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A creature not too bright or good 
for human nature's daily food. 



"Widders are 'ceptions to evfy rule." 









Be to her virtues very kind ; 
Be to her faults a little blind. 



January Fir& 

Widows, like ripe fruit, drop easily from 
their perch. -Bruyere. 

January Second 

Wedlock's like wine, not properly 
judged of till the second glass. 

Douglas Jerrold. 

January Third 

The Spaniards have it that a buxom 
widow must be either married, buried, or 
shut up in a convent. Haliburton. 

January Fourth 

Frailty, thy name is woman ! a little 
month, or ere those shoes were old with 
which she followed my poor father's body, 
like Niobe, all tears : why she, even she, 
married with my uncle. . Shakespeare. 

To marry once is a duty, twice a folly, 
thrice is madness. Dutch Proverb. 

January Sixth 

Mrs. President has disposed of six hus- 
bands and is to take a seventh : being of the 
opinion that there is as much virtue in the 
touch of a seventh husband as of a seventh 
son. -Addison. 

January Seventh 

I praise th' saints I niver was married, 
though I had opportunities enough when I 
was a young man, an' even now I have to 
wear me hat low whin I go down be 
Cologne Street, on account iv the widow 
Grogan. - Mr. Dooley. 

January Eighth 

Tush ! herself knows not what she shall 
do when she is transformed into a widow. 


Widows are such a subtle generation of 
people they may be left to ^ their own con- 
duel ; if they make a false step, they are 
answerable for it to nobody but themselves. 


January Tenth 

I have seen a widow that just before 
was seen pleasant enough, follow an empty 
hearse and weep devoutly. 


January Eleventh 

T faith, he'll have a lusty widow now, 
That shall be wooed and wedded in a day. 


January Twelfth 

Here's a small trifle of wives : alas, 
eleven widows and nine maids, is a simple 
coming in for one man. Shakespeare. 

January Thirteenth 

If for widows you die, 
Learn to kiss, not to sigh. 

Charles Lever. 

January Fourteenth 

The widow Quick married within a fort- 
night after the death of her last husband. 
Her weeds have served her twice and are 
still as good as new. _ Addison. 

January Fifteenth 

She was clever, witty, brilliant, and 
sparkling; but possessed of many devils of 
malice and mischievousness ; she could be 
nice, though, even to her own sex. 


January Sixteenth 

A rogue met a pretty young Mrs., 

A widow, and stole a few Krs., 

And the lady, though she was astounded, 

Said she'd waive prosecution, 

If he'd make restitution, 

So the felony soon was compounded. 

Philadelphia Press. 

January Seventeenth 

"Yes, he's going to marry that rich 
widow. His debts were looming up dread- 
fully, and " 

" I see. His marriage will be the fin- 
ished product of the loom." 

San Francisco News Letter. 

January Eighteenth 

" Dear Joseph is dead. Loss fully cov- 
ered by insurance." (Telegram) Tit Bits. 

January Nineteenth 

" Why for your spouse this pompous fuss ? 
Was he not all his life your curse ? " 

"True, but at length one single action 
Made up for each past malef action." 

" Indeed ! what was the action, pray ? " 
" Why, sir, it was, he died one day." 


January Twentieth 

Take my word for it, the silliest woman 
can manage a clever man, but it needs a 
very clever woman to manage a fool. 


January Twenty-fir& 

But if the priesYs daughter be a widow, 
or divorced, and have no child, and is re- 
turned unto her father's house, as in her 
youth, she shall eat of her father's meat. 


January Twenty-second 

But every vow of a widow and of her 
that is divorced shall stand against her. 

Numbers xx : 11. 

January Twenty-third 

Le Fiance. " Why have you not intro- 
duced me to your mother, darling ? " 

La Fiancee. " Gerald, my mother is a 
widow, and I have lost two fiances to wid- 
ows already." 

January Twenty-fourth 

With all the experience of 'married life 
she has the sense of perfect freedom and 
irresponsibility ; consequently her flights in 
flirtation are as daring as they are without 
fear or reproach. _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 

" So De Wolff Hopper is divorced and 
married again ? " 

" Yes." 

" Well, now I suppose the question is, is 
his former wife a grass widow or a grass 
Hopper?'* Life. 

January Twenty-sixth 

'Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a 
little aversion. Sheridan. 

January Twenty-seventh 

It sometimes happens that when a man 
fails in doing anything else well, he marries 
Atchison Globe. 

January Twenty-eighth 

Whatever Rome may strive to fix, 
The sacraments are only six ; 
For surely of the seven, 'tis clear 
Marriage and penance but one appear. 

January Twenty-ninth 

Lady Catherine Swallow was a widow 
at eighteen, and has since buried a second 
husband and two coachmen. Addison. 

January Thirtieth 

Jerry, dying intestate, his relatives claim'd 
While his widow most vilely his mem'ry 

def am'd : 
" That's no wonder," says one, " for 'tis 

very well known, 
Since he married, poor man, he'd no will 

of his own!" Burns. 

January Thirty-fir^: 

The wives of hen-peck'd husbands most 
alwus outliv ther vidtims, and I hev known 
them to git marrid agin and git hold ov a 
man that $00$ {thank the Lord!) who 
understood all the hen-peck dodges. 

Josh Billings. 

February Fir 

Her mourning is all make believe : 

'Tis plain ther's nothing in it : 
With weepers she has tipp'd her sleeve, 

The while she's laughing in it. 


February Second 

The Lord will destroy the house of the 
proud : but he will establish the border of 
the widow. _ p rov erbs xv : 25. 

February Third 

One said a rich widow was like the 
rubbish of the world, that helps only to stop 
the breaches of decayed houses. 


February Fourth 

Of course not every man who has been 
pursued by a widow was caught, and there 
are a number of thrilling, if slightly apochry- 
phal, narratives of daring adventurers who 
have escaped the clutches of the dangerous 
creatures at the last minute. _ Dorothy Dix. 

Mrs. Pepperday. " My firs! husband 
had a great deal more sense than you have." 
Mr. Pepperday. "True enough, he 

Harper's Magazine. 

February Sixth 

" Take example by your father, my boy, 
and be wery careful o' the widders all your 
We." Dickens. 

February Seventh 

Keep yourself from the tumult of the 
mob, from fools in a narrow way, from a 
man that is marked, and from a widow that 
has been thrice married. Proverb,, 

February Eighth 

Lawyer. " I can get a divorce without 
publicity for two hundred and fifty dollars/' 

Adlress. " How much more will it cos! 
with publicity ?" _ j uc j ge . 

A man that marries a widow is bound 
to give up smoking and chewing. If she 
gives up her weeds for him he should give 
up his weed for her. _ Louisville Journal. 

February Tenth 

There is but one good excuse for a 
marriage late in life, and that is a second 
marriage. -Josh Billings. 

February Eleventh 

For it is better to marry than to burn. 
I Cor. vii : 9. 

February Twelfth 

"Ven you're a married man, Samival, 
you'll understand a good many things as you 
don't understand now : but vether it's worth 
while goin' through so much to learn so little, 
as the charity boy said ven he got to the 
end of the alphabet, is a matter o* tasle." 


February Thirteenth 

For as all widows love too well, 
She liked upon the lisT: to dwell, 
And oft ripped up the old disasters. 


February Fourteenth 

Sir Simon, as snoring he lay in his bed, 
Was awaked by the cry, " Sir, your lady is 

dead ! " 
He heard, and returning to slumber, quoth 

" In the morn, when I wake, oh, how 

grieved I shall be ! " 

February Fifteenth 

Thanks, my good friend, for the advice, 
But marriage is a thing so nice, 
That he who. means to take a wife 
Had better think on't all his life. 

February Sixteenth 

Why are those tears, why droops your head ? 
Is then your other husband dead ? 
Or does a worse disgrace betide, 
Hath no one since his death applied ? 


A rich widow is the only kind of second- 
hand goods that will always sell at prime cost. 


February Seventeenth 

It pleased the Lord to take my spouse at last. 
I tore my hair, I soil'd my locks with dust, 
And beat my breasts as wretched widows 


Before my face my handkerchief I spread, 
To hide the flood of tears I did not shed. 


February Eighteenth 

She. " I think I should like a widower 
after all." 

He. " Very well ; whom shall I marry 
first?" Life. 

February Nineteenth 

May widows wed as often as they can, 
And ever for the better change their man ; 
And some devouring plague pursue their lives. 
Who will not well be governed by their wives 


Whilst Adam slept, Eve from his side arose : 
Strange! his firs! sleep should be his last 
re P ose! Anonymous. 

February Twenty-first 

A widow is more sought after than an 
old maid of the same age. Addison. 

February Twenty-second 


The widow is indigenous to all climes and 
wherever found is a source of aggravation to 
women and of danger to men. 

Dorothy Dix. 

February Twenty-third 

Widows are indeed the great game of 
your fortune hunters. Addison. 

February Twenty-fourth 

" Some day I'm goin* to Jet me temper 
r-run away with me, and get a comity to- 
gether, and go out an* hang ivry dam widdy. 
and orphan between the rollin' mills an* th' 
foundlin's home. If it wasn't for thim ray- 
pachious crathers, they'd be no boodle anny- 


Mr. Dooley. 

February Twenty-fifth 

The widow Cross, I should have told, 
Had seen three husbands to the mould : 
The dear, departed Mr. Cross, 
Came in for nothing but his thirds. 


February Twenty-sixth 

" She knows how to look out for number 

" That is quite evident from the way she 
is looking out for number two." 

Smart Set. 

February Twenty-seventh 

Sum marry the second time to get even 
and find it a gambling game : the more they 
put down the less they take up. 

Josh Billings. 

February Twenty-eighth 

The wife is bound by the law as long 
as the husband liveth. j Q>r. vii : 39. 

February Twenty-ninth 

Remove thy way far from her and come 
not nigh the door of her house. 


March Firft 

Woo the widow while she is in weeds. 

March Second 

Indeed, we were once in great hopes of 
his recovery, upon a kind message that was 
sent him from the widow lady whom he had 
made love to the lasT: forty years of his life : 
but this only proved a lightning before 
deat h. -Addison. 

March Third 

One widow at a grave will sob 
A little while and weep and sigh ! 
If two should meet on such a job, 
They'll have a gossip bye and bye. 


March Fourth 

" You are a marrid man, Mr. Young, 
I believe?'* sed I. 

" I hev eighty wives, Mr. Ward. I 
certainly am marrid." Artemus Ward. 

'Tis dangerous marrying a widow be- 
cause she has cast her rider. 

Spanish Proverb. 

March Sixth 

" I- have heerd how many ordinary 
women one widder's equal to, in pint of 
comin' over you. I think it's five-and-twenty, 
but I don't rightly know whether it an't 
more." Dickens. 

March Seventh 

" As for the widders, anny healthy widdy 
with street car- stock ought to be ashamed 
of hersilf if she's a widdy long." 

Mr. Dooley. 

March Eighth 

That is why little widows are so danger- 
ous: they not only know their own sex, but 
they know ours, too, and knowledge is 

power. Malcolm C. Salomon. 

March Ninth 

The basis of the contemporary matri- 
monial decline, as most writers interpret it, is 
man. Man cannot very well be left out of mar- 
riage altogether without defeating some of its 
more important ends and impairing its results. 

Edward Stanton Martin. 

March Tenth 

Easy or frivolous divorce is condemned 
and deplored, but the easily divorced are not 
excluded from the politest society. 

Edward Stanton Martin. 

March Eleventh 

Onions can make heirs and widows 
weep. Proverb. 

March Twelfth 

He who marries a widow will often have 
a dead man's head thrown in his dish. 


March Thirteenth 

Divorce, with all its privileges and possi- 
bilities, must continue to be a second-rate 
bliss by no means comparable to true mar- 
riage. Edward Stanton Martin. 

March Fourteenth 

" Mind that no widder gets a inklin' of 
your fortun, or you're done." Dickens. 

March Fifteenth 

Mrs. Biffery Biff. " You should be 
happy. You have such a kind husband.*' 

Mrs. Qyittem. " Yes ; we are getting 
along splendidly, since we don't live to- 
gether. 5 an Francisco Examiner. 

March Sixteenth 

A good occasion for courtship is when a 
widow returns from the funeral. 


Second marriages receive much less uni- 
versal consideration because comparatively 
few persons find themselves in a position 
where they have to reach a decision as to 
their expediency. Edward Stanton Martin. 

March Eighteenth 

She was a little widow and was conse- 
quently a complete compendium of the art 
of love. _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 

March Nineteenth 

She was a good lookin* woman and had 
seen trouble. It Stands to reason she had, 
with four husbands. Good land ! 

Josiah Allen's Wife. 

March Twentieth 

Wooers and widows are never poor. 
Ralph Roister Doier(1566). 

Do, but dally not : that's the widow's 
phrase. Barry. 

March Twenty-second 

" You know what counsel said, Sammy, 
as defended the gen'lem'n as beat his wife, 
with the poker, venever he got jolly: 'And 
arter all, my Lord,' says he, 'it's a amiable 
weakness.' So I says respedlin' widders." 


March Twenty-third 

Of course I wanted to marry the widow 
because she declared she would never 
marry again. Malcolm C. Salomon. 

March Twenty-fourth 

The multi- widow. " A woman seldom 
finds that her husband is the same man 
she married." Brooklyn Eagle. 

Why, if I had had two husbands, or even 
four, I should want to keep 'em apart sittin* 
up in high chairs on different sides of my 
heart. Josiah Allen's Wife. 

March Twenty-sixth 

Disagreeable suspicions are usually the 
fruits of a second marriage. Racine. 

March Twenty-seventh 

" Have you made your will ?" asked the 
lawyer of the old colored citizen. 

" No, suh. I ain' got nothin' to leave 
'cept one wife and de rheumatism." 

Atlanta Constitution. 

March Twenty-eighth 

It is only a widow who is wise enough 
to know that a jolly laugh in a woman is a 
bait to which a man will invariably rise as a 
trout to a fly. -Dorothy Dix. 

Get a wife who has learned how to 
keep house on your predecessor, and is in no 
danger of giving you dyspepsia while she 
experiments with cooking school recipes. 

Dorothy Dix. 

March Thirtieth 

" So they were divorced for incompati- 
bility of temper ?" 

" Yes ; you see he had the incompatibility 
and she had the temper." Judge. 

March Thirty-fir^ 

The shameless Chloe placed on the 
tombs of her seven husbands the inscription, 
" The work of Chloe." Martial. 

Few persons turn grey because their 
husbands die. Proverb. 

He that's married once may be pardoned 

his infirmity; 

He that marries twice is mad ; 
But if you can find a fool 
Marrying thrice, don't spare the lad, 
Flog him, flog him back to school. , 


April Third 

Oh ! a maid is sometimes charming, but 
a widow all the while. Anonymous. 

April Fourth 

Disguise our bondage as we will, 
'Tis woman, woman rules us gtill. 


One husband is worth two good wives : 
for the scarcer things are, the more they're 
valued. __ Benjamin Franklin. 

April Sixth 

I, Dionysius of Tarsus, lie here at sixty, 
having never married ; and would that my 
father had not. _ Gre ek Epitaph. 

April Seventh 

Once you are married there is nothing 
left for you, not even suicide, but to be good. 
Robert Louis Stevenson. 

April Eighth 

"Didn't you do well by your second 
marriage ? " 

" Oh, yes indeed ; the clothes of my 
wife's first husband just fit me ! " 

Danbury News Man. 

April Ninth 

The lachrymose widow is one of those 
clinging vines that always gets there. 

Dorothy Dix. 

April Tenth 

" Of course I am a widow. Sure, that 
poor little insignificant crayther of a husband 
is not worth mentioning." _ j^sh Life. 

April Eleventh 

Old friend " Was your daughter's mar- 
riage a success ? " 

Hostess " Oh, a great success ! She's 
traveling in Europe on the alimony." 

New York Weekly. 

April Twelfth 

" No other man can ever fill poor John's 
place. I loved him from the bottom of my 

"Of course; but you know there is 
always room at the top." 

Chicago Daily News. 

April Thirteenth 

A different cause, says Parson Sly, 
The same effect may give. 
Poor Lubin fears that he shall die, 
His wife that he may live. 

Poor Richard's Almanac. 

April Fourteenth 

" There is more to be learned from one 
widow than from a whole Smithsonian 
museum of anthropology. " 

April Fifteenth 

Fijjit " The widow says that her mar- 
riage to Gobang was secret." 

Ijjit "It -must have been. Gobang 
himself did not mention a widow in his 
will, so he could not have known of the 
wedding." Life. 

April Sixteenth 

"Widows, gentlemen, are not usually 
timorous, as my uncle used to say.'* 


The good widow's sorrow is no storm, 
but a still rain. Fuller. 

April Eighteenth 

A woman deserted by -one man has no 
remedy but to appeal to twelve. Jerrold. 

April Nineteenth 

At the prospect of a cosy separation 
society would reach at last the condition of 
Rome as described by Seneca, when women 
computed their ages by the number of their 
husbands instead of by the years they had 
lived. -Matthews. 

April Twentieth 

"Jerome speaks of witnessing the funeral 
of a woman who was followed by her 
twenty-second husband to the grave, she 
having been his twenty-first wife.*' 

If you want a neat wife, choose her on 
a Saturday. _ Poor R ic hard's Almanac. 

April Twenty-second 

She "They are the most wonderful 
compositions in the language." 

He "They don't compare with Jack 
Harvey's. Why, he wrote a letter of con- 
dolence to a widow and she took off her 
mourning immediately." uf e . 

April Twenty-third 

Drying a widow's tears is one of the 
most dangerous occupations known to man. 

Dorothy Dix. 

April Twenty-fourth 

I told Martin when we'd first come to 
London, that I must see the Widder Albert 
whilst I was there. _ j osiah AUen * 8 Wife 

April Twenty-fifth 

" Dodlor, do you think my wife will 
recover ? " 

"Oh, yes! I told her F already had/ a 
wife picked out for you in case she didn't 
get well." Life. 

April Twenty-sixth 

Keep your eyes open before marriage ; 
half shut afterwards. 

Poor Richard's Almanac. 

April Twenty-seventh 

Widow "Yes, I have cremated three 

Old maid "It seems unfair. Here 
I've lived all these years and never have 
been able to get married to one man and 
you've had husbands to burn." 

Chauncey M. Depew's Story. 

April Twenty-eighth 

" Better to have loved extensively than 
never to have loved at all." 

Agent "Isn't this stone a trifle small 
for a man of your husband's prominence?" 

Widow " No, sir ! If Thomas thought 
a stone like that was good enough for his 
first wife, I guess it's plenty good enough for 
Thomas." Life. 

April Thirtieth 

You can't talk to a remarried woman 
at a dinner party about her first husband, 
especially if one of her subsequent husbands 
is present. Edward Stanton Martin. 

May Fir 
Divorce is the spice of life. 

May Second 

" We hated to tell you, but your drowned 
husband's body has been found and it is 
covered with eels." 

"Well," sighed the widow, drying her 
eyes, " set him again.'* 

Chauncey M. Depew's Story. 

May Third 

St. Peter (to firs! applicant) "Were 
you married while on earth ? " 

Firsl Applicant "I was; twice." 
St. Peter " Walk in. You deserve it." 
-The Wasp. 

May Fourth 

The turf has drunk a widow's tear, 
Three of her husbands slumber here. 
Epitaph at Staffordshire. 

May Fifth 

Behold I have commanded a widow 
woman there to sustain thee. 

I Kings xvii : 9. 

May Sixth 

She " Should you die, are you opposed 
to my remarrying ? " 

He " No. Why should I be solicitous 
about the welfare of a fellow I'll never know/* 


May Seventh 

" Why did he get a divorce from his wife ? " 
"She named the baby after the firgl husband/* 


May Eighth 

I asked her (who had buried twelve 
husbands) : "At what time of life do you 
think the married ate ceases to be prefer- 
able ? '* 

She replied : " You musl ask somebody 
older than I am." __j osh Billings. 

A widow is like a frigate of which the 
captain has been shipwrecked. 

Alphonse Karr. 

May Tenth 

Widowhood is true freedom. 

Mme. des Jardins. 

May Eleventh 

" So Mrs. Gay lord insists on a separa- 
tion ? " 

" Yes. She didn't mind his negledt, but 
whenever he was a little good to her he was 
so very virtuous about it that she jusT: couldn't 
Bandit." Harper's Bazar. 

May Twelfth 

Easy-crying widows take new husbands 
soonest ; there is nothing like wet weather 
for transplanting. _ QHver Wendell Holmes. 

Mrs. Henpeck "Now, suppose I should 

Mr. Henpeck " Good heavens ! Is 
there any doubt about it ? " Ljf e 

May Fourteenth 

There are four hundred and fifty Revo- 
lutionary widows left. Here is a chance 
now for those men who pant for a wife of 
the good old days. _ Danbury News Man. ' 

May Fifteenth 

Never marry a widow unless her first 
husband was hanged. Proverb. 

May Sixteenth 

Widows secretly rejoice in the admira- 
tion of men, but indulge themselves in no 
further consequences. Addison. 

Widows are a study you will never be pro- 

ficient in. 


Women who have been happy in a first 
marriage are most apt to venture upon a 
second. Addison. 

May Eighteenth 

Were I not resolved against the yoke 
Of hapless marriage never to be curs'd 
With second love, so fatal was the first, 
To this one error I might yield again. 


May Nineteenth 

How blessings brighten as they take 
their flight! Young. 

May Twentieth 

From thousands of our undone widows, 
one may derive some wit. 

Thomas Middleton. 

For I have buried three husbands beside 
this man; and now I am no' sure of no 
nother husband ; and therefore ye may be 
sure I have great cause to be sad and heavy. 


May Twenty-second 

Here lies my wife: here let her lie! 
Now she's at re&, and so am I. 


May Twenty-third 

Her waist was ampler than her life, for 
life is but a span. _Q. W. Holmes. 

May Twenty-fourth 

Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen; 
Here's to the widow of fifty. Sheridan. 

May Twenty-fifth 

A Brookfield woman was completely 
unmanned by the loss of her husband. 

Danbury News Man - 

May Twenty-sixth 

Women have a special antipathy to the 
blond widow, and when one crosses their 
path they sit down and throw up their hands 
and give up the game. __ Dorothy Dix. 

May Twenty-seventh, 

Why is a garden's wildered maze 

Like a young widow, fresh and fair ? 

Because it wants some hand to raise 

The weeds which have no business there. 
T. Moore. 

May Twenty-eighth 

Fortune is like a widow won, 
And truckles to the bold alone. 


May Twenty-ninth 

" Suppose," said a friend who had been 
reading Enoch Arden, " that you went away 
on a sea voyage and came back and found 
that your wife had married another man ? " 

"That's an absurd proposition. Henri- 
etta would never be so careless as to let me 
go away on a sea voyage." 

Washington Star. 

May Thirtieth 

An Atchison girl will marry a widower 
with five hand-me-down children. 

Atchison Globe. 

May Thirty-fir^ 

A widow is a woman who has buried 
her husband ; a grass widow is one who has 
simply mislaid hers. Will M. Clemens. 

Yet because this widow troubleth me, I 
will avenge her, lest by her continual coming 
she weary me. __ Luke xviii : 5. 

Not even the immense labor of assimila- 
ting a new spouse's relatives, appalling as it 
is, should hinder second marriages. 

Edward Stanton Martin. 

June Third 

The rich widow cries with one eye and 
rejoices with the other. _ Cervantes. 

June Fourth 

" There is one thing about my first hus- 
band I shall always respect him for," she 

"What is that?" 

" He paid all the expenses of our divorce 
like a perfect gentleman." __ Life. 

June Fifth 

He that marries a widow and three 
daughters has three back doors to his house. 
Spanish Proverb. 

June Sixth 

He that wooes a maid must never come in 

But he that wooes a widow, must woo her 

day and night. -English Proverb. 

June Seventh 

In appearance the widow is extremely 
attractive, being smooth and sleek, of a jet 
black color, with snow white collar. It also 
possesses a most melodious purr, and though 
it has extra sharp claws, these are seldom 
visible. - Dorothy Dix. 

June Eighth 

Mrs. Manhattan " The thirteenth hus- 
band is sure to be unlucky." 

Mrs. Lakeside (pensively) "I'll have 
to skip that number and marry twins.*' 

New York Herald. 

Misfortunes never come single; some- 
times they come married. Life. 

June Tenth 

" Doctor, I can't get it out of my head 
that possibly my poor husband was buried 

"Nonsense," snorted Dr. Peduncle, 
"didn't I attend him myself in his last illness?" 


June Eleventh 

Scarcely less to be feared by the prudent, 
is the species of this interesting animal, which 
is known as the domestic widow. 

Dorothy Dix. 

June Twelfth 

Little Clara (in an audible whisper) 
" O nurse ! I wish I had been born a 
widow instead of an orphan ! " 

Harper's Monthly 

Young widows are always charming. 


June Fourteenth 

Surely any good man who has one wife 
already would stay at home till moss accum- 
ulated on his scalp, rather than go gadding 
and take the chance of running against his 
affinity. __ Edward Stanton Martin. 

June Fifteenth 

When a man is chased by a determined 
widow, it is a mere waste of shoe leather to 
run away from it. Dorothy Dix. 

June Sixteenth 

You can't imagine, sir, what 'tis to have 
to do with a widow. _ Addison. 

June Seventeenth 

What objections there are to second 
marriages are almost exclusively sentimental. 
Edward Stanton Martin. 

June Eighteenth 

Miss Jones (to Mr. Brown who has sur- 
vived three wives) " They must get kind 
o' mixed up in heaven with so many Mrs. 
Browns about/* 

Mr. Brown "Oh, no, I calculate not! 
You see they're all different shades of 
Brown." _ Life> 

June Nineteenth 

The chief characteristic of the widow is 
its skill in bringing down its game. 

Dorothy Dix. 

June Twentieth 

"For patient resignation, that widow 
lying there a corpse could dance all 'round 
any woman living." Danbury News Man. 

By taking a second wife man pays the 
highest compliment to the first. Johnson. 

June Twenty-second 

For many persons who have lost their 
mates prematurely, it is far better to find a 
new one, if that is possible, than to go through 
life alone. - Edward Stanton Martin. 

June Twenty-third 

And I caused the widow's heart to sing 
for joy. __j b xxix: 13. 

June Twenty-fourth 

If you are an unsophisticated widow 
one whose husband is just dead you will 
find that you can remain in your own home 
sixty days without paying rent. Stowe. 

June Twenty-fifth 

I don't feel at all sentimental ; 

For women I care not a rap, 
But give me a jolly and gentle 

Rich widow in weeds and a cap. 


June Twenty-sixth 

When they deal directly with widows, 
they want a class that knows nothing of 
business. Stowe. 

June Twenty-seventh 

Then let him write her a bill of divorce- 
ment and give it in her hand and send her 
out of his house. D eut . xxiv: 1. 

June Twenty-eighth 

" Ah, sweetest one, may I be your captain 

and guide your bark down the sea of life ? " 

" No. But you can be my second mate." 


One of the chief inducements to marry 
a widow is the conversation that ought to 
result from her enlarged experience of life. 
Edward Stanton Martin. 

June Thirtieth 

" I celebrate June Thirtieth as Independ- 
ence Day." 

" Isn't that a trifle early ? " 

" It's the day on which I secured my 
firs! divorce." Judge. 

July Fir 

"You say his wife's a brunette? I 
thought he married a blonde." 

" He did, but she dyed." Wrinkle. 

July Second 

A law by which a widow should not 
burn herself till she had conversed privately 
with a young man. Since that time not a 
single woman hath burned herself in Arabia. 


July Third 

To the diplomatic widow, man is simply 
an open book. She plays upon his weak- 
nesses as upon a harp with a thousand strings. 
Dorothy Dix. 

July Fourth 

Widows are dangerous animals to be at 
large. J. W.Stowe. 

Wanted A nice young girl of affec- 
tionate disposition willing to make a good- 
looking bachelor happy. Previous exper 
rience not necessary. . Wasp. 

July Sixth 

In buying a horse and taking a wife, 

Shut your eyes and trust God for your life. 

Italian Proverb. 

July Seventh 

A Bunch of Cash, with figures not too Few, 
A Mine of Gold, a Government Bond or 

And Youth and Beauty and Cupid ever near 


A Widow's lot is not so Worse, think You ? 


July Eighth 

Drying a widow's tears is an expensive 
luxury. Dorothy Dix. 

Wake ! for the Son that scatters into flight 
The Sighs and Tears that make you such a 


Drives them along, away, forever, and 
Knocks Your Widow's mourning Higher 

than a Kite ! Widow. 

July Tenth 

Love makes time pass and time makes 
love pass. Proverb. 

July Eleventh 

Divorce is necessary in advanced civi 

July Twelfth 

Woman, by nature, is a thing of change. 


July Thirteenth 
They can show no mercy to the widow. 


July Fourteenth 

God has to me sufficiently been kind, 
To Take my husband, and leave me here 
behind. _ Anonymous. 

July Fifteenth 

Whoso has married once and seeks a 
second wedding, is a shipwrecked man who 
sails twice through a difficult gulf. 

Greek Epigramme. 

July Sixteenth 

A mistress I've losl, it is true ; 

But one comfort attends the disaster: 
That had she my mistress remained, 

I could not have called myself masler 
Epigrammes Old and New. 

July Seventeenth 

He that marries a widow and three chil- 
dren marries four thieves. 

Spanish Proverb. 

July Eighteenth 

Said Jan, twice wedded to a scolding wife, 
" Church- going's the greatest pleasure of my 


'Tis strange and sweet to see a' man, oh, rare ! 
Keep full five hundred women quiet there." 
Dutch Epigramme. 

July Nineteenth 

The greatest merit of some men is their wife. 


July Twentieth 

There was a time when the ideal condi- 
tion coveted by women who craved unlim- 
ited freedom, was that of a widow with one 
child. Edward Stanton Martin. 

July Twenty-fir^t 

Let no Mandalay in his effort to seize 
The Widows Three, or just one if he please, 
There are others, I know, quite Simla to 

And the difference not one man in Seven 

Seas. Widow. 

July Twenty-second 

Two consorts in heaven are not two, but 
one angel. Swedenborg. 

July Twenty-third 

" Please take the medicine, wife, and I'll 
be hanged if it doesn't cure you." 

" Oh, I'LL take it, then, for it is sure to 
do good one way or another." 

July Twenty-fourth 

Marriage is a feast where the grace is 
sometimes better than the dinner. 


* It is never too late to wed 

July Twenty-sixth 

The cause of his death was a compli- 
cation of diseases, madam. 

Widow Ah! that was so like him! 
He was always versatile in everything. 

The Wasp. 

July Twenty-seventh 

" You say Grace married into the smart 

" Gracious, no ; she was divorced into it." 
Baltimore Herald. 

July Twenty-eighth 

A young widow has established a pislol 
gallery. Her qualifications as a teacher of 
the art of dueling are of course undoubted. 
Has she not killed her man? 

Louisville Journal. 

" I have here one divorce notice and 
one marriage announcement," said the editor's 
assistant. " What caption ,shall I put on 
them ? " 

" Run them together and head them 
" Breaks and Couplings," replied the railway 


July Thirtieth 

But when he called on Sally Brown 

To see how she got on, 
He found she'd got another Ben 

Whose Christian name was John. 
Thomas Hood. 

July Thirty-fir^t 

Widowhood grows yearly less necessary. 
Edward Stanton Martin. 

Auguft First 

The giddy widow is an ever-present danger. 
Dorothy Dix. 

August Second 

"Some men are awfully unfortunate. 
You remember Smith, whose wife died last 

!! Yes -" 

" Well, he's got married again." 

The Wasp. 

August Third 

A daughter of Eve for such was the 
widow Wadman had better be fifty leagues 
off than make a man the object of her atten- 
tions when the house and all the furniture 
are her own. Sterne. 

August Fourth 

What is a first love worth, except 
To prepare for a second? 

What does a second love bring? 
Only regret for the first. 

John Hay, 

If once I loved him? Dear, I cannot say; 
All things have changed to me since he 

was here ; 

I thought to ,die when first he went away, 
And now I name his name without a 
t eal " Anonymous. 

August Sixth 

Is it dyin' ye're shpakin' of? What would I do, 
An unmarried widda in mournin' for you ? 
David L. Proudfit. 

Auguft Seventh 

It is better to have courage than a wife. 
A man can't have both. . Ljf e> 

Augu Eighth 

The widow knows man as merely a fal- 
lible human institution and she works him for 
all that he is worth. Dorothy Dix. 

The instances that second marriage move 
Are bast respects of thrift and not of love. 


August Tenth 

Faith, I thought him dead, not he ! 

There he loves with ten-fold glee ; 
And now this moment with his wings, 

I feel him tickling my heart-brings. 
Cupid Swallowed. 

August Eleventh 
Court in haste but marry at leisure. 

Widow's Maxim. 

August Twelfth 

As you may find, whene'er you like to find 


One man alone at first her heart can move ; 
She then prefers him in the plural number, 
Not finding that the additions much encumber. 

J Byron. 


August Thirteenth 

Mrs. Morris " Since I have been mar- 
ried I have had only one wish ungratified." 
Mr. Morris "And what is that, dear?" 
Mrs. Morris "That I were single 
again/' _Lif e . 

Auguft Fourteenth 

The pure one loved him to the day he died, 
But when he died, his dearest friend she wed. 
James B. Bensal. 

August Fifteenth 

"There never was a nicer woman as a 
widder, than that 'ere second wentur o' mine, 
a sweet cretur she was, Sammy; and 
all I can say on her now, is, that as she was 
such an uncommon pleasant widder, it's a 
great pity she ever changed her condition." 


AuguSt Sixteenth 
Alas! you see of how slight metal 


widows' vows are made. 

Widows are held in such esteem, that an 
artificial species is cultivated, called sir aw, or 
grass widows, from their habit of making hay 
while the sun shines. Dorothy Dix. 

August Seventeenth 

It tells me how short lived widows* tears 
are, that their weeping is in truth but laugh- 
ing under a mask, that they mourn in their 
gowns and laugh in their sleeves. 


August Eighteenth 

But few men who have gone out to con- 
sole widows have returned unscathed. 

Dorothy Dix. 

August Nineteenth 

"Maids are either harmless, or will be- 
come so, but with a widow the Sting is never 

AuguSt Twentieth 

The widow about to remarry is the 
moSl unselfish of mortals. She seldom thinks 
of number one. Life 

The head and the heart in the game of love 
Must each play a separate part ; 

But we'll pardon a girl with a cold in her 

If she'll only be warm in the heart. 


Auguft Twenty-second 

" Do you think old maids live longer than 
widows ? " 

Old maid " It seems longer." 

August Twenty-third 

That's what a man wants in a wife, 
mostly : he wants to make sure o' one fool 
as Ml tell him he's wise. George Eliot. 

August Twenty-fourth 

Husbands are in heaven whose wives 
chide them not. _ p rov erb. 

" No man is a romantic hero to a widow." 

August Twenty-sixth 

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that 
it takes two to carry it sometimes three. 
Alex. Dumas. 

August Twenty-seventh 

" And how long have you been a 
widow ? " 

" Oh, the year was up yesterday ; but 
indeed you must give me at least a month 
to get ready.'* 

When he got outside again, he mur- 
mured, " Now I know what old Weller 
meant." The Wasp. 

August Twenty-eighth 

It is mere folly for a man to under esti- 
mate the danger he runs from a widow. 

Dorothy Dix. 

Augu Twenty-ninth 

Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor 
widow to so rough a course? 


Auguft Thirtieth 

Cupid has no trouble keeping Lent ; 
For since with flame his year is spent, 
He must have lots of ashes. 

August Thirty-firSt 

After such years of dissension and strife, 

Some wonder that Peter should weep for 
his wife ; 

But his tears on her grave are nothing sur- 

He's laying her dust, for fear of its rising. 


Was never widow had so dear a loss ! 

September Second 

For she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, 
and am no widow and shall see no sorrow. 
Rev. xviii : 7. 

September Third 

" And so you are married joined for life?" 
"Oh, it's hardly that bad ! " Judge. 

September Fourth 

Parke "Wiggson married a widow, 
didn't he ? " 

Lane "Yes." 

Parke "I wonder how he likes her 
former husband ? " Puck. 

'uck. | 


She had tasted the sweets of wedded 
life, but somehow single blessedness, decked 
in the latest modes of widow's weeds, offered 
her a more alluring programme. 

Malcolm C. Salomon. 

September Sixth 

The dearest object to a married man 
should be his wife ; but it is not infrequently 
her clothes. _ Danbury News Man. 

September Seventh 

A little widow is a dangerous thing ; but 
is there not always a fascination in dangerous 
things ? _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 

September Eighth 

Being a widow, rightly understood, gives 
a woman many privileges that no other 
woman possesses. Dorothy Dix. 

It does not matter whom you marry, for 
you will find next morning you have married 
some one else. _s. Rogers. 

September Tenth 

Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing. 


September Eleventh 

A young man in the WesT: has written 
home : " Send me a wig." And his fond 
parents don't know whether he is scalped or 
mamed. __ Danbury News Man. 

September Twelfth 

Heaven preserve you ever from that dull 
blessing, an obedient husband. 

John Tobin. 

September Thirteenth 

" By George ! if I were in your place I 
would apply for a divorce." 

" I'd like to, but she won't let me." 

Indianapolis Journal. 

September Fourteenth 

George Washington was rejected by at 
leasl one young lady and finally had to marry 
a mere widow. Judge. 

September Fifteenth 

Divorce Lawyer "What's the cause, 
madam ? " 

Client "I have been married two 
years." Puck. 

September Sixteenth 

One husband on earth is worth two 
underground. _ Widow. 

September Seventeenth 

A woman enjoys two days of happiness 
on earth: when she takes a husband and 
when she buries him. __ Anonymous. 

September Eighteenth 
"Widows are witches, don't you think?' 

September Nineteenth 

Widow Black " Whad meks you fink 
he's gwine to propose at last ? " 

Widow Grey " Kase I kin tell from 
his hungry looks and his seediness dat he 
cain't suppo't hisself much longer." 

Harper's Bazar. 

September Twentieth 

Many overhasty widows cut their years 
of mourning very short and within a few 
weeks make poSl-speed to a second marriage. 


September Twenty-firt 

Handsome widows, after a twelvemonth, 
enjoy a latitude and longitude without limit. 


September Twenty-second 

Marriage: an institution where one per- 
son undertakes to provide happiness for two. 
Mme. Roland. 

September Twenty-third 

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable 
every day to the same human being. 


September Twenty-fourth 

If a widower buys a new tie and it is of 
a bright color, his daughters begin to grow 
suspicious. Atchison Globe. 

September Twenty-fifth 

" AH the world loves a widow. 

September Twenty-sixth 

" Do you think that was a fortunate 
marriage ? " asked the minister's wife. 

" Oh, yes, very ! " replied the reverend 
gentleman ; " I needed the money." 

Yonkers Statesman. 

September Twenty-seventh 

Mrs. Black " They say he's dreadfully 

Mrs. Dash "Henpecked! why the 
man does not even dare to get a divorce." 
Harper's Bazar. 

September Twenty-eighth 

A woman keeps her first love long if she 
happens not to take a second. 


September Twenty-ninth 

" Yes, sir, it's a fad: that married men live 
longer than single ones." 

"And do you know the reason, sir? 
The miserable wretches don't dare die." 
Harper's Bazar. 

September Thirtieth 

First Soubrette " What is the cause of 
the divorce ? " 

Second Soubrette " Both intend to star 
next season." Exchange. 

Odober Fir 

Maude " Is she married ? " 
Mabel " No, unmarried for the fourth 
Harper's Bazar. 

October Second 

Now, if you must marry, take care she 

is old; 
A troop-sergeant's widow's the nicest, I'm 


For beauty won't help if your rations is cold, 
Nor love ain't enough for a soldier. 


Odlober Third 

Your spouse, who husbands dear hath 

buried seven, 
Stands a bad chance to make the number 

even. -Martial. 

October Fourth 

Marriage is a lottery; every wife does 
not become a widow. _i. Zangwill. 

IgWUi. I 

Bachelors are providential beings ; God 
created them for the consolation of widows. Fined. 

October Sixth 

A man without a wife is but half a man. 
Benjamin Franklin. 

Odober Seventh 

No wise man ever married ; but for a 
fool it is the most ambrosial of all possible 
future states. Byron. 

Ocftober Eighth 

Now a little widow is perilously fascina- 
ting; her very littleness constitutes an ele- 
ment of danger, since it coaxingly compels 
sympathy. _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 

Odober Ninth 

"Sacred to the memory of my dearly 
beloved wife, Mary. Ditto Jane." 


Odober Tenth 

It is but a shallow philosophy that under- 
rates the married late ; and he who bids 
you avoid matrimony because he has tried it 
and failed, is a fool for his pains. 

Malcolm C. Salomon. 

Odober Eleventh 

We would the widow wed; she's old, say I, 
But if she older were, I would comply. 


Odober Twelfth 

To be a widow is a mournful slate ; 

Delia was wise and made one moon its date. 


Your wise man will never marry his first 
love ' - Malcolm C. Salomon. 

Odlober Fourteenth 

From your breast you may pluck 

His dart, if you will, 
But the place where it struck 

Will be sensitive still. Life. 

October Fifteenth 

Star "I have had my diamonds Stolen 
three times and been married four. Now 
what else can I do ? " 

Manager "You might take lessons in 


Odober Sixteenth 
"A widow and her money are soon married. 1 

Odlober Seventeenth 
Widows differ; maids are all alike. 

Odober Eighteenth 

The law allows one husband to one wife, 
But wives will seldom brook the straightened 

They musl have two ; besides her Jack, each 

In spite of law and gospel, weds her will. 


Odtober Nineteenth 

When one sympathizes with a widow, 
when one says, " Poor little woman " one 
is lost. _ Malcolm C. Salomon. 

Odtober Twentieth 

She was so pious during Lent, 
I thought it best to shun her, 

So she'd have leisure to repent ; 

But in the forty days so spent, 
My rival wooed and won her. 


Odtober Twenty-first 
" Needs must when the widow drives." 

Odtober Twenty-second 

"Are you going to sue him for breach 
of promise?" 

"No. Dick always signed his letters 
' without recourse/ " u 

October Twenty-third 

Man flattering man not always can prevail, 
But woman flattering man can never fail. 


Odtober Twenty-fourth 

A place under government was all that 

Paddy wanted ; 

He married soon a scolding wife, and his 

wish was granted. Anonymous. 

Odober Twenty-fifth 

Why should she be condemned to wear 
moral sackcloth and ashes all her life because 
she is a widow and does not choose to marry 
Malcolm C. Salomon. 

Odober Twenty-sixth 

Though marriage by some folks be reckoned 

a curse, 
Three wives did I marry, for better or 

worse ; 
The firs! for her person, the next for her 

The third for a warming pan, doctor and 

nurse. Thomas Bayard, of Oxford. 

Odober Twenty-seventh 

If you*d be married, first grow young, 
Wear a mask and hold your tongue. 


Odober Twenty-eighth 

And withal they learn to be idle, wan- 
dering about from house to house. 

ITim.v: 13. 

October Twenty-ninth 

There is a great charm in loving a woman 
who is versed in the lore of love and *who 
is practiced in all the sleight-of-heart tricks 
* *t. Malcolm C. Salomon. 

Odtober Thirtieth 

And there came a certain poor widow 
and she threw in two mites, which make a 
farthing. Mark xii : 42. 

Odober Thirty-firSt 

And not only idle, but tattlers also, and 
busybodies, speaking things which they 
ought not. ITim. v: 13. 

If a man do not erect in this age his own 
tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in 
monument than the bell rings and the widow 
weeps. Shakespeare. 

November Second 

Raillery ! Raillery ! madam, we've no 
animosity. We hit off a little wit now and 
then, but no animosity. Congreve. 

November Third 

Not whom you marry, but how much 
you marry, is the real question 


November Fourth 

" They tell me, Daniel, you've had four 

Daniel (proudly) " Ess, zur, I 'ave 

and what's more, two of 'em was good 'uns ! " 

San Francisco News Letter. 


November Fifth 

The little widow is experienced, acces- 
sible and free, and withal fatally fascinating. 

Malcolm C. Salomon. 

November Sixth 

" Haven't you lost your wife? " inquired 
the gravestone agent. 

"Why, yes, I have, " said the man, "but 
no gravestone ain't necessary ; you see the 
cussed critter ain't dead. She's scooted with 
another man." The agent retired. 

Danbury News Man. 

November Seventh 

Give unto mine hand, which am a widow, 
the power that I have conceived. 

Judith ix: 9. 

November Eighth 

He (desperately in love) " Don't you 
think two can live as cheaply as one ? " 

Widow (refledingly) "Ya-as; but I'd 
rathe* be the one." Puck. 

Let us oppress the poor righteous man, 
let us not spare the widow. 

Wisdom of Solomon ii : 10. 

November Tenth 

Do not the tears run down the widow's 
cheeks, and is not her cry against him that 
causeth them to fall ? 

Ecclesiafticus xxxv : 15. 

November Eleventh 

She is a dead shot with Cupid's arrow, 
and never misses her mark. 

Malcolm C. Salomon. 

November Twelfth 

She was a woman without a past. 




November Thirteenth 

A little widow may be a dangerous 
thing, but the danger is harmless. 

Malcolm C. Salomon. 

November Fourteenth 

The remains of many eligible bachelors 
who have strayed away from their clubs and 
been lost have been found by their anxious 
friends reposing by the domestic widow's 
fireside. Dorothy Dix. 

November Fifteenth 

He evil entreateth the barren that bear- 
eth not ; and doest not good to the widow. 
Job xxiv: 21. 

November Sixteenth 

The barrel of meal shall not waste; 
neither shall the cruse of oil fail. 

I Kings xvii : 1 4. 

Shall I woo the one or other? 

Both attract me more's the pity ; 
Pretty is the widowed mother, 
And the daughter, too, is pretty. 

Eugene Field. 

November Seventeenth 

To the public eye the most attractive 
widow is the gay and frivolous one. 

Dorothy Dix. 

November Eighteenth 

Among all her lovers she hath none to 
comfort her. _ Lamentations i : 2. 

November Nineteenth 

Finally, I will search for things that are 
little, avoiding all torch-lite processions, wim- 
min's rights conventions and grass widders 
generally. -Josh Billings. 

November Twentieth 

How is she become as a widow ! she 
that was great among the nations ! 

Lamentations i : 1 . 

November Twenty-firft 
Neither shall they take for their wives a 

Ezekiel xliv : 22. 

November Twenty-second 

"I want some cards printed for 'Mrs. 
Carrol.' " 

" What's her other name ? " 

" Ain't got no other ; her husband's run 
away and left her." _ Da nbury News. 

November Twenty-third 

And all the widows Stood by him weeping, 

Adls ix : 39. 

November Twenty-fourth 

And now a widow I must mourn, 
The pleasures that will ne'er return ; 
No comfort but a hearty can, 
When I think on John Highlandman. 


November Twenty-fifth 

Where is the bill of your mother's 
divorcement ? Isaiah 1:1. 

November Twenty-sixth 

" Ev'ybody knows there ain' no happi- 
ness in married life till one of de contractin* 
parties done 'ceasted." 

Harper's Magazine. 

November Twenty-seventh 

Whoso shall put away his wife, let him 
give her a writing of divorcement. 

Matthew v: 31. 

November Twenty-eighth 

It has been found that the only way to 
head off a widow is to kill it. 

Dorothy Dix. 

November Twenty-ninth 

" If ever you're attacked with the gout, 
sir, just you marry a widder as has got a 
good loud woice, with a decent notion of 
Using it." Dickens. 

November Thirtieth 

Your seventh wife, Phileros, is now 
being buried in your field. No man's field 
yields him greater profit than yours, Phileros. 


"It behooves a husband, if he would not 
be forgotten, to slay alive." 

December Second 

The most common, and perhaps the 
mo dangerous, is the weeping widow, 
which may be easily distinguished by its 
long, flowing black veil and pensive air of 
melancholy. _ Dorothy Dix. 

December Third 

"The widow can bake, the widow can 


The widow can shape and the widow can 

December Fourth 
Honor widows that are widows indeed. 

I Timothy v : 3. 

Now she that is a widow indeed and 
desolate, trusteth in God. 

I Timothy v : 5. 

December Sixth 

" Take example by your father, my boy, 
and be very careful o* the widders all your 

We." Dickens. 

December Seventh 

Mrs. Peachblow "Why does your hus- 
band carry such a tremendous amount of 
life insurance when he's in such perfect 

Mrs. Flicker " Oh, jusl to tantalize me! 
Men are naturally cruel." Lif e . 

December Eighth 
She that is a widow is a lady. Kent. 

The particular skill of the widow has 
ever been to inflame your wishes and yet 
command respect. Addison. 

December Tenth 

Second marriage: "The triumph of 
hope over experience. " _ Johnson, 

December Eleventh 

Lawyer " Incompatibility ? How does 
this incompatibility manifest itself?" 

Lady "Why, I want to get a divorce 
and my husband doesn't." 

December Twelfth 

"Thou art not the first man a widow's 
love hath sent to the barber shop." 


December Thirteenth 

These widows, sir, are the mosT: perverse 
creatures in the world. _ Addfson. 

December Fourteenth 

With his dying breath he bid me never 
marry again till his grave should be dry, 
even though it should take up four days in 
drying. - Oliver Goldsmith. 

December Fifteenth 

Lawyer "But, Mrs. Smith, there is 
absolutely no ground for a divorce.*' 

Fair Client "No cause? How long 
do you imagine it requires for one to become 
thoroughly tired of the name of Smith ? " 


December Sixteenth 

Both here and hence, pursue me lasting Strife, 
If, once a widow, ever I be wife ! 


December Seventeenth 

None wed the second but who killed 
the firsl. Shakespeare. 

December Eighteenth 

If I have withheld the poor from their 
desire or have caused the eyes of the widow 
to fail. Jobxxxi: 16. 

December Nineteenth 

"The Bible distinctly says, * Ye ask and 
ye receive not, because ye ask amiss.* " 
" Then ask a widow/' 

December Twentieth 

In proportion as his passion for the widow 
abated and old age came on, he left off fox- 
hunting ; but a hare is not yet safe that sits 
within ten miles of his house. _ Addison. 

December Twenty-firft 
Man proposes and the widow accepts. 

December Twenty-second 

Come, Hurry up ! Cause the widow's heart 

to sing, 
Seal Pledge and Vow and Pleading with a 

Or, if Cupid's dart has failed your Heart to 

To Cupid She won't do a Thing. 

Ex- Widow. 

December Twenty-third 

Are you mirthful ? how her laughter, 
Silver sounding, will ring out ! 

She can lure, and catch and play you, 
As an angler does the trout. 


December Twenty-fourth 

How would you like to swap a ten-dol- 
lar pension for a five-dollar man ? 

Kansas Suitor. 

December Twenty-fifth 

Men dying make their wills, 
But wives escape a task so sad ; 

Why should they make what all their lives 
The gentle dames have had? 


December Twenty-sixth 

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. 

Hey wood. 

December Twenty-seventh 

Of old women, widows are most woeful. 
Thomas Fuller. 

December Twenty-eighth 

The first moment the widow Wadman 
saw him she felt something Stirring within 
her in his favor, something, something. 


December Twenty-ninth 

But with a husband we demand 
The coin that's current in the land. 
Richard Realf. 

December Thirtieth 

In her first passion woman loves her 
lover ; in all others, all she loves is love. 


December Thirty-fir 

" And when a widow's in the case, 
You know all other things give place." 

The Tomoye' Press 
San Francisco, Cal.