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f EXLIBRIS UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA

JOHN HENRY NASH LIBRARY

SAN FRANCISCO

PRESENTED TO THE

UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA

ROBERT GORDON SPROUL, PRESIDENT.
BY"

MR.ANDMRS.MILTON S.RAY
CECILY, VIRGINIAANDROSALYN RAY

AND THE

RAY OIL BURNER.ODMPANY

A creature not too bright or good
for human nature's daily food.
— Wordsworth.

WIDOWS

GRAVE AND
OTHERWISE

"Widders are 'ceptions to evfy rule."

— Dickens

PURLOINED BY AN EX-WIDOW
AND PICTURED BY A VICTIM

PUBLISHED BY AN IMMUNE

WIDOWS

GRAVE AND
OTHERWISE

COMPILED BY CORA D.WILLMARTH
ILLUSTRATED BY A. F.WILLMARTH

COPYRIGHT, 1903
BY PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY

PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY
PUBLISHERS, SAN FRANCISCO

Be to her virtues very kind ;
Be to her faults a little blind.

— Prior.

I

January Fir&

Widows, like ripe fruit, drop easily from
their perch. -Bruyere.

January Second

Wedlock's like wine, — not properly
judged of till the second glass.

— Douglas Jerrold.

January Third

The Spaniards have it that a buxom
widow must be either married, buried, or
shut up in a convent. — Haliburton.

January Fourth

Frailty, thy name is woman ! a little
month, or ere those shoes were old with
which she followed my poor father's body,
like Niobe, all tears : — why she, even she,
married with my uncle. . Shakespeare.

To marry once is a duty, twice a folly,
thrice is madness. —Dutch Proverb.

January Sixth

Mrs. President has disposed of six hus-
bands and is to take a seventh : being of the
opinion that there is as much virtue in the
touch of a seventh husband as of a seventh
son. -Addison.

January Seventh

I praise th' saints I niver was married,
though I had opportunities enough when I
was a young man, an' even now I have to
wear me hat low whin I go down be
Cologne Street, on account iv the widow
Grogan. - Mr. Dooley.

January Eighth

Tush ! herself knows not what she shall
do when she is transformed into a widow.

— Chapman.

Widows are such a subtle generation of
people they may be left to ^ their own con-
duel ; if they make a false step, they are
answerable for it to nobody but themselves.

— Addison.

January Tenth

I have seen a widow that just before
was seen pleasant enough, follow an empty
hearse and weep devoutly.

— Chapman.

January Eleventh

T faith, he'll have a lusty widow now,
That shall be wooed and wedded in a day.

— Shakespeare.

January Twelfth

Here's a small trifle of wives : alas, —
eleven widows and nine maids, is a simple
coming in for one man. —Shakespeare.

January Thirteenth

If for widows you die,
Learn to kiss, not to sigh.

— Charles Lever.

January Fourteenth

The widow Quick married within a fort-
night after the death of her last husband.
Her weeds have served her twice and are
still as good as new. _ Addison.

January Fifteenth

She was clever, witty, brilliant, and
sparkling; but possessed of many devils of
malice and mischievousness ; she could be
nice, though, even to her own sex.

— Kipling.

January Sixteenth

A rogue met a pretty young Mrs.,

A widow, and stole a few Krs.,

And the lady, though she was astounded,

Said she'd waive prosecution,

If he'd make restitution,

So the felony soon was compounded.

— Philadelphia Press.

January Seventeenth

"Yes, he's going to marry that rich
widow. His debts were looming up dread-
fully, and — "

" I see. His marriage will be the fin-
ished product of the loom."

— San Francisco News Letter.

January Eighteenth

" Dear Joseph is dead. Loss fully cov-
ered by insurance." — (Telegram) Tit Bits.

January Nineteenth

" Why for your spouse this pompous fuss ?
Was he not all his life your curse ? "

"True, but at length one single action
Made up for each past malef action."

" Indeed ! what was the action, pray ? "
" Why, sir, it was, — he died one day."

— Exchange.

January Twentieth

Take my word for it, the silliest woman
can manage a clever man, but it needs a
very clever woman to manage a fool.

— Kipling.

January Twenty-fir&

But if the priesYs daughter be a widow,
or divorced, and have no child, and is re-
turned unto her father's house, as in her
youth, she shall eat of her father's meat.

— Bible.

January Twenty-second

But every vow of a widow and of her
that is divorced shall stand against her.

— Numbers xx : 11.

January Twenty-third

Le Fiance. " Why have you not intro-
duced me to your mother, darling ? "

La Fiancee. " Gerald, my mother is a
widow, and I have lost two fiances to wid-
ows already."

January Twenty-fourth

With all the experience of 'married life
she has the sense of perfect freedom and
irresponsibility ; consequently her flights in
flirtation are as daring as they are without
fear or reproach. _ Malcolm C. Salomon.

" So De Wolff Hopper is divorced and
married again ? "

" Yes."

" Well, now I suppose the question is, is
his former wife a grass widow or a grass
Hopper?'* —Life.

January Twenty-sixth

'Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a
little aversion. —Sheridan.

January Twenty-seventh

It sometimes happens that when a man
fails in doing anything else well, he marries
— Atchison Globe.

January Twenty-eighth

Whatever Rome may strive to fix,
The sacraments are only six ;
For surely of the seven, 'tis clear
Marriage and penance but one appear.
— Proverb.

January Twenty-ninth

Lady Catherine Swallow was a widow
at eighteen, and has since buried a second
husband and two coachmen. Addison.

January Thirtieth

Jerry, dying intestate, his relatives claim'd
While his widow most vilely his mem'ry

def am'd :
" That's no wonder," says one, " for 'tis

very well known,
Since he married, poor man, he'd no will

of his own!" —Burns.

January Thirty-fir^:

The wives of hen-peck'd husbands most
alwus outliv ther vidtims, and I hev known
them to git marrid agin and git hold ov a
man that $00$ {thank the Lord!) who
understood all the hen-peck dodges.

— Josh Billings.

February Fir£

Her mourning is all make believe :

'Tis plain ther's nothing in it :
With weepers she has tipp'd her sleeve,

The while she's laughing in it.

— Burns.

February Second

The Lord will destroy the house of the
proud : but he will establish the border of
the widow. _ proverbs xv : 25.

February Third

One said a rich widow was like the
rubbish of the world, that helps only to stop
the breaches of decayed houses.

— Hazlift.

February Fourth

Of course not every man who has been
pursued by a widow was caught, and there
are a number of thrilling, if slightly apochry-
phal, narratives of daring adventurers who
have escaped the clutches of the dangerous
creatures at the last minute. _ Dorothy Dix.

Mrs. Pepperday. " My firs! husband
had a great deal more sense than you have."
Mr. Pepperday. "True enough, he

— Harper's Magazine.

February Sixth

" Take example by your father, my boy,
and be wery careful o' the widders all your
We." —Dickens.

February Seventh

Keep yourself from the tumult of the
mob, from fools in a narrow way, from a
man that is marked, and from a widow that
has been thrice married. Proverb,,

February Eighth

Lawyer. " I can get a divorce without
publicity for two hundred and fifty dollars/'

Adlress. " How much more will it cos!
with publicity ?" _ jucjge.

A man that marries a widow is bound
to give up smoking and chewing. If she
gives up her weeds for him he should give
up his weed for her. _ Louisville Journal.

February Tenth

There is but one good excuse for a
marriage late in life, and that is a second
marriage. -Josh Billings.

February Eleventh

For it is better to marry than to burn.
— I Cor. vii : 9.

February Twelfth

"Ven you're a married man, Samival,
you'll understand a good many things as you
don't understand now : but vether it's worth
while goin' through so much to learn so little,
as the charity boy said ven he got to the
end of the alphabet, is a matter o* tasle."

— Dickens.

February Thirteenth

For as all widows love too well,
She liked upon the lisT: to dwell,
And oft ripped up the old disasters.

— Hood.

February Fourteenth

Sir Simon, as snoring he lay in his bed,
Was awaked by the cry, " Sir, your lady is

dead ! "
He heard, and returning to slumber, quoth

he,
" In the morn, when I wake, oh, how

grieved I shall be ! "

February Fifteenth

Thanks, my good friend, for the advice,
But marriage is a thing so nice,
That he who. means to take a wife
Had better think on't all his life.

February Sixteenth

Why are those tears, why droops your head ?
Is then your other husband dead ?
Or does a worse disgrace betide,
Hath no one since his death applied ?

-Gay.

A rich widow is the only kind of second-
hand goods that will always sell at prime cost.

— Franklin,

February Seventeenth

It pleased the Lord to take my spouse at last.
I tore my hair, I soil'd my locks with dust,
And beat my breasts — as wretched widows

must:

Before my face my handkerchief I spread,
To hide the flood of tears I did — not shed.

— Pope.

February Eighteenth

She. " I think I should like a widower
after all."

He. " Very well ; whom shall I marry
first?" —Life.

February Nineteenth

May widows wed as often as they can,
And ever for the better change their man ;
And some devouring plague pursue their lives.
Who will not well be governed by their wives

— Dryden.

Whilst Adam slept, Eve from his side arose :
Strange! his firs! sleep should be his last
rePose! —Anonymous.

February Twenty-first

A widow is more sought after than an
old maid of the same age. Addison.

February Twenty-second

*

The widow is indigenous to all climes and
wherever found is a source of aggravation to
women and of danger to men.

— Dorothy Dix.

February Twenty-third

Widows are indeed the great game of
your fortune hunters. — Addison.

February Twenty-fourth

" Some day I'm goin* to Jet me temper
r-run away with me, and get a comity to-
gether, and go out an* hang ivry dam widdy.
and orphan between the rollin' mills an* th'
foundlin's home. If it wasn't for thim ray-
pachious crathers, they'd be no boodle anny-

wheres."

— Mr. Dooley.

February Twenty-fifth

The widow Cross, I should have told,
Had seen three husbands to the mould :
The dear, departed Mr. Cross,
Came in for nothing but his thirds.

— Hood.

February Twenty-sixth

" She knows how to look out for number

" That is quite evident from the way she
is looking out for number two."

— Smart Set.

February Twenty-seventh

Sum marry the second time to get even
and find it a gambling game : the more they
put down the less they take up.

— Josh Billings.

February Twenty-eighth

The wife is bound by the law as long
as the husband liveth. j Q>r. vii : 39.

February Twenty-ninth

Remove thy way far from her and come
not nigh the door of her house.

— Proverbs.

March Firft

Woo the widow while she is in weeds.
— Proverb.

March Second

Indeed, we were once in great hopes of
his recovery, upon a kind message that was
sent him from the widow lady whom he had
made love to the lasT: forty years of his life :
but this only proved a lightning before
death. -Addison.

March Third

One widow at a grave will sob
A little while and weep and sigh !
If two should meet on such a job,
They'll have a gossip bye and bye.

-Hood.

March Fourth

" You are a marrid man, Mr. Young,
I believe?'* sed I.

" I hev eighty wives, Mr. Ward. I
certainly am marrid." —Artemus Ward.

'Tis dangerous marrying a widow be-
cause she has cast her rider.

— Spanish Proverb.

March Sixth

" I- have heerd how many ordinary
women one widder's equal to, in pint of
comin' over you. I think it's five-and-twenty,
but I don't rightly know whether it an't
more." —Dickens.

March Seventh

" As for the widders, anny healthy widdy
with street car- stock ought to be ashamed
of hersilf if she's a widdy long."

— Mr. Dooley.

March Eighth

That is why little widows are so danger-
ous: they not only know their own sex, but
they know ours, too, and knowledge is

power. —Malcolm C. Salomon.

March Ninth

The basis of the contemporary matri-
monial decline, as most writers interpret it, is
man. Man cannot very well be left out of mar-
riage altogether without defeating some of its
more important ends and impairing its results.

— Edward Stanton Martin.

March Tenth

Easy or frivolous divorce is condemned
and deplored, but the easily divorced are not
excluded from the politest society.

— Edward Stanton Martin.

March Eleventh

•

Onions can make heirs and widows
weep. —Proverb.

March Twelfth

He who marries a widow will often have
a dead man's head thrown in his dish.

— Proverb.

March Thirteenth

Divorce, with all its privileges and possi-
bilities, must continue to be a second-rate
bliss by no means comparable to true mar-
riage. — Edward Stanton Martin.

March Fourteenth

" Mind that no widder gets a inklin' of
your fortun, or you're done." Dickens.

March Fifteenth

Mrs. Biffery Biff. " You should be
happy. You have such a kind husband.*'

Mrs. Qyittem. " Yes ; we are getting
along splendidly, since we don't live to-
gether. — 5an Francisco Examiner.

March Sixteenth

A good occasion for courtship is when a
widow returns from the funeral.

— Proverb.

Second marriages receive much less uni-
versal consideration because comparatively
few persons find themselves in a position
where they have to reach a decision as to
their expediency. —Edward Stanton Martin.

March Eighteenth

She was a little widow and was conse-
quently a complete compendium of the art
of love. _ Malcolm C. Salomon.

March Nineteenth

She was a good lookin* woman and had
seen trouble. It Stands to reason she had,
with four husbands. Good land !

— Josiah Allen's Wife.

March Twentieth

Wooers and widows are never poor.
— Ralph Roister Doi£er(1566).

Do, but dally not : that's the widow's
phrase. —Barry.

March Twenty-second

" You know what counsel said, Sammy,
as defended the gen'lem'n as beat his wife,
with the poker, venever he got jolly: 'And
arter all, my Lord,' says he, 'it's a amiable
weakness.' So I says respedlin' widders."

— Dickens.

March Twenty-third

Of course I wanted to marry the widow
because she declared she would never
marry again. —Malcolm C. Salomon.

March Twenty-fourth

The multi- widow. " A woman seldom
finds that her husband is the same man
she married." —Brooklyn Eagle.

Why, if I had had two husbands, or even
four, I should want to keep 'em apart sittin*
up in high chairs on different sides of my
heart. — Josiah Allen's Wife.

March Twenty-sixth

Disagreeable suspicions are usually the
fruits of a second marriage. Racine.

March Twenty-seventh

" Have you made your will ?" asked the
lawyer of the old colored citizen.

" No, suh. I ain' got nothin' to leave
'cept one wife and de rheumatism."

— Atlanta Constitution.

March Twenty-eighth

It is only a widow who is wise enough
to know that a jolly laugh in a woman is a
bait to which a man will invariably rise as a
trout to a fly. -Dorothy Dix.

Get a wife who has learned how to
keep house on your predecessor, and is in no
danger of giving you dyspepsia while she
experiments with cooking school recipes.

— Dorothy Dix.

March Thirtieth

" So they were divorced for incompati-
bility of temper ?"

" Yes ; you see he had the incompatibility
and she had the temper." Judge.

March Thirty-fir^

The shameless Chloe placed on the
tombs of her seven husbands the inscription,
" The work of Chloe." Martial.

Few persons turn grey because their
husbands die. —Proverb.

He that's married once may be pardoned

his infirmity;

He that marries twice is mad ;
But if you can find a fool
Marrying thrice, don't spare the lad,
Flog him, flog him back to school. ,

— Garrick.

April Third

Oh ! a maid is sometimes charming, but
a widow all the while. —Anonymous.

April Fourth

Disguise our bondage as we will,
'Tis woman, woman rules us gtill.

— Moore.

One husband is worth two good wives :
for the scarcer things are, the more they're
valued. __ Benjamin Franklin.

April Sixth

I, Dionysius of Tarsus, lie here at sixty,
having never married ; and would that my
father had not. _ Greek Epitaph.

April Seventh

Once you are married there is nothing
left for you, not even suicide, but to be good.
— Robert Louis Stevenson.

April Eighth

"Didn't you do well by your second
marriage ? "

" Oh, yes indeed ; the clothes of my
wife's first husband just fit me ! "

— Danbury News Man.

April Ninth

The lachrymose widow is one of those
clinging vines that always gets there.

— Dorothy Dix.

April Tenth

" Of course I am a widow. Sure, that
poor little insignificant crayther of a husband
is not worth mentioning." _ j^sh Life.

April Eleventh

Old friend — " Was your daughter's mar-
riage a success ? "

Hostess — " Oh, a great success ! She's
traveling in Europe on the alimony."

— New York Weekly.

April Twelfth

" No other man can ever fill poor John's
place. I loved him from the bottom of my
heart."

"Of course; but you know there is
always room at the top."

— Chicago Daily News.

April Thirteenth

A different cause, says Parson Sly,
The same effect may give.
Poor Lubin fears that he shall die,
His wife — that he may live.

— Poor Richard's Almanac.

April Fourteenth

" There is more to be learned from one
widow than from a whole Smithsonian
museum of anthropology. "

April Fifteenth

Fijjit — " The widow says that her mar-
riage to Gobang was secret."

Ijjit — "It -must have been. Gobang
himself did not mention a widow in his
will, so he could not have known of the
wedding." —Life.

April Sixteenth

"Widows, gentlemen, are not usually
timorous, as my uncle used to say.'*

— Dickens.

The good widow's sorrow is no storm,
but a still rain. Fuller.

April Eighteenth

A woman deserted by -one man has no
remedy but to appeal to twelve. Jerrold.

April Nineteenth

At the prospect of a cosy separation
society would reach at last the condition of
Rome as described by Seneca, when women
computed their ages by the number of their
husbands instead of by the years they had
lived. -Matthews.

April Twentieth

"Jerome speaks of witnessing the funeral
of a woman who was followed by her
twenty-second husband to the grave, she
having been his twenty-first wife.*'

If you want a neat wife, choose her on
a Saturday. _ Poor Richard's Almanac.

April Twenty-second

She — "They are the most wonderful
compositions in the language."

He— "They don't compare with Jack
Harvey's. Why, he wrote a letter of con-
dolence to a widow and she took off her
mourning immediately." ufe.

April Twenty-third

Drying a widow's tears is one of the
most dangerous occupations known to man.

— Dorothy Dix.

April Twenty-fourth

I told Martin when we'd first come to
London, that I must see the Widder Albert
whilst I was there. _ josiah AUen*8 Wife

April Twenty-fifth

" Dodlor, do you think my wife will
recover ? "

"Oh, yes! I told her F already had/ a
wife picked out for you in case she didn't
get well." —Life.

April Twenty-sixth

Keep your eyes open before marriage ;
half shut afterwards.

— Poor Richard's Almanac.

April Twenty-seventh

Widow — "Yes, I have cremated three
husbands."

Old maid — "It seems unfair. Here
I've lived all these years and never have
been able to get married to one man and
you've had husbands to burn."

— Chauncey M. Depew's Story.

April Twenty-eighth

" Better to have loved extensively than
never to have loved at all."

Agent — "Isn't this stone a trifle small
for a man of your husband's prominence?"

Widow — " No, sir ! If Thomas thought
a stone like that was good enough for his
first wife, I guess it's plenty good enough for
Thomas." —Life.

April Thirtieth

You can't talk to a remarried woman
at a dinner party about her first husband,
especially if one of her subsequent husbands
is present. —Edward Stanton Martin.

May Fir£
Divorce is the spice of life.

May Second

" We hated to tell you, but your drowned
husband's body has been found and it is
covered with eels."

"Well," sighed the widow, drying her
eyes, " set him again.'*

— Chauncey M. Depew's Story.

May Third

St. Peter (to firs! applicant)— "Were
you married while on earth ? "

Firsl Applicant — "I was; twice."
St. Peter — " Walk in. You deserve it."
-The Wasp.

May Fourth

The turf has drunk a widow's tear,
Three of her husbands slumber here.
— Epitaph at Staffordshire.

May Fifth

Behold I have commanded a widow
woman there to sustain thee.

— I Kings xvii : 9.

May Sixth

She — " Should you die, are you opposed
to my remarrying ? "

He — " No. Why should I be solicitous
about the welfare of a fellow I'll never know/*

— Life.

May Seventh

" Why did he get a divorce from his wife ? "
"She named the baby after the firgl husband/*

— Life.

May Eighth

I asked her (who had buried twelve
husbands) : "At what time of life do you
think the married £ate ceases to be prefer-
able ? '*

She replied : " You musl ask somebody
older than I am." __josh Billings.

A widow is like a frigate of which the
captain has been shipwrecked.

— Alphonse Karr.

May Tenth

Widowhood is true freedom.

— Mme. des Jardins.

May Eleventh

" So Mrs. Gay lord insists on a separa-
tion ? "

" Yes. She didn't mind his negledt, but
whenever he was a little good to her he was
so very virtuous about it that she jusT: couldn't
Bandit." — Harper's Bazar.

May Twelfth

Easy-crying widows take new husbands
soonest ; there is nothing like wet weather
for transplanting. _ QHver Wendell Holmes.

Mrs. Henpeck — "Now, suppose I should

Mr. Henpeck — " Good heavens ! Is
there any doubt about it ? " Ljfe

May Fourteenth

There are four hundred and fifty Revo-
lutionary widows left. Here is a chance
now for those men who pant for a wife of
the good old days. _ Danbury News Man. '

May Fifteenth

Never marry a widow unless her first
husband was hanged. Proverb.

May Sixteenth

Widows secretly rejoice in the admira-
tion of men, but indulge themselves in no
further consequences. — Addison.

Widows are a study you will never be pro-

ficient in.

— Fielding.

Women who have been happy in a first
marriage are most apt to venture upon a
second. — Addison.

May Eighteenth

Were I not resolved against the yoke
Of hapless marriage never to be curs'd
With second love, so fatal was the first,
To this one error I might yield again.

— Dryden.

May Nineteenth

How blessings brighten as they take
their flight! —Young.

May Twentieth

From thousands of our undone widows,
one may derive some wit.

— Thomas Middleton.

For I have buried three husbands beside
this man; and now I am no' sure of no
nother husband ; and therefore ye may be
sure I have great cause to be sad and heavy.

— Hazlitt.

May Twenty-second

Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she's at re&, and so am I.

— Dryden.

May Twenty-third

Her waist was ampler than her life, for
life is but a span. _Q. W. Holmes.

May Twenty-fourth

Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here's to the widow of fifty. —Sheridan.

May Twenty-fifth

A Brookfield woman was completely
unmanned by the loss of her husband.

— Danbury News Man -

May Twenty-sixth

Women have a special antipathy to the
blond widow, and when one crosses their
path they sit down and throw up their hands
and give up the game. __ Dorothy Dix.

May Twenty-seventh,

Why is a garden's wildered maze

Like a young widow, fresh and fair ?

Because it wants some hand to raise

The weeds which have no business there.
— T. Moore.

May Twenty-eighth

Fortune is like a widow won,
And truckles to the bold alone.

— Somerville.

May Twenty-ninth

" Suppose," said a friend who had been
reading Enoch Arden, " that you went away
on a sea voyage and came back and found
that your wife had married another man ? "

"That's an absurd proposition. Henri-
etta would never be so careless as to let me
go away on a sea voyage."

— Washington Star.

May Thirtieth

An Atchison girl will marry a widower
with five hand-me-down children.

— Atchison Globe.

May Thirty-fir^

A widow is a woman who has buried
her husband ; a grass widow is one who has
simply mislaid hers. —Will M. Clemens.

Yet because this widow troubleth me, I
will avenge her, lest by her continual coming
she weary me. __ Luke xviii : 5.

Not even the immense labor of assimila-
ting a new spouse's relatives, appalling as it
is, should hinder second marriages.

— Edward Stanton Martin.

June Third

The rich widow cries with one eye and
rejoices with the other. _ Cervantes.

June Fourth

" There is one thing about my first hus-
band I shall always respect him for," she
said.

"What is that?"

" He paid all the expenses of our divorce
like a perfect gentleman." __ Life.

June Fifth

He that marries a widow and three
daughters has three back doors to his house.
— Spanish Proverb.

June Sixth

He that wooes a maid must never come in

sight,
But he that wooes a widow, must woo her

day and night. -English Proverb.

June Seventh

In appearance the widow is extremely
attractive, being smooth and sleek, of a jet
black color, with snow white collar. It also
possesses a most melodious purr, and though
it has extra sharp claws, these are seldom
visible. - Dorothy Dix.

June Eighth

Mrs. Manhattan — " The thirteenth hus-
band is sure to be unlucky."

Mrs. Lakeside (pensively)— "I'll have
to skip that number and marry twins.*'

— New York Herald.

Misfortunes never come single; some-
times they come married. Life.

June Tenth

" Doctor, I can't get it out of my head
that possibly my poor husband was buried
alive."

"Nonsense," snorted Dr. Peduncle,
"didn't I attend him myself in his last illness?"

-Life.

June Eleventh

Scarcely less to be feared by the prudent,
is the species of this interesting animal, which
is known as the domestic widow.

— Dorothy Dix.

June Twelfth

Little Clara (in an audible whisper) —
" O nurse ! I wish I had been born a
widow instead of an orphan ! "

— Harper's Monthly

Young widows are always charming.

— Stowe.

June Fourteenth

Surely any good man who has one wife
already would stay at home till moss accum-
ulated on his scalp, rather than go gadding
and take the chance of running against his
affinity. __ Edward Stanton Martin.

June Fifteenth

When a man is chased by a determined
widow, it is a mere waste of shoe leather to
run away from it. —Dorothy Dix.

June Sixteenth

You can't imagine, sir, what 'tis to have
to do with a widow. _ Addison.

June Seventeenth

What objections there are to second
marriages are almost exclusively sentimental.
— Edward Stanton Martin.

June Eighteenth

Miss Jones (to Mr. Brown who has sur-
vived three wives) — " They must get kind
o' mixed up in heaven with so many Mrs.
Browns about/*

Mr. Brown — "Oh, no, I calculate not!
You see they're all different shades of
Brown." _Life>

June Nineteenth

The chief characteristic of the widow is
its skill in bringing down its game.

— Dorothy Dix.

June Twentieth

"For patient resignation, that widow
lying there a corpse could dance all 'round
any woman living." —Danbury News Man.

By taking a second wife man pays the
highest compliment to the first. Johnson.

June Twenty-second

For many persons who have lost their
mates prematurely, it is far better to find a
new one, if that is possible, than to go through
life alone. - —Edward Stanton Martin.

June Twenty-third

And I caused the widow's heart to sing
for joy. __j0b xxix: 13.

June Twenty-fourth

If you are an unsophisticated widow —
one whose husband is just dead — you will
find that you can remain in your own home
sixty days without paying rent. Stowe.

June Twenty-fifth

I don't feel at all sentimental ;

For women I care not a rap,
But give me a jolly and gentle

Rich widow in weeds and a cap.
— Strong.

X

June Twenty-sixth

When they deal directly with widows,
they want a class that knows nothing of
business. — Stowe.

June Twenty-seventh

Then let him write her a bill of divorce-
ment and give it in her hand and send her
out of his house. Deut. xxiv: 1.

June Twenty-eighth

" Ah, sweetest one, may I be your captain

and guide your bark down the sea of life ? "

" No. But you can be my second mate."

— Exchange.

One of the chief inducements to marry
a widow is the conversation that ought to
result from her enlarged experience of life.
— Edward Stanton Martin.

June Thirtieth

" I celebrate June Thirtieth as Independ-
ence Day."

" Isn't that a trifle early ? "

" It's the day on which I secured my
firs! divorce." —Judge.

July Fir£

"You say his wife's a brunette? I
thought he married a blonde."

" He did, but she dyed." Wrinkle.

July Second

A law by which a widow should not
burn herself till she had conversed privately
with a young man. Since that time not a
single woman hath burned herself in Arabia.

— Voltaire.

July Third

To the diplomatic widow, man is simply
an open book. She plays upon his weak-
nesses as upon a harp with a thousand strings.
— Dorothy Dix.

July Fourth

Widows are dangerous animals to be at
large. — J. W.Stowe.

Wanted — A nice young girl of affec-
tionate disposition willing to make a good-
looking bachelor happy. Previous exper
rience not necessary. . Wasp.

July Sixth

In buying a horse and taking a wife,

Shut your eyes and trust God for your life.

— Italian Proverb.

July Seventh

A Bunch of Cash, with figures not too Few,
A Mine of Gold, a Government Bond or

Two,
And Youth and Beauty and Cupid ever near

her,

A Widow's lot is not so Worse, think You ?

— Widow.

July Eighth

Drying a widow's tears is an expensive
luxury. — Dorothy Dix.

Wake ! for the Son that scatters into flight
The Sighs and Tears that make you such a

fright,

Drives them along, away, forever, and
Knocks Your Widow's mourning Higher

than a Kite ! Widow.

July Tenth

Love makes time pass and time makes
love pass. —Proverb.

July Eleventh

Divorce is necessary in advanced civi
—Montesquieu.

July Twelfth

Woman, by nature, is a thing of change.

— Petrarch

July Thirteenth
They can show no mercy to the widow.

— Barnich.

July Fourteenth

God has to me sufficiently been kind,
To Take my husband, and leave me here
behind. _ Anonymous.

July Fifteenth

Whoso has married once and seeks a
second wedding, is a shipwrecked man who
sails twice through a difficult gulf.

— Greek Epigramme.

July Sixteenth

A mistress I've losl, it is true ;

But one comfort attends the disaster:
That had she my mistress remained,

I could not have called myself masler
— Epigrammes Old and New.

July Seventeenth

He that marries a widow and three chil-
dren marries four thieves.

— Spanish Proverb.

July Eighteenth

Said Jan, twice wedded to a scolding wife,
" Church- going's the greatest pleasure of my

life;

'Tis strange and sweet to see a' man, oh, rare !
Keep full five hundred women quiet there."
— Dutch Epigramme.

July Nineteenth

The greatest merit of some men is their wife.

— Poincelot.

July Twentieth

There was a time when the ideal condi-
tion coveted by women who craved unlim-
ited freedom, was that of a widow with one
child. — Edward Stanton Martin.

July Twenty-fir^t

Let no Mandalay in his effort to seize
The Widows Three, or just one if he please,
There are others, I know, quite Simla to

these,
And the difference not one man in Seven

Seas. —Widow.

July Twenty-second

Two consorts in heaven are not two, but
one angel. — Swedenborg.

July Twenty-third

" Please take the medicine, wife, and I'll
be hanged if it doesn't cure you."

" Oh, I'LL take it, then, for it is sure to
do good one way or another."

July Twenty-fourth

Marriage is a feast where the grace is
sometimes better than the dinner.

— Colton.

* It is never too late to wed

July Twenty-sixth

The cause of his death was a compli-
cation of diseases, madam.

Widow — Ah! that was so like him!
He was always versatile in everything.

— The Wasp.

July Twenty-seventh

" You say Grace married into the smart
set?"

" Gracious, no ; she was divorced into it."
— Baltimore Herald.

July Twenty-eighth

A young widow has established a pislol
gallery. Her qualifications as a teacher of
the art of dueling are of course undoubted.
Has she not killed her man?

— Louisville Journal.

" I have here one divorce notice and
one marriage announcement," said the editor's
assistant. " What caption ,shall I put on
them ? "

" Run them together and head them
" Breaks and Couplings," replied the railway

— Exchange.

July Thirtieth

But when he called on Sally Brown

To see how she got on,
He found she'd got another Ben

Whose Christian name was John.
— Thomas Hood.

July Thirty-fir^t

Widowhood grows yearly less necessary.
— Edward Stanton Martin.

Auguft First

The giddy widow is an ever-present danger.
— Dorothy Dix.

August Second

"Some men are awfully unfortunate.
You remember Smith, whose wife died last
year?"

!! Yes-"

" Well, he's got married again."

— The Wasp.

August Third

A daughter of Eve — for such was the
widow Wadman — had better be fifty leagues
off than make a man the object of her atten-
tions when the house and all the furniture
are her own. —Sterne.

August Fourth

What is a first love worth, except
To prepare for a second?

What does a second love bring?
Only regret for the first.

— John Hay,

If once I loved him? Dear, I cannot say;
All things have changed to me since he

was here ;

I thought to ,die when first he went away,
And now I name his name without a
teal"» — Anonymous.

August Sixth

Is it dyin' ye're shpakin' of? What would I do,
An unmarried widda in mournin' for you ?
— David L. Proudfit.

Auguft Seventh

It is better to have courage than a wife.
A man can't have both. . Ljfe>

Augu£ Eighth

The widow knows man as merely a fal-
lible human institution and she works him for
all that he is worth. —Dorothy Dix.

The instances that second marriage move
Are bast respects of thrift and not of love.

— Shakespeare.

August Tenth

Faith, I thought him dead, not he !

There he loves with ten-fold glee ;
And now this moment with his wings,

I feel him tickling my heart-brings.
— Cupid Swallowed.

August Eleventh
Court in haste but marry at leisure.

— Widow's Maxim.

August Twelfth

As you may find, whene'er you like to find

her,

One man alone at first her heart can move ;
She then prefers him in the plural number,
Not finding that the additions much encumber.

J — Byron.

f

August Thirteenth

Mrs. Morris — " Since I have been mar-
ried I have had only one wish ungratified."
Mr. Morris — "And what is that, dear?"
Mrs. Morris — "That I were single
again/' _Life.

Auguft Fourteenth

The pure one loved him to the day he died,
But when he died, his dearest friend she wed.
— James B. Bensal.

August Fifteenth

"There never was a nicer woman as a
widder, than that 'ere second wentur o' mine,
— a sweet cretur she was, Sammy; and
all I can say on her now, is, that as she was
such an uncommon pleasant widder, it's a
great pity she ever changed her condition."

— Dickens.

AuguSt Sixteenth
Alas! you see of how slight metal

— Chapman.

widows' vows are made.

Widows are held in such esteem, that an
artificial species is cultivated, called sir aw, or
grass widows, from their habit of making hay
while the sun shines. —Dorothy Dix.

August Seventeenth

It tells me how short lived widows* tears
are, that their weeping is in truth but laugh-
ing under a mask, that they mourn in their
gowns and laugh in their sleeves.

— Chapman.

August Eighteenth

But few men who have gone out to con-
sole widows have returned unscathed.

— Dorothy Dix.

August Nineteenth

"Maids are either harmless, or will be-
come so, but with a widow the Sting is never
gone."

AuguSt Twentieth

The widow about to remarry is the
moSl unselfish of mortals. She seldom thinks
of number one. —Life

The head and the heart in the game of love
Must each play a separate part ;

But we'll pardon a girl with a cold in her

head,
If she'll only be warm in the heart.

-Life.

Auguft Twenty-second

" Do you think old maids live longer than
widows ? "

Old maid — " It seems longer."

August Twenty-third

That's what a man wants in a wife,
mostly : he wants to make sure o' one fool
as Ml tell him he's wise. —George Eliot.

August Twenty-fourth

Husbands are in heaven whose wives
chide them not. _ proverb.

" No man is a romantic hero to a widow."

August Twenty-sixth

The chain of wedlock is so heavy that
it takes two to carry it — sometimes three.
— Alex. Dumas.

August Twenty-seventh

" And how long have you been a
widow ? "

" Oh, the year was up yesterday ; but
indeed you must give me at least a month
to get ready.'*

When he got outside again, he mur-
mured, " Now I know what old Weller
meant." —The Wasp.

August Twenty-eighth

It is mere folly for a man to under esti-
mate the danger he runs from a widow.

— Dorothy Dix.

Augu£ Twenty-ninth

Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor
widow to so rough a course?

— Shakespeare.

Auguft Thirtieth

Cupid has no trouble keeping Lent ;
For since with flame his year is spent,
He must have lots of ashes.

August Thirty-firSt

After such years of dissension and strife,

Some wonder that Peter should weep for
his wife ;

But his tears on her grave are nothing sur-
prising,

He's laying her dust, for fear of its rising.

— Hood.

Was never widow had so dear a loss !
— Shakespeare.

September Second

For she saith in her heart, I sit a queen,
and am no widow and shall see no sorrow.
— Rev. xviii : 7.

September Third

" And so you are married — joined for life?"
"Oh, it's hardly that bad ! " Judge.

September Fourth

Parke — "Wiggson married a widow,
didn't he ? "

Lane — "Yes."

Parke — "I wonder how he likes her
former husband ? " Puck.

'uck. |

J

She had tasted the sweets of wedded
life, but somehow single blessedness, decked
in the latest modes of widow's weeds, offered
her a more alluring programme.

— Malcolm C. Salomon.

September Sixth

The dearest object to a married man
should be his wife ; but it is not infrequently
her clothes. _ Danbury News Man.

September Seventh

A little widow is a dangerous thing ; but
is there not always a fascination in dangerous
things ? _ Malcolm C. Salomon.

September Eighth

Being a widow, rightly understood, gives
a woman many privileges that no other
woman possesses. —Dorothy Dix.

It does not matter whom you marry, for
you will find next morning you have married
some one else. _s. Rogers.

September Tenth

Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.

— Proverbs.

September Eleventh

A young man in the WesT: has written
home : " Send me a wig." And his fond
parents don't know whether he is scalped or
mamed. __ Danbury News Man.

September Twelfth

Heaven preserve you ever from that dull
blessing, an obedient husband.

— John Tobin.

September Thirteenth

" By George ! if I were in your place I
would apply for a divorce."

" I'd like to, but she won't let me."

— Indianapolis Journal.

September Fourteenth

George Washington was rejected by at
leasl one young lady and finally had to marry
a mere widow. —Judge.

September Fifteenth

Divorce Lawyer — "What's the cause,
madam ? "

Client — "I have been married two
years." —Puck.

September Sixteenth

One husband on earth is worth two
underground. _ Widow.

September Seventeenth

A woman enjoys two days of happiness
on earth: when she takes a husband and
when she buries him. __ Anonymous.

September Eighteenth
"Widows are witches, don't you think?'

September Nineteenth

Widow Black — " Whad meks you fink
he's gwine to propose at last ? "

Widow Grey — " Kase I kin tell from
his hungry looks and his seediness dat he
cain't suppo't hisself much longer."

— Harper's Bazar.

September Twentieth

Many overhasty widows cut their years
of mourning very short and within a few
weeks make poSl-speed to a second marriage.

— Fuller.

September Twenty-fir£t

Handsome widows, after a twelvemonth,
enjoy a latitude and longitude without limit.

— Balzac.

September Twenty-second

Marriage: an institution where one per-
son undertakes to provide happiness for two.
— Mme. Roland.

September Twenty-third

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable
every day to the same human being.

— Beaconsfield.

September Twenty-fourth

If a widower buys a new tie and it is of
a bright color, his daughters begin to grow
suspicious. — Atchison Globe.

September Twenty-fifth

" AH the world loves a widow.

September Twenty-sixth

" Do you think that was a fortunate
marriage ? " asked the minister's wife.

" Oh, yes, very ! " replied the reverend
gentleman ; " I needed the money."

— Yonkers Statesman.

September Twenty-seventh

Mrs. Black — " They say he's dreadfully
henpecked."

Mrs. Dash — "Henpecked! why the
man does not even dare to get a divorce."
— Harper's Bazar.

September Twenty-eighth

A woman keeps her first love long if she
happens not to take a second.

— Rochefoucauld.

September Twenty-ninth

" Yes, sir, it's a fad: that married men live
longer than single ones."

"And do you know the reason, sir?
The miserable wretches don't dare die."
— Harper's Bazar.

September Thirtieth

First Soubrette — " What is the cause of
the divorce ? "

Second Soubrette — " Both intend to star
next season." —Exchange.

Odober Fir£

Maude — " Is she married ? "
Mabel — " No, unmarried for the fourth
— Harper's Bazar.

October Second

Now, if you must marry, take care she

is old;
A troop-sergeant's widow's the nicest, I'm

told;

For beauty won't help if your rations is cold,
Nor love ain't enough for a soldier.

— Kipling.

Odlober Third

Your spouse, who husbands dear hath

buried seven,
Stands a bad chance to make the number

even. -Martial.

October Fourth

Marriage is a lottery; every wife does
not become a widow. _i. Zangwill.

IgWUi. I

Bachelors are providential beings ; God
created them for the consolation of widows.

-J.de Fined.

October Sixth

A man without a wife is but half a man.
— Benjamin Franklin.

Odober Seventh

No wise man ever married ; but for a
fool it is the most ambrosial of all possible
future states. —Byron.

Ocftober Eighth

Now a little widow is perilously fascina-
ting; her very littleness constitutes an ele-
ment of danger, since it coaxingly compels
sympathy. _ Malcolm C. Salomon.

Odober Ninth

"Sacred to the memory of my dearly
beloved wife, Mary. Ditto Jane."

— Epitaph.

Odober Tenth

It is but a shallow philosophy that under-
rates the married £late ; and he who bids
you avoid matrimony because he has tried it
and failed, is a fool for his pains.

— Malcolm C. Salomon.

Odober Eleventh

We would the widow wed; she's old, say I,
But if she older were, I would comply.

— Martial.

Odober Twelfth

To be a widow is a mournful slate ;

Delia was wise and made one moon its date.

— Anonymous.

Your wise man will never marry his first
love' - Malcolm C. Salomon.

Odlober Fourteenth

From your breast you may pluck

His dart, if you will,
But the place where it struck

Will be sensitive still. Life.

October Fifteenth

Star — "I have had my diamonds Stolen
three times and been married four. Now
what else can I do ? "

Manager — "You might take lessons in

-Puck.

Odober Sixteenth
"A widow and her money are soon married.1

Odlober Seventeenth
Widows differ; maids are all alike.

Odober Eighteenth

The law allows one husband to one wife,
But wives will seldom brook the straightened

life;
They musl have two ; besides her Jack, each

Jill,
In spite of law and gospel, weds her will.

— Exchange.

Odtober Nineteenth

When one sympathizes with a widow,
when one says, " Poor little woman " — one
is lost. _ Malcolm C. Salomon.

Odtober Twentieth

She was so pious during Lent,
I thought it best to shun her,

So she'd have leisure to repent ;

But in the forty days so spent,
My rival wooed and won her.

— Lif

Odtober Twenty-first
" Needs must when the widow drives."

Odtober Twenty-second

"Are you going to sue him for breach
of promise?"

"No. Dick always signed his letters
' without recourse/ " u

October Twenty-third

Man flattering man not always can prevail,
But woman flattering man can never fail.

— Marriott.

Odtober Twenty-fourth

A place under government was all that

Paddy wanted ;

He married soon a scolding wife, and his

wish was granted. Anonymous.

Odober Twenty-fifth

Why should she be condemned to wear
moral sackcloth and ashes all her life because
she is a widow and does not choose to marry
— Malcolm C. Salomon.

Odober Twenty-sixth

Though marriage by some folks be reckoned

a curse,
Three wives did I marry, for better or

worse ;
The firs! for her person, the next for her

purse,
The third for a warming pan, doctor and

nurse. —Thomas Bayard, of Oxford.

Odober Twenty-seventh

If you*d be married, first grow young,
Wear a mask and hold your tongue.

— Proverb.

Odober Twenty-eighth

And withal they learn to be idle, wan-
dering about from house to house.

— ITim.v: 13.

October Twenty-ninth

There is a great charm in loving a woman
who is versed in the lore of love and *who
is practiced in all the sleight-of-heart tricks
°* *t. — Malcolm C. Salomon.

Odtober Thirtieth

And there came a certain poor widow
and she threw in two mites, which make a
farthing. — Mark xii : 42.

Odober Thirty-firSt

And not only idle, but tattlers also, and
busybodies, speaking things which they
ought not. — ITim. v: 13.

If a man do not erect in this age his own
tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in
monument than the bell rings and the widow
weeps. —Shakespeare.

November Second

Raillery ! Raillery ! madam, we've no
animosity. We hit off a little wit now and
then, but no animosity. — Congreve.

November Third

Not whom you marry, but how much
you marry, is the real question

-Whipple.

November Fourth

" They tell me, Daniel, you've had four
wives."

Daniel (proudly) — " Ess, zur, I 'ave —

and what's more, two of 'em was good 'uns ! "

— San Francisco News Letter.

J

November Fifth

The little widow is experienced, acces-
sible and free, and withal fatally fascinating.

— Malcolm C. Salomon.

November Sixth

" Haven't you lost your wife? " inquired
the gravestone agent.

"Why, yes, I have, " said the man, "but
no gravestone ain't necessary ; you see the
cussed critter ain't dead. She's scooted with
another man." The agent retired.

— Danbury News Man.

November Seventh

Give unto mine hand, which am a widow,
the power that I have conceived.

— Judith ix: 9.

November Eighth

He (desperately in love) — " Don't you
think two can live as cheaply as one ? "

Widow (refledingly) — "Ya-as; but I'd
rathe* be the one." —Puck.

Let us oppress the poor righteous man,
let us not spare the widow.

— Wisdom of Solomon ii : 10.

November Tenth

Do not the tears run down the widow's
cheeks, and is not her cry against him that
causeth them to fall ?

— Ecclesiafticus xxxv : 15.

November Eleventh

She is a dead shot with Cupid's arrow,
and never misses her mark.

— Malcolm C. Salomon.

November Twelfth

She was a woman without a past.

Who?

Eve.

— Life.

November Thirteenth

A little widow may be a dangerous
thing, but the danger is harmless.

— Malcolm C. Salomon.

November Fourteenth

The remains of many eligible bachelors
who have strayed away from their clubs and
been lost have been found by their anxious
friends reposing by the domestic widow's
fireside. — Dorothy Dix.

November Fifteenth

He evil entreateth the barren that bear-
eth not ; and doest not good to the widow.
— Job xxiv: 21.

November Sixteenth

The barrel of meal shall not waste;
neither shall the cruse of oil fail.

I Kings xvii : 1 4.

Shall I woo the one or other?

Both attract me — more's the pity ;
Pretty is the widowed mother,
And the daughter, too, is pretty.

— Eugene Field.

November Seventeenth

To the public eye the most attractive
widow is the gay and frivolous one.

— Dorothy Dix.

November Eighteenth

Among all her lovers she hath none to
comfort her. _ Lamentations i : 2.

November Nineteenth

Finally, I will search for things that are
little, avoiding all torch-lite processions, wim-
min's rights conventions and grass widders
generally. -Josh Billings.

November Twentieth

How is she become as a widow ! she
that was great among the nations !

— Lamentations i : 1 .

November Twenty-firft
Neither shall they take for their wives a

— Ezekiel xliv : 22.

November Twenty-second

"I want some cards printed for 'Mrs.
Carrol.' "

" What's her other name ? "

" Ain't got no other ; her husband's run
away and left her." _ Danbury News.

November Twenty-third

And all the widows Stood by him weeping,

— Adls ix : 39.

November Twenty-fourth

And now a widow I must mourn,
The pleasures that will ne'er return ;
No comfort but a hearty can,
When I think on John Highlandman.

— Burns.

November Twenty-fifth

Where is the bill of your mother's
divorcement ? Isaiah 1:1.

November Twenty-sixth

" Ev'ybody knows there ain' no happi-
ness in married life till one of de contractin*
parties done 'ceasted."

— Harper's Magazine.

November Twenty-seventh

Whoso shall put away his wife, let him
give her a writing of divorcement.

— Matthew v: 31.

November Twenty-eighth

It has been found that the only way to
head off a widow is to kill it.

— Dorothy Dix.

November Twenty-ninth

" If ever you're attacked with the gout,
sir, just you marry a widder as has got a
good loud woice, with a decent notion of
Using it." —Dickens.

November Thirtieth

Your seventh wife, Phileros, is now
being buried in your field. No man's field
yields him greater profit than yours, Phileros.

— Martial.

"It behooves a husband, if he would not
be forgotten, to slay alive."

December Second

The most common, and perhaps the
mo£ dangerous, is the weeping widow,
which may be easily distinguished by its
long, flowing black veil and pensive air of
melancholy. _ Dorothy Dix.

December Third

"The widow can bake, the widow can

brew,

The widow can shape and the widow can
sew."

December Fourth
Honor widows that are widows indeed.

— I Timothy v : 3.

Now she that is a widow indeed and
desolate, trusteth in God.

— I Timothy v : 5.

December Sixth
i

" Take example by your father, my boy,
and be very careful o* the widders all your

We." —Dickens.

December Seventh

Mrs. Peachblow — "Why does your hus-
band carry such a tremendous amount of
life insurance when he's in such perfect
health?"

Mrs. Flicker — " Oh, jusl to tantalize me!
Men are naturally cruel." — Life.

December Eighth
She that is a widow is a lady. Kent.

The particular skill of the widow has
ever been to inflame your wishes and yet
command respect. — Addison.

December Tenth

Second marriage: "The triumph of
hope over experience. " _ Johnson,

December Eleventh

Lawyer — " Incompatibility ? How does
this incompatibility manifest itself?"

Lady — "Why, I want to get a divorce
and my husband doesn't."

December Twelfth

"Thou art not the first man a widow's
love hath sent to the barber shop."

— Exchange.

December Thirteenth

These widows, sir, are the mosT: perverse
creatures in the world. _ Addfson.

December Fourteenth

With his dying breath he bid me never
marry again till his grave should be dry,
even though it should take up four days in
drying. - Oliver Goldsmith.

December Fifteenth

Lawyer — "But, Mrs. Smith, there is
absolutely no ground for a divorce.*'

Fair Client — "No cause? How long
do you imagine it requires for one to become
thoroughly tired of the name of Smith ? "

— Life.

December Sixteenth

Both here and hence, pursue me lasting Strife,
If, once a widow, ever I be wife !

— Shakespeare.

December Seventeenth

None wed the second but who killed
the firsl. —Shakespeare.

December Eighteenth

If I have withheld the poor from their
desire or have caused the eyes of the widow
to fail. — Jobxxxi: 16.

December Nineteenth

"The Bible distinctly says, * Ye ask and
ye receive not, because ye ask amiss.* "
" Then ask a widow/'

December Twentieth

In proportion as his passion for the widow
abated and old age came on, he left off fox-
hunting ; but a hare is not yet safe that sits
within ten miles of his house. _ Addison.

December Twenty-firft
Man proposes and the widow — accepts.

December Twenty-second

Come, Hurry up ! Cause the widow's heart

to sing,
Seal Pledge and Vow and Pleading with a

Ring;
Or, if Cupid's dart has failed your Heart to

flutter,
To Cupid She won't do a Thing.

— Ex- Widow.

December Twenty-third

Are you mirthful ? how her laughter,
Silver sounding, will ring out !

She can lure, and catch and play you,
As an angler does the trout.

— Anonymous.

December Twenty-fourth

How would you like to swap a ten-dol-
lar pension for a five-dollar man ?

— Kansas Suitor.

December Twenty-fifth

Men dying make their wills,
But wives escape a task so sad ;

Why should they make what all their lives
The gentle dames have had?

— Dryden.

December Twenty-sixth

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.

— Hey wood.

December Twenty-seventh

Of old women, widows are most woeful.
— Thomas Fuller.

December Twenty-eighth

The first moment the widow Wadman
saw him she felt something Stirring within
her in his favor, — something, something.

— Sterne.

December Twenty-ninth

But with a husband we demand
The coin that's current in the land.
— Richard Realf.

December Thirtieth

In her first passion woman loves her
lover ; in all others, all she loves is love.

— Byron.

December Thirty-fir£

" And when a widow's in the case,
You know all other things give place."

The Tomoye' Press
San Francisco, Cal.