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Full text of "Works; containing Plain-dealer, Country-wife, Gentleman-dancing-master [and] Love in a wood"

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HE LIBRARY. 



.C.ooijlc 



fi«^ , b -i-iY 



BOOKS fehl hy Richard Wellington, at the Dol- 
phin anti Crown in St. Paul** Church-TarJ, 

IFeini'ts, or Love mi Doty Reconcil'd, a Novel , vrtit tj 
Mr. Cmgreot, Price Eighteen Fence ; printed to bind wita 
his Plays in eithei Volumes. 

The Ltverf Stertt»ry, or the Adventnres of Undtnair; ■ I^dy 
of Quility ; written to her Friend in the Country, difcovering 
all her Intrigues from Fifteen Years to Fifty, in 54 I^tert 1 
Price 3 /. 

the Art §f flti^t^ i» Crnvtrfatitn ; writ by Cardinal RleUitm^ 
trench and ExgliPt, for .the Curious in either Language, on thele 
following Heads, viz- That one may be Civil without being 
Formal. 3. Of Polite Language, and the Manner of telling a 
Story. 3. Of the Conveifation of Ladies,. and how &rwe may 
be allowed to flatter them. 4. Of decent Behaviour at Table*. 
$. Againft great Talkers. 6. That it is impoffible for a Lyar to 
pleafe in Converfation. 7. That a Detra&or pleafes only envi- 
ous and malicious Pcrfons. 8. What Care Ihcmld be taien in 
Railleiy. g- Of winy Sayings and Repartees. 10. How&rwe 
may reprehend in Converfation. 11. Of the Air rcquiflta in 
Converfation. ti. That to pleafe in Converfation, a Man mnft 
be Mafter of his Humour. 13. Thatoncmuft Aieak reverencly 
of Holy Things. 14. That one Ihoold di£courfe of State Af> 
lairs with great Rcfervednefs. i;. After what Manner we ihould 
tell News. Price it. 6d. 

£/wKffmir Abridg'd, oracompleatSyfiem of theThcory, and 
Fraftice of Phyfick, being a Defcription of the Difeafes aiBiSing 
Humane Bodies ; with an Account of their Symptomi, Caufes, 
and Cure; Price fi/. 

The whole Works of that Execeljent, Praflical Phyfidan, 
'DT:Thtm»t S)tdnih»m, whereing the HiAory and Cures of acute 
Difeafes are treated of after a new and accurate Method ; but al- 
fo the fhoneft and fafeft Way of curing moft Chronical Difcafcf, 
The Fifth Edition correfted by J. Pieb^, M. D. Price j s. 

Of the Power and Influence of the Sun and Moon on Ha- 
Biane Bodies ; and of the Difealcs that rife ftom thence, by Riehard 
MtsJ, Or. of Fhyfick, and Phyliciin in Ordinary to St. Tim»i's 
HnCpital; Price a/. 

Familiar Letters writ by John late Earl of Rubtflir, to the Ho- 
nourable Hemy Savili, Efq; and other Ferfons of Honour and 
Quality ; with Love -Letters by the Ingenious Mr. ThtmmtOtmM, 
to that Excellent Aftiefs Mrs. Bm^ ; with others, by Captain 
yniAntib, Mrs, PhiBif:, and Mr. iht. Brtvn : To which is added a 
Poem, call'd, Tbt Difniftim nf » Mmdmhtti; writ by the faid 
Earl, and never before printed i Price bound, ^t. 

The Comical Hiftory of fr»ncl«», Satyrically expofing Folly 
andVice, in Variety of Humoun and Adventures, and adapted 
to the Humours of the prelent Age ; faithfully tranfliced by 
Captain Aylii§* % Price 61. 
V Wtvsic if fold lU S9rtf 9f Hifiones, Nvyelf and Flays. 



THE 

WORKS 

Of the Ingenious 

Mr. William Wycherley, 

ColIeAed inio One 

VOLUME: 

Contaioiflg 

Plain-DeaJer, it Gentleman-Dandng- 
maAer. 



,8 



Country-Wife, ) I Love in a Wood. 



jis long at Mm art Falfi atidWmm Vain, 
Wltile Gold continues to be Virtues Bane, 
In foAteJ Sat)ir, Vfycbaley fiall Reign. 

By Mr. Evetjin. 



LONDON: 

Prineed for iKftMi laaifiigton, at the DMi 

and CrnnimSt.PMti Churcb-TarJ. 1713. 



S^TheWotksof >l'-N«'*"»»'i««inTwoVoloiaos» 



I THE 

PLAIN-DEALER 

A 

COMEDY. 

As it is ACTED at the 

Theatre-Royal 



Writ tea h) Mr. Wiche»j.et. 



H O R A T. 

I —RUiailiim tat 
Fmim & mAius tmtgnat ^leritm^fectl ret. 



Licenfed Jatt. 9. i6j6. 

ROGER X'ESTRANGE- 



LONDON: 

Printed for RiclmrJ Welingtm, at the DtlfUn 
aad C«»« in St. fauts Churcb-Tard. 1711. 



Where is fold all Sons of Ptayi- , 



Google 



,.-^.- v^--«^ 



'To my LADY 5-- 

Madam, 

THO* I never had the Hentur to receive a 
Favour from jw, nay^ or Be known to you^ 1 
take the Confidence of an Author to write to 
you a Billiec-Doux Dedicatory^ which is 
MP new thing, for hy mofl Dedications it appears^ 
that Aatbars^ though they praife their Patrons frmrn 
Top to Toe^ aidfeem to turn 'em infide out, know 'etn 
as little as fometimes their Patrons their Boeks^ tho 
they read them out ; and if the Poetical Dangers did 
Met write the Name of the Man or Woman on top of the 
Pi^ure^ 'twere impojthle to guefs whofe it were. But 
you. Madam, without the help of a Poet, have' made 
your felf known and famous in the World; andbecaufe 
jfu do not want it, are therefore mefl worthy of an Epiflle 
Dedicatory. And this Play claims naturaUy your Pro- 
teilion, fince it has lefi its Reputation with the Ladies 
offlri^er Lives in the PJay-boufe ; and Q you know^ when 
^ens Endeavours are difcountenanc'd and refus'd hy 
the nice coy Women of Honour ^ they come to you. TV 
ym the Great and Hohle Patronefs of rejeded andhafl>- 
ful Men, of which numher 1 profefs my felf to he one, 
though a Poet, a Dedicating Poet : To you I fay. Ma- 
dam, who_ have as difcerning a Judgment, in what's 
ohfcene or not, as any fuick-fighted civil Perfon of 'em 
aS, aud can make as much of a dauhle-meaning Saying 
as the hefl of 'em , yet would not, as feme do, make 
nonfenfe of a poet's Jefi, rather than not make it hau- 
Jy : hy which theyfhew, they as little value Wit in a 
play, as in a Lover, provided they can hring t'other 
thing about. Their fenfe indeed lies aU one way, and 
A X there- 



The Epiftle Dedicatory. 

tUrefcre are only for that in a Toet which is movit^^ as 
tbeyfay ; lat what A they mean if that war J mbving i 
lVc3, I mu/i not put 'em to the ihjh^ fince I find Team 
dot. In jhort^ Madam-, jou wou'd not Be one of thife 
who nrvifb a Poet's innocent words, and make *emguil- 
tjl oj their own naugbtine/sQ as 'tis term'd) infpit§ 
of kis teeth- nay^ nothing is fecure from the power of 
their Imaginations j no, not their HushanJsy whom 
they Cuckold witbtbemfelves, h tbinkinz of other Men, 
andfo make the lawful Matrimonial Embraces, Adulte- 
ry ■ wroiig Husiands and Toets in Thought and Word, 
tjf keep their own Reputations ; int your Ladyfhip's Jtt' 
ftice, I knoki, wou'd think a Womaiis Arraigning and 
Oamning a Poet for her own olfienity^ like her crying 
out aRapCy andhangiMg a Man for giving her pkafnre, 
only that fl>e m^ht be thought not to cogent tot ; and 
fo to vindicate ber Honour, forfeits ber Madefy. But 
you. Madam, have too much Mode^y to pretend to't- 
th^ you have as much to f<ty for your Moaefiy as many 
a nicer She ; for you never were feen at this Play, no, 
not the frfi Day j an^ *tis no matter what Peoples 
Uvef have heen, they are unqueflionatly modefi wbt 
frequent not this Play. For, as Jir, Bays fays of bis. 
That it is the only Touchjlone of Mens Wit and Under' 
/landing i mine is, itfeems, tbeonlyToficbfioneof fVo- 
mens Virtue and Hodefly. Bat hold, that Touchfione 
is equivocal, and hy tbeflrength of a Lady's Imagina* 
(ion, may become fomething that is not civil ; but your 
Xadyjhip, I know, fcomstotnifapply aTouchftone. And, 
■ Madam^ tho' you have not feen this Play, Ihope ( Uk$ 
other nice Ladies ) you wiS the rather read it i Tet, 
lefl the Chambermaid, or Page, fhoud not be trt^ed, 
and their Indulgence cou'd gain no further admittances 
for it, than to their Ladies Lobbies or outward Room, 
tnke it into your Care and frotfHiim ; for ly ywr. Ba- 



Tte Epiftle Dedicatory. 

^atiw oMi frKureaienty it may h«ve the t^o- 
kmir. to get into their Clofett : .For what they renounce 
n puhlick, often entertains 'em there, with your help 
efpeciaBy. /»fne. Madam, for tbefe and many other 
rea/oMS, you are the fttefi Patrenefs of Judge of thii 
VUtf ; for joufbew no partiality to this or that Author^ 
for fromfomH, tnany Ladies m'B take abroad Jefl as 
kbearfuSy as from the Watermen, 4nd ^t atfome JowH' 
right filthy Plays (as they caS 'em^ as .jveS fatisfied, 
a»d otfiiB, as a Poet could ivip 'em i^jewherci there- 
fore it mu^ he the douhtful OBfcenifyof my Play alone 
they tate Exceptions at^ hecaufe, it it-teo hajffjulfor 'etp ; 
and indeed^ mofi Women hate. Men for attempting fo 
baheson their Ch^flity : and Baady, tfind, like Satyr, 
fiom'd he home, not to have it taken notice of. But, 
WW / mention Satyr, fome there are who fay, 'Tis the 
TiasH-dealing of the Play^ not the Ohfcenity ; 'tis 
taking off the Ladies Masks, ft offering at their fet" 
tietats, which ^ends 'em : . and generally they are net 
the bandfmefl, or mofl innocent, who are the mifi an- 
ffy at Being difcovert^ t 

• Nihil eft audacius illis . 

Deprehenlis; itam, atq; animosa crirtline fumurtt 

Pardon, Madam, the Rotation, for a Dedication can 
lu mire ie without BnJs of Latin, than Flattery - 
and 'tis no matter whom it is writ to i for an Author 
ems as eafily { I hope) fuppofe- People to have more Un- 
de^anding and Languages than they have^ as weB as 
mre Virtues: But, why the Devil/ fhoud any of 
thefewmodefi and handfome he alarm' d } Q for fome 
thert tire who as weB as any deferve thofe Attrihutes, 
ytt refrain not from feeing this Play, nor think it any 
addiiitu to their Virtue to fet tip for it in a Play- 
Het^e, iefi there it fben'd hok Soo much like ailing ) 
A } . . ... . \..But 



The Epiftle Dedicatory. 

But U)hji, Ifay^ fbou'dany at aU'of tbe'truly Firtuoiii ie 
concern'd, if tbofe \Dho'ari not fo art Mfiingui/h^J frmi 
Vm i Per iy that Mast of Modefiy tshich fVomen wear 
fromifcuoujly in puBlickt they are all alikey and ytn 
can no more kno)» a kept iVeneb from a Woman of Ho- 
nour By her Looks than hy her Drefs ; for tbofe tvho are ef 
^ality mtbout Honour {_ if any fuch there are J they 
. have their ^ality ta fet off their falfe Modefiy^ as 
well ai their falfe Jeiveh, and you mufino more fufpeH 
their Countenances for edunterfeit^ than their Fendants, 
though as the Plain-dealer Montaigne fays^ Els en- 
voy leur confcience a'u Bor'def, & temnertt tear 
continence en regie : But tbofe who ail Ot they lock^ 
ought not to he feandalizeJ at the reprehenfion of others 
faults^ left they tax tbemfelves with Vi», and hy foa 
delicate and quick an apprehenfien not only make that 
ohfcene which I meant innocent^ hat that Satyr en all, 
which was intended only oh , tbo/e who deferv'd it. 
Buty Madam, I ieg your pardon for this Digreffim, 
to civil Women and Ladies of Honour., ^ncejou and I 
Jhali never he the letter for 'o>» ; fat' a Comic Foet, 
and a Lady of your VrofeffiOHy m^ke mofl of the other 
fort, and the Stage j and your Houfes^ like our Planta- 
tionSf are propagated hy the leafl nice Women ; and as 
with the Minifiersof Jufiicey the Vices of the Age are 
«Hr hefi Bufinefs, But now I mention pullick Ferfmi, 
Icon no longer defer doing you the Juflice of a Dediea^ 
tion^ and teSing you your own ; who are, of all pui' 
lick-fpirited People^ the mofi necejfary, mefl communis 
cative, moft generous and hofpitahle ; your Houfe has . 
hen the Houfe of the People^ your Sleep fiiU difiurlfd 
for the fuhiicky and when you arofe, 'twas that others 
might lie downy and you waked that others might re^ ; 
the good you have done is unfpeakahle % How many young 
unexperiencd Heirs have you kept from rafh fooH^ 
. ..Mar' 



The Epiftic Dedicatory; 

Marriott ? atijfrtm hing jihe^ jet their Levis iy 
the morjljort of "JiltSy fVives f Bow many imhwiteb'J 
fViJoaers Cbilefren ba-yeytuprefervJfrgm the Tyratmy 
»f Stepmctbers } Him mamy qU Dcatenffom CuckelJ- 
^e, and keeping other Mens Wehebes and Children ? 
How many Adulteries and nnnatural Sins have you pre- 
vented ? Infir^^ you have heen a cdnftaiit Scourge to the 
old lechery and often a terror to the yokng^; you have 
made Concupifience its om Purtifhrnent^ akd extinguif^ 
ed L^fi with Luff J like Mowing up of Honfes to flop 
the Fire. 

Niinirum propter coiitinentiam, incontinentia 
Neceffiiria eft, incendium ignibus extinguitur. 

There' slAim for you again^ lHadamj I proteft to yoiil 
Oil am an Author, l cannot help it, nay, I can bird' 
Iy keep myfelffrom quoting Ariftotle and Horace, and 
talking to you of the Rules of Writing ( like the French 
Authors ) tojhewyou and my Raader I underfiand 'emt 
' inmy Efiflle^ lefl neither of you (hou'd find it out if 
the Play ; and according to the Rules of Dedications, 
'tis iro matter whether you underfiand or no^ what I 
quote or fay to you, of Writingi for an Author tanak 
eafily make any one a fudge or Critick, in an Epiffle, 
as an Hero in hit Play : But, Madam, ibat this maf 
prove to the end a true Epiftle Dedicatory^ 7V have 
you know 'tis not without a Defign aponjou, whitb » /« 
the Behalf of the Fraternity of Parnaflus, that Sbngs 
andSonnets may go at your Houfes , and in your Uhtr* 
jiesi for Guineas and half Guineas ; ■: and that 
Wit, at kafi with you, as of old, may he the priti 
of Beanfy, and fo you will prove a true eueourager 
^ Poetry i for tove is a Better, help to it than Wini ( 
dnd Poets, like Painierst draw Better after the. 
hife^ thorn By Fancy ) Hay, in Jtiftice, Madain, 1 
A 4 think 



The Epiftic Dedicatory; 

ibiiii a ftet oi^bt tt h as fne 1/ your Ha^eSi as<^ 
tbt ¥lay-H»ufit ! fince he cmtrihues to tbefupptrt 4^ 
hath, an J is as ntceffaty to pub as ycH, OS a Ballad 
finger to a Fitk-furfi, in cKtoening the OtUiesM the 
Tbetares^ to he pitVd up. and carry* d to Supper «md 
Bed at your Ho^es. Am, Madam, tbe return ef this 
Motion^ wuM iSf hecat^epoor Poets can get no Favour 
- iutbe Tyri^RoontSy for they are no Keeper s^ you know | 
and Folly and Money, the old Enemies of Wit^ are e-. 
Vfn too bard for it on its own Dunghill t and for ether 
Ladies , a Poet canleafigoto the price of them; he 
fides his Wit^ which ought to recommend him to Vw, is 
asmttchaHohfiruSlion to bis Love, as to his Wealth or 
Preferment ; for mofi Women now-aiays, apprehend 
Wit in a Lover f as much as in a Husband \ they hate 
aM4ntbat knows 'em, they mufi have a Hind eafieFoal, 
iobom they can lead By the Nofe, and as the Scythian 
Women of old, mufl hafle a Man, and put out his Eyes^ 
e' re they wiS lie with him ; and then too, like Thieves, 
when they have plurder'd and fiript a Man, have him, ' 
But if there fhau'd he one of an hundred of thofe Ladies 
"generous enough togive berfelf to a Man that has more 
Wit than Money, (^a3 things conftder'd ) hewouJthink 
it cheaper comingtojou for a BUfirefs, though yui made 
bim pay. bis- Guinea ; as a Man in a Journey, ^ out of 
piod husbandry) bad better pay for what he hat in an 
Inn, than lie onfree-coji at a Gentleman s Houfe. 

In fine,. Madam, lik^ a faithful Dedicator, I hope I 
baix done my felf right in thefirfi place,* then you, and 
your Profejfion, which in the wifefi an J mofl Religious 
Government in the World, it honour d with the publiek 
Allowance • and in tbofe that are thought the mofi tm- 
tiviliz'd and barbarous, isproteBed, and fupported by 
the MOAfiers of Jt^ice i andof you. Madam, lougbt 
tofgy no.^wore bercy for your Virtues deferve a Poem 

rather 



The Epiftle Dedicatory^ 
rsthertbM an Sfi§U^ w a VtUimt mtire to ghe the 
iVtrUyBwr Memein^ or Life at iarge^ and wbkb (^uf- 
o» the word of <m Author that hot a mind to make am 
eudtf bii Dedication) Ipromfe to do^ when J write the 
AmuU of our BritUh Love, vbich Jhall he dedicated 
to the Ladies concern d, vf they will not think them 
fomething too ohfcene too ; when yonr Life^ compar'J 
with many that are tbongfit innocent. Idonh not mof 
vindkateyon, aadme^ to the World, for the confidence 
1 have taken in thii Addrefs to you j which then may he 
tbongbt neither impertinent nor immodeft^ and^ t^at* 
foever your Amorous Misfortunes have heen, none cam 
charge you with that heinous, and toor/i of Womens 
Crimes, Hypocrifie ; nay, in fpite of Misfortunes or 
Age, yon are the fame Woman fiill ; thou^ mefi of your 
Sex grow Magdalens at Fifty, and as a folid French 
Author has it, 

Apres le plaifir, vien't la peine, 
' Apres la peine la vertu ; 
But fare an old Sinners Continency is much like a 
Oamefier's forfvearing Play, when he hadlo^ all his 
Moneys atfd Mcdefly is a kind of a youthful Drejs, 
which as it makes a young Woman more aimahle, makes 
an eld one more navfeous; a hafhful old Wanan is like 
an hopeful old Man ; and the affeSed Cbtfffity of anti' 
quated Beauties is rather a Reproach than an Honour to 
'em, for it fhews the Mens f^ertue only, not theirs. Bnt 
ytu, in fine. Madam, are no more a Hypocrite than lam 
when / praife you i therefore I douht not will he thought 
(^evenly yours and the Plays Enemies, i be nicefi Ladies') 
to he tbefittefi patronefs f9,r. 

Madam, 
Yovr Ladyfliip's mofl obedient, 
faithful, bumble Servant, and 

The Plain-Vealer: 



PROLOGUE, 

Spoken by /ie Plain-'Deiler. 

IT^e P L A I U-t> E A LE R am to 4^ to Day, ' ". 
4nd my rough, Tart begins before the Play. 
J?, you who Scribble^ yet bate all that Writti 
Uind teep each ether Company in jftte, 
jis Rivals in yettr common Mi firefly Fame^ 
And -with faint Praifes, one another Damn : 
'Tis a good Flay (we know} you eant forgive^ 
But grudge your felvesf the Pleafure you receive^ 
Our Scri6ler therefore bluntly bid mefay^ 
He woudnet have the Witj fleai'd here to Day. 
INextf you J the fine^ loud Gentlemen, t tb' Pit, 
Who Damn all Plays ; yet^ if y'ave any Wit^ 
'Tit but what here you ffunge, and daily get ^ 
Taetii like Friends to whom you are in Debt, 
Tou hate ; andfo Rooks laugh, to fee undone 
Thofe fujhitig Gamefiert whom they live uPon. 
WeS, you are Sharks j and fliU wiU be i' th fafliion J' 
Rail thin, at Plays, to hide your Obligation. 
Hew, you Jhrewd yudges, wbothe Boxes fway. 
Leading the Ladies Hearts and Senfe afiray. 
And, for their fakes, fee all, and hear no Play ; 
Cerre^ your Cravats, Fitretepi, Leek behind^ 
The Drefs and Breeding of the Play ne'er mindi 
Plain- Dealing is, you Id fay, ^uiteeut of fallen i 
Tou II hate it here, ai ina Dedication. 
Ahd your fair Neighbours, in a Limning Pott^ 
Ne mere than in a Painter v^ill-allew it. 
TiHuru too like, the Ladies will not pleafe : 
Tiey mufi be drawn too here, like Goddeffes. 
Tou, at at Leiy V too, woud Truwheon wiild^ 
And took like Heroes, in a paintett Mild ; 

m. 



::l 



PROLOGUE. 

£ut the ceurfe Vauher tf the a/miag Stenesi 

To foBow Life, and Nature's enly means, 

"Dlfflays yon J as you are : makes his fine WamoH 

A mercenary Jiltt and true to no Man j 

Hm Men nf Wit, anifleafwre of the Age, 

Are as dull Rogues^ as ever mmbtr'd Stagt : 

He draws a Friend, only toCufiem juB, 

And makes him naturally break bis Trufi. 

It only AH a Part, like none (f you, 

And yet, you II fay, it u a Fool's Part too : 

An bonefi Man, mbc like you, never winks 

At Faults j but unlike you, fpeakt what be thinks ! 

lie only Fod, who ne'er.fouad Patron yet. 

For Truth is now a Fault at well as Wit, 

And where elfe, hut on Stages do we fee "J 

Truth f leafing, or rewarded Hentfiy ? > 

Which our bold Poet dots thii Day in me. . ) 

If net i» tb' Honifi, be to th' Vrofftrous kind, 

Sam iriendt at Cotrt let tbt PLAIN-DEALER J9h/. 



;, Google 



Ation Namer* 



Math Of an boaeft/arlf, nice Humour, "Ms.Bartl 

fnppos'd firft in the Timeof the 

Ottteb War, to have proeurM 

the Command of a Snip, ont 

of Honoar^ not Intereft ; and 

cbafing a Sea-Life only ra- a- 

Void the World. 
JEVrfNMM MmZ/sLieutnant, a Gentleman l&s. Kjnttfianl 

well Educated, but of a broken 

Ponune, a Compiler with the 

Age. ^ 

Vemipi JMi(«//t Bofom and only Friend. Mt.Griffittt 

Kivtl A pert railing Coxoomb, and an l&r. CUrk, 

Admirer of Noretdei, makes 

Love 10 Olivia, 
MdjvrOldfox An old impertinent Fop, given t(x MLCtrtwri^h^ 
• .Scribling, makes Lote to the 

Lerd-PtauJ^U A cerenionioas,fuppIei commend- lAt.Haimt. 

ing Coxcomb, in Love with 

Olivia. 
^err.SUckticre A true raw Squire , under Age, Mr. Charlton. 

and his Mother's Government, 

bred to the Law. 

Women, 

Olivia JMaul/i Miftrefs. Mri. Mar/haL 

Fijeliit In Love with Manly, and follow'd Mrs. BouteS. 

him to Sea in Man's Cloathi. 
Eli!{a ConCn to Olivia. Mrs. Kptp- 

Lmia Olivia's Womati. Mrs. Kjugh^' 

ff^d.Black.acre A petulant, litigions Widow, al- Mrs. Cor;/. 

ways in Law, and Mother to 

Squire feny. 

LnrjerSt I^jtigbts of tlie poji, Baylifft anJAlJermm, a BiakftSer^i 
Prentice, a footbi^^ Saikri, Pfaiiert, and Attenddntt. 

The SCENE LONDON. 

The 



(i) 

THE 

Plain ^Dealer. 

ACT I. SCENE L 

Captain yUn\y*s iM/gu^, 

Enter CMtai>iMsm\yfiirUlj/i Mni my LordPIaafiUe 

fdlewing^ him : and two StaUrt hebind. 



Mm. y ■ ^ELL not me (my good Lord VlanfitWy 



of yoDr Decemmif fupercilious Forms^ 



■ and fiavifh Ceremonies ; yoQr littlo 
JL. V Tricksj which yon the Spaniels of the 
World do daily over and over^ for and to one another $ 
HOC ont of Lore or Duty, bac your ferrile Fear. 

L. Plamf. Nay, i'falth, i'faich, you are coo paffionate,' 
and I maft humbly beg your Pardon and leave to tell 
you, they are the Arts and Rules the Prudent of the 
World walk by. 

Man. Let'em. Butl'II havenoLeadiog-ftrings,! can 
walk alone ; I hate a Harnefs, and mil not tag on in 
a Fadion, ki(£ng my Leader behind, that another Slave 
may do the like to me. 

L. Tlauf. What, will you be lingular then , like no 
Body ? follow Love, and efteem no Body i 

Man. Rather than be general, like you, follow every 
Body, Court and Kifs every Body ; though perhaps at 
the fame time you hate every Body. 

L. Plauf. Why, feiioafly with your Pardon^ my dear 
Triond— — 

A^m. Wjr» 



a The Vkin^VeaUr. 

Man. With yonr Pardon, my no Friend, I will not, 
as yott do, whilper my hatred, or my fcorn, call a Man 
Fool or Knave, by Signs or Mouths over -his Shoulder, 
whilft you have him in your Arms ; for fiich as you, 
like common Whores and Pickpockets, are only dan- 
gerous to thofe yon embrace. 

L.Vlauf Such as 1 1 Heivens defend ipe upon 

my Honour ; 

Man. Upon yonr Title, my Lord, if you'd have mp 
Ijelieve yoq. 

Z- Tlauf. Well then, as I am a Pcrfon of Honour, I 
never attempted to abufe, or lelTen any Perfon ifi my 
life. 

Man. What, yoij were afraid? 

L. Tlauf. No* ' but ferioufly, I hate to do a rude 
thing : no, faith, T fpeak well of all Mankind. 

Man. I thought fo ^ but know, that the fpeaking well 
of alt Mankind, is the worft kind of Detraifiion ,■ for it 
takes away the Reputation of the few good Men in the 
World, by making all alike : now, I Ipeak ill of moif 
Men, becaufe they defecve itj I that can do a rude 
thing, rather than an unjuft thing. 

L- Tlauf. Well, tell npt jpe, my dear Friend , what 
People deferve, I ne'er mind that ; I , like an Author 
in a Dedication, never fpeak well of a Man for his fake, 
but my own ; I will not difparage any Man, to difpa- 
rage my felf j for to fpeak ill of People l>ehind thei^ 
Backs, is not like a Perfon of Honour ; and truly i;o 
fpeak ill of 'em to their Faces, is not like a complai- 
fam Perfon : But if I did fay, or do an ill thing to any, 
it ihou'd be fure to be behind their Backs, out of pure 
£ood Manners. 

Man. Very well, but I, that am an unmannerly Sea- 
fellow, if I ever fpeak well of People (which is very 
feldom indeed) it {hou'd be fure to be behind their 
Backs i and if 2 wou'd fay or do ill to any, it (hou'd be 
to their Faces : I wou'd julllea proud, ftrutting, over- 
looking Coxcomb, at the head of his Sycophants, ra- 
^her t!^n put out my Tongue at him when he were 
pad me ; wou'd frown in the arrogant, big, dull Face 

of 



The Ptaiiit)eakr. f 

6( 99 jbyef'grown Knare of Bufinefs, rather than vene 
my bpleen 'againll him, when his Back were turo'd ; 
woo'd give Owning Slares the Lie, whilit they em- 
brace or commend me ; Cowards whilft tbey brag ; call 
a Rafcal by no other Title, tho' his Father had left him 
tt Dake's ; laugh at Fooh aloud before their MtfirefTes : 
And mud defite People to leave me, when their Vifits 
grow at laft as troubiefome as they were ac firft im- 
pertinent. 

L. ?lauf. I wou'd not have my Vifits tronblefonie. 

Man. The Only way to be fnre not to have 'em trou- 
blefome, is to make 'em when People are not ac home, 
for your Vifits, like other good turns, are mofl oblj- 
S^og, when made, or done to a Man in his Abfence. 
VoXi why fhou'd any one, becaufe he has nothing to 
do, go and difturb another Man's Bufmefs. 

L. Vlauf. I beg your Pardon, my dear Friend. What, 
you have Burinefs i 

Matt. If you have any, I wou'd not detain yoar 
Xiordihip. 

' L. TUuf. Detain me , dear Sir, I can never have 
enough of your Company. 

Man. I'm afraid I Ihou'd be tirefome : I know not 
what you think : 

L. Plauf Veil, dear Sir, I fee you'd have me gone. 

fiian. But I fee yon won't. t-^/?</lr. 

L. Tlauf Your moft faithful— 

Man. God be w'ye, my Lord. 

f- 7lauf. Your moft humble— —r- 

Man. Farewel. 

L. Tlauf. And eternally—— 

Man. And eternally Ceremony— —then the Devil 
take thee eternally. {Jfidt, 

L. Tlauf. You fhall ufe no Ceremony, by my Ufe. 

Man. I do not intend it. 

Z. Plauf. Why do you ftir then ? 

Man, Only tofee yououcofDoors, thatlmayfliut 
*cni againft more Welcomes. 

L. Plauf Nay , Faith, chat fluU not pafi upon your 
pioft £iiEhfu]j hbmble Servant. 



4 Tbt Flafn-Deater. 

Mam Nor thh any more upon tne. l^i^ 

L. VUuf. WelU you are too ftrong for me^ 
Man. I'd foonerbe vifited by the ffbgue; for chae 

only wou'd keep a Mao from Vifits, and his Doors 

iline. [^M. 

{laxh thrnSing out my Lord Flaufible. Manet Sailors* 

X SaU. Here s a finical Fellow, Jack ! What a brave 

Etir-weather Captun of a Ship he wou'd make ? 

2 SaiL He a Captain of a Ship I it mufl be when 
fhc's in die Bock then j for he looks like one of thofs 
that gets the Kings Commiffions for Hulls to fbll a 
Kings Ship, when a brare Fellow has fought her al- 
moft to a Long-boat. 

I Sail. On my Confcience then, Jaei, that's the rea* 
Ion our Bully Tar funk our Ship : not only that the 
Dutch might not hare her, but that the Courtiers, who 
laugh at wooden Legs, might not make her Prize. 

3 Sail. A Fox of his finking, Tom, we have made a 
faafe, broken, Ihort Voyage of it. 

I Sail. Ay, your brisk Dealers in Honour, always 
make quick Returns with their Ship to the Dock, and 
their Men to the Hoffntals ,- 'tis, let me fee , juft a 
Month fince we fet but of the Rjverj and th« Wind 
was almoil as crofs to us as the Dfitcb. 

3 Sail. Well, I forgive him finking my own poor 
Trunk, if he wou'd but have given me Time and Leave 
to have fav'd Black Kate of Waffing\ fmall Venture. 

I Sail. Faith, I forghrc him, fince, as the Pnrfer told 
me, he fuuk the Value of five or fix thoufand Pound 
of his own, with which he was to fettle himfelf fome- 
where in the Inditi , for our merry Lieutenant was to. 
fucceed him in his Commiffion for the Ship back, for 
he was refolv'd never to return again for Ef^lanJ. 

1 Sail. So it feem'd, by his Pighting. 

I Sail No, but he was a weary ofthis Side of the 
World here, they fay. 

z Sail Ay , or elfe he wou'd not have bid ib fair 
for a Paffage into t'other. 

I Sail. Jackj thott think'ft thy Cslf in the Forecaftle, 
thoa'it fo waggiib i but I tcU you then, he bad a MM 



The Plain-Dealer. y 

to go lire and bask himfelf on che fonny Side of the 
G\obe. 

2 Sail. 'Whar, out of any difcontem ? for he's al- 
ways as dogged as an old Tarpaulin , whea hinder'd 
o/a Voyage by a young Pantaloon Captain. 

1 Sail. TTis true, I never faw hira pleas'd but in the 
Figftt, and then he look'd like tone of us coming from 
the Pay-Tabte, with a new lining to our ]^es under 
oQr Arms. 

X Sail. APox, he's like tbe^A^ of £j/^0^, rough abfl 
angiy , let the Wind blow where 'twill. 

X Sail. Nay, there's no more dealing with htm,than 
with the Land in a Storm, No- near- - . . 

2 Sail. Tis a hurry- dnrry Blade^ doft thcjl remem- 
ber after we had tngg'd hard the old leaky Lot]g-boat^ 
to fave his Life, when I welcom'd him alhorCi he gave 
me a box on the Ear, and catl'd.nte fawning Watci> 
Dog. , , 

Enttt Maaly and Ftegrpait. 

I Sail Hold thy peace, ;y«ei,andftand by, the foOl 
Weather's coming. 

Man. You Rafcals, Dogs, how xioa'd this tame thing 
get through you ? ■ i ■ i . . 

1 Sail. Faith, totell y6nrJH6nour the Truth, wd 
were at Hob in the Hall, and whillt' my Brothes snd 
I were quarrelIing;about'a Caft, .hqflunk by iis.' .■ ; 

2 Sail. He's k fneaking Fello*? I warrant for'ti. 
Man. Have more care for the fdture, you SI^fcsJ 

go, and with drawn' Cutlaces, fluid at the Stalr-footf 
and keep all that ask for me from coming up : fijppofo 
yen are guarding the Scuttle to the Powder-Room : 
let none entef here, at your and their petil. 

I Sail. No, for the Danger WAu'd be the faipe j ypa 
wou'd blow them and us up, if wq ftiou'd. 
. i Sail: Muft no one come to ycni. Sir i 

Man. No Man, Sir. 
. -t Sail. NO'Manj Sir, bntaWomaa thep, .an'cUke' 
your HooDUiJ— — r- .■■!■., ■ ' , ,; 

Man No. Woman neither, you.uDpertinentJDp^ 
WfiluViyou be Pimping ? ASestKnip^is (tn firsnaeft 
Mwilter fliehar. B z Sail. 



6 The ?Ui»-VtaUf'. 

X S»il. Indeed, an't like your Honotirj 'twill be hard 
for us to deny a Woman any thing, fmce we are fo 
newly oc»ne on Shore. 

X Ssil. We'll let no old Woman come ftp, thoag^ 
h were osr Trnftine Landlady at Wt^^g. 

Men. Wou'd you be witty, you Brandy Casks you? 
you become a Jeft as ill -as you do a Horfe. Be gone, 
yon Dogs, I hear a Nolle on the Stairs. (Exit Sailors. 

Fret. Faiih, I am forry you wou'd let the Fop go, 
I intended to have hzd fome Sport whh him. 

Man, Sport with him ! A Pox then, why did yoB 
not flay ? yon Ihoo'd hare enjoy'd your Coxcomb, 
and had him to your felf for me. 

Free. No, I Ihou'd not have car'd for him wntfaoDC 
you neither ; for the Plesfure which Fops afibrd, is 
nkethac of Drinking, only good when 'tis fliar'd j 
and a Fool like a Bottle, which wou'd make yos 
merry in Company, wHl make yoti dull alone. But 
how the Devil con'd yon tnm a Man of his Quality 
Sown Stairs i You ufe a Lord wkb very Ikde Cere- 
mony, it feems. 

Man. A Lord I What, rhon arc one of chofe wha 
efleem Men only by the Marks and value Fortnne 
has fet upon 'em, and never consider intriofick worthy 
but counterfeit Honour will not be current with me, 
I weigh the Man, not his Title } 'tis not the King's 
Stamp can make the Metal better or heavier : Your 
Lord is a leaden billing, which you may bend every 
way, and debafes the Stamp he bears, inltead of being 
rais'd by it : Here again, you Slaves i 
Enter Sailors. 

X Sail. Only to receive -farther Inflrudioos, an't 
Hke your Honour : What if a Man (hou'd bring yoa 
Money, (hou'd wq turn him back ? 

Matt. All Men, I fay ,* muill be pettei'd with yoa 
too ? you Dogs away. 

2 Sail. Nay, I know one Man yonr Honoor wou'd 
not have us hinder coming to ;jrou, Fm (ore. 
Mm. Who's that i (peak quickly. Slaves. 
' 3 SmH, Why, b Man duuOioa'a bringyou a Chal^ 



The PlatH'DeaUr. 7 

fctig6 J for though you re&fe Mofiey, Vva fitrb ioa. 
ioTC Fighting too well to refbfe that. 

Mmt. Rogncj Rafcal, Doe. {Richtb*%A\tmcitt. 

JWe. Nay, 'let the poor Rogues have their Tor&i 
caffle Jefls ; tbey cannot help 'etti in a Fight^ feared 
when a Ship's Hnking. 

Man. Damn their untimely Jefls j i Seifaat's Jeff 
is more faacinefs than his ConnfeK 

Fne. bat what , will you fee no Body ? not yaai 
Friends ? 

iMtfK. Fiiends^-^^t have bai one, and he, I bear, U 
Hot in Town ; nay , can hare btit one Friend , for A 
true Heart adniits hot of one Ftiendlhip , as of one 
Love ; bat in having that Friend, I have a Thoafand^ 
for he has the Courage of Men in Defpair, yet the. 
diffidency and caution of Cowards ; the fecrefie of 
the Reveugeful, dnd the conftancy of Martyrs : one 
fit to advife, to keep a fecretj to ^ght and die for his 
Friend. Such 1 think him, for I hare tnifted him with 
my Miflrefs in my Abfence j and the truft of Beauty, 
H fare the greateft We can ffaew. 

Frit. Wellj but all your good Thoughts are notfot 
him alone ( I hope ? ) pny what d'ye think of me 
kt a Friend i 

Mm. Of thee J Why, thou art a LatituJirurian id 
Friendffaipj that is no Friend ; thou doft lide with all 
Mankind, but wilt fuffer for none. Thou art indeed 
like your Lord Phujihle, the Pink of Courtelie, there- 
fore haft no Friendfliip ; for Ceremony, and gteat 
Profeffing, renders Ftiendlhip as much fufpeded, af 
it does ReUgion. 

fWf. And no Profeffing, no Ceremony at all in 
Friendifaip, were as unnatural and as undecent as in 
Religion i and there is hardly fuch a thing as an ho- 
Deft Hypocrite, who profefles himfelf to be worfs 
than be is, nnlels it be your felf j for, though I con'd 
never get yoa to fay you were my Friend, I know 
you'U prove fo. 

Mm. I ninft confefs, Tm fo much your Friend, 1 

voa'd not deceive yon, dierefore mun tell yoa (not 

B *. onl/ 



8 The TUin-Dcaleri 

Qp\y bfcaofe my H^c is taken up> but according to 

your kules of Friendlmpj I caono; be yoiir Friend. 

/wa,. Why, pray, ?i ;. a 

_ Mitn. Becaufehe that i»(yutt11 fay) a true Friend to 
a Man, is a Friend.'to all his Friends; bntyoumaft 
pardon 'nie, I cannot wifti well to Pimps,' Flatterers, 
Berrac^ers, and Oiw^rds, ftiff nodding Knaves, and 
fupple pliant kiffing Fools : now, all chele I have feen 
you >ife,. like ih& dearefl Friends in the World. 

Free, tta, ha, ha ■ What, you obferv'd rae, I 

warrant, in the Galleries at Wbitthall, doing the bufn 
nefsofithe Place! Pfcaw , Court-profeffions, like. 
Court-'prbmifes, go for nothing, Man ! but. Faith, 
coi^ld .you- think I was a Friend to all tho|e- 1 hngg'dj 
tifi'd, iJatler'd, boVdtoo? Ha, ha— 
) .Mm: You told 'eni(o,and fwore it toojiheard you. 
, -Free.. Ay, but when their Backs were tum'd, did I 
nop-^l ycm they -were Rogues, Villains, RafcaUy 
whom i defjns'd and hated ? 
. Man. Very Ene ! But what. Reafon had I to be- 
lieve you fpoke yonr Heart to me, fmc^ yoa profefs'd. 
deceiving ib many ? , 

Frte. Why, don'c you know, good Captain, th^t 
telling truth is a Quality as prejudicial toia M^n thac 
wou'd thrive in the World, as fqtiare Play to .a Cheat, 
or true Love to a Whore ! Wou'd you have a Man 
fpeak truth to his ruin ? You are feverer than the 
Law, which requires no Man to fweac againft him- 
ieU"j you wou'd have me fpeak truth ag^inft my felfi 
I vvarrant, and tell my promifing Friend, the Cour- 
tier, he has a bad Memory i 

Man. Yes. 

Free. And fo make him remember to forget my 
bufinefs ^ and 1 Ihou'd tell the great Lawyer too, that 
he takes oftner Fees to hold his Tongue, than to fpeak : 
': Man. No doubt on't. 

Free. Ay, and liave him hang or ruin me , when 
he'fhou'd come to be a Judge, and I before him. And 
you wou'd have me tell the new Officer, who boujght 
his Employment lately, th^t he is a Coward. 

^\ Man. 



The TlaithDealer. 9 

Mm. Ay; ■. . ■ 

F^te. And fo get my fclf cafliietM, not him,, lie ha- 
ving the better Friends, though I the better Sword. 
And I ftion'd tell the Scribler of Honour, that Heral- 
dry were a prettier and fitter Study for fo fine a Gen- 
tleman than Poetry. 

Man. Certainly. 

B-». And fo find my felf maol'd in his next hir'd 
Lampoon. And yon wou'd hare me tell the holy La- 
dy too, Ihe lies with her Chaplain. 

Man. Nodonbton't. 

Free. And fo draw the Clergy upon my Back, and 
want a good Table to Dine at fometimes. ^d by 
the ftme reafon too, I flton'd tell you that the World 
thinks you a Mad Man, a Brutal, and have you cue 
my Throat , or worfe , hate me 1 What other good 
faccefs of all my Plain-dealing cou'd 1 have, than what 
I've mention'd ? 

M»Sf Why, 6rft your promi(in£ Courtier wou'd 
keepTfis Word out of fear of more Reproaches ; or at 
lean wou'd g^ve you no more vain hopes : your Law- 
yer wou'd (crve you more faithfully ,* for he, having 
no Honour but his Iniereft, is trueft ftitl to him he 
knows fufpeds him : The new Officer wou'd provoke 
thee to make him a Coward, and fo be cafhier'd, that 
thoUj or fome other honeft Fellow, who had more 
Courage than Money, might gac his place : the noble 
Sonnetteer wou'd trouble thee no more with his Ma- 
drigals : the praying Lady ' wou'd leave off railing 
at Wenching bef(>re thee, and not turn away her 
Chamber-maidj for her own known frailty with thee : 
And I inftead al 'hating thee, fhou'd love thee for thy 
Vlam-dealmg • and in lien of being mortify 'd, am proud 
that the World and I' think not well of one another. 

■J^«. WeH, ' Dodors differ.' You are fbr'P/«'«-JM/- ■ 
inft, I find's but againft your particular Notiwis, I 
have the Praaicd of the Whole' World. CMtwz but 
any Mdrning what People dd'When they get -toge- 
ther on the Exc^an^e^m H^eff-minJiefHalt ^ or tfce- Gal- 
lflies in WhittktiU. - / ' " • ..■.'..-:."' 
' ' ' B J ... .Aii»- 



Man. I tnuft confefs , there they feem to rehearfo 
Bayi% grant) Dance: here yon ft« 4 Bi&op bowing 
lou^ to a gaudy Atheift ; a Judge to a Door-keeper j 
a great Lord to a Fiftanonger, ot a Scrivener w«h a 
Japk-Chain abont his Neck i a Lawyer to a Sergeanc 
at Arms ; a Velvet Phyfician to a Thread-bare Chy- 
tnifi : and a fupple Gentleman-Ulher, to a furly Beef- 
eater : -and fo tread round in a pr^>ofterous huddle of 
Ceremony to each pther, whilft they can hardly hold 
(heir folemn falfc Countenances. 
, Free. Well, they underftand the World- 

Man. Which I do not, I confefs. 

Free. But, Sir, pray believe the FHendlhip I pro* 
mife youj real, whatfoever I have pro&fi to others ; 
jcry me, at leaft. 

Man. Why, what woa'd you do for me ? 

Free. I woo'd hght for you. 

Man. That you wou^d do for yo^r own Honourj 
^nt what elfe ? " 

Free. I wou'd lend you Money, if I bad it. 

Mfn. To borrow more of me another time. That 
were but putting your Money to Intereft, an Ufurer 
wou'd be as good a Friend, But what other piece of 
Friendfhtp i 

Free. I wou'd fpeak well of you to your Enemies. 

Mm. To encourage others to be your Friends, by 
9 fhew of Gratitude ; but what elfe ? 

Free. Nay, I wou'd not hear you ill fpokep of be- 
hind your Back, by my Friend. 

Af«H.Nay,thenthoa'rt.a.Friend ind^d j but it were 
tmreafonable to exped it from thee, ai the World goes 
now : when new Friends^ like new Miftreflesj ^e goe 
by difparflging eld ones. 

Eitm Fidelia. 
But here comes another, will fay ai mngh at taaft, 
dofi tfaau not loye ipe dwitiflily too, my little Voloo- 
tier, as well as he, or any Man caa^ 

Fti. Bener than any Man can love yon, ny dent 
Captain. 

Aftfs, Look yoa thcTQ, Itolt^yoaJQ. 



TZv Fhin-Deakri n 

f'uL As wdll 31 yon do Trutb <x Honour,^, as well. 

MM.Nayjgood young Gentle[iian,enoDgh^r fitanie j 
choa hail been a Page, by thy flatteiiog and Lyine, 
CO one of thofe jvaying Ladies, who love Flattery fo 
well, they arc jealous of it, and wertturn'd away for 
&ying ttie fame things to the old Houfe-keeper for 
Sweet-meats, as you did to yoar Lady ,■ for thou flat« 
tei^ every- thing, and every Body alike. 

Rd. You, dear Sir, fliou'd not fufped die tnidi <A 
what I fay of you, though to yon ; Fame, the old 
Lyar, is belier'd when fiie fpeaks wonders of yon ; 
yoa cannot be flattbr'd , Sir, your Merit is nnfpeak- 
sble. 

Man. Holdi hold. Sir, or I fiiall fufpeft worfe of 
you, that you have been a Cufliion-bearer ro fome 
State Hypocrite,and tum'd away by the Chaplains, for 
ont-Rattering their Probation Sermons for a Benefice. 

Rd. SnfpeA me for any thing. Sir, but the want of 
Love, Faith and Duty to you, the braveft, worthieft 
of Mankind } believe roe, I could die for you, Sir. 

Man. Nay, there you He, Sir; did not I fee thes 
more ateid in the Fight , than the Chaplain of tho 
Ship, or the Purfer that bpught his Place ? 

Fid. Can he be laid to be afraid, that ventures to 
Sea with you ? 

Man. Fie, fie, no more, I fhall hate thy Flattery 
worfe than thy Cowardife, nay, than thy Brag^g. 

fid. Well, I own then I was afraid ; mig^ly a- 
^id ; yet fix you I wou'd be afraid again, an hun- 
dred times afraid : dying is cealing to be afraid, and 
that I cou'd do fure for you , and you'll believe mo 
one day. [Wtep. 

Free. Poor Yonth I believe his Eyes if not his 
Tongue : he feems to fpeak Truth widi tbem. 

Mm, What, does he cry } A Pox on't, a mandlin 
Flatterer is as naafeouQy troublefome as a mandlin 
Drunkard j no more, you little Milk-fop, do not cry, 
I'll never make thee afraid again ,■ for of all Men, if I 
had occafipa, thou fhou'dft not be my Second ; and 
when I go to Sea again, thon (halt veiuttie thy Lifo 
no oioie with mc B4 .,15^ 



I'll the..¥Ui»Dealer. 

Fiii> "Why, will you leave me behind then ? 
( If you. yipu'd preferve my Life, . I'm fiue you /hou'd 
not; ) . . l^fide, 

Aia/i. Leave thee behind ! Ay, ay, thoa art a hope- 
ful Youth for the Shore only j here thou wilt lire to 
Ipechei-ilh'd by Fortune, and the Great ones ; for tbov 
inay'ft e^ly.come to out-flatter a dull Poetj out-lie a 
CofTee-houie, or Gaz^t-writer, out-fwear a Knight 
pf the Pc^ out-watch a Pimp, out-fawn aRook, out- 
pcomife a LoreryOUE-rail a Wit, and out-brag 3 SeA-" 
Captain: All this thou, canft do, bgcaufe tboq'jcc a 
jQoward, a thing I hate , therefore thou'lt do better 
with the World than with me, and thefe are the good 
pourfes you rouft take in the World.; There's good 
^dvice,at leaft, at parting j go, and be (lappy with'r. 
. FiJ. Parting, Sir!, O let me not h^arthat difaaal 
Word. 

, Matf. If my Words frighten thee, be gone the foon- 
pr ; for (0 be plain with tt^ee, CpwardiTe and I can- 
not dwell together. , „ 

. Fid. .^t)d Cruelty and Courage never dwelt toge- 
fhsr.rur«. Sir. Do i>ot turn me off to fliame and mi- 
fery, for I am helplefs and friendlef^. 
. , Afap. Friendlefs I tjier* are half a fcore Friends 
for thee ihenjlofen herGold.^ Heave myfclfnomore; 
■Xhej'll tjelp thee a little, Be gone, go, I muft be 
cruet to ,thee (if thou call'ft it fo) out of pity. 
. . F/fit, if you wou'd be ciuellypitifiil, Sir, let it be 
.Wipb j^ur SworJ, not G^ld. , [Ewf. 

;-r ,i-~ ,■■ Enter firjf Sailor.; 

;. 'I SaiL We have, with mu^hado, tprn'daway two 
.Centlemen,who rold us forty times over, their Names 
^ere {^Ip- Nbw^ ^^^ Major OUfc:^. ■■ 

Ai^_ Well, to your Port again, [£jc« Sailot.' 

iD^^^.ff^onis.thpf'iiPiip^ie^coupled always together.^ 

. fr«,;0, the Ca3[,q9inijs l^eep ea?h otjjer Company, 
to.^e^y_eachotfier,.«,s N*v'/eaIlsiiiOir,as Oldfut fays, 
Ji^e i|^Q ivtfivesy. to.v^hec one another. 
; 1^1,1 A|i.^ %(flt^F3p?ople5 Tfieai«i.9djplt. :..> 1- i 
u.W V.:. ■ ■^■■\r-, ;,.r:j V....- ,:-.^.. sr^ '^i c^ 1 ;i3rt - 



The Plain-DeaUr. x3 

Etittr feeond Sailer. 
'a Ssil. Here is a Wqaian, an't like your Honotir, 
Icelds and buftles with us, to come in, as much as a . 
Seaman's Widow at the Na'vy-Offict : her Name is Mrs. 
BUeiacre. 
Man. That Fiend too! 

Frie. T^aWiAov/ Blackacrti isicnot? That litigious 
She-pctty-fogger, who is at Law and Difierence with 
all the World ; but I wifli I cou'd make her agree with 
me in the Church : They fay flie has fifteen hundred 
Pounds a Year Joynture, Sknd the Care of her Son, 
that isj the Deftrudion of his Eftate. 

Mtn. Her Lawyers, Atcomies and Solicitors, have 
fifteen hundred Pound a Year, whilft {he is contented 
to be poor, to aiake other People fo j for fhe is as 
Texatious as her Fa^er was, the ^eat Attorney, nay, 
as a Dozen Norfolk Attorneys, and as implacable an 
Adverfary, as a Wife fuing for Alimony, or a Parfoa 
for his Tytbes j and /he loves an Eafier-'Term, or any 
Term, not as othet Country Ladies do, to come up 
to be fine. Cuckold their Husbands, and take their 
Pteafure ; for (be has no Pleafure but in vexing others, 
and is afually cloath'd and daglcd like a Baud in Dif- 
guife, purfu'd through Alleys by Serjeants. When 
flieisin Town, {he lodges in one of the Inns of Chan- 
cery, where Jbe breeds her Son, and is her felf his 
Tutorefs in Law-French ; and for her Country-abode, ' 
tho' (he has no Eftace ihere^ llie chufes Norfilk. Bur, 
bid her come in, with a Pox to her ,- fhe is Olivia's 
Kinfwoman, and may make me amends for her Vilir, 
by fbme Difcourfe of chat dear Woman. [ Exit. Sailor. 

flitter Widoiv Blackacre with a Mamie, tmd a gritn Bag^ 
andftvtral7aftrs,in the ether Havd : Jerry Blackacre, 
litr Sen, in a Gown^ ladtn with green BagSffvliowing her* 
Wid. I never bad fo much to do with a Judge's 

Door-keeper, as with yours ; but—— — 
Man. Hue the incprnparable Olivia, how does fiie 

fince I want ? 

ffU. Sinpe yon went, my Suit — ■ * 

~\ . J^n. 



X4 The FlahtDeaU^ 

Man. Oliviat riay» is ftfl well i 
Wid. My Suit, if you had not retnni'd--*!^— «> 
Man. DamnyourSoit, howdoesyourCouAnO/fv^jF 
}f^.My Sait, Ifay, had been quite Idftj butnow — !• 
Man. But now where is OlivU ? in Tpwn i for — !• 
WtJ. For to M«rrow we are to bavc « Hearing. 
Maw, Wou'd you woa'd let m$ have n Heanng to 
Day. 
^d. But why won't you hear me i 
Man. I am no Judge, and you talk of noclungbat 
Suits ; butj pray cbll me, when did you fee OUvia ? 

Wid. I am no Vifiter, but a Woman of Banners j or 
if I ever Vifit, 'tis only the Cbtncerj4ane Ladies, La- ' 
dies towards the Law; and not any of your lazy^ 
good-fof-nothing Flirts^ who cannot read Law Frencbj 
tbo' a Gallant writ ic Bat, as I was telling yoa, my 

Suit ' 

Man. Damn thefe impertinent, rexatious People of 
Bafinefs, of all Sexes j they are fUll troublii^ the 
World with the tedtoua Recitals of their Law-Suits : 
And one can no more &>p their Mouths, than a Wit's, 
when he talks of btmfelf ; or an Intelligencers, when 
he talks of other People. 

Wid. And a Pox of alt veiatioas impertinent Lo- 
vers j- they are fltU perplexing the World with the 
tedious Narrations of their Love-Suits, and Difcourfes 
of their MiftrelTes : You are as tronblefome to a p^ 
Widow of BufmeG, as a youi^ Coxcombly Rhiming 
Lover. 

Man. And thou art as troublefome to me, as a Rook 
to a loofing Gamefter, or a young patter of Cafes to 
his MtftreK or Sempltrefs, who has Love in her Head 
for another. 

Wid. Nay, fince you talk of putting of Cafes, a!nd 
will not hear me fpeak, hear our j^nr^ a little ; let him 
put our Cafe to yon, for the Tryal's to Morrow ; and 
fince you are my chief Wicnefs, I wou'd have yonc 
Memory refrefh'd, and your Judgment inform' d, that 
you ma]r not g^ve yoar Evidence improperly. Speak 
ent, Clnld. 



The PUin-Veakr, x^ 

Jtr. Yes, fotrootli. Hemh! Hemh! Jtht-g^StiUi— 

Man. You may talk, yoHogLawyer, bat I fliaU no 
more mind you, than a hnngry Judge 4oes a C^iij«, 
after the Clock has (track One. 

Frti. Nay, yoQll find him as peevilh toa 

md. No matwr. Jenyt go on. Do you obferrt 
it then. Sir, for I think I have feefi yon in a Gowa 
once. Lord, I cou'd hear oar Jerry put Cafes all Day 
long. Mark him. Sir. 

Jer. Jolm-0-Stili4 — no— There arefirft,H(ai,P<rt, 
and ^jtw ',-*.«- No, no, Aylt, Fen, and Fitx.; AyU is 
fazed in Fee of BUeJuere i Joba-a-Stiks diifaifes Ajk j 
y<r/r makes Claim, and the Difleifor dies; then the 
Jyk rfio, the FitK^ 

fTuL No, the Perij Sirrah. 

Jer. O, the Pert : E)y, the Ttri^ Sir, and the Hfn— 
no, the Aylei no, the Frrc and the BtZj Sir, and—* 

Mam. Damn Ptre, Mire, and Fitt,, Sir. 

ff^J. No, yoa are out, Child j hear roe. Captain, 
then ; there are j4yU, Pert and Fitx,, AyU is feized in 
Fee of Blackaere j and bdng- fo fei»d, Jobn-a-Stilfit 
diSeifes the Ay^* AyU makes Claim, and the DUTei- 
for dies ; and then the Pert re-enters, the Pen, Sir- 
rah, the Pen [ u Jerry.] and the Fitx. enters upoo 

the Pere, and the AyU brings his Writ of Difleizin, in 
the Pefi } and the Ptre brings his Wdt of Difleizen, 
ja the Pertf and-"- — - 

Mm, Canfl thoa hear thb ftaff, Freemn f I cou'd 
as foon fufier a whole Noife of Flatterers at a great 
Man's Levy in a Morning; bat thoa haft ferrile 
Complacency enough to liuen to a qniblinp; States- 
man in difgrace, n^y, and be beforehand with him, 
in laughing at his dull No Jeft} but I — ~ 

\_Offermgte nvM. 

Wid. Nay, Sir, hold. Where's the Suk-fma, Jerry i 
1 mu& ferre you. Sir. Yoa are requir'd by tms, to 
give your Teftimony— — — 

Mfih rU be forfwctfi^ to be tvreo^i oa thee. 

[ Sk- Mvnly rdrntwy Mi/^y the Sab-poena. 

mi 



i6 The P/ah-Dea/er. 

■ W;ii Get you gone, for a Lawlefs Companion 
Come, Jerry, I had almoft forgot we were to meet 
at the Matters at three : Let tis mind our Bafmeis 
ftUI, Child. 

Jer. I, forfooth, e'en fo let's. 

JV«. Nay, Madam, now, I wou'd beg you to hear 
me a little, a Kttle of my Bofmefs. 

fTiJ. I have Bufmefs of my own calls me away. Sir. 

Free. My Bufinefs wou'd. prove yours too, dear 
Madam. 

md. Yours wou'd be fome fweet Biifinefs, I war- 
rant : What, 'tis no mfimtn^tr-HaB Bufinefs ? Wou'd 
you have my Advice ? 

Free. No, Faith, 'tis a little Wefimlnfier-Akhy Bafi- 
nefs : I wou'd have your Confent. 

Wtd. O fie, fie. Sir, to me fnch Difcourfe, before 
my dear Minor there ! 

Jer. Ay, ay. Mother, he wou'd be taking Livery 

and Seifiti^ of your Joyniure, by digging the Turf j 

but I'll watch your Waters, Bully, i'fac. Come, a- 

way. Mother. - [ Ex. Jerry, hauling away bis Mother. 

Manet VKtmzn : Enter to him Fidetia. 

Fid. Dear Sir^ you have pity j beget but fojne :in 
cur Captain for me. 

Free. Where is he? \ 

FtJ. Within j-fwearing as much as'he did in th^ 
great Storm, and curling yoii, and fometimes finks 
into Calms and Sighs, and talks of hisOlivia. 

Free. He wou'd never truftipe to fee her: Is flic 
handfome ? 

Ftdj No, if you'l! take my' word I but I am not a 
proper Judge. ' 

Free. Whatisflie?' ■ : 

■ Ftd. A Gentlewoman, Ifuppofrf, but of as mean a 
Fortune as Beauty j but her Rdaiiorw" wou'd not ftifr 
fer het'to go with him to the Indies : and his' Averffbri 
to this fide of the World,, together With thehtcOp. 
portumfyofcorrii*i3riding''^li9=^Gbnvby,' wfea'd' not 
let him ftay fiore-Iftdgfer, thcx' *«pfcniby her. 

Free. He loves her mightily then. 

B4. 



tbf Piaiif-Dealfr\ 17 

FtJ. Yes, fo - well, that the ceamoder of hisTFor- 
tune (l hear about dve or rixthoufand Ponces) he'has 
left her, in cafe he had di'd by tbeway^ or before (he 
cou'd^preTaU with her Friends to follow hini] which 
he expet^ed (he fhoa'd do ; ^nd has left betiiod- 
him his great Borom-Friend to be hei Convey to 
him. 

Frte. What Charms has (he for htoij if Ibebenoc 
bandfome ^ ■ 

Fid. H9 fancies h^fj I fuppofe, the onlyWp^vn 
of Truth and Sincerity-in the Vojld.. • - •. 

Frte. No Common Beanty, I cofifefs. 
FiJ. Or elfe fure-.-he wou'd not l)ave trufled her with 
fo great a fliare of his Fortonej in his Abfence ; t 
fuppofe ( fmce his late Lois) all he has. 
Frei. Why, has he left it in her own Cuftody ? . 
FiJ. I am toldfo. ,,; - 

Free. Then he has-lhew'd Lqr^ «>: her indeed^ ia - 
leaving her, like an.old Husba^ -that dies as foonas; 
he has made his Wife a good Jointure 4- but 111 gaia, 
to him, and fpea{t for you, and know more from him. 
of his Olivia. t Exil, ■ 

Manet Fidelia /e/^. '\ y , 

■ Fid. His 0/;a!(tf indeed, his happy O/ifJ* .' . ; ., 
Yet (he was left behind, when I was.with hiin f 
But (he was ne'er out of his Mind or Heart. .. ^ .-,.; 
She has told htm fhelov}dhim j.lh^yeJliew'd,it, .. 
And durft not tell himtfo, till I hadidonc. 
Under this Habic, fucl\ convincing' A^s , ,- 

Of loving Friendftjip for him, tfiat thrqugh it . , .j, ,., 
Ue firft might hnd out both my Sex and Love j ■-;.'..[ 
And, when I'd had him from, his fair O^iwa, ,.:,(,-\i/ 
And this bright World of artful Beaiiti^s here, ■■S....-'. 
Might then have hc^'^i he woii'd,have look'd on OW 
Amtvigft the iboty, 7Wianj J . and.I cou'd _,^. ; 

To(;hoofe, there live his Wife, jwbereWiyqs are ^jR^'d-, 
To live no longer, when their Hiubands die.' ,.-.'3' ^ ., 
Nay, what's vet-woiie,^ to Ihar^'em.whilit t^y lit^ 
With many Rival Wives. But-hert^'he coqies, , .. -. :;' 

■■■■■' ■■■ "--■"■ ■ ^'-Xni 



>d Tbe Plain-Dealer, 

^ii i mti^ yet keep out of his light, not 
To Irtfe it for cTcr. t £v//. 

Emer Manly and Freeman. 

l^tf. Bat pray what ftrange Charms has flie chac 
coa'd make you love ? 

Man. Strang Charms indeed ! She has Beauty e- 
noagh to call in queftion her Wit or Venue, and her 
Form won'd make a ftarr'd Hermit a K.avid]er ; yec 
herVertne and Conduit, won'd prefcnrc her front 
tin fsbtil Lv& of a pamper'd Prelate. She is fo perfe A 
a Beauty, that Art coald not better it, nor AfTedation 
deform it ; yet all this is nothing, her Tongue as well 
ai Face ne^er knew Artifice : nor erer did her Words 
or Looks contradid; her Heart : She Is all Troth, andf 
hates the lying, masking, daubing World, as I do; 
for which I love her, and for which I think fhe dif> 
likes not me : For fhe has often fhut out of her Con- 
verfation for mine, the gaudy fluttering Parrots of the 
Town, Apes and ficcho's of Men only, and refiis'd 
their common Place, Pert, Chat, Flattery and Sub- 
sitfBons, to be entertained with my fullen Bluntnefsj 
and honeft Love. And, laft of all, fwore to me, fmce 
her Parents wou'd not fufifer her to go with me, fhe 
won'd flay behind for no other Man ; but follow me 
without (hdr leave, if not to be obtun'd. Which 
Oath 

Fret. Did yon think fhe woa'd keep ? 

Man. Yes; for fhe is not (I tell you) like other 
Women, but can keep her Promife, tho' flie has fwortl 
to keep it ; but, that fiie might the better keep it, 1 
left her the Value of five or fix thoofand Pounds : For 
Vomens wants are generally the moft importunate 
Solicitors to Love or Marriage. 
' fi-te. And Money fummons Lovers, more than 
Scanty, and augments but their Importunity, and thdr 
Namber ; fo makes it the harder for a Woman to de- 
ny 'em. For my part, I am for the French Maxim, If 
yos wou'd have your Female Subjeds Loyal, keep 
em poor : but) io firart, that your Miftrefs may not 
marry, yoa bive giveii her a Portion. 



The Pl4h$.0eaUr, ip 

AflM. She hui ^ren tee her Heart firftj and I am 
(atisfied with the Secarity; K ean never donbc her 
Troth and Cooftancj, 

Bte. It feems you do, imte you are Sun to bribe it 
with Money* But how come yoa to be fojdiJEdenc 
ol the Man that fsys he loves yoa, and not donbt the 
Woman that lays ic : 

Aian^ lihou'd (Iconie&)doubt the Love of any 
other Woman but her, as I do the Friendfhip of any 
other Man but him I have tnifted ; but I have foa 
Ptoofeof thdr Faith, as cannot deceive me. 
trie. Cannot .' 

Mah Not bat I know, that generally, no Man can 
l>e a great Enemy, but under the Name of Friend f 
and if you are a Cuckold, it is your Friend only that 
makes you fo : for your Enemy is not admitted to 
your Houfe : if you are cheated in your Fortuno^ 
tis your Friend that does ic ; for your Enemy is not 
made your Trofiee ; If your Honour^ or good Name 
be injnr'd, 'tis your Friend that does it £ml, becanle 
your Enemy isnotbellev'd a^inftyon. Thoefiire 
I rather chufs to go where honeft, downright Barba- 
rity is profeft^ where Men devour one another liJce 
fenerons hungry Lions and Tygers, not like Croco- 
iks ; where they think the Devu white, of oar Com- 
pleuon, and I am already fo far an Im^mm : But if 
your weak Faith doubts thu Miracle of a Woman, 
come ^one with me, and believe, and tfaon wilt 
find her fo handfom, that thon, who art ib moeh my 
Friend, wilt have a mind to lie with her, and (o 
will not foil to difcover what her Faith and thine ti 
to me. 

WhtH ve'rt in Ltve, tbeprtat AJvtrfijff 
Our fritmis and A^prtJJet at met ivt try. 
Finis AAbs Ptiml. 



ACT 



10 The PiatM'Deaier. 

ACT n. SCENE I. 

OlivuV Ledghg. 

£sfn- Olivia, Eliza, Lettic& 

Otiv, A H Confi0, what a World 'tis we lire in ! I 
f\_ am fo weary of it. 
Eliz.. Truly, Coufin, I can find no fault with it* 
bat that we cannot always live in't ; for I can nerer 

birweafy of it. '. 

■' pliy: O hideous! you cannot be in eameft fare, 
w^ii ythz fay you like the filthy WoHd. 
' tlix,^. You cannot be in earneft fare, when yoa 
4J(y ybu diflike it. - 

f'/Olki, You are a very cenforious Creature, I find. 
''Pkli!i:i;''t muft confcfsj I think we Women as often 
■'diffidver where we love byrailing, as Men when they 
^ypj'ty, their fwearing j and the World is but a con- 
ftatlt Iceeping Gallant, whom we fail not to quarrel 
■wtth, when any 'thing, croffes qs, yet cannot part 
wikhYfbr our Hearts. 

, ' i^tf.''A Gallant indeed. Madam,' whom Ladies foft 
'm'^id^loiis, afld theh'qaarrel- with it for being fo, 
-fbi" Ifl^y her Ihdifcfeticn, a Lady be talk'd of for' a 
■Minf (Ke critt prefemly,- /rw tf cwjWow fPin-W ; if, by 
liel/'VaKlty] ihie liiirigue'be'foilnd- out, 'fisafrpng 
'lUSir'W' W'or/rfi ifj'.by Jier bver-fohdncfs, the Gaf 
■■Ian£-'pr6ves tincomhnt, 'Ta a falfe ff^ld ; abd if, 
by her ntgardlinefs, the Chambermaid tells, Ttss 
ferfiJicui Worlds but that, I'm furcj, your Ladyfliip 
cannot fay of the World yet, as b^d'as 'lus- 

Oliv. But I may fay^ 'Tis a verj itii}eruncnt World. 
Hold yonr-pieiicil:' Andj Cbufm, if the World be a 
Gallant, 'tis fuch an one as is my Averfion. Fray 
name It no more. 

r '■Mik. Bat is it poflible the World, which has fuch 
variety of Charms for other Women, can have none 

for 



7%e Flam-Deaier] ax 

fbc yoti ? Let's fee — r-firft, what ^yc think of Dref- 
fing m^ iuie Clo'achs ? 

Civ. Drcffing f Fie, fie, 'tis my Averfibh. But^ 
come hither, you dowdy, mithinks yon might havo 
open'd this Toure b^tt^r : O hideous ! I cannot fufier 
if.' D'ye fee how't fits ? , 

Elix.. Well enough, Coufin, if Df^ffing be your 
Averfibn. ,.,.-,, 

Olhi. *Tis fo : and for variety of rich aoaihs, they 
are more tny Averfioh. 

Let. Ay, 'tis becaufe your Ladyftiip wears 'em tpb 
long ; for indeed a down, like a Gallant, grbws one's 
Averfion, by having too mticfi of ir. 

Oliv. Infatiable Creature! Ill be fworn t have ha4 
this not above thr^c Days, Coufin, and Vvichin tlUi 
Month have made (bme fix mor^. 

£/i%. Then your Averfion %6 'em is notaUogetlierfb 

great- , . . ■ , 

Ol$v. AUs ! vi for My Wbi&aia oAIy I «reac *edi^ 
Coufin. 

Ur. If it be for me only, It^dam, pray do not 
wear *em. • 

Elix.. But what d'ye think 6f Vlfiti— ^BAllS-^ — 

Oliv. O, I deleft W. 

mix.. Of Plays. 

Ol'tv. I abominate 'eth : Filthy, bbfcene, hide6tiif 
things. 

mx^ What fay you to Mafnmd^ng iil ^he Winter> 
and Hide-Tark in the Summer t 

dliv. Infipid Pleafures I tafte not. 

Eliz.. Nay, if yon are for more folid Pleafnrei^ 
what think you of a rich young Husband ? 

OHv. O hofrid ! Marriage I What a Plcafore yoa 
have found out ! I naufeate ic of all thin^. 

Llttf Bat what does your Ladyfhip think thed of i 
liberal, handfoiri young Lover ? 

oiiv. A handfom, young Fellow, you Impudent! 
fie gone, out of my fight j name a handfom young 
Felktwtoitie! Foh> A hideous handfom yoang Fel- 
low I aboftdftaitc. C^^*- 



t^ Jht TlatH'Jjealer. 

Eluu Indeed! J>iK let's fee— will nbtUog pleaW 
you? What d'ye think of the Court? '. 

OUv. flow i the Cqort ! the Coure, CooHn ! my' 
Ave^doii^ Itiy ATerlioiii .niy Arerflon of all Arer-> 
fioijs. ■ .' , , 

Eliz. How? the Court'! where— —^" 

Olfv, .Where Sincerity is a Qoality as ont of Fafhf-' 
on, snd as unprofpeioDs, as Balhfulnefs ; I cou'd noc 
lapgh 9t a Quibble, tho' it were a fat Privy Counfel- 
lor's ; nor praife a Lord's ill Verfes, tho' I were my 
felf theSubjei^j nor an old lady's young; Looks, tho* 
j were her Woman ; nor fit to a vain young SmiU- 
maker y tho' he flatter'd me j in fhort, I cou'd not glote 
vpon 9 Mv\ whvn he comes into a Room, and laugh 
at bint when he goes out j I cannot rail at the abfent, 
to flatter the ft.ahders by, I — — — 

ZUx^ W^, but railing now is fo common, that 'tis 

no more Malice, but the Falhion, and the abfenc 

V think they are.no n\ore. th? worfe for being rail'd at, 

than the prefent chink they're the better fOr being f^t- 

ter'd : Apd fqr the Court -r ~ j 

Oliv. Nay, do not defend the Cour^ for you'U 
make in9 r»l at it, IMie a (pftlng Citizen s Widow. 

Elix.. Or like a /To/ioarn-Lady, who cou'd not get 
in to the laft Ball, or was ont of Countenance in the 
^raw^Og-room the ]s& Sunday of her appearance 
there ,- lor none rail at the <iourt, but thofe who can- 
lot g^ ioeo it. or elfe who are ri^culous when they 
are there j and I fhall fufpe^ you were laugh'd ac 
when you were laft there, or wou'd be a Maid of 
Hanqur- 

oliv. I A Maid of I^ociour! To be a Maid of Ho- 
ijitwr w^ y« of all. things my Averfion. 

Eiix^ln vvhat Seqfe am I tau.nderfta[id you ? But, 
W fine;, fe'.'the liVoc^J Av^rfion, I'm fore yQudiflfcin- 
ble,- for I never knew 'Womari y.ec'us'd it, who did 
aot. Qone^ our Ton|;iies bely our Hearts, more 
than our Po(;liec<-g,Wes d^ our Face^^ ^^^ metbinla 
we oiJght let leave (?ff diffepibling, fipce 'tip grown 
of ^ ule to us j for atr ^ife Obfetv^s. uA^^rftaiid at 

now 



The PUin-Deaier. ij 

havt a-days, as they do Dreams, Almadacks, and 
Ditfei Gtniettesf by the contrary : And « Man no more 
bdieres a Woman, when fh« fays 0ic has an Aver- 
fioD ibr him^ than when fhe fays Ihe'll cry out. 

Oiiv. O filthy, hideous! Peace, Coufm, or ypar 
Zliicoiirfe will be my AverJlon ; and yoa may beliere 
me. . 

&iz. Yes i for, if any thiog be a 'Woman's Atcf* 
fion, 'tis VUia-Dealiag from acpther Woman : and per- 
haps that's your Qaarrel to the World, for that wilt 
talk, as yoQi Woman fays. 

Oliv. Talk not of me fure j for what Men do I CQn-; 
vexie witfa ? what Vifits do I admit ? 
Enttr Boy. 

St}. Here's the Gendeman to wait upon yoQ, Ma- 
dam. 

Olh. On me! you little unthinking Fop, d'ye 
kopw whgt yoQ tay ? 

A17. Y^, M3^9ia, 'tis ^^ Geatteman that comes 
CTery Pay to yo^i, >vhow ■ i-t*- 

oliv. Hold y(>ar peace, you heedlefs little Animal,' 
and get you gone. Thi» Cpuntry-Boy, Goafm, takes 
my Dandng-M^^r, Taylor, or the fpruce MiUiner, 
for Vifiters. [_Exit Bey, 

Lit. No, ^,(adam, 'tis Mr. Wwj, tin fure, by iur 
talking fo Iwd : I.kpov his y<9dce tQp, Madam. 

O/py. You know np?lj^nfi» you tuffle-headcd, flu- 
pid Creature you j you woU'd make my Coufin bcn 
lieve il receive V^ifit^ : Sfi^ if it. be Jjtir-— '-"What did 
yoa call him ? , i 

.i«(. Mr. N*w/, 64^49^, hefhat hi '■ — • , . 

0/*w. Hold your ipeaCf^ -J'lljjear 110 more of him/ 
feut if it be your Mr.— f I cannot chink of his Nami* 
again ) I fnppofe he hgs .iollow,'d ray Coufin hither. 

&iz^ No, Coufin, I iwiU ijot rob yoa of the Ho- 
lioMr of the Vilic :. '^\s tp ypp, Coufin, for I know 
him pot. 

Okv. Nor did I ever hear of -him before, upon xt\^ 

Honour, Coufin j befides^ ban't I cold yoa, that Vi- 

ks, and the Bufinef} of Vifus, Flattery a^d piSfraf 

C z <5aonf 



14 The Plain-Detikf. 

^oinj'are niy Averfion ? D'ye think thenlivbtiM" 
admit fuch a Coxcomb as he is ? who, rather than 
not rail, will rail at the Dead; whom none fpeak ill 
of ,- and rather than not flatter, will flitter the Poets 
of the Age, whom none will flatter; who affeds No- 
velty as much as the Fafhion ; and is as fantaftical as 
changeable, and as well known as the Fafhion ; who 
Hkes nothing but what is new ; nay, wou'd chufe to 
have his Friend, or his Title a new one. In fine, he 
is my Averfion. 

Eliz,. I find, you do know him, Coufin; at leail, 
have heard of Bm. 

Oliv, Yes, now I remember, I have heard of him. 

Eliz.. Well ; but fince he is fuch a Coxcomb, for 
Heaven's fake, let him not come up j tell him,- Mrs. 
Lttticif your Ladyis not within. 

jO/(V.' No, Ltttkt, tell him, my Confin is here, and 
that he may come, up ; for notwithftanding Ideteft 
the fight of him, you may like his Converfation, and 
tho' I wou'd ufe him fcurvity, I will not be rude to 
you, in my own Lodging ; fince he has foUow'd you 
hither, let him come up, i fay. 

Eliz,. Very fine! Pray let him go to the Devil, I 
fay, for me : I know him noCj, nor defve it. Send 
him away, Mrs.Lerrw. 

Oliv. IJpon my Word, Ae Ihan't : I muft difobey 
your Commands, to comply with your Defires. Call 
him up, Lettice. 

Elk.. Nay, 111 fwcar flie fhall not ftir on that Er- 
rand, f Holds Lettice. 

Oliv. Well then, I'll call him my felffor you, fince 
you will have ic fo. Mr. Kivf/, [^CaUimtettbeVoer.'} 
Sir, Sir. 

Enter Novel. 

Niv. Madam, I beg your Pardon, perhaps you were 
bufie: I did not think you had Company with you. 

Eliz. Yet He comes to me, Coufiij I £ Jfiit. 

Oliv. Chairs there. \_7^fit. 

Nov. Well ; but. Madam, d'ye know whence I 
come now i 

Oliv. 



the ThhfDealer. i^ 

. O/w. From .fome melanchoUy Place, I warrant, 
^, Jince they have loft your good Compaay. 

Eliz^ So. 

Nev. From a Place, where they hate treated me, 
at Dinner, with fo much Civility and Kindnefs, a 
Pox on *em, that I con'd hardly getaway to you, 
dear Madam. 

OWv. You have a way with you fo new, and oblig-. 
iog. Sir. 

£/;?,. Yon hate Flauery, Coulin. \A^ to Olivia. 

Nov. Nay, Faith, Madam, d'ye think my way 
new? then you are obliging, Mai^m. I mufl con- 
f^fs, I hate Imication, to do any thing like other Peo- 
ple : All that l^aow nje^ do me the Honour to fay, I 
am an Original, Faith ; but as I was faying, Ma> 
dam, 1 have been treated to Day, with all the Cere- 
mony and Kin^neis imaginable, at my Lady Amumj : 
but the naufeous old Woman at the upper end oi 
her Table ■ 

Oliv, Revives the old Grecian Cullom, of ferving in 
a Death's Head with their Banquets. 

Nov. Hah I ha I 6ne, juft i faith j nay, and new ^ 
Tis like eating with the Ghofi in the libertine ; Ihe 
wou'd frighten a Man from her Dinner with her hol- 
low Invitations, and fpoil one's Stomach — 

. OUv. To Meat or Women. I deteft her hollow 
cherry Cheeks ; {he looks like an old Coach new 
painted : afiedmg an anfeemly Smugnefs, whilft ihe 
u ready to drop in pieces. 

Eia^ You hate Detradion, I fee, Coufin. 

r Apart to Olivia. 

Nov. But the filly old Fury, whilft Jhe affefts to 
look like a Woman of this Age, talks 

bliv. Like one of the laft ,- and as paffionately as 
an old~Courtier, who has out liv'd his Otiice. 

Nov. Yes, Madam j but pray let me give you , her 
CfaaraAer. Then Ihe never counts her Age by the 
Yean, bat 

OUv. By the Mafques ihe has Uv'd to fee. 

Nov. Nay then. Madam, I fee you think a little 
C J Harm- 



iS - ne Tlain-IHiltr. 

harmkfs railing tot. great j Pleafure for any b« your 
felf, and therefOMl'Te done. „ . / . 

6uv. Nay, faith, you (hall tell me who you ha^ 
there at Dinner. ',, j 

■ tTin/. If you woi'd hear me, Ma«am. 
• oUv. Moft patiently : fpeakj-Sir. . 
Ntv. Then, we had her Daughter—— 
oti-a. Ay, her Daughter, the v«fydilgrac« to gooS 
Cloaths, which Ihe always wears, but to heighten her 
dEfdrmity, not mend it ; for Art is ffill moft fplen- 
didly, gallantly ugly, and looks lik« an Ul pi»ce of 
asuhing in a rich Frame. ,, , » 

Nev. So! But have yon done with her. Madam t 
ini can you fpare her to me a Ifttli now I 

oiiv. Ay, ay, Sh-. • ' 

Nm. Then, He is like ' ' 

0/if . She is, you'd fay, like a City Bride,-the gtix-^ 

ter Fottunej But (tot the greater Beauty, for her Drefi. 

Nov. Well : yet have you done. Madam ? Thei? 

fts , > ,_ 

Oliv. Then (he beftows .as niifortunately on her 
face, all the Graces ih fafliion , as the langnilhing 
fcye, the hanging or pouting Lip j but as the Fool is 
never mote provokiiJg khan When he aims at Wit, the 
ill-favour'd of our Sex are never more naufeom than 
when they wnu'd be Beauties, adding to their natural 
peformity, the artWcirfl UgUnefs of Afeaation. 

E/ic. So, Couiin, I find one may have a Colleaion 
of all ones Acquaintances Piftures as well at your 
Houfe^ as at Mt.ityS; only the diiference is , there 
■We fitid 'em imjch handfomer than they are, and like; 
flere, much uglier, and like : and you are the firft of 
the ProfelEon of ^aurtdrawing I e»«r knew W5th« 
out Flattery. 

Oliv. 1 draw afttr the lift ; do no Body wtoiij; 
Ctofih. 
£&. No, you hate Flattery and Detraflion ! 
oliv. But Mr. »■»<;, who had you betides at Dinner^ 
l^ey. Nay, the Devil take me if I tell- yon , solefs 
ysu *in allow me tW: Privilege of taiUngjn my turn ; 



The Tta'tifDealer, xj 

but^ BOW I think on'c, the Women ought to be yons 
ProTiace^ as the Men are mtoe :, and yoK mu(l know 
we had him whom— 

Oiiv. Him, whom— — 

Nei/'. ^hatj invading me already ? And giving thQ 
piaxaOer, before yoi; know-the Man ? 

•£^3;. yiOf that is not fair, tho' it be ufual. 

Oliv. 'X beg your Pardon, Mr. Neveli pray go wi, 

Npv. Then, I f^y^wc had that familiar Cp^comb^ 
yrko is ac Home wherefoe'rie he cohiet. 

OJiv. Ajr, th^t Fool< 

Nov. Nay, then Madam yonr Servant: I'li} gone. 
Taking the Fool out of ones Month, is worfe than 
taking the Bread out of ones Mouth. 

OUv. I've done, your Pardon j Mr. JfiWe/^ pray 
proceed. '. - ■; 

Nov. I fay, ike Rogney tha( he may be i^he only 
Vit in Company, will let no,£ody elfe talk, and — • 

Oliv. Ay , thofe Fops who. love , to talk all thamt 
felvesj are of all things my Averlion. , . . 

Nov. Then you'll let me fpea^, Madam, fan!,. The 
Rogue, liay, will force hisjeft uppnyoa; and I hate 
a Jeft that's forc'd upon a Map, as much asaGlaf^ 

£/i«. Why, I hope^ Sir, he does not expe*^ ^ V>tt 
ofyonr temperance in Jefting (hou'd do him re^jbja i 

hfev. What ? interruption from this fide to? i I 
moil then — tOffen to rift, OKvia bbUt him. 

oliv. No, Sir,-T-^ou mnft know,Courm,thac Fpp 
he means, tho' he talks only to be co^nmendedj wiU 
not give you teave to do't. 

Nov. But, Madam— r 

Oliv. He a Wit I Hang tnm, he*s only an Adoptej 
of ftragling Jefls, and fathcrlets Lampoons j by the 
Credit of which, he eats at good Tables, and fo like 
the barren Beggar- woman,lives by borrow'd Children. 

Nov. Madam— 7 

Oliv. And nevec was^ Author of any thing bat his 
News ; but that i? ilill all his own. , .. 

Nov. Madanij pray— 7- 

C4 ^ '0/k 



a8 The Flam Dealer. 

' '0Uv..kn eternal Babler; and makes iio more nfet 
orhis^ars, than a Man that (its at a Play liy his Mi- 
ftrefs, or in Fop-corrier ; He's, in fine, a bafe detra- 
dtng Fellow, and b ray Averfion. But who elfe 
prithee, Mr. Noxiel, wa? there with you ? Nay, you 
fljan!t ftir. 

Nov. I Jjeg your pardon, Madam, I pannot flay in 
any place, where I'm not allow'd a little phrinidn 
liberty of Railing. 

OUv. Nay, prithee Mr. Now/, flay j and tho' you 
fliou'd rait at me , 1 wou'd hear yon with Patience ; 
prithee who elfe was there with yoa ? 
' Nov. Y out Servaht, Madam. 

Oliv. Nay, prithee tell us, Mr. Novel, prithee do. 

Nov. We had no Body elfe. 

OUv.' Nay, faith I know you had. Come, my Lor4 
Tlattjihle was there top,- who is Coufin, a — ^- 
' K/i::. You need not tell me what he is, Coultn, foe 
I know him to be a civil , good-natur'd, harmlefi 
Gentleman, that fpeaks well of all tlje World, and is 
always in good Humour, and-^— 
' Oliv. Hold, Coufin, hold, I hate detraftion ; but 
I mull tell you, Coufin, his Civility, is Cowardife ^ 
his good Nature, want of Wit j and h^ neitt^erCoB- 
fa'gft or Senfe to rail : And for his'being always in 
Humour, 'tis becaufe he is never difTatisfied with 
tiimfelf'. Inline, he is my Averfion, and I never ad- 
mit Hi Vifits beyond my Hall. 
' Nov. No, he vilit you ! Damn him, cringing, grin- 
ning Rogue j if flhou'd fee him coming op to you, I 
wou'd make bold to kick him down ag^in. H4 !— 7 

Ent^r tpy Lord Plaufible. 
My dear Lord, your jnoft hurrible Servant. 

" [lU/w, and falutts 'Ph.liiihXCj and iijfes him. 

Elix,. So , r find kiffing and railing fucceed each 
other with the angry Men, as well as with t^e angry 
Women j and their Quarrels are like Lpve- quarrels, 
lihce abfencle is the only caufe of them ; for as foon 
as the Man appears agaui, they ate over. iJJidi. 



^ TUuf. Yonr fftoQ. feitbfnl, hsmble Serr^nt, ge- 
oerous Mr. Nove/j and Madam,. I am your eternal' 
Slave, and kifs yoar /^ir Hands j. which I h^d dpne 
fboner, ' according to your Commands, but-;— x- - 

Oliv. No ExcuTes, my Lord. 

iMz.. What, yo^fent for hiip tben, Confin? \_^AfaTt'. 

Nov. Ha ! invited I {.-^JiJt. 

Oliv. I know you muft divide your felf> forypur- 
good Company is too general a gppd tp be ingjxii&'d 
by any particular Friend- 

L. VUttf. O Lord, Madam, my Cpmpany ! ypop 
moft obliged, faithful, bumble Servant ; bat I cou'd 
have brought you good Company indeed, fpr 1 part- 
ed at your Door wich two of the worthieft, braveft 
KJen 

Oliv. Who were they, my Lord ? 

Nov. Who do you call the worthieft, braveft Men^ 
pray ? 

L. Plauf. O the wifeft, braveft Gentlemen ! Men 
Qf fnch Honour and Vertue !',of fuch good .Qua-: 
lities ! ah 

Eiix,. This is a Coxcomb that fpeaksill of 'alt Peo- 
ple a different Way, and Dbels every Body with dull 
Praife, and commonly in the wrong Place, fom^ker 
his Panegyricks abufive Lampoons. '{^AJidt.^ 

Oliv. But pray let me know who they were ? 

L. PUmf. Ah ■' fnch Patterns of Heroick Vertue ! 
f,ch^ 

Nov. Well, but who the Devil were they ? . . . , 

L. TUuf. The Honour of our Nation, the Gloiy 
of our Age ! ah, I cou'd dwell a Twelvemomh on* 
their praife ; which indeed 1 might fpue by telling 
their Names : Sir John CHrrtnty and Sir Richard Cemt- 
TuU. 

Nov. Ceitrt-TttU ! Ha, ha. 

OUv. And Sir John Current ! Why will you keep 
fach a Wietch Company, my Lqrd ? 

^ L. TUmf. O, Madam, ferioufiy you are a little too 
ievere j for he i$ a Man of unqac^on'd Reputatioa 
in cveiy thing, 

' Oliv. 



OUv. Yes, becaolfe he endeavours oflly with the 
Women, to pafi for a Man of Courage j and with the 
"BaWits for a Wi^ •' with the Whs for a Man of Bufi- 
nefs j' and with the Men of Bnlinefs, for a Favourite 
ttt Court : and at Court, for gcJbd City-fecurity, 

Ntm. And for* Sir Kichardt he-r-^ 

■ L.?iauf. He loves your choice,' plck'd Company i 
P&rfoiis that — -' 

Oliv. He I6Ves a'Lord indeed ; bat '> 

Nov. Pray, dear Madam, let me hare but a bold 
llroke or two at hu Pidare. He loves a Lord, as. 
yott fey, tho'— 

Oliv. Tho* he borrow'd Hi Money, and ne*er paid 
him again. ■•'-■■ 

Nov. And wou'd befpeak a Place three Days be-^ 
fore at the back-end of a Lord's Coach to Hidt-ParL 

L. Tlauf. Nay, i'faidi, i'feith , you are both too. 
fevere.. 

oiiv. Then, to ihew yet more his'l^flion for Qua- 
lify, he makes lore to that fulfbme Coach-load of 
Honour, my Lady. Goodly j for h^'s always at her 
(Lodging. 

L. ?lauf. Becanfe it is the Conventicle-Gallant,, the 
Meecing-hoiife of all the fair Ladles, and glorious, 
fuperfine Beauties of the Town. . 

Ww.' Very fine" ladles ! there's' firft- — 

■ O/iV.'Her Honour, as fat as ^n Ifloftefs. 

L. Plattf. She is fomething plump indeed, a goodly," 
comely,- "gtacefiitPerfbh. ■ 

' ^ev. Then thfife^s hi Lady Francet. what d'ye cidl 
Hef?^ugly^,'" '■■■-:■"' ■; 

'Oliv.. As a 'Ciri^&iis (awfully begotten feaughtef. 
' Z. Plauf. She^as W^t in abundance ; and the hand- 
fomeft Heel, Elbow, and tip of an Ear, you ever faw. 
Noxf. Heel and Elbpw ! ha ! ha I And there's my 
laSy Betfy you krrow-p- — 

Oliv. As (luttift and flatteftily, 'as^an M^ Woman" 
bred in p^anee. ' ' ^ 

*' X. VUuf. 'Ah! aH fte has hangs wUh a loofc Air in-^ 
clecd^ and becoming negligence. 



The Plain-Dealer. ^I 

Elfib Von fte alt Fuiks with Lovers Eyes, t Sad, 
my Lord. 

L. Plauf. Ah, Madam, ycmt nu^ obliged, ^ithftii; 
faonUe Senrant to comtftand ! Bat yoa can (ay no* 
tteng fwe agakift the fupcilTtie N^refs — ^. 

oSv. I know who you mean. She is as«en(brioqt 
gnd detraSing a Jade, as a fuperannuated Sinner. 

L. Vltuf. She has a fmart Way of Railery, 'tis confeft 

.Npv. And ^a fot Mrs. GriitHiK. 

L. 7lauf. She I* fure is 

O/Jv. One tfaac never fpoi[e SI of any Body, 't!s 
oonfeft ; for ibs is ais filent in Coitrerfbtion as a Got»t< 
try 'lover, and no better Company than a Clock, 'Or 
a Westhet-glafs ,* for if fte founds, 'tis but once ati 
HoRr,ce put ytoa Sa mind ^ the titne of Day,<ii'td,telt 
yoa 'twin be Cold or Hoc, Rain of Snow. " 

Z. P'<i<^ Ah, poorC«atur9 ! Ae'^ e^treanly goM 
^dmodeft. 

ittv. And ftjT Mrs; BriJkchiii, ffi«'*— — *■ ' 

Ofiv. As proud at a Cbnrchman's Wife. '' !' " 

L.Tlauf. She's i Woman of great Spirit and Honour,' 
an^will not make herfdlf €htap, *tii trae. 

Uov. Then Mrs. HcyJen, that calls all People try theft 
^niaines, and is— - 

0/iv. As^Mtuliar a Duck— ' 

Nov. As an ^ Aftrefs in the Tyi4tig room. -'TFfwttt 
I was once bef^tf'hand with you. Madam* > ' ^ 

L. TUt^. Mrs. Htirden ! a prof j afiable, good^niatar'cl 
Soul: But the Divine 'Mti.Tri'fie comes thirtwr too ; 
fure her Btta'Bty, Venue^ and Condaft, you can fay 
nothing to. 

Oliv. No ! ■ 

Nw. No! — ^Pray let me fpeak,- Madam: . 

O/iv^Firfl, can any one be call'd Beautiful that 
^dnts 7 ■ 

L. TUuf. Her Eves langailh a little, I own. 

Kdv. Languifh \ ha, ha. 

Qiliv. Langaifli.' Then, for her Condod, ibetf» 
feeti at the Ctknhy^Wft after che firft Day. There'* 
for von, my Lord. 



p Tht Vhiti'VeaUr, 

L.'Flaaf. Boc, Madaffl, Ifae w^snotfeen tottreher- 
Fan all the Play long, turn alide her Headj or by sft 
^nicious'blufh difcover more guile than modefty. 

Oliv, Very fine ! then you tnink a Woman moijeft^ 
that fees the hideons Gnuntry-ffife, without blufiung^ 
pr publifhiog her peteftation of it ? D'ye he^i him ^ 
Coufm ? 

EliTi. Yes ; and am> I mufi CQnfefs> fomething of 
his Opinion, and ^bink tbat asfan over-cpnfdpus Fool 
at a Play, by endeavouring to^ fbew ihQ Author's 
want pf Vit-expofp; his own to- mor^ Gei^nre : Co 
xnsy.a Lady call. her own Modefty in.queftion, by 
pvbU^ly cavilling with the Poets ; for all thofe grt^ 
maces.of Hononr and Artificial Modefty, difparage a 
Wb^ian's real Vertue, as much as tbe. Ufe of w^ite 
and red does the natural Complexion ; and you mufl 
Die veiy, very Iittl^,Jf you. wpa'd b^ye it thought' 
your own. 

Oliv. Then youwou'd hare a Woman of Honour 
with pallivQ Looks, Ears and Tongue, undergo all the 
^eous.Obfcenity fliei hears at n^y Plays. 

Eli^i. Truly I thipk a Woman betrays her wane of 
•^pdeJly, by fliewing it pnblickly in a Play-Houfc^ as 
much as a Man does his want of Courage by a Quar- 
rel there ; for the truly Modeft aqd Stcut fay l^aft, 
^nd are lealt exceptions, efpeclally in. Publick- 

Oliv. Q hideous '■ Cpu^^ this cannot be your Opi* 
Tttfmi but ypu are one of thofe who have the confi- 
dence to pardon the filthy Play. 

Eliz^ Why, what is there of ill in't, fay you? 

Oliv. O fie, fie, fie, wou'd you put me to the Blulh 
anew ? call all the Blood into my Face again ? But, to 
fatisfie you then,, firll the clandeiline oblcenity4n the 
yery Name of Herner. , 

££2;. Truly, 'tis fo hidden, I cannot find it OQQ 
I confels. 

Oliv. O horrid ! does it not give you the rank 
Conception, or Im^ge of a Goar, or Town- Bull, > or 
» Satyr ? nay, what is yet a. filthier Image th^a .9$ 
the reft, that of an Eumicb i 

EUx^ What 



Tbt PlaiH'Deaiefl jj 

'Eliz. Whae then ? I can think of a 6oai, d Ballj oc 
3 Satyr, without any hurt. 

OHv. I, but CouHn, ooe-ctflnot fiop therd. 

Elix^ I can, Coufin. 

Oliv. O »o ; for when you have thofe filthy Crea- 
tures in yoar Head once, the next -thing yon think, is 
whit they do j as their defiling of honen Mens Bedt' 
and CouchesjRapffs upon fleeping and wakinig Conn- 
try-Vii^tns, under Hedges and on Haycocks : nay, 
farther 

Eliz^ Nay> no farther , Confln , we have enough 
of your Comment on the Play, which will make me 
more afliam'd than the Play it felf. ' 

0/iv. O, believe me, 'tis a filthy Play, and yon 
may take my word for a. filthy Play, as loon as ano- 
then ; but the filthieft thing in that Play^ or any o- 
therPlay, is , 

Elk^ Pray keep it to your felf, if it be fo. 

Ofiv, No, feith, you flialt know it, I'm relbh'd to 
make yon out of love with the Play, I fay, the lewd- 
efl, filthieft thing, is his Chh* ; nay, I will never 
foi^c the beafliy Author his China : he has quite ta- 
ken away the Reputation of poor China it felf, and 
fally'd the moft innocent and pretty Furniture of a 
Ladies Chamber,- infomuch, that I was fain to break 
alt my defil'd VelTels. Yon fee I have none left ; nor 
yon, I hope. 

£/(£. You'll pardon me, I cannot think dt« worfe 
of my China for that of the Play-Houfe. 

Oliv. Why, you will not keep any now fure! 'tit 
now as unfit an Ornament for a Ladies Chamber, as 
the Piftures that come from ItaJji , and other hoe 
Countries, as appears by their nuditieE,which I always 
cover, or fcratch out, wberefoe're 1 find 'em. But 
Clma ! out upon't , filthy China 1 nafty , debauch'd 
China ! 

Elit^ All this will not put me oat of conceit with 
China, nor the Play, which is aaed to Day, or ano" 
ther of the fame beafliy Autbon, as you call Hw, 
which I'Jl golise. 



j4 'Be ttam-Dtaier. 

OUu. Voa will HOC fore .' tayj J'on Aa' not vemaref 
your Reputation W going, and mine by leaving m^ 
alone with two %un heie : ti^y, you'll difoblige sne 
for ererj if — '■ ' \VuSt her lacks 

Elinf,. I ftty — --yettr Servant. [JSxit Eliza. 

diiv. Well— but, tay Lord, though you ^ofiifie ere— 
ry Body, yon (cannot in e^rneft uphold fo beaftly s 
Writer, whf^e Ink is fo fmufty, as one may fay. 

L. ?Unf. F^th, J dare fwear the poor Man did not 
think to difoblige the Ladies, by any anuuoos', &fr, 
palBonitfe, lufdous Saying in Us Play. 

OUv. Foy, my Lord j hnt what think yon, Mr. jN#- 
velf of the Flay ? tho' I know you are a Friend to 
aU that are new. 

Nov. Faith, Madam, I mnil confefsjitbe new Plays 
wou'd not be the worle for my Advice, but. I cou i| 
nerer get the Jilly Rogues^ the Poets, to mind what 
I fay ; but I'll tell yon what Coonfel J gave nhe fuily 
tooi you fpake pf. 

OUv. What was't ? * : 

Nov. Faith, to put his Play into Rhyme ; forR.hyiT»^, 
yon know, often makes royftical NouTence pafs with: 
the Criticks for Wit, and a double meaning fayiiig 
with il»« ladies, for foft, tender, and moving Paffion. 
But now I talk of P^iSt^i^ I faw your o^i Lover thi* 
Momiog — -Captain iH^ifffru 

SfiHr. Captain Manly, Ffe«tfSTO a9i Fidelia' 
JlanJittg kfhiaJ, 

oHv. Whom? -^By, you wad not whifper. 

Man. We ate luckily got hither unobierv'd:— Howl 
in a clo& ConverFation with thefe f^p^e B.afi»l$, ^ 
out-caits of SempftreHes Shops. 

Free. Faith, pardon her. Captain , that fine* fte 
cou'd no longer be entertun'd ,witt> yQHr miioly 
BluntneQ, and honeit Love, Hie takes up with tH 
fen chat and common i^ce flattery of tbefe fljit- 
t«iiog Parrots of the Town, A^ gsd Ecchp's of 
M«ii only. 

Man, Do not you^ Sir, play the Bocfap too, nippfe 

me, 



IMttatn-Deauf. 



;y 



ine, iafly with my own Words, and lliew your felf 

as'imperaoent as they are, 

Fnt-H^y, Gaptaia ; 

Til Nay, Lieatenanc, do fiot Axcnfe her, metblob 
fteJooks very kindly upon 'em both* and leems to be 
pleas'd with what that Fool there fays to her. 

Man. You lye. Sir, and hold your peace, that I 
may not be provok'd to give you a worfe repW. 

Olfv. Manly retnrn'd, d'ye lay ! And is he iafe ? 

Nov. My lord faw him too. Hark yon, my Lor£ 
[fFbiffert tt Plaufible. 

"Man. She yet feems concern'd for my fafety, and 
perliaps they are admitted now here but for theic 
News of me j for Intelligence indeed is the commoo 
Pafsport of naufeons Fools, when they go their round 
of good Tables and Houfes. {jifide. 

Oliv. I heard of his fighting only, without parti- 
culars, and confefs I always lov'd his brutal Courage, 
becaufe it made me hope it might rid me of his more 
brutal Love. 

Man. What's that ? ^JparU 

Oliv. But is he at lad return'd, d'ye (»y, unhurt ? 

Nev. Ay, faith, without doing his bufinefs, for the 
Rogue has been thefe two Years pretending to a 
wooden Leg, which he woo'd take from Fonune, as 
kindly as the Staff of a Marflial <^ France, and rather 
read his Name in a Gazet 

Oliv. Than in the Entail of a good Eflate. 

Man. So !- — — ■ iJ/iJe: 

Nov. I have an Ambition, I mnft confefs, of lofine 
my Heart before fuch a fair. Enemy as your fel^ 
,Madam, but that filly Rogues ihou'd be ambitious of 
lofing their Arms, and 

Oliv. Looking tike a pair of CompalTes. 

Nev. But be has no ufe of his Arms, but tofet 'em 
onKimbow, for he never pulls off* his Hat, at leait^ 
not to me , I'm fare ; for you muft know, Madani, 
he has a fanatical hatred to good Company : he can't 
abide me. 

L. Flauf. O, be not fo fevere to him, as to fey hie 

hates 



'^6 The PUiihbealer: 

hafes gobd Company : for I altiire you, fi6 has a grea^ 

refpet^, efteetn and kindnefs for me. , 

Mam. That kind, civil Rogue has fboken yec ten 
thoofand times worfe of me, than t'other. 

Oliv. Wellj.if he beteturn'd, Mt. Novel, thenfliall 
I be pcfler'd again with hisboiflerous Sea-Lovej har^- 
Iny Alcove fmell like a Cabin, Iny Chamber perfQm'd 
whb his Tarpanlin Brandenbargh, and hear Vollies 
«f Brandy Sigbs,eDough to make a Fog in ones Rooni. 
Foh, I hate a Lover that finells like "names- firee't. 

Man, I can bear no longer, and need hear no 
more. {_AfiJe, 

But,(inceyoil hare theretwoPulvilIioBoxes,thefe£f- 
fence Bottles, this pair of Mosk-C^ here, I hope I 
may venture to comd yet nearer you. 

Oliv. Over-heard as then .' 

Uev. I hope he heard me not. {_^JiJe. 

L. VUuf. Mofl Koble and Heroick Captain, yoar 
nofl oblig'd, faithful, humble Servant. 

Nov. Dear Tar, thy humble Serrant. 
■ Man. hvizy Madam ■ 

Oliv. Nay, I think I have htted you for liftning. 

[^brufit Novel and Flauflble M eaebjU*. 

Man, You have Etted irie, for believing you cou'd 
sot be fickle, tho' you were Young^ con d not dif- 
fembte Love, tho' 'twas yoiir Interen ; nor be vain, 
tho' you were Handfome j ndr breali your Promife, 
<ho' co,a parting Lover j nor abufe your befl Friend i 
Iho' you had Wit : but I take not your contempt of 
me worfe, than your efteeni, or civility for tKefs 
(lungs here, tho' you know 'eni. 

¥iov. Things ! 

h. Tlauf. Let the Captain railly a little; 

Man. Yes, things ; canft thou be angry,thou thfiig? 
[Coming up to NoTCl. 

Nov. No, fince my Lord fays you fpeak in Raille- 
xy ; for tho' your Sea-raiUery be fomething rough, 
ycE I cofifefs, we ufe one another to as bad every 
Day at l^fcket't^ and never quarrel for the Matter. 



The plain- Dealifl ■^? 

L. Tlanf. Nay, n&blc Captain, be not angry with 
him i A word with yon, 1 befeech you — '-^-^ 

Iff biff trs to Manly. 

Oik/. Well, we Womenj like the reft of the Cheats 
of the World, when our Cullies ot Creditofs hava 
found as out, and will, or can tmft no longer, 
pay Debts, and fatislie Obligations, with a Quar- 
rel, the kindefl Prefent A Man can make to his Mt- 
flrefs, when he can make no more Pfefents : ^ot 
often times in Love, as at Cards, we ate forc'd to 
play foal, only to give over the Game j and ufe our 
Lovers like the Cards^ when we can get no more by 
'em, throw 'em up in a Pet, upon the firft Difpute. 

S^M. My Lord, all that yoii have made me know 
by your whifpering, which I knew not before, is, that 
you have a ftinking Breath, there's a Secret for your 
Secret. 

L. Plauf. Pftiaw ! PihaW ! 

Matt. But, Madam, tell me, pray, what was't about 
this Spark could take you? Was it the Merit Of hi» 
fafhiooable Impudence, the Brisknefs of his Moife, 
the Wit of his Laugh, his Judgment, or Fancy in his 
Gamitnre ? Oi was it a well-trim'd Glovs, or th« 
Scent of it that charm d you i 

Nov. Very well, Sir, 'gad thefe Sea-Captains make 
nothing of Dreffing : But let me cell you. Sir, a Man 
by his Drefs, as much ai by any thing, fliews his Wii 
and Judgment ; nay, and his Courage too. 

Frte. How, his Courage, Mr. Noiiel ? 

N»v. Why, for Example, by red Breeches^ tack'd 
up Hair or Perake, a greaiie broad Belt, afld now 
a days a fhort Sword. ^ 

Man. Thy Courage will appear more by thy Belf; 
than thy Sword, 1 dare fwoan Then, Madam, for 
this gentle Piece of Courtefie, this Man of taraeHo- 
nonr, what cou'd you find in him ? Was it his lan- 
gnifbing affeAcd Tone ? his mannerly Look ? his fe- 
cond-faand Flattery ? the Refufe of the Play-Houfe 
Tyring-rooms i ot his flavifli Obfequioufnefs, in 
D waicl** 



55 Jbt Platit-Dealer. 

watjcMng at the Door of yoarBox at the Play-Hbtrle^ 
for your Hand to your Chair ? or his jaoty way of 
playing with your Fan? or was it the Gun-Powder 
Spot on his Hand, or the Jewel in his Ear, that pur- 
idias'd your Heart ? 

Oliv. Good jealous Captain, no more of your — — 

L. Vlguf. No> let him go on. Madam, for perhaps 
he may make you laugh ; And I wou'd conchbute to 
yoor Pleafure any way. 

Man. Gentle Rogue I 

Oliv. No, noble Captain, you cannot fore think 
^ny thing con'd take me more than that Heroick Ti- 
tle of yours. Captain ^ for you know we Women lore 
Honour inordinately. 

N(^. Ha, ha, F^th JBe is wich the^ Bully, for thy 
Railerjr. 

Man. Faith fo ibill I be with you, no-Bully, for 
your grinning. [ Afi^e to ^^vel. 

Oliv. Then that noble Lyon-Iike Meen of yours, 
that Soldier like Weather-beaten Complexion, and 
that manly Roughnefs of your Voice ; how can they 
otherwife than ch»m us Women, who hate EfleniB- 
nacy! 

Nov. Ha, ha. Faith I can't hold from laughing. 

Man. Nor ihall I from kicking anon. [Afidt to NoveL 

Oliv, And then, that Captain-like Carelefnefs in 
yourDrefs, but efpecially your Scarf,* 'twas juft fncb 
another, only a little higher ty'd, made ^ne in lore 
with my Taylor as he paft by my Window the laft 
Training-day ; for we Women adore a Martial Man, 
and you have nothing wanting to make you mote 
one, or more agreeable, but a wooden Leg. 

L. Tlauf. Nay, i'faith, chere your Ladyfliip was a 
Wag, and it was fine, juft, and well railly'd. 
~ Nov. Ay, ay. Madam, with you Ladies too. Mar* 
tial Men muft needs be very killing. 

Man. Peace, you Bartholenuw-Fair Bufoms, and bt 
not yon vain that thefe laugh on your fide, for they 
will laug^ at their own dull Jefts j but no more^ of 
'em. for I will only fuffer now this Lftdy to be witty 
and merryf Olh- You 



Tbe p/ain^Dtttler. ^ 

' olfv. Yoa won*d not have your Psuiegyrick Sater- 
THpted. I go on then to your Homoor. Is daereany 
thvig more agreeaUe than the pretty SollenaeG c4 
tb>f? than tl^ Greacnefs of your Connige^ \Adch 
moft of all appears in your Spirit of Coatradi^oo, 
for you dare give all Mankind the Lye j and your O- 
piuen is your only MiflreTs, for yeu ntnoHaee Atat 
toe, when it becomes another Man'ft 

JV*v. Hah, ha ! I cannot boM, I ma& laugh at thesj 
Tar, Faith! 

Z- PUuf, And i'faith, dear Captain, I beg your par* 
dna, and Leare to laugh at yoa too, tho' I proteft I 
mean you no hare j but, when a Lady Rallies, a 
fhuider bye tnnft be complaifaat, and do her J^sfim 
ia laDg^g 1 Hah, ha. 

A^f Why, yoB. impudent, ^tifiil Wretches, yoa 
prefanic f«» epon your Effeminacy to urge me j 
for yon are in all things fo like Women, that you Boay 
think it in me a kind of Cowardice to beat you. 

Oliv. No Hedoring, good Captain. 

Mm. Or, perhaps, yon think this Ladies ptctenct. 
fecures you j but have a care, ihe has talk'd her fetf 
out (tf all the refped I bad for her j and by ufiag me 
111 before yon, has given me a Privilege of ufing you 
fo before her ; but if you wou'd preferve your refpeA 
to her, and irat be beaten before her, go, be gond 
immediately. 

Nov. Be gone ! what ! 

L. Tiat^. Nay, worthy, not^, geoeroos Captaiiu 

Mm. Be gone, I fay. 

Nov. Be gone again ! to us be gone ! 

Mmi. No chattering, Baboons, inftantlybe gooe^ 

Or 

I [ Manly f Mj 'em out (f tbe Room ; 

Novel firutt, Plaufible cringtst 

Nm. Well, Kfedam, we'll go make the Cards ready 
in yoar Bed-Chamb» : fare yov will not ftay long 
vith bam. { Ex. Plattf. Nov. 

Oliv. Tarn hUhn- yuir Kage, good Captaia Swag- 
gBt-ho?, and be faucy with your M^t^U, like a <rue 



40 The Piah-Dealer. 

Captdn' ;' but be cifil to your Rivals and Betters, aftd 
do not threaten any thiag but me here ; no, not fo 
much as my Windows, nor do not think your felf in 
the Lodgings of one of yonr Suburb-Mtftrefles be- 
yond the Tower. 

JM*». Do not give me caufe to think fo, for thofe 
lefs infamous Women part with their Lovers, joft as 
you did from me," with unforc'd Vows of Conftancy, 
a,nd Floods of willing Tears ; but the fame Winds 
bear away their Lovers and their Vows : And for theie 
Griefj if the credulous unexpeAed Fools return, they 
find new Comforters, frelh Cullies, fuch as I found 
here. Thi mercenary Love of thofe Women too fuf- 
fers Shipwrack with their Gallants Fortunes; now 
you have heard Chance has us'd me feurvily, therefore 
you do too. Well, perfevere in* your Ingratitude, 
callltood and Difdain ; have Conftancy in fomethtngy 
and I promife you to be as juA to your real Scorn, as 
I was CO your feign'd Love: And henceforward will 
defpife, contemn, hate, loath, and deteQ you^ mo£t 
faithfully. 

Enter Lettice. 

0/(17. Get the Hombre-Cards ready in the next 
Room, Littket and — ~ [ Whifftrt to Lettice. 

Free. Bravely refolv'd. Captain. 

Fid. And you'H be fure to keep your Word, I hope. 
Sir. 

Man. I hope fo too. 

Fid. Do you but hope it, Sir ? If you are not as 

food as your Word, 'twill be the firft time you ever 
rag'd, fure. 

Man. She has reftor'd my Reafon with my Heart. 

Free. But nowyou talk of reftoring. Captain, there 
are other things which, next to one's Heart, one 
wou'd not part with i I mean your Jewels and Mo- 
ney, which it feemsflte has. Sir. 

Man. What's that to you, Sir? 

Free. Pardon me, whatfoever is yours, I have a fhare 
in't, I'tn fure, which I will not lofe for a; king, tho' 
you may be too generous, or too angry now to do't 
your felf. Fd. Nay^ 



The fUin-Vealer. ^^ 

'&l Nay, then 111 make bold to make my O^m 

too. [ Both going towards Olivia. 

JUtn. Hold, yon impertinent, <^cious Fops——- - 

How have I been deceiv'd ! [v^jWr. 

Free. Madam there are certain Appurtenances to a 

Lover's Hean, call'd Jewels, which always go along 

mth ic 

fij. And which, with Lovers, have no valaein 
themfelvesj boc from the Heart they come with i our 
Captains, Madam, it feems you fcorn to keep, and 
much more will thofe worthlefs things wichooc it, I 
am confident. 
Oiiv. A GetHleman fo well made as yon are^ may 

he confident us eafie Women ccu'd not deny 

you any thing you ask, if 'twere for your felf ; bar, 
fince 'tis for another, I beg yonr Leave to jgive him 
my Anfwer. ( An agreeable young Fellow this — ^— 
and won'd not be my Averfion ) [ 40^f- 1, Captain, 
your young Friend here has a very perfwa'ding Face, 
I coniefs i yet you might have ask'd me your, felf for 
tiiofe Trifles you left with me, which ( hark you a lit- 
tle, for I dare truft you with the Secret ; yon are a 
Man of fo much Honour I'm fure ) I fay then^ noc 
expe&ing your Return, or hoping ever to fee yon a- 
gain, I have deliver'd your Jewels to——* 

14/hktoiAtau 
Mm. Whom? 
Ollv. My Husband ! 
Man. Your Husband ! 

Qliv. Ay J my Husband ; for fince yon con'd leave 
me, I am lately and privately married to one, vrtra is 
a Man of fo much Hononr and Experience in the 
World, that I dare not ask hiui for your Jewels again 
to reitore *em to you j left he Ihonld conclude you ne- 
ver wou'd have parted with 'em to me, on any other 
Score, but the Exchange of my Honour: Which rather 
tbafiyon'd let me lole, yoa'dlofe I'm fure your felf, 
diofe Trifles of yours. 
Aian. Triumphant Impndenco ! but married too! 

•■ p 3 Oliv, O, 



'^% The Tlaht>ealer. " 

O/w. Of i^Kok not (b load, my Serrants knew it 
nor : I am married ; tfaera's no reflfting one's Deftinyi 
Of hofte, yoD know. 
. Man. Why did yon love him too i 

Oliv. Moft pxffionatdy j nay, lore htm now, tho* 
I have njarried him, and he me : which mutual Love, 
I hope you are too good, too generous a Man to di- 
ftutb, by any faiure Claim, or ri/its to me. 'Tis true, 
be is now abfenc in the Country, but returns fliortly j 
therefore I beg of yoa^ for your own Eafe and Quiet, 
luid my Honour, you will never fee me more. 

Man. I wifh I had never Teen you. 

Clip. Bat if you Hiould ever hare any thing to fay 
to me hereafter, let that young Gentleman there be 
yoar Mefibnger. 

Mm, Vou wou'd be kinder to bin : lAndbeJhoa'd 
he welcome. 

Oltv. Alas, hit youth wou'd keep my Husband fron 
fufpicions, and his Vifits from Scandal ; for we Wo- 
men may have Pity for fuch as he, but no Love : And 
I already think yoa do not well to ^rit him away to 
£ea, and the Sea is already bat too rich with the 
Spoils of the Shoar. 

Man. True perfed Woman I If I could iay any 

thing more injurious to her now, I wtni'd ^ for 1 qou'4 
cmt-nii! a Wlk'd Whore, or a kick'd Coward j but, 
now I think on't, that were rather co discover my 
Love than Hatred ; and I mufl not talk, for fome- 
thing I muft do. f j4Jtde, 

Oliv. I thinfc I liave given him eno:^ of roe noWj 
ttvet tp be tcoiiticd with him agaia-< '— • 

Ewer Lettice, 
Vidi, Letttetf steAc Cafds and all ready within ? ( 
xdnedien. • Captain, I begywir Pardoa : Von wt^ 
Udt^m^e one at Honbre? 

Mm. No, Madskn, Ibot I'U wilb yon a Jktle good 
Luck before you go. 

'<iU»[>. Ko, if ytuvem^ha.te me .thrir«j Curie ne; 
for that you'll do heartily, { foppofe. 



The P/am-Dealerl ^^ 

Mm. TfMd if yos will hare ic fb. May all (he 

Caiies light upon yon. Women ought to fear, aod 
yoo de&nre ; fiT&, may the Cnrfe of loving Play at-. 
ceod your fordid CoTetoafaefs, and Fortune cheat yoa, 
by trnfiing to her, as yoa have cheated me ; the Curfe 
« Pride* or 8 eppd Reputation, fall on yonr Lvft i 
die Curfe of Anedation on your Beauty ; the Carle 
of your Husband's Company on your Pleafures ; apd 
die Carfe of your Gallants Difappointments in bis Ab- 
fcBcej and the Curfe of Scorn, Jealoufie or De- 
spair on your Lore j and then the Curfe of loving on. 

O/fv. And to requite all your Curfes, I will only 
rctarn you your laft^ May the Curfe of loving nie 
fiill ^1 upon your proud hard Heart, that coil' d be (b 
cruel to roe in thefe horrid Curfes : but Hekvcn for- 
give yon. [ Exit Oliv. 

Mjti. Hell and the Qevil reward thee. 

Rv€. Well, you fee now, Miftfeifes, like Friends, ate 
lofi by letting 'em handle your Money ; and molt Wo- 
men are fuch kind of Witches, who can h^ve no Powec, 
over a Man, unlefs you give 'em Money; but when 
once they have got any from you, they nevej leave 
yoa 'all they have all : Therefore I never dare |iy$ a 
VoBian a Fanhing. 

Men. VeLI, there is yet this contort by lofing oneV 
Money with one's Miltrefs, a Man is out of Danger 
of getting another ; of being made Prize again Isy 
Lore, who, like a Pirate, takes you by fprcadl^g falfe 
Colours ifBut when once you hare run your Ship a- 
groofl^, the tnacherous Picaroon loofs, fo by ^ur 
Ruin you (are yonrfelf from Slavery atleait 
Enter Bty. 

Boy. Mrs. Ltttkt^ here's Madam Bhciacrt comif to 
wait upon her Honour. 

MM. D'y« hear that } Let us be gone, before fhe 
comes } for hence forward I'll avoid the v^ote dam^ d 
Sa for eretj and Wcunaa as a fmking Ship. 

[ Ex. Ifiaa. and ^d. 

ft»fc And ni ftay, tp reve^ige on her your (Quarrel 

to tbe Sex J for out of Love to her Jointure, and 

P 4 Hatred 



44 7*« P^i^ Dealer: 

Hatred to Bafiners, I wou'd marry her^ to make an 

end.ofberthoufand SuitSj and my thoufand Engage- 
ments, to the comfort of two unfonanate foits of 
People ; my PtaintifTs, and her Defendants,- my Cre- 
dftorSf and her AdverfarJes. 

Enttr ffiJow Blackacre, ted in hy Major OUfox, and Jer- 
ry Blackacre/o//<?M'/»»g, laden with green Bags. 

Wid. TU an errant Sea-Ruffian, but I am glad I 
qiet wich him ac laft, to ferve him again. Major, for 
die laft Service was nQt\good in Law. Bt^^ Duek, 
Jerryi whefe is my Paper of Memorandums, ? give me. 
Child : So. Where is my Coulin Olivia, now my 
Ifin^ Relation ? 

Free. Here is one that wou'd be your kind l^eU- 
tion. Madam. 
Wid. What mean you. Sir, , 

Free. Why, Faithj (to be fiiort) to marry yon, 
Widow. 

Wid. Is not this the wild, rpde Perfon we faw ac 
^^aptain Manly s ? , 

Jerr. Ay, forfpoth, an't pleafe. 
IVid. What wou'd you ? what are you i Marry me. ! 
Free. Ay, faith , for I am a younger brother, and. 
you are a Widow. 

Wid. You are sn inipertin^nt Perfpn, and go aboat 
your Bufinefi. 

Free. I have none, bqt to marry thee, Widow. 
Wid. But I have other Bufmefs, I'd have you to know. 
Fr«.,Butyou have no Bufjnefs a Nights, Widpw, 
and I'll make you pleafanter Bufiijels than, any you. 
fiave : For a Nights, I affure you, T am a Man of 
greatBufmefs ; fof (he Bufinefs — ■ — - 
Wid, Go, Tm fure you're an idle Fellow. 
Free. Try me but. Widow, and employ me asyoa 
find my Abilities and Induftry. 

Old. Pr^y be civil to the Lady, Mr- — fte is a Per- 
fon of, Qualiiy, a Perfon that is no Perfon — ■ - 

Free. Yes, but file's a Perfon th« is a Widow : Be 
you mannerly tp her, t)e9aufe yoq are (o pretend 



The PIai»-Dealer. ^5- 

only to be her 'Squire, to ami her to her Lawyers 
Oiambersj but I will be impudent and bawdy^ for 
jhe nnift love and marry me. 

mJ. Marry come up, yoa fancy ^miliar Jaeks 
You think with us Widows, 'tis no tnore than up, and . 
ride.- Gad forgive me, now a-days, every idle, young 
hedoriog, roaring Companion, with a pair of turn'd 
red Breeches, and a broad Back, thinks to carry a- 
way any Widow, of the beft Degree j but Vd 
have you to know,' Sir, all Widows are not got, 
like Places at Court, by In^dence and ImpoFtonity 
only. 

OU. No, no, foft, foft, yon are a young Man, and 
not fit — 7— 

five. For a Widow ? Yes fure, old Man, the fitter.' 

Old. Go to, go to, if others had not laid in their 
Claims bef(H« yon ^ 

Frte. Not yop, I hope. 

Old. Why not J, Sir ? Sure I am a much more pro^ 
portionable Match for her, than you. Sir; I who am 
an elder Brother, of a comfortable Fortune, and nf' 
equal Years with her.* 

ffiJ. How's that, you unmanneriy Perfbn, i'd have 
you to know, I was bora but in Jnrt unite Cartli: 
frim'. 

Old. Your Pardon^ Lady, your Pardon j be iiot of- 
fended with your very Servant— —But! fey. Sir,; 
you are a beggarly younger Brother, twenty Yeart 
younger than her, without- any. Land or Stock, but 
your great Stock of Impudence : Therefore what Pre-: 
tention can you h^vc to her ? : 

Frn. You have made it foe me ; firit, becanfe I ani' 
a younger Brother, 

Wid. Why, is that a TufiicieneFlea to a KeHa?. - 
How appears it. Sir ? by what foolifli Cuftom i 

Bte. By Cuftom, time out of mind only. < Then^ 
Sir, becaufe I have nothing to keep me after her - 
Death, I am the likelier to take care of her Life. 
And for nty being twenty Years yodnger than hbr, and 
baviog a fnfficient Stctqt of Impudence, I leave icto: 



^ The PUinrDcAl^l 

Ittr «rfiether they wtU fae valid Exc^idoas to mc, ta 

lux Widow's Law at £q[ulcy. 

Old. ' Well, Ihe has been lo long in Cbjocery, that I'll 
fiand eo faer Equity and Decree between us. Come, 
Ejid^, [ffay fnap up this yoong Snap at tirftj or wo 
fi^U be tconUed wiiii him ; give him a City- Widow's 
Anfwer: (that is with all tap ill Breeding imagina- 
ble. J ^ iJfiUtotbsHU 
Come, Mtdant. 

\ iPf/. Well tfaen^ tomakeanendcrf thisfoolilliVoo- 
iH$t for ncHd^g internipcs Bafin^fs more; ficft^ tcx 

you. Major - 

: £^ You dedare in my fa*oiir then ? 

Free. What, direft the Court i ( Owm, yoang. 
Xawyer, choa Aalc be a Conofel for me.) [ Te Jerr. 

3^err. Gad, I fhall betray your Canfe then, as well 
as an older Lawyer, never &k. 

Wid. Firft, I fay, for yoa, Ib^oc, my walking 
Hoj^ital of an ancient Foandatiori, thou >Bag of 
Mumtay, that wou'dft £U1 afpoder if 'twere i|Ocibr thy. 
Cercrdo^ths-: -^ 

Old. How, Lady ? Fret. Ha, ha- 



' ^9^r. Hey, brave Mother! nieall Suitors thus, for 
my fake. 

H^td. Thou withet'd, hobling, dtftorted Cripple; 
uy, cfaoQ art a Cript^e all over ; wou'dft thoii make 
me the Staff of thy A^e, the Crutch of thy Deere- 
pednefs? Me— — 

: Free. Well faid. Widow ! 'Futh, thou wou'dft make 
a Man lore thee now, without dilfembling. 

Wtd. Thon fenfelels, impertinent, quibling, drivel- 
ing; 'feeble, paralytidt, impotent, fumbling, Irigid Ni- 
compoop. 

Jer^-Hiey, brave Mother, for calling of Names, 
i'fec! ■ 

Wid. Woa'dfl thou make a Camdlemaker, a Noffe 
of me.^ Can't yon be Bed-rid without a Bed-fellov' 
Won't your Swan-skint, Furn, Flannels, and tJte 
ftocch'd Tcendier keep yoa warm there? Wou'd yoa 
have me your ScotohrwarmiAK'Km, with a PQx co 



The PlaiikDealer, ^ 

QUO Heavens! 
tni. I told yon I ftoo'd be thought the fittw Maa$ 

Major. 

fir. Ay, yoa <M Fc^as, and you woa'd have bc«i 
mr Guardian, woa'd you i to have taken care of mf 
£nue, that half <tf't ihou'd never come to ne, by 
letting long Leafes at Pepper-corn Rents. . 

Wid. If I woti d have married ap old Man, 'tis well 
known X mi^ht have marry'd an Earl ; nay, what's 
more^ a Judge, and been cover'd the Wimer-nigte 
with the Lambs-skins, which I prefer to the Ernuns 
of Nc^ks : And doft thou think I won'd wrong n^ 
poor Aiinor there, for you I 

Free. Vou£ Minor is a chopping Minor, God Uefi 
him. [ Strohi]ciTy «» r^ HetJ, 

Old. Your Minor may be a Major of Uorfe or Foo^ 
for his Biignefs ; anditfeems, you will have the ohcai- 
ing of your Minor to your lelf. 

mJ. ^ray. Sir, bear Witnefs ; Cheat n^ Minor! 
I'll bring my AAion of the Cafe for the Slandtt. 

J^M. Nay, I wou'd bear falfe Witnefs for chec now^' 
Vidow, fmce you have done me Jaftice, and Inie 
thought me the fitter Man for you. 

B^d. Fair and foftly. Sir, 'tis my Minor's Cale, 
more than my own : and I muft do him Juftice now 
aa you. 

five. How ? > 

Old. So then. 

^d. You are firft, (I warrant) Tome Reneg^ib 
from the Innt of Court, and the Law ; and thot^ 
(onie to fuffcr for't by the Law : that is, be hang'4^ ■ 

Jer. Not about your Neck, forioonfa^ I hope. 

Fret. But, Madam 

•Old. Heat the Couit. 

md. Thou an fbme d^adi'd, drunken, lew^' 
i^cAoringj gaming Compaoion, an4 wmt'ft (emjs 
Widow's old Cold to nidt upon ; but, I thaalc you, . 
&r, that'-s for my Lawyers. 

B-ti. Faith,weihoad ne'er parrel about that;foir 

^mnea&]jroii'dierreiiiy turn : But, Widow 

ffU/Ihok 



^8 The Vhin-VeaUr. 

Wii. Thon art a foaJ mouth boafler of thy Lft^y a 
xaeef Bragadochto of thy Strength for Wine and Wo- 
men, and Will belie thy felf more than thou doll. 
jiromen, and art every way a bafe deceiver of Wo- 
men: And wou'd deceive me too, wou'd you ? 
- Fret. Nay, faith, Widow, this is judging without 
ieeing the Evidence. 

■ Wii- I fay you are a wprn-out Whoremafter, at five 
-and twenty both in Body and Fortune : And cannot 
■be trufted by the common Wenches of the Town, 
left you ihou'd not pay 'cm j nor by the Wives of the 
Town, left you fhou'd pay 'em : fo you want Wo- 
men, and wou'd have me your Baud to- procure 'em 
for you. 

Free, Faith, if you had any good Acquaintance, 
Widow, 'twou'd be civilly done of thee ,- for I am 
jnft come from Sea. 

W^d. Ismean, you wou'd have me keep you ; tiiat 
you might turn Keeper ; for poor Widows are only 
us'd like Bauds by you ; you go to Church with us, 
but to get other Women lo lie with. In fine, you are 
a cheating, cbouling Spendthrift: and having fold 
your own Annuity, wou'd wafte my Jointure. 
.' Jer. And make havock of our Eftate perfonal, and 
all our old gilt Plate ; \ fhou'd foon be picking up all 
' our mortgagM A poftle- Spoons, Bowls and Beakers out 
of moft of the Ale houfes betwixt HermUt^lUartZTy^ 
the BoatCwain in Wafpng : nay, and you'd be fcour* 
^Sbg amonf[ft my Trees, and make 'em knock down 
:eiie another, like routed reeling Watchmen at Mid- 
night. Wou'd you fo, Bully ? 

Sret. Nay, prithee Widow, he^r me. 

THJ, No, Sir, I'd have you to know, thou pitiful, 
paltry, lath-back'd Fellow, if I woii'd have married a 
young Man, 'tis well known, I cou'd have had any 
young Heir in Norfolk; nay, the hopefull'ft young 
Man this Day fit the Kings- Bench- Bar i I, that am a 
ReliA and Executrix of known plentiful Aflits and 
Parts^ who under{taQd my felf and the Law : And 
wou'd you have me under Corcr^BAron again i No, 
Sir. no Covert-^ron for me. frtt* 



the Pkin-DeaUr. ^ 

Vru. "But, dear WidoWj hear me. I valae yon cmly, 
not your Jfo^cure. ' 

Wii. Nay, Sir, hold there ; I know your love to a 
WidoWj is covetoufaefs of her Joioture : And a Vi- 
doWj a little ilricken in Years, with a good Jointure, 
is like an old Manfion-houfe in a good Purchase, 
ncTer valu'd ; but take one, take t'other : And per- 
haps , when you are in polTeffion , you'd negleA it, 
let it drop to the Ground, for wane of neceflary Re- 
pain or Expences upon't. 

Frtt. No, Widow, one wou'd be fure to keep all 
tight, when one is to forfeit one's Leafe by ifilapi- 
dation. 

PTtJ. Fie, fie, I negleft my Bufinefs with this fooUfli ' 
difcourfe of Love. Jerry, Child, let me fee the Lift 
of the Jury ; I'm idre my CoulTo Olivia has fome 
Relations amongft 'em. But where is Oie } 

Free. Nay, Widow, but hear me one Word only, 

Wtd. Nay, Sir, no more, pray. I will no more 
hearken again to your foolifli Love-motions, than to 
offers of Arbitration. [Exit Wid. aitj Jer.. 

Free. Well, I'll follow thee yet j for he that has a 
Pretenfion at Court, or to a Widow, muft never ^tg 
over for a little ill ufage. 

OlJ. Therefore I'll gee her by Afltdijity, Patience 
and long Sufferings, which you will not undergo; 
for you idle young Fellows leave off Love when it 
comes to be Bufinefs ; and Induftry geps more Wo- 
loen than Love. 

Fret. Ay, Induflry the Fools and old Man's merit i 
but I'll be induftrious too, and make a bulinefs on'c, 
and get her by Law, Wrangling, and Contells, and 
not by Sufferings : And, becaufe you are no dangc^ 
rous Rival, I'll give thee Counlel Major. 
If you Litigious Widow e'er Tvou'dgain, 
Sigh net to htr, but hy the Law complain : 
To btr, M to a Bawd, Defendant jue 
With Statutes^ and make Jufiice ftmffgryeu. [Exennt. 

Finis Aftus Secundi. 

ACT. 



jfi fit PUit-btaUr. 

ACT IIL SCENfi t 

We^inJier-HalL 

tnttr Manly and Freeman, two Sailers hbini. 

Xaih Y Hate this place, woife than a Man that ha$ in-^ 
1 herited a ChancerjSak : I wijh I wete welt 
ont on'c again. 

free. 'Why you need not be afraid of this place : for 
a Mail without Money, needs no more fear a Crowd 
of Lawyers, than a Crowd of Pick-pockets. 

Man. This, the Reverend of the Law won'd have 
thought the Palace or Refidence of Jnftice ; but, if it 
hi, ifae livei here with the State of a Turk^ Emperor, 
rarely feen; and befieg'dj'ather than defended^ by her 
juimeroas black Guard here. 

Free. Methinks, 'tis like one of their own Halls, in 
Clri^at time, whither, from all Parts, Fools bring 
their Money, to try, by the Dice , (not the worn 
Judges) whether it fiiail be their own, or no : But 
after a tedious fretting and wrangling, they drop away 
-all their Money , on both fides ; and hnding neither 
the better, at laft, go emptily and lovingly away to- 
gether, to the Tavern, joining their Corfes againll 
the young Lawyer's Box, that fwe^ all, like the 
old ones. 
. ^an. Spoken like a Revelling Cbrifimar Lawyer. 

Frte. Yes , I was one , I confefs, but was ftin to 
liave the Law, out of Confcience, and fall to making 
^Ife Mutters : rather chufe to cheat the King, thaa 
his Subjeds j Plunder, rather than take Fees. 

Man. Welt, a Plague and a Purfe Famine light on 
the Law ; and that Female Limb of it, who drag'd 
me hither to Day : but prithee go fee if, in that croud 
of dagled Gowns there, thou canft find her. 

)jPointhg to a Creud of Lawyen at the mi ofthi Stage, 

[Exit Freeman. 

Manit 



The PlOin-Veettr. ^ 

, MMut, Maiil]r. 
How hard it is to be an Hypocrite ! 
At leaft to TaSy who am but aewly foi 
I tbought k once ft kind of Knareiy^ 
Nay, Cowardice, to hide ones Faults ; but now 
The cofnnon frailtyj Lore, becomes my fiiams. 
He nnft not know I Iotc the Uiwratefial ftiU, 
Left he contemn me, more than me : for I> 
Ic feems, can undergo a Womans fconit 
Has not a Man s ■ — 

Enttr to biHa Bdclta. 

fii. SAtf good Sir, generous Cftptain. 

Mm. Prithee, kind impertirtetice, teare me. Why 
Jhoa'dit thou fellow ntt, flatter my Geiierofity Dow^ 
fince thou knoweft I have no McHiey left? tf 1 bad i^ 
I'd give it theej to buy my qnier. 

Pid. I never foUow'd yet, Sic^ Reward or FaU^ 
but yott alone; nor do I now beg any thing, bdt 
leave to Jhare your Miferic! : You Jhou'd not be * 
Niggard of 'em, fince, methinks, yoti have enoitgli 
to fpar& Let me follow yon now, becsufetyou lact 
BK, as yon have dcen faid. 

Man. I ever hated a Coward's Conqtany , I mnft 
confefs. 

fiJ. Let me follow you, till I am none then ; fyt 
yoQ, I'm fure, will through fuch Worlds of Dangerv 
that 1 fliall be ennr'd to 'em ,* nay, I {faal) be ufiiaM of 
your Anger more than Danger, and fo tutn valiant 
oat of fear. Dear Captain , do not cad me off tUl 
you have try'd me once more: do not, do not go M 
Sea again without me. 

Man. Thon Co Sea ! to Court, thoa Fool ; reA'eriH 
ber the Advice I gave thee : thou arc a hsndfome Spa- 
niel, and canft ^wn naturally i go, buik about and 
mo thy felf into the next great Man's Lobby : firfly 
fawn upon the Slaves without, aiud then ranitiro ths 
Ladies Bed-Chamber ^ thou may'ft be admitttfd itlaft^ 
to tumble her Btid : go feek, I fay, and lofe me ; foe 
I am not able to keep thee : I ^ve not BreaA for 
my felf. V 

Fid. 



jj the PUin-T^ealtK 

Tid. Therefore I will not g<>j becanle then I may 
help and fer« you. 

Man. Thou r 

fU. I warrant you, Sir, for at worft^ I cott'd big 
or fisal for you. 

Mm. Nay , more bra^ng ! doft thou not know 
there's venturing your Life in flealing ? Go, prithee 
away : thou art as hard to fliake off, as that flattering 
effeminating mifchief Love. 

Fid. Love, did you name? Why, you are not Co 
miferable as to be yet in Love, fure ? 

Man. No, no, prithee away, be gone, or— — — 
I had almoft difcover'd my Love and Shame ; well, if 
I had that thing cou'd not think the worfe ofme:— 

qr if he did ?— — no yes, he ftiall know it he 

ftall— but then I muft never leave him, for they are 
fuch Secrets, that make Parafites and Pimps Lords of 
their Matters j for any Slavery or Tyranny is eaficr 
Chan Love's. [jlfiJe. 

Come hither, fince thou art fo forward to ferve me : 
haft thou boc Refolution enough lo endure the Tor- 
ture of a Secret ? for fuch, to feme, is infupportablc. 

Fid. I wou'd keep it as fafe, as if your dear prectotu 
Life depended on'c. 

Man. Damn your dearnefs. It concerns more than 
my Life, my Honour. 

Fid. Doubt it not. Sir. 

Man. Arid do not difcover it, by too much fear of 
difcovering it; but have a great care you let not Free- 
man find it out. 

Fid. 1 warrant you. Sir, I am already all joy, with 
the hopes of your Commands j and fliall be all wings 
in the execution of 'em : fpeak quickly^ Sir, 

Man. You faid you'd beg for me. 

Fid. I did. Sir. 

Mmi. 1 hen you fhall beg for oie. 

F$J. With all my Heart, Sir. 

Mam. That is. Pimp for me. 
. :;i<^How, Sir? 



The flaiit-Deakr. SJ . 

'it^f D'ye flare ! ttuDk'fl thou, ihoq cou'^ft do me 
any, other ferrice? ComCj no diflembliog Hooout: 
Ikodw you can do it handrotnly^ thou wett.made 
for'c : Yon have loft yonr time with me at Sea^ yctt 
imitt recover it. 

fid. Do naty Sir, ^e%^t your felf mcfie Reafons for 
yoDr Averlton tomcj aiid malce my Qbedience to you 
a Faak I I ^m the unfitceli in the World to do you 
fnch a Service. 

Man; Yonr cimoing arguing againft it, Ibews but 
how fie yon are for it. No,more difl'^mbliog : here> 
(I fay) you muft gQ ufc it for me to OfivM; 

Fi(/. To heTi Sir ? 

Man. Go flatter, lie, icneel, promlfe, any thing to 
get her for me : I cannot live unlefs I have her. Didft 
thou not lay thou wou'dft do any thing to faVe my 
Life ? And fhe faid you had a permading Face. 

fU. But did not yoa fay. Sir , your Honour was 
dearer to you than your Life i And wou'd yon have 
me contribute to the lofs of that, and catry loVe froni 
yoiis CO the mofi in^ous, mou falfcj and 

A^m. And mod beautif&I ! [Sight afide, 

Fui. Moft ungrateful Woman that ever liv'd j for 
fure {he muft he To, that cou'd deferc you fofoon, ufe 
yoo fo bMely, and ib lately coo ? do not, do not for- 
get ic, Sir^ and think 

Mtnt. Ko, Iwillnoc forget it^ but chink of revenge 1 
I will lie with her out of revenge. Go, be gond, and 
prevail for me^ or never fee me more. 

Fid. You fcorn'd her laft Ntghc. . . 

Man. I know not what I did laft Night • I diiTem* 
bled laft I^gfat. 

Ftd. Heavens ! , , . . 

Man. Be gone, I fay, and bring me love or: com-l 
pliance back, or hopes at leaft, or I'll never fee thy 
Face again : by— r— 

Fid. O do not fwear. Sir, firft hear me> . . 

A^n. I'm impatient^ away, you'll find me here 
till Twelve. [j7«w «aw;." 

F,i. Sir ., ; 



54 7^^ TUin-VeaUr. 

■ Mm. NotooeWordjnoiannnatingArguiiienefflM^ 
or foothing perfwafion j you'll have need of all yoiu 
Rhetorick with her : go, ftrire to alter her, not me j 
be gotie. [£xit Man- at tbt end tftBt Stage, 

Mmtt Fidelia. 
Ri. Shou'd Idifcoverto him now my Sezj 
And lay before him his Itrange cruelty, 
'Twou'd but incenfe it more.— ^-^No, 'tis not time! 
For his Lore, muft I then betray, my own ? 
Were cter Love or Chance, till now, ferere ? 
Or flitfting Woman pos'd with fuch a Task i 
Forc'd to beg thai which kills her, if obtain'd ; 
And give away her Lover not to lofe him. [Fx.Fid. 

Ei^tr ffidsw Blackacre in tbt miJdle of half a dozm Law 
ym^ whifftid to by a FeSow m bUckf Jerry Blackacre 
foSotving tbe Crowd. 

Wid. Oifer me a Reference, yoti fkucy Companion 
you ! tfye know who yon fpeak to ? Art thou a Soli- 
ctor in chancery i and offer a Reference i A pretty 
Fellow! Mr. Serjeant PWi/iw, here's a Fellow has the 
Impudehcd to offer me a Reference. 

Strj. Plod. Who's that has the Impudence to oSer a 
Reference within thefe Walls ? . 

ITfd. Nay, for a Splitter of Catfes to do't ! / 

Serj. Pled. No, Madam, to a Lady learned ift cAe 
Law, as yon are, the of^r of ft Reference were to 
impofe iip(Hi you. 

ff^d. No, no, never fear me for a Reference, Mr. 
Serjeant. But come, have you not forgot your Brief? 
Are you fore you flian't make the Miftake of—— 

Hark you {Wbifftrs} Go then, go to your Court 

of Commen-PUatt an<^ ^J o"* thing over ahd over 
again: You do itfsnamrtlly, you'll never be fufped- 
od for protradlng time.' 

Serj. Pled. Come, I know the conrfe of the Coflrt, 
and your BuHnels. 

- : , [Ew, Serj. Plod. 

■ W/ Let's fee, JeTry, where arc my Minutes.* Come, 
Mr. ^aint, pray go talk a great deal for me in Cban- 

ttry. 



The Piaitt' Dealer. 5y 

Mry, let ycmr Words be eafie , and your Senre hard, 
my Caale requires it : Branch it bravely, and deck 
my Caafe with Flowers, that the Snake may lis 
hidden. Go, go, and be fure you remember the 
£)ecree of my Lotd Chancellor Tmefimo juart' of 
the Queen. 

^aim. I will, as I fee caufejextenu^te,dr exampU5e 
Matter of Fad j baffle Truth with Impudence ^ an- 
fwer Exceptions with Queftions, tho' never fo imper- 
tinent; for Reafons give 'em Wprdsj for Law and 
Eqaity, Tropes and Figures : And fo relax and ener- 
vate the Sinews of their Argument, with the Oil of 
my Eloquence. But when my Lungs can reafon 
no longer, and not being able to fay any thing more 
for our Caufe, fay every thing of our Adverfary ; 
whofe Reputation, tho' never lo clear and evident in 
tbeEye of the Wodd, yet with ftiarp Invetaives— 

mJ. (4Has BiSln/fgate.) 

^a'mt. With poinant Snd fower Inredlves, I fay, 
I will deface, wipe out, and obliterate his' fair Repu- 
tation, even as a Record with the Juice of Lemons j 
and tell fuch a Story, (for the truth on't is, all that 
we can dtf for out Client, in Chancery, is telliugaStory) 
a fine Story, a lorig Story , fuch a Story-; — — 

Wid. Go, fave thy Breath for the Caufe j talk at 
the Bar, Mr. ^aint: You ar^ fo copiouOy fluent, 
ydo can weary any ones Ears, fooner than your own 
Tongue. Go, weary our Adverfaries Counfel, and 
the Court : Go, thou art a fine fpoken Pcffon : Adad, 
I Ifaalt make thy Wife jealous of me : if you can buc 
court the Court into a Dfifjree for us. Go, get you 

gone, and remember \WhM''feri] {Ex. Quaint* 

CoWe, Mr. Blunder, pray bauf foundly for me,, at the 
KMgs-Bentb } blultcr, fputt'er, (^ueflion, cavil ; but ba 
fure your Argument be intricate enough to confound 
the Court : And then you do piy buHnefs. Talk 
what you will, but be fure your Tongue never fland 
fiill ; for your own Noife will fecure your Senfe from 
Cenfure : 'tis like cotjghing or heming when one has 
got the Belly-ake, which ftifles the unmannerly Noife. 
E » - - ^ ,9p> 



$6 The Plain-Denkr. 

Go, dear Rogne, and fucceed ; and I'll invite thce^ 

e'er it be long, to more fouz'd. Venifon. 

Blund. I'll warrant you, after your Verdift , your 
Judgment (ball not be Arreded upon IPs and and's. 

Wid. Come, Mr. Petulant, let me give you fome newr 
Inftrudions, for oar Caufe in the Excbt^iier : Are the 
Barons fate } 

Pet. Yes, no ; may be they arc, may be they are 
not : what know 1 ? what care I ? 

Wid. Hey day ! I wifh you wou'd but fnap up the 
Counfel on t'other llde anon, at the Bar, as much ; 
and have a little more patience with me, that I might 
iiifiruift you a little bette^. 

Pet. Youinflma me ! Whatismy Brief for,MiIlrer5? 

Wid. Ay, but you feldom lead your Brief, but at the 
Ear, if you do it then. 

Ptt. Perhaps I do, perhaps I don't, and perhaps 'tis 
time enough : pray hold your felf co'ntented Miftrefs. 

Wid. Nay, if you go there too, I will noP be con- 
tested. Sir, tho' you, I fee, will lofe my Caufe for 
want of fpeaking, I wo' not : You Ihall hear me, and 
Jhall be InftruiEied. Let's fee your Brief. 

Pet, Send your Solicitor to me, inflruded by a Wo- 
man ! I'd have you to know, I do not wear a Bar- 
gown 

Wid. By a Woman I and I'd have you to know, I 
am no common Woman ; but a Woman converfant in 
the Laws of the Land , as well as your'felf, tho' I 
hare no Bar-gown. 

Pet. Go to, go to, Miftrefs, you are impertinent, and 
there's your Brief for you ; inftruft me ! {Flings her 

Briviate at ber. 

Wid. Impertinent to me, you fancy Jack you .' Yoa 
teturn my Breviate, but wnere's my Fee ? You'll be 
fure to keep that, and fcan chat fo well, that if there 
chance to be but a Brafs Half crown in't, one's fure 
to hear on't again : wou'd you wou'd but look on 
your Breviate half fo narrowly. But pray give me 
uiy Fee too, as well as my Brief. 

Vet. Miftrefs, that's without Pfecedenc. When did a 
Counfel 



the TUh Dealer. 57 

Coanfel ever return his Fee, pray ? And you are im- 
pertinent, and ignoraac to demand it. 

ff^td. Impertinent again, and ignorant to me I Gads- 
boJikins, yon puny Upftart in the Law, to ufe me (o, 
yoa Green-Bag Carrier, yoa Murderer of unfortu- 
nate Caufes, the Clerk's Ink is fcarce offof your Fin- 
gers, yoD that newly come from Lamblackicg the 
Judges Shoes, and are not fie to wipe mine ; you call 
me impertinent and ignorant .' I wou'd give thee a 
Cuff on the Ear. fitting the Courts, if I were ignorant. 
^^■7 gcPj if^ic h'ad not been for me,ihou had'ft been 
yet but a hearing Counfel at the Bar. \Exii Petulant. 

Ei^er Mr. Buttongown, erojfmg the Sttge in'bafie. 
Mr. Bitttoiigeivn, Mr. Buttewoum, whither 10 fait ? what, 
won't you fiay till we are neard ? 

Butt. I cannot , Mrs. Blackacrt , T muft be at the 
Council, my Lord's CauTe ftays there for me. 

ff'td. And mine fuiTers here. 

Bull. I cannot help it. 

ffid. I'm undone. 

Bm. What's that to me ? 

H^. Confider the Five pound Fee, if not my Caufe : 
that was fomething to. you. 

Butt. Away, away^ pray be not fo troublefome, 
Millrefs, I mufl be gone. 

IfW. Nay, but confider a little^ I am your old Cli- 
ent, my Lord but 3 new one j or, let him be what he 
will, he will hardly be a better Client to you than my 
felf : I hope you oelieve I fbal! be in Law as long as 
I live ? tbererore am no defpicable Client. Welt, buc 
go to your Lord, I know you expe& he Ihou'd make 
make you a Judge one Day ; but I hope his Promife 
to you vn\l prove a true Lord's Promife : But, chat he 
ndght be fure to fail you, I wifb you had his Bond 
fort. 

Butt. But what, will you yet be thus impertinent^ 
MifireG? 

md. Nay, I befeech you. Sir, uay ; if it be but to 
tell me my Lord's Cafe : come, in fhort — - 

Butt, Nay, ihen^^;:^ [Exit Buttongown.' 

E 3 ^md- 



58 The plain- Dealer. , 

m^. Well, Jerrji, obferve Child, and lay it up for 
hereafter : Thefe are thofe Lawyers, who, by being 
in all Caufes, are in non& ; therefore if you woa'd 
hgve 'em for you, let your Adverfary fee 'em ,- for he 
may chance to depend upon 'em : and fo, in being 
againft thee, they'll be for thee. 

Jerr. Ay, Mother, they putmein mihdof thean- 
confcionable Wooers of Widows, who undertalte brisk- 
ly their Matrimonial bblinefs for their Money ; but 
when they have got it onc^ let who's will drudge for 
them; therefore have a care'of 'em,-forfooth: there's 
Advice for your Advice. ' l-' 

TViJ. Well faid. Boy, come, Mr. Splticaufe; pray go 

fee when my Caufe in Chancery comeson • and go 

fpeak with Mr.^jff(» intheKiMg^-BwipA^and Mr.^tfir*^ 

in the Ccmm&ft- P/ew,and fee how our Matters go there. 

Efitir Major Oldfoif; 

OU. Lady, a good and propitious Morning to yonj 
and may all your Caufes go as well^ as if 1 my felf 
were Judge of 'em. . ' ". 

Wid. Sir, excufeme, I ambufie,j and "cannot an- 
fwer Complements in WefimlnJter-HaU:' Gh I Mr. SpUt- 
caafe, and come to me again, to (hat Bookfcllprs, there 
I'll flay for you, that you may be fur'e to find me. 

OU. No, Sir, come to the other Bookfellers, I'll 
attend your Ladyftjip thither." - [EkiV Splitcaufe, 

fViJ. Why to the other ? 

OU. Becaufe he is my fipokfeller,, I-ady;. ' 

Wi4- What, to fell you Lozenges for your Catarrh? 
or Medicines for your Corns ? What elfe can a M^jor. 
deal with a Bookleller for ?. .' , 

, 0// Lady, he Prints for me. 

Wtd. Why, are youan' Author? 

Old. Of Tome f?vf EITays; deign you , Lady, to.' 
perufe 'em. (She is a Woftian of Parts , and I mnft 
win her by fliewing mine.) {^A/idt.' 

The Bookfellers Boy. ' 

Boy, Will you fee CuljftpptTf Minc^Ci^'Ariffettei Fro- 
Hems ? The CompUat Midy^ife ?. 

ffid. "NOj lets kcmiion,fJuHs.Sbepberd.fr»ieiff<' ' 
■ ^0/. TyehavenoLaw-^ooks." ' * '' fnJ. 



The FiaitfDeaierl ^^ 

f^iL Ko^ yon are i pretty Bookfeller thea: 

Old. Come, have you e'er a one of my ^Eiys left} 

B^. Ves, Sitr» wehave eaoa^, and fliall always 
hare 'em. 

Old, How fo ? 

Sajf Whyj thy are good, fleady, laflina Ware. 

Oldi Kay, I hope they will live, lets fee. Be 
[deas'd. Madam, to perufe the poor Endeavonnof 

my Pen ; foe I have a Pen, tho* I fay it, that 

{_ Givu ber a Book. 

yen. Pray let me fee St. Geoi^e/w Chrifimdom, or 
Tie Svom Champimt of England. . . 

Wid. No, no, give him, Tht Ttumg Clerk's G^dtt 
ViTiatj we fiiall have you read your \t\l into a Ha- 
mour of rambling, ^nd fighting, and ftudying Mili- 
t^y Difcipline, and wearing red Breeches. 

Old. Nay, if you talk of Military Difcipline, fliew 
lum my Treatife of The Art Military. 

Wid. Hold, I wou'd as willingly he flionld read a 

Jen. O pray, forfooth Mother, let me hare aF%^ 

ff^. No, Sirrahj there are yoong Student! of the 
Law enough fpoil'd . already by Plays j they woD*d 
make you in Love with your Landrns, or what's 
wprfe, fome Qjieen of the Stage, that was a Lan- 
drefs i and fo turn Keeper before yon are of Age. 

[^Several cro^Kg the St*^e. 
!Put fi4y> Jtrry^ is not that Mr. what dy call iim, 
that goes there : He that ofFer'd to fell me a Snit in 
Ckunetfy for five hundred Found, for a hundred down, 
i)nd only paying the Clerks Fees ? 
" Jerr.' Ay, torfooth, 'tis he. 

md. Then Rzy here, and have a care of the Bags, 
\^ilQ } foUow iiim I ^ve a c^te Af the Bags^ I fay. 

Jerr, 4n^ do you have « cars^. iocfootfa, of the 
Stim^ agaioft Cht?^trte«i I f»y-i [ Ex. Widows 

EnttrVje9Vmx*rtbm. 

tree. So, there's a Limb ~qf my 'V^tdow, which WIS 
wflOt (o bf infep4r^» ito» tier: She can't bo hr. 
'■■ ■■ ,.■■,» ■■■■■. IJ/^- 

B^ ..,..,^Hoi| 



^0 fi>c Plain Oeaiet. 

How naw, my pretty Son-in-law, that th^ \Xg 

there's my Widow ? . ' 

; .^nr. My Mother, but not your Widow, will be. 

forth-coming prefently. 

Free. Your Semnt, Major; what, are you buyiaa; 
Furniture for a littje fleeping Clofet, which you miw 
c^ a Study ? For you do only, by your Books, as by 
^OQr Wenches, bind 'em up neatly, and make 'em 
fine, for other People to ufe 'em : And your Bo<^-> 
feltoF is properly your Upbolfter, for he furniihes 
jiourRoom, ratherthan your Head. 

OU. Well, well, good Sea-Lieutenant, flndy you 
youf Compafs, that's more than your Head can deal 
vdch. ( I will go find out the Widow, to keep her 
eiit.ofhis fight, or he'll board her, wbilft I am treat- 
ing a Peace J [JfiJe. lExit. Oldfox. 
*-" . Mmet Frecraao, Jerry; 

Jerr. Nay, prithee. Friend, now, let me have bat 
AfsStvea Cbamfloris, you fliall truft me no longer than 
'till my Mother's Mr. StUtcaufe comes; for I Iwp© 
bpll lend me wherewithal to pay for't. 
■ Free. Lend thee ! here, I'll pay him. Do you want 
Money, 'Squire ? I'm forry a Man of your Eftate 
fiiou'd wane Money. 

Jerr. Nay, my Mother will ne'er let me be at Age: 
And 'till then, Ihefayt - — — - 

Free. At Age ! Why, you are at Age already to have 
ipent an Eftate, Man ; there are yonnger than ywx, 
tutve kept their Women thefe three Years, have had 
I^f a dozen Clap^ and loft as many thoufand Pounds 
at Play. 

Jerr. Ay, they are happy Sparks ! Nay, I know 
Ipfne of my Schod Fdlbwc, who when we were at 
School, were two Years younger than me; but now, 
l^ know not how,, are grown Men before me, and 
nv^b«-e they will, and look to chemfelves : but my 
Gnrmadgeonly Mooter won't allow me wherewithal 
labeiaManof my felf with.- 

Frit. 'Why> Efaore 'iUyt kbew your Mother was in 
Faults Ask but your School-fellows what they did to 
b« Men of themfelves. ; •''■ ..-7<"". 



The flain-Vealer. ^ 6i 

yerr. Wh/j 1 know they went to Law with iheic 
Mothers ,- for they fay, there's no good to be done, 
upon a Widow-Mother, 'till one goes to Law with 
her : fiat mine is as plaguy a Lawyer as any's of out 
Inn. ' Then wou'd fhe marry too, and cat down my 
Tree*; Now I fiion'd hate, Man, to have my Fathers 
Wife kits'd, and llapt, and t'other thing too, ryoa 
know what I mean ) by another Man ; and our Trees 
are the pureft, tall, even, fliady Twigs, by my Fa — 

Free. Come 'Squire/letyotir Mother and yonr Trees 
Bill as the pleafesj rather than wear this Gown, and 
carry green Bags all thy Life, and be pointed at for a 
Tony : Bdc you fliall be able to deal with her yet the 
Common way j thou fhalc make falfe Love to fomo 
Lawyer's Daughter, whofe Father, upon the hopes of 
thy marrying her, (hall lend thee Money and Law^ to 
preferve thy £ftate and Trees : And thy Mother is fo 
ugly, no Body will have her, if fhe cannot cue down 
thy Trees. 

Jtrr. Nay, if I had but any Body to fland by me, I 
am asftomachftil as another. 

F\ree. That will I, I'll not fee any hopeful young 
Gentleman abus'd. 

Boy. By any but your felf [ JJiJr. 

fen. The Truth on't is, mine's as arrant a Widow- 
Mother to her poor Child, as any's mEn^ani: Shft' 
won't fo much as let one have Sixpence in one's Poc- ' 
kcttofee a Moiion, or the Dancing of the Ropes, 
or 

Vrtt. Come, you flian't want Money, there's Gold 
for you. 

Jar. O Lord, Sir, two Guineas ! D'ye lend me 
this.' Is there no Trick in't? Well, Sir, I'll give you 
my Bond for Security. 

Fret. No, no, thou haft given me thy Face for Se- 
cnrity : Any Body wou'd fwear thou doft not look 
like a Cheat. You (hail have what you will of me ; 
and if your Mother will not be kinder to you, come 
to me, who will 



Ci The Flai/fDea/er. 

Jerr. By my Fa-- he's a curious fine Gentle^ 

man I \_Afidem 

But, will you (land by one ? 

Fret. If you can be refolute. 

Jen. Can be refolv'd ! Gad, if flic gives me but a 
crofs Word, I'll leave her to Night, and come to you. 
But, now I have got Money, I'll go to Jack of aU 
Trades, at t'other end of th? Hall, and buy the neateft, 
pureft things r- 

Frte. And rU follow the great- Boy, and my Blow 
at his Mother : Steal away the Calf, and the Cow 
will follow you. [ Exit Jerry followed hy Freeman. 

Enta-f m the ot^er fide, Manly^ Widow Blaclcacre, 
and Oldfox. 

Man. Damn your Caufe, can't you lofe it without 
me i which you are like enough to do, if it be as you 
fay, 3(1 honell one : I will fuffer no longer for't. 

tf^td. Nay, Captain, I tell you, you are my prime 
'Witnefs, and the Caufe is jun; now coming on, Mr. 
^litcauft tells me. Lord, mechinks you fbou'd take a 
Pleafure in walking here, as half vou fee now do ; 
for they have no Bufinefs here, J aflure you. 
. Man. Yes, but I'll aifure you then, their Bufinefs 
is to perfecute me j but d'ye think I'll flay any longer, 
to have a Rogue, becaufe he knowsmy Name, pluck- 
trie afide, and whifper a News-Book fecret to me with 
a ilinking Breath i A Second come fiiping angry from 
the Court, and fputter in my Face his tedious Com- 
plaints againfl it? A Third Law-Coxcomb, becaufe 
he faw me once at a Reader's Dinner,'come and put 
me 3 long Law-Cafe, to make a Difcpvery of his in- 
defatigabte Dulnefs, and my weary'd Patience ? A 
Fourth, a mofl barbarous civil Rogue, who will keep 
a Man half an Hour in the Crowd with a bow'd Bo- ' 
dy, and a Hat off, aifting the reform'd Sign of the 
Salutation Tavern, to hear his bountiful Proieflibns of 
Service and Friend/Lip j whiift he cares not if I were 
damn'd, and I am wifliing him hang'd out of my 
way J I'd as foon run the Gantlet, as walk t'other 
Turn. EnttT 



The Plain-Dealer, (jj 

En'm t$ thtm Jeny Blackacre withtut Ut Bagt ; hit Uin 
•m%h Trhuketjf wincb be tndtavouri te bi£from bis ftft- 
tbir} Mdfdlnt^^d at a difiaice hy Freeman. 

Wid. p, are you come. Sir ? But where have yon 
beea, yoa Afs ? And how came yon thas I^den i 

Jerr. Look here, forfboth. Mother, now here's 4 
pack, here's 3 Boar-cat, and here's an Owl. 

£ Making a Noiji with Cat-ealltg 
and ctbae fucb like Itifinautnts, 

Wtd. Yes, there is an Owl, Sir. 

Old. He's an ungracious Bird indeed. 

Wid. But go, thou Trangame, and carry baek 
thofe Trangames, which thoa haft ftol'n or purloin'd; 
for no Body won'd truftaMinor in Wtfiwinfitr-HaU, 
fare. 

Jerr. Hold your felf contented, for&oth, I have 
ttiefe Commodities by a fair Bargain and Sale ; and 
there ftands my Wicnefs, and Oeditor. 

WU. How's that! What, Sir, d'ye think to get the 
Mother', by giving the Child a Rattle? But where are. 
my Bags, my Writing, youRafcal? 

Jtrr. O I^wl where are they indeed ? {Jfidt'. 

Wid. How, Sirrah? fpeak, cotae 

Man, You can tell her, Frtman^ I fuppofe. 

\_JfaTtlobiMu 

Frte, "Ik true, I tpade one of your Salt-water 
Sharks fleal 'em, whilfi he was eagerly chu/ing his 
Commodities, as he calls '£m, in order to my Deliga 
Dpoti his Mother. C ^fort to him. 

md. Won't yon (peak? "Where were you, I fay, 
you Son of a^— an unfortunate Woman i O, Major, 
I'm nndoQe ; th^ are all that concern my Eftate, my 
Joinnire , my Husband's Deed of Gift , my Evi- 
dences fpt all ray Suits now depending I What will 
becptne of them r 

frttt Yoa, glad tp hear this. [ Jfide, 

The/II'bealtfafe, 1 warrant yon, M^dam. 



(54 7%e Plain-Deahf. 

■ Wii. O where? where? Come, you ViUaiOj along 
with me> and &i&w me where. 

[ Exeunt Widow, Jerry, Oldfox. 
MMtut Manly, Freeman. 

Man. Then haft taken the right way to get a Wi- 
dow, by making her great Boy rebel ; for, when no— 
riling will make a Widow marry, fte'U do't to cro£s 
her Children. But canft tboa. in eamefl marry this 
Harpy, this Volume of ftriyel'd blor'd Parchments 
and taw, thk Attorney's Desk? 

Free. Ay,' ay, I'll marry and live honeftly : that is, 
gire my Creditors, not her, due Benevolence, pay 
my Debts. 

Man, Thy Creditors, you fee, are not fo barba- 
rous, as to pat thee in Prifon, and wilt thon commie 
thy felf to a noifom Dungeon for thy Life ? which 
is the only Satisfadion thou canlt gjve thy Creditors 
hy this Match. 

Free. Why, is not fhe rich ? 
' Mart. Ay, but he that marries a Widow for her Mo-, 
ney, will find himfelf as much iniftaken, as the Wi- 
dow that marries a young Fellow for due Benevolence, 
asyoucall it. 

Free. Why, d'ye think I Ih^n't defcrve Wages ? I'll 
druge faithfully. 

- Man. I tell thee again, he that is the Slave in the 
Mine, has the leaft Propriety in the Ore : Yon may 
dig, and dig, but if thou wgiildfl: have her MOtiey, 
rather get to be her Truftee, than her Husband i for 
a true Widow will make over her Eftate to any Body, 
and cheat her felf, rather than be cheated by her Chil- 
dren, or a fecond Husband. 

Enter to riiw Jerry, naming in a Flight. 

Jtrr. O Law! I'm undone, I'm undone, my Mo- 
ther will kill me: You faid you'd ftand by one. 

Free. So I will, my brave 'Squire, t warrant thee. 

■'^trr. Ay, but I dare not nay 'till flie comfii, for 
flie s as furious, now flie has loft her Writings, as a 
Bjtch when flie has loft her Puppies. 

- Mrm. The Comparifon's handfom ! 

o- >r. 



the PUfn-DeaUr, tfy 

jFtrr. O, (he's here ! 

Emttr fFidow Blackacre and Oldfoz. 

Frtt. [ To the Sailer. [ Take him, Jack, and make 
hafie with him to your Maker's Lodging ; and be 
fure you keep him ap till I come. lEx. Jerr. snJ SaiUr. 

Wid. O my deat Writings ! Where'i thu Heathei* 
Rogaej my Minor. 

Frit. Gone to drown or hang himfelf. 

md. No, I know him too well, he'll ne'er bp FtU 
it ft that way; bm he may go and chufe a Goardiaa 
of his own Head, and fo be Felo da fit hitu, for hs 
has not yet chofen one. 

B-ee. Say you To? And he flian't wine one. C^y&JIr.'. 

f^ui. Batj now I think on't, 'tis you. Sir, have pnt 
this Cheat upon me j for there is a Saying, Tait held 
af s Msid hj her Smocky and s Widow hj bcr Writinftf md 
tbej eawm^jrem jau : But 1'!] play &{t and loole with 
yoD yet, U there be Law j and my Minor and Wri- 
tings are not forth-coming, I'll bring my Aiftion of 
Detinue or Trover. But nrft I'll try to ^nd out this 
Guardianlefs, graceleG Villain. Will you jge, Major i 

Man. If you have loft your Evidence, I hope yont : 
Caufes cannot go on, and I may be gone i 

Wid. O no, flay but a making Water while, ( as 
I one may fay } and I'll be with you again. 

lExit Widow andOXiSox. 
Manet Manly and Freeman. 

I\nt. Well, fare I am the firft Man that ever began 
a Lore Intrigue in Wefimnjier-Hall. 

Man. No, fnre j for the Love to a Widow general- 
I ly beons here : And as the Widow's Caufe goes againft 
the Heir or Executors, the Jointure Rivals commence 
iheir Soitto the Widow. 

Aw. Well, bat how^ pray, have you paft your 
I time here, fmce I was forc'd to leave yon alone i Yon 
have had a great deal of Patience. 

Man. Is this a Place te be alone, or have Patience 
in i But I have had Patience indeed ; for I have drawn 
upon me. Once I came, but three Qparreis^ and iifcr^ 

laW'Suits. 

Frtt, 



, tJiS 716* PUithVeakr'. 

Free, tiny, fakh^ you are coo ctilft to be lee loofe 
in the World ; you feou'd be tied up again in your 
Sea-kennelj call'd a Ship. But how con d you quar- 
rel here. 

. Man. How cotfd I refrsdn ? A Lawyer talk'd ptremp-^ 
lOrily and faucily to me, and as good as gave me the 
Lye. 

Free. They do it fo often to one another at the Bar,' 
that they make no Bones on't elfewhere. 

Man. Howerer, I gave htm a Caff on the Ear ; 
Mfberenpon he jogs two Men, whofe Backs were 
tnrn'd to us, ( for they were reading at a Bookfellers) 
to witnefs Ifh-ack him fitting the Courts j which Of- 
fice they fo readily promis'd, that I call'd 'em Rafcals, 
and Knights of the Poll : One of 'em prefcntly calls 
two other abfent Witneffes, who were coming co- 
wards US at a diitance j whilft the other, with a whi- 
fper, defires to know my Name, that he might have 
Satisfadion by way of Challenge, as t'other by way 
of Writ ; but if it Were not hither to dired his Bro- 
ther's Writ, than his own Challenge : There you fee 
H <ait of my Quarrels,- and two of my Law-Suits. 

Free. So:-- — -and the other two ? 

Man. For advifing a Poet to leave oiF Writing and 
turn Lawyer, becauTe he is dull, and impudent, and 
fays or writes nothing now but by Precedent. 

Free. And the third Quarrd.? 

Man. For giving more fincefe Advice, to a hand- 
fom, well-drell, young Fellow ( who ask'd it t6a) nflc 
to marry a Wench, that he lov'd, and I had lain with. 

Free. Nay, if you will be giving ydur fincere Ad- 
vice to Lovers and Poets, you will not fail of Quar- 
rels. 

Man. Or if I flay in this Place ,* for I fee inore 
Quarrels crovvditig upon nte : Let's be gone and a- 
Toid *em. 

EM$ir Novel, at s Dlpmeet coming tewards thtm. 
A Plague on fnm, that Sneer u ominoas to ns, he 
is ccmung upon us, and we fhall not be rid of him. 



^ the PlahDeaier. 67 

tftv. Dear Bally, don't look fo grntn upon me,' 

2 on told me jafl now, yon bad forgiTen me a UctlA 
armlet Raillery upon wooden Legs lafl Ntghr. 

Mm, Yesj yes, pray be gone, I am talking of BgH 
linefs. 

tf«v. Can't I hear it ? I love thee, and will be 
faithfaj, and always- ■ 

Mori. Impertinent ! 'tis fiuiinefs that concerns fVn^ 
mim only. 

Jfyv. Well) I love Fi^eemm too, and wou'd not dl^ 
vulge his Secret: Prithee fpeak, prithee I muft— — 

AUn. Prithee let me be rid of thee, I muft be rid 
of thee. 

Nov. Faith, thou canft hardly, I love thee fbi 
Come, I muft know the Bufinefs. 

Man. So, I have it now. (^JfiJt^ 

Why, if you needs will know Jt, he has a Quarrel, 
and his Adverfary bids him bring two Friends with 
him : Kow I am one, and ■ we are thinking who 
we (ball have for a Third. 

Several crejjhig the Stage. 

Ntv. A pox, there goes a Fellow owes me an hundred 
Poand, and goes out of Town to morrow : I'll fpeak 
with him, and come to you prefently ^Exir Novel. 

Man. No but you won't. 

Fr«. You are dextronfly rid of him. 
Enttr OWfox. 

Man. To what purpofe, lince here comes anorfier,' 
as impertinent : I know, by his Grin, he is bound 
hither. 

Old. Your Servant, worthy, noble Captain : Veil,' 
I have lefc the Widow, becaufe Oie carry'd me from 
your Company ; for faith, Captain, I muft needs 
tell thee, chou art the only Officer in England, who 
was not an EJ^hil-OSiccr, that I care for. 

Man. I'm (orry for't. 

Old. Why, won'dft thou have me love chem I 

Man. Any Body, rather thaa me. 

Old. What, you are modeft, I fee, therefore coo^ 
I love thee. 



68 the Pfatn-Dsaler: 

Man. No, I am not modeft, bnc love to brdg my fel^' 
and can't p^ciently hear you fight over the laft Civil 
Warj therefore go look out the Fellow I faw juft 
aow here, that walks with hb Sword and Stockings 
om at Heels, and let him tell yon the Hiftory of thac 
. Sc4r on his Cheek, to giveyoa occafion to (hew yours, 
got in the Field at BUamihuryy not that niEiihil : Go 
to him, poor Fellow, he is fafling, and has not. yet 
the Happinefs this Morning to flink of Brandy and 
Tobacco j go, give him lome xxs hear yon^ I ath 
buiie. 

OU. Well, i'gad, I love dice, now. Boy, for thy 
Surlinefs j thou art no tame Captain, I fee, that will 
faifer . 

Mm. An old For. 

OIL All thac fban't make me angry : I confidei thac 
thou are peevifh, and fretting : at lome ill Snccefs at 
Law. Prithee tell me what ill Lack you have mec 
%nth here. 

Man. You. 

OU. Do I look like the PiAore of ill Luck } Gad- 
fnonns 1 love thee more and more j and ihatl I tell 
thee what made me love thee firA. 

MAn. Do : that 1 may be rid of that dama'd Qna>- 
lity, and thee. 

OU. 'Twas thy wearing that broad Sword there. 

Man. Here, Vruman, lot's change : I'll never wear 
it more. 

OU. How I You won't fare. Prithee don't look 
like one of our Holy-day Captains now a-days, with 
a Bodkin by your iide, yoa Martinet Rogues. 

Mm. (O, then there's hopes.) \AjUt. 

What, d'ye find fault with Martinet? Let me ten you. 
Sir, 'tis the beft Exercife in the World j the moft rea- 
dy,, moil esfie, moft graceful Exercife that ever was 
us'd, and the moft 

OU. Nay, nay. Sir, no more. Sir, yoar Servant^ 
if you praifc Martinet once, 1 have done with you. 
Sir. Martinet \ Martinet ! ■ [ Knit Oldfox. 



"^ . fie Plah'Dealer. 69 

: Ffv. Najr, yoa hsve made him tears yon as wil- 
UQgly> as ever-he did an Enemy ^ for he was truly fof 
^e K^g and Parliataonc : for the Parliament, in their 
tjRi and for the King, incheatii^ 'em of their Pay, 
and never hurting the King's Party in the Field. 
EMer 4 JUvjtr towards tbtm. . 

AUm. A PoK I this way^ hen's a Lawyer I know 
tbr^^tiung as with another greeting. 
, Law, Mr, Sir, your very Servant, I was afraid you 
had forgotten me. 

iiLm, I was not .afraid you had forgotten ine. 

taW' Ko, Sir, we Lawyers have pr^ty good Me- 
Inorics. 

Aiin. Yon ought to hav6 by your Wits. . 

I^a»». O, yod are a merry GentleoDan, Sir • I re- 
member ybu were merry, when X was laft in your 
Company. 

AUn. I was nevtr merry in thy CoAipaay,Mr.Law- 
yetj fure. 

Law. Why , I'm |are yoa jolfd upon me, and 
Ilunkni'd ^9 ^ Night loiijg. 

Aifn. ^%3fa,v^^ I prithee what barbarous Law terni 
is that i* . , 

Latif' Shtaqming ! Why, doii't you Know that ? 'tis 
all our way of Wit, Sir. 

Man. I am glad I do not know it then ! Shammlpg I 
What does he meahby't, Fntmait ? 

Fret. Shamming, iscelU^gyon aainfipid-duULye« 
with a dujt Face, which {h^% Wag the Aikhpr ooly;- 
laqghs » t^oafelf i aiid m^t^ng tuittfelf believe 'tis a 
go^ Je^* Pints ^ Sham «^y upon t^nielf. ... 

J^. So, yow Lawyers Jefi, I find, Hfile his Pra- 
t&x, has tttore Knavery than Wit in'ic. I Ihon'd oiak* 
tfa$ worft St^iomer in E^lmd \ I hiuft always detU 
iogenioiiOy, as well with you, Mr. Lawyer, and ad* 
Tife ypu to t>e feen rather .i#iih Attorneys and Sotid- 
tors, than fuch FeHows as 1 to; they will tSredfo you^ 
Prs^ct fnor«. 

Law, No, ^, ^ont Company's an Hohoar to me. 

Mte. Noj faiA, go this way, there gp^ an At- 
f tonwfi 



70 The Flaiit- Dealer. 

torney, lea« m« for him j let it never be faid, a Law- 
yer's civility did him hurt. 

■Lew. No, worthy honour'd Sir, 111 not leave yon 
forany Aicorney, fure. 

Man. Unlefs he had aFee in his Hand. 
Law. Have-you any bufinefs here. Sir ? try me : 
I'd ferve you fooner than any Attorney breathing. - 

Man. Bufinefs So I have thought of a fure way.' 

■ - C^M-- 

Yes, faith, I have a little bufinefs. 

Law. Have you fo,' Sir, in what Court, Sir ? what 
is't. Sir ? tell me but how 1 may ferve you, and I'll 
do't. Sir, and take it for as great an honour- ■ ■ 

Man. Faith, 'tis for a poor Orphan of a Sea-Officer 
of mine, that has no Money ; but if it cou'd be fol- 
low'd in Ftrma Pauperis, and when the Legacy's reco- 
vered ■ 1 

Law. Fortifa Pauperis, Sir I ' 
Man. Ay, Sir. 

Several creffittg the Stage. 
Law. Mr. Bumhlecafe, Mr. Bumblecaft, a Word vrith 
you ,• Siri I beg your Pardon at preicnt, 1 have a lit- 
tle bufinefs 

Man. WWch is not in Forma Pauperis. [Ex. Lawyer. 
Free. So, you have now found a way to be lid of 
People without quarrelling. 

Enter Alderman. 
Man. But here's a Gicy-Rogue will flick as hard 
upon us, as if I ow'd him Money. 

JU Captain, noble Sir, I am yours heartily, d'ye 
fee : .Why lliou'd you avoid your old Friends ? 

, MarU'Ani why ftiou'd you follow me ? I owe yoa 
nothing. 

Aid. Out of my hearty refpefls to you j for there 
isnot a Man in England- - • •^— 
'■ ;»*>». Thou wou'dft fave from hanging. With the 
eipence of a Shilling only. 

■ aU. Nay, nay, but Captain, you are like enough 
to tell me 

,\ , Man. 

-• D,l.z.:;,L.OOg[C 



TbtMaim- Dialer: 71 

Man. Truth, which you won't care ttfheaf ; tbere- 
fore yoD had better go talk with fome body elfe. 

Aid. No, I know no body can inform me bcttery- 
of iom^ yonng Wit, or Spendthrift, that has agood 
dipt Seat andjBflate in MiddUfex, HartforJJhire, Efftxi 
or Katty any of thefe won'd lerre my turn : now, if 
you knew of fuch an one, and wou'd but help ' 

Man. Yon CO finiHi his ruin. 

^. r&tthj you ihou'd have a fnip ■ ■ , 

Man. Of yout Nole, you thirty in the hundred, 
^arcal ; won'd you jaakt me your Squire Seetir, your 
Bawd for Mannon i tTths Urn h thi Nifii 

Aid. Oh i 

Tree; Hold, or here will be your third Law-Suit. 

Aid. Ga^ precious, you he^oruig Peribo you, are 
yoQ wild i I meant you no hint* Sir ; I begin to chinfe > 
( as things go 3 Land-fecuricy befl, and hare, for a 
convenient Mortgage, fome ten, fifteen , cr twenty. 
tbonfand Pound by me. 

Man. Then go lay it out apon an Hof^tal, and . 
take a Mortgage of lleaven, according to your City- 
coftom ,- for you chink ^y laying out a Hccle Money, 
to hook in i;hac too hereafter ; do, J fay , and keep 
the Poor you've made by ' taking Forfeitures , that 
Heaven may not cake yours. . . 

Aid. No, to' keep the Cripples you make this War ; 
this War fpoils our Trade. 

Man. Damn your Trade, 'tis the better for'r. . 

Aid. Whatj will you fpeak.againft pur Trade? 

Man. And date yon fpeak againft the War, oof 
Trade? 

AU. Well, he may be a Convoy of Ships I aW 
ooncern'd in. \Jifide: 

Come, Captain^ I will have a fair coric^ndency 
with yon, fay what you will. 

Man. Then prithee be gone. « , ' . 

Aid. No, faith; priihee. Captain, letV go drink a. 
pifli of Lac*d Coffee, and talk of the Times: Come, 
ril treat you / nay, yon Ihalt go, .for I have no Bn- 
finefshere^ 

F a Mofu 



7* the tlam-DeaUr. 

AfiM, Bm I hare 

Aid. To iHCic ap a Man to give ^tt ft Dtiiiin- s 
CoRie^ ilt do thy baAh^ for the6. 

^&»; Fftlchj no^)r I think ofi't, fb yon May, ffsWell 
as any Man ; fbr'Usto pick up a Man> t%> bift bbuinl 
With me, to one who expeAs City-fecurtcy} fot— — 

-Aki: N«y^ then your Servant, Gaptaih, bikliiittli 
tntift be done. 

Mmh. Ay,ifttcanibtithairkyo^, Al^MjiatijWhh- 

^V. fittfihftfs, Sit, 1 fty, mujft tte diotae ; and Ae^e's 
an Officer of the Tresfary I have ^m Affiir ^rtt h ' ■■ ' 
[Several erojjhg the St^^. 
[Eicit Aldeimaa. 

M^. Ydtt fct A6W what the Mighty fri«ndftfpof 
the WorM !s t Wiat an tcreqa^nyj fftibreees, And 
pteAttfal Prbf^ffioBS Come to : yo« are no more co 
txlievd a profelfing Friend , thfin a tlrreatiiuig Ene- 
my j and as no Man hurts yott, that teJb you l)«1I 
do yoo a. MiTchtef, no Man, yoti fei , U your 5er< 
vaiTt who fkys he is fo. Wliy, the Devit, thto fliobM 
a Man be troubled with the fiflt-tery of Knavds, if hie 
b& not* Fool or Cofty j or with the fondntfi Of Fobb^ 
if lie be hoca Knftre or Cheat ? 

Free. Only for his pleafiiM ; ibr theVe is fotne in 
Uar^ng^VwISi and diCat>pdinti!ng Knaves^. 

Man. That's a Pleafure , I think , wou'd cofi yon 
too dear, ss tvell as marrying, your WIdotv; 4o ^if^ 
appoint her ^ tot, for my pgrt^ 1 have no pleaAire 
by 'etiii tp*ftt id ^efpifiog 'em, wherefee'or I ftneec 'em ; 
and then the Pleafure of hoping fo to be rid of *&a* 
But ndw my comfort is;, i am not wbrth a Shilli^ in 
the Vdrld» which all the World fhall knp*f, aftdth<Al 
I'm Tiire I'ftafl Tftv^ none of ^m come ^r rat. 

Fret. A very pretty comfort ^ whieh I titink ydn 
pay too dear for : Ba»is the tvi^ttt^ Pdahd>gone mice 
'ifte MdmSnfe > 

^an. To my Boats-Crew : wou'd yoa have 'the 
poor, hondft, bnwe Fellows *aot ? 

Riu Rather than yon, or I. 



The Vlain-Deahr, y> 

Mm. Why, aft then without Mone^ ? thon' who 
art a Friend to every Body i ' 

Frtt. I ventuKd my taft fttke upon the Sqalre, to 
nick tifm of his Metber ; and cannot help yon to a 
Dinner^ HXAsSk you will jgo dine with my Lord— — 

Man. No, no, the (jrdlnary is too dearer me, 
where Flattery (nad pay for oiy Dinner ; I un no 
Herald, or Poet. 

Free. We II go then to the Bl(hp[» 

Man. There you muft flatnr the old Philofbphy : I 
cannot renounce my Reafon for a Dii^ner. 

Fnt. Why then let's go to- your Aldenpans. 

Man. Hang him, Rogue ! that were not to Dine, 
for be makes you drunk with Lees of Sack before Din- 
ner, to take away your Stomach : and there yon muft 
call V&xry and Extortion, God's BleBings, or the Ho- 
oeft turning of the Penny ; hear him brag of the Lea- 
ther Breeches in which he trotted firft to Town ; and 
make a greater noifo with his Money in his Parlour, 
than his Caiheers do in his Copnting-^OD&, without 
hopes of bpnowing a Shilling. 

Free. Ay, a Poxon't, 'tis like dining wt^ ^C^eat 
Gamefters ; and when they fall to their common De& 
fnc, fee the heftps of Geld drawn on all hands, with- 
ont going to twelve. Let us go to my Lady GoeJl/s. 

Man. There te flatter her Looks, yon niufl rainake 
her Grand-ChiMrcn for her own; f>raifther Cook, 
that fhe may tiA at hiai, and feed her Dogs, not 
your felf. 

Bet. What d'ye iMnk of eadng with your Lawyer 
Chen i V 

jMm*. Eat with Mn ! Damn tiim ; to hear hifh eirf- 
^ey his^harovs Elequcnce in a Readfne ppbn the 
two and vhirEy ^dod Bits in a Shouldi^r of veal j and 
^forc'd jroarffclf to praite the cold Bribe-Pye^ chat 
IBtJn,and 4]rtnfc Law Fmek Wine, as rong^ and harQi 
as his Law Fnntb. A Pox on him, I'd rather J^im in 
the Temple-Rounds or Walks, wlrti the Knfa^ti with* 
out No&s, oribe Knights of the Poft; who are ho- 
nefler Fellows, and better Cotnpany. But let tishome^ 

. . / 



74 'J'^t Pla'ti* Theater. 

and try our Fortune ; for I'fl flay no longer here for 

your damn'dWidow. 

. Frte. Well, let us go home then j for I mnft go for 

iny damn'd Widow, and look after my new damn'd 

Chacge j three or four hundred Years ago, a Man 

might have din'd in this Hall. 

/i^JX. -But niyaij tbt Lawyer only herl it fed I 

And, Bullj-like, hj ^arrelt gets ba Bread. 

; ; , ' . Finis Aftns Tcrtii. 



; AGJ IV. SCENE I, 

Manly 'j Lo^gitigs. 
.. . , , £p/«r Manly rf»i Fidelia. 

*''*"TA7^"^'*^"®'*^"*^*^^^**"''*y^^'** haft thou 

V \ prevail'd ? fay. 
\ - fiV. As I cou'd wifti. Sir. 

Man.- So, I told thee what thou wert 6t for, anil 
thou wou'dft not believe me. Come, thank me. for 
fringing thee acquainted with thy Genius. Well, 
thou Jiatt mollified her Heart for me ? 
Ji^-.No, Sir, not fo, but what's better. 
Man. How } what's bcEter ! 
-. ^f'-.t^^iiS'rden your Heart againft her. . 

Man. Have a care. Sir, my Heart is too much iii 
earnpft to be fpfiled with^ and my defire> at height, 
and needs no delays to incite it ; what, yeiU .are too 
■g.ood a Pimp already, and know how to (indear plear 
fure; by with-hojding it i but learetjff your Pages 
Bawdy, honie tricks J %, andtellme, will Ibe be 
.jtind ?, , ' , 

i^,, Kinder than yon«>u'd wifli. Sir., 
Man. So then : wejU, p^ec, whtt fatd ftei . 
. £id. She laid . - , 



The. Plain -Dealer, 7 j 

Men. What ? thou'rt To tedious j fpeak comfort to 
me : what ? 
. BJ. That of all things you are her AverHon. 
Man. How.' 
. Fid. That (he wou'd fooner take a Bedfellow pat of 
aoHofpital, and Difeafes into her Arms, than you. 
Man. What? 

Fit/. That flje wou'd rather truft her Honour with 
9 diiTolute, debauch'd HeiSor J nay worfe, with a 
finical baffled Coward, all orer loathfom with affefla- 
tion of the fine Gencleman. 
Mam. What's all this you fay ? 
Fid. Nay, that my offers of your Low to her, were 
more offenlive, than when Parents wooe their Virgin- 
Daughters, to the enjoyment of Riches only j and 
that yon were, in all CircumAances, as naufeous to 
her as a Husband on compulsion. 

fidan. Hold ,- I understand you not. - - 
, . FU So, 'twill work I fee. \_Aftdt. 

Man. Did you not tell me— — 
Fid. She caU'd you ten thoufand Ruffians. 
Man. Hold, i lay. 

Fid. Brutes 

Man. Hold. 

Fid. Sea-Monfters • 

Mati. Damn your intelligence: hear me a little now. 
Fid. Nay, furly Coward, Ihe call'd yon too. 
Af*i», Won't you hold yet? hold, or 
Fid. Nay, Sir, pardon me ; [ cou'd not but tell yon 
flie had the bafenefs, the injuftice, to call you Cow- 
ard. Sir, Coward, Coward, Sir. - 
Man. Not yet — — 
Fid. I've done^ Coward, Sir. 
Man. pid not you fay Ihe was kinder than I cou'd 
wiffi her ? 

i^</..Yes, Sir. ■. 

Ma^. How then ? — ^ O — — ^ I underftand yoo 
now. ; At firfl (he appear'd in rage , and difdain, the 
trueit itgn oTa; icoming Woman j but at laft, you pre- 
vgil'ct it feens. did yon not ? 

■ F4 ...^Ji^ 



^6 The flah-pealtr. 

Ft J. YSSj-Sir. - ■ 

Man. So then, let's know that only ; come prit^e, 

withodt delays ; I'll kifs thee for that News bflf«c»e- 

hand. ■ - 

• FiJ. So ; tlie Kifs t'tn fute is welcome to me, wbat- 

foe'er the News will be to you. [^<&. 

^ Man. Come, fpeak, my dear Voluntier. 

■ FtJ. How welcome were that kiiid word teo » if it 
Were riot for anpther Womarts fake ! \.4fiJei 

■ Man. What^ won't you (peak ? you preVaiVd for mq» 
at Jaft, you fay ? 

Ftd. No, Sir. 

Man. No more of your fooling. Sir, it will not 
agree with rty impatience or temper. 
/ K<^. Then not to fo(rf you. Sir, I ipoka to her fot 
you, !)Bt prerail'd for my felf y flie won'd rtot bear 
me when Ifpoke in your behalf; but bid me fay what 
I won'd in my own , tho' fte gave me no occafien^ 
fte wis fo coming, and fo was kinder. Sir, than you 
cou'd wilh ; which \ was otlly afraid to let you know, 
without feme warning. ■ ■ 
: Man. How's this? Young Man, yon are of a lying 
• Age ; but I muft hear you out, andi f- - 

■ Fid. I wou'd not abuie you, and cannot wrong her 
by any report of her, (he is fo wicked. 

Man. How, wicked I had fto the impudence, at 
the fecOhd fight of you on^y — — 

FiJ- ImporfencCj Sir ! Oh, flitt has impndence e- 
ftough to put a Cotirt out trf Countenance, and de- 
bauch a Stews. 

■ Man. Why, what faid (he ? 

Ftd. Her tongue, Iconfcfs wasfltent; butherfpeak- 
ing Eyes gloted fuch things more immodeft, and lafd- 
vi«05,tban Ravifhers eta adt, or Women umiler a con- 
tinemeiit think. 

Man. I know there are thof^ whofe Eves refleift 
inore Obfcenity, than the Gfeffcs in Atcoyes; but 
ihere are others too who nfe a iittte Ait v^cheiir 
ioc^s; ro make 'cm feem mott bedotifitl, not jnbri! 
loving : which vain young FellbWs, flHs-y^fti; »* 
- ' ^ ■- ,v- apt 



71^ PUiih Dealer. fj 

ape to ipterpret in their own favoBr, and to the 
Lftdy's wrt>ng. ] 

TU. Seldonij Sir ; pray have yon a care of gloting 
Eyes; for he thaclores to gaze upon 'em, will find 
at laftj a tbonfand Foots and Cuck6Ids in ^m inJItead 

of Cx^fV/. 

Mm. Very well> Sir: but, what, you had only 
Eyf-kindnels froin Ol\vt» ? 

BJ. I tell you again. Sir, no Woman flicks there ; 
£}'e>-pit)intfes of Low they only keep ; nay, they are 
Contrafts which make yon fure of "em. In flrort. Sir, 
Ifae feeing me, nith fiiame and amazement dumb, un- 
idive, and refiftiefs, threw her twifling Arms about 
fay Neck, and finorher'd me with a thoufand taftele^ 
Kifies : teliere nie. Sir, they were fo to me. 

Man. Why did yon not avoid tm then ? 

Fid. I fenced with her eager Arms, as yon did with 
the Grapples of the Enemy s Fire-fiiip ; and ncffhing 
but tnrting 'em off, coo'd have fi-eed me. 

M/ian. Damn'd, damn'd Womati, that oou'd be fb 
folfe and infamons ! And damn'd, damn'd Heart tif 
mine, that cannot yet be ialfe, tho' fo infamons I 
Wliar eafie, tame, fuffering, trampled things does cliat 
littIe<Sod of talking Cowants make of us .' but 

fid. So ! it worlts, I find, as I expcded. [ jifidt. 

Mtn. fiat fbe wds falfe to -me before, jlie told me fo 
her felf, and yet 1 cou'd not quire bfclicve it ^ but fte 
was. So that her fecond fslfcnefs is a favour to me, 
not an injury, in revenging me upon tlie Man ^ae 
wrong'd me firft of her Love. Her Love ! — '—^ a 
Whores, a Witches Love ! — ^fint what, did fhe not 

kits well. Sir? Ito-fiire 1 tiionght her Lips but I 

imrft hot think of 'em more — ^but yet they are fijch 
I con'd -ftili kifs-— '-•grow to — ^and then tear off 
with my Teeth, grind *em into mammocks, and fpit 
'em into tier Cutitbld's Pace. 

■Fid. foorMan, ho* uhesfiehcis ! I havehirdly 
tbeHpartto give hifmfdmuth' pain, tho' withal Igive 
bim B Cure j and to my felf new Life. S,A^de^ 



j% The PUinDealer: 

. Af4i*.> But whatj hqr Kifies fure cou'dnot but warm 

you into Deftre at laft, or a compliance wi h hers at 

leaft? 

/i-/. Nay more, I confefs, :- 

Man, What more ^ fpeak. 

FW. All you cou'd fear had pafsM between us, if Z 
<^ou*d have been made to wrong you. Sir, in that 
nature. 

. Mm. Cou'd have bi^en made ! you lye, you did. 
.' Fii/, indeed. Sir, 'twas impofUble for me ; befides^ 
we were interrupted by avifit; but, I confefs, (he 
Wop'd not let roe ftir, till I prorais'd to return to her 
again within this Hour, as foon as ,it fhou'd be dark ; 
by which time fiie_wou'd djfpofe of her vifit, and her 
Servants^, and her felf, for my reception : which X 
was fain co promise to get from her. ' 
, .Mm. Ha ] . 

, Fid. But if ever I go near her agaiti, may you, 
Sirj think mea$-^l^e to you, as /be is j hate and r&- 
nounceme,. as yoii ought to do her, ^nd I hope will 
do now. 

Man. Well, but. now I think on't> you /ball keep 
your Word with your Lady. What, a young Fellow, 
and fail the firA, nay, fo tempting an adignation .' 
, Fid. How, Sir.*; 
'. - Mjn. I fay, yoii l^iallgo to her when 'tis darkj and 
iliallnot difappoint her. . 

,FiJ. Ij Sir ! I /hoo'd difappoint' her njore by go- 
ing, for ~ . ./ 

Man. How fb ? , . . , , 

, Fidrilsr ImpudencCj ,aiid Im'affice ip you, will 
pi3ke'me difappoint her Love : iQath-her. - . 
' . Mar'., Come, yoii have.my.leave j'apd if you diP 
gqT^. her,'; I'll go with yEoi^ md' 3^ iSqve\. whilft you 
fi]Slt.taIk it only. , . ,. -' ' .j " ' 

'"'Fill. You, Sir! nayVtben ni-nevef gonear'^er. 
YoU; ,^j^ Love»;SuI.;You muff biit 5« it 'ndeed, 
after airj have laidtQ.you. 'Thiqk'of your Honour, 
Sr^7);,oVe ■{*'''"■.. .' 1'. •-;;''.■ V-i .'.r^; 

>, ' Maih 



The Piah-Dealer. 79 

. Man. 'Q^ell, call k Revenge , and that Is honoura- 
ble : III be reveng'd on her j and thou flialt be my 
Second. 

fid. Not in a bafe afiion. Sir, when yoa are yoor 
own Enemy: Ogo, not near her. Sir, -for Heavens 
CikCj for yoor own, think not of it. 

Mam. How concern'd you are ! I thought I fbou'd 
catch yon. : What, yoa are my Rival at laC!, and are 
in LoYc with her your felf j and have fpofcen ill of 
her out of your love to her, not me j and therefore 
wou'd not have me go to her. 

Ft J. Heaven witnefs for me, 'tis becanfe I love yoif 
only, I won'd not hare yon go to her. 
' Afau, Come, come, the more I think on't, the more 
I'm fatisfied you do love her : thofe Kiffes, yoang 
Man, I knew were irrififtlble; 'tis certain. *' 

fid. There is nothing certain in the World, Sir, bac 
ny Truth, and your Coui-age. 

Man. Your Servant, Sir. Befides^lle, and nn- 
grateful, as fhe has been to me ; and tho' I may be- 
lieve hcf hatred to me, great as you report it ; yec 
I cannot think you are lo foon, and at that rate, be- 
lov'd by her, tho' you may endeavour it. 
- Fid. Nay, if that be all, and you doubt it fiill. 
Sir, I will condufS you to her ; and unfcen, your 
Ears Aiall judge of her falfenefs, and my truth to 
you, if that will fatisfie you. 

Man. Yes, there is fome fatisfaiflion in being quite 
out of doubt : becaufe 'tis that alone withholds us 
from the pleafure of Revenge. ' 

Fid. Revenge ! What Revenge can yon have. Sir ? 
Difdain is beu reveng'd by fcorn ,- and faithlefs Love, 
by loving another, and making'her happy with the 

othen lofiogs ; which, if I might advife : 

E«w Freeman'. ■ .-r. 

JW««. Not a-Wbrd more, '/■''■ '■ ' 

f4*e: What, are you talking of Love yet, Captjin? 
Ilhoi^ht yoiihad'done with'r.' '''''[.,'" ' ' ' • ' 

Hm. Wby, what did yot( hear m^ fay ? 

ffte. Soitae4i}ng impetfe^y of Love^ -l chink. ' ' 



8o The Plain-I>cakT. 

Mm. X was only wondring why Fools, RafcaU, 
and derenlefs Wretches, (hon'ij ftill h«vQ tbf better of 
Men of Merit with all Women ; as much as witbtheic 
, own ccmmon Miftjrefs, Fortune ! 

Frte. Becaofe moft Women, like Fwtnne are 
blind, feem to do all things in jeft, and talie plcafure 
ki extravagant adions { their Love delerves neither 
thanics, or blame, for they cannot help it '. 'tis all ftai- 
pathy ; therefore the noine, the finiol, the talkative, 
the cowardly, and efieminate, have thebdttcr of [h« 
brave, the reafbnable, and Man of Honoor; for they 
have no more reafon in their love^ or kradnefs, than 
Fortune her felf. 

A^x. Yes, they have their Retfbn. Flrt>, HoooTir 
in a Man they fear too nuich to love ; and Senfe in a 
lover, upbraids their wmt itf it ; and they hau any 
thiog that dilturbs their Rdmii:ation of them£ilvc$ ; but 
they are of chat vain number, who had rather Huw 
their &ire geaerolicy, in giving away profuftly to 
wcTthlefs Flatterers, than in paying )Qtt Debts, And 
in fhortt all Women, like Fortune, { as yoa &y ) and 
Rewards, are loft, by too much meriting. 

Fid. All Women, Sir I fure there are (bme, who have 
no other quarrel to a lovers merits biit t\m it begets 
their derpair of him. 

, Mitt.- ThQu arc young enough to he CKduloiu; but 
we- - ■ ■ 

"Bnttr I Sailor. 

I Sail. Here are now below, the fi»>lding, daj^iei! 
Gentlewoman, aiod that Ma^ Qid - — ol d -'■ — Fop I 
thkik yoa call him, 

Frte. Oldest, prithee bid '<iii<cQme ap, wiife your 
leave, Captain, for now J c^n talk wich^r-up^n <th« 
fquare,* If I fhall not diQurb you. 

Man. No - for I'll be gone. Come, V-pl^Dceei; 

Avf. Nay, pray ftpy ; the Scene between m will not 
be To tedious to yon as you think: l^ides* yiMj AflW 
fee, how Irigg'd my Squjireour, fvj^ the namm of 
my Jhif*iacK?r War4Eo5ei Misun^ftrjOBfj&tf-vWrt- 



7><f PfahDeakri 8f 

ifCimiht's ba^dsj and by this time dreft, and will b« 
wonh your feeing. Stay> and I'll fetch my Fcwrf. 

MiM. No ,* yo& know I cannot «a[ily ku£h : beAdes, 
my VolttiKesr uid Ihave bofineri abroad. [Ex-Muily, 
Fidelia m »»^f Ftee^ian m t'ethir. 
Bittr Major OMfox ai.!/ ffi£)w Blackacre. 

mj. What, no body here ! Did oot tbe Fellow fay 
he w wiiAui ? 

OU Yes^ Lady j and be aiay be perhaps a HttJa 
bufie at preitenc $ but, if yoB tMok the time lone till 
he come^ {^UrfeUittg Pafcri2 I'll tead you here fomq 
of tfac fmics of my leUurej the overilowii^ of my 
Faoc^ and Pko. (To v^bo tne right, Ibe muft know 
my pans; l4fide» 

Come - ' ■■ ■ 

H^. No, no; t bare reading Work enouf^ of my 
own, in my Bag. I thank yea. 

oCl it Law, Ut^stfti { but here's a Poem, hi tdonk 
Verfe, which I think a handfom declaraiioa of one's 
FaiEoli. 

fFiJ. O t if yoa udk «f Dsclaratiom, 1*11 fliew yon 
Mie of ^ pt^tieft pen'd things, which I mended 
too toy lelf, yoQ muft know, v 

OU. Nay, X^y, if you have nfbd yow fetf fo muck 
to thereiang harALaw.that yoa hate fmooth Poetry^ 
here is a Charader for you, of—— 

mJ. A Charader 1 Nay, then I'll fiiew yon my Bill 
in Chmcerjf here, that ^ives you fnch a CharaAer of 
w^ Mndzry, makes him as black* 

OU, P/baw i awayi away, Lady. Bat if you think 
the ChafliAcr too long, here is an Epigram, not abore 
tMmty Uoei, upon a cruel Ijidy ; who Decreed her 
Serraoc Ibou'd hang himfelf, to demonftcate his 
Paffioa. 

HtJ. Decreed ! if yoa talk of Decreeing, I have 
fscfa a Decree here^ drawn by the fiocft Clerk—— 

OU. O Lady, Lady, all intcrroption, and no fenft 

bnweca ni, m if we were Lawyers at the Bar ! But I 

had Scagoc^ AfoBt and Idttieim never lodg in a hea4 

together. 



gx ' The PlaiM-DealtK'^ 

together. ' If yon hate Verfes, Tli giveyoiia caftof 
my politicks in Profe : 'tis a Letter to a Friend In thtif 
Country ,- which is now the way of all fuch fober, 
Iblid Perfons as my felf, when they have a mind tC 
pabHIh theirdifguft to the Times; tho' perhaps, be- 
tween you and 1, they have no Ftieod in ihe Coun- 
try. And fare a Politick, ferious Perfon may as well 
have a feigtf'd Friend in the Country to write to, as 
well as an idle Poet a feign'd Miftrefs to write to. hnd 
fo here's my Letter to a Friend, ot no Friend, in the 
Country, concerning the late ConjuntSure of Afiairs^- 
in relation to Cofee~hoHfes : or The Coffee-mans Cafe. 
■' ffiJ. Nay, if your Letter have a Cafe in't, 'tis fothe- 
thing ; but fiiit 111 read you a Letter of mine, to i 
Friend in the Country, call'd a Letter of Attorney. 

Eattr to them Freeman and Jerty Blackacre, i» «a 

old gaudy Suit^ attdredBrtecbetofFKetnan't. 

did. What, interruption ftill ? O the plague of in- 
terruption I worfe to an Author, than the plague of 
Criticks I - l^^e^ 

Wid. What's this I fee, Jerry Blaekacrt^ my Minor, 
in red Breeches! What, haft thou left the modeft 
reemly Garb of Gown and Cap, for this? And hav& 
I loft all iny good Inm of Chancery breeding upon 
fhee then ? And thoa wilt go a breeding thy lelf from' 
our Inn of Chancery and Wefiminfitr~liaUy at Coffee- 
houfes, and Ordinaries, Play-houfet, Tennis courts, 
and Bawdy houfes i 

Jerr. Ay, ay, what then ? perhaps I will j but what's 
that to you i here's my Guaniian and Tutor noWj' for- 
footh, that I am out of' your Huckfters hands. ' 

Wii. How i thou han not chofen him for thy 
Guardian yet? 

Jtrr. No, but be has chofen me for his Charge^ 
and that's all one-; and I'll do any thing he^ll have 
me, and go all the World over with him ; to Ordi- 
naries, and Bawdy-houfcs! or any where elfe. 

Wid.To Ordinaries and Bawdy- houfes! have a care. 
Minor, thou wilt infeeble there thy Eftaie and Body ? 

do 



The Plain-beater. ti 

do noe go to Ordinaries and Bawcfy>honre% good 

Jen, Why, how come yon to know any ill by 
Bawdy-bonJes i You never had any hurt by 'em, had 
yoD, ibrfooth^ Pray hold your ftlf contented j if I 
do go where Money and Wenches are to be had, you 
may thank your felf ; for you us'd me fo unnaturally, 
you wou'd never let me have a Penny to gjy abroad 
with : nor fo much a$ come near the Garret where 
yonr Maidens lay; nay, yoa wou'd not fo much as 
let me play atHotcockles wich 'em^ nor have any Ro< 
creation with 'em, tho* one fbou'd have kifs'd you be- 
hind, yon were To unnatural a Mother^ fo you were. 

Fret. Ay, a very unnatural Mother, faith. Squire. 

Wii, But, yerry^ conHcler thou art yet buta Minorj 
however, if thou wilt go home with me again, and 
be a good Child, thou ftialt fee -- ' 

Frtt. Madam, I muft have a better care of iny Heir 
under Age, than To ; I wou'd fooner trull him alone 
with a ftale Waiting woman and a Parfon, than with' 
his Widow-Mother and her Lover or Lawyer. 

fVid. Why thoti Villain, part Mother and Minor ! 
Rob me of my Child and my Writings! but thoa 
ihalc find there's Law ; and as in the Cafe of Ravilh- 
ment of Guard Wefiminlier the Second. 

Old. Young Gentleman, Squire, pray be rul'd by 
yonr Mother, and your Friends. 

Jtn. Yes, ill be rul'd by my Friends, therefore 
not by my Mother, fo I won't : I'll choole him for- 
my Guardian till I am of Age j nay, may be for as 
long as I live. 

Wid. Wilt thou fo, thou Wretch? And when thou'rt 
of Age, thoii wilt Sign, Seal and Deliver too, wilt 
thoul 

Jtrr. Yes marry will I, if you go there too. 

Wid. O do not fqueeze wax. Son j rather go to Or- 
dinaries, andBawdy-houfes, than fqueeze vizts,'. if thon' 
doft that, farewell the goodly Mannor of Bhekacre, 
with all its Woods, Underwoods, and Appuitenances- 
whatever. Oh, oh^ [ifttfj. 

Fret. 



84 The PlaufDealef. 

. fr*e.^n», Madamj inihwt, you f^e t ^m re* 
toWi CO hsve a Share in the Eftate, yours or your 
Son's i if I cannoc g«t you, I'll ke«p him who U lefS 
coy you fiod ; but, H you wou'd hRTe your Soq o*' 
gain, youmuil take me toa Peace, orWaJt? hvr^i 
or Law ? You fee my HoQage u m my Hwd : Vta in 
Pofleffion. 

. ^ WtJ, Nay, if Ofie of us muft be ruto'd, «'en tec it 
be bin. By my Body^ a good one < Pid you «!ver 
^ow yet a Widow marry or not marry fof tfae &kB 
of her Child ? I'd hare you to know. Sir, I Aiall bd 
hacd enough for you both yet, without marrying you i 
if Jtrr^ woo't be rui'd by rac, what &y yoWj BPt*y, 
wiU you be ruI'd i Tpcafc. 

Jtrr. Let one alone, can'c you ? 

Jfid. Wik thouehuf* him for Quardtan, whom I 
refufe for Husband } 

JfTT. Ay, to chufe, I thank you. 

mi. And A-e all my hopes £nillrated ? SbaU I m^ 
vef hear thee pat Cafes agun to Jekn the Bntlcr> ot 
ourVic;jir? Never fee thee amble the Or^rit with 
the Judges j aad hear thee, inourTowa^HsHj lAiKbsr 
than the Cryer ? 

J^r. No ; for I bav-e takeo my Leave of Lawyer- 
ing, and Petcifoggic^ 

Ifid. Pettifogging I Thou prophane Villain, haf^ 
thou fo i Petii^ggmgl'— then yoq Ihallcahe yMir 
Leave of me, and your Eflate coo ; thpu Sai\.t be an 
Alien to me and it for ever. Pextifog^ng ! 

J^m O, bw if you go tbew too, MotlMr,. we 
have the Deeds and Settlements, I thank y&n : Won'd 
you'dheat me of my Eftate, i'fac i 

WiJ. iio, so, I will not cheat your link Bsfttber 
£11^ i for thou wert not born in Wedlock. 

iT». How's that? 

Jtrr. How i Whar Q!a«iic has ibe goc iot Iiw Head 
n»w? 

mJ. I fay, thon ca^ nor> Jhalt not inbedt thu 
JUwi«m'» EOate. 

Jtrr. 

■D3Nz^:;,C.OOg|i: 



the Plain-Dealer. 85 

Jm. Why ? w*y, forfboth ? What d'ye moaiii if 
yoB go there too ? 

1^ Thoa art but my bare Child ; and according 
ha the Law, eanft not inherit it: nay, thoa art no^ 
to moch as Baftard eigne. 

■Jtrr. ihiat, what, Am 1 then the Son of a Whore^ 
Xfocher? 

UU. iTie Law feys— — *■ 

Aw. Madatn, we know vHtizt the Law fh^s / 
but bare a care wtelt you lay : po not let yonr ViU 
fion, to rnin your Son, ruin your Reputation. 

P^. Haiw Repacadon, Sir, am not I a Widow ? 
Have no Iniband, nor intend to hare any? Nor 
won'dyoii, Ifnppofe, now have toe for a Wife. So, 
I think now I'm revenged on Bfiy SoA Aid yott, with- 
one marrying, as I told you. 

Fret. But confider. Madam- 

Jen, Whflty have yon no Sbanie teft in you Mo- 
ther? 

mi. Wonder hot A it, Majot, 't'u often the poot 
preft Widow's Cafe, to give up her Honour to fave 
bcriointare J flndfeem 10 be a tight Woman, ratBer 
than marry: Aifome young Men, thy fay, pretend^ 
10 have the hichy jDKeafe, and' tofe then: Ciedh with 
noft Wetiiea^: to avokl rtie In^orraoities of fome. 

[ Afidt to OldfoA 

Siti. Bat one word with you, Madam. 

WU. Noj no. Sir. Come, Major, let us make 
haAe now to the Prerogative Court. 

Old. But, Lady, if what yoa fay be tnie, will you 
ffigmatize yont lieMcaiiDft on Hecord?' And, u li 
be not viBe,^ how will you prove it ? 

WiJ, Pffaaw.' I can prove any thing; and for 
rof Reputation, hnow. Major, x who Woman mil 
ralne her Reputation, in dtf-inheriiing a 
Son (rf a good Eflate j ^lan Ihe won'^ ir. 
faint, to inherit an Eftate. 

[£M.Wid.Mi01dfox. 



06 The Plain-Dealer. 

Fret. Madam we mnft not let he? go fb,' 

'Sqaire. 

Jar. Nay, the Devil can't flop hertho'if fhe has" 
amind to't. . But come, BuUy-Guardian, we'll go and; 
advife with three Attorneys, two Pro(9:ors, two Solici- 
tors, and a Qtrewd.Man of Whitt-Friars, neither At- 
torney, Protedor, or Solicitor, but as pure a Pimp. 
to the Law as any of 'em; and fure all they will.be 
hard enough for her, for I fear, Bally-Guardian^ 
ypu are too good a Joker to have any Law in your' 
Head. , 

Fret, Thou'rt in the right on't, 'Squire, I undcr- 
flandnol4aw: efpecially that againft Baftards, fmce! 
I'm fure the Cunom is againft that Law ; and more 
People get Eitates by being fo, than lolc 'em. 

[ Etttuat.. 

The Scene changes to Olivia'i Ijojging, 

EHter Lord Plaufible tfW£d7,3»r£ a CanMt. 

L. Plauf. Little Gerrtleman, your mofl; obedient,: 
faithful, humble Servant : Where^ I befeech you, is 
that divine Perfon, your Noble Lady ? " 

Bey. Gone out, my Lord; but commanded- ml! to. 
give you this Letter. 

\_Q'ivtthim*Lfttttr. 

£»fer *e iiw Novel. 

Ii. Ei«»/t, Which he muft not obferre; 

.\_j^ie. PHtfitijff.' 

Nov. Hey, Boy, whew is thy Lady ? 

Bey. Gone out, Sir j but I muft beg a word «ith 
you. ^Givtt him a: Lattr, and'Exit.: 

Nov. For me ? Soj {] Futt up the Lttttr. . 

Servant, Servant, my Lord ; you lee the Lady kocw, 
of your coming, foe ihe is gone our. 

L.PUi'f. 

D3l,z^:;,C.OOg|i: . 



Jht naiti-Dealer. Zy 

*-'L.-Phitf.Siri I humHy beleech yop noe.ro cenfure 
the Lady's good Breeding : She has fcafon to ufe 
more liberty wiih me, than v^'uh any other Man. 
. Uitv. How, Vioount, how ? . . 

L. Tlauf. Nay, I humbly befeech yon, be not 19 
Chokr ; whore there is moll Love, there may ba 
moft Freedom. /■ ■ -j . - , 

Nov. Nay, then 'tis ttme.tQ.cqin^.t^anfclercir- 
ment with.yoa, and to tell you, yoo muft think no 
more of this Lady's Love. .,■■'■■ 

L. TUuf. Why, noder CorreAion, dear Sit? 

Nov. There >Bre Reafons, Reafons, Vicount. 

L. PJauf. What, 1 befeech you, noble Sir ? . 

JVm;. 'Prithe«, prithee, be not impertinent, my 
Lord ; fome of you Lords are Cuch conceite.d, weU- 
affured, impertinent Rogues. , . 

L. Piduf. And you noble. Wits^ aie fo fi^U ofjfli^m? 
ming and droUiQg, one knows not where to hare you 
ferioufly. 

Nov. Well, yon Ihall ^d me in Bed with this L»^ 
dy,' oneof tbcfedays. 

•..■CFlauf, Nay, I befeech you, fpare.ihe Lady's Ho- 
nour; for her s and mine wiU be aill one fhortly. -, 
- Nov. Prithee, my I-ord, be not an Afs : Doft thou 
think to get her from me ? 1 have had fuch En- 
CQuragements -^ •■ -— ^ . . ; . - . 

L. TUuf. I have not. been choiighc unworthy of 'env 
■^ ^oy.'What, not like mine 1 Gome to anEclercif- 
ment, asj faid. 

L. TUuf. Why, ferioufly then, file has told me, Vi-. 
eoD&tefi founded prettily.; 

^^ Nvi. And me^ that Navtl w>s a Nstrite fiie woa'd 
fooner change her's for, than for any Title in £»£-• 
Und. t ■' ■ ■ • \ 

L. TUuf She has commended the Softnefs and Re- 
fpedfulnefs bf my Behavionr. 

Nra. She has prais'd the Briffcnefs of my Raillery 
^aK things, Man, , ■. ; 

L.f/tf«/: TheSleepincfiof myEyesflielik'd, ■ 

G 2 Nvo\ 



88 tU PlaiH-DeaUf. 

Nov. SleepineTs! Daloefs, Dolnefs. ButtwHetoe^ 
nefi c^ mine fte ador'd. 

L. TUttf. The Brightfters of my Hait Ihe Uk'd. 

Nov. The Brightnefsl No, the Gresmnbls^ Vsm^ 
rant. 
But the Bkchnefs and Lnftre of mioe flw adn^s. 

L. Vlauf, The Gentlenefs of my Smilt. 

Nov. The SUWky <rf my Leer. 

L. Flauf. Tiib Cleamers of my Comf4esioR. 

Nov. The Redne0 of my Lips. 

L. viaiif. The WWteMfs of my Teeth. 

Nov. My janty way of flicking thetn. 

£. Fkuf. The Sweeenrfs of my Breadi. 

Nov. Ha, hal^ nay> th«a flw abns^d youi 

'tis pli^ j for you know what Manly fsid i^^Th* 
SweetneB of your Pulvillio fite might mean j but fov 
your ^eath t Vkty b^, ha. Your Breach is fach>, 
Mao, that nething but Tobacco can ^rfnrac ^ and 
your Complexion nothing coa'd mend but the Small 
Pox. ■ , ' '■ 

Z,. Tlauf. Well^ Sir, yon may plea& to be merry y 
but, to put yon out mall Doubc^ ^, Hk has r«* 
ceiy'dfome Jewels from me, of Value. 

Nov, And Prefents from me j be^dc» what I iptt- 
fentedt her jantily, 1^ way of Ombre^ of three ov 
four hundred Pound value, which I'm fure are tto 
earneft Pence for our Love-bargain. 

L. 7imf. Nay, then, Sir, with yotr- favour, and 
tq make an end of all your hopeij \ottW yoa cImw^ 
Sir, ftfrhas wrk-to me- ' 

[ Deliver tdiaeb etkr thtir Letttfs^ 

Nov. How! how! '«re\\\ well, an4 fo Ae hai to 
me ; lookyou there*'-— — 

i. Plauf. What's here ? 
' .Nw. HoVs thb ? ' 



KeaA 

;,■ Google 



7& Plam-Deaterl 2^ 

Reads out 

My dear Lord, .. 

yOm'B txcufe mKj for hreaka^ my Wori -with yom^ JiHce 
'twas to oUigif not offend you i for I am oiilj gme 
'airoaJ hut to Mfapfoint Norel, md mtetyom in the Draiv- 
ing-Room ; where I txftS you^ with at mmcb Imfatience, 
gf when I uti to foffer Novel'j Vijitt, the mofi impertinent 
Ftff that ever afftSed the Name of a Wit, therefore not 
■capaiU, I hofe, to give you yeakufiei for^ far your fake 
euinej yeufaw I renouncd an old Lover j and will do all the 
World. Bum the Letter^ hat lay uf the Kindntfs of it in 
yourffiartf with jour 

OLIVIA. 

Very, 6nei But pr*y kt's fee miuc. 

X. Vlauf. I nnderftaiid it not ; but fare ftie cannot 
;Uut)kYo of me. 

, Reads the other Letter. 

if>yff. XTUwi ; ha ! Meet ■ — : — fir yeur fake- ■■ ■ 

X X. >'*'*h quitted an eld Lever — —Worl d 

Bvm ■inyourHeaK witbytifr 9 

OLIVIA- 

JuR the fame, the Name» onljr alter'd. 

L. Plamf. Surely there muft be fome miftakc j or 
fpine body has abusd her, and us. 

Nov. Yes, you are abus'd, no donbton't, my Lord; 
but I'll to mtte-HaB, and k% • 

L. Tlanf And I, where I (lull find you are abm'd. 

Nov. Where, if ic be fo, for our comfortj we caa- 
not fait of ffleecieg with Fellow-foSerers enough j fcir 
as Rreemm laid oi another, Ihe ftands in the Dratr- 
ing-room, like the Glafs, ready for all comers, to fee 
their Gallamry by her : and like the GUIs too, let's, no 
G 3 *■ Maa 



^p T-he Plain Dealer. 

Mart go from her, unfatisfied with himfelf. [Ex. amhc . 
Enter Olivia ^nd Boy. 

0/(1/. Both here, and juft gone ? ' " 

Boy. Yes, Madam. 

0/iT."But are you fure neither faw yoa deliver the 
other a Letter ? \ 

Boy. Yes, yes. Madam, I am very fure. 

Ollii. Go then to the Old Excbavgt, to JVeftm'tnfitr^ 
Halborn, and all the other places I told you of ,• I (hall 
jiot need you thefe two Hours : Be gone, and take 
the Candle with you, and be fure you leave word 
again below, 1 am gone outj to all that ask. 

Boy. Yes, Madam. {^Fx'tt. 

Oliv. And my new Lover will not ask I'm liir&; 
he has his Leffon, and cannot mifs me here, tho' in 
the dark : which I have purpofely defign'd, as a rCr 
medy againft mv blufliing Gallant's modefty j for 
young Lovers, like Game Cocks, are made bolder, 
by being kept without light. 

Enitr her Hnshand Verniffl as from a Journej. 

Ver Where is Ihe ? Darknefs every where I [Sfftij. 
" Oliv. What, come before your time ? my Soul ! 
my Life! your hafle has augmented. your kindnefs; 

and let me thank you for it thus, and thus [Ew- 

bracing and kijftng him.'] And tho' (my SobI) the littlc 

time (ince you left me, has feem'd an Age to my im- 
mtience, fure it is yet but feven 

Ver. How I who's that you expeded after feven ? 

Oliv. Hal my Husband return'd I and have I been 
throwing away fo'many kind Kiifeson my Husband^ 
and wrong'd my Lover already? 

Vtri Speak, I fay, who was't you expe&cd after 
feven ? 

-. 0/;v. What ftialH fay ? oh \_AjUe. 

-Why 'tis but feven days, is it^ deareft, fince you went 
out of Town ? and f expeded you not fo loon. > 
■ Vet. No, fure, Itis but five days fince I left you. 

Oliv, 



Ti>e Piah-Dealer. 91 

' ' Oliv. Pardon my impatience, deareft, I ihotight 'em 
feven at leaft. 
'<■ Vtr. Nay then-' 

Qliv. Butj my Life, you fhall never ftay half fo long 
from me again i you (han't indeed, by this Kifs you 
ihan't.. 

Vtr. No, no ; bur why alone in the dark ? 

0/if. Blame not my melancholy in your abfence— 
But, my Soul, fmce you went, I have ftrange News 
to tell you : Mmlj is return'd. 

Ver. Manly return'd I Fortune forbid. 

Ollv. Met wich the Dutch in the Chanel, fought, 
funk his Ship, and all he carried with Mm : he was 
here with me yefterday. 

Tw. And did yon own our Marriage to him ? 

Olli}. I told him I was married, to put an end to 
his tove, and my trouble j but to whom, is yet a 
fecret kept from him, and all the World : And I 
have us'd.him fo fcurvily, his great Spirit will ne'er ' 
return, to re:^ron it farther with me ; I have fent him 
to Sea agaii^ I warrant. 

Ver. 'Twas bravely done. And fure he will now 
hate the Shore more than ever, after fo great a difap- 
pointment. Be you fure only to keep a while our great 
lecrec, till he be gone : in the mean time 111 lead 
the eafie, honelt Fool by the Nofe, as 1 us'd to do ; 
and, whilft he Hays, rail with him at thee ; and when 
he's gone, laugh with thee at him. But have you 
his Cabinet of Jewels fafe ? Part not with a Seed 
Pearl to him, to keep him from flarving. 

Ol'w. Nor from hanging. 

Vtr. He cannot recover 'em j and, I think, will 
fcorn to beg 'em again. 

Qlhi. But,my Life,have yon taken the thoufand Gui- 
neys he left in my Name, out of the Goldfrnichs hands ? 

V<T. Ay, ay, they are remov'd to another Goldfmiths. 

Oliv. Ay but, my Soul, you had beft have a care 
yon find not where the Money is : for his prefent 
wants fas I'm inform'd) ate fach, as will make hun 
inqaifitive enough. G 4 P«r. 



9x The piaiitDeaUr. 

Fer. You fay tiacj and he kno^s ^ Man too ; hut 

111 remove it to morrow. 

Oliv. To morrow ! O do not ftay till to morrow : 
go to night, immediately. 

Fer. ISTow I think on't, yoa adrife wellj and I wiQ 
go prefently, 

Oliv. Prefently ! inftantly : I will not l«t you flay 

a jot. *: , . . 

Fer. 1 will then, tho' I remm not home till twelve^ 

oliv. Nay, tho' not till morning, with all my 

heart : go, deareft^ I am impatient till yon are 

tone \Tbrup him tut, 

0, I have at once now brought about thofe twa 
grateful Bufineffes, which all prudent Women do to- 
gether, feeured Money and Pleafure j and now aXl 
Interruptions of the lau are remov'd. Go, Husband, 
^dcome up, Friend j juft the Buckets in the Well, 
the abfence of one brings the other j but I hope^ lik^ 
f hem too, they will not meet in the way, jo^e, anq 
^alh together. 

Emer Fidelia, tni Manly treating fefilj, and 
fiaying^ bebiaJ at fomt Jifiamcf, 

So are you come ? (but not the Hnsband-Bucket, | 
hope, again.) Who's there? my deareft^ > {JSefify. 

Fid. My Life- 

oliv. Right, right : where are thy Lips } here, takt 
the dunib, and beft Welcomes, Kiues and Embraces { 
'tis not a time for idle wocd«. In a Dupl of Love, a| 
in others, parlying fhews bafely, Come, we are 
plone ? and now the Word is only fati^&^ion^ anj 
defend not thy felf. 

Man. How's this i Why, Ihe makes Love lik« « 
Devil in a Play ; and in this darknefs, which conceals 
her Angel's Face, if I wer« apt to be aftaidj I fhon'd 
$bink her a Devil. Ijtfidf^ 

OUp. What, yo^ trav^ri^ Ground, young Gentled 
fpaa, lFi4t]\a a-mdi^g hm 



Tbe PlahhDeakr* pi 

ffi. Ijtake Breach only. 

AU». 6ood Heav'tis! how wu I deceiv'd ! [ ^fidti. 

OUv. Nay, yon are a Coward ; what, are yon 
afraid cf the fiercenefsof my Lore? 

FiJ. Yes, Madanij left its violence might prefaes 
}t» change } and I mnft needs be afraid yon woiTd 
1»Te me qaickly^ who cbo'd defen fo bme a Gen* 
tleman as Mmljr. 

OUv. O \ name not his Name ; for in a rima .of 
ftolo joys, as this is, the filthy Name of HQsb«nd were 
liot ai more allaying found. 

Jd^. There's Tome comfort yec. . L4fi^ 

Fid. Bat did yon not lore htm } 

Oliv. Never. How cou'd you think it ? 

Ftd. Becanfe he thonghc it/ who is a Man of 
that fenfe, nice difceming, and diffidency, that I 
ifhou'd think it hard to deceive him. 

OUv. No ; he that diftrufls moil the World, tnifis 
moft to himfelfj and is but the more eafily deceiv'd, 
becaufe he thinks he can't be deceiv'd : hu cunning 
is like the Coward's Sword, by which he is oftnet 
worfted; than defended. 

■ Fid. Yet, fure, yon us'd no common Art, to de-' 
C^ve him. 

' 0/iv. I knew he lored his own Angular morofencft 
io well, as to dote upon any Copy of it ; wherefore 
I feign'd an hatred to the World too, chat he mighc 
Jove me in earnefl : but, if it had been hard co de- 
ceive hin, I'm fure 'twere much harder to lore him. 
A dogged, ill-roanner'd i 'i 

Ftd. uyt hear her, Sir, pray hear her. r^<f»ManIy.' 

Oliv. Mrly, untra&aUe, fnarling Brute I he ! a 
Mafty-doR were as fie a thing to make a Gallant of. 
: Aiam^ Ay, a Goat, or Monkey were fitter for 
thee. [ ^Jide. 

SU. I moft confefs, for my part, (tho* my Rival) 
i cuDot but fay he has a manly handfomncfi in's focc 
and nqen. . 

QUv. So bu a Saracen in the S^ 

fid. 



54 The VUm-VeaUr\ 

Fid. Is proper and well made. • '- 

. Otiv. As a Dray-man, 
■ RJ: Has Wm. 

OUv. He rails at all Mankincl. 
; ^d. And undoubted Courage. 

Oliv. Like the Hangman's, can murder a Man when 
his hands are ty'd. He has Cruelty indeed ; which 
is no more Courage, than his Railing is Wir. 

Atan. Thus Women, and Men lik* Women, are 
too bard for us, when they think we do not hear 'em,* 
and Reputation, like other Miftrefles, is never true- 
t6'a Manin his ablence. {^J^Je. 

Fil He is ■ 

Oliv. Pr'ythfee no more of him j 1 thought I had 
latiih^d you enoDgh before , that' he could never 
be a Riyal for you to apprehend ; and you need not 
be more alTur'd of my averfion to him, but by the laft 
leftimony of my love to you ; which I am ready to 
.giveyoQ. Come, my Soul, this-way [P«//i Fidelia. 

fW. But, Madam, what cou'd make you dilTemble 
love to him, when 'twas fo hard a thing for you, and 
flatter Hs love to yon ? 

Oiif. Ihat which makes alt the World flatter and 
diflemble, 'twas his Money : I had a re^t pafOon for 
that. Yet I lov'd not that fo well, as for ic to take 
him: forasfoqn as I had hisMoney, I haflned his de- 
parture like a Wife, who, when flie has made the moft 
of a dying Husbands breath, pulls away the Pillow. 

M-tn. Damn'd Money .' it's Mailers potent Rival 
ftili ; and, like a faucy Pimp, cormpts it felf the 
Miftrefs it procures for trs. 

Oliv. fiui 1 did not think with you, my Life, to 
pafs my time in talking. Come hither, come ,■ yet 
ilay, till I have lock'd a door in the other Room, 
that may chance to let us in fome interruption j which 
reciting Poets, or lofmgGamefiers fear not more than 
I at this time do. {Exit Olivia. 

Ftd Well, I hope, you are now fatisri'dj Sir, and 
will be gone, to chink of your Revenge i 
.. _' Matt. 



The Vkin-Veaier. py 

Alan. No, I aih'not famfi'dj and maft flay to l^e 

reveng'd. , ■' '■ * ■ 

Ftd. How, Sir i Youll ufe no violence to her, I 

hopCj and forfeit your own Ufe to take away hct's ? 

That were no Revenge. 

Man. No, no, you need not fear: my revenge' 
iball only be upon her Honour, not her Life. 

Vfd. How, Sir ? her Honour ? O Heavens ! Confi- - 
der. Sir, flie has no Honour. D'ye call that Re- 
venge? Can you think of fuchathing? ButrefleiA^ 
&ir, how the hacesand loachsyou. 

Man. Yes, fo much Oie hates me, that it wou'd be 
a revenge fufficient to make her accefiary to my Plea- 
fure, and then lee her know it. 

Ftd. No, Sir, no, to be Reveng'd on her now, 
were to difappoint her. Pray, Sir, let us be gone. 

[ Vullt Manly.' 
Man. Hold off. What, you are my Rival then j 
and therefore you Oiall Aay, and keep the Ooor for 
me, whilft 1 go in for you : but, when I'm gone, if 
you dare to ftir off from this very Board, or breath 
the leaft murmuring Accent, I tl cut her Throat firft ; ^ 
end if you love her, you wilt not venture her Life; 
nay, then I'll cut your Throat too j and 1 know you 
love your own Life at lealt. 
Fid. But, Sir, good Sir. 

Men. Not a word more, left I begin my Revengei 
on her by Killing yon. 

Bd. But are you fure 'tis Revenge, that makes you 
do this i how can ic be ? 
Man. Whift. 

Fid. 'Tis a ftrange Revenge, indeed. 
Man. If you make me ftay, 1 ihall keep my word, 
aod'begin with you. No more. 

[E«« Manly, at the fame Door OWi'i^ went. 

Mamt Fidelia. 

Fid. O Heavens \ is there not puniflimenc enough 
in loving well, if you will have': a Crime ; 

, ., Bat 



^S The Ptain-DeaUi. 

But you flmft a^ fieft Tonnents daily to't^ 
And punifh us like peevilh JEllvaU ftill, 
Becaufe we iian wou'd find a Heaven here ? 
But did there never any tore like me, 
Tliac untry'd Tortures you mufl find me out i 
Others, at worft, you force to itill themfelves ; 
Bat I mufi be Self-mard'refs of my love. 
Yet will not grant me pow'r to end my Life^ 
My cruel Lik j for when a Lover's hopes 
Aiedead, and gone, Life Unnfipercifiil. 

£Sfrf dmvn^ and weefg} 

Eater Manly m btr. 

Mm. I have thought better on't ; I muft not dtf- 
cover my felf now, I am mthout Vitnefles : for if I 
barely fbou'd publifli it, fhe won'd deny it with as 
much impndence, as ftie woa'd a& it again with this 
young Fellow here. Where are you ? 

Fid. Here .. — oh— -—now I nippofe we may b9 
gone. 

Man. I will, but not yon } yon muft flay, and 
zA the fecond part of a Lover ; that is, talk kindnel» 
CO her. 

FU Not I, Sir. 

Man. No difputing, Sir, you mn(t : 'tis necefiary 
to my defign, of coming again to morrow night.^ 

Ft J. What, can you come again then hither? 

Man. Yes, and you muft make the Appointment, 
and an Apology for your leaving her fo loon ; for I 
have faid not a word to her, but have kept your 
couofel, as I expcA you thon'd do mine : do this 
faithfully, and Ipromifeyou here ypuAiallrun ray 
Fortune ftiU, and we will never part as long 29 wq 
live i blit, if you do not do it, exped not to live. 

Bd.'Tis hard, Sir ^ but fuch a confideration will 
make it eafier : you won't forget your Promife, Sir ? 

Mm, Ho, by Heavens. But I hear Her coming. 

lExit. 
Bnttr 



'Jte Tlain-Dealefl 9^ 

OUv. Where u my life i nm from me alrea^ 3 
yon do not love me, deareft; nay, yoaareangcy 
widi me ; for yoa won'd not lb much at fpeak a luod 
word to me wuhin : What was the reafbn ? 

fU. I was craiifported too much. 

O/w. That's kind ; but come, ray Soul, what mate 
yon here i let ns go in agun ; we may be furpii^d 
in this Room, 'tis fo near the Stain. 

FU. No, we fliaU hear the better here, if aay Body 
ftoo'd come up. 

O/rc. Nay, I aflbre you, we AaH be fecore enongli 
within J Come, come 

F$d. I am fick, and tronUed with a fudden dizzi-' 
uJs; cannot itir yet. 

etiv Come, I hare Spirits within. 

fi4. Oh I— —don't yon hear a Noife, Madam ? 

OUv. No, no, there i& none : Come, come. {PuSi heri 

Fid. indeed there is j and I lorv yon fo ranch, i 
muft have a care of your Honour, ifyou won't, ud 
go ,* but to come to yon to morrow night, if yea 
pleafe. 

Oliv. With all ipy Soul j but you miift not go yet: 
Come, prithee. 

PiJ.- Oh ! -I'm now ficker, and am ifrtdd of 

one of my Fits. 

Oliv. What Fits ? 

FW. Of the Falling Sickne^i and I lie generally an 
Hour in a Trance; therefore pray oonfider your Hc^ 
nour, for the fake of my toTe,3ndlet mego,thatInvf 
rctBrn to you often. 

OHv. But will yon befnte then to come tomorzow 
flight ? 

Fid. Ties. 

Oliv. Swear. 

Fid. By our paft kindnefs. 

Oliv. Wellj go your ways theoy If you will, yoa 
ttaoghty Creatore you. E^fit Fidetiab 

Thsft 



5(S TMPlain-Dealsf:^ 

Thefe young Lovers,, with thejr fears and modefly, 
make thetnfetv^ as bad as old ones ro ns j and I appte- 
bedd th'cir baflifulnen, mbvi than their tatling. 

1 Fidelia ntums. 

Tsd. O. Madam, we're nndone !. there was a Qen- 
ddmanupon the Stairs, coming up with a Ca;idle ; 
whicb made me retire. Look you, here he comei. 

Eff«- Vetniih and hit Man with a Vgbt. 

; OUv. How ! My Husband ! Oh," undone indeed ! 
This way. ..' : [Ew** 

- ftr. Ha! ' Yod. Ihall not efcape me fo^ Sir. 

. {_Sioft Fideliait 

fid. O Heavens ! more Fear, Plagues, and Torments 
yetlnStorel - , [_jiifiJe, 

.- Vtr. Come, Sir, I guefs what yoqrbufmefswas: here j' 
lilt this mu(t be your buflnefs now. Draw. iDrgivi, 

. Ftd. Sir , , . ■ , 

• iV.NoExpofluhitions: I fball not care to heaff 
oft. Draw. 
: Bd. Good Sir. 

Per. How, you Rafcal ! not Courage to draw,.y« 
cEucft do me the greateft injury in the World ? Thy 
Cowardice fiiall not favc thy Life. 

\OftTs to run <r Fidelia. 
[ Bd. O hold^ Sir, and (end but your Servant down, 
«nd I'll faris&e you. Sir, I cou'd not injure yon as yoft 



To-. Leave the Light, and be gone. f £*. Strtf. 

tiira% quickly, Sir^ what have you to fay, or— -— 

Fid. lam a Woman, Sir, a very unfortunate Woman. 

K*r. How I a very handfome Woman I'm fure then : 

here are WitneHes oft too, I confefs [Pulh off her 

Peruke, tmdfeeii ber Breafis. 
.Well, Fm.glad to find the Tables turn'd, my Wifoia 
more danger of Cuckolding, than! was^ \_Afidei. 



Fii. Now, Sir, I hope you are fo much a Man of 
Honour, as to let me. go, now I have fatisfied you, Sir. 

Vir. When you have fatisfied me. Madam, 1 will. 

Fid. I hope. Sir, you are , too miich z Gentleman, 
to uiJgc thofe feordts from a Woman, which concern' 
her Honour : You may guefs my. Misfortane "to be^ 
Lore, by myDifgmlc; but a pair of Breeches cou'd 
not wrong you, Sir, 

Ver. I. may believe l»ove has Chang'd your ontfide,' 
which cou'd not wrong me ; but why did my Wife, 
run away } 

Ftd. I know not; Sir, perhaps becanfe fbe woy'd- 
not be forc'd to ditcover me to you, or to guide me . 
from your fufpicions, that you might not difcover me 
yovrfelf; which ungencleman like Curiofity I hope 
you will ceafe to have, and let me go. ! 

' Vtr^: Well, Madam, if I mull not know who.yoa 
are, 'twill fuffice for me only, to know certaintyj 
what you are : which you muft not deny me. 0>me, 
there is a Bed within, the proper Rack for Lovers ; 
and if you Sre a Woman, there you can keep no 
fecrets, you'll tell me there all ucaskU Come. •. 

Jid. Oh.! what,d"yeniean?H?lp, oh. — r-','. .■.■r\ 

Ver. I'll fliow you'; but 'tis in Vain to cry out^■Jio; 
one dares help you, for I am Lord here. 

Fid. Tyrantihere ; biit if yb'u-..art,Mafler.of this 
Houfe, whKiH I -hase. taken, foe Ht ^anAuary;. do no« 
violate it your felf. 

.-yer^Ufi, I'll preferveyou here, and nothing fhall 
hurt you, and will be as true to you as your Dilguife j 
but you muft tmft'me; then..'- CoBKi come. 

Fid. Oh ! oh: rather than you fliou'd drag me to 
a Death fo horrid and fo fliameful, I'll die here a 
thoufand Deaths, but you do not look like a Ra- 
vtfher. Sir. 

Fer. Nor you like one wou'd put me to't, but if 

ym w^l-7 

■ mdi OK-! oh ! help, help 

Eattr 

D3I.Z.:;,. Google 



io5 The PiaithDtaier; .... •/) 

Enttr Servant, 

Ver. Yon faDCT Rafcal, bow darft yoa iame In^ 
^en you heard a Woman fijneak jf diac mou'd have 
been yonrCuetofiim the Door. ,, . 

Sin;. 1 comcj Sir, to lee yoa kttow, the Aldenmn 
coming home immediately after you were at hit 
Hbufe, has feat his Cafiieer with dxs Money, according 
fo yonrMote. 

' Ver. Damn his Money : Money never came to iiaf_ 
fbqj. onfeaTonably titt 'now. did him flay. 

Am. He fays, be cannot a Moment. 

Ver. B.ecei7e it yoa then. 

Satv. He fv^s, be maft have yoar Receipt ^rki 
he is in hafie, for I hear him cotning up. Sir. 
■ Vtr. Damn him. Help me in here then with this' 
^flicmoarer of my Family. 
. RkOhl ohi 
: Sarv. Yon f^ Ibe is a Woman, Sir.- 

Ver. No mattesi Sir : muft yoa prate ? 

Fii. CMi Hcamia I is there- — ' 

[TSn tbrufi btr in, and leek the Door', 

Vir. Stay riiere, my PrifoHnr, yourhdve a ftoriS Re^ 
pricve^ 

TUfiteh ^t-Geldy and fiat fie am*t re^, 
i JP/TTsiria^fiiS hmd'tis.wt-iiaioifiiiif, ' 



;, Google 



Ife Plaa-Dtalir, to* 

ACT V. SCENE L 

Ent& Olivia and £liz3. 

Oliv. A ^) Confin, nothing troubles nte, hoi thii 
XX, I have given the malicioa^ World its Re- 
venge, and Reafon now to talk as freely of nief as I 
bs'd CO do of it. 

£/*«. Faith, then let not diat tronbte you j for to 
be plain, Courin, the World cannot talk worfe of yon, 
than it did before. 

Oliv. How, Coulm ? I'd hare you to know, before 
this foMx fafh t^is ^^P o^ mine, |he World cou'd not 
talk of me. 

EUx^ Only that yon mind other Peoples A^ns fb 
much, that you take no care of your own, but t6 
hide 'om j that, like a Thief, becaufe yon know your 
felf moft guilty, you impeach your Fellow-Grinunab 
firft, to clear your felf. 

Oliv. O wicked World ! 

Blix,. That you pretend an av edion to all Mankind 
in pnblick, only ttuc their Wives and Mifbreffefs may 
not be jealous, and hinder you of their Converfiitit^ 
in private. 

Oliv. Bafe World ! 

Eliz. That abroad, yon fatten quarrels upon in- 
nocent Men, for talking of you, only to bnng 'etii 
to ask your pardon at home, and to become dear 
Friends with them, who were hardly yovr Acqoaia* 
tance before. 

Oliv. Abominable World ! 

£&c. That you condemn the obfcenfty of moderM 
Plays, only that you may not be cenfur'd for neve^ 
uiffiDg the moft obfcene of the old (net. 

O/ivj Damn'd World ! 

H mu.. 

.^g-aiz,;;,G00Jjlc 



loa The Fla'tn-DeAler. 

Eliz. That you deface the nodfties of Fibres, and 
little Statn6s, only becaofe they are not real. 

Oliv. O, Acj fie^ tie; hideods, hideous, Confia ! 
the obfcenity of their Cenfures makes me blnfli. 

Eliz. The truth of 'em, the naughty. World woa'd 
lay now. 

Enter Letticc hafiify. 

X^. Ot Madam ! here is that Gentleman coming 
op, who now yon fay is my MaAer. 

Oliv. O, Cotifin ! whither Iball I mn ? proted me, 
b r -- [Olivia rmu Away^ mnifianis at a dlfiancf. 

Eater Verniib. 

Ver. Nay, nay, com e 

O^; O, Sir, forgire me. 

Vn'. Yes, yes, I can forgive you being alone in 
the dark with a Woman in Mans Cioaths j but hare 
a care of a Man in Women's Cioaths. 

Oliv. What does he mean ? he difiembles, only to 
get me into his power : Or has my dear Friend made 
him believe he was a Woman ? my Husband may be 
deceiv'd by him, but I'm fure I was not. [Jfide. 

Vtr. Come, come, yon need not hare lain one of 
your Houle for this ,• but perhaps yon were afraid^ 
when I was warm with fufpicions, you maft hare 
difcover'd who Hie was : And, prithee, may I not 
know it i 

Oliv. She was — (I hope he has been deceir'd : 
and, fincc my Lover has plaid the Card, I mnft not 
leoonnce) iJfiJe. 

Ver. Come, what's the matter with riiee ? If I muft 
not know who flie is, I'm fatislied witbonc Ccnne 
hither. 

. OUv. Sure you do know her j fiie has told yoa her 
(elfi I fuppofe. 

Vir. No, I might hare known her better, but that 
I was interrupted by the Goldfmith you know, and 

was 



7%ff Plaitt-Deaiir. i o j 

>Bm IbrcM if6 lock he^ into yout Chamber, to keep 
lice from his fight ; biit, when I recurn'd, I foond 
Ihe wa« got away, by tying th^ WIndow-Cunains to 
tlie fialco^, by which flie Hid downintb the ^reet : 
for, yon muft know, I jetted with her, and made her 
beliere Td ravifli herj which flie apprehended, ic 
^ems, in catDeft. 

O/iv. Then fhe got from you \ 

r*. Yei, - . 

Oliv. And is quite gone i 

Ver. Yes. 

Olw. I'n) glad on't——- otherwlfe you had fariifa'd 
tier. Sir ? but how dar*!! yon go fo far, as to make 
her believe you won'd ravilh her ? let me underftand 
that. Sir. What, there's gnilt in your face, you 
Moth too : nay, then yon did raviOi her, you did, you 
bafe Fellow. What, ravilh a Woman in the 6sft 
Month of our Marriage ! 'Xis a double injury to me> 
diou bafe, ungrateful Man ; wrong my Bed already^ 
Villain ! 1 cou d tear out thofe falfe Eyes, barbarou$> 
imwonhy Wret-ch. 

^lix,. So, fo 1— — 

I'm Prithee hear, my Dear. 

O/w. I will nerer hear you, my plague, liiy tormenK 

Yer. I fwear-^— prithee hear me. 

Oliv. I have heard already too many of ybnr ^fe 
Oaths and Vowi, efpecialty your lall in the Church. 

wicked Man I and wretched Woman that I was I 

1 wiffa I had then fnnk down Into a Grave, rather 
than CO have given you my Hand, to be led to you^ 
loachfome Bed. Oh — t-oh— — [^S«imstowtep. , 

Ver. So, very hne ! juft a Marriage Quarrel ! whidf 
Ao* it generally tegios by the Wife's fault, yet, in 
the concluflon, it becomes the Husband's ,- and who- 
foever offends at firfl^ he only is iiire to ask pardott 
at laft. My Dear — -■>■ 

O/w. My Devil • 

fV. Come, prithee be appeas'd, and go Home j I 

have befpokeia our Supper betimes: fori con'd Hoi 

H 2 W, 



104 ^** tlaiii-Deaiefi 

eat} till I fonfid yoa. Go, I'll eive yod aft kind o^ 
jacis&dions; andonei which ules to be a rcco&ciUDg 
one, two hundred of thofe Guineys I receir'd latt 
Night, to do what you will with. 

0/kf. What, woad you pay me foe beiog yotUi 
Bawd ? 

Vtr. Kay, prithee no more ; goy aod FU throaghly 
fatisBe you when I come home ; and then, tdo, we 
will hare a fit of laughter at Manht whom I am go- 
ing to find at the Cock in Bowfireet^ Where I heat 
he din'd. Go, deareft, go homer 

EUz. A very pretty turn, indeed, this t Infidel 
. Vtr, Now, Goufu), fince by my Wife I have that! 
honour and privilege of calling you fo, I hare foms- 
Thing to beg of you too j which isj not to take no- 
tice of our Marriage to any whatever, yet a while^ 
for fome reafons very important to me : and next, 
that you will do my Wife the honour, to go home 
with her, and me the favour, to nfe that [>ew«r yos 
hare with her, in our recondlement. 

EUz„ That I dace promife. Sir, • will be no haxdt 
matter. 

Your Servant. [Et^ Vemiib. 

Veil, Coviin, this I coofefs was ftafimabte bypnn 
crifie } you were the better fort. 

Oliv. What hypoerifie f 
. Mx.. Why, this laft decnt of your Hilsband war 
lawful, fince in your own defence. 

Oliv. What deceit ? I'd have yoa to know, I ^icTef 
deceiv'd my Husband. 

Elix^ Yon do not underfiand me, fure i I (ay, this 
was an honeft come-oiF, and a good one : but 'twas 
a fign your Gallant had had enough of your Coover- 
fation. Once he cou'd fo dextroufly cheat yoar Hufr- 
band in paiSng for a Woman i 

Oliv. What d'ye mean, once n)ere> wich siy Gal- 
lant, and pafling for a Woman i 

EUz. What do you mean ^yon fee your Husband 
took himfora Woman ? 



Tie Plain'tenltr. loy 

Miv. irhom? 

£/i£. Hey-day ! why, the Man he found you with, 
for whom laft Night you wer? fo iQuch afraid ^ and 
who you told mC' 

Oliv. Lord, yon ravefute! 

Eliz,. Why, did not you tell me laft Night — ^ 

Olya. 1 know not what I might tell you laft Night, 
in a fright. 

Eiix,, Ay, what was riiat fright for ? for a Woman ? 
fae/ides, were you not afraid to fee your Husljand juft 
now ? Z warrant, only for having been found with a 
Woman! nay, did you not juft now too own your 
falfe ftep, or trip, as you call'd it } which was with 
a Woman too ! Fie, this fooling is fo inripi<], 'tiy 
c^nfnrc. 

OUv. And fooling with my Hcmoar will be more 
offenfive. Did you not hear my Hu^atid fay, he 
foand me with a Woman in Mans Cloachs } and d'ye 
think he does not know a Man from a Woman i ' 

£ji:&. Not fo well, I^m fnre, as yoa do j th^efore 
I'd rather take your .word. 

O/iV. What, you grow fcarrillons, and are 1 find 
more cenforions than the World ! I muft hare a care 
you, I fee. 

Eiix^ No, yoo need not fear yecj 111 keep your 
fecretl 

Oliv. My fectet ! YA hare you to know, I have no 
need of Confidents, tho* you ralue your felf upon 
being a e;ood one. 

Eiix^ Q admirable confidence I yoa fiiow more in 
(lenying your wic|i«dne(E, than other people ia 
glorying m't. 

Oliv. Congdenoe, (o me ! to nie fuch hngaage ! 
nay'j'cheti'Fn never fee yonr&ce again. Ill quarrel 
with her, that people may never beHeve I was in 
her power ; bRt take for malice all tl^e tmdi fhe may 
fpeak againft me. {Mde. 1 Uttice, where are you ? 
let OS b6 gone from^this cembrious Ul Woman. 

D ,_,, :. Cookie 



lotf the TUiuVMkt. 

Elix,. Nay, thoufhalt flay a tittle^ to janji ^7 
felf quite . iJfiJe^ 

One word firft, pray Madam ; can you fwear that 
whom'your Husband found you with- - 

Oliv. Swear ! ay, that whofoever 'twas that ftole 
up, unknown, into my Room, when 'twas dark, I 
know not whether Man or Woman, by Heav'ns,^ by 
!all that's good ; or, may I never more have joys here^ 
or in the other World : nay, may I eternally——^ 

Eliz,. Be damn'd. So, fo, you are damn d enough 
already by your Oaths ; and I enough confirm'd, and 
how you may pleafe to be gone. Yet take this 
advice with yon, in this Plain-dealing Age, to leave 
off forfwearing your felf ; for when people hardly 
think the better of a Woman for her real modefly, 
why Ihoa'd yon put that great cooftraint upon your 
felf to feign. it? 

' Oliv. Q hideous! hideous advice! Let us go OQt 
« of tlie bearing of it. She will fpoil us, Lettiet. 

C Ex. Oliv, and Let. at oat dm, Etiz. tit t'otbtr* 

Tie Scene cbat^s to the Cock in Bow-fUecc 
■ 4 Table and BottUf. 

Manly and Fidelia. 

Man. How ! fav'd her Honour, by making her hv»^ 
band believe you were a Woc^an ! 'twas well, bnc 
hard enough to' do, fure. • 

. Ftd. We were interrupted before he cou'd contra^ 
dift mc. 

Man. But can't you tell me, d'ye fay, what kia^ 
of Man he was ? i 

Ffd. I was fo frightne^f I confe£, I Qan give nq 
other acconnc of him, but that he was pretty tall* 
round fac'd* and one, I'm fure, I no'er htd Uea 
before, , 

' Man. But fkSf ypufay;, made you fwear to ncom 
to Might"? ■' ■■,..,.■ 

.. BJk. 

D,l,z.:;,C.OOg|i: 



TIfe TlaiH-Veakr. 107 

BJ. Bat I bave fince fworn, never to go near her 
agun ; for the Husband wou'd murder me, or worfe, 
a he caoghc nje again. 

Man, No, I will go with yoiij and defend you to 
Night, and then I'U fwear too,' never to go near hec 
again. 

Fid. Nay, indeed, Sir, I will not go, to be accef^ 
fary to your Death too ; BeHdes, whsu fhou'd you go 
again. Sir, for ? 

Man. No difputing, or advice. Sir, you have res^ 
fon to know I am unalterable. Go, therefore pre^ ■ 
fently, and write her a Note, to enquire if her M' 
iignatlon with you holds j jand if not to be at hec 
own Houfe, where elfe ? and be importunate to gain 
admittance to her to Night : Let your Meffengen 
e're he deUver your Letter, enquire hrfl, if her Hd& 
band be gone out. Go, 'tis now almoft fix of the 
Clock; lexpei^ you back here before ieren, with 
leave to fee her then. Go, do this dextrouQy, and 
cvptGt the Performance of my laft Night's Promife^ 
never to part with yon. 

Bd. Ay, Sir; but will you be iiire to remember 
that ? 

Man. Did I ever break my Word i Go, no more 
Replies, or Doubts. [£»« Fidelia. 

Knttr Freeman to Manly. 

Where haft thou been ? 

Frtt. In the next Room, with my Lord PUmfibU and 
Novtl. 

Man. Ay, we came hither, becaufe 'twas a private 
Houft; tmt with thee indeed no Houfe can be pri- 
vate,- for thou haft that pretty Quality of the &im- 
Uar Fo[» of the ToWn, who, in an £acing-houfe, 
always keep Company with all People in'c, but thofe) 
they came with. , 

Frtt. I went into their Room, but to keep diem 

and my own Fool the 'Squire, ont of your Room j 

H4 but 



io8 Tht fUin-Vealer. 

hat yon finU be peevifb now, becanfe' yon have no 

Money ; But i^hy the Devil won't you write to thofe 

we werefpeaking of? fince your Mo^ftVi or your 

^iric, will not Tuffer you to fpeak to 'em, to lend 

you Money, why won't you' try 'cm at laft, that 

way? 

Mm. Becaufe I know 'em already, and can bear 
Want better than Denials, nay, than Oblieadons. 

Free. Deny you ! they cannot : All of 'em havQ 
been your intimate Friends. 

Man. No, they have been Peo[de only I have o- 
bligNi particularly. 

Fne. Very w^ftj therefore you opght to go to 'enj 
(he rather, fare. 

Mm. No, no : Thofe yon have oblig'd moft, moft 
cenainly avoid you, when you can oblige 'em no 
longer j and they take your Viflts like fo many Duni : 
Fri^s, like Miftrefles, are avoided for Obligations 
paft. 

Free. Pfliaw ! But moft of 'em are your Relations j 
Men of great Fortune and Honour. 

Mm. Yesj buc Relations have fo much Honoitr, 
^to think Poverty taints the Blood; and difown 
their wanting Kindred : Believing, I fuppole, that, 
9StBicbes at firft makes a Gentleman, the want of 'em 
degrades him. But damn 'em, now I am poor, I'll 
anticipate thur Contempt, and di£bwn them. 

Fru. But you have many a Female Acquaintance, 
>iirhom you have been liberd to, who n^ay have a 
Heart to cefund.to you a linte, if you wou'd ask it ; 
,They are not all Olivia's, 

. Mm. Damn thee 1 How coa'dR thou think of fuch 
a thing ? I wou'd as foon rob my Footman of hU 
Wages : Befides, 'twere in vain too : For a Wench is 
^ke a Bode in an Ordinary, receives all Peoples Money 
ca&lyj but there's no getting, qsy, Qaiang any oat 
apm ^ an^ he tii^ 6U5 it^is Aire oev^ (o Irecp th« 



Jbe Tla'tH-Deahr, 109 

Aw. Veil, bat noble Captain, won'd you make me 
betiere that yon, wbo know half the Town, have fo 
many Friends, and have oblig'd fo many, can't bor- 
row fifty or an hundred Pound. 

M^. Why, noble LicDtenant, yon who know all 
the Town, and call all you know. Friends, methinks 
fhon'd not wonder at it j ^nce yon find Ingratitude 
too i for how many Lords Families ( tho' defcended 
£n»a Blackfmiths, or Tinkers ) haft thou call'd Great 
and niufirioDs i How many ill Tables call good Eat* 
ing ? How many noifie Coxcombi, "ViK ? How ma« 
ny pert coaching Cowards, Stout ? How many tandiy 
ane^ed Rogoes, well dreft ? How many Perukes ad- 
mir'd ? And how many ill Verfes applauded i And 
yet canft not borrow a Sbilling ; doft thon expeft I^ 
who always fpoke truth, ihon'd^ 

Av«; Nay, now yoti think you have paid me| 
bot hark yon, Ca^ain, I have heard of a thin|; 
call'd grinning Honour, bnt never of ftarring Ho- 
IKmr 

Mm. Well, but it has been the Fate of fome brave 
Men : And if they won't give me a Ship dgans, I 
can go flarve any where with a Masket on my Shoul* 
der. 

Ave. Give yon a Ship .' why, yon will not foUdte 
it? 

Mm. If I have not foUctted it by my Services, I 
kno4r no other way. 

Frti. Yonr Servant, Sir ,- nay, then I'm fatisfied, 
I mnft folidte my Widow the clofer, and mn the de* 
fperate Fortune of Matrimony on Shore. Ea^. 

Eattr t9 Manly, Verntfii. 

Mm. How! Nay, here is a Friend indeed j 

judhettuc hsf him in his Arms, can know no wants. 

[ Emhrtees Vermlh; 

Vtr. Dear Sit-! and he that is in your Arms, is fe- 

C)ir$ {rom all fears i^hatevpr j my, onr Nation b fe- 

•• euro 



no The Plaiu-Vealer. 

cure by yotir Defeat at Sea, and the Dateb that fought 
againft ^ou^ have prov'd Enemies to thetnfelres only, 
in brining you back to as. 

Man. Fie, Be ; this from a Friend } and yet &om 
iny other 'cwere unfnfierable : I thought X fhoii'd ne- 
ver have taken any thing ill from you. 

Ver. A Friend s Privilege is to fpeak his Mind, tho* 
k be taken ill. 

Man, But your Tongue need not tell me you thinfc 
too well of me ; I have found it from your Heart, 
which fpoke in A<^ons, your unalterable Hearc:Buty 
O'.lvla is falfe, my Friend, which I fuppofe is no 
JiJewE to you. 

VtT. He's in the right on't. {.AfiJe. 

Man. But coud'ft ihou not keep her true to me ? 

Ver. Not for my Heart, Sir. 

Men. But cou'd you not perceive it at all before I 
went ? Cou'd ftie fo deceive us both. 

Vvr. I muft confefs, the firll time I knew it, was 
three Days after your Departure, when Ihe receiv'd 
the Money you had left m Lombard- firett, in her 
I^ame j and her Tears did not hinder her it Teems 
from counting that. You wou'd truft her with all, 
like a true generous Lover. 

Mim. And (he like a mean Jilting » 

Vtr. Trajterous— — — 

Man. Bafe ■ ■ ' ■ 

Ver. Damn'd 

Man. Covetous—— 

Vtr. Mercenary Whore 

( I can hardly hold from lauglung,) \_Afiie. 

Man. Ay, a Mercenary Whore indeed, for fiic 
made me pay her bt:fore I lay with her. 

Ver. Howl Why, have you lain with her? 

Man. Ay, ay. 
. Ver. Nay, Ihe deferves you flioa'd report it ac leaftj 
tho' you. have not. 

Mam Report it! by Hf av'n, '^istrue. 

Vtr. Howl fiwcnot. 

Jto.I 

D,I,Z.:;,C.00<^[C 



The Plain-Deaien. \\i 

2tian. I do not ofe to lie, nor you to doubt me. 
yer. When? 

Mmm. Laft Nighr, about feren or eigjht of tho- 
Ciocfc. 

Ver. Ha.'— —Now I remember, I thought fte 

fpake as if (he expeded fome other, rather than me : 

A confounded Whoie irfdeed ! - . [ jIfiU. 

Man. But what, thou wonder'ft at it! Nay, yo4 

ieem to be angry too. 

f^tr. I cannot but be enrag'd againfi her, for her 
n&ge of you: damn'd, infamous, common Jade. 

AIm. Nay, her Cuckold, who firfi Cuckolded me 
in my Money, ihall not laugh all himfelf ; we will do 
him reafbn, flian't we i 
Ver. Ay, ay. 

AtAn. But thou dofl not, for fo great a Friend,' 
take pleafure enough in your Friends Revenge, me- 
thinks. 

Ver. Yes, yes ; Vm glad to know it, fince you bars 
lain .with her. 

Man. Thou canft not tell me who that Rafcal, her 
Cuckold is ? 
Vtr. No. 
AioB. She wou'd keep it from yon, I fuppofe. 

Vtr. Yes, yes. . 

Man. Thou wou'dft laugh, if thou kneweft bat all 
the Circumflances of my having her. Come, I'll teU 
thee. 

Vtr. Damn hei i I care not to hear any more of 
ber. 
i4M. Faith thou IhalL Yon muft know— ^ 



;, Google 



Tie flam-Dtalet: 



pMir Freeman Imekwsrdi, atdttvoitrmt ta keip out No^ 
vttl, XoriPUunbtej Jerry and OataXt n/ba all frefs 
mfm him. 

_ Rit. I tell yoQf he hu a'VeachwIthhimj and 
.woa'd be private. 

Man- Damn 'em! 9- Man can'c open a Bontein 
diefe Eatin|(-hdufe$^ but pcefiently yon hare thcfe 
loipndeatr iotniding, \sia.tin% Ffies and Infeds in 

your Glafs ^Well, )'tl cell thee all anon. In 

tt» mean, time, piithee go to her, but not from 
, me, and try if you can get her to lend me but an 
faundred Ponnd of niy Money, to fiipply my prcfent 
Va«9 ; for I fuppofe there is np Recovering any oi 
k by litw. 

Ver. Not any ; think not pf it : nor by this way 



Man. Go try, atleaS. 

Ver. I'll go; but I can fadsfie you befbfo-hand, it 
will be to np parpofe : You'll no more find a refnnd- 
ingWencti-^ 

Mm^ Than A lefbnding Lawyer j indeed their Feef 
alike fcarce erer return : However, , cry hici, pue ie 
to her. - ,;■.■■-■ 

Vtt. Ay, ay, 1*11 try her, put it to ha homsj with 
a Vengeance. [ Exit Verdifli* 

Manet eateri. 



Nov. Nay, yon fhall be our Judge, Manly. Cofne^ 
Major, I'll fpeak it to your Teeth : If People pro-' 
voke me to fay bitter things, to their Faces, they 
muft'take what follows; tho', like my Lord P/ov/iAif, 
I'd rather do't civilly behind their Backs. 

Man. Nay, thou art a dangerous Rogue, IVe heard, 
behind a Man's Back. 



itttf PUmDeaierl t'n" 

' X.Pj;«jii^ Yon wrong him fore, noble GsptdOj he 
,^oa*d doaMimnoniorehanabehiDd his Back, duq 
cohifFaca 
, Rit. I am of my Lord's Miod, 

Mtm. Yesj a Fool^ like a Coward^ is the men Co be 
fear'd behind a Man's Back, more than a witty Man; 
For, as a Coward is more bloody than a brare hlan, 
a Fool is filore maUcioiu than a Mao of Wit. 

Nov, A Fool, Tar a Fool ! Nay, thoa art a 

brare Sea-Judge of ^ic I a Fool ! Prithee when did 
you ever find me want fiimetbing to (ay, a> yoo do 
often? 

3/dn. Nay, I confefs, thoa art always talking, roar* 
hig, er making a Noife, that 111 fay for thee. 

Km/. Well, and is talking a Sign of a Fool ? 

Mt». Yes, always talking j efpecially too if it be 
load and {a&, is the Sign of a FooL 

Nov. Pfliaw ! Talking is like Fendng, the qnicker 
the better ; run *em down, run 'em down, no matter 
for parriog j pnlh on fiUl, I&, fa, fa : No matter 
whether you argue in Form, puUi in Guard, or 
no. 

Man. Or hit, or no ; I think thou always talk'ft 
without thinking, Novil. 

Nov. Ay, ay ,- fludy'd Play's the worGi, to follow 
the Allegory, as the old Pedant fays. 

Old. A young Fop! 

Aian. I ever thoLght the Man of moft Wit had 
been like him of moft Money, who has no Vanity in 
fliewing it every where j whilft the beggarly pulher 
of his Fortune, has alt he has about bim lUll, only; 
to fliov. 

Nov. Well, Sir, and make a very pretty Show in the 
World, let me tell you ^ nay, a better than yonr clofe 
Hunks : A Pox, give me ready Money in Play i 
What care I for a Man's Reputation i What are we 
the betwr for yofir fubftantial thrifty Curmudgeon in 
Wk, Sir? 

OU Thou art a profufe young R.oguc indeed. 

Ntvi 



X 14 the Plain-Dealer^ 

Nov. So much for talking; whicfi t ^fiinlc I 
hare prov'd- a mark of Wit j and Co it K2MM, 
Roaring, and making a Noife : for. Railing {s Saicyr, 
yon know ; and Roaring, and making a Koifej 
Humour. 

Emer to them Fidelid, tahng Manly tJUtf mid 
pmiiing-bim a Taftr. 

Ftl The Hoar is betwitt feren and eight exaAIyi 
'tis now half an Hour after fix. 

Man. Well, go then to the Piazza, and wait for me ; 
■5 foon as it is quite dark, I'll be with you : I muft 
^y here yet a while for my Friend. Bnt is Railing, 
Satyr, Nevtl .' [_Exit Fid. 

Frtt. And Roaring, and making a Noife, Humour * 

Nov. What, won't yon confels there's Humour ia 
Roaring, and making a Noife. 

Fret. No. 

Nov. Nor in catting Napkins and Hang^gs i 

Mm. No fare. 

Nov. Dull Fops ! 

OU. O Rogue, Rogue, infipid Rogue ! Nay, Gen-^ 
tiemen, allow him choie things for Wit | for hie 
Parts He only that way. 

Nov. Peace, old Fool, I wonder not at thee ; but 
that young Fellows fhou'd be fo dull, as to (ayj there's 
DO Humour in making a Noife, and breaking Win- 
dows ! I tell you, there's Wit and Humour too, in 
both : And a Wit is as well known by tiis Frolick^ 
as by his Smile. 

Old. Pure Rogue ! there's your modern Wit for 
you ! Wit and Humour io breaking of Windovn ! 
There's Mifchief if you will ; bnt no Wit of Hu- 
mour. 

Nev. Prithee, prithee peace, old Fool, I tell you^ 
where there's Mifchief, there's Wit. Don't wceftftem 
the Monkey a Wit amongft Bealls, only becaufe he's 
mifcbievous ? And let me tell you, at good Natnre 

■ if 



The PUtH-umer. tij 

is a iflgn of a Fool, being mifchievous, is a iign 
of a Wit. I 

Old, O Rogue, Rogne ! pretend to be a Wic, 
by ' doing Mifchief and Railing. 

ihv. Why, thou old Fool, haft no ether pretence 
to the Name of a Wit, but by railing at new PUys. 

Old. Thou, by Railing at that facetioas, noble way 
of Wit, qaibling. 

Uov. Thou call'ft thy duUnefs, gravity ; and thy 
dozing, thinking. 

Old. You, Sir, your dulneG, fpleen: and you talk 
much and fay nothing. 

Nov. Thou read'ft much, and nnderftand'ft no- , 
thing. Sir. 

OU. You laugh loud, and break no Jeft. 

Nov. You rail, and no body hangs himfelf : And 
diou haft nothing of the Satyr, but in thy Face. 

Old. And you h^jre no Jeft, but your Face, Sir, 

Nov. Thou ait an illiterate Pedant. 

Old, Thou art a Fool, with a bad Memory. 

Man. Come, a Pox on you both, you have done 
Uke Wits now ; for you Wits, when yon quarrel, 
never give over till ye prove one another Fools. 

Nw. And you Fools have never any occafion of 
laughing at us Wits, but when we quarrel : there- 
fore let us be Friends, Oldfox. 

Man. They are fuch Wits as thou art, who make 
the Name of a Wit as fcandalous as that of Bully; 
and fignifte a loud-laughing, talking, incorrigible 
Coxcomb j as Bally, a roaring, hardned Coward. 

Frtt. Ajid wou'd nave his noife and laughter paTs 
for Wit ; as t'other his hufiing and bluOiing, for 
Courage. 

Enttr Vcrnifh. 

Mm, Gentlemen^ with yonr leave, here is one I 
von'd rpeak with, and I have nothing to fay to you. 

[Pail 'tm em tftbi Room. 
Manet 



Ii6 the PUm-Deaierl ' '■ 

Manet Manly^ Vernifii.' 

Vir* I Cold yon 'twas in vain, to think of gtkin^ 
^loney oat of her : (he fays, if a ShiUing wou d do't, 
fhe wQu'd not fave you frotn ftarving or hanrang^ 
or what you wou'd think worfe, begg^ or flattering j 
and rails fo at yon, one woU'd not think you had 
lay'n with lier. 

Man. Of Friend, nerer tinft for that matter, a 
Womani railing : for Jbe Is no lels a dUTembler ia 
her hatred than her love : And as her fondnefs of hetf 
Hasbund is a ilgn he's a Cuckold, her railing at ano^ 
'ther Man is a fign fbe lies with him. 

f^er. He's in the right on't : I knOw not what to 
trufl to. l4fiU. 

Man. But yoa did not take afty notice of it to 
her, I hope ? . 

Fer. So I- ..--Sare he is afraid Ifiioa'd have dif- 
prov'd him , by an enquiry of her : all may be 
well yet [_AfiJe. 

Man. What haft thou in thy Head, chat makes thee 
feem fo unquiet? 

Vtr. Only this bafe, impudent Womans falfenefi i 
X cannot put her out of my Head. * 

Man. O my dear Friend, be not yoa too fenfiUe 
of my wrongs, for then I fliall feel 'em too vnth 
inore pain, and think 'em unfufierable. Damn her, 
her M6ney, and that ill-natur'd Whore too, Fortane 
her felf; but if thou wou'dil cafe a little my pivfenc 
troable , prithee go borrow me fomewhere cUe 
Ibme Money : I can trouble thee. 

Vtr. You trouble me indeed, moft fenlibly, whed 

J'ou command me any thing I cannot do : I have 
ately loft a great deal of Money at Play, more 
than I can yet pay ; fo that not only my Money, but 
my Credit too is gone, and know not where to bdnow j 
but cou'd rob a Church for you. (Yet woa^d rather 
cad your Wants^ by catting yoar Xhroac) iJfidt, 



The PhiH'Dealer. nj 

Man. Nay, then I doubly feel my poverty, Hnce 

Fid incapable of fupplying thee. [Embraett VeroiQi. 
Vtr. But, methinks, Oie that granted you the lail 

EaTOur, ('as they call it) fliou'd not deny you any 

thing 
Nvo. Hey, Tarpaulin, have yoa done ? 

[Novel looks in^ andretirei ugaiii. ' 

Ver. I underlland ndt that point of itindnefs, I 
confefs. 

Man. No, thou doft not underftand it, and I have 
not time to let you know all now, for ihefe Fools, 
you fee, will interrupt us j but anon, at Supper, 
we'll iaugh at leifure together, at Olivia's Cuckold; 
who took a young Fellow, that goes between his 
Wife and me, for a Woman. 

r«-. Ha ! 

Man. Senfelefs, eaTie Rafcal ! *cwas no wonder ihe 
cbofe him for a Hosband j but flie thought him, 
I thank her, fitter than me, for that blind, bearing 
Office. . 

f^ir. I cou'd not be deceiv'd in that long Womant 
Hair ty'd up behind ; nor thofe infallible proofs, 
her poming, fwelting Brealts : 1 have handled too 
many fare not to know 'em. [ J^e: 

Man. What, you wonder the Fellow coD'd be liich 
a blind Coxcomb ? 

Ver. Yes, yes—— , [Novel lookt in again, and rttka. 

Nov. Nay, prithee come to us, M^nly ; Gad, alt 
the fine things one fays in their Company, are loft 
without thee. 

Afa»...Away, Fop, I'm bufie yet. , 

You fee we cannot talk here at our eafe ; befiJes^' 
I muft be* gone immediately, in order to meedngi 
with Olivia again to Night. 

Fer. To Night ! it cannot be, fure ''— 

Matt. I had an appointment juft now from her.] 

Vtr. For what time ? 

Man. At half an Hoar after feven precifely.' 

Ver. Don't yoa apprehend the Husband ! 

I U,al 



m8 The PiaiM' Dealer. 

Man. He ! fnivelling Gull ! he a thing to be fear'd I 
a Husband ! the tameft of Cceatares ! 

yer. Very fine ! [y^jf/e. 

Man. But, prithee, in the mean time, go try to 
get me fome Money. Tho' thou art too modeit to 
borrow for thy felf, thou canft do any thing for me, 
I know. Go i for I muft be gone to Olivia : go, . 
and meet me here anon.— — -/rfeiwdiK, where are 
you ? [ Exit Manly. 

Mamt Vernini. 

f^ef. Ay, nt meet with you, I warrant j bnt it 
fliall be at Olivia's. Sure it cannot be ; (be denies it 
ib calmly, and with that honeft, modefi afTurancc, 

it can*t be true and he does not ufe to lye 

but belying a Woman, when file won't be kind, is 
the only lye a brare Man will leaft fcniple. But then 
the Woman in Mans Cloaths , whom he calls a 

Man well, but, by her Breafts, I know her to 

be a Woman : But then, again, his appointment 

from her, to meet with him to Night ! I am diftraded 
more with doubt than jealoufle. Well, I have no 
way to difabufe or revenge my felf, but by going 
home immediately, putting on a tiding Suit, and pre- 
tending to my Wife the fame buHnefs which carry'd 
me out of Town laft, requires me a^in to go Pofl to 
Oxford to Night ; then, if the appomtment he boafts 
of^be true, its fure to hold ; and I fliall hare an oppor- 
tunity either of clearing her, or revenging my felf 
on both. Perhaps (he is his Wench, of an old date, 
and 1 am his Cally, whilft I think him mine ,* and 
he has feem'd to make his Wench rich only that I 
might take her off his hands : or if be has but lately 
lain with her, he mull: needs difcover, by her, my 
treachery to him ; which I'm fare he will revenge 
wich my Death, and which I muft prevent with his, 
if it were only bat for fear of his too jufl Reproaches; 
for, 1 muft confels, I never had till now any excufe, 

but 



Th€ Plain-Dealer. up 

but that of Ittt'reff, for doiiig ill to tiim. 

[£«* VerniDi. 

kfmter Manly sni Freeman. 

Man. Come hither^ ortly , I favj be fare yoti 
miftake not the time ,• yoa know the Honfe exaAly 
tt'hece Olivia lodges ; 'ds jaft hard by. 

JPVw. Yes, yes. 

Man. Veil then, bring 'em all, I fay, thither, and 
all you . know that may be then in the Honfe ; for 
the more Wiueflies I have of her infamy, the greatec 
will be my rflretige i and befare yon coitiemeighc 
up to her Chamber, without inore ado. Here, taSH'i 
the Watch, you fee 'tis above a qu^er pail feven ; 
be there in half an Hour exadly. 

Free. Yon need not doubt my diligence, or dex- 
terity ; I am an old Scowrer, and can nanirally beat 
Up a Wenches Quarccra that won't be civil. Shan't 
we break her Windows too ? 

Man. No, 00 j be pondual only. [Eittim amh. 

Mntfr Widni' Bl^ckacre, and mo Knights <f tht 
Pe/? J « Waiter With Wmt. 

Wii. Sweet-heart, afe yob fare the Door wa^ 
Jhnt clofe, that ndne of thofe Hoyfiers faw us come 
in? 

W»t. Yes, Miflrefs ,- and yoa fball have a privatec 
Rootin above, inilantly. [Ex. Walti 

md. Yoli are fafe enongb, Gentlemen, for I have 
been private in this Houfe e're now, upon other oc^ 
cations, when I was Ibmething yotinger. CoiA^,^ 
Gentlemen, in ftort, I leave my bulinefs to your 
care add fidelity ; and fo, here's to yoQ. 

X Knight. We were ungrateful Rogues, if we ftoa*d 
floe be honeft to you j for we have had a great deal 
ef yonr Mofiey. 

la fTfJii 

D,l...:;, Google 



lao The Flam-Dealer, 

Wid, And you have done me many a good job for'c S 
and fo, here's to yon again. 

2 Knight. Why, we have been perjur'd but fix times 
for you. 

1 Yinigbt. Forg'd but foar Deeds, with your Hus- 
bands laft Deed of Gtfc. . 

2 Knight. And but three Wills. 

I Knight. And counterfeited Hands and Seals to 
fome fix Bonds : I think that's all. Brother. 

Wid. Ky, that's alljGentlemen ; and fo here's to 
you again. 

z Knight. Nay, 'twou'd do ones Heart good, to 
be fotfworn for yoii,- you have a Confcience in 
your ways, and pay us well. 

I Knight- You are in the right on't. Brother ; one 
woud be damn'd for her, with nil ones Heart. 

z Knight. But there are Rogues, who make us for- 
fworn for 'em ,• and when we come to be paid, they'll 
be forfworn roo^ and not pay us our Wages, which 
they promis'd with Oaths fufficienr. 

1 Kmght. Ay, a great Lawyer, that fliall be name- 
lefs, bllkt me too. 

Wid. That was hard, methinks, that a Lawyer 
Ihoo'd ufe Gentlemen Witnefles no better. 

2 Knight. A Lawyer I d'ye wonder a Xawyer (hon'd 
do't ? 1 was bilk'd by a Reverend Divine, that 
preaches twice on Sundays, and pniys half an hour 
ilill before Dinner. 

Ifid. How,? a Confcientious Divine, and not pay 
People for damning themfelves! Sure then, for all 
bi^ talking, he does not believe Damnation. But 
come , to our Bufinefs : pray be fure to imitate 
exaiSiy the flouriili at the end of this Name. 

[^PuSi out a D- ed or two. 

1 Knight. O, he's the befl in England, at untangling 
a flounm. Madam. 

■ ITtd. Aid lee not the Seal be a ;ot bigger : obferve 
well the da{h too, at the end of this Name. 

2 Kaigbf. I warrant you. Madam. 

md. 



The flain'Deahr. lij 

TftJ. Well thefe, and many other ffiifts, poor Wi- 
dows are put to fometinies ,- for every Body wou'd 
be riding a Widow, as they fay, and breaking into 
her Jointure ; ihey think marrying a Widow an eafie 
bufinefs, like leaping the Hedge, where another has 
gone ovci- before j a Widow is a meer Gap, a Gap 
with them. 

Enter to them Major Oldfox, with two Walters'. , 

\Tbt Knights <f the Vofi hudMe up theWritiags. 
What, he here I go then, go, my Hearts, ^ou have 
your inftrudions. \_Ex. Knighit of the Tofi. 

OU. Come, Madam, to be pl;iin with you, I'll be 
fob'd off no longer, 1*11 bind her and gag her, but 
flie fliail hear me. [Wyfdfe, 

Look you. Friends, there's the Money I promis'd 
you ; and now do you what you promis'd me : here 
are ray Garters, and here's aXjag ; you fhall be ac- 
quainted with my Parts, Lady, you fhall. 

IViJ. Acquainted with your Parts I A Rape, a 

Rape what, will you ravifh me ? [The Waiters tya 

bar to the Chair ^ and Gag her, and Ex. 

Old, Yes, Lady, I will ravifti you j but it Ihall be 
through the Ear, Lady, the Ear only, with my well 
pen'd Acrofticks. 

Enter to tbsm Freeman, Jerry Blackacre, three Saj- 

M'Sf a Conjiable and hit Alfifi'-ntSi with the two 

Knights of the Tofi. 

What, fliall I never read my things undifturVd again ? 

y.err. O Law I my Mother bound Hand and Foot, 
and gaping, as if Ihe rofe before her time to Day. 

Free. What means this, Oldfox^ But, 1*11 rcleafc 
you from him : you Ihall be no Man's P'rifoner, but 
mine. Baylifis, execute your Writ. 

[Freeman unties her. 

I 5 oii. Nay; 



%%% the fUinVeater'. 

OU. ^ay^ then HI he gone, for fear of being Bail, 
^d paying her Debts without being her Hasbap^. 

[E^fir Oldfpx. 

I Bay. We ^rreft you in the King's Name, at the 

Suit of Mr. Frtemaa, Quardian to Jeremiah Blackscre, 
^fgj in an Adion of ten thoufands Pounds. 

mJ. Howl how! in a Choak-Bayl Adion ! What, 
and the Pen and Ink Gentlemen, taken too ! have 
you coiifeft, you Rogues ? 

I Knight. We needed noc to confefs ; for the Bay- 
lifli dog'd us luther to th^ very Door, and over- 
heard all that yon and wc'faid. 

ff^d. Undone, undone then ! no Man was ever 
l^oo hard for ipe till tiow. Q Jem, Child, wilt thou 
vex again the Womb that bore thee ? 

Jerr. Ay, for bearing me before Wedlock, as you 
lay : But I'll teach you to call a Blackacre a Baftacd, 
tho* you wei* neyer fo much my Mother. 

Wid. Well, I'm undone; not one trick left? no 
Law-Meulli imaginable ? [ ^jp^*: 

Cruel, Sir, a word with yop, I pray. 

Free. In vain. Madam ; for you have no other way 

^o releafe your felf, but by the Bonds of Matrimony. 

" ffld. How, Sir, how ! that were but to fuc out 

an Hiheis CoTfus, for a rcpioval from one PrtTpn tQ 

another. Matrimony .' 

Free. Well, BaylifTs, away with her. 

^d. O (tay. Sir, can you be fo cruel, as to bring 
mc lender Covert-Baton again ? and put it out of 
iny power to fue in tpy own }ij[ame. Matrimony 
to a Woman is worfe than Excommunication, in 
depriving her of the benetic of the l!aw : and I wou'd 
rather be depriv'd of Life. But hark you. Sir, I 
am contented yon fliou'd hold and enjoy my Perfoq 
by Leafe or Patent, but not by the Spiritual Patent, 
call'd a Licence ; that is, to have the Privileges of 
k Husband, without the Dominion ; that is. Durante 
bene pkcito: in consideration of which, t will out of 
&y Jointure, fecure you an Anniuty of three hundred 

Pounds 



T'be Tlain-Dealer. 113 

Ponnds a Year, and pay your Debts j and that's all 
you younger Brotheis defire to marry a Widow for, 
Yxa lure. 

Fnt, Well, Widow, if 

Jerr. What, I hope, Bnlly-Guardian, you are not 
making Agreements without me i 

Fr*t. No, no. Firft, Widow, yon mnft fay no 
more that he is a Son of a Whore ; have a care of 
that : And then, he mnft have a fettled Exhibition 
of forty potuids a Year, and a Nag of Aflizes, kept 
by yon, but not upon the Common j and have 
free ingre^, egrefs and regrefs to and from your 
Maids Garret. 

JftL Well, I can grant all that too. 

j€rr. Ay, ay, fair Words butter no Cabbage ^ but, 
Goardian, make her Sign, Sign and Seal: for other- 
wife, if yon knew her as well as I, you wou'd not 
[Tuft her Word for a Farthing 

Fret. I warrant thee. Squire. Well, Widow, fince 
thou art fo generous, I will be generous too ; and 
if youH fecure me four hundred ponnd a Year, 
but during your Life, and pay my Debts, not above 
a thoufand Pound j I'll bate you your Perfon, to 
difpofe of as you pleafe. 

md. Have a care. Sir, a Settlement without a 
Confideration, is void in Law : yon muft do fome- 
thing kft. 

Fne. Prithee, then let the Settlement 00 me be call'd 
Alimony : and the Confideration, our Separation : 
Come, my Lawyer, with Writings ready drawn, is 
within, and in hafte. Come. 

ffid. But, what, no other kind of conHderation, 
Mr. Framm i well, a WidowJI fee, is a kind of a>w 
cure, by cnftom of which the unconfcionable Incum- 
bene enjoys the Profits, without any Duty, but does 
thac iltll elTewhcre. I Ex. ommu 



I4 7U 

D,l.z.:;,C.OOg|i: 



1X4 ^* TlainDtaler, 

The Scene changes to Olivia'j Lo^if^' 

Eater OHvia wUb a Candle in her Hand. 

Oliv. So, I am now prepar'd once more for myij-! 
morous young Lo?er's Reception : my Husband is 
gone ; and go ihoa out too, thou next Interrupter 

of Love [ Putt out the Candle.'] kind Darknefs, 

that frees ns Lovers from Scandal and Baftifulnefi, 
from the Cenfure of our Gallants, and the World— 
So, are you there i 

Ester to OHvia, Fidelia, foliow'^fofily hj Manly. 

Come, my dear pundual Lover, there is not fuch 
another in the World, thou haft Beauty and Youth to 
pleafe a Wife ; Addrefs and Wit, to amufe and fool a 
Husband ; nay, thou haft all things to be wilh'd in 3- 
Lover, but your Fits : I hope^ my Dear, you won't 
have one to Night ; and that you may not. Til lock 
the Door, tho' there be no need of it, but to lock 
out your Fits ,' for my Husband is juft gone out of 
Town again. Come, where are you ? 

£ Goes to the Doer, and locki it. 

Man. Well, thou haft Impudence enough to give 
me fits too, and make Revenge it felf impotent, hin- 
der me from making thee yec more infamous, if 'v. 
can be. {^Afde, 

oiiv, Come, come, my Soul, come. 

Fid. Prefently, my Dear, we have time cnough> 
fur-e. . 

Oliv. Hoy ! Time enough ! True Lovers can no 
inore think they ever have Time enough, than Love 
pnough: Youfliall flay with me alt Night; but that 
fs but a Lover's Moment. Come, 

D3l,z^:;,. Google 



The fIai»-Dealer. ixc 

fU But won't you let me give yen and my felf the 
Sarisfa<aion of telling you how I abus'd your Husband 
laftNight? 

Olhf. Not when yon can gire me, and your felf 
coo,' the Satisfadion of abufing hjm again to Night, 
Come. 

i?</. Let me but tell you hbwyour Husband-^— 

Olhf. O name not hiSj or Manly s more loathfoma 
Name, if you Io?e me ,■ I forbid *em laft Night s 
And you know I mentioned my Husband but once,' 
and he came. No talking, pray, 'twas ominous to 
us. You make me fancy a Noife at the Door already, 
but I'm refoiv'd not to be interrupted. [ A Noife at 
the Door.l Where are you? Come, for, rather than 
lofe my dear Expedation now, tho' my Husband 
were at the Door, and the bloody Ruffian Ma»h 
here in the Room, with all his awful Infolence, 1 
wou'd give my felf to this dear Hand, to be led a- 
way, to Heavens of Joys, which none but thou canft 
give. But what's this Noife at the Door ? So, I told 
you what talking wou'd come to. [Tie Noife at the 
Doer imreafti.'] Hal— ^O Heavens, my Husband's 
Voice I _ [OW^xsi lifitns at the Door, 

Man. Fr«wtf» is come too foon. S^Afdt. 

Oliv. O, 'tis hel— — Then here's the happieft Mi- 
nute loft, that ever bafiiful Boy, or trifling Woman 
fool'd away I I'm undone I my Husband's Reconcile- 
ment too was faffe, . as my Joy, all Dclufion : But 
conie this way, here's a Back-door. 

[_Exit, and returml 
The officious Jade has lock'd us in, inftead of. lock- 
ing others oat j but let us then efcape your way, by 
the Balcony ; and whilft you pull down the Curtains, 
I'll fetch from my Clofet, what next will beft fecure 
our Efcape : I have left my Key in the Door, and 
'twill not fuddenly be broke open. [ Exit. 

[ A Noife as it were People forcing the Door. 

Man. Stir not, yet fearing nothing. 

Fitl' Nothing but your Life, Sir. 

Mao. We 



,i6 The PU/H-Dealer. 

Man. We Ihall know this happy Man (he calls Has^ 
band. 

Olivia n-intert. 

Oliv. Oh, where are yon ? What, idle with fear > 
Coine, I'll tie the Curtains, if yoa wilt hold. Here, 
take this Cabinet and Piufe, for it is thine> if we e- 
fcape: [ Manly takes from her tbt Cahhep and Pvrji. 

cheieiore let us make haiie. [Sx. Oliv. 

Man. 'Tis min^ indeed now again, and it iliaU ne- 
ver efcape more from me, to yon, at leaft. 

\_'TheDaer hrohe cpeut Enter Vemifii akne, with a Jart 
ZuMtbem and a Sword, running ^it Manly, wboArawsy 
puts bj tbt Thrufiy and defends blmfelf, whilfi Fidelia 
rtms at Verniih behind. 

Ver. So, there I'm right fare— [»7/i a low Voice. 

Man. fefrly. Sword and dark Lanthom, Villain, are 
fome odds ,- bat— — 

Ver. Odds ! I'm fure I find more odds than I expeft- 

ed : What, has my infatiable two Seconds at once ? 

Bat— \Witb a low Voice. 

[ Whilfi tbg fgbt, Olivia re-enters^ 

tjing two Curtains together. 

Oliv. Where are you now? - - —What, is he en> 
tred then, and are they fighting ? O do not kill one - 
that can make no defence. [Manly throws Vernifii 
down, and difarms htm. ] How ! but I think he has the 
better on't : Here's hb Scarf, 'tis he. So, keep him 
down Aill : I hope thou haft no hart, my deareft > 

[ Emhadt^ Manly. 



;,■ Google 



Tie Thin-Vti^ler. sxr 



Enttr to thtm Freraian, Lard PlanHblo, Novel, Jerry 
BiickzaCj and tit Widow 6tackacre,%ife^iB by tkt 
two SaUort with Torebts. 

Hal what? — Ateify/ And hare I been thu» 

pwceni'd for him, emlvadog him I And has he his 
Jewels again too ? >Vbar means this ? O, 'tis coo fare, 
as well as my Shame ! which I'll go hide for erer. 

[C^trs to go out, and Manly fiops htr^ 

Man. No, my deareit,. after fo much K^indnefs as 
has paft between as, I cinnot part with you yet. B-w- 
jHMj let no Body Qir ont of the Room ; for notwith> 
Handing your Lights, we are yet in the Dark, 'till 

(bis Gemleman picafe to tnrn his Face 

[ PiiSi Vernifil ty the Sleeve'. 
How .' Vtrn^! Art thon the happy Man then ? Thou! 
Thou ! fpeakj I fay ; bat thy guilty filence tells me 
all well, I (hall not upbraid thee ; for my Won- 
der is ftriking me as damb, as thy Shame has made 
thee. Bat what? my little Volunteer hurt, and 
fainting ! 

Ftd. My Voand, Sir, is but a (lite one in my Arm ; 
'lis only my fear of yoar danger. Sir, not yet weU 
orer. 

Man, But what's here i more firange things ! 

[ Ohjerving Fidelia'j Hair unl/d beb'mdj and 
without a Peruke, -which jke lofi in the Scu0e. 
^hat means this long Woman's Hair, and Face! 
Now all of it appears too beautiful for a Man ; whidi 
I flill thought Womanifh indeedj what^ you have not 
deceived me too, my little Volunteer i 

Olrv. Me Jhe has, I'm fure. [ Afid4, 

fdtm* Speak. 



;, Google 



1x8 The Tlaiif Dealer. 



Enter Eliza ani Letcice. 

EUx^ What, Coufin, I am brought hither by yonr 
Womaiij I fuppofe, to be a Wicncfs of the fecond 
Vindication of your Honour ? . 

Oliv. Infulting is not generous: You might Tpare 
me, I have you. 

EliK>. Have a care, Confin, you'll confefi anon too 
mach i and I wou'd not have your Secrets. 

Man. Come, your Bluflies anfwerme fufficiently, 
and you have been my Volunteer in Love. 

ITo Fidelia. 

Fid. I muft confefs, I needed no Compulfion to 
follow you all the World over j which I accempccd in 
this Habit, partly out of Shame to own my Love to 
you, and fear of a greater Shame, your Refufal of 
it : for I knew of your Engagement to this Lady, and 
the Conftancy of your Nature ^ which nothing cou'd 
have alter'd, but her felf. 

Mm. Dear Madam, I defir'd you to bring me out 
of Confufion, and you have given me more : I know 
not what to fpeak to you, or how to look upon you j 
theSenfe of my rough, hard, and illUfage of you, 
Ctho' chiefly your own Fault) gives me more Pain 
now 'tis over, than you had, when you fufFer'd it: 
And if my Heart, the Refufal of fuch a Woman, 
\_Foiming to Olivia J were not a Sacrifice to prophane 
your Love, and a greater Wrong to you than ever 
yet I did you j I wou'd beg of you to receive it, tho* 
you us'd it, as flie had done ; for tho* it deferv'd not 
from her the Treatment (he gave it, it does froni 
you. 

Fid. Then it has had Punifhment fufficient for her ' 
already, and needs no more from me ,■ and, I muft 
confefs, I wou'd not be the only caufe of makings 
yon break your laft Night's Oath to me, of never part- 
ing with me ; if you do not forget, or repent it. 

Man. Then 



The Plain Dealer, 1x9 

Afan. Then take for ever my Heart, and this with 
it ; [G/wi her the Cahhet. ] for 'twas given to you be-. 
fore, and my Heart was before your due j I only beg 
leave to dilbofe of thefe few-i — Here, Madam, I 
never yet left ray Wench unpaid., [ TakttJ^me 

cf the Jevfelj, and offers 'em to Olivia ; fiie Jtritti 
'em down : Plauiible and Novel takt *em uf. 

OUv. So it feems, by giving her the Cabinet. 

i. Tlauf. Thefe Pendents apperrain to your moft 
faithful humble Servant. 

Nov. And this Locket is mine j my earn'efl for 
Love^ which Ihe never paid : therefore my own a- 
gain. 

fVtd. By what Law, Sir, pray ? Coufin Olivia^ a 
word: What do they make a Seifure on your Goods 
and Chattels, -yi & arma? Make your Demand, I 
fay, and bring your Trover, bring your Trover. I'll 
follow the Law for you. 

Oli-v. And I my Revenge. {_Exit. Oliv. 

A/^». to ^er. But 'tis my Friend, in your Confidera- 
tion moft, that t would have return'd part of your 
Wife's Portion ; for 'twere hard to take all from thee, 
fince thou haft paid fo dear for't, in being fuch a Ra- 
fcal : Yet thy Wife is a Fortune without a Portion g 
and thou art a Man of that extraordinary merit ia 
Viyany, the World and Fortune c^m never defert 
thee, tho' I do } therefore be not melancholly. Fare 
you well. Sir. [ Ex. Vernifli doggedly. Now, Madam, 
1 beg your Pardon, f 7«r«;»g ;o Fidelia] for leffen- 
ing the Prefent I maJe you ; but my Heart can ne- 
vef be leffen'd : This, I confefs, was too fmall for 
you before ; for "you deferve the Indian World j and I 
would now go thither, out of Covetoufnefs for your 
fake only. 

Fid. Your Heart, Sir, is a Prefent of that Value, 
I can never make any return to'tj [PuBmg Man- 
ly frcm the Comfony.'] but I can give you back fuch a 
Prefent as thisj which I got by ihe Lofs of my Father, 
a Gentleman of the North, of no mean Extradion, 

whofe 



i\Q the Pla'uhbealef. 

whofe only Child I was. tbierefore left me in the pter 
ient Poffeffion of two thouCand Pouiids a Yearj which 
I left with muiiitudes of Pretenrlcrs, to f'-' ^jw you. 
Sir ,• having in feveral publick Praces leti you, and 
obfcrv'd your AAions throughly, with Admiration, 
when you were too much in Love to take notice of 
nine, which yet was but too vifible. The Natne of 
my Family is Grty, my other Fidtlia .- The reft of my 
Story you fliall know when I have fewer Aaditots. - 

Msn. Nay, now, Madam^ you have taken froni 
ine all power of making yon any Complement on 
ihy part ; for I was going to tell yoii, tlut for your 
fake only, I wou'd quit the unknown Pleafnre of 
a Retirement ; and rather flay in this ill World of onrs 
fiilt, tho* odious to me, than give you more Frights 
again at Sea, and make ae;ain too great a Venture 
there, in you alone. But ifl ftiou'd tell you now all 
this, and that your Virtue Cfince greater than t 
thought any was in the World ) had now recbncil'd 
ne tot, my Friend here wou'd fay, 'tis your Eftatc 
that has made me Friends with the World. 

Frte. 1 mult coofe&, I fhou'd j for I think moft of 
bur Quarrels to the World, are juil fuch as we have 
to a haudfome Woman : only becaufe we cannot eh- 
joy her as we wou'd do. 

Man. Nay, if thou art a Tlam-Jealer too, give hie 
Ay Hand ; for now I'll lay, I am thy Friend indeed : 
And for your twofakes, tno' I have been fo lately 
deceiv'd in Friends of both Sexes j 

I wiU htUtve there art muf in tht tVerU 
Cood-natur'd Friends f mho are not Profiitittts, 
^nd bandfome W«mtn worthy to he Friends : 
Tit, fir my fake, let w «m e're cmjide 
Jn Tear J, or Oathi, in Love^ or Friend untiy'd. 

[£x.0mMA 



FINIS. 



..Google 



EPILOGUE. 

Spoken by the WUojp Blackflcre, 

To you the JuJgti lumuJ in Sugt-Laws, 
Our Pott mm, by mt, fuhmiu his CMi/i ; 

Per witb young Juigti, fucb ms mefi ofytUf 

Tie Men by Womtn bifiy thtir Bufinift Jo : 

And, Truth mt tjj if you did not fit here. 

To keep for mm a Term tbrougbout tht Ttar, 

Wt cou'd not live hy'r Toques: Nay, but for yOH, 

Our Cbanther-p^a&ict woudbe little too, 

Ani 'tit not only the Stage-PraBicer 

Wboj by your metting^ ettt htr Living btrt $ 

Ftr, at in Hsllof WettOliafteTj 

Sleek Stmffirtft vmtt, amidfi the Cmrts, her Ware : 

So, while wt baulf *nd ym in Jut^ment fit, 

TheVifn^MMsk fells Linen too ttb' Pit. 

0, matfy efyonr Friendi, befidet ut btre. 

Do live by fatting off tbtirjevral Wgre, 

Ben's daily done tbi great Affair o'tb' Nation ; 

let Live md Us I ben, ne'er have Lmg-Vaeatim. 

£m helA j likt ether Pleadertf I have dene 

Not my foor Clients Buj'ntfs, but my ffwn. 

Spare me « Iferd then, new, for bim. Firfi knnv'f 

Sqifirei if the Long-Robe, be dees humbly Phw, 

lie has ajufi Right in abufingyea ; 

Baanft he is a brocher-Templar fM .- 

For et the Bar you raiily one another ; 

And, Fool and Knave, is fivalkw' d from a Brother i 

If not the Poet here, the TetaplzT ffare. 

And maul bim, when yon eateb bim at the Bar. 

From you t eur common meitfi Cenfurers, 

TiHr Favour, net your Judgment, 'tis be fears : 

Of all Loves b^tyeu then to rail^ find fault : 1 

Fer Flays, like Women, by the World are tbenght f 

( When yon fftsk kindly <f 'em) wy naught, > 

THE 



;, Google 



THE 

Country-Wife, 

A 

COMEDYi 

AiSed at the 

Xheatre-RoyaL 

Written by Mr. Wycherley. 



InJiinor tjuicquam Ttfrihtniii, mn auia crajje 
Camfofitjtm iUepdnit ^titttr, fid ^uia nujur : 
Ntc vmiam jintiqahj fid bomrem & frtemia fafei^ 

Hontj 



LONDON: 

Pfinted for McbarJ WeHingim, it tte Dtlfiia and 
Cnm in^t. Pairs Chndrltrj. 1711. _j 



■ * 

;, Google 



PROLOGUE 

fpoken by Mr. Hart 

POetSy iilce GuJgeTJ BuUiesi never S 
At firfi^ 9r fecend hhit^.juhmit t0 ymi 
. But aitl prnfcke fon /iill, and nier have Jpnc, 
Till y$u are tveary firfi, with layitig eti: 
7be late fo Baffled Scriiler of this iay^ 
"ThoKgb be flanks tremilrng, iiJs me hoUly fay] 
fVbat we before mefi flays are us'd to do^ 
For Poets out of _ fear^ frfl drapjn you j 
In a fierce Prelogue^ the ftill Fit depe. 
And e'er you fpeak^ like CaQril, give tbelf^i 
But though our Bayfes Battles oft I've feugbt. 
And with hruis'd knuckles^ tbeir deat Conqnefls lougbt ; 
My, never yet fear'd Odds upon tbe Stage^ 
In Prelovte dare not HeBor mtb the ^e. 
But moud take garter from joUr faving hdnds^ 
Though Bayfe toitbin all yielding Countermands, 
Says you Qonfedtrate Wits no garter give^ . 
Jber'fere his Play fban't ask your leave to live i 
Well^ let tbe vain rafh Fop, hy bt^t^fit 
Think to obtain the better terms of you i 
But toe^ tbe A^trs, humbly mS fubmit. 
Now, and at any time, to a full Pit ; ■ 
Nay, often we anticipate your rag^f 
And murder Poets for you, on our Stage i 
Wefet no Guards up onourlyring-Room, 
But aben with fiyi*g Colour s^ there yen fAM, 
We patiently yoH fee, give up to yoU, 
Our Poets, Firyns, nay, our Matrons toOi 

K » ito' 

D,l,z.:;,. Google 



The Perfons. 



MR. Horner. 
Mr. Harcoutt. 
Mr. SarHant, 
Mi. Pinchmfe. 
lAt. Sforkilh, 
Sir Jaffer Fidget, ■ 
Mrs. Margery Pinchmfe. 
Mrs. Alitbea, 
My Lady Fidget, 
Mrs. D««!(> Fidget. 
Mrs. Squea^i/h, 
Pld Lady Squeimilb- 



Mr. //ar/, 
Mr. Xenaftm, 
Mr. Lydat. 
Mr. Mobuft. 
Mr. Haynes. 
Mr. Cartmight. 
Mrs. Bowtel. 
Mrs. 7i»ar«. 
Mrs. ^»f;>. 
Mrs. Corbet. 
Mrs. f^»». 
Mrs. Jfa//ey. 



JVaiterSi Setvants, aW Awendants. 

A (Jaaf^ , Mt. Shotferel. 

Lucy, Alitheds Mild, Mis. 'Cory. 



I'he S'GENE I«!i<ifc«. 



THE 



;,C.oogli: 



THE 

Country- Wife. 

ACT I. SCENE I. 

Enter Hofoer, ^KtJ Quack /oi^o^ng him at a 4i0anft^ 

Htr. A Qvack b as fit for a Vimp, as ^ Mid^ 
/\ ^yife for a Bawd, they ^re {till bnc in 
r"^ their way, both helpers of N^tore.— ^ 

jL Jk- i4fi^^ Well, my dear DoAor, haft 

ch(>9 4oi)¥ wt^t I dcHred i 

^u. I have undone yon for erer with the Vo^ 
men, and reported you throughout the whojbe Tpwa 
3s bad' as an Ei^^eb, with as innch trouble as it I 
had inad^ you one in eamefl. 

iler. But have you told all the Midwifes you koow^ 
the Orange \Venches at the Pl^y-houfes, the City 
}}t^bandsj and ptd Fumbling Keepers of this end of 
the Jo\^n,''ioz th^y 11 t^ the readieft to report it. 

^. I hav^ told, all the Chamber-tnaids, Waving^ 
wqnt^q, Tyfe-wonjeti, gnd Old Women pf my a/a* 
qaaiataince ; nay^'anij w^per'd ii as a f^cret tq 'eta, 
and to the'Whirperers of WbittbaU j fo that you need 
HOC doubt 'twill rprcad,' add you WUI be 9s qdioui^ 
ftiV handfome young Women,' a; ■ 

m. AsthctowUPo^.— T'^— wel l . 



t Ji The Country U^ife. 

^. And to the Married Women of this end of th« 
Town> as 

Hor. As the great ones ; nay, as their own Hus- 
bands. 

^. And to the City Dames as Annis-feed Rahin, 
of nlt^y and contemptible memory ; and they will 
frighten their Children with your Dame, efpecially 
their Females. " * 

Hor.. And cry Hemtr's coming to carry you away ; 
I am only afraid 'twill not be believ'd j you told 
'em it was by an EngU^-Frencb Difafterj and an Eng- 
Mi-Frentb Chirurgeon, who has given me at once, 
hot only a Cnre, but an Antidote for the future^ a- 
gainfl that damn'd Malady, and that worfe Diftem- 
per, L6ve, gnd all other Women's Evils. 

^. Your late Journey into France has made it the 
more credible, and ^oqr being here a Fortnight be- 
fore y'oa appear'd in publick, loohs as if you ap- 
prehended the fhame, which I wonder you do not : . 
^ell I have been hired by young Gallants to belye 
'em t'other way j but you are the fitft wou'd be 
thought a Man unfit for Women. 

■ Her. Dear Mr. Do^or, let vain Rogues be con- 
tented only to be thought abler Men than they 
are, generally 'tis all the pleafure they have j but 
hiine lies another way. 

■ ^. You take, methioks, a very prepofterous way 
to it, .and as ridiculous as if we Operators in Phyiick, 
Apu'd put forth Bills to difparage our Medicaments, 
,~with hopes to gain Cuftomers. 

Hot. Doiftor,' there are Quacks in Love as well as 
Phyfick, who get but the fewer and worfe Patients, 
for thel^ boauing ; a good Name is feldom got by 
■giving it ones felf, and Women no more than Honour 
are compafs'd !}¥ bragging: Come, come Doftor, the 
Wiftft Lawyer never difcovers the merits ofhiscaufe 
till the tryal'j thCwealthieft M^ti conceals his Riches, 
and the cunning Gamefter his Play ; Shy Husbands 
and Keepers, like old Rocks, are not to be cheated, 
but by a new unpra^ic^d ftick j falfc FriendOiip 

will 



The ComtrrWife. 1^3 

will now no more than falfe Dice npon ""em ; no, 
not in ihe City. 

£nrer Boj. 

Bty. Ttieie are two Ladies and a Gentleman com* 
ing up. 

Hor. A Pox, fomc unbelieving Sifters of my former 
acquaintance, who I am afraid,exped their fenfe Ihoa'd 
be (atisfy'd of the falfity of the report. ,Enttr Sirjafp. 

No this formal Fool and Women '. jFid. Ladf Fid. 

Sand Mrs. Dain- 

j^«. His Wifp and Sifter. ity Fidgec 

Sr. Jaf. My Coach breaking juft now before yoor 
door. Sir, I look upon as an occafional reprimand to 
me. Sir, for not kiffing your hands. Sir, lince your 
coming out of Fravct, Sir ; and fo my difafter. Sir, 
has been my good fortune, Sir^ and* this is my 
Wife, and Sifter, Sir. 

Her. What then. Sir? 

Sr. Jnf. My Lady, and Sifter, Sir. Wife, this 

is Matter Horner. 

La. Fid. Mafier Hmiery Husband ! 

Sr. Jaf. My Lady, my Lady Fidgity Sir. 

Hor. So, Sir, 

■St. Jaf Won't you be acquainted with her Sir ? 
[So the report is true, I find by liis coldnefs or areiw 
fion to the Sex ; but I'll play the wag with him.] 

Pray falute my Wife, my Lady, Sir. 

Hot. I will kifs no Man's Wife, Sir, for him Sir ^ 
I have t^ken my eternal leave. Sir, of the Sex al- 
ready. Sir. 

Sr. Jaf Hah, hah, hah ; I'll plague him yet. {J^de. 
Not know my Wife, Sir ? 

Hor. I do know your Wife, Sir, flie's a Woman, 
Sir, and confequently a Monfter, Sir, a greater 
Monfter than a Husband, Sir. 

Sr. Jaf' A Husband j how. Sir ? 

K 4 HfW.So, 



1^4 "^^^ Country Wife, 

Hor. So, Sir ; but I make no moie Cuckolds, Sir 
{maius borm. 

Sr. Jaf. Hah, hah, hah. Mercury^ Mercury. 

La.Ftd. Pny^Sit Jaf^r, let US be gone from thi« 
rude Fellow. 

Mrs. Daint. Who, by his breeding, wau'd think, 
he had ever been in France ? 

La. Fid. Foh, he's but too much a Fmch Fellow, 
foch as hate "Women of quality aod vtrtae, for their 
lore to their Husbands, Sir Jeffer ; a Woman is hated 
hy 'e(fi as much for loving her Husband, as fM ba- 
ring their Money : But pray let's be gone, 

Hot. You do well. Madam, for I have nothing 
chat you cam^'for : I have brought over not fo 
much as a Bawdy Pi&ure, new Pofturea, nor the 
fecond Part of the Efcole de FiSes ; Nor-^-^ 

^tf. Hold for fliame. Sir j what d'ye mean ? you'll 
raine your felf for ever with the Sex ■ " 

[afart to Homer. 

Sr. Jaf. Hah, hah, hah, he hates Women perfeft- 
ly I 6nd. 

Da'tn. What pity 'tis he fliou'd. - 

La. Fid. Ay, he's a bafe rude Fellow for't ; but 
affedation makes not a Woman more odious to them, 
than Virtue. 

Hor. fiecaufe your Virtue is your greatell afTeda* 
tion. Madam. 

La. Fid. How, you fawcy Fellow, wou'd you wrong 
my honour ? 

Hor. If I con'd. 

La. fid. How d'ye mean. Sir ? 

5r.- Jaj. Hah, hahj hah, no, be can*t wrong your 
Lady^ip's honour, upon my honour j he poor Man-^ 
hark you in your ear a mere Eumueh. 

La. Fid. O filthy French Beaft, foh, foh j why do 
we itay ? let's be gone j I can't endure the light of 
him. 

Sr. Jaf. Stay, but till the Chairs come, they*U k^ 
|i6ie piefemly. 



The Comtry-mfe. i^y 

La, ftJ. No, no. 

Sr. Jaf Nor can I ftay longer ; 'tis let me 

fee, a quarter and a half quarter of a minnce pait 
Bleven ; the Coimcil Will be late, I matt away ; 
Bufinefs mull be preferred always befwe Love an4 
Ceremony with the wife Mr- Horner. 

Her. And the Impotent Sir Jefftr. 

Sr. Jaf. Ay, ay, the Impotent Mafier Homer , hah, 
bah, hah. 

La. Ftd. What leave as with a lihhy Man alone in 
his Lodgings? 

Sr. Jaf, He's an innocent Mao now, yon know y 
pray ftay, I'll haftcn the Chairs to you.— ^-—— Mr. 
Honur your Servant, I fliou'd bs ghd to fee yon 
at my houfe ; pray come and dine with me, and 
pkiy at Cards with my Wife after Dinner, you arc fit 
for Women at that game yet, hah, ha - ['Tia a« 

much a Husband's prudence to provide innocent dJH 
verikui for a Vife, as to hinder her nnlawfiil ptea-i 
fures ,• and he iiad better employ her, than let her 
employ her fi?lf. ^Mdi. 

Parewel. • [Exit Sir JaJpgr. 

ifcr. . Your Servant Sir Jafptr. 

La. fid. I will not flay with him, foh— — 

Bor. Nay, Madam, I befeech yoo flay, if it be 
but to fee, I can be as civil to Ladies yet, as tbcy 
won'd deiire. 

La. Fid. No, no, foh, you cannot be civil ta 
Ladies. 

DtfM. Yoa as civil as Ladies wou'd defu-e. 

La. Fid. No, no, no, foh, fob, foh. [Uxtmt Ladf 
. Fid. tfW Dainty. 

j^. Now I think, I, or yoa your felf rather, havo 
^ done your bufinefs with the Women. 

Hot. Thon art an Ais, don't you fee already, up- 
on the report and my carriage, this grave Mao of 
boHneQ leaves his Vife in my Lodg^gs, invites me 
to his Honfe and Wife, who before wou'd not ba 
icqoaiated wkh meotit of jealoufie. 

^.Nay, 



i;6 The CouHtryWije. 

^. Nay, ty this means you may be the more ac- 
quainted with the Hasbands, but the lefs with the 
Wives. 

Har. Let me alone, if I can bat abofe the Hus- 
bands, I'll foon difabufe the Wives : Stay I'll 

reclcon you tip the Advantages, I am like to have 
by my Stratagem : Firft, I {nail be rid of all my old 
Acquaintances, the mod infacjable forts of Duns, chac 
invade our Lodgings ia a Morning : And next to 
the pleafure of making a New Miitreb. is that of 
being rid of an old One, and of all old Debts ; 
Love when ic comes to be fo, is paid the moft un- 
willingly. 

^«. Well you may be fo rid of your old Acquain- 
tances ; but how will you get any new Ones ? 

Hot. Doi^or, thou wilt never make a good Chymif^, 
diou art fo incredulous and impatient j ask but alt 
the young Fellows of the Town, if they do not 
lofe more time like HuntTmen, in ftarcing the Game 
ihan in running it down ; one knows not where 
to find 'em, who will, or will not j Women of 
Quality are fo civil, you can hardly diftinguiffj love 
from good breeding} and a Man is often miftaken ; 
but now I can be fure, Ihe that fhews an averfion 
to me loves the fport, as thofe Women that are 
gone, whom I warrant to be right : And then thenexc 
thing, is your Women of Honour, as you call 'em, 
are only chary of their Reputations, not . their Per- 
fons, and 'tis fcan'dal they wou'd avoid, not Men :' 
Now may I have, by the Reputation of an Eunitcb, 
the Privileges of One j and be feen in a Ladies 
Chamber in a Morning as early as her Husband ; 
kifs Virgins before their Parents, or Lovers ^ and 
may be in ftiort the Pas par tout of the Town. Now, 
DoAor. 

■ ^. Nay, now you ftall be the Doi%or j and your 
Procefs is fo new, that we do not know but it may 
liicceed. 

Hor. Not fo new nebher, Prohatum */, Dodor. 

J^. Well, I wifh you luck and many Patients 
wt)int I go to mine. [Exit Quack. ,.. Btttr ' 



^he Country-Wtfi. i;7 

Knter Harcoartj and Dorilanc to Horner. 

Har. Come, your appearance at the Play yefter- 
Azji has I hope hardned you for the future sgainft 
the Womens contempt and the Mens railery ; and 
now you'll abroad as you were wont. 
Hor. Did I not boar it bravely ? 
Dor. With a moft Theatrical Impudence ; nay more 
than the Orange-Wenches ftew there, or a drunken 
Vizard Mask, or a great beHy'd Aftrefs ,■ nay, 
or the moft impudent of Creatures, an ill Poet j 
or what is yet more impudent, a fecood-hand 
Critick. 

Hor. But what fay the Ladies, have they no pity ? 
H^r. What Ladies ? the Vizard Mafques you knov 
never pity a ^an when all's gone, though in their 
Service. 

Dor. And for the Women in the Boxes, you'd 
never pity them, when 'twas in yourpower. 

Har. They fay, 'tis pity but all that deal wiih com-^ 
mon Women ftou'd befervd fo. 

Vi^. Nay, 1 dare fwear, they won't admit you to 
play at Cards with them, goto Plays with 'em, or 
do the little Duties which other Shadows of Men 
are wont to do for 'em. 

Her. Who do you call Shadows of Men j 
Vcr. Half Men. 
Hot. What Boys ? , 

"Dgt. Ay, your old Boys, old heaux Garconit who 
like fuperannuated Stallions are fufFer'd to run, feed, 
and whinny with the Mares as long as they live, 
though they can do nothing elfe. 

Her. Well, a Pox on love and wenchmg. Women 
ferve but to keep a Man from better Company^ 
though I cart't enjoy them. I ftiall you the more; 
good fellowfiiip and £riendfliip, are lafting, rational 
and manly pleafures. 

Har. For all that give me fome of thofe pleafaresj 
yoti call effeminate too, they help to relifli one 
another. fl^"" 



1^8 7^' Conntrj-lVife. 

Hor. They difturb one another. 

Har. No, Miftreffes are like Books j if yon poird 
upoa them too much, they doze you, and make you 
unfii for Company ; but if iwM difcreetly, you are 
the fitter for converfation by 'em. 

Por. A Miftrefs (hou'd be like a little Country Re- 
treat near the Town, not tp dwell in conftantly, 
but only for a Night and away j to tafte. the Town 
the better when a Man returns. 

Hot". I tell you, 'tis ai hard to be agoodF?Ilow, 
9 good Friend, and a Lover of Women, as 'tis to 
be a Rood Fellow, a feood Fri(;nd, and a Lover of 
Money : You cannot follow both, then choofe your 
fide i Wine gives you liberty. Love takes it away. 

Dgr. Gad, he's iq the right on't. 

Hot. Wine gifissyou joy^ |^owe grief and tortures ; 
befides the Chirurgeons Wine makes us witty. Low 
only fots : Wine makes us fleepi Love breaks it, 

X>or. By the World he has reafbn, Hmourt. 

Hur. Wine mqk^S' . , . .. 

Tkir. Ay, Wine min(tes us-:: -i^ake^ us ptincci. 

Love makes us Beggars, poor B-ogyes, y g^d— — an4 
Wine — ' \ 

Her. SOj there's o?^ converted—: — T'Np, n^» f-Q'? 
and Wine, Oil and Vinegar. ' 

Har. I grant it ; Love will ftill be npgernipft. 

Hor. Come, for my part J will h»ve only thofe 
glorious, manly pleafnres of being very dr^nk. Had 
Tcry flovenly. 

^ntcr Boy. 

Boj. Mr. Sparkijh is below. Sir. 

Har. What, my dear Friend ! a Rogue that is fond 
of me, only I think for abating him. 

Dor. No, he can no more think the Men laugh at 
him, than that Women jUc him, his Opindon of him-, 
felf is fo good. 

liar. W«ll 



The CMMtryWife. 1^9 

ttor. Wellj there*s another Pleafure by drlhking, I 
tfiought not of, I Ihall lofe his Acquaintance, becaiA 
Ik cannot drink ; and yea know 'tis a very hard chinA 
CO be rid of him, for he's one of thofe naufeoQs O^ 
ierers at Wit, who like the wotft Fidlers run th«n>- 
felresiflto all Companies. 

Har. One, that by being in the Company of Men 
of Senfe woa'd pafi for one. 

Her. And may fo to the ftion-dghted World, 
as a falfe jewel amon^ trne ones, is not difcern'd 
fit a Diflance j his Company is as troublefome to 
USj as a Cuckolds, when you have a mind to his 
Wife's. 

Har. No, the Rogae if ill not let us enjoy one aho- 
iher, but ravifhes our Conrerfation, though he ligni- 
tes ho more to't, than Sir Martin Mar-aid gaping, 
and auker'd thrumming upon the Lute, does to his 
Man's Voice, and Mufick. 

Dor, And to pafs for a Wit in Town, flicws him- 
(elf a Fool every Night to us, that are gailty of the 
Plot. 

Bar. Such Wits as he, are, to a Company of rea- 
fonable Men« like Rooks to the Gameflers, who on- 
ly fill a Room at the Table, bm are fo far from con- 
tribating to the Play, that they only feive to fpoil 
the Fancy of thofe that do. 

Dor. Nay, they are us'd like Rooks too, fnub'd, 
check'd, and abus'il j yet the Rogues will hang on. 

Hot. a Pox on 'em, and all that force Nature, and 
wou'd be ftill what fhe forbids 'em ,- Affedacion is her 
greatcA Monfter. 

Har. Moll Men are the contraries to that they 
wou'd feem j yoar fiolly yon fee, is a Coward with 
a long Sword j the little humbly fawning Phyfician 
with his Ebony Cane, is he that deltroys Meh. 

D&r. The Ufurer, a poor Rogae, polTefs'd of 
moldly Bonds, and Mongages j and we they rail 
Spend- thrifts, are only wealthy, who lay out hit Mo- 
ney upon daily new Purchafcs of Ploafucc. 

^Hr. Ay, 



140 TbeCsuiurfWife. 

Bar. Ay, yoDr erranteft Cheat, is yon^ Tnified 
or Execncor ; yoar jealous Man, the greateH Cuc- 
kold ; your Chnrch-tnaoj the gieateft Achdft ; and 
yoor noifie pert Rogue of a WiCj the greateft Fc^^ 
dnlkft A&, and worit Ompany, as you fliall fee : 
For here he comes. -^ 

Enter SparkUh to thtm. 

Sfsr. How is't. Sparks, how is't? Veil Faith, 
Harryt I vmi^ railly thee a little, ba^ ha, ha, upon 
die Report in Town of thee, ha, ha, ha, I can't 
bold y Faith ; fhalt I fpeak ? 

Hor. Yes, bac yon'U be fo^itter then. 

S^r. Honed Diet and Frank here fhall anfwer 
&r me, I will not be extreme bitter, by the Uni- 
Terfe- 

Hot. We will be bound in ten thoufand pound Bond, 
be fliall not be bitter at all. 

Dor. Nor (harp, nor fweet. 

Hor. What, not down right'infipid ? 

Spar. Nay then, fince you are lb brisk, and pro* 
voke me, take what follows ; you muft,luiow, I was 
difcoarling and raillying with fome Ladies yefierday, 
and they hapned to talk of the fine new ^gas in 
Town. 

Htr. Very 6ne Ladies I beliere. 

Sjtar. Said I, I know where the beft new Sign is. 
Where, fays one of the Ladies ? In Covmt-GarZnj I 
reply 'd. Said another,' in what Street ? In R»ffilr 
Strtttt anfwer'd I. Lord, fays another, I'm fiire 
there was ne'er a fine new Sign there yeltenlay. Yes, 
but there was, faid I again, and it came one of Franca, 
and has been there a Fortnight. 

Dor. A Pox, I can hear no more, prithee. 

Her. No, hear him out ; lee him tone his Crowd x 
while. 

Bar. The wocit Mufick the greateft Preparation. 

5j|w. Nay> 

D3l,z.^:;,. Google 



Th6 Country- Wife. 141, 

SfM-'' Nay, Faith, I'll make you laogh. Zc cannot 
be, fays a third Lady. Yes, yes, quoth I again^ Says 
a fourth Lady, ■ 

Hor. Look to't, we'll have no more Ladies. 

S<i*r. No,— —then mark, mark, now, faid I to 
the Fouish, did you never fee Mr. Homer ; be lodges 
in RMJfel'^rHtt and he's a Sign of a Man, you know, 
fince he came out of France, heh, hah, he. 

Hot. But the Devil take me, if thine be the Sign 
ofajea. 

Sfar. With that they all fell a laughing, 'till they 
bepils'd thcmfelves ? What, but it does not move 
yoQ, mechinks ? Well, I fee one had as good go to 
Law without a WitneO, as break a Jeil without a 
Laughter on one's fide.' ■■ --Come, come. Sparks, 
but where do we dine^ I have left at Whiteball an Earl 
CO dine with you. 

Dor. Why, 1 thought thou hadft lov'd a Man with 
a Title better, than a Suit with a Frtncb trimming 
to't. 

Har. Go to him again. 

Spar. No, Sir, a Wit to me is the greateft Tide in 
theWld. 

Hor, Bat go.dine with your Earl, Sir, he may be 
exceptions ; we are your Friends, and will not take ic 
ill to be left, 1 do aiture you. 

Har. Nay, Faith, he Ihall go to him. 

Sfar. Nay, pray Gentlemen. 

Dor. We'll thrnft you out, if you wo'not, what 
diCippoint any Body for us ? 

Sfar. Nay, dear Gentlemen, hear me. 

Hor. No, no. Sir, by no means j pray, go. Sir. 

Sfar. Why, dear Rogues. 

[Tbey all thrufi b'tmoHt ef tbe Rmoi. 

Dor. No, no. 

AIL Ha, lia, ha. [ Spar, rttitmt. 

Sfar. But, Sparks, pray heartnej what d'ye think 
111 eat then with gay JhaUow Fops, and Tilenc Cox- 
cotpbs ? I think wit as necel^y .at Dinner^ at a.<jlaff 
oi good Vine, and that's the Reafon 1 ncrec have 

any 



142, Tbt Cauntry-Hfije. 

any Stomach whea I eat aloa&-*--Coii]e, \/ax. whcctf 

do we dine ? 

ibr. Ev'n where you will. 

Sfar. AtCbattiine's. 

Der. Yes, if you will, 

Sfor. Or at the Cock. 

Dor. Yes, if you pleale. 

Sfor. Or at the D^ and PsrtriJge. 

Hor. Ay, if you have a mind to't, for we Oiall dinti 
at neither. 

Sfar. Ffiiawj with your fooling we (halt loie the 
new Play ; and I wou'd no more mils feeing a a&w 
Play the. hrft Day, than I wou'd mifs fetting in the 
Wits Row i ther^ort I'll go fetch my MiilreTs and 
au«y. [ Exit Spatki&. 

Mantnt Horner, Harconrt, Dorilant j Eaterta tketn 
Adr. Pinchwife. 

Hor* Who have we here, Tinchwife ? 

Mr. Pinch. Gentlemen, your humble Servant. 

Ifer. Well, Jack, by thy loi^ abfence tfom the 
Town, the Grumnefs of thy Countenance, and the 
Sltivenlynefs of thy Habit ,• I (hou'd give thee Joy, 
ihbu'd i not, of Marriage ? 

Mr. Pin. [ Death does he know I'm married too ? 
I thought CO have conceal'd it from him at leaft.] 

My long flay in the Country will excufe my drefs, 
and I have a fuit of Law, that brings me up to Xowtij 
that puts me out of Humour j befides I muft give 
Sfartip to morrow five thouiand Found to lie with my 
Sifter. 

Hot. Nay, you Country Gentlemen rather than not 
purchafe, will buy anything, and he is a crackt Ti- 
tle, if we may quibble : Well, but am I to give thee 
Joy, I heard thou were marry'd i 

Mr. Pin. What then ? 

Her. Why, the next thing that it to be>heard, is 
iboa'rtftOickold. 

Mr. Pt».' 



Irfr. pi* infnppoctable U^Ox. {Afidt. 

; jB»r. Bw J dijii pot cxpcft Marriage from fach a 
Wbpr«n^lw,38,you, pne th»c iifisv the Tgwn fo 
much, and Women to well. 

Mr. W«. Why, i hare 0»rry'd no La»,/iw Vife. 

/i)r. FJh»w, [hac's all 00^1 that ^ave Circumfpe- 
datmiopurxyinga Coiwry V'ifej is like refuOng^ 
dsceM^ pai^c'J S»itbjitiii^&f cogo ^ b6 cheat- 
ed by t Friepd in the. Councry. 

&&. Fin. A Ppx oa him and his Simile. [Afidt^ 

At to»£k w« jve Uctle torpr of t^<i Breed there, know 
what hex Jt«cpiiig has Iteetij i^hether foyl'd or un- 
foupd. 

lUr. Cpme, aorasi, I (tare fcoowp 3 Clap gotten iii 
Jif^iju, ajid cbere jafc Cp^nSf jMftioes Clerks, and 
ChaelaJns in ^e Country, I won't &y Coach-men j 
but uc's handfonoe and young ? 

Tin. Til aafiw«r as I lAon'd do. [ y^J«. 

No, no, fhe has no beaoty, but her yoath j no Ac- 
tta^ios, but her Modefiy, wboITome, homely, and 
hufwifely, that's sU- 

Dvr. Ue^aUu aslitce.aQ^flcrastielooIcs. 

Tin. She'j too au6er'dj lUrfovour'd, and fiUy to 
bdl^XpTown. 

Hot. Then methmks you fiiou'd bring heif, to be 
taigbt bree(Uo& 

Rf. To be taught J no, Sir, I thanft yoa, good 
Wi?ef, and private Sonldiers fhpu'd be ignonuit.— — 
{I'll keep her from your InftrU^ohs^ I warrant you. 

Htr, ThfrRogne is as jealous; ai if his Wife were 
not igngrant. [ Afide. 

. Hot. Why, if ihebe ill-f«Tour*d, there will be lefs 
{Ismgq: here for yon, than by leaving he^ in the 
CowibV i we have faeh variety of Pmntiei that w^ 
itpc ^lom htlngry. 
. Drr. ftit they have always coa^e^ Cfmfiaatj Cwing^ 
I lagStonfachs iitthe Country. 

Hair. Foul Feeders indeed. 

Dor, Apd you'r^ofpitatity is great diere. . 

iUr, O^ Hwfe. every M«4's Welcomed . 

L fin; Soi 



144 ^^^ Cumtry-ffye. 

Tin. So, (i). Gentlemen. 
■ Hbr.- Buc prichee, why wou-'dfl thou 'marry lr« * 
if (he be ugly. III bred, and filly, Ihe muft be rich 
then 

ViJt. As rich as if fhe brought nie twenty thcmDnt] 
Polina ont of this Town, for (he'll be as (lire not to 
fpend he^ moderate Portion, as a Lwi^ Baggage 
wou'dbe'to fpend hers^ let it be wjhat it wbu'd : To 
'tis all one : then becaufe (he's ugly, (lie's the likelier 
to be my own j and being ill-bred^ (he'Jl Hate Con- 
Verfationj and fince filly and innocent, wiR not know 
. the difference betwixt a Man of one and twenty, and 
one of forty. 

jSijr.'Nine-^— ^tomy knowl^ge; But if (he be fil- 
ly ,■ (he'lt-ex'peA as much (irom a Man- of forty, nine, 
as from him oF one and twenty : Bdc nrethinks ^ir H 
more ncceflTary than Beauty, and I think no young 
Woman ugly that hash, and no handfbnieWbman a* 
^reeable" without' it. 

p;». 'Tisiny Maxim, he's a- FoQl'Thatmartfes, But 
he's a greater that does not marry aFbpl ,■ whatiswic 
in a Wife good for, hut' to make a Man a Cuckold i 
' iitr. Yes, to'keep it from his knowledge. ■ 

Tin. A E:ool capnot contrive to make her Masband 
a Cuckold. -■ ---' ■ - 

. Hon No,,but(he'ncIubwitha.Man that-can"* and 
what is 'worfe, if flic carinot make her Husband 9 
"Cuckold, flie'll'make him jealous,' and paft for .one, 
and then 'tis all one. n . ■ " ■'' ' l 

"-PiW Wei!, wttll;^ TH take care -for bne, niy*Wife 
■(hall make me no Cjtickold, though jhe had your' hifl^, 
"hAr. Horner I I uhdcrflahd theToS'n, Sir.' ,' ''■'■. 
~ DcT. Hishelp^ ■■■ ■ V ■ ■ C^^*"- 

' ' Har.- He's comenewly to Town it fewni, ana h:A 
not heard how things are with him. >" . t^fi^- 

': kor. But tcH me, has Marriage ci^red thee (rf WHore- 
ing, which it feldom does. ". ' :' -■; ■■.■•.. 

Har. 'Tis more than Age can-do. ■ - 

Hor. No', the word \s. III marry and live honeft ; , 
but a Marriagjc' ¥tw is like a' perateht jGametter'i 
."^ --""• ■- /. . ■ Oath, 



. the CoMtry-W^e. 1^5 

X>A^, iiiS en'trlng into Bonds, and Pehalties to flint 
liitnfelf CO ftidh a .partictilar foiall Stim at {day for the 
fntore, which makes him but the more eagec, ahd 
"^iiot' being able . to hdd out, lofes his Money again, 

■ bad hisi'orfeit to booc .... 

Dor. Ay, ay, a Gamefler will b« a Qpn^ir, Whilfl 
Jiis Money lafts j and a Vfaoremaft^, whilfl Ms Vi- 
gour. ..:-■ ■-..■... 

Har. Nay, I have known 'em, wheh they ire broke 
^and canlofenomore, keep a fumbling, with th6 5ox 
-in their ijitidi to feol with JonLyy. aiid .hindec othar 
Gamefters. 

' ' Her. That had wherewith^ to.tnakeluAy. Stakes. 
•- J*w. Well, Gentlemen, you may laugh at me, bat 
you Ihall never lie with my Wife,' I know tfie.Town. 
Hjt. But prithee,- was not the. wiyyoli;wete.inJ>et-> 
• ter, it not keeping better than Marriage ? 
:■ Fik. A-Vo%oa'tf the Jades .wbd'd pic ms, I don'cl 
never keep a Whori to my felf.- .t . 

Her. So then you only marry'd ta keep a Whore to 
-your felf ^ wellj.bnt lee nie.ttilyou, Womtp/SLs you 
fay, are like Souldiers, made conflant and loyal 1^ 
good pay, rather than by Oachsiand^Gbrenantsj there- 
fore I'd advtfe my Friend^ to heeprathe;- than marry; 
•'^ince too I find by your Exflmt^o, . icdoefr not ferve 
one's Turn, fori faw you yefterday in the eighteen- 
-penny Place with a pretty Country-wp,ni;h,. . 

Pin. How the Devil, did he fee my Wife then? I 

face there that (he might not be.feen ; ,bpt fhe Ihall 

never ^oib a Play again. - ,,. / .{^AfiJe. 

Hor. What doft thou blufli at nine and forty, for 

h^»ingb*enfeeri With a W^ncH? ' . ' '■ ■ ■ ' 

■ Dor. No, faith, I warram.,'iwa5 his'Wife, which 
hefeated there out of Ught, for he's a cunning Rogue, 

tahd underlfendsthe Town. . ; --^ -" 

Uat. Hh bkilhes, then 'twas hij Wife ,■ for Men are 
-now more ftfhamed to be feeh with them In publick, 
'4han' writhe Wench. /■-■ t- ■ „■ 

Tin. Hell and Damnation, I'm undone, fiqpe Msr- 

her has feen her, and they know 'twais fiie. {J.fJe. 

L z . Her. J3u' 



146 tU GawtiyWife. 

Uar. Btit prithee, wjttkiliy Wife? Aetraseruei- 
itigfy {xtttj ; I ^as iti Ijvvb with he^ «c ttec di- 
flanoe. 

Pa. Von bre like oevcr ta be nearor te W. Yaar 
Servant Gentlemen. {^^ '^ £*• 

lifer. )liay» priohee flxy. 

2^ I oiatiot, I wiU not. 

Hot, CooKj you fliall dine with ns. 

i2^. I iTwb dm'd already. 

9lsr. Gome^ I JEiRTfr cboH haft iiot<j til tpoatthee 
dear R«iguQ, -cbou iJfaa^ "ipmi. ifcKO (^ tl^ Wnh^i^e 
Money to day. 

Pnt. Tre^t hie ; ib 4ic nfes me kActatfy^kb "kk Cuo 
iB^ld. i-sffiJe. 

'H«r. vNay, yi6u flan «ot g<K 

Fife. lanifi^ I have !Bc>iiners«thome. 

^ar. TobtotliisWife, he'sat jealous of Jier, as a 

Cbeaf^ Husband of zCvvemigarJtn Wif& 
fibr. Why, Ms as hard to nnd an old Wboremifler 

trithout /eatoillie snd cbe'Qom, mz.yorxng^oti&mix^ 

<Jut Fcftr or the Pox. 
As Gottfin Agb, fcom Pox in Youth ^ooeede j 
So Wenchingp^ then Jealoalie t&ccccdt t^ 
The woiftDi{eac& that Loveond 'Wenching 4»ecdi. * 



ACT n. SCENE I, 

Mrt. Margery Pinchwife, and Alithea : Afr, Pia«h^ 

MK.Tia.T^Kiy, Sifter, where are the beft Fields 
X^ and Wood^ to walk in, in LtitJm'i 
Alith. A pfetty-Quefiion i why Sifter 1 A^nlbtrrfGrn-- 
Jm, and St. James's Park i and for dole walks theiNilii' 
Exchaxfge, 

■ ■ - M,n>. 

D,i,z.:;,L.ooy[i: 



7%i Coumtry-tVife. t^y 

I4fs.K». ftay. Sifter, teJl tne why my Husband 

looks fo gram here in Town ? and keeps me W Co 

ctefc, and will not let ma go a walking^ aorlec 

me wear my beft Gown yefterday .* 
jimk O h*'s jjealow, SiCter. 
Afr». Tim. Jealous, wtm*^ tKar ? 
Alki. He s afraid yea ftou*d tove anochQr Man» 
JUn. fin. How^ ihou'd h» be afrakl of my lorkie 

moilier Man, when he vnUl noc let me fee any bw 

^lith. Did he not carry yoo yeflerday ta a Way ? 

A^s. Pim. Ay, ,b»t wo fate amoneft ugly People j 
he woM'd not let me corns near tne Gentry, who 
fite under us, (b that 1 cou'd not fee 'om ; He told me 
aone bnt naughty Women fate there, whom thw tous'd 
and monsM ; but I wou'd have rentur'd ibr all i»at. 

jiRtk Bat bow did you like the Play > 

Mrs. fin. Indeed I was weary of the Play, but I 
lik'd hQjeouIly the A^on ; they are the gQodlleft 
properenMen, Sifter. 

Jliti. O but you mull not like the Adors, Sifter; 

JM-i. fin. Ay, how Oiou'd I help it Sifter ? Pray, 
Sifter, when my Husband comes in, will yon ask 
leave Mr me to go a walking ? 

Aliti. A walking, luih, ha ; Lord, a Cotintry Gen- 
tlewomans pleafore is the drudgery of a Fopc-poft j 
and Die requires as much idriDc as her Husband's 
Horfcs, [^. 

Btter. Mr. Pinchwife to tbtm, 

Bnt here comes yonr Husbaitd j Fll ask, though 
Fm fare he'll noc ^9at it. 

3^s. fm. He fayi he won't let me ^o abroad, for 
fear of catching the Pox. 

AUtb. Fie, the fmall Poi yott flion'd f^y. 

Mn.fin. Oh my dear, dear pod, welcome lumte: 
why ^oft thou look fo fropifli, who has nanttr'a 
thce^ 

L } Mr. Via, 



148 TbeCftHftry Wiff. 

> Mr. fin, yop-rp aFopt {A*/, pinch; yoe> 

-, , .,' - aj$de,a^d critiy 

: Aiitb. t^ith & (he is, for ccying .fpr no fault, 
poor tender Creui^re \ -, - - . ? 

Mr. Pin. What, you wou'd have her as iqipudent as 
yoar felf, as erran^a , JUflirt, aQadder, a Magpj^ 
ZD^.to,'€iy allj. a iqeer, notqrious Town- Woman ? ', 
, -ykl^i'. brother, you . are my only Cepfurer,- and 
thp ^lonour of your rpamily fhall Toonv funer \i^ 
your Wife there, than in tne, though I take tl^e inno^ 
centlibecty of th^Town. 

. ATr. P;». Hark ypu Mlftrefs, do not talk fo before 
^y.,Wi|e,. th^ innotjppt Liberty of the Town I ,' 
l::i^^i ^^Yi.'P^^j whoboafts pfqny Intrigue with 
pie ^_ Yk*f La/iipoon has made my IjJarne notorious 3 
what, jMl;;Woinen frequent myLodg*pg?? .Ikeep^ no 
Company wick any Wotncn of fcaiidaloqs llepqtations. 
7 .^.Pin./Ho, you keep the M§nof fcandalops Re- 
putations Company. . , . ^ 

'^/;>i6.' "Where ? wbu'd you not have me civil S ^- 
fwei^ 'cm in a^Boxatche Plays? in the Drawing- 
Ti^orq it-JViittftaU I i{i fit. Jamei's- Park i Mulberry- 
' ffir^tp t h't—, — — : 

"Mr. Pin. Hold, hcrfd, do no^ teaph my Wife, wh§r^ 
jhe; A^n arc. tjO ,1k fpund ? I believe flie's -^he worfe 
fof j(OfH;,Xown-dpcaments alr^dy? IbidyoukeeR 
Jicf 4«. jgnorang? a|i.J,dQ- 

jA^rt.Pin. Indeed be not angry with her B^dj ft? 
will t^ll me nothing of the Town, though I ask hci 
a thoufand times a day. ■ ,' ' 
Mr. Pin. Then you are very inquificive to know. 



Mrs. Pin. Not t, indeed^ P^gr, I hate UnJof ; mj 
Plf c%|io^fe in tb^-Cpuntry .is wprtb a thoufan^.of t, 
wou'd fwere there again. ■ . . 1 ■ 

Mr. Pin. Soygg.'iHall Iwa?r^nt J but were ypi( not 
tal^kii^ pf Playji, Mdi Players, iiyhen I canie in ^'/ou 
irfC.l^ encour^er i»:fiy^ difqpUrfes. . ■ v 

Mri. Pin. No indeeU, Dear, ihe chid" me jui^^JP.V/ 
for liking the Player Men, 
■■ .\\ ■■■■ > ■ .'"■f/.I - ^...^^M:Pif 



The Country^^tft. 149 

'Mr. Tin. Nay, if flie hQ fo innocent as ^o own to me 

ber iikiog diem, there is no hurt in't \_^ftJe. 

Come my poor Rogae, but thou lik*it nqne. better 
ifaeome? 

A^t. Pin. Yes indeed, bat I do, the Player Men 
»rc finer Folks. 
- Mr. Pin. But ypu love none better than me ? 

Mrs. Pifi.You are my own Dear Bud, and I know 
yotiy I bate a Stranger. 

■Afri Pin. Ay, my Dear, • you muft love me only, 
and not be like the naughcy Town Vopen, who 
only hate chair. Husbands, and love every Man elfe, 
Jpye Plays, Vifirs, fine Coaches, fine Cloaths, Fiddles, 
^alls. Treats, and fo lead a wicked Town-life, 
, Mrs. Tim. Nay, if to enjoy all thefe things be a 
"Xown- life, Lendonis not fo bad a place. Dear. 

Mr. ?iit. How ! if you love me, you muft hate Lon- 
^tn. 

.. Alith. The Fool has forbid me difcovering, to her the 
Pleafures of the Town, and he is now fetting her agog 
upon them himfelf. 

Mn-Fia. Bui^ Husband, do the Town- women lov© 
the Player-men too ? ' ' , 

Mr. Pin. Yes, I warrant you. 

• , J^i.Pin. Ay, I warrant you.. 

Mr. Pin. Why, you do not, I hope .^ 

Mrs. Pin. No, no, Bud j but why have we no Player- 
fnen in the Country ? 

Mr. Pin. Ha— —Mrs. Minx, ask me no more to go 
to a Play. 

Afri, Pia. Nay_, why. Love ? I did not care for go- 
ing ; bat when you forbid m^ you make me as 
'tV'ere defire it. 
^ Miih. So 'twill be in ottier things, I warrant. ' \_ylJitU, 

• Afri.Pin. Pray, let me goto a Play, Dearl ' 
Mr.Pin, Hold your Peace^ I wo*not. ' ■. 

< Mrs>Pin. Why, Love} ■ . 
. ^ Mr.Pin. V/hy, niteUyou.' ;'; ■ , . 

.1 Jiisb. Nay, if he tell 'her, ibe'l! give hira more cgufe 
to forbid ijer tliaq i^aie, ' ^ " ' ' l^l^Je. 

"■," * "'1-4 . A^t.Pir 



I JO , the (SentryWift. 

Mrs. fin. Pfay, why, Dear ? 

Afr. Tin. Firfl, you Hire tbe Aftora, JUkI tlw Qd- 
lanrs may like you. 

Mn. Tin. What a homely Country Girl? noBttdj m 
^dy will like me. 
" Mr. Tin. I tell you, yes, they may. 

Mrj. Pin. No, no, yoti jeft—^»l won't beHOrtf you^ 
I will go. 

Mr. Tin. I teU you then, that One of the lewdtfft 
Fellows in Town, who law yoa there, told iiic he 
was in love with you. 

Mrs. Fin. Indeed I who, who, pray wfco wfts't .* 

Mr. Fin. I'ye gone too far, and fllpt before t wa« 
aware j how overjoy'<i (he is ! [.4fi^* 

' iMrs. Fin. Was it any Haiuppiri GaUaitt, afiyof out 
Neighbours ? I promile yoD, I ani b«hold4ng to him. 
■ Mr. Pin. I promife you, yon lie ; fot he Woo'd but 
ruin yoQ, as he has done hundreds : he has no other 
love for Women, but that, fach as he, look otion 
Women like Bafilisks, but to deflrby *em. 

Mrs. Fin. Ay, but if he loves me* why fhould he 
ruin me ^ anfwer me to thac : methlnks he Ihoa'd not, 
I wou'd do him no harm. 

u^lith. Ha, ha, ha. 

Mr. Pin. "tts very well • but I'll keep him froni 
doing you any harm, or me either. ' 

Enter Sparkifh and Harcourt. 

But here comes Company, gee yon in, get you in. 

Mrs. fin. But pray, Husbaad, is be a pretty Genji 
tlcihah, that loves me ; ■ 

Mr. Pin. In Baggage, in. [7lr»^/ btrin, Jhats tht Jger. 
Whatj all the lewd Libertines of the Town brought 
to my Lodging, by this eafie Coxcomb! S"dedth-I'U 
not fnffer it.^ ; 

' ^dr. Here Harceurt, do you appro'yie my choice ? 
Dearj little Rogue, I told you i d bring yoa ac- 
quainted with afl my Friends, the Wks and - 

[_Haxcovnf»lutaitr. 
■ . Mr,T'm, 



iA. Th. hy, ih«y fbHtl hfiow h«r, in well at yon 
your felf wilt, I warrant you. 

Sftr. TN» is Ottt of thole, my pretty Rogue, rtiat 
we lo- dance tt yMir WeMing to morrow : and him 
yoD maft bid welcoipe e?er, to what yon end t 

Sptr. HarteitH how doft thoQ like lier, faith ? Kay, 
Pear, do not look down ; I jhoold ham to haf e ft 
yUft <rf nrifte otic of conrttenancc at anv thing. 

Mr. Phh Ifoorftrfol ! 

8f0r. Tell nWj I fay, Harenirt, how doft thou tilre 
her? thou haft flat'0 upOA her enough, to relblve 
me. 

Har. So Inftnltety w^, thit T coo'd wifli I bad a 
Mtftrafs too, that nighe Sfet from ittt in nothing, 
but her love and engagement to yon. 

^tlh Sir, Mailer spMrkipi has often told me, that < 
hit Acquaintance were all Wits and Raillienrs, and 
now 1 (oaA it 

Smt. No, 1^ the Ufiherfe, Madam, he Aoa not 
railiy miw ; yon may believe him : I do aflbre you, 
he is the honefteft, wonhieft, true hearted Gentle^ 
pian— *— A Man of fnch perfcd honour, he won'd 
fiiy nocMng to a Lady, he does not mean. 

M'. Pin. PtalfiDg another Man to his Miflrers .' ' 

Hmt. Sir, you are lb beyond espedacion-oblt^'ng^ 
that . - 

Spar. Nay, I gad, I »m fure yon do admire her 
extremely, 1 fee t in your Eyes.— —He does &S- 
Bure you. Madam.— -^y the WorJd, don't you ? 

Har. Yes, above the World, or, the moft Glorious 
part of it, her whole Sex : and till now 1 never 
thought I fltou'd have envied you, or any Man about 
to marry, but you have the beft excnfc for Marriage 
I ever knew. 

jllirb. Nay, now. Sir, I'm fatisfied yoii are of the 
Society of the Wits, and Railtieurs, fince you can- 
not fpare your Friend, even when he is bat too 
civil to you i but the foreft fign is, fince you are an 

Enemy 



If* The Ctmtry^mjd, 

Enemy ^M^is^, for that I hear you hate as nncfi 
asBufinefsor badWine. ■. , ■ i : - . ,; r_ 
,. flar. Truly, Maidam, I wm oeicej' an Enemy . to 
}hl^nage^ till now, becauf^ Mftoi^gft was never, am 
pn^nty to me before. ,,;,-: '.^ ;. , .; ■.,./ 

Alitb. But why, Sirj is Marriage an Enentyra 
you now? Becaufe it robs you ci yi»ut ¥tienc| here; 
for you look -upon a Friend ni^rriedja^, one- gone 
into a MonaSeryj, that . is dojid to the World., . f 

Har. 'Tis indeed, becaufe you : nnrjry hiip ;- 1 -fe« 
Madam, yon can gnefs my meatiiug^ I do coofefs 
heartily and openly,, I w^ it «tere in tny power 
jobreaktheMaech, byHjaygoil.wos'd' ; ; ■ ' 

Sfar. Poor Frank \ , . 

, ,4^ti). Wou'd y^* be ioTiakindtp pi<j? ' - 

^*r..No, po, 'tis no^ be(;apfe X wow'd be.:UiiJ^itid 
to you. .-J 

Spta-' Poos frtitjj^t pp gad, 'tis oiUjr hb jcind^els 
f:o,Jne. .■ .- ■ -- ,; ".„,;. ;„. , . ■ : 

Pitt. Great (clndnefs to you indeed ; ipfepiible Fop^ 
iec a )4an make k>ve to hUliV^f&toJh^stace. [4i?</e. 

5fMr. Come dea^ MrMiJt, (pr all my Wiie there, cbv 
ftali be, . thou ihall enjoy me fomecimes dear Rogue ; 
Jjy my Honour, y^e Men pf Wic.Qsadole ior.our 
deceaied Brother in Mamage, as ^i^uch as for.onjQ 
dead in earnefl, : I thiifk t^ was prettily faid of 
me, ha, fAircMrf f ;— 7y--P.ut.coipe frinfii be pot 
ihelanchoiy for me. ' - 

. Har. No I afluce jou, . { am oyt melancholy /or 

you. 

Sfar. Prithee, fratifi y-dott thinjji piy Wife that Hial} 
be there a fine Per^n ? ^ -. ■ ■ . . 

Har. I cou'd £a^e.}i|M9n.he^,,till I becam^ as blind 
AS you are. 

5^r. How, as 1 am ! how ! 

Har.. Becaufe you are a Lover, and true Lovers ire 
J)!ind, flock blind. 

Sfar. True, true j but by the World fiie has Wit 
too, as well as Beauty,; gp, go with her into a corj 
ner, and try if {he has. Witj tJilH to i^y,any thnjg^ 
fl)e's_balhfal before me.' ' ' \'.J$au\a.- 



. : ^dr. Indeed if a Voman wants Wit in % qdmer, flie 

has it no where. -; 

Mitk Sir, yoD difpofe of me a litde before yooc 

time [Aftde to SparJtifti.^ 

Sfar. Nay^. nay. Madam let me have an earneft of 

your obedience, or— go, go. Madam — • ,^ 

[Harconrt courts Alithea afidil 
Tin. How, Sir, if you fare not coacern'd for tjio 
faoiioiir of a .Wife, 1 am fqr that of a Sifter ; he 
Iball not debauch her : be a Pander to yonr own W^# 
^ng Men to her, let 'em make love before your 
Face, thruft 'em into a corner together, then leaV0 
'em in private I is this your Town wit and condu^j' 

Sfar. Hah, ha, ha, a filly viTe Rogue, wou'd makia 
one .lau^ more than a flaik Fool, ha, ha j I fh^ 
burft. Nay you Ihall not diiturb 'em ,' I'll yex thee* 
by the World^ {Stri^Us with V\a,Q\\.ti keep bim 

from Harcourt 4nd Alith» 
'Alitb. The Vritittjp;s are drawn. Sir, Settlemeoci 
piade J 'tis^ too late. Sir, and paft all revocation. 

Ifar^ Then fo is my death. . . ■ 7 

. , AUtb. I w«u'd not be unjijft to him, 

iIir..Then why to me fo ?< 
. AUtb. I have no obligation to you* 

Bar. My love. 
; i4toi. Ihad his before. , . -■■ . 

Hjr. Yon never had ic ; he wants you fee jealoulic* 
tibe only infallible fign of it. . 

Alitb. Love proceeds from eAeem ; he cannot diftruft 
my Virtue, befides he loves me, or ho wou'd not 
matry me, 

^ftr^.MaTFyingyou, is no more (ignof his love; 
than bribing your Woman, that he may marry you, 
is a^Sgi^of hisgeuierolity: Marriage is rather a fign 
of Im^reft) {ban Love ; and he that marries a Fortunei 
covets aMiftrefs, not loves her : But if you take Mar** 
fiagefor a fign of Lover, lake it from me immediately. 
; Alitb, No* npw-you have put a fcruple in my Head ; 
botjii^otc^ ^rj to^nd ot^r-dilpute, I muft marry 
Eiiii, my K£pucat)en wou'd fu%r in thf World elfe.. .. 



J54 ^^ Ctmntry-lVifk. 

{2tfr. No; if yoQ da marty \an, wkh yem pardon^ 
Madam, your Reputation fuffers in «h© Warki, ud 
^ou woa'd be thoegfai in ncccffiiy for a Cloak. 

Atith. Nay, nawyou arerudCjSir,— — Mf.S^ii^, 
^y come htEher, yoar Fciand here is very imibkiboi, 
aoil very \tfna^. 

Bar. HoU, hold,. \_Sds to Alichea. 

Mr. Tin. D'ye bear ^e ? 

Star. Why, d'ye think 111 feetn to be jcklou, liha 
s country Bumpkin ? 

Mr. fin. No, rachex be a Cuckold, like a ondQloos 
Cit. 

Mh^ Madam, you wov'd not have been fi> Jinte 
generous as to have tol^ bin. 

^i«&. Ye^ Itnce you coa'd be fe Utile, generous, 
as to wrong him. 

Hat. Wrong him, no ViAn can do'c, be's beneath aa 
Injury ,* a Bubble, a Coward, a fendefs Idiot, a Wretch 
fo CMitemprible to alt the World boi you^ tkat-*"^ 

^tAft Hold, do not rsil at him, for lince he is Ilka 
to be my Husband, I am refolv'd no like him : Nay, 
I think I am oblig*d to tell him, yoa are not bt$ 
Friend. Matter Spariijh, Matter Sjtarkijh. 

Sfar. What, what ; now dear Rogue, has not {he 
wit? 

Har. Not fo much as I thought, and hoped Ihe 
bad. [Sftthfiffkij. 

Alith. Mr. Sparkifl}, do - yoa bring Peo[uo to rail ai 
you? 

Har. Madam—— 

Sfar. How! no ; buc if he does rafl at me, 'tis but 
in jeil I warrant > what we Wits do for ope aiMMber, 
, and never take any notice of it. 

jilitb. He fpoke fo fcurrilouSy of yoa, I had no 
patience lo hear him ; befides he has beca making 
love to me. 

Har. True damn'd tell-tale- Woman. LAfiJtt 

Sfsr. F&aw, to Ihew his Parts— —we Wits rail and 
make Iofc often, but to ihew oar Parts ^ as we have 
no ifUAioaS) fo we have no malice, w o 

AUtL He 



The CMMriWiJe. «fS 

jtiipf "Bh &id you were a Wi-eub, below aainjury. 

Smme. Pft»w. 

Hot-. Damn'dj fenflefs, impuileDt, Titraous Jade; 
«v«ll 4occ flie won't let me btrt her« Acll do as 
fMd, ArII make rae bate heii, 

aHlfrk A otmoMa Bubble. 

A«r. POnw. 

itiM. A CevNKd. 

Sfmt. PlhaiK, Pifliiw. 

Jm. a TeaOifi d{i««lii|g Miot. 

,^p«p. Howy ilid lie difparige n; PAits^ Nay, <^ieo 
•ny HiMio«r% OMK)idn!i'<d, 2 can't pat ^p«hac. Sir { kf 
the Vorldj Brother help me to kill hia^ <1'«^ 
draw now, fince we hare the odds of him:- — 'tis 
ag»odOeciirieatQobefeiiemyMtfU»f3) {_Jjidt. 

\_Off'trtto dr»w. 

Alitb. Hold, hold. 

Sfor. Wbat, wh«. 

AlUh. ZmaftAM'^'enkaitfae^mlenu neither, 
for his Kindnefs to me ; I am fo far >ft«m hadq^ Um, 
c)wtIwUb«y<3ftHaM had bis PoiiTm and Under- 
fianding: — — 
(Nayif my Honour— — [4/W<. 

Sftr. m be thy Death. 

Jviib. Hold, facU, indeed to tell the Truth, - tbc 
Oeadenaoiflld iriter all, ttofwhat he fpeke, was Inic 
oDt of Friendlliip to yoa. 

Sfar. Howl fi^, -lamjIamaFoolytfaatisnoWit^ 
oor of Friendfbip to me. 

Mitb. Yesji to try whether 1 waiconcemM anongh 
for yon, and -made Lore to me only to )k fausfy'd of 
ay- Virtue, for your lake: 

Ar. Kind bcwerer • {Jfide. 

Nay, if it wore to^ toy dear Kognb, 2 ask dse 
'pflfdbnj but wlff^ wou'd«ot yoa teirme fo, fu&. 

Htr. Becanfe I did not think on't, faith. 

2!^. CesM, H$ntr don not come, Biircemt Jet's 
bcgpiiot»-thc-JiBW.Pla y ^' ■- ■Come, tiltadaro. 

D3„... Couple 



h$6 the Ciitut>y-ti^e. 

-■ A^tS.l will not go, if ]fou iotend to I^^ifr me 

alpneiii the Box, and ran into the Pfc, as-yon ufe 

•to to, 

' Sf«tn Pfhsw, I'll \cvrcBarcourt with you In the'Bol, 

to entertain you, and that's as good ; !f I fate-in tbe 

£ox, I fiioQ d be thought no Jadge, but c^ Tcitn- 

mings.— — Come away Harcourt, lead her dow/i. 

[ Hxrant Sparki/h, Harcbort, «ii<^ Alithea. 
Tin, Well, go thy ways, for the Flower of the true 
Town Fopsj luchasfpedd their Eftates, before they 
tome to erri, and are Cuckolds before they're thar- 
i-ied. But let me go look to my own Free hold— ^ 
How— — ^ > 

Enter mj Lady Rget, mfirifi Dainty Fig«t, and . ■■ 
li£firifs Squeamilh. 

La. lid. Your Senrant, Sir, wher<i iS yoir 'Lady t 
! We are come' to wait upon Ktir to the new Play. 
titt. New Play ! 

La.-Fid. And my Husband Will waft uponyou-pre- 
fently. 

•v Kb. Damn your Civility—— — ' ^jifide. 

Madam, bynomeans, Iwillnotfee Sitjaf^ef here, 
^'cill I have waited tipon htmat itoitia j nor^allmy 
^Wife fee you, 'till /he has waited ufJon yoor Ladyfh]t» 
at your Lodgings. 

. Z». JPi^. Now we areherej -Sif-— — *i- '■ ■■ ■ 
Tin. No, Madam. t^ . 

; ■Darn. Pray, let us fee her. • ■ V. 

- S^tttdm. We-willnot ftir, 'tiU'we fee hetJ ' ■ 

Tin. A Pox on youall-:— (^yy«.) "'rfeMVto 
• ■ - -. .-tSeDoir, And'returns. 

tlhehaslotk'd the Door, and ic^one' abroad^ .■'^■- 
La. Bd.' No, yott have lock'd the Doofj ^attd^'lbs's 

within. .:.'■':-■ '-'i. .:.". 

' ^ DiuH, They tdd as below, fhe was herei ' • ' * " 

Fix. [ waiflothing do^-r-*— Wetl iP^mtKk bat 
' then, jb tell yoa the Truth, Ladies, which I was a- 
JfraidCD let you know before, left it might endanger 

your 



rijeCountryWife. iff 

youif "Lives, .'ihjj ttrife has" juft now the -fmall Pox cohie 
out tipon her, do not be frighten'd j bat pray, be gono 
Ladies, you l^all not. ftay here in dagger of ypot 
Ijyesi pray g'et yon gone Ladies. ' 

■ £* jR^/NO, no; we have all had'ein. 

5jM«m. Alack, alack! ^ < - .. . 

' I>ain. Come, cbqie, wemafll fee how h gOes Witli 
lier, 4 undcrftand' the Kfeafe. * ■ f 

La. Ftd. Come. 

"Pin. Well, ihere'isno being ioO hard for Womeii 
at their own weapon. Lying, therefore I'll qiik the 
Field. * ' (:Afiie.) [£*;>Pinchwiffc 

Squeam. Here's an Example of |ealoufie: 

La. FiJ, Indeed^ as the World goes, I wonder there 
are no more jealous, fmce Wives are fo negleded. 
- Dain. Pftaw, as the World goes, to what end ftou'tj 
ithey be jealous ■?'■ 
■■ £,a.Fid. Fob, 'tirfanaftyWorld. 
, 5^«Mm. .That. Men of Parts, great Acquaintance,' 
and C^ualinr; fliou'd take up with, and fpend them- 
selves and^ortunes, in keeping little Play-hoirfeCrea- 
turtr, fob.' 

' La. Fid. Nay, that Women of underftanding, great 
Acqaai;itance, and good Quality, ihou'd fall akeepi, 
jfigtoo of little Creatures, fob. 

■ Sjiww. Why, 'tis the Men of Qualities Fault, they 
hevcr-vifit Women of Honour, and Reputation, as 
they ns'd to do ,• and have not fo much as common 
Cifillty, forLadies of our Rank, but ufe us with the 
fame Indifferency, and ill Breeding, as if we were att 
marry'd to^em. 

La. Ftd. She fays true, 'tis an errant ftiame Womeft 
of Quality fhou'd be fo flighted j methinks, birth, 
birth, fliou'd 'goffer fomething j I have knownrMea 
admired,. courted,,and followed for their Titles only. 

Stjuiam. Ay*,' one wou'd think Men of . Honour 
ftou d nor love no more; than marry out of cbeirown 
Rank. . . 

:.„„.., Couple 



iy8 ^ Tbe CMatry-Wife, 

Vain* H»f fie upon 'eio» they arc come to tUaiE 
crors breeding for theoi&lTcs bell; »weUas£»thdr 
Dogs and Horfes. 

Lm. Ftl Thejr are Do^ and Horfiis for'c. 

S^iKam One wouM ttunk, if not fior Lok, for 
Vanity a Httle. 

t>.>in. Nay, tbey (lo iatUfie their Vanlt/ opov as 
fometimes ; and are kind co ns iji ika^ Repor^ tdl 
all the World they lie with qs. 

La. Fid. Damnd Kaicals, that ve ihow'd tjeoflly 
wroDf'd by 'em ; to r^oj-t a Mao has had a Perfoo, 
when lie has not had a Perfonj is the greateA wcooc 
in the whole Vorid, that cao be done to a PcHoo- 

Sifutam. Wen, 'tis an errant Oiame, Koble Pei&iu 
Ihou'd be fo wroog'd^ and neglet^ed. 

La.Bd. ButftiU'tisanerranterihame for aNeble 
PerfoDj CO negled her own Honourj flnd idefantc hec 
own Noble Perfon^ wiih Jictle incon£dFr<bIe Fel- 
lows, fob ! - '- 

Vaia. I foppofe ths Crime agaioft our Hoooor, ii 
the fame with a Man of Quality} as with another. 

L. FiJ. How ; no fure, the Man of quality is Ukeff 
one's Husband, and cherefoie the FauU fltou'd be the 

Djin. But then the Pieafure fiiou'd be the Jefs. . 

La.FiJ. Fie, fie, ^e, for Hiame Sifter, whither Aall 
we ramble ? Be continent in your Dirooacfe, or I 
fiia& bate you. 

Daim. Belidcs an {ntri^iie is fb nuCb the more no- 
torious for the Man's quality. 

Stjueam. 'Tis true, no Body takes notice of a prJ* 
Tate Man« aad therefore with hini, 'tis more fecret> 
a&d the Crime's the lefs, when 'tis not known. , , 

Le.FU. You fayitnie i y faith, I think you are^ in 
the right on'c : Tis nm an Ir^ury to a Husband, 'nil 
it bean Xt^ury to«ur Honours ; fo that a Womau^ 
Honour ilofes no honour with a ptirate Petfiin ; vd 
to fay Truth— 

Dam. So the little Fellow is grown a private Fer- 
fnn with her £ Afart te Squeam. 



The CoHMtryWife: ij9 

ta. Fi</. But ftill my dear^ dear honoor. 

Emtr Sir /aTper, Horner, Dorilant. 

Sr. Jaf. AYj niy dear, dear of hotioilr, thon haft 
ftill/b much honour in thy Mouth < — 

Bar. That (he has none clfewhere— — L4^ 
La. Fid. Oh^ what d'ye mean to bring la cheie up- 
on UE ? 

Dain. Foh, thcfe art AS Bad as Wlts. 
S^utam. Foh I 

La. Fid. Let US leave the Rooni. 
Sr.Jaf. Stay, ftay. Faith to tell yon the naked 
Tnith. 

La. Fid. Fie, Sir Jafper, do ntit tife that word na- 
ked. 

Sr. Jaf. Well, well, in fliort I hare Burinefs at Whiti^ 
haUy and cannot go to the Play with you, thereford 
wou'd have you go- — - 

La. Fid. With thofe two to*a Play ? 
Sr. Jaf. No, not with t'other, but with Mt.Homeri 
there can be no more Scandal to go with hiin> 
than with Mr. Tattle, or Matter Limherharh. 
La. Fid. With that nafty Fellow ! no- "" no; 
Sr. Jaf. Nay, prithee dear, hear me. 

[ Whiff ert to Lady Flo. 
Har. Ladies. [Horner, Dorilant drawing 

mar SqaeaniUh and Daint; 
Dain. Stand off. 
Stiueam. Do not apptoach us. 
Z>«ftr. You heard with the Wits, you are obfcenitjr 
alt orer. 

Squtam, And I wou'd as foon look npon a PiAure 

of Adam and Evt, without Fig-leaves, as any of youj 

if I cott'd help it, therefore keep off, and do noc 

make us fick. 

E^yr. What a Devil are thefe ? 

Hv. Why thefe are Pretenders to Honour, as Cri- 

dcks to Wit, only by cenftiring others j and as every 

taw, peevift, out-of-hnmoui'd, affc^d, dull, Tei- 

M drinking^ 



i6o The CoUHtry-Wife. 

drinking. Arithmetical Fop fees np for a Vit, by tail^ 

ing at Men of fenfe, fo thele for Honotirj by railing 

at the Court, and Ladies of as great Hononr, as 

Quality. 

Sr. J4- Cbme, Mr. iXn-nwrj I muft defire you to 
go with thefe Ladies co the Play, Sir. 

Hor. I! Sir. 

Sr.Jaf. Ay, ay, come. Sir. 

Hor. I muft beg your pardon. Sir, and theirs, I 
will not be feen in Womens Company in publick a- 
gain for the World. 

Sr. Jaf. Ha, ha, ftrange Averfion ! 

S^ueam. No, he's for Womens Con^ny in pri- 
vate. 

Sr^Jaf. He poor Man — ^hel hah, ha, ha. 

Dain. 'Tis a greater Ihame amongft lewd Fellows te 
be feen in virtuous Women's Company, ihan for the 
Women to be feen with them. 

Her. Indeed, Madam, the time w.3» I only hated 
virtuous Women, but now I hate the other too ; I 
beg your Pardon Ladies. 

La. Fid. You are very obUging, Sir, becaufe we 
wou'd not be troubled with you. 

Sr. Jaf. In fober Sadnefs he Jhall go. 

Dor. Nay, if he wo'not, I am ready tovnlh upon 
the Ladies j and I think I am the fitter Man. 

Sr.Jaf. You, Sir, no I chaok you for that ■■ ' - 
Mafter Homer is a privileg'd Man amongft the virtu- 
ous Ladies, 'twill be a great while before you are fo ^ 
Heh, he, he, he's my Wive's Gallant, heh, he, hej 
fvo pray withdraw. Sir, for as I take it, the virtuous 
Ladies, have no Bufiners with you. 

Dor. ^tii I am fure he can have none with them ; 
Itis flrange a Man can't. come amoogft virtuous Wo- 
men now, but upon the fame Terms, as Men are ad- 
mitted into the great 7»>i's Seraglio ; but Heavens 
keep me, from being an hombre Player with 'cm : but 
yihattSsTintb-uiife [Ewf. DorHant. 

Sr, Jaf. Come, come, Man ; what avoid the fweet 
Ibdety of Woman-kind ? That fweet^ foft, gentle, 

tame. 



The Countrj-Wife. i6 1. 

Csuiie, Jic^iCreatureWomanj made for Man's Conn 
|>amon - - — — 

Htfr. So is that foft, gentle, tame, and more noble 
Creature a Spaniel, and has all their Tricks, caa 
fawn, lie down, foffer beating, and fawn tbe more j 
barks at your Friends, when they come to fee you ; 
makes your Bed hard, gives you Fleasj and the Mange 
ibmetimes : And all tbe difference b, the Spaniel's 
the more faithful Animal, and fawns bnt upon one 
Mafler. 

Sr. Jaf. Heh, he, he- 

Sijutam. O the rude Beafi; 

Vain. Infolent Brute. 

La. Bd. Brute \ ftinking mortlTy'd rotten French 
Wcacheri to dare— — 

St. Jaf. Holdj an't pleafe your Ladyfbip • for iharaci 
!Mafter Hmur, your Mother was a Woman^ (Now 
ihall I nerer reconcile 'em) {Jfidt.) Hark yon. Ma- 
dam, take my advice in yoar anger,- you know, you 
often want one to make up your droling Pack of Horn'* 
fcre Players j and you may cheat him eafily, for he's 
an ill GanieAer, and confequently loves play ; Be- 
iides you know, you have but two old civil Gentle* 
men ( with ilinking Breaths too ) to wait upon yoa 
abroad, take in the third, into yonr fervtce ,■ the o- 
ther are but crazy ; and a Lady Ihou'd have a fuper- 
xiumerary Gentleman-UOier , as a fupernumerary 
Coach-horfe, left fometimes you ihou'd bo forc'd to 
itay at home. 

La. Fid> Bat are you fure he loves playi and has 
Money ? 

Sr. Jaf. He loves play as much as you, and bat 
Money as much as I. 

La. Fid. Then I am contented to make him jay for 
his Scurrility ^ Money makes up in a Meafure all o- 
ther wants in Men— — — Thofe whom we Gann« 
mak& hold for Gallants, we make fine. [ Afide. 

St. Jaf. So, fi> J now (o molUfiej to wheedlo 
him,-*-^ [_Ajidt* 

Ma M»^ 



Mafier Hprser, «^I1 you never keep citU Compaay, 
methinks 'tis time now, fince you are only fir for 
chem : Come, come, Man you rauft e'en fall tovi- 
fiting our ViveSj eating ac our Tables, dtinki:<g Tea 
imcti our virtuous Relations after Dinner^ dealing 
Cards to 'em, reading Plays, and Gazettes to 'em, 
picking Fleas oat of their Shocks for 'em, colle(f);ing 
Receipts^ New Songs, Women, Pages, and Footmen 
for 'em. 

Uor. I hope they'll afford me better Employment, 
Sir. 

Sr. Jaf. Heh, he, he, 'tis fit you know your work 
before you come into your place } and fince you are 
unprovided of a Lady to flatter, and a good Houfe 
to eat at, pray frequent mincj and call iny Wife Mi^ 
ftrefs, and Ike (ball call you Gallant, according to the 
Cuftom. 

Hot. Who I? 

Sr. Jaf. Faith, thou iha't for my fake, come for my 
fake only. 

Hor. For your fake— — 

Sr. Jaf. Come, come, here's a Gamefter for yoD, 
let him be a little familiar fotnetimes ; nay, what if a 
little rude j Gamellers may be rude with Ladies, yon 
know. 

La.FtJ. Yes, lofing Gamefters have a Privilege 
with Women. 

Hor. I always thought the contrary, that the win- 
ning Gamefter had moil Privilege with Women; for 
when you have loft your Money to a Man, you'll lofe 
any thing you have, alt you have, they fay, and he 
may ufe you as he pleafes. 

Sr. Jaf Heh, he,-lie, well, win or lofe, you fliall 
have your Liberty with her. 

La. Fid. As he '-ehaves htmfelf ; and for your fali6> 
I'll give him Admittance and Freedom. 

Her. All forts of Freedom, Madam ? 

Sr. Jaf. Ay, ay, ay, all forts of Freedom thou can'fl 
take, and fo go tp her, begin thy new Xmployment ; 
wheedle her, jelt with her, and be better acquainted 
one with another. tier, I 

:.„.„. ..Couple 



the Qomtry-Wife. x(>% 

Sn-. I Ainki know her already, cherc&re may ven- 
ture with her, my Secret for hers \_AfiJt. 

[Homer, and Lady Vi^etvbifftr. 

Sr.Jaf. Sifter Cdt, 1 have provided an innocent 
Play-fellow for you there. 

Dain. Who, he ! 

S^uetm. There's a Play-fellow indeed. 

Sr. Jaf. Yes fure, wbaf, he is good enough to play 
at Caivik, SiindmanV buff, or the Fool with fometimes. 

S^ueam- Foh, we'll have no fuch Play-fellows. 

ftw'ff. Ne, Sir, yon (han't chufe Play-fcllows for 
us, wti thank yon. 

Sr. Jaf. Nay, pray hear me. [ Whiffmng to tbem. 

Ls, fU. But, poor Gentleraan, cou'd you be To ge- 
nerouf ? So truly a Man of Honour, as for rtie faltes 
of UE Women of Honour, to caufe your lelf to be 
reported no Man ? No Man! and to fuffer yourfeif 
the greateft Shame that cou'd fall upon a Man, diat 
none might 1^11 upon us Women by your Conterfa- 
lion; but indeed. Sir, as perfedly, perfeAly, the 
fame Man as before your going into frimtt. Sir j as 
perfcftly, perfe^ly. Sir. 

/for. Aspeifedily, perieftly, Madamj nay, Ifcorn 
yon fliou'd take my word j I defire to be try'd only, 
Madam. 

La. Fid. Well, that's fpoken again like a Mdn of 
Honour, all Men of Honour defire to come to the 
Tell : But indeed, generally yon Men report fiich 
things of your felves, one does, not know how, or 
whom to believe j and it is come to that pals, we 
dare not take your words no more chnn your Taylors, 
without fome ftaid Servant of yours be bound with 
you j but I have fo flrong a Faith in your Honour, 
dear, dear, noble Sir, chat I'd forfeit mine for yours 
at any time, dear ^r. 

Har. No, Madam, you Ihou'd not need to forfeit 
it for me, I have given you Security already to fare 
you harmlefs, my late Reputation being fo well known 
. ia the World, Madam. 

M I UnTii. 



t64 The Country Wife. 

ta. FiJ. Bat if upon any future foiling out, oc Qp 
on a Snfpicion of my taking the Troll out of yonc 
hands, to employ fome other, you your felf (hou'd 
betray you Tnift, dear Sir ; I mean, if you'll give • 
me le^c to fpeak obfcenely, you tnighc tell, dear Sir. 

Hot. If I did, no Body won'd believe me j the Re- 
putation of Impotency (s as hardly recover'd agiun in 
the Worldj as that of Cowardife, dear Madam. 

La. Fid. Nay then, as one may fay, you may Aq 
your.worft, dear, d^arSir. 

Sr, Jaf, Come, is your L^dyHiip reconciled to 
him yet i have you agreed on matters ? for I maft 
be gone to WbitehalL 

La.Ftd. Why indeed, Sir Jaffer, Mafter H«wr is a 
thoufand, thoufaod times 3 better Man, than I thpugbt 
bim: Cozen S^ueamilb, Sifter Dainty, I can name 
him now, truly, not long ago you know, I thought 
his very name Obfcenity, and I wou'd as fooo hare 
Iain with him, as have nam'd him. 

Sr. Jaf. Very likely, poor Madan^. 

Daln. I believe it. 

Squtam. No doubt on't. 

Sr. Jaf. Well, well that your Ladyfiiip is as vir- 
tuous as any (he, 1 know, and him all the Town 

knows hoh, he, hej therefore now you like him, 

get you gone to your BuHnefs together ; go, go, to 
yourBufmefs, I fay, Pleafure, whilfl I go to my Pl«» 
lure, Bufinefs. 

La. Fid. Come tljen dear Gallant. 

Htr. Come away, my deareft Miflrefi. 

Sr. Jaf. So, fo, why, 'tis as I'd have it. 

{_E)eit Sir Jafpff. 

Hor. And as I'd have it. 

La.F,d. Whoforhis Bpfinefc, from hisWifertillrunj 
TaKes the befi care to have her Bus'nefi done. 
- lExtitntcpmi!'. 



ACT 

;,C.oogli: ■ 



Tbe CouHtryWife] i6% 

ACT III. SCENE L 

Alithea, and Mrs. Pinchwife. 

jiUth. Qlfter, What ailes yon, yoa are grown melan^ 
^ cholv. 

Mrs. Pin. Wou'd it not make any one melancholy,' 
to fee you go every Day fluttering about abroad, 
whil'ft I muil ftay at home like a poor lonelyj fullea 
Bird in a Cage ? 

jAlith. Ay, Sifter, but yoa came young, and jaR 
from the Neft to your Cage, fo that I thought yoa 
lik'd ic ; and cou'd be as chearful in't, as others that 
took their Flight themfelves early, and are hopimig 
abroad in the open Air. 

A/rj. Pin. Nay, t confefs I was quiet enough, 'till 
my Husband told me, what pure lives the London La- 
dies live abroad, with their dancing, meetings, and 
junketings, and drelt every Day in their beftGowns; 
and I warrant you, play at Nine-Pins every day ot 
the weekj To they do. 

Enter Mr. Pinchwife. 

Mr. Pin. Come, what's here to do ? you are put- 
tiog the Town Pleafures in her Head^ and fetting hec 
a longing. 

. Mill)' Yes, after Nine-pins; you fnffer none t© 
^ve her thole longings, yon mean, but your felfl 

Mr. Pin. I tell her ai the Vanities tk the Town, 
IHce a Confeflbr. 

JUtb. A Confeffor ! Juft fuch a Gonfeffor, as he 
that hy forbidding a filly Ofiler, to greafe the Horfe's 
T6eth, taught him to'do't. 

Mr. Pin. Come Miftref»R;M4»f, good Precepts are 
loft, when bad Examples are {till before us j the Li- 
l»ny you take abroad makes her hanker after it; and 
out of^humonrac hctme, poor Wi«tch! fite defirednot 
to come to Lendm, I wou'd btiog her. 

■' M^ Mitb.Yeij 



f66 The Country Wif*. 

jm. Very well. 

Mr. Pin. She has been this week in Town, and 
never defired, till this afternoon, co go abroad. 

^lith. Was flie not at a Play yefterday ? 

Mr. Fin. Yes, but fhe ne'er ask d me ; 1 was my felF 
the caufe of her going. 

Alitb. Then if Ihe ask you again^ yon are the caufe 
of her asking, sad not my Example. 

Mr. Tin. Well, to morrow nieht I Iball be rid of 
you J and the next day before tis tight/ (he and I'll 
be rid of the Town, and my dreadful Apprehennons: 
tome, be not melancholy, for thou &a't go into 
the Country after to monow, Dearelt. 

Jlitk Great comfort. 

Mn. Tin. Pift), what d'ye tell me of the Country for? 

Mr. Pin. How's this I what, pifb ac the Country } 

Mrs. Pin. Let me alone, I am not well. 

Mr. Pin. O, if that be all what ailes my deareft ? 

Mn. Pin. Truly, 1 d^ t know,- but I hare not been 
well, fitice you told me there WdS a Gallant at the 
Play in love with me. 

Mr. Pin. Ha 

jitith. That's by my Example too. 

Mr. Pin. May, if yoQ are not well, but are fo con- 
cem'd, becaufe a lewd Fellow chanc'd to lye, and 
fay he lik'd you, you'U make me Sick too. 

Mn. Pin. Of what Sicknels ? 

Mr. Pin. P, of that which is worfe than the Plague; 
Jealoali^. 

Mrs. Pin. Pi/h, you j'ear, Tm fure there's no foch 
Difeafe in oor Receipt.book at home. 

Mr. Pin. No, thou never tnet'ft with it, poor in- 
nocent——: — well, if thou Cuckold me, 'twill be my 
]pwa fault-r— foi^ Cuckolds and Baftards, are gene- 
rally makers of their own fortune. l^fiJe. 

Mrs,V%n. Well, but pray Bud, let's go to a Play to 
Night. 

Mr. Pi>. 'Tis jtift done, Ihe comes froin it j but 
why ate you fo eager to fee a Play ? 

Mn,F'nh 



The C»iintty-Wife. 167 

Mrs. Tin. Faith, Oflar, not that I care one pin for 
^eir talk there j but I like co look upon the Player- 
men^ and wou'd fee, if I con'd, the Gallaoc you fay 
loves me ; that's all dear Bud. 

Mr. Vin, Is that all dear Bud ? 

Mitb. This proceeds from my Example. 

Mrs. Vin. But if the Play be done^ let's go abroad 
however, dear Bud. 

Mr. Pin. Come, have a little Patience, and thon 
fltalt go into the Country on Friday. 

Mrs. Pin. Therefore I wou'd fee firft fome Sights, 
to telt my Neighbours of : Nay, I will go abroad* 
that's once. 

^lith. I'm the caafe of this defire too. 

Mr. Pin. But now I think on't, who, who was 
the caufe of Homtr's coming to my Lodging 10 day ^ 
that was you. 

Mith. No, you, becaufe you wou'd not let him fee 
your handfome Wife out of your Lodging. 

Mrs Tin Why, O Lord ! did the Gentlemiin come 
hither to fee me indeed ? 

Afr. Tin. No, no ; You are not the caufe of 

that damn*d queftion too, Miftrefs Alitbta ? — r- [Welt 
file's in the right of it ; he is in love with my 

Wife— —and comes after her 'tis fo but I'll 

nip his love in the Bud; left he ihou'd follow ui in- 
to the .Country, and break his Chariiot- wheel near 
our Houfe, on purpofe for an excufe to come tot ; 
but I think I know the Town. i-^' 

Mrs. Pin. Come, pray Bud, let's go abroad before 
'tis late j for 1 will go, that's flat and plain. 

Mr. Pin So ! the obftinacy already of the Town- 
vife, and I muft, whilft fhe's here, humour her like 
one. [Afidti 

Sifter^ how fliall we do, that . fiie may not be foen, 
or known ? 

jilitb. Let her put on her Mask. 

Mr. Pin. Ffliaw , a Masl^ makes People but the 
more inquilitive, and is as -ridiculons a difguife, ac x 
Sage-beard j her Shape, Stature, Habit will be known; 

and 



i68 The Country Wije. 

and if we ihoD'd meet with Horner, he wou'd be 
fure to take acquaintance with us, mufl wifh her joy, 
kifs her, talk to her, leer upon her, and the Devil 
and all ; no, I'll nut ufe her to a Mask, 'tis dangerous ; 
for Masks have made more Cuckolds, than the beft 
Faces that ever were known. 

jUitb. How win yoti do then ? 

Mn. Tin. Nay, fliall we go i the Exchange wiil be 
Aut, and I have a Mind to fee that. 

Mr. Tin. So — -I have it—: — I'll drefi her up ia 
the Suit, we are to carry down to her Brother, little 
Sat Jttmeti nay, lunderftand the Town tricks : Come, 

let's go drefs her j a Mask I no a Woman mask'd, 

Kke a cover 'd Difli, gives a Man Curiofity and Ap- 
petite, when, it may be , uncover'd, 'twou'd turn his 
Stomach ; no, no. 

^/t;<&. Indeed yoniComparifon isfomething a greafie 
one: but I had a gentle Gallant, us'd to fay, a 
Beauty mask'd, like the Sun in Eclipfe, gathers to- 
gether more Gazers, than if it ftin'd out. ^Extunt. 

Tit Scene chants to the New Exchange .- Enter 
Homer, Harcourt, Dorilan^ 

' Dor. Engag'd to Women, and not Sop with us ? 

Her. Ay, a Pox on 'em all. 

H*r. You were much a more reafonafele Man in 
the Morning, and had as noble refolutions againft 
'em, as a Widower of a Weeks liberty. 

Dor. Did I ever think, to fee you keep company 
with Women in vain ? 

Hor. In vain I no. 'tis, fince I can't love 'em, to 

be reveng'd on 'em. 

Har. Now your Sting is gone, you look'd in the 
Box amongfl all thofe Women, ^ke a Drone in the 
Hive, all upon you j fhov'd and ill us'd by 'em allj 
and thruft from one fide to t'other. 

Dor. Yet he muft b% buzzing amongft 'em ftill, 
like other old bjetle-iieaded, lycorilh Drones ,- avoid 
'entj and hate 'em as they lute you^ 

fjfir. Be- 



The Country-mfe. 169 

Btr. Becaufe I do bate 'em, and woo'd hate 'en 
yet more, I'll frequent 'em ; you may fee by Mar- 
riage, nothing makes a Man hate a Woman more, than 
her conflant Converfation : In ifaort, I converfe with 
'em, as y:.u do wlch rich FooU, to hiugh at 'em, and 
nfe 'em ill. 

Dor. But I 'wou'd no more Sup with Women, nn- 
lefs I cou'd lie with 'em, than Sup with a rich 
Coxcomb, unlefi 1 cou'd cheat him. 

Hot. *¥€£, I have known thee Sup with a Fool, foe 
bij drinking, if he cou'd fet oat your hand that way 
only, yoa were fatisfy'd ,■ and if he were a Wine- 
fw^lowing Mouth 'twas enough. 

Har. Yes, a Man drinks often with a Fool, as be 
toffes with a Marker, only to keep his hand in Ure$ 
but do the Ladies drink ? 

Hor. Yes, Sir, and I Hiall have the pleafure at leaS 
of laying 'em flat with a Bottle ; and bring as much 
fcandal that way upon 'em, as formerly t'other, 

Har. Perhaps you may prove as weak a brother 
among^'eni that way, as t'other. 

Dor. Foh, drinking with Women, is -as unnatural,' 
as rcojding with 'em ,■ but 'tip a Pleafure of decay'd 
Fornicators, and the bafeft way of quenching Love. 

Har. Nay, 'tis drowning Love, inAead of quenchiflg 
it ; but leave us for civil Women too I 

Der. Ay, when he can't be the better for 'em ; 
we hardly pardon a Man, that leaves his Friend 
for a Wench, and that's a pretty lawful call. 

Hot. Faith, I wou'd not leave you for 'an, if they 
wou'd not drink. 

Dor. Who wou'd difappoim his Company at Liwis\ 
for a Goffiping ? 

Har. Foh, Wine and Women good apart, together 
as naufepus as Sack and Sugar : But hark you, Sir> 
ibefore you go, a little of your Advice, an old maim'd 
General, when unfit for Adion, is fitteft for Counfel; 
I Jiave other defigns upon Women, than eating and 
drinking with them : 1 am in love with Sferii^s 
Miftref^ whom he is to marry to morrow, now how 
^1 1 ^et her i Eiitr 



170 tbt CHmtrj-mfe. 

Eater Sparkilh, kvking about. 

Uor. Why, here comes one will help yon to her. 

Har. He I he^ 1 tell yoa^ is my Rivals and will 
hinder my Love, 

Hot. No, a foolifli Rival, and a jealous Husband aflift 
their Rival's Defigns, for they are fure to make their 
Women hate them, which is the hrit ftep to their love 
for another Man. 

Har. But 1 cannot com* near his Miflrefs, liut in 
his Company. 

Hbt, Still the better for yon, for Fools are mofl 
eafily cheated, when they themfeWes are Acceifaries; 
and he is to be bubbled of his Miftrefs, as of }»s Mo- 
ney* the common Miftrefs, by keeping him Company. 

Spar. Who is that, that is to bebubWed? Faith let 
inefhack, I han't met with a Bubble fmce Chriftnias: 
'gad, I think Bubbles are like their Brother Woodcocks^ 
go oat with the cold Weather. 

Har. A pox, he did not hear all I hope, 

[Afart to Horner. 

Sur. Come, yon bubbling Rc^es you, where do 

we Sap-r Oh, Harcourtt my Miftrefs tells me, you 

have been making fierce love to her all the Play 
kajg, hah, ha but I 

Har. I make loTe to her ? 

Sfor. Nay, I forgive thee j for I think, 1 know thee, 
and I know her, but I am iure I know my felf. 

Har, Did flie tell yoa fo ? I fee all Women are like 
jhefe oithcExcbtrnge, who to enhance the Price of 
their Commodities, report to their fond Cuftomers 
O&rs which were never made 'ent. 

Har. Ay, Women are apt to tell before the intri§iie> 
as Men after it, and fo {hew therafelves the vainer 
Sfex ; but haft thou a Miftrefs, Sfarki^ ? 'tis as hard 
for me to believe it, as that ihon ever had'ft a Bubblej 
RS yoa brag'd JTift now. 

Spar. O, your Servant, Sir,- are you at yoor raHlcry* 
Sir ? but we are fome of us bef .re-hand with you to 
day at the Play : the Wits were fomcthing bold with voU) 
Sir; did you not hear us Uugh ? HaT' Yes, 



Har. Ya%, But I thought yoa bad gotrt to Plays, 
CO laugh at the Poets Wir, not at your own. 

Sfar. Youi Servant Sir, no I thank you ; 'gad I go 
to a Play as 10 a Coumry-Treat, 1 carry my own 
Wine to one, and ray own Wit to t'other, or elfe I'm 
iiirs I fiioa'd not be merry at either ^ and the Reafon 
why we are fo often lowder than the Players, is, be- 
cauib we chink we fpeak more Wit, and fo become 
the Poet's Rivals in his Audience : for to tell you 
the Truth, we hate the fiUy Rogues j nay, ib much, 
that we find fault even with their Bawdy upon the 
Stage, whtlft we talk nothing elfe in the Pit as loud. 

Hw. Bur, why fcould'ft thou hate the filly Poets, thou 
haft too much Wit to be one, and they like Whores 
are only hated by each other ; and thou doft fcom 
writing, I'm fiire. 

Sfar. Yes, I'd have you to know, I fcorn writing ; 
but Women, Women, that make Men do all foolim 
things, make 'em write Songs too ; every body does 
it : 'tis ev'n as common with Lovers, as playing with 
Fans ; and yoq. can no more help Rhyming to yoDr 
Fbyllis, than drinking to your PhjUii. 

Har. Nay, Poetry in love is no more to be avoided^ 
than jealonfie. 

Dor. But the Poets damn'd your Songs, did they ? 

Svar. Damn the Poets, they have turn'd 'em into 
Burleique, as they call it ; that Burlefque is a Hetuf 
TocH! trick, they have got, which by the virtue of 
HiSius deSius, teffty tttrvey, they make a wife and 
witty Man in the World, a Fool upon the Stage yoa 
, know not how j and 'tis therefore I hate 'em too, foe 
I know not but it may be my own cafe ; for they'll 
put a Man into a Play for looking afquint : Their 
PredecelTors were contented to make Serving-men 
only their Stage Fools, but thefe Rogues mult have 
Gentlemen, with a Pox to 'em, nay Knights ; and 
indeed you (ball hardly fee a Fool upon the Stage, 
but he's a Kni^^ht j and to tell you the truth, they 
have kept me thefe fix years from being a Knight in 
earnelt, for fear of being Knighted in a Play, and 
dubb'd a Fool !>«■. 



1 7 1 The Country Wife. 

Dor. Blame 'em not, they muft follow their Copy; 
the Age. 

Har. But why ihould'il thou be afraid of being ia 
a Play, who expofe your felf every day in the Play-* 
hoQfes, and at publick Places. 

Hot. 'Tis but being on the Stage, inftead of Handing 
on a Bench in the Kt. 

Dor. Don't you give Money to Painters to draw 
you tike ? and are you afraid of your PiAures, ac 
length in a Play-hoafe, where all youc Miftreifes may 
fee you. 

Sffar. A Pox, Painters don't draw the fmall Pox, 
or Pimples in ones Face ; come damn alf your filly 
Authors what-ever, all Books and Bookfellers, by the 
World, and all Readers, courteous or uncourteous. 

Har. But, who comes here, Sfarkifij ? 

Enltr Mr. Pinchwife, and his Wife in Mant 
Cloathtt Alithea, Lucy, her Maid. 

Spar. Oh hide me, there's ftiy Miflrefs too. 

[Sparkilh bidei bimfelf behind Harcourt. 

Har. She fees you. 

Sfar. But I will not fee her, 'tis time to go to Whiter 
haS, and I muft not fail the drawing Room. 

Bar. Pray, firft carry me, and reconcile me to her. 

Si>ar. Another time, faith the King will have fup't. 

Har. Not with the worfe Scomach for thy abfence ; 
thou art one of thofe Fools, that think their attendance 
at the King's Meals, as neceiTary as his Pbyficians^ 
when you are more troubleibm to him, than his 
Dodors, or his Dogs. 

S^ar. Pfliaw, 1 know my intereft. Sir, prithee hide 
me. 

Her. Your Servant, P«;ci6a'(/e,— what he knows 
us not— 

Afr. Pw. Come along. [To his Wife Aftdei 

Mrs, ?iit. Pray, hare you any Ballads, give me fix- 
penny worth? 

Claff, We have no Ballad;. 

Mrs. Tin. 

D,l.i:;,.C.OO<^L' 



The CoHHtry-Wtfe. i ^ ^ 

Mrs. Tin. Then give me Covent-GarJen Drollery, 
abd a Play or two- — Oh here's Tarugos Wiles, and 
the Slighted Maiden, I'll have them. 

Mr. fin. No, Plays are not for your reading j com© 
a-Iong, will you difcover yotir felf ? \_Afart to heri 

Her. Who is that pretty Youth with him, Sfarki^ i 

Sfar. I believe his Wife's Brother, becaufe he's fome^ 
thing like her, but I never faw her but once. 

Hot. Extremely handfom, I have fefen a Face like ft 

too' j let us foUow 'em. i Exeunt Ptndi. Airs. Pinch. 

2 Alithea, Lucy, Homer, 

/ r 



; DoT^2ntfoSovfingtbm. 
. Har. Come, Sparkifli, your Miftrefe faw you, and 
will be angry you go not to her ; besides I wou'd 
&in be reconcil'd to her, which none but you can 
do, dear Friend. 

S}>ar. Wei! that's a better Reafon, dear Friend, I 
wou'd not go near her now, for her's, or my own 
fake, but I can deny you nothing j for though I 
have known thee a great while, never go, if I da 
not love thee, as well as a new Acquaintance. 

Har. I am obltg'd to yon indeed, dear Friend, I 
woii'd be well with her only, to be well with thee 
flill ; forthefe tyes to Wives ufuallydllfolve all tyes 
to Friends : I wou'd be contented, fbe fliou'd enjoy 
you a-nights, but I wou'd have yoU to my felf a-days, 
as I have bad, 8ear Friend. * 

Spar. And thou fiialt enjoy me a-days, dear, dear 
Friend, never ftir j and I'll be divorced from her, 
fooner than from thee j come along 

Har. So, we are hard put to't, when we make oar 
Rival our Procurer j but neither jhe nor herBrotbcrj, 
wou'd let me come near her now : when all's done, 
a Rival is the beft Cloak to fteal to a Mifirefs un- 
der, without fufpicion ; and when we have once got 
to her as we defire, we throw him off like other 
Cloaks. , lA/ide. 

CExffSparkiffa, and Hztcovtt ft^wing l^. 



=.Qoogk 



174 '*" Country-Wife. 

Rt-tnttr Mr. Pindiwifej Afrj.Pinchwife h Mom's CUuhu 

Mr. Pin. SiAer, if you will not go, we mud leave 

jrou [roAlkhea. 

The Fool her Gallant, and (he, will mufter up all the 
young Saneerers of this place, and they will leave 
their d..:ir Semttreffes to follow us ,■ what a fwarm of 
Cuckolds, and Cuckold-makers are here? {_jtpt. 

Cooiej let's be gone Miftrefs Margery. 

Mrs. Pin. Don't you believe that, I han't half my 
Belly full of Sights yet. 

M-. Fin. Then walk this way. 

Mri. Fin. Lord, what a power of brave Signs are 
here? Stay— ^the Bull's-head, the Raoi'^head, and 
ihe Stag's, head. Dear— 

Mr. Pin. Nay, if every Husband's proper Sign here 
were vifible, they won'd be all alike. 

A^t. Pin. What d'ye mean by that, Bud ? 
■ Mr. Pin. 'Tis no matter— —no matter. Bud. 

Mrs. Pitt. Pray tell me ; nay, I wilt know. 

Mr. Pin. They wou'd be ail Bulls, Stags, andRam^ 
beads. [ Exnmt Mr. Finchwife, Ms. Plnchwife. 

ii«-eM;rSparkilh,Harcourc,AUthea,Lucy,«rr'0t^iii«r- 

Sfar. Come, dear Madam, for my fake you fltall 
be reconciled to him. 

Alii^. For your fake I hate him. 

Har. That's Ibmeihing too cruel. Madam, to hate 
ne, for his lake. 

Sfar. Ay indeed. Madam, too, too cmel to me, to 
hace my Friend for my faice. 

AlUk I hace him, bcc«ufe he is your Enemy ; and 
you ooebt to hate him too, for making Lore to mc, 
tf you Tore me. 

Spar. That's a good one, I hate a Man for lonog 
you i if he did love you, 'tis but wh« he can't help, 
and 'tis your Fault, not his, if he admires you ^ I 
hace a Man for being of my Opinion, I'll ne'er do't, 
by the World. jiliik h 



' The Ccuntry Wife. 175 

' 'Alith. Is it for yourHonour or mine, to faffer a 
■Man to make lo« to me, who am to marry jou to 
Morrow. 

Sp<ir. Is h for yoar Hoooilr or mine, to have toe 
jeattnisf That he makes love to ygil, is t Sign you are 
nandfo^e; and that I am not jealous, is a Sign you 
are nrAious, that I think is for your Honour. 

AUtb. But 'lis yoQr Honour too, I am concerned fon 

Har. But why, deareft Madam, will yoH be more 
concerned for tus Honour^ than tie is himfelt.j lethis 
Honour ^one for my fake, aad- his, he, he, h^ no 
Honour—— 

Sfar, How's that ■? 

Har. But what, my .dear Friend cAn gusfrd himfelf. 

Spar. O ho that's right again. 

Har. Your care of his Honour argues hn negled of 
it, ■which is no Honour to my dear Friend here j 
therefore once more, let his Honour go which way ic 
will, dear Madam. 

Sfar. Ay, ay, were it for my Honour to marry a 
Woman, whofe Virtue 1 fufpei^ed, and cou'd not cthA 
her in a Friend's hands } 

Alith. Are you not afraid to lofe/me ? 

Har. He-afraid to iofe voh, Ma'Jam! No, ho— - 
you may fee how the ruoli eAimable, . and moft glo- 
rious Creature in the World, is valued by him j w^ 
you not fee it ? 

Spar. Right, honed 7)-«tn£, X have that noble ralne 
for her, that I cannot be jealcflis of her. 

Alitb. Yoii miftake him, he means you care not 
for me, nor who has me. 

Sfar. Lord, Madam, I fee you are tealoas ; will 
you wreft a poor Man's meaning from his words ? . 

Mitb. You aftoaifh me, Sllr, with yom wane U 
Jeatoulle. 

Spar^ And you make me ^ddy. Madam, with your 
Jeafoufreand Fears, and Virtue and Honour ^ 'gad,,J^ 
fee Vijcue makes a Woruan as-crqublefome^ as allttl* 
reading, or leiarning. ' 

AUtl. Mo&ftrouj.', 



* 7° ./ be coMHtry- Wtje. 

Lucy, I Well to fee what •afie Husbaods <hefe Wo^ 
■men of Qaalitjr can meet with, a poor ChambcF 
maid can never have fuclr Lady-like Liick : bcfides 
he's thrown away upon her, (he'll make no ale of her 
Tortune, her Bleffing, none to a Gentlemao, for a 
pure Cackold, for it reqaires Rood Breeding to be a 
Cuckold. ^ * \BtiU 

Alitb. I tell you then plainly, he pucfues me to 
marry me. 

Sfar. Pftaw ■ ■ — * , 

aar. Come, Madam, yon fee yon ftrive in vam t» 
make him jealous of me j my dear. Friend is die 
kindeft Creature in the World to me. . - 

Sfar. Poor Fellow, 

Hlir. But his Kindnefs only is not enoBgh for me, 
without your Favour ; your good Opinion, dear Ma- 
dam, 'tis, that tnuft perfeift my Happiijefs ; good Geft- 
tjeman he believes all t fay, wou'd you wou'd do fo, 
jealous of me ! I wou'd not wrong him noi you for 
fheWorld. 

. Sfar. Look yon there ; hear him, hear hiib, and da 
not walk away fo. [ Alithea walks careUJljj to andfn. 

JXir. I love you. Madam, fo — '■ 

Sfar. How's that ! Nay-^now you begin to go 
too far indeed. . 

Bar. So much, I confeli, I fay I love you, that I 
wou'd not have' you miferable, arid caft your felfa* 
way upon fo unworthy, and incoofide'rable a thing, 
as what you fee here. , 

[ Claffivf hit Hand an Bis Srtaji, points at SparkiUl- 
' ■ Spar. Ko, Faith, I believe thou wou'dft not, no* 
Hs meaning is pUiq ; but I knew be&»e thou wou'dlt 
nbt wrong me, nor her. 

■. Har. No, nO; Heavens forbid, the glory of her 
Se^ fhou'd fall fo low; as into the Embraces of fncb * 

comtemptiblc Wtetchy, the leaft of Mankind taf 

dev Friend here-rl injare him. lEmln-aeingSpaikw- 
'■ JlifL Very Well. , 

* Spar. No, fiO, dea'r Friend, I knew it: Madam, 
yoq fee be will rather wrong himfelf .than me, in 
giving himfelf fuch names. - ' '^Sti.Vo 



Thi CauHtry-Wift: lyy 

^lit^ Do not yoQ underftandhim yet? 
. Sf». Yes, how modeftly he fpeaks of himftlf, poor' 
Fellow. . ; r . . 

jtiitb. Methtnks he fpeaks ifflpudently of your felf, 
fince — ^before your fcif too j infomndi that J can 
no longer fafier his. fcurriloos AbufiTene& to you, no 
iDorechan his Love to me. {O^vitogt,' 

Spar. Nay, nay. Madam, pray flay, his love co 
yon : Lord, Madam, has h« iodc ipoke yet plain c- 
nongh ? 

jilftt. Yes indeed, I fliou'd think fo. 
Spar; Well ihcn, by the World, a Man can't fpeak 
civilly to a Woman t^ow, bat prefedtly Jhe fays, ho'"' 
makes Love to her: Nay, Madam, yo«- fliall. ftay, 
with your pardon, lince yon have not yet underflood 
tvra, 'tjtl be has made an Eclaircifinent of hn Love' 
to you, that is what kind of love it is j anfwer to thy 
Catechifm : Friend, do you love my Miflrefs here i 
Bar. Yes, I wifl) flie won'd nbt doabt iti 
Spar. But how do you love her ? 
Har. With all my Soul. 

jiliih. I thank him, methiaks be fpeaks ^lain e^ 
noDgh now. ■ 

Spar. Yon are out ftill. [ Ta Alithca, 

But with what kind of Love, Hareourt? > 

Hat. With the beft, and the trueft Love in the World. 

Spar. Look yon there then, that is with ho Matri- 

mbnial Love, I'm fure. 

Alith. How's chat, do you fay MacrtmoQuiI Love it 
notbeil? 

Spar. Gad, I went too far e'er I was aware : Bac 
fpeak for thy felf Hareourtj you faid you won'd not 
wrong roe, nOr her. 

Har. No, no. Madam, e'en take him for Heaven's 
r?ke. 
Spar. Look yon there. Madam. 
: fitfr. Who Ihou'd in all juftice be years, SCiapt bit bani 
he that loves yoD moil. ImoittreaS, 

. jilitb. Look you there, Mr. Sparkip, who's thai i 
Spar* Who uou'd it be i go on Hartogrt. 

. N * ...:,^; 



178 The CifUtiyW^o: 

Hot. Whdio^fs you Mom than Wdtas«a *Iitlw, oi* 
Vaitivui VuBk. iVctutt *t Sptfk. 

Sfar. Look you ihcK, he in.eans liie ftUl^ for tie- 
tiplars It me. 

JiitJh. Bi«cdbiH * 

. jp*i. Ay. 

-Hff. Who kao^s, if k tx ii*£W>, htnr to valaisf^ 
niDch fieanty and Vinue. 
S/*r. Ay. 

tftf<. Wlmfe Lov0 giti no mora Im ^aXfi ia tli6 
Vorld, thai thiat HaancntyForttt ctf ywrrs. 

fifiv. Vho oQiu'd no iMi* fti Af a Ktvrt, tlidii yoit» 
Afa&nco, and yet oouM no nsrslM^cA yeurVir»»^ 
thtti his own Cpnllftncjr inhiii^m t6 yeu. 

5>«r. yn> ■ 

Har. Who ift fine lows yMi b«tt«r than his Ey#s^ 
that firft made him !o»e y«u. 

5^. Ay — nay. Madam, Fakh yoH (htini go, '«*!!•-« 
■'jikik. Hawa can, l<ft yoti malMBK ftay tco long-^ 

Spar. Btn 'till he had faluted yon ; that I-lmy beaf- 
foniyob are Friends, afcet- hU honcft Advice andPc 
claration : Come pray. Madam, be FtlendGWitl^htai. 

Enttr M^tr Piachwi£e, A£^refs Pischwife^ , 

'jilitb^ Yon moft pardon me. Sir, that I am not yee 
fo obed4et» to yen. 

Mr. Tin. What, invite your Wife to kifs Men ? Moo- 
. Ibcus .' Areyoa not affMtn'd? Iwllt nevcr#»glreyipa. 
'-^ar. Are you net aflMfn'd, that I OitHi'd hKw mom 
Confidence in the Chaftity of yourftmiBy, tfeanyen 
have ; you srvdk not teat;h m*, I am a Manof ho- 
nour. Sir, though I am frank and free : I am franh. 

Sir 

JUr.Pm. Vejy frank, Sk, lo fhare your Wife with 
yomr Friends. 

Spar. 'Hen an humWc, meiMal ?ri*nd, foeh as re-i 
Gondles the' DMWenets of th« Manriagft fiod $ you 
.-. . y know 



tU Cntt^fT^e: iff 

£m« Mm ana Vife akiiinaltniyi agiW, I«M^ 
him for thit ai^ tkiicfon «aa'd km Htti wai i«ttli 
my Wife. 

ilfr.FJx. A nmU Fnud^^;^ will gat t gfftit 
many menial Friends, by Ihewing your Wm di yon d^. 

iS{p<r. Vine thta, it nay te | ti>«« < fteiTnrt in'c, 
a> I han to Ae» Ate Citttilis, ft i Play-iiosfi! thb 
£rft Day, and count Money before {MfDt RoKuti, 

Mr. Tin. He tKai lliews hn ttV^, ef iSAef, Vvill 
te id dangec of taring iMra tKURXtoid (bMNHusei. 

S^«r. I love to be tHvy'd, and H'ou'd net ifaanry a 
ViM, dwx I akma cOB'd tov« ^ loving atone ii as dall, 
as eating alone J bit net afxAnlt Age, l)nd I'ain'a 
&mk Ferfon ? And to tell you the Truth, it dlay bel 
love to have Rivals in a Vile, they make he' feerti to a 
Man ftill, but as a kept Mtftpcfe; and fo good ni^t, 
for I muft CO ffiitih^. Madam, 1 hopt yott are Aow 
MCBncH'd to diy Friend ,- and fo 1 wifh you 9 good 
■uglit. Madam, and fleep if yoo can j for to morrotv 
yon know i mud vUk yoa ntrly with a Canonical 
GcBlleliMa. Oood night, deal Mi»MR. [£<iV3parklU. 

Htr, Madam, 1 ho]se you win n«c mbfe my Vilit 
to morrow, if it ihou'd be earlier with a Cantftileal 
Gentleman, than Mr. Sfurkl^i i 

Mr. fin. This Oemlcwoflkia I9 yM cnd^r HtV Cart, 
ttmcfort you muft yet feriiear your Freedoih w«h hit. 
Sir. [Ci«/i>2 bawMi Mtbta md Haretfuit, 

»r. MnS, &ir — -^— 

Afr.Pio. Yes, Sir, IheismySiftdr. 

Htt. 'Xis wsU flu 11, Sir 'for I muS hi her Sei^ 

v«Bt, Sir, Madam-M<^ 

Mr. Tin. CoDfn nniy^cr, we bad been gone, if 
it had not baen for you, and fo avsidea tWft lewd 
Kakehells, who feam w bUMt as. 

£i»ir Hsmer, DoilaM » tbm. 

Hot, How now Vimhwtfi. 

Mr.?iii. YoiirSec««K> 

Ut. Vim, Ifcaalhtla time it (he Ceaifttiiii)^ 



^8o -ThiCtimtri Wife. \ 

,« Mafftuni wild and nnfoctable, and onljr fie to coit^ 
.Tufe ^irli. hU HofieSi Dogs, andhisUerdE. 

Mr. Tin. I hare Borinefsj Sir, and muft mind ife j I 
your Pnflnefs is Pkafore, therefoce yon in& I mnft go 
different wayi. 

Hot. Well, yon may go on, but this pretty young 
(gentleman — {^Tslut btUtf MruVwiaxwif^, \ 

Har. The Lady 

:, Dor. And the Maid-r— 

Her. Shall ^ay with us, for I fuppofe their Bufinefs i 
..is the fame with ours, Pleafore. 
' Afr. Pin. 'Sdeatb he knows her, Ifae carries it lb fit- 
lily, yet if he does mf,. I IhouM be fnore filiy to di£- 
(Cpyer it firft. IjijU^ 

Mitb. Pr^Vj let us go. Sir. 
/i^.Piu. Come, come— ^— 
* Hot, Had you not rather flay with us? 

ITo Mri. Pinchwifir," 
prithee Tinchwifty who is this pretty young Gentleman? 

Adr. tin. One to whom I'm a Guardian. 
[ I Willi I coa'd keep her out of your hands — \jifiJi» 
Har: Who is he M never faw any thing fo pretty in 
{lUmylife. 

Mr. Pin. POiaw, do not look upon him fo much, 
he's a poor baflifnl Youthi you'll put him out of Conn- 
(enance. Com^ away Brother, [fiffirito taktkeraan^* 
lUr. O yofir Brother ! 

M*. Pin. Yes, my Wife's Brother j o^e, come, 
&e'll flay Supper for lis. 

Her. i thought^ fo, for be is very like her I law yon 

at the Play with, whom I told you, I was in love witb'. 

Mrt.Pin. OJeminy! is that lie that was in loTe 

lyitb roe, I am glad on'c I row, for he's a curious line 

Gentleman, and I IpTC him already too. [JfiJIt. 

Is this he Bud ? iTo Afr.Pinchwifc. 

Mr. Pin. (iome aw^Vj come away. [ 2i iw ff^. 

Hot. Why, what bane are you in ? why won't you 

let me talk with him i 

Mr. Pin. Bccaufe you'll debanch him, he's yet young 
sadinnoce^, and I wou'd npt. hfiw. t^m debanch'd 
ffyr a|iy thing in the Wo^ld^^ ,.. Honf 



The CeitntryWife. .181 

tetow flie gazes on him ! the Devil ^^ ^Jftdo 

Her. Harcpurtt Dorilantj look yoQ here, this is the 
} Xikeaefs of that Dpwdey he told ns of, his Wife, did 
yoQ erer fee a lovelier Creature'? The Rogue has rea- 
foQ to be jealous of his Wife, flnce flie is l^e him, for 
ifae wou'd make all that fee her, in love with her. 
' Har. And as I remember now, Jlie is as like him 
here as can be. 

Dor. She is indeed very pretty, if flie be like him. 

H«r. Very pretty, a very pretty Commendation — 
Ihe is a glorious Creature, bouitiftil beyond all things 
I ever beheld. 

Mr. Pin, So, fo. 

Har. More beautiful than a Poet's firlt Miftrefs of 
Imagination. 

Her. Or another Man's laA \UftreG of Flefh and 
Blood. 

Mri. fin. Nay, now you jeer. Sir ; pray don't jeer 
me 

Mr. ?in. Come, come, f By Heavens, ihe'II difco- 
Terherfelf. ^JJiJe. 

HiT. I fpeak of yonr Sifter, Sir. 

Mr. fin. Ay, but faying fhe was handfom, if lik^ 
him, made him blu/h. I am upon a wrack — {.4lUe. 

Hor. Methinks he is fo handfom, he (hou'd not be a 
Man. 

Mr. fin. O there 'tis out, he has difcovered her, I 
am notable to fuffer any longer. [Come, come a- 

w^y, I fay {To bis mft. 

' Hot. Nay, by your leave. Sic, he ffiall not go yet— 
HarcoHTtf l>oriltfotf let us torment this jealous Rogue a 
little. ITotbem. 

Hor. I'll Ihew yon. 

Mr. Pin. Come pray let him go, I cannot Itay fooW- 
ing any longer; I tell you his Sifter {lays Supper for ufi 

Her. Uo's ihe, come then we'll all go Sup with twx 
jjnd (hcc. 

N 4 Mr. J 'in. 



x8i Th€ CoHMtry-ff^iM- 

Mr. Pin. Ko, now I think OD'c^aviftg ftaid £t 
long for us, I warrant (he's gone to PeJ-- — « 
[ I wilh (he and I were well oot of cbeirhandt r 

Come, I mnft rife early to moirov, come. 

Hor. Well tfienj, if (he be gone to Bed, I wiffi her 
and ypu a good night. But pray, young Genrleman^ 
prefentmy humble Service to her. 

Mrs. Tin. Thank you heartily. Sir. 

Mr. Tin. 'Sdcath, file will (Mfcovcr her &lf yetin 
fpire of me. L ■4^- 

He is fomething more civil to yoir, for your KitidDefi 
to his Sifter, than I am, it feems. 

Hot. Tel! her, dear fweet little Gentleman, for all 
your Brother there, that you have revjv'd thcLovCj I 
iiad for her at Brft (ight in the Play-houfe 

Mrs. Tin. But did you love herindeed, anJ Indeed ? 

Mr. Tin. So, fa , [v^^f. 

Away, I fay. 

Hor. Nay, ftay^ yes indeed, and indeed, pray do 
you letr her fo, and give ber this Kifs &om me. 

[ Kiffes htr, 

Mr. Tin. O Heavens ! what do I fnfFer ,* now 'tis 
too plain he knows her, and yet—— C-^d«. 

Hor. And this, and this [.R'Jftt her ajrain. 

Mrs. Tin. What do ybu kifs me for, I am no Woman. 

Mr. Tin. So— —there, 'tis out. [ JfiJe* 

Come, I cannot, nor will ftay any longer. 

Bir. Nay, they fliall fend your Lady a Kifi too ; 
here Harceurt, Dmlant, will you not.' \^^kty kifs her. 

Mr. Tin. How, do I fuffer this .* Was 1 not accofing 
another juft now, for this rafcallyPatience, in pet- 
, mitiing his Wife to be kifs'd before his Face ? Ten 
■ thoufand Ulcers gnaw away their Lips. {/ifittt' 

^pome, come, 

Hor. Good night, dear little Gentleman j Mattom, 
jpod-night ; farewel Tincbwife. 

I [ Did not I tdl you I woa'd raife bis jealous GaH ? 

yD<ir;fa Harcourt, «»<^ Dorilant. 
rner, H^pQurt| md Dorilanf. 



7U Coitntn^W^ x%y 

AA-. Tin. So, they are gone se laft ^ flay, Ut me fee 



faff if the Coaeft be at dm dodr, J[|j«f. 

Hpt. What not gpne rerf will yoube fiiR t^ <^ as I 
ddriedyoiij fweet Sir? 

[Horner, HHTCOtttt, DBri^t fffiim.- 

jlifrj. Tin. Sweet Sir, but what will yoiVgiVeme then ? 

/Or. Any chiog, come aw»y into the next waUi. 

[Kxit Homer, baBing mvaj Mrt. Fiflck ' 

Jlifh. HoM, fcoH, what (fye rfo ? ^ 

iagr. Stay, ftay, hol d 

Bar. Hold, Madam,, hold, let him pr^ent him, he'tl 
come prelenrfy ; nay, I wUl iierer let yon go, till 
you anfwer my Queftlon. 

Laty. For GoiTs rake, ( Alith. txxcy ^Jtruu^g miti 
Sir i rapft follow 'em fHarconrt,, «>«/ Dwilant. 

Dor. Ko> I have fomething to prefent you with too^ 
you fiian't follow them. 

Finchwife returns. 

Jfe&-.pa». Where? how^—whaf's Become of ^ 

gone— ^whither ? 

Lucy. He's only g6ne. with the Gentlemen, who 
win ^re him fomething, an't i^teafeyourWorAip;. 

VW. Fin. Something give him (omcchihga wiA 

a Pox— where are they ? 

jilitb. In the next walk ofily, Brothec. 

Mr. Via. Only, only j where, where ? 

C Emt ^chwife, gnJ retww 
C p'tfenth t thai gfitb out agMti. 

Bar. What's the matter with bim. ? why fo much 
concem'd i but deareft-Madamr— — 

AUtb. Pny lee ate go. Sir, I hare faid^ and (ai!er*d 
enough already. 

Har. Then yoa MriU not look upooy aor pity mjf 
fu£ferings? 

Jiitb. To todfr upon 'em, v^en I cannot heTp "emj 
were cruelty, not pity, therefore I will nerer fee you 
more. 



.C 



k")o<^!fc 



1:84 .. Tk'e' Cotmtry-Wije. 

"- Har. Letme then. Madam, hare my privilege of 

% barnflied I^rer, complai&ing or railing, and giving 

yon buc a Crewel Reaibn ; why, if yoa cannoc pon- 

defcend to marry me, you Jhou'd not take chat 

Wretch nw Rjval. 

- AUtb. He only, not you, iince my Honour is en* 

eag'd fo far to him, can g^ve me a Reafon, why I 

Ston'd not marry him ; but if he be. tfae, and what I 

think him to me, I mufi be fo to him j your S6r^ 

rant. Sir. 

Har. HaveWom^Qonlyconfiancy when 'tis a Vice, 
and are like fortune o^ily true to Fools ? 

Dor. Thou Iha't ^Qt utr thou robufi Creature, yoa 
fee I can deal with yon, therefore you Hiou'd fiay the ra- 
ther, and be kinj3, \To Lucy, who firuggles m get from iim, 

Enttr Pinchwife. 

Mr. Tin. Gone, gone, not to be found j quite gone, 
ren thoufands Plague^ go with '1^ i which way 
went they. 

Mitb. But into^ t'other walk. Brother. 

Lucy. Their bufinefs will be done pfefently fure, 
an't pleafe your Worlhip, it can't be long )n doing 
Fm fare ont. 

jtUtb. Are they nop there ? 

Mr. Pin. No, yoti know where they are, you in- 
bmoui Wretch, Eternal ihanie of your Family j^which 
you do not diftiOnour enough your felf, yon think, but 
you muft help her to do it too, tl^q.]Le^on of Bawds. 

Alitb. Good Brother. 

A&. Pin. Damn'd, damn'd Sifter. 

Atitb. Look you here, fhe's coming. 

Evter Si£firefs Piochwtfe in Man's Cloatbi, nmntng vhb 

^ her Hat under her arm, fkS of Orangti and dri«d fruii 

Homer folkving, 

Mrt. Tin. O dear BuJ, look yon here what I harft 
£oc, fee. 

^ Mr.?in. 



the Cotmtrj'tVife, 185 

zir. Pin. And wfaat X have got here too^ which yon 

can't fee. CifiJe, ''tuhbi»g bit forehead. 

Mrt. Pin. The fine Gehtleman has given me becttijr 

thingE yet. . - 

Mr. Pin. Has he fo? [Oat of breath and colonr'd— • 

J moft hold yet. l^fiJi. 

Nor. I have only given your little Brother aiti 

Orange, Sir. 

Mr. P». Thank ypn. Sir. [To Horner. 

-You have oiily fqaeezed my Orange, I fuppofe, and 
^ven it me again; yet I muft have a Cityr 
patience. [JfiJe 

Come, come awayi——— [Tohitffife. 

Mtu Pin. Stay, till I have put up my fine things, 
pad. 

Enter Sir Jafper Fidget. 

Sr.Jaf. O Matter Horner^ come, come, the Indies 
.flay for you i your Miflrefs, my Wife, wonders yon 
make not more hafte to her. 

Her. I have ftaid thb half hour for you here, and 
-(is your fault I am not now with your Wife. 

Sr. Jaf. But pray, don't let her know fo much,~ 
the: truth on't is, I was advancing a certain Piojeft 
to His Majefty, about- ■• — I II cell you. 

Hor. No, let s go, and hear it at your faoufe :. Good 
night fweet little Gentleman ; one kifs more, you'll 
remember me now I hope. \R'3" her, 

Der. What, Sir Jo/per, will you feparate Friends ? 
he promis'd to fup withu$, and if you take him to 
your boufe, you'll 'be in danger of our Company 
too. _, 

St. Jaf. Alas Gentlemen, my houfe is not fit for 
you, there are none but civil Women there, whiqh 
are not for your turn ; he you know can bear with 
the Society of civil Women, now, ha, ha, ha,* be- 
fides he's one of my Family ; he's, — heh, heh, hcfi. 

Der. What is he ? 
I Sr. Jaf. Faith, my Eunuch, fipce youll have- it, 
heb,he,he* [Sxir ^jrJafMi/ Fidget, WHoriief. 

:.. ., Dtr 



Vtr. I rather wilhtbou wert bis. or my Ctt4;&^ld : 
JJtrcem-tt what a good Cuckold is loft there, £[v 
wane of a Man to make him one j thee and I ouioot 
liave Bomtr's jirivilege, whocan make u(e ofit^ t 

Har.Ay, to poor Hometj 'tis like coming .W; an 
Bfiateat threelcore, when a Man cw'i ba ^bel- 
ter for't. 

Mr. Tin. Come. 

Ahi, T'm. Prefently Bnd. 

Hot. Come let us %p too : Madaa your SvvaAC. 

£r#AH«hM. 

Good night Strapper.——— £7VLBcy, 

Bar, Madam, though you will not kt ne b»ve a 
good .Day, or NkhL I wiJh you otae j but d^te not 
name the other half of my with. 

Alitb. Good mgh^ Sir, for ever. 

^s. Bin. Idod^know \yhereto putthis here, dear 
Ikdj you fliall eat it j nay, you fhdl hero pare of the 
£ne Genilemans good Thiogi, or Treaty as you call Ir^ 
when we coipe home. 

Mr. Pi». Indeed, I defefve it, fmoe I furailh'd.the 
Iwft part of it. IStriiai «v«; the Orangi, 

The Gallant treats Pre&nu, and givas the Ball ; 
But 'tis the ahfem Cuclwld, pays for ^U. 



ACT IV. SCENE I. 

/» PinchwlTeV /ioii/i i« the Morwit^ 

Xucy, Alitbea dnfti ia ntv Cla^lm 

Ijicj. TTCT^" — Madam, now Hawl dnft'd yoBj, 

V V and fet you Out wkh (a praoy Ornaments, 
and rpent upon you ounces of Eflenca, and PulttttJo ; 
and all this for no other purpofe, but as Poofite adorn, 
and perfumea Cocps-for a ftuikiiig fecond-hand Grare^ 
Inch or as bad X tsbuk Mafler S»*kilh's B«d. 

;.,■"' ." V . jiiitk,. 



jtlit^ HtAd 7«ur Pac«. 

Zjity. Koyj Mitfun, I vflt a»k you die Rssfen/ 
why you wou'd bani/h poor Matter Htreemt fov 
ever from your figbc ? how couM j'ou be fo hMd- 

^AmI. lyas becaufe I vr» not bard-hearKiJ; 
£Mr/. N6, no { 'cwat Ank Ion and kindneff, I 



Jlith. It was fo j I wou*d fee him no more> '%#• 
cnft I love him. 

Lmty, Hey-day, a very pretty Reafon. 
-iOlttL Yqo 4b «0t a»d«r{iatKl me. 

Lmc^. I wilh you may your felf. ■ - 

jiAM. I was to^e^ to tMrry, yoa ite, anoAer 
Kfon, whom my joiiIim wiU not t^Set me to dt* 
ceive, or iii)are. 

Lm^ Ca(i tftare be a ^ater cheat, or wrong done 
to a Msn, than to give him yoei* Perfbn, Wtcbouc 
yoiW' heart ; I Jhoa'd n»ke a Coiifeienee of it. 

>tiM. ru retrieve it fer hjtn, after I am tnarHdl 
k-wMle. 

Lucy. The Wonran that mames to lore better, wtt 
be as much mistaken, as the Wenoher that marries to 
live better. No, MaJBtn, nisrryifigtoincrearelovef 
is like gaming «o thsccme Mh j aUs, you en^y lofe 
wliat Ihtle flock y.oti had before. 

jilitA. I (kid by your Rheierlck yon have been 
biiU»'d to betray me. 

iwc/. Only by his k»m, that has biib'd your heart 
you fee againft your Word, and rigid Honour ; but 
what a Devil is this Honour ? 'm fufe a Difesfo in 
tho Head, like the Megrim, oi Falfing-fickneftj 
th« always -hurries People away to dothemTeWts rait 
chief; Men lefe their lives by it: Women, what'f 
dearer to 'em* their Lixve, the life of Life 

Altti. Ceme, pray talk you no mor^ Af-Horrooir," 
nor Matter Htroourt j 1 wiili the othei- w«n'i? ccnw>' 
to fecore my Fidelity to him, and his ftight in me. 
■ Ltny. You wiH marry him then .^ 

Mi- 



x88- TbeCttmtrf'mft. 

AUth. Certainly^ I hare ^vea him already my 
yr-ot^, and will my.Hand too^ to make it good when 
he comes. 

, Zwcr.Well, I wifh.Imay never ftiekpia more, if- 
he be not an errant Natural, to t'other fine Gentleman. : 

Allth. I own he wana the Wit of Htramrtt whi<;h 
t: will difpenfe withal , for another wane he has> 
which is want of jealoafie, which Men of Wit jCdaom ■ 
WlWlt.- i ■, ■■ 

Lucy. Lord, Madam, what fbond yon do with ft. 
Fool to your ^usband, yon iniendrtobehoaeft^ don't 
you ? then that husbandly Virtue, .Credulity, is thiftwn 
away upon you. , i ..■ 

-iJ^ith. He only -that could fufpcd my Virtue, fhoti'd 
have cauft; to do jt ,- 'ti$ Sfurkip'i confidence iq my' 
truth, that obliges me to be fo faithful to him. .. > 
' Lttcj. You are not fure his Opinion may laft. 

Aliilf.' I am fatisfied, 'tis impofCble for him to bo - 
jealous, after the Proofs I have had of him : JealouHe 
'in a Husband] Heaven defend me from it, it begets 
a thoufand Plagues, to a poor Woman, the lofs of her . 
Honour, her Quiet, and her— — 

Lucy. And her Pleafure. 

AUtb. What d'ye mean. Impertinent ? 

LucjF. Liberty is a great Pleafure, Madam. 

Alitb. I fay lofs of her Honotir, her Quiet, nay^ 
her Life fomecimesj and what's as bad almoft, the 
lofs of this Town, that is, fhe is fent into the Coun- 
try, which is the laft ill ufage of a Husband to a 
Wife, I think. « 

Lucy. O do's the Wind lie there ? t^JiJf^ 

'Then of necelficy. Madam, you think a Man moft 
carry his Wife into the Country, if he be wife ; the 
Country is as terrible. I find to our young Englifb . 
Ladies, as a Monaltery to thofe abroad j and on my 
Virginity, I think they wou d rather marry a Londm- 
Goaler, than a high Sheriff of a County, fince neither - 
can fiir from his Imployment : formerly Women of 
Wit rparried Fools, for a great Eftate, a fine. Seat, 
or the like j but now 'tis for a pretty Seat only 



The CeuHtry-Wt/e.' i8j 

ia Linain'ihm-FuUty St. Jamt-BeUtj or the ?«£- 

, Eittir uihirn Sparkifb^ mt*/; Harconrt . > 

-; ', Jrtftd like,a7»rfoa.. - ; . 

Sfar. Madam, ypnr hnmHe ^exvafit, a htppy dajF 
to yon, and to us all; t : 

Hiir. Amen. — ■ — r-^- . ; i 

- Alitk. Who have we here? 

Sfar. My Chaplain faUh; :— O Madani>,poor 

Harcourt remembers his humble Service to you ; and 
In Obedience to yonrlafl Commands, refrains coning 
into your Sigh/., 

. ^itb. h not that tie? . . - 

' Star. No, fyq nq J but to fliew that he ne'er in4 
tended to hinder oiJir Match has fent his Brother here 
to join our hands; when I get me a AKfife, J mull 
^et her a Chaplain/ according to the Cuflpm^ tl^ 
IS his Brother, and my Chaplain. 

jtiitb. His Brother? 

Luty. And your Chaplain, to preach in your PnU 
pic then iJJiJi* 

Alitb. His Brother ! 

Spar. Nay, I knew you wouM not believe it ; I 
told you. Sir, Ihe wou'd take you for your Brother 
Irank. 

Alitb. Believe it! 

Lucj. His Brother ! hah, ha, he, he has a trick lefit 
flill it feems \_Aftdt. 

Spar. Come my deareft, pray let us go to Chnrchr 
before the Canonical hour is paft. 

Aliti. For fliame, you are abus'd ftill. 

Sfar. By the World 'tis ftrange now yon are fo 
incredulous. 

Al'ti. 'Tis Grange you are fo credulous. 

Spar. Deareft of my Life, here me, I tell you this 
is Ntd. Hareomrt oi CambrUgtj by the World, you fee 
he has a fneaking College look ; 'tis true he's feme-' 
thing like his Brother Frank, and they differ from 
eiach oth^r 90 more tbat\ in f heir Age, for they were 
Twins. Lucj. 



t90 ' fheC9tmtry4rffe: | 

Alhb. Your Serrant, Sir, I caniioc be fb AtctWi^ 
though yon «« j but ooffle kt.s !war^ liow do yoa | 
luiow what yoa affirm fo eonddently ? 

Sfar. W^hy, I'll tell yoQ all ^ Frank Harcettrt comiog 
IP n» tJiU TAonAog, to wiA nie ^dy, and prefent his 
Service to yoo : I ask'd him, ifmcoa'd he^ me to ' 
a Parfon, whereupon he told me, hQ had a Brmher ' 
in Town who was in C^^s, aqd he went -ftraight 
B«Xf,-and ftnthim^yoa lee there, to mt. . 

jtli/k. Yes, Rtnk goes, and puts on a black-coat, ! 
ihniulli you, fas 4s IfeJ, ^at'» aH yqa hare fbr^r. 

Sftr. Plhaw, Pfliaw, I tell yqa by the fame token, 
the Midwife put her Garter aboov 2ri»nl*s Jieck>, to 
know '^mafuoder, they were (b like. 

jtiitk Pfmk tells yon this coo. 

Sfap. Ay, and SfeJ, there too j i^y, they are bodi 
ia a StoiT. 

Alitb. So, fo, very fooliAi. 

Spar. Lord, if you won't believe one, yoo bad teft 
try him by your ChanAer-maid there j for Chamber- 
B^dsmoft needs know Chaplains from other Men, 
they are fo us'd to 'em, 

t^. Let's fee j nay, HI be fwprti he has the 
CanoMcal fmirk, and the hitby, dammy palm of a 
Chaplain. 

AlUb. Well, moft reverend Doftor, pray let bs 
make an end of t las footing. 
. I&r. With all my Soul, Divine, Heavenly Creature, 
when yoa '^afe. . 

Alitb. He fpeaks like a Chaplain indeed. 

Sfar. "Why, was there not. Soul, Divine, Hearcflly 
iav^athefatd? 

Alltb, Once more, moil impertinent Black-cMf, 
ceafe your perfecution, aiid let us have a Conclufioa 
•f this ridieoloufi Love. 

•Hsr. I had forgot, I mnft fate my Stile to my 
Coat, or 1 wear it in vain. [^4^ 

Alitb. I have no more patience left, let us nal^c 
oow VI cad of this noubkfome Love, 1 fay. 

■ SUr. 



The CMmtryWifir. 191 

Uar. - So be itj Seraphick Lady« when your Hoooor 
fiiall think it meet, and convenient fo to do. 

Sfgr. 'Gad I'm fure none but a Chaplain coa'd fpeak 
fo, 1 think. 

Aiitb. Let me tell yon. Sir, (bis dull Trick, will not 
fenre your mm, thoagh you delay qur Marriage, yoa ■ 
fiiall not hinder it. 

Hff. Far be it from me, ManiticBat t^atronefs, to 
delay your Marriage, I defire tiothing more than to 
marry yoa prefently, which I- nright do, if yoa your 
felf wou'd ; for my Noble, Good-natur'd, and thrice 
Generous Patron here wou'd not hinder it. 

Spar. No, poor Man, not 1 faith. > , . 

Hot. And now. Madam, let me tell ypt^ plainly, 
no Body elfe Ihall marry you, by Heavens, I'll .^e - 
firfl, for I'm fure I ihou'd die after it. 

2.119'. How his Love has madb him forget his Fun^ 
^on, as i have feen ic in real Parfons. 

Alitb. That was fpoken like a Chaplain too, now 
yon nnderftand him, I hope. . ! . 

5/Mr. Poor Man, he takes ic hainouOy to berefus'd; 
I can't blame him, 'tis putting an Indignity upon him^ 
not to be fuffer'd, but you'll pardon me; Madam, 
it Ihan't be, he ihall marry us, come awayj pray^; 
Madam. 

Lucy. Hah, ha, he, more ado! 'tis late. 'j 

^irb. Invincihle Stupidity, I tell you he wou'd 
marry oif , as your Rival, not as your Chaplain. 

Sport Come, come Madam. - [^PuUirfg her awajrJ- 

Lbc/. I pray, Ihladam, do not refufe this Reverend ' 
Divine, jihe honour and fatisfadion of marrying' 
yoa i for I dare fay, be has fet his Heart npon'e, good 
Dodor. 

jiUth. What fan yoa hope, or delign by this ? 

Hn*. I coa'd anfwer her, a Reprieve for a Day . 
obIv, -often revokes a hafty Doom? Ac v/tx&f 
if me will not take mercy on me, and let me mar- 
ry her, I hare at lealt the lover's fecond Plea- 
fare, bindring niy Rival's Enjoyment, though but for . 
a time. 

O S'pir. Come 



i^r the CamtrfW^ 

Sfar. Com« Madani^ 'tik e'en tweire a Clock, and 
my Mother charg'd me nerer to be mamed oat of the 
Canonical Hoars ; come, come. Lord here's fiich a 
deal of Modefty, I warrant the firft Day. 

Luey. Yes, tn't plcafe your Worftip, married Wo- 
men ftew all their Modefiy the firu Day, becaufe 
married Men fhew all their Love the firft Day. 

{Extmt SparkjOi, Atithea, Harcourt^ and Lucy. 

TTh Seme eha»ges to a Btd-chamher, whtrt a^ar Pinch' 
wife, atid Mrs. Pinchwife. 

Mr. Tm. Come tell me, I fay. 

Mrf. Pirn Lord, hflft-'c I cold it an bandied times 
over. 

Mr. Pi». I wou'rf try, if in the Repetition of the 
nngratcAit Tale, I cou'd' find her alterine ir iir the 
leaft Circomftance, for if her Stoiy be fille, flie is 
fotoo. lAfiJe, 

Come, how was't Bag^ge ? 

Mri.Vin. Lord, wlMt Scafure yon take to heat it 
fore! 

Mr, Pm. No, you take more in teUSng it I find,* bnc 
fpeak, bowwas't? 

Mn.Pin. He carried me Up ioto tbc^ Hoofe, next to 
the Exchange. 

Mr. Tin. So, and you Two were on ly in the Room. 

Mrs. Pin. Yes, for he fent away z yoarh that was 
there, for (bme dried Frutt, and Chtrta Oranges. 

A^. Pin. Did he fb .*- Damn him for it— —and 
for 

Mrj, Ph. Btit presently came op the Gentlewoman 
of the.Honfe. 

Mr- Pin. O, 'twas well {he did, but <vhat did he do 
ii^Ieft the Fmircame ? 

Mri. Pin. Hekifs'd me a hundred tjimes, and told 
me he fancied he kiis'd my fine S {fter, meaning 
ne you know, whom he faid he Id r'd with aU his 
Soaf, and bid me be fare to tell her fo, and to de- 
fire her to be at her Window, by elev en of the Ctock 



The Cetmtrj^.Wife. , 19 j 

^ils ftJOTiuDg, and he wou'd walk under it at that 
time. 

Mr. Pin. And he Was as good as his word^ reif 
ptmaaali a Pox reward him for't. C^^'. 

Afrj. Ph. Well, and he laid tf yon were not within, 
he won'd coitie no to her, nKanioeme yon Inow^ 
Bod, ftiH- 

.«>■. Pin. So he knew her cerraioly, bat for this 

Confeffion, I am oblig'd to her Smplicity.. [.^fide. 
But what, you flood very ftill, when he kift'd yon ? 

Mri. Fin. Yes, I warrant you, won'd yon have had 
ine difco^er'd my felf ? 

Mr. Pin. But you told me, he did fome Bea'Minefs 
to you, as you call it, what was't ? 

Mrs. Pin. Why, he iraty — 

Mr.Pln. What? 

A*-j. Pin. Why he put the lip of Ims Tongue %e- 
tween my JJps, and fi> muiQ'd ffl&— and t laid, Id 
bite it. 
. Afr. PAi. An eternal conker feize It, for a Dog, 

Mri. P*». Nay, you need not be fo angry with hini 
heither, for to fay truth, he has the fweeteft Breath 
lever knew. 

Mr. Pin. The Devil^-^— you were fMisAcd with k 
•Qtea^ and wou'd do it again. 

Mrs. Pin. Not unlcfs he flton'd force me. 

Atr. Pin. Force you, changeling, I tell yon no Wtf- 
than can be forced. 

A^s. Pin. Yes, bat ike may fare, by faoh aoneai 
he, for he's a proper, goodly ftrong Man, 'tis hard, 
let me tell yon, to rehft him. 

Jt^. Pin. So, *tia plain flie loves him, yet fhe has not 
t^re enoagh to make her conceal it from me, but the 
fight of him will inereafe her AverHon for me, and 
Lore for hiih j and that Love inltrn^ her how to 
deceite me, and factsfie him, all Ideot at fbe is: 
Z^ove, 'twas be gave Wnnen firft their Craft, their 
Art of deluding ^ out of Nature's Hands they camtt 
^in, open, Wly, and fit for Slaves, at She and Hea- 

«n intenddd *em i but damn'd tovo — *-W«H 1 

Ox . , njuft 



194 ^*' CMMtnWtfe: 

mnfl flranglethae little Monfler, whUefl I can dtial 

with him. 

Go fetch Pen, Ink, md Paper out of the next Room. 

Afrj. Tin. Ves, Bud. lExk A*-/. Pinchwifc. 

MT.?in. Why. Ihoold Women have more Fi^entioix 
in Love than Men i It can only be, becaole they have 
more Defires, more folicLting PaffionSj more Liift,and 
more of the Devil. {.-^M'* 

Come, Minks, fit down and write. 
Jl^t. Pin.' Ay, dear Bud, bot f can't do't very welL 
Mr. Pin. I wjiii you cou'd not at all. 
Mrt. Pitt. But what ihou'd I write for f 
Idr. Pin. I'll have yoa write a Letter to your Lover. 
Mrs. Via. O Lord, to the fine Gentleman a Letter ! 
Mr. Pin Yes, .to the fine Gentleman. 
Mrs. Pin, Lord, you do but jeer ; fure you jeft. 
Mr.Piii. 1 am not fo merry, come write aslbid 

Mrs. Pin. What, do you think, I am a Fool ? 

A^. Pin. She's afraid I would not didace any love 
to bimj therefore Ihe's unwilling ; but you had belt 
begin. 

Mri. Pin. Indeed, and indeed, but I won't, fo I 
won't. 

Mr. Pin. Why.' 

Mri. Pin. Becaule he's in Tovn, you may fend for 
him if you will. ... * 

Mr. Pin. Very well, you wou'd have him brought 
to you ; is' it eome lo this ? I fay take the Pen and 
write, or you'll provoke me. 

Mru Pin. Lord, what d'ye make a Fool of me for ? 
Don't I iknoW' that Letters, are never writ, but. from 
the Country to Ltm^vn, and from Z!.onJ(:» ,into the- 
Couitjtry ; now he's in 1 own, and lani inTown too j 
therefore I can'c write to him you Juiow. 

Mr. Pin, So, lam glad it is no worfe^ ib^e is inao- 
Qtnt enough-yet. ', • ^JfiJi. 

Yes 



The CouMtry-mfe. 1 9 5 

Yes yon may, when yonr Husband bids you, write 
Letters to People that are in Town- 

Mrs. Pin. O mayl fo ! Then I'mfatUfied. 

Mr. Tin. Come begin Sir \_DiBatts. 

Mrs. Pin. Shan't I Uy, dear Sir ? Yon know one fays 
always fomething more than bare Sir. ' 

Mr. Pin. Write as I bid you, or I will write Whore 
with this Penknife in your Face. 

Mrs. Pin. Nay, good Bud Sir— ^ [She writei. 

Mr. Pin. Though I fnffer'd laft Night your naufeous; 
loath'd KilTes and Embraces Write. 

Mrs. Pin. Nay, why flioa'd I fay fo ? You know I 
told you, he had a fweet Breath. 

Mr. Pin. Write. 

Mrs. Tin. Let me bat pot cot, loath'd. 

Mr. Pin. Write I fay. 

Mrs. Pirn. Well then. [ mttsi 

Mr. Pin. Let's fee, what have yoa writ ? 
ThoDgh I fuflcr'd laft Night your Kifles and ^- 
braces-^— ^Takes the Pafer, andrtaJs. 

Thou impudeae Creature, where is naufeous and 
loath'd i 

Mrs. Tht. 1 can't abide to write fuch filthy Words. 

Afr. Pin. Once more write as I'd have yon, and 

foeftion it not, or I will fpoil thy writing wich tliis; 
will lUb OQC thofe Eyes that caufe my MHchief. 
[ Holds ttf the Tenhtife. 
Mrs. Tin. O Lord, I will. 

Mr. Pin. So fo let's fee now! [ Reads. 

Though I fuffer'd laft Night your naufeous, loath'd 

Kifles, and Embraces ; go on Yet 1 would not 

hare you prefutne that you fliall ever repeat them 

So ' ' ■ t ^^' writes^ 

Mrs. Pin. I have writ ic. 
A*-. Pin. On then— I then conceal'd my felf from 

your Knowledge, to avoid your InfolelicieS 

[ She writes. 
Mrs. Pin. So " — — ■ ■ 

Afr. Pin. The fame reafon now I am out of your 

Hands > isbejyrittt^ 

O 3 Mrs. Fin. 



^^6 -The Cmtftrf P^tfe. 

Mr I. Tin. So ■ ■ 

Mr. Tin. Makes me own to you my unfortunate, 
though inaocent FioUck, of being in Mtn's Coaths. 

Mn. Tin. So , ' ' 

Mr. Tin. That you may for evermore ceafe to par- 
fae hcTj who hates and detcHs yod— — [SbtwrMi en. 
' Mrs.Th. So— — h ' i Sight. 

Mr. Tim. What do you figh ?— ^etefts you— —as 
much as (he loves her Husband and her Honour^-— ' 
' Mn: Tin. I TOW Husband he'll ne'er beliere, I (hon'd 
write foch a Letter. 

■ Mr- Tin. What he'd expeA a kinder from y^\ 
Coitie now your Name odiy. 

Mrt. Tin. What, fhan't I fay your moA faithful, 
humble Servant 'till death ? ■ 

Mr. Tin. No, tormenting Fiend j her Stile t nnd 
wou'd be very foft. [ Afiit. 

Come wrap it up now, whileft I go fetch ^ax and a 
Candle j and write on the back-fioe. For MuHamtr. 
• [ £«« Pincbwiie. 

Mrs. Tin. For Mr. Horner^— %Oy 1 am glad he bai 
told me his Name ; Dear Mr. Hom»j but why Qtould 
'1 fend thee fueh a Letter, that will vex thee, and 
make thee angry withmej— *— well I will not fend 
k— — Ay, but then my Husband will kill rap -r—ioi I 
fee plainly, he won't let ■ me love Mr. Hproer— but 
what care I for my Husband »-^ I won't, fo I wtui't, 
fwd poor Mv. Homtt fueh a Letter — but then my 

Husband -Buioh— — wharif I writ at bottom, my 

fiusfcand made -me write it- — Ay, bat thenmyHus*- 

band wou'd fce't' Can one have no ihiftjah, aii»- 

W<»r Woman wou'd have had a hundred preleotly 1 
flay-; — what if I ifaon'd Write a Letter, and wrap it 
up iUte thisj and write upon't too j ay, but then |ny 
Husband Wou'd fee't-^r— f don't know what to do— — 
But yet y vads HI try, fo 1 vnll-^for I will not fend 
this Letter to poor Mr. Hanur, come what will on't. 
I Dear, fweet Mr. Konwr^- — iShtwriru,Midrtfiftt 

fo my Husband wou'd Imvc i wbatMu iutb nvk. 

\. ... ~ . :: •:-..■:'■■-. - tnS 



The C^untrfWife. 197 
me iend you a bafe, jude, anmannerly Lettei^-^-b||^ 
I won't—' — {0— " and wou'd have me forbid you lov- 
ing me — bot I won't yi*^— and wou'd have me 

lay to yon, I bate you poor Mr, f£)r«fr botlwon't 

tell a Lye for him tbert—^iQt I'm fu« if yoa and 

I were m the Country at Cards together, — —f^.--. 
I cou'd not help treading on your Toe wider the Ta- 
ble /i) ■ -or rubbing Kaeeswith yon, and Oaring 

in your Face, *ttll you faw me vtrj wt3 — :— and 

then looking down, and blulhing for an Hour toge- 
ther fi but I muft make faafle before my Hus- 
band comes ; and now he has caught me to write Ixc- 
ters : You fliall have longer ones ^om me, who am 
Dear, dear, poor dear Mr. Hmur, 

Your moft humble Friend, and 
Servant to command 'cUI deaths 
- MargtTj Piacbwife. 

Scaylmuft give him a hint at bottom^— jS—^ 

now wrap it up juft like t'other— yo-*— now write 

for Mr. Hinwfl-,— — Bot oh now, what ftall I do 

with ic ? for here comes lAy HQsband. 

Enter Pinchwife. 

Mr. fin. I have been detained by a S|^kifli Cox- 
comb, who pretended a ViTtt to mc ; Imt I icar 'twas 
to my Wife. iJfiJe. 

What, have you done ? 

Mn. Pin. Ay, ay. Bod, jaft now. 

Afr. P(>. Let's fee'f, what d'ye tren^c fdr, what, 
you wou'd not have it go ? 

Aft-/. Pin. Here- No I mvttKHi «f«nt, mJ rtaJs 

not give him that, fo I had beeni ibt pfjt Lentr. 
ferved if I had given him this. [-4^- 

il*-. Fin. Come, whertfs the Wax and Serf ? 

Mrs.Pin. Lord, what Ihall I do dow ? Nay itiwi I 

have it l-4/l^' 

Pray let me fce't, 3Lo*d {.Snatthtt tht Letttr frtm imn, 
yon tMnk me fo errand i tbangn irfir tkt »ibtr, fists 
a Pod, I cannot feal a ( it , and diliviri it tf idm 
Letter, I Wia do- 1 fo I wiH. 

O4 ¥'•7'*^ 



198 the CoMMtryWife. 

% .Mr. Phf. Nay, I befiere yon wil! learn that and 0- 
ther ttuogs too, which I wou'd not have yob. 

Ahf. Tin. So, han't I done it CQrionfly ? 
I think i have, there's my Letter goiog to Nifr. Homer ; 
fince he'll needs have me fend Letters to Folks. \_JJide^ 

Mr. Fin. 'Tis ?ery well, bat I wariaat, yoq wou'd 
not have It go now ? 

Mrt. Tin. Yes indeed, bat 1 wou'd. Bad, now. 

Mr. ?in. Well, yon are a good Girl then, come let 
me lock yoo np in your Chamber, 'till I come back ; 
- and be fare you come not within three Strides of the 
Window, whetr I am gone ^ for 1 hare a Spye in 
the Street. [Exit Mrs. Pin. 

At leaft 'tis fit (he thinks fo, if we J Pinchwtfe locks 
do not cheat Women, they'll cheat 7 *^' Door. 
us; and Fraud may 4ie juftlynfed with (ecrec Ene- 
niies, of which a Wife is the moll dangerous j and he 
that has a handfome one to keep, and a Frontier Town, 
muft provide againQ Treachery, rather than open 

Force- Now I have iecured all within, I'll ^eal 

with the Foe without vfkh Mk Inteltigeni;e.- 

[^ Holds up the Letter. 

I Exit Pinchwife. 

. . Jptp ScfiK (katfget to Horner'j LeJging. 
Quack and Hornet- 

^u. Well Sir, how fudges the new -Deljgn ; have 
you not the luck qf all your Brother Proje^rs, co 
deceive only your felf at laft } 

Hiir- Npygpod Awfiae PoAor, Lde^eive you it feems^ 

at]d others too ; foc^be grave Mattonf, and old ri^ 

. (iiisbands think me as un6t for Love, as they ate } but 

their' Wji^ves, SiA^rs^ ^o4 Daughcers,. kniow fome of 

:>m better tl^iqg^pyrea^y. ' , 

^.Already; ..i 

Hw.. Already, ] j^y^ ^ Ni^ 1 was drunk wifh 

, h^lf a Dozen of ycutt civil PetTcu^.as you call 'etji, 

and'iPiOoj^l^ of, Hwp'uri and fo w^^dp/iee .of^t{i^ 

Society, and Dremng-ropp^ fp( eV:6r her^aftef j,afd 



T%e Coutttry-fyife. 199 

am already come to the Pririleges o£ (leefnng opon 
their PaUatSj warming Smocks^ eying Shoes and Gar-' 
ters, and the like Do&or^ already, already Dodor. 

^». Yon hare made ufaof your timc^ Sir. 

Her. 1 cell thee, I sm now no more Ineerruprion to 
*em, when they fiog, or talk bawdy, than a little 
Sgaab Frmcb Page, who fpeaks no Etiglijh. 

^. Bat do civil Perfons, and Women of Honour 
drink, and fing bawdy Songs ? 

Hot. O amongft Friends, amongft Friends; for your 
Bigots in Honour, are juft like thofe in Religion ; 
they fear the Eye of the World, more than the Eye 
of Heaven, and think there is no Vertue, but railing 
at Vice j and no Sin, but giving Scandal : They rail 
at a poor, little, kept Player, and keep themfelves 
fome young, modeft Putpic Commedian to be privy 
to their Sins in their Clofets, not to tell 'em of them 
in their Cbappels. ^ 

^. Nay, the Truth on't is, Priefls amongft the 
Women now, have quite got the better of qs Lay- 
Confeflbrs, Phyfidaos. 

fler. And they are rather their Patients, but— . 

Enttr my Lady Fidget, Utkhg shtitt btr. 

Now we talk of Women of Honour, here comes 
one. Hep behind the Screen there, and but obferve ; 
if I have not particular Privileges, with the Women 
of. Reputation already, DoAor, already. 

La. Fid. Well HomtTj am not I a Woman of Ho- 
nour ? You fee I'm a» good as my word. 

Hor. And yoa fh all fee, Madam, I'll not be behin4- 
hand with yott in Honour ; and lil be as good as my 
word too, if yon pleafe but to withdraw into the next 
Room. ... 

La. Fid. But firft, my dear Svt you muft promife 
to4^ve a.careof -my d£ar Honour. 

■Hot. If you talk a word more ,of your Honour, 
.you'l^ make meJnc^pable to wrongs ip ; to talk of Hti~ 
S^iir ^l the Myfleries of Love, is like talking of Hea- 
ven, 



200 The CimntryWiJe. 

Tcn, or the Deity in an C^ration of Witchcraft, 
juft when you are employtog the Deril, it mafces the 
Charm impotent. 

La. Bd. Nay, Ae, let us not be fmooty ; but yoti 
talk of Myfteries, and bewiubing to me, 1 don'c un- 
derftand you. 

Hot. I tcU ypa. Madam, the word Money in a 
XiiftK^es Mouth, at fudi a nick of time, is not a 
more difhearcing found to a younger Brother, than 
that of Honour to an eager Lover like my felf. 

La. Fid. But you can't blame a Lady of my Repn* 
tatioa to be chary. ' 

Hot. Chary 1 hare been chary of it already, by 

the Report I have cans'd of my felf. 

La. Ftd. Ay, but if you flion'd ever let other Wo- 
men know that dear Secret, it would come out j nay, 
yoQ muft have a great care of your ConduA ; for my 
Acquaintance are fo cenforious, ( oh 'tis a wiclied cen- 
forioas World, Mr. Hwfifr, ) I fay, are fo cenforious, 
and detraAing, that perhaps they'll talk to the Pre- 
judice of my Honour, though you ftou'd not !ec 
them know thfr dear Secret. 

Hor. Nay, Madam, rather than they fliall prejudice 
your Honour, I'll prejudice theirs j and to ferve you, 
I'll lie with 'em all, ^ake the Secret their own, and 
then they'll keep it : I am a Maehiavelia Love, Ma- 
dam. 

La. Fid. O, no Sir, not that way. 

Hffr. Nay, the Devil take me, If cenforioos Wo- 
men are to be (ilenc'd any other way. 

Ls. Ftd. A Secret is better kept I hope, by a Angle 
Perfbn than a Multitude ; therefore pmy do not croft 
any Body elfe with it, dear, dear Mr. Anstr. 

Enttr 5t> Jafper Fidget. 

Sr. J*f. How now ! 

La. Fid. O my Hssband—— prevented — -«nd iriiat's 
almoft as bad, found with my' Arms rtoue another 
Man—— that will appear too mnch^— — what AaD I 

Sir 



Sir Ji^ come hict^, I am trying if l/tt. Homer vrtsta 
dcUilh, ind he's as tickllfli a& can be, I love to cor- 
ment tbe coofounded Toad } let yon and I tickle him. 

Sr. jF«/I No, your LadyJlii^ will tickle him better 
without mo, I fuppofe ; but is this your baying.Chir 
oa, I thought yoa had been at the China.houre ? 

Bar. Cluiia-Houre, that's my Cue, I muft take it, 

A Pox, can't yoa keep yonr impertinent Wives at 
home i'. Some Men are troubled with the Hnsbands, 
but I inth the Wives ; bat I'd have yoa to Icnow, 0a£e 
1 cannot be yoar Journey-man by Night, I will not 
be your Drudge by Day, to fquire your Wife about, 
and be your Man cf Straw, or Scare-crow only to 
Pyes and J>y*i that woatd be nibling at your forbid- 
den fhut ; 1 Iball be fiiortly the Hackney Geotkman- 
Uiher of the Town. 

^r. ?V^Heh, heh, he, poor Fellow he's in the right 
oo't raicb, to fquire Women about for other Folks, is 
OS ungrateful an Employment, as to tell Money for 
other Folks. [ ^^ 

He, he, he, ben't angry Uame r ^ —— 

Ls. Fid. No, 'm Z have more reafon to be angry, 
who am left by you, to go abroad iodeceoily atone i 
or, what is more indecent, to pin my felf * upon Juch 
ill-bred People of yoar Acquaintance, as this is. 
Sr. ysf. Nay, prithee, what has he done i 
La. BJ. Nay, he has done nothing. ^ 

Sr, Jaf. Bat wbac d'ye take ill, if be has ^ne no* 
thingf 

JU. Kl- Hah, bab^ hah, faith, I cin't but laugh 
however; why, d'ye thimk the nooiaanerly Toad 
woa'd not oome down to me to the Coach, 1 was 
fun to come up to fetch him, or go without him, 
which I ,was rdblved not to do j for he knows China 
very well, and has bimfelf very gooi^j.lwt will noc 
let Btt iiM it, left I £b«utd bex focne ; but I will £nd 
ic o«tf, and banc what I cane for yet. 

, [fiicif Lady Fidget> «W loch tie Dter, 

feBfUftd h Uqrner to the Detr. . . 

Hw.Lock 



101 the Cfiuntry-mfe. 

Her. Lock the Door, Madam— {^Afart to LadyViigst. 
So, flic has got into my Chamber, and lock'd me ont; 
oh the Impertinency of Woman-kind I Well, Sir' Jaf- 
fer, plain-dealing is a Jewel ,• if ever you fuffer your 
Wife- to trouble me again here, ffie fhall carry you 
home a pair of Horns, by my Lord Mayor Ihe fliall ; 
though 1 cannot forniih-yoa my felf, yon are fare, 
yet ril find a way. 

St. Jaf. Hah, ha, he, at my firft coming in, and 
finding her Arms about him, tickling him it feems, 
I was half jealous, but now I fee my Folly, {.^fidi. 
He, he, he, poor Homer. 

Hot. Nay, though yon laugh now, 'twill be my 
turn e'er long : Oh Women, more Impertinent, more 
cunning, and more mifchievous than their Monkeys, 

■ and to me almoft as ugly^ now is flie throwing 

my things about, and rilling all I have, but III get 
in to her the back way, and fo rifle her for i t — — - ^ 

Sr. Jaf. Hah, ha, ha, poor angry HvmtT. 

Hot. Sxsy here a Kttle, ril ferret her out to you 
prefently, I warrant. [ Exit Horner at- t'other Doer. 

Sr. Jaf. Wife, my Lady Fid- ^5/r Jafper edit tbrougb 
pty Wife, he is coming into i theDeertohisififty^t 
you the back way. } anfwtn from within. 

La. FtJ. 'Let hini come, and welcome, which way 
he will. 

Sr. Jaf He'H catch yon, and ufe yon roughly, and 
be too ftrong,for you. 

' La. i4r Bon't yoQ trouble yoiirfelf, let him if h^ 
can. 

^. {^BehindJ This indeed I cou'd not have beUev'tf 
from him, nor any but my own Eyes.- , 

. Enter. Mi^efsSqap^iQi, 

S^utam. Where's -this Womamhater,- this Toad, thh 
v^y, greafie, dirty Sloven }.:■-•■ : < 

■ ^'■- J"/- "So the Women all wiW have him u^y, me- 
thinks he is a comely Perfon ; but his ^Wanrs make his' 
Powi-contemptible to 'em ; and 'tis le'en as my Wife 
faid yefterday, talking ofhkiij-ihat a proper hand- 
■-- fome 



The CtrnttryWife. aoj 

fome Ennnofe, was as ridicalous a thing, » a Gigan- 
lick Coward. 

S^Mtam- Sir Ja/fir, your Servant^ where is the a* 
dious Beaft ? 

Sr. Jaf. He's wichin in hts Chamber, with my 
Wife i /he's playing the Wag with him. 
^ S^ittam. Is {he lo^ and he's a clownilh Beaft, he'll 
give her no Quarter, he'll play the Wag with hera* 
gain, let me tell you ; .come, let's go help her— — 
What, the Door's lock'd ? 

Sr.Jaf. Ajr, my Wife lock'd it 

Sqii€4m. Did fiie fo, let us break it open then? 

St. Jaf. No, no, he'll do her no hort. 

Squtam. No rfiut is there no other way to getin 

to 'em, whither goes this ? I will difturb'em. ^Afidi. 
' . [ Exit Squeamifli «r anotbtr Dm. 

. £»/<r OUla*/)' Squeamifc. 

Old L. Squtam. Where is this Harlotry, this impu- 
dent Baggage, this jambliiw; Tqmrigg^ O Sir J4f» 
I'm glad to fee- ypu here, did you noc fee my vil'd 
Crandchild come in hither jult now ? 

Sr. Jaf. Yes. 

Old L. S^ueam. Ay, but where is. ihc then ? where 
is ihe ? Lord, Sir Jafper, I have e'en ratled my felf to 
pieces in purfuit of her ;. but can you tell what flie- 
makes here ? They fay below, no Woman lodges here. 
■ Sr. Jaf No. 

Old L. Squeam. No— — What does flie here then ? 
lay, if it be not a Woman's Lodging, what makes fhe 
here ? Biit are you fnre oo Woman lodges here ? 

Sr. Jaf. Na, nor no Man neither, this is Mr. Her- 
titr's todging. 

Old L, Squmm, Is it fo are you fure ? 

Sr. J4. Tes, Yes. 

OldL-S^am. So then there's no hurt in't X hope, 
but where is he ? 

Sr. Jaf. He's in the next Room with my Wife. 

OU L. S^ittam. Nay, if yon truft him with your 
Vife, I may with my Biddy, they fay he's a merry 

harm-j^^. 



ib4 tire Country-Wife. 

tutrmlefs Kiaii nbw, e'en as harmleJi A "bAzti ^eVci 
came out of Itatj with a good Voice, ^nd i$ pretty harm- 
lefs Company for a Lady, as a Snake without hisTeecb. 
Sr. J»J, Ay, ay, poor Man^ . 

Ent& Mtu Sqiteami/b* 

S^uiam. i can't find 'em«-Oh, are yoa hereGraod- 

ttiDtner, I followed, yon mnft kntiW, my Lady Ftiia 

bither, 'tts riie precttet} Lodging, ftnd 1 hare been 

flaring on the prcttieQ pidures. 

fiMff Uiy Fidget wifj « fitcf af chiM in itt iU»i, t»l 

HoraafeHemȣ. 

La. FiJ. And I have been toyling an<J iiioyliog, for 
ttie preity'ft piece of China, iny Dear. 

Iter. Nay, fhe has been too hard for ipc, do Mrhat 
I con'd. 

Squeam.. Oh, Lord, I'll harelbme China too, ^ood 
Mr. Homtrt don't think to gire other People Cnm, 
And me none, come In with me too. 

Hbr. Upon ni]' Honour I have none left noW. 

S^ueam. Nay* nay, I have known you deny yoor 
China before now, but you Jhan'c put me off fo. Come— 

Hor. This Lady had the laft therc^ 
, La.Vii. Yes indeed. Madam, to my certain Know- 
ledge he has no ttiore left. 

Squeam. O, bot it may be he may - hare fo^e yo" 
coQid not find. , 

La.FiJ, What d'ye think if he had had iny teft, I 
Would not have had it too, for wc Women of Quali- 
ty never think we have China enough. 

Hot. Do not take it ill, I cannot make China for 
yoa all, but I will have a Rol-n^^on for you too; 
another time. ; 

5j«Mw. Thank you dear Tdad. [ Ta Homer «M'' j 

La, Bd. What do yoa mean by thst Promifc ? 

Hot. Alas, (he has an innocent, literal undcrfta"^" 
ing, [ Afan to Udj Ficlgc'- 

OUL.Sfueam. Poor Mr. Ho>»rf, he hai'enoi^ » 
do to pleafe you all, I fee. 



TheCeuntrjW'fe. iOj 

ttor. Ay, Madam, you fee how they ufe me. 
Old L. S^ueam. Poor Gentleman, 1 pity you. 
Hor. I thank you. Madam, I cou'd never find Pity, 
but from fuch reverend Ladies, as yoa are, the young 
ones will never fpare a Man. 

SqueaiK' Come, come, Beaft, and go dinie with us, 
for we fhall want a Man at Hombre aner Dinner. 
Hor. That's all their nfe of me. Madam, yoa fee, 
S^Heam. Come Sloven, 1*11 lead you to be fure of 
yon. [ PuSj him by tbt Crtvat. 

Old L. S^utam. Alas poor Man, how fhe tugs him, 
kifs, kifs her, that's the way to make fuch nice Wo- 
men qoier. 

thr. No, Madam, that Remedy is worfe than the 
Torment, they know I dare fuffer any rfiing rather 
than do it. 

Old L. S^ueam. Prithee kifs her, and I'll give you 
her Pii^re in Ihtlc, chat youadmir'd fo Ian Night, 
pnthee do. 

Hor. Well, nothing but that could bribe me, I love 
a 'Woman only in Efiigie, and good Painting, as much 
as 1 hate them— I'll do't, for I cou'd adore the Devil 
well painted [ Kifn Mrs. Squeam. 

Sqieam. Foh, you filthy Toad, nay, now Fve done 
jefting 

Old L. Se[ueam. Ha. ha, ha, I cold you fo. 

SjMtam. Foh, a Kifs of his 

Sr, Jff. Has no more hurt in't, than one of my 
Spaniels. 
S^mtm. Nor no more good neither. 
^. I will now believe any thing be tells me. 

[ Bthind. 

Enttr Air. Pinchwife. 

i#. FtJ. O Lord, here's a Man, Sir Jafptr^ my Mask> 
my Mask, I would not be feen here for the- World. 

Sr. Jaf. What not, when I am with you. 

£«. Fid. No, no my Honour— ^let s be gone. 

StjHiam. Oh Grandmother, let us be gone, make 
balte, make hsfte, I know not how he may cenfure us. 



ao6 the Couitry-ff^ife. • 

L». FiJ. Be found in the Lodging of am tMng like 

a Man^ away. £ Extvnt Sir Jafper^ La. Fid. Old 

La. Squeam. ^/.Squeamilti. 

^. What's here, another Cuckold he looks 

like one, and none elffi fure have any Bufmers with 
bim. . ■ [_ Behind. 

Hot. Well> what brings my dear Friend hidier i 

Mr. Fin. Your Impcrtinency. 

Hor. My Impertineocy — why you Gentlemen that 
have got handJbme Wives, think you have a Privilege 
of faying any thing to your Friends, and are as biBtilo, 
as if you were our Creditors. 

Air.Fin. No, Sir, I il near truft you any way. 

Hot. But why not, dear Jiuk, why diffide in me, 
thou know'ft fo well ? 

Mr- Pin. Becaufe I do know you fo well. 

Her. Han't I been always thy Friend, honeft Jack, 
always ready to ferve thee, in Love, or Battel, before 
thou wert married, and am fo Aill ? 

M". Pin. I believe fo, you wou'd be my SecowJ, 
now indeed. 

Hw. Well then dear Jack, why fo unkind, fo gram, 
fo Arange to me, come prithee kifs me dear Rogue, 
gad I was always I fay, and a^ flill as much thy Ser- 
vant as- " ■ ■ 

Mr. Pin. As I am yours. Sir. What you wou'd fend 
a Kifs to my Wife, is .chat it f 

Hor. So there 'tis— a Man can't fliew his Friend- 
fliip to a married Man, but prefently he. talksofhis 
Wife to you j Prithee let thy Wife alone, and let thee 
and I be all one, as we were wont : what thou art as 
Ihye of my Kindnefs, as a Lumhard-Jlrttt Alderman of 
a Courtier s Civility at Lockets. 

Mr. Fin. Bat you are over kind to nic, as kind, as if 

I were-your Cuckold already, yet I muft confefs you 

onght to be kind and civil to me, fmce I ain fo kind* w 

civil to you, as to bring you this, look you there, Sir- 

r Delivers him a Lttttr- 

Hor. What is't? 

Mr. Pitt. Only a Love-Lctter, Sir* ' 

Her. From 



the Cfiimtry-Wife. ao/ 

^ar. From whom — how« this is from youFlK^ffr— 
Imm — and hum [R««^. 

A£r, Pm. Even froA my Wife, Sir, un I not won- 
drous kind and civil to you, now too ? 
But you'll not think her fo^ i4fi^ 

Her. Ha, Is this a THck of his, or hers? [^jUn 

Adr. Pm. The Gentleman's fnrpriz'd I find^ wha^ 
you expeSed a kinder Letter ? 

Mer. No ^ith, not I, how con'd I ? 

Mr. Pin. Yes, yes, I'm fure yon did ; a Man fo well 
made as yon ate mufi needs be difamointed, if the 
Women declare not their Faffion at fim Sight or Op^ 
poitnnity. 

Hfr. Bat what fbould this mean > ftay, thePofllcrlpk 
Be fare yon lord me, whatfoever my Husband fays 
to the contrary, and let him not fee this, Icfthefiionld 
come home, and pinch me, or kill my S^nirrel. 

It feems he knows not what the Letter contains, {j^, 

Mr. Pin. Come^ ne'er wonder at it fo much. 

Hot. Faith, I can't help it. 

Mr. Pin. Now, I think, I hare deferr'd your infinite 
Friendlhip, and Kindnefs, and have (hewed ttiy felf fdE^ 
fidently an obliging kind Friend and Husband, am InoC 
fo, to bring a Letter horn my Wife to her Gallant i 

Htti Ay, the Devil take me, art thob, the moft otn 
l>giii& kind Friend and Husband in the Vorld> ha. btfj 

Mr. Pin, Well, you may be merry. Sir, but in Inort 
I mnft tell you. Sir, my Honour will fnffer no jeKUngi 

Hot. What do'ft thou mean ? 

M-. Pin. Does th& Letter want a Comment ? llied 
know. Sir, though I have been fo civil a Husband^ 
as to bring yon a Letter from my Vife, to let you 
ki& and court her to my Face, I will not ba a Ow, 
fcold. Sir, I will not. 

Ibr, Thou art mad with Jealoofie, I never' faw thjr 
. Wfe in my life, but at the Play yefterd^, and i 
I know not If it were flie or no, Icbureher^ kifsheri 
I JMr.Pin. I will not be a Cnckold, I fay> there wSi 

te danger ioBukh)^ me a Cuckold* 
' P flif.Vhri 



aoS The CMmtrfm^. 

Hur. Vhv, wert thou not well cnr'd of thy Uft CUp? 

Mr. Tin. I wear a Sword. 

iftr. It flioold be taken from ibfliB, left thoa fttoold'ff 
do thy felf a MilKJiief with it, thou art mad, Mac 

M-. 7in. As mad as I am, and as merry as you arei 

I nwft hare taore Reafon froA yc/a. e'ec we put, I 

jay agaiHi though you kiG'd, and coorted laftNi^ 

my Wife in Mui's Cloatlii, ofr fte confefles in her 

. Letter. 

Hw. Ha iA^ 

Mr. Pfs. Both Sie and t fay, 5-00 mufi nee defign 
it again, iot yon have miftaken y«tr Woman, as yon 
have done your Man. 

Ber. Oh— ^lundeifland fomei^g now— — 

{Aja,. 

Was that thy Wife I Why wonld'f^ thou not tell me 
'twas flie i Faith my^Fi«edom with her was your Fult, 
not mine. 

Mr. Pin. Faith, fo 'twas-*— {A/Ut. 

Her. Fie, I'd never do't to a Woman before ber 
Husband's Face, fure. I 

'. Mr. Pw. Bat I had rather yoa Ihould do't to my | 
Wife before my Face, than behind my Back, and thK 
you ihall never do. 

Hor. No yoa will tuader me. ' 

i^. Pin. If I would not tundcr yoa, yoa fee by 1 
ber Letter ftie won'd. ] 

H>r. Well, I muft e'en acguieJoe ihen, and becoo' | 
tented with what fhe vnitei. 1 

Mr. Pin. I'll affure you 'twas volactarily writ, Ihw j 
no hand ia't you may b^eve me. j 

Her, I do believe thee, ^th. 1 

Mr, Pin. And beiieve ber toe, for flic's an lonoeort j 
Creature, has no ^ifembting in her, and fo fare yoi> 
WFell, Sir. 

Bar. Pray, however, prefent my h&mble Serncc 
to her, and tell ber I wilt obey her Letter 00 a tttilC) 
and fulfill her defires, be what they will, or with 
what difficulty foeveri do't, andyoalhaH bcoomo" 
jealous of me; I waixanc her, andjou p— 
... p^' f '*' 



The Country-Wife. aop 

ifefr. Tht, Well, then fare you well, and play with 
any Iblan's Honour hut mine, ki&any M^n's Wife bat 
.floixie, and welcome [jEwj ^r. Pinch. 

Ar. Ha, hai ha, DoOor. 

.^iiack. It feems he has not heard .the Rbpoit of 
^OD, or does not beliere it i 

Hot. Ha, ha, now Do<%or what think you ? 

^«. Pray let's fee the Letter— bum— for— dear--' 
love you . [ Rtaditht Litter. 

Hot. I wonder how flie cou'd contrive it ! What 
fiiy'il thou to'c, 'tis anOiiginal. 

^». So are your Cuckolds to© Oiginals : for they 
ftre like no other common Cackolds, and I will hence- 
forth believe it not impoffible for you to CtukoM the 
Grand Seigmor amids hfe Guards of Eunuchs, that I 
iay. - — ■ 

H»r. And I fay for the Letter, 'tis die lirft Love- 
Letter that over was without Flames, Daits, Fatei, 
De&inkSy Lying and Diflbmbling in't. 

Ewer Sparidfli pnSiwg in A^.Pinchwife. 

Sfor. Cmio back, yon are ai>retty Brother-in-law, 
neither go to Church, nor to Dinner with your Siftcc 
Bride. 

Mr. Tin. My Sifter denies her Marriage, and yoH 
fee is gone away from ycHi diffatisfy'd. 

^«r. Plfaaw, upon afooHfli Scruple, that our Par- 
fon was not in Uwful Orders, and did not fay alt the 
Common-Prayer, but 'tis her Modefty only 1 believe, 
but let Wccnen be never fo modeft the firft Day, they'll 
be isrc to ooroe to themfeWes hy Night, and 1 Iball 
faffc enoagh of her then j in the mean time, Htfny 
timer y you miift dine with me, I keep my Wedding 
At -lay Aunts in the Piazza. 

Utr. Thy Wedding! What ftale Maid has tiv'd to 
de^ir of a Husband, or what young one of a G^ 
lant? 

: Spmf. O yicitr.Senunc ^r— t-<his Gentkma&'s Si-* 
flcr then — ^No fiale M^d. 

P » Hw.l'm 



1.10 The Ountry-Wtfe. 

Her. I'm forry for't. 
Mr. Fin. How comes he fo concern'd for hei> 

I C^M- 

Sfar. You foi'ry for*t, why do you know any iU 
by her ? 

Hot. No, I know none but by thee, 'tis for her Htke^ 
not yours, and another Man's fkke that might have 
hop'd, I thought^— 

Spar. Another Man, another Man, what ishisName? 

Hot. Nay, fioce 'tis paftbe ihall be namelefs. 
Poor Harcourtj I am fonry thoa-haft mift her-^ \_Afi^i. 

Mr. Tin. He ieemt to be much troubled at the 
Match iJfiJe. 

Spar. Prithee tell me — nay, you fliant go Brother. 

Mr. Pin. I muft of neceffity, but I'll come to yoa 
to Dinner, {^Exit Pinchwifo. 

Spar. ButH«n7, wbathave I a Rival in my Wife al- 
ready ? But withal my Heart, for he ma^ be of nfe 
to me hereafter, for though my Hunger is now my 
Sawce, and I can fall on heanily- without, but the 
time will come, when a Rival will be as good Sawce 
for a married Man to a Wife, as an Orange to Veal. 

Hot. O thou damn'd Rogue, thou haft fet my 
Teeth on edge with thy Orange. 

Spar. Then let's to Dinner, there I was with yoi 
again, come. 

Her. But who dines with thee ? 

Spar. My Friends and Relations, my Bcothei Piacb- 
wifit you fee, of your Acquaintance. 

Hor. And his Wife. 

Spar. No, 'gad, he'll ne'ec let her come amongfi us 
good Fellows, your ftingy Conncry Coxcomb keeps 
his Wife from his Friends, as he does his little Firkia 
of Ale, for his own drinking, and a Gentleman can't 
getalinack on't, but his Servants, when his Back. is 
turn'd, broach it at their Pleafnres, and duft it away, 
ha, ha, ha, 'gad I am witty I thmk, coolidering I w6b 
married to Day, by the World, but come-^— 

Her. No, I will not dine with you, unlefe you can 
fetch her too. 



the Country-Wife. 1 1 1 

. Sf^* PHuw, what Pleafure can'ft thou have with 
Women now, Harry ? 

Ber. My Eyes arc not gone, I love a good ProfpcA 
yet, and will not dine with yon^ unlefs Jlie does too, 
go fetch her therefore, but do not tell her Hosband, 
,cis for my fake. 

Spar. Well, I'll gatry what I can do, in the mean 
time come away to my Aunt's Lodging, 'tis in the 
way to Vmcbwifei. 

Hot. The poor Woman has call'd for aid, and 
fireich'd forth her Hand, Do^r, I cannot but help 
her over the Pate ouc of the Bryars. 

{^Exeunt Spaikifh, Horner, Qtack. 

The Scene cbangei to Pinchwife'j ffoufe. 

Mrt. Finchwife alone leaning en btr Elhiw. | A Tahle, ^ 

'Pen, Ink, anJ Paper. 

Mrs. Pin. Well 'tis e'en fo, I have got the London 
Difeafe, they call Love, I am fick of my Husband, 
and for my Gallant j I have heard this Diflemper, 
' caird a Fever, bnt methinks 'tis liker an Ague, for 
when I think of my Husband, I tremble, and am in 
a cold Sweat, and have Inclinations to vomit, but 
when I think of my Gallant, dear Mr. Hmttr, my hoc 
Fit comes, and I am all in a Fever, indeed, and as 
in other Fevers, my own Chamber is tedious to me, 
and I would fain be remov'd to his, and then methinks 
1 (hon'd be well j ah poor Mr. Homer, well I cannot, 
will not flay here, therefore I'll make an end of my 
Letter to him, which (hall be a liner Letter than my 
laft, becaufe I have ftudled it like any thing; O Sick^ 
Sick I [ Takes the Fen and writeu 

Enter Mr. Pinchwife, who feeing ber writing, fieali fi^lf 

behind her^ and looking over ber Shoulder, fnattbet the P<i^ 

ftrfrom btr. 

Mr. Pin. What, writing more Letters ? 

Mrs. Pin. O Lord, Bud, J Sbe offers to run mt : Bt 
why d'ye fright me fo ? \ fiofi btr, and reads. 

Afr.Pin. How's this ! Nay, yon ihall not ftir, Madam. 
P 3 Dwr, 



2,1 1 TbeCtuHtry Wife, 

Dear, dear, dear Mr. Httnur—'Vcry wdl--IhatetaQghi 

you to write Letters to good purpofc— but let's fee't. 

FirA I am to beg yoar Pardon for my Boldaefs in 
writing to you, which I'd have yon to know I wooM 
not have done, had aot you faid firft you lov'd me fo 
extremely, which if you do, you will never fofier im 
to lie in the Arms of another Man, whom I loatb> 

nanfeate, and detefl: [ Now you can write tbefe 

filthy words] but what follows— — Therefore, I hopt 
you will fpeedily find fome way to free me from this 
unfortunate Match, which was nerer, I afltire yon, 
of my Choice, but I'm afraid 'lisalready too fargone; 
however, if you love me, as I do you, yon will ity 
what you can do, but you mufl help me aw^y before 
to morrow, or elfe alas I Ihall be for ever out of your 
reach, for I can defer no longer our— —onr—— what 
is to follow our— — --fpcak what? Oar Journey 
into [2<&« Letter cenekia. 

the Country I ruppofe— Oh Woman, damn'd Wo- 
man, and Love, damn'd Love, their old Tempter, for 
this IS one of his Miracles, in a Moment hecaomakt 
thofe blind that cou'd fee, and thofe fee that were 
blind, thofe dumb that could fpeak, and thofe prattle 
who were dumb before, nay, what is more than all, 
make thefe dow-bak'd, fenQeO, indocile Animalsj 
Women, too bard for us their Politick Lords and Ru- 
lers in a Moment ; Bat make an end of your Letter, 
and then I'll make an end of you thus, and all my 
Plagues together. [ Draws his Swori. 

A*-j.Pi«..OLord, Q Lord you are fnch a Paf 
fionate Manj Bud. 

Ettitr Sparki/L. 

Sfar. How now, what's here to do ? 

Mr. Pin. This Fool here now ! 

Spar. What, drawn upon your Wife? Yoo (hw^ 
never do that, but at Night in the dark, when y"" 
can't hurt her, this is my Siller-in-law, is it not ? AVj 
faith e'en our Country Margny, \_VuUs aftit hrUtni- 
keroiief^l one qiay knowhw, come fbe and yo%tsfi» 



The CimtrrWiJil - ii} 

go dine with ffle, Dinner's ready, come^ bat Where's 
my Wife, is Ihe not come home yet, where is Jhe ? \ 

Ur. tin. Making you a Cncltold, 'lis that they all 
dOj as foon as they can. 

Sfar. What the Wedding day > No, a Wife that de-; 
liens to malce a Cully of her Husband, will be fure to 
let him win the firft flake of Love, by the World, but 
come they flay Dinner for us, come I'll lead down ont 

Mri. P«». No Kr go, we'll follow you. 

Spur, I wiH not wag without yon. 

«r. Pin. This Coxcomb is a fenfible Torment to me 
amidft the greateft in the World. 

Sf»T. Come, come Madam Margerf, 

Mr. Pi,. No, I'll lead her my way, r j.^,,, j^ ,„ ,.„j„ 
what wou'd you treat your Friends » ^^ j^j, 

with mine, for want of your own ) j^.„^„i,^_ 
Wile? I 

1 am contented my Rage fhou'd take Breath— [4»*. 

Sfae. I told Bomtr this. 

Mr. Tm. Come bow. 

Sptr. Lord, how Ihye you are of your Wife; htt 
let me tell you Brother, we Men of Wit have amongS 
US a Saying, that Cuckolding like the fmall Pox comes 
with a Fear, and you may keep your Wife as niMh ai 
yoa will out of danger of Infedion, but if her Coa- 
BitutioBindine her to't, iWH have it ibonei or later 
by the World, fay they. 
Mr.Vin. What a thing is a Cuckold, that eveiy 

Fool can make him ridiculous [ 4*"- 

Wen Sit But let me adf ife you, now yon ate come 

to be concem'd, becaufe you fufpeft the Dangef, not 
to ileglea the Moans to prevent it, efpedally when 
the greateft flare of the Malady wiU ligte Ujpaa yom 
own Head, for ' 

HowTere the kted Wife's Belly como to fwcH, 
The Husband breeds for her, »nd fim is lU; 

J. 4 ACT, 



»I4 ^' CtimtnWfe. 

ACT V. SCENE I. 

Mr. PinchwifcV Houfe. 

Baer Mr. Pinchwife mi Jt/r/.PinchWife. 

ATahU mUCmtiU. 

^.Pm-^^Ome, take the Pen and makeaneodot 

V^ the Letter, jufl as you intended j if you 

are falfe in a tittle^ I {hall foon perceive it, and pun* 

Uh you with this as you deferve, [ Laji bis Hmd m hii 

SworJ,"] write what was to fotlowi let's fee— —t 

[You tnuft make hafie and help, me away before to 
moFTOw, or elfe 1 ihall be for ever ont of yout leach, 
for I can defer no longer our-— ^] What follow 
our?- — 

Aft-/. Tm. Muft all out then iAirs. Pinch, taiu tbc 
Bad?— Look you there then. I Pe» and writes. 

Afr. Pi«. Let's fee — [For X can defer no longer 
our^Wedding — Your flighted AUtiea^ Whaf's the 
aieaiiing of thu, my SHler's Name (o't, fpe^k, vn^ 
riddle ? 

Mrs. Tin. Yes indeed. Bud. 

A^.Pw. But why her Name to'c, fpeak'-^— fpeak, 
Ifiy? 

A/m. Pm. Ay, but youll tell her then again, if you 
^n'd not tell her again. 

Mr. Vim. I mil not, I am flunn'd, my Head tnnu 
ropn^, fpeak. 
' MM,TiH. Won't you tell her indeed, and indeed. 

Mr. Fin. No, fpeak, I fay. 

Mrs. Pin. She'll be angry with me, hot I had rather 
file fiioutd he angry with ipe, than you Bud } and to 
tell yon the truth, 'twas flie made me write the Let- 
ter, and taught nie what I Ihonld write. 

Afr- Pm. Hft' — [I thought the Stile was fotnewhat 
better thaA her oyn,] (AfiJe.) ^ou'd Ihe copieto 
vou to teach you, lince Z had lock'd you up alone ? 

^t. Pith O ^oufih (he Key-hole, ^^i. 

I 



The Ctuntry-^fel iij 

Mr.Fin. But why ftiou'd ihe makp yon write a Letj 
ter for hei to him, fince ihe can write her felf ? 

Afrj. Tim Why Ibe Had becanfe for 1 was ita^^ 

wiUing to do it. 

Mr,Vin- Becanfe what— becaufe 

Airi. Tin- Becaufe lefi Mr. Uornar (hould be crueT, 
and refnfe her, or vain afcerwyds, and fhew the Letr 
ter, ihe might difown it, the Haad not being hers. 

Afr.pM. How's this? ha then I think I fliall 

come CO my felf again— —This Changeling cou'd noc 
Invent chb Lye, bat if ihe cou'd, why fliou'd ihe? 

She nrighc thiak I flionld foon difcover it Aay 

now I uifaik on't too. Hmur faid he was forry ihe had 
punicd Sfitrh^f and her difowning her Marriage to 
nie, nislces me tlUnk the has evaded it, for Homer ji 
fake, yet why Ihqiild ihe take this Courfe ? But Men 
in Love are Fools, Women may_ well be fo— XAJide. 
Bat hark you, Madam, your Sifter went out In the 
Morning, and I have not ieenher within fmce. 

Mrf. Ttm. Alacji a day, ihe has been crying all Day 
above it feems in a Corner. 

Mu Pin. Where is ihe, let me fpeak with her. 

Atri. Pin. O Lord, then flie'U difcover all— IjISJe: 
pray hold Bod, what d'ye mean to difcover me, ibeli 
know I have told you then, pray Bud let me talk 
with her firft 

M"- ff»' I mufi fpeak with her^ to know, whether 
H/rnir ever made her ^y Promife ,* and whether Ihe 
be married to Sparkift) or no. 

Mts. Tin. Pray, dear Bud don'tj 'till I have fpoken 
with her, and told het that I have told you all, for 
(hell kill me elfc. 

Mr. Pin. Go then, and bid her come out to me. 

^rt. Pin. Yes, yes Bud-— u- 

Mr. Pin. Let me fee 

Mrt. Tin. I'll go, but Ifae is not within to conie to 
him, I have juit got time to know of Lw^ her Maid, 
who firft fet me on work, what Lye I ihall tell next, 
for I am e'en at my Wits end— lExit Mrf. Piqchwife. 

Mr. Pill. Well, 



%i6 The CouHtryWifi. 

' Mr. Tii'. Well, I refolre it, Homtr fhalt luTe ti^ 
I'd rather give him my Sifter, than lend him my Wife, 
and (bch an Alliance will prevent his PretenHoDS to 

my Wife fure, I'll make him of kin to her, and 

then he won't care for her. [ Afrf.Pinchwife rttmu, 

Mrs. Pin. O Lord, Bud, I totd yoo what anger yoi 
wonld make me with my Sifter. 

Mr. Pin. Won't fho come hither ? 

Mrt.Pin. No, no, 9lack-a-clay, fhe'salham'd tolook 
you in the Face, and {he fays, if you go in to her, 
fliell mn away down Stairs, and-ftamefuHy go her 
iclf to Mr. Hormr^ who has promis'd her Marriage llic 
fays, and fhe will have no other, fo fhe won't 

Mr. Tin, Did he fg promifc her Marriage— 

then fhe fhall have no pther, go tell her fo, and if flu 
will come and difconffe with me a Htcte concemiog 

the means, I will about it immediately, go ■ 

[FKtf JWn.Pinchwife. 
.His Eftate is equal to S^riifh\ and his Extraaioo as 
tainch better than Tiis, as his Pans are, bat my chief 
Reafon i^ I'd jathcr be of kin to hira by the Name 

of Brother- in-law, than that of Cuckold '— 

-Wen what fays fte now ? 

Mrs. Pin. Why (he' fays fhe would only have you 

lead her to Hbr»er's Lodging with whom fhe fi™ 

will difcourfe the Matter before fhe talks with you, 
.which yet Ihe cannot do; for alack poor Crea- 
ture, fhe fays fhe can't fo much as look you in the 
Face,^ therefore fhe'll come to you in a Mask, and 
you mult excufe her if fhe make you no anfwei to 
any Queftion of yours, 'till you have brought her to 
Mr. Hama, and if you will not chide her, nor que- 
ftion her, fhe'U come put to you immediately. 

Mr. Pin. Let her come j 1 will not fpeak a word to 
. her, nor require a word from her. 

Mrs. Pin. Oh, I forgot, befides fhe fays, fhe cannot 
look yoo in the Face, tho' through a Mask, therefore 
wou'd defire you to put oat the Candle. 

Mr. Pin. I agree to all, let her KExit A^s.Pinchm«- 
mkft baft^-^eie 'ti^ ouc-^My i p»ti out tbt C<«^ 



The CMtntrf'^tfe, Jx^ 

Cafe is femddiiog better, Vd athw 6^ vith Hiriier; 
for not lyiirg with my Stftec, than for lying wiih my- 
Wife, and of the two, I had rather find my Sifted too 
forward, than my Wife ; I expeaed no other from 
her free Edacation, asfliecalbit, and her PaOioQ for 
the Town— well — Wife and Sifter are Names which 
nuke m expedLove and Doty, Pleainre and Comfort 
bnc we find 'em Flagies and Torments, and are equal^ 
ly, tho' diileremly troufakfome to their Keeper • for 
we have as much ado to gee People to lye with' out 
^ften, as to keep 'em from lying with oar Vivest 
Enttr Mrs. Pinchwife Masked, and in Haeds and Starvtt^- 

and a Nigbt-gown and Petticoai cf Alicheas, in the datk. 
What are tob come Sifter? Lee as go then — -hue Grft 
lecmelockTipmy Wife. Mn,JU«7;g«7,whereareyon? 
J^LVm. Here Bud. 

Mr. Pin. Come hkher, that I may bck iUtls th 
younp^getyoain. Come SiAerj where are 2 Z>m* 
yoaaow? 

[ M's. Pidch. ghrt Bim btr UaaJ, hia wbm i» Ufi 
bergOf (hefieal fifth en t'othar JUe efhim, amtik 
lead away hy bimfir bit Sifitr Alithea.] 

The Sent changes to Homer / Lodging. 

Quack, Homer. 

^. What all alone, not fo much as one of youc 
Cuckolds herej noe one of their WItas! Thoy oft tp<^ 
take their turns with yov, at if they were to wsuoh yott. 

Her. Yes it often happens, that a Cnckold is but his 
Wife's S[ne, and is more upon Family Duty, when he 
if with her Gallant abroad hindringhis^PIeafore, thao 
when he is at homo with her plying the Gallaiw, Sat 
the herdeft Duty a married Woman impofts uptjn a 
Lover, is keeping her Hcsband company always 

^. And his Fondnels weaiies you almoftr as ftfOA 
as hers. 

Her. A Pox, keeping a Cuckold company after yon 
bavD bad his Wife, ii as tiicfome at the Compuiy of 

»Gosft- 



tig The CnMtiy-f^fe: 

a Ccndtrir Squire to a witty Fellow of the Tom} 

when he has got all hk Money. 

^ And as ac firft a Man makes a Friend of the 
Husbuid to get the Wife, fo at laft you are fain to M 
out with the Wife to be rid of the Hosband. 

Hor. Ay, moft Cuckold'tnakers are true Conitiei^ 
when once a poor Man has crack'd his Credit for 'eiiii 
they can't abide to come near him. 

^. But at firft to draw him in are fo fweet, fo kind, 
fo dear, juft as yea are to Ptacbwiftf but what becomei 
of that Intrigue with his Wife ? 

Her. A Pox, he's as furly a^an Alderman that has 
been bit, and Unce he's fo coy, his Wife's Kindnefsis 
in Tain, for /he's a filly Innocent. 

j^. Did flie not fend you a Letter by him ? 

Her. Yes, but that's a Riddle I hare not yet folv'd— 
allow the poor Creature to be willing, ilie is fitly too, 
and he keeps her up fo clofe 

^. Yesj fo dole that he makes her bat the more 
willing, and adds but Revenge to her Lore, wliicti 
two when met feldom fail of fatisfytng eai^ other 
^one way or other. 

|£rr. What here's the Man we are talking of I think. 

■ Eater Mr. Pinchwlfe Itaditig in hit Wift masked^, mi^, 

and in her Sijter't Go^vn. 

, Hor. PJhaw. 

. ^. Bringing his Wife to yoa is the next tbiug to 

>rin^ng a Love-Letter from her. 

^: What means this ? 

A^. Vin, The lalt time you know. Sir, I brou^ 
yoR a Love-Letter, now yon fee a Miftrefs, I think 
you'll, fay I am a civil Man to you. 
i. Her. Ay, the Devil take me will I fay thou art rfw 
cirilleft Man I ever met with, and I have, fcnowa 
jlbinxe j I fancy, I un^rftand thee now, better than I 
did the Letter, but hark thee in thy Ear— — 
. Air- Pi"' What ? 

■ Her. Nothing but the ufual qaeftion M«Oj » »* 
fowd Oft thy Word? c^ 3*.?!*' 



The CmttrrWije. iiy 

lif^. Tin, Vhat yon take het for a Vencli, aiid me 
fiff a Pimp ? 

H0r. Plhaw, Wench a&d Pimp, paw wonb, I know 
thou art an honeft Fellow, and haft a great Acqaain-* 
tance among the Ladies, and perhaps, haft made Love 
for Ae, rather than let me nu^e Love to thy Wife— 

J^. Pia. Come, Sir, in fliorc, I am for no footing. 

Hot. Nor I nuther, therefore, prithee let's fee her 
Fat;e prefently, make her fhoW Man, art thou fare 
I don t know her ? 

A^. Pin. I am fure yon do Icnow her. 

Hifr. A Pox, why dofl thou bring her to me then i 

Mr. Php. Becaufe fhe's a Relation of mine. 

Hot. Is ihe faith Man, then thou art ftill more dfil 
and obliging, dear Rogue. 

A^. pin. Who defir'd me to bring her to yon. 

£for. Then fiie is obliging, dear Rogue. 

Adr. Pin. You'll make her welcome for my fake I 
hope. 

Hot. I hope 0ie is handfome enough to make her 
felf welcome ; prithee lee her unmask. 

Mr. Pin. Do yon fpeak to her, fhe won'd never be 
rul d by be. 

Hot. Madam [ Mrs. Pinch, v/bifftrpto Hor. 

She fays Oie muft fpeak with me in private, withdraw 
prithee. 

Mr. Pin. She's unwilling it feems I fliou'd know all 
her undecent Condui!^ in this Bufinefs— — {^JfiJi. 
Well then I'll leave you together, and hope when I 
am gone yon'U agree, if not you and I Ihan't agree, 

f£ir. What means the Fool > if ihe and I agree 

'tis no matter what you and I da 

[ Whiff ers to Mrs. Pin. wbo mahs Sigtlt 

with biT Hand for ium to kt gamt, ' 

Mr. Pin. In the mean time I'll fetch a Parfon, and 

find out Sfarkijbj and difabufe him. 

Yon won d have me fetch a Parfon, would yon not, 

well then— —Now I think I am rid of her, and ifaall 

have no mote tzoable with her^^^^Otir Stfteriand 

Daughter* 



no TbeCoHHtry-Wtfe. 

Danglers like Uferecs Money, ve fiifeA, whefl pat 
out j boc oar Wives, like their Writings, nererfsfej bat 
teonr Clofets under lj>d[ and Key. {EmtAir^^'m, 

Emer Boy. 

B^. Sir jf</f n- iWf ef) Sir, is coming up. 

Htr. Here's die trouble of a Cuckold^ now we are 
talking of, a Pox on him, has he not enongh to do 
to binder his Wife's fport, but he muft other Women's 
too.— —Step in here. Madam. [Exit Mrs. Pio. 

Ewttr Sir Jifyer. 

Sr. Jaf. My befl and deareft Friend. 

Hirr.. The oldStiic, DoiSor 

Well be fliort, for I am bnfie, what would your im* 
pNtinent Wife have now ? 

Sr. Jaf. Well guefs'd y' faith, for I do come from ho, 

Htr. ToinvitemetDSapper,teUberIcan'tcome,go. 

Sr.Jaf. Nay, now you are-ouc, &itb, for my IJdy 
and tbe whole Knqt of the virtuoas Gang, as ^ 
call themfelres, are refolv'd upon a Frolick of coming 
to yon to Night in Mafqaeradej and are all dien 
wbtady. 

Her. I Ihan't be at home. 

5r. J^. Lord, how charlifii he is to Women — ; 
Jiay, pray thee don't difappatnc 'em, they'll thinJc 'id 
my Fanlc, pi'ythee don't, ill fend in the Banquet and 
Aa Fiddks, ^t make no Noife on't, fiar the poor fi^ 
tuous Rogues would not have it known for tbe WocU, 
dm tkey go a Masquerading, and they would come 
to no Man's Bail, but yours. 

. Bar. Well, wetl-^— get yon gone, and tell 'em il 
they come, 'twill be at the Peril of their Honour and 
lyouts. 

Sr. Jaf. Heh, he, be well tmft you fia- tte, 

.fimweU [fi* 5«r Jarfpet' 

Her. Dodoranon yon too fliiU beny Gae& 
Bdc now rmgeiog to a primventi 



7** Viimtrj-Wtje, a»» 

Tht Scene changes t$ the Piazza ef Covcnc-GsrdeQ. ' 

Sparkiih, Pinchwife. 

Sptr. But who would have t Spar, whb the Lei^ 
thonghc a Woman could have l ttr in b'n Hand. 
been fialfe to mcj by the World, I could not hare 
thonght it. 

Air. Tin. Yon were for giving and taking Liberty, 
flie has taken it only Sir, now you find in that Letter, 
you are a frank Perfon, and fo is Aie you fee there. 
Sfar. Nay, if this be her Hand— for I never fawit. . 
Mr. Tin. Tis no matter whether that be her Hand 
or nOj I am fure this Hand at her defire led her to 
Mr. Herarr, with whom I left her juft now, to go 
fetch a Parfon to 'em at their defire too, to deprive 
yea of her for ever, for it feems yours was but a 
Mock-marriage. 

S^ar. Indeed, fte" won'd needs have it that 'twas 
Harcourt himfelf in a Parfon's Habit, that married us, 
but I'm fute he told me 'twas his Brother Nid. 

Mr. Tin. O, there 'tis out, and you were deceiv'd 
not fte, for yon are fach a franjt Perfon— but I muft 
be gone— youll find her at Mr. Horner\ go and be- 
Keve your Eyes. [ Exit A&.Fin. 

Sfar. Nay I'll to her, and call her as many Croco- 
diles, SirenSjHarpies, and other heathenifh Names,asa. 
Poet would do a Miftrefs, who had refus'd to hear hb 
Suit, hay more his Verfes on her. 
But ftay, is not that fl»e following a Torch at t'other 
end of the Piasma, and from Hermr's certainly—— 
'risfo . 

Enter AMihckfoSowing a Toreh^ and Lacy iebind. ; . 

You are well met. Madam, though you don't thislt 
fo J what you tuve nude a &ojc ViTk to Mr. Hamtr, 
but, I fuppofe, youH return to him prefeotly, by thai 
Ume the Pacfon cao bo with him 
Jiitb. Mr. Htrntr, and the Parfon, Sir' 

Sfir. Come, 



lit the CouHtryWifi. 

Sfttr, ComCj Madam, no more diitembting, no 
more jUdng, for I am no more a frank Ferfon. 

Alitb. How's this. 

Luey, Sp, 'twill work X fee ^ t'^fiit. 

^far. Ccu'd you find out no eafie Country Fool to 
abafe ? None but me, a Gentleman of Wit and Plea- 
fare about the Town, but it was your pride to be to6 
hard for a Man of Parts, unworthy faUe Womaflj &lfe 
as a Friend that lends a Man Money to lofe, falfe as 
Dice, who undo thofe that truft all they have to 'em. 

Lucy. He has been a great Babble by his Similies 
as they fay—— [ A^, 

Alitb. You have been too merry, Sir, at your Wed* 
ding Dinner fure. 

Sfar. What d'ye mock me too ? 

'AUtb. Or you have been deluded. 

Sfar. By you. 

Alitb. Let me underftand you. 

Sfar. Have you the Confidence, I fhould call it 
fomething elfe, fince you know your guile, (o Itand 
my juft Reproaches ? You did not write an impudent 
Letter to Mr. Homer ^ who I find now has clnb'd with 
you in deluding me with his Averfion for Women, that 
I might not forfooth fufped: him for my Rival. 

Ltuy. D'ye think the Gentleman can 'be Jealous 
now. Madam — [^AfiJe. 

Aliti. I write a Letter to Mr. Homtr ! 
■ Spar. Nay, Madam, do not deny it, your Brother 
fliew'd it me juft now, and told me likewife be left 
you at Homer's Lodging to fetch a Parfon, to niariy 
you to him, and I wifn ^ou joyj Madam, joy, jciy> 
and to him too, much joy, and to my felf nlore joy 
for not marrying you. 

AlUb- So I nnd my Brother would break off the 
Match, and I can confent to't, fmce I fee this Gen- 
tleman can be made jealous. £ A_^^ 
O Lmcy, by his rude Ufage and Jealoufie, he makes 
me almoft afraid I am married to him, art thou 
lore 'twas Httreourt himfelf, and no Parfon that mar- 
ried ui. 
■ ' Sfor, No, 



The CoimtryWife. xi; 

Sf^- No> Madanij I thank you, I fuppofe, that 
was a Contrivance coo of Mr. Horner's and yours, to 
make Harcourt play the Parfon, but I would as Uctle as 
yoa h^ve hisi one now, no not for the WoeM ; for 
iballl tell yoji another Truth, IneverbadaayPaffion 
for you, 'till now, for how X hate you j 'tis true, I 
nugfat have foarrieid yonr Portion, as othe^ Men of 
Parts of the Town do Ibmetimes, and fo your Su- 
^^Bt, and:toihew my iui<»)ncernedoe&, i'U come to 

ro^r Weddine, and refign you with as moch -joy, as 
would a flaie Wench to a new Cully, nay, with as 
jnodi joy at I would after the firfl: Night, if I hid 
been married to you, there's for you, and fo your 
Senvanc, Servant. [Exit Spar. 

Aiitb. How was I deceiv'd ih a Man ! 

Jjicj. You'll believe then a Fool may be made jaa> 
Jons nctw ? for that Ealinefs in him that fufiers him to 
be led by a Wife, will Ukewife permit him to be pei- 
fwaded againft her by others. 

Aittb. Bnt marry Mr. Hmw, my Brother does not 
.intouiic fure; if I thought he did, I would take 
.thy Advice, and Mr. Haxfimrt for my Husband j and 
nam I.wifh, that if there be any over-wife Woman 
of the Town, who like me would marry a Fool, for 
Fortane, Liberty, or "Title j firft, that her Husband 
may , love Pky, and beaCuUyto all the Town, but 
iwr, jaadifiiff«.none Ixit Fortune to be MiAreG of his 
Pnrfe j then if for Liberty, that he may fend her in- 
to the Country, under'die'Coodu& of fomehoufe- 
wifely Mothcr-in-Iaw j and if for Title, fnay tho 
Worldi^ve-'iMn none but^thatof Quckold. 

Lmy. And for her greater Guife, Madam, may he 
not defentfrit. 

•Abth. Away impertinent— ^-^is not this my old La- 
dy Lmitfiiu t 

Lucy. Yes, Madam. [And here I hope we ihall 

find Mr. Hamm ; [ Jfule, 

{_ExtHnt AIL Lucy. 



114 The Country Wife. 

The Scene changes again to Horner'j Lodging. 

Horner, Lady Fidget, Mn, Dainty Fidget, Mrs. 
Squeamiib, a TakU, Ba»<^Htt, aaj Bottles. 

Hot. a Pox, they are come too foon before I 

- have fent back my new Miftrefs, all I hare 

now CO do, is to lock her in, that they may not fee 
her — . — lAfidt, 

L». fU. That we may be fure of our welcome, we 
: have brought our Entertainment with us, and arer^ 
folv'd to treat thee, dear Toad. 

Dmh. And that we may be merry to parpofe, have 
left Sir J''ffir and my old Lady S^iiieamijh quarrelling 
at home at Baggammon. 

■S^uedm. Therefore let us make nfe of onr time, 
left they Qio\x\d chance to interrupt as. 

La. Fid. Let us fit then. 

Hot. Firft, that you may be private, let me lock 
this Door, and that, and I'll wait upon you prefendy. 

La. Fid. No, Sir, Ihut 'em only and your lips for 
ever, for we muft truft you as much as our Women. 

Hor. You know ail Vanity's kill'd inmft, 1 have do 
occafion for talking. 

La. BJ. Now, Indies, fuppofing we had drank each 
of us our two Bottles, let us fpeak the Tru& of our 
' Hearts. 

Dain. anAS^iuam. Agreed. 

La. Ffd. By this Brimmer, for Truth is no wbeie 
elfe to be found, [ Not in thy Heart falfe Man. 

r ^/«i' tt Hor. 

Hor. You have found me a true Man I'm. fure. 

l-jifiJe to Laij Fid. 

La. Fid. Not every way [ Afide to Hor. 

But let us fit and be mcrty. , 

D3Nz^:;,.C.OO<iIc 



TU Cwntry-Wife. 
LaJy Fidget ftnis. 



Wiyf ^ottU 6ifr damnd Txrantt eilige us to live ■ 
6b ibt Pittanct of PUafure which the} onlj givt f 

ffn mufi mt reioyce^ 

With Wint and with Nmfe. 
In vain we mufi vie in a JuB Bfd alette^ 
fpiiljfto OHT warm Rival the Bottle^ thtfre ffmei 

Then lay ajUe tharmSf. ' 

And take uf ibtft ^hmi. * * The Glafleit. 

■ *^t Wini enlj givti 'em their Courage andfPit, 
Becaufe we live febtr to Men we fuhmi. 

^ for Beautieijoudfaff, 

Take a lick of the btafi., 
*Twill mend jeur CotBfleBiont^ ^pid when they are gone f 
the befi Red we have is_ the Red if the ^rafe. 

Then Sifiers lajt «f,. 

jM iarnn a good Sha^.' 

, Pain, pear Brimmer, well.in Token of ou|: Op^- 
iie& and Plam-dealug^ let ns throw our Maslc's over 
onr Heads. , , „ , - , 

Hor. So 'twill come to ttie Glalles anon. 

Squeam. Lorely Bntnmer,^ let ^e enjoy him firft. 
, La. FtB. No, I never part with s Gallant, 'till I'v^ 
try'd him, Pear Brimmer tlia't maKeft oiir Hutbabdi 
(hort-iighted. , . . , 

pain. And our bafhJFul Gallants bold.' . , , 
. Sfutam. Am^ for v^int of a Gallant, the Bdtler lord- 
ly in our Eyes, d^nkEiihuch. . , 

fui. Ftd. Drink tbbii Kepre^nta'tlre of a Husband, 
damn a Husband. . , , , 

Pdht, And as it were a lliubanclj an old Kleeper. 



a*« the Oimtri-Wife. 

S^uesm. And an old Grandmother. 

Hot. Aad an EtigUfli Bawd^ and a Frauh Surgeon.' 

La. Fid. Ay, We have all Reafon to cnrfe 'em. 

Hor. For my fake Ladies. 

La. FiJ. Noj for our oWD, for the fiift fpoils alt 
young Gallants Indoftry. 

Dain. And the other's Ait nukes *em hsAi only 
with common Women. 

S^Ktam. And rather ran the Hazard of the vile Di- 
fiemper amongft them, than of- a t>enia1 amongft us. 

Dain. The hichy Toads chufe MiflreAes now, as 
they do Scuffs, for ha?ing been fancy'd and worn by 
othen. 

Sjueam. For being common and cheap. 

La.FtJ. Whilll Women of Qoaliiy, like the richefi 
SttiSsj lie nntnmbledj and unask'd for. 

Hot. Ay, neat, and cheap, and hew, often they 
think beft. _, 

DaUi. No, Sir, the Beafb ^nll be icnown by a Mi- 
ilrefs longer than by a Suit. 

Squedm. And 'tis not for Gheapnefs neither. 

La. Ftd. 'So, 'for the vain Fops will take Dp Drag- 
gets, and embroider 'em : botlwonder at tbedepra- , 
ved Appetites of witty Men, they ufe to be out of 
the common Road, and hate Imitation ; pray tell me i 
Beaft, Whenyou were'a Man, why'you rathercbofe 
to'cIiibwUh aMiiltltUdein -a -common Houfe, foran , 
Entertainment, than to be the only Gucft at a good 
Table. , ." ■ 

Bw. Why, felfh, Ceretnony and Expciaation are 
uhfijfferaWe'fQ tli6fb that dfft Ihirp tetlt. People al- 
Vays ddt With 'fhe' beft Stolflffach at 'Sh Ordinary, 
where every Man is fnatching for the beft Bit. 
. La. Fid. Though hegetaCT!:oT6r'(he*FiMgers-*— 
bljt I haYe hfeard 'Pfeopie eat moft bfiartily ofztiiHat 
M?n's,^eat,. that, is, what they iSonOt pdy'fbr. 

Titr. iVhdn 'they are "fure of their Weicortie and 
Freedom, for Ceiemony in Love And Easing, is n 
ridiciiToiis as'ib tightin^, felUftg On ■ briskly "&»« 
fiipuld be done in thofe Occafions. 

La.FilVt\\f 



Tbe Oimtry-Wtfe: %xj 

IaFU. Well, then lee me tell you. Sir, there is 
no where more Freedom than in our Houfes, and 
«e take Freedom from a young PeHon as a Sign of 
good Breeding, and a Perfon may be as free as he 
pleafes with us, as frolick, as gamefbme, as wild at 
he will. 

Hor. Han'c I heacd you all decl^m aeainft wild 
Men. ■ 

La. Fid. Yes, but for all that, we think VUdnefs ii^ 
a Man, as defirable a Quality, as in. a.£)nck, ot Rab- 
bet ; a tame M^t^. foh. 

itor. I know not, b^t your RepntaUons frigbtoedr 
me, as much as your Faces inrited me. 

L0. Ftd» Que Repatatioo, Lord ! W^ ftiould yon 
not think, tha( we W^omen make ufe oi our 'ftquua> 
ttoa, 8f you Me« of ^ours, oqly to deceive the 
World with kfs S^fpii^iwi ; our Virtue is like tha 
Staie-man's Reli^on, the Quaker's Word, the Game- 
fter's Oath, and thp G^eat Man's Honour, but to cheac 
thofe that truft us. 

Stfueam Ancl th«c Dennrenefs, C<^»fi, and Mo-' 
defty, that you fee in oux F^ces in the Boxes at 
Plays, is a,s much n Sign of a kind Woman, as a Vi- 
zard-iqask in thfi PU. 

D4^ For I afTut^y.oUg Women are leaft nwk'd, 
whQn thy have the Velvet Vizard on. 

Ls. Bd, You wou'd ha;Te found us modeft Womea 
i« ovr pQotals only. 

Sv*tMn. Ow Gafhfulnsfs is only the Reflexion of 
the Men's. 
. V^in, We blnfh, when they are fliame-fec'd. 

ifor. I beg your Pardon I.adies, I was deceiv'd in 
yon deviliihly j but why, that mighty Pretence to 
HOQ^nr i 

La. Fid. Ve hare told you ; but fbmetimes 'twas 
for the faige c^^ you Men pretend Bufinefs o&co, 
to avoid ill Company,' to enjoy the bettor, and moi^ 
prtTatcly tboftyau lore, 



15,8 The Country Wife. 

Hot. But why, wbu'd Jou ne'br give a FrieniJ a 
Wink then ? . . - . 

La.Fid. Faith, your Reputation frigbtnecl us as 
much, - as ottrs did you, you were fo notorioafly 
lewd. 

Hor. And you fo feemingly honeft. 

£4. Fid. Was that all that deterr'if yoa ? 

H(^. And fo expenfive-^— — you allow Frtcdpra 
you fiy. ■ ' ■ ' 

.La.Ftd. Ay, ay. 

Her. That I was afraid of lofing ray Htcle Money, as 
wettas tny little dnfe, both which ^y cfther Pleafures 
required. 

La.'FU. Money, fob you talk like a little Fel- 
low iww, do fuch as rfeexped Money ? ' ' 
-Hof.'I beg ybur^Pardon, Madam, I muft confcfs, 
ihave heard that gr^c Ladies, like great Merchants, 
fet but the higher Prizes updn what they have, be* 
caufe they are not in neceffity of taking the ficft 
Offer. 

Dii'm. Such as we make fale of our Hearts ? 
. S<futam, We brib'd for otlrLove ? Fob, 
• Hor. With your pardon. Ladies, I know, like great 
Men in Offices, you feem to exa<a Flattery and At- 
tendance only from your Followers ; but yoH have 
Receivers about you, and fuch Fees to pay, a Mart 
is afraid to pafs your Grants j befides we muft let you 
win at Cards, or we lofe your Hearts ^ and if yoB 
make an Affignatiori, 'tis at a Goldfmiihs, Jewellers, 
or China- houfe, where for your Honour, ybu depo- 
iite to him, he muft pawn his, to the punanal Citt, 
and fo paying for what you take up, pays for what he 
takes up. ■ ... 

Dain. Wou'd you not have us affiir'd of our Gal- 
lants Lore ? 

S^ueam- For Love is better known by Liberality, 
than by Jealonlie. 

La. Fid. For one may be diffembled, the other 
not— —but my Jealoufie can be no longer diffembled, 
andthey are telling ripe. ^ , - [4^* 

ComB 



The CountrfWife. , ii^ 

Come here's to our Gallants in waitiag, whom we 
mnfl name, and rUbegia^ this is niy falfe Rogue. 

[ Clafs him en the Back, 

S^ueam. How! 

Hor. So all will out now 

S^ueam. Did you not tell me, 'twas for my fake 
only, yoa reported your felf no Man ? 

[ y^JiJe to Horner. 

Dam. Oh Wretch I Did you not fwear to me, 'twas 
for my Love, and Honour, yon pafs'd for that thing 
you do ? I Afidt to Horner. 

Her. So, fo. 

La. Ftd. Come, fpeakj . Ladies, this is my falfe . 
VUlaia. 

S^utam. And mine too. 

Vain. And mine. 

Hiv. Well then, you are all three thy ^Ife Rogues 
too, and there's an end on't. 

La. Fid. Well then, there's no Remedy, Sifter fha- 
rers, let us not fall out, but have a care of our Hch 
nour ; though we get no Prefents, no Jewels of him, 
we are favers of our Honour, the Jewel of moft va- 
lue and ufe, which fhines yet to the World unfufpe- 
ded, though it be counterfeit. 

Her. Nay, and is e'en as good as if it were true, 
provided the World think fo ; for Honour, like Beau- 
ty now, only depends on the Opinion of others. 

La. Fid. Well Harry Common, I hope you can be 
true to three, fwear, but 'tii to no purpofe, to re- 
quire your Oath ; for you are as often forfworn, as 
you fwear to new Women. 

Hor. Come, faith. Madam, let us e'en pardon 
one another, for all the difference I find t>etwi:tc 
we Men, and yon Women, we forfwear our felves 
at the beginning of an Amour, you, as long as ie 
Ijtfli. 



Q 4 Evfir 

D,l,z.:;,. Google 



130 the Contry-Wf/f. 

Strtfl* ^frjafper Fidget, «9i0/i L«^ Squeafniib. 

Sr. Jaf. Oh, my Lady FiJget, was thii your otm< 
ning, to come to Mr. Hdmer without me s Bqt yon 
hare been no where elfe, I ho^. 

La. Fid. No, iirjafftr. 

Old L. Squeam. And you came flraight hither Biddy. 

S^ueam. Yes, indeed, Lanfy Grandmother. 

Sr. Jaf 'Tk well, 'tis well, I knew when onee 
they were thrpughly acquainted with poor H<irn«r, 
they'd ne'er be from him i you may let, her thafgae- 
rade it with my Wife, and fiimert and I warrant hei 
Reputation iafe. 

Enter Boy. 

Boy. p, Sir, here's the Gentleman coiiie, whom 
you bid me not fuffer to come up, withooc giving 
yoii notice, with a Lady too, and other Qende^ 
iBen- - " '■• ■■ 

-■flbf.Doyon.all go in there, whii'fl I fend'en*' 
way, and Boy do yon defire 'em to flay beloM 'till! 
comCy wtuch Siatl be immediately. 

[ Exeum Sir Jafper, La. SquertD. iA 

' fi^et^Mrt. Dainty Sqileamilb. 

£•7. Yes, Sir. {.Exit. 

- [ Exit Homer at t'etbtr Dosry and 

returm with Mrs. Pincbwlfe- 

Hsri You won 'd. not take my AdviCe to begone 

home, bbfore your Husband eamc bad, he'll bow 

difCover all, yet pray my Daareft be p«ifwtded to go 

home, artd leave the reft to my Managenient, I'll let 

you down the back way. 

Mn. fitts I don't know the nay home,.ro I doh't. 
* Hot. piy Man ftall waie ojson you. 

Mrs. Pitt, No, don't you believe, that I'll goat aW; 
what are you weary of me already f 

Hot. No, my Life, 'tis that I may love you long, 
'tis t6 fecure my Love, and your Reputation with yout 
Husband, he'll never receive you again elfe. 

Mrs. Pi'* 



The Cwittry-fr^. x\t 

'Mrs. Tin. What care I, d'ye diink to iri^iteQ me 
vith that S I don't intend to go to hkn agiin ; you 
ihail be my Husband now. 

Hot. 1 cannot be yoarHasbaod, Dcareft, fioceyon 
are married to him. 

Mrt. Tin. O wou'd you taak^ me believe that—-' 
doa'c I &9 every Day at LomJm here, Womea leave 
their firft Hosbands, and go, and Uve with other Men 
as their Wives, pilhj pfitaWj you'd mafce lac angiyj 
but that I love you fo nsunly. 

Hi>r. SOj they afe coming up— —Is again, in, I 
hear 'efti : [ Exit Mrs. Pinchwife. 

Welt a fitly Miftref^ i& tike a weak place, f«on got, 
fooA loft, a Man has fcarce time v>x Flwi^or ,- ftt<^ 
betrays her Husl^nd firfl t&her Gallaat, a^ then hu 
jGaUfl&t 10 her HuEbaod. 

£8iir Pihchwife, AUcbca, Ibreooft, SinikHb^ 
Lvcyt.snJ sParfin. 

Afr.PJM. Come, Madara, 'its not the fudden Change- 
of yourOrtfs, the Cotiitdeiiea of your Aflevcrationv 
and yobr^lfeWicnefs there, fhall perfwade me, I did 
not biihg you hither, tuA now j here's my Witi^, 
who cannot deny it, (ince you mull be confronted— ^ 
Mr, HmiTf did not X bring this Lady to yoQ }aft now i 

Hfr, Now muft I wrong one Woman fbr another's 
fake, but that's no new thing with me ; for in thefet 
Cafes I am flill on the Criminal'* Sde, againft the In- 
nocent. \_40^t- 

Alith. Pray, fpcak. Sir. 

B^r. It maft be fo— I muft be impudent, and try my 
luck, faapodence ufcs eo be too hard for truth. [Jfi^* 

Mr. Pitt, What you are ftudjing an EvaGon, or ex- 
cufb for IMe, Speak, Sir. 

Her. No, faith, I am fomething backward only, to 
fpeak in Women's Af&in or Difputes. 

Air. Tin, She bids you fpeak. 

^Uth. Ay, pray. Sir, do, pray fatisfie-him. 

Hor. Then, truly, you did bring that Lady to me 
jufinow. Mr. Pin. 



f5'B The Count ry-Wije; 

Mf. fin O ho . 

- Alitb. How, Sir- 

Bar. How, HemtTl^ 
' AUth. What mean yoo. Sir, I always took yon for 
a Man of Honour I 

'Hot. Ay, fo much a Man of Honour, that X mnft 
ffire my Miftrefs, 1 thank you, come what will on't. 

■ Sfar. So if I had had her, ffiey have made me be- 
lietrei the Moon had been made of a Cbrifimat Pye. 

^ I^ep K64(r cfHi'd I fpeakj if I durlt, and folve the ; 
Riddle, who am the Author of it. [_AjUt, '•■ 

jil*tb. O uhfortunate Woman I A Cotnbination a* i 
gainft my Hondur, which moft concerns me now, be- I 
cibure you (bare in my Difgrace, Sir, and it is your j 
Cenfure which I mud now fuffer, that troubles me, 
not theirs. 

i7dr. IViadam^ then t^ve lio trout^e, you fliall now fee 
'tis pofSble for me- to love toe, ; without being jealoDs, 
I will not only believe your Innocence my felf, but ' 
iflSke all the World believe' ie^-^ ^ . 
i^mr I muft how be concern'd for this Ladies Ho- | 
lioun ■ ■ . . , . [ Jpart to Horner. 

. "Her. Aild I mult be concern'd for a Ladies Hmour 

'- Har. This Lady has her Honour, and I wHl proteA it, 
■- Hot. My Cady has not her Honour, bnt has giwq 
ft me to keep,; and I will preferve ic . 

Har. I underftand you not 

Jior. I wou'd not have you. 

Mu, Tin. What's the matter with 'em all ? 

[ Mrs. Pinchwife feeping in hebini. 

■ Mr. Pia. Come, cotne, Mr. ftimer, no more difpu- 
ting, here's the Parfon, I brought him not in vain. 

Hot. No. Sir, Ml employ him, if this Lady pleafe. 
' Mr. Pin. How, what d'ye mean I 
Spar. Ay, what does he mean ? 
Hot. Why, t have refign'd your Sifter to'^him, he 
has my Confent. 



the Country-Wife. ji^j 

ly^.Fln, But he has hot mine. Sir, a Woman's in- 

jur'a HoAbur;- n6" more than a Man's, can berepair'dj 

or fjtisfied by ai^; but him that firft wronged it;' 

andyoQ ftall marry^her prefently, or'- 

' ' ' ■'' ' \L(fjt bit Hani m bU Sword, 

Hater to thtm Mrs. Pinchwife. 

Afrj. Tin, O Lord, theyll kill poor Mr. Homer, ^e- 
fides he Ihan't m^rry her, whileft I ftand'by/ and look 
oh, I'll not lofe my fecond Husband fo. ' ' . ' 
Mr. Ph. What do I fee ? 
^litb. My Sifter in my Ooath^ J 
Spar. Ha) 

Afr/. Tin. Nay, pray now don't quarrel about find-' 

ing work for the Parfon, he ihall marry me to Mr, 

tifrtttri for now, I believe,, yoa have enough of me.' 

[ To Mr. Pinchwife. 

Hor. Damn'd, damn'd loving Changeling. 

'Mn. Tin. Pray, Sifter, pardon me for telling fo 

many Lye&of you. 

I^ar. I fuppofe the Riddle is plain now. 

'Lucj. No, that muft be my work, good. Sir, hear me. 

' \^K.nttU to Mr, Plnch. wbajfandt dog' 

gtdly, •with bii Hat over bit Eyes, 

Mr. Tm. I will never hear Woman again, but make 

'em all filent, thn> [Ofers to draw Mpm bisWfe. 

' Her. No, that muft not be. 
Mr. Tin. You then (hall go firft, 'tis all one to me. 
[ Offers to draw on Hor. fioft hy Har. 
Oar. Hold -'■^^ 

Enter Sir Jafper Fidgety Lady S^aeamifti, Mrs: Dainty 
Fidgety Mrs. Squeamilh. 

Sr. Jaf. What'9 the matter, what's the mattet", pray, 
what's the matter^ Sir, I befeet^h you communicate. 
Sir. 

Mr. Tin. Why, my Wife hafrcommanicate^j Sir, as 
your Wife may have done too. Sir, if fhe knows him 
Sir . . Sr.j4 



^ The Ceuntiy-Hnfe, 

. Sr.Jff. P&aiJir, with biiQj ha, ha, he. 

Mrrpin. D'ye mock me. Sir, a Cackold is a Idod 
of a wild 3eaft, have a care, Sir— - 

Sr. Jaf. No, fure, you mock me. Sir-— he Cnc^ 
kold yoa I Ic can't be, ha, ha, he, why, I'll cell you, 

Stf. [ Offers to iviifper. 

Mr. Ph. I tell you again, he has \yhof 'd my Wife, 
and yours too, if he knows her, and all the Women 
Ins comes near ; 'tis not Ins djiTembling, his Hypo* 
criHe can wheedle me. 

Sr. Jaf. How, does be dilTemble, is he a Hypo- 
crite? Nay then— how Wife — —Sifter, is he 

an Hypocrite i 

Old L. S^ueam. An Hypocrite, a Diflembler, fpeak 
young Harlotry,«fpeak how ? 

Sr. jef' Nay, then — -O my my Ilcad qoo- ■■ — 
O thcM, Ubtdinaus Lady I, 

Old L. Stjueam. O thou. Harloting, Hariotry, haft 
uiou don't then? 

i'r. 5^j/; Speak, good Hi»r»w, art thos a. IMflem- 
Wcr, a Rogue ? Haft thou 

Hor. Soh 

Laty. I'll fetch youofi^ and her too, if flie will bat 
hold her Tongue. . lAfartte Hor. 

., Her. Canll th<?u ? HI give thee — [>p<*rrwLucy. 
^ Ijuy to Aft-. P«. iPray have but Patience lo bear me, 
Sir who am the uofpnonate CaufeLof all this Con- 
fufion, your Wife is innocent, I only culpable ,• foi I 
put her upon telling ypu all tht;fe Lyes, concerning i 
my Miftrefi, in order t^ the breaking off the Match 
between Mr. Sfarkijh and her, to mq^e way for Mr. 
JJareeurt. 

^/ter. pid youfb et^fnal Rotcea^Tootfr^ Then it 
feenis my Millre& was. not falfe to mc, I was only 
deceived by yon. Brother, that fljou'd have been, 
now Man of Condu^. ,w.h& is a frank Pprfon now, 
to bring your Wife to. hi?F Lqver— — ha -r-^ 

Lacj. 1 affure you, Sir, flie came not to Mr. Horm 
OQC of;:loir$, foe Ihc iQ^es biffi no mQr^— ^ 



Tbe CtmtrytVift. Sgf 

H^t. Th. Hold, I cold Lyes for yon, bat y<« fliall 
tdl none fw me, for 1 do love Mr. iifi»r««r with aH my 
SodI, «nd no Body fhall fay me nay ; prsy, don't yoa 
go CO make poor Mr. Ihmer believe to the contrary, 
'tis fpitefnlly done of yoUj I'm Hire. 

Ibr. Peace, Dear Ideoc. {_JlfiJet9A^s.Pia:_ 

Mn.Pin. Nay, I will not peace. 

Afr. Fia. Not 'till'l make yoa. 

Enter Dorilanc, Qnadc. 

Der. ikrntr, your Senranc, I am tlu Dodof'sGaefl^ 
he mnft excQie our Inttnfion. 

^. 'fiut whatfs Ehe matter Gentlemeo* foe Hearens 
fake, what's the matter^ 

Hot. Ob| 'tis well yoa are come— —'tis a cenfori- 
«us 'Worid we lire in, y6u may have brought me a 
-Reprieve, or elfe I had died for a Crime I never 
committed, and thefe innocent Ladies had fufier'd 
With me, therefote prayfatisfie thefe worthy, honon- 
raWe, jealous Gentlemen that-^— {Wbiffert, 

:g«. O, I underftand yon, tj that all — Sir Jaf^tr, 
<>y Heavens, and apon the Word of a Phylician, 
Sir,- [ ffhijferi to Sir Jaiper. 

Sr. Jaf. Nay, I do believe yoo troly pard<m 

me-my <rirtaoas L^dy, and dear of Honour. 

OliL. S^utam. What, then all's tight again. 

Sr. Jsf. hy, ay, and now let ns fatisfie him too.' 

\7hvf Trhifftr with Mr. Ptnchwife.' 

■''Mr. Pjn. An Eanadi I Pray, no fooling with me. 

jgff. I'll bring half the Chynirgeons in Town to 
IWearit. 

Mr. Pin. They -they'll fwear a Man that bled to 

deflHi through his Wounds diedof an Apoplexy. 

jg«. Pray, hear me, Sir why all the Town hts 

heard the leport-of .him. 

Af6: Ph. But docs all (he Town believe it. 

^. Pray , inquire a little, vitd fiiil of »ll thefe. 

Mr. Pin. I'm lure, wheq I left the Town, he wu 
the lewdeft Fellow in't. - - 



%%6 ( TbeCoifntry-TVifi, 

S^ I tell yon, ^r, be has been Ja FrfitueCmct, prajr 
ask bat thefe Ladies and Gentlemen,, youf Friend Mr. 
Dmlttnt, Gentlemen and Ladies, han't yod all heard 
,the late fad Report of poor Mr. Homer. 

M Lai- Ay, ay, ay* , , j ■ > , 

., T)or. Why* thoa jealons Fool doft thoa doubt it, 
he's dn errant J^Vwict.Capon. . . ,, 

Mn. Tin. *Tis falfe. Sir, you* fliall not jdjfpv^ge 
poor Mr. Homer, for to my certain ICiiowledge^— 

Luc;. O, hol^i , I 

Squtam. Stop her Moutii— f A{Utto Lucy. 

, <M La. Fid. Upon my Honour, ^rj tis as true. 

. Pain. P'ye think we would hare been leen in iiis 
Company—^ 

Sfntam. Trailopranfpotted Reputations wit'i'i''"' l 

Old La. Fid. Ttjs you gee, and we cop, by truftiog 
your Secret to a Foo l [ Afide te Hor. I 

Hor. Peacet Madanij— well, Do^or, is not this a 
good De/ign that carries A Mao on unfufpeded, ajii) 

brings him off fafe. [ AjUe to Quacit 

, .;i*'.Pi».Well,ifthisweretrne,butmyWife— [^-i. | 
, . , \_Doti\2Lntwhif^i?vitbMrt.firifii, , 

Alith. Come, Brother,, your Wife is yet innocent 
yon fee, but have a care of top ftroDg an Ima^na- 
tion, left tike an ororrconcern'd timerons Ganiefterj 
by fancying an unlucky C^n, it fhould . com^. Wo- 
men and Fortune are trueft ftill to thofe that trull 'eiD* 

Lucy. And any wild thing grows but the mbrfi fierce 
and hungry for being kept up, and more dangerou 
to the Keeper. * • . 

Alitb. There's Do^rine for all Husbands Mr. Bit' 
eaurt. . . , 

Har. I edifie. Madam, fo muchj that I ant laipa* 
tJent 'till I am one, . 

Dor. And 1 edifie fo mnch by Example, I *"■ 
never be one. 

Sfar. And becaufe I will not difparage my Vas^ 
■ I'll ne'er be one. 

Hot. And, I alas, can c be one.i ,..^-> 



The ComtrfWtfe. 1 244 

Mr. Tkt. But I muft be one agaioft my Win to 

a Country Wife, with a Country-murrain to me. 

Mn. Fin. And I tnull be a Country Wife ftill coff I 
find, for I can't, like a City one, be rid of my mofty 
Husband, and do what I lift. C-^«* 

Hor. Now, Sir, I muft pronounce your Wife inno- 
cent, though I blulh whiln I do k, and I am the only 
Man by ' her now expos'd to 'Shame, which I wi|l 
flreight drown in Wine, as you fhall your Sufpiciop, 
and the Ladies Troubles we'll divert Ivith a Ballad, 
Dodoc where are your Maskers. 

Lmcj. Indeed, iae's innocent. Sir, I am her Wi;- 
neti, and her end of coming out was, but to fee her 
Sifter's Wedding, and what Cbe has faid to your Face 
of her Love to Mr. Homer was, but the ufual inno- 
cent Revenge on a Husband s Jealoufie, was it not. 
Madam, fpeak — r- 
Mri. Fof. Since you'll have me tell more Lyes- — 
[ J^Je to Luey Mid Homer. 
Yes, indeed. Bud. 
Jl4r. Pin. For my own fake fain I wou'd all believe. 
Cuckolds like Lovers fbou'd themfelves deceive. 

But [ Sight. 

His Honour is leafi fafe, ( coo late I find ) 
Who truft's it with a foolifh Wife or Friend. 

A Dance ef Cuckolds. 

C puther, 
f]er. Vain FopSj but court, and dre&, and keep a 
To pafs for Women's Men, with one another. 
Bat he who alms by Women to be priz'd, 
Firft by the Men yon fee muft be defpis'd. 



nriLOGUB 



;, Google 



E f II OG VE fpokcn by Mrs. Ssis^. 

NOWjnn the 'Vigermsf wh» imh iat 7 

O'w VhMTd Mtsk, in fuUkk demimtr, > 
A»d ivbat yoUi Jo to her if -in Vl4e« lukere j ji 

Naj/lhivtibeCottfiittiee, to ajcemt mt^ 
Ttt-witnPe fays had m, jta art netfieut ; 
But to jomr ■wet-Jnfi Brother firMfbt turn >Toimd 
Anderjj Pox tut 6erN«d, Jhe coo t hfouitd : 
Timflink atffaji afrt^ one to tngsgef 
With fo much fttmipg Heat and loving Sfgff 
Timdirightm liftning ABrtfs en the Stage j 
^S fie at hfr hasfttn you Imffing come, 3 

'And talk of keeping intbe Tjring-Rtomj > 

Tet comet be frovok'd to lead her heme j * 

iJtxtyou'SaXi^'afh of fifty, vbohtfet 
Tour Buckram Maidenheads , which your Friends, get i 
And whilfi to tbem^ you «f Atebievtmtnts boajtf 
They Ibart the Beatf, and laugh at your Cafi. 
JnfinCj you Ejfens't Boys^ both Old am'" 
•Who WBu'dbe thought fo eager, brisk, i 
Tet dotbe Ladies, not their Buiiaruls, vrong 
WbofeTurfes far your Manhood make Exeufe, 
And keep your Flanders Mares fer Shew, mfUf* j 
Enceuragd"by our ffoman's Man today, 
A Horner'j Vart may. vainly think to, flay ; 
And may Intreagutsfo baflifuSy difoiVn, 
That they may doubted be by few, or none, 
Maykl' ■ - • -■ - • 

Andfo 
But GaUauti 

Tie World, which to no Man bis due ovill gi-ge^ 
Tou by Experience know you can deceive. 
And Men may fiill believe you Vigoroui, 
But then we ffomm, — there's no cous'ning ui. 



your Lo/f. 
I andTottng, 7 
sk, andfirmg, f 
tds, MTdPg .• 3 



f tbey may doubted be by jew, er none, 

y ii/s the Cards at.Pic^et, Hanbre, -r~Zt/, 3 

ifo be taught to ktfi she Lady tao^ if 

GaSants, bave a care faith, whatyoudo- ^ 



FINIS. 



, , T H B 



THE 

GENTLEMAN 
Dancing'Mafter. 

A 

COMEDY. 

As it is A6Ud 

By Thetf Majesties 

SER V ANTS. 



By Mr. Wycherley. 



Honit Nonjatii t^ ri/u itductrt riffim 



9 ramen hic^ju^ i vtrtui. 



LONDON) 

I*rinted (drRick WeUiagtm, at the Ddfhiii 
iaiCrmit at the WeitEnclof St; PiuPs 
amtch-Ttrd, 171a; 



D,l,z.:;,C.OOg|i: 



P R O L O QUE 

TotheCITY, 

Newly aftct the Removal of the Dilke's Company 
&om LiiKtbi'i-bai-feldi to theii new Theatte, 
near SMitbirf-Ciaia. 

OZJ&Jitiir (Idfm) finding 'IvHtldJitrctifi 
At I'elber endjf'ibT^mt it come iojou ] 
Aitdfuia 'til tit Ufi Tiyal, tai ihtt Wit 
T« tinai himjiSm * fii^mUdd Pit. 
Where maedy Wili Ar Criiii^dttrt not coffte^ 
Ltfi tUtig^ttur ftk Cbdki -aiti tmkjfii grant, 
Siim'd prmieaGaniK } 
Where Punk itt vizor dare aei rent and teat 
Ta pHt »j oat, Jmce BrideWel itfo near ) 
'Injbort, vejmiti<vdi te ¥n'dtrfit'4. 
If not, Jhalt he admir d and that's as good ; 
fm-fmKl finjitfi fV^s iamjilfl teen kf*d, 
Ntfi Dim mMi *i"> t^' J'fl timi'dfild i 
And never veat it beard of, that iheCiij 
Did ever taifSKcafoH to hetieitt^ 
Vpots dall Psil, erjiiff Pkjers Mian, 
Bilt.pUlmthdafs.ofpes'dthej!ijpag Fatlim. 
bat if yoahifs'd'tauiauha fit, not Stage, •» 
So, teith the Poet, dantnd the daaming Age, C 
Attdfiillmahfiiit'are-ai^jlijJfiigage ^ . 

Again fi the gating, ttcijag Geatr/ vbo 
Cititen, Player, Poet, tooadandO, 
The Poet, no ; ssnUfi Iff ■ eanum adati o ir ^ l 

For on the Change, Wits hatje no refatalion ) 
Andrathertiaisbtkratilte4folra'Wi1, 
Ht Wilt fta, atlemn, tooa'd credit get. 



Dramatis Perfonae. 



Mr. Genrd. 
Mr. Mtrtin. 



} Young Gentlemen of tlie 
Town, and Friends. 

^A vain Coxcomb, and ridi City 

Mr. Ptrris, or f Heir, newly retUriied from 

Mpn^eur V Fr^wf, and mightily aiSsfted 

DePiuris. I with the Fremt Language aid 

J Fafliions. ■ 

•vAn old rich Spinifi Merchant 

*, t^ ■ r if newly returned home, as 

Mt.JmesFbm^X nuchaffbaed with the Habit 

or Do» Dttgc I ^j Cuftoms of Sp<»,and Uo- 

■' detoDiri'iimV. : 

Mrs. HifpMti. FotmaTs Daughter. 

»<_ f .■ ■ ?fi»»M/'s Sifter, an imperti- 
Mts.to<«. ^ nentprecifedd Woman. 

Frut. Hiffelitd's Maid. 

MtuBirti J Two Common Women of 

Mrs. BoaKt. i the Town< 

A little BUci-fMmj Lacquey to BmuL 

A Parfon. 

A freuch ScuUion. 

Servants, Waiter, and Attendants^ 

SCENE London. „ 

THE 



THE 

G ENTLEMAN 
Dancing-Mafter. 

ACT. I. S C E C E I. 
Don Diego's Houfein th Evening, 

Ea ter {Uppdita mi Pruc btr MriJ. 
Bjy.^'W"^Oconfinca Woman juftin hatambliag Age ! 
I take away her libeity at the veiy time fli^ 
J^ (hou'd life it ! O baibatoas Aunt ! O unjialu- 
lal Father! to (but up the poorGiilat fourteen, and hinder 
ha budding i i^ things are ripcn'd by the Sun i to fliut up a 
poor Girl at fourteen ! — 
friL Tis true, Mi(s, two poor young ppnturcs «s we are ! 
fjiff. Not fuffer'd to fee a Play Ui a Twelve Hcmth '— — • 
Pf«. Nor togotoPwcifiyZ/gnor Paradife! ■ . . 
Hipfj!iot to nbe a Rambk to the Park noK Mulberry garden ! 

Fru.'NcatoTat»am-CairtaotlJlii^im\— 

Hipp. Nor to eat a SUIybub in new Sprfng-gardeo with » 

Coutin! ' 

Friv. Nor to drink a Knt of Wine with a Friend at the. 
Prince in the Sun !— 
Mff- Nor {0 hear a Fiddle in good Company! 
Pn». Norto hear the Organs and Ton^ a^ the Gunb 

l^tr^lii ! — 

Riot, Nay, not fufEei'd to go to Churdi, bccau(e the mea 
-;" . 1, . ■ ■ ■ J^ , - - ■ ,„■ 



246 The Gentlemin DMchg-Mnpr. 

ace fonKtimes there ! little did I think I Oiodld ever fs^ 

longM to go to Chmch ! 

Prm. Oi I cithei, but brtwecn two Maids ! — — 

Hipf. Nor feeaman !— — — 

Trut Nor coiue near a Man !■•*—— 

Hitp. norhcaiofaman!—— — • 

Pra.-N^ Mi6, buttoBcdci^'daimrt! iiMttoHftVtnoufe 

Ifipf- Hold, hold -— — your icfcntment is as miMh greater 
than mine, as yew: eXscrfeilcc his bocn grated i but all this 
vhile, whatdd fre AttKibf my CoiiCn, hi^ Htaband elcd 

f as my Auat (ays) we have had his Company thcfc three days. ' 
Is.henoinaa? 

tru. No, faith, he's but a Monfitur^ but you'll refblve your 
fclf that qtteftion within thtfe thieetiays for by that time, he'll 

be your Husband, if your Father come to iiight ? 

Hiof. Or if I provide not my (etf with another in the mean 
time ! Fot Fathers feldocfi c^tuTe WeR, and I i^itl no more 
take my Father^s choice in a Husband, thin I would in a Gown 
or a Suit of Knots ; So that if that Cot^lin of mine were not an 
. \\\ contriv'd ugly Frtckilh fob!, in beii}g rtiy' Father's choice, 
I rtiou'd hatt him i befidcs he has alnioft itiadc tie o* of love 
- ^th ^trth b'nd good hiKnour, for he debafes it as Ihuch as a 
Ti£k-t>udifng ', and Civility and good ftfteding mtJte then a 

ibity Daiicfcg Maftcr. — ^:' ■" ' 

Pftt. iVhit, «ori*t yon marf^ him then, Madim ? 

Hifp. Wou'dn thou have me marry a Fool 1 an Idiot > 

tfu. Idi'rd \ *(ii a f^n you have been kept up Indeed ! and 

know Titift t)f thd World, loreftifcartiantoViHusband, only 

' hecayfe he's a Fb6l,. Melhinks he's i prtlty ajdfli kind of 1 

Gfeiitlfhrah, tiktcfbrt Gentlcmei). ana handffimc tttoagK to 

lye.Tvith in the dark.,xvhe.n,liust)ancls talii; thrir prtvitedges, 

ihd (di'thk Sif-iWis ybii mat ^5kc the pviviredgc o£a Wife. 

Hipf, ExcclieptGovcrne&^ you dounderlland theWottd« I 
(cfc. "■■■"■■■■ ' ■ ' ■ 

Pru. Then you (hou!d be guided by Hie. 
H*)^. Art !hou'incar6cftlKen,crartiti*d Jade? 'Woq.'iA thoi} 
liavt iffe VrtarfJ l^ih ? well— — there ixt flfiofe p(5<»r yoong ^ 
\ypmen. undone and inarried to filthy Fellows, by ihetttadiCTy 
arid evil Couniil of Ctiamijcr-ibalds, ihaobytht (Minacy' 
aiidcoveteufnels ofpaicnw. ' ' '" ^^. ..,..■ ^ 



Pn* .Pfm> liQt yoOT f stber epnse QB piirpoie ouf of yy«a 
to mairy you to hiEn i Cao yo4 relr4r<: your it\( from your 
Aunt (^ ^AtbfT any other way ? Have you 3 miiid tq be Qwt up 
as long as you Lve ) For my part (though yqu can holdout up- 
DO rbcUfW ffoni the W9IIS hnCf SaU, old Shoocs^ and pat- 
meal) I canoot lire To, I mull confc& m^ Rxtientx u worn 

out 

Wn. Aias ! alas ! v^of ftm ! your ftomich ]ies another way, 
I wilt labe pity of you, and get mc a Husband very fuddci^Iy, 
t^amtlwvci^WaxyQMr ScrncCi but ratber than tnar- 
ly my CoulSe, I wiU |>f 9 Mud in ^ w:w ^roteAant Nunne- 
ly they mUe of, Cwhcietbey fty^ wc will be no hc^s of 
coming near a mail. 

Tru. But you can marry no-body bijt your CoulTn, Wtlf, 
your Fatba you expcd to Night, apd be certain his Sp^mi^ 
policy and waiinefs, which has kept you up fo dole ever fince 
you came £019 47<K^''9-Sch«)l, will nutke fure of you wifhia 
adayortwoaffetf^cU ■' -" 
Mpf. 'nwn 'i» tiB»c p^ (hjigjt how to ^ty^t Jfiim— .%— 
Tru. In vain, vain Miis.' 

Wfp- If we knew but any roan, any.4i;iao, though be ^ere 
teCBlde JMrfjjPBWj^jhppfyil^fo tb^i he wgrc? t^ehtle- 
man. 

Prw. Whatif'traM 4M ^V'.^i'ir Matli, ifyou ha^ an Qppor- 
lltiif»9 iFte'irf yw. Ifiirf: ^p^^dfkp^.to fpcak to a ti^an^ill? 
But if you-aH^,.iiawjqw'4 #pti ci;tme to him, or he to .you ? 
nay, how coa'd you fend to him ? for , tfjpu^h yon ,cou'd 
write, which your Ealbai^Jlis^fw/!' PfLti;l^icc v'ou'd lievcr 
permit you to irarn, who (bou'd cany the teeter } but we 
wa4.notie.conaiwV.^tt)Wf> ^we W? know n9t .to".\yhom 
lodlaad^ 

Hjff.-^tty-J'-^JtTWfl ^tCo^— i',lI/,7 howcytt-^ ■ " 

EiWrt- Moniieut,de,P''f|sT|. ' ' 

Miif Sqntii|ew,.(S«^ieHr, |U Cpwfi^e, \ cohtf ttJ^thc 
*».&wr, -tubefirwift-f^. - 

cHm. [OCoHl»>-li!i»HilHiow tuni> ><:l>c ^<^ iG^itleinan they 
trik (irij&mdiin Tpmh> 
fwf..Wh»tJ wiftiiWttUstohiaiiOfitnx.manelfi?''' 
Mmf. IfaiDVjtil^l^iJMvfcniQadeOoLitiHe. . ^^ ' 
fUff. Mailer-— 

' R 4 '.:;■ *^""A 



»48 7%* Gentleman D/mutig-Mafier* 

Monf. Monfieur Taildit ! Monfieur 'Efmt, Monfieur— >: 

tjipf. Thcfe aie Frtncb men ' 

Mimf. Non, non, you'd you have nie fiiy Mr. r^^/n*, Mt. 
Smithy tic, tic, tcttenbn--— — ■ 

Hifp. But don^t you know the braye Gentlennn they talk 
rffo much ai Town i* 

Mmf, \Vho, fAon£^eaxGtTrari'i 

J7(^ Whatkindof Rianisth4(Mr.GnT<iri> aridthdilll 
tell you. 

Mtt^. Why— he is tndy a petty man, a pretty man— 
« pretty lb fo—— kind pf nun fbi an £i*{/i/lr man. 

Hiff. How 1 a pretty man ? 
■ Monf. Why, he is conveniently tall— ba(-^» 

Hitf. But, what? ■* ' 

Afo»/: And not il!-fiiap'd but^— • 

tiipf. But what ? ■'' ■' 

Mwi/; And handfbm, as 'tis though -! — bu t" - '■ ' ■ ' 

Hi^. But, what are youi Exccprions to him? ' ' i ^ .;.. 

Mmf. I can't telt ^ou^' becauft they are innumerable, uiDOt 
plcrabJc won foy. ■!'.*- 

tTipf. Hashe^Wit? •■ • - 

Monf, Ay,ay,they fay he's witty, brave and deb^luineuc 
and wdl-bred with allthat— — but,- 

Bm. But what7 does he want Judgment^ 

Jk&nf. Non, non, they Tay he has gobd &nlc and judgment, 
but It is according to the Kcount f>irfe',—fi»—> 

iSpp. For what? ■ ' 

Monf. Forjarnif— iflthtnkit • 

ISff. Why? ' ■ - 

Monf. Why — ^why his TaykrUvcs within IjJgMtif-^ 
Hs Valct-de Qumbre is no Fnw/b-man^— and he has bcei) 
(cen at noon-day to go 3nto an £»f ^Eating-houfc— -^ . 

•Bifp. Say you fb, Coafti ? ■ 

MMf, Then fbr1)cIngwtIl-brcdyoafliall)udae-"^,'fi^ ^ 
can't dance a (Icp, nor. ling ^Frmc^Sbng, nor mar aFrwi^ 
Oatc,nor ufc the polite Fw&ri word in hfe-Gonverfttion; and in 
fine, can't ptay at Hombie — but fpeahs bafegood En^ J^ 
the comtnune homebred pronoandaridi^ aivl In me, toliy 
IK> more believer carries a SnUfFbox-iboiit with hlm< 
"' f^iw; Indeed— —- ' " ■ ':'./. 

■ ■■' •"^" Jifrfr 



Th QtntUmtH DAncing-Mafierj 949 

A£mf, And yet diis Mtn has bKP abroad as modi a^ any 
man, and docs net make the Uaft (hew ofit, but a little in 
his Mfcn, not at all in bis .dilcptic Jamie*, be never talks (b 
much as (^St,Pcfn-'s Chutdi, arid At^fhe Efatrislfii Ma- 
#£^paynDtIbro'lKhasbfHrw7,lV.>.cfi^i>»f-N(i^, Fn-ujmi 
the new Lejivrt, noi o^thc GnuulKoy.-.^ .. 

Hiff. *rtsi(»biiCDti)ipc949U4(), ifhedocsnottalkofhis 
rTfavels. 
Hdionf^ Au|h auh-*-Cou&ie"*he Js conlcicitis himlelf of his 
wants, becaii^heisvay cnviousji^ot hecannotcnduretne — 
■■■ "Jfi;p He (hall,ben)r man tbqi for that; tA/tJe. 

Ay, ay, cistbelaipe, FiKTiNpll^W he can't endiuc yot^ 
Coufm— . 

A^f. How do you know it-— who nem ftir out. Tdlc 
non— — 

Hipf. Well «— dear Codin — if you wilt proauiie me ne- 
ver to tell my Aunt, I'll tcU you— — ~ 
Aimf, I yfoa% I won't, Jamie 
mpp. Nor to be (oo(:em'd your lijf, (b as to make rquancl 
pf it. 

Meaf, Koa, non— 
Hijf. Upon the Word (^a Gentleman. 
Mmf. Foy dc Chevalier, I will not quaireL 
Tm. Lnd, Mils 1 I wonder you wont believe him without 
fnoreado? 

Hifft Tlien be has the hatred of a Rival foi you. 
Monf Mai a pelle. 

Him Ydu know my Ghan^r is backward, and has a door 
into the Gallery, which knks into the back yard of a Tavern, 
whence Mr. Gerr«^ once Ipying me at the Window, hasoften 
, (iRce attempted to come in at ttut Window by the hdp of the 
Leads of a low B^ildlnc adjoining, and indeed 'cwis as mudi 
as my Maid and I cou'd do to keep him out— — 
' M«f. Au le Coquin ! ■ 
^Cfiii^ But nQtIung is flronm than averCon i for I Ittte bim 

perfeqly, even as much as 1 love you — 

■' Bnr. 1 bc^eve fo fdth".>4)ut what, delign have we now on 

Hifp' This dilcoifcry is an Argun^nt furc of tpy love ^ 

^""'^ ■ ■ ' ' ' ' M,M 



3$o The QentUmtm DofUiffg-Msjler, 

Mmf. Ay, ay , fay no note, Goafia, I 4(hA( not yonr 
athoure for me, becaLueldoubtnotyDuijuJgnmt Butw^t^ 

to be done with tt^ Fanfwin 1 kaow wlieie he eats to 

night— I'll go find him out venit« Meu— — • 

W^. Oh my dm CouHn, you wilt hix tnifac a quarKl nf 
It f 1 thoiuht what your Pionu^ wcu'd come to ! 

jMmi/! Wou'd yoa have a Man of Honoaii— — ■ 

W^, Keep his Promile ? 

Mm^. And lofe bis Miftrefii that wete not for my Honour, 
nuy (by— — 

ffm. Coului, dioughyoadometheinjarytothinkleau'd 
be blfc— do not do your (elf the bjury to tfainji any one coi/<i] 
be &Ife to you —will you bea&aid <^ lofing your Miftrefi ; to 
(hew fudh a fear to yixir Rival, wen foe his honour, aod not 
lor youn furc. 

Monf. Nay, Goufin Td have yoa know 1 was never ^aid 
of toling my Miflrefi in eantcft— -Let me fee ibe man en 
£etmy Mifiielsfromoiejamie—bathethatlovamuftieeai a 
lude jcaloas. 

Ui^ Not to.his Rival, dio(c that have Jcalpufic hide k 
fiom their EUvak. 

Mmf. But there aic' (bfttc who (ay JeaIoa(]r Isnoiwnr to 
be bid than a Cou£^ ; but it (hotild never be difa^prnd in 
ine, if I had it, bcaufc it fanrt Frraci-at all— wentte— bleu- 

itm. No, you fbould lailly your Riyal, and rather fodie a 
JcftofyourQoanel tohim,andthat Ifuppole is F»i*6(oo — 

Mmt. *Tisib, 'tis fo^ GouGq, 'tis the vntrable ¥rmcb 
Metfiodi for your Hi^if, for want of Wit, dtivc every thing 
'iio a fcrious gium 9uvnl, and then wou'd make a Jdl tsn't, 
when,1^tooIatc when rtwycatft laugh, Jarnie— — 

Ui^. Tes, yes, 1 woifd have youtaiHy Wmfeundly, do 
notrparcHhia jot but (hall -you fee him mtught? 

Monf.'Ay^ ay — 

Hipp. Yesl ptvf he fureto Icdftm (br-thc^cA') fabe — — 

Monf. I will—for I love a jclle as wdl as any btl E%r^ of 
'cm all — da. 

Hipf. Ay, and taRIy him fonhdly ; be -fme yoti vaffly dim 

(oundly, aqd tellliim, juft thus- that the Lady he has fo 

long courted, from the great Window of the SMfTtvaH, is 
-tpheyour Wife to monow, unlcfshecomcathis wODted'heur 

,^ of 



cf fix ki dw Moniiag to her Window to forUd the Bancs i fet 
'Us thefirilandliAdiDeofaskiag<aiKlifhecon]eiiot,laUBi 
for ev«t hcrea^ ft»J away voA hold Us Tongue. 
Monf, Hah, ha ha, a rciy good Jcfc, teOc bleu. 
Uif. Atid if the Fool (hou^ como again, I wodd tell him 
his own, I wanant you Coufin i my Gcntleinan (hau'd bo fa- 
tli^cd for good and all, Itle Iccurc hino. 
ASonf. Bon, Bon, 

Pm. Well, wdl! yoUngMifticls, you weicncrtatWwiwy- 
Schocd fta nothing I fee j not taken away foi nothing : A Wo- 
mati may fotm be too old, but it nevct too youiig to Ihtft for 
httWf? C^M- 

Monf, Hah, ah, ah, Coufin, dou art a merry GllK^— «"» 
ft>y— I long to be^idiGfrrtfrt^ and 1 am the beft at ifn)]n}T^ 
tng a Jefle— I ball have fodi dlvmi^nent te night tcftc Ueu. 

Uiff. HcTlldRiy, 'maybe ufitft^ that be ever courted any 
fuch Lady. 

' Mmf Hay, I Mtti fufc hell bea&am'd of it: I Dull anhe 
himkwkrofintly tdicnon — ^tkmgtoiindhimout, adieu, 
adieu la Cculine. 

Hifp. Shall yoabe&re to find him ? 

M<mf. IfidubitabltnKnt n featth the Town onr, but Ilj 

find him, bah, l», ha-^ [Ex. Monf, ajid rtxamu 

Bat i'lQ afraid, Ccufine, if Kbouldtdlhitn you ate tobemy 
Wife to motrov, he ttou'd not come, now I am for having 

WificwiicfMtheJ<*'^f»ke vtwtc-^ . 

{fit*. So am 1, Cfoutin, fot having htm come too ftn: the 
left's fake. 

Mwrf. Well, well! Icsveittemc! ha,ha,ha. 

Enftf Afr*. Caution. 
Mis. cm, Wfctt'saH (His giglifla here? 
t^f. Hay, do yoa tinke well tril you, no fait, 1 wanant 
wn) tefte mm ha, h», fea— — 

H^. MyConfin1i««»icry'd, Ifoppofc, (hat tny FaHier is 
jbtoftttto'tii^*' 

Mrs. Cwrt. I «si aftaM hcBFill not come to Bight— but 
you^llftayandfec, Nephew. 

Mmf. Non, tjon : I am (o fap at lo'dict end of the Town 
jDtuglK—i.la,la,la-— ;^-ra,ra,M-— — . [E«. MonC.^/(fW»- 



252 . 'Git Gi»tlemM Dancitig^Mifierl 

Mis. C<wr. I wilfathc frtoib LeWty of this Voung-diaa 
may agice with your Father's Sfamjb Gravity. 

Hipp. ]utl as youi crabbed old age and my youth agree. 

Mis. Caul. Well, Malqkit! 1 know you hate me> because 
I have been the Guaidian of your Reputation. But your Hus- 
hmi tnay thank me one day: - 

Hipp. Uhebe'notaFooI, he would lather be oblig'd to me 
fin my venue, than to you, lince, at long run he muft, whe* 
ther he will orna 

Mt9.CaM. So, lb! 

Bi^. Nay, tK}w I thtnh on't i I'dehaveyoutoknov, the 
poor man^ whofoe'er he is, wUt have little cauTe to thank you« 

Mrs. CnHfi, No«f— f-T* 
' Hip^. Nov for ( ncvei lived fo wicked a life, as I have ioBg 
this twelve-motilh, fincc I have not fccn a man. 

Vlts.CaHt. How.' how! If you have hot feena Ma^ how 
cou'd you be wicked ? how cou'd you do any ill ? 

Hipp. No, I have done no il!,btn Thave paid it widi thiakin^ 
. Mts.Caut. O that's no huit. to thiitk is no hurt i tbeait-i 
cieiit, grave, and godly cannot help thoughts. . 

Hipp. I wanant, youhivehad em youtfelf. Aunt. 
: JAts,Caia. Yes, yes I when I cannot Hcep. 

Hipp. Ha, ha — — I believe it, but know, I have had thole 
thqughts lleq)ing and waking : for I have dieam't of a man. 

Mis. Cmt, No matter, no matter, fo that it was biU a 
dream, I have dream't my fclf ; for yoi muft know Widows 
tie mi^iiy given to dream, infomuch that a dieam is wag- 
gKhly call'd the Widows Comfort. 

ii^. But Idid notonlydiczmfn—— .■ .■ [5v£j-. 

Mis-Cowr. How, how; did you more than dream .^ fpcak 
young Harlotry > conf^, did you npre dup dream ^ how 
couU you do more than dicam in this Moufc^ fpcak .' coafc& 

Hipp. Well.' I will then, hidecd. Aunt, I did rxx only, 
dream, but I was pleafed with my dream when I awak'd. 

Mrs. Caut. Ob, is that all ^ nay, if a dream only will pteafe 
you,.youareamodeA youngWoilKDftill,buthavcacarc ofa 
Vifwn. 

■Hipp. I ; but to be delisted when wc wake with a nau^ 
t^ ^ream,. isa Hn, Aunt ■, an^ I am fo very fcrupulous, thati 
woii'd astoon confbit to a naughty tiuQ, as to a naughty dreamt 

.y-m 



The GtnihmahpMcing'M^tr: 353 

Mrs, Cant. I d6 believe yoil. 
Biff. lam foigdngintothe ThiongofTcmptations. 
Mrs. C«rt. There I believe you agcn. 
iiiff. And making my fclf (b umiliu with them, that I 
wou*d not be conceni'd fpt 'em 1 whit. 
Mrs. Caut. There 1 do not bcBcve you. 
Hifp. Ahd would rake all the irmocent libcriyoTtheTowif, 
to tactic to your men uadd a Vizard in the Play-houfcs, and 
tneet *cm at night in Mafqueiade. . 

Mrs. Cm. Thcie I do believe you agun, I know you 
wou'dbc mafqueradlng \ but wtwiewouM come on't, as ithas 
done to others, who have been in a Mafqueradc, and are now 
Vir^D*sbut in MaJqueradr, and will not be tbcii own Women 
agfcn as long as they live. TheO^drm of this Age muft be 
wife Children Indeed, if they know their Fatlwsj iincethdt 
Mathcts tbcmfetves cannot iofbcm *em ! O, the ^tal Liberty 
of thismalqucrading AgewhenliArasayouiu Woman. 

' i^ff> CofO^ oime, do not bbfphcme traa malqtxn^t^ 
Age, like an ilbred Ctty-[)ame, whole Hu^wid is half hcpke 
by living in Cevnt- GtrJeUt or who has ben tnm^l out d the 
TetnfU otLmotnsrLM vpenz mafiiuendii^ Night : by what 
I've heatd *tts a pkalant-wclUfa(M<conipiaccni-ficee fndick- 
£pod-natut*d-prctty'Agc > and if you do not like it, leave it 
to us that do. 

MrSi C*Mt. Lord! how ittqpudently you talk. Niece, l*m 
fure I remember when I was a Maid. 

Hipf. CaQyoutemeQibetiti reverend Aunt ? 
Mrs. Caut. Yes, tnoded Niece, that a raw young thing 
though almoft at Wcmans cfl2te,,that was then at joor 35 
yaars.ofage, would not lb much as have looh'd upon a Man. 
Hiff. fibovt her Fathers Butler 01 Coach* man. 
Mrs. Cma, Still taking me up ! well ihouartamadGitI, 
and fo gpoi ni^t. We may go to bed, for I (uppofe now 
your Father will not come to ni^t. (Exit Mn. Caution* 

Hipp. I am forry for itt for 1 king to tee him. But I lye; I 
had ratha &e Gtrrard here, and yet I know not how I fltall 

Rke him : if he has wit he will come, and if he has. none he 

wou'd not be welcome. - _ „; „ , - 

(£x. nipp4 and Pra.. 

S C EN ' 



%54 ^ GttakmititDmciiig'Mifier, 

SCENE ebm^tt to tbt VtKui>-He»f»t s TMe^ 
BoitUi-, nACmJUt. 

Evitr i/r. Qatiti^ M«iio, mJ MoaGair At Torn, 

Monf. 'Tis vn vcrit^, Jamie, what die French fty of 
you Et^l^y you u(e tfae deboch fe nuicb, it auMot havE with 
yotitbc jTCflc/bOpattioa yeuanncracf^oyeev butoomCt let 
us for ona be eafiiKinent gilUaal, and £ng i J^Vmri 5bnnO^ 
lings la batatlU, la haUilUj elvii efm* 

/vbru to GerrarJ. Wfau a mebtfiois Fop it is ? 

M«f. Avk' youtavenoCoqiflriftace. 

<}tr. Nb we ssot* GoSi bat wc'B drinfc to you dw Utiles 
faailtb, whom (jon fay) 1 htre (9 long aaurttd at ha ififigAow. 

MiAmf. Ay« ihcieii yoiu Compla^anofi ^^ your EwJ^ 
OHBpUfaoaBisplede^GraApfaiHiice, vtatM-^— Wifl <lo 

you reafen hue, wHl70ttJoliie>ml(»toa:liHicJ>)m«iGtMA- 
fen« bCTte-«i ■' i<fatf JKigfatoypa— ^-^-^^^iitftto., Xv-^ak- 

Mmt, u Gerrari. llu& tadittlteep Company nMtaSiet 
of wkk moathMtkanbtflCtthedHl Cnorlficn. 

Gcr. Omie, £^, drink, and'heAaH^o^mttafoB toyou 

tm I am the t>ukt of Norfolk. 

Alto^ Auh>TefieUeB,)nGi^A(f&'CMdiifie,ge, TCntie-* 

Gtr, He can fug no damn'd fimoiiSong. 

Monf. Not ao I think tkc-damn^dfflg^' Wine. (5efj 
(dnvn titGUjh 

Gtr. Yes, to that Ladles health, o^o'litt commanded rac 
to wait upon bcr to -monofc at nei Window, ■vviaA hdks 
(you fay) into the inwaid Yaid of 'the Sbip-Tweaif awai the 
end of 'vrfiat'cke cslft^ArHt. 

^m/I Ay.sy, dofbHnot^nowhn, netyou {vtMtiita.y 

Gtr. But 'pny repeat agcn What fhe laid. 

Hmf, Why, fte iai^, OKfeto^minyM to motrow ^ ' 
a'perfsnof HonoiiT} aJbiavcOcntlenun, that fbaH be name 
ku Aid fo, and fo foiiti (little does he think who 'tis.) i^lfiJa 

Gtr, And what dfe^ 

i)im/ That if you make not your appearance befbie hcl 
VVindow tt> oootrow at youi wonted houi of Cx JQ ttx mom' 

*>« 



idg to faibid the Bancs, you mufi for ever haeafter fUy away 
afld hoU Toui tongue, foi'dsdiefirftaiicllafldnieof uktog, 
ht. ha, ha! 

Gtf. Tis all aKIddlc to me * I Saodid be Hnffifltag to be 
focri'd by Ibis Coxcomb. 

iianf. I won't tcU luin all (he Cudt left be (houM not go, I 
wouM tam have him go fi» the Jeft's fike— — -ha. hi, ha. , 

Ger. Her name il, yoa lay, HiffeliHi Daqgbtci lo t rich 
SfoK^ MerchanL 

Moiif. Ay, ay, yon don*t know ber, rot youad^autrc) 
d'auBcroafoy— '-'ba, ba* ha. 

Gtr. Well ! I will bean eafie PoolJbr once. 

hUrt. By all nxaiu go. 

Mmf. Ay, ay, by all means m — rhab,_ha, ha; 

Ger. To be cai^ght in a Fcoh Tr ap — .■ - I'll venrme it. 

MM- 

Oxne, *tu ha health. (Drnk^ u him, 

Mioif. And to yoiur good leceptioa— — tcfle.blvu,— — • 
ba» ha, ha. 

G€r. WcU, Monricur! I'll (ay thii fbi thee, thouhaAnHde 
die btd lift of thiac mootbs at F«n/, as erer £ty/i^ Sqabc 
did. 

ASoiif, Ctmlidoii^ T was m a dam' EmA/ PeniiaDtoo. 

hkrt. Yet you bzVe Gonvets'd with fomc R-tnA, 1 fie ) 
Foot->ineii 1 iapfaCc at tfac Fracing-Scbool, I ju^ge It by yon 
Oaths. 

Mai^. Fmui FoOt-men ! well, welt, I bad latbct. hav£ 
the conveilation of a French Foot-man than of an Eng/i^&C' 
quiie, there's for you da ' ■ 

Mttrt, I beg yout pardon, Mmfiettr : I did not dunk die 
f^Wtfj^ Fnot-HKo had been (o much your FriAtds. 

Gtr. Yes, yes, I warrant they have oUigM him at Tsru 
much more rhan any of their Mafieis did. WdU, there OmU 
be no more faid againll the Freneb Foot-men; 
. - -A^f. Non de Orade-—- you arc alway tuxntsg the Nati- 
on Frmncez into ridicule, dat Nation fo accom^i^ Azx Nation 
which you imitate, fo, dat m the conclulion yoo butfe tum 
yourfeirintoiidiculemay Toy; if you are for de raillery, abule 
the Dtaclfy why not abufe the Vuteb f les eiofle Villaines, 
Pandars, Inibtmts i bat here in youi Engiiua may foy, you 

hare 



i^6 ^Jie Qe»ttm0tl5iMciifg'MaJiet^i 

have rttore Iioneut, rcfpede, and cftimation for die Da&S 
Swabber, who conoe to chat your Nation^ den for dcFrancb- 
Fpot-man,. who come to obli^ your Nation. 

Mart. Our Nation! then youdilbwnlt foryOurs, itfecms. 

Monf. T/tfell! wjit ofdati are you the difobligee by date ? 
' Gir. No> Moniieur, &t from it ; you cou'd not dilige ta^ 
not your Country any other way then by difowntng it. 

MoiiJ; It is de -Brutal Country} n/hidiabiife dcRanei and 
Kvcrence the Dv/br i I will maintain^ fufiaint ttai jufii^ iat 
mtUttlt'Franeb'FBot'tnmbaverMon^vtUT^ ctmra^y md ge- 
nerojityt more good hloeJ iit his vsineey Mmm^mortgc«dm^tn- 
ntri «!' civility Jtn all Je State-General together^ Jamie— *-J-5 
dey are only wife and valiant wen dey ate druokce. 

G*r. That is always. 

Mmf. But (ky are never honefle wen dey are dninlctt} 
dey arc deonty Koguc in de Varlde, . who are not hptiefte Wen 
deyaredrunk^ oiayfoy. 

Ctn 1 find you are welt acquainted i#tib.'them, Moidiet^. 

Mmfi Ay, ay, I have made the touie of Holland., but it 
was en poite, dac wasno-Aayingfor meteflenon— -fiwde 
' Gentlenian caif no more-live dere den de Toad in Irlani, mr 
foy j for I did not fee on* Chevalier in de whole Cuntree : al- 
ways 3<m bmv, Je Rthtl bate itpiu d* quality > bcfidrs, / 
tad fM^ib fuffcimt . etffroatim of the Canailt karhsn de firfi 
iiighne «f n» arrival at Amjierdamme* I did viftym m^ 
kpew omefdi Pr^ie^ afde State General^ » whom i badtf 
totmjtend^um from En^and, anddidjmd bit ExetUtnstV^ft 
ing Soft^ Jamie ha, ha, ha. 

Cert Wri^in^Sopc! 

Mmf, Weighing Sopc> niay foy, for he was a whde Sale 
Chandelecr, and Us Lady was taking the T^k of Chandia 
wid her own witcr hands, ma Iby, ud de young Lady, Us 
Excellence Dua^iKts ftrmgii^'Haning, ftnngit^ Hairing) 
Jamie r— ■ 

Gtr. So h — and what were his Sons doing? 

Monf. Auh tusSon Cfbr hehad butonc) wfsftiakbl 

de Touic of Frstut^ EffaigtUy Italjt an* Germany tit a CtMch 
andCx, 01 lader now 1 thiik on't, gone of an EmbaRy 
hider to dcic Maflcr Cnmwell, whom they did love and fear, 
bccad&iK was fame di^de greater Rebel, bute ntm It^kc^ 

de I 



tie Gtntkmu D-alii^-iltJter: x^f 

dc Scbllk, none but Ic Bcbel an km dc BebHe, ud To 
midl for you and )6tv Friend the 27«^, ]11&ynooioie,and 
pajrdoyoa&ynomoieof myFricnddefrjiK^, not fomulh 
as of tny Friend ttwl^^MefFaot-insn -- da ' ' 

Gir, No, no i hoc, Monfieur, nattr pn tan leave to id- 
mhe elkc, tbat In ttute motiths at Tmt you coold tenouncc 
yoiaLAgaasei Drinking, and youtCountty (^wl)ichwe 
atenbc angry wtdi yoo^ as I Tatd, and ctme home lb peifeft 
a Ame^nian, thacthe dicyinen of your Fatfaasown Biei^- 
honftwou'd be ready to knock thee In tHe head. 

Mtmf. Vel, Td, my Father ms a Mtichant of his own 
leer,. astheNobkfleoCfl'mi of their own Wine: bntlcan 
fbegJTcyon ihat Railletyf that Bob, luxe you lay IhaTCtht 
Eyre FrMNS. ButhavcltfaeEyre.^fVwKm'? 

Gir* Aa.oiadiia^ Frfwi-Faot^tnaiiof'cfnall. ; 

Umt. kai*al(vakfoxci)cmSmlifemAt 

©»■. Veryill, . 

i*iif, VerilaUetilent I 

6&. Veiltableniait. 

Monf. For you muA knowi 'tis ai ill bteedhu now la 
4«k gpod ag/i/', as to write (pai Ihilii', good ienb oil 
g nnd fan d; 

Gw. fiat bdeed} inethinks^ you are hoc flofcnly enough 
b aFnati-raad^ :\ 

A&ny: Sloret^! you mean aegUgent? 

Ctr. No, I ijiean florimly. 

Mny: Thenlt>il][bemotelloiraily. 

Gn. You know, to be a perftA F^ewf-lllan, yoii liwS 
beeer W Glent, tlent fit ttiU ind neM be dean. 

iMw. BUyouhawfolgol.oJieillimqualiikitioaof ilrue 
t^nki-nioi heflkaild never be (band, thatis, beeetypockie 
too; 

Uh/: Ohl ifdatbeall, lamniypoiU!', FDcMeenoMN 
Jamie, that is the only Aaxl qualitaltion finybelul wiOt* 
borgpingto Peri#, noafby. 

SatereWaib; 

![(!>>>. Here area conpleof ladies teeiagti^ to yoi(&;, ' 

Oir. Taos I didyoUappoiiitanirietencliilhn.ilAKiii? 

Mart. NocL 

ev. Nor, yoOgMaitfitv! 

iliHIMeer S . i^. 



3^8 VnQ^iemmJXmeim'^fi'r:. 

0tri ^mb»itAyaitfM>6etiy he cannot penqftniftNiK 
tbe ConQibte andtbeje inUiueht<:aukA)> *its not iHoMfe Roc 
ns. ■■ ■ ■ ' ■ 

Mart, Tdl ^Wi you bafc no faodf it ihc Juuft, tadOq^ 
the dons.-' 

ffiUf. TlKy'D'ODtlK'^'^J wth th«« tfwy^ t«edt D|Ka 
the^door, they feafEh'J'ha ^ht all over the Bode fu Wf 
Lo^ ^%fk, and Sir J^try Jamei, who meic 6bi tt> hide 
tbcoifHvasin-tiK&r immUht my Mifo«ifis Chttt and Bsttiooaii. 

Mtnf. WatdotheWooKfllMntiiiltlheJiicnibiiow-} 

rMMTti Ar. ay, thkies an aWd fince^ yoo went to Psrisy 
thnt'sfaaidlyayoui^MUiliD Itxmduts be kooWn ofUs 
Lcd£^ for 'em. 

Gtr. BailiBs, J^msfimnCi, w i Ciiy*Gon&ib1e «c inoM 
people ia compa^bnofihan* . 

Jiitfrr. And Me aic ntt lb oodb Afittkt to lie tftlon jv 
Watch, as by the Hearing nudnight KatnUfiS tif Bean 
Women. 

Monf. Jamie. -ha^ ha, ha. . ,. 

ij^ar. ^Wbcfc aw.<h(y i I tiepp.thff'aregoie ^«l! '. 

tli^jtf.iKo, Sir, ^ OR below^ ^ Stuirfaot, Qidriweit- 

ing at thai Coich-maiu 

far. Cofte, yp^l^gw^dMy«tfi:m£ce,«itbyQuWaiEen 
no Gchtlcoian can come hither, but they hwc ifac hltdli* 
gcrce ftraight. 

ff^ait. Intelligence firom us. Sir, riiey QiaiM ^Wtt AAe 
here ifwecou'd help it. J WB&rfiwtvifh '«cncho|k*d when 
w^lce.then)cpmierid rfor th^hring Jach'gpodAoandis'ban 
St. Jtmes's ParK,^ jw, lanhlieg ab(^ in the &ect8,;ib«t ive 
):^QD^ W^MCTf have bQt a Ut kft; 'tis waUJf inect^kcep'our 
money ifipuv Pockrtf for Vm j t amfwl Ihik pit^ finwotMi 
and (ix pince in half Crowns for Coach hire at fcvaal times iot 
a^.tl» ,d«<tkh'd-tv^£lf^, Kid!wh(UtIjidtV:hd6z.1i«gPi 
on«nwrlHBgin W,.Ql«)ffii«r^ flw,Jtid :me |tayfaf.ftl&iQC 
flic bad no money : but 1 wanted thft'Oowmeafg^joUhnsn* 
btridcsthe Lord that kept ,4lct,'v«»lood 'Customer to out 
^°^^:^ tfl.^m^iaa^ Iwjle .a'fjflnfimocet«(^ wnmg- 

Gtr. ArnanoiHonour! ' ,l ^i .j ■ ■ 

Mtnf, Vcrtandblcu, pleafcnt; filitf tfj ff»Y%.M -^ . 



. The Genikmatt D^Kciufg-Tliaftir. x^-p 

Ger. Go, ff>, Sitnb, (hut thedooir, I hear 'eni coming up* 
fTMit. iDdccd, 1 daienoc > tficy'fl kick mc down flaiis, if 
Ifbould. 

Gtr. Go jeo, Rafcal, I fay. 

(The Waiter flMt tbi doer, 'tis ibmP *fe« «f *«, e»f o- Floua 
<m^ FlifC Of VioMdt^ ^rikitifiht Waiter, tmd come up to 
tbeTmhU. 

Ger. Thunce and Tlirt upon my life* i M/c/r. 

Ladies, lam ftnry you tiaVMioVbliinfMrsinfOti'rSef vice* 
this is meci piefling. and argues a gicat necclTity you have foe 
men. 

Flotm. Yob need not be afraid. Sir, wc will ufe no violence 

to yoU, you HCnot'litfotOMSfcrvic^ ? weknowyou— — 

Flirt, Ttw hot Sciviccyoutiivc \xtti in iomm\y, mikcs yoa 

unfit for ouis now \ befide!^ you begin to be fomethiitg too old 

^lUtWeaiefor thebriks tfcizaVo^fevtmeeriot tigiiian. 

Ctr. N^, fabh, 1 Itn not tod old yet, but ir] old acquam- 
tance wilt ttiake jiny taan old'; bdides, to tdt. ycu'theuuth, 
you an come alittle to catly forme,' for I am not'drunk }Ct % 
W,\ ^re aicyourbrisk young tneawhoarc always diunk, and 
perhaps have the happinc^ not to know ) ou. 
FUunt The h^iptneft not to knott us .' 
tUrt. The bappinere not to Iffiow as .' 
Gtr. Be not angry, Ltdits } 'tis tather happineti to have 
pbi&K to CottiCi tlian to havfe-it paft, and therefore thtfc 
Gentleniea are happy in ne(know4ng you. 

Mart. I'de have you to know, I do know the tadies too, 
aodfitvill not^fo&thctionoaiofthc L^ies acquaintance for 
any thing. . . .-.-^ r. 

FUm. Not for the pleafuie of b^inning an acquatiitmce with 
us, as Mt.GtTrard fays: hut it is the general v^nif. of yoU 
Town-Fop» to laydiitn to all good dcquaimatice sfii pcifons 
of Hc»iour4 yoH cannot let a ■ Woman pafe iti rhe ^W/ at 
midnight, but dam you, you know her ftrait, yoi| know her> 
but you wou'd be damn'd before ' ycAi wou'd Uy tb much for 
OK In a McrcAsShop. - '. 

Ger. He has ^ken it in a FrMc^-houfe, where he has very 

good credit and I'darc teear yoQ-may make him eat his words, 

Mtuf. She docs winr a Gown indeed : Ihc H io her dHli- 

S X : ' - abilV 



a 60 7^ OentUmM Dmdng-MajUr'. 

abiliee, ttus dKhatuttKjis agreatModcin £ng/«n^t CheVVio* 

men love jchc diQiabUics as wsH as the meni nti ioj. 

(Pttpii^ miiUr her Serm^. 
riirt. Well: if we dlouM {bT and (u^ wtthjoa, 1 wat- 
tant yoH wou'd bo bragging of it to moncnv.amobgft you* 
Comiades thatfwbadjtbcCompanfoftwoVVoaienof Qot- 
litj at the Frttub-haxki and name us. 
Mm. Pleafant Jilts. .<^J^. 

Ger. Na upoi our Honours, we would not br^ (^ yoas 
.Company. ,- 
i\f0fifr. Ujiion your Hoiuuis ? 
A*»rf, Npfeith. 

Fleiu. C^mc, we will ventarc to fit down then : yet t 
know the vanitf of jou tocn* you cou*dDDt:coatainyoiu 
leWej from bracing. 

Gtr. No, no.' yeu Women tiowadays have found out the 
pleaCiire of bragging, andwill allow U th« men no longer* 
. Mmti. 'thacfotc indeed we dare not lUyto Tup n^diyou > 
for you wou*d be fure to tell on't. " 

Ger. And wc arc fooa^ men who flaod upon oar ReputS' 
tions. 
Fhm. You are rcry flealiint, Gcntleniieib 
Mart. For my part I am to be man-y'd Aoftly, and know 
'twould guicUy come te my miftreflb's car. 

Ger. And for my part I muA gp viiit to monoW mcsata$ 
betimes a new GtyMiflrc^ and you know thc^ ve as h> 
quUilive as ptedfe in the City. 

ftirt. Come, come ! pi4y leave this (odUn^ ; fit down agcn* 
and tec us bcipeak Supper. 
Ger. No 'nith, I dare not. 
Mart. Bciidei, wc have fi^ii'd. 

KoKi*. No matta, we only defiTe you fiioa*'d h»k in)> wbile 
we eat, and put the gUfs about^ or (q. (Ger. mtd Mar. fffir 
Flirt. Pray, Rty. togantf. 

' Gir. Upr>nmy Iffcldarenoti 

Flmn^ Upon our Honours we wtU not tell. If you aic in 
earaeft. 

Gtr. P'fluw, p'ftiaw 1 kiiow the vanity of yen Wo- 
men, you cou'd not contain ytiur fetves&om brag^ng. 
' Monf. Ma foy / is it certain .' ha, ha, ha .' hark you Ma- 
. ..-* dam.' 



IteQtfillmmDMeiiig-Mafitr: a«, 

!r"i.?"!! '°"^?^''.'"' J"" "■»" "y Ro.ft.m«t> 

Toull Ipal ycui Tndt b; bnggjng of ^oui giins, 

Tbt fitent Sow CMad m) does at moft Grains.——— 

da . 

Ftirt. YourScmnt, MonGeurFop, 
Film. Nay, faiths donoceo, wewUI nomorc tell— — 
V«!/: Then yod wouU of a CIa(^ if 70a had it, dal's the 
only lecret you can Itecp Jainic. 
Mfrt. I am glad- wcaie rid of theic jilts. 
Ger, And we have ta][en a vety tujicujat;! occaflon. ' 
Mnf. W|it I nuA wc leare (he Lady then, dis is dam 
CinHty £■%/»* tnon Syf. 

flirt. Nay, Sir, yon ha« too much of the i*«w» Eyre to 
IukG) little honour and good breeding. (fMimUmttck 
itmf. Dee yontinkctothenfwcet Madam, Ihavcmafliof 
de Pftrub Eyre > 
Fiift. More then any Fineb mail Iwathing. 
AAm/^ Auh, you are the curtotlcbamc, qioit-blcu, I (hall 
(lay then, if you think £>. Kfonfi^ur Gtntrd, you Will be 
certain to fee the Lady to momw, pray not forget, ha, ha Ju, 
Gir. No, no. Sir. 
Afyrt* Tou will go then i 

Gtr. I will go on a Foob Errand for once. {ExttatGet- 
Ffaw. What will you eat. Sit? {rani W Martin. 

Mitf. Wat ybo pleafe, Madame. " 
Ftun Dehear, Waiter, then fome youne Partridge. ' 
ir«/i. Whatelfe, Madam.' ' 'o ^ 

Kin. SomeRuiFa. 
»'<>f. Whatellc, Madam' 
Ftirti Sq^ young Phea^ts. 
(Fiit. Whatelfe, Madam? 
Fliii. Some yoiutg Rabits, IbveRablts.' 
»U. What elTe, Madam I ^ 

Flmi. Saj- , ■ ■ 

Mmf. Dis Ei^S»' Walter i^hlswal elfc, Madam, will 
nine me, tell^, not]. C-ffiJe' 

W.*. Whatelfe, Madam; 

Mnif. Wat elfe, MaSam, agen .' call no the Rmci Wai- 
let. ' ■■ 

'^.1;;. Whatellc, M«hm? 

S 3 M„f. 



26% The GentkuMu Dtuutttg'Mj^]" 

Menf. Again, cal! up the French Viakec of QveMtx^ mxM' 
teftc, vcntcrc, Vitc,— — Auh, Madam, tfac.ftiipidity (rf the 
£ng/H',Waifi:r»I hate ihe £»£/(/'' yVaitEt,iitsn foy^Eu ff^MUr, 

Flirt, Be not in piffion, dear M6n&ur. 

J^nf 1 ki&yoUT hand cil{ligcanl;e| • Abdani.;; 
Eaitr AFtertd) Scu!^m. 

ChwePierot, Snvitcur,,SeMlt«uri (Ki£h the Se$iSm. 
. or ca a mangat, ' ' . , .,.,.■, 

Scull. En voulez voiis de C^api Sdugiila.. 

Floun:Y.^ . ^,.- :...■. -•. >' .. ..'. 

* SfW/. fic Paittifc, d« Fity/aq, dc .Q««tIeW . . , 

Monf. 'this Bougre vil mine me top, but he fpnlc wU ikC 
ht\ Eyre and ^ace* , 1 cafinot ;lH(t :^ hold, his tongw, yentie, 
c'ctlafTey, ^icfbt, van^n. . ,^ . (£x. ScoU «W rtf «rw. 

^cW/.. Aii^ dc litd flate de- -7^ 

Monf. Jamie, vat-en. (Ex, ScuU. anirttwrnu 

5e»//, And dcUttl plate de -T-—T- 

Moi<. Ce Efface go dy'vwy.,. , (E*. Sculj. jji^ /iflirw. 

Scullf An^ dc litel de , 1 , i, i , . ;, 

Af*»y: pe F6urtn*g£, ,. de Bye, .vrtrO^ . ^ gtv , 

jj^win, VVhaf's.thatCheefe that ftinks?,..: ^.i , 

Manf. Ay, ay, bcfureit flin|{ccxtit<ncti^,.,I^frat nt-en; 
but i^y. till Idtinkdy ^l^b^^hfrc's tg 4#t (ffKty f'clbw's 
health, Ma3?W. ,. ij, ,.■ - ' '■■•■ ' ■■' 

Flirt. Miilt we drink the Sa^ions heal^ ?,;...'. 
' Afoo/.' &uh, you will not, at (|iroblimi^t^;jkiadani> hes 
the Quifiniet for a King/nayj for a. Ct^n^fy^i^ AlixM. 

FkiM. But how [hall wc divcrtifc ouc relye» till Supfci be 
ready i _.,. ^ . ■ ;;. 

. Fiirudn we have better E)iverti{er9en|)^thisCfnt)eiBaii? 

Fiona. But I think we^^.bctfercarrytheG^lennnboinc 
with us, and beopfe it is already lati^ Tv^at ho^c, and diva- 
tifc the GentlcnBl at Cards, till it be rciii^ iy fow* V Vai- 
tcr, let it be hrou^t whm ^u je^y to,crw li^g^ hti'd by, 
in Mu/Iari^Mey, at the SignoftheCrwi^i-S^rt.'. . 
■ iAouf: ftt the CreoKed-BiBet .'' . . ' . ; . '. . 

Bfrt,. Cotpr, Sir, ctunc, . ■'.''.'.' 

7tifa»/. Mort-blew, I have tak« the Vow'((incf my laft 
Clap) never to go again to the Bouidel. . , - ■ 

fleun. 



3i< <3aitieiftm Dttn^g-Mafitr. %6^ 

PlMii.WfatteltiBBtH«lel.^ . ' 

Mmf. How call yoB the Qamc of your Heufe? 

FJirt, TixCmkfJ-iHUt. 

Mmf, (lov w>j the Bawdy-hpKlc. vert aad bleu. 

Ffamm. Hqw,.oui Lod^ngl we'd hxvc ycu to know - - — ^ 

Manf, Auh, idoe bleu, IwouM.not know it, dc Creoked- 
SiBet, hah, ha. 

Flirt, CotUt 3b, - t . ; . . 

A^mf. BcRdes, if I go wit you to (he Boiffdelj jaa will tell, 
moTfrblue. " ' ';...;-- 

Flout, fW, fie, conoe along. 

Mm/. Beftdie^ r^ttfbetitttvfa.wiiMiitli^fWDeiayai-if 
you Cwu'd-tcll now. 

Vlitt, Caaae^ cbnirdot^- w^WflVnot Mi 

MSmfi But irilfyqirptDTriw tben-tebavtthrcaie or tny bo- 
■^OU^s Pny» good Mahm, t^*pc dc care of my hoMuir, pny 
have (fccarc trfmy hoi)cur. VViH-you have care of my.hoiaMir .' 
pttf have db <ttte of my honom, and do tux tell; if yoii can 
littpit) prar* dear M^daim, do not tdl. (/Oiuelf:M''tm. 

Flirt, f woa'd not epHfor fast of lo£i^ you, ai; Lov« foi 
yon wilfKiaketneftdtt. ^ . 

/Wiw/. Why, doyontoveme?' 

I'fifY. Indecl I cannot help tcUag jtcu now whit m^' nto- 
ctefly (wght to qnceal^ but my eyes wou'd diTclofe it top^! I 
hive apofen fat you. Sir. 

Mmf, APaiSonforme.' 

F/irt: An exfreampaffiioi^ (leuSfr,'f(iii9itfoFnMvii fo 
mighHlyFrei^cift, fo ^rceableFraBciE'i tntVfftol) youniftie of 
mjhearratHotnc: Gomealen^ ' • ' 

iV«»y^ But is you pation (incerc ? ' - 

Biri. . Tbe traeftln-thfe V'^siM. 



Ma^VeU riterr;1¥^[Kn^'iny boir witrtttec for oac night. 

Eiirt. ^or one pi^f » 'don*t you Mllct«> 'that-, and (b t9u 

' WDu^d ieave Rie to nibitoV', but 1 tdvevwCo, I'casBCilbparl; 



witbyou, TOumufrkrtpitacfjr^oodirtiali, if you wHtUwe 
niir.- tah*tlwrt ybii f^ my heart.' ' 

Manf How, keep, ^Br, dt VVhort £«(./(J* haw ntjt- 
Ijpge but Ifeepe, kccpclii deie moutbsYioiva dtys tcfte dap : 
KHtQctlr'Cwveno^ghcfo'lpiepde'niild^ 'ttay)tey. 

Ftfrt. Na)r,fi^'[jeBi!pt,tlfc^^^bptconBewe'H*Ifc 
on*iathomc S4 M*'" 



1^4 ybtOtKtkmmiyMeiffg-Mdftr. ^ 

Abu/. Umb — V- (6t fit, ver vd de AnKxitc of de WCt 

docs alway end in kttp, ha.' keep, ma for, keep, ha* » ■- * 

li 1^1 ii^ Hop mbf maktt the Intntttion, 
Jtymn^^f ttbiifmlmOmaum. (fir, 

t, - / '' • — 

ACT n. Scene I. 

Stfff Don Diego « (Ar Spaniih Hito/ Air/. Caution £u ^Q^ 

Dm Dk^. TTA V E yoo had a ^(mm/I^ can ofdie Bonoui 
X.1, ofmyFamay ? that is to lay, hate you kept 
upmyDuighier dole in my abfencc, as Jdticdei? 

Cjitf. 1 have. Sir > but U wa$ as mudf as I couM do; 

Dm. Iknewdutifoi'twasas tm^has Icou'd dotoke^ 
up ha Mother. I that havtbeeit^5|ytw, loolfyoa. ; 

GoMt, Nay, 'fisa hvdTask tokcep up an£iM/i/b W^t»nao. 

Tkn* Ks haidosit is for thofc who are not Kept t^ to ^ 
hoiieft, k)ok you ccm LieentU Sifler. 

CsHf. How novr, Brothcn; I am Cut trq Husband ocva 
keptraeupt 

Dfi. 1 knew that, therdoK 1 ciyed am lietatM Siflo, a| 
the SptmarJi have it 
' taut, hat yoaSfmnidrJtxit too ceaConous Brodicr. 

Dm). ,You £ffg/^ .Women, Sitter, give us too oiuch caufe 
n^ok joaj but you aic futc mj. Daugutz has not &en a mm 
£nce tny departure f 

Csiu. No, not lb much as a Chtncb-tnan. 

Dm. As a Ouircb-tnan (r<M«).Itbankyoufoidttt, not* 
Chuich-man ! nota Churcb-tnan.' 

' Cam, No, not Tq much as, a Chi;rch-man i bat of any, 
one wDu'd think one Plight tnift a Chuidi-tnan. 

Do». No, we arc boM enough iri trufting them wrirft our 
^Is, III never V(uA cm w^ the body of m^ Daughter, look 
m GMorJa, yoa fot what comes of truftmg Qiuicb-nicn 
iKK fa) England 'y and 'tis becauTc tt)c Women govern tbc Fa- 
IBiltcs, that Chaplalai ^ (c) iQu^ ii;t ftfiiipo. uuil 9 (^hur^ 



p Bfi -. "^ .. » mA a Cpvud with 7t»r boixnr, a Fbol, with 
ygu ieaet, aGamefla widi yam purle, mOkr asaPneft 
withywtt Wife mDau^ucr, look foUjGiwrV*, lamooFool, 
look you. 
Cmt* Nay» IkDOwyou.aicawUetaanBfoiher.- 
Dm. Why, SAcr, I have been fifteen years u SftmJot.it, 
at Icrenl tioKif Uxk you: Now in Spaut be is wi& cnoudi 
fhat is grave* politick enouEh, that ^ys little, andhonouraUe 
enough that is )calous * and ibot^ I lay it, that (bould noc 
^y it,I am as gttTc,gnim and )alous,a9 znySfsniard bfeaihin^ 
CtMt. 1 know you aie, Brather, 

Dm^ «4 I will be a SfsaUrd in every thing ftUI, and 
wiltiut cbntorjif, not I, to their ill favqut'd Bt»l^ Osttonti, 
for I will Wear my Spamip? HaUt Ail), I will ftr^my Spmiflr . 
Whiskas ftill, apd I wiB cat my Spamjh Olio flilt; and tny 
Daughter fiiau ^a Maid to hei Husbands Bed, let the E«gi^ 
Cuftom be wtut 'twill: I would hin fee any linical cunning 
. mflnuatkig MonGcor, of die age, debouch, or ileal away my 
Draghtcr; but well hasfhe 6m my Coidin ? How long hs 
|ie been b £ivfW? 
C<Mtf. Tbcte three days. 

Cm; And the has fyaa him, has (be ? I was contented he 
fhoa'd fix h« blending him foe her Hudnnd i but ibc bs 
fccn no body elfe upon your certain knowledge f 
' Camt. No, no, alas I how Ihou'd Sixf 'tis impofltUe tbc 
pwrfd. , . 

Doa. Where Is her Chaihbct? fvaf let ^ (ce her. 
C4wf. Youll find ha, poor Cteanire« ^cep, 1 warrant 
yaai Oi if awake, thinking no hurt, nor (^ your coming this 
mocning. 

Don. Let OS gp to her, Z long to Ck iier, {nor innocmt 
yfrttth. CEtetmt. 

Enttr Hippolita, Gcnard, ^m/Prae ft a Jifimut. 
Cer^' Am I not come upon your own Summons, Madan^? 
and yet receive nw fb ? 

ISff. My Suminops, Si? nolaffureyou; an4 ifyoudo 
notli)wyouriecepti«n:,Ianioothc^it> fbrlainnot us'd to 
Kodvc- ntmi I'd have you to know. 

Cr«r. She is beautiful beyond all ihingi } ever &w. [J^Je. 

Ifof. I Uke Urn cxircnKly. lAJiA, 

■ ■■■ Ger» 



^66 Tht ^mikm^ D^Kia^M^: 

' Hiff, BaoMTc I «ti npf. 

Gir, 1 in oome on ptoj^ to ftoifr yout&df, doiM te> 
^ve me fo unkindlf. 

Hipf IntI ytMs l4dnMirffrtoteodvcaMt (fiinrhisnot 
IicaiaiMnii die Houfe befert^ &nt ni/ Ccufiir, tfnstwdrf 
foombrdhaveyoutokncw. - 

Gir. ThcH ^^ue^ to M trtcr the mote trtteome, rd 
lave yon to kAott'. 

H^; WtMtA)]i()nfflockmefc)0> IbKmlawbQtilwax- 
bicd ItiD];^ Gill i ■ but I thougftt- ^ou GaUine of thrTown 
lad been bMKtfitad, then to MOCk a jpooi Oirl ih h^Fadias 
oirtv Noofc.' f hare hmd indeed 'Us s pm of good baediog 
to ^HOekl^ofildbehiAcl their Bicks^, but not to their Faces. 

Gtr. Pretty CredtUM.' (heftaiitototily die BcanCybutthe 
Tnnoccncf of aft Angela ' C^^* 

Mock foudeafi W&! no, X onlyrrpeated the wbrds, becaale 
the? wcie ytKiv, fWfct Mifs, w*rt We Rkc we initate. 
' Mijf. Deii Mi6< Aveet NKfs.'- how cime 7011 and I b 
well acqiumtcd ? This is one of jour confident TiicksioO} as 
I have been told, you'll be scquaititdd Ivitfa a Wohiatf ' h die 
"ximpya catT hil^ her ora a BenA hi dit Pby hpufe, or to 
>Ur-Goacb: t»\ nttdnot vrotl&ttat mot GohfidetKtf, finoe 
you cou'd coiMk «t the great GtHciy- window juft now. Bat 
ipiaf whtf (Itttt^^y^ the gfafi jroatiave broken ^ 

Gn>. Pretty Ciature/ your father might have aaie dx 
Window; digger then, Gixie he h^ fb Ane a D3Ughter,and will 
~ Udtatlbw people to Come in at rh(i dooi* to her. 
-'. aiff. fiftiOiMVHn.' wen, 'rishardttpl4\ing-tfe Hypo- 
crite with him, I fee, than with my Aunt w Father; and If 
-diffimuUtfiDi wttte^'fiot Tcry na^idV toa Wbimn,- I'm fuiel 
GOu^netufcitatthistitnci but chcmaskoffimplicirif andin- 
noceitcy fe as iK^r ^ an tntriguJWg^ Woman, .^theituslt of 
*RciycHiroaSft«s-Hfln, Aiy&j. ' '-■ (Afili. 

Ctr. Why do you look awaj;, dearcrt Mifs ? 
'' B^f. &elaufi:ybaquaricll*H'wi^ me juftiiow for frowning 
"upon youi afKi-Fcanwrt hdp it, ifl'look upon you. 

Qw. O let me fee that Face St any rafc. 
^ Hiff. Weutt yiuhiTC me frown uponyouifoilAahbe 
■fuietodo't. -:-■"" ■ •■ 

■■ ■ ........Cou'ilc Ctr. 



the GattUmm Dweit^'Maptr. %Sf 

Off. Come, 111 fland hix: you have dooe your nrotft to 

my heart already. 
.H^ Now I ottc not lo(^ upon him, la& IHuidil hot be 

aUfe to keep my word. (^jKA. 

Gfr. CmiCiIwixcady, andyetlamafiaulofherfitowns. 

^ (A/Ut; 

Cdiiie>look,lIh-^teady, ln»am ready. 
Biff, ftut I am not rca^. (AfiJe. 

Get, Turn; dear Mifi, Come, Ih— — .am ready. 
HqM. .'Ate you mdydicn Mil look. (Tmmtiipim iim. 
Nft bldi>t caonot bawa apon him if t Ibou'd be t)aflg'd.f-.<</^ 

Gert Deac Uifiy I thank you, that took hai )io tgrrpor ia'U 

H^ No^ I cannot fiown for my heart fot blufhu^l dun't 
at to lodk upcm mcnj you mu& know. 

Ger. nitwctepombleanr thing cou'd, thoTcblufluswoa'd 
iddtobaBcaitfrs Well, ba(hfiilnc& is the only out-of-fiiflii- 
ooedtMngthatlsagreeaUe. . iAfiA* 

SSfp, Ih h-— like dils man firangdy, I waq going to 

(ay lov'd tiink Coungjetbeo, Hiffaltta^ make ufe.o( the only 
t>ppo[tunity thou canft have to en&anchcc thy felf : Women 
ixamlf (they iay) never knew how to ouke ufe of thcit time 
tiliitwaapal^ but let it not be. &icl (oof a young Vvonunof 
tMsAge; mydamA'dAuntWillbeftiriingptcrently; well then, 
courage, I uy > Htpf^itOt thou art &1II fourteen ycaisotd, fiiifc 
fotthylilf. - . iAfide. 

Ger. So, I have looked tipoitlicr lb kng, tilll amg^wo 
bafhfiil too * Love vid Modedy cent tog^merlikc lUoncy and 
Covctoulncis, and the more wc have the lets we can fhew it. 
I dare not k)ok her in the &oe now,nor fpeak a word. (_4fiitt 

Htff, What, Sir, roethinks you look away now. 

Gfr* Becaiilejrou would not look upon me, Mi& 

f£M. Nay, 1 hope you can*t look me inthciaoe, fiqoeyou 
haye-diinc fp rude a thing as tp i^ome in at the Window tipon 
me; 'oonie,co[iie, when once wcWooicn find the tnenbalu^l; 
^n we take heaiti liow 1 can look upon you as Icn^, at yoti 
will) let's fee if you can firown upon me now/ ' 

Ger. Lovely. Innoccncy ! Ih, ^e\^ m^ fwcar I aa\'iftosm 
upon you, Mm.' 

Hiff. So I knew you <were afham'd of what you have dope \ 
well, lincc yoa are alhani'd, and beaufe yau did not come c^T 
your own head, hut werefcntby myCoufin, you fay. Ger. 



s6J T%e Gerakntdd DoHei^-Mdfi^ 

(V. WWchlwonderaf. (JfiJe. 

Biff. Foi qll ihcic rcafons I do fbrgin you.! , 

Gtr. In t(Acn of your forgivencfe then (deitcft MHs) let me 
have the hooout to ki(s youi hand. 

' £S^^. Nay, thoe 'ds, you men zre like our little Shock-dogs, 
if wedon't keep you o^from us, but ufeyou a little Jundlyiy«( 
gfDW fo iidling and (o tiooblefome, there k no enduring yoo. 
' Ctr. O dai Mils, If 1 ^ lilie youi Shock-d(%, let'it i« in 
hii PrivilegK. 

Hif^. Why, I'd haveyou know he doesnbt lye mth nx. 

Gtr, *Tis was well guds'd, Mifs, for oiac fo irmoccot. 

fiiff- No, I always kick him off from the Bed, and tMter 
will let him come near it \ for of late indeed 1 1 do not know 
what's the ir^afon) I doii't much care for my %ock-d(^ nor 
my BaEMs. '' 

Gtr. Othen, Mifs, I majr have hopes i /bt after die Shock- 
dog and the Eabin, 'tis ttje mans tarn to beiidovM. 
' Hiff. Why cou'd you be fo good-natured as to oome after 
my Shock dog in my Love ? it may be indeed, tathcx thenaftn 
one of your Brother-men. " "''" 

G€r, Hah, ha, ha»^-po(» Creatuie,a Wwid^r of Innocency ! 

Uiffi But I ftc you are humble, becuife yba wou'd kifs my 
&and. ' " ' 

G«r. No, I ambitious dierefbif. 
c HfpJ». Wcl), all thB fooUng [»i XoSd tim^ 1 mpff tpakc tlc^ 
ter UK of It.' I oou*d let you kifi thy band) 6ut then I'm 
afnid you wou'd take hold of me and 'carry nie away. ^^Jidu 

Otr. Indeed I wou'd not. 

Hiff- Come I know you WOu'd.' 

Gtr. Truly I wou'd not. 

Hifp. You wou'd, you wou*d, I know you wouM. 

Gtr. I'll fwear I wo' trot — _ by-~. 
' Hipp. Nayi don't fwear for you'll be thcapter to doit iheoi 
I wou'd not have him tbrfwear it neither j he does not like me 
furewellenoi^h to carry me away. -' (^dfih. 

Ger, Dear Mils, let me Idls your baud. 

Stfp. I am fuTc'you wou'd carry me away. If I fbou'd. 

Gir, Benot afraid of it., 

Hipf. thy, I am afraid of die contrary ; either he difliftes 

Vie, and ttlcitfore will not be tiouhtcd with oie, or what isas 

■• •■- ■■■■■■.■ bad; 



ba^lxlcrtws in£^bdnll,orfcaifiltodi^ealcini:. {^ffJe. 

Gtr* Tiuft me, fwcctdl i I cao ulc no violence to vog. 

HiM. Nay, I am fine you wou*d catiy me away, what 
fkou*d you come In at ^ Window fbt^ if you did not mean 
toft«ilfiie? 

Gtr, If I flnu'd cndeaTooi tfj yon nugtit cty om, and I 
Qwold be uxvcnted. 

hSf^. DuU, dull man of die Town .'are alHikethct (jfSJe. 
He is as dull as a Crnntry Squfav at Qitefiions and Commands! 
No, if I Iboa'd ctj <m neret fi> loud ; this is (jiiite ac'dic fur- 
tba Old of the Houlc and dicreno body cou'd hear me; 

Gir. Iwillootgiveyoathcoccafion, Deardl. 

Hif. Well .' I will quicken tl^ fatTc i tfit be vofBble.(jt&le, 
Nay, Iknow you cometofieal ok awayi becaiife I aitiaa 
H^dsy and hare twdve huodied pound sTcar, lately leti ^ 
by my Moihen Brother, vdudimyFatha cannot tQeddibwiifa 
and whidi tatbediiefcfi icaibn (I fuppefe; why be keeps me up 
Ibclofe. 

<^' **«•' ' f-^. 

ISff. So- — this has made MtnconCdet, O money, potr- 
ttHd money.' how the ugly, old, crooked, ftraight, hutidm 
yoDng Women are beholding to thee ? 

Ger, Twelve hundred pound a year i .- 

flip. Befides, I have ban told my Fortune, and the Wo- 
roui laidi fiiQu'd be ftoln away becauic (be £ijs *tis the Fate of 
IMrcfles to be lldcn awa^. 

Ger. Twdve hundred pound a year ~-. C ^fi^' 

I£m. Nay mote, IhedeTcribed theiilantome,that wastodo 
it, ana be was as like you as couM be / have youany Bcodicn ? 

Ger. Not any .' 'twas I, I wanrant yon Swcetefl. 

Hiff. So,he underfiands himfelf now. 

Ger. VVdl, Madun, Ance *twas foretold you, what do you 
thioIicoQ't ? ^ in ifain, you know, to telih Fate. 

Hjm. I do know Indeed ther lay,'m to no purpoTe ; belides 
the vVoman that fold me my Fortune, oc you have bewitdi'd 
roe;.-lh— think. (Sight. 

Gtr. My Soul, my Lift, *tis you have Charms powtatful as 
numberiefi, c^icciaUy thole of your Innocence inefiflable, and 
do furpri(eibe-waTy*fl Heart! fich mine was, while Icou'd 
allicminc, bmttQw'ibyoHnfbicrn. 



170 Tht<3ii$tkmMfD*iui0i-X^Jhi 

Hiff. WcQ»wcll,gctrou0fDttt)en»rUIwop|t&ftlbryjour 
Uke. I 

.Ger. NaT* TOO muft ffi with mej fwectcfl; 

Hi>p. Well, I &e you will paftwith fbe JffWd ; bityooH 
have ihc kecfntig of the Cabinet to vrhidi yoa comipit if* 

Ger. CofD^ come, i»y Detnft, letuf Ncgnflr: Ftntuqc as j 
wdl as Women muft E>e taken in the humour* 

Enttr f«n nami^ b0fiify tt jf ^ *(«. Pqq IMegp and 
Mrs, Caution miWMttilj ifttr, , 

?iv.OUils,Mift.'yourFatlKf,itfi:«[nsi»{iift|iaflra!iiyM, ' 
and hae is coming in upop yoii- 

Hiff. My Father! 

Dttt, N^ I>au^tcr / and « Man .' 1 

Cam. ^ Man .' » Mjiniv ibc Hoi^ / 

Gm Ha.' -— r-wMni^wih<iit.'«£^MNr4L 

mn* WI»tfliaUI<lo^Awtr-^My, P»9jlHrBotCraa 
me>fa!t^le^nc about, ap if yqvMiMftCotwt- (X<4iir | 
(bertim. 

Dm. Is t}us your Government, Siflerj and thisywtionoeent 
Charge, chat hath not f«en ^bc &ct of a nan tUs tw<Iv^ 
month ^» ^4 DMiU. 

' CtfW. O fuie it is DOC a qwi, it cannot be a Man / CFifO 
.(nhrSff&aclti* 

Dpi. ^t-caDtiQt b^ a Man .' if he^he rat » Mi» Jb^ %I%;nIi 
|[ie "ha^ ^ loviii^f br dte h^ toO| iWr* m e/ CfV#* 

H/pp. Do not fccm ta mind thera, ont danso w^ ox karf 
rac abo^t (till. 

Oct, What dc'cm?aBtff*t? C«fA-t f*H(pp< 

Don. ^cy..''thcyaieftolick, a dancing,. 

Caut. Indeed they arc 44Kii)& I thw{i> vylhyiNkce? 

Don. Nav, hold a.tittle; t'lla^akc 'efl).dflr«c iRttw De^ls 
namei b^t il Ojall not b^UCiiiitufrJa I ii>r4vu hii Sivord, 
' Caul. ONeicc/ whyNdecc: - Cai\ft\i»:\ktUihim.) 

Gew. E>Qyoaheaxhci? wbatdoyanmi^n-^ (jif^tttHipp^ 

Him T»kq no notice of then y JUit w^Ui ^bntt ftiU> and 
lipgaliftle, (ing a Coraot. 

ftr, I sjn'c iing i butruinjRivifyw.win' 
.' i7<>9, Aic you fbmenry? WctU'|lbewithyoii»^lHrJMM/A 
, Caif. OK Niece, Niece, why Niece, Ohr^-^— 
' Den. Wh;, Daughta, my d^/ paMi^> >VT fluiDMny 
,^ fuinr. 



ndne, ntyplagiic (Stnf^Hi^ffttfnmCamionteittemarJi 

tm Wftb bi Sword dtMiim*, 

tSfp. Mbdhlqa not but 4ancc and fine oq. 

Grr. A pretty time to dance and ling inde^, when I have 

a SfaaioTdvi^ naked Toledo at my t^ : no, foif cxcyfe 

me, MUs, fiom fbolingany longer. 

Uipp. O my Fathor: npy ^thac.' po«r Father.' you axe 
wdcome pray |^ve me youi Blefflng. (Titrmag ^m. 

"Dan. MyBleffing, En borit mala. 
Hipp: What, am I not your Daughter, Sii? 
Don. My Daughter, mimal-, mmU' 
Hipp- My name's Biffoiitt-, &, I don't own your Sftntpt 
names i but .fny Father, why do you ftightm 0|tf fp.' you 
yoa know I don't love to Ik a Swwd : what do yoa mean 
to do with that ugly thing out? 

Ven, I'll (bciv you, Trapjar £m^ ' ^mn kmra, thou 
dy*ft, ^ _ ( j!i<5* *( per, 

G«r. Not if I can help it, goodZ)oiii but ^ thf nwfcf fO^ 
give me, I find y9u mUiake yput m w, J fuf^iofc fopie .>SfuiMv»-i 
nasaflrontedyou. " ' (Dr4WJ. 

pan. Non^ but thee, X«ir«s, aod ^lou dy*ft foi't^ ( Fight. 
Cant. Oh, oh, oh —— -.-help, help, help. ' 
Hifp- O- — what wSl you kill my pppr Dancing-Maftet ? 

Dm, A Ehncing-Maltcr^e's a Fcncii^-'Mancr lathcr,! tb'nk. 
But ishcyoor Dancing-MMlct ? Urpph-'-p— : 

G<r.Somudi Wit ^ Innpco^y Mere nevei together before. 

(Afidct 

Dm. Is he » E)at)dn^'^Maflei ? [ (Paufuig. 

CM(t. .1$ he a Paociiig nuflei ?. He does net look like a 
IDatKing,-mancr. 

Htfp. fitty . — ,-you.dpfi't kaijv? a pandng-mafter, jou 
have not fccn qqc thsle fhc^nqtc years, 1 wanant. , 

CaHt. t^j fatter; lxf( he docs ngt\ook Itl^e a Daoctn&ina'- 

^^- ■ 

Don. May, nay, Panclng-.tn3Rers Idok like Gcntlcn^en. 
enougW Sifter } buf he's no Dancing- tpaftcr, by drawing a Swpid 
fp btiituy i thop: tripping putjidcs of ^eutlenien '^r^ lilie Gf D' 
tlemen enough tn every thing but in drawitig a Sword, anij 
CntthfijisaGeutlananhefljaUdyeby mine. ■. (.Fight agtft- 

.i*j;p.-oh,hDid,hoa . , . ' ;.' .C^! 



27^ The Gentlemim l^^etHg-^^tfet* 

Cant. Hold, hold; pray> firotlier let's talk with tilm a fo^ 
firft, I warrant ^ 1 (lull bap him, and if he conges, you 
nay kill him > fo^ tho(il that ciinftru, dicj- laj^ ought io be 
hang'd— let's ice 

GtT. Poor Mif^/^j,I wi(hl had not fiid thb'oi^fion' ^i^ 
miring thy Wit ; I have incteafcd my Love, vrfiOtf 1 halve |o{{ 
my hopes, the common Fare of poor LovcrSt ^A0t. 

Cjut* Come, you are guilty by that hanging down of jaat 
held. Speak, are you a I>aocii^-mafler ? Speak, fpcak, a 
Datidng-mafici? 

Ger. Yes. fcMfooth, i am a Dandng-Mafter, ay, ay — '. 

Vom. How do's it appear ? 

Hipf. Why there is his Fiddle, thereupon theTable,Fatber: 

Cant* No bufie-body, but It is ncx — that is my I<kphem 
Fiddle. 

Hipp* Wby,hekntittomy Coufin JlellyouirishEs. 

Cotf. Nay, it may be indctd, he might lend it hhn, fbc 
ought I know. 

Dm. I, I, bi^ ask Uni, SiHcr, If hi be i Dxndng-maflcfs 
where? 

Ctaa. Piay.BnMher, let me alone n^tfi hiit^ I k^w iAas 
toasklum, fme.' 

Dm. Wlmwill youbewiferthanlfnay, then ftand away. 
Come, if you are a Danctngmafteti whae's yom Sduol? 
tdoiuUy aSndt. 

CoHt. Why, hell&y, miy be, hehasDc'«ia otie. 

Don. Who ask'd yon, nimble Chap ? S0 you have put arf 
Excufe in hi^ bead. 

Qer, Indeed, Sir, 'tis no Excufe, I have Ao Schott 

Cam, Well.' but who fent you, how came you hidwx ^ . 

Gtw, There T ampuzl'd indeed. {AfUii 

Csnt, How came you {)hhei» I lay? how— ^ 

Ger. Why, how, how (hou'd 1 come hithn ? 
' thn. Ay,howQiou*dhco)mehither?i9onhfsLeg|b 

Catit. So Co Qow you have put an Ezca[c io hb nead tooV 
that you have fo you have, but flay 

Den, Nay, with yooi &vour, Miftrefi, VH ask Km now/ 
CoMt. y ticks ^ but you (han't, 1*11 ask him, ud vk yot^ 
no favoui that I will. 

Den. y' fackins bat you ihant ask him, if you go that id 
look you, you Pxattle-box yot^ 111 ek him. ' Cm** 



iCTW. I wOl ai& fahnj I fljrj come. ~" 

Dop. Where. 

'dyr. What.' -.- 

Dom Minc'safllKwdqueftion.^ 

Cmm. (IffiB^swdirtwM asyouK. - ' .. . , 

Den. I^y tketi we Ihall have it^ comrj anfwer m^ whcie*s 
your Lo^lM? comt;cortK, Sit. ' 

Citwr* A miewd queflion Ind^ i^, the .Stn^egos Ainitf t 
warrant lo. 'I j ' ' for 'ds^priog^iW, yoa kudw. 

Don. MoA you make lya for him ? 

Cwr. But oomr, Sir, Mdt*sjdut Name > anTminiltotta^ 
come. .. .'^ . 

tirf)^ Hb Namc^ why '^ ah calk mattci to tdl pi) a £dik 
Name, I HOpc. > 

Cmt .' So, mill ybd idch hiAi to dwit OS ^ 

l>0M. Why did yoQ fay my qneOiontwaeinitfliRlirJ ^ 
AioRS then i ■ 

C<Mtf. And why «cn*d you tiot bt nje dft him th« qncftioii 
Aim ? bother, BtodM*, tid ^<At you liw for all your Sfm- 
^ wUSoid; Irt aiiold Womah tmkt ^discoveries, th6 jfumg 
Fdlows cannot dieat as bi any thing. IM have you t6 knoW i 
fo your old Woman ftill to gt^ out vi Inttkur, becaulc yoa 
k^M&theMdditrlbilildhaDM^etinthcOKfi: a«oidtb 
the wi&, Bvodier, 

DcH. Coth^i comtf, leave thii tattling i hihasdiOioiKiia'il 
tey Funilyy dcbaudiM iny DdJuditti, and what )f be^M ei- 
Wfe himrelf > the f^ni^ pKiT^ &y>> fikcnfts ntitber &tis6i 
Cieditois nor the tnjut'd s the wounds of flonbof mitft hiVf 
tAdodandwixibds, SiJ^^ftraml 

(Ktjfet the Cttftt ^tit SwortLMj nut tt Otftaid. 

tSff. Oh hold / dear Fattier, afid 1*0 cortfe^ all 

ber. She Will Mt Tuft, after all ('A0, 

■ iBff. MyCoiiai feht him, becai((c; aj be &d, he woa'A 
hare me recover fliy (bt)dngalktkbcfofcourWecldittt,har; 
faig inldi a Vow be wbu'd nertt miai a Wife Wh6 cb(rd aeit 
danct a Corafii 1 am ihst I wvs uA<ttiI!in£, but he wou*^ 
have him GOmi, 6yMi^ I <Mi fo be his Wife as focA ^' 70A 
iame, and dietdbrecxfieQed dbcAfatie firom me. '' < 

. iaiia. Indeed the TcfituR bobofilus, and the J%iDt#6&*4 
R aM hilj U I know hoc in Sf^M 'ds DO^ tk nA^ 

T Ad 



^7i Jk<3t»tltma'Diai^»t.M^l 

the Fate to be modi coBMu'd wht tlw Pw^ AxH h« 
I will be a Sp«Mr^ Bill ,. , . 

Hi^'' Da not you hoi him b; tail niglit he WW* loii 
me one this motniiu ? ' 

Cwt. No not I fee. If Itai^bciiMiW'am'KK' 

Ou. Inlee), Aunf, fow (pwolil. I ^ lovl aenoqr 
bils you >eiy much. Did «^j|w hqit jviv Aw^ % he 
wouMleodbMn^"!*'^ ■ 

Pr«. YeslllhefwopKlid.l. 

Hjf. tool: you then,, Aiwt. 

Von, Come, come, youaieadodnf ddFooL 
c;«,.S.,(iv«he*il<««be«!((>eww. (MMrMJhc^ 
bowdidhecomcin: lam liiie I hadtheKey»«(theUlH*^ 
wWchtinyootrai)»f<i»ii«i*'W««Wei«»Ji'»«H. 
H» ifciaipcin j#<ik<mrr<>b<Ci I nifiW' 

' cSs. It might behdeed lriiiledleniat>slnD(tUin«e 
4)ii^ aid I ve tillMiK vObyoL 

i>w. O might Ik foMwhi fowaicfixmGonnwM^ 

loolE yoM, fOM a Otenew fflrft, i ' M not tawwio 

OKnqiiaaiyiouc. 

CW^ 'iwMtBf 6o)li timow. 

A»VwiW<wi<)ihcR«nnm!h.|F<i|iA<wfK«MCaiil£ 

f£w. Yes indeed, and indeed. Father, aD the «hita> 

sii, W4 OUd, <<!> IMtM theai W Ihxchfilin 
aotaletheda>cii«-iwAeAakla<f Ifacezingyaii imit,^ 
■introail^ and feet, bgr hudlngTOui'I^ib^ lad <tdi| 
yoiir Lcigs. 

Hipf. No bideed, Fadia i I'd giro lam a BoK CD th> Etfi 
ifheAoc^d. 

£>M. Pdcelnaoeentj WeUIaakflflntentadymflntt^Jnmi 
to da^ > iince, for ought 1 luMnr, you IhaX be napry^ to 
anonpv, ac the ne^t dayjK iaithaft, bychsctkie y«u«aay 
Kcofeia Cotaot, a Suajmrad I KwV 6rs and Awe T<W 
(;ixfm too will hmcii dapaag-oifc, It AtU be fe, and 111 &e 
you dance ag felf, you fluU be iny Ghaige ditfe Iwo.dty^ and 
(hen I ^ veniuittyouiaelie haad o(.«Jiy'diqaig4i«flci4fai 
a ^wcyFref^^ dancin{^.«aftar, IflOkyeu* 

CmlrXlili, bai>ca«EcAwgbi forthisiallitim dMt'd 
like a (j^ng-m^eib 

Vm, 



3m. Go, gg, (OH lioK, Ire thfi not ,(foi thcmoft prnj 
bctlciibcls'd and pnodotA^n mini iigooilGaillciian? jroii 
woi'diievttlArnl. inn-drwAwnn-TT- . 

Ca«. We), I%<nl|looktat, l<x>kt<>\ 

Bm Her, hay ' w**, F|lad,l9 KW bas'gtfii tqach hor, 
IwLc&nevKiAiiv Itt^sliw. 

MM, Com^tUln. 

Dm. Come, cxm, Ita Sa jmtEV'iP' *lKliiA I nndn- 
aapd tamliiiig of Dimiitg •» Wt^cmi*. 

f%. COK, Mafler. 

Gi>. I IhaB bOragt yM yK< dwcft MI& ^ I.lnow if>t a 
Sill, i«/dn>Ki4h(n. (<;ifrc«« ei(>p 

J«K^ N»J - . 

An CoaeiOintiGMId' 

iBto. I|ijKill'iiiaei»'d, Fafhtf.^ ; 

Dan. Yon nwfi not be alhuii d, ChUd, ys/ali Ixia iMt 

H^ Indeidlcanthdliit^Fathcr, 

Cm CotBtiixinc, l&i, gl>K>t> . . 

Mm. btiMlmi\ tlfim, blfq<c;ooi 'tisrafniAUt 
fcn, a«i) I Ihilldo k t> ill: Put. gnti Fatho, go^into the 
imiU«ii <)» this oKcoid iheiKM ticcsii MaGacnnq. 
)au Jul fa I Oall ho eontidtnt gmugt. 

l>«i. Pooc-fooBOi-innocent Cieatuiei well, well, I will, 
0>lii> «lioliiitaMn*lsjixlofari<n<s<i4l^ye(oV>"°- 
ciMiDaoglwi, hagl«»<r well I w»'d bin fee an; one 
Onl tt dohnKk <■; Daiihm from i», 

Mmi Naj, wiM?t»o«gft Fwllei! 

ZkS. Yet, rn, |ieo,ehiU,wc«ilUUg»bw]raiiMaid) 
MttcndincolsbeeyotvMaid. v 

1%, Yb, »>( f Utat, « M»id at raoft timet ynib ha Mi- 
IhdiVnoMr. tii*. DiegoW «•(■ Cawion. 

dr. Hi retp 1^ « tha ifaol . ;. 

»». Nay, Fa*«r, jon peep, mdeed yoi> m)ill not lee ine, 
«kniw>ha>ed«yiwMainKin. isUfJliikdmu. 

fn. bdoed litde Mlbeis, likii the young Kitten, jnu fa 
)poopljT'dwid\«»it»My,tajoohadataioaloaitl 

f^. 'Tis true a good old MoirolUlc irot, had i» (akn npb 
ininn anor wkh itfttfanly. 

9m. Utmm adoK too, deatiA Hi& agdgl'elaM-^ 

(Caiig »«««'•«'''• 



7^6 TUQentkman DMeing-Mt^ef. 

Hiff. No, noj cmbncing'good Mf. ^at CMghtto be did 
lad Lrtfon you are to ftach «w, I h»« hcaid. 

Gtr. Though m-atifciOadiebetheltiofetcAoas and d 

■ Tous; 'tis won, Miit, withthe more honour and plealiiie » 

■11 that 1 rcpCTit we were' put to't ; the coming in of your Fa' 

therashedid^ was thcmoil unluckly thiagthat ever bdelin& 

Hiff. What, then you think I would nave gone with ydu. 

Gtrt Ves, atid wUl yoa go with me yet} I hope, coixage, 
Mi&, wc have yet an oppoitunlty, and the Gallery-window ti 
yet open, 

Hiff. No, no, tfTwcnt, I would go foe good and alii 
but now my Fathn will foon come in ag^in, and may ^uidUy 
ova uke us, bclides, now I think on't, you aic a Stiangcr to 
tDc. I know not where you live, nor whidier you mi^i cu- 
ly xw'i for ought 1 know, you n^tit be a SpJnt, and cany 
me to Btrbadoes. 

Ctr. No, dear Mi&, I would cany you to Canity tbc V\xf- 
Houfes, and HiJt-fark-- ■ ■ — 

Hiff. Nay, 1 know 'tis the trick of aH yoa fbtt SpiHt Wo* 
siciiaway to/pcak 'em mighty fair at liiltr bitf when you 
have got *cm in your Qutchcs, you carry 'cib into 3^i/We, 
Watitf 01 ConwaUt which is as bad as to Barhadaut and n* 
tha than befcrycd fo, I would be a Pib'ner b JJndn^asX 
am. 

Ger. Ifte the Air of this Town, without the plcafiucs of it, 
is cnou^ to iafeft Women with an avcrlkn for tbc Country* 
Well Mifs, {ince it fectnsyou havcfiMDcdifidenccb mcj give 
me leave to vi(it you as your Dancbig-nnficr, now you rave 
honour'd memdt tbeCharafikr, anduDdcrdut, I may have 
your Father's petmiilion to iee you, till you imy betta know 
me and my heart, andhavcabetteropportunityto reward it: 

Ihft, lam afraid, to know your heart, would legdi&i 
great (leal of time, and my Father intends to marry nir, very 
fuddenly, to my Coufin who fent you hhhcr. 

Ger. Pray, fweet Miff, letasmakethcbettetureof ourtine. 
if it be fhon -, But how (hall wc do with dut Coulin of ysun 
in the mean time, wc muft nccdi chstra bim ? 
- Ihff, Leave that to me / 

Grr. Bat what's worfc.' HowOall I beafaktoafi « D»- 
dag-Ma&T > w^ era wintcd i«<initinn aid ntieDce co 
kammylclf. f^ 



TbtGen^mm Duxewg-MMJler. 977 

'Hlffi A Djtedng'&faool, in half an hour, wiHfumiOiyoa 
wirfa tcnns of the An. BcfidcSa Love (as 1 have bcaid lay) 
f ^filkt Ui Skhriaft mpk all fort»i6f C^acitics they luvc need 
ofiii,Qg^t of Natun, bat what hu Lovcito do vfui\ you ? 

Gir^.Vmtt indeed, has made a grave Gouty Scaiefnian 
figfuOuclSl the Sotddfirr Aye ln»n his QcJours,a Pedant a Hnc 
Goitlcman * taji and^dic vny LM^cr a Poet, iiod thacfoit; 
may mike me a Dandng^Maflcr. 

J£;^ If be woe yout Mafiet. ' 

Geri Vai foie, deaieft Mils, there is nothing ellc whidi I 
onnoc do Sot ycHi alindy, and-thcNforc may hope to fuccctd 
itithaL 

Bn$tr DonVkffi, 

Dob, CotDT, haveyoudone? 

ISff, O! Hy Fatheragen. 

Den. Come, aOw let us (ee you Dalnce. . . 

|£^ Indeed, I atn not pcifed yet, jxayexcufe tne till the 
next time my Nhflct comes : But when muft he come agen, 
Father? 

Don. Let me fee, Friend, you cnud needs come aftet Din- 
ner iffo, and Oien at Night agpn, and b> three times to tnor- 
rowtoo. If(behCD()t.nun*ydtomMrow(wbich^amtocon- 
fidcc of ) (be will dance a Corant in twice or {hrice teadiing 
mor^ will (he not ? Foe 'tis but a twelve-tnooth Gnce Ak came 
from HkI^ School 

Gtr. We win loTc no time, I warrant you, Sir, if flic be to 
benairy'd to mcvrow. 

Doii. Truly, Itlmik,fliemaybe marry'dtomotiow, there- 
fbie I would not have youlofc any time, look you. 

Gtr. You need not caution me 1 warrant youj Sir, fweet 
Sdiolar, youi humUe Servaat, 1 will not fail you imtnediatcly 
after Dinner. 

Dn. No, no, pray do not, and I will not (aH to &tis6e 
you very well, look you. 

Hipp. He does DM doubt his reward, Father, for his patns, 
IE you {hou'd not, I wcNt'd make that good to him< 

Dm. Coax, let us go in to your Aunt, I mutt talk with 
yoaioihic^edicr. Child. ' [Ew.Gcr.Don. 

' ISfp. 1 ioUow you, Sir. 

T5. ' ^ - ^..-..^,.iVi^ 



27? tht fienHmu Dmti*g-lf>pr.- 

YOU, Mifhe&. / „ .:. ^ . 

' HJpp. aie'sOTiK, Bif ftea« rt{K«»WfilgA«BO» 
Songfc limfcWi right, liBWteiK^fpi'niS)** WD& 

"°Miaain.>ticSfmilt»i*M«>''«lH*6>« »f theSoegrou 
fong 1*, the Tietv So*g>e*^ ««P IntW' ' Sri la • 1«K tt 

■*""• SINGS.:; .: 



Since wt fmpvijh Women hmif 
Oiir mtn m <^nn» jpw*^ Ai cbatftt 

To him we l^t» w%j fay vft «•■'? 
And hetb ear time mdLovir left. 

frttbfti^n*drej)utfitt anBdilayi; 

A lavt^i Affhtt we pill ; 
And if toe hnjrtbt Gallant jlayit 
■ Hii .fiemacl^igpTie far good Mid all. 

hrOurimiatieiitamS-BUsGiiePi, ' 

Andrdiher'ihahfiayfor a FrUff, ' 
Take up with fame cearft rea^f i^tnU 

IFben epportwiiiy is iinJy 

l^t-prtufcatW^imaniefiteii- ■ .- 

Ail4 V '*' Hf" ^* ^^ y^^^¥^ ' 
TfllitfeMjoiimiiilky ne'nltfiim,gO- 

The Match jofn ofgJeis hap$y .ft^lf., ■ 

Far inly Love has there to do i 
Let no 'Bse\ marry ^gti"^ ^ wiU^ 

But fiottd ojf, trbtn htr Fartnti »ae. 
And only to tbiir Suits be coji, 

Fer^ewbom y^ynturt tsHi^ldiih 
To lit 4 Fop her Bed tnjay. 

Is hut a laipful ff'tficbfor gtht. 



FM. Yooi Father alls &» yM(Mift> . ifitfttithf Aim 
Mm 1 came, I come. 1 niuA be obedient 29 brig as I am 

^kaMriMwttmlteiianAi^jblittj\ 



itxeunt'. 



ACT HI. SCENE I. 

£«ir MaiSeu, HifmliB, W Prae. 
jatfCtirrTT Sinim, h CniSllt your Maii ti^i mc 
T> *e mkW a'Ae **■***» "f """"S' """"^ 
jRhiikavMwipialiitiilxtw bel«IB«;6nrFaa[i', it. 

ftoBk 

Mn^ Otca, Otca, I Iciw»f »«* iffib, ItietoteSfne 
mt leotttioo 1<«t«*e •** Monfte eora-il b« ilM bt 
c^K,; I wsainit'bewM'd corcoiAe; 

fiis. Yd, T**> kffdidcoRia 

i^/: Ha. IM, ha— — .aaAAfcKe'yfltanofiaSnlm'ent di- 
nafoUi (i«A, <mM>^ „ . „ 

HM. 1 wasindteil, CooCii, I iMlwiJ wtB p«M'«. 

«Ii<:idoiliili»li>. IA(l*ilttt<>eoHie«n«litJivtnifa 
myfelfthismoniiiigwiththeSghtof HsMcepttai; biirI<M 
Tm/iaxtmhAM^ oitinCoiapDy'at kceriw upn late 
Icoo'i«orai»indoil»ll*ig> Mala-p* dt Putdm- -, 

a*fc liid«oJ-i*mMeir8afce«eiBW«%, CouBn. 

MM^'Fixlri yM nfaiwk; fetrladde beenHere, I 
lli*iMfcfoctlieo«aIioiwiiiipCo«»iibGtrr»r/. . 

Mm. lodetd^ CoHl'm t yoa need not have any fubiea Of 
proem tamaleoiklaneb, you a» fo plea6i« yoot ftlf, and 
ithen yoa aie botakme, you woo'd make oix bbift. , , 

Mm(. Amlfohippy, CMifin* then in the bon ^laliiy of 
mating rwplelailth _ ™„ 



a8o T^ Qtitlkmw DduOKg-HflUr. 

HiW.M«*«f hippy. CouGa. i i 

Metff.. Dtgiice,. -,,-:,. .,: ■ . ! .■.■:],. 

Mi-'f.Uiy^ &» v^vdc I obfefve whmibcV, I come, ] 
make every body mciry, fam vaiwt i t, i i i ija 

A'p^ I do liietieye ;ou da ■■' 

Matif, Uij., as 1 maiche ^ de ftrect I cm make de dull 
Apprcnty Uu^ and (aca. 

Hiff. This Fool, I Tee, Is as apt as an ill Poet to mS^he 
thccomcmpt and lb»n of people for applat^ and admtnrioti, 

UfiJt. 

Mmf. Ah, poofinvjOSi ist «nt it ii.to ^V{l)ffn in Rmety 
befMe I vrcnt into ^r«iue I cou*d get no body to luigb at me, 

wifcy. ,..■■--.■■."; 

HJ»^No! tnityCourin,'IthinkfsudelaT*ditbdbir, but 
you aiflmpiovM indeed by gQiie ioto .B-MA. •■" 

M>af' Auv/t thcFnmcibEducaikMiinahewsiopicajairi 
befidc, CPtWii yotiaiv^kQOWtopUytbtFooiistbc'S^cnce 
In Fi'infBt,:a»d I didde ^ to the ilr«iMi Aeadenqr at Fari- 
thrice a week to learn to play de Fod of Sigiuor ScMrgmomki 
who is the owll excellent Peittm>Ke in ^ WwUfec datNcdde 
Scien% A»gfl is a dam E»el^ Fool to -bin. . 

Hifp, MeOiinks now >4vu u A Vcr^ fgdod Fool. 

Mmf. Xauh, aauh, A'bl^i is a better Fotd, but indeed d» 
j^/»'afe not Btto be Fools i hae aievcfJcw gdod.Foclls> 
'IiscnK, you have nwijt^i.'youpgCavalki; who go ow In* 
toFroHee to leant tobetheBuifooai^btuibc^ dM,deyietun 
butmaiiv^BiifbcHi. Jwiw:. : . 

Jfiff. I'm ftne, ^Coufiq, jfon bavcloftiio time HitK. 

Moif ^aAK)ithivi!tStsftmmeht. 

Htfp. Bat b it a Sd^ce in I^mh, GcuCb,? and is tbm 
m Academy for Focdii^; fiuenoacgotoitbutjplaycn. 
, M)«/: Dcy ate ComifKdiaai dat ate dcMatics, bat.aUthe 
born moodc go to Iean^ .« tlieydo hoe ctjiwgel tnd Miu > 
Ibcifyoudid go abroad. into Gottqnny, yba.wou'd find tb» 
bcPabnoftofdcMatnacptuunginaH places tho LeObnswMcfa 
do; ^TC IcanK of the Fodsi doeMuiesy N*iifad.tt»gtl. 
. Biff. Indeed.' ....,' 

Mmf' Y^ n.% dey are the Gcqs de quality tlut praAife 
4st^icienGe.mo^ anjjbeiuiftambitieoai fi» Fmls and Baf • 

fcons 



*S3tt QeHtkmm^BsiKh^Mkfim . 28 x 
feoiu have, \etrt ilways noA mkomc to CduitS} and <)eGr*(l' 
in all CompuiMS. Auh tobe ik FogI, ik Bafoon, is ta be: 
dc' great fenmig^ ,-'.>. 

Hf^. foofe; fatTcFotodM,' tbtr (>y> iodnd, 

A^. W«U, CougH (nettotMkefoupnnidJ.youiaKtbe 
£^tcli Fool in Sngimd, I am fine. ■ . 

41(M*r> Noa» non, deface, aoii>'<IANUf ilcGoiBmediatiisi 
a ftefv/ m»n$ apnttyinaiiJbfc'a CommediaA, A* — ...— .. 
J^M. You aic nwdcft , Coufu i but kail mf FathiZ' 
fhoii'a come in piefcntl j Cwhidi he will do as focm as he knows 
ypu anhae7 1 maft |^Te yaa a Castioil, which *tit fit yoa 
(hou'd have htfau yoa fi:e Um. 
Aim/: VdiivcU Coufis, nu-iidat? 
Hi^ You muft know then (ascoromonVtbrcondulktnfif 
aU mtnh ii iaO afta ( bad agooi while pleas*dnif ftif io jett- 
ing and leading the poor Gentleman 70a Tent into a <F(»b Pa*. 
noUe, and, almSft made himbeliev^lwouMgo away With fa!n), 
my Eatiiei oxD^ home this amtan^ caankiMfttom, aai 
cwight him srith me; . ' 

MaiT' MaU-oeae. 

HiiM. AtKl dRw I^ Swocd npm him, aad'mou'd fantt 
kUlM him > foe you know my Fathci^s Sfta^ fietceoelf and 
ieatoufie. ' > ' " 

l^fU^. Buthbwdidheoomcf^thea/ teftema. 
. I^, la&ttft, lwisMntoi>inghim«ff^%**S^^** 

iMIm/. rah, Iu,'ha, vcfgood }efle. 

Hi^ I wsftu^wvilKt^ to havethe fioor naniHllM'yott 
knowfbt out foolifh Fidick-wichhimi but then upon my 
Aunts and Fatbcis liwaity, how Be came ip, and who frnt 
bim; Iwasfwc'diolayyoadld, dcliriiqi,l(hoi^d.be aUe to 
dana a Coram betoreour WcdditK* 
- Mmf. A Tcr good Jefte d a t ■ ■ftai ]^e as bct- 

tie. 

• 'W^- I^ow all that lam to dcine of yoU} ij^ to own you 
Tent him, that Imay not be cao^t in a lye. 

Mw/t Yes, ycs» a TCt good Jelt, GtrrarJ, % Malhe de 
panoe, hah, ha, ha. 

fSff. Nay, thejreftislikctobebctteryetiformyFatbec 

t. i;' : . ; . , ; ;' ; . . . - ■ -j - him- 



faiafciriM oUi^ hfainMV uf OM mdHadiJhBi SblhM 
novhc mv& iske tba Pmcuig-Miflei! inm lua, and^ooAt 
three or four tioict to me bcfncour Wedding itftmif IMm 
ifhcfliouMcottteaoincM, ftba'^farfof^idaialiMteHUn 
a lye: and ffoc ought I know) if be fltddVI Inxhr « bat 
gods be Wfienott Dmdii^Mifai:, in t^SfMfkOM^ 
Old PunAillinrsofHonoiichcftUBhtkiBiai% MtbtOlkamtVii 
flrinof littHoneor ni FaDJlKr «faidi heniivofJbaMi^ 
NowyM^mowifasftaiaisftnailfadMBln ^vHtttt Ogk 
poor JnnooeDt Dhi#tcii cfim ib, .aud htis ■■>» ibm « Am- 
wit^d. ..■ 

Mm*^ Mbis Mill fearnotlnEt ':w>"*7<^ftidl«MCK 
ofim as you will to the HDure» Md-ytHir FWhnr ltd futWf 
know who he is iflt we uenmy^d » but then TX tdl fain iU 
ftribejdbJahS'. 

£Efp. BotWffi TOO krtpAifOmlel, lieu OroOi, dDwc 

. Mmfl^poty-ifaxfoA,.lwituatAeef taon6^. 

I tCffi iAm,mAmL\ffxAam I itidtcd, foryou woMnDt 

luvcmeldlld : you love me too well fure^ to Ik M InAntQMBt 

ofmydctfh' 

fBan-OmCbp) jMOn^frMvIf,* £«/« gUekUhmd iim. 

* ■- - '.'.; -■>. . '..CMr^'Caoiieii. 

But heic comes iny Fatfao-j tenaeinbar. 

AEm^. iJiwUsotaDut^binoNt. AewlwvuldtiHyoa 
iC^l M fiDcm wfthtt Woich^ ^mey~^€^s jfaiM to be UtTd, 
poor Wictdi, um) he's a apiicious iealous I^^noiigh to 4a?t, 
MC here be comes. (.<^. 

: riibeat)ArCamfcIE«nnaiiCthu,ny^»tN)lj<n» petit 
Qmir. . ■ ■ • 

ifiiff. FdKK, fiue^ ttyVadKt*8 fonnne 4ik w«y. 

JHbM^ l,.jbtt^ Im insDrhliewn't befituenoi^ to Ihu 
as this half hour, b«it ha,.iiik.' . . 

him, ditd (bmggitig m his ^KklJeri ti/hi^ Moolicui w«M 

DoA Is that thing ay Coi&i, StflcT? 
' Ctiv. Tishe} Sb. 
Pmi. Coulin, I am fony to Ice you« - 
ittmji I»^ a Sprna^ Compkoieai > 



1h GmlatuM BMciiig'Mdfier. s8} 

pM. SltaiKb di^'dt CtMfin. - (JfiJt- 

4^ bli! uUontitba, ventK? 

Scrvitair, Semttur, a Moun&ui loon Oncl^ tnd I am ^ad 

tofteywIiaewiiUtidan, iiidliS>fwiii^OiM^> ha, Ha, ha. 

ButluKmU be lorry Ki%]K)via the ^Kcts, teftenon. 

(TOtoaSt.?tfei3 woo*d|ou? baub 

ftf#i/^ 1 U Duy W you wou*d be aOum'd your Icif, Mon- 
fieiB mqa Ondc, of the g^t Tiun you wou'd get to wait 
qpoa fotf Sfm^ Ho^ pih**—— the Boys, wou'd/ollpw- 
you, ud hooc at you Cvcrf >B(1 bleuj pirdooc ai]i: f r^K^ 
Fian^ul^ MoniaacaoaOnck^ 

Jtev WcQnUhmipoctanpa, betwiyt tlfcfc two Contnr* 
lies. (T <«g|W-» »f Pi«¥ 

Dtn- Do'ft dioo can me Moafeut Cvoto a Si j^^ 

Mmf. Ncldidnotcallyoti RAonlcut votoajSt. J«£«, Sir, 
I know ywaieniy Uncle Mr^.^mMiFurixM/— — ^-da 

P««. But 1 cu baldly know you ^aie my Cou0(:^ Mh/^j- 
ffaaw/ fffrriil but call mcSii Dm Ditgo hence forward « 
tookyou, u)d no Monfieur, callnicMonliemGiMr^«. 

jdnif, Icov&ft my crnwr. Sir iitv none bit a Wind nun. 
«oa*d call you Mooficur, ha, ha--^ — But pny do not call nut' 
ncdapjTW, butdcPTw, 4* ?«"' (fivou pU^A) Moaliou 
de Tarit ! Call me Mooliiwi tod welcome, da •*-— 

Ifm, Mpnfiqinde FMitfAKtufhen voto-»-.^ ' f "r- 

Mmf. Monban de F4llt<l^l»u ! a ^etty name^ a fvetty' 
name, ma foy^ da — ; — farin trote de ftmslhont i how 
much betic den your dc by Fcwasinttt dtl la Rivitreti A* 

b£wiuv and ^ the Dii in JVawft— da welU 

but have you not tbc atburation foi my PmitiUlaaij Dm J>(^ 
mcnOndc? 

i>a». I am a0oidQi*d at thwn veide daamcntc, they an 
wonderfully ridkutoiis. 

Msnf. iUdicule, icdiculc ! ah-^*tiswelly«ivemy Un- 

. cle, da' ■■ -Redicule> ha-— ^^isdcreanyt^glndeUn^ 

reiie to if nti as 4c Ptnt^hm i any tine fo tav)£uint as dc 
TMttilooai i Auh ' ' ' ' 1 con'd kneel down aiKl varihip a 
pail of ^ti PautallgeMti vat, Tat, you wou'd' have mc have 
de admu^Kon for dis outwaid skin of your Thigh, whidi you 
call S)'«>i/Ir Hole, lie, fie, fig—- .ha, ha, tu. 



£$4 7bi GentUman iymeing''li/Lifitrl 

2>m> Do'ft.thoudaidenir S'^m^H(rfc?rciung';!^tnihaidi. 
. J^mf. Ii) comparifon of Vamalloon I do andnvalae *mi htr 
d«d, I>off.PK£»ernonGnde, ha, ha, ha. > 

' "Dob. Thodait thm agxyanhodcmaloguno, locrifyoii. 

Manf. Yoa (ftay call mcMt you vill, Oncic Din, Diepu ; 
but 1 ftiiifl neeJi fiy, your ^jr^ Hofc we fcuw y ■Hde, i^y . 
Hofi;, looGcHofc, andflinftSnigHofc. -■■'''- 
'■Don, Doholpronrfteme, Serueie.' ■ (fMtttifBmJtSiit 
: ■■'■■■*■' •■■-' '■"fi$i»w</, 

^ Men/. Indect for louHe I rccsnt dat Epitfaetc^for- dnt is 
ftaTceio6[ti Hi Vm&r dat litiTe Animal, ha, tia^ ha: ^ Baxfot 
Ainl(in^Ho{c, dat Epithctcimyfiand; for howandeydiide 
bat flink, tnce dey are fo foifeuftnenw dole to yoiir Spsmfi 

i/i/y. Ha, hi, rfdicuIoA.;.'. (Jfitt. 

' i>Mk Donotbtovc^mc/ |[fa(]f, ^n^tramtla. 

7. ' {SttmttoJrnr. 

' Manf. May, OticTcj I iih forty you ttt in dc iwiton \ but 
I nma live and dye for de PsHtMlhea ag^iA de Sfmn^' Ho^, 
da. ■ . . 

•'~''^OT. You are a nCh young Man, and wMIc yoa wear Pur 
^Doohs, you are Beneath liiy paffion, voto>— t-rAidi— #-they 
make tbce look and waddle f with siil rix^ geW'gaw fUbbonsj 
like a gritat old Fat, fbvniljr'Watci-dog. 

Mmf And yoiir ^««^'Rc^, ftnd yourffofe in die Air, 
hialie you looit Kke t gteic griffcd ' Xan^-h^ Orey-hound, 
ttschingaCmttofffromahlghSfte'H^ftf, W^-' 
' Dan, Bueno, Eueno. ' "' ' 

' Mrt. Camt. What have yoa a mind to tiiinc yto feHj and 
feicab of the Match ? - -^ • ■' ' 

Mn, E^w-.-V->.niatdoyautd]iiieofthcMatdw> dee 
Hnke I will not vindicate PanttHooiw, Morbleu?- ' 

!pm. Well.' he if a loA young Man, iTec, anddefperatctf 
ftr gone in the Epideroick Malady of our Nation, the ifliE6a* 
tton di the wotA of Frmh Vaftities : but I muft heivHec thA 
tuo), as I am ii Sftntni kx>k you Don Ditga, and chdcavOat 
to reclaim him by Att and fair means {look yoi^ ^Den Ditgf) 
if not, he fhal) never m^rry my Daughter look yoD, Dm Dieg'i 
Wioi^b he be my own Sifter's Son, andlias two thouland tftt 
hui^rcd feventy three pouudsSterlinK'iwclreShiHingsvid twtf 



peace a year PcnnyicnttScganmcQte. (^^£/(. Come Young- 
man, Once you aic lb obQinate, we will refer out diffeteiice to 
Aibitratioii, youi Miflrefa my Daughtei QiiU be Cmpiie betwixt 
u^ concerning Svmi^ Hole and Pxotallqons. 

3/«n/. Puit^leons vaA Sfmi^ Hofc (fi vot» fdaift^ ' 
Dpi*. Yom Milbds is the nttdt Judge of )rouiDiefi,{uit? 
Moi^, I know vcr vel, ctat motlof the JcunelTc d'En^/nhf 
wtU noc clia^ the Ribband upon dc Cievat widoui the 

ctvifijltation ofdae MatRfs, buti am no,^i*^wdz noc 

flvdl I malte ^aSetaxx of myDids to aiiy in the Univetle, da 
■ !' 1 judge by any bE«g/<Wh/> leflenon. Iwou*dnoG 

be judge by any ^n^fft Looklng-^afe, Jamie. 
Don. Be not poGtivo, Young-man, 
MruCsm, Nay, payte&rit, GouGn} ptayda 
ASfftf, Non»noiiiyourScnrant, your Servant, Aunt. 
' Dm. Butmybet)otfopofiiiTe> come hither, Oaughtet^tcH 
ine which is Dcft. 

ISff.- Indeed, Fadicr, you have kept mc in uEmr&l igoo- 
lance^ I know nothing. 

Mmft anddoyoutbk I (hall refer an Afbir of dlatcoa&- 
quclKctoap0OIyoung ting whohavcnot (ceo theVarU, da, 
laniwUcr tbanfo, voto? 

"Dm. WeD, infliort,if you will not be wiicf, and leave off 
your Rtnth Drefs, Summering and Tticks> took you, you flull 
be a Fool and go without Dau^ht^, -Toto. 

Mmf. How, mud 1 leave off my Jantee Firm^ Acoouflie- 
inents, and fpeak bafc Ei^Ut too, Qt not marry my CouOii \ 
nun Onclc Von Di^o ? Do not break off the Match ^ do not i 
for know I will not leave off my Pantalkxm and Freneb Prcuun- 
ttation for ncV a Couiin in EMg^MA\ da. 

X)«*> i tril you again, he that marry*s my Daughter {ball-at 
leaftlofAlikeawifcMan, forhe Oull wear thej'^Mf/bH^tt, 
I un a Sfmn^ Po&ivo. . - ' 

AUnf. Vervcl, vervcl/ and I am a fVnvi poGtivo. 
Don, ThenIamDcfiai(ivo?and ifyoudonotgoimtDe^ 
atdy into you Chamber, and f»t on a Sft^ Haul, 1 haw 
brought over on Purpde fin your Wedding Ckaths^ and puc . 
c^aUthcfi Frtneh Fopperies and Vanidades, with lU your 
Giimaccs, ApccaUes, adorabla, tnay Foys, ant) Janucs. I 
fwcat you (ball nnrct marry my Daughter (uxl by aaOadt fqr 



oS6 Tie GetabmmDMehig'Mtfier, 

Sfmsri never broken ) bjr m^ WMskets and Smff-fcoib 

Monf. O hdid, do not fwc«. Unde, for I lore joa Dmi^ 
tn furleufincntt 

Dm. If fouloveherroa'Qdbcynie. 

ylonf. Aidi, wat will becDme o( rk ! but ntve die ajiifil^ 

mien, mufl I kare off ^ the .ThiwABeautes, Otaces, aod 

EafbdlifiMn^ botcdfrnyRcrfonandUoguage. ' (AgoHtf, 

(Htfy, Mrs. Cwition, ind ftueAiig feg . 

£>«». ItpHl havclt fbt 

Mm^ 1 am tninne den ilndonnei Inn fb|iw asitfidEntjaii 
ntt fiK, fer acfc is not nic leift Ribbon of ny uuyfiliMj bat 
is as deal to ntt is your Dauditer, jan d c*^ " 

Cm, ThcnyDudono(deKn«Iwr,andfetttMreBfeK}friD 
be&ti^'dfialovtbet betWT, orycalidltfothne-toy fetl 
araPoHtita 

M<. VllybabraktiincArte/ ^h)*rd«€(fnBfauni 
for IDC 

Vm Ffiyageti, youfiianbedKft^dbefcteid^fonTcp 
to Toe in the Sfm^ Habit, or yon ilnH ixv^ niRT i^ 
Dli^Her, loofc yoD. 

M«^ lfyoawitlnochivedect»fidentknfetme, htWde 
• oxifldaation for your Daughter-, for fbi have de ft^RaaUlt 
Amour fermc, and like me in db HdMte betrt den h yotos, 
da -'■■-., 

iXw. What I bave &M1 fnve Aid, and I Mb onoBiGtittf. 

/Ar^ W8iyou not (b mocQi as dlowmconelin)e AwkA 
Oito? , 

Am. No, ym flnH looke Dkea d^«iriWtotfpcdE and 

- hrcar IHie an ^ghfh man, kx:^ yout 

Menf., Hclas, htlai, den I (htH tidce my kaf«, rBorCi uAt 
venirr, |a(nic,teftc-bleu, TentreUcu, mafoy,«rtesl 

Don. ftirij Sanebttt Vnhiifion this <^Va)ieto hrte Us 
Chimber with .tholethings I ordered you to t^ka oat of the 
Tiunk«, I wou*d have you a Knie accaflomR) to yoar Cloatbl 
before yoiir Wedding i for. if yoB comedy \*!lfi rae, you fliall 

- marry my Du^htct to tfioriow, took you. ( CoHt at tU Bur* 
-' JI4b/:AdkttdKn,flcarP8nulIoon.'deaiBeltc.' AarSwDidt 
, dear Perrqefuc .' and dear Onppeyvx , Rctroafea, and dcat 

^ Shoe, Jamie: afTicti, adieu, vSm, hclas^ beEn, hclf^ wBI yoa I 
niTcyet rtCtpKy^ ' 



7U Qmlmm DMmH-^Xsfitr: %8? 

Am I a«i a 5^M*|t PoSthoi looh you. 
3^«4f: And nOK ciuri ifaan de 5;wr(|l InqptStieoo, t» vQBr 
pd a Man to a Habit againft hisCoiifciaicc, bcln, behs, hi^ 

Sanr Rite «W GtnauL 
FhK, HoeistlKDaiicingMaAer,ftiaUIcallaiyMUhes,Sirf 

j>cis.Ya. Oyouareaspuodual aszSfamar4:l\oKjoak 
BonAual Ma>t my 1 thbth di bpforc youc tiinc JHiidhk^ 

&n Na^ I^ttfdbhr'dinoaiDMKhBeEiSfar, flnUbfrm 
ctocbyaiy^tilt* 

Z>Mt. So lb, *tis wen. 

Gfr. li«q«!siMrf oawoidviiUnjiflfitQuUMi'fakpanau- 
al wiAher, Sir. 

ih«^ ^a^Kdifaeoiay, vny hoaefily, Fdendvttdlbei- 
lieie ■ wf hOaoftjoaa, ihcMcb sDaotswHnifltt^ 

Om. IinwcyC^ymtl^aKlbk %, ' 

2>iHK. What youaiebuta Youag-mai^ sk fan imn]iM 
]«# 

aet. K^Stf,faitIlttpBiaiIl»Sir,vci]rfiiddcBlrif tbtngB 
hkfllgibtt 

Z>M. Whattfae^FellnhnFriandbaronNcv, andcaDnoc 
■pM «rii 'ponfii fan as dM Dauflkter on ? 

Gcr. Yes, Sr, the Father hindas k a little at w&nt i bat 
AcDaugbteti bbpe iricfclv'd, and dm ^wt &all do^vclt 



ZW What you do not And bn, toowdbs <a the laudabk 
Cnfiom of fbtK of yotu BBothor-^Oaticin^iwfiaa ? 

Ctr. Hoi r^Sitt&dihit, Siit (teal her, yottne fi^'d to 
betaenofit £»» iw, hi,hB»» - .. ■■.ifDBPt but bugh ^ that 
qocftioD. (-4^' 

Dm NoiSbiix^ii&s yniarefikE'd ti>h><»ny) but 
you liyAi Fadndgesnot' ccnftac 

<7«r. Naciin,Siri4Na*tviUbeeon»t«truhcl:berbedocs 
Of no. 

£>M. WafliheoneorynutScbofars? tfflK«cn,^s« hun- 
dred to ten butyou Iteal hei. t 

GcTL I Stall not be aye to bold kigbing. (Mie^ Ungbt. 

Dw. Nay,Bay, I find bf yow laug^g youfeal her.flie 
nw your Schob^ WIS Ac not ? 

Ctr* 



ft88 Tiie.<SimtUm4til3Mel0i-M£jleifl 

Gtr. Yes, Sit, (he wudie firil I nerhid, and mar be diC 
bit too i for.fbe bas a Formpe (if I cati get bee) nfU keep me 
6001 reacUiK'to dance any inore. 
. T>«a. So^io, thenOieisyouiSdiohr fiill it&ems, and Hie 
has a good Poitibn, I im f)]ad on*tj nay, I knew yon fide 
her. ■-' ■■-"■' '.i ■ 

Ger. My hogliine may give hjm fufpidons, yet I catmoC 

hold. - . r-45^ 

Pm. Wuk, you bugh I warrant to tHbk hon^ ^ T°oi)i 
Bi^^^aodyoawill mamp che pooitoU Fafliei i EiK if w 
herdcfwndantt for a Fortune be npofi die Faihcr, he iiiaydiaiw 
to mump you both, andfpoathcjeft. ' 

Oir. lliDpe'itn9UnotDeinhUpowerjSirrIiaiha,hu 

I OuBbughtoomuch anon. iA^i^. 

Piay, Sir, be pkat'd to call 'fix your Dai^ter, I am hnpadent 
till Ifae como-) for tbncwas never moKpicdoaiwitb me and 
with her too. It cB^t to be fb, fiire, £uiceycala/(heis tobe 
mairy d to nonow* 

X)v». She ought to bcftir her, ts you lay mdeed, wnl( 
Daughter/ Dau^ter, Fnw, l^potita: Ctme awif , ChiU, 
why do yoH ftay fo lorig? (CaSt at the JUeti 

Umtr Hippdita, Proe, and Caution. 

HiM. You ScknnC MaAct! faideedlamaSan'dyoitbaTe 
Aay'crnvme. 

Gir. Ogood Madam, tismy Duty, I kndw yagcameai 
Ibcn as you cou'd. 

- tSff. IkiKw my FaihctwBs with you> dierefete I did not 
makealuwedKribinudibalteasIinghti butif youhadbctA 
alone^ nothing Iboa'd have kept me &om you, I wou'd not 
have been £) rude astohlMBwde yoaft^i nufuitc fix hk^ 
1 wanant you. 

Don. Gome jidlcj fiidle, what a de«l of Ctxeataof dun 
b betwixt your Dandng-mafter and you, <^emo ^ 

ISff. Lord, Sir, I Iwpe you'll allow me to Ibew ray >dpcA 
to my MaAcr, for I tuve a great lefpeA for my MaOcr. 

Gir. And I am very proodof toy Sdidar, and toi imj 
ffOt Honoum of my Sdiobr. 

Dot. Come, come^ FrieAl, about your bus'nefi, and ho* 
nour the Kmg. Y(nu Dandog-maflen and BaAers aiefixh fi- 
nical fmooth-tongu'd, tuling Fdlowf, -aadtfyoufct'£n}ofn 



'S^A^mtimMM DMcingrMafier: '1S9 

a talking ; they'll ne'er a dofK^ q0 nK4« than Mitii you 1m 
'cm a tidling : Indeed all ih^: cM.niltb ^lek.aK given to im- 
portinency. (To Atrn Caution, 

Cant, yi^: vfiU* tha i& vtvpfmmat P^Uow, withoac 
being a Dancing-mafler : He is no more a Dancing-nuOer tben 
lama Maid. 

Aw. VAat i wU you SvU be wiTcr than I ? voto. 
Come, come about with my Paughrcr, Man 

Prae. Sohewou'd, Iwanant yoii> if yl»«W<»;niip wou'd 
. let him alone. 

Vm. ifiuy ww Mia.:NipUe-CIiaps? 

Ger. Well,though 1 have got a little Citing at the Dancing-' 
School (ince I was here, y«til do aU fb buiiglin^y, hell difco- 

Hiff. Tiy, odme take my hand Matler. 
Gf «f. look yoHi pumbet, (he impudeiH Huletcy gives faim 
her hand. 

2?iR^ Gail he dance «4i}»hec mibput hctitng hetby the 
hand i 

tUfft^ Hnw^tajEemfrhiand. MaOet. 

Ger, I wiQi it weiefbi good and alL (^A^tahtf, 

yiff- Vpii Danoog-nnflns arc aWays fb lufty, (o nimble 

An. Veto at Sti ^<i> not that I can Ice, about with Hctk 
Man. 

Gm. IrnktcL, Sir, I camtot about with her as I nouM do^ 
unlcrs you.wjUl pk«le to.go out » little, Sir > for I (ee the is balh- 
ful mil before you, Sir. 

£)|o'tJ Hqi,hq^iiK»efoc^igT<ti oaax^ ccnne, about, ^bout 
with her. 

Hipfu tiiy, indeed, FKtber> lamalham'd and cannot help It 

Dant Ehtt you QuU help it, for I will not ftii : move her, I 
&y begin Huhic, more when he'll have you. 

PW€* I caniiot but laugh at that, ha, ha, ha. (4fi^- 

Ger, Come thrn, Madam , fince it muft be lb let us try, but 
I flialldiliiPTCc all. One, two, and Coufxc (afiart to HippV 

Cmt. Nay de' fee how he fqueezes iiffc hand, Brother, Q 
tbttewlViltaini 

Dm. Come, move, I fay, and rtundha ncit. 
Gv, One, two, thiee,four, and nun round. 
Cm* Dc'foe again ktck^ ha by the bate Ann. 



3^ The QeniUmm DMdtf^.Hifier'. 

Don. Come move on, (he's mad. 

Ger. One, two, and a Coupee. 

Ben. Come, one, two, turn out your Toes. 

C*ut. There, ihne, he pioch'd ha by the Thigli, wiU yoi 
fuifet it ? 

Ger. One, two, three, and (an back. 

Don. Fallback, fill back, back, fome of you aiefoiwaide- 
noug^ to back. 

Gtr. Backj MadztiL 

Den. Fall back when he bids you, Httflit „ « „ 

C«»f. How! how! fallback, bllback, marry, but (be Dan 
not Mback when he Eudsher. 

Don. I fay (he (hall, Hufwifr, cotne. 

Gtr. Sfie will, (be will. I warrant you. Sir, if you WDotbcan-, 
gry with her. 

CoHt. Doyoa know what he means bythatnow, youa 
SpOfiiard. 

Don. How's that I not Sfommd ? fay fuch a word agun .' 

Gtr. Come few ward. Madam, th«e fteps agen. 

Caut. See, fee, (he f^icezcs his hand now, O the dduudi'd 
Hariofiy .' 

Don. So, fo, imod her not, (he moves feirward pretty wrfl ; 
but you muft move as well backward, as forward ox yoall ne* 
vcrdoany thing topurpofc. 

Cant. Do you know what you fay. Brother, your fiV nowf 
arc you at your beatllinefs before your young Elau^tei f 

Fth. Ha, ha, ha. 

Dm. How now, Milfads, arc you fo merry ? is this your 
ftaid Maid as you call bet. Siller Impertinent i 

Gtr. I have not much to (ay to you, Mi(s i but I (ball not 
have an opportunity to do it, unlcfs we can £et youi Fatba 
out. 

(AfJetoBp, 

Den. Come about agen with htr. 

Caut. Look you.thcre (he fqueezcs hb hand hard agen. 

Hipp. Indeed aiid ihdeed, Fathu, my Aunt puts me qmte 
out, 1 cannot dance while (he looks on for my heart. Hie irakcs 
we alham*4 and afraid te^ethcr. 

Gtr. Indeed if you wou'd plcafe to take hci out. Sir % lam 

fure, I (hou'd make my'Scholat do better, than when you ne 

^^ pTc(cnt, 



TheOmtUman Daaciag-Mafier. 191 

|)Kniht, Sir, pray Sir, be pkafed foi this time to take her 
away t for the next time, I hope I fiiall oidci it fo, we (hall 
trouble ndtber of you. 

Cma, No, no, Brother, ffir not, they have 1 oiind to be 
left abne. OHne there's a bcaflly Trick in't i he's no Dancing- 
nailer 1 tcU you. 

Ger. Danm'djade^ (he'll difcoverus* (^^'toHipp^ 

Don. What will you teach me ? my then I will go out, atid 
you null go oat too, look you. 

C^M. I will not go ou^ look yoU. 

Dan* Come, come, thou art a ccnfoiious wldted Woman, 
itai you (ball difturb them no longer. 

Camt. What will you bawd ibr your Daughter ? 

£>0n* Ay, ay> come go out, out, out. 

Cauti I will not go out, I will not go out, my Conrcience 
will not fufier me, for 1 know by cxpefieticc what will follow. 

Ger. I warrant you. Sir, we'll tnake good u& cfma time 
when you are gone. 

CsMt* Do you hear him again, don't you know what he 
means ! (Ex. Don tbmping Caution out, 

Hifp. Tis very well i you are z tine Gentleman to abufe 
tny poor Father fo. 

Ger, 'Tis but by your Example, W&. 

Hipp* Well 1 am his Daughter, and may make the bolder 
with hmi, I hope. 

Gtr. And 1 am his Son-in-law, that (hall be ; ind there- 
fore may daimmj IViviledge too of makbg bold with him, I 
h(^. 

Hifp. Methinks you (hou'd be contented in njakilig bold 
with nis Daughter 1 for you have made vay bold widi her, 
lure. 

Gtr. I hope 1 (hall make bolder with het yet. 
tfipp. I oD not doubt your confidence, for you dre a Dan* 
ing-niwer. 

Ger. Why, Mifs ! 1 hope you wou'd not have tne a (ine 
fcnfeld^ Whining modeR Lover i for modcOy in a Man b as ill 
as the want of it in a Woman. 

Hipp. I thank you for that. Sir, n6w you have made bold 

with me indeed -, but if I am fuch a confident Piece, I am fuie 

you made mc fo » if you had not had the confidence to come b 

U 1 f 



392 The Gentlm«^Pwmg-i^M'- 

Map : I am fitf c.I -cp^i d.qot loflk i^pon^ jWjid \MiV^ 

Gtr. But ihatlhumblyc6nceivc,rw«tlk:y% '^\r^ yq^\r JF#. 
ther^Mlt, Uc^ufe^Duha^ qqt,a,{y}an.to,lQ«^ ^^n^^t^dj^reA 
^ifs, I do pQt, think joti cpnijdeiit, yoji ,^G ^^ in^qcfitt > 
for that which wouM be called confidence, nay Ui:)pi^i;pcp~^^ 
Womnti of years, isc^l[cd,JDiiqcqKfiinj?TF9'':XW'f64iV^ 
the mopc.impml^nt youflti^pw^, ^hf.pforcilflpqo^v yPJ* ,aic 
thought. 

Hifp- Say you fo ! has Xoi^tb jCat^ ,^'i^ff^ I (Jo liot 
wond« thni, mpft Women ftcjp ioiipudent, .pn^p it ,is.^9 be 
thought younger thin they,^ |ic 4=p8».; -hwt(Itl<i*Sd> M?!^ 
you are as gKat,sn,E«:om^?rqf in^py^j^cp l^pc, as tf-you 
were a Dancing-mancr, in gppd-c^i^ne^ 

Gir. Yes, ^s, a si)nag;ttiip£ tna^.do^iW^I^i^ fD^ kap 
out of the Vyiufioiv, iind£p^]flray.w;h V' t^Hlcjoij-fjitferj i^ 
fhc pleafc. 

Hrpy. So, fo,thcUfefo]Iows thcDo^nc,v^JuJid?^Iy. 

G*r. \VcI!, DcMqft, |Pr|iylft,us,nuJ« thcplf: VBC^pa^M it| 
left your Father iQiou't^ ,(;ti^[fe.t^'3|^'c^ witn us and come in bo^ 
fore we ^vpii'^ have hi[ii, 

Hifp. Indeed old Relitions are apt to take (l^t JILilmd.fiiW' 
domof prcffingintoyoniig Gflljiyijay at,»mfcffc(Ml^fOQHK. 

■Ger. Goftfc, dev Mi^t kVo^e tellyoti bo^w I;h^y/e ^|(£ep'd 
matters i lor in talking of any thing cUe we \ak tvnc-SQaxip- 
poitupity : P^le ainoiA indeed f^j tlie ^^ift iVQaKn are 
the worn in the Wqild initfji^gao Qpj»Uunity, 4h^ U^ tinle 
tattle and Ceremony. 

Iftpf. *Tis Ijecaofc I watnint oppoitiin^ies axe not £> fiaroc 
hcic as abroad, they have more here than ihey can ufe i but 
let people abroad iay what they wilt of Engli^ WomcD, be- 
caufeihey do not know 'era, but what lay people at^QDj^P 

Gp^. Pietty Innoce^\t, ha, Jij^, ,tu. Wt^l % XW wiD 
not make u(e of your opportunity. 

Hipf. Iiiyryouha«tioicafQn,tof^fo,]fefc 

Ger. Well, thpi anon at nine of t&c Clock at nlgbt ITl^ry 
you 't for I have already belpoke a Farfm, and ha,ve ta)[CP up 
the three back Roc^ of the Tavern, whifh fttmt upon the 
Gallery window,, that qo body oiay (ce us dcapc, and I bare 
•ppolat^ ^fiecifely betwixt eight andi^c of the Clock 

when 



i»te« ie W-Aflt) a<!:dadririd'Six, tbWalt at thtTavcin- 
door fbr qr- 

i*^. * <!3oai*i'aHtl- S'iii a Coach an*' Six, do you fay > 
nay men I fee you are refalT'd to carry me away i for a Coach 
and Six, though' there wert nota'Sfen bat the CkiiCh-man 
with' ih' wWiy (sttry a^vay anr ydnng Girl of my tot in En- 

Ger, Then you will be fure to be ready to gb widi irtc, 

flft^. WHa^yOu^ig Wortian of the Town cou'd ev« fay no 
«( ^ Ci»A aft'd^Six, unlcfs if were going into the Country : a 
Coach and Six, 'tis not in the power of fourtceti yeats old to 
rtfiffiti 

Get. Tod wiUbcfurttobd'rcady? 

l^ff. YoUateftire'tisa'Coachand-Six? 

Get. I ^innt you, Mt&. 

Hi^. \ wartartt you then they'll carry us mcirily away : 
A Coachand Six? 

Gtr But have you chahnM year Coafin the AfiOT/«i(r" (as 
you- fatdyou Wou'd;^ that he in the' mean time fay nothing to 
(«cvtnt lis ? 

Hm. ; I wanant you. 
&a^ ta 'em Don Diego anJ Mru Caution frtj^ag in. 

6Atr. 1 will come in. 

ZJiW Well, I hope by this time you have ^«n het fill! in- 
flrtiftions, you havtf told her what and how to do, you have 
doiKalt. 

Gtr. We have juft done indeed. Sir, 

Siff. Ay, Sit, we have juft done. Sir; 

Caut, And I fear jufl undone, Sir. 

Ger. Dp' heatthat damn'd Witch. (^^ tdliipp. 

Don. Come leave your ccnforious prating, tbeu haft been a' 
61fe right Woman thy fclf in thy Youth, I wanant you. 

Caut. I right ! I right I fcom your words, I'd have you to 
know, and 'tis wtU' known. I right ! no 'tis' your "da'ujiy 
Mini, that Jillflirt your Daughter here that is right, do you 
fee how her Handkerchief is ruffled, and what a heat (he'sin? 

Daa. She has been danchig. 

Caut. Ay* ay, Adam ana E-re's Danc^ ot the beginning 
of the WoiM, A? fee how Qic pahts ? 

Vm, She has not been us'd to motkm. 

U 3 Caut, 



294 ^' GemUmm DAneing-Mtfitr. 

Com, Motion, motion, motion de' call it i no indcfd,! kept 
her from motion till now, motion with ^ vengeance. 

Dan. You put tlic pon bzQiful Oiil to the bluQi, you (cc, 
bold youi peace. 

Caitt. *Tis her guilt, not her modcfty, many. 

Dan. Come, come, mind hei not, CbQd, omuc. Mailer, 
let itie fee her danct now the whole Daocc roundly togetba:, 
cotnc Cng to tier. 

Gir. Faith, we {hall be di(covaed alter all, you know I 
cannot fing a Note, Mils. ^ (.A^ to [fii^ 

Dm. Conic, Come, Man^ 

hifp. Indeed, Fathn, my Malla's in hafte nov, pny Icf 
it alone tilt anon at night, w\.m you (ay he is to coax g^n, 
and thtn you (hall fee me dance it to the Violin^ (vay (lay till 
then, Father. 

Don, I will not be put off (b, come begin. 

Hiff. Pray, Father. ' 

Dm. Come, ling to her, come begin. 

Ger. Piay, Sir, cxcufe me till anon, I am in ftane ba(te. 

Don. I fay begin, I will not (xcufe you, come 'rake ha bj; 
the hand, and about with her. 

Csm. I fay he (bait not take her by the hand, he (ball londi 

her no more \ while I am Hac there (halt be no more fquccCng 

and tickling her palmj good Mr. Dandng-mafter, Aand off. 

(Jhrufii Get. avMv. 

Dm. Get you out. Mis. Imftrtintnci, take hci by tbehaoo, 
I (ay. 

Cant. Standoff, I by, helballnottoudiber,hehastoQch'd 
her too much already.' 

Don. (f patience were not n Spmii^ Vcituc, I wou'd lay it 
afide now, I (ay let 'em dance. 
' CaMt. I fay (bey (hall not dance. 

Hiff. Pray, Father, Gncc you iee my jaunts obfUnacjr, kt 
us alone till anob, when you may keep her out. 
' Don. Well then. Friend, do not failfi&come. 

fli>f. Nay, ifhe fail meat laft., C 

Dm. Be Jure you come, for (he's to be rmnj'd to marrow, 
do you know it ? 

Gtr. Yes, yes. Sir, fwect Scholar, your humble Servant, 

tUl night, and think in the mean timeof ihcQilirudioasI 

• ,^ "have 



The GentlemM Danitig-Mafier. 295- 

iHK^venyou, that you may be the teadier when I come. 

j)ga. 1, Gill* bertaeyoiido, an) do you be furc co come: 

Cma. You need not be fo conccm'd, he'll be fute to come* 
1 warrant you « but if I couM help it, he fhou'd ncvet fet foot 
agenindieHouie. 

Dm. You woii'd frighten die pom Dandng-Maftci from the 
Houft \ but be fuie you come foi all ber. 

G#r. Yes, Sir. 
But dus Jade wQl pay me when I am gone. {A(idt. 

Csm. Hold, hold> Sir, I muft kt you out, and I wifli I 
cou'd keep you out. He a Daoqng-mafter, he's a Chouce, a 
Cheat} amceiCheat, and that you II find. 

Don. I iind any Man a Cheat ! I cheated by any Man! I 
torn your words, I that have fo much Spmipi Care, Citcuih- 
fpedion, and Fnidcnce, cheated by a Man : Do you think 1 
who have been in Sfsin, look you, and hare kept up my 
Daughta a twdTC-roonttv fos fcv (^ being cheated of ber, 
look you ? I cheated ofhei ! 

Cmit. WeB, &y no nunc. (Exiim Den, Hipp. Caut. 

CWPnK. 

GiTt Well, old FormaUty, if you had not kept up your 
Dan^ter, I .am fine I had never dwated you of her. {,Afidet 

The wary Fedis bj bit Cart hitraj^d 
AsCmcMdsij/tlmrJtsioii^^ir«made. (Ex. 



ACT W. SCENE I. 

Entir MooCeur de Partis without a PemupUj with » Spanilb 
Ha, « Spanini P(w^^, Stockjnt^ aniSbotu^ hut infanttt' 
Imuj a Wsfit-Belt, mid » S[4ni(h Di^tr it!t^ dud a 
CtivM ahoHt bit Nuke 



En ter Kppolita Ah/ Prue hhitid Isuebitig, 
AiMjf. nplO Iw wat a Fool Love do make c* one, Ji 



amie. 



Alt do mciamorphofe de brave Man in dc Beaft, 
Animal 
mpf. Ha, ha, ha. 

U 4 - ,//*»/. 



Aimf* Nay, you ituy )ai%h, 'ds ver v«li 'I am b«catiie «s 
lidiculc for you as can i«> mort-Ww. I ■bif e d«forni my ^If 
into a ugiy SfaKtard. 

mpf. Why, do'youc3llthis^rgw(ing:youlr fetfbiKa.^x- 
ffiijr/whilc you weai Pftntalloons ftill, and cheCnE^4& 

Meuf. But is bei!e ncft tfacttoiiblc Ooubk^ ^sii^S.fmiJh 
Digger aufly. 

Hipp. But 'tis as long as the French 5word, «nd 'Wom^c 
it Butwhcre's yoiu5pMifb£eard, tbcibuig-ef taeS »iA- 
quence ? 

Mmf. ]arilie, doyoutink Befrdsaicas nfie tobe baits in 
it Play-houfcs, non j but if here be np tbe <igly Vm^ Sfsit^ 
Ecaid, here arc, I am certain, the ugly hsi^.^^^ tit. 

Hipp. Thjt's veiy true, ha, b», ha« 

Mtmf Aub dc ingrate! dat de WorQ»ii^ tvheM wegnot 
men aieyoui Gallants, you laugh at uB^oor lelvdS, «iU wtH 
weaie your Husband, you make«ll-the Weild iav^atui, 
Jamie. Love, darn Love, it tnakes. the tnan-moie tidkuk^ thaa 
Poverty, Poetry, or a new Title of ^pnour, Janic. 
Enter Don Diego, «W Caution. 

Don. 'What at yow Jamjes MU veto. , 

Monf. Why, Oncl(^ -youaieat your TotoVflill 

Dfl». Niy, I'll allow you to be at your voto's too, but not 
to make the incoi^uous Match of .f}MH^ Doufatat and Frtntb 
Pantalloons. (HaUing bit Hat Infwt ^ TaiittUtMs. 

Moaf, Nay, pray dear Oncle, let me unite FrMct and 
Sfam, 'tis the Mode of iT«»« now, Jarm'e, voto. 

Den. Well, I (tt I muft pronounce, I told you, if you wac 
not dreft in the Sfam^ Habit toN^ht, you flKm'd not mai- 
ly my Daughter to monow, look you* 

Monf. Well, am Inot habilice in de ^«»(/fc Habit, mj 
Utmblef, Ear, and Hat, Leg, and Feet arc Spaailht that 
dcyare. 

Pen. I told you I was a Spati^ Pofitivo, veto. 
[ Monf. Will you not fpare my Pantallooii (bcgir) I will 
give you one little iioget to excufc my Fantalloon, da 

Dm. I have faid, look. you. - • 

Mmf. Auh Chere Pantalloons, (peak for my PaataUoons, 

Coufin, my poor Pantalloons are as dear to me as de Sc«f ff to 

de Countiee Capitane, or de new made Officer i thCKforehave 

^;:-. decom- 



Ac compalEon fot my Ptntanbonst Pm J^n^oj nt6n Oncle, 
hclM, he]m, btlbs. {Kntili u Don. 

Om. IhrnHii lonkiQv., your Oirfs fBilft be Sfm^t 
and your Language Engfip^ I am uno Potitiva 

Miili^ Arid niuft (peAhik^fiod Englifi too, ah la pi(fee, 
belaf. 

Dos. It ntft be doite, ud [ tcill Ice thb great change e'cc 
it be dark, voto — "^ ywkt ti^ is not lotag. Itek to't, looK 
you. 

^Mw/'. Hdast helasj liekt, dat ^^a»^ (bott'cl ctxiqaer la 
FfMce in EngiW, helas, hclas,helas. (Exif-Monlicar. 

Dm. Youiac What piim I take to inUcc tum Aii more agree- 
able ft) you, iDabghtcr. 

Hff . Bat indeed, and indted. Father, you waQi the Blach- 
a-tneic "whitCt in vRdeatouring to make a SMnisrd of a Mm- 
fimr^ nay on 'Sx^i^ Afmfiatr toO, conftder tbat» Fdchcr ; 
fat when once tb^ have taken the Frtrnk plic (as they call it) 
they arc never to be made fb mudi as Sugii(h men agaln^ I 
bavc heard iky, 

'Don, What, I Wattant. you are like the rcA of the young 
filly Bagg^i^of EftgUutJ^ that like nothing but what is Frtntb. 
You wou d not have him icfotm'd, you wou'd have a iMm- 
fitur to your Husband, wOu'd you, Quemo i 

mpf. No indeed, Father, I wou'd not ha'K a M>n/itur td 
my Hucb»id, not I indccdj and I am fiitt you'll ncrer mahB 
tny .Courm othci wife. 
Dm. I warrant you. 

Hipp. Youcan% you can't, indeed. Father: And'youhavc 
fwom, you know, he fhall never have me, if hedoesnottcave 
offhts Monfieurfhip. Now as I told you,' 'tis is hard fbi him 
to ceaTc being a M«»/imrt as 'lis for you to break a Sfan^ Oath« 
To that I am not in any great dang^ of having a Aimftair to 
my Husband, 

X>M. Welli butyoafiiallhavc him for your Huiband, look 
you. 

Hifp. Then you will I»eak your Spmi^ Oath- 
Don. No, I will break him of his French Tricks, and you 
(hall have him tor your Husband, Qucmo. 

Hipp. Indeed and indeed. Father, 1 Ihall not have him. 

Doth Indeed you Qialli Daughter. 

,...->■■ ■ ffifp. 



spS the GentUnu» DMong-Mtfierl 

Hifp. Well, rou (hall fce> Fathei. 

Cant. No i wanant you, fbcwQl not havthim, Qk*11 have 
her Dandng-Malkr latha: Iktiow het meaning, I undo- 
fland her3 

Don, Tbou malkioas finlHh Woman, you undcrfUnd ha ! 
but I do underftand her, Qx fays I wiQ not break my Oad^ 
nor he his Frtncb Cuftoms, To thiou^ our dillcrencc, flu 
mnks Qie (hall not have him, but (he (hall. 

Hifp. But I (han't. 

Cau. I know (be will not have him, bccaule (be hates 
bim. 

Pm. I tell you, if Ibe does hate him, 'as a (ign Ak vrill 
have him for her Husband ; for 'tis not one of a thoufaod that 
manies the man (he loves, look you. Bc(ides, *tis all one 
whcthei (he loves him nov or not » for as foon as tb^s mar- 
ty'd, (he'd be fore to bate him : that's the reafon we mlc Sff 
mards are jealous and only czpcA> nay, wiU be fiire out 
Wives (hall fear us, look you. 

ISpf. Pray, good Father and Aunt, do not difpute about 
nothii^ fisr I am fure he will never be my Husband to hate. 

Cam, I am of your opinion indeed, 1 undcr(buxl you, I can 
fie as fo as another. 

Dtn. You, you cannot fee fo much as through your Spcfta- 
dcs, but I underftand her, 'tis her meer dcluc to Marriage 
makes hex ,&y (he (hall not have bim s for your poor young 
thing!, when they are once in the teens, think they (haU acra 
be many'd. 

Hi^. Wdl, Father, tlunk you what you will, but I know 
what I think. 
Enter Mon(ieui in Ac Spanifh Hthit tfairt'wlywith aCreoat^ 

and followed by the little Blsekra-mort with a Gtlilia in bii 

Hand. . 

Den. Come, . did not I tell you, you fliould have him, look 
you thoe, he has onnply'd with me, and is a paieSt Spani- 
*rd. 

Manf. Ay, ay, I am ugV Rogue enough, now fure, for my 
Coufin i but 'lis your Father's &ul^ Coufin, that you han*t 
the hindfomcA beft drcG'd man m the Nation, a man bcin 
mife. 

,v Dm. 



TUGeMkmanDmuing-MMlhr'. 399 

Votu YctuenatyqutFrcwi^andaCreTatonfti]] fvoto 
iSt.yM^o} m, off with it. 

A^mL Nkj*, I will era hoeafta Ipcak dowmfh good Englifb, 
do but rpore nic my Cmat. 

Don- I am uno Politivo, look you. 

Monf, Let me not mt on that SfMifii YokCj but fpaic me 
my Orcvat i fot I breStcvat furicunent. 

Don. Agen at your Foriefmcnts ! 

Mm/. &dced I have ibrgpt my {el^ but have fome 

"Don. Off, off, off mth it I &y, come Rfufe theOmamcn- 
to principal d'lhc £p«wJJ>- Habit. 

iTAst him hjr the CnvM, pdh it «f, 4ud thf BUtk 
futs an tbt GoUUa. 
Monf. Will you have no mercy, do (uty, alas, alas, alas^ 
Oh I had rather put on the £11^/^ Pittisry than fus Sfm^ 
Golilia, for 'twill be all a cafe I'm fuie; kit when I go 
;du(»d, I fliall {bon have a Crowd of Boys about me, peppering 
ihe with rotten Eggs and Tumcps, hclas, hclas. 

{ Don fuu m the Gelilis. 
poff. {|elasa^n? 
Meaf. Mas, ala% alas. 
Hipp. I flulll dye. 
Pra. 1 Qiall buift, ha, ha, h?. 
■ Monf. Ay, ay, you 1« what 1 am come to for your fake > 
QxiGn and Uncle, pray t^ notice how ridiculous I am 

rni to my Coofin that loves me above all the Woild i 
can no more forbear laughing at mc, I vow and fweu, 
than if I weie as arrant a Spaniard as your felf. 

Dm. Be a Spaniard like me, and ne'er think pMpIe 
laugh at you , thc^c was never a Spaniard that thought any 
one lau^M at him ; but what do you laugh at a GoKlia, 
Baggage i Come, Sinah-Black, now do you teach him to 
walk with the vodadao gcfio, gracia, and Gravidad of s 
true CapilioH. 

Mm/. Muft I have my Dancing-mafter too ^ come little 
Matter then, lead on. 

(Kack firuts about tit Stagt-, the MonGcur followi himj 
imitative awkardljall he does. 
Dm* Malo, malo, with your Hat on yoiu Pole, as if it hung 



thcii Hoins would not fuffci 'em to-cbt^^ oVrt 4iA i^iiSE&cads, 

A/ea/: Tistnie, there are fomc «*ffifct«tf Otf*f fWri hi« 
fomuch Reverence for cHtft'PlflWqttif, Asi tfi^'*oA'<Jif(ufe 

I vo* and fwear. *■ ■ 

Dm. Come, Black, teailHFltM'tlCW'td-iltiaKf d'.^W»|S^£t^ 

Mofif. f4a, h*, hay yotiU SfM'^ U^lSixiE^if^ Comic, 
I «ow artd fwear, hah, hah, ha, 

Dj»*.Well,theHo<K*doeS not (^dke tfie »fonlt',thcACs#»an 
Afs (till, though he had the Ly^ Skin (5n i tBte vPill be fUglit 
JfMifii) Fodl, lit fpight of tti« ga^Spaml^ Habiti look yotn But, 
BIach,do what you can, ittake (h^mod of him, walk him about. 

Vru. tfcrcaic illefrfople, Silr,tDU fiiit tol^Aif witbabout 
ProvifionS for the Wedding, and'hcre *e jVxu Cltiath^brdught 
home to(>Miftwrs. iPrtxipefto the Jan'-, Mir^m^f, 

X><ut. Wdl, I come: Black, dffwha* yoa<MM wkhKit^ 
walk him about. 

Ater^. Indeed, Undr, if I were as you, I would not haw 
the grave fjiiMi/Ii Habit fo travcfl'di I Ihall' difgracc it arid m; 
little Black Mader too, I vow and fwevr. ' 

Den. Leam, learn of him,. improve yduf felftly Wm, 
and do you walk him, wallf him abouB foandtf. Cdmt, 
'Silhirand Daughter, 1 mull haw your Judgidvnts, thtiu^I 
fliitl noli need 'em, lookyoa, vf^fr him,- lee Y)!:HKvrfk hiifl. 

(ExitDorii H?pf). <m/ Cauribn. 

^**/I Jamie, hedocsnofonly makeaS^«»rfrfri<rf'me,bat 

a Sfaaip> jennit, in ^ving me to his Lacquey tb' rtilk'i b«- 

comealoilg, little Maflor. (7%e fi/«^t)^m^i-Monfieur 

{On mt fide of the Stage^ Pmt Jfaitdinf Mthfutbtf. 

Vru. O the onfortunafe condition of us poor Cnambcr-iBaid^ 
w4io have all thr carking and caring, the watehirtg^ and 'fitting 
Dp, the trouble and danger of ora* MiArcHes' Intriguts! whiUl 
ihey go away with all the pteafure i and if theytan get their 
Man iaa comer, 'tis well enough, they- ne'er thfcik of the 
poor watchful Chamber-maid, who tits kitockmg her beds 
in ihccDid, for want of better exercife' itr femr trdancholjr 
Lobby or Entry, when ihecou'd imploy her time every whit 
vs well at her Mi!befs for all her. QuaKty, if fbewcic bot put 
to'f. ' iJlJide. -\ B/«*j 



{i!iae J^ gOt# I^;j94l9n [WVHr ¥cwfle-raw, Hid « juft goiiu 
toj9;^4w^()fJtiin|, whilft I owft Iv MtintfaiLuicS 
l)(^e^th # cwpk <(^ ^y J^ti: fi-n^mvxxf Boys in Bonnrt^ 
an4 .»fn44 mm'^ §fm9> i4»«**. «« » Sfwant elfr in the 
Houfe, tior have I hopes of any coihforub^e Sodctf )t t^^JlJe. 

^f. ,A.9h, #Ac TH^, JIm, j«, h«> 

laugh thus only fo-~nowytH93«t»tMioa inihc fircaasyou 
pa^ by youi .AfgvWff^WSi )9f^ ]AW thqS'm-if ts t Woman,, 
dfl^uuq^ mil fibr mKiP fwrhwt ■ if <o i aun,thw, with' 
a noo, fo— but frown a fittle moic, frown, 
^c jf «o ? WtffiWi y W fvpu'4 i>$ Ttrjr cc- MonC imkating 
icmontous too, thus — lb — yom Neck ncaicr tie Blaek, 
yout Ihouldcr, fo — Now if you wou'4 
iSf%^ ^H^H^t^y of qpy m^n ,Qr thvjig, 4o ^s with youi 
Oil«^-«^4'.-TnT- a|M &r«ii WP yew ihowWcrs, till they hide yogi 
Ears. Now walk agen. (7lw Black «)i^ riir Monlicut 

f vtfiJt »ff the StMgt, 

Tfu. All my hopes a^: in tl^t Co^^noib that ■■, 1 nmlt take 
^ 1^ rny 4ipi^ IpavingF, tfxH^ wc Chamhct'Maids 
aie wont to be bcfoie-hand with them : B)K he is the dulkft, 
B^otiicfleft ^i'opl, fyt 9 f iracbifi'd Focd, as ever I £iw i for no- 
body oxi'd betnoTC coiningtohimthanIhavebecn(though 
I fay it^ and yet I acn ne'a the ncaier. I have ftcJlen away his 
llaoNlkerc^iff^ and told hi^n of it, and yet be wouM ncrct fo 
much as ibuggle with mc to get it again. I have puU*d off 
his {Vonigiite, uiuy'd hts Elibbons, and have been very bold 
jfrith hiro, yet hp would never he fo m&i me i nay, I have 
l^h'd him,pouncn'd him, and tickl'd himjind yet he would 
nqr^r dp the ykc fer mc. (Tbt Black and 

(Monlkua rttum. 

^K N2X> tibus,thus> Sir. 

Pm. And to make tny pcrfon more acoptablc to bknj ban 
us'dArt, as(b^bjr> li>r every night froGcheafti^ Ihave 



g02 The GetttMtmDMeittg'Msfhi', 

wonidK FoKhod-fHcee of Bees-wax and Hogs-^icafe, ind eve> 
ry fDoming walh*d mthBunfrinilk and wild lanfw, and havi 
pit on cFayday for his onir &k my Sanday's Bowdr-Stoddn^ 
and have new chalk*d myShoocs and coi^bntly as die ntmn- 
ing aix i nay, 1 have taken occaGon to gaitet my Stockinet 
b^e luiD,is ifunawaicsof himiftn s goodLcgftKlFoot,wrai 
good Swoes and Stockings, aieTery(nrovddng^tbeyray,biit 
OMDcvil-fr-tMt wou'd be ht piorck'd jbut Imoft thiok of a wajr; 

Btsiki, Thm, thiB. 

Mow. What fo— — •wcU, well, 1 have Leilbos enow for thif 
titne. Little Mailer, I wQI have no mote, left the tmdtiplicily of 
'cm make me forg^ *cm, da—Pnwj ait thoa thete and fo peiH 
£vt? what ut thou thinking c^? 

Pnt. Indeed 1 am atham'd to tell your WotQup; 

Mot^. What afluunM ! wot thou tMnldng dM of my beafl* 
- Iinc&? hajha^ha. 

Pnu Nay, ihenlamftHc'dtotcllyouiWoiflupinmyowD 
vindiation. 

Atmf Come then. 

Prit. But indeed your Worfhip— I'm afitam'd that I am, 
thou^it wasoothitigbutofadreamlhadi^yoorfwcctWof' 
(hip laft night. 

Monf Of my fweet Worfhip.' ] wanant it was a fwect 
dream then, what was it? ha, ha,ha. 

Pm, Nay, indeed I have told your WorQiip enough already} 
you may gue6 die reft, 

Monf. I cannot guefe, h3,ha,1ia,nhat(bou'ditbe? pittbtc 
let'sknow the left. 

Fm. Wou'd you have me fo impudent ? 

Mmf. Impudent.' ha, ha^ ba> nay prithee tell mcj for I 
can't gucISi da-— 

Pm. Nay,'tjs always fo? for want of the mens gueffing,the 
poor Women are fbic'd to be impudent, but 1 am flill a(h^*d. 

Me«f, I will know it, fpeak. 

Pru. Why then methougbts lad night you came up into my 
Chamber in your Shirt, when I was in Bed, and that you mi^t 
catil/ do i for I have ne'ci a Lock to my door i now I warrant 
I am as red as my Petticoat. 

Menf, No, thou'rt as yellow as e'er thou wert. 

Pm. Yellow, Sir? 

Mob/. . Ay, ay i but let's hear the Dream out. Pr*e. 



Tie Gankmm Dtmetng'iiUfief. 303 

"Pru. Whjr, cai^ yoa guds thereft now? 

J4!m^ No not I, I vow and fwear, cpme let's beat; 

Trm, Eut can't joa guefi in etnxll? 

Mm/: Not I, the Dcril eat mc. 

Fnk \Hotffji&jtX! idiytbaiiDcthoiighisyoacainctobcd 
Co me? NowamlasndasniyPcttkoicag^. 

Mm/. Ha, faa, ba, wdl, and what tbcn? ha,Iu,ha. 

Tru. Nay, naw I know by yonr WorQuys laughii^ 70a 
gucTs what yoD did : Vm Aue I ay'd out and wak'dall in toan, 
with ibele woids bi my mootb. You have undone me/ you 
have undofx me! your Woffliip has undone me. 

Manf. Elah, ha, ha> but you wak'd and found it was bata 
Dieam. 

Tru- Indeed it was To lively ,Iknow not whether 'twas aDream 
or no : But if yon were not tbeiCj 111 midectake you may come 
when you wilt, and do any thing tome you will,! flccp lb tifl^ 

Monf. No, no, I don't believe that. 

Trit. Indeed you may, your Worfliip— — 

Menf, It cannot be. 

Tru. InlciifiUe Bcafi.' be will not undeifland mc yet, and 
one w ou'd think I fpcak fdain enough* (.Afide. 

Mmf. Well, but Pn»i what art thou thinking of > 

Trm. Of the Dream, whether it were a Dream or na 

Monf. 'TwasaDream, 1 warrant ihee. 

frm. Wasit? lambogeousglad it was a Dream. 

^UW/: Ay, ay, it was a Dream v and 1 am hugeous gU#k 
wis a Dicam mo. 

' . Fru. But now I have toh) your Worflup, my doer hath nci- 
iIkt Lodt nor Latch to iti if you thou'd be fo naughty as to 
cpme one night,aDd prove the dream true~- 1 am fo E^raid oo't. 

Altnf. Ne'er fear ity dreams go by the contraries. 
'■'• Pru. Then by that I Ibould come into your Worflup'sCham- 
bor, and a»ne to bed to your Worfliip. Now am I as.red as 
liiy Petticoat again, I warrant. 

Afn/. No, thou art 00 redder than a Brick unbumt, Prtu. 
-Frtfi Butifl fliou'ddoruchatridillunyfleep, yout Wot-. 
Ihip wou'd not ccnfure a poor hormku^id, I hope ; fot I 
am apt'to walk in my flecp. 

Mmf. Wdl then Priw, becaulc thou Oialt not fhame the Qif 
(poor Waidi) I'll be furc to lock my door every night fafl. 

Prm' 



304 tbt GetttlimMt tXtnti/^Mt^eri 

PrM. Scsfo, thisirai*lftndwi4n(«(lci,Vin^oamainune(' 
\y ind 4owa light lo ttt* bui'Mfi, likco^tWDOiaK n — 

Motif. O the Dtncing-Miftcc.^ 

?rju. On Sir, 1 )»ve fomMhio^ to fey to ysu ULyou Eal, 
vhich I am a(tiam*d to fynk ^loui. 

^oflf. AnothfT ibnc, anothn tifiie, Phk, bi^ DOtfi' go. call 
yogi MiArcfs le htt Duidng-inyftar, ^, ge. 
J'rw. Nay, prsv hoar mc, Sir, lu& 
]Mm|^ Anefhcithiw, uiotlja fitsf, iVii* , ptidx* ko gair< 
Pru. Nay, 1 btr&cch yom Wotflup hcai hoc. 
Mm/) No, prltbe* be gOM. 

Pru, Nay, 1 am c'cR well enoughrcrvMfornotfpeaUa^ny 
mind whtn I had an Mportuniiy, WoH, 1 nuft be ^Mg 
the modcA Woman, fedbotb ; a Wdm»e hy|)Qcnft. iatius 
ca(«dofSonlydKcivohcr'^, f-Smi^Vme- 

Mimf. Othc brave I>ancfnK<MaAer, the fip»Danin^qHttcr, 
youi Servant, yeurSewuiC 

Ger. YouiScivanr, Sir,1protcft I diflsot kBonycyi.ait^rA. 
I am afraid this Fool fhou'd fp(») aH, noMHlhOaadiog IMffi^ \ 
t»s caic and managemciM, . yet i oi^t ipi toili hn i but a Se- 
act is roon ^ wm % ttradKious KtwR&tfaaaa taUiativ« Po(^ 

iAfidt, i 
Jl/(w/: Come, Sir, you ntaA kno^a Sttk Ebother Drnfipg* 
mallerofyoiws, W^hing-naafliar I Ouu'd have fiiid. i fiv be . 
tcacbcime tQwaU{andtiulKLegib}ttfae.by: Pr^y lEn)^w.faim, ' 
Sir, Talutc him. Sir, you Chrifliait E^andng-imflns afr ijufogdr 
Ger. But, MonTipu, wh^ (kangc Mctagiorphofis is l^ ^ 
you look liiH a SfanuuJ, and talk like an Et^k^mvh afitini 
which I thought had bus iipoffiHc. 

Mmf. Nothing knfioffible to Lov<» I muft d^'t* fn loft W 
Mfiie^ your peeUy Scholar, be 'lit 1 am to b^w hec ; jrou 
nay ttnoeiDbcf itoldyo4fiiewasio.bc[n«n7*d^9.ft8r<Atn)an« 
a man of Honour and Quality. ' 

Gtr, But does (he e^oyo yixiCQ tUs-fanice ppgnafK^ ln«^ I 
am fun it is to ycu. .j^ I 

A4mf, Ho, Qq> 'tis oy the compuMipa oS' the Ss^^'A Fop 
her Father, who is (b arrant a Spani^^ k^^ifm'i MiVQI! um i 
his Daughter, if be hacw uho you mtat; thm6iK bayoa 4c ' 
dal care to difleiDble wdl. ^Pr*mijim »fi^ I 



tU GniktUM Dmuiifg-Mtfier. 50$ 

iStr- 1 tnrraBtyou. 

Mmf. Dear GtrrsrJ, go little tAi&a and call my Coufni» 
(ell bcr, her Dandng-mancr is here. (Exit Elack* 

t ky, Dtu OtrrarJ, Faiih I'm nbliged to you fur the trouble 
you have had: whenlftntvou, I intended a Jrit ir.drcd, bpt 
did IK>E tMnk it Wi)u'd have been fo dangerous a Jclt i thercfoie 
pray foruvc me. 
Ger. fdo, do heiitnv frvgive yot). 
iltfni/I But an you Ktigivc me, foi lending you at firft, like 
a Fool as I was, 'twas ill done t^riie; can youfbigivc me? 
Gtr. Yes, ycs,Idoforgive voilt 
Ma^. Well, thou an a gtnetous man, 1 Vow and Twear, to 
COOK and take ufoa you tms trouble, dangei', and fiiumr, to 
be tbou^t a piltrv Dandng mailer, and all this (o piekrvc a 
Ladies Hofiour and Ltf<^ wlw intended to ubult } outmt I take 
(he obligation upon me. 

Gtr. Bi(h, foA^ you aie not obltgrd to me at itl. 

Unf, Faith but I am ftiangcl/ oUiged to you. 

Gtr, Faith but ^ ou ate noti 

Mmf. I vow and fwear but 1 am. 

Gtr. I fweai you aie not.. 

Mm/. Nai'jthouait (bgcneibu)aDandng-ntafier-ha^a,hai 

Emer Don Diego, Hippolita, Caution, nJ Prue. 
Dm. You Stall not cotne in, Silter. 
Cmu. Iwilfcomein. 
Dufo You wif I iK>t be dvili 

Cmit. Vm fiire they will not be civil, if t do not come In, I 
muA, I will. 

Dtn. Well, honeft Friend, you are very pun^al, which 19 
*Tare Vcrtue in a Dancing- mallei, I take notice cf it, ar.il wiU 
remendwT it, Iwill, look you. 

Mmf. So lillf damn'd politick ^f^m/bUiKkle, ha,h3iha< 

( A/i<it. 
Gtr* My tine Schnlar, Sir, there, Ihall never have rearon ( as 
1 lold you ) Sir, to fay I am not a pundual man, for 1 un 
tnore her Servant than to any Scholar J ever had. 

Menf. wcH faid, I'faithi thou doA make a p.clty Fool of 
hun, I vow and fweat } but I wonder people can be made fiich 
Fools of, ha, ha^ha. (^fiJ'- 

Hiff> Well) MaOer^ I th«nk you, and I hqx I Ihall be a 
grateful kind Scholar to you. X Mnf. 



^66 Tie GeutkmanDaHcing-iAdfiik'. 

Menf. Ha ha, ha, cunning little Jilt, what a Fdo! (be tftakri 
of him too : I wonder people can be made fuch Fools of, I vow 
and fwear, ha, ha, ha. (A/Ue. 

Hipp. Indeed it (hall go hard but I'H be i gratc&l hind Scho- 
lar to you. 

Caut. As kind as ever your Mothciwas fo'^oui Father, I 
warrant. 

Dm. How ', agcn with your fenfelcfs fufpidons. 
Monf. Pi(h, piih. Aunt, h^, ha, ha,(he's a Fool another way, 
(he thinks (he loves him, ha, ha, ha. Lord, that people fliou'd 
be fuch Fools/ (jifitit. 

Caut. Come, come, I cannot but fpeak, I tell 70D bewnc in 
timei for he is no Dancing-miftcr, butfonic det»uch'd pafca 
who will mump you of your Daughter. 

Dan. Willyoubewiferthenlllill^ Mump me of my Daugh- 
ter .' I wou'd I cou'd fee any one mump me of my Daughter. 
CaM. Andmumpyouof your MiftK&ttx>, young ^fMj,>rZ 
Manft Ha, ha, ha, will you be wifei than I too, votaMua^ 
mc of my MidieD ! I wou'd Icou'd fee any one mump mcof 
my Miftrefi. (Tt Caution. 

I am afraid this damn'd old Aunt fhou'd difcovcr us, I vow 
and fwear ; be careiul thciefore and refolute. (JfiJe to Go. 
(imd Hipp. 
Caut. He, he does not go about his bus'ncls like a Dancing- 
niafter, he'll ne'er tcachhct to dance, but he'll teach her no 
goodncis (bon enough T warrant ; he a DancfUg-roaAct .' 

Monjl I, the Devil eat mc, if he be not the bell' Dancing-ma- 
ftcr in England now. Was not that well faid, Coulin i wasit 
not ? for he's a Gentleman Dandng-maltcr, you know. 

iAfidetoGtx.MudlSfp. 
Don, You know him, Coulin, very well, Coufia you (cnt 
him to my Daughter? 

Mon(. Yes, yes, Uockle, know him. 
We'll ac're be difcovered, I warrant ha, ha, ha- iAftit' 

Caut, But will you be madea Fool oiftoo ? 
Mmf. Ay, ay, Au^t, ne'er trouble your felf. 
Von. Gome, Friend, about your bus'ncfe, about with my 
Daughter. 

Hiff. Nay, pray Father, be pleas'd to go out alJttle, and let 
us but prattle a while, and then you Qlall fee mc dance the 
whole Dance to the Violin. £)»«. 



hm. Tittle Tattle, tnoic foolii^ (till.' did not you.% when 
j'bur Mallei was here laft, I flumM fee you dance to the Violin 
when he cahie agen. 

. Biff. So I did. Father j but let me praAife a little fnft be- 
foicj ihat I may be pcrfcd. fiefides, my Aunt is here, and 
ihc will put mc out, you know I cannot dance before her. 

Dm. Fiddle, ^ddle. 
, Manf. Thcy^reafiaidtobedircoVcicdby.Gfrr^<J*sbungling^ 
I (a. Gome, come. Uncle, turn out, let 'cm prac^ife. i Afide. 

Dm. \ y/cai't ("voto a St. Jago) what a fooling's here ? 

Monf. Comcj coitic, let *em pra^ile, turn otit, turti outj' 
Uncle. 

IW. Why, can't (he pra^fe it before tne ? 
. Monf. Gime, DarKCis, and Singers are fometinles hutBourr 
fom ') befidcs, 't^l be more grateful to you, to jiee it dancM all 
at once lb the Violin. Come^ turn out, turn out I fay. , 

Dm. Whatafooling's here IHU amongit you, voto^ 

Monf &) there he is with you, voto, turn out, tum out, t 
VOVtr and (wear you fluU turn put. (^Takej him hj the (hoitlJer: 

Don. Well, (hall I fee her dance it to the Violin at la(t ? . 

6ft. YeSj ]ies,Sit,whatdoyouthinfcIte3chherf6r. (Exit, 

Dofi. 

^m/. .Gd, gp, turn out, ^d you too Aunt. 

Csut. Seiioufly, Ncf^ew, I (hall not budg^ royally I {ia3\ 

not* . 

Monf. Royally you mull. Aunt, conic; 

Ctmt. Pray hear me, Nephew.' 

MmJ, 1 will not hear you. 

Caut. 'Tis Ibr your lahe f lUy, I mu(t not (ufTcryodtol)^ 
wrong'd. 

Monf Coine, no wheedling, Annt, ooinc away* 

Cant. That ilippery Fellow will do*t. 

4:fwj/I Let himdo't 

Cattr. Indeed he will dp'tj royally he wilt 

Monf Well let him do'r^ royally. 

Ctatt. ric will wrong you. . . 

Monf. Weil let him, liay, I halve a mind to^ wrongd^ 
what's that to you, I Will be wrong'd, '£ yeu go thereto,- i 
f ow and fwcai. 



3o8 . 7U QtmkmM DMong-Mafor. 

Caut. You (ball tvU be wrang'd. 

Ma^. I will. 

Cant. You OmU not. (Don rttmrms^ 

Dm. What's the matter ? won't Ox be nd*d sotDC, come 
away, you (ball not dinurb *em ( Don < W Monficui th^ Can- 

Ction Mf. 

C«it(. Dc'ftehow they laugh at you both, wcflgoto, the 

Troth>[clling Trejun Oentltwomah of di was nc*ci bclicv'd, dl 

tlie Town was taken, nimag*d, and ranfak'd even, even ft> — 

(Exit Cmdoni 

Afimfi Hah, hah, ha, turn out. 
Lord, that pec^Ie fliou*d be fuch anant Cuddcns, ha«la,liai 
But I may ftay, maV I not ? 

Hifp, No, no,l'dhaveyougoout andholdthedonr^Goiifiii, 
or (ee my Fath^ Will come in agen before his time. • 

Monf. t Will, I will then, (ireet Coufin, *tis well duwgbt 
on, ttiat was WctI thought on indted for me to hold the dooi, 

Hipp. But be furc you keep him our, Coului,tjn wcknodt. 

Mmf I warianCyoii, Coulin, Lord, that people ftiou'd be 
made fuch Fools of, Hah, hah, ha. (&«f Monfeur. 

Ger. So, fo, to tnake him hold the door, wl^ I fteal bR 
MiArc&isnotunplca&nt. . ' i 

ISfp. Ay, but woti'd tou dof*^ ill a thing, lb tieachcrousi 
thing? Faith *lisntitw^ll. I 

Gei^. Faith I can*t help it. Since 'tis for your lake, cootc, 
Swreteft, b not this our way into the Galkry f I 

Hipp'. Yes, but it goes againft my Confcientte to be iccrlluy 
to (b ill a thing ; you lay ynu do it for my lake ? 

Oer. AUs, poor Mils .' 'tis not igainA your Conlftencr, but 
againft your modtfty, >ou think to do it franckly. 

Hipp. Nay, Ifit beagainll myModeflytoo,Ican'tdou!n> j 
deed. 

Gee, Come, come, Mifs, letus makehaftr, all's ready* 

Hipp. Nay, Faith, Icint latistiemylciU[Je. i 

Ger. Come, Dcarelt, this isnota dmeforlcniples nor mo* | 
dclly j mpdelly bciivcen Lovers is as impertinent as Caemnny 
brtWRn Fiknds, irnd Modilly is now as unfeafonable as on the j 
Wcddbg-utght : come away, ffly Deaieft. 

Hipfu Whither? I 

- ^..- .^,v- Off. ! 



Tie GeulUmoM DMcit/g Majier: 309 

GlTi Nay Gire, we have Idl (00 much time alrcad v : Is that 
a propa Qudtion now Mf you wou'd know, come alotig, for 
I have alt leady. 

Hiff. But I am not ready. 

Ger. Truly, MifSj we (hall have your Father come in gpon 
us, and prevent us agiin, as be did in the morning. 

Hiff. Twas well fix me he did ; for on my Confcicnce if lie 
had iK>t come in, 1 had gone clear away with you wtien I vfas 
in the humour. 

Gtr4 Com Dareft> you wou*d heighten me as if you were 
not yet fai the Gunc humour. Come, come away, the CknclMlpS'-^: 
and lix b FCidy, 

f£fp. TiS too late to take the Air. and I am not ready. 

Oer. You were ready in the Morning. 

Hfff Ii fb I was. 

Cer. Come, come, Mi&, indeed the Jeft begins to be none. 

tlipf- What, I warrant you think me in ]e& then > 

Ger. In jelt, certainly, built begins to be troublcfom, 

Hspf. But, Sir, you cou'd believe I was in cameft in the 
■ooniHig, when I but (ecmed to be ready to go with you i and . 
why won't you believe me now, when I declare tc the contra- 
ry? I take it unkindlyi that the longrr I am acquainted with 
you, you {bou'd have the lc& confidqicc jn mc 

Gtr. For Heaven's lake, Miis, lo^ no more time thus, yout 
Father wHl come in upon us, as he did 

tSpf. Ut bim if he will 

Gtr. He'll hinder our dc%n. 

Hiff. No, he will not, for mine it to fiay here now. 

Ger. are you in camcft ? 

'tSpp- You'll hnd it fo. 

Gtr. How, why you omfcis'd but now you wouM have 
gone with jne in the morning. 

Hipf. I was in the humour then. x 

Gtr. Aod I hofc you arc in the lame Itill, you caimot change 
fo ^n. 

Ifi^. Why, Is ijt ncx a whole day ago ? 

Ger. What, are you not a day in the fame humQur l 

Hipf. Lord .' that you who know the Tpwti (they fay^ 
Ihou'd think any Wotiian could be a whole day tt^ther m an 
humour, haj ha, ha. 

■ X.J (-, .,. ■■■ :;■." ,..,-.--■■'' ^Ger. 



gid The GeetiemMt DoMcipg-Mafler. 

Ger. Hey ! this b^^ to be pleaiant: What, won'cyou^ 
with rue thcp after all ? 

Hipp' NoindeccI, Sir, I de'fire to be cxcus'd. 
Ger. Then you have abus'd me all this fl*iW? 
Hipp- It may be (o, 

Ger. Cou'd all that To natuiat Innocency be diffcmbrd, &idi 
it cou'd not, deaicft Mife. 

Hifp- Faith it was,. dear Maflcr. 
Ger. Was it, faith? 

Hipf. Methiuksyoanugbt beliere me wi^iout an Oatb : 
you awl cou'd diffemble with my Father, why fliwt'd ^oM 
think I cou'd not with you ? - ' 

Ger. So young a Whcadic j 
Hipp- Ay? 3 meet dauin'd Jade I am. 
Cer. ^\vil have been abus'd, you lay ? 
W'pp- 'Tis well you can bcHcvc it at lalh 
Ger. And 1 muft never hope ibr you } 
Hipf. Wou'd you have cat, abufc you again ? 
Ger. Then you will not go with me ? 
ffiy^. Noi twt foi your cMnfoxt yout lofs will rot be 
great, and that you may not lefent it, for ooce I'll be 
jngenous and difabufe you i I am no HciTcTs, as I told 
you, to twelve hundied pounds a year. I was only a lying 
Jad^ then, now will you jpart with mc willingly I doubt not. 
Ger. i wifh 1 cou'd. (.Sigbi. 

Hipp, Come, now I hod 'tis your turn to difTcmblc * bat 
inen ufc to dllTemblc for money .will you dUTembk for notluog ? 
Ger. 'Tis too late for mc to difTcrable. 
t£pp.' Don't you dilTcmblc faiths 
Ger. Nay this is too Quel. 

Hipp. Whw, wou'd you take me wUhout the twdve 
hundred pounds a year? wou'd you befudi aFoolas to Aeal 
a Woman with nothing? ■ ■ 

G'r.. 1^1 .convince you, for y<xi (hall go with HKi and 
fince you arc twelve hundred pounds a year the lighter, youH 
be the eaCcrcairied away,^ , , (Hetaket bermbit Jrm, 

Pru. What, he takes;her away againfl her Will, IfiodI 
moEl knock fiw my (ma^ then. . . "' (SbeKaoeki- 



Tie Qentkman t^aKchgr-MaJhrl 3 1 1 

Entir Don Dicgp tnd Mrs, Caution. ' "^ 
Hiff. My Father, (ny Father is hcrr. 
Gtr. PiCTcntcd again .' (Ga.feti her dawn again. 

Don. YihaX, you have done I hope now, Friend, for good 

uiddi> 

Cer. Yes, yes> wc have done for good and all indce d. 

Dm. How, now ! j-ou fectn to be out of hDtiiour> Friend. 

Ctr. Yes, fol am, I can't help it. 

Com. He's a Diflcmbter in his very Throat, Broiheri 

Hifp. Pray do not cany things fo as to difcover your filf. 
If it be but for m; fake, good MaOer. (/ifide toGei. 

Gtr. She is grown impudenf. (^Afiie, 

Cant. See, lee, they whifpcr, Brother, to fleal a Kifs un- 
dcraWhifpei, OthcHarletry! 

Dm. What's the matter. Friend i 

Hipp. I fay for my fake be in humour, and do not di^vei 
yourlcif, but beas patient as a Dancing-mailer flill. (To Gvi. 

Dm. What, (he is whilpering to him indeed ! what's the 
mattei f I will know It, Friend, look you. 

Gen Will you know it ? 

Don. Yes, I will know it. 

Gn-.Why,if you will know tt,then (hewoD'd not do asT wouM 
have hcTj and whifpa'd me to dcHre me not to difcover it to you. 

Den. What, fioSy, wou'd you not do as hcM h^ve you! 
Ill make you do as he'd have you. 

Ger. I wi(h yba wou'd< 

CdHt. *Tis a Ije, {he*ll do all hell have hex do, and moie 
too, to my knowledge; 

pM. Cotne, tell me i^hat *twas then flie wou'd sot 4o, 

oHhedoit, Hufly, or -^-^Coinc, take her by the hand, 

Friend, come, be^ Jet's ftc if (be will not do any thing now 
Iain here. 

Hifp, Come, piay beiQhomoui, tbfier. 

Ger. I cannot dlflenbtelike yoa 

Dm. >yhat, fhc can't diifcmblc already, can (he ? 

Cant. Yes but Oic can, txit'tis with you fhe diiTctnMes.i for 
they aie not lallen out, as we think, for I'll be fworn I &w her 
juA now give him the languifhlng Eye, as they caXl It, that is, 
tKc'Whttines-Eyc, of old called the ^ceps-Eyc. Illbefwum 
I iaw it wi£ didfc two Eyes, that I did. 



3IS JteGetittimMn DMdng-Mafer^ 

Hifp. You'll bedrajr us, bwc a cjk, good Mafter. (AUi 
Gtr. Hold youi peace, l&y, lilly Woman. iuGtt. 

Pm. BNt docs (be di^mblc alieady ? how do vou mean i 
Gtr. Stic pretends Ibc can't do what Qie (hou'd do>, and that 

Ihe is mt in humour, the cotninon Excufe of Womett ftx 

not doing what iheylhou'd do. 

Dom. Come, I'll put her in humour ; dance i lia;, come, 

about with her. Mailer. 
Get. 1 am in a pietfy humouL to daoce. (^^ 

I cannot ibol any loiuui, Gnccyouhavcfixird me. 

rnHipp. 

tiiff. You wou'd not be fo ungenertws, as to betray the 
Woinaa that hated t ou, 1 do not do (bat yet ; foi Heaven's fake 
for this once bf more obedient to my dclires than youc Fafli' 
m. 

Den. What is (be hunaourTnm ftill i But methinks you \ock 
your lelf as if you were in an ill humour i but about with hct- 
' Get. I am in DO gocxi Dancing humour indeed. 
Exter Munfieur. 

Msnf. Well, how goes the Dancing forward ? what my 
Aunt h re to dUhiib 'cm again i 

2>M> Come, come. (Ger. ItsJi btr shmt. 

Cant. 1 fay Aand oS, tfuu (halt not come near, avtnd, 
Sitan, as they fay. 

DtH. Nay then we (ball have it Nephew, bold her a tinlpf 
that (be may not dUlutb 'em- come, now away with her. 

Gtr. One, two, and a Coupee. 
Fool'd and abus'd. C^jUt, 

Cant. Wilt thou lay violent hands upon thy own natural 
AuBt> Wretch? [72i Moufieur Mii^j^ Cautioo. 

DaiK Coow, about with ben. 

Ger. One, two, three, lour, and turn lottnd. 
By fuch a plKc of Innocqncy. (Jfidb 

Csut. Doll thou fee. Fool, howhc f^MCccsherband? 

Menf, That won*c do, Aual. 

Hiff* Pra/, Madci, have patience, and Ui't mad our h>- 

filKls... 

Dm. Why did youiingec him then, Hoffft look'ou? 
Cwt. Do vou fee how Ok faulo In hu Ucci and fyieact 
his hand now? • 

JUmf. 



The Qttrlkmm Daachg-Mtfier. 313 

M«i^- Your Scrnnta Aunt, that won't do, 1 lajr^ 
Hiff' HaTcnticnce, Mitter. 

Gtr. 1 am bccoroe bcr fpot* one, two, thiee. Death, 
Hdl, and thcDcTiL (^fide. 

Von. Ay> the/ are three hideed i but pny have patience. 
Camu Do you fee how (he leers upon turn, and clings to 
biiDi can you fuficr h ? 
Almf. Ay, ay. 

Gtr. One, two, and a flur, can you be fo unconoernM a^ 
laatl? 

Diw, What, it Ibe ioKonconM .' Hu0y, mfax) your bufi* 
ncfiL 

Gir. One, two, three, and mm loand, one, two, ^ 
back, Hell and Danmation. 

XtoM. Ay» People iall back indeed into Hell and Daomation, 
Heav'n knows. 

Gtr* One, two, three, and your Honour : I can fool no long- 
er. 

. CMt. Nor wiQ I be withTbeld any longa like 1 poor HeiHo 
her Pen, while the Kit* is carrying away her Chicken bcTorc 
bcr^. 

Don. What have you done } Wdl then let*» fix her dance it 
now to the Vblia 
Monf. Ay, ay, let*i fee herdince it tothe Violin. 
Cer. Another time, another tfnoe. 

l>em. Don't you belief e that, Friend ; thrlcDandng-maflers 
make no bones of breakbg their words. Did not you promtfe 
juftnowl Ibou'd Tee her dance it totheVkdio, and that I will 
too, bcCne 1 Air. 

Gar. Let Mcnfiatr play then while I dance with her, flic 
can't dantt alone. 

Monf I an't play it all, I'm bat a Learner * but If you'U 
l^y, I'll dance with her. 
Gtr. I can't play neither. 
Utii. What a Dandng-mancr, and not play / 
Csmt. Ay. you lee vtrhat a Dancing matter be Is. Tis as 
1 uAd you, 1 warrant ; A tSaiiciiignuftcr, and not day usnt 
(be Fiddle! 
pfir* How f 

..Dalz,;.,.C.OOQ|Bl»| 



314 Ihe Gentkmdn Dttftcing-Majier. 

Hipp. O y«i hive betiajM us all I if joaconfefsthat', you 
undo us Tot ever. (Afan to Gcr* 

Gtr. 1 cannot play, what wou*d you have me fay i 

Mmf. I TOW and fwcar we aie all undone if you cannot 
pU/ 

Dm. What, are you a Dancingmaftcc* and eamm f^y ! 
umph — — 

Hipf. He is only out of humour. Sin here, MaHer, Iktww 
you will, play for me yct> for he has an excellent hand. 

(SbeofferjGataxdtheyielM. 

Monf. Ay, that he has. 
hi givng a box on the Ear. {Afide, 

Don. Why does he not play then? 

Biff. Heie> MaAer, pray play fiw my lake. 

(GtveiGa.thtVUUii^ 

GtTi Whatwou'dyoahavemedowithii? lannotplaya 
. ftroke. 

Hif^ No, (fay, then, feemtoQiDC it, and break the firings 
(Afartte Go. 

Gir. Come then. 
Next to the Devil's the Invention of Women, they'll no mcot 
want an cxcufe to cheat a Father with, than an opportunity to 
abufe a Husban^ (AJidc. 

. But what do you give roe (iich a damn*d Fiddle with rotten 
firings for ? 

' (.Winds uf thi firings till thty breaks and tbrmfH the VmUb 
m tbt^reund. 

Dim. Hey day, the Dandng-maftet is frantick.. 

M>nf. \^ ha, ha, that people (hou'd be niade fudi Foob 
of. 

Catit. He broke the ftiings on ^rpofe, beaa|ile he cou'd not 
play, you are blind Brother. 
- Don. What, will you fcefiuthcrthan I? look you^. ' 

Hif^ But pray. Mailer, why, iiiifuchhafle? 

Qer, BeQufc you have done with me. 

Don, But don'c you intend to come to monow agen^ 

Gw. Your Daughter dodf not dcfife it. ' ' 

Dm. No matter, 1 do, 1 muQ be your pay-M)Acr I'm ivae^ 
I wou'd have you come betimes tot^ not only to make li£c' 
-^rfet^ i but lincc you have fo good a hand upon the yi9Hn. 



The Gentleman Dancing- Mafier. j i ) 

topla)ry(xiip2n with halfadozcnofMufioansmore, whom 
I wou*d have you biing mth youi foi wc will have a very 
merry Wedding, though a very private aiej you'll be fure to 
«omc? \ 

Ger. Your Daughter does cot dcfire it. , ; 

Don. Come, come. Baggage, you OiaO dcQic it'(^im> he 
|s your MaAer. 

JEfp. My Father will have me dcHre it of you, itfeems. 
Ger. 'But you'll make a Fool c^ roc agcn ; if I (hou*d come, 
)rou*d you not i 

Hipp. U I (hou'd tell you fo, you'd be fare not to come. 
Dm, Come, come, (be (ball not make a Fool of you, upoQ 
my word: I'llfecurcyou, (bcflialldo what you'll have her. 
Matf. Ha, ha, ha, fo, fo, filly Don. iAfidi^ 

Ger. But Madam, will you have me come ? 
Hipp. I'dhaveyou tO'knowfbt my part, 1 care not whether 
youcomeornO) therea[cotherE}ancing-mafters tobe had, \t 
ic ray Fathers rcqucfl to you : All that I have to fay to you is a 
Httle good advice, whidi (bccaufc I will not fiiamc you) 111 
0tve you in private. (H='W/^r/ Gerrard. 

Cmtt VVhat, will you let beiwhilper with him too? 
Dm. Nay, if you find fault with it, they (hall whiTperi 
though I did not like it b^ore, I'D ha' no body wifcr than my 
fflf ) but do you think if 'twere any luut, (be woa*d whifpn it 
to him before us ? 

' Caittt Hitbcnohurt, why does (he not fpeak aloud? 
Dm. Bccaufc flie&ys the win not put the man out c^Coun* 



' Cmu Heyday, put a Dandng-Maftet out of Countenance! 

Dm. You lay he is no Dancing- mafier. 

Ca»t. yts, for his impudence, he may be a Dandng-tiuflct. 

Dm. Well, well, let her wtiifpcr before mc as much as (be 
will tonight, fincc (he is to be marry'd to monow> efpecially 
Cncc hn Husband that (hall be, fiandi by confenting toa ' 

Menf. Ay, ay, let 'em whifpcr (as you fay) as much as they 
vrillbeforc we many. 

She's making more fport with him, I warrant ; but I won* 
^cr how people can be fool'd fo, ha, ha, ha. '' (Afi^i 

" Dm. Weil, a Penny for the fectet, Dau^ter. 

&pp. Itidccd, Fatha, you (behave it fo( nothing lotnoi- 
ro*. ; , ,. ■ ■ ..■^=. ; ; ^ -:. - i.^Dm^ 



3 15 the GentlmM DMcing-Mdfter, 

ZXw. Well, Friend, you wBl not fail to come. 
Ger. No, no. Sir. 

Y«lainaFoo!,tfldo. ,,, .^ C-^A-fc 

Dm. And befureyou bring the Ftddkn with you, as 1 bW 

VOUt 

Wfp. Yes, be furc .you bring the Fiddlen with you, « I 

Cmi. So, fo. Hell fiddk your Daughter out of tho Hou£e, 
mufl you have Fiddles, with a 6ddle, ^dle. 

Metf Lord ! that People (hou'd be made fudi Foob o#, 

hah, iaiL ,-_ 

fB*.. Don. Hipp. Monf. Caut. •W wue. 

Gtr. Fortune wc (boner may than V Voman tmft 
To her confiding Gallant (he is juft i 

But falfer VVomanonly him deceiTCS> . 

V Vho to her Tongue and Eyes moft credit g^ves. (Exa* 



ACT V. SCENE I. 

Enttr Moi^nir sad Black jtalkit^ ovtr tie Stt^i^ ta 
them Mr. Oetrard. 
Mmf.f^OOD Morrow to Thee, noble Dandng-mafia, 
\J ha, ha, ha* your little Black-Brother here, my 
'Maftei» I fee, is the more diligent man of the two i but why 
do you come b late i what you begin to oegled your Sch<^r, 
do you i Little black Mafia (cm LiettuW) pray get you out 
of the Room. Bxit Black. 

VVhat, out c^ humour, Mm ! a Dandng-mattei (btxiM be 
like hU Fiddle, always in Tunc Come, my CoaGa has made 
on Afsoftbce, wtut then, 1 know it. 
(^. Does he know it ^ (_AfiJt. 

14<mf. But fvothce dwi't fce mgry, *twas 4giecd upon betwixt 
Hs, before I fcQt you, tomakca Fodof thee, ha, ha, ha. 
Gw.VVasilfo? 

M^if. I kn^w you would be apt to entertain vain hopes 
fipm tiie Summons of a Lady i but laith the defign was but ts 
make a Fool of diee, as you iiod. 
Ga, *Tisveryv«B. ■ Mmf. 



7%e Geittlman Dtming^-M^fier, 317 

Mm/) But indeed 1 did not thinK the Jeft wou*d hm lafled 
To long, and diat nay Coufin wou*d have nude a Daadng-ma- 
ftcTof you, hs, ha, ha. 

Ger. The Fool has rcafim, I iind, and I am the Coxcomb 
while I thought him (b. (.-^'i*- 

Mmf. Come, I fee you arc uneafle, and the Jcft of being a 
Dancing-mailer grows tedious to you i buthiveaUttlcpationor, 
the Patfon is fcnt for, and when once my Coulin and I ate inat- 
ijiM, my Uncle may know who you aic. 

Qtt. lamcertainiyabas'd. 

Mmf. What do Vou.&y ? (KonCIi/ftwf. 

Ger. MeerlyfoolU (JfiJe* 

Mmf. Why do you doubt it > ha, ha, ha. 

Oer. Cart it be > (^fiJt. 

Monf. Pifh, pifh, (be told me yeAerdayas loon as yni vmt 
gone, that (he had led you into a Fools Paradife, and made 
you bdicve fiu wou'd go away with you, ha, ha, ha. 

Ger. Did fhe jb ^ 1 am no longer to doubt it then f (^JiJt. 

Monf. Ay, ay, (he makes a mccr Fod of thee, I vow mA 
fwcar> but don't be concern'd, thae's hardly a man of a thou- 
fandbut has been made a Fool of by fome VVoman 01 othei ; 
I have been made a Fool of my felf, man, by the Women, I 
have, I TOW and fwear, 1 have. 

Ger. VVcH, youhave.Lbflicvelt, for you arc a Coxcom!^ 

Mmf. Lord ! you necfi not be fo touchy with one, I tell you 
but the truth for your-^ood, ^ though (he docs, I wou'd 
not foot you any longer \ bat prelhee dont be troubi'd at what 
can't be helped, VVotnen are made on purpofc to fool men 
when they arc Children, they fool their Fathers < and when, 
they havetakcn their leaves of their Hanging-flecves, they feed 
their Qallants or Dancing-mallets, ha, ha, ha. 

Ger. Hark you, Sir, to be foolM byaWomanyou &yis 
not to be help'd i but I will not be fool'd by a FooL 

Mmf, You fiiew your Englith breeding now, an EngWh 
Rhral Is fo dull and btutifh as not to undetnand raillery, but 
what is fpokcn in your Paffion, I'll take no notice of, for 1 am 
your Friend, and would not have you my Rival to make your 
felf ridiculous. Come, prcthee, pctbce, don*t be fo con< 
cein'd t for as 1 was faying. Women fiift fool their Faiheri, 
then thrii G^lants, and then their Husbands \ (o that it win 
. . _., be 



te my turn to be lbcil!cLtoo ; ffor your comfort^ and nhetl 
they come to be Widows, they would foot the Devil 1 Tofr 
and fweai. Come, come, deai Gerrardy prithee don't be out 
of humour and tookfo fillily.' 

Ger. pKthce do not talk fb tillily. 

Meijf. Nay, faith I am rc&)lvM to beat you bat of this ill 
humour. 

GtT. Faithi I am afraid I Ihall iirft beat you into ia ill hu- 
mour. ' 

Mmf. Ha, ha^ ha, that thou Ihould^ft be guU'd fp by a 
little Gipfev) who left off her Bib but yellcrday ; tatdi J can't 
but Iiugh at thee. 

Gtr. Faiih then I (hall make your mirth (as bring jtoo yb-, 
lent J conclude in Ibtne Utile mif-fottunc to you. The Fool 
begins totx tyranntal. 

Monf. Ha, ha, ha, poor angry Danciiig-Ma^irt prrtheC 
match mf Spanifh pumps and legs with one of your bell and . 
ncwett Sarabands i ha, lia, ha, come ■ ' — 

Ger. 1 will match yout SpaniCh Ear, thus, ^ir, and make 
you Dance thus. (Strikfi mid kicks biiih 

Monf. How ! fay, fa, (a, then I'll make you DatKe thus. 

CMonf. drtnin bit Swtrdandrmttt bimfhin G.tx,dr0ii^ 

hv htretirei. 

Hold, hold a little : A dentate difappointe^ Lover will cut 

his own throat, then fuie he will make nothing of cutdng lus 

Bivals throat. {■^fiJt- 

Ger. Confideratton is an Enemy to figbdug y if yoa asvt 
a mind to revenge, your fel^, your Sword's in yout haird. 

Mouf. Vis^-, Sir, hold your peace ; I'll ne'er tike , my Ri* 
,vab counfel bc't what 'twilL 1 know what you wou'd be at i 
youaredifappCMntedofyour Miftrcfi, and coa'd hang yourfelf, 
and therefore will not fear hanging j but I am a fuccclsAil Lo- 
ver, and need ndthcr hang for you nor my Mtftrefe < nay, if 
I (hould kill you, I know I Qiould de you a kindnels ; therefore 
c*en live to die daily with envy of my tuppinclsj but if you wilt 
needs die, kill your felf and be damn d few rae I vow and 
fttear. 

Ger* But won't you fight fotyoijr MiltreG ? 

Monf. I tell you, you {hall not have the honour to be kill'd 
furheiibelidcs, t willnotbehit in thctccthbyhetaslmgasl 

life 



. Tit GentkmM. Daneirtg-Majler: 3 ,^ 

live with the great love you had fcx her. Women fpcak well 
iiftbttidead-HH^niidsj what will riiey do of their dead Gal- 
lants ? 

Ger. But if you will not fi^t fot her, you (ball Dance for 
her, fince you dcfn'd me teach 70U to Dance too \ I'll teach 
you to Dance thus " 

{Strikes his Sword at its Legs-, MonOcut Usfsl 
Mmf. Nay, if it be foi the &kc oi my MiAiefi, there's no- 
(hii^l will lefule to do. 

Gtr. Nay, you mull Dance on. 

JMmf. Ay, ay, for my Mifliels and Sing too, la, la, la, la, b. 

EtUer Hif^liU and Pnic. 
Hiff.Vi\at. Swords drawa betwxit yoa two ? what's the 
matter ? 

M»/: Is (he here ? _ (Afidt. 

Gooie put up your Sword ; you (ce this is no place fbr us > but 
the Devil eat mc, if you (hall not eat my Swonlj bu^ -— — 
' Miff. What'j the matta, Coufin ^ 
Alimf, Nothing nothing, CouHn i but yom prelcnce is a 
Sanduaryfor my greateft Enemy, or elft, tefie nam 
H$pf. What, you have not hurt my Coufin, Sir, I hope ? 

(To Ger. 
. Ger. Hov (he's comem'd fi» turn* nay, then I need not 
doubt, my feus are true. (.Afide. 

Mmf. What was that you faid, Coufin! hurt roe, lu, ha, 
ha, hurt mc .' if any man hurt mc, hemuft do it tufely ; be 
Ihallnc'ccdoit whenroy Sword'sdraw, (a, la, fa. 
tbff. Bccaulc you will ne'er draw your Sword perhaps. 
Mmf. Scuivily guefs'd. (AJtde. 

YouLadiesmay&y any thing; but, CouGn, ptaydonot you 
Calk of Swords and fighting, meddle with your Guitar, and 
talk of daiKing with your Dancing- mader there, ha, ha, ba. 

Hiff* But I am a&atd you have hurt my Mailer, Coului, 
he lays nothing i can he drawn his breath > 

Aiffi^. No, 'tis ycMi have hurt your Mafler, Coufin, in the 

vety heart CouGnj and thaefore he wou'd hurt mc i for Love 

is a difcaie makes people as malicious as the Plague does. 

Hifft Indeed, poor Mailer, fomcthing docs ail you. 

Monf. Nay, nay, Coudn, hith don't ab'ule him any kmgcr, 

he's an honcft Gcntkman, and has been long of my acqualn- 

tance. 



390 Th GentUmm Damit^-MAfier, 

UMce, aiiJamanofto1«nble(cn(ctotikehimautofhbL<m; 

but fvitheC} Coufin, doD^c drire the Jeft too &r for n|f 

tike. 

Gtr, Hecoanick you well, pUafantcunnins-pking-MifilQr 
^ hisfaltei fbi if I am your diTcnifcment, itlbaUbeat hbooA, 
£ncc lie's your Gallinc Jn favour. 
Hiff \ don't undcrihnd yon. 

Moitf. But I do, a pox take him, and die Culfaxn tint (o 
orders it, forfooth > that if a Lady abufe or a0itont a nnau, pie- 
fentty the GalUnt tnuli be beaten, tuy what's noKUiweaibm- 
bie, if a Woman abufe her Husband, the poor Cuckold nuifi 
bear the (hamc as well as the injury. {AfiJt, 

Hifp But what's the matter, Mafter ? what wis it you 
, fiid ? 

Get. I fay plcafant, cunning jilting Lady, though yoa make 
tH'm a Cuckold, it will not be rcwnge enough for me upon bim 
fiw mattying you. 

Hipf. How, my furly, hi^ng, iealous, ini^r>, fawcy Mafta f 

^^f. Vivfi nay, ^ith give lo(m leave to fpcalt, lo&n 

of Miiirefles efpccially, ha, ha, ha. Betides, youi anger ii 

too great' a favour for him, I fcom to honour turn wkh 

nine you fee. 

Bipp, I tell you, my fancy MaAer, my Confin fliaU ncm 
be made that nannftrous thing (you mention) by tnc. 

Afimf. Thank you, I vow and fweat, Coeliti, no, no, I 
never thought I Oiould. 

'^ Ger. Sure you tnarry him by the ^ Maxim of your Seit 
whkHi b, Wittals make the befi Husbands, that Is Cukolds. 

Hifp. Indeed, Mailer, whatfoever you think, I wou4 ken- 
cr chufe yOt) for that purpofe than htm. 

Manf! Ha, ha, ha, there (he was with Um, i*Guth, I thank 
you for that, Coufin, I vow and fwear. 

Hifp. Nay he ihall thank me for that too ; but how came 
jaa two to quatrcl ? 1 thought, Coultn, you lud had tnonr wit 
than to quaire), or more kindnrls for me than to quarrel ben i 
What if my Father hearing the BuAIe (hou'd have come in^ he 
wou'd have foon difcover'dour falfeDancing-aiafter (lor po^on 
unmasks every man^and then the lefultofyotutpund had been 
my ru'ine. 

,- I Mmf. 



l^eGentlemiM D'mehg-Mafier, 321 

MmfUxf, you had both felt his.dcfperatr, deadly, sJaunC- 
ing Daggers there are yourdtsfoi you 

Hipf, Go, go. prefenrly therefortartd hinder my Father hem 
coining in, whiUli put my Maftet into a better humoui. that we 
may not be difcovcr'd, to the picrention' of out Wedding, or 
worft, when he cotiicT, go, go. 

Moaf. Well, wcH, I will, Coufin, 

Hipp. Be fure you let hiiti not cotnc in this gorxl while/ 

Motif. No, no, I warrant you. (Mont goes 4Hit anJ r.'turnj'. 

But if he fliou'd come before I wou'd have him, I'll come 
before him and cough ^nd hawk foundly, that you may noi be 
fiuprifcd. W(Mi't that do well, Coulin ? 

Hipp. Very well, pray be gone. (£x/^ Mopfieur, 

Well, Ualler, iince I tind you are i^rtcirome and melancholy, 
and wouM have taken tnc away without a Portion, three in- 
Alible ligns of a true (j3ver, Faith hne^ my hand now in eat* 
nelt, to lead me a Dance as long as I live. 

Ger, HowN this ? you furpiife me as much as when firll I 
found fo much Beauty and Wit in Company with fo much In- 
nocency. But, . Deareft, I would be alTuiM of what you ray,and 
yet dare not ask the (^ucftion. You h^o not abufe me againj 
you h — ■ — will foo! me no more fure. 

Hipp: Yes but I will fure. 

Cer. How ! nay, I was afraid onV. 

tiipf. For I fay" you are to be triy Husband, and you fay 
Hu^nds muft be Wittals, and fome Grange things to boot. 

Ger. Well, I will take my Fortune. 

£t^^. But have a caic, lalb man. 

Cer. I will venture, 

Hipp. At your peril, remember 1 wilh'd you to have a car^ 
fore-warn'd, forcirm'd. 

P™. Indeed now that's fair i for mbft men arc fore-arm'd 
before they arc wain'd. 

Hipp, ^ain dealing is Tome kind of honefly however, and 
few Aomcn wou'd have faid fo much. 

Ger. None but thofe who would ddight in ahusbands Jea- 
toulie, as the proof of his love and her honour. 

Hifp. Hold, Sir, let us have a good undeillanding betwixt 

otK another at firft, tha^ we may be long Friends i 1 differ 

from you in the point, for a Husbands jcalouGe, which cun- 

Y nins 



^23 Tbe Gentleman Davafig, Mafierl 

ning men wou'd pafs upon thctr\Vives foi a Complemmt is 
the worft can be made 'cm, tor indeed it is 2 Complement, to 
theii Beauty, but an affront to theii Honpui^ 

Gtr. Bur, Madam—— 

Hipp. So tbac upon die whole nutter I conclude, jcalouGe 
in a Gallant is liumble true Love, and the height of refped, 
and only an undervaluing ofhimfelfto overvalue her i biuina 
Husband 'tts arrant Tawcinefs, cowardife, aiidillbicediog, aod 
not to be fuffcr'd, 

Gir. I Itand corrcdcd, gracious MiTs. 

Hipp. Well but bare you brought the Gciitlcioen Fidlos 
with you as 1 dcfircd ? 

Gtr. They arc below. 

Hipp. Aic they arm'd well ? 

Ger. Yes, they have IiiHiumaits.too that aic not of wood ■ 
but what will you do with ihcoi ^ 

Hipp. What did you think I intended to tlo with them ? 
when [ whifpei'd you to bringOenlleiren of ypar acquatntamx 
inflead of Fidlas, as my Faiher dclir'd you. to bring v pnj 
what did you think I intended ? 

Ger. Faith, e'en tomakcFoolsof the Gentlemen-Fidlers, as 
you had done of youi Gentleman Dancing-Mader. 

Hipf. I intended *em for our guard aiN defence againft my 
Fathers Sf«nf/% and GifjfMy force, when we were to make out 
retreat from hence, and to help us to take the keys from my 
Aunt, who has been the watchful Portcrof this Houfc this twelve' 
months ) and this delign (if your heart do not fail you} we will 
put in execution, as foon as you have given youi Fiicnds be- 
low inliru^ions. 

Gp". Ate you fureyour heart will Aand tight Hill? )'ou 
flinched laft night, wIkd I little cxpeded it, I am fuic 

Hipp. The time lad night was not fo pioper for us as now, 
for reafons I will give you ; but befidcs that I confc^, I had i 
cnind to try whether your interefl did not fway you more than 
your love > whether the twelve hundred pounds a year I toU 
Df> had not tnade a greater imprcflion in your heart than Hif- 

felita; but finding it orhciwife yet hold, perhaps upon 

confidaation you are grown wifer ; can you yet, as 1 Cud^ be 
fo dcfperate, fo out offaHiion, as to ftcal a Womw with no- 
thing ? 

Gtr. 



■TleGeutletifaft DMchg-Majitr. 323 

Ger, Willi you I can want nothing, nor can be imde t^ 
any thing moie tlcti 01 hiwy. 

Hiff. Think well again i can you take me without thd 
twelvchunclrecl pounds a yeaci the twelve hundred pounds d 
ycai ? • .. 

Ger. Indeed, Mifs, now you begin to be unkind again, aild 
ufe me wi»(e thin e'er you did. 

ttiff. Well, though you arc fo modeft a Gentleman i% to 
fufTer a Wife to be. put upon you with nothing, I have 
more Confcieiice d»h to do it: I have the twelve hundrtd ' 
pounds a year outofmyFathet'spowei, which is yours add 
I un forry it is not the Indies to tnend your bacgairi. 

Gtr. Dear Mils , you but cncreafe my fcan, and not my 
wealdi : pray let us make haR away, I dclirc but to be fecurc 
of you i come, what are you thinking of ? 

Hifp- 1 >ni thinking if f(Kne little filching inqullitivePoet 
fhou'd get my Aoiy, andrepreTcnt it to the Stage s what tbo(<! 
Ladtn, who are never prcdfe but at a Play* wou'd fay of m0 
now tthat ( were a confident coming piece , I warrant, and 
they wou'd damn the poor Poet for libeliihg the Sex ; but fufe 
though Igivemy {elf and fortune away fi:vil(lyi without the ' 
content of my Friends, my (Confidence is lefs than tbcus, vAkj 
iland oif only for frparate maintenance. 

Ger. They wouM be Widows befbre thdrtinte, have a Hus- ' 
band and no Husband : but let us be gone, IcaA fortune (hou'd 
recant my hapf^nefs^ now you arc tlx'd my dejrefl Mils. 

.(HekifnttrbjitJ. 
'Enter MtHificur coughing, and Don Diego. 

Hiff. Oh here's tny Father. 

IXiM. How now Sir ! what kifltng hei hand i what mean< 
that, Friehd, ha.' Daughter, ha 1 do you permit tl^ Infolencei 
ha .' ( •Veto a mi bntra. ) 

Ger. We are prevented again. 

Hiff. Ha| ha, ha^ y Du are To full of yoatSfsnilh Jeiloufie,Fl- 
therj whr you mull know he is 3 City lAndng mafier, and 
they, fiAfooth, think it tiiic to kl(s the harfd at the HoncKtf 
lyfore the Corant. 

Mf^. Ay, ay, ay, Uocte, 'don*t you know that ? 

D«. Go to, go to, you are ani eafle fftiith Fod, there » 
moK in it ibaa fo, k»k you. 

Y 2 Mmf* 



314 TheQentkmanDMcing'Mdfiefl 

Mmf. 1 vow and fwear thae's notWng more in*t, if youHi 
believe one. Did not I cough and hawk i a }fcalous piadcnc 
Hyaband couM not cough and hawk louder at the approadi oC 
hisWivcs Chamber in vWiting-timc, and yet you wou'd not 
hear me, he*ll m^ke 'no,w ado about notlung, and jou'll.be dif- 
covn'd both. (Afide to Hipp, and Oa. 

Von. Umph^umph, nd,nQ, I feeitplain, heisnoDancing- 
mafler, now I have found it out, andl'think I can lee as &t in- 
to matccis as another : I have found it noV, look you. 

Gtr, My fear was prophetical. 

Bifp. WhatlkiU we do> nay, pray. Sir, db not (tit yet: 

CGer. (f^eri to go out wHhher. 
Enter Mrt. Caution. 

Caut. What's the matter. Brother? what's the tnattet? 

"Don. I have found it out, Siflcr, I have found it out, Stfta, 
this Villain here is no Dancing matter, lut a dilhonourer of my ' 
Hojle and Daughter, I caught hira kifling tier hand. 

Monf.. Pifh, pilh, you are 2 ftninge5yi««/& kind of an Undc, 
tliat you are, a dilhpnouier of your Daughter, becaufe he kifled 
her hand \ pray haw cou'd he honour her moie? kc Id&M ha 
hand, you iec, while he was making his Honour t6 her. 

Po«.' You arc an unthinking, fhallow, Frncb Fop, voto— 
But I tell you SillerJ have thought of it, and have found it our, 
he is no Dancing' maftcT, Silter. Do you remember the whif- 
pering lait night ? I have found out the meaning of that too, 
andltell you,. SUler, he's no Dandng-maltet, I have'found 
it out, 

CjMt. You found it out, marry come up, did not I tell you 
always, he was no Dancing mailer ? 

Don. You tell me, you filly Woman, what then ? what of 
that i you tfll me, de' think I heeded what you told tne ? but 
1 tell you now I have found it out. 

CsMt. I fay I found it out. 

Don, I fay 'tis falfe, Goflip, I found him out. 

Cata. I fay I found him out firfl, fay you Whit vou. wiH. 

Don. Siller Afum, not flich a word again, guards — yoa 
found him out.' ' : . " . 

Okt. Niy, I muA fubmit, otdifletDble like other prudent 
Women, or- ' ' - "■ 

DmJ Come, come, Sifter, Jake if&i^tii'idf/ heisooDin- 
cifiS-"^*'*"' ' ' D.,„..,Co(.>';L Cm*. 



the QentUmm Dattew^-MMjitr. 3 zj 

Cant. O yes, be is a Dancing- maftcr. 

Dot. Whit will jrou be wikr than I cVery way ? retncm- 
ber the whilpcring, I fay. 

Caut. So^ he thinks I fpcak in eamell,' thcp I'll 6t him flill. 

But what do vou talk oS thni whUpcring, ihcy' wou'd not 
whifpcr any ill befoicusfure. (iAfide, 

£>oa, Will ywiHll be an Idiot* a Dolt, and fee nothing. 

Alenf. Lotd .' yoa'll be wirei than ail the Wotid, wilt you > 
are w« ^ot<Eill againfi you i pfliaw, pfhaw, 1 m^ei faw fuch 
a Doniflimo as ypu ^, I vow ^nd f^cai. ' . 

Dm. ]^o,-Stftpi, hc'snpD^ndn^maflci; foinowlthtnb 
on'c too, he cpp*d not play upon the Fiddle. 

Cai^. Pi(h, pi(h] what Dancing-mallci can play upon a 
Fiddle without (tilings } 

Dof, Ag^> J^' you he bfohe Vm on purpofe, betaufe 
he OHi'd not play ; I have found it out now, Sifter. 

Gmt- Nay, you fee ^rther tfian I> Brother. 

CGer. offtri to lead htr emU 

l^p. For Heaven's fake ftir not yet. 

Pdib BcGdes, if you remember they wcie perpetoany putting 
mcoutoftheKuom, thatwas, Sifter, bccaufe they had a mind 
to he alone, I have found that out too : Now, Siller, look 
you, he is no Dancmg-tnalUt' 

Cauu But has he n(« given her a LeiTon often before you i 

Von. I but, SiQer, he did not go about his busVds likie a 
Dancing-mafler * but gp^ go dowp to the door, fome body 
lingv (^^'^ Caution. 

Mmlt I vow and fwfear Uncle he is a Dancing-mailer > 
pray ^ sppcas'di Lord d'e think I'd tell you a lye^ 

Don, Ii it [vove labe a lye, and you do not confcTs it, 
tlvough you va tny ncyt Heir af^cr my Daughter, I will dif- 
own ihce at mu;h a^. I c)o her, bt thy folly and trcadiciy to thy 
lelf, as well as me i you may have her, but never my cOatc 
look .you. 

Monfi How / I mull look to my hits then. (.A(ide. 

Don. Look to't. 

Mmf. Tfactj I had bed confc& all, before he dilcoya all, 
which he will foon da 

Ester Pailbn. 
O hen's the Pufoi too.' he wtm'c be in cholcr notbrandini 
Yj Toledo 



12(5 The Gentiemnn Daitchg-Majier. 

Toledo before the Parfon lure > (^JjUt, 

Wdl, Uncle, I mud confefs, rather than lofcyom &vour, he 
' is nu Dancing- maAci* 

Don. No. 

Gtr. What has the Fool betray'd us then at laft ? nay, then 
'(is time to be gone') come away, Mif^ {Going eitt. 

Don. Njy, Sir, if you pafs this way, my ToltJo will paft 
that way» look you. 

{Thrums at bim with bit SvfortL 

mpp, O hold, Mr GirrarJ^ h W, Father ' 

M'fif. 1 tell you Uncle he's an honed Gendeman, means 
no hurt, and came hither but upon a Fioliclt of mine and your 
Daughters.' (Sleft hit Uuck, 

Don. La-lroii, Tiaidor, 

tthnf, I tell you all's but a jeft, a meet jeft, I vow and 
fwcar. 

Dan. A jcft, jeft with my honour voto, ha I no Famil]! to 
dilhonour but die Grave i Wife, Moble, Honourable, lUii- 
flrtous, PuilTant, and right WoHhipful Fannilyof the Forwulii 
my, lam contented tb reprieve you, 'till yaiknow who you 
liavc difhonouTcd, and waviOt you of (he greatnefs of yoni 
crime before you die, we are ckfccnded, look you-- - - — ^ 

Monf. Nay, pray Uncle heat me. 
. Dm. I &y, we are dcfcendcd. 

fidrnf. *ris no matter for that. 

pm. And my great, great, great Grand father was; 

Monf. Well, well, I have hHnethlng to hy more ta Ha 
purpofc. 

Don. My great, great, great Grand father, I fay, was-— • 

Monft Well, a Pin-maker in- — 

"Dm. But he was a pcntleman for all that. Fop, for be was 
a Serjeant to i Company of the Train-bands, and my great 
great, great Gratkl f^th^ was. 

^imf. Was his Son, what d)cn ? won't you let mc dear 
tliis Gentleman }" ■ ■ 

pun. He was, he was *— — . • 

JMon/.'He wasaFdt-maker, his Srai a Wine Copper, your 
Father a Vintner, and fo you came M be a Canary Machant. 

Don, But we were llitf GendemM; foi our Co^t was as the 
Hc^j«% _ | I I was . . , ■ 



Vte Gentleman Vnneing-Mafier, 317 

AiMf- WaS} fourfign vns the Three Tuns, and the Fkld 

Canaiy > now let me tell you this honeft Gentleman 

Don. Now that you IhouM due to dilhonour this Family i 
by <h<! GriTM of my Anceftois in Great Saint Ellati Chinch— 
Monf. Yard. ft 

P«fft Tliou duU dyt fotV, ladioa. (Kiait at GatwA, 

Mtnft Hold, hotd> Unde, are yoaniiad ? 
Hifp. Oh, oh. , 

Monf. Nay then, by* your own Spani^ rules of honour 
Cthouglihebemy Rival) I mull help him, (Draws bit Sword. 
lince Ibiought him into danger. (Afide. 

SuK he will not Ihew his valour upon his Nephew and Son-in- 
Law, otheiffilc I {hou'dbe afraid of (hewing mine. 
Hert Mr. Gtrrard, go in here, nay, you (hall go in, Mi.Ger- 
rardt I'll fe^ure you 3ll> and Parlbn do you go in too with *cai, 
for I &t you aic afraid of a Sword and the other World, though 
you talk, of it fo bmiliarly, and make it fo fine a place. 

(,Opea>» de«r,jmd tbrufis Gerraxd, HippoUta and Parlbn in, 

Hhenjhuts it, andptardi it with bis Stvord, 
Don. Tu tpieque, Brutt, 

Mimf. Nay, now Undc you muliundcrftend realty i what, 
you are not only a Dm, but you are a Von $^ixot too, I vow 
and fwcar. 

Don. Thoufpot, fploach of toy Family and Blood >■ I will 
have his blood, lodkyou. 

Maaf. Pray good Spanifl) Unctc, have but patience to hear 
me > fuppofc— ■! fay, {uppofe be had donej done, done 
the feat to your Daughter. 

Don. How> done the feat, done the feat, done the feat, Ea 
bora maU, 

Monf, I fay, fuppoft, fuppofc—— 
Don. Suppofc— — — 

Monf. I lay, fuppofe he had, for I do but fuppo& it ; well, 
I am rtady to mairy hci howeva i fiow MarriaRe b as good a 
Solder few crack'd Female honour, a^ blood, ana can't you fuf- 
fec the Ihame but foe a quarter of an hour, till the Parfon hat 
marry 'd us, and then if there be any {hame, it becomes mine > 
for here in England, the Father has nothing to do with the 
Dau^ters buline&, honour, what deV call't, when once Qw's 
imrry'd, de'c fee. 

. ¥4 ,si>«». 



3 18 The Gentleman Doftcwg-M^er. 

Dim- England! whar d*e ttll mc of Ef^/M^ ^ IllbcaSsa* 
niard A'lll, veto a me hora, and I will be KTci^g'd, PjtJrta 
Juan, Sanchez,. (Calls at the doar. 

Enter Mrs. Caut. foUow'd by Flirt and Fbu.jin.P'tcarJ Msikl. 
Cum. What's the matter. Brother ? 

Don. Pedro, Sanchez, Juan, but «^Q a^f: dvfr. Sifter ? 

are they not men in Wotjncns Cloaths > .what make the)' here? 

Caut. They arc relations, they hy, of my Oxilins, who 

prcfs'd in when I let in (hePar^n^thcyT^y myCoulin invited 

"em to his Wedding. 

Mo'f Two of mj- relations, ha— — -they are my CouBns 
indeed of the other night -, a Pux ukc 'em, but ihat^s no CioTc 
for 'f mi a Plague take 'cm then, but how came they hrce ^ 

Don.- Now muff 1 have witnelTes too of the diflitHioiv of my 
Family i it were Spanifli Prudence to difpatch 'etn away qui <rf 
thcHoufe, tcfoic I bfginmy iCPcnge. {,Afida. 

Whatareyoui' what make youherc? whownt'd youfpcafe 
with^ 
"Flirt. vj'i'Cn. Mmfitwr. 
Don. Here he is. 

A/tfff/. Now will thefe Jades di&rcd|c tn;, andfpMl my 
match i6h*in the coupling minute. 
Pan. t>d you know'em ? 

Aieof. Yes, Sir, fuie, I know 'em. Pray, Ladies, £iy as 

I fay, or ynu will fpoi) my Wedding, for 1 <tn:)utlgoingtofae 

marry 'd, and if my Unck, or MiArels QuAild know whoyou 

are, it might break off the match. {AJUetM^em. 

Floun. We come on purpofc to break the match. 

Monf. How ! 

fHrt. Why, de*e think to marry and leave us fo in the lurch* 

Monf. What do thejadts mean ? AfiJt. 

Don. Come, who are ibey ? what wou'd they have > It they 

come to the Wedding, Ladies, I aiTurc you there will be oooc 

today here. 

himf. The/ won't troutrie you, Sir> thev are £ping agam> 

Ladies, you hear nhat my Uncle (aysi I know you won't 

(rouble him. I wifti 1 were well rid ot 'era. ■ ( Afide, 

Floun. You fiiall not think to put us oft fa iAjide. 

Don, Who ate they? what arc tbeic Duties ^ 

Flirt, Wc are. Sir -» 

'"^"'■' _ .,^^.^ J/<gf. 



TUGentUmm DMewg-i/Ufler. . 3^9 

AAn/I Na?! foi Heaven's fake don't tdt who you aie, for 

you «iU undo me, and Tpoil my match in&Uibly (AjUt to 'em. 

FUmi. VVeciTCnot, 'tis our bufiocfs. 10 fpoil matches. 

Mtiip You need not, fix, I believe marrt 'd men are yout 

be Cuftomers, for greedy Batdiellots take up'with their Wives. 

Doa. Come, piay Ladies, if-you have'nobulincfshfre. be 
plcas'd to redre, for few of at are in humoiii to be fo civil to 
you, as you may delcTvc. - 

MMf. Ay, prethee dear Jides get you gone. 

Ftirt* We will not ftir. 

Don. Who arc they, I lay, Fool, and why don't they go ? 

Flom. We are, Sir— 

MmC- Hold, tuld. 
They aiepafcwis of honour and qoahty, and— — 

FliTf. We ue no petlons of honour and quality, Sir, we 
aie 

Mtnf They are modeft Ladio, and being b a hind of iiC- 
guife, will not own their quality. 

Flewi. We modcft Ladies.' 

Arbnf. Why ? foinetimes you are in the huitl<5ur to pafs fet 
Women of honour ind quality ; prethee, dear Jades, let your 
modefiy and greatneftcome upon you now. (4fiJt to *em. 

Flirt. Come, Sir, not to delude you, as he wou'd have us, 
Weare — 

Mmf. Hold, hold 

Flirt. Hw other night at the French Houfei ' . — 

Monf, Hcdd,. Ifay, 'tis even true as GerrW fays, the Wo- 
men will tell, I lee. . 

KCowt. If .youwouM have het filent, ftop her mouth with 
that ting. (t^ioff bit ringmdgivii it htr. 

Muif Will that do% here, here 

*Tis worth one hundred and My pounds i 
Biit I muft notluTe my match,! mull not loft a Trout for aFly. 
That men AkhiM live to hire Women to filcnce. 

EHttr Gcrrard, Hippolita, I^ufon, andPtat. 

Den. Oh, are you come agen/ 
(Drswi his Sword and runt st^aa, MonGeut holds bim. 

Monf. Ch, hold, hold, Oncle * 
What are you mad, Gerrard, to expo& yom ^ to a new 
danger ? why wou'd you comC out yet ? . , - , 

. • . ■ I- ■■-■ ■^''~'*'8'x;.r. 



33© the GmtlemM Diming-Mafitri 

Gir, Bcaufc our danger now is over, I thank tTie PirfoQ 
there. And now we mult beg {Ga. mJ Hipp, kjieel, 

Menf. Nay, Faiih, Uncle, forgive him now, iince he asks 
you forgivencis upon bis knees, and my poor CouEn (oo. 

Hiff. You are miiUkcnj Coufin^ we ask him blrfliRg, and 
you lorgivenels. 

Monft How, how, how .'what do you talk of B'cfling ^ what 
do you ask yout Father blctTing, and he ask vat focgivcncfe ^ 
But why fliou'd be ask nK rorgivcncfs i 

Hiff. Becaufc he asks my Fathers blefling. 

Mcnf. PlQigpiOl, I dont undernand^fou, I vowand&mar. 

Hipp. The Paifon will expound to you, Coulin. 

Monf. Hey .' wliat fay you to it, Parfon ? 

Farf. They arc tnarryM Sir. 

Manf. Miafdl 

Cant. Marry'd .' fo I told you what 'iwou'd come to. 

jyon. You told US " ' 

Mmf. Nav, fheis. fetting.up,(or the iqxitatlonof a Whcb. 

T>im. Many'd, Juan, Saacbea, Vidro, arcD, arm, aio). 

Cmm, a Witch, a Witch : 

Hipp. Nay, indeed Father, now we are tnany'd you had 
better call the Fiddlers i CaU'em Prw quickly. (Ex. Pnic. 

Mvaf. VVho do you fay marry*d, Man ^ 

Ptrft V/as I not fent for on purpofe to marry 'em ? why 
(hou'd you wonder at it ? 

Moit/. No,i>o, you wacfomaiTytne,Man, toheiilknew 
there was a midalcc in't Tome how ; you were mecily miftakcii, 
.'thenffoieyou mult do your Bulinefs over again foi me aow: 
The Parlbn was mittaken, Uncle, it ftcifts, h«, ha, hi. 
. Caut- \ fuppofc live or iix Guinifs made him make the nu- 
fbke, which wilt not be rci^ify'd now Nephew > they'll marry 
all that come near 'em, and for aGuincy os two, care not 
what mifchief they do, Nephew. 

Don. Marry'd, Vtdro-, Stme&ez. ? 

Mmf. How,andmuft(hc bchisWifethenforevciandcva^ 
have I held the door then for this like a Fool as I was? 

Cttttt. Ycsj ind^d. 

A/i)H/.Have IwornOolilia here for this ^ttleBiecches For tWs ? 

Caia. Yes, truly. 

Monf. And put on the Spanil^ hotwut witf^ the haUt, in 4q- 



The Gentleman Di»rcing-MM/ler'. 3^1 

fending my Rival > nay^ ttim I'll haveanotbn turn of honour 
in Kvenge.Cotne} Uncle, I'm of your lulcnow,(a, fa, fa, but 
let's flay fbt our force, Sanchez^ Juan^ Ptdrt, arm, arm, aim. 

fiwer f iM BUcks, MdthiSfavmdfoliow'dbyPtDCiliSaxtiat 
and five other GtntUmtn tike FiJJlrrt, 

T>Mt Murder the Vitlain^lt him. ^Rtmnitig mS uptn Gcc 

Mart. Hold,ho)d, Sir. 

Dm. HownoW} who fait for you, Friends? 

Mart, WeFiddieiSjSirfbftencomcunrcntfor. 

Dm* And you vc often kick'd down flajts for't too. 

Mart. N<!i, Sir> our Company was never kick'd 1 think. 

Dem. Fiddlers, and not kick'd ? then to pit&iTe yoor Virgin 
honour, get you down flairs quickly i for we ate not at prefcnt 
diQx»'d much for mirth, roto. 1 

Mtnf. fttfiag. A pox jis it yoa,]s it yon, A/^rrfyn^ nay, Un- 
cle, then tis in vain i foi they won't be kick'd do^n flairs, to 
my knowledge. They aTcXjcntlemcn-Fiddlcrs^birooth,! pox on 
all Geiitlemcn-Fiddlersand Gentlemen Dancing- maflcrs%l.. 

Don. How ! ha. ( Paiifirg. 

Motif. Well, Flirty ncm I atn a Match for thee, nowlmay 
keep you, and there's little cKJference betwixt keeping a Wcndi 
ancf Manlage, only Mairiage b 3 little the dicaper > but theo- 
ther is the more honouiabJe now, vtrt & blot, nay now I 
may fwear a Frtneb Oath too. Come, come, I am thine, let 
us ffaike up the Bargain, thine according to the honouraUelo- 
tlihition ot Keepine, come. 

Flirt. Nay hold. Sir, two Words to the Bargab,. firtt I 
have ne'er a Lawyer here to draw Aitklesand Settlements. 

Mmf, How / is the Weald come to that f a Man cannot 
keep a Wench* without Aitklcs and Settlements, nay then 'tis 
c'cn as bad as Marriage indecd,and there's no difference betwixt 
a Wife-and a Wench. 

- flirt. Only in CohabitatU)n, for the firfl Article {hall be 
againfl Cohabitation -, we ktiflidlcs fuAci no Cohabitation. 
Mnf, Nor Wives ncitho now.. 

Flitt. Then fcparate Maintoian^e, in cafe you Qiou'd take a 
Wife, or I a new Fiimd. 

Mmf. -How .' that too } thai you arc every whit as bad as a 
Wife. 

Flirt. Then my H »i{c in Town, u J yours in the Country, 
if y&U will, "■ Monf. 



33 S 7^ GeufkmtM DMciug-H^:, 

Manf. A men: Wtfe. 

FiV*. Thoi myCoadi ^pait, as well my Bed apsut. 
Monf AsM as a Wife (iiO. 
. Flirt, Ba'c take notice L.»ill han: no Jb'aIe>diity,lanocl- 
band Chaiiot new foibiOi'd, imt a large, fodabje, weH poioted 
Coach, t\oi will I keep k oil it be as welt bnOwn as siy icif, 
and it come to be call'd f /(>» Coach i nor wiD I have fuch piti- 
ful Hoifes as cannot cany me eveiynight to the far\-^ tot I 
will not mils a ni^t in the Vatk, I'd have you to knotw. 

Mo>f. '*Tis v«jr wdl, yoUmuft haw your gitat,^t, fine, 
piirttcd Coaches, rmfiirexhcy ate grown fo commoa alicidf 
amongfl you, that Ladies of Qualicy b^in to take up with 
Hackneys agcn, Jarnic v but what t\it ? \ 

Flirt. Then, that you do not think I will be fet,vy by a little 
dirty Boy in a Bonnet, but a couple oi handfonij lulty, cleanly 
Footmen, lit Co (esve Ladies (^ Q»lity, and do their boHnck 
asthey fhou'd do. 

Men/. What then? ; ' 

. Flirt. Then, that you nevtr grow jealous of dieab , 
Monf, Why will you nuke ib mudi of tfacm^ 
Flirt. I delight to be kind to niy Snvants. ' 
Afjnf. Well, is this all? 

Flirt. Nothen, that when yoa come to my Houft, yoa ne- 
ver prcfuttie to' touch a Key, lilt up a Ludi, txc tbruft a Door 
wtthout knoc^iig bci^ie handi and that yoa ask no quefiknts, 
if you fee a fliay Piece of Plate, Cabinet, or Lookin^-glafi in 
my Houft. ' . . ' . 

Mefif.-lji&i Wife iBCTeiy thing i but what elfc? 
Flirt. Then, that you take no acquaintantx with me abroad, 
nor bring me home any when yoa are diunk. Whom yiHi will 
not be willbg to fee there, wben yoa ate fi^xt: . 

Aftur/T but what allowance ? Ict'sconKtotbenuiabus'iK^ 
the money." ■ i 

Flirt4 Stay,' kt nM think, firfiifor adranc&mQDcy live buif 
dred pounds for Pins. 
Monf. A «iy Wife 

flirt. Then you muft take the Leaie </iny Hottfe, and fiir- 
nifh it as becomes -one of my Quality i for don't, yoa think 
we'll take up with ^our old Queen Elizabeth furnituie, as 
your Wive* do. , 



ThaGiatkmmBtmdng'MaJiirl j^x 

Monf, Indeed there Ibe is leaA like 3 Wi&, ziUxkp. 
Flirt. Then, for Houfe-kecping, ScrTant wagrs, CUathSy 
and the reft, Dl be contented with a Thouland pounds x year 
prcftnt maintenance, and but three hundred pounds ayeat fepa- 
tate maintenance for tny lite, when our Love grows cold > but 
I am contented with a thoufand pounds a year, bccaufefot Pen- 
dants, Neck-laces, and a!lforts of Jewels, and fuch Trifles, my 
and feme Ptitc,I willlhift mylclf as I can, trukcflbifts, whicb 
you {hall not tike any notice of. 

Aiiw/". A thoufand pounds a year! what will Wenching comei 
to } ume was,' a Man might liavc fared as well at a mud« 
cheaper rate ) anda l^d^ of onesaffedions,inflead'ofaH(Mi&„ 
wou'diiaTe bcenctintentedwith a little Qumber three pale 
of Suirs backward, with a little Clofet os Ladder to't ; «nd jn* 
ftead of variety of new .Gowns, and rich Pettico&ts, witli 
her [%(babitiee or Flamecolbur Gbwn called SnUaitt and Slip- 
pers of the fame, wou'd have been ccxitnited fin: a twelve 
rnonth : And iniiead of Vifits and gaddingtto PJajfS, wou'd Iwve 
enferrain'd her felf at home with' St. Gurge for England, the 
Knight of the San, or the Pradicc ofPict^ ; and inftead of 
fending her Wine and Meat froni the French houfes, wouM 
have bMn contented, if you had ^ven her f poor WictchJ but 
credit at the next Chandlers and CheckcrM CcUir ; and then 
inilcid of a Coach, wou'd have been well fatisfi'd to have gomr 
out antl taken the Ait for three or four hours in the Evening in 
the Balcony, poor Soul. Well, Flirt, however we'll agree > 
*cis but three hundred pounds a year feparate mabtcnance,you 
fay, when I im \^vary of thee and the Charge. 

Dm. Rob'd of my Honour, my Daughter, and my Revenge 
too.' Oh my dear Honour .' nothing vexes me, but that the 
World (hould itf, I had not SpaniQi Policy enough to keep 
my Daughter' from ^iftg dcbauch'd from me i but mcthinl'is 
my Spiiiifh Policy might help tm yet: I have it fo— I wiJl 
, cheat 'em alii for I will declare I undcrftobd the whole Plot ' 
and Ccntrivaricc, and CDnniv'd at it, tiiiding my CouEii a Fool > 
and not anfwering my expei^ation. WelU but then'ifl ap- 
prove of the Match, IraurtgivethisMock-Dancing-mallcr my 
Eftace, efpecially fince half he wou'd have in right of my 
Daughter, 'and in fpight of me. Well, I am rcfolv'd to turn 
the Cheat upoij thtmfclvcs, «nd give them my Confcnt and 
Bliafc. Mexf, 



334 '^^ GenthviM Dattcing-Mafier. 

Mmf, Come, come, ncVr be ttoublV, Uncle, 'twas a 
Combination, you Ice, of all ihefc Heads andyour OaughtctS) 
you know what I mean. Uncle, not to be thwartol or gOTer* 
lud hy all the Spanifh Policy in CbrifiaiJam, I'm fine mf 
French Policy wou'd not have govcrn'd ho: ; (a Iukc I have 
Icap'd her, 1 am glad I have Icap'd her, Jatnie. 

C4Ht. Come, Brother, you arc wifcr than I, you^fce, ay, ay, 

Don. No, you think you are wifer than I now, ineamcft; 
but know, while I was thought a Gull, I gull'd ycu aU, and 
znadc ttuin and you think I knew nothing of the Contrivance, 
Confels, did not you think verily, that I knew nothing of it, 
end that I wasaGulP 

Ctut. Yes indeed, Brother, I did thbk verily you mat a 
Gull. 

Hiff. How's this > (L^mng. 

Dm. Alas, alas, all the fputtcr I made was but to tnlke this 
Young.man, my Coulin, believe, when thethmgDiou'd be cf- 
frded, that it was not with my connivance or confent ; but 
fince he is fo well fatisfi'd, I own it. For do you think I 
wou'd tver hawc fuffer'd het to marry a A/ow^ow, a Afcwy&w 
Cuarda, Belides, it had been but abeaflly iucclhious kind of 
a Match, voto— 

Caut. Nay, then I fee, Brother, you were wifa than I 
indeed. 

Gtr, So, \o. (/JUt. 

Caia. Nay, Young-man, you have danc'd a fair \hnct fer 
youifelf royally ,and now you may go jig it togethn till you aie 
[)Oth weary i and though you were lo eager to have him, 
Mrs, Mmx, you'll foon have your belly-full ^ him, let acttH 
you, MiHreTs. 

Frut. Hih, ha. 

Mmf. How, Uncle! what was*t you faid > Nay If I bad 
your Spsni^ Policy againll roc, it was no wonder I mi&M of 
my aim, mon foy. 

Don. I was refolvM too, my Daughter (houM not marry a 
Coward, therefore made the more adototryyou,Sir,butIfind 
you ate a bosk Min of Honour, firm, AifT, Spanlfli Honour, 
and tlut you may fee I deaiv'd you all a long, and you nol me \ 
ay, and am able to deceive you liill s for 1 kuoff now you think 
thic I will give you littk oi nolhinj| with my Daughter (like 

otba 



T%e Geiitkm*n Dancing-Mtifier. j 9 5 

other Fathos^liiice you have marry'd hex without my conftni > 
but, I fay, 111 deceive you now, foi you (hall have the moft 
pait d my Eftace in prefent, and the rcfl at my Death v (here's 
for you, I think. I have decciv'd you now, look you. 

Ger. No, indeed. Sir, ycHihavcnot;dccciv*d me> fori never 
fufpedlcd your Love to your Daughter, nor youi Gcncror^y. 

Don. How, Sir .' have a care of faying I have not deceivM 
you, left I decave you another way > guarda— pray, Gen- 
tlemen, do not think any Man cou'd decdvc me, look you i 
that any Man could fleal my Dau^ter k>ok yew, without my 
Cpmdvaocc. 

Tbt left me ffuk^ the mare aw tbidt^ 
And he feet m^t tbstfermi to vmtl^ 
Hiff. So, fo, now I cou'd give you my bleflSog, Father, now 
you are a good complalfant Fatha, itideed. 

,Wbtn Children Phirry^ Parrntt piou^d ebey, ' 
Since Love eUims mwt Ohtditnce far tbanlhey. (Extunf 
{Omnet. 



Epi- 



;,■ Google 



EPILOG U E. 

Spoken by Flirt. 

rHB Ladieijirfi I am to Compliment^ 1 

Whom (if he cou'd) the Poet wou'd Qnteni, t 

E[ut to their Pleafure then they mufl Confent^ J . 

Moftf poll their Sport fiill by their Modefiyy -j 

^nd when they jbOud be pleas' d^ cry out^ fit^ C 

^nd the leafl fmooty Jefi mil ne'er pafs by. j 

But City Damfel ne'er had Confidei-cty "% 

jit fmooty Play to take the leafi Offeme, ■ C 

But Mercy PttBSf to Jhero her Innocence, J 

Tet lefithe Merchants Daughters ^u* J to Day 
Be fcandalix.'d, not at our harmiefs Play j j 

But our HIppoIita, fintefiie'slike one ' 

Of tu bold MirtSy of t'other end o\th'Tojp»-^ 

Our Poet fending to you (though unknovm) 

His. btfi RefptHs by /»f , do's frankly own 

TTie Charaaer to be unnatural ; 

Hippolita is nut like you at all; 

Teuy while your Lovers court youy fiiSlook grum^ 

;Aad far from wooing, whentheyvooy crymum'^ 

jind if fome of you, e'er were fiol'n away^ 

Tour Portion's fault 'tnas only I dare fay : 

Thus much for him the Poet bid me fpeak, 

No3^ to the Men^ I my own Mind will break \ 

Teu good Men o'th' Exchange, on whom alone 

IVe mufi depend, when Sparks to Sea are gone % 

Into the Pit already you are. come, ^ ^ 

*Tis but afiep.more to our Tyring-Room ; 

Where none of us hut mill be wondrous fweet 

Vponan ai/cZ-o^'co/Lumber-ftreet: 

loa we had rather fee between our Scenes^ 

Than fpend-thrift Fops with better Cloaths and Meens ? 

Infiead of Lai^dCoats^ Btlts^ and PantalhonSy 

Yourf^elvit-Ju'mpsy Gold-Chains^ and grave Btr-GownSf 

Infiead of Perriwigs, and broad cock'd Hats, 

lour Sattain-Capt, fmall Cuffs, and vafi CrevOts \ 

For you are fair andfquare in i^your Dealings.^ 

Tou never cheat your Doxies with gilt Shillings ; 

Tou ne'er will break our Windows^ thenyou are 

Fit to make Love, while our Houz^as make Wary 

And find all Gentlemen mufl pack toSea, 

Our Gallants, and our Judges you mufl Be j 

We therefore,- and our Poet, do Submit 

To all the Chamlet-Cloaks now i'the Pit, tort 



I^oU in a Wood : 

O R, 

i> JAMES's-PARK. 

A 

COMEDY. 

As it is Afted 
B V 

Her Majefty's Servants. 

Written by Mr. Wycherky. 

^^—^Excluttit fariot Helicffne peetai 
DemotriltUi Hocac 



LONDON, Printed foe Rid. ireSi,tp«« , at 
the Dolphin and Crojvn at the Weft End of 
Su PiU^S-Chitrcii-Tard, I712. 



;,C.oogli: 



To Het Grace the Dutchefs of 

CLEAVEtANg. 

MADAM, 

AL I* JiMboTt whdtevtr h thtlr DiMesticn 4rt Poets * 
imtl ammui to ffnttto » iMyt VtbofiiuidiM lit- 
tle m aud of Flattirjft 4s her Beauty of Art \ 
etberwifit Ifi>o»d ffove still a foet tober inmy 
S}e4ieatitmt Ms to mj lUtUer m my Hay i I cdM do your Grace 
*o iimmr!, nor Make youMore Adsmrerttbdtiyomhmie alrtsdyi 
fUlfMdotiyftlftbebeitimrtoltttheWorUkMWf lamtit 
pieM^ymhm ; jiouiiriJlFgrJa».met Mad«m firjm ^Mar, 
tit vert iarj for a new Author, and Poet too^ to govern bit 
Aiuhilum i for PMfi, let them ft^i in the World never fo Mucb, 
for mod^i homfi Mm, but btvin frsife to others., which ton' 
elMdisiMthtmfemti sad sireliie Raokij wbeUndVecpie AU' 
H^tbrnttfiWiiiitisei/^Mii, tBdfoU£»e.tbemindtbtto*emfor 
luthiMiibtgriffer Laurel Md laeet^eto their Hero's^ vtartt 
tiemfebfMt, emd fafitm themfelvu. this it true. Madam, 
*fen the bm^^ vmd tfa)i Aatbom, vtht ntver ftt writ Dedi- 
%atim ■ yet thM§h lemmet iye Ukf them, lamas vain at tbey, 
aadcatmet hut foUiciiy give your Graee my bnmUe aehjuwm 
le4piiMtj ^ the SavMTs J boPe received fromyou! This, Jfay, 
ijAe.PaaHGtatitMde,w^hittflainEagti^, n wi/y Piide «>ii^ 
Ambition * and that the World tmgbt imwyeur Grace did me 
■the Honour ffet my Rayiuw< toother \ yet frrhafs wj Enviert 
ffyooT Faroonr will ftsff/t^ ^twat in LoKj md therefore for 
your Mortification i tben^ as a jtaUat Antbor, I am concem'd 
not to have yonr Graces Favonrs kjfttfd, or rather my SepntO' 
tion t and to let tbtm tmtfy yon were aleas'd, after tbat^ ta 
cemmamd a Cofjfrommeofthu FJay i ioe way Tvithomt Btaaty 
and Wit, to win « jeor toot's Heart. 'Tit afign yoar Graee 
nnderjfands notbuig better, than obliging all the World, -^ttr 
the htfi and mtfi frof^ mamur \ But, Mdam, to be ehligi/^ to 
that txetft as yon-are^Pardm me, ifltellyen^ ^mj ttttrtam 
eonetm, and ftrvice for your Grace) itadai^enMi^tulity,and 



The Epifite Dedieaory. 
' maj 'ievery trntrnmoji to yai\ for CivUitf mJut Tottt « 
tr*ulm/^i, at Cilrritj ittakti Btfrgdri i and jreur Grace ivU 
be ht'tafter as muckf^tr^^ ■fitbfieb fettrvy Offrriagi at tUtj 
Poemtf Pantgyruki^ and ibe like, at ym are notp wtth Petti- 
our; And^ Madam, tahitfnmm^, mo M^ v/Ub Pafers im*t 
Hand, it mere dreadfal tban a Peety ne, net a Lawyer vitjit bis 
Declarationri yimr Grace J»e did tiefweUeeHfiJer what je dtJ, 
in fending ftr my Play ; yw^ttU tha^bt I miaU bave had tbt 
Cot^Sdenee to fend yek a Vedkatim too : Bnty Madam, jfMjW 
I am at ttnreafonaltle, and bave at little Cmfeienett dt if I 
bad driven tbe Psetiel Trade longer tban I bave, and ne*er em- 
Jider fan bad enough ef the Play; bnt ( having fnfer'd now fi 
jeverely) Ibefeecb your Grace, hmiea care ftr tbe fiitmre^ tidtf 
myCeitnfet, md be {,tf jou can p»J^le) at promdt andill-nar 
inr^d at »ber'Peofle of Qndi^, Jtneeymr i^nitt isfotmueb 
emcem*dt and fmee yen ha've more reafm tbM ai^ t» valm 
jenr felf ; farym bave that ferft&im ef Beauty (witbnnt tfnnk- 
ingitfe) wbKh othert of yonr Sex but think they bave i that 
Genemfity in your A3iont, wbicb otbert t^ jour Sjfii'y bave 
only in their Promifet ; that Sfhity IVit and Judjrment^ and 
all ether i^malifictttieni which fa Heroes to Command^ anJ would 
■ make any but your Grade Proud. I htgin ma>, elevated hj 
my Subji^, to write vhii tbe ^Mion and Fury of a Poet > 
yet the htUpity tf an Hifiorian i and J con' d never be we^ 
ry, n'ay-^ jure tbii were' my enly way, to makg my Readtrt 
never wtary too, though they wefe a ' more' imfatiem Ge* 
ner alien of People than tbej are. In fme, fpe^(fi^tbni of 
your Gracci I Pmu'd fleaje all tbe World but ym ; therefore 
I mufl once obferve, and obey yon againfi my ffilly and ft^ m 
more, than that J«w, 

MADAM., 
' Your trace's 

Moll obKgedj and iDoft 

humUe Servant, 

WilliktiiWjcierh. 



P ROLO G U E. 

e'^tm^ wbieh Ms the Tbufftom Cart Hara>igue, 
43 tbo^e that come to matt md fee bim bangy 
WtUt the dtmrnd Vott (tboi^b he kmwt be'sgme) 
1^9 gfett jou, e*tr bit Extemivn. 

Net tmtm^fetr of Crittek 'fnrt his Eyw, 
Bm fiill rej<:^iiig wbolfome^ good advicf i 
Htimiteoau toft^trhere to d^^ 
Ftfr tffftfterftituw (aijM judge) a Flay, 
ff'bkb it tgunfArtMi Phcebts iMhe^ treafout 
T>amn*d iCmiiftg Judgtf-, tberifore you bave reafmi . 
Toubedo*t'mtM, who fpr the filffamf faulty 
That iaiHrmigTtii>ilege'ofyourt have bought ; 
So the huge BMkertivhenthey mtds mufi fatly 
Send ibijmall Brothir'i ef their trade to Gial i 
Wbi}0 tbty by breaktng Gentlemen^ are madty 
"Ihentiure than gwf; ■/torn fformeno'tif. trade i 
ToMbsrJetfd RtitegttdoPattt, who , ■' 

Treat KbimingPettttWorftthanTurkxHintd do y ■ 

But hieiit your H^atbtnijh ragit bakg^drav, mtd^umttTt 
fiti 'M^e wilt die to day a fieering Murtyr ; 
Siliiifgrhditfdjefi; Mi Lihtl, or LamfoeM, 
There are tt'btft^tr>F'e*fetutiM, 

miifbemdAumdbffikmfiof Suffmy- 

Jnlfiria Prafejfivs.live of Railleryy : 

VefyingPortert Lodgih fr Piilnry :. .. . 

par tbofe who yet ''fvriie enoia- P^V/Jfr* 

SImtldajCo-fufereficomjHiferatii;' 

But 6i'in-vm iteir^ity n«n> voudvravty 
, Who for tbetafeivi* \ atai) no f'uy-bave, ■ 

And thfBC^jm-gdfpingvrtdit wUintfave i 

jt"dtbofiy,iMMthfefti.eufCrminalw<.a^dffarey -• . 

Ifho neer in Rhime itanfgrefi, (iffueh there are). 

fmiibety ivbo'^noihagbep4iy medi nothing fear; 

And hey btfvtyeifr cruel. t^/fet ^all.do jr, ; 

By bitkj(airi detlms hmfeifno Fott, 



Djtqialis Petf o6». ' 

R. Han. Mr. Ranger, •% 
Mr. Be//. Mr. , Kmcem, iYoung Srtithman 
imafloii. Mr. VakMimy of the iTovm. 

AMermao G«];w,feemMigIy precile, 

-but a covetous keberous^ old 

, Ufutei of the City. 

Sir Stmm AtUi^tUt, a CooBcotnb, 

dwaysin Patfuitof Wsmen of 

. great Fottan'ei 

Mt. Dafptrmii, abtisk, cooceiied, 

half-witteJFellqw of the Town. 

WOMB 7t 

Ctetftinu, Filaniu'sMmtels. 

Ljdii, 2Ei«fr's Miftrcfs. 

My tidyflif'paki, Grife'/SiSa, 
aii cffeac^ Widow in diftrefs fat 
9 U\>!,banA,xiim^i\ fiillcleclaim- 
ing againilMatniage. 

Mrs. MtrtlUi<IHft'3 Daagfacir. 

Mrs^ JijfSec, a Matdh'-mSer, « 
j)):ecire City Bawd. 

tAcs.Cro/ihit^, an bW cheating Jilt, 
apd Bawd to H« Daughter. 

Mrs. X««, her Daughter. > 

■■ IbM, CkMinrr's Wsms. 

Lmnert, SamKtoLfdii. 



Mr.Xj 

Mr. Litcj, 



Ut. WiMcrfiU. 



Mr. Mehm. 



Mrs. BfflXeA 
Mrs^Beit^Cfix. 
Mrs. Kaef/i 



Mrs. FArlewe, 
Mrs. Cif/. 

Mrs. fisfftr. 

Mrs. Brt<; Ji«/(. 
Mrs. lames. 
Mrs. CartTtigh$. 



CrcfibUts. Landlord, and h(s Prentice^ Ser- 
vants, Waiters, other Attendants. 



TheScme LONDON. 



LOTC 



C?4}3 



ICoDe in a IBooti: 



O R, 



Sf- JAMBS's-PARK. 



Tlif' 



ac;t I. scEN E I. 

Gripe's Houfe in the Evening. 

« 

tnur m Uiy Flippant, Mri. Joyrar. 

N'OT aHuslwidtobchaafoE pUDcy. 
Come, come, I might liave bten a bctttf 
Houft-Wife ix my ftlf (as thf WmH gpts 
now,; if I had dealt foi an Heii with his 
Guardian, Uncle, or Mothei-in-law ■ and you aie no betle. 
than a Choule, a Cheat, 
7oy». 1 a Cheat, Ma<^^In. 
Fifc lamoutofmyMoneyandmyPatienatoo, 
7,S. Donolr»noMofyou.PatiencewhateTeijpu<|<v 
!Tis a neceflary wtnie fot a WUow wtthout 

* SweWolm;!, thoo^ w Boitime be fomethin^ 
Wafted, my Peifon'a to gnod KI«it: , „ . , 
U 1 Snotdependedon ,00, I ''ihadaH,^ 
^o« this tune i when 1 save you the hft fiJ? Pounds, 

X4 L Cou';S^' 



344 ^** "* ii WWj Or, 

Joyn. And had kept m. Piomire if vou had Coqjcntttl. 

flie. Cooperated, what fhou'd I have done ? 
*Tis well knomm no Woman bnathlng cpiild u(c more^ 
Indultiy to get hei a Husband than I have ; 
Has not my Husbajid's Scutcheon walk'd as much gtound 
As theCitHKas-Signs fince thcFitr, ; f^ 
Thsc lio qi^artei of the Town might be tgnofmC - 
Of the Widow Flippant. 

Joyn. 'Tis well known. Madam, indeed. 

Fhp. Have I not own'd mv fetf (agairft my 
Stomach) the ReliA of a Citizen to aedit my Fottune? 

Jopi. 'Tisconfeft, Madtm. ■ .' ■,' 

Flip: Have I not conftantly kept CevtHt-GsrJin-Chmdi, 
St. Aijr(in*s, the Piay-Houfcs, Hidt-Tark., Mttllttrry-Csrtltat 
and a]t othei the Ptiblick Mms wtitn Widows and Maids aic 
expos'd ? 

y»yn. Fat be it fiom me tqi;hink yciu fa^ve an 
Aveilion to a Husband ; 
But why Madam have you refai'd fo many Good O^ecs ? 

Flip. Good Offers, JAts-Joyver, V\] befwom 
I never had an Otter lince my late Husband's ; if 1 had^ Offer, 
Mrs. Joyner i thcrt's the thing, Mrs. Joytitr. 

Joyn. Then your ftcquent, and publick deteftation t^ 
Marriage, is thought r«l> ■ 

And if you have had no Offer, there's the thing, Madam. 

Flif-' I cannot deny, biit I always rail again^ Muriage, 
Which is' the:WidoWs way to it certdnly, ^ 

J(^n. 'ris the defperate way of the dtfperate 
Widows in truly. ■' . ' ■ ■■ - 

Flif. WouM you have us as tradable as-tht Wenches riut 
eat Oatmeal) and fool'd li^c tbem too. - 
■ Jojn. ifiiobody were wifer than I, I fhould think, Gnceiibe 
Widow wants the naiur'al aUuthTKut whn:h the Vii^n has, you 
ought to give men all other incouiagemcnts in truly. 

Flip, Theieforc on the contrary, becaufe the Widow's For- 
tune (whether fuppos'd or r«!' is her" chiefcti Bait, /the ttiore 
chary Ibe /eems of it, and the more (he withdraws it, the 
more eagerly tlie bntic gaping fry will bite; with us W-idows 
Husband are got like Sifhopricks, by faying no* nidlt^you, 
a young Heir is as (hie of a Widow, as cf a Rook, to my know- 



3c. James*/-i>4rJ^ 34^ 

Jvpt, 1 can alledge nodiing agiina four pndkc, 
But your ill fiKoefe; and ifldecd you mult u& 
Another Method vrith Sir 5mm» MiUfUt, 

Flif. Will he be at your Houle at the hour > 

Jcjfn. Bell be there by ten, *tis now nine : 
I warrant you he will not fail* . , - 

Flif. ni wamnt you then I will not fail, 
For 'iB more than time I were fped. 

Jpyn* Mr. Dd^fmifii has not been too bulic with you, I 
hope, your experience has taught you to prevent a ntilchancc. 

^if. No, no, my mifchance, fas you all it . is grcatti than 
that i I have but three Months toiecIuMi, e'rc I l>e down whh 
my Poitand Eauip^i ^and mull be dcliveicd of a Wumm, 
a Foot-man ana a Crach-man : For my Coadimulldown, un> 
kls I can g^ $ix Simm to draw with me. 

JtyH. He will pair with you exadly if know all. (AjiJe. 

Flif. fi\ Mss.Joytury nothing grieves me like the putting 
down my Coach i n» the Bnc Cloaths, the hne Lodginei ; let 
*cm go ; for a Lodging is as unnecclTary a thing to a Widow 
that has a Coach, as a Hat to a Man that has a good Petuque> 
fo as you &e ahout Town (he is mol^ piopetly at home in her 
Coach * (hecats, and diinks, and flceps in het Coachi and 
lor her Viiits (be receives them in the PUy-hou&. , 

Joyn. Ay, a/, let the Men keep Lpdgings 
(Asyou fay. Madam) if they will. '. 

CGnpe, and Sir Simon ^dlcplpt feSoif/iag, fim tn bi 
MM-iinbtH^tefsCktk^stentdeer^ andMrt. Mar-. 
t\a ta tbi ubtr, , ' 

Fliff. Do ^vou .think if thit^.had been with me as they 
have been, I woHldevqrhavcheus'd. with this Countcr-falhion 
Bibihei c^ min^ '(who hates a, Veilas much as a Su<'pUce) to 
hive mv Patcbcsanauttcdcyery'Dajio at Dinoqimy Fucdom 
ccnfuicd, and my Vilitants fliut out of Doors ; poor Mi. D«f- 
ftTivit cannot be admitted. 

Jtf^v; He^nows him toowcll to (teep his 
Acquaintance. 

Fkf. HeisafiofCNriou^ngid^p, i^id knoWrnothii^g. 
Grift. So,fo-. — ^-x iBtiinJ. 

77fl. Isheh;i-> . , (^jSJft 

To aay Lsdj Fllp.^ Kay with your Fatten, Madatii} I mUii 



]^5 Loveitt aWofd^ Off 

contradid you then. He u a prying Common-wtaliI»nMn, 
an implacable Magiltrate, a (hit^Pfttai of hie Gaufcy and—- ■■ 
But ohmeisyour WrarDHpfi>Aelr then} tflbtd (T^Gtipc, 
Thought you bcud mc. ■ " —' ~ 

Griftt Why, why, Kfrs. jvfinr^ 
Ihavefaid asmuchoTmylclf e'er now, ■ _- . 
And mthout vanity, I fioftfc.' 

^mi. I knowyour ViittwiS[»oofa0iinftVatn>glary; 
Bijt the truth to your Face, tooks like flattery in your 
Worihip's Strvant. 

Grift. No. no, fay what yoa will of itic In ^t kind. 
Far be h ftom me to fiifpcA you of ftmciy* 

^ffyw. In truly yottt Worthip knows your felf, 
And kuowsmr, for I aoinonecfthofe- — f ■ 

fiif. Now they are in 

Mrs. Jgyiier,\1] go before W youi Houfc, (JfiA^ 

You'ii be furc to come afterme. , (Extt Fl^panc 

j^ff. Immediately i but as I waslayin^ 

lam noncoflhofe ;. 

Gripe. No, Mrs. ftpur, yon annot few Pfllowf 
Under Folks Elbows s you cannot bcM a Candle to the DcvO i 
Y6a cannot tickle a Tiout to take him, yog— . ' ..■■■ — 

Jajfti- Lord how well yoa do know ok indeed ; 
Am yoii Oiall lee I know your Worihlp as wpHj . 
You cannot backflide from yotit Principles ; ' ' 
You cannorbe terrlfyM by the Laws, 
Nor brib'dto AII^UKC by Ofioe, ot PiffcrmenC; 

You . 

Griftt Hold, hold, my praHe mull not intorupt yours.' 
' Jayit. With your V Vorflilp's Pardon, (In tru^> I amti cnnv 
Grift. lam^llof yOBT pnife, and.lt Will run OvOi 
JoyM. N^fweet Sir, -you are-— ^ ' 

Gripe. Nay.fweetMis. yo^er, you arc— ■ ■ 
J^n^ Nay, good your WorCbip,- you are— — 

CStopt her mmb mttbhs Hmikerci^f^ 
Gr/ffc I fay you.aie- . » 
jfofw. I muft notbe ludewitb your WoiMp.' 
Griper You arc aNurdng Mother tq the Saints, 
Through you they gather together ; 
Through jou they budi^ and riiaeafei nd through. you 



The Child CBM out of ihc ihni-htisktt 

■ J'^3^ Through you Vti^ns are manr'd or ptorided 
For as well > ihroi^ you die Rxpiotxtte'q Wife 

IS made a S^ '•> mu) duotigh yoa the Widow is not 
Di&onfoUte, nor inilfes her Husband. 

Gri^» Through you — ■ 

Joyn, Indeed you will put me to the bluflb' 
. Grtte* Bluflusue badges of Impcrfedion, 
Saints nave no Unmc : you arc, are the flower of 
MatKonsMtt. Jtjrner. 

■ j^«y«k You att the Pink of courteous Aldenncn. 
. Gript. You are the Muffler of Secrecy. ' 

Jeyn. Yau are the Hcad'band of of Jultice. 

Qri^. Thvrk youfwcctMrs. Jtyner, doydrittunk 

So indeed ^ you are 

YouarctheBonefiTct^pevMioib ' ' 

Joyn. You are the Bellows of Zeal. •- < " 

■ Crife. You ire the Cnp-bOaid of Charity. 

. 3'«y"'- You are the Fob of Liberality. ■ » 

Grife. You are the Rivet of &ndifyM Lovtf or W^lock. 

j^oywi YdU'ue the Picklock and Dark- lanthotn of Policy. 
And in a word, a Conventicle of Virtues. 

Grife. Your fcrvant, your iicrvant, fweet Ma, Joyner, 
Yuu have ft(^t my mcuth. ' - 

. Jiyn, Yourfervantj your' fcrvant fweet Aklfrmin, , ' 
I have nothing to lay. 

Sir Sim. Tlie half Pullet will be cold, Sir. 

Gripi. Mrs. Jojmr you fliall Stip with me. 

To^v. Indeed 1 am cngogM toSilf^jei ifrith fbme 

fyoui Man's Friends > and I ciitie on puipofe 
To giet leave for him too. - '. 

Grift, I cannot deny yoo any thit^^ butlhavefbieotto 
tell you what a kind of FeUonvmy Sifter's ■Z>if/ip»ni'if it i be- 
fore a full Table of the Cofiee-HoiUe St^tt, he had t^c Itnpu- 
dence to h<^ an Argument ag^ft me in the'de&nce of Vefts 
and Prote^ons i and tbertfoit I forUd himny Hotife ; belidcs', 
when he came, 1 w«s forc'd to lock up rity d^i%hter for' 
fear of him, nay, I thii^ the ^oot ChiUbct felf«asafrud oi* 
him: Coiiae hiriKr 
ChHd^ iitM<imtiAl&uAvi'IiaffemHi - -' ' ■'' 

' Msrth 



Jojn. 
Otyoui 



34^ Lave in dWood^Or^ 

Martha^ Yes indeed. Sir, heisk tnrible MaoJ 
Yet Idurftmeet with himinaPitzzoat Midni^L. - £^filft 

Grift. He (hall nevci come into my dooisagm. 

Martha. ShaU Ifit. Dapptrwitaetet cone hitha ageun dm } 

Gripe. No, Child. 

Martha. I am afraid he wiH - 

Grife. I warrant thee. 

Martha, I warrant you theni'll goto hlfo. C-^fi^- 

I am glad of that, for I hate bin) as much as BtJiiops. 

Gripe. Thou ait no Child of mine, if thou doA not hate 
BiOiops and y/its , Well, Mrs J&fnttt I'll ^W^ you riolfwga. 
Jnai, wait On Mrs. Joyner, 

^^oTfin-. Good night to T out VVotlhip. 

Gripe. But ftay, ftav, Mrs. Jvyter-, have you fpoken with 
the VVidow Cmftbitt about her little Daughtn, as I defired i 

Jojn. I will to tnoiiow early, it fh^ll be the lifil chiogl'n 
^afta my Prayers. 

Gript. It PdfMrtMf IbouldcontdmlnatehcT'-IcaBnot rrAtilQ 
I have redeemed tici from the Ja wis , of that L voa. gixxl nq$hc 

Jpjrs. Good, Gentleman. . (Smmh Gripe oii Maitba. 

Msntnt Sir ^mon' Addlcplot and Joyoci* . 

Sir Sim. Ha, ha, na, lAtf.J^mr^ ' 

Jejv. VVh»t^sthe ipatter«.£# Simm. 

Sir Sim, Ha, ha, ha, ktus make haft to your 

Houfr, ot^l^llyitfiFiti^hand Jiothtofee what Took ,.ou 
and I make of thefe People. 

Jajn. 1 will not rob you of any of the aedit, I am but a &e- 
I>k InlUument, ypu.arcan EngiQeer. 

Sir Sim ELonember what vom ^y^iiow when things fuccccd, 
and do not tell mcitfcn, ,1 muD tltuik yput Wit foi; all 

y^yn. No in truly, Sir Simon. m . ■. ■ 

. Sir Sim, Ihj Vj^ (ate. Difpff raff it^ aai I have been Partners 
in ma)iy anJ^.tligMr. juid he.j^.<Qifn«C mcfo. . 
. Jopt. i^fl is in ill Man to.In^in will), ajTOUcall it. 
, Sir Sirti., I4 foareall yourWifs i .a^Pox, if a Ndan*s under- 
Handing be nfttfopublick x^rttujift.he cannot doa wile adtbn 
but. they gp away with the hpnqtii; of it, if be be of thcit Ac- 
quaintance. . . , - : ■ I 

Jajn. Whydoyqukccpfuch Acquaintanceiihin ? 

SirSim. ThetcisaiVpvnb,,,Mrf. j^rr, Ymiwy know 
him by-his Company. J^"' 



Sr. |ames'/-P«-4. 34^ 

JfffU NTo, no, to be iboughta Man of parts, youawftab 
ways ktcpCompany witha Man oflds wit than your ielf. 

Str Stm That's the haideft thing in the Woild for me to 
do. Faith and Troth. 

Jpyt. What, totindaMinofklsWitthui youi felf? 
Pardon (tty Raillcr> , Sir Sim^. ' 

Sir Sim No, no, I cannot knp Company with a Fool, I 
wonder how Men of parts can do i, there's fomething in'c. 

ytyn. If you cou'd, all your wife atSionj wou'd be youi 
own, and your Money wou'd be your own toa 

Str Stm. Nav, Faith and Troth that's true > for your Wits 
arc phgutl , givtn to borrow ^ they'l borrow of their Wench, 
O^ach-man or Link-boy thciihirc. Mxs,yojiurf Dtpferwa 
has chat trick with a vengeance. 

yoyn. Why will you keep Company with him dim, I fay^ 
fox to be plain with you, you have jR>Uowtd. him (o king* that 
you are thought but his Cullej> ; for every Wit has hisCuUcy,- 
as evny Sqiiii c his lead Captaini 

sir Stm. 1 his CuDey, I his CuUcy, Mrs. Jajntri 
Lord that I (bouM be thought a Cullcy to any Wit breathing. 

yopi. Niy, do not take it lb to heart, forthebcftWiis 
OtthcTnwn, are but C^ullics EJMttifclvcj;. 

Sir Sim. To whom, to whom, to whom. Mis. ytjmer ? 
yyn. To Semlireffes, and BaWds, 
Sir Sim. To your knowledge, Mrs. Jepitr, 
There I w is with her. 

yoyn. To Taylors and Vindicr^ but efpcclally to the frMci 
Houfa. 

Sir Sim* But 7>appen»it is a Culley to none of them ; foe 
he ticks. 

Jojn. I cup not, but I wllh you were a Qdley K>. none Ixit 
Hie, that's all the hurt I wi(K you. 

Sir Sim. Thank you Mrs. Jojmtr ; well I will throw off 
Dai>feTWtt\ Puxfizintanct whm I am nnarried> and will only 
be 'a Culley to my VVifc, and that's no more than the wifeli 
Husband of 'em all is. 

Jcyn. Then jou think you fhall carr^ Mn. Martbd. 
Str Stm. Your Hundred Cuiaeys are 
, As good as ii> t Our Lap. 

Jcpi. But I atn atratd this double plot of yours 

Shou'' 



jjo tow im 4 Wi^t, Oy, 

fSmiki £d1,' yau wou'd fixmei fuccecd, , 

If you only ddign'd upon Mn. Msnf>»y 

Oionlyopon mfflAA^ Fl^Mt. 

Sir Sim. Nay then you are no VVomm of InCrfguf , Fiith 
and Troch, 'tis good to have two Aringi to one Bow > if Mrs. 
AUrtbm be coy, I tdl the Widow I put on my di%uire (or 
her i But If Mts. MtTth» be kind to Jonas, Sr Simon jlddU* 
flat will be felfc to the Widow, wMdi is no more than VVh 
dows are la'd to ; foi a Promtle to a VVfdow is ts id/Sx>m 
kept, as t vow made » Sea, ai Drffirwit fays. 

Jaym. Inn afraid they lhoa*4 diKorer you. 

Sir Sim. Yva have nothir^ to (ta, you tiave fonr twenty 
Gtdncas in foui Pocket for h^Hig me into my Service, andS* 
IgetintoMis. ili«rti«'s Qnitcrs, you have a hundred moR* 
Ifinto the Widows, Itfty, hftppy go luckya'wHI her LadyOiip 
be at your Hoi^ it dtc hour i 

f^ Y«. 

Sir Sim. Then you fliall Tee when 1 im Si tiimm AJJlt^t 
and my Ictf, 111 loc^ Uketnyjldr, now I «d Jtn»t I look like 
mkds yen never thoogbt ^Simm AiJ^^ oou'd Invc 
lodt*d (b like an A6 b; hishieemity. 

Jajm, Pardon me^ SirSimoit. 

Sir Sim. Nay, do not flatter. Faith and Troth. 

yojut. Come let us go, 'tis time. 

Sir Sim. I w^l carry the Widow to the frn^Rourc. 

^tyn. If (he will go. 

Sir Sim. If (he will go ^ why^ did you *vct know a Wi- 
dow refute a treat ? no more than a lawyer a Fee, Faidi and 
Troth, yet I know tooy 

■Tlstmufi Mt Imsthj thejikii^ WtJMfftgfu. 

the Seau tbm^es to tbs VttailR-Hoiife^ riTsMr, 
Wint saJCMdles. 

Emtr Vincent, Ranger, DapperwiC. '' 
Dtp. Pray, Mr. Km^tr^ kt's We no drinking to n'^t. 
P'ia. Pray, Mr, RMngert Iet*8 have TO Pxfprvht to night. 
Ran. Nay, nay, Vintint. 

Vin. 



r^ A P(H^ I hue his ixnpatHKitt Out nuie ifaui he does 
' itie boDcft Bmgm4y- 

Dm, But why (ho'ud you fixoc Wine upon us ? we aie 
not all of your qiOdw 

Vm. But wfiy ftoiilcl yoo force your diaw'd Jeftt, yout 
damnM ends of your mouldy Lampoons, and lafi yean Soonctt 
upoa us *^ "'^^ "°^ '^ ^ y^*" gi^f^ ' 

i}<;» The Wine malKsaeiidt, fctmepnifiL 

Vtn, Thy Rhymes make mefpcw. 

Rgiff. AtRepaiteeali(ady,c(»ef>^<»«,Ikno«ryouwould 
RathanaTc hhn pledge you, here Dtvpawit. 

(Ghwi^tbiCUfs.' 
But why vc|OH fo es^to have bfan driak always? 

Vm Becu^heU lo eager to talk always and thoebno 
othct ways to Glcnce him 

fV^t. HcFtisa Gcntkmande&cstofpeakwtdiMr.f^mmr. 

^1% I cone. (ExirVia 

i?^. He may drink becauJx be b ci>lig'd todK Bottle, for 
all the Wit andCounge he has, 'tis not &ec and natural tike 
yours. 

Kan, He has more Courage than Wk, but wsmts neither. 

Dmf, AiaPiai^eOQC di^, tf you pour no Water down 
you wdl get none out, fo 

R01U Sixft t bat limittes too* ivnietu. 

J>af, W^ is not the thought iKW, don'CyAaj^pnSxQdit? 

Rm. Ycs^ yei, but 

Dsf, V Vel^ well, will you amply with lus ibttiQmds toc^: 
and hate brisk things in con^Uance totlic Ignorant dull Age^ 
I bclkve fliortly 'twill be as hatd to find a patient Friend to 
Communicate ones Wit to, as a faithful Friend to CoaniHK 
Btcate ones Scoet to. Wit has as few true Judges as Funt- 
ioglfce. 

Aa«. All People pretend to be judgcsof bodi. 

DMf. I, they pictcnd-^— but let you slide. 
And two moBe. ■- — 

R«iu But why, lias Vmeitt nddier Courage nor Wit ? 

D«f. Hi has no Cour^, bccaufe he beat His Wcndi for 
giving mtUt JeiuuyeuK mci i and no Wit, beaurfe be does 
not comprehend my Thoughts rand he is a Son of a Whort 

(at 



9)3 -^ve hmWocdi Or, 

fxtt \iA ^iwrance ■■, I uke Ignonixx worfc &bm any MaA dian 

iheLi^ becaufc 'masimdias tolaylamno Wt.' 

Vincent K^wrof. 
You need not tike any notice, dioueh, to him what 1 £i)r. 

Vhh R4i^, there is a Woman odow ia a Coach wooU 
fpcak with you. 

Ran. With nie> (E»f Ran. 

Dot. Ti^RMHgtrt Mr.^>c«tf, b as fdfe to his Fricod as 
hisWmch. 

Km. You have no reafbn 10 fay fo, 
Butbecaufe be baMcnt. 

Dtf. ' r is diToUigJng to teH a Man of his faults Co lus Face, 
if he had but youi Grave Parts and Manly Wit, I fliould adon! 
himi butaPoxhciBatnect BqAdoh, a Jack-[xiddti^, Ictme 
perifli — 

Vin. You are an ungratefbl Fdlow, I have heaid him m^- 
tth you hUl Wit, which was mon than e'er you cou'd do for 
yoin felfi I thought you bad own*d him your li^etmu. 

Dsfer. A Pox.' he cannot but eftecm me, 'tis for his ho- 
nour 1 but I cannot but lie )uft for ill that, without btoax at 
afledion, yet I coi&ls I love him fo well, that I wiQi he had 
but the hmdredth part of your Courage. 

FuL He h£ had the Courage to lave you from many a beat 
ing to my knowledge. 

Daf. Come, come, I wKh the Man wdl, and next to you, 
betterthanany Bilanj ini lam foiry to % It, he has not Cou- 
rage to fnutTa Candle with his FtngerSi when'beis drunk in- 
deed, be dans get a Clap, or lb —■■■ - and fweat at a Confb- 
ble. . 

yk. Deu&ing Fop, when did you fee tum ddcrt lus 
Friend > 

Daf. YoQ have a rough kind of a Raillery« Mt. Vmemt, bat 
Gnce you will have it, (though I love the Man heartily, I &yj 
hedclnted me.Qiioe in breaking of Windows, forfeai of the - 
Conftabfcs, , RangaAtwwi. 

but you need not take notice K) him, ofwhatltellyou* I hate 
to pat alffen to the Uufh. 

Rdn. Ihavchadjuftnowa Vifl^firommy Miftrel^ who Is 
« ieaiousof mc.asa Wifcof hetflasband when (he lies in } my 
CouCii l.jfdia,:jou havehoud mi: fpeak of her. 

Ktn, 



St. Jamts'i'Par^. 3<^9 

Pin. But flic is [noic tioubldbme thin a Wife lliat lies in, be- 
caufc flie follows you to your haunts i wh7 do you alb^v hcc 
that privilege before her tinK .' 

Rm. Faith, I miralbtr hei any fmvil^ and be too tiard 
for bei yet i bow do you thinli 1 have cheated her to night ? 
Woooen are pow credulous Creatures, ealilr deceived. 

Fia, Wc ire poor credulous Cteaturet) when we think 'cm 
lb. - 

RaiL latendingd (tamble to Sti jF'MciVPuk toni|ht, up* 
on fome probableDopes of Jbnte Jrdfa Game I hararfh Oiale, I 
appointed her to Ihy at home, with a promiie to oi^ to her 
within this hourt that (he mi^t oot foil the font and prercac 
my fpoit. 

Ftm. She'll, be even with you when you are Married, I war- 
rant you ) in the mean time here's hn health Dtpperwit. 

Rm. Now had he laibcr be at the Window writing her Ana- 
^m in theG)a&, with his Diunoodj or biting h^ Nails in 
the comer, foe a 6ne thought, to come and divert .i» with ac 
the Table. 

D*^. No, a Poxlhavenowittonight, lamasbarrjoand 
hide-bound as ooet^ your dimn^dfaibUiigPoet^ who are Sots 
In Company lor all their Wit, as a Mi&t is pi>ot foe aii his 
Money i bow do you lilte the thought. ■■ 

Via, Drink> drink. 

Dap. Wellj lean drink ttus, beoule I fliall beicpiiev'd 
pre&ntly. 

Vin. Who will be fo civil to -us. 

Da^. Sir Simen AdJleflot,! ham befpoke him a Supper here 
for he treats to night a new rich Miflrcfs* 

R^. That Spatk who has he fitaittds defij^Mupoinhc Bed 
ridden rich Wicbw, down to the fucking Hciicilcs in her ptf- 
ling Clout, he has once the fpoit, but now the publ;ck griev- 
arKcof alLtheFoitunetinTown i iorhe watches them lilcea 
younger Brother that is afraid, to be aianipM of his fnip, atMl 
they cannot Iteil a Marriage, not Hay ibcir StooiaehSi but he 
muR know it. . 

Dap. He has now pitch'dhis Nets ibr G«^*s Daughter the 
die rich Scrivener, and fetveltiKn as a Clerk to get adwiJtbn 
to her, which the watchful Fop her Father, denies to all otinas, 

A a S-oB. 



3J4 LovtrnaWMdi Or, 

Kmi. I thought joa had ban nikiliflg at her mmx, under 
f retencc of tovc ro her Aunt. 

but my Agent whfld he thinks mc hiii he klagtmc jbcttcn 
cenAantly from her, and <caniec miiK faadt. 

f^in. Still betraying your bel) Fitendi . 

Z)^. I cannot in honour but bctn^r bhn' (fct me paVb,) 
the poor ypune Wcixh is taken with my Pafon, and woM 
(cratch throu^ foot Walh to cottie to die* 

Vin. 'Tisa fignftciskcfXupclofeMniJ. 

Dffp. Betray him, I'tl not be Tnyt<H to Love fer my Mul '' 
Sir Sinton AtUleploc to ti«M wkb tit IfMtef. 

Sir Sim. Know 'cm, you are a fawcy Jack-ftiaw to <jafC0i- 
on me, (Faldi and tnxh) [ ktiowcTOry bo^, md every body 
knows me. 
- AS. Sir£«WR, ^^Mkh, Sir^fflMi. 

Ran. And you arc a ftdaoiM Man to every body. 

StrSim. Now Son ofa Wboie, do I fcnow the O ewt k me n > 
3 Vogy wou'd have had a QiiUingof me before he wou'dletu 
come to you. 

Rm. TtttX«guc hn faornhnl tt Court ftnc; 
CSecyouout, Simhi 

Sir Sim. He has been bred at a FnuiHode, whcie ibey 
are moieoinrealbnable. 

f^in* Htte'B to you. Sir Simta*' 

Sir Sim. I cannot drink, for I have a Miftiefs within, thoi^h 
I wou'd nothave thcPc^leof the Hou&lo know it. 

Rati. YoH need not be a&amM of your Mifiiefltf, &x ibey 
aic commonly rich. 

SirSim. And becaufe fhe is rkh, I would conceal h«i ibr 
I never bad a Fich Mi&rek yet^ but one or odier ggt ber from 
tnt pvdenily Faith and Troth. 

Ran. EJut this banillplaoe to oonccalaMiftielsin, every 
Wairor is an Inrelfigencer lo your Rivah. 

SirSim. Ihivea oridi for that, lUktno WliteBaaBCMi 
to the Room, I'll lay the Ck»h my fclf rather. 

Ran. But who is your Mlftrefs. 

SirSim. Yoor Savant — ]>outSeivan^-*- 
-Mr. RMger. 



Phb. Come, win you ptedgc tne > 
S^Sim. No, I'll ffizre your Wia^ifyouwilirpaKiiieDdi^ 
^irll«r*s Compatiy, I came for that. 
-, Fm. Ypu«> lift sdoHfek favour, tpukdum dDdlave tbit 
Wine. 
Sit Shi, CaamyOoAe, Ddffmifit. . 
iUu Donocgounk&bewilHuifei tit n> lee bisMilbcfii 
tea C4Ji^c4 

Sir A*. Cpihe, come Man. 

2hn. Would you hwc me &> mdnl as totave my Gomp^ 
hy-y tbeynltalicitiUr 

SitSim, iboMx fnd her talk wkboutiheei ^yOentle- 
nm paTmuk Mr. Daffermt to go with me. 
Rmi, We i^notiwidet him oif bettor Compuiy. 
i>«^. YoHtitiiDogotMltobelcftniddf. 
Jt^ir fAw. Nay Gciidfeitite I would dc&e ycnu Ccm^oiqr too^ 
if yoQ Icntw tbs Udy. 
i>a^. ThcfknoifrhetalWcllail, you &y I know lief not; 
£s> Anr. Tob are not every body. i4^* 

tUn. Periiapf we do know the Ladyj Sit SimfM. 
Sir Sim. You do not, you do not, none of youi evo &vi 
hct bi joai fives i hut If you coi^ be iccret, and dvil 
Rgm. We have drunk yet but our Bottle a piece. 
Sir Sim. But wifiyoubicdvil, Vb.yhKtia. ■■',-. 

JU». he datti not look i Woouh in the Fice under dutc 



Sir Sim> Come iloag then t bat cw you be civil Gentle^ 
mm ^ will you be dvil Gaftlemen / p^ay be civil if you cai^ 
■nd yoi (haU fee hor. (.E)ut Str Sim. Rttnrtu. with 

(mtaJyFtipfinland Mrs- Joyna. 

Vap. How, haa bfc got his Jik hcte ? {Afidt. 

Rm. The Wido# fUffmt^-~ (Afidt. 

inn. Is this the WomaA diat We nevet &w ? (AJuit. . 

itip. Doesheb(ingiBli»oCoa^y> ami Zfti^enifit oas ! 
tboui^Ihad tmniMl the Fool> I thought to have leleiv'df 
theWitaswclIasothe^Udita: (A/i^^ 

Sir Sim* Nay, look mIoh^ at ydu will, Vb/iuit you wilt 
find them civil GmdemeB, aod gpod Con^ny. 

;Si^ lamuattti^iubiQitiMiidviUiyt biityouti 



M» ■ - "^-M 



35^ Lfive in a Woodi-Ot, 

foyn. -You'll never lean Ihubbing your Semnls, dici you 
not prnmifetoufe him kindly. - {Behind. 

Flip. 'Tis true (^fiii. 

Wc wanted no good Company, - Ki Aurw; aslong we had 
yours. 

Sir Sim. But they wanted good Gofnpuiy,'thcrc{bR I Ibrc'd 
them to accept of yours, 

^ FUf. They will not tjiink the Company Sood, the| woe 
fbrcM into cei tainly, 

SirSun. APoxt munbcufingthewoidsinbfluohdiougb 
I never have any luck with 'cm, Mn. Jwttr., hdp roe c^ ' 

^^r/jn. I fuppofe, Madam,' 1^ mCans the Gcntlanan wanted 
not inclination to your Company, but conAdaice codefiicib 
great an Honour, thctefbre be foic'd 'on. 

Daf. What makcf; this Bawd here? fure Miilfds your 
Bawds (hould be like the fmall Cards, though at Hrft you make 
up a Pack, yet when the Play begins, you Siould be put oiU 
as a(e!t& ' 

• Jajn. Well, well, Gibeing Companion, you wiNi'd baft 
the Pimps kept in only ? you wou'd fo ? 

Vin. What, thev are quarrelling^ ' 

Rsn. Hmp arid Bawd agree now a dayt like Dodtnr and he 
potbecary. 

Sit Sim. Try-Madam, if they are not dvU Gentlemen, talk 
with 'em, WfcjJe I go lay'the Cloth, no Waiter comes here: 
My Mother us'd to cell me, 1 (hou*d avoid alt occations of talk- 
Ingbetbre my Mifii^s, bccaufc-lilence is "a -s iiga of Love as 
wcR as Pradcnce. {AJiJe. 

- F/;^. Methinks you look a little yellow on't, - (£tr Sinioa 
(li^ini tie Cktlh 
Mr. Dttfpenvit i I hop* you do not cenfure me 
Brcdufe you tind me piQing away a night with tHts Fool • 
He is not a Man to be' )ealous of fine. 

* /)«p. Yoiiarenot aLad/tobe jealous of (lire. 

P7t>> No cenalnLy, but why doyoa hx^as if you Were jea- 
lous then. 

Dof. If I had met ybu in Iffcflw/iBte's-Piiik, whhidrunk- 
eii Fbot-Soldjer, I Iboiildhot have tjecn jc(dous of you. 

Flip. Fye,fye,' iio*(r you arc jeakHa'cmaialy, -for Ptopic al- 
ways, when they ^row fealous, grow rude i but I can Pardon il 
.(fricejt proceeds from Love cftuinly. - ^ - l>af- 



, St.James'/-B«'4. , jS7 

7>a^ lunoatofallbopcstobeii^of this ctnnal old Ac- 
quaiotince.whcal jm her, Ibc thinks ha fdf prais'd, nct>P ^caH 
her Whore in plain Englilb, {he thinks I am jealous. ' C^fide. 

Flip. Sweet' Mt. Dj^peri'itt be not {o ceiirorioti$> J Tprak 
foe your lakt^ not.my..Qwn, foijeakiufieisatortncnt, butmy 
Honoui cannot fiilTei certainly. 

Ddp. No caainly) but. the greyed torment I have is youi 
Lore., ■* . ... I 

Etif, Abs fmct Mu Dafperwif, indeed Love is a torment i 
hat.'Ufit (Wect ttwifwntv: but Jn^f^e k ?,, bitter loftnciit, I 
cbnot go about to cure you of the torment of my Loye» , 

Dap. 'Tis a Ognfo.- . , ,, r . , .' , '■'_'.■ 

Flip* Come, comej took up.Man,!^ that a Rival tocohttft 
Wfihyou? 

D^. I wiir contcH with no Riyal, not 'with my old AivaJ 
your Coach-m^ but they have ^caitily my rel)gna(tDt>, and 
udo^oua.&vour, but.my felfa greater, I will help tye the 
knucyoaaKftuiiblingfbr now, betwixtyourculley here, and 
yon. . . 

Flip. Go, go, I takethatkind ofjcaloiilie worft of all, to 
rufpealwould bebauch'd tobeaill^^auimoiiyi butwhoaic 
thoTe-Getulemeti, jsay J-r-^r-ate^thcy Men of Fortunes, Mrs. 

. 5^^ I bdleve To. 
. . f/rjS: Do yoa.believe (b.i()decd-> gentlemen—— 

: , (WriFuf^ei/^ ffn>«r^ Rai^et ^(/ Vincent. 
Ran, If the dnlity we owe to Ladies, had not conirourd 
our Eavy ID Mr. Aifipirdi'if* wc had iaienuptcdeV this your 
private Converlaiion. ' 

Blip. Your intenuption, Sir, bad.becn'inDficivil,aadobIi- 
ing, for out difaHuTc Was of Maruigc. 

Rtn. Ttiat is a fubjei^, Madam, as grateful as commcMi. ~ 
, F^ 'Ofye, fyd,^rcyou oftharPpimgn too? I cannot- fuf- 
fer any to talk otit in my Company. 
- . - JU». Arc you Married then, N^d^^ ^ ' ' 

Flip. Ni] certainly. , 

Ran. I am fure (o much Beauty cuinot dcfpir of it. 

\F//>."Dtfpairtifit 

VJm. .Oily thofe that atc.Mairied, or aonot be Muric4 bate 
.tohcaiof Mairij^ 

Aa 3 .fi't' 



359 LomhiaiVaidiOt, 

flif. Yet you innft kuov^ Sir, my tvafion to Mmb^r & 
fbdi, dBtyouaotnoMmbrntfaiDg, Ihtil nttpetfmdc m 
to it. , 

K^a. Curs*d be the Man QioiiM do fb tdle a -dtbg ss (o 
petTwide you to tny tWng tgainft your iiKlinitpn i I wouM 
notdoitforthe W'otld, Madam. 

flif. Comr, come, though yOQ (Nai'ttybc • d«il Gentle- 
tkman, I chinh you no better than youi NrigMxHurs i 1 do tiot 
know a Man of you all, that wilt not tbuft tWoiwuiiip 
Into 1 Comer, and then nlk an hour to hnfiUpntiiKiMly of 
Bbrriige. 

X«ff. You wou*d find me another Man in > Corner, I at 
fure you, Madam, for you (hou'd not hayc a Word of Mantkge 
£rom me, whaifoever you might find in my adions of it i I 
hate taking as much as you. 

Htp. ITuteitcxtreamly. 

Rm. I am your Man then, Madam, fi]r l&id jiift the&Be 
fiiidt with your Sex as you do wkh oofs i I m'ai oou'd have to 
do with Woman in i^y lifcj but Aill Ihc wou'd be imperii aeW- 
ly taliungof Muriage to me. 

Fiif. Obfcrrethat, Mrs. J»y»er» 

Dap. Piay Mr. Rmgir, let's go, I hti. Mdier Unk wftb 
Mr. r/JKMt, than ftay hoe with you ; bdidcs *tis Park (fane. 

R*n. I come. '■ (T^Dap. 

Since yoti are a Lady thtt hate MmUg^ rWdoyoathe.ftrvice 
to withdraw the Compmy, for drafa that hate Murhge, bate 
loBofdm?* 

Flip. Win you go then> Sirt but bdw yon g<^ S|i, pny 
tdlmebyouravcriion toManiageretl? '■" ■ 

JUm. As real as yours. 

Flip. If it wete no mote real than aint- j . ■ {AjUt. 
- XdOf. Your Servant, Madami 

F/^. ButdoyouhateManiagecatairiy?(P£Hnb<BiMiMi: 

lUn. Certainly. 

flit. Come, I cannot bc£cn k, you diffirabk i^ onlf be< 
caule I pretend itv 

Rm. Do you bdt pfctend it then, Madun^ 

Flif. I OaltdiTcovcr my feif^ (JifJt. 

i mean, bcciule I hold againft i^ you do the fime in cooi- 
I^ifance \ for 1 have heard fay, conning Men lUik to fating 
.'^ ,^■ the , 



riwcay«i^w>tn£bUc.WoiiKnt!oameM(s, « tbeydofome 
Mid Peo^ bj humouring didr Freazcs. 

Ra». lamnOMofthote CBnain^Mcn, yet have too niQch 
Wit to cnlortun ifaa pnfiKBption ofdefignlng upoa you. 

jito. 'Twae Dofiich piciuinption neither. 

Daft OoaufWift hdcuh doatyou, yoafte your danger^ 

Km. ThqfeBiiMtitlbiSiiSimw, goodnight, Mid»m. 

Flip. Will you iMids*^ ibcn ^ theGoMlemeDaieagt^n^ 
^ JifMdM, will you let e m ? 

Sir Sim. Nay» Midara if you cannot keep 'em, how ffaoutd 

Flif. Suy Sir, bcQufe you hate Maniagr, I'll ling you a 
tKwSongagiunltit. 

Affeufeldobatty 
Far eithar fi^tfslf* tr^s jtaUm i 

But give Kj « Mattt 
Who polMjig will *tk at, vt tiS m^. 

Shtfimdi «fl m tttmtt - 
. Nor ebitfftrs hy way <f Indtntme, 
HtrUvt for your Farmt\ 
Bi*t4kisierkt^AiMst»vtMmt, 

If all freve net rights 
Wfthem #» AUt ?roufi, «• W^mmingf 

From U^feftr « nighty 
ToHmayhtJiwt^JmtieMami^i 

Wim FmHtt mt Slfvet,, 
Tbar Br*ttt umm he m^ rtnr > 

Great Wits^ anifriat Brmtnt 
Have tlwtyt » FuiA^to tbnr Mahtr, 

Fl^. Though it be die fifhioQ for Women of Qu^ty to fing 
any Song whunrei, becauie the Words ue ax. diftingidfliM } 
yet I {botl^ have bluQi'd, to ban done it nov, but foi you. 



'36q LoVf^ ia a Wood ; Of, 

Kan. The Song is ecltfying, the Voice adnaitaUr, lod once 
more I am ynur Scrvaut,. Madam. 

' Flif. What, will you go too, Mr. Dapftiwt ? 

Sir Sim. Pray, Mi. Dapperwit, do not you go Wcx 

Dap. I am ehgag'd. 

Sir Sim. Well, if we cannot have their Company, vre^Hl 
not have their Room, oinsis a piivate back Room i they have 
paid their reckoning, let's go tbitbera^in. 

Flip. But pray, {weetMr.P<i^i}wni'ir,donotgOi keep him, 
gir-SwM. 

Sir Sim. I cannot keep him. (Exeunt Vin. Ran. Dap. 

hit imfcfihU ; i' the World it fv^) 

One cannot kttf enet FritnJ, snd Mijlrefj too. 

(Ex. Omnes. 



ACT 11. SCENE L 

St. James'i-Ptfr^ « Night. 

Eftfer Ranger, Vincent, Daj)pcrwit. 
\ng me if; 1 am not pleasM extreainly 
taOiion'd caCcer>wouling, this midnight couiling in- 



IR.an.'TJX \ng me if; 1 am not pleas'd extrcamly with his new 

rl'" " ' 

the Pirk. 

Vin. A M'H tnay. come after Supper with his three Bottles 
in his Head, red himfelf ibber, without repioof from his Mo- 
ther, Aunt, or grave Rdatior>. 

Ran. May bring his Ba(hfu] Wench, and not have her put 
out of CoLtntenaiice b^ the impudent honctl Women of the 
Town. ' ■ , 

Dap. An3 a Man of Wit may have the bettcrirf the dumb 
fhew, of Well trim'd Veil, oc fair Peruquc \ no Man's now is 
whitefl. 

S«i. And now no Woman's modt^ft, or proud, for her 
|>la(hcs are hid, ani the Riitxes on her Lips are died, aiid all 
ilttpy iuict ^aimering Eyes have bft thcif Attrw^ion. - 



St, Jmn^S'Psrk. 35i 

fHiu And now a Man may cairy a Bottle nnder his Ann, in- 
ftcad of his Hat, and noobfeiTing Spruce Fop will tnjfs the 
Crrvatttnt lies on ones Skoukkt, oi count the Piinples on ones 
Face. 

D0p, And now the brisk Repartee ruins the complaifant 
Ciingej or vnfc Grimace j f(»nctMng *ova^, we Men of vir- . 
tuc s^ways Im^d (he Nl^. 
R«b Oblefled Seafbti. 
f^m. For good-Fellows, 
Rsn. For Lovers. 
Dap, And for the Mufes. 

lUm When I was Boy I lov'd the Nipht To wcltj I had a 
firong vocation to be a Bellman's Appieniicc. 
ytth 1 a Draper. 

Dap. And I to attend the Waits of Wefiminfier, kt mc 
pcarUh. 

Ran. But why do we not do the duty of this and fuch other 
'pbfirs, walk, cenfure, and fpeak ill of all we meet ? 
D*^ 'Tisnofault ofmlne, let mepcrilh. ■ ■ 
. fflfc Fyc, fye, Saiyrical Gentlemen, this fe not your tim«i 
■JOK^ cannot' dittingMifh a Friend frotn a Fop. 

Dap, No matta, no matter, they will dcferve amongA 'cm 
thcwoiAwccati''&y. ' 

Ran Who comes here, J>*pptrwHi 

J>ap, B/ the to6 of hi) Head, training of his 

fTtepie walking JImfy o-Oer the Sta^e, 
Feet, and his Elbows playing at Bo-peep 
Bchmd hislnck; it (bould be my Lord Eajj. ■ 
Ran. Aiid who the Woman? 
Dap. My iM^, what d'ye calPs Daughter 

That had a Child by 

■ ^H. T>apprfyMt, hold voor Tcmgae. 
R^. How, are you concrrn'd ? 
■ Wd. Bet Brother's an Honett Fellow, and will drink bis 
Glaft. 

' Rom. Pnthtii f^inetnt, Dappmvitiid n(» hinder drinking 
to night, though he fpake agatntl it > why then fhould yoo 
interrupt his SpetCi now let hiiri talk of any body. 
Km So he will, till ;you rot his Thtoat. 



%6% L0vt imAW»94 S O, 

JRm. Whyfliou*dycmiftaUoocifii»sthwHtbiai, coMann 
him, and tnalicioafly kxik gqn at Ms jefts only ? 

Vm. Wby do*s he always kw afuiUt my Fiicads them utd 
fny belt Friencl a Beer-glab > 

Rom, D*fftrvntt M your otm Actroott, my Gane I 
fhink is before me there? (fxipRan. 

Z>«£. This Amvct, 1 think, hai aBdwUI qiulitin, of aU 
your Town Fops, leaving his Compaoy ip§ a ^occ Loid. 
gr a Wench. 

Vin. Nay, if yoa muft rulat youi own bcfi Fficnds, I may 
Ibr^ve you railing at mnie. 

Z^Jl Falfe K«;;er, ftiaU 1 M thcehuv ^ C^yi^ 

Tw. Thofc are Women, are they not ? (X» Dap* 

lUf. The Icalt feems to be my Luef (iue. (4fidi. 

Vin. Faith 1 think 1 dare fpeak to a Woman in the Cbil^ 

kt'stry. 

]?«f.They an PeifoDS of QiuUty of my Ac^intaace V h(Al 
Vin. Nay, if they an Perlbnsof Quality of your AcTuia- 

fanct I may be the bokkr with '«iiu 

' (Jht LdJits go'tffj thtyftllamtimi hy^tini Ftif>|)Mt 
RitMrr, 
Lyi. I come hither to make a difcovery 10. Night. 
Flip. Of my Love to yw cauhily ; for no bo4p but yoii 

OHiM have ddaiKb'd ma to the Park cbtaUy.; I woa'd not 

setum anotbtt oiglbt, if k woe tQ aedeem my deaf Husband 

ftom his Grave. 

Ljd, I believe youi but to g^ aoothci, Wtdowi 
Ilif. Another Husband, another Nlisbtnd, fehl 
Lyd. There does not paft a night boe, hut mmtj a natdi 

is made. 

Flip. That a Woman of Honour QkmM Ihk the word 

Match in her mouth > but, I bqx^ Madafln, the FcUow* do 

0ot XB^ Honourabk Lovf bac* do ihcy i 1 aboi«loaCe bo* 

nourablc Love, upon my Honour. ' 
L»i. IfdMylhouldni^hiMoniaUeXovcba^Ikiiowyoa 

.would fseveot 'cm. 

Vincent n4 Daf^nrwii R^iMert Mi wMtfimiy ttwmit 
lirw. 

But hoc come two Men wilt inform you what to doi 



Lyd. Prepare fair id A&ult, thry'l put you to*t. 
l^if. VVtl dicy put us c&*t ocminly M w«s mver put Co*t 
yec,if they (Iwu'd put us ta't,! fluxiU 4iDp donini dot{>n (xnainly, 
^V. K bdkK, inilya you wou'd nee have potyec to lun 
atray. 

fZ^ ThtafisK I will not ft^ the poQ^ ibey cgme, tiicy 
comcj (^ the FcUamrs come! 

Flippant riMs «v«y, Lydia fdltwst luij Vinceff, 
W Daypeiwii i^Mr f im. 
f linMOt Retmtri at ratter dW iiJmi 
So, luDgitf mdor: Ididoot rui irom tbc Men, butmf 
Companion, for all thdr bn^ Men Iutc iuidl/ Coun^ to 
fin apaam, .wlwa outfiuiabn is e4]uali now tlxy ihaU Tee I 
detk 'cm : For we Women have always moft Coaa^ wtmi 
we are alone i t)utapox— ihelnle Rogues corae Tiot> oi 
they are Drunk and annot run . Oh drink, abofsfauble drink ! 
inlicad of inBaoing Love, jt quenches it, end for ooc Lover 
itinoHirages, it mtkcs a Tboabnd impotcof . 

CufAoniHWine, creaRho^ Wise awl Sugar < > 

Alter. AddWfdot; mufftd i» s CU^k. 
Bat Foetunc will not fee loewabt^ hoc axaa a iingk Ba&y, I 

Ar iMMf s tfif;kt tbejt/Hiiig NjpiH^itydJtr, 
JbM mtitm 'Sstjr with bis Cl»4k.**r fiaiUtn 

VVeH met, Sb. (Sii Sitfi mhtrMfAtk 

■ Sit Sim. How flnlt 1 know that, fedbothj who arc yba } 
do you know me,' 

FUf. Who are you? don't you Inow me? 

Sh Sim. Not I, Faith and Troth. 

Flif. lam glad on't, foi no Mane*erlik*da Woipandic 
better for Iiaving known her before. 

Sir Sim. I, but then one can't be lb fitcc with anew Ac- 
^laintanCe, as vidian old one i (heinaydcnyooetbeCiTility. 

FUf. Not till foa ask her. 

Sir Sim. But I un aftaid to bedcoy'd. 

FUf. Let meteU you, Sii^ yoHcimuCdifobliBE us VV^oiccb 
nwic^ thm m ditbofiii^ W^ 



3^4 l^69e in * Whod'^ Or, <• 

Sir Sim. Klh, whit (bouM one asb for, when fan know 
on's meaniogf but fbtll I deal fively with yoa ? 

Fiif. I love of mj Life Men fboold deal frecif with me i 
Aere aie lb few Hen will deil freely with one — 
' Sir Sim, Ate you not i Firdllipv a Punk,.Mwlata^ 

FUp. Well, Sir, I Lotc Raillery. 
. Sir Sim. Fiith and Troth I do not lailly, I deal fsecl/. 
Flip. This is the time uid pbce foi.frtcdo(D> Sir> 
SirSint. Areyouhandfom i 

Fti^ Jem's isgooiasmjlAdv in Ate ixAiy certainly; bat 
Mm that dell 'fittly, never ask Queftions, certainly. 
' Sir Sim. How then ! I thought to deal freely, and put a 
Woman t6 the Queftion, had been all one. 
' Flif. But let me tell you, thoCe that deal ircely tocteed, take 
t Woman by— — 
Sir Sim. What, what, what, what ? • 
Ftif. By the hand, and,' and li^d her aGde. - 
- ' Sir Sim. 'Now I un Jerfland you, come along-tbcn. 
Eirrer Tarcbet mid Mmfkk *t » di^Mct. 
Flip. What unrnmiKily Rafc^s are dio& - chat bring Ugbt- 
into the Park ^ 'twill ^ot be taken weH itrom 'em^by the VVo- 
mencertainlys-flflldi&ppointed*— — * {^AfJa 

Sir Sim. Oh the Fidlcs, the Fidles, 1 fent for diem hither to 
oblige the.yVonwn, not to offend 'cm i fori intend to Sere- 
nade thewholcPark ? tortghti butmyFroIick is riot with- 
out an intrigae, Fattb and Troth i for f know the Fiddles wilt 
call the whole Herd of vizard Masks together i and then (hall 
I difcover if a Bray'd MiftteJs of mine be notamongft *em, 
whom- 1 treited- to night at the Frtnch-Hmfe s but as loon as 
the Jilt had eatupmy meat, and drank htir tvro Bottles,' Ak 
■un away from me, ahd left n^c alone. 

Flif, How! is it he! AdJleflat., that 1 cou'd not itnow him 
by his Faith aridTroth. (AfiJe, 

Sir Sim. Now I wouM utidrrlland her tricks, becaufe I in- 
tend to Maht'lilh', aitd' Ihou'd be glad toknowt^hat I muft 
nuft ta " ' ' . 

flip. So thou (halt, but not yet. (A^e. 

Sir'Sim. Though I can give a great gue&alrcady; forif I 

hive anv intrigue or Tenfe ininc, flxisas arrant ajilt,.as 

ever puird Pilbvi^ from under Husband's head, Faith and 

• - ^^Troth.• 



St. Jzmcs't-Tark gSf 

Troth: Moteova (beisbow-legg'd, hof^hif^'djand bett^zc 
PomatuiD and Spinilh Read, has a Comidczioa like a HcMaai 
Ch«fe> and no more Teeth left, than fuch u ^ve a HaoA* ' 
gouft to her breath i but the is rich f Faith and- Tioth.^ 

Flip. OhfUcal.' hehas heard fome body eUc fay all this 4| 
me ; but I muIV not difcover my fclf, leli I (bould be dj&fynjnlffj 
of my lercngc, for I will marryhiak C^fide^ 

Tbt Torebtt and Mnfkk affTMtbiiv. (Em. fi'ifftau 

Sir Sim. What gone ^ cone then urike up my Lads. 

(Etittr Aim Mi Womtn in ViXjatds., tmd Donee, 
Addleplot far tbt mtfi fart fianding ^iU in '» CUak and Vf 
K#ri/i Ihix fimttimei £eing aboia pu^g 4nd examning tit 
Wimtni Clomlu i tbi Daaa mdtd. 

Exeunt Danttn^ Ttrcbif, Miifici, and Addleplot. 

ErUerFlipplant, Lydia, after them Vincent, "Dipfennt.' 
Fl^. Nay> if you ftay any longer I muft kave you again. 

(nLydw 
Vin. Wc have oTcr-uken them at hA agfun. 

(tUf. going if. 
Thefearethey : they ftpaiatc too, 
And that's but a challenge to us. 

Dap. Lrtmeperifli, Ladici- 

Lydt Nay, good Madamj let's unite, now hcrc*i the com- 
mon Enemy upon na. 

Via. Damn me, Ladies—— 

Dap. Hold, a Pox you are toorough, kt me Pcri{h Ladies. 

Lyd. Not for want of treatb* C^tlonen, we'll ftay ra- 
ther, . . 

Dap, For wantofypurfivourrather, SweetLadies. 

Ftif. That's Dat^nvit, fal(e Villain . but he muft not 
know lambae? ifncfhouldj I (houldlore his thrice agreeable 
Company, and he would run from me, as faftasiiomthc 
.Bayli/^ What you will not talk with 'on 1 hope ? 
-Lyd. Ye5,butlwill. 

Flip. Then youa^ca Park-Woman catainly, andyou wilt 
take it kindly if 1 leave you. 

l^d. No, you muli not leave me. . (Jfmt. 

Flip. Tlurn you mull leave them. 



^66 LovtinaWMd^ (Ul 

JjfJ, ra fee if they are worie Companr di«i fon fkA. 
FUf. Moaftrous Impudence, wilt you not come ? 

"" r/n. Nay, Madam, IneveifiilVerany violenortDbeus'dto 
« Woman, bit what I do my fiX>, (he muft flay, ukI yod 
imA not go. 

JVi^ Unhand me, yoo rude Fellow. 
Vin. Nay, now I am fare you will flay and be kind > (at 
coyiK^ in a Woman ii as little %a of tfue Modefly, as bif- 
fing in a Man, b of tiue Courage. 

Dap. Ure her gently, and fpeak fcA thfi^ to her* 
Lyi. Now 1 do gucft 1 know my Goxcoonb. C^4^' 

%, 1 am extrcamly gltd 1 am &Ilcn into the hands of a Gen-: 
tktnan, that can fpeak foft (hiflgs i and this is fo fax a n^Kt co 
hear foft things in \ Manning f IhouM hive (aid, 

D^f, It will not be Morning, drai Madam, till yoo pull off 

yoof Ma^ s that I ihfnk was btisk — iA/Ue. 

I^i. Indeed, dear Sir, my Face would filghtcn haclf the 
&in. 

Dsf. With Tories, more ladiint than hii ottn \ 
Ikeep Bpwhh her, I ^ink. ^ iA^Je. 

Lfd. But why wou'd you put me to the ffOuMe of Hghdng 
the VVorld, when I thought to have gone to fleep ? 
Dap. You only can do it, deat MacGtcnj let nw poriC^ 
LjJ, But why woii*d you (of all Men) peaAke Tmlbii 
againd your Fiiend Ptixhiu, and depole bun, for a ntct 
Stianga i 
DMp, I diink flie knom me. (jtfiJe. 

Lfd. But he doesnotdoyouJuflicelhclWe, oAdyouarc 
ib politively cock-fure of your Wit, you woa*d refer toar 
meer ftranger your Pka to the Bay-ticc; 

Dap. She jean me, let me pcrifb. . iAfi^^ 

Vm. Dapperivit, a little of your aid, for ay Lady's invind- 
bly dum. 
LjfJ. Wou*d mine had been fo toob (AfiJt* 

Fin. 1 have us*d as many Argutnents to mris her fpake, as' 
iue'reijuiftte to make other VVbmen hold meir tongues. 

D^. Well, 1 am readf to change fides, yet before I go^- 
Madam, fincc the Moon confents, now I (hou'd fee your Face,- 
let medefuejtoi^ to pull off your Mask, wUdi to a faiadfbnv 
Lady isafavwt, i'mfure. '^ J^J^ 



St. JamesVPrfr^. 367 

LjJ. Tnilv, Sir, I muft not be long in debt to you fet the 
obligpdoo; piay, let tnc hear ymittcttt {bmc of your Vcifcs, 
wt£t\ fo a Wit, it a firvooi Vm (itrc. 

t>gf, Madanii it belongs to your Sex to be cblig'd firl^ 
fK^ off your mask, and 1*1) pull out my Paixr. 
Brisk a^dn of ray fide (Afiie, 

Ljd.' 'Twou'd be In vab, fat yoa TRHiId want a Candle 
now. 

UUs. IdiKnotnahctjIieagain of thclofticofbei 

Fhc; rn Wait upon 70a home then, Midam. 

tyi. Futh no, I believe it vnH not be inadi to oar advaft- 
tages, tofaong my Face 01 yovI^Ktiy to light, fori hq>e, you 
liaveyet a fwccty good opniioa of my Face, and fo ban I of 
jonr VVk ; but If you arc fbc ^oving youi V^t, w hy do noc 
youwiiKaPlay> 

ZX^ BecM& ^ now m mote Reputation to write a Play, 
than k is Homut id be a Kni^ , yooi true Wit dcfpires the 
Title of Poet, as much as youi true Genclnrun the Tiilc of 
Knight, for asaman may faeaKnl^tand no Oenileman, fo 
a naa omt be aPotC and no Wit, let me pcrifh. 

Lyi. Pny, ^, bow ace yon ^pnff 'd , or diAingalHiM 
unongft die rates of .Wits ^ and how many rates arc there? 

i>ip. llKreiteas many d^rees of Wits, asof Lawycn; 
as thcR Jc iirft yDar*Somdtor, then your Attorney, then your 
Pleading-Gounfe], riim your Ghambct'Counlel, and then 
your Judge > fo there is firft yoor Court- Wit, your Coffijc- 
Wit, your PoU-Wit^or PoUitick. Wit, your Chamba- Wit, 
« ScribUe Wit, and laft of all, your Judg-Wit, or Cri- 
tick. 

Lfd. Boi ate there as many Witsas Lawyers ? Lord, what 
vrSA become of as ? what cmptoyrocnt can they baye ? how ate 
ihey knownf 

Dt^ Ptrft, your Court- Wit. is a faOikmable, infinuatlne, 
flattering, cri|i^g, gtatoacing, Fellow i and as Wit eiwu^ 
lolbllictcafuitof Love^ and if he fail, he has malice enough 
to lain tke wqihii with a dull Lampoon, but he rails fiill at 
the man that is ^ent, for you muft know, all Wits Rail; 
and hif Wit properly lies in combing Peruquea, matching 
Ribbond^ and being (evcrr, as tbcy call it, upon other Peoples 
Ctoaths. , ^sLyd. 



368 Lew in a Weod'^ Or, 

LyJ. Now, whit is the CofJ^Wit ? 

t>»p. He is a lying, oenforious, goffipping, quibUing 
Wictch, and fcts People togtchci by tbe Ejus orcr dat ibber 
Dimk, Coffee i he is a Wit, as he is a Cotnentstor vipoa the 
Gazcete \ and he Elails at the Pints of Algtrt^ the Gnod Sig- 
nioi of Cai^antiaotki and the Chridian Gnuid S^nior^ 

i?-i What kind of Wit is yout Poll- Wit ? 

Dof. He is a tidgctitig, buGe, dc^natical^ hot-headed Fop> 
that fpcaks always in Sentences aiid Pfovcib^ (as odiet in Si- 
mililadcs) and he Rails papclually agunft the ptdcnt Goran* 
ment ; his Wit lies in Projeds and Monopoliai add pcntui^ 
Speeches kit young Parliament Men. 

Lyd, But what is youiChatnbei-Wit, or Scribbb-Wit ? 

Vap. He is a poring, melaacfaoly, modeft Sot, aflum'd of 
the World; he IcarLhes all the Records of Wit, to compile a 
Brtviate ot them for the ufe of Playcis, Printns> Book icDeu 
and (bmetimcs Cooks, Tobacco-tnen > be iiiiploys his tailing 
againft the Ignonncc of the Age, and all that have moEC Mo* 
ney than he. 

Ljd. Now your laft. . 

Pap. Your Judge- Wit or Critick, is all thcfetc^iedter, and 
yet has the Wit tobcnonc of them ihecaatbink,.fpc^, writ^ 
as well at all the relt, but fcorns (himfclf ajudgc) to be judg'd 
by Polleriry ; he Rails at all the other ClalTes (^. Wits, and bis 
Wit lies in damning all but hionfelf: He is your true Wit. 

Lyd. Then 1 fufpcift you are of his Form. 

Vaf. I annotdcny it Mjdam. 

Vifi. Dapptrtnit, yiiu have b«n alt this time on the wrong 
fide^for YOU love to talk all, atidhac's.a Lady wou*d not haw 
hindred you^ 

DAp. A'POK, I have been talking too long indeed here* 
for Wit is hl\ upon a liUy weak Woman,, as well as Cou- 
rage. ' (Afi^ 

yin. 1 have us'd all comnKui means to tttove a Wocnans 
Tongue aitd Mask ; 1 call'd |ier ugly, old, and,old.Acquain> 
tance, and yet (bcwou'd not dtlprovc ine: but hnc comes 
Ranger^ let hlto try what he can do, f(Hc fiocc my Miftrds is 
dogged, ril go fltep done. {ExiU 

D,J...Googk-A»"gef 



Sc. Jamss'/'Tarlt. 3 69 

, Kangcr Eaten. 

Ijfi. Rjt^r ! 'tis he Indeed i I am ionry be. is here, but 
gl«r I difcQvered him before I went, yet he mun not dilcorcr 
me, left I fboald be pKvented hoeaftcrj in finding him out^ 
Me Ranger, . . lAfidt, 

Naff if tney bring frefii force upon us, MadaiDj 'tis time to 
^ this Field. , ,. (Ex. Lyd. flip, 

Hm. What, ptay with your Quairey till it fly from you, 
Dtf. You fir^tai it away. 
Rjoi* [fa ! Is not one <^tho(e Ladies in mourning^ 
Dap, All Wdmen are fo by diis lighf. 
JLnr. But you iQigbt eadly dilixm it, don\ yw knew her^ 
Vaf. No. 

Xm. Did you talk with her i , 
J>sp. Yes, fhc*; one of your brisk filly Badges. 
Ran. Tis flie, 'tis (!•€, ( was a&aid I ftw her before, Ifct us 
Ibtlow 'em prithee make hahc. ( Exttmi. 

*T:\%Lydi». , , (Afide. 

Lydia, My Lidy Flippant retunu at the oihir dair. 
Ranger, Oippciwit, fallowing tbem at a dt^ance. 
. tvd. They ftJbW as yet I feit, , . > 
. Flif. You do not ^t it certainly^ otbawilc, you wou d 
not. have incouraged them. . 

Ljfd. For Htavens fake,. MadaiD, waVe your^juarreUlittlei 
and let us pais by your CcMch, and Jnon bxHtp your Acijuain- 
sanoe id the old Pell-mell i for I wmld not be diicoveiM by the 
^^ that .came up laft to us. {txeimtt 

Tbt Scene, ebanv* to Chriflina'j ^Lodgii^, 
Etarr Chriffina, t&be). 
Ifa. le'oi Heavens fake undiefs your (clf^Madam ) they'll hot 
return to night all Pet^le h^relcft thcPiikan houiawu 
CW. VlTiatis'taClock? 
i/i. *Tls psft oiie. 
Chri. ltcannot.be. 
, Ifii f thought, that timehsJotilyAcilcfl&oiiibai^Ldvehi 
the Difcon&datc tuve nothfaig to dp but to tell the Ckicki 
CbrL I can .only keep acoount wiih my liisfbitunes; 
Ifi. lim glad ibey are not ianumeiaU& 
, Cirh And truly itiy undlergcAng fo otidl youtimpeftinencvf 
iidotthcickaof tbMn< 

' B b r« 



Ipf.'^iam then mote glad. Madam, for then they cannot 
be great, and it is in my power, it fecnos, to make you in part 
happy, (f I could but hold this villancw Torgoe of mine, 
but t!wn let the People of the Town hold theii Tongues iSthej 
will, foi 1. cannot but tell you what they fay. 

Chri. What do thty fay ? 

Jfa. Faith, Madam, I am a&aid to tell you, now Ittnak 
on*t. 

Chi. Is it fo ill ? 

J/i. O, fuchbafc unworthy things. 

Chri. Do they fay, I was really CleHmimi't WeiKh as be 
boafted ; and that the ground of the quarrel betwi« VmUntm 
and him, was not Valintines Vindication of my honour, but 
CUriimnt's jeabulie of him. 

Ifa. Wot(e, worfe a Thoufand tttna, fiidi VQhinus^wigf 
to the uttei ruin of your Reputation. 

Chri, What ate they ? 

Jfa. Faith, Madam, you'll be An^y, 'tis tlie old trick of 
Lovers to hate their Informers, after they have made 'em fuch. 

Cbri. I will not be Angry. 

I/j. They lay then, (incc Mr. yaUmine*s fiyhigiiito Frautt, 
you are grown mad, have put your feVintb Mourning, Imin 
adaik Koom, where you'll fcenobodf, ntvtikc any rdt cby 
ot nieht, but lave and talk to your frif perpetually. 

Cir/. Now what elfe? 

J/a. ButthefureAlignofyourmadnefi, is,therfiiy, brcaofe 
you arc dcfpaately rcfolvM (m cafe my Lord Clerimmu fbocdd 
dye of his woun<^) to Ttanfpott your fclf and Fortoneinto 
FroHfe, to Mr. Valentine-, a Man that has not a Gioat to n* 
turn you in Exdiange. 

Chri. All this hhherto, btruci nowtodieftft. 

Jfa. Indeed Madam, 1 have no mote to tetl jaa^ I was fix- 
ly, rmfure, toheatfomuchofany Lady t^tninb 

Chri.. Infupportjbte Infolcncc. . 

Jfa* Thisisfcrae'Revengefbrmywanttrf' Sleep to' Nf{^-, 
fb 1 hope my old Second is come ; 'tis (eafbnabic Relief. 

iAfidt. (KmeJang tt tht T>6er. 

Cbri, Unhappy Valfntine^ OMi'dRthou but (Eh. l£tbdli 
^fbehowfoon thy AbTcnce, su]d Mif-fortoncs have didianded all 
thy FricnJs, and tutn'd thy Slaves all Rco^ado's, thou fine 
won'dfi pttze my only fidthfii] Hnrt. . .... Baittr 



! ' ^di^ VX**^ Flippant, t^aia, IfalteT. ra tier. 
.PB.^ mdM Shephetdds -, buE tiuly, I 'had not kept 
nty waM wirti 700, in cotning tnck to Ni^t, if it had not . 
beea^ i^his Lady, who has hex intrigues too with tiic Felknnt, 
as wdl is Tou.. 

cbnmdit to ficg ytiuis ; bt4ng jufi now puifu'd out of the Parle 
1^ a Relation of mine, br whom it imports rae extreamly not 
to be di^aM 1 but I fear he is now at the docw. 

Let roc deftrcf ou to deny tae to bim coura^uuflf , 

(Jo Ilabpl g^ng em* 
Foiiie wiQ haidly Jielieve he an be miffafeen in toe. 

Giri. ' In &di an oocafioil where impudence is requifite, Qtc 
wtlfferVcyoa, ay faithfully as jrou can Willie Madam. 

T^, Come, oomc, Madam^ do not UfAxnid hnf wii& tier 
sflTur^nee. a qualification that only fits her for a toadies, .Sei- 
VKki a hn^ Woman of the Town, an m no mKTre witl>ouc a 
Wonoiii' riiat ail make an excufc with an Affurance, than Qw , 
cad be without a Gla6 cettainly. 

Cbri. She needsno Advocate. 

Slif. Hqw can anycHK alone niaKage an Amorpus tncriau£ { 
the' the Bird* are tame, fbme Body nuift hclff draw the Net i 
If !tweie not (or i Woman that could matte an excufe widi 
aflhram:^ how ftioi!i*d we weedlcy pltj trace, dlfcover, coun- 
trrmfbe> .uDdcin)iiu,uid Idow tip die ffioking Fellows, which 
is all the ple^c 1 rnxive, or de%n by them i /or t nevrr ad- 
mitted 2 Man tomy ConTerfaiion', iMltfotMs PuniQuncnt cet« 
ttinlF- -tr 

Cbri, No body will dou1>t that certainly, 
tlabcl Retmni. 

Ifs. Madam, the Gentleman will not file tAiftalmv he f>M 
yodate hae, he &v^ yoi^come in; he it your Rdadon, DU 
Name's A()^(r, and is come to wait upon you borne > I had 
teuch wit) ro keep him frbm coming up. 
. I^d. Madam, for Heavens fake help me, 'tis yet iii your 
EWer,ifbut whilcltetireiintoyoutDiali^ioom,y6uwiBf4a(e 
K> perfonate me, (To Cbitiiw 

and own yoiic k% for her be purfu'd out of the Park ; youare 
in Mournbig too, aiid yoin Statutt To madtx miae, it will not 
yo* Bb a Skit 



37^ tovt iff a Wud^ Or, 

Chri. I am fixry, Mubn,! rouft difputo iny Comimnd of 
jroun^ IhavemacleaRcfolutitt^tolcctheFaceof noMui,tiII 
sn Unfortunate Friend o{ nuoe, now oiu of the Itiogilodi, 

,ietuni. 

Lyd' By that Frlnid> and by the Hopes you have to (cc him, 
let toe con}iiie you to.keqp nac from the fi^t c^ mioe now* 
DeaT Madani> let ^ oui Chaiity prevail oveir yoiu Supofiitioiu 
Ifa. HccomcSj he cbmesj. Madam. 
Ranget Etttert. 
Lydia wuhirawt^ and fimds uufem M tU Atr* 
XtfAHa/ this is no'l^Jia. 

Chri. What unworthy Defamo has encouragM you to oflet 
this Infutence. 

Rtm. She is likn Lydia in ber Stile, thati her Faa; I fee I 
am midalten} but to tell her I followed her for aoothct, were 
an AAont, ratliet than an Excafe > Qic*5 a ^omxis Cmtuic. 

Chri. TcUmc, Sir, •»&€!«€ had youHfafon, for this you£ 
rude parfuit of mr, into my Lodgings, my Chamber i why 
flioutd you follow me? 

Ran. Faith, Madam, bccauTc you run amy from UK. 

Cbru That was no I'l^ of ^n. Acquaintance. 

Rtfjj. You'll ^rdon me, Madam. ' ' 

Chri. Then it feeais you rnJ^oDk me.fisr another, and the 
Nig^t i; your Escufc, which blots out all Diffindions : But 
iiowyou aie fatistirdiii your'i»ii1ake, I hope, ;^ouwiQ(eekout 
your Woman in anorher place. 

Ran. Madam, I allov not the Excufc.you make fox me i If 
1 have Offended, I will rather be Condemn'd for my Lotc» 
than Pardon'd for my Infcnlibility. 

Lyd. How's that > (BtiiMd. 

Chri. What do you fay .? ' 
. Ran. Tliough the night had been darker, my heart wou'd 
not have fuffci d me to follow any one but yaa j he has been 
toolong acquainted with you, to miftakcyou. " 

Lyd. What means this tendemefsi bcmiliookme for hei 
. fute ? (BtbinJ. 

Cbri. What fays the Gentleman f did you know me then, 
' Sir ? ' " . 

D,l,z.:;,C.OOg|i: 



-St. JamcsVftirJt 3^3 

Km, Not T, riie Devil take me, but I mull on now. 

CAfJu 
Cou'd jiou Inia^r, Madam, by the innumeraUe- crowd of 
your Adnuiers, you had left any Man firce in the Town, or 
igporant of the Power of your Bnuty f 

Cbri* 1 neirir livw-your iaot before, that t remrniber. 

Rmi. Auh Miulam ! you wou'd nerer regard your huirditcft 
Slave i I was tUt now a iiuMleft Lover. .^ • 

I^Z Falfift of Men, ' . '{Bthind. 

Chri. My Wdoun ^d,' ypu cunc to (eek a Reiatiba here,' 
XKAthUBtnb. : 

Rm. I muft; dbrtfeCt, Madam I dipught yon wou'dfooner 
dl&arore my diflbnbkd Errour, dian admit my Viflt, and was 
tetohr'dto&eyaa.' 

. tyd, 'Ttl cteu. . . ■ fBetinJ. 

, Rms. Indccdy''iwfa(n T foQow'd you firft ont of the Park,- 1 : 
wasafrud youmight have been ascertain Rdation of mine,' 
ibr your StaOosB and Uabifs arc. the fame t but when you entet'd 
hae> Iwas with joyconvinc'd: Bclidcs, I would not for the 
yVb^ have-^iothei troubtefoinffLovc, lb much-cncounge- 
nwn^ 10 havctdift^'d n^fotv^elAddrtfles toyoii^ .farihe- 
FooliO) Woman do'sperjpctuallytOEHieQcmc, to makeour Rc> 
btieanmbi'faac never more iii Vain, than fiacclbavc ^cn 
you. Madam. ■>■: 

T '^r^ How, ChaB'Lfuifer this i 'ti^ ckar hcdifappi^tad mc 
to:n^ ibtliar,:idd piade me ftay athomc, thatl migfu lioc - 
dififiipoint him^ber Gocnpny m tM Park. {£ehhtJ, 

Cirii I.amiamaz*d! but let "me' tdfcym. Sir, if the Lady 
\ifln>ber9, I wo»'d&ti5tiehai!:Ae:figjbiaf nuflMMfdiKVet 
ftuflmc ^ AuMd oB t dcfipts iponhei cruel KJnfinari. .. 

Lfd. I wifli 70U cou'd &tisBe me. (BehmJ. 

Xm. Iflhc weieJine, (he .wbuM fitttsfie you, flie were not 
cafH^ of the Honour to be taken for you (thot^in the dark) 
faith^ myCadtiaisbataTtolcnUs Woman to a man that had 
noc~ Jtenyouk ''a? .' 

Ciri, Sure to my Plague, this is the firft time you ever &w 

OK? .-■ »..■)■ 

Ren. Sure to the Plague of my poor heart, 'tis not the hun- 

drtth cimc 1 have (een yoa i for iince the time I (aw yoi> tirft,you 

have not been at the Park, PUy-houle, Exchange, or «hc( pub- 

Bb 3 ' lidf 



374 ■'^^ i^o-IVfifid^ Or, 

lick [jace, bot I &w yoa > fi» it was my bnliDds to w^tdb aaj 

follow. 

C^ Pray, when iH fou fte me hft «ttheF«r£, Fisy 
Houfei ut Evckaagt'*. 

R<M. Some two, thrRi^iys, ocaWeckagD. . 

ebri. I'hvcnoc been this Month coiofiUrCtHnkber. 

!.>£ That is to ddude ni«. * > V (JBrimV. 

Gbn. I knew you woe mifiakoL 

Rm. You'll pardon a Lovers Memory, Madam 
ApQX, Ibavebang'd my rcW in. ihy owir:Uiie, onewotrd 
think, my perpetual ItHuck inlying, fliould break meoCdie 
quality i. but like a toting Gahiftu, 1 an fitf for poOling on, 
till none will tniftnob , ■ i-J^jHf* 

. Cbri. Gome, Sir, you lun out of tme Enow }fMQ zfftitOt 
y6u Woldd Escufc the rudcnefs of yout miftakc, and inteafion 
at this houri into my Lodangs mth por-g^tBiiy to m^ 
more HnlcafQaaUe and offflnuvb 

Rmu Ha;-, 1 am in lore I fee, forlhluQi) andiRtfle apta 
w<HKlto&y'f(Uroy (elf. ': . 

Cbri* Bat, Hr, if you wffl needs pby' t]K.,GiUaitt> ftssf 
lemeaiyHoufeteroKMiiniiaftleftytti Qioit'dtfaefao go Woe 
to the &andal o( my Honntt -. ■ 

. Ckri.: Rathcc than th^t Siou?d be, I'H call op the HenlaiMd 
Neighbours to bear witnefs, I Ind you be axx, 

Rd»..^aot you take a ai^t vifit ia i!t,%bfiaih, I will ncva 
Wait u^jyoB again, bat bff day} I-gbi'^^l nay hi^ 
to return,,' and for once, I wiA yam g^A^jha.wiihoutjn& 

Cyi. Goodiught, fiaras-br^asIIiVc ...;4fix. Ranger. 

Xy. And good nigl^ to my lore, V^ lArjv ■ r-UmL 

Cbri.VMS^Wiant ddne you an itiiwirthiUMi farioi^ I 
affurt you, - ■ ' - '■'■"!.'■■ . 

Madaoij yoii arc not a Htde oUtg'd to me. . 
Pardon cDe^: dear VMm'm. C^. 

I^d. Iknownotyer, whodKtlam norcobUg'd thanb- 
iur*dt when Ido, I aflfurc you. Madam, I fluQ not be iafio- 
libleordthcri . ' ' 

Cbri. I lear. Madam, you are as IbUe to mVlakfs as yov 
Kmlinan. , 

t': Lyd. liear,. 1 aao iDonfiibjed to *c% iitmf be ia mat 
ofileq^ dietefoce I'll go boBic. ....<.■ v. 

^"' "'^" CM, 



' ' Chl Uy Lady fJiffMott good Night. 

FiiP. Good Night* (» tamer good Morrow, faithful Shep* 

Ckri. 1*11 vrat of you down. 

JLyJ* yoat Coadi fl»/s yet, I hope. , 

F/ji/. Ccrt^y. 

The SeetKf Thi S$rtet, 

Eater Ranger, and Dapperwit. 

Ddf, X was a fekhful CentincI, no tpdy came out, let me 
pctilh. 

Rm. No* no, I hooted, upon a wrong fcent ; I chought 1 
tud foUow'd a Woman, but found her an Angel. 

J>tf/. What is her Naiqc > 

Ran. That you muft lell me i What very fine WoAtin is 
there lies hacabouts? 

DM0 Faith, 1 koow not any., (he is I warrant you fome 
fine Woman, of a Terms Handing ot To in the Town ; iuch 
as fddom a^fcar in publick, but in their Balconies, wISere they 
ftand fooHilHntlf, one wou'd think thcjr had bit'd no other 
partofthcHoure. / 

JUn. And look like the PidtuRs,. whidi Falntcts npoTc to 
draw itr Cuflomersi but I muA know who (be is, FthctHt's 
Lod^ng is hard by, I'll gp and enquire of hiin, and lye with 
him to nt^ i but if he will not kt me, Til lye with you, fw 
my Lodging is too far off — '- — ■ 

i>af, Tbcn I wUI go before, and cxpcd you at mine. (Ex* 

Tit Scent, Vinccnt'x Losing, 

£Mer VilKCnt, ofd Vakolinc, in « riJi^ Haiit, «i niwly 
from a Jowntyt ' ^ 'i ' 

Vtti. Yoiu: Miftids, dear Vdmtint, will not be more gM 
tofeeyou^ but my wonder is no Ic6 than my ioy, fbat yoa' 
wou'd return ere ycHi wen informl'd .C^MVff wcir'e put of 
Dlt^Ser 1 his SuEgieons themfelvcs, have wX bccni0iirM 0^ 
his iccowry till within thcfe two days. 

Vol. I^t'd my NUtlrcls, not my Utci-my Li&Icou'd 
truft agaia witti my old Enemy, Foituac > bit doc longer, 
Bb 4 ' ' r- 



\yC Li/vein a Wood^ Ot, 

uvj MilbcG, in the hands of my gieatet Enen^ ho: Rela- 
tions. I 

Vin. Your feat was in the wipng Place then, fbi though my 
Lord C/erifiRwr live, he and his Relationsi may {lai you in mote 
[>angei of youi4ifc> thaa youx Miftrdfci Hdadons can Of lo- 
fing hci. 

Vtl. Wou'd any cou'd, fecuie her, I wou'd my iclf Ceojxt 
my Life, for I fliou'd value it then. 

ViU' Cofne, come, heiRelationscandoyounohutts Idate 
fwcar, if her Mother fhou'd but iay, yout Hat did not cod 
handfocnly, Qie wou'd never ask her BleiSing again. ■ 

VmI. Pmhee leave thy footing) and tell me, if fince my de- 
parture, She has given tvidcnccs of ha LcAre, to dear thole 
dtHibtsI went away with i for asa'bfenceis'thebancof com* 
tnon apd baftaid Love -, 'tis the vindiatioii of that, whidi is 
true and generous. ■■■■■■■ 

Vin. Nay, if you coq'd ever doubt her love, you deftrve to 
doubt oni for there is no-punifliioent grieat enough for jcalou- 
lic, but.jca!oufie. ' . 

Val. You may remember, I told you before my flight, I had 
quarreli'd with the defimcr c^my MiAr^fe^ hut thought I had 
kill'd my Bival. 

yiti. ' But pray ^ve me now the Anfwn, which the fuddcn- 
nefs at .your flight dcny*d me > how cou'd Cltrimtnt ' hope to 
fubdub her heart, by theafTault of her [ibncxu^ 

Vat.'Pifh, it might be the Stratagem of a- RivaT, to matte 
mcdefift. 

^tn:'FW fhame, tf'*twerenot-rathcrto vindicate ber» riian 
fatisiie you, I wou*d not tell you, how like a Ptmlofe the has 
behav*d her in your abfence. ■ - ' .^ 

Vtd. Let me, know. 

Vhi: Then kftow^ At Hext day you Went, flie put her Icif 
into mourning, ani - ■^ ' 

rtf/.^That might Bt for C/enwOTf.thinkinghimdewIj acall 
the World beiides thought. 

^fc..^.SHIl turning -ftie Daggers point oii your fcif, hear me 
out"; -f %' flit put hcrfcff in jo Mourning for you — locked hitr 
felf in her Chamber, this Month for you ■■— " ^fliutoot her 
barking Relations for yon '— has not (een the.Sun or the Face 
pfMan, fincclhefawyoa K .'. - thinks, arid talks of notHiog 
' ' ■ . ■ but 



but yai— — feD& to tnc daily to bear of yoti— and in Ihon 

CI tluDk) is mad for you—' all this I cap fiirear, for I am 

to bet fo Dcai'a Ndghbour, and fo inquifitive a Friend foe 

SirvMt.tt tbem. 

Str. Mx< Ran^f Six, is coming up. 

Hh. What bnngibiianow? lucomestotye withme. 

ral. Who, Rsi^i 

yhh Yes, pray retiic a little, till I ibid blmofT, unlefi yoa 
have a mind te have youi arrival pubti&'d fo monow, in the 
Cofiec-Houtcs. 

Xm. What, not yet a-bed> your Man is laying you toflce|k 
(ValoitincrMmi Mfj&t dmhtti»d, 
with U^ebaugh or Brandy, is he not fo ? i 

Vith Wliat punk will not be ttouUed with you to iii|^ 
tberefine I am, isitnotfo? 

Xjjt. I have been tura'd out of dcois indeed pit now, by a 
Woman, but fuch a WcKiian, Vinctnt — >— 

ViiC Yes, yes, your Womm ate always fudi Women—— 

Rin. ANcighbourof yours,and rmrurcthelinellywilian. 

Vin, Prithee do not afpcilc my Neighbourhood with your 
Acquaintance^ 'twould bring a Sandal upon ^ Alley. > 

Ran. Nay i do not Imow bcr, thciefcHre I cotne to you. 

Vm. ^Twas do wonder ihfr. turo'd you out oiiooif then ; and 
if (he had known you, 'twould have been a wqndei (he had V^ 
you ftay i but where docs flie live I 

J6n; Five Doors off m the ti^ hud. 

Pi».' Pifli, pifll- • 

Rstt, What's the matter ? 

Vm. —Docs file live there, doywfiy? . 

Am. Yes, lobfetr'ddwmcxat^l/, that my account from 
you, might be as exaft i do you know who lives there ? 

Vtn. Yes, fo wdl, tlut I know you are miftaken. 

Rmw. I* (be not a young Lady fcarcec^hteen, of eztiaoidi- 
nary Beauty, her ftaiore next to low, and In Mourning > 

FmK Whati>tlus> (BehinJ. 

Vin. She is i but if you law her, you broke in at Window. 

iU». 1 chas'd her home from thcPark*, indeed, takii^ her (ot 
another Lady who pti fomc daim co my heart, 'till Ihc fhnv'd 
a better ittk to't. 



3?3 LmiMM Wonts Or, 

Vh. H>h,hih,hah. 
fW. Was Ok at Puk then? trAhxnl* newRin]> 

' Fin. From the Pvk did you follow her, do you fay, } knnr 
you wac niiftakcn. • 

Ran. I tell you I am not. 

Tm. If you are ftirc,,!! wisthatHoafat it nightbcperfups 
her Woman llokn to tlie Park, unknown tp ha Lady* 

Rm. My Acquaintance does uliulty begin viA the Mud 
fifft, but now 'twas with ihc Mitbds, I affon yoo. 

yin. The Miltrcfi.' I tell you, (he has not beta cat ei ha 
doors Once F'tffciUifK's Sights QieH bb II1iAIe&^tilegtcatHei^ 
c& Ckri^na. , 

Kam. I tell you then again I fbllow*d that Ckrifiin*, &om 
Ac Park home, where I talk'd widi het hadf an bomr, md in- 
tend to fee her to Morrow again. 

VaI. Wodd (bo talk withhtm too? ' {Bilamd. 

Vm. It cannot be 

'Ran. Cbri^mm^ doyoucaUhec? Faith I aov Iboy Ae is an 
Hrirefii left it fhoukt Imng the Scandal t^'wti^sdk, and delign 
«f Licre Upon my Lore. 

f^m. No, noj ho Face uid Virtues wlK free yeu hem that 
ccnfiirc) but'bowevar, *ti» not iuity done tolUval your Friend 
fydntme ih M» abCtact \ and when tie is prdeat, you know 
^«wili bedangnous, by my Lord eUerimtrn's Exanpts i hUh 
ifyou have iecn her, I wcxild not adnfeyouto attempt itagain. 

Ran. YoHmay betnerry^ Sk, youare ROtin Lbve» your 
adrice I come not for, noc will I for your aiTiftance » good 
Night. 

Fal. Here's your Tettelsftt the Woman tbat (Sk. Kangct^ 
:lnd notfien the Sun, nocE^oFMan, Cnca tny departure > 
fori: Iccms (be goes out in the night, vhen- tbeSonisab&nt, 
and faces arenot di(Hi%id(h'd. 

Ww. Why; do you believe Mm ^ • 

ral~ Shou'd I bdiere yoa f 

Fm. Twere'iporc for your intacft, andyou wou'dbctds 
decriv'd i if you bcliejrc litffl> you muft doubt the Qiaftity of 
»I1 the fine Women in Town> and five miles' about; 
' yal. His reports of ilicmj wiH linle invafiditc hitteffimoqr 
with me. > , * 

y»i. 



St. J^pMsV/WAr S79. 

ffm, Iklpam wt the InnQCPtt w Bifai tod AptonsCrO fe- 

cuityou)heh»iracleUtbeftjfoaKgtofi raift^ concerning. 

let us go ilerp. ' ' 

Fsi. 1 wittife^hiMiT yw»> tocwft I cmnoc myqi it my felf i 
Hiager, KeimKt, fcfltef' art fnmy fW> 



ACT m. SCENE L, 
Crofebite'f Houji' 

E«(fr M-i. JoyiKT, JMr/. Cro&bitfr 
.jFyir: ^Qwl Morrow G«aip. : 

VJI ^W* Good Sbnow i but why up fe e^dy* 
gpodGoflip^ 
. Joyn. My <Mt knd paffiomtt conenm for yoi^ aad yovts* 
vroaM «ot letiMMft On mlyj 

C»y^ Fcaibfitnd-iniiw^ . ' ' 

J»y>u YoitiEK>w,iKhw«fci»mMiic another Imgvl dwifc 
it M (boe nine jdJ thirty YmM te« you vkn aaEVffedb 

Cnf. N&KiftdThiEty YfwspU^MiMsf rafa4v«yoQto 
k«ow, I M no facbDra ChiU k ml ifthcRqiflaJi«dm>c 
fapBDliamM in the Ul gwM fuik «lMi but ny .P«oc muds oa 
R^Oa&rc: MneaadThuivXeift oU> fatdyw? 

Jtyn. I &id you had been fbiong Murried i huCimkcd, 700- 
faoar yem ycin js wtflas Of Ok ^'JP<(jyrr>^if«jb 

Cray: Kinc and TMrty, tUJ^Mai 

Jiya. Thii ft.il 9 • WoBiaii^ Bd^v^yii b>fL Mther ytn 
(hould find her faulty with a Man, I wananj^ yoM*.- ttu dUcoWF' 
hvAge, IwmmitiHiUi - 1 : . /' 

Cnf, Mrananl liitfaeganteftitaetfav.i^.fUilcrfafr 
ff Rich, *Qd.a Wenan flic ts o|d i- you will get -no Money of 
hion,. n« Kiodne&pf her .* To \A\ ocj wmMiwvid Tbjitya 
(Lfoy no mow) *twu Unnpgbbouriy dono ofyoq, M^refi. 



'Jejn^ 



^So LfveimaWatd^ Ofy 

fm. Mf Metnorr coafeifti ny Age, k fanos, « mudi a 
in; riotv W' ' thought — 

Crtf, Pny talk, noc think no niDFe any Odd Age; buc&y, 
whit twought you hidm ib eaily i 

yapi: How doet my fweet €bd-dati^«cc ? IVmm Wictdi 

Cnf Welt, Tery wdL 

3^#)r». Ah Tweet Cicxtme; alis, alas^ lam fbnyforher. 

Cnf. Why, what has Qie done to 6eum your Scnxow, oi 

ny RepfcfaeafioQ f . . 

Lucy eemet to tbt door, 

Zjtej^ Whatf ate tttcy t^lkiagt^mc? {BthimL 

Jtjn. In Ihort (he was feeh going into the Mectlng-houle of 
Ac Wicked, otheiwife call'd a Cliy-hoiile> band in fund, widi 
iSofA Tile fellow Daf pern/ft. 

Cra/. ttlt.DMfftnviti let nie tell you^ if *twae not 6x 
Mafler Vantntit^ we might ha«c lJv*d all this Vacation up- 
on Giecn-Cheefe> Tripe, aiid Ox-cheskV if be Had it, we 
ftoukl not witit it i but poM Qemlemxni it bfeen goes haid 
with him, for he's a Wit. 

Jtjn- So then, you art (h« Doe to h/t fed, wKile die Houfe 
b&okenup-, I fay beware, tht-twcet bitsyM^ifwiUow, will/ 
nuke your' Daughter's Belly fwcll* Mtflvc&snuidfeiitcr all your 
JbnkAd^ dine Will b* i>buwfer>iMo«kJci Mit)«e& 

Cnf. Savt^ Maftct Vif^iimiitBUDmi itiinnerdfiNlan? 

3^«^-HchaWi(; yoki^ and wtm ar^'WJtt? butcoi- 
temncfsof-litatrads, ScdocerSiOi'Debmcks iif ttunicd Wo-^ 
ttwn, and DtifloURfs of htlplefeiTli^ity, ;epen. in the Sartor 
ttpon th^ mry'Bilks^ AftotUciv^of diidnghtMagifiracy, and. 
Breakcfsof Windows in inrotiJi- : ' ' i y> 

Cruf. Buthitsa.littk Witi'ii sudefl WitfiaBdihcydow 
rtlchoutragk»»thingsas^^llr;gt«^cWicsIo^ £ --.■ ' • 

Jofn. Hiji ldare%, he wiUnot fay h'u&ftlf he is a little 
wit, irynailkJwnl' ■ I i.>* .-j vi!;. ,'; ., . 

lucjf. Nay I cannot hear this with R^ticncc t vith yooc 
('JJfJe.i' PaidAni Mottmi ^m ni- buk^ trdSakcn as Oiy 
God-mother Ifi Mr. Ditfpii^i i for he is as greata Wit as any- 
and in what he fpcaksOF wA^^happyis any ', I cut aifiirc you, 
he ccKitci&ns all your tearirtg Wits, iri cotitpatilbnof himfel£ 

Jcytt, Mas, poor young Wrctchj I cannot blame thee (b 
ffluc^ as diy Mocber> for thou art not thy felf > his be 

witching 



St. Jdmt&'j-Ptrk' , 381 

vr!tcluiig M«iiwsUs have dianii'd dux into fomc Heatbcmfli 
Imp wkh a hard name. 

Lme/. Nymph,' you mean, Ood-roMher. 
Jofn. But youGoffip, know what's what > Yeflcidayj a$ 
1 told you, a fine Old Aldcnnan of the Cicy> ftebg youi 
Daughtn in fo ill tnndsas DMftrmit\ was zalonfly, aiM in 
pure Chirity,; bent upon her Kcdcmption ; andhas fent ineto 
tell yoUi he will Uke het into his caie, and iclkve your necct 
fitics, ifyouihtnkgood. 

Crof. WiUhcTcUcveallourneceffitics? 
J<yn^ AIL 

Cnf. Mine, as well my Daudita's? 
. Jay». Yes. 

Craf. Well ^ his heart-, d'ye heat E)auehter, }An.Jmf 
er has (atisfy'd me deatly i 'Dafpcnvit isz^ FeUow, and hi 
fhort, you muft put an end to that fcandaloui &m31arity be- 
tween you. 

iMcy, Leave fweet Mr. Dappmi/'tt — Oh fiirioui ii^;ratitiide ! 
wasnotbctheMan that gave me my fiift Fanendon Gown,p(K 
me<«it of WoiAed Stockings, and f^un Haiidke(chie&, tau^ 
me to dre&t tilk and move well ? 

Crof. He has taught you talk indflcd i but, I]afwi&, I will 
not haye my pleafure difputed, 

yojin. Nay, indeed you aie too tait with her, poor fwcct 
Soul. 

Luejf. He taught mc to Kebearfe too, wou*d have bn»ight 
me into the Play-houfe, where I might have had as good 
luck as others; I might have had good Cloaths, Plate, Jcweb, 
and things fo well about mc ; that my Neighbours, the little 
Gentlemens Wives,- of Fifteen HiAidicd, or Two Thoufand 
Pounds a year, {hould have letir'd into the Country, fickwith 
envy, of my Piofpeiity and Grealnefs. ... 

jcyn. If you follow yqur Mother's Coun&l, yoa arelibe ttf 

enjoy all you talk of {doner ) thmhy Dappeniiit*% aflTiAancei 

a poor Wretch tjiat goes on tick for the Paper he writes his 

Lamfoens on; -apd the very Ale and Coffee that infpiies him 

as they fay. 

' Crof. 1 am credibly informed lo, indeed. Madam Jmer.- 

I Jtyn. Well, I havedifcharg'dmy Confcience} goodMor- 

' row to you both. 

' . . Enter 



^^8i tavkin»^4>0di Or, 

finffrDippfXwit, Rwgtt) CxD^H^^DMti^kitm'. 

l>£f. This is the CaUnet in which 1 hide my Jmt\, a fimn 
Hou{c, in an obfcuic, littk, lAircd ftract (00. 

Km. Vulgarly m Alky* 

P«^ Ni7, 1 hide tny t/iyksA *itb « mudi Ctr^ as a 
^pult oflheTowndo'sbisMmKy&BnifailOliii^ aftetagood 
httndctfPby; and nothing but y^flou'dfutei^nxlght open 
roc for a figttf of her, ki ac periQL 

Kan, My obligation to you is great j do not feSffl it by de* 
lays, oE the favour joa pronu&d. 

Ddf, But do not cenTute my Honour, for if you had Dot 

ixcn ii) a dcfporate conditkw" — fcnr u one na5 muft 

ixat dit another, one foyfoo expel another, (Hie Are dnw out 
another, one tk of dritildng cure the ficknefi of mother i lb 
the Surfot you took bft Night of Cbriftmit feyts. finHbfe 
awed by Zive^'i this Momii^, or as -^ 

Ran, Niy, I bar more Similitudes. 

D»f. What, in my Miftieffis Lodging^ dtttwCRasiiari 
ai to bar a young Par&n in the Palptt, the Af A of liaPtmAtTt 
i^ngattbeCharchof Keww; or as hard to put yoii to Bed 
to i^^> and defend you toucbbg her» or aB.-.. ■ ■ ■— 

Xi*f. Or as bard as to makcyou boldyoat Toogiie— -I 
(ball not fee your Miftrels, I Gie ^ 

D0f. Mi& iM^^ Mi& X«cr— . 

\¥iMci.t at thedtcTi tni rehmul 
thcDevUtabe nte, if good Men fl Ciy twinore) have not 
been upon their Itaocstome, to fee her, and you at laft muft 
obtain ir. 

Ran. I do not believe you. 

D4f. 'TlHiidi as ibc, (fat ii beautiful, wlthootaSedatioh; 
amorous wiAout unpertincncy i dry, and brisk without im- 
pudcuce j frotic^ without nidcneb; and ia a word, l3x juOcft 
Creature faa^thitw to her affignation. 

Rmi. YoupraUeher, as ifyouhadaf^indtopAt Mridiher ; 
and yet you rdolve, I fee, to keep her Co your Idf. 

Daf. Keep ber, poor Creature^ (he cannot leave me ; and 
lathertban leave her, I wou'd leave writbigLanipotms OK Son- 
nets alnfoft. 

Rmi Well, ru lean you with her Aem 



St. }aaaei'$-Par^. 3S9 

Daf. ^V}lat, willyougowitboutftcinglia^ 
Ran. Rather than flaymthootfccing hor. 
Viif. Yei} fcs, yonChall &ehcr'> but letntcperilh ifllnve 
not been oficred a Hundred Guinies for z fight ot bei ; by-—— 
l^y no inoK. 

Ran. \ uRdnftand you now ; if the iinrour be to be purchi* 
fed, then 1*U bid all I havcabout me for't. (Afi^, 

D»f- Fye,fyc, Mr. Ranger, you arc p)ea&nt'i(atth i doyoU 
thinki wouid feU ihcBgbtof my Rarity ? hkc thofe Gentle- 
men t^ hang oat Flags at Cbariw-Criifi, or like—* 
Ran. Nay> then I'm goneagam. 
ZM». What, you tske it ill I reMe your Moocy? tatha than 
that fliou^d be> give us it ; but take notice 1 will bcnrawiti 
bow I think ctt'Cj C/Kj wants r Oowoi and Ibmc Knubs. 
JtM-Here. 

Di^. ButlmttftparitTm^n; IwiQnotcakeb, nakls 
you eiigage your honour, ! OiiIl.|>ay it you again. 

Rom, You muft pardon me i I wiS not eagage my hooout 
for iuch a trifle ; gofetdiherottt. 

Daf. WeU, Qk's anviiliBogCmtun, fiicfa Eyes and LipL 
Mr. R«i4^r. 
JIM. Pntheego. 

Vaf. Such Neck and Bieafts, Mr. Ranger. 
Rm. A^ain, prithee go. 
J>ap. Stxh Feet, L<^, and Ht^hs, Mr. iiM^ 
Rait, fiithtc tet me fte 'em. 
' Dof. And a Mouth no Ingger tfian a Ring i I necd-Ciy. no 
nunc. 
Ran, Wou'd thou wet*t never to fpeak again. 
Dap4 And then fo neat, lb {weet a Crcatuie in Bed, dun 
tomyknowlcdgc, (he do*i not change her Sheets in half a year. 
Aifk I' thank you for Aatallar to my impatience. 
Daf. VB&Lmj^ MifiLitfy, Mils. {Kmelp^ at tit doer. 
Rim. Will (he not open? 

D£f. I am aftaid, my ptety MKs is not ftiningi and theifr 
fore will not adndt us. 

Dtp, Fycj fyc, a quibble next your ftomadi hi a Morning; 
what if Ok fliouM imr us, woiiM you lofc a Miftiefi for a qu^- 
Ue! that's tunc than I cou'd do, tetmcpcrifli. 

R0I. 



^$4 ttwi'ntWofid.i Or, 

Am. Is {be hot »>nc hn walk to £«n^f-CoDdiut >- 
Dttf, She if within, I heat ha. ^ . ■ . 

RtA. Bat (he will not heat you i flie's as dea^ as if you 
were a Dun or a ConfhUr. , 

Dm^. Pi(h, give her but leave to gape, lubherEfcs, and 
put on her day Pinrier ; the long patch under the left Eye i' 
awaken the Rofes on her Cheeks, with fooic ^>aniQi Wooll, 
and warrant her breath rtith fome Lemmon Peel i the doors 
flic off of the hindges, arid Ok into ihy Anns i (he knows 
AnebastDuch Anitfce to kcepaviftory^ as to gab it ; and 
'ds a (^ flic values the fonqueft of my horti ■ . 

IE jn. t thoaght hec Be»ity had not ftood in qecd (if Art. 
. D0f. Beauty^ a Coward,' ftiU with out the help oT Art, and 
may iUvc the fortuneof a CoDcpieft, bat cannot keep it s Beauty 
and Art can no more be aiiinder, than Love and Honour. 
Rmh. Or to fpeak more like your fdf. Wit and Judgmedt.' 
Vtpt Don't you hear the ddbt Wag yet i 
RMm. Not a whit. 

DajK Mifi, Mi^ 'tis your flare thit calls i come, all && 
Tricking fix lum i lend me yoiu Comb, Mr. Rfigtr. 

Rm. Ho, I am to be preferred to day, you arc to (et m6 
offi you are in Poflfeffion i Iwillnot lend you Armstokecp 

meout- ■* 

Dsf. APbx, don*tletnMbeungratciul; ifOiehtSfiiuigg'd 
her (cjf up Sx me, let me Ihuae) and Fbuilee my Peniqiie a 
linlc for her ; there's ne'er a yoting fellow lii the Town but 
will do as much for ameer ftruiger in the Play-hon& 

Ran. A Wits W% has the privilcdgc of being uncomb'd ia 
the Very Play-houfc, or in the preGmcc— — ■ - 

Da^. But not in the ptcfencc of his Mifhels i 'lis agrcatci 
neglei^ofher thanhimfelf ^ pray lend tnc your Comb* 

Ran. I wou'd not hive men of Wit, and Courage, make 
vie of evry Fopi mean Arts, to keep, or gaina Miftrc& 

DapTZat don't you fee every day, though a Man have iftvcr 
fo much Wit and Courage, his Miftrds wiU revolt to thofe 
Fops that wear, and .Comb Pcruqucs well i I'JI break off th* 
Bargain, and will not.receivc you, my Partner. 
Ra^. SlieTeforcyourcelamicttinguplbrtey.letfl' 

(Comkt bit Ttrk^m 

Papi 



Dof. Shc'tomfej'ffie coibesi'pnyiydat Gwnfc.' -^ 

iCrt/: BareiiiJTJ'WhiitateTroii offering us RjfaW? ■•-' ■ 
' Dap. A Pox, it's (he? hoc take yourConlbigaiirdKn. 

{Rth&nttbtCmh. 
Cr(./.WoiMifedenas?%SlikeyOTy'&ds,: '' ' 
'- E)3«i'Sell^ttt«!-;'ivhm(htHi'a W'tmdaChapiwrff? gopri- 
'tfiee'Molb«'V«nofitmyDe»Trtifli.*;. ■ -' - »• 

■ Crty:"1ft>fit>'Mfft t»e/i'l"*do''n6fW3iidcr yon have the 
-CeofrtetSra «)*JtgaWrOT us btMndour bacfe^'fiKce Jod bavc 

tlit!.^pilderict! ro cblm a ptop^ty in ds tb mjf fdtre. 
■■' J61W' Ho'<(ftdift,' V/ffptftpjr;' ' '- "" - " ■> '- 

CW^. CoiDC, ccxnc, this Gentleman will not.think the woric 
'^4<W6mai»i^fof'myAcquairttan«^M>kh tier ; W'rfaff'fen me 

Iwing your E)aughter to the Lurt witha ^hiocy'Orahge,' from 

on*fiifc*fih8'pfe)PAiwr<'*o*fc«heif:^- ■ ' " ■;:'•■' 

CrW^ I wou'dhavethcGemlntaWi, and ybd to.kn6*i my 
■Sfl^hflf itfia^V 6PR^potatK»,"ilii3iigh fhe has '!ifeen''irTn jq 
'V(^#Co*ntifl(}'^ butfenbvTBfwfiHfe^ofhci paftdth^er; Th^t 
'■*te Ntefol¥'<l»nW« mp(c to Vfeiturt'ftcr Ktche^ ip fhff'Wclt, 

Daf. How's that Wjdow ? I .wonder at your confidence. ' 
.' 'tfof. iWdHaeif"a't-y6urt)kfefrtiftSdt^, that *Witfcy6tl Have 
had fo tiequciv fcpilfn, y^u 4bt%'^ pifiroki^-itTiiilBir, and 
Mng your Friend here tb witl^ftf our'dif^itt.'.' '\\ 
"■ Dttp: milryimWiaDwalhiU- - - ' ' V ' ■ 

Crof What, have you Mortgaged my Diughtef to that 
Gemlctnani and now wou'd offer nib 'a fni^ fdjoyri.in the 
(canity. ■' ■■-• '- ^ ' 

' Dap.^&fht^Vmi rtie talk of i'ba^iinv'-'twaj unlucky. 
. , "■■*•- ■■ ■■'-•{ Jftd/: 

your WrithVgfoiindeiuppnaMiflakc: Mifr-£HAr Her fcif 
Aa»^*«^iIftl^■'eH^hbr■bljtpn^■ ■ ■■ ■ ;■ <' : 

Crof. Sheftulhrtt, -ihc vrttHiOf tt>rtie toyou, /• ■ 

2)«;>; Tilll'hdn it- from brti-ftATT mouth, -I cannot Believe 

It. ■ .- .; :■.:..■- * 

■ ao/IYCTJfljiUhfathetfift.throiighthe-dobr.' ■ ' 

£)«^ laaUddbbttti unleftfhefty it tomy-ftPrt' ■■ *. 

■ Cf^'i Shiill-webdttonbled^itHyoiQiitfmwtlti^F' '' > 



^86 Love ntaWaadi Or, 

Craf'OiaK oatj Child. 

(tuqr CMUn« dfimhirkaJ) t» titm. 

J}af. YoMrSemot, Hiaau£^M% tanyoutoc? i ul^ 

c»y; LctmfKkher* 

P«;. Noimukher. 

Rjn. rilthlowupCia^Vt J1kwWfWi)9kh» 

X»4;* Can you h9w ^ hoKt li9 fiiv, you vnU nciR OMM - 
break a Cheele-CJilcfl wM) "K* «t New Sp^iqfc^Hoiaili the 
Nc3^bou(e Of C^f'y^ nfvcrmoicft in pjjUrt'Neir 
Playi iKramoKtpnwafvUof |hnottQ(pv^«wig(ii vkI 
Uaofall, iicvamoM|)«|i»myw/UiiCTfiQcm«^IM«EilRi 
in dK Gtcen-Ganet ^ m-^— w*4q nor (pfg/t th^ OtBCOi 
Gamt. 

Luey. ] wifli I M vam (kn tbe 0MqM3«Mi ; Oimi 
the Onm-0«nt. 

i>«^ DaoM the Gieeq-Ganc, yw avfl««iyl|^ alkr'J* 

Lmtj. T» fou nc alicH. 

D0f^ YouhavcRfis*aCp/ysMuIUny-QNnidR«ff«M^ 
houles. for rbe Ciccn<SuRt i and a, litde feoMCbiu m the 
Gieca-Ganc^ picaf *d yoM mow thaq the M 7^ m ocbcr 
naoes ctn*d yield i indoa yoaofa ttddcn^te Omar 
Ganct? 

Ijtiy. Sim you ban a dc$gii to pawn mcb* die Rcd^ 
'tis tjtne to icmove m; CSpoda. 

i)«^ Thou an cxtieanily iDJAakcn, 

ZjKy. BeOdcs, I have bcivd fwh finnge tlungs of yoa ias 



Ds^ What things f 

iMcy. I blufh to rpeak 'cm. 

Daf, I luKnv nij lonoGOKCf tbcK&iictal^ my dfiiy ast 
&TOUC » .ivhat have 1 done ? 

i.«c^ Then bnow, tBq VlTit, ray Mothec baa confc&'dyifi 
now, thou wa't &Ue tb me, to ha too certain kaoffidnliei 
and haft 6ncM erdrba tobc £iUe to me tQA 

i>««k Faults Jn drink, Jmj% wheq wr 9(« not qnr i^rc^ 
iboa*daot sondemn us. 

Iney* And now to kt me out to bite IUbq H|duqr t itdl 
you my own dfV Mother IhaUba^iin lot mc nQmwt tbere 
aieulinlcasIcanbargiiafixthcinlclvc$iapW9-dity^ lawdl 
as pfopcrer Women. C^ 



' <i>^ xhUtenng an this while ihinitorilbiiiantaliiii, 

jitf. simt tut. Up. 

. ' Jj^-ttUffki Ibr mei, you (uve Kckop'd fflthout joik 

Dip. I.lHIR Mtith then, (D mat Mh yoo. 
, Cnf. Ticit me noTicMtngii but take a wod foe all; yoa 
AiH kib tnbit (Uhbooif mf Uuighta, tidi molefl mf Lbdg* 
Ing^ asyouhavedomatanhoaii 
' jdufk DayoakftAlltbdNiige'elll, then, toBriJtml, OC 
Zo^tpHKiailig-tMlL . 

O^, No, toadaEKHocle, to) then raifU faelocbD, I 
pt^RxmCi as nbt to trouble i& - 

' Main Heit, Wai Touhare my Coinb ;^un, DtpprnvH. 

t>f. K Pat, I think Women take Mxnfiancy fiom m^ 
tntib dvifiom any Miii bRtthjngi 

Cnf. Van, Sr, fbrgtt me, liefoie yon wnte your nexc , 

tamimt (Bx. cuA 

$>r SilhHIl AJdleplot n >e«IW/; af < Cbri. 

3tf Ran^ Md Dappetwit. 

■^SlrSim, ItiTellbmKlyoilf haKl(b<inilroi« inyoiuliy- 

vnflcs. Faith ml Troth f lamalnwAoutofhreathinfoUcw- 

hgioi; Gemkoen when they get into an Mley, mlklb 

tA, iBir they had mote eamefttn&efi thae^ thmintlx! 

llnMl'invetSi 

Dtf»: How oiiKthbS&thiAal! FflVtune faasfaithimto 
taftmychokt. (.APi*- 

ToaiUlpiieMRalal, who aie yon f that date inlnde thus oil 
t^ iStrika himt 

Sil' «!•! Bot« J* know ine Diffini* f fiiie you iTOw 
ne; (Sijtfy. 

Arti WBt thou ffilKoltar me iWi thy Acfmititina no » 
thn Mcallt, ioliildit, Pen and Inkinan, 

(SirHuiimifM. 
• Sfrfsia. Oh, (Jlliirej youlnoi»me, jWykoowiitt 

,i>M. Brttcfiwcyiamiliaiily, ihalliWdbeaMaikcr Ai - 
Temfc-Coun, aBaiheioiaSlanthneikOofiic. 

Strfi>i.Oh! ohi ■, 
Oti t>V 



-388 Lofftht a WiW^iOr, 

.. i><^,iWbiita(tthou? .■ . :: (Kith him. 

Sir Sim. Nay, I muft not difcovct my ftlf.,tp RMBgir, fm 
I Kick or two * oh, pray hold, Sir^. lg[~fbitiTfou nSlJpiow 
inc. .. w :!■ .^ (■fHUmtT:' iM ttltfter. 

Dsp. How. Sir.Sfttm; ,. ...:d -/ii ^" . ; ........i- 

.^5fr Siift, Mum, inom, make no excufcs, Min, f wou'd 
not Ratvir {boa^d hwc ^wvn rae.6x,£yit..lainiitdm-'i^^ 
KWb. ■ ,■< ■-: -i .. ,^ -.,voi ■■■ .-.-i 

Pf^ .y^ diTguifc i^,fo iTatcnal, I.fi|ot)((U, it JwU OK^ 

(W. ' .,■.:- ■.-,:,;; ,.■.'■-• i: ■ ., ,,,, 

SirSimilkaov/lhata pikhn makf>tf)0[|naires,:1 £qis, 00 
Ccierhcnybetweenthecandl, Mani .r<SB| thc,Let(a.,\..<''. 
Dff.Whitt yoa haycpot cppen'd it? 1 . ,,- ■- ' .1'^ 
Sir Sim, Piithce don't be angry, th^Sfa1isaIittIcQac;IC<i< 
for l-QDu'd not help kifTin&Mrs- Mart.bs'fi,_Laaf,i dw jfn^ 
is, now.or never, ht,! Fatncx fhe finds will bcxificaA a^ddi 
day, and fhe Icuigs to fee your hiuf^ ^_^^fmm AiJltfi^: 
Faith 'tis a pritty ycH, j - WhiJc I aai .witniia>' ami pniGng'my 
fellfoher, at no ordinary latc ^ let th'ce'andl ^oqiv.tt^ 

InfrigUC. .- ..-, '. . „■ ■ ',.■ ,.,-;;" ^ 

Daf. Tell hei,.l,tyill,not iait to EQffther, at the {dac^ 
and time,- have a care .<>£ your chargc-i V)d4l9Dag^,)QW,bu> 
iincSlikcyour felt, for yourfelfc ; , -r , . . > ^^^ii,.-,. 

Sir Sim. 1 wamnt you. . ,j.., ,, - ... : 

, ,2?j«i^ The gaining Gr^^sDau^Uct, }v£S UD^^fiipp^it 
the loS ofihis young Jilt here. ' ' ... (umi 

, J!«., What fcllow.'s that.?- .. ■.- .^-;. , -. ^ ". ■ .„.,;» 
\ Dap. A Servant to a Friend of mine. .■,,,. •■ 

£4». M«thitiks be ^(»Dcthing rc^Ufs.pnr Acquui^ftnir, 
$ii.S(flws, but it is no complement to' tell him Co i'fcHc'thU 
Knight.is the molt ^egiausCoxcbmb, that crct,^;)^^ with 
Ladies Fan. 

Sir Sim. Soi thanks to,iny,di%iu^.>Ilitiow-iBy>E|icniic^ 

.■.y .'■.:'■' ' '(J^. 

Smi. The moft incomgiblc A6, beyond the reproof of a 
KickingHival, or.a frowning MiftieOi^ but if It bepoffiblc^ 
thou doll ufe hlni worfc than his Mill'ieB, or Rifal can j" tlwu 
doft makefuchaCulfey ofhim.. -...,. 

SirSim. Do's hcihink fo too ? ■:" ^ . (^^ 

.'•'<-'■ "*i' ^*t' 
D, I...;;, Cookie 



St JamesV-Af^.^ 389 

*■ ' ■ - (E«5tt-Slmoa 
a Pox, you woa'dTpat all, juft in the cHtka) time (^-^oje^ion, 
he l»bi£^ me hdrc a ^invnons frtim his Miftrefs, to' meet ha 
in the Evening > will you come to my^ Wedding ? -' 

Rati. DoA't rpealt fo loud,- foi^l br^1( pooi^XMc^'s heart * 
poOEcieatair; fliecaTlTlot leave ]Wi~v and lathcr tNiml^vehcT, 
you fhouMIeWennAng'ttf LampoonS) oiStMitKtt' — ~^7A- 
moft. ■ ■ ■ ' ■ ■■■■■■ ■■■■'. -^^ T. . 

' Dkpi Cone, lettwr go, nngrateBil baggage; butn^you 
t^bt Sonnen, tfatff no living Wir,-ff ha Ion h^'not colt ' 
me two thou&nd Couplets at leafi." ' ' ■ ■'' ' ■• ' ■ • 

' Rm. 8utWhatwattdyou'g!venow,foranew^Rf^ragainn. 

Women, ready made ; 'twou'd be as convenient to buy ^tyrs ^ 

agunft Women,' ttady nwde, tiS it is to bay Cicvats ready ty'd. 

. Z>4^. Or « i ^ i ■ - ■* ' ;: ■■■ ■ ■ - ■•'■ 

Ran. HaY,come away, come away, Mr. oras-— :— ^Exfiffff:'' 

r fe«#f^*. JAytiet, Gripe. ' 'S - - 
Gr^j. Peace, Plenty, and^mime be wfthiifiWftft Walls. '■ 
jh>]ni.' *TisaAha)l Heu{e7t)bree;'and nlKH^'P^riiturc, for 
tm GalUnts are'ifufiln^^ to cOmclikticr'-V (bd mIght-haVc had cie 
now, ugood Lo4g}ngsi>as aify^Town ihtiA^eelaai Hang-^ 
ings gieat Glalles, Cabinets, OAtoi^einbroidAM BelJs, Perjia 
Carf)etS|<3(^<plBt^ and the'fi% il ftewoa^dha'^c put her ftif 
for ward ybat your Wor(hip UBi^pplcafe, to makff-'tm rcmave 
toa^boe BcnriedeiM OfK^iafyoiii/Worfliip's quality i for this 
Is'aUtdefcandalttiS'iti'tndy.' ' ' < 

Gn^; No>' ab, I like k tiwU enough, t am not dainty j 
befides priv;;}Cy^ privacy, Mtsl J^jntr^^ I lQv« {^^va^yy in op. 
pofitioD tb die -Wwieed, who*atem.;i . *; .■:■. ' 

Jgyn: What do you look for. Sir? ' ^Loakt ahimt. ' 

■ Gripe. W^ luve.Eare'; hulbkicMea, I Ibolc for a private 
phcc to retire ti^ liniinie of need V oh hciie's'OM'vbnvniicnt. 

■ >(X''nii-9fa'Hanpiii,^'and'iiifcbvtrt ibtiptmier- ■ ! 

'f.' i.'.'...frtv$/mroflbeFaptiIy. 

jejM. Bat you fee poqr innocent Souls, to what ufc They pbt 
it, nott6Mdp^lIants '■ ' ' 

GM^.'TempeMnccBthcNuricofChafUtyi.^ vi 
Jojtn. But your Worfhip msylpleafe toaiBKl'>'tbeir[£ve-, 
::.-.' -:-,- Ccj".- .'■;.■ . and 



3(0 tne la a Wtai, Ot^ 

^unyoufei, they do tbonielvcs. 

Gn^. No, lainDK'dainty> asltoM joos libomiiKie- 
EoKioiwM^isi noEiiieraiiiwiKE, [af, Ma 7<yMr. 

Jv- No. f4jar. 

Grjpi. Tttenanfae no EnMtahMMSt to mf, mofcl4iici< 
ow and Ssvomy, than the odfawHmiQii with tbu litllr GcndP' 
wotnani wiH you caU ha out } IfiA'tiUlfeell^ 

Jiifm, But muuly youi Woifluj)^ we a)Ou*<l have bioiwllt z 
Bollle o> laif) of Kheoilh, and (oine Ni|<w.Biilin, tolhlK 
EnteitainM thf youug Gcntkmxnani *tti the inodefinLO' 
«Cfs toTjcaf thcit Milheflea. 

Gn^ Mod«,I tell ysa, Mis.7>imr, IhateMnfanl 
Forme. 

79«. You moA fend fee (bmethingtoEnlenaia hetariih, 

Grife* Again Enteit^inbg i we udU he (c> each oifaa a 
Feat 

3f!7». I Dull be aflnmU loBuly yow Woilliip i bcBla, 
the youDg GcstkwoaHo will deipjfcyoiL 

Gript, IQiattaoQttntbcrj I wanaDlyta^-ktKlttoneh 

jF>lia. I an fine you will m <onteume, if yoavSliqt 
omxaiiheii 'ti»a9iiii|«iiiUefci« MuIdImg, andhtani- 
fcr, astoloveandbewiie; aatbcylay* (4^ 

(fnift. While you talli of Tnaii, yoB fiaiH ov Eyai I 
Img to re» the fiiiOee > fetch hei bilhK 

^>. I am afham'd Ike feuu'd M ■( li>abuianablc * L)^ 
ai> Ihavelbptias'd youtoher, andafaoiBiH. yoarVWsils, 
youi Liloality; vUchltiis pmttVatm, tlatinofina- 
cuies Youth, Beauty, CoanuK, Wii, nt any thiiiib 

Orife. Fiih, PVb, 'tis the VenK of fixts, imp Boat ^ 
lisveit* ■ " 

3F9» AndwillioiitWarfUf Haachlheiii imdher — 

Gi^. Why wou'dyeatdlhaanf tUggofmej yeutncitr 
lanaiMdaftMan, batoome, Jf you win hitx meat eztri- 
vauntasthewickci, lake that and fetch ua a IVtat, asjou' 

Jejn. CJpon tny Life a (jioat, what will : ihkfMduir ? 
Gri^. TwoBlaclL-Fotsof Ale, andaCalie^atthejGdlar: 
Cona^ theWriHtbasAiftnicltin'L 

Jfjih Well, lammiftaken, ant my hopes aicabus'd, I 



never faie«an]riiiui lb rtoitiiy*d I Mfir, thathe mmlcl dcnr 
his Lndidj^inydliiig} I muftbentawitfa thee then another 
WBjr» (GMtoMt. (4^. 

Gr^ Tbdc uCcfid old Women in mote cxotbitant, and 
craving in dieir detinst thra die roungoiiesb ^teini thefe 
PtoJOffit iawhlatVwuftafyaU *cm bothi and dnt's the 
leaibn when die Squiie^aimc under my dutches, I nuke *em 
pay foctbdrfoBy^nfae, ind'&butConfcience: Oh hoe 
oMmei dtt ^One Bt hft. 

Amt Joplier haJiKg m Lucjr, »ht hnigr Mai/ard 
-\ * sifKmtn, 
tmj* Ob iJoiL theM*s a Mao» God-mothtf ! 

%;*.'Goii»iii, Child, duuaitfebilUfiil • 

Xmft h^ Mother is from home too, Iducnot. 
JrfH. If Ok w«Kbcfr,flie'd teach yoa better nnumin;. 
IJkj* Tm afraid Ote'd be ai^ty. 
Jtytt. Tofec you fo madi an Afit oome along, I fay. 
Cnipf. Naj, ^pcaJttohctgcndjr* ifyouwon't, IwiU. 
. Zjw;'.- Thank you. Sir. 

Gn^. Pretty imooeiir, dmeis, Iicc> one left of ha Age; 
what hap favrelJ fmyt, IttdcQaukwomao, come fit down 
byiDb 

Imy, ImbetterfaRd, I hope, Sir. 
Or^ You mtift fie dowa by me. 
iMcy, rdntbaftand, ifyoupkaTe. 
Cr^. To|)lealeme, youmoftft, Swecte& 
Ijieft NocbcfoiemipGod-niodicr, iiiic. , 
Cr^, Woodcnnentoflonooaice.' 
Jtjn. Apoor balhlut Oirl, Siti rinfony Ok is eot better 
tai^ht. 
Grift, tarn glad (be is not taught* I'll teach her imftlfl 
LiKy, Am yoaa Dandt^maaer then, Sir I but irlOuBld 
beduB, and not move ai yoa «au*d fasTC, you wou*d twc 
beat m^ Sir, I hope j^ 

Grift. Beat dKc, Honey-Sodde i flli^Uxedni, anddiuf 
Hodduisi Ah, Mis. ?«yMr> prithee go fetch our Tieat now. 

Ter"' A Tieat of t Groit, I will not wag. 
Grift. Why don*t you go I here, take me^ mooey, and 
fetch what you win ; take ncichalfaC^ownk 



ytpnV<nutwinha(i:Gnmndof ; ■<■■■■- 

Grift; Taffe-aCnwnrrhm,' aiiAnget,aPiett;begonlE.- 

yofifJ \ Treat Dnlf'mfltiot teirem/ rurn, 1 muft bi^ tbe 

poor Vito^hthefcfonfc toys. - • -' ' '■■' •. ■•- 

Gri^. Whit toys? whtt ? fpeafe^jiuclily. w-- . ' '■- <■- 
Jojn. Ptndents NeckMhicaij ipant,;-R^>cmd5, E^oyf»t%l»- 

ccs, Stockiiifes, Glowes.*-' '-i ■ >.■-•'. '.i 

Grift. Hold, bokl,-befi>rc.itcan)cs'M'a'^Gawn. . < 

Joyit. Welliemembi'd) Sir, indccd'QK:wantfa Gowh, iiK 

(he hasbin Tliat,onetahcr.bu:)c; tbcyour own takc^ou-fiuuld 

give her a new Gown, for sarietv «f Dreflcs, routes dcliic, 

and make) an bid Mittr^&m every diyanevrohe.' ' .. -i.' 
Grift. For that ibaibh fhs ihall haye'nojicw^ Qown*,'-fot I 

am naturally conlUn^ andaslara IbUake'iame,'! loveAc 

(lu>uM be lUlt the ^lUvWhae lake Jttkia-fikceioi tbe otter 

thingS4 ':' i i-; .' 

7o^ Half apiece-*-^ .;«;'' .;.y - 

Grijif . < Ftitbee b^ gofie, take t'otha Piece then ; ntofiects, 

threePicces, Bve; hcre^'cisall Ihave... ; , ■ . ■ 
Jo/n. I<nulthive tbc'&oai-SealliingtDOiorlliinot. 
Grt^ ■ laratiable WoBnn; will 'you hwte.tbat too.' 

Prrthcc fparc me that, 'twas my Gran^ather's. 

Jojfn. That's falfc, hc-ibadneiki Coati-fonow l6o;dlis 

isbut a violent iit and will -not hojd. . . (AfiJt. 

Lucy. Oh, whither da-yqu go, GQd;nlQthcr^ wUt .you 

leave mc alone ^.' <<' ,'.; . ■ . ,, ■. 

Joyn. The Gentlctoat^ngH not hun you» you ipji^ veotltre 
■ your felf with him alone. ■ . !" . • ■': 

£«>. I think I rmy,: God-mother i what^wUi CE».Joyn. 

You lock me in^ Sit ? don't lock me in. Sir. (Fumhl^. at 
'■■'I ■ ■■ ■'ikidcar', ieck/$t,-f— 

'■ <Srije. Tisapritatelcflbn, Imufl-fwchyou, fair> : .; 
Luey, I doii'tfec yoor.'Fiddie, Sir,,.,whMe isyourlitt^jKitti* 
Grife^ rilftewic thee prefcntly, Swcettft i , 
Ni.'ccftjty, Mo'tlierbf Inveation \ (Gripe j5(((i^ « Qbnir 4^4imfi 
Come-iwy Bcarcrtj l kTi^t hr.in hu .Airmu; . {li^.daQr* 

■' Luip What do you mean, Sir? dont't hurtrne. Sir, will 
you - Oh, t^vyou willJiill sazJ Murder, Mur^«,' Qb, oh- 
**'?, bdpoh-*-': :-■' . ■■.,.;*',, iCryi.m. 

■'.'■■. ' ' /. ^.. 'lie 



__ St. Jamc^if-P^rt - ^^ .. 

tCrtf. Whstf, M»ider my Daughlf r, ViUain ?.;[,,.? , 

iUvy. I wtQ) he had rourda'd me, oh, oh - 

Cnf. What htfthe dqne,?;:- - •., V 

Liuy, -Whj wou'd you^ Off ^nd leave. me doae? upibr- 
ttinueWoiTian tb^cl atn. . ' .-; , - 

Grifs. How nowj what will this jnd in ? .. % -.(JfiJt, 
* Cr^ Who broiight biip jni * '-, 

.iMtf. Tha^Witdi, diatTic2cheioBsfaI[e Woman, my Gq^- 
mothcT, who i^s beuayM mc, (old tnc to bis lult > oh, oh— , 
Cnf. Have you ravilh'd mv Daughter then, ypu old CSoat^' 
nvilh'd my Dui^ter, taviQi'd n>y Daughter, fpcah, villiua.^' 
Giffftf. |ty-yea,apd by nay, no fLuh matter. '.,. ■ 
Crof, A canting Rogue too \ take makfi^ Landlord, be ■■ 
has zavilbM my Daughter, you fee her all in tears aiid (Kftra- 
-^ioo j /^ je^ there cbe wicked ^n^e of the.61ty Execution ;.. 
■„ - (pointing- to tkt Chofr.-- 
J'lKw^'icaltup the Neighbours, and the Conftabl^ 
Falfe.Villain, thou (halt dye for'i. 

Grift. Hold, hold i nay I am caught. .. •; < iAJide,' 
Craf, Go, go, ,nuke haftc.'"- . - , ■ ■ ,, ■' 

jM^y. OU, oh — — r . • 

,, Cnf, Ppot Wretdi; go quickly. 
Gfife. Hold, hold i thou young Spawn of the old Serpent;, 
MVickcd^ aS'l thought thee Innocent \ wilt thouTay I wou'd 
have lavifti'd thee ? ■,•,■.. -,. *,. - 

• i«j',;J.>vi|l fwcaryou.<fi(JwvUh' me., -, ..",'.. ,. ■ . 

Grip. I thought la, Tteac^tpws Sff, 'tfKnl'am'gonr, I 
muftfliiftaswidlaslpn. ...,;....'. 

.-Liuy. -Ohjcb ■■■-•',' 

■ Crey:,W.ill,noocoryouc^luptbeNfi£^ut5, and the Au- 
thority.o(.the.AUey? ., , . _..']': 

Gtife. Hijd^ 111 give you'Twenty Mark aiiicaig you, to let' 

, Cn>/: -ViUaIn, nothing (halt bijy thy Life. „ 

LMti. But ilay, Mrs. Crofdiie'^ let me talk with you. 
. £*7. Oh, oh— r-: - ' ■ ■ 

. I^iL Cotne, Siij I am your Friend ; in a word, 1 have ap- 
peas*dber, and Die Qall be contented with a little futn. 

.^_ ... Gripi. 



Gr;^ WhU kit ^ whMkit^ 

LinJ. BucfmhtmilMlpMMb. 

Grife. hutSertbacAni fcmki bugmitfiftt, faai^aie 
ntha; 

Lditd. You «fll lay Xhm been yoarF^tciML 

Pmib TlieConaaUA^and Ndghooutt ue i Wtt^iig. 

Grift. How, bow > wUIyounottahcibubcUidr pikf dfe 
Conldcitce in" rout ways. • (iOtaf// nGrofifahe. 

- Crvy: iroomywrMoocy; I win net Mt» a tboufiod. * 
Onfts My Bnirmln arf Many, and 1 flikU k i Steodal to 

theFtfthfiil, stLaughing-ftaektothewkkcdt (t^Ju 
Go, prepare your Eogioes fo> my Paric^dOA.; 
tapteyoa the bcA fecurity I catb 

4!m/ The inArtunnits an dntfing lu tfit other Room. 
Ifyon jdeafe to go thither. 

Cnj. Indeed, now I conftdcrsiPbition wIlldoaiyDit:^ 
tet more good, than his death i that vi^u'd but ptiSilib hit 

fhame t Money vtVH cover ft, pretstim t0, as ihry (a; Let 

nie tdl you, Sir, 'tis x dtaiiraUc thing t» gjft a yieurtg AMd • 
Ponkn. (tMM Entmit* 

Enter Lydia, wji l4<fy FlippMt^ 
I^y. *Tis as batd for a Woman to conpeal hetlriAg^riiMi 

6Qm her Af oAateLom,u to concc^ har Love fiKkd ha ^dM 

tannu' 
TUf. OralinoAaiharduit{f,fotthepWElii£fflOiiniioir 

adays, to ctmceal the favours of oUwne Ladiei. 

- ^/ If Rji^(rflioa*dc(UKUFs(l uwhitnrjuftnowhltfai 
fbcet) the dtfixwery of my An^ to iiim now, wgmM be as 
tiKan, as die difborery of my Lore w hliti befote. 

fX^ Though I did lb man a thing, asfOlAttiFdkW.'I 
wbt^dnordofomean athlng, astocoiifefi % ttrt^nhr, by 
my trouble to part with him * ifIconfeftLaK,HOKMMMte- 
fore they left me. 

Lyd. So you wou'd de(me to be left, before yoa MMt 
but cou'd you ever do £> lUcaii a things at tO cbttfeH Lor tft 
any?. . ■ . 

Fi>jp. Yes; but I nerct did lb tiuaa a tldi^ ^ mSy (a 
Love any? ':, . I 

/ ■ ~ ,-- tji. 



ijJL Yob M once a HwdoDdi 

]&. Fyci Kitdun, JojKuihinknK&at-bfed} as to love 
aBusM. 
' It^ YouMawidowsbcm, bc&KTOQweieaWicbw 

F/ifb I flwuM ndirr iqtlce in nilwntiiie of ay Honoar, 
mdi • Gilhn^ foca Oown, a new Coicht • Ncch*lBce» thm 
^ d«piDyIkiteid9cfaE^fixdiem,'aifitinhbhp; IdmiU 
bBaflMn*4tobccn^mliidiapofliiir, widi a Bdibrnd) » 
iftfatUciv^-b^SpKkofdKToinH vfouMbe, tobecu^ 
en Im Knees ai FtatyciSt unkfi K> his NGAnfik 

Tttbm, Hangar, D^pcrwit. . 
3^ Mt^RM^ir, ^wasow^tiglfcloncofyoii: 
Rsih Indeed, Coofin, I had kept my ftoaiCt «4tb you^ 
hft luahc, but dw OemkniaD kncms ■-— -• 
'' l/fjL YoQ nifiahe net faut yen QiaU not kflbn aiy favour 
you do to me > yott ate goiog to excnfcyoui not coniiBg to mc 
l^ft ofebl, . when I take it as a pinkiAu' oU^adoi^ diat tboogb 
yioa Amnied nc with a Vffit, uffon wnlicUiaikiM you wete 
£idv3, isnoccotnidiknie. 

Aif. lUs isuiariiKky Klotning i|lih mc tfaneVn^ tta* 
nil pct&atloo, the ^^dow Fliffsm. {4^. 

F1^.Vias}iir,pitfftrmfl 

Rm, lodnd^ Cbnlai, beiidcs my bn&Bfi> aootfaer cao&, 

! dU not wak on yoD, was my appc h e i tfnn, you west gpoe 

aoifae Pashi aotwaUtanding yoar pomift to the cootiary. 

L^JL Thncfcic, yon wenC to ifae Paik» to VIEt OM theK. 

noCwiAftanding yoarpKniile to the coamry. 

tbm. Whoi, I at the Par^ when 1 had pioiid^d to vnt^ 

apoa yonat yeoc Lpdgii^v ftt ncic yon at ihePaik, Madaou 

Zjr^ . Who, I at the l>aik ? when I had fmmis'd tow«t 

Ibi you at home; I wasnomoaeat the Pack thm you wne; 

wete you ai te Padi ? 

JU*. The Path hadheoi a dUmaldcfitt to ox, notwltht- 
fiandktg alibc good Com|myn't>tfi had wanCidyouB. 

LjJ. BtcauCe it hu been the cooftwc mdaivour d Mean, 
to keep Women ignorant, ^f thidt w fit » but 'tis 
dutenocaies our in^HUitiTene&r and makea ui know them 
ignorant^ fatfe , he is as bnpudent a diffiablsi as ihs Vf idow 
FliffMt, nhoisniikingberimponunateaddicflb,itivain,for 
«BguIlec : I.; i^^ FKppant 



39<5 LtveJm tWctd i OTy 

^ipftiat Jrivti^Vifpecmt from oK^'tf the 
tbtSt^tt UVthtr. 1- - . 

flif. Dear, Vix.DMffenviti mcidful \Ai. Dgf^envk. 
. Dtf/rVUnmncifuI IJidy i^I^gMW. ■ 

^flif. Willyoubcfatisficd? 

Bm.'Wfii'tyoube'titiifnd?' '■''-'■ 

rUf. ThtM^WitAouM^be iealoos! thata Wit Omildbe 
jnlous^'thtmlsiMmrabfnlfycMingiEllowinTheTowtijthcK^ ^ 
neWlt^'Hsavtii knows'i bm^i^inkt too wcltof himfelt^ co 
duakiltdf<hi$Wifc, or iVfiAnAs nowihat > Wit (bou'd leflcn 
lus .opinion of hiaMT, Ibrlbsme^ ' (.AfidetoOip^wa, 

T>*f. I prqmisU to bring joatM^ bit 1 tHid it enough to 

fluft for my.fetfl- - « .. (JDjd^/v d^ #0 R»i0cr. 

. ifJ^-Whatj.'oatpfWeath* Madam^ 

Hip. I havcbceB<lcfnKlia^oaicnire,lliU<lani; I have best 
Um'^tt'of theSHt > 1 doib mundilc thdepntiag, ocnCmaus 
fcllo\w,';t[leycatt Wits, whm Lmcej withthem. 
. J>0f. 'Hcr^yaiipindEediifftheotilythiilgih.Pcrty-<oats,- 
ldr«tid, t csns^wdl foDme^^bereiwasOjnipaBy'iDtflc Roomi 
fetldareno more venture my feU'w^hct!alone,thanaCul- 
IqriharWs^faMiikt^j^bgKsmitiirehinafiMf ina Tavern, m<di 
ao-jaktHook. ^ ■>, ..... 

Flip. I am the icrtiigrr of qui Snc, «airaiD)y. . 

Daf: AndcheUbft^ii^MablfeORc, temrKnew, M^ami 
lcla>einT-ftaR(ly«iMFncyJ9fga^ IAi.Rmi^;, J wiUgo.bc- 
fbic, atid>iDafci:tii«vaff»wctoeQt withyoin Friends thatex" 
peft.yoa. ^SiMatyStAitSmKb-^Aaak^: *d»Jk bugncft fiiS 
waitonLovc. ■■—.;.: 1 1'-^'.--. '■■■:■■ '■-■ ■ 

i Rar. Dofe— i-butiiofiHlxhbkon'i,.Si 7%«flMJ goes out 
df Town timAftcinoofi^ aad 1 ftilU not ice him hae again diefe 
dirce'Mcn'thsj r 

, :^XjR£'M«yvi-'prayt3keiitindiK)di you, fiii^ ... 

Flip, No, Sir, you (hall not take the GentkiDan from his 
Miftvofin t^nottie^te) iwcci Wi-'DApftttfi:.) . (Afide. 

±jd. '^SAeJAai. witK-youi .-Strt I fapptilc his buSncfs may. 
ht ttietc, to^bon^ytM wkunidnQy, andl cii^t mx to.br his 
hind'ianccii^rrVhiiaihchasuioiK, helias.he dcrpetttt:de» 
%t5iiponltbatltttIe.lhavc;,iM WatUQf.aioaqr* nukesosde-. 
■»oittli)¥ets.«.Ohi(i(ii«ns. : ■ • '■.■;•■• 



. ;r5t. JztfK^j^dr^. 397 

Dt^. IhffpCi jMam, b^pffoi ;ou no lefi IJNUriCf, dnn 
.blsUbertr.,. / ;.; ., ,. , /.' ;:.,,* 

; ' I^J. i^Lxbaty, as ap9Di.p^n.totake))p;Jt4aicyon, u 
honquii ,i^i5..Jibcthc.dcrp<^teB^i>k JKDUtsqftbjai^v'Who 
'if tbcv' ca^^gcr^PropIcs JFortuiKS uito.tht^it hands^ (afcpot 
thou^ ttiey fpend them in Goal, all tticlr ]v^.' i; :r, 

rjif, ^a^ the poor ciedjting, ladies, when Shif inve parted 
"-with theiitiion^y, ^uli be^ontcHtedwiihfj^tifi^^WJIiorukqi^ 
( or ftarve foK all thjin^ - i f:„ -^ : ■ 

J{<m. Bui Widows arccoiT)inOfil7ib,vn(ei.aj,|f> fa* fii^tbtlt 
men are folvable before they null 'em. 
*t - ,*Jtf^fc*Ai*ftft^wiiiWaBft'.'-<ift^fc»»'4lcMa>iip «4ffiiMfHli*iio 1110^ 
pray ao not take it ill, Oentlmun ; Quacks in riidr Bills, and 
Poets In f^e T-ftlcS'of i})elc^Phys, do 'not nibi&li%point us, 
then Gal^ts with their promifes ; but I irud none. 

Dap. Nay, (he's *. very-Jew ui :that rar^ei^ ; to tny know- 
ledge, Ihcc'll know ^ *Hm> ovd'sjra cftct ^in, "belbre {he 
trull hitn. 

- Rtfa^.V^ftiUtny (Jeareft'CcuGavgcwd inp«o(f.nHhcn I ftay 
from you, fo long again't^anicatetQpMrpofe, 'and beextrcam- 
iv MffY' 'i-k^ nothing an tpaiic inc amendsfijt ll^tdrsofVour 

Coippapyy ba^ your ieprel)cnlion,^f niyabteucc Vl')l take uich 
jiChi(Iii}gi aj^Jqadlyas/ivj^D VVivcsdoBeating.. -,-, 

^..■•i'^i^.y'^ w:eie my Hu^aodj. I cw|d not tafte your ab^ 

fence more kindljiithan l<iQ< n;;.' ■ j; : . -Uvi'-' ■: 

- Am. Apdif-yqu-ii¥re^y,l(i*ift, I sroM'^ttitftytti asntVch. 
|OUt f^imM^^ir^ Vm'^ *!*few- "tf flpiHk»:;Qt!.JWB Vir- 
tue. . Sain-,.^.. . ^._;; r.,:-, ■. 

Flif*-^ ^-wel^tred Ocntf^^an, Pwarrant;] wjlj.yciugoiliel!, 
aiiel Mr, Dapfenvit f , '(£xt ^^gfi Mi/ Dappctwit* 

JjfL Jtove.t-.not difleqi|Iefl iffdl, l^^^ , :, iAp^rU 

Leo.- But, Madam, t^ wbal^pHffx^i wr^df you^oot, (Ktf 
him to his tiyal, and fe^^^Mt hc>caD/3y fgi h<i^f«lf i' ,. „ .. 
- X^/ Ii^jtraid lelVijrvy-.ptpb^aijl hi&jgixU.ih9u'd make 
him delpmte, ai>l(b,.con^iitn,thUpaidonr which hflcou'd 
.not hope for... ■ ■. ■ •;• :■,..',■■, r^ i . ' 

': L<o.-.'Tis.uninft tocondemt>'him, bcfo^yifu hear loo). 
. Lyd. i »ril].r£pneve,i|i[i}ti)iLhavcm(»a<yideiiC(. : 1 

left How willypug?! it?«^ . ."'-s^ 

D„.....Googfe'"' 



398 Leiiii»4Wiod% Oil 

tji. twffl write UmtLettct in CfrijfJiM^inAnit^defifog 
to meet Um; wheal fh^ fixn di&over, tflus love n her bte 
afaVK^AtwllM, dnnfincelaftnl^v indtfh benot, I 
«HB notkmger ttuft Mm 1^ the nnUr, tothli^ flic nre him 
AtoecriBoi^ lofoBowherlKMKfttmtbePirit; Ibvratatoiice 
dt&bu&himurfmyfelf. o 

Lit. Whtt cttc die jetlow take fai mtUog (sxx of fib,' 
whidi Acy; but {■ ima^nHioni, catmot ondago. 

Ljd. Misfortuns aic Icaft diodfiil, when moft near. « 
fnileAtotiiMlffBOtbe 81, thuifttr. 



ACT IV. SCENE t 

GripeV jETof;/^. 

&Mr iW/. JoyncT, WOrfpe w 4 iJW (7flMii;' 
«)b/ Night CMf. 
'• ^fn^XKT^^ not weU. ytnr Worflilp^ tldi tt li, yqi^ 
VV winbchyingoutyoutleinieyondyoaiftiafldH 
.yoDhavetakeoaSmfcitoftheGttkGcmlcwoniii, [ find; ki^ 
deed, 70a (hou*d not havf been lb inunodenee in your cnAo- 
CCS Tooi Wotfhip bibmeddnsifi yctn, in tralr' 

Grift. &xek^perfi£oasWc)auii,whMBSilntthauhatI' 
aitthoanotafirddtobeii^dlllKiiiInfoiiiKr) flocetlxmlkdl 
made roe pay diee for bctnybg me ? 

Jtyw. Betfaf ypnrWofibp, wbatdoyoomeanManliifiw* 
neri I dbom yotu woHs. 

Grift. Womaivl fiy agaiit, dwu art as Tieadttrais as am 
MbmMr, an! nun uamTonabk ; f» be lets us have fixnc 
thing for our money, before be dlAinb as. 

JhjH, Your Money, Vm fore, was laid out fiMtloUri and 
I went away becaufe I wosM notdUlorb yoa. 

Grift. I bad not gnidg'd you the Money I gave yoo, bat dw 
five htmdredpoonds ; ihcHve hundred pouiKS, InconfcimaUe 
filfe Womin^ the five hLhdml.poaads* yoadleaCedi tqp^ 
paa*d, tot^d;^ of^ five hundred pouods. 

_ ,. Couple JV^ 



St. JaiMsViV^ 999 

Jtjn. 1 cfacat you, 1 lob you i well, Knenlicx whit you 

lay, yon fhall mfwa it bcbit Mr. VtMtC^itt and Iho bcS 

Qrifi. atinicudatWami>,.r|Xifc&filyl . ■ 

Jtin. IwillnDc4iak<bifly,ib>imKnM<:UI(>iit,«will 
M b«|e ^'4i is dw your ictwn, sbnyoa bn> ondraies 
m<m to TOW filth; Uti? ' 

Grifh Speak Ibftly, my SiAcT,Danghta andSeiTantwttbav. 

Jeff I vaii ban wtmcOis, ntikc notice, thai you Uali 
my good name, whidiwaias wMtcMaTidips aiid« iwcec 
H tne bead ttf yOHt Ganc ^ hefon you Wfooght nelbthe OBJ' 
iqSO»tll^w»kt)f yeittBdUycanialfaUiigi, ' 

Oiifi. Softly, ibrdy, ihcy in onfagia. 
iimr FlipiaMaa^MiiliaL: 

FAIL Wte't dKmmn, IuiIki' 

<^ Nadiif«,M>iliiiiA Slfla, odythc OoAfWomn 
k laQaiimoa fit dt Zcal,aglinft diMaonBoastan^^rtffiOBioC 
the <y i n gp, T» lb Bat loK tolieit yaotay nf(<»4, pny 
trami. 

Jtjiu Vni flay. Madam, thuyoumay hnow 1 1 i i 

<iMA liaUkbMk boa ate £fe Gidnaysibt Ahl 
Fiai lay nothbig. {.AfUk. tt Joynet. 

Site,|inylngpw, Ibyi wni'lpaipeyifiK 
Yousowni«|ftililkia,toiaiuKniae? CfiM.Fl^ipantMJ 



7«ya. Wou*d yoa pn^adioa youroam Seal to mong my 
KpMcintiulyf {SUSamt It »np. 

Grift* VfifiaM llwiaexcule;lndtBd, I thought, yon lud 
a ftaac (f thefm hndiad pouodfl, becanlc you took away my 
Sal Rin^ which they made mc fold, togedwc with a Hole 
l» l«y CablHtrei far hTC handlad poiBda ; hcGda, I thought 
none, butyou, Jmewlt was my wonted token to&nd ffit 
Mswyb|. 

Jna. Tis unlucky ]aiou*d&agetit,aad leave ft on the Ta> 
ble>butohdieBail<ny! didihelBhelhunietf illhan>'twas 
no woadctyw did not flay till I came back. 

O^ 1 O^'d ffi the Uomy idias'd nuk 

J9» iianlheyibtMKXylhen?fiRhuadial|>oiaids.' 

Gr^n Tooccitain. 

Jifm Theytoldmenat awoidef it, andhayvyounoway 
V> lOdm it i . Orift. 



4t$o Lotei^-dWMdi Or^ 

.Gri/ia'Notany.; 

k there no Law butagainftSaints ? 

Grip*. IwilVtiot^feiAvcJKBidKdtKHitiBs,; piibliQ) myCranT- 
grcffion.Jnyi'iclfj.left I ftiQiyd' be thought fo'g^ry in^t, though, 
i auftmnM^ *twou'<i tctnpt^^Man taiiconfomi > to (^ublid 
praybg and finning ; fincc 'tis To chargeable tb pray, uidSn 
Ai.giTWa-;Bv-)L ./. ;-'. '■ -■,.-.^./- 

- ' Ji^ fi* aae yoa lefblfiM to g!v« off, • a 1^ > 

Gf^ jyowibaQ Iholplt ? - -' . 
. <3^i>iJ^^ H'rt* yM Onillhwe, wbot'the yt^mg Jade ba^ 
fot your Mo^ey;^i'U'llial01t•lh'frfc'foI^e<(Mfitiebtt {Mnffevcr i 
take a man's Moneyifi^iHOthine:;^ .' -'-^ . J^^ 

Grift. Thou.&r!ff4ietKlHr^?iridiedv inid OialllhaTe nty 
pennywoichs outoTthe'li^fleiitlbfrcmflm^ite^agt^ > ■ 

taketHt'^akfaiturcon.tnedlii''.;-' J '^ -<^' '=) ' 
^firi^i!^ viio,- l%iicbcr.tske ytnit #tiFd,!iMrs, 7^)nkA' ' 
^n. Go in and dnls your lelf Smug, and Icarc ito d^'fo 

Gripe. NKMantbradut^ttttotii^QH^jilQKt; asOnAjTs. 

. >.[ :L .;.'■ \ ■ .&■■ ■ (Ejcami^ 

EiMir ^irSiipoi) A4(9tpIot;/r(i%i<^»vi)eJit mitiitg- 

. SmSthi. 'Tis a Lord's Mottg^, and therefore requites 
ihe oiowhaft »' pray d(r.not jog iiiciMadam; '•-^ ^'^ 

i7iip.'Oitlt.EareaL ' (A/^ 

Sir Sim* They.caimot ft9f¥or Mon«f,'4B btb^-Fo(^ ; if 
you will obt'lctoic inatei attend' on^'H^^bolliairettay E^piAi^ 
tion-Fe(B ■■.'.' 7 ■ < : ,?.■!,.-■■'■ ■•'• • ■ -i\> '■- - '■■• 

Eaf.. ;rhaie are fome OlMu'wift^d have uifhtiifttiod iMlie^ 
fprcthis. y. :■' . -v^ ;a7 ■ .t .- . : .(^bU 

■ Sir Sim.-NiYi p'ay be quiet, Madam; if you fqocftKiiM 
felo the W»H, I cannot Wrkc.'-- 

Flifi. *Tis mudi foe the^iOBbur of the Oelicten^ of th'u 
Agej that we Peribns of Qaality are fotc'd td delbtiid to the 
importuning of a Clak, a Butler, Onchltil^, [or '.Ribt- 
man; while the Rogues are as dull of apftfstxnlion tt)0) »s an 
unflcdgM Country Squire, amongfl his Mothers Maids. " 

- (A^dei ■■ijtgt'bim^aim 

SifJii0t 



, St. JaniesV-P-n-jt 401 

!. SirSmi Again, Let me tell you Madam, Cimiliattty bleeds 
Contempt ; youll newt leave, till you have made me lawc/. 
FUf. I wou'd I cou'd fee that. 

. Sir Sha. I *oW and fwear then, get ybii gOUe ■■, or Hi add 

a bUck [atch, or two to thofc on ytiur kux. 

i fioll hdve no daic to get Mis. iiartba out, foi her. 

' ■ ' ■ ■ , ,. UjUu 

Flif. Willyoa, Sii, wiUyou^ 0ogthfm <^am'. 

Sir Sim. I mufi have a plot foi hc^, die is a coy Woman. 

. ^ ■ <-^M. 

I vowtndftnarifyoupafi tUsCi?n<e> IH bilsy(Ju in plaid 



Flip. I wou'd 1 cda'd lee that, do you dcfic mc' 

(Sttfsttbbn. CmhffislH^. 

Sir Sim. Hott*s thil > I vow and fw»ar, (h£ t^es as Unxly 
as Mis. Tukli^, and ^th hei mouth open too. kM^' 

■• Fiif. I thought yod «oa'd hav:^ been afliam'd, to nave 
doie fb to yoWjM^'e own SUtei^ ' 

Sir Sim. F hope you'il be quiet now. Madam? 

Flip. Nay, rubc-ievflrig'dofyoalarei . .,.'..> 
,. Sir Sim. If you come ^^ IQall'de mofe to lyoa than 
duti lllpuifiiemyPIot, and try if Oiebehoncft. (jifije. 

Flip. YoudomoiieCome thair tHat-^'Bay^ iTy^u^domoK 
tomethaDthat— ^i :.•,<.. j ■ -' 

iShethnaiisifiimhisUki4Kdrkiutmy Btfiiowsber* 
' I - 'Atfo-Jdyner.-. ■ ; -■ - 
' yitp^ I muftviiit my young Ctients in the mean tiroci 

.. "StrSOipn return! betJi^ ftp bit baaJt. 

^ofn. What's the mittcTjShfSwws? 

Sir Sim. Lord, who wou'd have thougfit it? 

Jtjpi. Whit ail you, Sii5i»!Ka?. . ^ . ^ 

Sir Sim. l.blvc made fwK a dtfittvtiy. Mis. JojmfC 

Jtya. Whatisft^. , . ; . 

Sir Sim. Such aacne, that maka mc at cnice glad and 
forty i Jamlo^my'Iiuly Ki^ywtf isoouf^i batrmglidl 
know it * thanks fiil.tbmy dii^;iiii& 

Jiya. Fye, fye, , . ., ^ . . 

Sir Sim* liay, ^ iMod can tcU— -!?^ . 

Dd '' jvtk 

D„....,Cou3lc 



401 Lou hi sWto^t C>r, 

jFtfjm. Bur bow ! 
. SirSm. Sbc threw down my Ink gU^ and ran sway {iitt> 
the nest -Rootn ; I follow'd har» »nd m iQvei^, threw her 
downuponthe Bed i but to (hott, all that Icod'ddotQher, 
would not mike her (qiMCk. 

Jopt. .She was out of breath Min> flic was out of Brc«tb. 

Sir Sm. Ahj Mrs. Jojtur^ fay no more, £17 no taatt of 
that. 

£ttfer Flif^Dt. . 

flip. You ludc, unmanneily Rafcal. 

JoyH' .You fife (he coDafdain» now. 

Sir Sim. I know why, Mrs. Joyafr, I know why. (Afarti 

Flip, ril have you ti«n^d out otjthe Ijoulb, you ate not Jit 
lor my Btothei's Soricrk 

Sir 50ft Not for yourt, you mean, )tfid2(n. C4fi'^- 

FUp^ ni go and acquaint niy Brother im^- 

Jtyt. Behold, Uuho^fiKaliiioi. feloodt 'tis SuSiwM 
'AdJkflott yourLovcr, whoWttlKn'thisdi^paifeoDpupolb 
tobenearyoii, aDd:iD«atch, andiupplaRth»B.iviL 

Flip. Whata BcaftwasljlGMi'dnot^fcom-it, you have 
oodonepaet why wou';dr!yi]ujiotieU.iK.lix»KtbfH? 

, . jFi)^ I dipi^heInd:b«adifcaiMl9lr<nQn^ 

Flip. I proteft 1 knew him noti forIaH^c^i&£tD yclD> 
myey^oieiioncofriieWk, fincelbveutM'thelifiiRW wafii 
CHf Mercury water; what wiU he think d* me? 

'JefH, Let mc alone wtd) faim \ cotmj oooic, did yoa thbfc 
you cou'd di%iUe your TeK &ttra my L^r's knowledge * Ibe 
blew you, Man, or die you hid nc'n bad thc^e libeitict ; alls, 
poor Lidy, (he cannot -pdiA yoa 

Flip. *Tis my weaktiefi. 

Sir 5tMs Boif^s tb^Muthsrecerattmy Mafta. 
JEirter Gripe mU Martha. 

Grifi* OonK,Mi».^fMt,aieyQaRa^.t»go> 
■ J>^ I m qw rsaly when youc Wprflip cotrnnaads. 

Flip. Brother, if you goto t*«thn(cndof die Tows, you'll 
let me down near tli Play-hoaie. 

Grift. The Vixf^aam-, d& you tMnk 1 wiU be ^ war 
the Play-hoiile. 



fl^. You Hull fit me down in Lineph-hm'FUTds thm, foe 
I have eameft bofiocfi there ••, (When I ctxne home i^iin, 
ill Inigh at you foandly, Sii 5mwir.; (Afort. 

Sir Sim, Has fepitr bctiay'd me then ? 'tis tisK to loek co 
i*y hlt^ {jifide, 

Grife. AfWti&i, be fine yoaftay within now* tfyougoout, 
you (mU nera omik into my doois ag^in. 

Mmf. No, I will not Sir ; 111 iK*a come into yMs dons 
agaiiii if once I fhoa'A go out. 

Grife. Tis wdl laid, GiiL fEx. Gripe, Joyner, FUp, 

Sir Sim, 'Twas ptcttUy iaid, I undcrftand you, they are 
ckin and haveno intngue in 'cm* but dear, fwcct Mrs. M«r- 
thgf *tii time we were gone, you Iutc ftole away youi Scai^ 
and Hood &om your Kwd, I hope. 

Atfrf^ Nay* I am ready, but — — 

Sir Sim. Coiife, dome, ^Simm jiJJlefht, poaOmtle* 
man, is an impatient man to my knowledge. 

Mm. Wdl my venbite is g^eat, I'm fute, for • Man 1 
know noCi but ptay, Tomr, do not deoire me > is befo fine 
a Gentleman, as you uy he is'^ 

Sir Sim. Pilh, pi(fa,he bthe— ^GcntlciDanofdKToWn, 
fidth and troth. 

M^. BntmayltlkcyeuiWDttl, Jmar^ 

Sir Sim. "Tk Mt my Word, 'tis the Wojdtjf ^ ^ 
Town. -^ .) -■- . 

AOrrf. Excufe me, ^enw^ for that V 1 nevei heard any ^cak 
well of him, but Mr. "Dtpferwity and you. 

SirSim. ThatSbftaok heh^befenaRivaltoaHMctirUwl 
a Gallfnt to dl Ladles > Rtvab, and deTertcd Mttbeffis; nera 
fpattwcUofaMBo. 

hUrt. Has he brai Q> ^neral in bb Atnouis, hs kinidnefi 
knottobevBlaMthoi^ 

Sir Sim. The taxxt by yMi, becanfi: 'ftfor yoa tut dderts 
dlriietdl, £0^1 and troth. • 

Mgrt. Tou plead better foe hhn, than he con*d iec' Urn* 
i^f, IbdieTc> for indefed they %, he bno better than an 
Idcot. 

Sir Sim. Then believe me Mftdan, forno body knows Um 
bettet than 1 \ be hu-as much Wt« Coio^, and as good a 
Heen to die fiiU, H 1 have i he an Idcot; 

D d a Sir Sim. 



404 I-^e in a Wood; OrJ 

MiTt. The comtnan Gull {b perffncuoos a F(^ dn^ 
Women find him out, fiai noncof 'em will many him. 

Sa^ Sim. You miy fee now, how he and you arc ^JUsM ; 
kx that he is not Married, is a ligo of his Wit > and for 
being pcTfpicuouSf 'tis falfe, he is as myflerious as a new 
Pailiament Man, oi young Stues-Man, newly taken from a 
Cotlee-houlr, or Tcnni5.Couit. 

Mart. But it is a (ign ofbis Wit bccaufehe is not Man!- 
ed? 

Sir Sim, Yes, yes. your VVomcQ of the Town ravilb your 
Fops;, 
JTheie's not one about the Town unmamcd, that has an/ 

Mart. It may be then he has fpent bis £(late< 

Sir Sim. How unluckily giic&'d. (.AfJti 

li he had, be has a Head can ictricve it again. 

^4Krti Bdides they &y he has the modilh diltonper. 

Sir Sim. He can ciuc it with the be$ Freneb Cbirurgeon in 
Town. 

Mart. Has his Pndice on himTcir, been To much t 

SsrSim. Come, come. .. 

. F««, like dtfirtid Jilt, doesfiiS hlyt Mtn, 
ff% daf^t.her Mtn, mufi be advisd-kf^-inxBO. \ 
For be fytovt befi of ar^^ hm ta try Men. 

Tie Seem, the eUPeB-A0* 

■ .,■■. ■ Enter Rangei and Daraerwitt' 
: Rm> Now die Ltu/s have renouacM us i Hey (at tbcC^i- 
fiiiia% flie cannot UK mc wotle than yotu bonoutabtc Mi* 
ftnCdtdyou. 

Dap. A Pox, fomc young Hdr, or unthcTa has . promised 
bet tfii^iaf/B > itmt axe fo many Fgols in the World, 'tis 
impdiibic a Min oS Wit to keep his Wepcb, iiom bc^ a 
I.i{lr, ktmepoKh. 

Ra». But have you no other Afg^tance that iticks to 
her Vocation, in ipight of Temptations of Honour, or hlthy 
Lucre ; J declare, I make Honourable .Lo^ meeily out dT 
neocffity; as you Rooks pl^ oo the Sguaiic^ ladicr thu not 
play at all. 



St. Jzmti't'Parkl 40) 

(To them Lconore, Lydta*/ WmtM Mask^J, with 
Letter in her band* 
Daf, CcHDC, the Devil will not lofe a Guncltn > here's 
xeady Money for you, pufh Brelf. 

iUs. Thou art as well met, as if by Affignation. (To her. 
Leo. And you are as well met, as if you were the Man 1 
look'd for. 

Rm. Kind R(^?ie— i^ 
l-to. Sweet Sir. 

Rm, Come> I am diy PiiliHiei, f without more words) 

(bew but thy Warrant. (Goes to fmlh off her Mofk. 

Leo. You miftakc, Sti here is my Pafs. (Gtvej him s 

(Letter, 

Rtft. A Letter, anddiredcd to me. (ReaJs, 

I earniet fitt up the JnjurieSf and A^rontt you did tut lafl 
^ight i -(a challenge upon my lilc, and by fjch a MeOcngeiJ 
tbmfeneot^urejw by your Honour, at eight s Clock precifeljfy 
this Evenii^ tofendyeur Man to St. James'/ Gate., *o wait 
for me with tt Chair, to ConduH mu, to what vlace you fialt 
thiak^utofi fit, for the giving <^ fat irfa£}ion to the injiir^d'Chti' 
fiiiUt 

Cbri^ina I I am amaz'd ! what i»*t a Ckiclci Dofftrwit } 
Daf. It wants not half an hour c^d^t. 
Ran. Go then backj my pretty Hcrauld, 

Cto the U^d, 
and tell my fair Enemy, the Icrvice (ho deCgns my Man, is 
only fit fw tny Friend here 4 of whofc Faith and Honour, (he 
may be feane of i he (hall, immediately, go wait for her at 
St. Jumth Gate. whUfl I go to prepare a Face for out ran-' 
counter, and my felf to dye at her feet : 

("Ex. Leonore. 
Dswenvit, AttxDapftrvit* 
baf. What lucky SurptiTal's this I 
Rm. Prithee as ho queltions. tiB i have more leifure, and 
Ids adoailhrnent i I know, you will not deny to be an inftrtl- 
ment m my hapf^ncfi^ 
Z><arjk No, let rai: perilb, I take as nudipkaTitfc to bring 
Dd J LoTC^ 



'AOfi LeveimaWaod; Or, 

Lomstogetbet, as aa old Woman, that as aBankni[A Gamc- 
§et knes to look oi^ though he has no advantage by llie PI»f i 
« 3S a Bully that f^hts not tum&If, jet takes Pleafure taict 
Peopk logrtha by the Ears, oi as— - 
, Rao. Sdeath, HtbisatinwfoiSioiilicudcs? 

Dap. You hftvc made me mllcariy d a good ThoL^ht, 
now kt me pcri(fa. 

R^n. Go piefently to St. j^jmei's-Gatc, whac you axe to 
exped the coming of a Lady f 'tis Cbr^ina) accompany'd 
by that Woman you £uv e*ea now i ^ wiM permit you to 
put ba ittto a Chaii, and then Condodl h« to my Lodgii^ 
wbUa 1 go bcfoie to remove fonw S(Hes, and pvpaie it for ber 
RcGcpiini. 

P«f>. YourLodginghadyounotfaettetcanyhettoFmMtt's 
^is hard by, and there a Vizard Mask has as ficccegte& and »• 
{Te&> as at the Play-houfti- 

Ran. Pmth, thcHiftb it be not very prudent, yet (be (haH 
c«nc ibitha la my Vindication > for he wou'd oat believe 1 
had [ee« her lift Night 

Daf. To have a tine Woman, and not tcU on'c as f ou ftf, 
Mr. Rmgtf • 

Raff. Go, and bring her to Vinetmh Lodging, there Jll 
cxpeft you. iExdoa fevertilj- 

Enter Chmia^ I&bcl, ler. WTomtfh 

Jfa, This is the door Madam, here Ml FaieaH: Lodges. 

Cbri. Tis no matter, we will pa(s it by, left the Peof^ 
i^oiu Lodgitigs (bou'd watch us i but if he fliw'd not be hoc 
noW. 

JjQt, Who, Mr. Valmvut Madam f I qaoaot you, my 
inteIUgeiBf:v dates not fail me. 

Cirri. Did become lalt Night, faidfK> 

Jfa. LaA Night tate. 

Cbri. And not fee me yet i nay, notlendtailR j 'tfefilUe^ 
he is not come i I wiOi he wore not. I know not wbidi 1 
fhou'd take diote unkindly &om him, «xp(MGIng fails E& to his 
revefig^i^ ^jcmics ; or being almofl: four an^l twenty houis lb 
near .me, and not let inc know*r. 

If0, A loros dangers ufi the only frcnts kspt from Im 
Miftiels? 



St. Jamca'/-P<«j^. 407 

Mifticfe *. he OB^ not to yoa, bccaufe he wouM not putchafe 
his Elappineg mm yout Fear and AppidMnfiooa, 

CM. Nay. he^ come, I £ee, fince you arc come about 
again o( his fide. 

Ifg. WUyougpIn, Madam,' and difpcore mr, lfyoucan» 
^is better than Handing in Ac &ieeti 

CbrL We'UgotHttlefiirtbnfiif^ uidrctum. 

, (Exam. 

Vtnoent'i loJ^itt^. 

Entir Vincent and Valentine. 

yiM. I told you I had lent my Man to Cbfifiina% this 
Morning, to cnqinic of her M«d, Cbo feldom denies btm a 
feact) if hn Lady bad been at the Pi^taft Night > Whidi 
<he pezcmptotily anfvned to the contrary, and afliuM him, 
fte had not lUi'd oat fince yom Departure. 

Val. WiU notCbamber-Maids lie, rtneetit ? 

fni. WiH not Jtn^ tie, Valtntint} 

Val. The Ciroitnliances of bis Story pov'd it trac*, 

Vph DoyouthiRkfooldaMa^rin the£undty, as he, will 
want the VatniQi of probalMHtyfbr his Ue& 

Vi^ Do you thiniia Woman, having; tlie advantage of ha 
Sex, and Edticatim, under fuch a Miib«ts, will want Impu- 
dence to dif-aTow a Truth, that nd^t be prejucUcial to ^c 
Miaiefi? 

- ¥in. Bitt if both Teftimbnies ate blltble i why will you 
needs believe his ? we are aptei to believe the diings we wou'd 
have, than diofe we wou'd not. 

Vai* My iH lucfe has taught me to oedit my Mif-(bituae^ 
and dqabt my Ut^ipinefi. 

VtH. But Fortune we know iiftmOant. 

Vd. AndaHcf hnSex. 

Ktn. Wilt you yadge of Fortune by your Experience, andnoC 
do your Milireis the fame Junice? go fee her, uid latisfic yout 
icjf andbei i fcs if Oie be innocent, confidet how culpable 
you ate, not only inyourcenfuresofhcr, butinnot&dnghoc 
^nce your ccnalng. 

Vd, If (he be innocent, I (hou*d be afiraid to furptile tier, 
forheiSalK* '4ii^ Ilhou*d bcafitaidtofuiprifcher, formy 

OWDf 

Dd4 _ r^ 



'(jo3 Lave in a Wood 5 Or, 

Vh' To be jeakxis, and liot tnquifitive, is as hanl as to lor; 
ntrcamVi and not to be fpmahtog jealous. 

Val. InijuiStiveoc&Hs Icldom cues (ealoulic, as drinking io 
a Fcvei quenches the Thirft. - ■ * 

Vin. If (he vat at thcFatk kfi Night, 'tis probable <fac^ 
not mifs thisi go watch bcr Houlb, fee who goes one, wbo 
in V while I \ti the mean time futch out Rmgtr\ who, II] 
pawn my Life, upon mon DifcDuife, Diall avow his mif^tobci 
nei^ he is, go in, how luckily is he come i 

Ejrttr Ranger. 

Valentine rairti to the door hebind, ovtTrhemiw them, 

Vitf. i!««Jf«rf you have prevented me i IwasgoniKtdfotA 

you out, between the Scenes at the IVtfj^N/r, the Ceffte-ba^it 

Tevifis'CBffrt, or Giffor£s, ' 

Ran. Do you want a pretence to go to a Bawdy-houfc i 

but I have oihci. Vifits to mak&- ■ . . . . 

^«. I forget, 1 (houMraihei have (ought you in C^y?ia«'s 
Lodgings, ha, ha, ha. 
. Ran. Well, wcil) I'm jud come to tell you dot Ca-/}?>««— 
Vin, Proves not by Day'light> the kind Lady you folUm'd 
laft Night out of the PKfi. . > 

, fian. I have better news for you, to my thinking. 
What is't i ■. : , 

tUn. Not that I hive been in Cbrifiin»s Lod^ng thb Mom* 
ing i but thatfhe'llbeprolcQtlyhefcinyourLKl^ngwidime. 
Val. How ! 

(BAmi. 
Vttt, You fee now, his report was a Jcft, ameciJeA: 
{Ortmmg back to the 4oor^ when Valentine ^m^ 
and ff tiding fofily to bim, 
vnSf^aviA tny Lodging be your VauUing-SduoI Aill > thou 
hiift, appointed a Wench to come hither, 1 Hnd. 

(T'Ran. 
Ran. A \Vcndi -, you feem'd to have more Rcvdcooefor 
Cki/^iM lad N^t, 

yiti. Now you ulk of Chr^ina, prithee tell mc what was. 
tlie meaning of thy laft Nights Romance of Cbri^'taa. 

,^. You Hull knot* the meaning of al^ when Cirifim* 
COiticS) Q)i:'Ut)chcte[acfcnllf, 



V^n. Who win, Ckri/iht0> 
Ran. Yes, Cbrijhmi.' 
f^in. Ha, ha, ha. 

Ktfn. Inocdulous Eqtjt, thou att as cnTioos as an impotent . 
Leccbei at a Wedding. 

"J^im Thou ait dthrrmad, orasvainasaFrMc^fiMtf, new- 
ly retuin'd home from a CmtpaigTi,^ or oUiging Eiigland. 

Ram Thou art as envious as a Rival } butif thou an nunc, 
there's that will make you dcfill > 

(Gmt lain s Letttr» 
and if you are not my Rival.; intniflingyou with fuch a Sccict; 
wHl I kiiow, oblige you to keep it, and alfift me againft aK 
other Intcnifls.'' 

' Vin. Do you think I tiake youi (eaec as an Obligation ? 

don't I ttnow. Lovers, Travellas> and Poets, wUl give Money 

to be heard i but- what's the Paper ? a Lampotm upon Cbri' 

fiina^ hatched laA night betwixt Squire Dafftrwit and you, 

, bccaufc hei' Maid us'd you fcurvily. 

Ran. No, 'tis only a Letter firom her, to (bcw, my Com- 
pany was not fo difguliful to her lafl Night, but that Ihe dc- 
iiics it again to Day> 
Vd, A Letter firocn her. 

Vm. A Letter from C^n/fM, ( ^tai. 

Ha, ha, ha: {Rtadt. 

Ran. Nay,' 'tis pleafant 

Vin. 'Yoia miflake, ll^gh at you, not the Letter. 
Ran. \ .am like the winning Gameflei/ fo pleas'd wi(h my 
Luck, I wHlnot quairelwithany, whonllsmcaFoolfoi'jt. 
Vin. Is this the ftUe of a Woman of Honour > 
Ran. It may be, for ou^t you know y I'm fure, 'tis well 
if your female Conrefpondents can Read. 

Vm\ muft confe&,I have none of the little. Letters^lf name, ' 
or Title like your Spuiilh Epillles Dedicatory ••, but that i Man 
fo frequent in honourable Intrigues, as you «e, fhould not 
Jotow the fmnmcHis of an Impudent common Woman, from 
dtat t^a Peitbn of Honour. 

Rm. Cbrifiina is fo mudi a Perfon oi Hopcw, ffae'It own 
wIgU ihe has Writ, when Ihe comes. 
fk. But wiD Ok come hither iodoci i 



'Ato Ltvein.aWaodi OtI 

Rjnt. Immediately •■, you'll nccHrcf^ liberty with you, I 
' couM not conceal fuch a Happindsj firgm fudi a Fcinvl as yon, 
left you [hou'd have taken it unkindly. 

Vpt. Ftjih, you hare obltg'd me inelccd i (bi you, joA 
otheis wou'd often have made me believe yoiv honoNnU: In- 
ttigues, but ocver did me tbc Honour to convitwc ntt^ 'em 
betoie. 

Ran, Yw are meiiy, I find* yet. 

Vin, Wiicn you are happy, I cannot bi (rthawite, 

Xan- But 1 loTc ttmc, I ftiou'd lay a little Pafbn in AmbuA, 

(Afik. 
that lives hud by, in Cafe CbrijUita fbou*d be hnpitknt lobe 
scvcngM of her. Friends, as it otten happnis wkh a di^ 
tented Hcksfs i. Women Kbe old SoHiets, more mmbly £x> 
ccute, than kfaey itfi^ve. 



oiot a Wonii 



yitL What mvt you wSl not dif-appoiot a 
Chrifiitut's Quality ? 

ItM. I'Jl be hoc bcfiiK Ac comes, I watraot you. 
(Ex, Rail. 

yith I do believe you traly : What think yoa Vdtmimt ? 

f^al. Ithink, lince (be has the Courage to chalenge him; 
. Ibe'D have the Honour of bdr^ fiifl in the FkVd. 

FiMk Fye, your Opbion ot her mult be as bad, as Rmpt 
of hlmfelf is good, to think fbe wouM write linBi ; I lo^ 
till his bem-rcks comes, that you may be both ditabus'd. 

yal. AiidIhavcra]CRlti<noitofi>rlHiCaaii^ left yoa 
(hou'd be dif-abus-'d. 

Eattr ChiiiUM siU Uabd. 
Vin. Here (he i£ i'fdth i I'm gM flic's <nw. 
^W. And i*m loriy ■■, but I will to ray PoA agyo, kft fiic 
Ifaeu'd lay fhc came to me. ■' 

>!». fiyHevKiw, Cir/^wuhatictf; 'as (he! 

(4^. . f ChriltaaB ftih t0hir Muk 

Vol. 'Tis (he i cuTs'd be thefe Eyes, moR ona'd, thtf 
when they Hflk bctray'd.rac toi^t laUebttvitdui^Face. 

(Sthml 
Chri. You may wqndet, Sir* to fee me here ■ ; ■■ . ':■; 

Vim 



St. JamesVPtfTife 41 { 

Tfiff. Imuftcoafdsldo. 

Chii. But die coi&leQoe yaiu Fiiencl hasbTOu, kthe 
caufe of nine ; and yet ibmc bliilbcs it do's oofi mc^ to come 
to feck foi a Man. 

^W. ModcflCicatuic (&iW. 

Tm. How m I (ioxiv'd / (^>J^. 

C<&H. Whne k bt, Sir> why does he not apfiear to keep 

me fai CooniOMiKe^ ynj call him, Sit, 'tic fooMtbing hard 

if be {hou'd know Vm hoe. 

Vm. I hardly can, my lelt, believe you are bete. Madam. 
Cbri. If ray Vilit be aoublefonte, ot unfoibnable, 'ds youc . 
Friend's Fauk,ldcfi^'(iit not toyou&i pi»y, call him our, 
that he may esnifc it, and take it on himfclT, togechct with 
my Shame. 

Vm. How in^llent Ibc is .' C-^tfi^* 

Chri. Or do you delay the Happtnelfl I a^, to make it 
moK welcome ? IhaTeftay'dtookHigfiHitalieady, andcuH.' 
not mote defite it i dear Sii, call turn out, whore is he ^ 
alwTc, or hoc widiin ? Ill fiutdi the Favour wlvch you witl 
native : (Gotj to tht Jfory mi Jifaavtrt Vuendne. 

What do you hide yom Tclf for Shame ^ 
^«/. Imoftconfeftldo. 
Chri Tofeemecomebid i cfr — " 
r«/. lacbiwwkdgpit. 

(Val. ifftrtUfpMt. 
Cbri. Before yni cane tomci bK wtaduido yougo^ 
comelcan fcwgivcyou. 

VaL But 1 cannot for^TC you. 

Cbri. Whither do you go ? you fxed not frargea Quatiel, ' 
to pierent mine to you \ aOr need you try if 1 wou'd foUow 
you ; you itnow I willj I ham, you (ec 
VmI. That impudence (hould kx)k fo like innocence. 

Cbri. Whither wou'd you go ? whywouMyougo? 
Val. To bA\ your Sernac o) yoiL 
C^f. She is here, what wou'd you hive Withher ? 
Val. 1 noean yoiuLiOvcr» iheMan-you cametomcet. 
Cbri, Oh Heaven».' what Lova? what Man? 1 cioK to 
Ik QQ Man but you, whom 1 had too long hrf). 



411 Love ii* * Wood i Or, 

VaL You couM not know that I was heic< 
Cbri* Aik her> 'twas (he that told me. CBdmtt (• 

I&bd. 
VmI. How cou'd (he know ? 
Cbri. That you fliall know hcifaftn. 
VmU No, you thought mc t6o far out of tfie wajr, to 
dilhirb yout Affignarion > and I alTuie you, Madam, 'twas 
my ill fortanc, not my defign •■, and that it may appear fo, 
1 do withdraw, (as in all good breeding} and cinlity, I am 
oblig'dj for fure your wi(h*d for Lover's coming. 
Chri. What do you mean ? are you a weary of that Title i 
Vtd. I am afbam'd of it, Gnce it grows common. 

(GeM^ out, 
Cbri. Nay, you will not, (hall not go. 
y^. My fhy might give him Jealo^iiie, and fo do you fn* 
jinv, and him the greaicft in the World ; Heavens forbid .' I 
wtw'd not make a Man Jealous \ ibr though you cill a Thou* 
bud Vows, and Oath^ and Tears, to wltncfs, (as you fafely 
may) that you have n6t the lealt of Love for me? yet if ht 
ever knew, how I have Lov^'d ydu, fure be wou'd not, cou'd 
not believe you. 

Cbri. I do confels, your Riddle is too hard for me to folvei 
therefore you arc oblig'd to doV your felf. 

r«/. I wtOi.it were capable of any other Interf»etation} 
dian wtnt you know already. 

Chri. I»this that generous good VsUmtKt who has dif- 
guls'd him fo. (Sht wean 

Vin. Nay, Imull widi-hddy(»tiin>: (SriWiVal. 

f^otHg mt. 
methinkslbelhoa'd.belmioomtv her Tongue, and Eyes; to- 
gether, whh that (loud that' fwelli 'em,' do vindicate her 
Hcarr. 

V4L They Ibewbuttheiilongpiafttcecf Diffimulation. 
(Gmf Mtr. 
ViOi Come back ; I hear ^Sjo^tr onoing up ; '(by but Kll 
becomes.' , ; ; ' ' 

y^l. Do yoa diink I have the patience d[ an MAet- 
nuniL ■ . , i . . - 

Vin. You may gq out this way, whea J-flu will) by the 
back-ftairs; bat (lay a little, till— -Ohj here be comes. 



3c Jjitncs's-Pafki 413 

Rangff enters, 
t^mi. My Revenge will now detain loe. (Valcn. relim (*gsht, 

Ufon RangctV tntranett Chrilliaa futi en herMMs\. 
Jtm. What, come alieadr f where is Baffemit ? {Afidt^i 
The Blefling's double that comes quickly i I did not yet ex- 
pcd you hoC} otheiwife 1 had done my fclf the injury to^ he 
abfent ; but 1 hc^c, Madam, I have not made you fiiy long 
ibr me. 

Cbri. I have not {laid at all ft» you. 
RoH. I am glad of it, Madam. 

Cbru Is not this that lioubldbme ftrai^cr, who (Tb IlibcL 
Laft nig^t followed the Lady Into my Lod^ngs i ^tb he. 

(Jfidt. 
(Rimovu» from him to t'other fidu 
Ran. Why do's Ok temov e fo difdalDhilly from me ? 

I find you take it iU, 1 watnpt.atyOuccominghcrei Mad^un. 

CBri. Indeed I do -not, you aie millakcn, Sir. 

Rm' Ctmhrm me by a fmile then. Madam i remove that 
Cloud, which mak^ me-apptehend (Goet to tsit offhir Matk* 
foul Wcailm : Mr. f(inet^t^ pray retiie ; 'tis you keep on the 
Ladies Mask, and noI^pWuK, which Ox has for mei ycr. 
Madam, you need not dhhull his Honour, or his Faith \ but ■ 
do not keep the Lady under con{inint ; pray leave us a little, ' 
Maftei fincent. 

CbrL You mufi not leave us, Sir ; wcHi*d you leave me 
with a Stranger ? 

Vol. How^thatl (Behind. 

Jt«i. I-vedoneandfi, If]i:;d) tobtingherhitbcr, {Afidt, 
Madam, I undaftand you ■■ ■ ■ (Apart to Chriiiina. 

Cbri. Sir, I do DOtunderOaodyou. 

Raa, You wou'd not be known to Mr. Vincent, 

C<£n. Tis yoit Acqaintancel wou'd avoid. 

Aof. Dull Brute, ttutlwas, to bringhcr. hither: (Afidt, 
I have found tny Error, Madam* give mc butanewappoint- 
mcot, where I may mca you by and by, and ftraight i wiQ 
wididraw, as if I knew you not. (.Siftlyto ber> 

Cbri. Why, do you know me ? 

Ran. I miiftnotownit? (^^idt: 

No, Madam, but— ^^ (Offtrttajshiffer. 

f:Bri 



Cbru WhifpntRg, gir, ttpM an old Acquntana ; but I 
have not the vanitf to be thcught of ymas, mmI tvfolre you 
flnll never have the ^ifptngcnicfit of mine '• Mt. Fineint, |say 
ktusgoinhnr. 

Mm, How^ this .' I im imksne I fo; but if I let ha ga 
dwi, I fh>IV be sn etemd htughii^ Rock to ^hteeiif. 

Vm. Do yni not know t£n, Mtdam > 1 tbcu^ht you h»I 
coroe hithei on purpotc to nuxt hitn. 

C£ri. To meet htm! 

Vm. By youi own appohtrmnt. 

Cbti. Wbat ftiaiwe infiiiuciion do*s delqde you all > yoa 
knowa bcfiidthedtdfnDtknowtiK. 

Vm, You wiit to him, he has yow Letter. 

Chri. Then yon know my nuM'Turc? yctyoucoofcfiMIxit 
now, ynn knew me not. 

Xmr. I muf) confefs, your Angci has dt^uis'd you, mne 
dian yooi, MaA ; fotlthdo^ tohavemecabtndeTCirv/^ 
xahere. 

Cbh. Mnvens.' how cou*d beknow me in ttsiFfacej* he 
WatdiM nehHha fim ; or is there any other oFniy niitK) tfaac 
yon imy no kmger nuRake tne, for yaaxChnfiiia > 1*11 putt 
off that which fooths your Error. rZ^iff/ ^ her Mstit^ 

kmi. Tahe but t'other Vizard off too; Imean^onrAtiger, 
and mfWcar yon arc the fiunCj andonlf OriJUfM, n^ddi I 
wifli'd, and diought to meet here. 

Chi. How coa^ you tMnk to meet roc here t 

Ran. By Virtue ofthisyoai Commiffion, (Gkntitr 
the Litter. 
whkh now, I fce^ wa« meant a leal Chdfet^i fok you loc^ 
ai if yon wou*d tight with tne. 

Cbri. The Paper b a Ihmga to ine^ I itCTermitit, yon 
are abua'd. 

Vsa. C^^ffuisaPafonoPHtHXfQr, and'wflovfnwfiatQie 
haswrittetr, Kaum-. 

Km. So, theOoAedy begins > I OiaR be lau^IM at fiifBci' 
ently, Ifl donotiuftUiemyfelf; I moft fH rn/ iiuptidenct to 
hets, Iheisiefolr'dtoclenyalliree, and I havt loft flfihobe of 
ber. {AfiiU. 

Vin. Cone, Eiitb g<wyr?rr^ 

. D„.....Googlc g^ 



. Sc. James VPdTj^J 415 

IbtH. Yoa wiH deny too, Madvn, that I fc^owM ^ou 
laft Nigbt fram the Pnk, to yout Lodging, whne I flayM 
vith you till Morning ; yqu nevei (aw mc bcfbie I wttftant^ 
Cbri, Tint yon nidriy tntiiided, laft night, into tny Lodg- 
ing, i cannot tliiny! but I wonder yni have riie corrfidence to 
biag of it ; fine yoa wiU not of your Reception ^ 

Rm. I never was fo iH-bred, astobragof my Rccq>tic»b 
a Ladles Chamberi not a word of that, Madtin* 

F0L How! if he Iks, 1 revenge her i if it be true, I re- 
venge my felf. (Vikntiite Jravi ha Sword, ivbicb 
WaKeatfetingt tbrujfi hint back, 
0a4 frntt tbt door upn him hefere 
bewMdifeev€r'dlnR.df\ffT, 
fivw LyAt tmd hf UPmAm, fi^mg tt the door. 
Jjji' MUhat do 1 (ee*! Gk^fh* with him .' a Gbuntet-plot 
tonmei M'maikiD me, «id 11, ridicntoigj.'tis trae, I nnd 
di^ hitc been long Acquainted, 4nd I long Abus'4 > but fince 
Su intends ac litun^ in ff^ght, is well as ftaiAe (not emula- 
tion) I retire t (he dcTavcs no oivy, who wilt befbortly in 
my condiikmi l^natuiralincoBAaacy, wSl prove my beft re^ 
Toigponhoi-— 'Bobothi ■ - 

(£9MS« LydU 31^;^ ir- ^(MUtf. 

Da^pcrn^t to titm. 

Daf* C^/^JM^t^goingawiy again i whxt^thfcmatttt? • 

Sm* Whit dt>^ you mean? 

I>Mp. I fcarce had paid the Churmen, and Wascxitnihgup 
after bcr, but I met her on the Snits, bias much baft, as if 
fhe had been firigbtn'd. ' 

San. Who do youtalk cf ? / 

Dtfpi C&r^M, whoib I tookup fai a Ch&, jiot now at 
St. ^Awei'ttGatt. , 

Km. Thou art Mad, here (he ii, thts h CEif^*^ 

D»f. ImA'c&akft, IilidnotfijefaerFactt bntlaralbre 
AlC UdyisgoACjthitlbMWgbtfufttiow. 

ttm. I tcttyoti, again, thisis ihe ; did you bring two? 

C^ IcMieinnoduir, hadno guide, Int tnj Wbmatt 
dwie. 

Fhi. Whtsb-did- you fcrii^ your Lady, J>afptni>U ? 

Dt^. Ev^Qow, juftnow. 

M 



4.1^ tave in a Wtod^ Qt, 

yd. Tliis Lady has been bere half an hour.' < 

Rm. He knows not whu he (ays> he is mad, you ue all fi 
too, I tm To too. 

Vin. Ti5 the beft cxcufe you can nuke for your (elf, anj 
by owning youi milbke, you'll (hew you an come to yuir 
fclf; I my felffawyDut Woimnatthedoor, whobuC look'd 
in, and then ttnmcdiately wcQt down again,as your &iend Dtf- 
fervit too af&mis. 

Cjbri. You, had beft follow hei, that look'd .for you; vji 
I'll go feck out hiniv I ume to (ec; Mr. Vmctnt, pray kt me 
in here. 

2un. 'Tis very Bne, wcmdrousline.' (Chx'^OoAgeeJtid 
a little md rettmu 

Cbri. Oh he is gone.' Mr. riAMiM fidlow luin i bewerc 
yetsooie levere. to me, in indangpihg his Life, than iilhii 
Ccnfuies in tne \ you know the power of his Eooiues is gieat, 
as thai inalice '■> juli Heaven preserve him from' them, 'and me 
firom this ill, oc unlucky Man. {Ex. Chriflini, btrWcmtk 
tad ViaceOL 

Rjm, 'Tis well --^- nay,, certainly, I (baQ never be maA* 
er of my Scnfcs inoie i but why do'ft thou hdp to iiSaa£t 
metoo^ ■ 

D»f, My aOoni(hment was as ^eat as yarns, to (ce her go 
away agiiin ', I .wou'd have Aay'd hei if I cou'd: 

Ran. Vet, again, talking of a Woman you met grat^ou^ 
tvhen I talk of Giri/7i«a. ; 
, Ran. I tal^ofC^isditQO. 

Ran. She went out jufinowi the WtsnanytMi fbottd nut 
with, was fbe: 
, Diif<i That was not lhe.Ciri/l[/if« 1 (noiight jofi now. 

Ran. You luou^t tier, altDofl, half an houK ago ; S-dcadt, 
will you dvi roc ue lye ^ 

Daft A. UdjF diliqppoiQted $y hff Oallaaj^ ^h^ ,ni^t bcfote 
her )ourneyV cou'd not be mote tow:h^ .with her. Makl, or Hu> 
band, thanjou are with me now, after youi^dif-appc^ntmcDti 
but if yon think me fp,.]'!] go fetve my f^tteKcafiaT 
for ou^t I kiiow, I have dit-appointcd Mrs. Martha for you^ 
and nnay Jolc Thirtf Thoufaiid founds by tbet)«^un: £ucwe^ 
aRavingLorcrisfitfotfolitude^ (£)c.Dap. 



..Cookie 



m 



St. Jsnxs'S'Parkf 417 

Rah. Ljfiiot Triumph,' I now am thine again 'i oi.\a~ 
tiigaes,honodtaUc oc difltonounUe,xnd a]l forts of Rambling 
I talK my leave ; whni we are giddy, 'tis time to fhnd Aill : 
Why fllou*d we be fo fond of the By-paths of Love ? where 
we are AiU way-lay'd, with Suiprizes, Trapans, Dangers, 
aod Murdering Difappointnients? 

J»P 0t *tUlmi-mmi Buff, we rm$ at All, 
l^hilfi th^f rbtt had m, laugh to ftt ms Fall ; 
And wbtn wt thitikt we bald the Lady Fi/, 
Pf^efindithtthtrScatft orVeih at Lafi. 

(Exeunt. 



A C T V. SCENE L 
St.Javaes't-Park: 

Enter Sir Staion Addleplot, leaditigMri. Marthi, Dapperwlt. 
•Sir Sim, \ T length, you fee, I ha»c freed the Captive 
Xm. Lady, for her longing Knight, Mr. i>«y;>eni'/j, 
who bring* ntf a Plot cleverly new ^ 

Dap. 1 wifb c»ir Poets vat half lb good atlt'> 'Mrs. 'Mar- 

that a Thoufand wekona— . .■■ - — (Dappcrwit Kiffet and 

(Embraces Mri. Martha. 

Sir Sim. Hold, ho]d, ^i yoar )oy is a fittle too £uniliar, 
i( Faith and Troth-^ 

P^. Will you not let me fahice Mlrs. Martha ? 

Mart. What, JoHofy do you think I do not know good 
breeding i matt I be taa^ br? you ^ 

Sir Sim. 'I wou'd have kept the Maiden-head of your Lips, 
foryourfwcet Knight, tAis. Martbjj that's alii Idare fwear, 
you never kiTsM any Mm before, but your Father. 

Mart: My Cwtct Knignr, if he will be Knight of mine, 
tnlift be coutented with what he (inds, as well as other Kni^tl 

Sir Sim. So ftnart already, Faith and Troth ! 

Mart. Dear, Mx.Dapperwit, 1 am orerjoy'd to Ac you j 
butIthinIiboncft7OTif/toi*t. ' 

fie Sir Sim. 



4rB Lowe in » Wood'-, Or, 

^ir SJ»>.How(hehagshim!. -. i40de, 

MarU Poor Mr. Dajipffvit, I thought I.fliou'd dcvct hare 

fcm youagaini but I thank hcaiclX Jonar theft— ^ — (_Sh€ 

bugt Dapperwit 

Sir S'm. Do not thank me, Mrs. Adartlm, any tnoie thaa 
I ihank you. 

Mart, I wouM not be ungratefol, Jonaii 

Sir Sim. Then refetvc your kbdncTs, only, for your Wor- 
thy, Noble, Brave, Heroick Knight who loves you only, 
and only dcfcives your kindncfs. 

Mart. I will ihcw my kindnefs to any Woithr, Brave, 
Heroick, Knight, in being kind to his Fiimd, his dear Friend, 
wjio help'd him to mc. ('^"K* Dap. agsia. 

SirSim. But, Miiixt(s Martha, he U not to help hion always i 
tho' he helps him to be married, he is not to help him when 
he is Married. . , 

Mart. What, Mr. Dafperii'ity will yoa love my worthy 
Knight, lefs after M3>^'i^g^> .<han twforc i that were againft 
the Cunoni ; for Maniags gets a Man Friends, inllead of lof- 
ingthofe he has. 

Va^, I will eyt:i t>c his Servant, and your^ Dcai Nbdam, 
do not doubtme. , . . / 

Mart. I do not, fweet, (Jeaf, Mr. Dafferipii', butlfhou'd 
not have Teen you thcfe two pays if it bad not been for honeft 
Jmai , _ . "(We tifti Dap, 

SirSim. Fpr Shame, though (he be young and foolilh, do 
not you wrong mc to my Face. [^;*rtreDap. 

, Dap. Wou'd you have me fo ill Bred, as to repulfe ba in- 
nocent kindnefe ", wiiat a- ^hing it is to want Wit ! 
- Sir Sim. A Pox, 1 q\itH nuke had to difcovet my felf^ at 
I (hall difcover, what I wou'd not dilcover ; but if ^ lhou*d 
difcoveimy felf in thishabit /tyvouMnotbctbiny advantasp* 
but I'll go, put on my oiyn Cloaths, and look like aKni^t : 

Well, Mrs. Martha, I'll go fetk out your Knight i are you 
not impatient 10 fee him ^ (Je hrr. 

Mart. Wives mull be obcdtenti let him take his own time. 
. Sir Sim. Can jou tiuft ybur^fclf, a turn oj two, with 
Maimer Z>rtp^«n((( ? . ... 



St. Jimts's-Park. 41^ 

Mart. Yes, yes, yoaai^ as long as you will , 
Sir Sim. But I vfroa'd i»t thift you with htni) if I coii'd 
help it i C4Wf. 

Simmy' J fflgl^t fat what ht dares not Blame ; . 
Andcamiot hiUge for ^ tart norfiayfor Shame, 

(Exi Sif Sink 

Dtf. I am glad he is.goiK, that I may Laugh, 'tis fucha 
tnbade of Fops, that his Converfation Ihou'd be plealanC to 
tne, even when jt hindied mc of youis. 

MMrt: Indeed, rni glad lie is gone tod,, as [^ea&nt as he is. 

Daf. I know why> 1 know why, fwect Mis. Martha \ I 
warrant you, ybu had tathei bav$ fhe. Parfons Connpany, 
thaii his ? now you an out of yout Fatha's Houle, 'tis time 
to leave being a Hypocrite.' ... 

Mart. Well fOr the jcOs .Sake, to difappcHnt my Knigl^, I 
wou'd not care If I difappcxnted oiy fclf of a Ladylhip. . 

Daf. Come, I will not keep you on the Tenters, I knoi^r 
you have a mind to make fine of me, Lhave a little Chaplain, 
I nd(h be weie a Bilhop, or one of the Fryars, to pcrfc^ our 
Sevea^ dpon dut Zealous Jew, your Fadier. 

Mart. Do lAx Ijxik Ul of iny Father, he bas been youx 
Friend I'm fure. 

Dd^. My Friend -* 

Marti His hibd uiage of me, oonfpir'd tnth your goo^. 
Mcen, and Wltj and to avoid flavery under Mm, I floop to 
your Yoke. . . , ^ ^ 

Daf, I wilt be cMg'd to youi Father, for nothme Imu a 
PoctioR, n(» to you for your LQve ; 'tw^s d^e to my Inerit. 

Mart. You (hew yout {elf Sir SimotC& Originalj if 'twere 
(lot fof tlut Vanity— — ^ 

7>aft I (hou'd be ho Wit, 'tis the Ixulgp of to? calling i tot 
you can no moiefinda Man. of Wit without Vauityj thani 
tine Woman without AAcdatun : But let us go, bcfoic the 
Knight ootnes again. . . ^ • . . 

Mart. Let uf gobefotc my Father romes, Ik ibod will have 
the Intelligence. 

D^. Stay, let me diuik a little.' , . (Faxfif, 

■ Jltf«M. Wlilat^ you thinking of? you Qiou'dl^vetbov^ 
before thii tink, or, Ifbou'd have thought rather. ,, ^ 



4to l-ave in a Wacd; Or, 

, Daf. Peace, Peaw. 

Mm. WhatareTouthinkingof? 

7>M. I am thinking, what a W\i without Vamty, h fikt j 
h-'isliKc— — 

Msn. Youdo'nottMnhwcaRlnapuUkk V'het, andiuf 
be &upris'dt and pmenttd by myyatha's Soxits, 

Jiaf, What J wou'd youhaTc mc lofe my Thought f 

Mart. You wouM rattier lb(ey(»irNfifiicfi, itfeems:. 

Daf. He is like I think PmaSot to N^;hc» let m 

Pctift. 

Mm"*' Nay, if y<)u are fo io Lore mtb your Thou^. 

(O0ntugk 

Dm. Aieyou fo tiDpatient to be ray Wife ? he b Qke~> 
he is like—— a Ptifture without Oiadows, or, ot—^-a Face 
jvitbout latches — - or a Diamond mtlnut a Foyl » tbcfe an 
tev Thou^ts now, ihffetrcTMW. 

Marh You are Wedded alicady.to youiTboi^tiv Ifa^ 
good Night. 

Z>«^. Madam, do not take 'it ill i 

For lefj ofhdpm Though^ thett'snmjtmiHh. 

That's new again, the thought's ne«r. (£MMtf. 

Enttr Gfipe, U»di«g Mrj. Liicy, Joyna, 

CtokHte, fcltawmg. 

Gripe. Mrs. Jvjfntr, I can conform to this Mode of FdllicJc 
Walking by Moon-light, becaufeone'is not kaoim. 

Liay. 'Why, areycuafliam'd'ofyour Gompany> 
' Gripe. No, pretty one i becauft in the daik, or as it were 
the dark] there ts no Envy, nor Scandal i I wouM ndtba 
lofcyou, nbrmyKcpufiition. 

7^n. YooT Rrputatlon i indeed, your Wf»fliip> *ds well 
Itnoffii, there 3te>igtBve Men, as your Worihtp i nay. Men 
in Office too, that adjourn their Caies, and Bufioefle^ to 
come and unbend thetnfelves at Ni^ here, widi a little vi* 
zard'Mask. 

Gripe. I do believe it, Mrs. Jiyter. 
■ Lmrf. I God-mother, and arrics, and tiqus ber-ac Uul- 
bcrry-Gaidcn. 



St. JamesVP^Ti^. 411 

Cr«f. Nay« do's not only tfcat her, but gives tm. his whole 
niMyinp of mat day. 

Grife. They inajr, they may, Mrs. Cra/i^fej thcycike^oTe 
iiz itf the -hundred. 

Cn^. Nay* theie ate thole of fo much worth, and honour, 
and loTc, that they*!! take it from their Wives and Children, 
to give it to didr MiScs -, noW your Worfliip has no Wiir, 
and but one Chjld. . 

Grif. Still for npy Edification. (^^de. 

Jiyn. That's true indeed, for I know a great Lady, that 
cannot follow hex Hi^nd atiroad to his Uaunts, becaufe her 
FentndlDC is fo tagged and g'cafic > whilft his Mtllrcfs is as fine 
as fippqice, in emuot^eted Sattcns. 

Gfife* ^lUtickly ^pqc of him indeed > if the truth were 
knpmt, he is i^^fUm by that, Uinph " 

Cref. Tnily, yqui Womeo of quality, are' very troubTefoine 
to. their IlK^^^nds i 1 have heard 'em complain, they will allow 
ituaiDO leparate OHUptahiancej though the Honourable Jilts, 
themlelves, will not marry mtboi^t it. 
. j^ev*. P>n», come, Millre^, fom^imes 'tis the craft of 
th<^ Gentlancn, to complain of their Wives expenccs, toex- 
>iu|« tibcli own nairownels to their Mjfles-, but your Daughter 
has a Gallant that caa nuke no excule. 

<Jr>(tt* So, ^ci. . jovjun-— my Friend, Mrs. Jtynir. — 

Ck^ I hope, indeed, hc'U give my Daughter no caufe to 
diu).Mlil * fiwpoof Wretch, fhc is as modefl as her MoitiCr. 

Qrift. Iptafefs, I believe it. 

Im^. Bm, I have die boldn^fs to ask him for a Treat, 
COOK, GfkUaot, yf^ nti^ walk towards the Mulbeity-Gard'n. 
GrifhSo- — 1 9ED ftfrud, little hjlifliils, the Rooms arc all taken 
upijy tbistinic- 

Joys. Will you (hame your felfagain f CAfidtto Gripe. 

Lmj, IftbeAooms bcfiiil, we^lKavc an Aibor. 

<h^, At ttpF tiimp qf ni^l i befidcs the Waiters willnc'n 
ooqMii«w y(4i. 

Imy, They wlH be obfctvjint of good CuHomerSj as wc 
(hall be i come along. 

Grife. Indeed, andvoily, little MiftfCl^, IwouMgo,but 
that 1 (houU be foritvpro, if I did. 

Ee5 : g^ 



4 j£ Lcpe in a Wood 5 Or^ ^ 

'^oyn. That's to pitiful an Excufe " -* 

Gripe. IntraEh, IhaTefotrwointbePlace, evetGncelm 
pawn'd there fdi a Reckoning* 

Liui^. You have broken many an Oath for the good ^ 
caule, and will )0U Boggle at oas for your poor, Itetle hAW. 
come along. 

Lady Flippant behind- 

Flip* unfortunate E^y, that I am A I have left dit 
Herd on purpole to be ch^^'d, and have wandred this hom 
here \ but the Park afibrds not To much as it Satyr for mc, (and 
that flrange) no Buigundy Man, ox drunken Scourer wHI reel 
biy wayi the Rag-wpmen, and Cydcr-womenj have better 

luck than I but who arc thefe ? if this mungril l%ht do's 

hot deceive me, *tis my Brother, 'tis he, there's Joyntr too, 
and two other Women i I'll follow 'cm ^ it muftbebe, fat 
ti^ Wotld hath nothing like him i I know not i^at the De- 
vil may be in the other. {Examt Omms, 
' \Eattr ^<> Simon Addleplot ysjfweCiMtij-, DappctwiC 
and Mrs. Martha, wtfetn hj him gttbe ditr. 

^ir Sim. Well, after all my fecking, lean fifld thofe I 
woii'd not find ; I'm fure 'twas old (Mpr, and Jopm vntb 
him, and the WidowfoUow'd ; he woii'd not have been here, 
buttohavelbu^thjs Daughter, fureibut vi^Iant D^ferwk 
basfpy'dhimtodi and| has, nodoi^it, iecm'd her fitun hfan. 
■ Dap And you* (BelmJ. 

Sir Sim. The Rogue is as good at hidiag, as I atn at Deal- 
ing a MiArefs ; 'tis a vain concrited Fellow, yet I think, 'tk 
in honcft Fellow : But again, he is 3 damnable Whoting Fel- 
low ) and what opportunity this air, and darknefs may endine 
*em'to. Heaven knows ; for 1 have heard the Rc^;ue hy hiin* 
felf, a Lady will no more (hew her modeftjr in the dark, thai 
a Spaniard his Courage. 

Dap. Ha, ha, ha — "■■.^—-« 

Sir Sim. Nay, if you are thcix my true Friend, I'llfingive 
yourhcarktiing, if you'll forgive mycenfurcsi Ifpcaktoyou, 
dear, Mid^in Martha ; dear, dear ~—Bdiold your waathy 
Knight. 
f Mart. That's far from Neighbours. 

Sir Sim. I 's come to reap the firuit of his labours. 

Mart. I cannot fee the ICnight.i well, but I'm furc I beat 
Jones, ^.- ^^irSim, 



St. James'i-Pdr^, 423- 

Sir Sim. I sm no Jonoft Mrs. Martha. 

Mart. The nij^t is not fo daik, not the Pfniquc fo big, 
but I can difcnn Jonat. 

Sir Sim. Faith and Troth, I am the very Sr Simm Addle- 
plat-, that is to marry yoii > the fame, Dafferwit folicited you 
tor ; ask him cKc,- my nanric is not yonat. 

Mart. Ydu think my youth, and fimplidty, rapabis brdus 
chetti biit let me telt ym, Jtmat^'as not your bonrow'd 
ck>4th5, and titles, ffaall make me^ mair^ my FathCi'S Man. 

Sir Sim. Bonow'd title i I'll be fwom 1 bought it of my 
Landrels, who was a Court Landrcfs i but indeed, my doiths, 
I have not pay'd for ; - therefore in that fcnfe are borrow 'd. 

Mart. Ffichee, Jovas, fei the jcfl end, or I (\\i\\ be prefcnt- 
ly in camclV* 

Sir Sim. Pray be la eameft, and let us go i theParfoii, and 
Supper, ftayfor us, and I am a it£night in eanieft. 

Mart. You a Knight, infolcnt,{awcyFool ? 

Sir Sim, The Devil take me, Mrs Marth.L, if I am not a 
Kni^t now \ a KnighfBaronet too ; A Man ought, 1 ftp, to 
garty his Patent in his Pocket, when he goes to be marry'd,'tis 
more neccllary than a Ucehfe > I am a Knight indEcd, and in> 
deed, now, Mts. Martha* 

Mart, Indeed, and indeed, the trick will not pais, Jomt, 

Sir Sim. Poor Wretch, flw's afraid, (he (hall not be a Lady : 
come, COOK, diicovct the intrigue, Dappemiit' 

Ad!«rf. You need not difcover the intiigue, 'tis apparent a1- 
Kidy \ unworthy Mt. Dapferwit^ afta my contidchce repos'd 
in you ; cou'd you be fo little generous, as to betray me to my 
Father's Man; but I'll be even with you/ 

Sir Sim. Do not accuTfi him, poor Man, before you hear 
lum ; tell her the intiigue, Man. 

Dap. A Pox, (he will not believe us. 

Sir Sim. Will you not cxcafi your fclf ? but I mull not let 
it red fo) know then, Mrs. Martha. 

Mart. Cotne,' I foi^vc thee before thy con&flion, Jmat ; 
you never had had the confidence to have dcfign'd this Cheat 
upon mr, but firom Mr. Dapfenvit's encouragement, 'twas his 
Plat. , 

Sir Sim. Nay, do not do me that wrong, Madam< 

Mart. Bat llnce he has trapan'd me out of my Father's 
Houfe he is like to keep me as long a? I live, ani ib goodnight, 
Jem. Ee 4 Sir Sim. 



^24 ^^'^^ ^"^^^ Wifod ^ Of, 

Sir Sim. Hold, hold, what d*yc auan both ? pddiee kll 

her IamSir5wM», ia^aojutar. 

7>ap. A Pox, (he will not believe us> I tell you. 

Sir Sint, lhzvcfiOv\ieiia,Pai(oa, and.Siippei; atMalber- 
ry-Gaidcp, and invited alt mj Friends I<ou*d meet in cbr 
Park. 

Pi^. Nzy^ taibat[)aa they (halt be di(ap(»inted,thcKQuU 
be a Bride and Biidcgroc^, to qUatam 'em i Mi& Jldarth* 
and I'll go thithet prcfcntly. 
' Sir Sim. Why, (hall (he be youcBiidc? 

Daf* You fee (he will have it fo. 

Sir Sim. Will you make Dsfptrwit ygut Husband.^ 

Mart. Rathex than my Father's Man. 

Sir Sint. Oh ihe Devil 

M4rt. Niy, come alone;, Jonsi, yaa QuH make one at the 
Wedding, fince you hclp'd w contrive It. 

Sir Sim, Will you cheat your Telf, for fear of being cheated ? 

Mar$. I am dcfpcratc pow> 

Sir Sim. Wik thou let her do fbillathln^ Dsfferwitf as- 
to marry thee ? open her Eyes, pijtbec, and tell hei I am a 
true Knij^ht. 

Daf. ' rwou'd he in vain, by my life, yoti hive cany'd your 
fclf fo like a natural Clerk — — and fo adieu, good Jmat. 
(Ex. Martha «n2 Dofferwit. 

Sir Sim. What, ruin'd by my own Pk)t, like an old Cava- 
lier; yet like bim too, I wiIiPlotonftill,aPk)tofprevcntioni 

fo I ha^ve it her. Father was here ev'n now. Tin (are 

well— —— I'll go tell her Father of her, that I will i 

Aid ptm^fo her Foltj, and his Trtseheryy 

Revtngt is fwett ; snd mdkst amtnisfor Lttebery. 2», 

Ertler Li dia, anJ her Wtmtn Leonorc. 
tfd. 1 wifli, 1 had not come hither to night, Lemere.' 
Leo. Why did you. Madam ^ If the place be fo dif-agreea- 
ble to you. 

Lyi. We cannot help viliting the place often, where we have 
loft an/ thing we vjIuc v I loll Raȣer here lall night. 

Leo. You thought yoa had loft him before^ a great while 
ago, and thtrefoic you ought to be the Ids troubled. 

^ Z;l 



Lyd. But 'twas bare, ! mUs'd him ftrfl, Vm five* 

Let. Gome, Midun, let not the lofs vex you, he is not 
wonh the loc^g after. 

J^J. It cannot but vex nv yet, if I lofl him by my own 
fault. 

Imhi:. You had but too modi care to keep him. 
' IjiJ. It often happen^ indeed, that too much care, is as bad 
as D^ligenoe * but I had ntha be lob'd, than lolc what 1 have 
caicldly. 

Lton. But, I believe, you wou*d hang the Thid" if you 
coud. 

LjfJ. Notif I con*d have my own again. 

Ztrm. I fee you waa'd he too mcidfid. 

Lyd. I wi{b I were try*d. 

Lem, But, Madam, it you pteaG:, we will wave the dif- 
couric } for PEopte Icldom ([fuppofcj talk with pkafiire, of 
thdr lol Lofles. 

Lyd. Tis bettei then to nudnate in thein^ nurie, rm fure, 
will not oat (^ head, nor heart. 

Lun, Grief is fo hx ftom retitcving a loG, that it makes U 
greater > but the way to Icflbn it, is, by a compariToQ with o- 
thenloflesj hoe are L,3dies, inthcE'atk, ofyowAaquuntanoe, 
Idoulrt not, can compare with you> pny Madatn, let ui walk 
and find 'em out. 

lyd. 'Tis the termtment you fay, makes the lot great, or 
little i and then I'm iaxc, dierc is none like minci however 
goon. # (Bxamt. 

Enitr Vincent mid Valentine. 

Vm. I am glad I have found you, for now lam ptcpar'd to 
Uad you oat of the dark, and all your trouble* 1 luve good 
news.' 

Vol. Yon are as unmnciAil, ai the t^y'fictana who with 
new Arts, keeps his mifeiable Patient akve, and in- hopes, ' 
when he Imows the Difeafe is incurable. 

Vm. And you, like the melaiKboly Padcnt, inlflxuA ind hate 
your E^yfician, bccaule he will not axnply with your Defpair : 
But I'll cure your Jeakxdenow. 

Vat, You know, all Difcafes'grow wor& by relapfes.'^ 

Vm, Tiaft me ukc more 



426 Love in a Wcfid $ Or, 

VaL Well, you may Ir^ yrair Experiments upon me. 

Vin. JuD as 1 (hut the door upon yoa, the Woman, Roh^ 
gtr exp^ed, came up fhuis » but finding anodvr Woman in 
difcouife whh him, wcu down again, I fuppole, as jcaloiisof 
him, ae joa of Cbrifiina. 

VaU How do's it appear Qie came to Rattier i 

l^iik Thus, Dapptrwit amtmzhtr be ludbroagbt her, 
jtAthca, in a Chair fiom St. "James's hy Ran^^a appoioh 
mcnt ) and it is certain your Cbrifiina ante to you. 

f^aL How can that be? &xfhc knew not I was in the Kkig- 
dom. 

Vin. My Man confrfTu, whtn I lent bitn to (;iK|k^ of her 
Woman, about her Lady's being here in the Rirk laA Night i he 
roIdhayouwciccome,3ndn»,lt IcetnSftold heiMiftiers. 

Fal. That mi^t be (AfiJe. 

ButdidnotC^j?M« confels, K«Higer was in ha Lodginglafi 
night. ' 

Vift, By intf ufton, whidtflie.had moR particularly informed 
tnc of, if her apprehcnflons of youi Danger hzi not pofted me 
after you -, (be not having yet fas I fuppc^e) heard ofCUri- 
nmii Recovery : I left her, poor Cicatur*^ at home, d'l&iajSt- 
cd wi^ a Thoofand Fears for ydur Life and Lore. 

VsK Her Love, I'm fuic, has coft me moie Feus, than my 
Life; yet that little Danger is not paft, (as yon ilunk) till the 
great one be over.' 

- Pin. Open biit youi Eyes, and the Fant^idt G(Mn'$ va- 
nifh'd, and all your lA feats, wiltturntoftamei forjealoufic 
is the bafetl cowardize* 
' P'al. 1 had rather, indeed, bluQi for my Iclf, than her. 

i^in. I'm fuieyou will have mme icafon^—- But is not tbtt 
Ranger then. 

Rat^ci Ester/t foV^d by ChiifUna and bar f^omaii, 
after tMm Lydii, a«d ber ffimmit 

Val. I think it is. 

Via. I fuppofe, his Fiieud D^fienvH is not {at off ; I viD 
examine them both before you, and nst leave yoa fo mtidi, if 
the Qiadow of doubt ; Ranger's aAonUhmeitf at my Lodjpgfr 
feCs'i his mifhkc. 

Val. His aftoniOimciit might proceed froin.CMf«f*'s ipiex- 
pcflcd firangentrfs To him, 

■ t';a. He fiiill fatisfy you now himftlfto the.ct^Blnry, I 
warrant you, have but patience. ■' VtL 



St. Jam^VPin'J^.' 417 

1^41. Ilodnthec, indeed, he {bould&tisfy my Doubts, than 
my Revenge > tbeicfoic I can have patience. 

yin. But wiiUt Women aic thde that follow him i 

Val. Suy a little 

San, l^di», Lyii9 — : — pooc Ljdioi 
Lyd. If (he be my Rlval/tis Ictnecomfott yer,(T0 her H^J. 
to fee her follow him, tather than 1^ her. 

Ltm. But if you follow them a little-loiigci, foe youi coni- 
^wt, you Qull fee them go hand in hand. 

Cbri. Sir, Sit — (li Ranger. 

Xcwi. She calls to him ftheady, 

£yd, But he does not hear^ you fee ; let usgoa-Uttle ncaia. 
Ktm. Sure it is Rgf^gtr i 

VsJ. As fuie as the Woman that follows him clofcft, is 
Cbri^ina. 

Vitt. Fotlhvn^ talk not d* C^/^iiw ; I hft her iuft now 
at homC} funbundcd with fo many Feus and Griefs, ■(he cou'd 
not ftir.. 

fi(/. She is coovi it may b^ to divat them here in the Parb ; 
}'m furc 'tis (he. 

Vin, When the Mooo, at this Inftant, Icaice affords light e- 
^uu^ to difling;uHh aMan fnm aTKe,how can yoi) knowhc^ 
Vsl. How can you know K«)t£fr, then } 
Vm. I heaid him fpcak. 

Vol. Soyou mayhcrtoo; I'lKccuieyoU} ifyouwilldnw 
but a Uttle ixaia i (he came, dgubtleft, to no oUtei cod but 

to fpeak with him ; obfcrve . - 

Cbru ^r, 1 have followed you hiihoto. ' (Jo Ranger, 
but now, 1 muft defiie you to follow me out of the CompanjF^ - 
^ I wouVl not be ovct'hcard, nordifluib'd< 
Rm, Ha.' is not this Gbrifiia»3 Voice? it Islam fuic, I 

. camut be deceiv'd no w - ^— dcai Madam . 

Vm. It is (he indeed. idfmrt to VaL. t . 

Vd. Itisfo? ■ . • 

Cbri. Come, Sir—' — ■ {To Ranger. 

Val, Nay, ru follow you too, though not invited. (^Afidt. 
I/fd. I muft not, cannot flay behii^. (jlfM, [Exeutit. 
Tb^ ^11 go off tif ether m a huddle^ hafiUy > 
Quiftiqa, htr Wemaii, and Valpntipc, refmrH m the dtkt Side. 
Qhrit Come along. Sir. 



^•iS Lave Ht aWofd 3, Or, 

Val. So [ muft ftkk ro hn wbm att & donai hor new Sa- 
yaot has loft hei iiitbe(>owd, ftehugoMioe&ftfof him* 
fbmachniyKvengc JsfwlftatitMnhkLovei nowfluUI not 
only hive the defmed Lovers Revenge, of ^-^ipuatkig her 
of hetnewMan* butanc^tportuntti inbli^f it am, todif- 
covet her falfimefs, «ikI confront hei IrapHdcnae. iAfidt. 

Cbri. Pny come-along, Sir, 1 am ia bafis. 

'PW.SQ eager, indeed 1 w^ that Qoud nwf lut widn 

hold the Moon, that ^ falfe Wotnan, nuy not dafinvei iiKi 
befonjdohci. (..^Ue. 

C&ri. Eleie no one can bear m, an4 I'm fiue^we «uinot lee 
•one another.. 

r«/, 'Sdcath, what have I gtddttf ran my MfnpOQ? *Te 
ratherattyal bfmy fetfthan her; I cannotandcvgo-it.f./^ieiJlA 

Cbri. Come nearer, Sir. 

^dA Hdl and Vougeance, I cannot fuffn it, I cannot. 

CM. Come, come -, yet nearer, pny cotnc neamr. 

J=V. It iJ impoflibfe, I cannothoU; I moR^ko9€x mf 
iclf, »ther than her ii^my. 

Cbri. You ue confcious, Hfeettis, oftfiswion^ ycnVove 
done me, and ate aOuun'd though in the c^, {Sft^ 

r«/. How's this.' • ■ ■ ^Afik 

Omi. I'm^gbdcoflndicfei far dt my bc^eC^ with 70*1,1! 
(a (faow you your late triiflakes, and force a CcwAitttmfroai you 
of ihofc unmanncrty injuries you have done ntc; ' - 

VmI. What ! i think Ih^ honeft i 01 doe? Qu'loww me ? 

line (Ik cannot. iA^. 

Cbri. FuR, yoru intrufion, laA ni^t, fatCo my lodging, 

which, I itippE^c, has begot your other gto& nlltakc^ 

Fal, Ko, ihctakes Hic for Kgn^tr, Ifoe again. (^A 

Cbri. ¥ou arc .to know then, ( lince -needs foa tnaft> it was 

not me you folbwM laft Night to lAy tod^ng itom tiie Park, 

but tonne Kinfwoman of yours, irfrcms; whpfe fear of being 

dilimvcr'd by ydw, prevaii'd vMh me to peifoiiatt her, while 

(hewithdrcw, out Habits and our Statuies being mach alikei 

which I did with as much difficulty, as (hcus'd iinponunity to 

make me; and all this, my Ltdf Flifpsnt can witDefs, wjio 

was then with yout Coufin. 



r*il!ani gbd to hear this [^/a 

Cbri. Now, whit your cbicn to ox, at Mi. Vitum^i Loag- 
ing, tnaac i Ac Lettn, and Promifes, you nowoithily, or n> 
roneoully byM to my Cbaigc, you mufl explain to mcaodo- 

thias, ot 

FmK How*s dns/ I hope I Unit dlfcorci no Guilt but my 
own } (be wou*d not fpeib in threats to a Lovei — (jlfuU* 

Cbri. Wat it bequife ymi found me in Mr. Virutnt's Lodg- 
ings, you took a LibeiEy to ufe me, like one ol jour conmoti 
Vifituits ? But know, I came no more to Mr. Vmcaitt tfa»i 
you, yet} I confcft , my vllit was intended to a Man—. ■ .i.t^ 
A brave Man, till you made him itfe a Woman ill, worthy the 
Lofe d'a Prince^ till you nude him cenftnc mine, good as 
Angels, teB you made him unjaft : Why^*— in the naox of 
honour, wou*d you do't ? 

. KW> How happily) am 1 di&f^xMnted ! poor injut'd Chri* 

jtbm (AfiJt. 

Ctri* He wouM have fixigbt me out Arfi, if yon had not 

made Hm fly from me, «ur mutual love, confirm'd by a ocm- 

tiadf.mJMle oui hearts iorqwiaUe, till you rudely, if not m^ 

lidottflyttimiAinuponus, aadt»cJtctheck>re,^luppyknot4 

I had loft him befocefbt a month, now ka eva, , (She wteft. 

VtU My Joy, and Pity mAkes roe as muce, w my Shame > 

jet I muft difcovci my felf. . {Afid*. 

Cbri. Your filenoe, is a con&llkm of your guilt. 

F«/. I own it. (AjUe. 

. CM. ButthatwiUnotlrnrcmy tun; forlbaityoumurigo 

clev your lel^ and me to bim you have injui'd in me, il be lias 

not made too miichhafte from me, to be found again, you Inutt 

Ifay, foihei£aManttatwiilhnrciatis£i^iion> jmd in'laiiify- 

ing him, you do me. ' 

Vul. Thmheiifttisfy'd. 

Cbri, How! isityou? then I am not latisfy'd. .. , 

Vtd. Will you be worle than your Woid / 
Cbri. 1 gave it not to you. 

Vtl. Come, AeasCbn^ina, the Jealous, like iheDninkvd, 
has his puniQunent, with his Offence. 
: 'Til »i^ Vincent. 
Vin* JfWflWJw, Ht.Vthtitfni. 

D,,.z.....Go63[^^J 



450 I^« w o WW J Or, 

VsL Vttum — 

Vin. Whcfc have you brni atl thU while ^ 

(Valentine holds Chriftina by the banif rvbtftmi ii 



fin^li Ugtt frvm biM. 
th my mjur'dCi 



Vkl. Here with my injafdCbrifima. 

Pin. She's behind with Rather, Who i^ fb^c'd to fpeak all 
the tender things himfelf^ fot mc affords him not a Word: 

f^al. rab, pifli,^jiii(n«r, whoisblibdnow ^ whodttdv'd 
now. 

^in. You are, fat Vta bnCbrifiia* i$ with hihii come 

back and &e. (Jbtygo eat at one deer, Mtdrttttm m the elben 

Ranger to Lydia. 

Urn. Still ttiock'd, ftiltabusM! didyoanotUdmefbltoir 
yoo, where tvc might not be difiurb'd, nor om^htan) ? and 
now not aUow me a Word ^ - 

Viooent t» Valentine. 

W«. Did you hear him ? (j4fart to Val 

Vul. y«, yet, Peace C^iarttoVm. 

Ran, Difowning yodr Letter, arid Me, at Mr, f^iaeen^ 
Lodging, declaring you caihc to meet atiother thne, and not 
Oic \ with a great deal of fuch afficKiting unkindncls, ViagVit 
be rearonablc enough, Ixcaaft you wou'd not intmft VttKa^ 
with oui Love « hut ik>w, when no body foes us^ nai hears ts, 
why this unfeafonablc fhynefs ■ -i 

Lyd. Itfeems, (he did not exped him thercj but had ap> 
pointed to meet another ; I wi(h It were (o. (Sfidt, 

Rju. I bare \iot Patience i do yoh defign thiU to revenge 
my intruGon into your Lodg^g 1^ Night ? fure U you had 
theii been difpleas'd with my Company, you ^nxi'd not have 
invited your Iclfto'tagain by a Letter > or iathisa Puni&mcift 
for brining you to a Houfei Co near yout own, where, it 
ieems> you >vcrc known tooMdoconkfi, It was a Fault; 
but maite me (aSa any Penance, bjt your Silence^ becaufc it 
f ^the KTtain mark of a Mifhc&'s lading DtTpleafute— 
r'V\ -LyJ. My*— —is not yet comt C-^Jidt, 

Ran. Not yet a Word i you did tiot uSt nxCo unkindly laft 
Night, when you diid me out of your Houlc, and with Indi^ 
nation bid me be gone h now, you bid me folbw you, and 
yet will have nothing at fay to mc > and I am moct detiSvd 



St. James*/-/*4»-j^. 43 1 

this Day and Nif>ht, than I was hft. Nighty when, I mull 
cfja^cii, I foUow'd you fbi anotha -^ 

LyJ. I'm glad to bcai that. X^tfiJe. 

Km. Qne that wou'd have us'd me better ; whoTc Love, I 

"bsTC ungratefully .abus'd Tot yours i yet frotn no other lealoni 

but my natural Inconftancy ■ 

poor LyJU, LjJia ■ ' (A/iJe. 

iyd. He muttn'd my Name fure, and wtth a Sigh. (Afide. 
Rm. But as tail Night, by following (as I thought) her, 
I found you: So this Night, by following you in vain, I dd 
lelblve, if I can find hei again, to kc«p her for ever. 

Lyd. Now I am oUlg'd, and brought into debt by his In- 
conftancy ; Faithj now cannot I hold out any longer^ I muft 
difcover t»y (elf. iAfide, 

Ran. But, Madam, bccaufe I intend to lee yon no more, 
m take my leave of you . for good and all j Gnce you wlU not 

fpcak, m fry if you will fqueek 

(Goes ta thmt btr daami jie fjuteiii 

LjJ. Mr. isager, Mr. Rsngrr 

Viti. Fye, (ye, you need not iiTiQi drifiiiut fuif, diat 
loves you lb. 

Rm. Is it (he .' Ljdia all thii while ? how am I goIlM, and 
f'flicflrt in the Plot too ? 
tyi. Now falfc X WW. 

Kan. Now falle CbriJlinA too \ you thought I did n<^ 

know you now, becaoTe 1 plTer'd you (iidi an unafal Civiliiy. 

Lyd, You knew me, I vancantyoa knew too, that I was 

the Cbrifiin* you followed out of the Park lafl Niglu i that I 

was the CbrifitM that writ the Letter too. 

iE«h Certainly, therefore I woa'dhamtakenmyRerenge, 
you fee, for yom Tricks. 

Vol. Is not thu the fameWotnan that too kiefbgc in your 
Hoiiie laft Night; Madam ? . (To Chiiftlna. 

Chri, The very tunc. 

Val. What, Mr. Rannry wc hare chop'd and chai^*d, 
and hid our CbnfimJt% knig^and often, riiat atlaft> wc 
have drawn each of us our own ? 

RoH. Mr. Tii/eWMM in Enrg/jHu/ ! the truth onMs, you have 
jugled together, and drawn widiout my Knowledge \ but 
fmce Qk will luve it fo^ fhe fliall fwear roe for good and all 
now. (Gus to takt htr by the Snni. Lyd. 



4)3 Loi^ema Wtodi Or, 

tfd, Cottic hot ikar me. 
Atfff. Nay, you need not. be aJirudt I wbu'd liidfhyba, 

QOwIfcnowyou. 

LyJ. And yet, LtiWv,t think *ib^ but joilHce, to paidoo 
dK ^ult I made hitn commit ^ ( Jptnt to Leonoic, 

Rtfff. You confidef ittight; Coulln i ^ iiidced yoD ve but 
iqacifal M yoin l^tf hi if. 

LfJ. Yet, if I wou'd be ingorous, dioogh I made a blot, 
your oycriight hts loft the Game. 

Rm. But 'twas «>& WoOBns Ptay, CotiftR, aha ought 
bot to be [4iy*d again, lethKtKll you. • . • 
7« tbam Dupawit, 

Ptf^ Who^sthcfc^ who*sthctcf 
. . Rm. D0fperwit* 

Shif, Hf. RMftTt I am gM I luve Met with yoti, Ibrl 
have left tny Bride juft now, in thcHoufe at Mulbeny.C^eii> 
tocooie aiidpick'uplbnief^ my Friends in the Parkha^ to 
lii'p with us. 

.. Kaih Yoor Biide! are yoa mairy'd then > Where is yttut 
&idci> 

O^'Hcre at li^beity-Oatden, 1 &y« where yva^ thde 
tadk^ andGcntlciDen> (ball all bewckome,ifyou wiUafibid 
me tlie Honour of your Cotnpanyk 

R(tm. With all oiir hearts 1 but who have you maTry*cl}L«t)'? 

JhtffWtfVt do yeu think I wou'd many a Wench i* I 
have HOjfiay'd an Hdnfi woiA Thirty Thott^d Pounds, let 
ine pciifhi 

Via, An Heirers wo«h Thirty Tfaoufand Pounds' 

' lUf, Mr. Viacent-, foax Servant, you here too t 

Rati. Nay, wearemoteofyout Acquaintance here (I think) 

go^ well filUow you, for if you have not difmik'd your Pai- 

ton, perhaps we may make him mure Work. (£«»»• 

T&8 Seenet ebat^et to the Dinift^ntm, is Mtdherty- 

£»t<r Stf Sifflon Addlcptet, Giipci M-x. Martha, joyner, 

Cro^tck Lucy. > 
Sir Sim, ^isas ImldfOu, Sir, yos fee. 
Gr^4 Oh gracekis fidie, many'Jla'a Wic/ anidle, t&f' 
tciiiig, fhudflring, foaj-mouth'd, bengcflf Will Oh^axtal 
OsldfiiauMcTctliwiomarryaWJt;;. 1 -.",.. 5V* 



St. Jasae$*s-Park, 433 

y^. Indccdjoui Woifl^ bid better (eenhe^fairiy buried, 
fethc^Gv. 

CfDf. If my DiQghter, dienj fino'd han donfe &>» I woa*d 
iiot bavc giy'n ber a Groat. 

Giipe. MsiqiaWit) > . , 

Siir Sim. Mh, Jtyntr, Jb tiot let me loTcthe (To Joyncr.' 
Widow too> forifyoudo, (betwixt Friends) landmyfindt 
Annuity are both blown up ; it will folbw my 'ESUtc (.AJUt. 



Joju, 1 wariant you. 

flip: '"■■'■■ - 



\ Letusbultefiiiicd'Str^J»wtiitoNight> CTtfjoyncb 
Ot— (Aftii. 

Jojn. Yoti need not Ccai it * TiIk the Lawyas, wtule my 
Clkna eiideJToiir fotJhaC nk another, lin jul^cbcat'cth 

Both: . . {.AJidti 

Eitttt Dapperwit, Ranger, aaJ Lydia, Vakntinci 

, Chiffiina, MjYmceat. . 
_tH.{l^mtfim*<mi aiiithty0Md»UhebinJ. . j 
V4. What Is he here, Lucy and Mr Motha ^ {Apdti 
Grift. Tell me bdw thoucam'fttooiany.a Wit/ 
iMarr.Pnybe notan^,Sir,andril glnyoua goodicaiba.' 
Gr^. RcaTonfor manyinga Wit! . 
Mm. Indeed, 1 found my lelf fix inonths gone with CIuM,' 
aiM&Arniohc^ofyourentingmeiHusUnd, 6^dfelhad 
n6c niany'a a Wit, Sr. 
jfojrw. Then you were the Wit. 
Gtife: Had yod that leafc^^ nsy; then-—-— (tl^dag 

Dtf. How's that.' iAfiJ*. 

Rm. Who wotfd ha^e thought, Dsfferwit^ you wou*cl 
have roarry'd i Wench ? 

J3«p. Well, Thirty Tboufiuid Pounds .will make lat amends, 
I have Known my bcifds Wink, and fiUl tut fbt five 01 fix. 

What,you art coiii^ir,t6 give tne j6y ? (To Otipc«b< ti* r^ 
yo^ Mis. iMy, you and you ? v^ udnd gudb aic duuUf 
wdcotnc- " -.■■■■ - . ,, , 

S&tSimatt 1 made bold to invite du{e Ladies, (XrSwyasu 
and Gcnflcmen, fo you muftldtow, Mr.JE<Mg<ri tlus.woctfay 
^irSftiiM, db*s Aot o6ly f^e roe my Weddlag-Stf>per, buf - 
AfMUlr^tooi andisasitweicmyfathef. . .. 

rt SkSim: 



'434 lJn/»»taWitadi Or, 

, Sit.Sim~ Tbenl^mult WtcaOxand-^diertayQur Mw 
Wifc'Sj bani en ksldtr > to which you arc bat as it were a Fft> 
«htt-)' ibMc's fe youaiik), Sii^ — \ni ha— -^ , 

RMii Ha, ha, ha (To Vincent. 

Btfp. Fools fomctimcs (ajr unhappy things, if wfi.wouy. 

■nnn<i~"eni ; bat what,- Melancholy -at yout Dauglnn's 

Wedding, Sii> 

Grift. How dc[4or^^ "ts tny conditKXi ? 

Z>4p.Nay4f you will rob me of my Wench, Sir^o ycHi blame 
tncfor loU^gyou of yoir Dlu^ter ? Icanooc be without a 
Woman. , 

Gmfi. MyDaitghttfi^my'KcpiKatidn^iiclna^MoecygoiK — 
but'thclaftis dcaKft'toxnci yet «t oncelmay fcoievetbir, 
andbc reveng'd fot the lofs of the other ; and all this by niat- 
tying Lniy bete : I Hull get my Five HfHtilrcd Pounds z^iin, 
and get Heirs to (xdodetey Daughter, ^nd firulliate Dgfpenvit > 
beO(te<, 'tis agreed oaall hands, 'lis cheaper keeping a Wife 
thana Wmdi (^Afiii. 

Bap. UpJOTxcfo-iAdxaAdyi Sir, we will hare the Fid* 
dies, anda Dance todiveit^Qu, .coine. 
■ - • i ■ ■ . ' ■ A^Dmet. .... . 

Gripe. Indeed, youlhafipHtme Ibupon-anieiry Ebj dut 
I wfi/Tvetomarry (ba . i ^. 

FUp: Nay, if nty IBtather oobic toti^Erying once, I inay 
tooi f fwore I wou'd, when he did, little chinking— ; 

Sir Sim. I take you at yoor woijd, Madain. 

FUp, Well, but'ifl had thought yoa<woii'4 bare been To 
quick wi^^mc^^ 

Grife. Where is your Patfon ? 
Pi^.Wbat^yoaWDU'd not td^ngeyour. l^f upon thePadbn ^ 

Gripe. No, I wcHi'd have the Paifea Mvcngeme upoa yon; 
heflHJu-'tliMmyine. • : , . 

Dafj Vim ^^ you'SK fo fioltfk* $U i ?ut who ww'd 
■ you Many f 

Grijw. ThislntMcttit'tKly. , - (F^nii^ M Lacy. 

Z>i^. -Ttel innocent Uady .'. ,. „ i, ■ 

Gi-M(.Nay, lam impatient, Mrs. ^OWOi pray (ctdi Miq 
aplfhebeyctirtihcHdnfeJi ' ;, / 

Dap.Wi were not Mdrry'dihcrc ; but yo^cannot be ineamcft 

cfripe. You'il Hnd^rfo i Imcp you Jjavc Tob'd mcof oiy 
Houfe-kceper, I multigctam»bcr. 

^"■' "'-''~ ' i>gp. 



So JamesVP<(r4 43 J 

Vsf. Why? flic was my Wench. 
* Gripe: 111 make bet honcft dieft. 

Crof, Upon my icpute he never fk» ha before : But will 
youi Worihip Marry my Daughta then ? 

Grift. 1 piomife her, and you, before all this good Com- 
pony, to Mcnrow I will make her my Wife. 

Daf. How/ 

RtH. Our Ladies, Sir, ifuj^oTe, cxpedthe Tame PiMnife 
ftotn us. _ (To Val. 

y»l. They maybe fure of us without a Piomi^ i but let us 
fif We an) obtain theirs, to be (ate of them. 

Daf. But will joa rttttry her to Morrow ? (To Gripe. 

Grife. .IvtSi-vtaifi 

Daf. I am undone then, ruin'd let me periQi. 

Sir Sim, No, you may hire a little Room in Covm-Gardeny ■ 
andfet upa Cafteehoufc ) you, and your Wife, will be futc 
of the Win Cuftom. 

I>ap. Abus'd by bim, I havelbuS'd ! 

' . 'ForOme our Foe^ we cannot ovtt-iBtt, 
' By nOat'but tbte^ iturPrcjtSsare^oMM, 

Vol. C(Hne, dear -Madam, What yet angry ^ jfcalot^ line 
is much rtiore ^mdonable hdtite maniige ttuA after it t btit 
to Monow, bythiellclp oftheTftTon, yoi/11 putaae out of all 
my Fears. 

Cbri. I am a6sHcl then you wou'd give me my Revenge, and 
mike me Jealous of you > and I bad rather fuTpe^ your 
Faith, than you (hou'd mine. 

Rmu Coulin Lydia, I had rather fufpcA your Faith too, 
than you (faou'd minct therefore let us e'en marry to Morrow, 
diac 1 may have my turn of watching, dogging, ftanding un- 
der the window, at the boor, btiiindthe han^g, or — - -* 

Lyd. But if I coa'd be dcfpcratc nowj and give you up my 
Libaty i cou'd you find in your heart to quit all other Engage* 
ment^ and voluntarily turn your rfelf over to one Woman, 
and (be a Wife'- too? cou'd you away wkh > the inliipportable 
bondagcof Matrimony i* 

Rtm, You talk of Matrimony as irreverently, umy Lady 
FA/^Mf? the ixjnd^e of Matrimony, no — 
n>e indof MirriiKe, nouf is Ltheftjf 
j/bid-fivt ar6bouna'~~~to fit e4Kb i>tbfr^Ikft[r- 



fe P I L O G U E 

Spoken by Dappert^in 

NOt^my Brisk Brother pfifie Pit, youUlSt^^ 
Tm come iofptak a good Word for the Plaj i 
Biit(GdlUHtt')Utn,epmA if I Pa, ' 

For I have Wit, and fftdgiMMtt Jufi likf Tow 5 
mt never Partial; Judgment Free and Boldy 
For Fear or Friertdjbip never Bought or S»ld, 
Nor hfeaod Nature to he Cajotdi 
iSood Nature in a Critick^ were a C¥imi^ 
Li\e fHerty an a Judge^ dhd rindin him 
GkHi^ of all thofi Fault j^ he do's forgive: 
Bejfdet, if Th^f pom G allows yonlReprievey 
He' Uciitjfottr Throat } foPoitfavd from Shame^ 
In d*om'd Lampoon, veill mtrder your good Namei 

Tet in true Slight to him; and iqhis Plak 
(GoodfMtb) jau /hpn'd not r4ji 'U'emjo Dm 5 
But to he more his Foe^ fiem moji his Friend j 
Andfo mulicionjly, thi Pldy Cummehdi 
That he may be betray d to Writing on. 
And Poet kt him be, to be undone: 

FIN IS* 



Juft PuWtfh'd. 

Inengnits: Of, Zete aui Smy Kefa»ciri,.a Novel. Writb; 
TAr^Con^reave, Price 1% d. 

Tbc Loven Secretary ! Or, Tie Adyemurtt of ZimdMuiora, iljidj 
of Quality, written with ber own Hand to her Friend in the 
Country ; giviog an Account of Iter Jntrigtiet and Adventures 
from 1 ? Years to 50, in 24 Letters,eorrefted by Mr. 7io.'Srn^ 
Price 2 J. 
Printed forJ^cit. WeEinstm, attM) J>olttitiiai'0*i'»iaSt,9mBi'S 

aunb-Tard, 

Where is Sold all Sorts of Phyai v. 



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