Gardens. 
What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 
museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



Cues. 
Ole Bull was 69 years old a few days ago. 

The death of A. Jenson, the oomposer, is 
announced. 

Miss Mary Anderson is drawing fine audi- 
ences in the West. 

The Union Hall entertainments have been 
transferred to Piatt's Hall. 

Miss Ada Cavendish will play at the Brook- 
lyn Park Theatre this week. 

Kemenyi seems to be having a highly suc- 
cessful tour through the West. 

Miss Emma Abbott and her company have 
been singing at Galveston, Tex. 

The late Mrs. Brignoli, now McCullough, 
says that Brig, was a bass, rather than a tenor 
husband. 

Mr. Thomas W. Keene will join fortunes 
again with the California Company about 
April or May. 

"Engaged" has made such a hit at the 
Part Theatre that nothing else is thought of 
at the present. 

There was something crooked in the con- 
duct of "Bichard III. The people could not 
back him up. 

Mr. John McCullough has been pleasantly 
remembered in a will left by one of his Cali- 
fornia admirsrs. 

They are talking about bringing out a 
"Winter's Tale" at a New York theatre by 
the end of spring. 

Sothern is coming back to the New York 
stage. He is now in Rome and recovering 
strength and health. 

Master Abe Sichel, a youthful pianist of 
this city, has been delighting the people of 
Napa by his performances. 

Miss Annie Adams is praised by the Port- 
land (Or.) papers for her rendering of Jessie 
Brown in the "Siege of Lucknow." 

Fanny Davenport weighs 180 pounds, and 
this probably is the reason that she always 
wants a strong company to support her. 

After a very successful season at Baldwin's 
the Barlow, Wilson, Primrose and West's 
minstrels will make a professional tour in the 
interior. 

Fanny Davenport is said to have seen at 
last that "Olivia," Wills' adaptation of "The 



Vicar of Wakefield," is a failure, and so has 
"shelved" it. 

Mr. W. J. Florence will take the road with 
a company the present week. The efficient 
actor, Mr. A D. Billing, is a member of the 
combination. 

The most distinguished American song- 
birds at present on the lyric stage are Ade- 
lina Patti, Albani, Kellogg, Cary, Litta, 
Hauk and Abbott. 

It greatly annoys Mary Anderson to be 
mistaken for the pedestrian. She explains 
that she is a "star," while Madame Ander- 
son is merely a walking-lady. 

The "Chissold Uniques" is the name of a 
new party to explore the interior, after the 
manner of the Froliques Company. Mr. A. 
D. Billings contemplated joining the com- 
pany, but has declared in favor of an offer to 
support W. J. Florence during his interior 
tour. 

Paul Merritt's play, called "New Baby- 
lon," has just been produced at the Duke's 
Theatre, London, and proved an immense 
success. Mr. Thomas Maguire has secured 
the play and will produce it shortly. It has 
all the interest of Boucicault's "Flying 
Scud," with many new effects. 



Love-struck Students. 

The performance of the "H. M. S. Pina- 
fore" comic opera at the Opera House, New 
Haven, the other evening was attended by 
many Yale students, three of whom were 
completely carried away with the charms of 
Miss Rose Temple, who was in the caste as 
Ralph Rackstraw, "an able seaman." She 
was attired in an ordinary sailor's garb, with 
flowing bell-button pants, which flopped 
about her pretty feet. She also wore a neat 
pea-jacket and jaunty sailor's hat of straw, 
which sat on the back of her head, which was 
covered with a becoming blonde wig. Her 
costume as a whole did not particularly be- 
come her, but her pretty face and figure were 
attractive. The love-sick students had the 
audacity to send their cards behind the 
scenes to the lovely Rose, but she received 
them with scorn, and did not return the com- 
pliment, if such it coxild be considered. But 
nothing could dampen their ardor and at the 
close of the performance the zealous sons of 
Yale waited until the company came from 
their dressing room and followed them to the 
depot, evidently bent upon making the ac- 
quaintance of Miss Rose. At the depot the 
members of the company dropped into com- 
fortable seats and were in waiting for the 
Shore Line Express at 12.32 which took 
them to Providence. The students at once 
began to scan the faces of the female mem- 
bers for their adornable Temple. At last 
they sauntered off to one side of the room in 
a dark corner where a gentleman and lady 
were seated. As they passed by they cast a 
look at the couple. It was she; the one they 
were searching for. But lo! she had with 
her a beautiful child, evidently her own, 
which was quietly nestling upon her bosom, 
and beside her sat her husband, who was si- 
lently taking in the whole situation. He was 



! I 



THE ILLUi TliATED WASP. 



525 



the happy possessor of the illuminated cards 
sent behind the scenes by the students, and 
was also the possessor of the lore and affec- 
tion of the charming Rose Temple. His ob- 
servation of the last scene, in which the stu- 
dents took part at the depot, was a very sa- 
tisfactory one. When they discovered the 
mother and nursing babe, their ardor became 
suddenly chilled, and the change that over- 
came their features was very marked. They 
did not remain to give the fair Rose good- 
bye, but like the Arabs "silently stole 
away," and in a subdued and thoughtful 
mood made their way to the campus. 



A Genuine French Dinner 

Including a Half-bottle of the Best Claret, 

I will give for 25 CENTS. 

Come One, Come All, and be convinced. 

JOE SAM, 645 Merchant St. 



Banj o Taughta^ 

In Twelve Easy Lessons. 



TERMS, $S.OO, one half in advance. Warrant to 
make a good player in one course of lessons. 

FINEST TONED BANJOS made to order. 

LESSONS given at all hours of the day or even- 
ing. 

135 POST STKEET, adjoining Dashaway Hall. 



SPECIAL NOTICES: 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TENT- 
HOREY & CO.'S MACCARONI and VER- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

janl8-3mos 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 

Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
riling the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the coveys at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



WANTED. 

A first-class Cheese and Butter maker 
Inquire at F. Korbel & Bros., cor. Bryant 
and Fifth Streets. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 

— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 

the year 1878, 43,107 barrels of beer, being 



twice as much as the next two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Report, U. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



IF YOU ARE FOND OF GOOD COFFEE 
TRY THE 

Premium Coffee 

MANUFACTURED BY 

J. G. MONTEALEGRE. 

Successor to IRA MARDEN & CO. 

218 SACRAMENTO ST. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

O. CANTY <3te CQ-, 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners , 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Yosemite Cologne! 



K. MEUSDOUFFER, 

For twenty-seven years on Commercial street, takes 
the pleasure lo inform his friends and the public at 
large, that he will on FEBRTJAKY 22d, open a NEW 
STOKE at No. 15 Kearny Street, cor. Morton, with 
a new and select stock of 

HA.TS AJSTE* CAPS 

at the lowest prices. 

N. B. — The old store at 635 and G37 Commercial 
street, will be carried on as heretofore. 

E. METJSD0RFFER. 



B. F. WELLINGTON, 

Importer and Dealer in all kinds of 

VECETABLE, FLOWER, FRUIT AND TREE SEEDS, 

PLANTS AND TREES, 
425 Washington St., opn. P. 0., San Francisco. 

jKS"Send for 32-page Catalogue. 



715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, 

ETC., ETC. 
WINDOW SHADES AND SHADE MATERIALS 

at the lowest rates. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained at the office a 50 cents at piece. 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and S5 outfit free. Ad- 
dress H. Hallett & Co., Portland, Maine. 



GOLQMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly ou 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

BED, WHITE, 
and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

ROBERT BELL, 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and Liquors, 

412 Snusome Street, - - San Francisco. 




SUBSCRIBE FOR THE 

SAN FRANCISCO 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 

OFFICE, 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER 
COAST! 



THE PACIFIC 



Contains Five Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Scenery. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR ! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - $4 per Tear. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



EF^All Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



BACK NUMBERS 

OF THE 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete their files of the 
WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
fice. We have reserved a number of copies of each 
issue which can be had at 

Ten Cents a Copy. 



NOTICE. 

The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 

A. SCHROEPFER, 

AEOHITEOT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Room 38. Elevator in the building. 



526 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



MERCER'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

No. 17 POWELL ST., opn. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

i^^Special Attention paid lo Country Orders. ,^2 



R. HOE & GO. 



New York and London. 



SAN FRANCISCO AGENCY, 

TATUM & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

Where will be found Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT SUPERIORITY of our 

Lithograph. 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co 's generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



"We have a large stock of 

Second Hand Presses ! 

—VERY CHEAP— both of our own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



HIBERNIA 
Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 

OFFICERS: 

Pbesident M. D. SWEENY 

Vice-Pbesident , CD. O'SULLIVNA 

TRUSTEES- 
M. D. Sweeny, C. D. O'Sullivan, M. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gus. Touchard, 

R. J. Tobin, Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Tbeasubeb EDWARD MARTIN 

Attobney RICHARD TOBIN 

REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society will not be responsible for 
their Bafe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor should accompany hi first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will be delivered to the Agent by whom the 
deposit is made. 
Deposits received from 32.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 

jnly21-tf " 

<£C 4-a *ROi*"l P er aa y & t home. Samples worth S5 free 
<PU \l\J <P&\J Address Snxsoji & Co., Portland, Maine. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. | c. D. 0. SULLIVAN. jas. r. KELLY 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO,, 



CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Folk. 
o 

Henry .AJ: Likens & Co. 

Proprietors. 



Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 

San Francisco. 

' frOT.Tl All y worker can make $12 a day at home. Costly 
*■"-'■"•»■' Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



ti 



THE 



N 



iOTJlItlf!;l s 

lUMMMfhMMhWrfjMMt^!,^^; 



'X 




M ALDWIN," 

THE LEADING HOTEL 

OF SAN FRANCISCO, 
And the most Elegantly appointed Hotel in the 
World. Over $3,500,000 having been expended 
by Mr. Baldwin in its Construction and Furnish- 
ing. 
The only Hotel Having Sunlight in every Room 



Special Accommodations for Families and Large 
Parties. Prices the same as at other first-class 

,,:m ,,r,r LP,,!,;,-,] ,^f;f[HMiiriiK^^^f5 S t' mad^t'sot'el Coached t\ C°a" 

: T|ilTlVi : !'> :<, !'! | i'!?!!!!!('f , ;! l >l njii'lJiTllfeTtalTlJjli'fi l' in waiting at all Boats and Railway Depots. 
CW^ jIfrifff aff inal^ Eooms can be reserved before arriving, by 



?fe3^ 



Rfflglr; 



THE BALDWIN, 
A. MACABEE, Business Manager. 




m fii 



TOBACCO AND CIGARETTES! 

They are the BEST ! Always SMOKE MOIST 
and COOL ! 





S«& f. ^smarkets^Cp !S®3»^ 



^Vioyew^ San Francisco Cal 



'US THAT GOES 

to pieces- 




THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



527 



San Francisco and \ortli Pacific R. K. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOT. 11th, 1878, 
and until further notice, Trains and Boats 
will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, Washington Street Wharf.) 



Donahue," (Washington Street Wharf), connecting with 
Mall ami Express train at EH.nuhue. for Putalunm, Santa Rosa, 
Heuliisburg', Clovenlule ami way Btation6. Making Staye con- 
nections at Lake villa for Sonoma; at Geyserville fur Skagg*a 
Sprinys; at ClovL-rdalo for Ukiah, Lakeport, Mendocino City, 
and the Gdyaera. 

^.Connections made at Fulton on following morning for Kor- 
bel'e, Guenievilleand the Redwoods. Sundays excepted. 

[Arrive at San Francisco at 10.30 A. M.] 



^a,Frei(,'ht received from 7 A. M. to 2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 



A. HUGHES, A. A. BEAN, 
Geii. Manager. Sup't. 



P. E. DOUGHERTY, 
Gen. P. &T. Ag't. 



Corns, Bunions, Ingrowing 




Nails, Freckles, "Warts, Jloles, effectually cured by 

the celebrated Chiropodists, 

FEISTEL & «EKAKJ>, from Paris, 

838 Market Street, opp. Fourth. Parlors 2 and 3, up 
stairs. 



C KICKS «3te OQ„ 

BOOK BINDERS 

— a:se — 

Blank Book Manufacturers, 



jan5-tf 



543 Clay Street 

SAN FEANCISCO. 



YOUTHS' DIRECTORY, 

1417 Howard Street, 

(Maintained by the Citizens of San Francisca.) 
FREE 

Home aad Intelligence Bureau 

For Friendless Boys seeking Work. GOOD LADS 
FOB ANY SEBVICE, furnished without charges to 
Employers or Employees. Office Hours" 9 A. M. to 
1 P. M. A. P. DIETZ, Superintendent. 



The undersigned 
having had twenty 
years' experience, re- 
spectfully announces 
that he is prepared to 
take dogs in training, 
also that he has very 
fine "Pointer" pups for sale. 

FRED CUSHE, 
Mission Boad, opp. San Miguel. 




W^sJSTTED. 



In every City and Town in California, CANVAS- 
SEES for the 

Illustrated Wasp. 

Reliable parties out of employment, -will find thie 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
"Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 







H| (tSBETBOSrUPl^V 






"wholesale d Ea 7>^" 







528 



.THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




\^e>N NHY^Y AV^-m^, ^HVA^ ^KW \~\ &S. 3 



VOX. 3; 






Si 138 




„,^.s™rSa : 5 t. SanRrancisco. March z 2™ 1879 

N W COR OF KEARNY 5T: ■ h»Ulll lUllhlWyW^ " twl uli *~ AWIV^ 



; RECORDED AT SACRAMENTO CAL .1 
BY THE PUBLISHERS OF THE: WASP 




OP£N/A/6 Of Ttf£ P/C-A//C S£/}SO/V 



530 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 

— AT — 

602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 



TEEMS- 
CITY SUBSCRIBERS 
Thirty-five cents per month delivered by carrier. 
Single copies, ten cents. 



BY MAIL 
To all parts of the United States, Canada and British 
Columbia, 

(INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE) 

(Postage Free) 

One Year .... $4.00 
Six Months - - $2.00 

Three Months - - - $1.00 



TO ALL PARTS OF EUROPE: 
^Postage Free) 



One Year 
Six Months 
Three Months 



$5.00 
$2.50 
$1.25 



Notice to Country News Dealers. — The San 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmasters. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, MARCH 22, 1879. 



" 'Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



In Nashville a man shot and killed his 
mother-in-law the other day and the papers 
have the cheek to assert that there was no 
provocation for the deed. 



That Lieutenant-General Denis is "stir- 
ring the Workingmen (?) up" is amply evi- 
denced by the three "stirring" defeats which 
his faction received last week. Keep on 
"stirring"! 



"When an intellectual giant like the Honor- 
able' (?) Thomas Fitch (the Arizona patent- 
divorce man) undertakes to crush an intel- 
lectual pigmy like Robert Ingersoll the re- 
sult cannot but be an appalling smash up of 
the latter. That the Honorable (?). Thomas 
is a first-class man at assisting a degraded 
blackguard to throw off his legal wife when 
tired of her charms, is a fact which very few 
well informed people will care to dispute. 
But if all he does not know about "materia- 
lism" and "infidels" was collected in one 
book would form a rather large sized volume. 



PECULIAR PEOPLE. 

THE YOUNG MAN FROM THE COUNTEI. 

America is, above all others, the land in 
which this class of character flourishes. He 
is born amid waving fields of corn, beautiful 
hillsides dotted with flowers, glorious forests 
of primeval trees, etc, By instinct he learns 
to yoke oxen, to feed pigs and to gather 
eggs. Afar off from the busy turmoil and 
strife which marks life in the large centres 
of population his intellect develops and ex- 
pands. So strong and unmistakable is this 
development and expansion that at a very 
early age he becomes convinced that nature, 
in casting his lot amid the cows and horses 
and ducks, made a great mistake — whether 
intentionally or not he does not know. He 
revolves in his mind the history and names 
of famous men who like himself were the 
victims of a similar mistake at the hands of 
a similar power and who rectified that mis- 
take by rushing headlong into some busy 
metropolis and there winning fortune and 
distinction — plucking bright honor from the 
pale-faced moon, so to speak. And so he 
comes to the city. 

The city does not seem, to be as much ex- 
cited over his arrival as it might be — but 
then he hardly expected to create much of a 
furore all at once. He is content to wait and 
work patiently for a month or two before be- 
coming a millionaire, a genius and a great 
man. Confident of his own powers he can 
afford to wait. The others, the country 
raised geniuses whose names have become 
historical as Merchant Princes, Inventors, 
Lawyers, Statesmen, Authors, Book Agents, 
etc., all plodded along through weary years 
climbing up the ladder step by step. The 
city, he recollects, did not turn out en masse 
to give them a public reception when they 
first arrived, and so he is not cast down by 
the coolness of his reception. He is, how- 
ever, a little disturbed by the fact that the 
gentleman who kindly offered to hold his 
valise while he went to look after his trunk 
was not on hand when he came back. 

"The Young Man from the Country" 
comes to the city brimful of talent, but, usu- 
ally, that talent does not run in any particu- 
lar direction ; it is general in its scope and 
may be directed into any channel, with great 
effect. Circumstances, fate, Providence — if 
you wish — must decide in what direction it 
will be used. Occasionally, however, he 
comes with a particular talent. Perhaps it 
is for cabinet making. His red-headed sis- 
ter, we will say, gets into the rocking chair 
with her beau and, while rearing on its hind 
legs, the darned thing falls over and bursts. 
Sue doesn't want the old man to know that 
she has been rocking in the same chair with 
her beau and so she goes to her brother who 
is reckoned pretty handy and gets him to 
mend the chair. But the old man does find 
out and he is delighted to discover that he 
has a son capable of doing such a job; and, 
moreover, he shows the chair to his neigh- 
bors and and they all agree that the- untu- 
tored genius which could do such .a job 
would with proper training achieve wonder- 



ful success. So the boy goes to bed with 
visions of a triumphant career, culminating 
in his becoming possessor of an enormous 
furniture factory, running through his brain ; 
and then he falls asleep and dreams that he 
has invented a new kind of double action, 
clipper built, and copperfastened spring bed 
— a bed which never allows bugs to come 
near it, a bed on which a sleepless night is 
impossible, a bed which renders sickness a 
pleasure; and he dreams that he goes abroad 
with this bed and that Emperors and Kings 
and potentates of one order and another hear 
of it and invite him to come and take supper 
with them and shower gold upon him and de- 
corate him and Knight him, and make a Peer 
and a Count and a Marquis out of him, 
and he becomes the most famous man of mo- 
dern times. Thus he keeps on, thereafter, 
dreaming day and night, asleep and awake, 
until he comes to the city; then the dream 
ends and the hard realistic struggle begins. 
He may realise the furniture factory vision 
and the spring bed dream — but the chances 
are that he wont. However, don't be discour- 
aged, boys. Horace Greeley, Bayard Tay- 
lor, Emperor Norton, and many other famous 
men came from the country. A few bashful 
ones break down but the great majority suc- 
ceed. 



AXD THERE WERE TWELVE RIGHTEOUS 
MEN! 

San Francisco has before now been called 
the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. In fact 
its reputation for extreme wickedness is so 
very pronounced that many very excellent 
people are almost afraid to live within its 
confines. For years past it has been a mat- 
ter of astonishment to the more sedate and 
more orthodox, that the outraged powers of 
Heaven did not, in their anger and petulence, 
hurl destruction at it as they did at its an- 
cient prototype. But these nervous fears 
have evidently had their foundation in an 
absence of thought and information. In the 
first place the men who write the chronicles 
of current events now a days are not gifted 
with such singularly vivid imaginations as 
they who performed similar work in the olden 
times were, and, consequently, it is almost 
impossible for them to destroy a city without 
having a substratum of facts to go upon. 
In the second jjlace, a casual perusal of bi- 
blical lore discloses the fact that Sodom and 
Gomorrah would not have been destroyed 
had it been possible to find in it an absurdly 
small number of righteous men. Now there 
is no reasonable ground for believing that 
Divine clemency is not as great now as it was . 
then, and as we possess, without going out- 
side of our Board of Supervisors, a greater 
number of righteous men than was then de- 
manded it must be clearly apparent that 
there can be no danger of our suffering anni- 
hilation. 

That the Board of Supervisors does pos- 
sess such righteousness is a fact that cannot 
be questioned. Its action in passing an or- 
dinance prohibiting, the production of the 
Passion Play is incontrovertable evidence of 
thai fact. Of course there are querulous in- 
dividuals who say that if the said Board was 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



531 



to devote its superfluous energies towards re- 
straining the dishonest and extravagant pro- 
pensities of its members and of a great num- 
ber of city and county officials, its efforts 
would be far more appreciated by the people 
•who elected it. But then those who 
say so forget that it is no part of the duty of 
a saintly christian supervisor to do, or seek 
to do, that which will be appreciated by the 
people. When elected he is placed above 
the people and his bounden duty is to squan- 
der the money of those who elected him 
(taking care that as much as possible of that 
which he squanders finds its way into his own 
pocket) and to prevent any person from out- 
raging that Godly reverence for sacred things 
which he possesses and which every one 
should possess. 

The fact that it is said that a number of the 
members of the present Board of Supervisors 
spend about half of each Monday night, after 
the adjournment of their meeting, gambling in 
the back room of a saloon and that some of them 
have been present at every brutal exhibition 
of pugilism which has been given in this city 
for years past, should not be regarded as in 
anywise incompatible with the attitude of of- 
fended christian Godliness which they as- 
sumed towards Mr. Morse's play. In the 
case of any ordinary individual it might be 
so regarded; but Supervisors are not ordi- 
nary individuals and cannot be judged upon 
general principles. In fact their province is 
to judge, not to be judged. It is, of course, 
absurd to suppose that a man who has suo- 
oessfully pulled the wires of a nominating 
convention is bound to observe, in the dis 
charge of his public duties, ordinary honesty 
sagacity and vigilance. It would be as rea- 
sonable to expect him to go home and lead 
the family prayer when there is a nice 
game of poker going on in a comfortable bar 
parlor, or to attend bible class when a couple 
of good boxers are pounding each other's 
faces out of shape at some public hall. 



man, who knew nothing whatever of the 
Chinese character and habits, who did not 
have the faintest idea of why the people of 
this Coast desired to check the influx of the 
Mongolians, wrote learned scathing articles 
denouncing the attitude of the Pacific States. 
And why ? Because the country is too large 
This kind of thing may last for a time. 
We are but a young community, our popula- 
tion is sparse, and we are not yet able to cut 
ourselves adrift from the parent stem. But 
it must not be forgotten that we are every 
day growing older and larger in population, 
and when our friends across the continent 
tell us a few more times that we are all 
"hoodlums," we may conclude to relieve 
them of our company. 



[See Double-page Illustration."] 
SHALL IT BE THUS ! 

"When a country gets to be so large that 
one portion of it has no sympathy for the 
troubles of another portion of it, when the 
various sections have no regard for the in- 
terest and welfare of each other, then it has 
got to be too large to exist under one govern- 
ment, if that government be founded upon 
free and representative institutions. This, 
of course, is rank sedition, but still it is the 
truth. 

The discussion provoked by the passage of 
of the late anti-Chinese Bill through the 
House disclosed the fact that the people of 
the East have not the slightest regard for 
the welfare of the people of this Coast. 
From the Atlantic to the Rocky Mountains, 
from the St. Lawrence to the Gulf, the press 
of the Atlantic States has, with a unanimity 
that was as unusual as it was charming, de- 
dounced our people as "hoodlums." And that, 
too, simply because that Congress was asked 
to pass a law which did not effect any other 
portion of the Union except this Coast. Men 
who have never in their lives seen a China- 



[See Illustration on Last Page.] 
NEXT ; 

The principal, one might say the distin- 
guishing, feature in the short career of the 
W. P. C. is the rapidity with which the more 
prominent members of the organization show 
the cloven hoof. Founded, as the organiza- 
tion is, upon the belief that outside its own 
ranks there is neither honesty nor truth nor 
virtue in the land it seems strange that so 
many of its founders and leaders should, 
when weighed in the balance, be found want- 
ing. Perhaps the climate of the Sand-lots 
disagrees with their virtue. 

Of course it is absurd to say or to think 
that when these men started in to reform the 
government and people of the country they 
were themselves badly in need of refor- 
mation. That could not be. No man who is 
not in himself the incarnation of purity 
would think of getting up on a public stand 
and accusing his fellow men of being "day- 
light robbers" and "mid-night thieves." 
Such a thing could not be done; only a dis- 
eased or grossly prejudiced brain could be- 
lieve it possible. It must be the climate of 
those Sand-lots which thus ruthlessly des- 
troys morality; they are too near the foul ef- 
fluvia which emanates from the City Hall. 
They should, they must, be removed. If our 
reformers keep on falling into evil reputa- 
tions during the next year at the same rate 
that they have during the past one, there 
won't be enough good "honest Working- 
men (?)" left in the country, at the expira- 
tion of that time, to reform a billy goat. 
And then the country will walk right off to 
the residence of his Satanic Majesty sure 
enough. 

In the mean time the next fall of incor- 
ruptable virtue may be looked for at any 
moment. "One by one the roses fade." 



honest management of local institutions, 
etc., are questions which have no earthly 
connection with National affairs and there- 
fore there is no earthly reason why men who 
agree in opinion upon National affairs should 
not disagree upon local matters. 

In commenting upon the result of the late 
Oakland election, a Sacramento paper said 
that running a "Citizens' Ticket" was a mis- 
take. That it created no enthusiasm and 
appealed to no party sentiment. Now that 
is just what is to be desired. In a municipal 
election enthusiasm and party sentiment are 
as much out of place as they would be in elect- 
ing a Board of Dirctors for a Bank. A muni- 
cipal government should be a mere business 
arrangement conducted upon business prin- 
ciples. 

This new party proposes to devote itself 
solely to municipal affairs. It wants and 
should receive the assistance of all tax-pay- 
ing citizens who are desirous of seeing more 
honesty, ability, and economy displayed in 
the disbursing of their money. And, it may 
be added, that for a young party its pros- 
pects are highly flattering. Its first public 
meeting, which was held at Hamilton Hall 
on Wednesday evening last, was attended by 
about four hundred people, all of whom be- 
longed to the respectable tax-paying class. 



THE MUNICIPAL REFORM PARTY. 

We desire to call the attention of our rea- 
ders to the platform of the "Muncipal Re- 
form Party." This is an organization which 
aims to give us a good, honest, economical 
City Government — a thing which is badly 
needed in San Francisco. The great curse 
of all American civic governments is, as we 
said once before, the engrafting upon them 
of National politics. The making and keep- 
ing clean of public streets, the economic and 



[ See Illustration on First Page. J 
OPENING OF THE PIC-NIC SEASON. 

Now therefore brethern the season is at 
hand when the festive warrior brusheth up 
his brass buttons and taking the deadly mus- 
ket and bayonet upon his shoulder he goeth 
forth to consume the whiskey bottle; yea and 
verily to vanquish the same. But behold I 
say unto you that he oftimeB over-estimateth 
his powers and the whiskey bottle getteth 
the better of him and throweth him down 
and rolleth him in the mud and bruiseth his 
face and generally playetu the deuse with 
him. 

And at this season of the year the festive 
young lady goeth forth to the pic-nic also; 
and behold her beau, whose income is but 
ten dollars per week, groaneth in the bitter- 
ness of his spirit. For verily I say unto you 
he knoweth that his funds will be recklessly 
squandered and that his grasping avaricious 
landlady will be "staved off" from time to 
time until her just indignation breaketh 
bounds and she taketh him by the scruff of 
the neck and landed him upon the sidewalk. 
And behold he will be teetotally cleared out 
and will not have where to lay his head. 
And to crown all the girl will go and marry 
the other fellow who stayed at home and 
saved his money. 

Now, therefore, brethern be ye firm in 
mind and strong of purpose and let not the 
strains of the Brass Band seduce you. 



The course of the Chronicle in constantly 
casting at Mr. Grove L. Johnson the epithet 
"forger," is getting to be a little sickening; 
just a trifle monotonous. A man who made 
one mistake in life is not to be eternally 
condemned therefor. Prudence and hu- 
manity claim for him a chance to do better. 



532 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



Peace Hath Victories No Less Glorious Than Those of War. 




Mil I 






K* 



The First Encounter. 



A Sudden Attack. 



lllllll 




Taken Prisoner. 



The War Indemnity. 



Peace. 



Studies About Thebes. 

It was on the eve of the battle of Leuctra, 
and Pelopidas, who had made a hard march, 
was looking dismally at one of his sandals, 
whieh needed half-soleing very badly. 

"It puts me in mind," he said, lifting up 
the flapping edges, "of Bunions Soley Wore. 
I can't walk till I get it fixed, either." 

Epaminondas shook his head reproachful- 
ly at his friend, whom he had noticed was 
becoming addicted to that sort of thing. 

"You remind me" he said, presently, after 
a silent interval in which he had been think- 
ing about the national debt, and wondering 
who was going to pay it, "you remind me of 
an old wooden pump." 

"And wherefore ?" asked Pelopidas. 



"Because," said Epaminondas, "It won't 
work without its sandal." 

Pelopidaa was amazed, as well he might be 
for Epaminondas, you know, was a good 
young man ; Nepos says he was modeslus, 
conlinens, prudens, gravis, "teacher of a 
young lady's Bible class ;" periius belli, 
"careful of his money ;" fortis manu, "afraid 
of women ;" animo maxima, "a red ribbon 
man." Adeovenlalis deligns, "and was expel- 
led from the paragrapher's association ;" id 
nejoco, ' 'because he wouldn't even lie a little ;" 
guidem memtirelur, "for the sake of a joke." 

So Pelodidas only stared. 

"Is its sandal," he asked after a while, "so 
essential then to its succor ?" 

Epaminondas looked scornfully and pity- 
ingly at his friend. 

"You talk," he said, "like a contributor to 



an English funny paper. Let this be the last 
of such conversations between us. " 

"That sounds like PiMc/;,"said Pelopidas. 

"You are getting the upper hand of me." 
And he laid a warning accent oh the 'upper' 
like a guidepost at the cross roads. 

"Then," said Epaminofcda, "if that is awi 
you have to say, allow me to waxed end to 
you the hand of friendship." 

"Agreed," said the friend, "aid this will 
heel the breaches of controversy." 

Epanminondas constat utriasque, was about 
to get in ;"' nee ac7-ius poiuisse, "something 
about 'pegged out;' " sed omnes ante se me- 
moriae, "when it occurred to both of them ;" 
fuissn urbi atque imperio, that they were get- 
ting their jokes," si quando opifidum, "about 
eighteen centuries ;" qui sua iueri non poterat 
"ahead of their time." 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



533 




Dm any person ever hear history repeating 
itself? 

A house may have spirits in it and yet not 
be haunted — that is ardent spirits. 

It is, of course, natural that a man should 
be vexed when he is "put out." 

A man in this city made his mark the other 
day. He was signing a deed and could not 
write. 

"When it is stated that a notorious drunk- 
ard "drinks like a fish" don't believe it. A 
fish never drinks anything but water. 

Solomon said; "Goto the ant thou slug- 
gard"; and sure enough young Smith does 
go to his rich aunt — every time he is broke. 

This year the sun will be eclipsed twice 
and the moon once. There is, also, a chance 
that the Kern County poet may eclipse Long- 
fellow. 

Deeds are fruits. — Solema Ex. Very often 
the deed which conveys a man's last 
piece of property away, is the fruit of his 
extravagance. 

Metals vary in specific gravity — but there 
is no variation in the gravity of the store- 
keeper who discovers that he has taken in a 
bad five-dollar piece. 

A man may be said to be "between wind 
and water" when he has the alternative of 
listening to a prosy lecture or going home 
through a rain storm. 

Talmage says that every man should strive 
to leave tracks behind him — a successful 
burglar of this city thinks quite the opposite. 
Great minds will diner. 

It is calculated that nineteen pounds of 
corn — in a liquid state — will knock a man 
out of time That is if properly delivered 
with a fusil oil accompanyment. 

Eugene Lie is the name of a San Francisco 
lawyer. This item is not published as an 
advertisement but for the purpose of sugges- 
ting that the name seems appropriate. 

A Chinese proverb says that great souls 
have strong wills. The prevailing opinion, 
however, is that an average American Pro- 
bate Court could break the strongest of them. 

There is a Mohawk Indian girl in her 
teens, at Millpoint, Canada, who weighs 332 
pounds. Mohawk may be all right, but 
there is plenty of that girl without any moh. 

The fact that the American continent con- 
tains so many bald-headed men is what riles 



the red savage, but the Government does 
not seem to have discovered this important 
fact yet. 

There is a man in this city who has under- 
taken to wink one hundred and eight thou- 
sand times in three thousand hours. If he 
succeeds another great scientific fact will be 
established. 

"Some one will kiss me while I am away' 
is the title of a new song. Married ladies 
about going oft' to the sea-side for the sum- 
mer months are advised not to sing it to 
their husbands. 

Confucius wrote : To be rich without being 
proud is easy. But then Confusius never 
wore a high collar, a plated chain, and a 
brass ring; he wasn't able to appreciate the 
effect of displayed riches. 

Supposing that, when one of those confoun- 
ded Southern Brigadiers has the floor of the 
United States Congress, he should take into 
his treasonable head the notion that it would 
be a very good joke to walk off with it? 

We have all heard the expression : " As mad 
as a March hare"; but no March hare was ever 
half so mad as young Jones when he found 
that his sister had cut off the six hairs which 
he denominates moustache while he was asleep 
the other day. 

The editor of the Watsonville Transcript 
called a young lawyer of that lively village 
named Dodge a "malicious liar." The 
young lawyer promptly replied by having the 
Knight of the Paste Pot and Shears arrested 
for libel. This may be a new dodge in ad- 
vertising — and again it may not. 

It is said that the wife of President Grevy 
can ride a steeplechase, paint a landscape, 
compose a poem and play the piano like an 
angel. — Ex. Yes, but can she get up in the 
morning light the fire, cook breakfast, clean 
her husband's boots, and then go up stairs 
and help him to dress ? That's the question. 

The mind of the average young man is 
never so painfully alive to the mysteries of 
the great hereafter as when he slowly mean- 
ders home from the church festival which 
has cleared out his entire cash assets — but 
the hereafter of which he thinks is "sparring" 
some restaurant keeper for next morning's 
breakfast. 

There are those who are disposed to make 
light of the difficulties of keeping house; but 
when it is borne in mind that in the mere 
matter of selecting material to compose an 
apple pie the patient housewife has to choose 
between two thousand, three hundred and 
sixty varieties of apples, the injustice of this 
will be appreciated. 

"You cannot dream yourself into a char- 
acter," is a philosophical reflection going the 
rounds of the press. No one would think of 
disputing such a self-evident truism; but, 
would it not be more appropriate to say: 
"You cannot dream yourself into your pants, 
in the morning 1" The latter expression 
might not be so elegant but it would be more 
expressive. 




Divorces Should be Made Easier. — This is a 
work from the flowing pen of the silver- 
tongued Arizona Orator. After laying down 
a few general and highly moral principles, 
the author branches off on a particular case 
which came under his own observation. He 
recites that there once was a medical man 
living in a city not a thousand miles from 
San Francisco. In the course of events he 
met an estimable lady to whom he made love 
and finally married. For a time they lived 
happily and contentedly, but only for a time. 
In the course of a year or two, the simple 
pleasures of the matrimonial estate began to 
taste insipid to this worthy disciple of Escu- 
lapfeus ; the charms of his wife began to pall 
upon him. A man of cultured and esthetic 
tastes requires variety. Finally the doctor 
met a young lady named Annie Joiner ; a 
young lady of many charms and in moral 
ideas not at all prudish or particular. Just 
at that time the doctor discovered that the 
heart which he thought he had given away a 
few years before was still in his possession, 
and for fear of losing it, he gave it to Miss 
Annie to keep for him. This young lady 
readily enough consented to do, and to show 
that his confidence was reciprocated, she 
gave her's into his keeping. Just at this 
time, however, a kind of damper was thrown 
over the proceedings by the obstinate refusal 
of the doctor's wife to take her baby and step 
aside in favor of the younger and fresher 
woman. And this damper became still 
greater when it was discovered that even the 
liberal divorce laws of California and Utah 
would not set aside the claims of this trouble- 
some woman and her child. In her great 
bitterness and vexation of spirit poor Annie 
"turned her little white face to the wall." 
Many women have before this turned their 
little white faces to the wall and never a 
word has been written about the fact ; but 
there is a singular interest attached to this 
incident, from the fact that the young lady 
turned her "little white face" in that direc- 
tion with the intention of dying, and was 
only prevented from carrying out that inten- 
tion by the efforts of a facetious fly which 
was resting on the said wall, and which kept 
winking at her in an exasperating way, until 
she got mad and jumped up to bust it in the 
snoot. By the time she had gained her feet, 
of course, the fly was gone, but the jump 
brought her face to face with the map of 
Arizona and a grand idea. She saw before 
her a gathering of the people's representatives. 
A gathering which had come together for 
the purpose of rectifying the wrongs — especi- 
ally the marital ones — of the world ; and a 
Governor animated by a similar philanthropic 
motive. She saw the doctor's ducats passing 
round amongst these patriots and — the end 
attained. Straightway she packed Uncle 
Tom and the doctor off to Arizona, and sure 
enough the end was attained. From these 
facts the author argues that it is outrageous 
that a man should be obliged to go to all 
this trouble in order to get rid of a wife of 
whom he has tired, In short he advocates 
that divorces be made easier. 



534 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



More Bitter than Death. 



CHAPTER XI.— Continued. 



4 b 



~T is strange," she said, "but your 
B face is equally familiar to me. It is not in 
Jl dream-thoughts, that I have seen it, though, 
but in real life; yet I do not remember to have met 
you. I have <*een Signor Yarini — I saw him in Lon- 
don — but you were not with him." 

"No; I should have remembered you, Lady Lau- 
raine, had I seen you," he returned. 

Then the first bell rang for dinner. 

"You will hardly have time to dress," she said. 

His delicate face flushed, 

"I have not dined with Lord Lauraine," he told 
her. I have hitherto dined at five and spent the 
evenings in the woods." 

"That has not been Lord Lauraine's fault, I am 
sure," she said. "You will dine with us for the fu- 
ture, and spend the evenings in the drawing-room, 
you will have plenty of time for the study of color in 
the woods. Now I will not detain you;" and with 
those words she moved away, leaving him in a maze 
of bewilderment. 

It wus a puzzle to him afterwards to know how he 
had dressed. All that he saw before him was the 
face of his dreams; all that he heard was the voice 
that seemed to have in itself the whole music of 
earth. 

He contrived to reach the drawing-room jast as 
the brilliant company was about to defile into the 
dining-room. Lady Lauraine introduced him to a 
very pretty young lady, Miss Anne Corr; but Leo 
just at that time saw nothing, thought of nothing but 
his hostess. It was strange, too, how often during 
dinner their eyes met — and the same thought came 
to both of them, "Where have I seen that face be- 
fore." 

CHAPTER XII. 

Lady Lauraine could not imagine what had come 
over her life — it was all changed. She had now but 
one desire — to converse with the young artist. The 
time seemed wasted in which she was not talking to 
him. He had a fascination for her which she could 
not understand. The sound of his voice soothed 
and calmed her — she liked to hear his opinions. 
Above all, she enjoyed hearing him discourse about 
his art. 

"You seem to me to have lived in dreams, Sir. 
Bray," she said to him one day; and he smiled as he 
answered her. 

"Yes; I have had strange fancies as far back as I 
can remember. I have dreamed of great spreading 
trees and a clear, purling brook. I do not know if I 
ever lived, when a child, near such trees, but I have 
dreamed them as far back as I can remember." 
She looked up at him quickly. 
"Where was your home when you were a child?" 
she asked. 

"I do not know. I remember no home until I 
lived at Skelton; since then I have had so many 
homes." 

"But your mother, your father, and friends?" said 
Lady Lauraine. 

"I called poor Mrs. Bray my mother just as she 
forced me to call Mr. Bray my father; but in my 
heart I do not believe I was her child." 

"Why not?" asked her ladyship, deeply interested 
in this story of his lonely life. 

"I cannot tell why. In the first place, I did not 
love her as I think I should have loved my own 
mother. She was kind to me, and I was grateful — 
there our affection ended; we had not one thought 
in common. I have my ideal mother." 

"An ideal mother?" questioned Lady Lauraine. 
"Tell me about her." 

The light deepened in his lustrous eyes. 
"Only a poet could describe that mother," he said 
"She has a sweet face, a musical voice and fair hair. 
She has got soft, sweet lips, and fair white hands; 
her face is bright, but the brightness is that of heav- 
en, not earth. She speaks in a low tone and utters 
words of such tender wisdom. Then in my dreams 
it seems to me that this ideal mother died when I 
was quite a little child — died, holding me in her 
arms. That is my ideal mother, Lady Lauraine; but 
the one to whom I gave the name of mother was a 
kind, sensible, commonplace woman — different from 
the mother I kept in my heart as night differs from 
morning." 

"How strange!" said Lady Lauraine. 
"Yes, it is strange. I never thought about my 
past life much, but I feel sure some beautiful being 
smiled at me and kissed me and wept over me when 
I was young. It must have been this ideal mother 
of mine. How I have loved this dream mother, Lady 
Lauraine, I cannot tell you. I have envied every 
one I knew who had a mother to love and care for. 
So they talked during the long sunny hours — for 
by this time they had become confidential friends. 



Lady Lauraine could not understand why she was 
not so thoroughly at her ease with him, but why she 
liked his society. She admitted to herself that her 
life was quite different now that he was under her 
roof. Why she liked him, wished to be near him, 
enjoyed chatting with him, was all a mystery to her 
— the only thing she felt and understood was that 
some strange spell bound him to her. 

"If I could only see my Leo," she said, "he would 
be like the young artist, I am sure. He had a fair 
face, and golden brown curls; he would be about his 
age too. Perhaps it is why I like Mr. Bray." 

It was her great delight, when the Earl had gone 
out riding or driving, to invite Leo to accompany 
her into the gardens; then, seated by some fountain, 
or in a bower of roses, or where the sunlight glinted 
on sheaves of white lillies, they would talk without 
interruption. 

The young artist felt something like worship for 
the beautiful queenly woman who was kind to him as 
no one had been before. He told her the story of 
his life at Skelton; and she, attracted by the name, 
made him repeat it. It was a simple omission that 
he never mentioned the name of Stonor — he talked 
of Richard Bray, and told how he had ruined him- 
self. 

■'I always had a vague idea," continued Leo, "that 
I had some money. Mrs. Bray spoke to me several 
times, as though, when I began life, I should have 
money to start with; but, if ever there was any, it is 
all gone now." 

Then he told her how he had been a whole day 
without food — how, cold, hungry, and weary, he had 
sought shelter under the portico of the fashionable 
hall where the tenor was singing. Tears came into 
Lady Lauraine's eyes as she heard the story. 

"And that was Verner St. George," she said. "I 
heard him sing when I was in London, and I 
thought him the prince of tenors. I shall know him 
now for something even better than the sweetest 
singer of his day." 

He had but the story of his art life to tell her then 
— it was very brief. 

"Now," she said, "the remainder of your life lies 
before you; what will it be like, I wonder? When I 
was quite young, I used to wonder what life held for 
me." 

"It has held much beauty and brightness," he an- 
swered. 

"It has held a tragedy — just as we sometimes see a 
grave covered with flowers." 

Then she remembered what she was saying — open- 
ing to this stranger the secret of her heart of hearts. 
She tried to smile as she looked at him, but her lips 
quivered; and he, who had reverenced as much as he 
had loved her, turned his head away, not liking to 
witness her emotion. Then Rose Lorrimer joined 
them, and the conversation became general. 

There was one person in the house who noted this 
growing intimacy — who had watched with intense 
delight what he thought was Lady Lauraine's flirta- 
tion with the young artist. For twenty years he had 
watched her with lynx-like eyes, and he had never 
discovered one action that even he, with all his hate, 
could misinterpret, except that of examining her hus 
band's papers. He knew that she had a sorrow in 
her life — he knew no more — but now, to his delight, 
he saw her, at he believed, flirting with the young 
artist. 

Even the patience of love is not so great as the pa- 
tience of hate. Albert Lauraine assured himself that 
all hope was not lost yet; there was but one life, 
and that not a strong one, between himself and the 
coveted earldom. If the young heir died, and his 
mother, the countess could by any means, fair or 
foul, be degraded from her high estate, then he 
would be sure of his object. 

He watched her closely; in all those twenty years 
this was the first time that he had seen her interest- 
ed in a stranger. She was more than interested now 
— the way in which she talked to him, looked at him 
waited for him, studied his comforts, was proof suffi- 
cient. Something would come of it, he was sure, 
and resolved to watch with redoubled zeal. 

One evening Lord Lauraine went up to town. Al- 
bert Lauraine made some excuse about having busi- 
ness to attend to, and the two ladies were alone with 
Leo at Rainewold. Lady Lauraine went to the gal- 
lery where he was busily engaged at work. 

"Mr. Bray," she said, "Miss Lorrimore and I are 
going to have a holiday — come with us. We are go- 
ing to Atherton Dean. It is a beautiful walk: 
can rest at the cottage, and come home at sunset." 

He was only too delighted. The three started to- 
gether. They were sitting on a pretty bank that 
sloped down to a narrow stream, when Bose cried 
suddenly — 

"Lady Lauraine — I have never noticed it before — 
look at Mr, Bray's forehead — it is the exact shape of 
yours." 

Lady Lauraine laughed lightly at first; and then 
her face grew more serious as she found that the 
statement was perfectly true. 

"How strange!" Hose added. "Not only Mr 
Bray's forehead, but his hair and the shape of his 
lips are like yours. Why Lady Lauraine, Mr. Bray 



might be your younger brother! Do you not see the 
likeness?" 

"I do, now that you have drawn my attention to it 
Rose. I did not before." 

"In fact, Mr. Bray, you are more like Lady Lau- 
raine than her own son is," declared Kose. 

How Lady Lauraine started at the words! She 
looked at the face of the young artist. It was true; 
she saw it now — that marvellous likeness to herself 
She wondered that she had not noticed it beiore — 
she wondered that others had not seen it. 

Of course it was quite accidental; such things hap- 
pened at times. She had heard strange stories of 
wonderful resemblances— Mr. Bray's resemblance 
was as unaccountable as any she had met with. 

CHAPTER XIII. 

How it came to pass Leo did not know. His 
thoughts at first had been all with Lady Lauraine; 
her beauty, her grace, her kindness, the mysterious 
attraction that she had for him, the strange sympa- 
thy that seemed to unite them — all these had at first 
engrossed him, and he had not thought about any- 
one else. It was by degrees that tho sweet face of 
Bose had stolen upon him and filled his heart until 
he had lost it completely. He had never thought of 
loving her — indeed, falling in love was most remote 
from his thoughts 

It was the first time he had ever been thrown into 
the society of a young girl of her »ge and station. 
He hardly remembered to have spoken to a young 
girl; and, unknown to himself, he had found a great 
charm in her companionship. 

It so happened that about this time Lord Lauraine 
was frequently from home. There was a general 
election at hand, and he took a lively interest in pre- 
paring for it. To serve his party he worked almost 
night and day. Having considerable influence in 
county, he used it for political purposes; it was no 
unfrequent thing for him to be absent two or three 
days at a time. 

It was during these periods of absence that the 
mischief was done. Albert Lauraine would have in- 
finitely preferred remaining at home, in order to 
watch for that which he hoped would happen; but 
the Earl insisted on having him with him. Lady 
Lauraine never thought of what was likely to occur. 
She and Rose and the young artist were happy to- 
gether; and that Mr. Bray should fall in love with 
her niece never struck her. 

Rose was not perhaps what the world would 
call beautiful, but her face was very fair and 
sweet. She had large gray eyes, with long dark 
lashes, a low white forehead, dark brownhair, and a 
clear complexion. She was very simple and gentle 
in her manners — a delicate graceful girl. She was 
clever and accomplished, her great charm being her 
really natural character. The very sound of her 
laughter did one's heart good; the red lips, the white 
teeth, the pretty dimples all charmed. Leo delighted 
to see her laugh; and, after a time, he liked to see 
her blush, to watch the flickering color mount even 
to the white brow. Before he knew it he was in love 
with sweet Bose Lorrimer; and with him to love once 
was to love always. 

He discovered the real state of his feelings one 
day when Rose, who was very fond of drawing, and 
had great talent for it, came to ask his advice about 
a sketch that she was making of a ruined keep. He 
took the pencil from her hands and showed her what 
she wanted to know. 

"Thank you," she said simply. "I am sure if you 
gave me a few lessons, Mr. Bray, I should draw very 
well." 

"I should like to do so above all things,'' replied 
Leo. 
Her face flushed at his vehement tones. 
"I will ask Lady Lalti-aine," she said gently. 
"Would the Earl be willing ?" inquired the young 
artist. 

The gray eyes gleamed with laughter, and the 
pretty dimples came into play. 

"I should not ask him," she replied,) "Just at 
present all Lord Lauraine's interest is centred in the 
election at Lilborough; a few drawing lessons can 
have no possible concern for him. If Lady Lauraine 
is willing, I need not say anything to the Earl. Will 
you mind the trouble Mr. Bray?" 

The two young faces came a little nearer; the 
gray eyes looked for half a second into the depths of 
the violet ones. 

"I will tell you what I should like to learn, Mr. 
Bray — to sketch from nature. If Lady Lauraine 
will let me study that with you, I shall call her an 
angel. 

"She is an angel," said Leo gravely. 
"I shall get on well with my drawing while you 
are here, Mr. Bray," remarked Rose; "but what 
shall I dc when you are gone?" 

"G-one!" he repeated; and Rose, raising her fair 
head, they looked at each uiher. "Do you know I 
had forgotten I must go from here again." 

"That is the dream of the lotus-eater," she said 
half sadly. 

"I have been a lotus eater," he confessed. "I had 
forgotten that I should ever have to go away from 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



535 



Lady Lauraine and you. I am sorry that I have re- 
membered it; all the beauty is gone from the day." 

"I am sorry too, said Eoae. "I should like to 
have you to live here always; it would be very nice. 
Do you know, Mr. Bray, Lady Lauraine is so much 
brighter and more cheerful siuce you have been here 
for her sake," added innocent Rose, "I wish you 
could stay." 

Leo sighed. 

"The pictures will take some months longer to fin- 
ish," he said, "and the beautiful Summer lies before 
us; we will not think of winter and parting just yet. 
Shall you speak to the Couutess to-day, Miss Lorri- 
nier?" 

"Yes." 

Rose spoke that same day. 

"Lady Lauraine," she said, will you give me per- 
mission to take a few drawing lessons from Mr. 
Bray? I should like to learn to sketch from nature, 
and he is quite willing to teach me." 

"I have no objection, Rose, " said the Countess, 
"If Mr. Bray is quite willing." 

"I am sure he is," returned Rose demurely. 

Aud so the fatal arrangement was made. After 
that Rose and the young artist spent several hours 
of each day together sketching in the woods, where 
the Countess reclined amongst the fern-leaves read- 
ing, while the two young people busied themselves 
over their task. 

The work was very pleasant, but it was to have a 
bitter ending. The thought of danger never crossed 
the mind of the Countess — to her, Rose was simply 
a laughing child, with a sweet dimpled face, and Mr. 
Bray was an artistic wonder. That they should learn 
to love each other did not occur to her. 

It came like a revelation to Leo himself. Rose 
had been drawing a fine group of beech-trees one 
day, when she asked him which of all the trees he 
liked the best. 

"I have two favorites," he answered her; "one is 
the lime when in blossom, the other the chestnut in 
flower." 

"Which is your favorite flower?" she asked; and he 
answered — 

"The flower of all the poets, the rose." 

Again their eyes met, and the girl's face flushed. 
After a few minutes, she asked again — 

"Do you think it a pretty fashion for ladies to 
have the names of flowers?" 

"Indeed I do, Miss Lorrimer; I think the custom 
delightful. Lily, Violet, Rose — what names could be 
sweeter? I have seen ladies whose faces made me 
think of flowers. Women are to the human creation 
what flowers are to the world." 

She smiled — such words from those handsome lips 
were very pleasant to hear. 

"What flower does Lady Lauraine remind you of?" 
she asked. 

"A tall white lily with a golden sheen on its leaves," 
he replied. 

She looked up at him with a smile that stirred the 
blood in his veins. 

"And I ?" she said, "what flower do I remind you 
of?" 

"You? A delicate, fragrant rose, of the kind they 
call maiden's blush," he said. 

And Rose did not even pretend to be angry with 
him. 

After that, for some few weeks, life was like a fairy 
tale to them. He did not mean to woo her; they 
neither of them looked ahead. They were young, 
and it was the leafy month of June. Love lay laugh- 
ing among the roses — the winds whispered of it, the 
birds sang about it — every bright-winged butterfly 
seemed to have a special embassy concerning it. How 
was it possible that they should escape? 

So they played with the fire, without knowing it 
was fire, all through the sweet month of flowers. 
They saw each other in the morning, when the sun 
lay upon the grass, and in the gloaming, when the 
music of the wind sounded amongst the great trees. 
They did not find out that they loved each other un- 
til it was too late to remedy the evil — too late to 
avert it. 

Leo awoke first to a sense of what was happening 
— awoke to find that he, the poor obscure artist, 
loved the niece of the great Earl of Lauraine. It 
must not be — it could not be— it was madness to 
think of it. 

Still, to the lonely artistic nature, the madness 
was sublime — it was like new life to him — his whole 
soul was full of noble thoughts and dreams — his po- 
etic nature was all on fire with enthusiasm. Now he 
could understand how love created beauty. He know 
by instinct how Dante had loved Beatrice, Petrarch 
had loved Laura. It must be after that fashion, he 
said to himself, that he could love Rose. 

She miist be the queen of his art — the source of 
his inspiration. But he must not think of her with 
a human love, he said to himself — little dreaming 
that the human love had mastered his heart. He 
would have to leave this paradise where these two 
beautiful women dwelt; he would have to go out into 
the cold bleak world again, and live without the 
smiles and kindness that made Rainewold so bright 

for hil*. [.TO BE CONTINUED. 1 




G^No communication will be inserted unless the 
color of the waiter's eye-brows, the date of his — or 
her — last attendance in church, a receipt for his — or 
her — last month's laundry bill, and a certificate of 
good moral character, signedby the President's wife, 
accompanies it. Any nom tie plume the writerdesires, 
will be published, but the real name and address is 
demanded as a guarantee of good faith, strong hope, 
and, a plenty of charity. 



M Quad. — We have heard it said that "dis- 
tance lends enchantment to the view," but 
we never borrowed any ourselves. 

Alma. — Switzerland has no one particular 
ruler. They use flat rulers, and round rul- 
ers, and all other kinds of rulers there. 

Luct. — The first observatory in Europe 
was built in 1561 at Cassel. It was built for 
astronomical not gastronomical purposes. 

Montsomehy. — We must freely admit that 
■we have never seen a book about violins; we 
have, however, seen an old shirt wrapped 
about a fiddle. 

Alexandek. — The Detroit Free Press to the 
contrary notwithstanding ten apples can be 
multiplied by ten apples. The result will be 
twenty apples. 

Austin. — To multiply and increase in the 
land is a divine command; but, if, in an of- 
ficial capacity, you try to multiply the total 
of an election return, you are likely to be sent 
to jail. 

Agatha. — Yes, we have heard of statesmen 
going down South, after the last Presiden- 
tial election, to see a fair count; but, never- 
theless, we don't believe that a Fair ever did 
count. 

Kane. — If you can persuade your mother- 
in-law to test a can of coal oil with a match, 
your domestic troubles will be over. But be 
sure to get yourself out of the way before the 
operation commences. 

Jovina. — The American form of govern- 
ment is not yet sufficiently developed to re- 
quire such an official as "The Keeper of the 
Gold Stick." Most of our Presidents, how- 
ever, have been, in their earlier days, reposi- 
tories of the candy stick. 

Joseph. — Even at this far off distance we 
can hear the cows of Kern County crying for 
you. Go to them, dear boy; they appreciate 
you. Besides rural scenery is beautiful just 
now. The green grain fields wave beneath 
the gentle zephyrs and the bright sunshine 
sheds a glory o'er the land. What more 
could a poetic soul desire ? Go there, Jo- 
seph; and, by the way, you might as well 



take your auburn-headed friend along with 
you. You and he will make a well-matched 
team of egotistical incapable humbugs. 



All hum', a Lore-Lorn Chinaman, as an Obser- 
vant Critic. 

To the Beautiful, Almond-eyed Maiden Hoey 

Fan: 

My loveliest of daffodils, since last I wrote 
you so many peculiar things have come un- 
der my observation that I am lost in the deep 
mazes of wonderment and almost doubt 
whether I can find sufficient of myself to in- 
dite this epistle. 

The grocer who supplies Col. Massey's es- 
tablishment sent home a parcel of goods the 
other day. Upon examining those goods I 
found that the tea was composed largely of 
a worthless herb dried and chopped up fine ; 
the coffee of chickory and some other compo- 
sition the nature of which was unknown to 
me; the white sugar of flour and sand. 
These things I was preceeding to explain to 
him, when he when out to his wagon and re- 
turned with a goodly sized black bottle 
marked "Gin," and, dimly, there began to 
dawn upon my intellect a kind of explanation 
of Bridget's dirty pans and windows. Gin I 
regard as an excellent article to leave upon 
the tomb of a friend — the one spirit soothes 
the other, so to speak; but as an article of 
beverage for the inhabitants of this mundane 
sphere its good properties have never mani- 
fested themselves to my understanding. I 
therefore promptly declined the proffered 
gift and in so doing took occasion to explain 
that I had no friends entombed in this coun- 
try and that I did not think that the spirits 
of any of the departed ones who were lying 
in China would regard a bottle of gin as a 
sufficient recompense for the long sea voy- 
age. The man of soap and candles paused 
thoughtfully for a moment, and while scrat- 
ching his nose with one hand pushed the 
other down into his pocket and drew forth a 
trade dollar which he placed in my hand — 
and was gone. I, of course, have no con- 
ception of why this man should be thus gen- 
erous to me, but he gave me no opportunity 
to decline his generosity so I put the money 
in my pocket and proceeded to pack away 
the groceries. Just as I got through Mrs. 
Colonel Massey, who had been reading 
"Adamantine Arabella or the Conquests of a 
Beautiful but Heartless Woman" put her 
head in at the door and said that she had 
some shopping to do and would take a stroll 
down Kearny street. She had not been gone 
long before the butcher came. The day be- 
fore I had taken the liberty of weighing his 
meat and found that it did not correspond 
with his statement. This time I asked him 
tu remain while I went through the opera- 
tion, but he said he was in a great hurry as 
he had to attend a meeting of the "Ward 
Club" and, throwing a dollar upon the table, 
he rushed away. This conduct seemed to me 
to be perfectly inexplicable; however, I 
gathered up the money, put away the scales, 
and sat down to calculate how long it will be 
before I can fly to your side. 

Yours devotedly until eternity 
and even afterwards, 

Ah Fono. 



538 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Die Very Freshest American Humor* 

A little fresh heir — a new baby. — Borne 
Sentinel. 

There must be a nerve seenter somewhere 
in the nose. — Ex. 

Chorus of the eider apples: "Just as we 
go to press." — N. Y. Neivs. 

He sued for her hand before marriage, and 
her hand sewed for him after. — Court Jour- 
nal. 

There's many a newspaper started that 
stands no more chance of success than would 
a fashion journal in Africa. — Syracuse Times. 

Chicago girls wear ulsters on their ears to 
keep them from freezing. — Ex. Very kind 
of the girls, but why not let the ulsters 
freeze ? 

A blister is not the only thing a man has 
at his tongue's end when he puts the wrong 
end of a cigar in his mouth. — Hackensack Re- 
publican. 

Dr. Holmes says that crying widows marry 
first. Not a very smart thing to say, for how 
could they be widows without marrying first ? 
Phila. Bulletin. 

A South American has discovered a plant 
which gives milk, but we don't see where the 
fun is to come in, as it can't turn around and 
kick the pail over. — Detroit Free Press. 

If you see a bank note on the sidewalk or 
crossing be sure you pause, stoop and pick 
it up. In not doing so, you might be guilty 
of passing a counterfeit bill. — Boston Bulle- 
tin. 

The bull is quite a florist. His specialty 
is in raising climbers. Small boys who climb 
into the pasture where he is, he takes great 
delight in raising out again. — Fond du Lac 
Reporter. 

Love may be blind, but we have yet to see 
the young man who prefers the gas turned 
on full head, to a quiet chat in the moolight. 
It may be economy and it may not— probably 
not. — Elmira Gazette. 

"Oh, what fish balls, 10 cents," is the le- 
gend of a sign on Fulton street. Another of 
those horrible conundrums that run in 
schools! How can anybody know what fish- 
bawls 10 cents. — N. Y. Graphic. 

A three-year old baby of Thomas McGruin, 
of Youngstown, Ohio, is the latest case. Shot 
itself in the head with a revolver it was play- 
ing with. It is probable the parents were 
too poor to keep a mad dog. — Hawkeye. 

A wicked and unfeeling subscriber writes 
us to know if "the tune the old cow died on" 
was written in beef-flat. Having never read 
or sung the tender lines, we are unwilling to 
steak our reputation on the subject. — Ex. 

In view of the great sufferings of the poor 
this winter weather, a sentimental young 



lady worked until midnight for three nights 
embroidering a blue flannel ulster for her 
favorite black-and-tan terrier. — New Haven 
Register. 

The village is flooded with spurious silver 
coins. We asked a witty Irishman if he had 
any idea where they came from. "Yis, sir, 
they come from some fellow's base-mint, and 
the buyer passes them to the seller again." — 
Turners Falls Reporter. 

The Internal Revenue Bill, passed by the 
Senate on Tuesday, reduces the tax on to- 
bacco to sixteen cents. Can't they arrange 
to make it up on potatoes and bread ? These 
are luxuries — tobacco is one of the necessi- 
ties of life. — Ciu. Saturday Night. 

A California machine bottoms 30 to 40 
pairs of boots an hour. We know the father 
of a considerable family of girls who is kept 
so busy with the young, fellow's that he has 
written out to ascertain whether the machine 
can be made to work the other way. 

It's funny a soft palmed woman can pass a 
hot pie-plate to her neighbor at the table, 
with a smile as sweet as distilled honey, 
while a man, as horny as a crocodile's back, 
will drop it to the floor and howl around like 
a Sioux Indian at a scalp dance. — Puck. 

Rev. O. B. Frotbingham of New York ob- 
jects to "making haste to get rich." So do 
we. We never do it. — Norr. Herald. No, 
you don't get that off on us. You thought 
we would say, "What, never?" so you could 
reply, "Well hardly ever." But we shan't 
do it. — Boston Traveller. 

Jones [who has been to the "club until 2 
A. M.l — "Mary, wasser uze keeping light for 
me, anyway?" Mary — "Because, Henry, 
you know that while the lamp holds out to 
burn, the vilest sinner may return." Jones 
kept better hours for the next week or two. 
— Boston Transcript. 

"Where do you expect to go to when you 
die, young man ?" said a minister sternly to 
an ungodly scoffer. "I expect," was the re- 
ply, "to the grave, but the chances are that 
I'll pull up in some blamed medical college 
or other." The preacher retired to write a 
sermon on the flippancy of the times. — Ex. 

The other day a young swell fell asleep 
while spending an evening with some friends, 
and they, for a joke, shaved off one side of 
his mustache, and laughed at him about it 
when he awoke. He has been in the most 
distressing consternation ever since, because 
he cannot discover which side it was. — N. Y. 
Mail. 

The best and about the only way to get 
even with a treacherous mule — who ever saw 
any other ? — is to take his shoes off, lead him 
on to smooth ice and then blackguard him. 
He dare not indulge his natural propensity, 
and the vexation of spirit exhibited in his in- 
telligent countenance is really interesting. — 
Ex. 

The Chinese question is a kind of ticklish 
one, but there is no reason why the Ameri- 
can editor should not be bold and outspoken 
in denouncing the Zulus. They are a miser- 
able, sneaking, blood-thirsty set — and more- 
over they have no votes in the next Presi- 
dential election, and never advertise. — Bos- 
ton traveller. 

A New Milford man pulls his teeth with a 
flat-iron. The process is simple and effec- 
tive. He ties the tooth with a wax-end to 
the flat-iron and then flings the latter. We 
once knew a man who did this with a plough 
share . He threw the plough share over a barn , 



but being heavy, the momentum was too 
great for his power of resistance, and he 
went over the barn with it, hurting himself 
severely on the ridge-pole.^-Dan&urj/ News. 



A Bad Fix. 

At an early hour yesterday morning a wo- 
man called at the postoffice and purchased a 
three-cent stamp, and had it already "licked" 
to paste on her letteiv when she discovered 
that she had left the letter at home. She re- 
ceived the heartfelt S3 r mpathies of the stamp 
clerk and went home for the letter. At 11 
o'clock, when the stamp window was besieged 
by a crowd, the woman returned, having the 
letter in one hand and a minute fragment of 
a postage stamp in the other. 

"Stand out the way for a poor distressed 
woman?" she called out as she made for the 
window, and those who didn't obey were 
poked aside in a way to be remembered by 
their ribs. The change which one buyer was 
about to pocket was swept off the board on 
the floor by her arms, and she held the frag- 
ment of stamp and exclaimed to, the clerk : 

"Do you dare deny, sir, that you sold me 
a three-cent stamp two hours ago ?" 

"I think I sold you a stamp," he replied. 

"And I didn't have my letter here. After 
I'd eaten all the paste off the stamp I couldn't 
find my letter. You remember?" 

"Yes, I remember." 

"Well, sir, I carried that stamp all the way 
home on the tip of my finger, and I laid it 
down on the windy-sill till I could find my 
letter, and what did my little Clarence do but 
pick it up and begin to chew away, and by 
the time I could choke his mouth open no- 
thing was left but this little bit." 

"And you want another ?" 

'•I demand another, sir, in place of this!" 

"I couldn't do that." 

"But you'll have to! This is the stamp I 
bought of you! Look for yourself and see. 
I make oath that I never put it on a letter. 
Am I to be cheated out of my three cents in 
a back-handed way ?" 

The crowd began to call out and jostle her, 
but by a vigorous use of feet and elbows she 
cleared the space again and said: 

"I demand a new stamp!" 

The clerk tried to explain how she couldn't 
get one in exchange, but she interrupted: 

"Have I got to murder my child and get 
the rest of the stamp I Never I I'll never 
leave this windy till I have a new stamp to 
put on my letter to Thomas I" 

The clerk tried to explain again, but she 
brought the letter down with a thump and 
said: 

"I leave this letter here. It is to my Tho- 
mas in Port Huron. If he doesn't get it in 
three days you'll hear from me and my four 
big girls and three sons, and when our family 
gets started on a row we never stop for the 
biggest postoffice in America!" 

At dark last night the clerk was undecided. 
He doesn't like to be bluffed into going down 
for his small change, but in the dim future 
he sees a solemn procession, headed by a de- 
termined old lady, marching down the corri- 
dar to make a vacancy in the ranks of gov- 
ernment. — Detroit Free Press. 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASR 



539 




true. But then what could you expect from 
a republican administration. 

— We don't propose to say a single good 
word for the Board of Education or any 
member thereof. But we cannot help ob- 
serving in reference to the letter signed 
"Yiudex." and published in last Thursday's 
Call that the man who attacks another per- 
son under cover of an anonymous signature is 
a cowardly blackguard and unworthy of the 
slightest credence and the paper which pub- 
lishes such an attack is no better. 



— By the way, why not turn the Territory 
of Alaska over to the British. The United 
States evidently can't protect it. 

— The Bell-punch bill has passed through 
the Texas Legislature. This is his first time, 
but Bullock-punching Bill has often passed 
through the same place. 

— And now there is another row looming 
up in the ranks of toil. The proverb reads: 
when honest men fall out, thieves get their 
due. Wait until Mr. W. is fired out and 
then hear him. 

— A Georgian who went to the stable in 
the dark to milk a cow and got hold of a 
mule was saved by the milk-pail, though he 
was slightly injured by a sudden exit through 
the roof. Henceforth he will do his milking 
in the day-light. 

— While the New York convention of Bap- 
tist Ministers were wrangling over the ques- 
tion of the salvation of infants, three thous- 
and young ones died from fear. They were 
contemplating the appalling result if the 
parsons should resolve to exclude them from 
the benefits of salvation. 

— The Bev. Allan Curr is the name of a 
Baptist clergyman who sues the Dubuque 
Herald for libel, assessing his damage at 
$100,000. A parson with $100,000 worth of 
character is somewhat of a curiosity now a 
days. But then perhaps, Mr. Curr has been 
liberal to himself in the valuation. 

— A number of citizens of the town of Hay- 
wards formed a "Prohibition Club" a few 
days ago, and they sent us a circular advis- 
ing us of the fact and requesting ua to or- 
ganize. We immediately organized, and ap- 
pointed ourselves a committee of one to ap- 
prise the "Haywards Prohibition Club" of 
the fact. 

— The conversion of rentes will, a contem- 
porary states, be debated in the French 
Chamber of Deputies. We are moved to in- 
quire if it is as hard to convert rentes as it is 
a Chinaman ? If not, why all this fuss ? 
Why not give him a five dollar gold piece, 
convert him, and be done talking about the 
blamed thing. 

— The Post and Chronicle are very much 
troubled over the proposition of sending 
Minister Seward back to his post in China. 
The former suggests that it is an outrage to 
send a person whose character for common 
honesty is impeached to represent this na- 
tion at a foreign Court. True, gentlemen, 



The New Burton Ale House. 
Charley Barr has opened in addition to his 
old house in San Jose, a new Burton Ale 
House, at the old stand of Donald McLea, 
No. 53i California street, between Montgom- 
ery and Kearny, where he will be pleased to 
meet all of his old friends and patrons. * 



PLATFORM OF PRINCIPLES 

GOVERNING THE 

Municipal Reform Party 

Adopted by the General Council, March 
4th, 1879. 



Your Committee to whom was referred the draft- 
ing a Platform giving more definite expression to the 
Principles governing the Municipal Reform JParty- 
respectfully report the following: — 

ResoLVED — that the Municipal Reform is designed 
to be strictly non-partisan, and to confine its action to 
the local government of San Francisco— that the pur- 
pose of its organization is to further the interest of 
Justice, establish economy, and promote the welfare 
of our people. 

Resolved — that the Municipal Reform Party, in 
appealing to the intelligence, honor and Patriotism of 
this community, for support, do so with a full rec- 
ognition of the fact, that it is only through these 
these moral agencies that any permanent reform is 
possible. 

Resloved— that no party should receive the con- 
tinued confidence and support of an American Citi- 
Citizen, unless, first; its principles are sound and cor- 
rect, and second; unless it presents as its candidates 
to represent those principles, and to occupy its 
places of trust and emolument, honest, trustworthy 
and capable men. 

Resolved — that no nominee of this party shall be 
assessed for election expenses as the practice is against 
sound public policy. 

Resolved — that it shall be deemed dishonorable, 
and a bar to further preferment for any nominee of 
this party to employ as a means of his nomination or 
election, any promise of patronage, money or other valu- 
able consideration, to the end, that he may enter 
upon the duties of his office untramelled by pledges 
of any kind, other than such as relate to a faithful 
discharge of his official duties. 

Resolted — that the establishment of permanent 
Councils in the several precincts of the city should be 
regarded and maintained as an indispensible prequis- 
ite to the purpose of this organization, and as one of 
tho most salutary means by which to correct the 
abuses of our local government. 

Resolved— That the salaries of Municipal Officers 
should be commensurate with the responsibilities of 
the office, that low niggardly salaries is a spurious 
principal of political economy, that the position as- 
sumed by this party in respect to economy in this 
direction is that no official should be paid more than 
one salary— thai by the selection of capable assist- 
ants, a large number of salaries may be dispensed 
with, and that all sinecure political salaried positions 
should be immediately abolished. 

Resolved — that Water and Light, two indispensible 
necessities of human life, should be as free as cir- 
cumstances may permit, or human wisdom provide, 
therefore our city government should extend all due 
encouragement to any enterprise calculated to re- 
duce the present high rates of Water and Gas. 

Resolved— that the Municipal Reform Party hold 
it to be a self evident fact that as a large majority of 
the voting population of this country labor for the act- 
ual necessities of life, any attempt to degrade their 
labor or to depreciate its value would be a moral and 
political wrong, a detriment to our civilization and dan- 
gerous to the welfare of our country. 



Resolved — that the unrestricted immigration of 
Chinese to this countrv is a blitiug, whithering 
curse, rapidly working a hardship upon our people 
beyond their power of endurance, an evil against 
which this partv pledges its unqualified opposition. 
CHAIRMAN, Executive Committee. 



How Careless Men Can be With Money. 

My friend was the paymaster of a large 
railroad company, and one day he went out 
with $30,000 to pay the men. The money 
was wrapped up in an old newspaper, and 
he carried it under his arm. He stopped at 
a way-side hostlery for dinner, and left the 
money on a chair when he went out. He 
had not gone many miles from the place 
when he missed it. He flew back and asked 
the woman if she had seen a parcel. "There 
is a bit of newspaper on the chair beyont," 
said she ; "perhaps that's it ;" which proved 
to be, and my friend returned a happier and 
wiser man. Another circumstance : A man 
I know of lost a roll of bills amounting to 
$10,000. They, also, were tied up in a news- 
paper. He told a friend, and the two talked 
over the loss and the probability of finding 
the money. The friend made him tell all 
the ground he had been over since he had 
the money. The last place he was at was 
the postoffice. The night was wet overhead 
and slushy under foot. They stopped at the 
postoffice, and going to the place where the 
man had been, found two or three bits of 
newspaper. It was the same. They looked 
further, and found the lost treasure. It had 
been kicked in turn by some one who came 
into the post office, and when found was all 
untied and completely soaked in slush. They 
seized it eagerly and retnrned to their hotel, 
where they spent several hours in cleaning 
it. It was all there, and at last they got it 
dried. The grateful man took his friend out 
and bought him the handsomest gold watch 
and chain he could find. 



RESPONSIBLE BUSINESS FIRMS. 



TYLER'S BAKING POWDER, Manu- 
factured by S. H. Tyler & Son, (Successors 
to S. H. Tyler) 221 Commercial St., S. F. 



BALDWIN'S THEATRE. 

Thos. Maguike Manager 

Fred. Lyster.'Act'g Man'ger . . Treasurer, C. Goodwin 

SECOND WEEK OF THE ENGAGEMENT OF 

ROSE EYTINGE 

FRIDAY and SATURDAY MARCH 21 and 22 

OLIVER TWIST. 

NANCY SIKES by ROSE EYTINGE 

SATURDAY, Matinee at 2 o'clock. 

THE HUNCHBACK. 

ANNOUNCEMENT EXTRAORDINARY ! 

SUNDAY EVENING MARCH 23, 

First Appearance and Benefit of 

MASTER JULIUS &AHN 

As SHYLOCK, in 

The Merchant of Venice, 

Supported by the full strength of the Company. 



540 



-THE ILLUSTKATED WASP. 




museum of curiosities, an enormous pavilion, 
where musical, acrobatic and theatrical per- 
formances are given every Saturday and Sun- 
day — these are a few of the attractions pre- 
sented at this popular resort for the nominal 
sum of twenty-five cents. 



The theatrical entertainments of the week 
have not been distinguished either for their 
artistic brilliancy, or their novelty. 

At Bald-win's 
"The Hunchback" and "Bobert Emmet" 
occupied the boards during the earlier por- 
tion of the week and "The Miner's Daughter" 
and "Oliver Twist" during the latter. In 
"The Hunchback" Miss Eytinge essayed to 
play the "Julia," a character which, though 
not altogether suited to her powers, she re- 
presented in a very acceptable manner. The 
other characters of the cast were well distri- 
buted and ably rendered. As "Nancy Sykes" 
in "Oliver Twist" Miss Eytinge gave a per- 
sonation worthy of her high renown. 

At the California 
Miss Jeffreys-Lewis, assisted by — or assist- 
ing, we know not which — the combined ta- 
lent of the Union Square and California 
companies, attempted to play "Fernande," 
"Frou-Frou," and "The Mother's Secret," 
The performances were chiefly marked by 
the singular unanimity with which the vari- 
ous members of the combination failed to 
grasp the meaning of their roles. The piece 
was mounted in a style which would be more 
than creditable in a certain class of theatres. 

At the Bush Street Theatre 
The Heyer Sisters' Combination of dusky 
stars shed their somewhat feeble light upon 
"a musical piece" entitled "Out of Bondage." 
"Out of Bondage" is not a very high class 
piece but that fact does not put it a very 
great way out of reach of the alleged musical 
and dramatic capacity of the Heyer Sisters' 
Combination. 

At the Standard 
The usual orthodox performances have been 
continued throughout the week. They do 
not offend any person's veneration for sacred 
history and have drawn large and attentive 
audiences of our christian population — from 
the Board of Supervisors downwards. 



Cues. 



'tremen- 



"Woodward's Gardens. 
"What the Zoological Gardens are to Lon- 
don, the Jardin des Plantes to Paris, or the 
Central Park to New York, Woodward's Gar- 
dens are to San Francisco — with the differ- 
ence, however, that the latter embodies all 
the more distinctive features of the first three 
places. Spacious gardens, an immense col- 
lection of birds, beasts and fishes, a well-ap- 
pointed gymnasium, a large and interesting 



Anna Dickinson's pet word is 
dous." 

Cool Burgess, the minstrel, has signed the 
pledge. 

Lydia Thompson is burlesquing "Carmen" 
in London. 

Arthur, a son of Lester Wallack, will soon 
make his debut. 

Max Strakosch is trying to bring Salvini 
over next season. 

Agnes Boucicault's father was a leading 
Edinburg bookseller. 

Mme. Sinico has contracted to join the 
Emma Abbott troupe. 

Nilsson is to sing in some new operas at 
the Grand House, Paris. 

W. S. Gilbert is forty-three years old and 
has a fine head and expressive face. 

Jim Thayer, of circus renown, is now ven- 
ding a catarrh remedy in Pittsburg. 

Boucieault has met with distinguished suc- 
cess during his Boston engagement. 

It seems a little too lata to announce that 
Pinafore" is apron 'nounced success. 

"The man who marries Clara Louise Kel- 
logg will have a good dear for music." 

Max Strakosch says Bosnati wanted to win 
Miss Kellogg, but she would not have him. 

When DeMurska plays in opera her maid 
has to commence the night before to get her 
ready. 

Prof. Locke Bichardson's Shakespeare 
readings are the rage in fashionable New 
York. 

It is again reported that Christine Nilsson 
lost her voice, but Mr. Nilsson says he knows 
better. 

Shakespeare was doubtless called the "im- 
mortal bard" because he wouldn't give up 
the Ghost. 

The ' 'walking ladies" of theatres must not 
be confounded with the tramps who travel 
for gate money. 

Strauss' operetta "Blind Man's Buff," re- 
cently brought out in Vienna, is very inferior 
to his other works. 

Italy has 1,500 orchestras, with 50,000 
performers to say nothing of 60,000 perform- 
ers in military bands. 

The King of Bavaria has conferred the 
Ludwig's medal for arts and sciences on Ma- 
dame Clara Schumann. 

It is again reported that Frau Materna, 
the great Wagner prima donna, is coming to 
this country next year. 

Wilhelmj says that he "began studying 
music when he was four years old," and has 
been playing ever since." 



The Chicago papers give Miss Ada Caven- 
dish the highest possible praise for her im- 
personation of "Bosalind." 

Carl Bosa, in London, has brought out 
"Carmen" in English, and it promises to be- 
as popular as it is in Italian. 

At her farewell benefit in Boston, Miss- 
Kellogg was presented with a crown costing 
$1,000 the gift of her mother. 

John E. Owens will not go to Australia on 
a six months' tour, as reported, but will pro- 
bably retire to his Maryland farm. 

Joachim is in London, and is announced 
to play a new violin concerto by Brahms at 
one of the Crystal Palace concerts. 

Gilbert has captured New York. All in 
one night there was "Engaged" at the Park, 
"Pinafore" at the Standard and Fifth Ave- 
nue, and "Scorer" at the Broadway. 



Haidee Heller and Pinafore. 

A reporter of the New York Star, who cal- 
led on Miss Haidee Heller, found her prac- 
ticing "Pinafore" music for a laughing party. 
She is one of the "heroic build," "a daughter 
of the gods, divinely tall," and most 
divinely fair. She has the strawberry 
and cream complexion of a true English 
girl, fine, expressive features and a 
"golden fleece" that our friend Jason could 
alone rival. This is Haidee Heller, the be- 
loved half-sister of the lamented Bobert 
Heller — the companion of his travels over 
most of the world. 

Miss Heller is preparing a life of her won- 
derful brother, and it was to learn something 
of the projected book that the "Pinafore" 
music met with an interruption. 

"I'll give you $500 for one week to play 
Kalph Kackstraw in New York," says Wil- 
liam Deutsch, as he picks up his big fur over- 
coat. 

Miss Heller laughs. 

"Not enough. William Lyster gave me 
half the house for three performances of the 
Grand Duchesse in Melbourne, Australia. 
There was $450 the first night, and only a 
pound's difference in the receipts of the suc- 
ceeding ones." 

"Did you actually sing the Grand Duch- 
esse ?" asks one of the group. "Why, I had 
no idea you ever did anything in public save 
assist your brother." 

"It came about in this way," said Miss 
Heller. "We were great favorites in Mel- 
bourne, and had been giving some imitations 
of the various opera singers in that optical 
illusion of ours called the 'Living Pictures.' 
Mr. Lyster heard me and made me an offer 
for a week, but we had to meet an engage- 
ment with one of the steamers plying be- 
tween Melbourne and India, therefore I 
dealt gently with the public and gave them 
only three closes. I was treated magnificent- 
ly, and my imitative ability compensated for 
operatic shortcomings. They shrieked them- 
selves hoarse over imitations of Mme. Simon- 
son, a great favorite in Melbourne; Mrs. G. 
B. Allen and Mrs. Lyster and Lucy Cham- 
bers. There were three 'Grand Duchesses' 
in the private boxes the first night, and they 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



541 



made me more nervous than the whole 
densely packed house put together. But I 
changed all that," laughed Hiss Heller, "for 
as I began the 'J'aime le Jlilitaire,' in the 
peculiar voice and style of Mine. Simonson, 
the audience broke forth in shouts, and Ma- 
dame beat a hasty retreat to the back of the 
bos." 

A few moments after, as Miss Heller imi- 
tated Mrs. "Whiffin in "Buttercup," Laurent 
in "Kackstraw," aud Eve Mills as "Jose- 
phine," the writer understood the feelings of 
Mme Simonson, when she undertook to sit 
in a public place and be "taken off" by Miss 
Heller in the "Grand Duchesse." 



A Genuine French Dinner 

Including a Half-bottle of the Best Claret, 

I will give for 25 GENTS. 

Come One, Come All, and be convinced. 

JOE SAM, 645 Merchant St. 



SPECIAL NOTICES: 



Every Grocer should keep J. P. TEjVT- 
11 OK J: V & CO.'.S MACCAEONI and VER- 
MICELLI. Factory 558 Mission Street. 
No Retail. 

janl8-3mos 



A limited number of complete second vol- 
umes of the Wasp may be purchased at the 
business office, 602 California Street. 



Chew Jackson's best Sweet Navy Tobacco. 



Something New. 
Recipes for compounding any kind of Li 
quors, Syrups and Cordials — the latest inven- 
tion. Also a complete stock of essences and 
oils on hand. Havana Cigar flavor a special- 
ty. Ph. Cohen, 326 Clay Street. 



Covers for filing the Wasp are a necessity 
in houses of public entertainment. There 
are always some parties to appropriate the 
paper to their own uses, and many are the 
complaints we hear about the custom. By 
filing the Wasp in our patent covers, not only 
will the danger of loss be measurably re- 
moved, but a handsome book will grow up 
in a few months, and the paper will be kept 
intact. We furnish the covers at the busi- 
ness office for fifty cents each — the bare cost 
of manufacture. 



WANTED. 

A first-class Cheese and Butter maker. 
Inquire at E. Korbel & Bros., cor. Bryant 
and Fifth Streets. 



Philadelphia Brewery. 
— Philadelphia Brewery has sold during 
the year 1878, 43,107 barrels of beer, being 
twice as much as the nest two leading brew- 
eries in this city. (See Official Report, U. 
S. Internal Revenue, January, 1879.) The 
beer from this Brewery has a Pacific Coast re- 
nown, unequalled by any other upon the Pa- 
cific Coast. * 



has removed from 819 Market street to 
7G1 MARKET ST., opp. Dapout. 



QARDEN HOSE! 

50 feet finch 3 -ply Hose - - - $4.50 
50 feet finch 3-ply Hose - - - - $5.50 



IF YOU ARE FOND OF GOOD COFFEE 
TRY THE 

Premium Coffee 

MANUFACTURED BY 

J. G. MONTEALEGRE. 

Successor to IRA. MARDEN & CO. 
218 SACRAMENTO ST. 



Candies, Candies 

Fresh, Pure and Wholesome! 

The Joy of every Family! Manufactured every day, 
of the best materials, by 

U. CAHT7 <3te CO., 

"Wholesale and Retail Confectioners, 
107 MONTGOMERY STREET. 

The attention of the Trade is called to our immense 
assortment of CANDIES and other goods, and war- 
ranted to keep in all climates. Prices Low and terms 
liberal, Orders from the interior promply and care- 
fully attended to. Broken Candy, 15 cents a pound. 
Mixed Candy, 20 cents a pound. 



Use SLAVEN'S 

Tosomite Cologne! 



HiLTS! MATS! 



K. MEUSDOUFFER, 

For twenty-seven years on Commercial street, takes 
the pleasure lo inform his friends and the public at! 
large, that he will on FEBRUAKY 22d, open a NEW 
STORE at No. 15 Kearny Street, cor. Morton, with, 
a new and select stock of 

HATS JMBTT* C4LX»8j 

at the lowest prices. 

N. B. — The old store at 635 and 637 Commercial 
street, will be carried on as heretofore. 

K. MEUSDORPPER, : 



$66 



a week in your own town. Terms and §5 outfit free. Ad- 
dress H. Hallett ii Co., Portland, Maine. 



B. F. WELLINGTON, 

SEEDSMAN 

Importer and Dealer in all kinds of 

VEGETABLE, FLOWER, FRUIT AND TREE SEEDS, 

PLANTS AND TBEES, 
425 Washington St., opp. P. 0., San Francisco, i 

3SS"Send for 32-page Catalogue. 



W. H. S.QWEREE, 

715 MARKET STREET. 

Paper Hanging, Decorating, 

ETC., ETC. 
WINDOW SHADES AND SHADE MATERIALS 

at the lowest rates. 



GOLQMA VINEYARD. 

Constantly on 
hand 

WINES & BRANDIES, 

Burgundy, 

Muscat, Catawba, 

EED, WHITE, 

and other WINES. 

Robert Chalmers, Coloma. 

FOE SALE BY 

General Agent for San Francisco, also 
Dealer in 

Fine Wines and. Liquors, 

412 Sansome Street, - - San Francisco. 




SUBSCRIBE FOR THE 



SAN FRANCISCO 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 

OFFICE, 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 



THE BEST ILLUSTRATED PAPER ON THE PACIFIC 
COAST! 



Contains Five Large Pages of Illus- 
trations Weekly. 



Beautiful Pictures, Entertaining Stories, Breezy 

Sketches, Pungent Squibs, Descriptive Articles, 

and Illustrations of Pacific Coast Men, 

Manners and Scenery. 



NOW IN THE THIRD YEAR ! 

Essentially a home production and that one should 
be sustained. 



TERMS: 

By Mail, - - - - $4 per Tear. 

Served by Carrier in the City at 35 Cents 

per Month, Single Copies 10 Cents. 



E^All Postmasters are Agents. Liberal Com- 
missions to Canvassers, News Dealers and Newsboys. 



BACK NUMBERS 

OF THE 

ILLUSTRATED WASP 



Parties desiring to complete their files of the 
"WASP can do so by sending their orders to this of- 
fice. "We have reserved a number of copies of each 
issue which can be had at 

Ten Cents a Copy. 



PATENT COVERS 

For Filing the WASP, 

Can be obtained &t the office a 50 cents at piece. 



NOTICE. 

The public are respectfully informed that no adver- 
tisements of an improper or suspicious nature will 
be published by this paper. 



A. SCHBOEPFEB, 

AECHITECT, 

Has removed his office to Thurlow Block, 
cor. Kearny street, between Sutter andPost, 
Boom 38. Elevator in the building. 



542 



ZEE 



.USTRATED WASP. 



MERGER'S 

Marsh Mallow Candy 

W JL O T 1 S. If, 

WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, 

No. 17 POWELL ST., opu. Baldwin's Hotel, San 
Francisco. 

Branch of 518 KEARNY STREET. 

G^Special Attention raid to Country Orders. ^5 



R.H0E&G0. 



New York and Loudon. 



SAX FRAXCISCO AGEXCY, 



TATUM & BOWEN, 

3 Fremont St., cor. Market, 

■Where will be f onnd Presses of the latest Improved 
Styles. The GREAT SUPERIORITY of our 

Lithograph 



■i 



Is admitted by all who have availed themselves of 
Messrs. Bosqui & Co's generous invitation to witness 
the working of the Machine we recently furnished 
them. 



We have a large stock of 

Second Hand Presses ! 

—VERY CHEAP— both of onr own and other Manu- 
facture, all put in thorough order and the latter, in 
many cases better than when new. 



HIBERNIA 
Savings and Loan Society 

OFFICE :— Northeast Corner of Mont- 
gomery and Market Streets. 

OFFICERS: 

President M. D. SWEENY 

Vice-President C. D. O'SULLIVNA 

TRUSTEES- 
M. D. Sweeny, C. D. O'Sullivan, H. J. O'Connor, 
P. McAran, John Sullivan, Gus. Touchard, 

R. J. Tobin, Peter Donohue, Jo. A, Donohue, 

Treasures EDWARD MARTIN 

Attorney RICHARD TOBIN 

REMITTANCES FROM THE INTERIOR 
May be sent through Wells, Fargo & Co's Express Office or any re- 
liable Banking House, but the Society mil not be responsible for 
their safe delivery. 
The signature of the depositor shoulil accompany hi first deposit 
A proper Pass Book will he delivered to the Agent by whom the 
depoBit is made. 
Deposits received from $2.50 upward. Office Hours from 9 to 3. 

jnly'21-tf ' . 

<1>E 4- rt <CO/"\ P er ^ a y at nome - Samples worth So free 
tpO l/\J tJ>&\J Address Stinson & Co., Portland, ilaine. 



Henry Ahrens. Henry Tietjen. Th. v. Borstel. 

CHICAGO BREWERY, 

1420--1434 Pine St., near Polk. 
o 

Henry .AJirens & Co. 

Proprietors. 



C. D. O. SULLIVAN. JAS. R. KELLY. 

SULLIVAN, KELLY & CO., 

Importers and Dealers in 

PAINTS, OILS, GLASS, ETC., ETC. 

101, 103, 105 Front and 110 Pine St. 
San Francisco. 



frOT.Tl Any worker can make S12 a day at home. Costlv 
v * "•*"' Outfit free. Address True & Co., Augusta, Maine. 



a 



THE 



!■? 




BALDWIN/ 

THE LEADING HOTEL 

OF SAN FEAN CISCO, 



-'-;■$. ;, ;^r. ' '^ojpjigiii 

. -,,,rt!ffiPir''fj"i ; Uj'HjMl! TOl_ 



sSwl 



And the most Elegantly appointed Hotel in the 
World. Oyer $3,500,000 having been expended 
by Mr. Baldwin in its Construction and Furnish- 
ing. 
The only Hotel having Sunlight in every Room 

Special Accommodations for Families and Large 
Parties. Prices the same as at other first-class 
, . ja Hotels, $3 and So per day. Special contracts 
efiflJMjjJfjffS will be made. The Hotel Coaches and Carriages 
^ Unjiiltjilte jj in waiting at all Boats and Railway Depots. 
*- -^ #-~ J Rooms can be reserved before arriving, by 
! UllJjp telegraphing to 

THE BALDWIN, 
A. MACABEE, Business Manager. 




ISH 



TOBACCO AND CIGARETTES! 



They are the BEST ! Always SMOKE MOIST 
and COOL ! 





u /SG00DASNEW„ 



t 



O AN TRANCISCO L AL ' f ' t f^ 



VM 



mWSSmSl& 



IMs 



NU\feo 



OrVFIrVTH & BRYANT STS @(aft/ Q^mOdC^D 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 



543 



.San Francisco and North Pacific R. R. 



Commencing MONDAY, NOV. 11th, 1878, 
and until further notice, Trains and Boats 
will leave San Francisco: 
(Ticket office, Washington Street Wharf.) 

3nn P. M. DAILY. [Sundays included) Steamer "Jamea M. 
•W Donahue," (Washington Street Wharf), connecting with 
Stall and Express train at Donahue, for Petaluma, Santa Rosa, 
Healdsburg, Cloverdale and xyuy stations. Making Stage con- 
nections tn. Lakevills for Sonoma; at (Jeyserville for Skat's 
Springs: at Cloverdale for Ukiah, Lakeport, Mendocino City, 
and the Geysers. 

tafc-Connections made at "Fulton, qri following morning for Kor- 
bel's, Gueruevilleanil the Redwoods. Suiulitv* excepted. 

[Arrive at San Francisco at 10.30 A. M.J 



(^Freight received from 7 A. M. to 2.30 P. M., except Sunday. 



A. HUGHES, A. A. BEAN, 
Gen. Manager. Sup't. 



P. E. DOUGHERTY, 
Gen. P. & T. Ag't. 



Corns, Bunions, Ingrowing 




Nails, Freckles, "Warts, Moles, effectually cured by 
the celebrated Chiropodists, 

FEISTEL & GER IR», from Paris, 

838 Market Street, opp. Fourth. Parlors 2 and 3, up 
stairs. 



S» KICKS «3e crj„ 

BOOK BINDERS 

Blank Book Manufacturers, 



jan5-tf 



543 Clay Street 

SAN FRANCISCO. 



YOUTHS' DIRECTORY, 

1417 Howard Street, 

(Maintained by the Citizens of San Franeisca.) 

FREE 

Mqwm sad IsisIIigengg Bureau 

For Friendless Boys seeking Work. GOOD LADS 
FOE ANVT SEEVICE, furnished without charges to 
Employers or Employees. Office Hours" 9 A. M. to 
1 P. M. A. P. DIETZ, Superintendent. 



The undersigned 
having had twenty 
years' experience, re- 
spectfully announces 
that he is prepared to 
take dogs in training, 
also that he has very 
fine "Pointer" pups for sale. 

FEED CUSHE, 
Mission Road, opp. San Miguel. 




WANTED. 



In every City and Town in California, CANVAS- 
SEES for the 

Illustrated Wasp. 

Reliable parties out of employment, will find this 
a lucrative business. For information, address, 
"Wasp Publishing Co., 
602 California Street, cor. Kearny. 





v^ 



JtmMMP 













^^SS 1 




WHOLESALE Dea^^I " 



^J 






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> 




528 



THE ILLUSTKATED WASP. 



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60*.CALIF()RNIA ST. 

^ N W. COR OF KEARNY 5T -^ ■ 



SanRrancisco, March 29' h 1879 



RECORDED AT SACRAMENTO CAL i 
I BY THE PUBLISHERS OF THE WASP 




\ j 



WHO WILL ADOPT THIS CHILD ? 



546 



THE ILLUSTRATED WASP. 




Published every Saturday, 



602 CALIFORNIA ST., cor. Kearny. 



TERMS- 
CITY SUBSCRIBERS 
Thirty-five cents per month delivered by carrier 
Single copies, ten cents. 



BY MAIL 

To all parts of the United States, Canada and British 
Columbia, 

(INVARIABLY IS ADVANCE) 

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One Year .... $4.00 

Six Months - - $2.00 

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TO ALL PARTS OF EUROPE 
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Notice to Country News Dealers. — The San 
Francisco News Company will supply all Country 
News Dealers and Agents with the ILLUSTRATED 
WEEKLY WASP. All orders for supplies of the 
paper should, therefore, be addressed as above. 

To Postmasters. — Full outfit of sample copies, 
posters, blanks, receipts, etc., furnished on applica- 
tion. 

To Correspondents. — When sending literary or 
artistic contributions, address, The Editor, 602 Cali- 
fornia street, San Francisco. 



SATURDAY, MARCH 29, 1879. 



'" Gainst the wrong that needs redressing, 
For the weak, the strong oppressing." 



When a wife denominates her husband a 
"bear" don't forget that the point of resem- 
blance may be in their hugging capacity. 



Old Simon Cameron is eighty years of age 
and even that long period of life has not been 
sufficient to extract from him — a philanthro- 
pist and advocate of human rights — his in- 
herent viciousness. Tom Fitch! Simon Ca- 
meron! Matt. Carpenter! General Spinner! 
etc., etc. They seem to be all on the one 
side. 



In contrasting the account of the beating 
of Lieutenant-General Denis first published 
by the Gall and Chronicle with their subse- 
quent narratives of the same event one is na- 
turally reminded of the manner in which Jack 
FalstafFs "men in buckram" increased in 
number. The resources of the human iin- 
magination are great. 



[See Double-page Illustration. ") 

THE OLYMPIC CLUB. 

Amongst the public institutions of San 
Francisco the Olympic Club occupies a pro- 
minent position. As the name implies it is an 
institution devoted to the development of the 
muscular faculties and sportive tendencies. 
Headers of history will be able to appreciate 
the benefits accruing from the existanee of 
such an institution when they reflect upon 
the fact, that during the earlier history of 
the Roman Republic, when "the games" 
formed a prominent feature in national life, 
the affairs of government were administered 
with patriotism and honesty; and that during 
that period virtue and integrity marked the 
dealings of the people one with the other. 
The inference that in developing the muscu- 
lar resources of the human system by spar- 
ring, balancing, fencing, etc., the better im- 
pulses of humanity are also developed is un- 
avoidable. 

THE HISTORY 

Of the Olympic Club is, like that of almost 
every successful man or institution, full of 
strange vicissitudes. In the years 1859-60 
the artists Charles and Arthur Nahl, whose 
studio was situate on Broadway, near Mont- 
gomery, had attached to their house a large 
yard in which parallel and horizontal bars, 
and other gymnastic apparatus, were erected 
for their own private use. A few friends 
were also invited to join a class for afternoon 
exercises upon the said apparatus. This 
class enlarged to such proportions as to sug- 
gest the feasibility and desirability of orga- 
nizing a club. The project was taken in 
hand by Arthur Nahl who, with the assist- 
ance of Gary TV. Bell (late Assayer for Wells, 
Fargo & Co.) and E. Wolleb (also an As- 
sayer), drew up a Constitution and By-Laws 
and named the club "The San Francisco 
Olympic Club." The original constitution was 
signed by the following twenty-three of 
Messrs. Nahl's friends: G. W. Bell, H. W. 
Arthur Nahl; Edward Wolleb; W. H. El- 
dridge; Geo. T. Folsom; John H. Coleman; 
Edwin Bonnell; Henry